Cheyenne record., 1917-11-22
Copyright 1915, The Bobbs- Merrill Company
CHAPTER xxiII.-continued.

IL
There was something peculiarly hor-
rifying to him in the exhibition Ran
dolph was making of himself. He'd
never in his life taken drink ex-
cept convivially, and then he took as
little as would pass muster. Going of
alone and deliberately fuddling one
self, as q means of escaping unpleas-
ant realities, struck him as an act Of
the basest cowardice. But for that
picture Of Rose he'd have gone long
ago and left Randolph to his bemused
reflections. Only Rose had
asked him to drop in on the doctor for
visit Did she mean she wanted him
to try to help?
He tried, though not very success
fully, to conceal his violent disrelish Of
the task. when he said: Look here,
jim! What is the matter with your
Are you sober enough to tell me?"
Randolph put down his glass. II
have told you." he said. "Tm Eleanor's
kept man. Well kept, oh, yes! Beau
tifully kept. I'm nothing but a pos
session of hers A trophy Of sorts, an
ornament. I'm something she's made.
have big practice. Pm the most
fashionable doctor in Chicago. They
come here, the women, in shoals.
That's Eleanor's doing. I'm a faker,
a fraud pose for them. play up.
give them what they want. And
that's her doing. They go silly about
me: fancy they're in love with me.
II haven't done lick Of honest work
in the last year. I can't work. She
won't let me work. She-smothers me.
Wherever I turn, there she is, smooth
ing things out, trying to make 1t easy,
trying to anticipate my wants. I've
only one want. That's to be let alone
She can't do that. She's Unsuitable
There's always something more she's
trying to get, and I'm always trying to
keep something away from her, and
failing"
"And why? Do you want to know
why, Aldrich? That's the cream of the
thing. Because we're in love with
each other She wants me to live or
her love. To have nothing else to live
on.
"Do you want to know what my no
ton of heaven is? 1t would be to &C
of alone, with one suit of clothes II
handbag. oh. and fifty or hundred
dollars in my pocket wouldn't mint
that; I don't want to be tramp-tt
some mining town, or slum, where
could start general practice; where
the things I'd get would be acciden,
cases. confinement cases: real things
urgent things. that night and day are
oil pIt 70 10 cto RI oUOir n, r
be poor; get this stink Of easy money
out of my nostrils. I'd like to see If
could make good on my own.
IT came back from New York, aftel
that look at Rose, meaning to do 1t
meaning to talk 1t out with Eleanor
and tell her why. and then 60. Well.
talked. Talks cheap. But I didn't go
I'll never 60. I'll go on getting softel
and more of fake; more dependent
And Eleanor will go on eating me ny
until the last thing in me that's mt
myself is gone. And then, some day
she'll look at me and see that I'm moth
Ing"
Then, with suddenly thickened speech
Gan affectation, perhaps), he looked w
Mt Rodney and demanded:
"What are you looking so s-solemr
about? Can't you take joke? Come
along and have another drink"
"No," Rodney said, "Tm going. Ant
you'd better get to bed"
Rodney walked home that night like
n man dazed. The vividness Of one
blazing idea blinded him. The thing
that Randolph had seen and lacked the
courage to do; the thing Rodney de
spised him for a coward for having
failed to do-that thing Rose had done
Without knowing 1t, yielding to O
blind, unscrutinized instinct, he'd want
ed Rose to live on his love. He'd tried
to smooth things out for her, anticipate
her wants. He'd wanted her soft, help
less, dependent. Shed seen, even then
something he'd been blind to-some
thing he'd blinded himself to: that
love, by itself, was not enough. Thai
it could poison, us well as feed.
But she had won, among the rest OF
her spoils of victory, the thing she had
originally set out to get. His friend
ship and respect. Friendship. he re
membered her saying, was thing you
had to earn. When you'd earned 1t, II
couldn't be withheld from you. Well
1t was right she should be told that
made to understand it to the full. He
couldn't ask her to come back to him.
But she must know that her respect
was as necessary now to him as shed
once said his was to her. He must see
her and tell her that.
He stopped abruptly in his walk. His
bones. as the Psalmist said, turned to
water How should he confront that
gaze of hers, which knew so much and
understood SO deeply-he with the
memory of his two last ignominious en-
counters with her behind him? IL