The Owosso times. (Owosso, Mich.) 1897-1926, 1917-04-20
THE Wall OF A MALE
WHO BOUGHT BY MAIL

Ma was reading out loud from her maya
zine.
When she says - ne, ''The best I've seen
For all the thfnss Hsst naut DO had
10 this here low price nAtl hr,ses ID
Here's Cross Grained ossz. , ssnts,-se
more
'Gainst 10 they're charging at the store.
And II all the rest that's advertised
IL Just as cheap ia not be s'prised
That we'd save money In the end
BY trading with our low price friend"
So shot an order into the mall
II carried my name. Il carried my kale-
I ordered q lamp and a rocking chair.
pail of prunes and some underwear.
My wife. she ordered two petticoats.
A new false pun and some Cross Grained
A Noah's Ark for baby's toy,
A pair of boots for Bub. the boy;
Stockings for Nell. q waist for Lizzie
Just writing that order kept me busy.
Wen. we shot the order into the mall
Twas all OF thirty dollar sale:
We figured out three days was enough
To fetch us that dodblasted stun.
They got my coin. but not q peep
Did hear from the Arm OF Grab q Keep
Twas all OF two weeks-maybe three
Before them goods arrived for me.
l got a notice. hitched the ma'ar
And drove three miles to the railroad car.
I found whacking big box there
Some smashed up. but didn't care.
(When you've housd for prunes untfi Il
hurts
And your back is cold for lack of shirts.
When the goods in front OF you . labeled
Must"
You grab 'em-if the box Is bustD
So I heaved the wreckage into the cart
And headed for home. feeling pretty smart.
My goods had come from a town that's
real.
And ia saved four dollars on the dealt
We soon got home and opened the case
And looked at our purchases. face to face
Well. sir. twas an eye opener. you can
bet.
And one that shan't soon forget!
The parcel of oats was torn to rags
But we'd saved twelve cents on dozen
bags!
The prunes seemed good. and the baby's
toy
Before It broke he had one days toyi
My wife's false puffs was some horsehair
stun.
And her petticoats want half large
enough.
The stockings for Nell looked thin and
frail.
The waist was ruined by a rusty nail
The lamp was as lurid as q three weeks
boil
And held bout teacup full Of oil.
The boots for Bub cost the same. no more,
Than Hoskins asks at the village store.
But the rocking chair. built OF solid oak"
Was the funniest part of this wholesale
Joke.
Oh. twas just like the picture. rod and
rung.
But the size Of the things where we got
stung.
Ma tried It and found twas a false
alarm
Twas a foot too narrow from arm 20 armI
Nell had more luck; she wedged right In
But we pried her out with the rolling pin!
Then set right down and figured the sale
That "ad" had made through the u, 8.
mail AR sQilF"F TIA &IFs 80. 20
fingered an hour. and then some more,
And found we had nothing on the village
a's stpret seAssA9 -p.ta Nv 1ys S"-sa SsIlt
i'd sent thirty dollars I'd Chicago. ill.
And saved twelve cents on the total bill
Then ! seen at once twas them nine cent
oats
Had taken our dollars and made US goats!
So swore by all that was holy and pure
ia read no ads with low price lure.
stopped mas magazine on the spot.
Will take II again7 ] reckon not;
I,eastwise not till they put a ban
On thai ''come-on" stun Of the mail house
mani