Tulsa daily world. [volume] (Tulsa, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1905-1919, 1917-11-11

sho1ld have closed my hand en- that
toll before being torn from him 30
ruthlessly. but l never was a quick
thinker.
Our party of three thousand. minus
the map with the aunt, made a bril-
liant sCrtie and landed up against the
toilet set department with a crash that
broke three perfectly good ciglsi ip
my pocket. One other lonesome man
who carried a half-pint package Of
optimism on his hip was backed up
against the counter 80 hard that the
lottle burst and his portion of the en-
tertainment ran out on the floor
thin lady in spectacles shifted the
air, looked at me and Kissed. Beast.
You've been drinking"
Madam. l have not" I replied,
but II l ever get out OF this alive
am going to-" All this time / had
one hand in the air. 1t had been
there 30 long the blood had deserted
II and II was numb. BY mighty ef-
fort l turned my back to the spec
tacled lady and looked at the toilet
sets? / hate to look at toilet sets, but
there wasn't anything else In my
range Of vision. There WAS enough
celluloid on that counter to keep the
whole state OF Missouri supplied with
celluloid collars for nine years.
During our first ten years OF mar
ried life l gave Luella toilet set on
every wedding anniversary, but she
never got real sore at me until | gave
her one with her initials engraved to
1t and she couldn't give 1t away TO
anybody else.
Always Saves Husband.
From time tmmemorial, tho toilet
set has been the last resort of the
harried husband. 1t Is what he al
ways buys his wife when he leaves
his birthday shopping until the last
minute. He usually gets 1t at the cor
ner drug store just half-block be-
fore he reaches home. and then he
hands it TO his wife just as tho he is
handing her a package of rat poison
or something. She knows what II is
without removing the wrapper, and,
regarding him with fishy eye, she
tosses II over behind the davenport
and says she wants TO kiss him.
Why does she want to kiss him
Not because he has just given her
nice genuine toilet set, but because
she wants to get line on his breath.
Luella,. l knew would never stand
for another toilet set. Then / had
the happy inspiration. / would get
her a pearl necklace. / would get her
an imitation one and she wouldn't
know the difference. A floor walker
struggled thru the crowd. He was
going somewhere, but had forgotten
just where. Reaching over the inter-
vening space. / grasped him firmly
by the corner of his shoulder blade.
II want to buy an imitation pearl
necklace" I bawled.
"Righto." he said. "You have my
permission this time, but don't ever
ask me again."
Where are they?" I asked.
Mother of pearl?" he asked.
"No-wife," l replied.
First floor, aisle three" he shout
cd.
Where am ! now?" asked.
ninth floor"
"How do i get down to the first
floor?"
IF you are in a hurry" he replied.
"jump out of the window"
Our crowd moved suddenly, and I
realized TO my great Joy that We were
went by leaps and bounds. sweeping
everything from out path until we
landed on the main floor.
could see the imitation pearl neck
laces dangling from bar over
counter not ten feet away from me,
but they might as well have been
somewhere in France. ] made one
desperate effort to reach them but
was propelled suddenly out thru the
lobby doors with a female umbrella
pressing against the middle OF my
spine. The next moment i was in the
street and trying to extricate myself
from a mess Of taxicabs. The present
was still matter Of the future.
When I got home that night Luella
locked at me expectantly. / went over
to the library table, sat down and
wrote her birthday present with the
fountain pen that had been given me
by the Rotary club.
do your own shopping" I said
ITS no place for a man."
Hoping you are the same. I remain
yours, LEM:
Copyright 1917. by the Twenty-First Cen
tury Press Inc.)