Five Mile Beach weekly journal., 1917-02-16
Twice a
Home
A Widows Experience
By ESTHER vANDEvEER

LutI VI 10 SOuio k
when it did not exist. His fathers
place was but a short distance from
ours. Indeed, the rear line marked the
limits of both places. On n sid of
this line was the playground OF the
several children, boys and girls, in
Guiding Edward and myself, who lived
in the neighbo. hood. l can remember
as far back as when l was seven years
old and Edward nine that in playing
keep house he and l always played the
part of husband and wife. There was
a swing ON this playground, and Ed
wards father put up articles for a
boys gymnasium. A little house four
or five feet high was built for us girls
and furnished with toy furniture. AT
times we would leave our dolls there
all night, first putting them to bed.
When l grew taller l could not I'M
derstand how l could have stood up
right in hat little house. And what
seemed more remarkable to me was that
Edward could have done so, for he was
always a large child. And l remember
that when lie had been away to school
IOT IL OILY Milo anu CdllC DdNh LIZ "No
taller than the house.
By this time we were growing out OF
childhood INFO that intermediate period
when, though boys and girls may feel
love, they are not likely to express 1t.
1t is a period of transition from cb1id
love to real rove. The boy mind is taken
up with athletic sports, while the girl
t.J -. A--A alA,Aef FROM hnrCalf
Indeed, so pebulous is this period that
in my own case it is difficult for me to
recall my exact feelings. l remember
them faintlS and as existing at inter
walls. They we're rather a small portion
of my girl's existence than the whole
of it.
When 7 was sixteen l was awakened
to the true condition by the marked
preference displayed by another girl
for my Edward. From that time my
love became che principal instead or q
minor part ia my life. | failed to con-
ceal my jealousy from him. and this
brought out his own consciousness OF
what was bel ween us. There was no
formal declaration, no conventional
giving of the hand. not even he lov-
ers' kiss. IIe merely said something
about the other girl. 1 know not what,
but it assured me there vas no change
in our position since the days when
we played husband and wife at keep.
ing house-I.o change in the position,
but a great change in the condition.
1t had then been like a winter bud, but
it was now swollen under a spring SUR,
ready to put forth leaves.
| sometimes wished that | could have
experienced the proposal that Other
girls seemed to regard the next mos,
important rpment in their lives tn
their maria ge. Edward and l had no
occasion for IL proposal. Our love wal
rather, as | lave said. an unfolding OF
a bud than The birth of a butterfly
The only abrupt part of it was when
he gave me the first kiss. l treasured
that in lieu Of a proposal.
When we were married great changes
had occurred. | had been left alone in
the world. so it was arranged that we
should occupy my house. Our living
TOOIQ was VI tAc ScGOlu hOOls ONCL
looking the playground where we had
pretended to te husband and wife.
The faint dresul of childhood had been
developed to "A realization of almost
perfect happix.ys. If there could be a
perfection on earth these five years of
my life. from, twenty to twenty-five,
were such a condition. Two children
were born to us. a boy and a girl.
What seemed strange to me was that.
though | gave them a %boundless love.
that which I bore their father, instead
of being dinns0ished. was increased.
Truly love mu:t be. like space, infinite.
Up to this eoint there had been an
expansion of happiness. Suddenly
there came - check. Our younger
child sickened and died. | have de.
scribed with aDme minuteness what !
have likened 10 the gradual unfolding
of a flower. | have no heart to give
more than a brief mention of it's blight
ing. Within g few months after the
first death a second occurred. and
within another year | lost my husband.
For a time l was III a sort of col
lapse. in which | did not take enough
interest in my surroundings to be af-
fected by them. After one has met
with a serious accident or has been
operated upon By a surgeon the enses
are deadened; then comes the begin
ming of pain. It was so with me.
When | became myself my surround
ings were painful t. me. Some per
sons similarly situated nurse their
grief by living In such surroundings.
| longed to get away from them.
Friends advised me 70 seek recovery
in the many new scenes and interest
ing objects that are to be found abroad.
/ tool their advice. | sailed for Eu-
rope. leaving the place where l had
been so happy in the hands of an agent
for sale. One thing | was resolved
upon never TO retrrn to it.
1t may be considered that my story