The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-03-22
MEN, WOMEN
 AND THINGS
Lost, strayed or stolen.

Lost strayed or stolen.
 One newspaper correspondent with an international reputation. The mystery gave reporters more worry than the jail delivery.
 Seen at the Terminal station he was lost between it and the Tutwiler.
 
 Even Scudder Ryall dropped the scent and came back and reported that either Frank G. Carpenter was more exclusive than cabinet officer or else was "soused" and in hiding.
 The polite Mir BeJarnette would neither admit or deny that Mr. Carpen- tel had arrived. Scudder said, He acted just like a good hotel eferk would act who was a bit under the weather
 I was greatly worried, for 1 didn't want to chaperon a man fresh from New Orleans who had laid in a load suf- ficient to carry him through his three days stay in our bone dry state
 I waited until 10 o'clock next morning and asked the man on duty behind the Carpenter was sufficiently rested to re- ceive me. I was using the language of diplomacy. I was wondering if the "old gentleman" had a headache and would be cross and ready to snap me up.
 Word came down that MT. Carpenter would see me. I went up; as the door opened I saw clothes scattered around. said to myself: Hes ma|s a night of it ~ Come in,' said he, don't stand on formality; I'm just getting into my clothes.'
 In l went and instead of finding bear or repentant brother I found friendly, lovable red-headed man who was about as easy to get acquainted with as Sol Caheen.
 After l got to know him I told him of the worry and the trouble he had caused the reporters of the daily press and of their surmises and comments on his being so secluded
 
 He laughed, but not half so heartily as his daughter. That's good one, dad,' said she "Yes, it is" he sadly an- swered. Then turning to me he said: MT Barnett, my daughter, Frances. has the best memory in the world, and can tell jokes on me at the most inopportune time. I'm afraid you have ruined me. Both seemed greatly amused over the incident
 Truth is stranger than fiction. Frank G. Carpenter is as sober as judge Frank G. Carpenter has as little ''put-on' about him as any man I ever met and yet on his first appearance in our city two erroneous ideas about him got into 
 Do you want to know why he went to his room and asked not to be disturbed? It was not because he was "stewed" or on account of any desire toput on dog or shut out the interviewers.
 Every small boy in the land will sym pdlnlZe WltH Hliil WHeH tiiey icetH eho true cause of his wish to be left alone in his misery.
 Now listen, and I will a plain unvar- nished tale unfold. He got to the hotel and instead of asking the clerk on duty if it was possible to get drink, he asked him to tell him where he could oa+ doca of astor oil TTphi
 Eager to serve a friend he directed him to the beautiful new Tutwiler drug store in the hotel. All unsuspecting the great traveller walked into trap more deadly than any jungle he had ever trod on his African trip.
 At this point enters another newspaper man. It's not to be a case of Damon and Pythias, or David and Jonathan, not even of Castor and Pollux, though both are bright stars in the journalistic world. Now enters a vegetable. It is known as a castor-b bean. It's not cultivated for it's beauty, but like the peanut it is capable of producing an oil, only it's not used as a delicacy, but as medicine. Some folks use it on their head, but sensible people when they take it go to bed. But I'm getting ahead of my story.
 He fell into the hands of the Phillistines. The regular soda water dispenser was for the moment off duty and polite Richard F. Lussier offered to fix up a drink for him and he was foolish enough to let him do 1t.
 Having bought a bottle of castor oil Carpenter asked Richard F. to pour him out a dose and smother it in sarsaparilla. What one newspaper man did to another newspaper man on that night was 8 plenty. Dick fixed Frank so that he had to retire from society for the next F hours.
 Now, this is a true tale, not set down in malice to knock Lussier as a druggist, but to clear the good name of one known to fame as Frank G. Carpenter
 Here's hoping 'DcS'' will make a great pharm 6 cist, and heres hoping that Frank will live long to enjoy joke that came near getting him in Dutch with the news paper boys of Birmingham.
 c2mIkllnEN113aulfH
 A .,.--4rs s mean man wno wln TOD his boy of castor oil.
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