The Washington herald., 1917-02-23
Pacifsts,

Say, boss, what kind O. folks are these
pacifists I hear so much chatter about?"
Why, Lon, a pscifst is 9 party who's
simply nuts about peace. peace
maker. One who's kept busy tryin' to re-
store amity between contendin' parties or
nations. A calm an mild watermelon"
who wouldn't unIoosen himself from two
bits to see tn greatest scrap on earth. A
guy who's been so keerful with his own
personal trainin' that he can hiss hell
al va between his teeth in a way to make
you think he was singin' ''Th' Rosary"
In other words, velvet kind o. ''persim-
, mon" who has utilized his spare moments
cultivatin' tn art of suppressed emotion.
an by suppressed emotion mean tn d.
rect anithesis of spontaneous combus-
ton, but II you can't handle anithesis, or
spontaneous combustion, suppressed emo
ton means this: va don't do somethin'
you'd like t do. which would have made
you feel better had you did II
Fr instance, a multi-millionaire's only
kid pulls a getaway with tn cashier in q
movin' picture concern, thereby causin'
tn pasty old plutocrat to become so
wrathy that he nearly has hydrophobia,
an he straightway cuts tn lad OF with
out a cent, which naturally makes tn
young buck sore'n hell, but instead Of
bitin' his DADA in tn cheek, as he'd like
to, he holds down his fire, an comes back
at him like this: why, think, Dadi Just
think! She's muh wife! I've swore Z
love an protect Ter, an I'm gonna stand
by her, Dad, even against your which
he proceeds to do until both of tn young
"sparrows" are thoroughly convinced that
| there amt a chanct on earth of maxim
tn old tight-wad unloosen, an then IL be-
comes depressed emotion, or paranoia-
But pacifists amt nothin' new, an have
been pussy-footin' around in this an
other lands for thousands of years, an
while there amt a particle O. doubt about
them havin' tn proper dope, providin' all
hands concerned would sign tn pledge to
remain pacihsts. an do nothin' else, tn
great trouble with their doctrine is that
just when everything is "pacifyin' d" along
at nice, easy pace one Of tn fool ''paci-
f1ers" blow, an there's a big wreck in tn
road.
Take our old friend Kaiser Bin Hohen-
zollern, than of whom there wasn't no
greater pacifist up to tn beginnin of this
present war. Willie was so ALFRED proud
OF his pacif1st title that he used to print
on his cards, which read along like this:
VIM. Hohenzollern. Emperor and Pacinst
Forty Years on tn Same Block an Never
Lost q Case.
But look at him now! Why, there evsa
be them what claim that he's tn original
guy who first put tn "fsts'' IN tn
pacifists, an absolutely refuses to have
| 'em took out.
o. course. on this side of tn stream"
Willyum Junnin's Bryan Is tn real
graz ape-fruit salad when 1t comes to
pacifsm, but that's T. be expected, cause
old Commoner Bill is wise enough actor,
an has been at tn game sufficient time
| to cater to his audiences an knows in
his heart that tn folks on tn Chautau-
qua Circuit won't never stand for no
| rough stuff, SO he features tn soft-pedal
| acts, an always draws big.
Nevertheless, lad, they're mighty fine
people, an are greatly to be admiredsfor
tryin' to do right, but II you're gonna
join, take this tip from me: stick close to
your party an don't snoop around where
your doctrines not knowed, cause there's
mess o. "hyenas' Just itchin' to fight,
who'll hop on your collar at tn drop of
flag. Now run and put Ginger outi
DOPEY DAN.
Note-Lon says all tn world might be a
| stage, an all OF US actors, but tn number
OF Gurlesque performers compared with
"1egits" of tn business Is certainly all
out of proportion. ~