The Lexington intelligencer. [volume] (Lexington, Mo.) 1901-1949, 1917-05-18

After u%nPaeking Goods, Quickly Coca
to Home Town Store, Sees What Ho
Buys and Makes Vow Never Again
to Patronizs Catalogue Houss--NO
More Wonder Book Stuff.
copyrighted. 1914, by Thomas ], sulIIvan.l
Experience is the name men give
their fOllies and their sorrows. 1t is
the successive disenchaDtment Of the
things Of life.
II Is reason enriched by the spoils Of
the heart. At least that Is Smiths I'M.
depreciation of experience.
pisasreeable Brand Of Wetness.
One December it happened that the
weather man seemed to conspire with
the mail order man. He turned out a
disagreeable brand of wetness that fill
ed the farmers with a d~istaste for the
open road" that David Grayson so
Optimistically praises In all seasons.
But all farmers are not optimistic,
like David.
Farmer Smith liked the comfort Of
his sheltered home. SO he naturally
was attracted by an invitation from
the mail order house to sit down In
an easy chair before the fire and select
his Christmas supplies from the pages
Of a wonder book left at his front gate
by the r. F. d. a
Wonder Book Solves Problem.
The idea seemed mighty attractive
and comfortable. He thought he might
as well experiment once anyway.
So he and his wife had a nice time
filing out the yellow order slip accord
ing to their needs and revenue.
Then they sent it on its way to the
firm which promised them thrilling bar
gains in all lines Of merchandise from
pins to palaces.
The Smiths had made n trip to
town. The day had been characterized
by haste, hunger and worry. They
hadn't had time to buy what they
wanted.
SO the catalogue seemed to solve the
problem for them. 1t seemed as If 1t
we're going to save them lots Of time,
energy. money and brain flag.
Shipment Arrives.
II was a beautiful pref Christmas
dream made up in four measures OF
comfort. confidence, curiosity and hope.
The awakening came afterward. like.
wise the disillusionment.
Their shipment arrived two days be
fore Christmas. This vas very reas
surfing. But It necessitated a speciaI
drive of nine miles to the nearest ex.
press office.
The C. o. d. express charges were
Unexpectedly high. The first lntima
tion Of a mistake came with the real
ization that the express charges ex
ceeded the difference In price between
home store and catalogue house arti
cles.
Traffic had been congested and thu
massage rough. Damage was visible
Smith hoped 1t wasn't serious, but h
took his stuff home with unpleasant
f~orebodiEgs. and that night when thu
family was asleep he and his wifi
opened the package in the kitchen.
Caused Smith to Swear.
There was a lot Of excelsior to IN
mack. but when the work was done ant
the contents stood revealed there was
verbal fireworks display on the part o
Smith. who forgot for the moment tina
he was a deacon in the church, ant
Mrs. Smiths tears we're bitter.
The parlor lamp was a scream. 1t
embellishments were livid enough {
light a colored Baptist church withou
the aid Of acetylene.
The handcraft Battenberg looked a
II Il had been made On a sweatsho
machine intended for Overalls. Th
guaranteed pure wool overcoat assuI
ed them at a glance how thorough
they had been aeeced.
Passing up the balance Of the "a
legged bargains the baby's stockin
was the piece de resistance Of thel
Christmas feast. It was a tarlatan al
fair, decorated with green ard re
yarn tassels and hlled with Junk this
represented the discard Of a n cer