The Washington herald., 1917-10-31
GOOD MORNING
JUDGE
BY RUDOLPH PERKINS.
He Meant 1t, Too.

Several times during the past few
months Harry Murray has proposed
marriage to Eliza Carter.
Twasn't no use. The lady had
someone else In mind. She didn't
want to marry a fat man.
Last Sunday Harry called around
agin. He got the usual answer. Only
this time it was more emphatic.
He thought a minute. He screwed
his face at her. looked real mad
and said. "Ef All cain't hab yo dere
amt anudder Niger in dis world
dat's gwine ter"
Eliza laughed right in his face.
nervy woman. If she had only
known what was coming!
Harry crouched down, doubled up
his fist and came. Eliza was draped
in about thirty yards of bandage and
several dollars worth of court plas-
tr.
My. what a mess that boy did make.
But it was expensive. He has to 90
to Jail for sixty days
It's Cheaper to Move.
Bill Flood was looking for a house
The other day he saw one that
suited him on Eighth street. II was
night. He couldn't see by the sign
just who had the renting.
And because he wasn't able to
bring the lamp over to the lamp
post, he tore OF the sign. He took
1t over to the light.
Two cops were watching him. He
was arrested. He was also soused.
He cussed the cops. He cussed every
body.
He was locked up In a different
kind OF a house. There was no rent
to pay. Everything furnished free.
Bill exhibited a letter from u sis
ter in the country. asking to get
her a house. She said nothing about
his getting drunk and cussing the
officer.
1t cost him s15. A whole months
rent wasted and nothing to show
for ii.
A DRY" TaIe.
'Jedge. I came up from the country
to sell some beans. A man invited
me to take a ride on a milk wagon.
He gave me some wine. That is all
remember said Wexford Jones.
Il didn't know they kept wine OIL
milk wagons?" said the court.
Wexford had attempted to cripple
the police department One got an
awful lick in the neck.
1t took three men to hold him
when they got him to Jail. He had
been arrested by Policeman Libby
when he attempted to push an auto
out of the way.
Tho ~
wagon story. Too many men come
from Virginia and allow John Barley
corn to take fall out of them.
Wexford said he had 100 barrels of
corn to shuck down in Virginia and
he just had to get back and do il.
There is also some corn at the work !
house farm. He will visit there for
thirty days. Oh, shucks.
Quick Work.
Charles Whitney vas visiting Alice
Murphy. She is not Irish, by the
way.
For some reason or other he start
ed in to use some awful language.
Alice demonstrated. Il got on her
nerves.
"Ah am an American citizen"
Charlie told her. zen All kin cuss as
much as All please"
Maybe yo kin en- maybe yo can't"
answered Alice, ''but II 70 is an
American gentleman, yo won't cuss
afore a lady"
Then Alice hollered murder. Charlie
had taken her unawares on the jaw
and almost broke II.
You could actually see the bruise.
He was ordered out of the house. He
xI-n 11,f 90 4 IL
in the ribs.
Charlie had nothing to say. The
Judge said it all-sixty days.
Safe in n Dig City.
Ever so often Jim Hanson and his
wife have a little spat.
One or the other always starts
something. They have two small
children. One is very small.
The other night Jim saw WHEY, he
said. with their youngest out on the
street with the go-cart. 1t was al
most midnight.
He demanded to know the reason
There was none. When he went home
he found the other one in the house
all by himself
This is what he told the court in
explanation of a blow he alleged to
have handed to wifey on the chin.
Wifey said he was to blame. He
said she paid too much attention to
what her folks told her.
So the court didn't want to send
him to Jail. The babies must have
shoes and milk and other things.
He was released on personal bonds
not to again strike wifey. He prom
iSed not to.