davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1917-09-07
Lost His Protection.

A Kansas City man, who is very &C
tive in the affairs of his lodge, was
passing the week end at Excelsior
Springs, q nearby mineral water re-
sort. He confided to a friend that he
would like to scrape an acquaintance
with striking-looking woman they
were both admiring.
'Why don't you try?" asked the
friend.
Couldn't think of flirting with her."
came the Mortified reply. "Her hus-
band and I are brother lodge men,
bers."
The next week end the friend again
went to the springs On one of the
prominent promenades he soon saw
the lodge member and the striking
looking woman they had admired,
walking arm in arm, and apparently
much taken up with each other. At
the first chance he asked his friend
for an explanation.
Thought her husband was lodge
brother of yours" he said.
"Oh, that's all right" was the an
swer. 81 looked him up on the books,
and he hadn't paid his dues livery
body's Magazine.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1917-09-07
His Long Stand.

Percy, being down TO recite at the
temperance concert, stood up to do or
die. He got along all right until he
reached the words. "He stood beside
the bier!" Then his memory failed
him.
"He stood beside the bier!" he re-
peated, trembling.
The evil spirits on the back benches
murmured one to another.
"He stood beside the bier!" groaned
Percy, and he drew moist hand
across his dripping forehead.
"Go on" yelled a voice from the
rear. It'll get fiat while you're wait
ing, you fooll"
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1917-09-07
The Cure.

Signor Mascagni, the composer, often
leads the orchestra at La Scala in
Milan and at the Constants in Rome.
He never refuses an encore.
I'm my youth"-thus he explains the
matter-"I was an orchestra leader at
a dollar q day. Perhaps my low pay
had soured me. At that time, at any
rate, I would not grant an encore for
any consideration.
well, leading 'Santanello' once in
Naples, I refused an encore of a GER
tain song in my usual manner. The
Neapolitan audience shouted and
roared. l was, of course, firm. But
suddenly I felt q blow On the back Of
my head and fell off my high chair
down among the violins.
81 had been struck with q stool
hurled from the top gallery. rose and
promptly repeated the song which the
audience desired. From that day to
this I have never refused an encore"
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1917-09-07
All Circus RINGS the Same Size.

Railway tickets are the same size
all over Britain and the Continent and
America-viz., 214 by IL inches-and
have been so for the last 30 years.
This surely indicates q worldwide
tendency to standardize. Every build
ers ladder is built to scale, and the
fireman's ladder is on the scale of the
seaman'S run up the ratlineS, not III"
bricklayerS trrdge up the wooden
rungs. But perhaps the greatest tri-
umph of standardizing is that of the
circus. There are big and little cir
cuses in the world, but the ring is al
ways of the same diameter, for tho
bareback rider has discovered the cN-
act angle ut which hr can square the
circle. No matter whether it be q
ring cut in the tUrf or Il IuNuriouNIy
appointed thcator, the circus ring
never varies a foct.-London Tit-BitS
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1917-09-07
ArmadiIIos Turned Into Baskets

One of the odd industries of Texas
is the operation of an armadillo farm,
where these hardShell animals are
bred for the purpose of making baskets
of their horny shell. The farm is a
place where the animals are cncour-
aged to take up their abode and at reg
ular intervals they are hunted at night.
After being killed the meat is taken
from the shell and the latter then
dried. The head and tail are tied to-
gcthcr and form the handle of the
basket. Before being sent to market
the interior of the basket is attractive
ly lined.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1917-09-07
No Cause for Alarm.

.Phe other Monday afternoon a wom-
rushed excitedly down an alley in
Nhe poor quarter and, stopping at q
house, knocked loudly. Receiving no
reply, she knocked a second time. Still
no answer.
A third time she knocked, and then
a window flung open and q woman
whose appearance betrayed signs of
q sudden awakening leaned out.
"Well, what is it?" she asked.
The woman below looked up and ex-
claimed with bated breath:
Mrs. Skinner, yer 'usband's got ten
days."
"Dear, dear me, Mrs. JONES'" was the
reply, lis that all? How yer did I'M
nerve me! / thought it was that
scarecrow after the rent agin."
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1917-09-07
Fish Had Four Feet.

While fishing in the Iowa river Ray
mond Peterson caught strange thing.
Local scientists have pronounced 1t a
MISUNDERSTANDING" but some of
our best-posted nimrods say it is a
mud puppy. Anyway, it was a strange
looking creature with body shaped
like an eel. 1t was 2412 inches long.
It had head like q fish with the eX-
ceptiOn that instead of gills it had
a collar of fur just back of the head.
1t had four legs and in some respects
resembled q baby alligator. The little
animal put up pretty game fight for
a while, but it soon died when exposed
to the air. 1t was sent to a large
museum in New York city.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1917-09-07

WAR out in southern seas, a thou
II sand miles from Montevideo and
several hundred miles eastward
from the land of fire TERRA
del Fuego, lie the lonely, drcary
barren Falkland islands. CeascleSs
surges from Antarctic wastes dash
upon the rocky hcadlands to the dis
turbanCe of only the wild and stately
penguin; the mighty roar of the
breakers wasting their beauty, far
from the haunts of artist or phOtOg-
rapher. is lost in the dismal fog.
A land far away from the busy
world; land without a tree, without
a newspaper, without a cable to the
outer world, with few land birds, be
yond the course of the average steam
err; indeed, a land without sunshine,
1t might be said, for the sky is usually
overcast, producing annually go days
of cloudy or rainy weather.
S EDespite weather conditions. how
lHEer, the FalklandS present interest
Sing sights and afford the traveller ex-
periences not met with elsewhere,
writes William \. Reid in the Los An
geles Times. There live and move
and have their being 1000 hardy and
Industrious people. whose remoteness
denies them the pleasures of modern
life. They extend the hand Of well
come to the visitor and he is enter
tanned with stories of those South Sea
islands and the part they play, insig-
nif1cant though it may be, in the world
and its progress.
Almost exactly 100 years after Co.
lumbus sighted San Salvador, John
Davis discovered the FalklandS; q CEN
fury later one Strong visited the
Islands and gave them their name
From that time onward they have
been the scene of conflict and disputed
ownership. The French planted their
flag there in 1865, and very shortly
thereafter the British arrived and eS-
tablished Port Egmond, 100 miles or
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1917-09-07
All Watches Vary.

Theoretically, says a jcwcler the
best watches of today are perfect, but
actually they both gain and lose time
every day. Even if the good watch
does not vary one second at the end
Of the "a hours, the expert insists, it
has both gained and lost in that time.
If it is wound in the morning it runs
fast and toward the next morning runs
slow, thus equalizing the time He
says the best watches should be wound
tWic" day and then at only twO-thirdS
of the capacity of the main spring.
thus preventing either binding or ex-
tremcS of strong or weakened spring
Tn" balance wheel was expected to
cquaIiZo differences of handspring ten
sion, but really this is not the case in
what is called prrfcction
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1917-09-07
Cursina the Eiq Tree.

The cursing of the fig tree on the
road from Bethany to Jerusalem was
not a squirt of anger or a spasm of
disappointment, but the working Of a
righteous law as deep as life and as
wide as the world. The fruit-bearing
tree that does not bear fruit is cum
berpr of the ground and is entitled
neither to the strength of the soil nor
the vitality of sunshine that support it.
The individual who does not bear fruit
TO the glory Of God Is good for nothing
but TO he hewn down and cnst int the
are..-liibileat Rasocssr.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1917-09-07
SHAKESPEARE AT THE FRONT
Famous English Actress Declares Ev-
cry Performance She Gave for
Soldiers Was Joy.

Miss Lena Ashwell, the distinguished
London actress, who has been giving q
number of dramas and Shakespearean
plays to soldiers at the front, wakes
eloquent upon her strange and Won
derful auditory. mo Tommy is stodgy,
as a West end audience is" she re-
marks. Every performance was a
JOY"
The Tommies show their devotion in
all sorts of ways. Some Tommies, hear
ing she was coming, built her scenery
out of odds and ends Of canvas and
wood, painted red and yellow, exactly
like the framework Of q Punch and
Judy show. Another group Of men,
working with the forage supplies in
Rouen, on the railway side, where
there are scarcely any blooms of any
sort, managed to get her a little tight
bunch of flowers, arranged with q bit
of paper like an old-fashioned bouquet.
Still another devoted group gave her
a little box of silver, beautifully chased.
But what she treasures most is a
lucky bean. The young soldier who
gave 1t to her stood grasping her hands
in the dark, saying blunderingly that
he had been eleven months in the
trenches and that she could not mag
inc what it meant to him to see lady,
much less hear her speak; that this
bean had been all over the world with
him and had brought him good luck
he hadn't been wounded yet and now
he wanted her to have il. The boy was
simply giving her everything. No Won
der she set his bean in the best Of gold
and wears it always.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1917-09-07

| not tree breaks the horizon. save
here and there small patches of stunt
ed growth which rise only few feet
above the ground. The brownish ap-
pearance of the landscape is uninvit-
| ing but when the undulating hills and
valleys are reached the travellers in
terest QuickenS and he behOlds the
sheep upon Il thousand hills"
"Stone Rivers" of Quartzite
Farther inland we catch our first
glimpses Of what appear to be glisten-
ing streams, but on closer inspection
are found to be quartZite. This sub
stance, the particles somewhat resem-
bling crude diamonds in shape, lies
in long rows, to which the natives
have given the name - ''stOne river"
Scientists say that these sO-called ''riv-
ers" are q kind OF glacier and that
they are slowly moving toward the
| sea.
"What becomes of your students
after they leave schoOl?" 1 inquired
of the English master of the only
place of learning in the islands. CAL
most without exception" he replied,
they go out to become herders of
sheep or to some employment in con-
nection with the sheep industry"
You see, sir, there is little for our
boys to do outside of this one calling.
yet few OF them leave their island
home for the great outer world" Then
the master pointed out from among
his brightest pupils one little fellow
perhaps fifteen years of age. THAT
boy" said he. has completed the
work of the school, but he is so am
bilious that for two additional years
he has been going over the same
course. We have no advanced classes,
so this little fellOw-and there are
several others like him-are denied
the advantages of q training which,
to my regret, we are unable to give
them"
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1917-09-07
Modest Request,

One young man who was highly SEN
sitive about an impeachment which he
had in his speech went to a stammer-
ers' institute and asked for course
of treatments. The professor asked
him If he wanted a full or partial
course.
"a Impartial c-c-course."
ITO what extent would you like a
partial course?'
Enough $50 that wh-when l go to
q f-f-f1orist's and ask for c-c-c-chr-
chrys-s-Gnth (whistle) e-m-mum, the
th-thing won't w-wilt b-before I g-get
It'll"
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1917-09-07
Keep Bugs Away

Keep the bugs off potatoes. Ar,
senate of lead or paris green will do
the work.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1917-09-07
Made for Concealment.

Stick insects. which are so called
because of their resemblance to dry
sticks. have two forelegs, which they
fold over thier eyes when disturbed
and evidently think that in so doing
they are lost to view.
The eggs of these insects take over
six months to hatch, They are only
one-tenth of an inch in their widest
part, vet an insect which at Matching
is three-quarters of an inch in length
IS packed into them.
The stick insects destroy the weak
lings soon after they are Matched by
eating their legS-EXchange
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1917-09-07
CUTICURA is so SOOTHING
To Itching, Burning Skins-It Not Only
Soothes, but Heals-Triai Free.

Treatment: Battle the affected sur
face with Cuticura Soap and hot wa.
ter, dry gently and apply Cuticura
Ointment. Repeat morning and night.
This method affords immediate relief,
and points to speedy healment. They
are ideal for everyday toilet uses.
Free sample each by mail with Book.
Address postcard, Cuticura, Dept. L,
Boston. Sold everyWhere.-Adv.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1917-09-07
Tried Another Tone,

Little Grace was told to stay in I'M
til it stopped raining, so she .neeied
down and said: "Oh, Lord, please
make it stop raining" With implicit
faith that her prayer would be an
swcrcd, she put on her hat and coat,
but found 1t still raining, and said in
q much louder voice: Say, Lord, shut
the Mater off UP there"
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1917-09-07
ONLY SEAT Or LEARNjf46

mans knack for doing things. The
most prominent buildings in Stanley
are the governors quarters, the bar
racks, which shelter a small English
garrison, Il cathedral, new school
building, n number of warehouses, a
few stores and several hotels. The
stores and hotels are about the only
business concerns excepting the
houses of the English company. which
practically monup0iZcS the great in
dustry of the iSlands-that of sheep
raising and the industries resulting
therefrOm.
Not Much to See in Stanley.
A short time is sufficient to see all
that Stanley has to offer. y visit to
the stores, as in other lands, reveals
to some extent the needs and occupa-
tons of the people; and this fact is
especially emphasized in the town of
Stanley. The articles offered for sale
are of the most substantial kind, such
as coarse clothing, heavy boots, tin
and cHrthenwarc, ships stores, medi-
cal supplies, and in fact everything
required in Sheep-raiSing commu-
nifty where the winters are long and
severe and the summers short and
cool.
The average temperature of the
islands is Il degrees Fahrenheit. The
cool and constant winds from the
southwest send q chill through the
stranger and urge him to physical eX-
ercise. In fact, the very isolation of
ones surroundings kindles the wan
derlust and if he is at all inclined to
pcdestrianiSm here is an excellent
place to crafty his inclination.
An overland tramp is most pleasant
and invigorating. The country rises
gradually from the little bay, and
after one walks few miles he looks
back upon one of the worlds most
isolated towns. Proceeding, the wan
derer is impressed with the awful
loneliness. Few people are seen and
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1917-09-07
DRUGGISTS PLEASED WITH
GOOD KIDNEY MEDICINE

I have sold your remedy for the past
fifteen years and have sufficient confidence
in it to give it my personal recommends
ton. I believe it is one of the best medi-
cines of its class on the market today and
find pleasure in selling it at all times.
Very truly yours,
HAMMERS DRUG STORE,
F. V. Hammer, Prop
Nov. 4, 1916. Spartanburg, S. O.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1917-09-07
No Stacker.

Witty One-COrporal Strut enlist
Cd In April. He's the most patriotic
recruit I've met.
Pretty One-HOws that?
Witty Onc-IIe's highly insulted be-
cause his futher sent him some money
by draft-TOwn Topics.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1917-09-07
Fowl Rebellion.

First Hen-The government is go
ing to make US lay more eggs. What
do you say?
Second Hen-For one, I am firmll
set against It.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1917-09-07
Not q Denendent.

"Have you anyone dependent on
your" asked the exemption clerk.
WELL" replied Mr.. Meekton, Hen
rietta shows me what to do with my
money. But she is most independent
about it,"
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1917-09-07
Nov. 4, 1916
Letter to
DR.. Kilrner q Co.
Bin6hamton, N. Y.
Prov. What Swami Root viii Do For You

Prove what SWdmp-KoUt VIII Do FUr IUu
Send ten cents to DR.. Kilmer & Co.,
Binghamton, n. Y, for a sample t size
bottle. 1t will convince anyone. You
will also receive booklet of valuable in;
formation, telling about the kidneys and
bladder. When writing, be sure and men
ton this paper. Large and medium size
bottles for sale at all drug stores.-Adv.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1917-09-07

decided to try bottle Of Lydia E. Pink
hams Vegetable Compound. 1t worked
from the first bottle, so I took a second
and a third, also bottle of Lydia E.
Pinkham's Blood Purifier, and now am
just as well as any other woman. / adj
wise every woman, single or married,
who is troubled with any of the afore-
said ailments, to try your wonderful
Vegetable Compound and Blosd Purifier
and / am sure they will help her to get
rid of her troubles as they did me-
Mrs. ELSIE ]. VAN. DER SANDE, So No!
York ST., Paterson, N. j.
Write the Lydia E. Pinkham Medicine
Co., (confdentiaD Lynn, Mass if you
need special advice.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1917-09-07
Small Game.

your son is great fisherman, isn't
he?"
Calls himself such. He's just back
from vacation. Caught q bunch of
measly trout when he might have
caught an heiresS"
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1917-09-07
a Message to Mothers

right around neighbohood
doctors made Of flesh and blood Just like the doctor? with
dead night readily in the broad daylight they are s
their love children r.
nothing We not asking Y9f
try wantto the
Of buying Fletcher's -
Der market and he is particularly ested4
The welfare o baby <C...3
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1917-09-07
Whenever You Need a General Tonic
Take Groves

The Old Standard Groves Tasteless
chill Tonic is equally valuable as a Gen
eral Tonic because it contains the we'll
known tonic properties of QUININE and
IRON. 1t acts on the Liver. Drives out
Malaria. Enriches the Blood and Builds
up the Whole System 80 cents.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1917-09-07
Certainly Does,

did you see where the first prts-
oncr taken by an American in the
trenches weighed 220 pounds"
"That certainly lent weight TO the
incident"
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1917-09-07
ELIXIR BABEK A GOOD TONIC

ELIXIR BABEK A GOOD TONIC
And Drives Malaria Out of the System.
"Your tRabeks acts like ma gic; 1 have given
10 to numerous people in my parish who were
suffering with chills, malaria and fever. rec
ommeud IL to those who are sufferers and in
need of a good tonic."-Rey. s. Szymanowski,
st. Stephens Church, Perth Amboy, N. j.
Elixir Babek, so cents, all druggists or by
Washington, D. O.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1917-09-07
Careful OF Vines

DO not disturb the vines or peas or
beans more than is necessary in pick
ing
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1917-09-07

when they are
sold only in large
quantities we cali
it wholesale bust.
ness. Has this
Ia s t conception
any application to
the matter of sal
Walton? Are men
saved by commu-
mites, by nations,
en- nasse?
T his VIC ul d
seem to be the
thought Of many,
for it is not I'M
usual to hear
such an express
sion as the con-
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1917-09-07

When q man can talk on only one
subject he soon lacks opportunities to
talk at all.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1917-09-07
In the Same Class.

I'm certainly down on my luck"
"And I'm up against it."-Balttmore
American.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1917-09-07

The man who can extract olive Oil
from cotton seed should be able to
gather figs from thistles.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1917-09-07

Sore Eyes, Blood-shot Eyes, Watery Eyes,
Sticky Eyes all healed promptly with night
ly application of Roman Eye Balsam. Adv,
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1917-09-07
A Different Implement.

Red-Nosed Tramp-Lady, kin I cut
your grass fer a meal? I'm q first
class lawn mower.
Lady-Go awayl You look more
like an old rake.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1917-09-07
Qualified,

Motorist- Do you know all about
automobiles? Applicant-Yes, sir; l
used to be q traffic cop,
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1917-09-07

A wise head makes a close mouth
English Proverb.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1917-09-07

We are proud Of being Americans
but Il ia poor rrids thu. aces ao
make us gfHtefrt.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1917-09-07

Another good thing accomplished by
the war is the restoration Of economy
to the category Of virtues.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1917-09-07
Described.

"What is a practical joker"
"a fools attempt to make fool out
of the other fellow"
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1917-09-07

Constipation generally indicates dlsordered
stomach, liver and bowels. Wrights Indian
Vegetable Pills restore regularity without
gripping. Adv.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1917-09-07
Both WaYS.

'Do you think Russia will come
back?' eyes, and she'll come book by
going to the front"
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1917-09-07

PardonabIe Crime.
He-If I should kiss you, would you
have me arrested2
She-What would be the use? Any
Judge would acQuit you.