The Washington herald., 1917-12-23

once there was woman who
caught cold. OF course. there is moth
ing unusual in that. We all catch
colds.
This particular woman had a hus-
band. She had been separated from
him. Every time she had the blues
she would go to see him.
When she caught cold in the head,
she saw the doctor. He prescribed
for her. But she had no money 10
buy the medicine.
So she made tracks for friend hus-
band. She told him her troubles and
asked for the loan of a dollar to
secure relief.
He looked at her a minute and
then at the stout cane he was car
rying. Somehow or other it must
have occurred to him that she needed
a beating far worse than medicine
A minute later she was on the
Ground holding a badly bruised head.
The cane had done its work and
gone about its business.
A cop heard her scream. Hubby
was nabbed. He told the court that
he was ''out of his head when he
beat wiley.
That may Be all well and true"
said the court, but now you are
oAt a ten-dollar bill"
Those 'Tn-Laws."
Last Thursday. while Mary Brown
was sweeping the second floor of her
home. the door bell rang
She yelled downstairs to her hubby,
Isaac. to answer it and not stand
around like bump on a log.
But Isaac was nowhere around.
She rushed downstairs and went to
the door. Alb. 1t was her old-time
friend. Hattie Coleman. "Howdye do,
Hattie. cum right in"
They sat and talked half an hour.
No Isaac showed up. The floor up
stairs remained unswept. It was get
ting on to dinner time.
Suddenly Isaac burst in the door
with a crouch on mile long. Hattie
spoke up and said, GOOD mawnin'
Isaac"
Isaac never heard a word Of It. EFF
somebuddy in dis house amt keerfuI
wot dey does, dere is going to be a
me, elder" he blurted out.
1t turned out that Mary had loaned
a suit belonging to Isaac to her broth
er. Isaac spotted him with it on.
Hence the threat. And Mary felt
so sure that he would keep his word
that she had him arrested.
But 1t has all blown over now. They
will have their Christmas dinner to-
Sether. He was released on personal
bonds.
One Kind Of ssHonesty.,
ledge. All am wot 70 calls an
honest man. All neber stole any
thing in all nah bawn days. All
neber chen beat the conductor
outen a nickel wen All rode on de
cars"
What has that got to do with
your stealing this womans pocket
book%" the court asked Josh Mer-
win.
"Ah glib dat woman dat money
Judge" said Josh, zen All axed her
to gimme it back. She refused. All
just takes it fun her."
Don't you know" asked the
court that when you give things
away, you cannot steal them from
the person to whom you have given
them?"
Well Jedge." said Josh in de-
spair, "all desc laws wuz made for
wimmen. Dey amt made 70 a man.
He amt got no chanel at ALL"
The women wouldn't have a
chance. either" answered the court,
IF men could do anything they
pleased with them"
"Oh. I see." replied Josh, "dats
de- way 20 works it. All nebber
knowed dat before. wisht now
dat All had nebber seen dat woman"
when you get through this 80
day sentence" the court finished,
1T would be a good idea II you
would get nearsighted around all
the women"
Why Girls Do Wrong
Hortense Brady, mot Irish) used to
work in a laundry.
When she got married she quit the
job and went to housekeeping. It was
not long before she realized her mis-
take. 1t was all her husband could do
to keep a roof over her head.
She went back to work. Her hus-
band had to have money to play craps
with. She needed money to eat, Hub
by never thought Of that.
Her friends gave her a little wash
ing to do and the money she made
went into her husbands purse.
becoming exasperated, she did what
lots Of other people do. She swiped.
Her friends stuck to her for a while
and then held council of war.
Some OF the lingerie given Hortense
to wash had been sold. Her husband
lost the proceeds in the crap game.
The court did not want to send her
to jan. Her hubby had disappeared
and left her to fight her own battles.
So they released her, on parole, with
the understanding that she must