The Farmington times. (Farmington, St. Francois County, Mo.) 1905-1926, 1917-05-11
FARMER SMITHS BITTER LESSON
Christmas Mail Order Shipment Proves Nightmare
Bargains Are Decisions


Experience is the name men give
their follies and their sorrows. 1t is
the successive disenchantment of the
things of life.
1t Is reason enriched by the spoils OF
the heart. At least that is Smiths In
depreciation of experience
Disasreeable Brand of Wetness.
One December it happened that the
weather man seemed to conspire with
the mail order man. He turned out q
disagreeable brand of wetness that fill
ed the farmers with a distaste for the
"open road" that David Grayson so
enthusiastically praises in all seasons.
But all farmers are not optimistic,
like David.
Farmer Smith liked the comfort of
his sheltered home. So he naturally
was attracted by an invitation from
the mail order house to sit down in
an easy chair before the fire and select
his Christmas supplies from the pages
of wonder book left at his front gate
by the R b. D. man.
Wonder Book Solves Problem.
The idea seemed mighty attractive
and comfortable. He thought he might
as well experiment once anyway.
So he and his wife had nice time
filling out the yellow order slip accord
ing to their needs and revenue.
Then they sent 1t on its way to the
firm which promised them thrilling bar.
gains in all lines Of merchandise from
pins to palaces
The Smiths had made one trip to
town. The day had been characterized
by haste, hunger and worry. They
hadn't had time to buy what they
wanted.
So the catalogue seemed to solve the
problem for them. 1t seemed as If it
were going to save them lots of time,
energy, money and brain flag.
Shipment Arrives.
It was beautiful pre-Christmas
dream made up in four measures of
comfort, confidence, curiosity and hope.
1ub dWuhchlue CuLuS ultCL "ulNq hhC
wise the disillusionment
Their shipment arrived two days be-
fore Christmas. This was very reas-
surfing. But 1t necessitated special
drive OF nine miles to the nearest ex-
press office.
The G. o. D. express charges were
Unexpectedly high. The first intima-
ton Of a mistake came with the real
ization that the express charges ex-
ceeded the difference in price between
home store and catalogue house arti-
cles.
Traffic had been congested and the
passage rough. Damage was visible.
Smith hoped 1t wasn't serious, but he
took his stuff home with unpleasant
forebodings. and that night when the
family was asleep he and his wife
opened the package in the kitchen.
Caused Smith to Swear.
There was lot of excelsior to I'M
pack. but when the work was done and
the contents stood revealed there was a
verbal fireworks display, on the part Of
Smith, who forgot for the moment that
he was a deacon In the church, and
Mrs. Smiths tears were bitter.
The parlor lamp was a scream. Its
embellishments were livid enough to
light colored Baptist church without
the aid of acetylene.
The handcraft Battenberg looked as
II 1t had been made on a sweatshop
intended for overalls. The
guaranteed pure wool overcoat assur-
ed them at glance how thoroughly
they had been fieeced.
Passing up the balance Of the al.
legged bargains" the baby's stocking
was the piece de resistance of their
Christmas feast 1t was a tarlatan af-
fair, decorated with green and red |
yarn tassels and filed with Junk that
represented the discard OF a one cent
novelty stock and exuded suggestions
Of bacteria from top to toe.
Do Shopping at Home.
The stocking was the final straw.
Next morning Smith hitched up old
Bess. and be and his wife plodded to
own again through the slush to get a
bona fide supply OF Christmas gifts
What they bought then had the guar
intee OF the manufactures, the dealer
md their own eyes. for by this time
he Smiths were strictly from Missouri.
they had had their lesson.
Bnt how many thousands of Smiths
ind Joneses In this country who have
lad lesson. but hesitate--in fact, alb
olutely refrain-from letting their
ieighbors and friends know that they
lave been through the same expert.
.ncei
The reason that they do not admit Il
3 easily explained In a few words.
They are ashamed to acknowledge
heir cupidity and are waiting the OBJ
to see their neighbor bite.
After their neighbor fell into the trap
hey decided that the best use to
Vhich their catalogue could be put was
0 lay It under the Yule log and start
holiday blnze going In the old faeh.