New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1917-02-24
The Jitney Philosophers; or Nickel Platonsm
VI ON PREPAREDNESS

PERSONS OF THE DIALOGUE Socrates
IoGUE Parites, A PAcFsT; ScrapOEonis, MLTARIsT
Paritaes-Ths o Socrates, is beautiful day.
SOcrates-It is.
ParYe scrapoonius is bedgt with arctic Oversandas,
and ulster and armu and fur gloves and
umbrella. Pray, what is the for that?
Soc-Why do you not Scrapolonius himself?
Par did ask him. but he so busy repairing his UNI
brea that perhaps because of his trpepy eamuf he did
not hear at all
Soc-Nay he is accustomed to loud talk that fear he
pays heed to the ordinary tone of conversation .. .
Par.-Then l will raise my voice. WHY ARE YOU 50
CAREFULLY AND PROPHYLACTICALLY ACQUIRED,
SCRAPOLLONIUS;
Scrapolionus-To-day is beautiful day, it not?
Par-I is. saying the same thing to Socrates only
ScopYst,rday also day of soft sunshine and 1eph-
PaI-I was, I think, although my memory for unpleasant
ScrapIs it so short that you recall that there
have been and and and hail?
Par.-There have been such days, / admit.
ScrapAnd do you believe that such days likely to
PGT-Perhaps they are.
Scrap-Do you not believe they come tomorrow or
that even to-day NAV suddenly grow tempestuOus?
Par do not like to think Of such things while am IN the
sunshine, ScrapOlonius.
ScrapBut your not thinking of them will not ward them
of, will it;
Par-Neher will your preparation against them brighten
Scrap-No; but whoa they shall be ready and you
unfortifed against the cold and the damp may perish
Soc-You youths arguing and with great iogc about
Scrap-It impossible keep secret from you wise
teacher.
Soc-WeI then. is murder 5 war, joyous thing;
Scrap.-Indeed, should reply that it is not
Soc.-And is cowardice, is Poltroonery virtue
Par-Nay.
weang and that cowarce because he does not
hold that mighe nation therefore the greatest nation;
and vou Paxes would say that ScrapoOniu an arrogant
reaconarv who fight and who that because
there have always been there always must be Yet
you Paxite may be of great vaor and have high re
gard and affection for your nation and you Scrapoi
onu you would fight and for talk about
war being changes in the weather that is
olv For many things deemed mmutabe than war
have been changed You Scrapolonus Harvard as
frequently heard you say and have taken pride IN your
football team; vet when YOU lad in college there
members you dsiked and deemed sorry c-
ns But when you argued with Yale endowed your
with all the virtues and strengths and YOU Paxlles' had
as Yale man. a homoogous experience
Par-Perhaps did Socrates But also as \ ale man.
must denv familiarity with words like homoogous If
ike experience corresponding to ScrapoOniuss why
yes--I did
Soc-Both Of you sincerely hated the other team Yet if
had played team from the West you would have
united in bostng of superiority And Western tam
had won and YOU arguing with an knghman as TO the
merits of games YOU mighteher of you-te him that foot
ball as PLAYED in this and you might cite the Western
team as the best example of it better than
or rugby And you arguing with Malaysan you might
~ ai the Caucasian game of rugby the best of all
and YOU were arguing with Marian, might say that the
Maavsian game Of whatever they play in Malay
STA the game this entire planet called the eart d
so think some of mitarism only pride or conce or
vanity and believe this pacifsm absence OF self
respect or of assertiveness And while am no trimmer
hat
Par-Yet really pacihst are you not socrates
Sol was Paxitles until heard the pachsts talk and
the bgv and narrowness of their dialogues turned me from
them
Serap.-And you arc a miltarlst! 49,. -
Sol was Scrapoonius, until heard the millarlss TAX
and the arrogance and bigo of their talk turned me from them
Scrqp.-Then what are you:
am moi foolish enough to fight, yet am too proud
not TO fight ] am philosopher.
Wherein an Ambitious Pulverires Under the Strain
S ~, ~ use I that business OF consulting
Saturdays Tower lest TINS day CON
trbbng Of family says H""uS nave
s53 bad habits than ] need H..
Humanity must be considered nu' fu
g. III some gmekeeper Tom Lucys preserves hAd Pep
sthsetie young poache' He
weird would never have missed him.
g. ,s, ,b.o f.. my appearance in Bast OF baohee
6lur fans are fond Of phasng IT, quite some H' ~
FOR THE GOOD SPORTS CLUB, THE NEW REPUBlAO
SIR We mite agree you that The New Republics rae
card f b YOU made damaging quotations yesterday
was a very snoDbish affair - a. .,.h . card
On Fe,ar 9TH the Of discovery that such caro-
existed we tod the advertising department that our disgust was
unanimous They had the card killed Since February ''h none
has been cent out from this Office -, ,;r
n you reply that we ought have discovered inc caro-
that il ougt never 10 have been written we sha not up
either Both true "