The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1917-12-25

II
Once there was a man with a dual
personality. When he was sober they
called him John Stanton. When he
was soused he was known as John
Lee.
John Stanton made a trip around
town to see some friends. A few
, hours later John Lee was stagger-
ing up the street making noise
like a pickle.
He noticed laundry wagon stand
. ing near the curb. He suddenly re-
membered he had on q soiled shirt
It wouldn't do, he, thought, to 20
to see his girl that way.
Reaching in the wagon, he grabbed
a bundle Of clean clothes. Dodgast
II all. q cop was looking. But at
this time John cared naught for the
whole police department.
As he stuffed the bundle under his
t.coat he dropped his half-pint bot
tie on, the street and smashed II.
Disguised at losing his nkker, John
swore like trooper.
When he was locked up the COP
searched his pockets and found a
gun and enough ammunition to kin
regiment.
John told the court that he was
Just being good scout" But the
court said he was a rather bad
scout, all likkered up and ''toting
gun"
Sixty days for John Lee. His bet
ter half" known as John Stanton,
wasn't considered at all.
She Wanted II All.
A couple Of days ago Lille Turner
had a birthday. It is the last one, as
Lille Is supposed to stop counting
after this one.
Her beau. Louis Pratt. had promised
her q present. He had searched the
stores and couldn't find anything that
he thought she would like.
30 he came around to the house ana
told her his troubles. He decided sud-
denly to give her the money and let
her do her own shopping.
As he opened his wallet to hand her
81 she snatched the whole business.
Sixteen dollars went UP the spout in
a minute. She ran out as fast as she
could.
Louis was right behind her. He
caught her and was twisting her arm
trying to get his dough. Lille UP with
pitcher and let him have It on the
coco.
1t was some lovely bump that Louis
carried home with him. After DELHI
Grating on the matter all night he de-
cided to have her nabbed.
And for her trying to be hoggish
Lille must go to Jail for ninety days.
Jim Had an Awful Appetite.
Imagine a parior with eighteen
chickens running around in it. OF
course. it's understood that we mean
the feathered variety.
Some OF them were perched on the
piano, some sitting on the andirons,
others were tangoing on the man
tlepiece.
Ten minutes later sixteen Of them
were summarily executed. Their heads
were thrown out into the back yard,
right where a cop could see them.
This cop was looking for these
birds. anyhow. They had been stol-
en-. coop and all.
1t wasn't long before Jim Snow
den was locked up. Jim was awfully
disappointed. too, because he had
planned to have some" chicken din
ner.
The peculiar thing about this theft
| was that the chickens were valued
at so cents each. This makes 1t a
heinous offense. A 50-cent chicken
Is as rare these days as a ton OF
coal
For 90 days Jim viii have a chick
enless bill of fare at the workhouse.
It's a long way from chicken to
corned beef.
Out Again, in Again, Tommy.
Tom White had Just been out of Jail
one day. And during these twenty
four hours Tom was scheming how to
do something and not get caught like
he did the last time.
His sixty days did not reform him in
the least. By profession Tom was a
gentleman 'lifter."
After his plans were all laid he
swiped an overcoat. His lack of cash
prompted him to get Some as soon as
he could.
He got another boy to take the coat
to the pawnshop and hook it. The boy
came back with "a.
Tom had never heard those famous
words Of Burns about the plans OF
mice and men falling through.
The cops had him again. His ALLEGED
alibi fell through. He cursed his luck.
Also the cop that 'nabbed him.
Il am going to send you down for
so long," said the court, that when
you come out you won't need look at
an overwhelmingly days"
Such a Messf
Fred White didn't believe in letting
his left hand know what his right
hand was doing.
He had promised his girl a new hat.
He was dead broke. 1t was an awful
pickle to be in he thought, and he set
about to extricate himself.
He borrowed 81 from a woman he
used to go with. He bought the hat
for his new-found love. And now the
only thing he had to do as far as he
knew was to keep these two women
apart.
Last Friday as he was on the street
with Lottle Brown, his latest, up walk
ed Sarah Jackson. She would like to
have that 81 back, she told Fred. as
she needed it badly.
Angered. Fred told her to 20 where
they don't have any use for hats. His
new love became very curious,
In less than a twinkling Sarah no.
ticed Lottie's new hat In another
twinkling both women were sprawIed
all over the street,
In still another twinkling the court
had fined both SO. Fred was nowhere
to be found.