davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-05-04
LIKE M,LUKE SAYS

The reason we like to hear the average
 married man talking about Supporting" his wife is because his wife usually works 16 hours a day, seven days week, for her board and clothes. You can't always tell Sometimes boy acquires his good habits by not following in the footsteps of hls rather. It is hard to make man believe it. But many fellow has picked up a nice piece of change by merely keeping his mouth shut for a while. They can knock riches all they please The worst thing we know about riches is their scarcity.
 It always makes a man indignant to discover that his children have grown o1d enough to think for themselves.
 What has become Of the old-fashioned girl who couldn't dress without sticking
 about dozen pins in the vicinity of hel waist line?
 Another good bet is that man who is
 satisfied with himself is a man who is
 easily pleased.
 The reason why cures get a bigger play than preventives in this world is because
 cures cost more than preventives and are harder to find.
 1 Some men won't let the mere fact that
 they agree with you keep them iron arguing with you.
 Before girl picks up anything tha she hasn't paid for when she is in z store she should remember that the law
 is hard on a shoplifter and that the folk at the police station never even heard O
 the word "Kleptomaniac."
 In a newspaper write-up of the averag, i prominent wedding the bride is given { three column cut and the groom a one 1 column insert. This is waste of space
 The groom should be indicated by smal cross in the lower corner of the cut l What has become of the old-fashione' 1 man who used to engrave the Ten Com mandments on the head of pin? After the average woman makes up he
 face it looks as If it had been marked
 down.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-05-04
THE CUNNINGHAM BANTuM

From the New York World
 Congress must not permit some little whippersnapper of an army officer to tell the American people how to raise an y.-Representative Huddlseton of Ala bama.
 The American people do not have to be told what is the most democratic and most efficient way of raising an army. As against the undemocratic and wasteful method advocated by the Clarks and the Kitchins with the Huddlsetons bringing up the rear, they are overwhelmingly for the system that saved our sister republic, France.
 1 It might be suggested to MT. Huddleston that he consult with one "whippersnapper of an army officer now in Washington 1 Joseph Jacques Cesare Joffre, marshal of France, democrat of democrats-but something of courtesy is owed to the worlds greatest soldier and something of consideration to our own self-esteem.
 Joffre and his compatriots come to this country to tell us of the allies mistakes, not to have our own thrust upon them.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-05-04
THE wHIrE MAN,s ROAD

Arthur Chapman. in the Literary Digest. The white mans road is hard for us to
 follow;
 Our feet are bruised and bleeding, but who shall heed our cries? The white mans code-what has 1t been
 but hollow?
 No ears have caught our pleading-un-
 heard the red man dies. The white mans creed is lost in white
 mans shining;
 Our faith is slowly flagging-no door
 shall let us in- None sees our need, though fast our
 ranks are thinning, The weary feet are tagging that wear
 the moccasin. The white mans word what has it been
 but broken? Our lodge fires low are burning with out the air is cold; And thus unheard, with sorrows deep, unspoken. All hopeless are We turning--we who
 were kings Of oldt
The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-05-04
SWAT FEM. FLY on U-BoAT

From the Cincinnati Times-star.
 Housing from his long period of en- forced idleness, the house fly Is about to begin his spring campaign. This many eyed U-boat of the domestic main is @ frank advocate of frightfulness. He be- lieves in killing men, women and children without warning and without mercy.
 We suggest that housewives take an early lesson from the larger submarine war and screen their domestic territory as effectually against the fly as we are told the naval department is screening against the Teuton terror.
 Now is the time to begin. Either a u-boat or fly on the wrong side of the hscreen is sure hint of trouble. The home defense league should include a wig orous army of fly swatters who should enlist for the whole period of the war fol health.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-05-04
Geee m ng Ready For
 Veterans Reunion

FN HE national capital is now all
 ll astir with war preparations, and month from today it will be filling up with Confederate Veterans and the Sons of Veterans and the Daughters of the Confederacy. The reunion in June is to be a great event. The various committees have planned for a gala time. There will be sev- eral unioue features and all in all the occasion promises to be of exceptional thrill and beauty. Our own Hilary A. Herbert will be chief marshal and R. E. Lee, a grandson of the illus trious Confederate chieftain, will be assistant marshal. It is estimated that fully 5000 survivors of the Con- federate legion will be in the parade down Pennsylvania avenue and that thousands of southerners of this younger generation will be in the line of march.
 Scenes of heroism will be recalled l and the imagination will be keyed and the heart throbs quickened as the old soldiers pass in review-many Of 
 them for the last time.
 The parade will have distinctly patriotic character as well as historic and sentimental; and it will stand out impressively alongside of the war department in organizing a mighty army to fight in the trenches of France for world democracies and humanity. Honor and valor are the virtues that bind the veterans and the young soldiers soon to give their l blood for lofty ideals and principles they cherish.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-05-04
AirpIames Needed
For Mexicam Border

For Mleglca1a B0TdeT
 TN letter to the editor of the Hous-
 ton Post, Admiral Peary calls at
 tention to the need of an efficient
 air patrol along the Mexican border. { He writes: "Every mile of that line from Brownsville to San Diego Ga line which is four times as long as the
 present European western battle
 ssront, and of which more than half is TexAs fraatier) should be patrolled continuously by airplanes, to pre- vent further annoyance or worse"
 Little is heard from the Mexican border just now, but it would be fool ish to suppose that all is peace and tranquility there. The Mexican tenn perament would preclude that possi- bility, even if no German agents were \ trying to foment trouble.
 x The war department IS following Mexican affairs closely and will not Nbe caught mapping, but there is no @adequate air patrol and cannot be un- sgtil this branch of the service is made commensurate with our needs. Now that we are at war with Germany, it would be folly not to keep a close watch on the Mexican border. This cannot be done without large num- Der of trained aviators.
 @ Many persons believe that if the United States is ever invaded, the hostile army will come from Mexico. one knows how long the war is l5going to last, and, discounting opti- S(mistic predictions, how we are going to fare in it. That we may some day BSnave to face German army on our northwestern border-is not so improb- able as some of us may imagine.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-05-04
Reason for Better Road,

One reason why things are so dull in police circles just now" said E. w, Crump, night call man at police head quarters, is that the bad, whisky drink ing negroes have left Birmingham in such large numbers and their places have been taken by negroes from the country district who have either not the incli- nation to violate the law that some of the city negroes had or else they have not been here long enough to become contaminated.
 At any rate, we notice the difference. There are numbers of estimable negroes in Birmingham who are always law abid- ing and never give any trouble, but there
 has been large element of worthless criminally inclined ones as well, who
 would fill themselves up on bad whisky and proceed to give all, the trouble they could.
 T think one of the reasons these ne-
 groes have left here in such large num- bers is because of the strict enforce ment of the prohibition laws and when Alabama becomes 'bone-dry. look for a great many more to leave"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-05-04
SONS. UNoLEs AND NErHEws

From the New Republic.
 If asnewspaper correspondent were not
 constrained to develop cheerer outlook
 than his competitor, he might not fol-
 low the set lines of reporting. He might
 not write; Tt was learned in high ad-
 ministration circles tonight that the Sec-
 retary of War devoted the day to a se-
 ries of conferences with members of Con
 gress who came to discuss the issues of
 the war" Instead he might say: '"rhe Secretary of War; by working Is hours devoted as much of the day as was pos- sible- to the issues of the war, and tho
 rest to series of conversations with members of Congress who came to Wge the appointment of their sons, uncles Ind nephews to positions of importance in the war organization"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-05-04
to the officers training camp at Fort

to the officers training camp at Fort McPherson, Ga?
 It is quite probable that U. S. Grant would have been acceptable for the officers reserve corps, but all three of these stalwart Americans were actuated by a sense of duty in with the thought of self -glorification had no part. Their example should impress those young men, few of them rich mems sons, who seem to have an idea that they must be officers or nothing.
 Arthur Chapman voices the wrongs of the red man in a fine pome, but Arthur needn't waste any time sympa- thizing with the Indian who wears store clothes, has a daughter at college and chugs about in an automobile < * *
 Travellers along the railroads who throw out cigarettes and magazines to soldiers guarding bridges and tunnels should vary the monotony occasionally by heaving ham sandwich, wrapped so it won't get gritty.
 * * *
 There isn't a congressman on the face of the earth who knows more about the army than the men who have made 1t their life study. The sooner congress- men find this out, the better 1t will be for the country.
 It is possible to punish the system with cucumbers as well as tobacco, says a broad-minded man. Quite so, but the temptation to punish oneself with cu- cumbers can be resisted about 99 times in 100
 After glancing over the list of words that are taboo in a school of journalism, the ordinary newspaper man wonders how he contrives to hold his job. The Annette Kellermann pictures are being advertised in small towns now and the natives spend rapturous moments in front of billboards.
 
 Take 1t from Sam Gompers, Capt. Franz Rintelen was one of the busiest trouble makers ever sent to America by the Kaiser
 The citizen who is so much in favor it may soon be given glimpse of the trenches.
 If the Turk has any time to dream In his tent just now, it is suspected that he Is dreaming about a separate peace.
 * * *
 The kind of economy that keeps the chorus of a girl show almost nude isn't objected to by the tired business man. The people who speculate about what Napoleon would do in this war, must be hard pressed for some way to kill time.
 * * *
 By the way. can it be possible that the birth controllers have decided to shut up for the duration of the war?
 <; * *
 The Kaiser with his U-boats, may say with the poets gravedigger, T gather them in. I gather them in.''
 * * *
 It begins to look as if Uncle Sam will have a Central American army-more officers than privates * * * Villa seems to have disappeared. It wouldn't surprise some people if he turned up in Germany.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-05-04
Amy Thenne Rather Than That of War

STTHE administrative heads of H schools and colleges hereabouts
 are beginning to announce dates for this years announcements. Most of
 these events will take place in May
 some of them between the 18th and
 22d of May; others later in the month
 and few will be held early in June. In the north commencement time usu- ally ranges from the first week to the last week in June, but even in that climate the schedule will be pdshed up thissyear.
 Commencement orators will always be in demand, and the stock will never he allowed to run down. The bacca- laureate sermon has long been a fixed institution and the preacher chosen Ato deliver the Sunday discourse is ,xsupposed to be a man of large views jof life and spiritual speech.
 For the commencement address Ebroper the man sought must be able
 )o bring an original informing mes kare and flashes of wit and wisdom. Inf he fails in these requirements he ksLroves an exception to the rule, for l],ost of the university men-the |. D.s and the Ph. D.s-are fresh
 h thought and masters in the power #6f expression.
 X lii the forthcoming commencements wqRld be refreshing doubtless, to & most Commencement audiences if the V speakers-the doctor of divinity in the XUulpit and the savant chosen for the Sqreat oration would forget that the
 United States is at war and talk about sany other subject than belligerency. AThe pulpit is a good place in which ato arouse men to patriotism, and pa
 &riotism is a theme that cannot be
 soverworked in the classroom. But 1svery thinker of the commencement xorator class imagines that he has Ssomething worth while to say on the &thics of war and on the way to bring
 About lasting peace. But as we
The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-05-04

have to read so much about war and hear so much about it, morning, noon and night, the commencement exer- cises would be all the more educative and animating if the subject upper most in the minds of the people at this time were omitted for this one occasion.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-05-04
THE OUTLOOK ADMITS A BULL.

From the Outlook.
 In paragraph of the Outlook of March IA, by slip of the pen, we were made to say, "It is also maintained that neu- trai vessels which go into field of war,
 whether on land or on sea, must take their own risks" Even in time of peace
 the risks which vessel incurs when she ventures to climb onto the land must be
 assumed by herself; it is obvious that a
 vessel guilty of such perversty in wal time could meyer unload these risks on any government. however philanthropic. When the book of war bulls is pub lished, this specimen may take its place with that of the New York Tribune when it told of ~the shrieks of the dead and
 dying.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-05-04
Pig Iron Price. stIn Soaring

Steadily advancing prices on pig iron are now taken as 8 matter of course. The marking up of quotations S2 a ton at one time only serves to create a slight stir, even with the smelters themselves, who apparently have been convinced that the end has not yet been reached" says Rogers. Brown & Co.'S weekly statement.
 Tt hardly surprised anyone to knov that No. 1 Lake Superior charcoal has been sold this week for prompt ship ment as high as $50 at furnace, the buyer evidently being glad to get tho metal at that price.
 All kinds and grades of iron for shipment this year are becoming harder to obtain for shipment during that period It is not generally known, but 1t is a fact. nevertheless, that many foundries in the central vest will be called upon to obtain iron mainder of the prese.s sayear. Some of these melters are caught In this posi- tion due to an increase in their out puts, but the majority held back on account of high prices prevailing. en- tertaining the belief that there would be recessions instead of advances. The contrary has proved to be true and now no one knows when the end will be reached Some southern iron for prompt shipment has sold as high as S40 Birmingham basis. The question in the south is the same perplexin g one that is encountered in all districts and that is where are we going to get the iron to fill all requirements fo- the next few months?"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-05-04
Offer to Buy Alabama Potatoes

Emmett A Jones. commissioner of markets and immigration for the state of Alabama, Is in Birmingham assist ing in the work of the food prepared ness campaign MT. Jones in discussing the potato crop said:
 T am in receipt of 8 wire from the representative of a Newark. N. J., con- cern in which he states: Five million dollar contract for 5000 acres, 100000 barrels of Irish potatoes delivery in New York on or before one year from date of contract. Money now ready for payment on delivery of potatoes.'
 This telegram shows how the buy CTS are after foodstuffs and I don't know any reason why Alabama farm CTS cannot get in on that deal, as we can raise as good potatoes here as anywhere else. and we should have at least our share of that s5.oo0,o00 this year to make up for the s106000, ,00G worth of foodstuff that we bought out side of the state last year." said MT Jones.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-05-04
THE DERNIER CRIS

From the Omaha Bee
 A daughter was born to MT. and Mrs. c. T. Olson and a son to MT. and Mrs
 Fed Rasmussen last week. at birth day dinner last Thursday evening. Covers were laid for eight guests
The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-05-04

MUST MEAN EXPENSIVE. "A dear girl"
 ''Ar her friends say SO" Her father also says that she Is { dear girl. but I don't quite like the ex- pression on his face when he says it.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-05-04
RATHER SLOW

He kissed her on her lovely cheek
 And voted it pleasure. Her lips were near-the foolish geek
 Passed by the greater treasure.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-05-04
ADRIF'T WITH THE TIMES
A GREAT REJuyENAroR.

A GREAT REJUVENATOR. Hopeful still. whate'er betide him, Though the mockng fates deride him And the cost of living scars; See him on the bleachers yelling, 'Gainst the umpire word rebelling, Joyous when the home team scores. Baseball, though life's care redoubles, Helps him to forget his troubles, Makes him like a boy again; That, no doubt, Is Just the reason Why all through the summer season Graybeards root" with might and
 main.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-05-04
MIsDIREcTED.

Young man. said the austere re- former to the youth who was smoking a cigarette" are you aware that you are on the road to perdition?"
 Heavens, no! just now consulted a policeman and he told me this was the way to the postoffice" PAUL COOK.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-05-04
aGIvE FEM HELL, BoYsw

From the Omaha News.
 Albert Sledge, cook, 3455 South sixteenth street, signed up and was so well pleased that he secured five friends to join his organization.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-05-04
HOTEL LOBBIES
College to Continue

There have been rumors that Bir- mingham college will close early this year and perhaps not open at all next year, owing to the departure of Presi- dent Thornwell Haynes and the large number of students that are enlisting. However, F. M. Jackson of the board of trustees emphatically denied these rumors yesterday.
 The school will complete this ses- sion as scheduled and will open again next year at the regular time" de- clared MT. Jackson. "The board of trus- tees has granted Dr. Haynes leave of absence for the rest of this year and if the war continues the leave will be indefinitely extended. We hope we can get him back as soon as peace is con- cluded and until that time Dr. E. l.. Colebeck will be in charge. The school will have to be run very economically next year, but it's going to be run, and all of you can count on that"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-05-04
ESCAPING REspoNsIBTL1TY.

Why do you make use of so many quotations from the poets in your speeches?" It's this way" answered the spell binder. After have pumped crowd full of poetical quotations their brains are usually so added that they can't hold me to strict accountability for my own remarks"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-05-04
AN EYE TO COMFORT.

z117 I7I nI IO OC1'1O OIVr'
 'Is your boy going to war;" He's thinking about It." answered MT. Grabcoin, "but ever since Henry discov- cred that sword weighs less than an army rifle he's had his heart set on being an officer"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-05-04
MAGAzINE ENGLISH

From the Chicago Tribune. There will be another district att torney to try your case, he husked. ''- Metropolitan Magazine.
 Run that through your husker.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-05-04
MIGHT COME TRUE.

! MIGFiI CUME IRUE.
 This fortune teller says there is a cloud over my future"
 "Nonsensel Don't worry about a fool ish prediction of that sort"
 But she has started me to thinking.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-05-04
sPoILnNG A SERMON.

"Ah, my friend" said the moraIist. Consider the house that was built on sand"
 I'm willing to hear you tell it." an- swered the person who was trifle mar row between the eyes. T understand some of them winter hotels along the Florida coast makes mint O money"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-05-04

Remittances can be made at current rate of exchange The Age-Herald will not be responsible for money sent through the mails. Address.
 THE AGE-HERALD,
 Birming ham, Ala.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-05-04
e3u~IEzM&NAaau1lH

P. s.-If you haven got a baby, adopt WHY
The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-05-04

He lives fin fame, that died in vir- tue's cause. --Titus Andronicus.. |.
 % * <
The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-05-04

Why is it necessary to have Better reason. In nearly every large city of the United States in 1912 over 100 babies died out of every 1000 born. In several cities the death rate was above ITO out of every 1000 born. In addition to this were left so weak in both body and mind as to be care to parents or to the public so long as their enfeebled lives may last.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-05-04

Washington bureau. POT Hibbs Build ing.
 European bureau, 6 Henrietta street, Covent Garden. London.
 Eastern business office, Rooms 4S to 30, inclusive, Tribune Building, New z York city; western business office, Tribune Building. Chicago. The s. C.. Beckwith Special Agency. agents for foreign advertising