Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1917-04-28
SUBMARINES ARE
TO Be EASY PREY
Amateur Inventor Tells Of
Three Ways to Stop Ger
many's Best Weapon.
TO MAKE FLEET USELESS
BY A. r. GROH.

The mother of Invention is well
known. She is Necessity. Surely you
have not forgotten that necessity is
the mother OF invention,
A necessity now exists for an in
vention to put the submarines ION the
blink" And no doubt Necessity will
soon give birth to another Invention
that will make submarine about as
useful as wheel on monument
and about as harmful as beam
shooter against a battleship,
Although | am not an inventor !
have been directing my gigantic in
itellect toward this sproblem. Didn't
a drug clerk III England discover the
lnnammable bullet that put the Yep
tpelins out OF business? Wasn't he
getting SO a week and isn't he getting
$4,000 a year now from. the British
government? The answer is in the
affirmative 20 both questions. So WHY
Shouldn't | invent submarine
Paralyzer? ,%..
4 Now Working on EN-.
| have several inventions now un-
Ter way in my laboratories. any one
of which when perfected will make
Germany submarine fleet as useless
as a one-piece swimming suit would
be to a chicken. Ct mean feathered
Or barnyard chicken.)
2 One OF these inventions is nothing
less than tangling up the propeller of
The submarine. Yep! A small boat
pr destroyer siieaks up on the sub
marine from the rear, taking care SO
rs not to be seen. Arriving right at
The stern of the unsuspecting subnlar-
inc, it heaveS overheard great mass
of tangled wire. This wire is caught
by the propeller of the submarine
and, zippl in an instant it has been
wound all around it and the propeller
comes to a stop. The submarine is
helpless. 1t can't move. Then the
destroyer Just fastens line to the
submarine and tows it in to the near
est port.
To Seize Torpedo.
4 .My second invention consists of
pothing less than trained fish to at
tack torpedoes. A number of por-
poises will be caught and trained to
follow submarines. They will be
taught to catch hold of torpedoes
when they are released and to hang
on to them as they go through the
water. The training will be extended
TO such a degree that the fish will
learn to,turn the torpedo completely
around SO that it will go back and
strike the submarine that discharged
It. Bam!' Good night, submarine!
With a school of these trained fish
following each submarine none of
Them will ever dare release torpedo.
My third invention is a new method
of attack by which one man can put
4 submarine out. OF commission. The
man sneaks up on the submarine and
gets oniit. He has a big clamp with.
which he fastens down the hole
through swhich-tlfe men enter the sub
marine. His only. other weapon con-
sists of a can, Of black paint and
brush. He dips #the brush in the
paint and 4quickly paints over the
glass of tile periscope. The submar-
inc is now helpless. its crew impris-
oned and left to suffocate to death;
While all of my inventions may
be rejected by the naval authorities,
Gas am only an amateur), some in
vention lis going to be made very
soon that will make submarines as
useless as bows and arrows Mark
my word. The great necessity al
ways brings the great invention. The
invention will probably be made by
one Of us Americans because we're
the greatest inventors on. earth. We
invented the, submarine. aeroplane,
Lewis gun, steamship, electric light.
phonograph, moving picture and
nearly everything else. Well invent
the submarine snia sher