The mirror. (Stillwater, Minn.) 1894-1925, 1917-03-15
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From Our EXCHANGES

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If you find that swearing off has failed
to help bit, stop swearing off and for
change-just quit.
-"Now Rastus,' said the Judge, "tell
US just exactly where the automobile hit
you
ledge" was the earnest reply. "ef Aid
ben a-carryin' license numbah it sho'
would "a been busted to thousand pieces -
The teacher had offered prize for the
largest number of flies killed by any one of
her pupils. One day, after school hours,
Max came into the house crying bitterly.
"What on earth is the natter" inquired
his mother.
"W- why" sobbed the little fellow
was swatting flies, and-and one of-them
was "a hornet!''
"A travelling man one night found him
self obliged to remain in small town on
account of a washout on the railroad, caused
by heavy rain, which still was coming
down in torrents. The travelling man turn
ed to the waitress with:
''This certainly looks like the food
"The what?''
"1he food. You We read about the food,
and the ark landing on Mount Ararat. sure
ly."
"Gee, Mister" she returned, 81 amt
seen paper for three days"
Farmer Hans was in search of horse.
81 have the very thing you want" said
the stableman, "a thorough going road
horse, five year old, sound and strong, $175
cash down-and he goes 10 miles without
stopping.'
Hans threw up his hands skyward. "Not
for me- he said. 81 wouldn't gift up FIVE
cents for him. lif eight miles out in de
country and I'D hat to walk back two
miles,
AN old colored uncle was found by
the preacher prowling in his barnyard late
one night.
'Uncle Calhoun" said the preacher,
sternly, cit can't be good for your rheuma-
tism to be prowling round here in the
rain and cold.''
doctors orders, sah,'' the old man
answered,
doctors orders?'' said the preacher.
''Did he tell you to 60 prowling round all
night?''
''No, sab, not exactly, sah,' said Uncle
Cal; "but he done ordered me chicken
BROTH
"A three-hundred pound man stood
gazing longingly at the nice things dis
played in haberdasher's window for a
marked-down sale. A friend stopped to
inquire if he was thinking of buying shirts
or pajamas.
"Gosh, no!'' replied the fat man visit
fully. "The only thing that fits me ready
made is handkerchief
Sadie was eleven, and Alice was seven.
At lunch Sadie said: 81 wonder what part
of an animal chop is. Is it legl''
"Of course not;'' replied Alice: otis the
jawbone. Haven't you ever heard of
animals licking their chopse'
Here, Johnny" said the father, "what
are you doing in that bookcase IL want
to find history of the United States
"What fori" "Well, Billy Jenkins says
Tim Riley pitched for the Nationals last
year, and l want to find out if he did,
-Kaasas City Independent.
-"Can you tell me-" said the Court,
addressing Eurko Ufuzzi. under examination
at Union Hill, N. J., as to his qualifications
for citizenship, ''the difference between the
powers and prerogatives of the King of
England and those of the President of the
United States?' ''Yezzir, spoke up Uluzzi.
promptly. "King, he got steady Job.
Pale but smiling, Mrs. Smith entered
her lawyers Office. Taking the chair
beside the desk, she said: 1--we had
another accident, Mr.. Berg. Last night l
slipped on the pavement in town and got
hurt. The doctor says l ought to have
damages. "Why, Mrs. Smith, ex-
claimed the lawyer. ''isn't this the third
accident within a month"; eyes" she
replied proudly; "aint lucky!''