The herald. [volume] (New Orleans, La.) 1905-1953, 1917-12-13
WANTED:
q
By Raymond Maxwell
By Raymond Maxwell


Copyright 1917. Western Newspaper Union.)
Julia and Arthur Van Tyne entered
the holy estate of matrimOny with
high ideals. During their engagement
they passed many happy evenings ar
ranging the details of their future
home.
The servants were to be treated with
firm but mild kindness which was TO
reduce them to a condition of loving
submission. Julia said that it would
be very pleasant to be served always
by the same faithful creatures, and she
even went so far as to imagine Ar
thurs funeral when his bier would he
surrounded by a group of white-haircd
servitOrs who would sob that they had
lived with Master" for 40 years.
The Van Tyne's built pretty little
houses with every modern convenience
to add to the burden of their exis-
tence.
The first cook stayed two weeks, then
quarreled with the second girl and de-
parted. Another cook came. fingered
for five brief days and then left be-
cause she said "thim convaniences wud
set her crazy inside of month" Then
cook after cook passed through the
Van Tyne kitchen, pausing only long
enough TO kindle hope in the heart of
Mrs. Van Tyne and then quench it.
When the little Van Tynes began to
come TO live with their parents the
question became even graver. If the
fourth little Van Tyne had been n rag
ing lion instead Of a sweet, pink baby,
he could not have caused more misery.
He made his mother lose a "jewe"
who had been with her for over four
months and who had promised to stay
forever If Mrs. Van Tyne would have
a new porcelain lined sink put in the
kitchen.
Arthur Van Tyne became past
master in the wording of alluring and
misleading advertisements. He said
that he expected to be arrested ut any
moment for obtaining cooks under
false pretenses, but he gave full reign
to his imagination. He always spoke
Of his family as rather large, but quiet
and easily pleased
Then after he had spent q small for
tune in "ads," he turned to employ
ment agencies. One day while haunt
ing the agency of Mrs. Sarah b. Hack
EFT, he found cook who said she could
really cook and didn't object TO small
children. She went home with him
and put on her apron. The Van Tyncs
found THAI she could cook and then
they waited patiently to learn her in
firmity-for by this time they had
learned that no cook is perfect. They
found out that first evening.
The weird, long drawn notes of an
accordion came floating in from the
kitchen. The Van Tynes looked at
each other and smiled. In his rash
youth Arthur Van Tyne had said that
he would never tolerate an accordion
in his house, but now he only grinned
foolishly as he listened to 1.-THE Geor-
gia Camp Meeting"
The cook played the accordion IN all
her leisure hours, but the Van Tynes
were too meek now to hint that they
preferred another instrument. In this
lull Van Tyne wrote to his parents.
asking them to pay him a visit. II
want you to see our babies" he wrote,
$50 hurry up and come while we've got
a cook"
A day or two before he expected
them, Mrs. Van Tyne ventured to tell
the cook. When she returned TO the
library she said: "We can't have your
father and mother just now, Arthur"
"Why not?" he asked.
"Cook says that she doesn't like peo-
pie staying in the house. She don't OBJ
ject to 'mealers' once In a while. but
she won't have 'sleepers,' because II
makes so much fuss at breakfast"
Van Tyne said something behind his
book, then added, II suppose I'll have
to telegraph them not to come. We
can say we think Minnie's coming
down with some disease, for 1 don't
want to hurt their feelings. And 1t
won't be any lie, either, for she'll catch
something before the kilograms deliv-
ered."
"Minnie's had everything but the
Spanish measles and the small pox."
her mother answered with sorrowful
pride.
II thought she had had all three
kinds of measles" Van Tyne said. "But
there are four kinds-red, black, Span
ish and German. I do hope that all
the children will have the last kind
this winter, then we will be through"
"Then Minnie will invent a new kind
herself. She won't ever be satisfied II
she doesn't have some kind of rash,"
Van Tyne answered. Between the
children being sick and our servants
my life isn't worth living any more"
But for time all went well again.
Then q month later Mrs. Van Tyne
met her husband at the front door as
'-'"'--o->~-----co-~-~ ->->-~-~-~-~~~--~~o
FREAKS OF BOMB EXPL 0SI0NS /