The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-05-16
MEN, WOMEN
 AND THINGS
The Mississippi.


 But before I write about it wish to spring some items I got on ''The Eccen- tric Missouri"
 Are you from Missouri? If so and you want to know the truth about the Mis- sissippi and the Missouri rivers I'll tell you The Mississippi ought to be called the Mother of Waters" and the Missouri the Father"
 Ine geographies state that the Missouri empues into the NIississippi; this shows how little respect for truth the geogra- phers have; they mean well, but they have never seen the Missouri river at the place where 1t "empties into" the Mississippi The Missouri, the Mother of Waters" has travelled almost 5000 miles before it "empties into" the so-called Father of Waters" and is is navigable for 25OO miles above that point.
 
 All have heard the story of the way Pat caught a Tartar" Pat was in bat tie with the Turks and shouted that he had caught Tartar" His comrades cried out to him to bring him along" |" T can't" said Pat Then come along with him." responded his friends. Be gorra, wish I could, but he won't let me- was Pats wall. The Missouri river empties into the Mississippi about the way Pat caught Tartar.
 A river man who knows both of them says: The Mississippi Is a ladyllke, placid stream that glides along gracefully with l out going out of its way or doing any thing to make people talk; but after 1t meets the Missouri it simply passes out of existence Where 1t goes to, nobody 1 kpows, but it Is absurd to says that the flood, with 5000 miles of past" to it's credit, or discredit-"empties into" 1t. sess
 The cynic who gave the Missouri such a bad name says 1t is the most discon- tented river in the world; it is harder to please in the matter of beds than a travelling man. Often it will get up and 0(A tle down in a new place-generally se- lecting some farmers best field for the purpose.
 You may live on the banks of the Mis- souri and tonight retire to rest thinking how convenient it is thus to be situated on large navigable river-and when you get up in the morning and go down to the river for pail of water to chop up for breakfast you find 1t isn't there; 1t has vamoosed between sundown and sun-up, and you will have to wait for the papers before you can find out where 1t has gone.
 But don't get the idea that the Missis- sippi is any less restless, for it has regu- lar nightmares and walks in it's sleep. The Mississippi river is not to be de- pended upon. It loves to do the unex- pected. For a time 1t will behave itself and people will begin to think it's going to settle down for good-but then it will backslide and go off on the ram page again. I know what am talking about, for I once lived in vicksburg, the city that the Mississippi fell out with and refused to run by it any longer, but left it a lake.
 
 If you travel hundreds of miles at flood tide on the Mississippi you will get wise to why the levee problem is always be- fore those who live on it's banks. The Mississippi river mixes up state lines, laughs at county boundaries and swal- lows city wards It is fond of railroads, and 1t often eats up miles of them in few hours. It also likes farms, and If a man goes away from home for awhile it Is 10 chances to one that on his return he will find his land gone down the Miss sippi-swallowed up by this unsuitable river. On the other hand, sometimes the river brings down lot of fine soil and gives it to a poor man who has only a small farm, thus making him rich. I have seen the Palisades on the Hud- son, watched the castles of the Rhine, passed through the gates of the Danube and shot through the rapids of the St. Lawrence, but for novelty the greatest river trip I ever made was from vicks- burg to New Orleans at flood time, when to make short cuts the great steamer J. M. White would sail through the back yards of some of the great antebellum hcmes which lined the banks of the Mis- sissippi.
 The Mississippi is hard to control, and ia spite of the millions spent upon it the levee question Is a live one in the political and commercial world. When it gets at | flood, business stops, traffic stops, regu- lar living stops. Communities pass un- der a kind of martial law. Every able bodied man, from convict to bank pres ident, is pressed into service. The railroads in the states attacked, often the heaviest losers, suspend their passenger and freight services and turn their armies of employees into organized corps to fight. to repair or to relieve dis tress. The United States army sends it's engineers and commissary officers out to take charge of construction and supply problems, good deal more complicated than those which might be created by an invasion of Mexico. The Red Cross pro- vides it's units as in war time And the river wins nearly every time. It never bluffs. Every time it exacts and gets it's trihyto of rlIiD and claims ftS heavv in-