davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The state herald., 1917-05-25
WOMEN NEVER CAN SEE JOKE
This Was Browns Conclusion After He
Had Reeounted One That Had
Been Told to Him.

Brown met Johnson the other morn
Ing hurrylng along the street. The
latter had parcel under his arm, and
Brown, always inquIsitive. wanted to
know what II contained.
"well," said johnson, "lf you must
know. I've just bought n pair Of CATERS
very nice ones, too"
"where att" asked Brown.
"Oh, i don't know the name. but
it's little shop Just down that alley
across there" said johnson.
"Hn-ha" laughed Brown. who al
why's liked his little Joke. then they
must be alley-gaiters."
This 80 tickled johnson TINT he
mnde UP his mind that he must tell
that to his wife. so. on reaching home.
he burst into the room, and laughed
until his wife thought he would never
stop.
She could not mike out what on
earth was the Joke. so Johnson started
to tell her.
"Ha-ha, he-hei Oh. lor. such jokel
! Just met Brown. and he asked me
what I'd got In my parcel.
II told him I'd bought new pnir Of
lcggings. but didn't know the name OF
the shop, but II was Just down the
court.
"Hc Immediately made good Joke
out Of II. He said, Good Then
you've got two crocodllesl whati
You can't see III Well, I'm blest I"
said he. MS his wife maintained n &C.
rious expression. THAT'S Just the
worst OF women. They can't see
Joke when It is staring them In the
face, snw II In n moment"
Then he went out into the fresh mir.
slammlng the door ms he did so.-Lon.
don Tit.Bits.
The state herald., 1917-05-25
LINDERFELT IS MAJOR
TROOPS MUSTERED IN FOR NEW
CAVALRY SQUADRON.
John Evans Has Charge Of RssIstra.
tlon for seiectivs Service for
Colorado Troops.
Western Newspaper Union New. Service.

western Newspaper Union News ssrvice.
Denver.-General orders issued by
the adjutant generals office. recog.
nized the official organization Of the
Second squadron of cavalry of the
Colorado National Guard. X. Il. Lin
derfelt, former army officer and for
several years active In the state MI
litia, has been commissioned major Of
the new cavalry.
Mai Linderfelt accepted the com.
mission and reported at the state
house for duty. The troops compris.
ing the squadron already have been
mustered into the state service and
include Troop e. Denver: Troop F.
Walsenburg; Troop G, Steamboat
Springs and Troop H. Telluride.
John Evans began the active duties
of provost marshal of Colorado. He
was assigned to the rooms Of the
speaker ofithe House Of Representa-
tives, where he will have charge OF
the administration of the registration
for selective service for Colorado
troops. He will be subordinate both
OF the State Military Board and the
War Department. His work will in.
cludo the notification of all the sher-
IFS in Colorado OF their duties in re-.
gard to the registration Of citizens for
war service.
The state herald., 1917-05-25
BOYS WHO "MADE GOOD"
ON FIELDS OF BATTLE
In Northern and Southern Armies
Alike Youngsters Showed Them.
selves Possessed Of the Spirit
Which Has Made Our
Country Great.

~ OIL. JOHN II. wHALLEN of
Louisville, Ky, the youngest re-
~ cruit Of the Confederacy, had
one Of the most interesting war
records Of any Of the Kentucky youths
who left their homes to participate in
the war between the states. Colonel
Whallen died October IA, 1913. He
was in poor health In the early sum-
mer Of that year and did not attend the
annual reunion Of the Confederate vet
erans in Chattanooga.
Another heroic drummer boy was
Robert Henry Henderson. When the
Federals were trying to build bridge
Of boats across the Rappahnnnock the
task was rendered seemingly impossi-
BILE by sharpshooters hidden In dwell
Ings and shops on the opposite side.
Volunteers were called for to cross
the stream and clear them out. The
officer In command chose one hundred
men, who were to make dash In
boats. Little "Bobby," trying to en-
ter one Of the bonts, was ordered out
of 1t but told to push 1t Off. He clung
to the stern until he found himself on
the other side of the stream. Then,
opening the back door of n house, he
captured n sharpshooter and brought
him away us prisoner. In the pres
encc Of his regiment General Burnside
said to him: "BOy, glory In your
spunk. II you keep on this way for n
few more years you will be in my
place"
There was boy in the Army Of
Northern Virginia, sixteen years old,
who during fierce engagement was
The state herald., 1917-05-25
Druggists Customers Praise
Kidney Medicine

Dr.. Kilmer's Swamp Root is the
best. seller on the market today in this
locality. believe it is all that is claimed,
and during my experience Of eight years
In handling II as kidney, liver and blad-
der remedy I have never heard single
complaint and know that 1t has produced
very beneficial results in many cases, ac-
cording to the reports Of my customers
who praise 1t highly.
Very truly yours,
HERBERT 8. MAXWELL,
Druggist.
June 5, 1915. Plymouth. Mass.
Prove What Swamp-Root win Do For Yos
Send ten cents to Dr.. Kilmer 4 Co.,
Binghamton, N. Y, for a sample size
bottle. 1t will convince anyone. You
will also receive booklet Of valuable
information. telling about the kidneys
and bladder. When writing. be sure and
mention this paper. Regular fifty.ccnt
and one-dollar size bottles for sale at all
drug stores.-Adv.
The state herald., 1917-05-25
ovn.sr Call. ou, Colorado Guards.

Dcnvcr.-By nm executive order
Gov. Guntcr has authorized ahc I'm.
mediate mobilization OF such portions
Of the National Guard OF Colorado mr.
are needed for purposes OF guarding
and protecting the railroads, telc.
phone. telegraph md power lines. wa.
ter systems and other important
property throughout tho state. Tho
proclamation gives Adjt. Gen. Frank
ID. Baldwin full power from this timo
on 10 call upon nny or a,l units OF the
guard for active service
The state herald., 1917-05-25
Runs Down Woman; Speed. Away.

Evans.-Mrs. Sadie Newall of this
place is in the Greeley hospital suf-
fering from q conclusion OF the brain.
several bad cuts and bruises and in
ternal injuries that may prove fatal.
as the result OF an accident while
walking in the road between Greeley
and Evans. She was on the right side
OF the road, when an automobilist
came along at high rate Of speed and
ran into her. knocking her down and
rendering her unconscious. The driv-
er OF the car paid no attention to her
injuries. but continued his mad drive.
leaving her lying in the road. from
which place she was picked up by an
other autoist and taken to the Greeley
hospital. The identity Of the auto
driver is unknown. and she refuses to
tell who It was. tho she evidently
knows.
The state herald., 1917-05-25

struck by bullet In the breast. At
TINT moment his colonel ordered the
men to dismount. springing, as he
spoke, from his own horse.
II Will hold your horse. colonel" !"
said the wounded boy. who lay helpless
ON the ground.
Pausing In the midst Of n storm OF
bullets, the colonel replied: "But you
can't do that, lad, you are dying"
II know ! am, colonel. but can hold
the reins when am Dead"
The colonel placed the bride In the
boys hands. When the fight was over
he hurried back ind found him lying
dead, the relns still wrapped tightly
about his limp right hand.
When nine years old Michael +. Don.
Ohio left for the front In the summer
OF 1861 MS n drummer boy and after
ward served with the old One Hundred
and Forty.ninth New York volunteers,
with which regiment he was mustered
out at Syracuse August 10. 1866. The
lad faced the fires Of the entire year.
passing through all the campaigns on
the Potomac. seeing the terrors Of Get
tysburg and knowing what It means to
serve under the great generals Grant
md Sheridan.
Bearing the scnrs OF war over his
body. but robust md CHEEKY, Mr. Don.
Ohio. who was slxty.Rvc years old Mny
q, now resides In Auburn. N. Y, proud
In the knowledge that he II one Of the
youngest" veterans OF the Civil war.
The state herald., 1917-05-25
SOFT, CLEAR SKINS
Made So by Daily Use Of cutieura
Soap and olntment-Trlai Free.

The Inst thing at night and the first
In the morning, bnthe the face freely
with Cutlcura Soap and hot water. II
there are plmples or dandruff smear
them with Cuticura Ointment before
bathing. Nothing better than Cuticura
Tor daily toilet preparations.
Free sample each by mail with Book.
Address postcard, Cuticura, Dept L.
Boston. Sold everywhere.-Adv.
The state herald., 1917-05-25
Registrar !. Made Captain.

Boulder.-Fred L. Hagen. registrar
Of the University OF Colorado. has
been designated by the War Depart.
ment to take the examination for cap.
tain In the qunrtermaster's depart
ment. He Is the only man In the state
to receive favorable action ON an mp
plication OF this nature.
The state herald., 1917-05-25
JUDGE Goddard. 70. d, Dead.

Denver.-Luther N. Goddard. for.
mer Colorado Supreme Court Justice.
died at his home at 2G5s Humboldt
street Sunday. His death was the re-
suit OF . stroke OF apoplexy. He was
10 years old.
The state herald., 1917-05-25
Blast Caused by Lamp.

Hastings, Colo.-Blame for the ex.
plosion In the Hastings mine OF the
Victor'American Fuel Company April
q. which cost 100 lives. was placed
by coroner's jury on an open safety
lamp found near the body of David II,
Reese Of Denver. n mine Inspector.
The state herald., 1917-05-25
Hundred. Attend Aviator. Funeral.

Denver.-Hundreds OF floral pieces.
from aviators. military officials and
friends in all parts Of the country
made the funeral Of Aviator Victor
Carlstrom q notable one. Formerly OF
Denver. Carlstrom became an In.
stfxstor In aviation only one week
after leaving his Colorado ranch to
study flying and before his death at
Newport News. Va. had brokep one
worlds record and attained . reputa.
ton which placed him In the foremost
ranks Of the nations airmen. The
body was brought to Denver by Carl
Carlstrom. = brother. who II also an
Instructor in the government aviation
school at Newport News. His parents
live In Sweden.
The state herald., 1917-05-25
MInsrs os. 20 Per Cent increase.

Dcnvcr.--An advance OF approx.
matciy 20 per cent In tho wages OF
$4,000 workers In all the coal mines
OF the state. effective May LIST. was
announced by the operators.
The state herald., 1917-05-25
Her Choice.

"What fine carriage that man
hnsv"
"Yes. But I'd rather know the man
with the millionaire slouch who owns
limousine"
The state herald., 1917-05-25
she,. Found . Place to Start.

snow that We are Mt war we shall
have to practice rigid economy"
IAN right, my dear, looked Mt your
last years hat this morning and am
sure 1t will do ngain for this summer.
The state herald., 1917-05-25
"rhs spIrI. Of Spring" Nay F....

Fort Collins.-"The Spirit OF
Spring." fairy.likc Interpretation Of
the blossoming OF nature In spring.
time. was the feature OF tho annual
May fcte at the Agricultural College.
The state herald., 1917-05-25
Boulder re.ehers' salarie, Increased.

Boulder.-Ten per cent increase In
tho salaries Of all Boulder teachers
was voted at the special meeting OF
the school board. The raise In sal
aries will affect about seventy.fivc
teachers.
The state herald., 1917-05-25

Makes the laundress happy-that's Red
Cross r;. Bag Bag Blue, Make. beautiful clear
The state herald., 1917-05-25
COLORADO
STATE NEWS
COMING EVENTS.
IRA Newspaper Union News ssrvies.

June g-S.-Nesting woman's Home Mis-
sionary Society at Windsor.
June 1e.-Annual Strawberry Festival
and Carnival at 0lsnwood Springs.
June H-21-Chri.tian Endeavor Con-
vention Rt Balida.
Aug. National Convention of Afri-
can Race at Denver,
Sept. l7-32-Colorado State Fair at Pu-
oblo,
The state herald., 1917-05-25

Hunger Is the best sauce.
The state herald., 1917-05-25
PRESIDENT SIGNS
DRAFT MEASURE;
/ TROOPS TOFRONT
Division Under Command Of
Major General Pershing.
REGULARS FIRST TO FRANCE

Executive Sets June s a. the Date Of
Registration for All Men Between
the Ages Of q and Sire.
Jects Roosevelt Volunteer
Army Declares Il
Would Interfere
With Present
Plans.
The state herald., 1917-05-25
All Must Cooperate.

THE power against which we arc
arrxycd has sought TO impose It's will
upon the world by force. To this end
II mas Increased armament until II
has changed the facc OF war. In the
sense In which We have been wont TO
think Of armies there nrc no armies
In this struggle. There nrc entire mn.
lions armed. Thus. the men who re-.
main to I'll the soil md mnn the fac.
tovies are no less 4 part Of tho army
The state herald., 1917-05-25
Says hs 10 Responsible.

"He nnmed many of those whom be
desired to have designated for the
service and they were men who cannot
possibly be spared from the too small
force Of officers at our command for
the much more pressing md necessary
duties Of training regular troops to be
put into the field In France md Bel.
gium MS fast as they can be got ready.
"The first troops sent 10 France will
be taken from the present force Of the
regular army and will be under tho
command OF trained soldiers only.
"Thc responsibility for the success.
full conduct Of our part In this great
war rests upon me. I could not escape
II II ! would. ! nm too much inter
cstcd In the cnusc we IRE fighting for
to be interested In anything hut sue.
cess.
"Thc issues involved nrc too I'm.
mcnse for me 10 tnkc Into considcrn.
tlon anything whntever except the
best, most effective. most immediate
means Of military notion. whnt these
means nre know from the mouths Of
men who hive seen wnr M II In con.
Quoted. who have no illusions nnd TO
whom the whole grim matter In n mnt.
ter Of business. ! shnll center my
attention upon those matters nnd lot
everything else wait. I should be deep.
ly 10 blame should ! dv otherwise.
whatever the argument OF policy or Of
personal qualification Of advantage"
Arizona republican., 1917-11-17
For Sale-Real Estate

CASA GRANDE COTTON LAND
 I HAVE two relinquishments; one 1e0 acres, the other 320 acres, in the heart of the deep soil. big mesquite and shallow water district of Casa Grande Valley for sale There is no better land in Arizona and the price Is right.
 L. W. McADAMS, 35 s. Center
Arizona republican., 1917-11-17
CATTLE
 AND R ANGM AUCTION N

Monday. Nov. 1s, at 10:3o. on the F. 2. Schmidt ranch. miles west, t5 north and ii west of Glendale CT 2is Tnsias south and E east of Peoria. Having sold my ranch. I will sell 50 heaa of stock and all farm implements, etc. as follows;
 2s head Al nnilchvcows, all young. good producers,
 g yeaTiiag hesfers.
 12 calves. 2Ss year old Holstein bull. fine individual.
 yearling bull
 8 Brood sogs.
 boar, IS shosts.
 c work mares. 5 colts. 2 sheep, l set work harness, buggy, 1 mower, rake, riovs. disc. farm tools. automobile. s,sck = tons good hay. some heass- hold goods. etc, etc,
 Pres C2aeteFs2 lunch at noon. Every bedy insaisd to this sale. Terms: On sums Of s5B and under cash, over that amount credit st e EnsGtilS Siii be given eB approved rsse; drawing 70 per cent interest
 I. R. SCHMIDT, owner.
 4. B. DUNLAP, Clerk.
 B. w. GeGssnger
 AzsetioaeeF
 16 East Adams St.
Arizona republican., 1917-11-17
For Sale-Houses
SOMETHING GOOD


 Gentlemen, let me draw your atten tion to beautiful 7-room home on 75-foot lot, close in; northwest. Let me tell you also that this house is nicely furnished. Owner in Seattle is anxious to sell It is the best home buy in our city today Have nice cellar, garage. drive way. Hardwood floors. This is more than modern. See 1t, you will agree with me. It is of fered complete as it stands for S6500. You will want it. Apply today, for 1t will sell.
 NUNNELEY
 IT North First Ave dn BARGAIN IN MODERN concrete 6- room bungalow. Phone 114-J-S- bm WE OWN several modern houses in Wentworth. Kensington and Capitol additions. These are for sale on terms; possession at once. Southwestern Building & Investment Co.; Jos. John ston. secretary. S1 North First Ave. If ATTRACTIVE bungalow, rooms and screen room. built-in features, hardwood floors throughout, thorough Iy modern Terms. Phone S405. 1150 E. Fillmore ds FOR SALE-Furnished brick house. 731 E. Wash. St.
 Also three 50 it. lots, West Taylor, between 18th and 16th Ayes. Box SIS, C. J. Geraty, Mesa. Arizona. bp NICE FIVE ACRES of land, all in good clean alfalfa; 2l3 miles from center of town. northeast; for sale at a bargain: terms Phone UP. If FOR SALE-5-r room brick: modern; g.. 900; $500 cash, $35 month.
 S-room frame; modern, s1.500; $500 cash. s15 month. Box S3S Republican.
 hr 8-ROOM DOUBLE modern brick house in restricted district. Price S250O. S25O cash. balance $30 per month. Rent from other side will make the payments. See BURNS, S1 North First Ave. II
Arizona republican., 1917-11-17
Biz F PuIlbliG
 S
 Sale @f State F air i Grounds

 sil s-a- Including entire disposal of fr Roy Goodrich herd of 35 COWS; - head from herd of Prank Reed
 ers- rousisnments from several 2 ro-ld herds of the valley. No % rm1ls that even approach the breeding value Of these cattle have .ro- recn offered at public auction. At " r"r-t sales cattle have sold
 regard to records of immedi- rtu shes and dams The intelligent rr rrrc-hred animals will await
 r.ru1itv 10 add to his herd or -l-- new one Holstein breeders 0f 1eo know that butter fat re-
 t.r makes value in register r1 animals. and It is only the novice uha contents himself with animals E- because thcy are registered and l-a rr ulr relatives with large off .I butter records The dairyman who -r-f-uu'.fes founding a registered rrr ne we'll rewarded if he pre- 2. -ure h7ee some of the wonder f seed stock this sale will offer The eelr -c.ufls-
 .- e- Grand Champion cow a"a l-7- nun pile ud3t -J r-r week.
 -E huu. nearest dams aver -r -6 Ire- butter one week.
 cow with es lbs butter. 3-year-old
 days.
 2 t.w with -1 lbs. butter. days r.rz each with 15 lbs. butter week --
 -ar551rEhter of a COW with SS --s weekly butter record
 e-a-f5aurhters of cow with s6 --e batter. g days.
 ar5lauEhters of q worlds record COW with S2 lbs. butter in one week at gears
 e-snddauehters Of COWS S1 lbs. weekly butter record. All official rec ards
 Do-l1eic catalogues giving pedigrees .s- r l. records. etc. soon issued. Sale 70 he held following Fair week --n-cfresday. Nov. 21. Big barbecue ar mon. sale begins Il o'clock.
 Auctioneers COL R E HAEGER. Algonquin, Ills. C. VI. NcMURTRY, Phoenix, Arizona.
 PediEree Expert:
 S r. WOOD Syracuse, N. V.
Arizona republican., 1917-11-17
Auctions
Auction Sale Thursday, November 2Smd. l P. M.

Three and one half miles west of Phoenix. one-half mile west of Buck eye road. one-half mile south Murphy school, one half mile west Having been called to Montana uneX- pectedly, I am obliged to sell all my real and personal holdings in this val ley, which includes the following:
 1 1916 Studebaker truck, lights and starter. .&aszAs Good family milk COW, Holstein.
 Two yearling calves.
 Complete furnishings for four room home.
 All tools and implements.
 90 hens. White Leghorns and Rhode Island Reds.
 10 Indian Runner ducks.
 My five acre home place, fully inn proved. nice fruit orchard. grapes planted between the rows. One acre fenced for chickens, good four room house, with all conveniences, two fine chicken houses; only three and one half miles from Center and Washing ton Sts.
 This ranch will be sold to the high est cash bidder on the following terms, one half cash, balance terms. ? per cent off for cash. The ranch is un- encountered.
 Anyone looking for a fine little ranch should be sure to attend this sale.
 WILL SMITH, owner THE BIEHL AUCTION HOUSE,
 AuctiOneers
 For particulars regarding this ranch, call at 47 West Jefferson St. dd
Arizona republican., 1917-11-17

FOR SALE CHEAP-S0 acres ranch in little Chino Valley. near Jerome Jet, Ariz., fenced with 4
 wires and cedar posts Two room house. Well of good water Address Box No. 46. Jerome Jet, Ariz ds
 FOR EXCHANGE-1O acres Bartlett pears, just coming in to bearing; trees in the pink of condition. years old
 with pumping plant, plenty of water. in the beautiful city of Riverside Califor- mia; just off the main boulevard to Los Angeles. Will take Arizona property
 ranch or residence. or what have you Will consider good mining or oil stock. ~ ~P.s0s xs4.sSuperfcr..Ariz. br
Arizona republican., 1917-11-17

-S3T50- Brand new brick bungalow, 5 rooms and screen room with canvas avn ings, cement yeranda. built-in fea- lures.
Arizona republican., 1917-11-17
For Sale-Real Estate
Fair Sale, SlO,0WO

{ per cent first mortgage on 320 acres improved fine farm land; will make reasonable discount. Box S11 Repub-
 lican. If
Arizona republican., 1917-11-17
RELINQUISHMENTS CASA GRANDE VALLEY

All above are level. fine soil and shallow water Some partly improved s. C. MILLER COMPANY 32 N First Ave. Creighton Bldg. br FOR SALE-80 acres fine cottor land, adjoining one of the best farms in the Casa Grande Valley. Will furn- ish water for irrigation for two years at cost of pumping. A rare bargain at $35 per acre Address P. o. Box IS: Casa Grande, Ariz. bI THAT FARMING UNDER PUMPING PLANT IS A GRAND SUCCESS. is proved by the Goodyear Tire & Rub Der Co. and many others. In- vestigate the lands we offer you. They are the very best and we can help you-DON'T PAY RENT. BUY A FARM. Liberty Bonds accepted as cash. Central Arizona Land Co. 415 N. B. A Bldg. t THE MARKET OF TODAY PIMA COTTON Sic. or from $240.00 to s4S0.00 per acre gross.
 ALFALFA HAY. $3O00 per ton, or from $150.00 to $200.O0 Der acre gross.
 MILO MAIZE, $60.O0 Der ton. or from $600O to $12O.O0 per acre gross.
 CASA GRANDE LAND that will produce the above from S15.00 to 5000 per acre Ac- curate estimates furnished upon request. We are in posi- tion to be of real service to you. Come in and investigate. PUMP IRRIGATION IS A SUCCESS.
 CENTRAL ARIz. LAND co.
 415 N. B. A. Bldg.
Arizona republican., 1917-11-17
NOTHING LIKE IT

NOTHING LIKE IT
 A beautiful 7-room brick. modern home on 60 foot lot,~2 blocks North Washington St car this side of Capitol building. Large closets. built in eff fects. Beautiful fire grates. This home can be purchased. and you move in tomorrow. for $4o00.00. but must have s2,000.00 cash. Worth s5,000 O0 Buy it. Opportunities like this sold by Nunneley. IF N. First Ave. bn COCHISE COUNTY STOCK FARMS 372 acres. level fine soil, near Court land. All fenced, fine improvements. 45 head stock, all implements. s9000 %. 320 acres, rich soil, 75A. in cultiva- tion. Pumping plant, houses, barns. farm implements and work stock. s5oo0o0
 S. c. MILLER COMPANY
 32 N. First Avenue bg
Arizona republican., 1917-11-17
-S420O-

-S4200- Brick bungalow on North Central Avenue with half acre, large porches, buffers pantry handsome fire place. This is, 5000 under actual value.
Arizona republican., 1917-11-17
Dwight B. Heard Central & Adams

HOUSE on East Monroe St, $1700, on terms, Moore & Hayes, 34 N. Cent CT bn
Arizona republican., 1917-11-17

Chicken and all poultry sale starts 1:O0 D. m. sharp. We will offer the fin est lot of chickens we have ever had the pleasure of selling. There will be thoroughbred Rhode Island Reds, White Leghorns brown Leghorns, both hens and bullets. We will also sell good mixed hens, bullets and flyers Bring in your chickens and turkeys to this sale. as there are many out-of- town people here looking for good chickens, and prices are good now.
Arizona republican., 1917-11-17

AUCTION AUCTION AUCIlON
 Saturday, November 11th, 1917
 Live stock sale starts 1o:SO a. m.
 In the live stock department, we Will have to sell for the owners, n1ce lot of good work horses, including three large ones and ten medium size, also bunch of common farm work horses. There will be two complete outflts, good driving horses, buggies and har- ness. We will offer both light ard heavy farm wagons. and buggies. Also 1 Guernsey milk COW and l6 pigs. All goes to the highest cash bidder.