davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Meeker herald. [volume] (Meeker, Colo.) 1885-current, 1917-01-13

There is very old story extant
about woman who was noted for her
meanness. She chenpened everything,
and prices never could be put SO low
that she did not object to them.
One day she went through the mar
ket and. after chaffering for awhile,
stopped In front of market stall and
priced some cornmeal.
"a levy bushel," said the dealer.
She shifted and examined and hum
med and hawed until finally the dealer
said sarcastically:
~ tell you what I'll do. Mrs. jenkins.
I'll give you bushel Of that meal"
Mrs. Jenkins shifted and examined
again and then asked:
els it sifted?''
This is paralleled by the account of
q man who went into market to buy
small piece OF liver.
GLOW much?" he asked.
II will make you present Of that"
said the butcher pleasantly.
The man put on his most knowing
look, stepped back. rubbed his hands
together. looked. the butcher square In
the eye and said:
"Ain't that rather high washing
ton Star.
The Meeker herald. [volume] (Meeker, Colo.) 1885-current, 1917-01-13
NO EXCUSE FOR "AIN'T."
Il 10 About the Worst Contraction In
the English Language.


saint" is an improper abbreviation
Of "are not" British writer's spell It
amt" which properly indicates its
derivation. Americans make It an In
elusive offense. using 1t for IAN not"
and ''is not" as well as for ARE not :"
1t is unquestionably the worst instance
of slovenlIness In the common speech
Of today.
Yet 1t is by no means Of universal or
even common use. II will slip coca
sionally from refined lips. always with
jar to the enunciator. as well as to
the hearer. But the habitual user Of
''ain'ts" Is careless Of refinement He
may be an excellent citizen who never
heats his wife nor kicks the cat But
there Is likely to be something slipshod
about him somewhere. For "ain't' Is
needless. as well as cacophonous 1t
fills no void and supplies no need.
English observers complain supercil-
iously of the laxness Of American
speech American observers who have
listened to the marvels of Lancashire.
Yorkshire. Devonshire and other shire
dialects are inclined to resent any a.
sumption of British superiority. But
It IN none the less desirable to elimi.
nate our own linguistic sins. and Of
these "ain't" il the most depiorabie.-
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
The Meeker herald. [volume] (Meeker, Colo.) 1885-current, 1917-01-13
portuou.,. and Goldfish,

1t is an interesting fact that the fish,
ermen of northern Portugal started
and developed the fishing industry on
the banks" off the northern coast Of
America. and. though they now send
fewer ships. their taste for salt cod
from Newfoundland Is unabated-in
fact. 1t Is a nntional Portuguese dainty.
1t is found in every little grocery shop.
hard and brown as board. A number
Of Portuguese have made their homes
on the islands to the south Of the main
land Of Massachusetts. and there the
dark eyes of the Iberian maiden, raven
locks and certain picturesque element
In dress are not infrequent. This con-
nection with Portugal dates back many
years. the ships of Marthas Vineyard
bridging the distance over sea and re-
turning with Portuguese crews.-Ex-
change.
The Meeker herald. [volume] (Meeker, Colo.) 1885-current, 1917-01-13
Scotch Aes.n. Too Much For Him.

The only real blot on my visit to
Glasgow, says writer In the London
Sketch. is my total inability to speak
with Scottish accent rathcr pride
myself, as most people do. on my vocal
initiative faculties. but ! confess to all
the world here and now that cannot
initiate the Scottish accent.
MY Irish Is beautiful: 1t would make
all Dublin weep. My American Is quite
good; could nearly always get any
thing that l wanted In the shops II l
had the money. Anybody can talk
Welsh who cares to substitute ''p" for
ID" and "f' for iva"
But the Scottish accent eludes me.
Sometimes I speak little Scottish ten
tatively to the policeman or the tram
conductors or the shopkeepers. The
policemen draw their clubs, the tram
conductors stop their trans. and the
shopkeepers put up their shutters.
am not quite sure. but 1 rather think
that shall abandon the unequal strug
gle
The Meeker herald. [volume] (Meeker, Colo.) 1885-current, 1917-01-13
A SMOKE AND A TRAGEDY.
The Reason General Bate Never Again
LIGHTED Q Cigar.

ne HoASoh 0SUeFaI 0At0 NosSV SN8osH
Lighted . Cigar.
General William Il. Date OF Tonnes
see after distinguished service In be-
half Of the south was governor and
then United States senator. His BRAY
cry In battle was attested by dozen
wounds, and in a single engagement
three horses were shot from under
him.
at was a habit Of the old warrior"
said man who knew him we'll. ito
continually carry nm unlighted cigar In
his mouth. but few of those who
noticed It ever knew the reason Of his
failure to smoke the weed"
At the battle of Shiloh he and a
brother were standing side by side
when the brother asked General Bate
for light. as he had cigar. but no
match. The general lit match and
handed 1t to his kinsman. who had
scarcely. applied 1t to the tobacco ere a
cannon ball came hurtling through the
air and severed the smokers head
from his body.
The terrible tragedy Of shiloh's
bloody field was the reason why in all
the years that followed the surviving
brother was never known to light q
cigar.-Exchange.
The Meeker herald. [volume] (Meeker, Colo.) 1885-current, 1917-01-13
DOUBLED THEIR TROUBLE.
vA Josi's Nsishbers Thought Thsy
Had Made q Good Bargain.

Had Made Q 0ooo bargain
The shiftless owner Of q worthless
old horse J3el Turner. had been III tne
habit of Feeding the animal frum the
cribs of his more entc:prisinR neigh
bors until the patience Of his victims
was completely exhausted. They had
caught him in the act Of helping him
self to corn number of times. and 10
there was plenty Of evidence to con-
Wet him. but on account Of his family
and his vindictive disposition no one
wanted to prosecute him.
One day. when Joel's neighbors were
discussing the situation. some enc sug-
gested that It would be an act OF
mercy-which would. also solve their
problem-if they bought the old horse
and put 1t out Of its misery.
This suggestion the conference
adopted. They subscribed q purse OF
SO and sent committee Of one to buy
the horse.
Here the plan was threatened with
failure. The committee reported that
Joel did not want to sell.
After a few days Jesse Winfield.
who thought himself something Of
diplomat, undertook to negotiate the
sale and to his surprise found Joel not
only willing but anxious to sell the
horse.
THAT" said Jesse In congratula.
tory tone. az he handed over the SO
twas a good deal for you. You'll get
lots more good out of the $40 than you
would out Of the old horse"
That's right" assented Joel. II
know where ! can buy q team for
$1O."-Youth's Companion.
The Meeker herald. [volume] (Meeker, Colo.) 1885-current, 1917-01-13
TWO FACED JANUS.
Hs Was the Ancient Sun God a. Well
a the God Of War.

Poor cid Janus. Do you know how
shamefully posterity has mnligned
him? You have heard all your life that
January was named for tile Roman
god Janus and that Janus was the god
Of war. hence the first month or the
year must be turbulent. Or perhaps
you have gone deeper into the signif-
canoe of the first months name and
have been told that 1t was given the
honor of heraldtng that CORY god be-
cause he had two faces. one looking
into the past nnd the other looking into
the future, as the first month Of the
year naturally would do. But through
1t nil you have held rigidly before you
the fact that he was the patron. the
devotee. perhaps even the instigator Of
war.
As a matter of history. Janus was a
venerable and thoroughly established
deity before the little band Of Trojans
carried eastern culture to Italy. when
the primitive Italians had not begun to
suspect that war was an institution
which called for a goat" War needed
no justification or excuse. Men fought
because that seemed the only thing to
do. As for Janus. he was their great
est sun god. He presided over the ris-
ing and setting Of the sun. and hence
he was the god who looked after the
propitious beginnings and happy end
ings of all undertakings. He was rep
resented with two faces. which looked
to the east and the west. His temple
In Rome was closed only in time OF
peace. and as there seldom was peace
1t was usually open. Hence he was
called the god Of war.-St Louis Globe
Democrat
The Meeker herald. [volume] (Meeker, Colo.) 1885-current, 1917-01-13

Somebody said that 1t couldn't be done.
But he, with a chuckle. replied
That maybe 1t couldn't" but he would
. be one
Who wouldn't say 30 till he tried.
SO he buckled right in. with trace OF
grin
On his face. II he worried he hid It,
He started to sing rs he tackled the thing
That couldn't be done-and he did 1t.
There are thousands to tell you 1t cannot
be done:
There are thousands to prophecy fail
ure.
There are thousands to point out to you.
one by one.
The dangers that wait to assail you.
But Just buckle in with bit OF grin:
Then take on your coat and go to II.
Just start In to sing as you tackle tins
thing
That .'cann 1t be done"-and you'll do II.
Edgar A. Guest.
The Meeker herald. [volume] (Meeker, Colo.) 1885-current, 1917-01-13
TRIBUTE TO THE MULE.
With Al His Faults He 10 . More q
Less Noble Character.

With Al His Faults He 10 More q
Less Noble Character.
The mule is singularly free from the
ills to which horsefesh Is heir. He has
more days work in him in 1856 consecu-
tive days than any farm animal or
farm engine He requires less feed
when at work than any horse that can
approach his capacity. for when he is
idle he can forage successfully where
the draft horse finds the picking too
slim. He takes pot luck with any
owner cheerfully and keeps fit upon 1t.
In peace the mule is mans most
faithful servant. although the gentlest
of his kind is not entirely free from
original sin and the oldest may expert
ence unaccountable sporadic outbreaks
Of devilment.
In war the mule retains his character
as a hard toiler, a good scout and a
homely figure about whom the poets
and painters at the front do not grow
enthusiastic. Although he Is unsung
when living and not greatly honored.
he Is not unwept when at thirty or be-
yond he lies down, signs peacefully
rather than reretfuily and gives up
his Spartan spirit.
II there is hereafter for animals
the mules paradise is series Of Ely
sian fields with fences that only a good
jumper can clear, with colts to chase.
with something alive and preferably
two legged to kick and with plenty Of
rough, plain vfctuals and few goats
to play with in sportive moods and ne
gro drivers not brutal, yet not too In
dulgent. for human compannionship.-
Louisville Courier-Journal
The Meeker herald. [volume] (Meeker, Colo.) 1885-current, 1917-01-13
MOSES AND SANITATION.
Ancient Laws a. Effective a. Modern
Rules Of Hygiene.


There has been gathered n collection
Of facts to prove that the sanitary laws
Of Moses werc 1ot only on II line with
the modern rIcs OF hygiene. hut IN
some cases In advance of them.
The Jew, thousands Of years before
Christ. settling In n sem!tropical coun
try. was forbidden to eat pork or shel!
fish. and milk was designated Ms a
source OF contaglon, In the Talm'ld
a method Of Strengthening animals wa
prescribed which IL acknowledged To
day In our markets as the most SAM
tary.
Five thousand years before ~ =: = 'nv'
to the world the results OF - re
searches In bacteriology the M"sai'
law pointed out the danger tn man
from tuberculosis In cattle. but did moi
forbid infected poultry as food. 1t was
only few years ago that German spe
cialists discovered that fowl tubercu
losis was harmless TO man.
The Mosaic law also enforced the
isolation OF patients with contagious
diseases and the burial Of the dead
outside all cities. These hints the Gen
tile world did fully accept until q
century or two ago.
The wise lawgiver prescribed not
only fasting at certain periods Of the
year. but the removal Of all families
In summer out to camps. where for q
time they could live close to nature
Many Of the laws of Moses were pre-
scrlptions intended for the health OF
both mind and body.-Boston Tran
script
The Meeker herald. [volume] (Meeker, Colo.) 1885-current, 1917-01-13
Why Mosquitoes. Lik. sleed.

The fact that mosquitoes so continu-
ally harass rich bloOded creatures Is
due to the fact that they cannot lay
eggs without the albuminous food
which in thus obtained. In tropical
countries the greatest enemy Of the
malaria bearing mosquito is a species
Of bat which Is protected from the in
sect's bite by its strangely shaped
hairs.
The bat is very swift of flight, and
the mosquitoes. especially those which
have already made supper Of blood.
are their ideal food.-St. Louis Post.
DISPATCH
The Meeker herald. [volume] (Meeker, Colo.) 1885-current, 1917-01-13
USE OF FRENCH WORDS.
A Critic Scores This Habit Of Some
Writers Of English.

A Critic Scores This Habit Of Some
Writers Of English.
People who use French In English
writing are always those who don't
know French very WE'LL John L. Bal
derston writes In the Atlantic. report
ing a conversation with George Moore.
They use badinage for banter and
think there il shade Of difference or.
I suppose should say. a nuance Of
meaning. Then they write resume.
which they think more refined than
summary. and In society every woman
10 tres raffinee.
Il met an author who had written
small and petite and asked him
why he did 1t. He said petite can
mean dainty as well as small. and I
said: 1T cannot. 1t means nothing but
small. But in any case II you wanted
to soy dainty why didn't you say dain-
tyr
ain my newspaper met with an ex-
ample Of this tendency. A dispatch
read something like this: The patriotic
citizens have been asked to give up
their gold ornaments and watches to
be melted down into coin unless they
are souvenirs.' A man must be with
out any aesthetic sense whatever to
write souvenir when he might have
written keepsake. It has associations.
that word keepsake. It lives. breathes.
runs. Jumps. dies. But souvenir In
English IL . corpse"
The Meeker herald. [volume] (Meeker, Colo.) 1885-current, 1917-01-13
Royal Nicknamos.

Louis XIV. was lie Grand No
narque." His court was the model for
European princes.
Louis Philippe was the Citizen
King" at one time he was king
Smith," the name he assumed when he
escaped from France.
Mary. queen of Scots. was the
White Queen"
Mary of Modena. wife of James H..
was the Queen Of Tears
The Mine Days Queen" was Lady
Jane Grey.
Christian Ill. of Denmark was tile
Father" Of his people.
The Meeker herald. [volume] (Meeker, Colo.) 1885-current, 1917-01-13
What II That VIM.

ountlTwoman remarked 10 her
he Il nr curing conversation on
thc.G return from market. 'HOw Is II,
Mary that you have been married four
times and I've never been married at
all and I'm much handsomer than
yon!"
AYE. to be sure" returned Mary,
"tut it amt handsomeness that does
II. Sarah Its the come hither' In
your eye.
The Meeker herald. [volume] (Meeker, Colo.) 1885-current, 1917-01-13
japanese Nssdlssomsn.

The daughters Of the land Of flowers
sometimes curiously reverse European
methods. They needle their thread in
stead Of threading their needles. and
Instead of running their needle through
the cloth they hold It still and run the
cloth upon it. An English lady long
resident in Tokyo once wrote to a
friend that the impulse Of her Japanese
maids is always to sew on cuff frills
and other similar things topsy turvy
and inside out.
The Meeker herald. [volume] (Meeker, Colo.) 1885-current, 1917-01-13

A young reporter once called to inter
view Senator Quay and found him
reading. After formal greetings had
been exchanged the senator said: do
you play poker? OF course you do
once in awhile. Then you will find this
one Of the best poker stories you ever
saw" handing the newspaper man a
book. The reporter out OF politeness
read page. "Ah." said the senator,
Il see you are interested. Take the
book along and read 1t Mt your leisure.
Good evening"" And the dazed young
journalist WINS out on the sidewalk be-
tore he cUuM recover bis breath.
The Meeker herald. [volume] (Meeker, Colo.) 1885-current, 1917-01-13
Awkward.

A visitor to hospital for soldiers
was surprised to hear one Of the pa
tients being addressed by the nurses
by his Christian name. 1t being custom
airy to address patients by their sur
names only. Upon inquiry as to why
this distinction was accorded to the
particular soldier referred to the reply
received was:
"Well. we can't very well call him by
his surname"
But why not7" queried the some
what astonished visitor.
You see." was the overwhelming
answer. Ibis surname is Love. and It's
rather awkward."-London Tit Bits
The Meeker herald. [volume] (Meeker, Colo.) 1885-current, 1917-01-13

II don't think your philosophy log
ical"
why not?''
You say that every man Is sent Into
the world for a purpose-that he has
certain work to do"
"Yes: that believe"
"And then you go right on and say
that there Is no man here that the
world can't get along without."--De-
trOit Free Press.
The Meeker herald. [volume] (Meeker, Colo.) 1885-current, 1917-01-13

Lord Byron had a club foot and was
acutely conscious Of the fact to his last
day. Yet be was q fine boxer. having
taken lessons from one Of the famous
"bruisers" Of his time. He was also q
splendid dancer. and. as everybody
knows. he swan the Hellespont. the
Dardanelles. in emulation Of one Of his
Greek heroes. Leander.
The Meeker herald. [volume] (Meeker, Colo.) 1885-current, 1917-01-13
Worthy Of Admiration.

Her Ead-So you want to marry my
dau-hter? like your nerve. Suitor-
Well. sir. you ought to. I spent
whole lot of time working 1t up.-Bos-
IN Transcript.
The Meeker herald. [volume] (Meeker, Colo.) 1885-current, 1917-01-13

Now. Katie. do you know enough to
keep your mouth shut? asked the
fashionable woman Of the girl she was
about to engage.
well. ma am. know enough to all
right. but the question is. Do get
enough wages to encourage me tor
YonkeFs Statesman.
The Meeker herald. [volume] (Meeker, Colo.) 1885-current, 1917-01-13

Are these eggs fresh?" inquired the
skeptical customer testify.
"Oh. yes. SIR" replied the attentive
but inexperienced waiter reassuringly.
''They were taken out of the incubator
this very morning. "-Richmond Times.
Dispatch.
The Meeker herald. [volume] (Meeker, Colo.) 1885-current, 1917-01-13

And how is grannie. Brian?" asked
the kind friend.
"Oh. she's better replied Brian.
"The day before yesterday the doctor
said that she might get up the day aft
er tomorrow. and yesterday was to-
morrow. and today is the day after to
morrow. So she's up todayr'
Collapse Of kind friend.-Exchange.
The Meeker herald. [volume] (Meeker, Colo.) 1885-current, 1917-01-13

Italy maintains Ave government con.
servatories of music. situated at Flor.
ence. Milan. Naples. Palermo and Par
ma. The oldest and most famous Of
the italian conservatories. that Of San
ia Cecilia At Rome. tx an appanage of
the crown and subsidized by the king.
The Meeker herald. [volume] (Meeker, Colo.) 1885-current, 1917-01-13
MEXICAN REPUBLIC
It Owes Its Very Existence to the
U-ited States.
A MONROE DOCTRINE VICTORY
A. . Tins When We Had Troubles Of
Our Own We Said Hands OIL" to
the Powers Of Europe That Tried to
Raise q Monarchy In America.

Our Own We Said Hands OIL" to
the Powers Of Europe That Tried to
Raise Monarchy In America.
If It had not been for the United
Stntes there would now he no republic
OF Mexico.
Like all the twenty republics south
of us, Mexico has been under the pro-
lection of the Monroe doctrine. The
doctrine has been often questioned by
European powers. but only once has n
serious attempt been made to violate
It. This was between 1861 and 1865.
when the United States was engaged
In internecine warfare that imperiled
Its very existence. Just ms soon as our
waf broke out the wnrshIps Of Eng
land, France and Spain set sail for
Mexico and took possession Of Vera
Cruz. Secretary Seward notified the
three allied powers OF our deep concern
and anxiety for the security and well
ARE o. the Mexican republic and that
our fleet would be stationed In the gulf
of Mexico to look after our interests.
England and Spain soon withdrew,
but 1t he anne evident that Napoleon
Ill. Intended to overthrow the republic
Of Mexico MS he had the republic Of
France. A fictitious empire was forced
upon Mexi by French troops, and an
Austrian .rchduke. Macmillan. was
selected as the puppet sovereign. The
French Invasion was directed against
all tie lcv'biics of the new world. 1t
wa 7teph"s.ed In Paris that in ten
O. eve South American republic
iou d be Inverted into monarchy
u.d ne United States into dictator
mp,
r'iN llln's o. the American govern
uic 'c tied, but the voice Of the
ARC rop'e could not be silenced.
"A e 4 Of our. own war, when
WA Ia ..I%land seemed imminent,
tn tot af representatives risked a
WV van f''apcc by passing vote Of
1af ~ = hat 1T does not accord
rf of the United States
any monnrchical gov
ID upon the ruins of any
gnment In America un-
es Of any European
owe could be done Mt the
rs soon us our war was
YlsC rsl rant proposed to organ
af combined Union and
T ''rs wlo would volun-
In II, CITY Of Mexico
.r 'uFtrian emperor. He
srel Schpfield to enlist
r, -,'vi"e on the republican
20. The war department
8 n"fcld a leave Of alb
.,t. yy-t.b pormfaIn, IN %
WIN pethaisioi ~ go
~ ., t"e oniteu states
~ MN any U! Ills stan
ne "ai'teu. =" the "ean
Sneri'i"h 10 the hio
troops. wmch were
INC trohtier' "nere
ei I'M ffehch lines.
't@H lorce was not neces-
of force was sufhcient
as sent 10 inr1s TO ne
me retirement or the
reg Wfte'd OF into Mexico
on "ut. ihe secretary OF
NnNo'eon In November,
W. e tnited states still re-
gro me ciort to estabiish perma-
r""l EN- ana imperial govern
co rs dlsallowaDie ana
AS tie emperor OF toe
nnt seem disposed TO pay
~ to this MIR. seward get
tite or tine Withdrawal OF
I en h troops.
The Meeker herald. [volume] (Meeker, Colo.) 1885-current, 1917-01-13

when my husband proposed to me
the poor fellows voice stuck in his
throat"
"Then how did you know he was
proposing?"
well. you see. was afraid that
might happen. so ] had taken lessons
In lip reading. Transcript.
The Meeker herald. [volume] (Meeker, Colo.) 1885-current, 1917-01-13
RaarakA

For all we know. the gaudy butterfly
may have moments in which It regrets
the fine times 1t had as q caterpillar
Puck.
The Meeker herald. [volume] (Meeker, Colo.) 1885-current, 1917-01-13

Ethel-Jack saw your picture on my
table and said you looked so young in
1t. Marie-The hatterer! Ethel-He
thought 1t must have been taken Q
great many years sso-Boston Henh
The Meeker herald. [volume] (Meeker, Colo.) 1885-current, 1917-01-13

The selfish man suffers more from
his selfishness than he from whom that
selfishness withholds some important
benetlt.-EmersOn.
The Meeker herald. [volume] (Meeker, Colo.) 1885-current, 1917-01-13

Industry keeps the body healthy. the
mind lear. the heart whole and the
purpp fsN.-tstENsnUus.
The Meeker herald. [volume] (Meeker, Colo.) 1885-current, 1917-01-13

did she say she was going to the
drug store?"
mo"
How do you know she was Them
She said she was going out walking
for her complexion Mag
aIine.
The Meeker herald. [volume] (Meeker, Colo.) 1885-current, 1917-01-13

Wisdom is Outlines nearer when We
stOop than when We soar.-worde-
worth
The Meeker herald. [volume] (Meeker, Colo.) 1885-current, 1917-01-13

Visitor tnervousiy,-wfl that dog
eat out II your hand? Owner proud
ly,-Yes. and out Of your leg. too. II
he gets the chance.-London Answers
The Meeker herald. [volume] (Meeker, Colo.) 1885-current, 1917-01-13
Fooled.

F00t06,
The boys were SO noisy I thought
I'd get an office girl"
"Well?"
And. by gum. ] got one that could
whistler kansas City Journal.
The Meeker herald. [volume] (Meeker, Colo.) 1885-current, 1917-01-13
Brief but True.

What is the surest way to become
popular?"
Mind your own busipesa."-DetHs1f
Free Pres.
The Meeker herald. [volume] (Meeker, Colo.) 1885-current, 1917-01-13

India is fourteen times the size Of
the British tsiund1.