davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Evening public ledger. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1914-1942, 1917-04-14

and avoid the rush. Professional nirts'
need not apply. Please inclose starnpsy
The next morning" Mr.. Cobb continued
enthusiastically. II went round to the New
York Evening Sun and sen. In my card.
! saw the editor. fIf you wrote this you're
hired at SIS a week. II you're worth more
you'll get IL; " you're not worth more youll
be fired. When can you work?
Now" I said.
There's no hurry" he replied come
around in the morning"
when ] got back to my ROOM" the
humorist smiled like boy who has put
over an old trick, there were five letters
from editors asking me to call on them
among them personal letter from Arthur
Brisbane I answered them all. sympa.
thizing with them in their hardness at
having missed me. ! went on the Evening
sun"
At this moment the editor of the more
than two million weekly appeared and
rLmbled something to Americas Greatest
Reporter about luncheon engagements up
town, and the latter who's said to be just
as human around luncheon time as at an,
other, released Miss Heppelwhte. Hei
gasp: Does he think that's funny?" proved
that even great humorists have a hard tim,
pleasing everybody. As Cobb himself said
1T means sweat"
Evening public ledger. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1914-1942, 1917-04-14
YOUTH AND GIRL LEAD
TO ROBBERS ARREST
Pursue Two Highwaymen Until
Policeman Appears and
Nabs Pair

quick and nervy work on the part of "A
young man and his girl companion early
today resulted in the arrest of couple
of hold-up men who had badly beaten Oscar
Gebeldin, of 1851 North Mascher street
treasurer of "A beneficial society, and robbed
him of S15 of the soclctys funds in his own
doorway
AT the end of the annual meeting of the
SaXonia Beneic al Society. at Second and
Cumberland streets at 1 o'clock this morn
ing, Gebeldin was given the SIS for safe
keeping. He walked to his home and in
serted the key in his lock- As he did so
there was a slight scuffie on the steps be-
hind him and he was hit a crushing blow
over the head. However. he succeeded in
turning and graphing with the robbers
They were beating, kicking and robbing
him all in one motion when Charles Light
foot, of 210i Cumberland street, accom-
panied by Miss Lillian McLearn, of 3236
North Lee street. passed by on their way
home from social function At the sight
of the couple the robbers left off work on
the semiconscous Gebe.din and ran down
Mascher street.
For a few moments Lightfoot lived up
to his name and Miss McLearn was scarcely
behind him. The men thought they had
distanced the pursuit and ducked into a
saloon near Hope and Dauphin streets.
Lightfoot ran to the corner and told Po-
liceman Fortner. of the Fourth and York
streets station, about the affair. Fortner
went into the saloon and surprised the two
men. who were there.
At the Fourth and York streets police
station Magistrate Glenn held the two men
without bail for court. charged with high
way robbery. Their names are William
Smith. twenty-four years old, of 2533
North Howard street and William Ahrndt.
twenty-three years old. of 2220 North
Howard street.
Evening public ledger. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1914-1942, 1917-04-14

that as vague and remoto- possibility. |
th"rc might he subjects upon which he
was not qualified to tall, extensively, but
that humors alleged and otherwise was not
one of them.
WHAT HuMORIST MUST LEARN
AS / was saying" he went on, "the al
legged humorst-and his Gift can be either
natural or acquired-must learn two very
essential lessons if he wants his stuff To
live, or even IL he wants it to get over at
all He must learn:
First, TO take fat fact and stand il
on its head; or to take that fat fact and
make it skid on the ice of reality and
fracture its hip perhaps. He mustn't do
more than that. He mustn't kill it. It's on
the principle of the fat man. If he falls
down and hurts himself it'i funny. If he
kills himself it's tragic.
Second he mustn't put himself up on a
mountain top, and. looking down at his
audience in the valley, address them i'm this
| fashion: You are very. very funny and
| crude. but You don't know as much as |
do. I'm aboyc YOU your intellectual su-
| perior | siail prod you with my probe
and make YOU vince
| "That,' said the great reporter sis not
| humor. 1t may be known varously as
acrid wit or biting satire. but it isn't humor
\ The humorist alleged otherwise"
! the bulldog jaws shot out and the words
came authoritatievly. "is down in the ~
ley. He's the one who's looking up at =
| readers. He says to them: OF course,
| you're tunnE; OF course, you're grotesque'
but you're not nearly 70 funny or so gro
| tesque as am. I've got you there. I'm
ike YOU only more SO; thats the real rea-
son I tickle you So
| you proved that in your famous ap-
| pendicitis story | interjected boldly.
But it being nigh on to lunch time, MI
Cobb refused to stop for praise. And de-
spite the fact that he has the distinction
OF having given the kaisers tourth son
chills and Lord Kitchener chibains, Amer
icas Greatest Reporter is an exceptionally
modest man, fact 10 which all VINO saw
nm behave IKE pad schooiboy NJ sun
DAY school entertainment, whiie waiting to
speak at the ked cross meeting tne othef
Evening public ledger. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1914-1942, 1917-04-14
s14O FOR BELGIANS STOLEN
Meanest Thieves Take Girls Gift tc
Starving Children

Thieves broke into the store of the Globe
wernicke Company, at lol2 Chestnut
strekt. early today and turned the place
,onsv,turyy, but got away with only $1.40
and a reputation of boing the meanest
burglars in the profession.
THE police called the taker Of thai money
,,nsneakable for the money was plainly in
tended for the starving Belgian children.
The thieves had tried everywhere TO make
satisfactory haul, evidently leaving the
Relgian relief money TO the last The en-
velope in which had been the nickels and
ames for Belgians was left on the floor.
The thieves knew they were taking bread
out of the mouths Of babies. because they
had to tear open the envelope TO get the
money and the envelope was plainly marked
belgian Relief"
Evening public ledger. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1914-1942, 1917-04-14

TT BEING dun day aud cry Cobb
having drowned about 1000 Red Cross
rooters at the Forrest Theatre the day be-
fore with his humorous stories of the Bel
gian atrocities. the city ed. as hot on the
trail of a comic STORY" as Frank Car
barino is for German spy--and as likely
to get one--Conmanded:
That" said Mr.. Irwin :. Cobb. Ameyi-
cas- greatest reporter judiciously consider
ing the tisk before me. "is the way you
begin yo"r story. You take the public into
your confidence: then you tell them. just
what I'm going to tell you. that there aint
any more serious business on Gods earth
than this business of being funny. Most
people think an Alleged Humorist such as
myself grins. He don't. He sweats. They
used to say of me on the New York Eve
nirg World. where. in addition to the days
work, I was expected to get out full
page of alleged sparkes for the Sunday
paper that | began to be funny when I
hcgan to look sad"
Go over to the Saturday Evening Post,
where the great humorist is now smoking
| them all out and bring back a column
Evening public ledger. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1914-1942, 1917-04-14
GOVERNOR AGAIN URGES
END OF DEATH PENALTY
SAYS Eddystone Disaster Should
Not Halt Present Move
ment

HARRISBURG, April 14.-Vigorousy
reaffirming his desire to see Pennsyl-
vania abolish the death penalty, Cover.
nor Brumbaugh has declared that he
believes the House of Representatives
next Tuesday will pass the Tompkins.
Wells.Hess bill, and that he sees no good
reason why any legislator should permit
mis- attitude upon the measure to be
changed by the E1dystone disaster or
any other similar catastrophe. He said:
The movement to abolish capital
. punishment involves a fundamental
principle, which cannot reasonably be
Affected by spasmodic occurrences, no
matter how Overwhelmingly sad and
unfortunate such occurrences may be.
am quite sure that the members of
the Legislature will not permit them.
selves to be carried away in their con-
sideration of so broad and vital ques-
tion as the one embraced in the bill
to wipe out the death penalty by any
:, possible hysteria which may follow in
the wake of a catastrophe such as has
befallen Eddystone.
I still believe most firmly that the
abolition Of capital punishment in
Pennsylvania will be a long step to-
ward a greater humanity, and a more
efficient administration of law in this
commonwealth We have had the
whole matter threshed out openly for
the last four months, and | think the
general conclusion is that both of these
ends will have been attained by the
removal from the statute books of
the law that makes the people of the
State party to the taking of human
life.
The Governors statement was in an.
swer to expressions by individuals and
newspapers who are opposed. to the en-
actment of the Tompkins-Wells Hess bill
which removes the death penalty in Penn.
sylvania. There is every indica ton that
It will be passed by a majority which will
reflect the overwhelming opposition of
public opinion to the retention of cap
tai punishment
Evening public ledger. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1914-1942, 1917-04-14
WORKERS HOIST FLAGS
OVER MANY PLANTS
Employes of Disston Saw Works, Bern
stein Brothers and Others
Show Patriotism 4

,,,orioan flags were raised at cere-
noniee i'm numerous Philadelphia manufac-
turing plants today. Thousands connected
with the factories took part in the ceiepra-
tions.
uaa that at the Henry Disston Sons
saw Works, Frankford. Two thousand ein-
nIoves marched behind band as prelin-
mary to presenting the flag given by 'oo
emnloyes of the steelmakng department
r. ]. Cattell. City Statlstician' maue 'he
principal address ,,,,,,oin
Manufacturing Company took part in nag
raising at the factory Third street ana
Auepheny avenue. f. Arthur Bernstein. Jr''
and Edward H. Bernstein released the nag
furled on a pole in the grounds.
patriotic songs and addresses were fea-
,,res of a fiag-raising at the plant OF the
Harrison Safety Boiler Works, seventeenth
street and Allegheny avenue. The 25O EN-
nloves of the plant assembled In the ma
chine shop building and the flag was pulled
mn sixty feet above the street to the tune OF
america" played by a band and sung by
the onlookers. There was an aooress ny
William S. Hallowell,
Tr,o aaps were hoisted above the roof
90 tha Ueywood Brothers & Wakefield
puildinp at 244 South Fifth street. Joseph
Kenney, foreman of the plant presented the
aaps and c. s. Barlow made formal ac'
ceptance. ,.u ,,d
,,,avad at the John Gays Sons plant, Tren'
ton avenue and Ann street and large mas
was presented on behalf OF the zoo EN-,
nloyes Superintendent Charles II. Law OF
~ Factory and John ii. Gay, Of the firm
made addresses. Ar,
flag was raised at the plant OF TIM
Isaac sheppard Manufacturing Com
nanw Erie avenue above Sepviva street
CONGRESSMAN Costello was invited to be th'
principal speaker, following march aroun,
the factory, in which the empioyes 'oo'
part. lfy
Evening public ledger. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1914-1942, 1917-04-14
ARCUEOlVII|
DEADLOCK
Mayor, Twining and
nelly Appear Befot
Service Board
EXPECT QUICK ACTIN
HARRISBURG. Apsil (

tiARNtSDOn0s AptW
Favorable action by the Public 81
Commission upon the applications a
city of Philadelphia for authority ID
ceed with the construction OF the vn1
lines of the high-speed system il exr1
to follow conference today betweou&
entire commission and Mayor Smith, ~
sit Director Twining and Joseph p. a
ney. chairman of Councils Finance c.
mittee. of Philadelphia.
The conference Is being held behind clo1
doors, spectators being barred. The e11<l
commission is present
The commission has been deadlocked,
several weeks over the transit question.
a result of the delay pressure has ~
brought to bear through Governor Br111
baugh to force the service board to act &4
Senator Penrose has publicly question:
the legality Of the commissions hold-up, Q
the grounds that two of the three membc(1
who voted to refuse the desired certifcat1(
of public convenience do not have the poN1|
to vote, since their appointment has iio|
been confirmed by the Senate. f
The certificates pending are for authoriG1
| to proceed with the Broad street subwaJ
! the subway delivery loop, the Darby e)4
waited, the northwest-R -Roxborough subway
| elevated and the Thrty-fifth Ward surfaG
| line. Applications for all except the Darb!
| IL" were filed with the commission lat
| in 1916 and have been under considerable
ever since that time. ~
The delay of the commission has results
| in the hold-up of construction work totalifI
approximately s15,OO0,oO0. Bids have bee
opened for this work, which consists of th
| entire delivery loop and the Broad stree
subway from South to Stiles Streets but q
contracts can be awarded until the cod
mission acts. aN
Evening public ledger. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1914-1942, 1917-04-14
ONLY HALF QUOTA
ENLISTED IN CITY
Must Double Number of Men
Joining Colors, Off,
GERS Declare
27S ACCEPTED BY NAVY

The m,p,bsr -, u.... .,,,., ,. A.,
regular service ,,,,, . 'u..s e.i'',eu ,or tne
even 10 annroa.,, WI , ,, maVe W oe uouoieu
NAVY Denar,,,' 'no war Depar'nen, ana
NH, distri, '"eht quo'as LOT the fn'aueI-
flcers w 'o' "''s VI
n,.n-
nauelpnia has contributed 536 men to
NV resuiar service since President wilson's
,,e.''' a.ion or state OK war April ?. The
navy recruiting leads with 27S men, and
ane i army recruiting officers have accepted
zoo applicants. The Marine Corps has
Evening public ledger. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1914-1942, 1917-04-14
SALVATION ARMY IN WAR
Philadelphian Asks to Be Made Chap
lain in Proposed Ambulance Service

A Phiadelphian Captain Edward Under
wood. salvation Army worker. is one of
the first men In the country TO ask to be
made "a chaplain in the proposed Salvation
Army ambulance units. which are to be the
contribution of the Salvation Army to the
United states in the war with Germany.
The units were planned at meeting in
national headquarters at New York this
week. These units will be sent to the
various training camps and to the troops in
the field.
The ambulance units of this district will
be under the supervision of Colonel Richard
T. Holz. Of Philadelphia, commander of
the Atlantic province.
Evening public ledger. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1914-1942, 1917-04-14
CURTIS BOYS CLUB SHOW
Large Audience Enjoys Minstrel Per-
formance and Dance for Scouts

A large audience enjoyed the minstrel
show and dance given by members of the
Curtis Boys Club for the benefit of the
Curtis Boy Scout Troop last night in the
Curtis Auditorium. A rollicking sketch.
entitled What Is it," provoked much
laughter
The principals in the sketch were will
liam Lacey. Samuel Masser, Jack Hines
Samuel Hunter, William Dolan Ella Roth
well, Alice Rothwell John Barnum. Jr and
He.en Kolhoff. The musical numbers were
bright and catchy. The soloists we're ac-
companied by Miss Bessie Sheehan and
Edward Joyce.
Evening public ledger. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1914-1942, 1917-04-14

chocl< full of wit and humor. Mark Twain
stuff"
Mr.. Cobb caressed the, pessimistc fore
lock, which contributes in no small meas
ure to the pulchritudinous ensemble of his
classic countenance, and glowered abaft the
funnel of a not too mild Havana. Incl
dentally. if anybody whispers to you that
somebody's relieved the Vaterland or the
Eitel Friedrich Of it's main smokestack
have Mr.. Cobb PACED. He smokes it.
"As ] was saying" Americas Greatest
Reporter sank deeper into the upholstered
folds of the frail Heppelwhite outside
George Horace Lorimer's Office with a Teu-
tonic disregard for its sobs and groans. If
all the Sat Eve. Post contributors measured
up to Mr.. Cobb's Tudor proportions the chip
would have been rut i'm the Chippendales
long ago, and Mrs. and Miss Heppelwhite
ordered out in favor of hardy Miss Mission
and Jacob Jacobean
"As | was saying" Mr. Cobb indicated
Evening public ledger. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1914-1942, 1917-04-14
Wall Street Firm Goes Under

NEW YORK, April 14-It was announcg~
from the rostrum of the stock exchanG@
this morning that Morris & Pope were uu~
able to meet their obligations. Lewis g.
Morris Is the board member of the hrfq
which was formed on January l. 1915 The
other members of the firm are j. HathawAy
Pope and Frank b. Porter Mr.. Morris WA
admitted to membership in the exchan94
on April !. 1909. The offices of the firm ar
at so Broad street lNxx
Evening public ledger. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1914-1942, 1917-04-14
sh.d Fishermen Make Small Catches

DELAWARE CITY. Del, April H.
ehaA fishermen reported small catches
nna,srs SnaI nsid $50 hundred for the fish:
Hsrrin~ % are also being caught In small
oss sntifiss, and and reaax merxst =
! ~ essiS I 1otof I'M l9sions
Evening public ledger. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1914-1942, 1917-04-14
City News in Brief
A BUCKET OF CONCRETE falling four

stories on the head of a negro. Brown
Robinson was unable" to produce results
serious enough to keep him in the hospital
last night Robinson was passing Eleventh
and Market streets, when a careless work.
man on new building dropped the bucket.
Brown was knocked down, but walked to
the Hahnemann Hospital, then to his home
at 1880 Lombard street
Evening public ledger. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1914-1942, 1917-04-14
FOLLOWING THE DEATH yesterday in

Hahnemann Hospital of William Hornet,
312 Callowhill street, who was run down
on March "a near Fourth and-sVine streets
by bread wagon, Horace Markey, the
driver 1928 North Twenty third street, was
held without bail today by Magistrate PEN
hook at Central Court to await the Coroner's
action
Evening public ledger. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1914-1942, 1917-04-14

AUTOMOBILE Bandits. according to
!he police, held-up and shot Louis Reminta,
twenty-five years old, at Thirty-thrd street
ana Girard avenue. He was sent to the
Serman Hospital and is i'm critical con-
Sm}on. The police were unable to learn
mig address.
Evening public ledger. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1914-1942, 1917-04-14

ANY WOMAN Joining the National
League for Women Service must testify to
her belief that it were better for each and
every man to die nobly than to live ig
nobly," according to "A resolution passed by
the executive committee of the Emergency
Aid
Evening public ledger. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1914-1942, 1917-04-14
ANCIENT oRpEn Or mInERNIANs.

hNVIENT ORDFK OF TIBEKNINNN,
Board of Erin, Division No. /, held its
annual bail with 1900 guests in Mercantile
Hail. Broad and Master streets last night.
The hall was draped with American and
Irish flags. John Devlin, Jr, was the
grand conductor
Evening public ledger. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1914-1942, 1917-04-14

WHOLESALE ROBBERIES, the police
s.y' were committed by Howard France,
slas Francis, who has been arrested by the
pohce In Atlantic City. Captain Tate said
ne prisoner had admitted robbing twenty
swo houses. II found guilty he may be
sVen sentence Of twenty years.
Omaha daily bee., 1917-02-03
Coal Supply Not
Heavy, but Little
Fear Expressed

While the local coal situation is not
alarming, there is no large supply on
hand in the city. The intense cold
weather OF the last week has rapidly
exhausted the. surplus stocks and a
good many OF the dealers are making
their sales direct from the cars that
are brought in daily by trains from
the south and east,
The bins OF the dealers are practi-
cally empty of some grades OF coal
and customers are forced in many in
stances to take about anything they
can get The demand during the last
week has been enormous, dealers as
serting that the men and teams have
been worked vert:me to fill the
orders.
There is a growing shortage in
steam coal, used in the big plants.
but no famine in this grade of fuel is
anticipated if the roads operating into
the southern and Iowa and Illinois
mines are kept open. Four to six
coal trains are arrivin.; daily and the
stock coming on these IS sufficient to
supply the demand.
Omaha daily bee., 1917-02-03
MOTHERS, Do THIS
When the Children Cough, Rub
Musterole on Threats
and Chests

No telling how soon the symptoms may
develop into Group, or worse. And then's
when you're glad you have jar of Mus
terole at hand to give prompt, sure re-
lief. 1t does not blister.
As first aid and certain remedy
Musterole is excellent. Thousands of
mothers know il. You should keep a
jar in the house, ready for instant use.
1t is the remedy for adults. too. Re-
lieves sore throat, bronchitis, tonsilitis,
Group, stiff neck, asthma, neuralgia, head
ache, congestion, pleurisy, rheumatism,
lumbago, pains and aches of back or
joints, sprains, sore muscles, chilblains,
frosted feet and colds of the chest Git
often prevents pneumonia.
Omaha daily bee., 1917-02-03
have COLOR IN YOUR CHEEKS
Be Better Looking-Take
Olive Tablets

II your skin is yellow-complexion
pallid-tongue coated-appetite poor
you have a bad taste in your mouth-a
lazy, no-good feeling-you should take
Olive Tablets.
DR.. Edwards Olive Tablets sub
stitute for calomel-were prepared by
DR.. Edwards after II years of study
with his patients.
DR.. Edwards Olive Tablets are a
purely vegetable compound mixed with
olive oil. You will know them by their
olive color.
To have clear. pink skin, bright eyes,
no pimples, feeling of buoyancy like
childhood days you must get at the cause.
DR.. Edwards Olive Tablets act on the
liver and bowels like calomel-yet have
no dangerous after effects.
They start the bile and overcome con-
stipation. That's why millions of boxes
are sold annually at l0c and Csc per
box. All druggists. Take one or two
nightly and note the pleasing results.
Omaha daily bee., 1917-02-03
Says Negroes Erode Him
THROUGH Floor" Is Freed

Failure on the part of representa-
tives Of the Rome hotel to appear
against him has resulted in the dis
missal OF assault aud battery charges
against F. c. Schultz, salesman, who
lives at 405 South Sixteenth street
Schultz was arrested as the result Of
an alteration in the Rome hotel
Vineyard" In police court he said
several negro walters at the Vine
yard" we're instructed TO put him
out, but that instead they rode him
through the floor"
Omaha daily bee., 1917-02-03
Are, You Intoxi..
mn

oteo! The question IS
not as innpertinent Is it
sounds. You may be 4 real
,eeao<aler and yet Be fnaoGi
cated-that IS poisoned BY
die gases that come from
hnperect digestion The
modnetsof foodputrefaction
are taken up by the blood
arnd often poison the entire
system Cut out meats and
starciry foods for a while.
Eat Shredded Wheat with
milk or cream for breakfast
eat It with stewed fruits and
green vegetables for dinner
or'supper. 1t will cure auto
mtoxication and make anew
man Of You. All the, meat
Of the whole wheat IN a
dfgestible form. A perfect
meal at lowest cost. Made
at Niagara Falls, N. Y.
Omaha daily bee., 1917-02-03
For Skin Rotches

There is one remedy that seldom fails
to clear away all pimples, blotches and
other skin eruptions and that makes the
skin soft, clear and healthy.
Any druggist can supply you with
zemo, which generally overcomes all
skin diseases. Acne, eczema, itch, PIN
pies rashes, black heads in most cases
give way to zemo. Frequently, minor
hlemishes disappear overnight. Itching
usually stops instantly, Zemo is safe.
antiseptic liquid, clean, easy to use and
dependable. 1t costs only Csc; an extra
large bottle, $1.00. 1t will not stain, is
not greasy or sticky and is positively
safe for tender, sensitive skins.
The e. W. Rose Co, Cleveland. Q.
Omaha daily bee., 1917-02-03
Grazing Fees Will Be
Increased rs Per Cent

Washington, Feb. 2.-An increase
of Is per cent in the grazing fees On
all national forests, instead of 80 l-3
per cent, as originally contemplated,
will be made for the 1917 season, Sec
rotary Houston today announced.
Additional increases will be made
after March ! next year, when tie
real value OF the forage upon any for
est is found to be more than the
amount charged.