davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-01-31
LIKE M.LuKE SAYS

A girl would rather have lover who says lot and doesn't mean it, than have one who means a lot and doesn't say it. A highbrow announces that art con- sists of knowing what to omit. Then there never was no sch an animal as an artistic gas meter
 l Food and clothing are not the only ne- cessities of life that are getting more and more expensive. False hair and cosmetics have been added to the list. | Preachers are only human. It has to | be a mighty loud call that will get a minister to leave 5000 church for a s9Oo | one.
 l man may be an 1S-carat. S-cylin- dered hero. But he never looks the part when he is eating pigs feet. | Another fairy tale: Once upon a time there was a woman who had as much l faith in her husbands judgment when | they had been married 10 years as she | did the day she married him. 1 Of course, it is none of our business ] But we have noticed that the woman
 who is inclined to embonpoint is just as big around the equator as the woman who is simply fat.
 Many a girl passes up lot of req men in her search for the ideal man.
 When the young man who is calling or daughter gets into the hand holding stage of the disease, father often wishes that someone would equip the young man witt l a self-starter that would operate about | p. m.
 Unloaded guns and platonic friendship. are always loaded. New York man dropped dead while starting the furnace in the morning. Thi,
 should be warning to all married women.
 Our idea of an easy way to get ricl
 quick would be to sign up Septembe
 Morn and have her do tank act il
 vaudeville
 It is hard to please woman. Even i
 she could get her husband so well house
 broken that he would spend his even
 ings doing the dishes and dolling up tn.
 china closet, and his Saturday afternoon a scrubbing the woodwork, she would ge mad because the boob wasn't able to hell
 her finish the Battenberg work for he
 new piano cover.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-01-31

From the Louisville Courier-Journal.
 NRANK HARRIS. book critic, tells in
 s magazine article his experience e as a witness in the case of, Guido Bruno, arrested for selling book called 'Edna, a Girl of the Streets
 The charge laid against Bruno was in stigated by a member of the Society for the Prevention of Vice. When MT. Harris finished his direct testimony the repre- sentative of the Society for the Proven ton of Vice asked:
 Have you an ordinary mind?"
 The answer was
 Thank God, mo-
 A motion was made, on behalf of the s. P. V. that the testimony of MT. Har- ris be stricken out as incompetent.
 A Chicago paper. the Evening Post. comments upon the incident as follows:
 Probably the attitude of certain so- called moralists toward art and litera- ture has never been better or more frankly disclosed What they want to es- tablish as a standard is the judgment of the ordinary mind meaning thereby the conventional mind"
 Societies, and persons, who exist pri- marily for the prevention of something usually are abnormal. fanaticab marrow, unrea sonable, but anyone who answers fervently in the negative when asked ii he has an ordinary mind; normal mind not distinguished by superiority over the average, common, general or customary mind, lays himself open to the suspi- cion that he thinks well of himself in such a degree that he is likely to re- gard with great contempt persons whc do not share his views.
 l The great obstacle to the promotion ol the moral and intellectual progress of | the world, as result of the co-opera- l ton of those who set up morality first and art second, and those who set up art \ first and look with contempt upon what l their opponents call morality, is that there is so much cock-sureness on eacf | side
 l in jail because the other man sells 2 book which he cannot approve may
 be fit only for treason, stratagem, spoil' or a place in Congress where they make dalliance a felony, drink high crime and the business of printing advertise ments an evil to be coped with by abolish
 ing the freedom of the press. The S. P lv. representative may be another Mat Anthony Comstock, or an equally mat Representative Mann, but trust not thu superior person who thanks God publicl,
 and in impassoned tones that he has nt
 ordinary mind. One so confident of hi
 superiority cannot escape narrow mind
 edness. He can but feel that anyone
The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-01-31
AN ORDINARY MIND

i who hasn't his point of view hasn't
 brains. He is likely to be as unreason-
 able as the most fanatical among those
 who dedicate themselves to the suppress
 sion of vice by means of suppressing
 everyone and everything they believe to
 be vicious.
 Those who thank God, aloud or in their hearts, that they haven't ordinary minds, delight to call the ordinary minded Philistines. The term is the most blighting epithet in the vocabulary of in vective boasted by the consciously su perior
 Matthew Arnold called the entire mid dle class in England Philistines, and George Bernard Shaw has delighted to initiate him in that respect, as have so many smart writers of the present time that we hear an acho in the form of con- temptuous references to middle class
 morality in America. where we have no middle class
 | Is the Matthew Arnold term so eagerly adopted in America by those who thank God that they are not ordinary minded. | any more convincing as an indictment of narrow mindedness than Leslie Steph- i ems assertion that the use of the word l "Philistine' is the very note of Phiis- tinism because it is "a term of contempt
 applied by prigs to the rest of their spe- cies ?''
 | Should we-the species-pe governed, in | the matter of morals or manners by ! 2OOQ i fashioned comfortable and democratic principle of majority rule, or should we l accept as guide the prig who. as brazenly as the Pharisee, thanks God
 that he is not like one of us ordinary 1 folk?
The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-01-31
pOSSUMl DICK

possum, up in de tree, he see de light. an he study it, an his eyes dey shines it back. So den, if An don tackally want t ketch him live, An shoots him wifi dat op gun O mine. If it's possum up de tree, he give you bofe eyes, but if it's coon he mos gen'ally shet one eye an put his paw oveh it. like he was hidin' f'om you. Den. if you makes fuss-sohteh like you was 'nothah coon down deah--he open dat eye what he shet. Dey has deh diff'unt ways, de vahmints."
 And you know their ways, don't you, Uncle Dick?' You feel that it is the voice of the woods and stubble fields that speaks through this old ne- gro who has lived always so near the earth that he has come to be part of it.
 "Ah's been huntin' now foh mon 4O yeahs,'s he replies modestly. And oughten to know some O de vahmints up to now An mus O katched thou sans O possum and coon. An spose dem vahmints thinks Ahm ditch dem same as devils afteh folks"
 You ask if the devil gives Possum Dick much trouble
 "Oh, he come shassayin' 'roun' now n agin," he returns, "but when An heahs him An says: "Deh he is! Da's him tryin temp me t do wrong An An always did try t live right-dat is, evvah sence An join de clutch. De young folks. dey don cay dehselves lak us Ol' ones."
The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-01-31

Julian Street, in Golfers Weekly.
 @ R, again, take Possum Dick, the
 hunter, who lives in the neigh borhood of Clinton, s. c. Of Possum Dicks achievements in other lines l know nothing, but that he is wise in the lore of men and animals I know. for I have hunted with him.
 How old he is I cannot say, but he lis bent and leathery and scanned, and as he shuffes along, with his old staff in one hand the other-a vast strange, horny hand it is-hangs almost to his knee. His ragged, faded coat is pinned with safety pins, and his trousers are mended with twigs; his little beard is gray and woody, his eyes are large, sad, thoughtful, and sometimes there comes into them, when he is amused, the flicker of smile-but that is all.
 How do you find your way when it's dark like this?" you ask as you plod behind Dicks swinging lantern.
 "On night lak dis," he answers "Ah hunts by de stahs. An jes' take me an objic' foh a stah, an set me dat stah fo' t guide me on ma coo'se. When de stahs ain't out den An hunts by de wind. An has tooch, an An holds it up-so-an' de smoke, dat tell me winch Ah'm agon' De too'ch, da's good too, fo t shine de possums eye"
 Shine his eye? How do you mean?' "Ah hol's my light down behin' me so-an' An looks up in de tree, an
The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-01-31
A CHILD's LAUGH

The laugh of a child will make the holiest day more sacred still. Strike with the hand of fire. o weird musician, thy harp strung with Apollo's golden hair; fill the vast cathedral aisles with symphonies sweet and dim, delft boucher of the organ keys; blow. bugler, blow, until the silver notes do touch and kiss the moonlit waves and charm the lovers wandering mid the vineclad hills. But know your sweetest strains are discords all compared with childhoods happy laugh-the laugh that fills the eyes with light and every heart with joy. o rip bling river of laughter, thou are the blessed boundary line between beasts and men, and every wayward wave of thine doth drown some fretful fiend of care. 0 laughter. rose-lipped laughter of joy, there are dimples enough in thy cheeks to catch and hold and glorify all the tears of grief.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-01-31
THE DIFFERENCE

prohibition is making rapid strides. but I notice that the good old custom of christening ship with champagne still survives" remarked the local optionist.
 "True, my brother" answered the re- former, but when bottle of champagne is broken on the hull of ship, that's the end of the matter. When man opens bottle of champagne it is often the forerunner of a, great many more"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-01-31

presidential postmasters, but he will doubtless have it ready for the Sixty fifth Congress. And with President Wilson's backing it will be almost sure to pass. The change should have been made long ago.
 There are about 10000 presidential postmasters. No matter how much the Postmaster General may try to re- lieve the President, great deal of the latter's time is wasted in consid- ering the names and claims of appli- cants.
 The reform cannot come too soon.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-01-31
Founding the Athletic Club

"Increased interest has of late been manifest in the activities of the Bir- mingham Athletic club" remark ed pr. w. P. Wilson, land the entertain : ments offered it's membership this sea- son have been quite successful.
 We have a splendid establishment and it is justly popular. However, in this connection, let me observe that probably few of the young men of the club realize the struggles necessary to establish such a large institution. Some 20 years ago our headquarters were on Morris avenue. It was then that some 50 of the fellows got to- gether and decided to plan for the fu- ture. We bought the lot on which the present building has been erected for s6O00, each of us putting up $1O0.
 Tt was about two years after this, I believe, that the new building was erected, and the lot was then valued at 40,000-quite a startling increase in realty values without doubt. When the lot was turned over to the club, each of the 60 contributors was complimented with a life membership The atheletic club is on a firm and substantial basis and with good man agement will endure indefinitely"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-01-31
GETTING MoNoToNoUs

Hold on minute. You'll never be able to sell me anything by pounding on my desk"
 T was merely trying to drive my ar- guments home, sir"
 wei, just for the sake of variety. and while remove my ink well from the danger zone, make few passes in the air." PAUL COOK.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-01-31
Versatile Daredevil

Gardiner, the human fly, is a rather versatile daredevil. In addition he is some business man, for it is estimated that he has an income of about $50,000 year
 Gardiner and I have been together for about four years" said Barney Bergen, who is his manager. 'We operate on a rather neat basis. l am an aviator and do -the-loops in my Wright machine. When I fly, he is my manager, and when he climbs, I ar, his manager.
 we have been together for four years and during that time I suppose he has climber skyscrapers in nearly every large city in the United States. The feats are always performed under the auspices of newspapers. On ac- count of the hot sun; the recent rain and an accumulation of grease caused by the smoke on the Empire building, ir was one of the most difficult to ascend that Gardiner has ever climbed
 When appraised of the action of the city in refusing to permit a second climb, MT. Bergen said that it was the first time any city had ever taken such action.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-01-31
GOOD NIGHT

By Thomas Bailey Aldrich. Good night; I have to say good night To such host of peerless things; Good night unto that fragile hand, All queenly with its weight of rings; Good night to fond, uplifted eyes, Good night unto the perfect mouth, And all the sweetness nestled there The snowy hand detains me. then I'll have to say good night again. But there will come time, my love- When, if I read our stars alright, I shall not finger by this porch With my adieus. Till then. good night! You wish the time were now? And I. You do not blush to wish it so? You would have blushed yourself to
 death
 To own so much year ago.
 What both these snowy hands? An,
 then,
 I'll have to say good night again.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-01-31
BRIEF INTERVAL

T met Jagsby just now He told me he was off liquor for life.'"
 "He meant the life of housefly"
 And how long is that?'
 "A few weeks"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-01-31
Great Victory for
 The Public Schools

J ne G WOglG SGG0OOIS
 T was the expected that happened 0 The people of Jefferson county voted yesterday on the 3-mill tax for the public schools and splendid vic tory was the result. Had the ma jority been against the tax levy the best citizens of this industrial cen ter would have hung their heads in shame
 But nobody had any reason to think that the result would have been other than it was. Nevertheless, the vic- tory is we'll worth celebrating. It shows that the people can be trusted to do the right thing. In every com munity some ill-disposed persons will be found-persons who will vote against the best interests of the city, county or state But fortunately they are in the minority here.
 The defeat of the 3-mill tax would have been blow to Birmingham and Jefferson that could not have been ex- aggerated. But turning out as the election did, this entire community will feel sense of elation that will have far-reaching effect in all de- partments of human endeavor.
 Jefferson county will have nine month schools instead of seven months, as at present, or five or six month schools, if the tax levy had been rejected. We will have sanitary schoolhouses and more schoolhouses. And one of the most important re- suits of the election is that the schools in Birmingham will be absolutely free once more. There will be no more fees.
 Yesterday was a red letter day for Jefferson county. The people not only made it clear that they are standing up for popular education, but that they can always be counted upon to vote right when school issue is pending.
 Geneva county led off Monday by voting a 3-mill school tax levy and several other counties are losing no time in getting in line. It is safe to predict that before the beginning of the next school year more than half the counties in Alabama will vote the special school tax.
 The day will soon come when there will be a school building at every crossroads. And then illiteracy in Alabama will reach the vanishing point.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-01-31
MIGHT CALL A TAXI

From the St. LOUIS HepupIc'
 It has been decided in Boston that nc person showing the slightest sign of irs- toxication shall be permitted to ride on street car. That leaves bibulous Bos- ton men nothing to do but stay downtown
 until they get 2 ride in patrol wagon
The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-01-31
ADRIFT WITH THE TIMES
DON'T SAVE ANYTHING

q have no patience with some people who are always complaining about the high cost of living"
 'No?"
 When a staple article of food goes down 5 cents pound, all it means to them is another nickel for the movies"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-01-31
Armies of Europe
 Waitirag For Spring

If T is not expected that there will be O any radical change in the war situation until spring, when the allies will make another mighty attempt to win decisive victory over the cen tral powers.
 Germany is anxious for peace, ap- parently because she feels herself vic- torious, but perhaps because she is feeling the pinch of hunger and dis trusts the temper of the German peo-
 ple-their willingness to make further
 sacrifices
 The allies are flatly opposed to
 peace unless they can dictate terms
 and they want so much Germany is
 unwilling to concede that the hope o1
 an early conference has been aban. i doned.
 The present inaction along practi. cally all fronts, due to the severe win. ter weather, will be followed in the spring by great offensive, whicE nearly everyone now believes will mark the closing chapter of the war
The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-01-31
Council is Popular

"The increased attendance at every meeting of Sam Thompson council of
 the York Rite of Freemansonry is a sure indication of the growing popu-
 larity of this branch of the order" said Bob Howard. At one time there was a seeming tendency on the part of th< fraternity to neglect this body in the
 advancement to the higher degrees and
 also in attending the meetings. This is
 not the case at the present time, how
 ever, and the meetings of the council degree of interest The impressiveness of the several degrees and the sublim-
 ity of the ceremonials are particularly
 inspiring and take high rank in the
 York Rite degrees"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-01-31
Feature of Ballet Russe

If there was no other feature of distinction in the Ballet Russo which will appear here at the Jefferson on would be sufficient. The work of the dancers is simply beautiful and when saw it I considered Cleopatra the most artistic of the numbers shown also L'Apres Midi Dune Faun' was wonderfully given. The groupings and decorations are marvels of taste and artistry and the ensemble is exquisite. The orchestra plays an intermezzo of Bubussy's, The Clouds which is per- fectly beautiful and altogether the or ganization is one of the most wonder ful have ever witnessed"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-01-31
JOYS OF SPEEDING

The careful driver of a car
 May think he's missing lots of fun, And while he travels just as far
 AS they who reckless courses run, His motoring doth lack the thrill
 That many bold autoists know, Who debonairly maim and kill
 And terror spread where'er they go.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-01-31
HOTEL LOBBIEs
Age-HeraId Advertising

Tn Tuesday mornings Age Herald appeared classified ad, stating the G. B. McVay Son Seed company, 2125 Second avenue, would have thousands of cabbage plants for sale" said G. B. McVay, Jr "A few hours after we opened our doors for business we were sold out. and could have sold 100000 more if we had them.
 "All our advertising in The Age Herald has certainly paid us we'll both locally and mail orders, and we ap- preciate the new friends we are mak- ing. Our new business is in full swing and the demand for catalogs is great"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-01-31
Walters Who Dime
And Distribute Tips

-
 A NEW YORK hotel keeper says EA the habit of tipping is so uni versal that even walters who give a dinner tip the servants who wait on them. Of course they do, and it is doubtful if any munitions millionaire in the land bestows his bounty with more composure.
 The tipping habit has already be- come such curse to this country that the man of ordinary means who pat ronizes hotels and restaurants and in his travels about the country cannot emulate the example of persons who give $5 bills where he can only. afford quarter or half dollar at best, is continually subjected to the insolence of menials.
 i Let one newly rich millionaire with reputation for spending put up at hotel that does not entertain peo- pie of his stripe, and plenty of them every day in the week, and in an in
The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-01-31
P0sGnnaseers and
The Civil Service

ID RESIDENT WILSON will prob A ably do what some predecessor should have done, but what no one took interest enough in to put on his legislative programme-have all the presidential postmasters as well as the forth-class postmasters placed in the civil service category. The Presi- dent has once or twice alluded to the matter and publicly expressed the wish that these officials be taken out of politics and placed on the competi- tive nonpartisan list, just as the asl sistant postmasters are today.
 Only yesterday the President gave out statement in which he indorsed Senator Poindexter's proposition to change the law so that the appoint ment of all high-class postmasters may be made without their being sub feet to confirmation by the Senate
 The President possesses the right to extend the operation of the civil serv- ice rules so as to include all offices not to be considered by the Senate. An executive order is all that is neces- eary.
 There are about 50,000 fourth-class postmasters. In other days they all came under the head of political plums, but now they belong mostly to the merit system and are selected from the nonpartisan classified list. President Roosevelt added thousands to the nonpartisan class and Presi- dent Taft extended the list so as to leave almost none outside of it.
 Senator Poindexter has not intro Auced his bill for doing away with
The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-01-31
FILLING A WANT

"Do you know that fortunes are made by selling soft drinks at baseball parlksT'
 I'm not surprised The fans appre- ciate and encourage business like that. For a nominal sum they not only get a refreshing drink, but the empty bottle serves as an ideal missile to thow at the umpire'
The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-01-31
NOT so STRANGE

Tt is said that certain motion picture comedian of this country is better known in China than President Wilson"
 Well, there's a reason. The average Chinaman unlike the average republican in the United States, doesn't see any, thing particularly humorous or conn ical in President Wilson's public acts, tics of the motion picture comedian"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-01-31

BEGINNING THE DAY-Let me walk in the light of the Lord. May | love His light because it shows me my way and cIeanses my heart. May I rejoice in His light like birds that sing at the dawn or children who play in the sun. In the name or Christ. Amen.-H. M. E.