davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-11-02
LUKE M,LUKE SAYS

Maybe moro of our prayers would be answered if we would ask for what we need most instead of asking for what We want most
 We doubt that St. Peter will hand a very cordial welcome to the long-faced kill-joy whose sense of duty'' keeps him busy trying to make others miserable. The proudest moment in boys life is when something happens in his throat and he discovers that he can sing bass. A man can never hope to attract as much attention by wearing a high hat as a woman can by wearing 2 high skirt.
 ] Do not get the idea into your conf that putting on airs will give you a ! breezy personality.
 | Any con man can tell you that the l biggest sucker on earth is the man who thinks he knows it all. | It Is strange how a pretty trained nurse can make sick man feel better when his wife can't.
 ! Our idea of being in hot water is to
 have a jealous wife and have habit of talking in your sleep l Another reason for the high cost oi living is that whole lot of us spend today what we hope to earn tomorrow Every small boy believes that he is being deprived of his liberties. And when he grows up he never gets the idea out of his head
 What has become of the old-f fashioned girl who used to faint?
 | When a man is telling stories to a flock of women, and all of the womeT
 but one are giggling with laughter. the I one who doesn't see anything to giggie about is the mans wife.
 We learn from the style sharks tha'
 hand-painted negligee garments are ts
 be worn by the girls rh4s wln.el. ". suppose that when she gets through
 painting her face she will have enough
 paint on her fingers to touch up hel underwear.
 We also learn that the empire gown f. back in style. This is the dress in whici the waistline hits girl just under tn, jarmpits This is all very fine for slim princess, but corn fed will hay, to have her waistline further down ol choke to death
 Some men want the benefit of tn,
 doubt when there isn't any.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-11-02

When you are worrying about not bein; able to get enough coal to feed youi furnace. just remember to what dirt straits coal shortage has brought Italy There's country where a good warn fire Is a rarity.
 These are the days when an idle rumol grows by leaps and bounds and by the time it reaches tho third person is sen sational enough for scareheads in the newspapers. | Villa bandits blew up six freight cars loaded with automobiles "Pancho'' never wastes any time dickering with an automobile salesman when he wants a new car. Seven thousand cases of imported liauor were destroyed in the recent fire on Baltimore's water front Dollars to doughnuts it was some of that precious Scotch. < < #
 Does anybody recall pr. Dumba ?,' asks the New York Herald. Oh, yes. There are certain agents of the depart ment of justice who recall him quite well.
 The German government thought it would be able to do a great deal in Bra gil. Yet. here Is Brazil lined up with the enlightened nations fighting the Kali ser.
 Tho woman who gained fame by being elected from the White House during the Roosevelt administration Is dead. There are all kinds of ways to win fame.
 q ~
 The Wisconsin Anti-Saloon league wants "beerless" day each week. Him. mel! Every day is a peerless day in these arid parts.
 There's a homely expression, Rearing to go." which applies to the American troops in France who want to get at the Boche-
 The Teutons are now less than 50 miles from Venice, but they didn't get to Paris and they are not going to reach Venice.
 < '
 It begins to look as If nothing will pre- vent Won Mackensen from getting an- other decoration from the Kaiser.
 k *
 President Wilson welcomes Brazirs en- try into the war against Germany. There is always room for one more.
 S $ H
 We take it that no news from Russia these days means that the situation is no worse.
 H '
 Stuff pickets who spoke in Birmingham found this town about as warm as an Iceberg.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-11-02

side of New York does the community
 committee provide concert orchestra capable of playing the best class of music. But the Philharmonic orchestra heard in Birmingham every Sunday
 afternoon would be distinct credit to some of the larger and more preten- tious centers. The money now being rasied is to finance this orchestra, and every dollar contributed will be ex- pended to good advantage.
 Another organization that needs the support of music lovers and public spirited citizens, is the Music Study club. It has been the mainstay of Bir- mingham musically, and this city's steady advancement in tonal art is due to the wide vision and energetic man. agement of the ladies who have planned the concert courses. The club has already presented one famous artist in recital this season and it has announced three other affairs of foremost rank. In order for the club to carry out it's scheme of giving the best at nominal prices, 1000 contribut- ing members at $3 are needed. The roll lacks 25O members of being up to normal.
 The Civic association would be do- ing gracious thing if it would assist the women of the club to obtain the required membership.
 Birmingham has some large cam paigns just ahead, but the cause of music, modest in it's financial de- mands, must not suffer. And let no one lose sight of the fact that such as the Music Study club and the Philharmonic orchestra are among our most vital civic assets.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-11-02
National Capital
 Saloonless at Last

'MEsTERDAY was Washingt o n ll citys first "dry" day; or more correctly speaking, first saloonless day. The prohibition bill enacted by Congress allows persons to have liquor shipped to them for personal use; and as Baltimore, one of the wettest towns in the United States, is only 40 miles distant, the bibulously inclined will be well supplied, and that, too, on short notice.
 But Washington was noted for the large number of it's saloons. Pennsyl- vania avenue was crowded with them; and the closing of these familiar drink ing houses will make the nations cap- ltal look like different place.
 Regular consumers have laid in a goodly supply of their favorite tipple, no doubt, and it will be some days be- fore there is any rush for Baltimore stuff. Visitors to Washington will be most embarrassed by the prohibition regime. If they expect to find blind tigers plentiful, they will be disap- pointed.
 Washington has long had strict police regulations. When saloons were licensed law violations were seldom heard of On Sundays they were tight ly closed. And the drinking popula- tion having been brought up on rules and regulations" there will be little effort to violate the law, especially as they can buy legally all they want in Baltimore and bring it by train or jit- ney to the capital The closed saloon Is the only thing that will make Wash ington look strange.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-11-02
Notable Meetings of
 Metllodists in 1918

NNH HOSE members of the North Ala
 ll bama conference of the Method ist Episcopal church, south, who are elected delegates to the cuadrennial general conference to meet in Atlanta in the spring of next year, will have the privilege of participating in pro ceedings of more than ordinary in- terest. The northern Methodist gen. eral conference will meet by prear- rangment in Atlanta at the same time, with a view of carrying into effect or ganic union of these two great bodies. Tentative plans for merging have been under consideration for several years past. and if all goes well the finishing 1 touches will be applied in 1918.
 With the north and south churches reunited, the last of the issues that di- l NIuSu tu0 tWo SSNtiOho VIII nave passed into history. The Methodists split in the forties on the slavery question; directly on the Bishop An drews episode. After the separation much bitterness was manifested on both sides, both during the Civil war and for several years afterward But with the closing of the bloody chasm as a political institution, fraternal spirit began to dominate the Method l ists on both sides of the Mason and l Dixon line. In feeling they are prac tically one now, and the time has seemed ripe for organic union for the last two or three quadrenniums. The
 Atlanta meeting will close with great love feast.
 Tire fact that there is no legal restric- tion against bringing liquor into Wash ington for personal use will lead to 8
 number of private quart parties
The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-11-02
PROFITEERING IN THE CIVIL WAN From the New York World

TOIA lI6 1N0W 1OTh " OIIQ.
 Consumers oppressed by the high cos
 of living may extract what satisfac-
 ton they can from the discovery that i
 was far higher in the civil war. Accord Ing to an invoice which has recently been un earthed of goods sold by a firm of wholesale grocers of Keokuk, la. il
 June 1862, sugar was $5S barrel ane
 rice $3S, while tea sold at $101 for a 3
 pound chest. Coffee was four times th'
 present price. and the same bill of gro ceries which then brought s64414 could bI
 purchased today for s291.Gl.
 These figures, of course, do not rel
 duce the present price of beersteak o| butter. but they may serve to take thl sting out of some of the exactions oI contemporary ''profiteers.' 1t Is some| thing to know athat conditions might b| a whole lot worse, and certainly eveI sugar refiners would hesitate to chargl $5S a barrel. In fact. we may feel asI tonishment at the moderation of tn present generation of dealers and a. coi responding admiration for the bolde| methods of profiteering in the civil wal The dealers at that time had hardly third as many consumers to loot as then are today; they had no storage facilitieN no organization, but, on the other hand no federal interference in price fixin& They charged what they pleased. anS their pleasure in the matter of extot tionate prices was something to mali their successors mouths water. The invoice is of value in throwirk light on one phase of existence In u good old days" Perhaps, after all. VI are better off in the degenerate tim when prices are merely doubled and nj elevated to the limit.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-11-02
Men of Every Race
 Will Fight for America

55HE smelting pot" has done its
 Jl work well. There are men now wearing the American army and navy uniform from practically every coun- try on the globe, including Germany. More than four hundred enlisted men in the national army at Camp Travis, Texas, can neither read, write nor speak the English language.
 Perhaps the most interesting of the alien soldiers ready to fight for Uncle Sam are the Chinese. They may look a bit strange in khaki to western eyes, but no one can question the sincerity of their motives. China is already helping the allies to solve their labor problems in Europe, and if the time ever comes when they are needed, both China and Japan win send troops to the DaCCle1ielQS.
 The American Indian, forgetting the fact that he has not always been treated In spirit of fairness by the American government, which, how ever, has ceased to make mistakes of that kind, is showing commendable spirit of patriotism. Indians have en- listed in large numbers in the army and 1t goes without saying that they will give the Boche bad half hour, if they ever come in contact with him.
 No other country has so cosmopoli- tan a population as America, and the fact that there are thousands of men of alien birth i'll our army is a fine tribute to American traditions and American ideals, which inspire loyalty in foreign-born citizens, even at the cost of bearing arms against men of their own nationality.
 The hyphenated American is a thing of the past. Alarmists made him appear more formidable than he was. America is indeed the worlds melting pot and from it issue stalwart men who will shed their blood for the Stars and Stripes.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-11-02
Old But Good

J. E. Aird, prominent Birmingham att utterances of Private John Allen of Mis- sissippi. who died g. few days ago, told
 this story, which has travelled from coast
 to coast, but has never failed in get
 ting an audience wherever 1t has been
 told. The story, as told by Mir Aird, fol-
 lows:
 "The first time MT. Allen ran for Con-
 gress his opponent was tho Confederate
 general, Tucker, who had served with
 distinction for three terms in Congress. They met on the stump and General Tucker closed ono of his speeches as fellow citizens. after hard fought bat tie on wonder hill, I bivouacked under wonder clump of treeA Those of you who remember, as I do, tho times that tried
 mems souls will not, I hope forget the humble servant when the primary shall be held.'
 "This was a strong appeal, but John raised the general at his own game in the following manner: My fellow citi- 1 zens, what General Tucker says to you about the engagement r years ago on wonder hill is true. What General Tucker says to you about his having bivouacked In yon clump of trees on that night is true. It Is also true, my follow citizens that was vidette picket and stood guard over him while he slept Now then, fellow citizens, all Of you who were generals. and had privates to stand I guard over you while you slept, vote fol General Tucker, and all of you who were
 privates and stood guard over the gen. eral while they slept, vote for Private 1 John Allen.'
The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-11-02
MERELY A LISTENER.

''You tell me you have never conversed with Jabberly?"
 ''Yes."
 "But you belong to the same club and have seen you together number of times"
 NO doubt Jabberiy talks to me Q great deal but wouldn't call the fre- quent repetition of such words as indeed Quite so.' Yes, and No carrying on conversation"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-11-02
sUNDOwN

From the Chicago Tribune.
 (When the wounded in hospital como die, says British officer. their Il request, in the great number of cas is for the prayer, 'Now lay me do to sleepy
 When my sun of life Is low.
 When the dewy shadows creep, Say for me before l go.
 Now lay me down to sleep" I am at the journeys end,
 I have sown and I must reap; There are no more ways to mend
 Now I lay me down to sleep.' Nothing more to doubt or dare,
 Nothing more to give or keep; Say for me the children's prayer,
 Now I lay me down to sleep Who has learned along tho way
 Primrose path or stony steep More of wisdom than to say,
 Now I lay mo down to sleepg" What have you more wise to tell
 When the shadows round me creep All is over, all is well,
 Now I lay me down tn slaen"f
The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-11-02
TOLD BY "pRIvAE,, JOHN ALLEN

One night after being out with the boys e1ectioneering, I got back home later than was my custom, and as my good wife had upbraided mo few times on this delicate subject I concluded to slip in bed without awakening her, if possible.
 I got in bed and settled down as softly as possible and was feeling secure. when she put her hand over and touched me on the head and patted mo and said: Poor Towser. be quiet your master will be home soon" (She had & little house dog named Towser that always slept on her bed when I was not at home, and sometimes he got up on the pillow with her).
 Well, sir, when I saw she rnistook my head for poor Towser, I had just pres ence of mind enough to lick her hand.
 My colored boy, Sam, was arrested Tor striking another darkey, and the court asked Sam If he was guilty or not guilty. Sam replied:
 Well, your honor, I hit him, but l WOuId uhc Iu tcll tLlc CUuIt HOW IL was.
 "Go ahead.' said the court.
 Judge. did you ever play seven-upY'
 Never mind, sir," said the judge. Just tell how it was'
 well, 1t were this way: Me and him were 8 playing a game of seven-up for a quarter game. He won all my money but one quarter. It were my deal He begged. I were six and he were two. had the trey and ten and jack of spades. which were trump. l gave him one and that made him three. Then he flung his ace and I put my trey on it. Then he flung his king and put my ten on it. Then he flung his queen and had to put my jack on 1t, and then he flung the deuce and ] hit him.
 You are discharged, said the judge.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-11-02
CERTAINLY NOT.

Mrs. Dubwaite came home from g shopping expedition yesterday quite ex- hausted."
 Did she try to carry all her bundles?'
 "oh. yes, but they consisted merely or a spooi of silk and package of hair pins. You can't estimate the wear and tear of a shopping expedition by the number of purchases made
The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-11-02
AN APOLOGY

Are you a regular burglar-one of them RafrleesesT' asked the self-made million aire who had surprised an intruder in his mansion.
 ''I presume that may so designate my self," replied the midnight visitor. "I have followed this profession ever since left college. While 1t Is true I'm wearing business suit at thls hour. you will tfrust, pardon the social solecism am committing. My rooms arc watched and was unable to put on my evening colthes"
 FATAL DEFECT.
 'Tf you won't publish my poem, you might at least tell me why" said the would-be contributor.
 My dear madam replied the busy editor. there are so many reasons why I can't publish this poem that I haven't time to enumerate them all, but the fact that you tried to be serious and suc- ceeded in being humorous is sufficient"
 HARD TO PLEASE. The waywardness of humankind Reformers oft lament: No matter where they go, they find Some cause for discontent.
 NOT MOTOR MAD.
 '"The Chinese seem to have done nearly everything before anybody else thought of doing it."
 There is at least one exception" ''Yes?''
 "Tha ayerage Chinaman has not yet
The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-11-02
MISSOURI JUSTICE
rom the Sugar City Gazette.

 Down in Paris county, Missouri. one night recently, an officer caught young man kissing his sweetheart and arrested in tho case next morning he discharged the young man and said: ''Go back and start in where you left off. There's an- other one coming to you when the officer butted in. go and get 1t, and take With you the humble apologies of the state Of Missouri"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-11-02
re toTys

BEGINNING THE DAY--My Fath- CT, help ma this day to think not on The little things that separate me from other men, but on the mtghty things that bind us together. May reach out not to grapple with an enemy but to touch a brother. May guard the door of my Fathers house, not to keep men from enter ing. but to keep them from going out. In Christ's name. Amen.-H. M. E.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-11-02
A PAMPERED PERSON.

A FAMPEFtED PERSUN. You say your cook has been with you a number of years?" Seven. think" What inducements did you offer to keep her with you so long?" we have always tried to treat her as if she were a rich relative who was spending a few days with us while en route to one of the fashionable health resorts"
 PAUL COOK.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-11-02
INCONSISTENT

The dame who to
 The movies goes And wipes her eyes
 And blows her nose Der sorrows shown
 Upon the screen, At home is oft Sharped-tongued and mean, And should a tramp
 For bread apply, Would loose the dog
 And bid him fly.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-11-02
BITTER DISAPPOINTMENT.

Teuton airman shed tear
 His comrades asked him why. He said: ''I dropped bomb last night While sailing through the sky. great hospital lay below,
 The Red Cross plainly showed l seem to have no luck at all,
 The bomb failed to explode"N
The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-11-02
ADRIFT WITH THE TIMES

reached the point where he can't live without a flivver."
The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-11-02
Halloween Franks in old Days
Tries Diplomacy With Boys

'I got wise to a crowd of young boys who were putting a porch swing into my automobile on Wednesday night" said F. B. Van Kuren. the well known me- chanical and industrial engineer, and so I thought 1 would try diplomacy on them.
 Catching, them red-handed. I said: Boys don't you think it would be lot more fun to put the swing on one of my neighbor's porches and jump in and let me take you all joy riding
 They made 1t unanimous by taking out the swing and filling up my car. l counted IS on the inside and the outside. I don't know how many were on the backside."
The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-11-02
Stirred by Young Mans Death

'I do not know when Birmingham has been so stirred by the death of a young man as 1t was by the news of the tragic passing away of Berney Loveman," said Lige Chanler 'He was a likable young fellow and had many friends whose hearts go out in sympathy to his dear mother. fond brother. and loving sisters.
 Everywhere go hear men and wom- en speaking in sad tones of the tragedy which plotted out the life of promising Birmingham boy and brought sorrow to his family and friends"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-11-02
womnn Manages Barber Shop

t Omun, MandkGS oaTbCT SAUP
 ''The exigencies of war are fast caus- ing women to enter the business world, and they are taking positions and under taking activities that were formerly sup posed to be the peculiar perogative of man, and now we have a woman manager of a barber shop said John Anderson, one of the right-hand men of Louis Pizitz
 "On October 1. needing the call of the soldier lads quartered at Camp Mcclellan, that they might be more efficiently and quickly shaved and shampooed, MT. H. N. Malony opened a shop at Anniston, and Mrs. Malony was left with the man agement of tho Birmingham shop at 2009 Second avenue. She will have charge of the purchasing of supplies, advertising and all outside business, while MT. Charles Neuer, who has been Mir. Ma mingham fivesyears ago, will have charge of the details inside the shop.
 "This, however, Is by no means Mrs. Malonys first venture into the business world, and it is believed that she was the first woman to enter the real estate busi- ness in Birmingham. Three years before her marriage she was active in the realty game, and since has built several apart ment houses on the South Highlands She has achieved signal success and gained a reputation for good judgment and efficient business ability.
 Mrs. Malony has also been promi- nently identified in the earlier closing and shorter hour movements in Birming- ham, and for the past two years she has given more than half of her time to ef- forts to secure shorter hours for the store employees That she has met with sue cess is evidenced by the fact that more than 150O store employees now work from one to four hours less each week. Mrs. Malony's many friends wish hef great success in her new undertaking the most popular 'Tonsorial Emporium and. predict that 'Malony's' vii soon be in Birmingham"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-11-02

Member of the Associated fress
 The Age-herald is the only m0rn4Hs and Sunday newspaper in Birm4nsha4n carrying the Associated Press ols~ patches.
 The Associated Press Is excluslveAS entitled to the use for republlcatloan of all news dispatches credited to Ae or not otherwise credited in this paper and also the local news pupAsheo herein.
 All rights of republication Of spe- cial dispatches herein gre a4so Hs- served.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-11-02
IN HOTEL LOBBIES
 AND ELSEWHERE
Pastor of "Nitrate Plant"

"A man asked me where 1 was sta toned" said Rev. T. Fl. Johnson of shef- field, who is brother Of Rev. J. W. Johnson, the presiding elder of the Bir- mingham district, land told him I was pastor of the new nitrate plant. mean ing that my charge was at Sheffield. We are mighty set up over getting the great government plum, for now we think that at last Sheffield is going to come into her own
 Halloween Franks in old Days
 T was tempted to write a story set ting forth that Halloween pranks had passed beyond play and were dangerous ly infringing on downright criminality by the wanton destruction of property" said J. l.. Yancey, the well known real estate man. but I looked back to the days oE my youth and saw that while the boys in my set were not perhaps as destructive as the ones of the present generation, yet they played some pranks that put the old folks to a lot of trouble.
 T think. however, that the twentieth century lad is going bit too far and ought to be curbed."