Douglas Island news., 1917-05-25

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 Dr. J. Y. slocum, Of Chicago has lam idea that Che Stroller needs fixing land m stercotypcd lcttct copies of which were probably mailed Co Ifcn thousand people ot thc same |tmc expresses great concern for |his physical welfare Incidentally. Doe slocum has ro.galyauic belts for sale and hc says "It is .thc only belt that win produce 90 powerful current without che use of vinegar" Tho Stroller rcioiccs that such is che ease for he never was much stuck ou vinegar. or course. .it is an right iu its place but who wants Co mix vinegar up with h.s electric currents.
 Tho treatment Dr. slocum adycr- uscs is worth. bc says. Slo. but ow- me Co his great interest iu tbc stroll ter. hc is willing Co take $l2 and rau it even. thus showing chat he has SgN worth of interest iu man whom hc has never seen. llc him scll doubtless needs treatment for enlargement of Che heart
 Tho doctor asks a number Of 0ucs- tious but gives his word That the answers win bc treated us comic dcutial that no eyes other than his own win ever see tbcm ln this matter thc Stroller takes him at his word and answers Che questions hcar- me ou his ease. confident that che eyes of Che cold and cruel world win never gaze ou them The questions and answers are os follows.
 Have you worked harde
 For more than thirty years we have edited. read proof turned a cylinder press before Che days of electricity and where che fire ordiu- aucc did not permit ol our using steam. kicked job press al day and washed at night for large and rapidly growing family
 uo you work hard uove
 The fact that We put am 9d m last weeks paper for outside waah- mE Is evidence that we work hard  now.
 Do you have ringing .u thc c1rs2
 Not now. We used Co have while we presided over Che dcsuuics of a newspaper u Florida and took moon. shine whisky u payment for sub- scr.ption.
 Have you been troubled with night svc5fs iu recent ycars'
 Qut yer joku'. Say. Doe. during recent years we lived where it was 5U below zero uiuc months In tbc year and there were uo such uNm- i,s as night sveots
 Do you wake up m Che morning with a hcodachcs
 Not since we began putting % squirt ol lemon iu it.
 Arc you troubled with night. marce
 No but thc dogs in the uc.Fhbor- hood frequently raise moro or loss. usually more. gehcuua
 Are you nervous
 Not if a brave man is behind Che gun. but there is uo telling what a coward win do.
 Are you easily lotigucde
 Yes Beating a carpet or listening to a Willie croup story does us up u short order
 Are you losing ambItIou2
 Indeed we arc. Thirty years ago we wanted Go be president of ral- road or a bank. Now we are satis- fled with a free pass over Che former and credit for Sl0O at Che latter
 Is it getting worsc2
 Do you mean our health or our crcdite
 Do you desire thc belt sent to you m a plain package SO chat uo one win know its coutcutse
 Certainly not. Tie a flag to it and send it along at che head ol a torcb- light procession. It win be a good ad. for you and we don't carc.
 Arc there any more men m your town who would be benefited by my treatment?
 If it win grow hair. there is a broad field here for your belt IT you win make aEcucrol reduction from $40 Co SI2 thc Stroller wo.s not but that we might get up a gal- yanjc belt club here and. after a short time. give electric socials and pale pink teas. To add Co Che inter- est. you might offer premiums for tho best rcsuiJs shown.
 The Stroller Is always glad Co cv- tend a glad hand Go every man Iikc |you. Doe. who is willing and anxious to do something for tbc benefit of his fellow map take him by Che |uape of Che neck. SO Co speak. and |yauk him out Of Che slimy depths of despair. Too many men. Doe. go