New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1917-04-08
Zim, on Rainy Day, Euolues
Plan to Halt Hostile Fleet
Would Stick Mirrors on Rats
to Scare Enemy-Ciants
Play Tigers To-day
By w. o. MCCLELLAN

By W. ~. VI GEEHAN
Kansas City. Mo. April Rain and
the forty-fourth birthday OF John
Joseph McGraw fell upon this date.
There was no doubt about the rain. but
Hughie Jennings. Of the Tigers, in
sisted tina, McGraw was cheating a few
years on the count BE that as IL may.
there was no game, and the athletes
were forced to pass the hours by play
Ing leap frog, authors and other d.
vcrting and interesting games in the
corridors OF their hosiery.
Preparations were made by the De-
troit players 10 fire a salute Of twenty
one sets Of spikes at Mr. McGraw in
honor Of his natal day during the prog
ress OF the game at the local park. The
rain prevented this courtesy from being
extended. During the long afternoon
Heiuie Zimmerman. whose talents
hitherto were suppose to be confined
exclusively 70 the National Pastime, re-
vealed himself as great naval strate-
gist. Zim revealed a plan for keeping
Off invading fleets which for sheer in
genuity and simplicity is little short
Of genius.
Henie Is Some Strategist
"All We got 70 do" said Zim. els to
get a lot OF big looking glasses and
stick them on RATS of the coast. The
other feet comes sailing along and sees
the reflection of the ships in the mir
rors. Naturally they will turn right
around and sail back. They are not
going to slide when they see that they
are out mile. It's a wonder some
body didn't think of that scheme be-
fore"
Belicose Benny Kauf was downcast
and depressed. Somebody had told him
that it was in violation Of all rules o.
civilized warfare TO shoot military
rife from the left side lie was last
seen writing with his port fin letter
to the Secretary Of War asking that y
certain number Of left-handed muskets
be issued for the benefit of the un-
fortunates who happened to be patriotic
though left handed
The bewilderment which afflicted the
athletes in the iucomprehensibl State
Of Kansas has not yet passed. While
in Manhattan, Kan. the FASTENERS were
driven to end from the field by lady
chaufeurs.
"The women are running the taxis in
Europe during the war" volunteered
Ferdinand Schupp. who is of a lit
erary turn Of mind and reads news
! paper every day Got to hand It TO
| Kansas FOR speed. Here's the war only
day old. and they got lady chsufeurs
already and the one in green IS some
/ chauffeur at that Guess IL won't ba
| long nov before the National League
! teams are all made up Of women"
They've got lots of old women in
, the league already" said lIeinie Zim-
norman. fiercely. "The woman's place
: is in the home
Jim Thorpe Shows Prowess
Jim Thorpe. the worlds greatest all
around athlete had q chance 20 show
his proves in The only exciting event
Of the day. the advance money race.
John buckingham Foster. the fleet
footed secretary OF the Giants. had
resentment carly this morning that
the athletes would descend upon him
clamoring for money.
He took a light breakfast, and. get
ting a good start. was three block away
before his departure was noted. There
goes John Foster" walled Heinie Zm-
norman and me lacking the dough 10
wire some flowers 20 a friend Of mine
who is opening n cafe in The Bronx.
Stop him. somebody Use no violence,
if II can be avoided, but stop him"
Giving the blood-curdling yell Of tho
Sac and Fox tribe. jim Thorpe dashed
out into the street. Foster felt the
hot breath OF the Infatuated redskin
on his neck and quickened his pace. but
Thorpe made one OF those Carlisle flying
tackles and brought him TO earth with
the Giant bank roll tucked convulsiyely
under his left arm.
Had out some wampum. The war
riors would dance and make merry"
said the guileless aborigine, or words
to that effect Foster complied
Some anxiety was felt in camp when
Sinister Dick Kinsella, the scout,
wormed his way through the corridors
of the hotel II was rumored that
Richard had come 20 make public the
correct age Of John Joseph McGraw a.
n dinner 70 be given TO the manager OF
the Giants b. the New York CORE
spondents tonight. SO far, Sinister
Dick has committed no overt act. save
TO squat In the shade OF an artificial
palm and TO tell the world that he was
the original discOverer Of Mickey Xii
duff at Omaha.
To all who would listen Sinister Dick
told the tale anew. with variations 10
fl tho moment. The venerable ivory
hunter will leave to-n ght 10 ply his
precarious and nefarious occupation in
the jungles near indianapolis,
Wagner TO Kansas City
It seems fairly certain now that Joe
Wagner, the utility inhelder Of the
Giants, will be bartered or exchanged
70 the Kansas City club. The local pas
timers have "A hole in their inheld big
enough 20 let an army corps pass
through in battalion front, and Joseph
ia just the lad 20 plug the breach
Mickey Kilduf seems 90 have sewed zap
the position Of utility infelder for the
Giants.
III