Bridgeton pioneer., 1917-09-06

NOuAoC III her OH, 1ne
only course that suggested itself to me
was this:
II you keep on talking long enough
perhaps you'll say something worth
nearing in time"
AT this our instructor called a halt.
Where is the error in this case? he
asked me.
The error is in a woman's endless
chaln of words" was my reply.
wrong. Your wife was simply let
ting off steam. The feminine nerves
are different from those of men, and
| husband should recognize this. You
Should have let your wife talk until
she was talked out"
| What! Listen to that rubbish?
Where do the husbands nerves come
| in?"
His part is to leave the room quiet
~ and without banging the door be-
hind him
See here. professor" l began angri-
ly, I'D have you understand
"Recess," interrupted the professor,
and opened the door of a pleasant lit
tie room, in which there were flowers
and birds and pictures on subjects con-
ducive to happy emotions. go IN
| there and make up"
what a pretty room!' said my hypo-
! thetical wife, smile breaking over her
pretty lips
! "Delightful!' / assented.
| We were left together for some time,
| longer than l thought necessary for
| practice in reconciliation between hus-
band and wife, though altogether too
short for pair of lovers. Indeed, I
would not have objected to a much
longer period. Mr.. Larramore sum-
moned US to new marital trials. apollo
gizing for leaving us so long.
1--WE have a room in which we put
extremely amiable couples" he said,
for the severest test that can be ap-
piled. 1t is furnished throughout in
red. Tie reason for my delay in your
case is that l put couple in the red
room. and there resulted such bitter
quarrel that it required all my strength
to separate them. Never furnish a
room in red; it eXcites animosity."
"What did you do with this coupler"
1 asked.
'They are now in the violet room.
billing and cooing."
MAY / ask professor, what proper
ton of divorces your tables indicated
are mother-in-law cases?"
NINETY per cent
"Is it the mother-in- law virus alone
that produces the trouble or are there
other ingredients?"
"Quite often there are other ingre-
dients, but it is safe to say that with
the mother-in-law removed IS per cent
of such cases would pull through"
"What is the best anti-toxin,' ask
ed, ''for wife on the verge of trans
ferring her affections to another man?"
another woman"
"And l suppose my hypothetical
wife'S part in the anti-toxin for a hus-
band infatuated with another woman
than his wife is another MANI"
"Only as a last resort replied the
professor ''The interference of the
other man is liable to throw stain on
the wife,
Mrs. Larramore was passing, and her
husband referred the question to her.
"The treatment of husband infatu-
ated by another woman" she said, ire
quires more self control than any other
case The safest plan is for the wife
to ignore the infatuation and not ap.
pear jealous, for the man is pretty sure
to tire of the other woman in time A
man whose home is made attractive to
him is not likely to give it up for good
unless he is badly handled"
Professor LarramOre recommended
his drilling in the matrimonial manuals,
but the practice was rather on points
calculated to bring about trouble than
those in which quarrel had got under
way. These matters did not interest
me. l made several irritating remarks
| to my hypothetical wife that made her
very angry for the purpose of being
sent to the making up room. When
we were returned there the lady said:
II wouldn't marry you for the wealth
of the Indies'
"Do you know why 1 said those vii
famous things to your
Because you are naturally vicious,
I suppose"
Because our former making up was
so delightful that l wished to make up
over again."
l was drilled with my hypothetical
wife in avoiding matrimonial whirl-
pools twice a week for six weeks, at
the end Of which time we were each
given certificate that we were master
and mistress of the art. When the
diplomas were given us the professor
said that we were fitted to pass the
matrimonial danger period with any,
thing short Of a tarantula or porcu-
pine, and I am sure that we had been
subjected to every conceivable test that
can possibly arise between two newly
married persons.
In parting with my hypothetical wife
at her home at l o'clock the next morn