Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1917-08-16

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gave way before the onset of Teddy's
battering ram, cracking around IFS entire
periphery; so, terrible TO relate, the
bottom dropped out, and the soup, with
all the industry and genius combined in
its concoction, all the hopes and fond ex-
pectations il had inspired, the high pleas
ure IFS consumption and digestion should
have engendered, went down into the
fire and utter ruin.
The catastrophe was too appalling. The
loudest excIamations of regret, colored
by the most lurid profanity, were utterly
inadequate. Dumbfounded. the circle
stood around speechless-the toothsome
smile in their eyes gave place TO a glare
against the demon OF mishap who had
pumped down in their midst. Not a
word was TO be said, not quip or joke,
for hunger and merriment do not consou.
Under the burden Of disappointmentthey
tumbed out of the place, not one remain
ing to remark, Gosh, what pity - and
to give any comfort TO poor Teddy, who
was heartbroken and silent.
Somehow the loss of their expected
repast destroyed any "gemuIIch" or
kindly feeling OF companionship. Each
wended his homeward way empty, soup
less and hopeless, perchance with the
intention of foraging at home for old bones
and cold potatoes 10 fill the vacuum. IT
is to be hoped that none were constrained
to that last resort OF our cd Dutch friend,
whose peculiar brogue had induced the
question
George, are you anative Americana"
"No-h ! bawn in Pencilwany u
Now George, who was our boss toun-
dryman and could therefore provide him
self with cast-iron digestive apparatus,
was complaining how one midnight he
was awakened by the acute pangs OF
hunger. He got up and went down
stairs 10 find somewhat 10 satisfy il, but
his cupboard, alike that OF dear old
Mother Hubbard, was bare-not bone,
crust or scrap. All he could lay hands
on was a box OF pills. So said he, 81
just took six pills and big drink OF
water and went TO bed and felt fuSsrate. D."
The use OF cathartics TO alleviate hun
ger is surely new remedy, but per-
adventure they were only Christian
Science bread pills rolled up in a capsule
of prayer, as harmless antidote for weak
mental delusions.
On his way home, one OF our party
passed under an opened window wherein
young girl was playing Gottschalk's
Last Hope" whereby he might have
found some consolation for Last Soup,
but he passed Ont was not fantasie but
filling he wanted, alike our German
friends now enemies) who, tho so en-
tranced and absorbed in their music, yet
at their grandeSt orchestral concerts must
have their beloved beer, cheese and
gemutIich, which last word sounds alike
some spice or spread 10 neutralize the
limburger, just as cardamon seed is used
to purify the expirations OF The whiskey-
drinker.
But poor Teddy, left alone to the Bit
terness of his disappointment, alike the
crushed tragedian The shop was lit by
dim coal oil lamp, whose chimney could
serve as smoked glass for eclipse gazing.
The dismal air was laden with The odor
OF scorched soup and sadness. Amid
the wreck OF blasted hopes he sat alike
Marius among the ruins Of Carthage. His
cherished ambition was quenched-verllY
with that soup il had "gone TO poi" and
out with it. He could never again ven-
ture to look a pot Of soup squarely in the
face. He grimly resolved that It was his
last trial, not one more. He felt as the
soldier who out on the western plains
had so long been fed upon beans. When
discharged he came 10 the nearest city,
cleaned up, shaved and dressed, then
went into a restaurant for fine dinner.
Having no menu card, he asked the
waiter what they had. Waiter began by
naming bean soup, but the soldier, brist-
ling up quickly with starched backbone
and minatory finger, shot forth his order :;
"Bean No, sir-not while live-not
one more bean
Moreover, the calamity had rendered
him speechless-he so voluble, volatile
and ready TO pass over the greatest mis-
hap with a gibe, now had not word to
say even to himself. II was time tor
meditation, repentance and perhaps re-
formation; but his present loss seemed
more poignant than the loss OF his i'm
mortal soul-he cared more for soup than
salvation. The only change Of heart that
came TO him, was the feeling that he
would shut up as clam and never speak
another word. He reiterated this reso-
luton in his mind and perchance pathet-
ically recalled the old German story oi
the venlriIoquist who, being strapped
and hungry, picked up small stray dog
and taking him under his am-went in
beer saloon and made the dog speak and
ask for beer, bread and cheese. The beef
man was so astonished and tickled al
hearing dog talk that he gave them all
they wanted; then. thinking how ne
might profit by dog wisdom as revealed
10 The ancients by the mouth OF old friend
Aesop, he proposed to buy the dog. BuI
The ventnloquist was hornfied al the idea
OF parting with his dear Fido. Finally
after the price had been raised again and
again, he succambed TO the temptation,
tho, as he said, if was hard struggle
but he needed the money so bailY. he
took the proffered roll and deposited Fidc
on the bar. Going away, he turned and