The Washington herald., 1917-01-28

Featurfp tn short, Stout Party.
Dear folks: On behalf of Lon, who is
sufferin' from a turrible split lip, I beg
t state that this stupendous serial pic
ture, Complaints" has never been
throwed on any other screen before,
either in this country or Moo York, an
as tn kid has gone to tremendous ex-
pense in stagin' this soul-stirrin' drama
think 1t only fair to him that tn
audience keep their seats throughout
tn performance. II va please, profess
sorI
Scene laid In any old gas office.
Short, stout party enters hurriedlv,
upsets a couple O. light-weights, rushes s
to complaint window, .osses large roll
O. receipted 'tpast-performances at
clerk, an then starts Z heave.
COMMUNICATED morning.
S. S. P.-Good mornin'. sir. (Fidgets
through handbag for current bill.
Now, looka here. I've locked up three
small children, an postponed a weeks
washin' just { get to this office, an try T.
find out what this Is all about. (Sboyes
bill at clerk.)
''Complsints''-Yes'm. Gooks over
biIL)
5. 5. Pit amt nothin' more'n out
rageous. tha's what II amt. An INV
Fred says he can't stand IL no longer
Tha's what he says
"Complaints"-What seems to be the
chief trouble with the bill, madam?
3. s. P.-Chief trouble! Lam sakes
alive, man. va don't think ] set up all
night tryin' Z lay tn blame to no trou-
BILE in particular? TIL whole things
smothered with trouble. 1t amt moth
In else but trouble. Look at il,
-Complaints"-Yes, I know. but ,s Il
the amount of the bill-SS10?
S. 8. P.-Is it tn amount of tn bill,
Whadda va think l wasted perfectly
good car fare fort ride in here an
make kick on tn color? I've been
livin' on them same premises for nigh
onto seven years this comm November.
an tn gas amt never went past sI.sO
'ceptin' oncet. an that's when nv old
est gal, Florrie. was took down with
pneumonia, OWN t draughts an ex-
posure in tn place where she worked.
an then 'twarn't but $500. There's
my receipts. Get busy an look 'em
over.
"Complaints"-(Fak tn once-oyer \
(Swel dame in line in undertone T.
stranger-Mercy, aren't some people
impossibleD
S. S. P.-(Catchin' undertone)-Yes
an you'd be impossible, too, IL you was
bein' sandbagged by a big bunch O.
burglars. 1 dunno who va be, but
from tn looks o your fnery I takes it
you're one o. them idle-rich what tust
pay their gas bills cause it's got t be
a hobby. I'm a hard workin' woman.
exit swell dame hurriedly)
"Complaints"-It might be that your
meter is fast, lady.
S. S. P.-Well, 1t might be that this
mere corporation had better get IL out,
cause it's tn onliest fast thing in our
home! Me an my Fred is respectable
folks.
"complaints"-or maybe our man
overhead it. Would you care to have
it tested?
S. s. P.-over-read it, 1t seems e
me big concern like this could AFFORD
t employ regular gas-men without
hddlin' around with a parcel O. stu
dents. but I don't want no testin'! Nv
Fred won't stand for gamblin' in no
kind O. form. Th' ponies nearly I'm
ished him early in life. an he SAYS TIL
test game is worse'n tn shells" Let
EN- read 1T over.
"Complaints"-All right, madam
Wen send our man up at once. Nice
weather we're havin'.
s. S. P.-Oh, I amt got nothin' agin'
tn weather. but tell me. why amt tina
Hennesy kid readin' our meter no
more? Not that I ever cared much for
tn Hennesys, since old man Hennesy
got pinched, but WiIlies a nice boy,
an knowed how t read meters
"Complaints"-Willie Hennesy's on
tn wagon now. He's goin' up with
the gas. Nice boy, Willie.
S. S. P.-Yes, he an his sister, Agnes,
what married O'Malley tn cop, was tn
onliest, two in tn family that ever
amounted t much.
"Complaints'-All right, we'll get
you fixed up.
s. S. P.-(Gatherin' up bills)-Now
see that va do. What with tn high
cost O. everythin' you folks oughta
furnish tn gas free so that homes
respectable people could see how much
they owe. Well. goodbye. Please try
t send Willie Hennesy IL it amt none
too much bother, cause our whole
neighborhood likes Willie, an he sure
can read meters. Goodbye.
Note: Fake Stuff" Ions series
study, No. 11--A gas consumer regis
term a laughin' complaint when he
knows in his heart that his meters
runnin' slow.