The Daily Missoulian. [volume] (Missoula, Mont.) 1904-1961, 1917-02-23
What Harriet Ouqht
to Haze K11o1u11

(By Haywood Broun in the New York Tribunc)
Miss Orhelia-How old you Topsy?
Topsy-Dunno missy.
Miss Opheia-Don't know how old you are?
Didn't anybody tell you? Who VISA your
mother?
Topsy with a broad grin)-Nevcr had none.
Miss ophela-Ncver had any mother! What do
you mean? Where you born?
Topsy (Stil grinning)-Ncver was born! 'spect
just crowd.
At this point the sngularly old fashioned play
wright who dramatized Uncle Toms Cabin" al
lowed the potentially big scene of his play to slip
from his fingers. The tragedy of Topsy went by
unseen, for the playwright failed to point ont that
she must inevitably grow up to be a white slave
because of innocence.
smart, up to- the minute dramatist might do
much with Uncle Toms Cabin" even now if he
only had high moral purpose in front of him and
THE Medical Review of Reviews" behind him. His
cue, of course. would be .Topsy-Never was born!
'spect just crowd
The scene might then continue:
Miss Ophelia-Topsy, do you mean to tell me that
you never read Drei Adbandlungen eur Sexual
theorie?
Topsy--Yes, missy.
Miss Ophelia--Or "Sexuelle Abnormitaten der
knder?'
Topsy-'Deed do, missy
Miss Ophclia--lIave you any knowledge whatso-
ever of the fundamental principles of biology?
Topsy-Buy what Miss Onhelia?
Miss Ophea-Dd you ever cut open a frog?
Topsy-Oh, lordy, no!
Miss Ophelia--Do mean to stand there and
tell me that absolutely ignorant of the fun
damenta principles in the propagate of species?
Topsy (Beginning to wcep)-I reckon So Miss
Ophelia, but won't never do it again
Miss Ophela-Topsy, I'm going to tell you a few
| plain facts.
| AT this point there may be a quick curtain or the
scene can be held while Miss Ophclia reads Chap
tiers to TO- inclusive of What a Young Girl Ought
to Know. This, of course, is matter which must
be left to the author. the audience and the local
| Chief of Police
Topsy is not the only character in Uncle Toms
| Cabin who has been neglected 1t might be well
| to develop the plot along the lines laid down in
| those film plays whose posters proclaim This
mother told her child; this mother did not" Little
| Eva naturally would be the model child and Topsy
| the horrible example.
| The play might begin with idyllic scene in
| which Little Eva is seen reading her Haveock Ellis
IN words of one syllable, while by sits the faith
| 1nl Uncle Tom porting and mnmbling over a wei
| thumbed copy of What an Old Colorcd Gentleman
| Ought to Know"
| or course the death of Little Eva would have tc
be rewritten and twist put into it. That
| would be simple enough. First of all, the relatives
| and servants called to the bed of the dyinl
| child who sits up and while her strength remain.
speaks in girsh enthusiasm of what Kraft Ebint
| mas meant to her. BY and by her musical vote,
grows weaker, although its cadcnces are stl sweet
| Every one crowds close so as not to miss a word
but presently it is evident that Eva is wandering
She is not all there. OF sudden n bcatific srnl,
ovcrsprcads her face and she stretches out her arms
! st. Clarc-Eva, darling, tell what you see
| Eval see the angels
| ST Clare (Alusngly)~She is dreaming of angels
| Now wonder what she mean. That's a sym
Dol, don't knew Run and get DR.. Freud Topsy
your mistress has complex.
| The scene in which DR.. Freud comes and explain
what the dream means may be excluded at the dis
erection Of the Mayor.
1t may be pointed out also that while Eliza vii
be called upon to cross the ice there is no longe
any particular need of the bloodhounds Thei
haEng might serve to drown the clarion call to Sc
education. AS for Eliza it viii be shown by tn
darmatist in due course that birth control Nigh
have made it unnecessary for her cross the ice
save her child from being sold into slavery. At an
rate, but for the child she could have cut ten an
two-fifths seconds off her time which still stand
as an Ohio record conditions OF track and every
thing else being taken into consideration But per
, haps that is another drama.
l