davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Democratic messenger. [volume] (Snow Hill, Md.) 1869-1973, 1917-12-15
Bob Stillwell's
Christmas
BY ANNE CAREW

JB SItLLWELL
sat down on his
sled with his
chin IN his nit.
tened hands and
tried to plan
what he could
give folks for
Christmas, for 1t
was only three
days away.
81 can't give u
thing 7" he NUT
tered at last. for
he did not have u
penny of his own.
aud he knew that
money was very
scarce on the
farm that year.
The Stlllw ell
Democratic messenger. [volume] (Snow Hill, Md.) 1869-1973, 1917-12-15
Tho luInlne That Does Not Afiecs tho l.ss.

Because Of It's tonic and laxative effect. LAxA.
TIVE BROMO QUt:iSE is better than ordinary
Quininc and does not cause nervousness nor
ringing In head. Remember the full name and
look for the signature OF L. W. GROVE. SOC.
Democratic messenger. [volume] (Snow Hill, Md.) 1869-1973, 1917-12-15
1t Has Its Risks

What is the quickest way you know
Of for making money?
| don't know any way quicker Il
counterfeiting.
Democratic messenger. [volume] (Snow Hill, Md.) 1869-1973, 1917-12-15
Paradoxical Assertion

Why does Jims sit so long in the park.
Because he says tie has right TO sit
there rs long a. he pleases, and he in
tends to stand up for his rights.
Democratic messenger. [volume] (Snow Hill, Md.) 1869-1973, 1917-12-15
piles Cured in q to u DAYS.

Four druggist will refund money II PAZo
OINTMENT fails TO cure any case OF Itching
Hind bleeding or hotruding Piles in TO II days
The first application gives Ease and Rest. sOc
Democratic messenger. [volume] (Snow Hill, Md.) 1869-1973, 1917-12-15
True Sign

Friend That's a wide-awake looking
man ! met coming out of your office.
Doctor Yes; I'm treating him for
insomnia.
Democratic messenger. [volume] (Snow Hill, Md.) 1869-1973, 1917-12-15
Cruel Enlightenment

He You seem TO think couldn't
make any woman happy.
She-Oh. yes, there is one: your
widow
Democratic messenger. [volume] (Snow Hill, Md.) 1869-1973, 1917-12-15

Did your new dressmaker give yol
a fit in that gown?
should say sol Thew bod
two doctors YH--
Democratic messenger. [volume] (Snow Hill, Md.) 1869-1973, 1917-12-15
Scientific Foresight

How did the boy get his motorcycle?
He seized the psychological moment
to ask for il.
Democratic messenger. [volume] (Snow Hill, Md.) 1869-1973, 1917-12-15
Just Deduction

This murder mystery ought to be easy
TO unravel.
should judge 80 from the quantity
Of yarn in il.
Democratic messenger. [volume] (Snow Hill, Md.) 1869-1973, 1917-12-15
Proof Positive

Is that purse of yours real alligator
skin?
Is it? Just listen to it snap.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1917-08-08
NATIONAL CREDIT ABILITY
By HOLLAND

which led to accommodations to Europe
or at least to the allies winch nave
risen now up into the billions.
The statement has been made that the
recent floating of the $100,00000o Domin-
ion of Canada loan in the United States
was the first made by American bankers
to a foreign government But those who
have made this assertion forget that 50
speedily had the United States recov-
cred its equilibrium, SO clearly was it
demonstrated that our federal reserve
system and our resources were equal to
any emergency that Great Britain AND
France jointly approached the United
States hoping to secure here a loan pert
haps for as much as 81 600 100000, certainly
for as much as $500, 600 900. The prelmi(
nary negotiations followed a visit t&u
London .by Henry r. Dawson of J.. P.7
Morgan & Co., and by Mr. Morgan him
self later. Five hundred millions was
the amount finally determined upon and
again Mr. Morgan was appealed to for
assistance in placing this loan in the
United States The task assigned to
him was especially difficult because Eng
land and France did not offer any other
security for the loan than the good faith
of the nations, backed by their re-
sources. Americans were accustomed, Y
excepting in the case of government or (
state and municipal securities to de-
mand that behind any offering for q
loan there should be placed collateral Sc
curity. Mr.. Morgan in a brief address +
assured the bankers that there could be
no better security than the good faith
and honor of England and France, be-
hind which stood untold resources. The
entire amount was subscribed for and
for the first time in our history AmerA
lean bankers made loan aggregatinsMS
many millions, not merely to one but to
two foreign governments who acted
jointly in the transaction,
The achievements of the American \
bankers were not lost to the view of
the government at Washington. Greatly
credits had been established here where
with France, England and other allies
could secure funds which which to pay
for commodities bought in the United
States. England and France began to
buy heavily in the United States soon
after the first financial achievements.
In due time the government at Wash
ington found it not merely expedient
but vital that some part of the finan-
cial resources of the people which had
come into the possession of the govern
ment should be advanced to the allies
and Congress authorized advances
amounting to several billions. Presum-
ably there would be other advances and
If the war should be continued two years
longer it is likely to be discovered that
the allies owe to the United States
many hundred millions more than was
the total amount of our foreign indebt-
edness at the outbreak of the European
war, although that may have been as
great as the largest estimated, which
was $1,000, 100000.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1917-08-08
LUKE NI'LUKE SAYS

After a man has been married long
enough he learns that his wife merely
endures him for the sake of the chill
dren.
Even when her mirror tells her that
she is long and lanky, a girls vanity tells
her that she is tall and willowy.
Once in while you will find a man
whose idea of an ideal wife would be a
woman who has a You kick me and Ill
kiss YOU disposition.
OF course it is joyous life in the movie
fillums. But in real life a cowboy works
L hours day for $50 per month and
smells like a livery stable.
There is a man in every neighborhood
who makes people wonder how he makes
a living. There is one in your neighbor-
hood. isn't there?
You often hear the expression: She $
Just d spretty as she can be-" or course
she is. Every girl is. That's why she
spenas four hours dolling up.
A man has known his mother for more
than 20 years, and he has known his girl
about three months. But when he is out
of town he writes his girl ten-page let
ter and writes his mother tenword
letter.
Most of us are too busy to be polite and
we act as though there was law pro-
hibitig the use of the terms please"
and thank you"
When man sees little dog that has
a big bark, the dog reminds him of some
man he knows.
After all, it isn't wine, woman or song
that cause matrimonial discords. 1t is
bills.
A man often envies woman her glossy,
silky hair. But if he would devote two
thirds of his time to the care of his hair,
as woman does, he could have nice hair.
too
Isn't it strange how much cooler 200
pound woman looks than 200-pound man
on a hot day.
There isn't much wrong with our men
forks as long as they refuse to associate
with a fellow who let's his wife support
him.
Most men would rather be imposed upon
than fight. And all DULLES are DULLES be-
cause they know this.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1917-08-08
UNCLE JoE,s CORRECT VERSION

From the Washington Star.
Uncle Joe" said new member of
the House of Representative Cannon of
Illinois, Il heard good story about you
and green corn"
Great guns, man, that story is 80 years
DID, said Mr.. Cannon.
well. l am new congressman, and
| fell for it,
IF you are going to tell it again" went
on Mr.. Cannon, "let me tell it to you
right. l have seen more versions of it
than there are silk threads in a corn
tassel. It's true, all right.
1T happened at the old Willard hotel
when it used to be run on the American
plan, with three meals a day. l am a
light eater but am powerfully fond Of
green corn. One day had neighbor
on from Danville. who took dinner with
me-"
"Joe, says he to me, how much board
do you pay at this tavern? ! told him.
He looked at the stack of corncobs. rum
mated a moment and then remarked:
Don't you think it would be cheaper for
you to board at a livery stable?'"
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1917-08-08
Preruaier Keremsky
Decidedly Hopeful

mn OW that Premier Kerensky has
IN formed his cabinet he will
strive with all his might to make ii
stick. No statesman or political
leader ever had more strenuous task.
His government may hold on for
awhile and it may go to pieces be-
fore the end of the week.
But Kerensky is resolute and re-
sourceful and if any one could pull
Russia through its disorganized
period he is unquestionably that one.
No other Russian of so marked ability
has come to the front. But the great
est genius who ever lived could not
bring order out of chaos in the pres
emit circumstances without meeting
with temporary reverses.
If Kerensky has plain sailing, so to
speak, or anything approaching tran
guilty until the time for the constitu-
tional convention to assemble, he will
be nothing short of a marvel. 1t is
not probable that reactionaries will
get control. The people of Russia
are done with monarchy. They de-
sire the establishment of republic.
But as Mr.. Root clearly said when he
expressed abiding faith" that Rus
STA, through trial and tribulation,
would make out, create and perpetu-
ate great, free, self-governing
democracy, it will take time and
perhaps a good deal of time.
The most important and cheering
fact today is that Premier Kerensky
is on the right road.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1917-08-08

From the Admission Star.
The Birmingham Ase-Heraid is receive
ing many fluctuations on the celebration
of its twentieth anniversary under the
present management and all the compli-
mentary things said about the paper
have been deserved. for it has typified in
its growth the remarkable strides made
by the Magic City.
The Age-Herald has been distinctive
in one particular, in that it has always
been a clean, conservative paper. one
willing and ready at all times to serve
the entire state without local bias. Even
in the wild days Of yellow Journalism,
1t maintained its equipoise and held firm
to the ethics upon which it was founded
by Mr.. Barrett.
The Age Herald has been generous in
its attitude toward Admission. and An
historians have reciprocated this attitude
by according 1t liberal patronage, with
the result that it has filled the demand
for morning paper here for a number
Of years.
The Star wishes its contemporary con-
tinued prosperity,
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1917-08-08
Use of Wireless
BY German Spie1

1THE MEXICAN REVIEW, pub
II lished monthly at Washington
in the interest of our southern neigh
Dor, denies the rumors that military
information has been transmitted to
the central powers by wireless tele-
graph stations in Mexico.
The Review says in recent edi-
torial: at is again timely and nee
essary to call attention to the cas-
lily demonstrable fact that the high
est powered wireless apparatus in
that country has a radius of but 625
miles double at night time), while
in the most direct line it is over $500
miles from that station to the near
est portion of the territory of the
central powers. (The most powerful
apparatus in the world, that at Fort
Myer, Va, does not carry so far.)
Furthermore, all the wireless APP
paratus in the republic is under the
sole control of the government, which
is maintaining absolute neutrality.
No messages are allowed to be sent
that are not strictly scrutinized. But
in any event, it is a physical impos-
sibility to transmit messages to any
portion of Europe through any wire
less station in Mexico"
This statement does not dispose of
the report that one or more high
powered wireless telegraph stations
have been established secretly in
Mexico, but it isn't likely that they
could remain long hidden, even if
such an attempt were made to send
information to Germany. The United
States government keeps well in
formed regarding events in Mexico
and will not be caught mapping, even
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1917-08-08
Hopes FOR Adinstment

Il am glad to be able to state that
my business picked UP in June and July
and showed considerable increase over
the same months of the past year." said
Marc Link. LAS a citizen and mer-
chant, Of course, 1 am greatly interested
in the tense situation that has developed
between the miners and the mine oper-
ators. Like many others, 1 am hoping
that way can be found to harmonic
the differences without dislocating the
trade and industry of the district"
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1917-08-08
coNGRATuLATEs AGE-HERALp


From the Industrial Record
Upon having completed it's twentieth
year of upbuilding in the Birmingham
district under the present management,
The Age-Herald is entitled to the con-
gratulations of those interested in the
fulfiliment of the kingdom of Birming-
ham.
During it's life The Age-Herald has
steadfastly followed the policy of up
building, and frowned upon any of it's
employees who indicated a tendency to
tear down. That The Age-Herald stands
at the forefront of reliable newspapers
no one will deny. There is tinge of
authority even to its most casual refer
enees that carries conviction to the peo-
pie Of this community. 1t is too well
known to require repetition that when
The Age-Herald says a proposition is
SO, it is just as true as human knowl-
edge can conceive. This reputation for
veracity and authority has come about
only through the passing of time and
through the absolute faith The Age-Her-
aid has maintained with its readers.
We hope that in the future years The
Age-Herald will continue to grow and
prosper. 1t has been of service to the
community, and while it may have failed
some Instances, the total accomplished
Is something that any ambitious editor
can we'll be proud of.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1917-08-08
THE HEAVENLY mills OF HOLLAND

Henry Van Dyke. in Harper's Magazine
for August.
The heavenly hills of Holland
How wondrously they rise
Above the smooth green meadows
Into the azure skies!
With blue and purple hollows,
With peaks of dazzling snow,
Along the far horizon
They march serene and slow.
No mortal foot has trodden
The SUBMITS of that range,
Nor walked those mystic valleys
y Whose colors ever change;
Yet we possess their beauty,
And visit them in dreams,
When the rudy gold OF sunset
From cliff and canyon CLEANS.
The old Dutch painters loved them.
Their pictures show them clear
Old Hobbema and Ruysdael,
Van Goyen and Vermeer.
Above the level landscape
Rich polders long-armed mills.
Canals and ancient cities
Float Hollands heavenly hills.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1917-08-08
Quit KNOCKING Other Fellow

recently Joined the Real Estate Ex-
change" said B. c. Cox. the we'll known
promoter of Gulfport property and
out-of-town lands, for 1 believe those
engaged in it should be on friendly
ought to have an organization where
ideas can be swapped.
There is nothing like it to promote
business and encourage brotherly feel
ms. 1 fear that too often real estate
men have lost out through bitter ri
valry The real estate game is a good
one. and there is every reason why those
engaged in it's should be on friendly
terms. My motto is to boost real estate
and quit knocking the other fellow
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1917-08-08
"HOOvER-ALLS,

From the New York Herald
Montciair women interested in food
conservation are appearing in the street
wearing one-piece dresses which they
call "Hoover-alls' That the garments
will become fashionable is certain, be-
cause it requires one hours conversation
to explain how they are constructed and
what material is used.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1917-08-08
Burton i'm Signal Corps

i am looking forward with much in
terest to my work in the Signal corps
of the United States army" said James
Burton, a prominent young citizen, who
left for point in the west yesterday
II recently stood an examination for a
commission in the Signal corps and
passed. 1 received my credentials few
days ago
Il expect to be in training at some
army post for about two months and
then expect to be sent to France-prob-
ably with the first national army, if not
sooner. TIE Signal corps will play prom
inent part in the present war. and my
hope is that l can do something really
worth while for Uncle Sam
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1917-08-08
NO TIME FOR pEssrM1sM
m the Houston Post.

From the Houston Post.
The Birmingham Age-Herald brags
lot the overscription of the first lib
erty loan. No -adoodling, please.
Until we see how rthe coming three
billion loan gets through
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1917-08-08
strong Grtdiron Team

"Alabama's football team this season
will be as strong as ever" said James
Downey, manager-elect. Coach Thomas
Kelly will soon be on the scene and a
camp will be started about the first of
September to be continued until the mid
die of the month. This bit of outdoor
life for the candidates for about Is days
will put them in excellent condition
We will lose few men on account OF
the draft and l believe our team will be
the strongest in the south during the
coming season. We are trying to arrange
game at present for Thanksgiving Day
at Redwood, as our clash with the
University of Georgia was cancelled by
the Crackers.
There is no truth in the report that
Coach Kelly has resigned. All followers
of the Crimson can expect to see a we'll
balanced team fighting on the gridiron by
the middle of next month"
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1917-08-08

BEGINNING THE DAY-Lord,
what wait L fort Why stand L here
idle, questioning, finding fauif'
Yonder Gibbs and flows the battle
yonder is panic to turn, yonder are
wounds to stanch. yOnder waits the
world for word from God. send
me. In Christ's name. Amen
III. NJ. e.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1917-08-08

From Everybody's Magazine.

From EVerybody's Magazine.
Waiter" he said indulgently but
firmly. Il ordered one dozen oysters.
Why, then, why. do you bring me only
l1?"
The waiter adjusted his serviette to
the required position on his forearm and
bowed elegantly.
Sir" he said calmly. none of our
patrons cares to sit 10 at table,"
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1917-08-08
hotels and restaurants are.

On the Saturday following the first
pay day in camp Birmingham will be
crowded with soldiers. The first
troops drilled will be in concentration
quarters from the middle of August
until early spring; and if the war is
to last two years longer, as most
people think it will, the second in
stallment of drafted men will be in
camp all of next spring and summer.
Birmingham will greet all soldier
visitors and their relatives and friends
with characteristic hospitality.
Raemaekers, the great Dutch car
toonist, says it would be impossible to
exaggerate in his drawings~the brutality
of the Germans. However, it's an easy
matter for caricaturists to exaggerate
the length Of the Kaisers mustache and
the flea-bitten appearance Of the
crown prince.
With all due respect to Harry Lauder,
his American press agent is making good
use of the fact that Harry sings to
soldiers. A large wad of press matter
going into full details, arrived today.
According to Vienna, Windsor, the
name recently adopted by the royal fam
lily of England, is of German origin
Still, it is sufficiently English by this
time not to arouse suspicion.
\ x
King Nicholas of Montenegro whites
away his time by playing poker And
he's probably in position where pot
looks as good to him as to anybody
else
Another result of drastic prohibition is
that bibulous persons who used to be
quite fussy about their favorite brands.
are now drinking anything they can get
X
General Korniloff evidently believes
that a cowardly officer is entitled to
no more consideration than private
soldier with the same yellow streak.
Anna HeId's daughter is teaching
French as form of war service. Think
of having a schoolmarm who can sing
naughty little song during recess!
Those ignorant ,slackers in Oklahoma
are less to be censured than certain
members of Congress who are daily Civ
ms comfort and aid to the Kaiser.
If the allies ever capture the German
navy it looks as if they'll have a hard
time scraping the barnacles Off
So long as Uncle Sam continues to feed
those 1. w. w. members in Arizona they
will probably live up to their alleged
slogan. q won't work"
The Teutons in France must feel deeply
chagrined when their retreat is so hasty
that they don't have time to destroy all
the orchards in sight.
The allies have decided how they will |
make over the map of Europe Uncle |
Sam is going to have word to say
about that.
Rockies training for officers have one
consolation. AS soon as they get a COM
mission their pick and shovel days are !
over
Sometime ago Mr.. Edison was reported |
to have an important invention up his |
sieve. Is it still there?
Il * X
Seattle lives on friendly terms with her
Japanese citizens. And they are not
all Wallets, either.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1917-08-08
THE AESTHETIC NORWEGIAN

AID in the Dubuque Tmes-Journal.
funeral service conducted by us is
noted for it's simple dignified grandeur.
The talents of our well directed organ
ization make each funeral ceremony a
decidedly artistic achievement
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1917-08-08
RL1GHTEp AMBITION.


Time was when Gladys Van de We're
Upon the screen planned to appear,
A celebrated movie STAR
Whose name and fame were known afar.
Had visions of limousine,
Like any other movie queen;
A salary so large twouid make
Her friends back home with envy ache.
Time was" we said. Poor Gladys
dream
Was dashed-things are not what they
seem.
Denied the mystic realm of art,
She plays rather prosy part.
And tries to make the best of life
AS Henry Arthur Dubson's wife.
He wonders if estheticism
Is something like the rheumatism.
ALARMING PROSPECT.
Are you in favor of meatless and
wheatless days?"
ooh, yes" replied the bon vivant. Il
feel it my patriotic duty to indorse the
food conservation movement, but l hope
it won't progress so far that we'll event
ualiy be having eatless days.
NOT HIS MEAT.
You're a nut" said the slangy indi-
vidual
Maybe am" replied the person adj
dressed, as he began rolling up his
sleeves, "but don't you ever get the idea
when around me that you are squirrel"
A MAD IMPULSE.
How was the summer hotel where you
spent two weeks?"
Not BAD
did you do just as you liked while
there?"
"oh, no. For instance, I would have
liked to go up and down the verandas,
overturning the chairs of gosspy old
dowager but of course l didn't"
RARE FORBEARANCE.
81 must say that Glithersby is con-
sentative citizen"
I'm what respect?"
80 far he has refrained from calling
the Germans Huns"
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1917-08-08

though German money and ingenuity
might well be able to carry through
such scheme of espionage.
1t is not at all surprising that Ger
many had advance information of the
sailing of General Pershing's expe-
dition. Americans are notorious for
talking too much and any spy worth
his salt could probably have learned
what was going on and could have
transmitted his report by private
channels to the German government.
AS the Review points out, any
wireless messages across the Atlantic
would certainly have been intercept
ed by some of the American wireless
stations in the south, or by Ameri-
can or foreign ships on the Atlantic
coast. 1t is more probable that the
''leak" was due to American care
lessness. We have yet to learn how
to keep secret.