Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1917-10-25
Little Problems
&cMarried Life
WILLIAM GEORGE JORDAN
DANGER OF GROWING APART
MENTALLY.

When two friends start out Tor
long walk together they seem fnstnc-
lively to adjus. their steps SO thar
they walk side by side, within toucn-
ing distance of each other. Ii one
gradually quickens his pace until ne is
yards ahead of the other and, In MS
self-absorption, increasingly wfdens
the distance between them, they cease
to be two walking together and be-
come two walking alone. Marriage Is
q lifelong walk together of two who
have selected each other from all the
world. 1t is community of thought,
ideals, aims, needs and sentiments that
tends to keep them in step. 1t does
not mean a sacrifice of individuality,
nor does it demand unanimity of opin-
lon, but there should ever be progress
sive harmony on essentials and pro-
gressive sympathy on nonessentials.
Some men feel a pleasant glow of
satisfaction in fulfilled duty when they
divide generously with their wives
their material prosperity. If money
were the only thing in life, or even
the greatest thing, their view would
be correct, but the really greatest
things in the world are those that
money cannot buy. When man finds
himself growing broader mentally and
does not share his new self with his
wife, he is taking an intellectual ele-
vator and letting her trudge alone up
the stairway as best she can. When
he grows into a larger and finer social
world and does not make her part
of it he is travelling in the parlor-car
and keeping her in the day coach.
When the larger Interpretation of life
and its problems strengthens his Splr-
ftual and ethical vision, while his wife
continues in the narrow horizon of I'M
Illuminated household cares, he is
monopolizing the telescope, which
brings things near and larger, leaving
her the microscope which only in
creaSeS the Importance of her tribes
Growing apart mentally must, under
these conditions, become inevitable. 1t
may be that he alone is to blame; it
may be her fault, or it may be the blind
"Reminiscences of both. His repeated
attempts to talk over with her his
ideals, his dreams of ambition, his
plans, purposes and progress, to stimu-
late her interest, to share with her his
intellectual uplift may be met with no
real comprehension, no sympathy, no
inspiring response. When cOmradeship
in marriage dies, 1t really makes very
little difference what the postmortem
verdict as to the decease may be.
When the husband is out in the
world of business which tends to blend
with the social world, he may broaden
mentally as he prospers materially.
He travels over the country, and in a
wider acquaintance with men and con-
ditions has many of the rough edges
of provincialism worn smooth. He
meets men of attainment and action.
men of power and prestige, and under
q more stimulating environment devel-
ops latent strength of his own. He
brushes up against keen minds that
put q new edge on his thinking; he is
in closer touch with current thought
and opinion; he has acquired polish.
The keynote of his living, SO far as
society is concerned, is higher. His
tastes become more discriminating,
his demands more exacting. If he has
not been sharing these things with the
wife of his youth, he finds she has
been standing still while he has been
progressing.
She who faithfully struggled with
him and for him, helped him to get
the footho1d of his present success
and became absorbed in working, plan
ming and saving, may now be a mere
drudge. He has a new standard OF
life now, and she falls sadly short OF
1T. He measures things more super
ficially, and though her heart may be
unchanged, her head is not up to date
He may be ashamed to introduce heI
into the new society of which he has
become part; she is plain, unattrac-
tive, overretiring or overloQuaciouS
She is aggressive in her dress and dis
play; she is not familiar with the rules
of the social game-with the "tech
nique'' of his new set
The old equality between them has
been destroyed-killed through ne
glect. 1t is not the work of moment
but the slow. widening process of years
of growing apart. But the realization
of it all may come in a moment. There
may be suddenly an Illuminating fash
of consciousness, when he involun
tarily faces it, in comparing her will
other women.
Some little mannerism of hers thai
once was sweet, just because it was
hers, jars on his sensibilities anG
strikes q discordant note. Once ht
did not care whether she thought ii
was Homer or Carlyle who wrote
Silas Mariner or whether she hat
heard of either author or book. Per
haps at that time he did not know thu
book himself. The red tape of so
ciety's cards, passwords and method:
may have become second nature t.