davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The St. Joseph observer., 1917-02-17
DAKOTA AND THE APPENDIX.

The legislators OF North Dakota
are graphing with the appendix
not possibly with their own appen-
dices, but with those Of the people of
the state at iarge-therefore that
much troublesome and absolutely
useless ornament to our anatomy is
again to the forefront.
That the appendix has not been
satisfactorily regulated. goes without
saying but st. Joseph doctors and
surgeons are reducing the number
daily The appendix itself-at the
way that things are going-will never
be regulated. The surgeons regulate
II by cutting it out. Those who keeI
their appendices must Just worry
along and regulate them as best they
may. and the doctors tell US that peo.
pie generally can have no good luck
at IT, The only thing to do when ar
appendix shows signs Of irregularlty
is to part company with It, and there
are physicians who nave suggested
The St. Joseph observer., 1917-02-17
JINGOEs WOULD HAVE WAR

The long suffering and patient
President Wilson stands for peace
hopes for peace-aud strives for
peace, notwithstanding he is subject
ed to the most terrific pressure from
those who want to plunge the United
States into war without waiting for
an overt act-but on the basis Of
what has already occurred.
Those from this section who have
not visited the east of late, and do
not read the lingo eastern papers,
have no idea of the militant spirit Of
the seaboard. or OF the scorn and
contempt in which President Wilson
is held because he persists in holding
out against the horrors OF war.
Just for example in the New York
papers Of Monday last appeared a
three-column advertisement signed
by DR.. Lyman Abbott. President Hib-
ben OF Princeton university, and 9TH
ers Of like eminence. That adver-
tisement declared: at is no longer a
question of whether there shall be
war with Germany. There Is war
with Germany" The government is
criticised for not waging war in con-
junction with the Allies. The ques-
tion is asked Of the American people:
"Will they stand aside while others
fight for them the battle OF human
liberty?" Readers are urged to tele-
graph the President and their oon-
gressmen urging formal recognition
OF the state of war already existing
between Germany and the United
States"
The New York Herald. under the
caption Cold Facts" prints a car
toon. Two little children, born In
America and killed at sea, are showr
dead under the Liberty Bell. On the
bell are wreaths labeled Beautiful
Sentiments" and "Flowery Words
The Herald declares that the only
difference between Bryan's "paciflsm'
) and Wilson's is that Bryan avows 4
and Wilson tries to hide 1t.
/ The New York Sun sneers daily IL
this fashion: "senator-elect Hale o
Maine lodged five shells near Ypres
r Americans are becoming highly ex
2 pert in lodging"
r From innumerable sources com
E these daily ana hourly efforts to in
p flame the public mind and to pusl
y the administration into war withou
y waiting for any further excuse.
= 1t is not only today that Woodrow
< Wilson is standing against this wa
a propaganda. For more than tw
Y years he has been obliged to resist Il
. For more than two years It has bee
! necessarily at work, extending an
The St. Joseph observer., 1917-02-17

A fellow who rejoices in the en-
phonious preudonym OF Clinton Rog-
ers Woodruff came all OF the way
from Philadelphia this week to tell
st. Joseph that a city manager (of
course at a high salary was all that
st. Joseph needed to make its cup Of
Joy overflow-and keep on spilling-
and he was also good and kind
enough to tell those who would listen
to him that It was not necessary to
have a st. Joseph man to do the Job
that this city could import a hired
man from some other place-and fur
ther that we did not need a mayor
only for the purpose Of delivering
welcoming addresses when we had a
convention, He talked some other
rot that no self respecting citizen OF
st. Joseph should listen to.
The St. Joseph observer., 1917-02-17

that 1t would be a sign of first rate
prudence and caution to divorce at
convenient opportunity. even a well
behaved eppendix not yet guilty Of
any authenticated offense.
But the appendicitis operation--it
is felt that this might be brought
within some we'll defined rule. 1t is
no fun for q man to go to the hos
pital and endure the pain and ex-
pense and danger to life of having a
perfectly sound appendix removed.
This is often the case. Doctors who
are determined to be frank tell us
that, and other doctors don't like
them for telling. A man dislikes, too,
to have any misrepresentation made
regarding his appendix. Sometimes
this uncomprehended and misunder-
stood little thing is slandered to justl-
fy the erroneous diagnosis of a sur
geon. Its owner cannot help resent
ing this-ir he finds it out, and some
times he finds it out.
The legislature is the favorlte place
this kind in common with grievances
of all kinds, to appeal to for relief,
but so far with but little result. The
South Dakota legislature is now
wrestling with bill requiring that
all appendices removed in operations
be sent to the state laboratory for ex-
animation. Then they would be re-
turned to their owners with certifi-
Gates of condition. In case an appen-
dix were found not to have been dis
eased, the owner would not have to
pay for the operation.
This is on the principle of mo cure,
no pay" The regulars" in the med
ical profession have left this slogan
to the "quacks." They would not
| like to come to 1t. Perhaps they
would let everybody die of appendi-
citis, peritonitis or any other kind of
bowel "itis' rather than submit to
such a rule. OF course a patient who
undergoes this operation expects to
pay for having damaged goods put
out of the way. It's hard to lose a
good appendix and good money at
the same time.
But there is also something that
can be said on the other side. A little
reflection must cause one to realize
how hard it must be for the shrewd-
est physician sometimes to tell what
is the matter with a sick man, whose
few or many strings OF "a harp of a
thousand strings" are out of tune. II
ought not to be wondered at that the
doctor is sometimes mistaken. And
If he were paid only when he was
right there's many good doctor who
would give much of the best skill he
has for nothing. We pay him for do
ing the best ne can, and we know
well enough that on a subject so mys
terious as ourselves we must make
generous allowance for the element Of
human fallibility.
The St. Joseph observer., 1917-02-17
The Works Swan Song

Senator Works of California. In his
swan song, complains Of a lot Of
things that the senate should do. He
has been there six years. but we no.
tice that he has introduced no bills
to correct the evils he speaks Of.
Public servants should do something
while they are in office. Do not wait
until your time Is out and tell what
should be done. Do like Governor
Gardner is endeavoring to do-help
the people while you can.-Ralls
County Record.
The St. Joseph observer., 1917-02-17
II Is On tho Doctor

That noted follower of the meek
and lowly Jesus. DR.. Quayle, says, ac-
cording to press dispatches, that, with
the right kind of man in the White
House. 1t would have been all over
with Germany ere this. He has been
praying for peace. too, no doubt, and
the prayers Of the righteous ayaileth
much. But Wilson remains In the
White House. Query, Is Wilson
awfuily bad or is the good doctor a
little shy on the qualifications afore-
msntiSnsdf Something wrong.-At-
Gibson County Mail.
The St. Joseph observer., 1917-02-17
Better Give Them the Cash

Representative Dubois, OF st. JOS
eph. wants $500 appropriated to
pay for medals to be presented to
each of the National Guardsmen who
saw service on the Mexican border.
Doubtless the men would appreciate
more highly cash donation, as bet
ter fitting their needs after returning
to civil life and contact with the high
cost Of living.-Memphis Democrat.
The St. Joseph observer., 1917-02-17
Mrs. Nick Stiu smokes

Mrs. Nicholas Longworth lost her
silver cigaret case a couple of days
ago and the newspapers have had
lot to say about 1t, but they miss the
point entirely. The incident simply
shows that the reports about Mrs.
Longworth having stopped smoking
oigarets are wicked and malicious
falseh sehoods.--Clinton County Demo-
crat.
The St. Joseph observer., 1917-02-17

DIR. Deiameter. the Kansas City i'm
port. The oouncilmen are about oon-
vinced Of the fact that there is a lit
tie too much slush dished out by this
foreign import vino came here be-
cause II appears that no st. Joseph
physician had sense or brains enough
to be able to handle st. Joseph's
health matters.
The St. Joseph observer., 1917-02-17
Almost All of the Nation

BY all means President Wilson
should give Teddy a gold sealed per-
NIT to join the army. He has been
wanting to fight for many years and
we would like to make a motion that
Terrible, Tempestuous. Teasing. Ty-
rsnical. Titanic Teddy be given gun
and a knapsack and put in the front
row of the balcony. Who will second
the motion MILAN Standard.
The St. Joseph observer., 1917-02-17

The paper makers who have been
bleeding the publishers for the past
year are getting scared--and have
started a lobby at Washington. If a
few of these malefactors are locked
up in Jail the price Of print paper
will AT once fall to normal figures
The St. Joseph observer., 1917-02-17
wall street is Disturbed

Wigwsgs of genuine distress are be-
ing sent out by the big financial pa
pers that speak for Wall street be-
cause congress is proposing to tax
excessive profits. A tax like that
would hit the munitions makers hard,
and would make melon-cuttins
among corporations extremely unin-
viting.-Kansas City Post.
The St. Joseph observer., 1917-02-17

1t is not wise to believe all of the
statements issued by the press at tho
present. 1t is q well known fact that
the press has In great measure lost
the reliability ana standing that IT
formerly held--for the ''yeliow Jour
nails" with their scare heads and lack
OF truth. have made the honest press
all but ridiculous.4
The St. Joseph observer., 1917-02-17
Might he Quite troublesome

1t is fortunate perhaps that the
army and navy general staffs have
planned a defensive war only against
Germany. The plan of war which
called for a parade down the Unter
den Linden is regarded as impractical
BILE even among countries closer to
that well known boulevard than is
the United States.-Kansas City
Times.
The St. Joseph observer., 1917-02-17
Then Teddy Gets Noisy

Every time the President takes
some strong or radical stand on ma
tionai or world questions certain
metropolitan newspapers follow with
the headline: ''T. r. Flays the Presi-
dent" That appears to be Teddy's
peculiar province, but no one thinks
1t worth while to flay T. r.. or to give
more than passing notice to what he
says on any subject.-Glasgow Mis-
sourian.
The St. Joseph observer., 1917-02-17

Senate bill No. 925 and House bill
No. 51e, which seek an opportunity
for the state board OF health to ore
ate a division OF child hygiene, should
be beaten. The measure is about as
senseless as could be drawn and is
simply for the purpose OF creating
new offices and new places for men
who want soft Jobs. II is a backward
step and instead Of being helpful to
the school child the practical results
will be hurttul. AS before stated. the
bill should be killed in the interests
OF public welfare.
The St. Joseph observer., 1917-02-17

SO far Teddy the noisy has not yet
received that commission as divls-
ion commander. Possibly had he
asked for the command of half
company there might have been a
forty-nine more men than he is cap
able of commanding.
The St. Joseph observer., 1917-02-17

To the shame of the newspaper fra
ternity it may be said that the leak
at Washington which caused so many
good men to be unjustly accused,
come through the greed of newspaper
correspondents who sold their honor
trusted advance Information TO brok-
honor
The St. Joseph observer., 1917-02-17
sat Down On tho Preacher

Rev. T. Hickman, Methodist minis
ter Of Carthage, protested against
reception planned for the military
company Sunday morning on its re-
turn from Joplin. Nevertheless, the
reception was held and Rev. Hickman
found only four men in his congrega-
tion. Then the preacher resigned in
q huff.-Henry County Democrat
The St. Joseph observer., 1917-02-17
WE ARE OUT OF MExICO.

WE ARE OUT OF MEAlNo'
Instead of punitive expedition"
into Mexico we are now out of Mex
leo, and Gen. Pershlng, who led our
troops across the border line, has
brought them back again we'll salts
fled with the records of his men and
with the reception with which his lit
lie army met with on its return.
The reception Of the expedition at
Columbus where it retraced its steps
ecross the border was one in which
the people Of the United States SYM
pathized and those at Columbus made
the reception a rousing one significant
OF the feeling of all of the people.
The little border town was crowded
with cowboys and ranchers who come
from a radius OF hundreds of miles.
There were cheering and band music
and flags and civilian reception COM
mittees, bouquets and speeches. Gen.
eral Porshing knew his troops had
acted i'm such a way as to make the
MeXicans like them and he was sure
the cordial greeting extended this side
Of the Rio Grande meant that the
American people approved Of what
has been done.
Then comes the letter Of the secre-
tary Of war to General Pershins in
which he says the accomplishment Of
securing the border against attack
and depreciation Of bandits has been
an object OF constant pride and pleas
ure to the department by reason Of
its high military efficiency. its vigor-
Gus and effective pursuit Of its object
and the restraint imposed by officers
and men upon themselves and their
consideration for the people Of Mex
ico."
Probably few candid men would
contend that the estimate OF the sec-
retary Of war is exaggerated. 1t Is
true that the military operations of
the expedition were Of an entirely
minor and incidental character What
it accomplished It accomplished by
its presence alone in a well chosen
strategical position. 1t is plain that
while the force was in Mexico the
bandit raids across the border, to
suppress which the expedition was
suppose that this was due as much to
the disposition of troops south Of the
border as north OF it The expedi.
tion commanded an extensive terri.
tory from which marauding excur.
siuns had been most frequent.
1t was fortunate that there was nc
fighting, and in one respect It may be
the expedition secured an advantage
that may be OF inestimable value II
our future dealings with the Mexican
people. This was the impression
which by its good behavior It produc
ed on the people OF Mexico who cam'
In contact with 1t. Surely these peo
far different from what their Owl
Jingoes had taught them they nigh
expect, Their persons and propert
were respected, and they GRATEFUL
received many suggestions in ways o
living the value OF which they hal
time to demonstrate under the eye
OF their tutors. In short the expedi
tion gave thousands Of Mexlcans a
opportunity to get acquainted wit
Americans ana to discover how wor
thy of respect they were.
The expedition did not affect tn
internecine strife in Mexico. It dl
not intervene. II one Of Villas oil
tects in making the raids was to caus
American Intervention and so unle
the Mexican people this purpose wa
frustrated by the adroit managemer
Of the U9its5d states troops and tn
Gsually cautious conduct Of the Ca
ranZistas.
The St. Joseph observer., 1917-02-17
WHY Not DO IL ANYHOW?

If Roosevelt continues his spiteful
war upon Woodrow Wilson, it
wouldn't surprise us, as rebuke If
for no other reason the Democrats
will nominate him for a third term
and elect him. too,-Booneville Ad-
vertiser.
The St. Joseph observer., 1917-02-17
Depends On How long II Ilyed

The widow Of Col, John Jacob A..
tor, he who went down in the Titanic,
has testified in court that $4,000 q
year is not enough to pay the sx-
penses Of bringing up the Astor baby.
Holy Maokereli II II costs 10000 a
year to rear a mere baby. what would
1t cost to bring up 3 millionaire's pet
poodle lsf-Ravenwood Gazette.
The St. Joseph observer., 1917-02-17
And the County Ia Dry

When Sheriff Runner took hold of
his office the first of January there
were six prisoners in Jail, and now
there are eleven, the growth being
attributable TO the arrest Of negro
bootleggers.-Ienry County Demo-
crat.
The St. Joseph observer., 1917-02-17

Teddy will still be factor in poll
tics. To prove that. notice with what
glee the friends of the big toothed
man hailed the defeat Of Hughes-for
they figure that 1t means Teddy
Teethodore will be a factor In 1920.
The St. Joseph observer., 1917-02-17

That promise of Japan to China Of
all sorts Of support if the Chlnks en-
ter into the war is a good one-from
the Jap point of view. As soon as
China enters into war tho Japs will
steal their country--as they have
been trying to do for years.
The St. Joseph observer., 1917-02-17
And But Few Blame Him

A Missouri guardsman committed
suicide rather than be sent back to
the Mexican border. AS between hell
and Mexico, he preferred the former,
and there are many who don't blame
him.-Boonevills Advertiser.
The St. Joseph observer., 1917-02-17
A Favorite Kansas City Game

Some Bates county suckers took
stock in a Kansas City blue-sky COM
pany which proposed to establish q
dairy and stock farm in Kansas City,
only to find that the company had
no real existence.-Butler Times.
The St. Joseph observer., 1917-02-17
When It Requires Real Courage

The bravest OF all men is he who Is
too proud to fight without a cause to
fight. 1t requires real courage to
stand upon dignity and let even trait
ers and scoundrels call you coward
Dade County Advocate.
The St. Joseph observer., 1917-02-17

President Wilson was officially
elected" Wednesday when the cleo
toral college met and cast up the
vote which gave Wilson PIT electoral
votes and Hughes 254.
The St. Joseph observer., 1917-02-17
VIII Need Additional Facilities

Representative Dow Howell, Of
Oregon county. has introduced a bill
in the legislature making 1t a peni-
tentiary oftense to bootleg whiskey.
There should be an amendment to
build an addition to the penitentiary.
Howell County Gazette.
The St. Joseph observer., 1917-02-17

Those republican legislators who
are opposing Gov. Gardners reform
legislation. are doing a great injury
to the imperial state OF Missouri,
wherein they live and prosper,
The St. Joseph observer., 1917-02-17
How About Last November

New Jersey will stand by the Pres
ident," says Governor Edge. Which
Is gratifying in this crisis. Consid-
ering New Jerseys action last Novem-
ber the President may have had his
doubts.-Kansas City Times.
The St. Joseph observer., 1917-02-17
No One Wants War

We do not see how war could help
the position OF this country or better
its legal rights. The best thing to do
is to keep our boys at home where
Union Star Herald.
The St. Joseph observer., 1917-02-17

An edict has gone forth that the
school boys OF Lawrence, Kss.. shall
not play marbles. That is a Kansas
prohibition that will not prohibit.
The St. Joseph observer., 1917-02-17
No Use for Such Waste

The state senate very wisely tabled
the resolution ordering 5000 copies
of Mr.. Bryan's speech on prohibition
printed. With the state already hsav-
lily In debt 1t would be folly to spend
the states money In such an unwar-
ranted manner.-Glasgow Missourian.
The St. Joseph observer., 1917-02-17

All honor to the city council who
have become convinced that there
are men in st. Joseph who have
sense and brains enough TO be able
to qualify for city jobs. instead Of
importing freaks and fellows who
want jobs-for what is in them.
The St. Joseph observer., 1917-02-17
And They Are RaisIng Plenty

II the people OF the United States
are allowed to raise hogs, hominy,
corn and wheat, how much more
profitable 1t would be than make
themselves targets TO be shot at
Memphis Democrat.
The St. Joseph observer., 1917-02-17
How's This For "Reform?"

Lincoln Institute. the state reform
school for girls, has twenty-six In
mates. and the state Is TO pay s2s, ,3os
for reforming them the coming
year.-Henry County Democrat.
The St. Joseph observer., 1917-02-17

How would 1t do to have Mayor
Marshall kept just as a figure head
to say the "glad words" to visiting
conventions. while a hired expert"
Cat so much per expert run the city
of st. Joseph?
The St. Joseph observer., 1917-02-17
Follow the idea, Governor

Gov Gardner has an excellent OPP
portunity OF disposing of the troops
of pie hunters camping on his trail
in jefferson City. Appoint them all
Colonels and send them to Germany.
Bonneville Advertiser.
The St. Joseph observer., 1917-02-17
Tell Us who He IL?

There is p state senator at Jeftsr-
son City whom It is claimed in his
home town followed a system Of
thievery for years and Is now enEag-
ed In helping make laws for the pso-
The St. Joseph observer., 1917-02-17
Has q Novel Commission

Our local postoffice has been au-
thorizea TO act as local recruiting
agent for the Novey g. Morine Corps.
One of our local doctors can make
Tribune.
The St. Joseph observer., 1917-02-17
With Teddy Astraddle the Moose

II We have to so to war with Ger
many We may see few new and
novel machines of war introduced,
among them our dear Teddy mounted
on Bull Moose charging at the head
of his Rough Riders.--Parnell Senti-
mel
The St. Joseph observer., 1917-02-17
Baker Is Taking the Time

Secretary Baker Is showing how Mr.
eryan's overnight army works. only
Mr., Baker Is taking several months
for it.-Kansas City Times.
The St. Joseph observer., 1917-02-17
And There Is One There

Watch for the "nigger In the wood
pile" in this recent good roads agita-
tion. We've been informed that he's
there.-Hopkins Journal.
The St. Joseph observer., 1917-02-17
That "Pcach Crop, Question

The present cold weather has saved
the peach crop. The pranks that the
gentle Italian climate had been play
ing with the dormant buds had begun
to look serious.---Howell County Ga
zette.
The St. Joseph observer., 1917-02-17

Cuba had Just as we'll keep its
clothes on. II 1t starts revolt the
United States will simply give that
island a good hard spanking.
The St. Joseph observer., 1917-02-17

About the only people who are not
now standing up for President Wilson
are the Socialists and William Jen-
nings Bryan.
The St. Joseph observer., 1917-02-17

OF course the News-Press Is In fav-
or of the city manager plan-which
would import" some new talent"
for st. Joseph.
The St. Joseph observer., 1917-02-17

The next time the Indians. the old
est Inhabitants. the beavers and tree
moss and cornhusks say mild winter
we will know just what to expect.
The St. Joseph observer., 1917-02-17

Carranza Is going to take the baths
at Hacienda. San Antonio. Now, II
villa will also wash up. matters might
be improved wonderfully.
The St. Joseph observer., 1917-02-17

makes the definite assertion that h, 5
will be elected speaker. And IL
Champ says so. it's a safe proposition
to bet on.-Henry County Democrat.
The St. Joseph observer., 1917-02-17

We are more fortunate than the
people Of Florida in one respect. Our
garden truck Is not far enough along
to be hurt by these freezes
The St. Joseph observer., 1917-02-17
And the Senator Is Right

Senator Tillman charsctcrizes the
presidents recent speech as the most
important utterance to fall from hu-
man lips since the sermon on the
mount.-Clinton County Gazette.
The St. Joseph observer., 1917-02-17

When q fellow denies that he was
a go between" Is that only another
way Of saying he was not on the in
sideY
The St. Joseph observer., 1917-02-17
As For Instance the

Smut in oats isn't half so serious
as smut in the paper read by boys
and girls,-Howell County Gazette.
The St. Joseph observer., 1917-02-17

The conversion Of the Farmers'
Anti-Horss Thief association into the
Farmers Anti-Auto Thief association
was a logical evolution.
The St. Joseph observer., 1917-02-17
They Are Few Hereabouts

We are told in the Good Book that
the Lord loves a cheerful givsr, but
We opine that He finds them in minus
quantities these days.-Ravenwood
Gazette.
The St. Joseph observer., 1917-02-17
is Not Exciting Enough

Why don't highwaymen make
money as respectable food specula-
tors ?--Booneville Advertiser.