Hopkinsville Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1889-1918, 1917-07-31

Truly oil the raving Is not done with
In the Padded Cells.
He came home In the Sabbath twi-
light, walking on his Ankles and bah
bling about Dandy Drive for the
Long Hole.
Regarding the other 87S Strokes he
was discreetly silent.
He told his Wife there was more In
II than one would suppose. The Eas-
Ter the Swat. the greater the Carry.
And he had made one Hole in seven.
Then he took ParasoI out Of the
Jar, and Illustrated the famous Long
Drive with Moving Pictures, Tableaux,
Delsarte. and some newly acquired
technical Drivel, which he mouthed
with childish Delight.
Now we see him buying Clubs, al
though he refers to them as Sticks
proving that he is stiIl a cropping Neo-
phyte.
He thinks that q shorter Shaft and
more Of a Lay-Back will enable him to
drive Mile. The Gooseneck Putter
will save him two on every Hole. Also,
will the Man please show him an Iron
guaranteed to reach all the way down
to the Dimple and PUNK 1t right In the
Eye.
Then all of the new Implements laid
out at Home and Wife sitting back,
listening to a Lecture as to what will
be pulled or on the succeeding Day
Of Rest.
She had promised at the Altar to
Love. Honor and Listen. Still, 1t was
trying to see the once-loved Adult ca
vorting on the verge of Dementia and
know that she was Helpless.
He sailed forth with those going to
Early Mass, and returned at the Yes
per Hour caked with Dust and ninety
eight per cent Locoed. .---.~.--s--
1t seems that at the sixth hole on the
Last ROUND where you cross the Crick
twice, he fell down and broke both
Arms and both Legs. SO he tore up
the Medal Score, give all the Clubs to
the Caddy, and, standing on the grass
Summit of the tall Ridge guarding the
Bunker, he had lifted a grimy Nit
and uttered the Vow of Remuneration.
In other words, he was Through.
The senile Wrecks and the prattllng
Juveniles, for whom the Game was In
vented, could have his Part of 1t for
all time.
Never again would he walk on the
Grass or cook his Arms or dribbIe Sand
all over the dark and trampled Ground
where countless Good Men had suffer
ed.
No, Tndeedl
SO next day he bought all the Para
phernalia known to the Trade, and his
name was put up at Club.
1t was one of those regular and sure
enough Clubs. High East Winds pre-
vailed In the Locker-Room. Every
Member was a Chick Evans when he
got back to the nineteenth hole.
Mr.. Pallzey now began to regard the
Ancient and Honorable Pastime as a
compendium of Sacraments, Ordeals,
lamentations, and Ceremonial Formali-
ties. -
He resigned himself into the Gus
tody of a professional Laddie with
large staring Knuckles and Dialect
that dimmed all the memories of Lau-
der.
In short time the Form was clas-
sy, hut the Score had to be taken out
and buried after EVERY Round.
Mr.. Pallzey saw that this Mundane
Existence was not all Pleasure. He
had found his Life-Work. The Lode
Star of his declining Years would be
an even one hundred for the eighteen
Flags.
Wife would see him out in the
Street, feeling his way along. totally
unmindful of his Whereabouts. She
would lead him into the Shade, snap
her Fingers, call his Name, and gradu-
ally pull him out Of the Trance.
He would look at her with a filmy
Gaze and smile family, as If partly re-
Numbering. and then say: "Don't for
get to follow through. Keep the head
downright with the left-no hunch-
on the hips. For a Cuppy
Lie take the Nib. II running up with
the Jigger. drop her dead. The full
st. Andrews should not be thrown in
to Putt. Never up, never In. Lift
the flag. Take a plck-out from Casual
Water but play the Koadways. To
overcome Slicing or Pulling, advance
the right or left Foot. Schlaffing and
Socketing may be avoided by adding a
hook with top-spin or vice versa.
The Man says there are twenty-six
Things to be remembered 70 Driving /
from the Tee. One Is Stance. I for: i,
get the other twenty-five"
Then the Partner Of his Joys and
Sorrows, with the account on the Deb
It Side, would shoot twenty Grains of
Aspirin into him and plant him In
the Flax.