davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-01-14
BOTHMER PLAYS JOKr

l BOIHMER PLAYS JOKE General Graf Bothmer who was fight ing !vanoffs Russians in east Galicia got rld or Archduchess Zita once and for all Archduke Karl Franz Josef came 10 the Strypa, and patted so many he roes on the sleeve that he lay in bed iron, exhaustion. Down came solicitous Zita when she had adequately nursed her h,,s- band, she made for the headuuarters stair, examined the plans, asked wbv the Austrians were not advancing ana began to stick pins in the maps She stuck the pins we'll in advance of the Austrian trenches.
 What is that?' said Bothmer. T expect our heroes will soon bA .d- vancing there" said Zita.
 This was too much for Bothmer. Ha took down a telephone receiver. pratenfad to get into communication with the di- Vlsional staff near the front, and began. | The archduchess thinks that you must move ahead" | Next morning when the archducbass came, Bothmer again took the telephone receiver "What!' he bawled "So you advanced as the archduchess ordered, A great vic- tory, you say? Her imperial highness will | be delighted"
 1 Archduchess zita looked up. An agree able smile spread over her face smile
 
 stuck more pins in the map, to show Bothmer where his troops should 20. Again Bothmer got report by telephone of great victory won through the arch duchess genius. Bothmer hoped this sa- tire would york; but the archduchess was too dense. Bothmer grew crusty. When Archduchess Zita next turned up, he spoke into the telephone. Badly de- feated; How terrible! All our men sur lrendered Archduchess Zita will deplore the failure of her plans" Archduchess I Zita made grim, tragic face and flew home to Vienna.
 OLD EMPEROR IGNORANT Zita's and Karl Franz Josefs deeds of daring-do were not known to old Kaiser Franz Josef. In the ola days, Kaiser Franz Josef cared little for his grand nephew. Latterly he had violent affec- tion for Karl Franz Josef and for Zita. To Franz Josef's dimming faculties, Zita I was hthe most brilliant woman on earth From Karl Franz Josef Emperor Franz Josef received reports on strategy. About strategy Karl Franz Josef understood lit- tie. but every week he faithfully sent his Kaiser long report with which Kaiser Franz Josef solemnly checked the staff 1 report Kaiser Franz Josef was badly deceived. No one told htp that his heir was the most brilliant woman on earth. I of Dolomite precipices while Bersaglieri fired at his legs. The pretense was kept 1 up that Karl Franz Josef was always 1 with the general staff, far out of reach of danger, or that he was in Vienna. or that he was honeymooning at Semmer- ling.
 When the Kaiser wanted to see his heir he sent to Vienna expected the heir to come at once. and he was much enraged when Karl Josef used to come two days'
The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-01-14
SEVEN

cer. "to be insured against wtAaing the Victoria Cross"
 The brokers gasped in amazement. Here was war-born something that was ut terly new and they demanded details.
 Its just this way" declared the officer. Recently won the D. s. O., and hope that before things are over I will win the Victoria Cross; I certainly shall try to do so, and possibly I will. But after winning the D. $. O., which I was quite proud to have done, I found that 1t is really a costly thing to do. I am not rich, in fact have but little money. But what with dinners and luncheons and drinks in celebration of my getting the D. g. O. it cost me much more than could possibly afford-about 450 in all, should say.
 Now, if I win the V. C., which, as say. I will try to do when I get back to France, will get leave and come to Eng land again Then there will have to be celebrations all over again, and sup pose it will cost me hundreds of pounds. Therefore, I wish to pay a certain prem ium, enough so that If I win the V. c. you will pay me G500. That sum ought 10 pay all celebrating expenses and leave something over"
 The insurance people carefully consid- cred the matter and finally decided that it couldn't be done, for the reason that they could reach no solid basis for esti- mating the risk of losing on the policy. The young British officer departed sor- rowful and with Loyds' bubble of fame pricked so far as he was concerned.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-01-14
FAT LESS MEAT
 F BACK HURTS
Take a Glass of Salts to Flush Kidneys if Bladder Both
 CTS. You

Eating meat regularly eventually pro- duces kidney trouble in some form or other, says a well known authority, be- cause the uric acid in meat excites the kidneys, they become overworked; get sluggish; clog up and cause all sorts of distress, particularly backache and mis- cry in the kidney region; rheumatic twinges, severe headaches, acid stom- ach, constipation, torpid liver, sleep- 1essness, bladder and urinary irritation.
 The moment your back hurts or kid- neys aren't acting right or if bladder bothers you, get about four ounces of lad Salts from any good pharmacy; take a tablespoonful in a glass of water before breakfast for a few days and your kidneys will then act fine. This famous salts is made from the acid of grapes and lemon juice, combined with lithia, and has been used for genera tions to flush clogged kidneys and stimulate them to normal activity; also to neutralize the acids in the urine so it no longer irritates. thus ending bladder disorders.
 lad Salts cannot injure anyone; i; makes a delightful effervescent lithia- water drink which millions of men and women take now and then to keep the kidneys and urinary organs clean. thus avoiding serious kidney disease-Adv.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-01-14
BRITISH OFFICER
 INSURES HIMSELF
 AGAINST THE V. |.
If He Won Coveted Medal of Bravery He Wanted
 LlOyds to Pay Cele- bratiOn Expenses

London, December A.-A perturbed young man in the uniform of an officer, wearing on his breast the bi-colored rib bon which indicated that he had Won the distinguished service order. one of the highest military decorations within the gift of the King. entered the offices of an insurance broker attached to Lloyds, the famous insurance mart. At Lloyds they insure you against anything, from fire and Zeppelin attacks to influenza and the measles, even German measles. Lloyds are most famous for that sort of thing and it Is seldom that they fail to figure out some way of insuring against loss on anything under the sun. This time, however, Lloyds was beaten.
 T want" said the young British off,
The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-01-14

impossible, for there seemed to be many years ahead of the Archduke Francis Ferdinand, who would have come to the thorne, but was assassi- mated. So Karl Franz Josef, before the war an obscure and comparatively un- known prince, who had been more or less hidden away in the army, is the head of the state.
 . Karl Franz Josef wants to bea another Kaiser Wilhelm He wants to De uni versal heroic and amusing to his peo- pie and to the world. His wife. who before becoming Empress, was the Archduchess Zita, makes the Emperor want it. For long zita had resented the wall of such as the poet Grillparzer, who said that Austria, land of scrap nationalities, never produced per- sonality. She planned, and doubtless still plans, that her Emperor shall be personality, the first personality of the land, in fact.
 IS NATIONAL HERO
 If you talk to the soldiers, read the Vienna Neue Freie Presse, or test in any other way Austria's national pulse you will find that now the national hero is Karl Franz Josef. a position he attained even before he succeeded to the throne. It is Zita's doing. Arch duchess Zita, as she was, plus war, plus a certain amount of bonhomie has turned the good-looking, unimagina- tive Karl into a personality" Zita reaps the praise.
 Until he passed through two trials, war and matrimony, Archduke Karl Franz Josef interested no one. He was typical Hapsburg prince with small talents for most things, and consid- erable talent for idling. He became an luxorious husband. RAfnrA the war his husbandliness was Nienna's joke. Karl Franz Josef could not live without thin waisted Zita for many days. When he returned from hunting excursions in Styria or Konopischt to Zita's arms, the pair used to flee on new honey moon trips to the Semmering, Vienna's second-rate lovers haunt You would think they were not married," said cynical Vienna. A year beforeethe war Kaiser Wilhelm made a trip to Sem- mering; talked politics, drew sketches and questioned peasants about folk
The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-01-14

got a reply patted the man affection ately on the arm as if he were patting zita. This pat on the army won Karl Franz Josef more devotion than would a valuable gift.
 GIFT OF INVENTIVENESS Karl Franz Josef has the imperial gift of inventiveness. In one morning he can question a thousand soldiers and never repeat the same question.
 Karl Franz Josef has his escapes, and Zita, though she trembles in her shoes. approves of them. When Karl Franz Josef is counseled not to go to particular place. because it's doubly dangerous, he goes straight there, and next day you see it written in the Vienna "Zeit"
 One of Karl Franz Josef's great war exploits was at Monte Piano. Monte Piano is in the east Dolomites. near the
 Italian frontier. It is flat topped hill
 with steep sides, and for six months ltaly's Bersaglieri tried to take it from Austria's Jaegers. When Karl Franz Josef got to the top, Austrian Jaegers were being let down by ropes, and Italian Bersaglieri were peppering them from
 beneath. Karl Franz Josef insisted on
 being let down by rope, too. A moving picture man was on the spot in the best style of Kaiser Wilhelm-and now Vienna showed moving pictures of Karl Franz Josef on a rope between two sol | diers, the soldiers having sadly fright ened faces, while Karl Franz Josef had boyish smile In the Dolomites Karl Franz Josef climbed the Roda Croce. and l other difficult spots, and the moving pic- ture man, hired by ambitious Zita. went with him.
 SPURRED HIM ON Archduchess zita saw that Karl Franz Josef busted himself in big military af- | falrs, and, in fact, whenever there was
 council of war, Karl Franz Josef al- ways attended 'in order to prepare him.
 self for higher commands, said the gen eral staff report. Zita convinced Karl Franz Josef that he did all the work. 1 Austrla's higher generals, with the ex- lception of Staff Chief Conrad Von Ioet
 zendorff, did not relish youthful Karl
 Franz Josef's zeal and especially crusty
 was old Archduke Frederick, nominal l commander-in-chief. Frederick Insisted
 on taking all the credit for successes, | which were planned by the brilliant Con-
 rad; and when Conrad's plans failed
 through Frederick's blunders in execl1t-
 ing them, then all the blame went to
 Conrad
 l lndefatigable Zita kept her eyes on all. 1 Aware that Karl Franz Josef's natural
 sln was laziness, she stirred him up with her presence once a month. Archduchess
 Alta's monthly visits made the great gen.
 eral staff fume, but the staff found if
 nard to get rid of her. In vain the gen.
 erals said 1t was dangerous. Artful Zita
 said that the staff was 50 miles from the l front, and that no danger was possible.
 Liars say that Conrad Won Hoetzendorff.
 who is loved by soldiers for his buffoon-
 cry and called "The Amiable Hangman. D
 arranged an explosion near a stafr tent.
 merely for the joy of saying farewell to ! ineradicable Zita.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-01-14
Doctor Tells How To Strengthen Eyesight SO Per Cent In One
 Weeks Time Ln Many Instances

getting glasses. Eye troubles of many descriptions may be wonderfully bene- fitted by following the simple rules Here is the prescription: Go to any active drug store and get a bottle of tablet in a fourth of a glass of water and allow to dissolve. With this liquid bathe the eyes two to four times daily. You should notice your eyes clear up perceptibly right from the start and in flammation will quickly disappear. If your eyes are bothering you, even a little, take steps to save them now be- fore it Is too late. Many hopelessly blind might have been saved If they had cared for their eyes in time
 Note: Another prominent Physician to whom the above article submitted. sad Bon -Opto is very remarkable remedy Its constituent ingredients we'll known to eminent specialists and widely prescribed by them The manufacturers guarantee 1t to strength sn eyesight 50 per cent in one weeks time in many instances refund the money. It can be obtained from any good druggist and is one of the very few preparations feel should be kept hand for regular in almost every family" It is sold in Brmins- ham by Golfers Drug Store and other druggists.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-01-14

songs He spoiled Zita Ambition en- tered her small head. She reflected that mediocre Karl Franz Josef would some day, a far distant one, perhaps, be Austrias Kaiser, and she decided that Kaiser Wilhelm was the model of what Karl Franz Josef must be.
 LOVES HIS WIFE
 Karl being tremendously in love, believes that in addition to being the worlds handsomest woman, Arch duchess Zita is also the cleverest. Zita is not regarded as at all clever. But she had ambition. and ambition impelled her to make Karl Franz Josef personality and a worthy heir At first Karl Franz Josef felt that he could not shine. Soon he changed Zita told him he was clever; and as he knew that Zita was right, and that he was clever. Zita is an indifferent ly educated young woman, but she achieved the miracle of making Karl Franz Josef take himself seriously. She made out that he had the makings of a soldier and could play the part which Archduke Charles played against Napoleon. And when she discovered that he could draw straight lines and put together rhymes she convinced him that he was a budding Rem brandt.
 Just before war broke out Karl Franz Josef was beginning to take himself seriously. He was taking les sons in statecraft and sociology from Professor Lind: and somebody else was teaching him how to draw. The war gave him a chance to shine as war rior Over all the three fronts which Austria fights on. from the Italian Isonzo to the Strypa in east Galicfa, you could meet Archduke Karl Franz Josef. His model. Kaiser Wilhelm, sell dom went under fire. but Karl Franz Josef was under fire all day. Followed by lame adjutant named Hillier, who lost fingers at Lemberg, Karl Franz Josef went into every trench; shared the soldiers dangers, and. what is much nastier. shared their food.
 If the foe was shooting Karl Franz Josef crouched in a dugout; and when the foe ceased he tramped along the trench, speaking to every man, asked every man a question and when he
The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-01-14
Du tapfer Held.
 Sterbender Soldat.... Fur Gott und Kaiserreich...
And other things Homeric and every-d day.

And other things Homeric and everyday.
 IS TASTEFUL
 Being a bashful man, Emperor Karl Josef shows these blushfully to grizzled generals, and these honest men, who never made a rhyme in their lives truth fully praise the heir as a new Schiller. Karl Franz Josef's sketches have an older history. Tn 1914, in spring, there appeared lin Vienna's water color and designs ex- hibition, four unsigned drawing of A Lady of Position" Nobody suspected they were Karl Franz Josefs, and, as the likeness was bad, no one suspected the lady of position was Archduchess Zita Tn secret Karl Franz Josef hao been sketching his wife. Innocent news paper critics said the drawings were bad, but this did not offend Karl Franz Josef. Zita encouraged him to persevere. Now he draws wounded men, shell caissons with smashed wheels, and wild charges by Honved horsemen. Ambitious Arch duchess Zita vows she never saw their like.
 As a speechmaker Karl Franz Josef also shines After the battle of Gorlice-Iar- now, which the Austrians and Germans won he made speech to Archduke Jo- sef's troops, likened them to Caesars le- gionaries, and promised every man dou- ble portion of pork. The soldiers ap-
 
 the pork.
 GREAT RULER
 Karl Franz Josef will undoubtedly make a great Kaiser His advantage is that he has none of the qualifications or greatness He is not well educated, he IS somewhat slow, lie is not very dfgnified. He has nothing to show but handsome face, and a happy grin. His asset IS Archduchess Zita, her ambitions, her res olution, her guile. Zita is not clever enough to doubt her ability to turn Karl Franz Josef into a Napoleon. Karl Franz Josef thinks that Zita is the cleverest woman on earth, and as such clever woman tells him he Is clever he. too, must be clever. Thus the lack of clever ness in both Zita and Archduke Karl Franz Josef, and they probably will. for he will see no more front-line trenches, and if the entente armies spare the ram shacl1le empire, Austria will be reigned over by a great monarch.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-01-14

late. He never suspected that Karl Franz Josef had been hundreds of miles from Schonbrunn risking his precious life in order to fulfil Archduchess Zita's ambition that he shall be an all-round genius.
 FLIES IN AIRPLANE
 Emperor Karl Franz Josef has been up in an airplane. He has been down the Danube on the new monitor Loewe. under Servian fire and he sat in Goritza while taihmtaihmtaihmtaihm while Cadorna's gunners were raining down eight-inch shells When he tired of this, he talked to newspaper men, or made sketches or wrote verse. Zita takes an interest in folk songs; she borrowed the interest from Kaiser Wilhelm; and she professes to hate anaenic, academic, aesthetic art and to love the rugged and bold. She collects ballads which commemorate soldiers bravery. and Karl Franz Joseph has marvellous facility in finding rhymes, the only talent really wanted by a poet. Especially, if he is an archduke. Karl Franz Josefs notebooks are full of verses and versiclets beginning:
 Du tapfer Held.
 Sterbender Soldat....
 Fur Gott und Kaiserreich...
The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-01-14
A Free Prescription You Can Ha
 Filled and Use at Home

A Free Prescription You Can Have
 Filled and Use at Home
 Philadelphia, Pa. Do you wear glasses? Are you a victim of eye strain or other eye weaknesses? If so, you will be glad to know that according to Dr. Lewis there is real hope for you. Many whose eyes were failing say they had their eyes restored through the princinle of this wonderful free prescription. One blind; could not see to read at all. Now can read everything without any glasses and my eyes do not water any more. At night they would pain dread fullys now they feel fine all the time. It was like miracle to me-" A lady who used it sayc. 'The atmosphere seemed hazy with or without glasses, but after using this prescription for fifteen days everything seems clear. l can even read fine print without glasses" It is be- lieved that thousands who wear glasses can now discard them in a reasana ble time and multitudes more will be able to strengthen their eyes so as to be spared the trouble and expense of ever
The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-01-14
The Plain People

From the Washington Star
 T put my faith in the wisdom or the plain people" said the statesman.
 "'Yes," replied Senator Sorghum The wisdom of the plain people is all right. The only thing I fear is that some of chem are getting so that they know too much"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-01-14
No Danger

From Ilife.
 Fond Father-My son is taking alge- bra under you this term, is he not?
 High School Teacher-He has been ex- posed to algebra, but doubt if he will take 1t.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-01-14
PEN PICTURES OF SCENES BEHIND LINESIN PICARDY
 DRAWN BY ENGLISHMAN

mind sees the unwavering line of the al- lied troops, the youth of England and France which stands, a barrier of steel, from Switzerland to the sea. It thinks of that ceaseless vigil of more than two years. Day and night. in summer and in winter, in heat and in cold, stands that everwatchful, sentinel line and we know that the frontier of civilization is safe in it's care.
 Tt is admirable said an aged farmer to me pausing momentarily in the toll which never ceases, even in this, the chamber of war, and shading his eyes with his hand to watch long col umn of British troops as it wound across his native plains. With French facility, he expressed much in few words. Admi- ration and confidence toward "PArmec Britannique" are sincere and profound among these toilers behind the fighting line. The peasantry have seen the Ger mans here; they speak of that sudden incurson in 1914, and of their flight. The Prussian is still in Picardy; but invader and trespasser that he is, his days there are numbered.
 Never shall I forget the patient spirit and unfailing courtesy of these peasants living and working so near the battle line. Veterans of 1870 take the places of the young men who have gone; the poilu, home on short permlsslon tolls on the land. The women, too, are wonderful One ancient dame I knew, her four stall wart sons were with the armies-one alas, will return no more-her husband (aE old soldier of 1870) was helpless in- valid, and she carried on the work of her farm, her fields nightly lighted up by the ghostly glare of the star shells, her cot tage shaken by the thunder of the guns. She truly represented the heroic, long suffering spirit of her country. And there are thousands such as she.
 So life goes in war time in these vil- lage studded undulating plains.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-01-14
NeW Emperor of Austria OWes Much of Popularity
 70 Urgings of His Wife
Empress Zita Spured on Her Husband While Crown Prince and Made Him Believe in Him self, and Encouraged Him in Army Ac-
 tivities-Wi Make Great Ruler
By A. K. HARVESTER

Vienna, January 2.--Karl Franz Josef is Emperor, The venerable Franz Josef could not outlast the war, as was his devout wish, and his nephew suc- ceeds him. The Archduchess Zita, the youthful Karl's youthful spouse, is Empress. Three years ago this seemed
The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-01-14
Do You Get Up With a Lame Back? Have You Rheumatism, Kidney, Liver or Bladder
 Trouble?

Pain or dull ache in the back Is often evidence of kidney trouble It is Nat ure's timely warning to show you that the track of health is not clear.
 Danger Signals
 If these danger signals are unheeded more serious results may be expected; kidney trouble in its worst form may steal upon you.
 Thousands of people have testified that the mild and immediate effect of Swamp Root, the great kidney. liver and bladder remedy, is soon realized that it stands the highest for its re- markable curative effect in the most distressing cases. If you need a medi- cine, you should have the best
 Lame Back
 Lame back is only one of the many symptoms of kidney trouble. Other symptoms showing that you may need Swamp-Root are, being subject to em-