South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1917-04-29
Some Splash.
Taft, offering his services,
Says he knows how TO swim;
How he'd agitate the ocean
If a sub got after him!

How he'd agitate the ocean
If sub got after him.
Patriotism is running riot in Mish-
awake. When the orchestra at the
Lincoln theater played Annie
Laurie the other night several peO-
pie rose to their feet!
One thing is sure. If there is any
thing in the theory of justice, the
able-bodied man who neither enlists
nor works is not entitled to eat. A
nation made up Of such persons
would go to hell in a jiffy either in
war or peace.
What England and France ought
to do is send corps of women to
America to show the idle class here
how to serve their country in time
Of war.
War has many terrors. 1t has
launched "a fearful blow in some
parts of the country where patriots
must pay 10 cents a glass for beer.
and we can fancy them chanting
this anthem: The melancholy days
are come, the saddest of the year; it
is a little too warm for whisky and
they are charging a dime for beer.
Bacon keeps soaring. The time
may come very soon when some
man will begin a yarn by saying:
"Once upon a time az our house in
Mishawaka we sat down to a nice
breakfast consisting of bacon"-and
then some one will hit him and put
him in an Ananias club.
There is no way to suppress the
short skirt or diaphonous bathing
suit but one. and il would never do
in the world to deliberately put out
the eyes of the men.
They tell us that the voluntary en-
| listments in the regular army have
speeded up TO 1900 a day in this
country. That means by the first of
/ January, 1918. the regular estab-
/ lishment will have obtained 25S.OOO
men. rs that the way to fight Ger
many?
Don't pull any fruit, vegetable,
animal or fowl too soon. Just let it
grow. If you don't, the dinner bell
will be so muffled next winter that a
great many people may not be able
to hear il at all.
AS we understand it the differ
ence between a retreat and a
strategic retirement is this: In a
retreat. your face is set in the di-
I rectiOn of your movement, whereas
in a strategic retirement you back
away In the days when We were
young we executed many strategic
retirements in order 10 keep the
hickory from further contact with
that part Of our anatomy that had
suffered appalling reverses in the
crisis of the conflict.
a lucent loaf is threatened. 1t is
we'll enough TO think upon these
things as YOU go along. The pres
ence of the lucent loaf ought tC
discourage the presence everywhere
OF the 1O-cent Ioafer.
A Chicago man who got married
two weeks ago 10 dodge military ser
vice appeared in the recruiting office
shortly afterwards With a black eye
and a knot on his bean and enlist
ed He wants 70 go 10 the trenche:
in France where the lighting is not
so hard.
You can't impress the world By
your singing My Country It's OF
Thee" if YOU go right down 10 youl
b place Of business and sell things II
ounces TO the pound.
II every housewife in the country
will just remember that the II. g. ot
L. has about cut her husband wage.
. half. purchasing power considered
she will understand why he get,
. wiId-eyed occasionally and accumu-
= lates a few crows feet on his map
/ Chicago reports that the manipE-