The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-02-13
MEN, WOMEN
 AND THINGS

Bob Taylor and Sam Jones as end men. SO here 1t is:
 Bob Taylor was governor when I lived in Nashville. One night Sam Jones was to lecture and Bob, who was to intro duce him, asked me to dine with him and sit on the platform to keep him com pany I did so. We got to the taber- nacle before Sam arrived. There were thousands out to hear the great evangel- ist, who was always a Nashville favorite. q first heard him in his great tent meet ing, which gave him his first national fame. was then a student at Wander bilt). In few minutes in lounged Sam and after greeting us both, Bob said; Sam, have you got new joker" Sure" said Sam. ain't I just from Georgia" :" Have you got one, Bob?" asked Sam. Yes replied the governor.
 Then let's tell them to Frank and let him say which one is best"
 Putting me in the center while the gerat crowd awited, I here for the first time in print give their stories. Sam opened by saying:
 "A fellow down in Georgia had been coming home soused every night for a month to find his wife sitting up for him. Her patience never waned for the 30 days. but when she found out that he was going in for a new record and starting out on another month. her temper got the best of her. Hearing him ring she Al. G. to let you in, not because I care any, thing about you, but you've got my cu- riosity aroused. I just want to know what new lie you have invented Strengthening himself and holding firmly to the banister, with great emotion he answered.: My dear, have told you un- truths, but tonight I'll tell you the Gods truth, if you want to know 1t. What is it?' she snapped
 ''Darling,' said he, a man who has get satisfaction unless he sees her dou- ble.'" Can you beat it? It did the work. and Sam says she took him and put him to bed and kissed him good night.
 
 Here Is the one Bob told: Some enter prising South American had brought hum dreds of parrots to the centennial and sure enough talking bird. Bob located the old parrot joke in Nashville. A joke may have come out of the ark. but when told by Bob it became new. Saio he: An old woman living on the out skirts of the city had a parrot trained to call, Customer. This gave her a chance to sit in a room adjoining the store and do her sewing. One day in a negro, wearing a hat. The par rot spied him and said: Take off your hat The old negro jerked 1t off and stuck it in his pocket and seeing no one went to the door and, looking up and down the street, pulled it out, stuck it on the back of his head and re-en- tered. Polly once more spied him and shrilled down from his perch above the door. Take off your hat Quick as a flash off 1t came. This time the puzzled old darkey, hat in hand, looked up and spied polly. Very humbly he made apol- ogy by saying. Excuse me. mister, thought you was a bird.'" Old stories, you say. If you could have heard the two greatest story tellers of the age tell them you would have done just what l did, nearly killed yourself laughing. To whom did I give the palm? I'll let you choose for yourself.
 I can't close without one more. I was living in the home of one of the south's most eloquent preachers Dr. J. B. flaw thorne. His wife bought parrot. It soon became a pet. She thought the world of it. Doctor had to go to Florida for his health. She wanted to accom- pany him, but didn't want to leave polly with her son Charley. At last after giv- ing him many directions and making him promise to take the parrot to a bird doc tor, if he got sick, she reluctantly left
 Soon the bird lost his appetite and he went to the doctor and spent a week, but without mending. One night after dinner in strolled Charley with the sick bird. Around the table we discussed his case. had no remedy to suggest. Finally Charley looked at me and said, Frank, know what that bird wants, I've had the same feeling. He craves a drink" No sooner said than done. Pouring out a teaspoonful of brandy, he poured it down polly's throat
 You may think you have seen some drunken fellows who acted foolishly, but if you had watched the antics of that rum-soused parrot as he paraded up and down the table, with tangled legs and silly efforts to keep from falling, all the while cooking his head on one side, bab- bling his silly parrot talk. I believe you would have said it was enough to make the veriest dipsomaniac voluntarily sign a pledge. After little he fell on his back. turned up his bird toes and died the death of a drunkard.
 My, but it was funny while it was going on, but the tragic end brought Charley sharply to the fact that he would have to be able to face his sorrowing mother with dead pet. He appealed to me for help. How could refuse? When Mrs. Hawthorne returned, Charley told of taking the bird to the doctor, etc. He then gave me the wink. It was up to me to save him. Mrs. Hawthorne" said I, Charley did his best for polly. If it will be any comfort for you to know, want to say that I Mas at polly's death