The Washington herald., 1917-11-13

New York. Nov. 12-He was a big
hulk OF a man, who looked like he
might have been around the Horn
several times on windjsnmers. His
muscles stood out like whipcords. He
numbered into a recruiting Office on
Forty-second street.
amt been done" he told the recruit
ing sergeant. 81 been haven dent
lists work on me stiddy for the las
three months and I'm seekin' war
as a remedy. / had five teeth Jerked.
more crowns put in than there will
be in Yurrup after the frolic, and
enough bridges to so across the Eng
lish Channel"
The sergeant smiled a yes-yes-go-on.
r-story-interests-me smile. And
the applicant continued: L jus fin
ished up las night, havin' three alb
scesses jabbed, and when the doc
gets through with them, / says to
myself, that there amt any more pain
in the world left. and that fate. as
| the poet guy says, can't harm me
none at all now, since she has already
, done her derndest So / want to go
to the trenches and show them
| Frenchmen how an American can
stand sufferin'."
The recruiting sergeant decided that
John still had enough teeth to get
| by with trench menus, and as John
| Jones-that was his real name-af-
| fixed his signature TO the blank, he
! added his last philosophical epiCram
It's just like the man says in the
Bible, sergeant. Remember where il
says. How sharper than a serpent's s
child il is to have a thsnkless
/ tooth?'"
There is Hew York man who does
not add an n" to his idea" nor
/ calls it "Niew Yaw-wk." nor use the
word ''camoufiage" at every oppor-
tunity. nor calls Mr.. Stone Fred
nor aspires to the aviation service.
nor who knows when the war is 60
ing to be over. He passed on last
week.
A little fruit peddler was in Domes-
tic Relations Court the other day, and
stated that his wife had three kinds
OF dispositions, and was always CROP
ing for more. He said frankly he
could not live with her.
While OF a happy nature, he said,
she was entirely unreliable in econ
omy, and would rather spend so for
a hat than s.. At this there arose
about the court room a groan of
| communal sympathy, and the ped
/ dler, noticing he was gaining ground,
/ became more explicit.
Judge, it's Just that. She trusts
! too much to luck for things TO come
out right" he said.
Give an example of what you
mean," said the judge.
Well, the other night I came home
and found her tryin' to drive a nail
with a banana. That amt the kind
of women it is safe to leave your
money with"
Here is a fellow who has a lively
occupation playing corpses. A theat-
rical manager received the following
card from him: At liberty Novem-
ber l5. J. Ellis Kirkham. Dead
bodies. p. s.-Alwsys pays commits
sions.
Three soldiers dropped into the
Knickerbocker grill for a bite. The
orchestra struck up It's a Long Way
to Berlin. But Well Get There" Ev-
/ erybody looked at the soldiers. They
were privates. Then the dancers
moved OF on TO the floor. The pri-
Yates were just three boys reporting
to camp from far-away little towns.
Three elegantly-dressed women went
over and asked IL they did not want
to dance. They did. One woman is
the wife of one of the richest men in
New York. The other two were cele-
brated debutantees. 1t was their way
Of making life little BIT brighter for
the men who are giving their all for
them. And every diner applauded-
and Just a few of them brushed away