The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1917-09-13

necessary to make OF oneself. II one
would please. a neutral background
which brings out the high lights Of the
projections of other people.
No conceited person, no bumptious
one, no one enamcured of his or her
own opinion. and determined to ram
it down the threats of others. was
ever a charmer. You have TO put the
soft pedal down. good and hard. on
your own ego TO qualify in the fascina-
tor class.
The first quality OF the charmer.
then. is unselfshness-to be willing to
let someone else have the center OF
the stage and monopolize the spot
light. II YOU can make people feel
that you appreciate them, that you
have the discerning eye that perceives
how good looking and intelligent and
generally admirable they are, they
will never be able to get enough of
your society. There are more people
In the world starving for appreciation
than there are starving for bread, and
as long as you feed them on this they
will eat out of your hand.
Study the people with whom you
come in contact. Find out what is the
one little thing that each one thinks
that he or she does best-the secret
little pet vanity that every man and
woman alive possesses-and play upon
this as upon harp with a thousand
strings, and you shall never lack for
auditors who give you the glad hand.
The second quality of the charm
er is sympathy. Be all things to
all men and women. Weep with
those who weep. and rejoice with
those who rejoice. And do this not
hypocritically. but sincerely.
Keep your own heart so in touch
with the great throbbing heart Of
humanity that you are interested in
everything that happens 70 your fell
low creatures. and you really share
in their happiness and SORROWS.
Sympathy is the most powerful
magnet in the world. We are all
drawn to the individual to whom
we instinctively turn with the tale
of our misfortune or the story OF
our success. The average man and
woman are not strong enough to be
self-sufficient. They must have an
auditor. somebody to whom they
must bleat out their woes or boast
of their victories.
This is why there is no other
charmer who charms so universally
as she who makes of herself a tear
jug into which the weeps OF the
unhappy may pour themselves with
out stint; who can listen with glow
ing and marveling eyes while self
made men tell her how they did
it, and doting mammas sing the
sagas OF their wonderful offspring.
The third quality of the charmer
consists in keeping off the grass
of other peoples little prejudices
and feelings. The born charmer pos
sesses a sixth sense, that we call in
tuition, which enables him or her
to do this instinctively. He or she
can tell before a thing is said or
done whether it is going to be
agreeable or offensive to others.
Lacking this subtle sense of the
born charmer, the girl who desires to
please must substitute for it intel
ligence. She must feel her way in
conversation as carefully as a marin
er does along an uncharted and reef
strewn coast. She must deny ber-
self the sacred joy of argument, and
humorous, whose point turns either
upon race or religion.
Furthermore, she must take the
lIOuDio " iliiu OUT dDOul ptOplS 81
that she may not make the mistake
of discussing matrimonial infelicity
with divorces, nor penal institutions
with those who have sons and broth
ers doing time. There is really no
more excuse for anybody trampling
our prejudicies and hobbies and opin-
ions into a pulp than there is for one
to fall over our feet in a drawing
room.
Such Doors and blunderers are
rightly relegated to the outskirts of
society. No young girl can do more
to advance her own interests than
to learn how to pick her way daintily
through the mazes of other peoples
personalities and II the average
young woman would put as much
time and thought on learning to do
that as she does in learning the new
est steps in the fox trot, she would
not have to sigh for the arts of the
charmer. She would possess the most
potent art of all. the art of being an
agreeable companion.
AS sfor my correspondents second
question-how can she become an in
teresting conversationalist that's