Hopkinsville Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1889-1918, 1917-01-09
FARMER SMITHS
BITTER LESSON
Christmas Mall Order Ship
ment Proves Nightmare.
BARGAINS" ARE A DELUSION

| More Wonder Book stuff.
Copyrighted. 1914 by Thomas }. sunivan.J
Experience is the name tDen give
their fOllies and their sorrOws. IN Is
the successive disencbantment Of the
things Of life.
II Is reason enriched by the spoils OF
the heart. At least that Is Smiths IN
terpretation of experience
Disasreeabie Brand Of Wetness.
One December II happened that the
weather man seemed to conspire with
the mail order man He turned out
disagreeable brand OF wetness that Ill.
ed the farmers with n dlStaste for the
open road" that David t;raySOn 50
enthusiastically praises in all seasons
But all farmers are not optimistic
like David
| Farmer Smith liked the comfort OF
his sheltered home. SO he naturally
was attracted by an invitation from
the mail order house TO sit down Nv
: an easy chair before the fire and select
his Christmas supplies from the pages
1 by the r. f D. man.
J Wonder Book Solves Problem.
The idea seemed mighty attractive
and comfortable. He thought he might
as well experiment once anyway.
/ So he and his wife had nice time
= filling out the yellow order slip accord
ing to their needs and revenue.
Then they sent it on its way TO the
firm which promised them thrilling bar
gains in all lines of merchandise from
pins TO palaces.
The Smiths had made one trip TO
town The day had been characterized
by haste. hunger and worry. They
hadn't had time to buy what they
wanted.
SO the catalogue seemed to solve the
problem for them. II seemed as If Il
were going to save them lots of time.
energy. money and brain flag.
Shipment Arrives.
L II was beautiful pre-Christmas
dream made up in four measures OF
comfort, confidence. curiosity and hope
The awakening came afterward. like
wise the disillusionment.
Their shipment arrived two days be
fore Christmas This was very reas-
surfing. But 1t necessitated speciai
drive OF nine miles to the nearest ex-
press office.
The C. o. d. express charges were
unexpectedly high. The first intima
ton of a mistake came with the real
ization that the express charges ex
ceeded the difference In price between
home store and catalogue house arti-
cles.
Traffic had been congested and the
passage rongh. Damage was visible
Smith hoped It wasn't serious, but he
took his stun home with unpleasant
forebodings. and that night when the
family was asleep he and his wife
opened the package In the kitchen.
Caused Smith 70 Swear.
There was lot OF excelsior TO un.
pack. but when the work was done and
the contents stood revealed there was
verbal fireworks display on the part Of
Smith. who forgot for the moment that
he was a deacon In the church, and
Mrs. Smiths tears were bitter.
The parlor lamp was scream. Its
embellishments were livid enough to
light colOred Baptist church without
the aid OF acetylene.
The handcraft Battenberg looked as
" II had been made on a sweatshop
machine intended for overalls. The
guaranteed pure wool overcoat ussur-
ed them at n glance how thoroughly
they had been feeced- r~
Passing up the balance or the -,ai-
legged bargains" the baby's stacking
was the piece de resistance OF their
Christmas feast II was tarlatan az =,
fair. decorated with green and red
yarn tassels and fllIed with junk that
represented the discard OF a one cent
novelty stock and exuded suggestions
OF bacteria from top to toe. -
Do shopping at Home.
The stocking was the hnal straw.
Next morning Smith hltched up OLD
Bess. and he and his wife plodded 10
town again through the slush to get-a
bona tide supply OF Christmas gifts.
What they bought then had the guar
antee OF the manufactured. the dealer
and their own eyes. for by this time
the Smiths we're strictly from Missouri
They had had their lesson
But how many thousands OF Smiths
and JoneSeS Ia this country VINO have
had lesson. bmt hesitate-in fact, ABB
sulutely refrain from letting their
neighbors and friends know thar they I
have been through the same expert
ence
The reason that they do not adult Il
is easily explained IN few words.
They are ashamed 70 acknowledge
their cupidity and are waiting the op-
portunity TO see their neighbor bite.
After their neighbor fell into the trar
fhav decided THAI fha ha1f uaa m