Honolulu star-bulletin. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu, Hawaii]) 1912-2010, 1917-10-22
MCMAHON AND HIS FISH

Editor Star-Bulletin.
Sir: With pleasure | notice the
glow Of the merry fire OF discus,
son in YOUR columns and in those OF
the Advertiser which / CHANGED TO
kindIe recently through my remarks
in your paper on the inflated price OF
fish: but TODAY | received further H.
Elimination on the subject. which eA-
pla::Is the mystery completely, IN a
typewriter letter to myself from a
brave correspondent, who secreJ"d
himself entirely under the noIl de
plume OF "A Non-Sucker.' AS -soCle
Of his calculations are shrOuded in a
mental fog l submit the letter to your
comprehensive editorial mind for in
depreciation and publication II you
think ii will enlighten the public on
this distressing and mOmentOus Ques'
ton of the soaring price OF fish, which
makes all OF US poor people feel pretty
sore indeed.
However, my fishy correspondent
is not at all polite, opening his letter
ny tabulating me as a damn fool,
saying he is going to ask ME few
kindergarten questions, which may
be too broad for My narrow
mind" And beSorra he did ii, too,
fairly bowling at me as he deluged ME
with questions, mixed with bum
grammar and spelling, which dis
closed him to my Hawkshaw mind as
a Honolulueducated Chinaman with
a strong financial interest in the fish
ing business and a great fear in his
heart that he is not going to make so
much easy money in the near future
as he is making now. He seems to
think | am trying to shield the sugar
planters and sugar stockholders IN
their joyous desire to get rich quick.
asking why | don't sic" the food
commission onto them, thinking per-
haps | like to pay 10c pound for
sugar for my ''tay" Oh, | do, just
about as much as paying 25c pound
or more for fish. | fairly gloat over
every spoonful | put in the cup,
thinking how precious it is and how
aristocratic it feels to be living so
high! | assure my self-satisfied, igno-
rant land that's about the greatest
and most prevalent crime OF all on
the moral calandar) friend that have
a very strong adverse opinion of all
the ,bravea optimistic gang of exploit
ers, those patriots for plumber, who
have been instrumental in increasing
the prices of every necessity Of life
in the United States and abroad, since
the commencement of this unfortu-
nate war in which we now have en-
tered and in which the superficial
thinking people of the world will
learn lessons of wisdom | feel that
will aid them in being less imposed
upon in the future.
My correspondent l also put in that
category, though he has me fairly
'buffaloed" as to what he means by
the occult sentence with which he
winds up his dissertation: why
don't you bark at the right direc-
tion?" 1t is vague and suspicious to
to the occasion, by hivins, and the
piper that played before Moses, and
if l can but once lay my eyes upon it
I'll buy a file, sharpen my teeth, live
On broiled bones, raw squid and vim
egar for a week, drink malaga wine
and go for it! And as for the sugar
planters and every mothers son who
owns an ounce of sugar stocks, I'll go
for them, too, and if they don't quit
raising the limit on sugar I'll write
them a poem" then see how they'll
quake in their new $14 Broadway
patent feathers, capitulate and surren-
der at the same time, as they are
both so mach like one another, ask
my pardon and perhaps give me a
job at $500 a month for having mercy
ON them-and not write them any
more poems!
Please forgive me, Mr.. Editor, for
this burst of indignant eloquence and
imposition upon you and your space;
the blissful thought of fish coming
down to earth again, metaphorically
babbling, was the cause of it. Sin
cerely yours for cheap fish,
....s P. MAURICE MCMAHON.
Hoolulu, Oct. II, 1917.