davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Oklahoma City times. [volume] (Oklahoma City, Okla.) 1908-1984, 1917-12-22
"Saue the Waste and Win the War"
NOT YET TOO LATE.

KNOWING that proerastination is popular pa''ime'
and scanning the latest returns from headquarters VIC
are certain that all who should have Joined the Red
Cross in its Christmas drive You should have Joined be
fore this for there has been The time the place and the
girl take your money available in every business block
throughout the week There enough why YOU
should avail yourself of this chance to aid beneficial
enterprise the most helpful perhaps in the world today
And unless YOU are broke aud can't borrow a dollar
pawn the family jewels think Of reason why you
should not join You who have delayed have added the
labor of those who have given their time we'll their
money in promoting the cause, but that will be excuSabe
il you avail yourself OF the time that still remains Even
those wholly devoid Of sympathy il any such there be
could still find for enrolment for there is local
pride to prompt us TO go over our quota.
That however is puny reason, compared with the
great purposes which prompt this giving The work and
benefits of the Red Cross too we'll known to need
elaboration at this late hour 1t is angel Of mercy and
helpful mnisation which follows in the red wake of
lessen the horrors of conflict build up the wounded
heal the sick and feed the hungry 1t is part OF the plan
to win the war well as to soohe its wounds and in
the support you give it gauge to yotr loyalty
and patriotism, as we'll your feeling for humanity,
Having waited week. wait longer. 1t is not yet too
late, but the time is short.
The Oklahoma City times. [volume] (Oklahoma City, Okla.) 1908-1984, 1917-12-22
A FIGHTING .PARSON:

THAT GERMAN who attacked Billy Sunday is on the
slippery slant which leads to- hell along with the rest
Of the kaises bunch to steal some stuff from the base.
ball eyahgess forensic style, but The interference
Of the crowd probably delays the Germans exit to the
devils domain, Billy Sunday didn't turn the other cheek
but led for the jaw the sport writers put it, and doubt
less would have followed his lead il given chance One
who has fought the devil long and vigorously as Sun
day has isn't likely be ntmidated by any child OF the
devil OF Teutonic origin He should be right at home in
such combat with the chances OF victory largely in his
favor. There many who deplore Billy Sunds evan
gesc methods question the pernanence of his conver-
sons and pick other flaws but wherever he has gone into
action has accused him of being afflicted with
cold feet He is fighting parSon and didn't even need
TO hit Prussian to prove it,
The Oklahoma City times. [volume] (Oklahoma City, Okla.) 1908-1984, 1917-12-22
Luke McLuke.


II is none OF our business But W.
can't, help observing that when girl
passes the i0-year mark and is the pos
SCISSOR Of a forty six-inch bust, she
should quit wearing middics.
We know that we are taking an awful
chance IN making this crack But the
tact is that not one housewife IN fifty
can make good coffee,
The reason why dealer in this coun-
Try can afford to be lavish with his
guarantees is because he Knows that
after the average American has used
the article Tor while he is too coward
N TO return and enforce the guarantee.
Some folks imagine that there is a
difference between being disappointed
N love and disappointed in marriage
But there isn't
There would be very little tconomy
40 tins country It It wasn't for the won-
en- A woman makes as much fuss
over a postage stamp As a man docs
over a dollar bill
Once IN a while the Jolly. GOOD ma
'ured man IN TIC Office is the same
fellow whose vie and children would
think he was sick # he ever acted good
uaturcd at Home
Men do not give women enough credit
Tor business ability II takes a woman
win business ability 10 run a family
on a husbands salary these days
What has become OF the old fash.
iuued tad who hrhry,d TINT a. u,.
healihinl 10 have a goat around'
A woman can't understand why a
! qlan howb about missing button when
The Oklahoma City times. [volume] (Oklahoma City, Okla.) 1908-1984, 1917-12-22
WHAT EDITORS SAY
Neglected Birthdays.

The exact ages of some 100000 Americans arc mat
tcrS OF considerable Importance just Age determines
eligibility TO the National army month, a week or
day brings within the scope of the Seectye conscrp
uop law or gives him honorable immunity The govern
ment must know definitely the birthdays OF at least
tenth of the people
In very large part OF the United States rumor IS re-
lied upon TO establish age. The department calls upon
the census bureau which takes an accounting every ten
years But the officials too honest to have much
confidence IN their data concerning the birthdays OF
the people Therefore Secretary Reded is constrained
to make another plea for the registration Of the birth,
and deaths of the inhabitants OF the United States
At Che present time only in thirteen states and in the
District OF Columbia are the records accurate enough 10 he
regarded by the census bureau Six other states however
have been attempting to get rid OF their So,eny habits
with the result that the So-aed Registration area may
be increased Throughout the remainder OF the Coun-
try the arrival OF infant OF less statistical importance
than the appearance OF purc-red colt calf puppy ur
kitten Such attitude might have been deicnsihlc IN
the haphaard days OF peace but surely the birth Of baby
is an affair Of moment now--Chcago Herald
The Oklahoma City times. [volume] (Oklahoma City, Okla.) 1908-1984, 1917-12-22
10, THE RICH INDIAN.

TAklNG II from the Indian has qualified a, gainiu
occupation this continent ever SINCE Corlcz dealt
firmly with the Aztecs and demonstrated the superiority
oi gunpowder over other forms OF violence Sometimes
shrewd bargaining has accomplished the result as when
that Dutch real estate promoter exchanged string OF
beads and other baubes for Manhattan island and began
work on the Great White Way In other instances the
bode methods OF the brgand were employed to part the
red from his patrimony but whether by barter of by
bullets, history teaches the results about the
same The white gained the hunting grounds and
transformed them to fields and golf links cities and
villages aud the other landmarks OF the westward march
OF empire, while the Indian held the sack
However. a benevolent and paternal government re-
served for the Indians land than people likely to
farm whose traditional custom was to let the women do
the work This beated generosity, together with the de,
,eopment oh the oil industry, has made many of the
Indians rich whereas in the old free days Of larger land
holdings they frequently painfully poor in creature
comforts, and all they knew of luxury was such as the
tramp collects in his travels--ireedom and loafing
Among these aboriginal putocrats are the Osagcs and
now the Indian affairs commission complains that the
people Of Pawhuska are still following precedent in the
matter OF relieving the redSkn from his easy gains The
report even that OF the paleiaccs Of PawhuSka
cheerihlly admit the truth OF this allegation which is
quite likely, since most Of the transactions come within
the law Of legitimate trade it, in the case Of auto
hire the prices seem cXorbitant White men who have
bearded the taxcab in its lair will see nothing very
unusual about that
One complaint OF the report however does seem some
what deporable, true and that j, that the churches
neglect the opportunity afforded for uplt work among
the Indians and seem TO take very little interest in the
souls OF those Americans OF Oldest stock If such neglect
exists, is something for which the churches should
blush and hasten to But II the government wishes
to the rich Indian from the effects Of easy money
and awake him from the soth OF luxury, it must either
withhold the money conduct a most difficult cam
plign Of education both In the matter OF spending
when he has it, the Indian is not so different from his
white neghbo although he may lack the atters acumen
in getting value received
The Oklahoma City times. [volume] (Oklahoma City, Okla.) 1908-1984, 1917-12-22
OUR uGHTLEss NIGHTS AND OTHERS.

OKLAHOMA CITY MERCHANTS responded promptly
10 the demand for lghtless night and the hardware
stores may be selling lanterns for all know II
all cities do we'll the fuel saving will he big item in
this business OF conservation and hasten the day when
there will be hot time in Berlin But as we feel our way
along to aid MIR Garfield and the nation in saving there
remains the consolation that hy all the shtcss night
means to us. In other places il means much In
London and Paris aud other British and French cities,
nights are much more ghess than those have known,
the darkness being means OF protection against Hun
raiders out to kill few women and children bomb
an orphans home wreck hospital But after all ours
Is defensive IL there is an ocean and half
. continent between and the enemy, which is another
reason for its strict observance
The Oklahoma City times. [volume] (Oklahoma City, Okla.) 1908-1984, 1917-12-22
No Delay

1t begins to look It the ordnance department might
have been justified in the delay uppl,ng arm, OF which
so much has lately been heard
That America does not yet have cubugh weapons for
all her soldiers admitted There has been No DELAY IN
sending abroad for lack OF guns however They have
gone and still going, fully equipped Just a, last a, the
ships to carry them be provided On the other hand
because the ordnance department did insist On It's own
IDEAS to armament TO he the general opinion
of all manufacturers and experts that the new American
rifle and machine gun far and away ahead OF ANYTHING
now in use by Our allies in Europe
IT, then there has been no delay in sending our troops
abroad II lar better guns have been secured a, result
OF the ordnance Departments delay and n the production
Of these guns increasing far faster than our ability
TO use them IS there any special or growing e.
cited about hIaImanlenl aiLuatloni i-MIehln EagA
The Oklahoma City times. [volume] (Oklahoma City, Okla.) 1908-1984, 1917-12-22

busy now refining sand, which will he
Just as good" The chemists make their
turnip Jam and toadstool marmalade,
until the weary people damn their dark
and mystic trade. The chemists brew
their noNious dope, and say to hungry
folk, Cheer upl cheer up! don't give
up hope-weTe making flour OF oak"
The German parent, sick and sore, be-
holds his children Starvc; there comes
arhcmlst to the door-"Herc is brick
to carve It's made OF shavingS aud
old shoes, excelsior and tar; .you'rc
needing bread' Don't have the blues,
for this is better far" II famine comes
TO this our land | think we'll starve and
die before we'll take from chemists
hand a bootlack for a pie.
The Oklahoma City times. [volume] (Oklahoma City, Okla.) 1908-1984, 1917-12-22

there is paper of pins on the dresser.
A pessimistic prophet can predict
such dire things that nobody pays any
attention TO an optimistic prophet.
You may not believe it, But the Boss
is more interested in the way You do
your work than he is in the way you
vote.
\ 5O-year old girl can convince some
man how young she is, but she can't
convince any other woman
A girl is never referred to as a
chicken after she gets married But
she does lot Of pulling, Just the same.
The Oklahoma City times. [volume] (Oklahoma City, Okla.) 1908-1984, 1917-12-22
Our Ioe Miller Contest

Tom Cromwell claims that the oldest
Joke is the one about the man named
Bullitt, from Louisville, who was stop
ping at Colonel Bolts hotel in Law.
renceburg lie asked for bacon with
his eggs for breakfast and the waiter
told him that he could not serve both
eggs and bacon. Bullitt asked that the
boss be sent in. and Colonel Bolts came
in why can't have bacon with my
eggs" demanded Bullitt. "Do YOU
know who | am, suhl | am Bullitt
from Lousvillew Colonel Bolts drew
himself up in dignity and replied: Il
don't give a d---n il you're Cannon
ball from Europe You get no bacon
here"
The Oklahoma City times. [volume] (Oklahoma City, Okla.) 1908-1984, 1917-12-22
RIppIINdRHYNEs
1@9,Mtl1! { Ma!ss5,on M!s5,
NCepytyg3t 1917 !
GERMAN CHEMISTRY.

THE German chemists work all
night and hustle all the day.
We'll make for everything in
sight a substitute" they say "The peo-
pie say they're needing meat, but meat
/, not for sale we'll make a substitute
Of peat, and sell it by the pail They
cry for bread throughout the REALM, but
bread no merchants sell; well treat a
block OF slippery elm, and that will do
as we'll Though there's no sugar in the
land, let this be understood; We're
The Oklahoma City times. [volume] (Oklahoma City, Okla.) 1908-1984, 1917-12-22
Our Daily Birthday Party.

W J. Harahan, president OF the Sea
board Air Line railway, born at Nash
willie, Tenn, 50 years ago to-day
Bainbridge Colby member Of the
United States shipping board born in
St Louis, AZ years ago today.
Opie Read, we'll known Chicago au.
thor and journalist, born at Nashville,
] enn.. 6S wears ago todaY.
The Oklahoma City times. [volume] (Oklahoma City, Okla.) 1908-1984, 1917-12-22
No Commission

Maurice Loevchhart OF Lexington,
KY, says that when one OF his friends
proudly announced that his son had
enlisted for the war another of his
friends inquired: Does he get COM
mission Whereupon the proud father
replied; mo, Just straight salary"
The Oklahoma City times. [volume] (Oklahoma City, Okla.) 1908-1984, 1917-12-22

One doesn't need TO be within the military age to be
Stacker There many different varieties OF ackers
that il we'll for TO look himself over occasionally
to see that he doesn't belong to one Of them
The Oklahoma City times. [volume] (Oklahoma City, Okla.) 1908-1984, 1917-12-22
'HIST0RYBTFS,
On, Hundred Years Ago To-day

lsl7-Under orders from the pfesi'
dent. a United States force broke up
depot for Smugglers and buccaneers on
Amelia Island, Florida.
Seventy-five Years Ago To-day
lA2--Birtb OF NiScount Alverstone,
Lord Chief Justice OF England whose
decision gave a large part of Alaska
to the United States
Fifty Years Ago Today.
1857 - Pierre Rousseau, celebrated
French landscape painter, died. Born
in Paris in 1872
Twenty-Five Years Ago Today
l892-Thc royal families of England
and Prussia agreed on final settle
ment Of the So called Guelph Fund"
The Oklahoma City times. [volume] (Oklahoma City, Okla.) 1908-1984, 1917-12-22
Alta Row

According to Bulletin No. l,0S6 is
sued by the Ohio Inspection Bureau at
Columbus, there is man in Corning,
Ohio, whose name is worth fourteen
beers This man owns a dwelling in
Corning and his name is Seven Dimes,
The Oklahoma City times. [volume] (Oklahoma City, Okla.) 1908-1984, 1917-12-22
No Ioke.

THAT poverty Is not crime,
They say" said Mr.. Naybor;
Yet I have found out In my time
II dooms YOU to hard labor"
Luke McLuke.
ThoEh poverty ls no disgrace,
. ANA often | have said II.
II is not apt. In any place.
To boost a fellows credit.
Detroit Free Press.
The Oklahoma City times. [volume] (Oklahoma City, Okla.) 1908-1984, 1917-12-22
Some Old-FashiOned.

Smith is an old fashioned fellow,
isn't hel" said Brown.
Should say 'he is,' agreed Jones.
why, he's so old-iaShioned that h.
wants to fight when he is called a
liar"
The Oklahoma City times. [volume] (Oklahoma City, Okla.) 1908-1984, 1917-12-22
One Year Ago Today in the War.

Ambassador Gerard explained presi-
dents peace move to German foreign
minister; Vienna reported Russians ID
feated in Dobrudja; French raided
German lines in reconnoiSanccS at ST.
Mihiel
The Oklahoma City times. [volume] (Oklahoma City, Okla.) 1908-1984, 1917-12-22

n With short skirts and all that casual observer pre-
dcts that Santa Claus won't bring the finest sights to be
eeen In stockings Christmas morning
The Oklahoma City times. [volume] (Oklahoma City, Okla.) 1908-1984, 1917-12-22
M Moore-Speed.

Mr.. and Mrs. John Speed Of Colum-
bia, Tenn, announce the engagement Of
their daughter Anna to Lieutenant ]
f.. Moore of Camp Wheeler
The Oklahoma City times. [volume] (Oklahoma City, Okla.) 1908-1984, 1917-12-22

man who gets his Christmas cheer in bottle IS apt
TO be srouchy the next day and may end his celebration
The police station
The Oklahoma City times. [volume] (Oklahoma City, Okla.) 1908-1984, 1917-12-22

Besides helping the government the thrift stamp is
good investment and home should be considered com
Dlrte without them
The Oklahoma City times. [volume] (Oklahoma City, Okla.) 1908-1984, 1917-12-22
Policel

Billie Wood announces that Heincy
zimmerman would never be able TO
play ball in England because they have
Bonar Law over there.
The Oklahoma City times. [volume] (Oklahoma City, Okla.) 1908-1984, 1917-12-22
Correct

They say that money talks, said Ben.
And ! viii not deny it,
BSt youl find It talks loudest when
You want to keep II quiet
The Oklahoma City times. [volume] (Oklahoma City, Okla.) 1908-1984, 1917-12-22

\ \ you nsis, on eating meat and wheat when you
thcaldnt ycu won't fool anybody by standing When the
NM begins playing THE Star -Spanged Banner"
The Oklahoma City times. [volume] (Oklahoma City, Okla.) 1908-1984, 1917-12-22

Christmas this year meatess day but Mr..
Hoover doesn't bar the turkey the goose from the iesa
board ro~cyen the humble chicken though some chickens
arc ~
The Oklahoma City times. [volume] (Oklahoma City, Okla.) 1908-1984, 1917-12-22

M ~ sufpfve In the fact that the kaiser reject, the
lns Ssae proposal Until they do s,e fighting, the
A~s Mcht matter much to the kaiser. one way or
The Oklahoma City times. [volume] (Oklahoma City, Okla.) 1908-1984, 1917-12-22

Billy Sunday says he expects to go to heaven from
Chicago which will be going quite long way will it mott
The Oklahoma City times. [volume] (Oklahoma City, Okla.) 1908-1984, 1917-12-22
Lines Worth Remembering

He is best served who has no occs-
sion to put the hand OF others at the
end of his arms-CervantcS
The Oklahoma City times. [volume] (Oklahoma City, Okla.) 1908-1984, 1917-12-22

The Oklahoma State university a,
Norman suffered $85,cW loss by fire
Friday, with insurance of $67,5OO. Only
the heroic efforts of faculty, students
and townspeoplc saved tho other build
ingS.
The Oklahoma City times. [volume] (Oklahoma City, Okla.) 1908-1984, 1917-12-22
OLDSToQIRS.' :
INNEWTYpH
Twenty Years Ago.
Prom ne TINES PILES

Twenty Years Ago.
Mr.. Roy Stafford will be wed thf
evening a, o'clock in Mayfield, Kan.
TO Mis-, Jennie Davis a popular youns
lady OF that place
Will York, a shoe manufactures ol
Massachusetts, a brother OF Charley
York OF The Lion store, is in the city,
{. 4. Knox visited Lexington yests.
day.
J b Harrell returned TO the city
from the Indian territory TO-DAY.
The Oklahoma City times. [volume] (Oklahoma City, Okla.) 1908-1984, 1917-12-22
'CUKFM:LUKE;
Ills S.C0IIJMN
@eyri9bf 1877
Stung |

Stung
you mailed a d,llar to that western
doctor. who promised to send you a
sure way to get rid OF a prominent
Adams apple, didn't youi" asked the
wife OF the thin man.
81 did replied the thin man.
Did you get a reply asked his
wife.
YES replied the thin man "He ad-
ylsed me to swallow IT,"
Notice
II the government needs help n
hauling materials for the war we will
notify Otto Truk OF Lawrenceburg,
Indiana.
Fooeyl
There was fat woman named May
with shape like an old bale OF hay;
But she lost whole ounce
And was heard TO announce;
Gee, I'm glad | nm wasting away
Wuff!
at says that in 1889 a liar was pun
ished by having holes bored III MS
tongue" said the Old Fogy
1T is a good thing that practice isn't
in vogue today" commented the
Crouch. "If it were most OF us would
have tongues that reSemblcd porus
plasters"
Well, Well!
Hack Freeze, the Arcanum Ohio ice
manufacturer, has shut down his plant
and has offered it IN sale.
Fact.
Read this. my son, you'll find It's true,
Give II more than n glance,
II takes n mighty smart man 10
Conceal his ignorance.
The Oklahoma City times. [volume] (Oklahoma City, Okla.) 1908-1984, 1917-12-22
Fifteen Years Ago.

Fifteen Years Ago.
COPENIIAGEN-The refusal OF thu
Danish senate to vote for the sale oi
the Danish West Indies TO the United
States was caused by the kaiser, who
prefers that European power retair
Tor the present, footing in the western
hemisphere
Five baths for dollar at the O. K
barber shop at Main and Broadway.
One thousand> punches of mistletoe
fine and full OF berries, for sale at 2,
and 50 cents each. Leave orders with
Richard Alvey. p West Main, or apply
to Wheeler park superintendent.
What is perhaps destined to be one
of the strongest banks in OklahomA
City was completed in organization
yesterday by the election OF officers
and a directorate The officers of the
new institution arc D. A. Duncan,
president 7. A. Vaughn, vice presi-
dcut WIlhugh Wilkins, cashier The
directors are +. NJ. Gauli h. d. Shear.
DR. l.. H. Buxton, d. a, Duncan, W.
Wilkins T. A. Vaughn and r NJ. Hol-
comb.
The Oklahoma City times. [volume] (Oklahoma City, Okla.) 1908-1984, 1917-12-22

Form In Line, Girls. Don't Crowd
Misunderstanding by the day, $l.SO
Miss Fitting Phone 88-L.AtAd m
Sharon. Penn. HeraId(
The Oklahoma City times. [volume] (Oklahoma City, Okla.) 1908-1984, 1917-12-22
Ten Years Ago.

NJ Bicrot, the aeronaut expert, had
another narrow escape from death to-
day when his plane was wrecked. The
machine was trakng about thirty
miles an hour when the wires support
ing the wings broke and the plane
crashed to the ground. lie escaped
serious injury.
The Oklahoma City times. [volume] (Oklahoma City, Okla.) 1908-1984, 1917-12-22

Putting On Style Often Means Pu;
ting or Creditors. A
The Oklahoma City times. [volume] (Oklahoma City, Okla.) 1908-1984, 1917-12-22

Mrs. Cecil Rogers OF Dallas and her
little daughter, Florence are spending
the winter here with Mrs Rogers par
ents, Mr. and Mrs Frederick II. lid
nam, Sfl North Broadway
The Oklahoma City times. [volume] (Oklahoma City, Okla.) 1908-1984, 1917-12-22

G. b. Stone was elected president OF
the Chamber of Commerce at the meet.
ing OF the directors yesterday
The Oklahoma City times. [volume] (Oklahoma City, Okla.) 1908-1984, 1917-12-22
Well, W ell!

Hack Freeze, the Arcanum (Ohio) ice
has shut down his plant
and has offered il iN sale.
The Oklahoma City times. [volume] (Oklahoma City, Okla.) 1908-1984, 1917-12-22
Fact

Read this. my son, you'll find rs true
Give II more than "A glance,
i takes mighty smart man 10
Conceal his ignorance.
The Oklahoma City times. [volume] (Oklahoma City, Okla.) 1908-1984, 1917-12-22

Five baths for a dollar at the O. K
barber shop at Main and Broadway
The Oklahoma City times. [volume] (Oklahoma City, Okla.) 1908-1984, 1917-12-22

c A. Knox visited Lexington yests.
The Oklahoma City times. [volume] (Oklahoma City, Okla.) 1908-1984, 1917-12-22
Fooeyl

There was fat woman named MAY
with shape like an old bale OF hay
But she lost whole ounce.
And was heard TO announce;
Gee, I'm glad nm wasting away"
The Oklahoma City times. [volume] (Oklahoma City, Okla.) 1908-1984, 1917-12-22
Names Is Names.
Our Daily SpeciA

Bell Boyes lives in New Orleans, La
The Oklahoma City times. [volume] (Oklahoma City, Okla.) 1908-1984, 1917-12-22

II the government needs help N
hauling materials for the war we will
notify Otto Truk OF Lawrenceburg,
Indiana.