davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Charlevoix county herald., 1917-04-13

IL May BE Set Down 40 Certain That
NeIuhbor viii Never Borrow
Money From Perkins.

Some people keep gramophones as q
hobby; some do 1t on purpose. live at
the Nook. situated In quiet avenue. i
have lived here for two weeks, but
when came ! didn't know they had a
gramophone let loose.
The house next door to me Is called
the Retreat. From nine In the morn
Ing until the last car home there comes
from this house the sound of an oboe,
a D-f1at piccolo, two more piccolos,
more D-fiat than usual, concertina In
the last stages Of Group. the bagpipes,
and the clariOnet disguised as bronchial
catarrh.
What did Edison want to invent such
things for? One Of these days I shall
write him jolly stiff note about 1t.
ask you, what would you do If you
were writing an article on 'The Eco.
nomical Aspect of the Black Beetles
Patella as Compared With the Phys
iOlOgy Of the Gnat Fly" and then to be
greeted with information that 1t Is still
a considerable distance to Tipperary3
The matter IL fast becoming serious.
Only the other morning when / came
downstairs / found our cat lying dead
with cotton wool In each ear. l cannot
get anything to grow In the garden.
The other day decided upon action.
i said to Perkins, who lives at the Re-
treat, when / saw him In his garden:
DO you want to sell your gramo.
prone, Perkins?"
"GramophOne" he said. "That isn't
gramophone. That's my daughter
singing. Got good voice, don't you
think? Writes good poetry, too. !
ought to get some advice for her, don't
you think?'
"Yes," ] said. "You ought to see q
doctor. Perhaps a piece OF bone is
pressing on the BRAIN"
Perkins doesn't speak to me any
mOre.-London Answers.
Charlevoix county herald., 1917-04-13

The people are learning that when a
soldier says "Halt!' he means II. A
Detroiter learned It with the aid OF a
bayonet.
The women folks are bound to wear
their spring clothes, no matter how far
down the mercury goes.
Tip to motorists-don't choose
Venezuela for touring just now. Case.
line is SO cents there.
LET me see, now" said the minister
at the christening, dipping his pen into
the ink to record the event. ''Isnt
this the twenty-seventh?"
81 should say not" retorted the In
dignant mother, 'it is only the ninth"
Charlevoix county herald., 1917-04-13
Eastldlous Fox.

Waldemar Eitingon OF New York re-
Gently presented live silver fox to the
Geological society Of st. Louis. The
animal Is valued at $3.50. The git was
hurriedly accepted with profuse express
slons Of thanks which are now In a fair
way to be reconsidered and revised.
The fox refuses to eat ordinary food
and rejects practically everything Of
fered II except fresh eggs. And fresh
eggs are 90 cents a dozen In st. Louis,
scarce and apparently looking mp.
Charlevoix county herald., 1917-04-13
RADIO MEN GETTING SCARCE
Ships In American Ports Are Delayed
Because Wireless Operators
Fear the Submarines.

There Is a shortage of first-class
wireless telegraph operators, and, In
some instances recently, boats leaving
American ports have been held up un-
til man could be found.
A few days ago boat bound for an
English port wanted an operator bad
ly. The place was offered to two
Philadelphia operators, but they hest
tated at taking chances with German
submarines, and the MASTER of the
craft was forced to pick up a gallant
soul from New York, who agreed to
make the trip. Wireless operators on
cargo boats get from $40 to SEQ a
month and their keep.
Charlevoix county herald., 1917-04-13
conscrlpted for Golf.

It seems that form of conscript1on
Is now applied to golf. A writer at
one Of our training camps states that
the officers In one Of the main centers
of the Royal flying corps have been
literally ordered to the links. one day
In each week. One Of the courses In
the vicinity Is quite crowded with
khaki. and the players have begun to
find the fascination Of the game and
its value In making them fit.-Golfng.
Charlevoix county herald., 1917-04-13
Brie3s Of the Week

Mrs. Minnie lsaman is reported quite
ILL.,
Howard Porter is at Chicago on bust
ness.
A. Ashbaugh and family have moved
to Alba.
Mrs. George Jepson went to Detroit
last week.
Mrs. JAS. Howard returned Tuesday
from Detroit.
Glenn Shay OF Boyne City is visiting
relatives here.
F. A. Kenyon returned TO Mackinac
Island, Tuesday.
Fred Longton visited relatives at
Bay City over Sunday.
Father Kroboth went TO Petoskey on
Wednesday, on business.
Mrs. w. c. Merchant returned home
Thursday from Grand Rapids.
Supt. l.. p. Holiday left Friday for
Lansing and Detroit on business.
w. III. Sloan attended a meeting OF
the Presbytery at Omena this week.
Mrs. Thos. Whiteford is receiving a
visit from her mother OF Vanderbilt.
Mrs. John Momberger returned from
visit with relatives in New York State,
Monday.
Mrs. j. II. Milford and children re-
turned home from Springvale, Satur.
day.
Mr.. and Mrs. Fred Kowalske arrived
Thursday from Lansing for visit with
relatives here.
Perry and Kirk Coonan were called
to Bay City, Wednesday by the illness
of their brother.
Joseph Votruba and son, Robert, &C.
companied by Joseph Hajhel left Mon.
day for Wisconsin.
Special meeting of Mystic Lodge F.
& A. M. this Saturday evening. Work
, in the third degree.
Mrs Jos. Cummins returned home
Monday from Detroit, where she has
been visiting her husband
Mrs. George Ramsey and children
returned Thursday from a weeks visit
with relatives at Central Lake.
Rev. j. NJ Gleason was here from
Boyne City couple OF days this week,
guest at the home of Rev. Sidebotham
Thurlow King returned to Detroit,
Wednesday, after few days visit here
with his parents, Mr.. and Mrs. Guy
King.
Mrs. Stewart with daughter and son
OF Kalamazoo are visiting at the home
of Mr.. and Mrs. Thos. Joynt and other
friends.
Ralph Fuller, son OF Mr. and Mrs. w
II. Fuller was united in marriage or
April 4th TO Miss Sylvia Mates Of Bowl
ing Green, Ohio.
Charlevoix county herald., 1917-04-13
GLAD TO LEARN OF 1T.

Coughs that follow LaGrippe, or any
deep-seated hacking cough, will wear
down the strongest man or woman II
allowed to continue; c. Smith, l42 18th
ST., Augusta, Ga, writes: 81 got one
25c bottle of Foley's Honey and Tar and
my cough and cold is about well. l was
glad to learn Of a great medicine like
that. "-Hite's Drug Store.
Charlevoix county herald., 1917-04-13
unsentImantal Ihlna.

He-There are times when / care
nothing for riches-when would not
80 much as put forth a hand to re-
ceive millions.
She-Indeed! That must be when
you are tired of the world and Its
struggles and vanities--when your
soul yearns for higher and nobler
things, II II mott
He-No. You're wrong. It's when
TN asleep.
Charlevoix county herald., 1917-04-13
CUT THIS OUT . 1T Is WORTH MONEY

DON'T MISS THIS. Cut out this slip,
enclose five cents to Foley & Co. 1886
Sheffield Ave, Chicago, ILL.,, writing
your name and address clearly. You
will receive in return trial package
containing Foley's Honey and Tar Com
pound for coughs, colds and Group;
Foley Kidney Pills, and Foley Cathartic
Tablets.-Hite's Drug Store.
Charlevoix county herald., 1917-04-13

Sister Susie may soon start sewing
socks for Samuel's soldiers.
If those pacifists will not wear the
stars and stripes, they should be forced
to wear the stripes, anyhow.
One way to beat the II. C. OF L. is to
plant spaghetti tree in the back yard.
II is as sensible as any other way we've
heard.
Charlevoix county herald., 1917-04-13

The Chicago city ventilation com.
mission is getting busy. Consider the
openwork hose, please.
The champion hard luck victim in
Traverse City is the man who joined
the fire department just week before
his home burned down.
Charlevoix county herald., 1917-04-13
St. Joseph's Church
Rev. Timothy Kroboth.

Sunday, April Is.
500 a. m.-Low Mass. Holy Com
munion for the Ladies Altar Society.
1920 a. m,-High Mass.
7:3O p. m.-Devotions, Benediction.
The Ladies Altar Society will meet on
Thursday 10, at 2:30 p. m. at st. Josephs
rectory.
Charlevoix county herald., 1917-04-13
Cumulative Resoonslb,,ItIs.

"What do you think an extra session
would accomplish"
Probably" answered Senator Sor-
ghum. ut will dig up material for more
extra sessions. Star.
Charlevoix county herald., 1917-04-13
He's unsatIshe

An Indiana prosecuting attorney
says he's satisfied there are trade
combinations to fix prices. Every.
body seems to be satisfied except the
faithful consumer.-Pittsburgh Die.
patch.
Charlevoix county herald., 1917-04-13
EXAGGERATED Forebo dino.

I'm trying to save up something
for rainy day." remarked the thrifty
citizen.
"You don't want to stop there" re.
piled the gloom expert. IF half the
present predictions are correct, you
want to save up for hail, thunder and
lightning"
Charlevoix county herald., 1917-04-13

We have to many people in the
church now who want to serve God in
their way instead OF His way.
Charlevoix county herald., 1917-04-13

The worst deception there is in all
this world, friend, is self deception.
Charlevoix county herald., 1917-04-13
LOOSE LEAVES
FROM
LOOSE'S LIGHTNING

The greatest need OF the Church OF
Jesus Christ Is religious enthusiasm.
don't fear the devils on the outside
OF the church. It's the ones on the in
side that "gets me going"
Nothing is more beautiful than duty
well performed.
All who are saved and are living as
God wants them to live are in the
CHURCH.
What are you amounting to in life
that will count in eternity?
Gospel liberty is not license to do as
you please.
suppose the basest crime OF which
humanity is capable OF, is ingratitude.
II j had never along life's journey
persuaded somebody to accept Jesus
Christ, ] would have serious doubts
whether was Christian.
The worst deception there is in all
this world, friend, is self deception.
We have to many people in the
church now who want to serve God in
their way instead OF His way.
No man can win out over passion
without the help OF God.
The moral man is one OF the devils
decoy ducks.
Enthusiasm Is the most contagious
thing in all the world.
In certain respects the moral man is
the most dangerous man in the COM
munity.
You ought to know what's touching
the hearts and imaginations Of your
children.
The moral man is a parasite on the
life OF Christian Community.
After man is walking away from
God and Jesus Christ, nothing else
matters much.
You will have to quit running with
the Devils gang if you are going to live
four square for Jesus Christ.
The Christian life is not persimmon
sort Of life that Fuckers up your face
till it Is long.
II you don't believe in the church OF
Jesus Christ enough to get in it, why
don't you take your family and 60 to
China or India and live?
II were a pastor Of hundred
churches no one would get into them
unless they believed in Jesus Christ.
The moral man holds the most I'M
tenable position OF any man in the
community, In his relation to Jesus
Christ.
The greatest asset that God can give
to man is the absolute certainty that he
is all right with God.
Charlevoix county herald., 1917-04-13

II had never along LIES journey
persuaded somebody to accept Jesus
Christ, ! would have serious doubts
whether was Christian.
Charlevoix county herald., 1917-04-13

The greatest need OF the Church OF
Jesus Christ Is religious enthusiasm.
Charlevoix county herald., 1917-04-13

don't fear the devils on the outside
of the church. It's the ones on the in
side that "gets me going"
Charlevoix county herald., 1917-04-13

No man can win out over passion
without the help Of God.
Charlevoix county herald., 1917-04-13

| suppose the basest crime OF whic
humanity is capable OF, is ingratituds
Charlevoix county herald., 1917-04-13

The moral man is one OF the devils
decoy ducks.
Charlevoix county herald., 1917-04-13

Nothing is more beautiful than duty
well performed.
Charlevoix county herald., 1917-04-13

Gospel liberty is not license to do {
you please.
Charlevoix county herald., 1917-04-13

Enthusiasm Is the most contagious
thing in all the world.
Charlevoix county herald., 1917-04-13

In certain respects the moral man is
the most dangerous man in the COM
munity.
Charlevoix county herald., 1917-04-13

All who are saved and are living as
God wants them to live are in the
CHURCH.
Charlevoix county herald., 1917-04-13

The moral man is parasite on the
life OF Christian Community.
Charlevoix county herald., 1917-04-13

What are you amounting to in life
that will count in eternity?
Charlevoix county herald., 1917-04-13

You ought to know what's touching
the hearts and imaginations OF your
children.
Charlevoix county herald., 1917-04-13

You will have to quit running with
the Devils gang if you are going to live
four square for Jesus Christ.
Charlevoix county herald., 1917-04-13

II were a pastor Of hundred
churches no one would get into them
unless they believed in Jesus Christ
Charlevoix county herald., 1917-04-13

After man is walking away from
God and Jesus Christ, nothing else
matters much.
Charlevoix county herald., 1917-04-13

The moral man holds the most un.
tenable position OF any man in the
community, In his relation to Jesu:
Christ.
Charlevoix county herald., 1917-04-13

II you don't believe in the church OF
Jesus Christ enough to get in it, why
don't you take your family and go to
China or India and live?
Charlevoix county herald., 1917-04-13

The Christian life is not persimmon
sort Of life that Fuckers up your face
till il Is long.
Charlevoix county herald., 1917-04-13

The greatest asset that God can give
to man is the absolute certainty that he
is all right with God.
The Washington herald., 1917-07-06

American manufacturers from by
products, CT else abandon the use of II
reply either upon the comparatively
entirely.
The manufacturers of chemicals are
also greatly concerned over the ex-
haustion of the American supply OF
German potash. In the past, these
manufacturers used potash in large
amounts for Industrial purposes, es-
pecially in the textile industry. When
potash became scarce and the price
very high. some of the chemists
brought out a substitute in the form
of caustic soda. This served merely
as a substitute and a rather poor one,
but apparently its use must neces-
sarily increase, unless the textile in
dustry is to be seriously embarrassed.
The well authenticated report from
France that in Alsace there are known
to be large and rich deposits of potash
that may be developed and put upon
the market at as low a cost as has
been the case with German potash,
was a most welcome piece of news,
especially as it is coupled with the as
surance that, II France RECEIVERS AL
SAGE. the government will at once
undertake the development of these
nch potash deposits. II the results
meet expectations. then there will be
a shattering of Germany's faith in her
ability to command great world trade
after the war is over because the
world will need. as Germany believes,
her potash and will be compelled to
make even larger use OF it than was
done before the war began.
The Washington herald., 1917-07-06
The Quicksands of Censorship.

1t is in no light spirit, assuredly no
shallow appraisement of the big stake
involved. that the newspapers gen.
orally view with misgiving the impo-
sition OF a cable censorship.
Nor are they narrow in their view
Of the officials who impose 1t. When
the smoke of friction and irritation
clears away, it will be found that the
step taken by the government in the
defense of the national safety, in the
protection of our fighting forces
abroad. or about to go abroad.
It Is only when censorship becomes
a cheap and arbitrary thing. an idle
and unintelligent interference in what
it is in war times more OF a public
function than a private business, that
newspaper men protest. They know
that in England Lord Northclire had
an historic row with officialdom over
the censorship. and it was not North
cliffe, all things considered, who came
out second best. He overthrew two
cabinets to bring about war efficiency,
and it was he who revealed Kitchen
er's blunders to the public and forced
him to leave the war Office.
If the cable censorship is reasonable
and intelligent, there will be no COM
plaint. Obviously. there can be none
Success or failure in the function is
entirely in the hands of the censor
himself. Treating the newspapers as
necessary evils is not the way to put
the censorship on a satisfactory basis.
They are waspish often. singing and
goading many officials who would like
to see them done away with. There is
no more conspicuous failure of the
Wilson Cabinet-no clearer indication
of its essential mediocrity-than its in
ability to get along" with newspaper
men. In war times mediocrity shows
up like a sore thumb.
The President himself, and the whole
VI NAsoAAA6oNiOAs IhC real lOSeE III
these constant chickering's which crop
up between the newspapers and the
public functionaries. A disgruntled
press is not war asset, but a war
liability. 1t ought not to be held at
arms length as poor relation, as a
hapless Cinderella in the organization
Of the country in a great enterprise.
Such treatment is boomerang to
those who would try to impose it.
The censorship can and will gain
the cooperation and approval of the
press IL it is properly administered.
Until it is shown to be liberal and en-
hghtened, the newspapers will con-
tinue to view it with misgiving-par-
ticularly because it establishes
through some indirect method what
Congress refused to do by statute; be-
cause mystery as to the exact scope
of its operation is still maintained.
If it only stays put" for a few
days at least, without a sudden shift
of base, change of plan, or new
bright idea" to- be tried out, it will
not be without its compensations.
The Washington herald., 1917-07-06
Th. Le.der,hip in Bunk.

whoever wrote the navy communi-
cue relating to the attack of U-boats
ON our transports-it Is asserted now
It was not Secretary Daniels. but that
picturesque writer. Mr.. George Creel-
ought to be heartily ashamed of him
self. Every naval officer in WASH
ington-every man who has the slight
est knowledge of sea warfare-lav-
ishes ridicule upon IT. =
It was responsible for such rhap-
sodic headlines as these: Victory
for Our Navy in Two Battles" "
Brilliant American Victory" and the
New York Times even goes so far
as to congratulate the German sub
marine captains for boldly challenging
an engagement in the open seas; for
seeking battle with our high seas con-
voy! Assuredly there Is only one
good American word for all these pur-
pie patches of loose thinking and
fIorid writing, and it is bunk" Moth
Ing else the Dlll.
Picture. IL you can, the great re-
lief' the American people must feel
over being handed a Fourth of July
present in the shape of American
conveying cruisers beating OFF, a
submarine attack, an attack which
was sufficiently successful to per-
nit the submarines to discharge at
least a half dozen torpedoes with
such accuracy that they were visi-
BILE in the darkness as they sped by
bow and stern" There is a hopeless
amateurishness in descriptive writing
that speaks of cruisers beating off,
submarine attacks; and the real
function of a convoy screen is to
keep the U-boats so far away from
the conveyed ships that accurate tor
pedo aim Is impossible.
American luck and American pluck
were responsible for the success of
Admiral Gleaves' squadron in get
ting the transports safely across the
Atlantic. In the future the Ameri-
can people will demand a little less
dependence on luck and pluck and a
little more on scientific naval ef-
ficiency that will not give the subma-
rines the ghost of a show of getting
near our transports.
All of the allied powers have lost
troop ships. The Gallipoli and SALON.
Xxi expeditions, to speak of no others,
each had their marine disasters. The
Canadian troops, however, have made
the TRANSATLANTIC journey without
the loss OF a single man; and, curl
ously enough. nobody has made any
to-do about it. 1t has been accepted
as a matter of course.
War is a serious business. Let US
can" Yankcedoodleism. Let US treat
the war as if it meant something
more to US than merely a chance
for "rah-rahing" whenever We do
something that England and France
are doing every day, and thinking
nothing of it. If We are to be
world power, let us act the role prop
erly. And let US keep our naval COM
muniques strictly official, written by
men who are not tyros on naval
topics.
The Washington herald., 1917-07-06
Beelzebub Is Busy Now!

O4d Satan. with a heated brow. was
standing at the Pit.
He said My son, we're crowded now
and every fire is lit
And still they come, A thousand
more arrived below today.
This takes the Bun, The latest war
is certainly o. X.
! never did see such a crush! The
situations hnel
In order to kvoid the rush, we're
working overtime!
Three million Huns are roasting down
In lower number ten.
But I have found an easy berth for
French and English men.
let the English loaf around, up where
the air is cool
o listen TO the bowling Huns, down
In the flaming Pool.
The English and the French have kept
US busy in their time.
With lots Of fancy troubles and with
every sort of crime,
But Huns are hounds, barbariansi And
let me tell you, son.
The Devil Is a Saint compared to a
ruthless bloody Hun,
Just then a bell began to ring-a form
stood st the gate;
Old Satan danced the Highland
Fling at a terrific rate.
He flung his arms and shouted out
and beloved, This is great"
As with a slow and measured tread,
the Kaiser started in,
And shivered as the moulten lead was
freely offered him.
What no! Below, Ye wretched
soulsw we heard the Devil veil.
Behold. at last. the Kaiser comes, to
ill HIS place in hell!
And as in haste 1 stood aside, to let
the War Lord pass,
The dentist smiled and then I knew
that had taken gas!
The Washington herald., 1917-07-06

] pledge allegiance to my Flag,
And to the Country for which it
stands
One Nation. indivisible,
With Liberty and Justice for all.
Stars Of eternal splendor,
Set In field of blue,
Stripes Of the sunset Glory,
Leapins in air to view.
Message to all Creation.
Message from God above,
Message to cheer Humanity,
Message Of PEACE AND LOVE.
The thirteen lines represent the thir-
teen original States.
The forty-eight capital letters rep-
resent the existing forty-eight States.
The sixty-four words represent the
sxty-fourth CWar) Congress. -
o1lBERT N. EIsEMAN.
The Washington herald., 1917-07-06
ROLL OF HONOR.

William L Kildow, Elkins, w. Va.
Edward ]. Deads, Washington.
Frank ]. Parmesano, Elkins, w. Va.
Andrew T. Gilroy, Alexandria, Va.
John Prender. jr.. Washington.
John w. Gerbaulet, Washington.
ARMY APPLICANTS.
Sidney soloman. 2i0s Eighteenth
street northwest.
Edward Butts, Washington.
James Mccormick, Troy. N. Y.
Leonard c. wiIlingham. Washington.
James J., ,,Ahearn. $50 Bryant street.
Henrfk Moeldrqp. Washington.
Frank Ford. washington.
The Washington herald., 1917-07-06
Girl Hit hy Auto Sues.

Mar~aret C. Badger, through her
mother. Mrs. G. ]. Badger. filed suit
yesterday to recover $500 damages
against D. II. Roland Drury, as a re-
suit Of alleged injuries growing out OF
an automobile accident on the 5th of
last September, in which she alleges
that she was run over by a car oper-
ated by the defendant and seriously
injured.
The Washington herald., 1917-07-06
OUT OF THE STORM.

OLI Or Ihh slOh".
When tempests rage, what use TO
NOPE,
And look on life as void Of hope.
And Just because the fierce winds blow
Let all your nerve and courage go?
Go out and let the gales so keen
Sweep thro your soul and make ii
clean,
And let the rain that floods the day
Wash all your gloomy thoughts
away.
Go out and face it, and as flowers
Grow sweeter for the drenching
showers
So let the storm for all its rue.
Refresh the heart and soul Of you.
Copyright, BIZ
The Washington herald., 1917-07-06

We shouldn't condemn Germany too
much for tampering with Russia.
Their separate peace efforts enabled
the Russian forces to get rested and
prepared for, another real drive.
The Washington herald., 1917-07-06

We have had a French. British,
Italian and Russian offensive show
ing Just what the allies can do. Now
let America start and the whole
bunch get together and make a real
drive
The Washington herald., 1917-07-06

American song writers should hang
their heads in shame. With troops at
the front there is no sign of a suitable
marching song. Looks as though We
would have to fall back on He
Rar,bled