Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1917-11-24
cMO RDs ND
DISCO ID S

WHEN the American soldiers re-
turn after a stay in the trenches il I
Is said the first thing they ask for is I
4 razor Apparently the Germans are
not giving the boys very close shaVes /
4 SMOKELESS day each week dur
ing the war has been proposed. Il is /
almost unanimously favored By the !
women. 1t is understood that the men
are now agitating 8 (face) powder !
less day.
THE latest crack at the linden
burg line" postcards Ole, probably
will cause Sweden to tank long and /
seriously before deciding TO cast her
lot on the side of Germany
LOCAL restaurants are serving one
cube OF sugar with a cup OF coffee.
We have heard of one patron who
pliers several cubes every morning
from his roorning house mistress as
he is leaving for his work, placing
them In hts vest pocket, and using
them to fill In when he orders his
mug Of mocha at the downtown
refectory.
THE operators and railroads are
again passing the buck IN the coal
crisis 1t is up to the government to
compel them to cease their sparring
and pass the fuel TO the public. The
buck should be taken before firing
squad He has been the source of too
much woe already.
A RESIDENT Of Chicago, while in
Rock Island the other day, recalled
that there was not an ounce Of sugar
in his home and that his wife had
told him when he was leaving none
was TO be had in that city. The Chi
cagoan thereupon pressed four local
friends into service, having each one
buy him Is cents worth at local
store. He said it would be a great
surprise for his wife, who always ar
gued with him that when an article
couldn't be had in Chicago it was not
available any place in the world.
WHY DISTURB THE GUESTS?
/ Testimony in a Chicago court:
I Q-Is the Loyal hotel still running
! Ayes, I think so.
Q-Why don't Major Funkhouser and
the chief raid It?
The Judge ruled out this question.
EFF / wus runnin' this here coun-
/ try" says Hen Hicks, I'D take them
wimmin Jhet's been trying to make
life miserable fur our president down
there at the capital, an I'd bunch 'em
| together In squad and send 'em to
/ the front in France, where they would
meet somebody who would fight with
them, by ginger. They know darned
/ well that Mr. Wilson amt going To
take a wallop at 'em when they fuss
around the White house, and tn
worst they kin git is a couple Of weeks
in Jail and have long pieces written
about EN- in the papers, telling what
martyrs they are. Furthermore, they
ought ter know that there amt go
ing to be much doin' on suffrage or
any other public question in this ccun-
try until we have finished the kaiser
i So their place right now is in France
instead Of in Washington
/ FRANZ Johann Dori, persona.
friend Of Won Bernst0rff's, has beer
Il interned in New York as an alien en-
envy. II the count were the friend ht
claimed to be Of these fellows that art
+. turning up in various sections Of tht
country doing their bit for the father
land he would have called them to
gefher when he was leaving for home
: and taken them along. For the mos
OF them have tough winter before
: them.
: NEW York is TO have women con
ductors on its surface lines. Then
Twill be a case of slipping the fare tt
the fair, SO to speak
} WHEN a man is counting he buy
the flowers. After the wedding
: friend wife becomes the purchaser.
II At THE MOVIE.
{ Isn't she grand?'
II "Uhhuh."
. Doesn't she wear the most gor
: / geous clothes?''
a Il don't know. / never saw he
- off stage"
VI A SAILOR has been made com
= mander Of the Russian armies Thi
S IS likely an error. The man neede
: for the job should be q land lubber
S Kerensky, you'll recall, was in the al
= most Of the time he was trying +
run the new government, and whei
e the blow-up came he Just NATURAL
t hoated away into space The sailo
= will be like the duck when DANCE
q arises. He'll take TO the water.
= WHERE M0DESTY PAYS.
:, II it ever should be your misfor
tune to face court to be fined don
hrag about your income. for som
n judges lean toward the rule OF as
q sessing a defendant in keeping wit
: his ability to settle.