The Elk Mountain pilot., 1917-03-08
ALL CLOCKS FAULT
UNCLE HI NOT TO BE BLAMED
FOR THE TROUBLE.
His Housewarming System Was All
Right, but Hard Luck Took q
Hand in the Game and Re-
suits Were Disastrous.

$50 your Uncle Hiram Peabody was
here while your husband was travel
ing. and his wife was nursing her
grandchildren" said Mrs. Green, set
tling herself for a chat. II expect he
enjoyed his visit?"
"MOst of the time" answered Mrs.
Biddle. "He was as pleased as boy
to get here, and for a while he talked
as II he'd like to live in town, where
there were SO many clever inventions
to look at. He's quite an inventor him
self, you know, and has all sorts of
automatic arrangements in his house
and barn. Even here he rigged track
down cellar to run the coal and ashes
back and forth. and fixed the clothes
lines a new way the first week, and
for trapdOor in the kitchen and a
dumb-waiter to the cellar.
"Then he went into a brown study
over something, and took to staying
down cellar most Of the time. One day
1 missed an old alarm clock from
Henry's den, the meat grinder, spring
from the laundry door, the can opener
and the hinges from the salt box. Just
then Uncle Hiram ran up the cellar
stairs, all mussed and sooty, but smil-
ing, and insisted that must go right
down and see his invention for open
ing the furnace drafts in the morning.
1t was clever, too, with wires and pull
leys overhead, and piece of broom
handle fitted on the clock winder, SO
that when the alarm went OF 1t
dropped .weight-my meat grinder,
mind you land somehow opened the
drafts, SO that the house would be
warm when we got up. Uncle was
tickled to death with 1t, and of course
1 admitted it; but 1 warned him not
to set his alarm too early, for our fur
mace has tremendous draft.
"It worked first rate for a few days
but the old clock got to acting up
sometimes it wouldn't go OFF, and then
again little jar would start the alarm
while uncle was setting 1t, so he had
to come upstairs on tiptoe. The night
before Henry came there was cold
snap and high wind, and we went to
bed early, for he was to arrive about
six in the morning. About two woke
up with start. 1t was so hot could
hardly breathe, and there was strong
scOrched smell. Then 1 heard racket
like pots and pans falling downstairs
"'Burglars. or fire, or bOthT says to
myself, all bewildered; and I made fol-
the upstairs telephone and called UT
the emergency number before 1 was
awake enough to know whether want
ed the police or the fire department
1t seems they understood 1 wanted
both. Uncle Hiram's room was empty
and I began to think that maybe I'd
been hasty about telephoning. I got
Henry's old revolver and went down
cautiously. The kitchen gas was burn
ing, and the cellar door was open, and
the cooking things that hang in the eel
larway were strewn all the way down
the stairs. Someone was down cellar
banging around and saying things. and
thought uncle might be struggling
with burglar. So I called, 'Surren.
der or I'll shootv But Uncle Hiram
called back:
".Don't shoot, Maria, it's only me
Get me a pail of water, quick!
"You see, his alarm had gone OF toe
soon anu as uuCle Iitiu thc WdiLh
room in the house, he had walked uI
and rushed down to see about 1t. Be
fore could get the water, two police
men and the fire engines came and 9
good big crowd, too. The house wasn't
on fire, but SO near 1t there was no fur
in 1t and the firemen said things that
hurt uncle's feelings, and so did Henry
when he came,
"Poor Uncle Hiram wasn't the same
after that. He hardly noticed the ma
chinery blueprints Henry brought
home, which showed he was low in his
mind, and he didn't even read the scien'
tific journals. He lost his appetite and
began to criticize the food. About blue
bird time, when he heard that Aunt
Julia was ready to come home, her
grandchildren being through with the
measles, he insisted on going back to
get things ready for her. I was wor.
ried for fear he was going to be sick
but Aunt Julia writes that he's invent,
ing a new plow and a scarecrow with
a phonograph arrangement; so guess
he's all right again" Com
DaniOD.