St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1917-09-19
That Pesky Sheet

newspaper, of course, except the peo-
pie who have had a long and weari-
some experience in the business. For
some reason they are never lavish
Of promiscuous criticism. But the
subscribers regular readers OF
the sheet-are more expansive. Let
the newspaper-mak listen to their
miscellaneous criticisms of any issue
if the wretched scribes wish to arrive
at proper appreciation of their
feeble efforts and attain to state of
meekness, which will entitle them to
inherit not only the earth but the
whole solar system.
On the regular publication day, if
all the advertisers do not come in five
minutes before the forms should be
closed and demand a change of copy, il
the power doesn't give out, the folder
balk up, the press have a contrary fit
or the force fall down on the job, the
paper very likely goes to the postoffice
on time From there it reaches the
house, and after supper Pater Familias
dons his slippers, hunts up his glasses,
seats himself in the most comfort
able chair the house affords and pro-
ceeds to look over the news. Mater
Familias takes a position on the other
side of the light with the mending
basket; so while he darns the paper,
she darns the hose.
After a moment the silence is shat
tered by an angry snort. Pater Fam
ilias has happened to see a two-line
| item about his going to Podunk Cor
| ners the other day to buy a cow. lit
beats all how those folks can't re-
member how to spell my name. They
don't have any trouble with LaFol-
lette, McAdoo or Lloyd George, all
worse names than mine and harder to
| spell. I'll just tell 'em tomorrow that
if they can't put my name in right,
| they needn't put it in at ALL"
| They never get anything right"
declares Mater, weaving her darnlng
needle in and out.
| Five minutes OF diligent reading is
followed by another outburst from
Pater. Good Land! How do you
suppose they spell. niece?-n-e-i-c-e,
as I'm sinner. I amt no dictionary
myself, but I'd learn to spell words Of
one syllable if I was running newss
paper" Pretty well pleased at be-
| ing able to detect an error, Pater
stretches out in a satisfied way and
resumes his reading. Mater gazes at
him admiringly and allows they can't
spell "cat" down to that printing Of
flee. s'~
More quiet, then "Ha, ha, hal" and
Pater slaps his knee and chuckles all
over. Here is all about that horse
Jones was trying to sell me today.
Baked up with him on Walback hill
night before last, kicked the wagon
into kindling wood, dragged Jones a
mile and then left him to walk home.
Nice horse that! Wouldn't give u
plugged cent for whole carload of
him. Shall tell Jones tomorrow that
I'd father have an automobile"
Actually heard of that before 1t
was month old, did they? And tolG
it straight, more's the wonder" COM
ments Mater, running her hand into
another sock to see if it is intact.
| Further Swimming up and down the
columns and Pater lights on a para
graph that makes him bounce like II
rubber ball. well, if they haven't
gone and put in all the particulars OF
the little spill we had yesterday
Made out that Firef1y is afraid of the
cars and an unmanageable brute; that
don't know enough to handle a
rocking horse and that you are a mass
of compound fractures. Told them
particularly not to mention the af-
fair; that would rather give five dol
, lars than have a word said about il
in the paper. Guess 1 had. CAM
g dispose of the beast now inside OF
. three counties for anything like what
, she cost me-
"Just like 'em; always nosins
around and putting every trifling mis-
a hap down, just as though people
didn't have any rights Of their own,
I grumbles Mater, who has enough
n black-and- reminders of that &C
cident without having a black-and
q white one adding insult to injury
g THAT sheet gets worse and worse,
f sums up Pater, casting it from him
'I'll let the time run out this yea
C and not renew"
q might as WELL" agrees Mater, az
6 just as leave have white paper for tn
i pantry shelves"
q Nevertheless they keep on taking /
q for the sake of the exercise it afford
= their critical faculties.-Springfiel
g Reporter.
|