Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1917-08-23
FINNEGAN'S PHILOSOPHY
On the Merry-Go-Round.

Faith an now Wilson's for pro-
lection. Four year agone he was agin
1t, for 1t was agin the constychooshun.
Now that he is for 1t, that immortal
Instrument has also changed Its
mind. He makes me head shwim.
But I've good company. Bryan an
Garrison, the civil service Dimycrats,
and the rale Dimycrats. the Passyfists
an the vulgar sowls that's none Too
Proud to Fight'-they've all been on
the Merry-go-round. Some Nv thin
turned sick.
"'God bless ye-ye're a good man,
but We make me dizzy says Bryan,
leppin' from the Hobby Horse and run
min for the woods. I've ginywine
raygrit at losin' ye.' says Wudthrow
THROWN him a Cocked-Hat Nv the vim
tage of 1909
"'Here's the Army bfll,' says Garri-
son. How does II suitT he axes,
"'Fine,' says Wudthrow, barrin' a
few changes Yen redraw It, he
says, to provide says he, 'volun-
tary universal service in a Federal
Milishy.' says he. controlled be the
states says he; AN recruited be
spiritual com-pulsion,' says he. 1T
shud be nayther too large nor too
small says he; 'or maybe BOTH he
says; AN the ammynition,' says he
must be payther too much nor too
little says he. I've to see Hay. be-
fore decide the daytales, for It's me
j'ooty to kape an open mind says
Wudthrow.
"'StOp the music and lave me of,
says Garrison. Are ye crazy or am
II Garrison moans layin' on his back
an gain wildly at tn sky. God bless
ye,' says Wudthrow. I've near-real
raygrit at losin' you he says. And as
Garrison beats it to Jarsey the Merry
Go-Round plays side step.
"'F'what iv the NavyT says Kitchin.
Tt shud be thruly adequate ivry-
where says the Great Idaylist, 'ex-
cept in Montany, where we need no
Navy says he, and In st. Louey,
where 1t shud be the biggest In the
world. Well be none exthravagant
like thin Republicans says he, so
here's the Dimycrat bill yell pass,
says he.
"'But this same 10 the Raypubli-
cans BILL says Kitchin starin'. Yell
60 an pass IT, says Wudthrow, pound
ing the desk. 'Hooray,' says the black
Republicans votin' for the bill. 10
I dream says Kitchin. IL iver
drank. I'd tink was boozed,' says
Kitchin in thrembliD' vice. And h.
falls Off
"'How about the Army biny axes
Hay.
Thorough an instan, preparation
for definse must be the wurd,' says
Wudthrow, wild heroic ris'lution in his
eye.
81 have here a bill,' says Hay, pro
vidin' for an increase Nv five huMdther
men a year for twinty year, he says:
he says. twill make US safe from
Madagascar, measles, muckrGkin'.
milit-rism and marital inddelity,' ne
says, AN Wen catch Willy before he
dies av he doan't die before we catch
him. says Hay.
embrace me- says Wilson. Oh
Hay-afther all preparedness 10 a
matther Nv the heart an not OF guns
or forts. Did Cleveland ivir give ye
a jobT he axes, stoppin' short like.
"Divil a wan says Hay. Thin.
says WudthrOw shakin' the both Nv
Hays hands cordial like, for yer patri-
otto service in so bravely sipportin
me policies he says, 10 all their
phrases, he says, 4 make a Judge Nv
ye'he,' says he, as well as yer frind
that We put In the JOKER says the
Prisidint. 'Howly Saints says the
preparation Sinitors.
"Phwhat does this mean at ali
at allY they axes. I've the wan
thrack mind says the Presidint, AN
We go all through me train ix thought
before We come to the pork car says
he. Are We onT axes the Apostle ~
Common CouHsels.
"'We're on, says the S1nitors, fall
ing off. An the Merry Co Round plays
Wilson Waltz, (Which We know,
Jawn, is wan step forward, two steps
back, hesitate an sldestep). An Tu-
| multy goes out TO spread the glod
tidin's that the preparation p'rade Will,
be led be the Presidlnt In person.
"'How does he save his facet" asked
Malumphy.
ovid his mouth" responded Ftnne.