Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1917-04-29

somewhere IN the department OF
Agriculture there is a puzzled group
of plant scientists who have a much
deceased palm tree on which they are
concentrating their brains and their
microscopes. The Aforesaid tree was
one of those decorative little palms
which sit around in a box in some
body's parlor and tickle you in the
ear or fall off their perch when you
stumble on them in the dark. 1t
lived a quiet life for a while, and
then suddenly turned up its little roots
and refused to grow any more. Where
upon general investigation was
started-with what success you will
see when you read the real inside dope
about that funny little parlor potted
palm.
Now it seems that the palm be-
longed to family whom we will call
palm the John Joneses were also pos
sessed of another plant in the
nature of brother who also
was potted most of the time. He was
like the palm in many ways. but in
no way was the similarity more pro-
nounced than in the potted feature
Brother was an alcoholic expert. with
a tendency to secret midnight drink
ing: although in fact he was not par
tial. If he could not drink alone he
would drink with friend. and vice
versa.
Sometimes he would bring home
favorite bottle of the Demon Rum,
but Sister Jones would steal 1T and
hide it whenever she could Any one
who has tried to deprive a secret
drinker of his favorite brand knows
that the mountain lion is no more
cautious and wary than is the secret
Il L. L.. n
of rum on the home premises.
As we probe thus into the AFFAIRS
of the John Joneses we find that only
a short time ago the potted PAIN pc
came afflicted with little disease
which produced a scale.
Sister Jones took 1t up with the 30
tanic Garden and produced cure for
the scale in the nature or a spray
which she sprayed copiously all over
the palm, driving away whatever IL
was that afflicted the little plant.
Then. just as the scale fell away. the
potted brother brought home faVorl,e
quart of that stuff he loved so much'
and Sister Jones saw him coming. AS
soon as brother had hung up his coat.
Sister Jones pounced on it, wrung the
bottle from the pocket. and hid the vile
stuff away deep down in the potted
palm box.
Well. when brother came to sneak
that bottle into his own little bedroom
he uttered a howl which aroused the
house. Sister Jones took on face OF
the most injured innocence and de-
clared she hadn't even suspected him
of bringing a bottle home. Oh, no, But
brother said, "Oh. yes. And they mad
it back and forth for A week, brother
finally becoming so nasty and ugly that
sister weakened and f1shed the bottle
from it's hiding place.
Well, few days later, brother de-
cided to import another quart Tor
midnight alcoholic solo and picked out
hos 70 fnr inc nj
1t had worked so well in the other case,
he decided to use his cunning to fore
stall Sister Jones' sleuthing habits.
And it would have been all right had
not there been a leak in the bottle.
Somewhere. somehow. there was a de-
feet in the bottle or cork and all of the
oil of joy trickled out of the bottle into
the potted palms little bunch of earth.
The stuff got into the roots of the
palm and gave that tree the most ex-
hilirating hour and half 1T ever had:
| made the little parlor plant think it
was a giant in tropic forest with its
head many hundred feet in the air. 1t
| felt the cockatoos and birds of paradise
| fitting about in its manifold branches
but. like every other jag, it came to
an end. and the poor little palm expe-
rienced the awful woes of the cold
gray dawn of the morning after.
1t took on an ashen hue and expired.
Brother went to withdraw the bottle
| from its cache and discovered his loss.
He was bitterly disappointed, but ut
tered not a word. He simply threw
away the bottle and awaited.
Meantime the palm withered and died.
and Sister Jones, thinking the scale
had set in again. sent the plant to the
Botanic Garden where they were much
puzzled. They in turn sent 1t over to
the Department of Agriculture, where
the scientists were hard put to find
cause for the little plants demise. They
found no trace of scale; no trace of
| anything they had ever heard of be-
fore.
And so they are working at it still
Perhaps if some one calls this little
story to their attention they will stop
| the post-mortems on the palm and get
TO work on something else.
In order that the country at large
might know the correct archaeological
history of the use of the term show
me- as applied to the state of Missouri
Representative Leonidas Carstarphen
Dyer of the city of st. Louis has writ