The Butler weekly times. (Butler, Mo.) 1881-1918, 1917-02-22

mot yet" You see l am grow
ing (oldcr) and am past the age
when flattery means anything to
me. Nature fitted me for doing
foolish stunts and l am willing to
bet that no one (who knows me)
can be found who will say that
nature made mistake. l sure do
foolish things. One of ZEN" is
wasting my time trying to create
sunshine where no sunshine is.
But is it wasted? Time alone can
tell. l may not know, but l may
have said (or may say something
worth while to some one. So l
am neither flattercd nor discour-
aged. But you may be sure of one
thing and that is, that if every
thing hadn't been as it is it might
have been different. That's me,
Pm different.
Talk about quick work. Re
Gently placed call with the OPP
orator Of the long distance service
at Butler for party in Kansas
and in less than five minutes
| had transacted business with
him and. "rung off" If this
young lady ever marries and is
as "swift with a broom and dust
pan, rake, hoe, ak, etc, as she is
at the switchboard, the fellow who
gets her will have to move around
some to keep out Of the way.
notice that a right Reverend,
etc., is "kickin" because a police
man gets more for sleeping" on
mis- job, than preachers get for
stalking" folks to sleep.
A friend asked me how l would
fight the Germans in ease of war,
and | said, says l. l would that
each Of us stay at home and fight
it out by wireless" He asked
ME what | thought the most eff
fective way Of bringing the little
argument" to a close and | said,
shut off the supply of ''sauer-
kraut.'
read an add" the other day
which said laugh when some
body steps on your feet Uhm,
well, by golly, if anyone steps on
the "off' toe of my NEAR foot
may laugh, yes, but it will be to
see the somersaults he will
turn before he hits the ground.
Uh-huh.
E-v-e-r-y-b-o-d-y wants to 60 to
H-e-a-v-san. Quite so, yes, but d!d
you ever see anybody who was in
hurry to start? A doctor adj
vised patient to go to Texas
for his health. The patient said
he was too busy. The doctor said
Texas or Heaven which? The
patient said, IL try Texas. Quite
so, yes,
If war comes Peaceful Valley
will not be found wanting. Doe
Patterson can organize COM
pany of dead shots on short
notice. All we ask is for "de-
tached service and to be permit
ted to fight from behind rocks,
stumps, corn shocks and hay
stacks. We will guarantee IS per
cent with the rifle and with a
"shot gun" we will get all OF
EN-. Next.
No need for you upon the ocean
to sail upon the swiftest boat.
No need for you up in an air ship
in the starry skies to float. You
do not have to 20 to Europe, y
nor travel in the danger zones
you may find if you but knew it,
"lots of trouble (nearer home
Exciting times? Well, yes. A
fellow came into my place Gall out
of windy and said, have you heard
the latestq l answered "no, it
amt out YETI What's got you
says he don't you know that
I'VE have declared war on
KAISER Bill?" And / said not
yet, is it, He says yes, and then
he wanted to know what stand
l would take if Germany should
invade Peaceful Valley" What
stand says 1! Well, now, 1
wouldn't be "lookin" for a
stand. l would be "lookin" for
run way" about ten thousand
miles long and plenty Of "lee-
way" and (room to stay away
till the "cyclone" passed. Then
says he, you are not good
American" and l replied sew
cral of your relations "died Of
the same disease, viz: running"
P. S. We never speak now as we