The Richmond palladium and sun-telegram. [volume] (Richmond, Ind.) 1907-1939, 1917-11-12
SATAN RESIGNS
HIS POSITION IN
KAISER'S FAVOR
So Says Letter Which Causes
Sport Among Camp Fun
ston Soldiers.

The following letter from Kenneth
Toler to member OF the Palladium
staff is self-explanatory:
Camp Funston, Kansas,
Nov 5, 1917
Dear Sir-You will probably be sur
prised at receiving this letter from me
but as my thoughts often turn home
ward and =; l read the article in the
paper that l am enclosing, / thought
of the contributors department of the
pal" The article is entitled Satan
Writes to the Kaiser; Offers Him
Neither Throne" This piece has been
printed in several Of the western pa
pers that reach our camp.
Should you see fit to publish it, |
think it will at least afford a good
satire on the Kaiser, his methods, etc.
Just word about camp life. | am
in hospital unit of the 341st Field
Artillery. At present l am keeping
books However our duties change
from time to time. We start the day
at GAS, then at 700 we have sick
call; at 900 we drill for thirty min
utes; after this we have. lectures until
noon. In the afternoon we have lee
lures until 4:30; this is an average
day might demand.
We have good things to eat For In
stance today for dinner we had roast
beef, stewed tomatoes, jam. bread pud-
ding, bread and coffee. One thing Is
noticeable; nothing is wasted. Every
one gets all he wants but woe to the
plan that loads his plate then throws
away the food. These fellows are CIV
en- fatigue work generally for five
days at a stretch.
In closing ! am begging your pardon
for having intruded upon your time
and beg leave to remain,
Sincerely,
KENNETH W. TOLER,
341st Field Artillery.
San. Detch.
Camp Funston, Kansas.
The letter follows:
The Internal Region
June 28, 1917.
To Wilhelm Won Hohenzollern, King
of Prussia, Emperor of All Ger
many and Envoy Extraordinary Of
Almighty God.
My Dear Wilhelm:
can call you by that familiar name
for I have always been very close to
you, much closer than you could know.
From the time that you were yet an
undeveloped being l have shaped your
destiny for my own purpose.
In the days of Rome ! created a
rough-neck known in history as Nero;
he was a vulgar character and suited
my purpose at that particular time. In
these modern days classic demon
and efficient supernatural was need
ed and as l know the Hohe6zollern
blood / picked you as my special IN
strument to place on earth an annex OF
hell. I gave you abnormal ambition,
likewise an oversuppiv of egotism that
you might not discover your own fall
ings; l twisted your mind to that OF
a mad man with certain normal ten
denotes to carry you by, most dan
gerous character placed in power; 1
gave you the power of a hypnotist and
a certain magnetic force that you
might sway your people / am respon-
sible for the deformed arm that hangs
helpless on your left, for your crippled
condition embitters your life and de-
stroys all noble impulses that might
otherwise cause me anxiety, but your
strong sword arm is driven by your
ambitions that squelch all sentiment
and pit. I placed in your soul deep
hatred Of all things English for Of all
nations on earth hate England most;
wherever England plants her flag she
brings order out of chaos and the hat
ed Cross follows the Union Jack; IN
der her rule wild tribes become tillers
Of the soil and in due time practical
citizens; she Is the great civiliZer OF
the globe and / hate her. I planted
in your soul a cruel hatred OF your
mother because she was English and
left my good friend Bismarck to fan
the flame | had kindled. Recent his
tory proves how well our work was
done 1t broke your royal mothers
heart, but gained my purpose.
The inherited disease Of the Hohen-
zollerns killed your father, just as it
will kill you, and you became the ruler
of Germany and tool Of mine sooner
than | expected.
To assist you and further hasten my
work ! sent you three evil spirits,
Nietzsche. Tdeitschke and latter Bern
hardi whose teachings inflamed the
youths OF Germany. who in good time
would be willing to spill their blood
and pull your chestnuts, yours and
mine; the spell has been perfect-you
cast your ambitious eyes toward the
Mediterranean, Egypt, India and the
Dardanelles and you began your great
railway to Bagdad, but the ambitious
archdIke and his more ambitious wife
stood in your way. 1t was then that
sowed the seed in your heart that
blossomed into the assassination OF
the duke and his wife, and all hell
smiled when it saw how cleverly you
saddled the crime onto Serbia. I saw