The Washington herald., 1917-12-30
Jim Is In.

Jim King. employed by a large
furniture store, has been having trou-
Bile with his memory.
The other day when sent out with
some c. o. d. packages he forgot to
bring back the $40 he collected.
His boss called him up on the phone
and demanded his money. In answer
ing Jim was talking into quart bot.
tie instead Of the telephone transmit
ter. SSH
The cops made a bee line for his
house. The so was 'spurlos versenkt"
Not even Jim knew where It was.
In court he told the Judge that the
radiator in his house sprung leak
and he was compelled to leave work
and fix it
He also had a ''questionnaire" to
fill out, he said. This. too, helped him
to forget all about the money.
The court found out that 1t was a
quart bottle of liquor that had sprung
a leak. The questionable" was a
warrant from the courthouse to put
Jim in the cooler.
And after advising Jim to take a
correspondence course in memory
training, the court sent him down for
q month.
SIur Hit Him Hard.
One day last week Albert Hughes
came home with a big bump on his
forehead.
His wife and all the folks immedi-
ately inquired how he got marked up.
After hesitating a minute, Al cooked
up an excuse.
Someone had cast>>a slur on the
family, he said. and in defending the
family honor he got banged up.
After being asked hundred times
, he named the person he had been
called upon to lick.
A day or two later Albert saw his
wife in a heated argument with Roy
Moran. He ducked, without saying a
word. He dare not face Roy, because
! ne was the man whom he had ac-
cused of the slander.
That same night Roy came around
to Alberts house. Albert tried to
sneak out, but his wife caught him
by the coat tails.
| While he stood speechless Roy let
loose and walloped HIM good In front
of all the folks, and made him apollo
gize.
It turned out that Alberts bump
within a mile when it happened. But
Albert thought it necessary to con-
ceal his liking for craps from his fam
lily.
However, all this didn't step the
court from fining Roy a SO I'LL
which he paid.
4 The Tragedy.
ledge, All met dat woman at {
dance. She had on a stickpin wot
All gave NAH beau for Christmas
A ftah she stuck her tongue out a.
me twict All hits her."
We'll, that didn't give you q
license to hit her, even IL she die
stick out her tongue" said the cour
to Grace CornweIl. accused of as
saultinS Hattie Lemon.
"Jedge." interrupted Hattie, "da'
woman has been scandalizin' m,
for longest time at all. All nebbel
has a word to say to her. She!
jealous cause All goes wild her fel'
low"
OF course Grace had a right e
be peeved. Who wouldn't undel
the circumstances? Her beau haC
proven false. She had been scorneC
after she had given him a Christ
mas present.
1t was bad enough, she said, t.
see another woman wear what sh,
gave her beau. but to have that wo
man rub 1t in on her proved too
much for her nerves.
Hattie lost quite a lot OF he
hair. Her face was scratched vi
to beat the band. The affair brok,
| the Darty COmpletelV
And because Grace was not afrait
to tell the truth about the scraI
the court let her down easy.
was only s..
A Funny Ache.
! For a long time, Joe Fraser said
he had been suffering with sever,
headaches.
His wife. Annie. keeps tellin,
him that these aches are the re
suit of hollow-head. Joe doesn'
agree at all with this.
Thursday night he came hom
from work earlier than usual. H.
went out again and got some medi
cine. He came home, sat down fl
chair and held his head between
his hands.
A girl who lived next door cam
in. She was one of these fluffy lit
tie things whose clothes fit he
like the paper onsAAe wall
Immediately Joe's headache lef
him ESQ his wife said). He spruce,
UP and made himself as agreeabl
as possible. He insisted on &C
companying the sweet young thin
to her front door.
When he came back his wifi
stood waiting for him with a roll
ing pin $50 he said). Anyhow
there was a scrap.
Both Joe and Annie were hurt
He said she did it and she said h
did. But Joe was the one VIII
was arrested.
Upon his promise not to look a
any other woman but his wife tn
court released Joe on persona
bonds.