The Daily Missoulian. [volume] (Missoula, Mont.) 1904-1961, 1917-08-20

plant speeches long enuff The
country at large, incloodin' the un.
dersigned. is disguised with you.
Why don't you show us a states
man-sumbody who can make a
speech that will hit the poplar
hart right under the Great Public
wesllit? Why don't you show us
statesman who can rise up to the
Emergency, and cave in the Emer-
gency's head?'
Indeed. Ward went so far as to con.
TESS that at n special congressional
election in his district he voted for
Henry Clay. II admit that Henry is
dead he explained, with terrible sar-
easm, but inasMhc1 as we don't seem
to have a live statesman in our ma
tional congress, let us by all means
have a first class corpse"
Ward took care that his charges
against the disputers and the slackers
could not be made boomerang. He
raised and drilled a company in Bald
insville, basing his organization on
that shrewd observation of human
nature which is his striking virtue.
"Havin' noticed a gin'ral desire on the
part of yo,m" men who are into the
crisis to wear applylits." he explained,
Il determined to have my company
composed exclusively of offissers,
everybody to rank as Brieadier
Gin'ral." The following, were some OF
the questions to which he subjected
his recruits:
If | trust You with a real gun, how
many men of your own company do
you eXpeck you. can manage to kill
durin' the ware
Have you ever hear dof Central
Price, of Missouri, and can you avoid
similar accidents in case of a battle -
Have you ever had the measles.
and if so. how many"
How are you now?' etc, etc.
'some of the questions was sarcuss-
tical)" . :
The schoolmaster was one of the few
Baldinsville residents who supported
MIR. Wards patriotic efforts to stir the
town. Together thes two got up a.
mass meeting which was great sue
cess according to the writer's own re-
port. r---7- --s~--s~--
I'VE held it in the open air
round roarin' bonfire. The
schoomaste was the first orator.
Hes pretty good on the speak. He
said this inactivity surprised him.
What do you expeck will come of
this kind of doin's? Mill fit
'Hooray for Nihil!' interrupted.
Fellow citizens. let's give three
cheers for Mill the man who fit!'
The schoolmaster turned a little
red, but repeated, Mill fit .Ex-
actly.' sed. 'Nihil fit. He wasn't
a strategy Teller Our venerable
friend said the schoolmaster,
smilin' pleasantly. isn't posted in
Virgil. No; I don't know him. But
if. he's a aple-bodied man he must
stand his little draft"
All of this is very, broad, too broad.
perhaps. for those OF us who have
learned nicer distinctions between wit
and humor. But there is compensation
for not a little OF the breadth in the
existence of considerable depth. I'm
derneath Artemus Wards "goaks' lie
crave truths. 1t is hoped that such
exhortations as the following from his
Fourth Of July Grafton made Baldins-
vile think as we'll as laugh:
Il said the crisis had not only
cum itself, but it had brought all
It's relations. 1t has cum, l said,
with a evident intention of maxim
us a good. long visit. It's goin' to
take off it's things and stop with
us My wife says so, too. This il
n good war. For those who like
this war it's Just such a kind Of war