davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Watertown weekly leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1912-1917, 1917-01-03
YES, LAUGH AT YOURSELF
Much Wisdom Is Needed If We Are
to See Ourselves as Others
See Us.

Laughter is mark of intelligence
only when one is able to laugh at him
self, to smile with others at his own
awkwardness, whims, shortcomings
and personal peculiarities, remarks the
New York Tribune. One needs GER
tain amount of wisdom in order to
know when he is making himself ridic-
ulOus. He must be big enough and
wise enough to put himself in another's
place and see himself as others see
him. 1t is then that laughter serves
the purpose of corrective and a
means of self-discipline.
But this requires a certain breadth
of vision which not everyone possesses.
Lincoln had it, and with all the sad
ness and tragedy Of his life this abil-
ity TO laugh at himself kept him sweet
and human, saved his wit from irony
and cynicism, and enabled him to
laugh, not at people but with them. 1t
is this trait of quaint self-ridicule and
aloOfness from that petty sense of dig
nifty which spurns Self-criticism
which constitutes the true sense of
humOr All the great humorists, from
Aristophanes to Mark Twain have had
it. Half the fun of life must be en-
jOyed at ones own expense.
A man may be dead in earnest in
his devotion to some great cause, as
was Lincoln, yet keep his faith in HIM
self and his ideals. It is this sense of
hIImor which preserves balance and
saves a man from bigotry and fanati-
cism. For want of 1t among good
people and reformers many a noble
cause has failed and many a. moral
ideal has been rendered almost unen-
durable.
The Watertown weekly leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1912-1917, 1917-01-03
PRISONERS OF PARLIAMENT
Offenders May Be Shut Up in Clock
Tower, but Buy Own
Meals

Few people are aware that the
houses of parliament have their own
prison. Yet situated high up in the
clock tower is the NJ. P.'s prison, con-
sisting of four bedrooms and two sit
ting rooms, London Tit-BitS says.
The honorable member who has been
dishonored by Imprisonment for a
breach of parliamentary etiquette does
not have very hard life in st. Steph-
ems prison. The prisoners meals are
sent up to him from the house of COM
mons kitchens and he can choose
whatever dishes he likes from the or
binary menu. Unlike an ordinary priS-
Oner, he receives the bill for his meals
from the catering authorities
Perhaps the best remembered occu-
pant of parliament's prison was Mr..
Bradlaugh, who was sentenced by the
speaker to Imprisonment in the clock
tower for refusing TO withdraw when
requested so TO do.
Offenders against parliament other
than members have before now been
sentenced to Imprisonment in the clock
tower. These outsiders" have includ-
ed several public speakers and the edi-
tor Of prominent newspaper.
The Watertown weekly leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1912-1917, 1917-01-03
stock at a1l7 They were private pic
{rroc rrhfcb ho coIIocfod9 V

stock at a1l7 They were private pic
lures which he collectedf"
$50 he collected them?" Zapp COM
mented. "Well, that's the way it is
with them rich fellers. A big concern
like 3. Altman gets the credit for CIV
ing them pictures to the Metropolitan
Museum, understand, whereas the
people he collected them from, no.
body never hears about at all. It's
the same way with them charitable
people which is running all them or
phan asylums and homes. They both
er the life out of you you should give
'em for ten or fifteen dollars TO their
asylums, and when you come to look
it up in the annual report so that
you can prove to customer that you
already paid out more than you can
afford to charity, understand, all
you see is: Collected through Felix
Geigermann S102.50' and the custom
er sticks you another ten dollars for a
free soup society before he would buy
from you another dollars worth
goods"
$50 that's the idea you got when |
tell you that B. Altman collected the
pictures and give 'em to the Metro
politan Museum" Birsky exclaimed.
DO you think the people which B.
Altman collected them pictures from
gave them to him for nothing?"
''Why not?" Zapp said. Last week,
Birsky, your wife comes round to my
wife while / am downtown and says
she is collecting for an immigrants
home old clothing, understand, and
my wife gives away on me two suits
and an overcoat which 1 wouldn't be
ashamed to wear getting an accommo-
dalton at bank, so becoming they
looked"
There's collecting and collecting"
Birsky explained. when / say B.
Altman collected pictures, I mean he
bought them and paid his good money
for them"
and the people which he collects
from makes a profit on the transac-
don?" Zapp asked.
makes a profit !" Birsky said 81
should say they do"
'"Then that is the first time that I
hear such thing" Zapp cried. BE
cause when someone tells me down
at the store that there is a collector
outside wants to see me, it don't make
The Watertown weekly leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1912-1917, 1917-01-03
With the Other Porkers.

"Stop!" The brakes of the motor
were suddenly applied, q pandemonium
of whirling wheels ensued, and the
motorist came face to face with Con-
stable COppem, who had been hiding
in the hedge.
Excuse me, sir" said the pOrtly
policeman, taking out his notebook
and pencil, but you exceeded the
speed limit By two miles over meas
ured piece of road"
81 have done nothing of the kind"
retorted the motorist; land be-
sides"
''Well, if you don't believe me I'll
call the sergeant, bein' as it was I'm
as took the time. Els in the pigsty
yonder."
Don't trouble to do that" was the
prompt reply; 81 would sooner pay
so fines than disturb the sergeant at
his meals !''-London Tit-Bits.
The Watertown weekly leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1912-1917, 1917-01-03

pianos, Birsky, because while IN form
er times people wouldn't take a piano
as gift on account of giving their
children music lessons to get the use
out of it, nowadays they could pay a
large price for a player piano and
send their girls to business college,
and still save money on it. COnse-
quently the demand for player pianos
is enormous, particularly as here just
lately they've got 'em working by cleo
tricity which could run for ten cents
the kilowatt hour some of the heaviest
| things that Paderewski gets off at So
600 a concert"
Birsky shrugged his shoulders again.
What you understand from art,
Zapp!' he exclaimed. "a SchwarZer
from the Cannibai Islands which
| don't even wear athaletic underwear,
knows more about fur overcoats than
you do of pictures, Zapp.'
Listen, Birsky," Zapp retorted, "if
them millionaires which is buying
these here high priced pictures knows
as much about their art investments
dS iIiS puDHH tlOtS dbcul lul pNtl-.
coats, you could take il from. me,
BirSky, when them millionaireS heirs
| comes to settle up the estate, Birsky,
| they'll find that instead of five hun
dred thousand-dollar Mill, the old man
got stuck with a hundred dollar sweat
shop. When you come to compare pic
lures with fur overcoats, Birsky, you
| never spoke a truer word in your life,
because while it's an old saying and a
true one that a cat comes to life nine
times, Birsky, nobody but a fun over
coat manufacturer knows whether the
cat is going to come to life as Persian
| lamb, Siberian mink, Hudson Bay
seal, beaver, broad TAIL nutria, ermine,
skunk or sable. SO if / would be q
| millionaire, Birsky, instead of oil
painted pictures / would go to work
and collect railroads and electric light
plants and traction companies, be-
| cause while it's true that no million
aire ever got indicted on account of
buying up lot of competing oil paint
| ings or making agreements with the
| owners of competing oil paintings to
keep up the price and limit the output.
at the same time, Birsky, on Il $780,
900 oil painting no millionaire could
| float a S1,000000 issue of first refund
] ing 5 per cent gold bonds of 1885, I'M
The Watertown weekly leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1912-1917, 1917-01-03
City Has Had Many Rulers.

During the disastrous Thirty Years
war, which laid so many cities of
Germany low, Colmar was at one time
in the hands of the Swedes and at
another in French possession In 1879
the latter nation again occupied the
town and proceeded to raZe the forth
ficatiOns. Eight years later Louis XIV
annexed it to France by formal de-
cree, and it remained in possession of
that country as the capital of the
Haut-Rhin department until 1871,
when, with the other cities of Alsace
and Lorraine, it was added by con-
quest to the German empire.
The Watertown weekly leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1912-1917, 1917-01-03
Luck for Three Murphys.

Because they possess the name of
Murphy, three students in search of
an education, are on their way to their
ambition, through the terms Of the
will of the late William S. Murphy, a
Harvard alumnus, who left 100000 to
the university. the income of which
is to support scholarships for men of
his name.
AS there are no freshmen of that
name entered this fall, three scholar
ships were given instead to students
in the graduate schools, only one Of
whom holds Harvard degree.
The holders are Clifton Murphy Of
Georgetown, S. c., first-year student
in the law school; William A. Murphy
of Boston, in his first year in the
medical school, and Gardner Murphy
of Boston, student In the graduate
school.
The Watertown weekly leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1912-1917, 1917-01-03

subwa- this morning" said
Louis Birsky, the real estater,
to Barnett Zapp, the waist manufac-
turer, as they met for luncheon at the
corner table in Wasserbauer's. HE
tells me he is going to make from his
boy a painter"
"Some people don't give swear
what becomes of their children" Zapp
commented.
"Is it such bad job to be paint
er?" Birsky asked.
Seemingly Max Maikafer don't
think So" Zapp replied. Maybe he
would enjoy II to see his son break his
neck from ladder, Birsky."
what are you talking nonsense
break his neck from ladder?" Birsky
exclaimed.
"a scaffold is just as dangerous"
Zapp went on. Yesterday am seeing
couple fellers painting from the side
of building ten stories high, and
even though one of them was an Ital-
iener, / got so dizzy watching 'em that
before l could eat my lunch at all 1t
cost me 10 cents for some mathematic
spirits of ammonia. If / would got to
earn my living as a painter, l would
q whole lot sooner be an aviator, be-
cause while the funeral expenses is
the same as for q painter, an aviator
don't linger long enough to run up
doctors bill on his widow"
You got the wrong idea, Zapp,'
Birsky said "Maikafer's boy would
be not house painter but picture
painter"
"a picture painter :" Zapp cried.
'And / thought Max Maikafer was a
business man. Why don't he learn the
boy trade where he could make real
big money, like buttonhole maker or
q poet"
THAT only goes to show what you
know from poets" Birsky retorted.
Jake Margonin, from the Fashion
Store, Indianapolis, told me that right
now there is Teller which from only
being a poet is now owning most of
the gilt-edged real estate in the city
of Indianapolis"
''Sure, / know" Zapp declared, "but
this here teller was an old established
poet when Hart, Shaffner & Marx and
Kuh, Nathan & Fisher was new be-
ginners already. Then again, there is
a bigger opening for poet than there
is for a picture painter. Take the
canned soup business, the breakfast
food business and even some railroad
companies-all them concerns has got
working for them poets which they
already pay them good yearly sci
airy, whereas a picture painter must
got to work piecewOrk, and what for
wages could piecewOrker on pic
lures make when with my own eyes
see it bill from a wholesaler in Welt
fisch's art store, which Welfisch buys,
1912 dOZ. assorted oil paintings in
small sizes for $3S.75 a dozen, includ-
Ing shadow boxes and frames, terms
ten off sixty days, ninety days net.
Tell me about picture painters.'
'Say, there is popular price line
of pictures, and then again there is
high grade pictures" Birsky said.
"Even So" Zapp rejoined. You
must got to admit that q concern like
3. Altman & Co. carries q high grade
line of goods, and when 3. Altman
died the stock was good up-to-the-
minute stuff in every department ex-
The Watertown weekly leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1912-1917, 1917-01-03
Really Easy.

Jones-I say, Smith, you are good
hand at arithmetic?
Smith-Yes; I am considered very
good. Why?
Jones-Well, here is q little problem
for you: There was man named
Little living III Dublin, who had a
daughter Now, she was IL love with
a chap she knew her pater did not
approve of, so one day she eloped with
him. When the old man found out, he
was very angry. and at once followed
them. Now, then, what time was it?
Smith tangrHy) What time was it?
How on earth do you suppose | can
tell you? | give it up.
Jones (triumphantly)- Little
after two, of course.
The Watertown weekly leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1912-1917, 1917-01-03
DERIVING 100000 of first mortgage

DERIVING $1,000,O00 of first mortgage
per cent bonds maturing in 1916.
which is a first mortgage only on the
back door of the mill, and ON the rest
of the mill is subject to an issue of
$S,500,0O0 genwine, all wool, first
mortgage 3h per cent bonds maturing
January l, 1917 Such things you
could only do with a railroad, and be-
Heve me, Birsky, If you got indict-
lnents hanging over your head for the
rest of your lifetime, there's more
money in collecting railroads than in
collecting oil painted pictures and
don't you forget it."
(Copyright New York Tribunel
The Watertown weekly leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1912-1917, 1917-01-03
Daddy of Them All.

Jack, whose four years of life had
been spent on the farm, visited his
city cousins recently and was taken
TO see the strange creatures in a zoo.
He insisted ON running ahead of his
elders, and when overtaken was brim-
ming with questions about his discov-
cries. However. when he first saw
gasp exclaimed, That's surely some
duck p
The Watertown weekly leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1912-1917, 1917-01-03
important to Mothers
The YOUNG Idea Again.

The three-year-old son of DR.. B. S.
Potter, superintendent of the county
hospital for the incurable insane at
Julietta, has been with his father
often In his automobile when his ia
Their exclaimed: Snow, I've killed It'll"
as the engine stopped.
The boy was watching his mother
use the sewing machine recently, when
the needle broke and the machine
stopped suddenly.
"Now, you've killed 1t, mamma !" he
exclaimed.
The Watertown weekly leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1912-1917, 1917-01-03
His ScrupIeS.

I'm trying TO raise de price of a
ticket to Topeka" said the measly men
dicant. Cant you help me little,
and"
Mo- replied old Festus Poster. 81
have no grudge against the people of
Topeka, and therefore cannot consist
emily assist in sending them man
with q neck so soiled that it looks like
d section Of corduroy road, and whose
breath is like unto the reekings of a
doggery." -Kans;ss City Star.
The Watertown weekly leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1912-1917, 1917-01-03
Settling 1t.

'Pahson,' said Brother Buckaloo,
'me and Brudder Sankey Smith has
jess been havin' an intellectual 'spute
bout de pen and de swo'd. Which
does you say, sab, am de mightier?"
"Ugh-well, sah," replied sage old
Parson Bagster, 'dey bofe has DER
p'ints o. Superiority. Frinstance, de
swo'd am de best to stick into man
and de pen am de best to stick a
man into. Hurrumph !'-Kansas City
Star.
The Watertown weekly leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1912-1917, 1917-01-03
HEAL YOUR SKIN TROUBLES
With cuticura, the Quick, Sure and
Easy Way. Trial Free

Battle with Cuticura Soap, dry and
apply the Ointment. They stop itch
ing instantly, clear away pimples.
blackheads, redness and roughness. re-
move dandruff and scalp irritation,
heal red, rough and sore hands as
well as most baby skin troubles.
Free sample each by mail with Book.
Address postcard, Cuticura. Dept. L,
Boston. Sold everywhere.-Adv.
The Watertown weekly leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1912-1917, 1917-01-03
The E est Traps.

The trapper who has IL buy traps,
bats. and other trapping supplies
should he sure to get the best that
can Ia, ii9d for While the first cost
guay seem higher. the best goods are
a.uch The cheaper in the end.
The Watertown weekly leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1912-1917, 1917-01-03

no difference If the collector is collect
ing for bank, hospital, the cloth
sponger, a home or the landlord, I give
my bookkeeper instructions she should
say I just went over to Newark"
"Well, pictures is different" Birsky
continued. "a Teller which collects
pictures like B. Altman sometimes
pays enormous prices. Take for ex-
ample Mr. Widener Selig, the Philadel-
phia millionaire, and he is paying for
a picture of a mill one half million
dollars"
"What kind of a mill? ?" Zapp asked.
whats the difference what kind of
MILF" Birsky said. 81 believe it
was a flour MILL"
"a flour mill he pays half million
for it's picture Zapp said. "Why for
a quarter of the money plenty people
would have been glad to sell him a
rolling mill, and throw in a dozen pic
lures free"
'And yet you say Max Maikafer
should make from his boy a button
hole maker" Birsky continued. Take
that picture painter which turned out
the mill, understand, and if he gets
only one order when he's a new begin
ner, understand me, business could be
bad with him for the rest of his life"
"You may be right, Birsky,'' Zapp
said, "but I don't believe a picture
painter gets anywheres near the retail
price of his goods, because the profit
to the retailer must got to be enor-
nous, otherwise he couldn't live at all.
A retailer which handles them Mill
pictures runs an awful risk, Birsky.
It's the same like he would be carry
ing a line of steam yachts. If he's
only got two on hand, he's overstocked
bad already"
"Sure I know" Birsky said, "but
such q retailer also stocks a line of
medium priced pictures too. For every
Mill picture he sells, bet yer he gets
rid of a dozen Horse Shows or An
geluses."
"Of course, If the Teller carries An
gelus pictures as a side line, that's
something else again, Birsky," Zapp
said. There's big money in player
The Watertown weekly leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1912-1917, 1917-01-03
Poison Gas Found in kelp.

In the "hoaters" of kelp, or giant
seaweed of the Pacific, DR.. Seth G.
Langdon, instructor in chemistry at
the University of Washington, has dis
covered the poisonous gas carbon
The total gas content OF
these cells has from 3 to i per cent
of the carbon monOxide.
The Watertown weekly leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1912-1917, 1917-01-03
Irishman Founded British Museum.

The British museum had its origin
In an Irishman's bequest. The person
referred to was Sir Hans Sloane q
celebrated physician and naturalist,
who was born in County Down. Ireland,
April IS. 1860. After receiving a thor
ough literary and medical education he
became physician-general to the Brit
ish army, physician to the king, and
The Watertown weekly leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1912-1917, 1917-01-03
"Give My Bookkeeper Instructions She
Should Say ! Just Went to Newark"

cept the picture department., and when
1t come to the pictures they closed 'em
out to the Metropolitan Museum of
Art for practically nothing
Birsky shrugged his shoulders.
"Say, what is the use arguing with
an ignerammus like you, Zapp," he
said. Don't you know that them pic
lures which B. Altman left to the Met
ropolitan Museum wasn't taken out of
The Watertown weekly leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1912-1917, 1917-01-03
succeeded Sir Isaac Newton as presi-

succeeded Sir Isaac Newton as presi-
dent of the Royal society. He spent
several years in the West Indies, was
much interested in the development of
the American colonies and was an ac-
tive promoter in the settlement of
Georgia. In 1749 he made will be-
queathing to the nation splendid col
lection of books and natural history
specimens which had cost more than
$4,000. on condition that the govern
ment pay his family 100000 After his
death, in 1853. an act of parliament
was passed accepting the gift and pro-
yiding quarters for it. This was the
beginning of the great museum.
The Watertown weekly leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1912-1917, 1917-01-03

A single man is seldom as good as
his best girl thinks he Is, or married
man as bad as his wife suspects he Is.
The Watertown weekly leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1912-1917, 1917-01-03

The Ouinine That Does Not Affect The Head
Because of it's tonic and laxative effect Laxative
Bromo Quinne can be taken by anyone without
causing nervousness or ringing in the head. There
is only one "Bromo Quinine." H w. GROVES
signature Is on each box. 25c
The Watertown weekly leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1912-1917, 1917-01-03
Fortunes Knocks.

"Birthstones are supposed to control
our destiny. What Is yours?"
Judging from my experience In life.
81 must be brickbat."
The Watertown weekly leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1912-1917, 1917-01-03
Nothinn to Erad About

Visftor-Tou don't know who I am,
do you. Jimmy?
Jimmy-Naw!
Visitor-Aha l know who you are,
though.
.yimmy-AW. that amt nothin'-I
know that myseif.-Boston Evening
Transcript.
TaÌˆgliche Omaha tribuÌˆne. [volume] (Omaha, Nebr.) 1912-1926, 1917-01-20

lie 9iitslieSer Der S6adletOnrGg'
petition iinb, ME Der g@an9eiter
guarban" gu beriften peib. Bis b.utt
in bOaItdHbissr nntsuHinis iibsr ben
arisasforfoanu uRb bic gHtipidluns otis
IsIben asbiis6su. Die critic Brass, nit
bsnsn bi, Mitelisher hsr Expedition
S6adl,ton bsIiiirmtsH, mar BIG; sBis
iteht q nit BEN arits.2 Geit mann
IN q al enbe2' Sic tUar.n isit eHos
1914 DIN, iebe Rodridt Hbtr bic
Rritesloe, esblisbsH.
qaItur mas 9atur habm. Bod tius
mai ptreea mir @ilos, psaB mir gang
rsif fnn.