davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Grand Forks herald. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1916-1955, 1917-08-16
az Kenneth W. Payne.l

London, England, Aug. 1s.-Britain
crushed to her knees, broken In spirit
and starving! That was the German
governments picture to the German
people on Feb. / when unlimited de-
%strnction by U-boats was deoided up
on--that was the condition their enc
my was to be reduced to In three
months by the U-boats: -
Six months Of the U-boat savagery
have now passed. Today is the half
year anniversary Of supreme ruthless
ness. In twice the time they originally
allowed themselves, how nea have the
Germans come to accomplishing their
threat?
sssvvhy, I'd hardly think Eng
land was fighting wal much
less that she was blockadedw
This was the exclamation Of q noted
Australian professor who has Just suc-
ceeded I'm reaching England after
three years experience of war condi-
lions in Germany.
His establishment lie typical Of that
of most travellers when they voice their
first impression Of England today.
Outside the British isles there seems
to be considerable misconception of
what living conditions really are like
behind the barred zone" One party
Of Americans. with whom I havA just
talked actually came over supplied
with compressed food tablets. They
were. amazed to find restaurant life
hfonrishirns asssgaily sias II ftswere peace
-ap.IN EE4- d. t-N ST.
Grand Forks herald. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1916-1955, 1917-08-16
NEW AVIATION PROPHET.

Carcroft, England, Aug. 16.-Pre-
diction that mail and passengers
eventually would. cross the Atlantic
ocean from England to sthe United
States in from forty-eight to fifty
hours was made recently by Sir j..
Compton Rickett,g paymaster general,
sIttsIsni't the worldtha the American:
people want. but Just universal. peace,
Grand Forks herald. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1916-1955, 1917-08-16
IS NOT ON HER KNEES
TOU.B BOATS AND is HAVINC
LOTS OF FUN DESPITE WAR

Six months OF unbridled U-boat =
harbarity have not brought, the
Germans a single pace nearer vicL
tory over Britain. They have
brought neither misery nor de-
preston to the English people.
Food prices are very high. But In
some cases, actually not SO high as
they were before the U-boat warfare
began. People with very smallsincomes
complain bitterly about the food cost.
But the high prices do not indicate
food shortage so much as unsatisfac-
tory distribution. The best hotels are
as niggardly with tiny Jumps of it aa
IL they were Jumps Of radiums 80.
All over London posters +
BREAD.H There are supposed to
be three words on tho poster n
which Is an admohition, hut the :.
first two are SO rum together as to d
describe perfectly the article of
baked goods now served in homes
and restaurants. iii
And there the visible effect OF
six months OF undersea ruthless
ness ends. HIS #
But the Germans are Boosting of The
oyerpoweripg dread their U-boats are
bringing to England. They tell Of The
breaking morale Of the British PEG.
pie, the fear and depression and gloon
which they say the menace of the
|U-boats is spreading throughout the
populace. .e..g ,.yg (.
Grand Forks herald. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1916-1955, 1917-08-16

Hyde Park on Saturdays and Sum
days is damned with care.free
throngs. Tea tables on the lawn are
a premium. "A band Is playing.
and their sweethearts are
laying about on the grass, watching q
war plane, buzztng in practice
The lakes are black with boat
ing parties. And nobody is talking or
worrying about the war!
The whole stretch Of the Thames,
for many miles above London, Is alive
with holiday makers every weekend.
The banks are bustling with saunter-
ers. The river Itself is crowded with
motorboats and canoes.
The suburban stations are bustling
with family parties every Saturday
and Sunday, bound for the country
with lunch baskets and fishing tackle.
It Is q stirring contrast to see these
CHEEKY parties mingle on the station
platform with crowds Of burdened
men In khaki bound out to the front.
The work Of war goes grimIy
on, but pleasure as usual" seems
to be Eng1and's motto in so far as
pleasure-seeking doesn't interfere
with her wax work.
The U-boat campaign seems to have
been a tonic for England. People seem
to feel, We'll, If THAT'S the worst
the Huns can do, we've got EN-"
Britain, after six months 81 U-boat
warfare, knows the war will last an
year, but knows. also the Ger
mans have played their last card ana
1t isn't a trump.
Grand Forks herald. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1916-1955, 1917-08-16
N0CHANCE in
DUTCH HOUSES
Various Parties, Ordinarily
Bitter Enemies, Work To-
gethef in Election.

The Hague, Netherlands, Aug. L.
IN a general election unprecedented in
Dutch history all the $50 members Of
the two chambers Of parliament, with
out d single exception, have been re-
elected, and the new legislature Is the
old parliament risen to life unchanged,
with 81 Liberal Socialist majority IN
the second chamber and a majority OF
the Catho1ie-C a1vfnist coalition Of the
right In the first.
Holland witnessed the unusual sight
Of all the regular parliamentary par
not only refraining from contrasting
one another's seats but giving each
other mutual support at the polls as
against entirely outside opp0sftioti
movements. Socialists and consorva-
tive church parties, liberals and their
Calvinist oppofientssi went arnt-if1-
arm, evincing some amount OF eIis
The original cause was the desire
to avoid the disadvantages OF q Pitch
ed. battle at the polls during the war
and the fact that the prospective fIial
passing Of the pending revision Of the
constitution will involve another GEM
eral election IN a year. ALL the ,regi-
Iar political parties agreed on an cleo.
eAOh cAuS0s VA CAIS Al1OVA 1850
no political Legislation should be
submitted to The new parliament In
its prospective short existence Of
twelve months, beyond the cof1stitu.
tional bills. aOn the confirmation o.
these by q two-thirds' majority, which
maybe anticipated with little delay.
fresh elections mus. be held within q
year On the basis Of the new cOnsti-
tution.a Then will come the great po-
litical struggle, for fhe first time Tin
der q system Of universal manhood
suffrage, proportional representation
and obligatory voting, and no party OF
Right OF, Left will then give or be Civ
en- quarter.
At the election just past anti-con-
stitutiona1a revision candidates and
revolutionary socialists together only
secured q total Of $4,000 votes, as
against 10000 obtained by the retir-
ing deputies.
The result amounts to d clear exc
preston Of the nations desire to see
the pending constitutional reforms put
into effect.
sCort a der Ldnden'g cabinet re-
I1afrs unchanged in power, and will
pursue It's policy OF neutrality SO far
as foreign affairs go9I It's Legislative
program is limited to the confirma-
ton OF the constitutional BILLS, budget
business new taxes on behalf Of the
warsbirdened ~exchequer, and prspa-
ratiofis to- promote the country's In
terests after h conclusion Of peace.
Grand Forks herald. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1916-1955, 1917-08-16
AssoWATTON.

ASSOCIATION.
At Minneapolis, 6-5: st. Pau1, 1T.
At Milwaukee, 4; Kansas City, 3.
No others scheduled.
The hardest job some OF our base
ball fielders have is in fielding a high
salary.
Grand Forks herald. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1916-1955, 1917-08-16
AND PAINS

Don't neglect n pain anywhere. but
find out what cause It and conquer the
cause. A pain In the kidney regions may
put you on your back tomorrow. Don't
blame the weather for swollen feet, it
may be an advanced warning of Bright's
Disease. A pain in the tomac may be
the frst symptom of appendicitis. A
creak in a joint may be h forerunner
of-rheumatism. Chronic headaches more
than likely warn you Of serious stomach
trouble. The best way Is ito keep in
Regularly taking GOLDfMEDAL HAAR.
Lem OIL Capsules. I Sold by reliable
druggists. In boxes, three sizes. Money
refunded II they do not help yous Be
ported Haarlem Oil Capsules are the.
GOLD MEDAL.-Adv.
Grand Forks herald. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1916-1955, 1917-08-16
SPORT NEWS
NATIONAL LEAGUE
Another Split.

New York Aug. 15.-New York and
Brooklyn divided a double header for
the third straight time here today.
The Giants outhit Brooklyn in the
first game, but failed to, come through
in the pinches. Wheat. a pinch hit
ter, drove in the winning run In the
ninth. Brooklyn used John Russell, a
recruit pitcher from Vancouver. in the
second game and he was unsteady in
the first inning, New York scoring
three run Benton held Brooklyn to
four hits.
First game:
r. H. e.
Brooklyn ~. 900 200 o01-3 6 Q
New York. 900 DOL 100 IS 1
Pfeffer, Marduard, Cheney and Mil
Ter; Demaree, Perritt and Rariden,
Second game:
r. H. E.
Brooklyn 900 100 000-1 A 2
New York .....3I0 600 03x@7 10. /
Russell and Kruger; Benton and
Gibson.
Grand Forks herald. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1916-1955, 1917-08-16
CONFERENCE FAILS
TO SETTLE STRIKE

Kansas City, Mo-, Aug. 1.-two
conferences today, one attended by
Frederick L. Feick, Of the federal de-
partnient Of labor, Mayor Edwards
andastreet railway officials and q two
Hour discussion among businessmen
and strikers representatives failed TO
Indicate when Kansas City's tie-up
would cease.
Erstwhile street car patrons are
being transported In all manner Of
makeshift passenger vehicles, ranging
from, small motor cars to Ice trucks.
Grand Forks herald. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1916-1955, 1917-08-16
AMERICAN LEAGUE.
ASSOCIATION.
FLOOD IN KANSAS.

Topeka, Kans., Aug. 15.-After suf-
fering for about two months from a
drouth. which, according to an official
forecast, has cut the, corn crop to half
a yield, Kasas tonight seemed threat
ened with q flood. Heavy rains have
fallen throughout the state during the
past fortyaeight hours and at several
points rivers r reaching flood pro-
portions. n
Grand Forks herald. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1916-1955, 1917-08-16
Rally WINS.

Philadelphia. Aug. B.-Boston ral-
lied In the ftinthNtodhy and defeated;
Philadelphia. Moves and Foster had
the former was knocked unconscious
I'M Collision with Hobiitzell at first
base. The score.
Grand Forks herald. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1916-1955, 1917-08-16

Boston 100 600 o0S-=4 OK u
Philadelphia o03 100 100--2 G 2
Foster and Theinas; Noyes. soharer
and Schang.
Grand Forks herald. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1916-1955, 1917-08-16
P~iratessBeat Reds.

Pittsburgh, Aug. it. - pittsburgh
run coming in the ninth inning after
the, visitors had seemingly won the
game, The score.
r.. H. e.
Cincinnati 900 O10 DOL 8 o
Pittsburgh .010 900 002-3- s 2
Schneider and Wtngo; Miller and
Schmidt.
Grand Forks herald. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1916-1955, 1917-08-16
Hurhes, Pitching wins.

Boston. Aug. 15.-Hughes, starting
for Boston for the first time this year,
pitched his team to a victory over
Philadelphia today. Alexander was
hit hard early in the game and gave
way to a pinch hitter in the seventh.
The score:
5S r. H. E.
Philadelphia 900 900 600 s /
Boston .01b o1o 108-3 I l
Alexander, iFittery and Adams, Kill
lifer; Hughes andlTragesser.
Grand Forks herald. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1916-1955, 1917-08-16
BASEBALL GAMES
NATIONAL.

NATIONAL.
At New York, 2-T: Brooklyn, 81.
At Boston. 8; Philadelphia, %.
At Pittsburgh, 8; Cincinnati, 2.
No other game.
Games Today.
Chicago at Boston. sf
Cincinnati at Brooklyn.
St. Louis at New York.
Pittsburgh at Philadelphia.
AMERICAN.
At Cleveland, 4; Chicago. s.; ten in
nings.
At Philadelphia, Q: Boston, Z.
No others scheduled.
Open date.
Grand Forks herald. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1916-1955, 1917-08-16
AMERICAN LEAGUE
White sox Beat Indians

Cleveland, Aug. 16,-chicago de-
feated Cleveland in a tensinning game
today. thus taking three OF the four
game series. Both teams had to re-
place their pitchers, cleveland using
three and the White Sox two. Be-
cause of the injury received in yester-
days game Speaker did not play to-
day. The score:
r. II. E.
Chicago !. 900 oil 020 Is III 2
Cleveland 900 003 100 Cd 10 /
Cicotte. Scott and Schalk; Klepfer,
Conmbe, COULD and OsNeiIl.
Americus times-recorder. [volume] (Americus, Ga.) 1891-current, 1917-09-12
QUITMAN CALLS OFF
BLUE SUNDAY" LAW

QUITMAN, Ga, Sept. 12-After en-
during four blue Sundays in order to
let the people see exactly what blue
Sunday is, City Council has held
special meeting and repealed the Sun
day closing orders.
The drug stores which had been do
ing rushing business on Sundays with
soft drinks, are allowed to be open
certain hours, morning and afternoon,
but not to sell anything, except medi-
cine, cigars or cigarettes No soft
drinks may be sold or given away. The
garages are to be open in the discre-
ton of the owners, and ice and newspa-
pers are to be sold as usual.
The blue Sunday order originated
with petition from the w c. 7. U.
asking that all places of business he
closed on Sundays.
Americus times-recorder. [volume] (Americus, Ga.) 1891-current, 1917-09-12
STORY OF THE MARINE
TOLD BY GENERAL F0CH

ON THE BATTLEFIELD of the
Marine, Sept 2-(eDlayed) -Standing
on hills where scare of shell and hui
man sacrifice are now mercifully bur-
led beneath luxurious verdure, Frances
hero of the Marine, General Foch, on
September 9Th, told a notable assem-
blage how the struggling French ar
mics rolled back the German horde
and saved the nation.
1t was a solemn ceremony of conse-
Grafton, Foch stood on tn every hill
On which he stood in 1914 and person
ally received and executed Marshal
JOffre's orders for the victorious bat
tie He spoke with simple, soldierly
directness, but his auditors were all
swayed by the vigor of his phrases.
Foch's audience included Presi-
dent Poincare, Premier Ribot, Field
Marshal Joffre, Minister of War Pain
leve, General Petain, commander in
chief of Frances armies; General
Steeg, and score Of other notables
including eight Ffrench generals.
Before their eyes stretched rolling
country, beautiful and now alive with
growing crops. The assemblage stood
ecside the historic and bullet-pics~'i
Shateau Mordement, which in 1914
changed hands dozen or more times
il the desperate tide of battle. Below
.he hot sun shimmered on the gleam-
ing horne of a detachment of trumpet
ers blaring forth a paean of victory
while cavalry lined up in formal ar
ray, flashed their swords to salute
Americus times-recorder. [volume] (Americus, Ga.) 1891-current, 1917-09-12
New Point

Miss Eleanor Chambliss and Miss
Sarah Harvey returned to their homes
il Plains Monday afternoon, after a
pleasant stay of a few days last wee
kwith Miss Mary McMath.
Mrs. Lee Patton spent short while
Thursday afternoon with Mrs. R. NJ.
Deriso.
Miss Lille Hall entertained mum
Ter of her friends Saturday with a
picnic at McMath's Mill Rock was
played during the day and bathing en-,
ioyed by the guests. Those present
were Misses Lille Hall, Mary Wilder,
Edna Robinson, Eula Patton, Mary
McMath and her guest, Miss Eleanor
Chambliss; Misses Sarah Harvey, Mil
dred Deriso, Inez Dupree, Mary Der
iso, Mamie Sue McMath, Beulah and
Ella Phillips, Messrs. Jim L. Hall,
Earl Jordan, Eshton Wilder, Herman
Jordan, A. D. Clark and Prof. Calvin
Americus times-recorder. [volume] (Americus, Ga.) 1891-current, 1917-09-12

and Annie Willis Morris were visitors
at the home of Mrs. D. c. Griffin Satur-
day afternoon.
Miss Jewel Mercer, of Cordele, spent
the weekend here with her grandpar-
ents, Mr. and Mrs. L. NJ Mercer.
Mrs NJ. c. Veal and Mrs. w. T. o.
Bray were visitors at the home of
Mrs S. M Parker Friday afternoon.
Mr. and Mrs b. A Bradley and chill
dren, of Leslie, were Sunday visitors at
the home of Mr.. and Mrs. s j. Brad
ley.
Mr.. and Mrs. l.. M. Mercer, Mr. E. M.
Mercer and Miss Jewel Mercer were
Sunday visitors at the home of Mr.. and
Mrs A d. Aubrey.
Mr.. and Mrs. c. L. Autry, Mrs. Ella
Hudson and Miss Ruby Autry were Wis
itors at the home of the formers par
ents, MIR. and Mrs. David Autry, Sun
day.
Mr.. NJ H. Griffin was Sunday Wis
itor at the home of his parents, Mr..
and Mrs D. c. Griffin.
Americus times-recorder. [volume] (Americus, Ga.) 1891-current, 1917-09-12
Bale of Cotton to Acre
In Boil WeeDi Territory
Can Be Successfully Grown

ALBANY, Ga, Sept. 12.-That bale
OF cotton to the acre can be grown
in South Georgia under boil weevil
conditions has been unquestionably
demonstrated here in a fifteen-acre
test patch on the farm of George
Mock.
The test patch was cultivated by Mr..
Mock unded the supervision of the
state board of entomology an dhe has
already had enough cotton picked from
the fifteen acres to assure bale-to-
the-acre trop. This demonstration
will doubtless prove of great benefit
in encouraging the farmers to wage a
winning fight against the boil weevil in
this section.
Under the system used by Mr. Mock,
an early maturing, wilt-resisting cot
ton must be secured and the crop fer
tilted, cultivated and weevil-picked
ir strict accordance with the advice of
weevil experts. Mr. Mock has follow
ed the instructions of the state board
OF entomology to the letter, and his
success proved beyond a doubt that a
bale of cotton to the acre can be
raised here in spite of the weevils
ravages.
Americus times-recorder. [volume] (Americus, Ga.) 1891-current, 1917-09-12
Little Elizabeth Joyner Fell
While Skating on Sidewak and
Broke Right Arm AboOe Wrist

Little Elizabeth Joyner happened to
the misfortune to break her right arm
Tuesday morning. While skating on
Taylor street near the Baptist church,
she was skating backwards and look
inc back at some of her little play
mates when she aceidently struck the
tarash box, and fell, breaking her arm
tIst above the wrist. Medical attention
arrived at oncey and the broken mem
Der was set, and the littde girl is get
ting along fine and playing this morn
ing, which is good news to her many
little friends.
Americus times-recorder. [volume] (Americus, Ga.) 1891-current, 1917-09-12
New Era

Rev. J. w. Patterson filled lis rega-
lar appointment at Salem Sunday
preaching an impressive sermon to a
large and attentive congregation. There
wire also services Sunday night
Mr.. j. c. Bray, of Huntington, is the
guest of tliends and relatives htre
Wilmont, were visitors at the home of
MIR. and Mrs. E. w. Parker and son
Wilmont, were visitors at the home OF
Mr.. and Mrs. NJ. c. Veal one night last
week.
Mrs. c. n Bailey and Mrs. Mollie
'arker spent Friday afternoon with the
formers mother, Mrs B. S. aPrker.
Misses Della and Eddie Lou Parerk
Americus times-recorder. [volume] (Americus, Ga.) 1891-current, 1917-09-12
ream and Butter.
At The Markets.

Quotations by Sherlock & Coz
The Americas meat markets were
paying for choice steers, on the feet,
to &c.
Cows and heifers ....,.......4c to &c
Pork, dressed, ..................17c
Country butter SOC to Soc
Native mutton h.. L..........12 c
Native kid, per h., .....,........12 c
Americus times-recorder. [volume] (Americus, Ga.) 1891-current, 1917-09-12

WASHINGTON, D. c., Sept IL
A cold snap extending from the Miss
issippi to the Atlantic seaboard as
far north as Virginia, is expected to
moderate tomorrow Rising tempera-
ture is predicted.
Americus times-recorder. [volume] (Americus, Ga.) 1891-current, 1917-09-12
Ready
FOR WOMEN
In This Department

the seasons best models Silk and Serge Dresses Coat Suits
Briefly wish this time when will pay
TWO MIGHTY GOOD REASONS They HIGHER PRICES
KELY-and you get SEASONS WEAR garments
practice of WAR TIME ECONOMY.
Americus times-recorder. [volume] (Americus, Ga.) 1891-current, 1917-09-12
Peanut CrOn is Good.

VIENNA, Ga, Sept IA large
crop of Spanish peanuts is being har-
vested in Dooly county More peanuts
than usual were planted and the farm
ers have been very successful with
them.
Americus times-recorder. [volume] (Americus, Ga.) 1891-current, 1917-09-12

rs. R. w Wimbush and family, Of
Savannah, are guests for several days
Of Mr.. and Mrs. Neon buchanan, at
their home on Jackson street.
Americus times-recorder. [volume] (Americus, Ga.) 1891-current, 1917-09-12

Miss Mary McMath entertained
Lumber of her friends Friday night
with party at her home.
The states-graphic. (Brownsville, Tenn.) 1???-1984, 1917-03-30
THE BEST TEST
Is the Test of Time.

40 thC AC5b VI 1lHlCs
Years ago this Brownsville resident
told Of good results from using Doans
Kidney Pills. Now DR.. Battle, dentist
of Jefferson street, confirms the for
mer statement-says there has been no
return 70 the trouble. Can Browns
vile people ask for more convincing
testimony?
DR.. A. Battle says: "Aabout eight
years ago, l was troubled a great
deal by weak kidneys. The kidney Sc
cretions were too frequent and scanty
in passage and sometimes painful
My back ached and sometimes / had
sharp pains if l stopped or lifted.
Doan's Kidney Pills made me we'll and
| haven't been bothered since. The
entire credit for my cure belongs to
Doan's Kidney Pile" Statement Civ
en- February "a, 1917
OVER THREE YEARS LATER, DR.
Battle said: "There is nothing equal
to Doan's Kidney Pills for the kid.
neys. The cure they made for me has
lasted. / still have unlimited faith in
the medicine"
Price SOC at all dealers. Don't sim
ply ask for a kidney remedy-get
Doan's Kidney PillsTthe same that DR..
Battle has twice publicly recommend
ed. Foster-Milburn Co., Props, Buff
falo, N. Y.
The states-graphic. (Brownsville, Tenn.) 1???-1984, 1917-03-30
DON'TS FOR RURAL
MAIL PATRONS

Don't put loose pennies in the box.
The carrier is not required to fish them
out. He hasn't got the time. Don't
wrap them in paper. Place them in a
little receptacle, such as a jar lid or
cup.
Don't ask the carrier to pay the pos
tage on your parcels. Give him
enough money, or more than enough
he is under bond to return what money
lis not required for the postage.
Don't try to send open letters con-
tanning writing for a penny. They go
at regular postage, 2 cents.
Don't ask the carrier to enclose
money or postage stamps in your let
tiers.
Don't think you can return a pack
age to Philadelphia or New York for
the same postage that brought it.
Most of the packages are sent part of
the way by freight or express to save
postage.
Don't ask the carrier to replace
stamps that he left in your box, unless
you are dead sure that he forgot to
leave them.
Don't ask the carrier to wait while
you finish writing your letter.
Don't write lot of instructions for
he carrier to follow when you can 90
,ut TO the box and tell him.
Don't use box without a signal.
The states-graphic. (Brownsville, Tenn.) 1???-1984, 1917-03-30

Don't expect mail box to last for
ever. Most of them here have been in
use over dozen years.
Don't expect the carrier to do your
shopping-he has troubles of his own,
Don't try to ride with the carrier.
unless you are postmaster, an in
spector or road supervisor.
Don't always expect the carrier To
follow the rules of the road. He has
boxes to serve on both sides.
Don't lay stamp on your tongue
and absorb all the glue and expect II
to stick with what spittle remains on
the stamp.
Don't forget that there. are other
patrons on the route to be served the
same day.
Don't forget that penny is NOD
enough postage to carry a metropoHl
tan newspaper.
Don't place your mail box on post
SO that the carrier has to stand up IN
his vehicle to serve it.
Don't forget that all mail matter de-
posted IN boxes should be stamped
Inc pay IN money" plan was only ar
ranged for people who did not have al
chance to buy stamps-you have al
chance six days in the week. Some
people never buy stamps; they don't
seem to care how much trouble they
cause the carrier.
Don't expect the carrier to make out
your money order application. That's,
Tor you to do. These applications arel
70 avoid mistakes. What good are
sney to you if made out by the car
rier?
The states-graphic. (Brownsville, Tenn.) 1???-1984, 1917-03-30
CE GOT SWALLOWED UP

( n the talk at dinner party in
Ill 2 ngton some time ago drifted
K 1 to the subject of facial beauty
n Crawford of South Dakota
!, eminded of the following little
Was A man one day went to a bar
) aTodop to get shaved. No sooner had
I SenSt comfortably adjusted in the
!, rs chair than he fell asleep. The
1rial artist" patiently struggled
the job before him, but in a short
. was obliged to give up.
, Excuse me, sir" he said, shaking
us customer gently. would you mind
gaking up? / simply can't shave you
Fhile you're asleep"
Can't shave me while Pm Sleep
ng!" exclaimed the drowsy fellow,
apparently considerably surprised.
Why can't your"
Because, sir" the barber explain
ed, when you fall asleep your mouth
opens so wide that | can't find your
ace"