Five Mile Beach weekly journal., 1917-04-13

ius-our society editor"
"You don't sayT
"Yes. The paper simply couldn't ex.
list without him."
"That SO? Queer Colonel Starbuck
lever told me anything about him"
unused the caller.
"Oh, you know the colonel, do your
asked Blake.
Eyes, we're what l might call slight,
ly acquainted l had a little business
transaction with him the other day"
sold you a gold brick, I suppose"
and Barney winked humorously at the
rest of the staff.
Don't know yet whether 1t will turn
out to be a gold brick or not. Reckon
l shan't worry any if it does. I've in
vested in gold bricks before, and the
way I figure it it's nobody's business
but my own If | do it again."
"Oh, l see," said Barney smoothly.
"a trile touchy on the gold brick ques-
ton, eh. Mr.-er-Hayseed, is it?"
"Not quite. Hayden happens to be
my name. Didn't make quite as slick a
guess as you did on the Horace. But
go ahead and call me Hayseed If you
like. You can remember that nam
better than Hayden probably, and l
guess 1t fits me about as well as the
other, anyhow. Don't it strike you
that way?"
'Oh, no, you're no hayseed! You're
right from Chicago or New York city
anybody could tell that from the cut
Of your jibr' And Barney again passed
the wink to the others, who all felt in
duty bound to roar at the managing
EDITORS wit.
mice, genial staff you've got. Chuck
full of fun, amt they? | hope they're
not laughing at me. Hain't got a
Please Kick Me- sign pinned to my
back, have II"
THAT'S all right, Uncle Horace"
purred Barney. Don't go to getting
excited. The boys are just spelling for
a little fun-been working under steam
pressure today-but hone of them would
ever be guilty of-er-by George, they
have, just the samei But it doesn't
read, Please Kick Me- it says, We're
From the Farm And If l only knew
the deep dyed villain who pinned it on
you I'd discharge him this instant-yes,
sir, this very instant-and I'd tell him
not to come around again until tomor-
row morning." he added In a stage
whisper as he stepped around behind
the rural looking visitor and removed
the offending sign, deftly replacing it
by another handed him by n of the
crowd, reading, "Turnips For Sale"
'"There; that looks better" observed
Barney, at which everybody roared
promptly once more.
"Not quite so much levity, boys" said
Barney reprovingly. II am going to
show our friend here through the Ar
gus establishment, and l want to see
how well you can behave WHILE
Bif!
A big wad of paper came sailing
across the office and caromed on the
ear of the caller.
'That was our baseball editor who
did that," explained Barney coolly.
"'Force Of habit, l suppose. He proba-
bly, imagined he was throwing a ball at
first base. Don't let that happen again,
Higgins"
"All right, sir" glibly responded the
young man who had thrown the paper.
Mistake, anyhow. I was aiming at
the wastebasket."
We'll, seeing you've a~pologized, it is
all right" said Barney, with mock SO.
lemnity.
"Now, Mr.. Hayseed-I should say
Hayden-you have already been intro
duced to our baseball and society edi-
tors, and if you will cast your optics
over the rest of the collection of gen.
fuses before you I will enlighten you as
to their duties, so that when you go
back to the farm you will understand
the secret of the Argus success in
gathering and disseminating the daily
news of the entire world, including the
city and county of Boomopolis.
1.-THE exceedingly tall, thin young
man with the short hair and promi-
nent ears is Mr.. Perkins, our secret
service reporter and war correspond
ent. His build, as you will notice, fits
him admirably for the position. He is
20 thin he can crawl over a transom
without the slightest difficulty"
you don't say!"
"Fact, 1 assure you. And that is
why a thin man has a marked advan-
tage over a 200 FOUNDER. 1t requires
less gas to carry him, and if he falls
from a balloon it doesn't muss him up
80 much as it would a fat man, there
by effecting a big saving in doctors
bills for repairing broken ribs, ETC."
81 see. Quite an idea, that"
Eyes, and, besides, a thin man occu-
pies less space and leaves more room
in the basket of the balloon for the
wireless message apparatus. You see,
as fast as the war correspondent in a
balloon gets a message ready to send
in to the paper he grinds it out on a
wireless sending machine, something