The Washington herald., 1917-11-04
GOOD MORNING
JUDGE
All Very simple,
BY RUDOLPH PERKINS.

All Very Simple.
NINETY days in JAIL" said the court
to Lizzie johnson. a lady tramp.
"Whyfo yo gimme ninety days? All
amt done nothin' >" said Lizzie very
peevishly.
That is the reason I have to send
you to Jail, because you do nothing.
Besides, you have just admitted that
you have no home. Therefore 1t is up
to me to provide one for you."
Lizzie had been arrested by Police
man Roane after sne had been sleep
ing in q lunchroom, on top of the pots
and pans,
This was very unsanitary, besides
being very impolite. as the lunchroom
keeps open all night.
The cook complained about reach
ing for the frying pan and not being
able to find 1t. So he introduced Liz
Zie to Mr.. Roane.
Some "Nap."
Wilson Adkins sat in the Union Sta
ton the other night making a noise
like a sawmill.
Policeman Armstrong woke him up.
because people couldn't hear the train
announcer with the noise he made
with his snoring.
When he staggered to his feet. Will
son dropped quart Of whiskey out
of his pocket and it broke on the floor.
Then he tainted.
He had come into a warm place
with a quart on the inside and one on
the outside. The warm air made him
sleep.
He was on his way to bone dry"
| VIRGINIA with liptrpr- in hiS mock
ct. He was locked up.
That little nap cost him s25. Be-
sides II he hadn't taken a nap and
broke the quart, he would have been
held on a more serious charge.
Already he had been spotted by
agents of the Department Of Justice
and they were waiting until he had
crossed the line.
Wilson didn't have the SIS so he
went down for thirty days
It's a Hard Old World.
Rosie Jones and Grace Shepherd
were two inseparable companions.
Every time Policeman Roane would
see one he would see the other.
He used to wonder where they lived
and who paid their board bill. But
that part is all settled now.
Friday night he arrested the pair
for being vaSrants. He had watched
them flirting with the boys Few
minutes, then grabbed them both.
They were very indignant about be-
ing nabbed. 1t had never happened
before. they said.
Rosie said she was waitress.
Grace said she helped Rosie to be
a waitress. Such a funny yarn. A
hard days work would have put
either in the hospital
1t is a hard proposition these days
for a person who works every day
to get something to eat. 1t is very
nervy to go around begging come
thing to eat from people who have
to earn their bread by the sweat Of
their brow.
So down the river both went for
sojourn of half a month.
They Were No. 12's.
"Jedge, All wuz standin' talkin' to
some fren's Ell dis woman cum along
wild NAH shoes on. Dey wuz nah
good shoes. All paid s. fob DEM
But that did not allow you to
hit her with a brick" said the court
to Harry Brown, charged with as
saulting Elsie Jones.
But, Yonner, suppose she stole yo
shoes. wouldn't 20 do somefin ter
her?' came back Harry.
MY shoes" answered the court
ARE entirely too small"
"Jedge. dat man is lyin' en- he knows
he is. He tole me All could weah
his shoes weneber All felt lax it,"
piped in Elsie. who weighed a trife
under 800 pounds.
The poor girl had so much weight
on her feet that Harry feared for
his shoes. And he didn't want to
send her home barefooted.
So he called on the nearest brick
and threw it at her jaw and knock
ed out her chewin gum.
That little prank cost him SO ant
the love of little Elsie.
Let "Jarge" Do 1t.
Josephine Kramer was upstairs FRI
day evening combing her hair. Or
rather she was Strengthening some of
the kinks.
large" she yelled downstairs. Cum
up heah en- fix dis winder shade,
| heah me-
| But large" had his head out OF
widow next door. OF course he didn't
! hear. So he said.
Wifey rushed downstairs suspicious
( to the roots of her hair. George
had always been an obedient hus-
| band. Never before did she have TO
call twice in the same place.
She rabbed him by the trouser seat.
George hauled off and sent her into
the land OF dreams. 1t took e5 cents
worth OF ammonia to bring her to.
1t is hardly likely that Josephine
will ever "bulr' her large" again
and neither will George ever land on