The Daily Missoulian. [volume] (Missoula, Mont.) 1904-1961, 1917-04-19

made US wait. We had nothing to do but stand in
the road. and watch the Shells and wait our turn.
tried to follow the course Of every she'll My
head was continually twisting. l jumped at every
explosion. could not control the muscles Of my
back and shoulders. But stepped out Of the line
and walked little way into the field, toward the
shells wanted to sec u could do It. got close
| enough so that could hear piece Of shell whiz
/ past my car. Then l waited for another piece It
was a hard job. but waited. leaning on MY rife
and looking at the grousd little way in front Of
. me- where the last shell had exploded II had
moved my eyes from that spot could not have
stayed. Not until the third came did hear
another piece Of shell. Tho others had struck too
| far to side
Now I can go back" ! said to myself But I
| walked very fast going back
In the boyau 1t was not 80 bad. A French "a Won
mad como up and chased away the Bochc
When We had returned he thought over all the
things that he had made himself do and 1t seemed
| to him that. having done them once. It would be
easy enough for him to do them again. But he was
not so sure. He felt somehow that he could never
get quite used to it. lie could never learn to take
1t all cooy. He knew he still afraid: there
was no use trying to deceive himself about it, He
could go on and keep telling himself that he had
conquered the fear and that II longer disturbed
him, but in his heart he would know 1t wasn't true
that he was still boy who whistles in the
was afraid l knew that. l have always been
afraid. and there has always been the question in
my mind If my fear would conquer Or If would
conquer my fear.
There was the time when 1t became necessary
to take message from support trenches to our
advanced lines in the Bois des Corbeaux. There
was tir dc barrage to be crossed and volunteers
were called for. I chosen.
BY that time had formed the theory. that man
can do anything II his duty demands It of him and
he will keep that In his mind. 1t a part of the
thought that to that first day in the boyau
and developed 1t later In the long nights The
first day had no really coherent thoughts only Il
great fear of my own fear Aftcrward found that
could control 1t if there reason And then
found that the reason France.
or course. you may say that it France that
made me volunteer, but do not think think
it was shame-shame that feared to go when
others went. With all the good reasons that had
for not going. with the doctors word knew never
thelcss. it was fear that kept me back. 1t be-
cause could not tell the truth to my wife and
friends and ncighbors that went.
Only afterward did find out that a great duty
will take a man any place with a calm lnind. I
stood against German attacks. I was intcounter-
attacks. lay out in shell. holes helping to hold
line where there were trenches. never forgot
my fear. but thought Of France mNcountry. my
duty: and though shivercd and the cold sweat
rolled off me- held steady. 1.
Have you a tir dc barraaeo You can
walk up TO it and draw limo WITH surveyors
chain on the ground, marking exactly the limit
where the shells fall. and all beyond that line will
he mass Of boiling earth, like waves in a storm
dashing rock coast. There is no lnterval be-
tween the explosions. They Constant. unremit-
ting. one following closely on another that their
detonations minglc in steady roar. III
came within fifty yards Of the tir dc barragc.
| and stopped to watch it, and try TO- mark out a
path. but no path was possible. No sooner
| one chosen than it wiped out all the little
landmarks gone, the whole face Of the ground
changed by new rain OF shells. My heart sank.
My stomach went suddenly empty. l knew that l
could not go. had found the point where my fear
was greater than my duty. ! lay fiat down the
earth. | do not know how long lay. l thought of
nothing There was only horrible blank fear
And then he says that he found unconscously
that he was digging his fingers into the ground.
clutching the dried roots of the grass. and pulling
himself into the tir dc barragc. To all intents and
purposes he did not know which way he was going:
he had become almost like beaten and frightened
animal. lie says he might well have been going
the other way, save that he recalled that when he
had flung himself down, his face had been turned
toward his duty He continues:
When made that discovery got to my feet and
stood upright for second not more only time to
say II must not give myself timo to think" and
race as that is like the last steps of dying horse
ono that has broken blood vessel strlining for
the wire and plunges his face in the midst Of his
stride. floundcred blndly into the raw earth and
fell again on my face But this time my mind was
working. There was only thing for me to do
and knew IT. That was to go + crawlcd for
ward my hands and knees ! could not stand
1t would be certain death. Twenty times
knocked flat, my wind gone, by the explosion of
shell almost beside me. But I crawled I did
not know If had been hit. thought had. Two
hundred yards crawled through the tir dc barrage
| and then + got to our lines. They gave me the
Mcdaillc Militairc for that.
You asked me why | smiled when you came ny
!, to us in the trench wondering what YOU
had to take you through the shells. thought of
my own struggles. wondered if you had any Of
the thoughts that have crowded in on under
fire And / smiled.
The next time saw him was in hospital back
OF the Sonmc, of the hospitals where wounded
soldiers stay only few hours unless they are too
1..lI