The Benson signal., 1917-12-29

enough pocket money. But the idea
of an old unpaid grocery bill made me
sick. talked things over with mother
the next day-told her wasn't going
to college-said I was going to get
| job. I got her to let me run all the
accounts after that, and to attend to
everything. And I got a job and be-
gan paying my way within week."
eff T had a thing like that to re-
member" said Rose unsteadily, 'Td
never forget to be proud of it so long
as lived"
81 wish I could be proud of it," said
Portia. "But couldn't help making
sort Of grievance Of it, too. In all these
years I've always made mother afraid
of me-always made her feel that 1 was
somehow contemptuous Of her work
and ideas. / grubbed away until got
things Strengthened out, so that her
income was enough to live on-enough
for her to live on. I'd pulled her
through. But then :"
"But then there was me-" said Rose.
II thought I was going to let you
co." Portia went on inflexibly. "But
things didn't come out that way-at
least I couldn't make up my mind to
make them-so you went to the uni
versity. paid for that, and I paid
for your trousseau, and then I was
through"
Rose was trembling, but she didn't
finch. "Wh-what was it," she asked
quietly, "what was it that might have
been different and wasn't? Was it
was it somebody you wanted to marry
that you gave up so could have
my chance?'
Portals hard little laugh cut like
knife. "You have always thought me
cold," she said. $50 has mother. I'm
not, really. Tm-the other way. I
don't believe there ever was a girl that
wanted love and marriage more than
I. A man did want me to marry him
at last, and for a while thought
would. Just-just for the sake of mar
rying somebody. He wasn't much, but
he was someone. But knew I'd come
to hate him for not being someone else,
and I couldn't make up my mind to
it. So took you on instead.
"I stopped hoping, you see, and
tried to forget all about it. And, in
a way, succeeded. 7 was beginning
to get real jobs to do-big jobs for
big people, and it was exciting. That
made it easier to forget. I was begin
ming to think that some day I'd earn
my way into the open, big sort of life
that your new friends have had for
nothing. And then, week ago, there
came the doctor and cut off that
chance.
| "And yet" she leaned suddenly
forward, and the passion that had
been suppressed in her voice till now,
leaped up into flame-"and yet, can
you tell me what I could have done
differently? I've lived the kind of life
they preach about-a life of noble
sacrifice It hasn't ennobled me. It's
made me petty-mean-sour. It's
withered me up. Look at the differ
ence between us Look at you with
your big, free spaciousness-your pow
er of loving and attracting love Why,
you even love me, now, in spite of all
I've said this morning. I've envied
you that-Ive almost hated you
for it.
"No, that's lie! I've wanted to.
The only thing I could ever hate you
for would be for failing. You've got
to make good! You've had my share
as we'll as yours-yOure living my
life as we'll as yours. I'm the branch
they cut off so that you could grow.
If you give up and let the big thing
slip out of your hands the way you
were talking this morning, because
you're too weak to hold it and haven't
pluck enough to fight for it :"
Look at me-" said Rose. The
words rang like a command upon
battlefield.
Portia looked. Roses blue eyes
were blazing. II won't do that" she
said very quietly. II promise you
that" Then the hard determination
in her face changed to something soft:
er, and as if Portals resistance count
ed no more than that of a child, she
| pulled her sister up in her arms and
held her tight. And so, at last, Portia
| got the relief of tears.