davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington herald., 1917-01-14
Was He Really Stupid

young foreigner was being tried in
court and the questioning by the lawyers
on the opposite side began.
Now, Lazzky. what do you do?'
'Ven?" asked Lazzky.
When you work, of course" said the
lawyer
IVY, work.
Il know" said the lawyer, but what
at?'
AT bench"
"oh" groaned the lawyer. Where do
you work at a bench?'
I'm factory"
What kind of a factory"
Brick"
You make bricks "
No, de factory is made OF bricks
Now, Lazzky, what do you make in
that factory?'
Eight dollars a week.
No, no! What does the factory maker
Il dunno; lot Nv money, think
Now, listen! What kind of goods
does the factory producer"
Oh" said Lazzky, good goods"
II know, but what kind OF good goods?'
The best"
The best of what?"
The best there is
"Of what?" ...-. ..-
"Of dose goods"
Your honor" said the lawyer, Il gi$e
up."-New York Sun.
The Washington herald., 1917-01-14

spectacle we have hadsrecentiy of Ger
man-horn' officials and German-born
bankers entering into q propaganda to
mislead and bedevil the President ana
lay him open to the rebuff he has re-
ceived from the allies.
Have Lost Friendship of All.
also resent that spirit in which the
efforts In behalf of that madly desired
Serman peace have been received In Ger
many. One might suppose that when Am
bassador Gerard made his speech 1t was
for the purpose of laying the ground Tor
an alliance between Germany and the
United States so we could have friend
somewhere. But no. On the other hand
We Gee him criticise by the German press
because the Teutonic editors suspect that
he has IN some way come 1t over Won
Bethmann-H Hollweg and obtained an
agreement to stop submarine warfare
against neutrals.
Thus we are now in the position of hav-
Ing lost in large measure entente friend
ship. while the Germans having no fur
tier use for us. are beginning to abuse
the well-mea ming Ambassador to Berlin.
Will also venture the opinion that II
there had been no attack on allied credit
and IL there had been no German propa-
ganda the Presidents peace efforts would
have born more fruit.
CANDID AMERICAN.
Annapolis, Md, January 13, 1917.
The Washington herald., 1917-01-14
There Are Pockets by the Fence |!
BY ANON Y. NOUS.

By ANON Y. NOUS.
Hist! The house-it Ia. surrounded,
Goodness gracious-how we're bounded!
Great democracy's unfoundedI
This is awful; what suspense!
Look. What's that7 A banner waving.
Like a loon they'll have me raving,
o such naughty misbehaving- e.
There are pickets by the fencei
Pickets IN the fence, that's decent:
But the impudence malfeasant
OF this innovation recent;
It's effrontry Is immense
Are these ladies anger batting?
chivalry they'll turn to hating,
OZis't merely "watchful waiting
BY those pickets-by the face?
Silent. sad. sweet suffrage sisters,
Standing TIL thy feet are blisters
Trying to brow-beat US misters;
Obstinacy most intensel
I'll protest in angry passion
'Gainst this latest London fashion.
Write 4 note without compassion,
Chase thee far from my front fenc>s
The Washington herald., 1917-01-14
ROOM FOR CONJECTURE.

John Mason. the actor. told this story
In a club the other night as an Illus
tration Of the enthusiastic way in which
some young girls describe scenes and
personages.
Some time ago a charming young wom-
an returned from a visit to a girl friend
in distant town. and lost no time in
imparting all the glad tidings to her
dearest chum.
"Oh, Gertie." she exclaimed in an &C.
static voice, ut was really the best time
ever had. Such lovely dances and din
ners! And you should have seen the
young man i meti We"
You don't mean itv' curiously inter-
tected Gertie. What was he like?"
He was too handsome for anything
enthusiastically replied dear, 80 grand
So. square! So upright So highly pol
fshed! There seemed to be a sympa-
thetic tone" -
Look here, Maybelle," smilingly broke
IN Gertie' again, ARE you talking about
a young man or a piano o?'-Philadelphia
Evening telegraph.
The Washington herald., 1917-01-14
Sound Financial Judgment
Dictates Credit to Allies

Thomas w. Lamont in Golfers Weekly
nave been asked to present some
OF the reasons why those who have
been active in issuing foreign loans
here believe such a policy to be wise
In the permanent interests of American
trade and industry In encouraging
American investors to make loans to
Canada, France, Great Britain, Russia.
ana Italy. and to other European as
well as South American countries, we
have had chiefly in mind continu-
ance OF this country's present pros
perity:
First; The Upbuilding of Our Ex-
port Trade-Our exports of merchan-
disc have increased from s2,355, 600, 900
In the year ending June 80, 1914, to
1888 100000 for the similar twelve
menths OF 1918, and to figure esti-
mated at over $4,000. .000. 900 for the
calendar year 1915. Sixty per cent OF
our merchandise exports is being
shipped to Great Britain, France, and
Russia. The officials OF these govern
ments have always made It clear that
they could not continue to purchase
American farm produce and manufac-
tured goods upon the present scale.
unless America granted them reason
able time in which to pay for a part
of their purchases. Such credit op-
erations have always been part of
the commercial intercourse of civil
lied nations. and have been perhaps
the most important single factor in
building up international trade.
Credits Mean Strength.
The great credits which countr.- -
like Great Britain and France hold
all over the world largely represent
debts owing to them for goods which
they have sold and shipped.
The strength. in both a commercial
and financial way, which this great
volume of credits has yielded to these
countries, is almost incalculable.
With our>eXport trade amounting to
$50 for every man, woman and child
in the country (as against s25 in 1870,
1t must be clear that our foreign
transactions not only concern business
men and bankers, but touch the liveli-
hood of all the 10000. 900 people in
this country. A few figures will en-
phasize the truth OF this statement.
showing the values of the chief ar
ticles exported in 1916 as compared
with 1918:
The Washington herald., 1917-01-14
Jottings from Jokers

Mrs. X.-Bothered with time-vsstinE
callers, are you7 Why don't you try my
plan? Mrs. Y.-what is your plant Mrs-
X.-why, when the bell rings, / put on
my hat and gloves before / press the
button. II il proves TO be some one I
don't want to see, ] simply say, so
sorry, but I'm Just going out" Mrs..
Y.-But suppose it's some one you want
to see? Mrs. X.-Oh. then I say. so
fortunate. I've just come tn.''-Pittsburgh n
Dispatch.
Horrors, While mother was sleep
ing the baby licked all the paint
on q toy
No; OF mother Kansas city Jour
nal.
Was the editor much impressed by
your poem on optimism. Scriblets7' He
must have been. ] didn't suppose could
write anything that would make a hu-
man being look so utterly dejectedl'-
Birmingham Age-Herald
The Washington herald., 1917-01-14
The Cary Resolution.

Following the defeat of the Under
wood amendment to the Sheppard
District prohibition bill which passed
the Senate on Tuesday, The Wash
ington Herald suggested in an edi-
torial printed on Wednesday, January
10, that real referendum bill for the
District be introduced.
This suggestion was made follow
ing the maiden speech of Senator
Kirby. who opposed the referendum
amendment of Senator Underwood,
giving as his reason that the amend
ment was not real referendum law
for the District such as now is in
vogue in several of the States, pro-
viding for the enacting of certain de-
sired and undesired legislation, and
referring tito the voters of the Com
monwealth for approval or disap-
proval
The Herald, in supporting Mr.. Kir-
by, predicted that there was a feeling
in Congress that the District, in being
deprived Of the right of voice in
its own affairs, is unjustly treated.
Following the editorials of The Her
aid on the subject, Congressman
Cary, of Wisconsin, ranking mem
Der of the House District Committee,
yesterday introduced a resolution for
an advisory referendum for the Dis
trict of Columbia.
The proposed bill gives the Com
missioners- charge of the referendum
and provides election machinery 1t
is significant fact that the bill which
provides a referendum on a number
OF subjects, by its introduction at this
time is understood to have a direct
bearing on the coming prohibition
fight Another feature of the resolu-
tion is that in giving the citizens of
the District the vote on the referen-
dunn, no distinction is made as to
sex.
Congress must realize that the sta
tus of the District of Columbia under
the present regime, wherein its posi-
tion is but that of pawn on the
legislative board, is we'll nigh intol-
cradle. To sit idly by, year after
year, and watch a Congress made
up of men who pass bill after bill
vitality affecting our citizens and our
business without giving US so much
as chance for a protest, cannot help
being CALLING to our citizenry.
While the resolution offered by
Congressman Cary is not so broad
in its scope as it might be, there can
be no question as to its being a force
for justice and its introduction
proves that We have just cause for
complaint when denied referendums
on measures of vital importance to
our city.
The Washington herald., 1917-01-14

The most logical effect of the
Webb-Kenyon liquor law will be to
establish Home distillation in those
dry States which are not opposed to
the consumption of liquor, but to the
conditions under which 1t is sold. A
similar tendency will probably pre-
vail in the wet States which already
realize that anti-saloon does not
necessarily mean anti-alcohol The
vital consideration, however, seems
to lie not so much in these aspects
as in the ultimate effect upon inter
state commerce.
The Washington herald., 1917-01-14

George L. Lorillard, first secretary
of the American diplomatic mission
to the Balkans, has resigned, be-
cause he considered President Viii
sons note to the belligerents dis
grace" Any man so lacking in
diplomacy as to pull" stunt like
that is better out of the State De-
partfnent service anyhow, we opine.
The Washington herald., 1917-01-14

Now comes man in Wilmington,
Del, who has invented solidifed
gasoline, put IN pills. Armed with
a box of these and few Of the new
beer capsules, prohibition can have
no terrors for those who thi. I,
The Washington herald., 1917-01-14

"Hot Bricks Provided for Suffragist
Pickets," announces headline. AL
though these bricks are provid d to
keep the feet of the pickets warm it
would be we'll to remember that in
the past suffragists have found other
uses for bricks.
The Washington herald., 1917-01-14

Serene optimism is shown in the
warning issued by a Florida news
paper which cautions us ITO watch
our salary envelopes-SIoo counter
felt bills are in circulation"
The Washington herald., 1917-01-14

II all these warning nations really
believe that peace is impossible at
this time, why devote all this paper
and labor in writing notes?
The Washington herald., 1917-01-14

Why not call in regular plumbers,
as those embryo ones in the House
of Representatives seem unable to
find the cause of the 'Teak?"
The Washington herald., 1917-01-14

Get drink of whiskey and tsfK
war to your hearts content" reads
4 sign in a certain well-known bar
room. Well? Its only a natural
sequence of events, isn't it?
The Washington herald., 1917-01-14

Despite the forces that have been
invoked, there seems to be consider
able difficulty in making Thomas w.
Lawson wear the goats clothing.
The Washington herald., 1917-01-14

Greece is receiving so many ulti-
matums from the entente that she
can hardly keep track of them, let
alone answer them.
The Washington herald., 1917-01-14

Msryland's Gretna Green broke all
records last year. The H. c. L. can't
faze young Dan Cupid.
The Washington herald., 1917-01-14

A Texas newspaper nonchalantly
announces that "a boy was hurt"
when an iron safe dropping from a
second-story window hit him on the
head. Which is rather remarkable
If the boy was a native of the State.
The Washington herald., 1917-01-14

The season for hunting the "Thaw"
millions is again open to the attor-
neys.
The Washington herald., 1917-01-14
Today's Events.

Missionary rally, Church Of the Epiphany q
street near Fourteenth street northwest 4 D m
Lecture. "Humas Merchandise" Quilfrid Gribble
Perpetual Building Hall. p m
Lecture. What the Bible Says About the
European War" r. o. Alexander. Polls Theater
p.
Address, The Trial Of Jesus from a LAWYERS
Standpoint" Congressman Walter NJ Chandler,
Petworth NJ. Z. Church Grant Circle. p m
Address, Senator Fl. F. Hollis, before Junior
Temple Society," Eighth Street. Temple, $50 D. m
Public meeting. Afro-American wsge-earnng
women, under auspices Of the American Federation
OF Labor Columbia Academy. 7O4 I street north
west, p m.
The Washington herald., 1917-01-14

To B. V. D. or not to B. V. D.
That is the question.
The Washington herald., 1917-01-14

The custom of hand shaking dates back
to Henry II. Of England
The Washington herald., 1917-01-14
A LINE O. CHEER
EACH DAY O. THE YEAR.

Ffru printing Of an original poem. written tsiy
for rhs Washington Hsrald.
The Washington herald., 1917-01-14

The skylark and the, woodlark are
Thought to be the only birds which sing
Las they ny.
The Washington herald., 1917-01-14
As TO oPPoRTUNI

BY John Kendrfck Bangs.
The Washington herald., 1917-01-14

As TO OPPORTUNITY.
The day when Opportunity
Came knocking at our door
And beckoning to you and me
Led on to Fortunes store,
Has passed away with other days,
And now it is mans habit
To seek his chance out on the ways,
And when he sees It grab II!
(Copyrisht, lsl7.l
The Washington herald., 1917-01-14
AMUsENfENTs

AMUsEMENTs
Keith's-Vaudeville, and SIS p m
Polfs-'Little Women" Bis p. m.
Gayety-Burlesque, and Sis D. m.
Co,umha-Action pictures. 5 to 1870 p m.
strand-Photoplsys. to Io30 .. m.
Garden Photoplays, to 1880 D. M.
The Washington herald., 1917-01-14

tle dllles Itel Inat tney. are making q
contest for the freedom of small nations
and against the menace Of militarism, and
considering that they have again and
again stated their purpose which was to
end such menaces as became an active
force in August, 1914, that the entente
statesmen felt that they had grounds
for suspicion.
Made Peace sMockery.,
WelLmeaning men had rushed in where
the President feared to tread from the
very outbreak of the war. I recall that
cur own Oscar Strauss was busying HIM
self In London in August, 1914, trying to
bring about peace, but after a talk with
Sir Edward Grey he came home with q
prodigious flea in his ear. Later, Henry
Ford tried to do the same thing and
made peace a mockery. What all these
gentlemen have failed to see is that there
Is something at the bottom of the con-
nict for which, not only are millions of
men laying down their lives, but for
which the nations fighting Germany will
rather cease to exist than submit In
other words these countries will fight
until they are destroyed rather than
make inconclusive peace with Germany.
This is where the President was misled.
He conceiyes that since Germany SAYS
that the war was forced upon her and
since the entente countries say the same
thing that one Is In as bad light as the
other. and that by-gones should be by
cones.
should like to know who It was told
the President that the entente countries
would listen with patience to his note.
He was basely deceived. He was misled.
AS an American / believe in fair-play
between nations and resent ths
Harrisburg telegraph. [volume] (Harrisburg, Pa.) 1879-1948, 1917-04-03

OF
and
with
staff this probably
that
Caldwell
machine abnormal
whe
sordd
a
a
He to What should have
conditions"
Jus what you'd cage erlyc he
$50
of
R
celebr crest
of
the entre
useful appearance
Harrisburg telegraph. [volume] (Harrisburg, Pa.) 1879-1948, 1917-04-03
Calhoun Signs Recruits
For Wilkes-Barre Team;
Training Starts Next Week

Wilses-Barre, Pa. April S.-Within
= few weeks. Manager Calhoun, of
the Barons will have a small army OF
ball players working out e. Diamond
Park.
In all, there are over 50 men
claimed by the Wilkes Barre club.
consisting of catchers. pitchers, in-
fielders and outfielders. 1t is not
thought Calhoun will have all of
these men come here for spring
training.
Tho following men are on the local
roster:
Catchers - Joe Breiger. James
Wood, Brooklyn, y. Y; Charles
Green. Jamestown; Frank Snyder.
Wilkes Barre; Mike Giddo. doubtful;
Cotter.
Pitchers - Walter Harmed. Wilkes
Barre: Mike Beretski. Larksville;
Herbert Kutz. Wilkes -Badrre; o.
Tuero. Toronto: W. l.. Meehan, Pat
ton, Pa; s. Tencate. Uniontown. Pa;
w. II. Dolan, Buffalo: L. A. Renter,
Elgin, ILL.,. doubtful; Pat Finn, Sugar
Notch: Nerbaut.
Outfelders j. W. Orcutt. Charles
ton, w Va; Del Drake, Findlay. o.;
Bernard Dunn. Wilkes Barre; ]. y.
Brown, Reiderdown, Md; Harry
Wilson, Franklin, y. J.: Ed. Nickols
Conneaut. o.; J. 3. Bail. Uniontown;
w. Moody. West Leisenring. Pa.
Tnfielders - c. W. Kraft. Kansas
City. Mo-; Enos Fitzpatrick. Pitts
burgh; Ted Walsh, Carbonate; Lewis
Jones. Newark. o.: Ike" Kline. Har-
rtsburg; Barney Smith. Auburn, y. y;
f. d. Calvin, Chicago; Ben Pride.
Gallipoli. o.; c. Raley Pittsburgh;
Burns, who was tried out last year.
Harrisburg telegraph. [volume] (Harrisburg, Pa.) 1879-1948, 1917-04-03
CLASS COLLEGES
FOR RELAY RACES
Penn's Spring Carnival Prom
ises to Be Record Event; In
tereSt in Track Games


Philadelphia, April 8. - Now that
the team entries for Pennsylvania
great two-day relay carnival on April
T27 and 2S are in, the management is
able to make the final grouping for
the various class races. With much
difficulty it was found possible to ar
range the classes so that the same
number of races will be held as last
year. In addition to the colleges found
below in the class events, the following
colleges have entered for the Amer
lean championship relay races at the
various distances. or in a few cases
merely in the special events: Yale,
Harvard, Princeton, Cornell, Dart
mouth. Michigan, Chicago, Illinois,
Missouri, Wisconsin, Notre Dame, Pur-
due, Columbia, Syracuse, Holy Cross,
Pennsylvania State, Kansas, Indiana,
Nebraska, Grinnell and Pennsylvania.
In all, over 100 college teams will
compete. No other set of games has
ever had more than thirty colleges in
attendance, so that the real Importance
and magnitude of the relay carnival
stands out most prominently by COM
parison, especially when it is also con-
will be in the events reserved for
them during the two days of the
carnival.
The final grouping of the class races
| Is as follows:
Relay Championship
Middle Atlantic States Collegiate A.
A. one-mile relay championship =
| Haverford Swarthmore, New York
| University. Lehigh, Lafayette, Mullen
berg, Dickinson and Rutgers.
Glass l - Georgetown. Fordham,
Johns Hopkins, University of Pitts
burgh.
Glass 2-Carnegie Institute of Tech
nology, Ohio Wesleyan, Wesleyan, Col
gate. Virginia Military Institute, Col
lege of City of New York, Lafayette,
Rutgers.
Class 8 = Franklin and Marshall
Gettysburg, Bucknell, Catholic Uni
versity. Carlisle Indians, Washington
and Jefferson. Indiana State Normal
Stevens Point Normal (Wis.)
| Glass 4-Westminster College, West
Virginia University, New York Law,
Drexel Institute. Temple University,
| Stevens Institute of Technology, Col
| lege of Jersey City, Dubuque German
00nsss ciass 5-belaware. Maryland Agri-
cultural, Ursinus, Lebanon Valley.
Juniata. ST. Johns of Annapolis, Tren-
ton School of Industrial Arts, George
Washington University.
Glass 6-West Chester Normal, East
! Stroudsburg Normal, Mansfield Nor
NAL. Lincoln University, Upsa1a Col
lege. Rock Hill College, Rhode Island
State College
Glass Jefferson Medical Hahne-
mann Medical, Philadelphia College of
Pharmacy, Art and Textile, School OF
Sedagogy. La Sale College.
Harrisburg telegraph. [volume] (Harrisburg, Pa.) 1879-1948, 1917-04-03

against a stronger opponent in Carl
Morris who though outpointed on di-
vers occasions, has only taken the
count once. Before the fistic fans will
take Fulton seriously as having a
chance with willard, who evidently is
not anxious to defend his title since
signing up with a circus.
Fulton Shows Form
Fulton will have to fiatten Morris
to gain the confidence of the sporting
public. In his last three bouts Full
ton has shown such great form that
neither Morris, Frank Moran or
Jimmy Coffey, the three contenders
for bout with the champion, ap-
pear to have anything like an even
chance of winning from Fulton.
The bout with Morris tomorrow,
however, will show how much Fulton
has improved since fighting Morris,
as the latter stopped Fulton in less
than four rounds three years ago.
During all his stormy career Morris
has failed to go the limit only once
The late Luther McCarty claimed a
knockout over Morris, but there is
considerable doubt as to what hap
pened on that occasion. Morris de-
clared that he received a hurried
count, and that he was down for not
more than seconds.
Harrisburg telegraph. [volume] (Harrisburg, Pa.) 1879-1948, 1917-04-03
PARK CLUB PLANS
EXTENSIVE SEASON
Hard Schedule Has Been Ar
ranged; Effort Will Be Made
to Secure 100 Members

The Harrisburg Park Tennis Club
held IT'S annual meeting last night in
the offices of the Park Department,
Calder building. and plans for one of
the most active seasons in the history
of the organization were laid. A men,
bership campaign will be launched
and an effort be made to start the sea-
son College and Lebanon Valley Col
hundred active members. n strong
schedule is being arranged.
]. Douglas NJ. Royal, was reelected
president of the club and Charles L.
Dasher and Miss Anna Sweeney were
re- elected vice-president and secre-
tary, respectively. Miss Anna Cubbin-
son was again chosen secretary. One
of the hardest schedules ever entered
into by the local club has been ar
ranged by the tournament committee
and will include games on the Reser-
voir courts and on foreign soil.
Tentative arrangements have been
made for tournaments with Marietta,
Carlisle, Reading, Middletown, Dickin-
son College and Lebanon Valley Col
lege. A number of other matches are
being scheduled.
"One hundred active members be-
fore the season starts" will be the
slogan of the club and an energetic
membership campaign will be launch
ed at once. The club members have
provided for Junior mem berShip for
those under sixteen years of age. The
dues for this class will be Just half of
that charged to Senior members. Dues
for adult membership are S2.00 for
men and S1.0O for women, with an in
itiation fee of $1.00 for men and sc
cents for women.
In accordance with a provision OF
its constitution, the club unanimously
elected the following honorary mem
bers: John Fox Weiss, Henderson Gill
bert, Vance C. Mccormick, Henry u.
Harrisburg telegraph. [volume] (Harrisburg, Pa.) 1879-1948, 1917-04-03
FRED FULTON TO
MEET HARD FOE
Takes on Carl Morris; Must, Put
His Opponent Down and
Out to Win

New York, April 3.-When big Fred
Fulton steps into the ring tomorrow
night to tackle Carl Norris, here, he
will be a big favorite on account of
the splendid showing that he has
made in his previous bouts. Fulton
made quite name for himself when
he whipped over a sleep producer, po-
fishing off Charlie Weinert so easily
that this performance was regarded as
one of the best in his career. In his
bout with Weinert, Fulton proved that
he was made of the right mettle, and
since then his friends have been tout
ing the tall man from Minnesota as
the one best bet for bout with Will
lard.
However, Fulton will be going up