The Washington herald., 1917-11-25

.Meow,,
Once upon time there was a cal
that only had one life. 1t was the
property of Belle Scott and sus,
tanned life by begging.
One day II. made a mistake ant
jumped the fence into the yard ol
Lizzie Smith. Lizzie is alleged tc
be very fond of cats, but the aliega.
ton IL very doubtful.
A brick suddenly shot out at tht
cat and caught cit at the back OF the
neck. Its spine was broken. 4
limped back to Belle.
Belle had Lizzie arrested because
she thought that Lizzie was the on
who hurt the cat. Previous to this
the two women had had words.
Lizzie told the court that she had
often played the Good Samaritan By
feeding the cat when 1t could hardly
stand for hunger. Her kindness oi
heart wouldn't permit her to injurt
a dumb animal, she said.
The court believed her. And sinct
the cat has been shot and is there
fore out Of pain, Lizzie was freed.
Where Did >wifey Cor
For several hours last Thursday
afternoon Irene Kelley mot Irish)
displayed symptoms of a headache.
She worried her husband, SO .ht
said, until he handed her 80 cents to
go to the drug store and get some re-
lief. .s.
Irene .pocketed the half dollar ant
went out holding her head. Husband
went around to the poolroom grum'
bling something about women being
crazy.
At II o'clock he went home. Nc
Irene in sight. He inquired around
but no one had seen her. She hac
disappeared.
Fidnight came. Husband laid or
the bed with his clothes on, thinking
up a way to punish his wife.
4 At /, o'clock in came Irene still
holding her hands to her head. AnC
then husband proceeded to give hel
real honest-to-goodness headache by
pounding her head with a shoe.
She had him nabbed the next morn,
ing. We don't know where she went
or what she did with the so cents
but we know the husband is out q
ten spot.
The Writing on the Wall
"Jedge, dat woman wrote somein
scandalous bout me on de wall oil
NAH house. En- den de neighbors
made fun OBJ me-"
well. can't see where you had
any right to pitch in and almost Kill
her for 1t, said the court to Beulah
Owens, charged with assaulting Lizzie
Snead.
Lizzie and Beulah never did like
| each other. And since Beulah was
| some 800 pounds heavier than Lizzie,
II was no use for the latter to start a
| fight.
So she expressed her feelings on the
wall with a piece Of charcoal. Ac
cording to Beulah. the writing on the
wall was very. very scandalous.
This happened a month ago and hel
neighbors still kid her about 1t, she
said. One day last week the taunt'
became too much and she went after
| the cause of it.
Lizzie was washing clothes at the
time and Beulah rammed her heaC
down in the dirty soapy water. She
nearly drowned the poor girl
It's all settled now. Beulah went to
Jail for thirty days.
Oh You CIementine:
Since last Fourth Of July Clemen'
tine Greene and Arthur Snow have
been in love. They were to be mar
ried as soon as Arthur had the price.
But the green-eyed monster came
along and put things on the kibosh
Arthur never could refrain from look
ing at other girls.
At a dance Wednesday night Glenn
entine demonstrated several times with
him about talking to a girl named
"Queenie," but Arthur elbowed her out
| OF the way.
"Queenie spoiled things by sticking
her tongue out at Clementine. She
had a wad Of chewing gum on it at the
time.
| Then "Queenie'' made eyes all the
more at Arthur. She actually kissed
him. CIementine had her head full oi
murderous thoughts.
She went out hurriedly, went to Ar
thurs room and with the scissors Gu
up the very suit he was to marry
her in.
Arthur had her arrested. The court
fined her SO for this little cut-up.
Monkeying with Ma-in-Law.
Theodore Roosevelt Jackson's moth
er-in-law keeps a little plaster-of'
paris monkey on the mantel piece.
On several occasions ma-in-law hai
-iikened the monkey to Theodore be
cause of the many spats he and hi
wife have together.
These infefences always got on hi:
nerves. Therefore he just hated thai
monkey as bad as any man can-hate
monkey
One day when Theodore stayed ou'
rather late ma-in-law got after him
Wifey was in the kitchen peeling po'
tatoes. She did not hear any of the
| fuss.
Pretty soon the monkey came sail
ing into the kitchen. 1t broke small
mirror over the sink. Ma-fn-laN
hollered for the police. ...--
She was crumpled in a chair al
| out of breath. She had received g
Knockout when Theodore missed hel
with the monkey.
Wifey screamed and ran for a cop
Theodore was locked up. And since
it was his first offense he was placed
~, proha tinn