The Penn's Grove record., 1917-05-18
CURLING Industry; or the Fable
of the Busy Legislator

OF the Busy Legislator
One dark. stormy day there was born
to otherwise happy and respectable
parents an embryonic legislator. He
made mis- debut 10 the midst Of a thun-
der-elap This fact may or may not
have been prophetic. but in after life
be manifested a decided fondness for
applause.
With no connivance on his part. the
infant Scion was named Thomas JEFF
ferson Monroe Miller. His mother did
the naming. while his father, a sue
cessful retail butcher. stood by In mute
protest, thinking of the day when his
son should learn the meat business
from the bottom up. Thomas Jeffer-
son Monroe, the elder Miller knew,
would find the delivery baskets heavy
enough without carrying any excess
baggage in the way of a name. But
the maternal boss had decided that
her son vas cut u for better things
than constant association with steaks
and chops and. in the end she had her
way. thus depriving the world of an.
other perfectly competent butcher.
Al the g Of eighteen Thomas JET
fetson Monroe Miller began to feel
that his mothers confidence In him
was more than justified. The vista
of his ambition included a front ele-
walton of the Presidential chair.
During his college course. the pro
spective statesman was so busy set
Ting the affairs Of the nation In ora
torical contests and debates that he
had no time to spend on the problems
of t~rigonoinetry- At the end Of four
years he had developed a magnificent
rush of words to the face and. although
he vas somewhat puny in mathemat-
les. the faculty decided that the best
way to get rid of him was to hand
him his sheepskin.
BY this time our future legislator
had grown a wonderful crop of back
hair that curled gracefully over his
collar. and had acquired the habit Of
posing for his photograph with a cor
rugated look about his brow and his.
right hand In the breast of his coat.
BY comparison with the most authori-
tatfve portraits, he was every inch a
statesman, SO he returned to his ma
tive State and offered his services to
the boss" of the Party in Power.
Tile hard-hearted political car
would have non Of him. however, and
Thomas Jefferson came to the conclu.
sion that the Party In Power was cor
rupt. Therefore. he joined the ranks
of the Reform Party and lent the
crushing weight of his oratory In an
effort to convince the plain peepupr
that the Predatory Pilferers in office
had tolen everything but the brass
hinges on the Capitol door
After several years of incessant ora
tory. the promising youth was sent to
the legislature on the Reform Ticket
He won instant recognition by O
Ing a bill to prevent employers from
speaking harshly to their employees.
That was the irst of a series of spec
tacilar laws which he managed to
have enacted to curb the Ubiquitous
tendencies of big Business"
With the naked eye the busy legis.
Iator could not have told an invoice
from a petty cash account. A high
powered ear trumpet would not have
enabled him to distinguish the song of
the loom from the chant Of the buzz
saw, but his six-cylinder. self starting
orat0ry had to have some kind Of a
road to run on and the avenue of In
dustry was the most inviting to his
hectic eye. In other words the busy
legislator c~onsecrated his lung power
to the work of helping the various leg.
islative bodies of the country maintain
their record for enacting an aggregate
Of $4,000 new statutes per annum deal
ing with production. distribution, EN-
ployment and organization Like most
Industrial reformers. he possessed the
rare genius for managing other PEG
pies affairs.
As a result of bis active legislative
campaign. several of the biggest man
ufacturing houses In the State were
curbed into bankruptcy, but the jobless
employees gathered round the remains
and gave Three Cheers for the
Friend of the Nottingham"
In a few years Thomas Jefferson
Monroe Miller had big Business
gasping on the mat and pleading for
help. There was apparently nothing
left to curb. but by that time he had
contracted an Unsuitable thirst for reg
ulating things. so be turned his atten-
ton to the liberties of the individual.
He made it a crime for a man to put
his feet on the desk while debating to
his stenographer. Next he put through
a statute forcing restaurants to have
on hand a stock of Maxim silencers for
diners whose audible fondness for soup
..4aaaonod nth 4ha nnobonA.a MI