The American issue. [volume] (Westerville, Ohio) 1912-19??, 1917-01-05


becomes the heartier because it is
congenially shared. Consequences
become remote; nothing seems to ex-
ist except the sunny present moment
and laughter.
There came to be times when
had to drink lot before | felt it !;
and there came to be more of them
when | desired-and needed-a drink
in the morning. That's a rotten bad
sign, but | didn't see it so. I took
it as a part of the joke-after I'd got
the drink.
81 had cocktail, or small glass
of brandy, as soon as | got up in the
morning. | had a cocktail, or two,
or three, before luncheon; l had a
whisky and soda-perhaps more than
one--during luncheon,an a cordial
afterward. In the afternoons, | got
to the club at an earlier and earlier
hour, usually l had time for two or
three cocktails before the crowd
turned up, and the real cocktailing
began. Then came the cocktail with
dinner, champagne, cognac, and after
dinner the protraction and intensifi-
cation-by means of indefinite whisky
and soda-of the effect already pro-
duced. What was the use of pro-
ducing it so deliberately if one was to
let it fade?
Mature never intended man to GO
out of his way to put alcohol inside
him. I've heard it maintained that a
certain amount of alcohol has food
value. Food value talk and the other
value talk about alcohol is defensive
hypocrisy. l know, because I was
that kind of hypocrite myself once.
The truth is that all drinking of al
cohol is against nature. The honest
drinker admits it; he says, Yes, I'm
hurting myself more or less; but I'll
take the hurt for the sake of the
comedy l get out of it,
"My painting had gone pretty well
to the dogs. Not that l didn't. still
work at it, l did work, but
l cared more about something
else. My real primary purpose,
daily, was to get outside the
amount of alcohol I needed, to be Cup
to normal"-the state of nervous ex-
element and recklessness that re-
newed my power to laugh again
Work was secondary, and when il
was a question of either working OF
drinking, work lost the debate.
"One of the most curious things
about my condition at that time was
my failing to realize where I'd
dropped to. You see, I often thought
l was thinking clearly, but l never
was. A man who drinks as l die
keeps himself in glamour; and he's
SO busy drinking himself up out 81
his depressions and the rest of the
time saying and doing all manner oil
excited things-he never gets lucid
interval.
II went through the customary ply
steal humiliations; eyes bad, hands
bad, heart bad, head awful, until
got up to normal for a few hours
and then everything worse next day
| couldn't think connectedly, couldn'
concentrate; l had no plans. Really
l hadn't anything except alcohol. Il
was the principal thing in my life
l was living for it. was gone!
"Then the miracle happened.
quit. Quite completely. Forever. Al
i'll minute-just like that!
There was no craving, no tempta
ton, no thirst. It's true Ibid have al
the liquor thrown out of my apart
ment, when l first goi up; but
needn't have done it. I'd as soor
have forged check as touched it.
didn't want to touch it. All | wanted
was to get back to real world ano
away from the sham one that alcoho
builds.
$50 / went to work in the studio
and gradually the old delight in worl
came back to me, the old capacity te
see and do and it took the place o
the false comedy and excitement.
eyes, men drink it away from life
to forget life by living for time il
comedy. But true comedy isn't il
alcohol, after all. Alcohol is only tn,
quick way to false comedy. Thu
price is too high and the false comedy
not worth having. But suppose
the others can't really see that-no
until they get to be nipskillions, like
you and me"