The Lakeland evening telegram. (Lakeland, Fla.) 1911-1922, 1917-08-03
THE
HELPER
BY PAULINE D. EDWARDS

If the fool killer comes this way he'll
sure enough give me an invite to pu
my head on the log where l kill the
chickens. I've not only made blum
der, but double blunder, In tryin' t6
help tive people at once. There was
Charlie Burnes mopin' around, pinin
because he had no one to help him run
his farm, no companion or nothin', and
there was Susan Nutter with step
mother and unhappy at home.
thought they'd do well to marry, so ]
butted in and arranged the matter be-
tween 'em. l had no interest in 1t;
only consented to be go-between out
O. the kindness O. my heart. I'm an
old maid myself and wouldn't marry
the best man on earth. l hain't got no
call to marry. l got my own house
and ground all paid for and $50 a
month from bond and mortgage be-
sides. SO I'm out O. the matrimonial
question But I'm not the only one
whatd kill me might cure others.
Thinkin' that away, l told Charlie
about Susan and Susan about Charlie.
l praised Charlie to Susan, and this,
together with the hard time she was
havin' at home, made her powerful
anxious to git him. But somehow or
mother she got the idea that if he
seen her he wouldn't have her, so she
told me l could tell him If he'd take
her entirely on my recommend 1t 'ud
be 60. Charlie he thought If she seen
what an ungainly Teller he was she
wouldn't have him neither, SO he con-
sented. didn't see no harm in this, for
Susan was pretty as peach, and Char
lie was as fine a-lookin' Teller as ever
follered pillow.
The mornin' O. the weddin' l helped
Susan to git on white muslin dress,
and when the other fixin's was all OH
she looked lovely. The clock struck
the hour for the weddin, the house
was chuck full O the neighbors-I fur
nished the cake and things-and up
drives Charlie in his two horse wagon.
with suit O. new store clothes on,
lookin' fine and manly. l met him at
the door and TUX him in to the settin'
room, where Susan was a-standin'
waitin'. Susan blushed little, and
seen a mighty pleased look come over
Charles face. But there wasn't no
time to git acquainted, for the parson
stepped in, and before they knowed
1t they was married, Then, after the
snack set in the dinin' room, Charlie
TUX his wife out to the wagon and
driv' off, followed by the usual shower
o. rice and old slippers.
Reckon you'll say there want moth
in foolish about this, and don't know
as there would "a been If it could "a
been done without go-between. Y'see
there's natural course SIGH things
have to run, jist like measles A wrong
treatment o. measles Is apt to drive
'em in. In Charles and Susan's case
the courtin and the gittin' used to
workin' in matrimonial harness was
thrOwed on to 'em oil to onct If the
courtin' had been done in it's proper
time the new harness wouldn't "a been
so hard to get used to.
1t wasn't three days after the wed
din when Susan she come to me all
afire, and she says, says she, Miss
Shaw, whatd you go tie me up to SIGH
man as that fOr?" whats the truu-
ble?" says l. He never speaks to me
at breakfast no more'n If I'd come In
for hired help" Il don't know nothin'
bout men, says ], but l hearn tell
that they have all sorts O. ways about
em that don't mean nothin'. If he don't
want to talk at breakfast, wait till
dinner. Mebbe he'll have somepin to
say by that time that's wo'th hearin'."
Well, she went away only half paci-
fled, and pretty soon in comes Charlie,
and he wants to know what had agin
him to marry him to woman who
talked all the time at breakfast-just
the time o day he felt clipper and
liked talSin' himself-and wouldn't give
him chance to get in word. l tole
him l was a woman myself and knowed
that there was times a woman had to
talk and times she had to cry and IL he
wanted to git one different from this
he'd have to git her made to order.
For months they was a-runnin' to me
complainin' because l got 'em into a
nx, and | got mighty tired of it.
One evenin' l got out my mare and
driv over to Charles farm. Charlie
was a-sittin' on the porch smokin his
cob pipe, and Susan was inside dom
the supper dishes. / sit still in the
buggy, with the whip In my hand, for l
knowed what was a-goin' to do, and l
thought 1t 'ud be prudent to be ready
to move on student
Charlie" says, says l, 81 come over
to ak your parding for tyin' y up with
a gal that's got one o. the worst tenn
pers l ever hearn Of"
hadn't hardly got the words out O.
my mouth before Susan comes tn
the door wipin' plate with disbclotb
and fire in her eye whats that v
say she says, mighty hot. 81 saws
i so