The Washington herald., 1917-10-09

iii A-x-ktAE0
III THE -PERIoc cQPE II
Madan.
When your husband kicks about eat
| ing stew made from day-before-yes-
terday's beef. when you make bread
pudding out Of last weeks crusts.
when you make soup out OF potato
peelings, when you make hash out Of
yesterdays sirloin. whom you won't
cut but one piece Of bread It . time.
when there's isn't a. much sugar on
| the grape fruit a. there used to be.
when you don't have any beef on
Tuesdays. when you warm over these
beans and tomatoes--weli. Just tell
him to take his troubles to Mr..
Hoover. He'll hx him UP alright
Twenty Years Ago.
(From the Pike County. H.. Re-
publican.)
Ladies' wore busties. -.
,, Operations wers rars.
Nobody had seen . silo.
Nobody swatted the ny.
Nobody had appendicitis.
Nobody sprayed orcharda
Nobody. wore white shoes.
Cream was 5 cents . pint
Cantaloupes were muskmelons.
Mike shake was Q favorits drink.
Advertiser did not tell the truth
You never heard Of Q ''tin Lizzie" !"
Doctors wanted to see your tongue.
The hired girl drew one-nfty .
week.
Farmers came to town for their
mail.
Nobody '1istsned In" on . tele-
phone.
Nobody cared for the price Of ssso-
line.
Folks said pneumatic tires were =
Joke.
The butcher "threw IN" Q chunk
Of liver.
strawstacks were burned instead Of
baled.
People thought English spsrows
were birds"
There were no sans Fourth. nor
electric meters.
Jules Verne was the only convert
to the submarine.
Publishing . country newspaper
was not q business.
You stuck tubes IN your ears to
hear Q phonograph and It cost q
dime.
The Soldiers BED.
/ Patrick MacGill is an Irish soldier
poet who Is a war correspondent Of
the Kansas City Star. Over one Of
two beds, endowed by the Star IN the
King Edward Memorial Hospital. are
the following lines by the colder
poet:
This Is your bed. and I hope you'll
be gay in It;
Peace and contentment Be yours
while you stay In It:
This wish of mine will be yours. I've
no doubt of It;
Soft be your bed; but I wish you
well out Of IT."
Frank L. Stanton.
We're, Oh We're Iss HeIse Nit His
LeetIe Chernaa Band.
Gone far away iss dose leetle cherman
band,
Gone far away to dot dear Fadder-
land.
Gone we're der cannon undt der shells
do roar,
Gone we're dey han to go-sons to der
var.
Ny. how I miss dose boys. Heinie und
Fritz.
Ny how dey usetsr lun. dot old. old.
Schlitz,
Ny how dey useter blay der lufrlIest
tunes,
My how dey'd hang arount der fronts
of saloons
Choost now dey're fiding. on dot Hin
denburg line.
Fiding for der Kaiser. undt . lot Of
his kind.
Soon It will be ofer. en- den dey VIII
be back.
round der bars Of Hackensack.
Destructive May He Right.
Nettie A. Reds announcement that
she has enlarged her emporium ex-
cIusively devoted to private dressmak-
ing Is striking q responsive chord
among Sheridan's lovers of destruc-
tive style. Sheridan. Wyo., Enter
prise.
@Inspiration," where Art Theuf
we OOn KNOW Wnetnef II WAS INC
cool weather or the board Of censor
ship that did II, but somebody COW
| cred up Inspiration" the other day
In front of q Ninth street theater.
They pasted . copy of the Herald
over her.
Far be It from our paper to shove
such an important Miss as "Inspira-
tion' in the background. but since 80
many overcoats are out we don't want
Audrey to catch cold. We hate to see
our paper In an embarrassing posi-
ton. Modesty and chilliness never
agreed before.
II You Don't Believe II Read History
Ben Franklin. as he sat down to look
over a batch Of kilograms remarked
to his stenographer, Goodness alive,
Pauline, the current il bum tonight
I can hardly see how to road this
typewriting."
julius Caesar. when he had hii
troops ready to embark across the
English Channel turned to Gen
| Whoosit and complained. 81 hope
those guys don't torpedo the only
] transport I have"
When George III bid adieu to the
Hessians he borrowed to nght thu
colonies he said weepingly. Boys
4 thara'a n ho1Iuvalof NJ vofr ,vhn vvop'i