The Butler weekly times., 1917-11-22

s U N B e A N s.
Bill Sunday is

aiIment tnat al
EZfH fHliieetss fHliieettss mankind -bu
that God has grow
ing somewhere an herb that will cur'
that ailn,ent. Just as much sens'
in that statement of his as in many
others he makes. Bills Bible will
tell him (if he will read it) that it il
appointed "once for man to die
And don't you 'fergit' it. Take i
from me, when the appointed time
arrives not all the herbs and weeds
on earth will save him. Bill woule
improve his time tellin' folks how te
get ready to die rather than prolone
a life, which Ito many) amt worth
the candle. If Heaven is what hi
would have US believe why should
We tarry here? 1t would seem his
object is purely mercenary as the
longer folks live the longer will the
sheckles continue to pour into Bills
pockets.
You folks may not believe the stuff
write you any more than you be-
leve the story of Jonah and the fish
But that don't worry me none what
ever You know folks stood around
and poked fun at Noah when he was
buildin' his ,house-boat. They didn't
believe the big showers we're comm .
But what l was goin' to say was this:
just missed gettin' job with the
circus last month by a scratch. How?
do you ask? Well, it was this way
They wanted Camel but they also
wanted one that could go 8 days
(count EN- 81 without drink and /
just TIP and told 'em l wasn't that
kind OF camel.
Not content with asking. us to OBJ
serve breadless and meatless days
(also sleepless nights they now
want us to use phantom" mince pies
ior our Thanksgiving dinner. Pretty
soon opine we will be asked to
wear phantom" clothes. That will
be tough on us men folks who are
accustomed to wear clothes, but it
won't make a great deal of difference
to the women. They have been usin-
that style of dress for some time.
Mats are now being made from bull
rushes. Now that's quite all innova-
ION. once saw man who looked
ike a mat after bull rush. That
sas somewhat OF All aviation. The
>ull rushed him over the top OF a ten
rail fence.
It's one thing for us to admit that
.yc arc ugly enough to stop a clock
,r break looking glass and that Our
,aults stick out ON lis like warts on
, toad. es.---but it's quite another
hing for anyone else to say things
ike that to us. Eh? And yet one
las spoke thusly. The kindest thing
we can do for our friends is to tell
hem of their faults. Uhm, mebbeso,
out it ain't always safe.
Two women-onc said to the other:
Gowns are to be worn longen> >anoth-
n season" Said the other. by hcck.
don't see how | can wear mine any
ongcr. It's been worn another sea-
on too long now" No, l won't tell
heir names, but it shore happened.
| have noticed that the fellow you
'ave to always pat on the back in
'rder to have his friendship is about
IS dependable as a bull dog which |
'ou have to pat on the head for the
anne purpose. Neither are worth |
our efforts. Don't pat 'em.
Beware of the folks who, are long |
II advice. Because. should you ever
eed him you will find him short on
elp.
People who try to please every
ody succeed (usually) in pleasing
obody and feel like kickin' them
elves. Me? O, I'm different. I
ont try to please anyone. Not none
'hatever. What's the use? If folks
ont like me l should worry.
ME Unit Gott" are havin' one -
{ time since the Sammees arrived
, France. So says K-B. Right you
re Bill. But wait till they get
tarted. They're only. only teaSin
ou."
In cancelling the engagement of
lreisler. the Austrian violinist at
recently the management
id the proper thing. Kreisler is an
fficer in the Austrian army and he
hould not be allowed to appear in
ubfic to gather in the dollars which
ill go to the support OF Germany.
We have plenty of good American
,usic and musicians. We all can
ing or whistle "The. Star Spangled
tanner" and that's plenty good
nough for us. And If the aliens in
his country don't like it let them
ike back and hoch der kaiser or
ow-tow to some other would-be po-
entate. Where they may have more
Dom and less liberty to say nothing
{ the eats.
This camouflage is surely great, it
,akes a dandy cover. I think III
my plate and help out
f. uno.as Foe recn NJ, g. ne yoss