The Lakeland evening telegram. (Lakeland, Fla.) 1911-1922, 1917-07-14
THE
HELPER
BY PAULINE D. EDWARDS

sure enough give me an invite to put
my head on the log where 1 kill the
chickens. I've not only made a blum
der, but double blunder. in tryin' to
help two people at once. There was
Charlie Burnes mopin' around, pinin
because he had no one to help him run
his farm, no companion or nOthin', and
there was Susan Nutter with step
mother and unhappy at home
thought they'd do well to marry, so
butted in and arranged the matter be-
| tween 'em. l had no interest in it;
only consented to be go-between out
O the kindness O. my heart. I'm an
old maid myself and wouldn't marry
! the best man on earth. l hain't got no
call to marry. l got my own house
and ground all paid for and $50
month from bond and mortgage be
sides. So I'm out O the matrimonial
question But I'm not the only one
in the world to be considered. Mebbe
what'd kill me might cure others.
! Thinkin' that away, l told Charlie
about Susan and Susan about Charlie.
I praised Charlie to Susan, and this,
together with the hard time she was
havin' at home, made her powerful
anxious to git him. But somehow or
mother she got the idea that if he
seen her he wouldn't have her, so she
told me l could tell him If he'd take
her entirely on my recommend it 'ud
be a 90. Charlie he thought If she seen
what an ungainly Teller he was she
wouldn't have him neither, so he con-
sented didn't see no harm in this, for
Susan was pretty as peach, and Char
lie was as fine a-lOOkin' Teller as ever
follered pillow.
The mornin' O. the weddin' l helped
Susan to git on white muslin dress
and when the other fixin's was all OH
she looked lovely. The clock struck
the hour for the weddin', the house
was chuck full O. the neighbors-I fur
, nished the cake and things-and W
drives Charlie In his two horse wagon
with a suit O new store clothes on
lookin' fine and manly. ! met him al
| Luc uOOE Jun llliil Ill W tuC SCUM
room, where Susan was a-standin
waitin Susan blushed little, and
seen a mighty pleased look come owe
{ Charles face. But there wasn't ut
time to git acquainted, for the parsOI
:. stepped in, and before they knowet
1t they was married. Then, after tn,
: snack set in the dinin' room, Charli,
p IL J., g., 90 thn nv,s
r driv' off, followed by the usual Shove
f O. rice and old slippers.
n Reckon you'll say there want moth
in foolish about this, and don't know
> as there would "a been If 1t could a
been done without a go-between. Use
e there's natural course SIGH thing
l. have to run. jist like measles. A wron
.. treatment o measles is apt to driv
q EN- In In Charles and Susan's cas-
the courtin' and the gittin' used t
workin' in matrimonial harness wa
throwed on to em all to onct II tn
It courtin' had been done In its prope
n time the new harness wouldn't "a bee
so hard to get used to.
o 1t wasn't three days after the wee
I'LL W ucn SUSAN SIG NOllc W Llc u
afire, and she says, says she, mis-
y Shaw, what'd you go tie me up to sic
II man as that for?" whats the trp,
d ble?" says l. "He never speaks to II
at breakfast no more'n If I'd come
g for hired help" II don't know nothil
\, bout men, says I, "but I hearn te
. that they have all sorts o. ways abo,
~ | hnt In, bn do,
want to talk at breakfast. wait ii
ID dinner Mebbe he'll have somepin |
t.: say by that time that's wo'th hearin'
is Well. she went away only half paC
j., fed, and pretty soon In comes Charli
and he wants to know what had ag
him to marry him to woman wi
IL talked all the time at breakfast-ju
is the time o day he felt clipper al
al liked talkin' himself-and wouldn't gi'
him a chance to get in word. l to
n. him | was woman myself and know,
=, that there was times a woman had
talk and times she had to cry and il
wanted to git one different from tn
s' he'd have to git her made to order.
IL For months they was a-runnin' to u
re cOUlIhaluln UeCduSe got EN- INTO
he fix. and l got mighty tired of it.
~ One evenin' l got out my mare al
:; driv over to Charles farm. Charl
was a-sittin' on the porch smokin' h
cob pipe, and Susan was inside dol
10 the supper dishes. l sit still in I
on buggy, with the whip in my hand, for
he knowed what l was a-goin' to do, and
Nv thought 1t nd be prudent to be rea,
=, to move on student
Charlie" says, says 1, II come ov
" to ak your parding for tyin' y up wi
gal that's got one o. the worst te
on pers / ever hearn Of
ed hadn't hardly got the words out
he my mouth before Susan comes
ro- the door wipin' plate with dishclo
:. and fire in her eye. What's that
say" she says, mighty hot. II say
ne says /, I've come over a-purpose
De tell you, Susan, that I'm mighty sor
as for what l done, persuadin' you
Ter marry the worst man In the world