Tulsa daily world. [volume] (Tulsa, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1905-1919, 1917-12-02
The Letters of Lemuel Bean
By ROY MOULTON

lis can pick up piece OF snali
change now and then and keep the
wolf from the door, even II they 10
create a new brand of pess'mi,tic pa
triousm while 50 doing.
/ II a man ~ modest about his pro-
/ noting and ls willing TO get along on
small profits. he may 10 we'll IN 4
small town. but II he wants 10 make
I quick cleanup he angles among tho
wise guys who think the Hudson
i.Ner marks the western border Of the
universe and who bite so hard that
/ they swallow the hook, line and
sinker
The Wiseheimers In Gotham were
hLyins gold bricks seven wears after
the hicks out iTOthe tall grass had
passed 1t up as mon0tunous sport.
When The amateur New Yorker has
learned 10 stop producing and begin
promoting he has so.Ted the secret OF
success and can walk into a Fifth ave-
nre bank without arousing the sus-
plcian Of the guard.
OF "osrse u requires quite n hit df
tact 70 make the first deposit in the
hank The banks in this town are
very particular as 10 the people who
leave money with them II is as hail
20 put moLey into bank as 1t Is 20
draw money out.
After he has gone thru the third
degree the new depositor feels slIuest
a. guilty as tho he were trying 20
push queer check thru the cashiers
wicket three minutes before the train
leaves FOR Toronto. Ont
/ had A bit Of experience along this
line the timc ! sold my first msgn-
zine story and Jumped suddenly from
the depths Of genteel poverty 10 the
heights Of unrespectable affluence
had been ~ long without money tinlt
! didn't know what 10 do with the
1870. bright friend u mine suS-
gested that / would grow tired Of
carrying II around in my hand
! couldn't think Of any way 60
spend IT, having grown all out OF the
hsbit. He suggested that a good thing
10 do with Il would be 10 put u in
the bank. Neither of US knew Where
there was a bank. and we wandered
around until We found one.
Examined Like burglars.
II was a kind-faced rank and the
carriage operer looked like a Sunday
school teacher | used 10 know back
home, and Henry and / decided to
place my money in that bank
We went in. and I timidly ap-
preached the receiving teller with my
little roll and said: "I would like to
make a deposit in this bank"
He said. You will have to see one
OF the officers about that Do you
know any Of tho officers"
! said 'No. If | knew any OF the
officers of-,his bank ! would be try
ing to get money out, not trying 10
put money in"
It's regular money" said Henry.
There's nothing wrong with IL"
You VIII have to see one Of the
officers bemore I can take IT," said
the teller. Right over there"
lie pointed 10 an inquisition cham
Der in one corer Of the room and
Henry and ! went there.
We were extremely fortunate and
had TO wait only ij minutes. Finally
the fourth assistant examiner IF pedi-
grses came in, and after staring at us
rs tho we were a couple of burglars
or book agents. he asked:
Yes" / replied, II know Henry.
1nis is Henry" and | introduced
Henry to the official.
Bvt can you get anybody to IDENTIFY
him ," persisted the official. Look
here" | said. becomAg slightly
fused, II want to put money in the
hank. don't want TO take any out"
IT'S all the same TO us he replied.
Now. II you will just answer few
questions. please"
These questions took the better
quisitor had learned my politics. my
antecedents. when | was born and
why. how many gold Filings | had.
neither any OF my ancestors had died
o: Group. and had taken the color OF
my eyebrows and given Henry an
"ther nasty. Suspicious look, he said
he would take my money temporarily.
on probation. as II were. and. il they
didn't like II they would notify me
and l could come and carry IT out
q the place with pair of ice tongs
and go bury II somewhere.
Money on Probation.
He then took down three names
the names OF men who knew me and
TO whom he could telephone. gave
him the names Of three magazine edi-
tors who know me very well. having
seen me every day for the better part
Of four years After that he gave mo
a blank C'pck hook and advised me
not TO use it until my money had been
on probation for two weeks They !
probably wanted to run IL thru the I
laundry o. see II it was done In fas.
colors
have had no difficulty in putting
money In since then. All | have to DO |
Is 10 present my bank book and prove |
that II is mine. 1t seldom takes more /
than an hour to make a deposit.
When | want TO get check cashed /
| have to taEc all three of my spon-
sors IN baptism, the three magazine |
editors with me.
IN" only way TO get money out Of |
bank I'm hurry Is with n drill and a
pint Of nitroglycerin. but this has It's
ulsadNanlaceS, as 1t must bC done at |