The Washington herald., 1917-12-19

One OF the common, but bitter,
tragedies of life is when a woman
who has been at the head Of her own
house for thirty or forty years has to
give it up and go to live with her
children.
The children may be ever SO loving
and anxious to have mother with
them. The in-laws may even bear
mothers presence with Christian for
titude and resignation. The house to
which mother goes may be far more
luxurious than any she has ever
known. She may be able to sit down
and fold her hands in idleness for the
first time in her life.
None the less, however, it Is a
tragedy, for it means that mother
has lost her independence-she's a
passenger on the ship instead Of be-
ing captain and pilot and she must
follow somebody else's theory Of life
instead of her own.
The children never understand this.
They pat themselves on the back and
puff out their chest and feel self
righteous and virtuous about doing
their duty so nobly to mother. Sally
tells you how she couldn't bear to
think of mother staying alone in the
old home after father died, and SO
she just picked her up and brought
her to live with her, although mother
foolishly cried and protested against
leaving her old home.
And John tells you that Just as soon
as he got to making a good living he
made mother give up the old board
ing house where she had shaved for
twenty years. and come to live with
him and his family, although it was
like pulling mothers eye teeth to
make her do it, and she still seems to
want to go back to 1t, but he's going
to do what's right by the best mother
he ever had.
He hasn't forgotten how she work
ed to put him through college. No,
sir. He's going to see that she takes
1t easy the balance Of her life. Why,
she hasn't got thing to do now but
help Jenny with the children a little
and look after the house a bit when
they are out-just enough to keep
her interested.
And these well-meaning children
never stop for a minute to consider
the situation from mothers point Of
view, which is the perfectly natural
and human one of desiring to live
ones own life in ones own way, in
ones own home among ones own
things, and to be free t. indulge in
ones own little ways and habits
without criticism.
When we are fifty we have acquired
ways and are entitled to them. They
re the consolation prize of age.
Why should a woman who has found
out the things she likes to eat and
wear best and the opinions that are
most congenial to her be forced to
change them all, as she is sure to have
to do IL she goes to live in q sons or
daughters house.
In her own house mother can sit In
shabby rocking chair that has
shaped itself to her figure. At daugh-
ter's house she must sit in an up-and-
down chair that is a place Of torture
to her because in daughters house
that has been furnished by a profess
sional decorator, there Is nothing so
provincial and comfortable as a rock
ing chair. Why should mother. who
has drunk her coffee with her dinner
every day of her life, be denied that
solace because daughters butler
would have fits over serving coffee in
any other way than in a demi tasse
at the end Of the meal? .~.
Why should mother give up her
fiourishing business that she has built
up, and which affords her not only
an independent living but vital in
terest, to become dependent on her
son and to have sons wife eternally
counting how much more finery she
could have IL her husband didn't have
to support his mother?
There's no reason for It whatever.
1t has just been a silly custom for a
woman, II she was a widow, to live
with her married children, and the
sooner 1t is abolished the better for
all concerned.
That is the crux Of the whole moth
er-in-law situation. No woman who
has been at the head of a house for
half a lifetime, who is energetic and
efficient, can suddenly be deprived of
all outlet for her activities and re-
main sweet and serene, and patient
and aloof. On the contrary, the very
lack Of anything to do makes her
ing no interests Of her own she be-
boxing her finger into everybody else's
pies. Having no wholesome object to
expend her thoughts upon, she grows
morbid and imagines sights where
none were intended.
Nor Is 1t possible for any expert
enced housekeeper to see the waste
and bungling of O young wife learn
Ing her trade. without an irresistible
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