The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1917-12-20
DOROTHY DIX TALKS
BY DOROTHY DIX
Worlds Highest Paid Woman Writer.
independent Mothers.


who has been at the head of her own
house for thirty or forty years mas 10
give it up and go to live with her
children.
The children may be ever SO loNins
and anxious to have mother with thenl-
The in-laws may even bear mother
presence with Christian fortltude ana
resignation. The house to Whlcn
mother goes may be far more iuXur-
ious than any she has ever know n;
She may be able to sit down ana iolo
her hands in idleness for the first time
in her life.
None the less. however, it is trag-
edy, for it means that mother mas lost
her independence-she's a passenger
on the ship instead of being captain
and pilot and she must follow some.
body else's theory of life instead OF
her own.
The children never understand thus
They pat themselves on the. PACK anu
puff out their chest and feel SELF
righteous and virtuous about doing
their duty so nobly to mother Sally
tells you how she couldn't bear TO
think of mother staying alone In the
old home after father died. and SO she
lust picked her up and brought he to
live with her, altho mother foolishiy
cried and protested against leaving her
old home.
And John tells you that Just as sooa
made mother give up the old board
ing house where she had shaved for
twenty years, and come to live with
him and His family, altho it was pull
ing mothers eye teeth to make her do
it and she still seems to want to go
back to it, but he's going to do what's
right by the best mother man ever
had.
He hasn't forgotten how she worked
to put him thru college. No, sir. He's
h
balance of her life. Why. she hasn't
got a thing to do now but help Jenny
with the children a little and look
after the house a bit when they are
out-just enough to keep her inter-
ested.
And these we'll meaning children
never stop for a minute to consider
the situation from mothers point of
view, which is the perfectly natural
and human one of desiring to live
ones own life in ones own way, in
ones own home among ones own
things, and to be free to indulge in
ones own little ways and habits with
out criticism.
When we are fifty we have acquired
ways and are entitled to them. They
are the consolation prize of age Why
should a woman who has found out
the things she likes to eat and wear
best. and the opinions that are most
congenial to her, be forced to change
them all, as she is sure to have to
do, if she goes to live in a sons or
daughters house.
IS In her own house mother can sit
in a shabby rocking chair that has
shaped itself to her figure. At daugh-
ter'S house she must sit in an up-and-
down chair that is place of torture
10 her because in daughters house,
tthat has been furnished by profess
sional decorator, there is nothing so
provincial and comfortable as a rock
ing chair. Wry should mother, who
has drunk her coffee with her dinner
every day of her life, be denied that
solace because daughters butler would
have fits over serving coffee in any
other way than in a demi tasse at the
end of the meal?
Why should mother give up her
flourishing business that she has built
up, and which affords her not only an
Independent living, but a vital inter-
est, to become dependent on her son
and so have sons wife eternally count
ing up how much more finery she
could have if her husband didn't have
to support his mother?
There's no reason for it whatever.
1t has just been silly custom for
woman, if she was a widow, to go
to live with her married children, and
the sooner it is abolished, the better
for all concerned
That is the crux of the whole moth
er-in-law situation. No woman who
has been at the head of house for
half a lifetime. who is energetic and
efficient, can suddenly be deprived OF
all outlet for her activities and remain
sweet and serene, and patient and
aIoof. On the contrary, the very lack
of anything to do makes her restless,
peevish and miserable. Having no in
terests of her own she becomes
meddler and a busy body. poking her
finger into everybody else's pies. Hav-
iup M Wh0loSOn1R object 6XDend
her thoughts upon, she grows morbid
and imagines sights here none were
intended.
Nor is it possible for any expert
enced housekeeper to see the waste
and bungling of young wife learn
ing her trade, without an irresistible
desire to point out her faults to her,
and tell her how she used to do it.
And that why mother and daughter
get on each others nerves when moth
er is deposed and daughter becomes
queen of the household and why moth
er and daughter-in-law fight like the
Kilkenny cats.
II is matter of cold statistics that
in more than half of the divorce cases
the mother-in-law is at the bottom of
all the trouble. and hardly a one of us
can recall single household in which
the advent of either the husbands
mother or the wife'S mother has added
to the happiness of the family circle.
And if mother is a stormy petrol
in the home she is even more miser-
bile herself than she makes others.
If she gets along in peace with her in
laws, and her children, and her criti-
cal grandchildren, she is compelled to
efface herself and to put the soft pedal
on all her likes and dislikes. She Is a
dependent and must fall in with the
humors of those who pay the bills.
Far. far happier would she be in
one room that was her own and in
which she might do and say and dress
and think as she pleases than she is
in her sons or daughters palace. Far,
far happier would she be among
strangers who would listen with re-
spect to her opinions and her remi-
niscences than she is among her own
children. who are free to tell her that
she is growing garrulous and who