The herald. [volume] (New Orleans, La.) 1905-1953, 1917-07-19

over me and l had a short but excit.
ing visit to the slums.
Since that eventful day l have
moved over thirty-six times, and out
Of the thirty-six people l gave the end
seat to all but three Of them belonged
to the Mucilage family, and stayed
there.
Therefore made myself a severe
promise not to worry any more about
my Hog qualifications when movable
or immovable on an opentace car.
I will do as my conscience dictates,
and walk downtown as much as pos
sible.
And, speaking OF street cars, | was
IN one of those cities recently where
some of the cars stop on the near side
Of some of the streets and some stop
on the far side of some of the streets.
Honestly they had me in the air.
l left the hotel to attend to some
business downtown and went over to
the near side of the street to wait for
car.
When the car came along | held
my thumb up in the atmosphere warn
ingly, but the motorman kept on to
the far side and stopped
BY the time / ran over to the far
side he was gone again. and another
car had stopped at the near side.
When l rushed back to the near side
the car passed me going to the far
side, and now the near side looked so
much like the far side that | went
back to the other side, which should
could it be the near side when the car
was on the far side, and l could not
get near the side in time to catch the
car before it was far away on the far
side?
Just as / rushed back again to the
far side the near side became the
nearer side to catch the car, and
when rushed over again from the far
side to the near side the nearer l got
to the near side the clearer could
see that while the far side was far
away it was nearer than the near side,
which was always on the far side
when I hoped to take a car on the
near side.
Then l began to grit my teeth and
made up my mind to anticipate the &C.
ton Of the next car by standing half
way between the near side and the far
side, so that l could run to either side
the emergency called for.
was standing there about a min
ute. much pleased with the idea, be-
cause the near side was about as
far away as the far side, when Just
then an automobile sneaked up behind
me and one of the forward turrets
struck me on my personal far side
and hoisted me over to the near side
Just as a car left for the far side.
reached out my hand to grasp the
far side step, but l missed 1t and
caught the near side, and by this
time the car was on the far side and
the motorman grabbed the near side
OF the electric controller and pushed
II over to the far side, whereupon the
car started for Ell Paso, Tex. at
speed Of about 5000 miles a minute,
and there l was with the near side
Of four fingers holding on to the far
side Of the step and the rest Of my
body sticking straight out In space
like pair of trousers on a clothes
line in a gale of wind.
Then suddenly the near side of my
fingers refused to hold on to the far
side Of the step, and with the near
side of my face struck the far side
of the tracks, and the near side OF
my brain saw every individual star on
the far side of the Universe.
Then went back to the hotel and
crawled into the far side of the bed
while friend wife sent for a near-side
doctor who lived ON the far side of the
block.