The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1917-04-13
WONDER OF infant
How One Ever Lives to Grow Up
Puzzles the Married Man.
Baby Has as Many Hairbreadth Es-
capes Every Day as Heroine in
BloodcurdIina Movie Drama.

The married man dropped on park
bench beside his bachelor friend, gasp
ing for breath and wiping the cold per-
spiration from his forehead. He had
just sprinted 80 yards to rescue a baby
from the attack of a big, vicious mon
grel which had attempted to snatch
cracker from him. Before he had
reached the scene the baby had
cracked the dog on the nose with
spoon and sent it bowling out Of the
park.
81 never could figure out how babies
ever live to grow up" he confessed,
lighting a cigarette with hands that
still shook. "The heroine Of The Dan
gers of Daphne and those other blood
curdling thrillers do not have more ad-
ventures to a reel than baby has in
q day. And yet I can't remember ever
having seen a really damaged baby.
"They can chew everything from
glassware to sofa cushions with every
sign of satisfaction and contentment.
Only rarely do they have to be
thumped on the back or shaken upside
down. Apparently they have the di-
gestion of a stone crusher or con-
crete mixer. They seem to get more
nutriment out Of q bedroom slipper or
q newspaper than a regular human
being could derive from a New Eng
land boiled dinner.
"They can crawl around among
roomful Of people without ever getting
stepped on and can pull a cats tail
with impunity. 1 have seen a baby
climb out Of a high chair or crib and
fall more than its own height without
apparent Inconvenience. 1t doesn't
matter whether 1t lands on head, back
or side. A drop Of the same sort
would probably lay up an athlete for
couple of weeks at the least.
Another thing about babies I can't
understand is that they are apparently
Spartans or else impervious to pain.
have never yet seen baby cry after
any mishap unless somebody was look
ing at it.
"They can run full tilt into chair
and regard it as huge joke. I have
seen a baby who was tumbled over by
the front wheel Of an automobile get
up chuckling and demanding more. A
pair of twins knew were fond Of sit
ting together on the floor to bang each
other amicably with building blocks.
"Of course If somebody picks up
baby after it has banged itself and
sympathiZes with 1t and rubs the hurt
part it begins to realize something Is
wrong and yells, usually on the chance
Of getting a graham cracker or other
delicacy.
II am not denying that they cry a
good deal, but I am convinced that
they do it only on the theory that it
pays to advertise. A baby will cry in
dustriously for long periods for what
1t wants, but rarely wastes many tears
because it has hurt itself.
"Some babies, older and more expert,
enced in the ways of the world than
others, will sneak a hasty look around
the room after they have fallen down
and bumped themselves, sum up their
chances of getting either bite to eat
or reproving spank, and then either
emit heartrending cries or crawl into
seclusion under table.
'As they grow older they get more
and more into the habit Of making 1t
known when they are hurt. When they
reach the age of fourteen or so they
are nearly as much in need of SYM
pathy as grown men who almost with
out exception roam around the world
hunting for somebody to tell their hard
luck story to and very frequently yell
long before they are hurt"