The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1917-12-27
MEN, WOMEN
AND THINGS

| 1 have written about conventions, about
war, about business, about many things
| but now / have a sad personal tale to
relate, which hope will touch the heart
of my readers.
Last night 1 had nine fine hens and
one proud rooster, but this morning 1 was
not awakened by the growing of my
cock, or disturbed by the cackle of my
hens, for some very mean man lifted
them off their roost and left me chicken
less.
I say it advisedly. It's very mean per-
son who will steal preachers chickens.
II ought to be a sacred bird when roost-
ing in parsonage lot. hope the thief
who got mine did it without knowing that
was a minister, for 1 would hate to
think that there was anyone in this great
city fallen so low as to wilfully and
knowingly take my fowls.
1t may be, however, that the party
thought that I had had my share of
chicken, as I had lately been at two
Methodist conferences 1t would be some
comfort for me to think that this was
why he looted my chicken yard 1t
would be evidence that he at least read
this column, and was friendly to me, in
that he felt that if L had failed to get
my share at the tables of Methodists /
still had a chance to even up in Bap-
fist homes
I am always telling people to look
on the bright side, that if they will Try
they can find something of comfort even
when things look the darkest. I am
taking my own medicine, for it's the first
time my hen roost has been cleaned out
for five years. Time was when it was
done at least systematically by the quar-
ter. I got tired of it and went to work
and built a kind of mystic maze and
barb-wired it like a safeguard against a
German attack and then padlocked it.
and chained my chicken house like the
big Rock" itself,
Every now and then I would go out
to find that while some robber had
DTOheI luS lOCk OIL UilC vi lllOIS gates lie
had tired before he got to the last door
and given up in disgust began to think
that fowl bank was safe unless safe
blowers turned into chicken thieves
fear this fear has come to pass, for the
burglars who got my feathered treasures
must have carried Jimmy outfit. | con-
graduate them on their ingenuity and
perseverance. To show them that / bear
them no i'll will, if they will condescend
to bring them to my front door l will pay
full market price for them and give them
a certificate stating that they are pro-
have in writing about my misfortune is
that I dread that the police department
may see it and trouble themselves by
trying to catch the thief or thieves, and
thereby set a new record of efficiency
and bring the department into undue no.
toriety, and cause my good friend, John
Taylor, to blush by being brought into
the limeight.
My grocer was called up early to know
if anyone had offered him a bunch of
newly caught chickens for sale, to be
told that no one had done so, but that
the previous night customers had called
while he was asleep and took the last
one in his yard; that in fact, they had
cleaned out every chicken on the hill on
which he lived, and there was quite bit
of indignation, and he feared that if the
enterprising gentlemen were caught up
with that they would be tarred and
feathered provided enough chicken feath-
ers could be found in the neighborhood
to do the job.
Time was when used to be awakened
by squawk which meant to preserve
my manhood 1 had to dress hurriedly
and take my army Colts and sneak out
chicken house or at some fast vanishing
figure with the hope that | missed him.
All this being done to let the women folk
know that I was the head of the house
and not afraid to protect it, but away
down in my heart l was always ashamed
of the silly performance.
I said few paragraphs back that
there is always a silver lining to every
cloud, and so there is to the dark one
that hangs over my home, because the
chickens have fled never to return. Here
is where l see bright spot. The thieves
were kind enough to postpone their calls
until / changed my room from the side
on which the chicken yard is to the other
side Of the house. Then they came and
get them without disturbing me and
causing me to get out of a warm bed
to pretend that l wanted to slay them to
save my birds. I call this luck, and
therefore instead of repining l am con-
graduating myself that missed catching
a bad cold which is much better than
catching chicken thief.
I do not want to knock the chicken
business. fear Moses, my friend, and
the editor Of The Weekly AgeHerald,
the best farm paper in Alabama, might
not like it, but speaking in confidence I
feel that / have saved money by losing
my fowls. for am sure that if | had kept
books against them, as my friend, Asa
Gambler, Jr., used to keep them against
his when he had the chicken fever, that
Lit would be shown that they ate their
heads eff while lying around Chat is
what they did; they never layed around
so far as l could discovery. Truth, how
ever demands me to state that sensing
that they had lived on me without pay
ing any egg rent two of the old sisters
had a change of heart and left behind
two eggs just to show that they were
religiously inclined.
G. ubv ,yaan@ can coma homo now