The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-02-18

willing to allow the poor creature to work for him while he sat up, no doubt, swigging beer every minute of the day and carousing with other women at night Oh, MT. Caudle, you men, you men. It has come to the point where there's hardly one of you who can be trusted. But, thank good ness, we have courts that are honest, even though presided over by men, where wife can get her rights occa- sionally
 Didn't I say at the beginning that it looks as if the poor women were going to stand some show? Yes; you believe did say that? Certainly I did, MT. Cau- dle, and what's more, I may say it again before l finish. And then there was the case of the poor wife who detected a strange perfume on her husbands coat know the kind exactly; it costs s10 an ounce, which is $9 more than most wives can afford to pay for it. We'll, what of that, do you say? Much of that. I know exactly what that creature of a husband said. He said just what you'd have said. And what you'd have said? You'd have said 'Dearie, if there was perfume on my coat, I did not put it there, and never go to any place but the club, and everybody knows there is no such thing as perfume at a mans club. You know darling, where I spend my evenings, be- cause you telephone dozens of times to the club every hour I am there..' Yes but telephoning a mans club and get ting word that your husband is engaged but will ring you up later is not con- vincing evidence that a man is at the club. Whats that? You can't argue with me? This is our regular converse tion when you come home at night, and you have it to the same tune in the morning? If you ever have any stray perfume on your coat, knowing how of fensive it would be to me, you'd stop at the club and change your coat? Oh, MT. Caudle, what a beast you arel
 That reminds me, MT. Caudle: What made you go to sleep the other evening when our neighbors were calling, and snore as you did? was never so em- barrassed in my life. It was the first time the new neighbors had ever been in our house. and what do you suppose their impression of us was? They must think you the most impolite man in tho world. If it had been that old bum, Tattletale, and his niece, I suppose you would have stayed up all night acting like spring chicken and making a fool of yourself generally. You can't stand the way the new neighbor lady lisps? And she gushes so over her husband? Well, I'm sure it is very refreshing to find a woman who has a husband that she can gush over. l certainly wish had one that would oc- casonally inspire an enthusiastic emo ton. You didn't like her long, scrawny legs and ankles and you hate black stockings? Why, MT. Caudle, you are growing positively immoral in your old age What do you admire? Pale pink and yellow stockings and plump ankles and short legs? Whats that? Morality or immortality doesn't abide in the color of stockings?"
 q suppose it is all one and the same thing, though; ever since the time of Adam women have been having trou- ble with men, I read in magazine the other day, MT. Caudle. that Adams family skeleton had been recently dragged out by busy entomologist who before he had been at it half hour relegated Eve to the place of a second wife; I always thought that; I knew that nobody could be as know ing as Adam except 8 seasoned old widower; and besides the learned en- tomologist declared that Adam also had an affinity; it was Iillith. An, ha! I knew that also: never saw man in my life that didn't have an affin- ity; and what happened? While the willy old Adam prospered and kept on fooling his poor wife. Lillith, his af- finity, went away to Beelzebub. After that Adam got to be very introspec- tive; and he had mighty little to do hut run around the grounds of the garden and think. Poor Eve, I guess it was lucky she had thinking cap, too, and believe me I'm glad she put one over on him so beautifully with that forbidden fruit stunt and the snaxe and the rest. Good for her! Pm always glad to hear that some woman has gotten ahead of a man! And the magazine I read said that Lillith was a blonde: as if that were neces- sary. I've never yet heard of a home wrecker that wasn't a blonde up to this day. That's the reason I'm 80 wary of that Tattletale girl; with her golden hair and her big blue eyes. I