New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1917-01-14
By ROY X. MOULTON

what's the matter with Mexico. The trouble
with Mexico is this
Every mans diagnosis Of our unfortunate
sister republics ailment differs widely from
every other mans diagnosis.
Mr.. Woodrow Wilson has told us what is the
matter with Mexico Mr. Henry Lane wilson
has told US what is the matter with Mexico
Mr.. Woodrow has told us one thing and MI
Henry Lane has told us another. There seems
10 be not the slightest family resemblance De
tween the two diagnoses. Colonel Roosevelt
has also ventured an idea more militant thah
academic, which opposes the opinions OF DOM
the Wilson's. But we should hesitate before
discrediting any one Of the three, for probably
each Of them is right in regard to the matter
II three hundred and sixty persons should
toll what is the matter with Mexico and each
sbould differ one from the others, every one OF
them might be absolutely correct for there are
uore things the matter with Mexico than with
any other country in the world, not excepting
China, with which 90 per cent of things are all
wrong.
After investigating the situation for year,
I was confused After ten years was Devil
dered. and after thirty years was sane enough,
perhaps. upon other subjects, but babbling
imbecile upon the subject Of Mexico. when
arrived home from Chihuahua this year
found that the man who runs the delicatessen
shop near our campus knew more OF the true
inwardncss Of the Mexican situation than /.
where have you been?" he asked, politely.
az have been sojourning IN Mexico for the
last several months" replied.
"Wel, I'll tell you what's the matter with
Mexico" said he.
And he did.
7 was as anxious TO believe his version as to
believe my own for my own opinion is scram-
bled and | realize that one can't unscramble
an opinion any more than he can unscramole
an egg.
Therefore I set down merely the composite
opinion of others
beg leave to submit herewith the impress
sions of Mexico which seem to be most popular
with the streetcar. cracker barrel and curb
stone diplomats in our own country. do not
vouch for the authenticity of any Of these i'm
pressions, but merely pass them on as they
have come to me from a thousand sources.
Mexico is stable patch of ground, which
lies just beyond the Rio Grande-and lies and
lies.
It is the thickest part of the tail of North
America.
It is bounded on the south by Guatemala and
Colonel Goethals's campaign against the Guile
bra slide, on the north by the American Ma
tional Guard and General Funston's vocabu-
larry, and on the east and west by Uncle Jimmy
Monroe's famous doctrine, which, in its old
age, has apparently grown too proud to fight
There are 13,6O5,9l9 different brands of
trouble in Mexico at the present time. each
Mexican representing one of the brands.
The crops are varied and profuse. The Mex
leans don't go in much for a rotation of crops,
but raise everything all the time. They raise
cactus, sage brush, chill con carne, hot tamales,
mandolins beautiful senoritas, bandits, silver
mounted saddles ella monsters. rattlesnakes,
lizards. pessinristic mules, revolutions and
certain other thing to which General William
Tecumseh Sherman once likened war. This
they raise continuously, twenty-four hours
day.