davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Grand Forks herald. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1916-1955, 1917-05-18
READY FOR BUSINESS

when will you be ready for business" asked the
commander Of the British fotlla which was waiting at
Queenstown to extend greetings to the American squad
ron on its arrival.
We can start at once" replied the American COM
mander, and he did.
European slowness, and of British slowness in partic-
rection. The British. it is true. are inclined to take
things in a little more leisurely fashion than are most
Americans, but it would he q mistake to suppose that
there is anything slow about the British navy. That
navy. it is a matter of common knowledge. is by far the
largest in the world. 1t is also a marvel Of efficiency.
Its great ships, with their tremendous armament and
their thousands of men drilled to the last point OF ef-
fciency, are like the cannon which they carry, ready to
be discharged with deadly effectiveness on the instant.
The Queenstown dispatch says that the British
commander was surprised at the reply which he re-
ceived from the American. We doubt 1t. We have no
doubt that as a matter of courtesy he went through the
that the rely which he received was the one which he
expected. and that instead Of surprise at what he knew
would be the fact. his feeling was one Of admiration for
the manner in which a man engaged in his own sor, of
work had fitted his command for the prompt perform
ance Of its duty. :
Perhaps many Of US have also been making the
other mistake of assuming that because our navy is de-
plorably small for the duty which is required Of It, it is
also inefficient. There is nothing In that. In everything
but size, our navy is thoroughly fitted for service.
Whether 1t is the best, or the next best in the world we
But the American navy il an organization of which the
American people have a right to be proud.
The American squadron. after its crossing of the
Atlantic, was ready for business. There IL no occasion
for surprise in that, but there IL occasion for unbounded
qualification.
Grand Forks herald. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1916-1955, 1917-05-18

Washington, May 17.-when peo-
pie talk to America about profiting
by the experiences Of England and
France they mean, in large part, that
this country should see what waste of
energy there was abroad. why 1t was.
and what must be done to prevent its
duplication here. AS the government
Is attempting to bring its military and
Industrial machinery to the highest
point OF efficiency, so are all Of the
tain the biggest net results from the
productive forces Of the nation. In
no field 10 this effort more necessary
and IN none is the task more difficult
than In that of val relief.
Those concerned with this problem
thought first OF all, and most hope
fully. OF the American Red Cross.
official relief agency of the govern
ment, because of the extent and ef-
hciency Of its already assembled ma
chinery. the Red Cross was predes-
tined to be the controlling factor in
relief work and the center from
which all effort should be co-ordi-
mated and directed.
Red Cross Works in Two Fields.
In attempting to make relief work
efficient. the executives of the Red
Cross recognized two general divis-
ions, that Of the treatment Of wound
ed soldiers and sailors and hat Of
furnishing supplies at home and
abroad. In the first Of these divis-
ions the Red Cross was alone and
supreme. It was the official agent
Of the government and became in
effect a part Of the army and nav
in war. The only problem here was
one Of developing to the fullest ca
Grand Forks herald. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1916-1955, 1917-05-18
(By Richard Henry Little in the
40 HArAld.l

Il all happened one morning just
before the advance on Cavite Vteeo.
long years ago in the Philippines. the
administers had been thrown forward
and were working their way through
the stifr tropical undernrusn' not Inc fe
fire until the native gentlemen closely
associated with Emilio Aguinaldo OPP
ened up. Suddenly in front OF us
from the direction Of our skirmishers
came the spiteful "boompf' Of one OF
our old-fashioned, black powder
springfields. I went with an oficer
to find out who had disobeyed orders
We found a man rolling on the
ground thrashing a bloody hand
around; the little finger had been
shot of. The man began an tnco-
herent explanation Of how he q
been jumped by a nigger-the enlist
ed man always called the Filipino
brother a Niger. even the Ninth cav and
Twenty-f1fth infantry, most Of whom
were the color Of your old black nat.
We looked at the wounded mans
hand and found 1t full Of powder. we
examined his Springfield and found
the barrel warm There was an ex-
ploded shell in the breech; the man
had stuck his little finger down the
Ilu&8l0 u lib EluS duu pu1AON 81"
trigger. We accused him Of the deed
and he admitted it, meanwhile cry
ing hysterically and praying for us
to shoot him.
IT Jest knewed he would do that"
said the corporal Of the squad with
the same reckless disregard for the
English language that the wounded
soldier had shown for his finger. He's
a good boy an would make a good
soldier in time. but he's jest been
crazy homesick and went clean loco.
II we had dun had a =. M. G. A:
outfit, along with us this wouldn't
hev happened"
We called the litter-bearers and
sent the wounded man back to ne
eventually graduated into jail. and
I tarried with the corporal to find
out how the presence Of the Y: M.
c. A. would have kept q soldier from
shooting of his little finger. The adj
vance had been halted to walt for the
navy to start Smelling. There was a
good opportunity for a quiet gab-fesr.
only thing the matter with that guy
was Inconsistencies. He wuz jest crazy
to get back to his pa and ma and
some skirt whose picture he had in
his watch. He thought of 'em SO
much and wanted to see 'em so bad
he was Jest plum crazy that boy was.
He wuz so skeered he was goin' to
git killed in this fight we're goin' to
have as soon as the navy gifts through
with their breakfast an their finger
bowls and have read the mornin' pa
pers an cussed out the marines that
he Jest couldn't stand it. That home
sickness is the worst feelin' in the
world. I've seen fellows blow their
brains o ffinstid Of their little fingers,
and this here boy, thinkin' If he Jest
got a nice little hurt he would be
sent back to hospital and be out Of it
all and finally go back to his pa and
ma and the skirt, jest natcherally
stuck his finger down the muzzle of
his gun and blew It off,"
But" I asked, where does the
Y. M. G. A. come in? You said this
thing wouldn't have happened II a Y.
M. G. A. outfit was with the regi-
ment. And I gathered from your re-
Grand Forks herald. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1916-1955, 1917-05-18
SONG OF THE CHASERS
(By FOLGER McK1NsEY.)
The "Bentstown Bard" in the
Ralfimora Sun-

Slim dogs are we. and sleek ana
swift
To drive our course by dark or
light
Wherever a persicope may lift
It's onery flst for q stroke at sight.
Lean dogs and true to nose them out,
Or by what deeps they choose
And this IL the song that the chasers
AS they wait for word and news:
Slim dogs to track the slick foe
And the mines they plant between:
And what is the toll they bring to
town
OF the last lost submarine!
They loosed them one and loosed
them two.
And then by scores they came;
But whether a thousand or a few,
Well chase them home the same
Lean hounds and hungry for the
scent,
Give us thy paths. o sea,
And down to Davy Jones hell-bent
Well send them. port and lee:
y Yes, down to Davy Jones ere long,
With the we brine in their hair;
And that's but the first Of our little
OF the chaser, the dev,,-may-
care!
AZ they coast these shores or sweep
the main,
By God we. too, shall coast;
And where they creep, twill be in
vain.
By tho Lusitania's ghost!
For sneak they will and peck they
will,
But sooner or later we
Shall count and quarter their devils
And give them the deep, deep sea;
Yes. give them the nest they've
given those
Who were helpless in their
And the little ones. with their lips
Of rose,
And the women full Of fright.
Our freeboards rise to the dashing
spray,
Our swift screws churn like bees:
We seek by night and seek by day
our enemy whether they hide or
whether they show
Their snouts to the spume and foam.
Well drive them out and deal the
blow ~
That'n drive them cringins home:
Home. home. drive home their
i. sneaking breed,
And their pirate band at last.
For we r the dogs for death and
As the per.icope hurtle past.
Grand Forks herald. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1916-1955, 1917-05-18
IRELAND AGAIN

Except for the fact that the two great groups into
which the Irish people are divided have on various and
sundry occasions given demonstrations Of their inability
to get together on anything pertaining to the govern
by Premier Lloyd George is one which would promptly
be accepted.
The plan is very simple. 1t n proposed that all OF
Ireland except Ulster shall pass under the local control
of an Irish parliament. and that the disposition Of Ul-
ster shall be left in allegiance.
The dispute over the inclusion Of Ulster in an Irish
home rule scheme is chiefly religious and quite largely
economic. Broadly speaking, Ulster is Protestant while
the rest Of Ireland Is Catholic. The Protestants of the
north profess to believe. and doubtless most Of them
do believe that II they were once brought under the rule
of the Catholic majority their religious freedom would
be imperiled and Catholicism would be imposed on them
through the work and the control Of tho schools.
The north of Ireland is the great industrial section
OF the country, and the section in which there IL the
greatest wealth. Fear exists there that under homo
rule plans Of taxation would be adopted which would
work grave hardships on the Industrial population, and
that. in substance. Ulster would be taxed for the bens-
fit Of the rest Of the country.
The Ulster people are willing to agree to any home
rule scheme 80 long as they are left out Of it. Tho
pronounced home rulers declare that the fears of the
Ulster people that they will be oppressed either on the
score of their religions or on the score of their property
holdings are unwarranted and unfounded.
To anyone who can for a moment forget the mill
tant character Of the Irish 1t would seem that the south
en Irish would jump at the chance to obtain local gov
eminent for themselves. and to make such a success Of
1t that their northern neighbours would insist on sharing
in its benefits. It seems quite safe to predict that if the
present proposition is accepted, and the Dublin parlia-
ment conducts itself with wisdom. 1t will not be long
before the Ulster people themselves will ask to be, taken
into a united Ireland.
Grand Forks herald. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1916-1955, 1917-05-18
The Story the Corporal Told;
WhatY Y. M. C. A. Will Do for Army
marx. that you are not . religious

mark: that you are not = religious
Il haint," said the corporal; but
the r M. G. A. knows now to take
soin, nutty. They do plenty Of good
everyways, but their long suit 10 to
keep feilers from getting Il home
sick that they Jest g fairly crazy.
like that boy did. Back In Bacoor
we had two rockies that got 30 homo.
slok they just moped around and.
cried all night. The lootenant kept
putting EN- in the Guardhouee. but
It didn't do no good.
"When our captain came back to
the company he went to the sgQard-
house and he looked them two birds
over and he said: Corporal, take them
lixzards down to Manila
".And put 'em in Bilbid.' I says.
meaning the Jail"
-"'No,' says he. turn 'em over to
the Y. M. G. A.
$50 I took them two sad-eyed hoot-
owls down to Manila and handed en-
over to the boss of the YIN. G. 4.
"'Cure 'em up I says to the Sec
retary-bird; cure 'em. up. an ct you
can't cure EN- up Jest shoot 'em. They
hain't no good to us the way they
are
well, the next day I hunted up
the two insects that I had brung
up from Bacoor and found the 7. M.
G. A. secretary-bfrd had EN- working
in the hospitals writing letters for
wounded men an dyin' men back to
their people at home. And one Of the
homesick umbries talked, to me. and
he said, I'm ashamed Of myself; I'm
q great big baby. Here these boys
are going out and yet they're big
and brave and a-telling me fine things
to put in their letters to cheer up
their folks over there in the states.
I'm not going to be q fool$no more
well, sir, those boys. came back
in a week to the regiment. and from
then on they was the two best SOL
diers we had in the whole DANCED
outfit. I've knowed a lot OF cases
like that. If you're q rookie In the
army there's plenty Of officers to
teach you how to place your feet and
handle a Springfield, and there's the
commissary to feed you, and the quar-
termaster t clothe you and the doc
tors to make you we'll, but there hain't
nobody, somehow, that does Jest what
the Y. M. c. A. does. It's the pa and
ma to a soldier man. and 1t Jest
works to keep him clean and self.re-
spectin' and happy. That's why I'm
for TENT"
And also why I am for 'em and why
I'h hoping that the campaign the
z. M. C. A. is carrying on to get
funds. for it's work in soldier camps
and at the front will bring 1t q great
deal Of money. No money accom-
plishes more good or goes further
than the money that supports the
7. M. G. AS army work.
Grand Forks herald. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1916-1955, 1917-05-18
THE MELTING POT
(From Leslie's.)s
Mexico is quieting Town.
A ponnavl1yo min 1,,d~a -.

Mexico is quieting down.
A ~Pennsylvania Judge recently
granted six divorces in. six minutes.
Sixteen Kentucky distillers have
agreed to stop production while the
war lasts.
Billy Sunday says he would like to
go to the war with Col. Roosevelt il
only to black his boots.
A Wilmington (Del.) man was re-
Gently fined 800 for forcing an g.
year-old boy to drink a glass Of
whiskey.
A New jersey farmer settled the Ia
Dor problem by employing his seven
daughters to help on the
farm.
A number of oficeholders in Yonk-
ers, N. Y. have just been indicted
charged with forgery in road condem-
nation proceedings.
The st. Louis representative Of a
New York brokerage Arm Is giving
up a $4,000 a ear position to enlist
as a private at SIS a month.
A milltonatres who recently died at
Los Angeles. Cal, provided in her will
that her wrists should be cut after her
death to make death certain.
Inc proposed new war tax on in
comes OF $1,000 would affect $500. 900
men and women workers throughout
the United States, including many
farmers.
The business agent Of the Business
Trades Council at Cleveland was re-
Gently sent to prison for demanding
$4,000 olackmail to prevent a strike
Ten women in each Of the 80 coun-
ties OF Mississippi are to contribute to
a mammoth Mississippi birthday cake
as a factor in the Mississippi Cen
tennia!, which opens in Gulfport, next
December.
H. G. Hoover, chairman Of the
american Food Board. says that the
average American eats 26 Der cent.
than he needs and that there is
OF American households.
The American Sugar Refining com.
pany last year paid nearly 100000 in
pensions and sick benefits to its en-
ployes. They are permitted to retire
at the age Of IS OF on the Compilation
OF 30 years service.
Chicago bakers. r~esentine
statement Of Samuel Gompers.
President Of the American Federation
OF LABOR. that no strikes would be
cailed during the var said he woul0
cago. enA
A !226.ooo 7. M. c. A.. club house
is to be erected at the Minneoua Steal
Works Of the Colorado Fuel q Iron
company at Pueblo, Colo. The Great
er portion Of the funds has been CON
son. 80" $50
Hon. John Lord o'Brien Of Buffalo.
IN q recent address said: 'The state
cannot be run by magazine writer's.
nor a clear thinking be looked for
on the part Of that great body ~ c;ti.
zens who today derive their educa.
tional stimulus from desultory reading
IN innumerable periodicals. MANY 81
which might be likened in our time to
intellectual rubbish heaps
Lot the people rule!
Grand Forks herald. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1916-1955, 1917-05-18
NO PLACE IN CIVILIZATION.
Hartford Courant.

We accept the word OF DR.. Died.
rich Hahn, leader Of the aerarian
junker party and q member Of the
reischstag: for It. when. in making q
Icy. he says that "Germany's futmra
is Q future Of battle and Conquest"
That 10 why We are in the war, aeainst
her. Any nation that takes that q ?
OF outlook upon fts future has. no
proper place in the civilized world.
i stands among the other nations
like q disorderly neishbor does among
individuals. The German people
Of their place and their destiny. and
the. autocrAcyF that has 20 debesod
tbe nauonai vtsw must b dsstr0yod.
Grand Forks herald. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1916-1955, 1917-05-18

Ian Malcolm, member Of parlia-
ment and parliamentary private sec
rotary to Hon. A.. ]. Balfour, is q
member Of the British commission
visiting America. In. England he is
chairman of the Red Cross commit
tee on wounded and missing, an in
formation bureau which requires the
the services Of 500 clerks to take care
Of the work. ". r. Castle. Jr.. Of
Honolulu, will have charge. of a SINH
lar bureau for the United States war
activities. /.
Mr.. Malcolmsshas explained some
Of the difficulties the Organization had
encountered in France. He told Of
the wonderful improvement made in
Identifying and classifying the wound
ed. dead and missing. and urged that
the Red Cross Of America plan to un-
dertake that class Of work. suggesting
that a nucleus for such work already
exists in the Americans now in France
who have been trained for relief work
since the war began.
Although the newly created war
council Of the American Red Cross
has not formulated its plans, It Is ex-
pected MI. Malcolm's suggestions will
be adopted, but - soon as possible
an. efficient corps Of men and women,
will start for France. with the inten-
ton Of alleviating the suffering Of the
civilian population, and the rehabili-
tation Of farming communities. now
destitute.
Preliminary reports from q few
Red Cross chapters to national head.
quarters indicate that the generosity
OF the American people ID going to on
able the new war council to place
millions of dollars at the disposal Of
that organization. H: M. Dawson
Cleveland Dodge 10 chairman, found
the country's business men were re-
spending with a hearty spirit Of Coz
operation. Ia
Grand Forks herald. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1916-1955, 1917-05-18
THE WORLD DO MOVE

A chronicle Of achievement in the
fields Of science and invention:
A New Jersey inventor has pat
ented a window shutter. the upper
half Of which can be opened in the
usual way or lifted from the bottom
to serve as awnings.
A pen recently patented is double
jointed. 30 that 1t can be used either
as a 1ne-pointed or stub pen.
A new electric screw driver has
been patented which is said greatly
to reduce the time required in screw
ing and unscrewing.
"A new vacuum cleaner 10 ~esnecially
designed for the cleaning Of school
blackboards. and is said to be eKec-
tive and sanitary.
japanese toymakers use tin cans
largely In the making of toy soldiers.
silks are now. printed by means of
coloraphotography by some French
textile manufacturers
Grand Forks herald. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1916-1955, 1917-05-18
ONE REQUIREMENT FULFILLED.

John Brown. being an orphan. ra-
sided with n Of his grandmothars
For . grandmother she was a var,,
nasstng old lady. or SO Joey thoueht
Her hobby was cleanliness, ana shs
was always lecturing Joey about
cleaning his teeth before he, went ia
oed. Not long ago he visited hid
ly. was afflicted with anothar IT,
of mania. Az Joey was goinr IN H.
she said: - oeo
Joey. have you read your bible to-
mo, ma'am." replied joey. Than
ne ADDED, exultantly: but I have
cleaned my teeth"
Grand Forks herald. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1916-1955, 1917-05-18

long and foolishly for 40. but had to
yield at last. The 31st birthday, A.
nally agreed upon. il quite high
enough for this service.
We are o after a landsturm, but
after a legion of the most effective,
most readily disciplinable young mon
OF the country. Old men for coun-
sel-young men for war. We shall no
doubt do well enough with the 30 year
Odds. Too bad that we cannot have
that spleidtd phalanx Of American
manhood Of the ages Of - and 20!
Grand Forks herald. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1916-1955, 1917-05-18
THE MIDDLEsEx, REGIMENT.
London Sporting Times.

London Sporting Times.
It was in a little out Of the way
village In France, and the Highland
regiment was swinging along the
road. Two old Frenchmen. obvious
ly puzzled by their costume. wera
having a heated argument on the
same.
Said one: "Zey cannot be mon, for
look at Re dress. and re skirts!"
Replied the other: icy cannot be
women. for Fey have re m%oustachis,'
"Ah!" replied the first speaker, IT
have 1t. 10y are 70 famous Middlesex
regiment Of whom I have heard. 30
m0och!"
Grand Forks herald. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1916-1955, 1917-05-18
ON EASY CoNDTTT0Na

The widow sat beside the bed,id.
Of her dying friend.
Nov. Susan. whom you ret ia
heaven. viii 9 toll John that I am
longing @ 30 With him :" she said.
IT I secs your John I'll sure tai,
him." Susan said. ''but II I DON =
Amt a-goin' clickety- clankin' ali ovar
heaven 3lookin' for him."
Grand Forks herald. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1916-1955, 1917-05-18
MARKETING IN MAINE

Several years ago some hundreds Of Maine farmers
became sufficiently impressed with the Importance Of
systematizing their marketing to take steps whereby
Grand Forks herald. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1916-1955, 1917-05-18

nsrsiA Went A. 1eia9 Results.
Willmar tribune. [volume] (Willmar, Minn.) 1895-1931, 1917-05-23
SUPPLY AT STAKE
Conditions in This County Are 1nto1er-
able, Says Warden, and Good C1t1-
zaus Must Awaken to End Thorn.

Mr.. c. G. Stoner, game warden of
Glenwood, called at The Tribune once
this morning in company with r. X: Ol-
son. the local game warden. Mr.. Ston-
er spoke bluntly and plainly as to the
illegal fishing conditions in this county.
He had come overland from PaynesVllle
and said the conditions existing along
the lakes he visited are positively lntol-
cradle, and that if the citizens OF the
county do not awaken and give their
game warden their support in the en-
forcement of the fish laws, the future
Of the game fishing will suffer serious
mission will be justified in furnishing
fish fry with which to re-stock lakes
when the people living around the lake
will persist in violating. the netting
laws or give their moral support to
those who do violate them. No game
warden can be expected alone to watch
what is going on in the hundred lakes
in the county, and it's up to the law
abiding people to get behind him and
give him their support. In Pope coun-
ty conditions have been so radically
changed during the past four years that
little or no ille~al netting is done. The
people living about the lakes are jeal-
ousiy guarding their fish and give the
warden the clues necessary to appre-
bend illegal fishers. Such cooperation
is what Warden Ernest Olson of this
county needs, said Mr.. Stoner.
The wardens made a haul at Lake
Florida last night, we understand. one
man is said to have about forty black
bass in his possession which were taken
with net. Warden Olson has conf1scat-
ed a large number of nets taken from
different lakes lately.
Willmar tribune. [volume] (Willmar, Minn.) 1895-1931, 1917-05-23
CONFERENCE MEETINGS HERE
Iitchfeld District Meetings Were Held
In This city Last Week.

The meetings Of the Litchfield dis,
trict of the NJ. e. churches were held
in the Methodist church here last Tues
day, Wednesday and Thursday: The
Following pastors were in attendance:
J. NJ. Burns, Annandale; ]. S.: Kettle
we'll, Appleton; John Walker, Brooklyn
Center; H B. ADAMS; R B. W;}trn F. nix
River and Zimmerman; George Hanna,
Gienwood; R. w. Bell, Grove Lake, Ly-
man Prairie and Brooten;, Lawrence
Radcliff, Hector; E. A. Cook, Hutchin-
son; r. P. Cummings. Kimball; F. c.
Gilchrist Lester Prairae and L N9rW Sood
ice. Little Falls; A. J. oliver, Milaca;
G. R. Geer, Montevideo; T. A. Stafford
Monticello;: Henry Nobbs Morris; W.
S. Emry, Olivia; John Watson. Orion
vile; ii. j. Soltau, Oswego; F. L.: Gal
braith. Parker Lake: c.. H; Muse:
J. r. Davies, Renville; T: B. Clark.
Ronneby and Santiago; ": c. Lee; st:
Cloud; F. J Bryan, Sank Rapids; Allison
Barnard, Stewart and Buffalo Lake and
J. J. Parish, Willard and Westport.