The Washington herald., 1917-01-22
Tabloid Tales
by THE OBsERNER

A nice staid bachelor, who is noted for
his old-maidish dignity and an absoIuts-
~ abnormal degree of efficiency, went out
TO buy birthday gift for Cousin Sue, who
lived in distant city He remembered
Sue as dainty feminine bit, even at the
coltish age, just the type to develop into
an appls-olossom sort of girl at IS.
When he saw. in a shop window. a
huffy heap of pink silk and chiffon. all
hillowy with lace and tiny rosebuds and
delectable ribbons, he Just naturally
thought of spring time-and annie bios
soms-so he grasped his stick rrmIv and
walked brayely into the sacred shrine
OF woman's wear
Now, he hadn't the vaguest notion what
the silk and chiffon cOnfection was. or
where you wore it. hut he drew the as
siduous saleswom over to the window
and pointed out lie, article
"l'n take that" he said firmly.
Yes. Sir" blandly replied the girl. and
as she deftly withdrew the silk fun from
the case and spread II out on the counter,
she called II by ma me-right out loud
Shades of embarrassed males,
The bachelor blushed to the roots OF
where his hair was several years ago. It
would NOT DO Tor Cousin Sue; in fact.
all his female relatives were too distinct
- AOI Nils CIlluOn lrl0e. But Hhat
TO do? Too late to retire gracefully and
with dignity from the purchase. so, In
something of a panic, he resolved to buy
1t and get rid of 1t the best way he could.
There is bachelor in this town who
Is a hunted man. He knows how GRIM
inals feel and he is sorry for every one
who has detective trailing him-whether
murderer, forger. hold-up man, or pros
pective divorcee
The
fon is a leaden ball on his soul. He is
afraid to leave II in his apartment lest
the chambermaid find II and think
dreadful things. II he carries II with
him. he may get run over by an auto
mobile and It will be found on him and
published in the newspapers. He has no
fireplace where he can burn It and he
has no excuse for prowIing around the
apartment house refuse cans II he drops
It surreptitiously in the street. It's sure
to be returned to him Che always was
lucky about reSaining lost articles. He
has even thought of his safe deposit box
at the bank, but he may drop dead some
day and leave his memory forever be-
smirched in the minds OF his executors.
And he dassent give it to a soul.
VIII somebody please help the poor
bachelor? Because this is a true story.
Two women. obviously strangers. sat
side ny side at a spirituaIIst meeting
waiting for things to begin one was in
shabby mourning, but the others hat
haunted an unmistakable mustard feath-
er which bobbed violently as she ffdgeted,
I'm that nervous" she finally connded
to the other woman. I've come here to
see Aunt Mary. She went last winter
and don't you know. she never told where
she put her recipes for light mullins. She
was great hand at mullins and she
never let anybody watch her when she
mixed 'em. Just selfish, 1 call 1t. Al
ways said she'd write the receipts and
leave EN- to us. but don't you know. she
went of without telling where she hid
EN-. I've been thinking and thinking
about coming here and asking to talk to
her spirit-not that l believe exactly. but
Cousin Emma had second sight and she
saw where her mother put her garnet
brooch that everybody thought had been
stolen. But I'm lawful scared OF spirits
and Aunt Mary never liked me much
anyhow. I don't know how she'll take
me disturbing her. as you might say.
And she was always awful snippy about
those muffins-but you just ought to've
seen them-all brown and so light they
would melt in your month. I'll bet Aunt
Mary won't come without an awful fuss
unless heavens changed her nature
lot. I'm that oId-fashioned I believe
in heaven in spite of these newfangled re-
ligtons. I said to Jim just Yesterday"
Heaven the black-clad woman
caught at the word. please God, yes"
Lost somebody" curiously.
My son-somewhere in France"
We'll, now, amt that too bad! But
as l said to Jim
Just an episode. but