The Washington herald., 1917-10-24
GOOD MORNING
JUDGE
He Ha. a Record Now.
By RUDOLPH PERKINs

ne mas = uecOr0 Now
His life was one grand sweet song.
Alphonso Brown stole some airs"
We do not refer to what Is commonly
called wind pudding" but real airs.
Brown worked in a music store.
All day long he was listening to
"Over There and .'Bedelia" and
Every Little Movement"
For several evenings he executed
a little movement Of his own. same
being a graphophone record sneaked
out under his coat.
Eleven times he did this. Soon he
had IS worth OF canned music. The
boss got suspicious as things were
not tuning up right with him.
Brown was pinched. His excuse
was that he was starving. But how
in the blazes can you eat a graphic
phone record. 1t might satisfy the
hunger of your soul for music, but
as for your tummy. never in the
world.
He didn't sell the records. And yet
he was almost ready to go to the
poorhouse. He offered to pay for the
records.
The boss wanted to know why he
didn't pay for them in the first place.
Brown couldn't explain.
Judge Pugh assured him that he
| " ould look out for him for the next
thirty days at the workhouse. That
Is unless he can scrape up a 81
bill.
| Lights Out.
| "I love my cane, but oh you swag-
ger sick"
Leander Hayes Che's not the boy
who swan the HellesponO, came home
the other night. dressed himself up
and made ready to go out.
, Myra, his wife, did the best she
could to get things all ready. When
1t came to finding his swagger stick,
it couldn't be done. She suggested
taking his cane.
H, no." said Lesnder. "Ah wants
nah stick en- - d. ef All amt
gonna get it"
"oh please don't use them swear
words" pleaded wifey, they max,
my blood run cold"
\ Bang, went Leander's fist in wifey's
| eye. To the courthouse she did q
marathon. A warrant. A cell for
| Lcander.
Judge. please doan send him tc
JAIL" pleaded Myra, cause l has tc
have food for nah chillen. en- you
knows how high things is these days.
| Leander was released on his per
sonal bonds not to black his wife's
other eye
Spilled the Beans,
They were sitting In a Greek res.
taurant waiting for some one to come
| along and treat them.
These two women, Josie Parker an6
Maggie Brown. had no special love
for one another.
/ A man came in. Both women knew
him. He bought Maggie a plate Of
beans. Afterwards some dough
nuts.
In the meantime Josie was sitting
there with her mouth watering ant
getting madder every minute. Twas
the first time that Maggie ever got
ahead of her.
She up and told Maggie that she
had no rigMh the world to be
hungry. With a mouthful of bean.
Maggie told her to mind her OWE
d. business.
Josie got up and smacked the bean,
right out of her mouth. Maggie al
most checked.
In the fight Josie got a black eye
She never knew who did it. Wher
she got home a warrant was waiting
for her,
Twenty dollars Is an awful price t.
pay just to go into a lunchroom anc
then not get anything but a blacl
eye, but that is what the doctor
ordered for Josie.
| A ReruIar Cut I'm.
Philip Smith was the possessor oi
big cut glass punch bowl HI
allowed it to repose on the sideboart
of Annie Tibbs, from whom he rent
ed a room.
He had some words with Annie ant
was about to move. Annie didn't car,
to have him move his things ou
on the day she was to have com
pany.
She certainly did want them to sc,
the cut glass bowl. But Philip hat
no such sentiment and was abou
to grab the bowl when Annie threw
something at it and broke it.
Philip looked at 1t for a minut,
and then rushed out for a warrant
| Annie's company was disappointed
The sideboard was bare.
Just as the company was leavini
cop called and took charge o.
Annie. She cried all the way t,
the station house.
Judge Pugh didn't believe In sucl
little spiteful tricks and fined An
ME so, which she didn't have.