The Washington times., 1917-07-12
Don Marquis
Column g.

And light a cigar.
What heroic indifference to PAIN !
exclaimed.
Thinking the man must be a stole.
What he can do. thought,
can do;
But I well-nigh ruined one Of my eyes
And did not get light
Just then the car lurched,
And the mans eye fell out and rolled
down the steps
As he tried to recover his balance;
1t bounced merrily along the street,
And saw that 1t was glass.
I proposed marriage to my landlady
The other day;
owe her so much will never be able
To pay 1t, and thought
Marriage the simplest and most hon
orable way out.
No, she said, with a sigh,
will not marry you
used to do that, Mr.. Finch, for
married boarder after boarder
Hoping that after marriage 1 could
put them to work,
Or at least rife their pockets
Now and then, and ultimately collect
enough
To square what they owed me .
But II was no use;
As soon as I married a boarder he
would quit work entirely.
have ceased to be romantic
About boarders, Mr.. Finch
You may think have become sordid,
But, alas! one is obliged to look out
for ones material
Interests as one grows older &.
And then, there are the children to
No, Mr.. Finch, must have the money;
will never marry another boarder.
Ferdie Blink is one Of the saddest
men I ever saw
Was IL Woman, Ferdie, l asked him,
that saddened you so?
II is always Woman, said Ferdie e.
And he told me
Once, said Ferdie, before 1 became q
vers libre poet,
was one of the press agents for a
circus.
I fell in love with two beautiful young
women:
They were twins;
They were twins Of the sort called
Siamese,
And they were in our sideshow g.
Eta and Meta were their names,
And there was no fake about
They really were connected, and had
been born so, by a ligament OF
some sort
They were the most beautiful women
have ever seen
Eta and Meta, 1 would say TO them,
marry your Ferdie!
He loves you,
which one Of US are you proposing TOT
they would ask.
look upon you as one woman, 1
would answer.
You must choose between US, they
would reply.
What God hath Joined together let
no man put asunder, I would
remind them
Both loved me, and the right-hand
twin, Eta, was Jealous OF Meta,
the Ieft-hand twin
Il was tragic the way they would sit
and quarrel over me
Imagine being tied tight to q person
you hate and not being willing
TO speak to him for weeks at
time
We can't both marry you, said
II wouldn't be moral, said Meta
Unless we became Mormons, said
And having been brought up very
strictly in the Methodist
Church, said Meta, no Mormon
istic goings-on shall ever dis
grace this family
You must choose between US, said
Meta
I look upon you as one women, 1 said.
and no knife shall cut my love
in two
But finally consented to an opera
ton in the hospital
/ had TO make a choice. and would
leave It to chance
The day that they were operated on
! went into the fields and plucked a
dozen daisies,
And as / approached the hospital
picked the petals from the plants.
Saying Eta, Netta; Eta, Meta; Eta,
Meta
In this poetic manner was to choose
Between them.
Alas, l should have known better
Than TO have allowed any fussing to
be done with a Freak. -.
They aren't like other people. &.
Anything you do to a Freak changes
his entire
Disposition.
The operation had been a success.
But as / went up the steps Of the hos
pital
Smiling and pluckiag the petals fro
D, my daisies,
Eta ana Meta had both ceased to
love me.
The right-hsnd twin was wedding
the young
Surgeon who had performed the op-
Grafton,
And the left-hand twin was making
arrangements to elope
With an inferno.
And that, Fothergil, is why 1 am so
A school OF sharks is on its way TO
these shores, says a sea captain
They will find little to teach our food
SPECTATORS.
II Holland is really starving, she
might eat her food instead OF sending
II into Germany.
A contributor wants to know why
we stopped the serial publication of