Middletown transcript., 1917-10-20
Little Problems
@cMarriedLife
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WILLIAM GEORGE JORDAN
DANGER OF GROWING APART
MENTALLY.
(Copyright)

lively to adjus. their steps so that
ing distance of each other. If one
gradually quickens his pace until he is
yards ahead of the other and, in his
self-absorptiOn, increasingly widens
the distance between them, they cease
to be two walking together and be-
come two walking alone. Marriage is
a lifelong walk together of two who
have selected each other from all the
world. 1t is community of thought,
ideals, aims, needs and sentiments that
tends to keep them in step. 1t does
not mean sacrifice of individuality,
nor does it demand unanimity of opln-
ion, but there should ever be progress
sive harmony on essentials and pro-
gressive sympathy on nonessentials.
Some men feel pleasant glow OF
satisfaction in fulfilled duty when they
divide generously with their wives
their material prosperity. If money
were the only thing in life, or even
the greatest thing, their view would
be correct, but the really greatest
things in the world are those that
money cannot buy. When man finds
himself growing broader mentally and
does not share his new self with his
wife, he is taking an intellectual ele-
vator and letting her trudge alone up
the stairway as best she can. When
he grows into larger and finer social
world and does not make her a part
of it he is travelling in the parlor-car
and keeping her in the day coach.
When the larger Interpretation OF life
and its problems strengthens his spir-
itual and ethical vision, while his wife
continues in the narrow horizon of I'M
illuminated household cares, he is
monOpOlizing the telescope, which
brings things near and larger, leaving
her the microscope which only in
creases the Importance Of her trifies.
Growing apart mentally must, under
these conditions, become inevitable. 1t
may be that he alone is to blame; 1T
may be her fault or it may be the blind
thoughtleSSness of both. His repeated
attempts to talk over with her his
ideals, his dreams of ambition, his
plans, purposes a2d progress, to stimu-
late her interest, to share with her his
intellectual uplift may be met with no
real comprehension, no sympathy, no
inspiring response. When comradeshlp
in marriage dies, it really makes very
little difference what the postmOrtem
verdict as to the decease may be.
When the husband is out in the
with the social world, he may broaden
mentally as he prospers materially.
He travels over the country, and in
wider acquaintance with men and con-
ditions has many of the rough edges
of provincialism worn smooth. He
meets men Of attainment and action
men of power and prestige, aRd under
q more stimulating environmS devel-
OBS latent strength of his own. He
brushes up against keen minds that
put a new edge on his thinking; he is
in closer touch with current thought
and opinion; he has acquired polish.
The keynote of his living, so far as
society is concerned, is higher. His
tastes become more discriminating,
his demands more eXacting. If he has
not been sharing these things with the
wife of his youth, he finds she has
been standing still while he has been
progressing.
She who faithfully struggled with
him and for, him, helped him to get
the foothold of his present success,
and became absorbed in working, plan
ming and saving, may now be mere
drudge. He has new standard OF
life now, and she falls sadly short of
il. He measures things more super
ficialIy, and though her heart may be
unchanged, her head is not up to date.
He NAV be ashamed to introduce her
into the new society of which he has
become a part; she is plain, unattrac-
tive. overretiring or OverlOquacious.
She is aggressive in her dress and dis
play; she is not familiar with the rules
of the social game-with the tech
niuue'' of his new set.
The old equality between them has
been destroyed-killed through ne
elect. 1t is not the work of moment,
but the slow, widening process of years
of growing apart. But the realization
Of it all may come in q moment. There
may be suddenly an Illuminating flash
Of consciousness, when he involun-
tarily faces it, in comparing her with
other women.
Some little mannerism Of hers that
once was sweet, just because 1T was
hers, jars on his sensibilities and
strikes a discordant note. Once he
did not care whether she thought 1t
was Homer or Carlyle who wrote
"Silas Mariner" or whether she had
heard of either author or book. Per-
haps at that time he did not know the
book himself. The red tape Of So
cietys cards, passwords and methods
may have become second nature to
him. and he is unjust in his condemna-
tion of an ignorance which would not
have existed had he been sharing with
her his expanding life. He may no
tice with grating sense Of diSmay
that she does not put the soft pedal
on her laughter to conform to the
proper ripping notes of mirth pre-
scribed by the social code. She, too
may have her saddening moments OF
realization and refuse to enter a
world where she feels her inferiOrity
or not realizing, may, to his chagrin
insist on her rights. Usually she bold
ly takes the plunge into the social
waters, confident that she will, some
how, get back to shore.
She may live, in his presence, in an
atmosphere of patronizing tolerance
fearing at every word that she may