Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1917-12-12
PARLOR CAR COMEDY.

PARLOR CAR COMEDY.
why didn't this train stop at
Joliet?"
Il haven't any idea, unless it is
because the conductor short-changed
me when l paid my fare, not having
had time to buy a ticket at Chicago .
Crooked train, eh?'
NO, crooked conductor"
Did you call his attention to it?''
Sure, but he said | was wrong
Perhaps you were"
Perhaps. but ii makes good con-
versation, doesn't it,"
Sure. But I never knew a. train
to pass up Joliet before
perhaps the engineer got scared
when he saw the big stone buildings =
DO they have that effect on
people,
On some, / understand
Ever been there
Yes, once"
For what?'
For dinner The warden was a
friend of mine F. L. E.
THERE are also many people who
have decided to begin their Christmas
chopping early,
If YOU have been in a toy store in
the last hours before Christmas you
will understand why there is a uni
yersal appeal in behalf of earlier
shopping,
ABOUT the warmest Christmas
greeting that one can send friend
this year is q bushel Of coal.
KEEPING cheerful around your
home is essential to that happiness
that should surround every freside
but it's not easy to keep up as You
observe the pace at which the Goa
supply is disappearing from the BIT
; in your basement" comments L. O. NJ
MRS. Carrie Chapman Gait, in ad
| dressing the newly enfranchised WON
| en- of New York, said: We shall no
aim TO influence a single womans
vote, How about the married
womens?
! IT'S about time we were throw
ing down the gauntlet to Vienna,
postcards Ignatz. Austria has beer
| Hungaring for war with the United
States for months. / appreciate tina
1 this is pretty rough. but, / have beef
| experiencing such difficulty in pick
/ ing up ammunition for your column
! that l thought | would take a chanc,
on it getting through Beside, I'll
nearing Christmas and | did not wan
/ to be overlooked when YOU spread
your usual allotment of fancy cigar
among those who have been helping
you TO hold your job during tn
/ year"
! AND, again. you ought to know tina
d. Finny is an officer of the Brooklyn
| Aquarium society
MRS. Behrend is lecturing in tn
east on why God Does Not Stop TIL
! War She ought to know that tn
reason is that the kaiser-take
from the kaiser-won't let him unit
the hellishness OF the Hun triumphs
i THE promoter of an army an
navy bazaar in New York took in $50
goo in receipts and gave sT54 of tn
amount for the purchase Of comfor
kits for the soldiers in France. O
course the fraud was exposed. bu
the master brain that conceived an
executed it will have enough left afte
he has fought his way to freedom (
live in comfort until an oecasie
arises whereby he can stage anothe
of his protiteering stunts. Whic
goes to show that there are easie
and safer methods OF getting the NOR
ey than through use of lead pine.
i A MISSOURI congressman recon
, mends straight jacket for the kaise
We protest. If anything, let it be
crooked Jacket.
THE father of Count Boni de Caste
lane was fatally injured when knocke
down by wagon in Paris the ethe
day. Kind OF old-fashioned like.
: he had been hit by an auto he woul
have had more modern finish.
:. A ST Louis jury has acquitted Ge
trude Hoffman of charge of wearin
costumes in a theatre that were s
scant as to overstep the bounds
, decency. Likely some of the juror
recalled "The Black Crook
! ]. Ii. c.