Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1917-12-06

straInsy
AN eastern newspaper is authority +
for the assertion that the egg supply I
has been aided by prohibition. Have /
the hens been on foot and sobered |
up and got down to business again? /
AN Everett, Wash, citizen, who has !
been visiting Gotham, says there Is |
more life on the main street OF his I
town on Saturday night than there
is in New York City all week. Ignatz /
says that the Everett gentleman must |
have heen sick in bed during his New
York sojourn CT retired at night be- |
fore the old village woke up.
WHAT is humor?" inquiries H. L. |
81 saw a woman laugh so heartily
on a street car last night when
young girl dropped her knitting bag
and tooth brush and a pair OF stock
ings fell from it onto the floor that |
feared she would go into Mysteries be
fore she recovered control OF herself.
For the life OF me | couldn't see where
there was anything to laugh about.
Rather / was sorry for the girl be-
cause the size of the hosiery was en-
barrassingly large. Do you suppose
that is what drew the demonstration
from the woman whom / mention
Very likely. Humor in most instances
is a question of mood. You may wax
en- tomorrow morning and because
your window is up few feet and there
was marked fall in the temperature
during the night you will lie abed and
( laugh yourself into sweat thinking
( how lucky you are that you are be-
/ tween the blankets instead OF In
European trench. Your nelghbof
might Jump out of bed and tear into
! his wife and others of his household
/ for failing to have observed that his
window was up higher than 1t should
have been and not having lowered It
/ or seen to it that he had done so TO
+. the angle where he is accustomed TO
having it at this season Of the year
You might throw UP your hands and
veil If you saw woman slip on the
sidewalk and shoot her limbs heaven
ward and alight with a tsud that
might shake her teeth, while your
more serious acquaintance would hur-
Wv to her aid and evince real sotlcl-
tude for her, ask her ii she is hurt
and suggest that he summon taxicab
to send her to her home. He might
even ask her if he might not call q
physician to examine her to ind If she
has any broken bones. The truth is
that you are humorous to the extreme
of brutality, although you would re-
fuse to believe that you are Some
people attend q vaudeville show
primed to enjoy themselves. They
will buy a package of gum and they
will shout and applaud at every SEN
tence that is intended to be funny.
no matter how ancient the ma
terial. You regard them as silly
They are not. On the contrary, they
are fortunate. On the other hand you
fall into seat, set your jaws and
DEFY the performers to bring q smile
|, 10 your face. lou are to be pitied
The laughs are in your system, but
YOU are afraid that folks would think
you hoosier If you cut them loose
at those spots in the program where
everybody is supposed to light NJ
and he merry We know a man who
= smiles every time he sees woman
with wry expression on her face
His argument is that woman has
no excuse for appearing serious. That
: is, he maintains. the majority OF them
o. haven't, because they are provided &
Z home and comforts by their husbands
+ You may be one of those individual d
who would let a whOop out of yor
ri il you saw some poor mortal miss z
p car after running seven blocks be
hind ii. Another would feel sorry for
him if he missed it, but if he caught
it would applaud him. We know {
3 citizen who used to think it a greal
. joke when he heard people complain
ing OF an aching tooth. Recently hi
was in bed three days with an ulcer
: ated molar. Now when he hear
= teeth woes he almost cries in sym
!, pathy with the sufferer. While hu
!, man nature is supposed to be tht
, same the world over ii isn't Il maj
, be in some things, but not i'll its mo
- tion OF humor.
SOME paragraphers' idea Of max
ing the kaiser angry is having sataI
write him letters. which of course ar,
{ the imaginings OF the writer's brains
Il We don't believe that even the dew
s would longer tolerate correspondence,
q with Wilhelm. Satan is a prett1
y tough customer, but We never ye
. have heard of his burning babies. Th'
u worst he has ever been accused Of il
, in hurting the carcasses of bad egg
U into his big furnace.
THE driver of an auto filled witt
: Davenport ioyriders attempted to TAX
g 2 short cut home from Rock Islam,
d Tuesday night--or Wednesday morn
L ing-by hitting the river at the foo
II Of Eighteenth street. 1t so happened
however, that the ear was too heav,
to hold the surface of the stream
W There are ever SO many persons VIII,
IT protested against the government
II building its bridge at a point so ia
o to the north. Perhaps the joyridinl
y. machine carried some of those pro
testants, And we know of no las
against their tackling the short rout
l. again. Though we would urge tina
r they have life preseryers at hand j
le they do.
II
a ANOTHER word on humor. L,
,e reports hearing this conversation o
If a Rock Island train enroute to Chi
cage:
Did you read about that well mys
=. terry over in Iowa?'
II Yes, it was a strange case"
Il Indeed. it was"
= How do you suppose the woma
came TO be there -