The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1917-09-01
A Kansas Tragedy.

! started from Missouri.
To ride to Nfcodemus.
To Nicodemus, Kansas,
In the western part of Kansas,
Not far from Happy Kansas,
In Graham County, Kansas
Across the State of Kansas l started in
A jolly little flivver with a rhythm rather
jerky
1rregularly rhythmical, when rhythmical at
had to get to Nicodemus
BY noon on Saturday to pay the mortgage
On farm near Nicodemus,
Graham County. Kansas,
Belonging to a sweetheart who would 9TH
erWiSe be rOOned
Financially and so could not afford to
AS | entered into Kansas
And crossed Miami County.
At the town of Osawstomie
| received a telegraphic message
From my love at Nicodemns
Hasten with the money" said the tele-
graphic message.
Hasten with the money you are bringing
from my Uncle.
From my Uncle Jethro, in Missouri
For the man that holds the mortgage,
fiendish mortgage:
Has said he will foreclose it
And take away the homestead at noon on
or else I'll have to marry him,
To keep him from foreclosing.
Marry Banker Jasper Grinder to keep him
would hate to marry Grinder,
But, on the other hand,
would hate to lose the whole alfalfa
Hasten W With the money.
From my Uncle Jethro,
Hasten to your true love, Miss Elvira
Simpkins.
At Nicodemus. Kansas"
Three hundred miles away
Was Nicodemus, Kansas,
Nicodemus, Graham County,
Not so far from Happy. Kansas
Could | do it in a flivver
~ zen iiouIs -
of speed,
That carried me to Quenemo.
To Quenemo. in Usage County. Kansas,
At the rate of forty miles an hour
At a garage in Quenemo
paused for gasolene,
At Quenemo, in Usage County. Kan
But the man that ran the place
With shrill bucolic smoker
Said: There amt no gasolene.
The gasolene in Kansas
Has all been took and contrabanded,
Leastways, communicated,
Just one hour ago,
BY order of the Governor,
The Governor of Kansas,
On account of military operations
No gasOlehe in Kansas,
And three hundred miles away my love,
My love, Elvira Simpkins.
Was waiting for the money had got from
Uncle Jethro
To save the home at Nicodemus
From the clutch of Jasper Grinder!
Il will telegraph the money - shouted
With flash of inspiration
There amt no telegraph nor nothing
Runs into Nicodemus,
To Nicodemus, Kansas.
AS fur as can see in this here book"
And l looked at the wire from Elvira again
And saw it had been sent from Happy,
Kansas.
And all the time the precious
Minutes fluttered by .
Banker Jasper Grinder, in Nicodemus, Kan
SaS,
Minute after minute,
Was approaching nearer to the hour of
his desire
/ could him chuckle,
The dry and throaty chuckle that village
bankers chuckle
In the semi-arid regions
Another. inspiration came to me and 1
cried:
Il will run my flivver
To Nicodemus, Kansas,
On alcohol, by heck
l can make the engine in my little flivver
Run to Nieodemus. Kansas,
But the crowd that gathered round me
LATED and laffed and laffed
They amt alcohol in Kansas"
Said the crowd, between its chortles-
Kansas is dry State.
It's prohibition Kansas.
And you'll never get TO Nicodemus.
Graham County, Kansas"
Just then the village topper
A gentle creature and decayed
Thrust into my hand gallon
OF Suffers Stomach Bitters.
He handed me four big quarts
OF Suffers Stomach Bitters,
And | poured EN- in the tank and left the
| town of Quenemo, with the engine
And the flivver going strong
And / reached the town of Skiddy,
The town of Skiddy, Kansas, in Morris
County. Kansas,
And 1 drew up by the drug store and |
yelled
For suffers Stomach Bitters
y must reach Elvira simpkins, in Nico
demus. Kansas
! Ere the clock strikes IL
Give me Bitters. give me Bitters.
Fill the. tank with Bitters, for I race to
But the druggist said: There's been a
/ Considerable collie in this watermelon
How about Stewroona?'
on gallon of stewroona L ran from
Skiddy, Kansas.
| As far as Elmo. Kansas,
And there ! laid in nineteen quarts
OF nrohibition appetizer called ed x,a,os
/ Westward, ever westward,
To my love Elvira Simpkins
At Nicodemus, Kansas
i | ran on Doctor Bunkus, thru the dryest
belt of Kansas.
| Thru the prohibition centre,
Dear Old Doctor Bunkus urged my little
/ flivver
From Elmo: to Palacky,
! Six quarts Of Lily Gingham's Discovery
| And a dozen more Of Bunkus
! Took me nearer. nearer. nearer,
/ To my love. Elvira Stmpkins
From Palacky west to Pfeifer,
Thru the town of Fingal.
Then northward to Ogallah
! ran on Siwash Injun Soorah,
/ A Remedy for Liver Trouble,
! Take a wineglass full before each meal.
Nearer. nearer, to my love at Nico-
From Ogallah north to Happy.
North to Happy, Kansas in Graham Coun-
ty, Kansas.
North and west to Happy, word of glor-
And the Villagers came down to sniff the
glad aroma
I OF the flying flivver
As | turned north to Nicodemus
At thirteen minutes until noon.
Filled once more with Suffers Stomach
Bitters
Elvira Simpkins
Alas. Alas, Alas,
Elvira did not clasp me in her sturdy
arms