The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1917-06-27
Don Marquis
Column
Archy's Adventures.

you going 10 give up LOT the uuIatiOn
Of the
war ( can't give up food
told her the boss has quit feeding me
almost entirely what are you going to
give
mp mehitabel said she was going to
give up rafting the nerve OF 1t boss it
has been six months since that lazy
feline has
connected with q rodent had quite an
adventure the other evening dropped
into
pitcher OF ale In an up town place
for q swim and a niEhtcap and the
fellow that
fished me out was an inventor 1 have
here he said
taking out an old-fGshioned snuff box
explosive so high that one grain of
It would blow up berlin
gentle with it said his Wis a Wis never
fear
said the inventor It Is trained 1t only
bites when
I sick Il onto something It has to be
against another chemical to detonste
here is the other chemical he fished
out a little bit OF
each on the end OF a quill tooth pick
there Is
enough there he said to
blow the curse out OF potsdGm his Wis
q Wis
turned pale gulped and began to
choke I have
partly swallowed my teeth he said in
q cultural tone they are half
way down but don't bother TO slap
me on the
back you might hit me with the
wrong hand as he spoke
he coughed and the wind of the
cough blew the high explosive of the
end
Of the inventors tooth pick it
fell onto my damp back as gently As
a snow flake and
on account OF the dampness It stuck
there
don't know whether he ever recovered
his teeth or
not for I ran away from there in a
panic sQuirming as ran and
expecting the explosion any instant
the two powerful
chemicals lay side by side on my
back q touch would
mix them and they would detonate
and this city
would be but a memory but
after
had run for q while 1 began to get
cAlmer for ( realized that 4 could not
run away from what was on my
back a strange sense Of exhIlaration
succeeded my
fear I felt that was the most
destructive thing in the universe
Ia Ia I cried to the crowds as 1 walk
ed boldly
down the street many q time have 1
lodged your feet but
Gtep on me now II you dare and
walked boldly past the hat boy and
into q gilded
resort, the hat check boy stamped
At me and ( never lodged as well now
a. any
time { said and laughed to think the
fate Of three hundred and seventy-nve
thousand people was on
eockroachs back the foot descended
and as fate
would hsSe IT the instep Of the hat
check boy
arched over me his heel or his
toe would have crushed me and he
would have
received the biggest tip on record hs
hal
said you that have scorned the
humble cockroach are now in his
power and
walked across the dancing floor too
proud to
dodge a foot but luck was with this
once again one young man was
about to
step on me when his fair partner
cried no do
not kill him Il may be archy that
word Of humanity saved the town It
aroused my better nature 1 abandon
ed my
idea Of getting stepped on and
went and dried my back at an cleo
trio fan which
would allow the powerful chemicals
TO slip off when
shrugged my shoulders then careful
ly balancing
myself SO my shoulders would not
BhruE too
soon 1 trRversed the town once
more with my terrible burden and
finally deposited # in
q german bar room where 1 have
every
reason to believe that treason is be-
=, ing plotted
took # into the center of a swiss
cheese
and carefully shrugged It off my
back
Investigations lead me TO believe
that there
90 q plot TO smuEgle that cheese into
germany through holland for
the kaissrs own table 1 hope the
crown
prince is present when wilhelm bites
It Rrchy
We must confess an eager thirst
for useful information.
We gorge until we almost burst
with news about the nation.
We learn the price Of liverwurst has
passed all computation.
Lord Northcliffe's here for quite a
stay.
George V. is we'll and GuelphIsh.
Another Grandma old and gray ia