The Washington herald., 1917-01-05
The Passing of the Free Hand-out.

We'll. boss l see where tn poor III
free lunch has got tn gate at last"
Yes, Lon. an tn edict amt only gonna
prove turrible tough on a mess o. tn old
Warriors but about a third of tn popu-
lation will have to hike around for a while
with their arms rung in slings t keep
from bein' pinched for displa yin some O.
their kleptomania tendencies.
20 course. tn outstandin' sufferers from
this new rulin' of tn Excise Board is
gonna be that merry old brigade O hook
throwcrs' who've been pussy-footin
around for tn past forty years snitchin' a
'weinerwurst here an a pigsknuckle
there. then toppin' 'em off with a wee
plate O. shadow an what's gonna be-
come of them busy old Gobblers is way
beyond me.
There's no use denyin' 1t, they're sure
tightenin' down tn screws on tn wet
workers for fair. an II they keeps on set
tin up barriers, an addin' new handica ps
10 prevent EN- from guzzlin', 'taint gonna
be very long before a guy'n have { be
a regular worldbeater to go over tn
jumps.
II amt got a bit O. doubt in my mind
that tn next move will be to have a
flutterer' go register. an plank down
collateral If he takes 1t into his head
piece to flirt with 'rickey.'
my ldu, We saw Tn time wnSn a
mornin' glory could get a classy three
course layout with a nickers worth O.
'suds,' but that day has went. Now va
gotta stand there like a bloater an
watch yaself swell, as you MUNICH on a
handful o. 'oysterettes' an them Ill salt
coated pretzels. Pretzels! Why, some o.
them toothless old corporals can't cope
with a pretzel! A full grown pretzel
would laugh in their faces!
Personally, I thinks they're carryin
tn reform too far. for IL tn town is really
gonna be relieved of all of its moisture
as so many claim, thereby putin us on
an equality with them truly virtuous
commonwealth Of Kansas an Maine
then l say give tn ancient and honorable
sloe-gin battalion a show for their Ill
white marble, an let 'em have a few
dishes along with their 'washin's' till
tn big drought comes for good
But tn most amazin' part t me about
this steam-roller crusade agin tn poor
III eats is tn audacity OF tn powers
what-be in disregardin all neutrality con-
cernin' tn issue.
You don't need no field glasses t. see
that tn whole excise bunch is pro-ally at
heart, cause nothin' else could explain
their turrible shabby treatment OF them
harmless lii German delicatessens like
sauerkraut. schwartermorgen, head
cheese, an limburger an their almost
scandalous partiality for regular cheese
an crackers an tn liz green olives.
90 course. them who know their
Maryland are aware of tn fact that 'Cy'
Cummin's is Italian, hence tn remainin
OF tn tasty Irish plums, an as Carter
Brides brother owns a half interest in
a huge cracker factory I reckon that's
got somethin' Z do with keepin' tn pref
zels on tn team. which. by a simple proc
ess o deduction, proves almost conclu-
sively that Mr.. Baker must be Suisess
cause there amt no two ways about it ;
someone in tn pack is backin' tn cheese.
However. oyerlookin all discrimina-
ton, l don't fancy tn rulin', as it's
bound t. mark hard feelin'. In tn old
days. If a weasel was gettin' tn worst
of tn argument. he could slide down to
tn feed-counter an bury his head in tn
cole slaw till he got hack his bea rims,
but TIL way it's run now he can't do
nothin' but go home.
Far be it from me t claim that reg
ular dinner oughta be served with every
Hicky- -Hoola, but | do think il a guys
only got two-bits in his scenery he
should get a liz 'bird-food' with a Ger
tain amount o. wet stuff, for. believe
new-fangled ideas tn folks will get huffy,
an won't go near saloon. They're run
min it t. death! Now go fill up TIL
pitcher DOPEN DAN.
Note-Lon says did va ever notice that
tn old rabbit" who's continually
screechin' about what he done when he
was a boy always looks around first to
see if there's anybody in tn crowd his
own age?