The Hays free press. [volume] (Hays, Kan.) 1908-1924, 1917-10-20

TALKING HOME MATTERS OUT.
SIDE.
CCopynghtj

ASAAS q ASl- VI 1AS
tress from the ship Of matrimony:
They give monologues on the slightest
provOcatiOn, and often on the very
slightest acquaintance, on the ever
new subject of their home troubles.
They seem to be a private press assO-
citation for Syndicating news of dOmes-
tic cares, worries and miSeries. They
keep their memories of home discOrd
all labeled, classified and dated, and
seem to take a collectors delight in
parading them. 1t is a false adYer-
Using instinct that publishes the weak
ness Of the matrimonial firm.
If the sky of the home is overcast
and the sun of love is temporarily
darkened by doubt or misunderstood
ing, it is not wise to bring in the neigh
bOrs to witness the eclipse. If there
is a little sand in the sugar OF home
happiness. it really seems better to
concentrate on the sweetness that re-
mains than to carry around samples
of the grit in envelopes of conversa-
tiOnal confidence.
In the business world, when q firm
has to pass through a period of sun
less days and stress and storm; when
they are long on hope and short on
prosperity; when the partners entbu-
siastically agree with each others pol
icy; when the present looks grim and
the future grimmer, they guard their
condolences carefully; they fear their
troubles may be known outside; they
realize that they are facing a problem
that must be solved from within, not
exploited from without. They feel an
esprit de corps that makes it seem
diSlOyalty 70 talk matters over outside
the breaStwOrks. And in married life
love, loyalty, dignity, basic mutual
respect should make this guarding of
the sanctity of the home even greater.
Talking home matters outside is adver
Using the insolvency of harmony. 1t
weakens the credit and reputation of
the home firm, and often causes unjust
ratings in the Bradstreet OF society.
A temporary trouble, that may be
merely a weeks cloud in the home it
self, may be recorded as Damaging
tornado" if given intensity of life by
being idly talked of outside the family
walls. Gossip is Il natural weed in
the garden of conversation; it grows
so freely and spontaneously that we
need never plant with our own hands
the seed of needless criticism, COM
ment and condemnation of ourselves
and of those who should be nearest
and dearest to US.
There are times in the home when
some grievance, real or fancied, swellS
our feeling to dangerous high-tide
Of emotion; pique or pride may add
new pang TO suffering, and, carried
along by the torrent, we feel we must
tell it to some one. 1t hardly matters
what ears hear the story, so that we
may have our hearts filed with the
cOnsOling music of sweet sympathy. 1t
may be a natural hunger, but it is
none the less dangerous. Its very ma
ture may make it unjust.
In the intensity of feeling we con-
centrate in our complaint on the eli
max, the word, phrase or act that
seems the essence of our hurt But
we rarely tell the true story truly; we
unknOwingly suppress part, slur over
in innocent HghtnesS our part of it
an incendiary word that added new
fire, an unkind silence, perhaps, that
made US equally guilty. This is the
element that makes the telling unjust
and intensifies its disloyalty; we eager
ly drink in the sympathy, feel a mo-
ment's balm of righteousness in hear
ing the other condemned; and it
usually intensifies and exaggerates our
sense of hurt.
But when our wiser judgment re-
turns and night dawns into day, and
the bright sunlight pOurs in through
the windows, we see things in q more
normal perspective. Our high-strung
emotions of the night before seem IN
| justified, foolish, with the garish dis
order and confusion of a banquet table
still standing the morning after We
would give so much to buy back our
confidence of the night before, and
would pay n good premium just to be
able to lock our secret again in the
silence of the unspOken. But that is
| one thing that all our most earnest
prayers and sincere repentance cannot
| bring to pass. What we have told, we
have told, and it has gone from our
keeping.
This is the cyclonic confession, I'M
derstandable, and even fOrgivable, per-
haps as a clOudburst; but there is a
luSdn uIILLtO VI d constant
fog of petty charges, that is one of
the worst phases of talking home mat
tiers outside. When a husband adopts
the martyr pose and talks freely of all
the things he has to put up with at
home, interpOsing sample home con-
versations and incidents, one longs to
take him into q corner, remove this
Dead March in SauI'' cylinder from
the photograph of his conversation
and put in a Home Sweet Home"
one. When a wife feels that every
one must be interested in her story of
her difficulties In divorcing her hus-
band from a little money for house
hold expenses, and continuously en-
cores herself with similar narratives
in her repertoire, one cannot but feel,
somehow, a good deal of sympathy
with the husband.
If the horsepower energy that mar
rfed people thus put into syndicating
their trials, sorrows and troubles were
concentrated on trying to lessen the
cause; on seeking, through love, to
discover a way out: through mutual
esteem to reach a truer basis OF under
standing and harmony, they would &C
complish wonders and would realize