The Washington herald., 1917-12-01

A JaiIhouse Tkanksgtying.
Once there was a man named Bill
Brass. He had plenty of it.
And 1t happened that Thanksgiv-
ing eve he found himself without
the wherewith to buy either turkey
or chicken for the feast on the NOR
row.
He tried to borrow. AS usual ey-
erybody was broke. Anybody who
went to market Wednesday evening
was broke when they got home.
Bill strolled into q grocery store.
He looked around at the chickens
and turkeys hanging up by their
feet. The sight made hfs mouth
water. --
Seeing that the boss was very
busy ringing the bell on the cash
register, Bill watched his chance.
He had his eye on bird Of the ben
kind.
A minute later the chicken was
in his hands and he was walking
calmly out. The boss wasn't as
nearsighted as Bill thought he was.
= Before he got twenty feet the boss
had him. A cop anne UP and
put Bill in the jug. He spent
Thanksgiving in the lookup
II he had only known IL he would
have never touched that chicken.
1t cost him $40 and then he didn't
even get it.
It Was Such n Pleasant Dream
John Burton had just finished
eating hearty turkey dinner. He
lay down on the couch to take
nap.
Every minute his wife would call
to him to fix the fire for the aft
ernoon. And each time he said he
would.
But John was too sleepy to go do
it. Soon he was in a deep sleep.
such as only a man with a full stom-
ach sleeps.
He felt a tug at his shoulder.
Wifey was still after him. She had
finished washing the dishes and
looked at the parlor fire only to
find that it had gone out.
John got up in a rage. How dare
anyone to disturb him? He swore.
Wifey asked him not to do that as
1t got on her nerves.
Then she ordered him to stop. He
kept on. Wifey was taken on her
feet with a sofa pillow adroitly
shown. 1t was followed by another
Then John got up and blacked one
of her eyes. Fifteen minutes before
he was complimenting her on the
dinner. Such a change.
Wifey got a warrant for John.
Her heart softened in the meantime
and she didn't want to prosecute
The court released him on bonds to
keep the peace.
Booze Talk.
A dozen or more men and women
were attending a party down on c
street There was quite little noise
going on.
As a cop walked by the window
Josie Tracey shouted TO Ella Jackson
to put on the soft pedal because a
cop was near.
To HI with the cops" said Ella,
"who am scared OBJ a cop? All kin
lick de whole p'lice department. All
kim"
The cop heard. He said nothing.
The noiSe went on. Every ten min
utes or so the cop would come back
that way.
Several times Ella was cautioned
about loud talking and sarcastic re-
marks about the cop. She wouldn't
listen at all.
When she left for home the cop
was standing on the corner. A friend
advised her to so the other way. oh.
no: she would not.
As she passed the cop she ripped
out an oath that actually made him
blush. He nabbed her so quick she
lost her balance. Her friends ran.
In court Ella was very meek. She
was sorry for her alcoholic denunci-
ations and threats. The court fined
her SO.
Jealous Chester.
Chester Hawkins and Lottie Bear
were getting up from their seats in
man cane down the aisle and bumped
into them.
Lottie knew the man and spoke to
him before he could apologize. This
made Chester a little sore. His der
by hat had been knocked on and now
some other guy was talking to his
girl.
He, pulled Lottie away by the arm
and led her out Of the theater.. When
he got her to the sidewalk he read
the riot act to her.
She stood it for a while very meek
ly. Chester decided to let her go
home by herself. AS he started to
get on a car he saw the other fellow
come out and talk to Lottie.
-,
fuss with Howard Breese. the other
fellow. 1t happened that Howard was
a man of few words. Chester hit at
him and missed.
Then they clinched. Someone got a
cop. Both fighters were locked up
And each had to shell out S for fight
ing on the street.
Between the Devil and the Deep Sea.
Thursday morning Alice Monro sent
Isaac Barnes, one of her roomers,
around to the grocery store with a
$ note to see if he could get some
sugar,
Isaac went to the store. stayed half
an hour and came back. He had
neither the sugar or the money, Alice
said. when he returned.
When she demanded her money
Isaac made some bum excuse about
giving 1t to her in a minute. And
Alice patiently waited. She is still
waiting.
Someone whispered in her ear. She
went to the police station. "a cop
came around. He questioned Hsaac.
The result was that Isaac was locked
up.
At first he wouldn't talk. But when
he saw a jail sentence looking him
in the face he opened up and told all
about 1t.
He met his urife he said and she