davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1917-03-23
SOUR, ACID SToMAcHs,
GASES OR INDIGESTION
Each "Pape's Diapepsln" Digests 5000
grains food, ending all stomach
misery In five minutes.

Time It! In fl minutes all stom-
ach distress win go. No Indigestion,
heartburn, sourness or belching of
gas, acid, or eructations of undigested
food, no dizziness, bloating, foul
breath or headache.
Pape's Diapepsin Is noted for its
speed in regulating upset stomachs.
1t is the surest, quickest stomach rem
edy in the whole world and besides 1t
is harmless. Put an end to stomach
trouble forever by getting a large
fifty-cent case of Pare's Diapepsin
from any drug store. You realize in
five minutes how needless it is to suf-
fer from indigestion, dyspepsia or any
stomach, disorder. It's the quickest,
surest and most harmless stomach
doctor In the world.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1917-03-23
THICK; GLOSSY HAIR
FREE FROM DANDRUFF
Glrlsl Try I'll Hair gets #, fluffy
and beautful-Get IS cent
bottle of Danderine.

If you care for heavy hair that glis.
tens with beauty and is radiant with
life; has an incompatible softness and
is fluffy and lustrous, try Danderine.
Just one application doubles the
beauty I your hair, besides imme-
diately dissolves every particle of
dandruff. You can not have nice
heavy, healthy hair If YOU have dan
druff. This destructive scurf robs the
hair Of its lustre, its strength and its
very life, and If not overcome 1t pro-
duces a feverishness and 1t hing Of
the scalp; the hair roots famish, loos.
en- and die; then the hair falls out
fast. Surely get 25-cent bottle Of
Knowlton's Danderine from my drug
store and just try 1t.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1917-03-23
Prohibition Attitude In the Senate.

One reason for the remarkable prog
ress that prohibition isrmaking can be
found in the attitude Of men who
themselves take a tolerant attitude
toward the use of liquor, but have
been impressed by the wreck which
is wrought by alcohol all around them.
Typical Of this is statement made
by Senator Smith of Georgia when
announcing that he was going to vote
in favor Of prohibition for Washing
ton:
with me opposition to the use of
spirituous and intoxicating drink has
been a gradual growth. When leave
myself free to think about 1t and rea-
lie the skeletons found In almost ev-
cry home as o result Of Its use, have
reached the place where / am willing
never to have it on my table any
more, although enjoy glass Of wine
myself; and / am willing in my state
and hope in my state this next sum-
mer to help make it absolutely dry"
From Golfers Weekly for February
3rd.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1917-03-23
LISTEN TO THIS!
SAYS C0RNS LIFT
RIGHT OUT NOW


You corn-pestered men and women
need suffer no longer. Wear the shoes
that nearly killed you before, says
this Cincinnati authority, because a
few drops of freezone applied directly
on tender, aching corn or callus,
stops soreness at once and soon the
corn or hardened callus loosens so 1t
can be lifted out, root and all, with
out pain,
A small bottle of freezone costs
very little at any drug store, but will
positively take off every hard or soft
corn or callus. This should be tried,
as 1t is inexpensive. and is said not
to irritate the surrounding skin.
If your druggist hasn't any freezone
tell him to get small bottle for you
from his Wholesale drug house. 1t is
fine stuff and acts like charm every
time,
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1917-03-23

This, remarks the Pittsburgh Post
is how Brooklynite has spent the 36
years of his life:
We are 36 years Of age, and this is
how we have spent our time:
One year buttoning our collar.
Two years tying our necktie.
Seven years waiting In barber
shops. ..-
Four years looking at punk musical
comedies.
Six months sleeping.
Nine years lodging bill collectors.
Two years waiting for trains.
Three years waiting for our wife to
get dressed.
Two years chewing tough beefsteak.
Four years looking for jobs.
Six months working.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1917-03-23
She Had Hard of nne.

Whoever saw a perfect man?"
asked an evangelist at revival meet
ing. There is no such thing. Every
man has his faults, plenty Of them"
OF course, no one had ever seen a
perfect man, and consequently the
statement Of the reyivalist was re-
ceived with silence. The revivalist
continued:
Whoever saw a perfect woman?'
At this juncture a tall, thin woman
arose.
DO you mean to say, madam" the
evangelist asked, "that you have seen
perfect woman?"
well, I can't just say that l have
seen her." the woman replied, "but /
have heard great deal about her
my husbands first wife."-Pittsburgh
Chronicle Telegraph.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1917-03-23
APPLE TREES FOR FIREWooD
Cut Down All Undesirable Specimens
to Keep Family Warm-Save Ma
terial for Handles.

1t Is a fact that there are thousands
of apple trees in this country that
would make first-rate firewood, but
as fruit bearers they are miserable fall
ures.
Cut down all such. If any have ma
terial for handles for tools, of course
save the timber.
Use the rest to keep your family
warm these blustery days.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1917-03-23
PLAN FOR BURNING STUMPs
Two Holes Are Bored Into Wood So
That They Will lnterseot-Live
Goals Start Fire.

For burning the big stumps Of fir
and similar timber in the Pacific north
vest two holes are bored so that they
will intersect deep within the wood.
A 11s-inch auger is used In making the
holes. The bark Is skinned off be-
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1917-03-23
GIVE "SYRuP OF FIGS"
TO coNsTlPATED CHILD
Delicious "Frult Laxative" can't harm
tender little Stomach, liver
and bowels.

Look at the tongue. mother! II
coated, y little ones stomach, liver
and bowels need cleansing at once.
When peevish, cross, listless, doesn't
sleep, eat or act naturally, or is fever
ish. stomach sour, breath bad; has
sore throat, diarrhoea, full Of cold,
give teaspoonful of California
Syrup of Figs" and in few hours
oil the foul, constipated waste, undi-
gested food and sour bile gently moves
out of Its little bowels without grip
ing, and you have a well, playful child
again, Ask your druggist for q 90
cent bottle of California Syrup Of
Figs" which contains full directions
for babies, children of all ages and for
grOwn-ups.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1917-03-23
WE WRECK AUTOMOBILES

For their good parts. Parts at half price. We
can duplicate most any part. We have wrecked
over 100 different makes Of cars Of recent date. If
in need of any write to Auto Wrecking Co.. SO
North Broadway. Portland. Oregon.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1917-03-23
KEEP FARM EQUIPMENT BUSY
Prosperity Begins When Farmer Real.
Ices He Is Business Man--Fac-
tory Conditions Prevail.

The aim Of factory is to keep the
equipment busy as many hours In the
week and as many weeks In the year
as possible. The same needs to be
done on the farm.
Prosperity begins when the farmer
realizes that he is business man and
that his farm is factory.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1917-03-23
Skinner.

okTT-GT.
No doubt Jenkins married Lobelia
Genoff for love. At any rate beauty
can't have had anything to do with it..
Her face would have ripened a cheese
or stopped train.
One day, soon after his marriage,
Jenkins met q pal and timidly asked
him what he thought OF Lobelia.
Help! Don't ask mel" gasped the
pal.
Beauty is only skin deep, your
honor!" demonstrated Jenkins, stiffly,
Skin 'er, then, dear chap!" advised
the pal. For heavens sake, skin
'er!"-Exchange.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1917-03-23
Tho Injured One.

ut would SEEM" said the tourist,
that you Arkansas people would be
quicker to resent the slurs and sneer-
ing jokes about yourselves that are
constantly being published in the
papers?"
"Well," replied Mr.. Gap Johnson Of
Rumpus Ridge, Ark, i've noticed
that when you fling rock into pack
Of dogs the one that hollers Is the
one that got hit kansas City Star.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1917-03-23
VARIETIES OF LITTLE CORN
Flint and Flour Unpopular on Account
Of Many Small Ears and Difficulty
Of Harvesting.

Flint and flour varieties of corn fire.
quently produce heavier yields than
dent varieties under droughty condi-
tions.
They are unpopular, however, on ac-
count Of the many small ears and the
difficulty of husking. When harvested
BY animals this difficulty is overcome.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1917-03-23
ThaIes of MiIetus.

The first scientific thinker was
Thales of Miletus, born about 636 b.
G. He was the first to attempt logi-
cal solution of material phenomena
without resorting to NEUROLOGICAL rep
resentation. In other words, Thales
was the first man, SO far as we know,
to try to find out the actual truth con-
corning the world we live in, its orr
gin, constitution and destiny.-Ex-
change. ..1.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1917-03-23
IS Death ON Feathers.

Mother, has Fido gone to heaven?"
asked little Mamie, who had been told
that q little sister was there.
Dogs don't go to heaven" said
mother, "but little sister is there and
she is an angel, you know, with
wings"
Mamie thought moment and said:
Maybe 1t is just as well, for Fido
was death on feathers, you know
Exchange, '
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1917-03-23

r. Galleries. an advertising medium
your newspaper isn't worth shucks. l
put an ad in last week and didn't get a
single answer, not one.
Advertising Manager-That's too
bad! How was your advertisement
worded?
Caller-"A poor young man wants a
pretty wife who can do her own house
keeping. boston Transcript.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1917-03-23

Eddie, who had always attended a
Baptist Sunday school, was taken on
a visit to Sunday school at a Metho-
dist church. Mamma, how is this?"
he said. Il thought you said this was
a Mefodist Sunday school"
so 1t is, my dear"
"Well, but, mamma, the lesson was
all about John the Baptist
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1917-03-23
Did that itching keep
you awake last night?

And how can you expect to sleep
tonight unless you do something to re.
lieve the trouble? Eczema and other
itching skin troubles don't often heal
themselves. But it is surprising how
quickly Resinol Ointment heals sick
skins.
Almost daily we hear from skin
sufferer who says "Resinol Ointment
stopped my itching at once and got
the first good nights sleep had had
in weeks. Now my skin is WE'LL" Res
inol Ointment is sold by all druggists.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1917-03-23
Generosity.

What do you think Of our friend,
the efficiency expert?"
Hes a wonder. He's something
like fortune teller once knew. He
could make a colossal fortune on his
own account IL he were not so gener-
GUS about selling precious informa-
ton at nominal fees" Washington
Star.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1917-03-23
Trying to obIiqe.

whats your name, my poor man2'
asked the kind-hearted woman.
Lady" replied Flooding Pete, un-
blushingly, me name is Lord Regi-
nald Courtenay Thorpe.''
"Are you sure that's your name?"
mo. | jes' thought 1t 'ud be nice
name fur you to use If you wanted to
put de fact dat you had given me a
sandwich an cup O. tea In de soci-
ETY. Observation-Disclosures Star.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1917-03-23
Now Sister STAYS Homo.

The alleged young woman was out
rowing with a possible suitor, and
had taken her little sister, who was
exhibiting much fear Of the waves.
why, Martha, II you are so nerv-
GUS now, what will you be at my
age?"
"Thirty-nine, suppose" meekly
replied the little ster.--Exchange.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1917-03-23
Hypnotlsm.

"Do you believe in hypnotism?"
inquired Miss Cayenne.
What do you mean by hypnotism?'
"The power Of one human being to
throw another into slumber and then
play upon his imagination"
"Ill go as far as the slumber part.
Some people can make me sleepy
merely by talking to me. Washing.
ton Star.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1917-03-23
The cornerstone laying had been a

brilliant success. The weather was
fine, the speeches eloquent, the music
impressive. The master Of ceremon-
les was very well satisfied with him
self, yet with the dispersal of the
crowd he became strangely excited.
Hurriedly he sought the master ma
son.
"Is it possible to lift the corner
stone again?" he asked.
~ am afraid not, SIR" said the ma
son. "Have you a particular reason
for asking?" ~
II have" said the master Of cere-
onies. 'I've left my hat in the recep-
tacle along with the records"
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1917-03-23
Logic.

"You said your wonderful death
dealing inventions would make war
impossible"
"Well," answered the great inven-
tor ruefully, "if everybody on earth
is eventually killed off, there can't
be any more war, can there%
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1917-03-23
For Burning Stumps.

tween the two holes. Red-hot Goals are
pushed down the holes to the intersec-
tion and the fire is started well within
the stump. After the part marked "A"
Is burned out the fire is kept up by
means of litter, bark and chunks.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1917-03-23
Value Decreased,

"a fine dog you have there, Jones"
'I'll sell him to you for S."
"All right. Is he Intelligent"
Intelligent? Why that dog knows
as much as l do"
"0h, I'll give you 81 for him. ."-Bos-
ton Transcript.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1917-03-23
Fathers Wish.

Mrs. Quiverfull-There's one good
thing about our girls, John; they are
always self-possessed
Quiverfull (grimly)-Yes; they're
too self-possessed. l wish they'd get
someone else to possess them.-Bos
ton Transcript,
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1917-03-23
His Opinion,

"Do you believe the lion and the
lamb will ever lie down together?
ut may happen, but If were the
lamb, | should be mighty timid about
objecting If the lion happens to snore.'
-Exchs nge.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1917-03-23
Not So Wrong.

A Russian applicant for naturaliza-
tion papers was asked, What is the
constitution of the United States?"
Rugged and healthy" he answered.
OF course there is a laugh, but still
he said Observation-Disclosures Her
aid
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1917-03-23

a druggists or delivered. Book nj free.
ABSORBING, JR., for mankind-m
antiseptic liniment for bruises, cuts, wounds,
strains, p1hful, swollen veins or glands. II
heals and soothes. s1.00 bottle at Drug
gists or postpaid. VIII tell you more II you
write. Made in the U. S. A. BY
W s. YOUNG, pDF.. 4o3 Temple st. Springfield, Hass.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1917-03-23
The Trouble.

why are you moving from your
suburban homer"
I'm run down."
"Malaria?"
mo; gossiping neighbors. Boston
Transcript.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1917-03-23
Antlcipates Them.

My husband is very devoted; he
anticipates my every wish" 1 81
so does my husband mine; when
ever he thinks am going to ask him
for something he lights out."-Boston
Transcript.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1917-03-23
Its WAY.

"The thermometer has very hui
man way of behaving"
"How is that?"
when it once begins to take
drop it falls by degrees. ."-Baltimor
American.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1917-03-23

Irate Client-I never saw case SO
wretchedly bungled. You acted the
fool, sir.
Imperturbable Lawyer-That's all
right. I was acting for you, wasn't
I?-Boston Transcript.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1917-03-23

"This is great character in Dick
ens-the Artful Dodger. l love the
story"
"An automobile story, eh?'-Kan-
sas City Journal.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1917-03-23
Guess What.

Edith-My brother says that your
new beau is in the stock market. Is
he bull or a bear?
Betty-Well, don't just know; but
he has some of the bears proclivities.
Exchange. ;s,
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1917-03-23

81 don't think it pays to fight other
peoples battles"
That's. right; unless you happen to
be lawyer. r."-Boston Transcript.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1917-03-23
Exactly.

G. f., 16-I can tell how much water
runs over Niagara Falls to quart
Queen-Well, how much?
G. e., 1.-two pints.-Texas Long
horn.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1917-03-23

Madge-She and her fiance are
quarreling all the time.
Marjorie-Yes, isn't 1t dreadful!
Why don't they wait until they're
married life.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1917-03-23
A Chrlstmas Preaent.

A Christmas Present.
1t wasn't much as things befell
And didn't cost much pelf,
But still it pleased him pretty well,
The gift he gave himself.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1917-03-23

To keep clean and healthy take DIR.
Pierce's Pleasant Pellets. They regu-
late liver, bowels and stomach.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1917-03-23
Give Him Time.

"They say his wife has money"
well, that isn't his fault They've
only been married a short time"
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1917-03-23
Silent Partner Wanted.

Shell do not care to marry you.
do not care even to talk to you.
He "a widower)-That is precisely
the reason ! want you to marry me-
Boston Transcript.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1917-03-23
FRED P. CORN. Patent Attorney.

Organizer and Developer. Patents secured or Fee
Refunded. FREE. Toy X-Ray Plate: shows every
bone in your body right through your clothing.
Suites 701, 76lA. 70lB. 70lC Central bldg, Seattle
STUDY bookkeeping. shorthand. telegraphy.
salesmanship, English branches, at an accredited
school; WRITE or phone Main 500 for catalogue
graduates guaranteed positions. Behnke-Walker
Business College, 167 4th Street. near Morrison.
Portland. Oregon.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1917-03-23
Naturally.

"This year is going to be lucky be-
cause 1t is not an even number"
That's d."-Baltimor American.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1917-03-23
ZT;{|SiilI;||II5

Reduces Bursal Engagements,
Thickened. Swollen Tissues,
Curb5, Filled Tendons, Sore
ness from Bruises or Strains;
stops SPAWN Lameness, allays pam.
Does not blister, remove the hair OF
lay up the horse. $500 a bottle
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1917-03-23

For disordered liver, take Garfield
Tea, the Herb laxative. All druggists.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1917-03-23

Take care of your health and wealth
will take care of you. Garfield Tea
promotes health.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1917-03-23
WEEDS ARE INJURIOUS

Weeds are injurious to man In
the following ways:
/. They crowd out the grow
ing crop.
2. They consume the moisture
necessary for a crop.
8. They consume the mineral
or other food elements essential
} to crop.
4. They pull down the crop.
8. The seeds are difficult to re-
move.
8. They harbor insects.
z. They harbor parasitic fungi.
8. They prevent the proper cul-
tivation of the soil.
9. They may cause conditions
which breed disease.
10. They may poison the soil.
IL. They stop drains.
IL. They poison animals and
J man.
The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1917-03-23
Cav life In BrookIvn.

Coated tongue, vertigo and constipa-
ton are relieved by Garfield Tea.
Evening journal., 1917-04-17
mrs. TRUE WORTHY White
TALKS ON LITERATURE

The current events class of the
New Century Club held an interesting
meeting this morning. Mrs. True
Worthy White, chairman of the Ii
brary extension and literary depart
ment Of the General Federation of
Women's Clubs, who is visiting Mrs.
A. d. Warner, gave 4 delightful talk
on THE Relation of Literature to
Modern Problems" An interesting re-
view of THE Contrast" by Royal Ty-
Ter, which was the first American
comedy to be produced by profess
sional players and the second play to
be written by an American after the
Revolution, was given by Mrs. G. H.
B. English. Miss Margaret Matthews
gave current events and Mrs. Norman
S. Huxley, pianiste. contributed the
music for the morning.
Announcement was made of a meet
ing to be held tomorrow afternoon at
4 o'clock under the direction of the
educational committee. Professor
McCue, of Delaware College Expert
mental Station, will lecture on Gar
dens and the High Cost of Living"