The Bridgeport evening farmer. [volume] (Bridgeport, Conn.) 1866-1917, 1917-05-09
How Infant Survives
Puzzles Married Man

The married man dropped on a park
bench beside his bachelor friend, gasp
ing for breath and wiping the cold
Precipitation from his forehead. He
had just sprinted so yards to rescue a
baby from the attack of a big, vicious
mongrel which had attempted to
snatch a cracker from him. Before he
had reached the scene the baby had
cracked the dog on the nose with a
spoon and sent it bowling out of the
park.
II could never figure out how babies
ever live to grow up he confessed,
lighting cigarette with hands that
still shook. 1.-The heroine of The
Dangers of Daphne and those other
blood-curdling thIillers do not have
more adventures to a reel than a
baby has in a day. And yet can't
remember ever having seen a really
damaged baby.
They can chew everything from
glassware to sofa cushions with every
sign Of satisfaction and contentment
Only rarely do they have to be
thumped on the back or shaken upside
down. Apparently they have the di-
gestion of a, stone crusher or a con-
crete mixer. They seem to get more
nutriment out of a bedroom slipper or
a newspaper than a regular human
being could derive from a New Eng
land boiled dinner.
'They can crawl around among a
roomful of people without ever get
ting stepped ON and can pull a cats
tail with impunity. I have seen a
baby climb out Of a high chair or crib
and fall more than it's own height
without apparent Inconvenience It
doesn't matter whether it lands ON
head, back or side. A drop of the
same sort would probably lay up an
athlete for a couple Of weeks at the
least,
Another thing about babies I can't
understand is that they are appar-
emily Spartans or else impervious to
pain. I have never yet seen baby
cry after any mishap unless somebody
| was looking at it.
"They can run full tilt into a chair
and regard it as a huge joke. I have
seen a baby who was tumbled over by
the front wheel of an automobile get
up chuclNling and demanding more. A
pair of twins I knew were fond OF
sitting together on the floor to bans
each other amicably with building
blocks.
| of course If somebody picks up a
baby after it has banged itself and
sympathizes with it and rubs the hur,
part it begins to realize something is
wrong and yeIls, usually on the chance
of getting a graham cracker or othe,
delicacy.
Il am not denying that they cry a
good deal, but I am convinced thai
they do it only on the theory that il
pays to advertise A baby will or,
industriously for long periods fol-
what it wants, but rarely waste,
many tears because it has hurt itself.
Some babies older and more ex
perienced in the ways Of the world
than others, will sneak a hasty lool
around the room after they have fal
len down and bumped themselves
sum up their chances of getting eithe,
a bite to eat or a reprovine spank
and then either emit .heartrendins
cries or crawl into seclusion under :
table.
AS they grow older they get NOR,
and more into the habit of making i
known when they are hurt. Whe1
they reach the age of IA or so the,
are nearly as much in need of sym
pathy as grown men who a1mos
without exception roam around tn
world hunting for somebody TO tel
their hard-luck story to and yer,
frequently yell long before they ar
hurt