Omaha daily bee., 1917-01-31

Fables
= The Wife Acquires Tenderness
BY DOROTHY DIX.

and his Wife who lived together in
great Peace and Happiness,
The Wife was one of those Delight
full Danes who considered Cookery
a Fine Art instead of Drudgery. She
could make Sauce Hollandaise that
did Not taste like Bill Stocker's Paste,
her Roasts were Dreams. and her En-
trees Things to Eat on your Knees.
Every day she set before her hus-
band a Dinner that made life Worth
Living, and as she was also Fond OF
the Eats she had the CHEEKY Outlook
on the World, and the Amiable Dis
position OF those who are Well Nour-
ished and have no Crouch against
their Stomachs.
All of this made Matrimony a glad
sweet song for the Husband, and he
Never Noticed that as the Years went
by his Wife lost her Girlish Figure,
All that he thought of was how much
Better Home Cooking was than the
Messes you get in Swell Restaurants,
and what Nice Thing it was to have
a Jolly Wife to go home to at Night
when your days Work was over, and
you couldn't have Pulled him away
from his own Fireside with Team OF
Oxen. ..
So all went we'll with this Fortu-
ate Couple until by chance one day
the Wife met a Friend she had not
seen for long Time
How Well you are looking" ex-
claimed the Friend, who was Female
Cat; you must have put on. about
Forty Pounds since saw you last"
DO you think So" cried the Wife
aghast.
There is nothing that makes a
woman look so Old as Fat continued
the Friend, land while | do Not Wish
to Implant any Suspicion in your
Mind, feel that it my Sacred Duty
to warn you that the Only Way a
Wife can Retain her Husbands Al
fections is by Keeping Svelte and
Willowy. Figure"
a Trust my Husband" answered
the Wife feebly.
They all do" continued the Friend.
"but you will observe that all Afhni-
ties are built on the Architectural
Lines of Snake and that when a
Married Man Elopes he always does
it with Somebody Who does not
Weigh more than half as much as his
Wife, does. Heed my Warning, and
you may Save yourself much Misery.
Farewell" ~
Now the Wife was Deeply Enam-
ored Of her Husband and so, as the
best Feminine Dopesters had figured
it out that the Measure of Hus-
bands Love was in Direct Ratio to
lis Wife's Belt Measure. she hied her
self forth to the Places where they
Practice the Torture known as Re
ducing. {.
They Boiled her and they Beat her
until she was black and blue. They
Rolled her and they Pounded her, and
they put Her on Diet OF Three
Prunes and Glass Of Water, and by
sticking to this Regime, it was not
long before the Wife got Thin and
Haggard Look, and a Disposition like
Basket of Lemons.
Not being able to Eat anything
good herself, she lost interest in her
Housekeeping. Her Dinners, instead
OF being Gastronomic Poems, became
Culinary Outrages, and she Favored
them up by handing out a Line OF
Talk that Hammered the Universe,
and made the Husband afraid OF his
Life.
what is the matter with you"
asked the Husband, when he could
Endure il no longer.
~ am Hungry" walled the Wife.
Then Eat" said the Husband.
Il dare not" replied the Wife, BE
cause | am trying to Reduce IN order
to Retain your Affection"
SO tor cried the Husband. Il am
not one Of those men who have a
Morbid Interest in Living Skeletons.
Personally, ! prefer Wife, who
shows that am Good Provider,
and apprehend that most Men are
in the same Boat.
Take II from me that after man
is Married he is more Interested in
the Way his Wife Treats him than
he is in her Looks, and that the
Right Way to Reduce so as to Re
tain a Husbands Love is for woman
to Cut Down on her Nagging, and
her Temper, and heI Nerves" :
. Thereupon the Wife fell to and Ate
everything that Fattened. and they
Lived Happily Ever After.
Moral. This fable teaches that it is
better for a woman to be Fat and
Jolly than Slender and Fractions, and
that the Perfect Thirty-Sixes are not
always the Best Loved Wives
Broiled Oysters.
Put selected oysters in a strainer
and pour over cold water, allowing
two-thirds of cup to quart OF
oysters. Carefully pick over the
oysters, taking each one separately