The Washington herald., 1917-09-22
Heliup! HelIup!

heiiups heIlups
Chung Wah is a washee man. He
never yet ran a loan Office. So he
says. He has a one-lung laundry.
So has his brothers cousins nephew.
He was singing a little song he learn
ed out in Chinatown, San Francisco.
when In tumbled Walter Hamilton.
Walter didn't patronize Chung, SO
what business had he in the laun-
dry? He didn't even know he was
in there. He wanted to borrow a
quarter to soak his head in booze.
Chung told him that the only thing
that got soaked In his place was dirty
clothes.
He asked the Honorable Walter to
get out, 'dammee quick" Chung
didn't know that he should not have
argued with a drunken man and SO
he insisted. Finally Walter went out.
AS the door was closed on him, he
put his fist through the glass and
a piece of the glass cut Chung's
hand. Chung hollered "bloodly MUIR
lurder" and hailed a cop. AL the
time Chung was cussing in Chinese.
1t sounded like it. anyhow. No one
can swear just what he said. Judge
Pugh frowned on such stunts and
fined Walter $50.
Jim Is In.
It was o'clock in the morning. All
the respectable people were under the
blankets. Only policemen and buns
were out. Here comes one. He was
staggering along the street. leaning
up against fences, butting into lamp
posts and fussing with himself. All
the time he was scheming how to
get into the house without waking up
wifey. 1t was on c street southwest.
Wicked place. The bum is still COM
Ing. or rather trying to come along.
He went up to a house which he
thought he lived in. All tho time a
cop was watching him, thinking he
was a burglar. He wasn't. Tiptoe-
ing up to the wrong house. tried the
door, ratified the knob and woke up
a baby. 1t squealed. A man poked
his head out of the window, saw
the cop and summoned him. The cop
came up and grabbed Jim Wilkes,
who was frightened almost to death.
Jim swore. He lived about thirty
blocks away. He didn't know what
he was doing in that neighborhood.
Rather than take chances, the cop
took him along with him. In court
Jim was still under the weather and
went down for thirty days, and he
hasn't been home yet.
Woman to Woman.
She came home at midnight. As
she stepped on the front porch she
tripped over a lot of trash and al
most broke the top end of her spinal
column. She went to bed with a
crouch on and got up with a bigger
one. Six a. m. the next morning
Josie Murray had some words with
Sadie Phelps about an occurrence of
the previous night. Josie knew that
Sadie had some friends at a party
and they threw the rubbish on her
porch, being too lazy to 20 out I'm
the dark to the trash barrel.
Sadie considered herself insulted by
being called down in such a manner
and she wouldn't listen to Josie. Josie.
indignant, went after her and pulled
her hair. smacked her and threw
her down. During all this Sadie was
kicking, biting and scratching. They
both raced to the courthouse and Josie
got there first as she weighed about
100 pounds less. Sadie actually mur-
Ncith hti' JoSle lOlu lfle court Saglt
was fined so and il looks amount to
anything, Josie has something COM
ing to her one of these fall days.
The Rocky Road to Love.
Constance is a very impatient lit
tie girl. She has been keeping COM
pany with Albert Brady. Albert drove
Ford delivery and once in a while
he would ride her around. OF course
that was when the boss wasn't look
ing. Last Monday Constance re-
ceived a shock that nearly broke her
heart. Albert had been false. He
actually looked at another woman
He also held her hand and rrinned
at her. Constance saw It all. went
home. threw herself across the bed,
kicked up her heels and cried.
Her mother petted her some and
when she felt well again she hunted
up Albert. He hadn't even been
around for two whole days. His ex-
cuse was that he had been working
nights. Constance wouldn't believe
him. Just like a woman. She argued
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