South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1917-01-14


on Jan. .. How was it possible for
so many to get by Christmas with
any money?
Earth has no sorrow that the leg
| islative clinic at Indianapolis can
not heal-according TO the reform
ers.
The new year is now in its 14th
day Watch your toe-hold. good
resolutioner The devil is beginning
to stir again.
/ A correspondent wants 10 know
why widows get all the sympathy
when as G rule wives need sympathy
more than widows do Listen! We
are commanded by the Bible TO
sympathize with widows. More
over. it is much safer TO sympathize
with widows than with wives. one
/ is not half as apt to get shot.
AS unusual large number of babies
were born in Mishawaka the past
week The grandeur Of becoming a
father is a fitting stepping stone TO
the sublimity of grandfatherhood.
4 A Pennsylvania woman has mar
ried a man TO save his soul. Plenty
of buckwheat cakes and country
/ sausage. sister and you will soon
have his soul where you can shield
and preserve it.
Those delinquent taxpayers whose
names We're published Friday should
pay up and have a little lighter load
on their conscience as we'll as in
( their pockets.
Disgrace will ultimately overtake
/ every statesman who tricks the COM
mon people. 1t is said that mem
bers of the Indiana legislature who
have been wearing hickory" shirts
! for years are now known 10 sleep on
/ feather beds. Such furtive indul-
gence in outrageous luxury can not
( be easily forgiven.
Ohio is about TO undertake a food
inquiry. About the only inquiry that
/ interests most of us is. When will
! the price OF eggs come down?
The new year came on schedule
time as new years always do, and
many men were ready TO make
wear-offs that we're new. There
were some splendid drinking men
who made a resolute. that never,
never nevermOre would they go on
a foot: they would not look upon
! the wine when il was sparkling red
/ they would not wake up mornings
with a swollen aching head. they
made an oath before the world and
all their kith and kin that never
more they'd hold their nose above a
galss Of gin; they would not guZZle
I whisky straight or drink Misha-
! waka's brews, they would not sop
\ up any kind or any form Of booze,
{ they would not turn aside 10 get a
snort of sniftereen. they would not,
nevermore o. nights. tote home an
{ added bean. The new year still is
very young. two weeks are scarcely
done. and from the aqua cart those
guys drop one by one, and they go
/ through the swinging doors and
swiftly they cavort TO the man with
/ the apron and they order up snort.
They order up a red-hot snort that
will scorch going down, something
1 20 make their eyes pop out and cook
I their liver brown, and something
/ that will SINCE their lights and cook
their gizzard red. and make them
wish on the morn's morn that they
were dead. And we are not sur
prised at them, we knew what they
would do, we knew before a week
was gone they would pour in a few.
/ The guy who waits a certain gait TO
/ quit a habit. he. before a week is out.
will be back there imbibing slee.
So when you have a habit which
gives you an aching brow the only
wav 10 quit the thing is just 10 quit
/ il now. The way to keep a swear-Off
iW hen you've made the bloomin' thing
I is to swear-off on all the things you
do not like, by ling.
The Duluth man who hanged
! himself because he had no money
must have been a true son of rest.
/ Too lazy 10 work. too honest TO
steal and too proud TO beg.
Chicago is going to try reducing
! expenses in order to dispose of a
! $4,000, 600 deficit How old-fash-
/ toned! Why not double appropria-
/ tions and increase the taxes.
/. Missouri bank robbers got only
N $19O. leaving a roll of $4,000 I'M
touched about six inches from their
fingers And there was nobody TO
show them.
A landslide struck a train in Ar
kansas and completely buried the
engine. That locomotive can now
! understand what happened 10 the
republican party.
They are tellin' us again that mis-
/ tletoe is a fungus and a nuisance.
and we suppose it is when it is at
taChed TO a tree instead of 10 a