davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Monte Vista journal., 1917-01-06
AT Clearance Prices

We told you last week
about the clearance prices on
Womens, Misses and Child
rens Coats; Womens and Miss
es Suits, Skirts, Wool Dresses,
Trimmed Hats and Furs. We
are closing these out at Clear
ance prices.
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1917-05-20

on line with them. Now, it happens that
am a student of Brill, so the association OF
ideas is quite clear to me. First, as | say,
saw the barber shop. That made me remember
that had not shaved that morning, and that,
in turn, caused me to enter the barber shop for
shave The thing is really quite simple if
you know your Brill.
Well, got my shave and there was the Gus
tomary wave of excitement when | delivered
my ultmatum on the mixed drink question.
And then the barber bent over me deferentially
the whole thing comes back to me as write
the great mirror, the shelves, the rows of bot
ties, the barber bending over me) and said
How about a nice facial massage, SIR"
Now here, of course, was a fine chance to
say: 81 haven't heard. How about it," But
my mind was occupied with bigger idea. Co.
incidentally with the mans question the thing
mad simply popped into my head For the first
flashing instant | was somewhat taken aback
by the immensely of it; then | determined to
commit myself definitely while the first fine
frenzy of enthusiasm still had possession of me.
| Strengthened up in my chair. | looked the
nan squarely in the eye; my gaze was firm. |
could see the fellow quail before it, for the
light of great purpose was flaming in my
eyes. And then let loose my thunderbot. I
said:
Eyes. will take nice facial MASSAGE"
Students of mental suggestion are not I'M
likely to point out that the fellows inclusion of
the word nice had great deal to do with my
decision, but ] refuse to concede the point |
reasoned this way:
BARRIERS the world over are asking custom
ers to have facial massages-a asking them per-
functorily, of course, and with no idea that
they will ever sell one. The facial massage, it
is true, is one of the most utterly useless, sense
less and unavaing things in the entire world.
outranking even the Great African Ooch, which
has twenty-siX toes and no feet But, suppose,
on the other hand, that posterity chooses to
ievince a curiosity regarding the facial mas
sage: ought not there to be some standard work
on the subject in the libraries? In other words,
should not somebody in this generation consent
TO receive facial massage, that our children
ard grandchildren and great-grandchidre
may be enlightened? For il is of the strands
Of the spirit of sacrifice that the robe of civil
2ation is woven. Now, therefore, |. being of
sound body and sane mind, will be the person
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1917-05-20

~ ARBERS and barber shops have been
X pretty thoroughly and exhaustively lam
pooned ever since the first humorous
weekly was published, so you don't need me to
tell you that you won't find anything new in
this story. Just when the custom of spoofng
tonsorial artists originated don't know, but
I'll bet that the funny man on the 'Phlistine
Phooler" wrote scream of an article about
the amputation Of the locks Of Mr.. Samson
Alsc. providing the particular copy can be eX-
humed, I'll even lay little 10 to that the
article remarked humorously upon the loqua-
ciousness of the barber.
This popular lin the editorial mind) impress
sion of the extent of tonsorial conversational
ability is the foundation of most of the jests
/ find myself unable to subscribe TO il. | have
encountered the talkative barber upon occa
sions, Of course. but the occasions have been
rare. Most Of my BARRIERS have been silent
mer-taciturn, in fact. Don't argue with me:
/ have been trying for months to juggle silent
and tacitum in a way that would trap some
body into telling me that they are synonymes.)
But there is one point where | string along
with the funny men, much as it inks me. Never
have | inquired for mere uncover shave but
that have been urged to partake of haircut,
d shampoo, facial massage, a scalp massage,
a singe-in fact, all the frills that flesh is heir
to. (M'm So Bob Benchley thinks he gets off
a good one once in while, does heD ! can't
give a complete list of the things you can buy
in barber shop, because I've been shaving
myself for the last week. In that week dare
say all the progressive shops have added three
or four new treatments, together with neatly
framed wall signs urging you to try one while
being manicured.
Anyhow, | was saying, there must be
fine air Of prosperity about me, because l am
invariably invited to buy out the shop. Until
recently had always refused. ! used to make
the excuse that it was after banking hours and
! DIDN'T have much money with me, or that
had only six hours to get ready for dinner
party. or something. And not only that, but
mad invariably refused all outside stimulants
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1917-05-20
eve Can't March Without Mu.
sic" and They Won't

Some of Cleveand's most eminent doctors
threw up practices worth scores Of thousands
70 20 with their unit on majors pay OF three
thousand a year. DR.. George W. Grille its
director. will follow later, but his partner, Dr..
Lower. went along, as well as DR.. Hoover,
head of the medical staff of Lakeside Hospital
Out of the units hundred and fifty civilians,
seventy-six are college boys, some Of them
within month of their diplomas. Just before
the ship sailed news came that the organic.
ton was to be received with celebrations on
the other side.
1--WE can't march without music said the
director. and the civilian force was hastily
canvassed for musical talent. Ten minutes
before the gangplank was raised three snare
drums and a bundle of flies were hurried
aboard. and the first division Of the American
army in Europe expects to parade to the tune
of yankee Doodle" past Buckingham Palace
or down the Champs Elysees or wherever
grateful populace turns out to cheer them as
far-hung promise of troops to come.
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1917-05-20

keep me from telling anybody that am smooth
raced.
The vibrator was followed by another hot
towel, and began to be glad that didn't have
to pay laundry bills for that shop. Then came
the witch hazel. At first he sprinkled me play
fully with it. and then think the bottle broke.
At all events, suddenly felt couple of dol
lars worth Of the stuff being poured over me.
As soon as | had wallowed in it little while
Felt it being washed off, so am afraid it was
total loss. Then he looked over the assem-
bled bottles, shook his head sadly and began to
delve into private stock kept in little cup
beard. | thrilled with pride. Evidently was
vintage customer.
He brought out some 1857 lilac, and | tried
d little of it. Then he washed it off and gave
lie thorough rubbing with cocoa butter.
Then had another hot towel. began TO grow
curious. / had bestowed no more than a pass
ing glance on the fellow when | entered, but
evidently he had the mind of Napoleon. No
one of lesser mental magnitude could have re-
membered the successive steps as he had. True,
he might have made mistake for all that
knew, but it was rather unlikely, for he had
never even hesitated between deluges. am in
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1917-05-20
Bv GEORGE S. KAUFMAN

to accept one of these facial messages and will
report to posterity concerning them"
Thus fired, determined that there must be
no halfway measures. would not counte-
nance, far less request, the omission of single
one of the fluids and ointments that belonged
in decent, respectable facial massage. Other
men were enlisting for their country; this was
the limit.
1t was at about this moment, think, that
| was cowardly attacked from behind. 1t was
my first impression that the Germans had
come, and l started to struggle. Something
hot had been thrown over my head; found it
difficult to breathe. | lay still for second in
an effort to catch my breath, and then the truth
came to me. Evidently this part of what
/ had ordered. | shifted. Sure enough it was
hot towel.
Here would like to insert about four thou
sand words on the hot towel, its origin and
uses | am afraid that is out of the question,
however, so shall have to content myself with
saying that it is quite wet and that in all
modern shops it is brought up TO the required
temperature by the use of the oxyhydrogen
blowpipe, which is also used to melt diamonds.
There is tradition in barber shops that
towel is not hot until the barber has to juggle
IT in order to carry it with any degree of COM
fort. The purpose of the hot towel | should
have said, is to open the pores. Mine, | am
afraid, will now have TO be closed indefinitely
for repairs.
At all events, the thing had been on my face
about minute when / felt second hit me.
This, it seemed to me, going too far.
Towel No. ! had not been removed the second
had merely been pumped down on top of it.
Together they weighed about eleven pounds.
After few minutes | shifted uneasly but
nothing happened; the towels remained.
couple of minutes later / thought of an excel
lent joke, but knew at the time that would
forget it before had chance to jot it down.
wish | had it now.
Then | had an idea. Suppose that this was
all there was to the massage? Stranger things
have happened. Take the case of that man
who disappeared in Baltimore last week Even
not towels must cost money, and for 20 cents
hey couldn't-no; | was wrong. The towels
we're lifted | breathed again, feeling sure
that had broken Annette Kellermann's rec
ord.
Then the fellow slapped me. l was about to
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1917-05-20

in readiness for foreign duty, TO replace Brit
ish organizations in France, which will move
on to other positions. They are Americas re-
Spouse to the situation created by the torpe-
doing of hospital ships. Henceforth hospitals
must be taken to the wounded since sick and
helpless men are no longer exempt from fright
fulness.
Besides seventy nurses and twenty-five doc
tors. each unit includes an administrative per
sonnet of about $50 civilians. A base hos
pitfalls equipment provides for 500 beds, which
allows about three nurses and doctor to each
twenty wounded. These physicians and nurses
are only the first aid givers, the experts. who,
with their patients must be fed, Numbered,
transported, indexed and amused, and it taxes
all of the hundred and fifty willing workers
to see to it.
With every unit goes a quartermaster from
the regular army, in command of the admins
trative force All civilians are enlisted under
him as privates, at SIS month, and later APP
pointed TO special duties according to whether
they are cooks or laboratory experts. AT the
outset the college man with string of letters
after his name goes in on par with the husky
lrishman who can drive a mule, and of the
two the Irshman gets the warmer welcome
The first unit from New York to get its
mobilization orders was the one organized by
the Presbyterian Hospital. 1t has been in ex'
istence over a year and prides itself on its
equipment, bought and slowed away against
just such call. Last year orders came for
practice mobilization in Philadelphia, but the
hospital trustees demurred at giving its dec
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1917-05-20
TIEA1HM MMNMMMN4W
IN THE WAKE OF MR. SAMSON

get up and hit him back when he started to rub
me. and realized again that it was all part of
the game After few minutes of this he came
toward me with lot of cold cream on his
hands, and began to rub me anew. had some
idea of telling him that wanted dem-tasse
massage, without cream, but he was upon me
with the stuff before | could say anything.
When | was we'll creamed he whistled to the
boy to wheel up one of those electric vibrators.
Presently it began to vbrate, with the rubber
nozzle of the thing humping unevenly over my
cremated countenance. vivid recollection of
the ups and downs of that journey will forever
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1917-05-20

in life used to explain, when questioned that
simply didn't want any witch hazel, but it
was obvious that they always thought some
thing deeper lay behind it. So ] got into the
habit Of telling them that it gave me peritontis,
ard that satisfied them.
As with witch hazel so with lilac water, cold
cream, bay rum, Eddie Pinauds stuff, cyanide
Of potassium and the rest of them. My barber
shop record, up to week or so ago, would
nave elected me TO Congress from almost any
Western state. 1t wasn't that | objected to
he things; they merely seemed unnecessary.
That then was the status of things the
afternoon of Saturday, March 81, 1917. And
then came the Great Experiment
You may recall that it was bright sunshiny
day-not at all the kind of weather in which
you'd expect anything to happen. l had slept
until noon, as usual, and sauntered out quite
gayly. | was wearing a dark suit with
hairline stripe, a green tie and black derby,
which | had won on a bet. Little thinking
what was going to happen, started to walk
down the street. Then turned the corner and
began TO walk down the next street.
IL was then that | saw the barber shop. 1t
was in between two other buildings and right
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1917-05-20

clined to think, though. that he had little
schedule of events posted somewhere, because
the ensemble was too much for any barber u
carry in his head. With mind like that ne
could have been at least State Senator-from
one Of the smaller states, anyhow.
However, it appeared that all this had been
merely in the nature of preliminary oou''
the massage part of the massage was luS
about to begin. What had gone before, ID
other words Il assure you this has just @
Cured to me; haven't been leading up to W.
was merely preface. 1t was designed 70 ss'
my countenance into the proper state OF maj
Liability, so that the fellow could remouo
nearer to the hearts desire.
Now, / hope that ! am not narrow-mnoeo
about faces-least of all my own. know lu''
as well as the next fellow that few cnange
could be made in mine to advantage, but
would like to be my own architect. AT the
very least, would want to approve the plans
But my barber fell to in manner that ma
Gated clearly that he had made up his MIND r'gn'
at the beginning just what should be done
me. 1t is my theory that he had friend wno''
looks he rather fancied, and that ne was ny
ing to work me over so that ! would resemO"
him. My nose bothered him good deal ITO"
the start; it was a bunker he couldn't seem "
take He pushed it this way and that, out ns
simply couldn't get it where ne wan'eo "
Finally | pointed out to him that IT was las'
ened at one end, and that | didn't think o.
could move it with the tools he had on manu-
At that he gave me rather peculiar LOOK
| doubt if he understood me. Perhaps ne Wa
foreigner.
There was a lot more pushing back an'
forth, and | shut my eyes and imagined VIZ
in the subway in the rush hour. surrey
thought we had come to the grand Climax wv
IN n careless moment the fellow happened
glance toward the shelf and saw that there s'''
was some cold cream in the jar. So had 'nS'
| longed to say to him:
Come, now; don't you think that you"
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1917-05-20
Twenfy-Six Base Hospital Units
Have Been Organized

During the last two years the army has
foreseen the present emergency and prepared
for it. Under the direction Of Colonel Jeffer-
son r. Kean. medical director of the American
Red Cross, twenty-six base hospital units have
been organized in connection with medical cen
tres all over the country Beginning with the
Massachusetts General Hospital on the east
ern seaboard and extending to San Francisco
on the western, different hospitals have vol
unteered staff and equipment for war service.
Colonel Kean co0rdinated each hospitals doc
tors nurses, instruments and physical proper
ties into units. registered them under the Red
Cross and arranged for their immediate trans
fer into the Medical Reserve Corps at the out
break of war. This transfer has taken place,
and each unit has been notified to hold itself
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1917-05-20

tors and nurses leave Of absence, so the equip
ment was sent without them 1t took eighteen
freight cars to carry it. Out in Cleveland
directors of the Lakeside Hospital unit, OF
which DR.. George W. Grille is chief. jumped at
the chance to train its staff in practice WORK
and proceeded to Philadelphia to spend two
nights under canvas with the Presbyterian
equipment The personnel and the physical
properties dovetailed in manner eminentiy
satisfactory to the army officers in charge;
this in spite of minor changes in specihca-
tons forced by such awkward facts as the pole
in the centre Of the garage tent, which made 1t
jmpracticable for ambuances, or the necessity
OF building a hut for the steriizng plant to
protect il from drafts.
When the Presbyterian unit received Its
war orders last month trustees objections no
longer counted. The doctors were all officers
in the United States Medical Reserve Corps
and subject to duty. The nurses were regis
tered with the Red Gross, to be called when
needed The unit stayed only to recruit to
full strength, matter Of some detail, since
its civilian requirements are varied.
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1917-05-20
First. the Philippines; Second,
Mexico: Third, the French Front

you've everything here but band said
one applicant, looking over the list of places
still open to him. well" he went on, i
guess I'll sign up for the third time. I've been
with the sawbones in the Philippines and
again on the Mexican border; here are my
papers to prove it. | might as well go with
EN- once more. It's fine for the health, boys
better come in" he called to some students
who seemed to hesitate about enlsting.
Barring accidents, men who enlist with
unit will never know the forefront of battle
Base hospitals are planted miles behind the
armies generally in some deserted hotel or
empty opera house. They receive only chronic
cases and those of slow recovery and are fed
by the field hospitals, which in turn are fed
from the dressing or first aid stations. The
former require high degree of physical mt
ness in their workers, but at base men who
couldn't do trench or ambulance duty may
serve their turn as hospital orderlies. It's all
a question of grit and endurance. Physical
examinations are simple, directed to heart
and lungs. and so per cent of the applicants
get through.
In the rush to enroll with the Presbyterian
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1917-05-20
TIN HOSPITAL UNIT FOLLOWS THE FLA(
Indeed, 1t Might BE Nearer the Truth to Say lh0f
as Far as the Present Var Is Concerned the HoSbi-
tai Unit PrecedeS It, Men and Women OF the Wed'cM
Reserve Corps Being Already En- Route for France
Bv MARY DEWHURST

unit were men Of all callngs and every age
We've had everything here from picture
hangers to plumbers" said DR.. Sydney Bur
nap who enrolled the force. "We needed me-
chanics. pharmacists, electricians, carpenters
and cooks, and we got them all
When the hospital units were planned two
years ago provision made for fifty vol
volunteer nurses aids, to serve without pay,
but with subsistence and transportation fur
nished by the government.
All over the country women qualified for
this duty by taking Red Cross training in
Home Care Of the Sick" In the Presbyterian
unit some OF the doctors wives planned to
accompany ,heir husbands as nurses aids.
Mrs George f.. Brewer, wife of the units di-
rector. was enc who had worked hardest to
fit herself to go along. Recorders, indexers,
stenographers and typsts nearly mobbed the
units offices after the mobilization orders
appeared. seeking chance to serve in the first
force to go to France.
With all Of these it was another case of MIR.
Drifting looking for war work and looking in
vain. Orders had come from Washington that
no nurses aids were to be taken. If neces
places Instead of twenty female clerical
workers, as originally planned, the number
was cut to four, who must be women with
training in medical nomenclature.
These women clerical workers are an an
omaly unclassifed in army regulations. They
are a branch of service sure to develop with
the need and those who go over now are plo-
neers in much the same way as were the
women Clara Barton organized into Red Cross
nurses in the days of the Civil War. Keeping
the records of 500 patients is job in itself.
When the 800 change every few weeks the job
grows with the card indexes, to say nothing of
their diagnoses and histories. There are requl-
stions to be made out, letters to be answered
and anxious relatives to be communicated with.
As the units follow each other throughout the
year, more women will probably be taken to
release the doctors from routine clerical work,
Just as women will finally go as nurses aids
in order to release men for the front.
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1917-05-20

bitter disappointment spread among the re-
iected. No one knows what Mrs. Brewer said
when she found that even the doctor could not
secure an exception in her favor, but some of
the others were Outspoken.
"Why did you want to go?" one little typist
was asked. as she turned dejectedly away
after being told she had no chance.
Because want to do something quick for
nv country" she answered. "I'd have gone to
scrub floors. Do you know if they pay Ste
nographer anything? Yes, well, I'd have gone
for nothing"
The nurses feel the same way about It,
There's heart-burning and disappointment
among those left behind in the hospitals of the
city. One nurse Canadian, registered as
French army nurse as well as with the Amerl-
can Red Cross, insisted that she be allowed to
90. since she had served year in the small
hospitals of France and knew the game.
That's just why you must stay here" an
swered the head nurse to whom she applied.
"You have had your chance and now you'll
have to let some one else have try at 1t. IL
wouldn't be fair to give it twice to you"
The Canadian gave up with bad grace but
finally consoled herself with the thought that
these early units would soon be followed by
others, and that if the war lasts as long as
now seems probable those who went late would
be less near the breaking point when peace
came.
When mobilization orders went out of Wash
ington last month for seven hospital units to
proceed as soon as possible to France, the
first to get away was the one from Cleveland.
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1917-05-20

H ONG before the fighting men of the
United States reach the battlefields of
II Europe, the letters U. S. NJ. R. c. will
be knowl 10 wounded soldiers in many little
town in France. In base hospitals close be-
hind the armies will be found doctors, nurses
and orderlies froesh from America advance
guards Of the first expeditionary forces which
this country ever sent abroad.
Already one base hospital unit is on its way,
six others are to follow within few weeks,
and all through the summer, along with NUM-
tons and food, ships from America will carry
men and women of the United States Medical
Reserve Corps.
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1917-05-20

with a shave. That used to shock them all ter
ribly. All ! would have to say was mo witch
hazel" and almost Immediately the place would
be in an uproar.
'No witch hazel?" my barber would repeat,
ncreduously.
None at ALL"
And, of course, that would be overheard by
the man attending the adjoining patient, and
thus the news would speed along the line.
Many a time ] have had as many as five or
six BARRIERS gather around my chair to look at
me- and on one occasion my own barber,
canny soul, wanted TO charge admission Early
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1917-05-20

That's because we did that mobilization
stunt in Philadelphia last year. said one Of
the young khaki-clad doctors before he sailed
I'VE thought at the time the practice idea was
all fub-dub, but we're tickled to death now.
We were told that if we could mobilize in ten
DAYS we could get the first ship. We did it in
seven"