davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Hopkinsville Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1889-1918, 1917-07-31
By GEORGE AIDE

The latter went along, just out Of
Politeness. but he was a good deal dis
appointed In his Friend. Il certainly
did seem trifilng for HuskIe weighing
one hundred and eighty to pick on
something about the size Of a Robins
Egg.
Mr.. Pallzey played Gallery all around
the Course. He would stand behind
them at the Tee and smile in most
arid and patronizing Manner while
they sand-shuffied and shifted and Jig
gled and joggled and went through the
whole calIsthenic Ritual Of st. vitus.
He was surprised to note how far
the Ball would speed when properly
spanked, but he thought there was no
valid excuse for overrunning on the
Approaches.
Mr.. Palfzey found himself criticizing
the Form Of the Players. That should
have been his Cue to climb the Fence.
All of the Mathematics start on
the downward Path by making Mind
Plays and getting under Bogey.
Back on the sloping Sward between
No. IS and the Life-Saving Station, the
two Contestants were holding the usu-
al Post-Mortem. ~a--ssss~s 2
''Let me see that Dewflicker min
ute" said Mr.. PaIlzey, as he carelessly
extracted Mld-fro1. -'~----Sr>----~
He sauntered up to the silly Globule
and took an unprecedented Swipe.
The Stroke rang sweet and vibrant.
The ball rose In parabollc Splendor
above the highest branches of a ven
cradle Elm.
Just as the Face of the Club started
on the Following Through, the Bacil-
.lus ran up and bit Mr.. Pallzey on the
Leg.
He saw the blinking White Spot far
out on the emerald Plain. He heard
the murmur of Admiration behind him.
He was sorry his Wife had not been
there to take 1t In.
'Leave me have another Ball." re-
quested Mr.. Pallzey.
The Virus was working.
He backed up so as to get Running
Start.
'This time" quoth Mr.. Pallzey, II
will push 1t to Milwaukee"
Missing the Object of Attack by
scant six inches, he did a Genee toe
spin and fell heavily with his Face
among the Dandelions.
Tte-Host brushed him off and said:
'Your Stance was wrong; your Tee
was too high; you raised the Left
Comeback; the Grip was all in the
Left Hand you looked up; you moved
your Head at the top of the Stroke;
you allowed the Left Knee to turn,
and you stood ahead of the Ball. 9th
erwise, 1t was a Loo-Loo."
eff I come out next Sunday could
you borrow me Kit of Tools?" asked
Mr.. Pallzey. He was twitching violent
ly and looking at the Ball as If 1t had
called him Name. 81 got the first
one all right, and think"
SO 1t was arranged that the poor
doomed Creature was to appear on the
following Sabbath and be equipped
with set of Cast-offs and learn all
about the Mystery of the Ages be-
tween IL a. IN. and 2 p. m.
Mr.. Pallzey went away not knowing
that he was a Marked Man.
On Monday he told the Stenographer
how he stung the Ball the first time
up. He said he was naturally quick
at picking up any kind of Game. He
thought 1t would be Lark to get the
hang of the Whole Business and then
get after some of those Berties In the
White Pants. He figured that Golf
would be a Pipe for anyone who had
played Baseball when young.
Hopkinsville Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1889-1918, 1917-07-31

.rn4tt NrNa rHn 81 4 L.
I As an Exponent Of the more adj
vanced Play he was a Fllv. but as q
Matchmaker he was a Hum-Dtnger.
He knew he was plain pastry for the
Sharks. SO he would hang 6found the
first Tee waiting to cop out Something
Soft. =
One day he took on Mrs. Qlmstead's
Infant Son, just home from Military
School. The tender Cadet nWsed him
along TO on eveusup at the Punch Bowl
and then proceeded to smear His Vital
Organs all over the Bad Lands
That evening Mr.. Pallzey told Mrs.
Pallzey she would have TO Cut down
on Household Expenses.
Six years after he gave up the Busi-
ness Career and consecrated himself toll
something more Important, Mr.. Policy
had so well mastered the bafiing Intrt,
cacies that he was allowed to trail In q
Foursome with the ,Presidept OF the
Club. This happened ohc& n
II Is well known that any Persor
who mooches around q Country Club
for a sufficient Period will have somd
kind Of Cup wished on to bin. /
Fourteen years after Mr.. Pallzey
threw himself INTO u Hsakt 4g9 SUgl
and when the Expenses approhmAfeQ
$4,000. he earned bis AalQ. .uS-srq
One svening he cape back to hig
baggard Companion chortling infant.
Eise, and displayed something which
looked Ike an Eye-Cup with Handles
On II. 3.-- Hs---.--~<-s>'|sss s--sS
He said II was q Trophy. II was q
Consolation Offering for Maidens wish
hn allowance Of more than eighteen,
After that their Dolly, Life revolYed
around the Departpe1tSt BargaiW
Mrs. Pailzey had 20 use Metal Polish
on It to keep n from turning Black. !,
When the Visitors lined up In front
Of the Mantel and gazed at the tiny
shaving-Mug, the Cellar Champion oil
the World would regale them With theI
story Of hairbreadth 'scppes and moV
ing Adventures by Gravel GulIeys and
rushing Streams on the Memorable Day
when he (Pallzey) had put the Blocks
to Old Man willoughby, since de-
ceased.
Then he would ask all present tQ
feel Of his Forearm, after which he
would pull the Favorite One about
Golf adding ten years to his life.
Mrs. Pallsey would be sitting back,
pouring Tea, but she never chimed Iii
with any Estimate as to what had been
the effect on her Table Of Expectar
lions. .....-.
Moral-Remain under the Awning.
Hopkinsville Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1889-1918, 1917-07-31
\ NE day In the pink dawn of

MNM the usual Blood Pressure,
VM M was whizzing through a
es suburban Lonesomeness on
n lettering Trolley. The name Of the
man was Mr.. Pallzey. He had a desk
with Concern that did merchandising
In large way.
Mr.. Pallzey feared Socialism and
carried his Wlfe's Picture In his Watch
and wore Piasters. In other words, he
was Normal. believing nearly every
thing that appeared In the Papers.
While the Dog-Fennel was softly
brushing the Foot-Board and the Motor
was purring consistently beneath, Mr.
Pallzey looked over into close-cropped
Pasture and became the alert Eye-wlt-
ness Of some very weird Doings.
BE saw pop-eyed Person In soiled
Neglige, who made threatening move
ments toward something concealed In
the White Glover, with Weapon re-
sembling the iron Dingus used in goug-
Ing the ClInkers from Furnace.
''What is the plot of the Plece?" he
inquired Of a Grand Army man, sitting
next. 1888 cSs,srss@ ,zSsh
! u think" replied the Veteran, III
think he is killing Garter-Snake."
"Oh, no." spoke up the conversation
al Conductor. HE is playing Golluf,"
giving the word the Terre Haute pro-
nunciation.
Mr.. Pallzey looked with pity on the
poor Nut who was out In the Hot aSun,
getting himself all lathered up with
One-Man Skinny.
He said to G. A. r. that 1t took all
kinds Of People to make a World. The
grizzled Warrior arose to an equal At
titude by remarking that If the dag
goned Loon had to do 1t for a Living,
he'd think 1t was Work.
Mr.. Pallzey had heard OF the new
Diversion for the Idle Rich, just as
people out In the Country hear of
Milk-Sickness or falling Meteors, both
well authenticated but never encoun-
tered. ~
While rummaging through the Sport
ing Page he could come across a cryp-
tic Reference to MacFearson of. Drum
tochtie being 8 up and to play on
Hargis OF Sunset Ho, whereupon he
would experience a sense of Annoy
ance and do quick Hurdle.
He had seen In various Show-Win-
dows the splndly Utensils and snowy
Pellets which, he had reason to be-
lieve, were affiliated in some way with
the sickening Fad. He would look at
them with extreme Contempt and rath-
er resent their communicating contigu-
ity to the Mask, the Shln-Guard, and
the upholstered Grabber.
Mr.. Pallzey believed that Golf was
played by the kind of White Rabbits
who march in Suffrage Parades, wear
ing Gloves.
The dreaded Thing lay outside of his
Orbit and beyond his Ken. the same as
Tatting or Biology. His conception Of
a keen and sporty game was Pin Pool
or Jacks Only with the Deuce running
wild.
One Sunday he vas Invited out to
Food Saturnalla at a Country-Place.
The Dinner was postponed until late in
the Day because they all dreaded it so
much.
Friend Host SAID he had twosome
on at the Club end was trying out an
imported Cleek. so he invited Mr.. PAIL
zey to be a Spectator.
II he had said that he was going up
in Balloon to hemstitch a couple Of
Clouds. 1t would have sounded Just as
plausible to Mr.. Pallzey Of the Whole
sale District.
Hopkinsville Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1889-1918, 1917-07-31


In pain. Please try and relieve me.
Bend closer" came the hushed tones
ensuing. 81 am In deadly peril. inn
plore you to do me a service. Keep
talking about my sickness 50 he can
hear you outside there, till hand you
something"
understood the situation as my pa
tent CROPPED under the bed coverings
and produced a jewel case and long,
fiat wallet
"Take them" she whispered hur-
.rledly. keep up the farce until you
get safely out of the house. Then
hurry to the address written on card
inside the wallet. Deliver these things
to my niece. Tell her 1 shall be
robbed or murdered, if she does not
hurry the police to my rescue. You
shall be richly rewarded"
1 made great clatter at my SUPPL
posed medicine case. voiced a lot Of
medical gibberish. l babe my patient
"a truly professional adieu. left the
room, to be shown to the door by my
host, who looked elfsh and satisfied
as I indicated that his wife would
sleep soundly through the night. and
/ read his mind medltated robbery,
perhaps worse.
; An automobile pulled up In front
of the house as I reached the street. Al
professional-loOking man stepped OUT
The real doctor had arrived.
! l gave my case fling into an empty
lot and inspected the wallet. II was
filled with bank notes Of large demon,
lination. I opened the little box. A
galaxy Of precious, flashing gems cama
into view. l !
"Alice Derby, % waltham street."
the card within the wallet read. I.
hailed a taxicsb. Half an hour later
I stood within the parior OF neat,
pretty cottage, explaining my mission
to the fairest young cerature I had
ever met, and her father. The latter
became instantly excited. He hurried
from the house with the words:
"Sir, / fear to leave my daughter |
alone, while the man you have seen |
tonight is at large" and SO had that |
first bllssful interview with Alice
Derby. --''@Ss-~'ss@@--.>
AS 1 learned later the man I had |
met was the disowned husband OF ID.
patient and an escaped convict. he
vas Eetqrned 70 prison thai night. al
] never told the true story Of my
acceptance as a doctor. Ny patient,
indeed, rewarded me--she helped me-
into, business, and she helped me to
win the peerless Alice for my bride
VOPyrigasl W by By w. q Se,ssg pm
"WalltloWer Fighting Term. ~
II one man refers 70 n fellow worker
as "Wallhower" Is Ii Sufficient proves
cation to strike irfm7 10 ''
This is the-questiea that -Jdsties
Packard in central police SQUIRT at Bal-
timore was called upon 70 settle when
Henry Katz. an official of the Midcity I
garage, faced the magistrate ON q
charge of assault. The complainant
was Samuel c. Fernheimer, manager
Of the supply department. III
Eernheimer was walking through the
garage when he saw Katz standing d
short distance away.
If there were not SO many wallaow,
ers here, there would be more work.
10he." remarked Fernheimer 10 no ono
IN particular,
DO you mean met" shouted Katz.
W the shoe fits you. wear It," retorts
ID the supply man.
Then the blow came. =
Magistrate Packard thought the res
mark was suLlcient 70 justify the bl0w
The Detroit times. [volume] (Detroit, Mich.) 1903-1920, 1917-04-27

comparatively harmless saloonkeeperS on
the outskirts, while the proprietors OF
Detroit's swell" places, the most of
whom are notorious for utter disregard
of the law, have escaped.
This year the pull Of the swell cafe
owners and the pull Of their formerly in
huential friends isn't in evidence.
Police Commissioner Couzens has turn
ed over to the liquor committee the
names Of the proprietors Of IL OF the big
downtown cafes and tells the committee
that these men are conducting UNDE-
SIRABLE places.
He makes no recommendation, but by
submitting the names he suggests what
he would do with them if it were in HIS
power to do it.
Two or three OF the cafe owners allege
that the commissioners recommends
tions against them are not backed up
by the police records, bat the commits
sioner may be going on the theory that
it is better for few who are innocent
to get a little publicity than for one who
is guilty TO escape.
We learn from Commissioner Couzens
report that some Of the swell places
in this town as they are known. and TO.
which many men have felt free TO take
their wives or sisters. are maintained by
the patronage Of disrepN&ole men and
women, and that they are not proper
places for the wives and sisters Of men.
We know this about these places now
because Police Commissioner Couzens
has nothing to fear from them and be-
cause he has nothing TO ask of them
politically or otherwise.
We have been kept in the dark about
these places because conditions in past
years in the police commissionership
have not been what they are at this
time.
Our swell cafes have been protected
and shielded from the public in the past
because they are conducted by men who
have political influence, which fact has
been we'll understood by police commits
sioners with their masters to serve.
Ii is bit refreshing.
The Detroit times. [volume] (Detroit, Mich.) 1903-1920, 1917-04-27
Let the People
Rule-and Write
Discourage Loafsrs; Reduce Taxes

Discourage Loafsrs; Reduce Taxes.
To ne Edtt5r ~ The Times
Concerning me Increasing Of the
prod1c'ion of food uf ray plan
would 5e n FAKE q survey OF all
the men IN orr state. a. 70 axe.
physical atnes and vocation, and
force every nan into service who
cant show that he is engaged 10
h0nes' and productive labor mean
by this. that any man who has not
job now, needs ratchiRg Tramps.
loafers, drones and ooks should
Be forced 70 work would venture
that at least 5000 such men could
be found I'M our state As war
measure. If FOR no other reason.
THESE should be- made an asset in
ead OF "a liability
have no d0ubf hat these 5000
men crulI ~ worked under proper
supervision 90 weld a profit 70 the
state of $4,000 Der jay. net That is
rof by any means an the benefit
We would teach ONE 81 these men
industry and pos- IDLY interest them
.n PRODUCTIVE. labor
Hl more ban all We would re-
co crime which is expensive 20
tbe ax payers. ar least 30 per cent.
II Mchlen hould set The example.
F enforcing this yagrancy act 20
aa letter and have it known that
,Hr loNn Michigan o.. no work.
ao eatsr either states would quickly
follow. an4 rhe 1nproductlve man
would srt HrHa announcement any.
here
Wo are trying 20 mimic Germany
n miiitariam go why not initiate
Germany /r industTal success
Every one works ia Germany. either
yolantaDiy or by being forced 20.
Wht should thcy De exempt in the
United States.
Tho working ~ unemployed would
easily take the place Of 81 The men
we arc sending into the army and
the profit to the state on this labor
The Detroit times. [volume] (Detroit, Mich.) 1903-1920, 1917-04-27
Anniversaries

IsIs-York( now Toronto) captured
b. the AMERICANS.
1s22-Gen { = Grant. eighteenth
president OF the United states. born
Mcdregor. \ Y. July %. 1855;
fsss-Fire in Charleston. 5. c.. de-
stroyed more than 1000 buildings
fsT6-Queen Victoria made empress
OF india By act u parliament
ls92-Cornerstono laid for the
Grant monument IN New York city. =,
Iss3-Gen John VI Corse, noted
Union commander IN the civil war.
Pittsburgb, Pa April p. 1895
is9s-United states feet bonn bard
"a the batteries az Matanzas. Cuba
Martial law was declared
turnout ireland
ONE YEAR AGO TODAY IN THE
WAR
The Entente Allies conferred In
Paris on economic conditions arising
from the war.
Germans delivered heavy assaults
from Hill 90 20 Loos and entered
British trenches al several points.
Governments compulsory military
service bill introduced In British
house OF commons and withdrawn
because 81 opposition-
TODAY's BIRTHDAYS
George r Bvd. one. % the new
navy. born IN Maine. 60 years ago
today
Or Hollis Godfrey. president ~ the
DreNei inatlfnte and member or the
Council Of National Defense. born in
Lynn. Mass. 81 years ego today
John O. Cooper. preventative IN
conRrerA Of the ,, neteenth ohio dis
trfct. born Ia England IS years ago
today
Charles IT Copeland, for ~ years
asrociAted With the department 0f
English fn Harvard university. born
lp Calais Ne. 81 years ago today
Frank Gotch. champion wrestler o.
tho world now retired born In Hum
boldt, Iowa 81 years ago today.
" r. Myers outNelder OF the
Brooklyn National league baseball
team born In East Liverpool. o. -
wars ago today
The Detroit times. [volume] (Detroit, Mich.) 1903-1920, 1917-04-27
Battling For Coal
In Northern France

The meaning of the terrific struggle
between the British and the Germans
around the city of Lens is something
more than mere British attempt to
push Hindenburg's famous line" still
further back.
1t is something more than an effort TO
force the enemy off French soil.
If Gen. Haig's brave Britons and Ca
nadians succeed in capturing Lens, they
will have achieved victory far more inn
portant than the sinking Of 100 German
submarines.
What France and Italy greatly need
in addition to food, munitions and cloth
ing, is coal.
England has been trying to supply the
coal her allies so urgently require and
Germany with her submarines has en-
dangered and cut short the supply
Lens is the key to this situation.
Il is in the heart of the greatest coal
mining region of France. e.
For many months it has been in the
hands Of the Germans.
If they now lose it, only short time
will elapse until French miners once
more work the precious coal lodes.
And to that extent, the submarine
campaign of frightfulness will have
been defeated.
The Detroit times. [volume] (Detroit, Mich.) 1903-1920, 1917-04-27

day II is therefore important 20
know how 10 get the most out Of
meat at the least cost.
The toughest cuts are the cheap
est, but they are Just as nutritious
As the expensive cuts BY long,
slow cooking they can be made very
tender and palatabfe.
In order 70 keep In the Juice and
preserve the flavor. heat the meat
on all sides. press II down quickly
on hot pan. then cook Il slowly
on a low FIRE.
One can always use the bone fat
and trimmings II nothing better
can be done with them. the bones
and the trimmings can be used in
the soup kettle and the fat saved
for cooking
The Detroit times. [volume] (Detroit, Mich.) 1903-1920, 1917-04-27

would easily absorb the $4,000, 600
Just appropriated by the legislature
for var purposes.
The taxpayers will have burdens
enough 20 carry. even tho our legis-
lature should practice some real
practical political economy
Some viii ask where these men
shall be worked I will agree TO
place every one OF these men In
eight agricultural cousties in the
southern part OF the state. Some
say they will run away. Who're will
they go? Any man who IL idle will
Do subject 70 arrest City and coun-
~ officers can easily take into Gus
today anyone who has not a job. and
this man will be held until he Is &C.
counted for Should he be a fugi-
tive from Industrial bondage" he
shall DO punished by term in pris-
on Send these shirkers 70 Jackson
prison and accept my pledge that
they will be made 20 work at a
profit 10 The state
Why not start this movement
quickly and have our farmers as
sured II they viii plant crops, they
will have the labor 10 care for them.
Why not reduce the cost OF living,
reduce taxes and reduce crime by
discouraging drones, tramps and
vagabondS
EDWARD F'RENSDORF.
Hudson. Mich, April "a, 1917
The Detroit times. [volume] (Detroit, Mich.) 1903-1920, 1917-04-27
Democracy Assured
JOHN eALswoRTHY

LONDON. April 25.-Iohn Gals.
worthy has addressed an open let
ter TO Senator Lodge In which he
says
Ny Dear Senator Lodge The great
news from America moves me to this
slight and inadequate expression Of
heartfelt thankfglness that we are
now sllies in deed az well IA thought
The coming IN OF America and the
Russian revolution. taken together,
give one Tor the FIRST time feeling
Of reality and hope not 20 much as
% the material issue of the war
though 10 must greatly hasten vic
tory. but OF tho achievement ~ great
and lasting benefit for the world out
OF All this tragedy
In the early days - the struggle
thought "if only despotiHma 20
down In tho wTeckHge ~ this war is
horrors viii not have been quite IN
vain And now for the frHt time
one is able % believe that thcy Will
ono and ALL 80 down and democratic
Europe be- born
At last one Ia able 10 sec some real
chm nee for league ~ demoCrac Ies
that shall seek peace and pursue g.
That great saying. THE world must
be made safe for democracy. should
now b. tho motto for uE ALL with its
cnrollary that only In a world safe
reasonably secured
We owe 70 vou and 20 Russia n
renewed sense and conference in our
cause The idealism which was md
is implicit Ia that cause was ozzlnE
out under The bitter pressure ~ this
endless struggle Some - us were
beginning 10 fear that ~ the end
democracy would Do forced 20 the
continued use ~ autocTRtic militar-
ISM even aftor the victory had been
.a.aa
stance. should be conquered ia spirit
and the world set definitely spinning
backward That fear is az an end
The relief IS intense. To you and 20
the Russian revolution We owe that
relief IN tho certainty that the mill
tary caste - Germany is doomed
Many ~ ourselves and stll
greater number ~ Germans especial
lv - German writing men, cou-
temptuousiy deny that there should
be any dissoc alton ~ the German
people from tho German military
caste None the less. your president
was right IN MAX lnR that distinction
Britain and America. beneath all
difference and disgruntlement. DO
really want much the same thing for
life hy the lghf ~ Individual self
respect rather than by rulca framed
and hanging Both want humanity
.of conduct. fair play. and peace. And
waning those things. m Wll Dc
million pitlca II tho little present
rubs aud rankings ~ history and
your resentment 90 outside (Which
is generally mere UauchericD. ~ opr
sfolidity and our cnckaurcncaq and
our dislike ~ your superior talka-
tivoneHa and hustle. and your cock
aureneFs are 20 stay tho growth ~
that true and deep comradeship which
ought 20 iie5 between our nations.
I am. uY-deaL acnAL1L-moat cor
daily yours. JOHN oALSWORTHY.
The Detroit times. [volume] (Detroit, Mich.) 1903-1920, 1917-04-27
From Another Point of VieD
By C. T. s

Swiss authorities are endeavoring 10
learn the identity of an aviator who she'll
ed Swiss town. With the idea. presum-
ably, of serving notice on him 10 cheese
it.
C. r s. May be permitted spare In your
valuable column 70 make the pred ion that The
seeee with which Thomas Edisr next in.
Vention will clear the ccccc n uuuCu viii omen
5ermanys iiiii
Well-known and Popular Ctrlpod.-t
Ornithologists tell us the wren isn't
here yet. We are no ornitologist but we
do know that the wren that isn't here yet
is a wise old owl.
Two weeks ago
Into q row,
Some radish seeds VIZ gently tossed
They did quite we'll
For quite spell
Until. last night there came frost
(THE ENDl
Our next door neighbor is retired
farmer. When we consulted him on the
matter of whether ne thought there
would be a frost and what we had better
do about the garden, he said il le0kcd a
great deal like a frost and that it1would
not be bad idea for MS 10 take the gar
den into the house.
RAISE chickens for the army, says the
president. Something needed, we take it,
besides picked men
The Detroit times. [volume] (Detroit, Mich.) 1903-1920, 1917-04-27
Pointed Paragraphs

fnveterate op'lmisfs buy round
trip tickets whom they 20 10 war
Men who lack imagination are oft
on forced 10 adopt the expedient Of
telling the truth
Kicking ceases 90 help when n
becomes a habit
You can complete a good work.
but you can never end it
People who are too anxious 20
ike on velvet soon pet called on tho
cafpet
Consistency D. a jewel bur IL does
not brink very high price
love r. tho troacle Of life that
helps 10 make pslatable the rest OF
the meal