The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1917-09-13
Dorothy DIG Says

come an interesting conversational |
ist?"
Alas, my child, you are propounding
a riddle that no one has ever yet been
wise enough to answer. No one knows
just exactly in what charm consists,
or what are the strange, mysterious
and magnetic qualities that draw all
hearts to some one particular indi-
vidual, and that makes every eye
brighten and every heart leap with
joy at his or her coming.
Some people are born with TINS
great gift. They are the darlipgs OF
the GODS and the earth is theirs, and
the fulness thereof. Love and friend
ship, place and preferment, invita-
lions and treats, all the things that
less fortunate people toll and MOL
for, are thrown as tribute at their
feet, for charm is more potent
spell to conjure with than either
beauty or brains.
But let not the girl to whom nature
has been a cruel stepmother who has
withheld this magical endowm ent
from her, mourn one without hope.
For while to be a headiner among
charmers one must have undoubtedly
been a born charmer. still it is pos
sible for any girl who has intelii-
genee and discrimination to under
study the charmer and give such a
lifelike imitation of her that few will
i ever know that her fascination is
handmade instead of being the spon-
taneous thing.
So far as charm can be defined, it
consists in making other people feel
| good, putting them into a pleasant
! glow of satisfaction with themselves
and the universe. To do this, it is
necessary to make of oneself, if one
would. please, a neutral background
which brings out the high lights of
! nf
No conceited person, no bumptious
one. no one enamoured of his or her
own opinion. and determind to ram
| it down the Threats of others, was
ever charmer. You have to put the
soft pedal down, good and hard, on
your own ego to qualify in the fasci-
nator class.
| The first quality of the charmer
then, is unselfshness-to be willing to
let some one else have the center of
the stage and monopolize the spot
light If you can make people feel
that you appreciate them, that you
have the discerning eye that perceives
How good looking and intelligent and
generally admira BILE they are, they
will never be able to get enough of
your society. There are more people
in the world starving for appreciation
than there are starving for bread, and
as long as you feed them thus, they
will eat out of your hand.
/ Study the, people with whom you
| come in contact. Find out what is the
one little thing that each one thinks
that he or she does best-the secret
little pet vanity that every man. and
woman alive possesses-and play
upon this as upon harp with a thou
sand strings, and you shall never lack
for auditors who give you the glad
hand.
The second quality of the charmer
J al 70 oil
end women. Weep with those who
weep, and rejoice with those who re-
Joice. And dc this not hypocritically,
but sincerely.
with the great throbbing heart of
humanity that you are interested in
everything that happens to your fell
low creatures, and you really share
in their happiness and sorrows
Sympathy is the most powerful mag
net in the world. We are all drawn
to the individual to whom we instinc-
lively turn with the tale of our mis-
fortune or the story of our success.
The average man and woman are not
strong enough to be self sufficient
They must have an auditor, somebody
to whom they must bleat out their
woes or boast of their Victories
/ This is why there is no other charm
er who charms SO universally as she
who makes of herself a tear jug into
which the weeps of the unhappy may
pour themselves without stint; who
can listen with glowing and marvelins
eyes while self-made men tell her
how they did it, and doting mammas
sing the sagas of their wonderful off
spring
The third quality of the charmer
consists in keeping off the grass OF
other peoples little prejudices and
feelings. The born cf1armer possesses
a sixth sense, that we call intuition
which enables him or her to do this
instinctiyely He or she can tell be-
fore thing is said or done whether
it is going to be agreeable or offensive
to others.
Lacking this subtle sense of the
born charmer, the girl who desires to
please must substitute for it intelli-
gence. She must feel her way
, in conversation as carefully as a
mariner does along an uncharted and
reef-strewn coast. She must deny
herself the sacred joy of argument
humorous, whose point turns either
upon race or religion.
, Furthermore, she must take the
trouble to find out about people sc
that she may not make the mistake
of discussing matrimonial infelicity
with Divorces, nor penal institutions
with those who have sons and broth
, ers doing time There is really nc
more excuse for anybody trampling
our prejudices and hobbies and opin-
, ions into a pulp than there is for one
, to fall over our feet in a drawing
room.
Such Doors and blunderers are right
, ly relegated to the outskirts of So
ciety. No young girl can do more to
advance her own interests than to
learn how to pick her way daintily
, thru the mazes of other peoples per
s,onalities and if the average youns
woman would put as much time and
{ Thought on learning to do that as she
{ Goes in learning the newest steps il
! 1.-The fox trot, she would not have tt
I Isigh for the arts of the charmer. She
} lwouid possess the most potent art OF
all. the art of being an agreeable com
Ipanion-'
a AS for my correspondents second
lnuestion-how can she become an in.
lteresting conversationalist = that:
J easy to answer. By becoming in
lterested listener.