Ashland tidings. [volume] (Ashland, Or.) 1876-1919, 1917-03-29
Heard and Overheard
(By Lynn D. Mowat.)
Let Us Tell You Our Troubles.

or else he would Judge our limerick
contest for us-so he says.
Some malicious person poisoned
the mind of a candidate for our
judgeship or we would have the lin
ericks all judged by this time and a
great load off our mind. II was this
way: We found lady who had not
read the Tidings for the past three
issues, not being subscriber herself
and having moved into new neigh
borhood and not got we'll enough ac-
quainted to borrow things as yet.
She was willing to do the judging
for us the first time she came down.
town, but before she had the oppor-
tunity some malicious person, as we
said before, told her that people who
write verses were usually scatter
Drained and we're liable to do any
thing II slurs were cast on their
work. She called up and informed
us that the eye specialist hsd advised
her against reading for a few
months. eve are glad she used this
pretext. She has no comeback for
this, as she can't admit reading it,.
Anyhow, We are up against it and
are going to make an offer of free
three months subscription to the
Tidings to anyone who will judge our
contest, providing that such Judge
must have a recommendation as a
competent person from two minis
ters, two teachers or sixteeu lawyers.
This is bone-fido offer and we
stand behind it with our unlimited
credit (At least a merchant said
he would give us credit for unlimited
nerve, which ought to pass.)
All this bunk about unwillingness
to serve as judge is discouraging.
We will try to brighten up the posi-
bilities by telling the following story:
Once upon a TIME there was an
ASPIRING POLITICIAN who went to
a PROMINENT CITIZEN of a small
but FLOURISHING town told him
that ne FELT THE CALL of the
DEAR PEOPLE and was making the
RACE for MAYOR and wanted HIS
SUPPORT. The P. C. replied that
he HAD no INFLUENCE. "WHY?"
asked the A. P.
BECAUSE" sadly stated the P.
c., Sin a MOMENT OF WEAKNESS
I once acted as JUDGE at a BABY
SHOW, and since the women whose
OFFSPRING won moved away from
TOWN, have not got a SOLITARY
FRIEND"
MORALLY acting as judge one
can keep out Of politics.
Jack Bailey hes invented an in
strument of destruction which. when
turned loose on few regiments of
the enemy, will NOW them down
with a hail of bullets. The machine
will be run by three men, none OF
whom can possibly get hurt accord
ing to Jack 1t will be something
like an automobile with armor all
over and a machine gun to shoot the
enemy. The driver will see out by
q system of mirrors and will signal
the gun pointer by waving a flag Git !
being presumed that the cars will
have Ford engines and even loud |
Yelling could not be heard while the |
car Is in motion.) When one of the |
mirrors is broken it falls out in
pieces and the release of weight al
lows another to fly up into place. AS
the mirror will probably shine in the
enemys eyes, Jack figures it will
make shooting difficult and that 1t
will not be broken often Jack fig
pres that ordinary bullets would fly
off the armor like water eff fish's
back and that one machine could lick
4 regiment, and seventy-five ma
,hines the whole German army. The
wisest provision Jack makes is that
he machine will run just as fast
backward as forward. He is nego-
.iating with Fred Herrin to secure
Tred's Ford to try out the idea, and
( successful will give demonstra-
ion at the roundup on July 4. Those