The Washington herald., 1917-09-05
m Good Morning, Judge
NV Human Interest Stories of By
TY Police Court Happenings. PERKINS PERKINS
A Poem In Booze.

A Poem In Booze.
Now Judge, am so very poor. my
wife's most starved to death, I've triec
to let the booze alone, and draw a
sober breath. But every time / pass a
bar j stop and wonder why 1 can.
not go straight to my home, and quit
the old red eye I've got three chill
dren, all so small. they need me very
bad. they'll be ashamed to look at me,
and call me jailbird dad
Just give me one more chance, now
Judge. I'll keep the narrow road, and
straighten up and go to work, and
try your moral code" CThe Judge to
Bill Waters, souse). "I'll give you
one more chance. now Bill don't come
here any more, go back to wife and
children three, pass up the barroom
door,"
1t Was A Picnic.
"Ah had a little party, ledge, down
in nah humble home. We had some
gin and sweitzer cheese, hot dogs
and old cohn pone. Dis man he made
some rude remarks. about nah lady
fren. All aXed him not to talk lax
dat, en- he a gentleman. He ups en-
sez, 'Yo shet you jib, Ahse doln' de
talkin' now l seen right den jes
wot he meant, en- dere was a row.
He hit me wild a broken chair,
he poked me in nah chin, he muses.
eberyting in sight, so All let's a p'lice-
man in" (The judge to Harry Higgs,
the scrapper and offending party.
Now tell me what you did this for?
Why did you start the fight? I'll have
to fine you twenty and put you out
Of sight"
Charles Opens Up.
"Oh. ledge, All has nah troubles, en-
all nah ups en- downs.
All tries to do NAH bestest, en- all
All gifts is frowns. Nah wife she
has a hobby, en- she rides it mos
ter death, co.'s she talks me into
spasms eber time she draws her
breff, Nah life's jes one big worry
wild dis womun, Jedge, yo see, en- All
neber kin forgib her, 70 dat brick she
throwed at me.
"Ah wuz working in nah garden, a
pullin' up de weeds, en- she ups en-
thows a big one en- 1t brung me to
NAH knees. oh, Jedge, All needs per-
lection, from nah little scrappy wife,
en- All needs some heavy armor, TO
to hang onto nah life" (The Judge
to Charlie Moss. 1--WE got to fix you
some way, so your lights they won't
go out, so I'll bond her for a hundred.
now you put your fears to rout. "Oh,
thank We, Jedge," said Mr.. Moss, "mah
wife she's quiet now, yo done de trick
for dat ere brick, you sure kin show
EN- how"
Just Between Lovers.
Now. Jedge, All dubbed dis woman
once, All cohted her for fair, she had
brown eyes, en- pudgy nose, en- luboly
kinky hair. l waz ter marry her some
day, en- rent a little fiat, en- bill en- COO
like turtle doves, be happy lakadat
But now she's gone en- thowed me
down, because Ahm Doah en- black
All caint see why she done me So
onless it's cash l lack. All neber hit
her, Jedge, oh pleez, she cussed me
sonefin fierce: All tole her not to talk
lik dat. but she liked nah heart TO
pierce"
The Judge to Harold Marsh. who has
curIs.) Now you have got to stop
this row and rot muss up the girls.
I'll fine you ten, so come across. OF
I'll cut off your curls. Next case.
Che>aIier Albert.
''Jedge. All was walking on de
street wild nah gal and some boys
made some ondecent remarkhs about
her and All shot at EN-" pleaded Al
bert Jefferson. Albert almost caused
a small riot on V street northwest
Monday evening by firing OF pis-
tol. His girl resented some siure
made by some corner loafers and Al
bert remembered seeing some Wild
West pictures and he cut loose.
No one was hurt, thanks to AL