The Washington herald., 1917-08-15
YOUR DAUGHTERS CONFIDENCE
By DOROTHY DIX.
The worlds Highest Paid Woman Writer

A motner writes: "will you please
tell me how I can gain and hold the
confidence of my l5-year-old daugn-
ter l feel very much hurt because
she tells things to neighbor tnat
she never mentions to me. and talks
very much more freely with this COM
parative stranger than she does Win
her own mother"
Dear lady, you are just 10 year,
too late In starting out to win you.
child's confidence. Someone has saio
that to make gentleman You must
begin with mans grandfather. Ger
tainly II you ever expect to be chums
with your children you must pegin
when they are in the cradle.
Whenever grown up children are not
confidential with their parents u -
the parents fault. Every baby runs
lnstinctively with its little joys ana
sorrows. its little plans and hopes
to its mother and father and II oe-
pends upon the way In which the
parents receive and respect these IN.
fantile condolences whether or not
the big boy and girl tell everything
to mother or father.
Whenever this habit is broken up
| and the children cease coming 70
mother and father with their httie
tales of what has happened to tnem'
and their little thoughts, it Is be-
cause mother and father have failed
them in some way or have proven un-
trustworthy.
Parents take a high and mighty at
titude towards their children's con-
fidences. They think they have q
right to them. and TO be told all that
the child thinks and does. This II
not so. Even a child's soul Is MS
own and nobobdy has a right tc
look into that holy of holies except
upon invitation. and If parents have
forfeited this privilege through theii
blundering or carelessness, the blame
is theirs, not the child's.
Parents forget in dealing with their
children that confidence is only pos
sible between people of sympathy
and understanding. Even grown
person cannot tell anything to an
other unless he is sure that tha'
other is going to get his point OF
view in the matter and feel about II
as he does.
You never tell your plans but once
to a person who puts a veto on every
thing that you were intending to do
You never drag out your little tender
| budding aspirations but once before
a person who throws over you wet
blanket that leaves you chilled to the
bone. You never tell some Intimate
| sacred secret but once to a person
who desecrates your revelation witt
ribald laughter. You never talk about
your real self at all TO the person
who chatters and tells everything.
| II that is true of the grown-up,
II is ten thousand times more true
OF the child. because a child's sou
1t ten thousand times more sensitive
than a grown persons. Life makes
callouses on our souls even as II
does upon our feet. but a child's
| soul is still so tender and delicate
it bleeds at rough touch.
And parents are too stupid TO real
ize this or to see that the reason
their children do not confide in then
| is because they have acted in suct
a way as to effectually shut of al
confidence.
Why should little Johnnie tell you
that he Is planning to build a play
house in the back yard when ex.
perience has taught him that you
will be sure to say, don't" and
that you won't have the back yard
cluttered up with trash, whereas Il
he goes on and builds it without tax.
ing you into his confidence in the
matter, you will probably never no,
tice it. or else think it rather clever
OF him to have done such bit oi
carpentry work.
IL would have added immeasurably
to Johnnie's pleasure in the matter
If he could have confided his plan,
TO you and you had been interested
enough in it to- talk it over with
him and make suggestions and per,
haps help a little. The superstition
that 1t is the proper thing for parent,
to always object on principle to any,
thinS children want to do is respon.
sible for half of the lack Of conf.
| dence between boys and girls, ant
their fathers and mothers.
! You may be very sure that III.
!