The Daily Ardmoreite. [volume] (Ardmore, Okla.) 1893-current, 1917-07-10
The Parable of 9.,es, @s,Ts
E. Pluribus Unum
By S. NJ. Bonner.
OF the Vigilantes)

Now there was a Despot named Ok.
the Hohenzollern Terror. And he was
six cubits and a span in height and
wore a coat of mail; and the weight
thereof was five hundred shekels of
brass. And when he spake his people
trembled and the earth quaked, so
there was much trembling
Now II came to pass that Og was
seized with the lust to start something.
SO he cast covetous eyes on the Bel
CITES and menaced them And they
murmured, saying "Lo! Thou hast vic.
lated thy bond! Is II not written that
thou shalt preserve our immunity from
the scourge of war;"
And the Despot yawned and gave
them the CLASSY eye, saying, shall my
hand be stayed for a Scrap OF Paper?
Peradventure thou lookest for trouble?
Woe unto thee. for will cast thy car.
cass to the fowls of the air and thou
shalt die and not livet'
And II was done even as he spake!
Then came forth the tribes from the
north and the south, and the east and
the west; and they took counsel one
with the other saying: Behold this Des-
pot would smite the world and, verify,
/ 1t is no cinch that he fails to come
across" Therefore they called on their
men-at-arms to stay him; and the men
of valour rallied to the colors and came
out in battle array and gave battle,
and the slaughter did surpass all under,
standing.
And the Despot looked on in naughty
disdain saying, Take heed lest take
fall out Of the whole bunchw And in
truth 1t was no idle boast for the bar
barians were cuckoos when It came to
mix up.
Now the Chosen People were across
the Great Waters and at Peace; and
they lusted not for war, neither for the
shedding of blood. They worked in
their vineyards and fed on fine meal
and honey so that they waxed fat and
warm under the belt. And ii came TO
pass that they strayed too near the
danger zone, and things began to come
their way and smote them. And they
called out unto Woodrow the Prophe,
saying, 10! We have been smitten
by the barbarians!"
And Woodrow warned Og, saying.
TRY ye not to start something with u.s.
But Og gave him the CLASSY eye and
put more of the Chosen People TO the
edge of the Sword Then 1t came -
pass that Woodrow the Prophet lifted
up his voice and called aloud saying:
10! We have to hand it to thee for
pure Gall! Behold! thou menacest us
and our wives and children! Where
dost thou get such stuff"
Then Og called unto his high priest
saying. Won Bethman Hollweg." which
being interpreted meaneth: Get me
wise to these birds. Have they got the
stuff TO make good?" And the high
priest shrugged his shoulders saying.
"Oh, those mushy Yankees! Not husky
enough to fight and too fat to rum
| Now that was a raw line OF talk; so
the Prophet answered saying:
Just for that we viii get thee,"
Then he called together the Elders
OF the people and took Counsel with
them. saying. "Shall I preach the Cos.
pei Of Peace till he has us on the run =
Behold l wiz side-track the bunk and
/ play Il across the board, I have spoken
And he sounded the Alaruml AMI
the Chosen People rallied to the Colors
And 10! They were a husky bunch Of
Pippins who. peradventure. might ge;
the goat Of Og. And against the sky
line II could be seen where Og was per.
chance 10 get of. And II was well.
Now there were a few among the
Chosen People who had the yellow
streak. There were the Qulttites and
the Pacifites and the Cravenites and
the Knockites and the Tightwadicites.
And these took counsel one with tho
other saying, 40! Let us get together
and pick on the Prophet Therefore
they changed their apparel and anoint.
ed themselves and went before the Pro
phet and made abeisance saying. Rabbi
What does II profit man IL he demon.
strates before the Cannon's MOUTH"
Thus answered Woodrow the Prophet
Let not my people impute iniquit,-
unto me because have red blood in nv
veins. Shall I eliminate the Essential
Ethics Of BY the People. OF the People,
and For the People because the Yellow
Quittites happen to have cold feet7 Be-
hold, what we want is team play! On
ye Tightwadicites; Talk less and buy
Liberty Bond. Oh ye Facilities. know
ye not that Eternal Vigilance Is tho
price OF Peace? oh We Cravenitesl Is
the sword worse than the scourge? Oh
ye Worshippers Of the Golden Calf.
wilt thou loosen up 20 Liberty or to
og? Verify. Verify. say unto YOU.
"'E Pluribus Unum. or we all pull 10
gether for the Down and Out Clubr'
ENGLIsH WAR SAYINGS.