The Daily Missoulian. [volume] (Missoula, Mont.) 1904-1961, 1917-04-19

III The Germans were in France. And was at home
But was afraid There you have 1t. wa.
ashamed because would not fight for my country
| my country that needed me- and afraid t.
fight. was afraid to be hurt. was afraid to die
DO you remember when they called the 1917 elias
year ahead Of time? I went then. voluntee
God, what struggle that was! l walked the roa,
TO the caserne with the sweat running off me Fo,
year had dreamed nightly Of the Shells had
neard them They had fallen around me- | had
been wounded had felt the impact OF tho steel
on my yielding flesh. For n year had srent my
days trying to hide my terror from my wife nv
friends. and my neighbors. And all the time my
country had called. Fear and shame! Fear and
s"ame' My country called and was afraid to go.
For man who loves his country. there Is nothing
| harder tan to be coward and know It, I went
at last. because could not stand tho fortuna RI
ia'i'hs 70 do my duty. No one else knew I had
oeen sent back by tho doctors. was blamelcss be-
fore the community. But knew 1t was bccauso I
was a coward. because was afraid to ,be hurt
"ra'd 10 die. SO when they called the class of 1917
went.
This time. men scarccr and he was accent .
co. but then. worst Of all they him to veriun!
they sent him to that whirwind of sla lighter where
mans chances Of coming ont about 'ea,al to
'hose rescued from lcaky life-hoat alone In the
middle of the sea Barhesse exclaims
1hcy sent me to Vcrdun Can you imag CINE what
mat meant to me? 1t was in the very midst of
| the German attack on the left bank Of the Mouse
mad been drafted into veteran regiment with n
lot Of others to help fill up the gaps and joined
| just in time TO go into the front line =.
You know how the papers were filled at that time
with the terrors Of the Verdun fighting. 1t was not
c inc bravery OF our troops that read. but Of the
terrors. don't know how l ever got into line on
the day we marched from the rear to 20 to tho
front Everything did mechanical. We were
called before daylight: had cup of coffee. we
were marching along the road
had managed it up to then without giving nv
self away True, talked little to my comrades, and
probably that saved me. But the morning we
| marched to the front. what saved then don't
know. except possibly because I said nothing
| was unable to speak was numb with fear. was
sick My stomach turned. ! walked with my head
down and my feet dragged like great weights
You know. at that time You could always hear at
Nerdun the pounding of the big guns. I heard it
for days. while my regiment was in reposc used
to go out In the woods by myself and listen to il
and terrfy myself by thinking what it would be like
70 be under that rain of shells foolish thing to
do. but for more than a year. nearly two Years
had been under the obsesson Of my fear. ! could
no longer control it,
And then were on the road marchincc towa ri
that inferno BY impcrccptible dcgsees the round
Ing grew louder. I moved mechanically because
was in the ranks. with each side OF me
ana one IN 'front.' and one behind. l had to 90 on
MY Will could not control my movements I was
part of a machine. The machine went toward the
| pounding and went with it. That was ALL EXCEPT
that once vomitcd
Mind you, had never really heard a shc,, on,,.
the distant sound Of the explosions We had been
| marching nearly two hours when heard my first
shell There was long. thin whine some place in
me air. 1t was new sound, and twas strange
10 me that raised my head for the first time since
we started on the march. The man next to me
laughed.
"A shell" he said
looked all around nc tried to stop to SEQ the
path Of that queer whine but the man behind me
proddcd me on. Several of them laughed
You will hear plenty more" they said.
They thought I eager for them
Inc shcls began to come at regular intervals all
following the same path with the same peculiar
whine. l tried every time to them
The Boches are hunting for battery over on
our left" the veteran said. There was no change
IN the pace. was saying to myself Il have really
heard a she'll and l did not run"
IL was very queer to me; tried to think it out
vas afraid. ! knew was afraid. But had not
run began to wonder just how afraid | was and
wanted to know. had heard the shell and my
curiosity was aroused wanted to go on and see
how far would go before my fear overcamc me-
With every one of their long whincs T studied my
marching with the regiment, | would say:
Not yet: perhaps the next time Certainly, there
Is limit beyond which viii not CO.
1t was he explains. just if he had been two
men instead of one and the first who knew that
the other was afraid, studying the coward
and wondering just when and where he would
break DOWN The timid half knew it, and wondered
himself, thinking that the very next instant would
BRING the limit of endurance This interchange OF
subjective and objective thought went on through
IN" mornings march. Then are told
Eleven o'clock came and we stopped for luncheon,
W" stacked our arms beside the road and cascd
or our equipment felt wonderfully relieved that
had got that far ! not really hungry. be-
cause was afraid, but ] Was enough master Of
myself to know that must cat and to force myself
to do SO.
Whi" we waited there shells began to fall close
10 disclose enough that We could hear the OK
loson after the whine Before, we had heard ONLY
the whine. The first made me jump. The
"hln" was loud and strong and the explosion came
quick and sharp. With the second was strong
and i1r,ls