The Ely miner. [volume] (Ely, Minn.) 1895-1986, 1917-10-12
Little Problems
ScWarried Life
OBSERVATION-DISCLOSURES
WILLIAM GEORGE JORDAN
TALKING HOME MATTERS OUT
SIDE.
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tCopyrightJ

seem continually nyfnS q nag OF us
tress from the ship of matrimony:
They give monologues on the slightest
provocatiOn, and often on the very
slightest acquaintance, on the ever
new subject of their home troubles.
They seem to be Il private press asso-
citation for syndicating news of domes-
tic cares, worries and miseries. They
keep their memories of home discOrd
all labeled, classified and dated, and
seem to take a collectors delight in
parading them. 1t is false adver-
tising instinct that publishes the weak
ness of the matrimonial firm.
II the sky of the home is overcast
and the sun of love is temporarily
darkened by doubt or misunderstood
ing. it is not wise to bring In the neigh
bors to witrcss the eclipse. II there
is little sund in the sugar of home
happiness, 1t really seems better to
concentrate on the sweetness that re-
mains than to carry around samples
of the grit In envelopes Of conversa-
donal confidence.
In the business world, when firm
has to pass through a period of sun
less days and stress and storm; when
they are long on hope and short on
prosperity; when the partners enthu-
siastieally agree with each others pol
Icy; when the present looks grim and
the future grimmer, they guard their
condolences carefully; they fear their
troubles may be known outside; they
realize that they are facing problem
that must be solved from within, not
exploited from without. They feel an
esprit de corps that makes it seem
dislOyalty 20 talk matters over outside
the breastworks. And in married life
love, loyalty, dignity, basic mutual
respect should make this guarding of
the sanctity of the home even greater.
Talking home matters outside is adver-
Using the insolvency of harmony. 1t
weakens the credit and reputation of
the home firm, and often causes unjust
ratings in the Bradstreet of society.
A temporary trouble. that may be
merely weeks cloud In the home it.
self, may be recorded as Damaging
tornado" If given intensity Of life by
being idly talked of outside the family
walls. Gossip is natural weed in
the garden of conversation; 1T grows
so freely and spontaneously that we
need never plant with our own hands
the seed of needless criticism, COM
ment and condemnation of ourselves
and of those who should be nearest
and dearest to us.
There are times in the home when
some grievance. real or fancied, swells
cur feeling to a dangerous high-tide
of emotion; pique or pride may add a
new pang to suffering, and, carried
along by the torrent, we feel we must
tell it to some one. 1t hardly matters
what ears hear the story, SO that we
may have our hearts filled with the
cons0ling music of sweet sympathy. ut
may be natural hunger, but it is
none the less dangerous. Its very ma
tufe may make 1t unjust.
In the intensity of feeling we con-
centrate in our complaint on the eli
max, the word, phrase or act that
seems the essence of our hurt. But
we rarely tell the true story truly; we
unknOwingly suppress part, slur over
in innocent lighaess our part of it
an incendiary word that added new
fire, an unkind silence, perhaps, that
made us equally guilty. This Is the
element that makes the telling unjust
and intensifies its disloyalty; we eager
ly drink in the sympathy, feel a mo-
ment's balm of righteousness in hear
ing the other condemned; and it
usually intensifies and exaggerates our
sense of hurt.
But when our wiser judgment re-
turns and night dawns into day, and
the bright sunlight pours In through
the windows, we see things in more
normal perspective. Our high-strung
emotions Of the night before seem un-
justified, foolish, with the garish dis
order and confusion of banquet table
still standing the morning after. We
would give so much to buy back our
confidence of the night before, and
would pay good premium just to be
able to leck our secret again in the
silence of the unspoken. But that is
one thing that all our most earnest
prayers and sincere repentance cannst
bring to pass. What we have told. we
have told, and it has gone from our
keeping.
SC rh
derstandable, and even forgivable. Per
haps as cloudburst; but there is a
mean drizzle of complaint, a constant
fog of petty charges, that is one of
the worst phases Of talking home mat
tiers outside. When husband adopts
The martyr pose and talks freely of all
the things he has to put up with at
home, interposing sample home con-
versatiOnS and incidents. one longs to
take him into q corner, remove this
"Dead March in Saul" cylinder from
the monograph of his conversation
and put i'm a Home Sweet Home
one. When wife feels that every
one must be interested in her story of
her difficulties In divorcing her hus-
band from little money for house
hold expenses, and continuously en-
cores herself with s.ililar narratives
in her repertoire, one cannot but feel,
somehow, a good deal of sympathy
with the husband.
Ii the horsepower energy that mar
ried people thus put into syndicating
their trials, sorrows and troubles were
concentrated on trying to lessen the
cause; on seeking, through love. to
discover way out; through mutual
esteem to reach truer basis Of under
standing and harmony, they would nc.
complish wonders and would realize
that the larger part Of their suffering