The Press., 1917-08-02

right from Chicago or New York city anybody could tell that from the cut of your jibr' And Barney again passed the wink to the others, who all felt in duty bound to roar at the managing editors wit.
 Mice, genial staff you've got. Chuck full of fun, ain't they? l hope they're not laughing at me. Hain't got a Please Kick Me sign pinned to my back, have I?"
 "That's all right, Uncle Horace" purred Barney. Don't go to getting excited. The boys are just spelling for little fun-been working under steam pressure today-but none of them would ever be guilty of-er-by George, they have. just the same! But it doesn't read. Please Kick Me- it says, We're From the Farm And if l only knew the deep dyed villain who pinned it on you I'd discharge him this instant-yes, sir. this very instant-and I'd tell him not to come around again until tOmOr- row morning." he added in a stage whisper as he stepped around behind the rural looking visitor and removed the offending sign, deftly replacing it by another handed him by one Of the crowd, reading, "Turnips For Sale."
 "There; that looks better" observed Barney. at which everybody roared promptly once more.
 Not quite so much levity, boys" said Barney reprOvingly. II am going to show our friend here through the Ar gus establishment, and I want to see how we'll you can behave while"-
 Biff!
 A big wad of paper came sailing across the office and carOmed on the ear of the caller.
 That was our baseball editor who did that" explained Barney cOolly. Force of habit, I suppose. He proba- bly, imagined he was throwing a ball at first base. Don't let that happen again, Higgins"
 "All right, sir" glibly responded the young man who had thrown the paper. Mistake, anyhow. l was aiming at the wastebasket."
 Well. seeing you've apologized, it Is all right" said Barney, with mock so- lemnity.
 "Now, Mir. Hayseed-I should say Hayden-you have already been intro duced to our baseball and society edi- tors, and if you will cast your optics over the rest of the collection of gen fuses before you I will enlighten you as to their duties, so that when you go back to the farm you will understand the secret of the Argus success in i'm i'm news of the entire world, including the city and county of BOOmOpolis.
 "The exceedingly tall, thin young man with the short hair and promi- nent ears is MT. Perkins, our secret service reporter and war correspond ent. His build, as you will notice, fits him admirably for the position. He is so thin he can crawl over a transOm without the slightest difficulty"
 You don't say!
 Fact, I assure you. And that is why n thin man has a marked advan- tage over a POO pounder. It requires less gas to carry him, and if he falls from a balloon it doesn't muss him up so much as it would a fat man, there by effecting a big saving in doctors bills for repairing broken ribs, etc."
 ''I see. Quite an idea, that"
 "Yes. and. besides, a thin man Occu- pies less space and leaves more room in the basket of the balloon for the wireless message apparatus. You see, as fast as the war correspondent in a balloon gets a message ready to send in to the paper he grinds it out on a wireless sending machine, something like a phonOgraph, and it goes flying off into space until it>strikes the Aerial Wireless Telegraph line, over which it whizzes through the air with almost lightning speed until it reaches the Argus office. It would do you good to see our office boy catching the mes sages in a wire basket as they come flying in at the window"
 Well, well!'
 "Oh, I tell you there is n pile to learn about the newspaper business when a fellow once sets about it. Now, I rather imagine you've learned a few things in that line today, MT. Hayseed Il mean Hayden-that you never knew before"
 II reckon I have picked up just a few stray hints about the newspaper business" drawled the man in the straightened up, and the awkward countryman of a moment before was transformed into something quite diff ferent as he went on in crisp, business like tones: Exceedingly valuable ones, too, most of them. Now, seeing I have been running a newspaper myself for the past fifteen years, had a glimmer- ing sort of an idea when drifted in here today that possibly knew some thing about the business, but l find ] was mistaken. I'm only a jibbering idiot in the newspaper business, from the Argus standpoint, and, having bought the paper, I've got to start in at the bottom and learn the trade all over again from its highly accomplish ed and courteous staff. Good joke on me, MT. Blake, isn't it?"
 Barney-nOt to mention the rest of the Argus staff-looked as if it would be a great relief to him at that moment if the earth were to open and swallow up the entire establishment.
 "W-why-er-whO-w are yOuY' he stammered uneasily.
 q? Oh, I'm nobody much. I'm only Uncle Horace. the old hayseed that dropped in on you a few minutes ago to take lessons in journalism and the art of entertaining callers. But here comes Colonel Starbuck. Perhaps can get him to introduce me. How are you. colonel? A trifie late in keeping your appointment, aren't yOu?
 "Why, how dye do, majOr?" exclaim' ed Colonel Starbuck cordially. "I am sorry I've kept you waiting, but it has given you a chance to learn something about the Argus establishment and the staff"