Grand Forks herald. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1916-1955, 1917-06-27
The Best of Humor

The young hopeful Of four years
had been a source Of continual vexa-
ton and trouble all through the meal
n at its finish a lady friend turned
to the child's mother and said:
III your boy belonged to me Z
should not stand so much of his nom
sense at meal times. I should give
him a thrashing."
But" said the mother. 'you can't
smack the poor little fellow on a full
stomach"
NO" said her friend, but you
can turn him over"
seaeirt would not lie. I know. but
he Is dreadfully careless with the
truth. He said that the horse he hired
to 60 to Glenellen last summer was
80 slow that a spider wove Its web in
the wheel. Children came and made
mud pies in the shade of the buggy.
At n point he had an exciting race
with a c%aterpiller. A woman came
out and asked him to please drive a
little faster. he was keeping the u
off her tomatoes. He said the horse
was slower than a barber he knows,
who Is so slow that the whiskers grow
faster than he can shave, and by the
time he is through the customer has
a full beard.
II could have bought farm land
once in what is now the center OF
Chicago"
Cheap. I'll bet"
eyes, II 1 had done it I'd be rich
now"
we all have vain regrets" opined
the grocer. IT I had every potato
I've stuck on the spout of a kerosene
can, ia be wealthy beyond the dreams
Of %avarice.'
Mr.. Jinkworthy had become greatly
puffed up over the fact that his wife
was telling the neighbors that she hal
q model husband. He bored his coll
leagues in the office about it until one
Of them called him to one side and
suggested that he should look up the
definition Of the word model" Mr..
Jinkworthy took down the dictionary
Model small imitation of the
real thing!"
(our contributor, in order to meet
the demands Of space consequent on
the shortage Of paper, regrets that he
has had to Gu q good deal Of trim
ming from the following story.)
oA OC4oI0 1Al 8Iuuy
fire, putting a small Woodbine. What
was that? Sounds as of Sir st6ney
Broke kissing Lady Mineisabass in the
ara wfng room.
This is too much. The children,
too. were crying for sugar; potatoes
had not arrived. Bah! He would
end it all.
out a whiskey and soda and a brace
Of cartridges.
Then he took his hat, his coat, his
stick, q revolver, his departure, and
his life.
On q pleasant Sunday afternoon an
OLD man and his youngest son were
seated in the village inn. The father
had partaken literally Of he home
brewed beer and was warning his son
against the evils Of intemperance.
Never drink too much, my son. A
gentleman stops when he has enough.
To be drunk Is a disgrace.
Yes, father; but how I tell
when I have enough or am drunk?"
The old man pointed his finger.
do you see those two men sitting In
the corner? If you should see four
men there you would be drunk"
The boy looked long and earnestly.
"YeB. father, but-but-there is only
one ma in that CORNER"
Five young men trooped into 4
shop. zach to buy = new hat. Scent.
Ing fun. tn: maj behind the counter
Are you all married." he In.
aYes." they chorused.
Then ! will give q hat to the man
who car truthfully say that he has
not kissed any woman but his own
wife. since he was married"
Hand oyer ~ the hat" aid onc Of
One Of the others vas spinning the
yarn to his wife when his laughter
gAvs way 70 fear.
II say, John" she said. "how was
II you did not bring one?"
Mr.. Psnn-rhey say the streets in
Boston are frightfully crooked:
know, when I first went there I could
hardly find my way round.
THAT must be embarfassing.".
1T is. The first week I wa there
I wanted to get rid Of an old cat. w
had. and my wife got mo to take It
to the river a mile away"
"And you lost the cat al right"
Lost nothing! I never would have
found my way home II I hadn't fol-
An intoxicated man hailed I cab.
After he had climbed in the cabby
leaned over ana asked: what street
do you want?"
What streets have YOUR he IN
Lots Of 'em." smiled the cabby.
humoring him.
"0imme 'sm ALL no said, waving
his arm srandiy. After they had been
driving for several hours the man in
the cab ordered a stop. How much
do I owe you 2,
''ssvsn dollars and nifty cents"
you set 70 thifty.h' shsnt1, cause gthas
~ ! rot.