davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Omaha daily bee., 1917-03-03
GHA@1Le-.

Pastor Dietz Methodist Episcopal Church.
(Nsa-"My First Sermon" by Rev. Frederick E. Pamp)
Omaha daily bee., 1917-03-03

Storyette OF the Day.
Two women travelling in the same
passenger coach could not agree about
the window and finally appealed to
the brakeman.
IF that window remains open 1
shall catch my death of cold" objected
one. to which the other promptly re-
piled: "If It is closed l shall smother
to death"
The brakeman scratched his head
in perplexity, until an old gentleman
sitting nearby proposed:
"Open the window until one freezes
to death and then close 1t until the
other smothers to death, and then the
rest of us can finish our journey in
peace. New York Times.
The herald. [volume] (New Orleans, La.) 1905-1953, 1917-08-23
Americas Filhtino Forces.

The United States marine corps are
the soldiers of the sea. kipling refers
to the marine as sailor and soldier,
tOO''-an apt description. The marine
does not man the ship in the sense of
sailing it. His business is to fight on
sea or land, and, in each instance, as
a regiment of the army might do were
ii temporarily detached To serve aboard
a battlcShip. The term of enlistment
is for four years. This is the term Of
enlistment, also for the navy. No re-
Cruit can enlist for Il shorter period
unless the president should authorize.
fundamentally, the difference between
the regular army and the National
Guard lies in the fact that the former
is under the command of the president
while the latter, until il is taken into
the federal service, is under command
of the governors of the respective
states. When the National Guard is
taken into the federal service il be-
comes, 10 all intcnts and purposes, a
portion of the federal army and is
subject To the presidents orders and
may be employed as the president
sees fit, either at home or abroad. pre-
cisely as he would employ the regular
army.
The herald. [volume] (New Orleans, La.) 1905-1953, 1917-08-23

VIZ HEN Aunt Martha gave friend
w wife that new-fangled camera
had a bunch that the dealers in pho
tographic supplies would be joyously
shrieking the return of good times
and hotfooting it to the bank with the
contents of my wallet.
Peaches just grabbed that camera
and went after everybody and every
thing in the neighborhood.
She took about eight hundred views
Of Uncle Peters country home before
she discovered that the camera wasn't
loaded properly, which was tough on
Peaches. but good for the bungalow.
Like everything else in this world,
picture pinching from still life de-
ponds entirely on the point Of view.
If your point of view is all right, it's
an easy matter to make a four-dollar
doghouse look like the villa Of Wall
street broker at Newport.
Ten minutes after friend wife had
been given the camera she had me
set up as a statue all over Uncle Pc
The herald. [volume] (New Orleans, La.) 1905-1953, 1917-08-23
American ChiIdren's Manners.

The North American child is too
often merely tn" hy-product of mar
riagp. II serves rs an outlet for that
pride which its parents cannot always
reasonably take in themselves 1t is
Tcttcd. cajolcd. pampcrcd. ovcrdrcSSed,
and under,liSciplincd, till there is
evolved a pygmy for whom the world
soon grows banal, who is destitute Of
the pctirionary apparel to childhood.
and who surveys an already antici-
pated and thoroughly analysed future
with the cold eyes of unnatural knOWl,
edge. The world is its football. 1t is
smart beyond description. But there
is in the forced garden of its life no
sheltcring bed where may bloom the
flowers of GraCiOUSncSS or peace. OF
it's traditions will be of grandfathers
who. by virtue of that native Ameri-
can lOngSi ghtedneSS. delivered the
goods of their period and were prompt
ly and suitably rewarded. But there
will be few traditions of cOurtlness,
scant reminders that nobleSSe oblige,
and but scattering memories of in
herited responsibilities. The sempi-
ternaI dollar will still dominate. One
generation was too busy collecting and
the other will be too busy spending.
The second generation offers no prom
Use. and the third but little. The
fourth will probably open a new and
finer cyCle.-iIarper'S.
The herald. [volume] (New Orleans, La.) 1905-1953, 1917-08-23
ter's lawn, and she was swapping at me
like a Spitz doggie at a peddler.

ter's lawn, and she was swapping at me
like Spitz doggie at peddler.
| sat for two hundred and nineteen
pictures that forenoon, and / posed
for every hero in history from VIII
liam the Corqueror down to Doctor
Cook, with both feet in a slushy lit
tie snowbank representing nearly-the-
north-pole.
But when she tried to coax me to
climb up on a limb of a tree and
stay there till she got the picture of
me looking like an owl, l swore softly
in three languages, fell over the back
fence and ran for my life.
When l rubbershoed it back that
afternoon friend wife was busy deyel-
oping her crimes.
The proper and up-to-date caper in
connection with taking snapshots these
days is to buy a developing outfit and
upset the household from pit to dome
while you are squeezing out pictures
Of every dearly beloved friend that
crosses your pathway.
Friend wife selected a spare room
on the top floor Of Uncle Peters home
where she could await developments.
A half hour later CHASTITY noises be-
gan to come from that room, and mys-
FERROUS whisperings fell out of the
window and bumped over the lawn.
When Il reached the front door
found that the gardener had gone, the
The herald. [volume] (New Orleans, La.) 1905-1953, 1917-08-23
John Henry on Snapshots

in exclaiming: "Oh, Joy! John. have
developed two pictures!"
| wish you could have seen the ex-
preston on Peaches face.
In order to develop the films pic
turesque assortment Of drugs and
chemicals has TO be used.
Well friend wife had used them.
A silent little stream of wood alco-
hol was triCkling down over her left
ear into her Psyche knot, and on the
end of her nose about six grains Of eX-
tract of potash was sending out sig
nails of distress to some spirits Of tur-
pentine which was burning on the top
of her right eyebrow.
Something dark and lingering like
iodine had given her chin the double
cross and her apron look like the rem
nants of porous plaster.
Her right hand had red, white,
green, purple and magenta marks all
over it, and her left hand looked like
the Fourth Of July
"Johg!" she yelled. Here it is!
The herald. [volume] (New Orleans, La.) 1905-1953, 1917-08-23
Fatted Calf Is a Sheep.

Syria is probably the only country
wherein the fatted calf is Still-meta-
phOrically spcaking-killcd. 1t comes
about in this way: Each family Sc
lects from its flock n particularly fine
sheep, has it shcared and brought into
the house at the beginning Of winter.
1t is washed and most carefully kept
while being fattened with selected
food. SO ovcrfed is the animal that
the owner helps it work its tired jaws
during maSticatiOn in order to COM
plete the fattening process. When
some distinguished visitor arrives, or
some great event transpires, the sheep
is killed. As the Syrian people eat
only fresh-killed meat, never refrige-
rated meat, the entire animal must at
once be disposed Of-cOOked-SO il
can be stored for future consumption.
The herald. [volume] (New Orleans, La.) 1905-1953, 1917-08-23
Understood His Profession.

The professor of Jurisprudence in a
western university was lecturing to a
hundred embryo lawyers. He asked
whether anyone in America could own
property. One fellow answered, mo,
a criminal can't own property"
But the professor said: Suppose a
man who owns a ranch gets into trou-
BILE with his neighbor, assaults him
and is put into the penitentiary, does
he still own the ranch?"
The class was unanimous that he
did, says the Youths Companion.
IF he did not continue to own It,"
went on the professor, what would
become Of it?"
That was supposed to settle the dis
cussicn, but one boy called out, The
lawyer would get it."
There was a hearty laugh, Of course,
and the professor added:
I'VE learn two things from that apt
remark: be lawyer, and don't be a
criminal"
The herald. [volume] (New Orleans, La.) 1905-1953, 1917-08-23

My goodness. l am so excited! See
what fine picture of you | took"
She handed me the picture, but all
l could see was a woodshed with the
door wide open.
"A good picture of woodshed,"
said; but whose woodshed is it,"
"A woodshed" exclaimed friend
wife why, that is your face, John.
And where you think the door is open
is only your mouth"
l looked crestfallen and then I
looked at the picture again, but my
better nature asserted itself and l
made no attempt to strike this de-
fenseless woman.
Then she handed me another pic
ture and said: John, isn't this won
derful?"
/ looked at the picture and NUT
tered: "All l can see is Theodore, the
co!ored gardener, walking across lots
with a sack Of -four on his back"
John. you are SO stupid" said
friend wife. How can you expect to
see what it is when you are holding
the picture upside down."
l turned the picture around, and
then l was quite agreeably surprised.
ITS immense" l shouted. It's the
real thing all right! Why. this is
aces! l suppose it is called, Moon
light on Lake Champlain?' Did this
come with the camera or did you
draw it from memory"
The herald. [volume] (New Orleans, La.) 1905-1953, 1917-08-23
Net an industrious Lad.

Young Henry Biggs, the miller's
son, who had been apprenticed to
Farmer Grub5ins, had not proved what
might he described as a conspicuous
success. And SC, when old Biggs came
along enc day to ask what progress
the lad was making, there came a Ger,
tain dubious expression into the old
farmers eye.
well" he drawled, "'tisn't that
wish to discourage you nor your son
neither. 'Tisn't that l wish to be grum.
bin at him one bit. He don't do moth.
in wrong-nothin' at all, If he can
help it. But will say, Miller Biggs,
that it's my opinion that If your son
Harry had another hand, he'd want
another pocket to put it in."-London
Tit-Bits.
The herald. [volume] (New Orleans, La.) 1905-1953, 1917-08-23
FLOATING Islands,

Many floating islands have at various
periods been found vOyaging on the
Atlantic. These islands were original
ly part Of the lowlying river banks.
which broke away under stress of
storm or food and floated out to sea.
The OrinOcO, the Amazon, La Plata
and other tropical rivers often send
forth such pieces of their shores.
Some of the bits of land are of large
size and carry animals, insects and
vegetation, at times including trees,
the roots Of which serve to hold the
land intact, while their branches and
leaves serve as sails for the wind.
Generally the waves break up these
islands shortly after they put to sea,
but sometimes. under favorable cOndi-
tons, they travel long distances.
The herald. [volume] (New Orleans, La.) 1905-1953, 1917-08-23
"Where Is Mrs. Henry?" ! Inquired.

THE idea Of such thing friend
wife snapped. Cant you see that
you're holding the picture the wrong
way? Turn 1t around and you will see
what it isl"
| gave the thing another turn.
Gee Whit" l said. Now | have
1t! Oh, the limit! You wished to
surprise me with a picture of the sun
set at Governors island. How lovely
it is! See, over here in this corner
there's a bunch Of soldiers listening
to what's cooking for supper, and
over here is the smoke from the gun
that sets the SUM- like it,"
Then my wife grabbed the picture
out of my hands and burst into
speech.
why do you try to discourage my
EFFORTS to be artistic?" she volleyed
and Numbered. This is a picture of
The herald. [volume] (New Orleans, La.) 1905-1953, 1917-08-23

waitress was leaving and the cook
was telephoning for a policeman.
Where is Mrs. Henry?" l asked
Mary, the cook.
: "She is still developing" said Mary.
What has she developed" l in
Quired.
Up to the present time she has de-
veloped your uncle's temper and she
has developed your aunt's appetite,
and couple of bill collectors devel-
oped pain in the neck when she took
their pictures, and if things go on in
this way think this will soon develop
into a foolish house!" said Mary, the
cook.
A half hour later, while was hid
ing behind the pianola in the living
room, not daring to breathe above a
whisper, for fear would get my pic
ture taken again. friend wife rushed
The herald. [volume] (New Orleans, La.) 1905-1953, 1917-08-23

you holding Mrs. McIlvain's baby IN
your arms, and l think it's perfectly
lovely, even if the baby is the only IN
telligent thing in the picture
When the exercises were over IN
Quired casually: Where, my DEAR
where are the other 21,219 pictures
you snapped tOday?'
only these two came out good De-
cause, don't you see, I'm an amateur
yet" was her comeback.
Then she looked lovingly at the re-
suit Of her days work and began 70
peel some bicarbonate of magnesia
off her knuckles with the nut cracker.
only two out OF 21,219-I think you
ought to call 1t long shot instead OF
The herald. [volume] (New Orleans, La.) 1905-1953, 1917-08-23
RESTED WITH PAT
Lawyer Got Decidedly the Worst OF
Verbal Combat With Irish
Jockey.

An Irish jockey was called as wit
ness in a trial, and the opposing coun-
sci was doing all he could to invali-
date his testimony.
What are your he began in a
bullying tone.
Sure, I'm a jockey, same as my
father was before" was the reply.
All" said the barrister, thrusting
his hands into bis pockets and prepar.
ing tc enjoy himself hugely with the
witness, and l suppose your father
did little cheating in his time, like
the rest Of the fraternity"
"Troth, and l suppose he did now
an thin" was the quiet response.
And where do you suppose he is
now?"
in heaven, l hope, rest his soul"
And what should such fellows as
Jockeys do there, should like to
know" inquired the barrister, in a
voice Of thunder.
Paddy scratched his head. Then,
with sly grin, he replied
Train bosses for the angels, per-
haps."
And cheat them as they did their
fellow mortals?"
Maybe So" replied the jockey. still
unabashed.
"Ah! they would be prosecuted
then" exclaimed the barrister, tri-
umphantly.
"Sorra a Bit" answered the witness.
And why?"
Because they might search over
and over again, and no lawyer would
they find there"
The herald. [volume] (New Orleans, La.) 1905-1953, 1917-08-23
Influence of MOONLIGHT

Doctor Sadger of Vienna cites cases
of sOmnambulists who under the irr
fuence of moonlight are called to times
and scenes of active childish wishes
The moon calls them in deep sleep to
act out dream wishes" The Medical
Journal suggests that the key to Sleep
walking and other kindred disorders
of childhood and Late life may be found
IN mOOn-lore
The herald. [volume] (New Orleans, La.) 1905-1953, 1917-08-23
CHARTERS.

-.ii aprrlrer, and ne, Notary, after readin.
pf the whole.
Original Signed Jos Samuel resident
sam Goldman. Sccty-Ircas.
A. H. Ritter.
'''' ''''. !. NJ. 0UINTERO, Not. Pub.
I. the undersigned. Recorder Of Mortgages
in and :or the Parish OF Orleans, Staie %
louisiana, do hereby certify that the above
AMI flrcga.u- ameulmen; 20 act Of inc'r
na-a-;or, Of Sampc & de Latour. Inc. wa
.A,, day duly recorded in my office, in Boob
lllC. Folio 351.
New Orleans. August 18th, l9l7.
EMILE !. LEONARD. by. K.
". OCINTERO, Not. P1h.
Aug $50 sept t-lj2J-27.
The herald. [volume] (New Orleans, La.) 1905-1953, 1917-08-23
A Call for Assistance,

so you want me to come and re-
form Crimson Gulch?" said the per-
suasive speaker.
That amt exactly what we're aft
err replied Three Fingered Sam, after
a few words with the rest Of the COM
mittee. I'VE want you to come around
an whoop it up an tell us what a
rip-snortin, wicked community we are,
SOS to contradict the impression that
the old Gulch is dyin' on it's feet"
The herald. [volume] (New Orleans, La.) 1905-1953, 1917-08-23
Virtue,

II cannot praise a fugitive and
clustered virtue, unexercised and I'M
breathed, that never sallies OUT and
sees her adversary, but sinks out of
the race where that immortal garland
is to be run for, not without dust and
heat."-John Milton.
The herald. [volume] (New Orleans, La.) 1905-1953, 1917-08-23
CHARTERS.
AMENDMENT TO CHARTER

EAFDKI j., MbEE ''MI-NNi J. LII
I-...t State. ... A..,..... Stale oi louisiana,
i. 1'',- .. ,..- Us, lav oil ,c
lie ). N''".' ."'. .' ..- L
m,a." ~. - .. %. a ,.o a. and ,cvea.cca
one $780,. ... ,.....,..ir.'.e o.. The n.,c4
s'aca o.. '.,.,4. "1 @ un '-.'S. 81 oS ''r
iorty-sc, 3d. --S o' ' W s.',.I' rI
tef,' N..a.E A.. ., ~ ' Ig, Inv and tie
ana qua. -.' BE-. .,..,.,., r,.,.,.r.,. and IN
Iart'A .. .'.',"s' .'-. go, F.,1,- .,.-
i1e presence .'e mess ,-5..,,2., me
and apre led !. l.. D"".%'c.' 90. ', ~, ~
anu IL '' - S.....r~, o.; Ire
S.aaA"'R I'Nr'.. t'"'l '.' -. -. fine
The herald. [volume] (New Orleans, La.) 1905-1953, 1917-08-23

a snapshot" l whispered, after l had
lodged behind sofa.
She went out Of the room without
saying a word, and l took out my
pocketbook and looked at it wistfully.
Copyright, 1915. by the Mcclure Newspa-
per SyndicateD
The herald. [volume] (New Orleans, La.) 1905-1953, 1917-08-23
Sritish Roads Deterlorate.

In consequence of the depletion Of
labor and increased traffic in the NUM-
ton areas of England, road deterOria-
ton is becoming very pronounced and
there will be work for thousands of
returned soldiers after the war before
the surfaces will be returned to their
former states.
The herald. [volume] (New Orleans, La.) 1905-1953, 1917-08-23

Upon most modern farms may be
found interesting books, magazines
and the daily paper, where in the past
the ancient almanac and a few other
more or less uninteresting books were
at hand.
The herald. [volume] (New Orleans, La.) 1905-1953, 1917-08-23
For the Citx SeautifuI.

"Why did you give that awful-loOk-
ing tramp a dime?" "Oh, merely as
provement. He wanted it for carfare
TO the next town."
The herald. [volume] (New Orleans, La.) 1905-1953, 1917-08-23
The Phunny Physician.

A physician is man who tells you
you need change and then takes all
you have.-Boston Transcript.
The Seattle star. [volume] (Seattle, Wash.) 1899-1947, 1917-11-24
I'd hy thrcc hat,nllons.

ed by three batinlions
The position was an important
one. since 81 endangered the German
hold on Bourbon wood and the village
nearby. both OF which are on the
high ground. and afford a sweeping
Wow Of the country In all directions
Further gains around Cambria
were reported by Field Marshal Haig
today
lie announced successful opera.
tons" In the drive toward the city
around Bourbon wood. where. after
severe fighting. important dominat-
Ing ground" was carried by his
troops.
between Mowers and Queant an
important spur. forming an observa.
ton point over the Hindenburg line.
north and west. was captured" Haig
said
In tho neighborhood Of Bulle.
court further ground was captured
during the night
East Of Bourlon wood" the state.
ment continued. "and in the neigh.
borhood 81 Fontaine Notre Dame.
some progress was made astride the
Canal du Nord In tho ncighborhood
OF Mocuvres further progress was
achieved
More than a hundred German guns
have been captured since Tuesday.
Hnig reported This number. he
said. includes some heavy field pieces
up TO eight inches
The Seattle star. [volume] (Seattle, Wash.) 1899-1947, 1917-11-24
TOO WEAK
! TO FIGHT

The Come back" man was really
never down-and-out. His weak
ened condition because Of over
work. lack Of exercise. improper
eating and living. demands stimu-
shtion to satisfy the cry for a
health giving appetite and the re-
freshing sleep essential 70 strength.
GOLD MEDAL Haarlen oil Cap
sules. the National Remedy Of HoI-
land. will do the work. They are
wonderful Three OF these capsules
each day Will put man on His
feet before he knows IL whether
his trouble comes from uric acid
poisoning, the kidneys. gravel or
stone In the bladder. stomach de-
rangement or other ailments that
befall the Over-zealOus American.
Don't wait until you are entirely
down-and-out, but take them today.
Your druggist viii gladly refund
your money II they do not help you.
Accept no substitutes. Look for N .
name GOLD MEDAL on every box.
three sizes. They are the pure. or
iRinal. Imported Haariem OIL Cap
Fules.
The Seattle star. [volume] (Seattle, Wash.) 1899-1947, 1917-11-24
TROTSKY BITTER
AGAINST U. S.

~ rutfes Press Leased Wtfe
LONDON. Nov. .t.--Isitt~r
dsnuneiation Of the nit.d
States. which once sheltered him
a. refugee from the cars
vengeance. wa. included In .
speech which Leon Trotsky. ma
tionaI commissioner for foreign
affairs under the Hol.hrsiki gov.
srnment. made 10 the Soviet on
"Wednesday. Tho quotations
werr received herr today.
After outlining the Bolsheyiki
plans for international peace. Trot
sky said
America. who entered tho war "a
promote her own financial intercs,
b. aiding In tho complete exhaustion
of Europe probably viii be more
willing 20 consider the Russian pro.
poaala than any others Her rulers
will realize that the peace decree Is
not a mere party proclamation"
Dispatches from Denmark today
declared frairrnlEing between Rus
slams and Germans and Austrians
was practically complete along tho
whole ~ the Russian front
Al semhianco % fighting has
ceased.
The Seattle star. [volume] (Seattle, Wash.) 1899-1947, 1917-11-24
SULzER TO USE SHIP

Territorial Delegate Charles A. Sui
ger. OF Alaska. was on the the ship.
wrecked victims Of tho steamer Mar.
Iposa. which sank recently.
IIc Is on route TO Washington, II.
c. and will use this wreck as one OF
HIS arguments before congress for
the establishment OF more buoy
lights and other aids OF navigation.
lie plans to have congress consent
to the dredging of n channel thru
Wrangell narrows.
The Seattle star. [volume] (Seattle, Wash.) 1899-1947, 1917-11-24
STOMACH UPSET?
Get at the Real Cause-Take
DIR. Edwards Olive Tablets

That's what thousands of stomach
sufferers are doing now. Instead of
taking tonics. or trying to patch up a
poor digestion. they are attacking the
real cause Of the ailment - clogged
liver and disordered bowels.
DIR. Edwards Olive Tablets arouse
the liver In soothing. healing way.
When the liver and bowels are per
forming their natural functions, away
goes indigestion and stomach troubles.
II you have a bad taste In your
mouth, tongue coated, appetite poor,
lazy. don't-carc feeling, no ambition or
energy. troubled with undigested foods,
you should take Olive Tablets, the
substitute for calomel.
DIR. Edwards Olive Tablets are q
purely vegetable compound mixed with
olive oil. You will know them by their
olive color. They do the work without
gripping. cramps or pain.
Take one or two at bedtime for quick
relief. 20 you can eat what you like.
at loc and 25c per box. All druggists.
The Seattle star. [volume] (Seattle, Wash.) 1899-1947, 1917-11-24
TROTSKY'S PLAN
DENOUNCED AS
REASONABLE

Nv unifcd Press fcasrd Wire
rErROcRtD. Nov q. via
London. Nov. si.--i.~on Trostky,
foreign minister Of tho Bolsh~
Viii government. prepared 10
make good today on his threat
Ia reveal all secret diplo-
matte correspondence la Russian
archives,
A storm Of diaapprovni has been
raised hy bis announcement 81 the
forthcoming publication 81 these doe
umentn IN roishrviki newspapers
Tho Novayazhikn denounced tho
move N "the work 81 iunatica.
which Ian only bring calamity TO
Russia"
other conservative newspapers
openly asaau Trotahy's actions as
constituting high treason.
Allied ambassadors held a confer
ence today and thereafter asked
their respective governments for IN
strurtlons regarding the HoiHheyiki
- acc prnffcrr II was pointed out
that such an offer violates The
treaty - London b which all tho
allies pledged 90 continue the war un.
tti common agreement was reached
60 discontinue H.
Trotsky announced today tina, tho
flrrt chapter % his revelation
would include treaties relating TO
IA. pafdan~lie.. and tho dispatches
OF former Foreign Minister Trfe
Hchsnko 9pf tho korcnsky cabinet
relating thereto
=, ls semi officially announced that
determination has becn started again
between Russian and enemy troops.
particularly on the west and south
west fronts