The Daily Missoulian. [volume] (Missoula, Mont.) 1904-1961, 1917-12-06
Camp Comedies,
BY Alma Woodward.
HIS EARLY TRAINING.

Scene: Camp Lewis. Time; Morn
ing
| "a grzzlcd British colonel, with
steel blue eyes and rudy cheek, sert
over by his government to instruct
our boys i'm bayonet work. is address,
| ing n small class of officers. in tie
open Among them. there is one.
| rather paler than the rest. win
nervous, rowing eye and hungry
| look,
Colonel (szing up his rnpiis)-Ns
| going TO be Il new game 10 you boys
! this bayonetine-and not one 70
| faWncy. at best. but YOU must se'
| the Hun with II knife-we know
! we've been at it hard for three years
and we've learned our bitter lesson
| Young man If YOU cant keep your
| ives il. one place for a longer period
| than ,hat, YOU viii be run through
sir, by the first Fritz you encounter.
\ (startled) Does he mean me?
| T. tsotto voce)-Eo. he means Lieut..
| Jones. | always noticed that guy had
| = syncopated shake to his lamps, es-
| prci;,ly at chow. Nice boy, though. |
wonder what he's eot-St. Nitus, o.
| what.
i ,.rom corner of his mouth)-lis
| couldn't "et in the army with that.
Its fierce to get II bawling out like
that isn't it?
Col. tsternly -Remember-the first
thing OF Importance about a bayonet
is TO spear your adversary the
air The second is the speed with
which YOU withdraw your bayonet and
| find your second mark. Pom me hon
or. Young chap. you asitate my nerves.
| You'll never learn to operate a bay
! onet--you'rc entirely TO wohbly--en-
trely,
| Can eyes were focused on the un-
fortunate Lieutenant Jones. who looks
as though he'd welcome a trench. Il
| Hun or a flock of shra pnel with open
arms at the momentD
/ Colonel Coming down to caSeS)-
These two lines of dummies are your
| Huns. At signal you are to jump
the trench. bayonet the first man, fall
on your face, arise, get over the hill
! lock- bayonet your second man-then
turn quickly and repeat the operation
on your way back. The man who
makes record time on the first go
shall be on my staff OF instructors
during my stay in camp.
a Whispering to B)-Look at poor
! Jones' He's on the verge of throwing
Il fit. A mans at Il terrible disad-
vantage when you get him all nervous
just before test. Watll you see.
He's going to get the call-down of his
life after this trial practice. It's lucky
it's no, something he can be shunted
to the guard house for.
b lSeeing the colonelS fiery eye
travelling their way)-Shut up. or
You'll get something you don't expect,
The old boys got ears.
Colonel (holding M his hand)-We
don't repeat orders. When this shot
| is fired remember only one thng-that
the live and let live" proverb has
been 6'lterated by scarlet blood
thai YOU are facing the worst enemy
yon will ever meet--that the fairy
wand that viii bring this war to an
end is-the bayonet. tRangD
tThere is wild coniusion-much dust
"a melange of khaki, -fiendish yells
of football flavor. and n fading of fig
ures into the landscape. The colone
follows the practice scrimmage with &
powerful glass;
Colonel tsoliloquizing)-Wel poi
me word-dash me if it's motifs 3
blooming mystery-the lads OF
springs blow it all, he's coming
back
officer (standng beside hm)-
Colonel turning purple in the face
I've just had the wits of me knocked
endwise. captain! That boy-the la'
with the wobbiy eyes-got his MAJ
square in the stomach every time-ant
is back "A good ten lengths ahead.
; Iieutenant Jones arrives at hi
= original spot and stands at attention
, The others follow way in the rear
and GREATNESS. They stare in amaze
ment when they see Jones in ahea
OF them)
} Colonel (walking up to Jones)-Te
. me. me lad, where did YOU get YOU
+, early training Are You perhaps
;, soldier of fortune"
Jones Cquakingl-No, sir.
= Colonel Quitting Il hand on hi
t shoulder)-Speak up! Don't be afraie
2 Your spearing work was magnificen
r -damme if it was not. Where di'
YOU learn to spear? Where have yo'
lived?
+ Jones teagcrly)--In a boardin
= house, sir--they picked on me TO
years because | was mild and ! go
). dished on the potatoes each meal I
| | got onto the trick of spearing 'er
-, from other plates when they We're i
earnest conversation.
L Colonel (curiously)- but tn
| venom--the abandon you use--the-
= Jones tgrinninY viciously)-Yes,s 81
: it was Il German boarding hous
sir