davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The herald., 1917-08-02

1OU LII look real close you'll mt
i Splashbvrg on a map of the middl
West.
It's a railroad junction where care
less travellers change cars and wal
for the other train, which is always
late.
A week ago l happened to be one
OF those careless travellers, marooned
IN Splashburg, and having a wicked
hour or two TO kill | strolled over to
the Commercial House.
Steb Stephens is the name OF the
head clerk at the Commercial House
IN Splashburg. Steb has been throw.
/ ing keys at the wall for a long time
and he knows how to burn the beef
ers.
He played the Big Time once Yes.
years ago he was a bell hop at the
old Willard in Washington and after
that he jumped to Chicago as night
porter at the old Sherman House; so
what Step doesn't know about the ho-
tel business isn't worth whimpering
over.
Steb gave me a brief outline of his
life's history and was Just starting
IN to tell me about the battle of the
Civil War in which his father was
shot and who shot him when a fever
ish old party with Persian rug trim
mings on the end Of his chin squeezed
up and began to let a peep out Of him
about the pie he had eaten for din
ner.
Calm yourself" said Smiling Steb, |
and tell me where it bit you"
Bit me! Bit mel" snarled the Old |
Party with the tapestry chinpiece.
Nothing Of the kind. sir! l want you |
to know, sir, that your pie wasn't fit
to eat, sir"
Cut 1t OUT" suggested Steb.
Cut 1t out, sir, How can / cut II |
out when I've eaten It, sir? It's an
outrage, and l shall leave this hotel
tomorrow" said Omar Khayyam.
With the exception of s31.72, bal
ance due, that will be about all from
you" said Steb.
III see the proprietor" said the Old
Party, moving away with a face on
him like four dollars in bad money.
We get it good and plenty every
day. said Steb. and just then some
thing about six feet tall, wearing a
SLOUGH hat and a gilt mustache, fell
against the counter, grabbed the regis
'er and buried a stub pen In its pages. {
After looking over the result, de-
'ided the strangers first name must ,
70 Spider. because 1t loked like one
N the register II
Bath" Queried Steb
only during a hot wave" said /
Spider. 6
Going to be with us long?" inquired t
'teb.
Say, Bub, you're wearing medals O
The herald., 1917-08-02

Tor asking questions, now amt you?
answered Spider. You just push m,
Into stall and lock the gate. In
tired"
Front! Show this gentleman to
4s!" said Steb. sidestepping to avoid
punishment.
Then Sweet William, the Bow
Drummer. hoped into the ring for
the next round.
Willie peddles pickles for the fun he
gets out Of It.
1t is Willie's Joy and delight to get
singer-ale bun on and recite "Ostler
joe"
When trained down to IS fiat, Willie
can get up and beat the clapper of
"Curfew Shall Not Ring Tonight"
ANY mail?" inquired Willie.
All the mail that Willie ever gets is
postal card from the pickle factory
every two weeks asking him IL the
people along his route have all lost
their appetites.
NO literature for you." steb an.
swered.
Strange" said Willie. my lady
friends are very remiss, aren't they?"
Yes; it looks like they were out 70
drop you behind the piano." said
Steb.
Willie tore OF short rabbit laugh
and then inquired what time the next
train left for New York.
The pickle factory expects Willie to
make Pocomoke City, squashtown
junction and Nubbinsville before next
Sunday. SO he tossed the train gag
out Just to show Steb that he knows
there's a place called New York
The herald., 1917-08-02

Mike and butted in with: SAY Won \.
the fat cuss that cut I'D Win An,
troupe at the Op'ry House last Min
been't your"
mo, I'm the skeleton man WITH
circus, Mike answered, and the IA,
tender roared with delight
i was at the Op'ry House l,r
night" Jabe informed them. "sDd
most laughed myself sick TO d,
stomach at this yere fat cuss tskin d.
that Dutch policeman-ha, ha, Ia, hs'
Jabe looked at the Juvenile "Yr
was putty good, too" he admitted
takin' of that newspaper repCrg
and rescuin' the girl from the buruh'
STRUCTURE, but you didn't do no iunr
fall and bust your galluses like thlsi,t
cuss-ha. ha, ha, ha!"
Get him to unlock the laugh; hsI
a good steady listener" Whispered Tie
Juvenile, and Mike started In.
Fine town this" Mike began. an
the modern improvements, Ell! Cows
wear nickel-plated bells, streets paved
with grass, and the river has running
water"
"Ha, ha. ha, ha!" Jabe roared.
Reminds me of a place we str,f
out in Missouri last winter" Nls
went on. Same style of public arch
lecture, especially the town pump. Bui
the hotel there was the hit with Us. i
was called the Declaration Of lnte
pendence because the proprietor hst
married an Englishwoman and wanted
to be revenged. At supper time Or
dered a steak, and they brought mel
leather hinge covered with gravy %
l got up to add an amendment To ne
Declaration of Independence. ISs
head waiter was an ex-pugilist 80 D.
put the boots to me and covered o!
amendment with bruises. Then Dc
made me eat the leather hinge andin
two weeks l felt like q garden saR
and l used to slam every time ne
wind blew"
Jabe's laugh shook the building
"The proprietor of that hotel was %
patriotic" Mike continued, thai De
wouldn't number the rooms Ike "
ordinary hotel. Every room va
famed in honor OF President Of n'
United States. That evening ins'
happened to be a rush while ] y"
landing near the desk. and ] hear
he clerk say: Front, show these pI
lemen up to John Quincy Adams no
ell the porter to take that trunk O''
Z the alcove in Thomas Jeners0A
'ront. go and put down that SinaO'
l Rutherford B. Hayes, and, nsiS
AXE this whisky up to Abraham lS
DIN. Front, what's all that racEeII
ames Buchanan? Here, take 'n'
Igars to U. S. Grant, and turn "
lie gas in Teddy Roosevelt Su'
early tainted when he said. FIVE,
IN a sofa into James A. Garfield. ~
Ike this lady up to George Wasnns
n >"
When quit them to take my 'is.
ike had worn finger marks Oh ~
de OF the black bottle and JADE -
gned a verbal contract to go Cd w.
age as the Juveniles dresser.
All Of which goes to prove u
,lashburg isn't so bad provided 20.
mt have TO wait very long w
ain out
The herald., 1917-08-02
SEEING LIFE U1M
rfpGa JOHN HENRY
HESlA4GeO1JeXHobart
E1XVlA}tI John Henry and the Troupers
John Henry and the Troupers

AT AS over the D. L. & O." sais
2 Steb
What's next?" inquired Willie.
AT $40 over the II. B. & N" Steb
answered.
Which gets there frst?" Willie
asked
The engineer" sighed Steb.
"Oh, you droll chap" said the pickle
pusher; give me some toothpicks."
Then Sweet William went over b.
the big window, burrowed into a
chair, stuck his feet up on the brass
rail. ate toothpicks and thought he
was 1T.
When l got back to Steb he was
dealing out the cards to a lady from
Reading. Pa.
Her husband had been up in the air
with bum automobile. and when he
came down he was several sections
shy.
She was travelling for his health.
My room is Immediately over the
kitchen" she informed Steb.
The cook hasn't made kick up to
now" Steb went back at her.
She started a get-back, but her IN
dignation choked her so she gave Steb
the Society sting with both eyes and
flOunced out.
Steb bit the end off penholder and
said the rest internally.
Just then a couple Of troopers
trailed in.
They were with the Bandits Bride
Co" and the way had been long and
weary.
What have you got-double?"
asked the villain Of the piece.
Two dollars and up" said Steb.
Nothing better" inquired Low
Comedy. He was making a crack, but
nobody caught him.
-Four dollars, with bath" Steb sug.
gested
"Bcard?" asked the villain.
Nothing but the sleeps and fresh
cake Of soap" said Steb.
Ring down." Low Comedy put in.
Why, We lived a whole week in Pitts
burg for less than that"
You can turn the same trick here
II you carry your own cake and sleep
n the Park" said Steb.
What's the name of this mint"
asked the villain.
Steb told him.
followed the two troopers out to I
he dinky barroom. because it looked
Ioout eight to one they'd pull a few
and I'd get few CUFFS. {
The woods for ours! Isn't this a [
'ird OF a place for a show to get
tranded?" groaned the Low Comic, as r
e gave the Reub bartender the high :
ign, and the latter pushed forward s
wo glasses and black bottle. :
Il tell you, Mike" the Juvenile went ]
n. I'm too delicate for this one-night y
The herald., 1917-08-02

j j.@r C 30 @no"' Eight wes S Fiats
'@'5 . .t.s three shows Sst' d.
c ana S. .,I, a thousand mi MIL 70 L, \
I RAJ. e.. III. I'll. lake about sss s Nix Il
us 10 Jersey City. Ara d, snoT' Il
N.a~ laughed IT'S ! you ass i
ny NY boz; were a sad 5' b }ns Old 4,
boys on this old farm Of iI a q q
. .e,i poke. I've got a ns, i
"@'n l couldn't sIeaD W last u
Knock and the Worlt Its ~
You and III put you jer %a1en
no" before it gets cold dry SsJ
Knock. ana the world b.
Boost and you boost sIoI With ,,
When you roast good ar @.One' "
iI ~ WI" ind that the crow ,Usd
- as y0a' unI
BY, and the gang IS wit,
Ecr'S. and The gans.s .n you;
E.2T ,na lad with the Ia, al Of; al
VIII See You first ''''S
.
II you don't proceed to eo,,,,
BE T'oh and he push will u
y" poor and theyu ma. pIass ~
9n.T' a warm young g9v Da' i's
When you start 10 bBv'
You're a slob when Won ,o,
Re flush and your friend.
"a, 60 O, broke and they'll saw 1 ~ nay
" bile your bank account -, "a Ia
You will get return, Oufhs
When It's out You will pat,
Re gay and the mob will c,.
They'll shout while yo, r4eef yoc
dures. 'Oug VeGa
show a fearful lamp
AR An5 you GU u see see them tramp
'''' II 'a'A to the woods for w..
htre.s always bunch ~ ~.
" ME at your money thew Sl,. yS
SUI youN find them all POM sAacs,
IN that cold gray daw,
" men the fringe arrives on yo., -,
you've got the game O, ~.
o a showdown" was me j nv 'as
comment. 'sQsI
Al this point Jabe, the Revb \.
ehder pointed a freckled srs..
The herald., 1917-08-02
a Lost Range Of Mountains

a great range of mountains once ex-
Iehded from the eastern end Of Lake
superior southwest to beyond the Mis-.
souri, river. In places they wern -
mile nigh. Weather and volcanic ac-
uon wore them down. the sea covered
them and today they are prairie.
The herald., 1917-08-02
The Modern Rahv

Now an oculist has discovered that
baby's white raiment Injuries his vi
sion. They've taken away his cradle
ana his old-time remedies and his
fairy stories, and now they want to
plhch his snowy pinafore.-Ceveland
Plain Dealer.
The herald., 1917-08-02
The Ronehead Contest.

Ny entry for the bonehead e1a ,Ss
ionShip is the young gent VINO Nv. ~
the drug store phone for ~ nin. NM" n
yelling sweet nothings into the CO. N
his lady love. while II regular
are waiting 10 use the instrulne"'
New York Evening Mail.
The herald., 1917-08-02
The ONLY Chance

Mrs. Johnson-'How does yo' feel
dis mawnin', JOe" Mr.. Johnson
feels bad-mighty bad! | wish dat
providence would have mussy on me
an take me-" Mrs. Johnson-'How
can you expec' it to eff you won't take
de doctors medicine?'-Puck.
The herald., 1917-08-02
Bible Silent on EcIinses

No historical account of an ecIinse
OF the sun occurs in the Bible. but
mere are passages in the prophets
which contain manifest allusion TO this
phenomenon.
The herald., 1917-08-02
Harder 70 Find

brains are a common commoditr =,
"That 500" "Yes. What I'm aIwoys
looking for is man who knows how
to use his brains."-Detroit Free
Press.
The herald., 1917-08-02
How 10 Be Miserable.

IF you want 10 be miserable -,
about yourself and what people t"D'
If you. "-EXchange
The herald., 1917-08-02
-IND0W CLEANING.

-INDoW CLEANING.
Done by experts. Algiers and
AN/ viclnity orders solicited and
handled promptly and efici.
emily. Make arrangements with
over. e0"''e
NATIONAL WINDOW CLEANING co.
322 Royal ST. Main oss7
The herald., 1917-08-02

DtNLAP'S MULTIGRAPH LETTER SHOP
4Ol Title Guarantee Bldg. Phone Main sy
The herald., 1917-08-02
Y ACHTS AND BOATS
d back comes your work

- lP-and back comes your work.
u AUTOGRAPHED letters that defv detec.
t2n-addresslng, filling in, machine
ioId.ng. Shorthand and Typewriting,
copying a speciality. We deliver to
AIg,erS, Gretna and other points.
The herald., 1917-08-02

IF YOU'LL look real close you'll find
4 SplashbGrg on a map of the middle
The day book., 1917-04-04
THE WRONG sETTING

Doris father raised chickens, and
Doris understood all about setting
hens. One day she was taken to see
the new litter of puppies. They were
curly black balls cuddled down be-
side a smooth tan mother. %.
Are those really Emmy LOUIS pup
pies?" Doris asked.
Yes, dear" she was told.
"WeIl, then" she remarked in a
disgusted tone, "she couldn't have
sat on her own eggs" - Ladies
Home Journal
The day book., 1917-04-04
AMT NATURE WONDERFUL
Kissing.

tNiSS'li
Oh heel hee! We blush. This is
so silly. They say it's unhealthy.
Sometimes it is, when her old man
catches you. Kissing has a lot to do
with girls not being able to whistle,
because when they get their lips set
to practice whistling, the fellas mis-
understand their motive.
Some people like to kiss babies, but
they are taking advantage of the
baby. The bone Of the baby's nose
is so soft, kissing might push it out
of shape. If it is a boy baby it's all
right, but if it's a girl baby its better
to wait until she is Is or so, as the
bone in the nose is much firmer then.
You can't analyze a kiss, but it's
something like your foot is asleep all
over and it kind of tickles and you
forget hom to breathe for a minute
or two.
Wives kiss their husbands when
leaving for work and upon return
ing. When leaving, matter of habit
and upon returning, to find out if he
came straight home or stopped off
with the boys for a while.
Science says a second is long
enough for kiss Society says five
seconds. Movie kisses, ten feet of
film, and we say ten minutes, then
come up for air, then ten minutes
more.
This is good for Strengthening the
lungs. That's the only reason we do
it. Oh yeh!
The day book., 1917-04-04
-O-O
GONE, NOT FORGOTTEN

During the lighting a Highlander
had the misfortune to get his head
blown off.
A comrade communicated the sad
news to another gallant Scot, who
asked, anxiously:
where's his head? He was smok-
ing my pipe. "-Tit-Bits.
Arizona republican., 1917-08-12
MARNON FAR
 DES|GNEDFOR CLOSED EDDY

Scientific design devised a chassis in the Marmon 34 that permits closed bodies on the 136 inch wheelbase that are only six feet seven and one-half inches in height overall" Maurice O'Neill of the ONeill Auto company
 Marmon closed bodies possess in ac- tual dimensions the length and low ness of lines that coach builders al ways have sought to express by de- sign and they also embody all the highest refinements of the coach build CTS art. The Marmon chassis is so light and it's construction permits the elimination of so much weight in the hodies that closed cars weigh only from $500 to 1000 pounds. The dis tribution of this weight approaches theoretically perfect balance.
 This lOWness, lightness, balance, and a powerful flexible motor give Marmep closed cars grace of line, remarkable ease of riding, safety and sureness in driving, and unusual economy in operation. Utility cars in every sense of the word they also embody refine ments in detail meeting al. the de- mands of a luxury.
 Complete departure from conven tional design that involves totally new style of frame, and the use of aluminium to an extent not before at tempted produced the Marmon 34 chassis. Two years of extensive use have not only established the conserv- atism of this new design, but has caused the MarmOn to exert a style, and influence in motor car construc tion."
Arizona republican., 1917-08-12
MAXWELL CAR BREAKS CANADIAN
 RECORD IN DIFFICULT CONTEST

that I have ever experienced" wired the road engineer to the Maxwell com pany.
 The trip from Windsor to Toronto was better by two hours than the un- official record
 So well had the Maxwell car per formed that McNamara and the two passengers carried with him were com pelled to wait for the newspaper men and Maxwell dealer to appear on the ground The trail blazer arrived in Toronto sixteen minutes ahead of schedule time.
 The record breaking time of the Maxwell was accomplished although time was lost on two occasions by tires being changed and dirt getting in the gasoline. line, which was cleaned three times.
 In the first hour of travel after leav- ing Windsor the night of July 26 the
 (Continued on Page TWelvcA
Arizona republican., 1917-08-12

The possibility of a motor car being used as a bearer of important war dis patches has hcen demonstrated in Can ada by Ray McNamara, road engineer for the Maxwell Motor company, Inc, of Detroit while he was using a Max well touring car to blaze a path for Canadian motorists, According to a communication received by Rabbit Poison company, Maxwell agents on North Cential.
 McNamara established a record with out a parallel in the history of Cana dian motordom He covered the 275 miles from Windsor to Toronto in six hours and fifty minutes of actuaI rur,- ming time. The elapsed time was seven hours and forty four minutes.
 Heavy rains over seventy miles of the course made the roads nearly i'm passable. Traveling of any kind was difficult
 Putting things mildly this trip was about the nearest thing to aeroplaning
Arizona republican., 1917-08-12
VATICAN CHANGES
 ARE NOW HUNDRED
TRepublican A. p. Leased Wirel

NEW YORK, Aug. IA cable mes sage from Paris received Dy the official French bureau of information in this city and made public tonight, indicates that Monsignor Frederick Tedeschini. who has been under-secretary of state of the Vatican, has succeeded Cardinal Gasparri as Pope Benedict's prime minister Previous dispatches from Rome credited many Italian news papers and some authorities on Vatican affairs" as affirming that Cardinal Gasparri had resigned, partly because of ill health and partly because of the Pope's desire to institute a new policy in relation to Germany
 The semi official Vatican organ flatly denied however, that the cardinal had retired
Arizona republican., 1917-08-12
GOODYEAR CO. : '
 GIVE REPAIR Y
 TIRE POINTS

A very satisfactory tire paint for fin ishing the inside of tire after re- pairing may be made. by mixing thor oughly one gallon gasoline, one half pint C-35 cement, 1 12 pounds soap stone and one-half pound whiting Many successful repairmen are using this formula with the best of results. according to D. w. Sanford, manager of the local Goodyear branch.
 It is so comparatively easy to pre- serve the tread design in vulcanizing repairs made on tires with non skid treads, that the wonder is that any repairman should fail to do so. A tread pattern is inexpensive and easily made. First, cut a ply of L. F. 52 fla
 (COntinued on Page TWelVe)
Arizona republican., 1917-08-12
BUSINESS IF
 OVERLAND |S
 IN B|C BOON|

This is a big day in the affairs of the Willys- Overland Inc Figures just co-. piled in the retail sales department of that institution reveal another monthly retail sales record in that the July retail sales amounted to $13,611, 775, an, increase of two and one-half million dollars over the companys pre- vious high record which was estab- lished in June of this year, according to information received by H. II. Hotchk.ss, manager of the Overland
 ..tzrl.,. z. rlpauy, 227 North Central
 July, therefore, was the biggest month, from the standpoint of retail sales in all the history of Willy ys Over land, Ire. The record. coming as it
Arizona republican., 1917-08-12

(Continued on Pa ge Twelve)
Arizona republican., 1917-08-12

Continued on Page Twelve)
The Oklahoma City times. [volume] (Oklahoma City, Okla.) 1908-1984, 1917-12-11
How Thin People May
Put On Flesh
oHsAr DISCOVERY ~ EMINENT
sPEclALisT

Judging from the countless prepara-
tons and treatments which are contln-
ually being advertised for the purpose OF
making thin people fleshy, developing the
arms, neck and bust. and replacing ugly
hollows and angles by the soft curved
lines OF health and beauty. there are evil
IDENTITY thousands OF men and women who
keenIy feel their excessive thinness, and
II therefore Is a real pleasure to publish
herewith a simple prescription which. by
correcting faulty metabolism and stimu-
lating the activity OF certain sluggish
vital prmns, quickly produces marvel
Jous Transformation In the appearance,
The increase In weight frequently being
astonishing. This increase In weight also
carries with II a general improvement In
tho health. Nervousness, Hleeplessness
and lack Of energy which nearly always
accompany excessive thlnness, all quickly
disappear, dull eyes become bright, and
pale cheeks glow with the bloom Of per
feet health.
The prescription, which n absolutely
harmless, directs you to taka before each
meal n b-grain tablet OF Bitro- Phosphate 10,
such nH you may obtain from Crosby
Drug Co, X. ". Patterson, Roach Drug
Co, r. NJ Scott, Weaver Drug Co, West
fall Drug Co, and all Other first class
druggists at n trtfflins cost. Eat all YOU
want. hut chew your food thoroughly.
Cautlon;--Althouth tho above pr.scr,p
tlon IL unsurpassed for relieving nervous
ness. slesplssaness and general weakness II
| should not, OWING 10 its remarkable flesh
sro~lng properties, be used by anyone wht
does not desire TO put on flesh.--Adv
The Oklahoma City times. [volume] (Oklahoma City, Okla.) 1908-1984, 1917-12-11
AFTER EXPOSURE
GET THIS RELIEF
Use Sloan's Liniment TO prevent
aches and pains from weather
Exposure.

You, who are out in all kinds OF
weather Never let your cold, wet
work lay you up with Rheumatism or
Cramped Muscles. Apply Sloan's Lmi.
ment to those sore joints or muscles
stiff neck, lumbaso, neuralgie twinges
Yes, and to sprains, bruises, toothache
or any hurt Its warming, easing
comfort, will penetrate an inilamed
Joint soothc strained muscles or irri-
tated nerves and stop the pain at once
Sl6ans' linpent requires no rubbing
to get immediate results, Is much NET
ter than salves or plasters, as its clear,
clean liquid is neater and easier to ap-
ply It's success in saving suffering
for others proves Il will stop your
aches. Generous size bottles at drug
giss everywhere. 2Sc, Soc, 500.
The Oklahoma City times. [volume] (Oklahoma City, Okla.) 1908-1984, 1917-12-11
TO Be HAPPIEST
XMAS IN,YEARS
TOHIM,HE SAYS
Williams Says He Suffered
Since a Child-Tsnlsc
Brings Relief.

Ever since | was child" said
leonard Williams, who lives at lOOo
Texas avenue, III Paso, Texas, recent
", II have suffered from painful, dis
ordered kidneys. My parents spent
hundreds of dollars. while was grow
ing up, trying TO get relief for me, and
since that time ] have added many
more dollars to the sum- but nothing
ever helped me to speak Of until ] be
gan using Tanlac,
n suffered constantly with pain in
the region OF my kidneys and was dis
turbed so often at nigh, ! could hardly
sleep. Then about a year ago ! lost
my appetite and my stomach got so out
OF fix that | couldn't eat anything but
what caused gas, bloating and pain
MY nerves were all shattered and |
was so miserable | could never get\ a
GOOD nirht's rest II Just looked Ike
was destined to be a sufferer all my
DAYS
"One day a friend OF mine told me
about getting relief from stomach
trouble and indigestion by taking Tan
lac 10 ] got me bottle and inside
Of week | noticed a considerable inn
proyemcnt have taner four bot''-S
now and have gained fifteen pounds
and consider myself we'll man I
sleep well every night and eat any.
thing set before me bat. what pleases
me most is the wonderful Improvement
in my kidneys They never bother IN,
at aR now and the pain has left m,
back entirely ! can look forward Il
the haopiesN Christmas | have had IL
years because my health is better, ant
! owe II all to Tanlac. | am glad /,
have the opportunity to express my an
probation OF Tanlae in this publ,
statement, which I hope will caus
others 10 find relief"
Tanlao is sold IN Oklahoma City ex
elusiyely by We'tsll Drug Co.--Adv.
The Oklahoma City times. [volume] (Oklahoma City, Okla.) 1908-1984, 1917-12-11

Cures Colds In Mexico.
LAXATIVE BROMO QUlNlNE tab
lets remove the cause. +. w. GROVES
signature on box. Dc.--Ady