East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1917-08-10

Private ''Rattlesnake Pete" OF
Troop ID. who has distinguished him.
self already as a fighter and as vo-
cabuiary expert, believes in preparing
the kaiser for what is to happen.
Therefore. instead of devot.ng his lit
erary talents to a farewell oration to
Pendleton he has employed them to
indite a letter to the imperial ruler
of the Germans. He has kindly fur
nished a copy of his epistle 10 the
East Oregonian. Here it is:
Pendleton, ore, Aug. 10, 1917
Keiser Wilhelm Der Gross,
Ruler of all the Heinies, the Kings
Palace Berlin, Germany.
Dear Keiser Bill:
On this momentuous occasion it be
hooves me to take you into my CON
fidence. for the reason that note
that you are attempting to condole
your subjects into the belief that the
entree of Uncle Sam into this strug-
gle of which you are the chief insti-
gator, is not of serious moment
want you to know that l have your
interest at heart, and hence am tax
ing the liberty of writing You at this
time.
In the first place. l want you to
realize the fact that once Uncle sam
is aroused there is little likelihood OF
him quitting until his end will have
been accomplished. Why, Bill. as a
matter of fact it could not be other
wise. Uncle sam always has been in
the right, and even though YOU may
attempt to put on a bold front and
pretend that you are in the right this
time. away down in the bottom Of
your heart you know better. And al
though your cause may prevail for
a time. as our old friend Abraham
Lincoln once remarked, You can
time, and you can fool all of the peo-
pie some of the time, but you cant
fool all of the people all of the
time"
No doubt you understand by this
time that while it was possible in the
past to lead the people into the be-
lief that Monarchies are all right, and
that the King was the Divinely ap-
pointed of God, YOU have am sure
become to feel as do all other pro-
gressive people that civilization is too
far advanced now to hoodwing the
people into a belief of this kind much
longer. True it is that Monarchies
are all right. provided the head OF
the house proves to be the right sort
of fellow, but you know, Bill, that
there has only been about one out of
every dozen who has proven to be
the right sort of a fellow. Take
your own kinsmen of the House If
Hohenzollern as an example: Freder-
ick the Great. of course, was very
able leader, but my dear Bill, just
take a look at his successor, William
the Fat He was a joke and you will
have to admit it And too, just
look at that son OF yours. He
couldn't lead a horse to drink, let
alone a nation successfully. Yet you
have the audacity to attempt to con-
uuer the world, and then after You
are gone, pass the whole cheese over
to him as your successor. Seriously,
Bill, you don't think Uncle Sam
would stand for that do you? And
so it is 1 could go on indefinitely
calling these instances to your atten-
ton, but it is really unnecessary for
me to do So we all know that your
whole idea of government is joke
You overlooked one or two things
when you insisted on Uncle Sam get
ting into this struggle. For instance
you forgot that he has more resources
than you and your allied cohorts put
together. and you know that you
can't kid yourself into the belief
that the matter of resources is no.
an important item. and then too, you
must have forgotten that he mas
about 10 million of the best fighter
in the world. oh. yes, know tha'
thev are not prepared to deal you
knockout blow right off the bat, but
Just let me remind you that since
Uncle sam has the resources, and the
inclination to get these men prepared
TO fight you may rely on it that II
won't take long now that the ful
has been rubbed the wrong way.
You see the crux to the whole SIT