Catoctin clarion., 1917-04-05
ALL CLOCKS FAULT
UNCLE HI NOT TO BE BLAMED
FOR THE TROUBLE.
His Housewarming System Was All
Right, but. Hard Luck Took q
Hand in the Game and Re-
suits Were Disastrous.

$50 your Uncle Hiram Peabody was
here while your husband was travel
ing, and his wife was nursing her
grandchildren" said Mrs. Green, set
tliDg herself for chat. IL expect he
enjoyed his visit?"
Most Of the time" answered Mrs.
Biddle. "Ile was as pleased as n boy
to get here, and for IL while he talked
as If he'd like to live in town, where
there We're so many clever inventions
to look at. He's quite an inventor him
self, YOU know, and has all sorts of
autOmatlr arrangements in his house
and barn. Even here he rigged a track
down cellar to run the coal and ashes
back and forth, and fixed the clothes
lines Il new way the first week, and
was kind Of vcXed because didn't care
for trapdoor in the kitchen and Il
dumb-wailer to the cellar.
"Then he went into Il brown study
over soEl"thing, and took to staying
down cellar most of the time. One day
l missed an old alarm clock from
Henry's den, the meat grinder, a spring
from the laundry door, the can opener
and the hinges from the salt box. Just
then Uncle Hiram ran up the cellar
stairs, all muSSCd and sOOty, but smil-
ing, and insisted that l must go right
down ard see his invention for open
ing the furnace drafts in the morning.
1t was clever too. with wires and pull
leys overhead, and a piece of broom
handle fitted on the clock winder, so
that when the alarm went Off it
dropped II weight--my meat grinder,
mrd you !-anu somehow opened th-
drafts, so that the house would be
warm when we got up. Uncle was
tickled to death with it, and of course
l admitted it; but l warned him not
to set his alarm too early, for our fur
mace has II tremendous draft.
ut worked first rate for few days,
but the old clock got to acting up;
sometimes it wouldn't go Off and then
again Il little jar would start the alarm
while uncle was setting it, so he had
to come upstairs on tiptoe. The night
before Henry came there was cold
bed early, for he was to arrive about
six in the morning. About two / woke
up with start. 1t was so hot | could
hardly breathe, and there was Il strong
scorched smell Then heard Il racket
like pots and pans falling downstairs.
"'Burglars, or fire, or bothT says to
myself, all bewildered; and made for
the upstairs telephone and called up
the emergency number before | WAS
awake enough to know whether ! want
ed the police or the fire department.
1t seems they understood | wanted
both. Uncle Iliram'S room was empty,
and began to think that maybe Id
been hasty about telephoning. | got
Henry's old revolver and went down
cautiously. The kitchen gas was burn
ing and the cellar door was open, and
the cooking things that hang in the eel
larway were Strewn all the way down
the stairs. Someone was down cellar,
banging around and saying things, and
| thought uncle might be struggling
with Il burglar. So | called, Surren-
der or I'll shootr But Uncle Hiram
called back:
"'Don't shoot, Maria, it's only me!
Get me pail of water, quickH
"You see his alarm had gone Off too
soon; and as uncle had the warmest
room in the house, he had walked up
and rushed down to see about 1T. Be
fore | could get the water, two police
men and the fire engines came and o
good big crowd, too. The house wasn't
on fire, but so near 1t there was no fun
In it. and the tiremen said things that
hurt uncle's feelings, and so did Henry
when he came.
"POOr Uncle Hiram wasn't the same
after that. He hardly noticed the ma
chinery blucprints Henry brought
home, which showed he was low in his
mind, and he didn't even read the scien-
tllic journals. He lost his appetite and
began to criticize the food About blue
bird time, when he heard that Aunt
Julia was ready to come home, her
grandchildren being through with the
measles, he insisted on going back to
get things ready for her. | was wOr-
ried for fear he was going to be sick;
but Aunt Julia writes that he's invent
ing new plow and a scarecrow with
Il phonogrnph arrangement; so | guess
he's nll right again."-Youths Com
panion.