The Washington herald., 1917-07-25
Money Does Talk,

Emory was dressed up in. his
working clothes. but his redeeming
feature was the weeks salary. even
II q little roughly, dressed and soon
he had the two girls away from Ear
nest. The girls kissed their hands
good bye to Earnest. Earnest came
back like a streak Of creased light
ming at Emory and with his natty
little cane made q few. dents in
Emory's head. Now Emory is broke,
unless he has a ten spot saved up.
Bad Sunday Behavior.
She slept q little late Sunday morn
ing, Mary White did, and left
it to hubby to get breakfast There
were two little mouths to feed.
Hubby threw his coat on the floor
and the youngest crawled up to it
and distracted his wallet from his
inside pocket "a habit doubtless con-
tracted by watching mamma when 1t
should have been asleep in its crib.
The wallet was of no use to baby
and , It was tossed under the side
board.
1t wasn't missed until after hubby
had washed the dishes. By this
time Mary was up and ready to
go to church and some money for
the collection plate must be had.
Then the storm broke. Jim said
Mary pinched the wallet, while baby
grinned. He knew 1t was in his
pocket and Mary swore she hadn't
seen 1t. Words failing he used a
broom stick and WHEY called a cop.
The wallet was rescued shortly after
ward and Jim opened It for a SO
fne.
Ed VIII BE Good Now.
Ed. Morton Is a jack-of-all trades.
He sets tile, washes windows, shoots
crap, does carpenter work, chauffeurs
. little, Il q janitor and peddles
CLAIMS. When he isn't doing any of
these things he Is making love to
the girls. The girls don't mind it
when Ed Is not broke, but when he
comes around without q cent they
get deaf, and can't see well. Mon
day afternoon he worried Elsie Wise
nearly to distraction, while Elsie was
trying to iron some clothes at her
home on F street southwest. Elsie
said she had enough troubles Of her
own, same being a husband in the
Workhouse. and she told Ed that II
he didn't go away, he would feel the
weight of a hatiron. A huckster
HhO"C0 6lSlc dSACo "
push Ed away. He did and Ed push
ed back. Ed decided not to fight with
his fst and gave the man a tongue
Iashing. A cop heard him and got
out his sflencer Ed was fortunate
enough to find S to pay a fine.
Drat This Weather.
Monday morning was warm and
close. That is why Jim Fowler
didn't go to work. WHEY went out
to do some washing. She did not
come back in time to cook Jim's din
ner SO ne went to q lunch room close
by. Lots of other people went there
too. One Of them a girl, who sat next
to Jim, and made q lot of noise
with her soup. Jim thought he would
take a chance SO he ordered some
hash and started a conversation with
the girl. Between rnouthfuls Of hash
he made a date for that night. The
| girl was about 80 pounds lighter
| than Jim's wife. The same night Jim
and the girl went to the movies and
to a soda fountain. But before he
had gotten back home, he found out
that wiley was wise already and that
| it would be better for him to stay
| away for a while. He refused to take
this sound advice and wifey's father
was ready for him when he did ar
| rive Joseph Woods had to pay SO
to teach his son-in-law a lesson.
Just Like q Woman.
A couple Of weeks ago Lizzie Watts
and her beau had a falling out. She
told Josh Breen that she didn't want
him buzzing around any longer. Josh
heard and obeyed. He went out in
the world and sought him another
! sweetheart. He had a right to do this,
but when Lizzie cast him of. she
| thought that 1t would be only tenn
porary and that he would be back
soon again. Josh took her seriously
and paid very close attention to his
new ind. He took her to a picnic
! Monday evening. Now all this time
Lizzie was boiling over and scheming
to get Josh back.
Josh had more sense than she
thought he did and when Lizzie
showed up at the picnic with a
new beau HERSELF she was all eyes
for Josh and the woman who had sup
planted her in Josh's affections. The
man with Lizzie didn't know anything
about the falling out and naturally
he was peeved at the undue attention
| paid by Lizzie to Josh. He went
after Josh as he started to get on the
| car and Josh went after him too.
Here we have an old fashioned scrap,
minus the razors and Joe was satisfied
to pay a so hne and keep his new
girl.
Reuben Springs Out.
Early last spring Reuben Grebe hired
himself out to Virginia farmer. Reu-
ben was not very well acquainted with
| work and 1t soon got the best of him.
He came to Washington and spent
three weeks with one eye on a job
and the other eye on q pint bottle.
The job drifted away but the. bottle
remained. Soon Reuben was in his