Free trader-journal. (Ottawa, Ill.) 1916-1920, 1917-12-26

she might seem to need. | found her
in her room, paler than ever but filled
with quite determination.
Come in, ma chere," she smiled,
looking up from the desk where she
was writing. Come in and have your
last look at me as | am nOw-fOr soon
| shall become another Alexandra,
and the one you see can never re-
turn"
She smiled sadly at a photograph
standing on top of the desk, and laid
down her pen.
do you regret the changer"
asked, entering.
mo; not that" she answered. IL
welcome it. though it is hard to lose
oneself Yes, welcome il. ! am
/. preparing for it in every way. Even
in this writing. you see, | am making
ready for the long ordeal"
She held out the writing to me
peculiar, square, clumsy formed let
ters. often running into each other or
off the edge of the paper
At my look of surprise she laughed.
mo, my dear, that is not my usual
hand" she explained 81 am prac
Using with my eyes shut, so that
when darkness wraps me and | am
dumb, can still make myself intelli-
gible. Now do you understand"
| nodded with something gripping
at my heart. The sight of that splen-
did, keenly alive and conscious being
preparing for the long night and the
great stiffness deeply affC cted me.
Alexandra sensed my mood. Motion.
ing me to sit down, she said in pc
culiarly gentle voice, as ii half
musing to herself.
Il am not afraid, dear DR.. Bloss,
and yet cannot help certain shrink
ing from this obliteratiOn of my per
sonalty. | long for the great change
what woman would not?--but none
the less feel very, very sad. 1t will
be like losing a near friend, after all
"One's own self is so very close to
one. One never realizes how terribly
close till something utterly changes
it.
"You see," she added with the
whimsical quality Of expression that
marked her, II myself am all the I
that I've ever known. I'm all the
Alexandra there is anywhere. Pve
grown up with myself-been little
girl demoiselle, and now woman,
with always essentially the same ego.
And now they're going to take me
away from myself and put another
Alexandra there and | shall feel so
strange for a while, know. Wouldn't
your
YES" answered. Very, very
strange!'
Il sha'n't even know myself, I'm
sure" she continued Il shall have TO
begin and get acquainted with myself
all over again, as If were stranger
and had come to live in the House ,oi
Self
"You don't understand. perhaps
You're a doctor, a scientific, uneMo
tional person, while II am anything
but Unconditional or scientific"
She smiled sadly, smile that re-
turned, laying my hand caressingly
on hers.
Il understand you better than You
think" | answered. You must not
forget what | told you last night
am woman, too"
She laid her other hand on mine and
stroked it gratefully, her touch won
derfully soft and magnetic
"A woman" she murmured
And with woman's heart, soul, and
intuition. Yes, that means much to
me now-wonderfully much-every.
thing. See here"
She reached up and took in her
hand the photograph that stood upon
the desk.
See the woman who is going to die
that another may be born" she
said, her voice trembling little.
mot die!" protested.
"Yes-die. Die, so that another
Alexandra, infinitely more lovely,
I may live to ispire the world to nobler
ideals. Die and vanish forever from
the cosmos.
THE other Alexandra will replace
herewith the same heart and soul,
perhaps; but she can never again be
the same woman. Her identity must
inevitably be changed. Is that not a
sad thought, after ALP
She grew silent a moment, then
whispered something in tongue
could not understand. With tears in
her eyes she handed ME the photo.
graph.
| studied it with keen interest Il
full.length portrait in some strange
garb-- Russian, no doubt. 1t seemed
not to be her own dress. however, but
was more in the nature of some dra.
matte costume.
The name of the photographer and
Of the place where printed in very
ornate gilt Russian letters. This is an
alphabet have never learned - but
some slight similarity between the
Greek and Russian characters enabled
me to spell out Moscow"
1t was not this, however, which
primarily interested me. Ny attention
focused itself on the woman's face In