Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1917-07-25

cHORDg nd
d S C o R ID S

F1eAf Il met up Win seemingly
sane folks who have maintained that
! heat is a state Of mind, hummed
GwendoIyn over the wire this morn
ing. and / have been amazed at tine
apparent earnestness Of their argu-
ment I have tried to make myself
! believe on a t0rrid day that it was not
as hot as the thermometer on my back
porch registered. but the longer I sat
and thought Of last winters snow
drifts the warmer I grew. Perhaps /
haven't the control of my mind that
other people have One never can tell.
Only yesterday / met up with a per-
fectlv dear young girl on a street car.
She was wearing what appeared to be
a heavy fur about her neck. ! asked
her If it did not make her feel uDc0m~
Portable. Not this one, she said
. You know, this is an Alaskan fur.
One Of my relatives was in Alaska
year ago and he told me it was the
coolest climate that he had ever got
into in his whole life On yes, I al
most forgot. You noticed, did you
that the kaiser was calling 15-year-
Odds 10 the cOlors2 Do YOU suppose
he is trying to kid as some more? %
DOUG Fairbanks, take it from his
press agent. has won mpionships
at roping and bull throwing We
haven't seen his records in the former.
but we didn't need the press agents
word TO assure us of his supremacy
in the latter field
a HYMN OF Heat might be an appro-
pirate companion piece to the Hymn Of
Hate.
GENERAL G0ethals has discovered
that not all the slides are in the Pan
anna ditch. He got caught In one at
Washington yesterday.
AND Denman may hereafter be
known as Dennis.
NO reason is assigned for the res
iguatfon of the recently formed Chill
can cabinet. Perhaps the BOYS hadn't
been on the job long enough TO know
how to frame an excuse. Then. again.
it is vacation time in that part of the
hemisphere. and probably their wives
mad been naggine them to knock off
work and take TO the woods.
KEBENSKY is TO use a blood and
iron policy in curing Russian evils Il
might be in order TO suggest that he
get ia communication with Congress
man Billy Mason Bh0 has, through ad-
refreshments. Of late spread some en-
Eghtenmeut on the stimulating effects
Of iron
THE big job now win be in keeping
the graft out of the draft
THERE was an editorial ia The Ar.
gus last evening headed Too Many
Cooks" wouldn't it have come nearer
TO expressing the truth if the heading
had read Too Many Crooks"
WHEN the German ariat0rs have q
breathing spell they drop a few more
bombs on the Rheims cathedral. Hec-
tor opines That in doing so they must
expect TO hnd somebody waiting at the
church
THE latest discovery. ve are told
is that glyeerine can be manufactured
from sugar Are we 10 infer from
this that there is to be another rise
in sugar?
EXPERTS have declared that the
war would be decided in the air. our
statesmen at Washington are settling
their fights via the same route.
WE are having wbeatIass and meat
less DAYS There is talk also of to-
baccoIess days. Ignatz. writing from
Chicago, saws that while he was
meandering along the Boul Mich the
other day he began wondering if the
women weren't trying to introduce
cIothesIess days.
COLONEL Green is the grandes+
man IN the world, says his bride.
She repeats the assertion at every op-I
portunlty. She has told it TO reuort-
eFs and to her friends. She has a ner-
feet right to place any estimate upon
her husband that she chooses. but she
shouldn't be so narrow viewed as not
TO give other girls credit for having
employed equally good perception In
picking heipmates who understand the
art Of converting their wives TO an
adequate appreciation Of their virtues
However, We shall wait to hear from
Mrs. Green a few years later when
her honeymoon millinery has survived
long enough TO be due for the discard
and she has a dozen or SO new $50
bonnets sent 10 the house delivered
after friend husband has returned at
the end Of an irritating session in the
whir1 Of business. We should remem-
her that the colonel was raised 20 the
theory that hats and other articles of
wearing apparel improve with age.
THE same hoy who viii batk when
father asks him 10 pull the weeds in
the garden will spend a whole day in
the woods with his best girl pIuckfng
wild flowers. and it never tires him
bit After a few minutes wedding
ne complains that he feels as bent
and broken In the vicinity OF the spine
as man Of 20 who had Just finished
hauling in a ton Of coal
WHEN the army exemption boards
begin their work it is predicted thar
the public will be surprised at the
growth Of the Quaker sect in this
But somebody has claimed
that the quake is IN the knees.