New Ulm review. (New Ulm, Brown County, Minn.) 1892-1961, 1917-07-18

penQenC on CQaC SITedIu, C1le OCCdSiOH
for sarcastic sayings are no longer neces-
sary or apparent. While the Mississippi
river is rapidly coming back into its
own as regards river navigation, it will
probably be long before there will be any
decided attempt to navigate the Missouri
The reason for this is the aforesaid
vagaries of that great, but awkward
stream. To do so would require great
amount of improvement, but at that it
would have been much better to have
expended the money than to have
abandoned it altogether.
The Missouri is in the nature OF a con-
tradiction, from it's source to it's junction
with the Mississippi, distance OF 1896
miles. For instance, after it is formed
by the combination of the Gallatin and
Jefferson rivers in the Rocky mountains,
instead of flowing east or south, as one
would naturally expect it to do it flows
north for a distance of 500 miles; then
it takes an easterly direction for 1900
miles, and then flows southeaster(y for
the remainder of the distance. After it
meets the Father of Waters for many
miles below the confluence it refuses to
mingle with the Mississippi. 1t takes
one side of the bed, leaving the Mississippi
to take the other, the line which marks
the muddy from the clear water nearly
down to St. Louis. The Indian name
for Missouri is 'Big Muddy and by
this name it is known to most of the
people in the United States. 1t is also
known at certain seasons of the year,
as the "Big Dusty AS constructor
of sandbars the Missouri has few if any
equals. and no superiors, in any part of
the earth so far explored. 1t is equally
proficient in demolishings and bars.
S Sometimes they remain where they were
formed until covered with vegetation
and a growth of trees. When they are
in their prime and at low water, they are
unrivaled as dust distributors. Altho
long under suspicion, an island of this
character in the Missouri after time
begins to win confidence. Then some
man pre-empts a claim, builds a cabin
and makes ready to attach to himself a
valuable tract of Missouri valley real
estate. But the chances are that before
he 'squats" on the property, the waters
from the mountains in healthy spring,
rise and the "claim" is swept ingloriously
away. The island, however, furnishes
for other sandbars, and other
islands farther downstream. Then oc-
casionally the river helps itself to farms
on either side of the river, or perhaps
changes the boundary line Of a few
states along it's bank
There are times when the Missouri
river spreads thinlXs over a territory
many miles in width. It is then the
alleged hurnorist gets. in his work. It is
said that once a captain ran his boat
from Omaha to Kansas City taking
advantage of rainy days. Another
story is that the deckhands of the old
time stern-wheelers were sent ahead
with a garden sprinkler to moisten the
channel. On one occasion the captain.
was talking to a passenger when the.
pilot spied sandbar ahead He backed
the boat for a considerable distance, then
giving the engineer the signal to go ahead
with all speed struck the sandbar, head
on, When the bar was encountered
the passengers were mostly thrown from
their chairs, but finally the boat pulled
over and went on her way.
''You run your boat in pretty shallow
water" said a passenger to the captain.
eco anywhere in good heavy dew"
GRITTY replied the skipper.
A popular story of Missouri navigation
in the old days was that a boat had been
stranded for several days. One day a
nervous passenger was seen going forward
with a pail.
"What are you going to do?" asked
the captain. -
"Going to dip some water from the
side of the boat and throw front, to
start the boat" replied the passenger.
'No you DON'T" commanded the
captain. eve need all the water there
is in the river to cook WITH
Yet volume of water of potential
horsepower sufficient to drive. all the
machinery in the United States flows
down every year, between the widel!
separated banks of the Missouri, onl,
to be dissipated because it has neve
been harnessed. g.
Because the Missouri river is cratic
often destructive and frequently shallow
and practically useless is not it's fault.
Wouldn't it be good thing for tn
country if Congress would do littl