The Washington herald., 1917-03-04
THE LAY OF THE LADY AGENT.

And cried and cried
And hated to see Julia cry, and
So 1 asked her to tell me
ALL
And so that you will understand
I must explain who
Julia is.
Julia is the lady press
Agent for William Hodge
In Fixing Sister,"
And she was born
| In Richmond. Va,
And loves a Yankee as
Mr.. Wilson loves a
Submarine.
And yesterday Julia sat and
Sobbed and in her soft, rich Southern
Dialect she said
She Jest natcherally hated
These here No'theners
And that they were Jest low down
| An po' white trash and
That they would steal a bone away
From a pore old no count
Houn'-dog.
And the meanest Yankee
What we done got
Up yere in this ole Moth
Is Mistah William Hodge.
And asked II william -.
Did not pay her a living waxe and
Julia said that William paid her
Mo-
Than any other press-agent in town
And that wasn't II.
And I said was William cross
Or grouchy
A.! And did he rave and nag at her
Because she did not have his
Picture printed every day upon the
First page and Julia
Said no that wasn't 1t.
Then Julia wept some more and
Said.
"Doggone. Ah'm a sure nuff press agent
Ah'm tryin' to make a
Record
Money haint all that is In
This yere world.
All want to show that a lady
Can be a better press agent than q
Low down triflin' cigaret smokin'
Man.
And All want to get stuff in the
Newspaper and Mistah Hodge
He just natcherally crabs nah act
He's so doggoned modest
He gets mad as everything
Eff All print anything about him
A tall"
And said Julia,
You're q liar"
But Julia said that once
Three weeks ago,
Mistah Hodge dun
Spoke a sermon on Sunday mawninE
In big church on the
South Side.
But we all didn't find II out
TIL yesterday and by that
Time the stuff was
Cold.
And heah am 1 tn press agent
Fob Mistah Hodge,
Sobbed Julia, "and he nevah
Tole me er doggone word and ef All had
A knowed All could have
Done got a colyum story
In ev'ry papah in this yere
Ta-own."
And Julia wept again and said
That TO weeks ago Bill Hodge
tn darned old nutmeg Yankee
Dun give a check fob five hundred iron
Dollahs
To a fund fob little children
Whose soldier pappies had dun died
Somers in France
But when he gave the check he
| Said he would stop payment II
Anything was printed about Il In
The newspapers.
And there was Mis- Julia, his devoted
Press agent,
Who would have taken that story
In her teeth and galloped to every
Newspaper shop in town and
Smeared It all over the place.
And dog-gone, she nevah even
Heern tell Of the darned old check
Till Jess las' Monday an by that
Time it was also very cold.
And 50, you see," said Mis-
Julia, "Ah get big money
But All dom want people thinkin'
Ah'm a stealin' hit.
But how kahn All
Get anything published fob q
Man what acts in that low-dowu
| Triffin' way and Jest
Keep everything hidden away to
Hisself?
Hit Is shuah no way fob a white
Man to treat q
Press-agent let alone q
LADY,"
And Julia cried again,
And said she was q goin' to jump
Her Job an get something
Moh excitin'
Than bein' press-agent fob
A human clam fish an
She reckoned
She'd Jest go out
And be q night-watchman
Fob q grave yard;
Then she might have q chance to get
somethin' now and then In the
Ole newspapahs.
And with final flood Of
IScalding tears,
Mis- chandiah vuz