The Washington herald., 1917-10-07

IN. MI
|qlesE-. III
lSTHR@UoH>5
THEsPERIoc oPEA II
Gabe Harlkin sess
"Ols man Boone, who keeps ther
pet animal store, II preparin' for ther
November days by 1ayin' in a stock
of snakes"
L. There Any DlEerencef
A Kansas City woman had her hus-
band arrested for trying to force her
to drink carbolic acid. He said 1t was
whisky. But maybe shs was right,
after all. a. It takes q man like DR..
Wiley to tell the difference between
carbolic acid and "bone-dry' whisky.
MsteAie-Kister. Tee-Hee.
Kenosha friends have received cards
announcing the engagement of Miss
Florence Kister and Arthur Mutchie,
both OF Racine.-Kenosha News.
Outelassed.
Apollo left Olympus
And tried to get a Job.
He thought It would be simple
To Join the movie mob.
Far famed for manly beauty,
It was his little plan
To break into the pictures
And be . leading man.
But every crowd he tackled
Possessed q handsome pet.
Apollo 10 detected;
He hasn't landed yet.
w. 8. Adkins.
It's All Wrong, Algernon.
When you thought you knew the
new Commish. and he didn't recognize
you.
When you holler, Going upw and
the elevator IL going down. and don't
stop.
When your mother-in-law, instead
of only staying two days. announces
that she will stay another week.
When your wife Ii over-affectionate
one evening. and the next day you
get q bill for a s12 pair Of shoes.
When somebody took your umbrella
and you get real mad-found out that
It was the pretty new stenographer.
He Did II.
Just before the battle of Waterloo
Napoleon turned to his aide and said:
Ford, don't forget: I want all the
tanks in this engagement"
As George Washington was crossing
the Delaware he turned to Col. Pitt
and remarked: "I hope you fellows
won't let me miss that flyer to Pitts
burg. because must look after a big
contract for munitions there"
Attil,al the Hun. paused a minute
after butchering 5000 women and chill
dren. 'T have Q hunch." he said,
that some nut will come after me
and make my work look like thirty
cents"
Theda, vaIeskn and Olga.
Valeska and Theda and Olga one day
Met and they smiled together,
Left home their daggers and went
out to play.
Out in the sweet June weather,
Discarded their earrings and put on
some gowns
CNot a camera was there for this
sceneD
And there wasn't trace OF those
murderous frowns
We're accustomed to see on the
screen.
From Theda,
valeska
Or Olga. ~.
valeska and Theda and Olga con-
fessed
CWithout a reporter aroundD
This simple good time and the way
they were dressed
Just suited them down to the
ground
But now we must haste to our ar
duous labors.
As, fully attired In a comb,
We've four men to kill before six
with our sabers,'
Then sadly departed for home.
Did Theda,
Va1eska
And Olga
-Charlotte X. Mish, IN October Film
Fun.
Boy, Page Delilah.
Up In Boston, a lady barber is try
ing to get in the army. Sail right
but-how many beaneaters do you
think she could trim before 1t is
time to go to the trenches? II
wouldn't be the hrst time that a big
scrapper was trimmed by a woman.
There's Samson. for instance.
The Pessfmist.
Life hardly pays the pessimist
To live or e.er begin 1t,
He overlooks the sunshine and
Sees but the gas-bills in It.
Buffalo Evening News.
II You Did Phone the Editor.s
Did you ever see porcupine that
didn't hayA his oriIla1