The Washington times., 1917-06-28
Don Marquis
Column
SAVAGE PORTRAITS.

He knows celebrities-or else he
They share with him their tears,
their chaff;
HE KNEW CELEBRITIES: his
epitaph
Let that line be, when busy Woggles
dies.
He tells you how Ben Actor dreaded
fat,
He knows the oaths that Bishop
Pulpit swore,
He tells you what the late Dick
Author wore
He has, indeed, a Wallets eye for
that.
He says Tom Bluff is losing out
through drink
Poor Tom, he's such a clever fel-
low, tool
To look at What's-his-name you
wouldn't think
That he took drugs-alas! dear
man, It's true!
He knew Bill Blank before success
had come;
He might tell tales-but no, his lips
are dumb
Each dead man Woggles calls by his
first name;
The living, too-provided they're
not by.
Processing to defend, he spreads
a lie,
Affects to cherish, while he smears,
their fame.
He's rather strong on Matrimonial
Stuff
He's been the Whistles guest,
and seen their life,
And so he scarcely blames Jack
Whistles wife
One feels these smash-ups coming,
plain enough
HE KNEW CELEBRITIES-OR
DID HE LIE?
They'll carve that line some sum-
mer afternoon
Upon a stone beneath the careless
sky.
Myself, l rather hope they'll
carve it SOON!
Small matter, though; for every
pest you slay
Ten more rank flies pollute the
breath Of day.
THE THOUGHTS OF HERMIONE,
THE MODERN YOUNG WOMAN.
Do you think the war is going 20
have any influence on Hedonism?
We've been taking 1t up lately, you
know-my little group OF serious
thinkers-and we've become quite in
know-not { the war. Though, of
course. we're all frightfuIly inter-
ested in the war, too.
Qae OF the dearest men has been
telling US about 1t.
But mama-poor, dear mama is
so frightfuIly old-fashioned, you
know-positiveIy Victorian, IL you
get what I mean-actually made 4
scene when she found that q Hedon-
list was going to talk to us.
mo Hedonist," she said, shall ever
darken my doorT'
You are frightfully unreasonable, I"
told her. TT is the women like
you who are contented to be slaves,
who have held the Cause back"
What cause?" she asked.
"AlI the causes" I told her
Cause or no cause" she said, 'sI'rI
tired of all this modern sex tolk, and
l will not have any more of It in
the house"
what do you think a Hedonist is7'
1 asked her.
Il don't care to be told what It is!'
she said.
Don't yoa dare to tell me what It
is! know enough about all these ad-
vanced ideas to know That they al
ways have something to do with sex.
They are all improper. I refuse to
have any more Of them explained tn
me"
Fancy any one being SO stupidI
Mama, you know. Is really almost
impossible. had to be quite severe
with her before got her straIEhten-
ed out.
And she is never grateful for the
pains take with her. Some daugh-
ters would just simply give their
mothers up. II they were burdencd al
l am, and make no further efforts
for their intellectual advancement.
But think I owe a duty TO mama.
will not abandon her to her igno-
rance. That would be too selfish. !
love her too much.
What is greater than the reverence
of a daughter for her mother7
Reverence. Reverence! 1t Is the
most wonderful thing in the world,
But will have to come down hard
on mama and compel her to quit
opposing me.
Such scenes destroy my inner Har-
mony. And Harmony Is everything!
II ones Environment is not har-
monious. how can one vibrate in uni
son with the CosmIc All?
A man can't live on t1hdt he rGLses
y he u al the fine rdisiH1 b..
The Prohibition party will never
get our vote until II changes its
views on the liquor question.