davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-11-11
r.urSE M,LuKE SAYS

Keep your plans to yourself. You never heard . successful man telling what he is going to do. did you?
 Now that the second liberty loan Is taken care of, why not take up col lection and purchase kir1onos Tor the well built ladies who are poslns III union suits in the underwear ads Tn the magazines and newspapers?
 When friend wife and friend hus- hand have scrap and friend wife says: "Well, if you don't like 1t you know what you can dol" friend wife means that friend husband can go straight to the bad place for all she cares.
 Maybe the man who Is waiting for his ship to como in likes to loaf around a lsaif because there IS always chance of picking up g schooner.
 Every man should profess g knowl- edge of palmistry. It gives him an ex- cuse to hold a girls hand for while. A woman can't always get gown to match her complexion. But she can al- ways get a complexion to match her
 gown.
 A man can learn how to do house. work and how to cook, and even how to crochet. But he never learns how to put a pair of pants on baby with q SaIety pm.
 Any girl would rather have beauty than brains. She knows that for every ten thousand fool men in the world there is only one blind one. During the honeymoon the ther- mometer in the front hall registers about 100 above when she greets him when he gets home at night. But 1 few years later the same thermometer registers around zero when she greets him when he gets home at night. The finest way we know of to add to your collection of enemies Is to butt in when other folks are holding con versation.
 The ld-fashioned boy who was told that he would end his days on the gal l lows because he played marbles for 1 keeps, now has son who makes a comfortable living shooting craps. I When a good fellow goes broke his lack of coin alters his appearance so much that most or his old cronies iali 1 to recognize him.
 After man has been married long enough he can tell you that a woman l will worry over the fact that she has nothing to worry about.
 A man doesn't mind getting up at |
 q. na to go fishing. But he couldn't Eno~~'bly get up at that hour to go n to work. y AX' X. If the lies were eliminated from his l tory, history would be about as thrill r |.tng and interesting as the Cnngres- Esional Record.
 What has become Of the old-fash- Eioned woman who wouldn't have cat
 around the house because she believes
 that it would suck tiic breath soI
 baby?
The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-11-11
\ PRESS CLUB DINNER By Frank Willis Barnett

IL can bs operated with as much Euo-
 cess by . child ss by an adult Ons
 turn of tho light flywhoei and the en-
 zine starts off By simply turning the
 thumbscrew over tho main bearing, It's
 speed Is adjusted.
 Tho cylinder of the motor Is inverted
 This allows tho gasoline to flow from It's tank directly into contact with the electric spark caused by the spark coif of the ignition system Tho result is that sorne gas will immediately ex- plode and the sngine can be Guickly started even In tho coldest weather! The inversion of the cylinder. moreover, makes 1t a simple matter to enclose It's hot end in an Iron housing, out of the wav of the children's fingers.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-11-11
NED BRACE TALKS ABOUT THE HIGH
 PRICES WE ARE PAYING FOR OUR FOOD

in this country today as was ever known at this season of the year. The production of sugar has been greater than ever known and prices of all these things should go down instead of up.
 High prices of food products and low prices of railroad and industrial stocks are due to the spectators who are talk ing advantage of the war situation. These people should be dealt with by the government, just as the alien enemy is dealt with. They are enemies to their fellow men who are doing their duty by their country.
 The retail merchants who are taking advantage of their customers should be made to suffer the consequences of their acts. do not believe in the boy colt, but I do believe if the people of Birmingham, who must buy eatables, ! would so to those stores from which they buy and offer cash for their purch-
 ases they would buy much cheaper
 than many of them are buying today. Q n
 The burden of this European war is to be borne by the people of this coun- l try. Tho people of Birmingham are to
 bear their full measure of it in time.
 They should begin at once by helping their fellow men here by economizing
 in their food purchases and by paying
 cash to the people from whom they buy
 their eatablos. A practice of this kind would soon reduce the cost of living
 and would soon put all of us in better
 humor and better condition.
 ] l.,n4,,aeo
The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-11-11
renne..ee Valley on Tip,ee

.'I have enough of tho boy left In me to enjoy 8 good game of football" said Dr. Henry Willlngham. the president or the great normal school at Florence, "so I ran down to see the Vanderbilt-Ala- batna contest.
 Speaking of football and goal kicking. 1t looks like my home town is going to kick a goal or at least tho Muscle Shoals project will mako touchdown The Tennessee valley is on tiptoe. It is surely coming into it's own after 'ons wait. The developments will mean much to the rest of the state.7
The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-11-11
Sam nlaeh at Hoprc

'It's good eo be back in Birmingham and feel nt." said Sam Biach, who has put in e month or more in the east try ing to get his strength back from seri- ous operation, which he underwent in Nashville.
 "It looks as if the good times that have prevailed throughout the north and the west have at last come south. I was glad to find that our business was going strong. I am certainly glad to be home again and on the tob.''
The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-11-11
ADRIFT WITH THE TIMES
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STERN NECESSITY. Tho high cost of living
 What use to lament?
 Wo might as we'll practice
 The rules of content
 With all the World fighting
 And blood being shed.
 We're bound to pay more for
 Our meat and our bread. And If ve look Tt it
 In the way that wc should. We'll find self-dcnial
 Will do us some good.
 DIETING THE BoCFIE. whats become of Jasserbyg Hs was always going around with chip on his shoulder "He's putting that chip to noble use" "Yesr' "IIs carried it to France"
 4 BRIEF AFFAIR. "She married dancing man, you ssy?' s'Two years ago" "And Is sne happyr' ..Oh, yes He danced into her life. r; n afoul of her father and danced right out again" PAUL COOK.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-11-11

Young Mems Christian association.
 The 200 canvassers have been divided Into forty teams of five each and
 when they start out there will be al- most no limit to what they can do' To such dive wires" seventy five thousand dollars will seem, if not like
 a bagatelle, as easy as asking. There is nothing like team activity of the
 R;rminohana sort.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-11-11
-N BIRMINGHAM was never sc pros
 K porous as it is today.

SN IRMIEGIAAT was never so pros |8 porous as it is today.
 It's manufacturers, It's mer- chants. and it's working men are n1ai- ing more than at any time in the his- tory of this district.
 Every man, who Is not a stacker has all he can do. and he can earn
 moro than he has ever earned.
 There must be slackers here, how ever, because of the number of men and young men-who are seen ioafing on the streets and in the moving pie tureg and at the theatres In the day. time. It is true, many of these may be night workers who are enjoying their off hours But there arc yet in Birmingham and elsewhere those who are shirlsiny their duties in the army camps, tho mines, tho mills and tho of- fees. There arc. particularly, numbers of negroes who seem to be doing noth- ing for living.
 It would be wcll for the new city administration to round up those who are not doing their duty in those stren- uous times.
 Able men are needed in improving the streets of Birmingham and the roads of Jefferson county. Now that we arc prosperous. the roads should be put in condition to give to Birmingham and Jefferson county that evidence of prosperity which we know Is with us. It would be well for the County Board Of Revenue to mako a bond is- sue of sufficient volume to build per manent paved roads in this county The
The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-11-11
To Weld Police
 of Nation Together

A LTHoUGH German agents are NA numerous in this country ana it has been found that they stop at nothing to achieve their ends, the American intelligence system IS still on a peace basis. Some remarkably oood work has been done by govern ment detectives in exposing German nlots and arresting plotters--work which has won for them the admira- ton of the world and opened the eyes of the German government-but they have labored under a great handicap. There has been unity of effort, so far as this was possible, but cooperation lhas been difficult because scattered branches have worked separately, taking orders from their individual heads. As result there has been much confusion and frequent duplica- tion of effort.
 It is proposed to unite all the gov ernment's intelligence agencies under one general head and reorganize the detective force of the entire nation, federal, state and municipal, into a compact bureau. This should have been done long ago, even before the declaration of war on Germany, and no time should be lost in the creation of a strong, centralized detective agency which will direct operations throughout the country in a system atic way.
 At present the governments intel gence work is done by the following departments:
 The bureau of investigation, depart
 ment of justice, on which the bulk of
 the German spy work has fallen.
 The secret service, treasury depart
 ,nent, tho activities of which ars
 strictly curtailed by law.
 The postoffice inspectors, whose de-
 tective work now is along specialized
 lines.
 The special agents of the internal revenue bureau. charged with detec- = tive work in connection with the col-
 lection of the internal revenue. The special agents of the customs y service, charged with defeating frauds q upon the customs.
 The United States army secret serv-
 ice, an organization little known to j. the public, but highly efficient. Il With these agencies consolidate n and directed by able chiefs, them Il selves under the guidance of su S preme head who would be responsibl d for the entire system, much better re q suits could be obtained. There ar
 also thousands of state, county an if municipal police officers who coul e give valuable assistance to the fec Q leral authorities, if these agencies we, y made quickly available and advise e Iof what duties the government wishe h. them to perform.
 W There are still far too many Ge le man spies at large in America. Son n. lof them may not be professional spie m nor in the pay of the German govcr ,f ment, but they are pro-German al n. doing what they can to embarra m 1.-the American government in makil le war on Germany. With reorganiz
The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-11-11
NOT FOR TrDo.

sJust a few scraps for my dos,' said the lady.
 "Yes, madam" replied tho butcher Here's nice assortment for a quarter"
 "Rather coarse fare for & poodle" re- marked another customer as tho lady swept out
 .iUmph!" said tho butcher. Inat meat ain.t for no dox. She's going to make soup for her family. Lots of people are working that bluff these days"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-11-11

Paul Prir, prinner and trimmer than
 ever Salome dared to be, "coocne cooched" out as the sobs of the syrnDa- thetic onlookers rent the air.
 Then the commissioners were allowed to rest for awhile as President Jeff newspaper men and the visitors. He neither spared tho law, the gospel, or
 tho press, for calling on me to give an account of all I didn't know about Ger
 many and Kaiser Bill, my old school
 chum. Before was well on my feet. he called me down amidst the shouts of
 the impolite hirelings at his side. Cruel ty. thy name Is Bailey
 Spying br. Pe2rley A. Baker, the ex- pert on water, not in the way of a rain- maker, but in keeping 1t hid in the clouds until the earth beneath becomes ''bone- dry" he asked him by what right was the national superintendent of the Anti saloon league doing at the press ban- auet. "You are out of place, sir,' said 1 he. Produce a highball, or we will think you got in our midst by false pre- tense." Dr. Baker rose to explain, but was promptly sat upon. Bailey was really fierce.
 ! Walter Blackman was even asked whr drew the cartoons in Tho Age-Heraio which he signed. I told you the crowd
 was without reverence, and wholly free from the ordinary c!yilities which ob- tain among gentlemen. Even Bcalle was requested to state in confidence whc drotc the heavy editorials that he was supposed to have written. Just as Ee Torgerson was put on oath to let the bunch into the secret of the fake items l which he was giving out daily. Every newspaper man present got jab. but President Bailey would not allow
 any single one of them chance to gab I believe the only speech that was al flowed to proceed without interference was that of Hendrix, who was urging upon the commissioners their duty t \ give tho press boys a dinner every Fri I day night. In the midst of perora ton, he paused for a moment. saying II hope you gentlemen will not fall ou as to which ono shall have the homo to give the first blowout" They go
 back by making it an Alphonse ant
 jGaston affair, and finally side-steppe'
 the proposition.
 Every one voted the Drivers, manager ! of the Hillman. father and son. by fa greater men and more public splrlte' } than the whole city commission put to gether, for they had given the enjoyabi : dinner at their own motion without an ] outside pressure, whatever. It was tw hours of fun and frolic and when tn toastmaster, Bailey, started word ''seri l ous" the meeting adjourned on him jus
 to let him know that he wasn't to be an
 1 exception when 1t came to be guyed. Jei saw what he was up against and nuii , | don't blame him, for 1t is what did hate to confess it, but for once
 speech died in my system
 {. HIRED GIRL OF THE COUNTRY , From the Popular Science Monthly fo
The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-11-11

BEGINNING THE DAY--Let the earth and the water, the air anu the fruits of my country be sweet my God.
 Lei the homes and marts, the 1"r~ ests and fields of my country be hniis my God.
 Let the promises and hopes' the deeds and words of my country DC true, nay God.
 Let the lives and the hearts ot the sons and daughters of nay country be Gnc. my Ged--Tagore.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-11-11
Active Canvass
 Begins Tomorrow

@F the sa5,0Oo,OOo which the " Young Mems Christian asso- citation will raise in this country for it's various activities in the army camps Alabama is assessed $3o0,OO0 and Birmingham $75,o00.
 That the campaign scheduled to be- gin here tonorrow will be successful is practically taken for granted. In the preliminary campaign of several months ago only about $5,O00,0 ,000 was sought at that time. Alabama raised S56.OOO and Birmingham contributed almost one-half of that amount. \ This city eant,,,,ys liberal, could If Campaign manager raise half of the any organization
 can be had from m but in order to ters at 2l23 Second q ,;+.,>l,, 7464 uuiueh eA'ii'S'p'S
 s,,, inSstitasi,Srge Sd'.",,i,,rge of the state tration day for the Gr.hat one-fourth cahontas. Those inte
 this institution are sportlon- Ie" register on that dav.s LII ,o +, +be means big votes for N "A eo
 I4O.000 Existian association For all counted pa
 regular votes), we that Blrmlngnan 10000 extra votes. :I =, each as possible. US snaIe iiioiuo o' items listed peloNt t with little strain 5 Geo. c. EnIs,.re understands tean
 gell. perhaps, as thu
The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-11-11
EXCESS BAGGAGE.

The Garne who ow7ls poodle pup A close observer notes, Had better leave the dog behind When she goes after votes.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-11-11
ITALIA DOLoROsA

Theodosia Garrison, in the Now York
 Times.
 (These lines are published in the hope that they may be of use to the fund Of the American poets ambulances in Italy. tho author being a member of the gen. eral committee, of which Robert Under wood Johnson, of 70 Fifth avenue, is chairman.) We sought her for her beauty and her grace, For the unfading wonder of her face That lured Us overseas from myriad lands, And always there was kindness in her eyes, 1 And welcome In her hands l 0 Italy. whose glory thrills us yet, l Shall we, thy lovers, in this day forget? For 10, this hour. her eyes. once lumi- nous, Heavy with awful tears are turned to us The face we worshiped hath grown gray
 with grief, And there is application in the hands l Stretched for her sons relief, Q Italy! whose beauty was our creed,
 Shall we thy lovers, fail thee in thy ease,
 Long since her beauty drew us overseas
 How may we go today with hearts a
 ease.
 Keeping the little comfort we might give
 Withholding that poor talent we nigh lend That aids her sons to live. o Italy, whose heart is torn today, ,, Shall we. thy lovers, fall thee in tn. need?
The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-11-11
Delighted With Weather

''The public generally Is delighted
 with the pleasant weather we have
 had for the last several days. tho v cath
 CT bureau office having heard number
 of appreciative comments" said Ob-
 server Horton. with us October and November are usually pleasant months and long periods of clear weather are not uncommon. In one particular the period through which we are now pass ing Is exceptional. We have had seven consecutive cloudiess days. record Tor tho last II years at this station.
 "An extensive bank of high baro- metric pressure has overlain the east ern half of the country for many days l it's descending currents dissolying the clouds as fast as they formed Thir cirrus clouds. the mars tails of thu sailor, made their appearance ovs' northern Alabama today, moving dowr from the regions of unsettled weathe l In the northwest. A fair Sunday |
 promised for Birmingham. with tn temperature somewhat above the sea
 sonal average.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-11-11
A TANCY.

The, sun shone so brightly, The skies were so blue, And such balrny breezes
 My window stole through, II seemed for a moment
 There dwelt in my room. The softness of summer,
 Tho scent Of its bloom.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-11-11

detective force, comprising practical Fly every detective in the United States, it would be almost impossi- ble for these persons to operate.
 As measure of safety the gov 'ernment should put it's intelligence system on a war footing. If you wear gold buckles on your sus- penders. you arc liable to have them taxed as being more ornamental than useful. And as for jeweled garters-- but we won't so into that. The art world Is so wrought up oves, the merits and demerits of Barnard's s statue of Lincoln that it forgets aH about the war for hours at a time. H Q
 Korniloff and Kerensky are reported to have escaped. There may be a chance for them to get together and start sonle- thins for the good of Russia. . Journalist Taft calls the Kaiser tho bully of Europe" There's nothing like having nose for news" when you be- come a contributing editor. s II Maybe some of the song writers in ''Tin Pan Alley will compose a dirge when the bright lights of Broadway arc turned off to save fuel There are some restaurant signs which need not be darkened for the sake of economy. Their letters of light spell the one short word, Eat" 1 :t T <: l Tulsa has made 1t quite plain by the aid of the whip and tar and feathers that the latchstring is not hanging ou for I, W. ". members. H < .s
 The fact that he is in the army makes it eminently proper for a youn, woman to send a young man a box 0. l candy.
 Business is good at the fortress o St. Peter and St. Paul. Many of tn lguest chambers have distinguished occu pants.
 What does it really matter if Mis- Alice Paul was forcbly fed or too !nourishnaent with surreptitious delight l D Es |:
 General Cadorna has been relieved (
 his command. No excuse seems to hol good when an army is in retreat. 1 s :: r
 1 Lenine talks as if no were the COG
 O tho walk. but he may not be per
 uaitted to crow much longer. ! =
 Things arc unsettled in Russia, br
 there Is no chance for Nicholas Roman
 off to ''come back.''
 1 <
 Judge Hyian rcaffirms his patriotism
 Give him a chance and let him prove 1
The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-11-11

Keen thy pen from lenders books' and defy the foul f1end.
 king Lear. .sss E ssssfss@sD @ & Y
The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-11-11
Famous vocalist Guest in City

Miss Elizabeth Wood, the contralto, who has just come into prominence as one of America's foremost singers. Is the guest of Mir. and Mrs. Robert Law renee. Miss Wood is to be the first attraction on the University of Ala
 bama concert series that opens in TuS-
 caloosa tomorrow night in Morgan
 hall.
 Miss Wood is a native of Louis- !,iana," said MT. Lawrence. "She left that city some three years ago to en- ter the concert field in New York, where she has had unusual success. She has appeared with tho Damrosch orchestra and the past summer was so- loist at Ocean Grove, N. J., In the pro- duction of Handel's Messiah. On Oc. tober 20 this southern woman made her initial bow before critical New York, when she gave 8 recital Tn Aeolian hall in that city. The critics on the New York papers were loud in
 their praise of Miss Woods voice and l methods and pronounced her an artist
 of the highest order"
 | Miss Wood will be an honored guest at the community concert at the Eijou ! theatre this afternoon.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-11-11
An East Tennessee Mountafneer

s'I was amused at how cieverly pr George Stuart got out of being classed as a Virginia aristocrat at the recent session of the North Alabama conference at Woodlawn,' said his presiding e.der Dr. J. W. Johnson.
 .'Bishop Denny was giving a little les son on the polteness involved in answer ing letters, going so far as to say that he replied, even when those wrlt'hs stated that no reply was necessary. " was just g good old Virginia custom. Then turning toward where Dr. stuart Vas sitting. he said: Brother Stuart, a virginian will understand what am saying But quick as flash, Dr. SUI art replied. Bishop you are mistaken am just plain East Tennessee mountain eer.' Everybody laughed at the way George lined up with the common peo- pie"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-11-11
ExTRAvAGANCB.

EAISAN NASTANS6~ "Poor fellowi He says he can't make both ends meet"
 ''I don't feel any sympathy for him. "Why net?'
 .He tries to keep car on jituey bus salary
 DOES ANYBODY KNOW? 'There goes Professor Diggs." "A learned man. I presume?" ''Oh, yes. He can tell you how long 1t takes the light from tho most distant stars to reach the earth.''
 T wonder If he can tell us how long 1t takes authetic news to reach us from Petrograd?" SOMETHING TO HIDE. ''Now, that's what would call a dar- ing costume"
 "yvhy, great many women appear on the streets wearing fewer clothes" That may be true. but you seldom zee one wearing such short skirt with such pronounced curvature of the lower limbs"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-11-11
,,u,,., o, ,h. Associated Pres.

TELEPHONE Bell (private exchange connecting aII departmentsl Main 43OO.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-11-11
Making rAososr.pl. ef ceIesritie.


 .svben went to make a photograph Friday of Governor Catts of Florida for Dolly Dalrymple's story" said J. F. Knox of the Birmingham View conn pany. q had never seen the governor before but had read great deal aoout him and his election in Florida, so' naturally, was quite anxious to sec him.
 q found him to be one of tho most agreeable men I ever met; dignined' but very friendly, and he was very gracious about having his picture made, He said he didn't mind bit, provided it didn't break the camera; and it didn't, because the governor IS fine subject for photography; pis' robust and clear featured. "TIe chatted all the while was max ina his picture about the war-tha' seems to be the subject on his mind more than anything eise-and he tol6 me he had two boys in the service now one in the army and the other in the | navy. I've photographed many noted people. but I never met anybody more agreeable than Governor Cats"