davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Iowa County democrat. [volume] (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1877-1938, 1917-10-11
LITANY OF THETRENCHES

When you're in the army two
things are certain.
Either you're modified or
you're not modified.
If you're not modified, then
there is no use to worry.
If you are modified two
things are certain.
Either you're at the front, or
you're behind the front.
II you're behind the front,
then there is no use to worry.
If you're at the front, then
two things are certain.
Either you're in a battle, or
you're not in a battle.
If you're not in a battle, then
there is no use to- worry.
If you're in a battle, then two
things are certain.
Either you're wounded or
you're not wounded.
If you're not wounded, then
there is no use to worry.
If you're wounded, then two
things are certain.
Either you're wounded slight
ly or you're wounded severely.
If you're wounded slightly,
then there is no use to worry.
If you're wounded severely,
then two things are certain.
Either you will recover, or
you will die.
If you will recover, then there
is no use to worry.
If you die, you can't worry,
anyway, so what's the use?
Iowa County democrat. [volume] (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1877-1938, 1917-10-11
The Thrills of Youth.

After all, the joys of youth are fairly
well distributed between the sexes and,
while girl does not know the thrill
that comes when one gets into ones
first pair of long pants, though even
that may fall to her lot before long
now, on the other hand boy doesn't
know what it is to be girl and walk
around town with a soldier in uniform
where the other girls can see.-Ohio
State Journal.
Iowa County democrat. [volume] (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1877-1938, 1917-10-11
Very Important.

They say that everything one learns
in youth helps one in maturity, and,
while you wouldn't think at first blush
that it would do a college girl so very
much good to learn to high-jump 8 feet
2 inches, on sober second thought we
suppose it gives her a distinct advan-
tage over her less highly trained sisters
when the mice come around in after
life.-OhiO State Journal.
Iowa County democrat. [volume] (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1877-1938, 1917-10-11
Difficult LANGUAGE.

An intelligent Frenchman was study
the English language. "When I dis
covered that if I was tied 1 was fast,
if I spent too freely I was fast, and
that not to eat was to fast, I was dis
couraged. But when I came across
the sentence, the first one won one
guinea prize was tempted to give up
trying to learn English
Iowa County democrat. [volume] (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1877-1938, 1917-10-11
Mrs Smith Recommends Chamber
Iain's Tablets.

Il have had more or less stomach
trouble for eight or ten years, writes Mrs G. II.
Smith, Beaverton, N. Y. when suffering
from attacks of indigestion and heaviness after
eating, one or two of Chamberlain's Tablets
have always relieved me. I have also found
them pleasant laxative" These tablets tone
up the stomach and enable it to perform
it's functions naturally. If you are troubled
with indigestion give them trial, get we'll
and stay well.
Iowa County democrat. [volume] (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1877-1938, 1917-10-11
A junk.

Junk is the name Of a vessel in COM
mon use in the river and coastal trade
of China. 1t is also used by the Jap
anese. The junk has a high forecastle
and poop, and ordinarily three masts.
Junks, although clumsy vessels, inca
pable of much seamanship or speed,
have proved themselves very seawor-
thy. The junk of Japan is consider
ohlu c11no,.inr RI +hot 1Ico6 in China
Iowa County democrat. [volume] (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1877-1938, 1917-10-11
Sour Stom ach.

Eat slowly, masticate your food
thoroughly, abstain from meat for few days
and in most cases the sour stomach will dis
appear. If it does not, take one of Cham
berIain's Tablets Immediately after supper
Red meats are most likely to cause sour stom
ach and you may find it best to cut them out
Iowa County democrat. [volume] (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1877-1938, 1917-10-11
Anomalies of War Prices.

Kansas City-It is rather extradr-
binary fact that in some parts Of the
Southwest wheat is fed to hogs, being
cheaper than corn-which is now S2.05
bushel, and scarce at that. This prac-
tice is not general, however, as there
is a sentiment against using wheat for
ouch purposes
Iowa County democrat. [volume] (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1877-1938, 1917-10-11
That DISCOURAGED Him.

An exchange asks: -"What has be-
come Of the old-fashioned doctor who
used to write, Take q heaping dime
full of this powder three times day?'
We fancy, brother, he was knocked out
by the old freshman who, not having a
dime handy, loaded up nickel twice
and nearly croaked.-Boston Tran
script.
Iowa County democrat. [volume] (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1877-1938, 1917-10-11
Cure for Unrest.

"The true cure for alcoholism, indus
trial fatigue and unrest" says the
Medical Record, "is the provision of
decent surroundings in the factory and
in, the home, adequate wages, leisure
and relaxation"
Iowa County democrat. [volume] (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1877-1938, 1917-10-11
Chamberlain's Cough Remedy the
Most Reliable.

After many years experience in the
use of it and other cough medicines there are
many who prefer Chamberlain's to any other.
Mrs A. G. KRISTEN, Greenville, Ills, writes,
'.Chamberlains Cough Remedy has been used
in my mothers home and mine for years, and
we always found it a quick cure for colds and
bronchial troubles We find it to be the most
reliable cough medicine we have used.''
Iowa County democrat. [volume] (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1877-1938, 1917-10-11
Always a Possibility.

eff I were young man again." said
a mechanic in middle life, "I would go
to the farm and become Independent,
and nothing could hold me-" Is every
young man sure he won't be saying the
same thing some day?-St. Louis Pho
neer Press.
Iowa County democrat. [volume] (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1877-1938, 1917-10-11
MarshaII's Family Large.

John Marshall, chief justice of the
United States, was one of family or
fifteen children, all of whom lived to
maturity and nearly all of whom en-
inva1 rina old age
Iowa County democrat. [volume] (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1877-1938, 1917-10-11
Could Not Break Wife of Smoking.

Trenton, N. J.-Because he could not
break his wife of smoking, Joseph Ma
gee sued for a divorce, which was
granted. Magee declared that his
wife had also admitted that she was a
thief.
Iowa County democrat. [volume] (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1877-1938, 1917-10-11

Maud-Isn't 80 to so too old to hope
for any impairment? I should say not. One
Just begins to live. Take HOLSTERS Rocky
Mountain Tea; you will be blooming fair at Co.
35c. Tea and Tablets.--Ivey Pharmacy.
Iowa County democrat. [volume] (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1877-1938, 1917-10-11
Group.

If your children are subject to Group
geta bottle of Chamberlain S Cough Remedy,
and when the attack comes on be careful to
follow the plain printed directions. You will
be surprised at the qnick relief which it affords
Iowa County democrat. [volume] (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1877-1938, 1917-10-11

Constipation, indigestion, drive away
appetite and make you weak and sick. Hollis
ter's Rocky Mountain Tea restores the appetite,
drives away disease, builds up the system.
Natures wondrous herbs scientifically blended.
35c. Tea or Tablets.-Ivey's Pharmacy.
Iowa County democrat. [volume] (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1877-1938, 1917-10-11
HAS PERFECT BRAIN;
BECOMES AN AVIATOR

Boston.-Thomas James Aber-
nethy of West Pembroke, Me-,
whom the late Professor Muen-
sterberg found to be mentally
perfect, is one of 900 New Eng
land candidates selected for in !
struction as aviators. He heads
the list-but it is arranged al !
phabetically.
The Hays free press. [volume] (Hays, Kan.) 1908-1924, 1917-04-14
WHEAT NOT THE ONLY MONEY
CROP
Grow Grain Sorehums


Wheat, the big money crop IS fail
ing Us this year. That we still have
time 70 raise other cash crops this
year IS, however proved by the re-
suits on the plots and fields of the
Fort Hays Experiment Station. Grain
sorghGms, as the kafirs, milo, feterita,
have averaged fifteen bushels per
acre during the past seven years on
tie station. This past year, the Kan
SIS City market has paid so to 65
cents more per hundred weight for
kafir than for corn.
The Experiment Station viii have q
circular of the press next Monday,
giving the Stations results for the
varities and methods of culture found
most profitable IN this section OF the
state. These circulars viii be dis
tTibuted at pnce, but If you fail to
receive a copy, drop the Fort Hays
Experiment Station 2 card. and one
VII be mailed to YOU.
The Hays free press. [volume] (Hays, Kan.) 1908-1924, 1917-04-14
High School Notes

Leonard Bell, who has been absent
from school for the last two weeks on
account of an attack of pneumonia,
mas again resumed his school studies.
Coach Carmen and his boys went
TO Ellis, this Friday, to play the sec
ond game of the Golden Belt League.
Carmen has made a good start by
winning the first game Of the season.
Jacob Gross, Junior, has enlist
ed with Uncle Sans Volunteer
Cavalry at the Normal. Bunny Is
star IN athletics and viii make a
good soldier.
Ben WestbrOok carried off Miss
Hopkins IngersOl watch, but return
ed 1t before action was commenced
against him Ben says man ought
TO be shot for trying to steal an Ing
ersoD, but we are not so easily con-
WINGED as that
The fagpole driven from an up
right position to an angle of forty
i've degrees by the wind has been re-
paired and the flag now proudly
floats over the school house.
Coach Carmen and his diamond
squad left last Friday afternoon, for
Lacrosse, where they played the High
School OF that place They returned
mat evening rejoicing over the score
80 20 10, It being their first game and
victory for the Hays boys.
The Seniors under the direction of
Mrs Read are practicing hard on
| their play which IS to be given some
! time next week at the New Opera
House.
On account of church services Fri
day afternoon, the flag day parade
was put of until Monday afternoon.
The students Of grades and High
School joined the parade as II came
by the building They assembled IN
the Sheridan Coliseum and listened
to readings, talks, and music
The Scajawea Campfire girls, each
invited q little guest and went to the
Model School play grounds last Fri
day, after school. They played
games went over to the Fair grounds
and had a general good time. Later
they had lunch IN the school house
The little Blue birds present were,
Joy Huttie, Agnes Mcintosh, Rosa
lind Noble, Bernice Lee, Margaret
Meade, Virginia and Doris Schwaller,
Helen CoWan, Mary Ellis, Mildred
and Dorothy King, Eleanor Chitten-
den, Josephine Parker, Virginia Lee
Ford, Susan Madden and Catherine
Lewis.
The Hays free press. [volume] (Hays, Kan.) 1908-1924, 1917-04-14
Experiment Station Notes

Mr. J. II. Adams, the Stations Ell
hclent Office assistant has accepted q
position with the State Board of Agri-
cIture at Topeka This position car
rieS very substantial increase of sal
airy. The men of the Station gave a
farewell stag party TO Mr.. Adams,
Saturday night, in their club room at
the Station hotel.
Everyone attending the last Round
Up was delighted with the valuable
assistance the Normal School Band
and the Boy Scouts gave toward max
ing that day very pleasant as well as
profitable.
Mr.. J. B. Finkbiner, and VIM. Shade
have resigned and moved their fam
lies to Hays, where they both have
rood positions
The Hays free press. [volume] (Hays, Kan.) 1908-1924, 1917-04-14
First published March 81, 1917, Free Press)
PUBLICATION NOTICE
SIMMONS For Service on Non-Resident
Defendants.


Defendants.
THE STATE OF KANSAS to the unknown
heirs. eecutOrs. admins traitors, devisees
trustees and assigns OF Joseph z Wilson
and Jane s Wilson. his wife, deceased, ".
J. NELL If living, his unknown heirs. execa-
tors administrators. devisees, trustees and
assigns, If he be dead. The Western Farm
and Mortgage Company. If Il continues
to have legal existence. and II Dissolved
its successors. trustees and assigns, W
H BrevOort. living. his unknown heirs,
executors. administrators, devisees and IS.
signs, II he be dead and Gertrude Adkins
sole and only hir OF John C Adkins, de-
ceased. Greeting=
You are hereby notified that you as de-
PENDANTS have been sued by Fred Miller and
c A Miller, plaintiffs
This summons Is TO require you to answer
the petition fled by said plaintiffs in the
Clerks Office Of the Ellis County District
Court, IN the State Of Kansas on or before
the 14th day of May. 1917, or said peti-
ton VIII be taken true. and Judgment viii
be rendered quoting and confirming the title
IN said plaintiffs IN and TO the following de-
scribed real estate to witt Lots 3 and z IN
block Is, IN J. z Wilson's Addition TO the
City OF Hays. IN Ellis County Kansas and
forever barring and en5oininE each Of you
from claiming or asserting any right, title,
lien. estate therein; and for such other
Witness ny hand and the seal Of said
Court IN my Office, in the City Of Hays IN
the County Of Ellis this 2sth day Of
March. 1917 2. 3 Miller
Seal County Clerk
By J G. Feyerzbend, Deputy.
J P Shuts
Attorney for plaintiffs.
The Hays free press. [volume] (Hays, Kan.) 1908-1924, 1917-04-14
Famous eretna Green

Gretna Green is a village of Dunn
fries, border county of Scotland and
near the border line between Scotland
and England. Formerly a common re-
sort of runaway couples from England,
the practice was broken up by an act
of 1856, which provided that no mar
riage should be valid in Scotland IN
less one of the parties had lived in
Scotland for the 81 days next pre-
ceding the marriage. or had his or
her usual residence there at the time
The Hays free press. [volume] (Hays, Kan.) 1908-1924, 1917-04-14
a MilIion DoIIar Rain

A gentle rain commencing Wednes-
day afternoon, and lasting until
Thursday morning, relieved the long
drouth of about eight months Pro
baby an inch of moisture fell during
the time 1t viii insure the planting
OF larger acreage of spring crop.
Most fields of fall wheat in this vicin-
ity are dead and the farmers were wait
ing until a rain came so that they
could plant other crops The roads
were really muddy Thursday morn
ing, so much so that few automobiles
were out.
The Hays free press. [volume] (Hays, Kan.) 1908-1924, 1917-04-14
Community Effort

Lord Dundreary humorousIy ques-
toned whether any bird would be such
a ''darned fool as to go off and flock
all by himself" and Inherently, no
sane human being does it. We have
been doing things in groups for sew
eral hundred thousand years now, and
we have been getting better at it all
the time. There is still q long way to
go. That is where the preachers Of
community effort can help.
The Hays free press. [volume] (Hays, Kan.) 1908-1924, 1917-04-14
First published March 81. 1917. Free Pressl
Executor's Notice

State OF Kansas. Ellis County S.
In the Probate Court IN and for said county
In the matter OF the estate Of Cordelis r
Treat. Deceased
Notice Is hereby given that Letters Tes-
tamentzry have been granted 70 the under
signed the Last VIII and Testament Of
Corcelia r Treat, late Of said County. de-
ceased by the Honorable the Probate Court
CT the County and the State aforesaid dat
ed the 2Sth day of March A D., 1917 Nov
ali persons having claims against the said
Estate are hereby notified that they must
present the same 10 the undersigned for al
loWance within one year from the date Of
said Letters they may be preclu6ed from
any benefit from such Estate; and thGt II
such claims be not exhibited within three
years after the date CT said Letters, they
shall be forever barred
h D. Shafer. one of the exectOrs Of the
Last viii and Testament Of Cordeliz T.
= Treat. Deceased
The Hays free press. [volume] (Hays, Kan.) 1908-1924, 1917-04-14
recognized a Master.

Nat Goodwin's opinion upon the pro-
ductiOn of realistic pathos in comedy
may be accepted as academic Mr..
Goodwin said: 81 used to recite Good
by, JIM until I heard Riley do it.
Then I asked heaven TO forgive me,
and never tried it again Booth
Harrington, in Golfers Weekly.
The Hays free press. [volume] (Hays, Kan.) 1908-1924, 1917-04-14
THINkLETS
By HARRY sToCK)

The man with two pictures dis
played prominently in his room may
not be as tickle as one might think
One picture may be the likeness of
his sister or mother.
Organized baseball IS batting about
-0001 IN the series with organized
military training.
Every man, woman or child in this
nation can be as patriotic as the boys
who go to the front. The conServa-
ton of the national resources is one
of the first duties of a patriotic citi-
zen.
If every fence corner, every va
cant lot, every back yard were plant
ed the produce derived therefrom
would materially assist in this pres
ent war Every plant food value
grown will assist IN graduating Ger
many from this earth.
We are quite sure that the bone
dry law as inflicted upon Kansas, was
never meant to be as drastic in its
effects.
An Authors Club is the result of
number of aspirants who fail to OBJ
N'@iA- RNNAAOANy III any OlHOA "
A certain philosophical writer holds
to the theory that a rejection slip in
the pocket is worth years of self-de-
fusion.
The American public should be
thankful that the war has put an end
to inconsequental hapdoodle about
the Tariff
A woman expects to wait an hour
when she makes an appointement, but
/ man fuses and fumes if he has to
wait five minutes.
A telephone book is the greatest
leveler of ranks. Look at your own
and see.
A war map is the most useless
thing in the world. Next in line is
a red caravat.
A little bit of garden
In your own back yard
VIII help to feed the children
When the times are hard
oooo
Mrs. Wood B. Wise explains that
| her son, who is twenty-one and able
bodied; has the cornicular conjuc-
tivitis of the sub vascular ear-lobe
and can't join the army.
The Hays free press. [volume] (Hays, Kan.) 1908-1924, 1917-04-14
DANCING Has peteriorated-

Dancing in its earliest form among
primitive races, was a mode of ex-
preston for strong emotions, such as
JOY or sorrow, love and passion, and
even for the most solemn religious
sentiment, but in later ages it has be
come an amusement and has lost it's
high significance.
The Hays free press. [volume] (Hays, Kan.) 1908-1924, 1917-04-14
Bee Human Benefactor

Let US not call him hOney-bee that
pollinates more flowers than any other
agency; plain bee is higher title. We
largely depend on him for full crops of
apples, blackberries, raspberries and
Strawberries, peach, pears, pluInS,
ounces, beans, currants, cranberries,
cucumbers, grapes, melons, mulberries,
peas and squashes.
The Hays free press. [volume] (Hays, Kan.) 1908-1924, 1917-04-14
School Board Convention

The following Is the program for
the School Board Convention which
met IN Hays, April 18th.
1880 A. NJ
Benefit OF Modern School Buildings
Alex Rupp, Eearl Disney
The Teacher, from the Viewpoint OF
the School Board
John A. Mermis, 81. W Joy
The Standard School--John S. Bird
High School Instrction In Rural Com
munities
Sam GroF Iohn HerI
The Hays free press. [volume] (Hays, Kan.) 1908-1924, 1917-04-14

Little Miss Sarah went calling the
other day with her mother. At one
home the hostess little daughter gath
cred all Of her toys into her lap and
sat in her little chair holding them.
why, La Rue" rebuked her mother.
put down your toys so Sarah can play
with them" Il am just holding them,
mamma, so Sarah can have more room
to play
The Hays free press. [volume] (Hays, Kan.) 1908-1924, 1917-04-14
But No One Is Perfect.

ga perfect wife never nags," says q
writer in an exchange. That's true
Ald a perfect husband never gives
cause for NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS. Star.
The Hays free press. [volume] (Hays, Kan.) 1908-1924, 1917-04-14
Sam Croft, John Herl
1.30 P NJ.

1870 p. n.
Responsibility of the School Board
c. II. Wann
Agriculture In the Rural School Com
munIty
Chas- R Weeks, Supt. Fort Hays Ex-
pertinent Station
Hygiene and Sanitation
Dr. K c. Haas, H. o. Ellis County.
Late School Laws
L Christensen, County Supt
Election Of officers for ensuing year.
The Hays free press. [volume] (Hays, Kan.) 1908-1924, 1917-04-14

There viii be a dance at Yocemen-
70, Kansas, Saturday, April IA, 1917.
Everybody invited Good music Re
liable management And also at the
G. A R. Hall, Hays, Kansas, Thurs
day, April 10, 1917 Everybody IN
vited- Good music, etc
The Hays free press. [volume] (Hays, Kan.) 1908-1924, 1917-04-14
First Published March 81. 1917, Free Press
Administrators Notice.

State of Kansas. Ellis County S.
In the Probate Court in and for said Coun-
ty-
In the matter of the estate of Clark Wolf.
deceased
Notice is hereby given that Letters Of Ad-
ministratiOn have been granted to the under
signed on the Estate Of Clark Wolf, late Of
said County. deceased by the Honorable the
Probate Court OF the County and State STORE
said dated the 2sth day Of March, A D.
1917 Now, all persons having claims
against the said Estate hereby notified
that they must present the same 20 the
undersigned for allowance within one year
from the date of said letters they may be
precluded from any benefit Of such estate
and that II such claims be not exhibited
within three years after the date of said Let
tiers. they shall be forever barred
Bert B. McReynolds, Administrator. of the
Estate Of Clark Wolf, Deceased
The Hays free press. [volume] (Hays, Kan.) 1908-1924, 1917-04-14
If You Have AM Fault

TO find In the way-the affairs Of the
city are being run or IF any one is
violating any of the ordinances, If
you viii make your complains TO me
or any member OF the council we viii
do the best We can to straighten out
matters Geo. Philip.
The Hays free press. [volume] (Hays, Kan.) 1908-1924, 1917-04-14
CITY Council

At an adjourned meeting OF the
City Council Tuesday night, the fol-
lowing committees and city officers
were appointed.
Water and Sewer.@Jacobs, Chit
tenden, Sehueler.
Finance Dreiling, Klug, King.
Light.-Chittende Schueler, ia
cobS-
Fire.-King, Dreiling, Klug.
Board of Health Schueler, ia
cobs, Chittenden.
Ordinance and License Klug,
King, Dreiling.
Streets and AlIeys.-Geo Philip, Jr.
Chittenden, Jacobs, Schueler.
City Attorney.-C. n Holmquist.
City Marshall.-John Roth.
Purchasing Agent.-Mayor and
Council
Meeting Night.-First Thursday In
each month.
President of Council.-Alex Sehue-
Ter.
The Hays free press. [volume] (Hays, Kan.) 1908-1924, 1917-04-14
AUTO LIVERY

l am prepared to handle your auto
lIyery business, day or night service.
Cal phone 800, North Side Garage.
Chas. RiedeI.
The Hays free press. [volume] (Hays, Kan.) 1908-1924, 1917-04-14

Dr.. Snyder found in his mail last
tuesday, the following notice
Doctor:
You see by the notice in your
Kansas City Star Your country needs
your services.
a man. Show your coIors.
SEND IN your enlistment paper and
don't shirk at home. You have mo
children at home that need YOUR at
tention.
Your country needs its doctors in
Its enlistment camps Go. Co.
Had the sender of the above been
as prompt to tender his services to
the government as was DR.. SNYDER.
ne probably would be there now.
The Hays free press. [volume] (Hays, Kan.) 1908-1924, 1917-04-14

Free speech and a free press are
the bulwarks of free nation Tyran-
ny cannot flourish IN the same soil
with free speech and q free press.
The searchlight of publicity as Tyran-
ny's creates foe.
The Hays free press. [volume] (Hays, Kan.) 1908-1924, 1917-04-14

For sale or trade for town property
q new seven passenger Studebaker.
Alonzo Brumnnit.