The Washington herald., 1917-03-27
How to Be a Social Success
BY oRIsoN SWEET MARDEN,

very intelligent young woman Of my
acquaintance who has always lived in
the country and has travelled little to
speak Of, suffers tortures whenever she
| visits friends In the city, because she
| lmag1nes she is conspicuously lacking In
social graces and ignorance Of city
etiquette. Her friends do everything
in their power to give her. pleasure and
make her happy but their efforts are use
| less. She Is so afraid she is going to
| say or do the wrong thing that her ignor-
ance of social forms Is going to embar-
Frass her and humiliate her friends. that
she feels as though she were on nettles
every minute. And for weeks after she
returns home she is miserable, thinking
over what fool she has made Of her
self while in the city.
When strangers are not present this
young woman can be very charming, but,
like thousands OF other young people.
she makes herself miserable in company
| by thinking of her imaginary shortcom-
| inss and defects Her selfconsciousnes
robs her of all naturalness and ease.
| Many people are unhappy and unpopu-
lar because they are always thinking
of their defects, thinking of themselves
as possessing unpopular or unfortunate
| traits that repel people. They are con-
| scious that they are not good mixers, and
the consciousness makes them morbid
and unsociable.
There are plenty Of men who have
courage enough to walk to the cannon's
mouth in battle. and yet are towards
In drawing-room Self-consciousnes
| robs them Of all spontaneity and natural
ness. They often appear cold, reserved.
naughty and stifr when in reality they are
quite the reverse. They are tortured
| when in society or in any public place.
imagining that they are under constant
observation and scrutiny, that every one
is looking at and criticising them.
You can't do anything we'll: you never
can appear at your best, while you are
thinking about yourself. your failings.
or your weaknesses. This is true in small
as we'll as big things
The only way to overcome shyness and
be at ease is to forget yourself This is
the secret OF social success
II timid. seh-conscious people would
only try to realize that other people are
too much wrapped up in themselves and
their own affairs to think very much
about them they would be spared a great
deal Of misery. Keeping this ono fact in
mind would help them wonderfully to rid
themselves of their handicap.
One of the great troubles with most shy
people is that they are victims Of what
we might call "a feeling OF separateness."
They seem to regard themselves as sepa-
rate units, without any real vital connec-
ton with the great source OF their being.
Although they may have a vague sort OF
idea that they are made in Gods image.
yet they do not have an abiding sense of
their inseparableness from Him. OF the
strength that is theirs II they only claim
and use 1t. That is. they minimize the
God in them. their divine qualities and
attributes. They act as II they were not
| conscious OF their unity with Him, as II
they thought their strength came from
outside. that It is something put into
them rather than living, throbbing con-
| nection with their Maker.
| When these people are convinced OF
| their absolute inseparableness from their
Creator; when they realize that divine
power, Omnipotence, Is flowing through
| them. is throbbing in every atom of their
being. and that they cannot possibly be
separated or cut of from this perpetual
inflow of divinity, they Immediately look
| They take on new courage, new conf
| dence; they have a new estimate of their
power and dignity. They attain the poise
| Of self-confidence.
| Parents and teachers could very easily
help children to overcome the tendency
to shyness while the mind is plastic and
| responsive to influence and advice In
|
calling attention to It, make q child be-
lieve in himself. Show him that he Is
child of Omnipotence and that there
is something splendid in him. Make
him understand that he must not be
afraid of people because they also are
children Of the same Omnipotence, and
so are in reality all big brothers and
sisters. Encourage him to mix with other
children and to Join in their games, to
answer people frankly and fearlessly
when spoken to. and always to be as
natural as possible wherever he is I'm
press upon him that the people he meets
| outside are as friendly to him as those
in his own home. and that he may be
| Just as free in speaking to them as to
his own father and mother.
In this way any child may be COM
pletely cured Of q tendency to shyness
or self-effacing timidity, which II allow
ed to 90 unchecked might seriously ham
dicap him in later life.