The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1917-03-29

10 otherwise happy and respectable
parents an embryonic legislator He
made his debut in the midst of thun.
der-clap. This fact may or may not
have been prophetic, but in after life
he manifested decided fondness for
applause.
With no cOnnivance on his part, the
infant Scion was named Thomas JEFF
ferson Monroe Miller His mother did
the naming. while his father, a sue
cesSful retail butcher, stood by in mute
protest, thinking of the day when his
son should learn the meat business
from the bottom up. Thomas Jeffer-
son Monroe, the elder Miller knew,
would find the delivery baskets heavy
enough without carrying any excess
baggage in the way of name. But
the maternal boss" had decided that
her son was cut out for better things
than constant association with steaks
and chops and. in the end she had her
way. thus depriving the world of an
other perfectly competent butcher.
At the age of eighteen Thomas JET.
ferson Monroe Miller began to feel
that his mothers confidence in him
was more than justified The vista
of his ambition included a front ele-
walton of the Presidential chair.
During his college course, the pro
spective statesman was so busy set
ting the affairs Of the nation in ora
torical contests and debates that he
had no time to spend on the problems
of trigonometry. At the end of four
years he had developed magnificent
rush of words to the face and. although
he was somewhat puny in mathemat-
les, the faculty decided that the best
way to get rid of him was to hand
him his sheepskin.
BY this time our future legislator
had grown wonderful crop of back
hair that curled gracefully over his
collar, and had acquired the habit of
posing for his photograph with a cor
rugated look about his brow and his
right hand in the breast Of his coat.
By comparison with the most authori-
tative portraits, he was every inch
statesman, so he returned to his ma
tive State and offered his services to
the boss" of the Party in Power.
The hard hearted political car
would have none of him, however, and
Thomas jefferson came to the conclu-
sion that the Party in Power was cor
rupt. Therefore, he Joined the ranks
of the Reform Party and lent the
crushing weight of his oratory in an
effort to convince the plain peepul"
that the Predatory Pilferers in Office
had stolen everything but the brass
hinges on the Capitol door,
After several years of incessant ora
tory, the promising youth was sent to
the legislature on the Reform Ticket
He won instant recognition by propos
ing bill to prevent employers from
speaking harshly to their employees.
That was the first of series of spec
tacular laws which he managed to
have enacted to curb the iniquitous
tendencies Of Big Business"
With the naked eye the busy legis-
lator could not have told an invoice
from a petty cash account high
powered ear trumpet would not have
the loom from the chant of the buzz
saw, but his six-cylinder self starting
Oratory had to have some kind of a
road to run on and the avenue Of in
dustry was the most inviting to his
hectic eye In other words the busy
legislator consecrated his lung power
to the work of helping the various leg
sc1o hp1 Of Z ho
their record for enacting an aggregate
of 10000 new statutes per annum deal
ing with production. distribution. en-
ployment and organization Like most
Industrial reformers, he possessed the
rare genius for managing other peo-
pies affairs.
AS a result of his active legislative
campaign, several Of the biggest man
ufacturing houses in the State were
curbed into bankruptcy, but the jobless
employees gathered round the remains
and gave Three Cheers" for the
Friend of the Nottingham"
In a few years Thomas jefferson
Monroe Miller had Big Business
gasping on the mat and pleading for
help. There was apparently nothing
left to curb but by that time he had
contracted an Unsuitable thirst for reg
ulating things, so he turned his atten-
ton to the liberties of the individual.
He made it crime for a man to put
his feet on the desk while debating to
his steuographor Next he put through
a statute forcing restaurants to have
on hand a stock OF MaEim <ilencers for
diners whose a4dillc f@uduess for soup
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