The Mount Holly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1891-1942, 1917-02-27
Twice d
Home.
A Widows Experience
By ESTHER vANDEyEER

IL By ESTHER VANDEVEER III
My love for Edward Lane began
when we were both SO young that nei-
Their of us could remember q time
/ when it did not exist. His fathers
| place was but a short distance from
1 ours. Indeed, the rear line marked the
limits Of both places. On one side OF
this line was the playground of the
several children, boys and girls, in
Guiding Edward and myself, who lived
in the neighborhood. / can remember
| as far back as when / was seven years
old and Edward nine that in playing
keep house he and always played the
part of husband and wife. There was
a swing ON this playground, and Ed
| wards father put up articles for
boys gymnasium. A little house four
or five feet high was built for us girls
and furnished with toy furniture. At
times we would leave our dolls there
all night, first putting them to bed.
When / grew taller could not I'M
derstaad how l could have stood up
right in that little house. And what
seemed more remarkable to me was that
Edward could have done so, for he was
always large child And remember
that when he had been away to school
for long while and came back he was
taller than the house.
BY this time we were growing out of
childhood into that intermediate period
when, though boys and girls may feel
love, they are not likely to express it.
It Is a period of transition from child
love to real love. The boy mind is taken
up with athletic sports, while the girl
hides her secret almost from herself.
Indeed, so nebulous is this period that
In my own case it is difficult for me to
recall my exact feelings 1 remember
them family and as existing at inter-
walls. They were rather small portion
of my girls existence than the whole
Of it.
When / was sixteen was awakened
to the true condition by the marked
preference displayed by another girl
for my Edward From that time my
love became the principal instead Of a
minor part In my life. failed to con-
ceal my jealousy from him, and this
brought out his own consciousness Of
what, was between u.s. There was no
formal declaration, no conventional
giving of the hand, not even the low
ers' kiss. He merely said something
about the other girl, l know not what,
but it assured me there was no change
In our position since the days when
we played husband and wife at keep
ing house-n0 change in the position |
but great change In the condition
1t had then been like winter bud, but |
it was now swollen under spring sun
ready to put forth leaves.
l sometimes wished that could have |
experienced the proposal that other |
girls seemed to regard the next most |
important moment in their lives to
their marriage. Edward and l had no
occasion for proposal. Our love was |
rather, as l have said, an unfolding of |
a bud than the birth OF butterfly. |
The only abrupt part of it was when
he gave me the first kiss. l treasured |
that in lieu of proposal.
When we were married great changes |
had occurred. had been left alone In |
the world, SO it was arranged that we
should occupy my house. Our living |
room was on the second floor, over
looking the playground where we had |
pretended to be husband and wife. |
The faint dream of childhood had been |
developed to realization of almost |
perfect happiness. If there could be a
perfection on earth these five years of /
my life, from twenty to twenty-five,
were such condition. Two children |
were born to us, boy and girl !
What seemed strange to me was that,
though, l gave them a boundless love, |
that which ] bore their father, instead |
Of being diminished, was increased. |
Truly love must be, like space. infinite. |
Up to this point there had been an
expansion Of happiness. Suddenly |
there came a check Our younger
child sickened and died. l have de-
scribed with some minuteness what |
have Hkened to the gradual unfolding |
Of flower. | have no heart to give |
more than a brief mention of its blight |
ing. Within few months after the
first death second occurred. and
within another year lost my husband.
For time l was in sort of col |
lapse, In which | did not take enough /
interest In my surroundings to be af- |
fected by them. After one has met |
with serious accident or has been |
operated upon by surgeon the senses
are deadened; then comes the begin /
ming of pain. 1t was SO with me-
When became myself my surround
ings were painful to me. Some per
sons similarly situated nurse their
grief by living in such surroundings |
I longed to get away from them.
Friends advised me to seek recovery |
In the many new scenes and interest
ing objects that are to be found abroad.
took their advice. sailed for Eu-
rope, leaving the place where l had |
been so happy in the hands Of an agent
for sale. One thing | was resolved |
upon-neyer to return to it.
1t may be considered that my story |
is one of coincidence. 1t is more than
that 1t is an Illustration of the very
different conditions that may occur In |
the life of single person. Masters |
of romance have maintained that there |
should be In song or story but one |
love. PlaywrigAts never bring sec
0nd on to the stage They portray |
rather romance than real life and do |
not give all that real life needs They |
are of the same order as the people of |
India, who believe that the wife should |
die on the funeral pyFeof her husband.
l may be weaker than. some women |
or may be stronger. Possibly may !
have less depth of feeling, though that !
will not admit. saw only in nursing !
my grief dreadful life before me. ! |
recognized the principle that no two |
absorbing ideas can occupy the brain |
at one time. | did all that | could to |
interest myself in what was about me. |
True, l did not at first succeed and |
when did only partially so. I dread |
ed the word forget, and yet l realized |
that to avoid suffering l must tempo |
rarily forget forced myself to- feel
that after time would be reunited |
with my loved ones and that mean
while / must, except occasionally, put
them out of my mind
made my home abroad. Three |
years after my bereavement l married |
again. | did so partly because was |
lonely, partly because / wished for a |
man to rely upon. as Is natural to any |