Arizona republican., 1917-12-25
For Sale Miscellaneous

A CHRIsTMAs EPISODE

A newly welded pair who had long disported with love thought to pass through life like Cleopatras gilded craft as it beautifully skinned the crested peaceful wave. He had been taught by a painstaking mother, the culinary art, while she, brought up in luxury was only taught the adornment | of her body, and a spattering of Greek f But, bless her determination she de sired practical household knowledge,- and she got it.-Oscar. lovingly called | "Ossie,n after Christmas purchase of a bronzed bird, of immense propor- tiOns plucked and scared the same, ! save tail feathers and wing tips. which | he left for adornment not failing to use fancy colored tissue. to finish Identification Now Emmaline" - lovingly called Em,-place your turkey in the double baker, stuff him well, and when cooking, haste frequent, this be- ing the art of bringing forth the fowl, juicy and enriched. His orders were faithfully carried out by En-" thus far:-Nothing had been said about if nal removal of feathers, neither was the removal of intestines Cleft to retain the fluids of body) mentioned Ossie | doubtless thinking, common sense | would prevail there. Uninterrupted, 1 the first hours, "Em' got on finely, using her "baster," frequent, but woe | to her, in comes @ bevy of female ac quaintances. from the moment of whose entry, all else was forgotten. | The meal hour drawing near, they all ! left to don an evening dress, and being ! invited guests. to soon return. 'Ossie'
 was somewhat delayed in his coming, and found his wife Hurried and ner-
 vOus, all of which was soon dispelled by loving embrace and frequent ''tisses.' At last the call for dinner
 came, and a tidier housewife never ap- peared, than En- in cap and gown.
 Before dinner is served said the host,
 let us join in conversation, and each boldly proclaim as to which diet of bird, beast reptile. or fish for mortal,
 is most conducive to health, and long
 life.-We read of the herbivorous, grammivorous, carnivorOus, and frug-
 iverous ages, a little eXpatiation over
 which, might be beneficial. "Ossie''
 said Elm let us talk of matters spir-
 itual on this eventful day, but I pro
 pose. that we serve the turkey first E
 Bravo. shouted the guests with water
 ing mouths, and expectancy at a soar
 ing height,-the bird was brought. Now
 you may know that baked entrails, and
 scorched feathers, are not of epicurean
 desire, and as each held a nose while
 the blackened, crisped. lump of what remained of a gobbling strutting beautious creature, which in life witt
 vanity o'erfloWing was admittedly the
 king of its kind,-I say as eacI , held their respective nosUils Os-
 sic screamed, for gods sake Emaline
 take it away! take it away! |
 stinks, It stinks!"-Paralyzed witt
 anger and trembling. Elm laid it before
 him, and assuming a dictators pose
 looked him over. The window wa:
 open, but screen closed:-This offered
 no incumbrance, as turkey, plate anC !, a. slimy gravy all crashed through, t(
 the horror, dismay and terror, of thes,
 once smiling guests. There was nc thanks offered. no clinking goblets. nc festive and furtiye wit, and no eulo- = giums and well wishes, at that table but as each gathered their robes abou X them. tears dimmed the eye, and the, quietly stole away-"Em'' is back witt
 mother now: Ossie is studying how tt
 make amends
 He's up against it: So am l.
 l There's no use on earth for me f, r talk buy, to youse "geesers," for il 7 the first place, your tighter than a bee 7 bottles pork, and when you do spent
 1Oc you make more fuss about it thai | the resound from that beer bottle fly . ing heavenward.
 This is Christmas; open your heart
 your purse, your soul but shut you
 mouth:-Q'll bet, a raft of you. today 5, open that, wider than a swing gate Not one of you put even a chestnut ol K the tree, for me last night, altho' a 't enemy did lay one gum-drop on desl r. with note saying, chew it. and m IT wish is, that it proves. the last drop i l. the bucket" How's that for Christ e mas greeting?
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