Williams news., 1917-01-25
than I ever had thus far in my life.

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 ''Do you think that will help you?" said Saunders severely.
 "Yes, sir," I said humbly.
 'You don't need any moreT' he asked anXiously.
 "No," said. almost frantically. q can take hint"
 Because we've laid in a whole bar rel" said Saunders, just for your use. Now, has anyone else any complaint against Simmons?"
 His head is swelled," said Hog boom.
 'Oh, awfully," said Allie Bangs, who was freshman himself, but had con- valesced early.
 "He's afraid to go through anything but a double door,"
 "He talks about US representative men,"
 ''He wonders if we appreciate his coming here to school"
 ''He patronizes the professors"
 One by one they diagnosed my feel ings so accurately that shuddered Never had heard what I thought put into words in that photograph fashion. When the indictment was finished I wanted to take the first kick at my self.
 "Are we agreed that Simmons head is too larger" asked Saunders finally.
 eve are," was the chorus.
 "Then soak it," said Saunders. A large pail, the kind they used in sta bles, was brought in filled with water I was up-ended and lowered head first into this about dozen times. Then, while l sat and coughed and wheezed and spattered water from my aching lungs and nose, Saunders addressed me severely.
 "Simmons." he said, "you are reS garded as one of the college marvels. Your head is so large that the faculty | doesn't know whether you are a hu- | man being or a satellite on legs. You | have got to reduce it about three thou sand sizes, and we are going to help you all we can. We won't charge you anything for our services, either. Now, what other complaints are there against Simmons?" 'He dresses too 1oud," said half a | dozen men at once. "You can't hear the college bell for him." said Hogboom. "The clothiers buy horrible things l and bet on him whether he'll buy them or not" said Wilbur.
 "He buys shouting socks and rolls his trousers up to show them," said | my old friend Bailey.
 "Very well," said Saunders, "what shall we do for it?" Barrel, barrel" came the answer. "Simmons, the frat thinks you'll look better in barrel" said Saunders. "Just step into the other room, take | off those remarks and get into the bar rel you'll find there." felt my way out of the room with cries of "Hurry up!' and Lively, you!" chasing me. I stripped to my underclothes and got into the barrel. Come out" called Saunders. ] grabbed the barrel by the edge and came shivering into the room. As l stood there with precipitation stains and salt on my face, bare arms hold | ing up my costume with deathlike grip, and half a yard of bare legs pro- truding from the lower end of the bar rel, awakened more enthusiasm than | had ever dreamed of creating, even | in my most ambitious flights of imag- ination. Shrieks, yells and cheers, gasps, howls and mysteries came from my loving brethren. AS they quieted down they began to comment on my appearance.
 "Is that the way a god looks in his underwent" | "I thought he was mostly clothes" | "He looks a lot better, though, with out that vest"
 "H doesn't strut as much in that barrel"
 "He ought to wear it all the time He wouldn't be able to pound his ac- quaintances on the back"
 "Nor smoke cigarettes on the campus"
 "His young lady friends ought to see him in this rig. It might save lot of broken hearts"
 "All right, touch off the f1ashlight."
 "Bang!"
 Then they let me go up to my room  and put on some old clothes. I want. ed to stay there and inhale illuminat. ing gas, but when Hogboom called to me I got out of that room in two jumps. Somehow I couldn't bear to think of disappointing that crowd in anything they might want.
 When I returned there was a large blackboard in one end of the room Saunders was standing before it Brothers" said he, "have you any other fault to find with this fresh. man?"
 "He borrows clothes," said Win. throp.
 "You bet he does," snorted Bailey who roomed with me. "I can't keep a tie to myself ten minutes"
 ''That's bad fault" said Saunders | ssTf o,,rht to ho x,-orfh