The Lakeland evening telegram. (Lakeland, Fla.) 1911-1922, 1917-06-18
The BACHELORS
CLUB
There Was a Penalty For
Marriage
By RICHARD MARKLEY

nt+-FEE++
The Bachelors club was an associa-
ton of men who regarded themselves
as being especially happy in not hav-
ing wife, child or home and who look
ed upon women as designing persons
who made it their business to enslave
men, usually by some undetermined
means altogether reprehensible.
The Bachelors club came to order.
the president in the chair.
"Fellow bachelors" he said, lone Of
our number has committed matrimony.
Edward Hammerton has taken to him
self wife. will read article Z of
our constitution, applying to his case:
when any member shall become en-
gagged or has been married he shall pay
q fine and his membership in the club
shall cease. He shall state the arts by
which he was SHARED. If there are pali-
ating circumstances in his case he shall
not pay the whole fine, but such portion
of it as the club may consider a just
amount in his case
Mr.. Hammerton will now make his
statement"
81 assure you. gentlemen" said the
retiring member, that no intention
whatever to desert you ever entered
my head until diabolical combination
Of young women in the town where
live forced matrimony upon me. These
persons organized a club based on
custom prevailing in a foreign land.
Between the mountains Of India and
Persia, l have since understood, is a
powerful tribe, among whom the ladies'
can choose their own husbands. All a
single woman has to do when she
wishes to change her state is to send a
servant to pin handkerchief to the
hat of the man on whom her fancy
lights, and he is obliged to marry her
unless he can show that he Is too poor
to purchase her at the price her father
requires.
Inspired by this suggestion from a
land where secret venomous methods
underlie all social conditions, every I'M
married woman in the town where
live formed a club-rather, entered upon
q cOnspiracy-to force the bachelors
into matrimony. One morning, being
about to leave my home, on taking my
hat from the hall closet something soft
and scented futtered against my hand
] shuddered. l had touched the Indian
poison flower and was reminded of its
waxen petals and its seductive odor
Taking the hat to the light, saw
pinned to 1t blue silk handkerchief
in one corner Of which was embrOid-
cred my monogram in white silk
thread. Observe, gentlemen, the in
sinuating method Of this designing
creature She not only knew how dear
to every man is his alma mater but
she was aware that blue is the color
Of my college.
Mind you, gentlemen, l did not at
the time know of this society or Of
its malevolent purpose, for the mem.
bers kept both secret so long as posi-
bic. asked my butler how the hand
kerchief came to be pinned to my hat,
He said that the servant Of Miss Euge-
mia Tomlinson, living at the other end
OF the street, had called before / was
out Of bed, asked for my hat and at
tached the handkerchief Why he had
done so he did not state.
Going to my club after had break.
tasted, l sat down to a cigar and q
paper In the paper l read full ac-
count Of the organization and prac-
tices Of this pestilent Indian plant that
had been imported to our soil. l also
read list of the bachelor heads that
had already fallen and was aghast to
see the names Of two of my most init.
mate friends.
Great heavens cried, the per.
SEPARATION starting out on me, and ]
have already received a deadly Black
Hand notification
THE lady who had thus marked me
Tor matrimonial misery, both from heI
beauty and general attractiveness, was
all powerful. Any man on whom she
pinned the skull and crossbones must
walk the plank. There was no hope
for him. Nevertheless. though seeing
the signal to heave to, made up my
mind to pay no attention to 1t. l sim
ply sailed on, minding my own bust
ness"
"Why didn't you take to an aero
planeg member interrupted.
"Rats!' "Buncomber' Brave boy!'
and the like greeted the speaker.
Zone week after the receipt of tn,
signal" he continued, "the period giver
blacklisted bachelors by this club.
met one of my most respected wome1
friends on the street. She cut me dead
The same day ! met several others anC
received the cut direct from all. Her,
was. indeed. a boycott. You must re
member, gentlemen, that, although W,
do not wish to surrender our independ
ence to these creatures, to be ostra
cized by them is serious matter. II
time | was cut by every unmarrie,
woman in town. Besides. the most at
tractive married women were honorar,
members of the club and Joined tn,
boycott.
And then, gentlemen, appeared tn
most alluring feature of this malignan
scheme. Last of all my feminine &C
quaintances l met the girl into who's
tolls 1t was intended that should fall