Atlanta semi-weekly journal. (Atlanta, Ga.) 1898-1920, 1917-06-01
BY DOROTHY DIX.

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BY DOROTHY DIX.
SCDEoPLE often wonder" said the
woman in gray, why so many
married couples, who really
love each other and try to do their
duty. get along so inharmoniously to-
sether. and particularly why in-laWs
may always fight like cats and dogs.
II think that the wonder is all the
other way about, and that the amazing
Thing is that a man and woman. coming
OF different blood and traditions and
brought up with different ideas and
tastes adjust themselves to each other
as well as they do in the close confines
of matrimony. And it's n marvel that
any woman can ever come into another
family without causing friction.
It's one OF natures grim little jokes
that, while our opposites attract US be-
fore marriage, our opposites repel US
after marriage We fall in love with
man or woman because he or she is
entirely different from the kind of peo-
pie to whom we are accustomed. but
after we are married this very differ
ence irritates US and gets on our
nerves And it makes US persona non
grata, as the diplomats say, to our in
laws.
at might not make for the good of
the race for each of US to marry our
double, so to speak, but it certainly
would make for peace and happiness in
the domestic circle. Also. 1T would
stop divorce and make matrimony one
glad sweet song. for, after all. the peo-
pie we really enjoy are not those with
whom we are in perpetual argument.
but those who think as we do from poll
tics to pie. and who look at life from
the same point OF view that we do.
But we don't marry our likes.
When a young fellow goes to pick out
a wife. instead OF selecting a girl of
his own circle. he hunts around and
finds one who differs in every respect
from his mother and sisters, who really
represent his ideal Of womanhood, and
he marries this outlander, pumps her
down among his own folks and expects
them to fall on each others necks and
for everybody to be happy and congen-
ial
us II surprising that a man and a
woman, who see everything in the world
from a different angle, clash? Or that
women of different families. with differ
ent ideas on every subject under the
sun, when suddenly thrown into the in
timacy OF family life, jar on each 9TH
Ing pot Of matrimony turns out as good
a product as 1t does.
Take my own case, for instance /
come of a reserved New England fami-
ly, where individuality and personal lib
erty amounted almost to a fetish. From
the time I can remember l had my own
room, my own desk. my own clothes, my
own books. my own belongings.
MY privacy was sacred. My mother
would no more have thought OF opening
one of my letters or. rummaging
through my desk than she would have
taken such liberties with the president
of the United States She welcomed
my condolences, but she would have
thought 1t beneath her dignity and mine
to try to find out anything that / did
not voluntarily tell her.
well, along comes John, a young
Lochinvar out of the west. big. hearty,
expansive. with not a single reserve in
his whole makeup. OF course, we fell
in love with each other because we
were the differnt poles of humanity.
and we were married and went west
to live among his people.
His sisters received me with open
arms, and, what was to me. a shock
ing and vulgar curiosity. They asked
me a million intimate questions that
made me feel that 1 was being put
through a third degree. but which 1
now know was inspired by only a
friendly and affectionately interest in
me. They paved over my trousseau
and tried on my hats and gowns and
even borrowed such of my fnery as
suited their tastes.
"I cannot tell you with what repul-
sion this filled me. 1t made them
seem savages to me, and / mortally
offended them by giving them the
things that they had worn. because I
could no more have put on a garment
that had touched somebody else's flesh
than could have used another persons
tooth brush
AT first my in-laws were just be-
wildered Then they became indignant.
and to this day they dislike me and
Think me stuck up and proud, when
there's nothing the matter with either
Of us except that we were just raised
so differently.
And my experience with my hus-
band came near to being a tragedy.
Never shall I forget the morning I
came into breakfast and found that he
had opened one Of my letters and was
reading ii. 1 famed into a sudden pas
sion at what I considered the indignity,
and we had a scene that left scars that
ache to this day. I felt that my rights
as an lnO1VlOudl were DelHS OulIdBSu"
He felt that a wife had no individual
ity aside from her husband.
But there are things that my moth
err and sisters write me that are not
intended for anyone but me to know.
I'D tell you anything about mine"
he replied.
You shouldn't tell me- l. protested.
But he couldn't understand. and for
many years the letter proposition was
a sore subject between us.
John and his family were also the
kind of people that talk things over
endlessly before and after they do
them. They tell all their plans, their
hopes their ambitions to anyone who
will listen. To me this has always
seemed the weakest kind of babble. L
simply can't do it. and because 7 don't
proclaim from the housetops what I
intend doing, they consider me secretive
and look upon me with an eye Of sus-
picion.
"All the trouble there has ever been
between John and myself, and between
me and his family, goes straight back
to the way we were brought up, and
the difference in our temperaments. and
that's what makes me say that it's