The Washington times., 1917-06-24
WILLIAM G. DAT Is
HANDED A FRIGHT
Attends GrOttO- Shrine Game
and They Punish Him.
ALL NOISE AND GAM0R
Says He Wasn't Buried, and That
Funeral Was FliVVer.
By LOUIS A. BOUCHER.


Mr. william C. Dat attended the
Georgia avenue ball yard yesterday.
It was bad enough for him to have
been invited. Sure, he turned down
the invitation, but that made no DIFF
ference. He attended-on the end OF
q rope.
When ne got there he found q
mob of folks, all home folks, too,
bitting around looking wise-and
warm. Most Of them were munching
peanuts. The rest were drinking
pop.
A bunch Of guys attired in regula-
tion baseball uniforms were going
through the motions. Another bunch
were dolIed up in flowing white silk
robes. Still another bunch looked
like the sultan's pet bodyguard.
william Is Afraid.
Mr.. Dat became frightened at tbs
weird uniforms He became still
more alarmed when an unholy anthem
was started by the gents in the flow-
ing white robes and a parade began.
Gee, he was frightened. So he ran
away.
But Mr.. Oat had been invited and
SO a scramble ensued. That pesti-
ferrous gink in the high hat finally
caught Mr.. Dat and-kissed him.
Then everybody, the whole darn TO-
900 in the stands, roarded with laugh
ter.
And Henry Lansburgh. disguised as
the chief executioner of the Sultan's
harem, came along, toting the most
all the world. No wonder Mr.. William
C. Goat was frightened. So he ran
away again.
Bumps Into GrottO.
This time Mr.. Oat' bumped right In
70 the other gang and ras received
with a blare OF bugles and many
thumps on the old bass drum. And
that gink in the high hat captured
him again.
And so It went all day long. Mr..
Dat, who at home is most calm and
considerate, had q terrible time amid
all the noise. He didn't event have
a chance to see the Shrine wallop
Hildebrand for three tallies In the
first. Somebody was yanking on the
rope. .z-I
He didn't even see Moose" Mccar-
thy pole a home run into left field and
almost perish OF exhaustion before
he landed at the home plate.
Then He's Kidnapped.
Then, 70 make matters worse, VIII
liam c. Dat, a calm, friendly sort OF a
person, was kidnapped. right out there
on the field. They took him over to
the side where the white-robed noise
makers were. and then out to the sun
ny part Of the field where one OF the
fat boys was playing baseball.
Along came an ambulance. A ply
stefan hoped out, looked at Mr.. Oats
tongue and ordered him to the hos
pital. Into the ambulance they
bundled him. much against his will,
and away they all went helterSkelter.
Everybody lauEhed-everybody but
Mr.. Dat He couldn't see anything to
laugh at
Then He's Dead.
Then, after a while, they decided
that he was dead. That's the way It
looked to a chap way up near the
roof OF the stand
Anyway, that funeral march pro-
ceeded around the field and Mr.. Cat
was duly buried with becoming cere-
monies OF the grotto.
At the last moment, just before this
thing was sent TO the gent'eInanIy
typesetters In the back room, William
G. Dat came into the sport room and
spoke as follows:
Say, brother, that's all wrong, all
wrong about my being buried. We
thought we were burying the Shrine.
but they came up in the tenth and
trimmed US. So please correct that
thing about the burial Yes, and
please say that I'll never attend any
more ball games between the Grot:o
and the Shrine never again"
30 there, now.