The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1917-10-11
D0R0FMY DIX TALKS
BY DOROTHY DIX
Worlds Highest Paid Woman Writer.

How to Be Happy Tho Married.
A young couple who are going to
be married soon came to me the other
day and said:
Everyone speaks of matrimony as
the biggest gamble on earth, and as
if it were purely matter of luck how
it turned out. Judging from most of
the people we know this appears u
be true, and they guessed wrong. We
do not wish to leave the success of
our marriage to blind chance. Are
there no rules by which one can play
sane and safe game with fair GER
tainty of winning out?"
why, bless you, my children,
replied, there is no more real reason
why marriage should not be sure
fire happiness proposition than there
is why any other human undertaking
should fail. And it would be so if
people would only apply one-half Of
the energy and effort and intelligence
towards making marriage a success
that they do towards making a groc
every business or bridge whist
success.
"Of course accidents will occasion
ally happen. man will marry a fool
who was such a cute little baby doll
that he didn't recognize her for what
she was until after he was tied to her
for life, or woman will get brute
who is camouflaged as big, strong,
manly man for a husband. When
either of these catastrophes befan IA
man or woman they are doomed to
misery or the divorce court. Nothing
the individual can do will save that
marriage from disaster, but in ordin-
airy cases the observance of just few
simple rules can be guaranteed to
make matrimony grand, sweet song
instead of the scrapping match it only
too often is.
THE first rule of how to be happy
hn ri iS n n
| resolution to NEVER ARGUE and to
live up to it in spite of all temptations
ItswouId save half of the divorces and
untold broken hearts and misery II
the motto, DON'T ARGUE, was paint
ed on every room in every house in
the land. Argument never gets you
anywhere except into trouble. No
body is ever convinced in an argu-
ment, or changes an opinion All that
it does is to provoke friction ana
rouse temper and make people say
/ things that rankle like restoring
thorns in ones memory.
IF the no-argument rule prevailed
| in every housed hold, it would strangle
the family spat at its birth and assure
| that atmosphere of peace and
| harmony in the home which is the
| only air in which Cupid can breathe.
| OF course no man and woman are
going to think alike on every subject
| under the sun. That is impossible,
/
| points on which they differ.
Let the man concede to his wife
4 her perfect right to think as she
! pleases about a subject. Let the
I woman grant her husband the p-ivi-
lege of his opinion. Let them oven
state them once, and then if they
disagree, drop the matter and turn to
more harmonious topics for discussion
Put the soft pedal on the argument
and you have at least laid the founda-
/ ton for a happy home.
THE second rule for how to be
| happy though married is to cut out
| the boss stuff. This goes both ways.
| for both husband and wife. Modern
conditions and modern thoughts have
1 rendered the old idea that there had
to be a head to the house, who was a
! sort of flat-sized- grinding-tyrant, as
extinct as the dodo. Marriage has
ceased to be an autocracy. 1t has be-
come democracy.
Because a man has married a
| woman gives him right over her.
| body and soul, no right to control her
every act, to dole out pennies to her
! instead of giving her a fair share of
their mutual income; no right to i'm
pose a species of domestic slavery on
i her. Because a woman has married
/ a man gives her no right to henpeck
him to death with petty tyrannies, to
tell him what he shall eat and drink,
| and when he shall come home, and
where he shall smoke, and a thousand
| restraints upon him that irk him to
madness.
Whenever you find a couple who
are wise enough to give each other
the widest possible degree of personal
liberty you will find a couple that has
made the most success of matrimony.
The querulous complaining wives are
| the ones beating impotently against
the doors of homes that have made
iailsA of their husbands. The extrava-
CANT women are the women trying to
get even with husbands whom they
believe to be holding out on them.
The husbands who lie to their
wives about having to work at night
when they are out with the boys are
| the men married to women who make
them punch the time clock The hus-
bands and wives generally who jump
over the bars are those who are bossed
at home to such an extent that they
are willing to risk anything to get
away from their keepers for a little
while and have a breath of freedom
THE third rule for how to be happy
though married is to determine to
make good on your job. The elemen-
tary part of this is work. No mar
riage is successful unless the man can
furnish the money to support it in
comfort. No home can be successful
unless the woman sees to it that the
table well spread with properly pre-
pared food.
Then comes the spiritual part.
No marriage is successful if the hus-
band grouches and glooms at HON 2
and says things to his wife that he
would not dare to say TO any other
woman on earth who had an g BILE
bodied brother No marriage is sue
ceSSfuI if the wife makes of her home
a place of tears and nerves, and peev-
ishness. and whining. and complaints,
! and nagging.
ITO make a good job of ma rriage
, man and woman must consciously
| and deternlinedly give to it their best
; and brightest. They must put more
; self restraint on themselves in deal
ing with each other than they would
if they were dealing with their best
customer. or their most cantankerous
| d. clo ntI, c