New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1917-06-28
A Use for Bureaucratic
Pension Them and Put a SETTING q
Eggs Under Each
To the Editor of The Tribune.

N@N'eu ~ '"e communication from DAY,
Jones' printed in The Tribune OF tod.
The writer of that article narrated hi,
perience in trying 10 secure for inyen,;,..
intended TO destroy or lessen the menac. :.
the submarine the consideration Of n.
thoritios at Washington.
His experience has a tragic and som.v,..
terrifying resemblance 10 tha. OF D.,i.,
Doyce with the British Circumlocutio, :,
fee, as told by Dickens in Little Do,.,.,
Most readers OF Dickens will remembs, a..
Doyce had discovered secret process irn.,o
Ing an invention likely 20 be of vast v,ln..
the country. He offered il 10 tho g..
ment, and from that moment. In thu 49,.
Of the sapient bureau chiefs and depsr,n.s..
heads. became an outlaw and c-;,,,"','
Through twelve years of patient e.ro,, - -
of service he was snubbed. referred fro,, y.
incompetent. Indifferent and Inmates. nv
cial and sub and satellite official "a aro.va
from one department 70 another Va '
frozen, viewed with alarm and sus,;.'
made TO feel that he was an intruder ~
:urber of the peace and a nuisance Fall.
Ike your spondent, he sold he 49,.
ton TO a foreign government, which Ala -,
regard n new idea as a new horror hecsn..
demanding some mental labor and densr,r..
from routine.
The Venerable Mandarins
There is story of a live man who ,or..
how found himself at the head Of an 81,
Oriental government. He noted quickly ~,
his court was occupied chiefly BY yener,w.
mandarins, whose only duty was to ST, .bon.
the throne and bow their heads in s,.,g,
and solemn cadence whenever he smoke a,
moved. Determined to make them Of Soma
use to tte public he had put under each I,
setting of eggs, and in due time secured ,
fine lot of chicks.
| submit that to anybody who has been "a
unfortunate as TO have contact with our AZ.
partments in Washington this story will an.
peal. My belief. based on some observation
and casual experience, is that the country
would profit immeasurably by retiring IA,
great majority of the bureau and department,
chiefs and chief clerks on full pay pension,
or setting them on hen eggs or duck eggs. 50
that they might be harmlessy productive
and not in the way of those who really have
definite ideas of doing something and doing
il promptly.
Probably the real trouble is that our Of.
Gals at the national capital-those in the
War and Navy departments especially
have been trained in a time of long practi.
cally uninterrupted peace. In these tranquil
years they have sat in swivel chars-mos.
of them, | notice, lined with felt to make
! them easier-bossed a few stenographers
! and other subOrdinates and trained their
minds and bodies TO exact routines, TO rules
and regulations. Naturally, they have fallen
into the habit of ignominaous ambition to
/ finish the days work precisely on the min.
ute with as little trouble as possible and o.
passing along every proposition demanding
/ thought and attention. They resent the IN.
usual with bewldered bitterness. They con.
slider new suggestions and persons With
scornful suspicion. With them everything
outside their well worn ruts and apart from
the influences by which they are accustomed
TO be guided is incendiary, revolutionary
and damned, and, worst of all, troublesoms-
a lunacy or plot, fraud or failure on N.
face of it, vile and violent intrusion on
the habitual serenity of the Office.
The mind of the average Washington Of
fetal Of long service lacks the elasticity to
grasp and understand the new conditions OF
war and turmoil and desperate need ior quiea
and determined action and energy. wars
cannot be prepared for and organized BY
ments some electrifying, vitalizing shaking
I'D and shocking, which will awaken the. old
men to life and living thought and methods,
or wholesale introduction of new and vgor'
GUS blood and force and power. The stups.
faction and lassitude of routine subject Us
to deadly danger and bring upon US meal.
culable loss. Unless we escape from them
they will betray US to impotence, when po.
loH IN
shame.
The Barnacles
Dickens concludes his funnily tragic ac'
count of the great Circumlocution once
with its guiding principle Of How not 70 90
il" ard its leadership in the family OF me
Barnacles, with some general remarks. aver
telling how Doyces invention, after MINNIE
imnertjnences. ignorances and insults had
been given a trial Gin the presence OF
board of six, OF which two ancient memoea
were too blind TO see IL, two other ahe!'a'
members were too deaf /. hear II, ana CIV
other ancient member was too lame 70 se
near i. and the final ancient member was '''
pig-headed to look at it," Dickens says
"If that airy young Barnacle had been
there he would have frankly told them, per,
hans. that the Circumlocution once ha'
achieved its functions. That what the Bar,
naclcs had 10 10 was 20 stick to the nationsl
ship as long as they could. That 20 trim t1 m;
shin. tighten the ship, clean the ship would
no TO knock them off, that they could but "
knocked of once, and that if the ship "eh'
down with them yet sticking 70 IL, that Y"
the ship's lookout and not theirs =.
We have seen what happened IN EngisAa
sixty years after Dickens wrote, and no"
nearly the ship did go down vita the Barns
cles clinging tightly.
The question for US is whether we wish "
continue the same absurd experiment OF
governmental machine trained how not
do il and suffer the same dismal experienes
JEREMIAH
H. L.nn,or n 4 lima IL 10Y