The Washington herald., 1917-11-02
GOOD MORNING
JUDGE
His srTnking, Ways.
BY RUDOLPH PERKINS.

Roy Gordon has the stickiest pair
OF fingers in town.
He has picked up everything from
bottle of milk TO a locomotive. His
latest stunt was two bottles of liquor.
The other day in company with an
other boy he robbed a delivery wagon.
He took a box of coffee, two bottles
OF liquor. a razor. some bread and a
hot water bottle.
One other time he took a bicycle.
His favorite pastime, however, was
taking milk and bread from front
doors early in the morning.
Altogether they had seven different
charges against him. And a lot more
that they didn't have time 10 investi-
gate.
He had slipped up on the booze
proposition. He let another man have
a drink out of one of the bottles. That
let the cat out OF the bag
The court put Roy out of harms
way for one whole year.
Such a Jealous Disposition.
For the past few weeks John Roland
has been cautioning his girl, Louise
Mullen, about looking at other men
on the street.
1t did no good. Louise had two eyes
and she couldn't help but see what
went on in front Of her.
Being OF jealous disposition. John
| thought that she should have closed
her eyes.
Wednesday night the pair went
downtown to see John Barleycorn's S
funeral. So did lots of other people.
When they got to Sixth street and
the Avenue, John grabbed Louise by
the arm. ''Wot did All tell yo gal
| about maxim Goo-goo eyes at dem
nigsers -
Louise hadn't done a thing. except
TO say hello TO man. She told John
to go on home and let her alone
He boxed her jaws and threatened
to spank her right in the street. She
hollered murder. A cop ran up.
While he was very sorry for his act,
nevertheless John had to pay sic.
Just an Unfortunate Mourner,
It's not so much what you say as it
is how you say it.
Real early yesterday morning
Simon Booker was staggering down
the street, quoting passages from the
Bible.
The same words he was using are
| often used by profane persons. The
tone Of voice used by Simon elimi-
| mated any chance Of his being a
| preacher.
1t happened that the patrol wagon
was passing down the street and with
out even getting off. the policeman
was able to arrest Simon and haul
him in.
"Jedge," said Simon. "Ah wuz gibin'
thanks TO de good lawd 70 removin.
de liquor fohm Washington"
Looks as though you were doing
little removing yourself" replied
| the court.
We'll Jedge," went on Simon. now
dat de liquor am gone. All wants to
be gone mahseff."
"All right" answered the court,
you can gone down for 80 days un-
less you have So"
Too Much of a Hurry.
Howard Townsend had a package
1 to deliver to an apartment house
| Very we'll. These apartments have
/ tradesmen's entrances meant Just for
fellows like him.
Not so you could notice It, he
| thought, and he bolted through the
front door with his package. The
person to whom he was to deliver 1t
| was out.
He started out through the front
door. The manager caught him by
the coat collar and started to intro
duce him to the special entrance.
And Howard hit him in the neck
and Jared his spinal column. The
man hit back. He also had Howard
arrested.
In court Howard refused to under
stand why he ought to have used the
side door. He was gentleman, he
said.
But gentlemen don't fight, the court
reminded him. That is unless he is a
pacifst gentleman.
Howard's hurry cost five one do
lar bills.
Romance of q Goldfish Ball.
Mary Brown and Ella Renshaw
went into a Greek lunchroom. Each
ordered a Goldfish ball. Each had hau
hiehball a moment before.
When Cus the waiter had his aHSL-