The Washington herald., 1917-12-12


Once there was a man who court
cd a woman because she was a good
cook. His idea Of connubial bliss
was a dish of stewed rabbit pre-
pared by her hands.
The woman had her doubts about
his really loving her. She resolved
to test him. She wanted to know
whether he loved her or her cook
ing utensils.
So one day when he called there
was no grub waiting for his enor-
nous appetite. He was rather daz-
ed. He looked around for an ex-
PLANTATION.
The woman stood looking at him,
waiting for him to say, Honey, All
lubs yo anyhow, grub or no grub"
But, alas. he said no such fool thing.
He grabbed her. He knocked her
over on the red hot kitchen stove.
Her arms and, hands were burned.
Her very soul was scorched.
She had him arrested. He told
and hit her. He also told a few
other queer stories.
And now. for 80 long days, tCIar-
CuSO SdI ICE Will cat RONeTnmenI
grub, cooked by the wholesale. in
stead Of the luscious pancakes and
giblet stew which Estelle Glaggett
used to cook for him.
Viva ItaIIana.
Luti Iaininea, an Italian watchman,
was celebrating the halting of the
Hun hordcs along the Piave River.
He drank too many times to the
success of Italia IrFedenta," and
the first thing he knew he didn't
know anything at all.
Policeman Ben Williams noticed
Luti staggering along, trying to
carry two loads on one trip, and
picked him up less he stumble over
himself.
When he searched Luti, Williams
found a spring-bladed stiletto.
"Jutch," exclaimed Luti, II cutta
da meat en- cutta da bread wild dat
knife. No kilIa anyone but Germans.
Carry dat knife since I was two
year-old."
WELL" said the court, Judging
from the size of the loaves of bread
you fellows eat suppose you need
an axe to cut them?"
Luti has a good record. While he
looks ferocious,~ he is really a very
tame individual.
The court fined him so for being
drunk and took his personal bonds
In the concealed weapon case.
Everybody Works But Bill.
For several days the cops have
been warning Bill Fleming to keep
away from the union station.
He had been hanging around.
sleeping on the benches and getting
in everybody's way. One of the
cops showed him where to get a
Job.
But I can't do that kind of
work" protested Bill. Il am too
delicate"
The cop stratched his head and
thought. The job in question was
running errands. Bill was a big
husky chap. He has served Jail
sentences on Blackwelrs Island and
at our own dear Occoquan. Where,
then, did his weakness come in?
Disguested with him, the cops
locked him up for vagrancy. Bill
was outraged. Would he ever keep
out of jail? he asked himself.
Not until he got a job and kept it,
the court told him.
with the government and pri-
vate concerns getting hoarse call
ing for labor. and a big healthy
chap like Bill running around job
less-no excuse" said the court.
-Four months in JAIL" the Judge
said, rather loudly. That will teach
you a lesson. You won't be able to
nick Your iobs nown
He Hit An Innocent Cop.
Last Sunday two cops had their
ears and eyes glued to a crack in a
fence, watching a crap game. They
had been there about four minutes
when the game suddenly stopped.
One Of the participants. Bill Proc
tor, received a telepathic message
that something unpleasant was i'm
pending. He whispered his news to
the rest. They ran.
The cops saw Bill as he jumped
the fence. To make sure they
wouldn't get him Bill fired a quart
bottle at one, missed him and hit the
other in the chest.
After a chase Bill was caught. He
resisted arrest and it became neces-
sary for the cops to 'strafe' him be-
fore they could get him in a cell.
But now he is in Occoquan for
thirty days, and unless he gets SO
together soon he will have to stay
another month.
$40 for 20 Cents.
Xavier Dunmore. a colored man,
set out the other day to do his
Christmas shopping"
He went to a five and ten-cent
store. AL the clerks were busy, So
he swiped a pair Of cuffbuttons. He
simply wouldn't beg anyone to. take
his money.
He visited another five and ten
cent store. His indigestion bothered
him a little and he swiped a pack
age of mints. Again the clerks were
busy and he couldn't find anyone to
pay. he said.
All the time a con was watching
him. But the poor boy didn't know a
thing about 1t. How did he know
that the cop had camoufaged him
self behind a post?
Altogether Xavier had swiped 20
cents worth Of merchapdise. If he
kept on the five and ten-cent store
corporation would go into bank
ruptcy.
This 20 cents worth of stun cost
him Just so in fines. War prices amt
got nothing on this investment,