The Washington herald., 1917-12-26

aA.
Once there was Q man with q great
imagination. Given an ounce Of bot
tied delerium tremens, he can Guido
Baron Munchausen.
Monday night, as 1t was raining. he
took OF his coat and went out for an
airing. He imagined that he was a
guest at the Hotel Royal Poinciana at
Palm Beach.
Every square he walked his imagi-
nation shifted the scenes. He took on
the personalities Of Gen. Pershing,
Napoleon, Alexander the Great and
quite a few other warriors.
When he got to Eighth street he
He strolled up to Q cop and whisper
ed in his ear.
'Imsh shanta calush." hs gursied.
Il wanna put somethin' in your
stoclinsh.'
IAN right. old top" said the cop,
my stocking Is hung up around to
the station house, you can fill those
of the other boys as well while you're
there"
And here endeth the first chapter Of
the midnight stroll Of Sam Watson.
Sam went down for thirty days.
Merry Christmas, Sam.
"Here Goes"-There He Goes.
A crowd Of people at Tenth street
and Pennsylvania avenue Monday
night was amused by a man with .
pint bottle in his hand.
John D. Smith" was drinking to
the health Of all the National Capital.
He would pour a little In q glass and
recite some fool toast and let 'er go.
| Everybody was having q good time
watching him until a cop broke In
and got John by the collar.
Then he invited the cop to have q
| drink. The cop refused.
"Wassa matta?' John asked, q tri-
he offended. Gotta white ribbon on
va coat?"
"Oh no, son." answered the COP"
but you come along with me and 1
will see that you get one pinned on
you."
There are many John Smiths in this
| town. but this is a peculiar one. He
| is the first to wish the whole city q
| Merry Christmas.
And the court told him that unless
he had IS in his jeans he must go
| down for q month.
He Got . "GoOse.. All Right.
Monday night Taylor Marlborough
started to market to buy himself
some 'gooses." With him was Sam
Davis.
Before they left the house each
drank to the health of the other.
Some friends came in. And there
were more such drinks.
When the pair started for the mar
ket neither could tell a goose from
an ostrich.
They stumbled down the street,
singing a ribald song. A woman pass
ed and asked them If they didn't
have a little respect for Christmas.
DE only place you will find re-
spect,'" answered the roysterers. "is
in de dicksnunary en- we amt got
one. honey
The woman motioned for q cop. He
came a-running. thinking something
serious was the matter.
In court Taylor tried to put one
over on the judge. He told enough
fibS to shock the most hardened law
yer.
Sam admitted his indiscretion. The
court let him off with a $25 fine. Tay-
lor was fined $50 and sentenced to
80 days in default.
A Green One.
About midnight Monday night Frank
! Coppi was a passenger on a New York
avenue car. OF course we knew where
Frank came from and how he hap
pened to be on that car.
When he went to get OF the car he
went to the back end. The conductor
had big roll Of greenbacks in his
hand. counting them. As Frank
spotted them he almost tainted.
Having his snoot full of Baltimore
booze, he couldn't tell green mazuma
| from green snakes. He hollered for
| help and chung piteously to another
passenger.
No amount of persuasion could make
him believe that the conductor did not
! have a handful of wriggling green
snakes.
I And so the only thing to do was to
call cop to shoe these reptiles away
and keep them from biting the poor
fellow.
There was only one thing to do and
the cop did It. He locked Frank UP,
but first he made the conductor put
away the bank roll.
The court assured Frank that there
] WASH Il SOllLdTy Sndke at the WORK.
house. unless it was a two-legged one,
Fifteen days for him.
Just Like Furniture.
At . a. m. yesterday morning
| Paul Stewart was inhaling some chop
suey in a Chinese restaurant. Being
rather empty in the midriff he had
strolled in and ordered the first thing
on the bill of fare.
AS he was half through a man walk
ed over to him, made a mysterious
sign and passed him a half pint Of
squirrel" whiskey.
Surprised, Paul pocketed the LIQUOR
and finished his meal. Someone had
made a mistake. he thought, in pass
ing him q bottle.
! He must resemble someone, he reas-
oned, else why should anyone donate
him a bottle in such a manner.
He decided not to try to figure It
out. In a minute the bottle was half
empty. 1t burned like carbolic acid
all the way down. Paul thanked
heaven that he was not built like a
giraffe.
| The stuff soon got IN its work. Paul
was cussing a blue streak when the
cops hauled him out. The whole zoo
was paying him a visit.
| It's a tough old world for Paul. On
Christmas morning he was sent to
il 4AFw g.