The Washington herald., 1917-11-27
Sweet Alice Was Jolted.

0"eCt AhCG "ah SOAtGus
Somehow or other Alice Jeffries
seems to have more jewelry than any
other woman Of her color. The rest
OF the bunch often speculate as to
how she gets it all.
One Tuesday noon Alice met Ruth
Maidens and Sarah Gross in the five
and ten cent store. Both Ruth and
Sarah inwardly hated Alice. but they
greeted her very friendly like.
The pair made some mental notes,
but said little. Several days later
someone else, Terese Govern, In an
argument with Alice. slurred that
lady by telling her she got all her
Junk" in the ten cent store.
Alice puffed out like a pouter
pigeon, turned up her nose at Terese
and called her one of these short and
ugly things.
This made Terese angry. She slap
ped Alice where she wore her ear
rings. 1t nurt right smart.
Both cussed. 4|cop heard them.
Both were arrested. Ruth and Sarah
were witnesses for Terese, and Alice
left the courthoue minus a IS bill,
but with her jewelry and her reputa-
tlon untarnished.
Little Eva and Her Beaux.
. One night last week Eva Brown
sat In her little parlor listening to
the sweet nothings gushing from the
lips Of Harry Jackson.
They had sat there for half an hour.
In came her ma with Harry Payne.
Harry NO. got nervous and grouchy.
Eva smiled at Harry, No. 2. She
showed him to a seat. And she sat
down between the two beaus. For a
minute both were tongpe-tied.
Suddenly Harry No. 2 said he had
tickets for shin-dig. Would she
go? Well, guess she would! Harry
No. 1 grumbled and squirmed in his
chair.
Harry No. and Eva put on their
hats and coats, Harry No. made
some remark in an undertone. Harry
No. asked him what he said.
Harry No. didn't like the tone of
voice Of Harry No. and teid him so.
Eva said they mustn't fight.
Soon they grappled. Eva was top
pied over. Her ma ran in and ran
out again for a cop. Both men got
pinched.
And as Harry No. 1 really started
ShS hbhI ne was uDcu slU anu
No. was turned loose.
A Fable OF q Reckless Man.
Once there was a man who left his
wife because he didn't like her.
He sat around for a few weeks and
1t got on his nerves. He missed the
buckwheat cakes In the morning, and
the goulash in the evening. He
couldn't keep buttons on his shirts
or holes out of his socks.
And yet he hated to swallow his
pride and beg her to return. One day
he took a club and called on the
woman he had sworn to cherish and
protect.
No, she wouldn't come back, she
said. She was through with him,
and when she was through, she was
finished. The club went up and came
down. 1t broke in two over her
head and Jared her teeth.
When she regained consciousness
she got a warrant. The man, Joe
Bush, was arrested and put in the
cooler. .f
While he was locked up, wifey did
some tall thinking. She remembered
the Saturday night pay envelope and
She asked the court to go a little
easy. 1t did, Joe was put on proba-
ton to quit breaking lumber over his
wife's head.
No Vested Right Here.
Instead of calling on his girl Sun
day night, Rufus Baldwin stayed
home. He had to, IL he wanted to
keep warm.
His girls folks try to discourage
callers. And so the parlor is al
ways cold. The girl, Julie. sneaked
out to the drugstore and called Rufus
on the phone. 49,.
At first he refused to leave the
warm fire. Sne called the second time.
He refused again. Fiften minutes
later, after considerable thinking. he
decided to go anyhow.
Reluctantly he began to dress. He
couldn't find fancy vest which he
had received from a relative as a
present. He looked all over the room.
He decid. to ask Smoke" King,
who roomed next to him, IL he had
seen the vest. He went to Smoke 50
room. There he was lying across the
bed with the vest on.
Without word Rufus planted his
foot in the sleeping mans face.
Smoke" lapsed from deep sleep
TO complete unconsciousness.
Rufus couldn't explain his rage.
He didn't think that ..smoke". would
have. the nerve to cause his arrest