davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Oklahoma City times. [volume] (Oklahoma City, Okla.) 1908-1984, 1917-07-30

there would be no more work for
c%lergyrnen and editors.
The average man has an idea that
there must be something wrong with
a mans chin to make him wear chin
whiskers.
Any man can see that the other fel-
low should be perfectly contented with
his lot in life.
Risking the chance OF being de-
nounced as an inconoclast, we announce
that it isn't necessary for a missionary
to 60 to foreign chimes to do good and
enlighten the heathen,
Any time you give a man the short
end of it you had better look out for
him. He is trying to get even.
II a boy hasn't had too much to eat,
he is liable to believe he hasn't had
enough to eat.
There i, a whole lot in a handshake
n there are two candidates for the
same office and one gives you a firm
grip Of welcome when he meets you
| while the other extends a dead mack
erel for YOU to clasp, we know which
candidate is going to be elected.
A woman thinks it is just terrible
when a criminal Is sentenced to hard
labor for life. But she forgets that the
preacher gave her husband the same
sentence when they were married,
Another Fairy Tale-Once upon a
time a man got in on a pass and didn',
knock the show, 90
A crouch doesn't CRATE on a cheerful
mans nerves half as much as a cheer
full man CRATES on the nerves Of a
crouch.
II may sound p~aradoxical. But even
when a woman has ceased to be a mys-
terry 10 a man she remains a mystery
to him.
The only time some men look a.
though they had their faces washed
j, when they are coming out of a bar
Der shop.
The Oklahoma City times. [volume] (Oklahoma City, Okla.) 1908-1984, 1917-07-30
NSave the Waste and Win the War;
TREADINC ON THIN ICE.

vR1HEN the people Of Waynoka, Okla, advertised a big
- frontier celebration for August 1913, and gave
GKbsnded publicity to the big buffalo hunt, probably they
~ not know that the slaughter Of a bison by Indians with
ARROWS 10 against the law Of Oklahoma.
Newspapers in northwestern Oklahoma are giving a
Ueed deal Of space to Waynokas celebration, While no
~ wishes to knock" the event, attention Of the officials
6 Oklahoma is called to the announcement that a buffalo
= advertised As the principal animal to be bunhered to
aaks Z Wsynoks holiday.
Oklahoma has wisely established statutes to protect
1unb beasts. 1t is illegal to torture any animal; it will
y . violation Of law to kill a buffalo at Waynoka's big
eunmer celebration. q
II the monarch Of the plains that Il, marked for slaughter
y allowed to 90 back to the forest and recline under big
6ees, humanity will have %triumphed. At the same time,
~ gate receipts Of the big Waynoka show will suffer. But
undef no circumstances should a noble animal be subjected
y . cruel death to bring stew dollars into the celebration
Here's . word to the sheriff Of Woods county: II you,
". Sheriff. permit that buffalo to be slaughtered at Way
oska, the next step in the program will be taken by At,or-
General Freeing, who is authorized by law to remove
- official who n~eslects his duty by giving assent, silent or
GAeswise. to q bSsal exhibition which is prohibited by
~.
II the sheriff Of Woods county lets that buffalo lose hi,
0s At the hands Of Indians with sharp arrows, the sheriff
VII iose his job.
The Oklahoma City times. [volume] (Oklahoma City, Okla.) 1908-1984, 1917-07-30
SHORTENING THE BUSINESS HOURS.

n IS 4 hopeful sign to see the retail shoe store, closing
their establishments at 8 o'clock Saturday nights. There
Wss . time when every retailer thought it necessary to stay
around the store until midnight in the expectation that he
mlSht make an additional dime just before the clock struck
twsve
But merchants are inclined to improve the ~condpspns
Udes which their employees work. Many retail bteps
49, ene-haif day Of each week to give the clerk, &cH
~ q outing than Sunday will permit. And it novsa ft
fs the leading dry goods stores Of the landES Eos,
e In o. s o'clock every day In the year.
u JAb shortening of business hours works we'll In two
49, The employees get more recreation, therefore hav,
2qInAs health and more enjoyment out of life, And it i,
~ that clerks can really accomplish more in eish,
Duv than In twelve.
When the early-eloslng movement first went into effec,
ess were . few fussy customers who fretted and fumed
D. they quickly adjusted their shopping hours to the new
seAsdule, and now all Is lovely, The shortening Of the
bssiness hours benefits every person of the community
~ 10 have more Of il.
The Oklahoma City times. [volume] (Oklahoma City, Okla.) 1908-1984, 1917-07-30
RIppuN6RHYNES
M Ma!sso4
HUNGER N GLORY.

I TITLE GRETCHEN is complain.
ing, in her humble German home
she has searched the house for vic,
tuals, with her mothers fine-tootl
comb, she has seven little sisters
counting all, from last to first, and they
all are w~ailing loudly for a chunk Of
wiencrwurst. Hush your racket" say,
their ~grandsire, facing them witt
irowning brow what il Hindenbure
should hear you, while you kick Ut
such a row. Donnerwetterl What i,
hunger, when II kaiser takes the field
with the double headed eagle newl,
craven or his shield1 Who shall speak
of children's tummies when the kror
prinz leads his hosts2 When he ha,
gewhipped the British, we shall hav,
our stews and roas,s when we see tn,
prinz returning, with his captives a
the rear, we shall have our kraut ant
pretzels, and our stems OF foaming beer
Look ahead, We hollow children, wait
! bid We, for the day, when the kaiser
and the kron prinz bring their captive,
from the frayl" But the maudlin it'll,
maidens into tears absurdly burst
children never care for language wher
they yearn for liverwurst. Littl,
Gretchen and her sisters weary of tn,
glory spiel; they would gladly SWAP
some glory for a satisfying meal.
The Oklahoma City times. [volume] (Oklahoma City, Okla.) 1908-1984, 1917-07-30
NEUTRALs. A HEART.TO.HEART TALK.

NEUTRAL nations are clamoring for food that is raised
y in America. We have been supplying some Of those
nations, whereupon the aforesaid nations opened their
warehouse doors and permitted the kaiser to cart off all
the groceries and also metals and leather and such things
needed by the Prussian army. But we've stopped that
until the neutrals can prove to us that they will not help to
fatten Prussian soldiers with American food.
or course, the neutral nation, OF Denmark, Sweden,
Holland. Norway, Switzerland and possibly a few others
will plead that il they do not invite the kaiser to SIT at
their dinner table tina, ae Prussian war lord will promptly
shoot up the neutral nations. That's a fairly good excuse,
but Uncle Sam is not likely to pay much attention to It,
It's up to those neutral nations to take sides in the
world war that RACES at their borders. 1t i, Just asmuch
their war as it is the war OF France, Russia, Great Britain
and the United States. II the neutrals join us, then well
open our pantries to them. But we'll expect them to offer
resistance to the kaiser's army when efforts are made to
take the American food away from the neutral peoples.
The quicker the neutrals get into the conflict on the
side Of the allies, the sooner can the war be brought to an
end The neutral countries, have much at stake, and It is
to their interest to align themselves with the allies. Prus-
sianism is a menace to the neutral nations OF Europe, and
Germany would apply the same treatment to them as she
applied to Belgium.
The neutral nations have plenty Of men Of fighting age
Their duty now is with the allies. Their freedom in the
lululc u al STAKE anu IAN Only nc guaranteed ny elW'HsNhB
Hohenzollcrnism And those neutrals ought to be able to
see that they can no longer sit in the shadow of the power
Of the United States and expect both food and protection
unless they add in some way to the military strength OF the
United State, and the other governments that are battling
for freedom for neutral and other peoples.
This country has been exceedingly generous to the neu-
trail peoples of Europe, But a time of settlement is at
hand. The neutrals must choose on which side their inter
ests lie. II they align themselves with the United States,
then we'll send them something to eat. But the time has
passed when there is any such thing as a neutral nation
in or near the war zone. Nations that are being pillaged
by Prussian savages must decide If they wish to be subdued
by the kaiser or join with the allies in driving Prussianism
off the face Of the earth. The ncutrals may think they
are between the devil and the deep sea. Such review of
the situation is correct. So, we'll ask them to help US be-
come master Of the deep sea and we'll attend to the devil
promptly, to the end that the neutral nations shall not be
menaced in the future.
The neutrals, then, must get into the war on our side
or take the consequences Of being annihilated at the hands
OF Prussian demons who will take the food out Of the
mouths of helpless babes Of neutral lands.
The Oklahoma City times. [volume] (Oklahoma City, Okla.) 1908-1984, 1917-07-30
Ten Years Ago.

THE HAGUE-Great Britain and
Germany have practically agreed on a
proposition regarding the establishment
Of an International prize court, under
the terms Of which the tribunal is to be
permanent and is TO have fifteen judges.
BERLlN-A military balloon sailed
ever the principal streets today under
excellent control. After a flight of over
an hour it returned to Tegel at tho
rate of twelve miles an hour against 4
brisk head wind.
The street railway management oper-
ated seven cars on the Belle Isle linz
yesterday and had excellent patronage,
that OF both afternoon and evening be-
ing beyond expectation.
Paul Cooter spent Sunday in Shaw
nee with Raymond Dawson, who is
spending the summer at the home OF
Mr.. and Mrs. Spansler,
One Of the features OF the new Cu-
nard liner, Lusitania, the biggest ship
afloat. which has just completed a sue
cessful trial, is the veranda cafe. Din.
ing here will be like dining on the
brow of some cliff swept by ocean
bree,es and with an outlook OF sky and
ocean alone.
The Oklahoma City times. [volume] (Oklahoma City, Okla.) 1908-1984, 1917-07-30
Sursi

1T says here that blue |, the only
color that can be determined by the
sense Of touch" said the Old Fogy. II
wonder why that isl"
That, easy" replied the Crouch. "A
man Away, know, when he feel, blue,
doesn't he1"
The Oklahoma City times. [volume] (Oklahoma City, Okla.) 1908-1984, 1917-07-30
Obi

We don't know whether he goes out
and admire, the girls who wear trans
parent skirts on sunny days. But we
do know that |. Will See live, in Pike
vile, Ky.
The Oklahoma City times. [volume] (Oklahoma City, Okla.) 1908-1984, 1917-07-30

The Massachusetts, w. c. 7. U. has
suggested the appointment of women
to aid in police work in towns where
army training camps are established.
The Oklahoma City times. [volume] (Oklahoma City, Okla.) 1908-1984, 1917-07-30

This |, to remind Colonel Andy Blnns that il he doesn't
get a big supply Of water in the well which he is drilling
for the city, all OF us will be perfectly satisfied il he
brings in a @o-barrel oil gu,her or a 100000 foot
gasser.
The Oklahoma City times. [volume] (Oklahoma City, Okla.) 1908-1984, 1917-07-30
Fooeyl

Ny son. avoid him whom you car.
And with him do not roam:
For, though he 10 q fast young a
He's slow In getting homo.
The Oklahoma City times. [volume] (Oklahoma City, Okla.) 1908-1984, 1917-07-30

And now the people are urged to observe a ,mokele,,
eay. Well, we've had q waterless day, so the latest sug-
Sssion does not brighten one.
The Oklahoma City times. [volume] (Oklahoma City, Okla.) 1908-1984, 1917-07-30

When a woman says that there i,
something lacking in bachelor,
apartment, you know what she means.
II a police force could keep men good
The Oklahoma City times. [volume] (Oklahoma City, Okla.) 1908-1984, 1917-07-30
Helpl

There goes a fellow who leads a
hand to-mouth existence" said Smith.
That's funny" said Brown, he look.
prosperous. What i, the trouble with
him1"
Hes 4 dentist" replied Smith.
The Oklahoma City times. [volume] (Oklahoma City, Okla.) 1908-1984, 1917-07-30

Johnny can't understand why it is wrong for him to
keep the marble, that he wins when mamma keeps the
vase that she won at Mrs. Blanks card party.
The Oklahoma City times. [volume] (Oklahoma City, Okla.) 1908-1984, 1917-07-30

Getting BY.
Maybe he noticed that the letter "
i, often used for the letter ~" In In
,cription, on buildings, and figured
that the letter Y" was as good as the
letter IN" Anyway. this is the sign
OF 4 place in Huntington, w, Va:
"yOHZ JOKES HORSE SHOEIZG
AID general BLACKSMITHIZG
DO&E."
The Oklahoma City times. [volume] (Oklahoma City, Okla.) 1908-1984, 1917-07-30

A well developed scare about the coming sl-a-doren
eggs does not depress the thrifty man who has a fine flock
OF hens in the suburbs.
The Oklahoma City times. [volume] (Oklahoma City, Okla.) 1908-1984, 1917-07-30
Glad T'Msst Va, B. &shi

Mr.. McLuke. meet Mr.. John B.
Cauehe Of Rural Route No. !, In thi,
city, Mr.. Gauche, Mr.. McLuke.-Wil-
mington News.
The Oklahoma City times. [volume] (Oklahoma City, Okla.) 1908-1984, 1917-07-30
'CUaRM:CUKF
ibis CoIg1fN
@9<t9bf Ia7
The Commandments

Commandments seldom worry Glenn,
In fact. he's Just like you.
He knows that there are ten OF them
But he can't think OF two.
The Oklahoma City times. [volume] (Oklahoma City, Okla.) 1908-1984, 1917-07-30
You Know Him.

He surely 10 4 useless mutt,
He Ia 4 lazy slob;
Hes seeking a position. but
q Hsadoesn't want a Job.
The Oklahoma City times. [volume] (Oklahoma City, Okla.) 1908-1984, 1917-07-30

INNEWTYpB
Twenty Years Ago.
Se0m Te TINES PILES

twenty ioAts
Yesterday Grover Beatty, the young
son of Police Judge Beatty, was shot in
the face with an air rifle in the hand,
Of some mischievious boys. Tho
wound is not serious, but it is a Won
derful thing that the little fellow wal
not MORALLY wounded.
Mrs. w l.. Maupin returned today
from a visit in Missouri.
Last night about $50 o'clock Bailey
lsbell and "Peg-Leg" Johnson escaped
from the county jail and departed for
parts unknown. Tailor Owens is shocked
s%peechless, but two desperate criminal,
are gone and the chances are that blood
will be spilled before they are captured.
Tickets for passage or steamers for
the klondyke are selling at $3.50 each
which originally cost $50. Over two
thousand people were gathered at the
wharf at San Francisco yesterday to
say farewell to $50 passengers who
sailed.
The Oklahoma City times. [volume] (Oklahoma City, Okla.) 1908-1984, 1917-07-30
Ouchl

A fsarsoms pun well spring on you,
II should not need explaining
Why life should be all sunshine to
A beauty who Ia rsiEring.
The Oklahoma City times. [volume] (Oklahoma City, Okla.) 1908-1984, 1917-07-30
Preparedness

DO you believe In preparedness,
young mani" asked the old man.
Should say | do" replied the young
man. Il never start out without a good
supply Of matches and cigaret papers"
The Oklahoma City times. [volume] (Oklahoma City, Okla.) 1908-1984, 1917-07-30

II Andy Bnns uncovers q new oil pool instead of a
eepply Of water, he may find that the act will put him in
Ge mayors chair At the next election.
The Oklahoma City times. [volume] (Oklahoma City, Okla.) 1908-1984, 1917-07-30

TO battle or not to battle, that's the question, until
HYDRAULIC experts report on the stage Of the water in the
river.
The Oklahoma City times. [volume] (Oklahoma City, Okla.) 1908-1984, 1917-07-30

Advice.
We care not II this rhyme offends,
Don't he . foolish pup:
Some day youn find out that fast friends
VIII make a man slow up.
Luke McLuks.
And stiil. you know, Il all depends
Perhaps twill make you frown,
But we are fain to state. loose friends
May make a man slow down.
Newark Advocate
We care not II this rhyme offsnds,
Truth lies deep In the cup
Some day you'n find out that tight friends
VIII MAKE you loosen w.
Memphis Commercial-Appeal.
The Oklahoma City times. [volume] (Oklahoma City, Okla.) 1908-1984, 1917-07-30
Famous Ringa.

Bull.
Welkin.
Engagement
Wedding.
Prize.
Betting.
Around Rosie.-C. c.
The Oklahoma City times. [volume] (Oklahoma City, Okla.) 1908-1984, 1917-07-30
SIDEll0HTSM

CHECKING up the official reports from Paris for the last two months, one
finds with monotonous regularity statement, such as:
- The Germans made three mass attacks last night on on positions
west Of Huertebhs. Some element of our front line trenches were
penetrated, but the linz vas everywhere restored by 4 counter attack
ealv ths norningU
The Oklahoma City times. [volume] (Oklahoma City, Okla.) 1908-1984, 1917-07-30
A Handy Bunch,

A. Hand lives in New York City; o.
Finger lives in New Orleans; A. Palm
lives in Chicago B. A. Nuckle lives in
Toronto, Canada, and c. A.. Thumb
lives in Eaton, Ohio.
The Oklahoma City times. [volume] (Oklahoma City, Okla.) 1908-1984, 1917-07-30

One Hundred Years Ago Today.

One Hundred Years Ago To-day.
lSl7-Alexander S. Johnson, noted
jurist, who served as United Statei
commissioner for the settlement of the
claims of the Hudson Bay and Puget
Sound companies, born at Utica, N. Y.
Died in the Bahama islands, Jan. 70,
1873.
%Seventy-fve Years Ago To-day.
l842-James d. McCabe, a prolific
writer of the Civil war period, born
at Richmond, Va. Died at German
town, Pa, Jan. II, 1883.
Fifty Years Ago To-day.
lS67-Elisha NJ. Pease became pro-
vi,ional governor of Texas by appoint
ment Of General Sheridan.
Twenty-Five Years Ago To-day.
l8o2-The first Roman Catholic
summer school was opened at New
London, Conn.
One Year Ago Today in the War.
July 80, lolo-British and French
made gains in the Somme region;
Rome reported a gain OF ground for
the Italians on the Tonerta plateau
and in the Tofano region.
The Oklahoma City times. [volume] (Oklahoma City, Okla.) 1908-1984, 1917-07-30
Luke McLuke Saws

When A Wise Guy Get, Fooled, II
Gets Fooled Badly.
The Oklahoma City times. [volume] (Oklahoma City, Okla.) 1908-1984, 1917-07-30
Names Ia Names
Our Daily Special,

Hayer Brush lives at Grant Pas.
Wash.
The Oklahoma City times. [volume] (Oklahoma City, Okla.) 1908-1984, 1917-07-30
Fifteen Years Ago.

The grader which has been ~exeavating
on Main street was put to work today
on Broadway. Main street will now bs
leveled up and rolled and prepared for
the cement and asphalt.
The dance to be given tonight for the
Misses Threadgill will be at the opera
house hall instead Of the park,
The street railway is being pushed
rapidly and the rails are down out 10
Epworth college grounds and are fin
ished down Broadway well toward the
paved district and will be ready for
the cars as soon as tracks can be put
in there.
The principal concern OF Oklahoma
City is a supply Of pure water and ths
problem has been solved in the contract
that has been made by the city coun-
Gil for the building Of a series Of wells
which will furnish at least 100000 gsl-
Ions of water a day. ,
The Oklahoma City times. [volume] (Oklahoma City, Okla.) 1908-1984, 1917-07-30
What7

What has become Of the old-fash-
Toned saloon keeper who used I'd give
away souvenirs on Saturday nighti
The Oklahoma City times. [volume] (Oklahoma City, Okla.) 1908-1984, 1917-07-30
Jobs Il 1oh.

Jobs IL Jobs.
You can find this sign on an e,tab
lishment in ~Covington, Ohio:
Il. Will Dress, Lumber"
Connecticut western news., 1917-09-20
SHARON

Miss. Amy Eggleston spent last week with her brother, Gerald Eggleston and family in New York city.
 Miss \ adie Marckres of New York city is visiting her parents, MT. and Mrs. c D MarcBres.
 Miss Mildred Baker has accepted a position in Hartford and left for there last week.
 Messrs. J,hn Monahan. Harry Ba1. tram and Judson Cole are spending two weeks in camp on the shores of Silver Lake.
 Master Edward Dakin is recoveri ne nicely from his recent operation fO1 the removal of adenoids at the Sharon hospital
 Miss Kathleen Kenny left last week
Connecticut western news., 1917-09-20
LIME ROCK

Messrs. Grant and Hilen Eggleston of Hartford spent Sunday at their home here.
 Walter Fuller has finished saving logs near the station, and has moved his mill on to another job near Hunts vile.
 George Baker, who worked for w. s. Fuller is now on a saw mill job in Sheffield.
 R. D. Merriman and son Raymond of Hartford were stopping with friends m town last week.
 Mrs. Jane Owen and Miss May Owen are in Danbury for short time.
 Cuba Welch motored to Greenwich, and to Rye, N. Y. with a party of friends week before last.
 Fay Chaffee gave a clam bake to a few of his frienls Saturday night.
 Mrs George Doty has returned from Chapinville.
 Irving Doty is spending some time among friends here.
 It was contract day at Bordens, Saturday the 18th.
 The schools opened Monday the 10th.
 Hilen Eggleston and friend arrived in town Saturday.
 Mrs. Elizabeth Butler and Miss Margaret Butler spent a day of last week in Pittsfield.
 Elizabeth Hickey is in Lakeville for a short time.
 Miss E. l.. Gile returned home the l1th.
 A daughter wes born to Mir. and Mrs. William Surdam Thursday the 9th.
 Ms. George NJ Morrison has been on the sick list
 MT. Lindstrom who has been run. ming Rocky Dell hotel expects to leave town soon. Applicants TOT the rental of il were in town Saturday.
 Fay Chaffee substituted for MT. Bailey at West Cornwall Saturday.
 pr. Wilcox of Lee, Mass, was in town Monday.
 Mrs G. B Latour and daughter Catherine, of Long Hill spent Sunday with friends here and at Falls Village.
 E ". Voorhees, of New Haven was town Tuesday.
Connecticut western news., 1917-09-20
NEWS from REARBY TOW MS

horse he was driving ran away. The wagon was slightly damaged. Cards have been received by friends of Richard P. Smith who is employed in the postal department at the train ing camp in Greeneville, $. c.
 A ". Hubbell of Hartford. was a week. end guest of his parents, MT. and Mrs. Wm. Hubbell. w. J. Shook of Great Burlington. Mass. was a recent visitor to his old home here.
 A large number from this village attended tho Home Guard drill in Lakeville Sunday.
 Miss Grace 0 Brien, who mas been stopping at Cedar Tree Inn, has re- turned to Northampton, Mass.
 E. H Marcy and family of Bethel, were week end guests of M. c. Marcy.
 Mrs. George Ayers and Mrs Ward expect to leave this week for Washing ton. D. 0.
 The South Canaan fair attracted 8 number of people from this place on Wednesday. Mrs. Merten, Harold Bray, and Antony Turina furnished the music.
 Raymond Merriman is visiting his grandmother, Mrs. Brinton.
 Miss Isabelle Hanchett has returned from vacation spent in Orange, N. J. and New York city.
 Rev. and Mrs. T. W. Haven have re- turned from two weeks vacation spent ill Port Byron, N. Y.
 Miss Milly Buckbee has left for Hartford where she has accepted 8 position in an insurance office.
 The water in the village reservoir is quite low for this time of the year and ram is badly needed throughout the valley.
 Several from this village attended the clambake at Lime Rock last Satur- day, and all report good time.