The Washington herald., 1917-11-11
COOP.
MORNING
JUDGE
ts
D
Runouph
PERKINS
They're Never Too Old.

They're Never Too Old.
ledge. All tells nah wife dat she
is too old to dance. But she says she
kin dance as well as some OBJ desc
young guys. All says diffunt en- she
goes enyhow.
"Ah kotched her Jedge, en- she won't
do as All say en- cum home. She tells
me to go home en- sit on a tack"
well. hope you didn't do it." said
the court to Joe Brown, charged with
almost breaking the arm Of Frances.
his wife.
mo, boss" answered Joe, "Ah sat
on a Ill bench in a cell. dats wot All
sat on"
WELL" came back the court, '1f
you hadn't hit your wife and crippled
her you could go home and sit In
your morris chair. And now / have
got to send you back to Jail to sit on
the iron bench again"
well Jedge," said Joe mournfully,
"Ah amt so sorry to do dat for dis
here reason. Eff All goes home agin,
Frances will beat de debbil outen me,
en- ef All doan cum home AhIl git
beat enyhow, so All CANT see much
diffunt nohow."1 Thirty days for Joe.
The Peace Maker.
Two colored women were having a
friendly argument the other day on
X street. To the passerby 1t looked
like fight was coming.
That is what Elmer Carter thought
when he politely butt in when Julia
Mann and Irene Sanders were chew
ing the rag.
Elmer begged the ladies not to fight.
He would even pay their car fare to
their respective homes IL they would
let UP. He sure would.
Irene and Julia stopped long enough
to size up Elmer. Then Julia went
on her way. Irene started to fuss
with Elmer.
The boy got tongue-tied all of a sud-
den and she slammed him one. She
broke his glasses. She tore his red
neck tie.
A cop ran up. Both were locked
up. Julia swore at the cop. She
isn't through cussing yet.
As for Elmer, he stopped talking
long ago. He Is out s.. And Julia
went down for fifteen days. still mad
as a wet hen and convinced that talk
- ''NN 81 o4A NASoPs
just Between Ladies.
Thusrday morning Katie Green's
little boy was too sick to send to
school. At least that is what he
said.
So his mother told him to sweep
OF the sidewalk. He reniged at first
and she spanked him.
Taking the broom he threw the dirt
all over the place. Some of 1t went
onto the portion of the sidewalk
claimed by Jessie Braun.
Jessie ran out and asked Mrs. Green
to stop that boy from sweeping the
dirt on her side. OF course Mrs.
Green was in a bad humor.
The boy had aggravated her until
she was actually nervous. So with
out thinking she consigned the pleas
ant Mrs. Baum to a place where II
is awful hot all the time.
Mrs. Baum was awfully shocked.
She asked Mrs. Green to apologize
But Mrs. Green repeated the remark
And Mrs. Braun came over to Mrs.
Green and punched her in the neck
and tore her collar. Mrs. Green went
for a warrant.
The Braun woman, who has used
too much Drawn, dug down in her
cretonne bag and shelled out a ten
spot. i
Somebody stepped on the cats tail.
The only objection the cat made was
a vigorous and lusty ''meo-o-w," and
ran away.
Jack Potter poked his head out of
the window and called Mabel Jeffries,
some very impolite names. OF course
it was an accident, this stepping on
the feline's tail by Mabel.
She is nearsighted and didn't see
the bloomin' cat. But Jack wouldn't
believe. He had always put Mabel
down for a prevaricator anyhow.
"Ef yo doan apologize All will call
nah husban' en- he will knock the
taste outen yo mouth" Mabel warned
Jack.
"Ah kin lick all de husbands 20
ever had or ebber will hab?" said
Jack defiantIy.
Bang went both the fists of Mabel
and her husband on Jacks jaw. The
husband was near but Jack didn't
see him. But goodness knows he felt
him.
And so the two Jeffrles were fined
so each.
An Innocent Boy.
"Jedge. All nebber cusses, All neb-
Der swears, All nebber steals, All
nebber does enything bad, en- All
nebber hits anyone"
How old are you?" asked the court
of Isaiah Talbot. charged with swip-
ing cane from Moses Brown.
"Thuhty-six years, Jedge." Well"
said the court, 'if you were only six
weeks old 1 might believe you. But
as it is I think you are telling me
story"
The cane which Isaiah is said to
have swiped was really an overSrown
swagger stick. And it was also a
very dangerous weapon. II so used.
Moses wos a caller at the house
where Isaiah roomed. He left his
stick in the hall. Isaiah came down
stairs and without waiting to be in
troduced either to Moses or to the
cane, picked 1t up and went
And for a 80 cane Isaiah went to