The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1917-06-14

G6~HT the present Century, man
/UNG y with his Hair neatly set
MMa/ back around the Ears and
N1N>I the usual Blood Pressure,
EFA St was whizzing through a
WlA0MD suburban Lonesomeness on
a lettering Trolley. The name of the
man was Mr.. Pallzey. He had desk
with Concern that did merchandising
In a large way.
Mr.. Pallzey feared Socialism and
carried his Wife's Picture in his Watch
and wore Plasters. In other words, he
was Normal, believing nearly every
thing that appeared In the Papers.
While the Dog-Fennel was softly
brushing the FoOt-Board and the Motor
was purring consistently beneath, Mr..
PallZey looked over into a cloSe-crOpped
Pasture and became the alert Eye-Wit-
ness of some very weird DOings.
He saw a pop-eyed Person in soiled
Neglige, who made threatening move
ments toward something concealed in
the White Glover, with a Weapon re-
sembling the iron Dingus used in goug-
ing the Clinkers from a Furnace.
"What is the plot of the Piece?" he
inquired of Grand Army man, sitting
next.
81 think" replied the Veteran, 81
think he is killing GarterSnake."
"Oh, no." spoke up the conversation
al Conductor. "He is playing Golluf,"
giving the word the Terre Haute pro-
nunciatiOn.
Mr.. Pallzey looked with pity on the
poor Nut who was out in the Hot Sun,
getting himself all lathered up with
One-Man Skinny.
He said to G. A. r. that it took all
kinds of People to make World. The
grizzled Warrior arose to an equal At
titude by remarking that if the dag
he'd think 1t was Work.
Mr.. Pallzey had heard of the new
Diversion for the Idle Rich, just as
people out in the Country hear Of
Milk-Sickness or falling MeteOrS, both
well authenticated but never encOun-
tered.
While rummaging through the Sport
ing Page he could come across cryp-
tic Reference to MacFearsOn of Drum
tochtie being up and 2 to play on
HargiS of Sunset HO, whereupon he
would experience a sense of Annoy
ance and do a quick Hurdle.
He had seen in various ShOw-Win-
dows the spindly Utensils and snowy
Pellets which, he had reason to be-
lieve, were affiliated in some way with
the sickening Fad. He would look at
them with extreme Contempt and rath-
er resent their communicating cOntigu-
ity to the Mask, the Shin-Guard, and
the upholstered Grabber.
Mr.. Pallzey believed that Golf was
played by the kind of White Rabbits
who march in Suffrage Parades, wear
ing Gloves.
The dreaded Thing lay outside Of his
Orbit and beyond his Ken, the same as
Tatting or Biology. His conception OF
a keen and sporty game was Pin Pool
or Jacks Only with the Deuce running
wild.
One Sunday he was invited out to a
Food Saturnalia at Countrywide.
The Dinner was postponed until late in
the Day because they all dreaded it so
much
Friend Host said he had twosome
on at the Club and was trying out an
imported Cleek, so he invited Mr.. Pail
Gey to be Spectator.
If he had said that he was going up
tn a Balloon to hemstitch a couple of
Clouds, it would have sounded just as
plausible to Mr. Pallzey of the Whole
sale District.
The latter went along, just out Of
POliteneSS, but he was a good deal dis
appointed in his Friend. 1t certainly
did seem trifling for a Huskie weighing
one hundred and eighty to pick on
something about the size of Robins
Egg.
Mr.. Pallzey played Gallery all around
the Course. He would stand behind
them at the Tee and smile in a most
arid and patronizing Manner while
they sand-shutfled and shifted and jig
gled and joggied and went through the
whole calfsthenic Ritual of st. Vitus.
He was surprised to note how far
the RaU would SDeed when proDerly