davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-04-19

psychological effect of the $7,000,- O0O,00O bill was greatly heightened by the dispatch and enthusiasm with which it was passed, so it would be if the next most important measure for prosecuting the war were adopted with "whoop." There is certainly no reason for any prolonged debate. Let patriotism assert itself again in Congress standing by the President in his army preparations, and the country will feel all the better for it.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-04-19
SUCCESSFUL RUsE

Henry" said Mrs. Twobble, T want you to match this piece of blue ribbon for me"
 "All right, my dear" answered MT. Twobble, with an air of profound dejec- tion.. Then bright idea occurred to him and he said: There's a stunning looking girl behind the ribbon counter at Skimmins department store. By love, her eyes are just about the shade of this ribbon! I'll have chance to pay her pretty compliment"
 Never mind, Henry, I'll do the match ing myself
 As MT. Twobble made quick exit he chuckled, Tt ~orked!"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-04-19
A BAD SPELL
z Toneka State Journal.

From the Topeka State Journal.
 The school concert waseabout to be-
 gin. Four little girls were dressed to
 represent the word "star," and each
 had one letter of that word pinned on
 her snowy-white frock. Each letter
 began the verse of touching little song.
 Now" said the teacher. form yourselves in position and wait until the curtain goes up. The little girls did as they were told and while the piano played the accom- paniment the curtain went up. Instead of applause to greet the lit tie girls, deep silence from the au- dience met them. They had got into the wrong order, and the word they
 spelt was rats"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-04-19
Praise for Management

T want to express my congratulations both to the owners of the BiJou and the new management for the wonderful transformation they have made in this one-time popular playhouse, said Judge J. J. Banks. T have rarely witnessed such complete change in the remodel ing of a structure as that at LoeW's Bijou The decorations, scenery and fur nishings are all in rare taste and the ap- pointments are elegant. The manage ment seemingly has been lavish in it's ex- penditures in providing for the comfort and convenience of the patrons, feature that is sure to be appreciated by the theatregoing public. The entertainment is in keeping with the elegant surround ings, all the acts clean and of high grade, and proved very enjoyable.
 q predict the venture will be big success and the theatre become a most popular place of entertainment"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-04-19
IF MARK TWAIN COULD HEAR.


 From the Florida Times-Union.
 Mark Twain said he could count all the jokes known to man on his fingers, but those who meet the southern cracker for the first time could give him reason to doubt his conclusion. They hear tales of fishing and hunting which they write down as facts because told with straight face-these are the ghost stories of today when accepted in the spirit of their author. But here is one never excelled for real humor-the stranger had told of the crucifixion when asked for news by an old woman in the backwoods of Georgia, and she said:
 Stranger. when did you say all this happened?"
 "A long time ago." he answered. nearly 2000 years"
 And they nailed him to that ther tree when he hadn't done nothing to hurt 'em-only jest loved 'em?" "Yes.'
 She leaned further and placed her hand impressively on his knee. Wal, stran- ger," she said, the tears standing in her eyes, Tets hope it ain't so." Now imagine the gullibility of the stran- ger that went home to tell this as joke on Georgia! Picture also the tale as told afterward by the old woman to illustrate the blindness of the fool v Yankee who didn't know joke when he met it in the broad light of day! It is proposed to send Paul Reveres galloplng through the backwoods otel our Crackers that war has been declared, and we have already an intimation of what will happen in the report of the old man who drove his oxcart into Jacksonville to hear an ex- l cited clerk make the announcement to him. The old man leaned across the counter to say in whisper: Don't you get scared, sonny-Bob Leo will drive lem 1 back as soon as they start" Then the old man came into the office of the Times-Union, chuckling to tell us about the fool clerk while the clerk told Nhis
 wonderful story on the streets of the old
 Confederate who thought the Kaiser was l fighting init Siegel.'
The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-04-19
COOLEY TO MEDICINE CHEST

brought so and so through pneumonia" The modern medical man knows better
 Doctor Cabot permits one modification of his medicine chest maxim. package of sterilized gauge is a good thing to have in a home where there are children who are apt to cut themselves Sterilized gauge may be had in small packages from a drug store. It is cheese cloth sterilizcd by baking.
 In dealing with cut the important thing to remember is that it should be protected from germs Now germs swarm In the mouth, in fresh water, on the fingers. A fresh wound should not be washed or handled or sucked. It should be made to bleed a little to wash itself out with blood, and then a piece of gauge should be put over it and it should be left alone. These directions do not apply to deep wounds-by rusty nails for instance-which need surgical attention to guard against lockjaw. If occasioned by cutting the foot with an ax, gauge should be stuffed into it and pressure applied. That is about all that can be done. It is the treatment the sur geon would use.
 For most of the ordinary minor ail- ments medicine is of no particular help. When it should be used-as in some in- stances where a patient is coughing more than is good for him--it needs the direction of doctor
 Would it have been possible to imag- inc one of the old-fashioned family medi- cine books recommending for the medi- cine chest only package of sterilized gauge?
The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-04-19
From the Kansas City Star.

From the Kansas City Star.
 OT7 HE family medicine chest used to be an orthodox part of the equip eA ment of every home. It is an indi- cation of the change that has come in medical ideas that Dr. Richard Cabot of Boston in his 'Layman's Handbook of Medicine" says: T do not know sin gle medicine that think is is necessary to keep in stock in a house."
 That isn't saying that such old stand bys as castor oil and calomel do not have their uses. Indeed, Doctor Cabot quotes with approval a conversation with a physician who told him that he saw now about one-tenth of the number of babies he used to see because he had taught the mothers most that he knew. For in stance:
 A lady called me up the other day and said her baby had little trouble in his bowels q have stopped all food" she said, given water in plenty and one tenth grain of calomel every hour for five doses. Is there anything else ought to do?" I said no, not just now. Well" she said, If the baby is not better soon I shall want you to come see him." But the baby was better and I was never called.
 For such occasions 1t is usually conve- nient to send to the drug store for the necessary oil or calomel. But physicians are using less medicine than ever and are depending more and more on the right sort of nursing to help the pa tient through. Occasionally old fash toned doctors are heard to say: "I
The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-04-19

mits, "a very much more conclusive reason for the increase of rank in the army is found in the requirement re- sulting from our declaration of war against Germany for a very large in crease of our military as well as our naval forces L
 'The experience of our civil war" '" says the Journal, showed the folly of placing an officer of major-general rank over other officers of the same rank, because of his control of a larger section of military forces. Rank should correspond with com mand Enlargement of commands re- sulting from the organization of armies counting by hundreds of thou sands, require the creation of cor responding grades in military hier- archy."
 Among those who spoke against the amendment was Senator Vardaman of Mississippi. He and some others see in opposing whatever the war college or the war department recommends play to the galleries.
 But the amendment on the whole was on the right line and without doubt higher grades will be soon es- tablished.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-04-19
Germany Outclassed
 I'm Irmm amdl Steel

EN HE Iron Trade Review illustrates J in striking way the superiori- ty of the allies over the central powers in the production of pig iron and steel. Since the United States en- tered the war the resources of the entente have been increased so enor- mously that Germany is completely outclassed.
 The annual pig iron productions of the allies is now 4,429, ,089 tons; the central empires produce 20,94O,172 tons. The United States alone pro duces Al 100000 tons of steel annual ly, in comparison with 15,616, ,296 produced by Germany. Iron, steel, copper and lead, not to mention a number of other materials, are of vital necessity in modern warfare. Ger many IS SulIeIllS 1IOIh ouOl IdSC, which makes her endurance all the more amazing.
 But no matter how pluckily she may keep up the struggle for awhile longer, Germany is inevitably doomed. The odds were against her even before America declared war. With the in- exhaustible resources of this country at the disposal of the allies, her de- feat cannot be far distant.
 Even if Germany were not going hungry, the economic pressure to which she is being subjected would make her cause hopeless. With the specter of starvation before her peo- pie it is safe to assume that a few more months will tell the story.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-04-19
Quick Action On
 Arnnw RiII Needed

N7 OW that the war finance bill IN providing for the issuance of S7,0QO, ,000, ,000 in securities has passed both houses of Congress, and that, too, by unanimous vote, there should be prompt action on the administra- tion's bill for raising an adequate army, which means, of course, vast army. There was never any doubt as to the adoption of the bond meas ure-the largest budget in the his tory of any nation-but the unanimity with which it was paced on the statute books was significant and of far reaching effect. It showed that Con- gress was unfaltering in its support of the administrators policy and that it had absolute confidence in the Presidents ability to direct the ex- penditures of the government at this critical time.
 But the pending bill seeking to pro- vide for the raising of a big army is being opposed by some of the demo- crats. The selective draft feature, in sisted upon by the President, has been deemed of great importance, and there should be no opposition to it, especially in view of England's costly experience in relying at the start on volunteers.
 If the measure as now drawn passes there will still be room for 100000 volunteers. The war department has so planned it. Delay should be avoided in getting large body of troops ready for the field. And the only way that the United States can make good showing and do il promptly is by the selective conscrip. tion method.
 As the administration now points out, any further delay in passing the army bill twill endanger the war plans against Germany" As the moral and
The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-04-19
Will HeIp Get Commission

Tn reference to the enlistment of men in the National Guard who have applied for commissions in the officers reserve corps, some misunderstanding seems to have arisen," said Lieut.. Robert Thach. "Enlistment in the National Guard will in no way interfere with these appiica- tions, but on the other hand will greatly increase the chance of favorable action by the war depaTtment, and at the same time allow the applicant to commence immediate service to the nation.
 Whether the conscription plan or the volunteer plan be adopted it is my un- derstanding that the officers will neces- sarily have to come from the National Guard and the several commanders are expecting to be called upon to recom- mend men in their commands for commits sions and promotion in the national army"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-04-19
HOTEL LOBBIES
Canada Wants Information

"The fame of Alabama velvet beans and peanut oil has not only spread all over the United States, but has even reached Canada" said Emmett Jones, chief of the bureau of markets, who Is in the city. MT. Jones, incidentally, is credited with the work which put these two products on the map. T am just in receipt of a telegram from the Williams Brokerage company of Toronto, Ont, asking many questions about speckled velvet beans and peanut oil, and urging that we hasten to them full information regarding these commodities. The Alabama Development association has done much to advertise the state and incidentally provide a mar ket for peanut products and velvet beans which bid fair to have many farmers from financial ruin within the next year or two."
The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-04-19
SOMETHING PROMISED

"Of course, you expect to reduce the cost of living with that little two-by-four garden of yours" sneered the cynical person.
 s'Not materially" replied the suburban optimist. But I've given away several cans of angleworms dug up in the course of my agricultural labors. If there is such a thing as luck in fishing and grati- tude in the human heart, I may have some fish for breakfast
The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-04-19
PER AsPERA AD AsTRA

By William Collins.
 How sleep the brave, who sink to rest By all their country's wishes blessed! When spring, with dewy fingers cold,k Returns to deck their hallowed mould She there shall dress sweeter sod Than Fapcy's feet have ever trod. By fairy hands their kneil Is rung; B forms unseen their dirge is sung: There honor comes, a pilgrim gray, To bless the turf that wraps their clay And freedom shall awhile repair To dwell. weeping hermit. there!
The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-04-19
THE OTHER EXTREME

eve must clean up the stage" said the militant reformer.
 what steps do you propose to take?" asked the confirmed first nighter.
 First of all we must abolish tights" "Umph If you had seen as many bare legs as l have, you would think that the chorus girl who wears tights was mod esty personified."
The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-04-19
ESIPLsING TWENTY YEARS AFTER

obscure the idea. This we can all take to heart, even if the tribute to our ideals comes somewhat beatedy. Yet, like Saul, who stoned the disciple, but, as Paul the Apostle preached eloquently the new gospel, we can welcome Kipling con- phant Americanism that is going to save it's own soul and, incidentally, that of Europe too.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-04-19
QUEER DELUsIoN

twill politics make man forget his obligations to society,""
 T don't think 1t will as rule, but it's astonishing how soon man who gets elected to public office becomes ob- sessed with the idea that society is un- der tremendous obligations to him.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-04-19
THE LATEST FAD

There's limit to my patriotism"
 Say not so."
 But I will, and if this 'be treason, make the most of it. will not wear one of those linen collars with United States flag stamped on each point"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-04-19

BEGINNING THE DAY-LOrd, give me not to count the cost. Save me from reckoning the houses and lands | may spend, and from meas uring the blood l may spill. Grant me freedom from fear of the issue. May I simply do my duty, giving f0 Thee the treasure and the life which are Thine, and looking to Thee for the victory. In Christ's name. Amen. Ill. M. E.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-04-19
GLOOMY PROSPECT

That boy of yours is quick witted youth. He'll be heard from some day"
 T have no doubt of that" answered MT. Grabcoin. sadly. "I'll be the one to hear from him and he'll wire home for money" PAUL COOK
The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-04-19

From the Louisville Courier-Journal.
 The music critic, after a Kentucky breakfast is likely to say that the hot waffles were "a delectable example of pure artistry and technical fluency, char acterized by mellowness and richness that Is one of the African virtuoso's distin- gushing achievements
The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-04-19
Not All Vacant
 Lots CWlGiy@G@d

 THE "plant-something-to-eat cry 4 has been needed by many city folks, but not by all. School children boys and girls by hundreds if not thousands-are gardeners now for the firsttime, and many amateur hor- ticulturists are increasing their food acreage. But in many parts of Bir- mingham are lots large enough to produce potatoes sufficient for feed ing several families, which lots are not only unworked, but which will soon be unsightly with rank growth of weeds.
 The city commission has taken a keen interest in the food question and it can do practical good by Hooking up" the owners of unoccupied ground and insisting upon them doing "their bit"
 Every foot of ground planted in vegetables will count, for no matter how large the crops produced on the farms may be there will be none too much.
 It is reported that Germany offered Charley Schwab s1OO,OOO,OoO to stop mak- of those news items that is more or less important if true
 * * ,.
 Eighteen prisoners recently escaped from the county jail at Tulsa, Okla. The Jefferson county jail is not in the run ming. The late Diamond Jim Brady is be- lieved to have consumed more oysters than any other man who ever lived.
 * *
 The patriotic citizen should not devote so much attention to his garden that he forgets to swat the fly.
 x <
 Stacker Darcy found the sunny south just about as frlgid, so far as he was con- cerned, as the north pole.
 * * *
 America defies those pesky U-boats to prevent her beach beauties from taking q din in the sea The author of Esperanto is dead in Warsaw. His brain child is in mori- bund condition. Shippers who mistake large fish for torpedo should hasten into port and l sign the pledge. l Billy Sunday is turning 'em away in New York Yet, Billy is road attrac- tion. Chica gos justly famous cracksmen are , not letting the war interfere with busi- ness.
 It is easy to create di dtHioSpHere ol wealth these days Simply boil cabbage. x * ;: 1 German soldiers have healthy respect for the Canadians. There's reason. * x !: Early showings of strawberry shortcake are now being made in the food shops. * * * | An army tank" is a serviceable ma chine, but it isn't much to look at. * * x | It is no breach of neutrality now to have an American legion in France. * * I Hush. little baby, don't you cry There are no Zeppelins up in the sky.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-04-19
LID PSYCHOLOGY

I'm often sad-no doubt of that; The truth might 8 well be stated; But when I don new straw hat I always feel elated.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-04-19
Regarding War Marriages

T have recently noticed one or two news items in Birmingham papers an nouncing from 15 to 20 marriage licenses issued in the probate judges office in one day." said Alvin M. Douglas.
 And attention was directed to the war as a probable cause. However, this is not so bad when compared with other cases. In Chicago there were recently some HOO odd licenses issued in one day. And recently while in Atlanta there were 27O marriage licenses, I understood from newspaper account, issued in one day Had this occurred in Birmingham We might well have hung our heads in shame; but as it is, do not see that we have anything especially to become alarmed about, for the citizens of this city are certainly patriotic. Birmingham never suffers by comparison with other cities either in regard to civic pride or patriotism"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-04-19

From the Philadelphia Public Ledger. 72 FILING, the laureate of empire" IN as his friends liked to call him = - in the years gone by, when his muse was not so obviously clipped as to her wings of inspiration, like Tenny son with his two 'Locksley Halls" has written another poem on the theme, 'The American Spirit Speaks but hardly to the literary success of his earlier effort, printed in the Seven Seas" some 20 years ago. But, of course, since one is ever adjured never to look gift horse
 in the mouth, so, as Americans, we must, perforce. overlook the deficiencies of the new outburst, in view of it's sympathy and the spirit of friendliness that per- vades the verse. His message, more over is in marked contrast to the Amer ican Spirit" of 20 years ago, since while confessed that it was not without hope
 "of saving us," and as it were, mak- ing something decent out of the fright fully crude American material-frightful as Kipling then saw it--at the same time the possibility of salvation. as painted by Kipling, seemed little doubtful. Adopting an Emersonian verse form, the poet of the Seven Seas" lectured us like fishwife, to whom Billingsgate was the common speech. We were "unkempt.
 disreputable, vast" the scandal of the elder earth" "enslaved, illogical elate.'.
 the jester and the jest" supplying ."the text ourselves.'' Yet he had insight enough to point to the fact that our in domitable insouciance was of the kind that did not fear
 ITO shake the iron hand of fate 1 Or match with destiny for beers" There was no relief, however, from the | black picture and catalog of our short comings, onlyNthe hope that we were to ! be saved saving the poem from being as gross and gratuitous an offense as the deliberately insulting Quebec quatrain, | written at the same time which ran:
 From the gray scarp view with scorn- full eyes
 l Ignoble broil of freedom most unfree; l But fear not, mother, where the carrion l lies
 That uncean bird must be!'
 Later Tliplng got somewhat ashamed
 of this quatrain; at least. seemingly, he
 tried to forget it, helped by his pub fishers, and it is evident that now, z
 years afterward. his Attest view of tho
 American spirit in verse is more or less
 an act of penance. an expiatlon for his older abuse and contempt. As it hap I pened, this was expressed. however. il with less consideration for us, with 2 greater verbal and rhythmical felicit, than Is found in the new stanzas since
 some of them limp badly in scanning
 though the doubtful prosody does no
The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-04-19
ADRIFT WITH THE TIMES
ADVICE TO A MAID

ADVICE TO A MAID Listen, Clementina, dear Do not wed a stacker. Should lad like that appear. Seeking for a packer, Freeze him with naughty look, Let mo" be your answer; "Others may a coward brook I don't think I can, sir.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-04-19
Tennessee valley stm Hopeful

we people of the Tennessee valley are
 still working and hoping to land the
 nitrate plant for Muscle Shoals" said H.
 Fontaine Little, prominent business man of Florence who is in the city for several days "Of course there are many reports and rumors in circulation re-
 garding what the board proposes to do, but until the government makes its final l official announcement I think we may l count all of them as mere conjectures. | q still believe that there should be
 no politics in the location of this most 1 important government plant and that the best place should be selected regardless
 of it's geographical location. I think that | all experts will agree that Muscle Shoals | is the place, but the chief reason ad- vanced against it Is that this big plum
 should be divided among the various sec
 lions of the country There win certainly be needless waste in such proposition
 and we people of the Tennessee valley are counting on the government acting strict ly on the merits of this proposition.''
The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-04-19
c3mlEzMMlManlfH
MUSIC CRITIC AT BREAKFAsT

F. S.: If you are an5 American, shoy your colors, for today is Liberty Day.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-04-19

Entered at the Birmingham, Ala, postoffice as second class matter un- der act of Congress. March B. 1879.