The Washington herald., 1917-04-14

James JGnIlcS-sg1NtNeT IOuCneua me-
Won Hindenburg-'' 'Gangway, gangway!
I'm coming (home)."
Annette Kellerman-"I'm right in the
swim
BIZ stone-"An in favor of war. please
rise"
Things Not Generally Known.
German carp are not hostile, they are
elusive
Izaak Walton failed to discover the
laws Of aggravation.
John Quincy Adams never was over
charged by a taxi driver.
monkey.
Louis the Fifteenth always put on his
stockings before his shoes.
Lead pipes are not used any more for
infants to teeth on.
Cleopatra did not possess a pair Of
trouserettes.
Nero did not use kerosene when he set
Rome on fire.
Wood shavings are really not found In
breakfast food packages.
Niagara Falls was in the same place
when Christopher Columbus came over.
Promptness.
Then" said the young man with q
tragic air, as he was leaving the room,
"this is your final decision?"
ut is, Mr.. Carrots" replied the young
girl. firmly.
"Then." he replied, his voice betraying
an unnatural calmness, there is but one
thing more to add"
"Yes?" she questioned. sweetly.
'Tt is this-shall I return those white
satin suspenders by mail, or will you
have them now?'-Harper's Magazine.
What did the old man say when you
asked him II you could marry his daugh-
teri"
ASKED me If could support him in the
same style she did."-Baltimore Ameri-
can.
Mrs. Jones-I met Johnny Fuller today.
He says I am getting fat\
Jones-Its natural he should say 30.
Mrs. Jones-Why?
Jones-You were looking Fuller IN the
face.-Tit-Bits.
Jack-who is that nne-Iooking girl that
Just bowed to you?
Tom (gloomily)-Oh. that Is my sister.
Jack-why. old chap, 1 wasn't aware
that you had a sister.
Tom-weu. I wasn't aware OF II myself
until last night-Indianapolis Star.
American people have a very high ap-
probation of the humor of Englishmen,,
and have been specially tickled by q
story Col. Cody used to tell He said
that some years ago an Englishman who
had never been in the West before was
his guest. They were riding through a
Rocky Mountain canyon one day. when
suddenly a tremendous gust of wind came
swooping down upon them and actually
carried the Englishman clean of the
wagon seat. After he had been picked
up, he combed the sand and gravel out
of his whiskers and said;
ct say! I think you overdo ventilation
in this countryr'-Tit-Bits
why Notf
II a female duke is a duchess,
Would a female spook be a spuchess?
And II a male goose Is a gander,
Then would a male moose be a mander?
II the plural Of child Is children.
Would the plural of wild be wildren?
If a number of cows are cattle.
Would a number Of bows be battle?
If a man who makes plays is a play
wright,
Would a man who makes hay be a hay
wright?
II a person who fails is a failure,
Would a person who quails be quail
ure?
If the apple you bite is bitten,
Would the battle you fight be f1ttenT
And If a young cat be kitten.
Then would a young rat be a ritten7
II a person who spends is a spendthrift,
Would a person who lends be lend
thrift?
n drinking too much makes a drunkard.
would thinking too much make thunk-
ard7
But why pile on the confusion?
Stiu I'd like to ask in conclusion:
If a chap from New York's New Yorker
Would fellow from Cork be corker?
life.