The herald. [volume] (New Orleans, La.) 1905-1953, 1917-12-27
A Deacon S
Deal
a.
By John Boylan


Copyright, 1917, by the Mcclure Newspa.
per Syndicate.)
There is an ancient idea still floating
around that because man is a church
deacon he must take the small end
of the bargain when he either buys OF
sells. If he trades horses he must
take a blind one in exchange and be
thankful that the equine has four legs
to move about on.
If he makes cider to sell he must
turn out the pure quill, whereas any
one else is excused for q dilution of
five pals of water to a barrel.
For about fifteen years Deacon
Goodhue had been governed by the an
cient idea, and had been looked upon
as man that would be leader among
the angels, but all of q sudden there
came q change. He had been think
ing things over, and when he killed
an early fall pig he did not send the
remains around among the nearest ten
families, as had been his wont. and
keep the ears and bristles for his por-
ton. And hereupon the people ex-
claimed:
Deacon Goodhue has surely back
slidw
"Within month he'll be selling milk
instead of giving it away"
"He can't develop such a spirit as
this and expect to remain in the
church,"
Deacon Goodhue dug thirty bushels
of potatoes from his garden that fall,
and instead of giving away twenty of
them, and living on turnips after Janu-
airy, he stored every peck of them in
his own cellar. Some folks said that
the evil omen had surely got hold of
him, and some almost excused his I'M
heard and unwarranted conduct by
saying that he was losing his mind.
Whatever it was, he kept right on
springing his surprises. Brother Abb
salon Springtree had a sick cow. He
asked q tin peddler to diagnose the
case, and, after looking at her eyes
and twisting her tail, the man looked
wise and said:
"That re COW has got q bad case
of the holler-horn."
"ShOo! Will she die Of it?"
"The chances are nine out of ten
that she WILL"
"What had l better do about it?"
TRADE her off, and that without n
days delay. Don't you know of any
one around here you can stick?"
"Um! Why, there is Deacon Good
hue?"
go for himr'
The COW was driven over to the
deacon's. He stood a rod away and
looked over and shook his head and
replied:
bad case Of the holler-horn."
"But you can cure it,"
81 don't want to. Let her die on
your hands,"
That reply went to the parson, and
he was asked to entertain charges.
"Was there any cheating on the
part of the deacon?" he asked.
"N-o-o, not skassly."
"Then what can he be charged
within"
"Why, refusing to do q neighborly
act!"
"You believe in Moses, don't your"
"Of course, parsOn."
"He was q good manT
"a mighty good man."
GIJa rr-oC hn nrrnar of noxt-c
"He was"
do you think he would trade a
good COW for one with the hollow
horn?"
The caller went away disgruntled.
and the deacon kept right on being
good to himself.
No deacon has ever been considered
a good business man, and when 1t was
known that Deacon Goodhue was
branching out little it was predicted
that:
The eggs he sent to market would
all addle.
That the butter would all turn
frowny.
That the strawberries would turn
sour, and that the calfskins would be
a losing venture.
They went to the parson again, and
after he had heard the story he re-
piled:
ooh, i don't know"
"But you will surely talk to him?"
"Oh, yes. / will tell him that /
wished more men of the world attend
ed my church"
"Parson Stebbins!" was gasped.
"In which event my salary. poor as
1t is, would not be from five to six
months behindw
Deacon Goodhue was like a dramat-
fist. He worked up to climax. Per-
haps 1t was because he was not q
business man that he got a hint that
railroad was coming to town, and
CPEYu0IlNn FAST as PlGE0N