Harrisburg telegraph. [volume] (Harrisburg, Pa.) 1879-1948, 1917-01-12
MONIAL
FABLES
BY DOROTHY DIX

Once upon a time there were two
Golf Widows who met under the Shade
of the Sheltering Palms at Tea
Fight, and began to tell each other the
Stories of their Lives
Woe is me-" cried the first Woman
Beating upon her Breast, for in this
Wretched Creature, that you see be-
fore you, you behold Woman whose
Heart has been broken and her Home
wrecked by the Accused Game of
Golf.
I was Once Happy Wife. with a
Noble and Devoted Husband, who
lived an Exemplary Life, going to
his Office at nine a. N. and return
ing at five-thirty p. m, to be the Lie
tie Sunshine of the House
"On Sundays and Holidays we took
Delightful little Excursions together,
and we spent our Evenings in Heart
to Heart Talks and trying out the
new Records on the Phonograph.
"All was Merry as a Marriage Bell
in our humble Home until the Temp
ter came and Lured my Husband out
on the Links. Now on SUNDAYS and
Holidays he Arises with the Dawn and
beats it out to the Golf Course. leav-
ing me to pass the Long Hours by my
Lonely:
AT Night when he comes Home
from Playing forty-seven Holes he is
so Tired and Hungry he is not fit for
Human Companionship. All that he
wants to do is to Stuff himself and
then seek the Hay.
Moreover, during the Time when
In. .lag,Ya
the most Interesting Subject in the
World to Discuss. he made Much
Money, but now that his thoughts and
Interests are centered on Golf the lit
tie old Pay Envelope gets Thinner and
Thinner, and ] apprehend that we will
end up in the Poor House.
When | Complain about finding
Lie Dull, with no one to Talk to, my
Husband Invites me to go to the Golf
Course with him, but not being Nom
Compose Mentis L find no Thrill in
Chasing Pill over a Cow Pasture, nor
am l one who Enjoys sitting with the
old Cats on the Club House Gallery.
Knitting Tides and Suspicioning the
Worst about every Woman who is
Younger and better Looking than ]
am.
MY Husband says that is no Com
fort to me, because / apprehend that
it is better to be a Sad Widow with a
nice little Wad of Insurance than it
is to be Golf Widow with no one to
Hold your Hand
believe me, that when we Suf-
fragists get the Vote and make the
Laws, we will put Golf in the same
Category with Murder, Arson and
Mayhem
There is much in what you say"
replied the Second Woman. "but even
a Golf Ball may have a Silver Lin
ing"
II had the Misfortune to Draw a
Perpetual Crouch in the Matrimonial
Lottery. When he put his Key in the
Front Door of an Evening you could
feel the Temperature of the House go
down to Freezing Point, and the Cat
would hike for the Cellar
Nothing ever Pleased him. and his
idea of Pleasant Evening at Home
was to Check over the Bills and Lam
bast me for not Running the House
on Air.
Sundays and Holidays were times
of Torture, because he Improved the
Shining Occasion by Shopping around
the Pantry and the Ice Box.
I'm the Happy Hoursome one Taught
him how to play Golf and now he
spends all his Time on the Links. and
there is great Peace and Joy in our
Home.
Nor do I pine away with loneliness,
for 1 have Discovered that there are
many Interesting Men who do not
care for the Ancient and Honorable
Game. and that they are good Samari-
tans who are Perfectly Willing to
Wipe Away the Tears from a Golf Wi
dow's Eyes so long as she is a Good
LOCKER"
Moral: This fable teaches that YOU
can get a Golf Husbands Number by
observing his Widows Attitude to-
ward the Gama.