The Watertown news. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1917-1919, 1917-05-28
: THE STROLLER :

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Watertown has some attractions, some
are great and some are small,
Some are worse and some are better,
some are simply none at all,
But of all the city's wonders that a
stranger here may face,
Is the luscious high-toned, high-pow-
cred tempting lunch at Louie's place.
Sometimes he will have "wienies," and
again he will serve cheese,
And at other times some pretzels will
be placed outside to please,
But since the pretzel benders' union
went out on strike,
Louie puts up other fruit-whatever
things you like.
Far famed is Louie's lunchlet, and
they come from near and far,
And they hang around and drape
themselves across our Louie's bar.
Some might think it was liquids that
attracted in this case,
But not so, tis the luncheon that is
served in Louie's place.
But best of all about this lunch that
beats them all at that,
Is the fact that Louie sets it where it
cannot be got at,
So il you wish these dainties, and de-
sire to feed your face,
Just take it out in looking at the
lunch at Louie's place.
Il notice. said the wise guy as he
pushed his empty glass back, 'I notice
that they are advertising a food here
in this magazine that is shot from
guns.
''The ad says that they put corn or
rice or something or other in cannons
and then touch 'er off, and the stuff
comes out all swelled up about ten
times the size it was before, and then
you add sugar and cream and hop to
it."
We'll, what of it." asked a by
stander.
What Of it, said the orator. What
of it, you ask. You poor boob? Don't
you see that the country is already
saved from starvation, for I have al
ready acted on this suggestion and i'm
proved upon it beyond the widest
dreams of this poor inventor of food
shot from guns"
"Howthehell'sthat," said a credu-
lous listener.
We'll, you see, it's this way" con-
tinued the man with the big idea |
decided at once that if this would work
with corn and rice and all that why
not with turnips, cabbages, prunes
and beans-and in fact potatoes and
everything.
"All that is necessary Is for every
family to buy cannon and set it up
on the back porch. Then you go down
to the grocery, and buy a quart of po-
tatoes-mind you, a quart-not a
bushel. Then you come home and load
up the cannon. 'Bing,' and a potato
comes out as big as a beer keg, and
the whole family is supplied for two
weeks, and at a cost Of a few cents
No more plowing up lawns, and max
ing the high toned folks get out with
hoes to pose for the camera man. Load
the gun up with prunes, and they
come out as big as cabbage and cab
bages swell up as big as a barrel
"a cannon can be bought for from
$4,000 to $4,000, and look at the saw
ing. Now for instance, scoop-fulI of
beer poured into the cannon would
come out"
But the bartender had heard enough,
and grabbing bung starter he start
ed from behind the mahogany with
blood in his eye, and the inventor dis
appeared out the door of the gilded
palace of inquity.
Friday, May 25, 1917 will be a day
long remembered in Watertown his
tory for it was on that memor-
able date that the Watertown News
first saw the light Of day.
Around the office all day there was
an intense atmosphere, although the
force was SO we'll trained that little
showed on the surface Several little
things occurred, however, which show
ed that the force was under intense
pressure. For instance, Bob Holland
left the office several times without
his coat, and Gene mixed up a death
notice with q wedding. In the excite
ment Zeno came near expectorating
in the melting pot OF the Mergenthaler
instead OF in the cuspidor, as was his
custom and Cap nearly fed cheese