The herald. [volume] (New Orleans, La.) 1905-1953, 1917-08-30
HIS HARD LUCK
BY ADA TURBOT.

VI course, what the group had real
ly been discussing was the war. But
that didn't make any difference. Ev.
erybOdy knows that the man who look.
out OF the window is not paying the
least attention to the topic under dis
cuSSiOn.
I'D never convict IMAM on circum.
stantial evidence" continued the law.
yer.
whats that got to do with the
atomic theory of the univerSeW asked
the man who had been calculating
General Nive'le's tactics.
You know my first name is Ivan
explained the windOw-gazer. And
that is rather an odd name in this
cOuntry-perhaps one in hundred
thousand. The chances are if you
would go out on Main street today and
stop every man you met and ask him
II his name was Ivan you would work
a week before you'd find one. And yet
there was an Ivan here once, some
where, who came near getting me into
n peck Of trOublc. He laid the foun-
datiOn for my disbelief in CircGastan-
tial evidence"
well, tell it TO US, brother, before
We leave the church"
II ought to tell you also that my
wife's name is not Laura, SOS you'll
get the fine points of the story. Please
bear that in mind. Well, il happened
this way. Ny wife had been wanting
Il gold watch for long time and |
had been promising her one for just
as long a time. A day or two before
her last birthday an old client of mine
came in and paid me a hundred dollar
fee that l had given up as lost, and
so l determined to crafty my wife's
long cherished desire and get her
gold watch for her birthday. So l
began window shopping as u prelimin-
airy to the final transaction, and was
standing looking in at some fine bits
of chronOmetrical bijouterie-"
"All together, bOys-beg pahdOnw
in a jewelry store window when
a friend of mine who was in the pawn
brokers' business came along and laid
his hand upon my shoulder and asked
me what l was looking for In the jew
elry line. / told him. Well, he says,
you come on down to my place. / have
got several peck measurefuls of
ladies' watches. Why pay hundred
dollars when l can sell you one for
twenty-five, just as good, and give you
a fine case to put it in and nobody will
be any the wiser? Well, you know
economy is the mother of inventions,
or something of that sort, and we had
potatoes to buy as well as watches for
the hOme-anyway, l went along. 1t
looked like he had bushels of them,
all styles. l fumbled them over and
picked out a handsome little full-jew-
eled. self-starter, with a little diamond
in the center Of the lid, and put it in
one of those rich-loOking purple velvet
boxes with swansdown on the inside
and brought 1t home and presented
1t to my wife on the morning of her
birthday and all went as merry as a
marriage bell, as John L. Sullivan used
to say.
THAT Is to say, for about ten min
utes, during which time my wife, with
gushes of feminine rapture, examined
the gift inside and outsider, rather,
outside and then inside. And when
she got clear into the vitals Of the
pesky thing, saw a change come over
ner countenance. But she didn't say
anything-not just at that time. She
went ahead thoughtfully eating her
grapefruit-the event occurred at
breakfast-while 1 slipped my coffee
and read the sport page. Then
heard my wife ask, with gentle purr
in her voice:
"Ivan, who is LauraT
Laura? What Laura? Don't know
any immediate party by that name
"Then tell me what this means
she says, and she handed me over the
birthday gift with the inside lid, next
to the machinery open. Would you be.
lieve it, boys"
Chorus: mo, we certainly will not
Engraved on that inside lid, in let
tiers of fire, they seemed to me, were
the WORDS. FROM ivan 10 Laura
Christmas, 1919 l tried to explain. ]
owned up to the truth about getting II
by chance in pawnbrOker's shop.
talked fast and earnestly, but, say,
had some job putting it over that thai
wasn't q watch that had given and
got back from another girl. Just think
of my landing on that particular watch
out of several bushels of them in that
pawnshOp-just think of the mere
chance of that pawnbroker's happen
ing along just as l was about to step
into that jewelry store to buy one
why, the chances are one In a million
that I'd land on a watch with the
name Ivan in it. Just fancy-and
that's the reason that I'd never convict
a man on circumstantial evidence.
"But, say, Ivan," said one of the
group, don't you remember that girl
that was cashier in the Pink Lobster
Cabaret? Her name was Laura. The
world is full of condolences. All, yes"
Economic Suggestion.
During some excavations in dis