New Mexico state record. (Santa Fe, N.M.) 1914-19??, 1917-08-10
CHAPTER NxIl.@ontinued.

III
There was something peculiarly hor-
Cifying to him In Uhe exhibition Ran
dOIpli was making of himself He'd
never in his life taken a drink TX.
ccpt convivially. and then he took ~
lltc aS would pass muster. Going Off
alone and deliberately fuddling one
self. MS n means Of escaping unpleuS-
ant realities. struck him as an act Of
the lIasest c0wardlcc But for that
picture of Rose he'd have gone long
< and left Randolph TO his bemuScd
reflections. Only Rose had
asked him to drop in on thc doctor for
u visit. Did she mean she wanted him
20 fry 10 h"lp2
He tried, though not very success
fully. TO conceal his violent diSrcliSh Of
h task, when he said. Look here,
Jim What is thc matter with YOU?
Are you sober enough 10 tell me-"
lttndolph put down his glass. Il
have told YOU" he said "Im Eleanor's
Kept nnln. Wen Kept, oh. yes Beau
tilully kept. I'm nothing but a pos
session of hers a trophy Of sorts, an
ornament. I'm something she's MAGE.
! hay" n big practice, I'm the most
1lslli Iniblc doctor IN Chicago They
onc here, the women, in shoals.
THAT'S Elennor'S doing I'm n fnkrr,
II fraud. | pose for them ! play up.
J give tl'm what they want And
that's her doing, They 80 silly about
me; flt"y they're IN love With me,
- haven't done n HEX OF honest work
IN the last year, | can't work. She
won't let me work. She smothcrs me.
Wherever | turn, there she is. smooth
Ing things ont, trying 70 make If easy.
trying 10 anticipate my wan I've
only one want. That's 20 be let alone.
She ant do that, She's Unsuitable.
Thcre's always something more she's
trying TO get, and I'm always trying 70
keep something away from her, and
failing"
"And why? 10 you want to know
why. Aldrirh? That's the cream of the
thing. Because we're IN love with
each other. She wants me to live N
Tier love To have nothing else to live
on.
"Do you want TO know what my mo-
zion of heaven is? II would he TO 60
OF alone, with one suit of clothes in
- handbag. oh, and fifty or hundred
dollars IN my pocket wouldn't mind
Chat ] don't want TO hr q tramp-to
som" mining town, or Stun, where |
could start n general practice; whore
Che things I'd get would be occiicnt
cases, confinement cases: real things,
urgent things. that night and day are
all alike to. I'd like 90 start again and
Nc poor get this stink Of easy monrv
out Of my noStrilS, ia Ike to Sce If /
could make good ON my own,
81 came back from New YORK, after
Chat look at Rose, meaning TO do i:
meaning to talk II out with Eleanor
and tell her why. and then go Well, [
talked. Talks cheap. But ! didn't 90.
I'll nnv"r 90. I'll go on getting softer
and NOR" Of a fake. more dependent. Z
And Eleanor will 90 on eating mo up
until the last thing in me that's me
myself is gone. And then, some day, /
she'll look at me and see that I'm moth
ing"
Then. With suddenly thickcnad speech
Can ntr"rtition, p%crhnps), he looked mp
81 Rodney and demanded:
"Whit are You looking 50 SolrUn
about? Can't you talk" u joke? Como
alon. and hir" another drink
"Np." Rodney said. 'T'm going. And
you'd hrtt"r get 60 bed"
Rodney walked home that night like
a man jaled. The vividness Of one
blazing idea blinded him. The thing
that Randolph had seen and lacked the
courngr TO do: the thing Rodney de-
suised l,iui for a coward for having
failed to do-that thing Rose had done.
without knowing il, yielding 20 Il
tiini. uu,rrutinizcd instinct, he'd want
cd Rose 10 live on his owe He'd tried
60 smopth thingS out for her, anticipate
her wants He'd wanted her soft, help
less dependent. She'd seen, even then.
sonu .flnnE he'd been blind to-some-
thlAs he'd blinded himself 70. that
lave, g,v Itself, WAS not enough. That
ii cprlI poison, As well as feed.
I,ut she had won, among the rest of
her spoil, of victory. the thing she had
oris,u,lly set out 20 get, His friend
ship aud respect, Friendship, he re-
mciul,rreI her saying, was a thing you
Ind TO earn. When you'd earned II, it
couldn't be withheld from YOU. Well.
u vas right she should be told that;
made to understand IL 70 the full. lie
cout,in t ask lipr 10 come back - him.
But she must know that her respect
was a., necessary now 20 him rs she'd
once said his VAS to her. lie must see
her lni tell her that.
~, stopped abruptly in his walk. His
., the PsalmiSt said. turned to
water How should lie confront that
gaze of hers. which knew so much and
understood so deeply-he with the
memory of his two las ignominious en-
with her behind him?
CHAPTER XIV. ,