The Daily Missoulian. [volume] (Missoula, Mont.) 1904-1961, 1917-10-12
Three Rocks That
Wreck Marriage
The Outside Influence.
ey Sophie Irene Loeb.

~ O0pUoO UtOO0 A0o0s
From the various letters that re.
ceive in which people expound the
causes that make and break happiness
in marriage, ! have selected three OF
I the most common of each kind to set
forth in these columns.
! The first one treats OF 1.-THE Little
Troubles that are the Last Straws- in
which the husband and wife burden
each other with their trifling trials
80 much that finally 1t grows on them
and gets on their nerves. and they
learn to dislike each other.
In this article I have In mind
couple that drifted apart and broke
up marriage that might have proved
happy union. They were married
very young and lived in q small vil-
lage, having grown up together"
The young mans business later
called him to large city. They were
very glad to come. 1t was new VEN
ture. They were both young and life
doomed up very joyous indeed.
The young man was successful and.
in a social way they became ac-
quainted with several very nice people.
The young woman was ambitious and
wanted to be like her city sisters. She
former a close friendship with two or
three women and they helped her to be
like them. That Is to say, they helped
decide many things for her, such an
the style Of dresses, the new set Of
dishes. where to buy groceries, etc.
Now. this would have been all very
well but for the fact that they looked
to the wifes opinion and she looked to
them as the alpha and omega of proper
methods.
Therefore when any discussion arose
between the husband and wife the
wifes contentious were always backed
up with but Mrs. Jones says" and
what would Mrs. Smith think if
did" such and such a thing. And al
ways her decision was based on the
possible approval or disapproval Of her
friends when she analysed a situation
before she took action.
This attitude somehow became COM
tagious. for the husband used it as
we'll. The buying of his new suit was
influenced by what the man In the Of
flee working next to him would think
about it. When he invited a friend to
the house he always asked his wife to
arrange things as he had found them
in the friends house SO as to measure
up with him.
In a word, with the couple every
body's views superseded their own
They seemed to live to please the
people outside their own four walls.
As time went along and important
things were to be decided they would
call in some friend Of the family to
act as referee.
If it were decided against the huS-
band he would be cranky" for sew
| eral days to come, and If it was de-
cided against the wife. as usual, 'she
was of the same opinion stir and
| would act accordingly. Many such ar
gurnents brought about quarrels.
The woman would run to her woman
friends and confide her troubles, 10
them. AS general thing they
her thinking she was most abused
sympathized with her and usually left
| martyr.
| Then he would strongly disapprove
| of her friends, and she would so to see
them secretly. When the big quarrel
came and she left him the friends who
sided with her expressed approval OF
her course and told her she was quite
right to go home to mother.
| bul, as usual WITH SUCH tHluSS, tIley
did nothing to help her or to aid her
to adjust the marriage cogs to move
| without screeching.
After separating, this couple realized
that if it had not been for this outside
influence they might have gone on
happy to the very end. For they had
known each other SO many years be-
fore marriage, and had been SO happy
because there was no outside influ-
ence."
Each reflected that if he had been
careful to settle his own differences
and had allowed no outsiders to dom
mate his actions or influence him. they
would have continued happy as in
their early days.
There are many. many couples like
this. Sometimes this outside influ-
ence is the mother law Or the rela-
ive-in-law. Sometimes 1t Is the opin-
ion of a friend: sometimes it is a
neighbor or some other couple in bet
ter circumstances.
But 1t is a mistake to let outside
influence interfere. Married couples
must live their own lives. Take the
opinion of the outsider for what 1t
is worth-from the outside. But
make your decision to conform with
what oh NJ Won lly want