The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1917-02-22
GROUNDING ERRS;;
HE'S IN BAD NOW
FeebIy Boasts OF Two Gloomy
Days, But Wife Scorns
Prophet.

parade IN carnival spirit " AOIhCht
the members of the household. Mrs.
. Grounding, nee Woodchuck, is in
highest dudgeon, threatening with
almost every breath to leave her de-
jected spouse.
Little Arctomys Grounding and
Marmot Grounding, the unhappy
couples son and daughter, respective
Iy. do not know what alI'the row is
about. They are living in fear and
trembling.
Between sucks on old carrot roots,
the youngsters cast furtive chances
at their daddy, who sulks in a dark
corner, sullenly gnawing on a wither-
ed and shriveled turnip. With a
whipped cur expression in his once
sparkling eyes, old father Ground
hog now and then looks up at his
angry consort, but never a word
speaks he.
Larder Getting Low.
The trouble in the House OF Ground
hog is Of several days standing. Mrs.
Grounding is almost distracted over the
high cost Of living. being not entirely
unlike her human sisters in this respect,
and the barren condition Of the larder is
causing her many sleepless nights.
AS IL this were not enough to try the
patience and soul of the stoutest heart
ed feminine grounding. she is sorely
troubled and deeply wounded because
the name Of her forebears has been
brought into disgrace, the fair es-
cutcheon of the family besmirched and
her children foredoomed to the derisive
boots and jeers of their companions
Mrs. Grounding was once a proud and
i 10 Cd In
homage paid her as the scion Of a house
famed throughout the length and breadth
Of the land for the accuracy Of its every
prophecy.
Whereas, a few days ago she was as
comely an individual as ever inhabited
a Woodchuck burrow and kept her sleek,
exclusive gray furs as tidy as pin and
as shimmering as sealskin, today she
appeared haggard and bedraggled. and
her clothing was in sad state Of mussi-
ness and disrepair.
Said He Saw Shadow.
An escapade on the part of old
man Grounding on February blight
ed the whilom happiness which once
reigned in the burrow.
On February Mrs. Grounding
called her husbands attention to the
fact that provisions were running low
in the larder and that il behooved
him as the man of the house to fare
forth, stir his stumps and rustic up
something with which the family
might keep body and soul together
until spring.
At this point it were well that Mrs.
Grounding be allowed to tell her own
story in her own way. She is on the
warpath for keeps and might take
violent and vigorous exception to
being misquoted, or to an inaccurate
Interpretation of her picturesque
language.
What did you do?" she demanded
Of her covering spouse, ready to tear
him to pieces il he attempted to
answer.
What did you do?" she continued.
You haven't even got the manhood
to answer, for you know you lied.
You alf-heartedly shambled to the
front door there, took a peep outside,
pretended to SILVER and shake with
fright and slinched and scudded back
here by the fire. YOU told some cock
and bull story about seeing carniver-
Gus animals providing about and tried
TO stuff me with an alarm yarn about
how narrow an escape 1 had from
widowhood. You said you had seen
your shadow, butt that puts no bread
in the mouth of this family.
ReRpIng Harvest of Hunger
What IL you did see your shadow?
is that any reason why mr. children
and l should be made to feel the
pangs OF Enawing hunger in our
vitaIs? ! doubt that you saw your
shadow, because ! do not believe
-
likes of such a reprobate as you even
in a siIhoutte.
You are a lazy hulk. You came
back with that shadow story, and
YOU can take that expression any way
YOU want to. as an excuse for not
going out apd doing your duty tow
ard providing subsistence for this
family"
From time immemorial, she said,
the WoodchUck family, from which
she Inherited her name and pride, had
enjoyed the distinction of having ac-
curately prophesied weather condi-
tions six weeks i'm advance. She
called attention to the fact that for
centuries men in weather bureaus in
various parts of the world had sought
to discredit the family's prognostica-
lions. but the predictions had with
stood all the assaults and the genus
arctomys come out with flying cOlorS
Your sinking back into this warm
cUbbyhole was interpreted as meaning
six weeks Of bad weather" she shrieked,
after regaininE her fiuency. Two weeks
have passed since that fatal, mournful
day in my life, and what kind OF
weather has the human family had?'
Boasts of Bad Days.
At this point Mr.. tiroundhog started
10 humble something about the weather
last Thursday and on February 5.
shut up. don't you dare answer me
back" shouted Mrs Grounding.
Il know there have been two moder-
ately mean days, but you cannot lie out
Of the fact that the weather during the
rest Of the time has been SalubrioUs.
The people are even mistaking this win
ter for spring. because Of the bright sun
shine and balmy atmosphere.
And here are my children. who. ac-
cording to all the laws of nature. are
entitled to a heritage Of prophecy or a
prophetic heritage. From now on they
must bear the jibes, jests, and taunts of
these beasts Of the field who will deride
them for being the offspring OF a MEM
Der of the Ananias Club. Ii is too much
for one poor woman 10 bear. Oh, why
was / ever born? / am going back to
mother and take my children with me-"
Well. that's better than bringing your
mother here" grOwled Mr.. Groundhog..