Metropolis weekly gazette. (Metropolis, Ill.) 1???-19??, 1917-07-27
AN INEFFECTIVE
REVENGE
By Alan Hinsdale


idence of Mrs. Van Arsdale, and man.
taking a phonograph from IL. carried IL
to the front door. Miss Birdie VaR
Arsdale was sitting on the porch at tho
time and asked him what she could do
for him. Presenting the photograph,
he said:
Il am introducing the burglar alarm
photograph. 1t is especially designed
for unprotected families and renders
other defenses unnecessary. 1t Is con-
nected electrically with such openings
In the house as would be considered
available by a burglar, wound ready
for use. and ON his breaking the con-
nection the clockwork is set going.
The machine then addresses the bur-
glar. who. finding his presence In the
house to be known, beats precipitate
retreat"
The prelude to such encomiums as
drummer knows how to pour out upon
what he has for sale caused the young
lady to call out:
Mother Come here"
Mother came. The salesman repeated
what he had already said and contin-
ued like a trotting horse on an endless
track:
IF the burglar is one of the desper.
ate kind any member of the family
who has been awakened by the phono-
graphs first words may move slide
marked shoot" and the report of
pistol will be heard This slide point
ing to another. lis to call the police.
Mother and daughter exchanged
glances. They were deprived of mans
protection and never went TO bed with.
out poking canes and umbrellas under
their beds. Mr.. Van Arsdale was
obliged to spend his summers in the
city and was rarely with them. When
he came up he lay like a watchdog ON
u wire inclosed portion of the porch.
and his wife and daughter slumbered.
Mrs. Van Arsdale asked the price of
one of the monographs, drew check
for the 500 asked. and after the new
owner had been duly instructed the
drummer departed
1t was Saturday evening. Mr.. Van
Arsdale had written that he would not
be able TO spend the week end with his
family. and after the house was closed
for the night Mrs. Van Arsdale and her
daughter placed the photograph at the
top of the staircase leading down to the
front door The salesman had put in
all the connections, and there was moth
ing to be done except make the attach
ments. These things having been at
tended TO, the ladies went to bed, and
sleep and oblivion reigned over all.
Mr.. Van Arsdale changed his mind
and went home.
1t was just twenty minutes to Il
when Mr. Van Arsdale arrived at home
and stepped lightly on to his porch that
he might not awaken his wife and
daughter. His out of door bedding not
being provided, he thought he would
go upstairs stealthily and get it. IN
sorting his night key, he opened the
door and as he stepped into the hall
felt his foot catch in some obstruction,
such as a fine wire or light string.
What was his establishment to hear a
sonorous voice burst forth:
AHA You thought to get In here
without our knowing it, did you? Adj
vance at your peril I've got the drop
on you An inch further and you're a
dead mani
1t must be admitted that such a re.
ception on entering his own house had
marked effect on Mr.. Van Arsdale.
The only motion he made was throw
ing up of his hands. He could not see
the speaker, but he supposed the speak.
er could see him. since he had declared
that he had the drop.
At the first challenge of the intruder
Mrs. Van Arsdale and Birdie both slid
out of bed and made for the position
of the monograph, reaching 1t just as
the talking machine pronounced the
words "a dead man."
rs he going out?" whispered Mrs.
Van Arsdale, shivering
NO" replied the daughter. 81 think
l can hear him down there near the
door,
Push the slide calling the police"
Birdie felt for the slide, bur, not be-
ing able to see In the dark, struck the
wrong one. There was Il shot, follow
ed by the words" Well, then, take
that"
Something was heard to drop In the
hall below.
What have you done?" cried the
mother frantically. II told you to
move the slide calling the police!
You've killed him.
why, mother, it wasn't q real shot.
1t couldn't hurt any one"
The imagination is powerful-at least
Mr.. Van Arsdale found ii so, for ON
hearing the shot he felt shock: his
knees gave way and let him down.
When he heard his wife accusing his
daughter Of having killed him, not feel
ing at all dead. he called out In his
own true voice:
what in thunder Is all this about?"
why, it's papa" cried Birdie
"Oh, Henry are you killed? l mean
are you frightened to death?'
II reckon that's about it-frighfeped