The Washington herald., 1917-10-11

II You Don't Believe IL, Read His
tory.
Bluebird had just finished talking
with his tenth wife, "Looka here,
Irene" he said, IF you don't quit
Leaving hairpins laying loose on the
floor, one of US is going to lose our
heads"
Captain John Smith stood on the
gunwale Of his motorboat at James,
town in 1907. looking at a fine bunch
Of Indians: Boys" he said, how
much per head will you charge to
pose for my new movie fllum?
Nero had taken the last record of
the Victrola. Turning to Nell Gwynn.
he said, Nell old gal, what's the
latest scandal from Paris?'
Gabe Harkin Sezi
Talk about ther girls wearin' too
few clos, did ye ever see an i'm
modest cannibal?"
Pleasant Dreams.
Somebody said that Uncle Sam
should own our street car lines.
That's nothing new to you or me,
they've said that lots of times. But
nothing ever came Of 1t. twas soon
forgot about. It's time that Con-
gress went to work, and not stand
round and shout 1t would be nice
to have a seat, when you come home
from work. And not stand up all
tired out, and have 'em pull and
jerk. We may get seven whole
square feet, we may get even less.
know we wouldn't be worse of, and
that you will confess. Just think
of eight car tickets for lonesome
two-bit piece. and free transfers to
all the cars, how traffic would in
crease! You wouldn't have to stand
and wait and cuss the motorman. you
get a street car right away. they'd
always be on hand. But It all sounds
much like dream, I am afraid II
won't come true, so let's get or the
old wishbone and ride like we al
ways do.
TO sAMMIE.
Wen sew for you. and knit for you.
and buy you "eats" and smokes. "
Well send you pretty pictures,
And we'll write you funny Jokes,
Well pray you sail safe and serene
Over the oceans foam.
And we'll keep your little gardens
Until you come back home.
For you have gone to fight for all
That's sacred and that's dear.
We'd love to be there with you;
It's harder to stay here.
But well be brave, not fearful
Soldiers women hide their pain;
So we'll keep your hearth fires cheer
full
Till you come home again.
ANCHUSA, in Chicago Tribune.
A Cryptic Missourian.
When you patronize the Imperial
soda fountain with your girl. remem-
ber you kill two birds with one at me.
-Tipton Times.
Promoted.
He was fat, he rode in a limousine,
A captain of industry.
But now he walks and he's tanned
and lean.
A captain of infantry.
Philadelphia Evening Ledger.
Dippy wIllie.
They say the Kaiser's crazy, cause
he does such wicked things. And
most of us believe II, cause we never
did like kings. But there's another
reason. tits so very plain to see. He
wants to run the whole big earth like
he does Germanee. He forgot that
We were looking, when he made his
big war plans, those Yankees were
asleep. he thought Just like lot of
hams. We woke up sooner than he
thought and then we called him down,
and raised great big army for to
send to Berlin town. Already he Is
on the run, his breath Is getting short;
his folks are squealing loud for food,
but he says. Hold the fort" They've
heard that for three summers, now.
and frightened up the belt, and waited
for the submarine to do its work by
stealth. The war was to be over
within three months from the start.
and yet it's still a-running and it's
eating at their heart. The Kaiser's :
losing ground SO fast. he's losing
guns. and men, twill not be long TIL
he loses his head, and the world VIII
be safe again.
A Gentle Indiana Reminder.
II you have had your dress suit at
a tailor's within the last six months
would you please examine it real
closely to make sure you have the
right one and oblige. Address Dress
Suit" care News-Tjmes-Ad. in Cos
hen News-Times.