The mirror. (Stillwater, Minn.) 1894-1925, 1917-02-01
6 | E A n | n G s
From Our EXCHANGES

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"A Western senator has brother in
the livestock business. The brother sent
letter to him that was entirely typewriter,
even to the signature. The statesman
thought il an outrage and he sent protest
This was the reply he received: Dear Jim,
Cheer up. l am so busy that never use
pen except for Sheep
eff by any chance have to stay late
at the Office, I'll send you a note, dearie,
he thoughtfully said as he left in the morn
ing.
Don't worry, DEAR she replied; "T've
already found it in your coat pocket
els your motor self-starter?''
"No," replied Mr.. Chuggins, 81 have
to crank it up. But it's self-stopper, all
right
"A San Francisco man tells of flower,
growing abundantly near Santa Barbara,
which is peculiarly attractive to bees.
"Now,' says he, ''there was young
Californian, particularly fond of honey,
who used to visit Santa Barbara hostelry
because such superior sort of this nectar
was TO be had there.
"This young man married in due course,
and the wedding trip included Santa Bar
bara, SO that the bride might taste this SUI
perb honey. But to his dismay no honey
appeared on the breakfast table the first
morning of their stay The groom trown-
ed. He called the old familiar waiter over
| TO him.
Where's my honey?' he demanded.
1.-THE waiter hesitated, looked awkwardly
at the bride, and then bent toward the
young mans ear and in hoarse whisper
stammered, why, Marie don't work here
any more, sir.
Every time see grandfather's sword,
[ want to 60 to war.
"Well?'
'sBut every time notice grandfather
wooden leg, cool down.
DEAREST" said the young husband,
"can't get you beautiful diamond ring
for Christmas?''
''Oh, darling" whispered the far-seeing
young thing, 81 will take the ring now and
let Christmas bring its happy surprises just
as usual"
Mrs. Brindle: Now, Mary, want you
to be careful. This is some very old table
linen-been in the family for over two
hundred years, and
Mary: All, sure, you needn't worry;
won't tell soul, and it looks as good as
new anyway.
"A juror was about to be sworn in, when
the Judge bethought himself to say:
81 trust, sir, that you fully understand
the duties and responsibilities of JUROR
Whereupon the man drew himself up and
answered:
''Your Honor, am plain man and be-
lieve in being fair to all. don't 60 by
what the lawyers say, and don't 60 by
what the Judge says, but look carefully at
the defendant in the dock and say to my
self: That fellow must have done some
thing or he wouldn't be here So bring
'em all in guilty.
His face was pinched and drawn. With
faltering footsteps he wended his way
among the busting Christmas crowd.
''Kind SIR he suddenly exclaimed,
''will you give me a loaf of bread for my
wife and little ones?"
The stranger regarded him not unkindly.
Ear be it from me, he rejoined, Ito take
advantage of your restitution. Keep your
wife and little ones; do not want them.
-"Pa, you'd better hurry on home.''
s'What's the matterl''
''Some of mas relatives are at the house
and they re giving you and me the worst of
it again.
-"What is your manner" the Judge asked
the prisoner.
"Casey, Your Honor
ssYour full manner" the Judge persisted.
ssJust the same. Your Honor, full or So
ber."