The Tomahawk. [volume] (White Earth, Becker County, Minn.) 1903-192?, 1917-01-11

said Saunders severely.
eyes, sir" T said humbly.
tsYou don't need any more?" he
asked anxiously.
"No," said, almost frantically. II
can take hint"
because we've laid in whole bar
REL" said Saunders, "just for your use.
Now, has anyone else any complaint
against Simmons?"
Ellis head is swelled," said Hog
boom.
ooh, awfully," said Allie Bangs, who
was freshman himself, but had con-
valesced early.
"He's afraid to go through anything
but double door,
"He talks about us representative
men,"
"He wonders if we appreciate his
| coming here to school,"
Gle patronizes the professors"
One by one they diagnosed my feel
| ings so accurately that I shuddered.
Never had I heard what thought put
into words in that monograph fashion.
| When the indictment was finished l
| wanted to take the first kick at my
| self.
care we agreed that Simmons head
is too large?" asked Saunders finally.
| eve are" was the chorus.
| "Then soak it," said Saunders. A
large pail, the kind they used in sta
bles, was brought in filled with water.
I was appended and, lowered head first
into this about a dozen times. Then,
while I sat and coughed and wheezed
and spattered water from my aching
lungs and nose, Saunders addressed
me severely.
"Simmons," he said, "you are re-
garded as one of the college marvels.
Your head is so large that the faculty
doesn't know whether you are hu-
man being or satellite on legs. You
have got to reduce it about three thou
sand sizes, and we are going to help
you all we can. We won't charge you
anything for our services, either. Now,
what other complaints are there
against SimmOns?"
Gle dresses too loud" said half a
dozen men at once.
| "You can't hear the college bell for
him." said Hogboom.
'The clothiers buy horrible things
and bet on him whether he'll buy them
or not" said Wilbur.
| Gle buys shouting socks and rolls
his trousers up to show them," said
my old friend Bailey.
every WE'LL" said Saunders, ''what
shall we do for it,"
BARREL, BARREL" came the answer.
"Simmons, the frat thinks you'll
look better in BARREL" said Saunders.
''Just step into the other room, take
off those remarks and get into the bar
rel you'll find there"
I felt my way out of the room with
cries of Hurry up!' and "Lively,
you!" chasing me. I stripped to my
underclothes and got into the barrel.
"Come out" called Saunders. I
grabbed the barrel by the edge and
came shivering into the room. AZ I
stood there with perspiratiop stains
and salt on my face, bare arms hold
ing up my costume with deathlike
grip, and half yard Of bare legs pro-
truding from the lower end Of the bar
rel, I awakened more enthusiasm than
I had ever dreamed Of creating, even
in my most ambitious flights Of imag-
ination. Shrieks, yells and cheers,
gasps, bowls and Mysteries came from
my loving brethren. AS they quoted
down they began to comment on my
appearance.
"Is that the way god looks in his
underwear"
| 81 thought he was mostly clothes"
| Gle looks lot better, though, with
out that vest.'
| III doesn't strut as much in that
barrel"
! "He ought to wear it all the time.
He wouldn't be able to pound his ac-
! quaintances on the back"
! "Nor smoke cigarettes on the
campus"
ellis young lady friends ought to see
him in this rig. It might save lot Of
broken hearts"
"All right, touch off the f1ashlight."
| "Bang"
Then they let me 60 up to my room
and put on some old clothes. I want
ed to stay there and inhale illuminat-
ing gas, but when Hogboom called to
me I got out of that room in two
jumps. Somehow couldn't bear to
think of disappointing that crowd in
anything they might want.
| When I returned there was large
blackboard in one end Of the room.
| Saunders was standing before it.
| ''Brothers." said he, shave you any
other fault to find with this fresh
man?"
"He borrows Clothes" said Win
throp.
'You bet he does" snorted Bailey,
who roomed with me. 81 can't keep a
tie to myself ten minutes"
"That's a bad fault" said Saunders.
eft ought to be worth FIVE"
"No. ten," shouted Bailey.
L