davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Sauk Centre herald. (Sauk Centre, Stearns County, Minn.) 1886-current, 1917-05-24
CUSTARD PIE COMEDY.
Its Vogue In the Movies Due to Our
Primitive Sense of Humor.

Its Vogue In the Movies Due to Our
Primitive Sense of Humor.
After the comic pursuit" picture
movie directors were at their wits end
until the most famous impresario of
knockabout fun invented the motif of
the custard pie. A custard pie bonn
bardment has two very strong elements
Of humOr concealed in its action. One
Is surprise, and the other is messiness
There are lots of nice people who think
1t Is vulgar and outrageous to laugh at
such elemental humor. yet there is
something fundamentally funny in see-
ing body's face projected through the
soft goo Of custard pie.
If you do not believe this try it some
day on your neighbOr when he pushes
his head over the fence to say good
morning or to borrow the lawn mower.
Hit him full on, butter side out, with
custard pie and see whether the re-
suit is not funny or tragic. A hair Of
ten divides the two. If you make this
experiment you will learn that only a
complete bullseye is funny. If the pie
ly break. the joke is held in suspense
and spoiled, but if you moon him.
assure you the neighbors for miles
round will all laugh. My. the number
of custard pies that we have wasted
while one Of the comedians perfected
his technic and aim! A good custard
pie thrower is invaluable in the comics.
1t Is queer that the pie must be custard.
This same director also invented the
comedy police, who have had more
trouble with the real police than any
actors on the screen. The humor of
the wild exploits of these volatile off.
GERS of the law is based upon two
motifs. One is the collapse of dignity.
and the other is a kid desire in the
hearts of nearly all of us to see author
ity get it in the neck.-Rob Wagner in
Saturday Evening Post.
The Sauk Centre herald. (Sauk Centre, Stearns County, Minn.) 1886-current, 1917-05-24
Tho Hague Tribunal,

The nations represented in the per-
manent court of arbitration at The
Hague are Argentina, Austria Hun
gary, Belgium, Bolivia, Brazil, Bull
garia, Chile. China. Cuba, Denmark.
Colombia, Dominican Republic, Ecua-
dor, France. Germany, Great Britain.
Greece, Guatemala. Haiti, Italy, Japan.
Luxembourg, Mexico. Montenegro, the
Netherlands, Nicaragua, Norway. Pan
anna, Peru, Portugal, Roumania, Rus.
STA, Salvador, Servia. Siam, Spain.
Sweden. Switzerland, Turkey. the Unit
ed States, Uruguay and Venezuela,
The Sauk Centre herald. (Sauk Centre, Stearns County, Minn.) 1886-current, 1917-05-24
WastefuI Americans,

'Of all the lands that have visited
says Sir Rabindranath Tagore. the poet
and philosopher of India, the United
States is the only one where person
eats the inside of slice Of bread and
throws away the crust
1t is keen and penetrating remark
which calls attention to a habit that
undoubtedly Injuries the health of the
American people more than they know
and that is wasteful to the last de-
gree.-Youth's Companion.
The Sauk Centre herald. (Sauk Centre, Stearns County, Minn.) 1886-current, 1917-05-24
ART OF A WOMAN.
Really Mors Subtle Than the Art Of q
Mere Artist

Technic Is the very life and soul of
engraving. To the engraver nothing
is truer than Francois Millet's saying
that Fart is calculation"
Take the calculation involved in the
art Of making lady's dress. thing
of beauty. though but feeting joy.
as all joys are. The value Of con-
trasted textures is here well displayed
The modiste has host of materials
from which to choose; but, knowing the
value of restraint, she is wisely spar
ing and judicious in their use.
Say it Is creamy white robe. The
mellow glow Of satin or silk upon a
setting of soft merino or serge en-
hances by their opposition the quail
The Sauk Centre herald. (Sauk Centre, Stearns County, Minn.) 1886-current, 1917-05-24
Where They Parted,

Meyerbeer and Rossini. in spite Of
all their rivaIries. were the warmest of
friends.
ROssini once said, "Meyerbeer and
can never agree" When some one in
surprise asked why he replied. Meyer.
does macarOni."
The Sauk Centre herald. (Sauk Centre, Stearns County, Minn.) 1886-current, 1917-05-24
If We Iron
The Flat Work

You'll find there will be but few
pieces left in your family washing to
be irOned.
We iron all the bed and table linen,
towels, handkerchiefs, rags, spreads,
etc. This finishes all the heavy plain
pieces, which makes up practically 60
per cent of the washing and requires
at least Is per cent of the time re-
quired to do your ironing.
Our service costs you little, saves
you lot of work and pleases you by
the excellent manner in which it is
done.
The Sauk Centre herald. (Sauk Centre, Stearns County, Minn.) 1886-current, 1917-05-24
EXAMINATIONS BEGIN FRIDAY
State High School Board Examina-
tons at Public Schools Set for
May Twenty-FOurth.

The State High School Board ex-
aminations will commence this week
Friday at the public schools. This
marks the beginning of the end of the
school year. These examinations are
given by the state, not only to test the
pupils educational worth but to keep
all the schools in uniformity. With
out the guiding of the Board of Ex-
aminers by means of their semi-yearly
examinations, the conditions of the
schools of the state would be of a hit
and miss order.
The Sauk Centre herald. (Sauk Centre, Stearns County, Minn.) 1886-current, 1917-05-24
How II Happened.

Strange. one of your twins is blond
and the other brunette"
washed one child. and my husband
washed the other. and the one he
washed grew up dark" - Louisville
Courier Journal.
The Sauk Centre herald. (Sauk Centre, Stearns County, Minn.) 1886-current, 1917-05-24
Less Stammerinq.

II understand Blank doesn't STAN
mer so much since he got married"
"Of course not He gets fewer
chances to talk than he used to-
Boston Transcript.
UomesrIc cares.
"a man should take an interest IN
his home"
"Yes," replied Mr.. Meekton, 'but he
shouldn't devote too much of his life
to being keeper of the canary bird and
custodian of the rubber tree. Wash
ington Star.
The Sauk Centre herald. (Sauk Centre, Stearns County, Minn.) 1886-current, 1917-05-24
Lady Oak

The University Farm, st. Paul, has
Holstein Cow in the herd nameo
Lady Oak. This COW produced in one
year 993 pounds of butter fat, 631
pounds of protein Gin skim milk ano
1852 pounds of carbohydrates. This
product is equal to 266 calves weigh
ing 125 pounds each, or % yearlings
weighing 500 pounds each, or five
steers weighing LOO pounds each. One
days production of milk was equal IT.
food value to the total nutritive value
IN the carcass of lis pound calf.
Lady Oak, of course, is above the av-
erage COW. Her record shows the won
derful possibilities of development in
the COW as producer of human food
The average farm COW gives about
1000 pounds of milk a year-about
16O pounds of butter fat. This is not
profitable cow. We should not be
satisfied with COW that gives less
than 5000 pounds of milk-about zoe
to 24O pounds of butter fat.
Raising Calves
The agricultural department has a
number of copies of very practical
little pamphlet on Raising Calves
A brief summary of some of the
points discussed are here mentioned:
Calves raised on separator skim
milk with proper grain ration thrive
best and make the most rapid gain.
Whole milk is very often too rich
food for proper digestion by the
calf.
1t is best to feed the calf whole milk
the first week or two, as the first
milk acts as a laxative and has slim
ulating effect on the calf's digestive
organs.
Whole milk from the Jersey OF
Guernsey, if very rich, should be di-
luted. About 10 pounds should be fed
daily, in three feeds: Four pounds in
the morning; two at noon and four
again at night. Calves from other
breeds, being of larger size, should be
fed a little more milk, which, on ac-
count of being less rich in cream, will
seldonm need to be diluted.
After ten days or two weeks, sub
stitute skim milk and grain ration. A
good daily ration for the average cali
is about eight quarts of skim milkcou
three pounds Of hay, IS or 10 ounces
of linseed meal, or "a ounces GROUND
oats or FL ounces of corn meal, anc
about an ounce and a half Of flax
seed. The grain ration is to take the
place of butter fat in the whole mill
and, of course, shows a great saving
over the cost of butter fat.
Milk should always be fed to the
calf warm, at a temperature of 80 t.
100 degrees, and should be clean ant
sweet. Most calf troubles are caused
by the unsanitary condition of the
pals in which they are fed. Calves
should never be fed nj trough.
When serious securing takes place
in young calves, the trouble may US
ually be checked by adding one tea
spoonful of dried blood to the milk
ration. Sometimes the addition OF
common wheat flour to the milk is eff
fective.
Calves should have access to gooo
drinking water, should be provided
The Sauk Centre herald. (Sauk Centre, Stearns County, Minn.) 1886-current, 1917-05-24
UomesrIc GareS.


people should marry their oppo-
SITES"
'Most people are convinced that they
did."-St. Louis Post-Dispatch.
The Sauk Centre herald. (Sauk Centre, Stearns County, Minn.) 1886-current, 1917-05-24
He Had None.

He-If you refuse me l Will blow
out my brains. She-You datter your
self!-Puck.
The Sauk Centre herald. (Sauk Centre, Stearns County, Minn.) 1886-current, 1917-05-24

Wisdom provides things necessary,
not superfuous.
The Sauk Centre herald. (Sauk Centre, Stearns County, Minn.) 1886-current, 1917-05-24


In view of the present food crisis,
there is a great demand for skilled
agriculturists. The study of horticul-
ture is a strong incentive toward
causing interest along this line, and
through it's influence a student is
brought to the realization of the ne
cessity for competency in this field.
This particular branch of soil Gull
tivation for food, includes vegetable
gardening and soils. The vegetable
gardening deals with the laying out,
care and management of garden
from a financial standpoint, while
soils involve more technical study
of the relation between soils and
plants.
To be more definite, the study of
vegetable gardening convinces that
we can make the conditions, to a great
extent, favorable for plant growth
rather than be handicapped by plant
ing only that which conditions favor.
For instance, by studying the charac-
ter of both soil and plant and discover
ing where the difficulty lies, it is Of
ten possible to modify one or both and
with successful results.
Evening times-Republican. [volume] (Marshalltown, Iowa) 1890-1923, 1917-04-21
THE EMERGENCY BRAKE.

\ travelling man at Des Moines yes
terday was arrested and taken before
the secret service officers. He had been
reported as mounting Grass criticism
of the president and the country in
connection with the war in public
places. The man was scared as he
had full occasion and excuse to be.
His explanation and pleadinSs brought
him a limited liberty. He cant go
away. He must report daily to the Of
fcers. He must prove his repentance
before he VIII be granted freedom to
continue his travels. And he no doubt,
is sorry that he spoke.
Best he sorry first and safe after
wardss. The mouthy man is skating
on thin ice and around the airholes of
serious consequences when he turns
his lip loose in public places against
the government There IS 4 very mar
row Tom Thinkers ground wherein
such fellows may play The first thing
they know they are on the crumbling
edge of treason. And when the bank
caves nobody holds out hand. They
let him slide.
The case is cited merely TO show that
the mouthy man who Is unwilling 10
fall In with the ranks arrayed behind
the declaration Of the United States
will be able TO stay ont of Jail longer
# he uses his emergency brake.
Evening times-Republican. [volume] (Marshalltown, Iowa) 1890-1923, 1917-04-21
THE SERIOUSNESS OF IT.

The picture spectacle OF Babylon
feasting while the Persians filed thru
The gates of the city has its peculiar
application TO the present food short
age. All the illustrations of history
where negligence and waste brought
are equally applicable.
DO you realize that the war COM
mittee considers famine in the United
STATES a grave possibility?
This Is the statement prepared with
deliberate consideration by Dean Cur
tbs. Of the Iowa State College:
Shortage of food is one Of the seri
GUS phases Of the world wide war. The
1917 was 101, $500 bushels as against
244.44S, 900 bushels the year previous.
On March /, 1917, there was in the
country mills and elevators in the
United States. 100000 bushels Of
wheat as against l55 100000 bushels
March !, 1915.
"On March ], 1917, the corn reserve
held on the farms Of the United States
was 7s9, 416,00 bushels as against l.
1869 900 bushels year previous.
THE average condition Of wheat
thruout the United States April l, ac-
cording to the latest government re-
port was 63,4 per cent as compared
TO 1913 per cent a year ago, and 1872
per cent foT the ten year average.
THE United States in 1915 produced
ten bushels of wheat per capita. In
1916 it produced six bushels per capita
and consumed Id bushels.
"A serious crop failure, owing to pro-
longed drouth in the Argentine. has
left that country with but little, il any
surplus, and an embargo has already
been put upon some products.
"'rhe United States potato crop in
1915 was 100000 bushels less than
in 1915. and 114,000, 900 bushels less
than in 1914. The early potato cror
in Florida and Texas has been injured
by severe frosts, which will curtail pro
duction from that locality.
1.-The production Of wool. in thu
United States was approximately 2s5,
600 900 pounds The annual consump-
ton of wool in the United States II
approximately 600 900. 900 pounds"
These facts according to the wal
emergency food committee mean moth
ing less than this: The prevalence O
! . famine is grave possibility for thu
Fl z y - 3 IT.
Evening times-Republican. [volume] (Marshalltown, Iowa) 1890-1923, 1917-04-21

country II this years crop production
as a whole falls much, or even any be-
low normal,
Get the seriousness OF the situation
in mind.
Farmers must raise more and we who
do not farm must exercise wisdom and
restraint. We must use less and raise
all We can in gardens of our own. We
must begin now. There is more pa
triotism in steadfast economy of food
than in loud asseveration of willing
ness TO die for the flag
To mention famine In the same
breath with America may appear ride
ulous to the uniformed; but it is plain
warning when it comes seriously from
the dean OF Iowa's great agricultural
college.
Get the deep seriousness of it. Be-
gin now.
Evening times-Republican. [volume] (Marshalltown, Iowa) 1890-1923, 1917-04-21
MORE NONSENSE,
TDa yapport TifneS

1t is said at Washington that in
naval circles regret is expressed that
the report that a German submarine
fired a torpedo at an American de-
stroyer was made public.
The reason is that now the German
submarine officer knows that all the
American navy IS on the lookout for
the submarine. Had the news not
been published, runs the argument,
the German submarine might have
been less cautious and the navy, ever
get" il.
That sort OF argument assumes the
submarine commander hasn't brains
enough 10 realize he Is in any danger
unless the people of the United States
are told about his presence Oft shore.
1t assumes the submarine commander
in his biissful ignorance would be less
watchful in regard to his own safety.
II assumes that he would not expect
the navy TO get after him. II seems
to imply that the navy would pay no
attention to the shot that missed il
there had been no publicity concerning
the affair.
On the other hand, the publicity
given TO that incident. even If the look
out on the destroyer SAW only the
swish or Il fish tail instead OF a tor
pedo. has done more TO add recruits
to the army and navy than all the
work that has been done turnout the
country in any one day heretofore.
Evening times-Republican. [volume] (Marshalltown, Iowa) 1890-1923, 1917-04-21
IHE WORK OF THE CHILDREN.

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>, .,.,,- a ao<.,; .b;r
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,-.,, x..;
u 10 soo,
- r,
: ; s,o.or,o a thin,
Evening times-Republican. [volume] (Marshalltown, Iowa) 1890-1923, 1917-04-21
Billy Bunny and His Friends

for he had run all the errands and pol
ished the front doorknob without
grumble, like good bunny boy.
But, oh dear me! Isn't 1t terrible.
always to have something disagreeable
happen to these two nice rabbits? They
had only gone q little ways, Just 20 TAR.
when the rubber tire on the lett hind
wheel burst and blew the bandage
right off Of dear kind Uncle Lucky's
|sprained ankle!
what shall l do?" he cried ~ the
bandage flew UP in the air. That was
such a nice bandage. and IT had red
cross on It, too, and 1t made me feel
just like u wounded soiGirr again 1919
Don't worry" cried blue Darning
Needle. I'll get it for YOU" And
would you believe it,. she did. And in
a few minutes she sewed It on 20 nice
|ly that IL all four rubber tires had burst
at the same time don't believe 1t
would have come off again. But I'm
glad they didn't, just the same. Tor they
might have blown Billy Bunny's gold
watch out OF his pocket, and that would
have been dreadful misfortune.
But when they went to blow the au.
t)mobile horn 1t wouldn't make sound.
1t had burst. too. Oh. dear me. and
oh, dear you! SO they asked Uncle
Bullfrog to get in and he went. Honk!
Honk!" just like that. so they didn't
miss the horn at all. And IL they don't
squeeze Uncle Bullfrog too hard so that
he says something else, wont tell yeN
what, you shall hear In the next story
how the automobile ran away With
Ifrc1a lucky and little HilIv Bunny IL
ray nothing Of Uncle Bnllfseg
Evening times-Republican. [volume] (Marshalltown, Iowa) 1890-1923, 1917-04-21
THE DEPARTED STATE, ASSEMBLY
INaterlum Timer Tribune.

Waterloo Times Tribune
Ai;stv few may req !i2@ K, ;Hc:e are
some things 10 commend the legIsla :
ture for Mainly. we can commend the
departed for what II did not do rather
than :or what ii did 1t might have
been worse.
The chief service to the state was the
smashing of the Salinger- Harding ma
chine. the driving Of the Pitt Johnston
outti, into ohliyion--aud if the session
had lasted week longer it would have.
from the way ii was going. given cause
for even more humiliation 20 the ma
chine members. During the last few
DAYS ii recalled some legislation that
II was thought would have benefited
the machine and given a little While
longer it would have rescinded action
on the new bank department law that
placed George Messenger az a state
officer.
The most important work of the as
sernhly was not in constructive leSls-
latlon but in the saving OF the gooo
LEGISLATION on the statute books. Whine
we may deplore the act that wiped the
non partisan judiciary law from tie
assembly on saving the present road
law. on the retention of the road com
mission. on the acceptance of the fed
erai road aid, on the refusal 10 dis
allow issuance of road bonds for I'M :
proyement. on the adoption or the ROAD
patrol law We did not get progress
sive road legislation. such as we should
have to De sure. but il was something.
in fact a great deal. TO preserve whae
we had At least Iowa was saved from
the disgrace of going back to the oiu
road law conditions. Thus we are as
sured that there will he in the future
no reaction but progress in road Duild-
irr as Il MAY be said this defeat Of,
the reactionaries just about settles the
matter
But the governor came out pretty
well at the night session Saturday just
before adjournment, when the SENATE
was caught off its guard and Foteu
MIN $4,000 to check over the railroad
valuation made by the federal govern
ment The senate was on record ioi
giving the railroad commissioners S2e,-
900 for this work feeling they couia
make it go much farther than coulo
the governor, who was expected 10 pay
some of his political debts by haVlns
his friends do the work. But IN the
hurry to get away the senate adopted
the house resolution and the governor
won-altho he worked personally on
the floor to get the appropriation thru.
So much has he won for his machlne'
but that is about all.
Incidentally this session was tho
greatest for factional fights for many
many years 1t is we'll that the gov
ernor failed in his efforts to have a
winter session next year. and tnat we
will not hear from this legislature
again.
Evening times-Republican. [volume] (Marshalltown, Iowa) 1890-1923, 1917-04-21
TIE 'MXvFLowER.

Two hundred and ninety-seven years
ago the good ship Mayflower landed
its precious cargo OF Puritan fathers
and mothers on Plymouth Rock and
also discharged q large quantity OF
iron bound. rock ballasted conscience
which was not allowed to play outside
the yard at home.
1t has always been a mystery why
the Maytiower landed at Plymouth, in
stead OF picking out some place where
there was a good hotel with modern
conveniences, like Palm Beach or San
Diego. 1t must have been a cherries
sight which greeted the eyes OF the
Pilgrim Father as he left the May
flower and saw nothing spread out be-
fore him but a large, three-cornered
rock totally lacking in vegetation of
any kind except the simple, untutored
red man and his feet II was an unin-
wiling spot Good table board was
scarce, the steam laundry had not
shown up and the first open saloon had
vet to protrude its shy head into the
landscape
would dismay the stoutest heart IN
these days, the colonists who came
over on the Mayfiower did not falter.
After sitting around on Plymouth
Rock for few days, in order to re-
move the seasickness from their legs,
they went briskly to work and built
meeting house, where they could as
semble on Sunday and listen to $4,000
feet OF sermon Earnest efforts were
made to convert the red man and In
duce him to wear something oeS'des d
scalp lock, but not much progress was
made in this direction, owing to the
Evening times-Republican. [volume] (Marshalltown, Iowa) 1890-1923, 1917-04-21

ing classes whose rate of daily pay is
more than that, the number OF those
who earn considerably less, taking the
whole year thru. Is probably much
greater. What part OF them are at the
head Of such social unit as forms the
basis of the bureaus calculation would
have to be known In order to decide
the extent Ia which earnings are less
than required for meeting the de-
mands of decency." Usually, in discus
SONS of wages, the permissible mini
mum Is taken to be that which Will
enable the worker who exercises Al
reasonable economy, steadily. even tho
slowly 10 improve the condition OF
himself and his family. Anything less
than that, 1t is assumed, will inevita-
bly, lead TO degeneration and social in
jury.
For what now costs the typical fam
Fly $3.50. only SS45. it seems, had to be
paid two years ago, aitho rent in the
tenements has appreciably decreased
of late. owing to the decrease OF I'M
migration and the increase Of emigra-
ton since the war. Food that could
Evening times-Republican. [volume] (Marshalltown, Iowa) 1890-1923, 1917-04-21

have been obtained in adequate
amount for 81 week is now said to
cost $7.77. an advance that will seem
surprisingly small to most people. for
most people have a strong impression
that their food bills have advanced 30,
II not 50. per cent.
How q family Of five can live on
$3.50 a year in any semblance OF conn
fort and decency Is dark mystery to
those who. with incomes anywhere,
from several to many times as great,
still find themselves either forced into
economies they consider painful or
else are obliged to piece out current
receipts from past savings-an expedi-
ent also painful to anybody who keeps
a careful eye on the future. These are
the folk who like to call their earnings
salaries instead Of wages, but that dis
tinction 10 no longer IS consolat0ry as
1t used to be. for II salaries do not 90
down In times Of stress quite as easily
as wages. they are also less likely 70
rise when prices advance in what
seems now to be their fixed habit
New YORK Times.