The gazette-times. [volume] (Heppner, Or.) 1912-1925, 1917-02-22
Stuck.

He-I can marry any woman !
please.
She-Bu can you please any?--,
Baltimore American.
Weight.
An officer lately returned from Alex
endra carried home a story OF the
British soldiers humor. A curio-col-
lecting captain had prevailed upon
two privates to move his effects. They
managed all save weighty case.
which defied their united efforts.
As they paused to wipe the sweat
from their brows one asked: What
the deuce is in it, Bill?" ''T' Pyra-
mids," answered Bill, promptly.
Mr.. Flubdub-That girl thinks no
man is good enough for her.
Mrs. Flubdub-She may be right
at that
MIR. Flubdub--Yes but she is more
apt to be left.-Detroit Free Press.
"If a man has the price he can
get ANYTHING he wants and the way
he wants it."
Don't know about that. There's
the medium soft boiled egg.
Browning's Magazine.
Mother-Johnny stop using such
dreadful language.
Johnny-Well, mother, Shakes
peare uses it.
| Mother--Then don't play with him.
He's no fit companion for you.--Lon-
don Tit-Bits.
A girl was required to write a
Ibrief sketch on Queen Elizabeth. Her
paper contained the sentence.
elizabeth was SO dishonest that
she stole the soldiers food
The teacher was puzzled and call
ed the girl. -,
.sWhere did you get that notion?'
| "Why, that's what it says in the
history.
| The book was sent for, and the
massage was found. 1t read:
elizabeth was so parsimonlous
that she even pinched her soldier
rations."
Dick and Johnny were spending
few days with their grandmother wht
spoils them, as grandmothers Will
One night they were saying theil
prayers, and little Johnny vociferat
ed his petitions to the heavenly
throne in a voice that could be heare
a mile. He was telling what N
wanted for Christmas, and his en-
lthnsiasm in the cause got on his bro
ther's nerves.
"What are you praying for Christ
mas presents so loud for?'' interrupt
cd Dick. 1.-The Lord amt dear. Z
"No,' whispered Johnny, ou
grandma is"
Harold was passing through pc
riod Of soldier worship; anyone witt
, euan,ets was to him all-wise ant
wholly perfect.
He went one day with his mothe
to call on an elderly widow who's
husband had been a general IN Tn
civil war. During the course OF IN
conversation the two ladies becam
q involved in very mild disagreement
as to some trifling detail. Harol
endured it for moment, then he or
1 served, chidingly:
"Mother. don't you think genel
ars wife ought to know"
Il The bishop took q personal lnteres
Z in all his servants and, happenin
tn mass the new maid, he stopped t
0 sneak to her. "Well, child" he sale
"and where are you?" "lf you pleas
4 me lord, the maid replied, with
curtesy, "between the cook and tn
housemaid." Heaven help you!
i said the bishop, after moments n
Election and went on his way.
. Two recently converted neophytt
to the gentle art of angling, on tn
way to the stream where they propo
ed try their luck, paused in astoi
i ishment at the sight of small u
chin staggering under the burden
a. huge fish, almost as large as hin
. self. Approaching him, the sto'
q member said: "Good gracious, DO,
That's a good catch!" The younl
v Ister slowly sized him up from his col
spicuously new shoes to the late
I style Of "Alpine" hat which adorne
. his head, spat disgustedly and sale
l"Aw, this amt the catch. this