Arizona republican., 1917-12-05
THE ADVENTURES OF MIR.
 SQUANCY
Mister editer.

Mister editer,
 Nam an the kids cum home jist ez wuZ relatin how the second mad otty- mobile man cum runnin up behine me an the teme an tellin me idle better git bizzy an pull him outn rhe mud CT heed play hob with me. i thot the ezziest way out an the kwickest wuz to turn roun an hook on an did. The feller wuz prancin roun swaerin an cussin suthin feerce an m pullin him outn the mud hole didn't seem to kwiet him enny fer he ups an sez sez he Gimme a drink. Thet kinder surprized me but i give him straw an bottle uv port olive and tole him now to use hit Wen he got the likker under his | belt he got in better umer an he wint away wipin his mouth with the bak uv | his han.
 Vel yu wudnt beleeve hit but hednt bin bak to the house 20 nlinits afore | heer cum aother tellew swearin an cussin like a disappinted polytishun. l He wuz threatenin an chaWin the rag suthin feerce. So I got the teem out an pulled him out. He wuz goin in the same deerecshun the furst feller wuz goin. I didn't think he wuz stuck but he sed he new ef he wuZ CT not an i didn't hev enny thing ter say about it. Vel I got him out wen he up an axes me fur a drink. sez | seZ Wher in tarnashun did yu heer l he'd likker to drink? he sez sez he Git biZZy an don't aX fule kwaschuns. got him a bottle an then chased bak to the house fast ez i cud hiched the hosses an then cnm up into the attick uv the house an hid thar. No one he'd seen me git up thar so i wuz safe. 1 cud see the rode frlIm the lat fr, !, Nam an tn kids cum soon alter thet an wuz callin me but l didn't anser uv korse. They got settled doun purity soon an about thet time here cum a other feller chargin like a vile bull up from the rode. He hammered on the front dore with a munky rench an hol- lered out fer the ole sassage who wuz running the errigatin water over the rode. He sed he wLz goin to make the ole cla. eater eat thet mud. i wuz glad i wuZ hid fer he looked to be the wust one uv the bench. Mann wint to the dore an tole the irate ottymobilist thet wuz gone eum whar an she didn't no whar. Vel he kinder kooled off et thet an seed him smile an he left. watched him an tho his masheen wu2 in the mud didn't think hit wuz stuk Walsir i cudnt git my eyes to beleeve hit but eff thet durned galoot didn't clim over the fence an dig out my case uv likker frum it's hidin place i'm 8 gote. I saw him put hit on his sholdel an take hit an put hit in his masheeT an drive rite off. Walsir i wuz SC alfred mad stepped bak right kwicl to go down an i missed the bord the wuz Jade along over the 2 by As ar wint rite thru the plasterin nv the par Tor an wint kerflumrlIx rite on the rec lamp on the parlor tabel Nam an tht kids heerd the smash an cum runnir in. Thar wuZ jist sittin up outn z bunch uy rubbish. glas, plaster an colt ile. i see Nam gittin red in the fac, an jist beat it fer the barn. l know wen to vakate.
 l hev bin Twin in the barn fer three days drinking jersey milk an eatin rav bran Sum say thet oran is good fe invelids. Hit may be but i'm going tt be invalid purity soon eatin hit e Nam don't git kooled off. I'm ritin thi on a ole tablet thet one uv the hired men who used to be heer he'd hid be hine 2 by 1. Nam saint bothered mt none an i gess shes glad enuf fer m, to be afay. Ges she will be kooled Ge in a day CT 2.
 yoores trooly,
 SIMON B. SQUANCY Gin egxile).
 Do not wait till tomorr,ow-phon, that WANT AID vo The RenIlhlicar