The Big Sandy news. [volume] (Louisa, Ky.) 1885-1929, 1917-06-29
An Ineffective
Revenge
By ALAN HINsDALB

i lucuCc VI Mto. van AIbudlel uuu u uluu,
taking photograph from 1t, carried It
to the front door. Miss Birdie Van
Arsdale was sitting on the porch at the
time and asked him what she could do
for him. Presenting the pbonograph,
he said:
Il am introducing the burglar alarm
phonogrnph- 1t Is especially designed
for unprotected families and renders
other defenses unnecessary. 1t Is con-
nected electrically with such openings
In the house as would be considered
available by a burglar, wound ready
! for use, and on his breaking the con-
| nection the clockwork Is set going.
The machine then addresses the bur
glar, who, finding bis presence In the
house to be known, beats a precipitate
retreat"
The prelude to such encomiums as a
drummer knows how TO pour out upon
what he has for sale caused the young
lady to call out:
"Motherl Come here"
Mother came. The salesman repeated
what he had already said and contin-
ued IKE a trotting horse on an endless
track:
IF the burglar is one Of the desper.
ate kind any member Of the family
who has been awakened BY the phono-
graphs first words may move slide
marked 'Shootr and the report Of
pistol will be heard This slide" point
ing to another, is to call the police"
Mother and daughter exchanged
glances. They were deprived Of mans
protection and never went to bed with
out poking canes and umbrellas under
their beds. Mr. Van Arsdale was
obliged to spend his summers IN the
city aud was rarely with them When
no came up he lay like a watchdog On
a wire Enclosed portion of the porch.
and bis wife and daughter slumbered
Mrs. Van Arsdale asked the price Of
one OF the Photographs, drew a,check
for the 500 asked, and after the new
owner had been duly instructed the
drummer departed.
II was Saturday evening. Mr.. Van
Arsdale had written that he would not
be able to spend the week end with his
family, and after the house was closed
for the night Mrs Van Arsdale and her
daughter placed the photograph at the
top Of the staircase Leading down to the
front door. The salesman had put in
all the connections, and there was moth
ing to be done except make the attach
menta These things having been at
tended to, the ladies went to bed, and
sleep and oblivion reigned over all
Mr.. Van Arsdale changed his mind
and went home.
/ It was just twenty minutes to u
when Mr.. Van Arsdale arrived at home
and stepped lightly on to his porch that
he might not awaken his wife and
daughter. His out Of door bedding not
being provided, he thought he wouh
go upstairs stealthfly and get n. In
sorting his night key. he opened the
door and as he stepped into the hall
felt his foot catch i1 some obstruction,
such as fine wire or Light string.
What was his astonishment 10 hsar q
sonorous voice burst forth:
"Ahal You thought to get In here
without our knowing 1t, did your Adj
vance at your peril I've got the drop
on you An inch further and you're Q
dead manr' --.-ssa-''s''-''
1t must be admitted that @ch q re
cepton on entering Ills own house had
a marked effect On MI, Van Arsdala
The only motion he made was throw
Ing up Of his hands. He could not see
the speaker, but he supposed the speak
er could see him. since he had declared
that he had the drop
At the first challenge Of the intruder
Mrs. Van Arsdale and Birdie both slid
out Of bed and made for the position
Of the photograph, reaching 1t just as
the talking machine pronounced the
words "a dead man."
rs he going outr whispered Mrs.
Van Arsdale. shivering
40" replied the daughter. II think
can hear him down there near the
door,"
Push the slide calling the police"
Birdie felt for the slide, but, not be-
ing able to see In the dark, struck the
wrong one. There was shot, follow
ed by the Words Well, then, take
THAR
Something was heard TO drop In the
hall below.
what have you doner" c-fcd the
mother frantically, II told you to
move the slide calling the police!
You've killed himr'
"Why, mother, it wasn't real shot.
1t couldn't hurt any one
The imagination powerfuEat least
Mr.. Van Arsdale found 1t so, for ON
hearing the shot he felt a shock; his
knees gave way and let him down.
When he heard his wife accusing his
daughter Of having killed him, not feel
ing at all dead, he called out in his
own true voice:
what In thunder is oil this aboutY'
why, it's papar' cried Birdie
"Oh, Henry, are you killed? mean
are you frightened to deathr
Il reckon that's about it-frightened
to death. Who's there to do the shoot
lng?"