The Washington herald., 1917-11-08

TWAS Ever Thus.
One day last week, Brice Cameron
was taken with an awful headache
on the street. He leaned up against
a friendly lampost and rubbed the
aching place.
A woman came by. She looked at
him. She heard him groan. She saw
him rub his head. And she pitied
him.
Let me get you some medicine"
she said. H yes" he replied.
Get me something. My head most
busted"
She did.
Brice took the stuff. He keeled
over. All became a blank. He woke
up a few hours later on a little iron
cot in a cell.
His pockets were as clean as a
hounds tooth. He got as mad as a
marsh hare. He vowed vengeance
on that woman thousand times.
The other day he got a warrant
for Sadie Nash. AS far as he knew
Sadie was the woman who had
tricked him and took his watch.
Bat Sadie had an abibi. She was
sick herself at the time. SO the only
thing to do was to let her go. Finis.
Whnddye Think o. That.
On a cold winter night a long time
ago Joe Hunter rushed around to this
house of Isaac Williams and poured
out a tale of woe.
He told Isaac that his wife was
sick, his oldest boy had run away.
someone had stolen his bottle of milk
off the porch that morning and the
cat was having a fit on the parlor
rug.
And so Isaac lent him 70 cents. ALI
he had in the house. 1t seems that
Joe belonged to the same lodge as
Isaac
Month after month Isaac reminded
Joe of the 10 cents. And Joe was
always going to pay 1t the next day.
Last week Isaac NEEDED that 70 cents
to help pay his income tax. He
pleaded with Joe TO pay it. Joe swore.
So did Isaac.
Then Joe went down on the ground
so hard he cracked a brick. Here was
4 perfectly innocent brick all busted
up.
court relieved Isaac of a SO bill.
Maybe He Was an 'Infant..
He was a great big husky soldier.
With a corn on each toe, he was limp
ing back to the barracks.
A woman, Ruth Mills. flirted with
him. He would not respond. Finally
she went to him.
Little soldier boy" she said. "what
makes you limp so, and why wouldn't
you look at me?"
"G'wan woman, I don't know you,"
he said, besides I am an infant and
l has to get to my barracks else they
puts me in the cooler
"Oh you mean you belong to the
infantry, don't you boy? l think you
are too big to be an infant" an
swered Ruth.
Just then a cop came by. (These
cops always butt in when you don't
want them)
"whaddye doin?" asked the cop
OF Ruth, trying to interfere with the
army, huh?''
You are a vAry impolite person"
answered Ruth Indignantly.
Take her away mister" said the
soldier. I'm dead scared o'women."
And for being a lady ''masher" an
noying a 2cO-pound six foot soldier
Ruthie is out SIS bill.
wnshout on the Line.
"Jedge All washes mahseff some
clothes. All hangs 'em out on de line
all nice en- clean. When All goes to
brung 'em in. dey was dirtier dan dey
wuZ at first
You must have thought you wash
ed your Clothes" suggested the court
to Annie Gray, charged with mauling
Jessie Cobb.
"Ah no Jedge," answered Annie.
dat woman dere throwed some dirty
water on 'em. She completely ruined
nah intimates."
well, why didn't you have her ar
rested instead of hitting her?" asked
the court.
"Jedge," replied Annie, mo court
a'gwine could have fixed her like All
fixed her TO dat trick
THE only thing I can do now," said
the court, since you are glad you did
this, is to fine you $50 and if you
haven't got It you can go down for
80 days.
Inc "SstcEIous bhttic boOh.
Herman johnson rides a bicycle. He
has an ingrown hatred for street cars.
And he's not overfond of policemen.
The other day a street car got in
his way. He. lodged the wrong way
around traffic semaphore.
A cop "balled him out" Herman
stuck his tongue out at him. Child
ish trick. The cop ordered him to
vamoose.
Herman rode over to the curb. got
little book out OF his pocket, looked
hurriedly through 1t. Then he put it
back in his pocket.
Riding over by the cop again, he
swore at him something dreadful. The
cop blushed. He had never heard cuss
words before.
Herman was locked up. He was
very much outraged at this treatment
He thought you could cuss cops Just
like they were politicians.
He wouldn't let the court see what
was in that little book. But the
court had a look, in his wallet, be-
cause Herman handed over IS.