The Washington times., 1917-09-02
''The Cook Is GOne''
MOST Potent Words
of TONGUE or PEN
THE cooks gone!"


of the northwest, greeted Herbert when he
returned from the office.
Gone" Herbert gasped and leaned
weakly against the door jamb
He clapped his hand to his forehead
and turned pale.
He was actually weak, although big
broad-shouldered man.
He had stood up in a swayingD grinding
car all the way home, while ladies and
gentlemen, fat, lean, and otherwise had
lurched painfully against him, the while the
conductor reiterated his monotonous chant
Of: Move up forward, please"
He had had his ribs jammed. his feet
stepped on, his clean palm beach suit
rumpled-
For several hours previous he had
Hrestled with the recalcitrant telephone
He had spent twenty-four minutes try
ing to get number he ought to have had In
thirty seconds. Then he had been discon-
uected and asked impatently what number
he wanted Then he was given the report
that the number did not answer although It
was large bushes firm Then for while
he struggled with the chief operator and
after q much longer time he got the connec-
ton he desired.
He had gone through . succession Of
such Incidents
His nerves were fingitng rke sleigh
bells.
Then to come home to thiSI
The cook gone-no dinner at hone-G
choice of a snack in the pantry unsatisfy-
dinner NJ n hOtel
disastrous to the pocketbook-
whereupon 1t can be realized that Nj.
Herbert Hooker had all the congiomerstion
of Joys which come with residence in the
National Capital in war boom times.
The cooks he had seen come and Rol They
were like unto a circus procession. He had
been forced to concoct composite name
and call them all alike because he nmpH
couldn't remember who th elast incumbent
of the kitchen regions was, whether It was
Sally who cooked his breakfast, or Susie
who set the dinner before him.
IfMrs. Herbert Hooker hadn't bean MrA.
Herbert Hooker the situation, wouldn't have
been quite so bad. But Mrs Hooker was
easy on the eye rather than good for the
economic management Of the househnld
She could make an exquisite dessert, salad
that was enhancing. but to assemble an en-
tire dinner from first to last was q tsmpera-
mental impOssibility.
Only this morning he had remarked
boestfully to a chap In the Office who said
his folks had been without q maid for four
days, and saw no prospect Of getting one
because they lived two miles from the near
est movie, that he was through with the
o,f v,VohIor, y,
pansively he had remarked graphically Z
have lemon in my kitchen and know IT.
but why exchange It for another lemonf"
That was all very well as far as It went
but now the lemon had chosen to make The
exchange herself.
Mrs Hooker was on the-Yerge Of tears.
In vain she had overlooked the fact that
Josie, the seventh before the las, had taken
her little tpple every morning. Josie had
departed to family that would give her
more money and no washing Sarah had
Of course, been impossible Not content with
feeding her husband on the side. shs had
taken 70 the expensive habit Of nourishing
all the numerous ramihcations Of both fami-
Les The srocerE bills had SCARED. Herbert
had complained Sarah had TO 20.
All that day she had telephoned en-
ployment agencies No, they didn't have
girl in the place. II one came in, they
would send her over, but there we're apy
number of orders ahead. Mrs. Herbert
knew what that meant 6he had waited
three days in succession on a previous
occasion for applicants from the agencies
70 show up and not even an apology for one
had appeared. II August was as bad, what
would September and October, with all the
returning families, be! She had even been
tempted to bribe the maid Of her best friend
TO change households
But It isn't as II We were She only
ones" she moaned into Herbert's coat
sleeve.
Down at knitting class yesterday that's
all the women were talking about One
woman suggested a cooperative kitchen.
like In an institution one kitchen and itS
force to feed so many families In the COM
munity."
Herbert chuckled.
THAT would be a situationI No two
families we know eat the same things or
appropriate the same household budget"
"Well, it gave US something to talk
about" Mrs. Herbert returned, "and took
our minds of the facts in the case for at
least fe wminutes."
Herbert had been looking thoughtful
for several minutes. Suddenly he ex-
claimed:
Leave it to me. I have the solution.
You get a girl-any kind of girl and III
guarantee to keep her"
"How?" squealed Mrs. Herbert with
returning spirits.
: an the first place, III get ball and
chain and attach one end to the kitchen and
one to the cooks ankle" he proceeded to
elaborate. THAT to begin with. Then we
will invite all her friends and relatives in
to meals, give her at least three pairs Of