The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1917-09-26


much happier than women" asked
the woman philosopher the other day.
Because the earth is mans and
the fullness thereof. while we women
only get such crumbs of angel food
as they drop from their tables" i
replied enviously.
mot at ALL" she responded, ut Is
because men are simple creatures
who know what they want and go
out and get 1t and are satisfied with
1t, whereas we women are poor wao-
bling, fifty-fiftiers who never achieve
our desires because We always want
contradictory things. We want the
sweet and the sour, the soft and the
hard. We are determined to have our
cake and eat it too that We drop
it and neither have 1t nor eat II.
did you ever notice the difference
between a new rich man and his wife!
The man is perfectly happy In glost-
ing over his money bags. He can nave
just as good a time as he wants IN
adding up his bank book. He doesn't
desire anything more thrilling than 10
clip coupons, and he's perfectly saus-
fed to live where he's always hVed'
and be the big fat toad in his own
little local puddle.
But his wife, having gotten money
wants to be in fashionable foclety'
and she pines to know the people who
don't want to know her, and to act as
IL she'd always had dollars TO throw
at the birds instead of having had 10
squeeze every nickel until she mace
the buffalo below. So she yanks her
husband Up by the roots from his old
home and old associations and the old
friends who knew them know them no
more. For they have gone to i've IN
an environment where they VIII De
strangers and aliens to the days OF
their death and miserable because the
woman couldn't be satisfied. as the
man could, with being merely rich.
"And look at the sacred joy the self
made man gets out of boasting about
how he was born III the gutter ana
how he worked his way up through
every difficulty and hardship to power
and place. It's a great achievement
and don't blame him for glorifying
in the ability. the grit and pluck That
it shows. But did you ever hear OF
a woman Boosting that she was SELF
made? Never.
"She may have dug herself out OF
the ash can and by her own unaided
efforts have made her place in the
sun, but she takes no pride in her
achievement. on the contrary, the
very first thing that she does after
she arrives Is to hire some expert 10
manufacture her an aristocratic an
cestry that runs back to the Norman
conquest
Women are never happy because
they are never satisfied to be what
they are. They want to be that and
something that is its direct antithe-
sis at the same time. That's why,
when a woman gets her picture in the
parer as the First Lady Longshore-
man or the Boss Lady Motor Truck
Driver. she is always depicted as
wearing a decollete gown with
string of pearls and toying with q
Pomeranian pup.
Yes, we women are fifty-fiftiers-
half one thing and half another-and
wanting it all. We try to play both
ends of tho game and that's why we
so seldom win out. Take business, for
instance. We are all crazy to go into
business and make money and get the
same pay for our work that men get
for theirs, Dut we are not willing to
work like men.
"we want to hold on TO our Jobs
with one hand and pink teas with the
other We don't want to let our
business interfere with our pleasure.
nor our privilege of giving way TO
our feminine ailments and going 10
bed for a pin scratch.
"Why. we don't even want to be
called working women" II we are
servants we must be called helpers"
II We are cooks we must be referred
to as "housekeepers." If We sell goods
we must be known as salesladies,
though nobody ever calls man sales
man salesgentleman. And look
how We dress for our labors! ] went
up in an elevator in an office build
ing the other day that was run BY a
fair young creature with her hair
waved and coiffed as if for ball, and
who had on a flesh colored Georgettc
blouse and three-story heeled white
kid shoes that never cost a penny I'M
Ger sl4, 1t made me smile and feel
like crying. The poor little fifty-fiftier
was determined she'd look like a So
ciety bud even while she was doing
hard manual labor.
And we women want TO be com
petitors of men. fight with them on
their own ground for the fat bones I'm
the commercial world, and then have
them treat us as il We were visiting
angels. Every now and then l hear
some working girl complain that her
employer is a brute who smokes while
he is debating to her, or that he
swears when she makes mistakes. or
that her fellow clerks keep their hats
on when she goes down with them in
the elevator.
"She wants everything that Is
coming TO her as a fine lady and as
n competent little hustler in business.
She wants to transfer the gallantries.
the compliments, the handkerchief
picking of the parlor to the counting
room, and when she can't she con-
siders herself extremely illused.
1.-THE most curious phase of our
fiftying. however" went on the Wom-
an Philosopher lis shown in our So
cial relations with men. We want
men to regard us as their equals. yet
at the same time We want them TO
look up to us as goddesses on pedcs
tails. We want TO march shoulder to
shoulder with them. be good chums. yet
to be baby dolls and cliEginS vines.
We want our husbands to give us all
the support and coddling that was be-
slowed on the old woman and add TO
it the freedom of the new woman.
1--WE are strong for men ceasing to
regard us as toys and playthings, to
be petted and flattered and dressed