The Liberal democrat. [volume] (Liberal, Kan.) 1911-1924, 1917-12-27
MARK TWAIN'S VERSATILE
BROTHER

AS funny as anything he ever
wrote about Colonel Sellers or Pud-
denhead Wilson, Was Mark Twain's
summing up of the various under
takings that his erratis brother, Orion
Clemens, had unsuccesfully engaged
in during brief period of his career.
Orion was the family failure and a
sore trial to Marks patience and
pocketbook. One of the letters re-
produced in Albert Bigelow Paine's
book (Harpers) written to w. D..
Howells gives humorous catalogue
of Orion's projects for the prosecu-
ton Of which he always leaned more
or less upon Marks support:
Observe Orion's career-that is, a
little of it: 1) He has belonged to
as many as five different religious
denominations; last March he with
drew from the deaconship in a Con-
gregational church and the superin-
tendency of its Sunday School, in
speech in which he said that for many
months tit runs in my mind that he
said thirteen years., he had been a
confirmed infidel, and so felt it his
duty to retire from the flock.
(2) After being Republican for
years he wanted me to buy him
Democratic newspaper.
(3) His next project was to write
burlesque upon Paradise Lost.
(4) Then, learning that the Times
was paying Harte 100 column for
stories, he concluded to write some
for the same price. *++
(5) Then he read proof on the
New York Evening Post at $40 a
week, and meekly observed that the
foreman swore at him and ordered
him around "like steamboat mate"
(6) Being discharged from the
Post he wanted to try agriculture.
(D Finally, if would lend him
$500 year for two years (this was
four or five years ago), he knew he
could make a success as lawyer, and
would prove it. The first year
his legal business brought him -5. 1t
also brought him an unremunerative
case where some villains were trying
to chouse some negro orphans out
of $500. He still has this case. He
has waggled it around through vari-
Gus courts and made some booming
speeches on it. The negro children
have grown up and married off now
believe, and their litigated town lot
has been dug up and carted off by
somebody, but Orion still infests the
courts with his documents and makes
the welkin ring with his venerable
case. The second year he didn't
So, and made Bliss put case in his
make anything The third he made
hands-about half an hours work.
Orion charged $50 for it---Bliss paid
him SIS. Thus four or five years of
lawing has brought him $26, but this
will doubtless be increased when he
gets done lecturing and buys that
Claw library" Meantime his rent
has been but $50 year.
(8) Then he by and by conceiv-
ed the idea Of lecturing around
America as "Mark Twain's brother"
that to be on the bills subject Of
of character"
(9) I protested, and he got on his
war paint and couched his lance, and
ran bold tilt against total absti-
ence and the Red Ribbon fanatics.
1t raised a fine row among the virtu-
Gus Keokukians.
(10) / wrote to encourage him in
his good work, but had let a mail
intervene; so by the time my letter
reached him he was winning laurels
as a Red Ribbon howler.
(1D Afterward he took rabid
part in a prayer meeting epidemic;
dropped that to travesty Jules Verne;
dropped that, in the middle Of the last
chapter, last March, to digest the
matter of an infidel book which he
proposed to write; and now he comes
to the surface to rescue our "noble
and beautiful religion" from the sac
religious talons of Bob Ingersoll. =