davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Kennewick courier-reporter. [volume] (Kennewick, Wash.) 1914-1938, 1917-03-22
WRITING FOR THE STAGE.
Sir w. 8. Gilbert Was Not 0vsrprou0
of His Own Work.

Sir w. 8. Gilbert Was Not Overprou
Of His Own Work.
mo man." writes Mrs. Alec-Tweedie
in her "reminiscences, my Tablecloths,'
''had stranger admirers or keener
haters than w. s. Gilbert. Successful
people always have, but then, added to
his success. he had pompous manner
and sarcastic tongue. -s
"He was in excellent form one May
night in 1898 when he dined with me.
We were talking about Lysiapne,
Sarah Bernhardt's new play, which l
had just seen in Paris, and said 1t
was poor play splendidly acted.
"Ie it's poor play It's sure to sue
ceed,' he retorted. No good play is
ever a success. Fine writing and high
morals are hopeless on the stage @
THAT is severe - T.. ~.
"'Not any too severe. l have been
scribbling twaddle for thirty-five years
to suit the public taste and ought to
know. And, after all, look at the the
alter. It contains some 1,5OO persons.
Now, If you serve up tripe and onions
for the gallery 1t offends the stalls; II
you dish up sweetbreads and truffies
for the stalls it disgusts the pit. There
fore plain leg of mutton and boiled po-
tato is the most suitable fare for all
Light fippery and amusing nonsense
are what l have endeavored to write.
But can tell you that after thirty-fve
years Of that sort of,thing, which l am
glad to say has brought grist to the
mill. l am about sick Of it, and i
shouldn't mind If I never wrote anOth-
The Kennewick courier-reporter. [volume] (Kennewick, Wash.) 1914-1938, 1917-03-22
The KnOcker

The "knocker" is an offspring of
failure and envy. Having no property
of his own, and being too poor to rent,
he becomes "poacher," making his
headquarters in the Offices of other
people. Nobody wants his company.
His employment is dangerous business
policy. His words are without fruit.
No one places any confidence in even
the good things he says, for they are
attributed to sinister motives.
He is a business vandal, continually
tearing down without replacing any
thing better; an unwholesome creature
with bad heart. He can't look you
in the face for love or money. In the
quadruped kingdom he would either be
a hyena or a skunk-or cross-breed.
Among the birds of the air he would
be a cuckoo in disposition, with q
crows complexion, while as reptile
ne would be rattlesnake. He "does''
everybody, relatives included. Rela-
tives are usually his first victims, be-
cause they are decent enough to place
some confidence in him. He is the
one man who can perform that won
derful contortionistic feat of getting
beneath himself. He is as dangerous
to community as a leper let loose.
When you meet a stknocker" don't
patronize him. Don't listen to him.
Give him wide berth. When you read
this once read it again and see il it
won't help you just a bit in under
standing how worthless is the knocker.
Farmer. lew
The Kennewick courier-reporter. [volume] (Kennewick, Wash.) 1914-1938, 1917-03-22
Equity and Economy.

Two men, strangers to each other
were seated together on the outside OF
q tramcar, and both filed their pipes
simultaneously. One, however, STRUCK
his match first, and the other request.
ed that he might share the light. Hav.
ing done SO, he took from his pocket
box of matches and handed one to
bis Obliging neighbor. ut Is foolish .
he said, ITO strike two when one will
do, but ] can't very well expect you to
provide that one when I have some
also. Let me payw A mind Of nice
balance in equity as well as economy
London Chronicle.
The Kennewick courier-reporter. [volume] (Kennewick, Wash.) 1914-1938, 1917-03-22

an Ondn0W0rWpIO Nr0UuIUuss :, >
The poor relation had not been invit-
ed to the formal function at the great
house, but he went to the door In spite
Of that oversight.
where's your card" inquired the
first gentleman In waiting.
Haven't got any," responded the
poor relation meekly.
Nobody can get In without card"
"Well, I'm nobody" murmured the
poor relation, but the first gentleman
in waiting could not grasp the delicate
humor Of it, and the poor relation was
turned away from the inhospitabie
doOr.-Exchange.,
The Kennewick courier-reporter. [volume] (Kennewick, Wash.) 1914-1938, 1917-03-22
Vain Quests.

A little girl who was trying to tell a
friend how absentminded her grandpa
was said, HE walks around, thinking
about nothing, and when he remem.
bers 1t he then forgets that what he
thought OF was something entirely diff.
ferent from what he wanted to remem.
ber."IChristian Register.
The Kennewick courier-reporter. [volume] (Kennewick, Wash.) 1914-1938, 1917-03-22
Where Men Wear Combs.

The traveller in India is surprised to
see that men wear combs in their hair
much more than women do. A Cinga-
lese gentleman wears what we know
as the circular comb and very orna-
mental back comb Of tortoise shell to
gather his curly locks together. He
wears a full beard also, but his servant
must trim his own beard and Is al
lowed to wear the circular comb only.
Exchange.
The Kennewick courier-reporter. [volume] (Kennewick, Wash.) 1914-1938, 1917-03-22
A st..u. Thu. Never Wa. Built.

Mount Athos, in Turkey, was the spot
contemplated by a sculptor for the most
imposing monument that man had ever
had. The sculptor Dinocrates offered
to cut the huge mountain mass into
the form Of a statue of Alexander
which should hold a city In the left
hand and in the right basin to re-
ceive all the waters that flowed from
the mountain.
Alexander was, much taken by the
plan, but rejected 1t for the practical
reason that there was not food enough
In the district to feed the Inhabitants
Of the proposed town. So the canal cut
by Xerxes to enable the ships to es-
cape sailing round the mountain re-
manned the greatest enterprise ever
achieved there.
The Kennewick courier-reporter. [volume] (Kennewick, Wash.) 1914-1938, 1917-03-22
Caught Both Waxs,

MIS-. Exe-My servant girl has left
me. She said had SO much company
there was too much work to do. Mr..
Wye-That's singular. Mine has left
me too. She said I had 50 little com.
pany 1t showed had no social pos,.
don.-Boston Transcript
The Kennewick courier-reporter. [volume] (Kennewick, Wash.) 1914-1938, 1917-03-22
Not Vet,

MIS-. Bacon-Don't you think I'm en-.
utied TO pension, John? Mr.. Bacon
why, no. A pension Is something you
get after you are through fiehtinr.-
Yonkers Statesman. =
The Kennewick courier-reporter. [volume] (Kennewick, Wash.) 1914-1938, 1917-03-22
Bad Color Scheme.

Bad Color Scheme.
'The man I am engaged to has been
terribly wild, but Is going to turn over
q new leaf"
Don't put your trust In such bad
color scheme. Rosy futures seldom
grow on purple past" = Baltimore
The Kennewick courier-reporter. [volume] (Kennewick, Wash.) 1914-1938, 1917-03-22
Aia Tandar Snot.

Hokus-That fellow Closeflst doesn't
know what it means to be sensitive.
You can't hurt bis feelings. Pokus-
Did you ever try pinching him In the
pocketbook ?-Town Topics. A.
The Kennewick courier-reporter. [volume] (Kennewick, Wash.) 1914-1938, 1917-03-22

one reason we are not successful u
mat we sfdestep Opportunity and
shake hands with Temptation.
The Kennewick courier-reporter. [volume] (Kennewick, Wash.) 1914-1938, 1917-03-22
Sure 1hinol

Mrs. Exe-Dear, what does It mean
when you get a notice from the bank
that your account is overdrawn? Exc
I'm the case Of a man It means that
he Is married.-B Transcript.
The Kennewick courier-reporter. [volume] (Kennewick, Wash.) 1914-1938, 1917-03-22

AN OPPORTUNITY to get tract Of
land. The First National Bank has
1919 acres with N. P. water right.
This land is located three miles
from Kennewick and may be pur-
chased without an initial cash pay
ment. Very attractive terms Of
fered. If interested inquire of the
First National Bank, Pasco, Wash.
5000
The Kennewick courier-reporter. [volume] (Kennewick, Wash.) 1914-1938, 1917-03-22

FOR SALE-We offer for sale at very
low price and on easy terms Lot 2
in Block 8, First addition to Ken
newick; Lots II and 1S, Block s,
Amon's addition; Lots 20 and %,
Block 8, First addition; 65-acre al
falfa ranch near Finley on Columbia
river. Write Coffin Bros, North
Yakima, Wash. 46-51p
The Kennewick courier-reporter. [volume] (Kennewick, Wash.) 1914-1938, 1917-03-22

FOR SALE-Good matched team Of
young horses, $500 pounds; several
work mares 1000 to 1900 lbs, also
5 pure bred young Holstein bulls,
about ready for service;' prices very
reasonable. o. Richter, old Moore
Ranch, Pasco. Soft
The Kennewick courier-reporter. [volume] (Kennewick, Wash.) 1914-1938, 1917-03-22
For Rent
FOR RENT House on Kennewick
Avenue; three rooms and toilet. 8.
II. Henderson. ~ - :. 1851

PASTURE-Five sections of good
bunch grass range. Until further
notice call me at Cottman House.
Jos. Svatonski, Kennewick. 51tf
The Kennewick courier-reporter. [volume] (Kennewick, Wash.) 1914-1938, 1917-03-22
To Trade

EXCHANGE-420 acres Franklin
county, Washington, wheat land
for irrigated ranch or land near
Kennewick. Enke, 1902, Fifth Av.,
Seattle. 49,. 49-01p
The Kennewick courier-reporter. [volume] (Kennewick, Wash.) 1914-1938, 1917-03-22

& N. depot. Will rent very reason
able. Address Mrs. Mamie Shepard
1858 John St., Seattle Wn. 45tf
TO LEASE, RENT, TRADE OR Sell
Tracts Is and IL, The Richland
Gardens. Ten acres in fruit about
ready to bear. Adjoins high school
to the south, Richland, Washington.
Address, J. E. Hickey, Moundsville,
w. Va. 45-51
The Kennewick courier-reporter. [volume] (Kennewick, Wash.) 1914-1938, 1917-03-22

FOR Rents acres, tract No. 4, Mob
Hill orchard; clear and under ditch,
ready for cultivation, near O-W. r
The Kennewick courier-reporter. [volume] (Kennewick, Wash.) 1914-1938, 1917-03-22

FOR SALE House and two lots at .
very low price and on easy terms.
Lots 10 and 10, block 4, Amon's adj
dition. Dr.. ]. B. Schlund, Hoquiam,
W.sh. 800 -: - : 49, 47tf
The Kennewick courier-reporter. [volume] (Kennewick, Wash.) 1914-1938, 1917-03-22

watch and pin, between
Lutheran church and Princess thea
tire. Finder please notify Mrs. F.
H. Krup. SOL
The Kennewick courier-reporter. [volume] (Kennewick, Wash.) 1914-1938, 1917-03-22

FOR SALE-All farming implements
and household goods, davenport,
buffet, dining table, sewing ma
chine, dresser, desk, rugs, etc. D..
e. Stull, phone 1742. 49h
The Kennewick courier-reporter. [volume] (Kennewick, Wash.) 1914-1938, 1917-03-22

CLARK SEEDING STRAWBERRY;
PLANTS berry that made
Hood River famous. One Of the
best shippers, and most productive
Strawberry in the Northwest. w.
3. Gibson & Son, Hood River, Ore.
Route 2. 47-51
The Kennewick courier-reporter. [volume] (Kennewick, Wash.) 1914-1938, 1917-03-22

STRAYED OR STOLEN-Black mare
coming 4, branded ace Of spades on
right stifle. Liberal reward. j. l..
Cochran, r. No. l. g.. dip
The Kennewick courier-reporter. [volume] (Kennewick, Wash.) 1914-1938, 1917-03-22

FOR SALE Would like cash offer
on Lot /, Skaters First Addition to
town Of Kennewick. Address p. 8.
Bayley, 1909 Grace Ave-, Spokane,
Wash. 6O-52
The Kennewick courier-reporter. [volume] (Kennewick, Wash.) 1914-1938, 1917-03-22

FOR SALE-Over 100 aprons, un-
limited fancy work and big chicken
pie dinner at Commercial club
rooms, Saturday, April z, by the
Christian Ladies' Aid. 51-2
The Kennewick courier-reporter. [volume] (Kennewick, Wash.) 1914-1938, 1917-03-22

FOR SALE-Two good work mares;
about 2600 pounds. Inquire this
office. ,@ 50-51p
The Kennewick courier-reporter. [volume] (Kennewick, Wash.) 1914-1938, 1917-03-22

FOR SALE Thorobred White Wyan-
dotte ROSTERS. Eggs for Matching
$1.00 per setting. Geo. Egbert.
1851
The Kennewick courier-reporter. [volume] (Kennewick, Wash.) 1914-1938, 1917-03-22
Lost and Found

LOST-Neck chain with pearl laval
liere. Reward for return to this Of
flee. 81
The Kennewick courier-reporter. [volume] (Kennewick, Wash.) 1914-1938, 1917-03-22

FOR SALE-Studebaker buggy, al
most new. Bargain. 7. C. Browne
Phone 2191. 49tt
The Kennewick courier-reporter. [volume] (Kennewick, Wash.) 1914-1938, 1917-03-22

FOR SALE-Gentle driving and rid
ing mare; cheap if taken at once.
Apply at this Office. SIP
The Kennewick courier-reporter. [volume] (Kennewick, Wash.) 1914-1938, 1917-03-22

MATCHING EGGS-From Rhode Is
land Reds; good stock and winter
layers. 75c for Is. O. c. Gleich-
man, phone 31x4. 5O-52
The Kennewick courier-reporter. [volume] (Kennewick, Wash.) 1914-1938, 1917-03-22

FOR SALE-Ez of Lot in Garden
Tracts, on River Road. Price $3.50
IL taken soon. See o. w. Rich. Sip
The Kennewick courier-reporter. [volume] (Kennewick, Wash.) 1914-1938, 1917-03-22

FOR SALE-A few settings of thoro-
& bred Black Minorca eggs. $3.50 for
Is. Mrs. j. G.. Hogan. 81
The Kennewick courier-reporter. [volume] (Kennewick, Wash.) 1914-1938, 1917-03-22

I offer for sale A horses, one fine
brood mare, weight 1900; wagons
and harness, plows and cultivators;
one set blacksmith tools. IF inter-
ested address j. s. Wheeler, Rich
land 52p
The Kennewick courier-reporter. [volume] (Kennewick, Wash.) 1914-1938, 1917-03-22

FOR SALE-Cheap, 5-acre tract in
Section Seven. For particulars ad.
dress Box 313, HOLSTER, Cal. Or
The Kennewick courier-reporter. [volume] (Kennewick, Wash.) 1914-1938, 1917-03-22

gentleman who ex-
changed hats by mistake at the mus.
icale at the high school Tuesday
evening, kindly return same for ex-
change to the. owner, 7. Bliss
Phone 1862. II y
New Britain herald. [microfilm reel] (New Britain, Conn.) 1890-1976, 1917-09-12
Shoes.
(Meriden Record),

Shoes are to cost no more this year
than they did last. This is the word
of A. F. Sloane, field secretary for the
National Shoe Retailers association.
Mr.. Sloane says many retail shoes
men have overstocked. And contrary
to general opinion, there is no short
age of leather. Shoe prices are not
to be advanced by wholesalers to the
retail trade. And some new substi-
tutes are proving better than leather.
There is a new sole being turned out,
for example, which seems so far to
be better than leather, and one con-
Germ is making something like $780,
600 pairs CT these soies a day.
Now these are cheering thoughts.
Interesting If true. In a war world
where shoes for the three-year-o old
cost s2.75 per pair If they are of
quality to last more than a month, 1T
is at least beautiful to believe that
they won't cost 1925 the next time
they must be bought.
But why shouldn't some consola-
ton be left in the midst of affliction?
Now that the army model for men
is in fashion for men at home as we'll
as soldering, and there are rumors
in the style notes that women's shoes
are to be simpler and saner, there
are sure to be fewer foot troubles. and
consequently less spinal troubles. And
if these benefits are to be obtained
at no higher cost than the cramping,
reforming footgear of the past-let's
all buy shoes.
And if Mr.. Sloane's optimism is JUS
titled by future facts, there will be
one thing, as Americans sit around
the turkey on the last Thursday Of
November. for which they are devout-
ly thankful.
New Britain herald. [microfilm reel] (New Britain, Conn.) 1890-1976, 1917-09-12
NEVER AGAIN.

Argentina could have done nothing
less than present to the German en-
bassy at Buenos Aires the passports
of the Charge d'Affairs who was the
central figure in the recent revelations
of diplomatic intrigue. In the same
fashion, the Swedish Foreign Office
could have done nothing more than
apologize for the misuse of its Off
cial channels by the German diplo-
mats at Buenos Aires. Sweden is in
a very bad position. Her place as
neutral is now viewed with suspicion
because Of the expose in South Amer
lea.
The United States Of America has
been almost over-generous in its
dealings with all nations of the world,
both before and since our entrance
America suffered more at the hands
Of Germany than any other world
power. After the declaration of war
bv the American Congress, Germany
succeeded in either enlisting or in
weighing other neutral nations to act
against the interests of the United
States. They have been forgiven
readily. Big and generous of heart,
Uncle Sam understands the positions
! they occupy. Especially is this so in
| the case Of Sweden. In the future,
however, American charity and mercy
will be tempered with caution. The
| end of the rope has been reached.
New Britain herald. [microfilm reel] (New Britain, Conn.) 1890-1976, 1917-09-12
THESE ARE THE THINGS.

|ere are some things we must not
let. The nation at war has called
its young manhood to do active
be on the field of battle. The
Esters, for the most part, have
willingly and with determina-
They have placed their lives on
Sltar of patriotism. Those who
at home can give only part of
!H4reasure to somewhat balance
|Gupreme sacrifice of men who
AL that life holds dear,-exist.
With this thought in mind let
Een see to it that no American
kroanShis town suffers from the
Fof a soldiers greatest source of
tobacco. While supplying them
this, let us also complete the list
hines Of our boys now with
krmy and the navy and the ma
4 guard. These are the things
Dh0u1d not, must not, neglect.
New Britain herald. [microfilm reel] (New Britain, Conn.) 1890-1976, 1917-09-12

be left free to take care of other
matters more important than suffrage.
Woman suffrage has made great
strides in the past forty years, or
since Susan b. Anthony first came for
ward with her proposed panacea. It
has made great strides in the past
decade; but it will lose ground if some
Of the women who advocate nation
wide suffrage are not farsighted
enough to see they are hurting the
cause by picketing and other rough
house methods They have been told
this time and time again. Recent
events, particularly the special cleo
tons held Monday in Maine, have
demonstrated that the advice to re-
frain from such tactics is worth
taking Maine having gone against
woman suffrage is, of course, no true
sign that suffrage is doomed for all
eternity. AS Maine goes so goes the
nation Is a myth. Yet the old time
slogan carries a hint of warning. It
is for the suffrag ists to say whether
Maine shall or shall not be. the
barometer
New Britain herald. [microfilm reel] (New Britain, Conn.) 1890-1976, 1917-09-12
What Would You Do?
(Des Moines Register

The different conclusions which
may be drawn from the same basic
facts are excellently illustrated in the
agreement of Frank Simonds and
1.-THE New York American as to the
state of affairs in Europe, and their
disagreement as to what duty this
entails upon the United States.
Mr. Simonds said recently that the
Allied offensives of the last year had
been disappointing in results. He ex
pressed his belief that if the sub1na-
rine campaign were not checked, and
If either the United States or Russia
did not prove an important military
factor next year, the Entente would
be unable to continue the war be-
yond the end of 1918, but would have
to negotiate white peace draw.
The conclusion he reached was that
the United States should strike as
powerful a blow at Germany as pos
sible, and as soon as possible
Mr., Hearst's newspaper, accepting
what Mr.. Simonds had said as an ex
preston of its own opinion regard
| ing the state of affairs in Europe,
| reached the conclusion that the
| United States should concentrate all
! it's efforts on home defence, in order
to cope with Germany in case Ger
| many defeated the Entente.
| It is not certain that either of
; these opinions is 100 per cent. genu-
inc Mr.. Simonds may save over
stated the case in order to emphasize
the necessity for American aid. Mr.
Hearst, moved by enmity toward
England may be willing to have
Germany and the United States
emerge as the only two powerful mill
| itary nations and trust to luck to
| avoid further encounter.
| But assuming that there is enough
f'truth In the descriptions of .condi-
tons to warrant the drawing of con-
! clusions we may obtain an interest
ing light on the two suggestions by
citing a comparison.
Suppose that YOU a small boy,
come upon a group of other boys
fighting and that after the fighters
in one group have kicked you on
the shins and in the bread basket Of
ten enough you conclude that they
intend to do" you, as we used to
say, and you announce that you are
in the fight to help the other side.
Now, if you are informed, while
you are taking off your coat, that the
fight is being waged on practically
/ even terms, but that Il it goes on
much longer without He'o Lux yool
friends they will be licked, and the
other side will go for you alone, what
will you do about it?
Will you do as Mr. Simonds sug-
gests. and pitch in and help your
friends, SO that your combined
strength may lick the opposition?
Or will you do as Mr.. Hearst adj
vocates, go home and practise on a
| punching bag so that you may be
capable of defending yourself alone
against the whole crew If they sue
coed in laying your friends out?
New Britain herald. [microfilm reel] (New Britain, Conn.) 1890-1976, 1917-09-12
Not Fit for the UnWritten LEW.
New York WORLDLY


A trial for murder in which It Is said
that the unwritten law is to be apt
pealed to in England for the first time
is now in progress in London. The
tragedy grew. out of the attachment Of
beautiful young woman for an adven
turer when her soldier husband was al
the front.
In this situation we have what
might be called the makings of an I'm.
written-law case, but the statement In
the dispatches that the trial will be<
concluded in two days shows that the
British have not yet grasped the full
possibilities of such proceedings az
they are conducted in America. Here
in New York, it would take two
weeks to impanel a jury. Each Of thu
lawyers for the prosecution and de.
tense would insist upon speaking fol
at least two days. The high priced ex'
perts would want week apiece. a-
Evidently they do not know how t. 4.
conduct an unwritten-law case in Lonr
don. If England expects to become an
ally of the United States in such matt
tiers it must forego war for six month1
and devote its energies to the case Id
hand.
New Britain herald. [microfilm reel] (New Britain, Conn.) 1890-1976, 1917-09-12

WaShfngtOn'S Bowery.

Pennsylvania avenue, in your expec-
tatlon the Broadway of Washington, is
more or less its Bowery, since proprie-
tors, aware that the government will
soon take over their holdings, see no
object in improving them Dowdy ho-
tells bid for dodgers at SO cents a night.
25 even. Shop windows TEEN with
souvenirs-the capitol on brass Slip
pers, the capitol on silver puppies. the
capitol on patriotic dustpans, the capt.
toll Illuminated with mother of pearl.
Chop-suey resorts abound. On the
way to- his inauguration each new
president passes a "home OF bur-
lesque,' penny arcade. a tattooist's
studio and the shrine where beau
tiful lady palmist" reveals your name.
And yet at the end of this amazing
thoroughfare rises the matchless dome
that crowns the capitol which crowns
a lordly eminence.-Rollin Lynde Hart
in Century.