The West Virginian. [volume] (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1914-1974, 1917-02-08
Monongalia Musings

@~Flnstead of laying up her treasures
where moths doth not corrupt nor
thieves break through and steal, Bos-
ton, the city Of billingsgate, bombast
and bunions, turns over her surplus
silver to Billy Sunday. However, we
must not expect too much of Boston.
Theodore Parker. an intellectual
wonder, preached in that city in days
of yore. Finally his health gave way
and he sought strength in Sunny
Italy. Thereupon the Y. NJ. c. A.
met and prayed that he might never
return. Instead of finding health in
Italy, the brave and generous Parker
found the angel of Death. Like a
great and peaceful river with green
and shaded banks, without a murmur
and without a ripple, he passed to
the waveless sea of eternal rest. "
Again the Y. NJ. G. A. of Boston met
and thanked God that their prayers
ha9 been answered. Therefore, we
repeat, don't expect too much of Bos-
ton yet. When another century has
rolled by it is possible that the light
OF culture and civilization reason and
religion may penetrate the recesses
OF her mental ravines.
'%+our lax and latitudinarian legisla-
ture generously grants us the privi-
lege of procuring monthly quart to
quench our transitory thirst. Let us
assume that there are 100000 male
adults in West Virginia exclusive of
the members Of our legislature. One
quart per month for each for one
year would made the glowing and
giddy total Of 100000 legal quarts.
Cheer up, ye thirsty sons OF Adam.
hat saucy slanthead, that Cape
Cod cooling, Tom Lawson may now
so to the rear of the room and as
sumo a sedentary position.
1--WE don't know whether those
crazy James and silly sallys are stu
ptcketing the White House or not,
but we are reasonably certain they
will never become intelligent voters.
e*"The paragraph pullet of The
Times, having relieved our system
Of its most obnoxious trait, now has
the world wondering what agency
can be employed to renoyate mis-
mental machinery. AS Coleridge
says:
The river Rhine, it is well known,
Doth wash the city of Cologne;
But tell me, nymphs, what power
divine
Shall henceforth wash the river
Rhine?
*"spring is coming, and. according
to Tennyson, the tardigate 1t is then
that the young mans fancy lightly
turns to thoughts of love. AS there
are perhaps 5000 young men in the
two counties of Marion and Mononga.
liza who are destined to fall in love
this spring and we are looking for
words and methods to convey q few
OF their saccharine sentiments, the fol.
lowing from an anonymous animalcule
is sardonically submitted: "I stood
upon the oceans briny shore, and with
a fragile reed ! wrote upon the sand.
Agnes, ] love thee The mad waves
rolled by and blotted out the fair i'm.
preston. Frail,, reed, cruel wave,
treacherous sand, I'll trust thee no
more: but, with giant hand I'll pluck
from Norway's frozen shore, her tall
est pine and dip it's top into the era.
ter OF Vesuvius and upon the high
FURNISHED sky I'll write, Agnes, love
thee'-and would like to see any dog
goned wave wash that out"
's'The direction Of our progress Isl
outlined as follows by o close ebser.
yer Of mundane affairs: We boast
OF progress whittier? From the savage
who knew nothing to the dude who
knows less. From the barbarian Who
would plumber your baggage 70 the CIV
illzed Shylock who would steal thel
very earth ftom under yopf feet. From |
that state wherein the American soy.
ereigns, however poor, considered
themselves the equals OF kings and
and superiors ofprinciples, to that NOR
al degradation and national decay mi
which they purchase the scurvy apawnl
Of petty dukes as husbands for our
daughters. BY the splendor OF God.
I'd rather be q naked Fiji Islander.
dancing about a broiled missionary
with a bull-ring In my nose, than a |
simpering society simpleton wearing
my intellectual apparatus to fragile
with a study OF neckties.
s. 9, MusGRAvE.