The Lakeland evening telegram., 1917-07-20
THE
HELPER
By PAULINE D. EDWARDS

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my head on the log where 1 kill the
chickens. I've not only made blum
der, but double blunder, In tryin' tC
help two people at once. There was
Charlie Burnes mopin' around, pinin
because he had no one to help him run
his farm, no companion or nOthin', and
there was Susan Nutter with step
mother and unhappy at home.
thought they'd do well to marry, so ]
butted in and arranged the matter be.
tween 'em. l had no interest in it; !
only consented to be go-between out
o the kindness O my heart. I'm an
old maid myself and wouldn't marry
the best man on earth. I hain't got no
call to marry l got my own house
and ground all paid for and $50 a
month from bond and mortgage be-
sides. So I'm out O. the matrimonial
question. But I'm not the only one
in the world to be considered Mebbe
what'd kill me might cure others
Thinkin' that away, / told Charlie
about Susan and Susan about Charlie.
I praised Charlie to Susan, and this,
together with the hard time she was
havin' at home, made her powerful
anxious to git him. But somehow or
mother she got the idea that if he
seen her he wouldn't have her, so she
told me l could tell him If he'd take
her entirely on my recommend it 'ud
be go. Charlie he thought if she seen
what an ungainly feller he was she
wouldn't have him neither, so he con-
sented. didn't see no harm in this, for
Susan was pretty as peach, and Char
lie was as fine a-loOkin' feller as ever
fOllered a plow.
The mornin' O the weddin' l helped
Susan to git on white muslin dress,
and when the other fixin'S was all on
she looked lovely. The clock struck
the hour for the weddin', the house
was chuck full O. the neighbOrs-I fur
nished the cake and things-and up
drives Charlie in his two horse wagon,
with suit O new store clothes on,
loOkin' fine and manly. | met him ut
the door and TUX him in to the settin'
room, where Susan was a-standin'
waitin'. Susan blushed little, and
seen a mighty pleased look come over
Charles face. But there wasn't no
time to git acquainted, for the parson
stepped in, and before they knowed
1t they was married. Then, after the
snack set in the dinin' room, Charlie
TUX his wife out to the wagon and
driv' off, followed by the usual shower
O. rice and old slippers
Reckon you'll say there want moth
in foolish about this, and don't know
as there would "a been If it could "a
been done without n go-between. Y'see
there's natural course sich things
have to rum jist like measles. A wrong
treatment o measles Is apt to drive
EN- in. In Charles and Susan's case
the courtin' and the gittin' used to
workin' in matrimonial harness was
thrOwed on to em all to onct. If the
courtin' had been done in its proper
time the new harness wouldn't "a been
SO hard to get used to.
1t wasn't three days after the we'd
din when Susan she come to me all
afire, and she says, says She Miss
Shaw, what'd you go tie me up to sich
a man as that fOr?" whats the trUu-
ble?" says l. "He never speaks to me
at breakfast no more'n if I'd come in
for hired help" II don't know nothin'
bout men," says l, "but l hearn tell
that they have all sorts O. ways about
'em that don't mean nothin'. If he don't
want to talk at breakfast, wait till
dinner. Mebbe he'll have somepin to
say by that time that's wo'th hearin'." !"
Well, she went away only half paci-
fled, and pretty soon in comes Charlie,
and he wants to know what l had agin
him to marry him to a woman who
talked all the time at breakfast-just
the time o day he felt clipper and
liked talkin' himself-and wouldn't give
him n chance to get in word. l tole
him 1 was woman myself and knowed
that there was times a woman had to
talk and times she had to cry and IL he
wanted to git one different from this
he'd have to git her made to order.
For months they was a-runnin' to me
complainin because l got 'em into a
fix, and l got mighty tired of it.
One evenin' l got out my mare and
driv over to Charles farm. Charlie
was a-sittin' on the porch smokin his
cob pipe, and Susan was inside doin
the supper dishes. / sit still in the
buggy, with the whip in my hand, for ]
knowed what was a-goin' to do, and
thought 1t 'ud be prudent to be ready
to move on suddent.
Charlie" l says, says 1, II come over
to ak your parding for tyin' y up with
gal that's got one o. the worst tenn
pers ever hearn Of"
hadn't hardly got the words out o
my mouth before Susan comes e
the door wipin' a plate with a dishclott
and fire in her eye. whats that Y
say?" she says, mighty hot. 81 says
says /, I've come over a-purpose L
tell you, Susan, that I'm mighty sorry
for what l done, persuadin' you tC
marry the worst man in the world e
git on with. He's the consarndest"-
John reached down for the iror