The Butler weekly times., 1917-08-30
SUNBEAMS
Stop! Look!!
Stop! Look!!
N>N Listen!!! Some
@N@ years ago l was rid
ing along coun-
1~try road -(on horse


you won't live to tell anybody" Sale
he, Il promised my dyin' Pa that il
ever met an uglier man than am
that | would kill him, and l have al
last found him. Did beg?
shore did But 'twant no use. The
evidence was all against me. Finally
I decided to save my life even
though it cost me fifty cents to dc
it. So l called taxi and went on
home. Now, you folks who are anx-
ious to know me may be sure you
have found me when you see per
son is uglier than yourself. Do yo''
think you will be able to do so?
A fellow asked me what business
he could 60 into that offered the
quickest returns. l told him to try
writing for a county paper. That
brings quick returns-(of your NJ. s
S.
met a fellow onct who was long,
lank, and had bilious complexion.
He was nervous, he had stoppage
Of speech. He suffered with both
feet, was so cross eyed he could look
at his own head. In fact he was ter
rible. He said, Il have scheme that
will make everybody rich quick. Sit
down while l elucidate." l sat, yes,
and listened as long as | could (and
not commit murder). l won't tell
you what it was-I like you too
much. said to him, you are mis-
taken and an unhappy man. Go,
take something for it. You will par
don me if l say you seem to be sui
fering from a lack of something
(mostly brains). Evidently you are
a dreamer with an aggravated notion
that your dreams will come true.
They will not. Stop while you may.
Take it from me, too, was dream
er (once). Leave this beautiful land
of dreams. The world has no use for
vagaries nor dreams and nightmares
amt worth the price of a meal ticket
(any more)." When l finished he
said, Friend, | may follow your ad-
vice quien sabe, and you may yet hear
of my achievements in more saluo-
'rious climate, and where people are
more appreciative. We part as
friends do we not?" Sure" says /,
"Buenos noche," and he waved adios
as he passed on his way.
An evangelist says that the
churches and preachers have been
asleep on the job, else we wouldn't
have got into war This same bally-
hooer goes on to say christians are
not as enthusiastic about religion as
some folks are about corn plaster.
Now my opinion is that good corn
plaster is worth more, will go farth-
er, stick closer, last longer, take a
deeper hold and do more good than
the $50 called religion these en-
bryotic evangelists (who are still
damp with the dews of their YOUTH
are spreading around the country at
so much per spread. Religion never
won war and never will. 1t takes
guns, work, nerve and-some cussin. i.
| rise to remember that as gard
ener | am "au fait' I'm it. My
speciality is beans. have one (Ken-
lucky Wonder variety) that is some
pole climber. It.has arrived at the
top of a IA foot pole and it is still
going up How will get the beans
do you ask? 0, I'm going to wait.
Bye and bye when it gets tired OF
reaching for more pole it will turn
around and climb down and the. beans
will come with it.
Speaking of poles reminds me.
When a boy at school the boss asked
me where Poland was and ! said 1t
was right where the surveyors left 1t.
That made him 'huffy and he said,
"Ah, you are very clever, amt you!
Well, then you may tell the class
what the chief industry of Poland is.
And at that had him beat for
promptly answered, manufacturing
poles,"-Then the roof blew off.
l feel so peculiar and so funny.
Just like I'd tumbled in the honey, or
some one had left me all their money.
Gosh, it's funny when you feel that
way. Try it once.
/, The question has been asked, why
does a cat have a tail?" Scientists
answer by asking another, viz:
what would q cat look like with
out 4 tail?" Now, nobody has asked
me Tor my opinion. but. by heck. here
it is. I think cat would have about
- much use for . tail as anyone
would have for . head who would ask
any such dafned fool question. +
Kaiser Bill, o. Kaiser B1l, your
toboggan's sliding swiftly down the
hiiI. Where the Allies wait TO greet
you, and our Sammy Boys will meet
you and with tar and feathers tfeat
you, Kaiser Bill
! thank you. z
1J9