The Butler weekly times. (Butler, Mo.) 1881-1918, 1917-02-01
SUNBEAM MS
:' %;;, ,: + +; It. E: 't &:
by Columbus as |
have heard it,:

have heard it
columbus was walking down the
street one day when he met Queen
Isabelle coming along in a new
automobile. She said Hello Clum
and he said Iowdy Bella (You
see the Queen and Columbus were
on pretty intimate terms-consid-
cradle scandal attached to them
at one timr>. 'Clum' said, Bella
think if | had a few ships
would 20 out and discover the o.
$. She took him into the Wal.
dorf Castoria and bought him a
couple of Schooners' and he
sailed away. He sailed for years
and years. One day the man in
the lookout yelled | see land
ahead o, no, said Columbus,
that's not real land, that's a
busted real estate boom, however,
he said will investigate. So he
went down in the basement of the
ship. lItchcd up pair of mules
and drove ashore When he got
ashore the beach was lined with
Indians. Tach Indian had on a
pair of rubber boots. They were
all dressed in different kinds OF
skins but most Of them just had
on their bare skins. One old
fellow was dressed a little better
lbcing a chief. He had big
feather buster stuck up his back.
He held out his hand and said is
this Columbus? Columbus said
yes, did you get my 'macaronl
wirclcss9' The chief said we did
by telephone and we are ready
to be discovcrcd.' THAT s all ex-
ccpt that Columbus then went ov-
or into Ohio and | think Columbus
is in Ohio yet.
Two men recently robbed a
bank of quite a "bit' Of money.
The amount was somewhat " less y
than they had expected to get,
but, every bitter has it's sweet
they also got 5 years which was
considerable more than they
hoped for. SO you see you Just
can t please all the people all the
time.
1t seems that some ver-jcalous
folks (Suffragcttcs | judge are
kicking because the lady on
the recent issue Of the 25-cent
piece is scantily' clad. They
say it is "dcmoralizing' and
''suggcstivr.'' The men don t
say anything about it. Possibly
haven t noticed anything irregu-
lar for the reason that they can
see the "scantily draped female y
in real life almost every day. |
cant see anything wrong about it
unless it is a scarcity of two
hit coins. It's a case Of Evil to
him who evil thinketh. y Consis-
tcncy. thou art rare jewel in
deed.
If the parties who found Sun
ny Jim s news last week and
who was kind enough to stamp
and mail will give in their name
and address | will mail postage.
don't know where I lost lem
but their loss would have been a
dire calamity to readers OF The
Times. Whoever it was is Il
friend indeed and | thank him Cor
her as the ease may be- and would
like to pay them for their kind
ness.
Some folks wonder why | call
this "Peaccful Valley It'll is not
because the people are more will.
ing to give than to take (most OF
us take more than we can ever
givc). But the reason for the
name? O, it's because the folks
Of Peaceful Valley arc so much
like the Death Of a Christian.
They always 90 "slow and easy.
Simple? Yes, seems like any
one could have guessed it. Get
~ habit Of thinking e.a,tt things ~fe'
yourself.
Do you know, when see that
good many people in this coun
try are tearing around raising
money land generally making
nuisances of themsclves) for tho
unfortunates in Europe, can
help wondering what has become
of the time worn addage CHAR
ty begins at home We hav'
been land still arel suffering
from the effects of war land w
have no war;. Why not devot'
the money to the-needs OF tn
poor at home first. A littl'