davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Colorado statesman., 1917-07-28
THINK DIFFERENT NOW

have lived in the State of H.
linois for great many years and
have felt proud to live in a state
where | have felt that all men
are free and equal regardless of
race or creed, but since such
things as those happened in
East st. Louis, myself and many
others think different, while the
good and intelligent people of IL
linois sit still and as quiet as a
sheep before its shearer, and a
lamb before the slaughter, dumb
and open not their mouths.
Where are the white Christian
ministers of Illinois and other
places? Do they dare speak for
humanity sake? Not that they
have so much love for the Negro,
but they should speak for the
sake of Christianity, but no, they
say as Piolate said of the Lord
1--WE find no fault in Him but
take Him away and do what you
will"
We have just read in the pa
pers where the President ap-
peals to the American people to
enlist in this great war for hu-
manity sake. If that be true,
we wonder what the President
thinks of the happenings in East
st. Louis? Does he not regard
those poor defenseless Ameri-
cans as human? Well they are,
and the very same kind that are
guarding the Presidents home
in Washington and all govern
ment buildings in the National
Capitol. While the black SOL
diers are doing this; their wives,
daughters and friends in East
st. Louis should at least be pro-
tected by the authorities. Why
send soldiers to protect the
black man with orders not to
shoot. | wonder if the black
soldiers at Washington have the
same orders-NO.
These conditions can not and
will not last always and some day
the American white man will rel
ish the wrongs that he has done
to his truest and best friend the
American Negro. History re-
peats itself, and the Ruler of the
Universe has said Ethiopia
shall stretch forth her hands,"
so | say to my black brothers
don't get discouraged for be-
hind the dark clouds the sun still
shines.
J. SPENCER,
Chicago, Ill.
The Colorado statesman., 1917-07-28
Proct Of Nervous Condition.

The most valuable study for ascer.
tanning the condition of the nervous
SYSTEM lies, not in the voluntary so
much as in the automatic or involun-
cleS controlling vision. A blow on
the eye makes it "see stars" because
the nerves react upon the center of
vision, and the force of the blow is
like the stimulation of rays of light.
The action and interaction of the
nerves and muscles are the suest
possible indications to the physician
1f the nervous condition of Il patient,
md through these he may often dag
nose nervous diseases of great impor-
.ance before they would otherwise be
listinguishable.
The Colorado statesman., 1917-07-28
Fortunes
Waiting

There is now a greater
consumption of oil than is
being produced. Unless new
producing fields are devel-
oped to increase the supply
this year, We will face a
shortage of over 50,000,000
barrels. - Francis S. Pea
body to the Senate Commit
tee, June IS, 1917.
Ever; individual may "Do
His Bit" by assisting in pro-
ducing more oil, and at the
same time perhaps make his
fortune. That means you!
There is a chance for
everyone to share in this
prosperity who will take it
when it is offered to him.
The most conservative Bank
ers and Business Men are
awakening to the unique
strength of the oil industry
and the extraordinary pros
poets for large profits, and
are investing whatever they
can spare, be it much or
little.
The Colorado statesman., 1917-07-28
About Glue.

Glue may be made waterproof by
soaking it In water till it becomes
Keep it in warm place till the re
manning water has evaporated.
The Colorado statesman., 1917-07-28
Curse of Modern Life.

To eat what you like, and all you
like, may be a merry life, but it will
be short one. The curse of modern
life is overfeeding.-Dr. Frank Crane.
The Colorado statesman., 1917-07-28
The Capitol
PETROLEUM co.

capital of 1O,O0O,OOO shares. Fully paid
and worcestershire.
OFFICERS AND DIRECTORS
HENRY L. HOLKENBRINK, Denver,
President.
Vice President and Manager of
the Guaranty Securities Co.
HOWARD KLUGH, Vice President.
President of State Mercantile
Bank.
H. A. CALVERT, Secretary.
Prominent Denver Attorney.
e. G.. HECKENDORF, Treasurer
Business man; 80 years with
large mercantile firm.
JOHN w. MCGEE, Geologist and
Field Manager.
Is years in oil fields of Oklahoma.
E. E. SARCHET, Director.
Successful Corporation Attorney.
The officers are bankers and busi-
ness men of high standing and repu-
tation for business honesty and integ-
rity, and could not afford to be asso-
ciated with any proposition that was
not substantial.
No salaries except to our Field
Manager.
The Colorado statesman., 1917-07-28

"S15-a-week stenographer
made a fortune on S100."
kansas City man invests
$4,000 and sells part of his
holdings for S5,000,000."
"St00 invested in Pinol
Oil Co. brought S10,S00."
"S100 invested in Imperial
Oil Co. brought $4,000"
"s100 invested in Lucille Oil
Co. brought SIG, 800"
"S1O0 invested in Central
Oil Co. brought S45,000."
Do you know that oil in
vestments offer the greatest
chance for wealth the people
of the United States have
ever had? Do you know that
more people will be made in
dependent and happy by in
vesting in oil this year than
ever before? Will you be one
of them? We are offering
you a chance.
The Colorado statesman., 1917-07-28

From the Navies of the world comes the cry 1or more
Gasoline and Fuel Oil .
From the vast army of business and pleasure automo
biles comes the cry for more Gasoline , r.
From the Farmers of all countries comes the cry lor
more Gasoline and Fuel to drive the tractors
From the Battling Armies of Europe comes the cry 1or
Gasoline ,,nr.
From our own dear Uncle Sam comes the cry for More
Gasoline
The Colorado statesman., 1917-07-28
That is Why Fortunes are Being Made and Will Be Made IN Oil
From Newspapers

"$15-a-week stenographer
made a fortune on S100."
The Richmond palladium and sun-telegram. [volume] (Richmond, Ind.) 1907-1939, 1917-11-24
WAITING AT THE CHURCH

In Southern town the principal
amusements of the colored popula
tion are usually Weddings and fun
erals. Recently the African Metha
dist preacher accosted one of the
brethren on the street and the fol
lowing conversation ensued:
Didn't see yO' at de weddin' las
night"
Nav, sub, didn't know dey wuz
one"
"Dey sho wuz, and fine one,
too. De chu'ch wuz dressed up
swell wild all dem nevergreens and
don'-you-forgit-mes'! and such like,
and all dem rushers had on day
long-tailed coats and rattan leather
shoes; and dem bridenaids wuZ
powerful stylish wild dem swishy
clothes an green eahbobs. An
man! dat bride wuz de mos ele-
CANT yaller gal whut seen in many
er day, wild long white trail and
one O. her mammy's lace curtains
pinned to her haid! She sho wuz!"
But, say" queried Brother Ras-
tus, ''yo amt said nothin' bout de
groom. How did ne look and whut
did he have on?"
A look of gloom oyerspread the
reverend's sleek countenance.
"Shucks, man, don you know
that low-down niger neveh did
show up!"
The Richmond palladium and sun-telegram. [volume] (Richmond, Ind.) 1907-1939, 1917-11-24
wlLLIe's FIRST LESSONS

What is a cat?
A cat is an animal with better
furs than mamma can afford
What is a dog?
A dog is a funny animal that
wears pants in the summer time
and none at all when it is freezing,
When cat and dog get together
how do they act?
Just like they are married.
See the cow?
What does the COW 10?
She gives milk,
Why does a COW give milk?
Because she does not know that
she can get eighteen cents quart
for it.
That's all for today--school's out.
The Richmond palladium and sun-telegram. [volume] (Richmond, Ind.) 1907-1939, 1917-11-24

country and they lived in town. She
aad Ejready arranged the table.
.Ehls is the was 1t was arranged, it
had four chairs set around neatly
and in the center was large dish
of fruit because the children were
fond of it, there was also turkey
at one end and a covered dish on
the right of the fruit. She had din
uer about ready at ten o'clock.
This Is what they had for dinner.
They had turkey, potatoes. gravy,
sbread and butter, fruit and many
other things that you get when you
children got there they rushed in
The Richmond palladium and sun-telegram. [volume] (Richmond, Ind.) 1907-1939, 1917-11-24
ELlMINAToR BUSTER

Two men were in dining car,
ordering breakfast The first one
said to the waiter:
George, you may bring me two
fried eggs, some boiled Virginia
ham, a pot of coffee and some
rolls"
"Yassa."
The other said:
You may bring me the same"
"Yassa." ......
The second man then called aft
er the waiter and remarked;
Just eliminate the eggs"
'Yassa." @.- ..'.
In a moment the waiter came
back.
"Scuse me, boss, bat just what
did you all say erbout dem aigs"
81 said just eliminate the eggs"
"Yassa." And he hurried again
to the tiny kitchen.
In another moment he came
back once more, leaned confident
ly and penitently over the table,
and said:
1--WE had a bad accident jest afo'
we leave de depot dis mornin'.
boss, an de deliminator done got
busted off right at de handle. VIII
you take 'em fried, as dis hyar
gemmen ?"-Christine Lewis, 6B
grade, Starr School. .....
The Richmond palladium and sun-telegram. [volume] (Richmond, Ind.) 1907-1939, 1917-11-24
A Dogs Thanksgiving

On Thanksgiving day there was q
big snowstorm. | heard a noise
and | looked out OF the door and ]
saw a big dog, ! let him in the
house He was very glad to get
in out of the storm.
gave him some turkey and he
ate II very fast. I made him bed
of soft carpet and he went to sleep
The next morning he went away.
but he had had his Thanksgiving
dinner and he was happy Dorothy
Orr, 5B, Baxter School.
The Richmond palladium and sun-telegram. [volume] (Richmond, Ind.) 1907-1939, 1917-11-24
THE BUG HOUSE

And what" asked the visitor of
the intelligent lunatic. who imagin-
ed he was poached egg what
seems to give the greatest hope to
the mild cases here?"
Well" said the nut, looking
around for piece OF toast so he
could sit down; "the fool questions
asked by some of our callers gives
us the hope that we amt so bad off
as we think"
The Richmond palladium and sun-telegram. [volume] (Richmond, Ind.) 1907-1939, 1917-11-24
THE POT CALLED THE KETTLE

A little boy IN the second grade
in the Colored Orphans home is 50
black that the other boys in his
room very aptly call him Mid
night" He doesn't resent the nick
name when he is in a good humor
But one morning Midnight was
peeved and when youngster only
a few shades lighter called him
Midnight he quickly retorted:
well, you amt got no room t.
talk. You're about half past II
yourself!"
The Richmond palladium and sun-telegram. [volume] (Richmond, Ind.) 1907-1939, 1917-11-24
HIS SMILE

f1t0 ombIG
He wasn't rich as dollars go,
He didn't have pile of dough-
He didn't own a motor car,
He couldn't often travel far,
He couldn't dress in 'costly style.
He Just possessed kindly smile,
He had happy sort of way.
Knew how to work, and how to
play;
And he respected women fair
And death with men upon the
square, -
And people thought him much
worth while
Because he had kindly smile.
You do not need a store of gold
The love of real friends to hold;
Be honest, boy, and kind, and true
And do the work you find to do;
Win openly and not by guile,
And folks will like you for your
smile.
The Richmond palladium and sun-telegram. [volume] (Richmond, Ind.) 1907-1939, 1917-11-24
PATRIOTIC BOY
DECORATES BOARD

All Garfield students who enter
room No 6 have tneir patriotic
souls thrilled at the sight of good
old Uncle Sam, and his two favor
ite nephews, Sammy and Jack, on
each side.
James Miner is the artist, and he
has completely filled the rear black
board with a crayon drawing of this
poster. 1t is done SO well that 1t
would attract the attention of any
one.
The Richmond palladium and sun-telegram. [volume] (Richmond, Ind.) 1907-1939, 1917-11-24
NOTICE TO EVERYBODY

Some people get the queerest
ideas in their heads! Someone got
it into her Cor his) head that the
Old Maids never got their lessons,
We would like to inform that per
son, whoever 1t is, that the Old
Maids generally know their lessons
as well as other people, all except
arithmetic, because the Old Maids
will have to admit they are ex
tremely dumb in arithmetic. But
no matter what people think, We
will continue our ways and our
corner as long as we want to BE-
Old Maids.
The Richmond palladium and sun-telegram. [volume] (Richmond, Ind.) 1907-1939, 1917-11-24
THE INVISIBLE FLAT.

Two wretChed trampS were
brought before a justice of peace.
Addressing the worse looking one,
the justice said
Where do you live?"
mo where"
And where do you live?" said
the justice to the other.
1--WE got the room just above
him."
The Richmond palladium and sun-telegram. [volume] (Richmond, Ind.) 1907-1939, 1917-11-24
WHAT A SHAME

Once there were three country
men driving to town, when they
noticed an interurban coming to-
wards them. One of the men was
SO afraid Of the horse that he got
out and walked all the way to town.
After he got there he found that
the horse had a sore on its back
and couldn't run away.-EdWard r.
The Richmond palladium and sun-telegram. [volume] (Richmond, Ind.) 1907-1939, 1917-11-24
sNlckERETTEs

An alien who wished to become a
citizen received form from the
naturalization clerk. 1t began:
Name? Born? Business?" When
handed back by the applicant the
blanks were filled out thus; Name,
Jacob Lekinsky; born, yes; bust
ness, rotten"
Recruiting Officer-"How about
joining the colors? Have you any
one dependent on your"
Motorist-"Have L? There are
two garage owners, six mechanics,
four tire dealers and every gaso-
line agent within radius of 1875
miles"
He had captured prisoner, and
while they waited for the escor, to
come up he said: Have " a
wife,"
"Nein," answered the German.
Miner" gasped the Tommy.
"Lumme! where's yer Iron Cross"
"Say, pop, does that boy stutter
like that all the time"
mo, sonny. only when he talks"
The Richmond palladium and sun-telegram. [volume] (Richmond, Ind.) 1907-1939, 1917-11-24
DISCOVERED!

you have a model husband"
said the lady who was congratulate
ing the bride.
The next day the bride bethought
her to look up the word model in
the dictionary and this is what she
found: Model, a small imitation
of the real thing"
The Richmond palladium and sun-telegram. [volume] (Richmond, Ind.) 1907-1939, 1917-11-24
MUST HAVE BEEN A DIRTY
BRAT INSTEAD OF A RAT

A girl was staying at her grand
mothers, when she was asked to
go upstairs and get shirt. When
she got upstairs she heard some
thing fall and she thought it was
rat So down stairs she came with
out looking behind her once.
When her aunt went up to see
what it was. she found pair of
black socks rolled up on the floor.
w.
The Richmond palladium and sun-telegram. [volume] (Richmond, Ind.) 1907-1939, 1917-11-24
NOT EXAGGERATED

Lawyer-How large were the
hoofs? We're they as large as my
feet or my hands?
Darby No, sab, they was jus
ordinary.sized hoofs, sab, - The
Harvard LampOon.
The Richmond palladium and sun-telegram. [volume] (Richmond, Ind.) 1907-1939, 1917-11-24
CHARLES MacLEONHARDT,
Editor-in-Chief

Huckelberry Finn, Associate Editor
Lucy Corntossel, Society Editor.
General Nuisance. Fighting Editor'
Uncle Ez Zarrow, Cartoonist.
Rastus Johnson, Sporting Editor
Matilda Ebbs, Movie Editor.
Katinka Zarrow, Scenic Artist.
The Richmond palladium and sun-telegram. [volume] (Richmond, Ind.) 1907-1939, 1917-11-24
QUITE so

I'VE nay live to see the airplane
In common everyday use like the
automobile"
Sure! But our chance of living
to see that will be better If we
leave the experimenting to other
people"
The Richmond palladium and sun-telegram. [volume] (Richmond, Ind.) 1907-1939, 1917-11-24
DUCKS RUN FROM WATER

/ went to the country on my va.
cation this summer. One day !
tried to put water on the ducks
Every time / threw the water on
them, the ducks would run. When
/ got through | was very vet
Stella Ebert, Hibberd School.
The Richmond palladium and sun-telegram. [volume] (Richmond, Ind.) 1907-1939, 1917-11-24
LISTEN, OLD MAIDS;
HISTORY REPEATS ITSELF

A lady complained that she had
been looking for her husband for
the last two years when an old
maid spoke up and said, That's
nothing, I've been looking for a
husband for twenty-five years and
have not found him yet"
The Richmond palladium and sun-telegram. [volume] (Richmond, Ind.) 1907-1939, 1917-11-24
KNIT OR NIT?

In Spokane, Washington, the
women asked the pastor Of the
church if they might knit during
service After thinking it over for
awhile, he said, Knit" but the
women wondered what that meant
to do. William Rindt.
The Richmond palladium and sun-telegram. [volume] (Richmond, Ind.) 1907-1939, 1917-11-24
THE INSIDE-oUT HOTEL
PUTS UP NEW RULES

Guests are requested not to speak
to the dumb waiter,
If the room gets too hot open
the window and see the fire escape.
Don't worry about paying your
bill, the house is supported by it's
foundation.
Guests who wish to do a little
driving will find the hammer and
nails in the cupboard.
n you're fond of athletics and
like good jumping, lift the mattress
and see the bed spring.
If your gas goes out, take a
feather out of the pillow; that S
light enough for any room,
The Richmond palladium and sun-telegram. [volume] (Richmond, Ind.) 1907-1939, 1917-11-24
NO NEED FOR HASTE

Mr.. Brown had queer dream
last night, my dear. | thought saw
another man running off with you.
Mrs. Brown-And what did you
say to him?
Mr. Brown asked him what h ?
was running for.
The Richmond palladium and sun-telegram. [volume] (Richmond, Ind.) 1907-1939, 1917-11-24
THE RICHMOND PALLADIUM. NOV. "a, 1917

the dining room and looked with
longing eyes at the table because
they were hungry after riding so
long Louise Krone, 6B grade Bax-
ter
The Richmond palladium and sun-telegram. [volume] (Richmond, Ind.) 1907-1939, 1917-11-24
HE ALMOST KNEW

"Why, We don't know a beech
from an elm. Don't We know any
trees at all?"
II know Christmas tree when
! see it, said the summer boarder,
"there's one over yonder."
The Richmond palladium and sun-telegram. [volume] (Richmond, Ind.) 1907-1939, 1917-11-24
IT'S BEST TO KEEP STILL

Judge: One year and $50 fine.
Prisoners Lawyer: l shah make
a motion to have that sentence re-
verSed.
Judge: All right. Fifty years,
and one dollar fine. Puck.
The Richmond palladium and sun-telegram. [volume] (Richmond, Ind.) 1907-1939, 1917-11-24
HlckSvILLE BREEZE

Published every week to tell al
most the truth, and lives up to Its
reputation. .....
The Richmond palladium and sun-telegram. [volume] (Richmond, Ind.) 1907-1939, 1917-11-24
THEY SAY OLD MAIDS
ARE NATURAL BORN
As "CAT-L0vERS =
OLD MAIDS CORNER

lie UOyS are JEALOUS HSy soy
that they are a whole lot better
than the girls. and that they want
whole weeks corner to them
selves. So just for amusement, and
to show them we really are very
generous creatures, we shall try to
humor them just. this once. But
here of late they have been SO re-
fined and polite that we may have
to finish up with girls.
Prof. Englebert has shown that
he can quarrel over something, We
know not what. But anyhow, IL
gives Dan Rost his chance.
The other day Uncle bud Kemper
was Caesar, and you know he was
killed. He lay there with his beau
tiful brown eyes closed while he
himself was as motionless as
stone lion, and it almost made the
audience week to look at him, the
scene was SO life-like.
But as the play went one. one
of the actors counldn't be found,
and the teacher asked who the
missing member was. So poor dead
Uncle Dud calmly opened his mouth
and said. Doe Fleming"
Reba Boggs, Juanita Vetmar and
some others, were showing their
patriotic loyalty to Garfield and the
city in general by attending the
Basket Ball game last Friday night
Daniel Rost entertains q certain
portion of the ga music class very
much wien he sings certain song
He holds his mouth open SO wide
that it seems as IL some germs
would certainly walk down with
perfect ease.
Happy Martin had the pleasure
OF showing a very gallant spirii
coming home from the Basket Bal
game the other evening.
Extra! Great excitement in girls
gym class! A boys cap was dis
covered hanging in the gym, and o,
course the Old Maids wondered to
whom it belonged.
The Richmond palladium and sun-telegram. [volume] (Richmond, Ind.) 1907-1939, 1917-11-24
YES. WE KNOW

Autumns on the way to greet us;
Silver threads among the gold.
With higher price the coal men
greet us
Darling | am growing old
The Richmond palladium and sun-telegram. [volume] (Richmond, Ind.) 1907-1939, 1917-11-24
THE WEATHER is PUNK"
BUT GOSSIP is WORSE

but GUSSIP Is WURSE
We do not wish to tire our pa
irons by telling them who are sick
this week; but all those who were
sick last week have somewhat inn
proved.
Rastus Johnson. one Of the col
ored help at the Vanity Fair Livery
Stable got married last week. The
girl he married was Sally Washing
ton and she is so black that the
lightning bugs follow her around in
the daytime. @...
Last week while Hiram Perkins
was over to the city he flirted with
a young lady, and not knowing she
was married was severely beaten
up by the lady's husband. A friend
asked Hiram if she had a wedding
ring on her finger, and he said.
"yes." Well" said the friend, chat
should have been enough to tell you
not to flirt with a woman that was
married" Well" said Hiram, lust
because a man smells like gasoline.
that's no sign he is an automobile,
is it.? ".-.
Old Syl Limberwust has accepted
a position as chamber maid at Ben
1. or hJn
We guess it is true about Hecktor
Briggs going to New York and fol-
lowed the elevated railway for sew
eral miles, thinking it was one OF
the longest bridges he ever saw,
and was determined to see the end.
Some one took pity on Heck and
told him 1t had no end.
An announcement in the Inside
Out Restaurant says, "Beanless
soup from now on" The way we
patrons have seen 1t, it always has
been beanless, and also hopeless"
said Jim Spivans.
Miss Bedelia Grisby who sings
at the All-In theatre sang Break
the News to Mother" by request
and she also stopped by request 1t
is reported.
Pete Simmons who works at the
old gristmill only has few min
utes to eat dinner and he says his
wife meets him at the door with
bowl of soup and squirt gun.
"Win the War in the Kitchen"
has been suggested as slogan for
people of our village. Glen Squash
by said, III anybody would snoop |
around some of the kitchens be- !
fore the man goes to work, and
after he comes home in the even
ing, they would see there's no use
in adopting any slogan that would
mean more encouragement" Glenn
also said, He's neutral. but ne
came very near getting into one
of the hardest fought battles in the
villages history, when he was pass
ing home trench yesterday
Women, will be women" said
Uncle Ez Zarrow yesterday when
his wife scolded him for not meet
ing her at the train. Ez said,
"meetless" day was resolution
passed by the married mems club.
HE ALMOST KNEW
The Richmond palladium and sun-telegram. [volume] (Richmond, Ind.) 1907-1939, 1917-11-24
SHOES BY THE FOOT.

How much are 81 shoes?" asked
smart one.
1.-TWO dollars foot was the
quick reply.
The Richmond palladium and sun-telegram. [volume] (Richmond, Ind.) 1907-1939, 1917-11-24

We do not wish to tire our pa
irons by telling them who are sick
this week; but all those who were
sick last week have somewhat i'm
proved.
The Richmond palladium and sun-telegram. [volume] (Richmond, Ind.) 1907-1939, 1917-11-24

Rastus Johnson, one Of the col
ored help at the Vanity Fair Livery
Stable got married last week. The
girl he married was Sally Washing
ton and she is so black that the
lightning bugs follow her around in
the daytime. .....-. ."..
The Richmond palladium and sun-telegram. [volume] (Richmond, Ind.) 1907-1939, 1917-11-24

If the room gets too hot open
the window and see the fire escape
The Richmond palladium and sun-telegram. [volume] (Richmond, Ind.) 1907-1939, 1917-11-24

Women, will be women" said
Uncle Ez Zarrow yesterday when
his wife scolded him for not meet
ing her at the train. Ez said, a
needless" day was a resolution
passed By the married mems club.