davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-10-03
LUKE M'LUKE SAYS

When the bride asks hubby what he did with that $10 bill he had the other day, the honeymoon goes down with q dull thud and takes the count.
 The most remarkable thing about some people is how long they can talk about nothing.
 It is strange how much bigger tho greatest show on earth was when you were a kid and it was smaller.
 You may have noticed that in the printed pictures of the male affinitiea who are shot by friend husband, there Is a great scarcity of side whiskers.
 A conclusion Is the only thing a woman can jump at without displaying her hosiery.
 In spite of the numerous advertise ments to the contrary, not one of our millionaires got that way by growing ginseng or mushrooms. or raising squabs
 Every time . man buys . new shirt he imagines that the factories in his country must turn out about W,6e, 4SS' lSs 694, ,352 pins an hour.
 If a woman had sense of humor she wouldn't get mad when her husband laughs when he looks at . photograph of the happy couple that was taken 20 years ago, an hour after the cers' mony. He is sitting down. looking Hk< . scared rabbit and she ip standing with one hand on his shoulder and an "I will protect you. never fear!' ex- pression on her map.
 The only women who are not inter ested in millinery openings and bar gain sales are the ones in the grave yards.
 Once in a while you will ret an ap- pie that tastes as good as it looks. But not very often.
 After man has been engaged to g girl for five or six years. he is as much henpecked as If he were married
 Men are just as vain as women. or g 1O-cent man would never pay 20 for an enlarged photograph of himself.
 Every now and then you will run into a big-mouthed man who will tell yot how much he despisep wealth. and whe will later on touch you for . quarter.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-10-03
Don t Hamper Work
 at Muscle Shoals

ID UMoRS were circulated in Bir- UN mingham yesterday that some of the owners of land which will be required by the government for the experimental nitrate plant at Muscle Shoals were putting too high figure on their property.
 After the effort and expense which have been incurred to get the govern ment to begin development of this great project it will be unfortunate if those who are to be most greatly benefited pursue short-sighted policy and thus endanger the future expansion here which is so much de- sired.
 Every man, woman and child in the Muscle Shoals vicinity should meet the government more than half way and should not only do nothing to dis courage the building of the plant, but, on the other hand, do everything pos $ ble to encourage it and get the work under way at the earliest practicable moment.
 No one should run the risk of "kill- ing the goose that laid the golden
The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-10-03
THE RILEY AMBULANCE

From the Cleveland Plain Dealer
 This month brings the sixty -fourtl anniversary of the birthday of Jame. Whitcomb Riley, poet and humanita rian, whose death in July, 1916. touche the heart of a saddened nation. Th birthday of the poet will be remem bered in his native state, and mors particularly in his home city, Indian apolis, in practical and eminently fit ting fashion. It is fashion that migh be expected to meet with Riley's cor dial approval could he know of hi friends loving intention.
 They mean to honor his. memory ans his character by purchasing an ambu lance in his name and fitting it ou with all needful appurtenances an sending it, at the request of the Ameri can Poets Ambulances in Italy to th' are said to be sorely needed. There i. will serve humanitys cause, embodyl ing in it's mission of mercy those gep3 tie and loving lessons which ths Hoosier's poets verse so freely con veys.
 As an admirer of Riley says, IN American poet has given more ade quate expression to the pathos of war, and the committee in charge of sh birthday testimonial adds: "To ds honor to Riley at any time would b paying a part of debt of affectio and gratitude, but to assist in thi great cause of caring for the#wounde and dying on the battle field in tn name of the dead poet whose hear overfiowed with love for humanity, i a two-fold privilege"
 The Riley ambulance, planned in thi spirit and backed by this devotion should prove power for good.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-10-03
FORESIGHT.

teaches people how to remember"
 "Is he pretty good?'
 q guess so, but he doesn't seem to have much confidence in his methods"
 How is that?"
 T notice he makes his students pay him in advance, so there will be no chance for them to forget to do it after they finish
The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-10-03
MATERIAL AT HAND.

You must have a keen sense of humor if you can find anything to laugh at in that railroad time table,"
 Not at all The names of some of the stations along this route would make the fortune of librettist if he would use them in a musical comedy"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-10-03
soLAcE.

These brisk and breezy mornings Give life an added zest, But when tn alarm clocks ringing One hates to leave his rest And venture forth and shiver
 While lathering his face, And take the needle shower
 And feverishly race To get some breakfast swallowed And catch an early car, Yet all's forgot when puffing
 Te matutinal cigar.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-10-03

BEGINNING THE DAY-I would have my heart open at all times 10 receive-at morning, noon anu night; in spring and summer an" winter. Whether Thou cOmest to me in sunshine or in rain. I would take Thee into my heart joyfuiiy. Ihou art Thyself more than the sunshine; Thou art Thyseif compensation TOT the rain; 1t is Thee and not Thy gifts | crave; knock and l shall open unto Fhee.-MathesOn.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-10-03
EXCUsABLE.

EXCUSABLE,
 Those Dubwaites put on great many same cook for more than 20 years.'' There are some forms of vanity I can condone," replied MT. Glithersby, "and keeping the same cook for more than 20 years is one of them."
The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-10-03
Alabama soldiers We'll

"On my visit to New York I went out to Camp Mills, near Mineola. l.. l., to see Berney Loveman," said Max Sommers. and was glad to Ind him fully recovered from the operation which he recently underwent here in Birmingham at St. Vincent's hospital He is with the famous Rainbow divis ion. All of the regiments are on tip toes to go to France. I was glad to find our Alabama boys we'll and in fine spirits
The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-10-03

small crop this year-about 100000 bales-but it will bring as much money or more than when the crop was of normal size.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-10-03
Crumpton Hears of Big Crops

"I just ran up for a short visit to
 my daughter, Mrs. J. M. Shelburne, at East Lake" said Dr. w. E. Crumpton, president of the Anti-Saloon league of Alabama and known as the Old Tenn
 perance Warhorse.- T am going to a
 number of Baptist associations trying
 to stir the people up on the question
 of missions and education and tenn
 hear of good crops. The Lord has rich : fly blessed the people of Alabama and
 they ought to be liberal in supporting His work"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-10-03
ADRIFT WITH THE TIMES
A RECKLESS WAITER

How will you have your egs, sir?'
 Whats the cheapest way they served here?' "Addled, sir I'm quitting tonight
The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-10-03
LABoR1oUs EFFORT.

LABORIOUS EFFORT. Amy man who goes to matinees lays himself open to the suspicion of not be- ing hard worker"
 ''Nonsense,'' replied MT. Twobble "The hardest work I ever did in my life was escorting my wife to an Ibsen matinee
 PAUL COOK. k
The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-10-03

This tyrant, whose sole name biis- ters OUT tongues, was once thought honest. -Macbeth'
The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-10-03
OUTT.AwED

From the Chicago Herald.
 LaFollette insists he stands for the people in spite of the plain evidence that the people won't stand for him,
The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-10-03
C1s,sIb eMlAas.sG.
HOT TIME FOR NOTHING

From the Louisville Courier Journal.
 Shadrach. Meshack and Abednigo were spared the ordeal. of shaking down the furnace at dawn and figuring on the cost of the days run.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-10-03
prBLIc CHARACTERs.

He's always in the public eye, Though never in the daily news; The whole world looks as he goes by He wears a pair of squeal1y shoes.
 w. Kee Maxwell, Akron Times. Another man I plainly see, And in his chair I'd put a tack, Whenever he comes up to me He always slaps me on the back.
 Peoria Journal, He's always in the public eye And often on the public's neck; We've often thought we'd like to try To break the auto speeders neck.
 Youngstown Telegram. And oftentimes we've wished that he To earthly life had ne'er been born, Who burns the boulevards at A. M and loudly toots his horn.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-10-03
Peanut Prices Soaring

Take the little peanut. so long de- spised, and looked upon as a joke; now it's the favorite nut. parched or made into peanut butter. and it's soaring sky high" said J. l.. Massey, who makes a speciality of peanut sand wiches and candies. Last season I got
 sacks of peanuts at s4.75 that am paying this season $1s3S plus freight and drayage from New Orleans, amounting to $10s. It has practically
 put me out of the jobbing business and
 I am largely relying on my home trade here for orders. Then observe the pecan
 that is fast coming into it's own. A year ago I was paying s2 cents per
 pound for the same grade that is now costing 72 cents. But I believe the big gest gouge is the rise in glucose from between and 3 cents last season to between and 8 cents a pound at the present prices But I suppose John D. needs the money and what's the use kicking%
The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-10-03
Washington Bureau. 2o7 Hibbs Build

Washington Bureau. 2o7 Hibbs Build ing.
 European bureau. Henrietta street, Covent Garden. London.
 Eastern business office. Rooms AS to 50, inclusive, Tribune Building, New York city; western business othlce' Tribune BuMiing, Chicago. The ;. V, Beckwith Special Agency. agents Tor foreign advertising. S~~~~~>~
 Member of the Associated Press
 The Age-Herald is the only morning and Sunday newspaper in Birmingham carrying the Associated Press ois- patches.
 The Associated Press is eXclusiveIy entitled to the use for republlcatloh of all news credited to it or not -her- wise credited in this paper and aIso the local news published herein.
 All rights of republication of spe- cial dispatches herein are also re- served
The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-10-03
ACCORDING TO HOOVER

From the Pittsburg Dispatch.
 More hogs on the farm and fewer at the table is Hoover'S idea.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-10-03
NO ATEDDY" LETTERS

NO "TEDDY" LETTERS From the Washington Star.
 The willy and Nicky'' correspond ence makes 1t matter of satisfaction that the Kaiser never got well enough acquainted with Roosevelt,
The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-10-03

Entered at the Birmingham, Ala'' postoffice as second class matter un- der act of Congress, March $. 4S'S' ~~~~~-~~~~~-~~~~~~~~~-7~>> Daily and Sunday Age Herald, year Se'Svo S.So Daily without Sunday .....-ss,.-' 0'oo eo Daily and Sunday, per month'' Dailv ana snndav. three months. 200 Sunday Age-Herald. per annum. z.gV Weekly Age Herald, per annum.' '-' --~-0-~-~-~~~-~~0~~~-- v V v No communication will be puoilsheo without it's authors name. Re1eete" manuscript will not be returned uhless stamps are enclosed for that purpose Remittances can be made at curTell, rate of exchange. The Age-HeraId VIII not be responsible for money sent through the mails. Address,
 THE AGE-HERAL.b,
 Birmingham, Ala
The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-10-03
He's always in the public eye
sPEAKING THE TRUTH

When do you want me to come back? asked the pestiferous bill collector. ,Im a truthful man. replied MT. Jib way.
 "Yes, sir
 "wouldn't hurt your feelings if an swered. 'Never?"'
The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-10-03
IN HOTEL LOBBIES
 AND ELSEWHERE
Sandwiches for Veterans
Tax Collector Has New System

An entire new system of bookkeep- ing has been installed in the tax coll lector's office of Jefferson county" said James F. Hawkins, who assumed his of- lice as tax collector on the first.
 In planning the new system the con venience of the public as well as the efficiency in handling the public moneys was taken into consideration.
 II believe the county has outgrown the old system. and under this new plan all tax receipts are made out and placed on file prior to October 1 or each year. When a property owner desires to pay his taxes the file clerk immediately locates the made out re- ceipt and hands it to the cashier, who records it paid, collects the taxpayers money and the transaction is closed so far as the taxpayer is concerned This method, 1t is believed, will greatly ex- pedite the work of the office and prove of great convenience to the public.
 When it is understood that the of- flee will handle more than 10000 as- sessments and collect approximately $4,000,O00, some idea of the amount of work can be understood"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-10-03
Rotari.n Predict. Great Game

Rotarian Predicts Great Game
 The people of Birmingham are go- ing to have a rare chance on Thursday afternoon to see some classy ball." said Joe Rosenberger, the Rotarian fan. We have been having some great practices getting in shape to play the Kiwanis braves. I hit out a hot liner about 10 days ago and Speedy Estes, in trying to outdo Ty Cobb, made a high dive and lost his balance and fell on his side, breaking some of his slats, but, being in the lumber business, will have them patched up in time for the game. We are expecting big crowd at Rick wood park because the Boys club needs the money and because we are going to give our friends their moneys worth in stunts and ball"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-10-03

The church had been decorated with golden rod and autumn leaves and look ed very much like setting for a Thanks giving service. The sunlight came streaming through the stained glass win dows sprinkling the seats with specks Of gold. The music led by MT. Jelks, the singer, was anything but professional, and therefore attractive. The selections were old time hymns, the kind men like to sing.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-10-03

But I am rambling I sat down to write about the revival services. It was of the South Highland Methodist church. I had often wondered how 1t was ar- ranged, as it's exterior reminded me of q mosque. I found it an attractive audi torium. but it seemed to me the acoustics were defective. I noticed 1t and so did pr. Frank Hall Wright, the Indian evan gelist, or would have attributed it to myself and not the building.
Rock Island Argus., 1917-12-11

Dancing at Coliseum tonight.
Rock Island Argus., 1917-12-11
GOVERNMENT WANTS
TO BORROW GLASSES

Charles MacGowan, president Of the
TriCity Federation OF Labor, has re-
revived from the Illinois state Council
of Defense am appeal to use his ef-
forts i'm inducing citizens Of this com
mHty To loan their spyglasses. binoc
Hrs and telescopes to the United
aDes government Those who have
glasses they would be willing to loan
are requested to forward them to
Secor Cunningham, fifth tioor, l20
West Adams street Chicago. in the
letter that has been received by Mr.
MacGowan ii IFS stated,
"Our lenses iu the past have come
chiefly from abroad and no more can
be obtained from that source. Amerj-
can manufacturers cannot meet the
demand due TO The present emergency.
"The reason for the demand is evil
dent our navy has been greatly en-
larged. loOk-outs on all ships have
been doubled, and it is impossible to
Rock Island Argus., 1917-12-11
PROPERTY HOLDERS NOTICE.
Con Na 9-1

Notice is hereby given to all per
sons interested that the council OF the
city Of Rock Island. Illinois, having
ordered the construction Of sewers on
certain streets and avenues and the
construction of a sewage treatment
plant, etc. and the assessment for the
same having heretofore been filed ana
confirmed herein, and the certiflcste
Of the cost Of said improvement hled
herein on December !. 1917, showing
deficit in the amount Of said assess
ment in the sum of 81 1853, the court
on said date ordered the amount of
said deficit be apportioned upon the
property assessed herein, in manner
as provided in said ordinance, and or
dered the commissioners heretofore
appointed to make and file herein a
supplemental assessment.
A hearing will be had on the con-
tirmation Of the said supplemental as
sessment and on the said certificate OF
costs. to consider and determine
whether or not the facts stated in said
certificates are true, on the Gath day
of December, A. D. 1917, at 3 o'clock
a. m.
( Ali persons desiring may file objec-
tions in said court, before sadi day, to
either said certificate of costs, or said
supplemental assessment, and may ap'
pear on the hearing and make theii
defense,
J Rock Island. H., Dec. Z. 1917
( WM. M'CONOCHIE,
/ N. c. SCHAFFER.
JOHN SCHEUEBMANN,
Commissioners.
WM. MC0N0CHGE,
y. JUHL.
NJ. T. RUDGREN,
i JOHN LIEDTkE,
JOHN MURRIN.
Board OF Local Improvements
Rock Island Argus., 1917-12-11
TO FORCE PEORIA
MAN into COLORS
Grover Wood Fails to Report Here for
Army Service After Deserving
His Family.
WAS WORKING At THE ARSENAL
Also Charged With Living with An
ether Woman al Hotel In Moline
and Beating Gr0eers.

Grover E. Wood, aged IS, charged
with being deserter from the new
national army, was arrested this
morning at the corner OF Sixteenth
street and Second avenue by Oftlcer
Charles Ginnane.
The police had been looking for
Wood for several days, on advice OF
B. d. Connolly clerk Of the local ex-
emption board. Wood registered IN
der the draft law at his home in Peo-
ria ON June s. Later he came to Rock
Island and secured employment with
the Stone & Webster Engineering COM
pany at the Rock Island arsenal. His
case was then transferred to the 10
cal board. He presented himself for
examination here, passed the physical
test and was accepted for service.
! He claimed exemption on the
grounds of having a wife and two
children dependent on him III Peoria.
| The local board investigated and found
/ that he had deserted his family COM
! ing to Rock Island without providing
for them. When the last increment
was called for active service, Wood
failed to present himself. Since then
the board had been on a lookout for
him
The police learned that he had been
staying at 251Sh Fifth avenue. o.
late, however, he had roomed at the
Cottage hotel in Moline, where is il
claimed, he was living with another
woman He was also associating witt
other people of questionable charac
ter, it is claimed Wood also left sew
eral grocery bills unpaid in this city
police said.
To 90 To Camp Dodge.
Being of shiftless character tn
board decided that army life would b
the best for him and he was accepte'
for service with consent of his wife
who will now receive the largest par
iof his pay from the government Woo
probably will be taken 10 Camp Dodg
late this afternoon or tomorrow morn
ing under direction of the local boart
Rock Island Argus., 1917-12-11

navigate vessels or detect submarines
without these instruments. and they
cannot be bought In sufficient num-
bers.
Our navy department has therefore
appealed 10 the citizens Of the state
of Illinois through the State Council
OF defense. to contribute their spy
glasses, binoculars and telescopes.
The ordinary opera glass is not ade-
quate for marine servicei.
Your glasses are to be borrowed,
not begged. The navy department
will tag all instruments loaned and
at the end OF the war will return the
glasses to the owner, provided, OF
course, they have not been destroyed
or lest, aud your glasses by detecting
submarine may save an American
troop ship. bearing thousands oil
American soldiers"
Rock Island Argus., 1917-12-11
NEW PUMP TRIED;
is SATISFACTORY
Additional NaterWurks Equipment
WIN Care iOr Ci,y's Needs Ter
Years t0 tome.
MAINTAINS An EVEN PRESSURE
LATEST Machine 10 Be Installed Has
Capacity oi Three Million Gal
ions Per Day.

- a. .gG Gou c,1t,,t ,,,,,,,,, l
l. .'-; ,..., $50 p'a,i,p ,'l-.lp'
Fi''l la P- y,,ii u-a., 80 ~, Us - o'44
,nt a-' , ..ei.a .g 5aii@ored noro ~. u, IT,
ii' '.'t ~ 80 - a., 49,, Q- ,s. - = -
asp.'-' -,.,-.. - a' 5sra,,tr,, ,t.'
LeI4'' 90. '... .' TX, s,,.ar,e erI e'-.'o', ,a
o, ''.'''' 80 -, - - '''iu
u'd Nl''' Ian was 'slu.i'u '.,,.I. VI ~
p'o.'"' .o.', aS pa. D." 1sIarI 80,
,' -... -.ia5 M - n,,r,ai, ,p',I oo,in ,,G"
amp ,,. ,,.sr,.o,,l'g l','' sgstan1 xxx tpr
H,.. w.. ..-s .. w. cnr,o W. '' a,rordjng ~
,..-.r-.. .,orsr ,Iurrin The nunning
.arou AT the reservoir is now equip
roI with tWo 5000 600 gallon pumps,
bon u excellent conditions. These
pr9Iu. are worked alternately.
Hr.ora ,rc newest pump was re-
,e.gr8 a one and oue-half million gal
I'm pgmu was used alternately with
aa old three million gallon pump.
Thts Bump did not prove adequate on
sI 9.r7sI01s The one and one-half
,.ll..r GALLON ppmp has been installed
anil +. now fn operation at the pump
fa s,srtor M Fortv-secgnd avenue
and twelfth street. caring for the
Firr aorrira I'm the vicinity of the
V5.ra Tower As result the Watch
Tower has 8s high p -essure as any
qsry.re 'n the rltv The two pumps at
Rock Island Argus., 1917-12-11

Cures Colds in Mexico
LAXATIVE BR0MO QUININE tablets
remove the cause E. w, GROVES
signature on box. 30c.
Rock Island Argus., 1917-12-11
Lieut.. Borzecki.

lieut.. Borzecki is one Of the new
faces" in the French aviation corps.
He is one Of the many Polish volun-
teers now fighting with the allies.
Rock Island Argus., 1917-12-11

avenue with asphaltic concrete from
Thirty eighth To Fortr-fifth streets.
and said certificate also shows the
court costs. the amount uf accrued
interest anu tae total amount OF said
assessment ami said certificate also
states that the said Improvement con-
forms substantially TO the require
ments of the original ordinance for
the construction of the same, as re-
Rock Island Argus., 1917-12-11
uRY FREES KILLER.

Dubuque, Iowa, Dec. ia coro-
ner's jury which investigated the
death Of Clarence Hird, 81, who died
Sunday from injuries received in n
fistic encounter in East Dubuque late
Saturday night, exonerated Cornelius
Werner Of this city. The jury found
that Werner struck Hird in self-de-
fense. Wesley Luke, held as wit
ness, was released.
Rock Island Argus., 1917-12-11
PRoPERTYH0LDERS' NOTICE.

NSHtIfLt INDs TT.
Notice Is hereby given to all per
sons interested. that the board of To-
cal improvements Of the city of Rock
island, Ill, has filed in the county
court of Rock Island county a Ger
tifcate Of the cost OF the improvement;
entitled in said court, In re petition
of the city Of Rock Island, ILL.,, to as
sess the cost Of the paving Of Sixth
Rock Island Argus., 1917-12-11

fourth day of December. A. D.. 1911.
WILLIAM M'CONOCHIk.
NJ. T. RuDGREN.
Y. JuHL,
JOHN MURRIN,
JOHN LIEDTKE.
Board OF Local Improvements OF the
City of Rock Island. Ill.
Dancing at Coliseum tonight
Rock Island Argus., 1917-12-11

auired by law. and that nnal hearing
on said certificate will be had on the
18th day Of Deeemb,c, a. b.. 1917
at 3 o'clock a. m, or rs soon there
after as the business OF the court
viii permit All persons desiring ma
hle objections IN said court before
said day and may appear on the hear
ing and make their defense
Dated al Rock Island. Ill, this
Rock Island Argus., 1917-12-11
NOTIcE TO CONTRACTORS.

Bids will be received, Q a. m. Dec.
II. for constructing watermains in w
c. Smiths addition.
WILLIAM M'CON0CHlE,
Mayor.
Rock Island Argus., 1917-12-11

LAXATIVE BROMO QUININE tablets
remove the cause. E. W, GROVES
signature on box j0c
Rock Island Argus., 1917-12-11

Dancing at Coliseum tonight
Dancing at Coliseum tonight
Evening public ledger. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1914-1942, 1917-03-24
Cold Brutality

Miss Footlight-I have here a Ger.
tificate from doctor to the effect
that I can't sing tonight.
The Manager-Why go to all that
trouble? I'll give you a certificate
that you never could sing.
Evening public ledger. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1914-1942, 1917-03-24
Surprised
The Passing SHOW.

BERTHE (whose motor has broken
down and who Is compelled to ride In
a trolley)-Bah Jove! I had no idea
these affairs were so popular
Judge.