The Washington herald., 1917-04-02
New York, Day by Day
By o. o. MCINTYRE.

STeciaI Correspondent Of The Washington Herald
New York, April when Michael
Ganlock was stricken with what the poor
suffering mortal sense told him was an
acute attack of neuralgia the other day
in his home he might have known better
than to send his cousin. Simon WARRIOR.
out to telephone for doctor. No good
could possibly ever come of 1t.
Simon had never used telephone and
in fact wouldn't have known one II 1t
slapped him in the face. Telephones
meant nothing in his drab life. He ar
rived in this country about two weeks
ago in the basement Of a vessel and az
he explained to those who were patient
enough to listen he doesn't know any
thing.
His suffering cousin told Simple Simon
TO go .s t" thai Tas on and afs bapsa ad sst
sccordingIy. The druggist was to call
up the physician with a nickel which was
placed in the center Of simon's hand.
Here is a closeup of what happened
to simon. Lost the paper. Kept the
nickel. Got to the corner. Apparently
went mad in front of a fire alarm box.
Snapped at it several times and some
neutral who could not understand him
turned in the alarm. Simon gave him
the nickel for his trouble. Then they
both waited.
Ten minutes elapse) Up came the fire
engines with their snorting machines ana
everything. Simon lost all sense OF pro-
portions and made the two blocks to his
sick friends home in practically nothing.
The firemen trailed him there and after
they had told him what they thought OF
him and the place he ought to 60 where
he would need even more fremen, the
sick friend raised up on his elbow and in
p sarcastic wall finished the picture.
simon admits this country is quite ex-
citing.
After driving nearly everybody in Chi
cago silly the Jazz Band craze has hit
New York The Jazz Band is composed
of all brass instruments and will drive a
lot of banjoists and ukulala players out
of jobs.
The first Jazz Band appeared in New
Orleans In Chicago they have Jazz hats.
Jazz soda water. Jazz shoes and Jazz
cigars. Because 1t was so popular in
chicago, bIase New York didn't like to
now there are about ten Jazz Bands in
town.
Leon Fatow. always on the hunt Of a
new idea for a song. wrote a song called
Everybody Loves a Jazz Band" two day!
after the craze hit town, and he seems tC
be the only person who is profiting fnan
cialIy by the innovation.
veracity seems to mean nothing in th'
life of Earl Carroll, the one-fngered com
poser, for he insists this story is th'
essance of truth. 1t occurred while h
was out on the Coast last autumn con
cocting a play or two in spare moments.
During the bathing season youngste
got out beyond his depth. stalwart life
guard jumped in and dragged him out
The child was resuscitated and the guar
retired to the shade to regain his breath
A stern-faced father found him there
say" he said. ARE you the fellow tina
saved my boys life a little while ago?"
II am, SIR the guard returned. risin
to his feet and trying to look unassumint
well" raped. the other and h
manner grew suddenly belligeren
where IL ~ cap?'
I The Eternal Triangle-a man, a woma
and a trousers pocket-is again to tn
fore. The question was whether the vii
mad a right to take the money out {
bubby's Jeans while he slept. The magi
trate held that she had II hubby wa
sffnRy.