The Birmingham age-herald., 1917-02-25
THE STRANGE ADVENTURES OF ORLANDO
 PERKINS IN THE CITY OF MUCH CONTENTION

The north wind blew, and the chill rain
 fell,
 And still Orlando paced the street; And still no place to lay his head
 And still no bite to eat. The weather and the lack of food
 Combined to get Orlandos goat; Pneumonia stretched threatning hand,
 And took Orlando by the throat.
 CANTo III < Summoned by some kindly soul
 Who'd found Orlando on the street, The city doctor felt his pulse,
 And asked him what he'd had to eat.  And while he thumped Orlando's chest Ca
 And took his respiration And tried to do his level best,
 There suddenly was consternation. Orlando weakly raised his eyes
 To see what caused the row; Another doctor thumped his chest;
 And felt his burning brow. Doc Number One called Number Two
 Names quite too numerous to mention, While poor Orlando wept anew
 The bone of their contention. ''Mis carbureter's out of whack," Said Doctor Number One. "You're nothing but common quack- His magneto is on the bum." Thus parried Doctor Number Two, And said: I'm going to operate. There's not a thing for you to do- vamocse. The hour is growing late!"
  But Number One refused to go, Said he: Though I don't want to, If you attempt to operate, I'll get a quo warranto; "As I have told you many times, This case belongs to me; I am the city's health man, As pretty soon you'll see; "Your jurisdiction don't extend To cases in the city; Now, get And quick about it. friend This case excites my pity Then answered Doctor Number Two, ''I'm grateful for your bounty; But though this case is in your town, Your town is in my county; i@As I'm the county health man, This man belongs to me; ou'd better hump yourself, and quick; Now, scat. while I count three.' And while the doctors argued
 About it and about The hand of Death descended, And snuffed Orlando's spirit out CANTO ". And when the doctors found that Fate Had hushed Orlando's breath, TT .l- b; tr,f he To tell him of the death. Docs Number One and Number Two Did soon the corners office hit; But there they found two coroners, And each one said, I'm it!' Docs Numbe CT One and Number Two To Doctor Number Two! (But before I make my full reporD Which one of you is you?" 1 Then answered both the coroners, "Its me you must report to- While Doctor Number Two cried out, Injunction I'll resort to.' Then believed Doctor Number One, 1 Don't heed that ignoramus, | Unless you my report accept, I'll get out a mandamus." And thus the four Of them did Jaw, And poor Orlando all forgot, While each insisted, T am it, And each one said, 'You're not" And all this time Orlandos corpse Was lying in the street. The day was cold and rainy It soon began to sleet. A crowd of student medicos Came by and glimpsed the stiff Its dark they whispered, No one knows, He's dead: so what's the diff?' Thus perished poor Orlando, | And none his dirge to sing; He lived sans food, sans money, And died-sans everything! CANTO V. Gabriel in shining garments, M
 Throwing the pearly gates agape, Called out, Orlando Perkins!- A victim of red tape!'' And as Orlando tuned his harp, And donned his raiment regal, He knelt and breathed fervent prayer, ,, Thank God At last I'm legal"