The Hays free press. [volume] (Hays, Kan.) 1908-1924, 1917-10-27

persens1dveneSs he puts fictitious val
ues on points where she is deficient
and his tolerance fades into positive
neglect. He may then devote his
whole time to finer minds, fairer faces
drift apart, no one can tell.
1t may be that it is the wife who
| advances mentally, and he who is the
laggard- The increased prosperity
may mean close confinement for him
to the druCgery Of business. The so
ciety OF few old friends, survivaIs OF
the time when he was poor and strug-
CLING, may be all he cares for. Litera-
ture may not appeal to him. His daily
paper supplies all his needs. The &C
tivities Of the world OF modern science,
thought and culture have for him no
real interest. His wife, left free TO
the rounding out OF her mind and life,
may develop a taste for reading, for
cOmpaniOnship that is mentally worth
having, for original thinking, for the
charm of true conversation, for the
discussion of subjects of real impor-
lance. She may gather around her a
circle Of friends who feed her mental
hunger and stimulate her thinking. He
feels vaguely out of place with these
new friends of hers, like a poor rela-
ton at a Christmas dinner.
She has found her way into the land
of the intellectual and has established
a residence there, while he, in his
loneliness and isolation, is camping on
its frontiers. He feels somewhat a
stranger in his own house at social
gatherings of her friends. He may
chafe under the feeling that he is on
the wrong side of the proscenium
arch that he is not one of the per-
formers, but merely a spectator. He
longs to cut out all this heavy intel
lectuaI business and go off quietly
with a friend or two and just sit, and
talk, and smoke.
This growing apart mentally may
assume any of Il hundred phases. Hus-
band and wife may be subjected to
any class of differing environments
that change their mental standpoint
and their moral sympathy. New ideas
and new ideals may sweep old land
marks of mutual understanding far out
to sea. It is a sad outgrowing of a
union Of love and companionship, a
growing unsatiSfiedneSS where speech
that meets no sympathetic response
lapSeS into silence. When sympathy
and recognition of ones ideals are
found only outside the home walls,
when the instructive impulse to tell of
a success or a failure turns to some
one else, when ears grow hungry for
outside praise, there is serious danger
to the happiness of married life.
1t is so easy to keep together if both
realize the vital Importance to all that
is sweetest in life in keeping in step,
in true comradeship. Talking over
the affairs of their individual lives
and their life in common, the hopes,
the IOngings, the doubts, the joys and
the problems, gives each the basis Of
knowledge from which most truly to
understand and advise each other.
Reading the same books, discussing the
same current events, hearing the same
music, seeing the same plays, criticiz-
ing the same pictures, having dearest
friends in common, agreeing on the
same spiritual and ethical attitude to-
wards life, and sharing in thoughts
and plans will do much towards MAX
ing a growing apart mentally an i'm
possibility.
This keeping in step does not mean
the sacrifice of the stronger to the
weaker, but the stronger ever, through
love, raising the weaker to higher
planes of thinking and living. 1t is
not necessary that they should even
agree as to the value of each others
pursuits or views, but that both should
know them, understand them and re-
spect them and be lovingly tolerant
where they are not united in their SEN
timent or desires. They should give
ever their best to each other.
When the husband is a clever, de-
lightful companion at some one else's
dinner-table, but sad, still-life' study
in silence at his own, he is not giving
his best at home. He is retaining his
best for the export trade and reserv-
ing none for home consumption. When
the wife has charity, consideration and
sympathy for the cares of others out
side the home, and only sharpness and
sarcasm for those inside, the time
table of that home requires instant
revision or there will be a crashing
disaster to their train Of happiness.
Sources of discord multiply like Aus
tralian rabbits when the growing apart
intensifies. 1t is the sacred duty of
both to prevent it at the very begin
ming, to determine that they will per-
nit no thoughtlessness. no drifting, no
false sense of duty to family or to the
world, to separate them from each
other.