The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1917-09-26
Were You Late for Work.

No wonder people are kicking about
the car service In Washington. If
George Hawkins keeps on stealing
bolts from the railway company, 1t
won't have anything to pin its rolling
stock together with.
George bolted down Georgia avenue
with a sack full OF bolts. The rail-
way company was rich. and 1t
wouldn't miss a few little things,
George thought. Besides, somehpIy
had left the tool house door open.
Ali the time a Sherlock Holmes was
looking. George didn't know 1t until
he felt a tug at his shoulder. He
thought the sack was slipping. 1t
wasn't. He was slipping himself. And
he had the nerve to tell the Judge
he was afraid the bolts might find
their way into Germany and help
kaiser Bill hold his throne. The court
didn't think so. and sent George down
to see Mr.. Whitaker for four months
He will go on the same train as the
"suffs."
Imagination q Great Thing.
Monday afternoon Oscar johnson
stopped in front of the auto supply
store Of Isaac Lewis, on Seventh
street. He priced a tire. 1t cost S35.
But what In the name of the Great
Jumping Peanut did he want with a
tire? He's got no auto. He couldn't
even buy a spark plug.
It's great to have a good ina gina
ton. But $35 was SO much money to
fork up for a round piece Of rubber.
Isaac's prospects Of having an auto
some day fell fiat. Oscar grabbed
tIa he
ought to have tires at two for a
nickel.
'.Mein Colt, 1t cand't be did" said
Isaac;>" would lose mine money II l
sold dot tire for a nickel"
Down the street Oscar dragged the
storekeeper, cussing and raising lot
of disturbance. Oscar drew his knife
and told Isaac to draw up his will.
Isaac hollered murder" and a cop
ran up.
And Oscar is a deacon in a church!
With all due respect to a certain
BAPTIST church, we do say that II
ought to get next to Oscar. Judge
Pugh is next to him. He fined him SO.
The Millennium Is Here.
Hooray, Hooray. let's all go out
and have a glass of soda.
At last the poor. down-trodden,
hen-pecked son-of-a-gun of a mar
ried man has gotten a little sym
pathy.
It's almost too good to be true.
but just pry open your ears and
listen:
Bob Leonard's wife said he beat
her with a broomstick. She, in
turn. painted him as black as the
ace of spades. He is a super-vil-
lain, according to her. who does things
that would put a Prussian to shame.
1t looked awfully black for Bob
for few minutes. Then Bob
got on the stand. The Judge listen
ed very carefully. Bob called some
witnesses. They told something's
about "the missus" and complete
ly reversed the courts opinion.
The court sympathized with Bob.
and he was set free.
Vengeance FIunked.
mo sab. boss. All never steals
chickens" Fred Joyce, charged with
lifting eight of them from Morris
Katz. Morris told the court that
someone backed a wagon up to the
rear of his store and drove away
with eight live fowls. Somehow or
other the crime was fastened on
Fred.
A long time ago Fred used to
keep company with a young wom-
an. They say he was quite liberal
with his money. Her folks liked
him.
But he married another woman.
And so Fred got in trouble be-
cause a certain family living near
Katz's store was deprived of some
cash-at least that is what he told
the court.
Fred had ample proof that he
was in the police court at the time
of the theft. Therefore. how in the
blazes could he be in two places
at the same time.
His wife took the stand and told
all about the Jealous woman. "she
beat out" when she married Fred.
and how the latter. to get even, put
the cops on Fred.
Vengeance didn't work out like
the other woman planned it because
she had pictured the man who jilt-
ed her as already in Jail.
The court failed to see 1t the
same way and let Fred go.
The chickens are still missing.
Ever See Onef
Harry Jefferson Is what you call
4 real honest-to-goodness sport. How
he does it we don't know. He wears