The Washington herald., 1917-09-16
h Good Morning, Judge
Kyl Human Interest Stories of By
+ w Police Court Happenings. NSahss PERKINS


said he was a rummy. Joe fought shy
of Harry and Harry demanded the
reason. Joe told him. Harry went
to the alleged tale carrier and the
man denied 1t. Back to Joe he went,
mad enough to bite him in two.
Joe didn't know for two whole days
what hit him. The doctors and nurses
were all very kind to him and when
the left he kissed one of the nurses.
He really did. Harry. like all of his
kind, hangs. out in the same spot all
the time and Joe fixed him up SO
nicely that it took 81 worth of court
plaster to finish the job. Joe has a
job now and some kind friend paid
$40 fine for him. He will soon be
sick again.
Ever See the LIkef
Two drunken men were coming up
Sixth street the other day. The run
ming gear of poth was considerably
disabled.-When they met they lodged
around each other for awhile while
a lot of boys stood around and
whooped and hollered. Harry Grant
said to Croxton Phelps, You lemme
go fursh. en- I'll let you pash nexsht." :"
You are taking up the whole street,
en- I'm gonna git by II I havesh
to take you wish me-" said Phelps.
By this time cop came along and
collared both.
And one of them tried to prove by
the, other that he wasn't drunk and
disorderly. Think of it, Both were
so soused that they didn't know they
were soused. When an Irresistible
force meets an immovable body some
thing happens. Here's what it was.
Both are going TO Occoquan for thirty
days to finish the argument about
who had the right of way.
Quick Work.
For a long time Fillmore Jackson
has been promising to take Rosie
Jefferson to the five-and-ten cent
store and buy her some lavallieres.
Last week he got a raise in pay and
went. He bought one for everyday
in the week and one for Sunday. Then
he breathed easier. A whole day
rolled around. Thursday night he
called on his lady love. She wore
some of her Jewels. Fillmore was
tickled. Another girl came in and
admired the jewelry just the same
as II 1t had been a Hope diamond.
The Hebrew instinct cropped out In
Rosie and right in front of Fillmore
she traded lavalliere to the girl for
feather for her hat. Fillmore reg
istered a protest. Rosie told him to
shut up and mind his own business.
He did for n minute and then slam
med her a couple. Thirty days.
siob Story.
Judge. I have a poor old mother.
If you send me down she will die.
1t will kill her to see me go to
Jail. / am all she has, and IL I
am not there to care for her she
will starve and pass away with
my disgrace. Oh. please don't do
it Judge, think of the poor old
woman at home suffering while I
stay in Jail. Oh do have a heart,
please do"
"Oh, bosh." said the court to Alex
Noble, when he finished his sob
story and lame excuse for getting
soused. 81 have heard that tale
from you so many times. 1t irri-
tates me-" For the past months
Alex has managed to get arrested
for being soused at least once a
week. He was paroled once and
paid fines the other times. That
last time, he happened to be short
of funds. The court couldn't see
why Alex expected it to think of
his poor old mother, when he failed
to do it himself. So he got no
mercy, just thirty days.
Hurry, Girls.
Burrel Johnson used to operate a
clam cart. He was in partners
with another man. Business got
as quiet as a clam and they both
quit. He began pressing clothes.
The cops said he had been press
ing brick. that is walking the side
walks and loafing around. AS far
as they knew he didn't work. but
he managed to eat and sleep all the
same. He was pinched.
He rents house in Browns
court He had a receipt to show
that he paid the rent. So the court
thought that if a man had bunch
of rent receipts for souvenirs. he
must have some sort of support.
All sorts of mean things were said
about johnson. Some said he kept
bachelors hall. did his own cook
ing. washing. ironing and pressing.
The court hated to see such a use
full man go to Jail and it turned
him loose. Goodnight.
Some Fellows Really Get Mad.
Friday evening John Prather came
home with a crouch on as wide as
the Atlantic. He sat down to the
supper table and because the baby
whined. he slammed his cup of cof-
fee down so hard it broke. and the
coffee soiled the table cloth. Wifey
said, "Oh do please be careful.
have those tablecloths to wash" :"
D it, I am careful" replied John.
He was-not. The coffee pot was
empty. the bread was yesterdays,
there was too much grease on the
potatoes and the steak was as tough
as steak that you pay ten cents a
pound for.
And John was feeling like a wet
cat when he got up from the table
and when wifey said something about
some money for the weekly payment
on the graphophone. he got so hot
in the collar that it nearly singed
his hair. He grabbed wifey by the
hair, blacked her eyes. choked her
and put her complexion on the bum.
He is going to behave now as he
shelled out SO.