davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington herald., 1917-01-11
By ANON Y MOIrs

By ANON Y. NOUS.
An awful, awful world this IA
With microbes all about,
And canned peas full Of arsenic
To turn US inside out;
Tomatoes loaded up with tin
Our very lives demand,
While sardines with the leprosy
Stalk boldly o'er our land.
Our jam Is full OF powdered glass.
Catsup of benzoate;
Our Liraburger smells like it's dead
Or sick at any rate.
Bacillus Nunkypoodlelus
lnhaoits all our greens,
While cyanide and bichloride
Play Kelly pool in beans.
Our cores naught- but tombstone-ade;
o Our tea-Oh Lord. Our Tea!
It's just as full of Paris green
As ever tea could be.
There's brick-dust in our salmon p.nb
While the bottle on our hip
Is charged with strong wood alcohol.
And our corn-beef died of ptp.
Asparagus and srtichokes
Are picked now in lye;
Dread ginger-pop and caramels
Both urge US on to die.
And how our husky ancestors
Ignored these direful things
To die Of muraps and chicken-box
A puEzling question brings.
Full many a death OF long ago
In colonies of old
Was caused by kippered herring.
And lad ap to q oold
The Washington herald., 1917-01-11
The White House Pickets.

The good women who are such
ardent champions of the suffrage
cause that they are willing to go to
any decent limit to present their
cause to the public cannot hope to
win friends or supporters by turning
themselves into peripatetic sandwich
women in front of the White House.
The President of the United States
and the Congress of the United
States are not given to hysteria or
easily driven to stampede. They are
intellectual human beings and they
recognize the potency of the suffrage
movement as readily as does any
woman who has espoused it. The
majority of them have declared for
suffrage, but have found the method
of granting it opposed to the idea
some women have for the application
of the principle.
To think that they can be persuad-
ed to other views by demonstrations
in front of the White House or by
Haunting banners against the rules
and dignity OF the House of Repre-
sentatives is idle.
They are not that kind of citizens.
The last demonstration tried in this
country with the object of shaming
somebody was by the Socialists and
anarchists of New York In order to
impress John D. Rockefeller, jr., with
the horror Of labor conditions in Col
orado, a guard of black-garbed men
and women marched silently to and
fro in front of No. 26 Broadway, New
York, for several days.
The police protected them against
the curious. The notice they occa-
stoned diminished from day to day
until the silent guards disappeared
without anybody knowing it.
1t is to be expected that the suf-
frage sentinels in front of the White
House will become such fixture
within week that they will not be
noticed at all
And without being noticed women
will not carry the banner" in public.
The Washington herald., 1917-01-11

Now wheE it comes to practical
economy, doesn't it look a little bit
foolish D allow the man who carries
a States electoral vote to Washing
ton IS cents mile for his travel?
That might have been necessary in
pioneer days, but is it necessary now?
A 2-cent stamp would do the work
we'll enough. But politicians insist
that the old practice must continue.
Hence, a man coming from Annap-
oils, Nd, the closest State capital,
draws $50 and the messengers from
the Coast States draw approximately
$1,000 each for performing this SIM
pie little function. 1t costs the United
States about $4,000 a year to follow
an old custom.
The Washington herald., 1917-01-11
Stadium for WASHINGTON.

The effort of Representative HUI
bert, of New York, to have appropri-
ated ST, ,5oo,o 900 for the erection in East
Potomac Park of a national athletic
ground is one that should be ap-
plauded by every athlete in the coun-
try. Here in Washington it should
receive the united support of the citi-
zens and the various civic bodies.
Mr.. Hubert proposes to follow the
suggestion of Col. Harts by providing
for the building of big national sta
dium on the reclaimed peninsula of
land Also the plan contemplates a
bathing beach, baseball diamonds and
other athletic fields with the neces-
sary anphitheaters and other build
ings.
The possibilities of such an under
taking are many. For instance, the
great football classic, the game be-
tween the Army and Navy, could be
played off in the stadium. So also
could the games between the colleges
and universities of Washington and
their opponents in the athletic field.
A stadium could also be utilized for
the presentation of some of the great
spectacular plays, such as have at
tracted worldwide attention to Har-
wards stadium and to the newest one
built by the College of the City of
New York.
Already Congress has appropriated
$4,000 for the Improvement of East
Potomac Park and boathouse has
been erected Now If the athletes Of
The Washington herald., 1917-01-11
INAUGURAL ADVISERS
TO DISCUSS PUBLICITY
Council Meets Today to Consider Ap-
preparation for Press Campaign.

Chairman Robert N. Harper issued a
call late yesterday afternoon eummoning
members of the advisory council to meet
him in conference today at o'clock at
inaugural headquarters
To promote the publicity campaign It 10
vitality necessary that the COMMITTEES in
charge Of that work be informed at once
Of the funds that will be allotted.
Regarding the amount asked by Frank
Lord, chairman of the publicity commit
tee. Chairman Harper declined to express
himself. He said 1t devolves upon the
advisory council to go over the matter
in detail and arrive at its own conclus-
sion.
Inaugural officials appear to be in favor
Of doing all that is possible to further the
work Of Mr.. Lords committee, but sew
eral prominent members are. of the
opinion that the large appropriation ask
ed for cannot be spared for that one.
The advisory council will also take up
the matter of substituting engraved GER
tificated for the regular inaugural badges
and also the question of the erection Of
grandstands in Pennsylvania avenue.
According to advice received late last
night from several governors. the inau-
gural parade will be minus a large quota
Of the State troops that We're expected
to be in line. Col. Harper said the State
executives explained that border duty
would prevent the participation OF many
National Guard organizations.
The meeting OF the main inaugural
committee yesterday morning was de-
voted to reports OF various subsidiary
committees and requests for allotments.
II was decided to do away with the ira
ditionHl silver and bronze inaugural
medals. Col. Harper emphasized the
need Of economy and pointed that this
one instance was case where a cheap
er substitute could be used without tax
ing any splendor from the celebration.
1t was announced by the transportation
committee that practically all of the
railroads have agreed TO put on reduced
rates for the celebration.
The fireworks committe was allotted
1900.
As means OF increahng inaugural
funds 1t is probable the grandstands IN
Pennsylvania avenue will be reserved
for paid admissions.
Chairman Peters. OF the finance COM
mittee. reported that $4,000 has been
contributed.
The Washington herald., 1917-01-11
Army and Navy News
lest servie. Ceiu,.. q. CIT

The battieships Wyoming, Pennsyl-
vania, New York, Arkansas and Texas
are In the vicinity of Hampton Roads.
where they will be Joined by the destroy
er and submarine fiotilias for the trip
TO the southern maneuver grounds on
Guantanamo, Cuba
The Wyoming and the Pennsylvania
'ert New York Tuesday. The Wyoming.
under Capt. H. H. Wiley, was the first
10 get under way. She was followed an
nour and half later by Rear Admiral
H. q, Mayo's flagship, the Pennsylvania,
commanded by Capt. Fl. B. Wilson. The
Pennsylvania holds the worlds record
for consecutive hits
Inc wyoming and the Pennsylvania
went to Tompkinsville, where the New
York, Arkansas and Texas were wait
ing to steam South with them.
Aboard the Pennsylvania are 800 new
men. all enlisted since the Pennsylvania
went into the New York Navy Yard
December Is.
Ihere was party aboard the Penn
syivania Monday night for the enlisted
men.
ordnance and aircraft innovations de-
signed from devices developed by Euro
pean belligerents have been authorized
by both War and Navy Departments.
They include Zeppelin type airships.
large caliber mobile rifles and howitzers
mounted on railroad trucks for coast de-
fense or hauled by tractor engines over
country roads.
Secretary Daniels has announced that
the zeppelin will be constructed at once.
determination to build the aircraft was
reahed after an exhaustive study of the
question OF rigid airships by joint COM
mittee OF officers representing the
aeronautical branches of both services,
the General staff of the army and the
General Board OF the navy. which recon-
mended that construction be undertaken
at once
The recommendations have been ap-
proved by Secretary Daniels and secre-
tary Baker The cost will be equally
divided between army and navy.
Army ordnance plants already are
building at the Watervliet Arsenal
New York, pilot guns of the 16 and 12-
inch howitzers. Plans are practically
completed also for a 14-inch high-power
rife with carriage for mounting on rail-
road truck
Army officers are interested in the An
nouncement that the Supreme Court has
agreed to review cases involving the
authority OF the Federal government tc
force State militiamen to take the FEEDER
al enlistment oath when called into mill
tary service of the nation.
The court has granted writs of certiorart
in the cases OF Privates Emerson and
Lowell. OF the Massachusetts, militia
They refused to take the Federal oath
and were arrested by the military
authorities in charge of the mastering In
of the Massachusetts Guard. The Dis
trict Court granted writs of habeas
corpus, releasing them from military
custody, but the writs were dismissed by
the Circuit Court and the militiamen
sought a review of the Supreme Court.
The Washington herald., 1917-01-11
A Dry District.

So many ways of bringing it about
are suggested that it seems almost
certain that the Sheppard "dry" bill
will be passed by the House of Rep
resentatives before adjournment,
March 4. The remote possibility that
President Wilson will veto the bill is
of some cheer to those directly inter-
ested in the liquor traffic, but is not
impressive on those who observe the
trend of legislation.
The Sheppard bill may go through
the House in one of two forms. The
first and most logical is report on
it from the Committee on the Af-
fairs of the District of Columbia. II
that is not forthcoming the ardent
champions of the measure are already
saying that they will submit it as a
rider on an appropriation bill and OBJ
tain a special rule to make the legis-
lation in order.
That they can obtain the rule is
confidently asserted.
Meanwhile, the referendum sugges-
ton is being lost sight of. The House
is not expected to insist on a refer
endum to the point where it would
become a contentious point in a con-
ference with the Senate over the bill
Another form of referendum, how
ever, is gathering friends in the
House and in the Senate. 1t is the
real referendum principle for the Dis
trict of Columbia, which will give the
residents of this District a partial
franchise at least.
One member of Congress is now
at work on bill which may become
subject for discussion in Congress
This bill would give the residents
of the District a right to pass on laws
which affect them and them alone
Such bill as the government owner.
ship of the telephone utility would
come properly before referendum
of the District 1t is to be hoped that
when the referendum bill is proposed
that Congress will look upon it as
justice to the people of a great city
and not as an effort on the part oi
the citizens of Washington to fight
the prohibition measure, which, &C.
cording to the overwhelming senti,
ment in the Senate, seems to be the
majority view of the country.
The Washington herald., 1917-01-11

The Senate has done well and wisely
In going on record in Endorsement of the
Presidents peace note. The attempt to
involve President Wilson's clear-cut, dig
nifed and altogether timely action in be-
half Of the welfare of this country and
Of the great desideratum of peace for
the world, In a cloud of extraneous hypo-
theses, has met the failure which it de-
served. All that has been said against
the note, either here or in Europe, has
had no basis in the contents of the note
itself. but has gone outside of the note,
and sought to read into 1t meanings which
never belonged to IT. This kind of ma
neuvring and willful misunderstanding
has received merited rebuke, and in In
dorsing the President the Senate has ac-
curately reflected the opinion Of the ma
tion--Bunalo T1msA
The Washington herald., 1917-01-11
Today's Events.

Reception 10 member Of the wHshins,on Grsdu-
ate Assocstion Of The Alpha Delts Phi frstsrnle.
st bone Of Dr.. Ralph Jeniu. ifI hA~aen">ss"
Address Harry ssDdb-rs. At D~-tins q fogns
Wcnens Hebrew Association. In club ronss Lss
Tenth stre~ northwest, Q y m
Nesting Be,vorth wcmsn's Club. at r-saoenoe %
Mrs s. W. Morton, ssle Eighth sfre-t DorthwesI
afternoon.
Rscsptlou ard bah. Mis<i-ipp soastJ q wash
nston. New Ebottt. p
Banquet, Polic-menis As>oosoon "a tns D'Sx7'-
Lecture. The How and Why q an Artistic
Home" Fnnt Aivxh Parsons. uno9 suspnrs
The Hcusshold Arts Cub q the Public scncoA In
Ainer Normal School, saS p m
Addre~ Or. willard s. Small. at me~tint 81
the Home and School Association at the honros
orr.nizstion meeting. w.shtnston Athletie Club
Lecture, Prol. Robert Russ Kern. 70 cAs< IN
hanking and hnsnce. Washington Chapter, Ane1-
car Institute q Banking. lzI ssre-t northwest
p. m.
Annual meeting, Washington Humane so<ety.
fold room, shorehAm, p N
Aodress. Rsymood Crist. On "Ctn>nsrp snd
Nsturali1Ation." before meetins Of STATE D. A
couamittee patriotic educzttou. ~ home 0 Miss
Classic. 1870 street northwest, sp m
Lecturr. 'CsnSds's NSturSi Rssuro-." l. o.
Armstrong, ssssmbly RON. MeMahou Han, cathohe
Ms~4ins. credit meus section Of the Retail Ne-
chants Association conmittes. Bb6it;. at dinne.
ADJUSTMENTS.
Nstionsl-''Far and Warmer" sa .. m
BelsscO-Rdbe1 b. NAnteIl. IN Merchant q
Nenice." 2:l0. and King Lar" sN D. m
heith's-Nsnds71le. 2l5 and sa5 D. m
PoH's-"Ny Aunt Prom Utah" AS and as .. N
Lgo,m-Buris~aue 5 and p N
Gsyety-Burle$que, 2:l5 and sls .. m
Cosmos-Nsndeviile l2I5 70 II 10 d m
ColumtSH-Motion piciuFes le.N a. 10 II ..
stund-PhotoTlsys 70 a. N. 20 leS o.
GsrdeD-PhotoplHys. 10 a. m. 20 lOsS y
The Washington herald., 1917-01-11
Jottings from Jokers

Wife-That girl in the opposite nat 4,
quite promising singer.
Hub-Well, get her to promise that
she won't sing any more.-Boston Tran
script
she-Sdentists have discovered a rat as
big as bear which dates back to 1000 =
900 B. c. He-Why, Maria, II seems only
yesterday you wore 'em.-Judge.
Henry. how much did you give that
girl in the cloakroom9" Only a dime,
my dear" 'I don't believe It. I've never
seen one OF those odious creatures smile
the way she did for less than a quarter" {"
Brooklyn Eagle.
Singer-Why did they cancel the ma
gic!an? Dancer-He took the comedienne
out to supper last night and now he
can't do his coin trick.-Sun-DaL
Tell me OF your early educational
hardships." Well. I lived seven blocks
from a Carnegie library and we had no
automobile. e."-Louisville Courier-Journal
'Do people ever take advantage of the
invitation to use this church for msdi-
tation and prayer" a city verger was
once asked. Yes" he replied. II
catched two Of 'em at it the other day.
Tit-Bits.
He-Of course, there's a big difference
between a botanist and a florist
Shells there. really?
He-Yes. a botanist Is one who knows
all about flowers. and a florist is one
who knows all about the price people will
pay for them.-Boston Transcript
That man Jones backed me into 4
corner last night and kept me there two
hours telling me the bright things hts
2-year-old boy has said
Gosh! You must owe Jones an awful
lot Of money If you'n stand for that
St Louis Post-Dispatch
The Washington herald., 1917-01-11
EUR0PEANESE WAS EASY,

Reference at a recent dinner was made
TO the subject of pronunciation when this
fitting anecdote was related by Senator
Henry F. Hollis, of New Hampshire:
Down at the cigar store one night the
regulars were talking about the war and
were almost unanimous in saying that 1t
gave one faceache to pronounce some
of the European names.
Those European names are nothing" !"
said one of the crowd. You just ought
to hear what I stack up against in my
own home every day"
What's that" exclaimed another, with
an amazed expression. do you mean to
say that you have somebody in your
family who can put a kink in those
European syllable twists?"
Well, should say that 1 have" was
the smiling rejoinder of the first. You
should hear the baby and the parrot
when they get to talking together
Philadelphia Evening Telegraph.
The Washington herald., 1917-01-11
TWAS NOT A DONATION.

The conversation at q social affair the
other evening turned to the beauty Of
generous hearts, when this story was
fttingly recalled by Congressman M
Towner, of Iowa:
Some time since a woman went to a
butcher shop for some meat. and the
proprietor had some difficulty IN finding
a cut to her liking.
How about that, madam" he finally
remarked, picking up q piece and put
ting 1t on the scales. IT don't think there
Is a better cut in the whole shop"
TT looks all right" responded the GUS
toner, critically examining the meat,
but you are giving me too much bone"
"Oh, no, madam" hastily corrected
the butcher. IT am not giving It to you;
you are paying for it."-Philadelphia
Evening Telegraph.
The Washington herald., 1917-01-11

the country and the citizens of the
Capital get behind the proposal it
may soon become apparent to Con-
gress that Washington would like
something besides public buildings to
make it an attractive and pleasant
place to live.
The stadium idea would be in har-
mony with the plans of the Fine Arts
Commission for the Identification of
the Potomac River and the surround
ing land.
The Washington herald., 1917-01-11
BREAKS ACOLD
NAFEW HOURS
First Dose Of "Pape's Cold Com
pound" Relieves All
Grippe Misery.
Don't stay stuned-up!

Quit blowing and snUnling, A dose
Of "Pape's Cold Compound" taken every
two hours until three doses are taken
will end grippe misery and break up
severe cold either in the head, chest.
body or limbs.
1t promptly opens cloEged-up nostrils
and air passages: stops nasty discharge
or nose running: relieves sick headache.
dullness. feverishness, sore throat sneez-
ing, soreness and stiffness
"Pape's Cold Compound" is the quick
est, surest relief known and costs only
e cents at drug stores. II acts without
assistance, tastes nice, and causes no
Inconvenience. Don't accept a substi-
tute.-Adv.
The Washington herald., 1917-01-11

At 1870 President Wilson returned
from the morning golf game and ran the
gauntlet at the west gate. The surrra-
gists were so surprised they didn't recos-
nize the White House car until after
the President had passed. We smiled at
his fore rushed between the retinut-ssI-
time News
What do you mean, retinut.
The Washington herald., 1917-01-11
TRADE MEN PLAN DINNER.

A meeting of the membership commit
tee of the Washington Board Of Trade
was held yesterday afternoon. George H.
Macdonald. chairman, presided. Fifty
members OF the committee were present
and ten applications were acted upon.
Arrangements were started for the
complimentary dinner to be given Charles
F. Crane, the retiring chairman of the
committee. at the Capitol Park Hotel.
January 90
The Washington herald., 1917-01-11
NAVAL ORDERS.
ORDERS TO OFFICERS

ORDERS TO OFFICERS.
Lieut. 7: Withers, to treatment Naval Hospital.
Philadelphia, Pa.
Ensign II. L. Vickery. to Michigan.
Ensign ID. Il. Steece, to Parker
MOVEMENTS OF VESSELS.
Albany arrived at Puget Sound, January Q; Colun-
oia sailed for Hampton Roads January Q: Florida
arrived at Southern Drill Grounds January 9;
Montana arrived at Guacanaysbo Gulf, January 9;
New York. Oklahoma Pennsylvania, and Texas
sailed to sea, January Q; Utah arrived at Southern
Drill Grounds. January 10; Wyoming sailed to sea,
January 9.
The Washington herald., 1917-01-11

What does it matter" asks Thom-
as Lawson, whether I am toboggan-
ed 10 heaven or catapulted to help"
Well bite; what does it matter? But
isn't Tom a bit mixed in his meta
phor?
The Washington herald., 1917-01-11

do not mind wrinkle on my face
II so 1t speak somewhat OF inner grace.
And comes from smiling lip and eye
Lit up with laughter or with sympathy.
But wrinkles bred OF frownings and of
sneers-
The kind that on the tilted brow ap-
pears
For them 1 have 10 use, since they're
the chart
That show the currents Of the shallow
heart
Copyright, IsI7l
The Washington herald., 1917-01-11

Could It be that the inordinate con-
sumption of eggnog and Tom and
Jerry drove the price of eggs up to
IS cents a dozen2 If they did, whis-
key should be outlawed overnight.
The Washington herald., 1917-01-11

Already some folks are talking of
branch cubs and branch capitols in
Bladensburg. Looks like busy few
months for Prince George County if
the District goes dry.
The Washington herald., 1917-01-11

The American commissioners In the
Mexican discussion seem to have tried
pretty nearly everything except inducing
Mexico to enter the European war. Why
does not Mexico intervene in the struggle
to save the great principles of civilization.
and give up its life, II necessary, in de-
Tense of the right of the smaller nations
to exist?-Seattle Post-Intelligencer.
The Washington herald., 1917-01-11

Dispatches say King Constantine
has taken out bread card. If that
King person doesn't behave he'll soon
be looking for a meal ticket some
place away from home.
The Washington herald., 1917-01-11

Treasury Department is testing
a money-washing machine. After
Christmas and the breakfast egg we
are already cleaned.
The Washington herald., 1917-01-11

Cleveland wants a city manager.
Haven't heard that the Cuyahoga
County metropolis is in a bad way,
but if ever there was city that need
ed something it is the metropolis of
Cook County, Illinois.
The Washington herald., 1917-01-11

Fresh or canned rhubsrb is useful for
cleaning aluminium cooking utensils. One
or two stalks. either fresh or canned. cut
In small pieces are added to each Q1art
Of water and boiled in the discOlored ket-
tie until IL is clean
The Washington herald., 1917-01-11

Of seventeen convicts paroled from
the Kansas penitentiary to go home
for Christmas, one failed to return on
time. And he was an editor.
The Washington herald., 1917-01-11

Well, who wouldn't like to have a
dozen pretty women camping out il
front of his house and parading =
and down for ten hours a day?
The Washington herald., 1917-01-11

Very closely she watched the child.
never letting an occasion pass to check
what seemed like a dangerous tendency.
Il must not let my love for her destroy
her respect for me and for my work. !"
abe used to say to hersel6
The Washington herald., 1917-01-11

Harry Thaw's in bad again. Won't
the lawyers ever lay off that Thaw
bank-roll?
The Washington herald., 1917-01-11
A LINE o. CHEER
EACH DAY O. THE YEAR.

Ens printing OF original poem. written ta'S
for he Washington Hsah-
The Washington herald., 1917-01-11
WRINKLES

By John Kendrfck Bangs.
The Washington herald., 1917-01-11
FIERCE, FEARFUL FOOD

hat do you mean, retinut.
The Washington herald., 1917-01-11

she-Saentists have discovered a rat as
big as bear which dates back to 1000. =
600 B. G. He-Why, Maria, It seems only
yesterday you wore 'em.-Judza