The Pensacola journal. (Pensacola, Fla.) 1898-1985, 1917-09-19
CHAPTER XIII.
The thrill of motherhood,

Inc thrill OF mOJnefnOOQ!
Helen tried hard to feel that when
the baby was laid in her arms. But
somehow she couldn't. Her strongest
feeling was one of uneasiness, of
nervous fear of hurting it. She
could find no way of holding it COM
fortably.
However, she placed it, it would
manage to riggle into some other
position. She was afraid to sleep
when it was beside her, for fear she
would turn over on it. She had hor
rible visions of waking up and finding
it smothered to death. It was so lit
tie, there seemed no way to keep it
covered, and yet keep its head out so
it could breathe.
She was glad the room was kept
dim. She didn't want to see it
again now She had looked at it
once, and it had been so red and
wrinkled that her feelings had been
almost one of repulsion. She had told
herself that it was a most unnatural
and unmotherly feeling, but that had
not changed it.
Dreams and Reality.
After the first look, she had turned
her face to the wall with faint request
to the nurse to take it away. The
nurse had tried to assure her that all
very new babies looked like that, that
it took several weeks before they
were ever pretty.
And then Helen asked if Warren
had seen it. And when she was
told he hadn't, she asked them to
keep it from him until it looked a lit
tie different"
For some reason she felt it was
her fault, that its unattractiveness
was personal reflection on her. She
wondered if she could ever grow TO
love tiff it should always be ugly
The possibility of having a honely
child had never occurred to her, SO
certain had she been that her baby
would be beautiful. And now
Mother Troubles.
Probably after a while, it wouldn't
be so red or so wrinkled, but its
mouth had seemed so large. Could
time change those things? From that
one glimpse, deep in her heart. she
could not believe that time would
make it a beautiful child
If it had been boy, its looks
wouldn't have mattered so much,
Just so it was big and strong. But
an ugly little girl! The thought
made her sick at heart.
And then she thought of all the
dainty little clothes she had made
lacey gowns with blue ribbon. Blue
ribbons on that crimson baby!
"Nurse, don't use any of those lit
tie dresses that have blue ribbons.
I don't think blue would be very be-
coming to it nowi"
The nurse promised, REFRESHING
smile.
can Ugly Little Girl"
And then again she turned her face
to the wall and began miserably to
plan how she would dress it if it were
always the ugly little girl. AT last
she would have the judgment to dress
it plainly, to make it as inconspicu-
Gus as possible. She had always
thought it ridiculous to see ugly lit
tie children dressed up in all sort OF
frils and furbelows.
And then she thought of the fam
lily reunions and dinner at Warren's
fathers, when Carrie (Warren's sis
teri would bring her three beautiful
children! And she had looked for
ward so proudly to taking her own
beautiful baby; and now-and now
she would have to take an ugly little
girl!
Why should Carrie have lovely
children, if she could not? Carries
husband wasn't nearly as good look
ing as Warren And Carrie herself
-a+ times she was almost plain