The herald., 1916-11-30
are you fooling away
w your time reading that
rro cb - | puiS PirSl<y the

real eStater, exclaimed as he seated
himself opposite Barnett Zapp in Was
Serbauer's restaurant.
That's what Old Man Zeppelin used
to say" Barnett Zapp, the waist man
ufacturer, replied as he laid down the
current issue of "Sultry Stories"
Every once in while he would find
his youngest son, PincuS Zeppelin,
reading a dime novel, and he would
catch him a box on the ear and ask
him what would become of him, and
that he had kind father and good
mother and this Is the way he repays
them, and to look at his brother Sig,
which never read nothing but the pa
perS and now runs one of the biggest
delicateSSen and fine grocery stores
IN Immendingen, Wurtemburg, where
as Pincus Zeppelin couldn't forget the
time la fooled away over "Ned Har-
ringtOn, the Boy Aviator" in the Ned
Harrington" series till it affected his
mind BirSky. He becomes crazy on
the subject of airships and before he
RECEIVERS his senses, understand, he
stands a show to get away with any
where's from ten to twenty million
dollars
You are talking now from one sim
gle for-instance out of hundreds"
Birsky objected, ''aber the shoe could
pinch on the other foot, too, Zapp. II
/ would read, for example, in a ten
cent mazagine that Ned Carruthers'
uncle left him two million dollars prof
its from the Cruller trust and Ned
! wouldn't take a cent of the money on
account it was tainted from being
ground out of the blood of working
women which has got to sit and see
| their husbands die because there isn't
| so much as cruller in the house, and
| that's the way Old Man Caruthers-
| Steel Trap Carruthers they used TO.
call him on the Cruller exchange
made his money, understand, read
| ing such stuff couldn't do me no harm,
| Zapp. 1t wouldn't make me turn down
any two million dollar legacy from
my uncle, even though as a reward l
might stand a show to marry a girl
|
| CarrutherS did in the story, because in
the first place, Zapp, such things only
happen in stories.
"ZapD, you take here the other
day q lady which lives over in Brook
Ign and rents for a few dollars a fur
nished room, understand, and the
poor woman actually has got an uncle
die on her and leave her two hundred
thousand dollars, Zapp."
"NebichI" Zapp exclaimed. ut
must of upset her something terrible"
Ordinarily it wouldn't" Birsky
refused to take the money, Zapp, be-
cause she read the magazines so long
she didn't believe in real life no more"
Neither does a whole lot of other
people," Zapp declared, editors of pa
pers for example. Every New York
newspaper editor has got an idea that
anyhow fifteen per cent of the COM
mon people which lives in New York,
OF 100000 people, takes such a big
interest III gollef, understand, that
it's necessary to get once a week q
funny gOllef picture done by the news
papers cartOOniSt. Now as such a
cartoonist is paid a salary equivalence
to the President of the United States,
supposing Mr.. Wilson also received a
royalty of ten per cent on the rights
to reproduce in moving pictures as
| comics, the carryings-on of the Senate
and House of Representatives, yum
derstand, take one-seventh Of such q
cartoonist's salary, Birsky, and 1t
makes gollef a very expensive game
for a newspaper, even supposing II
was as popular as the editor thinks
it is. However, Birsky, If you was an
editor and was able to read all the
5 magazines, free, you wouldn't act no
, differencely, because it don't make nc
= difference if a author is writing love
! story, q business story, a detecative
story or a sea story, he thinks he
! must got to ring in something about
S gollef, the idee being to make the rest
of the story sound more refined and
give people the impression that al
though writing under an alias he Is
5 really kin to the Astors and Wander
: bits"
"What Is there so becoming about
playing gollef?" Birsky asked.
e "Well, for one thing, it's taking ex
5 ercise," Zapp continued, (which tax
+ ing exercise is considered such prop
K er thing nowadays, BirSky. that wher
some fellers tell you about the exer
+ else they are taking, understand
y they act like they would be admitting
that they just give a hundred thou
IS sand dollars to the Belgium Relic
= Fund"
1T taking exercise is such a won
1t der1ul thing" Birsky said, "a shipping
, clerk must be a athlete already"
/ He is just such a athlete as gol
n lief player is anyhow" Zapp said, "be
h cause packing and shipping goods
n great deal like playing gollei
q Birsky. It exercises every part o
the body except the nead-the onl
n difference being that gollef couldn
be done in such close quarters q
s shipping goods"