Atlanta semi-weekly journal. (Atlanta, Ga.) 1898-1920, 1916-06-13
viii
TheirWork
Already Done
Yet Delegates viii Travel
Thousands of Miles for the
Privilege of Getting Yell Off
Their Chests
ny CHARLES EDwARD RUSSELL
| Copyright. 1916. by Newspaper Enter

ST. LOUIS, Mo-, June 12.-Suppose
YOU were to start out and travel l'OOU
miles or, maybe, 1000, in hot, moist.
fly-paper weather. Suppose you were
TO leave your business and happy home
and risk your life on an overcrowded
railroad and your purse to the Pullman
company. Suppose you were TO tlghl
your way at last into broiling, BURST
ing birthstone furnace sort of town.
where TO get food you had to struggle
with alien waiter gentlemen so lately
introduced from Skandihoovia, Moldavla
and adjacent parts that they didn't
know a cocktail from a buckwheat-
Suppose you toiled and painted ana
sweated and scrambled through all the
fortunes Of all the lost and waning
souls merely to get a chance TO do
certain Job, and then found out 1t had
all been done before your arrival
You would cuss considerably, wouldn't
you? And feel cheap and meanE
Not IL YOU were delegate TO tniS
convention. you wouldn't. Apparently
~ Won were a delegate to this conven-
zion. you would undergo all these SUI
narfluous torments and rejoice therein.
Won would be glad to have other gentle
men standing On your toes. make merry
| FOR the elbows that penetrate your rios.
Give thanks for noise. dirt, misery ana
hardships and cheer yourself hoarse at
.ha pleasant thought that you had gone
through all this for nothing.
Pehold the convention delegate! This
/ IS The life.
| Ola lanes s. Lee, OF Sheridan Town
/ shin Ia. who has been to every Demo-
| cratic national convention since the one
| that nominated Horatio Seymour, Just
after the Black Hawk war. told me To-
i a
| convention business until I got 1t INTO
49, baad that II is a kind OF bug.
| .aTake II from me-" says Lee, II
| ,ouIdn,t get this Democratic yell often
| rnx, chest and walk myself half-dead
| IooE,np for food, and get my ribs hair
/ stove In around a hotel lobby about once
/ every four years, it's my opinion ia
/ blow up"
| This must be the right dope TO ex-
/ Main the thing, because there isn't any
| other There is no reason Tor holulhs
this national convention than there Is
for holding a national convention OF
| cassowaries in the land or Timouctoo'
Every stricken thing this convention
| Iii 40 has already been done for H.
! THE real convention of the Democrat
L q, ,ar+y ~ this year was held-long ago
/ II took place in President wilson's room
4 !, tba white House. where smooth
] .,,,,-an gentleman OF pleasing appear
| .1ca assembled himself, dispensed with
| the opening prayer, and PROCEEDED 10 the
| selection of temporary ana permanent
chairmen. This done, ne unanlIIlou Is.
| nominated and elected the secretary, SER
| peant-at-arms doorkeeper, timekeeper'
doughkeeper, weighing boss, room 1ore-
man and parliamentarian.
After this came the roll call for nomi-
nations for president and vice president.
The nominating speeches were greeted
with tremendous applause. The nomina-
tion Of Woodrow Wilson having oeen
made unanimous, amid boundless en-
| thusiasm, the pleasant-faced gentleman
said. 'T wonder if have forgotten any
thing. I think not" and unanimously
adjourned sine die and went to bed.
The 1000 delegates that are now
l gathering here will collect what fun is
| 10 be had from railroading in hot wealth
er. swatting flies, hurting into them
| selves masses of indigestble luncheon
counter food. and between times voting
as they are told to confirm the action
of the real convention.
And that is all.
Senator Bill Stone arrives one day and
| brings the presidents selections for
chaplain. temporary and permanent
| chairmen, and secretary of the pie board.
| Senator Ollie James booms in the
next Gay DedTluB biS pASSiuSheS oAoA'
Of the platform.
Senator Lewis follows and adds the
presidents choice for running mate.
Senator Overman shows up with the
presidents time table, showing when
the convention is to meet and when il
is TO adjourn.
Senator Banlhead is expected next
with the presidents instructions as to
Il the proper length of a delegates hair
Il and what he should eat for breakfast.
Il II is understood that on this subject DIR.
Wilson takes strong grounds against
pork chops and insists upon porridge.
The cost Of holding the real Demo-
cratic convention was s51. being about
six hours OF the time Of a gentleman
that gets S205 day for being president.
The cost Of holding the show conven-
tion is s4.5Oo.Ooo, and is a punk spiel
at that.
The real convention puts it all over the
show one.
Still there are gents here that kick
about this. They say they aren't keen
about coming here just TO be a rubber
stamp one minute and an automobile
horn the next. They say they know
things their ownselves about foreign
relations. keeping out of war. the beau
ties of the Underwood tariff and the
| blessings Of a Democratic administra-
tion. and they know them just as well
as If they had been to Princeton and
worn a cute little hat with a Tapping
top TO IL and learned to call bath a
bawth. And they object to the whole
business.
Over these will go presently a large
powerful paving roller, car efully direct
ed by the clean-shaven gentleman of
pleasant appearance, and they will be
heard Of no more.
For he is it. he is the whole thing.
he is the goods.