Valdez daily prospector., 1916-01-12
S555-PLUS!
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 (By Fred D. Abrams)

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 (By Fred D. Abrams)
 had just given the dealer my check for $555 and the car was mlne
 "she's a beauty" I remarked.
 Best in the world-at the price I mean," hs agreed. "of course you don't expeet toget in $555 car what you would in a $5555 car. Take that speedometer, for instance. Good, or course, but it only registers up to ten miles. If I were you I'd put on &, Corkmuddle right at the start They are the only really scientific sneedometer; constructed on the principle of the jumping-bean. Cost aznO but we would allow you a re- fund of $2.85 on this one. The only trouble is the Corkmuddle is so large that you won't have room for it un- less you buy smaller steering wheel. While you are at it you might as we'll get the best. Buy a wiggle- vag. You can operate the Wiggle- vag with your nose, and that leaves your hands free to put on your tires; and speaking of tires, let me whisper a little professional secret. Those that come with the car are what we call "second growth" Maybe it's wrong but they all do it. You might as we'll begin right and buy set of shufrlers. They are sliced like cro- quette, so that the mud is always thrown into the back seat and never in the drivers eyes. Prices range from $6 to $90, but only those list ed at $89.65 and above carry the fa- nous "Shuffler Guarantee" Of course you'll want insurmountable rims for them. No crawling under the car-just straddle the radiator, reach down under the tail-light, grip the transmission in your finger nails and snap the rim onto the gears with your teeth. It's as simple as putting on chains, and, by the way, if you ever sxpect to drive off the main streets yoh'il need chains. No chains is what caused Judge Nelson's car to skid with him last week, killing him, his two wives and the three infant grandmothers. Funny thing about that accident. His axles weren't bent a bit. Couldn't be; they were Plummets. I wouldn't drive the best ear ever built unless it had Plum mets. I wouldn't feel safe. No, those of yours are Floaters; all right till you run off bridge into the wa ter and then the car might float a thousand miles out to sea. With Plummets, you'll find it just where it sank, and your body will always be under it. Think of the time and expense saved of dragging the bot tom. Each Plummet weighs 1900 pounds. Naturally, with all that you will need a stronger frame. Get a Skeleton Twin, built like sandwich, upper and lower layers concrete with a cushion of air between. Your top won't fit It., but you can get new one. Buy Pebbletop Toupee. They are rust-proof, absolutely. have seen them rip, tear. break, tarnish, warp and leak inside of week, but never rust. Place your order at once. Anyone who orders before the 1st of June, 1925, gets in on the special profit sharing offer. They come in only one shade. bi-chrome lavender. Youll want new uphol- stert to harmonize. Buy Dinge's. Their regular line is radiators. This radiator of yours is all right for a fellow who Is mechanic. but a man With your type of mind wants some thing very simple. That's why I say buy Dinge radiator. Whalebone base and airless holes. Understand, it is used only with snapdragon en- zine. The Snapdragon is too power ful for this car, but you can use the excess to run your Squint lamps"
 Excuse me-" interrupted, but is this car any good at all!"
 Best on the market" he replied monotonously, Eat the price, l mean. of yourse you don't expect-
 had wound him up again. I don't know who shut him off. Maybe he Is going yet.--Puck.