The Monticellonian., 1916-05-11
"A. V. R. E. Jones; better known as Average Jones. I believer"

"Experto crede! Being dog Latin for You seem to know all about it. The newcomer eyed his vis-a-vis. Perhaps you-er-know MT. Robert Bertram. '' he drawled.
 "0culus-the eye-tauri-of the bull. Bulls eye!" said the freckled one, with grin. 4'Td heard of your exploits through Bertram, and thought prob ably you'd follow the bait contained in my letter to him"
 Now that I'm here, where Is L. Livius And-so-forth?
 Elegantly but uneomfortably housed with Col. Ridgway Graeme in his an cestral barrack on Carteret street"
 'Is this Colonel Graeme friend of yours?"
 Friend and foe. tried and true We meet twice a week, usually at his house. to squabble over his method of Latin pronunciation and his construc- tion of the ablative absolute" said Warren with a scowl, fit to fetch Tac- itus bowling from the shades"
 "A scholar, then?"
 "A very fine and finished scholar, though a faddist of the rankest type. Speaks Latin as readily as he does English"
 Any family?"
 No Lives with two ancient col ored servants who look after him.
 How did our friend from B. c. connect up with him?"
 "Oh. he ran to the old colonel like a chick to it's hen You see, there aren't so very many Latinists in town during the hot weather. Perhaps about here and from Washington to see the prodigy in the Park of the Boar, after the advertisement appear ed. He wouldn't have anything to do with any of us. Then came the colonel and fairly grabbed him. So sent for you-in my artless professional way"
 Why such enthusiasm on the part of Colonel Graeme?"
 Simple enough. Livius spoke Latin with an accent which bore out the old boys contention. l believe they also agreed on the ablative absolute"
 "Yes-er-naturally drawied Aver age Jones. Does our early Roman speak pretty ready Latin2"
 Hes fairly fluent Sometimes he stumbles little on his constructions, and he's apt to be-well-monkish- rather than classical, when in full course"
 Doesn't wear the toga virilis, sup pose"
 "Oh. no. Plain American clothes It's only his inner man that's Roman of course. He met with bump on the head-this is his story, and he's got the scar to show for it-and when he came to, he'd lost ground couple of thousand years and returned to his former existence"
 Now as to Colonel Graeme; has he ever published?"
 Yes Two small pamphlets. issued by the Classicist Press, which pub fishes the Classical Weekly"
 Supporting his fads I suppose"
 Right. He devoted one pamphlet to each"
 See here. Professor Warren: I'm a passionate deYotee of the Latin tongue. l have my deep and dark sus- picions of our present modes of pro nunciation, all three of em As for the ablatiye absolute. it's reconstruc- tion and regeneration have been the inspiring principle of my studious man. hood. Humbly l have sat at the feet of Learning. enshrined in the Ridgway Graeme pamphlets, must meet Colonel Graeme-after reading the pamphlets. hope they're not long"
 Warren drowned. Colonel Graeme is gentleman and my friend, MT Jones, he said with emphasis. T won't have him made butt"
 He shan't be, by me-" said Average Jones quietly. Has 1t perhaps struck you, as his friend that-er-a close daily association with the psychic rem nant of Roman citizen might conceiv- ably be noneonducive to his best in- terest?"
 Yes, it has. 1 see your point. You want to approach him on his weak side, But, have you Latin enough to sustain the part?"
 sNo. haven't" admitted Average Jones. Therefore, I'm a mute. A shock in early childhood paralyzed my centers of speech l talk to you by sign language, and you interpret"
 At the Graeme house Average Jones was received with simple courtesy by a thin, rosy-cheeked old gentleman with a daggerlike imperial and dreamy eye, who. on Warrens intro duction, made him free of the unkempt old places hospitality
 Colonel Graeme led the way to a lofty wing, once used as a drawing ,, room, but now the repository for thou sands of books, which not only filled the shelves but were heaped up in every corner.
 T must apologize for this confusion, sir" said the host, "No one is per mitted to arrange my books but my self And my efforts, I fear serve only 10 make confusion more eonfounded | There are four other rooms even more than this "
 At the sound of his voice a man who had been seated behind a tumulus of volumes rose and stood Average Jones looked at him keenly. He was perhaps forty-five years of age. thin aud sinewy with a close-shaven face. 1 pale blue eyes. and narrow forehead running high into mop of grizzled locks. Diagonally across the front part