The Ozark spectator., 1916-08-04
CHAPTER VI. "A Bit About Australia"

'
 of goggles and leather ulster
 yarned away on the hearthsrug.
 You lind me In the deuce of a meas, Mr. By the bye, you haven't toed me your name. Tw1sden? Any relation of old Tommy Twisden of the Sixtieth? No. We'll. you see I'm Liberal candidate for this pert of the world, and had a meeting, ton tonight at Brat1leburn. That's my 'chief town and an internal TeFy stronghold.
 'T had got the colonial ex-ppsmier fellow, Orlmpleton. coming to speax for me tonight and had the thing tre mendously billed and the whole pia"" ground baited. This afternoon I go: Q wire from the ruffians sa y4ng he has got influenza a4 Blackpool, and here am left to do the wholes thing myself. | had meant to speak for ten minutes and must now go on for forty. anH though I've been racking my brains for thEee hours tosthink of something. simply cannot last the eourss.
 Nov, you've got to be a good chap and help me. You're freettrader and can tell our people what washOut protection is in the colonies. AM you fellows have the gift of the Agab. I wBh to heavens I had k Fn, be fer 0Vermose in your debt"
 I had very few notions eaboot free trade one way or the other, bat saw no other chance to get whatsI wanted
 My young gentleman wassfar too ab- sorbed in his own difficulties to think how odd 1t was to ask "a stranger who had just missed death by an ace and had lost a 0eO guinea .car to address meeting for him On the,spur ofthe no ment But my necessities did not n'- lew me to contemplate oddnesses or to pick and choose my supports.
 "Ah right" I said. I'm not much good as . speaker, but I'll tell them bit about Australia"
 At my words the cares of the ages slipped from his shoulders, and he was rapturous fin his thanks He lent me a big driving coat and never troubled to ask why I had started in a motor tour without possessing an ulster ard as we shufi1ed down the dusty roads poured into my ears the simple fac.s of his history.
 He was an orphan. and his uncle had brought him up. I've forgottsp the uncle's name, but "he was in the cabinet, and you can read his speeches in the papers.
 hA leaving Cambridge, and then, being short of job, his uncle had advised politics. I gathered that he had no preference in parties. Good chaps in both," he said cheerfully, and plenty of blighters too I'm Liberal because my family nave always been Wings
 But If he was lukewaEm politically ne had strong views on other things He found out I knew a bit about horses and jawed away about the Derby entries, and he was full of plans for improving his shooting al together a very clean. decent. cailov young man.
 As we passed through a little town two policemen signaled us to stop and flashed their lanterns on us. Beg pardon. Sir Harry" said one. We've got instructions to look out for a car and the descriptions no unlike yours
 'Rfght-o," said my host, while thanked Providence for the devious ways l had been breoght to safety.
 After that we spoke no more for my hosts mind began to labor heavily with his coming speech. His lips kept muttering, his eye wandered. and began to prepare myself for a second catastrophe. I tried to think of some thing to say myself. but my mind was dry as stone.
 Tho next thing 1 knew we had drawn up outside a door in a street and were being welcomed by some noisy gentle men in rosetteS.
 The hall had about 500 in 1t. women mostly, a lot of bald heads and dozcn or two young men.
 The chairman, weasely minister with reddish nose, lamented Crum- pleton's absence, soliloquized on his in duenza and gave me certificate as a trusted leader of Australian thought There were two policemen at the doe and l hoped they took note of this testimonial
 Then Sir Harry started
 never heard anything like It. He didn't begin to know how to talk. He had about bushel of notes from which he read. and when he let go of them he fell into one prolonged stutter.
 Every now and then he remembered . phrase he had learned by heart, stsaightened his back and gave 1t o6 hko Henry Irving. and the next mo ment he was bent double and crooning over his papers. It was the most ap- pal1lng rot too.
 He talked about the German men co" and said 1t was all Torg fipven- tisa to cheat the poor of v A rights