Bismarck daily tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1881-1916, 1916-06-13
ST. LOUIS POW
WOW IS CUT
AND DRIED NOW
Correspondents Say There Real
1y No Need Of Holding One
at All.
ALL PLANS LAID "
MONTHS IN ADVANCE
Presidente Wilson Absolute Die
tator of Every Move Leaders
Take.
MONTHS IN ADVANCE

st. Louis, Mo-, June 12.-Suppos
you were to start out and travel 100
miles or, maybe, 1000, in hot moist
tly-paper weather. Suppose you wer
to leave your business and happ.
home and risk your life on an over
crowded railroad and your purse t;
the Pullman company. Suppose yol
were to tight your way at last int
a broilng, bursting, birthstone fur
mace sort of a town, where to sc
food you had to struggle with alier
waiter gentlemen SO lately introduced
from Skandihoovia, Moldavia and ad
jacent parts that they didn't know !
cocktail from a buckwheat.
, Suppose you toiled and painted AMI
sweated and scrambled through all
the tortures of all the lost and wall
ing souls, merely to get chance 70
do a certain job, and then found out
it had all been done before your ar
rival.
You would cuss considerably
wouldn't you? And feel cheap and
mean?
Not if you were a delegate to this
convention, you wouldn't. Apparent
~, if you were delegate to this con-
vention, you would undergo all these
superfiuous torments and rejoice
therein. You would be glad to have
other gentlemen standing on your
toes, make merry for the elbows that
penetrate your ribs, give thanks for
noise, dirt, misery and hardships and
cheer yourself hoarse at the pleasant
thought that you had gone through
all this for nothing ...
This is life. -..
Old James S. Lee of Sheridan town
ship, Ia, who has been to every dem
Ocratic national convention since the
one that nominated Horatio Seymour,
just after the Black Hawk war, told
me today that | would never under
stand this convention business until
l got it into my head that it is a
kind Of bug.
Take it from me-" says Lee, 'if
couldn't get this democratic yell often
my chest and walk myself half dead
looking for food, and get my ribs half
stove in around a hotel lobby about
once every four years, it's my opinion
I'd blow up"
:. This must be the right dope to ex-
plain the thing, because there isn't
any other. There is no more reason
for holding this national convention
than there is for holding a national
convention of cassowaries in the land
of Timbuctoo. Every stricken thing
this convention will do has already
been done for it,
The real convention of the demo,
cratic party of this year was held long
ago. 1t took place in President VIII
sons private room in the White
House, where smooth shaver gentle
man Of pleasing appearance assem-
'bled himself, dispensed with the open
ing prayer, and proceeded to the Sc.
lection of temporary and permanent
chairmen. This done, he unanimously
nominated and elected the secretary,
sergeant-at-arms. doorkeeper, time
keeper, doughkeeper, weighing boss,
room foreman and parliamentarian
After this came the roll call for nom
nations for president and vice presi-
dent The nominating speeches were
greeted with tremendous applause.
The nomination of Woodrow Wilson
having been made unanimous, amid
boundless enthusiasm, the pleasant
faced gentleman said, 81 wonder if \
have forgotten anything. I think
not" and unanimously adjourned sine
die and went to bed.
The 1900 delegates that are now
gathering here will collect what fun
is to be had from rairoading in hot
weather. swatting flies. hurting into
themselves masses of indigestible
luncheon counter food. and between
times voting as they are told, to con-
Arm the action of the real convention.
And that is all.
Senator Bill Stone arrives one day
and brings the presidents selection
for chaplain. temporary and perma-
nent cllairmen. and secretary of the
pie board.
Senator Ollie James booms in the
next day, bearing the presidents
draft of the platform.
Senator Lewis follows and adds the
a. -. = -