Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1916-06-08
FARMER SMITHS
BITTER LESSON
Christmas Mail Order Ship
ment Proves Nightmare.
BARGAINS" ARE A DELUSIOk

After Unpsekins Goods, Quickly Goes
to Home Town Store, Sees What He
Buys and Makes Vow Never Again
to Patronizs Catalogue House-No
More Wonder Book Stuff.
Copyrighted. 1914. by Thomas ]. Sullivan.l
Experience is the name men give
their follies and their sorrows IL Is
the successive disenchantment of the
things of life.
1t Is reason enriched by the spoils of
the heart. At least that Is Smiths In
depreciation Of experience.
DisagreeabIe Brand of Wetnsss.
One December it happened that the
weather man seemed to conspire with
the mail order man. He turned out a
disagreeable brand of wetness that fill
ed the farmers with a distaste for the
"open road" that David Grayson 30
enthusiastically praises in all seasons.
But all farmers are not optimistic.
like David.
Farmer Smith liked the comfort OF
his sheltered home. So he naturally
was attracted by an invitation from
the mail order house 10 sit down In
an easy chair before the fire and select
his Christmas supplies from the pages
OF a wonder book left nj his front gate
by the r. f. d. man.
Wonder Book Solves Problem.
The idea seemed mighty attractive
and comfortable. He thought he might
as well experiment once anyway.
So he and his wife had nice time
filing out the yellow order slip accord
ing TO their needs and revenue.
Then they sent ii on It's way to the
firm which promised them thrilling bar.
gains In all lines OF merchandise from
pins TO palaces
The Smiths had made one trip to
town The day had been characterized
by haste, hunger and worry. They
hadn't had lime to buy what they
wanted.
So the catalogue seemed 10 solve the
problem for them. Ii seemed as II II
were going TO save them lots Of time.
energy. money and brain flag.
Shipment Arrives.
Ii was beautiful pre-Christmas
dream made up in four measures OF
comfort, confidence, curiosity and hope.
The awakening came afterward. like
wise the disillusionment
Their shipment arrived two days be
fore Christmas. This was very reas-
surfing. But IL necessitated a special
drive OF nine miles to the nearest ex-
press Office.
The C. o. ID. express charges were
ton Of a mistake came with the real
ization that the express charges ex-
ceeded the difference In price between
home store and catalogue house arti-
cles.
Traffic had been congested and the
Smith hoped II wasn't serious. but he
took his stuff home with unpleasant
forebodings. and that night when the
family was asleep he and his wife
opened the package in the kitchen.
Caused Smith TO Swear.
There was lot OF excelsior TO I'M
pack. but when the work was done and
the contents stood revealed there was a
verbal fireworks display on the part OF
Smith. who forgot for the moment that
he was a deacon in the church. and
Mrs. Smiths tears were bitter
The parlor lamp was scream. Its
were livid enough to
light a colored Baptist church without
the aid OF acetylene.
The handcraft Battenberg looked as
II IL had been made on a sweatshop
machine intended for overalls. The
guaranteed pure wool overcoat assur-
ed them at glance how thoroughly
they had been neeced
Passing up the balance Of the al. |
legged bargains" the baby's stocking
was the piece de resistance OF their |
Christmas feast IL was a tarlatan af. |
fair decorated with green and red |
yarn tasseis and flled with Junk that |
represented the discard OF one cent
novelty stock and exuded suggestions
'f bacteria from top to toe
Do Shopping at Home.
The stocking was the hnal straw.
Next morning smith hitched up old
Bess. and he and his wife plodded to
own again through the slush to get a
BONA fide supply of Christmas gifts