davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Luxemburger gazette. [volume] (Dubuque, Iowa) 1871-1918, 1916-09-28
Irwin Mattingly
Hall.
Bot. Graduate . Shulc fir fatbo.
Hide iunge 9amen.
WASHINGTON, ID. C.

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porisaen. Dldbtse S~totnsuustu.
SIR rdbere @nsiunit unS proipeitus
fbretbe man an
Mrs. Sarah Irwin Mattingly,
observation-disclosures Hall.
Washington, ID. c.,
9eim S6retben erpdbne oieies gIatt.
Luxemburger gazette. [volume] (Dubuque, Iowa) 1871-1918, 1916-09-28
.Oie Sram ebns Seeattsn."

Wie brabtlos aus Berlin gemelbet
ipirS. bat Der beriibmte aomponiit
HidarS StrauS cine nelie Sper pous
enbct, pelde ben 1itel ~9ie 5rau
p6ne Sdatten" fiibrt.
The fool-killer., 1916-01-01
STILL GROWING.
WOODPILE.

[ am just now laying the found
alton Of a new building thirty feet
wide by fifty feet long to
accommodate the growing
business Of The Fool-Killer. With
a new home in which to spread it.
self and national campaign gal
loping down the political pike,
The Fool-Killer will soon be the
most widely circulated and best
known paper in the country. Even
now it would be difficult to find a
community anywhere in the Unit
ed States where The Fool-Killer
is not known. It is already
famous, and growing more famous
every day. This issue is a fair
sample Of what s in store for my
readers from now on. Tell every
body about it and get up as many
big clubs as you can. What is
the use for anybody to 60 through
life without The Fool-Killer> when
it only costs ten cents a year in
clubs Of five or more?
The fool-killer., 1916-01-01

it so that it will be just like we
thought it ought to have been fix
ed at the time we didn t fix it like
we fully intended for it to be fix
ed. If we can just get it differ
ent from the way it was before we
fixed it the first time, and still not
quite as different as we had it
after we had fixed it a few times,
[ think it will be plum purity
thing and give perfect satisfac-
ton. Edith knows all about tariffs,
and she says that's the way to do it.
PREPAREDNESS.
Now we are getting down to
business. Preparedness" is the
word. Say, Congress, I actually
can't sleep at night for fear Ger
many or somebody else will come
here and try to steal Edith away
from me. So we want you to
spend billion dollars for ships
and soldiers to keep them kidnap-
pers away from Edith. There
may be other reasons for Pre-
paredness, but Edith is the main
one. So don't forget.
aside: Cali right, honey,
your Woodsey-doodsey will be
there in just a secondly
Well, Mister Congress, the Dear
Girl~is calling me to go riding
with her, and I'm tired of this
hang-taked Message, anyhow
Take it and go to Guinea with it
I'm gone.
Yours awfully in love,
WOODPILE.
The fool-killer., 1916-01-01
POSITIVE PROOF.

The Fool-Killer has just re-
ceived information from julius
Caesar, who got it straight from
the Prophet Daniel, to the effect
that Queen Victoria had stated IN
the presence of Abraham and
Isaac that she heard Woodrow
Wilson tell the Apostle Paul that
Andrew Carnegie had just re-
ceived letter from Emperor
Nero containing positive proof
that Abraham Lincoln had told
the King of Egypt that he was
present when Patrick Henry de-
clared before the Roman Senate
that Booker Washington had told
William Shakespeare that jose
phus Daniels had overheard Mar
tin Luther telling Christopher
Columbus that Champ Clark was
very positive about what he heard
Napoleon say to Moses in connec-
tion with the report that j. P.
Morgan had shown John D.
Rockefeller a clipping from the
Wall Street Journal in which it
was positively proven that the
United States must have "Pre-
paredness.' -
The fool-killer., 1916-01-01
JUST AN ILLUSTRATION

AS to whether this so-called
preparedness" will keep US out
Of war, let me give you an illu-
stration:
A gang Of drunk fools are fight
ing and scratching down yonder
in a back lot. Several blocks
away business man sits in his
office. He is very anxious to keep
out Of that fight What would be
the wisest course for that man to
persue in order to keep out of the
fight? Your preparedness" ad-
vocate would advise him to load
up with guns and butcher-knives
and go galloping down there and
stand around like he was hunting
for trouble. I would advise him
to stay in his office and attend to
his own business.
The fool-killer., 1916-01-01

Edison's latest edition of the
talking machine is said to be so
perfect that even an expert can t
distinguish it from the human
voice. And that puts new hope
in my breast. Maybe the talking
machine will get smart enough to
tell us when the Democrats are
going to lower the cost of living.
No human being can do it.
The fool-killer., 1916-01-01
PREPAREDNESS"

AS it happens, there are several
sorts Of Preparedness" /" And
some Of the sorts are very desir-
able. But the war jingoes, led by
Woodpile and Big Tush, would
have us believe that the only
'Spreparedness'' we need is the
military sort. Internal lie is too
nice a name for such devil-be-
gotten sentiment.
[ am In favor of having some
thing to eat prepared" also
something to wear. I would like
to see nice home prepared"
for every poor homeless family in
America. When these cold winter
nights come On I would like to
know that a good warm bed was
prepared" for every poor, shiv-
ering waif of the streets.
Just a whole doggon lot of
preparedness" along those lines
would be a mighty good thing,
and The Fool-Killer has been ad-
vocating that sort Of "prepared-
ness" for the past six years.
But our big-mouthed political
fre-earters have entirely lost sight
of everything but blood and
Doodle. They don't care nary
dried-apple cuss whether our peo-
pie are prepared" to live or not.
Butch, geeminy-Jabbers how
they can weep and wall over the
urgent need Of being prepared"
to kill and be killed.
Say, you loud-lunged agitators
who want so much war prepared
ness," I suppose you are making
your wills and winding up your
affairs with view to marching to
the front and setting up your own
precious carcasses for targets?
Are you? No, confound your cow
ardly skins, you are not. In the
time Of all your big prepared
ness" hellabaloo you are very
careful to see that way is "pre-
pared'' for you and your gang to
keep out Of danger. You are a
purity confounded, cowardly,
criminal crowd Of crooks, any
how.
The fool-killer., 1916-01-01

"Can wives be trusted with
money!" inquiries the New York
Independent. Dunno, mister.
Send me some, and I'll expert
ment on my wife with it.
The fool-killer., 1916-01-01
THE MESSAGE.
The White House,
Washington, D. G.

The White House,
Washington, D. G.
Dear Congress:
Edith says tell you hello for
her. She wants to come over to
the Capitol some day and see the
wheels Of government go round.
Say Congress, was you ever in
love? Awful sight Of trouble amt
it? I mean this hang-taked
government business is such
bother when I want to be talking
with Edith all the time. How did
you leave the folks at home? Has
old Uncle Hiram's rheumatism
got any better?
There are so many things to
discuss in an Annual Message like
this that [ don't know where to
begin. How would 'Money" do
to start with? Money usually
comes first. All right, then
MONEY.
I think / can save up enough
money while I am President to
support Edith and me in comfort
the rest Of our lives. She has
some money Of her own, and if we
get in a pinch I can teach school.
It is reported that there are some
people in this country who
haven't got as much money as
they need, but I can't help that.
If this don't settle the money
question, it will just have to 60
unsettled.
AGRICULTURE.
Edith wants me to plow up the
lot South of the White House and
plant it in corn, beans and pota-
toes next spring. That will be as
much agriculture as we can man
age, [ guess. We saw some wheat
just coming up the last time we
went to Harper's Ferry. We will
go back to that Negro Hotel next
fall and eat some biscuits made
out Of that wheat, maybe. Edith
agrees with me that agriculture is
very important.
FOREIGN RELATIONS
! Don't talk to me about foreign
relations. I've got as many neal
relations as I can manage. Anc
now all Of Edith s relations vii
be added to mine. [ do hope none
OF them are poor relations.
THE ARMY.
The army ought to be made
large enough to equal the size o:
what it didn't look like at tn,
time it was thought to be littl,
too near the right size. I cal
prove that by Edith.
THE NAVY.
; Josephus Daniels tells me tina
he has lately found out that tn,
navy is wet On the bottom. Editl
said she knew it already. Ain
she smart?
, TIE TARIFF.
The Tariff is just like we ixe,
: it last time it was fixed. And i
we fix it again we must try to f,
The fool-killer., 1916-01-01
/" THE PROSPERITY WAVE"


Well, I'll swing,
By jing!
II we amt struck =.
The luck!
Prosperity has come,
Kerbum!
And struck us in the back.
KerWhack!
Just like a wave Of gold
It rolled,
And swept us from our feet,
Complete!
Here underneath it all 1
We crawl,
And beg like any whelp
For help.
We poor folks never learned
That burned
Old trick of getting hold
OF gold.
-
We're too weak, I'm afraid,
To wade
Through such a wave of bliss
AS this.
Alas, it seems to me
That we
Will have to make this "wave"
Our grave!
Somebody throw a rope
OF hope,
Or we must settle down
And drown!
James Larkin Pearson
The fool-killer., 1916-01-01

If Ford does succeed in pick
ing up the war by the tail and
slapping it's CUTS out against the
Alps, Morgan never will forgive
him.
The fool-killer., 1916-01-01
THE TARIFF.

The Tariff is just like we fixed
it last time it was fixed. And if
we fix it again we must try to fix
The Redwood gazette. [volume] (Redwood Falls, Minn.) 1873-1940, 1916-04-19

James Longbottom had charge
Of the Farmers Elevator the
past week during the absence of
w. R. Goudy who was superin-
tending the building of "a brood
er house on his farm.
Mrs. James Dufield is up
from Clara City on a visit to
her son, Archie DeFrance, and
wife.
County Attorney Emerson was
over from Lamberton Tuesday
on legal business
Mike Wagner and family were
Redwood Falls visitors Friday.
The Misses Barbara and Their
esa frost were Vesta visitors
Friday.
Sheriff Hassenstab was bust
ness visitor hele the first part
of the week.
Helen Stegner, of Redwood
Falls, was a Sunday guest in
the Geo. Davis home.
The Redwood gazette. [volume] (Redwood Falls, Minn.) 1873-1940, 1916-04-19

Mrs. J. Riordan, and son,
Leonard, were shoppers at Wal
nut Grove last Monday.
John Grotte and Martin Bor-
seth of Walnut Grove visited
with Lawrence Severson last
Sunday.
Sam hamburger was busy
buying his groceries Saturday,
as he moved out on his farm
northwest of town. It's to be
1.-The good bachelor days" for
Sam through summer.
0. Christensen and wife
spent Wednesday at the home
Of Ed. Flick.
O. B. Bakken was a Walnut
Grove caller Wednesday.
The Tiers on Mrs. Ed. Nor
ris' farm began their work on
Monday, the crew being man.
aged by Tom Bennett of Lam
berton.
Little Chas. Nelson, who hal
been very sick with pneumonia /
is slowly improving. =
Mrs. John Johnson and chill
dren left Saturday for Monte
video with her mother at that
place.
Our mail carrier, Mr.. Wal
ker, had quite a smash-up last
Monday, Got into one of their
favorite mud holes out north
and broke up his rig so badly
that he had to walk back to
town for a new outfit before he
could finish up his route. Luc-
ky you are a walker, Mr.. Walk
err, or you might have been
there yet.
The farmers around Revere
have been busy with their field
work the past few days, all
though they complain Of it be-
ing pretty wet.
The Redwood gazette. [volume] (Redwood Falls, Minn.) 1873-1940, 1916-04-19
NORTH REDWOOD

Miss Helen Mann, of Mime
apolis, came Saturday to visit
relatives here and at Redwood
Falls.
Ambrose and Willard Warner,
of Morgan, spent Saturday and
Sunday with Tommie Hoskin.
Mr.. and Mrs. John Schleuter
went to Franklin Tuesday OF last
week.
Alta Castle, of Redwood Falls,
spent Sunday at her home.
Eva Henze, of Northfield,
came Saturday to spend her
spring vacation with her par
ents. Mr.. and Mrs. H. w. Shoe
maker. ;.
Mr.. and Mrs. Henry Froelich
and children of Waseca are Wis
ting the latter's parents, Mr..
ind Mrs. Steve Hoskin:
y Elsie Tradewell spent a few
DAYS of last week with her aunt,
Mrs. E. N. Swan.
The Redwood gazette. [volume] (Redwood Falls, Minn.) 1873-1940, 1916-04-19
SEAFORTH NEWS

Clyde Davis and wife visited
at the Fred Brake home at
Milroy one day recently.
Mrs. Jennie Orth and family
autoed to Redwood Falls Thurs
day.
Carl Dahl and Lena Froelich
the daughter of Mr.. and Mrs.
Paul Froelich, were married at
Redwood Falls Monday of last
week.
Mrs. Archie DeFrance is at
her own home and is getting
along nicely after a couple Of
months siege of serious illness
Mrs. DeFrance was able to walk
up town the last of the week.
Ruth Cloudy is home from
Mortified for the spring vaca-
ton.
The Redwood gazette. [volume] (Redwood Falls, Minn.) 1873-1940, 1916-04-19


Miss Ora Virgins spent the
past week in the cities. She
went to attend the Tri-T Telephone
convention.
Steve Brown, the barber from
Sanborn, was a pleasant caller
in town last Wednesday.
Mr.. Thompson, the piano tun-
er, from Bookings, S. D. was
a caller in town last Friday.
Alfred Nelson was a visitor
in the cities the past week. Mr..
Cheshire taking his place at the
D. A. Malloy store during his
absence.
Mr.. and Mrs. J. F. Hesnault
and Prof. and Mrs. T. S. Tor
gerson autoed to Tracy Satur-
day morning.
Mrs. E. w. Weeks and son,
Elmer, returned to Window Sat-
urday morning after a weeks
visit with relatives and friends.
The Silver Medal Contest
which was he'd at the auditori-
UNI Friday evening was very
we'll attended. The medal was
won by Mrs. Don Remington.
Mr.. Subilia from Tracy was a
caller in town Friday.
Mrs. Lovejoy from Redwood
Falls is visiting friends in and
around town here for a few
weeks.
Miss Belva HARDWOOD assisted
at the telephone office the past
week.
w. Greenholtz returned from
the cities the latter part of last
week, being called there on ac-
count of his mothers operation.
Mrs. T. M. Gjestrum and baby
are visiting relatives at St. Paul.
DR.. C. J. Remington returned
from Rochester last Thursday
after a few weeks stay in that
city.
Miss Agnes Rundy visited her
sister, Gladys, over Sunday.
Miss Lulu Carey was a pas
senger to Tracy Saturday be-
tween trains.
Mr.. and Mrs. F. A. Evans au-
toed down from Bookings, S.
D., Saturday for a visit with
friends and relatives.
The Redwood gazette. [volume] (Redwood Falls, Minn.) 1873-1940, 1916-04-19
REVERE NEWS ITEMS

Mrs. A. Pierson was a Ira
cy caller last Tuesday.
Fred Pick and family spent
last Friday at the home of
Henry Churchill.
Chas. Nicholas and S. c..
Warwick transacted business at
Lamberton last Tuesday.
Miss Lydia Hiemann spent a
few days with Ed. Fisk last
week.
F. Sixbury returned from his
visit at Woodward, Iowa, where
he has been visiting relatives
and friends for a few days.
0. B. Bakken is assisting the
Flick Bros. with their spring
work.
Mrs. M. Ziskin was a Walnut
Grove caller between trains
last Tuesday.
Mrs. Ed. Nelson returned to
her home last Tuesday after a
few days visit with her par
ents, Mr.. and Mrs. Boelke,
north of town.
Chas. Sawyer of Marshall
was a Sunday visitor with his
brothers, Chef and Ray.
Edward Flick returned from
Rochester Saturday, where he
had been for medical treatment
Mrs. M. Ziskin left Tuesday
for the cities where she will
spend a few weeks visiting rel
atives and friends, Mr.. M. lis
kin leaving Saturday for an
over Sunday visit with them.
The Redwood gazette. [volume] (Redwood Falls, Minn.) 1873-1940, 1916-04-19

Mrs. Dorothy Steinke and
sons, Kermit and Philip, spent
Saturday and Sunday with Mrs.
Steinke's parents, Mr.. and Mrs.
H. Larson, of Sleepy Eye, re-
turning Sunday.
Miss Bertha Philips, who has
been spending her spring vaca-
ton with her parents at Mime
apolis returned Sunday.
Mrs. Chas. Brandt went to
Delhi Monday to visit parents,
Mr.. and Mrs. Boehm.
Mrs. H. E.. Wuenne has been
enjoying a visit from her sis
ter, Mrs. Grindeman of Morgan.
Center Baldwin of the Red
wood Falls Normal is spending
this week at the North Redwood
school, with Miss Phillips.
Mrs. F. M. Shoemaker and
Miss Omen went to Minneapolis
Saturday morning, returning
Saturday night.
The Weiss house is being re-
built.
Mary Tradewell spent Satur-
day and Sunday with Mary
Green and Mary Janotta of Nor
gan, returning Sunday.
Pat Brown, of Franklin, was
business caller here last week.
Miss Kirwan, of Olivia, is WIS.,
iting at the ]. R. Keefe home
this week.
Mrs. Anna Roper, of Redwood
Falls, is spending a few days
with her daughter, Mrs. Shoe
maker.
Steve Hoskins Jr. went to
Waseca Monday.
Guy Ellis has purchased a
new cara Maxwell roadster.
The Redwood gazette. [volume] (Redwood Falls, Minn.) 1873-1940, 1916-04-19

Friday until Sunday at the home
of their parents, Mr.. and Mrs.
]. K. Nelson, of Wayburne.
"A College Town a three-act
farce comedy was presented by
the students of the Morgan high
school at the Clements hall Sat-
urday evening, April Is. On ac-
count of the bad weather the
crowd was small.
A. F. Ellis returned to Nor
gan Sunday.
John Kilgas was a Redwood
Falls caller Sunday.
Miss Anna Jensen spent Sum-
day at the home of her parents.
Mr.. and Mrs. Hans Jensen of
Redwood Falls.
Valerious Hopfenspirger of
Clements visited friends and
relatives here Friday evening.
The Redwood gazette. [volume] (Redwood Falls, Minn.) 1873-1940, 1916-04-19
WANDA WANDERINGS

Miss Clara BOrte returned
from Marshall Saturday, where
she is attending high school
for a weeks visit with her par
ents, Mr.. and Mrs. P. J. Borte.
Louis Holznagel was a Wanda
visitor Saturday.
E.. Doepke was a Sanborn call
er Saturday.
Alfred Eichten from New Ulm
is home for a short visit.
Miss Ora Frasch, Of LANDER
ton, visited the past week with
her sister, Mrs. VIM. Homie, Of
this place.
Alfred and Della Balfany left
Saturday for a weeks visit with
relatives at Mankato.
A. j. Balk made trip to San
born Saturday.
Fl. l.. Barth from Minneapolis
was i'm town on business We'd
:nesday.
VIM. Benz was a Sanborn call
er last Monday.
Mrs. VIM. Benz returned Mon
day from short visit with rela-
tives at Revere.
P. Eichten, Of New Ulm, was
seen in town last Monday.
Miss Helen Jenniges was a
Sanborn visitor Saturday.
P. B. Jenniges made trip to
Redwood Falls Thursday.
E.. Doepke was a caller at Wa
basso last Thursday.
Miss Jessie Smith returned
Wednesday from Thief River.
Wis, and has resumed her work
at school.
Ed. Homie from New Ulm was
seen in town last Monday.
P. B. Jenniges was at Wa
basso Saturday.
P. Doepke was a business call
er at Sanborn Thursday.
John Moelter purchased a
new Ford from the Wanda Ga
rage last week.
Rev. and Mrs. T. Tychsen left
for Comfrey Saturday.
A. Spalding left Saturday for
Mankato, Rochester and Winona.
Mr.. Chamberlain, State high
school Inspector, visited the
Wanda school Friday and re-
ported the school and its equip
ment in first class condition.
Stark, the Wabasso barber,
makes a weekly visit to Wanda.
VIM. Doepke left Monday for
New Ulm and Winthrop.
Joe Altenberg and Emil Het-
linger returned to New Ulm Sat-
urday.
An Easter dance is to be CIV
en- at the Wanda opera house,
April "a. Music by the Lam
berton Imperial Orchestra, and
supper to be served at the Com
mercial Hotel.
The Redwood gazette. [volume] (Redwood Falls, Minn.) 1873-1940, 1916-04-19
MORGAN NEWS

Mrs. C. G.. Sasse visited at
Redwood Falls Tuesday.
Mrs. E. Schultz and daughter
Alma, visited friends at New
Ulm Sunday and Monday.
Rev. Stewart Shells returned
Thursday from Candy where he
attended the spring meeting Of
the Mankato Presbytery.
Herbert Meyer, of Minneap-
oils, is visiting at the home of
Mr.. and Mrs. Henry Gluth.
julius Honl arrived here from
Sleepy Eye Monday to visit
friends and relatives.
Mr.. and Mrs. Henry Otto Wis
tied at Redwood Falls Monday.
Harry George and wife Wis
tied friends at Redwood Fails
Tuesday.
Otto Lieder returned Monday
after short visit to CORTLAND.
Mrs. E. Meierding returned
Monday after visit with
friends at Echo.
Mr.. and Mrs. Chas. LANDER
ton visited at the home OF Mr..
and Mrs. w. H. Ball Monday.
Mr.. and Mrs. VIM. Hostetter
of New Ulm returned Tuesday
after visiting a few days at the
home Of A. P. Metag.
There will be a dance at the
Morgan city hall Monday, April
"a. The Morgan Orchestra will
furnish music for the occasion.
August Kopischke and Ferd
Dittbenner were Redwood Fails
visitors Monday.
A carload Of cattle was
shipped to South St. Paul Mon
day evening by T. H. Croker.
Hans Moe, Of Sleepy Eye, was
a Morgan visitor Monday.
Mike Heinen, contractor, and
his crew left for their home at
New Ulm Tuesday evening. Mr..
Heinen had just finished build
ing a barn for Ferd Gluth.
Mrs. Lars George and Mrs.
Harry George visited friends at
Evan Monday.
R. F. Wherland Of Redwood
Falls visited friends here Mon
day.
The dedication of the new
State Bank building took place
Monday. A large crowd looked
over the building.
Miss Mary Treadwell of North
Redwood visited friends here
from Friday till Sunday.
Miss Ruth Sheriff., former
principal of the Morgan high
school, visited friends here Sat-
urday and Sunday.
Mr.. and Mrs. Clarence Hillig
Of Redwood Falls visited at the
home of Mr.. Hillig's parents,
Mr.. and Mrs. John Hillig.
Miss Jennie Hartwick, who
teaches school near Morton, |
spent the latter part of the week
with her mother, Mrs. Joe Hart,
wick.
Misses Alma and Emma Mel
son who attend the Redwood
Falls high school, visited from
The Redwood gazette. [volume] (Redwood Falls, Minn.) 1873-1940, 1916-04-19
WALNUT GROVE

Geo. Cooler, the piano tuner
from Lamberton, made his reg
ular trip here last Thursday.
Mr.. and Mrs. Jacob Tillisch
from Westbrook visited their
son, Fred, and family here the
past week. They left Wednes-
day for Tracy to visit another
son.
Mrs. julie Grant visited her
daughter, Mrs. III. F. Ankrum,
at Balaton the past week.
The Redwood gazette. [volume] (Redwood Falls, Minn.) 1873-1940, 1916-04-19
Advertised Letters
Redwood Fails, Minnesota, c. A.
Lauterbach Postmaster.

Czapiewski, Joseph.
Hoffman, Mr.. Fred.
Kohler, Horth.
Mckay, Mr.. N.
Richardson.
Waters, Mrs. Lewis.
Welles, Mr.. Levi Hays.
The Redwood gazette. [volume] (Redwood Falls, Minn.) 1873-1940, 1916-04-19
LUTHERAN CHURCH
A. Schaller, Pastor

On Good Friday Holy Com
munion will be celebrated dur
ing the German services, which
begin at ten o'clock.
In the afternoon Rev. Karl
Koehler of Wauwatosa, Wis,
will deliver an English Lenten
sermon, the services beginning
at three o'clock.
! On Easter Day there will be
German services in the after
noon at half past two.
The Redwood gazette. [volume] (Redwood Falls, Minn.) 1873-1940, 1916-04-19

Complaints are being made OF
chickens running at large. Own
ers must keep them locked up
or they will be dealt with UNI
der the ordinance. G. A. Luscher,
Mayor.