River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1916-10-19
FINNEGAN'S PHILOSOPHY
%OOCO
Pitiless Publicity.


Ash Cam says I. Twas all right on
the stump, but in Washin'ton It's
differ. The Harp that wanst through
Trenton's halls'-I name Tumulty.
Whin he bursts into song now he picks
his chune!
'Tis not that Prisidint Wilson is
less public than Candydate Wilson
He's less pitiless. TITS like the show
man. He tells We all, an more, about
tn illyfant, but he has mintal res'va-
shune about the spotted baby.
$50 it is wild Wilson. He's sof'ned
the hard heart iv 'Pitiless Publicity.
How about the POstmasters? axes
the refawrumers. Wen niver tell ye,'
says the C'mishun. For why? says
the League 'T'wid embar'ss tn Ad-
ministhrashun,' says the Cmishun.
And the people laughs. 'Ye fired tn
Hid iv the Cinsus.' says Hughes. 'Ye
1ie,' says Redfield. He raysined wild
out bein' axed,' says he. 'Ye lie yer
SELF says Durand. 'Ye towld me ye'd
fire me, an We gev me place to
po'tician.' says Durand. Txac'ly fwhat
/ said yells Pink Whiskers, 4 was
gOin' to fire ye anyway but niver
axed We to raysine,' says Pinky. An
the people roarS.
""Tell us about all thin Dishurvin'
Dimmycrats,' says the people. An
Washin'ton is sweep be a storm iv
silence.
"But doan't We think there's no pub
licity at all. Teddy himself was none
gunshy with the papers, but he cud
be quiet. too.
Gwen grab some land in Vinzu-
eely, says the Ambassydure.
'temprily,' says he. Yell not says
Teddy, yen agree TO arbitrate,' says
he, 'or,' he says, in tin days Dewey'n
be there says Teddy.
"'Me Ry'le Masther will niver con-
sint,' says TIL other. Thin says Ted
dy, I'll sind Dewey at wanst. There's
no use waitin',' Teddy says. How'd
'em,' says the Ambassydure. We
agree says he,-an' divil a bit did we
know how it was for dozen year.
''We1l have Ferdy Carey alive, or
the Bashi Bazook dead says Teddy,
an back comes Ferdy. An the papers
says On densnd iv the State Depart
ment Ferdy Carey has been released
An that's ALL
'HOw is it now? The greaSers
slaughtered twinty at Sanity Isabel. An
other Mexican Crisis says the head
lines, "Twinty Americans killed. they
C01
'Ates Bacon and Eggs. Plays Goluf,'
says the headlines. An the paper
goes on:
THE Prisidint's appytite at break
fast was good, tn leader iv the ma
shun gettin' outside iv' grape fruit,
bacon an eggs, hot biscuit an coffee.
Whin Docther Grayson announced the
bill iv fare the tinshun over Mexico
was much relaved.
THE Prisidint is sOlvin' in privacy
the fateful question, will me throat
last?' The answer is waited wild few
erish anxiety
"MOndah, the papers says 'NaShun-
al Disaster? Sore Throat Feared, Pan
ic at the Capital The Prisidint Calm.
Consideration was spread AMONG
all classes today be the report that
the Prisidint awOke with sore throat.
Strong men tainted before they cud
reach the nearest saloon. There is
talk iv appintin' a day iv prayer. 1t
is hoped that Senior Arre-ye-On-thOug
will claim thai the dead Americans
raysisted iXicushun. A high authority
states that this wud end the crisis.
The PriSidint made but wan remark
"Av they'd not been there they'd not
iv been kilt"
''Choosdah, they says, Hope revives.
No sore throat. Bitten by insect.
Prisidint calm. All Phrases iv Mat
Their to be considered.
1.-The anxiety in the Capital was re-
laved today be the fOllOWin' bulletin:
"'"The Prisidint has q slight per-
fOratiOn in the cuticle over the infery-
ure maximary caused by insect bitin
him whin asleep. The patient was too
proud to scratch. (Slgned) Graysoh."
lit is reported also that Gineral
Scott will go to the border to bury the
dead, and apologize to the insurgents.
He will axe CarranZy, whether he Wud
accept loan if offered. This is con
sidered the thrue Sutton iv the diff
Guilty.
"Winsdah the Prisidnt goes motor
in, Thursdah he writes a note and
Gineral Scott starts for the border.
Fridah the headlines says Peace III
Europe near. Prisidint studyin' terms.
Will he stop the war? Another note
expected. Capital excited over report.
but we're cOmfOrted be bein' towM
the Prisidint will not be betrayed
into hasty ackshun.
"Sundah, he's considerin' tn Ar
menyan question, an MOndah he adj
vises Grandmothers about suckin'
eggs. And another crisis is past.
$50 it goes ivry day. AS | was say
in, there's a'plenty publicity, but It's
not the brand iv 1912"