davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Penn's Grove record., 1916-06-23
DOWN GLASSESI

The London Spectator says: 1--WE
u fight the Germans with both
hands and not with one hand grasp
ing a glass of beer or spirits" Anc
the New York Independent properly
asks: IF a man needs two hands to
fight with successfully, how can he get
along effectively with fewer to work
with? If a nation at war cannot spare
a hand to hold the liquor glass. how
can a people at peace?" And then II
sensibly says: Someone should move
to amend the Down Glasses program
by striking out the word temporary
The Penn's Grove record., 1916-06-23
Strict UtHitarian.

Assistant-This cut is entirely
spoiled.
The Foreman-,What is wrong with
It?
ut is so botched up that 1 can't
make head or tail out Of it."
We'll, scratch 1t up a little more
and we'll print 1t rs the picture Of a
burning Zeppelin. "--Youngstown Tele-
gram.
The Penn's Grove record., 1916-06-23
imI and Proper.

so 1t was once your ambition 10
have a bushes of your own?"
Yes"
But your ship didn't come in, ehf
That's too bad!"
"Oh. l don't know. l found that
there was plenty Of stevedore work
to be done unloading other peoples
ships, so l got along pretty WELL"
The Penn's Grove record., 1916-06-23
Complete Failure,

Il read a joke the other day about
wife by bawling it up the speaking
tube as he went out the front doo- of
the apartment"
Tried it, Ell? How did 1t work."
Didn't work. My wife must have
read the same joke. She let a kettle
of soapsuds come down the tube just
as | started to whistle up"
The Penn's Grove record., 1916-06-23
A Great Loss.

$50 your a was stolen?"
YES"
81 would worry; perhaps it will be
recovered"
I'm not worrying about the car;
that was insured. But l had six gall
Ions Of gasoline in the tank and I
can't afford to stand that loss"
The Penn's Grove record., 1916-06-23
Await His Coming With Patience

In u uttermost need, when per-
haps we have almost ceased to look
for any deliverance, he will come; and
when he comes he will speak, If not
the word Of power with which he
called forth Lazarus. yet The word of
neace.-Rev. It. V. Fosberg.
The Penn's Grove record., 1916-06-23
The Silver Lining.

The Tender-Hearted Cook-"No bad
news, l 'ope, ma'am?"
The Mistress-"The masters been
wounded"
The Cook-"There now, ma'am;
don't let that worry you. They tells
me they can patch EN- up SOS they're
better than before."-London Sketch.
The Penn's Grove record., 1916-06-23
Parental Conscience.

my boy Josh has got me kind o.
worried" said Farmer Corntossel.
Amt he behavin'?" asked the
neighbor.
Il hadn't thought about that. What
I'm wonderin' is whether / kin spruce
up an be the kind of q father he
thinks he's entitled to-" ~
The Penn's Grove record., 1916-06-23
Warming up.

Il noticed you ~applauded nearly
every point the speaker made"
Yes, l did"
You must have been greatly i'm
pressed by his speech"
Not at all. My hands were cold"
The Penn's Grove record., 1916-06-23
Hereditv.

Mother-Geraldine's teacher says
she Is on the merit roll again.
Grandmother-She's her fathers
girl, bless her! Hiram always did the
most meretricious work!-Judge.
The Penn's Grove record., 1916-06-23
An Embarrassment.

Are o complaining about the
price of gasoline?"
Il should say l am" replied Farmer
Corntossel. These city folk that
oome ridin' around here haven't money
enough to pay their fines when they
get arrested"
The Penn's Grove record., 1916-06-23
Got Both Jobs.

Head Of Business-What position d
you desire in our establishment, 81 1
College Graduate - Oh, something
like confidential adviser or general.
manager.
Head of Business-Good! You may
have both jobs. 1 will make you an
Office boy.-Dallas News.
The Penn's Grove record., 1916-06-23
His Finish.

Harker-Old Gotrox has made an
assignment for the benefit of his credi-
tors.
Parker = You don't sayi What
caused his financial embarrassment?
Harker-Overwork.
Parker-Why, how could that be?
Harker-His two sons and a son-in-
law worked him for all he was worth.
The Penn's Grove record., 1916-06-23
Homo Revived.

Got some data now to go on" de-
clared Diogenes, speaking of his
search for an honest man.
What's that?"
THE income tax statements sent
ln."-Louisville Courier-Journal.
The Penn's Grove record., 1916-06-23
Same Old Thing.

"Pop?"
We'll Ernst?'
What is meant by the expression,
The course of true love never runs
SMOOTH"
That, my boy, is the same as The
Rocky Road to Dublin"
The Penn's Grove record., 1916-06-23
The Prudent RrIaand.

A brigand is a boastful bluff.
OF bold, bad men he seems the worst
Until you start to treat him rough
And then he hikes for safety first.
The Penn's Grove record., 1916-06-23
Their Effect.

Miss Wayne can shoot such
~glances at one under those long eye
lashes."
BE careful; her shooting glances
have a killing effect"
The Penn's Grove record., 1916-06-23
Poor Dubwaite.

Why the panied expression? ?"
"Dubwaite has been trying to tell
me a funny story"
Had you heard 1t before?"
1 don't know. He forgot how it
ended"
The Penn's Grove record., 1916-06-23
A Tribute to Her Skill.

A maid who has a winning way
Is Arabella Ridge;
IT'S chiefly shown, her friends all say,
When she is playing bridge.
The Penn's Grove record., 1916-06-23

Would you love me If l wus poor.
Evangelino?"
"Oh, yes"
Den I'll break it gently to you.
I've lost me nickel down a sewer!"
The Penn's Grove record., 1916-06-23

isn't it strange that Tightwad
should donate that large sum toward
the purchase of a bell for the new
church,"
mo, that's natural. He always likes
to put his money where he can hear
it ring"
The Penn's Grove record., 1916-06-23
IL Isn't There.

do you believe that music has a re-
filming infiuence?"
oh, yes" replied the man of es-
thetic tastes, but l fail to see what
uplift it has when a vaudeville per-
former plays a piano with his foot"
The Penn's Grove record., 1916-06-23

g NdgS g

Conducted by the National Woman's
Christian Temperance Union.)
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1916-11-24
Advertising Hates
Blu One
Majoritu
Genevieve Ulmar


Copyright. isie. BY W. q. chapman)
II was pretty we'll understood In
Fairfield that Grace Waldron had two
lovers who were deadly in earnest in
the race for her hand. Both were
young lawyers. That was quite nat
ural, for Mr.. Waldron was Judge
and his intimate acQuaintanoes were
likely to include principally those Of
the profession.
II really don't know" smiled Grace
artiessly whom questioned by her
closest girl friends 90 to her prefer.
erence-''maybe neither"
Nonsense" reiterated blunt Dottie
Jones. They arc the only pick Of the
town."
AND Td have either Of them II they
asked mel" declared Kate Rushton.
with laughing sigh.
Fate will decide" soismniy pro
nounced Madge Brooks, who had stud.
iod astrology and impressed ell her
friends with her superior knowledge
Of tea grounds. And Fate did, but
in the oldest manner In the world
none other than the medium Of Q man
with one side Of his mustache out OF
and the other q bright vivid green.
The possessor Of this curtailed hir-
suite appendage came staggering down
the street one afternoon Just 40 Grace
was going TO tennis party. He was
all unconscious Of his ludicrous ap-
pearance. For Q moment he halted 1t
the fence. stupidity surveyed the group
beyond II, let go his hold, nearly fell
down and then reeled on his way.
Most Of the players were laughing.
especially Ellis Deane. He was chuck.
ling, vastly entertained.
Hired the barber to decorate him."
he vouchsafed. "Feliow belongs down
at the creek settlement. Tipped the
barber q quarter to shave him right.
Send him home no his own folks won't
know himi"
And suppose he has q mother7"
Intercepted Grace solemnly. She was
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1916-11-24
TYPEWRITER IN FIRST PLACE
Was Actually invented Before Anyona
Had Thought About the Mod.
srn Steel Pen. Il

Long ago, when Romans and 0reehn
wished 10 write, they used wax tablets
instead Of paper. which they know
nothing about. and their pen was
called 0 stylus. The stylus IL q pen1
Gil made Of iron or other metal, shnrp
Ut one end and blunt at the other. Thd
sharp end was used to scratch the
surface Of tho wax and tho blunt end
was used as IN eraser.
II you had lived In oldsn tines I'd
Egypt probably you would have used
skins ON which TO write your letters
~ later time, pnpyrus, or certain
kind of leaf, was used. The ink was
simply black paint, thinned out, and
the pen was brush. by and by some
forgotten genius tried q reed, which
was used instead.
Our great-grandfathers used Quilia
for pens. Goose quilts were mostly
used, and quilts Of erow4 feathers
were for fine writing.
We have TO 60 back only 30 100 d
500 the manufacture Of tho FIRST steel
pens. They were made In London
and In the form Of O tube, but now
they are rolled out Of fine steel.
II 10 o CURIOUS fact that the type
writer, which has 30 largely taken the
place Of the pen, actually was invent
Cd before tho steel pen. An early I'D
the year lit typewriter was pata
snted In England, but II was not untfl
1e2e that O practical machine was
made.
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1916-11-24
Why They Had No Pickles.

Rations In the southern navy wore
mighty scarce In 1884. Coffee ana
bareback were the mainstays Of ON
esrs and crews. The officers OF q
small gunboat discovered some UNI
guarded federal stores and started t0
appropriate them. They succeeded
snly In getting large bottle of pickles.
when they were attacked BY Union
troops. They ran TO their small boat
end made the gunboat In safety. An
hat afternoon tho officers thought d
tAsse pickles, and how good they
would taste at evening mess. The
0ess steward was q black field hand.
WAo knew little about anything but
seohn pone." When the mess was an
a0unced that night all hands trooped
Aslow IN eager anticipation. The mesaI
table held only coffee and hardtack 1
% pickles In sight. The lieutenant
On command said TO tho steward
look here. Culpeper, what did you
On with those pickles7 Why are they
mot on tho tablet" "Picki'sf pichi'sf
Al DON know muffin bout no pickl'aI
mh." Eyes. you do. Don't you know
eAose small cucumbers IN the glass IN
Tat we got from the Yanksf' son
eswcumbehsf Yessir. All known bou1
Hsm, but An done frowed um evan
eai1l ~ dsas turnea sowah.. ~
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1916-11-24
HEARD IN BEL AIIt.
How Had Backs Have Iseen Made
Strong. kidney Ills Corrected.

How Had Backs Have Been Made
strong..Kidney Ills Corrected.
All over Bel Air You hear IL. Dosn',
K,dnsv Din. 90. Lasn;no m ,ha oooa
N''n'S nn' ie Noop'"s w '"o gov.
WORK Bel AR people are telling abou,
"-.e"'ng oi paa Dachs mace souhc
again. you can DeIieve the testimony
Of your own townspeople. They tell II
for the benefit of you who are suffering
7, 49,. - -. /, no., 80, -
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1916-11-24

The first colony of Icelanders b ess
tnbliah themselves on the American
continent arrived at Lake Iaosseau
August 30, 1872. and there began tha
pioneer Canadian settlement Of theiR
people. This was the beginning Of d
considerable immigration Of lceland1
ers to America. The frst party con-
sisted Of more than 100 men, women
and children. but only about q dozen
families settled In tho Canadian coli
ony. The remainder scattered ovek
Canada and few went on TO wiscon}
sin. Since then thousands Of Iceland
ers--perhaps inspired by tho old Icsl
iandic sages Of Eric the Red, whoso
son Left 10 said to have voyaged q
America Ave centuries before Column
bus-have enigrated to America, most
Of them settling In western Cnnada
and the northwestern states. They
have made sturdy, intelligent patriots.
Vilhjalmur Stefansson, the dlstint
guished explorer. comes from Iceland
70 stock. his parents having emigrated
from Iceland and settled In Manitoba
. year or two before viihjalmuS wa
born In 1879.
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1916-11-24
Forest Hill State Bank
FOREST HILL, MD.
Bad To Have A Cold Hang On.

and become chronic when Dr.. Belts PIne-Taf
Honey Will help you. II heals the In Illumination.
soothes the cough and loosens the phlegm. You
Honey y q laxative Tar Syrup, the pine tar
balsam heals the raw spots. loosens the mucous
and prevents irritation Of the bronchial tubes
today. Its guaranteed 70 hello You. Al drugdsts
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1916-11-24
"Moye up Thero.S

Sandy boarded O somewhat crowded
tramcar and had to stand. Tho caz
started on It's way once again. and q
little later pulled up TO permit 90
other passenger TO get on. The con
ductor told Sandy TO move up o BID
which Sandy. always eager to oblige
did. Some few minutes later thora
was q grinding Of brakes. and onos
more the car stopped. This time an
old lady of seventy stepped on. Sandy
was again required TO move up
Sandy thereupon moved up.
At the next stepping place there was
another halt. Two children boarded
the car, and the request for Sandy "a
move up was repeated.
A little farther on Sandy reached hiG
destination. and prepared TO leave the
car. He got a. far as the step. when
the conductor gtpped him by the arm
and pulled him back.
"Fare pleased" he cried.
Fare be blowedi" exclaimed Sandy
why, mon alive, I've been walking
all tho way!"
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1916-11-24
SHE KEPT DRESS scRAPBo0K
u Gave Young Woman q Glimpse u
tho History Of Al Her
Frooka.

"Tt's one of my most cherished Dos
sessions, and I love II for the memo
ries-some pleasant, some sad--that 70
recalls"
A girl was showing one Of her
friends q volume that bore the title.
'Taura's Dress History" OutwardlyI
remarks q writer In the Youths Com,
panion, II appeared to DO an ordinary
scrap album, but inside there were
none of the usual pictures; instead,
the leaves were decorated with squares
Of cloth Of many different kinds and
cOl0rA
II began this when I was 0 very
little GIRL" Laura explained. II 70.
member that II was one day whom
mother showed me O roll Of pieces.
There were bits of my first colored
dresses. I was pasting pictures in my
scrapbook, and the idea occurred to
me TO use scraps of my dresses instead
Of the pictures. Mother gave me q
square Of each piece and taught me
how TO paste them in place.
sAB grew older thought of other
things that would add to the interest
Of the book. 30 underneath each
lock I described how that particular
dress was made. Sometimes I drew
q little pattern picture, sometimes !
wrote description. Then, too. I wrote
anything Of interest connected with
the dress-when It was bought, made
and FIRST worn, who gave II % ne Il
Il Glanced TO DO present au1 oehss
incidents such e this-s
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1916-11-24

AL DRESSED up IN SARDINIA
Men Of Llttls.known Island Appear q
u They Were Ready Tor ]
Medieval Pageant. X

Large white sleeves beneath tn
slashed sleeves OF his Jacket, q fun
short bright-colored skirt and close
hitting white trousers, tucked into
nigh boots or ieggIngs, constitute tha
typical attire Of the Sandman. Ond
would think that native thus bedighe
had stepped from his place In q pal
geant Of the middle ages instead a
being CARRIED In the customary cos}
tune for feast days.
In some districts Of the island tn
men wear pointed cap resembling q
Phrygian bonnet. long and narrow like
q stocking, reaching almost 10 thd
waist This point IL either worn
down over the shoulders or folded on
top Of tho head, and may BIO used a
q pillow at night. II Ia apt TO contain
anything from bread to snuff, which q
indispensable to the older Sard. A
queer custom Of some of the youngoE
men 10 to lot the hair on top OF their
heads grow often to 10 inches ID
length, and then roll II up into pun
which looks like o pompadour. acrosl
the forehead. I
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1916-11-24

not one of tho smiling ones. 6ho
faced Deane with grave eyes bearing
an expression he did not at oil fancy.
lie tried TO laugh II off. but felt that
he had made O decidedly bad impress
sion.
He with Boyd Lester comprised tho
duo of rivals for the hand Of Grace.
80 far his brilliant, aggressive ways
had impressed her friends with the be-
lief that eventually Grace would favor
this sutton. Lester was more quiet.
Both young men were candidates for
the vacant circuit judgeship Of tho
county. Il was pretty well understood
that Judge Waldron would favor the
one who succeeded in winning the
election.
The cheap. heartless trick which
Deane Wanted somehow made o 80
rious impression on the mind of
Grace. She noted that II was shared
by Lester. although the latter made
no comment, but his face was plying
as the unfortunate young man from
the creek settlement went on his I'M
steady way, turned into O wooded lot
Just beyond the Waldron grounds. and
for the time being at least gave up
the task Of finding his way home by
lying down under q bush and forget
ting life and Ito activities in sodden
slumber.
Grace was preoccupied all the after
noon. She avoided Deane and he no
ticed IT, Hers was tender heart.
Memory, too. had been busy. She re-
called q cousin who had fallen O VIC
tim TO the lure OF the wine cup at
the acme Of ambition, always q grief
with the devoted relatives who had
seen his promised life cut short.
Il wish you would remain o little
after the others leave" she said 10
Lester, and he was in the seventh
heaven Of delight at the words. Then
when the others had departed she
came to the retired garden seat where
he unobtrusiyely awaited her. She
was embarrassed aud flushed as she
sat down beside him.
You are a good friend. Mr.. Lester"
she. said. "and I felt you would be
glad 10 help me out of some trouble
some anxieties."
You have but TO command me-
assured Lester loyalty.
The poor unfortunate who passed
By here upon whom Mr.. Deane had
played the sorry trick-you remember
h&nfs
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1916-11-24
The Farmer

TIE farmer Ia the man Who feeds
Us all. II the farmer should quit
work the whole world would have
TO 10 out Of business. He 10 the
most important factor In the world
today = always has been - always
will be.
This bank has many farmer
patrons. Farmers are conducting
their business along modern lines
these days, the same as other bust
meas men. They are the solid, re-
liable. men Of the community and
every bank has reason TO feel proud
Of lis farmer friends. The accom-
modations Of our bank are always
at the disposal Of the farmers. You
are invited to make our bank your
headquarters when In town. Our
interests are mutual, and we will
be glad TO serve you.
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1916-11-24
Az the Years 90 BY.

The poor but otherwise honest
young man had Just filed his applica
tion for the hand of the millionaire's
only daughter.
Alas" sighed the old man, things
are not as they were when I was
youngl Folks used to walt fifty yearA
for their golden wedding. but now
they insist upon having II right at the
start"
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1916-11-24

naura 'roucned q pink einsham
square. beneath which was writtenS
sUncle James gave this 10 mo On mn
ninth birthday. The firgt time I wore
o tore the skirt" =
the lowered layn says. Boushe
July ], made July 2, worn July 4
and dyed July o. You 500. wore
70 b Q Fourth Of July celebrat1on
and ruined II with stains. But J
She laughed and pointed b ne
vhyme; 4
Sothes dyed h solid biuA x
Thsn q booked q sOod a nsw.
z have spent many happy hsurs
making my book" Laura said O. shs
closed the volume. "And now that I
am grown enjoy more than ever 10
dng down and turning tho pages -and
remembering"
The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1916-11-24
Prevent Hoo Cholera

The B. A. Thomas Hog Powder
has . record Of 96% cures of Hog
Cholera. II you feed your hogs as
directed, you need never fear hog
cholera nor any other hog disease. And
the directions are very simple, just
about what you are doing, plus q few
cents worth Of b. A. Thomas Hog
Powder 10 the feed twice week.
Usually, though, Cholera gets in
before we know II. Then II requires
ciose attention to each hog each hog
must be dosed- II you will dose
them as directed, you will save better
than 80 per cent. II you don't, the. b.
A. Thomas medicine costs you nothing.
We-not some distant manufacturer
pay your money back.
The Hartford republican. (Hartford, Ky.) 18??-1926, 1916-12-15
Children Cry
FOR FLETCHER'S
9 q 8 TO RIA
Efficient Hair Restorer.

II could hardly have been caused
by old age-the man had been bald.
headed. very bald-headed. for years
There had been a time when some
OF the innumerable preparations cal
culated TO prevent the falling out
of hair had been tried. but his hair
had ceased to fall only when not
even a fringe remained.
But the man was contented. He
wore wig-nOt a small. tight-ft-
ting one. but large. bushy one. But
one day on the street. as a wind
caught away the mans hat. his wig
was snatched, too. Bareheaded. in-
deed, the owner made "a futile grab.
then waited while small boy gave
chase.
Sonny" said the man, as he
gratefully rewarded the boy. you're
the quickest hair restorer have ev-
er found The Christian Herald.
The Hartford republican. (Hartford, Ky.) 18??-1926, 1916-12-15
Plant shrubhery in Masses.


In planting shrubs, the same gem
sfal rules should be'otserveGl lNIdss
them in groups or borders: of irreg-
ular outline. apd, remember that
.they are I'M leaf for months. but in
flower only'for.a short tims, so'sthdy
the tihting and form of foliage. rs
well as the. f5wering habit of shrubs
A good planting of shrubbery near
the highway. will screen the house
lot from public view, while admit
ting plenty of sunshine
Most of our; yards. are too open to
the passer-by. They look as though
their only use was to give pleasure
to the stranger, when they should
serve the better purpose of making
the yard quite as much a part Of the
home as the house itself.
To accomplish, this, some study is
necessary, and careful planning, but a
successful planting gives privacy to
the lawn while affording the passer-
by the great pleasure of seeing a
home which may be fully enjoyed
house and yard equally. i,
A little thought will lead the
home-builder to so plan that there is
convenient relationship TO barn
yard. garden. orchard, and lawn. The
vegetable garden should be conyen'
lent 20 kitchen and to barnyard. and
il may easily be separated from the
lawn by a flower garden, or vine
covered pergola "a pergola is an old
fashioned arbor with one side oper
The Hartford republican. (Hartford, Ky.) 18??-1926, 1916-12-15
Don't Let Your Horse Drink AT Pub
lie Troughs.

The public watering trough is
nuisance that should be abolished. II
is easy to comprehend the necessity
which compels the doing away with
the public roller towel, the bar OF
soap and public drinking cup, and
the same arguments for abolishine
the public watering trough are ap-
plicable, save that they apply 10
horse and not man
II is common knowledge that some
OF the worst diseases of horses, such
as CHAMBERS and strangles. are trans
mitted in this way. SOME OF the
transportation companies place. no
tees in their establishments to the
eject that teamsters are not TO water
at public watering troughs, under
penalty of dismissal. II is quite Ger
tain that this is the most common
means of spreading strangles (dis
temper among horses and the pub
lie watering trough should be legal
ly abolished.