The Ordway new era., 1916-09-22
FlNNEGAN'S PHILOSOPHY
BALAAM.

"Well do | mind the story" said
Finnegan. "Balnam was n highbrOw
that knowed less than his Jackass. He
LOOK an Office to curse the people.
The Jackass saved them. "Tis all in
Number Twlnty-twO. Och, hone! 'Tis
diiierent these times. The .Jackass
knew better till Balaam tanned him.
Lave me ride ye,' says Balaam, AN
I'll make ye the biggest Ass in the
wurld
"'Grcat,' says the ASS; what dye
feed?
Pork says Balaam.
Me savior says the ASS.
$50 BaIaam mounts. But soon the
Jack balks.
'Phwat Is itT says Balaam.
Snakes says the ASS; Ut looks
like the jawbone Nv me mother
"G'wan,' says BaIaam, hittin' the
Ass clip, ''tis me furren policy
he says.
"'Phwat's ut for?' axes the Ass.
"'Ut dcfinds the naShun.' says Ba-
laam.
How says the ASS.
"'Faith; : says Balaam, ut takes n
bigger ASS than you TO know that.
Lave it to Brine says Bnlaam to the
ASS; an the Jack walks on mcdita-
tin.
"'IIec, haw,' says the Ass. balkin'
an kickn'.
What nOw?' says Balnam.
"'Divil n Jackass ever seen the like
says the Ass. ut could be a frog
says he, for ut stands up in front,
and sits down behind; an It's mostly
mouth says the ASS. Ut has white
feathers. says the Jack, wild yallcr
streaks, that changes he says. to
Very Crooz Red, or Niagary Blue, an
now they're Carrysall Yaller again..
says he. 'Hivins, have I been drink
inE screams the ASS to Bnlaam.
"'Saints be praised says Balaam.
Me Watchful Waitin' can still change
its mind he says. 'G'wan. where
glory waits he says. 'G'wan. in the
service Nv Mankind says Balaam to
the ASS, touching him up. An the
Ass shuiles ahead. wavin' his ears in
admiration.
"'Heehaw! Hce-haw" says the
Jack, rearin up wild his eyes hugin
"Phwat's grippin' ye now? says
Balaam. impashunt like.
'"1 dunno says the ASS. ut looks
like the FLYNN Dutchman with So
cinlist Crew he says.
"''Tis me Ship BILL says Baaam.
Side step to the right he says;
side step to the left says he. well
tin him. Back up says Balaam.
near wrcnchin' off the Jacks jaw.
Now forward for the Merchant Ma
rine an fifty millyun pork says Ba-
laam wild n shower NV blows an the
ASS goes on thremblin'.
"'Wah-hee! Wah-hee! Wah-heer
says the Jack, shyin' so he near
threw his rider.
"'Tll learn ye to shy at me Naval
BILL says Balaam, lar-rupin' the
baste so he cud scarce stand.
aye can't pass ut widout wearin'
Republican clothes.' says the Jack In
a coarse whisper
"'Ye ASS says Balaam. Don't ye
know that amy clOes is betther nor
nakedness? G'wan. says Balaam. in
tones NV thunder. So the poor baste
lopes on, lmpin' wild pain.
"I've not time to tell ye all the ad-
ventures they had, but they KEEP on
over rough roads, now an then eros
sin ditch on a wan term plank,
which made even Balaam unaisy.
Iviry time the Jack kicked, he got
short rations an wallop. So when
the journey was near over. the poor
baste was all in. and far too proud to
fight. Any Jack-Ass can be that
when he's licked.
"Wan stormy night. the Jack blooms
into harmony like a Dimycrat Tariff
Hymn played on gaspipe wild the
feet
"Phwat ails We now?' calls Balaam,
clubbn' him wild both hands.
"'Nivver did l pass the like yells
the Ass, sweating and thremblin'. ut
says ut's an eight hour law. Oh. phwat
is ut? screams the Ass to Bulaam,
feebly waggin' his ears.
"I dinno phwat ut is meself,' says
Balaam, but know phwat ut's got
Balaam says.
"'Phwat?' axes the poor Ass.
"'Five hundther thousand votes
says Balaam, wild piOus air. 'G'wan,
We big ASS, an doant We argue wild
an Idaylist,' says Balaam to the ASS.
awe can't pass ut in the dark
pleads the Ass. Lave us wait for
light means the ASS, weepin'.
mix, says Balaam. There's hot
time comm an the votesll spile.
Do We thurst for sixteen more years
in the wilderness? Giddap,' says he,
.purgin' yer heart says Balaam, iv
iviry thought that's selfish says Ba-
laam, or personal chants Balaam to
the poor ASS ticklin' the Jacks Stats