The Washington herald., 1916-01-01
The New Year.

thoughtful SOUL having FIRST turned himself into
an animated buffet to solitude retires full of good
resolutions, full of the eggnog of human kind
ness, later to arise from his unrestful couch to
the unpleasing knowledge that nothing but brown
taste and stack OF Christmas bills differentiates
January from any other morning of the year
The man who first conceived the idea of divid-
ing time up into years fool. One makes the
statement with deliberation well aware that it may
have been Solomon or Ptoemy or Copernicus or
Omar Khayyam who perpetrated the mbecility.
Days, of course, one had to have. The flaming
steeds of the have been observed to plunge
into the wine-colored ocean about half hour
before dinner time ever since Adam and Eve left
the Garden of Eden, which appears to have shared
with Los Angeles the privilege of continuous
shine But day considered period of time
has no special significance. There too many
of them and when the mind begins to deal in
large numbers it loses exact comprehension. That
is why we customarily sign promissory notes pay
able I2o days hence-an inconceivably long time
away as it seems-when would hesitate to un-
dertake repayment after four short months.
There not the least necessity to group to-
gether a certain number of days and call them
year. But the result has been an incredible source
of painful reflection to the human They have
discovered that the span of life is paltry three
enough to take these things heart there is about
half of it left. But thirty years or so ago is
ridiculously small sum. There is hardly less than
thirty OF anything 1t is only ones ten fingers three
times over. And thirty years ago seems like yes
terday. One remembers everything that happened
perfectly. But suppose told that one
would probably die 9747 days hence. That seems
an immensely remote point of time. The figures
scarcely convey anything tangible. And if that
were the only means of reckoning the matter men
would long ago have given up brooding the
lamentabe brevity of their sojourn in this rdicu-
lously attractive vale of tears.
Therefore, repeats, the learned person who
invented the year a common object of the house
hold was from the point of view of human happi-
ness big nuisance those other strenuous
gnomes who have labored through the years to
make the bond slave of the machine.
And now chilly dawn has ushered in yet an
other Of the few and fleeting years that ours.
A moments halt, a momentary taste Of (ire)
water that is we'll amid the waSt-but why re-
pine: In 365 days from now there will be more
cggnog, more diSllusionment and probably more
philosophy. The leopard will not have changed his
spots the camel his hump. And the soft places
on the chariot of Aquarius will still be reserved
for transients. Art will still be long, time fleeting
and not the grave but the gay will still be its goal
Therefore repcniSh the cup and in the fire Of
spring deposit the garment Of repentance that has
been without any material change in the
styles from the day of the Tentmaker to our own
For if its takes nature 100000 years to
raise deprcss a continent and the most unso-
phsticated of us moderns have learned to look
upon continent more or less as mighty small
beer-worth a two-column head at the best-s it
not foolish to suppose that the spirit of mortal
however proud can lie down on December 81
essentially different from the condition in which it
arose January /? Is this not monstrous
haucinaton of the human race and one which
we deliberately foster by retiring the date first
mentioned full of the old familiar juice and arising
on the last named day in cold and repentant So
briefly.
Repentance oft before
| sworc, but was | sober when | swore?
asks the bard. And we answer unhesitatingly
and from vast storehouse of melancholy expert
cnce that he undoubtedly sober on the oc-
cason in question
But why pursue this melancholy train of
thought? lou who read these sad words have by
this time wayaid with coffee and grape fruit in
stead of with pitfall and with gin the demon of
remorse and will be the way to your place of
business strong in the determination to make the
stenographer and the office boy show some speed
in 1916 And, after all, attractive and unexpected
things do happen. If faith in the ability of
men to rise above the ashes Of their dead selves
to higher things has been rudey shattered in the
past our faith IN the ministrations of Ganesh re-
mains unmpaired Therefore, while remaining
profoundly increduous of your potentialities for
rising as aforesaid wish you reader, for the
coming year the best of the one and only ingredi-
ent that lends continued interest to the game of