The Lakeland evening telegram. (Lakeland, Fla.) 1911-1922, 1916-06-02
The Cooperative Plan
A Farmer Ines 1t on an Auto
BY NJ. QUAD
Copyright, 1916. BY the Mcclure
Newspaper Syndicate,
By M. QUAD

| was driving across the country
with a horse and buggy when ! came
to the wreck of an auto in the ditch,
and a farmer was tinkering at it. He
had sledge, crowbar an ak, a cold
chisel and a screwdriver and had work
ed up a nice little state of perspira-
ton. /
you appear to have a wreck here"
| said as drew in my horse.
Appear" he shouted as he looked
up. If this isn't the durndest wreck
anybody ever saw I'll eat my hiatt!
How did it happenf'
How does anything happen to an
auto with fool driving it?''
WAS it yours:" | asked seeming a
story.
"One-ffth of her was mine up to
last night Now the whole sad remains !
belong to me. Did you ever hear Of
the cooperative plan among farmers"
Lots of times"
WAL, then. this was cooperation in |
buyin' and runnin' an automobile, and
this is one Of the results of It. The !!
other result is that | am about $500 |
out of pocket and have lost wilder
who was goin to be my wife. If you
want to hear all about it I'll tell you,
for l guess it haint any use to tinker
any more at this blamed old thing"
The farmer took a seat on the NOR
tai remains of the auto and drew a
long breath and proceeded to say:
There was Tom Evans, Joe Baxter,
Jim Williams and 81 Perkins. They
are all farmers and live about here.
They are all married men, and each
one has a gang Of children. AS for
me, | am an old bachelor, but was
a-sparkin' Of the incest wilder woman
in this county. The four men | have
mentioned come over to my house one
evenin' month ago, and Tom Evans
he asks if | would 60 in with 'em on
the cooperative plan to buy an auto.
How much? says /.
"A thousand says he.
"'Thats $3.50 each
"'Jest SO, Sam.
"And the auto was boughtY |
queried.
"She was. sir. She arrived here glis-
TENN like a star, and she excited the
wonder of folks for ten miles around.
We got Teller from town to show us
how to run her and in about week
we was all ready to glide around the
country. Bein' | was single man and
nightly In love with a wilder, they
said | might take the auto out first,
which was very decent of them. | felt
sure | could run the machine as good
as any man in the state. 1t was
bright moonlight night, and the whip
poorwils were singin' and the katy
dds chirpin'. and that wilder woman
should promise to be mine before we
returned
"And did sheF' was asked as the
farmer heayed long sigh.
"She didn't. stranger, and I'll tell
you why. We had gone about a mile
as steady as an old horse when the
| auto SHE'D Mt stone in the road, ran
through rail fence, wrecked the auto,
and the widow gave me fits"
| III gets interesting, | Salu.
"Kinder intcrestin stranger-kinder
so. We got machinist to tinker $50
worth of tinker. and the old machine
could run again. Then it was Toms
turn. He has a wife and five children,
and they all piled in. They was clip
pin along as happy as larks when
they came to crossroad. The auto
was for keepin' straight ahead. Tom
wanted TO turn to the right and his
1 wife to the left, and the result was
that the machine run into and knock
cd over the guidepost and then tried
to climb fence The whole family
| took a spin and was scattered for
twenty rods around. No one was kill
ell. and there was no broken bones.
but the bruises are yet blue, and Tom
still walks bent over like an old man
| on account of the jar to his spine. BY
this time We had all got skeery of the
machine; but. ii bein' now Jim's turn
and he not wantin to be called cow
ard. he took out his family for prone
made. As the other accidents had &C.
cured mt night. Jim went out in the
afternoon. He thought there might be
= somethin' in the night air that affect
cd the old critter. There was seven in
the family, and they was climbin' the
hill beyond the red ridge when all to
once the auto gave a snort and STOP
ped In her tracks.
What's the matterr asked Jim's
wife.
Durned II know. but she's got to
gor he answers.
And she did so, sir-she went back
wards. There was screamin' and yell
in and swearin', and Joe's wife slap
ped his face, but nothin' did any good.
That auto kept on goin' backwards
until it dumped them all in the river,
which was about three feet deep at
that time. They was shook up and
bruised and half drowned, but they
were lucky for all that. They Waded
ashore and left the old auto lynn on
its back in the river"
But you got it out againg" asked.
Yes. We had to-" was the reply.
1T was in tryin' to get the old critter
home ag'in that she suddenly bolted
and run into telegraph pole and
wrecked herself as you see her"
And she won't be tinkered up
again?"
"She can't be. There's nothin' left
TO tinker. unless the blacksmith thinks
he can make five wise men out of the
five fools who bought her and lost
, about $3.50 apiece. l used to think CO.
. operation of farmers was a beautiful
thing. but durn my cats If l amt
through with itr'