Omaha daily bee., 1916-06-12
BY RING w. LARDNER.

St. Louis, June 1l.-(Spccial Tele-
gram. 1.-The Chicago corps of star
writer's who had been covering the
Chicago convention left Chicago last
night at midnight and we were all in
one car on the city edition of the
newspaper special and nobody wanted
to go to bed and everybody went in
the smoking room and began to talk.
Pretty soon we run out Of converse
ton about ourself and decided to turn
in.
The berth clumb into wasn't
meant for me and had to slant to
lay down in it and hadn't hardly got
slanted when Mr.. Phillips says we
was just about to cross the Mississip-
pi river. Well it's the biggest river
| ever seen and we crossed it, on a
bridge and | made the remark that
if the people that built the Jackson
street bridge over the Chicago river
had of built this bridge we wouldn't
of got here in time for the conven-
ton.
We were all pretty darn tagged
when we got to the hotel and every
body was in favor of taking nap.
So we all went up stairs to the room
that had been engaged for us and
six of US paired off into three rooms
and left Mr.. King and me to take the
fourth. But when we come to go INTO
it we found they was another guy
there already and he says he wouldn't
get out till tomorrow. don't know
who the guy is, but h e's no good and
his people are no good and IT he had
half of another brain he'd be halt
witted and l hope that while, he's
asleep tonight somebody sneaks into
his room and steals thirteen dollars
worth of Okels. a..
No Place to Sleep. -.
Well, the six colleagues are still
asleep and their going to sleep all
the rest OF the day and all night, but
| and Mr.. King won't sleep unless we
do it standing up in the lobby in our
every day clothes because they would
MT neither one of US wear night
gown right out in public amongst all
these democrats.
The hotel amt got no more rooms
or no more chairs or nothing. Its
the Jefferson hotel and l suppose II
this was the republican convention we
would of stopped at the Lincoln. THIS
hotels going to be mentioned whole
lot of times in speeches this week,
even more times than Lincoln was
,,,s,t;oned IN TO Chicago, because
they's a lot Of other great men the
republicans can brag about, but Jet
ferson amt got hardly any competi-
tition amongst the democrats.
Outside OF Jackson and Cleveland,
they amt nobody these birds can use
for talking points. It's kind OF hard
for me to write as intelligently about
this convention as I wrote about the
republican convention because ! was
not brought up to go near no demo,
Gratis and don't know hardly any OF
them to speak to. But have worked
hard today, while the rest slept, and
I've found out from Insiders who
ought to know but don't what's liable
to come off, as follows:
There Too Soon.
The convention will convene Wed
nesday and Lord only knows why
we're here so soon.
They'll be landslide for Bryan on
the first ballot. On the second, he
will withdraw his name and then the
degredations will 60 ahead and nom.
mate Anhcuser for >president and
Busch for vice president.
This team should hop in.
Then the convention will adjourn
and l and Percy Hammond will be
sent to cover the prohibition conven-
ton in Lyons, III.
Can't Keep Date.
Speaking Of Lyons reminds me OF
Berwyn, where ! got date tomor-
row morning that | can't keep. The
boss informed me Saturday noon that
we was leaving for ST. Louis Saturday
night and there | was down town
with 10 work done and no clothes
packed or nothing. So when ! got
through my stunt, | was in hurry
to get home. Along on Oak Park
avenue couple Of motorcycle guys
sunck up behind me and said
couldn't 60 that fast in Bewyn.
How did | know this was Ber-
wynn l as. them. "They amt nc
houses or pigs or not even tree.
Must Face Judge.
"It's Berwyn, all right" they says
land you got to appear before the
Judge Monday morning
Rut the hoss has got me down here