River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1916-10-05
~FINNEGAN'S PHILOSOPHY
Single Track Minds.

What is he?" asked Finnegan. "Sure
at 4njainnypOles he said he was full
of Annymated Concervtism. FWhats
that We say? T'is the turn-table on
the wan thrack mind. 1t kapes spin
MIN round and round an divil Il man
can tell fwhat switch it will pick up.
1t dinnau itself. SO ye dinnau where
to lay for it,
Twas SO wild the arrumed freight
ships. They're not WarShipS, he says,
'onless | change me mind he says,
(which l have he says, 'an' annyN an
who says so is liar he says, but
refuse to discuss it, he says. I'll
pass the buck to Congress- he
says, 'on'y | won't he says, for It's
no business of theirs he says, though
they must vote on the resolution, he
says, ito show where they stand he
says, 'Hince yell lay it on the table,
he says, AN thin they can't vote
says Wudthrow to Stone.
I-I-thought / seen fallacy,'-
says Stone, timid like, but the Great
Idaylist brung down his fisht wild a
lump.
Table the risolution,' says he,-an'
away goes Stone.
"'Fwhat does this mean?' axes the
Sinit
Gintlemen,' says Stone, weepin'
bitterly 'Ye can frsk me- But thim's
the ORDERS says Stone, AN if amy
man ivir knew fwhat it meant he's
KEEP quiet about it.
$50 wild the fightin wurd. We're
too proud to fight says this turrible
man to a bunch iv just-overs at Phila-
dephy. HaWHaWHaw, says the
wurld Ga laugh gets his goat, JawEJ.
I was thinkin' iv somethin' I didn't
say, yells Wudthrow. 'HawHaw-
Haw,' says the wurld, laughin to split.
BE this an be that Too Proud to
Fight has made the reppytaShun il
Wudthrow. T"is like the Monroe Doc
trine to Monroe, or Emanshipashun to
Lincoln. Twas Translated into ivry
tongue. T'is better known than the
twenty-third psalm, or the famous or
alton iv the Guv-nOr iv North Carliny.
Ii an Ashtantee pOked another in the
l. L
Too Proud to Fight? an they'd both
laugh befure they wint to the f1ure.
All the recruitin' signs abroad had it
an the shame wud bring three recruits,
where Tipperary' or rum wud bring
wan. oh, won't We PLACE stop laugh
IMP says Wudthrow, but they laughed
the more. SO he sinds Jim Ham Lew
to. 70 1a;,n TDb~
son he's so fond Of pork.
Three thousand years agone,' says
Jim Ham, or maybe less says he, an
Ould DagO said Non Dinny Carey win
Kerry Cor the like o. that, JaWn. 1t
means not to have q chip on yer
shoulder). Non Dlnny Carey win
Kerry says Jim Ham, AN julius Say
zer,' says he, AN Tolmy PhiladeIphy,'
says he, AN the Earl iv Cheatem,'
says Jim, AN William Hatch Seward
says Ham, an lot more / forget
says Ham, who felt the same way
says Jim, although he says, they
nivir said so,' says Jim Ham to the
Sinit.
Now says he, how, axe ye, cud
the Prisidint know that the cultivated
Christian aujience.' he says, fv immy-
grants says he, 'wud fail to grasp the
nooance,' says Jim Ham An Jawn,
they shut the dures the way the peo-
pie wudden't see the Sinit lose it's
dignity
'.Fwhat's a nooance?" asked Nal
umphy.
TITS sort iv intellectual gold
brick" replied Finnegan, slightly puz-
zIed, she which We say fwhat We doart
name, an name wye doant say. The
nooance comes out iv it somehow.
tbs like l dinnau what Just exactly
like it, he added after a short pause.
Il cudden't tell thin apart"
well" said MaIumphy ''the single
thrack mind gets nowhere, I'm think
in"
9TH gauge is none too broad" se-
piled his friend, IAN the thraffics
heavy" he added
*Non Dinicare est Vincere.