davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
El Nuevo mexicano., 1916-03-16
BOnehead Plays
BY WALT MASON

44N NM ~
We might. as graveyard We advance.
know iaught but golden days. il we did not,
~ every chance, indulge III b0nehead PLAYS
For nearly al the ills we know, and ali fhe
panis ana aches, originated long ago, in our
Wart years and when he draws his nav lie
BLOWS u IN f0r long cold beers, and that's a
honehead play. The sch00lboy mothers uit-
tie pet upon a summer day, learns how to
smoke q cigarette, and that's a bonehead
play me danlsel learns To paint and sing,
70 dance the night away, but sidestuns ev.
FRY useful thing, and that's a bOnehead play.
Ah earelessly man goes iii debt for grub and,
clothes and hay, and knows, when lawyers
make him sweat, 1t was a bonehead play.
~ buy q gaudy choo-choo cart man signs
kis nome away, and says some day, with
breaking heart, 1T was d bonehaad plavr
This life Of ours should be sublime, our
hearts sholiId an be glad but we pull bone.
heads all the@ime, and that's why life IS sad.
El Nuevo mexicano., 1916-03-16
MHknE rAE aAAukFEuRs 90

James il. Lea, Of No. 1Kl2 Nineteenth
street. Northwest, contributes TIE follow
ihgi One very t6id hight this winter. d
shlhll boy httellalilg d church lecture was
deeply impressed by that pait Of The lecture
which referred u, goba boys going To hHav.
en- and bad boys endihg up elsewhere. on
his return home he surprised hts mblteF BY
ton ehathenfs want to 30 to the good place
When ! was coming hofAe from eiiaich 4
heard one ailuin9bile driver sag TO anoths
af. "a know WllBfe / aui going am going
where 1 can keen tAls Old li0tBf hot ~
Washington Post
El Nuevo mexicano., 1916-03-16

attention Of tie nation. The very life 81
New Mexico Is bound up IL her schools and
higher educational institutions. The way
obstacles are being surmounted, enthusiasm
Haronsed and results attained Ia New Mex
leo education M inspiring. The movement
has been one Of the most profound ever
seen.
For New Mexicceto send to the senate Of
the United States a man whose 0dlcial rec
ord and Influence have formed a blot on the
educational annals Of tile state would be a
direct blow at the schools of New Mexico, q
direct blow at the great propaganda which
is re~yoluti0nizlng conditions in this state,
an insult to every man and woman engaged
in this splendid and self-sacrificing work.
For New Mexico to give the highest Office
within her gift to a man who made the
schools Of one Of her most advanced eoun
ties a pitifuI joke andsa bylword would be-
uncomfortable folly. 10 thus honor a man
whose period Of dominance was synchrohous
with the very worst political conditions
ever known in New Mexico would be step.
ping back fifteen years TO send to the sen
atgsuch a man. with no claim to the honor
safe a political pull and plenty Of money
would be to endorse all that he has stood
for In New Mexico education and political
methods. The New Mexican does not for u
touent believe that the astonishing impu
dence Of this man is going 10 succeed In
making the people Of New Mexico forget
his official record or ihdofse a candidacy
which for sheer etErontery Is unprecedented
N the state.
his party is SO foolish as To nominate
MS man FOR the Office he demands, the New
sexican for one can promise that there win
little chance for the voters to forget his
Eurd.
El Nuevo mexicano., 1916-03-16
COLONEL sLoeua

Colonel Herbert j, slocum. commander Of
the Thirteenth cavalry, who was h charge
a. Columbus. n. NJ. when the attack was
made ny the Mexican bandits under villa
hhs held his present RINK since August
1912. Colonel siD1nm's father is Colonel
J. J. elocum, executor Of Russell sage's will,
and n charge OF the Sage estate His sister
is Mrs. sherman Flint Of 1af Madison ave.
Point graduate and was originally In the
Seventh cavalry After the Spanish war he
WAS on detached service in Cuba 81 COM
mand OF tie rural guards He served with
the Thiffsentb ID the Philippines and was
sent from Fort Riley. kan, to the Mexican
border almost three years ago.
El Nuevo mexicano., 1916-03-16
What An Army.o of a Million
Men Needs

444 NAduoup lily JOuiudlsj
Here are some Of the things that an army
OF 100000 men means;
Seven hundred and fifty thousand rifles
and bayonets for them to fight with.
Two hundred and siKty-fiye thousand nfs.
tolls little brothers OF the rifle.
Eight thousand machine guns the mill
tary scythe.
Two thousand one hundred field guns To
batter down attack.
One hundred and sixtydive million cart.
ridges TO carry them into their first fight,
and as many more for each succeeding fight.
Two million five hundred thousand shells
and slrannel for our field guhs FOR every
hour they are in action.
0nef hundred n ninety.six thousand
horses to carry them and pill their gun
carriages.
One hundred and t~wentyseven thousand
mules to haul their supplies and pack their
guns.
Eight thousand wagons to transport their
supplies and ammunition.
one million cartridge belts for their aln-
|mnnitiu.
One million first aid packets to bind up
their wounds.
One million pouches to keep them dry,
One milli0n canteens.
One miiiloA shelter halYes 10 protect them
from the weather.
Two million blankets to keep them warm.
Two million pairs OF shoes.
Two million uniform e0ats. bfeeches. leg.
gings, suits 81 underwear.
Two million shirts
One million hats.
-Four million pairs Of socks.
inc million hayefsaeks
One million pounds cf nlpat each day.
one million pounds Of bread each day
Two million pounds Of vegetables each
day.
day.
One million cups.
One million plates.
One million knives.
One million forks.
One million spoons.
And all thls iEaside from the 5000 train.
ed officers necessary 10 handle the 100000
and does not take into consideration The
rmy Of clerks and ~ofajciais necessary to
handle the recruiting.
El Nuevo mexicano., 1916-03-16
THE COMING STORM

The regular Trombone player 0f / Scot
fish orchestra Wts III with a cold aild The
conductor fblurtahtly accepted the services
ef a man who played in an amateur brass
however 0f the technical ability 0f the Sub.
Istitute.
After tho First performance the new play.
or asked tAe conductor how he had dohR
Tile conductor replied that lb had done
fairly bit that pefhaps BH would do better
the next time
The neRe0npf, Hyelhg his gratefully, an.
AWereds Man, ye Bbe, tho music IS 81
strange iae me The rlcht, hnd tn mo- jisE
sliair OF skt but y0h walt .tae The mofn's
nielt and yen no hear ate 0f thah Riddles
DE- as."-pi1ksbdfgh Chronicle gTeiegfabh
El Nuevo mexicano., 1916-03-16
Reason ENOUGH

The schools OF New Mexico are her pride
and the apple OF her eye. The campaign
against illteracy, the work OF preparing the
people Of Kew Mexico to make a living Ell.
cientlF and build up the kind Of citizenship
the state needs has been carried on IN the
past few years in a mannerto attract the
El Nuevo mexicano., 1916-03-16
psuerssIty q : esgrgIa Eatar

If the geutiemauly pocket picker who
picked seven perfectly good one dollar
bills out Of our vest pocket on the Mid.
way last evening viii cail around he
can have the vest. We won't have any
more use for 1t, as We, are goIng to jump
in the river at sunrise.
WHAT WAS needed at Columbus
was some one to guard the sentries.
AMERICAN GUNS and bullets we're
naed to kill Americans at-C0lumbus.
And herein lies a very profound lesson.
no team of mules being required TO
draw an inference.
El Nuevo mexicano., 1916-03-16

cENTEMARIANlsM

Np4Attt0hk H4lNt NhNt lucy hTtsM
IN this our vale Of tears,
What busy man can spare thettiine
40 live 4 hundred yaarRf
NEW York sun.
Mule Music
tFrU1a Conway Lng Uahin,lJemocrat)
Mr., Hawkins traded q mule to HenEy
Woodward for an organ for hts folks.
Now listen for some GOOD music.
NEXT WE shall hear the cholnaE
boosting Mr.. Hubhell TOR the position Of
Cumpttollef Of the Currency.
y
OR y. $. Commissioner o. Education.
PACIEISTS MUST have been pleased
when the machine guns iaiaiAed at Go!
lumbus.
Wn ARE now listening for Mi. Bryan
to invoke the Divine Blessing on Pan
cho.
HID NIGHT send Villa some taBtefnlIy
bound copies Of his lectures.
IT is sincerely to 30 hoped we won't
have any other pressing use for an army
while 1t is In Mexico.
GENERAL FUNsTONs explanation
OF the delay Is an right Nobody blaties
General FUNSTON sOF uhpfeparHdnesy.
SENATOR BORAH wisely considers
that having taken the bite we need to be
in a condition to chew il.
FAIR ENOUGH. Any time the pres
ence Of C~arranza troops u needed on
this side they may come over.
THE AMERICAN Peace Society said
yesterday that Americas entry into the
army organizing competition was III
timed.
WE CAN'T think OF any word which
would better describe the utterance Of
the Peace Society,
HOW THOSE Moflnuns must be wor-
rying about their wives.
H ff
FUNNY HOW dI8efe1t the same
things looks to diifeFsht people. The
relative LOSSES, for Instance, bf the
French and gHfmahs ut Vefdua.
PRETTY SOON We will have All the
finder PFesIdIos burned down and build
some real buildings
SPEAKING or Preparedness. II
would be really convenient to have d
new Buchanan bridge when The Old one
starts Oh its voyage to Befhalill0.
THE DEVOTION Of E~Hcundlno Ra
nero to abstract justice il we'll known,
ever since that penitentiafy ihvestiga-
tion.
TO DON Francisco We w0uad fenUni-
mend perusaI BIZ those immortal lines
about the Moving Finger and what i
has Writ.
YOU HAVE to hand It to uncls Tom.
He never was superintendent 0f suh0uls.
(Mentons Ga2ette1
The two.yuar-0ld son Of WlKiain Mar:
tin, OF Milford. drank a half pint OF pol
ish and ate a box Ot headache tablets.
After taking a comfortable sleep he
awoke and was ready for the next
course.
TT TOOK thu Mexican situation to put
the Needed pep III Preparedness.
El Nuevo mexicano., 1916-03-16
oNE On HlM

eYou haven't got anything On ~ hus-
band said the woman in the drug store.
9Oh. yes, ! have" replied the druggist
hes wearing a porous plaster he hasn't
paid me for yetf-Yonkers Statesman.
El Nuevo mexicano., 1916-03-16

I|IIN 4#HHF "| H|M
Long Ago and
Long Ago
Long ago and long ago. across the
skies Of mofting,
Came q little shadow, like the wing
Hash OF a jay
Came . shhdowy chill and blue that
led my soul to sqpfning
The mad road,
Thn glad road.
The road OF yesterday.
\ One I loved had turned aside In paths
/ could not lplIpW
Turned aside 10 Happiness, while
tIod On alone;
And the primrose ways grew barren,
for the heart Of life waa hollow:
And my lips denied their laughter,
lest 1t perish in their moan.
SO Travelled toward tomorrow with
bitterness uieeasihg,
And a weariness intolefabld 'gainst
youthNand JOY and light,
TIL the ~Wonderworld about me seena-
ed d hide0usaess Increasing
For I'D lost the path ID sunshine and
gone stumbling lnt0 night.
All. who was / to gricve SO, hi greed
OF others hehyens
When. right along beside me. mine
own was opening widey
Let me clear my soul Of c0bWebs, and
perchance to NELL be given
A bright world.
A right world.
A world with God beslde.
New York Times.
El Nuevo mexicano., 1916-03-16

The wind Ok last week 'booeteeA the
country for a time until we we're Abedt
to 90 out Of the boosting business IN.
til 1t auit. we aike the dust siinBe but
when 1t gets to throwing biadefs as big
as hail stones at d velocity 0f a mile 4
minute, we can't say we are stuck on
the weather mans way 0l bb0sting land
gtill, Ii Ii no worse than wadihg innd
for six to twenty weeks at a stretch as
they are doing in Iowa. Missouri and II
lihols right now
WHEN YOU eoHe to think about IL.
il seems as Il 10000 Caffaneistas and
10000 United states troops ought to be
fairly wen able after a while to capture
Pancho Villa and his 1000 followers.
WE ARE told the German navy SIM
ply came out 10 look at the weather.
TIME TO get out that Dam, Dam,
Dam the Flllpln0an melody and para
phrase It.
RERQXIDE FAMINE threatened. Now
Wen find out the truth about the hor-
fors Of war.
El Nuevo mexicano., 1916-03-16

Chicago News.)
e you are IN a hurry avpid the train Of
Thought
The plain u~nYarnished truth Is better
than questionable rhetoric.
The daily Alaskan., 1916-11-09
Lots of 1t in Alaska But Daily
 Growing LeEs

The kidneys often cry for help.
 Not another organ in the whole body more delicateiy constructed;
 Not one more important to health
 The kidneys are the filters of the blood,
 Wher they fail the blood becomes foul and poisonous.
 There can be no health where there ia poinsoned blood.
 Backache is one of the ire Queat indications of kidney trouble.
 Il is often the kidneys cry for help. Heed it.
 Read what DOan's Kidney Pills have dCLe for Overworked kidneys.
 Proof of merit in the following statCmeut:
 c. c. White, barber, 1646 Mis- sion St., Salem, Ore, says: "I have been taking Doan's Kidney Pills off and on for 2 number of years and they have never failed to do good work. Standing in one position so much was hard on my back and kidneys. At times could hardly stand up straight. Af- ter 1 had taken a box or two of Deans Kidney Pills, my back felt as strong as ever"
 Price soc, at all dealers. Don't simply ask for a kidney remedy get Deans Kidney Pills-the same that MT. White had. Foster-Mil- burn Co., Props, Buffalo, N. Y.
The daily Alaskan., 1916-11-09

erican border. Is there any reason why President Wilson should not permit the able Pershing and his men to accomplish their originel assignment of duty? Would 1t threaten friendly relations with the Wilson protege, CarTanza, if Am erican soldiers wsrR permitted to put out oS business htR most per sistent enemy? And have We not Gen Carranza's kindly permission to engage in the pursuit 'ot VillaT Seattle P.-I.
The daily Alaskan., 1916-11-09
Black Fridays.

In England the term Black Friday was first applied to Dec. 6, 1745, the day on which news reached London that the pretender. Charles Edward, had reached Derby Again on May il, 1866, when the failure of large Eng fish discounting institution brought on a most disastrous panic, the day was called Black Friday. On the day of the suspension the Bank of England raised the rate of discount Q per cent Wild speculation In gold In New York and other cities eliminated in a none tary crash on Sept, 1G, 1875, that swept thousands of firms and individuals into financial ruin and caused commercial depression that extended into the eight les of the last century; hence the origin of the term Black Friday in the United States.
The daily Alaskan., 1916-11-09
EDITORIAL
T4:s4 x .S > lssls s~aa'ss x f < < *
EDITORIAL PAUCITY

The time comes once in while wha. 2. is hard to think of some tb.ng 10 write about .eitortally. Just sit down yourself, Dear Read, CT and imagine you have about if teen minutes in which to think up scmethirg to write about and to haya 1t ready for the printer, What would you write about?
 We'll, there are three great aids 10 the newspaper drudge when he momeuariIy runs out of ideas. The cLteI aid is to ICCk around for some official to roast. Another is to make some suggestion and auoth er is .. make more or less hurried comments on the news of the day beCor. ;J would be all right if one could write any old thing, but you must -.ways keep in mind what you think the people who read the pa Pr want you to write of.
 Tho first Of the three aids is the most useful in some re spevJs. Pick oUt some official who, y,u ,alak, has lots cf enemies and Le- loose on him. Everyone will rsaG 1t and every anarchist will applauG. or course, you should rey'r ,.tack an official that gives ycu printing jobs or advertising; ta4t would be bad business.
 PicF cu some abomiuable miscre- aut the: refuses to come across wit the uegGtuI and never let up till he does. Be cartuI, though, that you ueyeI accuse him directly of any crime. You must always keep your eve on she fact that some rotten legislature passed a criminal libel law that might put you behind the ba,s Just hint at his crookedness. Use l.. of judgment. There is qIt,e uytle distance that you may travel and still keep just outside the pelIentiary gate.-Seward Gate wuy.
The daily Alaskan., 1916-11-09
P0RS0N'S WEAKNESS.
Tho Drink He Got From Mrs. Hopp-
 ner's Private Bottle.

ner's Private Bottle.
 Tn Samuel Rogers and His Circle" is this anecdote about Richard Person, the famous classical scholar and pro lessor of Greek:
 When Hoppuer, the painter, was re- siding in cottage a few miles from London, Person one afternoon sudden. ly arrived there EOppErr said thaS he could not offer him dinner, as Mrs, H. had gone to town and had carried with her the key of the closet which contained the wine Person declared, however, that he would be content with a mutton chop and beer from the next ale house and accordingly stayed to dine.
 During the evening Porson said, 'l am quite certain that Mrs. Hoppner keeps some nice bottle for her private drinking In her own lcdroom, so pray try If you can lay your hands on It." His host assured him that Mrs. II. had no such secret stores; but, PorsOn in- sisting that a search should be made, bottle was at last discovered in the lady's apartment, to the surprise of Hoppner and the joy of Porson, who soon finished its contents. pronouncing 1t to be the best gin he had tasted for a long time.
 Next day Hoppner, somewhat out of temper, informed his wife that Person had drunk every drop of her concealed dram. Drunk every drop of itg' cried she. "Heaven above, It was spirits of wine for the lamp!
The daily Alaskan., 1916-11-09
WHY NOT GET VILLA?

n he great volume Of tlak pro CeeLigs from Washington and Ports mou;h about. our relations with Mexico, Gen. Pershing and his lU.UlO American soldiers, men of Lbe regular army, are camping dow in tba heart of Northern Mexico, sill under instructions to get Yil- I4" so far as the general public is informed. If tho American force Is not under such instruction, it mJsbr be pertinent to inquire on what mission it is engaged in .MeNi- co.
 Villa, the murderer of Americans, the border bandit who tsrrorized American towns and .gilaged where he pleased on this side of the bOr- der, has organized an army under the nose of the American. expedi- ton. He has captured Mexican gar risous, and is now besieging Mexican city within comparatively few miles of Gen. Pershing's forces. Indeed, it Is possible that villas men are operating in the country between Pershtng and the Ameri- can border.
 The American ezpeditionary gro grees was stopped when Carranza trccps hot down American soldiers as the points of advance. The only safe direction, as pointed .out by the constitutional chief, was in the direction of home, and in this di- recticn our troops have made the only progress since the ambush at Carrizal.
 Now Villa men are operating near the American expedition, gaining victories oyer the Carranzistas, 'nnd threatening other raids cn the Am
The daily Alaskan., 1916-11-09
SLANG OF THE UNDERWORLD.
Criminals Have a Suggestive Lan-
 ouaas of Their Own.

guage or inSlT S"Its
 The professional pickpockets, or those who are left of the tribe, have an expression for every professional action and object. Pockets range from "side kicks" to double insiders" which are the inner vest pockets, and hard indeed Is 1t to abstract a poke" or Heather" from one of the same and weed" It in the security of some near by haven.
 A ring Is called a hoop" A watch may be a super" in one locality, and in another it may be called "block" or "turnip' or kettle" while the chain Is either white slang" or red slang," the chromatie adjective denoting either gold or silver.
 Money Is given score of names. The most used Is "kale," scratch" or dough" but the Humble Dutchman," !" a we'll known character. was wont to call 1t "bullets," and this name is used In many localities. A ticket in the un- derworld is known the world over as a "ducat," while a uniformed police man Is a harness bull," which Is rich Indeed in suggestion and description.
 The mInlons of the law are also giV- en the following names, which are very expressive: Cops" mugs" "fy mugs" 'sbulls," dicks" (au abbrevia- lion for detectlves), while in the west central office men are known as 70. O. dicks" or "elbows," from habit they have of elbowing Into crowds after their prey.-Star of Hope, New York State Prison.
The daily Alaskan., 1916-11-09
No Handicap at All,

"It seems to me this lot is a long way from the car hne," remarked the prospective purchaser, a little doubt fully.
 "Why. that's an actua! advantage, responded the gentlemanly agent en gagged in making the safe When you reach the car in the morning you are already halfway to your office. and coming home at night you have nice walk to give you all appetite for din r."-RichmOnd Times Dispatch.
The daily Alaskan., 1916-11-09
Handicapped.

My dear. our automobile looks so cheap beside tue one 9ur neighoors have. We ought to get the latest make"
 'I know we ought, but this Is the only house l have to mortgage."-Bal timore American.
The daily Alaskan., 1916-11-09
Fair Enough.

You are the fourth tramp who has come here begging today" sal! the lady of the house. "and I'm all out or patience"
 I'm all out O vittles myself" re piled the tramp. Couldn't we make a radeE'-EXChang
The daily Alaskan., 1916-11-09
The Real Wish,

Don't you wish you could see an )ld fashioned one ring clrcus?'
 No l wish were a boy again and could appreciate a little thing like 9 one ring circus "-Detroit Free Press
The daily Alaskan., 1916-11-09
Stinging

Mir. Gnaggs-Oh, there are worse fellows in the world than am. Mrs. Gnaggs-Don't be such a pessimist!- San Francisco Chronicle.
The daily Alaskan., 1916-11-09

Patience, persistence and power to do are only acquired by work.-HoI- land.
Rogue River courier. (Grants Pass, Or.) 19??-1918, 1916-01-14
FORD CHAGR|NED
BY SCRAP ON SHIP
tBy United Press Leased wireJ

tBy United Press Leased Wire.)
The Hague, Jan. IA wild scene
In which several leaders OF the Ford
peace expedition exchanged blows at
Christianla took place before Henry
Ford sped by auto TO catch train
for Bergen In order TO make his boat
for America. Information from q
trustworthy source today revealed the
inside story" OF events aboard the
Oscar II at Christiania. II was learn
ed that Ford first Investigated
Madame Schwimmer's claims that she
had documents from belligerent and
neutral rulers encouraging the Ford
peace move. after there had been q
quarrel aboard over President Will
sons preparedness program. Ford
found that the documents were po-
lltely phrased declarations Of
nothing. and that they were entirely
worthless.
Sadly disappointed at this turn OF
AFFAIRS, Ford retired to his cabin. In
modification. under the pretense that
he was ILL., He remained practically
incommunicado for the remainder OF
the trip. He still hoped that an en-
thuslastic reception from Scandi-
navla would give him some chance
for the success OF the expedition. But
when the Norwegians received him
with contempt, Ford determined to
return to the United States and had
Dean Marquis, chauffeur, and two
other men arrange his flight.
Madame Schwimmer. Secretary
Lochner and other intimates were
ignorant OF his plans, but they hap
pened TO see the quartet smuggling
Ford into an automobile. But as he
was being kidnapped several members
OF the Schwimmer faction threw
themselves at the auto crying:
"Murderers! Kldnapers!"
The chauffeur was no pacincist.
And, besides. he had his orders, so
he circled his fists vigorously, and the
Schwimmerites retreated, while Ford
escaped.
There Is a general belief that Ma
dame Schwlmmer's connection with
the voyage is In behalf Of Teuton pro-
paganda.