The Hays free press. [volume] (Hays, Kan.) 1908-1924, 1916-12-23
RI rs all been figured out. Birsky."


Barnett Zapp the waist manu-
facturer said as he withdrew
from his breast pocket a long brown
envelope containing his income tax re-
turn, "that 6.31416 per cent of the peO-
Iple Of the United States must got to
pay income tax, and $500 per cent of
the remainder says to them: You
should ought to be glad that you've got
an income big enough to pay taxes on
SO l might just as well let you know
right here and now, Birsky, that The
next Teller which says that to me
would find out how q man who could
be a perfect gentleman when he wants
to be could also act like loafer at
times"
Say" Louis Birsky the real estater
protested, 81 got one of them income
tax returns myself for over a month
now, Zapp. and 1 tried phenacetin and
p tried strong coffee, and all I've filed
out so far is my name and address"
"WeII don't you know: Were you
single or married with wife or hus-
band living with you on December 81
of the year for which this return is
rendered." said Zapp, quoting from
the blank.
Birsky nodded his head despairingly.
mind you, Zapp, I begged that wOm-
an she should stay home and tend to
the house." he declared with bitter
emphasis on the word begged, but she
said it was the last chance she would
got to see her sister and brOther-in-law
in Rochester before they moved away
to San Francisco, Colt sci dank so she
left here at 9 o'clock December 80. and
didn't get home till January 4"
"Well put it in anyway that she was
living with you on December 31st,"
Zapp advised. 'How should they
know that your wife was visiting her
sister in Rochester OIL that day?"
Listen, Zapp," Birsky said, "a real
estater is got a whole lot of enemies
brokers he done out of commissions,
tenants he dispossessed and fellers
which think he stuck 'em on certain
deals. y'understand, and all of them
fellers would be only too glad to write
to the Income Tax people a synOny-
NOUS letter NIT an alias name signed
IT. 1t, that my wife was in Rochester
lon December 31st, and the consequence
Us TO save u $40 note, 1 am running a
chance Of getting from twenty to a
Thousand dollars a fine"
"Then I suppose you would also put
In that $75.25 which you were telling
m you made last September in Trape-
Eoid Ffllum Preferred" Zapp said
Birsky turned pale.
81 told you made $75.25 in that Fill
dunn stock?' he exclaimed. when did
1 told you such thing? I'm surprised
to hear you talk that way, Zapp."
'What do you surprised to
hear me talk that way?' Zapp retort-
ed. "When 1 got stung on that Inter
national Chocolate and Cocoa common
last September, Birsky. didn't you call
me all kinds of suckers for putting my
good ninety dollars into that thing, and
didn't you show m check from one
OF them quacks which call themselves
curb workers for $75.25?"
81 showed you a check for $75,25?"
Birsky cried. '"That only goes to show
.What for friend you are, Zapp! In
the first place. the check was for
$68.25, and in the second place when
tell you something in the strictest con-
1dence. Zapp, do you think you are
acting like a gentleman that you throw
it up in my teeth at q time like this?'
Zapp shrugged his shoulders.
"For my part, Birsky, you could of
made $685." he said, land entered it
up as No. 80, losses actually sustained