davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1916-03-16

From a section OF the big city where
they hit 'em over the ear just to see
'em fall" according to a local ball
player with minor league experience,
a resident Of that excitement produc-
ing neighborhOod wrote to the man
ager Of a small league team for a job
in the outfield Contrary to custom.
he did not go at length into a descrip-
ton OF his talents, but merely stated
that he was qualified to hold a posi-
ton.
This undue modesty, coupled with
the fact that the manager really was
In need OF an Outfelder, prompted the
boss Of the team to wire back:
Can use you II you can hit"
Later In the day he decided that he
would give the candidate a trial, at any
rnte, and wired:
Join team here. We will refund
your transportation"
The two kilograms apparently reach
ed the young ball player at about the
same time. for the manager received
the following reply to both messages:
Can hit pill, but can't raise dough"
The outhelder was wired transpOrta-
tion.-Louisville Times.
West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1916-03-16
MINCEMEAT.
How TO Mako DeloetabIe Pies For the
Winter Season.

How TO Mako Deloctable Pies For the
Winter Season.
Cook three pounds OF lean beef with
a pound OF suet until the meat Is ten
der Cool I'm the water. then remove
the meat aud chop fine, adding twice
the amount OF finely chopped apples.
The apples should be washed, quarter
ed and cored before chopping. The
skins may be left on II chopped first
Add the suet which was cooked with
the meat and which will rise and form
cake OF fat OH the top OF the liquid.
1t should be chopped. and the water In
which the meat was cooked should be
placed OH the stove and allowed to
cook away TO about cupful OF stock,
which should bc added to the chopped
meat, apples and suet
Now add two pounds OF brown sugar,
three cupfuls OF molasses. three pints
OF cider. three pounds OF seeded raj
sins. two pounds OF currants, half n
pound OF very finely chopped citron.
half cupful OF cider vinegar. nut
meg, ginger. cloves. cinnamon and
mace. with salt and pepper. Add the
spices slowly "a teaspOonful only at
hrst, tasting frequently. The season
Ing Is the most important point I'm
mincemeat Much depends on 1t. and
1t requires Judgment to know what is
lacking and Just how much to add.
If desired richer add orange and lem
on Juice with chopped ounce pre-
serve, also the strip from the pre-
serves with this addition. The com
bination is delicious and as rich as one
would care To eat.
West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1916-03-16
MURDER WILL OUT.
1.-THE Best Laid Schemes o. Mice and
Men Gang Aft AaIeY.n

tNS oebt Laio OCnSmes o. MICE ano
Men Gang Aft AsIey!"
Once upon a time there was a lady
who wished TO have her real age kept
a secret In order TO get away with
It she instructed her son. In case any
one asked how old he was, TO knock
or about 90 per cent
She told people the boy was large
for his age and explained the grufr
tones OF his voice by saying that his
tonsils needed attention.
One day the rector Of the church
called, and while waiting In the draw
ing room for the lady TO put the fin
fishing touches TO her makeup he talk
ed with the boy, who was pretending
to read Little Lord Fauntleroy" for
the seventeenth time The boy volun-
teered the information that the next
day would be his birthday.
"Ah." said the rector, land how old
win you be them
Ten years DID, replied the boy, as
per instructions.
'IndeedT' said the rector. II dare
say you haven't any idea what your
mother Is going TO give you for .
birthday gift"
''Oh, yes. have" was the unexpect.
ed answer. "She promised to give noe
a safety razor"
When the rector rushed into the hall
to see what had caused the loud crash
he had heard he found the boys moth.
eF lying on the floor In a dead faint.
Moral-Old Father Time calls all
bluffs.--St. Louis Post-Dispatch.
West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1916-03-16
Thu Mioroanonn-

A spectacle maker. Jan Leippershelm
by name. living In Holland. invented a
crude magnifying glass In 1908. Anton
Won Leuwenhoek, born In Delft in 1882.
improved this clumsy toy and evolved
a compound microscope which has be-
come the most valuable sanitary tool
yet devised by man. That first micro
scope was as far removed from the
high powered instrument Of today as
Is the modern American from the orig
inRl cave man. Yet by this faulty
means Leuwenhoek. naturalist. physi-
clan and botanist, discovered certain
minute bodies which he called 'little
animals" he made drawings Of these.
and today they are known for those
useful friends and malignant enemies
OF NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS..
West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1916-03-16

The readers Of this paper will be pleased
N learn that there is st least one dreaded
disease that science has been able ~ cure
in an its stages, and that IL Catarrh
Halle Catarrh Cure BE- the only positive
cure now known n the medical fraternity
Catarrb being a constitutional disease.
requires 4 constitutional treatment. Halle
Catarrh Cure b. taken internally, acting
directly upon The blood and mucous sur.
iaces Of the system, thereby destroying
the foundation Of the disease, and giving
the patient strength BY building up the
constitution and assisting nsture On doing
lte work. The proprietors have 70 much
faith boz ita curative powers that they offer
One Hundred Dollars Tor any case That Il
fails ~ cure Send for LEE Of testimonials
Address r. j. CHgSEY K Co, ToiedosO
Sold ~ all druggists, 75c.
Take Halle Family PILE foy constipation
West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1916-03-16
DENTAL HYGIENE.
How to Have Well Kept Teeth That
Last a Lifetime.

How TO Have Well Kept Teeth That
Last a Lifetime.
We cannot all have small, even,
white teeth. but we can all have per-
fectly kept teeth. A careful mother
begins the attention to her children's
teeth as soon as they push through the
gums. She cleans them with a bit OF
absorbent cotton on the end OF her
scrubbed 6nger. and as the child grows
older she brushes them. Nowadays all
the teeth OF all school children are
inspected. which will result in better
teeth, with no false teeth before lie
age OF fifty, except under unusual con-
ditions.
The teeth should be brushed after
every meal and cleaned with n paste
at least every other day. Do not use
any Of the powders that are gritty.
however cleansing they may be. Teeth
cannot be treated the same as n bath.
tub. Always after eating anything
every particle OF food should be re-
moved from between the teeth with
dental floss. This Is really the only
safe means OF dislodging fOodstuff.
Brush up and down on the surface OF
the teeth. not across. Gritty powders
in time destroy the enamel. and brush
ing across the grain has the same eff
feet Brush the inner side OF the teeth
as thoroughly as the outer. being care
full TO cleanse the mouth well. Now,
the average woman is apt to feel she
has done her duty when tho teeth are
brushed. This is not true. A mouth
wash is Just as necessary. Rinse the
mouth daily with any good alkali
wash
West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1916-03-16
ssttisd IL

In Illinois there IS an old law on the
statute books TO the effect that I'm Grim.
inal cases the jury is Judge OF tho law
as well as OF the facts" Though not
often quoted. once In awhile a lawyer
with a desperate case makes use OF &C.
In one case the judge instructed the
jury that II was 20 judge OF the law as
well as the facts. but added that Il was
not 70 judge the law unless Il was
fully satisfied that II knew more law
than the Judge. An outrageous verdict
was brought In. contrary 20 all instruc-
lions OF the court. who felt called upon
20 rebuke the jury. At last one old
farmer arose
ledge" said he, weren't we %
jedge the law as well az the factsT'
Certainly" was the response. But
7 told you not TO judge the law unless
you we're clearly satisfied that you
knew the law better than I did"
"Well, jedge" answered the farmer
as be shifted bis quid. I'VE considered
that Dint"-ChicsRo News.
West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1916-03-16
HOME OF THE MusKRAr.
u Proves the Rodent to Be . Master
Canal Builder.

Canal Builder.
Maybe you've seen him playing In a
stream or pond. diving. swimming and
circling about like children at a game
OF tag. You would hardly think that
you were watching one OF the great
est canal builders OF the world. IL by
any chance you discover his home bur
rowed In the bank OF a stream or pond,
you'll see how he has earned the title.
His name II muskrat, also called mush-
quash, and he's at home throughout
the United States. except In the south.
When a muskrat builds his home he
makes a door along the banks under
the surface OF the water. Then he
burrows upward, sometimes many
yards. ending the tunnel I'm a room
above the water line, where he can
sleep without fear OF hunter or trap
per.
Trappers are his worst enemies, for
the muskrats fur has a commercial
value. IL Is a reddish brown and is
used as a substitute for beaver. The
animal is about fifteen inches long, and
his tail. which he uses as a rudder In
swimming, Is about ten inches long.
He eats grasses, roots and acorns.
and II he's near q garden or truck
patch he will make a raid on the farm
er's turnips and parsnips. He's also
a cannibal. III one member OF the
muskrat colony is injured his mates
VIII set upon him and eat him-Buf
falo News
West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1916-03-16
Those Who Fail.

IAN honor 60 him who shall win the
prizei"
The world has cried for a thousand
years,
But TO him who tries and who fails and
dies
give great honor and glory and tears.
Give glory and honor and pitlfui tears
To all who fail I'm their deeds sublime.
Their ghosts arc many I'm the van of
years.
They were born with time in advance
or time.
Oh, great IL the hero who wins a name
But greater many and many a time
Some pale faced fellow who dies In shame
And let's God finish tho thought sub.
lime.
And great is the man with : word un-
drawn,
And good is the man who refrsins from
wine.
But the man who fails and yet stiii fights
on
10. he Il the twin born brother OF mlnei
Joaquin Miller.
West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1916-03-16
Tho Bat and the Bulbs.

According to the French naturalist
De Parvllle. gardener planted one
afternoon $50 tulip bulbs on a terrace.
and next morning he noticed that the
ground had been disturbed and that
the bulbs had all been taken away.
He was confident that rats had done
the work, and, taking n spade. he be
gan TO dig I'm the hope OF discovering
their nest. Soon he unearthed a large
female rat. which he killed. and after
digging n few more minutes he dis
covered an underground chamber lined
with hay and leaves and connected by
a corridor with two holes. which were
evidently used as storehouses. for In
them he found the go tulip bulbs
This was remarkable. but more re
markable was the fact that they were
neatly arranged I'm two rows and that
not one OF them had been gnawed OF
otherwise injured.
West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1916-03-16
The -
Scrap Book
Fooled Thaekoray.

Thackeray did not know the mean
ing OF c.. +. o. general postoffce). In
his Irish Sketch Book" this ignorance
led 10 one OF the biggest "bloomers" I'm
literary history.
During the novelist's Irish tour he
was constantly encountering pillar boz.
ca labeled &c. +. o." He inquired the
meaning. and somebody pulled his leg.
He went home und wrote as follows:
$50 blind and extravagant Il the de-
votion OF the people to the great dema-
gogue that they have actually erected
along the highways pillar stones with
the inscription g. +. o. which means
God Preserve O'Connell.'"
The error was discovered I'm the Lon
don printing Office and Thackeray pre-
served from mistake which would
have raised a laugh that would have
rung round the world.-westminst
Gazette.
West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1916-03-16
Taking No Chances.

Senator Jefr Davis OF Arkansas tells
this one on himself:
Il had an appointment to speak at a
town I'm eastern Arkansas on a Satur-
day. and 1 arrived on a late train the
night before. carrying nothing but a
small hand grip. There was no one on
duty at the hour except the night por.
ter. and he was acting as porter, clerk
and general Oyerseer registered, and
be showed me to n room. But In a
few minutes he came back and said:
BOSS, my 'struction is. when a gem
man haven't any baggage. to collect in
advance
why, I've got baggage. replied.
pointing to the little grip.
~ know. sir, boss he said, but
you've stayed too long on that al.
ready New York Globe.
West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1916-03-16
A Maud Powsn Anaodot.-

Maud Powell, the famous American
violinist, is n firm believer I'm constant
practice. no matter where she happens
to be located. The famous record OF
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS hours a day
practice-has been to her an Inspira-
ton. Musicians enjoy a story she tells
on herself. She was staying In the
summer at country place. Every
morning she went through her Gus
tomary exercises. Every morning a
boy employed about the place doing
chores" passed her open window and
heard her working away at something
which I'm the course Of few days he
learned 20 identify. When he heard
her playing 1t every morning for more
than a week he could no longer con-
tain himself. and as he passed the
open window he shouted. Jaw, say,
can't ye play # yitr-New York Post
West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1916-03-16
All Are on Timr at Sydney.

At Sydney, Australia. any telephone
subscriber can obtain correct standard
time by calling up the Sydney observa-
tory, says tie Scientific American. II
be wishes merely to check his watch
or clock he asks for Time" and is
connected with an operator who reads
or the correct time to the nearest half
minute from a clock controlled by the
standard clock OF the observatory. II
more accurate information be required
he asks for Exact time" and Is con.
nected with high frequency buzzer
which transmits the acrual beats OF
the observatory clock.
West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1916-03-16
How 90 Test Linen and Cotton IL You
Can't Tell the Difference.

II you are not sure that your mer-
chant is reliable when buying table
linen take home sample and wash IT
hard and then see. when II is ironed
dry, how much OF It's fine gloss and
smooth, satlny finish remain. Very Of
ten this is only a dressing and comes
out I'm the wash.
To test for cotton I'm your linen take
a thread running in each direction, pull
them apart and when they break no
tice the ends. II the fibers curl up
and are fuzzy 1t is cotton thread; II
they are lustrOns and lie straight and
parallel you have linen. AS I'm the case
OF cotton and wool mixtures, It holds
true OF linen and cotton that n mixture
made OF good grade Of both is prefer
able to an all linen at the same price.
The latter would have TO be OF an in
ferior grade, probably overbleached
and thereby rotted and sure to wear
poorly.
West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1916-03-16
HEARING AND SEEING.
The Ear and tho Eye and the Power a
the Brain to MemorizO.

The Ear and tho Eye and the Power a
the Brain to Memorizo.
Is the ear more retentve than the
eyei Are we more impressed with
what we hear than with what we see?
There Is a familiar legend OF Macau-
lay reciting a good part of Paradise
Lost during a voyage TO India and OF
the historians ability to rise from a
book ana repeat word for word what
he had read. There are also records OF
John Stuart Mills ability to remem-
Der the printed word
But the balance OF evidence seems
In favor OF the power to memorize that
which passes through the ear into the
brain. Memory" Woodfall. who lived
In the latter part OF the eighteenth
century, could attend debate and re-
port 1t exactly without notes, a pure
feat or aural memory. Toscanini can
conduct a number OF difficult operas
without the score before him. Thomas
Beecham. the London orchestra leader.
conducted from memory Strauss
"Rosenkavalier' upon twenty-four
hours notice. Won Buelow is said to
have memorized a Stanford symphony
on the train between Hamburg and
Berlin and to have conducted it with
out the score in the latter city. DR..
Kunwald can conduct from memory
large number of orchestral works. with
all their nuances OF Interpretation.
IL is question for the psychologist.
The popular verdict probably would be
In favor OF the prowess OF the ear
rather than of the eye. There are a
large number of people who can re-
member an air exactly. but to whom
the printed word is an evapOrated
thing as soon as 1t passes from their
eyes.-Cincinnati Tlmes-Star
West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1916-03-16
The Summer Home.


Here is a story concerning Nat Good
win and a former spouse which served
to amuse a party OF friends at the
time. The Goodwins at that time pos
Sessed a fine country home on the
banks OF the Thames river, near New
London, Conn Every summer they
used TO invite some OF their Thespian
friends to join their house party. On
one such occasion Mrs. Goodwin de
nvered a bonmot which Is worth re
peating.
Mrs. Goodwin" said some one. you
certainly have a fine place here. Just
think OF it-a lawn right on the riverr'
yes" was the reply. '1t's fine In
the spring we have the lawn on the
river. and in the fall we have the river
on the lawn."-Boston Record
West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1916-03-16
nattinn ~ III. Mn.i..

"Will you have my seat?' he inquir-
ed politely.
ION the ground that am aged and
decrepit?" the woman asked.
"No. indeed. madam"
THAT l am young and beautiful and
possibly not averse to a HirtationT"
Certainly not. That is
Then 1t must be because you are a
gentleman, In this respect differing
from the fat person on the left and
the scrawny specimen at the right. l
am glad TO learn your principles. sir,
but here is my street. Good day.
Boston Transcript.
West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1916-03-16

You never saw a woman with a rep
utation for good looks who didn't know
bow 70 fix her hair, remarks Arthur
AulL Make women clip their hair like
the men and cut out their soft, filmy
costumes, their fuzzy ruGles and the
careful manner OF accentuating the
hips and bust and you would hear very
little more about female beauty. Even
with every other aid but that OF the
bairdressers few women can pass
muster as beauties. No amount Of
dressing and very few faces and ag.
ures would be enough to Offset the ef-
feet OF n peeled onion do up on the
air.-Kansas City Journal
West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1916-03-16
Optimistic Thought.
Hone Exports ever 10 exile.
RECIPE FOR GRAY HAIR.

To half pint OF water add 1 OF. Ba,
Rum, a small box OF Barbo Compound
and Y OF. OF glycerine. Apply to the hail
twice a week until II becomes the desired
shade. Any druggist can put this up OF
you can mix II at home at very little cost
Full directions for making and use com,
In each box OF Barbo Compound IL viii
gradually darken streaked, faded era,
hair. and removes dandruff. II Is excel
lent for falling hair and will make harsh
hair soft and glossy. IL will not color the
scalp Is not sticky or greasy, and does no
rub of
West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1916-03-16

Nails. an Indispensable article for
Yeryday use in a thousand and one"
ways. arc not, az many OF us may SUD
Dose. Of very ancient origin. Natur.
ally there has always been . gubsti
ute. but u has only been since 1910
hat machinery has been employed 70
any extent IN the manufacture OF nails
PREVIOUS 20 that time they we're made
oy hand BY forging on an anvil and
great numbers Of men we're employed
IN tho industry.
West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1916-03-16
Nothina 70 Worry About.

The wife was tenderly sympathetic.
why, George. dear" she said when
she noted her husbands tense attitude
and set eyes. what is the troublef''
He looked at her absently. as upon q
total stranger.
oh" he said at length, there was
something I was going to worry about
Il know there was-but for the life OF
me can't think what Il is."-Puck.
West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1916-03-16

The anthrax germ Is the father OF
oil germs since II was the nrst dis
covered By the weak microscopes OF
half century ago That was because
the germ was 80 big. The microscopes
could not show the smaller germs. II
was the anthrax germ. therefore. that
led 70 the development OF the mlcrobe
theory which has caused such an al
vance in medicine -Posfon Globe.
West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1916-03-16
EOraWarnAd.

Little Harold was spending a few
days at his aunt's house. Just before
they sat down TO the dinner table he
took his aunt aside and whispered
MY mamma don't allow me TO ask for
a second helping OF dessert l thought
I'd let you know, so you wouldn't
think | didn't like the kind OF pie ami
things Won make st Louis Post-Dis
patch
West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1916-03-16
WHY WOMEN
WRITE LETTERS
To Lydia E. Pinkham Medi-
cine Co.

Women who are well often ask care
the letters which the Lydia f. Pinkham
Medicine Co. are continually publishing,
genuine?" "Are they truthful 7"
why do women write such letters Z"
In answer we say that never have we
published a fictitious letter or name.
Never, knowingly, have we published
an untruthful letter, or one without the
full and written consent of the woman
who wrote it.
The reason that thousands of women
from all parts of the country write such
grateful letters to the Lydia +. Pink
ham Medicine Co. is that Lydia +. Pink
ham Vegetable Compound has brought
health and happiness into their lives,
once burdened with pain and suffering.
1t has relieved women from some of
the worst forms of female ills, from dis
placements, inflammation, liberation,
Irregularities, nervousness, weakness,
stomach troubles and from the blues.
West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1916-03-16
How to Develop the Art Of Saving GaS
When You Cook.

To get the greatest amount OF heat
from a gas range and not waste gas
the gas should not be turned any high.
er than will give a perfect blue flame
When the fame becomes a yellowisb
red the gas Is being wasted and giving
a heat that smokes and smudges cook.
ing utensils and shortens their pc
Rod Of usefulness about one-half In
cooking have the fame about one-half
inch OF clear blue and after the article
being cooked reaches the boiling point
reduce the flame 70 only such a height
as win keep It boiling. This also ap.
plies 20 oven jets.
West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1916-03-16
ONWW,R


The diamond being tho most pre-.
eious and beautiful OF gems has in.
Vulnerable legends connected with Il
but II has always been considered the
safest Of talismans Because 70 sig
mites purity, innocence, and Joy, and
IL supposed % maintain peace. II has
come 70 be the engagement symbol
West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1916-03-16
). r. GUSEMAN
NJ. & K. RAILROAD.
fectlye Sunday, November 2S, 1916.

Effective Sunday, November 2S, 1915.
EAST BOUND TRAINS.
Leave Morgantown 1850 a. M.
2:45 and $3.50 p. IN.
Leave Kingwoed 1918 a. m. 2:l3
and '4:57 p. m.
Arrive NJ. X. Junction. 1901 a.
~, 2:56 and 1914 d. m.
Leave NJ. & X. Junction. 1929 a.
IL, 1920 and 5000 D. IN.
Leave Kingwood Hoop a. m. 5:O2
and '6:42 D. IN.
Arrive Morgantown f1l:25 a m.
i:25 and 1907 p. IN.
TDaily except Sunday.
Saturday only.
West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1916-03-16
How TO Cover Buttons to Match Your


Do you cover your own buttons7 Il
means n saving and gives variety to
a costume. II can be done by crochet
stitches or by needlework as well as
by bits OF fancy silk. too Insignificant
for any other use. Objections have
been heard on the score that the re-
suit IS not as satisfactory as profess
sional work. but the answer to that is
the injunction TO do all the work neat
~. slipshod methods are to be con-
demned everywhere, although. TO be
sure, time Is wasted I'm the inside finish
OF frocks. Even expensive dressmak-
ers have taken a hint from Paris and
concentrated on externals.