Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1916-08-14
0RDS A ND'
Id I s O R ID s

IL GA U LIS ~ %
THE best the ordinary minister of
the gospel can expect from the large
city newspaper these days IL three
line announcement once o week OF his
Sunday services, and then in the ma
iOrity OF cases he must pay for that.
The lines have been so tightly drawn
In distinguishing between what Is news
and what is not that even the men OF
God must put their foot on the acceI-
orator If they expect to draw first page
positions In the daily press. The rec
tor OF church in Austin, ILL.,, did it.
vi course you have been reading the
papers. You may have overlooked the
article on the latest discovery of a cure
for tuberculosis, but. cart wheels TO
dOughnuts, you are in possession of all
the facts, even to the minutest detail,
concerning the unfortunate meander-
ings of the aforementioned cleric. III
he had been just II plain citizen, with
wife and brood of youngsters, you
would not have seen the story. For the
very good reason that it would not
have been given space in your III odern
daily newspaper. In other words. the
press has been forced, by the trend of
the public appetite, to play up in its col
umn> such wares as Will lind the
quickest market This is answer to
those hypOcrites who publicly frOwn
on newspaper sensatiOnalism and pay
% cents per copy for Jim Jam Jems.
81 BEG to report" postcards Ig-
natz, that my friend August has de-
cided to vote for the republican candi-
date for president. It's Hughes like
dot nit August"
YOU are incorrect in your inference.
Gwendolyn. Not all of our celebrated
bares gained their fame in the wheat
pit. For instance, there are Lady Co
diva, Annette kellerman, Ann Pen
nington and so forth.
THERE has just been waited by the
lake breezes announcement of the en-
gagement to wed of Miss Canary of
Chicago. Tweet, tweet.
INSIDE Information.
When the pilot of this peak of piffe
bid his typewriter adieu and HE'D him
on his annual vacation he failed to
reckon with the slumbering genius of
those modest persons alongside whom
he labors Assuming that none had the
temerity to venture the task of filing
the space during the absence of the
regular conductor, the latter took oc-
casion facetiously, boastingly, as it
were, to comment on the void that
would be suffered by thousands of sub
scribers. You, dear readers, may well
appreciate his disappointment when,
on his return, he found that the coll
umn had been filled without break.
two of the young men of the staff col
labOrating, and with such success that
instead of the paper suffering loss of
patrons, as we vainly suspected it
would because of the absence of our
illusions, more than two hundred new
customers had been taken on. Fur
thermore, one of the volunteer c0lyum-
lists sang so sweetly and soothingly
and enChantingly-aS you doubtless
perceived-that one of his entranced
readers consented to become his bride.
His collaboration also received deluge
of perfumed notes expressing admira-
ton of his writings, but he was forced
to receive the bouquets in silence, the
explanation of said silence being a
wonderful little wife and a pair of the
cutest kiddies that ever blessed a dot
ing daddy.
S0-CALLED model husbands don't
always make Il hit with tine American
woman. Samuel Richards OF New
York in the 20 years OF his married
life never spent IA night away from
home, yet he is being sued for divorce.
The wonder to the average wife is that
Mrs. Richards endured him so long.
The most effective way to hold your
wife, observes ii. l.. T.. is to have the
telephone removed and carry a night
key.
BILLY Sunday is planning a trip
into Alaska next summer. Gosh, we
thought he was picking up gold in the
states fast enough to suit any man.
Street Car Comedy.
why is it that fat men are always
so good natured?"
4 thought everybody knew They
are too porky 10 fight and TOO lazy to
run"
WOMAN in Toledo, Ohio. put out one
of her husbands eyes in n Jealous
TEiC nnnhf IN