Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1916-07-22
cHORDS A ND'
ID L S G O II ID S
THE VALLEY CLARION.


ten to inquire if the electric street
! sprinkler is running still. Yes, It Is.
so still, in fact. few are aware thar it
| is operating. It's an early riser, too,
getting into motion before most OF sour
| best citizens have opened their eyes.
| If you examine the pavementS closely
enough you will observe its footprints.
John Carse, president of our Cheese
club which, for obvious reasons, is in
active during the heated period, allows
that the manager of the Rock Island
b. b. team seems to have the other
clubs in the league completely at Bay.
Very good, say we We were tempted
to offer this as one of our own, but
John has sprung it on so many of our
| townspeOple that we couldn't afford TO
take chance.
Ye editor has turned his Big Ben
towards the wall He doesn't need
same these days. Bill Dart, our whole
sale grocer, drives by ye eds house
every a. IN. at on horseback. Said
animal plays the reveille on the brick
pavement. That beats a b. Ben all
hollow. It's i great accommodation,
because there are times when B. Ben
misses fire. being susceptible to hook
worm in summer.
J. Franklin Welch, our popular cap
italist, says he sees by his paper that
an investigation in New York shows
that there is more drunkenness among
married men than among bachelors.
J., with one of his Enthusiastically
sly filters of the left optic, surmises
there is a reason. And he says she's
got the right TO vote in number of
states.
Our chief of police, Phil Miller, cele-
brated his birthday one p. m. recently
with a dinner, at which a selected
party of friends surrounded the fes-
tive board, We ed being among those
for whom chairs were reserved. Chick
en- was the piece de resistance. Some
of the guests declared that several of
the birds had two or three necks. If
the chief is as young as he behaved on
said occasion he can't be half as old
as he looks when on duty. 1t was a
full dress affair, all wearing the con-
ventional black except Detective Cox
who revealed a new ALPACA. When
the chicken was served Com. Mic Juhl
removed his coat He said he had to
do it in order to get free use of his
arms in carving the piece de resist
ance." There were also served chicken
giblets, potatoes, giblets, cucumbers,
giblets, coffee, ice cream, cake and
giblets A pleasant time was had by
all present, despite the heat, flies, etc.
The party broke up before the mosqui-
toes had begun their evenings work.
An Oklahoma paper has been re-
ceived announcing the candidacy of
Mr. Tnn ell fnr CHI riff Of Voc inn ton,
county, in that state. He has long
been threatening to break out into
politics.
The bars in our city are being built
so long that our most successful drink
ers say it is impossible to travel an
entire rail in one night; that by the
time you reach the other end you can't
tell whether you are going or coming
Deacon Bill Johnston, our banker,
is of the opinion that the author of
The Rocky Road to Dublin" penned
said anthem after riding over the Ninth
street road in an automobile. Bill en-
tertained the other night at an auto
party, he being now owner of one of
the most attractive machines that
honor our streets with their presence.
He followed the Ninth street road for
drive in the country. Between Eigh-
teenth avenue and the first Rock river
bridge three pairs of suspenders were
burst, one pair of glasses lost and sew
en- teeth jerked loose, the damages be
ing suffered by those of Mr. Johnst0n's
guests who didn't know the trick of
riding the bumps. In this connection
the editor was informed of the expe-
rience of a Bowling farmer who was
L. ,-Sr-
While plotting his team along the
treacherous highway he was knocked
off the wagon seat three times. Then
he decided to walk
Bill Mullane. our steel magnate, has
changed the color of his auto. But he
didn't fool anybody. The only way
Bill can disguise the identity of his
little boat is by putting another story
on 1t. But it's a grand little rider at
that, say those who have helped Bill
burn gasoline.
There will be a scarcity of news for
a few weeks after the first of the com
ing month, as We ed is planning to dis
appear on his annual hegira. or words
to that effect. The date of his depar-
ture is being secretly guarded on ac-
count of so many being interested in
his address about the first of every
month. If there are any customers in
debted to the editor they are beseeched
to come across, because the newspa-
pers don't get railroad transportation,
without cash, any more We have
talked to Frank H. Plummer, II. W
Crawford, Daisy Oden, S. B. Stoddard
and all of the conductors on the lines
running into our city, but they all
shook their heads and said there was
nothing stirring. So it will be neces-
sary to have the honest-to-goodness
cash before we can get away. Unless
there is an unexpected flock of debtors
coming our way it looks as though we
wouldn't be able to get farther than a
days ride from home. But our edi-
tors have it on the rest of the trav-