The Washington times., 1916-04-10
Where Shall
We Vacation
This Summer.
Being a Domestic Tragedy in
Three Acts, Suitable for
Production in Any Place
in This Country.

front Of open closet. Mr.. Smith is
sass on top Ti step sSds s % a.
Smith hands up packages he writes on them
and packs them in the back Of the top shelf.
Time; The middle o. April
Mrs. Smith-This is my winter top
coat. that gray thing you know (Mr
Smith takes package and writes on
II with small pencil-"My Coat" places
in back of closet.) Don't set 1t way
back there; you know very well that
1 will, need Il to take away with mo
this summer. Hand II back. hand IL
back. I had better not pack II at all.
Mr.. Smith-(Opening package and
spilling moth balls over floor) You
don't even know where we're going.
Whadde va mean, take away with va?
Che stops with package half opened
in his hand and looks at Mrs. Smith
with his mouth hanging open. Anon
he scratches his head.)
Mrs. Smlth-Close your mouth.
believe you have adenoids. l may
not know where We are going, but l
know where we're not going. We're
not going where we went last sum-
meT. That awful MOSQUITO infected
holei I didn't have a day of peace
from the time l left to the time 1 left.
1 mean the time I got there. Those
women-(here substitute any woman's
opinions of any woman friend with
whom she spent last vacation.)
beginning with first lines. repeat
thta scene with slight variations to
suit, until person playing role OF Mrs.
Smith complains of cricK In the neck
from looking up at Mr.. Smith. Pro-
ceed then To Act H.
CURTAIN.
ACT II.
Scene: Living room OF the Smiths
Time: Two months later. A June night.
lThe Smiths are discovered seated ut low
table with lamp shedding light on numerous
folders. pamphlets dictionaries. aliases.
etc.)
Mrs. Smith reading from pamphlet
The view includes the rolling hills OF
Virginia! the beautiful Shenandoah.
and the hundreds OF little hamlets with
their spires (Mr. Smith groans
wearilyD
Mr.. Smith, don't care how many
spires ] can see by climbing to the top
of Madman's Cap or Robbers Roost.
What / want is a tip on the kind of
meals we have on rainy sunday nights.
Mrs. Smith~-Well. / must say l never
saw such a dis-a-gree-able man In all
etc, etc. (Continuing) And I'm not
going to let you make me mad. Now
Ill read one from the Catskills. (She
reals aloud for ten mlnutes.)
Mr.. Smith-But, darling. We can't so
to
Mrs. smith-There you are again, you
wet blanket. You haven't any pore
vision than a we'll
,CContinue scene with slight variations
In reading matter given out by Mrs.
Smith. until persons playing roles are
physlcally exhausted. At end Mrs.
Smith Smith ,ksN Leaves room at words more
CURTAIN.
ACT Ill.
Time; Mid-Juiy. At a. M, Monday
THE Smiths are both persprIng freely;
Trunks. bags etc, about smith diScoTcred
tisbt' Mrs. smith stands by clasping and
unclasping her hands same costumes as
Act -
Smith (between gasps)-l don't see
why YOU couldn't wait and let the ex-
-lo-this-the-d-.
Mrs. Smith draws herself up and
ready so that we can get off early In
the morning. There'll be enough to do
then. AS 1t is
Smith-Well may be a-fool-
but-I don't even ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
(He stops with soot braced against
trlpk. strap in hand. perspiration
trickling freely down his face, as he
Eazes at Mrs. Smith. sne looks at him.
sets her lips and clasps her hands in
front OF her. Suddenly trunk strap
breaks, throwing Mr.. Smith backwards.
He rolls on the floor murmuring.
Mrs Smith-Shame, shame for a husband
and father of innocent babes to use
such language. You need not call upon
your maker. HE will not heed you. 1
will leave you. (Goes to door while
Mr.. Smith sits up and stares at her.
She speaks from doorway: We are
going to the same place where we were
last summer. John. 1t Is lovely (leaves
room still talkng) (Smith falls back
ward on floor still gTasping trunk strap
in his hand, and lies outspread, stone
dead,)
CURTAIN.