El Nuevo mexicano., 1916-05-11

NOTHING TO fortytWo was the pro-
portion OF Americans and Mexicans XIII
ed in the last fight Pretty fair ratio.
OUR RELATIONS with Germany
have not been broken, but they have
been badly bent.
THE GERMAN writer who ~eulpgized
President Wilson as q man Of high eour-
age and character and told his fellow
countryinan they better begin consider
ing the other Fellows rights win prob
ably be hanged Inter den Linden.
WARS MAY come and 60, but not In
Haiti and Santo Domingo. There they
just simply stay.
WE HAVE a bunch that the Deming
Graphic is not Too Proud to Fight.
PROSPERITY continues to.
Arrive in heavy doses;
This spring they add five dollars to
The price Of suits Of cIotheses.
A GIRL at Logan. N. M, temporarily
lost her mind as the result of an all
night dance. We know Of many similar
case where the loss has been permanent.
JOHNNY ROBERTS is now busiIy
engaged In writing the Life and Adven-
lures Of Paneho villa. Our idea Of a
Large Order.
HOW TO MAKE A MOVIE COMEDY
First, get = Large Fat Man and n
Tall Thin Man.
Then secure One Hallway with a
Dumb-Walter and Rooms opposite each
other on each side OF the hall.
Place In one room one large, homely
Domager with a Sporty Husband and
Sinpering Daughter, uitrasDecolIette.
Place across the hall one Seductive
Chicken who Economies In the Use of
Clothes, Smokes Cigarettes and who Is
generally Robing OF pls-robing.
Place In the Hallway one Sporty
Scion, TWO Maids and a Janltor.
The stage now being set, have the Fat
Man Kick the Thin Man In the Rear
Elevation, Pushing him Through TWO
Doors and into the Lap Of the Chicken.
Then have the Thin Man Tickle the
Partly ALFRED Chicken under the chin.
She then Projects him Violently through
Two Doors against the DowageF, who
Falls against the Fat Man, who Falls
against the Daughter, who Falls into the
~t'HHif~s"SS WHtsh SNENHlp hPSH t"S
Carpet.
The Fat Man then pushes the Thin
Man with his foot, the Thin Man being
Projected through two doors, across the
Janitor and TWO Maids into the Rear of
the Chicken, who Swats the Fat Man
with a. Mirror or Large China Vase, up
on which the Fat Man wcbbIes his head
with a Strabismic ExpressioffNand Falls
Slowly upon the Floor.
Having thus started the action, have
all members Of the Cast Swat Each
Other as Fast as Possible with all the
Bric-a-brae in all the Rooms, and with
any Pies, ice-cream, Soup, Salad or 9TH,
er Refreshments VaiIahIe, meanwhile
Chasing Each other Up and Down Five
Flights of Stairs. In the melee the la
dies are Requested to Register as much
Hosiery, Lingerie and Anatomy as posi-
Bile. If a few Chorus Girls or Draped
Models can be introduced, II will add to
the Success Of the Comedy.
THE FUNNY MAN
The funniest man / ever did see
Was Mr.. Hilarious Cachinnate Glee.
He laughed at everything that he said,
From the time he rose till he went to
bed.
He screamed with mirth at the birds in
the trees;
And he roared at a bit of bread and
cheesel
Whenever anybody spoke,
He thought it the biggest sort Of a joke.
He giggled his goggles on and then,
He giggled his goggles on again! .
And when anyone said Dear Mr.. Gaee,
Why do you laugh at all you see?"
He shook with laughter and made reply,
4 think it is better to laugh than cry!"
Carolyn Wells in st. Nicholas.
= = :
THE PRESENT application being
that you must try not to cry over the
pathetic efforts on our sad colyum.
IT'S A SAD TALE, MATES
Somebody must have turned in q lead
dollar at q Chatauqua box Office. Coz.
Bryan has lost 80 pounds recently.-Bos-
ton Advertiser.
creep.
AMBITION is the thing that boosts
q man up the ladder,
= "
MEN WHO think they know it all are
never able TO prove it,
THEN SOME of those congressmen
have the nerve to get up and talk about
patriotism.
And Celebrate the FeFdth Of July
M drrthf e.t1nr. IFo.a~~s - .1~.t.I ..r-s4
hayetO faQl the Lady down the Bay the
Statue Of FivVerty-Conning Flower
Ny. Tribune.