davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Askov American. [volume] (Askov, Pine County, Minn.) 1914-current, 1916-06-08
Reasonable Admiration,

'"~D'~ 'SSP'"e'" N
II suppose you have high ambitions
for your boyF"
Well. wouldn't say that exactly;
but do hope that he won't turn out
dancing teacher"
Askov American. [volume] (Askov, Pine County, Minn.) 1914-current, 1916-06-08
Appearance. Against Him.

Appearances N0AInst HIM.
II believe In putting q good face on
everything" said the philosophical
man.
Then rejoined the sarcastic wona-
an. II Ia evident you are not . SELF
made man"
Askov American. [volume] (Askov, Pine County, Minn.) 1914-current, 1916-06-08
The Rule.

The Rule.
you must never forget, my boy.
that about one-third OF all success Is
pure luck"
But how can you make sure of this
Iuck?"
why, by being successful Life.
Askov American. [volume] (Askov, Pine County, Minn.) 1914-current, 1916-06-08
No L.onQer Plar.

Reformer--I hope you are not play.
ing politics.
Politician--There's no such thing N
playing politics. Politics these days
In work.
Askov American. [volume] (Askov, Pine County, Minn.) 1914-current, 1916-06-08

The proof OF the pudding 10 Ia the
amount left over.
Askov American. [volume] (Askov, Pine County, Minn.) 1914-current, 1916-06-08

Courtship after marriage IL more
important than It was before.
Askov American. [volume] (Askov, Pine County, Minn.) 1914-current, 1916-06-08
Not Worthless.

Not Worthless.
II always thought that links was
leading a worthless life"
Wasn't he?"
mo: his life was insured for thou
sand"
Askov American. [volume] (Askov, Pine County, Minn.) 1914-current, 1916-06-08

For gals use Hanford's Balsam
Adv.
Askov American. [volume] (Askov, Pine County, Minn.) 1914-current, 1916-06-08
Personally Considerate,

FeTSoHa1Iy NuHSfucTdtc.
Kitty-Reggy Soft is continually
patting himself on the back, isn't he?
Peggy-Yes; the dear boy IL so kind
to dumb animals.
Askov American. [volume] (Askov, Pine County, Minn.) 1914-current, 1916-06-08

Not RArs Cook.
Husband--That new cook seems -
he awfully extravagant.
Wife, Why do you think sof
Husband She evidently thinks W
have victuals to burn.
The Hays free press. [volume] (Hays, Kan.) 1908-1924, 1916-12-16

wick Beach amt nothing against IL,
Simon Kuhney has been living now In
Brunswick Beach for six years. yum
derstand. and he says If he leaves his
house at seven O'Clock he is In his Of
fee at eight fifteen"
s'Sure I know" Zapp said. "but II a
Teller which leaves his home in
Brunswick Beach at seven O'Clock
would arrive In his Office at eight If
teen only often enough, .Birsky, soon-
er or later on his account the conduc-
tor would got to go from car to car
asking is there doctor on the train. y
"WeH, If everybody felt the way you
do about living in the country, Zapp,
Bfrsky said, S'who would buy suburban
real estate2"
Nobody" Zapp replied.
"But you admit that there's q whole
lot of people living In the suburbs,
Zapp," Birsky said. and Zapp nodded.
'"Then there must be some advan-
tage in It," Birsky insisted.
WELL Zapp admitted, there's one
thing that fellers which lives in the
suburbs has got more than fellers
which lives in the city"
whats that?' Birsky asked.
Mileage" Zapp concluded.
Copyright. New York Tribune0
The Hays free press. [volume] (Hays, Kan.) 1908-1924, 1916-12-16
INDIAN NAMES FOR WARSHIPS
Suggestion Made That Vessels of the
United States Navy Be Called
After Famous Red Men,

A correspondent of the New York
Times advocates Indian names for
United States warships. How 10
name the ships Of our vastly extended
navy is an interesting question A
glance down the list OF the names OF
our naval ships does undoubtedly give
the impression that they had been &C
eepted by a weary man as a choice OF
evils
1T seems TO me that from the men
Of the race longest identified with orr
hiStOry-the noble red men-and from
their tribes, most BETTING titles could
be found for applying TO our warships.
From early childhood the lives OF the
foremost Indian chieftains have in
spired intense admiration in Amed-
cans. They are the ideal embodiment
OF the greatest naval battle proves
OF their time.
What names could imply the idea
OF indOmitable fighting force in the
American mind equally with POwha-
tan. the powerful sachem OF Virginia :
or Pontiac. the Red Napoleon" chief
OF the Ottawas; or Tecumseh. chief
OF the Shawnees, or (ShawanOes) and
celebrated fighter. diplomat, and ora
tor; or Black Hawk, noted warrior
chieftain OF the Sacs and Foxes?'
The Hays free press. [volume] (Hays, Kan.) 1908-1924, 1916-12-16

The heavy yarn is used for overcasting
seams and edges and for tasseis which
finish the scarf ends and decorate the
cap and bag.
These yarns are used In the same
way on hats and bags OF silk for
sports wear. One OF the handsomest
novelties is a set OF hat and bag OF
blue silk lined with. gold. Blue and
gold yarn overcasts all the seams in
the bag and in the crown OF the hat
The tassels, OF the same yarns. are
fastened to the top Of the hat and the
bottom OF the bag with snap fasteners.
and may be removed SO that the set
may be worn either side out Mustard
colored fabrics look particularly wei
The Hays free press. [volume] (Hays, Kan.) 1908-1924, 1916-12-16

Jersey and camel's hair cloth, are
most satisfactory. The sweater goes
without saying as the most important
feature in the sports outfit, and some Of
the snartest ones have wide belts,
while practically all Of them have
pockets. Matched sets include
sweater. cap, and scarf to match, or
sets of hat. scarf and bag, or cap, scarf
and muff. The convertible scarf is
something new, in a long scarf which
may be made into scarf and cap In one.
All sorts of sets are trimmed with
heavy yarns and worsteds in contrast
ing colOrs.
Eiderdown is a familiar material
that serves the purpose for making in
expensive sets. In white trimmed with
white yarn it makes q cap. scarf and
bag for the skates, of much distinction.
The Hays free press. [volume] (Hays, Kan.) 1908-1924, 1916-12-16
The Penalty.

Senator Fall was talking in New
York about the Mexican situation.
'sThis imbroglio." he said, disgust
eddy, alluding to an earlier phase,
''was due to Observation-Disclosures Well,
Observation-Disclosures in affairs of state
gets punished as sharply as in affairs
OF love.
81 once knew an absent-minded dry
goods clerk who was in love with a
spirited girl. He took her hand one
night and droned:
Dear, dear little hand! / wonder
II wonderland then his absent
mindedness got its work IN. and he
said:
ST wonder If IT will washY
'HThe girl gave a sudden start.
No. George she Missed, st won't
wash, and I may as well tell you, too,
that it won't cook, or sweep, or darn
socks. either. Good evening P"-
Washington Star.
The Hays free press. [volume] (Hays, Kan.) 1908-1924, 1916-12-16
Deadly Raiadrops.

The f1erceSt bombardment concefv-
able would not be nearly so destructive
to human life as an ordinary shower If
it were not for the protective covering
of our atmosphere. We live, move, and
have our being at the bottom of an air
room 10 miles or more deep. There
fore, we are safe, not only from fall
ing raindrops, but from meteorites and
other wandering bodies from outer
space. But, suppOsing that it were
possible for human beings to exist in
an atmosphere that rose only to
few feet above their heads, and that
stormcIOuds could form in the region
outside such a low-grade atmosphere.
then every raindrop would prove as
fatal to earthly creatures as If it were
steel bullet fired from dynamite
gun. AS it is, however, the resistance
of our atmosphere so materially re-
duces the rate at which the raindrops
fall that they are harmless; though
were it not for the hindrance they en-
counter from the air each drop would
fall with a velocity great enough to
penetrate the full length OF a grown
mans body.
The Hays free press. [volume] (Hays, Kan.) 1908-1924, 1916-12-16

many homes, is most annoying when
guests are present. In one home it
was made the rule that the children
might take part in the conversation
when guests were present, provided
the children could contribute some
thing of interest concerning the SUBJ
iect under discussion. This taught the
children to listen carefully to what was
being said. This, in itself, is of I'M
told advantage to the child, for, in
home where people with bright ideas
concerning all the questions of the
day gather around the table, the gen.
eraI conversation is of great educa-
tionaI value TO the child. The child
cannot fail to become a good con-
versationalist with this early train
ing.
The Hays free press. [volume] (Hays, Kan.) 1908-1924, 1916-12-16
In Woman'S Realm
Practical Sports Clothes Have Been Designed by Leading
ian Modistes of Which This Skating Suit Is Sample
Bridesmaids Hats That Have the Sanction of
Recognized Leaders of Fashion.

with fasseIs OF vari-colored wOrsteds.
Any month I'm the year is the best
OF months for wedding-if the bride
chooses il. An Indian summer setting.
or Snowclad little world as a back
ground, may seem q happier choice
than June when all the details Of the
great event show a reckoning with
the season
In the three hats shown In the Illus
tration prevailing styles in picturesque
millinery give the bride a choice for
herself or for her maids, that cannot
go wrong. Each one OF them repre-
sents a type recognized as appropriate
in any season The largest hat. with
wide, graceful brim, is OF light gray
velvet faced with pale rose satin The
ever-present metallic touch appears in
the lacing OF silver cord across the
The Hays free press. [volume] (Hays, Kan.) 1908-1924, 1916-12-16

There are plenty Of practical sports
clothes for those VINO really take part
In winter ,pastimes, and there are just
as many sports clothes de luxe for
those who dress with an eye 70 placing
themselves in harmony with their en-
vironment. These are made to be
looked at and are marvels of adapta-
ton of exquisite materials to sports
styles.
A skating suit, shown in the picture.
Is made for real service. It is a MILDLY
blouse of a special knitted material
In Scotch colorings, trimmed with a
plain knitted material. The plain
trimming matches the predominating
color in the MILDLY, and the skirt is
made OF the same plain cloth.
For real utility sports clothes. soft,
lightweight but warm materials, like
The Hays free press. [volume] (Hays, Kan.) 1908-1924, 1916-12-16
Iwilinht of the Gods

At the base Of the vast structure 50
patiently reared by Herbert Spencer
the miSts are already dense. though
not as obscuring as the clouds at the
mausoleum OF Comte- Theat great
charmIess woman. George Eliot. smiles
the smile OF s0mber ennui before the
Spencer tomb. and the invisible voice
OF Ernest HaeckeI is heard whisper
ing: "Where is your Positivismf
Where is your RationaIism2 What
has become OF your gaseous inverte-
brate godz- Surely there is sadly re-
quired in the cynical universities OF
the world a chair OF irony with subtle
Edgar SaItus as its first incumbent
James Huncker In New York Sun
The Hays free press. [volume] (Hays, Kan.) 1908-1924, 1916-12-16

crown and in a heavier cord Of silver
on the brim. Large, full-blown' metal
lie roses, in pale rose color, harmo-
uize beautifully with the gray velvet
and silver cord, for they have a sheen
of silver over their color. If the best
man, or some other good fellow, is
not made captive by those rose-adorn-
ed ropes of silver he is a hardened and
hopeless bachelor.
Next appears an entieing poke bon
net, covered with olive green velvet.
1t has a soft pulled crown and a brim
cut away at the back. There is a col
lar of gold ribbon finished with a bow.
at the back. On the front 8 little
basket is outlined in gold thread, filed
with tiny gay-colored silk flowers, set
fat against the collar. A similar mod
el trimmed with narrower ribbon tied
The Hays free press. [volume] (Hays, Kan.) 1908-1924, 1916-12-16

4E RUN across Max Paikes yester-
day afternoon" Louis Birsky
the real estater said one morn
ing "He was telling me that you
spent Sunday with him at his place
In Sand Plains"
HE amt lying to you,'' Barnett
Zapp the waist manufacturer admit
ted.
what kind OF property has he got
up there?" Birsky asked.
Hes got all the cOnven1ences of a
Teller living in a $50 month cold
water fiat, without janitor service, be-
fore steam heat was invented, except
that he amt so handy to delicates-
sen store. The bread run out at lunch
time, Birsky, and for supper we had
to eat Fig Newtons with dried her
ring and luncheon bolony, as Mrs.
Paikes didn't know the neighbors
good enough to borrow a loaf from
them on account of only living up
there three years.
"But amt the air elegant up II
Westchester County?'' Birsky insisted
'Sayi" Zapp exclaimed, latter
Teller escapes with his life from the
subway at 42nd Street, understand
and travels up to Sand Plains every
night in a combination baggage and
smoker along with five or six dozen
decent, respectable, Woodworking Ital-
iener ash cart drivers, understand me,
when he arrives in the country,
BirSky, the air must got to be elegant.
otherwise it wouldn't be too much to
expect there is waiting for him a
couple of soda water tanks full of
oxygen like they give 1t to pneumonia
patients with a rating of A to C, credit
high"
what are you talking nonsense,
Zapp?" Birslzy said. ST bet you wasn't
on the train half an hour Sand
Plains is one of the most convenient
suburbs to get to-"
s'Sure I know" Zapp said, "but
Paikes don't live in the suburbs, Bir-
sky. He lives in the suburbs of the
suburbs. and he says to me on the
train that from the station to his
house is only twenty minutes by troll
ley, but he practically never takes il
as his oitermobile is waiting for him
at the station practically every night
and gets him to his home in ten min
utes. Well, after we got out of the
trolley. Birsky, we walked another ten
blocks. and at last we reached the
house. If ever you go up to Sand
Plains to see Paikes and the oitermo
bile should practically not be at the
station, Birsky, you couldn't miss
Paikes's house. Keep to the right
after you cross the tracks and it's
the 956th white colonial house with
green blinds and a For Sale sign or
IT.
"Is Paikes's house for sale?" Birsky
asked.
''Sure it is" Zapp replied. "Whal
do you think-Paikes is such a Close
friend of mine that he asks me up fol
pleasure?"
~For why does he want to seIl?'
Birsky inquired.
"He says before lunch that his wifi
takes a dislike to the place on acceun
in summer the smell Of the flower
reminds her of the cemetery wher,
her Uncle Jake's first wife is buried
and for that reason he would tax,
$12.250 for the house. After Iunel
ne also said that his hay fever wa
something terrible up there and h
might be willing on that account t.
cali it an even twelve thousand. Ate
supper he says if it wouldn't be tina
his father-in-law is getting prett,
The Hays free press. [volume] (Hays, Kan.) 1908-1924, 1916-12-16
Evenina Goats Like capes-

All evening coats have the swing Of
full cape In their ampleness- One o.
deep violet velvet has a high collar OF
gray fur, which comes mp TO the ears,
then rolls back TO the shoulders In cape
form. dropping bit in the back. The
sleeves are large and have bands Of
gray FUR 50 deep as to be verftable
NUTS. The wrap is ankle length. with
a four-inch band Of the gray fur about
the hem.
Another French evening wrap is IKE
cape. snd a Fgy tan one 1t that r
The Hays free press. [volume] (Hays, Kan.) 1908-1924, 1916-12-16

III l4lC ZfOOp VI
anywhere that I know Of for me to
Think so much of what YOU say
Now. come, come said Mr.. Mon
key. We mustn't be Rude to each
other. This is to be a friendly little
Talk
It's not so Friendly. seems to me.
said Mr.. HippopOtamus. to call me
Stupid. So why need 1 be friendly
and say Think you're quite rightT
'''Well, well, WE'LL said Mr.. Monkey.
You needn't Talk to me if, you don't
want to, though you must admit you
like Talking to me. Everyone does.
I'm so Funny, so Bright, and / can do
so many Tricks. Even those Cousins
of mine who go around with Hand
Organs are greatly Admired. Small
Children think they're Wonderful and
give them Pennies. Were you ever
given Penny in your Life, old HippoT
mo replied Mr.. Hippopotamus.
and I'm. sure l don't see any Reason
why 1 should I wouldn't know what
to do with a Penny. It's very Silly
little round thing, 1 knOw-and it
wouldn't do me a Scrap OF good
Tut, tut said Mr.. Monkey. You
will never have a little Boy or a little
Girl think you're Bright if you talk
that way about Pennies. Why, old
Hippo, little Boys and Girls buy Sticks
of Candy with Pennies. When they
have five Pennies it means q Bag of
Popcorn maybe, or a Bag of Peanuts
"'Well, that isn't so Bad, then said
oil I INT
know where to go and Hunt for Pop
corn and Peanuts
'Ha, ha, ha,' laughed the Monkey.
The Idea of Talking about Hunting
for POPCORN and Peanuts. You Buy
them from Popcorn Stands. Um-um,
and Mr.. Monkey Smacked his Lips,
and began Turning a Somersault or
two with the Joy of just Thinking
about such Goodies as Popcorn and
Peanuts.
land another thing, old Hippo,
continued Mr.. Monkey, you never tell
Mrs. Hippopotamus that she's nice and
a Fine, Bright Hippo. I tell that to
SIrs. Monkey all the time. She keeps
House better when tell her that. She
Brushes the big Cage between Meals
anu SH0 ElChS OdI ali SOElS VI SOOu
| things from the Straw when they get
Lost as the Children throw them in SO
Carelessly sometimes
Now, that's Absurd, Mr. Monkey
/ There is no Reason why 1 should tel
Mrs. Hippopotamus anything but thai
she's a HippopOtamus-
"Just then Passing through the Zoe
were some Boys and Girls with their
! Teacher from School.
"'Now, children the Teacher said
here is the Hippopotamus with the
short Legs. He is very stupid Ami
NAL. As Stupid as any you can find
/ Rnt here on the other side is Mr.
The Hays free press. [volume] (Hays, Kan.) 1908-1924, 1916-12-16

in a simple bow at the front is a
shade more demure. It was worn at
a morning wedding by a maid IN a
redingote dress of olive velvet carrying
a big. bouquet OF yellow chrysanthe-
NUNS. No man behOlding It could call
his soul his own.
The third hat is a shape OF the hour
made Of Iight-colOred panne velvet
with an extension border Of chiffon
about the brim. Picot-edged ribbon
and a brilliant fancy feather herald
it as strictly up to date
The Hays free press. [volume] (Hays, Kan.) 1908-1924, 1916-12-16

understand, the last owner gets 1t
for nothing with a bonus OF 5000
thrown in. And even then he Is wei
come to the house for ali of me"
THAT'S because you don't know
what 1t is like to live In the country,
Zapp," Birsky said.
81 think I've got a pretty good fdee, .
Zapp retorted. cts something ike
being southern salesman for a line OF
goods where you've got to make a
different town each day. The dis
lance you travel is the same, the rail-
road accommodations amt no better,
but instead of getting every night a
rotten dinner and good game OF
pinochle afterwards at dollar-and-a-
half day hotels, American plan, you
go home and get a good dinner and
no game of pinochle at all from one
years end to the other. Yes. Birsky.
it's very unjust the way the world
looks at things. For instance, once
in five years Mr.. Roosevelt makes a
trip OF about 10000 miles, y'under-
stand, and when he comes back, yum
derstand, a dozen magazines is fall
ing over themselves that Mr.. .ROose-
welt should accept five thousand dol
lars apiece for an article telling about
these here ten thousand miles he trav-
eled; he writes 4 book about 1t, Bir-
sky. and gets paid at the rate Of a
dollar mile, or $4,000, for it; he
gives a lecture about it in Carnegie
hall and six people sends letters TO the
papers and complains Of the man in
the box Office because he says all right
he's a liar then, when he told them
two hours after the advance sale
opened that the entire house was
The Hays free press. [volume] (Hays, Kan.) 1908-1924, 1916-12-16
Envyina 4 Loser,

Dat man done made an election bet
dat leaves him 'bliged TO eat a gallon OF
Tasses wifi a toothpick," remarked Mr..
Erastus Pinkly.
We'll" remarked Pickaninny jim
DE toothpick makes It slow work, but
de Tasses is with it,
The Hays free press. [volume] (Hays, Kan.) 1908-1924, 1916-12-16
No Bank Failures in China.

Nine hundred years ago China had a
bank failure, remarks the Sioux City
Tribune Hi Hung, ruler OF the Celes-
tiai empire at the time, investigated
and discovered shady conduct on the
part of the bank officials. He immedi-
ately issued an edict that the next time
bank went to the wall the heads of
its president and directors should be
forfeited. Since then there have been
Nc, bank failures in China. This meth
cd OF dealing with frenzfed finance
may not be appealingly poetic, but 1t
appears to have been indisputabIy ef-
fectiye.
The Hays free press. [volume] (Hays, Kan.) 1908-1924, 1916-12-16

Buried"
feeble and might go off at any mo-
ment, corner of seth Street and Mad
ison Avenue. understand. he wouldn't
take a penny less than $11 500 for the
house. and just before got on the
train to come home he says how much
would I give for the house"
..But. Paikes really and truly paid
Twelve thousand for the house." Bir-
sky declared
.sThen how could he expect to get
rid OF it for 81. 5O0?'s Zapp demand
ed. eff you would read the Sunday
papers. Birsky, you would know that
the standard amount below cost which
they advertise country houses TO sell
for is $5.0O0. In fact. l often figured
it out, Birsky, that as everybody Is
willing to sell his Broom house with
s baths. sun parior and every mod
arn Improvement for $1,000 below
cost. If such house originally cost
s2S.G0O and changes hands six times:
The Hays free press. [volume] (Hays, Kan.) 1908-1924, 1916-12-16


things TO Eat. The Monkey did lots Of
Tricks as the Children stood before
him-and as for the poor old HippOpO-
tamus-as soon as the children had
looked at him they had said how Queer
and Stupid ne was.
after the Children had left, and
Mr.. and Mrs. Monkey were enjoying
their Feast-and were giving some OF
the Peanuts to their Family, Mr.. Hip
pOpotamus said, What did they all
Chatter about?
"'Why. didn't you hearF said Mr..
Monkey.
"No, 1 fell Asleep. But what have
you got over thereF
"'Ha, ha.' laughed AIr. Monkey once
more. I stayed Awake and got Pea
nuts and Popcorn
oh. give me some. Throw it over
here know I'm Stupid-but L know
I'D like a Peanut or two
"sWeH, as long as you Admit that
you're Stupid III throw over enough
! for Sou and Mrs Hippo. grinned Mr..
Monkey.
The Hays free press. [volume] (Hays, Kan.) 1908-1924, 1916-12-16
The child az Table.

The table is the ideal place for fam
lily interchange of thought, and the
children who are old enough TO come
to the table should be encouraged to
take part in the conversation. One
good result of this is that it helps to
keep the child from eating too fast.
However. the children's chatter, in
The Hays free press. [volume] (Hays, Kan.) 1908-1924, 1916-12-16

is ankle length and the front edges are
cut 50 they form a muR when the
hands are clas2ed The collar. high and
rolling like the one just described
turns IN a muller with pointed ends
which drop long tassels from the shOul
der because the scarf ends are crossed
in front-Eew York Herald
The Hays free press. [volume] (Hays, Kan.) 1908-1924, 1916-12-16

The habit OF looking on your neigh
bor's life with some such interest as
you do on your own is key that. as
long as you live, viii unlock larger
worlds to you continually.-Selected-
The Hays free press. [volume] (Hays, Kan.) 1908-1924, 1916-12-16

1a1klHS UOSeIner
in the Zoo.
- I'd feel very
Sad, indeed said
the Monkey. If L
were as Stupid
as you, old Hip
por
Thanks for
your kind Sympa-
thy said Mr.. Hip
popotamus, but
1 don't car e
VIII e tn er you
think I'm Stupid
or not. Besides
there is no reason
in the World, Or
The Hays free press. [volume] (Hays, Kan.) 1908-1924, 1916-12-16

A new idea Is to wear ven with 3
single thread run motif 50 placed that
when the ven Is adjusted it forms z
trimming On he front e the haG
The Hays free press. [volume] (Hays, Kan.) 1908-1924, 1916-12-16
Poor Wav ed HeIn.

sFauIthnding is the poorest way i'm
aginable Of helping others to be bet
ter"
The Hays free press. [volume] (Hays, Kan.) 1908-1924, 1916-12-16
Preserving a Sense of Security.

do you think the electoral college
should be abOliSheds"
NO. replied Senator Sorghum !:
''now and then a few men should be
permitted to take part in an election
with no fear of heekling and with alb
sOIute confidence in the result"