The Punta Gorda herald. [volume] (Punta Gorda, Fla.) 1893-1958, 1916-06-01

for twenty-seven years in the Office
secretary of state. During this .ime nd
rian p. Jordan has been teaching c3m
try schools and editing newspaps.
boosting Florida. Which do you tn,.
should have the office2
CLEVER NEWsPAPERMAN TALKS
I tainted nearly dead away
When l learned that a decent speech
Had been made by a newspaper man
Monday evenings yes, | did;
And. really, l didn't think
That Punta Gorda Jordan
Had so much life in him!
Evidently it would be good thing
If more newspapermen
Would run for office
For it would make 'em as bright
As an old kettle
Polished with Snapolio.
/ couldn't quote him as
Being like that stuff
Which Hasn't scratched yet
For that measley old cuss
Kept scratching all the time
And every time he scratched
He dug up worm
Over which the audience
Would actually gloat.
Some time since--and before
| Rr'er Jordan was a p. F.. l.,
That doesn't mean
| Pretty Fair Individual
But merely Pure Food Inspector
He smelled of stuff so much
That finally his olfactory organ
Bulged out like chicks crop
After a full meal;
Then he began to taste o. things
And, take it from me,
|. That his faster began to feel
Like the bottom of vinegar cask:
Sponge cake commenced to take on
The makeup of a slice of tripe,
And Boston beans were
Often mistaken for cuticura salve;
Hence, therefore, and thereupon
He quit tn job
Just barely beating his salary
Which quit at about tn same same.
Retiring then to his
Sanctum sanctorum. or holy of HOLES.
He began to mediate
And draw plans upon the beayer-board
win which the cage was lined
To see what he could do to
Once again to start upon
Another hilarious round of rifle
Then a great light dawned-
1t was daybreak;
But. of course. the day
wasn't the only thing that was broke.
Nothing personal in this
I'm in tn same business.
And from that time on
He has been very annoying to
The solitary contestant for the lob
FOR secretary of the state of Florida.
And. as started to say,
Adrian, who is firm believer
In face-grown natal grass
And practices what he breaches
he made talk in Flagler Park
That was better than any set speech
He could have had his son write for hin
He spelled just about as
l write this stuff;
When ne started to talk
He didn't know what he was
About to say
And, b'gosh, he said it
Just like that-like that.
1t is rumored that he made
Some of the other speakers
Look like half-dolIar
After I've borrowed it and bought
-Four packages of nickle cigaroots.
Yassum
| If Adrian Pure Jordan
Was er runnin' FIR president
OF the old maids union
| He'd get a solid vote right here
| With complimentary vote
From all buxom grass widders-
so all the g..-w. contingent
Emphatically and assiduously assert
Why, in Adrian's conversations
He would bite into the
Apple of oratory with the intensity
OF hungry kitten getting another meal
stop long enough to spit out TIL seeds
And then chew the core;
II there was a worm in it
Adrian never made face
He'd been pure food inspector
And pure" and Door
Looked very much alike to him.
And when he finished his monolog
And the people called him out
Once more, he was plumb scairt
Half to death;
Said he was afraid folks wanted
To throw something at him!
Yassir.
fo' see he's been Twin for some time
Al Punta Gorda-where it's that quiet
That if mother happens to
Drop tn dishpan Sunday morning
When she sprinkles the flowers
The noise startles all the neighbors
And the folks wonder
What mans abusin his wife again.
That is one reason why the folks
Talk of sending him to Tallahassee
Not that it's any more lively
But Adrian will have more vacant lots
Over which he can browse
Although l understand they are
Going to build another house there
Before the next legislature meets
Unless lumber goes up another dollar.
Adrian p. Jordan used to be
About as communicative as
Graphophone with broken needle
While now he can initiate mighty well
woman talking over the phone
About something very private
And she mustn't tell a soul"
And she don't; oh, no--not her.
Well, as l started to say,
Jordan seemed to Punt about
Everything out of his way
Monday evening