davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
New-York tribune., 1916-01-02


chain of artificial ice factories because on
the day he received the goods in Noven-
Der the thermometer goes down to zero on
k;r, and stays that way till week after
his next spring millinery opening. Can
YOU blame such feller that he settles
with his creditors thirty cents on the
dollar?"
Listen, Zapp." Birsky said, "a thirty
cent-on-the-do feller could always pin
his bust-up on either warm Christmas,
cold Easter or an invalid wife, whereas
the figures show that the average OF real
cold Christmases amt no more than the
average of real sick wives
Sure know. Birsky, but figuring out
the average is what has done the most
harm to poker, pinochle, the Fourth OF
July, Christmas and all them things that
former time people enjoyed running
chances on. Take, for instance, the
Fourth of July, and lot of people which
consider even safety matches gefd'tlei,
goes to work and figures that out OF
every million people that shoots of fire
crackers. one and seven hundred and fifty
two one thousandths people get burned,
so they put the fireworks manufacturers
out of business, and now instead of set
ting off fireworks people goes to the
shore or trolley parks on the Forth;
and as soon as it gets figured out
that of every million people that goes to
trolley parks and Coney Island, six and
ninety-seven three-thousandths gets Ma
qensaure from eating frankfurters and run
over by trolley cars on the Fourth of July.
all the frankfurter factories and trolley
companies 60 quick mechallah"
litter, what's that got to do with
Christmas?' Birsky asked
I'm coming to that" Zapp said. "Peo-
pie are commencing to figure averages on
Christmas also. Take Miss J. P. Nor
gan, and she figures that out of every mill
ion Christmas presents displayed in stores
a certain percentage Of people buys some
thing which they couldn't afford and gives
it to certain percentage of people which
amt got no use for it at all. SO she goes
to work and gets up Society for the Pre-
vention Of Useless Giving, and conse
quently certain percentage Of drygoods
stores loses certain percentage of Gus
toners which formerly had rotten bank
account and good disposition, and has
now got good bank account and rotten
disposition
But Miss Morgan done this for a lot Of
New-York tribune., 1916-01-02


your Christmas shopping early"
Who did invent it?" Zapp asked.
Il should know who invented it" Biz
sky exclaimed But whoever he was,
Zapp, he put bigger crimp in the cheap
handkerchief business than the feller who
invented rhintis tablets, because if you
are doing your Christmas shopping arount
the first Of October when all them poor
fellers that runs summer hotels and bath
ing pavilions is saying to themselves
Now it gets warm Zapp, handkerchefs
for colds are the furthest from your
thoughts Also children whose mothers
do their Christmas shopping in September
is apt to get school supplies instead of
sleighs, because a shopper amt got no
imagination, Zapp She buys what's in
season, and if she was doing her Christ
mas shopping as early as the Fourth OF
July, understand, she would come home
with fireworks"
Say" Zapp said, Tipping the fingers of
his right hand at Birsky, "storekeepers
amt allowed to sell no more fireworks
around the Fourth of July. It's against
the law"
II know it, Birsky continued, and if
people couldn't shoot off hrecrackcrs
around the Fourth of July and couldn't
shop around Christmas, all it needs is that
it should be a suspended sentence for cat
ing turkey on Thanksgiving, and the only
pleasure we got left in America is dec
Grating graves on the thirtieth of May"
Still, in way, it's good thing that
Christmas is more or less d thing of the
past" Zapp said, because when you tried
to collect bill from somebody around
Christmas time, it didn't make no differ
cnce if he was retired from business ex-
cept for 10 per cent interest in bathing
suit factory, he would want you to wait
till his Christmas rush was over Also
people didn't give no orders because it
was around Christmas, Brsky, and just
because it was near Christmas and they
claimed they could use all the money they
could get, your creditors wanted you to
pay bills which you hardly knew you
owed on account OF not receiving the sec
ond monthly statement yet. Furthermore
if you owned tenement house, you'd got
difficulty collecting the November rent
because the tenants said it was so near
Christmas, and that's the way it went
Birsky People treated Christmas not as
a holiday, but as an excuse. The wonder
is 1t amt died out altogether"
New-York tribune., 1916-01-02

He can sink like a
stone in two days
rain during the
week before Christ
mas"
Don't | know
it," Zapp said. IF
the Christmas pres
ents that the whole
salers give by mis-
take to shaky retail
drygoods men was
put on trees the
way other Christ
mas presents are,
they would cover
all the redwood
groves in Califor-
mia. But it amt
the retailers fault,
Birsky. Sometimes
the feller is playing
in hard luck like a
merchant Ii Ike /
used to sell goods
TO BY the name
New-York tribune., 1916-01-02

The wholesaler
wouldn't miss it if
it did," Birsky COM
mented. Believe
me, Zapp, for every
child that lays
awake the night be
fore & hri S t m a s
thinking what his
parents are going to
hand him the next
morning, there is
fifty manufacturers
counting S h e p
ju m ping over
fences. trying not
70 think what some
of their customers
in the retail dry
goods trade is 60
ing to hand them
after the second OF
January. 1t don't
require much water
TO drown a shsky
drygoods retailer.
New-York tribune., 1916-01-02

Felix Immerglick
out in Cincinnati,
which a couple of
years ago last Christ
mas he specialized
on sleighs, skates
and cheap furs, and
from December IS
on they got such a
warm spell in Gin
cinnati that the hotel
k eepers figured
should t ey or
should they not open
the roof gardens
again. So the fol-
lowing year Inner
CLICK cut out the
sleighs and skates
and laid in bicycles,
children's books and
a very attractive line
of umbrellas, and
Immerglick says that
it's a wonder with
his luck he didn't
also buy stock in a
New-York tribune., 1916-01-02
"And Who Done IT.? The
Feller That hUented the
Saying: DO Your Shop
ping Early"

put EN- in red paper
boxes, y'understand,
and your customers
practically Il S e d
blackjacks on each
other to get at the
counter where the
goods was displayed.
Christmas silver arti-
cies was also good
sales. | seen butter
dishes go like hot
cakes. w h c h the
5 a c S | a dies S was
warned not to dust
them off nit feathers
even, on account it
might scratch the
silver plate and show
the brass under
meath. But that's A
thing Of the past
now. And who done
it, Zapp? 1t was the
feller that invented
the S aying DO
New-York tribune., 1916-01-02
By Montague Glass
Illustrations by Briggs.

u~HRISTMAS amt what it used
to be-" Barnett Zapp re
marked as he sat opposite
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1916-02-09
Height Of Meteors.

Meteors. or shooting stars, are
small solid bodies that fall through
space, become incandescent in the at
mosphere Of the earth, and usually dis
appear in the form Of gas or dust. II
two observers stationed several miles
apart see the same shooting star and
note the point in the sky where it ap-
peared they can construct a hypo-
thetical triangle. the apex of which is
the point of appearance OF the meteor.
and thus obtain the approximate
height Of the shooting star when ii
first became visible. For long period
of years, it appears, German observer
employed this method Of estimating
the height Of shooting stars. from
careful observations of no less than
102 meteors he found that the mean
height at which shooting stars first be.
come visible is 81 miles. The mean
height of the point at which they dis.
appear is about SO miles, and the av-
erage length of their visible path AZ
miles.
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1916-02-09
sions Of Paratyphoid.

Paratyphoid has recently come to
the trent as disease. Among the al
lied troops in France there have been
more than 1900 cases. with case
mortality of is per cent. The Lon
don Lancet says it is not always pos
sible to distinguish it from typhoid,
but IN general it is a milder disease
with shorter duration and often ap-
pears as a sudden onset with shiver-
ing. abdominal pain and aching limbs,
without abdominal distension and
when there is an eruption this is of
large and palpable spots. Abnormally
slow heart action is characteristic.
The mosquito is suspected as the
means OF transmission from patient to
patient, but this is still in doubt.
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1916-02-09
ANXIOUS ABOUT HIS HEALTH
Guest at ST. Louis Hotel, Not Satisfied,
Made a Somewhat Humorous
Request.

Fred Thompson, night clerk at the
Laclede hotel, St. Louis, is asking his
friends 10 believe this one:
About eight o'clock the other
night" Thompson says, "a tall, rangy
ruralite entered the lobby of the hotel
and approached the desk. After had
fixed him up with room he asked me
for him | told him / would be glad
to put it in the safe. He fished down
in his trousers pocket and produced
50 bill
Just put that away he said, I am
going out for little while and | don't
want to take any chances with these
city slickers.'
Il kept my face straight and assured
him it would be safe on his return. He
started to leave and then turned
around and asked me how late we
kept open.
"Oh, I'll be here when you get
back told him.
well, | don't know he replied. I
calculate I'll be pretty late Most ten
o'clock, likely A
81 assured him would be on deck,
but he did net seem satisfied. After
pondering few moments he asked:
"'Could | see Mr. Laclede?'
THAT had me going for few min
utes, but when / recovered told him
Mir. Laelede had gone to bed"
Pierre Laclede, the founder of st.
Louis. for whom the hotel was named,
died in ITS.
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1916-02-09
Iap statesman Of PromInenee.

Governor Hattori of Hyogo prefec-
ture, who was among those awarded
honors at the coronation of the en-
peror of Japan, has held his post since
1900, unique distinction among his
gubernatorial confreres. The happy
relations which he enjoys with all off
cial and private classes in Hyogo pre-
lecture have caused him to repeatedly
decline offers of promotion, by which
he might have held seat in the cabi-
net and exercised diplomatic abilities
il higher and more stormy spheres.
He was born in 1851 and is graduate
OF an American college, Rutgers, from
which he received the degree in the
'70s OF bachelor of commerce. He
was nominated a member Of the house
of peers in 1908.
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1916-02-09
Has Used chamberIaln's Cough
Remedy for 20 Years.

"Chamberlains Cough Remedy has
been used in my household for the
past twenty years. began giving it
tc my children when they were small.
As a quick relief for Group, whooping
cough, and ordinary colds, it has no
equal. Being free from opium and
other harmful drugs, l never felt
afraid to give it TO the children. /
have recommended it to large num-
Der of friends and neighbors, who
have used it and speak highly of it,
writes Mrs. Mary Minke, Shortsville,
n. Y. Obtained everywhere.-Adv.
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1916-02-09

10 acres Washita bottom " miles
from city limits, 10 acres very choice
land, suitable for gardening; price
$1,l00.
10 acres well improved, ! mile
from city limits. 5 acres branch bot
tom, fenced and cross-fenced with
log wire; price $1,000.
100 acres miles from Chickasha,
90 acres bottom, balance good upland;
price $3.50.
$50 acres stock farm, improvments
worth $4,000; 100 acres bottom.
fenced hog tight; 20 acres alfalfa;
price $500, $500 cash, balance
terms.
GAO acres, we'll located, $4,000 worth
OF improvements, 250 acres bottom, 40
acres alfalfa, fenced and cross-fenced
with hog wire; price only $40 per acre
CITY PRoPERT1
Good groom house with block of
ground, well located On West Hill, 25e
barrel cistern, good storm cave and
well; price only 5000, $3.50 cash, bal
ance easy terms.
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1916-02-09
BARGAINS I'M LANDS

Modern 7-room house on car line,
choice location on South Hill, l block
from pavement, near high school;
price sl,25O, s10O cash. SIS per month.
Groom frame house, near pavement
and ward school building, lot 75x163
it,; must sell at once at sacrifice
for only $500.
3 good houses on lot 50xl65 it,, 2
blocks from Bank corner; will sell at
once at a sacrifice; price only ST.
GOO.
We can sell you any kind of house
from 2 to 10 rooms, any location you
want, for cash or on easy terms. VIII
be glad to show you any hour in the
day.
We have seevraI good residences to
exchange for land.
FAR MLOANS.
If you want to make a farm loan or
renew the one you have, give us a
chance to figure with you. We repre-
sent some of the best farm loan COM
panies doing business in Oklahoma
and arc prepared to give the best OF
service.
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1916-02-09
"SWAT RABBIT" NEW SLOGAN
They're vermin, Not Game, English
Timber Owners Are Now Be-
ing Told.

To encourage the growing of more
timber in England by organizing all
resources of labor, a committee has
been appointed by the government un.
der the chairmanship of Francis Ac.
land, the London Chronicle states.
Lord Selborne, minister for agricul
ture, drew attention to this step at an
exhibition of English timber organ.
lied by the English Forestry associa
tion at the Surveyors institution,
Westchester.
He said that the committee was ap'
pealing to land owners and land
agents to let them see their woods
and make proposals for the purchase
of timber. The committee appealed
to the owners to give what help they
possibly could in the telling, conyer-
sion and hauling of the timber
II an English landowner would con.
slider that rabbits are not game but
vermin, as they certainly are, and 60
in for the cultivation of timber, it
would be to his great benefit, the com.
mittee said.
The war has created big demand
for timber, boards and scantling, espe.
cially the kind used in the erection of
huts. During the last twelve months
more pit wood has found its way to
the English coal field than has been
the case for the last twenty years.
Some of the men present said that
while they would do all that was pos
sible to give aid to the government in
this direction, they were disinclined
to feather the nests of the timber deal
ers.
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1916-02-09
Much Beef Goes to Waste.

Although various estimates place
the number of cattle in Paraguay all
the way from one TO four million head,
the cattle industry, with untold possi-
bilities. is scarcely out of the stage
when the animals are slaughtered for
their hides alone. While all the world
is clamoring for meat cattle in Para
quay sell for but little more than what
their skins will bring.
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1916-02-09
Chickasha Gas and
Electric Company
comfortInu Topsy.

My four-year-old brother is fond Of
Topsy. the horse, and is always al
hand when she is put in the barn.
Lately he saw the hired man slap her
lightly with small fiat board and
told mother of it. He declared it hurt
Topsy. and when mother asked him
what he said to the man for slapping
the horse. he replied q didn't say
anything. but l winked at Topsy"-
Exchange.
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1916-02-09
inexperienced.

I'VE are getting up symposium
on the subject Is Marriage a Fail
ure?'" we remarked to the celebrated
actress whom We had been sent to in
terview, "and we would like to hear
your views on the matter"
Dear mel" she exclaimed. How
can you expect me to throw any light
ON such 4 question: Why, ] have
been married only five or nix tines"
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1916-02-09
Wanted THINGS Cleared Up.

Colored pastor (dismissing eongre'
gation) DE neInbahs what am per
vided wild umbrellas will please wait
until take 2 look at 'em. Since de
mysterious disappearance of nay own
umbrella last Sunday dar am a cloud
oh suspicion floating ober dis yer
church which has got TO be dispeiled. ;
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1916-02-09
WHY shafts Are HOLLOW.

BY careful experiments it has heen
proved that solid column subject to
bending strains is no stronger than a
hollow one. Consequently all iron
shafts which drive the screws OF
steamships have hole bored down
the center so that weight may be re
duced.
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1916-02-09
Prosperity Of Peace.

Give me the money that has been
spent in war, and l will clothe every
man, woman and child in. an attire Of
which kings and queens would be
proud. / win build a schoolhouse in
every valley over the whole earth. J
will crown every hillside with place
OF worship consecrated to the gospel
of poace.-Charles Sumner.
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1916-02-09

Classified advertisements, such as
Wanted "sFor Rent" For Sale,
etc. win positively not be received foI
the Express BY phone. They must be
brought to the office. Please do not
phone them. IL is embarrassing to us
to refuse 10 receive them. list
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1916-02-09
Do You rmu raul. with Everybody

An irritable, fauIt-finding disposi-
ton is often due 70 disordered stom-
aoh. A man with good digestion is
nearly always good natured A great
many have been permanently benefit
ted by Chamberlain's Tablets after
years Of suffering. These tablets
strengthen the stomach and enable it
tc perform its functions naturally.
Obtainable everywhere.-Adv.
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1916-02-09

FOR sALE-2O0 coming s-year-old
steers and 100 coming 2's, all good,
straight stuff No Jerseys or eastern
cattle; can be dipped above the line
here. r. L. Nichols, Pauls Valley,
Okla. 2-4-6t
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1916-02-09

FOR SALEs-CaLe hay. fifty or
sixty tons; also some alfalfa Two
miles north Of Chickegha r. NJ
Koehlar, route 3. 2-7.6t
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1916-02-09
GRADY COUNTY EXPRESS.
25c A Year.

This great offer is made for
, an indefinite period. We will
send the GRADY COUNTY
EXPRESS for one full year, to
; subscribers in Grady county
oaly, on receipt of only 25
; cents. THINK OF 1T, the Off
cial county paper, rock-ribbed
Democratic, with all the local,
political and official news
every week for 25 cents year.
, Subscribe nowl Remit in coin
, to-
, GRADY COUNTY EXPRESS.
, chickasha, Okla.
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1916-02-09
WANTS.
FOR SALE

FOR SALE-Full set OF Blacksmith
tools; what every farmer needs. A.
9. Walter, Alex, Okla 2-3-6td 2tw
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1916-02-09
WANTED

WANTED-Bo to sell Oklahoma
Times in afternoons and Daily Okls-
homan in morning. Good money u
S. Bagley. 2-7-3t
The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1916-02-09
MISCELLANEOUS

FOR EXCHANGE ~ Team small
mules for work horse. Phone 1924
2-7.3t
The Detroit times., 1916-05-17
OXYGENERATOR
STOPS CARBON
FROM GATHERING

A unique and simple apparatus
has been evolved by {. 3. Olson,
Fort Dearborn building, Chicago. for
the prevention of carbon In motor
cylinders. II is the Oxygenerator,
consisting OF a small aluminium con-
tainer designed 10 At the exhaust
manifold, and sman copper coil.
This container filled with water soon
produces live steam due TO heat OF
the manifold. passed through the
coil the steam is superheated TO
i.200 degrees and injected into the
passing gas charge, increasing the
temperature OF the gas TO such a
high degree that all gas particles
are vaporized and perfect combus-
ton takes place. instantly changing
all carbon particles into carbon d.
oxide gas. The device is filed with
A small amount OF water about every
200 miles and no changes or adjust.
ments in the carburetor are neces.
sary
II Is small installation designed
for most all OF the leading car
makes and models and practically
speaking IL abolishes the carbon
bugaboo for the motorist
The Detroit times., 1916-05-17
Grey Not Aiding
Peace, Says Berlin
BY UNIrEp PRESS.

BERLIN Via Wireless to Say
vile. l.. ~, May 1.-THE cause OF
peace has not been advanced by Sir
Edward Grey's recent utterances
through newspapers. the Berlin
press agreed today. The German
papers pointed out. however. that
the British foreign minister appar.
emily has abandoned such phases as
Germany must be crushed.
Replying TO Grey's statements re-
gariing Belgium. the Berlin press
declares that Germany wants only
guarantees that Belgium will be real
ly neutral and independent after
the war. rhe newspapers pointed TO
Chancellor Won Bethmann -Hollweg's
recent reichstag statement that Ger
many will not permit reconstruction
OF Belgium as a bulwark directed
against Germany by the Allies.
The Detroit times., 1916-05-17

ran cars. Three armories will be
converted into dormitories. tents
will be erected in Grant park. and
ambitious chaufeurs are announcing
they will park their cars near the
lake and take in dodgers for open.air
maps.
Some convention visitors have
rented homes for the week; man
sions on Lake Shore drive are rent
ing for 800 to $3.50 day. John
Wanamaker has rented 14-room
house; Senator Lodge has also TAX.
en- gray stone pile"
Two big excursion boats---the Ala.
bama and the Arizona-will be an
chored az convenient docks ready
to shelter hundreds OF visitors.
The city is arranging an elaborate
program OF aquatic sports and auto
mobile races; the theaters will have
special bills society will give par.
The Detroit times., 1916-05-17
$1,000 BLAZE
ATLEAD WORKS
Firemen Battle Flames and
Save 10000 Gallons of
Turpentine

A hre OF undetermined origin In
the varEish department of the De-
troit White Lead works M Milwau-
kee-ave and Widman-pl.. at noon,
Wednesday, caused $1,000 damage
before fremen could get il under
control For more than a half-hour
the Are lighters battled against the
names which were spreading in the
direction OF room where 10000
gallons OF turpentine were stored
and finally won.
The paint department is in ole-
story brick building. The heat was
intense and several fremen were
carried ont on the verge OF being
overcome.
The Detroit times., 1916-05-17

June Z. when the Republican ma
tional convention. the Progressive
national convention. the Woman's
party and the Illinois Equal Suffrage
parade meet here simultaneously
and attract 10 the city at least 200.-
900 people.
The biggest crowd Chicago has
harbored since worlds fair days,
when half the world seemed to be
surging through the Midway, will be
here.
The Republican national commit.
zee expects from 10000 TO 100000;
the Progressive will seat 500 dele
gates. 500 alternates, and thousands
of visitors; the new Woman's party
will call 10000. and the Illinois
Equal Suffrage association parade
10000
Chicago's 900 hotels and board
ing houses. normally, will accommo-
date $4,000 people. For convention
week cots will be placed in gilded
bathrooms and state Elizabethan