New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1916-03-19

up IN improved property or vacant lots.
They are used to that from woman
suffrage times yet" Zapp said. And,
besides. the English War Office statistics
shows that. so far, ten times more people
got hit by motor buses last year as by
Zeppeins."
Sure, know" Birsky saio; but while
the English War Office is making stats
tics, understand. the German War Of
flee is making Zeppelins. and maybe by
next year the Germans would got SO
many more Zeppelins as the English got
statistics that living in England will be
something which you could really call
dangerous, Zapp."
"Yor dangerous" Zapp retorted
Them Zeppelin fellers that throw the
bombs amt aiming at nothing but ammu
milton factories"
Maybe they amt, Zapp," Birsky
agreed "but according to the description
of ammunition factories given to them
Zeppelin fcllers by their bosses, the way
to tell an English ammunition factory is
that every English ammunition factory IS
a building two stories high. and has
small front yard with baby carriage in
it, back yard with clothes hanging out
to dry, and there is a regular English
ammunition factory smell of fried onions
and ham and eggs coming from it. In
other words, Zapp, to the German War
Office an English ammunition factory
looks just like an American dwelling
house where a Teller which makes from
thirty dollars a week down would be liv-
ing with his wife and family, Zapp."
Then all such Teller has got to do,
Birsky," Zapp said, when word comes
that the Zeppelins are arriving, is to take
the baby out of the carriage in the front
yard and leave the clothes hanging in the
back yard. Then he should go with his
wife and children to the nearest ammuni-
ton factory which looks like an ammuni-
ton factory such as they got it in Pitts
burgh-hve stories high, NIT smokestacks
and freight cars around it-and him and
his family would be perfectly safe
".lbcr there is also the big cannons
which the French and the Germans got,
Birskv continued IF you fired one OF
them things in Albany, Zapp, it would mt
Kingston. Poughkeepsic. Yonkers, l25th
Street and the Grand Central Station like
it would be laid out in time table al
ready; and if Teller moves to Tarrytown
for safety. understand, some Sunday
when him and his family is sitting down
to dinner a ton OF shrapnel comes
through the kitchen ceiling and complete
" spoils the Vorspei, the roast chicken
and the cook; and when the feller's atten-
ton is called to it, he could only say
NV mistake because there it stands IN
the time table, black on white larry
town: Sundays only.
We'll, say Zapp exclaimed. IF a
business man is living in one OF them
countries like England or France, ne got
to take such risks along with the advan-
tages.'
advantages Birsky repeated. Whit
for advantages Such advantages Rus
sian Grand Dukes used to got IN the old
DAYS when the Nihiists was laying 10 let
off blasts on EN- every ten minutes. Ad
vantages saqf cr! A rear end brakeman
on the New Haven Railroad has got also
the same advantages. Evidenccly you
think it's pleasure to French business
man he should get rcrplat-t, Zapp.'
"A pleasure l don't say 1t is. Birsky'
Zapp said. In fact, it must even be d
big disappointment to him, considering
that ever since the war begun French
business man amt had TO pay no rent;
and if some one writes him his account is
overdue and in case they don't hear from
him bv the tenth inst. would positively
place the matter in the hands OF their
LAWYERS. understand, instead of tele-
phoning them ten times a week that the
bow is on his way over there with the
check now. understand me, all he's got 10
do is 20 pull this here mortuarium on
them and they dasscnt do nothing"
Al. .,.--t ,,,