Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1916-09-15
GMOlRDS Nd"
ID I s c O r ID s

CHICAGO detectives assigned TO in
vestigate conditions in the loop dis
trict report that it is the women, and
not the men. who do most OF the fiirt-
ing. Those VINO know Chicago after
sun down will regard this as mary
elous discovery.
1T is announced that Caruso will re-
ceive 100000 for warbling at 80 per
fOrmances in Buenos Aires. Mexican
| kale, perhaps.
WHAT has become of the old fash
Toned girl that believed an admireT
when he told her that she was the only
girl he ever told that he loved her!
THE European war has reached the
stage where all the participating ma
tions are ashamed Of themselves The
bravadO and buster have vanished.
They are all ready and willing to quit,
but can't figure way Of doing It. On
this side Of the water war news has
become a drug on the market. The
average newspaper reader is more in
| terested in the prospects Of the foot
ball teams than he is in the movements
of the belligerent armies. Ii you don't
believe it ask the first dozen men Of
your acquaintance their opinions re-
garding the war outlook and the grid
iron season.
MORE joy for the telegraph editors.
NJ DimitracopulOs has been proposed
for premier of Greece.
CHICAGO is making bid for the
proposed new government armOr plate
plant. One would imagine that Chicago
already had enough pork.
PROMINENT suffragist committed
suicide i'm New York the other day.
Here is fresh subject for Mr.. Hughes
to use in attacking President Wilson.
IF The president had come out in favor
of a federal amendment for suffrage
the woman would have continued to
( live on.
FRENCHNTAN has invented non
sinkable mattress In time, doubtless,
every souse artist will have one in his
home Now if some one will invent a
device TO prevent beds revolving it
would make "A great running mate for
the Frenchmans mattress.
THE quickest way to learn who the
preVaTiCatOrs OF your community are
is 10 run for nomination for public
office II You don't take any stock in
this assertion YOU are respectfully re-
quPStcd 10 ask one of the candidates
before the recent primary how he hap
pCncd To he beaten by the other fellow.
Bright Sayings OF Children.
Ethelbert, aged 6, was sitting on
fathers knee while the latter was
3 IL. l.
plating his future greatness And to
think, sonny, some day you may be
president of these United States" said
'Aw tie him outside, pop" said Eth
just like that GWENDOLYN.
If Mr.. Morrison, the eccentric
millionaire, isn't off his trolley
now, as some OF his relatives alIege. he
is bound to be by the time the lawyers
get through with him in the court of
Judge Lands. If Morrison had hap
pened to be pauper he would be per-
fectly normal mentally and otherwise
81 SEE by my paper that fewer green
cars are running in New York." post
cards Ignatz from Galesburg. Scan it
be that the Irish are losing their hold
in that city!'
HAPPINESS.
You're hiding from me, you artful
young elf
I'll seek till I catch you some day.
III sail DER the seas, and I'll girdle
myself
With weapons to bring you to bay.
Maybe you're frolicking far Ger the
hill,
Or playing behind some big tree;
Perhaps in some city street, standing
quite still,
You're waiting and watching for
me.
At home or abroad. on land or ON