davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The fool-killer., 1916-10-01
October 1916
BRING THEM IN.

Howdy, brethren and sisterln!
How do you all come on this fine
morning? It has been a whole
long month since [ pulled your
latchstring and seraped. my brs-
gans on your doorstep, and [ was
getting awful anxious to see you
again. I am your preacher, you
know, and I'm plum doggon
proud of my congregation. [ am
preaching to fifty thousand OF you
this month. Just think what a
crowd that would be if you were
all together. [ have never seen
your faces, and Of course [ never
will, but we are friends just the
same. l feel a personal interest IN,
every one of you, and | want you
to feel the same way towards me.
I am doing my best to give you
some jirndandy good preaching.
If you like the way [ spoon out
the hot truck, please invite all
your friends to come to our meet
in. Pew rent is only fifteen
cents a year if as many as five will
come in together. We are going
to have a regular revival this win
ter; and the mourner' bench will
be crowded all the time. Every
service will be worth dollar. So
please show this paper to all your
neighbors and friends and invite
them to our Fool-Killer meetin'.
If they try to make excuses, just
grab them by the coat-tail and
bring 'em along anyhow.
The fool-killer., 1916-10-01
A FIRESIDE TALK,

On each Of my monthly visits
to your freside [ always want to
have a little private personal
talk with you before | leave. It
helps us to get better acquainted,
and that naturally makes us
better friends, you know.
l have just been wondering
what sort of a critter you-all
think [ am, anyhow. Guess some
OF you have got me pictured out
as regular circus clown, with a
smile that wraps plum around
my head three times and never
comes off.
Sorry, my friends, but you II
nave to guess again. I am Just
an ordinary poor country clod-
hopper, with no superior talents
or training, and if you saw me
III a crowd You would never pick
me out for funny man." Fact
u.s. L can t understand how the
o'NA SOI SldiIcQ Lnat L
was capable Of being funny. NV
lace wears a sad, tired express
sion and is deeply marked with
suffering.
l was born in log cabin and
gre" up In poverty. Spent nv
oooyhood working on back
woods farm and had no school ad-
Vantages. But | am a graduate
OF the University of Hard Knocks.
and am still taking my post grad
uate course. Have been an ssuu-
der dog all my life, and that's
now | know SO well how to
sympathlze with the under doc T
1eel close kinship with the work
ers OF the world, because I am one
OF them by birth and trainino and
hope | will never become rich
enough to forget how it feels to
ee poor little ragged, bare
! footed boy.
The fool-killer., 1916-10-01

Now, boys, as parting word,
I ask you to show this paper to
all your neighbors and friends
and get them to subscribe. I will
strive to make The Fool-Killer
better and better each month.
In next issue there will be some
juice that will pucker the devil s
mouth to beat sixty,
The fool-killer., 1916-10-01

"The American people, on the
whole, are very happily situated, .
says an exchange. Yes, those
who are "on the whole'' are get
ting along plum snipshus, but the
poor devils who are in the hole .
are having a tuff time Of it.
The fool-killer., 1916-10-01

The big daily papers have be-
gun to copy things from The
Fool-Killer, which indicates that
it is coming to be recognized as
one of the standard funny pa
pers' of the country.
The fool-killer., 1916-10-01

"Washington hopeful starving
people in Mexico will be fed, "
says a headline. Apparently no
body cares whether the starving
people in the Benited States are
fed or not.
The fool-killer., 1916-10-01

Get all your neighbors to hear
me preach for twelve months.
Pew rent only fifteen cents a
year, if they come in five Or more
at a time.
The fool-killer., 1916-10-01

IF The Fool-Killer was just like
other papers, there would be no
use to have a Fool-killer. But it s
different. In all this wilderness
Of printed things, this paper
stands out like a white preacher
at a niger meeting.
The fool-killer., 1916-10-01

Many a Rastus whose voice was
made to drive a team Of muley
bulls with, has got it hemme d up
in one corner of two-story collar
trying to make it preach.
The fool-killer., 1916-10-01

If the plutes of the Benighted
States want somebody to go down
and defend their property inter-
ests in Mexico, why in the gee
whiz don't they go themselves?
The fool-killer., 1916-10-01

If it is right for my government
to tote a big gun and keep itself
in readiness to kill people, why
in the mischief amt it right for
me to do the same thing?
The fool-killer., 1916-10-01

Laugh all you please, but think
some as you go along. The Fool
Killer will make you do both.
The fool-killer., 1916-10-01

When the devil sticks his head
up out of barrel Of money and
says, "Come here Mister Preach
err the poor preacher always
thinks the Lord has ''called' -
him.
The fool-killer., 1916-10-01

An optimist is a fellow who
don t care what in the thunder
happens, just so it don't happen
to him.
The fool-killer., 1916-10-01

[ want to get letter right plum
quick from every person who
reads these lines, and I want each
letter to contain a whopping big
club.
The fool-killer., 1916-10-01

AT the present rate, Woodrow s
low-cost-of living is due to reach
us about the time that old Aunt
Sindy gets to be little girl.
The fool-killer., 1916-10-01

One of the most pitiable sights
in this world is the boy who
makes a calf Of himself, and mis-
takes an old cigarette for a COW.
The fool-killer., 1916-10-01

A New York man named Hoe
is being sued for $225,0O0 for
breach Of promise. Looks like
Hoe just as well dig up.
The fool-killer., 1916-10-01

Tell all your friends about The
Fool-Killer and get them to sub
scribe. Help it to cover the earth.
The fool-killer., 1916-10-01

Even a hungry man can get
plenty of "food for thought"
these days.
The fool-killer., 1916-10-01

Wonder if Christ ever got $780,
900 for holding a revival? Per-
haps Billy Sunday could answer.
The fool-killer., 1916-10-01

Whistling is very cheap grade
Of music, and is composed Of
pucker and wind.
The fool-killer., 1916-10-01

If you want to read some Of the
richest burleque and keenest
satire you ever saw, just keep a
skinned eye ON The Fool-Killer.
The fool-killer., 1916-10-01

A man and wife are considered
one, but they often have big
fuses about which one Of them
it is.
The fool-killer., 1916-10-01

''The Melting Pot would be a
world-beater of paper if it
would only stick a corn-cob in its
infideity bug-hole.
The fool-killer., 1916-10-01
TAKE NOTICE.

Do not send postage stamps on sub
EcriptiOn.
Remittances should be made by
registered letter, express or postohce
money order.
Be careful to write your own name
and address plainly, and direct all
letters and make all orders payable
to:
THE FOOL KILLER,
Rnamer. North Carolina.
The fool-killer., 1916-10-01

"War brings out all there is in
man, says Toothadore Specks-
welt. Such as quits, for instance.
The fool-killer., 1916-10-01

A man never tries to convince
others that he is perfectly sober
unless he is at least half drunk.
The fool-killer., 1916-10-01

It seems that the intelligence of
the average voter is a good deal
below the average.
The fool-killer., 1916-10-01

Entered as second-class matter
March 3, 1916, at the postoftice at
Boomer, N. c., under the act OF
March 3, 1879.
The fool-killer., 1916-10-01

One year to your heart rs cents
In clubs of Five Or More 10 cents
(Canadian rate, Csc. year In clubs)
The fool-killer., 1916-10-01
EDITORIALS.

EDITORIALS.
Even a hungry man can get
plenty of food for thought"
these days.
Tell all your friends about The
and get them to sub
scribe. Help it to cover the earth.
"War brings out all there is in
a man. says Toothadore Specks-
welt. Such as CUTS, for instance.
Whistling is a very cheap grade
Of music, and is composed Of
pucker and wind.
Laugh all you please, but think
some as you go along. The Fool
Killer will make you do both.
Wonder if Christ ever got $780,
900 for holding a revival? Per-
haps Billy Sunday could answer.
A man and wife are considered
one, but they often have big
fuses about which one Of them
it is.
A man never tries to convince
others that he is perfectly sober
unless he is at least half drunk.
1t seems that the intelligence Of
the average voter is a good deal
below the average.
An optimist is a fellow who
don't care what in the thunder
happens, just so it don't happen
to him.
One of the most pitiable sights
in this world is the boy who
makes a calf of himself, and mis-
takes an old cigarette for a COW.
If you want to read some of the
richest burleque and keenest
satire you ever saw, just keep
skinned eye ON The Fool-Killer.
''The Melting Pot' would be a
world-beater of paper if it
would only stick a corn-cob in its
infdeity bug-hole.
A New York man named Hoe
is being sued for $225,000 for
breach Of promise. Looks like
Hoe just as well dig up.
At the present rate, Woodrow s
low-cost-of living is due to reach
us about the time that old Aunt
Sindy gets to be little girl.
want to get letter right plum
quick from every person who
reads these lines, and want eacl
letter to contain whopping big
club.
If it is right for my government
to tote a big gun and keep itsel
in readiness to kill people, VIII,
in the mischief amt it right fo:
me to do the same thing?
If the plutes of the Benightet
| States want somebody to go dow
Martinsburg herald. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1881-1920, 1916-06-17
TRUSTEES SAL
OF
VALUABLE REAL ESTATE

BY virtue of the authority vested
in the undersigned Trustee by a Ger.
tain Deed-of-Trust made by J. A Fris-
toe and wife, dated the Gath day of
December, 1912, and of record in the
Office of the Clerk of the County
Court of Berkeley County, West Vir-
ginia in Deed-of-Trust Book No. g.
Page o. he will offer for sale at pub
lie auction, at the front door of the
Court House in Martinsburg, West
Virginia, on
SATURDAY, JUNE the E4th 1916 :.
commencing at 100 o'clock p. M fol-
lowing described real estate, situate
in Martinsburg, Berkeley County,
West Virginia.
A certain lot of ground beginning
at a stake in the west line of Center
street, corner to Kinsey Creque and
running northwardly along the line
of said Center Street 40 feet to cor
ner of Fannie E. Wharton on said
street; thence westerly along said
Wharton's line to a stone fence adj
Martinsburg herald. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1881-1920, 1916-06-17
HON. GEO. RYNEAL
Continued from page one.)


II it. scaling ladders, #. life net,
l 40 gallon chemical tank with 200
feet chemical hose, 3-gallon fire ex-
tinguishers, 2 Pyrene fire extinguish-
ers, 1000 feet 1-3 inch fire hose, 4
sht-off nozzles, / hose clamp, l leak
stop, emergency coupling, life rope,
100 feet long; 2 life belts, ladder
straps, / plaster fork, l puli-down
hook, axes, / crowbar, l three-way
Eastman deluge set, 1 electric hand
searchlight, l emergency case, II pair
rubber boots, u leather helmets,
rubber coats, 6 water proof coats, l
14-inch hand operated gong, and all
necessary rope and wrenches.
The fire department has been doing
wonderful work in the way of fire pre-
vention, and I think there should be
several ordinances passed by the city
council to help the f1remen in this
line of work. There should be an
ordinance compelling all property
owners to have the chimneys on their
buildings cleaned each year as the So
called defective and dirty chimneys
have been the cause of big per cent
of our fire loss.
During the past few years the fire
loss in Martinsburg has been decreas-
ing each year and during the year
1915 the loss was the lowest of any
city in the state The loss for the
present year up to June 1st, is about
$4,000, which is less than it was on
June 1, 1915. This should certainly
cause the citizens of Martinsburg to
feel proud of our fire department.
A. D. Darby. treasurer of the COM
pany, responded in a happy vein, tell
ing some splendid anecdotes. but get
ting down to the serious side he said
that while men would hurry to save
mans home from fire sometimes
they entered it and brought ruin. He
asked all members of the company to
think about a mans character and
his home, and not cast any reflections
upon either
Mayor Letter spoke of the propos-
ed bond issue. He said that the city
officials were working to lay this mat
ter before the people, and should a
favorable vote be recorded the vari.
Gus fire companies would receive. per-
haps, $4,000, as the time had come
when they could no longer depend up
On the peoples generosity. He ask
ed everys fireman to interest himself
in the undertaking and help bring
the fire department up to a higher
state of efficiency.
The Rev. DR.. Trump was the last
speaker and referring to Mr.. Ryneal
said he was Martinsburg's greatest
benefactor; that he never sought no.
toriety, did not want his right hand
TO know what his left did: that he
was not only generous to the fire de-
rartment, but to the churches and ev-
cry good cause in the city. He said
he had known him since 1880, while a
resident of Washington. and knew
Of his life there. He praised him for
his philanthropic work. saying the
good he had done could not be esti.
Martinsburg herald. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1881-1920, 1916-06-17

W 6 2 9 16 %.
Martinsburg herald. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1881-1920, 1916-06-17

joining the line of Christian Wagan-
asst; thence southerly with said Wag-
anast's line 40 feet corner to Kinsey
Creque and Waganast; thence east
erly along Creque line to a place of
beginning, being the same real es-
tate which was conveyed to the said
J A. Fristoe, by deed from Charles
E Williams. dated the oath day of
December, 1912, and recorded in the
Office of the Clerk of the County
Court of Berkeley County, West Viz
GINA in Deed Book No. 128 Page 381.
The allowed described property is
improved by a splendid dwelling
house with all necessary out buildings
TERMS OF SALE
One-third of the purchase money
cash in hand on day of sale, the resi-
due in two equal payments of six
and twelve months; the deferred pay
ments to be evidenced by the promi-
sorry, negotiable notes of the purchas-
er bearing interest from date, and
secured by a deed-of-trust on the
property sold.
ALLEN B. NOLL
Trustee.
w 16 %
Martinsburg herald. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1881-1920, 1916-06-17
VEST V|RGlNAFARN ERS WARNED, !
~ AGAINST FAKE DAIRY PROMOTERS

etTbdr& has icomes iifaer tile sobsHhf7a-
ton Of the Agricultural Extension De-
haFtment Of 1.-The Hsst&Eirginias Uni
Eersity,a the fact tpat Eyeaaeiys psT:
rsetsT4 haze beenlgopefstibg I'M sew
eraT sections of the state. 'Creamer-
les ARE good instruments, for the de-
ysl6bme1it of any Agricultural { otnTn97
Mfy where there are enough cows
tb support such an enterprise, bur
IA go into, a section where there is
practically no interest along dairy
lines, 9rganize stock company, and
oben IA Creamery. IS hazardous lin the
extreme. The history of several
sschs cases is that a man viii enter
al prosperous community, claiming to
BIZ a practical dairyman, afiliates
himself with twas or three of the
most influential and prosperous farm
ers and shows them the advantages
that a creamery affords. These men
will then go with him to see some
of the neighbors, aud interest is ag-
itated to such an extent that before
the hard working farmers realize
what they are doing they have signed
th6lf names TO contract which will
mud Them Iuf one 81 CWO sitales vi
tuck al blOV each The creamery
VIII Opoh with no, Cream routes es-
iaDHaH6u ana not d sufficient number
OI CoH5 10 supply oAl cream lequiied.
- III IL pla4t vii ohlt down
alter operating lfoH iiAty ia. 10
SIX months and Tic tanner has his
uoAcy io-aeu lp - some Alus has
Wi ~, ToaiizC twcrt5 i've eontr on
lE loilsr. TO ever, ills Is not
TIA elst ii il. 4nE prOspg 5,5 aat
Lhe soetI.n ni5nt ia hed 81 bocom-
III 1is. eeti5a haze beeA Ia 5 =
"a. asdiI. b. lota .Aa ed. fct
TN cI ,aaae.y machinery. IS EoD
t -t5t
Martinsburg herald. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1881-1920, 1916-06-17
COMMISSIONERS NOTICE

COMMISSIONERS NOTICE
Luttrell Bros
vs.. In -Chancery
Georgia r. Cation
Commissioners Office
Martinsburg, w. Va, June 10, 1916.
To all persons interested in the a.
bove entitled cause:
By a decree of the Circuit Court of
Berkeley County, W.. Va, entered in
the above entitled cause on the 18th
day Of May 1916, the same was re-
ferred to me. with instructions to as.
certain and report
FIRST-All of the real estate own
ed by the judgement Debtors, GeoTg-
ia r. Cation and George w. Cation.
where situate, it's description and the
qauntity thereof.
SECOND-The liens upon tn said
real estate, by whom held and their
respective amounts and priorities.
THIRD-Whether said real estate
will in five years rent for sufficient
sum to pay off and discharge said
liens of the costs of this suit
FOURTH-And such other matters
as any other party in interest may
require the same being pertinent,
in such other matters as the com
missioner may deem pertient whether
so required or not.
You will therefore take notice that
have fixed on MONDAY, THE oath
DAY OF JULY 1915 at 10 a. m. as the
time when and my Office in the Old
National Bank Building IN Martins
burg, w Va, as the place where l
will proceed to execute the said order
of reference and if, from any cause
the same be not completed on that
day, it will be continued, from time
to time, at the same place until it is
completed
Given under my hand this 18th day
of Jun 1916.
w. B. COLSTON
Commissioner in Chanctry of said
Court.
W 6 9 16 %.
Martinsburg herald. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1881-1920, 1916-06-17
POPULAR YOUNG
PEOPLE MARRIED
Miss Lillian Ware and Albert Quen-
eel Married at Christian Parson-
age Last Night.

Last evening at o'clock Miss Lii
liam Ware and Albep Quenzel were
married at the Christian church par.
sonage, the pastor, the Rev. Roy
Schumacher, officiating. Mrs. Quen-
eel is the daughter of Mr.. and Mrs
L. T. Ware, well-known people of the
city, and she is a very popular young
lady.
Mr.. Quenzel is a son of Mr.. and Mrs.
Albert c. Quenzel, and during the
past year was a student at Milligan
college, Milligan, Tenn, but is now
assistant shipping clerk at the Inter
woven mills
Martinsburg herald. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1881-1920, 1916-06-17
Severe PUNISHMENT
OF Mrs. Chappell, Of Five Years
Standing, Relieved by Cardui.

Mt. Airy, N. C.-Mrs. Sarah NJ. Chap
pell of this town, says: 81 suffered for
five years with womanly troubles, also
stomach troubles, and my punishment
was more than any one could tell.
| tried most every kind of medicine,
but none did me any good.
read one day about Cardui, the wo-
mans tonic, and decided to try it.
had not taken but about six bottles until
was almost cured. Ii did me more
good than all the other medicines had
tried, put together.
My friends began asking me why |
looked SO well, and | told them about
Cardui. Several are now taking it."
Do you, lady reader, suffer from any
OF the ailments due TO womanly trouble,
such as headache, backache, sideache,
sleeplessness, and that everlastingly tired
feeling?
If SO, LET us urge you TO give Cardui a
trial. We feel confident ii will help you,
Just as it has million other women in
the past half century.
Begin taking Cardui to-day. You
won't regret it. All druggists.
,wyIte 10: Chattanooga Medicine Co.. Ladies'
ADVISORY Dept Chattanooga. Tenn. for .SsSelag
LshyEeffens on your case ana o4-page book, Home
1reatmsn. for Women" IN plain wraD5sr. NC l24
Martinsburg herald. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1881-1920, 1916-06-17

Of what ii Should tbe bought for rs
a reiiable ereanefy supply tomna,-
and even then the plant Is M. ~,
ways completely equipped
1t requires about 400 good a-....
to support a creamery. This urrs,-
will vary somewhat, dependjrc
conditions. Most of the feed for IN.
COWS should beg rown on laeaE farm,
The advantages that cresr-e-.
offers are many. In the first Mac.
dairy farming is generally consider
to be one of the most satisfactor..
methods of building up the saj
where cream is sold. practically .p
Of the fertility is retained ON N.
farm. Secondly, the crops raised ora
marketed very profitably i'm sof.,o
cream and thus bring in steady In.
come throughout the entire year
The Extension Department Of ths
West Virginia University, eo-operatsrg
with the Dairy Division of the 1-ru
ed States Department of Agricul-u,a
will be glad to get in touch with ans
section desiring creamery and viii
send a man to make a survey OF tra
situation to determine the advisaH,ltv
OF a creamery organization. Then. il
the prospects are good a specaHst
can be obtained nom. the Dan, la.
vision, who will determine Ia, pl.l.r
machinery necessary and vi ~. I'D.
accurate estimate a. IL lie Co.. ill.,.
Extension Department strongly ne.
ommends tnat No CONTRACTS b. ls,ed
Win ally creamery promo #.4
attel an cAp2rt IRON this depa.l.. ii
has looked over the prorO l#Js D.
determine @hethsI ! oteaM ca
BE ptQitably established =.
upon lla ddslCt,9 ShlOH .y.ts
laHleI 10 l.1Lo Serious IUs.,4 81
b. avoided ana Nor IT
1iteF > Il he
Martinsburg herald. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1881-1920, 1916-06-17
ITALIAN GIRL DIES
FROM HER BURNS
Magdaene Faro Succumbs to Suf-
ferlng at Kings Daughters
Hospital.

Magdalene Faro, the young Ital-
ian girl who figured in the frightful
tragedy near the mountains Sunday,
expired late last evening at the Kings
Daughters hospital During the few
hours that the girl lived after the
accident, she suffered terrible agony
The funeral was held this after
noon from st. Joseph's r. C. church,
the Rev. FIR. Cornelius OLeary Off
ciating. Interment was made in St
Joseph's cemetery
1t is understood that the girls par
ents will locate in Martinsburg.
Martinsburg herald. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1881-1920, 1916-06-17
Catarrh Cannot Be Cured

with LOCAL APPLICATIONS, as they
carnot reach the seat of the disease.
Catarrh Is a local disease, greatly in
huenced by constitutional conditions,
and in order to cure it you must
take an internal remedy. Halls Ca
tarrh Cure is taken internally and
acts thru the blood on the mucous sur
faces of the system. Halls Catarrh
Cure was prescribed by one of the best
physicians in this country for years. 1t
is composed of some of the best tonics
known, combined with some of the
best blood purifiers. The perfect COM
bination of the ingredients in Halls
Catarrh Cure is what produces such
wonderful results in catarrhal condi-
lions. Send for testimonials, free.
f. J. CHENEY & CO, Props, Toledo, 0.
All DraEgists, Use.
Halls Family Pills for constipation.
INSURANCE MEN WANTED-Of
fee furnished. Apply at once--Office
Ramsey Building. II st
Martinsburg herald. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1881-1920, 1916-06-17

For any itching skin trouble, piles,
eczema salt rheum. hives, itch, sacld
bead, herpes, scabies. Doans Oint-
ment is highly recommended soc a
box at all stores.
Martinsburg herald. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1881-1920, 1916-06-17

mated.

mated
In closing the banqueters arose and
sang America" and Dr. Trump pro-
nounced the benediction. Every per-
son present extended to Mr.. Ryneal a
vote OF thanks, and then personally
erasped his hand, expressing their APP
probation for the pleasant evening
he had made possible.
The ladies auxiliary of the Y NJ.
c. A. prepared the menu.
Corpus Christi caller and daily herald. [volume] (Corpus Christi, Tex.) 1911-1917, 1916-06-09

uLGerlos osota

A. oroiHsnst Sc nfpslss CO., csc t.h
rntaa'Fu to ths oualftsa tss ra,.as
vetefe - gee elb ~ Cofpss Chnst,.
fssat the qassipH she'll t.s C.t,
ee"Hei o. ths Cas- " Coreus Ch4.t..
ieaet BE- aaihsHFrd 90 .tsus use
bore' ~ tatd CTS .n tht soa, ai ssr
hurtUtd sof tfts theusana aafsrs
rafHhie ferts tesft aftar aats ans
reasonable 81 the orttan ~ aa.H G.tt
a. ens trs Site t..enss 4safs ffoH
eais tNsfsoi sna heaunQ ,nt,tsss 81
See fets ~ ti.s ren.snt nsf anrum
a"a 90 lew tss ssfiia.srt 90 pa,
geo 'ntsfssi au sasH bsnas ass .tsats
tnttnp furt suff...snt So redeem
ts't hoHdt BE msfuftf Tef ais paf
retf - rontiruttIna permanent street
improvements .n ,hs Clo oi Cefrus
Cfftr fssas ana de.sra8 ao
ersfasnef
ORDAINED N m DI1
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Corpus Christi caller and daily herald. [volume] (Corpus Christi, Tex.) 1911-1917, 1916-06-09
WEATHER SUMMARY


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