Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1916-02-27
Some Up-to-Date Definitions.

Tariff for revenue only-Synonym for
| deficit.
Situation, Mexican-See Gen. Sherman
| on war.
Situation, European-Gen. Sherman's
apology to hell.
Tariff-Synonym for trouble.
Continental army-Vulgarisn used as
contraction Of the awkward but cor
continental damn for the army
| lingo. noun-One who would rather
fight (vicariously) than eat.
Pacifist-One who would rather eat
than fight.
Neutrality-When a nation has doz-
en- enemies instead Of one. it is called
neutrality.
Peace at any price-What Garrison
got by resigning.
Neutral, proper noun-An unpreju-
diced person who sympathizes with
your views.
Resign, verb-To quit For instance.
Secretary Redheld will not resign.
| Judicial temperament-F Formerly a
Of William Howard Taft; now descrtp-
tive of Louis d. Brandeis.
Mr.. Gregg Makes a Speech.
President Strayer introduced as one
Of the speakers of the evening the
celebrated statesman. Mr. Gogg. This
eloquent speech in favor of prohibi-
ton in the District of Columbia when
boy entered carrying two demi'ohns
Which Mr.. Gogg are you looking
for?" he was asked
Mr.. Demmie Gogg. Is Mr.. Demmie
Gogg here? oh. there he is. Here, Mr..
lGogg. are the goods you ordered. Sign
here" said the boy. handing over the
demiiohns
why. Mr.. Gogg. am shocked to
learn that you do not practice what
you preach" said a bystander.
District Of Columbia it's different; it's
different. Here they don't hold any
primaries. caucuses. conventions or
elections Where the people can't vote
I can talk as 1 darn please, and do as
packages to my room And. say. leave
word at the express ONCE to repeat
the order next Saturday"
One Of the most charming features
"Orpheus and Eurydice. 1915 Model"
Utilizing the music of Offenbach's ia
nous opera, its characters were trans
posed to At modern political conditions.
Orpheus thus became the great har-
moniser. who has reformed every.
Eurydice was otherwise known as Made
moiselle Overwhelming Demand" whom
lOrpheus and everybody else were try
ing to win. Jupiter posed as "Ameri-
litical boss, and there were Juno,
iCharon, Flora, Hebe and other demi-
gods.
Scene Laid in Hades.
The scene was laid in hades, of
course, and the red lights shed the
appropriate glow upon the inferno. For
such high persons as Jupiter ct al some
of the conversation was. to say the
least. rather startling. but then it must
be understood that this is 1916.
For instance. imagine Charon. the
| ferryman, with a broken oar, deliver
ing himself thus:
| Say, Pluto, I am in an awful fix
My poor old River Styx Is running dry.
Things are not as they were in days
gone by.
The old pork barrels in an awful pic
Rivers and harbors won't hand me a
| nickel
"Of all sad tales this is surely the
worst" sobbed Jupiter. and called:
"Hebe. a cup Of wine. I have thirst
whereat there is a chorus from infer
down here
MIX on the nectar. lads. Your Hebe
has been canned. 1 hate to think how
Shep. Of Texas put me on the blink
| replied the cup bearer.
Then Pluto. Orpheus and Eurydice
had little talk. in hades, Orpheus
boasting still Of being the great re-
former:
You are not the first reformer who
has gone to hades. Is Boies Penrose
| NO"
Strange. I thought my friend Gift
ford Pinchot had provided for that"
rs Bryan here?"
fault
rs Louis Brandeis heree"
NO; he's left us for life OF peace
and quiet. We miss him. He used to
do a great deal toward making the
place interesting"
around here. I think I'll tell Theodore
Roosevelt about IT."
Theodore Roosevelt! Why. he's the
fellow that started this place.
The skit concluded with topical songs
to number Of prominent guests, which
caused great amusement.
| OF for the Conventions.
One Of the skits OF the evening was
Famed upon the departure of special
trains for the st. Louis and Chicago
conventions and the comments upon
the distinguished passengers depart
ing. station gateway was erected
in the center Of the hall. beside which
stood the ticket punchers to let the
passengers through. The first pas
senger to appear was Senator Burton,
who approached the Chicago gateman.
You are sure I am not too late?'
asked the senator
You won't be too late until you get
to Chicago" replied the gateman.
Next Senator Sherman appeared. but
presented himself at the st. Louis gate.
Here. senator. this 10 your gate said
the Chicago gateman.
"Aw. let him through, BILL" said the
st. Louis man: The will have as much
chance at st. Louis as he will at
Chicago"
Senator Borah. Champ Clark. Mr..
Fairbanks. Vice President Marshall.
Senator Lewis. in turn passed through
and were subjected to caustic comment
from the gatemen.
Jake. here comes the two wickedest
men in the world-Uncle Joe and
Boisey Penrose."
rs this the regular train?" asked
Penrose.
"Everythings regular this year. SEN
ator."
On Lookout for 7. r.