The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-05-14

jun" in killing me for the feathers on it, never even got so much as look!
 It is the sublime indifference of New York that makes you feel like worm; upon consideration a worm is entirely too important; there are people who are afraid of worms; an atom, perhaps or an ion; or better still, that later discovery in infinitesimality-an electron!
 The woman who plunged ahead of me and let the swinging doors fly back in my face did not intend anything per sonal by it, of course; no, not at all; she was dashing out to go up to see the 'Mannikins" walk at Bendels or Lucile's or Litchtenstein' and you know very well that the exact thing she wanted to see might have gone by if she had politely stopped to ask if those were my front teeth she had knocked out or only some small change that had rattled on the floor.
 After living for years in a country whose chief assets are it's climate, it's coal and iron, where the smoke goes up straight into a cloudless sky, and where everybody knows everybody else and most of us are kin" and if we are not, we know everybody's folks" New York is overpowering, crushing; it overwhelms with its greatness; it inspires; it awes; it's noises bewilder, and the reckless, headlong speed of the thing fills you with fright until it be- comes apparent that the pandemonium is not pandemonium after all, since every one knows exactly where he is going, and exactly what he is going to do and the recklessness is only the sureness of knowledge and experience.
 If one of those crime etaching ma chimes could be attached to the "coun try jay upon his first day in New York I feel sure that every known emotion, together with some new ones, would be found recorded when his quivering nerves relaxed that night.
 Rushing over the Weatherly viaduct in Birmingham in an auto at the rate of 50 miles an hour; looking down from the top of the Jefferson County Savings bank building from the Press club roof garden, seeing run" at one of the big furnaces, or anything that might be mentioned that is exciting and apparently dangerous in this nice little town of ours, is not half the nervous strain that crossing Broadway is late in the afternoon. let me say.
 However. after the first few days in New York, I worked out system that made the adventure comparatively safe
 Imagine yourself at Times Square. EOrfV-SacOnd cfr do1 tr 11t most; Broadway antersecting with some other street-Seventh avenue, isn't it?-and melee of people and au- tomobiles and an occasional sulky looking 'hansom," entirely out of date. and furiously jealous of the "taxis"
 We'll, when I found myself thus placed. I quietly discovered that l could work out my system of crossing by calmly waiting for a fat man to come along. and then all had to do was to circle around until I found him about three feet from the the win ward side. then I calculated that would have ample time to escape in the second that it would take taxicab to squash him; that is a comfortable thought and does not hurt the fat man.
 And then the policeman: thank the good Lord for the cops in New York
 Isn't it a glorious sight to see that chauffeur of the Vanderbilts or the As tors or the Morgans or the GouIds, who is bearing down upon you with blood in his eye, or the driver of that beer wagon who is waiting to rush over you crosswise-T say isn't it ex- hilirating to see them stop stark still, foiled in their murderous purpose at the policeman's regal gesture and the sound of his musical whistle?
 l should really dislike very much to hail from the fair southland, where chiyalry pervades even among the humblest. and be killed by mere beer wagon driver in New York.
 It is just like being home with sister when it. is laundering to get grip on one of the buttons of the policeman s coat at such a time; in panic stricken moments it has even been in my mind to run and land on his back like a cata- mount-only it would be too undignifed
 After I have lunched at the Ritz "Tea-d" at the Plaza. amb ed down Peacock Alley at the Waldrof, and dined at the Biltmore, with all the gay abandon of school girl going up on the platform to ''recite"-"Curfew Shall Not Ring Tonight in a pair of brand new, squeaky shoes, it begins to dawn upon me that perhaps there is something not quite right about the set of my clothes; you know what mean; haven't you felt that way?
 My skirt seems just a little too fun somehow, although l had thought l