davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1916-11-24
LUKE M'LUKE SAYS

| There was a time when a girl had to
stand pat if nature didn't give her a COM
plexion. But nowadays she can always
| fall back on art
The newest excuse is blaming the spark
plug. The oldest excuse is blaming the
woman.
After all it isn't a woman's clothes that
attract attention. 1t is what she wears
| them on.
! man is ashamed of the callouses that
come from handling a shovel But he is
proud of the callouses that come from
handling a tennis racket
| We see by the market report that
| Dressed Calves Are Higher" Gosh. we
saw about thousand of them yesterday
and we never noticed it.
| 1t used to be that an undertaken could
| take little outing on Sunday like other
folks. But since automobiles and JOY
| riders came into being. the poor under
| taker has to spend the day in his estab-
| lishment and sit close to the telephone
| Another safe bet is that you'd be a
pretty good citizen If you were half as
! good as you think your neighbors ought
| to be-
1t has just about come to the point
where children require lot of patience
to enable them to get along with their
parents.
| Pay no attention to the man who is
hunting for trouble. But look out for
the man who is trying to avoid trouble
farmer has been pinched for feed
ing sand to chickens to make them weigh
more. They have safer scheme in the
city. They feed them T-bones. lobster
and candy.
| When you see married woman lin.
gering and watching at the front window
for her husband to come home. it isn't
always the sign that she is devoted tt
him. She may be there to see that he
doesn't smile at that snippy girl next dool
when he passes her house.
You can guess at mans age. But
a woman is as old as she looks before she
gets her coffee in the morning.
The reason why married man doesn't
| get any pleasure out of staying at home
at night is because his wife regards II
as his duty.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1916-11-24
Partial to Philippines

The many changes in Birmingham
during the past five years are evident
on all Sides" said First Lieutenant Carl
Mckinney, United States army, who is
here on a furlough visiting his parents.
Il came home the day after L graduated
at West Point for a brief visit and then
left to take UP my duties in the service
of the government. Since that time I
have been in nearly every civilized coun-
try on the globe"
Lieutenant Mckinney will leave Biz
mingham next Tuesday for Chihuahua,
Mexico, to join General Pershings bri-
gade. IT have been stationed on the Dor
der for the past six months" continued
Lieutenant Mckinney. "I am glad to be
placed in service In Mexico. The country
is not near so barren as one would think.
OF course, the revolutions recently have
made the country less attractive. 1 am
partial to the Philippines when it comes
to a country In which to live The Fill
pinos are mostly Christians and they are
steadily progressing. The customs are
delightful and the cordially toward
everyone Is wonderful. Since I left Bir-
rningham I have been in Japan, China.
the Philippines Hawaii and other foreign
lands. I am glad to be back for few
days and meet some of my old friends
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1916-11-24
CITIZENS OF A NEW KINGDOM

Most of the houses of Arabia are built
of sundried bricks; many OF them are
three stories high, and all have flat roofs.
AS rule, the interiors are quite de-
void of furniture, the coffee rooster,
FOUNDER, pots, and cups being about ali
that is visible that savors of daily life
and needs. Many of the houses are
doorless, accounted for by the scarcity
of suitable wood.
Wherever people are found in the
Arabian peninsula with the most limited
number of milk giving animals, such as
sheep, goats or camels, there will be
found the national substitute for the
lard of the occident, or the olive oil OF
other lands, very favorite production
called 'semmin. This is butter which
is made in primitive, simple and I'M
appetizing manner by being churned in
skin which has been none too well cured
and does not recommend itself for clean
illness. The mode of procedure Is sim
plicity itself. the milk being put into
the skin and then either swung back
ward and forward on tripod, or rolled
to and fro on the ground until the fat
of the milk forms itself into butter A
favorite dish to set before the distin-
guished guest is mixture of dates and
butter.
Throughout Arabia there are many
things in common among the Bedouins
and the Fellahs, as for example, the
manner of clothing among both sexes;
little distinction is made between rich
and poor, and from a. mans apparel it
Is impossible to get any idea of his
social standing.
I'm all homes it is customary for the
host to assume the place of waiting
during the serving of food He takes
his meals after all the others have been
served.
LAS In other Mohammedan lands, the
women in the cities and towns of Arabia
are secluded, but in the village and camp
life they enjoy the same freedom as the
men; the women, too, do a large share
of the work in cooperation with the
male members of the family"
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1916-11-24
Servant of the People

"A member Of Congress is daily i'm
pressed with the fact that he is a serv-
ant of the people, by the volume Of mail
that he receives said Representative
George H. Huddleston yesterday. my
mail will be in excess of 100 pieces a
day, and you may imagine the variety
of requests that 1 have
with the troops on the border. am
bombarded with requests that certain
ones be relieved of duty. Despite the
fact that am powerless to act in many
cases, must hear all the requests 1t
is a pleasure to serve my constituents,
and I am sorry that I cannot do more.
But the persistency that some evince
has deprived me of one rather valuable
convenience. I cannot have a phone at
my residence; for. if I did, 1 would get
no rest at ALL
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1916-11-24

were hailed before a magistrate on the
charge of shooting craps on the side
walk and each one Of them received a
prison sentence. Can the poor and de-
fenseless be blamed for asking in Bit
terness, Where is justice?
The projected anti-betting crusade
may end in talk. If the 1920 race is
exciting, and it probably will be, men
with big rolls will be on hand to back
their judgments on the result and un-
less the public conscience undergoes
a great change no one will rise up in
protest.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1916-11-24
THE TRAVELLER

By Alfred Moves.
Dark, dark lay the drifters against the
red west,
AS they dropped their long meshes Of
steel oversize;
And the oily green waters were rocking
to rest
When Kilmeny went out. at the turn
of the tide;
And nobody knew where that lassie would
roam,
For the magic that called her was tap
ing unseen.
1t was well-nigh a week ere Kilmeny
came home;
And nobody knew where Kilmeny had
been.
With gun at her bow that was New
castles best.
And a gun at her stern that was fresh
from the Clyde,
And secret her skipper had never conf
fessed, ss
Not even at dawn, to his newly-wedI
bride:
And wireless that whispered above.
like gnome,
The laughter of London. the boasts Of
Berlin
o. it may have been mermaids that lured
her from home:
But nobody knew where Kilmeny had.
been.
1t was dark when Kilmeny came homo
from her quest,
With her bridge dabbled red where her,
skipper had died;
But she moved like pride with a ross'
at her breast;
And "Weil done. Kilmeny," the adj
miral cried.
Now. from sixty-four fathom. conger1
may come
And tell you his tale Of a drowned sub
marine
But late in the evening Kilmeny came
home;
And nobody knew where Kilmeny hadi
beeA.
There's wandering shadow that staresl
at the foam.
(Though they sing all the night to old(
England, their Queen.)
Late, late in the evening. Kilmeny camel
homo
And nobody knew where Kilmeny had.
been.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1916-11-24
PILLS AND PROSPERITY

From the Industrial Index.
"He was the greatest advertiser OF
his age and at his death was worth
SAG, 900, 900"
This was written of Beecham, the
British pill manufacturer, who died
recently.
Beecham did not begin with mill
lions. He was poor boy, and was
rear upon q farm. Early in life he
began the manufacture and sale of
pills. They were good pills and he
advertised them. The result is ex-
pressed in the enormous sum of $140,-
900, 900.
1t was not sufficient that he manu-
featured a good article. though that
was necessary. 1t was just as neces-
sary that he should make known to
possible purchasers of pills the eff
cheney of his pills. He did So He
became the greatest advertiser of his
age. And when he died he was worth
$40, 10000
incidentally, Beecham was created
knight and a baronet, which was
something of a tribute to his success,
perhaps, but more likely it was a
greater tribute to the millions that he
had amassed. 1t Is Just possible, OF
course. that King Edward or King
George-whichever made Beecham a
knight-had read an advertisement of
his pills and tried them and was well
pleased. But in this country we care
little for knighthood-or think we
don't, which amounts to about the
same thing.
Anyway, Beecham tried advertising
more frequently than did any other
man of his time and he found that 1t
paid him largely
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1916-11-24
D1sCoURAGING

What did your governor think of your
proposition to go into business with
him?" asked the first college graduate.
HE didn't seem much impressed" an
swered the second college graduate.
He said he didn't see how the firm
could use me unless they decided to open
dancing academy as a sort of side
line"
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1916-11-24
HOTEL LOBBIES
Christmas CIft. for soldier.

There are many people who are won
dering what they shall send as Christ
mas gifts to the thousands of soldiers
who are now doing duty on the Mexican
border" said J. Reese Murray of Murray
& Hanna. II saw the other day a letter
from General Pershing, in which he gave
his opinion Of the matter.
His letter stated that the men had a
sufficient supply of the necessaries of
life. and suggested that their friends
send, instead of tobacco and food, pocket
knives, books. stationery and other little
gifts of this nature"
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1916-11-24
ADRIFT WITH THE TIMES
THE HApLEss CONSUMER

The high cost of living I've sung till I'm
weary,
The theme is not one that can truly
inspire.
But who dares ignore it? Such verse
may be dreary,
Yet there is small comfort in tuning
ones Tyre
For mere flights of fancy when butter
is soaring
And eggs will ere long, tits said, be out
of reach.
1t isn't the time for poetic outpouring
And life has some rather hard lessons
to teach.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1916-11-24
HIGHLY BELL1GERENr

Have you ever met a man who would
fight at the drop of hat?"
Il can't say that have" replied the
pacific individual. but once or twice
in my life have met persons who would
fight If one dropped hint to that er-
feet"
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1916-11-24
Late Jack London
Wrote Many Books

sTHE death of Jack London removes
. a picturesque figure from con-
temporaneous literature. He had a re-
markably virile personality which was
reflected in all that he wrote. He was
perhaps the best exponent this country
has ever had of -blooded" fiction,
and the term is not. used in any dis
paraging sense. He had great gift of
words and was able to transfer to the
pages of his books scenes and Incl
dents of actual life with startling
vividness. In fact, he lived much as
he wrote and many of his stories were
based more or less on his personal ex-
perience.
It is difficult to approximate a
writer's literary value during his life
time, or shortly after his death. Rath-
err, it is hard to say whether his fame
will endure or not. There are many
glowing pages by Jack London that
deserve to live, for no author has ever
surpassed him, perhaps, in sheer vigor
Of style, marked also by lucidity that
contributed no little to his popularity.
That he has great and growing fol-
lowing among readers of fiction there
can be no doubt.
Early in his career London set him
self the task of writing a certain
amount of copy every day. He usually
wrote about four hours day, no mat
ter where he happened to be, even
keeping up this schedule while cruis-
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1916-11-24
CLUSTERED

do you know, Miss Doppel, was just
about to propose to you when you inter-
rupted me with a remark about the
weather."
"oh, yes, Mr.. Dubson. In fact, that
was the principal reason why I didn't
think of something more original to talk
about.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1916-11-24
THE MAN HIGHER UP

From the Washington Star
1.-THE old-fashioned boy used to re-
spect every word his father said.'
Yes" replied that rather cynica
youth, 'but you must remember that
the d-fashioned boy had one of those
old-fashioned fathers
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1916-11-24

BEGINNING THE DAY - My
Father, when the rain falls into my
life and the darkness descends, help
me to look beyond to the harvests
which shall be after awhile. Grant
me to open up the deeps of my
nature for Thy watering. May l en-
dure, looking forward unto the
more exceeding glory. For Christ's
sake Amen.--H. Nj. e.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1916-11-24

ing about in the Pacific on board the
Shark. AS result he accomplished in
a comparatively brief career an enor-
nous amount of work.
Curiously enough perhaps the worst
book he ever wrote is one of his best
known, John Barleycorn." This work
is largely photographed and the
thinly yelled braggadocio with which
he describes the most incredible orgies
in the seamen's dives of San Francisco
and in many other parts of the world
is in rather poor taste. Neither as a
moral treatise nor as literature has
the book any value.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1916-11-24
THE PLEASURES OF HOPE

From the Boston Transcript.
Farmer-Say, stranger, there aren't
any fish in that pond; not a one.
Angler-What the deuce did YOU tell
me that for? You've spoiled nv whole
afternoon't pleasure.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1916-11-24
Austrian RULER Is

Under Kaiser's Thurmb
1NHERE was unconscious humor in
q the Understanding proclama-
ton of Emperor Charles of Austria,
announcing "my inflexible decision to
continue the struggle until a peace as
surfing the existence and the develop
ment of the monarchy is obtained"
The new Emperor is not strong
character to begin with. His country
is already completely dominated by
Prussia. He will take his orders from
the Kaiser, even as the much more
capable Francis Joseph did, and his
proclamation was simply issued as a
matter of form.
The future of the dual monarchy
will depend to large extent on the
amount of power and prestige Ger
many retains when peace is declared.
During the continuation of the war
Charles will be merly a figurehead and
his government will be directed ac-
cording to the Kaiser's wishes.
AS Austria Hungary is now hardly
more than a dependency of Prussia, it
is hardly probable that her war lords
will ever loosen their hold on it, unless
the house of Hohenzollern is COM
pletely humbled and it's ambitious
plans frustrated by the allies.
Since Emperor Charles will be mere
ly nominal ruler, he may enjoy more
peace of mind than his unfortunate
uncle. 1t is unlikely that the cares of
state will be permitted to rest heavily
on his shoulders. The Kaiser and his
advisers will see to that
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1916-11-24
No Peace for Mexico

'It seems as If there will never be
Is at large" said Guy Redden, assist
ant circuit solicitor of the Sixth judicial
district, who was registered at the Burt
yesterday. 1T may truthfully be said
that the bandit Villa has enjoyed an
unusually long reign of publicity. Prac-
tically every newspaper in the world
about his depredations.
1.-The famous bandit of America,
Jesse James. is like unto mere sneak
thief compared to Pancho Villa. There
is no man in history that has ever had
the unique distinction of antagonizing
one of the world powers to such an
extent that an army of thousands of
soldiers were sent into his land to
capture or kill him. understand there
is standing reward of $4,000 on the
head Of this outlaw, dead or alive. The
Carranzista government is responsible
for this reward. 1t will be remembered
that Bob Ford shot his friend and
partner in crime in thee back for a
reward. No one would have ever
dreamed that Ford would have turned
traitor on Jesse James. Villa is a
great character and a desperate van
dial whose activities should be put to
an end"
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1916-11-24
GROSS FLATTERY
line

Say, do look like an easy mark?"
mo, you don't" replied the smooth
confidence man. You look to me like a
person who is out of place in this hide
bound community. If my knowledge of
character hadn't convinced me that you
have initiative, business ability and the
courage to play for big stakes, I never
would have picked you out as the only
man in town who deserves to make a
million dollars"
"Ahem! Well, let's hear what your
scheme is"
MOTORING
The cares of life
Are said to double
When one contends
With engine trouble.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1916-11-24
PERFECT BRUTE

MRS. Bilfur says Mr.. Bilfur anticipates
her every want"
THAT man has mean disposition. He
merely anticipates her wants for the
satisfaction it gives him to say no.. -
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1916-11-24
Election Betting
And Criminal Law

G-a0SS7 S4O01 3|S v SoA0sD
And Criminal Law
MIR. HUGHES telegram of con-
0VO graduation to President Will
son served as a signal to the New
York Stockholders of the money bet
on the election that technicalities were
no longer in order and that the sue
cessful betters were to receive all
that was coming to them. Exciting
presidential contests in other years
aroused the gambling spirit to high
degree, and the wagers placed on the
results assumed large proportions;
but all betting in the past was tame
in comparison with the wagers placed
on Hughes and Wilson. The Asso-
ciated Press reports the betting in
Wall street alone aggregated between
Sc, 100000 and $5,OOO,O0O. Take the
whole country and it is reasonable to
say that fully $10,O0O,O0O was bet.
Throughout the campaign people in
New York seemed confident that
Hughes would be the winner and the
betting was generally in his favor so
far as odds were concerned. The
financial district was mostly for
Hughes and as these be flush times
re was practically no limit to
Hughes money"
Notwithstanding the fact that the
money at stake totaled vast sum the
settlements will cause little or no
financial distress to individuals, for
most of the losers were we'll able to
lose. Next week most of them will
have forgot all about it. At any rate,
here will be no cause for retrench-
ment in living expenses.
But betting is gambling and gam
bling incurs severe penalties, accord
ling to New York's criminal code and
the criminal codes of most other
states. But like many laws, those
against election betting have never
been enforced. Men who never think
of gambling at cards or games of
chance do not hesitate to put up money
on favorites in a political race. The
lnongambling public has shut its eyes
to the 'crime" and campaign man.
ayers have encouraged it, for it braces
up the faint-hearted and keeps off
cold feet. If the betting this year
ihad been in old-time bounds
small amounts and chiefly for diver
sion-"the reformers" perhaps would
not talk of starting a law enforcement
movement for 1920.
One of the leading New York news
papers suggests that not only should
men who put up money on elections be
punished, but that the bankers who
received the deposits of the stakehold-
ers and paid interest thereon should
likewise be subject to criminal prose-
cution.
In this connection glaring in
stance of the inequality of social
Justice. was pointed out in New
York. Only recently several boys
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1916-11-24

Mercy Home Need
Urgent This Year

ID BIRMINGHAM never fails to re-
w spond generously to the appeals
of the ladies who manage the Mercy
Home-that place of refuge for more
than ninety of the city's dependent
children.
The annual Thanksgiving appeal is
made public today. The. need is even
more urgent than usual because the
city has appropriated nothing to the
home during the past year. The ladies
suggest silver offerings, but anything
will be welcome-anything from
stockings to something to eat-which
will be useful to a little child. The
generous heart of Birmingham can al
ways be depended upon to make prop
er provision for the Mercy Home.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1916-11-24
Will Supply Much
Needed Capie@I

TIME farm loan bank will be Of far
y reaching benefit to tillers of the
soil in all parts of the country. To the
cotton farmer who is cramped on &C.
count of the floods of last summer
and the boil weevil it will be a god
send indeed. He is doing the best he
can to diversity his crops, but diver
sification requires capital, that is if
the new movement is attempted on a
large scale and if the raising of live
stock, especially cattle, be included
in it.
This rural credits system, which is
soon to be operative, is just what has
long been needed to put the business
of husbandry on footing with other
branches of industry.
The twelve regional farm loan banks
will be located before the end of the
year, and many farmers in Alabama
will date their new era of prosperity
from the time the bank for this ere
gion," which should spell Birmingham,
opens its doors. 1t could not make it's
appearance at better time to fulfill
its beneficent purpose.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1916-11-24
SENSIBLE PLAN

Doing anything for your health these
days?"
mo-" replied the chronic invalid. I'm
letting it alone and 1 haven't felt so
well in years."