davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1916-02-27
HUMOR.

IEIiE'S to those Indies and gentlemen. wlicr.
ever they may he located. who have no
sense Of humor. We do not intend, even
if we had the desire, to offer them our consolation
or sympathy in their dilemma. On the contrary,
we rather feel that they are entitled to n certain
amount Of homage and respect.
II would he extremely unfortunate also II by
some miracle of nature they should suddenly
h"'"m" imbn"d with II sens" Of huin"r. Under
tics" narrowing circumstances what would we
'l": We should all no laughing at each other
and enjoying II altogether too much. II would
h" II sad state of affairs.
NJ present II man who has no sense Of hun,or
docs not know II, Furthermore, he rcs'nts it
when ne secs it In any one else. II" does not
know why he rcscntS II. He simply feels that
Their" il something wrong.
When n man who has no sense of lumor on
d"avor> I" talk with II man who lins Il" immcdi.
il"ly begins Ia acquire n contempt for this ire
Slonsihlo gentleman. This In itself Is n never
ending source of amusement-that Is. to the other
man.
There is supposed to he n law Of compensation.
II II man Is lacking in sense of humor he must
have other qualities to make up the deficiency.
And what, pray. are these Astounding qualities?
ON" of them Is n sense Of his own Importance.
ANOTHER Is n perfect conviction Of the i%rresImnsi-
hili,y aud general futility of any one else. What
NOR" can any reasonable human being ask than
II ion of these two qualities? They af-
ford one II perfect and continuous sense of sat.
isFnctiOn.
That inferior character. however, who does
have n sense OF humor has absolutely nothing to
fail back upon. The moment that he becomes
serious he suddenly discovers that In the grand
scheme of things his seriousness is really of no
consequence. This makes him Immediately laugh
III himself.
The result is that n man with n sense Of humor
II constantly r>Iericnrin. continuous humiliation
over his own shortcomings. About The only
pleasure that he really gels uul Of life is in The
contemplation of those people who have no sense
Of himol. and even this feeling he Gun share with
noDsdy else but himself.
The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1916-02-27
In defence of Dorothea, he bit me.

kins. IL only you were more like Wally! You
should br ashamed To allow n Dog Ia excel You
In spiritual Perfection. in Moral Integrity, in
.f.sthetic Perception! You should he ashnmrt!'
DOrothea loved that Dog. She lavislr,l upon
him all that love and alteration which only Il
woman whose children prefer the society of SER
wants can feel for a Dog;
His nam was WallN->hnrt for Walter Tat"r.
And WallN was NOT merely II Moral Dog; ne
was also, IA have limited. an .E>thctic bog,
W" loved music. Not Wagner. Wagner was too
coarse and crude and loud for Wally'> nerves,
DOrothea said. But h" loved Brahms and ,ri".
Dorothea used to sit at the piano ana play for
him by the hour.
Wally loved all the arts. I shall never forget
Wally's first cubist drawing ami the pride and joy
with which DOrOthea exhibited il to her own little
circle. her Sorority Of Passionate uplifters and
.f'stheticisers.
Wally could do everything but speak. He often
tried to do that. Dorothea firmly believed that
the soul OF an East Indian Yogi looked NJ her out
Of Wally's eyes. He was n sweet spiritual in
hnence around our house.
My wife never allowed the children to associate
with Wally for fear their influence would corrupt
him. He used to sob when n"rothra read IN him
the sonnets of Dante Gabriel RoS>etti.
Naturally. ! was not popular with Wally. |
was a brute. ! felt myself to be- his inferior. lie
encouraged the feeling. So, l may add, did
D%orothea.
1t was no wonder. ! always rocked with to-
bacco. Other habits came and went. hut I still
chung to tobacco. ! soaked myself with nicotine.
was saturated with this deadly poison, Deadly.
that Is. to every one hut myself, In the quantities
In which ! used 1t.
was like Mithridatcs, the Oriental king Of
ancient days, who had gradually accustomed him
self to the use Of all sorts Of noNious drugs, 50 that
II any one put poison In his food 1t would have
no enert upon him. | wish that | could convey
to non-sinokers, or to moderate smokers, some
adequate idea Of the state | was In because Of
tobacco. Read De Qulncy's Confessions Of an
Opium Eater-and ] have eaten opium too, in my
time-just to have a habit that Dorothea might
happily and triumphantly break me of-and even
then you viii scarcely realize the condition ] was
In because OF nicotine.
But now-remorse ch0Les my utterance.
Wally! Wally! Wally!
How can 20 on:
But must. will he brave. will tell all.
viii lay bare my QuiNering SOU and show m,
lcinous crime. will spare myself nothing.
One night viii he u year exactly ON the
?bth OF March, lSl0-at midnight. ! staggered
nome staggered home Keeling and reckiug with
The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1916-02-27
The dance at the Country Club.

first lin" Won have ever admitted To mo that YOU
are weak, and that j. ia" most hopeful ~sU. II
You had laughed away my fears with d'ri~i'o
laughter then would hn>" dr>pHir"d. We ~
20 to III" dance. You Will dane" with Mr.. Mo-
ton. Then If her fatal Influence hocuW,, 'p
strong shall l." there tu ti.lrl for ut, oWu. \
life j. II struggle. Harold. W" may a. Well io'e-
mine the issue tonight.
"SIokcn like the brave. true woman that ycp
are"
Mcryton iclcphoncd II little later that " voltl
b" II good idea for them 10 take dinner t"g"fh,'
NJ the club. This arrangement was '""~nmma'"'
All through the dinner Myrtle f"l' 81 ~'rnu., >orN
of unrest. Morytnn himself t"lt uneasy. Iinroi
al-" was not quite rl4nt. ou'N Mr.. N"ryion
NiNurinu~ nu,l i"ilti'ul. was h~lj~stull, rpnor
>ci",is. She really appeared 10 Ice c|ni"llu- he.
self.
The music began.
"Hravonly 80 murmure,l Mrs. Mcryton.
Harold. under her spell. held ont his arms
M"r!t"n meanwhile had seized Mrs. rcn>el,. TIE
Glance was on.
III" music stopped. there was lively arr'u~.
a-;iiu IN" music started III and again Stopped.
lil" crisis had 'omc.
Myrtle roascly stood before her husband. ~
determined.
come with me-" Mrs. Mcry,ou 'oo,eI B..
tl"u in nnlaA"nIrnt. ~ this moment Ne. .
hurried up.
Pardon me, Can I SOC ~ri alone ono nro,-.e'
he whispered L" Myrtle. II" led her uu' ot '
crowd into a small anteroom. He Wa pale. ht
hard and unfolding.
Mrs. I'-a>cly." II" spokcly Quict'y. "iu'. - 20.
affair"
Your AFFAIR."
"fr>. My wife has come uulcr .oJr 70
hand>om" huslrIn'l> spell"
You uuran-
eli makes no difference. SIM ,u,m .,.-
look into each Others eyes. Thai W.~ cH..-
] shall defend my honor with my M" 'f good, D.
Trust all /" me. Their" will be II" h@','I-.'' ~
The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1916-02-27
6GA.XG;AH; ~: :? -: = IS e. 8 Il
IL >MNM@V 1m WWXR~ Illustrations by FOURTH MX~ ~
Illustrations by a Fourth.
DOROTHEA THE UPLIFTER
BY DON MARQUIS.

nicotine. from one Of those orgies Of iniquity
known Us n Smoker.
Poison. the poison to which I was Injured,
drirred from ever. pore.
My wife met me at the door. I was about to
kiss her.
But Wally sprang between us. He could not
bear to sec me kiss her. He was righteOusly in
,ignant that such a drugged and nicotinc-drunken
mortal as I should embrace Dorothea, his idol.
He snarled.
He bit me IN the calf OF my leg. He had never
liked me. but 1t was the first time that We had
ever come to blows. or that one Of us had bitten
tn" gentleman To bite me. And I had been afraid
Ia bite Wally.
I'ut. in the defence Of Dorothca. ne bit me.
Wally! Wally! Poor. poor Wally.
The nicotine entered his system almost at once.
There are some things too painful to describe
! draw a veil over his final agonies.
In an hour Wally lay dead in Dorothea's arms
My own suffrriug> nv rcmorsp
Al. only those who have been a. I
Was-aS ! am Act.--can understand!
l'ut ! am trying Ia save myself. At least Wally
>hall not have lived in vain.
Exactly at midnight. the twenty fifth If March,
~" anniversary If the moment on which Wally
hit me, | viii sign the ncn-smokcrs' pledge.
would have given up tobacco Immediately
upon the death Of Wally. hut ! saw that II would
not do. My wife's grief was so terrible that she
would hay" bccon" crazed had she not hcen able
&" occupy her mind. So I kept on with the To-
The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1916-02-27
O ONLY
Edited by o MASON.

Just one more question she said. Twill YOU
20 to the opera with me at the matinees every
Saturday afternoon:"
Then the young man got IN. folded his arms
sternly and replied:
Never. I love you dearly. I am willing to
make all kinds Of a fool Of myself and TO do any
thing ,hn, any metropolitan husband is Obliged
+" II" in these halcyon days. but I'll he eiernally
frizzled If lose my self-rcSpect to the extent Of
a'l"nding the opera with any grown woman in
daylight"
Answered like n hero - she exclaimed. clasp
ing him fOndly in her arms. 1T Is the one thing
that ! didn't want you 10 do. On, how grand II is
to feel at least that ! am marrying a true man."
Answer to Correspondent
DEAR EDTToR: ! Am 4 married man long past
middle age. living In q large city and still In love
with my wife. She is IN fact the only woman
! have ever loved. We are also living within our
income. I am an American. What shall l do?
X.
This strange and almost pathetic case will
excite the sympathy Of every one. We can offer
no hope to our correspondent. Subjected to all
the temptations of the city, II he still loves only
one woman we do not see that he has anything
to look forward to but death-and a sure
Immortality.
The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1916-02-27

(Note: This column is n helpful department
for all those who are interested in love In all
Of It's forms, sentiments. "s'ulntions. yearningS.
courtships-in fact everything dealing with the
only subject in life that is worth thinking or
talking nbout.)
The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1916-02-27

can help II. will take him quin'' ."' ana
make II AL plain To him ~ man =, w.' Iea''
VIM" YOU and my wife must stay u. "
lr'S'r\" appearance. In t, small IoN" ..' ''
II would never do for You To- lra1r ."' are
plenty of partners among the yuup- n.n SAY
no more. Leave every thing tn me
Leaving her and crossing the room '' N'r'
f,'nS"'y by the arm, In an instant Gle. .i N'l
disappeared.
TN" next mornin: Mrs, r,;,'l. .'' I'D NJ
husband
by. the way, how much dd ,.. ''
uight:"
"Iia' You have guessed 80
1T was easy. You two mon ditr. "r Nss
nhih ! o'clock to take us lomr. Nr. -""' you
were both up stairs playing poker. y" ' w,
YOU who mailed me that auou> lurE. ppm.
wasn't II? And you two men cuun|N,' .'H@
to get away from Us, didn't Your"
Harold Fcascly folded his arms rr''
'Richt".' he said. Are yu'l un-m. ne
DEAR
Sh" shook her head.
"\o.' she said. at was ~''H.
mat >"u would rather Ilnl inlp.
Your next door nci.hlor rllru duo.
mat ! don't feel badly uiunI r .
And A.e Is some ds;,-"- .-u.,v
harold.
The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1916-02-27

- me to Reform me.
For years I WAS inclined to think he
was going too far with 1t. | willingly gave up
all the habits I could get. with the exception nf
the tobacco habit. and now | wish that l had
given that up.
Dorothea's passion for perfection is SO strong
her desire to uplift the world is 81 fcyerishly
coisuming-that she is not quite h1rpy unless
she IL reforming some one. For many years |
pursued the policy Of taking ON n new habit rs
soon Ms she had reformed M" from an old one.
fnr ] could not hear to think of bprothca being
Tcnied an outlet for her Righteousness 1t seemed
t. me that II would he a cruel thing if l'orothci
Should ever find herself without material to work
upon. So. Ms l said. I clung to the tobacco habit
In spite Of everything. I let other habits come
ard GO as they would: hut I established the to-
baccO habit as n permancncy, so that never by any
possibility would Dorothea find herself out of an
occupation.
Alas! My kindness was mistaken!
But to my story-to my tale If why I would
now quit even the tobacco habit. if | could.
We had u hog. An innocent little Dog. H.
was refined. He was spiritual. II" had brown
eyes. He was affccii"nal".
He WAS perfect. He was all that ! should have
beeu. lie was all that the world should hav"
been. IL Dorothca had been able to do as She liked
with IL.
Failing TO make me perfect. failing To maxi.
the world perfect. Dorothea had achieved Irrfec-
ton in this bog.
Often she has said 10 me: "rhilanlcr Temp
The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1916-02-27

hacco In order that she would have some one 10
reform within reach.
! even, after the death If Wally, added another
habit or two. But the grief witch | have suffered
secretly ! can bear no longer. l will sign the
pledge.
Alas! porothca has No idea of tho sacrifices
which ! make for her sake. She has no idea
how many habits, habits | hate. I have taken I'D
that She might have something tangible 10 work
on.
once | told her So.
'l'rut"'' was her only answer.
The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1916-02-27
THE HABIT OF KNOWING WHAT
IS GOING ON.
THE habit Of knowing what Is going on Is
rapidly becoming an obsession with most
people. II grows by what It feeds upon.

NhE nAnlt or KNOWING Wnat il GONG on Is
rapidly becoming an obsession with most
people. II grows by what It feeds upon.
There was a time when one mans news was
another mans poison. Now everybody reads
the news. and inasmuch as the human system
has been able to adapt itself to the deadliest
poiSons, 50 it has adapted itself to the habit OF
knowing what Is going on.
There was Y man once who thought he would
stop this habit. He began first by emitting the
maj zines. That wasn't 50 hard. After a while
he got so that he read only one newspaper. He
had gone through the various stages. looping
on little by little his source Of daily information
until he got down to one paper. Then with q
supreme effort he discarded that.
he couldn't talk tn his friends because their
conversation was made up If differences and
slerulations Of what was going TO happen to-
morrow. based on what they had read that
morning. IL" could not discuss tho question NJ
government because he had no editorial page
To guide him,
Later they took him to a private sanitartum.
He IL still there a. q warning to the world.
The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1916-02-27

country club. That woman'S eyes Will haunt mo
her breath will minglc with mine: there viii bc
scnsioiis music, such rs they have now in nl.n.
dance ut all country clubs. God help me-: now
am . 70 resist"
The effect upon Myrtle TcaScly was in,'an,
She folded him in her arms.
"\pvcr fear. Harold she said. This is tho
The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1916-02-27

fNotc: This column is n helpful department
for all those VIII" ,,r" interested in love In all
Of It's forms, OSCILLATIONS. yearningS.
courtships-in fact everything dealing with the
only subject in life that is worth thinking or
talking about.)
A RE sofa. becoming more rillcirut: The sofa
~ beautiful came int" rs" IN 'lr year 1907.
II may h" doubted. loW,' cr, whether any
real progress has been made toward producing
that ease and certainty of courtShip which pre-
vailed during The hOrsrlInlr l,crio1.
In these days Of publicity the sofa Is having
Q hard time Of IL. Surrounded ny telephones and
obstructing the main channel for incoming and
outgoing servants. two people on a sofa are Singh
larly handicapped.
Sofas should be placed under Government con-
troll. in order TO produce that privacy 30 sadly
needed to preserve the future Of the State. Every
sofa is entitled to life. liberty and the pursuit Of
lovers.
Made in Heaven.
THE m"'lcrn young woman g.,zcd critically at
the modern Young man.
YOU are sure" she sail. THAT YOU wish
t. marry me- Nothing could alter your de.
ci>i"n:"
Nothing"
I'm ease should accept YOU would YOU he will
ing Ia fiji IN NJ amy Tim" n one Of my dinner or
bridge parties mean of course when ! really
need som" one
Il should h. delighted"
''' '''f - NV "" 49, """s
~ The summer i'm" and spend rs much money as
please N amy place which my fancy dictates:"
"lrr,alnly."
In ease should desire to roam over Europe
Dlol" You would HAY" No "'lerllons:'
"\uIlc Whatever"
"lt i necessary for rc in order to maintain
my position in metropolitan clrcles Ia become
bAsi"ri"nl over all Tie latc>, fuu,. This means
~ will probably l"N" literary freaks.
r"lrmiHn Representatives, >nIrngc,tc caucuses and
other higllhroW functions in our house mt any
time. You would welcome all Of these, would
.Ouf"
with open arms. for Your sake"
~ shall Of course have to indulge in the latest
aud >innrt"St effects IN clothes. no matter what
the extremes may lead to. trust that this
would not disturb your serenity or make you OK
lt">> ~ ANY NnA my feeling OF >liImct'
lni"'~~H'i"' \wu 'HII - rs far rs You like
'%rl!l"~" 't,H' -lnui,l lm.,mr "ug.N1culIv ia.
Cliu"l;"
IL W"Uii he ny great pleasure To- praise ,our
Efforts
The young woman moved n triHe nearer.
The daily star-mirror. (Moscow, Idaho) 1911-1939, 1916-11-03
Editorial
You Are the Goat

A suit brought against the county commissioners
restrain them from continuing their old practice of vio
atng the law by supporting general road work by special
road taxes
In the supreme court they found guilty of having
violated the law and mandate issued by the court
ordering them levy sufficient general road sup
port the general road work required by law. The
issoners admitted that they paid for general road work
Of special taxes, which is illegal.
They make claim that they did any special road
work in 1915 and they publish statement saying that they
spent $40 4943 the road $780, 6938 raised by spe
ca road and $2O 324o8 by general road If there
any income from other in 1916, there should
have been about the income from the
in 1915 nothing but road need be considered.
They testified in court that there outstanding
paid claims of $4,000 $4,000 against the roads in add
ton $12,06437 of registered Notwithstanding
their boast that they have kept the county absolutely free
from debt
How the $4,000 general road levied for 1916
pay off debt of to $4,000 and keep up the roads,
which the commissioners claim cost S49 4o436 last year?
The commissioners did not obey the order of the
pree court and the did 1916 road
leves The accepted their plea of ignorance
They adjudged gutess of wrongdoing but only
of INTENT to do wrong
They have not complied with the courts order They
have corrected their absurdy wrong evies But
they have attempted to make you believe the endors
ed them. You pay the tax, and you the goat for
Woody Lyon, Oversm, and the specially favored rich
men and corporations that back them
The daily star-mirror. (Moscow, Idaho) 1911-1939, 1916-11-03
AVIATOR BREAKS
NONSTOP RECORD
TRAVELS DISTANCE OF $50 MILES
WITHOUT STOP-AVERAGES
11O MILES PER HOUR
Actual Flying Time Between Chicago
and New York Eight Hours and
81 Minutes

NEW YORK, Nov. 3.--Aviator Vic
tor Carlstrom, who endeavored to
make a nonstop trip between Chica-
go and New York, and broke the
worlds nonstop record by making
450 miles yesterday afternoon, arrived
at Governors Island this morning at
8.55.
Carlstrom's actual flying time was
eight hours and 81 minutes, an aver
age of 110 miles per hour.
The distance between Cleveland and
Erie was covered in so minutes yes
terday afternoon when the aviator
made a rush for Erie to reach a re-
pair shop when a pipe became loose
on the engine.
Another minor stop was made at
for repairs.
The daily star-mirror. (Moscow, Idaho) 1911-1939, 1916-11-03
SHACKLETON OFF
ON RESCUE TRIP
ANTARTIC EXPLORER ON WAY TO
JOIN EXPEDITION TO RESCUE
FORMER COMPANIONS
Will Join British Army After Return
if War COntinues-Then to
Resume Explorations

NEW ORLEANS, Nov. 3.-Sir Ernest
Shackleton, explorer, arrived from
Colon on board the steamer Parismina.
New Orleans is the first English
speaking community Shackleton has
visited since he started to the south
pole two years ago. He left here i'm
en- route for San Francisco,
whence he sails for New Zealand to
join the Aurora expedition in an at
tempt to rescue ten companions ma
rooned in the Ross sea.
"I will return to England after the
said Mr.. Shackleton.
II propose to enlist and fight
until the end If | survive the
war, intend to resume exploring.
may try again to cross the south
polar continent. My first two con-
will be to rescue my COM
panions and to help Britain win"
The daily star-mirror. (Moscow, Idaho) 1911-1939, 1916-11-03
SENATOR BORAH
RESUMES TOUR
IDAHO SENATOR SUFFICIENTLY
RECOVERED FROM ILLNESS
TO RE.ENTER CAMPAIGN
Leaves Fond du Lac, Wis.,, For Ohio
to Campaign For Republican Ma
tiOnal Ticket

BOISE, Nov 3-Senator Borah, who
became ill while on a speaking tour
in the middle west in the interests OF
the national republican ticket, and
was compelled to end his tour at Fond
du Lac, Wis, has recovered and is now
on his way to Ohio to resume the cam
paign, an announcement received here
today states.
The wires have been kept hot the
Fast few days between various Idaho
points and the idaho republican head
quarters in an effort to secure the
services of Senator Borah for few
speeches during the closing days OF
the campaign, but on account of the
delay caused by his illness it will be
impossible for the senator to return
to this state.
This is disappointing as appeals by
Evan Evans, state chairman, to re-
publican national headquarters were
apparently having some effect at the
time, the senator was taken i'll.
The daily star-mirror. (Moscow, Idaho) 1911-1939, 1916-11-03
CLOSES RECORD CAMPAIGN
Hughes Travelled $4,000 Miles, Made
: SEQ Speeches, And Addressed 2,000,-
600 People

HUDSON, NJ Y, Nov. 3.-Candidate
Hughes reaches New York tonight. He
has travelled 10000 miles in campaign
ing. He has made 500 speeches and
uttered 100000 words in political
argument. He addressed a big crowd
at Hudson. He emphasized the nee
essity of fighting European trade riv-
airy after the war. He called the
democratic promises castles in air"
and declared that business needed
stabilizing.
The daily star-mirror. (Moscow, Idaho) 1911-1939, 1916-11-03
IDAHO RALLYOTO
BE HELD TONIGHT
STUDENTS re STIMULATE EN-
THUSIASM In ONE GREAT
PRE-GAME EVENT
Bonfire Will be Feature of Stupendu-
Gus, Gorgeous, Wild DemOnstra-
tiSn Of Idaho Pep

The enthusiasm that has been dis
turbing classes and causing the wild
Idaho football fans to set the uni
versity fire bell ringing every time
they thought about what they want
to do to Pullman tomorrow will come
to one great big climax tonight when
Yellmaster Hawley gets the bunch to-
gether around big bonfire for
grand rally.
Stupenduous, gorgeous, exhilirsting,
wild, and monster demonstrations are
some of the terms that might apply
weakly to what the classmen expect
to put on.
The freshmen have gathered enough
material totmake a life-size blaze. one
that will make a fellows spine feel
like mice are walking on it if he hap
pens to see it and forgets what the oc-
casion is.
Citizens should remember to pue
their nerves on high key tonight ana
be prepared. There is going to be
some noise and local merchants may
expect a run on cotton bats for pro-
tecting ears that can't stand any rae
ket louder than two boiler factories
working on war orders.