Connecticut western news., 1916-01-13
Ford's Peace Gas.

and peace gas pacifieTs have put eile al over Europe. People here in thi' country did not know what Ford really had up his sleeve Now it develops that lie had discovered how to masu fracture what he calls peace gas. war ranted to make peace wherever bag Oa it explodes. From what materials this strange gas is manufactured, only the Lord and Fcld knows; Ford'll un doubtedly make a littIe money out of it, but I don't know about the Lord.
 We'll, this peace ship of tord's was rightly named, for in the hold there were hundreds or tons Cf gas bags piled up. of all sizes. each 0ne filed with peace gas Then there were boxes of ] 'en packed with FOrd's peace pacificers l that are so contrived that ,sS the thing is put ill the mouth-e2~ctly like Il baby pacitier they are-thc person be. ings to suck ill peace gas instead of wind, as does baby.
 These peace gas pacitiers are designed 1 chiefly for women and children. and 1 babies and all the shot to pieces, blinded, and face distorted soldiers who are responsible for the war and still hollerin' for more war.
 Of course the Kaiser will suck one of these pacificers just to set his, turbulent war crazy women, and the few men who went to fight, a good example. Kitchener, Lloyd George, Asquith and all the French and other leaders will also suck these pacitiers, so as to in duce the war loving people to do the same.
 You see, Ford's method is this. After landing and unloading his peace cargo, he had ready fleet of Ford air ships, and each of these ships was loaded to capacity with peace gas bags. At a certain altitude these bags are dropped over cities, fighting armies, and i'll the trenches, and as they descend they swell up till they burst, and the gas escapes, diffusing an at mosepher of inetfable calm and peace for thousands of miles. Millions of these bags are to be dropped all over Europe Ford Says he'll do it if it takes a tooth
 The latest dispatches say, this peace gas business works like a charm: the soldiers stop fighting as if all had been suddenly paralyzed. Then the Allies and the Germans rush together and fall upon each others necks. It is mar vellous. so they say.
 The Kaiser sucks his peace gags pacitier at home, and weeks profusely, thanking God that peace has come at last, for he always hated war like pizen. The pacitiers are distributed by Ford's peace army, everywhere. Sometimes they are sown broadcast like wild, or tame, oats, from the air. ships. Fighting women and children pick them up, and become sick of war instantly. They say it's remarkable the way it affects the belligerent ele- ments of the old world, women, child ren of old people and babies, also all the war cripples. They say all Europe will soon be sucking these peace paci- tiers and will become a united nation of suckers, Ford gas suckers, as it were. The only danger is that the peace gas may prove too strong and will leave the people of Europe too Inert and laZlly peaceful
 Then it is to be feared America, under the leadership of those two war crazy belligerents, Wilson and Bryan, will butt i'll with their prepared gas and do Europe all up. This prepared gas, or gas of preparation as it is called in the drug stores, is another discovery (of Bryan's we believe) of note, but as yet the supply is limited exclusively to the halls of oratory. Congress, Woman Suffrage and Wilson's boudoir. There ain't enough prepared gas manufactured ill this country as yet to do mite ot hurt to the peace gas stupefied people of Europe, andRoosevelt will probably stop the furhter manufacture of it any way. He, too, hates war like pizen the same as the Kaiser.
 They say q can't say that it's true) that Ford induced President Wilson to put one of the peace pacifiers in his mouth, and Ford slyly bust open a small bag of peace gas, and as Wilson unconsciously drew ill the gas, all the fight died right out of him inside of ten minutes.
 The same trick was played on Bryan, and few belligerent suffragist leaders, also antis, and the change was simply remarkable. They became as lambs, especially Bryan, the chief fightin' cock of America. They say he just bawled to lie down with the lions! I forgot to say that Ford's peace gas army has adopted a beautiful and symbolic COS. tune, which consists of simple COS. tune, which consists of simple tunic of woven olive branches, and necklace of pickled olives. Ford is distin- guished from his cohorts by wearing a white marble dove thrust into the coils of his hair.
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 Willis-Is your church going to send