Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1916-12-29

QudITGLIuS Will Midi Tia Is
"A more fun than agreeing
with the boss when he wants to raise
my salary. When think of what my
life might have been without having
her with me to wade into me every
night and assault me with her entire
large and well-choSen vocabulary while
trying to persuade me to revise my
language and squeeze the hot air out
of it or to stop holding Peter Ether
bridge Simmons, Jr., up by one leg or
to admit that / am entirely wrong in
my claims concerning the weight of
Queen Anne, hold up my hands and
bless SiwaSh college, which gave her
to me.
Quarreling with Martha is more ex-
hilarating than shooting the chutes.
And it's a perfectly harmless pastime.
I've Quarreled with her for about eight
years now-three of them in SiWash
and five more since then, and as far
as l remember we have never settled
a single quarrel or quarreled over a
subject that was worth settling. / am
very proud of our system. Sometimes
I think we ought to patent it. No mat
ter what really want to quarrel with
her about, or no matter what reason
she has for locking up The Hague tri-
bunal and calling out her reserves
against me, we always quarrel about
En- glish history. It's bully idea. You
TeaM put all the enthusiasm and la
basco you please into the discussion,
but you never get anywhere most
: especially you don't get around to
what you would really like to quarrel
about. That's why all of our Quarrels
together have never PANIED out drop
of brine. If l ever made Martha cry,
/ think / should go out to Lincoln Park
and feed myself to the lions.
suppose we choose English history
to row about because it was English
history which first brought us together
when was bowling young nuisance
at Siwash and she was compendium
of useful information with a twinkle
in her talk. l got acquainted because
of English history-don't tell me a
college education hasn't it's advan-
tageS. And most Of our quarrels end
up with a discussion as to when /
fell in love with her. She maintains
that it took three years of steady eff
fort on her part to land me. / claim
that it was a case of love at first
sight; that she won me by declining
to become acquainted with me, and
that long after 1 was her slave she
tried to give me away to fat girl
who wore No. 9 shoes. She always
shudders at this, and so do I. It
wasn't a pleasant experience for me.
Martha and I went through college
practically hand in hand, and only
parted long enough afterward to en-
able me to sandbag a Chicago bank
into paying me living salary. But
there was time-in my freshman
year-when if
Oh, well, for that matter, the whole
affair is full of ifs. IF I had gotten
as mad as I should have gotten at
her indifference-if / hadn't taken up
study to amuse myself that spring; if
l hadn't seen that Martha's hair would
be beautiful if she f1uffed it up instead
of tying it in a hard knot that pulled
her eyebrows out Of shape; and, most
particularly, if / hadn't gotten ire
fYnendous crouch in the spring of my
freshman year, never would have
gotten Martha. It's fun to figure out
all the ifs. Think of winning a wife
by getting an acute case of dark blue
collywabbles! If that wasn't top
heavy reward for foolishness, I'll give
it up.
Now, I am not going to tell it all,
because, while I'm perfectly willing to
discuss other peoples love affairs I
simply can't seem to care to take the
lid off and let the world peer into ours.
How persuaded Martha to look upon
me as a pleasant diversion, and how
Z persuaded her to come down about
a thousand miles and decorate exist
ence for me-those are secrets. But l
don't mind telling you how it all start
ed. After all, that's the important
part of these college affairs. It's just
like rolling a SNOWFALL down hill-start
It and you don't have to worry about
It. 1t will take care Of itself. That's
all 1 really did about falling in love
with Martha. I started The affair; but
Z didn't mean a thing by it, either.
Neither did she mean anything. In
TACT, she was a lot meaner than /
about it.
1t was the calendar that really be-
gan it all. One of the most mysteri-
Gus things in college life is the way
the year slips by under you and goes
away before you are half through with
it. This never failed to surprise and
grieve me. A year is such confollnd-
eddy long affair when you look it in
the particularly college year.
When you consider, along in Septem-
Der, that before June you have to go
TO chapel 200 times, read through sew
eral books written in decayed Ian
guages, and figure out a chubby vol
ume Of trigonometry problems that
look like airplane wrecks when they