davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Lakeland evening telegram. (Lakeland, Fla.) 1911-1922, 1916-04-22

Americans drink much more water
chan do the people Of Great Britaso.
The Lakeland evening telegram. (Lakeland, Fla.) 1911-1922, 1916-04-22

Huyp-What wonderful expression
and what a voice.
Bollister-It amt bad, judges tell
me. I'm not musical myself, but |
know the money I've spent on her mu-
steal education ought to bring some re-
turns.
The Lakeland evening telegram. (Lakeland, Fla.) 1911-1922, 1916-04-22

Mrs. Somerville Brown-Well' it isn't
often one hears anything like that
should think you would be proud Of
her. Mrs. BOLSTER
Mrs Bollister-I am.
The Lakeland evening telegram. (Lakeland, Fla.) 1911-1922, 1916-04-22
NEW CURE FOR RHEUMATISM

Copyright. 1916 by w. G. Chapman)
The sun., 1916-11-19
WARE THE AUTO GYP

4 NEW type OF bunco s~teerer.
~ whom the police call an auto
mobile gyT, lately has spread
through many of the larger cities and
Is doing a profitable business-proht-
able for him at least. sven II d!sas-
trous 10 his victims. He Ia a direct
product Of the motor & through
which American civilization Is passing.
and as the use Of motor ears and
trucks bids fair to increase indefinitely
police authorities are exerting every
effort to put the gyp out Of existence.
The auto gyp is a logical develop
ment from the horse gyp who for
merry waxed and grew fat as well as
rich from too connding customers.
While no American city. wen New
York. has more than a few horse mar
kets. almost all OF tho big towns have
many dealers IN horses. and among
these were the professional gyps.
Their method was to insert catchy ad-
vertisements in newspapers. worded
like those OF reputable dealers. an
~nouncing the arrival at their stables
OF a large shipment OF desirable horses
to he sold at once Intending pur-
chasers OF horsefiesh who live in sub
urban towns and rural communities
would see the advertisements and In
stead OF seeking tho animals they
needed in regular horse markets they
would visit the INSCRIPTIONS dealers
and usually be swindled.
Nowadays. however. horse gyping is
a poor game compared with auto gyp-
ing. The gyp stands . chance of
making two or three times as much
from selling a motor car as from sell.
Ing q horse; also It Is easier to sell ar
automobile under false representation,
and escape punishment. becaus
motors are neither lame nor shor
winded, nor vicious. Most. important
OF all. the gyp can always hide behint
the excuse that It requires a good me
chanic to understand the engine. &c
, OF an auto, while he is merely
dealer, a merchant. and does not pre-
tend to possess the expert knowledg
Of a ~mechanician.
Tho auto gyp has two ways o
swindling victims. lie advcrtises il
the newspapers that he has a goo,
5 market for second hand cars and GA,
easily sell yours il you let him have II
You are tired of your motor and woul
| DO glad to dispose OF It. 80 you TAX
It to the garage advertised and leav
. Il there with Instructions TO sell a
a certain figure. within a few day
The sun., 1916-11-19

you receive word that tho dealer has
secured IA good purchaser who can
afford TO pay only 500 or 500 in cash.
but will give promissory notes for the
remainder of the purchase price. The
gyp usually says that he knows the
purchaser to be IA man Of good finan-
c!al standing and often offers to in
dorse his notes. II you want 10 sell
the car very badly you arc only too
glad TO accept this offer: but the only
money YOU ever receive is the initial
cash payment. Neither the maker nor
the indorser OF the notes is responsible,
and a Judgment agains. them IL in
variahly uncollectiblc.
After the gyp has acquired a few
machines in this way he sets out TO
sell them at very low prices. Needless
10 say. no could afford to do so, but ne
seldom is satisfied with the money he
receives from such n sale. After get
ting the money he conceives n new
scheme for holding on to the money
md the machine he has sold as well.
An easy and favorite method OF doing
this Is to sell for about 5000 a car
which II really worth 81 900.
The purchaser. delighted with his
bargain. wants TO take tho machine
with him. but the gyp offers to SEND
one OF his own chauffeurs and to give
the new owner a demonstration. SO
tho purchaser starts with the gyms
accomplice at the wheel. Before they
have gone more than a short distance.
however. the accomplice purposely
stalls the engine and says there 10
something the matter with It. lie
volunteers to take it back to the
garage (the gyp's place of business)
and bring II TO the new purchaser the
following day. When the car falls to
arrive the new owner makes complaint
TO tho gyp, who says no turned the
machine over to a m~echanician for re-
pairs, and that the bill for same
amounts to several hundred dollars.
Naturally a wrangle ensucs. which as
a result ends In a lawsuit, as tho me-
chanic claims a lien on the car. In
nine cases out OF ten the purchaser
of the car loses his money and his car
too. Unfortunately many such swim
dies dcfraud small tradcsmen and
others who cannot afford TO fight In
court and do not know how to insti-
tute criminal proceedings against the
gyps. II is said that hundreds OF
auto Gyps arc operating In one section
OF New Yor,, city alone, and that prac'
ticnlly every largo city has It's share
of tho gentry.
The situation has become SO serious
In New York that Judge Swami. tn
District Attorney. has organized a spc'
cial bureau and has set aside some o
his ablest assistants to try to breal
It up. Judge Swami recently issued
warning to those looking for secon,
|, hand cars. In which he advises careful
} investigation OF a dealer before al
automobile IL either left for sale o
purchased,
The sun., 1916-11-19

rush straight to the jewellers to have
II appraised, and when shc finds out
tho subtcrfuge shc will DO M pleased
A a hen In n rainstorm. Better a
smaller size. first water.
Young WOmen-Don't pick out 4
gold cigar cutter for tho n man
unjess he smokes cigars. And even
II he does he already has . collection
such as would constitute him . 1T
rival for Tiffanys-unlcss he passed
them along to his mon friends the
following year. A cigar cutter seems
TO b tho feminine idea Of the epitoms
Of Christmas Joy.
Don't burden him Min another BIN
fold or wallet He has them (stowed
Away) IN every Size. shape .and con-
dition Of monogram. He will remain
loyal to the scuffy, ragged. disreputable
leather he has been carrying on his hip
for years. No changing him on this
point.
Don't--and this Is important-give
him military brushes. Since he ha:
been old enough to part his hair in the
middle he has been lodging them. I'll.
supply ranges from ivory with forget.
me-nots painted on tho back TO rsa
tortoise shell. He uses an old pail
with plain wooden backs his mothel
bought for him when he was in col
lege. They aren't much OF looks bu'
they are great on brush.
Don't hand him a travelling cas-,
unless he Is a professional traveller
| His idea Of equipment Is probably {
tooth brush. a comb-Pullman ca
model-and a safety razor stuffed
down in the side pocket Of his bag.
Don't send him an easy chair un
less he has already proposed. II 20,
crowd him that way he may get scarce
and never come back.
Don't bother knitting him a silk lie
The poor boy will feel in duty bcun'
TO wear It. and gracious knows II 1
hard enough for a young man to max
his way in the world now without Civ
ing him any such handicap.
Uusbands-Do not present you
wife with a hunting rife when sh
enjoys your skill as a huntsman, bu
she never fired a gun In her life an
II Is liable 10 he n long. cold winter.
Don't give her n carving set unles
you are certain she is not wearing ne
last yoar's suit. Every like
to look we'll. A carving set Is nc
much OF a help sartorially.
Don't bring her a foolish a A fo
the mantel shelf when she has bee
The sun., 1916-11-19

uws she produces . rectangular
something built Of bilious yellow satin
with 4 facade Of far from silk lace. A
ribbon rosetts In an of shade Of pink
tackled to one corner OF the thing
merely adds insult to injury.
isn't II sweet?" coos the counter
siren. What good fortune. she asks
herself. svsr blew this boob her way?
And Just when she had deapaired Of
evsr unloading the thing even on 4
blind man.
'What 10 ~" ventures r. Husband.
"A glove box. 30 useful. Every
lady wants . glove box on her dress
Ing table. Then. too. It IL such q
beauty. Think how II would brighten
up q room"
The siren eaxes at the yellow peril
and sighs. The sigh says Just "a
plainly a. words: II wish I had a
husband or Q sweetheart who thought
enough of me to buy mo q gift like
that"
How much?" grunts husband
weakening under the sigh.
"Only SASS. 1t was SIS. but w
marked II down. Not all men arc SC
generous with their womenfolk. 1t Il
a real bargain. I know your friend
will be wild about II. Take II or send
~"
Take IT," And he does. with the
expansive feeling Of a man who Is
carrying homo to his family the can.
celled mortgage on the old homestead
The siren was right. The wife Il
wild about the glove box. she is q
wild about II that II takes a whole
bottle Of smelling salts. two doses Of
aromatic spirits Of ammonia and sew.
The sun., 1916-11-19

from tho ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
fessorial ladder. In 1894 he was es-
tablished at Flagstaff. In 1895 ap-
peared the first book IN Mars with his
thesis fully announced. though most
of the substantiating discoveries came
ten years later. including tho vital
and violently disputed one OF the
existence OF water on the planet.
Not least OF his sins against science.
perhaps. was the Independent private
means that enabled him to provide and
maintain his own observatory and to
send expeditions to far vantage points
in Africa and the Andes. Allowing for
human nature, II would not be strange
IL the less fortunate astronomer boil
ing the pot In the classroom day by
day betrayed a special constituencies to
the ethics OF one thus favored.
His exit from the Harvard faculty
in 1909 with laconic disclaimers made
The sun., 1916-11-19

DO 1t Now!" He Says, Meaning That Christmas Shopping You We
Putting Off Till Tomorrow, and Thus Avoid the Trbula'
tons Incident to the High Speed of Giving

with no thought Of Tomorrow battle
in the shopping trenches. Santa Claus
has compiled Q list Of "Don'ts." Give
them serious attention. They IN born
Of bitter experience.
Young MeA-Don't buy your one
best bet q manicure set. Every beau
she has had for the last i've years
began with y Of those silver sets Of
seventeen pieces done up IN . plush
box. They are the bunk, those sets.
The handles come Of without the
slightest effort. Tho nail hle 10 %
stiff It 10 only good to dig corks out
Of bottles. The buffer " BUNS and
the scissors are 30 dull they will not
cut through a ripe banana. What the
remainder of the implements are for
only the maker knows and he does not
dare tell. She has q half dozen such
sets packed away In the discard. What
she really uses IL a common or garden
| variety Is cent file. an orange wood
| stick at two for a nickel, q cake Of
| polish and the palm Of her hand.
Don't give her a set Of opera glasSei
unless you expect to make good on
the promise implied. She probably
does moi enjoy gazing into the Window
Of the house across the street. Having
opera glasses and M opera is In a
line with being all dressed up and nc
place to go.
Don't give her an opulent frame
containing your picture. BY so doins
you are preparing an attractive back
---..- g. ANl
create their environment.
Do not give her q large diamond
with a flaw in Il. Be assured she viii
The sun., 1916-11-19

guments required the older theory OF
Laplace. lie answers mathematics
with mathematics. and states his Sc
rene conclusion that the Chamberlain
theory won't work."
1t must have been as much his way
of writing as his ideas that made his
books infuriating to professors Of a
certain kind. II gracile and limpid
style, always comprehensive to the
layman. were the earmark OF the
charlatan. a good many illuStrious ears
would be marked-practically all the
F'renchmen and William James. But
DIR. LOwell's style IL more. always con-
sciously picturesque. often passional.
occasionally quaint with an agreeable
eccentricity. It suggests a poet lost, a
joint artistic inheritance with his sis
ter. Amy Lowell. the exceedingly sub
tie artist In words who Is leading the
free verse cohorts.
And his name Is debonair and
sometimes gently playful. as when he
varies an intricate lecture to the
students of the Massachusetts Insti-
tute OF Technology by assuring them
gravely that "the ancients were I'M
fortunate in their choice of planetary
cognomens. With Mars SO peaceful,
Jupiter so young and Venus BASH
fully draped in cloud. the planets
names accord but Ill with their tenn
peraments." The astronomer who
could do that was bound to scandalize
the Magi.
lie believed no had found a peopled
~world-and the md made him boy
ishly rapturous. Heterodoxy most
foul; professional ethics dragged In
the star dust OF the Milky Way! ITO
Prof. William Storey. sometime OF
Flagstaff himself. this news from a
neighbor IL inscribed" The news
from a neighbor ia Lowell's first book
on Mars.
For all his stern ana rock bound
lineage, It is distinctly a cosmopolitan
q somewhat Gallo figure. that appears
to us in his portraits and the charac-
t~erizations Of his friends. Photo
graphs give him a lne narrow fore
head like C@sar's, large eyes piercint
and challenging. a sensitive nose ant
a nervous, mobile mouth with Z
jaunty mustache. He was tall and
distinguished, elegant in dress, con
, spicuous in any scientific gathering
and even those who fought mis- idea
attest to his unfailing poise ant
charm.
J He maintained the attitude of Al
inductive ~reasoner. collecting his fact.
before drawing his conclusions. blu
{ the chronology Of his publications ha
: supplied telling ammunition for tn,
y enemy. lie was a devoted soientis
= by q rather late election. Tho frs
= decade Of his career had been passe
h az . traveller. studying the arts an
0 the social customs OF the Orient.
o When no came homo in 1898 h
= seems abruptly At - to have turns
Q Astronomical authority hidsousl
!. Unconventional procecdinE viewe'
The sun., 1916-11-19

passion for knowledge Of Mars. Pend
ing their verdict n line OF intcrpreta-
ton may he suggested without con-
tempt of the court or disrcspcct for
the dead astronomer. There has been
seen in him an aesthetic. an intellectual
adventurcr and something OF n poet.
turned physical scientist by circum-
stances that must remain unknown
until his biographers furnish the docu-
ments on tho transition. To assume
that the fact OF being a poet inval!-
dates his conclusions would be wrong
As IA mere astronomer Poe would have
said he could not have reasoned at all.
Given scientific lore to feed upon, an
adventurous nature in youth is fasc!-
mated by the so-called scientific ro-
mances. The boys Of young Lowell's
brigade read Verne. The youths OF
to-day read tho tales of II. G. Wells.
Either would come to a tragic moment
where further cold know ,dge would
break the e~nchantmcnt down. The
Verne undersea boat Won't work: the
first men in the moon are asphyx!ated
or frozen; the Marian invaders can't
| get here. and II they could would
] Ni'''lalN I'l 81 ii''h Wv ti"h ~
terial contingencies unforeseen. Let
novel readers who have suffered such
/ Establishments conceive OF their rap
ture were they provided with marvels
equally thrilling that endured.
The bald admitted facts about Mars
IA mad half portion world. where
specks OF moons whizz low overhead
twice daily and terrestrial strength
could perform insane feats OF fifty
times terrestrial possibility - are
enough 10 start the dullest imagination
dreaming. Add 70 these properties, by
scientific research. an elaborate sys'
TEN OF irrigation bitches to fructif,
desert continents, and you have a con,
ception no poet would give up withou
n struggle.
In such a romance DR.. Lowell fount
himself. Testing II by every means II
his power, setting up a great telescope
where the atmospheric advantage
for space penetration" were idea
what must have been his ecstasy whel
every new fact disclosed fitted easily
with his handling. into his castle 4
Mars, instead OF bringing It's fabri
crashing about him.
There II stands. artfully ana mas
s,vely constructed. likely TO remain 70
years to come. No siege guns no
forged can raze II, The range is to
long, and the weapons Of the %survivin
defenders seem equal to tho ordnanc
Of their adversaries. Perhaps It ma
he the first building Of q great an
stable city Of interplanetary discover
les.
II SO. there Is surely no impertinenc
in the appealing fancy that the arch
tect may occupy It now--may be Twin
in Mars the romance he was livinI
millions Of miles away. when the corr
bral hemorrhage struck him down.
For on the personal side the sterne'
materialist could hardly find It In h
heart TO deny DR., Lowell opportuni'
after death to learn at last tho tru'
OF the red planet. or the most scornf
combater Of his thesis to wish tn
the truth, when learned, should diaal
point.
The sun., 1916-11-19

holiday with warm heart and open
hand Il has become tho fashion to BE-
rate the custom Of gift making. TO put
Of the privilege Of choosing sffts for
those we love and esteem until the
very last moment. then to elbow our
way from counter to counter. barking
at our fellow slackers, trampling each
other under foot and behaving like a
horde Of wild eyed pirates driven to
plumber at the point of the bayonet.
Each year Santa Claus watches the
milling Of the n mob at the
eleventh hour and sadly waggins his
head asks. Twill they ever Learnt"
A less jovial saint would grow dis
heartened and leave them to the re-
ward Of their own follies. But Santa
| Claus is long suffering and of INFINITE
kindness. 90 he allows them to grab
! frantically for the leftovers or the
shopworn. Then ne goes on hoping
against hope they will do better next
year.
Go to the shirt counter Of any one
Of the large shops late in the after.
noon Of the day before Christmas. You
will md gathered there the female Of
the manana species paving and pluns.
ing and fighting yer what 10 left OF
the holiday selection.
"Tn take that pattern there. the
white with the green stripes" shouts
one hysterical shopper. clutching the
arm OF a clerk and clinging desperate.
ly TO the desired pattern. Give mi
The sun., 1916-11-19

known astronomer. In scientific circles
Flagstaff was a storm centre OF pecu-
LARRY heated debate.
For years the great objection OF op-
ponents Of the theory was the lack OF
definite proof that water exists on
Mars. In 1904 DR.. Lowell announced
the detection OF water vapor by spec
trum analysis. 1t was retorted that
mosphere or the suns. and that a cli-
mate teeming with water vapor would
argue no need Of canals.
This objection, like every other. DR..
Lowell undertook to refute In great de-
tail. His last years were taken up with
defensive u%tterances. Occasionally he
could demolish an incautious opponent
outright, a. when he showed that the
thin Arizona atmosphere gave his tele-
scope a superior space penetration, on
setting the larger glasses OF the Yerkes
and Lick ob~servatories.
Nowhere for himself. but everywhere
for the Martians and their w~aterworks.
! did DR.. Lowell openly bid for a blazing
recognition. The crude thing EGO
tism" commonly means does o exist
1 Ill Ills Mlltllks. cbE WYNN Nv
to Schiaparelli, "the planetary Column
bus of a new world" whose priority n
the canal hypothesis he fully acknowl-
edged. But there can be no doub tha'
to his mind II S~chiaparelli was Column
bus he himself was at least Cabot.
And although no abuse upset his ur-
banity in rejoinder, 1t Is plain that he
feelingly classed himself among the
unhonored prophets.
Martin Luther" he wrote. "called
Copernicus an upstart astrologer and a
fool; succeeding ages held him the
greatest mind OF his day. Darwin
failed to convert a single member OIL
his generation, except two or three
personal friends" And he dwells or
the pathos OF Schiaparelli's solitary tot
and the neglect OF his contemporaries
Professors did call Or. Lowell a foo
In about so many words. Witness one
genial g%eologist:
ut IL not surprising that Mr.. Lowell
an astronomer, should have only a lay
mah's knowledge Of geology. but tina
he should attempt to discuss
the more dificult problems Of tina
|, science Ia astonishing ant
, disastrous. Ono cannot but recall tn
: adage that Fools rush In where angel
!. fear to tread"
Your geologlst 10 the hardest ham
mering angel In tho galaxy. unless 1t
YOUR mathematician. The latter snort
A OF "pseudo observation-disclosures
: upon q trusting public worl
for a certain notOriety. a brief but un
{ deserved credencs for his pet theories.
DIR. Lowell's replies in this particu
lar episode ignore the geoaogist alto
gether, disdaining to handy fools wit
4 him. They confins attention 70 tn
views Of the biggest antagonist. VII
a WINS Prof. Noulton Of the Chamberlain
Moulton planstssimal theory Of tn
solar systems osisin; Dr.. Lows''s ~
The sun., 1916-11-19

IAN out Of size Is. madam. Only
But you must have Il. You're
surs7 Well. then. give me that olain
blue In Is"
mo more plain blue"
The finish 10 n Of thoSS crimes
against color patterned after the candy
canes popular ut this season. When
father gets the bad news on Christmas
morning he looks - pleased - . man
with . out thumb. His attempts TO
smile Are positively painful. His
thanks ere Just ~ sincere - they
would be to the maj who brought him
the glad tidings about the bank
failure.
He knows he will have to wear the
atrocity At least once to keep from be.
Ing classed with the towards and In
CRATES, but he registers q secret re.
solve that when he doeW he will tell
the boys down at the Office that he Il
raying OF an election bet TO a friend
who has been abroad and who was I'm.
able until now to view his ignominy.
Likewise when friendly husband
happens to remember at Sis or
Christmas Owe that he has q wife and
that she will be tho original Mr.
Gloom all the following day unless he
comes over with a present. see hin
galloping to make good.
Bewildered by the glare and glitter
OF the nearest bazaar he timidly ap.
proacheo a counter. From a respect.
ful distance he gazes bcseechinglJ
across at the person In charge. Sht
Glimpscs him. The corners Of ne,
mouth turn upward In . smile OF sat
isfaction. She beckons him.
From behind the pile Of tinsel gew'