New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1916-08-11
UNFOLDING Umpires,
Why the Doors Were Closed
BY w. o. MCGEEHAN.-

The National League owners were
sitting in executive session. ut is
necessary that we take up the ques-
tion of the leagues umpiring," said
Governor Tener. Needless to say 1t
is an odious topic"-
The president is interrupted by a
loud and sustained kissing. Charlie
Ebbets turns purple in the face.
1--WE will first hear from Mr.. Schuy-
Ter P. Britton, of st. Louis, who will
tell US what his city has done toward
solving the umpire problem"
Mr.. Schuyler Britton rose and bowed
craciously Formerly we had a great
deal of trouble with our umpires," he
said. at seems that the people of
ST. Louis are impulsive and that they
would frequently hurl pop bottles at
the arbitrator. This not only marred
the afternoons sport, but it entailed
considerable expense upon the club.
You see, we were charged with every
bottle which happened to be broken in
contact with the umpire's head. In
ore afternoon forty-eight dollars
worth Of glass was broken on Bill
Byron's head.
Naturally, gentlemen. we could not
permit this sort of thing TO continue.
We hit upon the plan of selling pop
in iron containers. These vessels are
indestructible. The result is that the
spectators may indicate that they dis
egIee with the umpire without any ex-
pcnse to the club"
"Mr. Brtton's ingenuity should
greatly uplift the game which is so
Dear TO every American heart" began
the chairman. THE great American
game
"Of that old talk, Governor, it's near
feed time" chorused the magnates.
Every well. gentlemen" said the
Governor, Stiffly. ave will hear from
MIR. Haughton, of Harvard
81 am opposed to this disorganized
riding Of umpires." said Mr.. Haughton.
"Since | have assumed charge of the
Roston Braves we play the game on
the Harvard system. Whenever the
umpire decides against US our cheer
leader rises and gives the Braves yell,
Get your bats,
Cave his Stats.
Rah. Rah, Rah.
rordous. have known Bill Byron TO
stop singing when our players have
raised the cry. OF course, if the UNI
pire persists in the adverse decision we
beat him up. But not in the disor-
gained mob spirit which disgraces the
Great American Game. ! submit a petit
ton from ten thousand Boston fans
asking the National League to appro-
pirate the necessary funds to have the
leagues present umpirea quietly muir
Gered."
81 would like to suggest" put in
Harry Hampstead, of the Giants, that
few of our umpires are old enough.
believe that we have several on the pay
roll who can see as far as second base
| find upon investigation that most OF
the complaints are directed against
these men. | move that in future we
sign no umpires who are not totally
bind"
"An excellent suggestion" agreed
Governor Tener. "The umpire ..tua-
ton has become distressing indeed. The
question before the house, however, is
what shall we do with present UNI
/ pres"
Hang them" suggested Harry
Hampstead.
+ boil them in oil, Pennsylvania crude
o1,' said Magnate Baker, Of the City
of Brotherly Love.
Drown 'em in water" said Mr. Brit.
ton enormously.
"Spurn 'em, Burn 'em, Durn 'em
4 Rah. Rah, Rah," shouted Percy
/ Haughton, futtering crimson-bor
/ Gered handkerchief. Nothing is toe
| bad for the muckers."
VERY WE'LL" said the Governor. "But
ii the mean time we will hand out g
statement pledging ourselves to bacl
our umpires to the limit"