davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1916-09-03

at the sixteenth or the seventeenth!
decide on the sixteenth and frame my
lips to say Eighteen out, please" Gust
whv one should have to add the word
"out" to the number of the floor is not
clear. When you say eighteen" the OBJ
vious construction of the phrase is that
YOU want to get ont at the eighteenth
floor, not that you want to get IN there
or be let down through the flooring of
'the car at that point. However, you'll
find the most sophisticated elevator
riders, namely, messenger boys, always
adding the word "out," and it is well to
follow what the messenger boys do IN
such matters if you don't want to go
Wrong)
So there am, mouthing the phrase,
Eighteen out, please" as we shoot past
the tenth - eleventh - twelfth - thlr-
teenth floors. Then | begin to get
panicky. Supposing that | should forget
nv lines! Or that I should say them
too soonl Or too late! We are now at
the fifteenth floor. / clear my throat.
Sixteen Hoarsely murmur Eighteen
out" But at the same instant man
with cigar in his mouth bawls Seven
teen out :" and am not heard. The car
stops at seventeen, and step confiden-
TALLY up to the elevator man and repeat,
with an attempt at nonchalance, "Eigh-
teen out, please" But just as | say the
words the door clangs, drowning out my
request, and we shoot up again. | make
another attempt, but have become mar
ticulate and succeed only in making
noise like a man strangling. And by
this time we are at the twenty-first floor
with no relief in sight. Shattered, |
retire to the back of the car and ride
up to the roof and down again, trying to
look as if | worked in the building and
had to do it, however boresome it might
be. On the return trip | don't care
what the elevator man thinks of me, and
tell him at every floor that |, person.
ally, am going to get off at the eigh-
teenth, no matter what any one else III
the car does. l am dictatorial enough
when am riled. 1t is only in the open
ing rounds that hug the ropes.
My timidity when dealing with minor
officials strikes me first in my voice. i
have any number Of witnesses who will
sign statements to the effect that my
voice changed about twelve years ago,
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1916-09-03
"COFFEE MEGG AND ILK, PLEASE"

and they are putting the nets over the
caramels for the night. / know that.
I've gone through it too many times 10
be deceived.
For there is something about the real
ization that must shout out my order
ahead of some one else that absolutely
inhibits my shouting powers. / Will
stand against the counter, lingering my
ten-cent check and waiting for the clerk
to come near enough for me to tell him
what | want, while, in the mean time,
ten or a dozen people have edged up
next to me and given their orders, re-
ceived their drinks and gone away.
Every once in while catch a clerks
eve and lean forward murmuring Cot
fee"-but that is as far as get. Some
one else has showed his way in and
shouted. "Coca-Cola," and | draw back
to get out of the way of the vichy spray.
incidentally, the men who push their
way in and footfault on their orders
always ask for "Coca-Cola." Somehow
it seems like painting the lily for them
to order a nerve tOnlc.)
then decide that the thing for me
to do is to speak up loud and act brazen-
". So clear my throat, and, placing
both hands on the counter, emit what
promises to be perfect below: "COt-
FEE MEGG AND ILK." This makes
lust about the impression you'd. think
il would, both on my neighbors and the
clerk, especially as it is delivered in a
tone which ranges from rich barytone
to a rather rasping tenor. AT this
withdraw and go to the other end OF
the counter, where l can begin life over
again with a clean slate.
Here, perhaps, | am suddenly con-
fronted by an impatient clerk who IS IN
a perfect frenzy to grab my check and
tear it into bits to drop in his box.
whats yours?" he filings at me. L
Immediately lose my memory and for
get what it was that wanted. But
here is a man who has lot OF people
to wait on and who doubtless gets paid
according to the volume of business he
brings in. l have no right to interfere
with his work. There is a big man
edging his way beside me who is I'M
doubtedly going to shout "Coca-Cola" in
half second. SO beat him to it and
say "Coca-Cola," which is probably the
last drink in the store that l want to
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1916-09-03

buy. But it is the only thing that
can remember at the moment, in spit
of the fact that | have been thinkn,
all morning how good coffee egg aut
milk would taste. | suppose that on
Of the psychological principles Of i'd
vertising is to so hammer the name Q.
your product into the mind of the TIM.
buyer that when he is confronted by
brusque demand for an order ne can,
think of anything else to say, whethg
he wants it or not.
This dread of offending the minor d.
fetal or appearing to disadvantage h.
fore a clerk extends even to my takiv
nourishment. | don't think that hap
ever yet gone into restaurant and O.
dered exactly what wanted. If OF
the waiter would give me the card a..
let me alone for, say, fifteen minus
as he does when | want to get him d
bring me my check, l could work OK
a meal along the lines Of what Xix,
But when he stands over me, with dis
gust clearly registered on his face,
order the thing like least and considg
Ayself lucky to get out of it with q
little disgrace.
And yet l have no doubt that il or
could see him in his family life I'd
Workingman is just an ordinary persr
like the rest of us. He is probably mel
at all as we think of him in our dealing
with him-a harsh, dictatorial, intoleII
ant autocrat, but rather kindly SOU
who likes nothing better than to sit By
the fire with his children and read.
And he would probably be the frs'
person to scott at the idea that he coul.
brighten me.
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1916-09-03

There are about twice as many girls as ocl
in Thompsonville, and they look to me like
different race. They are quiet and sweet ~
seem rather sad Mr.. Harding says TN
aren't finer girls anywhere, and | believe h-
OF course | don't know them; | feel that al
wouldn't want to be acquainted with a man
a record like mine. 1t might spoil their chart1
though God knows what their chances ~
here. There is one know pretty We
l deliver vegetables at her house, and sps'l
a good deal more time talking to her than
necessary. She is very nice to me; she thir1
l would never have gone into trouble IL ~
had q good woman's influence. Maybe 50;
certainly don't feel very set up over my p1
life when I'm talking to her. She is favcn7
with Mr.. and Mrs. Harding. They have hlr@
that if / marry and settle down here I'd 81
their farm after they die. When 1t dawnH y
me they might be driving at something s'11
rather scared. Me married and settled GOVT
With my record, Pm not good enough AZ
besides, after a while might come to LOOK Z
Thompsonville as kind of life-term.
I'm still for prison reform, but IL seenS
me now that there is more need for reforms
the Thompsonvilles. Somebody like Tom u
borne ought to make his home in each OF ns'|
little old villages, let in the sun and sys'e1'
tie the work, and let loose few ideas for 4
young fellows to try their minds on. You y
never make very much Of a penitentiary. 1
best, the boys who come out will be raths
bad lot But place like Thompsonyille, VIE
everybody could have all the food and air
sun he needs, could be made into kind Of i'1
heaven, under its swaying treetops in the ~'
of the shining river.
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1916-09-03
FOCH, THE D'ARTAGNAN OF WA
Continued from Page one.

duty on General Foch's staff. The g.
eral glowered at the young officer lO'
minute and said:
Il have seen you before. On Octo"
IS, 1909, you dined at the house OF us-
eral de la Croix, in Paris. You sat
the far corner Of the table between
and Y" 4,
The order of the day in when v
Grand Cross of the Legion OF hO''
was conferred on him said:
"He has shown under all CRU
stances, both in defensive and oilelSD
operations, strategic ability wiIH''
parallel. Thanks to his indisputap's :.
thority and the adroitness OF his CIV,
sells. he has contributed in great - !,
to the coordination of the efforts o. !
Allied armies and thus has reho'
most eminent service to the nation
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1916-09-03

do with US after we had served our time. OF
course there were some fellows with funny
ideas, like Reddy Mcmahon, who thought the
Federal government ought to regulate the
locksmiths trade, so there wouldn't be so many
easy locks to tempt poor boys, and Shorty
Higgs, who argued that they ought to hang q
few pickpockets on the main street, as an ex-
ample to beginners. But there were lots OF
good ideas floating round the pententiary. We
knew pretty we'll what they do with our likes
in England and Sweden and Siberia and how
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1916-09-03
by Courtesy of 1.-The Nev Rebnbic')

the courts manage things in France and Italy,
and how the military settle their crooks.
Not that there isn't talking enough going on
down in the village. There is all the gossip you
care to hear, but it's dreadfully uninter-
esting if you haven't known the people all their
lives. The farmers come in every Saturday
and argue by the hour as to which are better,
Holstein or Shorthorn cattle, yellow-dent corn
or Great Southern White. They never get any
where with their arguments. Nobody listens to
any one but himself. Mr.. Harding is just as
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1916-09-03

TAILBIRDS have no cause to kick" That
is what the editor of "The Thompson
Vile Courier said TO me when l Of
fered to let his readers know how dead
Middle Western village seems to graduate
from an up-to-date penitentiary. 1t may be
that YOU feel the same way as the editor. When
l confess to four years behind me lin the SER
vice of the state" you'll be justified IN infer
ring that it was for something pretty crooked
| am twenty-three; so you may be sure my
lawyer played up my extreme youth to the best
of his ability. Also, l got the benefit of the
usual sentimentalism about neglected child
hood. the force of circumstances and social re-
sponsibility. When the judge slapped four
wears on me l felt / was getting off rather
easy. I'd been bad egg, and for all you know
I may still be a bad egg. l never was liar,
though, or a romancer. And so you can take
nv account of Thompsonville as something just
as near the truth as make it.
When YOU first strike Thompsonville, you
think it is the sweetest place in the world. 1t
is at the end of a branch line, and there is one
accommodation train every day except Sunday
For the rest of the time the old town can sleep,
for all anybody cares, in the bend Of its little
river, with deep pools where you catch the cat
fish with your hands, when the water is low
The streets are rooted over with the branches
of maple and sycamore trees. and the houses,
mostly one story, with bay windows and
kitchen ellis, stand in green twilight The
sun doesn't get into the town at all except on
Main Street. where the farm horses have
gnawed the bark off the trees in front of the
grocery stores and the blacksmith shop. The
ems and sycamores follow the highways out
into the country and down the lanes TO the
farm houses and barns, which they smother
with their branches. All the people here, ex-
cept those who have TO work in the fields, look
pale and pudgy like the boys in the peniten-
tiary in the days Of the cell system. There's
lot Of sickness here, too. a man from well
run penitentiary wouldn't dare 20 live in one Of
those dark, musty houses on River Street, or
even in one of the older farm houses. Fortu-
nately for me, my friend the philanthropist
who planted me here TO be redeemed got me
lob on a rather new farm near the village,
where the shade trees haven't had time 10 grow
very large. The sun gets into my windows in
the morning. IL might be there all day if the
farmers wife didn't come in as soon as | am
out at work and close the blinds and draw the
shades. Thompsonville hates the sun.
Ny employer, Mr.. Harding, is one Of the
best hearted men you ever saw, and don't
kelisys tAAxs is kinder woman in the world
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1916-09-03

and that in ordinary conversation my
tone, if not especially virile, is at least
consistent and even. But when, for in
stance, l give an order at soda foun-
tain, if the clerk overawes me at all, NY
voice breaks into a yodel that makes the
phrase coffee egg and milk" pretty
snatch of song, but practically worth
less as an order.
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1916-09-03
ILLUSTRATION by Brown .Brcs.)

If the soda counter is lined with GUS
toners and the clerks so busy tearing
up checks and dropping them into the
toy banks that they seem to resent any
call on their drink-mixing abilities, l
might just as well save time and go
home and shake up an egg and milk for
myself for | shall not be waited on
until every one else has left the counter
The evening herald. (Klamath Falls, Or.) 1906-1942, 1916-12-04
Ducks Waddle to
Washington Last Time

that they won't stand with the hard
shelled republicans unless the lining
up Is done on their side of the street.
The house, by grace Of the chang
ing favor of the country. lost It's two
most picturesque members and gained
another. who bids fair to surpass In
popular interest any on record.
Cyclone Davis. foe OF rum and
preparedness and friend OF prohibi-
tIon and flannel shirts. will make
room for another democrat from
Texas-Da T.. Garrett. Davis.
with flowing whiskers and converca-
ti0n. gained measure OF fame when
in the Congressional Record he stated
he was not collar" democrat. and
when in the house proper he later
confessed he had fallen victim to the
gay and festive necktie. He says
booze and boodle'' defeated him.
alfalfa Bill" Murray OF Oklahoma.
who jumped lightly into the gallery
OF immortals when at the Baltimore
convention. asked how the Oklahoma
delegation stood. he replied: I'VE
stand as unit; separately" will be
succeeded by T. d. McKeown. demo-
crat.
But the houses taste for the pic
turesque win be appeased with Miss
Jeanette Rankin OF Montana. repub-
lican. who succeeds Lame Duck Tom
Stout, democrat.
The evening herald. (Klamath Falls, Or.) 1906-1942, 1916-12-04
OUCH! PAIN, PAIN,
RUB RHEUMATIC
ACHING JOINTS
ICB PAIN RIGHT OuT WITH
SMALL TRIAL D0TTLR or Ol.l,.
PENETRATING "ST. JACOBS
OIL"

Rheumatism 10 palm only" MOI
one case In nfty requires intsraal
treatment. Stop drugging. Rub sooth-
Ing. penetrating ''St. Jacobs or
right into your sore. stlR. aching
joints and muscles. and relief comes
instantly. ''st. Jacobs OH" 10 Q harm.
less rheumatism cure which never die.
appoints and cannot burn the skin.
Timber MP: Quit complaining! Oct
. small trial bottle Of old. honest "et.
Jacobs OF" 1t any drug store. sad In
Just = moment you'll b. free from
rheumatic pain. soreness. stiansss
and swelling. Don't suffer! Relief
awaits you. "st.Jacob's OIL" has cured
millions OF rheumatism sufferers In
the last half century. and 10 just at
good for sciatica. neuralgia. iumbaso.
backache. sprains. ADV.
The evening herald. (Klamath Falls, Or.) 1906-1942, 1916-12-04

'se, IN acho or pain IN y. =. :.
sss.c'. ru. got about -four ounce. =. !. s's.si
sam nom any good drus ~ = ~
,"s. /. 'ablsspoonful In ! 49, s's.s as's
to- Ncf"rs brcasfas, for 4 ,ss 49, w x "a
sva y l'dnsys will then act A. -, =. ~
n'"o.s salts Ia mado from ~ M -. ~.
ins ..sps~ and lsmon iu',s Conn., ~ a''' y. 4
n.s .'.a's. and is harmless to iiusS - 80. sNl
H'cneys and stimulate them !. ! y
activity II also nsu,rslI,s. = :. soa.al
IA tho urine so 1t no lonn, - ,,s,... ~
'nSs W. ending MN. bladder dlsordsa ~
yad Salts Ia harmless; lns,,.......
a'akss = delightful efrsrv.sssss. s.ve' ~
water drink which evsrheS, !. E NJ
sase now and thcn 10 keen ~. N.
neys clean. thus avoiding s.,,ss. s
plications. ~
4 ven known local drussist y, I.
se''s lots OF Jsd Salts 10 sclks =
s lasvs IN overcoming kidney ~.
while Il Ia only trouble.-Ad,'
The evening herald. (Klamath Falls, Or.) 1906-1942, 1916-12-04
Moving Pictures

The Disciple" written by 8. Bar
rett Mccormick and Thomas H. Ince.
will be presented Is one OF the big
features OF the Triangle program at
the Star tonight. This is not only re-
variable as a play. but also as put
ting forth the favorite star, william
8. Hart for the first time In the Tri-
angle service. A Western plot that
holds the interest Of spectators tense
u from beginning to the close charac-
terises this story. A frontier mission-
aTy civilian 8. Hart) after conquer
Ing at the point Of a revolver the hos
tility Of the cowpunchers to religion
and building up his church, splits"
with God because his wife elopes with
Doc Hardy. ex-physician and the
village saloon keeper. With his little
daughter he goes to the mountains
and takes up q hew life. But the
child falls III Of mountain fever. Just
ct this time Hardy finds It necessary
70 return to the village. Mary re-
turns with him and In a violent snow
storm comes to her husbands cabin.
Houston takes her In for the chiId's
sake. He goes for Hardy a. the only
physician who can save the child. The
child's life y saved. Mary, forced to
make her choice between the mission
ary and Hardy. points toward the
child and goes to its bedside. Hous-
ton Il about to kill Hardy when he
sees vision Of the crucinxion. with
this legend above the three crosses:
Father. forgive them. for they know
pot what they do." He relents. and
Hardy goes forth free.
The evening herald. (Klamath Falls, Or.) 1906-1942, 1916-12-04

! nsessd hsa1ensstsss - ahsuAssla.
neEt 49, Daste0ee. l7-tS
The evening herald. (Klamath Falls, Or.) 1906-1942, 1916-12-04
United Press ssrvioA

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The evening herald. (Klamath Falls, Or.) 1906-1942, 1916-12-04
Food Embargo Threat
is Attracting Attention

measure calling for IN embargo On
Manufactured articles such a. eonsti-
tute the built q the exportas.,as to
EUROPE from the Eastsrn nanufaesur-
Inc states.
Packed galleries greeted the savels
Of speaker Clark aad vies President
Marshall @ chattsring msmbsrs os
both houses In most cases Meeting
tor TIE Arst tims since the eventual
day In early September when they
,ushed through the Adamsou siens-
hour law. turned to hear the familiar
sdmonltion 10 "bs In order"
Little buaineas was Nxpeetsd today.
Interest csatsrsd principally on The
loor ce the house and senate cham.
bsrs and 10 the saileriss---a mnsa IT
ccior. 10 msmbsrshlp made up NJ
,nember Of the White House family.
diplomats. families and friends Of
congrsasmsn. sad the populacs crowd.
AUG the public galleries:
Senator 0allinger and Senator
Kern. republican and democratic Aoor
leaders respectively. we're named zen.
ate msmbers of the jolnt committee
to notify President Wilson that con.
sSsas was ready to hear him. They
named - lts nembsrs Majority Lend.
es Kitchin. Majority Leader Mann
and Representative Fitzgerald. chair.
man Of the appropriations committee.
The evening herald. (Klamath Falls, Or.) 1906-1942, 1916-12-04
RESERVE BOARD
GIVES WARNING
ADVISES AGAINST INVESTMENT
IN FORElGN TREASURY BlIls
10 AVOID TIEING UP THIS Ma
TlON.s FUNDS

United Press Service
WASHINGTON. d. c.. Dec. A.
Safety for America. Americans and
their money lies behind the federal
reserve board warning. published to-
day. against undue loan expansion Sc
cured BY foreign treasury bills. ex-
perts held. Some declared possibil-
ity OF unsettled conditions ahead was
the immediate move for the warning.
Many read into the board statement
an actual apprehension as to the out
come Of enormous financing OF the
allies. especially in view OF the posi-
bility that they are .'biting on more
than they can chew"
The board. however. disclaimed any
intent of rejecting on or discussing
the status Of foreign nations involved.
Its sole idea. said the statement. is
to keep Americas funds liquid. and
tn avoid tieing up funds through the
purchase Of foreign treasury bills un-
der long time obligations
The board deems 1t its duty to
caution member banks that 1t does
not regard II in the interest OF the
country at this time" said the state
ment. that they invest IN foreign
bills Of this character
The order was taken a. I reply to
7 Mr.~~ 4 ~ n--a-L..-. ~
The evening herald. (Klamath Falls, Or.) 1906-1942, 1916-12-04

United Press Service.
WASHINGTON. d. c.. Dec. A.
Seventeen members OF the senate and
the seventy-odd lame duck" men,
bers Of the house today began their
final legislative duties. When the
spotlight fades Marsh I on the Sixty
fourth Congress. they viii gather ur
their togas and start for home and
private citizenship.
These lame ducks" are those the
populece turned thumbs down upon
In the last election. Their services
range from anywhere from q little
less than year. In the case Of Sem
ator Tom Taggart OF Indiana. to
twenty-five years In the case Of Sem
ator Clarence D. Clark OF Wyoming
and Representative Sparkman OF Flor
ida. Clark ranking third in point OF
service III the senate. and Sparkman
fourth in continuous service In the
house.
Perhaps the most conspicuous fig-
ure In the lineup Of the prospective
has-beens Is Senator John w. Kern.
one-time candidate for vice president
and senate democratic floor leader
and chairman OF the powerful COM
mittee ON privileges. He went to
make way for Harry s. New. senator
elect from Indiana. with James E.
Jim Watson. former whip OF re-
Gently republican house, who brought
to an nntimely end the senatorial SER
vice OF Tom" Taggart.
w. F. Kirby OF Arkansas will sue
ceed the late Senator Clarke. who
died during the summer. Senator
Chiffon OF West Virginia. well known
here for his interest In blooded horses
a. well as for his legislative activi-
ties. will make way for Representa-
tive Howard Sutherland. republican,
who fought his way from the house
to the senate In two sessions.
Senator Johnson OF Maine carried
to the senate on the democratic tide
Of 1912, will be succeeded next con-
gress by Frederick Hale. son Of the
late senator from Maine.
The defeat Of Senator Blair Lee Of
Maryland sealed two political fates
for the present. He was defeated In
the primaries by Representative
David J. Lewis-"F Father" Lewis OF
The parcel post. Lewis in turn was
defeated by republican DR.. Joseph
I. France.
Another OF the 0ld-timers listed
among the missing at the next session
will be Senator Dupont OF Delaware. |
Dupont Is succeeded by J. o. VOL
cott. democrat.
Four mem among the new ones
IRE Of particular interest. Philander
;. Knox. former secretary OF state
ind former senator. will replace Sem
'tor Oliver. republican also, In tho
imelight last session when he was ac-
fused Of having big war bride hold
ngs. He was not q candidate for re-
lection. Peter Goslet Gerry OF the
Upper strata Of Newport. and DEM
'crat. will succeed Senator Lippitt Of
ahods Island. republican.
PoIiticsl interest will center on
frank B. Ksllogg.. trust-busting Kel-
osg Of some years back. former gov
Enor and senator-sIect from Mlnne-
ots. 70 succeed Senator Clspp. also
epublican; and Genator-sIsct Hiram
ohnson Of California. succssdins |
snatcr Works. likewise republlcan.
ct . candidate Tor ro-eleetion. OIL
Isilosg and Johnsea there \ talk /
The evening herald. (Klamath Falls, Or.) 1906-1942, 1916-12-04
Prize Stock on Exhibltioa

uniteo Press Service: y
PORTLAND. Dec. l.-Prixe win
ming cattle. horses and swine from all
over the United States are on exhibi-
tion here today at the Pacific Inter-
national Livestock exhibition. in the
Portland Union stockyards. The ex-
hibit Will continue until December 9.
The evening herald. (Klamath Falls, Or.) 1906-1942, 1916-12-04

EUGENE. Dec. There are now
l7s standard four-ysar high schools
In Oregon. Last year there were
500 graduates. The enrolment this
year 10 standard schools Il about 3l.-
900.