Mansfield mirror. (Mansfield, Wright County, Mo.) 1908-1957, 1916-10-26
FINNEGAN'S PHILOSOPHY
BALAAM.

Ftnnegan. "Bulnam was a highbroW
that knOwed less than his Jackass. He
took an Office to curse the people.
The Jackass saved them. IT'S all In
Number Twinty-twO. Och. hone! "Tis
different these times. The Jackass
knew better till Bnlaam tanned him.
"'I4ave me ride ye,' says Balanm, IAN
III mike ye the biggest ASS in the
wurld.'
"'Great.' says the ASS; what dye
feed?'
""'Pork,' snys Rnlnam.
"tMe SAVIOR says the ASS.
80 Balanm mounts. But o o the
Jack balks.
"'Phwat Is it| says Balaam.
%"'Snakes.' says the ASS; Ut looks
like the jawbOne NV me mother
"'G'wan.' says BALKAN, hittin' the
ASS a clip. .'tis me furren' policy
he says.
"'Phwat's ut for?' axes the ASS.
"'Ut definds the nashun,' says Ba-
laam.
".HOwT' says the ASS.
FAITH says BALKAN, tut takes a
bigger ASS than you to know that.
Lave It to Brine says BALKAN to the
ASS: an the Jack walks on medita-
tin.
"'Hee. hnw.' says the ASS, balkin'
an kickin'..
"'Whut nOwT' says BALKAN.
"'Dlvil II .Jacknss ever seen the like
esays the ASS. Ut could he a frog
says he, for ut stands upsin front,
and sits down behind; an It's mostly
mouth says the ASS. Ut has white
feathers,' says the Jack, wild yaller
streaks, that changes he says. to
Very Crooz Red. or Niagary Blue. an
now they're Cnrrysall Yaller again.
says he. 'Ilivins, have ! been drink
int creams the ASS to BALKAN.
"HSaints he praised says BALKAN.
Me WAtchful Wultin' can still change
its mind he says 'G'wan, where
glory waits he says. 'G'wan. in the
service Nv Mankind says BALKAN to
the Ass. touching him up. An the
ASo SIttiIltCS ullCtu, "uSlH Ills ours III
admiration.
"'Hee-haw! Hee-hawr says the
JACK, rearln' up wild his eyes bulgin'.
"Phwat's grippin' ye nowT says
Balnam, impnshunt like.
81 Dunno says the Ass. Ut looks
like the FLYNN Dutchman with a So
cialist crew. he says.
"'"Tis me Ship Bill says BALKAN.
Side step to the right he says;
side step to the left says he. well
tin him. Back up says Balaam,
neal 'wrenchin' off the Jacks jaw.
Now forward for the Merchant Ma
rine an fifty millyun pork says Bill
|. liam wild. u shower NV blows; an the
ASS goes on tlIremblin'.
"'Wah.hee! Wah-hee! Wah-hee =
says the Jack, shyin' SO ne near
threw his rider.
I'm learn We to shy at me Naval
Bill says BALKAN, lar-rupin' the
basic so he cud scarce stand.
aye can't pass ut wldout wearin'
Republican clothes says the Jack In
a coarse whisper.
aye ASS says Balnam. Don't We
know that amy cloes Is betther nor
nnkedness? G'wan,' says Balaam, In
tones NV thunder. So the poor haste
lopes on. llmpin' wild pnin.
"I've not time to tell We all the adj
ventures they had, but they KEEP on
Over rough roads, now an then eros
sin a ditch on a van term plank,
which made v e Bnlaam unalsy.
Iviry time the Jnck kicked, he got
short ratiOns an a wnllOp. So when
the Journey was near over, the poor
haste was all In, and far too proud to
fight. Any Jnck-Ass can be that
when he's licked.
'Wan stormy night. the Jack blooms.
into q harmony like a Dimycrat Tariff
Hymn played on a gaspipe wild the
feet.
"'Phwat ails We nowT calls Balaam,
clubbln' him wild both hands,.
"'Nlvver did l pass the like yells
the ASS, sweating and thremblin'. Ut
says ~ ua Ci6ht upui iUWs ou, pIWut
Is utT screams the ASS to Balaam.
feebly Vaughn his eurs.
~ dlnnO phwat ut Is meself,' says
Balaam, but l know phwat ut's got
Balaam snys.
"'Phwat?' axes the poor ASS.
"'FIve hundtler. thousand votes,'
says Balaam, wild a piOus air. 'G'wan.
ye big Ass, an doant We argue wild
an ldaylist,' snys Balaam to the Ass.
ave can't pass ut In the dark
plends the ASS. Lave us wait for
light moa the Ass. weepin'.
"'Nix.' says BALKAN. There's a hot
time comm an the votesll Spite.
Do We thurst- for sixteen more years
In the wilderness? Glddap.' says he,
'purgin' yer heart says Balaam. Nv
iviry thought that's SELFISH says Ba-
laam, or personal chants Bnlaam to
the poor ASS ticklln' the Jacks Stats
wild a couplin' pin.
"By this time the ASS was so wore
out wild his ardyous labors. that he
knew no more than BALKAN himself.
SO. wild One ~despairin' cry. he dropped
his ears, us he nm his master stumbled
forward into the dark"