davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Connecticut western news., 1916-07-27
THE NATIONAL EM.

It has been proposed in congress
 to make "The Star -Spangled Ban.
 ner'' the American national an-
 them, but official decision of this
 sort must inevitably depend on
 popular consent. - Torrington
 Register.
 It should depend also somewhat upon the use that the great American people will make of it. We have had occasion heretofore, to advert to the tendency of A patriotic "entire audience" to do things to "The StarSpangled Banner" that would make the author turn a handspring in his coffin if he had room enough.
 The great American people are will. ing to sing for the Union, and fight for the Union, and die for the Union. and if they were to fight for it the way they sing for it, the chances are that they would die for it.
 The manner in which the "entire meeting ripped The Star, Spangled Ban. ner up the back, tore it to tatters, and reduced the tatters to shreds, would have caused not only J. Howard Payne but Richmond F. Paine the most OK cruciating pain.
 Under the existing status of public education along the lines of patriotic music the axiom would seem almost justified: "He serves his country best who sings its anthenls least V
 If Congress really prescrioes Ma. tional Anthem, and expects the great
Connecticut western news., 1916-07-27
Some Funny Answers.

Spontaneous humor..Which is usually unconscious humor-surpasses in happy surprise any attempt the humorist who has studied his art can put forth. Here are some actual answers to questions propounded in the Regents examina. tions (for admission to the University of the State of New YorEl at Albany, N. Y. From their highly amusing character and variety it is plain that the Empire State is richer in humor than the werkaday public has ever imagined.
 The function of the stomach is to hold up the petticoats.
 The invention of the steamboat caused a network of rivers to, spring up.
 Two compound personal pronouns are he goat and she.devil.
 A baby is the most useful mammal because it will be great help to it's family when it grows up.
 Typhoid fever can be prevented by fascination.
 9arpers Ferry is the ferry that runs between New York and Hoboken,
 The qualification of voter at school meeting are that he must be tho father of child for eight weeks.
 The qualifications for citizenship are that you must be natural born or made.
 The government of Englano is a limited mockery.
 Elaine gave Launcelot aa omelet be- fore he departed for the tournament.
 The feminine of Bull is Mrs. Bull.
 The alimentary canal lies below the and coils itself around the stomach.
 The stomach is part of the aiimen. tary canal and is just south of the ribs.
 If 1t were not for the fish im the lakes the water would often overflow and destroy the forests, for fish drink good deal of water.
 A mountain pass is pass given by the railroad to it's employees so they can spend their vacation in the moratains.
 X mineral is composed of nothing simply found in the earth.
 Scotlaul; is good for cattle raising because of the irregular coast line.
 The people of Massachusetts live close together to protect themselves from the cold. The inhabitants of Alaska live separate from one another because of their nature.
 Heredity is when person has the same thing or takes from their rela. tions, It grows right in them because it has been in some of their relations.
 Julius Caesar told MT. Shakespeare that hs liked sleek fat men who slept nights.
 Name some of the men of Massa. chusehts and tell for what each was noted: Mir. Salem Witchcraft, Governor of Massachusetts.
Connecticut western news., 1916-07-27
Billy Sundays Bible..

Twenty-Five years ago, with the Holy Spirit as my guide, says Billy Sunday, I entered the wonderful temple of Christianity. I entered at the portico of Genesis, walked down through the Old Testament art gal laries, where the pictures of Noah, Abraham, Moses, Joseph, Isaac, Jacob and Daniel hang on the wall.
 I passed into the music room of Psalms, where the Spirit s&ept the keyboard of nature, until it seemed that every reed and pipe in Gods great organ responded to the tuneful harp of David, the sweet singer of Israel. I entered the chamber of Ecclesiastes, where the voice of the preacher was, heard, and into the conservatory of sweet. secuted spices filled and per. fumed my life. entered the business office of Proverbs, and then into the observatory of the Prophets, where saw telescopes of various sizes, pointed to the far-off events, but all concen- trated upon the bright and Morning Star, which was to rise above the moon-lit hills of Judea for our saliva. ton.
 I entered the audience room of the King of kings, and caught a vision of His glory, from the standpoint of Mat. thew. Mark, Luke and John; passed into the Acts of the Apostles, where the Holy Spirit was doing His work in the formation of the infant church. Then into the correspondence room, where sat Paul, Peter, James and John, penning their Epistles stepped into the throne room of Revelation where lowered the glittering peaks, and got vision of the King sitting upon the throne, in all His glory, and I cried: All hail the power of Jesus's name,
 Let angels prostrate fall
 Bring forth the royal djadem, And crown Him Lord of all.
Connecticut western news., 1916-07-27
What the Other Fellows Say

Great Britain is going to put some of the business firms i'll this country under the ban because she thinks they are helping her enemies. War time conditions are having a serious effect on trade. .-Meriden Journal.
 The Deutschland's exploit is chiefly ! significant as promise of the damage that may be done American warships and merchantmen by enemies from Europe during the course of some flu. ture war. Scientific preparedness in the future will not ignore the hazards involved in the fact that an armed submarine can cross the whole width of the Atlantic and strike in the dark beneath the surface of our harbors.- Torrington Register.
 The names of many places in ths war zone we cannot make much out of, but Dead Man Hill and Damloup seem to mean something. ng.-Ansonia Sentinel.
 Seven are dead in Chicago as the re- suit of a shooting match; five lie wounded. The honor of the remaining 47 states demand that war be made on ulinois.-New Haven Journal Courier.
 It may be all right for the United States to say it invented the aeroplane, but it would be more to the point to have some on hand, when needed Bridgeport Post.
 A Scotch university has offered a prize of $500 for the best essay on prayer. There ought to be plenty of material at hand for such an essay, with nearly every nation in Europe busy praying for success against it's nieghbors. Waterbury Republican.
 The Winsted guardsman who has the addresses of 800 girls needs a typist.- Winsted Citizen.
 All the evidence is against the theory that the shore resorts are using the man eating shark as an advertise. ment for their business. It fails to answer the requirements as we'll as a harmless sea serpent. Times.
Connecticut western news., 1916-07-27
GOSSIP OF DAYS GONE BY
Record ot Doings from Week to Week CuIled from The News Files.
 I884

Noo+
 December 24. The thermometer registered A degrees below zero
 Miss Bessie Sims, who was teaching at Flushing, L. l., was spending the holidays with her parents in town.
 Mrs. P. W. Wells, sister of Mrs. O. R. Camp, died at Roxbury.
 Willard W. Underwood and l.. A. Caldwell started for Florida. i George O. Peet returned from Ansonia, where he had been for three months.
 Mrs. Mary Gillette was spending the holidays with her sister in New York.
 The finishing touches were being put on the tobacco warehoue.
 David s. Cowles Post elected the following officers for the ensuing year: P. C., Rev. E. F. Atwood; S. V. O., H. Schamerhorn; J. V. O., M. J. kilmer; Adjt., E. S. Roberts: Q. NJ. :, G. L. Parsons; O. D., A. P. Briggs Chal lain, Rev. H. Eddy; O. G., L. Henger; s. M., H. Decker; Q. M. S., J. Quinn.
 A large delegation from Housatonic lodge attended the special communica- tion of St. Andrews lodge at Winsted.
 The marriage of James Halsey of Millerton, and Belle Merrifeld, of Ore Hill, took place at the residence of the brides mother in Ore Hill.
 Falls Village-The band boys held 8 dance in Citizens hall. Edward Gould of Brooklyn, N. Y, was visiting at Gilbert Streets. O. E. Ford, of East mans Business College, Poughkeersie, N. Y., was spending Christmas in town. Frank Beebe. of P1ttsfield, Mass. was spending short time in town. Misses Cora Tucker and Nellie Hall. of Bridgeport, were spending Christmas with their parents.
 West Cornwall-Mrs. s. H. Barnun. returned from visit to Pittsfeld Mrs. M. Howard Lane, of Madison, N. Y, was guest at c. E. Baldwin's. Miss Annie Butler was visiting in Fishkill, N. Y. MT. and Mrs, Earl Stevens were spending Christmas in Brookf1eld. James A.. Ford was spend ing the holidays with his sister in Hudson, N. Y. Orville Fitch pur- chased a piano for his granddaughter, Jennie Wheaton. MT. and Mrs. Albert Daniels, of Williamstown, Mass, were guests of friends in town. Miss. Jen- nie Cochrane was spending her vaca- tion ill Long Hill. Misses Jennie and Nellie Cochrane, Jessie Wheaton and Cora Morgan were taking music les. sons of Miss Ada Sterling of Cream Hill.
Connecticut western news., 1916-07-27
Snobbery.

Snobbery is the counterfeit coin in the bank of society.
 Snobbery is the veil that tries to cover Il multitude of Sins-"veil' because it can be seen through and tries" be- cause it usually fails.
 Snobbery is the hole in the doughnut; all that is good is outside of it.
 Snobbery is disease; it renders i'm pure an originally pure product by i'm planting in it the germ called "a swell rd head"
 Snobbery is eXpensive; it is excess baggage.
 Snobbery is what chloroform is to the surgeon; it paralyzes the patient, but is exceedingly treacherOus.-Pitts- burgh Dispatch.
Connecticut western news., 1916-07-27
Slightly Altered .

All round the little country school lay pleasaAt s.ens of early summer. The lambs frolicked in the fields, along with the goats, and the flowers bloomed brsvely.
 But, inside, the listless scholars were having knowledge drummed into them.
 Willie Smith," said the teacher, ''conjugate the verb to go.'"
 Willie's body was in the school, but his thoughts were out on the sunny hills. However, he began in mechan. ical voice: II go, thou goest-goest-"
 "Yes," said the teacher, in an en. couraging voice. What comes nextr"
 Willie's eyes travelled to the view of the pleasant fields beyond the school. room window, and inspiration came to him.
 "He-goat and she-goatv" he finished triumphantly.
Connecticut western news., 1916-07-27

American people to sing it, it should establish government singing schools throughout the country, with a pro. visO for compulsory attendance. This might be managed through the Post office Department. Make every post. master a singing teacher and require the great American people to practise from the dawn's early light till the twilight's last gleaming-or at least while waiting for the everlastingly be- lated mails to be sorted.
Connecticut western news., 1916-07-27
A Sleeper.

The intricacies of our language are well illustrated in the definition given of sleeper:
 A sleeper is one who sleeps. A sleeper is that on which the sleeper sleeps. A sleeper is that on which the sleeper runs while the sleeper sleeps Therefore, while the sleeper sleeps in the sleeper under the sleeper the sleeper carries the sleeper over the sleeper under the sleeper until the sleeper which carries the sleeper jumps the sleeper and wakes the sleeper in the sleeper by striking the sleeper on the sleeper, and there is no longer any sleeping ill the sleeper on the sleeper.
Connecticut western news., 1916-07-27
Warmth Not Wanted.

This would be pleasanter world if people put more warmth - genuine warmth in their letters," said the man of sentiment.
 q don't agree with you," replied his worried friend, there was warmth about some of the business letters got this morning that I didn't at all like"
Connecticut western news., 1916-07-27
AN OPEN SCHOOL HOUSE.

Congressman P. Davis Oakley, presi dent of the Bald Head Club of Amer ica, was special guest of Miss Mar gnret Wilson. daughter of President Wi1sOn at tea, at the White House, last Th0rsday. The Courant's Washington correspondent says:
 "The big Connecticut represen. tative was invited to the White House by Miss Wilson to talk over the community forum bill which is now before the House committee OH the District of Columbia, of which MT. Oakley is a member. This bill was drafted by Miss Will
 0n and she has been hard at work trying to get it through for several
 mouths without much success without any in fact
 "The bill, if passed, will per- init the use of school houses in the District, which have assembly halls as neighborhood meeting places, to which the people in their vicinity may gather evenings for lectures and similar diver sions of an educational character.
 Congressman Oakley is one of the few members of the committee who have taken an active interest in her bill, so when sne found that there seemed to be some sort of a hitch in things, Miss Wilson turned to him for advice.
 "The political conference took nearly two hours, according to re- ports from the White House, dur. ing which several pots of tea were disposed of.
 1t is gratifying to note that Congress man Oakley said, after the chat-anC the tea-that he "would cooperate very heartily with Miss Wilson, and that il was hoped the bill would be reported at the next meeting of the Distric committee and passed at this session.. , By coincidence MISS Wilson, measure is along the line advocated by a correspondent, "A Utilitarian," il The News, couple of weeks, ago an, which has been editorlally urged re peatedly in this paper the utilization of school houses for public meeting having an educational aim along an. line of general interest. We are glaC to find Congressman Oakley favorinI the measure, and nope the Legislation will be made broad enough to cove not only the District of Columbia, bu the whole country, and give the people who pay for it, an open school house
Connecticut western news., 1916-07-27

The hair crop in Lee, Mass,
 promises to be heavy because the
 barbers there have increased the
 price of hair-cuts on Saturdays au1
 holidays from 25 to 35 cents. Lee
 men would be justified in adopting
 some method, not of a hair raising
 brand, whereby badness would
 follow almost instantly. It is
 hereby suggested that John Rode.
 meyer, founder of the Bald Head
 Club of America, furnish the nee.
 essary hair destroyer and then as-
 sign the membership committee
 from the famous club to Lee for
 few weeks active campaign work.
 -Winsted Citizen.
 No use. After the political conven. tions of two years ago, when two-thlrds of the candidates for office-from the democratic nominee for governor, down to justices of the peace-were Bald Heads, and a shiny pate seemed to be the one indispensable qualification, chemists and druggists New England were besieged by hairy politicians for the production of an effective hair destroyer. But the scientists had to give it up. They couldn't deliver the goods. The Lee vites will probably continue to wear hair, and to get it cut-occasionally.
Connecticut western news., 1916-07-27

It is distasteful to credit intimations of nature fakirism in the classic pre- cincts of Twin Lakes-but on top of the report of blue sea serpent near the Judge Roraback bOat.house. as re. corded last week, comes the informa- tion in apparent good faith, from no less distinguished authority than Judge David c. Whittlesey, that "ox. eye daisies with green petals have been found near Twin Lakes this season"
Connecticut western news., 1916-07-27
Cats and Needles.

Cats seem to have a habit of swal- lowing needles. When a cat is brought to a veterinary hospital suffering with a cough the doctor always looks for n needle. In one instance pr. Childs of New York operated on d eat to remove what he thought was an ordinary nee dle. He found a hatpin nine inches long. But the cats life was saved.-- Popular Science Monthly.
Connecticut western news., 1916-07-27

A personal note from President o. A. Colley, of the Waterbury Chamber of Commerce, who is now rusticating ill California, is accompanied by a picture of the entrancing interior of the Franco. Italian dining selon of the Hotel Alexandria in Los Angeles, where, presumably MT. Uolley is put ting up. He writes: Down here they don't seem to know that Canaan is the growing end of the Nutmeg, nor that Waterbury has something on every body. What are we going to do about it ?" We should worry. They will know all about it by the time Colley's visit ends.
Connecticut western news., 1916-07-27

s s The persistent nagging of President Wilson, as "the schoolmaster Presi. dent," by the editor of the New York Sun, on his incorrect grammar, recalls the following impromptu skit, by the late Edmund Clarence Stedman, the banker.poet, on reading one of Henry Clews' weekly financial letters. So far as we know, this has never before been printed:
 "These are the views of Henry Clews,
 From which you may distinguish, Though written by an Englishman
 They are not writ in English"
Connecticut western news., 1916-07-27

News of the death of James Whit comb Riley, the "Hoosier poet" came who learned to love him by reading his quaint and irresistible poetry. Prob ably no contemporary American poet has been so widely read. nor made him. self such universal favorite among all classes of people, as James Whitcomb Riley. Peace to his gentle soul!
Connecticut western news., 1916-07-27

This is the time of the political year when all editors, compositors and proof. readers are duly warned that it is spelled 'drys,' not "dries. ''-Eagle Hollisterics.
 It is also the season when not only newspaper folks, but other folks are prone to slight their spelling, in refer ence to the temperature, and simply dash off "hot," as "h-."
Connecticut western news., 1916-07-27

MAILS CLOSE GOING- North East South West S:55 a. m. 8:15 a. m, 6:50 a. m. 1920 a. m. T16 p. m. 3:46 p. m. 4:36 p. m. GA D. m.
 MAILS OPEN FROM North East South West T=3O a. m goo a. m 1O:3O g. m 900 a. m. SIS p. m. 11:00 a. m. 8C0 p. m. 4:25 D. m
 7:f5 p. m.
 Mail closes on Route No 1, R. F. D. at 9:3O a. m., and return 3:30 D. m. For Southield and Mill River, Mass, at 1. p. m.
 E. L. ROBERTS, P M.
Connecticut western news., 1916-07-27

Beauty will assert itself. Not even a red flannel shirt can serve to mar the classic aspect of the beautiful. This truth had striking proof at the big fire mems muster in New Haven, Satur- day, when Editor George o. Woodruff, of Litchfield, was awarded a silver cup for being the handsomest man in the parade.
Connecticut western news., 1916-07-27
A Meek Worm,

You miserable worm" cried an in- censed wife. If you was half q man you'd help L!e 10 turn the mangle."
 T may hr WO::H.' replied the spouse .:.rc@.!!.--', but aint the sort that triTil,. -- L,x.dou .,. ii.
Connecticut western news., 1916-07-27

When the state editors meet to eat at Highland Lake, Winsted, next Sat. urday, they will see one of the prettiest bodies of water-and water is always interesting to the state editors-in New England. Furthermore they will get something mighty good to eat which no less interesting to the State editors generally.
Connecticut western news., 1916-07-27

The revival of talk about building a new railroad station in New Haven moves the Journal Courier to make the whimsical expostulation: "Don't tell us we are to have a new railroad station. We could not bear it. '
 Cheer up, Colonel. maybe it isn't so.
Connecticut western news., 1916-07-27
RENEWAL.
BY CAROLINE WEBSTER sMEDLEY.

After the winter the sprngtime,
 After the tempest the calm, After the toiling the rest time,
 After the heartache the balm. Soothing the heart with its sorrow,
 Easing the burden of pain, Sunshine will come with the morrow,
 Joy will be with us again. Let Us go on with our labors,
 Trusting the Lord for the end, With faith Tn ourselves and our neighbors While blessings from Heaven descend
Connecticut western news., 1916-07-27

The Windsor Town Crier for August was out last week and its contents are not bit more behind the times than it's public appearance.
Connecticut western news., 1916-07-27

I heard Rev. John Barstow. formerly of Lee, preach Sunday. He is still for little more love and little less creed-bless his heart. He is opposed to the small town practice of having one church for every person. Joe Ho!lister ill Eagle.
 He is not alone in that bias. Others have offered their minds on the nega- tive wisdom of maintaining a half dozen churches in little town where one small sanctuary would hold all the church going people, without crowding the reporters.
Connecticut western news., 1916-07-27

Fxtra copieS of The News are on sale at the sknce of publication and at
 Lempsey's Drug Store, Canaan, Post Office, East Canaan. Post Office, Falls Village, George T. Johnson's Store, Norfolk H. L. Rood, Ashley Falls. A. l., Dickinson, Salisbury. J. w. Morgan, Great Burlington, Mass.
Connecticut western news., 1916-07-27
JUDGM ENT.

Wit is brush~ood; judgment is timber. The first makes the brightest flames, but the other gives the most lasting heat.
Connecticut western news., 1916-07-27
THURSDAY, JULY 27. 1916.

If you cant sing as you go along life's road, don't help the thunder to growl and drown the other fel. lows singing. Tacks.
Connecticut western news., 1916-07-27

Get Together. Pull Together. Stick Together. Work Together. Nothing can prevent the old town from forging ahead to its proper place and keeping in the front rank of progressive con- munities, if those who have any pull in them at all will Get Together and Pull Together.
Connecticut western news., 1916-07-27

Norfolk is blessed in the possession of citizens whose public spirit and civic pride take tangible form:
 "The Misses Eldridge have given $500 and MT. and Mrs. Bridgman like amount to the Norfolk school board to be expended on walks and otherwise improving the grounds of the Center school"
Connecticut western news., 1916-07-27
MISCELLANEOUS

CLEANING, pressing and repairing reasonably done Clothing sent oy parcel post will be re- turned at my expense. Anna M. Terney. East Canaan.
Connecticut western news., 1916-07-27

inches wide or in yard lengths. Also stock in full sheets by the dozen. The Canaan Printing Company.
Connecticut western news., 1916-07-27

ooMs TO RENT. Inquire of Mrs W. II. amp, Canaan.
Connecticut western news., 1916-07-27
Cent-a-Word Advertisements
 Minimum Charge 25 Cents
FOR SALE

FOR SALE l6 foot sailing canoe. cedar, ma hogany deck. nickel plated trimmings new sails. Cost $500. sell SlOu. \. H. Tuttle, Shelf field Mass Tel ob
Connecticut western news., 1916-07-27
THE NEWS AGENTS

TELEPHONE: CANAAN ss
Daily capital journal. (Salem, Oregon) 1903-1919, 1916-01-24
|. H. Mcmahon to Talk
About Bathing Beach

L. II. McMahan is billed to deliver
an address tomorrow evening at the
commercial club on the subject Of a
municipal bathing beach. Through his
efforts more than any one man, the
bathing beach was established last
summer. The attendance and success
of the municipal bathing beach was so
far beyond what had been expected,
that several parties soon began figur-
ing on establishing o beach in opposi-
ton to that Of the city, to secure the
beach used last summer for personal
gain. Mr.. McMahan will deliver q few
remarks on the subject. The fair
grounds road will also receive its at
tention, as there is disposition to
build that road this summer, and If the
property owners on the present road
will not support paving proposition,
to build the road elsewhere. The organ.
ization OF an automobile club will al
20 come mp before this meeting. Of
to j. Wilson will tell why Salem should
organize such club.
This meeting is open 10 the public.
As many are interested in public
bathing beach, the fair grounds road
and an automobile club, the meeting
will attract much attention. o. NJ. Ell.
lott, director Of the civics department.
Of the commercial club, win preside.