davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1916-08-24
SphedSown, West Thursday a. 1916
Riggs Disease May Be Cured.

A falling off in the sale OF "store teeth"
and pilates" and the gradual eradication
OF a "toothless humanity" is predicted by
the public health service in bulletin
just issued. This is TO be accomplished
through what is described as an "epoch-
marking" discovery of the cause ard
method of treating what is known TO the
public as Riggs disease, and TO the
scientists as pyorrhea dentalis, the worst
enemy OF the dental equipment OF man
that is known.
Other ills of humanity are to be bene-
lied through this same important dis
covery. American scientists, TO whom
the credit is due, have worked out the
relationship between decay OF teeth and
Riggs disease, on the one hand, and
rheumatism, serious heart trouble and
high blood pressure, on the other.
In the treatment OF these functional af-
fections the wise physician now begins
with an examination ofthe teeth and their
sockets and cures them OF disease as the
first step.
Emetin, a modification OF ipecac, is
found in the cure for Riggs disease. 1t
is a germ-the endamoebae, TO give il the
right name-which is responsible for
Riggs disease, and if sometimes takes a
long time 10 persuade this germ that
emetin is not good for his germ system,
and that he had best move on.
The regimen imposed consists of a
cleaning OF the mouth several times daily.
The dentist is expected TO remove tartar
and yellowish matter which accumulate
along the inner edges OF the teeth and
between the teeth. The apparent dull
ness of children, il is declared, can often
be traced TO chronic poisoning produced
by decaying teeth.
The number of sufferers from Riggs
disease in the United States, the public
bulletin states, is large.
Riggs disease is described as a sup
puration around the roots Of the teeth,
which causes an inflammation which pro-
duces loosening and loss OF teeth. At
one time or another practically everybody
has Riggs disease. 1t is caused by a
minute single celled animal called endam-
oeba buccalis.
This malevolent parasite does its work
in combination with the puS- producing
bacteria or germs. The skillful team
work between these two destroys the
delicate membrane which surrounds the
roots OF the teeth and causes them TO fall
out.
lust as soon as the cause was found
out, search for cure began. II had been
previously discovered that the use OF
ipecac would cure diseases caused by in
lection of the intestines with endamoebae.
From this il was deduced that similar
treatment would cause the destruction OF
endamoebae in the mouth.
This was found to be the case. Emetin,
the form of the drug used, is now ad-
ministered by physicians for the cure and
prevention OF the disease. II sometimes
takes considerable time TO get rid OF al
OF the malignant germs in this way, but
the results which have been obtained
have been remarkably good. The treat
nent is both local and general.
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1916-08-24

To feel strong, have good appetite and
digestion, sleep soundly and enjoy lie,
use Burdock Blood Bitters, The iamily
system tonic. Price, 81 90.
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1916-08-24
lie Did It.

She always demanded instant and un-
questioning obedience from her children.
One afternoon storm came up and she
sent her little son John 10 close the trap
leading 10 the flat roof OF the house.
"Bui, mother" began John.
John, told you TO shut the trap"
"Yes; but, mother"
"John, shut that trapl"
"All right mother, If you say So
but"
"Johnl"
Whereupon John slowly climbed the
stairs and shut the trap. Four hours later
the family gathered Tor dinner, but Aunt
Mary, who was staying with mother, did
not appear. The mother did not have 10
ask many questions. John answered The
first one:
Mother, she is on The root"
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1916-08-24

An Inspector one day visited country
school.
"Now, children, wish you to take
notice OF what do and then write an &C
count of it," Then he stepped to the
blackboard and wrote: al love good
school,"
All the children wrote in effect that the
Inspector came into the school and wrote
on the blackboard. One little girl follow
ed instructions to the letter:
"And then he went to the platform, sat
down, played with his watch-chain,
twirled his mustache, and winked at the
lady teacher"
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1916-08-24
Little Things.

A good-by kiss is little thing.
With your hand on the door TO go.
But il takes the venom out OF the sting
OF thoughtless word or cruel fling.
That you made an hour ago.
A kiss OF greeting is sweet and rare
After the toll OF the day,
And il smooths the iurrow ploughed by care.
The lines on the forehead you once called iair,
In the years that have flown away
'Tis little thing TO say. You are kind;
| love you. my dear" each night.
But il sends thrill through the heart, lind
For love is tender. as love is blind
As we climb life's rugged height.
We starve each other for loves caress,
We take. but we do not give:
II seems so easy some soul TO bless.
But we dole the love grudgingly, less and less.
Till It's bitter and hard TO live.
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1916-08-24
Too Much For Murphy.

Murphy was in the hospital and had
undergone an operation. AS he was re-
covering he remarked 10 The patient on
his right: 81 am thankful that's over"
"Ohl" exclaimed the patient. "at my
operation the doctor left the scissors
inside and had 10 undergo the same
again."
The patient on the left remarked that
at his operation The sponge had been left
and he had to be gone over again.
Just as they had finished talking the
doctor appeared: "Has anyone seen my
hat2"
II was then that Murphy tainted.
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1916-08-24
AGENCY.

We are glad 10 announce that We have
the Agency for Victor Talking Machines,
Victrolas. Victor Records and Supplies.
We will be glad 10 show Machines and
demonstrate Records and Machines TO
anyone who calls at our store, and we
will promptly order and get Tor you any
thing tFat we may not have in our stock.
We would like 10 have every owner OF
a Talking Machine. whether Victor
other make, give us his or her address
and the kind Of Machine they use.
From time 10 time we will have In new
Records. and new matter OF interest 10 all
Music Lovers, and will be glad 10 mail II
10 anyone who is interested.
We sell Machines for cash, or we will
make reasoD1bl. lime payment contract
with anyone wbc ioes not want to pay
all cash.
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1916-08-24

Questions of Sex ?-Are fully and
properly answered in The Peoples
Common Sense Medical Adviser. All
the knowledge a young woman, wife
or daughter should have, is contained
in this big Home Doctor Book contain
ing 1908 pages with engravings and
color plates, and bound in cloth. BY
mail prepaid ON receipt of 8 dimes. Ad-
dress 663 Main Street, Buffalo, MY.
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1916-08-24
When You Have A Cold.

Give il attention, avoid exposure, be
regular and careful OF your diet also COM
mence taking DR.. Kings New Discovery;
II contains Pine-Tar, Antiseptic Oils and
Balsanis. Is slightlylaxatiye. DR.. King S
New Discovery eases your cough, sootn-
es your throat and bronchial tubes, checks
your cold, starts to clears your head. In
short time you know your cold IS better.
It's the standard family cough syrup IN use
over 40 years. Get bottle at once. Keep
If in the house as cold insurance. Sold
at your druggists
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1916-08-24

Will SIoan's Liniment Relieve Pain ?
Try it and see-one application will
prove more than column OF claims.
James S. Ferguson, Phila., Pa, writes:
81 have had wonderful relief Since used
SIoan's Liniment on my knees. To think
after all these years of pain one application
gave me relief. Many thanks for what
your remedy has done for me-" Don't
keep on suffering, apply Sloan's Liniment
where your pain is and notice how quick
you get relief. Penetrates without rub
bing. Buy il at any Drug Store. 25c.
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1916-08-24
A Doctors Remedy For Coughs.

A Doctors Remedy For Coughs.
As cure for coughs and colds Dr.BelPs
Pine Tar Honey combines these remedies
in Just the right proportion TO do The most
good for summer coughs or colds. a
trial will prove the value OF this splendid
cough medicine. DR.. Bells Pine Tar
Honey soothes the irritation. stops your
cough. kills the cold germs and does you
a world Of good. A 25c. bottle will more
than convince you, il will stop your cough.
Atdruggists.
The Richmond palladium and sun-telegram. [volume] (Richmond, Ind.) 1907-1939, 1916-07-18
GLEN ALEXANDER
GIVEN SURPRISE

MIDDLEBORO, Ind, July 18.-Mrs.
Retta Addleman is suffering from a
scalded foot. Lawrence Coblentz
of Campbellstown, spent the weekend
with his grandparents, Mr.. and Mrs.
John Coblentz.. -. Mr.. and Mrs. Rus
sell Clark entertained at Sunday din
ner, Mr. and Mrs. Harry Patti ana
family of near Richmond, Mrs Bertha
Phelps and children of Michigan, Mrs
May Little and children of Richmond
80. York Little motored to Indianap-
oils Tuesday. A large number of
relatives, neighbors and friends of
Glen Alexander gathered at his home
Sunday while he was at Sunday school
and reminded him of his birthday 4
picnic dinner was served in the din
ing room which was beautifully deco
rated with cut flowers.
Several Were Present.
Those present were Messrs and
Mesdames Sam Alexander, Albert
Townsend and son, Fred Schlagle, Ell
wood Alexander and family, Ollie Nc
Clure and family, Joe Brooks and
family, Joe Alexander and family,
Russell White, Newton Alexander,
Roy Norris and family E. O. Reid and
family, Orla Garretson and family
Lon Morrison and son, Mrs. Mary
Alexander; Misses Cloy Alexander,
Halcia Reid, Marie Pogue, Ardith
White, Iris Alexander; Messrs. Glen
Alexander, Clarence Alexander, Willie
Mcclure, Walter Alexander, w. C.
Alexander, Brewer Higgs, Charles
Alexander and Alva Alexander.
The Richmond palladium and sun-telegram. [volume] (Richmond, Ind.) 1907-1939, 1916-07-18
RELIEF CORPS
TO HOLD FETE
TO Get FUNDS

CAMBRIDGE. CITY. Ind. July 1s.-
Mrs George Byrkett, enroute home to
indianapolis. after visit with friends
in Richmond, was the guests Of her
cousin, Mrs. J. C. Dodson. Saturday
evening. :. Robert Painter Of Dallas,
Tex. and Mrs. Elizabeth Painter have
returned to the latter's home in Mum
Gle, after visit with Mrs. kittie Sto-
baugh. ;. "A number Of people from
Hagerstown. have been among those
in attendance at the ChautauQua..
Miss Marian Miltenberger, Of Muncie,
Joined Miss Louis Cary, of that city,
Monday. in the homes of the latters
relatives, Mr.. and Mrs. Wesley Cary
and William Greisenger and sister,
Miss Rose. for visit Of few days.
-. Mrs. F. G. Whittlinger Of Middle
town, O., is a visitor in the home of
her son, Moren Whittlinger.. Miss
Loretta Brown of Cedar Grove, O., is
the guest of her sister, Mrs. Oscar
Cooley. Miss Alice McCaffrey spent
Friday In New Castle, the guest of
Mr. and Mrs. T. B. Millikan and
daughter, Miss Louise. :. /. Farmers in
this vicinity state that while potatoes
are suffering for lack Of rain that the
hay is better this year than last; that
wheat cut nicely and that if rain
comes within a few days, that the
corn will be all right. :. Mrs. Lydia
Pike of Spiceland, has been the guest
Of Mr.. and Mrs. Will Pike. e. E.
Ault of Chicago, spent Sunday with
his parents. Mr. and Mrs. Lee Ault
-. Miss Alice McCaffrey has pur-
chased a Chevrolet roadster. The
members of the w. r. c. will hold
lawn fete Wednesday evening, July
26, at the home of Mr.. and Mrs. John
Ingerman, in the east part Of town.
-. Ice cream and other refreshments
will be served. the proceeds from
which will be used in purchasing
flags for the Sunday school pupils of
the town.
The Richmond palladium and sun-telegram. [volume] (Richmond, Ind.) 1907-1939, 1916-07-18
INTERuRBAN STRIKES
MACHINE At EATON

EATON, O., July 1s.-Mr and Mrs.
J. z. Wysong. Miss Marie Cole and
Charles A. Bennett visited Mr.. and
Mrs. S. F. Cotterman at Miamisburg
Sunday evening. Mr.. and Mrs. c..
B. Green of Dayton, and Mr.. and Mrs.
f. c. Green and children Of Rich
mond. spent Sunday here with their
parents, Mr.. and Mrs. F. NJ. Green. :.
Mr.. and Mrs. Lee Izor Of Dayton, spent
Saturday and Sunday with his par
ents, Mr. and Mrs. Ira F. Izor, east
OF Eaton. :. Miss Treva and Ivalou
Eikelbarger of Gordon, spent Sunday
here with their sister, Miss Margaret
Eickelbarger An automobile occu-
pied by DR.. and Mrs. James l. Nisbet
collided with an interurban car early
Sunday evening at point on West
Main street. Neither suffered any in
juries and the car was only slightly
damaged. =. . Another of series of
union meetings arranged by the
churches of the city was held Sunday
evening at First U. B. church. The
sermon was preached by Rev. ]. G..
Shaw of St. Pauls Methodist Episco-
pal church.
The Richmond palladium and sun-telegram. [volume] (Richmond, Ind.) 1907-1939, 1916-07-18
.PENNv|LLE SCHOOL
WILL HOLD REUNION
AT JACkS0N'S PARK

CAMBRIDGE CITY, Ind, July IS
The reunion Of the Pennville school
will be held Saturday, August 6, in
Jackson park; Prof e. e. Oldaker,
president: Mrs II. A. Compton, secre-
tary; Mrs. Compton, Mrs. Sewers and
Miss Mabel Hartman, program COM
mittee.
Moves to New Home.
Forty years ago, Saturday, J. |. Can
non, moved into the home which he
had erected on Pottawotomie street.
80. Mr.. Cannon came with his parents
from North Carolina to Indiana, when
he was but three years Of age, resid-
ing first In Dublin, and since in Cam
bridge City,. Notwithstanding the
intense heat, people are going to the
Chautauqua. AT the Youths Chautau-
qua. both Friday and Saturday, sew
eral new features were introduced
among which were Gold Ball, and Fox
and the Hound, each one having its
real value.
The Richmond palladium and sun-telegram. [volume] (Richmond, Ind.) 1907-1939, 1916-07-18
Letter List

The following letters remain un-
called for at the local post office and
will be sent to the dead letter office
II not called for within two weeks:
Women: Mrs. Jos. A. Alexander.
Mrs. Lena H. Chapple. Miss Kathleen
Cornell. Mrs. Phil. DeCamp, Miss Flo
renee Hazelrigg. Mrs. Marie Hughes,
Miss Beatrice f. Kinsinger, Miss Es-
Their Names, Mrs. Jim Paxton. Miss
Rena Phillip, Mrs. Bertha Quinn, Mrs.
Dora Skillen, Mrs. Geo. Smith, Mrs.
Frank NJ. Stowell, Mrs. Madel Wear.
Men: Robert Adams. Howard An
des. Frank Berg, Jack Bowers, John
Bowman, Walter Burgherm, Jesse
Cooler, J. F. Daniels, Chas. Gilmore,
Charles Hogan, DR.. r. Johnson, j.
Kadder. j. W. Kemper, G. G. Leonard
William Miller, George Petty, Howard
Rigsby. J. Z. Wampler.
Miscellaneous: Messrs Martin and
Myers.
The Richmond palladium and sun-telegram. [volume] (Richmond, Ind.) 1907-1939, 1916-07-18
ARREST GROCERY THIEF.

WASHINGTON, Ind, July 1S-Mrs
Emma Bates and Mrs. Earl Poinsett,
wives of local policemen, proved first
aid to their husbands when they
t. lied and arrested Raymond Will
Hams, who now is charged with steal
ing groceries from farmers buggies
in the business district.
The Richmond palladium and sun-telegram. [volume] (Richmond, Ind.) 1907-1939, 1916-07-18
Masonic Calendar

Tuesday, July 1s-Richmond Lodge
No. 1876, F. & A. NJ, called meeting.
Work in the Master Mason degree,
commencing at seven o'clock. Light
refreshments.
Wednesday, July 19-Webb Lodge
No. "a, F. & A NJ, stated meeting.
Friday, July q - King Solomon's
Chapter No. 4, r. A NJ, called con-
vocation. Work in the Mark Master
degree. Work commencing at seven
O'Clock
The Richmond palladium and sun-telegram. [volume] (Richmond, Ind.) 1907-1939, 1916-07-18
Doing Good.

A woman can do a tremendous
amount OF good when she tries. Here
is an instance and there are many
such Mrs F. F Smith, Gloversville,
n. Y, writes: Il feel it my duty to
write and tell you what Chamberlain
Tablets have done for me and for
many others that | have told about
them. For over three years | have
been troubled with my liver and have
been under the doctors care most of
the time. I have tried many other
medicines. but have not found any
thing that helped me as much as
Chamberlain Tablets Obtainable
everywhere ADV
The Richmond palladium and sun-telegram. [volume] (Richmond, Ind.) 1907-1939, 1916-07-18

11EUT-coL il F95E1AN z COL I'D Comfy ON
Major General Scott chief the making
ard Wood commanding the Eastern Military
Pean New
tained.
Harrisburg telegraph. [volume] (Harrisburg, Pa.) 1879-1948, 1916-10-06
For Catarrhal Deafness
and Head Noises

Here in America there is much suf-
|ering from catarrh and head noises.
american people would do well to con-
ider the method employed by the
English to combat this insidious dis
lse. Everyone knows how damp the
English climate is and how dampness
Effects those suffering from catarrh. In
they treat catarrhal deafness
base and use an internal remedy for it
|hat is really very efficacious.
sufferers who could scarcely hear a
Eatch tick tell how they had their
bearing restored by this English treat
hent to such an extent that the tick
Ind eight inches away from either ear.
Therefor if YOU know someone who
3 troubled with catarrh, catarrhal
feafness or. head noises. cut out this
Iormula and hand 1t to them and you
[ome poor sufferer perhaps from totaI
Ieafness. The prescription can be
|asily prepared at home for about 75c
nd Is made as follows:
From your druggist obtain 1 OF. of
farmint Double Strength. about 75c
Forth. Take this home, and add to II
4 pint of hot water and ounces of
formulated sugar: stir until dissolved.
fake a tablespoonful four times a day.
Parmint is used in this way not only
0 reduce by tonic action the inf1am-
tubes .and thus to equalize the air
ressure on the drum, but to correct
ny excess of secretions in the middle
ar. and the results it gives are usually
emarkablv quick and effective.
Every person who has eatarrh in any
nd free themselves from this de-
|tructive se.-Advertisement
Harrisburg telegraph. [volume] (Harrisburg, Pa.) 1879-1948, 1916-10-06
SOLDIERS BECOME RESTLESS
ANXIOUS TO RETURN HOME
Harrisburg Member of Sigma Corps of Opinion Future En-
Lstments Are in Jeopardy; Tells of Hike

Failure to get in action is causing
much unrest among the soldiers at
Camp Stewart. Letters from Harris
burg soldiers while telling of pleasant
days in camp, and about hikes and
daily drills also show an anxious
feeling on the part of the boys to re-
turn home. In a letter to a friend in
this city, Sergeant Guy A. Dull of the
Pennsylvania Signal Corps, a Harris
burg boy writes as follows from Ell
Paso:
This camp experience has been a
wonderful thing for many of us. We
have learned many things of real
value. For instance, 1 can now sew a
button on my shirt all by myself
Never would 1 have learned this un-
der any other conditions.
The subject under discussion now
however, is when are we going to be
returned to our homes All of our
boys are anxious to return to Gods
country. 1t is strange but neverthe-
less fact that the element that goes
to make up our militia can stand the
strain of camp life for a certain period
only. After the monotony of the SOL
dier's life in time of peace begins to
assert itself, the militiaman gets rest
less and discontented. During the
first several months of our service our
boys worked hard and faithfully, and
Wnlie tHey slill pug AWAY ike llhe
fellows, there is a marked degree Of
restlessness Our lads are beginning
to feel that they are being retained
here needlessly and are craving for
the company of their loved ones and
their daily pursuits in civil life.
After viewing the situation care
fully 1 am frank in saying that If re-
turning to our homes is delayed much
longer 1t will have a tendency to hurt
future enlistments in the militia. The
boys feel that they have absorbed a
great amount of instruction and in
view of the fact that conditions are
greatly improved along the border
think that they should be allowed to
return to their homes. In the COM
mand to which am attached ninety
per cent of the men are hoping for an
early movement.
The Pennsylvania Militia impresses
one very favorably at this time, and
believe IL placed in active service
would reflect credit on our State.
While 1t is quite true that there may
be many things of which we know
nothing. Ssill our boys think that
they are being detailed unnecessarily
and are becoming very much dissatis-
Harrisburg telegraph. [volume] (Harrisburg, Pa.) 1879-1948, 1916-10-06
SUMMER SUICIDE
RECORD IS LARGE
Over Seventy-Five Occurred in
the Warm Months Up to the
First of August

Figures compiled by the bureau of
vital statistics of the State Depart
ment of Health show that seventy-six
persons committed suicide in July,
four less than in June and twelve less
than in May and the same number as
in January. The figures also show
that in July there were but six deaths
from scarlet fever, the smallest num-
Der from that disease in any month in
years and that infantile paralysis
deaths were 25, that month being the
start of the outbreak.
The birth rate for the month was
1874 and the death rate 9.217, the
excess of births being higher than in
any other month of the year.
The causes of death as given show
SCI from tuberculosis, 494 from can
Ger. GAG from Bright's disease. 6s from
typhoid, 81 from diphtheria and meas
les, 81 from whooping cough, one
from malaria and IS from influenza,
diabetes cause Sc deaths, meningitis
80 and intestinal troubles 1,137 of in
fants under two years and 1870 over
that age.
Sixty-seven were killed in mines and
134 killed on the railroads, while TOO
died from other forms of violence.
Harrisburg telegraph. [volume] (Harrisburg, Pa.) 1879-1948, 1916-10-06
4 LETTER FROM
A SOLDIER DOWN
in FAR MEXICO

MY grandmother gave me supply
Il Wonderoil to take with me in the
|rexican Campaign. She said it would
|e NV best friend and it surely proved
tself-all that and more. Some of the
lights here are very cold and lots of
he men contract hacking coughs. L
lave not yet seen a case that Wonderoil
lid not cure.
"A few days ago I strained the
fuscles of my right arm and the pain
las terrible. l couldn't sleep and
|idn't know what to do. Then 1 re-
be embered Wonderoil and got up In the
hiddle OF the night and rubbed it on
be muscles. 1t eased the pain at once
md soon 1 was fast asleep. In the
horning the arm was almost well and
was able to take care of my camp
|uties without rain. Wonderoil is GER
hinly a Godsend to me-"
FIRST SERGEANT c. w. WATSON,
Co. l.. End Infantry.
NOTE-WonderOil, mentioned IN the
|bove letter, is the old-fashioned oint-
bent that so many Harrisburg families
RE now using successfully to cure
ftubborn coughs and colds. 1t seldom
Rils to relieve even the worst cases of
IackinR coughs. 1t can be secured in
Harrisburg from Geo. A. Gorgas and
ither reliable Observation-Disclosures
bent.
Harrisburg telegraph. [volume] (Harrisburg, Pa.) 1879-1948, 1916-10-06
Monkey Wanted Breakfast;
Tackled Slender Ankle

Los Angeles, Cal. - Because a1arge
monkey belonging to Miss Katherine
Smith wasn't served breakfast at the
usual hour he went on a widespread
rampage, bit young lady on the
ankle, but couldn't make a meal of it;
climbed all over a man he disliked and
finally held up a passenger train.
AS a climax he got mixed up,
scramble-egg fashion, with a man
named Mr.. Monk, and scratched his
face severely. The two-legged Monk
objected and when he could find a gun
he pumped shot into the four-legged
monk until he resembled a sieve and
ceased to breathe. His mistress is
disconsolate.
The Southern Pacific Company,
through its engineer and fireman. was
astonished and frightened when the
monkey, half standing in the middle
of the narrow-gauge track and grimac-
ing horribly, confronted the locomo-
tive. The face was too much for the
company and the engineer shut the
throttle and threw on the handbrakes
or something.
The startled passengers got off and
helped chase the chattering simian
away. The conductor delivered him
self of an grafton that wouldn't have
served as an eulogium at the mon
keys funeral.