Omaha daily bee., 1916-06-27
Mother-1m-LaW
Problem the Bone
of Modern Home
BY DOROTHY DIX.

which women pour out to me sorrow
full secrets of their hearts and ask
advice on problems that only omnis-
cient wisdom itself could solve, and
that are so far beyond my own poor
powers that | do not even dare TO
try to answer them.
OF all the pathetic letters that come
to me, however, none are so pititul
as those that deal with the question
OF the mother -in-law, because they
always reveal useless tragedy and
one that is due only to jealousy and
selfishness and lack of self-control
Sometimes these letters are from
the daughter-in-law, sometimes from
the mother-in-law. Often a young
wife writes that she is married to a
good man who loves her and whom
she loves; that she has a beautiful
home and her life would be perfectly
happy except for the nagging of llSS
mother in-law.
The older woman lives in the
house with the younger one and cI1t-
icises everything that the young wife
does. She calls the husbands atten
ton to his wife's faults. She tells
him that his wife is extravaganza. or
bad manager, or too fond of sIluse-
ment, and in a thousand little ways
she comes between husband and wife
and makes the wife's life a flartyr-
dom.
Often the letter is the heatt broken
wall of an old woman who tells OF
the cruelty of daughter-ln-law who
is so mean and selfish that she be-
grudged her husbands mother place
under her roof and seat at her table.
The old mother is made to feel her
self a burden. She is snnbbed, thrust
aside, treated without honor or re-
spect, and the wife uses her inhu
ence to wean her husband from his
own mother.
The most curious thing about the
in-law problem is that these women,
who act like fends toward each other
and who infiict on each other tor
ture as ruthless as the Inquisition,
and sacrifice the man they both love
to their malevolent tempers, are not
the abandoned wetches one might
suppose. On the contrary, they are
good, Christian, church-going women
who think a lot about doing their
duty and are full of charity and
loving kindness to everybody except
their in-laws.
know a family such as this, in
which mother-in-law and daughter
in-law are women of exceptional no.
bility of character; but they fell out
over a mere trihe and hate each other
with ferocity that is simply appall-
ing. Not long ago, when | had list
ened for the millionth time to the
mother-in-la abuse Of her daugh-
ter-in-law, | said to her:
"Well, what are you trying to do!
Are you trying to separate your son
from his wife by making these cease
less complaints to him? Do you think
that he will be happier parted from his
wife than with her? Do you think that
he will be better off if you break up
his home? Will these little children
have a finer chance in the world if
they are half orphaned, if their father
and mother are divorced?
She looked at me in horror. "You
know" she cried, "that l think divorce
is a sin and a disgrace, and that |
wouldn't break up my sons home for
the world, or separate him from his
wife. I would die first"
y Then why are you trying to kill
you sons love for his wife by point
ing out her faults to him, and making
trouble between them by bearing tales
to him?" demanded. And she could
not answer.
Undeniab1y it is hard for two
women to live together in peace. But
there are some thing that the women
so placed might think upon with
profit.
One is that the woman whose son
support and cherishes her in her old
age owes him enough gratitude to get
along at least in outward peace with
his wife. She may not like her daugh-
ter-in-law, but she can maintain an at
titude of amiability toward her and
not make her son miserable by stir
ring up strife in his home.
And the woman whose mother-in-
law is a guest under her roof may
rest assured that she has no higher
duty on earth than to care for the
woman who has given her good
husband. She should remember what
the other woman has suffered and sac
rifced to raise to mans estate a man
who is fit to marry 1t is debt of
honor that every daughter -in-law
should pay in tenderness and sympa-
thy.
For the crux of the whole matter is
this-a mans happiness is bound up
in the way his wife and mother get
along together, if they live in the same
house. They may be as antagonistic
as oil and water, they may entertain
Kilkenny-cat feeling toward each
other, but if they really love the son
and husband they should be willing to
sink their differences and sacrifice the
pleasure of fighting for his sake.
But heaven help the mother-in-law
and daughter -in-law who are COIL
demned by fate to live under the same
roof! And heaven pity the man who
has to live with both Of them!