Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1916-10-05
FINNEGAN'S PHILOSOPHY
~O~S~~
On the Merry-Go-Round.

Faith an now Wilson's for pro-
lection. Four year agone he was agin
1t, for 1t was agin the constychooshun.
Now that he is for it, that immortal
Instrument has also changed Its
mind. He makes me head shwim.
"But I've good company, Bryan an
Garrison, the civil service Dlmycrats,
and the rale Dimycrats, the Passytists
an the vulgar sowls that's none Too
Proud to Fight-they've all been on
the Merry go-round. Some Nv thin
turned sick.
"'God bless ye-ye're good man,
but We make me dizzy says Bryan,
leppin' from the Hobby Horse and run
min for the woods. I've a ginywine
raygrit at losln' ye,' says Wudthrow
THROWN him a Cocked-Hat iv the vim
tage Of 1909.
"'Here's the Army bill,' says Garri-
son. How does 1t suit?' he axes,
"Fine,' says Wudthrow, barrin'
few changes Yen redraw it, he
says, to provide says he, 'volun-
tary universal service in Federal
Milishy,' says he, controlled be the
states says he; an recruited be
spiritual com-pulsion,' says he. 1t
shud be nayther too large nor too
small says he; 'or maybe both, he
says; an the ammynition,' says he,
must be nayther too much nor too
little says he. I've to see Hay. be-
fore decide the daytales, for tbs me
Jooty to kape an open mind says
Wudthrow.
"'Stop the music and lave me or
says Garrison. Are We crazy or am
II Garrison means, layin on his back
an gain wildly at tn sky. God bless
We says Wudthrow. I've a near-real
raygrit at losin' you he says. And as
Garrison beats it to Jarsey the Merry
Go-Round plays a side step.
"F'what iv the NavyT says Kitchin.
1T shud be thruly adequate ivry-
where says the Great Idaylist, 'ex-
cept In Montany, where we need no
Navy says he, and in st. Louey,
where 1t shud be the biggest in the
world. Wen be none exthravagant
like thin Republicans says he, so
here's the Dlmycrat bill ven pass
says he.
"'But this same is the Raypubli-
cans BILL says Kitchin starin' Yen
go an pass IT, says Wudthrow, pound
ing the desk. 'Hooray,' says the black
Republicans votiu' for the bill. DO
l dream says Kitchin. If liver
drank, I'd tink was boozed,' says
Kitchin In a thremblin' vice. And he
falls off.
"'How about the Army binr axes
Hay
Thorough an instant preparation
for definse must be the wurd,' says
Wudthrow, wild heroic ris'lution in his
eye.
81 have here BILL says hay, pro-
vidln' for an increase iv five hundther
men a year for twinty year. he says;
AN amynishun for six hours ackshun,'
he says, twill make us safe from
Madagascar, measles. muckrakin',
milit-rism and marital in6dellty,' he
says, AN Wen catch Willy before he
dies av he doan't die before we catch
him. says Hay.
embrace me-, says Wilson. oh
Hay-afther all preparedness is
matther Nv the heart an not of guns
or forts. Did Cleveland ivir give We
jobT he axes, stoppin' short like.
"Divil wan, says Hay. Thin,
says Wudthrow shakin' the both iv
Hays hands cordial like, for yer patri-
otto service in so braSely sipportin'
me policies he says, in all their
phrases he says, i make judge iv
ye'he,' says he, as well as yer frind
that We put in the JOKER says the
Prisidint. 'Howly Saints says the
preparation Slnitors.
"'Ph'what does this mean at all
at alp they axes. I've the wan
thrack mind says the President, AN
We go all through me train iv thought
before ye come to the pork car says
he. Are We onT axes the Apostle iv
Common Counsels.
"'We're on says the Sinitors, fall
ing off. An the Merry-G Col Round plays
a Wilson Waltz, (Which We know.
Jawn, is wan step forward, two steps
back, hesitate an sidestep). An Tu-
nudity goes out to spread the glad
tidin's that the preparation p'rade will
be led be the Presidint in person.
How does he save his face?" asked
Malumphy.
avid his mouth" responded Finne-