El Paso herald. (El Paso, Tex.) 1901-1931, 1916-04-15
Mr.. DoOIey t ia End t If War By F. P. Dunn.

old frinds they'd be hghtin yet But it appears that
Gnral Grant got tired an whit over wan Afternoon
an see Ginral Lee settin' undher an apple three an
say he: Gn'ral, says he let's talk it over All
right says Ginral Lee, but I was Just hnishin' me
plans to massacre ye in tn mornin'' ''Tis lucky
called says Gin'ral Grant Let's go inside says
he Very we'll, says Gn'ral Lee, but twill spile tn
story about tn OIL apple three 'Ye can't spile
histhry be maxim it unthrue,' says Gin'raI Grant
Besides there amt amy OF apple three here he
says. So tn two OF fellows went inside Ginral
Grant looked awful sloppy, bein' dhressed in hand
me-down unyform with his pants tucked in his
boots. but Ginral Lee he Lit up fine in gray
broadcloth, with goold eppylets an patentleather
shoes an spats an great soard with damon's
on tn HIT An whin they got in tn house Ginral
Lee says: Well, what can 1 do fr ye me good fell
lowP Well says Gin'rsl Grant it seems to me It's
time this jam was ended. If yen ask ye're fellows
to quit lickn' US an go home quite I'll sind me
boys back too. Each iv ye'er warryors can take
his revolver so he engage IN COMMERCIAL pur-
scots as iv yore, an they go home an rule tn
South an such iV thin as wants to can come North
an take all tn good Jobs he says Very WE'LL says
Ginral Lee, if ye're so pussylanimous there's nav
thin fr me to do but accept ye'er surrinder Hand
over yeer soard,' he says haven't got amy, says
Ginral Grant, but Ill give ye q good see-gar.' I
don't smoke, says Ginral Lee haughtily, turnin' on
his heel an calm fr his charger, LAWN Gn'ral
Grant to go home be throlley. An tn gallant boys
in gray received tn news with cheer an set IRE
to their capital an tn inimy put it out an they
rode home their mules an took tn banjo out "
tn hand " tn Ethyopyan freedman an hit him
over tn head with It an stint him back to wurruk
only this time they refused to board him An iver
since thin tn South has been runnin' tn Govern
int ,r-fT,or 81
Mind ye thin fellows done all this grand fghtin'
on less food thin an invalid lady wud ordher IF
lunch If she was payin tn check Me frind told me
that Ginral Lee lived on a soup made out iv billed
cabbage an without runnin' down amy iv our own
heroes, there was man I'd have me money on
amy time there was free-fr-an started be amy
wan. wisht he was alive to-day I'd vote fr him to
be perpetchoo Prisidint
mo, sir, It's me opinyon this here war will last
ontil tn fellows that ARE runnin' it passes away
FIRM Of age. II We want good long conservative
war, guaranteed to wear a lifetime We have to hire
machure gin'Fals. young fellow is too impechuse
He's apt to Spite it. He's apt to feel good some
mornin' an want to go out an fight, an tn first
thing ye know III war is all don't know any
Job fr fellow iv my age that's betther thin runnin
war. It's raildly excitin' TIL pay is good an many
bright eye viii wink at man Nv sixty-fve in a
unyform that wuddint further at tn same oil buck
IL # saw him in wooden muller goin' to tn dhrug
store fr bottle iv liniment r. his knee There's
nawthin' I'd like betther Twould give me a healthy
occupation, I'd look well in gold braid an 'twould
take me mind OF tn day whin Casey will be comm
round with his tape line an his crate I'd made #
long. aisy-goin' war ia 90 home firm time to
time to let thin pin tn medals on me chest an
make me a Jock, but I'd niver permit it to discend
to tn level ~ mere brawl."