Ladysmith news-budget. [volume] (Ladysmith, Rusk County, Wis.) 1907-1927, 1916-10-13
FINNEGAN'S PHILOSOPHY
pitiless Publicity

Il see Mr.. Hughes Wud like to know
fwhat's come to 'Pitiless Publicity.
Meself could tell him. Where's Pitt
less Publicity?"' says Hughes. In the
Ash Cam says l. Twas all right on
the stump, but in Washin ton It's diff
fer. The Harp that waLst through
Trenton's halls - name Tumulty.
Whin he bursts into song now he picks
his chune!
.'Tis not that Prisidint Wilson is
less public than Candydate Wilson
he's less pitiless. 'Tis like the show
man. He tells We all, an more, about
tn illyfant, but he has mintal res-va-
shune about the spotted baby.
$50 it is wild Wilson. He's sof'ned
the hard heart iv 'Pitiless Publicity
How about the Postmasters?' axes
the refawrumers. Well niver tell We,
says the C'mishun. For whyY says
the League T'wid embar'ss TIL Ad
ministhrashun,' says the C'mishun.
And the people laughs. .Ye fired tn
I1Iu VI Lie Sluouo, odyo luShSo. ~
lie,' says Redfeld. He raysined wild
out bein' axed,' says he. 'Ye lie YER
SELF says Durand. 'Ye towld me ye'd
fire me, an We gev me place to
politician, says Durand. Ixac'ly
fwhat l said,' yells Pink Whiskers, Il
was goin' to fire We anyway, but
niver axed We to raysine,' says Pinky.
An the people roars.
Tell us about all thin Dishurvin'
Dimmycrats,' says the people. An
Washin'ton is swep' be a storm Nv
silence.
But doan't We think there's no pub
licity at all. Teddy himself was none
gunshy with the papers, but he cud
be quiet too.
Well grab some land in Vinzu-
eely,' says the Ambassydure, 'tem'pri-
ly,' says he Yell not says Teddy,
yell agree to arbitrate, says he, or,
he says, in tin days Dewey'll be there
says Teddy.
Me Ry'le Masther will niver con-
sint,' says TIL other. Thin says Ted
dy, III sind Dewey at wanst. There's
no use waitin,' Teddy says. How'd
'em,' says the Ambassydure. We
agree, says he. an divil bit did we
know how it was for dozen year.
"'We'll have Ferdy Carey alive or
the Bashi Bazook dead says Teddy,
an back comes Ferdy. An the papers
says, On demand iv the State Depart
ment Ferdy Carey has been released
An that's all
''How is it now? The greasers
slaughters twinty at Sanity Isabel.
Another Mexican Crisis says the
headlines. 3Twinty Americans killed.
they says. The President Calm says
they 'Ates Bacon and Eggs. Plays
Goluf,' says the headlines. An the pa
per goes on:
The Prisidint's appetite at break
fast was good, tn leader iv the ma
shun gettin' outside iv grape fruit, ba-
con an eggs, hot biscuit an coffee.
Whin Docther Grayson announced the
bill iv fare the tinshun over Mexico
was much relaved
"'The Prisidint is solvin' in privacy
the fateful question, "Will me throat
last?" The answer is waited wild fe-
verish anxiety
"Mondah the papers says: 'Nashunal
Disaster! Sore Throat Feared! Panic
at the Capital! The Prisidint Calm!
CONSERVATION was spread among
all classes today be the report that
the Prisidint awoke with sore throat.
Strong men tainted before they cud
reach the nearest saloon. There is
talk iv appintin' day iv prayer. It is
hoped that Senior Arre-ye-on-though
will claim that the dead Americans
raysisted ixicushun A high authority
states that this wud end the crisis.
The Prisidint made but wan remark:
been kilt.
"Choosdah, they says, Hope revives.
No sore throat. Bitten by insect.
President calm. All Phrases iv Mat
Their to be considered.
"'The anxiety in the Capital was re-
layed today be the followin' bulletin:
"."The Prisidint has slight per-
foration in the cuticle over the infery-
ure maximary caused be insect bitin'
him whin asleep. The patient was too
proud to scratch. (Signed) ,Grayson."
cit is reported also that Gineral
Scott will go to the border to bury the
dead, and apologize to the Insurgents.
He will axe Carranzy, whether he wud
accept loan if offered. This is con-
sidered the thrue Sutton iv the diff
Guilty
"Winsdah the Prisidint goes motor
in, Thursdah he writes note and
Gineral Scott starts for the border.
Fridah the headlines says Peace in
Europe near. President studyin' terms.
Will he stop the war? Another note
expected. Capital excited over report.
s"But we're comforted be bein' towld
the Prisidint will not be betrayed
into hasty ackshun.
".Sundah, he's considerin' tn Ar
menyan question, an Mondah he adj
vises Grandmothers about suckiH'
eggs And another crisis is past.
so it goes ivry day. AS / was say