The sun., 1916-11-09
IFJOSEPHUS HAD SAID DAMN
Search for the Missing Blonde Leads
to o Blind Alley.

" sho fHp'SIn DHOuVV AtVou
to q Blind Alley.
To THE EDITOR OF The SuN-Sir: II
seems to me that there are few things.
In this world OF ultra selhshness where
men engage In business only for gain or
put forth their efforts only for results.
finer than true friendship. sehe kind of
friendship that does not wait for you TO
say what will you have?"; the kind
Of friendship which Is not more ready
to claim you as a friend simply because
you happen TO have "A speaking ac-
quaintance with many OF New York's
leading bartenders; the kind Of friend
ship which greets you with a smile
whether you drink whiskey straight or
ginger ale. Personally I never put my
friends to the latter test.
II Is such a friendship. then, that I
hold for my old friend Bill. and 1t was
because OF that friendship that for a few
hours / gave up the search for my lost
blonde sister-in-law and tried TO COM
fort him IN an hour when. in a cafe.
found him plunged In gloom. lie had
been there quite a long time. II seems.
1 W. lIlb W tnttI W.. but lie 'pHkeE it
stayed the gloomier he got. was al
together at a loss to know what Ia do
:or the poor fellow. As I sat and talked
with him / absentmindedly played with
the box OF matches before me.
gave me an inspiration.
II CHANGED that / was sitting on his
left. Taking care that he should not
notice, I lii a match and. reaching
around his neck. held the lame OF 4, Just
under the lobe OF his right ear. AT
first he paid no attention. he was so oc-
cupied with being gloomy. Then sud
denly he began to brighten visioly.
Somebody thinks weii Of me after all"
he said, turning to me. ! followed his
ear with the match. 'My right ear 10
burning he said.
Then he gradually began to lose his
gloomy mood and presently HIS whole
being fairly radiated with geniality. /
Was delighted with the success OF my
experiment. being careful all the while
to keep his ear at an even temperature.
So afraid was / that Bill would sud-
denly revert to gloom and despair that
I called the walter and demanded
another box of matches. Then II &C.
CURED to me hat I was using up too
much right ear. I mean burning up too
much ear, for one occasion. Depres-
sion, like thirst. is likely TO return. II
not periodically. al intervals. and B!l's
right ear by this time was pretty thor
oughly incinerated. know that II ia
said that when Holsters lose a claw :
new one grows out. and Bill has often
been caled a lobster. But that Is
-.- 49,, n, .rt ,,A,,lt aap
Just here permit a DEPRESSION. WIS
!s it that by common consent apparently
Mr.. K,pling has an unregistered copy
right on the expression But that IL
another story why IL It hat nine
out OF ten times when that expression
is used the phrase as Kipling would
say" is added. just 4 copyrighted by
50 and SO Is stamped on a print or
a book? Suppose Josephus. the early
Jewish historian, not the Secretary OF
the Navy. had been among the first to
use that soul relieving exclamation
damn n used it so much that II
got to be so associated with his name
that common usage compelled you every
time you said damn to add "as Jo-
sephus would say" Why. then those
f~orceful expressions OF opinion the first
word of which is almost invariably
damn and whose efficacy depends on
their s~pontaneity and rapidity or utter
ance would lose their punch.
So then Bill and | sailed forth once
more in the search for my wife's lost sis
ter. The dictionary gives the meaning OF
Authorization as belief In something Inn
aginary, For this reason ] declare that
when I saw a tall. stunning blonde
enter the doorway of a large apartment
my belief that she was my lost sister
in-law was no hallucination on my part.
In fact had been so abstem!ous that
day that my Imagination had no ex-
hilarating foundation on which to create
n delusion. Disconsolately Bill and !
crossed the street and gazed up at the
building. Then for a moment her face
appeared at "A window and then van
!shed. but at Just what window in the
facade Of that huge human honeycomb
| could not tell. So close was | now
Oh the track that ! must use my poor
wits as best ! might,
A red box fixed to n red post sur
mounted by a red light gave me an
idea. Telling Bill TO watch the build
ing. I ran and turned In an alarm Of
fire. ! knew l was breaking the law.
that | faced arrest and fine, perhaps Inn
prisonment. yet there ] stood by the
janglIng box. had faith to believe
that the arrival OF the fire apparatus
would bring her to the window again,
How long the few minutes were in pass
ing! Just AZ / began to hear the faint
shrill whistles and insistent moaning OF
the sirens above the din OF the machine
gunllke exhaust OF the automatics a
curious thing happened. In another
building up the street sounded n dull
thud. Then a window WAS blown out
and the broken glass tinkled on the
pavement. a second later a pun OF
heavy smoke was followed by a flare OF
vicious flame. There was a real fire
after all. Did you pull the box" Yer
jdid? Great. Yerll right" exclaimed
the policeman who rushed up. Their
amid the excitement and confusion, tn,
heavy clouds OF soft coal smoke, Bill ant
l watched. but never II glimpse did W
get Of my lost blonde sister-in-law.
Ny-uy Vnpu Nnarnh T u