The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1916-08-31
DINNER STORIES

One of those dear old absent-mind-
ed professors came to visit a married
niece and to see the two-year-old baby
he had never seen before He listened
to a fascinating account of the ehild's
accomplishments.
Can he walk" asked the pleasant
old gentleman.
ooh, my yes." said the mother
months
The pleasant o. g. lapsed into an
other fit of abstraction.
He must have gone quite a ways
in that time!"
'And how long were you in your
last place? % asked Mrs. Blank. as the
most promising and at the same Time
the plainest of the applicants for the
vacant situation appeared before her.
well, num- replied the girl, IF
L. tell the truth, 1 was no sooner in
| than I was out again.
tHow extraordinary. Can you ac-
count for it ?'
mo. mum, unless it is that I'm
good-looking=not that I says I am,
but the ladyS says to me: Your master
has a liking for pretty faces and Is a
good judge of beauty. ~ l.f-
'fWen, I just looked at her and said
| that from what 1 could see of things
her husband had made at least one
mistake When 1 come to my senses
1 was lying at the foot of the steps
with my box on top of me-
| The pretty restaurant cashier had
applied for a holiday.
1T must recuperate.' she said. ''My
| beauty is beginning to fade.
THAT so?'' said the proprietor.
What makes you think So
1.-The men are beginning to count
| their change.
| She got her holiday.
A DISTINGUISHED theo1ogian was in
vited to make an address before
Sunday school. The divine apparent
and spoke for over an hour. his re-
marks beng of too deep a character
| for the average juvenile mind to COM
prehend.
At the conclusion the superintend-
| emit accordinging to custom, requested
| some one in the school to name an
appropriate hymn to be sung;
s'Sing Revive us again, :" shouted
how in the rear of the room.-The
Christian Herald.
| MAGISTRATE, to Mr.. Simple, who has
been summoned for creating disturb
ance and giving false alarms-''Well!
| Guilty or not guilty."
Mr. Simple-Guilty, sir: but it was
like this, sir. On my way home
| found a policeman's whistle. My son
| being i'll, 1 let him play with it, and
he accidentally swallowed it, and now
he's got whooping sough, and every
/ time he coughs / get the house sur
rounded by policemen.
| A woodman coming into the city of
Vancouver, B. C., walked into a restau-
smile passed over his face. After a
slight pause he said: Bring me some
| fly specks' ''Sir?" said the waiter,
haughtily- Haven't you got fly
specks,'' inquired the man. mo, sir"
| lily. Then quoth the woodman,
take them off the bill of fare
GLADYS" remarked a dear but ir-
responsible young thing of this town,
I'm very much afraid my bank is in
| a bad way"
.'Nonsense!' said the other why
that bank is one of the strongest
financial institutions in the country.
Wherever did you get that idea ~
! It's very strange" said Gladys, still
unconvinced. They've just returned
a check of mine for $40 marked No
Funds
|
| In looking thru the morning or eve
! ing paper for news, depend upon the
| Associated Press; most of the unre-
| liable, foolish and sensational news
paper stories are special kilograms
| The Associated Press is occa sionally
| mistaken, but it honestly tries to be
| fair and tell the truth; it is pity that
the local news in papers is not as well
written and reliable the Associated
| Press kilograms.
Melville Z. Stone, general manager
of the Associated Press, is our most
fair and capable journalist. Schools
of Journalism should hang his picture
on their walls. and teach his methods
There is not a newspaper staff in this
country averaging as fair and intel
ligent as the Associated Press staff.
which is made up of the cream of
newspaper workers
Hundreds of kilograms printed as
Associated Press kilograms are really
written by prejudiced special cores
1 pondents; they are printed as coming
from the Associated Press in order
that they may be given responsibility.
l-E. w. Howe's Monthly.