davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1916-10-21
LETTING HIM DOWN EASY
Congressman's Carefully Prepared Ar
tlcle at Least Did Not Have Con-
temptuous Rejection.

When Representative Simeon d.
Fess of Ohio was in New York a
while ago making speech at big
banquet he fell in with Hamilton
Holt, editor of a New York maga-
zine.
Holt readily saw that Fess was a
man of unusual scholarship aud
sapience, and asked him if he
wouldn't write him an article or two
for his magazine at the usual rates.
"Well, | can't promise" replied
Fess. "A congressman's life is a
rather busy one, Of course, and
don't have much time for writing ar
ticles, much as | should like to.
What would you want me to write
about?"
"Oh, anything at ALL" said Holt.
"We'll leave that to you. But please
write us something" he coaxed
Still Fess wouldn't promise,
though Holt was insistent.
A week or two later Fess got to
thinking that it was rather mean not
TO oblige Editor Holt, and he sat up
one night to prepare a learned ar
ticle for the magazine He sat up
again the next night polishing up
the piece, and though he went about
yawning for day or so thereafter,
he at least had the satisfaction of
knowing that he had done something
to boost the general average of cur
rent literature, besides obliging Edi-
tor Holt.
The article did not reach Holt,
but fell by chance into the hands Of
one Of his assistants. So, in about
ten days, Fess received bulky en-
velope in the mail. 1t contained his
little piece and a rather formally
worded printed slip, which read:
"The rejection of this article does
not necessarily imply lack of merit.
| etc
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1916-10-21
JAPAN NOW IN FIFTH PLACE
In Population. the MIkado's Empire
Takes That Position Among the
Nations Of the World.

The statistical bureau has an
nounced the population of Japan at
the end of 1913. the figures for
Japan proper being 53.356,295 aud
l5,l69.923 additional for Chosen,
3.265. .l69 for Formosa. and 1851
for Saghalien This makes the en-
tire population of Japan 7l,793.07s.
On the rough estimate Of the worlds
population at LAO, 100000 Japan
has little over 40 per cent. In
population Japan proper ranks fifth
among the great countries of the
world, China coming first, Russia,
the United States of America and
Germany next in order.
The increase of population in
Japan proper is very rapid, the av-
erage in the five years previous to
1913 being l.5 per cent a year. This
is more rapid increase than in any
of the European powers, says the
Tokyo (Japan) Advertiser. The
density of population is great, COM
ing next to Belgium, the Neither
lands and England. The population
in Japan is 1884 per square mile. AS
to the proportion of sexes. Japan's
population is quite distinct from the
European countries. There are
1924 males for every 100 females,
due to the greater death rate of
young females. The proportion Of
the married and unmarried is "a per
cent against 66 per cent, and the
percentage Of the latter is growing.
This is because of poverty and late
marriages New York Evening
Post.
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1916-10-21
TO AVERT BUTTON FAMINE
Artificial Propagation OF Pesrly Mus
sells is Being Given Most Serious
Consideration.

A great laboratory has been es-
tablished on the Mississippi river,
says the National Geographic Maga-
zne, where experiments have been in
progress to determine how the pearly
mussels may be artifclally increased
so that the many factories making
buttons therefrom may not have to
shut down following the exhaustion
of the mussel beds by unregulated
fishing.
An entirely new problem in aqui-
culture was here presented, and has
now been satisfactorily solved
through the discovery that the young
mussels, while still in a microscopic
aryal stage, must attach themselves
to the gills of particular fishes in or
der to develop, and that unless the
fishes for which the different kinds
of mussels have a selective affinity
are available none of the young will
survive.
The fish hosts of the various inn
portant button-making mussels have
been determined and it is the prov
ince OF the laboratory to provide
those fishes and have them inoculate
themselves by swimming in tanks or
ponds in which the spawning mus
sells have been placed When a fish
is sufficiently infected, it is turned
loose in the river, and in few
weeks the young mussels. having at
tained proper development, be-
come detached from the gills, fall to
the bottom Of the stream, and begin
their independent existence
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1916-10-21
CONSCIENCE HAS BEEN BUSY
Record Sum Was Sent to the Fund
During Last Fiscal Year, II
is Reported.

The treasury department reports
that during the last fiscal year the
conscience fund" has been increased
by more than $4,000, the largest
amount ever contributed before IN
one year. How busy conscience has
been measuring itself in terms of
dollars and cents may be judged by
contrasting this contribution with
the niggardly $3.50 received in 1891,
the year the fund came into exist
ence.
In fact, conscience has recently
been unusually active, not only in
enriching the federal treasury, but
10 helping private and public cor
porations and individuals. An Ohio
man paid 25 cents for apples stolen
six years ago; Californian paid a
newspaper subscription SO years
overdue; a woman sent stamps to a
Kansas City street railway company
to pay for four rides, and Pennsyl-
vanian paid up a hotel bin he
skipped 25 years ago. Billy Sunday
reyivals, religion, an awakened pub
lie, civic or national Righteousness
have all been held responsible.
But where conscience had cleal
field for good it seems to have failed
There is nothing to indicate that il
made even dent in congress 1t ha,
not struck the places of Europe'l
high and mighty hard enough to enc
the carnage of battlefield. 1t has yer
time enough to awaken in the sou
of the orators. And what a chanc,
of mans lifetime it will have
early next November New Yorl
Sun.
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1916-10-21
NEW WAY or CURING MEAT
Brazilian Company Has Been Formed
to Exploit Nonrefrieerating
Process.

A company has been formed in
Rio de Janeiro, Brazil, according to
Consul General Alfred l.. NJ. Colts
chalk, to exploit a process for pre-
serving meats without the use of re-
frigeration. The Brazilian people
consume relatively large quantities
of beef, he says, and have shown
great interest in the process to be
used by the new company. Most Of
the meat consumption of Brazil is in
the form of "xarque, jerked beef,
or ''blltong," and the new process is
said to produce results almost equal
to those of the ordinary refrigerat-
ing methods, which are much more
costly.
The treatment consists of boning
the meat and putting it through a
certain slight sailing; then immers-
ing it in special tanks containing a
picking preparation formed of meat
Juices and melted salt, where it is
left ten days. 1t is claimed that the
meat SO treated is preserved indef-
nitely, whether exposed later to air,
heat, moisture or extreme cold. 1t
has a somewhat dark appearance,
similar to that of dried meat. but
once dipped in water it resumes its
original color. The process, which
has been patented, has already been
tried out in small factories. Those
interested in the new company lay
stress upon its usefulness in view of
the difficulties and cost which attend
the installation Of refrigerating
plants.
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1916-10-21
EXTREME CAUTION.

How would you like to make one
million dollars in one year out of a
gold miney' asked the shfty promo
ter.
Nothing would please me better
answered Mr.. Du0waite.
Then, you are just the man I'm
looking for
81 think not.
But you just said"
That | would like to make one mil
lion dollars out Of gold mine in one
year. SO would, but 1 wouldn't invest
a dollar in the scheme unless the shaft
was sunk in my own back yard, and
enough highs grade ore were taken out
the first day to pay off the mortgage
on my house"
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1916-10-21
NOT A FULL OCCASION.

''Groggs can't take any kind of a
holiday without getting drunk.
met him this afternoon and he was
half shot"
"lt is wonder he wasn't para
lyzed."
"But remember this is only half
holiday"
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1916-10-21
SELFISH PREFERENCE.

$50 you prefer grand opera to mu-
sical comedy"
Yes" replied Mr.. Cumrox.
Grand opera doesn't offer so much
temptation to the folks around the
house to make life a burden by try
ing to whistle the tunes or initiate
the comedy"
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1916-10-21
astSd Eneruy.

Rolllns-l see your friend Skinner
has another SELLING Out at Cost" sign
tackled across the front of his store.
Parker-Yes. Don't you know
think Skinner missed his vocationi I
He should have been a political cam
paign manager.
Rollins-Because why?
Parker-Because he is so good at
mailing lies.
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1916-10-21
RURAL SOLUTION.

Knicker-Which came first, the
egg or the chicken?
Booker We didn't get either in
the country.
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1916-10-21
HIS MOTIVE.

Congressman Twobble is a man
who gives great deal of thought to
his personal appearance.
"Why, he never looks well
groomed."
"Of course not. He studiously af-
fects certain negligence in dress to
convince the voters that he is a man
Of democratic ideals"
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1916-10-21
Something Wrong Somewhere.

THAT automobile salesman is per-
sistent fellow. He simply won't let ms
alone"
You can't blame him for trying his
best to sell you a car
"Under the circumstances / do.
think 1t rather Inconsistent of him to
act that way when he claims the ear
sells Itself"
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1916-10-21
FIXING HIS STATUS.

Landlady-That new boarder is
either a married man or a widower.
Pretty Daughter-Why, ma; he
says he is bachelor.
Landlady-Well, | don't believe
it. When he opens his pocketbook to
pay his board he always turns his
back to me.
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1916-10-21
No Blood Spilled.

THE oid-fashioned bad man used to
clean up town with a pair of six
shooters"
True. | think modern methods are
better"
"Yes?"
Nowadays when it becomes neces-
sary to clean up a town we merely
send out few fat inspectors to ter
rorize our foreign population en-
gagged in the restaurant and fruit bust
ness"
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1916-10-21
A Sumnathetic cornner.

"And was her death sudden?" asked
the, coroner of the principal witness.
"Yes," was the reply. The fall
knocked her senseless, and she never
spoke word afterward"
Poor woman!" signeu The coroner
who was a married man of long stand
ing. what an awfully sad death
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1916-10-21
FATHERS FIRST THOUGHT.

MctIer-I'm afraid our daughter
has lost her head completely over
that youne man.
Father-I Zen of course she won't
need that new hat you were going to
get her.-Boston Transcript
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1916-10-21
An Honest Confession.

"Then you do not claim to be a self
made man?" said the astonished re-
porter.
mo, indeed" replied the millionaire
manufacturer "The wealth / have
piled up is due TO the industry and
faithfuIness of the people in my en-
ploy."
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1916-10-21

Yes; find the narrative in this die
tionary of MIR. Webster's exceedingly
comprehensive, but woefully dlscon-
nected."
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1916-10-21
FIXING HIS STATUS.

Landlady-That new boarder is
either married man or widower.
Pretty Daughter-Why, ma; he
says he is a bachelor.
Landlady-Well, | don't believe
it. When he opens his pocketbook to
pay his board he always turns his
back to me.
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1916-10-21

Little Boston Black--What's a
critic, ma?
MA critic, NAH son, as one
who neber approves of anything
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1916-10-21
FAINT HOPE.

'What do you think Miss Old
girl asked the doctor, and she forty
if she's a day."
what did she ask him? ?"
'lf he thought she had infanale
paralysis"
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1916-10-21

to apologize when you happen to spill
something on the tablecloth."
Il suppose that's true, on formal oc-
casions," replied Mr.. Twobble, thought
fully, but whenever do anything like
that at home Mrs. Twobble always
looks as if she demanded an apology"
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1916-10-21
The Real Thinu

"My idea Of a wise man." said the
youth who imagines he knows things,
sis one who knows when 10 stop talk
ing"
"A man who possesses the genuine
brand of wisdom" rejoined the Shel-
byviile Sage, '1s one who knows when
not to begin"
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1916-10-21
FREE TRADE.

Free trade triumphed in England
in 1916, when the famous corn
laws were abolished. The doctrine
Of free trade was practically created
by Adam Smiths great work known
as "The Wealth of Nations" pub
lished in 17f6.
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1916-10-21
On the lui Vive.

How is the scenery out where you
live?"
Infinitely varied. Billboards are
plentiful and the advertisements are
frequently changed. Last month it was
automobiles. This month it is ciga,
rettes. We can hardly wait to see
what next month will bring forth"
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1916-10-21
LET HIM GO.

81 hope my husband won't drink
while am gone"
"1ou are foolish. When | came
home last summer my husband had
accumulated enough old bottles to
pay for my fall outfit"
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1916-10-21
PROOF IN THE PUDDING.

Said the cook to the mistress
We're out Of nutmeg, ma am
Said the mistress to the cook
YES, when | tasted the pudding /
saw the CRATE need of it,"
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1916-10-21
SHOWING 1T.

81 understand your friend is en-
Enthusiastically pro-Ally"
q should say so. When he was
invited to a frolic and found they
were going to dance the german he
took French leave"
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1916-10-21
MAKING UP FOR 1T.

"Say, is that fierce-looking dog of
yours blooded stock ?"
"No, but anything he meets in the
dog line is.
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1916-10-21
Worth Rememberina.

''The American eagle is bald, un-
deGstand," said the foreign visitor.
quite So replied the military pa
triot but contrary to the belief of
some people that is his natural state,
The covering of his head was not
snatched off by hostile hands after he
reached the age of maturity"
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1916-10-21
TOO FRESH.

Percy-My love for you is ike the
deep, blue sea-
Maude-And | take it with the
corresponding amount of salt.
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1916-10-21

Helen-So you are acquainted with
Mr.. Phillips? He's fairly good look
ing. don't you think?
Mildred-Ye-es, and they say he has
money. l shouldn't mind marrying
him once.
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1916-10-21
Somethino Wrono.

Askitt-Didn't you say Newed's mar
riage was the result Of love at first
sightl
Notifies.
Askitt-Well, that accounts for il.
Nott-Accounts for what?
Askitt-lIis asking me for the ad-
dress of a reliable o~gist this morn
ing.
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1916-10-21
His Attitude.

what is your attitude toward
canned music?'
THAT depends on where l happen
to be-" replied the tactful man.
"Yes?"
"If am visiting people l don't
know very well and canned music is
provided, / simulate enjoyment, but
If | happen to be among intimate
friends, / let my features express my
true feelings"
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1916-10-21

Smiley hope you won't mind if |
bring couple of friends home to din
ner tonight, my dear?
Mrs. Smiley-Oh, no; that is better
tLan being brought home by couple
Of friends after dinner.
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1916-10-21
Well Informed.

This tourist has an important air"
"Yes. He's been around the world
nine times"
Indeed He must know great
deal about foreign countries"
"Name any capital in Europe and
he can tell you the best restaurant
there"
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1916-10-21
An Economist.

Did that colleague of, ours ever
study political economy?"
"Yes," replied Senator Sorghum
But his only idea of political economy
is TO make somebody else do the econ
omizing while he grabs the appropri-
ations7
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1916-10-21
Inyestiustind,

Reddy the Yegg-You write burglar
insurance, don't you?
Agent-Certainly sir.
Reddy-What 1 want to know is do
you insure 'em against death an acct
dents only or do you insure 'em against
convictions also?
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1916-10-21
NO DIFFERENT.

What sort of woman is Per-
kins' wife,"
'l'he ordinary kind. guess Per-
kins has as much trouble with her as
the rest of us do with our wives. -
Detroit Free Press.
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1916-10-21
LOST BY THE WAYsIpE.

Old Gentleman-Don't you know
where you live, little boy?
Little Boy-Yes; but me don't
know how to get there
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1916-10-21
A Paradox.

"Who is that man who keeps busy
day and night seven days a week?"
Hes one of the organizers who are
contending that no man should work
more than eight hours a day."
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1916-10-21
NOT ABSOLUTELY SELFISH.

Irate Farmer DO you think you
own tins road?
Motorist Dear me, no. There
are other motorists!
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1916-10-21
The Record

Atlas wearily shifted the world
from one shoulder to another to get
little ease.
Il guess he muttered, II am the
first victim of these hold-up methods"
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1916-10-21
MOST HE COULD SAY.

Caddie (at moment of putting -
Ka-choo-ooo.
Clergyman Golfer You-you-
you naughty caddiel
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1916-10-21
NOT WANTED.

"Here's a funny one on aviation. !"
"What is it?"
"This man says the science has
now gained a solid footing
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1916-10-21
Most Unusual.

"Here is remarkable volume OF
short stories just issued by we'll
known publisher"
'Why do you think it's remarkableT'
"There isn't an aviator hero in the
entire series"
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1916-10-21

"Did you have anything in your
eye when you went out to look at
suburban sites ?"
"About a ton OF cinders."
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1916-10-21
NECESSARY.

Anna-Has your sweetheart been
ordered TO camp?
Bella-Yes; now | must fall back
on my reserves.
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1916-10-21
THE RESULT.

"China can't get the loan in this
country it asked"
81 guess that means a bad break
in China"
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1916-10-21
1T ALI. DEPENDS.

Telephones are great time savers.
aren't they? ?"
"Well, that depends upon who
calls you up"
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1916-10-21
No ADVANTAGE.

you say your husband is deafY
"Yes, but he can read lip language.
l can't call him mean things. Just
have to think them, the same as any
other wife. e."-Louisville Courier-Jour-
nal.
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1916-10-21
WELL AND SICK.

"He means we'll"
Il know it; but somehow or other
its the well-meaning chap that
seems always to make me sick"
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1916-10-21
A SUBSTITUTE.

Some magistrate suggests that
they take finger prints of mashers.
Prints of the booty would be
more effective"
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1916-10-21
You'll Know Him.

He's an old time jay.
You'll say So, too.
When you hear rim say
Fer me and you"
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1916-10-21
A DIFFERENT SORT OF GOOSE.

The goose that laid the golden egg
was boasting again.
"But," we pointed out, "you are
not the sort that saved Rome"
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1916-10-21
NATURAL AFFINITY.

"Did you notice in what hoarse
tones Mr.. Snitlles spoke?"
"That must be because he's got
the hay fever"
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1916-10-21
DEEP STUFF.

"I'm digging a well for exercise. /"
GLOW are you getting NJ"
Fine. Drop in on me some day. +"
Life.
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1916-10-21

He-Iou fondle that pug puppy un.
Ill am actually jealous of him
She-Iou're all alike. This puppy is
jealous of you.
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1916-10-21
A MERE DETAIL.

We've learned a lot from the
present war"
eyes, indeed. Everything except
what it's all about"
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1916-10-21
vocIFERoUs ATTIRE.

What is that loud noise in the
hall?"
9! guess it is Tom in his new
crash suit"
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1916-10-21
BRIEFLY EXPLAINED.

"Why have you named this corn
the Jackrabbit variety?"
Long ears" Louisville Courier.
Journal.
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1916-10-21
ITS GLASS.

Billy is nothing but a kid, but b,
follows that pretty Miss Pert like q
dog
"Sure he does; it's puppy love-"
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1916-10-21
Limited Vocabulary

''Dubwaite seems to be a plain-spo-
ken man"
"Still, like 10 see a person exercise
some judgment in the use of adjec-
uves."
"YeS?"
ut gets monotonous after a while
when he refers to everything he likes
as great and everything he dislikes
as punk"
Custer weekly chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, S.D.) 1890-1931, 1916-10-21
Romance VS.. r Nality.

Gently the dew Ger me s falling"
Doubtless the poets words were true:
For his landlord was probably calling
With the rent bill long overdue.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1916-01-19
dorado TAFT Is TO
GIVE LECTURE HERE

On Friday evening of this week one
of the most intensely interesting num-
bers on the Augustana Lyceum will
be presented, dorado Taft, perhaps the
most talented sculptor in America, oc-
cupying the platform. Mr.. Taft comes
highly recommended by the thousands
of lyceum patrons who have greeted
him with applause, and it was at an
unusual cost that the local manage
ment procured him. With his orig
inal line of discourse, his fascinating
stage presence, and his wonderful abil-
ity in his art he has never failed to
win the appreciation Of his many audi
ences, and lyceum lovers have not
failed to recognize his capacity as a
lecturer Of the first water. Mr.. Taft
is to entertain with his Lecture in
Clay and his main feature will be the
modelling in clay which he performs
in view of the people.