The Lakeland evening telegram. (Lakeland, Fla.) 1911-1922, 1916-06-26
By NJ. QUAD

with horse and buggy when l came
to the wreck of an auto In the ditch,
and farmer was tinkering at it He
had sledge. crowbar. an ak. a cold
chisel and a screwdriver and had work.
ed up nice little state of perspira-
ton.
you appear to have wreck here"
said as l drew In my horse.
APPEAR he shouted as he looked
up. IF this isn't the durndest wreck
anybody ever saw I'll eat my hatF'
How did it happen?"
How does anything happen to an
auto with a fool driving itT'
WAS it yoursT l asked, seeming a
story.
"0ne-f1fth OF her was mine up to
last night Now the whole sad remains
belong TO me. Did you ever hear of
the cooperative plan among farmersT
Lots Of times"
"WRal, then, this was cooperation In
buyin' and runnin' an automobile, and
this Is one of the results of it. The
other result is that l am about $500
out of pocket and have lost a wilder
want to hear all about 1t I'll tell you,
for l guess it hain't any use to tinker
any more at this blamed old thing"
The farmer took seat on the NOR
tai remains of the auto and drew q
long breath and proceeded to say:
There was Tom Evans, Joe Baxter.
Jim Williams and 81 Perkins. They
are all farmers and live about here.
They are all married men, and each
one has a gang Of children. AS for
me, / am an old bachelor. but was
a-sparkin' Of the incest wilder woman
in this county. The four men have
mentioned come over to my house one
evenin' a month ago, and Tom Evans
he asks If l would go in with 'em on
the cooperative plan to buy an auto.
How muchT says l.
"a thousand says he.
"That's $3.50 EACH
"Jest so, Sam
"And the auto was bought"
queried.
"She was, sir. She arrived here glis-
TENN like a star, and she excited the
wonder of folks for ten miles around.
| We got Teller from town to show us
| how to run her. and In about a week
we was all ready to glide around the
country. Bein' was single man and
| nightly In love with a wilder, they
said l might take the auto out first,
which was very decent of them. felt
sure could run the machine as good
as any man In the state. 1t was a
bright moonlight night, and the whip
poorwills were singin' and the katy
dds chirpin. and that wilder woman
should promise to be mine before we
returned"
"And did she?' was asked as the
farmer heaved long sigh.
"She didn't, stranger, and I'll tell
you why. We had gone about mile
as steady as an old horse when the
auto SHE'D at stone in the road, ran
through a rail fence. wrecked the auto.
and the widow gave me fits"
| "It gets interesting" said.
Kinder interestin', stranger-kinder
so. We got machinist to tinker $50
worth of tinker, and the old machine
could run again. Then It was Toms
turn. He has a wife and five children,
and they all piled in. They was clip
pin along as happy as larks when
they came to a crossroad. The auto
was for keepin' straight ahead. Tom
] cd 20 kxtr en- khA oh M his
wife to the left, and the result was
that the machine run into and knock
ed over the guidepost and then tried
to climb a fence. The whole family
took a spill and was scattered for
twenty rods around. No one was kill
ed, and there was no broken bones,
but the bruises are yet blue. and Tom
still walks bent over like an old man
on account of the jar to his spine. By
this time we had all got skeery OF the
machine: but. 1t bein' now Jim's turn
and he not wantln' to be called q cow.
ard. he took out his family for prone
made. As the other accidents had oc-
cured at night, Jim went out In the
afternoon. He thought there might be
somethin' in the night air that affect.
ed the old critter. There was seven in
the family, and they was climbin' the
hill beyond the red ridge when all to
once the auto gave a snort and STOP
ped in her tracks.
whats the matterr asked Jim's
wife.
"'Durned II know. but she's got to
gor he answers.
"And she did go, sir-she went back
wards. There was screamin' and yell.
in and swearin', and Joe's wife slap
ped his face. but nothin' did any good
That auto kept on goin' backwards
until it dumped them all in the river
which was about three feet deep al
that time. They was shook up and
bruised and half drowned, but they
were lucky for all that They waded
ashore and left the old auto lynn on
its back in the river"
But you got 1t out againT' l asked
Eyes. We had to-" was the reply
1T was in tryin' to get the old crittei
home ag'in that she suddenly bolted
and run into telegraph pole and
wrecked herself as you see her"
"And she won't be tinkered uT
J again 2"
''She can't be. There's nothin' left
to tinker. unless the blacksmith thinks
he can make five wise men out Of the
! FIVE fools who bought her and lost
! about $3.50 aRjece. used to think CO
! operation Of farmers was a beautiful
thing. but durn my cats II I aim
through with itr'