The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1916-09-22
FINNECAN'S PHILOSOPHY
BALKAN.

tnaI knOWcu less IMAM MS ooNh"~'
took an Office to curse the people.
The Jackass saved them. IT'S all In
Number Twinty-two Och, hone! Ills
different these times. The Jackass
knew better till Balaam tanned him.
"Lave me ride ye,' says Balaam, an
I'll make we the biggest ASS In the
wurld'
Great says the ASS what dye
feedT
Pork says Balaam.
"'Me SAVIOR says the Ass.
$50 BALKAN mounts. But soon the
Jack balks.
"'Phwat is itY says Balaam.
"Snakes,' says the ASS; ut looks
like the jawbone Nv me mother
"'G'wan,' says Balaam, hittin' the
Ass a clip, tits me furren' policy,
he says.
"'Phwat's ut forT axes the ASS.
"'Ut defnds the nashun,' says Ba-
laam.
"'HowT says the Ass.
Faith; says Balaam, ut takes a
bigger Ass than you to know that.
Lave 1t to Brine says Balaam to the
ASS; an the Jack walks on medita-
tim.
"Hee, haw,' says the ASS, balkin'
an kickin'. 3
"'What nowT says Balaam.
"'Divil Jackass ever seen the like
says the ASS. ut could be frog,
says he, for ut stands up in front,
and sits down behind; an It's mostly
mouth says the ASS. ut has white q
feathers says the Jack wild yaller
streaks, that changes he says, to-
Very CroOz Red, or Niagary Blue, an
now they're Carrysall Yaller again.
says he. 'Hivins, have ! been drink
inT screams the Ass to Balaam.
"'Saints be praised says Balaam.
Me WatchfuI Waitin' can still change
its mind he says. 'G'wan, where
glory waits he says. 'G'wan, In the
service Nv Mankind says Balaam to-
the ASS, touching him up. An the
ASS shuffles ahead, wavin' his ears In
admiration.
"Hee-hawl Hee-hawv says the
Jack, rearin' up wild his eyes bulgin'.
"'Phwat's grippin' We nowT says
Balaam, impashunt like.
"T Dunno says the Ass. ut looks.
like the FLYNN Dutchman with So
cialist Crew. he says.
"'"Tis me Ship Bill says Balaam.
Side step to the right he says;
side step to the left says he, well
tin him. Back up says Balaam,
near wrenchin' Off the Jacks jaw.
Now forward for the Merchant Ma
rine an fifty millyun pork says Ba-
laam wild shower Nv blows; an the
Ass goes on thremblin'.
Wah-hee! Wah-hee! Wah-heer
says the Jack, shyn' so he near
threw his rider.
"'Pll learn We to shy at me Naval
Bill says Balaam, lar-rupin' the
haste so he cud scarce stand.
aye can't pass ut widout wearin'
Republican clothes, says the Jack in
a coarse whisper.
"'Ye ASS says Balaam. Don't We
know that amy cloes is betther nor
nakedness? G'wan,' says Balaam, in
tones Nv thunder. SO the poor haste
lopes on, limpin wild pain.
"I've not time to tell We all the adj
ventures they had, but they KEEP on
over rough roads, now an then eros
sin ditch on wan term plank,
which made even Balaam unaisy.
Iviry time the Jack kicked, he got
short rations an a wallop. SO when
the journey was near over, the Door
haste was all in, and far too proud to.
fight. Any Jack-Ass can be that
when he's licked.
"Wan stormy night, the Jack blooms
into harmony like a Dimycrat Tariff
Hymn played on gaspipe wild the
feet
"'Phwat ails We now? calls Balaam,.
clubbin' him wild both hands.
'Nivver did l pass the like yells
the Ass, sweating and thremblin'. ut
says uts an eight hour law. Oh, phwat
is utT screams the Ass to Balaam,
feebly Vaughn his ears.
II dinno phwat ut is meself.' saws
Balaam, but I know phwat ut's got
Balaam says.
'PhwatY axes the poor Ass.
"'Five hundther thousand votes.s
says Balaam, wild a pious air. 'G'wan,
We big Ass, an doant We argue wild
an Idaylist,' says BALKAN to the ASS.
ave can't pass ut in the dark
pleads the Ass. Lave us wait for
light means the Ass, weepin.
mix says Balaam. There's a hot
time comm an the votesll Spite.
Do We thurst for sixteen more years
in the wilderness? Giddap' says he.
'purgin' yer heart says Balaam, Nv
iviry thought that's SELFISH says Ba-
laam, or personal chants Balaam to
the poor Ass ticklin' the Jacks Stats
wild a couplin' pin.
'By this time the ASS was so wore
out wild his ardyOus labors, that he
knew no more than Balaam himself.
SO, wild one despairin' cry, he dropped
his ears, as he an his master stumbled
forward into the dark"