Evening public ledger. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1914-1942, 1916-08-04
DYNAMITE, ANTTOxTN
AND ARSENIC FURNISH
DIVERSION FOR GUARD
Diabolical Army Mules Try
Stunt With a Pennsylvania
Soldier, and the Mules
Don't Win
MULES "sK1NNER's" JOB
By CARL L. ZEISBERG
Evening Ledger staG Correspondsnt


Ell PAso. Tex. Aug. 4-"Hce.haw" at
Pennsylvania guardsman or say mules
| to him. and either he will grin from ear
| to ear or he will try to land you one" on
the ear. II all depends on whether he saw
| or felt the mule
More genuine humor OF the toughest sort
of slapstick variety has been injected into
| the National Guard camp life by the
mule than by any other one thing. There
| is no quiet humor In mule--until the dust
Of battle has settled; and then, nine times
| out of ten. there is a diabolIcal twinkle In
| the mules eye
Here la typical. narrowing example,
| with John Page. OF Ambulance Company
| No 2, Of Philadelphia, as the hero or victim.
| He Is guard at the House OF Correc-
| ton, and his strenuous civilian job prob
| ably was the underlying motive in his selec-
| tlon as mule skinner" for the doctors.
| The other actors-'bad actors" they-were
two mules. Antitoxin, a big riding mule,
and Arsenic little pack mule. both very
appropriately named, inasmuch as Antitoxin
Ia powerful and Arsenic is of venomous
nature
ANT1ToXIN BALKs
Page wanted Antitoxin to obey orders
Just what these orders were Is not essential.
The fact was Antitoxln didn't want to obey
any orders. no matter what they were IL
they had been to eat six rounds OF alfalfa,
Antltoxln would have balked. Unaware
that Antitoxin's wicked mind was In such
deplorable state, Page approached the Mis-
sourian affably. agreeably, then with sur
prise and finally with firm decision. He
spanked Antitoxin a father might chas-
tise child Tho next moment Page found
himself facing the dangerous end Of Ar
senlc, who was standing 1914 feet from
Antitoxin. He doesn't remember how he
got there.
well. what are you doing here?" pleas
antly inquired Page.
There was no answer from Arsenic, who
was meditating on the evils of life
you green-livered. red-eyed, whopper-
jawed, long -eared sea turkey" continued
Page Take that!" And he whacled that
portion of Arsenic's anatomy correspond
ing to that of COW from which butchers
carve rump steaks
VICTORY FOR PENNSY.
Witnesses say that for the next few
minutes Page resembled a shuttlecock as
he travelled with great rapidity between
the busy rear batteries OF Antitoxin and
Arsenic. But when he recovered from his
dizziness, like that well-known American
sea captain, he had just begun to fight and
when the fray had ended one OF those rare
victories scored by Pennsylvania over Mis-
souri, had been registered.
Two days was the time II required Cap
tain Fuller's and Captain Bradfords engi-
neers to conquer their issue Of lonB-eared
animals, Very few Of the engineers had
ever come In personal contact with any
tripod. The result may be imagined.
Dynamite, his brother, Dynamite II, Tri-
nitrotouene, their cousin, and Nitroglyc-
erin XIV - there are 81 Nitroglycerins
scattered throughout the regiments-left
camp one day without permission. 1t was
the last straw in a series of outraRes. The
entire battalion OF engineers was called out.
They found the mules at the close OF day
out on the horizon, fraternzing with horned
toads and prairie dogs There was fierce
battle and the mules were brought back to
camp-all but Dynamite II. He, perhaps,
is on the next horizon grazing on cactus and
limestone.
1t is not only the mule, but his dminutive
relative, the burro, that has the devil born
within his skin. This small model of mule
has all the mulish qualities under his quiet
exterior. He is not as violent as a mule,
may be bought. Two dollars and half or
drink OF flicker" Is the price demanded
by the Mexlcans who traffic in burros.
The burro's attitude Is unconsciousy hos
tile. Perhaps the donkey owned by Ser
geant Ted FurlonK OF the Second City
Troop-now Troop D-meant no harm when
he ate Joseph p. McGuire's leggings, but he
caused Mcclure to be late at roll call just
the same He ate the leggings in the same
spirit that he consumed n Of valuable
cantaloupes and library of magazines and
newspapers which some thoughtful mother
had sent to her son. That spirit was that
OF inherent wickedness
The army mule and his mind are not pure
fiction. The boys from Philadelphia who
were detailed as mule skinners" formerly
only read about the mule and his habits.
Now they know.