davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1916-06-18

speeches on Preparedness could be
persuaded to read aloud notice of sale
instead, Birsky, it would be better tor
the country. For instance, you take this
here general of the New York National
Guard which he makes speech that
Preparedness means compelling every
body to 90 for a soldier and get drilled
so hard that he practically loses his
mind and amt got sense enough to duck
when he sees a cannon ball coming his
way, understand. and if instead he
would have said: My friends: Pursu-
ant to judgment entered May 10th. 1916,
the undersigned will sell at public auc-
ton and so forth ct cetera,' some of his
audience might still have thought that
Preparedness was pretty good thing.
Also, Birsky. there is certain Prepare
fulness fellers making speeches and says
that. not mentioning no names nor moth
ing, but hypocritically speaking, yum
derstand, if certain nation in cont
nent which amt Europe, Africa, Aus
tralia or America, and living, We would
say, for example, on islands north of
the Philippines or somewheres like that,
was to land an army of thirty thousand
men in California. understand, that
they could walk away with the country,
because we amt got no navy to speak
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1916-06-18

Kansas, dry, there was only .000000l5
IN Nebraska, wet, then he would be talk
ing. Or put it another way, more at
tractive, Birsky, and say that during the
last ten or fifteen years, as the case may
be, that Kansas has been dry. y'under-
stand she has produced as many as
.0000000001 grand opera, whereas in
Nebraska. wet state, there was pro-
duced during the same period only
.0OO0OOOO012 grand opera. In one
Augenblick he shows you what Prohibl-
ton does for music, Birsky, and if a
drinking teller is fond of music. as
naturally a Shikkerer would be, Birsky,
he says to himself: 4 am drinking away
Americas chance of becoming an artis-
tic nation and he quits right then and
there"
"Well, I'll tell you" Birsky said "the
times is past when it was considered
that a musician a picture painter or
SchrVtSteler must got to be drinker
Zapp. Things is getting now to be on
an efficiency basis all around. A maya
zine oder publisher would no more con-
slider story from writer which drinks
than the Pennsylvania Railroad would
let work for them a Shikkerer as an en-
gineer, Zapp and the publisher is right,
too. The l.. NJ. W. of A. had the whole
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1916-06-18

traitors of the American Council of La
Dor, understand, consisting Of dele
gates from the Plumbers Union, the
Federated Poets of America. the Sand
hogs Union, the Rockmen and Excava-
tors Union, the CIR OPP. & Symph. Com
posers Local No. / and the Journeymen
Plasterers, and the boss publisher won
out"
$50 you mean to told me that authors
and poets is joining a union already?'
Zapp exclaimed.
"And actors Also Birsky said. "Only
last week the Actors has Joined the
American Federation of Labor, Zapp,
and the same like the railroad workers
is split up into Brotherhood of Locomo-
tive Engineers, Firemen's Union, Train
mems Union and Conductors Union,
Zapp, so you will see that there will be
Juvenile and Leading Mems Unions,
Brotherhood of Heavies and even Anal
gamated Prima-donnas, NIT union cards
and buttons, understand. In fact, |
wouldn't be surprised that if the Teller
which plays Admiral the Honorable Sir
Joseph Darby, X. c., VI. d., L. r. c. p,
comes on in the first act, understand,
and crosses to door R., UerStehSt du
mich, and says to Kirby: Lady Susan
is downstairs in the library. Tell her |
wish to see her here at once y'under
stand, even though Kirby is only foot
man, Zapp, he talks right up to him and
says: Have you got your January
card? and if the Admiral the Honorable
Sir has left it behind him in the dress
ing room, Zapp, either he would got to
90 back there and get it or tell Lady
Susan himself that he wants to see her,
because if Kirby tells her he's apt to
get fined ten dollars by the Union and
lose his card for the rest of the month.
That's what it's come to among actors.
Zapp, and don't care if teller would
be playing Hamlet even, he wouldn't be-
allowed to kill the King in the last act
unless him and the King could show
Horatio and Laertes and all them fellers
either button or a card for the current
month
"Aber unions is for workmen, not for
geniuses," Zapp declared.
What do you mean-geniuses ~
Birsky said. That's an awful back
number idee you got, Zapp. Do you
think nowadays it helps a man any ii
he is a genius? Theatrical managers
would just as lieve do genius as any
body else-liever even. Publishers is
the same way, Zapp; and so YOU see,
Zapp, genius needs union more than
a mechanic, because the people he works
for, recognizing that the poor Nebich is
genius and not business man, thinks
it is a pity to miss such an opportunity
when drawing the contract. On the
other hand, Preparedness felers don't
even admit that there is such a thing
as genius. Also they wouldn't recog-
nize that there is even talent in the
world In fact, Zapp, their idee of Pre-
parefulness is that smart business men.
street sweepers, architects, lawyers,
'longshoremen, doctors, poets and truck
drivers is all soldiers and should shoot
and be shot down as such. According
to them Preparedness fellers, the ideal
est condition country could be in is
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1916-06-18

that everybody should be strong enough
to get shot, but as that could never be
they are willing to save up for future
use fellers with kidney, heart and stoln.
ach trouble, cripples, lunatics and TIE
deaf, dumb and blind
q think, Birsky, you are pretty hard
on them Preparedness fellers," Zapp
said.
81 Judge 'em according to the speeches
they make" Birsky replied which
don't think they are talking about real
Preparedness against war any more as
Prohibitionists are talking about real
Preparedness against drunkards. To
one of them Preparedness fellers 81
men is soldiers. just as to Prohibition
list all drinks is rum. Pilsener IS rum
and Burgundy is rum, and all them gocA
light wines they drink by the quart in
the old country is also rum, Zapp. So
there you have it, Zapp. If America is
going to be drilled and worried the way
Germany, Russia and France was be.
fore the European trouble, and if Pro-
hibition means cutting off beer and light
wine with whiskey and rum, then Tn
preparedness and drunkenness amt 50
bad neither. Am | right or wrong
Zapp?'
you are and you amt" Zapp said
Maybe the Leute over here is Bliss
chen too peaceable. Maybe they need it
Preparedness the same like you've got
to jack 'em up NIT Prohibition, Blue
Laws and Antitrust Laws. People
overdoes things nowadays Former
times Teller would take once in while
a glass Schnapps, understand, and
gradually poison his kidneys like gen
tleman, Birsky, Gber nowadays he wants
to get ChdrOses of the liver in from
three weeks to month. and would, tco,
if it wasn't for prohibition laws. It's
the same way with doing business on
Sunday. In Paris, where they allow
Sunday opening, only the businesses IS
open on Sunday which is necessary for
the people who work six days n the
week that on the seventh they
should enjoy,-businesse like restau-
rants, theatres and cafes. yunderstard,
Gber in this country if we allowed that
4
sort of thing, Brsky, the international
Pressing Iron Company would claim:
Whereas their operators had worked
hard six days casting pressing irons in
a factory which would of made the not
room of a Turkish bath seem like cold
storage warehouse, understand me, that
the one thing necessary for them op-
orators to prevent 'em from spending
miserable Sunday with nothing on their
hands but time, understand, was to
allow them to cast pressing irons in
22O-degree factory. Also, Birsky, y
there was no antitrust laws. y'unoer-
stand. the entire business Of this coun-
try would be in one combination, and
the only people which knew the conlbi-
nation of the combination would be
George D. Rockafellar, Abraham Car
negie and J. c. Morgan
well. if there wasn't no Prepareful'
ness. Prohibition or Trusts, Zapp,"
Birsky asked what would you and
Bryan and Wilson and Roosevelt naks
speeches about?"
Copyright isls-ns Tnbup. An
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1916-06-18
r OWADAYS people don't do

net Zapp the waist manu-
facturer; they do 'em by from one and
five-eighths up to skies. In other words,
they overdo 'em, and they don't get the
results they expect to get"
Sure l know" Louis Birsky the real
estater agreed. "a Teller starts out to
get a million dollars in ten years-and
all he gets is the ten years"
I'm not talking from business" Zapp
said
Not alone business" Birsky said.
'cbut other things also. Take for in
stance getting married. Former times
when a teller married rich girl he
might have gone so far as not to warn
his wife's father and mother that they
we're digging their graves with their
stomachs, understand, but that was
the biggest extent of his impotence to
probate the will, Zapp. Nowadays, be-
fore he buys the wedding ring even, he
is already looking up in Carnegie Lii
brary is there or is there not book by
the name The Son-in-Law's Compan-
ion: or. How to Prepare One Hundred
Appetizing Dishes NIT Sinai of Potas-
SUM"
What has all this go to do NIT Pre-
parefulness, Birsky?" Zapp demanded;
which I was saying that when Prepare
fulness was coming in last year like cape
effects in taffeta dresses. Birsky, was
in favor of it, but they overdone it,
Birsky."
"Some women it suited. Zapp, Cber
not many, like white Shoes" Birsky
commented
Did l say something from white
shoes Zapp asked, and Birsky was
obliged to admit that he had not.
Then what the devil you are talking
nonsense Zapp continued. 81 was say
ing that nit Preparedness them people
which is trying to get it has already
overdone it. They started out to show
to the Leute of the United States what
Preparedness really means, Brsky,
and they ended up by showing that it
means that 10000 business men loses
whole day by walking up Broadway
and Fifth Avenue, and concerns which
expects goods by express didn't receive
them because the express wagons was
held up on the other side of Fifth Ave
nue. from A. NJ. to p. NJ. Prepare
fitness also means that if you pick up a
paper to see what is going on in the
world, understand you couldn't tell the
news section from the advertising sec
ton on account of the speeches for Pre-
parefulness which is printed twenty col
umns long in small type, like a notice of
sale in an action to forecloSe a second
lortgage on trunk line railroad NIT a
III description of all terminal property
ontaining 25,664 acres be the said sew
eral dimensions more or less
"You couldn't tell by the looks of the
printing what speech is about" Birsky
said.
81 agree with you, Birsky,' Zapp said
but ! already read some of them no
tees Of foreclosure sale, Birsby, and if
the fellers that are going round making
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1916-06-18
Blu MONTAGUE GLASS

Author of Potash Pcrlmutter" ABE and Mawruss,
Connecticut western news., 1916-11-09
HOME MISSION CONVENTION.

The Woman's Home Miss iJnary So. ciety convention at Hudson, N. Y, last Tuesday, was attended by nine representatives from the Canaan Meth odist church. Mrs. Ella H. Burns gave most interesting acrount of her visit to the Boylan Home IniustriuI Training school for negro gIrls at Jack sonville, Fla. This is one of the schools which the societies support. Miss Grace NJ. Roraback made an address on "The Supreme Task, " laying stress on efficiency in work, ill the planning and arranging of meetings so that the best results might be accomplished. Mrs l.. E. Travis was elected superintendent of Evangelistic work; Miss c. H. Rora back superintendent of supply work and Miss Mary Kane of young peoples work. The next meeting will be held in Canaan in 1917.
Connecticut western news., 1916-11-09
STATE PRISON ATTENDANTS

The State Civil Service Commission will hold tests Tuesday, Nov. 2l, 1916, at 3 o'clock at Room 72, State Capitol. Hartford, Conn.,, to fill eligible lists for state prison attendants, for imIned- fate appointments at Wethersfeld.
 Married and single men are wanted. Appointments come quickly as rule.
 Salaries are $55 per month at en. trance, or $40 in addition to board, room and laundry, with early promo tion if satisfactory. Capable men are appreciated. and civil service ap- pointees are quickly advanced to $60 or $70 per month.
 Candidates must be at least 23 and not over 40 years of age. Height should be at least feet inches, and weight at least ITO pounds. 16O pounds weight, or 5 feet 8 inches height will not debar from test, but a man should not fall below specifications on both height and weight. Candidates must be citizens of the United States, and have had at least eighth grade schooling. Experience as attendant is not necessary but will be given due credit.
 A physicians certificate, on the commission blank, must be furnished. Candidates must be free from deform- ity and disease.
 In order to get into this test and be in line for appointment, your applica. tion must be made on blanks furnished by the commission and must be filed in l their office, Room 73, Capitol, on or before noon of Saturday. Nov. IS. 1916. Application blanks and notices on re. quest.
Connecticut western news., 1916-11-09
RED CROSS CHRISTMAS SEALS.

At the office of the State Tubercu- losis Commission plans have been per fected for the sale of Rel Cross Christ mas seals for 1916. Last year over two and one-half million seals were sold in Connecticut, and orders amount ing to nearly two million seals have ah eady been received this year.
 Agents have been appointed by the commission in most of the larger cities and towns, and with the aId of these agents it is hoped to make the sale of Red Cross Christmas seals larger than ever before. In 1914 Connecticut sold 1,800, 900 seals and stood third in the interstate competition. In 1915 Con- necticut sold 2.5O0, 900 seals and stood second in the interstate competition. This year it is the ambition of the com. mission to sell 3,50O,OOO seals and to stand first in the interstate competi- tion. The local visiting nurse associa- tion has charge of the sale for this town and the seals will be placed in the stores as usual.
Connecticut western news., 1916-11-09
NEARBY ELECTION RETURNS
Result of the Vote in Towns in This
 Vicinity.

Aside from the returns as indicated for North Canaan in another column, our readers will be interested to know as to the result in the other towns in the locality.
 Canaan gave Hughes, S4 votes, Will son, 65, Holcomb 93, Beardsley 56, Mclean S4, Cummings 66, Glynn 6l, Kennedy 67. Stoeckel 60, Skitf 95, Kellogg 92. Howe 60.
 Cornwall gave Hughes 95, Wilson Al, Holcomb 10l, Beardsley 139, Mo. Lean 97, Cummings 142, Glynn 9S, Kennedy 137, Stoeckel 90, Skiff 167; c. T. Swanson, d, and W. A. Preston, d. were elected as representatives.
 Norfolk gave Hughes 164 votes, Will son 193, Holcomb I'll. Beardsley 1S9, Mclean 173, Cummings 1S7, Glynn TT, Kennedy 1S0, Stoeckel l90, Skiff ITO: for representatives o. H. Caul, d. and W. W. Collar, T.
 Salisbury gave Hughes 359 votes. Wilson 247, Holcomb 375, Beardsley 232. Mclean 376. Cummings 236, Glynn 365, Kennedy 239, Stoeckel 32S, Skiff 277; M. D. Rudd, r. and I. K. Fulton, r. were elected representatives.
 Sharon gave Hughes 243 votes. Vii son 145, Holcomb 250, Beardsley 14S, Mclean 249, Cummings 14S. Glynn 252, Kennedy l47, Stoeckel 239, Skiff 165; A. M. Waitt, and O. H. Tiede. man, were elected representatives.
 Litchfield county gave Hughes 724s votes, Wilson 6l43, Holcomb 75S2, Beardsley 5SS8, Mclean 7439, Cum. mings 6025, Glynn 7603, Kennedy 5s42.
 For state senator this 3lst district gave Stoeckel 2296 and Skiff 2145 votes.
Connecticut western news., 1916-11-09
FARM NOTES.

If it were as easy to tell lazy man as it is a lazy hen our neighbors would be onto lot of us.
 Some men are going to make more money this year than ever before. Why? Because they could not hire all the help they wanted.
 Don't cut down your business be- cause of difficulty in securing labor. Devise means for getting more out of the labor you have.
 In experiments in Indiana, the re- suits of which have been recently pub lished, very much greater returns have been received from dollar invested in acid phosphate rock. This IS in line with results obtained in many other places. Only very occasionally has ground phosphate rock equalled or ex. celled acid phosphate, and probably never in the East. While there can be no doubt that either one gives results, 1t seems to be the common practice to use that which gives the most immedi. ate and greatest returns. Farm Bu- reau News. r
Connecticut western news., 1916-11-09
CALDWELL-CREEvEY
Another We'll Known Canaan Couple
 to be Married.

Miss Mildred Louise Creevey and Leonard A. Caldwell are to be marrie.l at the Methodist church. Canaan, next Wednesday afternoon at 2 O clock.
 Both young people are so well known and so popular that their many friends will be glad to know that an invita- tion is extended to all to witness the ceremony. No formal invitations are to be issued.
 Following the ceremony, which will be performed by Rev. j.. E. Travis, an informal reception will be held in the vestry of tine church.
 Mr. Caldwell is native of this town, where the most of his life has been spent, and is one of the most respected of the young men of the place. Miss Creevey came to Canaan about three years ago during which time sine has made a host of friends.
Connecticut western news., 1916-11-09
sCoTT.MAHoNEY COMPANY.

Y Scott and Mahoney, who come to Ca paan, Friday night, as the first enter tainment in the course to be given this winter by the Mission Circle of the Pilgrim church, are said to union of two artists in one entertainment. Both young gentlemen are professionals in the best acceptance of that term. They are experienced and individually were successful before this combination was formed. Both are graduates of the Lyceum Arts Conservatory of Chicago and have been thoroughly trained be- fore making their debut in the lyceum profession. MT. Scott is recognized as one of the best characteristics in the United States, giving original monolo. que in make up. Mir. Mahoney has been quoted us the "coming great car toonist."
 The entertainment they give is en- tirely new in its aspect. The stage is set as an artists studio, a large guid frame occupies the center of the stage, easels are scattered around; there are electric lighting effects and accessories that lend an air of reality.
Connecticut western news., 1916-11-09
BIG LIQUOR RAID
MapIewood Inn, Ashley Falls, is the
 Victim.

One of the biggest raids ever pulled off in southern Berkshire, from the standpoint of the quantity of "wet goods'' secured, was made at the Maple wood Inn at Ashley Falls last evening ta 6:3O o'clock. The liqour secured, which wbs in barrels, bottles, cases, etc. completely filled two large motor trucks and when carried to Great Bar rington and stored in the town lock- up it completely filled one of the largest cells.
 The Maplewood Inn is conducted by Frank P. Smith and his son, Frederick Smith. But one license to sell intoxi- eating liquor was granted by the Ash ley Falls selectmen this year and this license was given to the town tavern, which is located about half mile from the Maplewood Inn.
 The Maplewood Inn has done a good business all summer with motoring par ties, etc. It has been we'll advertised and is generally we'll known through out southern Berkshire and northern Connecticut.
 The officers who made the raid on lIlO 1Hh hluuudN IiShG "SLO DCpuOy Sheriff Frank A. Minkler of Great Bar rington, Deputy Sheriff Clarence Kinne of Monterey, Chief of Police William J. Oschmann of Great Burlington who is also deputy sheriff in criminal cases and Deputy Sheriff Benjamin Frank Clark of Sheffield. The trip to Ashley Falls was made in Sheriff Mink. ler's automobile. There were cases upon cases of bottled goods found, a quantity of beer in cases and bottles, barrel of whiskey which was on tap and about two thirds empty, and a dress suit case full of bottled goods on counter that had either been left there full or was about to have been taken away by some person. The value of the goods was placed at several hund- red dollars.
 MT. Smith and his son were summon ed to appear in the Great Harrington court on Friday morning at 9 o'clock Mir. Smith, senior, was ill the Great Harrington court once before on a charge of the illegal sale Of liquor and he was fined $50.-P- ttsfield Eagle.
Connecticut western news., 1916-11-09
PILGRIM CHURCH.

The annual offering for foreign mis. sions will be received next Sunday morning. In the evening at 7:30 there will be an illustrated lecture on Con gregational shrines the World Around. " An especially interesting set of slides will be used.
 The topic for u @ Brotherhood class next Sunday will be "Getting and Keeping a Home," leader, Allyn Fuller The topic involves the inter. esting problems of home ownership and the high cost of living.
 The Mission Circle will meet with Mrs. Charles Adam on Friday at 2:30.
 Last Sunday evening pr. Frank E. Jenkins. president of Piedmont college in Georgia gave a very interesting lee. ture on "The Awakening South" Dr. Jenkins spent Sunday night at the par. souage.
 The topic for the young peoples meeting next Sunday night will be "How to be Strong"
 The first uf the entertainment course uuder the auspices of the Mission Cir. cle will e given tomorrow night at the iowa hall. Fuller announcement is giveu in another column.
 The fiftieth annual meeting of the general conference of the Congregational churches of Connecticut will be held with the First church in New Britain next week Tuesday and Wednesday. The sermon will be preached by Dr. John Douglas Adam of Hartford and the speaker at the mems banquet will be Prof. Irving Fisher of Yale on "HealtlI and Religion.
 On the program also are the two old est ministers in the state in point of service-Rev. A. w. Hazen of Middle. town and Rev. Arthur Goodenough of Winchester. MT. Gillette will repre- sent Pilgrim church at the conference.
Connecticut western news., 1916-11-09
THE PROPOSED TRUNK LINE
Route Over Roots Hill Meets Approv-
 al of Commissioner Bennett.

As announced in The News of last week Highway Commissioner Bennett met about 20 of the citizens at Garfield hotel last Thursday.
 An informal discussion Of the routes through the village to the south and west was participated very generally. MT. Bennett expressing himself as in favor of any route that met the approval of the towns to be served.
 It was brought out that the proposed layout from the four corners, past the lower cemetery up over Boiney hill was far from being the most desirable in every way. But with the trunk line as far as Eugene Roots corner, which, has been completed for sometime, ex- tended to Dutcher's bridge. then from there south through Belden street it would serve west and south traffic to much better advantage.
 In order that Falls Village might be permitted an expression of opinion, a party of Canaan men went with Mir. Bennett to Butchers bridge, where they were met by a delegation from the other town. The parties went over both routes and after an inspection, it was generally agreed that the Belden street route was the most desirable.
 Commissioner Bennett stated that a survey of the route would soon be made, and that when the road was built it would probably be over the Belden street road.