The Sunday telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1914-1927, 1916-02-27
Champ Clark Carries Broken
i2s'ank-An That Remains
of 0ne.term Pledge.

into the convention activities OF nex1
June and helped distinguished
party of presidential makers and
candidates board trains for Chicago
and st. Louis to meet the fate await
ing them there. In a make-believe
railway station the actor members
OF the club satirized the foibles OF
some of their guests and some well
known men who were not present.
President Wilson was among those
who looked on and he may have re-
celved an intimation Of the opposition
he will meet later in the year. Vice
President Marshall. the secretaries OF
state, navy and Interior, the brazilian
ambassador, the Chinese and Boliv-
ian ministers, several members OF the
Senate and House, officers of the
army and navy, and number OF the
most notable figures in the nations
financial and Industrial life were
present.
The newly elected president OF the
club, Louis W. Strayer, Of the Pitts
burg Dispatch was inaugurated with
a humorous skit in which all members
participated, variously attired to re-
peal the old guard. the regular army
reserve, the continental army, the gov
ernment merchant marine, the Pro-
gressive party and war revenue tax
collectors.
Scramble for Trains.
Tho most ambitious of several
Sketches presented by the club was
the political one. Scrambles to make
trains, strange travelling compan-
ions. and ticket complexities that
COMPOUNDED the railway gatemen
offered extraordinary opportunities
for fun-making. Passing through
the Chicago gate were regular and
progressive Republicans, characters
representing former Senators Bur
ton and Beveridge, former Vice Pres
ident Fairbanks, Senators Sherman,
Borah. Cummins, Weeks and Pen
rose, Representative Cannon, for
mer President Roosevelt. William
Barnes and George w. Perkins, OF
New York. Through the st. Louis
gate passed Secretary McAdoo, POST
master General Burleson, Charles r..
Murphy, of New York, and William
Jennings Bryan.
The first passenger to reach the
Chicago train was recognized by one
Of the two gatemen as Senator Bur-
ton. Nervous and fused. he inquired
If he were too late and appeared
greatly relieved when told that he
was "leading the parade"
"You won't be too late till you get
to Chicago" he was informed as the
gateman punched his ticket
Next came q passenger for st.
Louis, who was hailed as Secretary
-McAdoo. He produced a weird look
ing ticket. finally recognized as mile
age, which the gateman examined
laborously. Mutterlng that 1t
seemed "as complicated as the ship
ping bill" the gateman asked II a
mistake hadn't been made. Its in
tricacies were explained BY methods
OF addition and subtraction, and the
passenger passed through grinnins.
The gateman, recovering, remarked
to his pal: THAT wasn't no railroad
ticket; that was today's treasury
statement"
The Broken Plank.
Among the next batch OF passen-
gers was a tall, heavy-set man, car
rying a broken plank under his arm,
who tried to crowd through the ST.
Louis gateway.
Hey. Mr.. Speaker" expostulated
the gateman, this ticket amt no
good. 1t reads for Baltimore. And
it's four years DID,
II knew it," shouted the passen-
ger, who resembled Champ Clark.
"Blll Hearst told me to try and WORK
it off, but the darn ticket never was
any good.
The speaker finally got through on
Missouri mileage" but the plank
became wedged in the gateway. AS
he tried to disengage it. he explained
that It came out OF the Baltimore
cyclone" and was the last surviving
bit Of the one-term plank. They
asked him what good it was. and he
replied that he was merely follow
ing r. RS advlce-'Learn to swim,
but always carry a life preserver. y
Vice President Marshall, extremely
nervous, was closely followed by
Senator Lewis, Of Illinois.
~ ought to be nervous" he ex-
planned. "He followed ME all the
time. He followed me up to the
:rostrum in the Senate today and al
most sat in the chair.
/. Former Vice President Fairbanks,
displaying a handful of tickets for
IA group of delegates locked up In
THE baggage car" OF the Chicago spe-
scial, came next. He wanted to leave
few more tickets for any stray dele
gates who might relish little
transportation" He was closely
followed by Two men described by one
.ot the guards in strange whisper
as "the two wlckedest men in the
world-'Uncle Joe Cannon and
Bolsey Penrose." The impersonato:
OF Senator Penrose asked: us this
the regular train?" and was assured
ny lne RdlelUdH lldt ENcIs thlHb 4t
regular this year" Penrose wanted
TO know If the gateman had seen
anyone by the name of Roosevelt
hanging around.
s I. II. Shows Up.
IT heard he was going" the sena-
tor unused. "T. R. did me a great
favor once-he made some speeches
for Pinchot."
Uncle joe" urging the Senator tc
hurry, asked II he expected to pay
Mr.. Roosevelt's fare.
[. I'm willing, II he'll use the ticket
/. / buy" was the answer.
.,snator Weeks came along with ;
great bag which he said was full o.
! New England delegates. He wa
told to check It, but warned not t.
let Sam Mccall know where he pu
tba chock NEXT came a passenger