Sequachee Valley news. (Sequachee [Sequatchie], Tenn.) 1896-1952, 1916-10-19
FINNECAN'S PHILOSOPHY
BALKAN.


Number Twinty-two. Och, hone. TITS
different these times. The JaCkaSS
knew better till Balaam tanned him.
Lave me ride ye,' says Balaam, an
I'll make We the biggest ASS in the
wurld.'
Great says the ASS; what dye
feed|
Pork says BALKAN.
"'Me savior says the Ass.
80 Balaam mounts. But soon the
Jack balks.
"Phwat Is IT, says Balaam.
"'SnakeS,' says the ASS; ut looks
like the jawbone NV me mother
"'G'wan.' says BALKAN, hittin the
ASS clip, its me furren' policy
he says.
"'Phwats Mt for? axes the ASS.
cot defudS the naShun,' says Ba-
laam.
"How" says the ASS.
"Faith;' says BALKAN, ut takes n
bigger ASS than you to know that.
Lave it to Brine says Balaam to the
ASS; an the Jack walks on medita-
tin.
"Hee, haw,' says the ASS, balkin'
an kickin'.
"'What now" says Balaam.
"Dlvil a JackuSs ever seen the like
says the ASS. Ut could be frog
says he, for ut stands up in front,
and sits down behind; an It's mostly
mouth says the Ass. ut has white
feathers, says the Jack, wild yaller
streaks, that changes he says, to
Very Crooz Red, or Niagary Blue, an
now they're Carrysall Yaller again.
says he. 'IIlvins, have l been drink
inT screams the ASS to Balaam.
"'Snints be praised says Balaam.
Me Watchful Waitin' can still change
its mind he says. 'G'wan, where
glory waits he says. 'G'wan, in the
service Nv Mankind says BALKAN to
the Ass, touching him up. An the
ASS shuffles ahead, wavin' his ears in
admiration.
"'Hee-haw Hee-haw" says the
Jack, rearin' up wild his eyes bulgin'.
"phwat's grippin' We now? says
Balaam, impashunt Ike.
az dunno says the Ass. ut looks
like the FLYNN Dutchman with a So
cialist Crew., he says.
"''Tis me Ship BILL says BALKAN.
Side step to the right, he says;
side step to the left says he, wei
tin him. Back up says BALKAN,
near wrenchin' off the Jacks Jaw.
Now forward for the Merchant Ma
rine an fifty millyun pork says Ba
laam wild a shower Nv blows; an the
ASS goes on thremblin'.
"'Wnh-hee! Wah-hee! Wah-hee!
says the Jack, shyin' so he near
threw his rider.
"Ill learn We to shy at me Naval
Bill says Balaam, lar-rupIn' the
basic so he cud scarce stand.
Eye can't pass ut widout wearin'
Republican clothcS,' says the Jack in
Il coarse whisper.
"'Ye ASS says Balaam. Don't ye
know that amy cloeS is bctthcr noe
nakedness? G'wan says BALKAN, in
tones NY thunder. SO the poor basic
lopcs on. limpin' wild pain.
give not time to tell yc all the ad-
ventures they had, but they KEEP on
over rough roads, now an then eros
sin ditch on Il wan term plank,
which made oven Balaam unaisy.
Ivry time the Jack kicked, he got
short rations an Il Wullop. SO when
the journey was near over, the poor
haste was all in, and far too proud to
fight. Any Jack-Ass can be that
when he's licked
EVAN stormy night, the Jack blooms
into harmony like Dimycrat Tariff
Hymn played on gaSpipe wild the
feet.
"Phwat ais We nowY calls Balaam,
clubbin' him wild both hands.
'Nivver did I~pass the like yells
the Ass, sweating and thremblin'. Ut
says ut's an eight hour law. Oh, phwat
feebly Vaughn his ears.
az dinnO phwat ut Is meself,' says
Balaam, but l know phwat ut'S got
Balaam says.
"'Phwat? axes the poor ASS.
"'Five hundther thousand votes
says Balaam, wild pious air. 'G'wan,
We big Ass, an dOant We argue wild
an Idaylist,' says Balaam to the ASS.
awe can't pass ut in the dark
pleads the ASS. Lave us wait for
light means the Ass, weepin'.
"'NiX,' says BALKAN. There's hot
time comm an the votesll Spite.
Do We thurSt for sixteen more years
in the wilderness? Giddap,' says he,
purgin' Yer heart says Balaam, iv
iviry thought that's selfish says Ba-
nam, or PERSONAL chants Balaam to
the poor ASS ticlln' the Jacks Stats
wild a coupln' pin.
"By this time the ASS was so wore
out wild his ardyous labOrs, that he
knew no more than Balaam himself
SO, wild one despairin' cry, he dropped
his ears, as he an his master stumbled
forward into the dark"