Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1916-07-07
cHoRDS ~
DI S CO II ID s

This sign was p1ped Dy ~. ~ ~. III
the window of a Second avenue gro
Gerry store, Beautiful trae with each
25-cent can of baking powder" The
contributor says that he has seen the
time when he would have given numer-
GUS quarters for "trae" after he had
been raised by the fellow on the other
side of the table. Meaning, we appre-
bend. to convey a joke. There is a
rise in powder, you know-dough,
which also figures in poker-and the
trey is the card between the deuce and
the four We make these explana-
tons in order that you may easier get
the laugh that is contained in 0. ID. Is. 3
Offering Otherwise, it might seem a
trifle vague, and it doesn't pay to over
tax the gray matter these summer
days.
CHICAGO girls say that when they
wear bathing costumes showing their
bare legs the men don't ffirt as much
as when they have them covered.
You've got to keep on fOOling 'em,
girls, that is all there is to it.
IT is not at all surprising that Lieu
tenant Sparks, a member of the Hi
nois militia, stationed at Brownsville,
Texas, should be popular with the
girls of the city.
RUSSIANS Cut Lemberg Line Into
Hungary. 1t looks as if
Mic were going after the whole cheese.
MR. NUTA has been fined in a neigh
boring county for practicing dentistry
would change his name perhaps he
wouldn't be watched SO closely by
the authorities.
THE wills OF Hetty Green, the
worlds wealthiest woman, and Will
liam H. Godair, a Chicago real estate
man, have just been probated. Hetty's
fortune of almost one hundred mill
lions is divided between her two chill
dren. Godair, after providing amply
for his family, bequeathes 100000 to
the old peoples home of Cook county.
Simply illustrating that it takes all
kinds of hearts to keep the old world
beating.
CHEER up, brother. The days may
be long and the nights longer, or they
seem to be, as you toss on the feath-
ers and envy your neighbor with an
electric fan singing at the foot of his
bed-but better times are coming.
Just think it will be only a month
until you can get a duplicate of the
straw hat you are wearing now for half
the cost of your earlier season pur-
chase. It's bargains such as this that
keep our women young.
IGNATZ writes to inquire why = is
that blind men never go to the beaches
in summer for their vacations. Per
ha nc how ynt low S,,i
the country among the tree trunks and
listening to the bark of the slippery
elm.
Fair Enough.
Pat went to a druggist to get an
empty bottle. Selecting one that an
swered his purpose, he asked:
How much?"
Well said the clerk, eff you want
the empty bottle it'll be one cent, but
if you have something put in it we
won't charge anything for the bottle"
Sure. that's fair enough" observed
Pat. Put in a cork. Country Gen
tleman.
CUBA has the largest orange gro, =
in the world. 1t covers 1000 acres
and is said to be the only good thing
on the island that has not been skinned |
by foreign capital.
ANNETTE kellerman, with the as
sistanCe of her press agent, Is now
telling her sisters over the country /
through newspapers that are willing |
to print her stuff free, how they may
be just as attractive in or out of the /
water as she. That is, she'll develop I
the skinny ones so that they will have
haf uyi1I n axIyf c-f.l 81
from those of their sex who fail to |
follow AnnetteS instructions. We
don't know yet what these are to be, |
but the inference is that constant at
tendance at the theatres where Miss /
kellerman is on exhibition is the first
and principal requirement. Annette /
vows that once she was so frail that |
she hardly dared stand in the doorway
when the wind was strong lest she
be carried into another county Heav-
lngs, gaze upon her now. She's got
business man for a husband, secure
place in movie stardOm, and every
thing that her little heart could wish
for. Who wouldn't be mermaid and
frivol with the fishes?
WHEN an undertaken felicitates
you on how well you are looking watch
your step.
IF you must listen to the scandal
bearing gossip refuse to believe half
what you hear and let the other half
In one ear and out the ether. You
probably have observed that the most
miserable people of your acquaint-
inCe are these who are carrying on
their minds lot of black secrets con
corning other people, all of which are
based on mere suspicion, but which
hey are living in hope will materializc
1t least i'm part The folks who sleep
most comfortably these nights are the
,nes who close their eyes with kindly
thoughts of their acquaintances. III
hey have enemies they don't consider
hem worth thinking about
Facts Not Worth KNOWING