The Pleasantville press. (Pleasantville, N.J.) 1912-1929, 1916-09-23
FINNEGAN'S PHILOSOPHY
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The Jackass saved them. TITS all in
Number Twinty-two. Och, honel TITS
different these times. The Jackass
knew better till Balaam tanned him.
slave me ride ye,' says Balaam, AN
I'll make We the biggest Ass in the
wurld.'
"'Great,' says the ASS; what dye
feed?'
Pork says Balaam.
"'Me savior says the Ass.
$50 BALKAN mounts. But soon the
Jack balks.
"'Phwat is it?' says Balaam.
"'Snakes,' says the Ass; ut looks
like the Jawbone Nv me mother
"'G'wan,' says Balaam, hittin' the
Ass a clip, tits me furren' policy
he says.
"'Phwat's ut for?' axes the Ass.
"'Ut definds the nashun,' says Ba-
Iaam.
allow? says the Ass.
"'Faith; ! says Balaam, 'ut takes a
bigger ASS than you to know that.
Lave 1t to Brine says Balaam to the
ASS; an the Jack walks on medita-
tin.
"'Hee, haw,' says the ASS, balkin'
an kickin'.
"'What now?' says Balaam.
"'Divil a Jackass ever seen the like
says the ASS. Ut could be a frog
says he, for ut stands up in front,
and sits down behind; an it's mostly
mouth says the Ass. Ut has white
feathers says the Jack, wild yaller
streaks, that changes he says, to
Very Crooz Red, or Niagary Blue, an
now they're C~arrysall Yaller again.
says he. 'Hivins, have I been drink
in?' screams the ASS to Balaam.
"'Saints be praised says Balaam.
Me Watchful Waitin' can still change
Its mind he says. 'G'wan, where
glory waits he says. 'G'wan, In the
service Nv Mankind says Balaam to
the Ass, touching him up. An the
ASS shuffles ahead, wavin' his ears In
admiration.
"'Hee-hawI Hee-hawr says the
Jack, rearin' up wild his eyes bulgin'.
"'Phwat's grippin' We now? says
Balaam, impashunt like.
"I Dunno says the Ass. ut looks
like the FLYNN Dutchman with a So
cialist Crew. he says.
"''Tis me Ship BILL says Balaam.
Side step to the right he says;
side step to the left says he, well
tin him. Back up says Balaam,
near wrenchin' off the Jacks jaw.
Now forward for the Merchant Ma
rine an fifty millyun pork says Ba-
laam wild a shower Nv blows; an the
Ass goes on thremblin'.
"'Wah-hee! Wah-hee! Wah-heer
says the Jack, shyin' so he neal
threw his rider.
"'I'll learn We to shy at me Naval
Bill says Balaam, l%ar-rupin' the
baste so he cud scarce stand.
aye can't pass ut widout wearin'
Republican Clothes says the Jack in
a coarse whisper.
aye ASS says BALKAN. Don't ye
know that amy cloes is betther nor
n%akedness? G'wan.' says Balaam, In
tones Nv thunder. So the poor haste
lopes on, limpin' wild pain.
"Ive not time to tell We all the ad-
ventures they had, but they KEEP on
over rough roads, now an then cros-
sin a ditch on a wan term plank,
which made even Balaam unaisy.
Iviry time the Jack kicked, he got
short rations an a wallop. So when
the journey was near over, the poor
basic was all in, and far too proud to
fight. Any Jack-Ass can be that
when he's licked.
EVAN stormy night, the Jack blooms
into a harmony like a Dimycrat Tariff
Hymn played on a gaspipe wild the
feet.
"'Phwat ais We nowT calls BALKAN,
clubbin' him wild both hands.
"'Nivyer did I pass the like yells
the ASS, sweating and thremblin'. ut
says ut's an eight hour law. Oh, phwat
is ut?' screams the ASS to Balaam,
feebly Vaughn his ears.
90 dinnO phwat ut is meself,' says
Ba1aam, but 1 know phwat ut's got
BALKAN says.
"'Phwat?' axes the poor ASS.
"fFiye hundther thousand votes,'
says Balaam, wild a pious air. 'G'wan,
We big ASS, an doant we argue wild
an Idaylist,' says Balaam to the ASS.
"'We can't pass ut in the dark
pleads the Ass. Lave us wait for
light means the ASS, weepin'.
"'Nix,' says Balaam. There's a hot
time comm an the votes'll Spite.
Do We thurst for sixteen more years
in the wilderness? Giddap,' says he,
'purgin' yer heart says Balaam, iv
iviry thought that's SELFISH says Ba-
laam, or PERSONAL chants BALKAN to
the poor ASS ticklin' the Jacks Stats
wild a couplin' pin.
"By this time the ASS was so wore
out wild his ardyous labors, hat he
knew no more than Balaam himself.
SO, wild n %despairin' cry, he dropped
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