Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1916-10-21
FINNECAN'S PHILOSOPHY
BALKAN.

u
different these times The Jackass
knew better till Balaam tanned him.
Lave me ride ye. says Balaam, am
I'll make We the biggest ASS in the
wurid.'
Great says the ASS; what dye
feedr
Pork says Balaam.
"tMe savior says the ASS.
$50 Balaam mounts. But soon the
Jack balks.
"'Phwat is itr says Balaam. !.
Snakes, says the ASS; ut looks
like the jawbone NV me mother
"'G'wan.' says Balaam. hittin' thel
ASS a clip. its me furren' policy
he says.
"'Phwat's ut forr axes the ASS.
"'Ut definds the nashun,' says Ba-
laam.
How? says the ASS.
Faith; says Balaam, sut takes :,
bigger Ass than you to know that.
Lave 1t to Brine says Balaam to the
ASS; an the Jack walks on medita-i
tin.
"'Hee. haw.' says the Ass. balkin'f
an kickin'
What now?' says BaIaam.
"sDivil Jackass ever seen the like
says the Ass. ut could be frog
says he, for ut stands up in front,
and sits down behind; an it's mostly
mouth says the ASS. ut has-whitef
feathers says the Jack, wild yallerl
streaks. that changes. he says. to
Very Crooz Red. or Niagary Blue, an
now they're Carrysau Yaller again.
says he. 'Hivins have been drink
in?' screams the Ass to Baiaam.
"'Saints be praised says Balaain.
Me Watchful waitin' can still changei
its mind he says. 'G'wan. where
glory waits he says. 'G'wan. in the
service NV Mankind, says BALKAN to
the ASS. touching him up. An the
Ass shuff1es ahead, wavin' his ears In
admiration.
il" .Hee-haw Hee-hawr says the
Jack. rearin' up wild his eyes bulgin..
"'Phwat's grippin' We nowr saysf
Baiaam, impashunt like.
81 Dunno says the Ass. ut looksf
like the FLYNN Dutchman with a So
cialist Crew. he says.
- 'Tis me Ship Bill says Balaam.
Side step to the right he says:
side step to the left says he. wel-l
tin him. Back up says. BALKAN,
near wrenchin' Off the Jacks jaw.
Now forward for the Merchant Ma
rine an fifty mfilyun pork says Ba-t
1aam wild shower NV blows; an the
Ass goes on thremblin'.
"sWah-heei Wah-heei Wah-hee ~
says the Jack, shyin' so he neart
threw his rider. i4 $50 #a
~'I'll learn ye to shy at me Naval
Bill says Balaam. lar-rupin' thet
haste so he cud scarce stand.
aye can't pass ut wfdout wear1n't
Republican Clothes says the Jack int
a coarse whisper. eass
Eye ASS says BALKAN. Don't yar
know that amy cloes is bettherA mort
nakedness7 G'wan,' says BALKAN, fnI
tones NV thunder. So the poor basteF
lopes on, nmpin' wild pain.
I've not time to tell We all the adj
ventures they had, but they KEEP onl
over rough roads, now an then cros-i
sin ditch on a wan term plank,
which made even BALKAN unaisy..
Iviry time the Jack kicked, he got
short rations an wallop. So when
the journey was near over, the POOR
haste was all in, and far too proud tot
fight Any Jack-Ass can be that
when he's licked.
''Wan stormy night, the Jack bIoomst
into a harmony like a Dimycrat TarffrI
Hymn played on a gaspipe wild the
feet.
"sPhwat ais We nowr calls BALKAN,
clubbin' him wild both hands.
sNivver did 1 pass the like yellst
the ASS, sweating and thremblin'. 'Uti
says ut's an eight hour law. Oh phwatl
is ut? screams the ASS to BALKAN,
feebly Vaughn his ears.
I dinno phwat ut is meself,' says
Balaam. but I know phwat ut's got.,i
BALKAN says.
'Phwat? axes the poor Ass.
Five hundther thousand votes
says BALKAN, wild pious air. 'G'wan,
We big Ass, am dearft ye argue wid
an Idayiist.' says Bafaa6a to the ASS.
1--WE can't pass ut Id the dark
/ pleads the Ass. Lave us wait for
| light fHoxfis the ASS, weepfff.
NIX says Baiaafi. There's d hot.
time e6nifn am the votes'H spite.
| Do We thurst for sixteen more years,
in the wilderness? Giddap.' says he,,
.purgin' yer heart says Balaam, fvi
iviry thought that's selfish, says Ba-
laam, 'or personal chants BaIaam tot
| the poor ASS tick1in' the Jacks sIatsI
| wild couplin' pin.
by this time the ASS was so wore,