Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1916-12-08


an Indiana-'the grand old Hoosier
state" as it was used to being howl
Sngly referred to by the forensic stump
orator from the old stand in the court
house yard-a political campaign be-
5ng the widest delight that Zekesbury
Rnight ever hope to call it's own.
Through years the f1tful happenings
-eof the town and it's vicinity went on
abe same-the Samei Annually about
one circus ventured in, and vanished,
and was gone, even as a passing trum-
Det-blast; the usual rainy season
sswelled the "crick," the driftage chok-
ing all 'the covered bridge" and back
5ng water till the old road looked am
FhibiOus; and crowds of curious town
folk struggled down to look upon the
Nvatery wonder, and lean awestruck
above it, and spit in it, and turn mute
1y home again.
The usual formula of incidents PEE
..cHiiar to an uneyentful town and it's
vicinity: The countryman from "Jes-
sup's Crossing" with the corn
stalk cofin-measure, loped into town,
shiS steaming little gray-and-red- fecked
roadster" gurgitating, as it were, with
y4hat mysterious utterance that ever has
commanded and ever must evoke the
wonder and bewilderment of every
hoy; the smallpox rumor became pre-
valent betimes, and the subtle aroma
of the aSafetida bag permeated the
graded schools from turret to founda-
1ion stone;" the still recurring expose
spf the pOOrhouSe management; the
&arn hand with the scythe across his
shoulder, struck dead by lightning; the
Eong-drawn quarrel between the rival
editors eliminating in one of them
saSsaulting the other with sSideStick,"
and the other kicking the one down
stairs and thenceWard ad libitum; the
tramp, suppositiously stealing a ride,
found dead on the railroad; the grand
jury returning sensational indict-
ssnent against bartender non est; the
temperance outbreak; the revival !"
the church festival; the free Lee
lures on PhrenOlogy, and Marvels Of
MesmeriSm," at the town hall. 1t
was during the time of the last-men-
tioned sensation and directly through
this scientific investigation, that /
came upon two of the towns most re-
3narkable characters. And however
nSeager my outline of them may prove,
my material for the sketch is most ac-
.s.uTate in every detail, and no devia-
Sion from the cold facts Of the case
shall influence any line of my report.
For some years prior to this odd ex-
Derience had been connected with
daily paper at the state capital; and
iatterly prolonged session Of the leg
3slature,t where specially reported,
having told threateningly upon my
health, took both the advantage Of
~ brief vacation, and then the invita-
2ion of a young bachelor senator, to
get out Of the city for a while and
hask my respiratory organs in the
xevivifying rural air of Zekesbury--
the home of my new friend.
It'll pay you TO get out here" he
said cordially, meeting me at the lit
tie station, "and I'm glad you've come,
for you'll find no end of odd char
acters to amuSe you" And under the
very pleasant sponsorship of my SEN
.atorial friend, I was placed at once on
genial terms with half the citizens Of
the little town-from the Shirt-sleeved
.nabob of the county Office to the droll
wag of the favorite loafing place-the
rules and bylaws of which resort, by
the way, being rudely charcoaled on
the wall above the cutters bench, and
somewhat artistically eliminating in
an original dialect legend which ran
thus:
f.F'r instance, now, when some folks
gifts
70 relyin' on theyr wits,
gen to one they git too smart
And Spite it all, right at the start!
FelIer wants to jest go slow
And do his thinkin first, you know.
At I can't think up somepin' good,
Il set still and chaw my cood!'
And it was at this inviting rendez-
~vous, two or three evenings follow
Sng my arrival, that the general crowd,
acting upon the random proposition of
one of the boys, rose as man and
wendell its hilarious way to the town
han.
"Pnrenology," said the little, old,
FaId-headed lecturer and mesmerist,
shumbing the egg-shaped head of
young man I remembered to have met
g3aat afternoon in some law office;
snhrenology," repeated the professor
@sor rather, the term phrenology-is de-
rived from two Greek words signifying
8nind and discourse: hence we find en-
bodied in phrenoIogy proper the sci
rence of intellectual measurement, to-
gether with the capacity of intelligent
communication of the varying mental
forces and their inflexibilities, etc, etc.
The study, then, Of phrenology is, to
simplify il wholIy-is, I say, the gen
erai contemplation of the workings
esG tie nind as made manifest through
She certain corresponding depressions
aaa protuberances of the human skull