davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Lakeland evening telegram. (Lakeland, Fla.) 1911-1922, 1916-02-16
GOOD, BUT 1T DIDN'T WORK
Old Mans Story Of the Battle of Wa
terloo Really Deserved to Have
Met With Its Reward.

Fine, very fine" an old man on the
corner kept repeating to those around
him as the parade was passing, and he
was finally asked:
Didn't you serve your country dur
ing the war;"
Il did, sir" was the reply, but it
was over the water. This is nothing
new to a man who saw the Battle of
Waterloo"
you must have been pretty young
ut that date"
"A child in the cradle, SIR We
lived right on the field where the bat
tie was fought. My father was away
from home at that time, and I was a
youngster Of year and half. First
came the English, and an officer
knocked on the door and said:
Mrs. Polhemus, beg your par.
don, but we are going to have q
battle here, If you don't object
And not to be outdone in polite.
ness by any man on legs, by mother
drops a kerchy and replies:
Certainly, sir. Go ahead with
your Scrlmmage.
And little later comes the French,
and an officer knocks on the door, he
says:
If the madame don't object, here
we will the English lick
And mother she makes him as nice
a kerchy as he ever saw in his own
frog-eating country, and replies:
'Certainment. Pitch in, and may
the best man win
And then they pitched in and the
Battle of Waterloo was on" continued
the old man.
And is that all you remember?"
"All but one thing, for l was but
q kid at the time. you see. When the
battle was over General Butcher knock
cd at the door and asked for a piece
of sticking plaster for a sore heel,
and. taking me up in his arms, he
smoothed down my hair and said:
Mrs Pofhemus, when this child
grows up and is asked about the Bat
tie Of Waterloo. the asker should wind
him up with two glasses of beer
two full glasses. with the foam
blown Oft"
But the asker in this case made a
sneak, and the old man had to take 1t
out In solemn shakes of the head and
standing on one leg.
The Lakeland evening telegram. (Lakeland, Fla.) 1911-1922, 1916-02-16
Mutual Revelations

The din of their wedding bells still
rung IN their ears, for it was only the
second day Of their married bliss. Su-
premely happy. they were we'll salts
ded with one another. and no cloud
had obscured the vista of their little
earthly paradise.
Hubby" she remarked: tremulous-
", you love me dearly, don't your"
More than life itself,.' he declared
2assionately.
And NO personal defect in me
would ever cause your luEe to lessen.
-,ould it, dearest?'
He agreed that such was the case.
oh. sweet one." sha cried demure.
y, Il have just one confession to
make! I-l-my teash-my teeth are
-false!"
Thank goodnesss~ he responded
'ervently. Now I can cool my burn
ng brow"
And with that remark he dotted his
Wig.
The Lakeland evening telegram. (Lakeland, Fla.) 1911-1922, 1916-02-16
Classified Advertising
WILLIAMS BARGAIN COUNTER

20 ACRES IL miles south OF Lake.
land, some good citrus land, and
some Of the best truck and straw.
berry land in the State, comfort
able house and out houses. If sold
soon will take $1,000 with terms
5-ROOM modern bungalow. 16-room
bath house, fine beach. good boat
ing and bathing proposition,
beautiful lake front, two lots,
only two blocks from jitney line.
Splendid residence situa.'--
Price S2,250. Easy terms.
5-ROOM cottage, lights and city wa
ter, fruit trees, fine lake view,
Good residence section, two extra
.--@c .ots. cns block from jitney
line. Price $4,000.
10 ACRES good truck land, living
water for stock, extra good straw
berry land, convenient to graded
road. 3 miles southeast of Lake
land. Price $50 per acre with
terms.
20 ACRES 3 IA miles south Of Lake.
land. 10 acres in cultivation and
set to orange and grapefruit one
anc two years old. All fenced.
Small house. on public hard road.
Price $4,000. Easy terms.
20 ACRES combination truck and
citrus farm, modern Groom house,
2-Story barn and out buildings. all
fe"ced. good land. fine water, an
ideal country home IL miles
from Lakeland, on hard road.
TREE $3.50 cash. or terms can be
drrai%nrd
=" At RhS line truck LAND all cleared
aad in c'ii'ivation, under fence;
sonI farm house: only 3 miles
f-nm l.uN"iand. This is a rare bar
ain at $1,000; half cash, balance
in two years.
] ACRES near town, lake view, all
fenced, 6 acres in cultivation.
splendid land, one 5-room and g.
room house and barn, excellent
water. About Is young orange
trees; one Of the best propositions
IN this section. Price $2,5OO.
Terms If wanted.
G. ]. WILLIAMS,
elesram Bldg. Phone SO Black
The Lakeland evening telegram. (Lakeland, Fla.) 1911-1922, 1916-02-16
FOR SALE BY OWNER

Two lots facing east on Ingram
avenue, 50x150 feet, each, with five
room house on the corner lot, facing
east and south, all windows and
doors screened. with large screened
sleeping porch. On the place is ga
rage, stable for COW and horse. 20
hearing orange, grapefruit, and tan
gerine trees, now loaded with fruit.
Only 7 squares from Union depot.
Price $3.50 if sold before Feb. L.
Terms to suit purchaser.
GEO. w. MERSHON.
IT'S East Orange st.
Phones &c and 207 Green. 1887
The Lakeland evening telegram. (Lakeland, Fla.) 1911-1922, 1916-02-16

hour was spent in entertaining the
youngster, who broke my eyeglasses
and then laughed with joy"
81 suppose you had to meet all of
your cousins friends and be on exhibit
ton the rest of the time said Louise
sympathetically
NO such luck. AS the infant could
not be trusted alone he was left in my
charge for the greater part of the af-
ternoon while Mrs. Manning enter
tanned company. Upon the departure
of her visitors, my aristocratic cousin
said in her most charming manner.
'Dearie, Mrs. Johnston can't attend the
meeting of the u. 8. L., SO have to
write paper to read in place of hers.
VIII you assist me-? You're SO clever.
It will be real quiet here tonight. I
knew you'd prefer spending the eve
ming with US rather than by being
bored by strangers
"How selfish. Didn't you meet any
young menu"
mot that you could notice it. We
labored over the intricacies Of the sui
frage question until crept to my room
weary with the words. Votes for
Women ringing in my ears. Hardly
had l fallen asleep when a laundering
knock at the door awakened me- Hast
ly dressing L rushed downstairs to
inquire what the trouble was. My host
accosted me with a smile. We're early
risers. he said. Usually our guests
have their breakfasts in their room,
but as you're just like one Of the fam
lily, we thought you'd prefer to join us.
Didn't you rest we'll? You look rather
tired / assured him felt splendid,
| and then sat down to listen to family
arguments and complaints about the
high cost Of living, extravagant wives,
and sarcastic remarks about husbands
who were growing too stout"
Rather interesting" commented
Louise. You're usually SO tactful
presume you had eyes that didn't see
and ears that didn't hear family SQUAD
bles."
"Just So"
did you go motoring oftenf"
mo, l was compelled to refuse an
invitation as my cousin said it was sc
rarely she had anyone whom she could
trust to tell how a gown would fit
that l should go with her to the dress
maker. Do you think it was any great
pleasure to go to the florists and tc
the caterers to order flowers ant
French pastry for dinner to be giver
after left?'
AT any rate, you didn't have an,
expense" said practical Louise
You forget the tips for the ser
wants. and the presents for the chill
The Lakeland evening telegram. (Lakeland, Fla.) 1911-1922, 1916-02-16
VISITING RELATIVES
Maisie Explains Why She De-
clined an Invitation.
BY VILLA KENDALL,

"Maisie, how dared you refuse Mrs.
Winston's invitation in such an I'M
gracious, abrupt manner" asked
Louise in establishment.
Didn't you hear her intimate that
she'd treat me just like one of the
family?"
Isn't that the height of hospitality,
to make guests feel as If they were
at home"
There's no place just like home"
answered Maisie emphatically, land
I'm rather glad Of it. Who wants to
be treated when she's visiting with
that easy familiarity and the realisms
showered upon a relative?"
Il haven't done much globe trotting
and my experience has been rather
limited" said Louise. ''but what has
made you so cynical?"
When l visited my aristocratic
cousins the Mannings, l was received
with cordial greetings and had visions
OF a very gay weekend, until Cousin
Jane announced, Put your wraps and
bag anywhere; the maid is out. hope
you're not hungry as we have only
light lunch. We're not going to make
any fuss over you, but treat you just
as though you were one Of u.s."
Didn't you have enough to satiate
your hunger?"
Hardly. A simple repast served
on gorgeous dishes is no more sus-
tanning, even If a butler stands in back
of you and picks up your napkin, than
II you are served on premium dishes
that come with pound Of coffee. We
were hardly through when the baby
commenced to whine. Wen have to
stay with her while the nurse goes on
an Grand said my hostess. The next
The Lakeland evening telegram. (Lakeland, Fla.) 1911-1922, 1916-02-16

dren. Then Mrs Manning forgot her
gold bag and had to borrow mine, say
ing there's no one I'd rather ask than
you Evidently five dollars is a mere
trifie to her, for she didn't return the
money left in it and never had the
courage to give her gentle reminder.
That evening was requested to show
the cook how to make a fish timbale
with mushrooms"
Did they compliment you on your
culinary ability?"
Not nearly as much as they be-
moaned the fact that l burnt one Of
the cooks favorite pans, and that she
threatened to leave because strangers
came into her kitchen. To cap the
climax the young heir of the house
burst into an avalanche Of tears be-
cause no one would escort him to the
Ftve-Cent show. His father had an en-.
gagement, his mother a convenient
headache. and the governess expected
her gentleman friend. All gazed at me
until the power of suggestion was so
strong volunteered my services. I'm
fortunately l tore my skirt on one of
the seats, and there was such a
draught that l caught a severe cold,
and I've had 1t so long that I'd be
lonesome without it,
WAS your kindness appreciated"
asked Louise.
1T seems we went to- the theater
which has the widest, most exciting
and thrilling films, and l was roundly
censured for taking the boy there in
stead Of to the one opposite"
did you remain long?" interrupted
Louise in sympathetic tone.
TOO long. was persuaded to tele-
graph George that 1t was an utter i'm.
possibility for me to keep theater
engagement with him."
"Why?"
How could refuse my cousin after
all her kindness to me, when she had
such a bad headache and I was the
only one who was able to decorate the
table for her birthday dinner the next
day? George didn't believe my excuse
and took Dorothy"
why, I saw George and Dorothy to-
gether again last night"
yes. l know he's been taking her
sver since. Do you blame me for no.
accepting Mrs. Winston's invitation ?"
Copyright. 1912, by w. G. Chapman)
The Lakeland evening telegram. (Lakeland, Fla.) 1911-1922, 1916-02-16
Mushroom HUNTING panaers

The advantage Of rattlesnake hunt
ing over mushroom hunting seems to
be that you know the snake is poison.
GUS As near as can be made cut there
seems to be one sure way of telling
the character of your find, and tn 1t
was described by a foreigner who
asked If gathering mushrooms was
not risky: "All right. most every day.
Bimeby somebody die, then we not eat
for a week"
The Lakeland evening telegram. (Lakeland, Fla.) 1911-1922, 1916-02-16
Handkerchief NeMspapers.

Pocket handkerchief newspapers
were issued in England in the early
part of the last century while journals
were subject to the stamp duty. The
editor of one of them, Bertholds Po-
litical Handkerchief. suggested that
after six months wear, IL the ink
washed out, he would buy the kerr
chiefs back again from his readers.
The price OF this noyal newspaper
was fourpence.
The Lakeland evening telegram. (Lakeland, Fla.) 1911-1922, 1916-02-16

FOR SALE-Barred Plymouth Rock
stock and eggs for utility and ex-
hibition purposes. Eggs $3.50
ani UP for Is. Cocks and cocker
els S. and up. Specially mated
pens to suit the customer at mod
rate prices. H l.. Kelley. Grit
6n Fla. 4436
The Lakeland evening telegram. (Lakeland, Fla.) 1911-1922, 1916-02-16
Enough on Hand,

Mamma" said fous-year-old Mar.
gle. who had been assigned the task Of
rocking the cradle containing her baby
brother. 'if the angels have any more
kids to give awav don't you take en-"
The Lakeland evening telegram. (Lakeland, Fla.) 1911-1922, 1916-02-16
Good Test.

"Gadsby Is an independent sort Of
fellow"
Indeed he Is. Why, Gadsby doesn't
care how many of the neighbors see
him do his morning caiisthenics."
The Lakeland evening telegram. (Lakeland, Fla.) 1911-1922, 1916-02-16
FOR SALE

PARK HILL LOTS FOR SALE-On
easy terms All streets clayed,
cement sidewalks, electric lights,
city water, shade trees. See G.
c. Rogan or S. NJ. stephens. 50!
The Lakeland evening telegram. (Lakeland, Fla.) 1911-1922, 1916-02-16
Both Imaalnerv,

Some Of the cures for human all.
ments are imaginary. but so are a
lot of the ailments.
The Lakeland evening telegram. (Lakeland, Fla.) 1911-1922, 1916-02-16

WANTED-TO buy a second hand
incubator. Address X. Y. a., care
Telegram. $3.50
The Lakeland evening telegram. (Lakeland, Fla.) 1911-1922, 1916-02-16

AUTOMOBILE FOR SALE-RegaI s.
passenger. Very low for cash
Ford Garage. STA
The Lakeland evening telegram. (Lakeland, Fla.) 1911-1922, 1916-02-16
FOR SALE

II it is truck farm. dairy loca-
ton, Grange grove and an ideal
place for home, most beautifully
located on Lake Parker, see ]. E.
Rush, city, P. o. Box 416
1904
The Lakeland evening telegram. (Lakeland, Fla.) 1911-1922, 1916-02-16

FOR SALE male French poodles
six months old. Inquire at Telegram
Office. 5000
The Lakeland evening telegram. (Lakeland, Fla.) 1911-1922, 1916-02-16
FOR SALE OR TRADE

Having purchased and subdivided
the Jesse Keen estate of $50 acres
one -half mile west of city limits, we
are low selling in 10 and 20-acre
tracts some of the finest truck and
farm lands in this section at the
right price and terms. For paricu-
lars see G. c. Rogan, Rooms l and
2, Deem & Bryant Bldg. Phone 146.
1895
The Lakeland evening telegram. (Lakeland, Fla.) 1911-1922, 1916-02-16

BARGAIN-A $500 piano,
used 8 months, perfect in every
detail. Price $175. Terms. Ad-
dress "Piano," care Telegram Of
flee. 5137
The Detroit times., 1916-10-20
IN SISTERHOOD
OVER Is YEARS,
is STILL ACTIVE

QUE. Ia. oct 20 Mother
Mary Gertrude. Of Mount Carmel,
The mother house OF the Sisters OF
Charity has celebrated her "dia-
mond jubilee" She has been a sis.
Ter of charity For 70 years, and has
9ew stationed al Dubuque for the
naaf 73 years
The aged woman was born in Ire.
al Ia 1897 In lS4l she entered
-a--isterAood arriving n Dubuque
couple Of years later, when the
place was a village with less than
600 inhabitants
tH Of the local clergy and many
.om rau0- an over The middle west
r.ra present.
Arno 'he aged mother has seen
.wo-r q century OF service, she is
l active, and is possessed OF a
remarkably clear vision and sight.
The Detroit times., 1916-10-20

Leading coloratura soprano with
the San Carlo opera company 10 ap.
pear IN the Garrick thcator next
week, IS the daughter OF an Italian
nohloman, and tHc ,a"Ily home is
one Of those queer old forts Of 10
middle ages aunt on Mll near
Turin
When 12 years old, Nine Vaccari
was In Rome with her parents and
was presented 10 tie queen She
sang a i'v onc- in The queens pri-
waite apartments and $50 delighted
was the royal lady with the little
girrs voice that she made il possible
FOR the child 70 30 TO Paris FOR
vocal study
Nine Vaccar's success has been
marked lnca her debut. and she
has sung in an of 'he important
opera houses OF Europe She viii
sing twice In Detroit The role OF
Clda in "Rigole'to Tuesday even
ing and Lady Harriet ia Martha
saturday afternoon
The Detroit times., 1916-10-20
THE @ME
c.. A& Ez
A(1F, MME
MM E

Sir Herbert Beerhohm Tree. the
noted British actor, knighted for
distinguished services TO the heater
and drama OF his native iand, will
be seen In the leading role Of The
old Folks at Home a perturbation
OF a story BY Rupert Hughes. next
week. IN the Majestic. starting Sun.
dav afternoon sir Herbert lately
acted before tho camera for the
screen production OF Macbeth" and
following that appeared in roper
toirc ~ the New Amsterdam theator
I'm New York His tremendous sue.
cess in these ventures induced him
10 arrange for ar American tour this
Putumn. and In the meantime he
went rack 10 Los Angeies TO make
his second bow before ihe camera.
The story OF the play IL written
around the love OF parents for their
children. The unwritten law and
the element OF Justice arc also
strong features Of the drama Tn"
star has q supporting cast that IN
cludes Elmer Clifton, Mildred Har-
The Detroit times., 1916-10-20

With two lively musical bur
leslues entitled Tho Fro'icsome
Festival" and Casey at the Ccnven-
ton and a large comuauy O! cone
diaus and principals. Pat White and
his "Gaiety Girls viii op"c ~
weeks engagement m tbe Cadiila
tAtater com neucing Sunday after
noon The production, werc stag ]
by White and include manv novel
Ties in scenes and srua' ons Th.
company includes Anna Grant Pun
dig and Wilder Walter brown F.
Rot ana WcH Daisy Mayfair Gen.
True and q chorus Of 80 pretty
girls
The Detroit times., 1916-10-20

Liplrsbd's 80 dos comedians, in
an original pantomime, entitled
Every Day Life In O Dog Town" i5
The feature of an attractive vuude-
vile, the matinecs being continuous
theatcr next week .tlrtinE Monday
afternoon The dos have visited
the Orphcum before and u ia rated
a. one Of the best acts Of its kind
Cvor offered locally Th,rc are doga
as policemen. as dreW II. ~ dandie4
and as country bellies and they ar"
dressed In Keeping Charles =. Law.
lor. author Of the Sidewalks OF New
York" and other popular songs viii
offer original character compositions,
assisted by hs two daughters Gold
smith and Pinard, IN a satire, The
New Salesman have another must
cal ofr,rnE Orhcr acts viii include
the Manhattan trio In popular songs
aud Castor Palmer "a humorous Jug
gler Feature films .ychanged daily.
VIII prcccdc and follow the yaude-
VILE tho matinecs being continuous
each DAY from 20. O'Clock. Fri.
DAY local amateur dancers viii com.
pete for gold prizes, the audience
choosing the winner, The weekly
dancing contest takes place a. the
OF the FIRST evening show
The Detroit times., 1916-10-20

cate himself A program Of acts
fully up 90 the Temple standard in
cIudo Tony Hunting and Corinue
Frances in their new song comedy,
Love Blossoms Hans Hanke, Rus
anH concert pianist, Arthur Sulli
van and Ricoa Scott. IN A Drawing
From Life" Al Gerard and Sylvia
Clark iu vaudeville frolics; 1host
Eve Girls in music and song Peggy
B,.mon and brothers I'd Weber
and Pearl Mohl and the movies.
The Detroit times., 1916-10-20

Tho STAR attraction in the fem
pie thoatsr next week VIII be HoJ
dini known al over the world as
"Th" elusive American IN thr
Temple next week, houdini VIII in.
uoducc some now feats of mystery,
featuring his Chinese water torture
cell" escape IN the world ~ mys-
tory. Houdini is acknowlo deed th"
most prolif, Of entertainers. IIa
terms himself an "Escarcologist'
and alrho This name Is not 20 De
found in WeUstor's Unabridged he
has rightly earned fer himself This
HoIdini is always -
tC challenges and invites uotro,t's
cxpor7 carpenters, lroksnilhs and
other craftsmen TO construct son.
thing from which hc cannot sXtri
The Detroit times., 1916-10-20

ris. Lucille Ycunge Josephine Gro.
well and SpotjlsVoode Aitkcn. She
Loved a sailor merry Keystone
comedy trty"loguc. thc topical
review and an excellent mu- ical pro.
gram that includes new hopsH hy
Henry Sautrry Nill Dee included M
The program
The Detroit times., 1916-10-20

some lamp black and powder 10 rep
resent the dynamite, and when ~
went of IL singed all my eyebrows.
hair and burned me in several
places The dlu was suCcos, huf
We were ruined for three week
When got oar OF tho cotton
couldn't sigu a contract for The step
Lively Girls fast enough I'm cured
Never pEaIn'
The Detroit times., 1916-10-20

The Washington thcater IN
houncee for next week the first of
the attractions under the new policy
inaueurated 10y John II Kunsky.
whereby the Washington Nill bc
supplied from the pick of the open
market. leaving the uanagem'n.
free 10 negotiate f3r the biggest AMI
best things i'm the film world TIL
feature next week will be- H. III.
Sothern in The Chattel." a grip
ping story OF the present time When
Mr. Sothcrn agreed 90 appear iu
three photodramas II Wss with ih"
stipulation on has part that none o'
the PLAYS he taken from the Shake
spearean repertoire with which D.,
had so long been identified alrho D.
first won histrionic fame IN other
lines lie viii be seen in The Ipic n'
self-centered, domineeriug stool
broken who deliberately plans o.
marry a giCl 10 secure coveted
painting In her possession, and then
taunts her with being hls chatte,
II Ia ONLY when his treatment drive
her away that he begins 20 realiz.
the love ne felt for her, and L.
makes such rcparaticn as is po~s,
bic Playing opposite Mr. Sothcrn
in The Chattcl" Is dainty Pe-c
Hyland, an EnElish actress who h.
rocn scen 70 advantage IN uumrroH
screen productions
New Ulm review. (New Ulm, Brown County, Minn.) 1892-1961, 1916-02-02
Memorial Plans Meeting
With D1sf0vOr.

Not all the Democratic newspapers of
the state are in favor of the proposed
memorial to the memory of the late Gov.
Hammond and several Of them are
coming out strong in their opposition.
One Of the more pronounced opponents
of the move is the editor of the St. Cloud
Times, which says editorially: mo
one, not even among his official family,
possesses higher degree of admiration
for the late Governor Hammond than
does the editor of The Times. We knew
him we'll, we realized his eminent ability,
high character, splendid service to the
state and we regarded him as friend.
Still, with all this feeling, we believe
the movement for the erection of
monument in his honor on the state
capitol grounds as ill-advised. Min
nesota has had number of governors
whose names are written in golden letters
on the pages of the states history, and
who have not been honored as it is pro-
posed to honor Governor Hammond.
Looking backward over our residence
of sixty-one years on Minnesota, we re-
call such governors as Henry H. Sibley,
Alexander Ramsey, John S. Pillsbury,
William R. Marshall. L. F. Hubbard,
New Ulm review. (New Ulm, Brown County, Minn.) 1892-1961, 1916-02-02
LOCAL NOTES

Mrs. c.. W. Miller returned Saturday
from visit with her mother at Rochester.
Mrs. Miller reports Mrs. Hansen as i'm
proving.
Philip Liesch of the Journal and
Captain A. Steinhauser and Miss Payne
of the Review attended the editorial con-
vention in Mankato Friday and Satur-
day.
Mrs. Mary Meile went to Mankato
yesterday afternoon to visit for a few
days with her daughter, Mrs. H. F.
Blomquist and to get acquainted with
her new grandson who arrived at the
Blomquist home about two weeks ago.
A number of the readers of the Review
will receive the Financial Statement of
the County with this issue of the Review,
Others who do not receive it and. wish
to have copy will please notify us and
same will be sent. The statement
would be sent out to all but for an acct
dent at the Journal plant which printed
the statements. The accident occurred
just when the Review statements were
being printed and it was impossible to
finish up the job in time to go out with all
the papers of this issue. Drop us a
postal if you wish to have a copy and
same will be sent.