davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The broad ax. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1895-19??, 1916-07-22
TelIinu tha Tina.

Ingenious Teacher-If the clock were
to strike fourteen. what time would It
be? Intelligent Pupil-Time to send
the clock to be repaired.-London Tele-
graph.
The broad ax. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1895-19??, 1916-07-22
Unreasonable.

Mrs. Sharpe (severely)-Norah, can
find only seven Of these plates. Where
are the other FIVE? Cook Gin surprise)
Sure, mum, don't ye make no allow
ance for ordinary wear an tear?
The broad ax. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1895-19??, 1916-07-22
Not a Guaranteed,

you know these gloves 1 bought
here the other day-you said they'd
last me two years"
"WellT
1--WE lost them!"-Paris Rire.
The broad ax. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1895-19??, 1916-07-22
Strict Plant Law.

The law In Switzerland protecting
rare plants is so strict that to be found
In possession Of specimens illegitimate-
ly collected is a penal offense-
The broad ax. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1895-19??, 1916-07-22
The Plan Of Opposites.

what is the best way to get some
hard cash?"
Get hold Of some soft thing."-Balti-
more American.
The broad ax. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1895-19??, 1916-07-22
Two Typlsts,

Jenkins-My stenographer can write
$50 words a minute. Tompkins - So
ran mine-but she doesn't seem 10
sare what the words are.-Puck.
The broad ax. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1895-19??, 1916-07-22
A lond Run.

'This bill has been running now for
three months" said the collector.
Dear me-" said the debtor, "how
tired II must be."-Detroit Free Press.
The broad ax. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1895-19??, 1916-07-22
Pertinent.

IT asked Arthur how old he thought
I was, and he guessed right the very
first time"
"Have you made up yetr-Pitts
burgh Press.
The broad ax. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1895-19??, 1916-07-22

The only competition worthy q wise
man q with himself.-MrA Jameson.
The broad ax. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1895-19??, 1916-07-22
Elusive Collars.

Collars are very smart, and they
have to be watched every minute II
one wishes to keep up with their fash
IONS. :
The broad ax. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1895-19??, 1916-07-22

Good manners are made up Of petty
ncrifices.-Emerson.
The broad ax. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1895-19??, 1916-07-22

A sunny temper gilds the edges Of
lies blacklist cloud.-Guthrie.
The broad ax. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1895-19??, 1916-07-22
PROUD SATISFACTION.

A Fetching Model That Mother Can
Make at Home.
Ever useful gingham is the fabric
used for this small gown cut with
high waist line and side plated skirt
Envelope pockets and piQue collar and
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-08-03
Some Facts About Circulation

Today The Age Herald will discuss feature of its circulation well known to business advertisers but perhaps familiar to the general reader More detailed analysis will be given in later articles
 Let us On Sunday morning if you will get street car into club walk down prominent thoroughfare of Birmingham will find people reading The Herald where find reading the News In the homes is the
 way The Age Herald with it's distinctive Rotogravure Section will be found in the hands of every thoughtful person. every substantial citizen every well informed housewife Some people pick the News of curiosity what sensation has Sunday morning which will have deny Monday afternoon.
 The Herald the Alabama field reaches far into nearby Its subscribers the substantial people of B mngham and of the state has alley circulation It has deadhead and padded circulation issues eight extras with rehashed swell it's circulation figures Its subscribers read because they think it is worth the price They know that article of such merit be produced and distributed gratis to all who will take the trouble pick
 To the general reader the size of newspapers circulation s generally speaking matter of indifference What he looks to is its rustworhnes it's influence and its reliability For the adverisehe who interested in the extent and quality of newspapers readersThe Age Herads books always He knows the facts and he knows them in spite the in uendoes and industrious msstatemens circulated in secret among the Birmingham News came under it's present management
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-08-03
FARM LOAN BOARD

manship of the most powerful commit- tees in both houses. The following south- ern born men are in the Presidents capi- net: Daniels, Houston, McAdoo and Gregory, while the President promoted McReynolds, Tennessean, from the ofnce of Attorney General to place on the supreme court bench, and has named Gregory for a similar promotion. A large number of southerners have com forta ble and profitable places in the va rious departments at Washington, con- spicuous among them being ex-Governor Folk of Missouri in the state department and Cone Johnson of Texas in the same department while Judge E. K. Campbell of Birmingham is chief justice Of tho United States court of claims. One or the abest members of the federal re. serve board is w. P. G. Harding of Bir- mingham. There are many others whose names will occur to the reader on re- flection or reference to the congressional directory. In the foreign service of the government are many southerners, three of whom are Pleasant A. Stovall. Sa- vannah, who is minister to Switzerland; w. E. Gonzales of South Carolina. min ister to Cuba, and Lindsey M. Johnson of Rome, Ga. holds an important post in the Philippines
 Out of the total appointments made the Advertiser feels that the south has had it's just share. Certainly there is no oc- ca sion for complaint.
 The fact that southern men are in con- trol of the government and have the power to do with the patronage what they will, is not sufficient reason why southern men should be unduly favored over democrats in other sections-sec- tions. by the way, where we do need votes.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-08-03
TO A sKYLARK

By Wordsworth. Ethereal minstrel! pilgrim of the sky! Dost thou despise the earth where cares
 abound? Or, while the wings aspire. are heart and
 eye Both with thy nest upon the dewy
 ground? Thy nest which thou canst drop into at
 will, Those quivering wings composed. that
 music still To the last point of vision, and beyond. Mount. daring warbler!-that love-
 prompted strain -'Twixt thee and thine never-failing
 bond Thrills not the Jess the bosom of the
 plain; 4 Yet might'st thou seem. proud privilege,
 to sing All independent of the leafy spring. Leave to the nightingale her shady wood: A privacy of glorious light Is thine, Whence thou dost pour upon the world .
 flood Of harmony, with instinct moro divine; Type of the wise. who soar. but never True to the kindred points of heaven and
 home.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-08-03
HOTEL LOBBIES
Why Lick q Stampf

I saw statement in The Age-Herald recently about some bug hunter finding a few million germs on every postage stamp said Dr. T. P. Vowell. Well, when you think about 1t, reaches, water bugs, etc, will eat all of the mucilage on stamps and I suppose germs like the mucilage, too, and I am not sur prised to see this matter discussed in the papers and a warning issued about the risk we take when we lick stamps.
 In the first place, why would anyone lck a stamp anyway? l see people lick stamps half way and turn them around and lick the other half, and that Is un- pleasant and entirely unnecessary The paper on which the stamp is used is cleaner and is tasteless and why not lick the paper and have it over with quicker and better and avoid the germ risk?"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-08-03
old Men Should Pay

The idea that citizens over 45 years of age should pay the street tax was favor- ably indorsed yesterday by Julius Jaffe, well known jeweler
 That fellow, MT. What s. His Name, who suggested citizens over 45 years of age should pay the street tax knew what he was talking about" said MT. Jaffe, to coterie of friends. "and I for one am willing to pay the tax, although I don't care to advertise that am over 45 years old
 "A man at 45 years has just reached the prime of life and it IS usually at that age that he begins to make a comfortable living. Of course, there are some excep- tions, but on the average the fellow be- tween 45 and 50 usually can afford to pay street tax much better than the younger element.
 But the present city ordinance need not be changed. Every citizen knows that the city is hard up and all these fellows over 45 years old that can afford ought to kick in with their street taxes and set a good example for the younger fellows"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-08-03
A KEEN SUFFERER.

Came forth a man whose look was wild,
 His clothing disarranged; We wondered what his temper mild
 Had so completely changed. In some alarm we ventured near,
 Requesting him to tell What twas that robbed him of his cheer And made him thus rebel Just this,' he roared, and shook his fist Beneath our startled nose; ''I cannot make my wife desist
 From haunting picture shows. "She pays my hard-earned money out
 That's bad enough, I ween; But when she's home she raves about
 Her idols of the screen"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-08-03
Heat Wave Broken

q trust that the heat wave which has caused the deaths of so many persons in Chicago will be broken before I reach that city," said Leslie B. Fairchild. man. ager of the Exchange hotel in Montgom- cry. who passed through Birmingham yes- terday on a motor tour to the Windy City and other northern points. You know Montgomery, while most delight ful place in which to live at all times. gets a little warm during the summer months. Some of my friends. when they learned that I was going to motor to Chicago, and knowing of the heat wave there, jocularly remarked that I was Jumping out of the frying pan into the fire However, I am inured to the heat and do not anticipate any serious results. Besides, even if Chicago is still hot when get there few cold ones taken in some shady nook will quite make up for any excessive temperature
 MT. Fairchid is we'll known and very popular in Birmingham where for some time he was the assistant manager of the Tutwiler hotel.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-08-03
A QUICK RESPONSE.

Speaking of the helpful spirit, it is much in evidence, in a dry town," re- marked a traveller
 You surprise me-"
 "Yes On one occasion while visiting a town of that sort I requested the loan of a corkscrew. Nine prominent citizens who were lounging in the hotel lobby at the time hastened to oblige me and every blessed one of them asked me as a personal favor to let him draw the cork''
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-08-03
A SMALL DONATION.

Here my poor fellow said the care- full philanthropist Here's a nickel for you. Take it and try to lead better life"
 Thanks, boss" replied the tramp. T may be past reformin', but you kin rest easy about one thing.'
 And what is that?'
 "Dis jitney ain't goin' ter carry me much farther on de downward path"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-08-03
SWEEP OUT THAT PADDED CELL!

From the New York Herald.
 Baron Won Stenbel, a professor in the University of Munich and a German The Hague, is nominated for the hall of fame by the Globe. Once something of a pacfist, he has been writing to the Dutch Pacifist league. Hear Baron Won Stengel:
 The whole course of the war up to the present has shown that we Germans have been chosen by Providence from among all the other peoples to march at the head of all civilized nations and lead them under our protection toward as- sured peace. For we not only have the power and force necessary for this mis- sion. but we also possess all the spiritual gifts to the highest degree, and in all creation it is we who constitute the crown Of civilization.
 It is therefore superfluous to continue to discuss pacifist plans of whatever na- ture The nations, and especially the neu- tral nations, have only one means of leading a profitable existence. It is to submit to our guidance, which Is su- perior from every point of view.
 No people Is more penetrated with sen timent and ideals than are we Germans, and when one is under our protection one need not worry about national rights.
 Recent utterances of the Kaiser indi- cate a growing doubt of the wisdom of Providence. The Almighty has become
 inscrutable, therefore incomprehensible for things are not going as they should. Break up of that famous partnership is at hand, If 1t has not come. Even Baron Won Stengel may now be entertaining doubts similar to those of his rural mas ter; 1t must have been in the, long ago that his blast of confidence in victory un- der the guidance of Providence was sent forth on its mission of terrifying the Dutch.
 When the full awakening comes, will there be enough padded cells to go around?
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-08-03

ton, not only from the artists and critics of high art in the south, but all over the nation. Her friends and other critics who have viewed this, her latest work, are in- clined to accord it place as one of her greatest successes, and they consider 1t fitting that Miss Tutwiler, whose work for Alabama has probably been sur passed by no man or woman during the past quarter of century, should have been the subject of this remarkable DOT trait.
 Miss Smith extends an invitation to her friends and pupils to view the portrait at her studio in the Watts building today.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-08-03
PROBABLY NOT.

well, see where another couple got married on a dare"
 ''They are sure to be unhappy"
 "I don't know about that don't be- lieve people who marry on dars expect much of each other"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-08-03
THE TURKISH UNIFORM

Alexander Aaronsohn. in the Atlantic
 Monthly.
 The Turkish uniform. under indirect German influence, has been greatly modified during the past five years. It is of khaki--a greener khaki than the British army. and of conventional Eu- ropean cut. Spiral puttees and good
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-08-03
ADRIFT WITH THE TIMES
DIVERGENT ROLES.

There are many ups and downs in this life," remarked the movie actor.
 How Is that?" @ "Yesterday I was general, command ing a large army of patriots. Today I'm cast as hard working mechanic whose daughter is a social climber"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-08-03

NATURAL HISTORY LESSON.
 This paper says the Russians crossed a stream on pontoons," remarked Mrs. Twobble What are pontoons?"
 "Boats or barges strung together 10 make a bridge" answered MT. Twobble Dear me! And I always thought pom toons were the shells butterflies come out of"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-08-03
NOT THIS YEAR

From the Louisville Courier-Journal.
 Among his other troubles Congress- man Dudley Doolittle must explain to an outraged constituency why some of his garden seeds did not sprout. "-Empo- ria (Kan) Gazette.
 That's easy. Whoever knew seeds to sprout under democratic administration in presidential election year?
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-08-03
EASY TO FILL.

How is your son getting along since| he went into business?"
 Not so we'll" replied the anxious father. "Tm afraid there isn't much future for Henry in the business world, unless he lands a job somewhere as a dummy director"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-08-03

From the Montgomery Advertiser.
 In the selection of the members of the farm loan board the Pres ident again ignored the south' but while southern senators are grufn- bling under their breath. they are so ac- customed to their "goatships' that Ill all probability they will proceed to conflr" the nominees without question.-W asnlng- ton Correspondence, The Birmingham Age Herald.
 .@F course, since the farm loan | measure will be of most use in O the south, since it is a greater necessity here than in some other parts or the country, naturally one would Iee' that it is a mistake not to put at least one southerner on the board But this IS not absolutely necessary, and there are other practical considerations which can not be ignored, and for these reasons we think the President should be exempt from criticism because he didn't appoint southerner on the board.
 In the first place the south has been so well cared for in the matter of rec ognition" that already thee ry of section alism has been raised in republican err cles.
 Tn the second place we must make men in doubtful states to vote the democratic ticket if we expect to win the fall elec- tions There are strong and faithful democrats in other sections of the coun- try than the south, men who have re- mained faithful to the party while en- thusiastic southern editors and politicians have raised the glorious cry, "The south is in the saddle!'
 We have the presidency, the speaker ship, the House leadership and the cnalr-
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-08-03

BEGINNING THE DAY-O Lord' give me the perfect love that cast eth out fear. May I love the world so we'll and serve it so faithfully that | shall be independent oi fts praise or its blame. May love Thee so well, my Lord and my 1od' that I shall sit with Thee and walk with Thee in perfect peace. In Chrfst,s name. Amen.-H. M. k.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-08-03
A BATTLE WITH ICE

From the Boston Herald.
 If Sir Ernest Shackleton does at last succeed in saving his men from death on Elephant Island, in the South Shet- lands, he will have gallantly performed an extraordinary feat Should he fail it will not be because of neglecting to do anything that was possible It was on April "A that he left his p comrades in their ice cave, with but five weeks full rations. Setting out in small boat, he and five volunteers managed somehow to reach South Georgia, east of the Falk- lands, making the trying voyage of over 7OO miles in 21 days. On a little So-ton Norwegian whaler he started back a few days later, but found it impossible to get the lightship through the accommodating ice stream extending many miles off shore Returning, he arrived at Port Stanley in the Falklands, and the Urug- guayan government lent him the steamer Institutopesca for another attempt at rescue, but again the crowding icebergs proved too strong for the vessel. Com ing back, he got to Punta Arenas in the Strait of Magellan, found schooner, the Emma, that gave promise of greater strength, and set off with her on July Il, in tow of the Chilian government steam CT Yelcho. The latter has now arrived in a damaged condition at Ushuala, in Pata- gonia, reporting that she lowed the Elm ma 24o miles south of Cape Horn. and that Shackleton drove the schooner into the ice fields. endeavoring to make his way to Elephant Island. Scotts stanch old ship. the Discovery, is being made ready in England to come to his aid, but we would fain hope that his third effort will be successful, though the odds are against him, and perhaps against the island prisoners ever being found alive.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-08-03
A WEAKNESS.

What man is there who never smiles At womens clothes, the latest styles, Yet. on his trousers-proof he bluffs Still proudly wears those foolish "cuffs
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-08-03
PUZZLING

From the Cleveland Plain Dealer.
 Another puzzle about Carranza is how a man with such long whiskers can use the typewriter so persistently without getting them tangled up in the keyboard.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-08-03
FRANCE GAVE STATUE OF LIBERTY

From the Chicago Herald.
 The Statue of Liberty Is a gift to the United States from the people of France. who furnished the money to build 1t by popular subscription. It was the concep- tion of M. Bartholdi, who designed it for the Franco-American union in 1874. and was mounted in Paris. The statue. which stands on Bedloe's Island. in New York harbor, was unveiled in 1886.
 The pedestal for the statue was built by popular subscription in America. The height of the pedestal from the water 8 edge is 149 feet 10 inches and from the pedestal to the top of the torch is 151 feet inches, making total height of 3O1 feet, 8 inches The statue weighs 225 tens.
 The cost of the statue was $250, 900. while the pedestal and the work of erecting the statue cost s35O.O00, making the entire work cost $6O0.00o.
 The light in the torch at the top of the statue is maintained by the govern ment lighthouse service
 Forty persons can stand comfortably in the head of the statue. while the torch will support 12.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-08-03
DON'T USE DON'T" IMPROPERLY

DON'T USE DON'T" IMPROPERLY From the Ohio State Journal.
 There Is nothing incorrect about the elision of do and mot" which makes don't" if 1t is used correctly. But there is scarcely another word in the English language which is so often used incor- rectly. It is strange thing, but we often hear otherwise educated people using this elided form of the negative in the singu- lar, people who would not think of us- ing the affirmative of it as singular. "She don't" and The don't" are just as dis agreeable to the cultivated ear as ''she doN and The do" would be; and it is as- tonishing that any one of the most ele- mentary grammatical knowledge could be so deaf to the values of English speech as to use them. Still the mistake Is an- noyingly common. Recently we even heard an actor. playing the part of a gentleman of refinement, say she don't love me- Ugh! And, if actors cannot at least speak our mother tongue gram matically. what are they good for? Re member. 1t sis just as easy to be r.sAA and say 'she does not" or "doesn't.'
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-08-03
Cotton Condition for July

Replies to 2ooo inquiries sent to every
 ing states as to the condition of cot ton for the month of July received up to g o'clock, July 31, counting 100 per cent as perfect crop, shows an average con- dition of ee.1 per cent" says Ben H. Marvin of Marvin, S. c.
 "All states east of the Mississippi river show excessive rainfall. Texas. Oklahoma and Arkansas the rainfall Is reported light and scant. The crop averages 2.s weeks late, and the average area aban- doned Is 10.7 per cent. Up to o'clock last night no reports had been received from the states of California, Missouri and Virginia
 These reports show the crop affected by insects in the area reported as fol- lows: Sixty-two per cent, no insects; SC per cent by cotton wilt; ? per cent by boil borer; ? per cent by root rot and ] per cent by red spider. "A majority of these reports show the stands are poor, plant is weak, cultiva- tion fair to good and in the Atlantic states the nights too cool for the best growth of cotton. The condition by states is as follows
 Alabama, 54.5; Arkansas, 77.s; Florida 5ss; Georgia. 65; Louisiana, 775; Misss sippi, 57.s; North Carolina. e3 Oklahoma SO South Carolina SIT; Tennessee. 72.5 Texas. GA"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-08-03
HER SHOULDER STRAP BROKE

From the New York Herald.
 In the mezzanine restaurant of the McAlpin. where Thomas Rector and his dancing partner, Miss Lorraine Mischer give exhibitions of the latest steps for the edif1cation of the dance loving thron:V of diners. a startling incident occurred. It might have shocked the gray-haired men and women, and then maybe it didn't
 True Miss Mischer has pretty feet and pretty shoulders, as we'll as fascinating eyes, but the pantalettes were the attrac- ton as the dance started. sThe steps were increasing in speed. and just as the cou- pie should have separated MT. Rector ob- served to his chagrin that the shoulder straps of Miss Mischer's gown had given way. They were rather fragile pieces of ribbon, but calculated by dressmakers to be strong enough to hold the weight of the gown. MT. Rector quick as a flash realized what wolud happen if the dance were carried out. He practically held up the dress while the dance con- tinued, unable to restrain a laugh now and then.
 She hastened away afterward and changed her dress, and now. after all that, nobody in the restaurant knows any more than he or she did before.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-08-03
SAD NEWS.

There's one more drop In sorrows cup; The price of stogieS Has gone up.