The Sunday telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1914-1927, 1916-12-10
TroDesfy on the Recent
Election Staged at the
Annual Gridiron Banquet

=. fG-fou intend to make the Dem
ocrattc party dry and have made the
Republican party sweat.
LOWS Recltes Verse.
When T. r. and Bryan had been or
dcred out OF tho booking Office. Senator
LOWS, OF Illinois. whip OF the Senate
appeared and recitcd long series Of
which the following are typical:
Who guides nnruly Senate bucks,
And keeps the party on It's trucks
Who is, In short. the whip dc luxe?
Jim Ham.
Who followed Hughes upon tho trail,
And tied tin can to HIS tail:
And put the din in dinner pail?
Jim Ham.
Who is the White House blushing pct,
The truly, only one best bet
OF the Democratic smartcst set?
lin Ham.
Col George Harvey. who predicted
the election Of Hughes by a large ma
iority next appeared and was chidcd
by tile vaudeville agent Harvey said
he was lightning calculator. and that
he lad predicted the first nomination
and election Of certain professor in
New Jcr$cy
Harvey Moreover, -four years ago.
calculated exactly what electoral
votes each Of the three candidates
would have.
Agent Wonderful Have you done
any Of the same kind or calculating
lately?
Harvey ttruculcntly.) If you arc
going to be personal LII not stay here
and stand for II. don't think ! want
n job from you, anyway. The North
American Review is good enough
vaudeville for me; Good day!
Another traycsty entitled the Ghost
Slit" was castin n "Spo0k Court with
q court sitting in Judgment on tho
astral spirits OF aspirants for positions
In the new cabinet Spirits Of Score
tary Of Commerce Rcdflcld. Henry
Ford. Postmaster General BurIcson,
Colonel House, Secretary Tumulty.
Vance McCormicI5 Frank L. Polk.
counsellor 10 the state department aud
others appeared. all to be rejected by
the Judges. Wien the announcer her
aided the spirit or Henry Ford. the
astral body OF the Michigan nanufac-
tnrer arrived rafting n lot of tin
cans
Chief tudge-The music is familiar.
What seek you, Mr.. Ford?
treasury.
Chief Judge Why?
Ford SO III can find out how to mako
money.
Chief Judge Warden, sweep. out the
padded cell for Mr.. Ford
Announcer-The spirit of Joseph p.
Tumulty, secretary to the president.
Chief judgeW When did you acquire
an astral body. Mr.. Tumulty?
Tumulty-About a week before cleo
ton.
Chief judge-You moan you want 10
hold Your present job with Your phys
ical body and get into the cabinet with
Your astral body?
Tumulty Guilty. Judge.
Chief Judge Suppose the cabinet
job only pays an astral salary?
Tumulty Then hand 1t to somebody
else. Both astral body and myself
arc practi s., en-.
The spir.'|r.f Secretary Of War Bal-
er next appeared.
Announcer Mercy! It's the hero OF
Valley Forge-the Hon. Newton d.
Baker.
Chief judge Greetings. Mr. Baker.
in the name of George Washington and
his army. What news from the border2i
Baker--Aw, forget that. The cleo
ton Is over.
Grief iudg e-What! No more plots
Then what do you want?
Baker-I want a 1obon the supreme
court; I'm from Ohio.
Chief Judge Ohio was not close
enough, Mr.. Baker. What else?
Then III stay where i am.
chief Judge Does the president
know that2
Bakor-Sh-h. Right#under .Iour helt
I'm afraid not.
Chief jud ge Why don't you tell him.?
BalterNo; you tell him. BE a nice
Judge and tell him. But don't say it
same from me. You know he just
might
Chief judge know. He often does.
Stand back. Mr.. Baker.
Counsellor Polk of the state depart
nent appeared in quest Of Secretary
Lansing's Job
Chief jndge-wny even Bryan
couldn't hold that.
Polk-I know; but they gave him
the Hiram Johnson.
Chief Judge What's the Hiram
Johnson?
Polk Ask Hughes.
Chief judge-Sye cant find him,
Polkyell. It's a lemon. grown iii.
California
41AN#.ALy vi ROHlen y \ rain.
Another sketch was a rrayesty On
The special train load OF caste women
who campaigned in the West for
Hughes. The scene was laid in Eidder-
vile. Kan. where the millionaire
snecIal' arrived amid town officials.
townsrnen and native women The sur
fragists aroused the jealousy Of the I
native women when the home lnen-f5If
followed the gayly dressed easterrers
TO the train, and one of the native
women. addressing her deserted SIS /
tiers, explained.
First woman Sovereign women oil
Fidderyille: Our men folk have de-
serted upH 10 trail after them stuck up. t
gnoEle-cyed. 1ust-fawncey. shilIg- /
shally Jumps from the effete East.
.%oW, my ideu is to teachthem a lesson.
Let us rise az one man mean one 4
woman-and show them weak -kneetl
men who The real Tolfficiaric5 "a 70 a (.