Valdez daily prospector., 1916-11-17

shoals is some pilot. In mental make up he would be a mixture of Mach iavelli and Sir Galahad.
 If the newspaper contains urusual reports of German victories if there is criticism of British methods, or if the editor surreptitiously nibbles a pretzel he is promptly accused of be- ing a spy of the kaiser and one of the right bowers of the German chan cellor. If paper puts glaring head lines over a dispatch about the Ger man lines being swept back at Yer dun or the editor takes to playing cricket instead of peanuchle, Kari Hofmeister will call him up on the phone and accuse him of making shells for the allies.
 If the newspaper prints the state ment of a grape grower that the pro- hibition amendment would destroy his vineyard, Rev. Dr. Nasty will write letter telling how it gr;eres him sorely to have to denounce km from the pulpit as a hireiing of the liquor interests. If the paper gives an interview with a celebrated scien tist showing that if three fingers of alcohol are shot into the hind leg of a grown man his children will go mad the bartender at the Blue Moon will pause in his work long enough to o. der his paper stopped and declare the editor is a narrow-minded Puritan.
 In politics nobody can be pleased. If you sing little song for protec- tive tariff other partisans will want to know why an American cannot stand behind our noble president. Ii a paper does happen to chip in good word for or praise some official act of our noble president the Old Guard throws out open hints of treachery.
 Presently a sharp featured person with an impatient step and palpa- hle grouch comes in. He is Hannibal J. De Soto. How about this?" he exclaims. Here we had the greatest meeting ever held in the Ninety ninth precinct. Aka Hall was full. That great statesman O. B. Gosh was the principal orator and his speech was masterful one and yet you give us only twenty lines. I was chair man of the meeting and you don't even mention my name, and I have taken your paper ten years. But when Ham Lewis or Bever.dge is here you give him a whole column. That's a h-l of a way to treat home indus tries. You can stop my paper and Gosh wants to stop his."
 The ladies also have their peevish who don't want to vote and they register anger when the suffragettes get any publicity. If the editor has something about the beautiful tones of Cyrella Santeen and does not men, tion the dinner party of Mrs. Gotrox there is wild burst of indignation. If Mrs. Pee Wee entertains Mrs. Jaw Much they are both sore if an over worked editor fails to mention their jitney doings. If the Angels are giv- en glory the Tiger fans all sob out that they are not getting square deal. If the paper declines to give a hundred dollars worth of advertis- ing to the conundrum contest for the benefit of the home for indigent rab- bits a disgruntled committee will serve notice that sundry subscrip- tions and advertising will be missing next month.
 In the olden days when a man ac- quired a full-sized grudge against a newspaper he was apt to go hunting the editor armed with horse pistols and other venomous cutlery Nova days he merely rings him up on the phone, calls him a dodO-domed dere-
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