davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The fool-killer., 1916-09-01

them are my right-hand buddies
on earth. I draw up the plans
and they work by them. We used
to be sorter sneaking in our
methods, but we learned that you
folks were so dense that you
couldn t catch on to anything, and
now we go at it as boldly and
brazenly as a preacher forking
out ROSTERS hind leg at Sun
day picnic. We don't have to be
nary bit sly with our devilment
any more, because you fellows are
taking it up and making it "re-
spectacle. "
l have several strings tied to
the Benited States, either one of
which will lead to this Warm Gil
mate, but the one | am depend
ing OH most is the Preparedness
string. If you can't manage all
the balls at once, | advise you to
drop the others and wind like all
sixty ON the Preparedness ball.
But keep one eye on Hughes. He
is dancing around there trying to
grab it away from you.
Hughes has made it known in
his campaign speeches that he
would like to unwind several Of
your balls and wind them differ
ent. He charges that you have
made terrible mess of the Ger
man ball, and that the Mexican
hank Of yarn is all spilling off
over the nose end of the spool.
He says your Tariff ball has got a
rat s nest in it, and instead of
winding the British string into
a ball you merely hobbled it
around your feet and fell back
wards, kicking over your work
basket and spilling several Of
your best issues.
| Very likely all these charges
that Hughes makes against you
are true, but [ don see what diff.
ference that makes to me. You
are doing it we'll enough to suit
me all right. You have certainly
got things in a dickens of tangle
but that's the way I wanted il
done. The only thing I would be
uneasy about would, be for some
man to get in the White House
who would actually straighte1
things out. That fellow Benson
who is running for president OF
the Socialist ticket would give m,
a black eye if he should get elect
led. But that possibility is too re
mote to give me any uneasiness.
/ Well, get up off Of the floor
Woody, before Hughes steps OF
your face again. Pull your fee
out of the British hobble, pou
the financial pins and politica
buttons out of your shoes and g
right on winding your little ball
of yarn. If you need any he'll
about holding some Of the ball:
r just whistle and I'll come or sen
a hand.
Il Sulphurically yours,
L A
The fool-killer., 1916-09-01
The Devils Letter to Woodpi1e.
The Hot Place,
Sept. 10th, 1916.

Dear darling Woody:
How are you making it these
days? Having a pretty strenuous
time Of it, ain you? 1t beats the
devil (and that's me) why you
want to run for president again,
seeing what a stew you have lived
in for the past four years. There
has hardly been a minute Of the
time that you haven t had five or
six balls of international stocking
yarn to untangle, and with such a
gang Of financial cats and polltl-
cal kittens to help with the job,
you have seldom failed to make
the tangles worse instead of bet
ter.
But l like your grit. Stick to
your balls of yarn and keep on
winding. That's the way I got
my start. But I'll bet my interest
in the Roman Church against
your chance Of election that you
don't know where all your wind
ing will lead to. You don't know
that | hold the other end of all
your tangled political and fnan-
- cial strings and that every turn
brings your whole outfit that
much nearer hell.
But it's a fact. My chief Sub
Devil is looking over my shoulder
as I write and he says I had bet
ter not tell you these. things. But
he don't know you earthly fools
as we'll as [ do. He thinks if you
get warning you will turn about
and go the other way. But |
know you won t. You have had
plenty of warning from better
men than I am and you. never
paid any attention to it. Even
The Fool-Killer has often point
ed out the danger of your wild
career but you kept right on. OF
course I hate that Fool-Killer be-
cause it is always working against
my interests, but I must give it
credit for telling the truth. And
now, to cap the stack, | am telling
you the same truth myself, and
you won't believe a word of it. ]
am doing this to prove y conten
tion that you earthly fools are
determined to come to hell in spite
Of hell. -:
My Sub-Devil says I run q
great risk of losing American
trade, but [ say there is no risl
In it. If there was I wouldn't dc
it. AS | see it now, the Benite6
States is just as certainly m,
meat as if | already had it OH m.
griddle.
Personally, it makes no differ
ence to me which gets elected
you or His Honorable Whiskers
You are both just a like, only
believe Hughes is little NOR
alike than you are. IF you. still
keep the job of winding the inter
national balls Of yarn you viii
lead your country to hell, and j
Hughes takes the job he will ge
it here just a little quicker.
wouldn t expect either you 0
Hughes to admit that you ar
serving me but You are, just tn
same. whether you know it or no
Men like you are my main depend
ence. It is SO easy to fool 70
into the belief that you are leat
ing when you are only followin
my lieutenants up there. Rocksfe
The fool-killer., 1916-09-01
CUT OUT THE TRASH.

And here beglnnetn nttle
sawed-of Sermon Oh the Paper
Famine. You can tell your Pap
and send word to your Uncle
Hank and his family that there is
something badly out Of joint IN
the Paper Market.
The Fool-Killler has been using
white. paper in considerable
quantities for several years, and it
never did cost more than $3.50
per hundred until the beginning
Of this present year.
But all at once the paper trust
took a notion to create
famine" and squeeze double tri-
butte out Of the publishers, and
now the same paper costs $500
per hundred, with a prospect OF
going to $500 or $1,000 before the
end of the coming winter. 49,
The mills claim there is short
age Of the raw material out OF
which paper is made, and if that
is a fact, all papers and magazines
must die inside of six months.
But [ don t believe a: word Of it.
I believe there is plenty Of raw
material, but they are not trying
to get it to the mills. They are
purposely slowing down and
creating a shortage Of the manu-
factured product so as to pull the
publishers for two or three prices.
But we are: as helpless as a gang
of sheep, in a. butcher-yard-we
can't do a. thing but stand and
deliver--or quit. -. ...
| IF all the papers and magazines
of the country should have. to
suspend and go out of business, it
would make a sensational piece
of "news" and no way to cir
culate it .:
|. But just between you and me
and the gate post, we could very
we'll spare a good many of them
Entirely too much good paper has
been wasted in printing trash
The big city dailies have to get
out a "sporting section" and q
society section'' and about d
dozen other useless ''sections'
and departments that are q
disgrace to civilization. They ust
whole pages to print the half
naked pictures Of society swells
and give long-winded write-up'
about the confounded silly caper'
of Miss Hob de Snob and Mr.
Dudel Won Strut.
If all such silly and worthless
rot could be cut out, and tn
papers would print. only matte
that was useful and fit to read
their forty-page editions could b
reduced to about eight pages O
) less, and there would be a grea
} saving in paper.
!, And on top of that, about three
l fourths Of the high-brow Doodle
bought, lying, lickspittle pubica
tions can die and stay dead, an
the country will be better off.
A few Of the very best papers
: including The Fool-Killer, mus
: be saved out Of the wreck, at a
f hazards. [ want to see ever
|paper live that is fighting the bar
y ties Of poor, struggling humanit.
and the rest can 60. Perhaps tn
v thing we need is fewer and bette
T papers, and maybe the papt
= famine will prove to be blessin
J., in 1ispl1isp
The Nome daily nugget., 1916-02-15
WHEN AMERICA
 WAS YOUNG

teeth inherited from their reptilian ancestors.
 On the shores of this sea. especially along Its western margin. great swamps developed and in them grew variety of semitropical plants, such as palm and fig trees. The resulting cal bonaceous material which sc- cumulated as peat was later converted into coal. The sea did not attain its maximum size at onco. Probably at no one time was the whole interior basin under water. The advance of the sea and the filling of the basin kept pace with each other. so that sediments and fossils which indicate nearness to shore and coal beds which indicate swamps above sea level are found at many positions from bottom to top of the Upper Cretaceous forma tions.
 At the close of the Certaceous pc riad notable changes were produced in the geography of the region. The interior basin, which had been sub siding throughout the Cretaceous pe- riod, was now lifted; it's waters were poured back into the oceans, and the mountains whose roots had been buried were resuscitated. In some places the erosion that followed removed from these newly lifted mountains the Gre taceous rocks that once covered them and cut deep enough into the under lying formations to obtain the pebbles of older rocks. which may now be found In the lower part of the oldest 1 Tertiary beds. In other places the Cretacsous rocks were not entirely re- moved. Beds that once lay 5000 feet below the level of the sea were lifted ] to form mountain tops that now stand more than 13.o00 feet above sea level
The Nome daily nugget., 1916-02-15
THE JAPANESE BUMP OF
 HUMOR

Japan was the first foreign country where I saw moving pictures shown.
 In Yokohama one whole street is given up to moving pictures--Theater street.
 On the noor the audience sits, with their feet squarely turned under them absorbed in the shifting shadows.
 American manufacturers have labor ed long and hard to find films that will amuse the Japanese. but their success has not been very marked. No white mind can fathom a Japanese sense Of humor Our funniest films over there 20 fiat. Charlie Chaplin bores them But in the midst of death scene In some domestic film they will suddenly begin to rock with merriment. There Is a fortune In 1t for any one who will locate the Japanese bump of humor and manufacture picture plays that will hit 1t.
 Tho Japanese are now manufacturing
The Nome daily nugget., 1916-02-15
KELP BEDS HAVE
 GREAT FUTURE

A years output of potash from the kelp of Puget sound would bring s6, 100000 at the present war time prices. according to Professor George B. Rigg of the botany department, Of the University of Washington. pr. Rigg surveyed the present status of the kelp industry in a popular science lecture al the university of Washington recently.
 Kelp Is abundant and easily acces- ible in the sound. he said and three factories might be kept busy working every day of the year. each producing 5000 tons of muriate of potash yearly Each would consume 500 tons of the seaweed daily. Ordinarily the years production of 15,oOO tons of potash on the sound would be worth s600.0o0, the average price being almost $40 per ton At the present time 1t brings about $i0 a ton.
 Fifty thousand tons of ke'p could he harvested yearly along the Pacific coast. pr. Riggs asserted. ..
 The beds lie from Mexico to Alaska and are of course not all commercially accessible.
The Nome daily nugget., 1916-02-15

lon by the sea which reached from Utah and the Mississippi valley and from the Gulf of Mexico to the Arctic ocean.
 The subsistence was slow at first and the streams spread their mud uniform ly over an eiea extending from New Mexico to Montana and from Utah to Kansas. Only small areas of the Rocky Mountain region were not coy- cred by them. In the streams, swamps and bayous of this early Cretaceous time lived huge reptiles; some of them were S5 feet long and 20 feet tall. with a bulk many times as great as the .argest elephant of today. By the close of Lower Cretaceous time the water from the Gulf of Mexico had spread over the graded plain as far as the present Rocky mountains. This in vision of the sea was followed, appar- antly without great lapse of time, by l still greater invasion In the Upper Cretaceous epoch.
 The first deposits of Upper Cretac- eous age-the Dakota sandstone-were spread out uniformly over the level plain, which then included the whole area that was later pushed up to form the Rocky mountains, Over these sands, which were laid down along the advancing front of the sea, were deposited the marine sediments IS the Sea moved forward. In It's wa ters lived great numbers of serpent like swimming reptiles; and over Il scared pterodactyls, the fossil remains of which show that they measured Is feet from tip to tip of wings. On its shores and In It's waters spoited large diving birds, which still retained the
The Nome daily nugget., 1916-02-15

Frank P-euschoff and .ir. Dawson had an exhilirating encounter with tt bunch of wolves recently says the Petersburg Report of November P.
 They started from the Preuschof logging camp. at Beecher Pass, for a deer hunt. Before travelling very far they got into a place that resembled @ wolf den-which it proved to be-.
 Pretty soon a wolf head was espled In the nearby thicket, and then an other and then some more. They were practically surrounded by the beasts. Frank will swear to ten wolves, but they appeared to be more numerous at the time.
The Nome daily nugget., 1916-02-15

The United States geological survey has just published a report which, though technical, nevertheless embod- les some interesting history of the early ages of the North American continent. It tells of the rise and fall of a portion of the continent millions of years ago, long before the age ct man. at a time wien strange beasts inhabited the country, when the eli mate was subtropical, and when peculiar swamp vegetation flourished the remains of which were converted into the present great coal beds of the west.
 Late in what Is termed by geologists "carboniferous time" according to W. T. Lee, the author of the report (pro fessional paper 95 O.. there were mountains in Colorado and New Mex leo comparable to the present Rocky mountains. During the Triassic pc riod and much of the JurasSlc, which followed, a time to be measured in millions of years, these mountains were eroded away. Late in the JurassIc period a wide area had been worn down so near sea level that a slight subsistence of the land allowed sea water to enter from the Pacific ocean and spread over Wyoming, northern Colorado, and eastern Utah. Near the close of the Jurassic a slight uplift expelled this sea- After some time this area began again to settle and the streams spread fine sediments over the bed of the shallow basin lately occupied by the sea and over the low lying lands. This subsistence intro duced the Cretaceous period and cul- minated in the occupation of the reg
The Nome daily nugget., 1916-02-15
ALWAYS IN STYLE.

If you have your suit pressed, clean c and repaired by us
 We will make them lock like new. We do dry or gasoline cleaning. We do steam cleaning.
 We make alterations
 We do cleaning, pressing and re- pairing for Ladies and Gentlemen. We make a speciality of making and epairing furs.
 First -class vorkma nship All work guaranteed Our prices arc 'easone bIe Once customer alwey' customer.
 Come and zee US. we will giVe yol TUT prices before we do your work. We appreciate your patronage.
 NOME TAILORING CO, Between seeerstrom X Hagen snt
 Zehner's Jewelry Stores
The Nome daily nugget., 1916-02-15

When they had recovered from their surprise, tho boys started the flre- works. One wolf was quickly shot dead and three were wounded. Then the varmints retreated a little way and were followed up and three more of them were killed. Dawson followed the pack on their second retreat, to see if he couldn't bag some more, and Frank started into skin the belts from those killed. Soon a series of howls came from around the den, and Frank located a wolf In the brush whose glaring eyes showed utter disapproval of the skin game" being worked on the family. He then grabbed his gun
The Nome daily nugget., 1916-02-15
DEER HUNTER HAVE
 FIGHT WITH WOLVES

and fired several shota which evidently went wild; then climbed on g stump in order to get better view. The wolf closed in and finally bolted just past the stump. Frank had the muzzle of his rife within four feet of the wolfs back wtn he fred but for some reason the bullet missed it's mark.
 Although after this there were no further demonstrations by the wolves finish the skinning job alone. so he In that vicinity. Frank didn't care to went down to the camp end brought Hans back to stand guard until the belts were secured
The Nome daily nugget., 1916-02-15

their own films. but they are not Of much interest to white people, aA nothing ever happens in them. There s no action. Half reel may be given up to drinking a cup of tea. But this may be exceedingly funny to the Jap anese, or there has been more going on than shows on the surface. By the way they lift their cups. by the way they swing their fan they are passing message. Two Japanese can talk to each other with their fans. while the white man standing alongside under stands nothing of what they are saying World Outlook.
The Nome daily nugget., 1916-02-15
MEETING NOTICE.

MEETING NOTICE
 rHE NOME eAa1ENOER's ONtOh Local s6s. B. | L. of \ tAnl.ata1 with the A P. of I..) meets ever frei Sunday In each month u Il ;. m
 AL NICHOLSON f#,r~
The Nome daily nugget., 1916-02-15

sIoa.s Nssvss s1.oC ese sse~sh.
Amarillo daily news. [volume] (Amarillo, Tex.) 19??-current, 1916-07-25
About Women.

Mis- norton au English widow of
NIuugham Cheshire. has been grant.
rd total exemption from military ser
Vic. Tor her eighth SON having seven
SOUS ALREADY under the cpllr one
ol these served 100 fhc uoor War aud
was q boare go iHr marl. Ui King
Edward
Amarillo daily news. [volume] (Amarillo, Tex.) 19??-current, 1916-07-25
The Coming Baby!
RuOray! HoOray!

Nothing else ran 50 completely cndclr
d. In the nfcsnnI and In miuu, as Tho
Amarillo daily news. [volume] (Amarillo, Tex.) 19??-current, 1916-07-25
We PA, Cash For Your Scrap Pile
PNNHNNUIE ITNk COMPANY

Dealer lu Rags. Bon"s Rubber. Met
ais Rope. Mauhiu"fy barrels
90. TvIlr So 0u bcuNof v " Tracks
Write - Tor Prices.
pHONE 1905. AMARILLO
Amarillo daily news. [volume] (Amarillo, Tex.) 19??-current, 1916-07-25
WNZEz5
tBY MISS SOPHIA NEYyR

own beauty GalsVor'hy % N'gr
uc
Tho wee. festivities won. beau.
TRULY opened last evening when Mrs
g. o. Herring entertained with an
evening dausan' 40 GlppNo0I paris
complimentary to hcr ua.r. U.-.
Margaret HERRING. and tb. members
of h"r house party which Includes
Misses Dorothy Gather OBJ. Fort
Worth O.Noi' Frukc OFF san Antonio
and Nell pctIt OF Vernon Tho
grand march began about nine
U.Uluu. Napu the dame. Hls formally
opened The ulehi was sufficient 90
itself iu Undue. thr dancers to part
r.pa,r u tur pleasure oi the evening
until @ Dot, hour Refreshing r-apo
'.ppc proved most acceptable dur
ing the utormissions The old road
'0 'u.s nyorito suburban resort was
made lively scene us ears convey
luf about oun.hundrrd and fifty
guests Uhg1oI over ts smooth eur
n.'
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1916-04-30
Lack. JOhnSOnSunSH Himself
and Smiles for SpaniardS

when | had friend that wanted to
escape military service I'd Just write
him note, YOU know And he would
ind nv friend entirely unfit 70 go 20
the trenches. Five hundred dollars
was pretty cheap at that. when had
20 split II with the doctor. The last
fellow | got off was healthier than
am"
The old fighter plans to stay in Spain
for some time, raking in the Spanish
coin, and then start for South America.
When he comes back he expects Spain
TO be ready for regular orgy OF box
ing. with young American boxers whom
he hopes 10 import.
In the meantime he is grooming
nephew Of his for middleweight honors.
The boy is only nineteen, and MS proud
uncle says he Will not be allowed TO
mako real try until he IS twenty
three or more.
Then comes the Johnson philosophy
OF what boxer should do. The ma
jority start too young, without sui
ficient training. He gets Slapped OF
vitality before he really finds himself
and then cannot do himself justice
when his brain has developed properly.
More supervision at the start. more
training. more exhibition boxing and
a much later start is the way that ne
plans to bring out a new negro cham
pion. -,
But there's one thing | amt agoin'
10 tell him for long. long time he
adds. you know. | got the greatest
secret in the world for keeping fresh.
never get tired But he's got TO learn
all the rest first"
Somehow or other. the former cham
pion forgets TO tell what happened TO
the charm az Havana.
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1916-04-30
Champions May Be Upset
In Park Tennis Journeys

money thus obtained IS 20 be used 70
dcfray the expenses OF meetings senu-
ing players 70 other eiues, cups -O'
competition. medals. etc.
The officers for the ensuing year are
President. William II. Brown. j., zen
trail Park: vice president, Myron 81.
Bovce. Van Cortlandt Park, secretary
J. j. McDonagh. Macomb's Dam farh'
treasurer. s. L. Rynar. ST. James Fhrh.
There will be one man selected from
each mark as chairman 10 the executive
committee. and he in turn VIII select
ty.o or three men 10 assist IN running
of the tournament in that particular
park. o,Ls
There will be twelve or more parks
entered in the tournament tnat is 10
start early i'm June. Inc entfles VII
probably total up 70 thousand my
iarges, tennis tourney. IN point o.
numbers. perhaps ever run OH Vthei
cities. with their thousands IN o'nTi
marks. will follow. or have ALREADY lol-
lowed. New York's lead. Already piahs
are afoot 10 have a team composed OF
Co,,r or FIVE members from New YORK
,rv conclusions with teams represent,
ing ST. Louis. Boston. Cincinha" al"
POSSIBLY Los Angeles also.
Cabot Ward. the Commissioner o.
Parks is an enthusiastic sponsor OF
tbese tournaments. Another ardent al,
vocate is George T. Adee. president Of
the United States National Lawn Zen
mis- Association.
What will these country wide con
tests. if the project be accomplish
mean TO the game. and particularly 10
tennis in the East? An expert WIN
vision. no less an authority man
Dwight NJ. Davis. former head OF tne
national body has said that rom ms
great influx of younger talent VIII uh-
doubtedly come many Of the champions
of the future. :
ONT of this great. unknown mass OF
,.outbful talent Of the public PARKS
here may flash forth in the not far dis
tant future perhaps star, perhaps
twin stars, capable Of retaking the
Davis Cup.