The Lakeland evening telegram. (Lakeland, Fla.) 1911-1922, 1916-12-19


Take 1t from me, lodging benzine
buggies on the boulevard is sleepy
work in comparison.
Friend wife concluded it was up to
us to squeeze a few uncles and aunts
into our by dining room and throw
turkey wings at them, so I coaxed
my nervous system to behave and told
Peaches to cut loose.
She sat down and invited Uncle Pc
ter Grant and Aunt Martha, Uncle
Gregory Smith and Aunt BESSIE. Then
she went in, took another look at
the dining room and stopped.
Invited Bud Hawley, his wife Sybil,
and Hep Hardy, and explained to them
that we would all have to sit edge-on
at the table and get our meat cut in
the kitchen, so as to avoid hitting
each other on the funny bone, and it
was so ordered.
Hep arrived early. He always does.
He generally breezes in with the in
formation that four pages of tango
music are waiting for him in some
hoof palace, and he has to hurry away,
but on this occasion he concluded to
see the fight to finish.
Then the other members Of our din
ner party began arriving and the mad
| revel was on.
Uncle Peter brought friend-the
famous food expert, Doctor Smother
Joy.
The doctor is high card with Uncle
Peter.
He is one Of those old ginks with
beady eyes and a license to hunt for
germs, and everything he eats has
first to give the countersign and then
60 through q written examination.
Uncle Peter believes every word
that leaves Doc Smotherjoy's face, but
for my part l think he's an old Cam
embert.
At any rate, no sooner were we seat
ed at the table than Doc parted his
whiskers carefully, coughed to attract
attention, then picked up a little-necE
clam on the end Of his fork and pro
ceeded to give it the third degree.
1.-THE adulteration Of foodstuffs these
days is being carried on to an extent
worse than criminal" the old bluff be
gan solemnly. "Ah, even here I SEE
traces of sally-sillic acid with borax
phosphos even here on this clam"
"Put a little tabascos on it and Gu
loose" suggested Bud Hawley.
"Have lemon" said Hep. "Squeez'
| it over the clans and make WISH"
| Uncle Peter listened with marked at
tention, while Uncle Gregory glanced
! at his clans and shuddered.
The doctor ate his unconcernedly
When the soup came on the Do
lifted spoonful thoughtfully, thel
sloshed it slowly back into his plate
| while the two unkies eyed him ner
vously.
"Its bullyon," whispered Uncle Pc
ter, anxious to prove the soups In
nocence.
"Here," said the doctor, examinin
his spoonful critically, "here ar
traces of carbohydrates and abou
ten per cent philharmonic acid"
Ii II never eat SOUP" gurgled Uncl
Greg, because it's waste OF goo
space"
II The doctor said nothing more, bu
| quietly surrounded his soup.
| When the fish was served the dot
tor danced over his plate with his for
and said, "Hydrostatic acid with her
and there symptoms of mRnganes
germs and few sulphide microbes"
Uncle Gregory pushed his plate bac
with a sigh that was pitiful to heal
Peaches was now so nervous tina
her hands were doing shaker dus
and there was a big pink spot o
each cheek.
| The others at the table, with tn
exception of nervous old Uncle Ores
ory. paid not the slightest attention
| Doctor Busyface.
Even Uncle Peter threw away hi
germ fear after the clam episode, an
took a long chance with everythin
from soup to nuts.
III Next we had some turkey wit
mashed potatoes, green peas al
asparagus tips.
~ 2MR