The bee., 1916-09-29
s.-.-.ll.s..,.-l.,....ll--is-f.-i-i-'-'ll-ii-llsI
7 Finnegan's Philosophy


wen 10 ullhu Nh0 eNoAJf s"AN
Finnegan. Balaam was a highbrow
that knowed less than his Jackass. He
took an office to curse the people.
The Jackass saved them. 'Tls all In
Numbers Twinty-two. Och honel IT'S
different these times. The Jackass
knew better till Balaam tanned him.
Lave me ride ye," says Balaam, "an'
III make ye the biggest Ass In the
wurld."
Great" says the ASS; "what dye
feedT
Pork" says Balaam.
"Me savior" says the Ass.
So Balaam mounts. But soon the
Jack balks.
"Phwat is it9 says Balaam.
Snakes" says the ASS; "Ut looks
like the jawbOne Nv me mother"
"G'wan," says Balaam, hittin' the
Ass a clip, "'tls me furren' policy"
he says.
"Phwat's ut for" axes the ASS
"Ct de6nds the nashun," says Ba.
liam.
1 AASWh bogo lhO AbSs
"Falth," says Balaam, "ut takes d
bigger ASS than you to know that.
Lave 1t to Brine" says Balaam to the
, ASS; an the Jack walks on medita-
tin.
"Hee, haw," says the ASS, balkin' an
kickin'.
what nowT says Balaam.
"Divil Jackass ever seen the like"
says the ASS. "Ut could be a frog"
says he, "for ut stands up In front,
an sits down behind; an 'tis mostly
mouth" says the Ass. "Ut has white
feathers" says the Jack, "wid yaller
streaks, that changes" he says, ito
Very Crooz Red, or Niagaray Blue, an
now they're Carrysall Yaller again."
says he. "Hlvins, have l been drink
in'r screams the ASS to Balaam.
"Salnts be praised" says Balaam.
me Watchful Waltin' can still change
its mind" he says. "G'wan, where
glory waits" he says. "G'wan, in the
service Nv Mankind" says Balaam to
the Ass, touching him up. An the
ASS shufiles ahead, wavin' his ears in
admiration.
"Hee-haw! Hee-haw" says the Jack,
rearin' up wild his eyes bulgln'.
"Phwat's grippln' ye nowT says Ba-
laam, impashunt like.
81 donno," says the Ass. "Ut looks
like the FLYNN Dutchman with a So
cialist Crew." he says.
"'Tis me Ship BILL" says Balaam.
"Side step to the right" he says; "side
step to the left" says he, weltin' him.
Back up" says Balaam, near wrench
in of the Jacks jaw. "Now forward
for the Merchant Marine an fifty
millyun pork" says Balaam wild a
shower nv blows; an the ASS goes on
thrembIn'.
"Wah-heel Wah-heel Wah-heep says
the Jack, shyin' so he near threw his
rider.
"Tn learn ye to shy at me Naval
Bill" says Balaam, lar-rupin' the baste
so he cud scarce stand.
Eye can't pass ut widout wearin'
Republican Clothes" says the Jack In a
coarse whisper.
"Ye ASS" says Balaam. Don't ye
know that amy cloes is betther nor
nakedness? G'wan," says Balaam, in
tones Nv thunder. So the poor baste
lopes on, limpln' wild pain.
, I've not time to tell ye all the adven-
lures they had, but they KEEP on over
rough roads, now an then crossin' a
ditch on a wan term plank, which
made even BALKAN unaisy. Iviry time
the Jack kicked, he got short rations
an q wallup. So when the journey
was near over, the poor baste wus all
in, and far too proud to fight. Any
Jack-Ass can be that when he's licked.
Wan stormy night, the Jack blooms
into a harmony like a Dimycrat Tariff
, Hvr9n played on Il gaspipe wild the feet.
"IlV at ais ye now2" calls Balaam,
clubtin' him wild both hands.
"Nivver did pass the like" yells the
ASS, sweatin' and thremblin'. ut
says ut's an eight hour law. oh, phwat
is utT screams the Ass to Balaam,
feebly Vaughn bis ears.
81 dlnno phwat ut is meself," says
Balaam, but l know phwat ut's got"
Balaam says.
"PhwatT axes the poor Ass.
give hundther thousand votes" says
Balaam. wild a pious air. "G'wan, ye
big Ass, an dOant ye argue wild an
Idaylist," says Baaam to the Ass.
"We can't pass ut in the dark" pleads
the ASS. Lave us wait for light"
means the Ass, weepln'.
"Nix," says Balaam, "There's a hot
time comm an the votes'll spile Do
ye thurst for sixteen more years in the
wllderness2 Giddip," says he, "purg-
In yer heart" says Balaam, "iv iviry
thought that's SELFISH" says Balaam,
"or personal" chants Balaam TO the
poor Ass tlcklin' the Jacks Stats wild a
cOuplln' pin.
BY this time, the ASS was so wore
out wild his Ordyous labOrs, that be
knew no more than Baladm himself.
So wild one despairin' cry, he dropped