The Hope pioneer. [volume] (Hope, N.D.) 1882-1964, 1916-10-26
FlNNEGAh'S PHILOSOPHY
Purginq the Heart.

YES sir. He's like the p%atriarchs.,
Which iv them? All Nv them. He
States tlc Civil Service Rock and re-
freshin' jobs gusles foorth for thursty
but dishurvin' Dimycrats. He blows;
on a horn an ivrythin' falls for ut.
If tl" people call him liver so soft,
Little Samuel had no quicker var. An
for s!cry!icin' what's dear to his heart,
Abr: s!.um had nawthin' on him. Sure
he is D~ilNocricy's shield an exceedin'
great reward.
'"riS his lresbytaryan bringin' up,
I'm thintin.' Furst he adopts u policy;
thin he thries to justify it, thin he
Sal.ctitieS it wild Il phrase, while u choir
iN. DiShurvin Dimmycrats sings a.
hymn. An there We are. Justification,
Adoption an Sankty-ticashun.
Tile choir med great harmony whin
jim Smith, George Harvey an Bill
Brine was all in ut. But wan be wan
their vices cracked an they passed out
IN the life iv the great Idaylist.
Harvey went back to editin' an Bill
Brine wint in search iv the Howly
Kaln. MrCombs was canned, because
him an Billy Mc.Adoo cuddent sing Il,
duct. am Oscar Underwood was weak
on Tariff ragtimc. But Wudthrow. die
GRATED Thin all. Mid f'wlat say We?
Wild the Order iv the Double Cross.
Ohio. | mind we'll the time at the
Manhattan Club, whin he kissed Brine
an kicked Harvey wild wan motion.
Now the choir has what WudthrOw
calls the vital stutfs iv life Stone an
Mc-tdoo; Dnnyiels an jim Ham Lewis,
wild ltchtield for the high falsettO.
Wuutllrow SITS wild his hands crossed
while the Stutfs sings songs iv praise,
am Col. House winds the Victhrolu.
"WuNthrow is fond iv music, but
Colonel House himself is the quiet
mar. Faith av he danced a Clog on
a W;shbiler ye'd nivcr hear Il sound.
"Wrll Val night in August the
Colonel colnr tiptOein' in through the
basement dure.
Elbows the game, Colonel?' says
Wudthrow. 'So.so.' the Colonel says.
'Ye might round up Il few more votes
says he. scratchin' his ear wild an
absent air.
".Aint l got the full dinner-pairs?
axes Wudthrow, anxious like. All
that's forgot the first two year and
a half says House pleasantly. 'Aint
| KEEP en- out q warp aXes WudthrOw.
Part o TN time says House rubbin'
his left shin wild the felt-slippcr on
his right foot. .Aint my voice our
greatest liquid asset?' axes Wilson
earnestly. It's some voice. says House,
but Il lot iv suckers can't tell Il asset
firm az li'hility. the Colonel says
"F"what are We drivin' at says
Wilson, four flushing a little.
+. "'Arre We watclin' the striker says
House. Half a miIlyun votes might
be useful say House, tiptoein' out
through the dure, an closin' ut behind
him.
"Well, Sir, he left Wudthrow sunk
in profound miditaSllun. At last he
spakes. 4 hear he says, in a low
sweet tone that vice iv the people,
which is to me as the vice of a Car
negie Penshun.' Oh he Il v thrill
lin in ivry nerve, must 1 indade sacry-
flee wan more idol says he, 'on the
altar Nv me COunthry!' says Wud-
throw.
"'Was not the Wan Turn Plank he
says; am the Sugar TAX he says;
AN the Tariff for ltev'noo,' he says;
AN all me friends. beside. SuyS he,
Sixteen per'tly good Mexican Policies
-waS not all thin %enoughy' he axes
in agony. But l will purge me Heart
Nv ivry pprs'nal fought says he,
$tartin' for bed. An before he re-
tires. he takes Il Heart Purge iv his
own invinshun the way it III wurk
while he sleeps. I dinnaw f'what the
purge is. 'Tis IL secret.
"In the morn he was puzzled. He
wanted a great sacryfise of a pur-
rinciple, dear to his heart, but he'd
used most iv thin already, an he felt
that this was no time for second hand
or slightly damaged sacryfises. SO
he sends for House. Colonel says
he, 'F"what n1rriaciple d'yr think
wud be an acceptable s%acrytise in this
great morel imargincy?' he axes
anxiOusly.
"'Whispcr,' says the Colonel. And
he said wan wurd in Wudthrow's ear,
and faded silently away through the
dure.
"For wan instant Wudthrow stud
spellbound. Thin he burst into a
whoop; "The Ram in the Bushes
cries he wild tears iv jy.
Twas an impressive ceremony
whin the sacryfise vas solemny-ised
ut the Capitol.
"The procession started f'om the
White House wild the Prisidint walkin'
ahead carryin' the Ram in wan hand
an Il box Nv Safety-First matches in
tn other. He was followed by a coon
bearin' four gold pans, and behind