Omaha daily bee., 1916-06-11
BY RING w. LARpNER.

Chicago, June 10.-(Special Tele-
gram. )-Found out by reading the
morning paper that the convention
was going to open today's session at
ten of the clock instead of eleven as
heretofore. Also found out that it
was now ten of the clock and that my
badge was at the Tribune Office,
twelve miles from Riverside. The
way to go from Riverside to the Coli
scum, is to take train and get of
of it at Sixteenth and Canal and then
pray that therell be an Eighteenth
street car waiting. But the Tribune
Office is not located at Sixteenth and
Canal, or nowheres near it. ! did the
best l could and reached the Coli
scum at half past eleven. The ses-
sion hadn't started yet, but began the
instant ! took my seat. The delegates
were evidently finding out whose
presence rnattered and whose did not
and If they had staid here few more
weeks and read the papers every Day
they might have learned great deal
more.
The first good thing / said after !
sat down next to Percy Hammond
was as follows:
WELL" said, IF the Coliseum and
all its contents should burn UP, what
big help it'd be to the United
| Gates"
Then fearing his feelings might be
hurt, | added: "The only real loss
would be that of a popular dramatic
critic" ,
A few rows ahead Of Us, the Rev
| Waters, from next door, and the Rev
Bryan. from Lincoln, but not the
same Lincoln you got to keep talking
about in a nominating speech, were
having discussion. !.
| ! could overhear only brief snatch
| Of II.
mo" said Rev Bryan, you mis-.
understo 1 me. What said was thai
| IL Johnson had been himself, he coult
have licked Willard the best day HI
ever walked"
Prayer in Vain.
i After Doc Levy had prayed in vair
that the convention do the RICH
thing, Mr.. Harding introduced Mr.
| Smootah, 1t being one Of the rules a
laid down by Mr.. Warren, OF Mich
gan, that Mr.. Smootah must be TIL
| first speaker every morning to max,
| it legal. Mr.. Smootah read a repor
\ Of what had come off between hi
!. committee composed OF he and MI
Borax, OF Idaho, and ! forget VIII
else, and the same kind Of commit
ltee from the Auditorium.
Il want to say that II reporters on
paper had written an important stor.
!. the way Mr.. Smootah and the pro
gressive committee and Mr.. Roose
welt wrote this here report, the cit
editor would of took away their pc
lice cards and made gravy from thei
: giblets. They left the news till tn
; final paragraph, just like you was go
ing to write up murder and done
this way:
AT S:35 yesterday morning, Luciu
Bowen used his toothbrush. At S:st
he Offset this by eating sausage an
soft-boiled eggs. He then put on h
hat and started down to his office. H
got there. Al ESQ In the afternoon
. man stabbed him to death. Ih
: man was jealous. His name was Wa
: ter Canning"
{ Mr.. Smootah's report, Including tn
Il progressive report and the Rooseve
letter, kept US on tender hooks. a
they say, and beautiful lady settin
next to me, asst me seven or eigf
times what was going to be the re;
: gist. ! give her seven or eight goo
/ answers.
: The report started of, "Chicag
Z Ill, June TO-" in order to keep II
+ degradation from thinking that Il
= conferees had snuck away to Bal
Beach for few hours to talk thini
= y over.
I Galleries Pleased.
y What Mr.. Roosevelt said in h
y communication was that, he didr
care who the republicans nominate
: as long as they nominated Mr.. Lodg
! This made big hit with the gale
= and had the effect Of an overdose
y ale on the degredations.
Il When the cheering had let up, N
y Harding give the platform to N
!. Weeks, whose talk was so short tn
!, many Of US would Of voted for hi
had he run. But he says:
). II would rather be happy than
:. president"
Then Illinois got up and says She
man was through. thinking II W