The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1907-1917, 1916-02-03
ToBE WANTS A JOB!

foreign missions. / would very much
appreciate it if you would inform me
how to get a job as a missionary, or
perhaps you would assist me to OBJ
tain one. I fully realize it will take
two or more persons to successfully
handle the job.
F1rSt, L Will tell you | am not par
t1cular what religious sect would en-
plOy me-any old sect would do.
Second, I am not very particular
as to where I might be sent, but I
would certainly have some preference
in the matter. Should I be sent to
the near East, [ would not care to
go to Turkey, because the Turks be-
lieve that all people not Moslems
are infidels and it is fit and proper
for all infidels to die; further, they
practice it, too. Then again, if you
change the name of Christ to Mo-
hamet, the Korean lines up very
favorably with the doctrine | would
be expected to carry to them. An
other thing / would have to consider:
The Turk practices what he believes.
The people who would send me do
not.
Now, L will have to admit to you.
l am short on Bibliology but long
on the three VS.. That stands for
Vim, Vigor and Vitality. In this con-
nection, as side line, l might be
able to land a substantial consign-
ment of the Remington Company's
output, provided, as a matter of
course, it was heralded in advance
by good sized draft in my favor
on the Old Lady of Threadneedle
Street-none else would do.
If it should be decided to send me
to Persia, [ should wish to be located
somewhere on the Persian Gulf or
on the borders of the Red Sea. I will
tell you why: The Paosee thinks
more of the e-plaribus unum than any
thing else in the world. So | know
in advance my efforts with him would
be Of no avail.
Now then, if you would help me,
we could charter an American
schooner of about one thousand tons
with auxiliary power, ship a large
crew, not of necessity sailors, steam
through the Suez Canal, head for
some of those Turkish islands in the
Red Sea, take or confscate or ap-
propriate-call it what you please
I call it just plain swipe-a full
cargo of rich guanO, skeet back again
to New York or Savannah with one
thousand tons at about fifty bucks
per ton. The Turks are too busy
fighting just now to bother about us,
and the English are busy watching
the Turks. AS a slight diversion we
could put on board few tons of
ostrich plumes-but as so many of
them are made in the United States
of prepared paper, think more
profit would be derived from the
guano.
AS usual, I would ask you to pre-
cede my efforts with a substantial
bank draft.
Should it be decided to send me
farther East-say IHdia-I could not
but regard that as unfortunate. I
would have no guarantee that I
would not be made a convert to
Buddhism, as many noted and learn
ed ecclesiastics have done before me.
I know what I would do, though.
I would have all of my servants of
the same caste. That will economic
for me both in house room and in
rupees. prefer that particular caste
designated by a bright red crescent
tattooed on the forehead. I could
not do with less than four. First, a
steward to buy my needs, next a
cook, then a houseman and a punka-
puller. / must have a punka-puller
no comfort without him. In this
situation I will surely need large
financial old Uoct