Warren sheaf. [volume] (Warren, Marshall County, Minn.) 1880-current, 1916-12-20

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N AY! did you ever get reckless
and give Christmas dinner to
NJ an assorted collection Of petri-
fed relations?
Take it from me, lodging benzine
buggies on the boulevard is sleepy
work in comparison.
Friend wife concluded it was up to
US to squeeze a few uncles and aunts
into our by dining room and throw
turkey wings at them, so l coaxed |
my nervous system to behave and told
Peaches to cut loose.
She sat down and invited Uncle Pc
ter Grant and Aunt Martha, Uncle |
Gregory Smith and Aunt Bessie. Then |
she went in, took another look at
the dining room and stopped.
Invited Bud Hawley, his wife Sybil,
and Hep Hardy, and explained to them
that we would all have to sit edge-on
at the table and get our meat cut in
the kitchen, so as to avoid hitting
each other ON the funny bone, and it
was SO ordered.
Hep arrived early. He always does.
He generally breezes in with the in
formation that four pages of tango
music are waiting for him in some
hoof palace, and he has to hurry away,
but on this occasion he concluded to
see the fight to q finish.
Then the other members of our din
ner party began arriving and the mad
revel was on.
Z. Uncle Peter brought a friend-the
famous food expert, Doctor Smother
! Joy.
The doctor is high card with Uncle
Peter.
He is one of those old ginks with
beady eyes and license to hunt for
germs, and everything he eats has
first to give the countersign and then
go through a written examination.
Uncle Peter believes every word
that leaves Doc Smotherioy's face, but
Z for my part think he's an old Cam
embert.
At any rate, no sooner were we seat
\
whiskers carefully, coughed to attract
attention, then picked up ittle-neck
clam on the end of his fork and pro-
ceeded to give it the third degree.
s'The adulteration Of foodstuffs these
days is being carried on to an extent
worse than criminal" the old bluff be-
gan solemnly. "Ah, even here l see
traces of sally-sillic acid with borax-
phosphos even here on this clam
"Put little tabascos on it and cut
loose" suggested Bud Hawley.
'sHave lemon" said Hep. squeeze
It over the clans and make WISH
Uncle Peter listened with marked at.
tention, while Uncle Gregory glanced
at his clans and shuddered.
The doctor ate his unconcernedly.
When the soup came on the Doc
lifted a spoonful thoughtfully, then
sloshed it slowly back into his plate,
while the two unkies eyed him ner-
vously.
'Tt's bullyon," whispered Uncle Pc
nOcence.
"Here," said the doctor, examining
his spoonful critically, 'here are
traces of hydrophosphates and about
ten per cent philharmonic acid"
II never eat SOUP" gurgled Uncle
Greg, because it's a waste of good
space
The doctor said nothing more, but
quietly surrounded his soup.
When the fish was served the doc
tor danced over his plate with his fork
and said, "Hydrostatic acid with here
and there symptoms of manganese
germs and few sulphide microbes"
Uncle Gregory pushed his plate back
with a sigh that was pitiful to hear
Peaches was now so nervous that
her hands were doing shaker dust
and there was a big pink spot or
each cheek.
The others at. the table, with the
exception of nervous old Uncle Greg
DRY, paid not the slightest attention tt
Doctor Busyface.
Even Uncle Peter threw away hi:
germ fear after the clam episode, AM
took a long chance with everythin.
from soup to nuts.
Next we had some turkey witt
mashed potatoes, green peas ant
asparagus tips.
When Uncle Gregory saw all thi
his face broke out in a smile, and W
could see his appetite roll Up it
sleeves.
"In. this" the doctor began AGAR
holding up turkey wing on his forl
Gin this we have cold-storage tul
key which has been treated with OF
alic acid and chloride Of potassium
to keep 1t in shivering state"
sPardon me, DOCTOR exclaime
Peaches Indignantly, shut it isn't
cold-storage turkey, because it wa
sent me as a present by some friend
On Long Island only this morning"
"Possibly,'' went on Caterpilla
Charlie, possibly my hurried diagnos