Ellsworth American. [volume] (Ellsworth, Me.) 1855-current, 1916-09-20
finnegan's Philosophy
RALAAM

Well do l mind the story. said
Finnegan. Balaam was highbrow
that knowed less than his Jackass. He
took an office to curse the people.
The Jackass saved them. It's an In
Numbers Twinty-two Och hone. It's
different these times The Jackass
knew better tn Balaam tanned him
Lave me ride ye.- says Balaam. AN
I'll make ye the biggest Ass In the
wurld.'
Great says the ASS: what dye
feedg'
Pork says Balaam-
Me savior" says the ASS
Sc BALKAN mounts. But soon the
Jack balks.
"Phwat Is ity" says Balaam.
Snakes says the Ass: "Ut looks
Ike the jawbone nv me mother
'Gwan." says BALKAN, hittin' the
Ass a clip. tbs me furren' policy"
he says.
.'Phwat's ut forT axes the Ass.
ut deands the nashun." says Ba-
laam.
sHow?" says the ASS.
Faith" says Balaam, ut takes q
bigger ASS than you to know that
Lave 1t TO Brine" says Balaam to the
ASS; an the Jack walks on meiita-
tin.
-Hee. haw." says the ASS, balkin' an
kickin'.
What nowT says Balaam.
"Divil Jackass ever seen the like
says the ASS. "Ct could be a frog"
says he. 'for ut stands up In front.
an sits down behind: an It's mostly
mouth" says the ASS. ut has white
feathers" says the Jack, vivid yaller
streaks, that changes" he says. TO
Very Crooz Red. or Niagaray Blue, an
now they're Carrysail Yaller again.
says he. "Hivins. have been drink
In r screams the ASS TO BALKAN.
Saints be praised" says Baiaam.
Me Watchful Waitin' can still change
its mind be says. "G'wan, where
glory waits" he says. "G'wan, in the
service NV Mankind says Balaam to
the ASS. touching him up. An the
ASS shufiles ahead. wavin' his ears in
"Hee-haw. Hee-haww says the Jack.
rearin' up wild his eyes bulgin'.
"Phwat's grippin' We now?" says Ba-
laam. impashunt like.
Il donno.' says the Ass. "Ut looks
Ike the FLYNN Dutchman with q So
cialist Crew" lie says.
lis me Ship Bill" says Balaam.
Side step to the right" he says. -'side
step to the left" says he, victim him.
Back up" says Balaam. near wrench
in of the Jacks jaw. Now forward
for the Merchant Marine an fifty
millyun pork" says BALKAN wild a
shower Nv blows; an the ASS goes on
"Wah-hee. yah-hee, wah-hee.~ says
the Jack, shyin' so he near threw his
rider
"Iu learn ye to shy at me Naval
BILL" says Balaam. lar-rupin' the haste
% be cud scarce stand.
''Ye can't pass ut widout wearin'
Republican Clothes" says the Jack In a
coarse whisper.
''Ye ASS" says Balaam. Don't ye
know that amy cloes Is betther nor
nakedness: G'wan." says Balaam. In
tones Nv thunder. So the poor haste
lopes on, li.lpin' wild pain.
I've not time to tell ye all the adven-
lures they had. but they KEEP on over
rough roads, now an then crossin'
ditch on a wan term plank, which
made even Balaam unaisy. Iviry time
the Jack kicked, he got short rations
an wallup. So when the journey
was near over, the poor haste wus all
In, and far too proud to fight Any
Jack-Ass can be that when he's licxed
Wan stormy night, the Jack blooms
into a harmony like Dimycrat Tariff
Hymn played on a gaspipe wild the feet
"Phwat ails We nowf' calls BALKAN.
ciubbin' him wild both hands.
"Nivver did pass the like" yells the
ASS, sweatin' and thremblin'. ut
says ut's an eight hour law. Oh. phwat
Is ut?r screams the Ass to Balaam.
feebly Vaughn his ears.
II dinno phwat ut Is meself," says
Balaam. but know phwat ut's got"
Balaam says.
"Phwat?" axes the poor Ass.
"Five hundther thousand votes" says
Balaam, wild a pious air. 'G'wan, ye
big ASS. an doant ye argue wild an
Idaylist," says BALKAN to the ASS.
I'VE can't pass ut In the dark" pleads
the Ass. Lave US wait for light"
means the Ass, weepin'.
Nix" says Balaam, There's hot
time comm an the votes'l Spite. Do
ye thurst for sixteen more years In the
wilderness? Giddip," says he. ''purg-
In yer heart" says BALKAN. ''iv iviry
thought that's selfish" says BALKAN.
'or personal" chants Balaam to the
poor Ass ticklin' the Jacks Stats wild a
couplin' pin.
By this time, the ASS was so wore
out wild his ardyous labors, that he