River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1916-10-12
FINNEGAN'S PHILOSOPHY
NS(~
On the Merry-Go-Round.

Faith an now Wilson's for pro-
lection. Four year agone he was agin
it, for it was agin the conStychooshun.
Now that he is for it. that immortal
Instrument has also changed its
mind. He makes me head shwim.
''But I've good company. Bryan an
Garrison, the civil service Dimycrats,
and the rale Dimycrats, the Passytists
an the vulgar sowls that's none Too
Proud to Fight'-they've all been on
the Merry Some iv thin
turned sick.
"'God bless ye-ye're a good man,
but We make me dizzy says Bryan,
leppin' from the Hobby Horse and rum
MIN for the woods. I've a ginywine
raygrit at losin' ye,' says Wudthrow
THROWN him a Cooked Hat iv the vim
tage of 1909.
"'Here's the Army BILL says Garri-
son. How does it suit? he axes,
"'Fine' says Wudthrow, 'barrin' a
few changes Yell redraw it, he
says, TO PROVIDE says he, 'vOlun
tary universal service in a Federal
Milishy,' says he, controlled be the
states says he; 'an' recruited be
spiritual com-pulsion,' says he. 1t
shud be nayther too large nor too
small says he; or maybe BOTH he
says; AN the ammynition,' says he
must be nayther too much nor too
little says he. I've to see Hay, be-
fore decide the daytales, for it's me
Ej'ooty to kape an open mind says
HWudthr0w.
"'StOp the music and lave me off,
says Garrison. Are We crazy or am
il? Garrison means, layin' on his back
am gain wildly at tn sky. God bless
We says WudthrOW. I've q near-real
raygrit at losin' you he says. And as
Garrison beats it to Jarsey the Merry
!GO-Round plays a side step.
"'Fwhat iv the Navy?' says Kitchin.
1T shud be thruly adequate ivry-
where says the Great Idaylist, 'ex-
Icept in MOntany, where we need no
Navy says he, and in st. Louey,
where it shud be the biggest in the
world. Wen be none exthravagant
like thin Republicans says he, 50
here's the Dimycrat bill yen pass
says he.
"'But this same is the Raypubli-
cans BILL says Kitchin starin'. YEN
go an pass it, says Wudthrow, pound
ing the desk. 'Hooray' says the black
,Raypublicans votin' for the bill. DO
j dream, says Kitchin. IF / liver,
drank, I'd t'ink l was boozed,' says
Kitchin. in a thremblin' vice. And he.
falls off.
elbow about the Army bill? axes
Hay.
Thorough an instant preparation
for definse must be the wurd,' says
Wudthrow, wild heroic ris'lution In his
eye.
81 have here bill,' says Hay, pro-
vidin' for an increase ~ five hundther,
men year for twinty year. he says.
AN amynishun for six hours ackshun,'
he says, ''twill make us safe from
Madagascar, measles, muckrakin',
milit-rism and marital infidelity' he
says, AN Wen catch Willy before he
dies av he dOan't die before we catch
him. says Hay.
Embrace me- says Wilson. oh
Hay-afther all preparedness is a
matther iv the heart an not of guns
or forts. Did Cleveland ivir give We
a jOb?' he axes, stoppin' short like.
"Divil a wan,' says Hay. Thin
says Wudthrow shakin' the 6oth iv
Hays hands cordial like, for yer patri-
otto service in so bravely sipportin'
me policies he says, in all their
phrases he says, I make a judge iv
ye'he,' says he, as well as yer frind
that We put in the JOKER says the
Prisidint. 'Howly Saints says the
preparation Sinitors.
'Ph'what does this mean at all
at all? they axes. I've the wan
thrack mind says the President, AN
We go all through me train iv thought
before ye come to the pork car says
he. Are We OnY axes the Apostle Nv
Common Counsels.
"'We're on says the Sinitors, fall
ing off. An the Merry-Go-Ro plays
a Wilson Waltz, (Which ye know.
Jawn, is wan step forward, two steps
back, hesitate an sidestep). An Tu-
multy goes out to spread the glad
tidin's that the preparation p'rade will
be led be the President in person.
allow does he save his face?" asked
Malumphy.
"Wid his mouth" responded Finne-
gan dryly.