davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-02-24
LITTLE NEW YORK STORIES
 BY A BIRMINGHAM MAN
By ALLEN GRIFFIN JOHNSON

And that fellow would never have heard of Waco if Jean Edward de Saint Cyr or Jack Thompson, or whatever the fel- lows name was who married Mrs. "Sl- lent Smith, hadn't recently been dis. covered to have hailed from the Texas city
 However. such examples of ignorance are not infrequent here. I met a bar tender once who didn't know the name of the church upon the next corner.
 Reisenwebers has just opened "Ha- waiian room" One hears frequently of new rooms or halls being opened" in various restaurants and dance palaces in the white light section. Why2 Because people of prominence, celebrities, etc have formed a habit of attending these openings, just like they go to the first nights at the theatre, therefore it pays the restaurant man to change the decora- tions and a few other things in some room about once in every two weeks, and announce the opening of a Hula Hula room, or somethig of the sort.
 Why on earth bunco man should sell a gold brick to a countryman can see, when there are many native New Workers to whom he could sell it with much greater ease, and, furthermore, they would not attempt any comeback when they discovered they were bluncoed they are so accustomed to 1t.
 Snow must be almost human-it falls oftenest where people want it least, and least where they want it most.
 Received a second request from Bir- mingham to write something about New York styles"-Im not a cubist I'm a correspondent.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-02-24

an, instead of replying haughtily, T do not wish your acquaintance, sir" mere ly gave him glassy smile and said: "Oh, yes, you do I don't need any
 one to identify me. I'm the 'red-headed hen next door to you, whose imps of boys are always running across your garden. When you started to town this
 morning your wife said: Now Henry, if you want dinner fit to eat this evening you'll have to leave me lit
 tie money. I can't keep this house on Christian Science"
 "Here is your money" interrupted the paying teller faintly.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-02-24

all things must return to their original condition. We shall all be here again eating a dinner precisely identical. Will you give us credit until we come back?"
 Well" replied the land1ady, "you were here 25,O00.000 years ago, and you left without paying the bill then. Settle that account and I will trust you for what you have had today"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-02-24
IT CAME OF A SUDDEN

Now the Wall Street Journal shows that a condition which was vaguely and faintly predicted as something that might be established in the United States when third of the present century had gone has actually taken place within a year and half.
 If there be set side by side two tables,
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-02-24
Expense of Knowing People

From Judge.
 For knowing barber-$5 a year. neighbor, say two dinners. an auto ride every third week and treats--s40 year.
 A girl+-from $40 to $4000 year Any radesman-About the same. A friend, average-$200
 A close friend-$100.
 Anyone-Average $50.
 The hermit spends practically noth- ing. How much do you spend? Think this over.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-02-24

There are certain children's dis eases which demand quick action. Every careful mother will see to it that the ailments of youth are guar ded against by the possession of helpful remedies.
 When midnight comes and your child arouses you to it's suffering if it is gasping for breath and strang- ling, 1t needs a quick and harmless
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-02-24
Whooping Cough and Group Effectively
 Relieved by Pine Tar Honey
The Ioosennz phlegm results in easier breathing
 Dr. Bells Pine Tar- Honey is quick in its relief.

remedy to loosen the phlegm and ease the throat. "Pine-Tar" loosens the mucous and acts as an antiseptic while honey eases the throat and again permits free and natural breathing.
 Numerous testimonials vouch for the immediate and permanent relief obtained, and insist that it be kept in the home for all cold troubles. 25c
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-02-24
Shrewd Retort

From Tit-BItS.
 The late Sir Robert Ball, the famous astronomer keen humorist, was never loath to recount joke at his own ex- pense. He was dining with some friends at Stratford, and on. the bill being pre- scented he said to the landlady:
 Madam, I am going to give you a lesson in astronomy. In 25,000,000 year.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-02-24
Proving It Logically

From Browning's Magazine. Joe Cose-Pm the soul of wit. Moe Rose--Poohi
 Joe Cose-Well. breyity is. isn't it? Moe Rose--So they say. Joe Cose-Brevity means short, doesn't it?
 Moe Rose-Yes.
 Joe Cose-Well. that's ma
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-02-24
CONFIDENCE IN SELF IS
 SECRET OF SPEED KINGS
By DOLLY pALRY MPLE

How'd you like to interview speed lxing?'" was the question which was put to me yesterday, demanding an immedi- ate reply.
 How can I tell? I've never been nearer to one than the grandstand, when they've been flying around race course like sc many birds. But I'll do anything once so bring the gentleman along"
 An hour later there walked into my lit tie niche in the wall a tall, slender youth, with big brown eyes and the most demure expressionIlooked more like a college boy than anything else could think of all in minute; certainly less like speed king" than anything in the world.
 From his name (a1though the nice man who'd arranged the Interview called him "Eddie'') 'Rickenbacher," I had pie tured a big, burly, red-faced German; the kind that eats sourkraut and drinks beer (when he can get it in a "dry'' town).
 Imagine my delight when met most refined and clever young gentleman, whom, as I said previously, had all the manners and air of a college fellow, and was as modest as a girl. Of course, he never takes a drink nor does he smoke; and he isn't married, because Mir Carl Fisher, who owns the Indianapolis speed way and backs MT. Rickenbacher, or whatever it is they do to racers" (you see don't know much about such things, because the fastest I've ever ridden Is in Chestnut Hill bus, and if it went any faster, if your teeth were rented and your false hair wasn't pinned on tight, youd be hopelessly minus some of your er-er-well, accessories. at the end of the -ride). has an iron-clad rule that no racer in his service, nor mechanician who accompanies him, can be married.
 So, it's pay your money and take your choice, MT. Speed King
 What on earth, or below it, or above it." 1 commenced, curiously, lever in- dueed you to choose racing as a profess sion? Why, it's just terrible; you take your life in your hands every minute you are on the race course"
 MT. Rickenbacher smiled and said:
 T remember once being in New York and looking out of my window--it was some 20-odd stories high where my room happened to be in the hotel-and I saw fellow hanging in midair you might say, on the top of one of those skyscraper buildings. He was working for dear life,
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-02-24
Fully Identified

From the Kansas City Journal.
 But don't know you, madam pro- tested the paying teller to a woman who had presented a check The Wom-
The Dolores star., 1916-09-22
OLD PRESCRIPTION
FOR WEAK KIDNEYS

A medicinal preparation like Dr.. Kill
mer's swamp-Root, that has real curative
value almost sells itself. Like an endless
chain system the remedy is recommended
by those who have been benefited to those
who are in need of it.
DR.. Kilmer's Swamp Root is a physi.
clans prescription. 1t has been tested
for years and has brought results to count
less numbers who have suffered.
The success of DR.. Kilmer's Swamp Root
is due to the fact that it fufills almost ev.
cry wish in overcoming kidney, liver and
bladder diseases, corrects urinary troubles
and neutralizes the uric acid which causes
rheumatism
Do not suffer. Get bottle of Swamp
Root from any druggist now. Start treat.
ment today.
However, if you wish first to test this
great preparation send ten cents to Dr..
kilmer 4 Co., Binghamton, N Y, for .
sample bottle. When writing be sure and
mention this paper.-Adv.
The Dolores star., 1916-09-22

has claimed more victims than any
other Is that known In doctors slang
as gas gEngrene." Gas gangrene Ii
CAUSED by the presence In a wound Of
certain types of bacilli classed n
''anaerobic." that Is. bacilM which can
not live In air. the vital principle Of
which Is oxygen. They exIst-like the
tetanus bacilli-in cultivated soil, and
II Is because the war is being fought In
France among the peasants fields that
they are introduced so constantly by
ricocheting bullets or scraps Of earth
stained clothing into the soldiers
wounds.
Once there they set about producing
tiny gas bubbles among the tissues.
hence the name gas gangrene." But
the gas they cannot endure Is oxygen.
and the obvious way to destroy them
Is 10 introduce oxygen into the inner
most recesses Of the wound. This Is
secured by various methods according
to the nature of the injury. A hole
right through the shoulder will be ster-
iiized by the use of n wick drawing
peroxide Of hydrogen from a small
tahk above the bed. Another kind OF
wound may be sprayed with ozone and
the third more conveniently dealt with
by means of perforated tube fed with
oxygen gas from a cylinder.
The operations to which reference
has been made would doubtless be de-
scribed as severe even by the surgeons
themselves; nevertheless, modern sci.
ence has robbed them Of most of their
terrors. The improvements in anes-
thetics have been such that 1t is no
uncommon thing for an operation to
last two hours and for the patient to
feel no i'll effects from the drug a
quarter of an hour after he RECEIVERS
consciousness. Some. indeed. will be
smoking cigarette within that space
| of time. The secret lies in the admin.
istration of oxygen with the anes'
thetic.
The Dolores star., 1916-09-22
LOST HIS MEMORY AT FIRE
Indiana Man, Who Was in Iroquois Dis
aster In Chicago, Forgot
His Past Life.

Binghamton, N. Y.-After being
given up as dead 10 years, Milton Sim
mons, KokOmO. Ind, real estate dealer,
has returned to his mother. Mrs.
Cecilia Simmons, Syracuse.
Simmons tells remarkable story of
his loss of memory resulting from the
Iroquois fire In Chicago. He was oper-
nting spot light in the balcony when
the fire broke out and he was plunged
90 feet into the bodies below, but was
rescued. The fall caused loss of men,
DRY, and after two months in hos
pital he recovered, going to Upton,
Ind, where he engaged in business
and married. Later he went into the
real estate business in Kokomo, where
he now resides.
Increasing pressure on the bpNn
from the injury resulted in the neces-
sity for an operation last winter, and
following this he gradually regained
memory of his mother and his former
life.
The Dolores star., 1916-09-22
WILL NOT GET HER WAIST
British War Regulations Prevent "a.
ther Of Indiana Woman From Fol.
lowing Usual Custom.

Fort Wayne, Ind. - Mrs. Brownie
Simmons Of Chicago. who has been
visiting relatives in Fremont, will not
receive this year a waist from her IA
Their in England, as sh- has each year
for many years, because of the war
regulations. She has received letter
from her mother styling the customs
officers have refused to permit the
waist to be sent out Of the country,
saying that would mean another waist
would have to be imported to replace
1t. Mrs. Simmons mother also wrote
that she is required to spend one day
each week wheeling wounded or sick
soldiers about for an airing.
The Dolores star., 1916-09-22
SPEEDING IS UNDER A BAN
Heavy Penalty Follows Reckless Oriv-
ing In French War
Zone.

strapped to a wagon in full view
OF the troops for two hours a day. loss
o. w days pay and loss to the wife Of
the mans allotment" was the punish
ment awarded by a field court-mar-
oal to driver for very slightly ex-
ceeding the speed limit" Was Mr..
Lloyd-George aware Of the case? Mr..
G. Watson asks.
The court martial was quite within
Its rights, is the reply Of the war Of
fee. Very strict regulations have been
laid down to prevent reckless driving
In France. the authorities there hav-
Ing had their attention called to a
number of cases where children had
been injured owing to that cause.
The Dolores star., 1916-09-22
unsupported Efficiency.

The bureau of plant Industry is en-.
deavorihg to improve tobacco by scien.
tiflc study of the different brands. To
eliminate the personal equation In
smoking and to secure uniformity OF
conditions the bureau has carefully
regulated apparatus for testing the
burning quality Of cigars. The pull
on the cigar Is secured by means Of an
aspirator, which Is filled by a continu.
GUS inflow Of water and emptied at
regular intervals by siphOn. The
pull" occurs ut intervals Of 80 sec.
onds and lasts for period Of ten sec.
onds. The apparatus smokes four
cigars Of the perfecto type in about 30
minutes.-TObacco.
The Dolores star., 1916-09-22
Loading Guns With Air.

Jack Tar knows what it means to
tote heavy shells around ship. but JACK
Tar will not need to worry about this
duty longer, according to the Popular
Science Monthly. Ammunition Is now
loaded by pneumatic tube straight
from the magazine to the firing turret.
An Intricate mechanism prevents the
shells from entering the breeches of
the guns at great speed and also pre-
vents any mistake in firing.
The Dolores star., 1916-09-22
Save the Babies.

ONFANT MORTALITY something fghtful We hardly realise 49,
Of al he chldn born in ciyi.e COUNTRIES R e
6teeni
DO hesitate that timely q c..oa would ave
Neither
these nfants deaths oocaoned BY the q narcotic
more lee. opium morphine They IN oons1,he quans
death opases s1actZ The b.s
blood o popsry opens the -
Of the akin and allays fever ~
always signature efGze<TZEzESe
The Dolores star., 1916-09-22
Who Said hash7

Bacon-A museum Of the horse. pre-
senting u complete history Of that AMI
NAL from the earliest known period to
the present, has been established in
Paris.
Egbert-Well, from all reports. Paris
is a proper place to look for the re-
hash of the horse.
The Dolores star., 1916-09-22
FIERY RED PlMPLES
eoothed and Healed BY cutieura soap
and Ointment. Trial Free.

Smear the affected skin with Cuticura
ointment on end Of finger. Let It re-
main five to ten minutes. Then wash
on with plenty Of Cuticura Soap and
hot water. Dry without irritation.
Nothing like Cuticura for all skin
troubles from infancy to age.
Free sample each by mail with Book.
Address postcard. Cuticura. Dept. L
Boston. Sold everywhere-Adv.
The Dolores star., 1916-09-22
Cold onatehen.

Te..cher-Johnny. can you tell me
the function Of the pores Of our
bOdies1
Johnny-They are the things we use
to catch cold with.-Christian Reg
lister.
The Dolores star., 1916-09-22
Just Rioht.

"A penny for your thoughts, dear"
Il was thinking of that exquisite
perfume and Its cost"
"Ah! 1 knew your thoughts were
about a scents worth"
The Dolores star., 1916-09-22
Cheap.

How did you make out with your
garden this year?"
Fine. raised so many vegetables
that the exercise got out Of working
in It cost me hardly ANYTHING ut all"
The Dolores star., 1916-09-22

David Cline of Philadelphia has COM
2leted without an accident As years as
railroad engineer.
The Dolores star., 1916-09-22
HE Meal Tlcssse.

Il met Mr.. BlinkS at the Van 0oD0
dinner last night. Isn't he most ~.
cinating manT
He has to be. II Blinks didn't ~
invited ont to dinner three o. fo0R
times a week he'd starve to death"
The Dolores star., 1916-09-22

A henpecked man Il a silent partner
of his wife's woes.
The Dolores star., 1916-09-22

BacOn-I see Choctaws and Creeks
living in Texas have scarcely anything
traditional left except their speech.
Egbert-Well, I know lot Of wom-
en- who can tell 'em where they can get
more paint and feathers.
The Dolores star., 1916-09-22

Instead Of running away from your
work try to find more efficient way Of
doing it. That Is the secret of sue
cess.
The Dolores star., 1916-09-22

Red Cross Bag Blue makes the laundress
happy. makes clothes whittier than snow.
All good grocers. Adv.
The Dolores star., 1916-09-22

B. II. Foster owns 1900 acres Of
wheat near Smith Center, Kan.
The Dolores star., 1916-09-22

But you can't get rid Of your stense
rapher by marrying her.
The Bridgeport evening farmer., 1916-06-22
OUR VIEWPOINT \
 NEWS LETTER
Especial to The Farmer.J

Newtown, June 22-The board of apportionment met at the High school building Tuesday afternoon to pass upon estimates of expenses for main taining the High and district schools for the year 1916-17. The suns ap- propriated for districts remain the same for last year, but the amount allowed for the High /school shows a slight increase over 1915. The administrator of the estate of John M Heating will present his ac- count at session of the probate court to be held June 27, at 2:3O p.
 of Sandy Hook, but now of Oakland, Cal. is revisiting former friends in the village. He holds a position in the post office of the Western city. He came East to the home of his parents at Bristol, R. l., upon the death of his father, a short time ago.
 Miss Doris Downs of Danbury, has been engaged as instructress in the High school to fill vacancy caused by the resignation of Miss Irene Warren. The appointee is a graduate of Mount Holyoke, and comes exceedingly well recommended.
 Mrs. Elizabeth Wilson of Danbury, who has been visiting her son, George R. Wilson, has gone for a visit with her daughter, Mrs. Leonard N. Elsenboss, of Brookf1e1d.
 Miss Helen L. Allen has been wis., iting in New Haven.
 MT. and Mrs. Edson Sanford are oc- cupying their summer home, expecting to remain all season.
 Edward Barnett student at Trinity College, Hartford, who is a member of Troop B, cavalry, Hartford, will join the colors this week soon as the commencement exercises are over. The troop was scheduled for Mantle camp Saturday but it is believed the summer work will be passed over and the troop will entrain at once for the Mexican border.
 Gordon Gale is at home from Wes- 1eyan. College for the summer vaca- ton.
 Harold Behn of Lynn, Mass, who has been visiting his parents in Dodgingtown was recent guest of BrookfeId friends.
 The HopeweI district school was closed Friday, June 16, for the year, after 35 weeks instruction had been given. As the state law requires a minimum of 18O days each year the school reopened yesterday for one week more of schooling under direc- ton of the board of education.
 Eli B. Beers was a visitor in Bridgeport yesterday. Both departments of Sandy Hook school will close this week for the summer vacation.
The Bridgeport evening farmer., 1916-06-22
TRUMBUL.l!

MT. and Mrs. Benjamin Birks en- tertained on Sunday, MT. and Mrs. Burr and family of Bridgeport.
 Miss Fannie Bowker is confined to her home with an attack of double tonsilitis
 MT. and Mrs. Walter Peck of Bridgeport were guests, Sunday, at the home of MT. and Mrs. Howard s. Beach and MT. and Mrs. Ernest S. Ward.
 Mrs. Daniel Ward, Miss Dora Ward and the family of Rol1in B. Burton have all been i'll with sore throat and tonsilitis. Ethel and Edwin Evitts have also been sick.
 Mr. and Mrs. Frank Wells were the guests Sunday of MT. and Mrs. Harold Holmes, of Stratford.
 MT. and Mrs. Samuel Ward enjoyed Point, Sunday.
 MT. Cotrel1 and family of Bridge port came to town Monday.
 A son was born last week toS MT. and Mrs. Carl Laufer of Long Hill
 The following pupils were perfect in attendance at Tashua school for the month of June-Theresa and Paul Schmidt, Dorothy and Samuel: See ley, Louisa, Mary and John Kaechele, Ebert Fuller, Rebecca Jones and Alexander Vass.
 Miss Ella Hopkins has accepted a position with the Rowland Dry Goods Go. through the summer. MT. and Mrs. Lorenzo Wi1dman re- gently entertained Roland Beiseiga1 at their home in Tashua.
 Miss Mabel Seeley was a week end guest at the home of her parents, MT. and Mrs. Charles See1ey.
 MT. and Mrs. John Treadwen at tended the wedding of their. cousin, Frank Treadwe11 of Weston, to Miss Corne1ia Buckingham of Southport, which was held at the home of her parents Thursday evening of last week Miss Bessie TreadweH and Hanford Wilson of this place also at tended.
The Bridgeport evening farmer., 1916-06-22
EMPIRE

a~The Masked Rider a gripping five part Metro-p1ay featuring May Ali son and Harold Lockwood and an all star cast will be the featured att traction at t< this theatre this even ing.
 s4The Masked Rider unfo1ds viri1e tale of the great and glorious Vest ern country. Thrills are in abund- ance/ in this feature and the entire production is one that will please one and all
 ''The Clown, the latest five part I.asky Paramount masterpiece un- folding a tale of the "1big tents'' and featuring Victor Moore that fninitabIe comedian of both the stage and the screen will be the featured attraction at this theatre tomorrow and Satur-
 In conjunction an all feature and select program of comedy and dra- matic subjects
The Bridgeport evening farmer., 1916-06-22
PLAZA.

s.An Innocent Magdalene" is the ti- Gle of the latest and undoubtedly the best Triangle feature to be seen at the Plaza 1t will be shown at that popular playhouse the latter half of the week, and judging from a perusa1 of the narrative, it should be one of the best crowd-getters in months. Lillian Gish, the charming star, has the leading pole and handles it Splen- didIy and in the scene where the trials of an unhappy marriage so completely overwhe1m her that she is about to take her own life, she is superb. The picture is in five parts
 Roy Harrah and a company of three strikingIy pretty young girls have an unusual skating novelty show ing possibilities in skating never be- fore imagined with which to head the vaudeville program
 The Bison City Four, the best com edy singing quartet in the realms of vaudeville will do their share toward making the bill a memorable one Each member of the act is possessed of a beautiful voice and the comedy they inject is unsurpassable.
 Sullivan and Meyers in their screaming diversion entitled How It Hppeneds and Prince Kindai in a delightful novelty production that will please and interest the most dis eliminating complete the vaudeville.
 A two>p part Keystone comedy makes up the remainder of a bill that will surely be a winner
The Bridgeport evening farmer., 1916-06-22
STEPNEY

Mrs. Glover B1akeman and daugh- ter, Ethel, have spent @ few days in Norwa1k where they were the guests of Mrs. Fred Lovejoy. -.
 Miss Emily Seeley attended the fu- neral of her brother in law, Albert Hull, held at his late home in An sonia, Monday.
 Mrs. Emily D. Leavenworth re- turned home on Sunday after spend ing a few weeks in Shelton
 Perkins Nichols, who Is e, student of Brown University, is at home now for the summer vacation
 Miss Edith Osborne of Monroe has been entertained at the home of her sister, Mrs Anna Gilbert.
 The entertainment held at the Meth odist parsonage Tuesday evening, was a, very successful affair. Supper was served to about 75 guests and a musical program was rendered dur ing the evening.
 pr. George Smith has spent few days this week in New Haven where he attended the Yale commencement exercises
 Miss Gertrude Craft was a guest on Tuesday, in Easton, where she attend ed the exhibit and closing exercises of the public schools held at the Grange hall.
 Mrs. Harriet Peck and Miss Marian Peck were recent guests of MT. and Mrs c. D. Osborne
 The community was greatly shocked Sunday by the death of Michael No Ian. MT. Nolan had been apparently well in the morning, but was taken i'll in the afternoon wfth~acute indiges- ton. The family physician was called but MT. Nolan passed away about 7 o'clock He is survived by a widow and two chsildren and Q large circle of friends who sadly lament his sud den death.
 Miss Edna Eastwood has been en- gagged as teacher in the Upper Step uey school for the ensuing year