The Detroit times., 1916-03-22
Valuable Health Hints.
ev DIR. SrsANk chsr-
(Copyrirtt. 1916. b. Frank Crane


health commissioner of Spokane.)
Indigestion. Purchase of your drug
gist large bottle of DIR. "OPENS Stom-
ach Bitters. This will certainly cure
your indigestion if taken in the follow
ing manner: Go out and run around the
block an hour before each meal. Come
home and tell three jokes to the family.
Laugh heartily. Rest while. Then
pour two spOonfuls of the bitters in the
sink. Eat sparingly. Quit before you
have that full feeling.
Tonic. Get 50-cent box of Foolem's
Tone-em-up Indian Pills. In the morn
ing take q cold plunge and rub briskly
with rough towel until the skin glows.
Then 60 out in the back yard, load the
pills into shotgun, and fire them over
into ten-acre pasture. Eat dose of
ham and eggs and walk briskly to your
work.
For Dyspepsia. Take three Curem
Charcoal Dyspepsia Tablets-take them
in your hand-and bury them in the
flower pot. Charcoal is good for plants.
Go to a dentist and have your teeth
cleaned. Eat slowly Chew well. Be
cheerful. Two or three boxes of the
tablets thus used will help the most OBJ
stinate case.
For Depression. Take several glasses
of Hiball's Pure Malt Whisky during the
day, empty them in the cuspidor, after
which drink plenty of pure spring water.
This has helped others, why not you?
For Constipation. Get a bottle Of Bill
kem's Liver Pills. Have your wife hide
them around the house. Get down on
your hands and knees and hunt them for
an hour, morning and evening. Drink a
glass of water upon rising. Eat sparing-
", but eat plenty of "roughness": that is,
lettuce, greens. cabbage, bran, etc.
For Morbidity. Read chapter 36 in
the textbook of your favorite religious
fad. Elevate your thoughts. Breathe
deep Think of Ram Chandra Kibosh's
remarks on soul vibrations. Then get
the colon bacilli out of you. Work hard.
Play hard. And you'll perk up soon.
To Reduce Flesh Buy box of DR..
Hanegrater's Reducing Pills. Roll EN-
home. Make the beds, sweep the floor,
do the dishes, wash out the children's
frocks, turn handspring. and roll the
pills back to the drug store.
For Pimples, Blackheads, and other
Complexion Bemishes. Visit Madame
Parlezvouss Beauty Parlors. Walk in
and ask for madame. Tell her it's a
| fine day but looks like rain. Then go
away Dismiss your limousine and walk
home Get plenty of exercise in the
open air. Eat little meat. Use cold
cream judiciously. Keep the bowels
open and the mind happy.
/ For Anemia, Malnutrition, etc. Use
two bottles of the celebrated Jones's New
Process Oil of Fish and Fowl Use them
on your automobile. Then cut out the
white bread, polished rice, and other de-
natured foods. and eat something that
has some nourishment in it.
To Soothe the Nerves. Buy one pound
of best smoking tobacco. Make strong
tea of it and sprinkle it on the rose
bushes. It's fine for plant life. Then
quit worrying, get plenty of sleep, play
tennis every day, and think as little as
4 possible about the people that don't like
lyou.
To Make People Love You. Buy
Faker's Secrets of Personal Magnetism.
Tor the Art of Love Making. Crumple II
up and start the fire in the CRATE WIN
liz Then be as unselfish and agreeable