davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1916-10-27

pathy for a bargain hunter anyway.
"And quite right too" Birsky said.
Its always a joke to stick bargain
hunter, Zapp, because If he wasn't out
to stick somebody himself a bargain
hunter wouldn't be a bargain hunter.
There is fellerS in this town, Zapp,-
mllionaires and college gradgewates
which when they talk about quack
stores gets so red in the face that
you'd think they was discussing labor
unions, Zapp, and in the very next
breath, understand, they'll tell how
they was motoring in the mountains of
West Virginia and how they come
across log cabin where go old Teller
and his wife was raising little corn
for living and eating it Of broken
down mahogany table nit handy legs,
club feet and all the other deformities
which turns human being into help
less cripple and a table into a ST.
600 antique, Zapp. Then they'll tell
you how they bought the table from
the poor mountaineer for $2.35 and
brought it back to New York and had
it polished for $1.03 and sold it to an
antique dealer for $1,275.60; and they
never stop to consider that while a
quack store proprietor may sell fur
overcoat for $3.50 by representing
that the lining is genwine seal, the gar
ment probably stands him in as much
as 5000, reckoning what he paid the
tailor for manufacturing and the S. p.
G. A. for the skins"
Sat the same time, Birsky," Zapp
said, ''if / would be reputable mer
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1916-10-27

chant, and zoitenly / TRY to be,
Birsky, wouldn't advertise my goods
in a paper which also accepts adver-
tisements from quack stores, because
figure that if a bargain hunter wouldn't
know of an advertised store where he
THINKS he could get a 500 overcoat
for $21, he would go to an advertised
store where he really and truly could
buy 500 overcoat for 500, or any
how $110.50. So you see, Birsky, CEN
surfing advertisements is really for the
benefit of the advertiser and not for
the Teller who reads 'em."
Maybe you're right, Zapp," Birsky
agreed, "aber it don't make no differ
ence how small it's circulation would
be, newspaper couldn't overestinate
the foolishness of people that read adj
vertisements."
II believe you" Zapp said. snow
you take me for instance, and 1 am a
pretty hard proposition. If l see IN
newspaper that l am recommended to
drink sparkling Graperina made from
the juice of the ripest Illinois grapes, l
take it for granted that on the bottle 1t
says: The contents of this package is
composed from grape skins, grape
stalks. glape boxes and grape barrels,
sweetened with sakkareeno and artiti-
cially colored and carbOnated, contains
$40 of 300 Benzo-boracid acid and
GIL of 1910 somethingate of soda and
an
ume.' Also l never fall for advertise
ments of cheap clothing, cheap straw
hats, cut price furniture or specials in
watches and jewelry, but when see
in a newspaper:
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1916-10-27

stead of a mustache," Zapp replied
because he would of been set back at
least $3.50 for shoes instead of twenty
cents for talcum powder"
"a teller who thinks he could get
bald headed by wearing any particular
brand of shoes should ought to get
stuck for $780," Birsky said, "never
mind he couldn't read English"
"Well, that only goes TO show how
careful a newspaper should be if it
doesn't want it's readers to be swim
died." Zapp said. "Some people which
is too foxy to believe anything they
read in the news section of newspa
per gets fooled very easy by advertise
ments. They could read it in the paper
how seals has become so scarce that if
all the seals in existence was divided
up among the inhabitants of the State
of Kansas there would be only .00062
seals to an inhabitant. Also they could
see in Sunday paper how the Secre-
tary of Commerce and Labor gives out
an interview that the United States is
keeping a line of battleships in Alaska
to prevent pOacherS from killing seals,
Birsky, but that owing to the high
price of sealskinS in New York, the
poachers takes a chance on getting
shot, starved, frozen and drowned and
sometimes catches as many as twenty
eight and a half seals in a season,
understand, and yet, Birsky, when a
concern by the name of the Paris and
San Francisco Fur Importing Company
advertises fur overcoats with Baffin
Bay Seal lining and genwine Prussian
Lamb collars at from 5000 to $21.50
apiece, them newspaper readers figure
what does a Secretary of Commerce
and Labor know about seals anyway"
maybe they figure that way, and
maybe they figure that the Teller which
is running the Paris and San Francisco
Fur Importing Company is just some
poor goose that has got ahold of line
of seal overcoats and don't know their
real value, Zapp, and never mind if
the Teller WOULD have wife and
family depending on him, Zapp, that's
HIS lookout. If he is fool enough to
let them seal-lined OvercOats 90 at
from 1899 to S21.50, he shouldn't be
in the fur business if he don't know no
more about furs than that; so they
buy an overcoat off of him, Zapp, just
to teach him a lesson as it were"
Sometimes they also figure that the
reason why the Paris and San Fran
cisco Fur Importing Company could
sell genwfne sealskins at $3.50 is that
the Overcoats was stolen, Birsky,'
Zapp said, $50 they go to work and buy
'em on the principle of what the eye
don't see it, what is it the hearts Dusi-
ness?"
Then what is the use Of newspapers
protecting them crooks by not printing
fake advertisements
Il don't know. Birsky," Zapp sai4.
"In fact. Birsky. 1 amt got no syn
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1916-10-27
To LiUe Long!

A recipe given by famous ply
sician for long life was: Keep the
kidneys in good order! Try to elimi-
nate through the skin and intestines
the poisons that otherwise clog the kid
neys. Avoid eating meat as much as
possible; avoid too much salt, alcohol,
tea. Drink plenty of water.
For those past middle life, for those
easily recognized symptoms of inham-
nation, as backache, scalding water"
or if uric acid in the blood has caused
rheumatism, rusty" joints, stiffness.
get Anuric at the drug store. This is
q wonderful eliminator of uric acid and
was discovered by DIR. Pierce of In
vallds' Hotel, Buffalo, n. Y. If your
druggist does not keep it send 10 cents
to DIR. Pierce for trial package and yeu
will know that it is thirty-seven times
more potent than lithia and that it dis
solves uric acid as hot water does
sugar.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1916-10-27
AeropIanes for Explorers.

Aeroplanes are to be included in the
equipment of an exploring expedition
that is setting out from Buenos Aires
to study little-known region which
includes Mar Chiquita, a lake having
an area Of some 1000 square miles, To-
Gated about $50 miles northwest of
Buenos Aires. 1t is the belief of the
explorer that with aeroplanes it will
be possible to secure panoramic pho
tographs which will prove invaluable
in showing the topography and ge-
ography of the country,-PopGlar Me-
chanics Magazine.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1916-10-27
f "Potash and PerLmutter .

IS confirmed in an action brought for
mat purpose, it being understood and
agreed that nothing in this guaran-
Tee shaH apply to or bind the party
making the same. his heirs, executors,
administrators and assigns.
Before newspaper accepts an adyer-
usement nowadays, it is censured the
same as an interview with General Jof-
fer' and If an advertisement comes in
from a shoe manufacturer with his
picture on it, they send a reporter to
make sure that the Teller is bald like
his photograph claims he is, and if he
isn't they wouldn't print the advertise
ment till the manufacturer comes down
and signs his name in the presence of
the managing editor, the art editor.
two prominent clergymen and a hand
writing expert.
"Aber what couldn't understand is +:
Why should manufacturer suppose it
helps the sale of his shoes to advertise
'em nit a picture of a bald-headed
man, even supposing he does look that
way?' Zapp said.
For that matter, Zapp, my wife's
brother Sig as young Teller used to
rub talcum powder on his upper lip,
because he thought it would make
grow for him a mustache like the fell
Ter on the box" Birsky said.
WAS there any such claim on the
box besides the picture?" Zapp asked.
NO." Birsly said, but Sig had just
come over from the old country and
couldn't read English"
We'll, all could say is he is lucky
he didn't want to raise bald head in.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1916-10-27
Cardul Wins Sult.

After a trial in the United States
District Court Of Chicago, before Judge
Carpenter and federal jury. the jury
found the American Medical Associa-
ton guilty of libelIng Cardui, the wom-
ans tonic which they had denounced
as ''noStrum."
This is vindication of the medicine
and a proof that it has merit, which
was recognized by a jury after a trial
of three months, one of the longest
civil cases on record.
Many doctors and chemists testified
on both sides and the evidence totaled
nearly four million words.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1916-10-27
New Fish Bait Declared Good.

The United States bureau of fish
cries reports that on the last cruise
of the Fish Hawk in Chesapeake bay
samples of graytish meat, put up in
brine, were distributed among crab
fishermen and dealers. to test its value
and the possibility of introducing it as
substitute for some of the bats now
on the marget. Fishermen who have
tried the grayfish say that 1t is very
good bait.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1916-10-27

and not only does all her troubles come
back on her, but she thinks she is also
developing a peculiar pain in her side"
Maybe the advertisement give it to
her." Birsky suggested.
Sure it did," Zapp replied. "This
here irst-to-last-the-truth advertise
ing is driving women to moving pic
lures, Birsky. Another thing is the
way drygoods stores is acting nova
days. Former times a woman buys a
dress at drygoods store on April End
and wears it up to and including July
18th, when she brings it back with
symptoms of a beefsteak supper, two
weddings and a chocolate nut sundae
on the front panel, Birsky, and for the
next six months she has the time of
her life trying to get a credit check
for it. 1t gives her fresh interest in
things. Her eyes get bright and her
cheeks is got fresh color in them the
same like an advertisement for COM
plexion cream before the enactment of
Section 31416, Subsection A, of the
Penal Code in relations to False and
Misleading Advertising. What is 1t
nowadays, Birsky? A crepe de chine
dress could have enough soup spilled
on it to make it look like MORE yc-
lour, Birsky, and when a woman re-
turns it with the pleasant expecta-
lions of never being so inSulted in her
life, Birsky, before she could even
open her mouth to say Listen! yum
derstand, the floor walker pulls a
credit check on her."
"And 1 suppose" Birsky commented,
"for the next few days she walks
around looking so downhearted that
whenever her lady-friends see her they
go home and practically throw tie
meals at their husbands and gives as
an explanation that they'd like to see
themselves worrying themselves to
death over any man."
"WelI, I'll tell you," Zapp said, may
be the drygoods stores is getting done
on their money back guarantees,
Birsky, but that's because they are suf-
fering from the fact that people amt
acquainted with up-to-date advertising
idees. Their customers still thinks
that when dryg00ds store says:
If anything you buy here proves un-
satisfactory it will be exchanged or
your money viii be refunded
Birsky, 1t must be understood that
such a guarantee means:
If anything you buy here proves un-
satisfactory by the evidence OF SIX
uninteresting witnesses which crack
er Jack A-number-one trial lawyer
couldn't rattle on cross-eXamination,
il will be exchanged or your money
viii be refunded when so ordered by
the Supreme Court Of the United
States or a Justice thereof after the
! last appeal gets taken and judgment
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1916-10-27

understand, it's all 1 can do 70 hold
myself back from ringiSs up the New
York agent and asking him would he
prefer cash oder a certified check"
ayes, Zapp." Birsky commented,
there's just enough of the rube in
each and every feller so that sooner or
later. init kidney pills or oitermobiies,
the fake advertiser will get him if he
don't look out"
cor if the newspaper proprietor
don't look for him," Zapp concluded.
Copyright. New York TrbVneJ
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1916-10-27

work and washing for eleven and ! can
truthfully say Lydia E. Pinkham's Veg
etable Compound has been godsend
n me for / would have been in my grave
todav but for it. / would tell all wo-
men suffering as was to try your valu-
sble remedy. - Mrs. VIM. GREEN, 1872
s Addison Street, Indianapolis, Indiana.
There is hardly neighborhood in this
country, wherein some woman has not
found health by using this good old
fashioned root and herb remedy.
If there is anything about which you
would like special advice, write to the
lydia E. Pinkham Medicine Co., Lynn,
Mass
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1916-10-27
HOW TO REMOVE DANDRUFF
itching and Irritation of the Scalp
With cuticura. Trial Free.

On retiring lightly touch spots Of dam
druf, itching and burning with Cuticura
Ointment. Next morning shampoo
thoroughly with Cuticura Soap and hot
water. These super-creamy emollients
90 much to keep the scalp clean and
healthy and to promote hair growth.
Free sample each by mail with Book.
Address postcard, Cuticura, Dept. L,
Boston. Sold everywhere.-AdY.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1916-10-27

nT<HERE is no more pleasure in
reading advertisements now
adays," said Barnett Zapp,
the waist manufactures, to Louis Bir-
sky, the real estater
why not?" Birsky said.
"Well," Zapp said, "what fun is it to
read in a paper:
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1916-10-27

GOWN InaC 1 could
not work. I was
thin, pale and weak,
W ighed but 100
pounds and was in
be d m os t of the
time. ] began TAX
ing Lydia E. Pink
hams Vege t a BILE
Compound and five
m n tn s later I
weighed 1873 pounds.
| do all the house,
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1916-10-27
Same as Home.

Mrs. Willis-So your husband has
gone TO the border How does he
like it?
Mrs. Gillis-I guess he feels right at
home.
Mrs. Willis-Indeed
Mrs. Gillis-Yes; he complains bit
terly about the food
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1916-10-27

since, in fact I am never ailing, only
with sick headaches, and 1 use Pleas
ant Pellets to cure these, which they
never fail to do. Or. Pierces medi-
cines are the very best for what they
are recommended. advise all weak
women to take Favorite preScrip-
ton MRS. EMIL SERvAIS, 500 N.
Madison St.--Adv.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1916-10-27
No Place for Jokes.

II see the word obey is to be left
out of the marriage ritual"
YES the church people evidently
thought the ritual was no place for a
joke. Post.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1916-10-27
Should Be Happy on Farm.

Those who dwell on farms should
be the most healthy and happy of all
mankind.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1916-10-27
Fancy Canine.

"Your wife seems fond of dogs"
81 don't think she really is. She
won't have a dog around unless he
looks more like chrysanthemum than
he does like a dog"
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1916-10-27

Saskatchewan, Canada, offers an in
Vltlng market for American clothing
groceries and machinery.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1916-10-27

Pimples, boils, carbuncles, dry up and
disappear with Doctor Pierce's Golden
Medical Discovery. In tablets or liquid.
ADV.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1916-10-27

Much of the experience that n man
acquires comes too late to benefit
him.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1916-10-27
Elusive Stove.

Has the furnace gone out, BriGgetw
ut didn't come through here, num-"
Facts and Fancies.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1916-10-27

A man who acknowledges that he is
n chump has begun to acquire wis
dom.
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1916-10-27
WOULD TESTIFY
Green Bay, Wis.-"Ah

AbOhl tNh yNdAn
ago 1 got very
weak and run
down. A friend
of mine advised
me to try DR..
Pierce's Fav0-
rite Prescrip-
ton, which /
did. Two bot
ties cured me
and l have been
strong an d
h ea Inv ever
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1916-10-27
WIFE TOO ILL
TO WORK
m BED MOST OF TIME
Her Health Restored byLydia
E. Pinkham's Vegetable
Compound.

indianapolis, Indiana. "My health
GAS so poor and my constitution SO run
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1916-10-27
Importan, TO Mothers

" tNtONACEg
Examine carefully every bottle OF
CASTORIA, safe and sure remedy for
infants and children, and see that it
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1916-10-27

\ U, MILWAUKEE, NO. 44-t910
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1916-10-27

Birsky, 1t must be understood tina
such a guarantee means:
Wauwatosa news. [volume] (Wauwatosa, Wis.) 1900-1948, 1916-10-27

If anything you buy here proves IN
satisfactory it will be exchanged or
your money viii be refunded
The Telegraph-courier. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1888-1946, 1916-04-27
SEEDS PACK PosToFFIcE.
Congressman Cooper is Not Forgetful
of Kenosha In Making the
Annual Distribution.

Congressman III. A. Cooper did not
forget Kenosha when it came to the
annual distribution of garden seeds
and this morning the postofice was
crowded full of mail sacks filed with
flower and garden seeds. There were
hundreds of small packages for the in
dividual patrons of the Office and eight
big mail sacks filled with flower and
garden seeds sent to organizations in
Kenosha. Under the government reg
ulations the contents of these big bags
are expected to be remailed to people
who may be members of the organiza-
ton. The consignment of seeds this
year was one of the largest ever sent
to Kenosha. There is still two United
State senators to be heard of and it is
expected when the contributions of
Senators LaFollette and Husting have
been received that no less than thous-
and pounds of government seed will
have been distributed in Kenosha.
The Telegraph-courier. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1888-1946, 1916-04-27
scoLARI HEARING ADJOURNED.
Attorney Hints at Conspiracy in the
Hearing in the Municipal
Court This Morning.

The preliminary hearing of the case
of the State VS.. Vito Scolari, was to
have come up in the municipal court
this morning. On the urgent demand
of the attorney for the defendant the
hearing was continued until May 9Th
and the defendant is released on bonds
of five thousand dollars. The attorney
for Scolari hints at conspiracy.
The man is charged with making a
criminal assault on Mary Ruffalo, an
Italian girl. Attorneys for the man
in court today insisted that they de-
sired to show up the motive for the
charge. It was declared that ScoIari
is not in high favor among some of the
people of the west side of the city.
The attorney said: "Scolari knows too
much about things that have happened
out on the west side and they want to
get rid of him. The police said the
suggesti~ of conspiracy was a real
joke.
The Telegraph-courier. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1888-1946, 1916-04-27
Three Motorcycle Cops to Be
Put on the Roads of Ke-
nosha County Starting
Next Week.
FRITZ RUDY BACK ON Job

Three big "Red Devils" with hoofs
and claws and everything that goes to
make up a perfectly good cred
Devil'' are up in the sheriff s garage
and next Monday morning the first of
them will be sent out of the garage
with orders to chase the automobile
speeders off the roads Of Kenosha
county. AS the weather warns up and
the automobiles get more numerous the
other two big cred Devils' will be
put into service. These cred Devils''
are motorcycles. The biggest and
most powerful known to the trade. 1t
is declared that they will make eighty
miles an hour and if any of the auto
mobile speeders escape prosecution in
Kenosha county this year the man at
the wheel will have to show a willing
ness to burn the gasoline and take
chances as great as a race driver
would take on track
eff they get away from these ma
Chimes" said Sheriff Stahl today,
"they will be entitled to immunity.
These machines will run just as fast as
it is possible to make a motorcycle
run. They belong to Kenosha county
all three of them-and all of them are
to be used for nothing else but catch
ing speeders. I have ordered Fritz
Rudy, the man who had charge of the
roads last season, to report for duty
early next week and just as rapidly as
there is shown a need of guarding roads
the other machines are to be in service.
/ have not selected the deputies to ride
the other two machines, but [ have
plenty of applications. -
Tt is expected that this work will
prove self supporting for under the
county ordinance all fines collected
from speeders on the roads out in the
county go into the county treasury
UP IN Racine county two men have al
ready been put to work on the lake
shore road and Racine county plans to
have a "Red Devil' on every road
leading out of Racine. Racine county,
like Kenosha county, is putting the
lines into the county treasury and it is
declared that even with a large force
of automobile officers the money taken
from fines is going to be sufficient to
keep the force paid up and the ma
chimes in working order.
The guarding of the roads in this
county IS being started a month earlier
than it was last year, but the. sheriff
has received scores of complaints of
reckless driving from people living on
both the lake shore and the Geneva
road. People in the western part of
the county want some attention to be
given to the roads there this year and
1t is certain that there will be DAYS
when the motorcycle squad will slip
out into Salem and Paris and even
Randall and Wheatland to pick up peo-
pie who think that the further away
from the city they go the faster they
may run an automobile.
The Telegraph-courier. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1888-1946, 1916-04-27
POLITICIANS LOOT OUT.
Charles Stuart Plans to Display Car
toons of Political Nature in q
Down Town Window.

Politicians are warned to keep on
their good behavior. Charles A.
Stuart, designer for the Simmons
Manufacturing company, is also car
toonist and he is going to keep his
hand in by cartooning things and peo-
pie in Kenosha as well as drawing some
pertinent political cartoons. These
Stuartgraphs are to be displayed in one
of the windows of the Palica store on
Main street and Mr.. Stuart is plan
ming to change the subject and change
the picture every week. He hash t time
to draw cartoon day, but he is GER
tain that there is going to be one a
week. Mr.. Stuart has rare sense of
humor and at the same time he knows
what 'fbiting sarcasm is and he is
going to give Kenosha people little
of both.
The Telegraph-courier. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1888-1946, 1916-04-27
SEEKS MAN LONG DEAD.
J. Fl. Sampson Of Ohio Wants Address
Of Brother Who Died More
Than Eight Years Ago.

Frank Sampson, formerly widely
known to Kenosha people, died at st.
Mary's hospital in Racine more than
eight years ago. His friends saw to it
that he was decently buried and they
made an effort to locate some of his
relatives, but they were unable to find
them and Sampson died and was buried
without any of his near-relatives know
ing anything about it. Now a brother
of Sampson has been discovered. J.
Fl. Sampson, writing from small town
in Ohio, has sent letter to Kenosha
asking that he be given some informa-
ton in regard to his brother. He states
that when Frank Sampson was last
heard of he was working on a farm in
the town of Pleasant Prairie. Samp-
son later came to Kenosha and for
many years he was in charge of the
Lippert barn. The brother has been
notified of the death Of Sampson.