davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Emmons County record. [volume] (Williamsport, D.T. [i.e. N.D.]) 1884-current, 1916-06-08
For Clerk Of Court.
political NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS.

hereby announce myself as j. candidate
Tor the democratic nomination for CLERK of
the District Court OF Emmons county,
North Dakota. subject to The will of tie
10 be held 1une q, 1916
FRANK j. MEIER. 4
Emmons County record. [volume] (Williamsport, D.T. [i.e. N.D.]) 1884-current, 1916-06-08
For Clerk of the District c,ur,

l hereby announce that l AM u candidate
for the Republican nomi alton for Clerk u,
the District Court of Emmons County, N u,
~ the primary election To be held .Iune ~.
1916
j. A. HEWITT.
Emmons County record. [volume] (Williamsport, D.T. [i.e. N.D.]) 1884-current, 1916-06-08
For County Judge.


VI
nm Candidate for the Republican nom
nation for County Judge subject to the viii
of the voters OF Emmons county n, the pri-
mary election to be- held June 2S 1916
FRED RENTS,
Emmons County record. [volume] (Williamsport, D.T. [i.e. N.D.]) 1884-current, 1916-06-08
For County Auditor.

tfolitical ADVERTISEMENT
hereby announce myself az Republi-
can candidate for the office of Auditor OF
Emmons county, subject to the decision OF
me th,s voters at the primary election June 2s.
Emmons County record. [volume] (Williamsport, D.T. [i.e. N.D.]) 1884-current, 1916-06-08
For Representative.

hereby announce myself as candidate fu
Representative from the 26Lh Legislativ,
district. subject to the will OF 1.-THE republi
can voters at the June 18th primaries.
O. A, WARD
The Lakeland evening telegram. (Lakeland, Fla.) 1911-1922, 1916-01-12
Wanted to Save His Soul,

The extension division of the Uni.
versity of Kansas has one less pack
age library on Socialism since a WON
an at Harper took the liberty recently
of showing her opinion regarding such
literature.
A young man rooming in her house
had obtained from the university a
number of books dealing with Social.
ism. He had left them on his libra "
table. The woman, in cleaning up his
room, found the volumes which to her
mind represented all the evils of an.
.archy and infidelity and unmention
able crimes. She decided to save the
young man from danger and lost nc
time in putting the vile books into
the fire.
The young man wrote an anxious
letter to the extension department ex
planning the matter, and the depart
ment has decided to excuse him.
From the University Kansan.
The Lakeland evening telegram. (Lakeland, Fla.) 1911-1922, 1916-01-12
Djus Mile of Ditch a Day.

The largest excavating machine
ever built is capable of digging mile
of ditch six feet deep and ~ feet wide
every day. 1t is employed in the con-
struction of canals and laterals CON-
prising an irrigation system to water
the 10000 acres which compose the
Cudahy ranch, situated in the Imperi-
al valley of Mexico. The conditions are
identical with those of the valley Of
the Nile, for this ranch is of silt lands
built up by the ages of overflow OF
the Rio Grande. The machine weighs
100000 pounds and covers an area of
25x6O feet. 1t is entirely Of steel con.
struction and Is propelled by two thir-
ty horse power oil engines. The fore
part of the machine carries the en-
gines which drive shaft wheel,
which in turn, by series of cogs and
chains, propels the machine over the
ground and at the same time operates
the immense circular digger carried at
the rear. This digger is equipped with
scoops bearing sharpened blades of
steel. 1t first picks up the dirt and,
revolving upward, drops it's burden
on to conveyors which carry it to
both sides. depositing it upon the
banks of the excavation. The machine
is so nicely adjusted that it can dig
ditch from two inches up to eight
feet in depth and from four to IL
feet wide, shaping and finishing the ex
cavation as it proceeds. With this ma
chine seven men do the work of sc
scraper shovels hauled by 100 mules
with a driver for each team.
The Lakeland evening telegram. (Lakeland, Fla.) 1911-1922, 1916-01-12

bother with. Her husband had long
since collected them. On a Thursday
afternoon, when the cook had gone to
the moving picture show, the wife
worked up an expression BETTING
such an occasion and put on her hat
and cloak and went to a drug store
three blocks away. She had been in
there before with her husband. It was
the proprietor that came forward, and
after swallowing the lump in her
throat, she gently asked:
do you keep arsenic?"
Certainly, ma'am. What is It to
be used for?"
The stereotyped reply on such &C.
casions is Rats" and 1t was given.
But Why not take a rat extermi.
nator?"
I'D rather have arsenic"
You'll have to write your name and
address in the book"
Very we'll"
1t was written, and after she had
secured enough arsenic to give fifty
rats that tired feeling and then some
more she departed.
Mrs. Stephen Agnew, 234 Vine ave.
nue." read the druggist again as soon
as the poison customer had left; and
| then he asked of his clerk:
Isn't that the wife of that insur.
ance fellow who has come in here
quite often to get something for throb
bling in the head?"
shouldn't wonder"
"She looked as If she was in trou
BILE. and I'm sorry | let her have the
stuff. Well, I'm clear of the law, any
how"
Two hours later the husband drop
ped into the store to say that he hat
wheels in his head again, and ths
druggist queried:
Married, aren't your"
ooh, yes"
Live at pa Vine avenue?"
yes. About the wheels in my head
You must
But l wanted to say that your wifi,
was in here this afternoon and bough
arsenic"
Good Lord!"
! ITO poison rats"
The Lakeland evening telegram. (Lakeland, Fla.) 1911-1922, 1916-01-12
NEVADA
BELLE
BY IloIA f0RRtSIER

copyright. 1911. by Associated Literary Pre,s.)
I'D like to know where you intend
to put him. that's all?" Dolores stood
on a chair to dust the grill work be-
tween the two front rooms Of the tiny
apartment and her tone was far from
being philosophical. On the floor by
the piano sat Gretchen in a Bingham
apron that nearly left her in total
eclipse. and industriously attacked
the mahogany with a damp channels.
When one has an uncle who Is .
real live senator, one does not think
Of such trifies. He has telegraphed
his most gracious intention OF visiting
US. Therefore, we must dust and pol
ish against the coming of the prince "
How old is he, Gret?"
II haven't the least idea." said the
polishing lady. cheerfully. He went
out west. or down to Texas. or some
such place, when l was about ~ high
as this piano stool. and he made his
pile. as they say. and got woefully
rich. | don't think he dug 1t out Of the
ground. It isn't a bit like our family
to do that More likely he invested
in town lots and then doomed the
town. and made 1t the county seat,
and got all the franchises that were
budding. The main point Is that he
is very wealthy. and has suddenly
felt heart throb. and a call back
home.
And to you"
That's only because there isn't any
home spot for him to touch except
where live" Gretchen rubbed vigor-
ously, ana her voice sounded muf1ed.
Were all dead in our family. 'ceptin
Uncle AL and my own sweet self"
Does he know that you sing?"
"He doesn't know thing except the
number on the lower hall door. dear.
He doesn't know that this artistic
abode is all yours. and that you're my
only friend in the world. and that I've
The Lakeland evening telegram. (Lakeland, Fla.) 1911-1922, 1916-01-12
Stephens
Statistics
By JOHN PHILIP ORTIZ

There was no question but that Miss
Gladys Farnham got good husband
when she married Stephen Agnew. He
was with a life insurance company
and stood high for character. For the
first three months after marriage
there were entertainments at home
and the theater and other things
abroad, but then a change came. Mr.
Agnew became preoccupied. He went
about whispering to himself, and he
neither wanted company at home nor
to seek advertisement outside. Every
night upon his arrival home 1t was the
library for him, and all the explana'
ton he had was that he was very busy
with Office matters.
II the young wife had been . coax.
ing, persistent woman she could have
learned all about 1t after a bit, but she
didn't coax, and after what she felt
was the one rebuff, she had no more
questions to ask. She took It out in
thinking and at the end of six months
she had come to the conclusion that
her husband was a disappointed man
in marriage. He was still kindly and
even-tempered, but unless something
preyed on his mind. why should he 60
about with that absent look on his
face, and why should he shut himself
up at home?
There was a reason, and the wonder
was that 1t did not leak out sooner,
The Afa {peurop,a oor,pouv hod nr1
NOTED Mr.. Agnew on his marriage to q
higher position and more salary, but
as an Offset he must delve into stats.
, tics until he could reel right OF the
number of old women in Indiana who
would die before the year expired, and
who would never see another Christ
mas. He must gather into the folds
of his memory all the diseases that
carried the insured to the grave-the
average of longevity since Moses came
out of the bulrushes-the action Of the
beans-what the difference was be
tween a man taking three or six nipf
per day, and many other things.
He wasn't the man. to give up aftel
he had started in, simply because sta
tistics danced before him day anG
night, but he kept on accommodating
and his wife kept ON thinking she was
shamefully neglected, until climax
came. A friend limited at divorce. ant
that brought the climax.
The plan adopted belonged to Mrs
Agnew alone. There was no statisticl
In It; that is, none that she had t
The Lakeland evening telegram. (Lakeland, Fla.) 1911-1922, 1916-01-12
SUED THE PAPER FOR
REFUSING HIS AID

To chow that newspaper adVertiS
inc IS absolutely necessary 10 carry
on : business a Wisconsin ciothins
merchant ha sbrought suit for dam
zoos against a newspaper which re-
fused TO carry the advertisements
he desired inserted in the columns
The clothier declares that the paper
was forced to refuse his announce
men,s because of threats OF Win.
drawal of the patronage of all other
merchants in the place if the adver-
tisement appeared. He sues lor
s15.O0C--which indicates that ne
considers the space was worth con-
siderable to his business.
All of which goes to show that the
newspaper is not now a luxury-or
ever a charity; it is a stern neces-
sity. Without it but little business
can be assured. The merchant VINO
fails to announce his wares Is ike
man pairing his fingernails in the
dark; he may know what he is doing
but it is certain that no one else
is aware of the work. Advertising
is becoming science. Millions are
spent each year in this country for
the purposes of presenting the mer-
its Of the thousands of subjects
which bear evidence of the in
ventors' skill and the peoples needs.
The daily paper well proves the
belief in efficiency of publicity be-
cause of the array of announcements
which are spread before the people
ca Il aay-and there is mutual
gain made by the investor-as well
as by the reader Of the publication
| And the fact that the advertisement
of the clothier was refused brings
all this matter before the public
most emphatically. The publisher
was placed in peculiar position
The Lakeland evening telegram. (Lakeland, Fla.) 1911-1922, 1916-01-12
EVIDENTLY LIKES HIS PORK
Boys Eulogy Of the Pig Reads as L
It Had Come From His
Heart.

Teachers in Bury have recently
essays on animals, in view of the
Royal Lancashire agricultural show
which has been held, and the county
is chuckling over the following de-
scription of the pig, which emanates
from a secondary school:
"a dirty, grovelling mass of flesh,
grunting and wallowing in the mud
with which its sty is copiously sup.
piled. That is the subject of my es.
say Who would imagine that useful
articles could be made from that dirty
skin. and that the flesh beneath II
could yield the most delicious flavors
In life the pig is of very little use
and is often the cause Of a great deal
of mischief. But for the pig to die is
to be born again into sphere OF
much greater utility. In life he is
often an object Of contempt; in death
he gains greatly in importance.
In few words | will endeavor to
show how the dead animal can enter
into one day of our life. We rise in
the morning and utilize his bristles tc
brush our hair and our clothes. Fol
breakfast We have crisp. savory
piece of bacon. We take out our wal
let a. school and find that 1t is made
of pigskin. Then the tender porl
chops for dinner send us back to oul
work with an increased capacity fol
study. When We return home, to fine
beautifully-done pork sausages friz
cling in the pan, We are in the sew
enth heaven of delight. But our sleeJ
| is disturbed by a last meal of colo
pork sausages for supper, and as W,
| lie comfortably in our beds we drows
lily murmur. Bacon. sausages, anc
pork chops And the cause of all thi.
| Is the pig London Answers.
The Lakeland evening telegram. (Lakeland, Fla.) 1911-1922, 1916-01-12

been most horribly sick, and that you
found me in measly hall bedroom
why is 1t that lone damsels who are
sick always are discovered in hall bed
rooms-and dragged me here by sheer
force, and have taken care of me till
! got my grip back"
She stopped, not from inclination,
but because the feather duster was
jammed forcibly in her face.
I'VE won't say any more about that"
Dolores laughed I'VE will entertain
our senator uncle. Poor old boy.
Would he mind the davenport much,
Gret? 1t isn't so bad II you double
yourself. you know. How tall Is he?"
Gretchen disregarded the query
The electric bell was buzzing. and she
hurried to the door.
Telegram f-o, uncle" she called
back. Wait for the answer a minute,
boy"
Together the girls read the slip of
yellow paper. Briefly 1t stated the ar
rival of the senator. but that he had
been detained by business engage
ment, and would be late"
mo answer. boy" Gretchen called,
then suddenly she saw the expression
on Dolores face, as she stood holding
the telegram in her hand. why,
what Is 1t, dear?"
Dolores pointed one finger accusing
ly at the name signed to the message,
Allan Esterbrook.
why didn't you tell me his name
before? l can't Stay here, Gret, dear"
Already she began taking off her apron
and kimono. Her face was pale, and
her eyes had filled with tears Don't
ask me. please. please He doesn't
know that | am here, so 1t won't make
any difference. Just say it is all yours,
the apartment, the furniture, every
thing, and I'll run down to my aunt's
until he has gone. Oh, Gret, you dar.
ling, | knew there was some reason
why | liked you best of all the girls
at the Art League"
Mystifed, and very quiet, Gretchen
waited, after her chum had gone. She
had always admired her clean-cut,
clever draughtmanship and sense for
the right form and line She knew.
too, that she was well supplied with
money. Lots of the girls were. Do.
lores had seemed perhaps shade
more dignified and reserved than the
rest, but not to her. Why should she
suddenly run in panic at the sigh,
of that name?
A little past nine o'clock the senator
arrived. Even Dolores would have ap
proved of him. Gretchen felt sure. He
was tall and youthful looking, in spite
of his dark hair just tipped with sill
yer
so this is your girl bachelor quar-
tiers, is it?" he said after he had kissed
his niece. and exchanged greetings. ="
did not know you were so well stu
ated Art is not so bad, after all .
Gretchen smiled but shook her head
The Lakeland evening telegram. (Lakeland, Fla.) 1911-1922, 1916-01-12

The moment a newspans,
advertisement of an uno,'
character that momen.
right to enter the mai,
own peculiar rating ALA
government pass from i
he publisher was unau
poinf--yet had he accent, !
nouncement it meant n.
patronage and the copss,s
ure of the publication
nary circumstances.-p,,S'
Post.
The Lakeland evening telegram. (Lakeland, Fla.) 1911-1922, 1916-01-12

Then her old sense of fairness got the
better of her discretion, and she told
her side Of art life. even down to the
hall bedroom. with the wolf growing
in at the keyhole. as she put 1t. Some
way, 1t seemed easy to tell 1t all, now,
sitting on the low tabourette. with the
senator listening in silence.
We'll change it all now. grille" he
said when she, had finished. Life has
not played very fair or gentle game
with me. I've lost the dearest gift it
gave me. the girl loved"
How did you lose her. Uncle All"
asked Gretchen suddenly
"A telegram came for me while we
were on our honeymoon. 1t simply
read like this. Belle will join you at
Portland
who was BELIEF"
"Ah. that is the question we divided
on" smiled the senator. Dolores"
"Dolores?" exclaimed Gretchen,
flushing happily, and clasping her
hands. 81 thought so. Go on quick.
Uncle AL"
"She would not listen to explana-
tons. and I resented her unreasoning
Jealousy. and assumption that Belle
was an old sweetheart. or anyone l
had not told her Of So we separated,
after one month of married life. and l
have never even heard from her
since"
Gretchen rose from the tabourette.
and started toward the telephone. At
the bookcase she stopped and lifted
from 1t portrait Of Dolores. and had
her reward at the look that swept
over Esterbrook's face when he saw 1t.
Where is she?" he asked. tensely.
but Gretchen rang up. and called a
number without replying.
rs that Mrs. Devereux's? Oh.
thank you. May speak to Dolores.
please. Mrs. Devereux! It's very i'm.
portant."
She turned with happy smile. full
Of mischief. and handed him the re-
ceiver.
There she is" she whispered. Nov
tell her who Belle was, and go and
find her."
So the message went over the wire
to Dolores, standing like a statue at
the other end. her face paled as she
heard the dear tones again Of the man
she loved. and had doubted.
Listen. dear" he said. Gretchen
told me Of you. and the picture did the
rest. l am coming down to get you
Er-wait Belle is still with me. Hell
full name is Nevada Belle, and she
Is the best riding horse l ever had
Do you understand. dear? I'll be al
the square In ten minutes"
He hung up the receiver. and turned
to Gretchen, as she stood wide eyed
and laughing.
"I am going down to bring her home
and you had better make arrange
ments to go west with US next week
, grille. Art Is long, you know, and lift
Is short. and love Is mighty sweet
You may find the right one waiting To-
you right down there in our Texai
land"
Gretchen laughed, as she handed
him his hat and cane.
III do. won't let myself SHOW
jealousy on the honeymoon, Uncle AL
Not till I'm sure it isn't horse O
dog, or a gold NINE"
The Lakeland evening telegram. (Lakeland, Fla.) 1911-1922, 1916-01-12
The a Becketts of Punch,

There is still an a Beckett writing
for Punch My grandfather" writes
Pat a Beckett. the late Gilbert Abbott
Beckett. was one of the founders of
Punch my uncle. Gil Beckett. con.
tributed to Punch until the day of his
death, and my father. the late Arthur
a Beckett was for over % years on the
STAFF Sill NV arrival from India
three nia - my work has ap
peas sou. =. sions, so respect
fuzzy ). s,st that | can claim to be
the third generation of Becketts
writing for Punch.-Iondon Daily
Chronicle
The Lakeland evening telegram. (Lakeland, Fla.) 1911-1922, 1916-01-12

But there isn't rat about the
house! Heavens, man, If"
And he went up the street on the
run, with the German delicatessen
man and many small boys crying
stop thief" behind him. The few
seconds that it took him to unlock the
door ceemed hours. Down the hall
and into the sitting room, and he reel
ed as he noted what was on the read
ing table. A glass of water, a spoon,
a square of paper bearing the label
"ArseIic!"
"She's done it,"
Mr.. Agnew's statistics told him that
at least four residents Of Vine avenue
ought to commit suicide that year, but
It had never occurred to him that his
wife might be one of the number.
With groan that ended in wall he
entered the bedroom. There. on the
bed, was his wife, and clutched in her
fingers was q slip Of paper bearing
the words:
II forgive you! FAREWELL"
A cry-a wail-the doctor!
The medical man said 1t was prob
ably too late, but he would do his best.
II tho patient had taken all the poison
It was an overdose and her life might
be saved. Mr.. Agnew was sent for
emetics and a stomach pump and then
kept busy in the kitchen, and the doc
tor was about to begin serious work
when the woman sat up in bed and
whispered:
rs he out in the kitchen?"
Eyes. Did you take poison!"
"Not q grain
"Well, what sort Of circus do you
call this?"
IL want to scare Stephen"
ooh, see. So the poison is all q
bluff?"
stephen is a good man, doctor, but
he's all taken up with statistics or
something and can't get him out Of
the house Of an evening or enjoy his
company myself. I thought he ought
to have a shock. Help me with It,"
The doctor did. Mr. Agnew came
in from the kitchen with mustard
water and the hot-water bag and salt
| and various other things, and he heard
the stomach pump going and the doc
tor saying to himself that there was
just one chance in a thousand. II
statistics in that case are ever COM
piled, they will show that his tears
| flowed freely
Drawn back from the grave at last.
and the doctor taken his departure,
| ho hue ho nj hA ond
appealed:
Darling, what drove you to do it
what, what?"
"Your neglect"
| "But I-I-"
"You had got to be stick Of stats.
tics. You thought of nothing else.
You handed me mortuary tables from
morning til night, and made me
dream of them as we'll. Why, Steph.
en-, l can tell you how many men in
Ohio will break their necks In the
next twelve months"
"Um! I see. l had to learn the
tables and carry them in my head"
The recovery Of the patient was Sc
rapid that the husband left for the
Office at the usual hour next morning
He was back in a couple of hours
however, to exclaim:
"Now old times shall come back!
'What is 1t, dear?"
'I've changed from life to fire in
surance"
"Yes?"
"All the statistics you have to carry
in fire insurance is that out of 5000
farm barns, 81 will be struck by light
ming between May and October!"
The Lakeland evening telegram. (Lakeland, Fla.) 1911-1922, 1916-01-12
"Father of Modern scre,.

Jesse Ramsden, an English inven.
tor. is credited with being the father
OF the modern screw He began in
1175 to pay especial attention 10 the
making of screws by machinery. and
his invention may be regarded as the
first example of the modern form of
screw-eutting lathe. although 80 years
before there had been made in France
a machine for cutting the thread on
the fusees Of watches, and zoo years
before Jacob BessOai had designed a
rude lathe for cutting wooden se-ews.
The Lakeland evening telegram. (Lakeland, Fla.) 1911-1922, 1916-01-12
Has a Hard Tine.

Someone Is quoted as g. liz said
that OF all the letters IN the lphabet
e. is the most unfortunate. because
IL is alwevs out Of cash, always in
debt, never out o. dany acd in hell
all the time ], Is also the Uo-t FIRE
uuently used letter in the aIg1aoet.
The Lakeland evening telegram. (Lakeland, Fla.) 1911-1922, 1916-01-12
Old Ace

"Old age" said John Rr,.
great naturalist. is not =
bugaboo AFR all. He !.
ways, better to live with 81
because he leaves You m,.'s
ease; you are in the caln..
the fret and fever Of life h,.
abated. Old age brings the y
ical mind; he brings a ds...'
outlook upon life; he brine
erance and charity and po,i
did not sQuander my yo,,.
cesses, and hence l am M
In my old age"
The Lakeland evening telegram. (Lakeland, Fla.) 1911-1922, 1916-01-12
Knew the Meaning, o, II.

pa, what does it mean when a pub
lie man is said TO he az the zenith Of
his popularity?" 1T means, ny son. +"
replied the defeated candidate. rueful-
~, that he is about ready to hit the
tobogsau Diru CHAM Ageilerald
The Lakeland evening telegram. (Lakeland, Fla.) 1911-1922, 1916-01-12
Muddy Missouri River.

The Missouri IS the muddiest river
in the Mississippi valley; it carries
more silt than any other large river
in the United States except possibly
the Rio Grande and the Colorado. For
every square mile of country drained
it carries downstream 81 tons Of dis
solved and suspended matter each
Year
The Lakeland evening telegram. (Lakeland, Fla.) 1911-1922, 1916-01-12
Thackeray's Secret

Trackeray defied all ruiz
wonderful eye saw everuhi
everybody. He lived and
life with an absolutely unimuI
childlike zest. and his brave
tender spirit endured to /
Where other men are conpoir
fine fiavors and delicate
Thackeray was a connoisseu
broadcast and biggest things ii
pathos, its absurdity, its cou
loyalty.