The Parker post., 1916-05-13
HIS DUTIES ARE
DIVERSIFIED
CONSTABLE MUST BE A EIEWER
OF WOOD, A BEARER OF BUR-
DENS, THE SWAB OF TIE
ToWN-EVERYoNE's "NIeGER." :"

DENS, THE SWAB OF THE
ToWN-EVERYoNE's "NIeeER." :"
The constable in rural Arizona if
he would be successful officer, it
seems, must be a "heWar OF wood
and g bearer of Burdens" the swab
Of the town and everybody's niger
as he is so often called upon to per-
fern queer Jobs which are far from
being within the line OF his official
duty and SO freakish in nature that
even Moses did not think of them
when he compiled his blue code.
It not infrequentIy happens too,
that he has to act as arbiter between
individuals on the street to prevent
q breach OF the peace, and decide OF
the spur OF the moment disputes in
volyirg questions Of law, equity and
fact which the courts would take six
months to decide, costing the liti-
gants much money, while the poor
devil of a constable gets a 0, some
times called a goose egg" for his
advice, although his curb-stone opin-
ion might have been equally as
sound and equitable as that of the
courts, even if not couched in the
legal verbiage garnered from the
musty volumes Of Blackstone.
A few days ago, two "Britishers'
strangers in these parts, employed
the owner of an automobile to take
them out over the desert on a busi-
ness trip, the journey involving some
ching like 100 miles When they got
back the strangers baked at the
price charged. The autoist tried to
explain but it was no use, they de-
clared they did not propose to be
held up and robbed by a ''bloomin'
taxi and flatly refused to pay, the
spokesman volunteering the startling
information that he was ''the son of
a British lord, - to which the taxi
replied that he didn't give a damn if
he We're son Of a beach-comber-
he'd have his money or take their
sca.ps, or words to that effect, When
"rough-hOuse" seemed imminent the
Britishers inquired if there was a
marshal in town and they were
referred to Constable Roberts, to
whom they recited their grievance
Roberts told them in effect that it
would be unreasonable for them to
expect the prices charged for auto
travel around Los Angeles, where
they have concrete or macadamized
roads, to prevail in Arizona where
the roads are rough and the wear
and-tear on machines something enor-
nous; that the price charged was
not eXorbitant and they had better
settle with the ''bloomin' taxi and
save their scalps-something the taxi
would have told them had they lis
tened. They took the advice and
paid the bill, saving themselves a bit
Of trouble, but the constable got 2
goose egg" for his pains
Last week, it will be rememb cred,
Roberts was called to arrest a va
grant bear seen in the western sub
urbs Of town, ,but when he got there
he found that the bear was boar,
and as there was promise that the
animal would soon give UP it's va
grant life and contribute literally to
the local pork barrel, it was grant
ed immunity until the day OF reckon
ing. but the officer got no pork,
only another goose egg"
BUT the climax was capped this
week when Roberts found it his
painful lot to have to inflict the
death penalty upon six dogs at the
urgent behest Of as many dog owners.
He did not like the job as it by
rights belongs to the sphere of the
pound man or dog-catcher, but as
Parker has mo such official, he did
not finch performing the task with
neatness and dispatch So insistent
We're the dog owners, says Roberts,
that the execution take place immed-
lately that he at first believed the
dogs were mad but later had reasons
for suspicion that the owners were
mad" from the way they talked,
because of the slump in the dog mar
ket-the supply exceeding the demand
"a condition brought about through
the almost exclusive use of gasoline
power instead OF the dog tread-mill of
the days OF yore for running sausage
machines and the like, so the owners.
following the tactics of the modern
trusts, decided they must keep dogs
0OyUn If tbpU mCJI16 bow or;o - :. -,