Evening journal., 1916-05-11
BILL JONES, OF SANDTOWN, SANITARY
EXPERT. SCOUTS IDEA OF A POLITICAL
CONSPIRACY IN THE SMALLPOX SCARE

so you're a member of the Bord OF
Helth, not bekaws yu want to be. but
bekaws yu have to be TO hold the
uther jobr
lie sez, right peert "Yesi an I'm
doin mi best to help yu straighten out
most distressin' situashun." | ser;
"I need yore help 70 git at the reel vital
point an the underlyin' kaws of all this
trubble. Naksinnatin', fumigatin', sani-
tatin', insineratin', segregatin', isolatm'
an damminatin' is all rite as fur as II
goes. but the thing that's RELY needed
TO lsleer up this yere situashun is SUM
thin that will keep my ole an esteemed
friend. Ike Bowers. from oratin' an
proklamatin' Them's the things as has
bin disseminatin' most Of these we're
germs an giVin' everybody mental
smallpox or N0rryloid. / want yu tO
help me throw an tie Ike Bowers so
he kaint git at the tiperiter or the pen
an ink bottle" He sez: "Bll, ef
that's yore aim, Pm yors. boldly an
sole"
sez: "Ef that's the kase. yeres
resolution I'd like yu 10 offer
an have adoptid at the meetin' of the
Bord of Helth today. III yu will reed
hit karefully yu will ind that, like
Sam IakObses hornit. the reel sting IS
down hi the back gardin' gate. where hit
sez: Resolved. That the Sckreterry Of
the Bord of Helth be ordered an di-
rekted TO make no futher or uther order
in respeckt 10 sed churches. skools, thee
aters, saloons an uther publik phases
than at presint egsists, ecksept upon
the order of the Bord Of Helth.' IF
you'll git that adoptid, Ted, yu an Doc
Frederick an the luther members of the
BOrd of Helth kin 90 to sleep at mite an
no wat the situashun will be when
WI git up next mornin'. IF yu don't
there's no telhn' wut will happin'. be-
caws Ike Bowers is a light sleeper an
nobody haint ever akewsed him of suf-
ferin' fum riter's paralysis" Mister
Hoops sed; "Bill, III du it," An,
Mary Ann, he dun hit an is loOLt upon
today as a publick hero an bennyfakter
Aztec hit had bin dun. I went up to
see Ike Bowers. His tiperitcr wuz drapcu
in black. there vuz black bow on ms
pen staff, the ink in the bottil wliz
black an he had black look on his
fase. / ser; "iiello. lkel" He sez;
"Iiello. Bill!" ! sen; "Howre va feel
in's" He sez; "Bin. wot wuz the name
Of that fcllcr that sed republics is on
gratefuli' I SEES "Ike. ] don't know,
but / think hit wlz Willyum Jennings
Brine-ennyway, no hit wuz a Dimmy-
KRAFT" He sez; "Well hit hain't often
as l kin agree with Dimmykrat. but
that feller sertenly node wot he WIZ
talkin about. He must a-bin Sel<re-
terry Of a Bord of Helth wen he sed IL.
IF the Dimmykrats will make that the
leadin' ishoo in the next nashunel kam-
pane they kin sweep the kuntrv an
part Of Mecksiko." / scr; "Well. we
better keep this veer thought to our
selves. or they mite do hit.7 He sez;
"Yu no. Of korse, Bill. that I'm
speakm' in konfdens to a feller- Repub-
likin. Bill. I've kun to the konklushun
that this we're smallpox outbrake wuz
the result Of politiksl konspirasy. Let
me kali wore attenshun 10 two or three
pints. Where did the disees brake out
Among the kullerd voters. Where did
hit spred' Among the kullerd voters,
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