The Democratic banner. (Mt. Vernon, Ohio) 1898-192?, 1916-06-09
0 YG Democrats! Fling Them
Wide Open
PROFFER Them GENEROUSLY
To One Republican Candidate Who Is
Very Vague in Geography
Assure Him That Russia's
Not Town in Licking
Co.-'Tis a Noble
Deed

The anxiety of one candidate, who
seeks preferment at the hands of the
Republican party this year, to secure
votes has furnished what has been
pronounced the best political story in
years.
This particular individual has push
ed his campaign so hard and has ex-
tended it over so long a period that
he bears the reputation of having ov-
erdone his activity and the latest bit
of gossip that has leaked out about
him conclusively demonstrates this.
Not many moons ago, he slinked
up to another candidate and arranged
his-s-s-t! a secret conference in the
dark hours of the night when mortal
man has long since retired to his
downy bed to rest from the labors of
the day
At the witching hour, the two met
| in mysterious fashion and Candidate
| No. j, with all manner of caution and
admonition of profound and everlast-
ing secrecy, proceeded to unburden in
bated breath the priceless political Sc
cret which had come into his sole,
copyright possession
Tremblingly, Candidate No pre-.
pared to hear the news which, if No.
1 were to be believed, would work
wonders with his campaign and prac-
| tically insure his choice at the August
primaries over other aspirants for
the same office,
After extracting from No. 2 ever
lasting promises of avowed and per-
petual secrecy, No. started to un-
timber the information which his
ears, and his alone, had CLEANED after
they had been held to the ground for
such length of time that they were
numb and itched.
Say" said No. 1, with shifty eyes
darting around to locate a possible
eavesdropper, "l've got wonderful
bit of information and am playing it
strong. You're the only other person
| in the race who knows it and | want
| you TO give me the most solemn
pledge you ever gave anybody in your
life that you will keep absolutely
mum and not let it go past you"
Shiveringly, No. 2 whispered "Yes. y
"Then," said No. l, still attempting
to penetrate the dark with his eyes
for possible intruders, "Ill tell you
had tip from someone the other
day that there's a gang OF thirty la,
borers working down at Homer. They
are only here for a while, but long
enough to vote and they don't give
hang who is elected. 1 sent thirty
of my cards down there the other day
and you'd better get on the job and
do likewise, but NUNS the-what's S
the matter?"
For by this time Candidate No.
was writhing with choked laughter
and seemed in danger of going into q
paroXysm or fit. He could not con
tain himself any more and burst forth
into long, loud peals of mirth which
continued for some minutes.
No. l seemed greatly worried ant
began to wonder if he had an insane
man on his hands. He dashed his
hand through his handsome hair sew
eral times, then grasped his party
friend and started shaking him witt
cries of Tell me, tell me, tell me
what's wrong"
"Wa, wa, wa-ha, ha, ha-a-a-a, wa
wa, wa, why, ha, ha-a-a, Home
Home, Homer-r-r s in-n-nn Lick
ick-icking co-co-county!" No. final
ly got out and then, beside himself
sat down to ease his sufferings, bu
10! on raising his eyes, No. l hat
downtown to some silent spot t.
take stock of himself as a politician
and offer devout prayers that the cor
ference might never reach the ear
of the voting population and his owl
bit of ignorance laid bare before tn
naked gaze of the public eye