Fulton County tribune. (Wauseon, Ohio) 1883-1925, 1916-10-06
FINNEGAN'S PHILOSOPHY
~O~~~
PitiIess Publicity.

Il see Mr.. Hughes wud like to know
fwhat's to come to 'Pitiless Publicity
Meself could tell him. Where's 'Piti-
less Publicity? says Hughes. In the
Ash Can,' says I. Twas all right on
the stump, but in Washin'ton it's
differ. The Harp that wanst through
Trenton'S halls'-I name Tumulty.
Whin he bursts into song now he picks
his chune!
"'Tis not that Prisidint Wilson is
less public than Candydate Wilson
He's less pitiless. 'Tis like the show
man. He tells We all, an more, about
tn illyfant, but he has mintal res'va
shune about the spotted baby.
$50 it is wild Wilson. He's sof'ned
the hard heart iv Pitiless Publicity
How about the Postmasters? axes
the refawrumers Well niver tell ye,'
says the C'mishun. For whyT says
the League. 'T'wid embar'ss tn Ad-
ministhrashun,' says the C'mishun.
And the people laughs. 'Ye fired tn
Hid iv the Cinsus,' says Hughes. 'Ye
lie,' says Redfield. He raysined wild
out bein' axed,' says he. 'Ye lie yer
SELF says Durand. FYe towld me ye'd
fire me, an ye gev me place to a
Politician says Durand. Txac'ly fwhat
l said,' yells Pink Whiskers, L was
goin' to fire ye anyway, but 1 niver
,axed ye to raySine,' says Pinky. An
the people roars.
"'Tell US about all thin Dishurvin'
Dfmmycrats,' says the people. An
Washin'ton is swep' be a storm iv
silence.
But doan't ye think there's no pub
licity at all. Teddy himself was none
gunshy with the papers, but he cud
be quiet, too.
"'We'H grab some land in Vinzu-
eely, says the Ambassydure.
'tem'prily,' says he Yell not says
Teddy, 'ye'll agree to arbitrate,' says
he, or he says, in tin days Dewey'll
be there says Teddy.
ME Ry'le Masther will niver con-
sint, says tn other. Thin says Ted
dy, I'll sind Dewey at wanst. There's
no use waitin',' Teddy says. How'd
EN- says the Ambassydure. We
agree says he,-an' divil bit did we
know how it was for a dozen year.
''We'Il have Ferdy Carey alive, or
the Bashi Bazook dead says Teddy,
an back comes Ferdy. An the papers
says On demand iv the State Depart
ment Ferdy Carey has been released.
An that's all.
'How is it now? The greasers
slaughtered twinty at Sanity Isabel. An.
other Mexican Crisis says the head.
lines, 'Twinty Americans killed. they
says. The Prisidint Calm says they
'Ates Bacon and Eggs. Plays Goluf,
says the headlines. An the paper
goes on:
1.-THE Prisidint's appytite at break
fast was good, tn leader iv the ma
shun gettin' outside iv' grape fruit
bacon an eggs, hot biscuit an coffee
Whfn Docther Grayson announced the
bill iv fare the tinshun over Mexico
was much 'relaved.
""The Prisidint is solvin' in privacy
the fateful question, "Will me throa
last?" The answer is waited wild few
erish anxiety
| "Mondah, the papers says 'Nashun
al Disaster? Sore Throat Feared, Pan
ic at the Capital. The Prisidint Calm
CONSERVATION was spread amonl
all classes today be the report tina
the Prisidint awoke with a sore throat
reach the nearest saloon. There /
talk iv appintin' day iv prayer. !
is hoped that Senor Arre-ye-on-thougl
will claim that the dead American
raysisted iXicushun. A high author't
states that this wud end the crisis
The Prisidint made but wan remark
CAV they'd not been there they'd no
iv been kilt"
"Choosdah, they says, Hope revives
No sore throat. Bitten by insec
Prisidint calm. All Phrases iv Maj
ther to be considered.
"The anxiety in the Capital was r.
layed today be the folloWin' bulletin
1.-The Prisidint has a slight pei
foration in the cuticle over the infery
ure maximary caused by insect bitir
him whin asleep. The patient was to
proud to scratch. (SigneO Grayson.
ut is reported also that Giners
Scott will go to the border to bury th
dead, and apologize to the insurgint'
He will axe Carranzy, whether he WI
accept a loan if offered. This is col
sidered the thrue Sutton iv the diff
Guilty
'Winsdah the Prisidint goes moto
in, Thursdah he writes a note an
Gineral Scott starts for the borde
Fridah the headlines says Peace
, Europe near. Prisidint studyin' term
Will he stop the war? Another not
expected. Capital excited over report
But we're comfOrted be bein' toWl
the Prisidint will not be bethraye
into hasty ackshun.
"Sundah, he's considerin' tn A
menyan question, an Mondah he al
vises Grandmothers about suckil
eggs. And another crisis is past.
$50 it goes ivry day. AS was sa.
in, there's a'plenty publicity, but t