davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Courier Democrat. (Langdon, N.D.) 1891-1920, 1916-04-13
OFFICIAL DIRFc-
EXECUTIVE,

THE EXECUTIVE
President. W. h -
Vice President .Tluo,a,
CABINET OFtIrt
Secretary of State .r.}!-,
Secretary of the Treas .ry..W tiiaa, f.,
Attorney General, .........Jh {
Secretary of War. ........ lii 40,
Postmaster General. ........
Secretary of the NAVY. j
Secretary IF the Interior. .lt
Secretary of Agriculture. - ,u
Secretary of Commerce.. .\,.il"n
Secretary of Labor ....... wi
U. S. SUPREM
Associate Jnstices-Josrrn NN
Wendell Holmes. w Iii an
McKenna, Willis Van Dew ne
ncy, Charles t.vans Hugh,s W. II
UNITED STATE \
A. J. Gronna
T.. j, McCumber .............
CONGRESSMFN.
H. T. Helgeson .......... ..,
George M. Ioung..........
z. u. Norton =.
FEDERAL oFFIc&
Omitted States District judo
United States Marshal. a..
United States Attorney.
Clerk of United States Court. ,
Surveyor General ...........
National Bank Examine
Collector of Custom ........ =
STATE SUPREME cor
Associate Justices A. NJ ca
Burke, E. B Goss, A. y. Rru"'
Clerk of Supreme Court $50.
Reporter. .......
STATE OFFICE
GOVarnOr ...
Lieutenant oyernor....... ..J'
Secretary of State.
State Auditor....."..".. "r' q
State Treasurer. ............ ,,.'
Attorney General........ ......H III
Sup't Public Instruction.....
Commissioner of Insurance
Commissions of Agricnitur" Il w.
Commissioners" f Railroads o.
w. H. Mann, w. H. Stuisln"
DISTRICT co RI
Judge Seventh District. W. Is
Court Stenographer. ..... Lanr" !
STATE SENATOR'S.
Eighteenth District.... IT."
REPRESENTATIVE
Eighteenth District.--.;",.. =. O.
..........J John Balsdnn aud!
COUNTY OFFICERS.
County Auditor.."....,'.'' pu >
County Treasurer.'.. '"I" K
Sheriff 1900. ......... ~
Clerk of the District Court.....C *
States Attorney -,
County
Register of Deeds........ .....J"h;t ~"
Superintendent of Schools. .....fre =
Public Administrator......... N -
County Surveyor. ........ " ,N''th
County Coroner N""
COUNTY COM AIsSIoNER~
First Com'r District........ Mel. NC
Second Com'r District......"....,.Hs'n V
Third Com'r District..... ....'t2 h'',
Fourth Com'r District. .h","I' l
Fifth Com'r District. ............ We ~
CITY OFFICERS.
Mayor siaaysop1nen IL Ward, 4. q. Woid John
Aldermen 2ud Ward. RI Burk., " it 81
Aldermen 3rd Ward. 7. b hankey.J : W
City Auditor v
City Treasurer.
Chief of Police. -
W bic
City Attorney.
City Justice 900. VI
Police Magistrate .............' y "
Courier Democrat. (Langdon, N.D.) 1891-1920, 1916-04-13

The more one judges the less, n
l0ves,-BaIzac.
Courier Democrat. (Langdon, N.D.) 1891-1920, 1916-04-13

LODGEOF PERFECTION LAM
holds regular communications "n
.hird Thursdays of each mouth -
j.. f, TRU X,
ROBERT Work, Sec'y.
Courier Democrat. (Langdon, N.D.) 1891-1920, 1916-04-13

A. f. u A. M.-Lebanon Lodge "ha
communications at the Masonic Trmr'
second and fourth Fridays of each n'''''
WILLIAM FhACK.
VIM. STEVENSON, Secretary
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1916-09-10

Only little over 1000 authors in the whole
U. S. A.. Think Of that Not an army, but
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1916-09-10

really so common that they arouse prac-
tically no comment And the principals
seem to experience no serious alter
effects. The morning after the affair
mentioned above, for instance, both Mr..
Weenix and the young man were up and
about as if nothing had happened. The
Narrburgers are certainly hardy lot.
Whenever Mr.. Weenix is shot, for ex-
ample-and he is shot about once
week on the average-the bullet merely
bounces off the back of his head, inflict
ing no damage beyond raising lump.
Old Grandpa Weenix was kicked by a
mule last Wednesday so hard that he
rose from the ground to height of
about 1000 metres, sailed four miles
due east and landed on the head of an
innocent bystander Yet except for
slight attack of temporary cross-eye, the
old gentleman was absolutely unhurt.
You know those self-repairing, pune
ture-proot tires that conceal magic
fluid that automatically heals all rips,
tears and blowouts? Well, the Narr-
burgers are like that. Whenever one of
them is shot, or kicked, or bayoneted or
sawn in two, or something, he always
arises inside of three minutes COM
pletely repaired, bandageS in place, and
little crosses Of adhesive plaster neatly
distributed where they will do the most
good. No visible agency applies these
frst-aid remedies, but applied they are,
nevertheless.
The Narrburg folks do not spend all
of their time in assault and battery, by
any means. Their real, favorite indoor
sport is repartee. They spend practi-
cally all of their working hours engaged
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1916-09-10
BY TANSY M'NAB

fact. if authors were game birds Indiana
would be one of the poorest hunting sections
in the United States. Even little Maryland
has sixty authors.
OF course, New York leads the states, with
Lap self-acknowledged authors. Massachu-
sets comes second, with a paltry 375, closely
followed by California, with 361. Illinois is
fourth, with 346. The authors thin out in
the middle of the country and begin to in
But in all Alaska the census man discovered
lust one author In over half million square
miles Of territory that lonely scrbbler has no
competition whatever. In the long Arctic
winter he can wake up mornings, thaw out
his fountain pen over the kitchen stove and
sit down to his desk with the happy conscious
ness that whatever he writes will be the best
literature turned out in Alaska. Through
the long Arctic nights he can sleep peacefully
in the knowledge that no jealous contempt
raries are pannng his latest masterpiece. And
greatest of booms-he can spring his clev-
crest things at his neighbors' dinner tables
without worrying lest some rival steal his
stuff and sell it before he can get it on paper
himself His is, indeed, the life.
Passing by an easy transition to Brooklyn,
do not recall that charming borough has ever
figured much as literary centre. Volumes
have not been written about Canarse cults and
the South Brooklyn School and Flatbush Futu-
rism. Brooklyn suggests babies rather than
books, churches rather than literary culture
But the census man found twenty-four more
bona-fde authors in Brooklyn than in Boston.
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1916-09-10

and his men friends 90 in for cruel and
unusual waistcoats and white spats. But
their manner Of wearing their clothes IS
shockingly careless, and they prefer to
go about in their shirt sleeves In
word, they seem to lack the savoir faire
that distinguishes the Men Who Know.
Mrs. Weenix, too, is rather dowdy. Her
figure, at best, would be hard one to
Justify, and she apparently makes little
effort to improve on natures rather
amateuriSh handiwork. Again, it is
Mary and her chums who shine They
are always the first by whom the new is
tried, as we'll as the last-oh you re-
member the quotation.
There is another member Of the Wee
nix family, little Wilfred WeeniX. This
is their youngest child, and the peculiar
thing about him is that he never seems
to grow up. ! have seen him at least
once a week for the past eleven years,
and during that time he has remained
consistently about eighteen months old.
Not only that, but he has never cut but
one tooth. can't understand it. Surely
our vaunted civilization has reached a
pretty pass when pitiful case of ar
rested development like this is allowed
to remain in our midst, as it were, UNI
noticed, without our health authorities
raising so much as finger. They might
at least put him in some institution
where the poor child could be taught to
say something beside "baw.'
The case of Willie Gumble, although
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1916-09-10

in conversations whose sole object !. !,
enable them to get off some clever ~
thing of their own. It is in the co.'
of these talks that we recognize th..
the deep and omnivorous leaders ~
they are. For the bright SAYING,
frequently quoted from some foroo,,
volume of Ezra Kendall, Punch Az
mas Ward, Mark Twain, or. on .
other hand, Life"
When the nub of the dialogue !,
been reached, and the hero of the A..
sion has managed to get off his brS
saying, his listener invariably falls ~
backward. Usually, too, the listens,
smoking cigar, and the ash falls "A ;.
the same moment. Failing over h,.
ward, among the Narrburgers seen,s
take the place of saying Eyes. | has,
that one ten years ago" with us
doesn't really signify anything. FaM,,
to them is merely an exaggerated fo,,
of gesture, a manifestation of s,,r,l,.
emotion.
For they are All emotional peonL
They take everything hard. They Do,
spire freely under the slightest str,;,
whether it be waiting to hear some oDs,
bright remark or trying to horn in vii,
one of their own. When they are fright
ened their hats rise straight off then
heads and-marvel of marvels-setL
exactly into place again. When they an
puzzled they puzzle so hard that You ca,
actually see a little aura of questr
marks and exclamation points foathr
about their heads.
In fact, visions Of all sorts seem tob
a hobby with them. When Mrs Weenr
for example, announces to her huSbar;
that she has just ordered five thouar:
dollars worth of furs and three milir
dollars worth of millinery, Mr.. Weenn
always sees a bag of money, winga
flying away right before his eyes, see
it so distinctly, indeed, that you see l.
too. Life, to him, may be hard, but il
certainly vivid.
Yes, the Weenix family and Their
neighbors interest me. Nor is that in.
terest dimmed by the fact that thus fg
have met them only in the comic SCI.
tions of the evening and Sunday papers
Some day-who knows? ] may NEE.
one of them in real life.
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1916-09-10

a mere regiment II would almost seem that
there must be more than that hanging about
Gramercy Park.
Obviously the fears of my friend the edi-
tor were not justified. strike among au-
thors would amount to nothing at all. NJ
mericay the authors are virtually negligible
As factor in our national life they are about
on a par with public garbage men (of whom
there are 4,227) cemetery keepers 1892 and
manicurists (5,265). OF course, I am still
speaking numerically.
There are lots of other startling facts about
authors to be CLEANED from the census re-
ports. In the author column are 2,059 women.
not nine tenths of the total, as my friend the
editor declared, but less than half. Also, there
are exactly 100 authors who confess to being
under twenty years old. In this group the
gentler sex predominates
The census reports knock galley west the
conventional literary map of the United
States. They smash once and for all the great
Indiana fallacy. 1t is popularity supposed
that authors are so numerous in the Hoosier
State that the clatter of the typewriters keeps
the farmers awake at night. Perhaps the
Indiana writer's are too modest to acknowl-
edge their high calling. Possibly they had
migrated to Bagdad on the Hudson before
1910. Whatever the reason, the census man
could find only sxty-three of them, mere
corporals guard, in the whole state. He dis
covered exactly the same number in Colorado
and sxty-nine in the State Of Washington.
Indiana authors, indeed! There are almost
as many Of them living in The Bronx. In
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1916-09-10
SWEEPINGS FROM INKPOT ALLEY

the self-acknowledged hub of the literary uni
verse. Let Mother Transcript put that in her
pipe and smoke it. The borough across the
bridge incidentally harbors twice as many
authors as Ben Franklins old town on the
Schuylkill.
AS for indianapolis, supposed to be the CEN
ire of veritable maelstrom of literary prod
uctivity, there are only sixteen authors in the
town, while we have twenty-five tucked away
in the Borough of Queens Newark has three
times many authors as Pittsburgh. The
whole City of New York contains 1867 authors,
or about q per cent of the total number in the
United States. Chicago has 248 or about as
many as The Bronx, Brooklyn, Queens and
Richmond together.
of course, there are lots Of Illuminating
statistics about authors not to be obtained in
the census reports. We have computed with
meticuous care few Of these Some of them
that are fit to print are as follows:
Authors in U. S.................. 1868
Authors in IT, S. who write unrhymed
verse Observation-Disclosures. 3S,26l
Authors in L. s. who have written war
books Observation-Disclosures. 56,9Sl
Authors in U. S. who own fiivvers. go. l0l 1896
Authors who hope to quit and land real
. . .
Authors whose stuff is too good to be &C
cepted OBSERVATION-DISCLOSURES. 50,362
Authors whose stuff is too poor to land 50,362
Authors in U. S. who read other Amer
lean authors. Observation-Disclosures. 3
Authors who are raising their boys to
be authors Observation-Disclosures. O
AS one thinks the matter over one need
not be astonished that there are four editors
to every author. There are bound to be more
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1916-09-10

ERoM the very beginning the Wee
i nix family interested me. They
were so utterly different from
most of the people know. tound my
self unable to tell what they were gong
N saw or do next. That in itself was
intriguing, for it's comparatively easy
70 anticipate the average persons reac-
tons. Then began to study not only
the Weenixes. but their nelghbors.
Among them, too, found the same dl-
versitv. the same remarkable dlgres-
sions from the average.
Finally | decided to make carelui
and exhaustive inquiry into the llfe' hao-
IFS and customs of the entire suburb oil
Narrburg, where live the WeenlXeS ana
their friends. in order that the 1acCS
about this extraordinary community
might once and for all be placed upon
record. After several hours OF PAINS
taking research | am ready to make pub
lie the results of my Investigations.
First. as to looks. In this respect the
inhabitants of Narrburg rather run TO
extremes. They are either tall and lanK
or short and fat. Either they have noses
nine inches long or they have no noses at
all Mr.. Weenix himself is about feet
4 inches in height, weighs 236 pounds,
rinpside, and is cross-eyed. Mrs. Wee
nix. on the other hand, is feet tall,
weighs practically nothing, and is cross
eyed. Cross-eye, among Narrburgers, is
such a common ailment that it might IN
Justice be considered a normal state.
About the only members of the COM
munity who are not cross-eyed are Mary
Weenix and her chum, Freda Blevitch.
These are young girls, just past the flap
per stage, and ravishingly beautiful--at
least when seen in profile. What they
look like head-on l don't know, for
they're careful never to give me any
thing but side view.
Sartorially the Narrburgers are dis
tinctly reactionary True, Mr.. WeeniX
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1916-09-10

lent demonstrations among the authors led me
TO wonder how many of them were to demon
strate. Of course, the organized authors could
make short work of the editors. There must
be an army of them. In Greenwich Village
they were packed together like aesthetic sar-
dimes. In Boston they fourished like the leaves
of green bay tree. Indiana was, in man
ner of speaking, alive with them. Along the
Connecticut shore they were as thick as holes
in a Swiss cheese. But how many were there?
The United States census reports of 1910,
are voluminous and imposing. They are no
more difficult to read than railroad time tables
and much easier than an imagst poet, but
there are distractions.
started to find out about authors, but
opened at bartenders, TO discover that there
were over 100000 Of these excellent public
servants in the United States. My eye next
lighted on chambermajds. These number 10000,
of whom, curiously enough, exactly 1877 are
Of the male sex. By the way Of these and
other fascinating digrcssions, | at last came
to the literary professions
The director of the census in his wisdom
had decreed that the literary professions shall
include the following: Authors, editors, jour
nalsts, librarians librarians assistants, report
ers, other literary persons. All told the lit
erary professions employ only about half as
many persons as are listed under bartenders.
But the startling thing is that the authors do
not outnumber the editors at all. In fact, for
every author there are four editors Here are
the figures:
Authors ......... 1883
Editors ........l7,337
Only little over 1000 authors in the whole
u. S. A. Think Of that! Not an army, but
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1916-09-10

n HY FRIEND the editor has been grow
Nh ing more and more concerned over
the referendum to be taken in few
weeks in the Authors League on joining the
American Federation Of Labor. He has
visions of a future Of strikes and sabotage
("theyn do thing unspeakable things, to
fountain pens and typewriters,' he predicts),
Of great demonstrations, Of thousands Of
authors parading up Fifth Avenue, terrible as
an army with banners, banners bearing legends
such AS Minimum Rate of Eight Cents a
Word" down with the Happy Ending" and
Gree Lunches with Editors"
"Nine times out of ten," he remarked yes
terday, "a strike is brought about by few
hothead agitators. Workingmen are naturally
conservative. They don't want to strike But
au'hors Every author is a natural born hot
head and agitator Every manuscript we turn
down will come back at US with the threat of
a strickland in our shop we have TO send
back about 500 typewriter ruins week. An
editor won't even be life insurance risk.
Think Of the mobs Of them pouring in AMI
tearing up the shop. Daily mobs."
He waved his hand toward newsstand.
eve were in the subway
Look at 'eml' he shouted. Hundreds of
different magazines. Tons Of 'em. Fifteen
authors appearing in each. At least $50 turned
down for every one that got in. You can
see how they outnumber us and the proportion
Of diasatisfsction among EN-. And II they
took 70 using force almost any author could
lick an editor. They have much more time
70 keep in trim, play tennis, golf, etc"
"Of course, half Of them are women" sug-
gcsted soothingIy.
Nearer nine-tenths, and deadlier than the
males" he retorted. lie reached his station
and got out, muttcring in a pcssimstc tone:
"Hatpins Finger nailsl"
His insistence upon the possibilities Of vio-
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1916-09-10

editors. Even the editors who first discovers
o. Henry outnumber the authors.
There is one thing about the statistics
the Literary Professions in the census rep'fa
that has puzzled me. That is the division
other literary persons, who are neither q
thors nor editors nor journalists nor reporter
nor librarians. There are 1882 other li;ersq
persons. | worried a great deal trying
discover the identity of these unclassihed mo-
luscs of the literary sea. Finally put tis'
up to my friend the editor. He SAID nP
were probably his ancient chums. Old w
scriber and Pro Bono, and probably they az
included members of the Authors Club
MR.. DRESSER AND THE CENSOR
If the Society for the Suppression Of v"
succeeds in suppreSsing Theodore Dresser y
posthumous reputation is assured. Books w.
are considered worth suppressing IN one 81
GRAFTON are considered worth reading y
next But that will not console Mr. Dles''
who doesn't see why the censor should pal"''
larly pick on him. His point that If ne W.
g foreign author in translation he wou"
unmolested is well taken. During Ws
few years our market has beer flooded W.
TRANSACTIONS of contemporary Russians Y"
mans, Frenchmen and Italians. beside D'''
of whom Mr.. Dresser is an innocent wv
thing. The censor, however, rarely 00"
his head about a foreign author. Perh"P'
forgives the poor fellow who has grow
in an unregenerate land that does not '0'''
private vice societies.
IF my name were Dresershefsy ana
in Warsaw" aments Mr.. Dresser. MANY
sons who have struggled through INC :.
wilderness of his syntax and emerged - ;,
end of 500 pages mentally footsore anc "
corns on the brain Tor should one say .,
bruises?) will echo this lament
Dresser were Russian his books WV
translated into English.
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1916-09-10

somewhat similar, is more easily under
standable. This lads parents, when |
first saw him, were comparatively
young. His mother, in particular, was
what newspaper person would call
pippin. That was thirteen years ago,
and she still keeps him dressed in ride
ulous sort of Russian blouse suit that
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1916-09-10
Here Are the Roushest and Withest
Peoble ON Earth They Thrice on As
sQuH and Battery and Snabby Side
yQlk Conversation The Strange
Case of Little Wilfred Wee
mix, Who Has Been Eigh-
teen Months old for
Eleveu Years.
Bv DEEMS TAYLOR

their personal habits, that the Weenixes
and their friends are unique. They are
probably the most violent people on
earth. Somehow they are always knock
ing one another about. Why, | have
known Mr.. Weenix to attack Mary's
gentleman friend with an axe simply
because he stayed after eleven. But the
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1916-09-10

Young fellow countered cleverly by hit
ting Mr.. Weenix over the head with a
sledge hammer that he had providen-
tally brought along in his hip pocket
However, such little differences are
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1916-09-10

makes him look about five years old, al
though the lad must be practically a
voter by now. The object of this sub
terfuge is, however, obvious.
But it is in their mode of living, in
The Lakeland evening telegram. (Lakeland, Fla.) 1911-1922, 1916-04-01
The M. and M. Club
Surprise Mrs. Shane

'..>...>.o y. ~. auu
Snane ..easaul sui plise yesterday
Afternoon, Wnen ABOUT elsnteeu
members and VISITORS walked IN on
ner unannounced.
They resorted to ruse to keep
Mrs. Shane, who was intending to
meet the 3 o'clock train, at home.
Mrs. Bechtel went there at 2 o'clock,
Mr.. Bechtel promising to come for
them at $50. The ladies, who had
gathered at Mrs. Hinckley's,
marched in on her at 2:45 and a
very pleasant afternoon was spent in
chatting and fancy work. Delicious
refreshments consisting of orange
and cherry cocktail and two kinds of
cake, also chocolate fudge, were
served by Mesdames Keen and
Hinckley, hostesses of the afternoon.
Those present were Mesdames Cor
nelson, Duggan, Sadler, Goodyear.
Wider, Register Bowen, Perkins,
Keen, Shane, McMullen, Briar, Fowl
er. Hinckley, Miss Williams, and
the guests, Mesdames Bechtel, fuller
and Atwell A GUEST.
The Lakeland evening telegram. (Lakeland, Fla.) 1911-1922, 1916-04-01
SPECIAL NOTICE TO W. o. W.

All members of Lakeland Camp No.
rs. w. o. w. are urgently requested
to meet at their hall. not later than
1870 p. m. tomorrow, Sunday, April
End, for the purpose of attending. en-
mass, the unwilling ceremonies Of the
monument of Sovereign o. V. Haynes.
The Tampa Camp will be here, as
Sovereign Haynes was also mem
Der there.
Invitations have been sent to a
great many Camps, and large atten-
dance is anticipated.
1t is the duty Of every member OF
Lakeland Camp to be present. not on
ly to pay q last tribute to the men,
ory Of our departed brother. but to
welcome those who come to join us.
in these solemn rites, and thus keep
our Camp and Lakeland up to the
splendid position they have attained.
w. B. MARCUM. Clerk.
The Lakeland evening telegram. (Lakeland, Fla.) 1911-1922, 1916-04-01
EAST LAKELAND NEWS

The friends of Mrs. Laura Paresh
will be glad to learn of her recovery
of few days illness.
The friends of little Miss Gladys
Shelly will be very sorry to learn of
her illness at her home on East Nor
gan street.
Mrs. Molly Mercer spent pleas
ant visit to Mrs. G. r. Randalls
yesterday.
Friends of Mr.. Claud Rogers will
be very glad to learn of his return
to Lakeland from fve-months' stay
at Fort Myers. Mr.. Rogers has been
study-working at Fort Myers. He
spent yesterday and last night at
Mr. F. A. Roberts. He will spend
while with Mr.. d. E. Roberts be-
fore returning to his work.
REPORTER