davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Oklahoma City times. [volume] (Oklahoma City, Okla.) 1908-1984, 1916-12-27
OVERHAULING THE C. o. P.

THAT was big meeting which republicans held in New
York few evenings ago-big by virtue of the mum
ber of leaders who attended and not big by of hay
ing a large attendance Of the rank and file
The leaders agreed that the party needed overhauing
Mr. Charles D. Hills read long article the needs
Of the republican party Very likely the article
thoritave since Mr. Hills chairman OF the republi-
national committee in 1912 when that party succeeded
In annexrg eight electoral votes
The principal problem which confronted the conference
was to find a chairman of the national committee All
present agreed that needed probably for the reason
that they had received official Of the recent national
election So il any republican patro, thinks he can lead
the hosts to victory next time there's line job waiting
for him.
The Oklahoma City times. [volume] (Oklahoma City, Okla.) 1908-1984, 1916-12-27
ANOTHER HOTEL COMFORT" "

ONE of the big New York hotels has opened very
magnificent smoking room for women responding
to modern demand" the announcement reads Elabor
ate decorations by artists have caused the new place
be thing of beauty
The manager OF the hotel stated that he added this hotel
Comfort since formerly women who wished to purchase
cigares forced to depend upon walters Now they
can make their purchases in person
An account of the opening of the new smoking room
stated that the amount Of sales made to sur
prsng"
The Oklahoma City times. [volume] (Oklahoma City, Okla.) 1908-1984, 1916-12-27

Luke McLuke Says.
Every town has lot OF houses and a
lot of girls that look as though they
needed repainting.
You may have noticed that the lad
who likes to whine about what an
ornery world this is always sticks
around as long as he can, and the lad
who knocks his home town never
moves out of it,
Il is none OF our business But it al
ways sounds funny to hear married
man singing about the Land of the
Free.
A wife shouldn't get mad when her
husband accuses her OF having married
him for his money She should regard
the statement as a tribute to her good
sense
The difference between the tight
skirts they wore last winter and tho
loose skirts they are wearing this
winter is tina. this winter girl doesn't
have to walk like she was wading
No man ever got very far by follow
ing the advice he gave others. Nor
did the others.
Another reason why I've have so
many divorces is because couples take
each other for Better or Worse instead
OF for Good
II Beauty Sleep improves looks, we
know some women who need one that
will last about as long as Rip Van
Wrinkles nap.
Some OF us can't stand prosperity
But most Of us never get chance to
discover whether We can or not.
Money talks But even Money can't
get the last word away from a woman,
You imagine that YOU are a Wise
Fish But some day you are going to
run across bait that will fool YOU.
This would be Some World il we
were only half as good as we expec,
others TO be.
We always believed that Nature
knew her business II it is a sin 10
take drink OF beer on SUNDAY. why
IS your rnirSt on the job on Sunday
just like II is on week day.
Don't holler because your prayer,
are not always answered BE thank
ful that the prayers OF your enemies
also go unheeded
A woman makes up her mind and
then changes II because she doesn''
like the looks Of il.
The Oklahoma City times. [volume] (Oklahoma City, Okla.) 1908-1984, 1916-12-27
LETTING THE WOMEN VOTE.

EROM letters received by the Times from member, of
the legislature the womans suffrage resolution to be
offered at the next session have practically unan
nous support But II the women wish to assure the pas
sage OF the resolution they will do wen to he on hand
when the vote is taken POSTCARD votes are often Ike
.straw votes
vote before the legislature meets passes resolution
but the men who record iavorng equal suffrage
will he present in the legislative hall when the resolution
comes to vote the women will get what they want
However some OF the members have not yet indicated
that they viii favor the resolution Are they waiting for
the to make aiidavs that they will never be can
ddacs for public office which the men feel able TO flip
The Oklahoma City times. [volume] (Oklahoma City, Okla.) 1908-1984, 1916-12-27
DEATH AND THE PROCRASTINATOR.

ONCE upon time, as all good stories start a man high
IN business affairs was Offered the opportunity TO
purchase life insurance policy, which every conservative
man views necessity This man who had risen from
lowy position head great institution was in receipt
of very considerable salary He spen, money literally
on his family; they enjoyed life and the head of the
family man in his prime had little to worry about
Life insurance agents called on him lie treated them
courteousy he replied TO their letters and advised that
he would give their offers due consideration He was
formal and he delayed signing the application,
lhcn-he died, without life insurance; although his
salary of such magnitude that he could have carried
heavy insurance
At his DEATH did the corporation continue his salary;
Why of course not The corporation paid him literally
while he worked and the board of directors assumed that
man who paid big salary would protect his family
with strong life insurance policies.
The family left with abundance of fine furni-
ture but nothing else
Are you, Mr.. Head Of Family living up your salary
in making your family comfortable and proorastinating
IN the purchase OF lc insurance pocy2 Are you leaving
your family unprotected While you are receiving sal
ay there is no danger But suppose death stops the salary
True there is the almhouse Are you thinking of that
The Oklahoma City times. [volume] (Oklahoma City, Okla.) 1908-1984, 1916-12-27

In NEKTYPH
Prom zne TlAHs rlLEy

Twenty Ysars Ago.
Mrs. ], II. Wheeler departed today
for Toledo. Ohio, where she will visit
relatives 1.
J. L. Brown. T. F. McMechan. Har-
din Ebcy. Marshal Ryan and w. r.
Harm went to Tccumseh today.
Mrs. John Beatty departed today for
a visit to CAney. Kan.
w. s. Holloway returned to Dallas
this evening
Fifteen YeaIs Ago.
Miss Kate Hamilton of Shawnee Is
visiting DR.. and Mrs, J. G. Street
J. R Cottingham, the legal advise.
OF the Santa Fe at Guthrie, was in town
today.
Hall p. Street of Lawton Is III al the
home OF his parents with yellow jaun-
dice.
{. M Rarde and wife and Miss Ma.
rian Gaines spent Christmas at Guth-
rie.
John Haley left last night for Kan.
sas City.
Ten Years Ago.
Roy Fincrty and Raymond Thorns
who are attending the University oi
Michigan this winter. are home for tho
holidays.
Henry Stone Hugh McCredie and
Robert Everest are up from the univer-
Sity for the holidays
| The Patterson and Hoffman Cigar
company are installing another wall
case in their large and commodious
cigar and billiard parlor
Miss Bess Mills and Miss Jctt Mills
OF Texarkana are the guests OF their
sister Mrs Joseph Huckins, jr.
Mr. Mont Sutton is home from St.
Johns Military school spending the
holidays with his parents Mr.. and Mrs.
Fred Sutton.
The Oklahoma City times. [volume] (Oklahoma City, Okla.) 1908-1984, 1916-12-27
Mean Brute!

1T is funny that the Turks are not
better fighters than they are" said Mr..
Gabb, as he looked up from his news
paper
How is it2" asked Mrs. Gabb.
why, the average Turk has four or
five wives and any man with five wives
ought to know all about fighting" re-
piled Mr.. Gahb.
The Oklahoma City times. [volume] (Oklahoma City, Okla.) 1908-1984, 1916-12-27
RIPpLINoRHYN8s
BYNNitMaSon
THEY SAY.
CCDlIYGht 1910

THEH say that Smithman spend
his life in dodglng bills he ought
to pay They say that Biffkin
beats his wife, and feeds his children
bran and hay They say that ink the
dry goods prince, burned down his store,
with fell intent They say that Jasper
Julius Ounce held up an orphan for
cent. Thus Rumor, with is evil ton
que, goes drifting through the busy
mart, and baseless, vicious tales are
sprung, which wreck your fame and
break your heart The busy scandal.
monger cries. "Oi course the yarn
may not be true, but still they say that
Reuben Wise steals chickens every
night or two" Then Reuben in his ma
tive town. becomes summed and lonely
man; They Say has ruined his re.
nown, and made him outcast from his
clan. The scandal-mongcr drifts along.
and makes his old accustomed noise
They say Jane Juice is going wrong
she's much too friendly with the boys"
Then Jane from social scenes is missed
in every glance she finds a freeze !.
They Say" has barred her from bridge
whist, and banned her from the Purple
Teas Old Boozc has scattered woe and
sin, and broken hearts. along his way
but he plays second violin, often think
beside They Say
The Oklahoma City times. [volume] (Oklahoma City, Okla.) 1908-1984, 1916-12-27
Haw, Hawl

you don't remember me, do youi"
asked the fat man, as he extended his
hand
Why, can't recall your name, but
your face is very familiar" stalled the
thin man
"It ought 10 be-" replied the fat man
My name is A. Clock"
The Oklahoma City times. [volume] (Oklahoma City, Okla.) 1908-1984, 1916-12-27
Strange.

To win her hand think I'll try.
And for her love | viii bcseech.
She Is tho apple OF my eye,
And yet | know that she's peach.
The Oklahoma City times. [volume] (Oklahoma City, Okla.) 1908-1984, 1916-12-27
The Wise Fool.

1.-TWO heads are better than one" OBJ
served the Sage,
"Yes," agreed the Fool, especially
when YOU are matching coins and the
other fellow gueSses tails"
The Oklahoma City times. [volume] (Oklahoma City, Okla.) 1908-1984, 1916-12-27

Here is new Mark Twain story
that sounds as If it actually might have
happened.
1t dates back to the period when
Mark was living in Hartford, on the
next block from Harriet Bcecher Stowe
and her husband, Professor Stowe.
One cold and blus'ry winter morn.
ing, after an unusually heavy Snow-
storm, neighbor. meeting Mark on
the street, slowly plowing his way
through the drifts, with a corncob pipe
in his mouth and snowshovel over
his shoulder, asked him where he was
bound
"Oh. just around the block-an ere
rand Of mercy" drawled Mark, remov.
ing the pipe from between his teeth and
pointing over his shoulder with the
stem Of it, "Mfs Stowe has just teie-
phoned me that Professor Stowe is un.
der the weather this morning, and I'm
on my way around there to shovel him
out
The Oklahoma City times. [volume] (Oklahoma City, Okla.) 1908-1984, 1916-12-27
Yes. But Whaddy Va Mean

Eight head of horses sold from SIPS
to $l67 and coming yearling" colt
brought from IS cents TO Sl+0 per
bushel--Madlson 0nd) Herald.
The Oklahoma City times. [volume] (Oklahoma City, Okla.) 1908-1984, 1916-12-27
What's the Matter With Woodrow

He's back In power. as you can see,
His foes say he's too proud to fight,
But even they will all agree
That Woodrow Wilson IN all write
The Oklahoma City times. [volume] (Oklahoma City, Okla.) 1908-1984, 1916-12-27

Reports made by local express agents show that liquor
shipments to Oklahoma City decreasing Which proves
that retailing the stuff is the decline and that mbbng
proceeds only in carefully regulated social circles
The Oklahoma City times. [volume] (Oklahoma City, Okla.) 1908-1984, 1916-12-27
You Don't Seighl

You Don't Seighl
Said the clerk; AN these goods I mus,
weigh;
II win keep me quite busy all deigh.
| don't Ike TO kick.
Hut tho Job makes mo sick,
My lie is all work and no rlcigh."
Luke McIuke
And then. with an ominous cough.
lie said TO the boss. Il am oughl
I'm 80 tired every night
That I've no appetight;
So this job, ! now tell YOU ] scough."
Newark Advocate
The Oklahoma City times. [volume] (Oklahoma City, Okla.) 1908-1984, 1916-12-27
Quick, Bowl

Shoe up a couple of cuspidors.'
Chuc and Joe Sp,z of New York City
have joined the Club.
The Oklahoma City times. [volume] (Oklahoma City, Okla.) 1908-1984, 1916-12-27
Huh |

Great Brita!n's arrogance we hate,
Her agents do Just as they please;
They rifle mails and liko to prate
That she's the mistress OF the seize
The Oklahoma City times. [volume] (Oklahoma City, Okla.) 1908-1984, 1916-12-27
'C6K1M:C0K9
coDyfiSht19N
Weak.

The weaker sex do not provoke.
They're not so weak" said Dan:
And while they cannot crack Joke,
They sure can break "A man"
The Oklahoma City times. [volume] (Oklahoma City, Okla.) 1908-1984, 1916-12-27
Moore Butter.

Wilmoth Moore and Z. s. Butte
were married at Nashville, Tenn, las
week.
The Oklahoma City times. [volume] (Oklahoma City, Okla.) 1908-1984, 1916-12-27
Thank

Dear Luke When in Osgood, Ind,
stop at the Damn bakery and eat lunch
with Carrie Beer and Eta Crane,-J,
II. B.
The Oklahoma City times. [volume] (Oklahoma City, Okla.) 1908-1984, 1916-12-27

If Scnor Cartanza doesn't display more friendly ai-
tude he will not be invited to Washington ride in the
inaugural parade
The Oklahoma City times. [volume] (Oklahoma City, Okla.) 1908-1984, 1916-12-27
Ooofl

A musical Chink named Sing Ling.
Was convicted OF stealing ring.
|, seemed very queer
To tho convicts to hear
Ling sing sing song songs at Sing sins
Quill
The Oklahoma City times. [volume] (Oklahoma City, Okla.) 1908-1984, 1916-12-27

Robbers at Jasper Mo-, chose the wrong safe
when they attempted to loot bank Next time they
gage in such pastme they should call TO their aid OF
those expert. who roaming the Usage hills TO
escape the sheriff.
The Oklahoma City times. [volume] (Oklahoma City, Okla.) 1908-1984, 1916-12-27

Many families much like oongress-they will find it
necessary to pass few appropriation at this
season.
The Oklahoma City times. [volume] (Oklahoma City, Okla.) 1908-1984, 1916-12-27

Regular Rates.
effective Ian. I, 1910
BY MAIL
BY Mail. One year. 800
nv Man. Ono year with
THE NDAY
OKLAHoMAN .....t75o
Fly carrier outside NJ Oh
iahoma CITY md interutban
towns . cents n copy or 10
cents per week.
IN OKLAHOMA CITY.
OKLAHOMA CITY TIMrS
fcvcnlng) and DAILY OK
LAHOMAN mornIng). n
papers n week. delivered hv
carrier In oklahoma CITY
and vicinity. per week. 20
cents.
The Oklahoma City times. [volume] (Oklahoma City, Okla.) 1908-1984, 1916-12-27

Ephriam got into trouble in Waco
county and bca, the sheriff over the line
by three jumps He migrated to a dis
tant part OF the state, and, seeking a
livelihood, turned to preaching. He
prospered in the new community, which
knew nothing of his past in Waco. Then
one night at camp meeting Ephraim
looked from the platform into the eyes
OF a man on front row. The new ar
rival was not stranger. He was from
Waco county. Eph aim led through the
singing and then the time FOR prcashing
came He mopped his brow and began
"Bredren, All was goin' to preach di,
evenin' on a tex out .er lie or Tesla
ment Bu, its done put in NAH min TO
change. An dis is te tex now from Ro-
mans"--he pointed at the stranger with
meaning finger--"Ef yo know me,
doan' say nothin' ar Ah'll see you aft
erwardw
The Oklahoma City times. [volume] (Oklahoma City, Okla.) 1908-1984, 1916-12-27
SUBSCRIPTION RATES.

Christmas parsaln fhhs.,
tNot good after Dec 'i'
1850
Ry MAIL.
Rv Man. one year r,..'s ,n
nv Mail. Two wears -. Wv
TIMES md SUNDAY
OKLAHOMAN, Cev-
en- days. one year by ar
mail ........-......,..r Wv
TIMES and SUNDAY
OXLNUOMAN, tsev-
en- doyD, Two years "a,
by mail ....,.,...''. -, o'''
IN OKLAHOMA CITY
OKLAHOMA CITY TlMrS
(eycning) and DAILY On
LAHOMAN morning., ~
papers a week. dellveren ny
carrier, both for one year,
s795. only accepted when
PAYABLE I'm advance ana pc
fore Jan. I. 1917.
The Oklahoma City times. [volume] (Oklahoma City, Okla.) 1908-1984, 1916-12-27
Our Daily Birthday Party.

Duke OF Norfolk, the premier DukS
Of England and one Of the great leadesS
of the Catholic laity, born at Carlton
Terrace, London, 90 years ago today.
William D. Lightall, noted publicist.
and founder of the Union Of Canadian
Municipalities, born 50 years ago today.
The Oklahoma City times. [volume] (Oklahoma City, Okla.) 1908-1984, 1916-12-27

land. But what we started to say was
that Fox Tarrier lives in Mason coun-
ty, Kentucky.
The Oklahoma City times. [volume] (Oklahoma City, Okla.) 1908-1984, 1916-12-27

Oliver NJ Gum, New Albany, and
Louisa NJ. Getter.-Louisville mar
rage license.
The Oklahoma City times. [volume] (Oklahoma City, Okla.) 1908-1984, 1916-12-27

Dear Luke Your column gives me
pain But the pain comes from loud
and long laughter daily.--Webb Lee
Muskogee, Okla.
The Oklahoma City times. [volume] (Oklahoma City, Okla.) 1908-1984, 1916-12-27
Things 10 Worry Abo
Names Is Names.

There were only j54 days in the year
1852
The Oklahoma City times. [volume] (Oklahoma City, Okla.) 1908-1984, 1916-12-27
Our Daily Special
Luke McLuke SAYS.

Even II You Do Know 1t ALL Keep
II To Yourself.
The Oklahoma City times. [volume] (Oklahoma City, Okla.) 1908-1984, 1916-12-27
)l, I

C. Carr lives at Flemingsburg, Ky
The Oklahoma City times. [volume] (Oklahoma City, Okla.) 1908-1984, 1916-12-27

Some people like toy poodleS, some
like Airedales and some prefer big
dog like a ST. Bernard or Ncwfound.
The Oklahoma City times. [volume] (Oklahoma City, Okla.) 1908-1984, 1916-12-27

The stupendous figures just announced as representing
our foreign trade indicates that must be shipping
out eggs. N#
The Oklahoma City times. [volume] (Oklahoma City, Okla.) 1908-1984, 1916-12-27
NOticel

Lou, Pieetsticker OF Wabasha.
MINI, has been appointed official
chiropodist To the Club.
The Oklahoma City times. [volume] (Oklahoma City, Okla.) 1908-1984, 1916-12-27
'HIST0RYBlFS;.
One Hundred Years AGO Today.

lSl6-Rt Rev. Michael Domenea
Catholic bishop Of Pittsburgh and la,e&
OF Allegheny, born in Terragona, Spain.
Died there Jan. 5, 1873.
Seventy-five Years Ago Today.
l84l-Col Albert d. Shaw. New York
congressman and one-time commander.
in-chief of the G.. A, r.. bore in Jef.c
ferson county, N. Y, Died in Washing.
ton, d. C.. Feb 10, 1901
Fifty Years Ago Today.
l&6-Juarex. leader of the Mexicans
in their war against the Emperor MAXI
milan. entered the city OF Durango
amidst great rejoicing OF the people.
twenty-five Years Ago Today.
l8ol--Traifc throughout England
was suspended by one of the densest
fogs ever known in that country.
The Oklahoma City times. [volume] (Oklahoma City, Okla.) 1908-1984, 1916-12-27
One Year Ago Today in the War.

December y, I9I5-LIoyd George
threatened to resign unless England es.
tablished compulsory military service.
The Oklahoma City times. [volume] (Oklahoma City, Okla.) 1908-1984, 1916-12-27
Cruel and Unusual.

(Waynesiield (Ohio) Chronicle.)
John Miller, an old pioneer of our
neighborhood. was called away and
buried at Fairmount Cemetery Sunday
Carson City daily appeal. [volume] (Carson City, Nev.) 1907-1930, 1916-02-15

ihree miles from town and one-ha',
nile 20 school, II you are interested
write the Appeal. or Lock Box aga
tersI1 CITY. Nevada. m2s-,
Carson City daily appeal. [volume] (Carson City, Nev.) 1907-1930, 1916-02-15
FOR SALE OR TRADE

For Nevada Land--A fine 8O-acre
sarm in the Ozark mountains in Ar
kansas. Thirty bearing peach pear
plum and apple trees. one. half acre
bearing grapes. Forty acres Of good
young timber. Small house and out
buildings. Fine spring mountain VIZ
ter. Ideal place for fruit growing
The review. [volume] (High Point, N.C.) 1908-19??, 1916-02-24

! Tickets on sale to Pensacola, Mobile
and New Orleans, February 2Sth, to
March 9Th, inclusive with privilege of
extension of limit to April 3r6 on pay
ment of $l.OO.
Fast through trains, convenient sched-
ules, through sleeping and dining cars.
|'The Southern Serves the South"
For full information as to fares from
your station, schedules and reservations,
see nearest agent South railway, or
write r. HI. DeButts, D. P. A, Char
The review. [volume] (High Point, N.C.) 1908-19??, 1916-02-24
Spend the Cold Winter Days in Sunny
Chimes

Visit Tampa, Pensacola, Mobile and
New Orleans. Be there during the hoh-
day season of the Mardi Gras. Greatly
reduced round trip tickets on sale from
all points via Southern railway.
Tickets osn sale to Tampa, Fla, Feb
ruary 3rd to 9Th inclusive, fil,al return
limit February 2lst, with privilege of
extension of limit to March 6th by pay
ment of $l.OO at Tampa.
The review. [volume] (High Point, N.C.) 1908-19??, 1916-02-24
GENERAL ORDERS NUMBER
100000
Examination and Initiation OF
a Rebel Soldier---Questions
and Answers


a Rebel Soldier---Questlons
and Answers
From whence came you!
From the great Palmetto State.
What came you here to do!
Learn to load my gun, and I'M
prove myself in the art of war :.
We suppose then you are a Keoel!
am so taken by all other Rebels.
Where were you first made re-
bel?
In cradle of q southern woman.
Where second!
At a place where the drill mas
ter gave the command.
You know yourself to be a rebel,
how may / know it?
By gray jacket and rebel yell
What makes you a rebeE
Ny obligation to kill Yankees!
How was you made a rebel SOL
der?
By being Invested of a citizen
robe. with a canteen strap about my
neck, and a musket on my shoulder
! How were you then disposed OF!
Twas ordered to the camp OF H.
struction.
What was then done with you?
Twas ordered to wait time with
patience until the general ordered
me to the front. .
What did he then tell you to do?
Go through the lines and shoot at
every thing that looked blue.
Did you obey that command!
I did by trottins around the South
ern States twenty-se~en times
where the same command was gwen
before.
What did you then do?
! thought on half rations and rooo-
ed all the hen roosts found
How many did you find?
sor them all but the old setting
men.
What was then done with you?
Twas ordered out for two long
hours with rail Oh my shoulder
What did you then do!
Twas ordered east for better in
struction.
What was that instruction?
Invade the north and try my luck
on Bee Gums.
How did that work?
/ cot there but was not very well
come.
How did you get back?
! Bv the smoke of powder and lot
lead.
Did he expect you to pass?
He did
How?
By being a man. free born, sound
in mind and a forager.
What does that mean?
1t meant to steal all you could ,
and conceal all you got.
Was that not wrong!
All things are fair in war.
Did the general do that?
He did when it suited
| When did it suit?
When the boys would whack up.
Did they do that?
Not unless they had to.
Who was the General?
A big man on big horse.
We suppose then he always rode!
He never walked any.
Who done the walking?
The man who carried the guns
and powder.
Did he ever get tired?
Sometimes tired and very hungry
How did he console himself?
By good thinking and a lot OF hard
cussine.
What was then said to you?
The review. [volume] (High Point, N.C.) 1908-19??, 1916-02-24
BUdLE CALLS, BUT PEACE
MEETING OF VETERANS

Incidents Related Around the Camp
Fires of the Sixties-Once More Boys
Daughters Make Hearts Glad.
(Reprinted by request in order to
supply each Veteran with a copy
The editor spent another pleasant
hour Saturday afternoon with members