The daily Gate City and constitution-Democrat. (Keokuk, Iowa) 1916-1922, 1916-07-31
How Lawyers
Garble English

Chicago Evening Post: Horace
Kent Tenney, in an address repro
duced in the current issue OF the ILL
nois Law Review, tells in this detail
how the lawyer turns simple COLO
quail, disable English into . dead
language"
II man comes to . lawyer and
tells him that he has sold goods to
another and not received his pay and
wants suit brought to enforce his
rights, he may show the lawyer q
written contract evidencing the agree
ment of sale.
That contract may be expressed in
two kilograms. one Of which, from
the seller to the buyer, would read:
"Offer to sell 1000 tons OF pig iron.
$3.50 per ton, delivery thirty days,
IL. o. b. South Chicago docks, payment
thirty days, draft against bill OF lad
ing" And the other would say: SAC
lcepted." A complete, perfect. enforc-
ible contract sent by one live man to
another live man over 9 live wire.
And. having read 1t In the language
Of the living, the lawyer brings suit,
and then he says: New we will tell
the court about It,"
And SO, for the purpose Of telling
the court about It, he translates it
into the language OF the dead. And
for the purpose he goes into his
mausoleum and selects from among
the solemn cerements of the dead a
document already decorated-or mu-
tilated-with TOO words, On which he
finds inscribed the name Common
Counts" And BY a few strokes Of the
pen he makes this document, by the
insertion of few names and dates,
refer to the individual case in which
he is retained And thus he has, by
this translation, expanded the simple,
plain statement Of the contract made
between these two live men into this
elongated, formal and formidable
statement.
And the first part Of 1t begins with
an averment that the plaintiff has
sold to the defendant goods, wares
and MISUNDERSTANDING three words
where one would amply suffice, but
not using one which describes or sug-
gests the kind of goods which were
the subject of the sale. So far as this
document is concerned It might be
either pig iron or pigs or potash or
pearls. And this he does, not because
it is the way he thinks Or the way
he speaks, but because It is the idiom
of the dead language which he feels
bound to employ.
And then, having made this con-
!cealing statement Of the facts, and
having worded it in the formal Ian
guage familiar to the men who knew
Westminster hall when It was a mod.
ern building, he gives rein, as they
did, to his fancy, and proceeds to aver
that whole lot of other things took
place between these parties; that the
plaintiff sold other goods. ware and
merchandise of different kinds; that
he worked, and worked hard, for the
defendant; that he lent him money
and had an accounting with him Of
various transactions between them.
That, in short, between these two In
nocent bystanders there had taken
place all Of the transactions which
can occur between men ana result in
a money liability.
And that he does, not by the use
of the English language, which he
uses in his own transactions, or which
anybody at any time has ever used in
his own transactions, but only because
it is the idiom and form of the dead
language which he feels bound to en-
ploy.
We have seen a good many keen
and logical pleas for the abandon
ment Of legal English We never
saw one that included the whole fact
and argument as neatly and CON-
pletely as this one Illustrative case
of Mr. Tenney'S