davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1916-12-07
BOO-HOO!
From the Cincinnati Enquirer.

From the Cincinnati Enquirer.
Slowly and silently she laid the white,
lifeless form in the place that had been
prepared for it. Tenderly and gently
she rose and gazed for the last time
on that which she had brought into be-
ing. Mute, dry-eyed, alone for short
space she leaned over the little rounded
body that was fast growing cold. Sud
denly those who were near were disturbed
by the heart-rendering shrek that echoed
through the stiffness of the early sum-
mer morning. Again there was silence;
then a second Shrek, then Shrek upon
Shrek. We rushed to the spot. We
raised the lifeless little body carried it
into the house and had it boiled for
breakfast. The little red hen had done
her duty again.-A.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1916-12-07
STARR SUPER WITH sALv1N1

From "A Super With salvini," by Alger-
non Tassin, in the Scribner.
The crowning moment of my suping
with Salvini was in the italian version OF
1.-THE Gladiator This the supers re-
there was little work of Importance for
any of them to do. Except myself. !
was to bear two short Roman swords to
the gladiator in the middle of the arena,
hand them to him, and after he hao
chosen one retire with the other. This
simple action young Salvini assured me
was extremely important. I did not
dream until that night how great was
was piece of solo work. Tier on tier
the seats of the arena arose, but they
were thronged with only painted ladies
and gentlemen. Salvini held the exact
center and detained his big speech. !
TODD in the wing with the two swords
spread upon my arm, arranged by young
Salvini with injunctions that they must
be held just SO and when the moment
came extended just so. They were heavy,
and as I gathered that I was to advance
alone to the center of the stage and
stretch them out to that geyser so holly
spouting there began to have stage
fright. The moment came and I was
prodded from behind. Dutifully / walked
forward and. reaching Salvini, waited for
a pause in the torrent. He turned and
eyed me with the utmost ferocity. Snatch
ing both swords, he swung one and
forced the other back upon me. Then,
to my utter CONSERVATION he said to
me in English, conversationally but with
a voice still colored with savagery. Very
goot, that is very gootl, Then he hurled
himself at once into the fiery close of
his speech without break in the emo
ton. 1t had not occurred to me that
every one in the house could not hear
him, and mechanically I walked to my
exit. How preserved my gait I do not
know, for inwardly I was in the utmost
confusion. My blunder must have been
terrible indeed, If in the midst of that
cyclone of passion he could pause to de-
ride me! I prepared to flee from the
wrath to come. But young Salvini wait
ing in the wings, nodded his head and
paid no further attention to me-
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1916-12-07

From the Memphis News-Scimitar.
~ VIEW YORK Is still dazed and seems
llW incapable of finding herself or TO
q v realize that Nthe late eiectlon -
no+ oil an unpleasant dream. me loea
of the south and the west joining nanus
n carry a national election, In spite OF
the great wealth and power OF 'n0 eao'
and north, seems incredible.
while New York is the great metropolis
of the nation. 1t has often Deen ciaiineu
that II is more provincial than any otner
American city. The new Yorker cannot
re.,iza that there is anything in the
oa,r+rv outside of New York, and that
everything of value that is not In New
york is to be found on the other side OF
the Atlantic.
The New Yorker sometimes talks about
the west, but to him the west enos at
Rurfalo. and beyond that city there Is no
horizon. There is Pacific coast, 1t Is
true hut that is so far beyond the orbit
80 h,s mental vision that he does not
/ take it into account.
| The soxth and west have united be-
| canse they are homogeneous. A great
many southern people have gone west.
and In a good many western cities a
large part Of the population is from the
south. These people have brought with
them southern sentiment and habits Of
thought, and southern men take SO nat
urally to politics that where they found
now homes in the west, they are moro
l 1n
politics Of that couMSy.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1916-12-07
Universal Training
To Be Considered

lM EMBERS OF the Senate military
6V4 committee intend to press a
measure for universal training and
service in this short session of the
Sixty-fourth Congress. Senator Cham
berlain, chairman of the committee,
has been for sometime a strong adj
vocate of compulsory training, and his
views in the main are shared by army
officers and not few men prominent
in the National Guard. But when he
comes to shape bill he will find it
difficult to get an agreement in his
committee touching details.
The idea is to have only young men
men not over twenty three years Of
age-on duty with the colors; and boys
from twelve to sixteen in the cadet
corps attached to public schools or
private Institutes. But how long shall
the trained adult be required to serve
in the active corps? The shorter the
term the more popular would be the
system. But shall compulsory service
be limited to six months or one year? ?
There will be a wide difference of
opinion on this and other points, and
no matter how imperative may be the
need for universal training system
| it is hardly to be expected that any
plan will be adopted between now
and the fourth of March.
The only way it could have chance
would be for President Wilson to get
behind the proposed bill and push it,;
but his railroad and labor programme
will keep him more than busy and if
there is to be any pushing members
of the military committee of Congress,
in all probability, will have to do it..
Senator Borah has already intro
duced bill to repeal the law federal
| izing the National Guard. The guard
was eager for the enactment of such
measure when it looked as if the
United States would be at war with
Mexico. But protracted border duty
has been more than they "bargained
for" and many members of the or
ganized militia are now as eager to be
defederalized as they were to be made
part of the regular establishment.
1t will be left to the Sixty-fifth Con-
gress to act on any military measure
of large scope or bearing, and in the
meantime the pacifists will "agitate'
against universal training and service,
no matter if it proved to be the only
way that this country can provide an
ade, ate army for defense.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1916-12-07
ALL IN VAIN.

See here" exclaimed the traffic police
man. DO you know how fast your were
going?"
NO" replied the angry motorist, but
I know it wasn't fast enough"
What do you mean by that?"
Just this: I've missed the train I was
trying to catch"
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1916-12-07

BEGINNING THE DAY-"I believe
in good, in the moral order, and IN
salvation; religion for me Is to i've
and die in God, I'm complete aban-
donment to the holy will which Is
mt the root of nature and destiny.
L believe I'm the gospel, the Soou
news--the reconciliation OF the SIN
ner with God, by faith in the love OF
n pardoning Father" Amen.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1916-12-07

and coffee and 100000 for chew
ing gum. Many of these articles were
paid for in small amounts, nickels
and dimes, and the moral of the thrift
writer's story was that every time you
are tempted to exchange a little coin
for something not needed just drop
it in a savings bank.
1t is admitted by scientific econ
omists that some things that "are
not bread" but classed as luxuries,
are not far from being necessities
when happiness is considered. There
are people who claim that the moder-
ate use of any Of the drinkables listed
by DR.. Eliot is good for some folks.
| Others say that most Of them are posi-
lively injurious. Be this as it may,
is there not a mistake in the soft
drink bill? Only $12O,00O,O00!
Judging from the large business
that is apparent-the millions of peo
pie who crave soft beverages and the
countless trays that are carried into
office buildings and work shops every
day-one might have said that the
total paid for these refreshing con-
coctions was close to the billion mark.
A motorist claims that hens no longer
show indecision. but scuttle to safety
when his automobile approaches. Not SO
with Chickens" who are not averse to
a little Joy ride.
Hapless fasteners are not any too
" arm these days in their fur overcoats,
but down in Dixie one may stroll to the
corner cigar store and back in his shirt
sleeves.
1t is easy to understand why the inter
ception of million cartridges consigned
to the Mexican government is regarded
down there as an embarrassing Incl
dent"
That Chicago diet squad attracted
more attention than it deserved. This
country is full of people who are dieting
to beat the band
Now that the Russians have been told
what they are fighting for. they ought
to show their appreciation by fighting a
little harder.
A man who has met Carranza says the
first chief Is not a imam of mystery"
Evidently those whiskers he wears are
OF disguise.
A nultimillionaire must have his good
points, when his chauffeur offers to give
a quantity of blood to save the multimil-
lionaires life.
II
The President of China wears western
trousers that bag after the fashion pc
cuiar to the garments of American
statesmen.
Colonel Harvey admits that he guessed
wrong about the election, but he is not
at all upset The colonel has a sense
of humor.
1t is difficult to find a person nowadays
who hasn't at least half dozen maxims
for reducing the high cost of living.
X x
All is quiet in Athens again-that is,
so far as person sailing over the capt.
tai in an airplane could observe.
X
The good -humored tolerance with which
Mr.. Wilson treats the suffra gists makes
them madden than ever.
Even William Allen White is beginning
to think there is something radically
wrong with Kansas.
The interior of submarine gives one
an idea of what is meant by efficiency
plus.
Premier Asquth is entitled to long rest.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1916-12-07
Erisco Unadorned

ct see where an effort is being made
to call the st. Louis and San Francisco
railroad the New Frisco said J. II.
Doughty, general agent for the Frisco
lines in Birmingham. This followed the
reorganization of the Frisco. with its new
executives.
although I think it is well that the
new title be adopted, I am rather firm
in the opinion that it will never replace
the unadorned Frisco A railroad thai
has been operated for the number OF
years that has been associated with the
Frisco cannot hope to adopt a new title
and have it given currency"
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1916-12-07
MANcRovE FORESTS IN BAHAMAS

MANGROvE FORESTS IN BAHAMAS
Richard LIE Gallienne, In Harper's Maya
zine for December.
Mangrove-trees are to me the most
fascinating of all the vegetable growths
of our strange planet. When young, as
we thus first came upon them. at the
opening of the creek, there is something
tender and idylic about them. with the
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1916-12-07

Muscle Shoals, knows his subject
through and through. That he will
make convincing speech at Norfolk
goes without saying. But the cause
will be greatly helped if Alabama and
Tennessee delegations are on hand to
show the interest which is felt in this
part of the south.
Albert P. Bush of Mobile is the
second vice president of the Southern
Commercial congress and it is hoped
he will be escorted to the Forthcoming
meeting by goodly company from
his end of the state. Governor Hem
derson will be among those in at
tendance.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1916-12-07
ADRIFT WITH THE TIMES
sLoTH IN THE SUBURBS.

When crisp and cold the mornings dawr
And silv'ry frost CLEANS on the lawn,
How sweet it is to lie in bed
III all desire to sleep has fled!
And yet how grievous Is the shock
Mhen glancing at the sturdy clock,
we realize the minutes flown
ana with some muttered curses, own
Ihat wen be late. Ills so decreed,
Regardless of the wondrous speed
With which we shave and battle and
dress
And breakfast in acute distress,
Ihen race to catch a car, in fine,
And get to town on stroke of nine
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1916-12-07
THE PERSONAL TOUCH.

IT understand Mrs. Calder read an
original poem at the meeting of the Pen
Wiper club yesterday afternoon"
Judging from the number of words
she mispronounced, the reading was high
ly original, but the poem itself was a.
selection from Browning"
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1916-12-07

fresh, childliko. laureline
Dangling rods Of emerald tn;
ly the suckers of their banis
but, as we proceeded milan
into an absence and bizar
like nightmares striding o
direction, with prancing. {
planted in noisome, festerl
and stretching out horned. o.
that seemed to take root a
and threw out other roots q
q dream,
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1916-12-07
SOUTHERNERS i'm THE WEST

For this reason good many southern
born men occupy distinguished political
positions in the western states. United
States Senator Marcus A. Smith OF
Arizona, was born in Kentucky. Senator
Charles S. Thomas of Colorado was born
In Georgia. and the other senator. John
F. Shafroth was born in Mississippi;
Senator Henry L. Myers of Montana was
born in Missouri and Francis G. New
lands and Key Pittman from Nevada
were born in Mississippi. Thomas B.
Catron of New Mexico was born in Mis-
souri, and Albert B. Fall was born in
Kentucky. The senator from Oregon.
George Chamberlain, was born in Mis-
sissippi. and the senator from Washing
ton, Miles Poindexter, was born in Ten
nessee.
Where SO many southern men occupy
these distinguished positions, southern
sentiment must be strong and popular
in that section. In the House there are
only four western congressman who were
born in the south. but southerners oc-
cupy judicial and other positions in large
numbers. The west is producing her own
statesmen to large extent, aa2 arc
ing less and less upon the e Ark N
hoepitable reception which h
to southern men makes tho epa H'oA ssss
tween the two sections easy ase
The union formed in the t siesiNe
is not likely to become sa tis
the near future. On the co esra
is every reason to expect ast
nermanentlY.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1916-12-07
sELE-coNsCIoUs

From the knickerbocker Press.
About the time young man discovers
to wonder il he has as good shave as
he ought to have.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1916-12-07
A POSE, MAYBE.

TITS a remarkable fact" said the pro-
fessor, that the difference of only a few
hundred miles in Europe often makes the
language of people unintelligible to their
nearest neighbors."
quite SOL
Whereas Californian can easily be
understood by New Yorker
THAT used to be the case but since the
presidential election, New Workers swear
they can't understand the Californians."
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1916-12-07
Children SGarve
I'm Milwaukee

NURSES and physicians who have
v been investigating living condi-
tons in Milwaukee report that many
children are starving there. The wage
earners of families in large number
of cases are not paid enough to buy
the bare necessities of life.
Nurses sent children to clinics,
thinking they were suffering from tu-
berculosis. An examination soon dis
closed the shocking fact that the little
ones were underfed. 1t is estimated
that they lacked 40 per cent of their
normal food.
The city is being urged to establish
medical and dental inspection in pri-
vate as well as public schools, "on
the theory that many cases of starva-
ton can be headed off before they get
a good start"
A surprising state of affairs in a
country that is enjoying unprece-
denied prosperity. With enormous
fortunes being piled up and men be-
coming millionaires almost in day,
the poor we still have with US. 1t will
always be so.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1916-12-07
Oregon Wife Beats
EIusband AZ the Polls

Husband Al the Polls
m HE defeated candidate for mayor
u of Umatilla, Ore, is E. E.
Starcher. He was beaten at the polls,
after spectacular campaign, by Mrs.
E. E. Starcher.
Let us hope that during the heat OF
the battle the two rivals did not in
dulge in personalities. The average
man and wife know so much about one
another, both good and bad, that 1T
would never do for this knowledge to
be used on the stump. 1t would set a
bad precedent at time when femin-
ism is decidedly to be reckoned with.
In the future husbands and wives will
doubtless have many differences of
opinion in politics and may even run
for the same office as Mr. and Mrs.
Starcher did.
The voters of Umatilla seemed to
think Mrs. Starcher would make bet
ter executive than her husband, and
she probably will. Is it possible they
based that opinion on the relative i'm
portance of Mrs. Starcher and Mr..
Starcher in the direction of their home
affairs? To the victor belong the
spoils, but Mr. Starcher has one con-
ISOLATION There's nothing like keeping
a political job in the family.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1916-12-07
ALABAMA PRESS

opelika News: The price of cotton has
been fixed according to the supply and
demand this year. The spectators were
not able to do much with 1t this time.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1916-12-07
Choosing Between Friends

Running for office and getting elected
is hard task, but do not know that 1t
is any more trying than making appoint
ments when one is forced to have to
choose between so many friends and
competent men, said Capt. Romano
Boyd, circuit judge-elect Of Jefferson
county. when take my place on the
bench next month, will have the NAM
ing Of two court bailiffs. More than 90
men, most of them my friends and sup
porters and practically all of them quail
fed for the position. have made applica-
ton for these two places.
"Of course, I would have been extremely
glad if I had been able to name all OF
them, but such thing was naturally
impossible. AS 1t was L had to select
two men and express my sincere regrets
to the others. 1 hated to turn down
the applications of competent men and
friends who wanted the places, but | am
sure that practically all of them realize
the position in which L was situated
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1916-12-07
PROFITABLE FEAsTING.

1.-THE idea of spending two hours or
moro at dinnerY exclaimed the fldgety
man.
THAT isn't always waste of tlme,
answered the eminent financier. "Some
big deals have been put through between
courses"
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1916-12-07
Southern Commercial
Congress Next Week

N LABAMA should be represented
GA by many of her public-spirited
citizens at the annual meeting of the
Southern Commercial congress to be
held in Norfolk next week. Every
civic body in the state should send one
or more delegates.
A programme of general interest to
this section has been prepared, and
as it includes an address by exGov.
Emmett O'Neal on Muscle Shoals and
the governments projected nitrate
plant the entire south will be aroused
to the Importance of the enterprise.
Notwithstanding the magnitude of the
proposed undertaking and the far
reaching benefit that every southern
state would derive from it compare
lively little has been done in the mat
ter of exploitation. There is a quiet
but lively contest for the nitrate plant
in certain of the northern states, but
Muscle Shoals would be without ques-
ton the logical location for it, and
if the south will only bestir itself and
the leaders in the work of industrial
upbuilding cooperate with character
istic vim we will capture the prize.
What the south, especially the cot
ton south, needs more than anything
else is cheap fertilizer, and that is
what nitrate plant at Muscle Shoals
would provide. The government is to
expend $4,000, 900 on this new indus
try, and that very fact will help to
enrich the community where the
money is spent; but this is only a
small part of the benefit.
While Congress adopted the nitrate
bill primarily as military prepared
ness measure, the farmers of the south
are more interested in the fertilizer
feature of it. Iii time of peace high
quality of commercial fertilizer could
be produced at Muscle Shoals at small
cost. The south is wonderfully rich in
natural resources, but it would be
many times richer from an agricul-
tural point of view if the fertilizers
it uses were produced ON great water
course like the Tennessee river.
Governor O'Neal, who is to discuss
the nitrate plant in connection with
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1916-12-07

Admission Star: Col and Mrs. Roosevelt
have been married for 80 years and Mrs.
Roosevelt still wears a serene and con-
tented look. That shows that Teddy has
TO behave in his own home if nowhere
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1916-12-07
ON THE SCREEN.
We're told the movie
kiss is sweet
That flickers through
About ten feet.

UNSATISFACTORY CONSULTATION.
my doctor advised me to play golf"
"A fine game"
Certainly. But when I asked him il
he could advise me how to increase my
income to the point where I could afford
an afternoon at golf. he begged to be
excused"
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1916-12-07
EXPLAINED.

"A young man in society tells me that
he expects to do great deal of Christ
mas hopping this year.
you mean shopping, don't your?
mo. He's one of those indefatigable
dancers" PAUL COOK.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1916-12-07

ERADICATION.
II notice in passing"
Said old Mr.. Dow,
"a tick in the watch
Is worth two on the cow"
Savannah Press.
II don't mind remarking,"
Said Angus McCree,
"a peach on the lap
Is worth two on a tree"
Birmingham Age-Herald.
And don't mind adding
A line to this slush-
That a quail on the toast is
Worth two in the brush.
Commercial Appeal.
That Is right about quail,
AS far as 1t goes,
But a rose on the bush
Is worth two on the nose.
Admission Star.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1916-12-07
Sadness In Asquithf. Retirement

THE retirement of Premier Asquith as
the head of the British ministry has in 1t
a touch of sadness said Commissioner
James Weatherly yesterday. In my
opinion, he was one of the greatest men
England has produced in the past cen
fury, and is one of the really great
men of the world at this time. But 1T
seems that he was unable to meet the
demands of the war conditions. A great
lea der in times of peace, it may be that
he lacked Just a little of the autocracy
and constructiveness necessary in periods
such as England is now going through.
Gladstone one of the greatest statesmen
England ever produced, made failure
of the African campaign.
ANY man in public life who is con-
scientious and aggressive gradually in
creases the number of his enemies. III
he is a constructionist and an active
man who takes a position on important
questions, the time will very probably
come sooner or later when his enemies
will be sufficiently numerous to bring
tout his downfall, no matter how strong
he may be. This seems to have been the
case with Premier Asquith. From year
to year, he has necessarily offended more
and more of the leaders and during the
war the necessity for prompt and vigor-
Gus action has served to increase those
desiring his downfall.
sit may be best for the British ma
ton that Lloyd-George or some man Of
, his type succeed to the head of the gov
eminent and the present indications seem
to be that the Welshman is to be chosen
for this arduous task. He will measure
up fully to the requirements of the place"