Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1916-08-18
EXPLAINING HENRY's WOES.

for publication. In fact our meeting
is to be so secretly guarded that have
been requested TO enter through the
back door. / may retire over the same
route. We have often heard it charged
that Hen is nutty. You wouldn't blame
him if you saw all the little FOrds rum
ming around the streets of his home
town. / slipped over into Canada yes
terday, but when / learned the new
governor general had not yet arrived
from England / returned, leaving word
that / would see him later. / have
been iaunting in an auto over country
roads for the past several days. There
are rumOrs that the auto is hurting
the railways. That's a mistake. 1t is
hurting those who persist in making
their long trips over the gasoline route.
AS / write / feel not unlike the small
boy who has Just concluded a session
in the wO0dshed with father
CONDE Il. MEENAN.
DIR. Josephine Baker of New York
holds that it's natural to be naked
Who will be first to volunteer? Some
body could score a great hit walking
down Second avenue one of these tor
rid afternoons dressed for the bath.
Well wager that even Bill Fitzsim-
mons would ignore the traffic violators
and go one eye on the innovation. The
naked eye and the naked truth have
grown blaze.
PERFECT VS.. Perfect is the title of
a divorce suit filed in Cook county.
The end of a perfect-go as far as you
like.
IF you be one of those who imagine
that genius is a lost art you are re-
spectfully invited to have converse
with Hugh E. Curtis. who has just
solved the mystery of the non-delivery
of his daily copy of All the News All
the Time" the past week. Mr.. Curtis
has found that the carrier boy, trust
ing to the intelligence of one of the
several cows Mr.. Curtis keeps on his
property, struck upon the idea of plac-
ing the paper in the halter that was
around the animals neck, expecting
the cow to turn towards the barn when
night came on. Assuming that mem
bers of the family would be on the
lookout for the paper they would see
their copy on the COW, providing the
animal did not eat it or shake it off
The boys scheme was to save leg work,
as the Curtis home is atop a hill, and
the COWS invariably were grazing on
the lower side of the hill when he
reached that point in his rounds. The
animal fulfilled its compact with the
carrier few nights. The other nights
it failed him. 1t is possible the COW
heard of the scarcity of paper and de-
voured the copies. However, Mr.. Cur
tbs did not ask for a reprimand of the
boy. He said that the COW was at fault.
He supposed until now he had cows
that had better manners.
PITTSBURGH saloonkeepers have
reduced the sizes of their beer glasses.
But probably patrons will not observe
the difference because of the smoke.
THE Germans have captured Stara-
wipozyna height. That ought to about
end the war.
FIFTY banks owned by negroes
have formed an association. We may
live to see the color of our currency
changed.
BEFORE you go all the way in your
decision to give women equal political
rights with men take a night off the
next time one of the gentler sex is an
nounCed to deliver a street corner ad-
dress. You would hardly be proud of
her if she were your wife.
WOMEN rockies at Geneva, Wis,
have called for guards to keep men
away from the river while. they are
bathing. And they are learning to be
soldiers! Such cowardice is appalling,
to say the least.
IN the Ninth senatorial district of
this state o. J. Krampikowsky is a
democratic candidate for the legisla-
ture. And his hackers predict he'll
put a crimp in his rivals.
WE have been requested by an old
subscriber to announce to our custom
ers that H. NJ. Pinch retails shoes at
RipOn, Wis. 1t is said too, that he
does a lacing business.
OBJECTION to the use of the term,
cher father gave the bride away is
registered by L. b. w. slow can
that has been already won
be given away" he inquiries. Gosh, we
don't know, unless dad Just naturally
feels so good over reducing the family
board bill another notch that he wishes
the world to know that il wasn't his
AhuAS aAAAAN IiAC NAuh u tViIlC
DISPATCH from Berlin claims the
Germans deliberately executed Captain
Fryatt to make the British angry 1t
appears to have been a sure-fire act, as
they say in vodeveal.
SHARK-PR0OF.
There was girl in our town,
And she was wondrous cute;
She said, When | go bathing
I'll wear an iron suit"
Springfield Union.
There was girl in our town,
And she was smarter yet
She said, When ! go bathing
I'll stay out of the wet"
youngstown Telegram.