News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1916-09-27
Finnegan's Philosophy
Single Track Minds

"What is he?" asked Finnegau. "Sure
at 1njainnypoles he said he was full
Of Annymated Concerv'tism. Fwhat's
that, We say? Ills the turn table on
the wan thrack mind. 1t kapes spin
MIN round and round an divil man
can tell fwhat switch it will pick up.
1t dinnau itself. So We dinnau where
to lay for it.
"'Twas so wild the arrumed freight
ships They're not warships,' he says,
'onless | change me mind he says,
which l have, he says, AN annywan
who says so is a liar he says, but
refuse to discuss it, he says. I'll pass
the buck to Congress- he says, 'on'y
l won't he says, for it's no business
of theirs he says, though they must
vote on the resolution he says, to
show where they stand he says,
'hince yell lay it on the table, he says,
an thin they can't vote says Wud-
throw to Stone.
"T-I-thought l seen fallacy,'
says, Stone, timid like, but the Great
Idaylist brung down his fisht wild a
lump.
"Table the risolution,' says he-an'
away goes Stone.
"'Pwhat does this meanY axes the
Sinit.
Gentlemen, says Stone, weepin'
bitterly, we can frisk me. But thim's
the ORDERS says Stone, AN if amy
man liver knew fwhat it meant he's
KEEP quiet about it..
$50 wild the fightin' wurd. We're
too proud to fight says this turrible
man to bunch iv just-overs at Phila-
delphy. aw-haw-haw,' says the
wurled "a laugh gets his goat, Jawn).
Il was thinkin' iv somethin' l didn't
say yells Wudthrow. 'Haw-haw-haw,'
says the wurld, laughin' to split.
"Be this an be that Too Proud to
Fight has made the reppytashun iv
Wudthrow. TITS like the Monroe Doc
trine to Monroe or Emanshipashun to
Lincoln. Twas TRANSLATED into ivry
tongue. 'Tis better known than the
twenty-third psalm or the famous ora
ton iv the Guv'nor iv North Carliny.
If an Ashantee poked another in the
eye he's give him the coon FIR Are Ye
Too Proud to Fight? an they'd both
laugh befure they wint to the fure
Ali the recruitin' signs abroad had It,
an the shame nd bring three recruits
where 'Tipperary' or rum wud bring
wan. oh, won't ye PLACE stop laugh
in? says Wudthrow, but they laughed
the more. So he sinds Jim Ham Lewis |
to explain. He's called Ham by reason
he's so fond of pork.
"'Three thousand years agone,' says |
Jim Ham, or maybe less, says he |
AN ould Dago said, mon Dinny Carey |
win Kerry"'+ Cor the like O. that, Jawn |
1t means not to have a chip on yer |
shoulderD Non Dinny Carey win Ker- /
ry,' says Jim Ham, AN julius Say
zer,' says he, AN Tolmy philadelphy,' |
says he, AN the Earl iv Cheatem, |
says Jim. an William Hatch Sew |
ard says Ham, AN lot more l for |
way says Jim, although he says,
they nivir said so.' says Jim Ham to
the Sinit
Now, says he, how, / axe We, cud |
the Prisidint know that the cultivated |
Christian aujience,' he says, Hv immy-
grants says he. 'wud fail to grasp
the nooance,' says Jim Ham. An
Jawn, they shut the dures the way
the people wudden't see the Sinit lose
It's dignity
"'Fhwat's a nooanceT asked NAHUM
ply.
"''Tis a sort iv intellectual gold
brick replied Finnegan, slightly puz-
lied, be which We say fhwat We doan't
name an name wye doan't say. The
1ooance comes out iv 1t somehow. IT'S
like l dinnau what, just exactly like
t. he added after short pause 4
tell thin apart
"'Well,' said Malumphy, the single
;hrack mind gets nowhere. I'm think
NJ
9th gauge is none too broad re-
)lied his friend, AN the thraffic's
leavy,' he added"
*Non Dinicare est Vincere. II
= Il n 4 4 Il 4 l