Askov American. [volume] (Askov, Pine County, Minn.) 1914-current, 1916-09-28
FINNECAN'S PHILOSOPHY
~ ~I~~~
BALKAN.

Finnegan. "Balnhln was a highbrow
that knowed less than his Jackass. He
took an office to curse the people.
Number Twinty-tpo. Och. hone! 'Tis
different these tines. The Jackass
knew better till Balaam tanned him.
slave me ride Je.' says Balaam, an
I'll make ye the biggest Ass in the
wurld.'
"'Great,' says tie Ass; what dye
feed?'
"'Pork,' says Rs!aam.
"'Me savior says the ASS
$50 Balaam mounts. But soon the
lack balks.
"'Phwat Is itr says Ealaam.
"'S2akes,' says the ASS: ut looks
like the jawbOne Nv me mother.
"'G'wan.' says Balanm, hittin' the
ASS clip tits me furren' policy
he says.
"'Phwat's ut forr axes the ASS.
"'Ut definds the nashun.' says Ba-
laam.
"'Howp says the ASS.
Faith = says Ralaam, ut takes a
bigger ASS than you to know that
Lave 1t to Brine says Balaam to the
ASS; an the Jack walks on medita-
tin.
"'Hee. haw.' says the Ass, balkin'
an kick!n'
"'What nowT says Ralaam.
Tn hn
says the Ass. 'Ul could be a frog
says he, for ut srands up In front.
and sits down behiad; an it's mostly
mouth, says the Asa ut has white
feathers says the Jack. wild yalIer
streaks, that changes he says, to
Very Crooz Red. or Niagary Blue. an
now they're Carrysall Yaller again.
says he. 'Hlvins, have | been drink
inT screams the ASS to Balaam.
"'Saints be praised says Ealaam.
Me Watchful WaItin' cnn still change
it's mind he says. 'G'wan, where
glory waits. he says. 'G'wan. In the
service Nv Mankind says Balaam to
the ASS, touching him up. An the
ASS shufIies ahead, wavin' his ears In
admiration.
"'Hee-haw! Hee-hawr says the
Jack, rearin' up wild his eyes bulgin'
"Phwat's grlppin We now?' says
BALKAN, impashunt like.
az dunno says the ASS. ut looks
like the FLYNN Dutchman with So
ciaiist Crew he says.
"''Tis me Ship Bill says Balaam.
Side step to the right he says
side step to the left says he, wei
tin him. Back up says Balaam
near wrenchin off the Jacks jaw
rine an fifty nrfllyun pork says Ba-
lanrl wild shower Nv blows; an the
Ass goes on thremblin'.
"'Wah-hee! Wah, hee! Wah-hee !!
says the Jack, shyn' so he near
threw his rider.
"'I'll learn ye to shy at me Naval
Bill says BALKAN. iar-rupln the
haste so he cud scarce stand.
AYE can't pass Ut widout wearin
Republican clothes. says the Jack in
coarse whisper
"'Ye ASS says Balaam. Don't W
know that amy cloes Is betther nor
nakedness? G'wnn.' says Balaam. In
tones NV thunder. So the poor haste
lopes on, limpin' wild pain.
1--WE not time to tell We all the ad
ventures they had, but they KEEP or
over rough roads. now an then eros
| sin II ditch on wan term plank
| which made even BALKAN unaisy
Iviry time the Jack kicked. he go
short rations an II wallop. So wheI
the journey was near over, the poor
haste was all in. and far too proud t,
fight. Any Jack-Ass can be tha
when he's licked.
| IVAN stormy night, the Jack bloom.
into a harmony like Il Dimycrat Tariff
! Hymn played on gaspipe wild the
| feet.
"'phwat ais We nowT calls Balaam
clubbin' him wild both hands.
"'Nivver did pass the like yells
the Ass, sweating and thremhlin'. u
says ut's an eight hour law. Oh phwa
is utT screams the Ass to BaIaam
feebly Vaughn his ears.
az dinno phwat ut Is meself,' say
Balaam. but l know phwat ut's got,
| Balaam says.
| "'PhwntT axes the poor ASS
"'Five hundther thousand votes
says Balaam. wild n pious air. G'wan
ye big ASS. an doant We argue wi,
IN ldayljst,' says Balaam to the Ass
1--WE can't pass ut in the dark
pleads the Ass. Lave us wait 70
light means the ASS. weepin'.
mix says Balnam. There's no
time comm an the votes'll Spite
DO We thurst for sixteen more year
in the Wilderness Giddap.' says he
purgin' yer heart says Balnam. 4
| iyiry thought that's SELFISH says Ia
!aam. or personal chants Baaam t
the poor ASS tickIin' the Jacks siat
wild coup'in' pin.
by this time the Ass was So vor
out wild his ardyuus lahors. that h
knew no more than Rnlaam himself
So, wild one despairin' cry, he droppe
his ears, as he an his master stumble
| tv,sA h, nh.