The Washington times., 1916-09-19

~ HE most ungrateful thing In the
world In a hat.
After weeks Of anticipation,
days Of concentration. and hours
Of CONSERVATION. comes realization, and
the hat Il bought y
Yet at the first hint OF fall. the COM
panion OF our happy summer hours
grows tickle and malicious. No shred
Of gratitude for the labors of love
prompts the average hat to remain true
and steadfast. @
The latter part Of August one can be-
Gin to notice a, change The hat seems
to have moments of abstraction. series
OF on days. when II does not respond
to the hand or the hat pin. II acts
obstinate, and refuses to look present-
able unless the hair In done just so.
Somehow the pristine beauty of its
youth seems to be passing. Caught at
odd moments. in a different environ
ment or perspective. for instance on the
hssd Of a friend, or a husband, or a
hat rack, II looks positively dissipated
One has heeting suspicious that the hat
has been cat all night, and only sneak
the waking time OF its patron and
owner.
An the days grow shorter. and the
nights longer this suspicion becomes
more fixed. From being merely sugges-
tive Of temporary dissipation, the sum-
insr hat becomes openly rakish.
II seems to take a certain kind OF
vindictlvc delight In appearing its worst
out In public. When the owner: dashed
looks older this fall and-why SO shabby
- thought her husband was doing
very WE'LL" etc, etc.-puils at the nat
and makes some attempt to marshal
1t into Its former chic appearance. do
you think 1t responds?
Not at. all. Ii settles deliberately back
en- the head. resting on the ears IKE an
old derby. Nothing hut combinC the
hair, brushing. twisting. pinninS and
eoaxins will unReat It,. -
OF course. there are exceptions
Teiour fedora hat which has been faith
Jul and true for many winters, II Is
actually now q part of its owner. IL
coddles him. IL coaXes him: II becomes
his solace in hours OF chagrin or doubt
',Tere never was SuCh "A true ana
''rAteful hat. When. he IL In 81 rood
'rumor It sits Jauntlly on the back OF
his head. careless, gay, debonnirc. a
sort of who dsres call me old sort
"f look to 1t.
when he Is cross or vexed 1t hovers
prG.ectIngly over his eyebrow as II to
say, Don't speak to him this morning
he had bad night and doesn't wan,
to ne bothered"
Some times 1t sits sauarely and neatly
ca right, sober. demure, well groomed
II n then that those who know II well
take heart and approach its owner
For by this same sign does 1t signify
that he is poised. calm. open to fair
and Just discussion of events.
Even when not on his head. this
brown velour sits patiently, near by
DogI1ike In Its fidelity. as eager as a
lover In its willingness to please, II
he quickened into a human thing. A
true and steadfast brown, II Is his ever
when not on his head, and seems tc
say, Touch me not. move me not
from this place for HE laid me here
And as q reward for this fidelity tn,
man wears the brown velour hat ever.
fall. As surely as the leaves turn doe
II come forth into Its own. cleaned
stralghtened. and brushed with lavish
care. Surely does love beget love.
This case Is an exception, however
II IL one of those Damon and Pythia
instances. II comes but once In life
time. Most OF us have not the courage
TO respond to the love OF a faithful
hat when we have one.
Mainly because We have been spolle
by the utter fickleness OF most hea,
gear. When the season begins I
change, one gets oversuspicious OF
hat. and what Is merely meant for
sympathetic accordance with mood !
eften taken for spiteful disinclination t
perform duty.
Don't\be fooled, however. II your ha
keEins to have strange humors, loo
well to 1t. Search your inner self 10
obtrusive vagaries, but 1t you are guilt
less, buy a new one with clear con
science. And don't break your hear
over II. Remember that in one chanc
out OF a hundred II will turn on 20
with the first hint Of spring.
Every hat isn't a brown velour.
THE CONDUCTOR.