El Paso herald. (El Paso, Tex.) 1901-1931, 1916-04-15
Pu5iished BY permission Of and copyrighted
by HEARsT's MAGAZINE.

-u5iished ~ permission Of and copyrighted
BY HEARsTs MAGAZINE.
THIS here war they're havin in Europe"
said Mr.. Hennessy, "is lastin' III long
time"
I'm sorry it's borin' ye it u.s." said Mr. Dooley.
Twill be very dsappintin to tn fellows that put it
at great expinse an thin that ARE actin in it
TO know yere beginnn' 10 yawn It's hard to satisfy
some people. thought ye were iniyin' it Look at
all tn increased prosperity it's brought ye. Why,
two year ago ye'er wheelbarrow was empty half tn
time an now tbs always full an ye ARE fair
staggrin' undher tn increased ordhers v tn Steel
Company. No wondher Claud Kitchin an tn other
brave fellows at Wash'nton ARE thryin' to stop
yeer neefaryous thrafic with tn Alleys an put ye
half time. They're tn wurr-ukin' mems friends.
thin boys. BEN above manyal labor thimsilves
their motto is half time fr tn t'ilin masses.
There's nawthin' a patriotic Southern Con
gresham likes betther thin to rejooce tn worruk-
in days iv their fellow Dimmycrats iv tn North.
They're not against war They're against wur-ruk
An they're right.
NO sir. I don't know whin twill come to an
end an no more does anywan else. FightD', Hin
Missy, is a recreation that people is slow lave of
Tn Germans ARE thryin to lick tn Fr-rinch an
they'll niver do it while tn Dutch is Dutch an tn
Frrinch is Fr-rinch. TIL English is thryin to starve
out tn Germans that ben' tn way that looks best
mind ye, to an Englishmsn to sUbjoo an nimy But
ye can't starve a German oness ye blow up tn
breweries Besides tn Germans ARE an injanyous
people Wan iv them gifts up In tn mornin, puts on
a suit iv clothes, made be tn corner druggist out
Nv coal tar an goes down to tn cay or ratskellar
an ates hearty breakfast iv shsvins covered with
smeerkase an couple " kegs iv lager. He's just
as we'll off as though he'd had his usual mornin'
meal iv noodle SOUP pigs feet an wurtzberger. "
course tn household pets may be nervous. l wud-
dnt blame thin When little Gretchen looks at her pet
canary in tn cage tn feathered warbler knows she
amt admirin his singin' She's thinlUn' how good
he wud taste If stuffed with onions. An tn faith
full OIL dachshund sleeps beside tn porcelain stove
with wan eye open. ready to bite tn hand that wud
feed or him.
mo, sir, It's almost impossible to stsrve a coun-
thry out. Gn'rally speskin'. boy tn stomach iv
a country is a great patrite an can get along on
iron films If nRwthn' betther is on tn bill iv fare
All It wants is a little healthy exercise an some
thing 70 amuse II. Why sir, used TO know an ex-
Confelhrsts sojer-how did know be was an e.
Confedhrate3 Because he niver give tn rebel veil
whin tn band played Dixie He was a bonyhdy
rale wan. He was an eccentric chsrackter He
owned less thin two hundred slaves whin tn war
bFuk out an he didn't lave tn OIL plantation Z iine
Massa Bob but WIS dhrafted OF a hoseoart in
Richmond Re told me that III Confedhrate ARMY
had practically uawthn' to ate but popcorn an Con
fedhrate money that they made into a salad with
sxlegrease. But did they hght7 Well, ye ask amy
southrener ala they fight
well, anyhow this frind " mine told me that
II GinTsl Lee and Gin'ral Grant hadn't been such