davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1916-06-25

says In 50 many words that the right
to organize for the evasion OF laws
Is a privilege Of the rich but not OF the
poor. But take the same practical test:
What would the police say. what would
the world say. II men stood about the
streets In green and yellow uniforms
VIGOROUSLY for the purpose Of warn
Ing pickpocke,s Of the presence OF the
plain clothes officer: What would the
world say II recognized officials In
peaked hats watched by night To warn
a burglar that the police were waiting
for him" Yet there Is no distinction
o. principle between the evasion Of
thai police trap and the other police
trap the police trap which prevents a
motorist from killing a child like a
chicken. which prevents the most fr!r-
olous kind of murder. the most pi;eous
kind of sudden death.
Well, the poor mans divorce law
will he applied exactly "a all these
others are applied. Everybody must
know that II would mean in practice
that we'll dressed men. doctors. mag!s-
trates and inspectors. would have more
power over the family lives OF il,
dressed men, ~navvies. plumbers and
potmen.
Nobody can have the impudence 10
pretend that II would mean that nav
v!es. plumbers and potmen would
either individually or collectively have
more power over the family lives OF
doctors, magistrates and inspectors
Nobody dare assert that because di-
yorce is a state affair therefore the
poor citizen will have m power, d.
rect or indirect. 10 divorce a duchess
from a duke or a banker from a
bankers wife. Hut no II will call
II incorceiyable that the power Of rich
families over poo families, which Is
already great. might be considerably
increased by arm!ng magistrates with
! more powers of interference with pri-
vate life.
For the dukes and bankers often
are magistrates. also the friends and
relatives OF magistrates. The nav
vies are not. The navy will he the
The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1916-06-25

VIZ course" sad Mr.. Chester
ton. ha,ancins himself with
difficulty Oh a very small
c'air. 81 never claim for my
'rriors the vice " importantly. and
II his question Of divorce | most GER
AMY do not profess 10 he impartial.
N my modest manner. however, | do
cam most emphatically 10 be right.
also claim 10 he representative; that
: democratic.
NV. II course ~ may believe in
3snooraCy or not believe in IL. The
tAicul,y about believing in democracy
s that II is so hard to oe!ieve-likc
'ri and mdny other good things. The
'tuo.A with not believing in democ-
'icy Is that there isn't anything else
u which 10 believe. | mean that
her" j. nothing else IN earthly politics.
Unless an ari>tocraCy Is selected by
gods . must he selected by men. II
may ns paSs.Nely permitted, but either
-af'h or heaven must permit II. other
ws% b ran have 40 more moral
s!'hor.y than a lucky pickpocket. 1t
e she'r rash, typical OF the modern
aahait; - think. To talk Of supermen
% the wise few. 81. The wise few
must %" either those whom others
INK Wise, who are often fools, or
rose tat think themselves wise. who
are away. fools,
We. Il YOU happen to believe in
fsmo0raov as | do there can he no
'"s''anoy about Your impartiality on
n" srN i'c' Of divorce. or the extern
non of divorce among the democracy.
J does not seem tn me TO lie worth
ton'ra1lc'3nc that the rich largely be-
The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1916-06-25

rage: ! hereby ask that II may he
remitted in such individual and ex-
IRENE examples
Now IL is perfectly astounding to
me that n one who has walked
about this world should make such a
blunder about the breed we cal! mar
ask for dreadful exceptions you Will
get them. too many Of them.
Let me take once again a rough
parable. Suppose I advertised in the
papers that ] had a place for any one
who was too stupid tn he a clerk.
Probably I should receive no replies.
possibly one. Possibly. also-nay.
p~robably-it would he from tho one
man who was not stupid at all.
"But suppose that I had advertised
that I had a place for any one who
WA too clever TO he a clerk. MY
ONCE would he instantly hesieged by
all the hopeless fools in the four
Kingdoms. To advertise for excep-
tons IL simply TO advertise for
cyclists. To advertise for egoists is to
advertise for idiots.
ut Ia exactly the bore who does
10 'i'N bt' 'shSv y lIlt'IFSllIEs IT
Ia precisely the really common per-
son who does think that his case Is
uncommon. II is always the dull man
who does think himself rather wild
To ask solely for strange experiences
Of the soul Is simply 70 let looso all
the imbecile asylums about ones ears.
Whatever other theory is right.
this theory Of the exceptions is ohvi-
ously wrong, or what matters moro to
our modern atheists In obviously un-
businesslike. II is. moreover. to any
one with popular political symmthies
"A very deep and subtle scr, ~ treason
BY thus putting n premium on the en-
ceptional we grossly deceive the UNI
consciousness Of the normal.
1T seems strangely forgotten that
the indifference of n nation is sacred
as well as it's differences. Even pub
lie apathy IS "a kind of pubic opinion.
and in many cases n very sensible
kind. If | ask everybody to vote
about mineral meals and do not get "a
single ballot paper returned. | may
say that the citizens have not voted
Blu, they have.
The principle held by the populace.
against which this plutocratic con-
spiracy Is being engineered, il simply
the principle expressed in the words
for better, for worse II is the prin-
ciple that all noble things have 20 he
paid for, even II you only pay for them
with "A promise.
"bne does not take ones interest
on of England as one might take IL
out Of consols. \. mar Is not an Eng
lishman unless he car endure ev"n tn"
decay and death Of England. In tn"
experience az nationality W" do not
admit that any excess of despair can
come into the same logical world as
deser'ion No n ~ tragedy need
amount to reason.
The Christian view If marriage
corCeives of tho home rs self-goycru-
ing in "A ann ANALOGOUS TO an indo-
pendent state: that Is. that 4 may in
Ci,ide Internal reform and even iu-
,ernal rebellion. hut because OF tho
The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1916-06-25

Government authorities in Washington
that 1t possessed the element Of
patentability, The examiners in the
United States Patent office were
broadly familiar with the cumbersome
and somewhat complicated diving
dress usually worn. and 1t was very
hard for them to conceive how any
thing less bulky and complex would
answer. They finally saw light, how
ever,
The divinhood, for such the inventor
calls II. Is n cylindrical affair OF metal,
surmounted by "a h~emiSpheriCal top
ana cut away at the bottom SO as Ia
1T comfortably over the shoulders and
to rest snugly on the back and the
chest In front there Is "A circular
window or port glazed with plate glass
through which the wcarcr commands
n good wide angle of vision. Below
this window are secured two lcaden
weights, and a :h!:.l is placed a. the
rear of the hood, Together they are
heavy enough To carry tho helmet to
the bottom even when filled with air.
On the left side of the hood, at u
point Just above the divers ear. i
the intake valve, by which air enters
the helmet through "A rubber hose con
Meeting with "A pump at the surface.
Down around the bottom Of the helmet
Is a line of small holes through which
the surplus air passes steadily out
ward and then su~rfaceward; carrying
away in this fashion the eXhaled
breath and especially the carbonic
acid a given of from tho lungs. Me
chemically that v all there u 20 the
divinhood.
The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1916-06-25
PROMINENT HUSBANDS INVESTIGATED
BY NIP AND TUCK WHO NOW REPORT

Hello. boys. Step around to suff
headquarters n meet my brand new
wife. said Captain inks Of the $. l..
r. Marine. turning them right about
face. Just back from the honey
moon"
The monocles ~ Nip and Tuck fairly
twitched witt eagerness when they
were introduced I o Mrs. Jasmine links
as she finished her speech. And when
she invited them home to help her and
her husband get dirner even their
canes twitched. They broiled beef
steak and French fried potatoes and
washed lettuce and whipped cream and
wondered how links was ever going
to tear himself away when his leave
expired. When they went home they
sat up all night to d Mrs, links 10
the list of prominent wives and to pre-
pare their report as follows:
I'VE beg To state that with one en-
&C option we have found prominent wives
to have receding husbands. The one
exception is so pronounced ~ to lead
us to the belief that strength finds
it's true complement in strength. We
pin this belief 10 the small but mighty
person Of Mrs. jasmine links, suf-
frage leader. We find Mrs, links petite
and dimpled and We consider her the
hest cook We ever met.
she knows that when we speak OF
Villa we do not mean "A summer home
In Italy; she SHOWS that when we
speak Of Verdun We are not talking
Of insect e~Xtermlnators. and she knows
the difference between the policies OF
Wilson and Root, which IL more than
they do, She has captured a roaring
lion and makes him like captivity.
We are frmly OF the opinion that she
would not have bothered with a lamb.
Wherefore wa recommend promi-
nent women, II they he nothing hut
prominent, tn TAX receding husbands,
and prominent women who are really
big do not need our advice, for they
can take nothing but prominent hus.
bands"
The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1916-06-25

I Attempted 10 escort her from stage
door 10 taX and had To pick way over
Frustrated. black coated forms. Looked
for something that might resemble
a husband, but saw nothing until n
taxi had started. when they discovered
him In a corner.
"'Mousie for short explained the
siren with a. careless, Introductory
nod. Sometimes ! call him the Worm.
because he turns.'
1T transpired during tea that the
Worm was accomplished enough TO
have two turns-a domestic turn, bv
which he could prevent his wife from
eating two starches at one meal, and
an intellectual turn. during which he
answered all the love letters received
by his wife, and answered them In
such a way as to encourage the
gentlemen without committing the
lady.
Note: Prominent woman apparently
finds husband useful.
-. Mile. lie Hop, premiere danseuse
in the Skip and Jump Trio. We find
her husband and ger, MIR, Lamb,
most Industrious. Every morning he
WTltps an lnteTNltW WI H'I' 'rkiuii''k'
Mile. lie Hop, with the worlds most
talented toe, has at last consented-
Every afternoon he gives to preventing
MlIe.'ss Skip and Jump from receiving
any publicity and every evening he
leads the applause after his wife's solo
dances.
"Note: Prominent oma apparently
finds husband valuable"
The eight hour day was up. Nip and
Tuck we're YEARLY lifting their n
to hail a taxi Ito be itemized on ex-
pense account) and discussing the re-
port.
Nip said Tuck, pounding the
pavement with his cane In a suddeO
fury, are VIZ going to rurn In a re-
port that all prominent wives have
recedlng husbands?
at looks like that said Nip sadly.
"uniess we put in another eight hours
and see II We can't scare up--
The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1916-06-25

divorce would catch them in the most
complicated net ever owe In this
wicked world.
THE tragedy Of love IL in love, not
In marriage. There il no unhappy
marriage that might not he an equally
unhappy c~oncubinaee. or a far more
unhappy seduction. Whether the tie he
legal or not matters something to the
faithless party: II matters nothing to
the faithful one- The pathos reposes
upon the perfectly simple fact that II
any one deliberately provokes either
passions or affections he Ia responsible
for them as long as they go on. as the
man is responsible for letting loose a
flood or setting fre to a city.
His remedy Ia not to provoke them.
like the hermit. His punishment.
when he deserves punishment. 10 10
spend the rest Of his life In trying to
undo any I'll he has done. His escape
Ia despair. which Ia called. in this
connection. divorce.
For every healthy man feels one
fundamental fact In his soul. He feels
that he must have a life. and not a
series Of lives. lie would rather the
human drama were a tragedy than
tfat II were a series OF music hall
turns and potted plays. A nan wishes
10 save the souls Of all the men that
he has been: OF the dirty little school
boy, OF the doubtful and morbid
youth. Of the lover. Of the husband,
R|eincarnation a always seemed 10
me a cold creed, because each incar
nation must forget the other. II
would he worse stlll II this short
shorter lives. zach Of which was In its
turn forgotten.
III you are n democrat who likes
also to be an honest man. II In other
words you want to know what the
people van and not merely what YOU
car somehow induce them To ask for.
then there IL no doubt AT all that this
IL what they want. You can only
realize It by looking for human nature
elsewhere than in election reports;
hut when YOU have once looked for
IL YOU see II and YOU never forget Il.
From the fact that every one thinks
IL natural hat young men and women
should carve names or trees. to the
fact that every one thinks IL unnat-
ural that old men and women should
pc separated in warehouses;. millions
and millions Of daily details prove
that people do regard the marital
relation as normally permanent. not
as a vision but as a vow.
Now for the exceptions. true or
false. would note a strange and
ven silly oversight IN the discussion
Of such exceptions. which has haunted
most arguments for further divorce.
The ordinary emancipated prig or
poet who this side OF the pues-
tion always talks tn one tune. Mar
rage may ne the best for mos, men.
he says. bu; there arc cxccpt.ona!
natures that demand a more urdulat-
ing experience; consistency will do for
the common herd, but there are COM
pick natures and complex cases where
no one could recommend ~constancy.
| do not ask az the present stage Of
progress for the abolition Of mar
The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1916-06-25
the Proposal to Make Divorce Easier for
the Poor in England, He Asserts That His Views
Are Both Right and Representative

rags, the natural exits are forbidden.
In such societies IL is as abominable
to punish or divorce people for a
blow as IL would be TO punish or
divorce a gentleman for elamming the
door. Yet, who can doubt II ever di-
vorce is applied to the populace II
would he applied In the spirit which
takes the blow seriously? II any n
doubts It he does not know what world
he Ia living in.
ut IL common 70 meet nowadays
men who talk OF what they call free
love as II 1t were something like free
silver. a new and ingenious political
scheme. They seem to forget that II
II as easy to judge what II would he
like az TO Judge Of what legal marriage
would he like. Free low has been 60
Ing on In every town and Village since
the beginning Of the world: and the
frst fact that every man Of the world
knows about II In plain enough. II
does produce any Of the wild
purity and perfect freedom its friends
attribute TO II.
IF any paper had the pluck to head
a column rs Concubinage a Failure
instead Of rs Marriage a Failure?' the
answer Yes would he given by the
personal memory Of many men and by
the historic memory Of all. Modern
people perpetually quote some wild
expression Of monks in the wilderness
twhen q whole civilization was almost
maddened with remorse) about the
perilous quality Of woman. about how
she was a spectre and a serpent and
a destroying fire. Probably In the
same age an Adjustment Of nuns
situated a few miles away described
man also as a spectre and a serpent:
but their words have not CONF down
to MS.
Now. al this old world wit against
Benedik. the married man. was SEN
sihle enough. But so was the bachel-
orhood Of the old monks who said II
sensible enough. II IL perfectly true
that 10 entangle yourself with another
soul in the most tender and tragic de-
gree is to make in all rational prob
ability a martyr pr fool OF yourself.
"Most of the modern ~denunciations
Of marriage might have h-en copied
direct from the maddest OF the monk
ish diaries. The attack on marriage IL
an argument for celibacy. II Is not an
argument for divorce For that en-
tanglement which celibacy avowedly
avoids divorce merely reduplicates and
repeats.
1T may well have been a solemn
comfort to n gentleman OF Africa to
reflect that ne had nc wife. II cannot
he anything but n discomfort to a
gentleman OF America to wonder which
wife he really has. II progress means,
as in the ludicrous definition Of Her
bert Spencer. ar advance from the
simple "a the complex then certainly
divorce Is a part of progress. Nothing
can ne conceived mo1- complex than
the condition NJ a man who has settled
down finally our or Ave times. Moth
ing can be imagined more complex than
the position ~ a pr~ofigate who has
no; only had ten liaisons but ten legal
l,aisons. There Is n real sense in which
free love might free men. Bat freer
The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1916-06-25

l.eve n divorce. as the poor largely
believe in fidelity. Bat the modern
rich are powerful and the modern poor
are powerless. Therefore for years and
decades past the rich have been
preaching their own virtues. Now
that they have begun to preach their
vices too ! think that 1t is time to
protest.
There IS one enormous and elemen-
tary objection to the popularizing Of
divorce which comes before any on
sideration Of the nature If marriage.
II is like an alphabet N letters too
large L" he seen. That even II the
democracy approved ~ divorce as
strongly n deeply as the democracy
does in fact disapprove ~ 1t any man
Of common sense must know that
nowadays the thing will he worked
probably against the democracy. but
quite certainly h. the plutocracy.
People seem to forget that in a So
c!cty where power goes with wealth
and where wealth is in an extreme
state Of inequality extending the pow
ers OF the law means something en-
tirely different from extending the
powers of the public. They seem to
forget that there Is a great deal of
difference between what laws define
and what laws do.
The law theoretically condemns any
one who tries to illustrate the police or
v fails to assist them. Yet rich
motorists in Great Britain and Amer
lea are allowed to keep UP an organized
service Of anti-police detectives wear
ing a conspicuous uniform for the
avowed purpose o: showing motorists
how to avoid capture.
no. one supposes again that the law
The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1916-06-25

NIHn.ss, . "," s,,. a'v. .nn''a pail pa . tn,
down into the sea to shake
Lands with Davy Jones and see nov
the denizens Of the deep disport them
selves in their native haunts.
This sounds fantastic, no doubt. hut
II is Just this very thing that William
X. Vanderbilt. Jr.. does when he wants
TO thrill his friends aboard his yacht.
the Tarantula. when cruising about
in tho limpid waters around the
Florida keys. One by one he sends
them twenty or thirty feet down to the
spabed. whore forests of coral wave
with their burdens OF purplish sub
aqueous vegetation and schools of rain
how tinted fsh dart in and out Of the
ahadOwy aisles. II II like being born
again into a new world OF pallid green
Astounding in softened contours and
shot athwart with ever changing
opalescent hues.
How is It possible for any one but
q trained diver ia do this? How can a
submarine novice hold his cves open
and stay below long enough To get
more than the hastie~t glimpse Of these
underwater wonders? II is all because
of a recent invention that makes this
form Of diving scarcely more difficult
than DOMINIC a top hat in this case.
however. the hat might better I've
called "A helmet. The rest Of the log
gerry needed Is nothing more than con-
ventional swimming or bathing dress.
The diving apparatus Is fundamen-
tally so simple that 1t took the inventor
a year and . half 20 convince the
The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1916-06-25

TIL, bo,,,o, :, r,, .,ro,r, :, ,ro
,.o,rar h,,, ,. H.
shau,d., 49,. - -
aoo. u.a,h,' .hH.
na,a fl. - ''". W.
H. ~. Wv"
",,,'' ~ !''' "''"' ,"'
~" ~ 'fl"'"' "''.'''
49,, 20, NV
''''"''' "''"'''! VI '"'N '''i ~ N"'-
n'~'r."'' II SAFER anu I"r more
n'N'o'e IN us service p"sS'''''''S 'Hin
Nv ''7"'"' 'o'"'s VI Twink ur''S'
The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1916-06-25

TO become hers, he SAID, that she had
no wish 10 interfere with my career.
In fact. she is home so seldom that
abe is glad to have me occupied. As
for my new duties. ! have reduced
them to such a system hat they
scarcely interfere with my Office
routine
Note Prominent appar-
emily finds husband b%earable.
"2. Henrietta Highbinder. social
worker. Reached her rooms in time
to hear her address a large and intel
ligent audience on 'Tanking Condi-
tons for Hippopotam! at the Zoo
".As Miss Highlander receives hand
some royalties from her first two do
nestle ventures, she is able to finance
her current number. Tertius Quid, SO
he can devote all his time to
creating for her a proper atmosphere.
Mr.. Quid invited us to stay for lunch
con. We accepted and did not turn
in expense account for lunch at club.
my wife cannot he with us. as
she has to accompany a party OF
ladies' to the zoo for the inspection Of
the baby hippo's tank he said 'Ex-
cuse me just a minute while ! gather
up her halrp.ns. She does scatter
them so when she talks, hut I'd rather
pick them up myself mr. nag her
about them.
"'Her first husband used 10 meet
her at the door with a dustpan and
broom and left the table In mysteries
II she splashed a drop Of gravy on
A. ---
Her second was the other extreme.
Often she would come home at night
and find him still in his morning
jacket. reading the sport page, I
try to keep the place comfortable
without making her uncomfortable
Mote Prominent woman appar-
entity fnds husband harmless.
-. Nine. Badrats, soprano siren
Invited her and Mr.. Badrats TO tea at
the Spentmore after one of her mat.
inees. Included this, and large bou-
quet Of sunnowers In expense account,
The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1916-06-25

EAl YEAR brought 10 the State
'Nnlugal Commission such a
- mood ~ anxious inquiries on
tie d"sirahility If marriage for
"' rlSns sex that Nip and Tuck were
dpl''1' j '' myestisate and report on
''e husbands of prominent women.
Ate ID nervous collapse. due to their
ee''lon" last August on behalf of de-
rer''a summer husbands. Nip and
'A'k AZ fms, declined the appoint
"'h' They could march. pencil and
pad In a., viow. 20 any wild eyed man
wsSINc MS name at Iolly's and say,
rafG'n u. sir, but why Is Green
N'h NlIhfe'' They could turn their
moh'o!es on the bark Of a family tree
NC d"'ndNi Il on" 81 it's twigs. Where
your historic background? But
,'eE 'Ft that they could not ring the
r'''"el or every donesticsted fem
INST and ask questions about her hus-
tand
h1t IN spite Of the difficulties Of the
1,u't'aklng, Nip and Tuck wavered
""eh trends from all ove the country
ns'n them 10 remember the cause.
"h'n they finally accepted they stipu-
A'H WITH the :. &. &. that they would
"p"r' only on such inspections as
'l'uIa 'r made in an eight hour day.
'"p mat there should be no investiga-
AZ" 81 'heir expense account. With
"~" "details settled. they started
I'm AT the end Of the eight hours
.'F had The following notes ready for
evaporation in their formal report:
l. ASgy Tate. rcformer. DID not
ss'e"d mach time al her home. Neither.
wv SN'' As she is Of the short haired
.""tN, poetic justice demands that
..' husband, Agonistices Sampson,
war Ions hair, In spite q this. he is
asF"hS minded man and keeps his
~" nam" III private. though in public
~ consents for the sake Of propriety
nat 'h'y he known as Mr.. and Mrs.
"ssy Tate, The predictions OF his
"ennS TO the contrary, he did not
s.tNp his office when he married.
My wife agreed. when ! consented