The Lakeland evening telegram. (Lakeland, Fla.) 1911-1922, 1916-06-08
The Old Snowman
He Tells How He Invented a
New Animal
By NJ. QUAD
Copyright, 1916. by the Mcclure
Newspaper Syndicate.


'guyasticutusT
There never was such an animal,
beplied one. There is such a word al
guyasticutus. but 1t is a slang word
When you call a man a guyasticutus
you express your contempt for him."
my friends. you are wrong, and
shall take great pleasure In convincing
you Of the fact l can't say that such
an animal exists now, but he surely did
forty years ago. for / invented him
myself"
''Give us the YARN was called out
from every one.
"Well, was head keeper Of the me.
hagerie travelling with the circus. We
had started out Of winter quarters with
i've hyenas In the cage, but four OF
them had gone dead ON US. / guess II
was pneumonia that carried them of.
The one left was an old he hyena, and
he could stand any sort of weather and
take the bumps of the country high
ways. However, after his companions
had departed this life we saw a change
In him. He didn't fall sick. but he got
lonesome and sulky.
There were daily complaints that
our hyena was a fraud, and l was
wondering what we could do about II
when the boss came to me one day
and said:
George, that old hyena is making
trouble for us. What's the matter
with him anyhow
81 guess he is tired of being a hy-
ena,' replied.
"'But he can't be anything else, can
hep
Why, we can't make bird of him,
but maybe can make some other ami
NAL of him.
Then do 1t, man.
II changed the hyena's food a dozen
times and gave him whisky to lap
instead Of water" said the old show
man, but it didn't improve him any,
and l set myself to wonder how l
could make him over. The bright idea
came to me at last, and one Sunday,
when we had lazy day of 1t, bought
various paints and brushes. There
was a farmers hired man hanging
around the show. He had deserted the
pillow for the romance of the circus.
He had offered to work for So a week
and his board, but l had no room for
him. When l got the idea Of making
the hyena over l beckoned to this chap
and said:
Joshaway, / will give you SIS a
week and your board If you will do
what l want you to do. 1t concerns
the old hyena in the cage over there.
l want to make guyasticutus Of
him.
"Joshaway promised, and the first
thing TO do was to tie the old hyena
up. We got ropes and straps around
his legs and muzzle over his nose,
and then went to work with the paints,
He didn't give us much trouble; he
was too lonesome and homesick for
that We gave him bright green ears
we gave him a bright red nose and
red eyebrows; we spotted his body
here and there with green, red, blue.
yellow and black paints. We put a
dozen rings around his tail, and we
painted his legs one color and his feet
another. Say, boys, when we got
through with that hyena we had to sill
back and roar with laughter.
I'VE had a special cage made fol-
him and gave 1t such a position that
only the front with its iron bars could
be seen. Behind 1t on a chair was
Joshaway, the young man who was
looking for romance. He did all the
talking, but it seemed to come from the
guyasticutus. Joshaway had voice
like the filing Of saw, and his talk
was a great success. The animal In
front Of him went on with a long rig
marole as to his forest home in Hon
duras and what he did there.
1.-THE fatal day did not arrive until
we had shown that guyastlcutus fol
two years and a half. I renewed the
paint on him every other Sunday and
saw to 1t that he had the choicest kind
of food"
"But what about the fatal day ~ was
queried.
"Oh, yes, about that fatal day." re
piled the old Snowman. "Well, 1t came
about in this way. That young mar
Joshaway undertook to eat an apple
while he was giving his talk, and the
seed of the fruit got into his throat
and stuck there. He had to choke and
cough and sputter, and the fact thai
there was a man somewhere hidden be
hind the guyasticutus could not bC
concealed. There were shouts Of ex
Citement and derision and calls for an
investigation. Half a dozen men press
ed forward and seized the cage and
pulled 1t Off its benches. That same
half a dozen men seized Joshaway by
the neck or somewhere else as he still
choked and sputtered over the seed.
and brought him out for the crowd Il
pick on. In just one minute 1t was
plain that the public had been swim
died for years. They had had a eeyas
ticutus instead of a hyena and had
double their moneys worth. but they
wanted their revenge, and they took it
The cage was kicked about until it wa:
smashed and its occupant was killed
and they stepped ON Joshaway ant
poked and pounded him until he would
never again feel romantic. and the figh
spread until something like Thousand
men and women were engaged in it
We had to stop the circus performance
and pack up and move on, and we haC
to so for a full hundred miles befor,
we heard the last Of our scheme Il
Guido natural history"