The daily telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1901-1926, 1916-06-14
(By RING W. LARDNER.)

81 LOuGS, NO., June IL.
A new third party was launched to-
day. So far II is composed OF three
members and It's name is the Three
League, on account OF all three talking
all the time about themself. > As you
have doubtless guessed. the three
charter members are /, and B. l. T.
and Percy Hammond and our ticket is
I. for president, b. l. T. for vice presi-
dent and Percy for secretary OF tho
navy on account OF he saying so much
and not saying nothing except about
himself The platform follows:
FIRST PLANK-It is unlegal to
make a speech.
SECOND PLANK-Those who
make speeches should be choked
to death.
THIRD PLANK-The capital Of
the United States should be moved
from wherever 1t is to Louisville.
o.
1t was not without careful delibera-
ton that us three decided to bolt the
Republicans and Progressives and
Democrats. And while we realize that
this move will change the entire po-
litIcal complexion. we should worry, to
use slang expression.
Our badge will be the American flag,
which lately is became synonym for
safety for American citizens every
where except on the high sea and in
Mexico.
AS for the Democratic convention.
which ! am supposed to be covering. I
found out some more real inside stuff
today. The names of Anheuser and
Busch have been withdrawn. When
this announcement was made. the par
~ as one man decided that Woodrow
Wilson must be the choice. Later It
was ascertRined that he can't get here,
and the convention will name nobody
that Isn't on the ground.
o.
For vice president several names
been mentioned. At the mention OF
most Of them You can't help from
laughing. Gov Major OF Missouri
seems TO have the best chance Of get
ting the biggest laughs. Charles War
rem Fairbanks and Gov. Willis OF Ohio
dAN Oul luA IT. MI GlluuON ullu WI,
Borax the same.
As for Roger Sullivan. would like
very much to see him get It, but here
is what heard today. and this is moi
no foOlishness but honest to heaven
facts. a man that's In the win bust.
ness and ought 10 know says that they
won't never get a chance to vote for
Roger because this here Marshall oi
Indiana is going to be nominated by
acclamations, and the reason for that
Is on account Of Fairbanks being nomi.
mated to run on the Republican ticket
and II they don't get another Indiana
guy TO run In the Democratic ticket
the Indiana Democrats would gen mad
and see that they wasn't no Democrats
elected.
As far as I'm concerned hope ali
candidates on both sides will get the
stufIlnG beat out OF them and then may.
be people will get wise to themself ant
Join the Three League.
o
Here is another interesting piece o.
information, at least so the guy saiC
that told 1t to me. and he is u CltiEeI
OF ST. Louis and wouldn't knock hi
own town without reason. He say
they hasn't never been a candidate
nominated at n convention in st. LOuli
that wasn't trimmed to a fare-you-wel
in the election. So wish all the con
ventions would he held In ST. Louis.
Other facts picked up was that Mr.
Hughes hasn't got a chance on &C
count OF concerted opposition from III,
BARRIERS union. They're afraid he will
start a fad that will put them out o
business.
and Mr.. Hammond nearly had 1
good story today but lost our nerve a
the last minute. We called up Secre
tary Danlelss room and asst him 70
an interview.
who is this" he says.
Its MIR. Mullaney and Mr.. Sullivan
from the South Bend News-Times ant
South Bend Tribune" we says. hoplnl
the Turkish names would appeal Il
him and also the fact that South Benz
was the place where he made a speed
once and told the patients the Unite,
States had the greatest navy In thu
world on account Of he and the!
seemed TO believe II and gave hin
hearty applause.
II will meet you at noon" he says
But We seen him at noon and he l00keC
cross and We was afraid somebody
would come up and tip him OF that w