The patriot. [volume] (Indiana, Pa.) 1914-1955, 1916-03-11
The Only Fool
BY NJ. QUAD
Copyright, 1916, by the Mcclure
Newspaper Syndicate.
BY M. QUAD

ing for 81 week; because, again, she
was tired Of work and wanted home
Jim Hewson married Sarah Martin
because he also wanted a home and
because he knew that she earned So a
month. That would pay the rent on
cottage In a village in those far back
days.
Jim was lazy. He was born that
way and couldn't help it. He hadn't
energy enough to sweat a shirt collar,
and therefore when he worked he got
paid according to his energy, which
pay seldom exceeded Is cents a day.
The bridal tour of the newly weds
consisted of walking a mile arm in
arm, each with basket on the free
arm, to huckleberry swamp a mile
away. There they picked twelve quarts
OF berries-that is. Sarah picked ten
quarts and Jim two Then they walk
ed 1aGk to town and sold the berries
to grocer for 6(lcents in cash.
"You see," said Jim as he jingled the
money in his hand, I'VE can get along
as easy as grease. This money would
buy US provisions for week"
The bride half laughed at the re-
mark, but soon felt serious and hadn't
much more to say. Two weeks later.
however, she had. Jim had gone to
see her in the kitchen in which she
worked and was feeling glad that he
was a married man when she said:
Jim, I have been thinking things
over"
well" was the query.
Il have come to the conclusion that
L was either a lunatic or an idiot to
have married you. You are all wrong.
You are lazy and shiftless. You haven't
got the energy Of potato bug. You
want me to work and support you in
stead Of it being the other way. If
you were the best husband in the state
wouldn't do it."
well, what are we going to do?"
asked the husband after a lapse of
minute.
Il can't get divorce from you, Jim,
for haven't got the moncy to put one
through. If we agreed on a separa-
ton 1t would do me no good, for I'd
still be bound to you. If l was free
altogether might stand a chance of
getting husband who would provide
q home and comforts for me-"
"YOu mean If l should die you'd
have your chance"
The wife didn't reply. She only
looked at him.
Jim rose up and left the house with
out a good night and went to his bed
Of hay in the stable. and for an hour
he did more thinking than he had done
I'm year before.
In about a week he tried suicide. He
went over on the railroad track In
mtdafternoon, and when the 3 o'clock
express came along he was standing
between the rails and facing it. The
whistle screamed and footed. but Jim
stood there as If spiked to a tie. The
engineer tried to stop the train, but
the pace was thirty miles an hour
when the cowcatcher did it's work
Five minutes later a man who had
witnessed the accident from forty rods
away came running up just as the vic
tim was climbing the fence of corn
field into which he had been hurled.
He had q slight limp in the left leg.
but that was nothing for Jim to kick
about.
Sarah had heard of this attempt and
started out to look for Jim. but she
didn't have the luck to find him. He
was missing from his usual haunts for
three or four days. and then be turned
up on q bluff overlooking the mill pond
half a mile from the bridge. He was
going to try the water cure this time.
The bluffs were thirty feet above the
water, and Jim couldn't swim a stroke.
Instead of striking the water, how
ever, he struck strip of mud.
''You blamed idiot! What did you
jump for? saw you when you made
the leapr' said passerby.
81 wanted to die" replied Jim.
Sarah got every loose boy in town
to hunt for jim. but they hunted in
vain. He had one more attempt com
ing to him, and if found ut all he want
ed to be found dead. He went two
miles away from town and hired to a
farmer to sprinkle paris green over the
potato vines of his patch. The farmer
left him alone for an hour. and Jim
mixed a big dose Of the powder and
drank it down. 1t was IN overdose
however, and it was thrown off, and
his life was saved again.
1t was when poor Jim was tottering
down the road toward the village that
a man in an auto overlook him and
halted to say:
IF you aren't drunk. then you are
sick. Get in here. Now. what's the
matter?"
Jim told him all. and, curiously
enough, the autoist proved to be an
uncle of his whom he had not heard
of since his boyhood days. When the
uncle had heard the story to its end he
said:
Jim, you had fool for Il father
You have got three fool brothers and
fool CiSfpTS or,E - rgr- fi,-, ,-. efx- fool