The daily telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1901-1926, 1916-06-10
LARDNER HEARS SMOOTAH OF UTAH
Also He Meets Gentleman Who Knew Another Gentle
man Personally, He Having Killed Him.

ms Ike that and no preparations made
to get us downtown till one of the
ushcrs that knowed Sid Smith asst him
ana TO ride down in a machine. We'll.
sid ass four others to go along with
us and that made eight including the
driver and the mDChine was Ford
so long before We got downtown we
hGowod another reason why a Ford
and a bathtub is both alike because
when they's eight people in them
they're kind Of crowded.
In return for them giving us the
ride downtown Sid asst me to take
lunch with him at one OF his clubs and
says goodbye 10 the people that owned
the car. After lunch we come over 10
the oilicc and boy was using the type
writer that they give me TO use this
week only and had to be took in the
suit OF rooms where the editorial writ
crs says | would better be careful or
the germs would get after me and first
thing YOU know would he writing
about food control and the voice of
the people would be writing in and
p?nnIng tho life out Of me.
CllfI Strikes Pay Dirt.
While | was trying to write this
stun, Cliff went up to the cashier and
rot some money, and the cashier is ON
the eleventh floor now. and when Cliff
come back and told me where he had
been at | made the remark that II
wasn't convenient for the cashier 10
he so far away, and he says +, was
better to have the cashier on the
eleventh floor and not the fifth, be-
cause when you got in the elevator to
come down II wasn't so crowded. Well
when n man can look on tho bright
side to that cNent, don't see what
Is he doing writing editorials. bet
he would say this was grand weather
we're having because it keeps YOU
from getting frocklcd in the Coliseum.
After getting the above fine start on
this stun went TO tho Congress. and
they was two Kentucky delegates talk
ing. and here's what they says:
"Did you ever know p. L. Morrow in
Paducah?' asst one OF them.
Very we'll" says the other. 81
killed him"
Prepared for Ohscqules.
So ! hurried into another part OF
the hotel and bumped into Nelson
Jones the well known South Bend fun-
cral director who Is here with tho
Fairbanks crowd, maybe in his official
capacity. Mr.. Jones Is taking up polI-
tics and says he had to learn seven or
eight languages in order to make
speeches 10 the inhabitants Of ST. los
cph county. and the languages in
cluded SqUinCh and Wymle. which he
says was dincrcU; Swcdc dialects.
We talked about this. that. and the
other thing, and finally he SAYS he
would have to go into some room
where ne had left SlS worth Of Okels
50 then seen he was lapsinE into
Squinch. and couldn't understand
That queer tongue. so | says.
"Panrcr," and that means good
bye" in Wymic.
Counter Attack In SQuinch.
'Bross. he says. meaning. sup
pose. goodbye" in SQuinCh.
Il must be interesting TO get into
politics and meet all them Squinchmcn
and Wymictians
Then ! went out In the street again
and tried to find somebody that was
maybe taking eight or nine people
back to the Coliseum in n ORD. but
couldn't find none, so ! had TO hire a
car. and It was q lndiana-iS. and
they charged a nickel apiece for the
fcllas ! took with me. was wore out
on account Of how hard | worked all
day. and asst Mr. Phillips and Mr.. Hen
ming. and Mr.. Hyde, and so on as a
personal favor would they cover any
thing that might come up and leave
The paper know about It. and they
promised
Next week. st. Louis.