Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1916-08-26
GHORDS a M
ID I s G. o r ID s
THE VALLEY CLARION


fee. The young man in the case has
already caused one postponement of
the event and was asked to advance
the date another two weeks in order
that one OF his associates might take a
vacation, but he declined, explaining
that he might lose the girl. You don
know what a chance you are passing
up" commented the Office crab. why?
You'll find out. It would be cruel TO
wake you up now"
CHAS. Wayne, our well known wheat
magnate, attended the Orion home
coming one day this week, he knowing
everybody in that section of the Coun-
try, as he was born and raised within
sight of the town. He drove out in his
seVen-pass machine, establishing a
new record on the trip, during which
he held her to an average of between
eleven and twelve miles an hour, which
could not have been accomplished by
a strange pilot. He had as his guest
Pedro j. Mccormick, our broker, who
makes money for folks instead of
breaking them, providing they know
their business; II. NJ. Schriver, who
once was mayor of our town, and who
says once was enough; Louis Funken-
women who earn more money than
they try to make their neighbors be-
lieve they do because he is paid by
the United States government for that
purpose; Betram thinner, who sees
that the lights are doused at II D. m.
every night in the Rock Island house,
and a couple more men, enc of
whom the editor never saw Lefsre,
but whose names we were unable to
secure before going to press. Mr..
Wayne planned to get his guests to
Orion in time for them to get a piece
of the OK roast that was served free
to all home-cOmers but when the party
arrived on the scene even the core
was gone. Mr.. Wayne met a man at
the homecoming he said he had not
seen in 40 years. Mr.. Funkenstein re
marked that he had met one he had
never seen before. Mr.. Schriver met
a lady who said she came to that sec
ton 60 years ago with her parents.
She and the former mayor talked over
the days when she attended a school
at which he was teacher. eve doubt
the accuracy of this statement, mas
much as Mr.. Schriver is made to ap-
pear much older man than he con-
fesseS to be, and it might imperil the
status of his insurance policies, but
we didn't have time to verify the story
for this issue. If it is wrong we will
straighten it out next week.. A pleas
ant time is reported by all members of
the Wayne party. Supper was served
at the Baptist church by the ladies of
the congregation, but one member of
the party blocked a suggestion that
the visitors stay for supper at the
church when he said he was a Pres
-
food. So the Rock Islanders had pea
nuts and pop and everything, which
filled the bill temporarily, and the trip
home was begun. 1t was announced
that the evening meal would be had
at Coal Valley, with Mr.. Wayne as
host, he not having a chance to spend
any money at Orion because he saw so
many old friends that they wouldn't
let him, they keeping him up against
the lemonade and pop booth and the
peanut stand for more than two hours,
during which he was feted much after
the fashion of the favorite pacherderm
at the Ringing boys circus. At Coal
Valley the supper was served at Al
Gregg's restaurant, where there aren't
any flies, Al trapping them at the
front door with a device that fools
even the veterans who ought to know
nibble at a hunk of cheese. The re-
past AL served was fine, say members
of the party, consisting of eggs, fresh
harvested that morning, cheese and
ham and water drawn from we'll 400
feet deep. Mr.. Mccormick had three
of cheese. He said it was i'm
mense and he didn't blame the flies for
falling for it. He said he would crawl
under a netting himself to get some
more of it. Coffee was also partaken
of by some of the voyagers, while 9TH
ers had buttermilk, which is the
strongest beverage AL dispenses since
the Valley ran up the w. c. T. L. flag.
The party arrived home safely. our
reporter found, and Mr.. Wayne was
given rising vote of thanks.
ONE of the republican candidates for
the states attOrneyship nomination
took his name out of the race before
the starter fired his pistol, in which,
in our opinion, he showed good judg-
ment, which some of the others don't
appear to possess. We don't know
who has the pole at the present writ /
ing, but whoever has he's likely to
find 1t a pretty slippery sappling to
climb.
JERRY WEIGH, our capitalist, was /
seen looking over automobiles last
week, but he denies he is going TO buy
one. He explained he was merely try
Ing TO find the number of a car from /
which pretty little dog was dropped /
In front OF his home one afternoon
while he was shaving his lawn, where |
he has grown the largest crop OF water |
grass in the city this summer, a fact /
which has gained him the title of our |
most successful water grass grower. /
His dandelion crop was also one of the |
largest in these parts. But he failed |
to locate the auto from which the dog |
either fell, rolled or was pushed, which |
he was unable to state definitely when /