The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1916-10-05


widely known financial writer in Amer
lea and author of the Holland" let
.ers which appear daily in The Age
Herald, has been forced by illness to
give up his work tempo .'ari!y. His thou
sands of friends and admirers horo he
will be speedily restored to health
a war expert declares that General
Falkenhayn, now in disgrace. has been
indicated by the failure Of German
strategy. Even if that were true, Gen
eral Falkenhayn is in no position to say
to the Kaiser: IN told you So"
French and British interests in Mexico
needn't expect the administration to do
| anything for them until after the cleo
ticn. The politicians hope and pray that
the Mexican situation win be permitted
to remain in statu quo.
! = * *
| While the minions of the law are con-
fiscating suspicious soft drinks" and
| trailing the elusive colored brother for
street tax, automobile thieves are sur
prisingly bold.
| Mr.. Root stood beneath a picture of
Abraham Lincoln at the Union League
club and introduced Mr.. Hughes. It's a
| far cry from Honest Abe" to E1ihu and
| Boise Penrose, who was also present.
| * y
The war correspondent who hasn't
taken at least one trip in an aeroplane is
not qualified to write what is called
"corking magazine stuff
| \ y
The street car strike has affected the
! theatrical business in New York, but con-
firmed first nighters will be on hand if
! they have to walk
| y X 4
| A Boston man predicts that eggs will
go to rs cents dozen. They are already
so high that egg stains are seldom seen
on shirt fronts
A Havana newspaper offers to bet $10,-
0)O that the allies will win the war Even
at odds of two to one. that would be a
safe bet.
| According to a magazine. flor every
| man there is a dangerous girl" And to
make matters worse, he's always looking
! for her.
| If England and France ever go to war
with each other, the struggle may be
decided in the air over the English chan
rel.
| The approach of what the topers call
good liquor weather" is expected to in
crease business at the local express Of
fees.
I'VE shook hands just like gentlemen
would shake hands," said Professor Taft.
But neither he nor the colonel beamed
Il X II
Mr.. Wilson is reported to have a black
| cat for mascot. That won't tighten the
labors of Chairman Mccormick
If Commissioner Barber has his way,
Birmingham firemen will soon be knitting
socks for soldiers.
| Rather hard on the guardsmen, but
Uncle Sam is right in putting duty to
country first.
| LUKE MLUKE SAYS
! Every time we hear a big-mouthed guy
| telling all about the campaign the Roosh-
ians are making at Sourduck Pass we
! have to agree with Sherman that Wrisell.
When man does get the praying habit,
he expects the Lord to see to it that he
gets a raise in salary and that he wins
his bets and taht is won't rain when he
hasn't any umbrella.
A 16-year-old girl expects cosmestics to
make complexion for her. But a 60
year-old girl merely expects them to
cover it.
town devil, and cut-up who used to give
the girls baby-blue garters with satin
bows and gilt buckles?
You can't make the office boy believe
that he isn't doing all the work. And
you can't make the second viloinist be-
lieve that he isn't making all the music.
Every mother keeps the first pair of
shoes her baby wore because she realizes
that some day the people who have
charge of the Hall of Fame will send for
them.
When a man can't make a fool of
| himself he can always get some woman
! to do it for him.
! A fellow can spend % years trying to
make a man out of himself. And then
| a doll face and pair of shapely legs
will come along and make a monkey out
i of him in 20 seconds.
| The slender princess of 16 whose moth
er weighs 240 pounds had better be proud
of her willowy figure right now. She
doesn't know what is ahead of her.
| A man doesn't surprise his bachelor
friends as much by getting married as
/ he does by staying married.
And we never heard of idle curiosity
prompting a man to look for work
Some men who talk too much give you
the impression that everything that hap
pened to them happened to them dozen
! times.
Cheer up! Maybe if you did draw a
/ royal flush the other players would be
| looking out Of the window and you
wouldn't get play on it.
! thin man has more luck than fat
! man. You never heard a doctor telling
a fat man that a little beer would be
good for him.
|
A JUDGES HUNT FOR A JOB
! From the New York World.
Challenged to put to the test his state
| nient in court that any man could get