The Glasgow courier., 1916-06-02
WHY IS BASEBALL?

men gamer COReCneT on not 61Ler-
noon and stare for two hours out into
a brilliant, parched, perfectly fiat field
at the gyrations of eighteen full
grown men who allow all their &C.
tions to be governed by the inanimate
flight of small white pellet brutally
assaulted by man with club? Why
are the spectators ever so faithfully
interested in the solving of the same
little problem of the ball that must
90 over the plate and yet not be hit
Why are the players, despite their dis
tended salaries, willing that the fans
should watch them engaged so des-
perately in such childish pastime? :?
What is the charm of baseball that
makes it written, read, and talked
more than any one other topic in
the United States, between the
months of May and October? In the
Los Angeles Times, rs. M. G." en-
deavors to explain the true nature Of
this sport and it's hold on the public
affections, says the Literary Digest.
As we read:
Baseball is contest between sew
eral thousand fans on one side and a
couple of ball teams on the other.
The game is to see which side can
stand the longest what the other is
doing.
The game is played on a large plot
f carefully barbered Bermuda, sur.
rounded by high-board tobacco and
automobile signs.
At one corner of the plot is thick
slice of Roman amphitheater, known
as the grand stand, and equipped with
tunnel trenches, woven-wire entangle-
ments, and war-correspondents.
Ammunition is distributed by hot
dog carrier-system, which gives even
better results than the automatic
powder monkey system of the navy.
A hot dog is tubular section of
calorific canine decorating the interior
of the petals of a split bun.
For those who wish Turkish baths
there are long rows of perspiration
planks on either side of the grand
stand, commonly known as bleachers,
from Latin word meaning ITO bleat." "
The difference between the grand
stand and the bleachers is twenty-five
cents. The principal use of the
bleachers is to make people wish they
'ad spent the other two-bits for a
seat instead of for clean laundry the
next day.
The people who sit in the grand
stand and bleachers are called fans
because they are open and going most
of the time on warm day.
The persons who perform on tn.
Bermuda are called ball-players, but
in many cases the reason for thi!
is not known.
Their part of the game is to try t
smear each other with goose-eggs
the team smelling the strongest o
oose-eggs at tho end Of a certai
number of rounds being declared tn
loser.
! The official sniffer is known as tn
umpire He is man paid to b
without friends, and to make dec
sions that will keep the fans from nc
ticing how hard the seats are.
In most games nowadays two un
pires are used, so that in case on
is killed the game will not be delayed
If the game is not pleasing to tn
fans, they emit grievous lamentation
and issue dogmatic avouchments
the umpire, accompanied by empt
pop p-receptacles.
In case he does so, a goodly del.
cation from the ball-players preser
Immediately waits upon him with al
guments so forcibly presented that h
is often greatly moved by them, som'
times as far as the hospital.
Baseball has much to answer 70
Besides being to blame for sever
million instances of delayed chor'
all over the country each evening b.
cause it gets dark on the pastu
diamond so late this time of the yea
S it is the cause of the funerals
more grandmothers of Office boys tn:
? any other one disease.
: But on the other hand, it is go<
for the circulation, not only of tho
: who go to see the game but of Il
? newspapers that give it two pages