davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1916-11-30

/<V SEE where the president of the
Airy-o Club of America has got
a new plan to encourage young
rellers to learn how to fly" said Louis
Birsky the real estater as he laid down
the morning paper in Wasserbauer's
Restaurant.
"What was the old plan?" Barnet
zapp the waist manufacturer asked.
WELL" Birsky replied, 81 suppose
he took the young Teller to one side
and said: Listen, be a sport. You
got to die some time, and a long, *
pensive sickness amt so pleasant
neither. Get it over quick. Learn to
ay.'"
And naturally the young Teller
wasn't encouraged" Barnet Zapp sug-
gested.
Naturally" Birsky said. $50 now
the president of the Airy-o Club says:
Looky here, why don't you learn it
flying in an airy-oplane and after you
graduate l would get you and two
thousand of your classmates to fly
from here to San Francisco, and who
arrives first gets $20,000?"
"Aber s~upposing the Teller don't ar
rive first?' Zapp inquired.
"Then that's his funeral" Blrsky
said.
"Well then where does the encour-
agement come in?" Zapp commented.
Furthermore, Birsky, this here pres
ident of the Airy-o Club of America
has got it wrong. The thing to do is
not to encourage young fellers to learn
1t flying in an airy-oplane but to DIS
courage EN-"
"Well, what he said in the first
place didn't sound so encouraging to
me-" Birsky said.
"What he said was all right" Zapp
admitted, 'but he didn't lay no pipes
for it. For instance, if l would be the
president of the Airy-o Club of Amer
lea and / wanted a young Teller he
should be an a%iry-onaut, understand,
| would find out where the young fell
Ter is working and get him fired.
would then fix things so that the girl
he is going to marry wouldn't got
nothing to do with him no more.
H'afterwards | would use all this as
evidence why his father should throw
him out of the house, and when l got
the young Teller absolutely in despair,
understand, l would lay for him at
the drug store and just when he is
going to buy the poison he is figuring
on taking, l would say to him: Lis.
ten,-since the wal has stopped Ger
many shipping drugs to America, you
couldn't rely on poisons no more
Save your money and try something
certain. Learn to fly"
"Aber not considering the funny
side of this thing, Zapp, why is it we
amt got more as m ~airy-oplane fiyel
to Europe's twenty? Birsky asked.
"It's a question from etiquette
Zapp replied. "Over in Europe if @
young Teller has got a father with @
rating anywheres about d to f credit
fair, for such a young Teller to worB
for a living is considered like eating
with his knife or wearing tan shoes
with a full dress suit. So what is &
Teller like that to do? Cards he soor
gets tired of, because you've got tc
bse your head to play cards, and il
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1916-11-30

ployment to thousands Of operators y
understand, they got over in Europe
a son of a millionaire who is learning
TO fly in an airy-oplane and has work
ing for him steady two mechanics, a
surgeon and a trained nurse.
"WeIl, you couldn't blame such a
young Teller in especially if he is
going out a good deal into society,""
Birsky said. THE fact that a Teller
is learning to fly in an airy-oplane
and so to speak could never tell which
moment is going to be his next, Zapp,
makes him in a way very interesting
to meet, especially for ladies, Zapp,
which they could say h'afterwards /:
Only yesterday he was talking to me
the same like you are now Also an
airy-oplane flyer has got a tropic of
conversation more attractive to ladies',
Zapp, which l don't care how good
looking q young American millionaire
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1916-11-30
II HELPS.

1t is told of Doctor Johnson that, in
the course of his last illness, when he
could not open his letters, he asked
Boswell to read them for him. Bos-
well opened a letter from some person
in the north of England-of a compli-
mentary kind, and thinking it would
fatigue Doctor Johnson to have it
read aloud, merely observed that it
was highly in his praise. Doctor John
son at once desired It to be read to
him, and said with great earnestness.
"The applause of a single human be-
ing is of great consequence"
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1916-11-30
PUT BUSINESS LESSON FIRST
Youngster Had Excellent Defense
When Hauled Before the Parental
Tribunal for Fighting.

my SON"
eyes, pop"
"Do you remember what your
Sunday school teacher told you about
fighting?"
"Yes, sir"
"Then why did you strike that Hem
mandhaw boy with your fist?"
"He struck me first"
"But what about your Sunday school
lesson?"
Il thought about your lesson first"
"What lesson?"
"Your business lesson?"
Il am afraid l do not know what
you mean"
"You told me always to do every
thing in a strictly business way"
yes"
swell, when he delivered a wallop
on my nose l just had to give him a
receipt. "-Youngstown Telegram.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1916-11-30
BED, ROUGH, PIMPLY SKIN
Quickly Cleared by cuticura Soap and
Ointment. Trial Free.

You may rely on these fragrant,
super-creamy emollients to care for
your skin, scalp, hair and hands. Moth.
ing better to clear the skin of pimples,
blotches, redness and roughness, the
scalp of dandruff and itching and the
hands of chapping and soreness.
Free sample each by mail with Book.
Address postcard, Cuticura, Dept. L,
Boston. Sold everywhere.-Adv.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1916-11-30
MEAN TRICK HARD TO BEAT
According to Fat Plumber, He Wit
messed Action That Would Seem
to Be the Limit.

Il have spotted another 'meanest
man."
1t was the fat plumber who spoke.
who is it this timer" the thin a r
penter asked.
"Umson."
whats Unison been doing?"
HE took me to dinner with him in
q swell hotel the other evening"
"Do you call that mean?"
"No, but listen"
u am listening"
when we had finished he took a
small piece of tinfoil that had covered
a little square of cheese"
"Uh huh"
placed it on a silver dollar to get
a perfect Impression"
"Yes-"
Sand then left the impression on
his plate so the waiter would think
he was getting a fine tip."-Youngs-
town Telegram.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1916-11-30
Protection purIna rhunderstorm.

In the event Of a lightning stroke on
an unprotected building there Is con-
siderable danger to life, but there is
no doubt that an unprotected house is
preferable to the open, under trees, or
in unprotected outbulldings. AS shown
when a stroke falls on an unprotected
house sh~eltering a family Of the aver
age number of persons, the minimum
chances Of escape are a5 In 100. In
all probability, however, the chances
Of escape are much greater than thia.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1916-11-30
The Secret Out

The widOwer and the ex-widOwer
Glanced 20 meet in a downtown wet
goods emporium.
"You seem to be remarkably happy
since you married the second time"
remarked the widOwer. whats the
explanatiOn?"
my wife is a firm believer in fairy
stories. Seer rejoined the ex-wid-
over.
And rs the seeing was good, the 9TH
er looked through the bottom of his
glass and saw clearly.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1916-11-30
Was Looking for the Cash.

Mary's mother found her busily en-
gagged in cutting up potatoes. why,
Mary" said the astonished mother,
what are you doing that for?"
Pausing a moment in her task, Mary
looked up and replied: Il heard the
man yer at the store say that there
was money in potatoes this year, nam
ma, and I was just looking for some
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1916-11-30
He Knew,

Little Edward was listening careful
ly to the conversation Of his elders,
puzzled owe the many long words he
did not understand, when he heard
his grandfather call a certain person
an optimist. Edward frightened.
ooh" cried he, II know what that
isl"
well, Edward" said his GRANDPA
ther, what, then, is an optimism
"WhN" said Edward, "the man who
fits you with spectacles!"
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1916-11-30
POSTPONED,

Little Dorothy's mother had spoken
to her several times about teasing the
cat, whose name was Teddy.
Finally she said, Dorothy, I want
you to leave that poor cat alone, and
I am not going to speak about it again
tonight"
Dorothy looked around at the cat
and said, threateningly, "All right, Mr.,
Teddy-cat, but you'll catch it tomor-
Home Companion.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1916-11-30
Same Principle.

Willis-What system do these mill
tary airplanes work on?
Gillis-0ne person runs the machine
and the other is just an observer, but
both of them fight.
Willis-I see; just like being mar
ried.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1916-11-30
DRUGGISTS HIGHLY RECOMMEND
DR.. KILMER'S SWAMP ROOT
Satisfied With Results

1 have been selling DR.. Kilmer's
Swamp-Root for six and one-half years
and my customers are always satisfied
with the results obtained from the use
Of the medicine and speak favorabIy re-
rgsrding it. l have used it for pain in
the back" and a bottle or two put me in
good shape and made me feel fine again.
l believe DR.. Kilmer's Swamp-Root viii
cure any cases for which it is recommend
ed if they are not of too long standing.
Very truly yours,
FRANK JENKINS, Druggist.
Pilgrim, Texas.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1916-11-30
Eccentricity.

Charley, dear" said young Mrs.
Torkins, did you make one of those
freakish election bets?"
mo. l simply bet $50 and lost it,
'That was worse than freakish,
Charles. That was foolish"
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1916-11-30
Customers Speak FavOrabIy

We have been handling DR.. Kilmer's
Swamp-Rcot for fourteen years and dur
ing all that time we never had a dis
satisfied user Of DR.. Kilmer's Swamp
Root; all of our customers speak very
favorably regarding it. We know of
cases of Gall Stones, Gravel, Catarrh or
Inflammation of Bladder and Rheuma-
tism where it produced the most benef.
eial results. We believe it is a good
medicine for the diseases for which it il
intended.
Very truly yours,
McCUNE DRUG CO.,
By N. E. McCune,
Bridgeport, Texas.
November 18th. 1915.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1916-11-30
Odious Comparison.

Il have seen potatoes worth their
weight in gold" said the man from the
Klondike.
1.-THE idea," exclaimed Miss Cayenne,
"of comparing anything so precious as
a potato to mere jewelry."
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1916-11-30
To Drive Out Malaria
And Build Tn The system

Take the Old Standard GROVES
TASTELESS chill TONIC. You know
what you are taking. as the formula is
printed IN every label, showing it is
Quinine and Iron in a t~asteless form. The
Quinine drives out malaria. the Iron
builds up the system. so cents.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1916-11-30

Pecan ST., Cal5ondaie, Ill.
This herbal tonic for women Rss
made up in liquid or tablet fornz. zzdR
can be obtained in any drug store i'm
the United States. 1t contains ne sz
cohol or narcotic. and Its ingredieuaup
are printed ON the label. Purely N
herbal tonic derived from roots ann
herbs--Adv.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1916-11-30
COVETED Bv ALL

but possessed by few-a beautiful
head Of hair. If yours is streaked with
gray, Oh is harsh and stiff, you can re-
store it to its former beauty and LUIS.
ter by using La Creole" Hair Dress
Ing. Price $1.00.-Adv.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1916-11-30

SOAP is STRONGLY ALKALINE
and constant use will burn out the
scalp. Cleanse the scalp by shampoo
ing with La Creole" Hair Dressing,
and darken, in the natural way, those
ugly, grizzly hairs. Price. $1.00.-AdV.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1916-11-30
W. N. u, ST. LOUIS, NO. 4s-1qfe1
A BOON TO WOMANKIND.
c%arbondaie, MI consider Dr


Pierce's Faymlp1.
Prescriptions Ia
great boon tn
womankind ftss
female w~eaknesB
and constipatRsHl
also for innaTEEEsn-
ton Of the hlaH
der and orEaz1
for which I hnBH.
been greatly barn
efted."-MR& X
~. MILLER slzS
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1916-11-30
Prove What swamp-Root Will Do For You
November 18th, 1915.

Send ten cents to DR.. Knner & Co., Binghamton, N. Y, for a sample size bottle
It will convince anyone. You will also receive a booklet of valuable information,
telling about the kidneys and bladder. When writing, be sure and mention this paper
Regular 6hycent and onedonar sIeb bottles for sale at all drug stores.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1916-11-30

Of Course, he Believed 1t.
do you believe chat awful story
they're telling, PierceT
"YeS, what Is it?"-Eyerybody's.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1916-11-30

The letters e. p. n. S. on silver
plated teapots mean 'electro-plate or
nickel-silver."
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1916-11-30

WoMAN'S GROWING GLORY
lie her hair. II yours is streaked with
ugly, grizzly, gray hairs, 8 La Gre
ole" Hair Dressing and change 1t in
the natural way. Price $1.00.-Adv.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1916-11-30
In a Dilemma.

"Dear mel"
"Huh p
"Baby's rich uncle wants to kiss him,
and here had just got the child nice
ly sterilized City Journal.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1916-11-30

THIS is THE AGE OF YOUTH.
You will look ten years younger if you
darken your ugly grizzly, gray hairs by
using La Creole" Hair Dressing ADV.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1916-11-30

Only a Goat Could Do It.
First Goat-How did you get rich?
Second Goat-Saving hat checks by
rating my hal.
The Farmington times. (Farmington, St. Francois County, Mo.) 1905-1926, 1916-07-28
James w. McLane

James w. McLane, at the ripe age
of "a, died at his home mile and a
half north of Oak Ridge last Sunday
night of a general breakdown due to
old age.
Mr.. McLane was much respected
citizen and highly esteemed by his
neighbors and acquaintance. He was
born in Cape Girardeau county March
rs, 1880, son of Judge Joseph R..
McLane and wife, both natives of
North Carolina.
In 1850 he went to California by the
overland route, making the trip from
the Missouri River in ninety days. He
'eturned in July, 1854, and bought an
interest in store in Bollinger county,
He sold this five years later and made
4 trip to Pixies Peak.
He was married in 1862 to Miss RAJ
rhael Johnson. Mr.. McLane is sur
lived by his wife and three children
Ora j., an attorney in st. Louis; Mrs,
w. G.. Wilson Of Burfordsville, and
Mrs. e. w. Harris of Daisy.-Jackson
Cash Book.
The Farmington times. (Farmington, St. Francois County, Mo.) 1905-1926, 1916-07-28
Cornelius Hunt

On last Saturday night about II
o'clock Cornelius Hunt passed away
N this city at the home of his son-in-
law, Chas. F. Burgert, at the age of
80 years and 10 months. The cause
IF his death was dropsy.
The deceased was born in Haslach,
Baden. Germany, on Sept. Is, 1892,
and when grown to young manhood
ne came to America and settled at
Harrisburg, Indiana. where few years
later he was Joined in marriage with
Miss Francis Habig on Oct. 81, 1865.
In 1866 Mr.. Hunt and his young
wife left Harrisburg, Ind, and came
to Perryville. where he spent the re-
mainder of his life, with the excep-
ton of the last two years he had made
his home with his son-in-law, Mr.
Burgert, of near Serene. He was a
cooper by trade and worked at it for
a number of years here at the Perry
vile mill
Mr.. Hunt served three years in the
Union Army during the Civil war, and
took part in some of the biggest bait
ties of that bloody confiict.-Perry-
Vile Sun.
The Farmington times. (Farmington, St. Francois County, Mo.) 1905-1926, 1916-07-28

Judge ]. H. Doris, former prosecut-
ing attorney of Cape Girardeau coun-
ty. was buried in Padukah, KY, Sun
day. He was taken i'll while at the
home of his son, George, in that city
on Saturday, of Bright's disease, from
which he had been suffering for some
time. A month ago Judge Doris left
for Kentucky in the hope of regaining
his health.
The Judge came to Cape county in
1908 from Shannon county and engag-
ed in law practice. He served one
term as prosecuting attorney, being
elected by the Republicans. For the
past year his health had failed, with
the above result.
He is survived by his wife and five
sone-M. L. of Eminence, George of
Padukah, Roscoe of the army, and
Seth and Houston of Springfield
jackson Cash Book.
The Farmington times. (Farmington, St. Francois County, Mo.) 1905-1926, 1916-07-28
Federal Rural Credit Law Made Clear

are granted charter authorizing the
association to receive from said Fed
eral land bank sums of money TO be
loaned to its members.
When a borrower wishes to obtain
money he becomes a member of a
national farm loan association and
makes application to the secretary
treasurer, who submits this applica
ton to the local loan committee. The
application must be accompanied by
an agreement to take per cent of the
amount of the loan in stock in the
Federal land bank of the district.
When the loan is approved, as provid-
ed by law, the applicant becomes a
member of the National Farm Loan
Association and obtains his loan from
the Federal land bank
While the applicant who may have
property sufficient to entitle him to a
$1,000 loan actually gets, in cash in
hand, but $3.50 $3.50 being invested ir
stock of the Federal land banl5) he is
entitled to all the profits made on the
stock. Furthermore, when the loan
is paid off he is credited with the $50
worth Of stock, and it is then caneell-
cd.
In addition to the purchase Of the
$50 worth of stock, the applicant TO
1000 signs an agreement guarantee.
ing a liability to the extent Of 10 pc
cent, or twice the amount of the stock.
When the borrowers loan has been
! liquidated his stock is cancelled and
the agreement is at an end.
The borrower regulates the period
of time for the loan to run-from
to 40 years. Suppose the loan is for
$1,000 to run 20 years at 6 per cent
to be paid on the amortization plan
which is an annual payment consist.
ing of part of the principal and in
terest. By making the total annual
payment of $87.19 for 20 years, OF
$1,743.54 all told, the interest would
be kept up and the principal wiped
out. AS the calculation of principal
and interest on $1,000 for 20 years at
6 per cent totals $4,000, the saving
on $1,000 loan through the amortiza-
ton plan is 1864.
If it is possible to make the interest
as low as 5 per cent an annual pay
ment of 5000 for 20 years Ga total
of S1,604.8O) will care for the inter
est and pay off the principal on a
$1,000 loan
The act provides that the Federal
land bank, the mortgage and bonds
issued by it, are exempt from Federal
State and municipal taxation. This
exemption will save to the owners of
the bank, who are the borrowers, con-
siderable amounts. Not only is the
loan plan as safe as is the govern
ment of the United States, but provis-
ion has been made in the event of
disaster to the farmers in any section
of the country. Should widespread
drouth or other disaster come, max
ing it impossible for the borrowers
temporarily to meet their obligations,
the government is authorized TO de-
post in each land bank as much as
100000 to enable the borrower TO
meet the interest on the bonds. Thus
is the borrower assured that under
such circumstances he will not be
closed out and his farm taken from
him
The Farmington times. (Farmington, St. Francois County, Mo.) 1905-1926, 1916-07-28

There is more Catarrh in this section of
the country than all other diseases put
together, and until the last few years
was supposed to be incurable. For a
great many years doctors pronounced 1t a
local disease and prescribed local RENEE
dies, and by constantly failing to cure
with local treatment, pronounced 1t incur
able. Science has proven Catarrh to be
constitutional disease. and therefore re-
quires constitutional treatment. Halls
Catarrh Cure, manufactured by +. j.
Cheney & Co, Toledo, Ohio, is the only
Constitutional cure on the market. IL Is
taken Internally 1t acts directly on the
blood and mucous surfaces of the system
They offer one hundred dollGrs for any
case 1t fails to cure. Send for circulars
and testimonials.
Address: f. j. CHENEY & CO. Toledo. O.
Sold by Druggists 75c
Take Halls Family Pills for constipation.
The Farmington times. (Farmington, St. Francois County, Mo.) 1905-1926, 1916-07-28
Mrs. 9. V. Z. Hochslatter

Mrs. Julia NJ. Hochslatter, beloved
wife of Mr.. G. V. F. Hochslatter, died
at her home near Potosi, Mo-, Monday
evening, July II, 1916, aged 76 years,
II months and 16 days.
Mrs. Hochslatter is survived by her
husband; two daughters, Mrs. Julia
Zig of Armstrong, Colo, and Mrs. Ida
Hence of Tommy Town, Ark; three
sons, Albert, Rudolph and John Hoch-
slater. The remains were inferred in
the family burying lot in the Hopewell
cemetery.
The Farmington times. (Farmington, St. Francois County, Mo.) 1905-1926, 1916-07-28
WRITE FOR POSTERS
ON HESSTAN FLY

The Missouri College of Agriculture
is calling for ten thousand volunteers
who will each take fifteen minutes Of
his time to post two or three Hessian
fly posters in prominent places where
farmers will see and read them.
Hessian fly is one of the farm pests
that can be put out of business in one
season and kept out of business for all
time. It's up to the wheat raiser. If
you're his friend here's chance to
help him. The poster tells how to
conduct wholesale Hessian fly fun
eral. ts
The Farmington times. (Farmington, St. Francois County, Mo.) 1905-1926, 1916-07-28
Henry Kutz, Sr.

Henry Kutz, Sr.. who was taken to
the hospital for the feebleminded at
Pennington last spring, died Friday,
July 14th, at the age of 70 years and
7 days.
Mr.. Kutz was born in Germany on
the 7th day of July, 1846, and came
to this country with his brother, Nor
itz, in the year 1872. locating near
Millheim.- Perryville Sun.
The Farmington times. (Farmington, St. Francois County, Mo.) 1905-1926, 1916-07-28
oran Merchant KiIIed BY Train

Peter Dirnberger, a former mer-
chant at Gran, was killed last Friday
night, when a Frisco train ran over
his body, cutting it in two. The body
was found mile and half below
Oran, where Dirnburger had evidently
fallen asleep across the rails. He was
walking from Brooks junction to
Oran. He was storekeeper and
Postmaster at Risco, small town be-
low Brooks Junction. He had re-
Gently filed petition in bankruptcy,
and was practically without money
Jackson Cash Book.
The Farmington times. (Farmington, St. Francois County, Mo.) 1905-1926, 1916-07-28
DEATHS OF PROMINENT
AND AGED S. e. PEOPLE
William Ross

William Ross was born on Cane
Creek, Wayne county, Mo-, February
%, 1871, and died in the Missouri Pa
cifc Hospital, st. Louis, July II, 1916,
in his seventy-sixth year. He mar
ried Mary Jane Kidd July 10, 1860,
who preceded him to the better land
by more than a year. He leaves only
one daughter and nine grandchildren
five living in DeSoto and four in st.
Louis. There are six great-grand-
children. For years he was a member
of the First Baptist Church Of DeSoto.
Services were held Wednesday after
noon at the home of his daughter, Mrs
Tracey, by Rev. w. J. Heys, and in
terment took place at the city GENE
tery.-DeSoto Press.
The Farmington times. (Farmington, St. Francois County, Mo.) 1905-1926, 1916-07-28
Mrs. Mary OperIe

Died, at her home in Ste. Genevieve,
at 2:55 o'clock p. m. Friday, July IA,
1916, after a lingering illness, Mrs.
Mary Operle, relict of the late Fred
erick Operle, at the age Of SO years,
one month and % days. Interment
took place in the Vale Spring ceme-
terry on Sunday afternoon, after serv-
ices in the Catholic church.-Ste. Gem
eyieye Herald.