The Topeka state journal., 1916-11-18
Longs To Be Where Pure Amer.
lean Is Spoken.
REGISTER At POLICE STATION
Must Obey English Rules or Be
SHad Up"
Lady's Carriers Are Suspendera
i'm London Town.
BIZ MARGARET MASON.


The Argentines speak Spanish tongus
Brazilians Portuguese,
And after several weeks or 50
l got quite tired OF these
1 longed to get to London town
Where English she Is spoke
And folks would "savyy5 ,,a all ! said
klasr am in London town.
But 1 don't Comprehend their talk
And they don't understAne-
I vopId I were in old New York
Where every child and man 90 t.s
Knows how and when and Wnere 70 I'm
Good straight American
London. Nov. (by maiD.--Ws
Americans really ought 70 learn three
foreign languages, French, Spanish
and English. OF course, in other
countries it helps a bit when you don {
sneak the native tongue 20 gesucu-.
late wildly and talk with your nanas-
You can't hand out anything ike TINS
in London tho and get away with IL
Indeed your handy EFFORTS aions NnSse
lines are rather footless-
After several desperate attempts at
telephone conversations Wnen tneS
greet you with, Are you there? you
have a weak sort of feeling that per
haus YOU aren't all there after ALL
The other day I went out shoppfne-
To explore the secrets of the nome.
here is what wanted to get A pad
to put under a table cloth tyou know,
we call them silence cloths PACK N
Lawrence, Kan-), yard of chttron,
pair of garters. a pair of dress shields.
a half yard of white oilcloth and
spool of thread
At tea time 1 returned wild-eyed
but triumphant with a bump sheet
ward of ninon. five yards of butter
cloth, a costume. some patterns for an
evening gown. a pair of suspenders, a
pair of preservers, a half yard OF
American cloth, reel of cotton Real
Iy, wasn't it enough to make me reel
| Lard Comes in Bladder.
Perhaps you think you know slice
of ham when you see one, perhaps you
are reasonably sure you know slice
/ of ham when you taste one All. yes-
but nothing could be rasher than for
/ you to insist that you know slice Of
/ ham when you hear one in London.
4 town except that little old -4rasher of
7 CANNON itself Now the next time
YOU hear anyone say Cannon and
/ spinach you'll know that they're
swearing by ham When you want a.
pound of lard you get a bladder OF
lard. for this commodity comes all
! neatly packed away in different sized
bl4dders. You get tin of tomatoes
/ for can of tomatoes and If you have
a. cough you get a mixture filled at
I the chemists. not a prescription
Her lemon squash, the duchess sat
indiffeFently slipping until she'd used
the muffineer and then she found it
ripping. Which translated means thai
( the duchess found her lemonade toe
/ sour she used the sugar shaker
freely. Evidently the duchess pos
sessed the true English figure and
} didn't have to cut the Sweets" which.
! by the way, is what all candy and bon
bons are dubbed over here.
( Because of war conditions. police
regulations are very strict here now
and aliens are required to register at
! the police station within twenty-fopr
hours after they hit the town. If you
should change your hotel during your
stay you must needs notify the po-
lice and register all over again. CIV
ing your new address With the dire
threat of being had up" If didn't
! do it you may be sure I hustled to
Bow street, awful visions of being hung
up by the thumbs or other elevating
thoughts whirling in my brain. Yet
had up" is merely Londonese for
'-pinched-"
Said his Iordship to me, said he, All
my good men have gone to the 'front.'
so only have an old crock for a Sec
retary at present" Now I had heard
of dish-faced stenographers. but
Looking into my trusty EngIisf-
American dictionary. found-"Crock
Broken down horse. old hack''-end
there you are.
Oh. it is all very well that the child
and the papers are in London but
take 1t from me 'twere better to have
an English-American dictionary there
too