The Ely miner., 1916-12-15

~
Barnett Zapp the waist manu-
facturer said as he withdrew
from his breast pocket a long brown
envelope containing his income tax re-
turn, that 6.31416 per cent of the peO-
pie of the United States must got to
pay income tax, and $3.50 per cent OF
the remainder says to them: You
should ought to be glad that you've got
an income big enough to pay taxes on.
So l might just as well let you know
right here and now, Birsky, that the
next feller which says that to me
would find out how man who could
be perfect gentleman when he wants
to be could also act like lOafer at
times"
Say" Louis Birsky the real estater
protested, 81 got one of them income
tax returns myself for over month
cow, Zapp, and / tried phenacetin and
| tried strong coffee, and all I've filled
put so far is my name and address"
"Well don't you know: Were you
single or married with wife or hus-
band living with you ON December 81
of the year for which this return Is
rendered." said Zapp, quoting from
the blank.
Birsky nodded his head despairingly.
Mind you, Zapp, begged that wom-
an she should stay home and tend to
the house." he declared with bitter
emphasis on the word begged, 'but she
said it was the last chance she would
got to see her sister and brother-in-law
in Rochester before they moved away
to San Francisco, Gott sci dank so she
left here at o'clock December 80, and
didn't get home till January f."
"Well put it in anyway that she was
living with you on December 31st,"
Zapp advised. 'How should they
know that your wife was visiting her
sister in Rochester OIL that day?"
Listen, Zapp," Birsky said, "a real
estater is got a whole lot of enemies
brokers he done out of commissions,
tenants he dispossessed and fellers
which think he stuck 'em on certain
deals, y'understand, and all of them
fellers would be only too glad to write
to the Income Tax people a synony-
nous letter NIT an alias name signed
t. 1t, that my wife was In Rochester
on December 31st, and the consequence
is to save $40 note, am running
chance of getting from twenty to a
thousand dollars fine."
"'Then l suppose you would also put
in that $75.25 which you were telling
n you made last September in Trape-
zoid Fillum Preferred" Zapp said.
Birsky turned pale.
II told you / made $75.25 in that FIJI
lum stock?" he exclaimed. "When did
told you such thing? I'm surprised
tO hear you talk that way, Zapp."
"What do you mean-surprised to
hear me talk that way?" Zapp retort-
ed. "When / got stung on that Inter-
national Chocolate and Cocoa common
last September, Birsky, didn't you call
me all kinds of suckers for putting MY
good ninety dollars into that thing, and
didn't you show m. check from one
of them quacks which call themselves
curb workers for $75.25"
81 showed you q check for 1882"
Birsky cried. 'That only goes to show
what for friend YOU are, Zapp! In
the first place, the check was for
S6S.25, and In the second place when I
tell you something in the strictest con-
fidence, Zapp, do you think you are
acting like a gentleman that you throw
1t up in my teeth at time like this?"
Zapp shrugged his shoulders.
"For my part, Birsky, you could of
made $685." he said, "and entered 1t
up as NO. 80, losses actually sustained