The Washington herald., 1916-12-17
Mark Twain Also Tried
Ito Stop a Talkative
Barber-It Can't
Be Done.
God Knows Where.


One evening a few years ago Brander
Matthews and Francis Wilson were din
ing together at the Players Club, OF
New York, when the former made the
suggestion that they write q letter to
MHrk Twain. But" objected Mr.. VIII
sdn. I'VE don't know where he is,'' for 1t
was at time when Mr.. Clemens was
away travelling somewhere. oh" said
Prof. Matthews, that does not make
any difference. 1t Is sure to find him. I
think he is some place in Europe, so we
had better put on a scent stamp" So
the two sat down and composed a letter
which they addressed to
MARK TWAIN.
God Knows Where.
Do due time they received a reply from
30. Clemens which said briefly, He
dressed, The Devil Knows Where, I"
which also reached him, and he answer
ed, He did. too
How They Start.
II is said that the first paragraph Mark
Twain wrote when he began his editorial
duties with the Virginia City Enter
pFise was this:
"A beautiful sunset made Beranger a
Pet. mothers kiss made Benjamin
west an artist, and SIS a week makes US
journalist"
Mark Twain Drolleries.
Some maxims of "Pudd' nhead Wilson, 1"
that later creation OF Mark Twain's hu-
morous fancy. deserve immortality For
qaaint association Of incongruous ideas
a1d shrewd insight into weak human ma
ture, they are unique. For example:
THE holy passion Of friendship Is Of
So sweet and steady and loyal and en-
during a nature that II will last through
lifetime. IL not asked to lend money"
e Classic A book which people praise
and don't read" THE man with a new
idea is a crank until the idea succeeds"
The truth is stranger than action, but
IL Is because fiction is obliged to stick to
possibilities: truth isn't"
Few things are harder to put up with
than the annoyance OF a good example"
1T were not best that we should all
think alike: IT is difference Of opinion that
makes horse races"
The English are mentioned in the BIZ
BILE: Blessed are the meek, for they
shall inherit the earth.'"
April l. This is the day which we
are reminded of what We are on the other
81"
why is it that We rejoice at a birth
and grieye at a funeral? 1t is because
We are not the person involved"
"CaulinOwer is nothing but cabbage
with a college education"
"hen IN DOUBT, tell the truth.
The Original Barber Story.
One day Mark Twain was being shaved
by very talkative barber and was forced
10 listen to many OF the barber's anec-
dotes
Stopping to strop his razor, ana pre-
pared. brush in hand. to commence again,
the barber said: Shall l go over 1t
again.
mo. thanks" drawled Mark. Its
hardly necessary. 1 think l can remem-
Der every word
Doing Things Wrong.
In bachelor days Mark Twain had
heartily expressed the antipathy of bach
elordom for all chambermaids because OF
their hostile ideas of tidiness.
They always put the pillow on the
opposite end of the bed from the gas
burner" he wrote. 80 that while you
read and smoke before sleeping, as Is the
ancient and honorable custom of bach
elors. you have to hold your book aloft.
In an uncomfortable position to keep the
light from dazzling your eyes. If they
Cannot get the light in an inconvenient
position any other way. they move the
bed. They always put your books into
inaccessible places. They always put the
matchbox In some other place. They
hunt up a new place for 1t every day,
and put up a bottle or other perishable
glass things where the box stood before
This is to cause you to break that glass
thing. They always save up all the old
scraps of printed rubbish You have