The Bridgeport evening farmer. [volume] (Bridgeport, Conn.) 1866-1917, 1916-12-11

BRYAN-Well, Teddy, what is the
difference?
T. R.-You intend to make the
Democratic party dry and I have
made the Republican party sweat
When T. R. and Bryan had been
ordered out of the booking Office,
! Senator Lewis, of Illinois, whip of the
Senate, appeared and recited az long
series of verses, of which the follow
| ing are typical
Who guides unruly Senate bucks,
And keeps the party on it's trucks
Who is, in short, the whip de luxe?
Jim Ham.
Who followed Hughes upon the trail,
And tied tin can to his tail;
And put the "din'' in dinner pail?
Jim Ham.
Who is the White House blushing
pet,
The truly, only, one best bet,
OF the Democratic smartest set?
Jim Ham.
Col. George Harvey, who predict
ed the election of Hughes by large
majority, next appeared and was
chided by the vaudeville agent. Har-
vey said he was a lightning calcula-
tor, and that he had predicted the
first nomination and election of a
certain professor in New Jersey"
HARVEY-Moreove four years
ago, I calculated exactly what cleo
toral votes each Of the three candi--
dates would have.
AGENT-Wonderfu you
done any of the same kind Of cal
culating lately?
(truculently) If you
are going to be personal I'll not stay
here and stand for it. I don't think
want a job from YOU, anyway. The
North American Review is good
enough vaudeville for me; Good
Day!
Another travesty entitled the
"Ghost Skit'' was cast in "Spook
Court with a Court sitting in judg-
ment on the astral spirits of aspirants
for positions in the new Cabinet.
Redfield, Henry Ford, Postmaster
General Burleson, Col. House, Secre-
tary Tumulty, Vance Mccormick,
State Department and others appear.
ed, all to be rejected by the judges.
.ANNOUNCER-The spirit Of Jo-
seph p Tumulty, Secretary to the
President.
CHIEF JUDGE-When did you &C
quirey an astral body, Mr.. Tumulty?
TUMULTY-About week before
CHIEF JUDGE-You mean you
want to hold your present job with
your physical body and get into the
cabinet with your astral body?
.TUMULTY-Gui1ty, Judge.
CHIEF JUDGE-Suppose the Cab
met job only pays an astral salary?
TUMULTY-Then hand it to some
body else. Both my astral body and
myself are practical men.
The spirit of Secretary of War
Baker next appeared.
ANNOUNCERs-Mer Its, the
hero Of Valley Forge-the Hon. New
ton D. Baker.
CHIEF Misunderstanding, Mr.
Baker, in the name of George Wash
ington and his army. What news
from the border.
BAKER-Aw, forget that. The
election is over.
CHIEF JUDGE What! No more
plots? Then what do you want?
BAKER, want a job on the Su-
preme Court; I'm from Ohio.
| NI11EC JOOdE---OulO was not
close enough, Mr.. Baker. What else ?
BAKER-Then I'll stay where I
am. I won't resign.
CHIEF JUDGE-Does the Presi-
dent know that?
BAKER-Sh-h. Right under your
belt, I'm afraid not.
CHIEF JUDGE-Why don't you
tell him?
BAKER-No; you tell him. Be a
nice judge and tell him. But don't
say it came from me. You know he
just might -
CHIEF JUDGE know. He often
does. Stand back Mr.. Baker.
Counsel Polk Of the State Depart
ment appeared in quest of Secretary
Lansing's job.
CHIEF JUDGE-Why even Bryan
couldn't hold that.
POLK-I know: but they gave him
the Hiram Johnson
CHIEF JUDGE-What's the
Hiram johnson?
POLK-Ask Hughes.
CHIEF JUDGE-We can't find
him.
POLK-wELL,f it's a lemon grown
in California.
Another sketch was travesty on
the special train load of Eastern wo-
men who campaigned in the West for
Hughes. The scene was laid in Kid
derville, Kansas, where the Million
aire special arrived amid town off,
Gals, townsmen and native women.
The snffragists aroused the jealousy
of the native women when the home
men-folk followed the gayly dressed
Fasteners to the train, and one of
the native women, addressing her de-
serted sisters, exclaimed:
FIRST Sovereign wo-
men Of Kidderville: Our men folks
has deserted US to trail after them
stuck up, goggle-eyed, just-fawncey.
shilly-shal1y fumps from the effete
East. Now, my idea is to teach them
a lesson. Let us rise as one man
mean one woman-and show them
weakened men who the real politi
clans are. AS William Allen White
said: 1.-THE hand that churns the but
ter is the hand that rules the world"
Come, on, women; not a man in Kid
derville gets hot meal or clean
shirt until he promises to vote
against the monkey dinner bunch.
When the returns are in you'll find
there amt nothing the matter with
Kansas. Come on. girls!
ADVERTISERS
Boston, Dec. 11-Use of the Amer
lean flag or any other national en-
Diem for advertising purposes was
nd