The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-08-03

A Kansas man predicts that the war will soon end. That's foregone con- clusion, but there are persons in Kansas who think they know more about the needs of the United States navy than all our admirals put together. l MT. Hughes says he is now trying for the third time to live down an "unde- served reputation for coldness and aloof- ness" Voters are assured that they can warm up to- Mir. Hughes without dan ger of frostbite.
 After one gets used to an epidemic, he doesn't mind it much more than French tpeasants do the shells that whistle over their heads while they are working in the fields.
 There are few first class generals in Mexico and swarms of others who think they are first class when they are able to make dozen cut-throats do their bid- ding.
 l General Funston calls newspaper corre- | spondents pests" Since he never ex- | poets to run for office, he can afford to say exactly what he thinks about them | While Uncle Sam will give the flood sufferers seeds to plant he wishes it dis tinctly understood that they will have to harvest the crops themselves. | Ae | The late J. Pierpont Morgan was a re- markable man. He might have died worth billion had he so desired. Yet he left a paltry $s,oooooo. General Funston says the guardsmen | who are complaining are mollycoddles l and sissies. Cruel words. but those chaps don't act like berserkers | There Is no use being discouraged but at their present rate of progress the French and English will be long time in reaching Berlin. | Now that the Deutschland has departed from Baltimore harbor, the only exhibit there worth a second look is an M. & M." steamer.
 The colonel is applauded whenever he appears at a republican gathering, and each new demonstration but reaffirms his forgiveness.
 l The theatrical season will soon be in full swing. Pictures of actors at their summer homes are cluttering up the pub lie prints.
 Mergers are popular these days, states ali observer. However, Villa and Car ranza have not yet seen fit to pool their chances
 Carnival of lying on the border, eh? Just shows what war correspondents will do when there Is no war to write about
 barber has been appointed to execute Sir Roger Easement, strange to say, for l ting
 Although the Kaiser expresses confi- dence in his speeches, the conviction grows that he's shaking in his boots.
 The attitude of the average Gotham ite toward New York is that with all her faults, he loves her still. |
 AMERICANS WEAR THE JEWELS From the New York Herald.
 An incidental indication of the general prosperity of the country is seen in cur net importations of precious stones.
 These are nearly three times as large as year ago. In the Ii months ended June more than s27,ooOOoo worth of dia- monds were brought in. Americans are the buyers and wearers of jewels just now. although our Cuban friends also are doing pretty well. thank you. in consequence of successive big crops of cane and high prices for sugar It is interesting to note that importa- tions of pearls in May exceeded q. .0Oo, ,OO( in value and for Il months more thap $9,OO0,0OO, IS compared with little more than $l,00oO00 for the corresponding period a year ago.
 Evidently our exporters of foodstuffs, copper. steel and munitions are not lend ing the whole of their credit balances tc foreign borrowers and the bejewelled wives of some newly rich Americans will feel next winter that the Queen of Sheba had nothing on them.' PUZZLING From the Cleveland Plain Dealer.
 Another puzzle about Carranza is how a man with such long whiskers can use the typewriter so consistently without getting them tangled up in the keyboard.