The broad ax., 1916-10-14
FINNEGAN'S PHILOSOPHY.
On The Merge Round.

$+++$3+++*$$f
Faith an now Wilson's for pro-
lection. Four year agone he was agin
It, for it was agin the constychooshun.
Now that he Is for it, that immortal
Instrument has also changed Its
mind. He makes me head shwim.
But I've good company. Bryan an
Garrison, the civil service Dimycrats'
and the rale Dimycrats, the Passyhsts
an the vulgar sowls that's none Too
Proud to Fight'-they've all been on
the Merry-go-round. Some iv thin
turned sick
"'God bless ye-ye're a good man,
but We make me dizzy" says Bryan,
leppin' from the Hobby-Horse and rum
MIN for the woods. I've a ginywine
raygrit at losin' ye,' says Wudthrow
THROWN him a Cocked-Hat " the vim
tage Of 1909.
"Here's the Army BILL" says CARR
son. How does It suitT he axes.
Fine says Wudthrow, 'barrtn'
few changes. Yell redraw it, he
says, to provide says he, voluntary
universal service in a Federal Mi
Ilishy,' says he, controlled be the
states says he; an recruited be
spiritual com-pulsion,' says he. 1t
shud be nayther too large nor too
small says he; 'or maybe BOTH he
says; an the ammynition,' says he
must be nayther too much, nor too
little says he. I've to see Hay, be-
fore decide the daytales, for tbs me
Pooty to kape an open mind says
Wudthrow.
"'Stop the music and lave me on,
says Garrison. Are ye crazy or am
II Garrison means, laytn' on his back
an gain wildly at tn sky. God bless
ye,' says wudthrow. I've a near-real
raygrit at losin' you he says. And as
Garrison beats 1t to Jarsey the Merry
go-Round plays a side step.
"'F'what " the Navy says Kitchin.
Tt shud be thur'y adequate ivry-
where says the Great Idaylist, 'ex-
cept In Montany, where we need no
Navy says he, and in st. Louey,
where It shud be the biggest in the
world. Wen be none exthravagant
like thin Republicans says he, so
here's the Dimycrat bill yen pass,
says he.
"'But this same is the Raypubli-
cans BILL says Kitchin starin'. Yell
60 an pass it. says Wudthrow, pound
ing the desk. 'Hooray,' says the black
Republicans votin' for the bill. DO
I dream says Kitchin. If I liver
drank, I'd t'tink 1 was boozed,' says
Kitchin In a thremblin' vice. And he
falls of.
"How about the Army BILL axes
Hay.
Through an instant preparation
for definse must be the wurd,' says
Wudthrow, wild heroic ris'lution In his
eye.
at have here a BILL says Hay, pro-
vidin' for an increase iv five hundther
men a year for twinty year. he says;
an amynishun for six hours acksun,
he says; twill make US safe from
madagascar, measles, muckrakin,;,
milit-rism and marital inf1dility,' he
says, an We'll catch Willy before he
dies av he doant die before we catch
him. says Hay.
embrace me- says Wilson. oh
Hay afther all preparedness is a
matter " the heart an not Of guns
or forts. Did Cleveland ivir give We
q jobr he axes, stoppin' short like
"'Divil a wan says Hay. Thin
says Wudthrow shakin' the both iv
Hays hands cordial like, for yer patri-
otto service in so bravely sipportin'
me policies he says, in. all their
phrases he says; 4 make a judge iv
ye'he,' says he, as well as yer frind
that We put in the JOKER says the
Prisidint. 'Howly Saints says the
preparation S'nitors.
"'Ph-what does this mean at all at
all? they axes, I've the wan thrack
mind says the President, AN We go
all through me train " thought before
ye come to the pork car says he.
Are We on? axes the Apostle iv Com
mon COunsels.
"'We're on says the Sinitors, fall
ing of. An the Merry go-round plays
a Wilson Waltz (Which We know, Jawn.
Is wan step forward, two steps back,
hesitate and sidestep). An Tumulty
goes out to spread the glad tidin's that
the preparation p'rade will be led be
the President in person.
"'How does he save his facer asked
Malumphy.
"'Wid his mouth responded Finne-
gan dryly.