The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-12-10
NED BRACE SENDS ACCOUNT OF GRIDlRON
 CLUBS GREAT POLITICAL CAMPAIGN DINNER

Ford-I want to be Secretary of the Treasury.
 Chief Judge-Why?
 Ford-so I can find out how to mako money.
 Chief Judge-Warden, sweep out the padded cell for MT. Ford.
 Announcer-Ehe spirit of Joseph P. Humility, secretary to the l lsident.
 Chief Judge-When did you acquire an astral body. Mir. Tumulty?
 Tunulty-About a week before election.
 Chief Judge-You mean you want to hold your present job with your physical body and get into the cabinet with your astral body?
 Tumulty--Guilty, judge.
 Chief Judge-suppose the cabinet job only pays an astral salary?
 Tumulty-Then hand it to somebody else. Both my astral body and myself are practical men.
 The spirit of Secretary of War Baker next appeared.
 Announcer-Mercy It's the hero of Valley Forge-the Hon. Newton D. Baker
 Chief Judge-Greetings, Mir. Baker, in the name of George Washington and his army. What news from tho border?
 Baker-Aw, forget that. The election is over.
 Chief Judge-whatl No more plots? Then what do you want?
 Baker-I want job on the supreme court; I'm from Ohio.
 Chief Judge-Ohio was not close enough, MT. Baker What else?
 Balzer-Then I'll stay where I am. 1 won't resign.
 Chief Judge-Does the President know that?
 Baker sh-h. Right under your belt. I'm afraid not.
 Chief Judge-Why don't you tell him?
 Baker--No; you tell him. Be a nice judge and tell him. But don't say it came from me. You know he just might Chief Judge-I know. He often does. Stand back Mr. Baker.
 Counsellor Polk of the state depart ment appeared in quest of Secretary Lansing's job.
 Chief Judge-why. even Bryan couldn't hold that
 Polk-I know; but they gave him the Hiram Johnson.
 Chief Judge-What's the Hiram John son?
 Polk-Asl1 Hughes.
 Chief Judge-We can't find him. Z Polk-Wel, it's lemon, grown in Cal fornia.
 Another sketch was a travesty on the special train load of eastern women who campaigned in the west for Hughes The scene was laid in Kidderville, Kans where the "millionaire special'' arrived amid town officials, townsmen and native women. Tho suffragists aroused the Jeal- ousy of the native women when the home men folk followed the gaily dressed east erners to the train, and one of the native women, addressing her deserted sisters, exclaimed:
 First Woman-Sovereign women of Kid- derville: Our men folk has deserted us to trail after them stuck up, goggle-eyed, just -fawncey, shilly-shally frumps from the effete east. Now, my idea is to teach them a. lesson. Let us rise as one man mean one wonan-and show them weak-kneed men who the real politicians are. As William Allen White said: "The hand that churns the butter Is the hand that rules the world. Come on, women; not man in Kidderville gets hot meal or a clean shirt until he promises to vote against the monkey dinner bunch. When the returns are in you'll find there ain't nothing the matter with Kansas. Come on girls
 Vance Mccormick and William R. Wilcox, chairman of the republican committee met at the dinner for the first time since the presidential cleo ton. They shook hands while the or chestra played the national anthem and lit was announced that they would work for America first" Nearby stood oth- CT democratic and republican campaign leaders. The incident was staged with the settings of prize fight, but after the seconds had been introduced MT. Mccormick and MT Wilcox shook hands.
 Another surprise at the dinner was the unfurling over a balcony of the suffrage banner displayed in the House of Representatives last Tuesday when President Wilson delivered his annual message to Congress The suffragists have been trying to regain possession of the banner which was pulled down by page. It was snatched down again tonight at the dinner. l A,etd3,u