The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1916-09-09
Dolly Hears Mrs. Caudle, Jr., Deliver
Some Very Pointed Curtain Lectures
1.-THE End of the Baseball SEASON.
BY DOLLY DALRYMPLE
nd of the Baseball Season.
III q LII I've got to say to yo'

IHR q LII I've got to say to you,
~ Mr.. caudle' is that wish Ia
q S been born man. What!
You wish so, too. you fiend. That's a
gross insult. oh yes. it is; know an in
suit when I see it. and that is one if
every there was one! You mean sir If
I'd been man you'd never have had to
marry me. That's pretty sentiment,
to be sure, after what I've done for you;
you miserable old bachelor, who longed
for home and children, and II (boo-
hooD- that's all the thanks 1 get for
what I've given up for you.
ITS come to a pretty pass, sir, that
can't even find you during the day at
your office. Now that the baseball sea-
son is over, I've discovered that you were
at the ball park every afternoon. oh,
yes you were; your stenographer told me,
so after weeks of pumping her and try
ing to worm it out of her. And yet you've
come home afternoon after afternoon this
summer, looking like dying calf, per-
spring and hopping your fevered brow
and putting up a pitiful tale about how
hard worked you are! Hard worked,
indeed 1 suppose you were, working for
the ball team. 1 can see you sitting OUT
at the ball park with your coat off, IAN
ming yourself nearly to death with your
hat and jawing back at the umpire, and
calling all those ball players by name!
Dignifed position for a man of your
years to assume, 1 must say"
What do you suppose our girls would
have thought if they'd seen you ana
heard you roofing and tanning ike an
1S-year-old college lad? Keeps you
young? I should say it makes you OLD
long before your time. What becomes OF
your office when you are sky larking at
the ball game? Pretty example to set
your force L must say. Much respect
they must have for you when you can't
be found anywhere during the summer
afternoons except at the ball park.
II don't believe in recreation. Absurd
Mr. Caudlei 1 do believe In recreauon'
but 1 don't believe in man OF your
years with a family to support racing out
to the ball park and neglecting MS ou-
ties. I'm glad the season is over; hope
now you'll get down to rock bottom and
make some money. Goodness knows we
need 1t bad enough. School days are
nearly here and there are seven children
to be shod and clothed and equipped for
school, Think of all these half dollars
that you spent to see the ball game THIS
summer. what! Anu 20 CeIlS OAtio 40
a box seat? Horrible! But then you al
WAYS would travel de luxe, Mr.. Caudle;
the best Is not too good for you, while
7 have to take just the scraps and the
leavings."
won't let you read your paper and see
how the final games are turning out.
What do I care whether Nashville or
New Orleans or Little Rock wins the
pennant? 1t won't stop the war or bring
ho oh living. L
Why Mr. Caudle, little as you may think,
it has almost spoiled your disposition:
this greed of yours to snatch the papers
and read the baseball news! Poor little
Johnny came to me the other morning
crying his little heart out and told me
about going and asking you If George
Washington was the first President OF
the United States and how you looked
up from your paper just long enough to
scare him nearly to death and shout out
that you didn't give damn whether ne
was or not, and that all you were inter-
ested in was to know how that home run
was made yesterday. To think. Mr.. eau
de- that you would ever speak to one OF
your children like that! It's positively
brutal that's what it ISL
what sent me on this rampage? I'll
tell you, Mr.. Caudle: went down to your
office the other afternoon to get check;
I sat and waited and waited and waited
for you; that blonde stenographer of
yours smiled and dimpled and tried to
make excuses for you for fully an hour,
and when I couldn't and wouldn't stand
it any longer and demanded to know
where my husband was, she told me that
the final double header of the season was
on at Redwood park, and that you were
there. Furious? OF course, I was flu
rious; you should have been at your Of
flee attending to your business; well, at
least it's over for a while, thank heaven!
suppose, however, you'll find some
other place to spend your afternoons now
that the ball season is over, and I'll never
be able to find you. I guess the only
time woman is ever sure where her
husband can be found is when he's
dead!'