New Ulm review. (New Ulm, Brown County, Minn.) 1892-1961, 1916-03-22

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A DEFENSE or THE MULE.
It had been a day Of splendor at John
sons Landing. The annual conclave
of the Knights of the Kongo had been in
session since the early morning. From
dozen towns up the river each Exalted
Master of the Lodge had led his choco-
late-colored cohort in full regalia to the
annual meeting.
The Supreme Keeper of the Hidden
Word was happy as he presided over the
chicken dinner that closed the days
festivities. Each darkey had eaten as
much chicken, 'possum and watermelon
as the confines of his uniform would
permit and peace and brotherly love
brooded over the gathering like benson
from above.
The Supreme Keeper was happy-he
was to make valedictory address. He
arose with slow and becoming dignity
and after carefully smoothing out the
| wrinkles of the dress-suit which he had
affected since early morning he as care
fully unbuttoned the second, third and
fourth buttons of his ornate white vest to
give ampler room for gestures and
! chicken, impressively cleared his throat
and commenced:
"Brethern of ouah magnitudious pater-
nal order, it becomes NAH duty and
pleasure on dis happy occasion to
address to you few valedictory remarks.
"a pause in which the S. K. loosened the
remainder of his vest buttons). Nah
! remarks on dis happy occasion must be
! uniformal TO- OWN to de ornery duties
of nah Office, which dis day pass on to de
worthy shoulders of good brother Jones
of Ephraim. All has had little time to
prepare an address suitable TO- presenta-
ton to an audience of youah intelligence.
De subject of nah valetudinous dis
sertation, nah fren's, is an unusual one.
It am one dat should strike responsive
note in de bosom of each an every one
of you-all heah dis evenin'. It am
subject so full of glorious possibilities dat
All am at loss to know wheah to inter-
polate NAH feeble contribution. All
shall address you-all TO- a short time on
no less momentuous subject dan de
Southern mule.
Dis am not new topic, nah trends,
Much has been written and noah has
been said dat couldn't be written and
passed thru de mail, about dis noble
quadruplepet: All says noble advised
ly, NAH brethren. Dat am an unusual
proposition to be applied to de mule, ali
fully realizes, but NAH rem'ks is gwine
to be equally unusual.
much has been written and infinitely
noah spoken in derrogation OBJ dis
valy' able beast and All appears befoah
you dis evenin' to speak few bold words
in his behalf. You can find anybody
ready to take ribald fling at de mule.
De papers of de land am full OBJ state
ments defamatory of his character. But
An claims to be de fust pusson in dis
broad land to take negative view of dis
momentous inquiry. Brethren, All
stands foah de down-trodden mule
cloud cheers from Rastus Pinkney
Brown as he waved chicken thigh.)
"Give man bad name and it will
stick" continued the orator. ACCUSE
niggah of chicken stealth (here the
majority of the audience gave an in
voluntary start) and no one will believe
him inherent. "a profound sigh from
Elder Smith as he recalled that similar
doubts in the minds of twelve good men
and true had recently cost him twenty
five dollars). Understand NAH frens,
All is castin' no aspersions, All is only
illustratin 'mah point.
''De earliest record we has of de mule
brands him wifi de stigma of cussedness.
1t am found in de archives of de Smif
an Sons Institute at ouah national
capitol. It am de Photographic repro
duction of some rude pitchers placed
on de wall of cave in ole Missouri by
some prehistoric member of de fust
Annie Mas club. Desc pitchers depicts
a animal, much resemblin' ouah modern
mule, slippin' Jack Johnson punch ovah
L
brethren, is dey any part of dat pitcher
dat tells of de indignity dat called forth
dat retributory kick? No, nah trends,
dey is only silence on dat point. Dat
poor mule had no progressive Republi-
can to record de wrongs committed gain
him by de party den in powah. An
de stigma of willful cussedness has stuck
thru all de ages since dat awful day
xyhon do oox,o Jxxyo11o~se ~x,;f~ co,-o.~,ol