New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1916-05-07
Weren't you ever afraid"

"why, OF course was afraid, most Of Tho
time"
| | started in at Paris when war was de-
clared. | had been so stepped In stories OF
the French Revolution that on the first
night when I heard a mob making ugly
| sounds, | was startled. leaned out Of the
window, and there was every one running
up the boulevard yelling, and beyond the
crowd was line Of black hooded, long-robed
nuns filing along silently. Paris would be
burned rather than allow the enemy in. And
at the stride they were coming it might be
any night when they entered We had the
dread of being caught between the old
But that was not personal fear. II was the
deposit of early reading.
Another anxiety, more poignant and dis
turbing by far, came to me a little later in
London, when my husband was at the front
that vague, dangerous region from which no
letters or messages reached through Those
nights Of sleeplessness and reactions of cry
ing pulled me down more than living under
intermittent shell fire.
A month later, in Belgium, three Of US,
women, went bithely up the NELLIE road.
Belgians crouehed at peekholes behind their
barbados; others in the ditch. with the muz-
lies Of their guns pointing just over the edge
TO sweep the road. If anything had broken
loose suddenly, there we were, caught in
front of our own fire. | hadn't an atom of
any feeling, but very real curiosity and pride
,.1I That
because I was ignorant.
No Trepldatlon at First.
had never known any one caught in that
kind o. dramatic situation, and the conse-
quences had never been pictured TO me by
reading. SO didn't relate consequences to
situation. 1t was really bidding for death;
but, not knowing it, did not fear it, One
afternoon in Fumes Convent four stories
high, sat with NJ. watching the shells fall
on the station, four blocks away. We did
this in ignorance-one more expression OF
curiosity. Sometimes prowled through the
ruins of a church without sense of impend-
ing danger, and in roohess attics, the higher
the better, because I could further.
This is how fear came: One eyering in
Pervyse a single, lonely shell fell close. 1t
had been a quiet day, no shell within hun
bred yards, only beyond the trenches. We
had been writing letters at the poste and
reading. There had been no wounded, so we
were planning to return to our sleeping
quarters early. We had dropped our sense
of tension, leisurely preparing to go down
the road. without warning this single shell,
with loud explosion, pumped right next to
the poste on our trenches.
There's work for u.s. said our nurse.
A man rushed in: "Blessesl Blesses'
Within three minutes the soldiers brought
US five riddled memo dressing on them.
They lay there just as the shell had hit them,
with the torn wounds bleeding. Two COM
rades held one man under the arms. He
shook with pain. There were bits out of his
flesh as if a hook had gouged him. some OF
the pieces hanging by shred. lie had to
be held upright while being dressed and
then to be dragged aside and spread upon his
face.
From Ignorance to Consciousness.
The whole cost Of war was figured out in
front of my eyes That was when ! crossed
over from ignorance to full consciousness OF
fear. had now seen the results Of she'll
fire on human bodies. After that the noise
of she'll was connected with the hurt it
gave. | had heard and had seen shells ex
ploding; | had seen wounds as bad that.
had seen the body of a sentry as he lay
cut in two. But | had never heard the par
ticular she'll that gave a particular wound
until this time Always after shell fire re-
lated itself to suffering. And fear was re-
leased in me.
Fear is in human nature, in each one Of US.
II is older than our individual life. The par
ticular peril does not create fear but merely
unlooses it. 1t may be the ripening of the
terrors of our childhood, of shadows and
dark rooms. And those breads are inherited
from the early days of the race, when we
feared for a reason, naming the danger a
goblin. The race has gone through much
thick -heaped-up experience which fear awak-
ems from its subconscious sleep.
Fear is not caused by bad nerves, sleep
lessness, hunger. But those elements of
strain and fatigue uncover the hidden sources
the ancient race breads of noise and blood
and sudden death-and let them prevail over
self-respect. Fear is an irrational thing
That is, il is beyond the reason. 1t is an
echo from ancestral and infantile memories.
1t is imbedded in the subconscious. 1t is /
beyond the reach of the will All the will
can do is to drive the trembling flesh for
ward, disobeying the instincts. Fear is as
various as people are various, each person
reacting in his own way. We resist its eff /
fects because they spread disaster to our So
cisl group. Public opinion helps to hold us
10 our post-the desire to perform we'll in
the eyes of the person next US, shame at ap-
pearing mean creature in the presence of
others.
Types Of Fear.
After | learned what fear was, then each
time it was released felt the same pounding
of heart. But it depended largely on the
people around me what further manifesto
ton came. It made each Of US do different