davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1916-04-24
ISLANDERS WILL
OPEN AT MOLINE
Old Schedule is Thrown to the Winds
at Chicago Meeting and Opening
Dates Rearranged.
OPENING GAMES.
Rock Island at Moline.
Rockford at Davenport.
Peoria at Quincy.
Bloomington at Hannibal.

Troubles of the Three-Eye baseball
teams over a schedule were settled
yesterday by throwing the old sched-
ule to the winds" according to Pres
ident Al Tearney.
Secretary Blackman of the Moline
club had protested against the old
schedule because it placed Moline and
Rock Island at home on 40 same DAYS.
and Owner Shannon Of Quincy had
protested against the chart because it
practically would wreck the league"
On receipt of these protests Tearney
wired the franchise holders to attend
a meeting in Chicago yesterday after
noon, which brought full attendance,
Rock Island was represented by Sec
rotary Oscar Lift.
Tearney said the meeting was har-
monious and gave out the following
schedule of opening games.
April 26-272S-Rock Island at Mo-
line; Rockford at Davenport; Peoria
at Quincy; Bloomington at Hannibal.
April 29 and 30-Rock Island at DAY.
export; Rockford at Moline; Peoria at
Hannibal; Bloomington at Quincy.
A double header will be played by
each of the teams on Sunday. April 80.
Rock Island will open at home,
Monday, May l, with Moline as an op-
ponent. The six home games for Rock
Island and other contests have been
arranged as follows:
May /, 2 and 3-Moline at Rock Is
land; Davenport at Rockford; Quincy
at Peoria; Hannibal at Bloomington.
May 4, and davenport at Rock
Island; Moline at Rockford; Hannibal
at Peoria; Quincy at Bloomington
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1916-04-24
M'CONNELLHOLDS
GALS TO ONE HIT.
S0x BEAT TIGERS
Bruins Get Only Pour Safeties but a..
coed in Trimming Pirates By
Three to Nothing Score
D00LAN REPLACES MULLIet,
Ray Schalk, Demon Catcher, 1, E.,.
Of 3 to 2 Victory Of Hose Over
jennings Crew.

Chicago. April 24.-Behind the br,,.
liant pitching of Long George Neon.
nell, the Cubs stepped into second pl,..
in the pennant race by shutting ON.
Jimmy Callahan's Pirates, 3 to 0, ve..
terday at Weeghman park before +,
crowd Of $4,000 blue-tinted fans.
1t was an 1s-carat performance. III.
ancient twirler giving the Buccanesr.
one hit, two-bagger by Viox In Tia
sixth inning Only 80 men faced Nc.
Connell during the nine innings, and
of these two got as far az third. Only
one base on balls disflgured the mar.
velous control of the Tall Sycamore
and this came in the eighth inning
1t was the first free ticket Long George
has given out in 81 innings OF baseball
he has hurled this season.
The Pirates had one chance to score
This came IN the sixth, when, with
Viox on third. the runner was held on
the bag, after Kantlehner's long ny 10
left. Mcconnell struck out FIVE and
had one boot behind him. The score:
Pittsburgh. ABB. r. H. PO.AF
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1916-04-24
300 BLOCK TEAM
BEATS OLYMP|CS
Fast Rock Island Seml-Pro Aggrega.
ton Celebrates Opening With
Five to Two Victory.

Before crowd of 300 spectators at
the Island City park yesterday after
noon the 900 Block team of Rock Is
land opened the season by defeating the
strong Olympic club of Moline by a
score of 5 to 2 in nine innings. The
Moliners were held scoreless until the
ninth, when they counted two. Harder
and Geiger worked on the mound for
the locals, with C. Whistler and Manuel
behind the log. Manager Pratt has Sc
cured the local park for next Sunday
and will schedule another strong game.
The score by innings: R.H.E
900 Block .....O01O1030*-5 6 2
Olympics 000OO002-2 4 8
Batteries-Harder and C. Whistler,
Geiger and Manuel; Dexner, Grifiths
and W. Whistler.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1916-04-24
DRIVERS TUNE UPON
CHICAGO SPEEDWAY

Chicago, April 24.-Cloudy weather
proved no drawback to the amateur
drivers who are tuning up their cars
for the big Western Interclub race
tnonprofessionaD. and the afternoon
brought out a score of cars for work
outs at the Speedway, where the race
Is to be staged on May 20.
The number of speed fans on hand
was the largest since the trials started,
three weeks ago, and nearly l 900 tour
ing cars were banked around the in
Held, loaded with spectators watching
'heir laVorlte drivers or cars. II was
more or less of an Easter parade for
Ina lair sax inside tina maddox.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1916-04-24
EVERSMURPHY COIN
SOUTH IS POSTPONED

Eddie Evers and Jimmy Murphy did
not meet in st. Louis before the Broad
way Athletic club Saturday night, as
scheduled. Manager Dams wired local
friends that the bout had been called
off because Of warm weather and Eas-
ter holiday. Evers and his manager
have not returned to Rock Island as
yet and 1t is probable that the bout
will yet be staged before they return.
Evers is to tackle Bobby Burns at Des
Moines Friday night in an eight-round
go.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1916-04-24
FREDDIE WELSH TO
MEET EVER HAMMER

Milwaukee, April 24-Freddie Welsh
arrived in town last night, saying he
Is tit as a fiddle for tonights battle
with Ever Hammer.
Welsh will probably go into the ring
at about 139 pounds, but Hammer is
no frail person himself, and will no
well up in weight. Both boys claim to
be In the best sort of shape. Hammer
went to Chicago for the day, and will
be here this morning to put the finish
ing touches on his training. The odds
remained 10 to Z In the local betting
parlors.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1916-04-24
AUCUSTANAW WINS
ERRA7|C CONTEST
Eureka DOwned by a Six TO Three
Score Saturday Afternoon in Chilly
Game at Campus Field.
(By PAUL DAHLEN.)

Augustana staged a little revival
meeting Saturday afternoon when the
baseball team came back to the old
time form defeating Eureka on the To-
cal college lot, 6 to 3. The game was
featured by some good pitching by
Johnson and 10 errors with which
Eureka assisted the locals to victory
The bingles came at inopportune mo-
ments and Augustana played a fast
game running the bases. The visitors
were outClassed from the first ball,
Augustana taking the lead in the first
round with Lundberg romping over
the rubber for the initial tally,
The Lutherans still rely to a great
extent upon the mighty prowess of one
Egner Larson and his bat. Out of four
times at the plate Saturday, the demon
second baseman swung three times on
the pill for safeties, one Of them for
three bases. In the field Augie's nine
gave their captain 14-karat support,
making never an error. That brought
joy to the heart of the Lutheran root,
ers, who compare Saturdays record
with that of the preceding week when
six slips were credited to the locals.
Five stolen bases were given to Au-
gustana and that speed on the bases
was one Of the features throughout.
Although Augustana got eight hits for
total of 10 bases, drew three walks,
with 10 errors by Eureka, the account
totaling % bases, all this counted but
six runs. 1t would appear that such
a score on that number of bases earned
was to Augie's credit, but Jensen in
the box for Eureka, usually rallied in
the pinches. The score:
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1916-04-24
Ty Cobb introduced another Cobb
PANTS ROWLAND TO
RELEASE JACK NESS

Chicago. April 24.-Negotiations are
under way, 1t was announced here
today, for the release of Jack Ness. Of
the Chicago White Sox, to the Balti-
more club of the International league
Ness, who is first baseman, was oh
tanned from the Oakland club in the
Pacific Coast league. where he estab-
lished a worlds record for consecu-
tive hits. If the deal is completed
Ness will go to Baltimore with a
string attached to him"
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1916-04-24
IarsOn's Colts Win.

Larson's Colts defeated the Four
teenth Street All Stars in an inter
esting game yesterday afternoon at
the Ninth street pasture, the final
count reading Is to 9. Brust and Cop
perstein comprised the battery for the
Colts, while Hodson and Allen worked
for the All Stars. The heavy hitting
Of Brust was the feature of the game.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1916-04-24
9 Q G Q G Q G G G Q Q @ 1000 c
@ BASEBALL DIRECTORY. G

Q Rock Island Firemen-S. D. c
9 Fairman, manager. Phone Rock C
o Island 2174. c
y 900 Block-Allan Pratt, man c
. ager. Phone Rock Island 1920 c
10 Illinois Oil Company Pete
. Johnson, manager, Phone Rock
. Island lilo. c
10 Moline Indians-G. L. Mayer C
. kurth, manager. Phone Moline C
Q 400. C
% Moline Olympics-Carl Adolph- C
. son, manager. Phone Moline 900 G
| 9 or 1886. c
~ Coal Valley-William L. Knapp, G
@ 1907 Fifteenth street A, Moline. C
= Moline Illini-Clarence Lucas G
Q manager. 1920 Eleventh avenue. c
. Phone Moline 50. G
. Moline Rangers - Lee Greko. @
. manager. 1715 Sixteenth street. C
Q Phone Moline 1853. G
20 Moline Centrals-S Stanley FAIL C
. strom, manager. Phone Moline c
@ 1892. g
Moline Federals-H Harry John c
. son, manager. S2S Sixteenth ave- G
nue.. Phone Moline 2516. G
y East Moline Cubs-John Sief- @
Ken, secretary. Phone East Mo- @
. line 165-R. G
Geneseo White Sox-Charles @
y W. Lohry, secretary. Geneseo, Ill. @
Silvis Shops team William @
Murphy, manager. Phone Dayen- @
port 6366-W. G
Matherville-Ches Olson, Farm @
- ers' bank, secretary; or William @
~ Hodge. manager. Matherville. Ill. O
. @ Q @ @ @ q q q n q n n r, =, n 4.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1916-04-24
Lewis and BrittOn Meet Tonight

New Orleans. La. April 24.-Ted
Lewis of England and Jack Britton of
Chicago, meet in a 20 round bout here
tonight for the worlds welterweight
championship. Lewis claimed the
title when he defeated Harry Stone
OF New York here last February. The
weights for tonight are 145 pounds
ringside. Both fighters declared they
are In splendid condition.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1916-04-24
Mitchell to Meet White.

Milwaukee, April "a. - Charlie
White, Chicago, and Richie Mitchell,
Milwaukee, lightweight boxers, will
meet in 10-round no-decision boxing
bout in Milwaukee, on May or 10, &C
cording to announcement by Promoter
Andrews today. 1t is probably the boys
will weigh 1876 pounds at o'clock.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1916-04-24
Blue SoK Win Handily.

Graham's stellar work in the open
ing session won for Davenport over
the Flows by a TO l count. In the
second Graham doubled and scored on
Conger's single. Lynch singled in the
third and scored when Dobbins made
a wild heaye to second, the ball rolling
past the outfielders. In the fourth
frame Graham drew walk, went to
third on O'Brien's single and scored
on Conger's sacrifice fly. Graham
doubled again in the sixth. but team
mates failed 10 bring him in. M0lines
only tally came in the second when
Hughes singled and scored on hits by
Champene and DobJins. Nelson proved
wild and was replaced by Anderson
in the sixth Carol hurled the first
1--we innings for Davenport and was
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1916-04-24
American Association,
RESULTS SATURDAY.
American League,

Boston, 2; Philadelphia, 6.
New York, 8; Washington, 2.
Cleveland, l, st. Louis, l Us in
nings).
Chicago-Detroit, rain.
National League.
Brooklyn-Boston, rain.
Philadelphia-New York, rain.
st. LouisPittsburgh, rain.
Cincinnati, 7; Chicago, 8.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1916-04-24

:, Bonner. Three-base. hit-Larson.
sacrifice hit-Higden. Stolen bases
Larson, Johnson, Ryan. Bonnen, Lund-
berg :, Erickson, Kendall. Double
plays-Johnson to Erickson; Forsling
to Larson TO Erickson. Bases on balls
or johnson 3; off Mills l, off Jensen
,. Struck out-by Mills. .; by Jensen.
o. by Johnson, s. Umpire-Larson.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1916-04-24
ROCKS OUTFTELDER
FRACTURES HIS LEG

Rockford, Ill. April A.-outfelder
Allen Of Rockford broke his leg in the
game with the Winnipegs yesterday,
while running to first. Rockford won,
5 to 0.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1916-04-24

Summary-Two-base hits, Graham
2. Champene; sacrifice hits. Conger.
Moore; stolen bases, O'Brien; bases on
balls, off Nelson l. off Anderson l;
with pitches, Nelson 2; hit by pitched
ball, Pettigrew; struck out, by Carroll
2, by Anderson 3; umpire, ElleE.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1916-04-24

| blll Okey, lnnelder, VINO was dis
carded by Hughes, is being given try
out in the box for Moline.
Boston" Wolfe came near being
badly injured yesterday in trying to
score on long fly, when his cleats
caught in the home plate. Wolfe was
thrown heavily, but continued, limping
around. Boston" scored Rock Is
lands only two runs, Biltz driving
him in each time.
Lister tried new shift in the out
field and it worked nicely, with Wolfe
in left and Clayton in the right gar
den.
Listers problematical outfeld
showed up well yesterday. The only
error made, by Sargent, was the re-
suit of hurried throw after a hard
chance, Cerny being credited with a
hit
Arnould J. Hauser, former short
stop of the st. Louis Cardinals and at
one time one of the greatest infielders
in the National league, has signed
with Manager Waring of Hannibal.
Rubbing 1t in-Mike Dolan, batting
for Mulligan, drove in the winning run
in the 9th inning of hard fought vic
tory which Chicago scored over Gin
cinnati Saturday, to 7.
Pitcher Marion, the Brooklyn Fed
eral giant, whom Manager Darringer
has been after for the past month to
round out his pitching staff, arrived
in Bloomington Friday and will be
with the Boomers this season.
In view Of the custom adopted in
other Three Eye cities to make an ex-
ira admission charge for the opening
game, the Hannibal Baseball associa-
ton probably will make fifty cents the
general admission price for next
Wednesdays contest which will be be-
tween the Missouri Mules and Bloom
ington club
Tinker got rid of one of his surplus
players, that one being Charley Pech-
Gus, the active young third baseman,
who was one Of the prize winners last
year in the Tribune amateur contests.
Pechous has been sold to Peoria with
strong string attached to him, and
while the youngster hasn't fully agreed
to the change last night, it is expected
he will report to the downstate Three
Eye leaguers.
Ty Cobb introduced another Cobb
idea last Tuesday, and one which prob
ably will become popular with the
other players. 1t was swinging four
clubs before he walked to the plate.
Ty has been in a batting slump this
spring. He knows it, and to change his
luck he appeared with four bats and
swung them around his shoulder like
toothpicks. Until Cobb appeared with
three bats for his preliminary exer-
else the custom for the players was to
carry Two. When Ty changed, the
70
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1916-04-24

~Batted for James in sixth.
Tran for Mckee in sixth.
tBatted for Boland in eighth.
White Soy .Olo20 o-S
Detroit .......,.O 0 0 D
Extra base hits Two base, Schalh'
Terry. Kayanagh. Strike-outs-ps
James. 4 by Boland. |; by Faber' ..
Hit by pitcher BY James Murphy anu
Weaver: by Dubuc Murphy. Win
pitch-James. Umpires-EVans anu
Chill. Time-2;20.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1916-04-24
ISLANDERS LOSE
AGAIN TOPLOWS;
DAVENPORT WINS
Listers Men Have Contest Salteu
Until George Beck Blows Up in
the Sixth Inning.
FINAL SCORE READ FOUR TO TWO
Two Wild Heayes BY Nelson and Hit
ting OF Graham Wins Opener for
Blue 200 Present.

Listers hopefuls failed to end their
preseason iaunt auspiciously. being
treated to another beating at the hands
Of the Plow BOYS yesterday afternoon
a. the Thirty-seventh street lot in Mo-
line by d score Of + to .. And TO make
matters worse the Plows has been
walloped previously in the opener by
OLeary's pesky Pretzel crew. 3 to l.
Both contests were cut TO seven inn
iugs. Financially the affair was the
most successful Of the tri-city series,
1900 fans being scattered about in the
stands. Although Old Sol was on hand
for the first time in many days. the
atmosphere was bit too frigid for the
national pastime.
Had Lister allowed big Boy Mar
shall to finish the game he started, the
big end Of ~e count would have
been chalked up for Rock Island.
George Beck, the Moline recruit, was
sent in in the fifth session to show his
wares and the Plows took a liking
to them, punching four hits in the
sixth stanza, which, with a base on
balls, resulted in three markers.
In the first four innings Big Boy
allowed but four hits and one run,
which came in the first inning. Cerny
led off with mean bounder to deep
short. Sargent, in his anxiety to get
the pill, manipulated wild throw and
the diminutive shortstOp went to third.
White followed with a single to right,
scoring Cerny. In the fatal sixth with
Beck on the mound, Cerny again
started the noise with a single TO CEN
ter after Jahnke had flied out. White
stepped up and singled and Pettigrew
followed him with another safe smash,
counting Cerny Davis walked. George
Hughes, the Pillow boss, then waddled
up to the platter and damned another
single to right counting both White
and Pettigrew. Ihrig and Champene
flied out.
Rock Islands first score came in the
initial inning. Cerny fumbled WOlfe's
grOunder, and the speedy gardner was
safe. Sargent sacrificed him to sec
ond and Boston" counted a second
later on Heine Biltz' screeching
three Dagger. down the first base line
to the club house. Clayton and Stock
er grounded out.
Last Comes in Third.
In the third frame the Islanders
scored their second and last run.
Wolfe drew pass for a starter. Sar-
gent famed, but Boston" stole sec
ond a moment later and scored on
Biltzs single. Clayton and Stocker
flied out. The Islanders wasted a
thousand opportunities to score in the
fifth. Marshall led off with scratch
single and Leithner was sent to RIM
for him. Wolfe singled and Leithner
went clear to third on the hit, Dos
ton reaching second Sargent ground
ed 10 short and Leithner was cut off
at the plate. Biltz drew walk. filling
the bags. Clayton drove long f1v
10 center. Wolfe waited until the hall
lell IN Pettigrew's mitts and then dup
LOT the plate. Ned made a perfect
throw and Moore succeeded in tagging
Nolle by hair. In going over the
platter Wolfe turned his ankle, but
was aDle 10 continue. The score.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1916-04-24

Summary-Two-base hits, Lister;
three-base hits, Biltz; sacrifice hits,
Sargent Erlewein; stolen bases.
Wolfe, Biltz; bases on balls, off Beck
!, off Ukey 1, off Jahnke =. struck out,
by Beck /, by Ukey /; left on bases,
Rock Island 7, Moline 3: umpire,
FIler.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1916-04-24

Extra-base hits-Two-base, Vio1;
three-base, Williams. Strike-outs-By
Mcconnell, 5; by Kantlehner, /. Bases
on balls-Off kantlehner, 4; off Nc
Connell. /; off Mamaux, 2. Left On
bases-Pittsburgh 3; Chicago, 5.
Passed ball-Schmidt. Umpires-
O'Day and Eason. Time-1:37.
Detroit Rally Falls Short.
Detroit, April 24.-Ray Schalk, de-
mon catcher, discovered an effective
way to rout the Detroit jinx and beat
the Tigers yesterday afternoon. Sim
pie, Watson. Timely wallops. A sac
rifice fly and double, both by the
cracker, accomplished what the White
Sox have been trying three days to
do and Cobbless locals fell victims, 8
to 8, after the regular ninth-inning
squirt on the part of Detroit.
After Schalk's blows had given Red
Faber and the pale hose three-run
lead, handicap the Tigers are In the
habit Of overcoming toward the finish,
it seemed as If luck was against the
Sox. Despite the Cascade curvist's
swell pitching, the home players
crawled up within one run of the Chi
cago margin, due to couple Of breaks
in their favor. With the winning tally
on the paths they fell down and lost
their annual game to the Rowlands on
the home grounds. The score:
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1916-04-24
AMERICAN ASSOCIATION.
RESULTS YESTERDAY,
American League,

Chicago, 3; Detroit, 2.
Cleveland, IA; st. Louis, 2.
National League.
Chicago, 8; Pittsburgh, 0.
st. Louis, 2; Cincinnati, 2 az in
nings).
American Association.
Kansas City, 0; Toledo, 7.
Milwaukee, 6; Columbus, 3.
Louisville, 6; St. Paul, /.
Indianapolis, Q; Minneapolis, /.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1916-04-24

totals -. 90. ...25 2 SIS 5 /
Kan Tor Marshall in fifth.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1916-04-24
On ODE Side1ines
Observation-Disclosures

Bill Ukey, infelder, VINO was dis
carded by Hughes, is being given a try
out in the box for Moline.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1916-04-24

Totals ..........24 6 81 IL d:
*Batted for Anderson in seventh.
The Ely miner., 1916-11-10
THE advertising columns of the

THE advertising columns of the
newspapers are certain index OF
the successful business houses of a
city or town. The rule holds good
in every metropolis in the civilized
world. Printers ink has made
thousands of men rich and never
vet made one poor. The bold
advertisers are the successful busl-
ness men. Those that launch out
and scatter broadcast facts and
figures. keeping their business
ever before the people, never relax
ing, never retreating, but always
pressing forward, pushing ahead
never to have to regret lost oppor-
tunities" or what might have
been" but unbounded success is
theirs, to which the world pays
homage and many attribute to luck
as a favorite of fortune1Ewhen the
real source of this great success
lies directly through the channel
of judicious. persistent advertising.
The Ely miner., 1916-11-10
HALF SLAVES IN HISTORY.

Some of the British prisoners in
German camps have been shaved, ac-
cording to reports, on one side only
of their heads and boards, this being
done to prevent any attempt at es-
cape. In history there have been
other motives for half shaving.
Hanun, king of the children of Am
mon, shaved off half the beard OF
each of David's servants purely as
an insult, and Jewish reverence for
the beard forbade the servants from
shaving the other half. One OF the
stories Of Demosthenes has it that
when he shut himself for months in
subterranean chamber to practice
oratory he shaved half his head to
offset any temptation to 60 abroad.
The Ely miner., 1916-11-10

a state of coma six evenings a
week while mother looks pleasant
and does up the work, is as hope
lessly outclassed in the social
whirl as a Percheron draft horse
in free for all trot. No girl is
considered up-to-date unlesS she
knows the first name Of every
travelling man who makes the
burg and indulges loves young
dream by carrying on perfumed
correspondence that would choke
business college. The girl whose
head is full of SOC fiction and the
next bargain sale OF gauze hose
will never have to shove a line Of
eligible bachelors off the front
stoop with broom for fear that
somebody will drag her up to the
altar in tulle veil and rented
limousine. Yet some people won
der why men do not marry.
The Ely miner., 1916-11-10

In these days of Indigestion
1t is oftentimes question
AS to what to eat and what to leave
alone;
For each microbe and bacillus
Has different way to kill us,
And in time they always claim us
for their own.
There are germs of every kind
In any food that you can find
In the market or upon the bill of
fare.
Drinking waters just as risky
AS the so-called deadly whiskey,
And it's often mistake to breathe
the air.
The inviting green cucumber
Gets most everybody's number,
While the green corn has system
of it's own.
Though radish seems nutritious,
Its behavior is quite vicious,
And a doctor will be coming to your
home.
Eating lobster, cooked or plain,
Is only flirting with ptomaine,
While any oyster sometimes has a
lot to say;
But the clans we eat in chowder
Make the angels chant the louder,
For they know that we'll be with
them right away.
Take a slice of nice fried onion
And you're fit for Dr. Munyon,
Apple dumplings kill you quicker than