News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1916-10-18
FINNEGAN'S PHILOSOPHY.
Purgine the Heart.

! bAiteS tue SiNlI service ROCK anu re
freshin' jobs gushes foorth for thursty
but dishurvin' Dimycrats. He blows
on horn an ivrythin' falls for ut
If the people Gull him liver so soft. Lit
tie Samuel had no quicker ear. An fol
sacryticin' what's dear to his heart
Abraham had nawthin' Oh him. Sure
he Is Dimocricy's shield an exceedin
great reward
"Tis his Presbyterian bringin' up
I'm thinkin. Furst he adopts a policy
thin he thries to justify it, thin be
! sanctihes it wild phrase. while a choir
Nv Deshurvin Dimmycrats sings q
hymn An there We are. Justification
| Adoption an Sankty-fcashun.
"The choir med great harmony whin
Jim Smith, George Harvey an Billy
Brine was all in ut. But wan be wan
their Vices cracked an they passed out
Nv the life Nv the great Idaylist.
Harvey whit back to edith an Bill
Brine whit In search iv the Howly
Kale. McCombs was canned. because
him an Billy McAdoo cuddent sing a
duet, an Oscar Underwood was weak
on Tariff ragtime. But Wudthrow die
Grated them all. Wild f'what say We?
Wild the Order " the Double Cross.
Ohio. l mind well the time at the
Manhattan Club, whin he kissed Brine
an kicked Harvey wild wan motion.
Now the choir has what Wudthrow
calls the vital stuffs iv life.' Stone an
McAdoo; Danyiels an Jim Ham Lewis,
wild Redfield for the high falsetto.
Wudthrow sits wild his hands crossed
while the stuffs sings songs iv praise
an Col. House winds the Victhrola.
"Wudthrow is fond ~ music, but
Colonel House himself is the quiet
man. Faith av he danced Clog on
a Washbiler ye'd niver hear a sound.
"Well, wan night In August the Colo
mel come tiptoein' in through the base
ment dure.
Flows the game, Colonel?' says
Wudthrow. $685. the Colonel says.
'Ye might round up few more votes
says he, scratchin' his ear wild an abb
sent air.
"'Ain't l got the full dinner-pails?
axes Wudthrow, anxious like. All
that's forgot the first two year and a
half says House pleasantly. Amt I
KEEP 'em out O. WARP axes Wudthrow.
Part O. the time says House, rubin
his left shin wild the felt-sipper on
his right foot. Amt my voice our
greatest liquid assetT axes Wilson
earnestly. Tt's some voice. says
House, but lot " suckers can't tell
a asset firm an Hbility,' the Colonel
says.
'F'what are We drivin' atT says
wilson, four flushing little.
"'Arre We watchin' the strike? says
House. Half a millyun votes might
be useful says House, tiptoein' out
through the dure. an closin' ut behind
him.
"Well, Sir, he left Wudthrow sunk
in profound miditashun. At last he
spakes. 4 hear he says, in a low
sweet tone that vice iv the people,
which is to me as the vice of a Car
negie Penshun.' Oh he says, thrillin'
in ivry nerve, must indade sacryfce
wan more IDOL says he, on the altar
" me Counthryp says Wudthrow.
"'Was not the Wan Turn Plank he
says; AN the Sugar Tax he says; AN
the Tariff for Rev-noo,' he says; AN
all me friends, beside says he, six
teen per'fy good Mexican Policies
was not all thin enough? he axes in
agony. But will purge me Heart iv
lvry pers'nal fought says he, startin'
for bed. An before he retires he takes
a Heart Purge ~ his own invinshun
the way it'll wurk while he sleeps. l
ilinnaw f'what the purge is. 'Tis a
secret.
"In the morn he was puzzled. He
wanted great sacryfise of pur-
,incipe, dear to his heart, but he'd
Used most iv thin already, an he felt
hat this was no time for second hand
II slightly damaged sacryfises. So
ne sends for House. Colonel says
lie, "Fwhat pur-rinciple d'yr think
vud be an acceptable sacrytise in this
,r-reat morel imargincy?" he axes anx-
ously.
"'Whisper,' says the Colonel. And he
aid wan wurd in Wudthrow's ear, and
AIDED silently away through the dure.
For wan instant Wudthrow stud !
pellbound. Thin he burst into a
vhoop; The Ram in the Bushes cries
lie wild tears iv Jy.
"'Twas an impressive ceremony
vhin the sacryfise was solemny-ised
t the Capitol.
"The precision started f'om the
White House wild the Prisidint walkin' |
head carryin' the Ram in wan hand |
n a box iv Safety-First matches in
b. other. He was followed by coon
EARN four gold pans, and behind
anne four Union Chiefs ridin' on milk
White steeds followed be a group iv
,ailroad Prisidints, Stock Holders,
'armers, Shippers and Consumers,
,aded wild chains. After a short ser.
ION to Congress on 'Purgin' the
Ieart,' the Prisidint laid the Ram on
b alter, an imprissively stabbed it
id the four gold pens while the choir
ang Holy, Holy, Holy. The Prisidint
anded the gold pens to the four chiefs