Charlevoix county herald., 1916-09-22
FINNEGAN'S PHILOSOPHY
BALKAN.


The Jackass saved them. s'Tis all In
Number Twinty-two. Och, honel IT'S
different these times. The Jackass
knew better till Balaam tanned him.
Lave me ride ye,' says Balaam, AN
I'll make We the biggest Ass in the
wurld.'
Great says the ASS; what dye
feedP
Pork says Balaam.
Me SAVIOR says the Ass.
$50 Balaam mounts. But soon the
Jack balks.
"'Phwat is it?' says Balaam.
Snakes says the ASS; ut looks
like the jawbone Nv me mother
"'G'We,n,' says BALKAN, hittin' the
ASS clip, ''tis me furren' policy
he says.
"'Phwat's ut forT axes the ASS.
"'Ut definds the nashun,' says Ba-
laam.
"'Howr says the. Ass.
Faith says Balaam, ut takes a
bigger Ass than you to know that
Lave 1t to Brine says Balaam to the
ASS; an the Jack walks on medita-
tin.
"'Hee, haw,' says the Ass, balkin'
an kickin'.
"'What nowT says BALKAN.
"Divil Jackass ever seen the like,
says the ASS. ut could be a frog
says he, for ut stands up In front,
and sits down behind; an It's mostly
mouth says the Ass. ut has white
feathers says the Jack, wild yaller
streaks that changes he says, to
Very Crooz Red, or Niagary Blue, an
now they're Carrysall Yaller again.
says he. 'Hivins, have / been drink
inT screams the ASS to Balaam.
" Saints be praised says Balaam.
Me (Watchful Waitin' can still change
Its ,mlnd,' he says. 'Gwan, where
glory waits he says. 'G'wan, in the
service Nv Mankind says BALKAN to
the ASS, touching him up. An the
ASS shufiles ahead, wavin' his ears in
admiration.
Hee-hawl Hee-hawp says the
Jack, rearin' up wild his eyes bulgin'.
"'Phwat's grippin' We nowT says
BALKAN, impashunt like.
az Dunno says the Ass. ut looks
like the FLYNN Dutchman with a So
cialist Crew. he says.
"'Tis me Ship Bill says Balaam.
Side step to the right he says;
side step to the left says he, well
tin him. Back up says Balaam,
near wrenchin' off the Jacks Jaw
Now forward for the Merchant Ma
rine an fifty millyun pork says Ba-
laam wild a shower NV blows an the
Ass goes on thremblin'.
'Wah-heel Wah-heel Wah-hee =
says the Jack, shyin' so he near
threw his rider.
"Tll learn We to shy at me Naval
Bill says Balaam, lar-rupin' the
haste so he cud scarce stand.
aye can't pass ut widout wearin'
Republican Clothes says the Jack in
a coarse whisper.
aye ASS says Balaam. Don't We
know that amy cloes is betther nor
nakedness? G'wan,' says Balaam, in
tones Nv thunder. SO the poor haste
lopes on, limpin' wild pain.
"Tve not time to tell We all the adj
ventures they had, but they KEEP on
over rough roads, now an then eros
sim a ditch on n wan term plank,
which made even Balaam unaisy
Iviry time the Jack kicked, he got
short rations an wallop. So when
the journey was near over, the poor
basic was all in, and far too proud to
fgbI'. Any Jack-Ass can be that
when he's licked.
evan stormy night, the Jack blooms
into a harmony like Dimycrat Tariff
Hymn played on q gaspipe wild the
feet.
"'Phwat ails We nowT calls Balaam,
clubbin' him wild both hands.
"'Nivver did l pass the like yells
the ASS, sweating and thremblin'. ut
says ut's an eight hour law. Oh, phwat
is utT screams the Ass to Balaam,
feebly Vaughn his ears.
"T dinno phwat ut is meself,' says
Balaam, but I know phwat ut's got
Balaam says.
"PhwatT axes the poor Ass.
"'Five hundther thousand votes
says BALKAN, wild pious air. 'G'wan,
We big Ass, an dOant we argue wild
an Idaylist,' says Balaam to the Ass.
1--WE can't pass ut in the dark
pleads the Ass. Lave us wait for
light means the ASS, weepln'.
mix says Balaam. There's q hot
time comm an the votes'll Spite.
Do We thurst for sixteen more years
in the wilderness? Giddap,' says he,
'purgin' yer heart says Balaam, Nv
ivlry thought that's SELFISH says Ba-
laam, or personal chants Balaam to
the poor Ass ticklin' the Jacks Stats
wild a couplln' pin.
"By this time the ASS was so wore
out wild his ardyous labors, that he
knew no more than Balaam himself.
So, wild one despalrln' cry, he dropped
his ears, as he an his master stumbled
forward into the dark"
II All Depends.