Alma record. (Alma, Mich.) 1878-1928, 1916-11-02
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! FlNNEGAN'S PHILOSOPHY. |
PuraIne the Heart.

eAAit's tue 14Nll SflNlCe hoCk Hhu re-
freshh' Jobs gushes foorth for thursty
but dishurviu' Dimycmts He blows
on horn an ivrythin falls for ut
II the people call him liver SO soft, In
tie Samuel had no quicker ear An for
sacrytcin' what's dear to his heart,
Abraham had nawthin' on him. Sure
he is Dimocricy's shield an exceedn'
great reward.
TITS his Presbyterian bringin up.
I'm thinkin Furst he adopts policy
thin he thries TO justify 1t, thin he
sapctifies Il wild phrase. while a choir
~ Deshurvin Dimmycrats sings a
hymn. An there We arc. Justification,
Adoption an Sankty-hcashun.
The choir med great harmony whin
Jim Smith. George Harvey an Billy
Brine was all IN ut But wan be wan
their vices cracked an they passed out
" the life iv the great Idaylist
Harvey whit back 10 edith an Bill
Brine whit IN search iv the Howly
Kalc. McCombs was canned. because
him an Billy McAdoo cuddent sing a
duet, an oscar Underwood was weak
on Tariff iagtlme But Wudthrow die
grated them ALL Wild fwhat say yei
Wild the Order " the Double Cross
Ohio. | mind well the time at the
Manhattan Club. whin he kissed Brine
an kicked Harvey wild wan motion.
Now the choir has whit Wudthrow
calls tho Vital stuffs ~ life. Stone an
McAdoo; Danyiels an Jim Ham Lewis.
wild Redheld for the high falsetto.
Wudthrow sits wild his hands crossed
while the stuffs sings songs ~ praise.
an Col. House winds tho victhrola.
"Wudthrow Is fond ~ music. but
Colonel House himself IL tho quiet
man, Faith av he danced a Clog on
a Washbiler yed niyer hear a sound.
"Well. wan night IN August the Colo
mel come tiptoein' in through the base
ment dure.
'How's the game. Coloneli' snys
Wudthrow. So-so,' the Colonel says
'Ye might round up few more votes
says he. scrntchin' his ear Wild an alb
sent air.
Amt ! got the full dinner-pailsT
axes wudthrow, anxious like. AN
that's forgot the FIRST two year and n
half says House pleasantly. Amt
KEEP EN- out o. war; axes Wudthrow
Part O the time. says House, rubin
his left shin Wild the felt-slipper on
his right foot. Amt my voice our
greatest liquid asset?' axes Wilson
earnestly. It's some voice says
House, but lot " suckers can't tell
4 asset firm an lrbility.' the Colonel
says.
'F'what nre We drivin' at?' says
Milson, four flushing little.
"'Arre We watchin the striker says
House. Half millyun votes might
be useful says House. tiptoein' out
through the dure, an closin' NJ behind
him.
We'll, Sir. he left Wudthrow sunk
IN profound mlditashun AT last he
spakes 4 hear he says. IN a low
sweet tone that v'ico " the people.
which is 20 me az the vice OF Car
negie Penshun.' OH ne says, thrillin'
in ivry nerve, must indnde sacryfce
wan more idol. says he. on the altar
~ me Country says wudthrow.
WAS not the Wan Turn Plank he
says. an the Sugar Tax he says; an
the Tariff for Rev-noo. he says an
all me friends. beside says he. six
teen per'fy good Mexican Policies
was not all thin enough he axes In
agony. But will purge me Heart "
ivry persnal fought. says he. startin
for bed An before he retires he takes
a Heart Purge " his own invinshun
the way It'll wurk while he sleeps.
dinnaw fwhat the purge Is. It's a
secret.
"In the morn he was puzzled. He
wanted great sacryfise OF pur
rinciple. dear 10 his heart. but he'd
used most ~ thin already an be felt
that this was no time for second hand
or slightly damaged sacryfses. So
he sends for House. Colonel says
he. "F"what pur-rinciple dyr think
wud be an acceptable sacrytise In this
great morel imargincyy he axes anx
iously.
Whisper says the Colonel And he
said wan wurd In Wudthrow's ear, and
faded silently away through the dure.
For wan instant Wudthrow stud
spellbound. Thin he burst into
whoop; The Ram in the Bushes. cries
he wild tears ~ ~.
Twas an impressive ceremony
whin the saeryfse was solemny-i sed
AT the Capitol.
THE PROCESSION started rom the
White House wild the Prisidint walkin
ahead carryin' the Ram in wan hand
an "A box ~ Safety-First matches In
tn other. He was followed 10y coon
bearin four gold pans. aud behind
came four Union Chiefs ridin' on milk
white steeds followed be group ~
Railroad Prisidints. Stock Holders
Farmers. shippers and Consumers
loaded Wild chains. After a short ser.
mon 10 Congress on Purgin' the
Heart the Prisidint laid the Ram on
tn alter. an imprissively stabbed II
wild the four gold pens while the choir
sang Holy. Holy, Holy. The prisidnt
handed the gold pens To the four chiefs
wild bow; jim Ham liz the wood an
wiped up the blood. an the sacryfise
was complete.
"'What was the RAM say We.
Twas a pet haste Wudthrow used 10
Craze IN the White House lawn. TWaS
tn Idol ~ his heart llc named II
Arbitrashun. Ii WIS tic Ram. AZ. ~