Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1916-09-21
FINNECAN'S PHILOSOPHY
BALKAN.

Finnegan. "Balaam was highbrow
that knowed less than his Jackass. He
took an Office to curse the people.
The Jackass saved them. TITS all in
Number Twinty-two. Och, hone! IT'S
different these times. The Jackass
knew better till Balaam tanned him.
"'Lave me ride ye,' says Balaam AN
I'll make We the biggest ASS In the
wurld.'
"'Great,' says the ASS; what dye
feedT
"'Pork,' says BALKAN.
"'Me SAVIOR says the Ass.
$50 BALKAN mounts. But soon the
Jack balks.
"'Phwat is 1T? says BALKAN.
"'Snakes,' says the ASS; ut looks
like the jawbone Nv me mother
"'G'wan,' says Balaam. hittin' the
ASS clip. its me furren' policy
- says.
"'Phwats ut for? axes the Ass.
"'Ut detinds the nashun, says Ba-
laam.
"'HowT says the ASS.
"'Faith;' says Balaam, ut takes
bigger ASS than you to know that.
Lave 1t to Brine says Balaam to the
ASS; an the Jack walks on medita-
tin.
"'Hee, haw,' says the ASS, balkin'
an kickin.
"'What nowT says Balaam.
"Divil a Jackass ever seen the like
says the ASS. Ut could be frog
says he, for ut stands up in front,
and sits down behind; an tits mostly
mouth says the ASS. ut has white
feathers says the Jack, wild yaller
Streaks. that changes he says, to
Very Crooz Red, or Niagary Blue, an
now they're Carrysall Yaller again.
says he 'Hivins, have l been drink
inT screams the Ass to Balaam.
"'Snints be praised says BALKAN.
Me Watchful Waitin' can still change
its mind he says. 'G'wan, where
glory waits he says. 'G'wan, in the
service Nv Mankind says Balaam to
the ASS, touching him up. An the
ASS Shuffies ahead, wavin his ears in
admiration.
"Hee-haw! Hee-hawr says the
Jack. rearin' up wild his eyes bulgin'.
"'Phwat's grippin' We nowT says
Balaam. impashunt like.
~ dunno says the ASS. Ut looks
like the FLYNN Dutchman with So
clalist Crew. he says
u, D.,l
Side step to the right he says
side step to the left says he, wei
tin him. Back up says Balaam.
near wrenchn' off the Jacks jaw.
Nov forward for the Merchant Ma
rine an fifty millyun pork says Bn-
iaam wild shower Nv blows; an the
Ass goes on thremblln'.
'Wuhhee! Wah-hee! Wah-hee"
says the Jack, shyin so he near
threw his rider.
Bill says BALKAN, lnr-rupin' the
basic so he cud scarce stand
aye can't pass ut widout wrnriD
Republican clothes, says the Jack IN
a coarse whisper
aye ASS says Balaam. Don't We
know that amy cloes Is betther nor
nakedness? G'wan, says BALKAN, in
tones Nv thunder. SO the poor basic
lopes on, limpin' wild pain.
'Ive not time to tell We all the ad-
ventures they had, but they KEEP on
over rough roads, now an then eros
sin ditch on wan term plank.
which made even BALKAN unnisy.
1viry time the Jack kicked he got
short rntions an wallop. SO when
the Journey was near over, the poor
basic was all in, and far too proud to
fight Any JackAss can tbe that
when he's licked
'Wan stormy night, the Jack blooms
into harmony like Dimycrat Tariff
Hymn played on a gaspipe wild the
feet.
'Phwat ails We now? calls Balaam,
clubbin' him wild both hands.
"'Nlvver did pass the like, yells
the Ass, sweating and thremblin'. ut
says ut's an eight hour law. Oh, phwat
Is ut? screams the ASS to Balaam,
feebly Vaughn his ears.
"I dinno phwat ut is meself, says
BALKAN, but l know phwat ut's got
Balanm says.
"'PhwutT axes the poor ASS.
"Five hundther thousand votes
says BALKAN, wild pious air. 'G'wan,
We big ASS, an doant We argue wild
an ldaylist,' says Balaam to the ASS.
ave cant pass ut in the dark
pleads the Ass. Lave us wait for
light means the Ass, weepin'.
mix, says Balaam. There's hot
time comm an the votes'll Spite.
Do We thurst for sixteen more years
In the wilderness? Giddap, says he,
'purgin' yer heart says BALKAN, Nv
iviry thought that's selfish says Ba-
laam, or PERSONAL chants Balaam to
the poor Ass ticklin' the Jacks Stats
wild a coupin pin.
"By this time the Ass was so wore
out wild his ardyOus labOrs, that he
knew no more than BALKAN himself.
So, wild one despairin cry, he dropped
his ears, as he an his master stumbled
forward into the dark"
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