Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1916-05-24
PRESIDENTIAL POSSIBILITIES.

"One look at me will convince you
that | have lived longer in Indiana
than the average man, lnaSmuch as l
measure more than six feet minus my
shoes when stretched in my downy.
There are those who charge that | am
not presidential timber. l wouldn't
say that of the other estimable gentle
men who are seeking to have the steam
roller pass them up at the Chicago
convention. However, landing a nom
ination for the presidency of these
glorious United States is a serious I'M
dertaking And | use the latter word
advisedly, as the race is in most in
stances fatal to the political ambition
of those who enter. | saw the steam
roller wend its way through the con-
vention hall in Chicago four years ago.
1t was a sad occasion, my brethren.
1t may sound incredible, but actually
hot tears rolled down my cheeks as |
heard the count giving the nomination
to my corpulent and affable friend,
Will Taft. In my minds eye | saw
the undertaken passing the white
gloves to the pallbearers. | mean to
be honest in my statements as the ma
tiOnal convention approaches. | want
to be president. l am confident that
am a big enough man for the place.
While | have not arranged detailed
platform upon which TO stand in the
event | become the nominee of my
party, you may rest assured that |
am for America first; for that grand
old starry banner that has been kicked
around until it has lost its pep, until
it has been dragging its tail between
its legs, as it were; until it has grown
so small in the measure of the strength
it should typify that measly Mexican
has refused to duck when he saw it
waved in his bailiWick. If l had been
president when Huerta uttered his re-
fusal-if | had been president-why,
gentlemen, it makes me blush to think
of what would have done, but l would
| have done it. | weep for that grand
old flag in my slumbers. Oh, for an
other Lincoln! But, alas, he has long
since left us, and we must take some
one through whose veins courses the
same patriotic blood that moved him
to deeds of daring in behalf of his
country and his flag. If | go to Wash
ington as your president / will be no
stranger to that city. | know every
corner of the city. | will be easy to
find if you come there when l am your
executive In fact it will be difficult
to overlook me unless I'm hidden away.
Despite the cold wave signals with
which my enemies are persistently
seeking to surround me, you will find a
warm greeting from me at all seasons
of the year. The makers of grape juice
will have no strings on me- One of
my first acts will be to Danish grape
juice from the White house. In its
stead we will have buttermilk, fresh
and rich, direct from the farm. I'll
tear from the walls of the blue room
pictures of the lion and the jack rab-
bit and put in their places a likeness
| OF the great American kind-faced COW"
| CHICAGO society woman, Just back
from Paris, gives a half column inter.
view to the press describing gold
gown that she purchased in the French
capital. This ought to make interest.
ing reading to the girls employed in
the sweat shops.
THE United States supreme court
in a ruling this week, holds that taxi
cabs are common carriers. Court de-
cision was not necessary to establish
that fact concerning cabs that operate
| between Rock Island and its neighbor-
| ing cities. Some of them are said tc
carry whole cases of common
nightly.
| HENRY Ford says he has no time
| for Oil paintings by any of the mas
ters-because he doesn't understand
such art, and doesn't want to. Where.
in Henry differs from the average
| American millionaire who fills his
home with lot of junk to create the
impression that he is something that
he amt
| More Nature Taking!