The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-08-19

bit of hard road to travel, and it may cause a delay in the adjournment of Congress. But better so than that the President should have allowed MT. Hays amendment to become law.
 A CCORDING to Robert W. Stew A ems, director of music at the University of Chicago, music cannot only be heard and felt, but it can be smelled and tasted. The oboe expresses acidity, the flute a saccharine sweet ness, the violin Defining Sour has a claret or and Sweet Music champagne effect, which, by the way, are not at all similar. The cello sug- gests the after dinner smoke in it's soothing qualities. The saxophone has buttermilk for it's flood equivalent" and Chopin is likened to fresh trout. Beethoven's music is compared to tenderloin steak, Gilbert and Sullivan to prunes and MT. Irving Berlin's justly famous ragtime compositions to an all-day sucker, which should be prohibited by the health department" :"
 Cheap music," says this eminent authority, objected to by the trained musician, is merely an overdose of sugar and water" Again he asks, eff we have sweet melodies,' why not sour melodies 2" And echo answers, "Why not?"
 In stage vernacular, Director Stew ems is guilty of pulling some old stuff" From time immemorial the comedian with a trombone has been extracting "sour" notes from that horrendous instrument, the very sound of which puts coppery taste in most peoples mouths. But at any rate, Professor Stevens got his little lecture into the newspapers and that was doubtless his principal reason for de- livering typical hot weather dis course.
 The first and last performance of a musical comedy was given one night re- 
 gently in New York. Still, if that show were sent out on the road the versatile press agent would speak proudly of its New York run.
 A Michigan woman fired five bullets into her husbands head because he sought the company of others too much" It will soon be up to a chivalrous jury to set her free.
 This old world has been going to the demnition bow-wows for centuries, ac- cording to reformers, yet it is still able to pull itself together on short notice.
 There may still be few cowboys in the cattle country who don't aspire to moving picture careers, but they are stodgy fellows, without ambition.
 Germany for the time being has ceased to erect wooden statues to her military heroes. The allied offensive has accom- plised that much, at any rate.
 
 The practical joker who can't create a shark scare at a bathing beach these days might as well decide to be sensible the rest of his life.
 If Doc Cook could get away to the pole this summer great many people would be glad to go with him just for a chance to cool off.
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 Those husky trainmen shook the Presi- dents hand so hard they made him vince. Had it been the colonel, now but why continue?
 President Wilson enjoys vaudeville, a form of entertainment that brings him closer to the common people than playing golf in the rain.
 Every time those Austrians lombard Venice they lessen their popularity with practically everybody except the Teuts and the Turks.
 Perspiring deputies smashing bottles of beer against a brick wall on a hot sum- ,mer day is a sight to make a saint grow thirsty.
 Mexico is perhaps the richest country on the globe in natural wealth, but it's per capita wealth is not worth mention ing.
 The French are willing to go slow in their advance, a plan which the Germans are doing all in their power to assist.
 Medicine shows are offering s1O week to versatile comedians Still. the exper- fence is probably worth something.
 * < Politics not only makes strange bedfel- lows, but sometimes induces a candidate Frances wine output is twice what it was last year. Henri, another bottle of champagne.