davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1916-12-23

vidual within the period for which
such extension is DESIRED y'under-
stand"
That's nothing" BirSky said. 'Take
for instance John d. Rockefeller, and
after his bookkeepers got through fill
ing out No. 81, Total amount derived
from royalties from mines, oil wells,
patents. franchises or other legalized
privileges Zapp, wouldn't be sur
prised that two dozen adding machines
was ruined on account they wasn't
built to take such heavy figures like
they run through Them
well, what difference does it make
how heavy them figures was?'' Zapp
said. ION the other side of the page
stands No. 35, Amount allowed to
cover depletion in case of mines and
oil wells,' understand, and you could
take it from me, Birsky, a smart bust
ness man like Rockafellar, with all the
expert bookkeepers he's got, would
easy fill out No. 50 in such n way that
them Income Tax people couldn't
prove otherwise but what they owed
Mr.. Rockafellar $3.50, 462.53.'
you're right, Zapp," Birsky said,
land anyhow, Zapp, all he's got to do
4 to pay his income tax for 1915 to 1862,
inclusive, is. to put up the price of
gasolene a couple of cents a gallon"
HE done that already, Birsky,'
| Zapp said. I'm fact, Birsky, he put
i. up so high that they appointed a
committee of Congressman to investi-
| gate it; and the evidence shows that
when Mr.. Rockafellar started to fill
out No. II, Total amount derived from
salaries and wages understand, he
discovered that under the decision of
the United States Supreme Court he
was 1854 presidents of 1854 COM
panieS which used to was the Standard
| Oil Company of New Jersey, y'under-
| stand, and that he got 1854 salaries
amounting to S35, 624, 3SO. 5000, under
stand me. He then figured out the in
come tax on it to be equivalent to an
| increase of &c on gallon gasolene in
| New York, Pennsylvania, Massachu-
sets and Illinois, and done so immedi-
| ately. Afterwards Michigan, Ohio and
New Jersey was added when he fig
ured out the income tax on No. 10, To
tai amount derived from interest on
notes, mortgages, bank deposits and
securities, other than reported on Hines
IL and 90 understand, and when he
got down to No -, Total amount de
rived from other sources not enumerat.
ed above understand, and the CHIEF
bookkeeper showed him the figures
understand me, after they had loosene6
his collar, famed him and given hin
smelling salts, he raised his head and
summoning all his strength, he wills
pered a telegram to raise gasolene ter
cents a gallon throughout the whole
United States, Great Britain and Ire
land, France. Germany and the Yves
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1916-12-23

zapp, which it don't make no differ
ence if you got a child or an adopted
child, Zapp, you get marked off a hum
bred dollars anyhow. So L figure that
if 1 would go to work and adopt from
an orphan asylum, enough children to
offset my income, y'underStand L could
put 'em to work selling papers, and
from the proceeds 1 could board EN-
and have a surplus to apply on my
Federal income tax"
Its a good idee. Birsky," Zapp
agreed; "but what show does a Teller
like you stand to carry it out?"
''Why not?" Birsky asked.
Because you'll find that all them
multi-millionaires has already bought
options on every orphan asylum in the
United States" Zapp replied, land if
after offsetting their incomes them mill
lionaires has got any orphans left on
their hands, Birsky, you could bet your
life that the very least they would
hold them at would be $50 an orphan
net cash.
81 don't agree with you, Zapp,'' Bir-
sky said. 1.-The way incomes is taxed
nowadays people don't want to make
money no more. In fact, If these here
income taxes keep up, Zapp, it will
soon be that if you meet a Teller on the
subway with one of them graveyard
looks on his face, and you say to him,
Halo, Max. You look like your best
customer would OF failed on you, he
will say: I wish he had. Why, what's
the troubleT you ask him, and his eyes
fill with tears. Business is TERRIBLE
he tells you. Last year we made over
a hundred thousand dollars and this
year it's worse yet We got out our
trial balance yesterday and it looks
| like we are ahead hundred and fifty
thousand dollars Considering that
| this brings him under the 4 per cent
supertax and he's got ruin staring him
| in the face, what can you say to such
a Teller, Zapp?"
Nothing" Zapp replied, except to
| tell him when him and his family is
starving in two rooms on Forsyth
| Street, on account they only got hun
bred and forty-four thousand dollars a
| year left to live on, Birsky, that your
wife would call round there with once
in a while a little cold meat from yes
terday's dinner or some Grade B milk
| for the baby"
But joking aside" Birsky said, ''the
| United States was able to pay its bills
before they had an income tax and
everybody was satisfied, whereas now
adays they don't raise no more money
by it and everybody is kicking, so what
is the use of an income tax anyway
"Wen, I'll tell you. Birsky," Zapp
said. '.it don't do no harm that once in
a year a business man should be on an
average only sixty cents truth ON the
dollar"
lCopyright. New York Trfbune.)
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1916-12-23

S6S-25. and in the second place when
tell you something in th@ strictest con-
ddence, Zapp, do you think you are
acting like gentleman that you throw
1t up in my teeth at time like this?''
Zapp shrugged his shoulders.
"For my part, Birsky, you could of
made $6.S25," he said, land entered it
up as No. 81, losses actually sustained
during the year incurred in trade or
arising from fires, storms or ship
wrecks and not compensated by insur-
ance or otherwise What is it my bust
ness? And anyhow, Birsky. If the In
come Tax people comes to you and
says they want to look at your bank
book, and they see on September 18th
-$6S25. and they ask you did You enter
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1916-12-23
Indian Islands; and that's the way Il

Indian Islands; and that's the way ft
happened. Birsky-"
Hes only fooling himself at that"
Birsky commented, because in 1917
when it comes time to fix up hiS in
come tax return again, he's got staring
him in the face all them profits which
he would got to enter up under No.
Ia, Total amount derived from bust
ness, trade, commerce or sales or deal
ings in property, whether real or per-
sonal,> understand; and when he sees
what an income tax he's got to pay on
it. Zapp, he'll kick himself that he didn't
reduce the price of gasolene instead of
raising it 1 tell you, Zapp, money
amt everything after all. 1t used to
be considered that Teller with an
income of 100000 a year was lucky
man, but nowadays when he's got to
pay in addition to the regular one per
cent tax a super tax of six per cent,
he leads a dawg's life, Zapp."
.tWell, he might just as well put a
smiling face on it, Birsky, because he's
got more coming to him yet" Zapp
said. 'Next year we would all got to
pay a State income tax as well as .
Federal income tax
''Sure, know" Birsky said, ''and /
provided for it."
What do you mean-you provided
| for it?' Zapp demanded.
"Why, in this here State income
| tax" Birsky explained, there's an ex-
| emption of 500 for each child you got
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1916-12-23

Barnett Zapp the waist manu-
facturer said as he withdrew
from his breast pocket long brown
envelope containing his income tax re
turn, that 6.31416 per cent of the peo-
pie of the United States must got to
pay income tax, and $500 per cent of
the remainder says to them: You
should ought to be glad that you've got
an income big enough to pay taxes on
So I might just as well let you know
right here and now, Birsky, that the
next Teller which says that to me
would find out how a man who could
be a perfect gentleman when he wants
to be could also act like loafer at
times"
Say Louis Birsky the real estater
protested, 81 got one of them income
tax returns myself for over a month
now, Zapp, and tried phenacetin and
I tried strong coffee, and all I've filled
out so far is my name and address"
"Well don't you know: Were you
single or married with wife or hus
band living with you on December 81
of the year for which this return is
rendered." said Zapp, quoting from
the blank.
Birsky nodded his head despairingly.
an she should stay home and tend to
the house." he declared with a bitter
emphasis on the word begged, "but she
said it was the last chance she would
got to see her sister and brother-in-law
in Rochester before they moved away
to San Francisco, Colt sci dank so she
left here at O'Clock December 80, and
didn't get home till January f."
"Wen put it in anyway that she was
living with you on December 31st, "
Zapp advised. ssHow should they
know that your wife was visiting her
sister in Rochester on that day?'
Listen, Zapp,'' Birsky said, "a real
estater is got whole lot of enemies
brokers he done out of commissions,
tenants he dispossessed and fellers
which think he stuck 'em on certain
deals, understand, and all of them
fellers would be only too glad to write
to the Income Tax people a Synony-
nous letter NIT an alias name signed
to 1t, that my wife was in Rochester
on December 31st, and the consequence
is to save $40 note, I am running a
chance of getting from twenty to a
thousand dollars a fine.'
'Then suppose you would also put
In that $75.25 which you were telling
m, you made last September in Trape-
zoid Fillum Preferred Zapp said.
Birsky turned pale.
ST told you I made $75.25 in that Fill
lum stock?" he exclaimed. when did
told you such a thing? I'm surprised
to hear you talk that way, Zapp."
'What do you mean-surprised to
hear me talk that way?' Zapp retort-
ed ''When got stung on that Inter
national Chocolate and Cocoa common
last September, Birsky, didn't you call
me all kinds of suckers for putting my
good ninety dollars into that thing, and
didn't you show M check from one
of them quacks which call themselves
curb workers for $75.25?"
81 showed you a check for $75,25?'
Birsky cried. ''That only goes to show
what for friend you are, ZappI In
the first place, the check was fol
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1916-12-23
Americas Rat Population.

The board bill for American rats is
about SIS, 900, 900 annually. DIR. Rich
ard III. Creel, who has earned big lau-
rels as an expert in figures, estimates
the rate population as equal to the hui
man population. But unless proper
preventive measures are taken speed
lily, the rats in the country Will make
a charge on our resources far in excess
of the present figure. As rapid breed
ers, rats leave the guinea pigs far in
the rear. From ten to eighteen rats
arrive in a litter. Litters are bimonth-
ly events in rat nests, and the young
rats begin to multiply when they are
from three to six months old. Rats
have become a real national menace.
Boston Globe.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1916-12-23
RESIGNED to the Inevitable

81 hate SOAP" said Kitty. "Why
do they put soap on you, should like
to known
"Why, you don't want to be dirty
GIRL said the nurse. you have to
put soap on you to get clean"
"Well, the birds and the horses and
other things don't have soap, and they
are always clean"
Nurse was stumped for few min
utes, and then Kitty answered her own
question. "Of course" she said, 81
haven't bill or a tongue long enough
to lick myself clean, so I suppose I'll
have to put up with SOAP"
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1916-12-23

why. these apples are dirty" COM
planned the young housekeeper.
"Well. yes, they are" admitted the
farmer. you see they are windfans,
and that In why 1 can sell them so
cheap"
you mean they've fallen from the
trees on to the ground, but they are
otherwise all rightY the customer in
quired; then, proud of her ready I'M
Outstanding, she bought them
Several days later she called the
farmers wife on the telephone
81 ordered the best cucumbers for
picking" she said sharply, land
you've sent me windfalls %
"Sent what?' gasped the farmers
wife.
"WindfalI cucumbersi I can tell ;
you needn't think 1 can't. There's dirt
on them youths Companion.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1916-12-23

1t on line % of your income tax re-
turn, and If not why not, Birsky, all
you've got to do. Birsky. Is to tell them
that the $6S25 was given to you by
curb broker to keep it for little while
for him until he wants it again. be-
cause sooner or later, Birsky, that's
what's going to happen to your $68.25.
Nobody can do you nothing for telling
the truth, Birsky-not even the Income
Tax people"
my wife's uncle Julius has got the
laugh on all OF u.s." Birsky said. with a
sigh Of envy HE imports imported
English briar root pipes from Germany,
and last year he lost in his business
six thousand dollars He should worry
about income taxesr'
"Sayw Zapp rejoined. 'You think
you are in bad. Listen for a moment
what it must be to leffer like Charles
L. Schwab or Abraham Carnegie. bet
you Mr.. Carnegie started to make up
hiring two floors in the Singer Building
and force of hundred and fifty GER
tilted public accountants, and probably
right now he is giving a thousand dol
lars to a stomach specialist for a let
ter saying that he has got a bad sick
ness, so that he could get a postpone
ment under No. 5, When the return is
not filed in the regular time by reason
of sickness an extension of so days
may be granted, provided a written ap-
plication therefor is made by the indi-
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1916-12-23

enemy. Inc KING
made 1t possible
for this man TO
C e a s e worrying
concerning TIL e
material things
of life. What a
r e lief w ul d
come to many
of us if we could
be absolutely GER
tain, as we look
out into the fu-
t ur e, that all
needs would be
supplied. A n d
surely we may
have the relief
for God will be
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1916-12-23
TORTURING SKIN TROUBLES
That Itch, Burn and Disfigure Healed
by Cuticura. Trial Free.

Battle with plenty of Cuticura Soap
and hot water to cleanse and purify.
Dry lightly and apply Cuticura Oint-
ment to soothe and heal. This stops
itching instantly, clears away pimples,
removes dandruff and scalp irritations,
and heals red, rough, sore hands.
Free sample each by mail with Book.
Address postcard, Cuticura, Dept. L,
Boston. Sold everywhere.-Adv.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1916-12-23

Red Cross Ball Blue, made in America,
All good grocers. Adv.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1916-12-23

The laxative properties of fruits anC
vegetables are not destroyed by can
ming them.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1916-12-23
Continual
Supply
BY REV. B. B. SUTCLIFFE
Extension Department. Moody Bible
Institute. Chicago

TExT-There was a continual allow
ance given him of the king, every day q
portion. all the days of his hfe--II Kings
These words describe the treatment
given by the king of Babylon to his
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1916-12-23
no more necessary

-ERuV@eA Is no more necessary
VDAEEEEH than Smallpox. Army
HAEV experience has demonstrates
the almost miraculous eff
cacy. and harrnIessness, Anttyphoid Vaccination.
Be vaccInztcd NOW by your physician, you and
your family II Is more vital than house insurance.
Ask your physician, druggist, or send for Have
you had Typhoid7' telling Of Typhoid Vaccine
1esuls from use, and danger from Typhoid Carrierx
Produefng Vaeeines and Ssrums under U. 5. LIsenss
The Cutter Laberatsy. Berkeley. Cal, Chicago. Ill
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1916-12-23

A hot-water heating system for a
siX-room house will cost about S275
to $500.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1916-12-23

Anuric cures Backache, Lumbago,
Rheumatism. Send 10c. DIR. " NJ. Pierce,
Buffalo, N. Y, for large trial package
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1916-12-23

Live to your utmost and your best.
Benson.
Honolulu star-bulletin. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu, Hawaii]) 1912-2010, 1916-11-14
HOSTILE Attacks
BROKEN down BY
TEUTON GUNNERS
German Official Cablegram AS
Serts Yesterdays Fighting
Gained Little for Allies i.
German. nmctall

GERMAN ARMY HEADQUART-
Frs. Nov. T3z-On the west front to,
day. between the Ancre. ana the
Somme there was temporarily strong
artillery fighting. Our fire dispersed
the hostile infantry on the terrain be
fore our positions. South Of Warlen'
court the fire was especially effective
against gatherings ir British trenches.
In Sally and Salissel We hold the
east edge. On both sides Of the VII
lage the French attacked in the after
noon with strong forces but were re-
pulsed. @....... .a..
on the Crown Prince front the
French advance north Of Dollar in Up
per Alsace was launched after an ar
tillery preparation but it failed com,
pletely ...: <-.- -. -:
Eastern arena, Prince Leorold's
front: between the ocean and. the
Carpathian mountains today there
were no important events &c.. 49,.
On Archduke Carts front in the
Gyergva mountains German and aus.
trian battalions CAPTURED Bitca and
Carsuiler. These and the heights east
bank Putna the Ruman;ans attacked
several times without success. On
the mountains on both sides OF Oti0z
PASS hostile advances were repulsed.
Northwest Of Kampolung cur troops
captured Candesti. Southeast Of Re.
tenthurm pass and the Szurduk road
and north of Orsoya the Rumanian
troops made cOunter-attacks without
success. TheE lost besides many
killed more than 1000 taken prisoner
by us. ss..-.. ....:.
On ven Mackensen's front hostile
detachments feeling their way along
the Danube against the left wing of
our positions in northern Dobrudja
were chased back. TchernayOda was
shelled by them without success from
the LETT Danube bank. ..-...
On the Macedonian front, in the
plain of Monastir,, there was strong
artillery fighting today and the Ger
man positions were completely main
tanned in the face of strong hostile
attacks near Lazec and kenali. The
enemy's losses here were very heavy
Honolulu star-bulletin. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu, Hawaii]) 1912-2010, 1916-11-14
aD CLUB ORCHESTRA
WILL ENTERTAIN FOR
MAINLAND VISITORS

TIE Ad Club orchestra viii rak "
IT'S first appearance q the lunch on
Wednesday at the Alexander Young
IIGtel The visitors from Los Angeles
viii. be greeted with music from the
Ie-piccc orchestra. The members oil
the orchestra have a number OF Ha-
waiian selections. and these will be
rendered in AID Club style. The or
chestra VIII not play Wedding of the
Winds" as ii is a very difficult selec-
ton. according to a statement made
by the man at piano United States
senator James Phelan of California. j.
S. Mitchell. president Of the Los An
seles Chamber CT Commerce, and l.. G..
Gilman, president Of the Great North
ern Steamship Company. vii be the
Honolulu star-bulletin. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu, Hawaii]) 1912-2010, 1916-11-14
THE asTARcHAMBERe AGAIN.

BY suppression of part of report on the Inter
Island Steam Navigation Company's affairs, at the
urgent behest of the corporation the public utilities
commission is allowing the worst possible aspect to
be put on the situation.
1t is also violating the spirit if not the letter Of
the public utilities act passed by the legislature of
1918
The fact is fresh in memory that when the bill
passed the legislature il was with the express state
ment that the main power Of the commission was
to be the power of publicity. Admittedly the stat
ute creating the commission and clothing it with au-
fhority was short of teeth" The commission could
10 far in recommendation but had little power of en-.
forcement So the bill was propped up with provi-
iens for publicity The manifest intent of the egs-
3afdre to guarantee that the proceedings of the
co,nnsson should be given the fullest publicity, and
that the power of informed public opinion could be
brought to bear on utility corporations in Hawaii.
T0fhis end the act provided: "All hearings con-
Quoted by the commission shall be open to the pub
lic"ft
In going into star-chamber session yesterday-by
the manifest device of taking recess" and then
conducting an "informal discussion during this re
.eess which discussion was closed to the pubic-the
commission violates the spirit of the utilities act
The commission had before it the report of its
auditor on the expert investigation of Inter Island
affairs which the commissioners had ordered him to
make The Inter Islands attorney objected to GER
4a;p portions of the report and the commission,
after its recess. submitted to the Inter Islands
sbehest
If ii is improper for these portions of the report
Honolulu star-bulletin. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu, Hawaii]) 1912-2010, 1916-11-14
FINDS HONOLULU FOLK
" I'M YOSEMITE VALLEY

B. X Young. freight and ticket
agent of the Yosemite Valley Rail-
road COMPANY. is passenger on the
Great Northern Mr. Ycung's offices
are in FL PDrtal, California
Mr.. Young says that tourist trade
is swelling year b. year in the Yose-
mite valley, and that q good many Ha-
waii people are included in those who
cone to see the wonders OF that part
of the world Last years totals over
the valley railroad were t30,000, and
this year $4,000 in spite of the fact
that the automobile method OF visit
ing the place is becoming more and
more popular The federal government
will spend $4,000 this year on a ma
cadam roadway into the valley.
Honolulu star-bulletin. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu, Hawaii]) 1912-2010, 1916-11-14
Big LEAGUERS
READY TOPLAY
WRECKING Grew
AII-NationaIS Arrive on Great
Northern This Morning in
-. Excellent Shape -.

. We are going to be ready fer the
2ath Infantry team en- Thursday said
Charley Swain manager Of the ALI
Nationals, this morning as he entered
a machine TO make the trip to the
Seaside Hotel, where the big leaguers
are stopping, We've heard about Ro-
gan on the mainland and you can rest
assured that we will not be caught
mapping. II. r.
The All-NatiOnals arrived safe and
sound and Swain said today that not
one Of the players missed q meal dur
ing the trip. They are in good cOndi-
ton and will hold their first workout
this afternoon at Athletic Park. The
practise will begin at O'Clock. The
squad VIII also work out at the park
tomorrow afternoon, preparing for the
first game with the Wrecking Crew.
Harold Janvrin of the Boston Red
Sox will be captain of the team dur
ing the series here. The Boston
player is popular with his teammates
and should prove TO be a hit with the
Honolulu fans The boys are all fine
fellows and credit to the game. The
lineup for the first game is not GER
tain, but it is thought that either
Moves or Johnson will pitch.
AS far as can be ascertained, the
players will lineup as follows when
the bell rings TO start the game:
AlI-Nationals
Jackson, right field. g. .......
" Janvrin, second base.
Kenworthy, center field>
Guisto, first base. ~
Kelly, left field. .....-.. ~, ~
Elliott, catcher. III -.
Bassler, catcher. ,..-...
BOhne, shortstop.
Lizard, third base. ~ 49,
Johnson, pitcher. .... .....
Moves, pitcher. 49,. ~
25th infantry
Cullens, center field III ~.
Swinton, left field. r.. =. ....-.
ROsan, pitcher. ..........
Johnson, catcher ~. +: i +
Smith, shCrtstop. IT,. :-.... i.
Goliah, right field. H..
Hawkins, first base. r.. ....s- ..-.
Moore, third base. ....- ~ =
Fagin, second base. -