The Denison review. [volume] (Denison, Iowa) 1867-current, 1916-10-25
FINNECAN'S PHILOSOPHY
PitiIess Publicity.

| Meself could tell him. where's "Pttl-
less Publicity"? says Hughes. In the
Ash Cam says I. T'was all right on
the stump, but in Washin'ton tits
differ. The Harp that wanst through
Trenton's halls'-I name Tumulty.
Whin he bursts into song now he picks
his chune! i * / r.
"Tis, not that Prlsldlpt Wilson rs
Hess public than Candydate Wilson
| Hes less. pitiless. 'Tis like the show
Elnan. He tells We ALL an more, about
I thf illyfant, but he has Smintal res'pQ-
shune about the spotted baby. +"
F $50 it is wild. WILSON, He's sofned
the hard heart iv 'Pitiless Publicity
How about the Postmasters? axes
the refawrumers. Wen niver tell ye,'
says the C'mishun. For why? says
the League. 'T'wid embarss tn Ad-
ministhrashun,' says the Cmishun.
And the people laughs. 'Ye fired tn
Hid iv the Cinsus.' says Hughes. 'Ye
lie,' says Redfield. He raysined wild
out bein' axed,' says he. ''Ye lie yer
| SELF says Durand. 'Ye towd me ye'd
fire me, an We gev' me place to
politician says Durand. 'Ixac'ly fwhat
| l said,' yells Pink Whiskers, I was
soin' to fire We anyway, but l niver
axed We to raysine,' says Pinky. An
the people roars.
""Tell US about all thin Dishurvin'
Dimmycrats,' says the people. An
Washin'ton is sweep be storm Nv
silence. ~ fa.;z 49, o..
But doan't We think there's no pub.
licity at all. Teddy himself was none
gunshy7Awith the papers, but he cud
| be quiet, too. !" >4-,
"'Well grab some land in Vinzu-
| eely,' says the Anbassydure.
stem'prily,' says he. YEN not says
| Teddy. 'ye'll agree to arbitrate,' says
he, or he says. in tin days Dewey'll
be there says Teddy.
"'NIe Ry'le Masther will niver con-
sint,. says tn other. Thin says Ted
dy, I'll sind Dewey at wanst. There's
no use waitin',' Teddy says. How'd
en-, says the Ambassydure. we
agree says he.-an' divil bit did we
know how it was for dozen year.
-''WeIl have Ferdy Carey alive, or
the Bashi Bazook dead says Teddy,
an back comes Ferdy. An the papers
says On demand Nv the State Depart
ment Ferdy Carey has been released
An that's all.
''How is it now? The greasers
slaughtered, twinty at Sanity Isabel. AN
other Mexican Crisis says the head
lines. 'Twinty Americans killed. they
says. The Prisidint Calm says they.
.Ates Bacon and Eggs. Plays Goluf,'
says the headlines. An the paper
goes. on:
"''The Prisidint's appytite at break
fast was good, tn leader Nv the ma
shun gettin' outside iv' grape fruit,
bacon an eggs, hot biscuit an coffee.
Whin Docther Grayson announced the
: bill Nv fare the tinshun over Mexico
was much relaved. T. -:
1.-The Prisidint is solvin' in privacy
the fateful question, "Will me throat
last?" The answer is waited wild few
erish anxiety
"Mondah, the papers says 'Nashun-
al Disaster? Sore Throat Feared, Pan
ic at the Capital. The Prisldint Calm.
CONSERVATION was spread among
all classes today be the report that
the Prisidint awoke with a sore throat.
Strong men tainted before they cud
reach the nearest saloon. There is
talk Nv appintin' day Nv prayer. 1t
is hoped that Senior Arre-ye-on-though
will claim that the dead Americans
raysisted ixicushun. A high authority
states that this wud end the crisis.
The Prisidint made but wan remark:
CAV they'd not been there they'd not
iv been kilt"
"Choosdah, they says, Hope revives.
No sore throat. Bitten by insect.
Prisidint calm. All Phrases w. Mat
ther to be considered. -
1.-THE anxiety in the Capital was re-
laved today be the followin' bulletin:
"'"The Prisidint has slight per-
foration in the cuticle over the infery-
ure maximary caused by a insect bitin'
him whin asleep. The patient was too
proud to scratch. (Signed) Grayson."
"It is reported also that Gineral
Scott will go to the border to bury the
dead, and apologize to the Insurgents.
He will axe Carranzy, whether he wud
accept loan if offered. This is con-
sidered the thrue Sutton Nv the diff
Guilty.
"Winsdah the Prisidint goes motor
| in, Thursdah he writes note and
| Gineral Scott starts for the border.
Fridah the headlines says Peace in
; Europe near. Prisidint studyin' terms.
Will he stop the war? Another note
expected. Capital excited over report.
"Rut we're comforted be bein' towld
! the Prisidint will not be betrayed
into hasty ackshun.
"Sundah, he's considerin' tn Ar
menyan question, an Mondah he ad'
vises Grandmothers about suckin'
eggs. And another crisis Is past.
$50 it goes ivry day. AS was say.
in, there's a'plenty publicity, but it's
| not the brand Nv. 1912."...,
-, q.
Evidently Mr.. Wilson has made up
~, ,,,,,5 about com othinp, He refars