The Ontario Argus. (Ontario, Or.) 1???-1947, 1916-10-26
FINNEGAN'S PHILOSOPHY
Pftllcss Publicity

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II see Mt. Hughes wud like to know
fwhuts come to 'pitlcss Publicity
Mpsclf could tell him. Where's "piti
lc's publlcityT' says Hughes. In the
Ash Can, suys |. 1rwns all right Oh
tic stump. but IN washln ton It's dlf
fer The Harp that waist through
Trcnton's halls - name Tumulty
" hin he bursts into song now he picks
his chunei
"Tis not that Prisidint Wilson Il
less public than Candydate Wilson
he's less pltlless. 'Tis like the show.
man. lie tells ye all. an more. about
tn illyfant, but he has mlntal res.ya
shune about the spotted baby.
80 Il IL Wild Wilson. He's sorncd
the hard heart " 'Pitiiess Publicity.
How about the Postmastersr axes
the refawrumers Wen niyer tell ys,
says the C'mishun. For whyr says
the League. srwid embar'ss tn Ad
mInisthrashun.' says the C'mishun
And the people laughs. 'Ye nred tn
Hid OF the Clnsus. says Hughes. 'Ys
lie. says Hedneld. He raysined wild.
out bein' axed. saya he. 'le lie yer.
self.' says Durand. 'ye towld me ye'd
nre ne. an 10 gev me place 20 .
poftician. says Durand. lIaciy
fwhat I ssid. yslis Pink whiskers. 4
was goin' to nre - anyway. but
niver sred 70 20 rsysine.' says Pinky.
An the people roars.
Tell Ne about all thin Dishurvin'
Dimmycrats. says the people. An
washin'ton IL swep' be q storm "
silence.
"But dosn't ye think there's no pub.
licity at all. Teddy himself was none
gunshy with the papers, but he cud
bc quiet too.
"'we'li grab some land In ylnxu.
eely. says the Ambassydure. 'tem'pri'
ly.' says be. Yen not says Teddy,
veil agree 90 arbitrate,' says he. or
he says. In tin days Dewey'i be there.
says Teddy.
"Me Ry'le Masther will niver con
sint says tn other. Thin says Ted
dy. III sind Dewey at wanAt There's
no use waltih'' Teddy says iHowld
EN- says the Ambassydure, We
agree says be, an' d,vila BIZ did we
know how, II was for dozen year.
"'wsll haVe Ferds Carey Alive or
the Bashi Bazook dead. says Teddy,
an back comes rerdy. An the papers
,ays 'Oa demand " the stsn Depart.
u'ent frNdy Carey has been released :
An that's all.
\ "HowN IA Il nowi Tn. sreasers
twinty at SANITY Isabel
iAnothsr a uSieIicsno % Crisi<i says the
headlines "Twinty Americans killed
they. says. The Presldlnt Calm says
they tAtes Bacon and Eggs. Plays
Golut.' says the headlines Z An the pa
pee goes on; ~ III CI
eSThe Prisidint's appytite az break.
fast WAS good. tn leader ~ the na'
shun gettin' outsldefy grape fruit, ba'
con an eggs, hot biscuit an coffee.
whip lDoqtheri Gyayson pnnqncedi the
bin " fare the. tinshun over MEXICO
YES mnqh Plsyed, UDtiE lEUD.
The P1sidlnt Is solvin' In privacy
The lfateful question: t'wpl me throat
lastj" The answer Is waited wild fe'
vetish tpEiety.l tplQOIQ
"MOndah the pa pers says; 'Nashpnal
Sore Throat Feared! Panic
at the Capital! The Ptsidlnt Calmt /
CONSERVATION was spread among
all classes today be the report that
the Prisidint swoke with a sore throat
strong men tainted before they cud
reach the nenrekt saloon. There Is
talk " sppintil 1 day " prayer 1t Is
hoped that ssnpt Arre.ye-on-though
win claim that the dead Americans
raysisted ixicnshuu. A high Authority
states that tnIs ~ud end the crisis,
The Prisidint made but wan remerk'
"Ay they 4 not been there they'd not "
been Kit" i3 ~
yChoosdah. they says, Hope revires
No sore throat, Bitten by insect
President calmS All Phrases iv Mat
ther 90 be considered. C
es.1he anxiety In the Capital was re
layed today be the followin' bulletin;
@s.sThe I'risidint has a slight per
foratlon in the cuticle over the infery-
ure maxImary caused be a insect bitin
him. " hin asleep The patlept was too
proud 70 scratch lsigned) .Grayson.'
"'ft Is reported also that Gineral
Scott will 90 TO the border TO bury the
dead. aud apologize TO the insurgints
He will axe Carranzy, whether he wud
accept a loan II offered. This Is con
sidered the thrue slutiOn " the dim
eulty'r "a NC- IN z.i
\ sWinsdah the Prisidlnt goes motor
in, Thursdah he writes note and
Gineral Scott starts for the border
Fridah the headlines says Peace I'm
Europe near. President studyin' terms
Will he stop the warl Another note
axpected. Capital excited over report!
"But we're eomforLed be bein, towld