Charlevoix county herald. (East Jordan, Mich.) 189?-1953, 1916-06-30
"JITNEY JIM"
DOESN'T WANT
TO BE A HERO.

Myrtle, the lovely box-office girl,
said this in way that Jitney Jim failed
to understand. Somehow he didn't
feel as big as when he first staggered
into the lobby of the Flytime Movie
Palace.
81 tho't you'd be in Mexico by this
time, she added coldly.
"What? NE go to Mexico" demand
ed Jitney Jim, with rarest surprise. 81
never said wanted to 90 to Mexico.
Not me! o. course, admit that I've
yelped time an time again that Mex
ereo oughter be cleaned up. But |
wouldn't think o. crowdin' General
Funston out O. his job, an him workin'
so hard all these years for . raise in
salary. I'm willin' to stand by an let
him hook all the glory. An besides, |
got as much appetite for glory as | got
fer fricasseed rubber boot"
Myrtle kept looking at him in such
chilly way that Jitney Jim felt it in
cumbent to do little more explaining.
"You see, never was very anxious
to see the scenery OF Mexico. My mot
to is, "See America First" And until
I've lamped the beauties of my own
country amt in no hurry to feast my
orbs on furrin' lands. amt seen
much O. my own country yet. | amt
been to Coney Island to spear the
noble hot dog in its native lair; amt
been to Mount Washington or Peaks
Pike; amt picked roses in Portland
or danced the rag in Frisco or rubber
necked in New York or coughed in
Denver.
"That's the reason why amt in no
hurry to go seein' sights an gun sights
in dear old Mexerco. Maybe ten years
or so from now I'll be ready to take it
in. One O. the wonders O. this here
continent | amt seen yet is the Cana
dian Rockies. Yesterday tall guy in
army clothes brushes up an asks me if
don't wanter go to Mexerco. An
right there my eyes turned to the north
an my heart flowed over, an says:
''Oh, you beautiful Canadian Rockies!"
Myrtle's scorn had not relaxed for
moment. Also she was eying with
no minor interest the erect figure of a
man-in olive drab who was gazing at
the lobby posters.
Maybe you think amt patriotic, I"
pleaded Jitney Jim. "That's very un-
just of you, Myrtle. My patriotism is
just like my good manners | ain
tryin' TO show 'em all the time like
some people. But when worst comes
to worst, Pm willin' to do my bit
"Who was right down to the station,
cheerin' the brave boys off to the mo-
bilization camp? Who stood right
there, with tear dimmed eyes, while
the trains pulled out wavin' hand
kerchief even though needed it for
myself. Who Clipped in to buy box
O. cigars for Private Truax of our office
when he marched away? That's ME-!
can I've KEEP right on, doin' my bit.
At the movies when the American
soldiers come onto the screen don't
j wait for nobody else to applaud. start
l it myself. You don't know what courage
an energy an elbow grease it takes,
i Myrtle. to work up movie crowd to
cheer the. Old Flag Once you get EN-
] started it's easy. Then the problem is
how to stop 'em. But don't try to
stop 'em. Gettin' throwed out on my
bean once is enough"
"Well, you brave boy, Pm surprised
! ! to see that you lived through it," re-
/ marked Myrtle.
i Eyes, an I'll keep it up through thick
i an thin," announced Jitney grimly
Il "My palms is calloused from clappin'
i an they're SO red that they look like
il the interior view of ham sandwich. ,
'Look-a here, Mista Man," sale
Myrtle, sternly. "Ain't you willin' tC
i 90 to the front"
"Oh, yes, oh, yes" Jitney Jim as
sured her. 81 jist can't wait till ge
to that little old front But I'll only q
. in one capacity. don't want to be
general. None o. them soft jobs fe
u mine. When ! hike to 1.-The front
} wanter be what wanter be. An that
movin' pitcher OPP 'rator.
u "The movin' pitcher op., that's tn,
life fer me. I'll start fer Mexico OH tn,
jump, as soon as they fix me up with
three-legged movie camera an re
d volver an box O. windproof matches
That's been my life ambition, Myrtle
to put great war on the fillums If
was sojer I'd put it on the bum.
70 can then as the battle ragged woul,
10 tell the artillery to shoot a little highe
g an quit knockin' off my hat. An l.,
ID clap my hands an stamp my foot an
d. say, No, MOI An in an instant tn
* battle would stop, while bawled ou
Id the general staff fer lookin' at tn
Id camera. An wouldn't stand fer n
back talk, either, exceptin' from tn