The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1916-07-19
LEARNING GOLLUF
If You Would Remain Sane,
Watch Your Friends.
Taking Everybody's Advice is
Sure to Bring Disaster.
nv FRANK G. MENKE.

New York, July 19.-Once upon
time a Corpulent Business Person oe-
c,ded to take up golluf as means OF
reducing his avoirdupois. Whereupon
he beat it to a neighboring sporting
GOODS shop and took unto himself
large flock of link paraphernalia,
which cost him quite a COB of dough.
and he then purchased membership IN
a golluf club.
81 vearn to acquire gollufing knowl-
edge" Corpulent Person confided IN d
friend. What professional can you
recommend? ?"
nix on the professionals. old KID
responded the frlend.
waste of good kale. Leave |. ~ e
I'll teach you"
! The friend then led the Corpulent
Person to the green sward ana put
him through a course of sprouts;
you do as 1 have told you and aon on,
mind anyone else, said the irieho'
upon concluding the lesson.
The next day the Corpulent Person
was puttering around when another
friend came along.
Taken up golluf, hey? shouteo
the friend. Who's your teacher
The Corpulent Person mentioned
that he had taken the advice of Friend
Number One and hadn't hired pro-
/ fessional. whereupon Friend Number
Two shuddered.
Horror of Horrors.
-"Horrors. man." he shrieked- Don't
make such an awful mistake. Hire
professional Get Hiram Flapdoodle
He's the best in the country. GU
must learn the game right; otherwise
you always will be a dub.
The Corpulent Business Man de-
cided that maybe Friend Number one
| has given him bum steer and so ne
/ hired Hiram at five bucks per hour.
! Hiram found many faults with Cor
pulent and PANIED him ever and anon
during the first lesson. The Corpulent
party inwardly resented the superior
attitude of the youthful Hiram, but he
! suppressed his angry emotions for the
good of the cause.
! Hiram soon discovered many faults
! concerning the clubs in the kit of the
Corpulent Party.
They amt worth darn" said
Hiram IF you wanta become a
Gollufer buy some clubs that l make
especially for men like you. They
come high but they are worth it.
And SO the Corpulent Person heaved
his clubs into a ditch and bought a
I supply from Hiram. For week or
so he continued his lessons with Hi
ram, and then Hiram went away from
those parts and another instructor
doomed in the offing. The Corpulent
Person hired out as Pupil to the
new teacher at $3.50 per hour.
! Your stance is terrible; your eff
/ forts at putting are clownish: those
clubs you've got are jokes were
! among the first statements issued by
the new instructor. That other
teacher you had made a mess of
things. I'll have to teach you all over
again.
Whereupon he started out, but he
| didn't progress any real distance be-
Y fore Hiram met another Friend who
explained his Plight.
In Sore Straights.
Il am Sorely Perplexed," asserted
a Golluser. I had Hunch it wouldn't
of the Pastime. So 1 bought me a
flock of clubs and then Bill Smithers
said he would teach me. Said I'd be a
Boob if l hired a Professional. Bill
gave me some lessons and then 1 en-
countered Oscar Jones. He said I was
a Boob because l didn't take lessons
from a Professional Then 1 Hired
out to Hiram F1apdoodle, at Five
Bucks an hour, and Hiram panned me
as a Dub.
Il thought the clubs I had were al
right, but Hiram said they were al
wrong. So 1 threw them away ano
bought Bunch from him, and believe
me they came high. Then Hiram quit
his job here and another instructor
came. l took a job as student under