The Owosso times. (Owosso, Mich.) 1897-1926, 1916-10-20
FINNEGAN'S PHILOSOPHY
Purging the Heart.

ouiteS TIE OiNh otTNiCc NUN anu &c
freshin' Jobs gushes foorth for thursty
but dishurvin' Dimycrats. He blows
on horn an ivrythin' falls for ut.
II the people call him liver so soft,
Little Samuel had no quicker ear. An
for sacryficin' what's dear to his heart,
Abraham had nawthin' on him. Sure
he is Dimocricy's shield an exceedin'
great reward.
"Tfs his Presbyterian bringin' up,
I'm thinkin.' Furst he adopts policy !;
thin he thries to justify 1t, thin he
sanctifies 1t wild a phrase, while choir
Nv Dishurvin Dimmycrats sings q
hymn. An there We are. Justification,
Adoption an Sankty-ficashun.
1.-THE choir med great harmony whin
Jim Smith, George Harvey an Bill
Brine was all in ut. But wan be wan
their vices cracked an they passed out
iv the life Nv the great Idaylist.
Harvey went back to edith an Bill
Brine whit in search iv the Howly
Kale. McCombs was canned, because
him an Billy McAdoo cuddent sing a
duet, an Oscar Underwood was weak
on Tariff ragtime. But Wudthrow die
grated thin all. Wild f'what say We?
Wild the Order Nv the Double Cross.
Ohio. mind well the time at the
Manhattan Club, whin he kissed Brine
an kicked Harvey wild wan motion.
Now the choir has what WudthrOw
calls the vital stuffs Nv life Stone an
McAdoo Danyiels an Jim Ham Lewis,
wild Redfield for the high falsettO.
Wudthrow sits wild his hands crossed
while the stuffs sings songs Nv praise,
an Col. House winds the Victhrola.
"Wudthrow is fond iv music, but
Colonel House himself is the quiet
man. Faith av he danced Clog on
Washbiler ye'd niver hear sound.
"Well, wan night in August the
Colonel come tiptoein' in through the
basement dure.
allows the game, Colonel?' says
Wudthrow. $685. the Colonel says
'Ye might round up a few more votes
says he. scratchin' his ear wild an
absent air.
"'Aint I got the full dnner-pail'sT
axes Wudthrow, anxious like. All
that's forgot the first two year and
half says House pleasantly. 'Aint
I KEEP EN- out O. WARP axes Wudthrow.
Part o. tn time says House rubin
his left shin wild the felt-slipper on
his right foot. 'Aint my voice our
greatest liquid assetY axes Wilson
earnestly. It's some voice. says House,
but lot Nv suckers can't tell asset
firm an li'bility, the Colonel says
"F'what are we drivin' at says
Wilson, four flushing little.
"'Arre We watchin' the striker says
House. Half a millyun votes might
be useful says House, tiptOein' out
through the dure, an closin's ut behind
him.
swell, Sir, he left Wudthrow sunk
in profound miditashun. At last he
spakes. Il hear he says, In a low
sweet tone that Vice Nv the people.
which Is to me as the vice Of a Car
negie Penshun.' Oh he says thrill
lin in ivry nerve, must indade sacry-
flee wan more IDOL says he, ON the
altar Nv me COunthry! says Wud-
throw.
"'Was not the Wan Turn Plank he
says; an the Sugar Tax he says;
AN the Tariff for Rev'noo,' he says;
an all me friends, beside says he,
sixteen per'fly good Mexican Policies
was not all thin enough?' he axes
in agony. But I will purge me Heart
Nv ivry pers'nal fought says he,
startin' for bed. An before he re-
tires, he takes a Heart Purge Nv his
own invinshun the way it III wurk
while he sleeps. / dinnaw f'what the
purge Is. IT'S secret.
I'm the morn he was puzzled. He
wanted a great sacryfisc of a pur-
rinciple, dear to his heart, but he'd
used most Nv thin already, an' he felt
that this was no time for second hand
or slightly damaged sacryfises. So
he sends for House. Colonel says
he, 'Fwhat pur-rinciple d'yr think
wud be an acceptable sacryfise in this
great morel imargincyT he axes
anxiously.
"'Whisper,' says the Colonel. And
he said wan wurd in Wudthrow's ear,
and faded silently away through the
dure.
"For wan instant Wudthrow stud
spellbOund. Thin he burst into a
whoop; "The Ram in the Bushes
cries he wild tears Nv j'y.
"T'was an impressive ceremony
whin the sacryfise was solemny-ised
at the Capitol.
"The PROCESSION started fom the
White House wild the Prisidint walkin'
ahead carryin' the Ram in wan hand
an box iv Safety-First matches in
tn other. He was followed by a coon
bearin' four gold pans, and behind
came four Union Chiefs ridln' on milk
white steeds followed be a group Nv
Railroad Prisidints, Stock Holders,
Farmers, Shippers and Consumers,
loaded wild chains. After a short SER
mon to Congress on Purgin' the
Heart the Prlsidint laid the Ram on
tn altar, an imprissively stabbed 1t
wild the four gold pens while the choir
sang Holy, Holy, Holy. The Prlsi-