New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1916-08-04
Owning the Yanks
Thrown to the Sharks
By W. o. MCCLELLAN. .

REEL Frank Farrell, precociou,
but penniless baseball magnate. loads
the Yankees into cart and starts to
drive them TO the ferry where he in
tends them to be shovelled into a barge
and dumped somewhere outside the
three-mile limit. Cap. Huston. con-
tented contractor, and Col. Rupert, a
blithe brewer, overtake the cart near
the ferry.
What have you got there. Frank?'
ask the Cap. and the Col. in duet
"A load of junk" replies Frank.
"Giddap."
Wait" the Cap. and the Col shout
together. 1--WE will buy it,"
The Cap. and the Col. draw out their
checkbooks and the ink begins 70 flow.
CLOSEUP view of the checks cut out
by the Board Of Censors)
The Cap. and the Col. get into the
cart and start it in the direction OF
the Polo Grounds.
"Now that we have a team. all that
We have 10 do is to win a pennant,"
says the blithe brewer.
That's ALL" says the contented con-
tractor.
REEL BAN Johnson, a baseball
Gar, calls a special meeting in order
that the baseball magnates may meet
the newcomers, the Cap. and the Col.
The Cap. and the Col. arrive at the
door of the meeting place. their faces
registering JOY. They are about TO
meet the wonderful sportsmen who
control organized baseball.
Over the entrance there is a sign
which reads: "The magnates will not
be responsible for any dough brought
into the meeting place. Members who
bring their rolls with them do so at
their own risk
The Col. moves toward the desk TO
check his valuables, but the Cap. re
strains him. why the precaution"
he asks. There must be honor among
magnates."
AS the Cap. and the Col. enter two
Western Magnates fall upon their
necks. When the embrace is over the
Col. is shy a watch and chain and the
Cap. finds that somebody has accident
ally removed the diamond from his
scarfpin with pair Of nippers.
I'VE want you to feel right at home"
says the Car of the American League.
I'VE want you 70 be one Of us. or
rather two of u.s."
"Well. III do my best" says the Cap.
But I'm afraid that 1 am too fat TO
climb a porch
That's So" says the Car critically.
"But there are lots of other things you
might do TO elevate baseball. Have you
ever swung a blackjack or had any ex-
perience with the sandbag? Well, never
mind. You'll soon learn"
REEL 3-The Cap. and Col. go into
the baseball market TO buy some play
ers in order TO strengthen their team.
One Of their brother magnates from the
West had an infielder that looked just
to be what they wanted.
How much for this ONE" they de-
manded.
well, we were thinking of selling
him to the Old Roman for $4,000. but
you can have him for $4,000" replied
the magnate.
why the bargain rates for u.s." de-
manded the bithe brewer sarcastically.
you are new in the game or you
wouldn't ask me-" replied the magnate
pityingly. But you'll learn"
Then they saw an outhelder who
batted over 800. How much for this
one7" they asked.
"Oh, you can't have that one" replied
the magnate. THE Old Roman gets
him. But can let you have a couple
of old ones who bat around 1926"
After they leave the place the Cap.
and the Col. find that somebody had
unlaced their shoes and stolen their
socks while they were inside.
REEL 4-The Cap. and the Col. visit
the estate Of Frank Butcher, a wealthy
farmer-player. They carry with them
load OF currency and bonds. Frank
Butcher counts the roll and is just
about TO sign a contract when he holds
his hand and his face registers conster-
nation.
"Who will take in my crops il go
back 70 the diamond" demands Frank.
The Col. points 70 the Cap. The Cap.
reluctantly takes up hoe and begins
work on Frank Butchers potatoes. The
Col. hurries Butcher TO New York.
REEL Frank Butcher starts for
the Yanks at the Polo Grounds. On his
first play he runs into the grandstand
and breaks all Of his ribs At the same
time five more OF the New Yanks are
taken to the hospital, while those who
are left are bruised in diving from the
waterwsgon.
REEL 6-The Cap. and the Col. are
walking along Broadway. They meet
Frank Farrell driving the dumpcart.
Hey, Frank" the Cap. and the Col.
shout. Drop around and let US load
the Yankees back into that cart"
Not on your life!" shouts Farrell,
whipping up the horses. "Giddapl" The
Cap. and the Col. are left standing at
Forty-second Street and Broadway
watching the golden sunset. It is the
only thing golden they have left