Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1916-04-11
MARRYING
A HUMORIST
By M. QUAD
BY M. QUAD
Copyright, 1876 by the Mcclure
Newspaper Syndicate.

Bessie Banks mother declared that
| her daughter was born smiling and
that she laughed heartily six weeks
before the ordinary child. male or fe-
male. even cracks a smile. As she
grew up she became more smiling still.
In the same village lived Henry
White, young man of solemn thought
and solemn face Nobody had ever dis
covered that he had laugh. Once in
a great while a fieeting smile crossed
his face. He was carpenter by trade.
and he took life as seriously as if it
was fated that he should fall from a
scaffold next day and break his neck.
He was attracted to Miss Bessie by her
laugh. and he reasoned it out:
1t is time l should get a wife. Ev-
erybody says | am too solemn and seri-
Gus, and / guess they are right about
it. 1t would not do for me to marry
solemn. serious girl. l shall therefore
marry one who can liven ME up and
make me smile and laugh as other
folks do. Bessie Banks would do it.
| shall therefore marry her if she will
have me-"
He tried about a dozen times to tell
her of his great desire, and she helped
him with a merry laugh. The more
she laughed the more courage she gave
him and the firmer his mind was made
up never to marry any girl who was
lacking in mirth.
In due time the words were spoken
and a favorable answer received. Then
| the marriage day was set and in due
time also that date arrived. In due
| time Henry White knocked off his job
of shingling a roof of a kitchen and
went to livery stable for a horse and
| buggy He was to call at her house at
a certain hour, and they were to drive
five miles out into the country to be
married by minister who was a cous-
! in to him. He arrived at the house
expecting her to be all ready and to
smile and laugh as she came out to
| take a seat beside him.
To Henry's great establishment the
| bride to be was not at home and wait
| ing for him, although the hour had
been named the previous evening. Miss
BeSsie's mother said there must be
some mistake about it, as her daughter
| had gone to a neighbours mile away
and would not be back for several
| hours Henry had worked up a smile
as he drove up to the gate of the
Banks residence, but it quickly faded
and became a very, very solemn thing
| He drove away in search of the bride,
| and she came out to the gate with the
same old merry laugh on her lips.
How is this?" asked Henry. 1--WE
were to be married at this hour Have
you backed out?"
"Oh, no, no, no." was the reply. "YOu
see, thought it would be good joke
to run away from you and make you
| hunt me up
That was her first joke as a bride
| and Henry soon discovered that a SOL
| emn, serious girl would have made him
less trouble than a merry one. They
had not been housekeeping two weeks
before he came to supper one evening
to find that the only evidence Of g meal
was a dish of sliced cucumbers and
some very cold tea.
| "Why. what does this mean?" he
| asked as he took his chair and looked
| over the table.
Il wanted to play you joke" was
the reply, followed by peal of laugh
| ter.
But can't see the joke" protested
| tha hmm who l<navU fhnTo
was a-plenty in the house to eat.
| "Oh, it's so funny, it's so funny,
Henry! l wish you could see how SOL
| emn your face looks. l am afraid you
are not going to be much of a joker"
| The next good joke played on
Henry was few days later. He came
home to find twelve cats in the sitting
room, and they were engaged in live
| ly row as he entered.
| For heavens sake! What are all
these cats doing?" he demanded.
| All the answer he got was a merry
| peal of laughter, and he grabbed the
| broom and went in among the fighting
| felines and drove them out of the
| house with many a poke and whack.
There was one more Joke" One day
a tin peddler came along. and as some
| of his wares were wanted in the house
| and Bess had no money with which to
| buy. she traded Henry's Sunday suit
| and a rug or two in exchange. "EX-
| change" meant in this case that she
| had to dispose of about SIS worth of
| articles for about IS of tinware, and
| yet when the husband came home she
was all a-futter to tell him of the great
| bargain she had made and the joke
she had worked off on the peddler. She
smiled and laughed and chuckled, but
Henry broke out into words of indigna-
| ton and even INDUCED in threats. She
laughed at his words and that night
she crept softly out of bed and return
ed to her fathers house. and when
Henry visited her next morning her
| father and mother and herself said:
Henry you are too solemn. No one
can drive joke into your head with a
Sledge hammer 1t is better that you
and Bessie separate and get a divorce
and that you marry Abigail Jones. who
is an old maid of forty years and who
is so solemn that she would not fetch
a smile if she saw any one fall over a
sleeping hog on the sidewalk"
And at last accounts poor Henry was
keeping bachelors hall by himself and
| looking as solemn as rock by the
roadside, and Bessie was laughing to
everybody she met about her trying to
make a born owl see the point in her
| joke. They have not got together
again yet and probably never will.
There was too much fun on one side