The Washington herald., 1916-10-21
Seen and Heard by George Miner.

New forK, OCT. zo.-LotS OF people tell you
that language is quite unnecessary They assert
that one can get along very we'll simply by making
motions; that the great art of pantonlime is a
universal language and none is really needed.
These are the folk who believe in signs.
There are lots of people in the world, however,
who do not believe in signs Mr.. William Caspar
is one of them. The language of the old comic
opera-"signs, omens and predictions are not fc-
tions"-was at one time tenet of his belief. Not
so any more. Not since last summer when he
tried to take an Englishman to the Geological
Gardens in Petrograd.
1t is the custom in all Europe and Latin Amer
ican countries when you are out driving to direct
the driver at each turning and not tell him in ad-
vance where you are going and let him go his
own sweet way
In England for instance, the thoroughgolng
Engshman, who is always dressed with cane.
sticks the cane out to the right the left of the
vehicle indicating which way the driver is to turn.
On the continent and in Latin America the pas
senger simply says right" left" Straight
ahead" as he may desire. And when he comes
to his destination he says there" and that ends
the job. The driver has no responsibility, care
on his mind and is kept in ignorance OF where
his fare is going until the journeys end.
Mr.. Caspar knew all about this and he could
also say enough Russian to speak right" left
and Straight ahead" So with his English guest
he ensconced himself in a drosky and started for
the Geological Gardens. 1t was simple enough
sailing until he reached the end of Nevski Pros
pekt, where six streets branch off to go to the
islands. Which of these six streets led to the
Geological Gardens was more than Mr.. Caspar
knew. The driver of the drosky to a dead
halt and waited for instructions. Mr. Caspar
tried to get him to go on, but he wouldn't bulge
an inch until he had been told which street to
take. Caspar's knowledge did not include the
Geological Gardens or any word approaching
them. II seemed though they fairly
stumped and would have to give up the trip, until
bright idea occurred to my friend.
He tapped on the drivers back got him to
turn around which Russian driver will do
unless absolutely compelled to and then went
through an extraordinary performance. He scratch
ed his side with his fingers, pufed out his cheeks
and made chattering sound which he thought
represented monkey.
The driver unwound himself from his reins,
jumped out on the street and looked at Caspar
with amazement. Evidently these signs did not
get over.
So Caspar tried another new impersonation. He
bent his head over, extended one arm down
swayed it back and forth and tried to trumpet like
an elephant
The driver backed off and crowd collected
and there was no mstaking the drivers conviction
that he had a crazy for passenger. Caspar
desperately kept up his limitations. Nothing hap
pened except to arouse curiosity and a bigger
crowd. The Englishman began to look worried
Caspar began to get mad and made all sorts OF
remarks in English about the stupidity OF the
whole Russian people and, this driver in particular
An expedent occurred to him. He got down
on his hands and knees walked slowly around
and growled like lion The driver and the
crowd backed away. In a minute more he might
be jumping on them and trying to bite them.
"You try your hand" said Caspar to the Eng
lishman These fools can't understand me. Get
out and walk your natural way-they will mis-
take you for a kangaroo"
"Oh chuck it," said the Englishman. "I think
you're making a silly Of YOURSELF and it all
looks to very ridiculous. III do nothing of the
sort" And he sat back placidly and watched Cas-
pars continued antics. His next impersonatior
was that of eagle-by clapping his arms and
making peculiar screeching nose which, of course
no eagle in the world ever made. By that time
policeman had come up and was eying the pro-
ceedngs with a good deal more than suspicion
He about to arrest Caspar and take him tc
some place other where his conduct would be
officially examined when this performing Ameri,
can friend of mine, who had exhausted all the
oaths in the English language he could think Of
began to swear in French. That was his saliva,
ton. The policeman understood French and the
whole matter was satisfactorily explained
I'm only sorry it didn't go further. l should
like to have heard how Caspar initiated goldfish
or ant-eating sloth.
At any rate, Mr.. William Caspar no longer be-
lieves in signs.
The High Cost of College Athletics.