The Washington herald., 1916-03-13

There are three kinds Of wit in the
world-real wit, political wit, which is
feeble, and legal wit, which is feebler.
A specimen of the first is a conversation
a friend overheard between two special
constables doing their bit
Hello! 1 say, you have been in for It.
Both your eyes are black and you've got
a nasty cut over your nose. What's hap
pened. old chap"
Dashing young constable: You know,
that pretty little girl in the Acacia road,
whose husband is in the DardanelIes?
Well, he isn't"
The second as a specimen of political
wit is considered worthy to be printed in
large type:
NAMELEsS NJ. P.'S DINNER.
GLASS OF WATER AND BANANA.
kitchen committee, said in parliament
that alcoholic liquor sold in the house
had been raised in price to meet the new
taxation and every one had contributed
his quota exec one honorable member
who dined on a glass of water and a
banana. Much laughter)
Mr. w. Thorne: What is the increase in
the price of champagne per bottle?
Colonel Lockwood: l cannot say with
out notice. l don't drink it myself
more laughter)
parties, II don't drink champagne" and
no one smiled.
What roguishly, happyhearted, easily
amused men parliamentarians are, to be
sure! With their boyish freshness they
make the ordinary mortal feel satirlcal
and aged. The third specimen of wit
comes from merry Court-a jOvial Jest
ing, facetlous larky, law court. roaring
with laughter over rotten eggs
The borough council of Bermondsey
were the defendants in an action brought
In the kings bench division by Mr. John
Bodfeld. coffee-hOuse keeper, at q Ber-
mondsey-w for damages for alleged
nuisance which he said resulted from
the council destroying large quantities Of
rotten eggs at their wharf close to his
premises,
Mr.. Bodheld. giving evidence, described
the machine for smashing the bad eggs
as resembling a mangle turned upside
down. Laughter.
Mr. Giveen: Were the eggs rotten?
From the appearance and smell I
think they were doubly rotten" G1augh-
teri
Did they produce smeI?"
Most awful" Oaughter)
The crushing OF the eggs sometimes
went on till eight o'clock at night, from
early morning. His customers left him,
and he had to close the business in June
Before the nuisance began he had on an
average 200 customers each day, and his
weekly takings came to G9lss He kept
no books, as he could not write.
Mr. Justice Darling: There is a very
large school in Bermondsey. How did
you manage not to go there?
Il did not have much schooling"
daughtcr) AT the school I went TO 7
was six years in the first standard,
and they could not shift me. l couldn't
learn anything" OaughterD
Mr. Justice Darling: Did you go to
your member of parliament?
No" Gaughter.)
l used to represent the constituency
next door (Deptford) and I am sure
they would have come to me-
do you mean the eggs, sir?" CLaugh-
ter.)
oh! no" Oaughter) Il meant the
people OF Deptford."
The witness stated that an exhaust
pipe had lately been installed at the
wharf, as result of which the smell
was waited up into the air.
Mr.. Justice Darling: That will be
bad for the Zeppelins. LaughterO
The Witness: Yes. I suggested that
they should start breaking the eggs
when the Zeppelins came. Laughter)
Mr.. Given: Was the smell bad?
The Witness: It was Eau de Cologne
Uaughter)
Mr.. Justice Darling: II the witness
only knew. Cologne is more celebrated
for its bad smells than Bermondsey
(LaughterD
Mr.. Giveen: I have some more wit
nesses as to the nuisance. my lord
Mr.. Justice Darling: think they
will add to it. (Laughter.)
Would an alienist pronounce that
court hysterioal. or would he say it
dubbed with humor? Girls Of six
teen, full of giggles. cannot do better
than laugh continually at every phra Sc
When I have the leisure l shall spend
a few dreary afternoon-but. alas, just
now there are plenty of them-in a
mirth-provoking court. If I fail to
laugh with them I can certainly man.
age to laugh at them.
Peggy said Oliver Herford to his
wife, you have given me an insipid
fresh egg. I don't like an egg less than
two years old-it has no tang. This isn't
a New York egg; it's from the country.
Take 1t away" CLaughter.)
wonder If people laugh more easily
now to hide tears which are so near the
surface. The new play at the Haymar-
ket-'Who Is Heron the first night
provoked perfect volleys of laughter.
The house was sprinkled with khaki and
the comedy Is amusingly fantastic with
something of the irresponsible wit of
Oscar Wilde. Four long acts of the same
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