Willmar tribune. [volume] (Willmar, Minn.) 1895-1931, 1916-08-23
The Old Snowman
He Tells How He Invented a
New Animal.
By M. QUAD
Copyright. 1916. by the Mcclure
Newspaper Syndicate
BY NJ. DUAL

Is his little crowd Of admirers assem-
Dled to listen to his tale. did any Of
you ever hear of an animal called a
"guyasticutus?
There never was such an animal"
replied one. There is such a word as
guyasticutus, but it is slang word.
When you call a man guyasticutus
you express your contempt for him"
MY friends. you are wrong, and l
shall take great pleasure in convincing
you Of the fact. l can't say that such
all animal exists now, but he surely did
forty years ago, for l invented him
myself"
Give US the yarnv was called out
from every one.
well, was head keeper of the me-
nagerie travelling with the circus. We
had started out of winter quarters with
five hyenas in the cage, but four Of
them had gone dead on us. l guess it
was pneumonia that carried them off.
The one left was an old he hyena, and
he could stand any sort of weather and
take the bumps of the country high
ways. However, after his companions
had departed this life we saw a change
in him. He didn't fall sick, but he got
lonesome and sulky.
There We're daily complaints that
our hyena was fraud, and l was
wondering what we could do about it
when the boss came to me one day
and said:
George, that old hyena Is making
trouble for us. What's the matter
with him anyhow?
81 guess he is tired of being a by
ena,' replied.
"'But he can't be anything else, can
hep
why, we can't make bird Of him,
but maybe can make some other ami
NAL Of him.
Then do it, man.
II changed the hyena's food dozen
times and gave him whisky to lap
instead Of water" said the old show
man, but it didn't improve him any,
and set myself to wonder how
could make him over. The bright idea
came to me at last, and one Sunday,
when we had lazy day Of it, 1 bought
various paints and brushes There
was farmers hired man hanging
around the show. He had deserted the
plow for the romance of the circus.
He had offered to work for S. a week
and his board, but l had no room for
him. When got the idea of making
the hyepa over l beckoned to this chap
and said:
Joshaway, will give you S. a
week and your board if you will do
what want you to do. 1t concerns
the old hyena in the cage over there.
want to make guyasticutus Of
him.
"Joshaway promised, and the first
thing to do was to tie the old hyena
up. We got ropes and straps around
| his legs and muzzle over his nose,
ana then went to work with the paints.
He didn't give us much trouble; he
was too lonesome and homesick for
that. We gave him bright green ears;
we gave him bright red nose and
red eyebrows; we spotted his body
here and there with green. red, blue,
yellow and black paints. We put a
dozen rings around his tail. and we
painted his legs one color and his feet
another. Say, boys, when we got
through with that hyena we had to sit
back and roar with laughter.
I'VE had special cage made for
him and gave it such a position that
only the front with it's iron bars could
be seen. Behind it on a chair was
JoshaWay. the young man who was
looking for romance. He did all the
talking, but it seemed to come from the
guyasticutus. Joshaway had a voice
like the filing Of saw, and his talk
was great success. The animal in
front Of him went on with a long rig
marole as to his forest home in Hon
duras and what he did there.
1.-The fatal day did not arrive until
We had shown that guyasticutus for
two years and half. l renewed the
paint on him every other Sunday and
saw to it that he had the choicest kind
Of food"
"But what about the fatal day ?" was
queried.
"Oh, yes, about that fatal day." re-
piled the old Snowman. well, it came
about in this way. That young man
Joshaway undertook to eat an apple
While he was giving his talk, and the
seed Of the fruit got into his throat
and stuck there. He had to choke and
cough and sputter, and the fact that
there was man somewhere hidden be-
hind the guyasticutus could not be
concealed. There were shouts of ex-
element and derision and calls for an
investigation. Half dozen men press
ed forward and seized the cage and
pulled it off it's benches. That same
half dozen men seized Joshaway bv
the neck or somewhere else as he still
choked and sputtered over the seeds
and brought him out for the crowd to
pick on. In just one minute it was
plain that the public had been swim
died for years. They had had a guyas-
ucutus instead Of hyena and had
double their moneys worth, but they
wanted their revenge, and they took It.
Inc cage was kicked about until it was
smashed and its occupant was killed,
| and they stepped on Joshaway and