Evening public ledger. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1914-1942, 1916-03-30
A MISCELLANY
OF "HOWLERS"
Wild Shots of the Embattled School
boy-An Exhibit of Results-A
Suggestion for Turning the
Tables on the Grown-ups

As 1T is with sermons, so with collections
fAof "howers" ITS a mighty poor sermon"
said John Gardener to the minister, that
doesn't hit me somewhere"
On previous occasion we essayed n deflni-
tion of the term 'howler," but the effort
was a failure, and we are. therefore, falling
back on few illustrations, which, possibly,
may hit some reader somewhere.
Somewhere" reminds us of a story. 1t does
not take much to remind us of a story, yet
presumably we aren't very different from
other folks.
An English schoolteacher recently took
France the subject of the geography lesson.
GIave you guessed the rest already? Never
mind)
an this terrible war" she said. who is
our principal ally?"
France" came the chorus
Right" said the teacher. "And now can
any one of you give me the name Of town
in France?"
Promptly from several bright and hopefuls
the reply
"Somewhere!"
Let us remain few moments In the his.
tory class, a class prolific in "howlers."
"Oiver Cromwell" was given the subject
of a short essay. One youngster wrote:
"Oliver Cromwell had an iron will, un-
slightly wart and a large red nose; but under
meath were deep religious feelings"
Curious History
Lingering yet little we may learn from
the embattled schoolboy much else that's in
teresting, whether true not. For example:
1.-The three most important feudal dues
were Friendship Courtship and Marriages"
"The chief clause in the Magma Charta was
that no free man should be put to death or be
imprisoned without his own consent"
THE principal products of Kent are Arch
bishops of Canterbury"
Alexander the Great was born IN the
absence of his parents"
Edward the Third would have been King
of France If his mother had been a man."
my favorite character in English history
was Henry VIII. because he had six wives
and killed them ALL"
"It was said OF William Rufus that He
never smiled again. He did this after he was
shot by an arrow with an apple on his head"
OF especial interest to PhIladelphians is the
following information in response to the ques-
ton: Where was the Declaration Of Inde-
pendence sIgned?"
"At the bottom"
Perfectly true.
A teacher who has lately been instructing
dren 10 write in their own words the story
OF the Gorgons. The result? Here's one:
"The Gorgons were three sisters that lived
in the islands OF the Hesperides, somewhere in
the Indian Ocean. They had long snakes for
hair tusks for teeth and claws for nails, and
they looked like women, only more horrible"
From "Scrapple" we borrow this. without
comment on its authenticity. but with reeogni-
tion Of its verisimiltude to the genuine article;
Teacher-What little boy can tell me where
is the home OF the swallow?
Billy can, teacher.
Teacher-Well, where?
Billy-Ths home OF the swallow is in the
stummick.
This being q miscellany We submit the fol-
lowing without classification under history"
geography" or any other head. Why try
70 classify 'howlsrs'7 They amt that kind
or an animal So:
"a man who looks on the bright side OF
things is called an optimist and a man who
looks on the dark side OF life is called a
pianist"
The names of fve shakespearean plays are
Macbeth 'AIikado.' QUO Vadis.' 'san.Toy' and
the Sign OF the crosS.'"
Shakespeare was great writer. only he
used too many familiar quotations"
Millions chief work was to lose Paradise
He also wrote e sensible poem called The
Canterbury Tales They were too sensible to
bury. for they still live"
'You ask what know about Dryden and
Pope At first they were friends. when one
day they became contemporaries"
The Tongue-twisted PedagOg
But why pick on the poor schoolboy7 He
has troubles enough OF his own. And hs
isn't the only unconscious or unlntsstionaI
parpstrator q Thowlers7
There's shs possibly familiar story q shs