The Pleasantville press. (Pleasantville, N.J.) 1912-1929, 1916-10-07
FINNEGAN'S PHILOSOPHY
~
Single Track Minds.

"What is he?" asked Finnegan. "Sure
at Injainnypoles he said he was full
of Annymated Concerv'tism. Fwhat's
that We say?. T'is the turn-table on
the wan thrack mind. 1t kapes spin
min round and round an divil a nan
can tell fwhat switch it will pick up.
1t dinnau itself. So We dinnau where
to lay for 1t.
"Twas so wild the arrumed freight
ships. They're not w%arships,' he says,
'onless l change me mind he says,
which 1 have he says, an annywan
who says so is a liar he says, but I
refuse to discuss it, he says. I'll
pass the buck to Congress- he
says, 'on'y I won't he says, for It's
no business of theirs he says, though
they must vote on the resolution he
says, to show where they stand he
says, 'Hince yell lay it on the table
he says, an thin they can't vote
says Wudthrow to Stone.
"I-I-thought I seen a fallacy,-
says Stone, timid like, but the Great
Idaylist brung down his fisht wild a
lump.
""Table the risolution,' says he,-an'
away goes Stone.
"'Fwhat does this mean?' axes the
Sinit.
Gentlemen says Stone, weepin'
bitterly, 'Ye can frisk me. But thim's
the ORDERS says Stone, an if amy
man ivir knew fwhat it meant he's
KEEP quiet about It,
$50 wild the fghtin' wurd. We're
too proud to fight says this turrible
man to a bunch iv just-overs at Phila.
dephy. 'Haw-Haw-Haw,' says the
wurld Ga laugh gets his goat, Jawn).
L vas thinkin' " somethin' 1 didn't
say yells Wudthrow. 'Haw-Haw.
Haw,' says the wurld, laughin' to split.
BE this an be that Too Proud to
Fight has made the reppytashun iv
Wudthrow. T"is like the Monroe Doc
trine to Monroe, or Emanshipashun to
Lincoln. Twas TRANSLATED into ivry
tongue. tbs better known than the
twenty-third psalm, or the famous or
alton iv the Guv-nor iv North Carliny.
If an Ashtantee poked another In the
eye, he's give hin the coon FIR Are Ye
Too Proud to Fight?' an they'd both
laugh befure they whit to the flure.
All the r~ecruitin' signs abroad had it
an the shame wud bring three recruits,
where 'Tfpperary' or rum wud bring
oh, won't We place stop laugh
N - rorr NIT1,1%h-Ar- I,,% 4IAr- A,,-IA1
the more. So he sinds Jim Ham Lew
Is to explain. He's called Ham by rea-
son he's so fond of pork.
""Three thousand years agone,' says
Jim Ham, or maybe less says he, AN
ould DagO said Non Dinny Carey win
Kerry Cor the like o. that, Jawn. 1t
means not to have a chip on yer
shoulder). Non Dinny Carey win
Kerry says Jim Ham, an julius Say
zer,' says he, AN Tolmy Philadelphy,'
says he, AN the Earl " Cheatem,'
says Jim, AN William Hatch Seward
says Ham, AN a lot more l forget
says Ham, who felt the same way
says Jim, although he says, they
nivir said So says Jim Ham to the
Sinit.
"'Now,' says he, how, l axe We, cud
the Prisidint know that the cultivated
Christian aujience.' he says, iv immy-
grants says he, 'wud fail to grasp the
%nooance,' says Jim Ham An Jawn,
they shut the dures the way the peo-
pie wudden't see the Sinit lose its
dignity
"Fwhat's a nooance?" asked NAL
umphy.
'T'is a sort iv intellectual gold
brick" replied Finnegan, slightly puz-
zled, "be which We say fwhat We doant
mane, an a wye doant say. The
ooanc comes out iv it somehow.
Tis like 1 dinnau what. Just exactly
like it." he added after a short pause.
II cudden't tell thin apart"
"Well," said Malumphy, "the single
thrack mind gets nowhere, I'm think
in"
9TH gauge is none too broad" re-
piled his friend, AN the thraffic's
heavy" he added.
*Non Dinicare est Vincere.