The midland journal. (Rising Sun, Md.) 1885-1947, 1916-01-07
HIS SLIPPERY SHOES
RETIRED MERCHANT TELLS TALE
or DIRE DISASTER.
With New Pair Of ARoxes" on His
Feet He LEFT the store, Feeling
Important, but Pride Had
Downfall.

Hc SuOGll1kCI4 OuSnt To SlUG q
piece of sandpaper on the sole of each
new SHOE" said the retired merchant.
II bought a pair Of boxes for my feet
this morning, and thought I'd wear
them home to get them broke in. !
stepped from the store into the street
feeling all dressed up. 1t beats all
what a difference it makes in mans
self-esteem when he is wearing some
thing new. If it's only necktie that
costs rs cents. he feels chesty over 1t
and is satisfied that it's the finest neck
tie in the United States.
When / purchase clean shave at
the tonsorial parlor, always feel 100
per cent more dignifed and am not so
approachable as was before. ! ex-
pect certain amount Of Difference on
the part of the proletariat.
with those new shoes on my feet I
realized that am an important citi-
zen, and my chest was pushed for
ward, and my head tilted back. Mrs.
Wagonseller and Mrs. Binnacle were
standing in front Of the store. They
are the smoothest women in town, and
| am proud of their acquaintance.
stepped up with old-school courtesy,
lifting my hat, and smiling umbra-
geously. and then those new shoes gave
me away. They just naturally slid out
from under me, with malice afore-
thought, in the county and state afore-
said, and / sat down on the concrete
pavement right between the two
women.
They are perfect ladies' in every
respect, and they tried their shangedest
to look as though nothing unusual had
happened, as though their gentlemen
friends made practice of kerplunking
themselves down on the sidewalk right
at their feet.
Perhaps If had got up promptly,
and had treated the matter as joke,
they wouldn't have been oyerpowered.
But the jolt got when sat down
must have unsettled my faculties, for
just sat there looking at those shoes
trying to figure out what OBJ ect they
had in handing me such deal. sup
pose must have been a humorous
spectacle. Anyhow, after wrlth;ng
around for a minute, trying to keep
from laughing, Mrs. Wagonseller ut
tered shrek, and then Mrs. Binnacle
began to gasp and gurgle like some
strong swimmer in his agony, and then
they just leaned against each other
and let go all holds and yelled with
merriment. About forty thousand
women came up to see what the fun
was, and never felt SO cheap in my
life.
Il climbed to my feet, having re
gained my reason at last, and deter
mined to make the best Of it, so ex-
planned, as brushed the dust off my
raiment, that my shoes We're not
equipped with emergency brakes, and
while was explaining the blamed
things did another tango stunt and L
sat down in the same place with a
zeal worthy Of better cause.
well, they just simply had to carry
some of those women into rest room
and pour Ice water over them. don't
see anything so laundering funny in
a man having hand-to-hand conflict
with his feet, but guess have no
sense of humor.
Before got those shoes home
had fallen in all the popular styles.
There's no sense in making shoes with
soles like creased glass, and I am go
ing to write to our congressman and
have him introduce some sort Of
bill"
about Ave hundred people bave told
me of your gronnd-and-lofty tumbling
on the public Streets" observed the no.
tel keeper, but nobody said anything
about new shoes. They all seemed to
take It for granted that you had been
blowing your savings for hard cider"
Pittsburgh Gazette Times.