davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Miller press. [volume] (Miller, S.D.) 190?-current, 1916-10-26
NEW MUSIC IS CRITICIZED
What Is Known as "Futurist" De.
elared to Be Merely a conslom-
Grafton of Discords.

We must always have something
AaW, and so we must have new mu-
sic, and the chief distinction of it
is, it wholly discredits all that has
been thought good in the music of
other days. 1t is merely a conglom-
Grafton of discords, and commends
itself TO art noodles for its utter now
city. 1t sounded, says G critic, 'as
II wrong notes were being played
most of the time" The Cinnamon
were futurists who a~pplauded when
the orchestra were tuning up their
fddles and toothorns. The Spring
field Republican says, '"The present
day futurists lay particular stress on
the ingenious ugliness of the music"
In fact, the new music makes of ug-
illness its highest merit.
1t is really the jumping-of place
OF art. The age of taste, of har-
mony, OF beauty has passed, and in
Its place we have discord and confu-
sion. Says a critic: 'NThe ears we
have trained in so many of the old
concert halls at such a cost of dol
lars are useless for the new" We
will have to have new ears, perhaps
larger ones, to enjoy futurist music.
Possibly to some Of us unfortunate
mes We will not know it when it
comes. But there will be no danger.
Futurist music will not get out of
New York, where there are all kinds
of people.-Ohio State Journal.
The Miller press. [volume] (Miller, S.D.) 190?-current, 1916-10-26
MADE HIT WITH KITCHENER
Philadelphia Veteran Told Great Brit.
ish Soldier a Story He Never
Had Heard Before.

When l called the attention Of
General Huidekoper to the fortune
of $S50,000 which Earl Kitchener
left, he remarked:
YES, had we adopted the English
system in the United States, Grant
would have been a millionaire and
Sherman, Sheridan and Meade very
rich men,"
Washington would have become
the duke of Yorktown and given an
estate many times the size Of Mount
Vernon.
General Huidekoper told me that
when in Cairo a few years ago,
Kitchener entertained him at lunch
con, "Girard" writes in the Phiia-
delphia Ledger. II was impressed
by his cordial manner-indeed, ev-
erything about him was impressive
except his eyes"
The Philadelphia veteran told X.
of X. that Americans had two sto-
ries which they always told about
him. I'D like to hear them," said
the hero of Khartum.
some was about an eyeglass-"
"Oh, yes" broke in Kitchener, "I've
heard that one often. What's the
other?"
"While you were in India" said
the man who left an arm at Gettys-
burg, "you overheard the members
of your staff highly commencing an
officer who had just gone out from
England to join you. They declared
that he was a blooming fine fellow,
%wrercupon you remarked
"I've always observed that the
men who are blooming fine fellows
are blooming poor officers"
Kitchener had never heard that
story of himself, but he was enor-
mously pleased with the sentiment
it expressed.
The Miller press. [volume] (Miller, S.D.) 190?-current, 1916-10-26
DIVISION OF FLORIDA URGED
Those Rshind Scheme Consider There
Are Weighty Reasons for That
Radical Proceeding.

Because of differences of climate
and the character of the people be-
tween north and south Florida. aci-
tation has been started to divide the
state by a line running along the
twenty-nlnth parallel. Another sug-
gested division line is the Suanee
river, some twenty-five miles north
OF the twenty-ninth parallel.
The northern portion would con
tain about $4,000 square miles.
a little larger than West Viz
ginia and larger than Vermont,
New Hampshire and New ,Ier-
sey together. South of the TWENTY
ninth parallel there is something
like $1,000 square miles, slightly
more than Ohio and a little less than
Tennessee.
1t has been proposed to name the
new state, the northern half of
Florida, Jefferson, in honor Of
Thomas Jefferson, while the south
half would retain the name of
Florida.
The suggestion for the division of
the state into two states was made
as early as 1914, but the matter was
dropped. Recently the state has been
thrown into a turmoil over the selec-
ton Of a Democratic candidate for
governor. The northern part of the
state is pulling in one direction and
the other part in another. The
northern part of the state is inclined
to prohibition, while the southern
part, with Key West and Tampa,
would apparently prefer to retain
the old order of things.
While no formal campaign has
been launched looking to creating
sentiment for a division of the state
the prospects are that one will be
under way before many months.
The Miller press. [volume] (Miller, S.D.) 190?-current, 1916-10-26
BREAKDOWN.

1t seemed an age that the poor
mar was on the fat of his back.
His friends stood about him with
long faces, heaving sigh after sigh.
1t was truly a serious case
But suddenly there came a shout
of triumph from the PROSTATE form.
Eureka" he shouted, trium-
phantly. "At last l have that pesky
carburetor fixed"
With a wild whoop his friends
drew him from under the car,
brushed the dust from his back,
climbed into the big red machine
and sped down the pike.
The Miller press. [volume] (Miller, S.D.) 190?-current, 1916-10-26
HAS CAUSE 70 BE PEEvED
Shorty Doesn't Seem to Have Had a
Square Deal in Matters Con-
corning the Dog.

Shorty is sore. He is sore at his
dog. The dog originally was worth
80 cents, and cost $40 because Mrs.
Shorty made such a fuss over him
In the presence of the kennel keeper.
The first week Shorty owned him he
ran away. Shorty bought Sc worth
OF want ads. Seven weeks after the
last want ad appeared a boy brought
the dog home, claiming the S. re-
ward and putting in a bill for 81
for the dogs keep for eleven weeks.
Shorty paid and bought a collar and
chain for $1.25.
The dog lay passive on the back
porch Saturday night and Sunday
night. But Monday night Mrs.
Shorty left the washing out on the
line. Some time in the night the
dog chewed the chain in two and
then went out and tore all the clothes
from the line, ripping to pieces what
he didn't eat. That morning, before
Shorty was up, the dog-tax collector
came and collected from Mrs. Shorty.
Then Shorty got up and went into
the back yard and found the clothes
torn to pieces. The dog had run
away, presumably back to the home
OF the boy who kept him before for
seven weeks. Shorty doesn't know
where the boy lives, but Mrs. Shorty
says he can find out with a want ad.
Shorty knew that, but didn't want
to suggest it. So he'll be down in
the morning with another want ad.
But he's sore.-Kansas City Star
The Miller press. [volume] (Miller, S.D.) 190?-current, 1916-10-26
HOW HE WROTE "AMERICA"
Doctor Smith lndited II on the Spur Of
the Moment-Not Intended
for National Hymn.

In connection with the recent
presentation of the original manu-
script of america" to the Harvard
college library by the surviving chill
dren of Rev. DR.. Samuel Francis
Smith, author of the hymn, the fol-
lowing account by Doctor Smith of
how he came to write it is revived :
"The hymn America was the
fruit of examining a number of mu-
sic books and songs for German pub
lie schools, placed in my hands by
Lowell Mason, Esq. Falling in with
the tune III n of them, now called
America and being pleased with its
simple and easy movement, | glanced
at the German words, and, seeing
that they were patriotic, instantly
felt the impulse to write a patriotic
hymn of my own to the same tune.
Selling a scrap of waste paper, l put
upon it, within half an hour, the
verses substantially as they stand to-
day. l did not propose to write a
national hymn. / did not know that
| had done SO. The whole matter
passed out of my mind.
"a few weeks afterward l sent to
Mr.. Mason some translations and
other poems ; this must have CHANGED
to be among them. This occurred in
February, 1882. To my surprise, /
found later that he had incorporated
it into a program for the celebration
Of July 4, 1882, in Park street
church, Boston,
The Miller press. [volume] (Miller, S.D.) 190?-current, 1916-10-26
so THE CALF KEPT ON.

As a train stopped at a little Ohio
station the passengers heard the
plaintive bawling of a calf, which
was being wheeled along the plat
form in a crate.
There's someone complaining,
conductor" said a traveller, looking
for a bit of fun.
"Not to me-" answered the mild
old ticket taker. "Neyer heard a
passengers complaint with that
much sense."-Judge.
The Miller press. [volume] (Miller, S.D.) 190?-current, 1916-10-26
JACKS WITHOUT Jtlls.

The train was rushing over the
prairies of western Kansas.
"1s that another jack rabbit,
uncle?" asked the fair passenger,
who was looking out through the car
window.
YES" replied the elderly man at
her side.
"That's what you have said about
all of them we have seen. Are there
no-ah-Jll rabbits, uncle?"
The Miller press. [volume] (Miller, S.D.) 190?-current, 1916-10-26
WHAT CLARE A +.

Two young naval officers were
heard discussing their respective
deerests and bests-for the time be-
ing.
81 think Clare is a dear little
craft" said one.
"sDear and little did you say?''
snorted the other. "She's dear all
right, but / don't know so much
about the little She's the biggest
revenue cutter I've ever seen."-Tit-
Bits.
The Miller press. [volume] (Miller, S.D.) 190?-current, 1916-10-26
CAN'T KEEP AHEAD.

"There's no pleasure in driving q
motor a any more"
"No!"
"No. 1t doesn't make any differ
ence how fast you drive, there's al
ways someone with a faster car COM
ing along TO give you the horn and
make you get over to let him 90 by"
Detroit Free Press.
The Miller press. [volume] (Miller, S.D.) 190?-current, 1916-10-26
INDIANS HOLDING THEIR OWN
In Many Ways Are Showing Capacity
for Taking Their Place In Citi-
zenship Of the Country.

In spite of the mistakes which
mark the history of the relations of
the white man with the Indian, the
remnants of the original American
stock are proving themselves capable
OF taking an honored place as citi-
ems of the nation which has sue
ceeded to their %birthright. In Okla
homa the Indian is now a citizen,
and there is no activity in which
white men excel that is not marked
by a comparable success on the part
Of the Indian. 1t is now proposed
ultimately to give all the Indians in
the United States full American citi-
zenship, and as the first remedial
step TO place the administration Of
Indian affairs beyond the control of
politics by establishing a federal
nonpartisan commission. In okla
homa, thousands of full-blooded
Cherokees, Chickasaws, Choctaws,
Creeks and Seminoles are operating
well-kept farms and supporting ude-
quate and well-equipped schools. The
Navajo Indian blanket industry last
year reached a total of three-quar-
ters of a million dollars, and $4,000
Indian boys and girls were last year
being educated in special schools
conducted like our public schools.
There are now 100000 Indians in
the United States and $4,000 in
Alaska.-Christian Herald.
The Miller press. [volume] (Miller, S.D.) 190?-current, 1916-10-26
WELCOME SIGHT,.

"Do you think it lucky to see the
new moon over your right shout
der?' inquired the superstitious cit
izen.
"Yes," replied Farmer Corntossel.
"'The kind of weather we've been
havin', you're lucky to see the moon
any old way"
The Miller press. [volume] (Miller, S.D.) 190?-current, 1916-10-26
THE LURE.

isn't you all's paw afraid de
neighbors' chickens will git into your
garden?"
NO." replied Miss Miami Brown.
'Dat's what paw broke up de ground
an scattered de seeds around foh."
The Miller press. [volume] (Miller, S.D.) 190?-current, 1916-10-26
fOEALtZATION.

"Do you mean to tell me you never
went to a circus in your life?"
"Never."
"But your business is designing
the pictures they put on bilIboards."
That's why / never 20 TO a show.
1t might hamper my imagination"
The Miller press. [volume] (Miller, S.D.) 190?-current, 1916-10-26
TYR

Mrs. Fluffer says her social du-
ties leave her scarcely any time for
rest"
yes" replied Miss Cayenne.
"She is one of the unfortunate
people who regard being frivolous as
one of the most serious things OF
life"
The Miller press. [volume] (Miller, S.D.) 190?-current, 1916-10-26

@Has your daughter a discriminate
ing taste in music?"
"Undonh.ediy Shed rather turn
on the photograph than try TO sing
and play herself"
The Miller press. [volume] (Miller, S.D.) 190?-current, 1916-10-26
MAY COME TO THIS.

SIS this a ten-cent store?"
at is, madam"
Il heard You have wonderful bar
gains. Where is Jour automobile
DEPARTMENT. - Louisville Courier
journal.
The Miller press. [volume] (Miller, S.D.) 190?-current, 1916-10-26
SHE COuLD TALK.

Mr.. Yeast-How would you like
to try n of those diving suits, dear:
Mrs. Yeast-Oh, / couldn't live
in one Of those.
~Oh, yes you could. They have
speaking tubes, you know
The Miller press. [volume] (Miller, S.D.) 190?-current, 1916-10-26
THING or

"0pinions differ" remarked the
museum guide, @ag to what period
this extinct animal belongs 10"
.sThat animal doesn't belong to
any period" exclaimed the gramma-
rian. at belongs TO an exclama-
ton point"
The Miller press. [volume] (Miller, S.D.) 190?-current, 1916-10-26
ClD-FASHIONED

@She's an old-fashioned girl, isn't
sheT'
"Der me yesl She had on q
frock at least SIX months old
Life.
The Miller press. [volume] (Miller, S.D.) 190?-current, 1916-10-26
THE oRAToRIcAL SEASON.

"Why do they hold the national
conventions in June!"
81 don't know" replied Senator
Sorghum. "For my part, I'd rather
stay at home and listen to the COM
mencement essays"
The Miller press. [volume] (Miller, S.D.) 190?-current, 1916-10-26
HERO, z.

Tommy-Pa, what's a biped?
Father-An animal with two legs.
For instance, a nan is a biped.
Tommy = Well, what's Uncle
James? He's only got one leg
Boston Evening Transcript.
The Miller press. [volume] (Miller, S.D.) 190?-current, 1916-10-26
TIME TO MOVE AWAY.

"Fiye years ago land out our way
was being sold at four dollars an
acre"
whats II being sold for nowY
Taxes
The Miller press. [volume] (Miller, S.D.) 190?-current, 1916-10-26
NOT APPARENT.

"Do you believe, at a glance, the
undersea boat seems capable OF rum
ming the gauntlet always"
"Well, it doesn't so on the
surface of things"
The Miller press. [volume] (Miller, S.D.) 190?-current, 1916-10-26
o 'EM BLUFFEp.

"Your boy seems TO have all the
other boys skeered of him. Must be
a good fighter"
Il can't say about that. But /
do know As-ha's al awful god
claimer." Courier-Jour-
nal
The Miller press. [volume] (Miller, S.D.) 190?-current, 1916-10-26
ANIMAL FOOD.

"The man who gave that order
must be straight from some ZOO"
"What was his order?"
"A pony Of brandy, a p-ousse-cafe
and a hot dog"
The Miller press. [volume] (Miller, S.D.) 190?-current, 1916-10-26

CHARLIE get engaged to a differ
ent girl every year | come up here.
Frank-Lucky dog. / got mar
ried to the first one | became en-
gagged to.
The Miller press. [volume] (Miller, S.D.) 190?-current, 1916-10-26
THEY SHOULD WORRY.

Wife-The paper says that ME
trates are higher.
Hub-What do we care: We never
telegraph, anyway.
The Miller press. [volume] (Miller, S.D.) 190?-current, 1916-10-26
TWINS.

crusty-I hear you have an addi-
ton to your family.
Pater-Yes-Put down one and
larry two.-Judg
The Miller press. [volume] (Miller, S.D.) 190?-current, 1916-10-26
MERE PRETExT.

"Biggins can't argue without los
ing his temper"
Il don't blame the argument. He
feels like losing his temper anyhow,
and makes the argument an excuse"
The Miller press. [volume] (Miller, S.D.) 190?-current, 1916-10-26
GENEROUS.

ain our religion we never v our
neighbor a grudge."
"Oh-you pay up Immediately
Michigan Gargoyle.
The Miller press. [volume] (Miller, S.D.) 190?-current, 1916-10-26
THE ADMIRED ouApRUPEo.

"That figure you refer to as a cat
looks more like a pig"
LET it 60 at that" replied the
amateur painter. "a pig is much
more valuable than a cat"
The Miller press. [volume] (Miller, S.D.) 190?-current, 1916-10-26
DEAD SURE OF IT.

VISITOR suppose you found .
great fun at the front!
Damaged ficro-6h, YES, =
London Opinion.
The Miller press. [volume] (Miller, S.D.) 190?-current, 1916-10-26
THE NEW HAT.

Mrs. de Style-Women are an ex.
pensiye blessing.
Mr. de Style-They are expensive.
Judge.
The Miller press. [volume] (Miller, S.D.) 190?-current, 1916-10-26
FLOWERS OF THE FIREsIpE.

Wife-The policeman called on the
cook last night.
H1sband-Ahla conference of the
powers.
The Miller press. [volume] (Miller, S.D.) 190?-current, 1916-10-26
HIS WEAKNESS

81 married Jack 10 reform him"
"Of what:"
"0f telling other girls that he
loved them."-Boston Evening Tran
script.
The Miller press. [volume] (Miller, S.D.) 190?-current, 1916-10-26
THE WRONG LOCALITY.

aLet US favor our dinner with a
little Attic salt"
attic salt? Why, we always keep
ours in the kitchen"
The Miller press. [volume] (Miller, S.D.) 190?-current, 1916-10-26
OUR LANGUAGE.

New DirectoF-What did You saw
sinking fund was for:
Treasuer-To meet the floating
debt.
The Miller press. [volume] (Miller, S.D.) 190?-current, 1916-10-26
HER STATUS.

'What a funny-looking girl"
~Yes; she was the missing link in
tine vassar daisy chain. Rec
ord.
The Miller press. [volume] (Miller, S.D.) 190?-current, 1916-10-26
IN THE ou,ck-Luncn ROOM.

@Giye me a light lunch instantly"
"An right, sir. jim, turn on the
electric currents
The Miller press. [volume] (Miller, S.D.) 190?-current, 1916-10-26

doctor, I'm all run down and ex-
tremely nervous. Can you saYe me?o
"Surely, my friend ; surely. Yours
is a common ailment just now. You
are simply reading more baseball
news than you can assimilate."
The Miller press. [volume] (Miller, S.D.) 190?-current, 1916-10-26
IRIS PLACE

where shall / send this nature
staEy
why 10. to = com msgazine9"
The Miller press. [volume] (Miller, S.D.) 190?-current, 1916-10-26

Mazie-I'l get even with her.
Marie-How?
Mazie-I'u tell her she must have
been rather pretty as a girl.
The Miller press. [volume] (Miller, S.D.) 190?-current, 1916-10-26
D LIFE

" LIFE
d Of tho
Npper-
ting OBJ
gical eff
the de-
been re-
consid-
gs used
pc game
was no.
g of the
migrate
nd, and
Belgium
"black
dcs the
? bear),
acute.
ed deer
ay, the
verbal,
Il terri
&c, such
the sea-
driven
which
ground
Il itself
,us-fact
as the
h., have
hunder
to hold
ongs in
Other
ned are
S, spar
The Miller press. [volume] (Miller, S.D.) 190?-current, 1916-10-26

birth
Trouble
his
young
1t from
TX cap
thin
to give
deal Of
h. At
of the
hole it
s away
Enough
rough,
ed the
its eff
II bees
Bed in
pr way
! away
their
of the
it has
Pulling
the
Tree of
b slips
of the
ley are
3 bees
g, and
again
of the
b and
Albuquerque morning journal. [volume] (Albuquerque, N.M.) 1903-1926, 1916-07-04
CARRANZA FIXES HIS
FENCES IN CAPITAL

Mexico city. Julv1 General Car.
rama, mounted on magnificent
black horse ana accompanied by
members Of his staff. made the
rounds Of the capital sunday visit
ing an wards of the city not emitting
the poorer sections This Is the first
time the first chief has made such "a
journey throughout the city and ne
was frequently rheered by crowds
who gathered TO view the Calyacade.
ON his way the general passed pa
rades of men and boys who were
marching through the principal
streets drilling under instruction Of
regular army officers. These were
cortingents of volunteers who have
offered their services TO the govern
mcnt in the event OF war with the
United states
The financial situation has notice
ably improved I'M the last few days
and Tho public generally takes more
optimistic view OF conditions. Rail-
roai traffic has been Resumed 10 the
northern frontier and q regulation
limiting tho seln" uf tickets 10 points
within sixty l,llometers OF the FROM
tier has been repealed
Albuquerque morning journal. [volume] (Albuquerque, N.M.) 1903-1926, 1916-07-04
FRENCH PLEASED WITH
PROGRESS OF OFFENSIVE


Paris July 3-"General results
excellent is the verdict Of the Pa
l1slan press on the achievements of
the second day Of the great Franco
British offensive. All the newspa-
pers assert that what has been ac-
compltshed is rather substantial than
sensational They declare that the
mistake made In the Champagne bat
tie Will not be repeated that men can
not fight until the ground has been
prepared, so far as humanity possible,
by artillery No section of the
Franco-British forces was advanced
beyond the line assigned they say
however tempting might have appear
ed the chance of success of smashing
further lines.
An artillery corporal wounded
while In an observation post at Mar
icourt tells the following story.
81 witnessed the first bOmbardmout
OF the German trenches and works.
The effects were terrifying It Is not
possible that any work of defense,
however strong, can resist such an
avalanche of fire and steel. How
many mon must lie buried in the
ruins
THE German reply Is no less ter
uble and the most stubborn resist
ance must be counted upon. for tho
enemy may be short of men but GER
tainly docs not lack munitions How
ever. his guns barely fired one shot
for ten from the allies. Everything
had oeen foroseen and our ular work
ed like "a charm
Albuquerque morning journal. [volume] (Albuquerque, N.M.) 1903-1926, 1916-07-04
GERMAN PRESS SAYS
SITUATION is SERIOUS
Lsr noaNIna LouanAL .saeLAL Ls.asn .Ln.l

Amsterdam, June Cvia London
The beginning of the Anglo-French
offensive is announced by the Ger
man press under heavy headlines.
From the great Champagne battle
Of last autumn says the Cologne ia
zette, we know the imposing prep
arations with which the French gem
eral starr introduces such enter
priscs and we can be certain th85 on
the enemy's side nothing Will ua lack
ing as regards technical means FOR
piercing our lines
We should not be deceived lv the
fact that the enemy reports .,hcauy
speak of great successes OrlY wilt
in the next few days viii IT be ,,os ash
Bile to ascertain how far the general
attack has brought the enenn.
The Cologne Nolks Ieitune refers
to the difficulty Of holding the fore
most German trenches in the race Of
the enormous energy Of the attack,
but notes that the attacking forces
have not yet succeeded in .ertjug thc
German front
Although Germany eonfrnts mo
coming battle with confidence says
this paper, nevertheless the moment
is without doubt fraught with sgnIi-
eanee and is perhaps decisive
England, it adds for the firsl time
has TO bear the matn burden The
English army in France. IT eontnuea
sis strong and wei equipped
'Englands industry, after it was
organized for the war, has scored
great achievements in tho uanufac-
.ure OF guns ana shells. AS regards
the military fitness of the En-ish
troops, it has now an opportunity u
show what it is"
Albuquerque morning journal. [volume] (Albuquerque, N.M.) 1903-1926, 1916-07-04
HOPES FOR JEWISH
LEADER IN PALESTINE

Philadelphia, July 81 Barnard A.
lioaenblatL honorary secretary Of the
Federation Of American Zlanlsts
which opened ita annual convention
here today, sald In reporting the prog
ress made by Zionlsm that he believed
the ultimate trlumphs Of XiunHm de-
pends upon The rise OF great Jewish
leader in Palestine
Irish home rule Will never be won
hy demonstrations IN New York and
Chicago" he declared, land 20 Jew
ifh home rule in Palestine can come
only from the Jewish people in Pal
estino Itself"
Tina federation adopted resolutions
favorlng the formation 81 m internn-
uonnl organization before the close Of
the European war and recommending
the participation Of the federation In
the Jewish congress 70 be held In New
York In December.
The convention appropriated s.. GOO
toward the establishment Of a hospital
unit N Palestine.