The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1916-08-23

not, but the spell is just as potent a!
ever, while your true New Yorker
would vastly prefer being carted out
to the cemetery to dragging out &
weary existence apart from the
tawdry delights of his dear old Broad.
way.
COME people make excuses fol
~ drinking "strong waters" but
the more hardened sinners do not.
William Turner of Baltimore evident
ly belongs to the former category
Hailed to police court on a charge Of
disorderly conduct, William raised his
eyes to the judge and spoke as fol-
lows:
"a fly flew right into my mouth,
your honor, and cough as 1 did, that
little pest re-
Disastrous Attempt manned right
to Drown a Fly where it was.
Then a friend
came along and he suggested drop
of whisky, saying the liquid would kill
the insect. l drank five or six liquors
before that bug died. Then l got a
bit dizzy and 1 guess that is why 1
raised so much disturbance"
The dispatch does not state what
effect this plea had on the judge. 1t
doubtless failed to melt his heart, but
this is rather pretty story for the
moralists. How foolish is the man who
tries to drown his troubles by fiery
rotations! And how many have
learned the truth of the ancient lest
that the harder he tries the more east
ly they float!
The next time William Turner swal-
lows a fly he will hasten home and
take an emetic.
Baltimore opened her arms to Captain
koenig of the Deutschland. 1t seems
rather ungrateful for the Eastern For
warding company to choose another port
for it's submarines.
4 X
A vegetable peddler lost his bankrolI.
but soon had his money restored to him
because it smelled like onions. A good
idea. Sprinkle your bank roll with your
favorite perfume
How all the other DANES do envy the
woman who was at a seashore resort
where there were six or eight shark
scares. She can monopolize the CONVEX
sation any time she wants to.
A critic of the movies says when &C.
tors are shot through the heart they
take too long to die Credit them with
a desire to give the movie patron his
worth.
A New Jersey boarder kissed his pretty
and it cost him $40. He didn't
mind the money so much, but her hus-
band also got personal satisfaction.
After lowering on the brink of war
until everybody's patience was exhausted,
Rumania has apparently decided that her
best chances lie with the allies.
Chinese soldiers show tendency to mix
matters with Jap soldiers, which encour-
ages the belief that China will not always
be a downtrodden pacifist
X X
Another reason why the shioned
farmer with flowing beard is passing
become entangled in a steering wheel
X
The suave automobilist who stops his
car and asks, ITO town?' is sometimes a
good Samaritan and at other times he
wants nickel out of you.
Also Boston girl is asking $4,000 dam
ages for being kissed against her will.
The offender must have knocked her
glasses off.
Some of these days reporters are going
to demand an eight-hour day and then
all the newspapers will have to go out
of business.
Greek soldiers retreat before invading
troops. When you come to think of it,
that is an excellent plan for avoiding
war.
AT any rate, when Uncle Sam turns the
guardsmen loose they will be much bet
ter soldiers than they ever were before.
= y
If Sunday movies are abolished, some
people will find the temptation to sleep
all day Sunday irresistible.
Dario Resta, the automobile racer
must have enough trophies by this time
to stock a jewelry store.
The Teutons no longer talk as if they
had walkover. That should encourage
the allies nightly.
u x
With war resumed in the Balkans
those states probably feel quite natura
again.
------@es-------
KNEW HVS OWN CASH
From the Kansas City Times.
DR.. John B. Murphy, the great Chi
c.. nn sllrreop knew from aynorienca tina