Five Mile Beach weekly journal., 1916-09-29
FINNEGAN'S PHILOSOPHY
BALKAN.

ninneedL Ddlhdm was q n1gnDrOW
that knowed less than his Jackass. He
took an Office to curse the people.
The Jackass saved them. IT'S all in
Number Twinty-two. Och, honeI IT'S
different these times. The Jackass
knew better till Balaam tanned him.
Lave me ride ye,' says BALKAN, am
I'll make We the biggest ASS In the
wurld.'
Great says the ASS; what dye
feed?'
Pork say Balaam.
s'Me savior says the ASS.
$50 BALKAN mounts. But SCOT the
Jack balks.
"tPhwat is itT says Balaam.
@'Snakes,' says the ASS; ut looks
like the jawbone Nv me mother
4'G'wan,' says Balaam, hittin' the
ASS a clip, IT'S me furren' policy
he says.
"sPhwat's ut for?' axes the Ass.
"'Ut defnds the nashun,' says Ba-
laam.
"HowT says the Ass.
Faith says Balaam, ut takes a
bigger ASS than you to know that.
Lave 1t to Brine says Balaam to the
Ass; an the Jack walks on medita-
tin.
"'Hee, haw,' says the ASS, balkin'
an kickin'.
What nowT says BaIaam.
"'Divil q Jackass ever seer the like
says the Ass. Ut could be a frog
says he, for ut stands up In front,
and sits down behind an It's mostly
mouth says the Ass. ut has white
feathers says the Jack, wild yaller
streaks, that changes he says, to
Very Crooz Red, or Niagary Blue, an
now they're Carrysall Yaller again.
says he. 'Hivtns, have / been drink
inr screams the ASS to Balaam.
Saints be praised says BALKAN.
Me Watchful Waitin' can still change
its mind he says. G'wan, where
glory waits he says. 'G'wan, In the
service " Mankind says BALKAN to.
the Ass, touching him up. An the
ASS shuffles ahead, wavin' his ears in
admiration.
"'Hee-hawl Hee-hawr says the
Jack. rearin' up wild his eyes bulgin'.
"'Phwat's grippin' We now?' says
BALKAN, impashunt like.
"T Dunno says the ASS. ut looks
like the FLYNN Dutchman with a So
cialist Crew. he says.
"''Tis me Ship BILL says Balaam.
Side step to the right he says;
side step to the left says he, well
tin him. Back up says BALKAN,
near wrenchin' off the Jacks jaw.
Now forward for the Merchant Ma
rine an fifty millyun pork says Ba-
laam wild a shower u blows; an the
Ass goes on thremblin'.
"'Wah-hee! Wah-heel Wah-heer
says the Jack, shyin' so he near
threw his rider.
I'm ledRh We 70 shy at me Naval
Bill,' says Balaam. lar-rupin' the
basic so he cud scarce stand.
aye can't pass ut widout wearin'
Republican Clothes says the Jack in
a coarse whisper.
"sYe ASS says Balaam. Don't We
know that amy cloes is betther nor
nakedness? G'wan,' says BALKAN, In
tones Nv thunder. So the poor haste
lopes on, limpin' wild pain.
"Tve not time to tell ye all the ad-
ventures they had, but they KEEP on
over rough roads, now an then eros
sin a ditch on q wan term plank,
which made even Balaam unaisy.
ITry time the Jack kicked, he got
short rations an q wallop. So when
the journey was neal over, the poor
basic was all In, and far too proud to
fight. Any Jack-Ass can be that
when he's licked.
IVAN stormy night, the Jack blooms
into a harmony like q Dimycrat Tariff
Hymn played on a gaspipe wild the
feet.
"'Phwat ails We now?' calls BALKAN,
clubbin' him wild both hands.
".Nivver did 1 pass the like yells
the ASS, sweating and thremblin'. ut
says ut's an eight hour law. Oh, phwat
is ut?' screams the ASS to BALKAN,
feebly Vaughn his ears.
az dinno phwat ut is meself,' q Y
Balaam, but I know phwat ut's got
Balaam says.
"'Phwat?' axes the poor Ass.
alive hundther thousand votes,'
says BALKAN, wild a pious air. 'G'wan,
ye big Ass, an doant We argue wild
an Idaylist,' says Balaam to the Ass.
ave can't pass ut In the dark
pleads the Ass. Lave US wait for
light means the Ass, weepin'.
INK says Balaam. There's a hot
time comm an the votes'l spite.
Do ye thurst for sixteen more years
in the wilderness2 Giddap,' says he,
'purgin' yer heart says BALKAN, fv
iviry thought that's selfish says Ba-
laam, 'or personal chants BALKAN to
the poor ASS ticklin' the Jacks Stats
wild a couplin' pin.
by this time the Ass was so wore
out wild his ardyous labors, that he