South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1916-03-21
STATESMEN GREAT AND
AND NEAR-GREAT
BY Fred Kelly
BY Fred Kelly

" Af-Ns Ma IA " 49,
iHgton newspaper correspondents
have a cavalry troop which receives
military instruction at the hands of
army officers every Sunday morning.
The brave boys wear khaki uniforms.
One trouble with khaki is that in the
winter season il is only a wee trifle
warmer than no clothes at all.
Among those sojer boys was a chap
named Baker who is an enthusiastic
exponent of lightweight, knee
length underwear the year around.
He found however, that the man
who wears khaki suit and no over
coat and depends of B. V d. gar
ments for wamth is not operating on
a sound basis. SO he departed some
what from his underwear ideals and
bought himself a set of red flannels.
These were 10 be worn only during
the drill period on Sunday morning
and he figured that a single suit
would do nicely, one sunday, how
ever, he found that they were at the
laundry. AS all stores were closed
there was no chance to purchase 9th
ers. SO he started out TO get along
the best he could just with his B. Y.
DIS. But a forty-mile gale was
blowing, and he soon discovered that
he would have to make other ar
engagements. He returned to his
home and outfitted himself with the
best makeShift he could find.
Then he went to one of the army
officers in charge of the drill. called
him to one side and in a low, conf
Dental tone, said TO him:
In case I should be thrown from
my horse today and killed or serious
~ injured, beg of you to see that l
am not taken to a hospital. Take
me to my own home Do not. oh do
not, permit them TO carry me TO
hospital Any other time do as you
like, but not today. 1 simply can't
bear the thought OF being carried
Hfeless, or even half lifeless, to a hos
pital and looked after by total
strangers this morning"
1t was a week later before the
thing was explained.
He had been obliged to wear some
wooden garments belonging TO mis-
wife. and the garments were trim
med with pink ribbons.
Congressman Mckinley, multi-mil-
HOnaire traction magnate of Illinois,
aims to be q good fellow He has
horror of being thought proud or
naughty. The consequence is that
every time a stranger looks Mckinley
in the eye. the congressman is apt To
stop and shake hands with him.
I'm always afraid" explains Nc
Kinley. that he might turn out to be
a constituent"
One night there was a reception
given in McKinley's honor and he
circulated about among the guests
trying to put every man at his ease
He noticed one mOdest-appearing
little man whom he could not recall
although the face was familiar in
fact, that it haunted him. McKin-
lev and the stranger went and sat on
a lounge and talked and still the con-
gresham could not recall who the
fellow was.
Finally the stranger inquired:
Where is this man Mckinley? I
was asked 10 make a speech here to-
night. and I suppose I ought to mako
some reference to him, but l don't
even know him by sight"
well, the facT is" Mckinley was
forced to acknr -.edge. Il am Nc
Kinley. And yOu-let's see. l ought
to know. you-you-are-uh-
t." owned UP the stranger, am
Vice President Marshall"
Representative Percy z. Quin. of
Mississippi, was originally q jealous
pacifist but was won over to the
cause of preparedness by Pres't Will
son. FTe was being twitted in a
house cloakroom the other day about
his change of heart.
"Quin." said one congressman. "I
suppose you've heard that if we ever
have war. you're to be in direct
charge of one division Of the army"
''And how's that?' inquired Quin,
anxious 10 know the worst
Simply because the enemy would
never know where TO find you