New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1916-03-26

them felIcrS III congress Is dIdI IlllStS'
Sure, l know-alarmists Birsky said.
You can say that You've got floating
kidney and gall stones, Zapp, but every
body amt so lucky as you. got exam
ined for additional insurance in the o.
NJ A. last week, and the doctor said I
would pass for ten years younger than
am. Oo-ee! My poor wife"
What are you talking nonsense, Biz
sky?' Zapp said IF the worser comes to
the worst, they wouldn't take you for
soldier. You are too Old
What DO you mean-too old?' Birsky
retorted. AT my age Napoleon Bona
parte selig was fighting the battle of We
teroo ncbich, and General Grant olav
hasholom was older yet when he had his
troubles in 1861 So what show do I
stand?"
"Schmooes, BirskyT Zapp said. Right
now you could be as strong and healthy
as Jeff Willard even, and long before the
United States goes to war your friends
would be sitting around your front parlor,
and some of EN- says you left will and
others says you didn't, and anyhow the
estate was eaten up by the doctors bills
from such a lingering sickness. There's
more expensive ways OF dying than IN the
trenches, Brsky But, anyhow, Brisk, IL
we should got to go to war and we needed
it men so badly that they asked an alter
Bocher like you to fight, understand, you
wouldn't be talking this way. You would
want to fight It's like if you and me was
arguing whether champanyer wine IS
good for the human body, yunderstanc,
you would tell me it is poison already;
abcr if was to say to you: Come, Biz
skv. we will drink bottle Champayner
wine together the chances is that teller
which makes god out of his stomach the
way you do would get away with couple
quarts at my expense, even if you would
got from it Magcnbesch7cerden for month
afterwards"
Birsky Tipped the fingers OF both
hands derisively.
For all the stomach trouble people
would get from you blowing EN- to cham
panyer wine Zapp," he said, the soda
mint manufacturers might just so wei! 50
into the ammunition business and be done
with it,"
We'll. there you got the whole thing
in a nutshell" declared Zapp, who was
beginning to think he had gone little too
far in the statement of his hypothetical
case. He therefore changed the converse
ton The trouble with Americans IS no.
that they shouldn't ought to travel across
the ocean, but that they shouldn't ought
70 manufacture ammunition for them .e!-
lers in Europe; and it don't make no diff
ference that Congress couldn't pass a law
to prevent EN- from doing it; Americans
should ought to be decent enough to stop
it without being told
Why should they stop it?' Brsky
said. They amt doing no harm
What do you mean-they amt dong
no harm?" Zapp asked.
Why, you take Teller which used to
was in the art needlcwork business and
is now manufacturing shrapnel, y'urder-
stand" Brsky explained, and when they
fire one OF his bombs somewheres IN
France. and it bursts over the First Bran
denburger Schiitzen Corpse, the chances
is hundred to one that nothing drops out
Of it but two and six-twelfths dozen dotted
Swiss doilies that the Teller has had on
hand since 1902 and couldn't dispose OF
otherwise. It's the same way with a
breakfast food manufacturer which IS
now making up IS IA inch shells. The
English super dreadnought Lord Roths-
child fires whole broadside OF them
shells at the German battle cruiser Prinz
Wilhelm Franz Heinrich August ii, yum
derstand. and not only there amt Ger
man sailor wounded, understand, but
for the rest of the war them poor fellows
IS living on Scrambled Oats which was
swept up from the decks the day after the
battle. and which the breakfast food man
ufacturer tried his best and couldn't even
1--WE away in every pure food show from