Charlevoix county herald. (East Jordan, Mich.) 189?-1953, 1916-09-29
FINNEGAN'S PHILOSOPHY
Single Track Minds.

"What is hep" asked Finnegan. "Sure
ut Injainnypoles he said he was fuli
of Annymated Concerv'tism. Fwhats
that we say? T'is the turn-table on
the wan thrack mind. 1t kapes spin
min round and round an divil a man
can tell fwhat switch it will pick up.
1t dinnau itself. So We dinnau where
to lay for II.
"T'was so wild the arrumed freight
ships. They're not warships,' he says,
'onless | change me mind he says,
which l have he says, AN annywan
who says so is liar he says, but l
refuse to discuss it, he says. I'll
pass the buck to Congress- he
says, 'on'y l won't he says, for It's
no business of theirs he says, though
they must vote on the resolution, he
says, to show where they stand he
says, 'Hince yen lay 1t on the table,
he says, AN thin they can't vote,
says Wudthrow to Stone.
"T-I-thought l seen fallacy,'-
says Stone. timid like, but the Great
Idaylist brung down his fisht wild
lump.
liable the resolution says he,-an
away goes Stone.
"'Fwhat does this mean?' axes the
Sinit.
Gentlemen says Stone, weepin'
bitterly. 'Ye can frisk me. But Trims
the ORDERS says Stone, AN If amy
fN-fp lynnttr fxtrhut nj hos
KEEP quiet about it.
$50 wild the fightin' wurd. We're
too proud to fight says this turrible
man to a bunch iv just-overs at Phila-
dephy. HawHaw-Haw,' says the
wurld Ga laugh gets his goat, Jawn).
Il was thinkin' iv sOmethin' / didn't
say yells Wudthrow. 'Haw-Haw-
Haw,' says the wurld, laughin' to split.
"Be this an be that Too Proud to
Fight has made the reppytashun Nv
Wudthrow. TITS like the Monroe Doc
trine to Monroe, or Emanshipashun to
Lincoln. Twas thranslated into ivry
tongue. T'is better known than the
twenty-third psalm, or the famous or
alton iv the Guv-nor iv North Carliny.
If an Ashtantee pOked another In the
eye, he's give him the coon FIR Are Ye
Too Proud to FightT an they'd both
laugh befure they wint to the flure.
All the recruitin' signs abroad had Ii
an the shame wud bring three recruits,
where "Tipperary' or rum wud bring
wan. ooh, won't We PLACE stop laugh
in? says Wudthrow, but they laughed
the more. SO he sinds Jim Ham Lew
Is to explain. He's called Ham by rea-
son he's so fond of pork.
"Three thousand years agone,' says
Jim Ham, or maybe less says he, an
ould Dago said Non Dinny Carey win
Kerry Tor the like O. that, Jawn. 1t
means not to have a chip on yer
shoulder). Non Dinny Carey win
Kerry, says Jim Ham, AN julius Say
zer,' says he, an Tolmy Philadelphy,
says he, AN the Earl iv Cheatem,
says jim, an William Hatch Seward,
says Ham, AN lot more | forget,
says Ham, who felt the same way
says Jim, although he says, they
nivlr said So says Jim Ham to the
Sinit.
Now says he, how, l axe We, cud
the Prisidint know that the cultivated
Christian aujience,' he says, fv immy-
grants says he, 'wud fail to grasp the
nooance,' says Jim Ham An Jawn,
they shut the dures the way the peo-
pie wudden't see the Sinit lose its
dignity
"Fwhat's a nooancef" asked Nal.
umphy.
"Tis q sort iv intellectual gold
brick" replied Flnnegan, slightly puz.
zled, "be which We say fwhat We doant
name, an name wye doant say. The
nOOance comes out Nv II somehow
T'is like I dinnau what. Just exactly
like It," he added after a short pause
IL cudden't tell thin apart"
"Well," said Malumphy, "the single
thrack mind gets nowhere, I'm think
in"
9Th gauge is none too broad" re
piled his friend, IAN the thraffic's
heavy" he added.
'Non Dinicare est vincere.