davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-01-19
AS TO GETTING UP

From the Louisville Courief-Journal. n HE trials of farmer who moves
 to town are told by writer for
 IX Farm and Preside who says:
 We came to know that it was just as hard for the city man to get up at 7 O clock in the morning as it was for the country man to get up at D. Why SO? Because he must not relax; he is ever on duty. He must smile at this person and that person. He dares not notice any, one's peculiarities, or oddities or unreas- onableness. The result is he must find his relaxation in the evening; therefore the family rarely gets to bed before 10 or il o'clock, and in the morning finds him just as sleepy and far less refreshed than found him on the farm
 The truth is that there is no time at which it is pleasing to get up. Getting up in the world is a pleasure, but we re- fer to getting up from anything between 50-cent cot and a $40 mattress after having tried to indulge, to the point of satiety, a normal appetite for sleep.
 To get up willingly Is, as Lord Dun dreary would say, something no fellow can do." It simply isn't done, and can't be done. Absolutely nobody does It.
 The sufferer from insomnia gets up sadly, and curses his luck because ne did not sleep. The good sleeper curses his because he is not permitted to continue to sleep.
 There are persons who want to pc healthy, wealthy and wise. But they do not want to get up. They may do It.. Health and wealth and wisdom may be worth the struggle, and they may get up when the chickens still are meditating sleepily upon the relative allurements or the late roost and the early worm. But they dc not like it. W
 Early rising Is with some persons sort of religion like 4flagellation But they. like the rest of us, unless they are a afflicted. with a loss of the normal ca pacity for sleep, find the moment or ris- ing painful, however compensating the plea sure of boosting their early rising; the joy of bullyragging and belittling persons who frankly do not like at any time to get up. although they do it heroically every morning.
 ..But I cannot sleep after, 6 o'clock in the morning." declared an early riser who was wrestling spiritually with one who could sleep until he was dragged out of bed.
 "I haven't your disease countered the unregenerate one. And if had should be treated for it instead of blowing about it."
 It is about as hard tp get up at one hour as at another Getting up is one of the dreary necessities put upon us as a re suit of Adams transgressions. Had it been a cantaloupe vine instead of an ap- pie tree that the serpent pointed out, Adam might have been to this good ghoul. sending back cantaloupes in an effort ,o get a good one and we might nowzbs
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-01-19
EXPERIMENTAL STATIONS

From the Cincinnati TtmeS-Star Does prohibition prohibit? The coun- try will know more about this very i'm portant question at the end of 1916. For prohibition tackled on January 1 the biggest proposition in it's history. Seattle, Portland and Denver indiyidu ally exceed in population any city that has heretofore attempted to do without the saloon.
 Will these purified cities become like Atlanta, where open sesame finds with facility the alcoholic stimulant; Port land, Me, in which city there were 4OO6 arrests for drunkenness in 1913; or Topeka, a city of 45000 inhabitants, which received 90,062 gallons of liquo4' in September, 1913; according to the report made under the Mahin law of
 Kansas? Or will Seattle, Portland and Denver defy these precedents and accept in spirit the state decree of prohibition? l Statistics will be available. And they
 will tell story that will be an argu-
 ment for or against prohibition in other large communities.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-01-19
Only Little LuII Expected

Prosperity will continue throughout the year 1916, no matter what 1917 may have in store,' said W. P. Wormley of Chicago. That at any rate is the feeling in busi- ness circles in my section of the coun- try.
 But some people may say that presi- dential campaign years are usually dull years in the business world and that 1916 will follow the rule. As opposed to that view of the situation it must be remembered that the iron and steel pro- ducers have sold their output for the en- tire year at high prices, which means big pay rolls for 12 months and big pay rolls, of course, make for business activ- ity in general.
 "A little lull just before the election may be expected, but no matter what the political forecasts may be, prosperity is not likely to have any real setback
 1T believe we will see prosperity at full tide this spring.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-01-19
Evil Days for Amendments

1 The 27th of December was a baC day for Birmingham when the ta1
 amendment was defeated, and yester
 day was a bad day for Alabama, fol it brought defeat to the state bono amendment. There seems to be g
 predisposition among the people tc negative any amendment proposition
 While no more just or business-like measure was ever submitted to the voters than this which was to pro- vide for the liquidation of pressing debts and thereby protect the credit | of the state, and while nearly every prominent man in Alabama was for it, its failure at the polls causes little or no surprise; although the size of the majority against the amendment was hardly to have been expected. Governor Henderson and those who actively assisted him in furthering the amendment cause made earnest appeals to the people through the press and through the mails, but as lit turns out statewide speech making campaign was needed. Only by such means can the masses be fully aroused and convinced. The Age-Herald, seeing the drift of senti- ment against the amendment two or three weeks ago, made it plain that the one way-the only way-to as- sure it's ratification was for the can- wasting committee to launch a flying squadron campaign.
 The next amendment to be voted for is that giving the people of each county and school district the right to tax themselves for school purposes. Of all the bills in the interest of the rural schools passed by the legisla- ture last winter, this special tax measure was the most important. Not until such a measure becomes law will illiteracy in Alabama dis appear. That amendment will be submitted at the regular election in November and the friends of educa- tion might as well take notice now that in order to save it from defeat a great campaign must be planned and carried out.
 At the time the education bills were adopted this school tax amendment looked easy. But today nothing should look easy that bears the word amendment.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-01-19
A Mystery Boat"

It is reported from Chicago that search for human bones is being con tinued in the mystery boat" Unter- see, an early attempt at submarine pulling, which was sunk in the Chica- go river near Wells street bridge about twenty-five years ago and was raised last December. The submerged vessel was discovered by a diver who was laying cables for the Common wealth Edison company. It is being cleaned at the Fullerton avenue docks. The hull was almost full of mud, filth and debris, but last Satur- day two bones, thought to be those of man, and the skeleton of dog were recovered. If it is proved that the bones are those of man an inquest will be held.
 The Untersee was built according to the plans of an old German. He returned to his native land after the failure of his submarine and no trace of him has been found. Even his name has been forgotten. The quaint craft is shaped like cigar, but the stern is cut off square. It is thirty feet long and has a five-foot beam. The boat could not be submerged, and was not strictly submarine, but when it was in the water only about foot of it extended above the surface. It was propelled by hand power, having < two shafts ard two screws. There is room inside for crew of six men who could take turns at the cranks. It is estimated that the Untersee cost about $6000, as the hull is con- structed of steel and copper. The yes sol sank at it's dock in IS feet of water and lay there in the mud fol . quarter of century, either because there was no way to raise it to the surface, or because the inventor had exhausted his capital.
 Since no one seems to know wao the old German was, the mystery" of his boat will probably remain unsolved but if he is still living, he is no doubt keenly interested in the exploits o1
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-01-19
THE YELLOW KID DEAD
.om the Brooklyn Eagle.

From the Brooklyn Eagle.
 Edward Baker, said to be the original "Yellow Kid' of theatrical fame of 70 years ago, and known all over Brook lyn as the Champion Pie Eater" died recently, a charity patient in the Metro poIitan hospital. He was also absolutely penniless, although at one time he made
 much money with his remarkable ability to consume and absorb pastry, which earned for him the title King of the Pie Eaters"
 Baker, or "The Kid,' as he was popu- larly known in the eastern district, was a waif of the streets. Through his life, it was a dreary, cheerless existence, with
 the few years of brightness when his ap- pearance in local theatres drew the ap- plause of thousands. The height of his popularity came some 15 years ago, when, in the since vanished Unique theatre on Grand street, he managed to consume Il mince pies of the kind then selling at 20 cents each After this prodigious feat, he became the popular idol of certain
 element, which lasted until dyspepsia got the better of him.
 When his ability to digest the pies van-
 shed, Baker disappeared from the foot lights, and for sometime eked out an ex- istence by doing odd chores for actors and actresses. Some years ago he disap- peared but some few months ago he re-
 turned to his old haunts, and men who
 knew him in his prosperous days, saw to it that he had food and enough money to pay for his lodgings Among them were former County Detective James Short. Manager Turner of the Grand Street theatre; which disappeared long ago, and F. F. Montenes.
 Tuberculosis completed the ravages of indigestion, and when, through friends
 Baker was taken to the Kings County hospital, it was quickly found that there was no hope for his life.
 Whether the dead mans name is right or not, is unknown. He never knew his father or mother He was found by po- liceman, when a boy of or 8 years, in the ash dumps now covered by McCarren park. From the first he was called Ed die,' and later Baker was added to it.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-01-19
MOVIE MORALS BADs

From the Los Angeles Express.
 As 8 result of the bitter and wide spread controversy over whether movie folk are moral or immoral as a rule, the entire southland-the center of the motion picture industry of the worlds being stirred up in a way it was never stirred before.
 Ministers, laymen, judges, motion pie ture' heads, movie stars, legitimate stage people and others have become embroiled in argument which now seems likely to start such an investigation of morals as has never before been launched in any in- dustry.
 Started several days ago by a sermon of the Rev. Charles c. Selecman of Trinity auditorium, the wordy storm is hourly becoming more serious.
 Doctor Selecman has announced that his attack is not on motion picture stars nor on the industry, which he wants to boost. He says he is raising his voice in defense of the innocent, though per- haps, foolish girls who have to pay for the favor of some director or their ssis- tants.
 Added to Doctor Selecmans assertions are those of Superior Judge Charles Monroe, made in deciding a divorce ac- ton.
 T do not know what other people may think" he said but I find that there are no end of divorce cases on account of the motion picture business"
 In defense of the industry and the morals of it's folk. E. D. Horkheimer. sec retary of the Balboa Amusement Produc- ing company, asserts that because some young women who are film crazy live un- der immoral conditions, does not justify anyone in putting a stigma on the rank and file of moving picture people"
 He invited Doctor Selecman and others to investigate conditions in his plant, one of the largest in the country, and advises the minister not to put all motion picture companies in a common class in regard to morals because a few small companies have gained a bad name morally.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-01-19
HOTEL LOBBIES
Returns After Months Absence

T. A. Weller returned yesterday after an absence of a month, having visited Virginia, Maryland and the District of Columbia
 T spent sometime with my family in Danville, Va, and from there went to Washington and Baltimore" said MT. Weller T found prosperity prevailing in the Old Dominion and in Maryland. In Washington there was much political stir. and while the opinion among democrats seemed to be that Wilson would be re- elected, Bryan is doing all he can to muddy the waters and cause the defeat of the administration preparedness pro- gramme."
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-01-19

Government scientists have made a
 careful study of the grasshopper pest in
 the United States and ways have been
 found for coping with the destructive in-
 sect One of the most remarkable out breaks of this sort that has occurred in
 recent years was reported in New Mexico.
 In the spring the newly matched insects came out of the sandy areas in such null
 titudes that it was said that the ground
 in some districts was covered to depth
 of several inches The bureau of ento-
 mology of the department of agriculture immediately sent out a representative to study conditions. It was found that the grasshoppers covered an area of 40o to 800 square miles and in some places vegeta- ton was destroyed to such an extent that cattle were forced to travel as much as 13 miles from their watering places to reach grass The locusts accumulated on railroad tracks in such numbers that they interfered with train service. The investi- gators learned that the plague" in New Mexico originated from huge swarm of adult grasshoppers that settled in the sand hills during the fall and laid their eggs. The warmth of spring matched mill lions of insects which spread over the surrounding country. A curious trait of grasshopper "armies'' is the effect on them of sunshine and shadow. If cloud obscures the "hoppers' while on the march they stop immediately and are de- moralized, but as soon as the sun comes out again they resume their journey. Va rious methods have been perfected by ex- perts for destroying these insects. One of the most successful methods is a mixture of poioned bait which is scattered over the ground in the infested territory. Grasshoppers seem to be inordinately fond of lemons and oranges-the pulp, juice and rind. By mixing these ingredients with paris green and other poisons at least 95 per cent of the grasshoppers are killed.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-01-19

the Kaiser's U-boats, which have jus tified the inventors faith in the sub marine, although his own vessel met an ignoble fate, to be raised from the mud many years later and be- come a curiosity.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-01-19

You hear people clamoring for their rights all the time," answered the phios- opher.
 Quite so' answered the student of hu- man nature. but they don't seem to de- rive much satisfaction from the situation unless the restoration of their rights in- wolves great sacrifices on the part of the favored few.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-01-19
How sharper than 6 serpent's tooth it Il To have a thaDkless child!
 king Lear.

BEGINNING THE DAY-O Lord, may take my joy gladly, may bear nay pain brayely, may carry my burden patiently. May | be thank full in all things. Teach me the won- drous height and depth and richness of living my life faithfully, in high places or low. May l see footprints or the Master of men. Amen and amen. HI. M. E.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-01-19
NOTHING TO TT
From the Providence Journal.

From the Providence Journal.
 A health officer in West Virginia makes the pleasing suggestion that tapping on the shoulder" be substituted for kissing. Played in this style, the old-fashioned games of Copenhagen and "drop the handkerchief" would have been heaps of
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-01-19
At the Athletic Club Fireside

This cold wave has certainly struck town with telling effect" remarked J. D. Beavin, secretary of the Birmingham Athletic club.
 ''The fellows come scurrying from all directions muffled to the ears in heavy wraps and no sooner enter the club than they make a break for the roaring fire in the library. Of course, our club quarters are well equipped with steam heating ap- ing effect than does an open hearth blaze when really cold weather sets in.
 "We were well prepared for winter when it hit us. Our bowling alleys had only recently been equipped, and we had a great lot of large wooden balls and tenpens stacked in the basement which had been discarded. These have been requisitioned for fuel purposes with ex- cellent results, and the heat generated therefrom is of wonderful intensity.
 Needless to say, this sort of fuel would be exceedingly expensive were the blocks old. They are made of imported wood, lignum-vitae, believe 1t is called, which has been thoroughly steeped in oil to keep it from cracking, some of the larger balls being valued at several dollars. Naturally the burning of these old relics of the past caused much discussion and comment among the boys as well as heat, and one can readily imagine that the fel- lows thoroughly enjoy themselves in the light of the roaring fire as the bleak winter winds howl outside"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-01-19

True. It would be a good idea to con duct experiments where there would be no danger of blowing up submarine. Why didn't somebody think of that be- fore?
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-01-19
ROUGH ON LEE

From the New Orleans States
 The England (Ark) Democrat says: Lee Canida, of this town, is spending some time and nothing else with relatives at Vivian, La" This looks as if Lees town paper is knocking him.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-01-19
CoLD-BLooDED CRITICISM.

Its impossible to tell the truth all the time"
 "Sc> it seems. What prompted that re- mark"
 i've just been listening to man dis cussing the merits of his new motor car. The gloss of the tonneau, the luxurious upholstery, the dazzling reflection from the brass and nickel parts and the swiftly spinning wheels of new car never fail to bewitch the senses of it's owner and warp his judgment of a ma chine that is at best but striking ex- ample of mans inability to make any thing that is perfect
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-01-19
ALL CLEAR NOW

From the Arkansas Gazette
 Those London dispatches seem to ex- plain why Captain von Papen got so in- dignant when the British seized his bank books.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-01-19

A real elephant never forgives an in- jury. it is said, but the republican ele- phant seems disposed to let bygones be bygones, so far as T. R. is concerned
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-01-19

The New York millionaire who was fined $50 for stealing a kiss could probably af- ford it.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-01-19

Another point in favor of German eff ciency is that no time is wasted in idle talk.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-01-19

Melting the snow and ice of the recent
 cold wave has proved more than two days job for old Sol.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-01-19

California occasionally has a slight earthquake shock, but the Californians are not advertising the fact. It might hurt business.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-01-19
QUICKLY DEFEATED.

You say this western statesman styles himself Tornado Bill?'
 'Yes. Among his constituents he's the big wind, but by the time he reaches Washington his velocity has spent itself and becomes a feeble whisper
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-01-19

MT. Wagner's baseball "reminiscences are written from "memory's book" phrase doubtless originated by the man who is writing them for him.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-01-19

The Italians say they are not to blame for the defeat of Montenegro. Maybe not, but in the long run they will doubtless have to suffer for it.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-01-19

It is said that Mrs Wilson has smile
 keep up that pace long.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-01-19

The peace tourists seem quite content
 to wait for developments. Why shouldn' t they be? Henry's paying the bills.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-01-19
JUST LIKE A PEACE PARTY.

JUST LIkE "A PEACE PARIY.
 Noah was having a hard time keeping order on board the ark. His sons quar- uous commotion among the animals.
 "Oh, dear!" exclaimed Mrs. Noah What are we coming to?''
 Don't ask me- answered Noah. If this were the Oscar IT, I would say we were coming to Copenhagen.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-01-19

Time works many changes. General Villa may some day be the chief attrac- tion of an amusement zone at an Amer
 ican fair.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-01-19
UNUSUAL CHARACTER
the Nickerbocker Press

From the NICKerDOCker PreSS.
 Vermont landlady gives up keeping boarders rather than raise the price of board. She was too soft hearted for that business, anyway.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-01-19

The published photographs of some of the favorite sons show why they will
 never be President.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-01-19

The Russians are striking some heavy blows i'll the Caucasus. Is Grand Duke Nicholas trying to "come back?'
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-01-19
RARE BIRDS.

8 RARE BIRDS.
 There is nothing more ridiculous than a bald-headed barber trying to sell a customer a bottle of hair tonic.''
 "Oh, don't know. Did you ever see
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-01-19
MORE ABOUT THE BARON

How can Greece make up her mind wher the allies are crowding her so?
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-01-19
WORTH EMULATING

Behold happy citizen
 Who has no loud complaints to make; He sees a picture now and then
 And when the weathers fair will take His large and growing family
 Out for a walk or trolley ride. Although he lives in poverty,
 The absence of all foolish pride Assists him greatly to enjoy
 The blessings small that come his way He'll never know the sweets that cloy,
 Nor spend a disappointing day
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-01-19

There is no particular reason for the Japs to be throwing bombs, unless they think that q good way to get their taxes
 lightened.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-01-19

In the meantime that aviator who was going to fly across the Atlantic ocean .'as soon as the war is over,' continues his policy of watchful waiting
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-01-19
ADRIFT WITH THE TIMES
A SPITEFrUL SPIRIT.

beauty doctor who was really good looking?"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-01-19
UNDEsERvED PUNISHMENT.

"Gadsworth is suffering from psy- chological jazz said the first citizen of dry town.
 What do you mean by that?' asked the second citizen.
 He spent three hours last night in vain attempt to locate quart of liquog." ''Well?"
 And this morning he woke up with As headache"