davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1916-03-14
TOOK FIRE ALARM FOR CLOCK
John BarIeycorn Punched the Wrong
Box on New York Wharf and
Started a Panic.

Here's warning to watchmen. III
the fire alarm is near the time clock
don't take too many eyeopeners be-
fore you punch the clock at Z o'clock
in the morning, advises the New York
Herald The old idea of not being
able to find the keyhole after night
with Bacchus has been relegated to
the scrap heap with Joe Millers Quips,
but watchmen had better watch out,
because something happened recently
on the Ward line pier, East River,
which only goes to prove that watch
men cant ind the keyhole and are
subjected to this form Of malady in
particular.
The MORO Castle of the Ward line
is lying in it's berth at Pier 1S. Re-
Gently there have been several pier
fires, all Of which have been attribut-
ed to friends of the kaiser. On a re-
cent morning, about the hour that the
ink factories open up for the swinging
doors, one of the watchmen on the
Ward line piers sauntered over to one
of the emporiums and ordered liquor
in deep sea voice. He got it. And
then he got more, and gradually the
bottom of a quart bottle made it's ap-
pearance. Said Waterman was deep
in his cups when he suddenly remem-
bered that o'clock was the time to
slip his key into the time clock and
be marked present. It's well to re-
member for these things-but wait!
On the pier the fire alarm box and
the time clock are close enough to-
gether to shake hands The watch
man. arriving with a list to port,
found the fire alarm first and punched
it. Result-many fire engines and the
fire boat New Yorker. South street
was in an uproar, and officials
Of the line were notified of a fire
on the MORO Castle. There wasn't
anybody more surprised than the
Waterman when the fire fighters ar
rived. He helped look for the blaze,
stoutly protesting that no fire could
occur with him on the job. He would
have got away with the bluff, only he
forgot to ring in on the time clock.
Later the tape showed him as absent
at seven o'clock and he had then re-
covered sufficiently to confess. He
still has his job, because, it was ar
gued, if a Waterman really prevents
fires he has the right to ring in a
little alarm himself once in a while.
Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1916-03-14
FEED DRY COWS AND HEIFSI
Building Up Frames and GIVING
stitutionaI Vigor 10 Calves
True Foundation.

The feeding Of the dry cow !
heifers that must build up the u,
and give constitutional yigof
young calves, is the true foundsD-
improved dairy COWS. Yet 'ns !,
age dairyman feeds his pregnal' 4
and heifers the refuse Of hIs ia'D
best hay, wheat bran and lIn''..
meal is fed to cows that are
milk. The very elements tlD
needed by the COW at this pen"
withheld. "A
Carbonaceous foods, which s''
and fat, are but little needed y
ply nourishment to the ietuS'
material to build up bone
and blood, during the rapid gfO's
development is needed 10 noI~
unborn calf.
Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1916-03-14
As L sometimes Hannens

Congratulate me, dear" said the
first leap-year girl. I'm engaged to
be married"
What" exclaimed her fair compan-
ion. You engaged to be married ?
Why. only last week you said you
wouldn't marry the best man on
earth"
Yes" admitted the other, but that
was before anyone accepted me-"
Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1916-03-14
For Public Safety.

The mayor Of the city and his cabi-
net were solemnly considering the
problem Of safety in the streets. The
police commissioner had stated his
views and others proposed various
legislative measures 10 control vehicle
drivers and pedestrians. Finally II
was the turn of the corporation coun-
sci 10 speak = think" he said with
judicial calm. that what we need is an
ordinance TO make the girls wear long
er skirts. Then fewer men would set
run over in the streets"
Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1916-03-14
BY CARL VRooMAN,

Assistant OSCTCbdIy VI rNSi'SGiASiS'
A description of some of the COM
monest pests that corn-belt farmers
have to combat is given in a section
of a new bulletin of the United States
department of agriculture, written by
Carl Vrooman, assistant secretary, in
order to suggest to the farmer ways of
turning to financial profit scientific
advice. In addition to describing che
pest the bulletin tells of the most eff
fective ways in which the damage that
they cause may be guarded against.
On this subject the bulletin says in
part:
The chinch bug is black, with white
wings 1t winters in dead grass, piles
of dead leaves and the like. Burning
such rubbish during fall or early win
ter, especially along fence rows and in
other places where the pillow does not
Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1916-03-14

They call him Uncle Sam" out at
the Washington zoo, where he is
housed after a weekend visit to the
president of the United States. Uncle
Sam" was sent to the president by
Judge G. F. Patrick of Ouray, Colo,
as an emblem of Colorado's indorse-
ment Of the presidents preparedness
program. His size and irascible
temper made him an unwelcome guest
and he was sent to the zoo.
Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1916-03-14

"hsDhodelia Twobble wants an out
let fvr her soul"
What does she propose to do?"
"She thinks of going in for art"
Can she paint?"
Only her face. but she says she
would dearly like to smoke cigarettes
and drink tea in an atelier."
Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1916-03-14
nantn,s CIair, RniecteH

What was that tenderfoot tryin' to
Sell yOus" asked BrouCho Bob. "Dante's
Inferno" replied Three Finger sam
Il told him l didn't see how Dante had
any business stakin' q claim on what
Crimson Gulch was liable TO produce
gratis and abundant any minute. -
WASHINGTON Star.
Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1916-03-14
Her Experience.

In case of war" remarked the
man who occupied the third floor hall
bedroom, our boarders are going to
be a source Of worry"
u don't doubt it" replied the land
lady. I've never found them anything
else even in times Of peace"
Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1916-03-14
Reckless Bravery.

Have you ever stopped 20 think
how many deadly germs there are on
a dollar billy"
"Oh, yes" replied Mr. Jobson, sigh
ing deeply. but whenever l see a man
with a big roll of bills in his hand |
long to share his peril"
Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1916-03-14

common field ants, which kes,
herd the aphis as a sort Of dom,'
animal for the 'honeydew" it sao.,'
The eggs of the aphis are kent ,'
winter in the nests of the ants p wv
ton is the best means of fgbti,"
aphis. as it does not feed ON ..
grain or legumes. However if an
tested field must be planted to ~.
second year, the aphis NAV
checked by deep plowing and 5ish'',
during very late fall or winter N
breaks up many of the ants nest, 81
stroying both ants and aphis egg.
Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1916-03-14
Reason for Old Jokes

Why are there so many old jokes
on the stage?" 'Oh. they go good.
That is due to the feeling of superb
ority produced by the fact that you
know the answer. while the actor gink
wGU Is being told the joke apparently
does not. kansas City Journal.
Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1916-03-14
pisadNantarrs ~ A..

Men Of age object too much. consult
too long, adventure too little. repent
too soon and seldom drive business
home TO the full period. but content
themselves with s nediocrity OF sue
cess--Bacon.
Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1916-03-14
Good Habit.

You will get accustomed to living
your life right through with a want
in ii. We all have TO do that You
will get accustomed 10 wanting. ana
this habit will come to be a part OF
your life, You will be all the better
for it'll. s. Merriman.
Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1916-03-14
Always thus.

Il understand they want to turn dis
tiIleries into munition factories"
1T might help, if they do. But it's
the old story of the ultimate consumer
getting the worst Of ii"
Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1916-03-14
PRUNING Different Trees

II is a mistake to try 10 -
kinds of trees to the same sl2Y5
ferent varieties naturally O''r 7,
in different ways. To pFune q
same form may badly crippi' "
ing qualities.
Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1916-03-14
Grouchy Chan.

do you think any of the girls will
really propose this year,"
Il don't know. But if they do ! hope
the men won't giggle and whisper II
around, as some of the girls do"
Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1916-03-14

All feeble minds and sill dilletanti
want. first of all. definitions in matters
that are not subjects OF deductive
thinking. The Roman iurists. the
greatest the world has ever seen.
taught Us TO beware Of definitions.
Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1916-03-14
nood Strain Of sesd.

Be sure to get a good siFail "A
especially Of cabbage, tona1o -
ion seed. The rule also an n
florist plants, such as pan'''"
mas. aud petunias.
Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1916-03-14
Be Careful with currveor,n

Don't dig too hard with the curry.
comb On the under side Of the body Of
any animal. unless you want to get
into trouble. That's a pretty ticklisb
spot; go lightly there.
Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1916-03-14

DO you care for the finer things of
life?" asked the soulful young woman.
oh, yes" answered Mr.. Dubson. IF
l had to work all the time and never
play, I'd want to die"
Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1916-03-14
Make Work Worth While

Cows that produce large amounts of
butterfat are good to contemplate. but
1t requires time. effort and persistence
to get them, and in the getting a good
many blanks will be drawn; but the
prizes make the effort worth whils
Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1916-03-14
chInoh Rua-(a,bl Eeus; ID Newly


Hatched Larvae; (d) Its Tarsus or
Leg; (e) Larva After First Mott;
II Same After Second Mott; (u)
Last-Stage Larva. The Natural
Sizes Are Indicated by Small Lines
at Side; (h) Enlarged Leg of Per-
feet Bug; Cd Tarsus of Same, More
Enlarged; lat Right Proboscs or
Beak, Enlarged.
stubble, when that can be done with
out hurting other crops. Another way
is to pillow under the stubble deeply as
soon as the crop is off. Still another
way is to SOW wheat as late as posi-
BILE, so that the young plants will not
be above ground at the time when the
flies are laying their eggs. When the
Hessian fly is prevalent all volunteer
wheat should be plowed down. Rota-
ton of crops helps to keep the fly in
check. Cor fuller details about the
Hessian fly. see Farmers Bulletin
64O.)
Inc army worm may be killed by
the use of a poisoned-br bait, made
of pound of paris green mixed with
twenty pounds of wheat bran. Damn.
en- the mixture with water that has
been sweetened with sirup-the refuse
strip from sugar mills is best-at the
rate or two quarts of strip to three
gallons of water and add the Juice of
half dozen oranges or lemons. The
mixture should be well dampened IN
dough, but not enough to render IL
mushy. Sow the bran broadcast wbere
the worms are feeding. The army
may be checked when marching
from one field to another by scatter.
ing this mixture in front of them.
The bran bait will be eaten greedilv
while damp, but hardly at all when
dry. 1t is therefore important that the
bait be scattered in the evening. or
better yet. at early daylight.
Cutworms may also be killed bv the
use OF the bran bait. Scatter it about
the hills of corn.
The corn root-aphis is perhaps the
worst insect pest of the corn-belt corn.
heid. The aphis lives almost entirely
upon the roots Of the young corn. be-
ing carried from place to place by the
Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1916-03-14
Foxes Good BAT catrhers-

Foxes have been trained 10 catch
rats by a man residing in Ambergate.
Derbyshire, England He claims that
they are better than dogs for the work.
Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1916-03-14

Was the public dinner you went 10
q success 1t was the best dinner
ever attended Every speaker who
was down for a speech had tonstlliVis.'
Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1916-03-14

The
babies elaborate
federal chidens bureau of the department labor
special needsbh
ahrop chief the
in
hygiene. editor Children pamphlet
Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1916-03-14
Consume Much cacao.

This country is the worlds largest
consumer of cacao.
Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1916-03-14
TINE IS NOT RIPE
URGING WILSON TO TERVENE
FOR PEACE IN EUROPE is
USELESS.
HE AWAITS AN OPPORTUNITY

Possibility of Ending the War Always
in Presidents Mind, but He Knows
the Fighting Nations Are Not Ready
to Quit
South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1916-11-28
THE PULPIT TO
ALLAY SENTIMENT FAVORlNG
HOUSING SURVEY"

Injection Of Dr. Charles S Bosenbury city health
officer into ministerial fraternity, sort of circuit
riderke to preach sundry congregations of the
CITY ON religion and health may be atrustic enough
in purpose so far as concerns the clergy from its
view Of altruism but anyone who has had occasion
TO hear the health officer of his preachments,
the purpose the city hall angle is plainly
enough open to other interpretations.
Grounds for suspicion that the ministerial associa-
ton degeneraed taking political aspects OF
sort that SAVIOR of a regio Tammany hall attachment
to Mayor Fred w KelIers machine have stood ap-
parent for long be in need of comment ana
that someone more directly representing the mayor,
should have been attached to that organization TO help
nolIycoddle various congregational parishioners is
perhaps no more than to be expected. We cannot
blame the clergymen. They merely that much
putty in the hands a designing and somewhat ultra
clever politician. their unsophsticated sincerity.
they are hardly TO be expected 10 follow him AT his
swift gait
No question but that Mayor Keller has complied TO
an unusual degree with the ministerial wish with re-
spect to the enforcement of the liquor laws He has
even complied TO an unusual degree with wish in
that particular but decline let that fact blind
as 20 everything else. To paraphrase bungiesome
sentence credited 10 "a southern colored nanny En-
forcing the liquor laws thing that Maycr
Keller never did anything else but'-and just now,
and recently when he been preparing to- and now
S,
farces with respect lettering the living conditions
of the people Bosenburys appearance in any num-
Der Of pulps quite evasiyely defend the farce
and attach onto the liquor law enforcement pro-
eram is merely neat political sequence
Al Westminster Presbyterian church, sunday night.
for Instance Dr BoSenbury pulled this
Disease is The product Of physical condi-
tons and not % environment. If the body
sound and free from faint environment will
not affect ill.,
or that effect supplemented los the pretense
that inspection of school children. extension of the
work Chudrcns dispensary, Circle of Mercy day
nursery Visiting Nurses association. ETC. to De follow
ID where necessary 10y preventative treatment by ply
s,iaus-we presume az the recently Increased rates
said go have been approved by the medical society
VIII render the public health amply cared for
This theory IS reiterated too by Surgeon Carroll Fox
he-e 90 carry the Keller Bosenbury evasiye pro-
gram Through -e-eaHed sanitary survey ACCORDING
10 an Interview eiyen out yesterday Nurses TO him
however seen to he the sole salvation OF the under
worll .s1.lroamen- is important but paramount.
he says -chars ana ash piles do not communicate
disease; 10 the people that communicate
germs FEAR apparently exists somewhere that some
South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1916-11-28

civilized world 75 years ago. Before
the introduction of steam and ma
chinery, nine-tenths of all manual
labor was so unintelligent that il
might as well have been done with
the hind feet IS with the hands,
and a trifling addition Of 25 or even
30 percent more stupidity and mud
die medicines by alcohol would
never have been noticed.
In other words. Il is since labor
has become Intelligent and hope
ful, since business has become in
tereshng and fascinating in its pos
sibiiities Of conquest, since the pro-
LESSONS have become rational and
progressive. since lire has become
happy and really worth living that
drunkenness has declined and
alcohol ceased 10 be q necessity of
life.
South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1916-11-28
hklings and Thnklings
By Wex Jones

of
nd his
A neve ski
congratulated Serbia
his OF
o a
Is a diamond"
The devlh not yet ted Sunday
South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1916-11-28
NOVEMBER %, 1910.
For FORTY CENTS.

They're on Chicago's public diet squad of twelve
Young persons have started effort to prove that
a person can live well forty cents per day Food
experts physicians and economists all over the country
viii closely watch the experiment
We have the first days Take look at it:
Breakfast: Apples liver and bacon, one egg, muffin
butter coffee.
Lunch: Dreamed goldfish baked potatoes corn bread
butter cocoa.
Dinner: Vegetable soup. pot roast. parsnps cram
berry sauce rice and raisin pudding tea.
OF course all cost OF cooking does not appear in
the cost Of these things All we've got to at this
time is that Chicago restaurants or boarding
houses that will furnish such meals at thirteen and
onehird cents apiece people of the United States
would make money by moving to Chicago.
The members Of this diet squad were carefully
weighed in order that the effects their physical
condition might the end of the experiment
II that squad becomes lean and ank on such menus
we will another of 100 or any
other number who viii guarantee to get fat on SUCH
meals Fact is. personally willing to take risk
on such meals as long accent payments will hold
out The cook who furnish fruit liver and bacon,
eggs mullins butter and coffee breakfast for Is l-S
cents for instance marrying and settling down
with
South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1916-11-28
FEWER FARMERS.
Seattle Post-Inteligencer.)

Seattle Post-Intelligencer
The Des Moines capital calls at
tention 70 the fact. disclosed by
analysis OF census figures, that the
rural population Of Iowa is steadily
declining in relative proportion 70
the urban population and now con-
sututes but ass per cent Of the
whole. Iowa seems to be showing
the same tendency as other states
in a migration OF its rural popula-
ton citywards
Iowa has always been considered
as primarily an agricultural state.
At the time the census Of 1910 was
takene95 per cent Of the entire area
OF the state was in farms II has
no large cities. in the modern sense.
Yet the majority OF the people OF
that state have fOrsaken the farm.
this certainly cannot bs a. account
South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1916-11-28
ONCE-OVERS
YOU'RE pROBABLY \ MODEL TO sONrEBOD,

\
o
he would like to be.
be boy in has
you as he he
IN
example
"realm an of
his IS 10 a job 10 e
70
own lie ma [
o a a or bad
he what
enec hi
TO TO in
prOftaby
South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1916-11-28
Phamoas Phules

PhamoHs Phules.
The Albert who malls = letter in
the fire alarm box.
The simp who writes love letters
TO actresses.
The boob who sits beside you at
a concert and huns all the selec-
uons.
The nut who wears a full dress
suit but forgets TO clean his finger
nails J. J. W.
\ Month Ago.
A month ago, when Teddy reared
And Taft our present state deplorc6 !;
When Wilcox led the noisy band
OF knockers. who throughout the
land
Proclaimed the fact Sha. prices
scared
While Wilson ruled; when Wall
street ward
'Gainst wilson's policies. my gOurd
Of bitterness weighed in my hand
A Month ago.
But since the people have ignored
The howlings of this molly horde
Have stamped with their approx
ing brand
The work of Wilson. pleased
stand,
Although ] was distinctly bored,
A Month ago.
JOSEPH MERRIAM.
South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1916-11-28
THE MELTING POT
Conducted by Stuart H. Carroll
IMAGINATION.

a
prison oiled
and gds the enchanting
Imagination skilled wonderful makes the
bride
M
pleasure
brainless a and a
But strict neutrality
their thrones and and humber
dislike their
with unned reclamation doubtful
checked
Arthur
South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1916-11-28

Of the meager returns from farm
ing. The industry is being carried
On as largely as ever and has been
extraordinarily profitable of recent
years. as shown by the rapid and
large increase in values.
Indeed, the Iowa farmer ranks
really as a capitalist. The average
value OF the Iowa farms. including
buildings and equipment, is given
by the 1910 census as over $4,000.
and there arc over 100000 farms in
the state. One explanation Of the
exodus from the farm is seen in the
steady increase in the size Of Iowa
farms. In that state there are 2,64o
OF over 800 acres in extent and 2lf
over 1000 acres each. More than
haf OF the Iowa farms are between
lI5 and i9S acres.
The successful farmer. APPARENT
~, has gradually been buying out
the less successful, actuated DIV the
controlling instinct of many farm
ers, who want nothing save all of
the land which adjoins them. The
purpose To raise more corn. 70
feed more hogs 10 sell. 70 buy more
land on which TO raise more corn.
and so on indefinitely.
one other item perhaps TO be con-
sidered is the growing number OF
tenant farmers in that state. In the
majority Of cases, probably. this
means that the owner Of the farm
has reached advanced life, has de-
cided 70 quit work and lease ais
farm, retiring TO town 10 live upon
the income. thus swelling the urban
population.
South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1916-11-28
At THE DOOR.

He wiped his shoes before his door.
But ere he entered ne did more.
Twas not enough 10 cleanse his feet
OF dirt they'd gathered in the street.
lie stood and busted of his mind
And left all trace Of care behind.
In here 1 viii not take" said he.
The stains the day has brought
10 me.
Beyond this door shall never go
The burdens that are mine 10 know;
The day is done. and here ] leave
The petty things that vex and grieve;
What clings TO me OF hate and sin
To them I will not carry in;
Only the good shall 20 with me
For their devoted eyes 10 see.
Il will not burden them with cares,
Nor track the home with grim af-
fairs;
I will not al my table sit
With soul unclean. and mind unfit;
Beyond this doo- I will not take
The outward signs Of inward ache
I will not take a dreary mind
Into this house for them 10 ind.
He wiped his shoes before his door,
But paused to do a little more
He busted off the stains of strife,
The mud that's incident TO life,
The blemishes of careless thought.
The traces Of the fight he'd fought,
The selfish humors and the mean,
And when he entered he was clean.
Copyright, 1916. by The Reilly &,
Britton CO..
South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1916-11-28
CONSIDER HIM LADY.

Miss Rankin cOngresswoman from Montana has 20
eeived proposal from Oklahoma lawyer. who says
ne is temporarily employed picking cotton"
ANY lawyer who will and work is worth look
ing twice, Miss Rankin. He'd be shining star
amongst those lawyers a Washington. anyway
South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1916-11-28

Holland notifies Germany the deportation of
Belgian workmen gives her painful impression
This viii make Germany flood herself with tears OF
remorse.
South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1916-11-28

when asked about his candidacy in 1899 Teddy
merely said, Pipe dreams!" BY goy, the man is go
ing back to shorter and uglier-nords
South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1916-11-28
Perfection
SnOkeleSS
Oil Heater

DURNSkeroSene, the cheap
D est kind of fuel and always
available. Any good kero-
Sene will give satisfaction, but
for best results use Perfection
Oil.
This little furnace of heating
energy Gt weighs only twelve
pounds, is IS inches high and
IL inches in diameter Will save
a lot on your fuel bill if you
live in a house, and add lot TO
your comfort if you live in an
apartment.
South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1916-11-28
Arthur Brooks Baker.

When the birds above are triIling,
Then we love the summer more.
Is. II