The Goldfield news and weekly tribune. [volume] (Goldfield, Nev.) 1911-1947, 1916-12-16
GRIDIRON'S
SATIRE IS
big HIT
BANQUET OF NEWSPAPER MEN
Is OCCASION OF MUCH
MIRTH

ton and public issues enlivened the
annual dinner of the Gridiron club
Saturday night. President Wilson,
members of the cabinet, diplomats,
political leaders, members and mem
bers-elect of congress, publishers
and prominent industrial fnan-
cial figures of the country were
guests.
The climax of the entertainment
a presented in "The Gridiron Fol-
lies of 1916" The scene for the
fcllies was laid in Lafayette Park,
opposite the White House and re-
vealed as principal characters Vance
Mccormick, chairman of the demo-
cratic national committee and Will
liam r. Wilcox, chairman of the
republican national committee.
At the close of an opening
chorus sung by a Galaxy of States"
with the theme, Come, let us have
a jolly time, no matter who's cleo
ted" Mccormick and Wilcox were
disclosed and engaged in good-na-
tured dialogue:
McCormick-Cheer up, Mr.. Will
COX, the battle is over. Somebody
had to lose.
WillcoX-Sombody did.
Mccormick - Remember, you've
much to be thankful for.
Willcox-Yes, we lost Utah, but
saved Vermont.
Mccormick = Never mind that.
Here in the presence of this galaxy
Of states we can talk things over
dispassionately.
Willcox-Say, l thought you said
the battle was over.
McCormick-So it is. Tonight we
are just indulging in a little caustic
comment on current events.
Wilcox-Well, if you're holding a
post-mortem, what was the matter
with New York?
McCormick-Murphy, curse him.
Willcox-What will become of
the Tammany Tiger?
McCormick-It will be an open
season on tigers for the next four
years. Here comes the wandering
minstrel show.
Willcox-By the way, did Will
liam j. Bryan participate in this
campaign?
notwithstanding He sup
ported the president loyalty.
Willcox-Perhaps. But he must
have had laryngitis. His voice did
not carry as far as usual.
Mccormick - Speaking of weak
voices, the state of Maine had some
impeachment in it's speech on No
vember 7. From 1900 in Septem-
Der to 1000 is some drop.
Willcox-But Colonel Roosevelt
did not suffer from vocal trouble.
His voice was heard throughout the
land.
McCormick-So I noticed from
the returns. He helped us in the
winning Of the west.
Bryan-Well, Teddy, what is the
difference?
T. R.-You intend to make the
democratic party dry and I have
made the republican party sweat.
Another ~travesty entitled the
Ghost Skit" was cast in a "Spook
Court with a court sitting in
judgment on the astral spirits of
aspirants for positions in the new
cabinet.
When the announcer heralded the
spirit of Henry Ford, the astral
body of the Michigan manufacturer
arrived rafting a lot Of tin cans"
Chief Judge.-The music is fami-
liar, What seek you, Mr.. Ford?
Ford want to be secretary of
the treasury.
Chief Judge-Why?
Ford-So I can find out how to
make money.
Chief Judge-Warden, sweep out
the padded cell for Mr.. Ford.
Announcer-The spirit Of Joseph
F, Tumulty, secretary to the presi-
dent.
Chief Judge-When did you &C
quire an astral body, Mr.. Tumulty?
trail body, Mr.. Tumulty?
Tumulty-About a week before
election.
Chief Judge-Sulpose the cabinet
job only pays an astral salary?
Tumulty-Then hand it to some
body else. Both my astral body and
myself are practical men
The spirit Of Secretary of War
Eaker next appeared.
Announcer = Mercy! It's the
nero of Valley Forge = the Hon.
Newton d. Baker.
Chief Judge = Greetings, MT.
Baker, in the name of George Wash
iEgton and his army. What news
from the border?
Baker-Aw, forget that. The
election is yer