Martinsburg herald. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1881-1920, 1916-10-07
FINNEGAN'S PHILOSOPHY
NS~~~~C
PitiIess Publicity.

MeSeit could tell him. where PHI
less Publicity"T says Hughes. In the
Ash Cam says /. Twas all right on
the stump, but In Washin'ton It's
differ. The Harp that wanst through
Trenton's halls'-I name Tumulty.
Whin he bursts into song now he picks
his chuneI
ATS not that Prisidnt Wilson is
less public than Candydate Wilson
He's less pitlless. IT'S like the show
man. He tells We all, an more, about
tn illyfant, but he has mintal res'va-
shune about the spotted baby.
$50 it is wild Wilson. He's sofned
the hard heart ~ 'Pitiless Publicity
How about the Postmastersr axes
the refawrumers. Wen niver tell ye,'
says the Cmishun. For why?' says
the League. 'T'wid embar'ss tn Adj
ministhrashun,' says the C'mishun.
And the people laughs. 'Ye fired tn
Hid iv the Cinsus,' says Hughes. 'Ye
lie,' says Redfield. He raysined wild
out bein' axed,' says he. 'Ye lie yer
SELF says Durand. 'Ye towld me ye'd
fire me, an ye gev me place to a
Politician says Durand. Ixac'ly fwhat
1 said,' yells Pink Whiskers, L was
goin' to fire We anyway, but I niver
axed we to raysine,' says Pinky. An
the people roars.
"'Tell us about all thin Dishurvin'
Dimmycrats,' says the people. An
Washin'ton is sweep be storm iv
silence.
"But doan't ye think there's no pub
licity at all. Teddy himself was none
gunshy with the papers, but he cud
be quiet, too.
"WeH grab some land in Vinzu-
eely,' says the Ambassydure.
'tem'prily,' says he. Yen not says
Teddy, ven agree to arbitrate,' says
he, or he says, in tin days Deweyll
be there says Teddy.
Me Ry'le Masther will niver con-
sfnt,'' says tn other. Thin says Ted
dy. TIL sind Dewey at wanst. There's
no use waitin',' Teddy says. How'd
EN- says the Ambassydure. we
agree says he,-an' divil bit did we
know how it was for dozen year.
wen have Ferdy Carey alive, or
the Bashi Bazook dead says Teddy,
an back comes Ferdy. An the papers
says On demand iv the State Depart
ment Ferdy Carey has been released
An that's all.
"How is 1t now? The greasers
slaughtered twinty at Sanity Isabel. An
other Mexican Crisis says the head
lines, 'Twinty Americans killed. they
says. The Prisidint Calm says they.
'Ates Bacon and Eggs. Plays Goluf,'
says the headlines. An the paper
goes on:
"The Prisidint's appytite at break
fast was good, tn leader iv the ma
shun gettin' outside iv' grape fruit,
bacon an eggs, hot biscuit an coffee.
Whin Docther Grayson announced the
was much relaved.
1.-THE Prisidint is solyin' in privacy
the fateful question, "Will me throat
last?' The answer is waited wild few
erish anxiety
"Mondah, the papers says 'Nashun-
, al Disaster? Sore Throat Feared, Pan
ic at the Capital. The Prisidint Calm.
CONSERVATION was spread among
all classes today be the report that
the Prisidint awoke with a sore throat
Strong men tainted before they cud
reach the nearest saloon. There is
talk iv appintin' day iv prayer. 1t
is hoped that Senior e-ye-on-though
IL
raysisted ixicushun. high authority
states that this wud end the crisis.
The Prisidint made but wan remark
"Av they'd not been there they'd not
iv been kilt"
"Choosdah, they says, Hope revives.
No sore throat. Bitten by insect.
Prisidint calm. All Phrases iv Mat
Their to be considered
1.-THE anxiety in the Capital was re-
laved today be the folowin' bulletin:
1.-the Prisidnt has a slight per-
foration in the cuticle over the infery-
ure maximary caused by insect bitin'
him whin asleep. The patient was too
proud to scratch. (SigneD Grayson."
at is reported also that Gineral
Scott will so to the border to bury the
dead, and apologize to the Insurgents.
He will axe Carranzy. whether he wud
accept a loan If offered. This is con-
sidered the thrue Sutton iv the diff
Guilty
"Winsdah the Prlsidint goes motor
in, Thursdah he writes a note and
Gineral Scott starts for the border.
Fridah the headlines says Peace in
Europe near. Prlsidnt studyin' terms.
Will he stop the war? Another note
expected. Capital excited over report
"But we're comforted be bein' towld
the Prisidint will not be betrayed
| into hasty ackshun.
| "Sundah. he's considerin' tn Ar
menyan question, an Mondah he adj
vises Grandmothers about suckin'
eggs. And another crisis Is past.
$50 it goes ivry day. AS l was say
in, there's a'plenty publicity. but tbs
not the brand iv 1912"