The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1916-06-08
.LOONEY FIZZLE
AS CHAUFFEUR

''Want to join in a little raid?" ask
ed officer Tuck Of officer Looney last
evening.
And Looney said that he did.
"Then climb in behind the steering
wheel and turn the car around, in
structed Tuck,
"Do have to run that pesky thing?'
asked Looney, obviously
vYou do" replied Tuck, adding,
but if you are not familiar sth the
why's and wherefores Of the gar, I'll
run it tonight and you may begin
learning the chauffeur's portion Of
your duties by twisting that crank"
Now, in years gone by Officer Loo
ney was raised and lived on a farm,
away down in Texas. Such being the
case, Officer Looney could have quail
flied as the "shoffer" of almost any
model mule. but as the driver Of car
he is yet an unknown quantity.
Hence It was that he gladly passed
up the chance of steering the go-deyil
on his first night on the force as a
"raidist," and happily grasped the
brake lever He gave this lever a cou-
pie Of hard pulls backward and few
motions forward when Officer Tuck
yelledN
Hey, therel What the double dis
titled and liquified after death do YOU
think you are trying to do? Trying
to start the animile, are YOU saying
Trying to start an Irish rebellion; try
ing to start your uncle to the Chicago
convention! That's the brake, blank
it all You can't start a car with a
brakel You stop one with that thing,
no matter what Jim Dillon may have
told you to the contrary. Grab hold
of her front works and turn her oyer.'
Looney grabbed the front end of the
car and lifted and strained and-may-
be- swore. Then he stopped and wip-
ed his sweating brow with his large,
red bandana handkerchief and said:
IF you insist on me turning this
double dashed thingamabob over,
guess / can do it, but I'll have to have
a jack screw. It's too heavy for me to
lift up and turn over with my unas-
sisted hands"
And then Tuck looked at Looney and
said uncomplimentary things things
which he never learned when he was
a good little boy attending Sunday
school away back yonder in Alabama.
"Great stampeding ghost Of the i'm
mortal George Washington shouted
Tuck "Here! BY the toes OF the wor-
shipful master of all chauffeursl
Come here and let me show you. Do
you see that thing, that crank pro-
truding from the front works Of the
interior apparatus Of this trouble wag-
on? Oh, you do, do you? Well, grab
a hold Of it and twist it -turnit over
give it a razzle dazzle, just like it was
the tail of flap-eared, Jack-rabbit
mulel"
Looney complied. He rolled back
his sleeves, spat on his hands-figura-
lively, of course. "IIo, boy! Stand
over there, blame you!g he shouted as
he grabbed the crank with both hands
and gave heave, no, heaye. And
then possessed, possibly, the engine
of the critter "back-fired." And a
double handful of crank arose and
ssnote the doughty officer in the face;
handing him a knockout right on the
forward tip Of his well-deyeIoped nose.
"Now, you look here" said Iooney,
as he wiped a quart of "nose-bleed'
from his face; now you look here
If you want that internal mule crank
ed you crank it yourself; if you want
that blamed tin donkey turned over,
you turn her over yourself; if you
want to raid anyone and go forth on
the raid in that dingus, you 60 by your
self-Im going to walk. And now
you look here again. If you so much
as breathe a word Of this to any slab
sided, bow-legged, lantern-jawed,
knock-kneed, spawned news reporter
well, you and yours truly won't be
friends any more. Hear me?'
"Well, III be-" remarked Officer
Tuck to a chance bystander.