The gazette-times. [volume] (Heppner, Or.) 1912-1925, 1916-01-20
THE BEST FROM JUDGE
The Few Exceptions.

use III your SOlUS u Tue hdJeStIC, MI.
Sellers, for it prob'ly won't be open
tonight" said the landlord of the Pc
aunia tavern, in reply to the request
of the drummer for information re
garding the whereabouts of the tenn
pie of the movies. You see, this is
prayer meeting night, and it is most
always closed on prayer meeting
nights, same as It's the nights when
the Rebeccy Lodge meets. and when
ever the Ladies Aid gives an oyster
festival, or the Lyceum Course is 60
ing on, and the nights once in while
when the young people meet to trip
the light fanatic toe, and the rare
occasions when Sock and Dustin CO.
terie present drama. And, of
course, too, it is closed when Con-
gresham or any big bug hathaway
makes a speech here"
"Well, in the name of wonder!
When is it open?"
"On every other night but them |
have mentioned, except, of course.
Sundays, and when it storms
His Chances.
Patient (mournfully I'm afraid,
doctor. from what you've said there's
very little hope for me.
The specialist-Nonsense! If you
survive the experiments I'm going to
make on you, you may live for
months.
SIS
Net to be Missed.
Wife-We must surely go to Egypt
this year.
Husband-Why Egypt?
Wife-On account of those Pyra-
mids. l see by this magazine that
they are slowly wasting away. 1t
would hardly do to miss EN-.
Knew Where He Was At.
When the late Robert Aull was
park commissioner, there was a negro
boy called Possum, who helped
around the boathouse in Forest Park
Lake. Possum was a mighty hunter
and fisherman. and those qualities ap-
pealed to Col. Aull. Sometimes Col
Aull and Possum took lanterns at
night and caught mess of frogs in
Forest Lake.
Possum had falsetto voice and a
vast ignorance OF how to use the tele-
phone. He had located several fat
fine frogs that he thought Col. Aull
might like to gig, and he called him
up at the City Hall.
The commissioners stenographel
answered the telephone, and, after
hearing Possum's shrill tenor de-
manding an interview with "Mistah
Aull," she said There's a lady or
the phone who wants to speak to
you personally
Col. Aull went to the phone, and
said: "Woll. this is Mr., Aull; what is
it madame?"
The reply came: "Thith it'll Poth-
UNI. | want to talk to Mithta Aull
This is Mr.. Aull. Who are you?"
"Thith it'll Pothum. Don't you
know Pothum? Pothum. the niggey
out at Foreth Park, want YOU T.
come and meet NE, and we'll get
thome frawgth, "
"Oh. all right, Possum. Where
are you?"
"Thuth?"
"Where are you?'
Il don't know what you thaid
Thith ith Pothum. | want you to
come right out and meet me.
"All right, I'll come, but where are
you?'
II don't know what you thaid."
Then the park commissioner, rails
ing his voice, resorted to the Ian
guage OF the plain people: "Where
are you at?'
"Oh," responded Possum, with a
sigh of relief. 'Heah | ith, st
Louis Globe-Democrat.
A Revelation.
Bluff-Y0u ought to have been at
church today, the sermon was a Won
der.
Ruff-So I heard, Who was tell
ing your ?-Stanford Chaparral.
Censoring Tennyson.
Cannon to the left Of them, can
non to the right of them, cannon be
hind them, volleyed and thUndered."
So quoted the enthusiastic war cor
respondent. But the censor cut out
this passage.
Cant be giving away the posi-
tions of our artillery" commented he
sagely.
Excusable Neglect.
Attorney for plaintiff-Yo have
testified that your conduct toward
your wife was always affectionate
and punctilious. Now, isn't it a fact
that you left the house one morning
kissing her goodbye?
Perkins (who is defending a sep
aration suit on the ground Of cruel
and inhuman treatment) Yes, sir.
Attorney (triumphantly) )--Ah, /
thought SO. Now will you tell lis why