The Alaska citizen., 1916-01-31
Just for a Smile

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 Airs" exclaimed the proud mother My Elsie. for all her learn ing, hasn't any more airs than her poor old dad"
 Then she won't turn up her nose at her old friends" queried the visitor.
 La, no."
 How refreshing, Most girls who go through college nowadays will hardly look at you after they're graduated"
 Well, they ain't like my Elsie that all I can say" retorted Elsie's mother She's become a carnivo- orous reader, of course, and she frequently importunes music. But stuck up-my Elsie? Not a bit, She's unanimous to everybody, has a most infantile vocabulary, and, what's more, never keeps caller waiting while she dresses up. No, SEP Just runs uCNH' nun ut Plu''N' as she is"
 The ticklish position of Bulgaria in the war recalls to Goodwin'6 Weekly the story of the visit paid by David Christie Murray. the nov elist, to Gladstone. When he left, Gladstone. with old fashioned court esy. followed him out into the hall and helped him on with his over coat Now Murray was great traveller, and his overcoat was perculiar one--a garment of brown camel hair with a bear skin lining. Where on earth" said Gladstone, did you get this extraordinary coat?"
 T bought it in Bulgaria sir Mur ray replied.
 "Humph." said Gladstone. I've talked a great deal in my time about Bulgarian atrocities, but I never expected to see one of them in Lon don.
 Former President Taft tells this one on himself
 There is a lad of my acquaint- ance in New Haven" said Mir. Taft, who used to bite his nails. See here said his nurse to him one day. if you keep biting your nails like that, do you know what will hap pen to you"
 "'No,' said the youngster. What"
 "'Noull swell up like a balloon and burst
 "The boy believed his nurse, He stopped biting his nails at once. About month after the discontinu- ance of his habit he encountered me at luncheon. He surveyed me with stern disapproval. Then he walked over and said to me accus- ingly:
 You bite your nails,'"
 Are you of the opinion, James, asked a slim-looking man of his companion, that Dr. Smiths medi- cine does any good?"
 Not unless you follow the direc- tions."
 What are the directionS?"
 Keep the bottle tightly corked."
 At Christmas the children of a certain provincial school tried to collect money by singing carols and snatches. Many complaints had reached the TectOr's ears of bands of youngsters scampering through the first verse of "While Shepherds Watched" and then violently ringing the doorbel. So he instituted in quiries on the next occasion he visited the school
 "Why is it." he asked, that, in stead of singing the hymn in a rev erent way, you scamper through one verse and then ring the bell?" Silence reigned for a short time. ueU d SllI III NOlCt HUH SIldll boy at the back of the room was heard in explanation: Please, sir, it's cause they always let the dog loose at the second verse"
 "A most peculiar effect was pro duced by an announcement in the advertisements of a county fair to be held in my state" says Champ Clark Among other things the announcement said that attractive features of this great fair will be highly amusing donkey races and pig races. Then, to the amaze ment of the judicious, this note was added: Competition in these two contests will be open to citizens of the county only"
 The chairman of the committee was addressing a meeting at teachers institute:
 My friends the schoolwork is the bulhouse of civilization, l mean