The Snowflake herald., 1916-09-22
FINNEGAN'S PHILOSOPHY
BALAAM.

well do | mind the story, said
Finnegan. "Balaam was hghhrow
that knOwed less than his Jackass. de
took an office to curse the people.
The Jackass saved them. 'Tis all in
Number Twinty-two. Och, hone! "TiS
different these times. The Jackass
knew better till Balaam tanned him.
"'Lave me ride ye,' says Balaam. AN
III make ye the biggest ASS in the
wurld.'
"'Great.' says the ASS; what dye
feedY
"Pork,' says BaIaam.
"'Me savior says the Ass.
$50 Balaam mounts. But soon the
Jack balks.
"'Phwat is it,? says Balaam.
"'Snakes,' says the ASS; ut looks
like the jawbone Nv me mother
"'G'wan, says Balaam. hittin' the
ASS a clip. tits me furren' policy
he says.
"'Phwat's ut forY axes the Ass.
cut defnds the nashun,' says Ba-
Iaam.
'HowY says the Ass.
"'Faith; says BaIaam, ut takes a
bigger Ass than you to know that.
Lave it to Brine says Balaam to the
ASS; an the Jack walks on medita-
tin.
"'Hee, haw.' says the ASS. balkin'
an kickin'.
What nOwY says Balaam.
"'Divil Jackass ever seen the like,
says the ASS. ut could be a frog.
says he, for ut stands up in front,
and sits down behind; an It's mostly
mouth. says the Ass. ut has white
feathers says the Jack, wild yaller
streaks, that changes he says, TO
Very Crooz Red, or Niagary Blue, an
now they're Carrysall Yaller again.
says he. 'Hivins, have | been drink
inY screams the Ass to BaIaam.
"'Saints be praised says Balaam.
Me WatchfuI Watin' can still change
its mind he says, 'G'wan. where
glory waits he says. 'G'wan, in the
service Nv Mankind says Balaam to
the ASS, touching him up. An the
Ass Shuf1les ahead, wavin' his ears in
admiration.
"'Hee-haw! Hee-hawr says the
Jack. rearin' up wild his eyes hulgin'
"Thwat's grippin' ye now?' says
Balaam. impaShunt like.
"T dunno, says the Ass. ut looks
like the Flyin Dutchman with a So
cialiSt Crew he says.
"''Tis me Ship Bill says Balaam.
Side step to the right he says
side step to the left, says he, well
tin him. Back up says Balaam,
near wrenchin' off the Jacks jaw.
Now forward for the Merchant Ma
rine an fifty millyun pork says Ba-
laam wild a shower Nv blows; an the
ASS goes on thremblin'.
'Wah-hee! Wah-heel Wah-hee 7
says the Jack, shyin' so he near
threw his rider.
"T'll learn We to shy at me Naval
Bill says Balaam, lar-rupin' the
baste so he cud scarce stand.
eye can't pass ut widout wearin'
Republican clothes.' says the Jack in
q coarse whisper.
"'Ye ASS says Balaam. Don't We
know that amy clOes is betther nor
nakedness? G'wan.' says Balaam, in
tones Nv thunder. So the poor baste
lOpes on limpin' wild pain.
''Ive not time to tell ye all the ad-
ventures they had. but they KEEP on
over rough roads, now an then eros
sin ditch on wan term plank.
which made even Balaam unaisy.
Iviry time the Jack kicked, he got
short ratiOns an wallOp. SO when
the journey was near over, the poor
baste was all in, and far too proud to
fight. Any Jack-Ass can be that
when he's licked.
"Wan stormy night, the Jack blooms
into a harmony like a Dimycrat Tariff
Hymn played on a gaspipe wild the
feet.
Phwat ails We now? calls Balaam,
clubbin' him wild both hands.
'Nivver did | pass the like yells
the Ass, sweating and thremblin'. ut
says ut's an eight hour law Oh, phwat
is utY screams the ASS to Balaam.
feebly waggin' his ears.
81 dinnO phWat ut is meself, says
Balaam. but l know phwat ut's got,
Balaam says.
'Phwat? axes the poor Ass.
"'Five hundther thousand votes,
says Balaam, wild a pious air. 'G'wan
We big Ass, an d0ant We argue wild
an Idaylist,' says Balaam to the Ass.
"'We can't pass ut in the dark,
pleads the Ass. Lave us wait for
light means the Ass, weepin'
mix says Balaam. There's a hot
time comm an the votes'll spile
Do We thurst for sixteen more years
in the wilderness? Giddap,' says he,
'purgin' yer heart says Balaam, 'iv
iviry thought that's selfish says Ba-
laam, 'Or PERSONAL chants Balaam to
the poor ASS ticklin the Jacks Stats
wild cOuplin' pin.
'By this time the ASS was so wore
out wild his ardyOus labors, that he
knew no more thon Roloop b;rncoIf