davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1916-03-16

John" said the thoughtful woman,
get your overshoes. It's wet and
snowy"
Il haven't any overshoes."
Take an umbrella, anyhow"
81 haven't an umbrella"
"At least you'll wear an overcoat."
LEFT it downtown
We'll, go ahead and see what hap
pens" she concluded in a tone
of patient resignation. 81 have al.
ways been kind of anxious to see how
those unpreparedness ideas Of yours
would work out"
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1916-03-16
important To Mothers


Some years ago in a certain county
court, which was not one of the best
ftted-up places, three a~uctioneers
were seated in a pewlike continuance
awaiting the judges order to give evil
dence.
All at once there was a terrible
noise in court, and a dense cloud of
dust few up.
whats that?" asked the judge.
"Oh, it's nothing, your honor" re-
piled a ready and facetious lawyer;
its only three auctioneers gone off
in one lot"
The seat had given way.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1916-03-16
They Didn't Ask.

Something is always happening to
give a fresh start to the tipping ques-
ton. A visitor at a country club
asked the waiter who had served him
if he were permitted to take a tip.
at is not allowed here, sir" was the
answer.
Where, then" asked the visitor,
did you get all that silver change l
just saw you counting?"
"Oh, that" the honest fellow re-
piled, twas given to m by gentlemen
who didn't ask if | could take tips"
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1916-03-16
His ChivaIrv.

1--WE got fourteen of the peartest
children you ever laid your eyes on!"
boosted Mr.. Gap Johnson of Rumpus
Ridge.
why, shucks, Capt" demonstrated
a friend. II heerd your wife tell my
old woman luther day that there was
fifteen of EN-"
Jaw, well, mebby so. Tennyrate.
what my wife says goes. l wouldn't
make her out a liar, just for a child
or two."-Kansas City Star.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1916-03-16

ut is said" remarked the boarder
who reads the scientific notes in pat
ent medicine almanacs, that the
ty garments worn by the savages &C
count for their unusual longevity"
Il don't doubt it." reioined the old
bachelor at the pedal extremity of the
mahogany. Just look at the great
age attained by our ballet girls"
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1916-03-16

dragging sensation across my loins,
difficulty in collecting my thoughts
and was troubled with short
ness of breath. Dodds Kidney Pills
have cured me of these complaints.
You are at liberty to publish this let
ter for the benefit of any sufferer who
doubts the merit of Dodds Kidney
Pills."
Dodds Kidney Pills, SOC. per box at
your dealer or Dodds Medicine Co.,
Buffalo, N. Y. Dodds Dyspepsia Tab
lets for Indigestion have been proved.
SOC. per box.-Adv.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1916-03-16
Girl Acts as Governor.

F1lFi ACtS as GoVeTnoF.
Through unexpected circumstances
Miss Jeanette McConachie Of Troy,
Lincoln county, was in charge of the
governors office for two days last
week.
The governor was in Iowa, and the
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS. Mr.. Painter, did
not reach the capital. Meantime, the
governors private secretary, N. E.
Williams, was suddenly attacked with
inflammatory rheumatism. He has
not been able to leave his room since.
This left Miss McConachie In charge,
and for the first time a young woman
held down the most responsible posi-
ton in Missouri.
Assistant Attorney General Thomas
Higgs came to the rescue Of Miss Nc
Conachie when some requisition pa
pers had to looked after by sending
them to the home of the governors
private secretary for signature, and
the wheels Of the state administration
nevr moved more smoothly.
Miss McConachie was a stenogra-
pher under Governor Major when he
was attorney general, and she is thor
oughly familiar with the business of
the executive office.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1916-03-16
What He'd Like,

Church-An unusual dinner was
recently given in Toledo. Each guest
cooked his own food by electricity.
Gotham-I'd rather enjoy that, for
they'd be so tired after their exer-
tons no n could make an after-din-
ner speech.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1916-03-16
McculIoch Writ Granted.

Acting Chief Justice Graves has
granted a writ to ompel Circuit Judge
Taylor Of st. Louis to annul a sub
pena duces tecum compelling Richard
McCulloch, president Of the United
Railways, to produce in court letters
of complaint against a former conduc,
tor, John R. Hillhouse.
1t is returnable the third day of
the April term docket. Hillhouse is
suing Mr.. and Mrs. Frank e. Goodwin
Of Webster Groves for $4,000.
He charges that Mrs. Goodwin com
planned that he pocketed her fare
without ringing it up" and so caused
him to lose his job.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1916-03-16
Dye Problem Solved.

American dye works are now turning
out coal-tar eolors at the rate of $4,000
tons annually, and a report on the
present hyestuff situation issued by
the bureau of foreign and domestic
commerce calls attention to the impor-
lance of the fact that these colors are
being manufactured wholly from
American raw material.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1916-03-16
Fair Warnlno.

MY DEAR" said Mr. Meeker RI
breakfast the other morning. whrs
would you do if l were one Of thGie
husbands who get up cross in the
morning and slam things around and
kick up a row just because the coffee
happened to be cold?"
John" replied his better half. 4
wouldn't do a thing but make ii hot
for you"
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1916-03-16
Urges River Development.

In an address before the CONNER
cial Club of this city Attorney General
John T. Barker scored the newspa-
pers that have received railroad stock
in exchange for editorial space advo-
eating higher railroad rates. He told
the club that Jefferson City could not
develop its manufacturing possibili-
ties as long as Detroit could ship its
goods to Denver at one-third less than
to this city, and coal rates from st.
Louis are $1.50 a ton, while the same
coal from Pittsburg to st. Louis costs
but SO cents per ton.
rs advised the club to put forth its
best efforts to encourage river traffic
as the only means at present of com
batting the exorbitant rates now in
effect on railroads.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1916-03-16
New Randit STYLE.

Bill-A mail and express auto, ira
versing the wilds of Colorado, has a
bandit-proof cage in the rear for valu-
ables.
Jill-No good. One of those bandit
parties with their Zeppelin will come
along and lift auto, cage, valuables
and everything.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1916-03-16

A little five-year-old McCo .dsville
miss has a stepfather Of VIII N she
ID very fond. One day the stepfather
suffered from a violent headache. and
his vile went to the kitchen to pre-
pare some domestic remedy. Lillian
waited quietly for some time for her
mother to return and relieve the suf-
ferer. Losing patience, she went to
the kitchen door and theoretically
called out: Mamma. If YOU don't
hurry up you're going to have another
husband to bury.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1916-03-16
Looked That Way.

"You know every boy in this coun-
try has a chance to be the president
of the United States" said the school
master.
ooh, l know what you're driving at"
said the bright boy; you want me
to be for preparedness"
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1916-03-16
Lean Year Episode,

Tom-Miss DeFlyrt proposed to me
last night and I am to give her an
answer tomorrow. Would you ac-
cept?
Jack-Certalnly not-er-that is, |
didn't when she proposed to me last
week-but, of course, you can do as
YOU like.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1916-03-16
Plea to EauaIize Taxes.

A movement which is expected to
become statewide in scope is taking
shape in st. Louis and elsewhere. A
resolution from the board of aldermen
addressed to the state board of equal
ization seeks a general revision of
the comparative property assessments
of the cities and counties of the
state. A letter from Pleasant Hill,
in Cass County, Mo-. from John A.
Jones said that that city would join
st. Louis in the proposed protest. The
letter explained that while farm land
in that county raj assessed at only
$14 an acre, or about oneseventh Of
its value, the city of Pleasant Hill is
paying abut $4,000 a year more in
taxes than it should pay on its prop
erty values.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1916-03-16

refreshing. / felt
heavy and sleepy
after meals. was
always v
and tired, had a
bitter taste in my
mouth, was dizzy,
h a d fl a 6
specks before my
eyes, was always
fbircfu ho1 a
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1916-03-16

Stretch the rug and tack It upon a
clean floor. After securing It well
with s~oapguds, rinse thoroughly to re.
move all trace Of the animal matter in
the soap. Let the rug stay tackled
down until perfectly dry, SO that It
will not shrink
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1916-03-16
A Persistent Loser.

isn't 1t against the law to play
poker?"
Il don't know" replied young Mrs.
Torkins. but the way Charley plays
it ought to be against the law"
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1916-03-16
InsinGation.

He-I always make it a rule to new
er speak unless l know what I'm talk
ing about.
She-Aren't you afraid of losing
your voice from want of practice?
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1916-03-16
State Values Growing.

state values Growing.
The total valuation of the personal
property and real estate of Missouri
for the present years taxes is $1,73S,-
070,331. This is the summing up of
the returns made by the various as
SCISSORS to the state board Of equaliza.
ton, the last of which has just been
received.
The returns of the assessors for
1915 totaled $1,697 ,602,179 The state
board reduced this to $1,658, 587,414.
The actual increase returned by the
assessors this year over their returns
last year is s~40,468.152. More than
half of this increase falls upon the
city of st. Louis and Jackson county,
their total increase being ST. 79, 500.
For the most part there is very
little change in the counties, and es-
pecia1ly so of those without cities of
considerable importance. Jasper. coun-
ty has an increase Of $115, 200; st.
Louis county of $914,044, and Greene
county of $685., 1000, and the latter COM
munity has put in a bid to have it's
assessment reduced.
The board will take up the returns
this week, and it is more likely to
reduce the grand total than to raise
it, SO far as the rural districts go.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1916-03-16
CROP CONDITIONS
SHOWN BY REPORT
GOVERNMENT ESTIMATES HOLD.
INGs NOW ON MISSOURI
FARMS.
STATISTICS OF ONE YEAR AGO
Wheat Has Decreased in Quantity and
Value; More Oats and Corn in
Barns But Value is Now
Slightly Lower.
Jefferson City,


A summary of the March crop re-
port for the state of Missouri as COM
piled by the bureau of crop estimates
is as follows:
Wheat-Estimated stocks on farms
March / this year, 100000 bushels,
a compared with $685. 900 a year ago.
Price on March 1 $1.07 per bushel, as
compared with S1.S7 a year ago.
Corn-Estimated stocks on farms
March 1 this year 77,500,000 bushels,
as compared with 38,016,000 one year
ago. Price on March l zoe per BUSH
ell, as compared with 76c a year ago.
Oats - Estimated stocks on farms
on March / this year, 100000 bush
els, as compared with 6,708,000 a year
ago. Price on March / this year Ate
per bushel, as compared with SIC a
year ago.
Barley-Estimated stocks on farms
this year $1,000 bushels, as compared
with $4,000 a year ago. Price on
March / this year 40c per bushel, as
compared with 42c a year ago.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1916-03-16
Barker Files for Governor.

Attorney General John T. Barker
has filed official notice Of his can
didacy for governor with the secre-
tary of state, together with a receipt
showing that he has paid the fee. He
is the second Democrat to file.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1916-03-16
Paradox.

There is only one way that people
can live happily-that's together"
Yes, and here is only one way
that people can live at peace--and
that's apart.'-Judge.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1916-03-16

Judge Henry Lamm of Sedalia has
filed his declaration with tho secre-
tary Of state as q Republican candi-
date for governor. He and. Cornelius
Roach, Democrat, are the only two so
ear that have announced.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1916-03-16
A GRATEFUL ACKNOWLEDGEMENT.

Mr.. F. C. Case of Welcome Lake,
Pa, writes: Il suffered with Back.
ache and Kidney Trouble. My head
ached, my sleep was broken and I'M
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1916-03-16
Wilson VIII Run.

Not the least prominent and nor yet
the most aggressive, Francis M. Will
0 of Kansas City, U. s. attorney for
that district has declared his inten-
tion of becoming a candidate for the
gubernatorial nomination. He is a
well-known Democrat, and has a wide
circle Of friends. He Is the ninth
man who has his oyes fixed on this
place among the Democrats, with al
most an equal number Of Republicans
out for the office.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1916-03-16
Their Effect.

THE Germans in Belgium are pur-
suing the same industry once so pop
ular in this country"
TN what way?"
"They are raising Belgian hairs"
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1916-03-16
GOOD In cheerfuIness.

Cheerfulness, the character OF com
mon hope. is, in strong hope, like
glimpses Of sunshine on a cloudy day.
SELECTED.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1916-03-16
Three.Year Celebration.

A three-year-cetennial celebration
to be observed in every county Of the
state is planned by a committee Of
the Missouri Historical Society. The
celebration will probably be held
from 1918 to 1921.
a resolution was passed providing
for the appointment OF a committee Of
1000. consisting Of five from each
county and the remainder to come
from various vocations and indus
tries Of the state. This committee
will meet in Kansas City next fall to
make definite plans
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1916-03-16
Militia offered to U. s.

Adjt. Gen. O'Meara has telegraphed
the war department rendering the ser
vices Of the national guard of Mis-
souri, in the campaign in Mexico for
the capture of Villa and his band Of
raiders.
There are approximately 1890 men
in the national guard, these being in
five regiments.
Regular army officers have recently
completed an inspection of the Mis-
souri, national guard, and their report
is said to have been favorable.
Gen. Harvey w. Clark of Nevada
is commander of the national guard
and Gov. Major commander in chief.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1916-03-16
Conyicts Idle.

FConvicts Idle.
The idleness Of the convicts at the
state prison is becoming more and
more of a problem. Some statesman
lis expected to develop a scheme where
azhey may be worked on the highways.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1916-03-16
Missouri lHiteracy.

The United States Census Bureau
reports that Missouri has the highest
percentage Of native whites Of native
parentage Of any state north of its
southern boundary, who can neither
read nor write. What about our fine
public school system.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1916-03-16
Quick Action.

quick Action.
The ~congested condition Of the PEN
itentiary received q little boost one
day last week. The two bandits who
robbed the Stark City hank on We'd
nesday we're captured brought into
court and on Thursday were oh their
way to serve 10 years
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1916-03-16
Missouri Fruit.

According to the most reliable fig.
ures available Missouri has 100000
more fruit trees than its closest COM
petitor, but it ranks fortieth in the
production of fruit.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1916-03-16
Graves Head Of Malor's Boom.

An orgaization has been effected In
the capital to help along the boom
for Governor Major as a running mate
for President Wilson. Judge W. w.
Graves is chairman.
Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1916-02-22
Frsokness from a Democrat.

Senator Newlands. of Nevada, is one
Democrat who evidently does not
think It right 20 try 10 fool the peo-
pie. He is perfectly frank IN stating
the fac. ,ha, the industrial depression
was coincident with Democratic legs
lation. He made this declaration al
The same time tina: other Democratic
leaders we're endeavoring to magnify
our war order prosperity and TO create
the impression that il is permanent.
PROSPERITY based upon domestic indus
trial conditions. Senator Newlands
neither deceives himself nor tries 70
deceive others He stated the facts
ana while many Democratic voters Of
his State Will probably vote against
him because he is member OF the
party which brought on the industrial
depression. ye, they will have respect
for him because OF his honesty anE
sincerity in acknowledging the real
cause instead Of trying 10 deceive,
Although Senator New!ancs will very
likely De retired 70 private life, he viii
so back 10 the people q his state NTH
record for frankness, which some @,
his colleagues will some day envy. Al
the same time. Democrats of other
states who have 40 personal OF poli-i-
cal in,eres, in Senator Nevlards viii
appreciate the frank acknowledgment,
On his part. which. though il may be
an unpleasant awakening arouses
them TO the real conditions which ex-
ST, Presentation OF actual facts and
per,inen, information IS what the
voter must aave i he Is q cast MS
halo. ei!.gentiy.
Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1916-02-22

KENT'S HILL

Insetad Of the regular meetings Oh
the literary socities Friday night the
evening was given up to the Seniors
who held their reception IN Deerins
chapel. This affair has been an annual
school event ever since the year ~
After a selection by the school or
chestra the class gave for their play
The Eiopement Of Ellen" by Marie
Josephen Warren, with the following
cast Of characters:
Richard Ford. a devoted young nus
band, Roland A. McGown, Newport
Molly. his wife. Dairs A. Fish, MY.
Vernon: Robert Shepard. Molly's
brother. G. Henry White, kennebunk;
Max Ten Eych. chum OF Rooef. :
Clifford NJ. Ferguson. Berwick; Doro-
thy Narck, engaged to Max, a guest OF
Mrs. Fcrd's, Ellen o. Palmer. Kent
Hill: June Haverhill. WELLESLEY. 90:
Madeleine Trott, East Pittson; John
Hume, rector Of st. Agnes. Ralph
Lane. Kent's Hill.
Between the acts Harry Mareoux OF
Waterville gave baritone selections
which were much enjoyed
Then came the reception. A receive
ing line was formed consisting OF
Principal and Mrs. J. Q. Newton. the
class officers. Charles Bogart, MISS
GLADYS Briggs, Leon Berry. and MISS
Irene Getchell. The others in the line
were ]. Roy Packard, teacher OF Eng
l;sh: Miss Daisy \. Stevens. teacher
of Oratory. and precepiress: Mr. ana
Mrs. 3. V. Smith. steward and matron.
The guests were presented by the Ioi-
lowing ushers from the Junior CLASS
Joseph Burke. Dana Shackford. ROD
err Newton, Inez Turner and Mildred
Frost.
Ice cream and cake were served
after which those present were m
viteo 70 the gymnasium where the re-
rnainder OF the evening was passed IN
marching and social intercourse
Those on the decorating committee
we're Doris Fish. Everett Creation. ana
Mable Gagnon. The Gym was very
effective in lis simple but artistic DEC
orations. In the center of the room
was a large enclosure Tor the orcnes-
ira made by rustic fence wound IN
green ana gold. the class coiors. the
windows ana doors We're al oi At'So "
these co!ors. and on the walls were
hung plaques with, the words. Class
of 1916" "kents Hhl seminary. and
M. w s.
In the chapel the decorations were
confined 10 the stage. 4 real out-of l.
doors scene vas arranged with ever
green trees. rustic seats and lighted
with japanese lanterns.
On me whole the evening was ?
mos, delightful one and reflects ,nucn
credit upon the class president, MT
Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1916-02-22
The Cart Before the Horse.

News dispatches from New York
say that President Wilson has become
unpopular With the country because
he has failed 10 dominate Congress.
This is putting the cart before, 1ha
horse-confusiag cause and effect. The
fact Of the matter is that the Presi-
dent has failed 10 dominate Congress
because he and his policies have be
come unpopular with the coun,r.-
Members Of Congress have recently
returned 10 Washington from their
several districts. They spent 'he
summer travelling among their con-
stituents and many were home dur
ing the Christmas holidays. They
are thoroughly familiar NTH the needs
and desires and Judgment of the vot-
ers Naturally il is their desire. if
possible. 10 carry out the Wishes of
their constituents. 10 fairly represent
them and secure popular approval. II
they are not today acting upon the in
structions or advice the White House
gives them. il is because they are con-
WINGED thu President is running coun-
ter to public opinion ard is asking for
something against the best interests o.
the American people.
No President who has the people
with him will fail TO dominate Con-
sress. His domination depends upon
: members Of Congress being convinced
tina: what he asks Of them is in ac-
cordance with the Judgment Of the
people and for the promotion Of their
best interests.
The Wilson administration lost
popularity with the people because o!
its extravaganza. its unsound economic
theories. its overthrow Of the merit
system in government service. its alb
solute disregard Of efficiency IN the
POSTAL service, its secrecy regarding
public affairs. its violation Of every
campaign pledge. even to the last and
perhaps leas, important, the single
term pledge. The singieternl pledge
is one that the people have the power
TO enforce. so It matters little whether
President Wilson voluntarily keeps i.
or not He may have the power &c
break every other pledge in the plat
form hut thar one he has no cOWlr &c
freak II he would.