Fulton County tribune. (Wauseon, Ohio) 1883-1925, 1916-11-03
FINNEGAN'S PHILOSOPHY
BALAAM.

'Well do | mind the story" said
Finnegan. "Balaam was a highbrow
that knowed less than his Jackass: He
took an office to curse the people.
The Jacl<ass saved them. 'Tis all in
Number Twinty-twO. Och, hone! 'Tis
different these times. The JackasS
knew better till Balaam tanned him.
Lave me ride ye,' says Balaam, AN
I'll make We the biggest ASS in the
wurld
"'Great' says the ASS; what dye
feed?
Pork says Balaam.
"'Me savior says the ASS.
$50 Balaam mounts. But soon the
Jack balks.
"Phwat is itT says Balaam.
"'Snakes,' says the ASS ut looks
like the jawbone Nv me mother
"'G'wan,' says Balaam, hittin' the
Ass y clip. ''tis me furren' policy
he says.
"Phwat's ut for? axes the Ass.
"'Ut definds the nashun,' says Ba-
laam.
"'How?' says the Ass.
"'Faith; says Balaam, ut takes a
bigger Ass than you to know that.
Lave 1t to Brine says Balaam to the
ASS; an the Jack walks on medita-
tin.
"Hee, haw,' says the Ass, balkin'
an kicllin'.
"What nowY says Balaam.
Divil Jackass ever seen the like
says the ASS ut could be a frog,
says he, for ut stands up in front
and sits down behind; an It's mostly
mouth says the ASS. ut has white
feathers says the Jack, wild yallel
streaks, that changes he says, 'tC
Very Crooz Red, or Niagary Blue, an
now they're Carrysall Yaller again,
says he. 'Hivins, have I been drink
in?' screams the Ass to Balaam.
Saints be praised says Balaam
Me Watchful Waitin' can still change
its mind he says. 'G'wan, wher,
glory waits he says. 'G'wan, in tn,
service Nv Mankind says Balaam t
the ASS, touching him up. An tn
Ass shuflles ahead, wavin' his ears IL
admiration.
"'Hee-haw! Hee-hawr says tn
Jack, rearin' up wild his eyes bulgin
'Phwats grippin' ye now? say
Balaam, impashunt like.
81 Dunno says the ASS. ut look
like the FLYNN Dutchman with a Sc
cialist Crew. he says.
"''Tis me Ship BILL says BALKAN
Side step to the right he says
side step to the left says he, we
tin him. Back up says Balaan
near wrenchin' off the Jacks jaw
Now forward for the Merchant Nj
rine an fifty millyun pork says B;
: laam wild shower Nv blows; an tn
ASS goes on thremblin'.
'Wah-hee Wah-heeI Wah-hee
says the Jack, shyin' so he nes
threw his rider.
+ "T'll learn We to shy at me Nav
Bill says Balaam, lar-rupin' Il
. baste so he cud scarce stand.
, "'Ye can't pass ut widout weari
y Republican clothes,' says the Jack
!. a coarse whisper.
6 "'Ye ASS says Balaam. Don't
s know that amy cloes is betther n
nakedness? G'wan,' says Balaam,
v tones Nv thunder. So the poor bas
= lopes on, limpin' wild pain.
J. ''PVe not time to tell ye all the g
ventures they had, but they KEEP
! oh
5. sin a ditch on a wan term plaI
l. which made even Balaam unai
e Iviry time the Jack kicked, he {
d short ratiOns an wallop. So VIII
e the journey was near over. the pC
If baste was all in, and far too proud
a fight. Any Jack-Ass can be tt
d when he's licked
" EVAN stormy night, the Jack bloc
J. into harmony like Dimycrat Tai
Hymn played on a gaspipe wild I
is feet.
10 "'Phwat ails ye nowY calls Balaa
m clubbin' him wild both hands.
u "'Nivver did I pass the like ye
% the ASS, sweating and thremblin'.
u says ut's an eight hour law. Oh, phv
&c is ut? screams the ASS to Balas
- feebly Vaughn his ears.
= 81 dinno phwat ut is meself,' S;
~ Balaam, but / know phwat ut's G
Balaam says.
n. "'PhwatT axes the poor ASS.
I'd Five hundther thousand vot
Id says Balaam, wild pious air. CIV
re ye big ASS, an doant ye argue
of an Idaylist,' says Balaam to the 4
ed 1--WE can't pass ut in the da
If pleads the Ass. Lave us wait
light means the ASS, weepin'
ck "sNix,' says Balaam. There's
ne time comm am the votes'n 81
Ill Do We thurst for sixteen more ye
or in the wilderness? Giddap,' says
er 'purgin' yer heart says Balaam
ct iviry thought that's selfish says
or laam, 'or PERSONAL chants Balaan
the poor ASS ticklin' the Jacks s
at wild couplin pin.
60 "By this time the ASS was so "
~. out wild his ardyous labors, that
en knew no more than Balaam hims
ST. So, wild one despairin' cry, he drop
lis his ears, as he an his master stuml
oi forward into the dark"