The Washington herald., 1916-12-10

Is 10 appoint commission. AS the rep
resentative of the strikers appoint John
ID. Rockefeller. As the representative
Of the hotel I appoint Eugene v. Debs.
/ have no doubt these two will be able
very quickly to agree on a third man.
Cook-thats all right, but suppose in
the meantime the Supreme Court decides
Produces Alarm Clock.
Dishwasher-Yes, we're going to strike
anyhow. CTakes alarm clock from his
pocketD And We'll give you just two
minutes to grant our demands.
The Gridiron Club is not only an adept
at the humorous, but its members delve
into higher order Of things. Psychology,
for instance, comes within its versatility
and the psychological bureau of the Grid
i1on Club has made the revolutionary dis
covery that when an important matter
/ is under discussion at any place the per-
sons who are concerned in it involun-
tarily project their astral bodies to that
place.
What do you mean. astral body?"
asked the PRESIDENT
I'm tnc case of a statesman, 1t is that
part of him which always speaks the
truth" answered a member
This Is an amazing discovery"
Better than that, the bureau has found
lens by which these astral bodies may
be exposed to view. l would like to
demonstrate this discovery in the pres
ence of our guests
For what purpose?"
ITO investigate in a scientific way the
material available for President Wilson's
next Cabinet. We will bring these astral
bodies here and learn their inmost
thoughts
President-I have always wanted to
In rhak
about himself Go ahead.
A number OF well-known personages
appeared in spirit form and were ques-
toned by the court.
Announcing Justice-A spirit comes! 1t
is the astral body of-William Cox Red
field. Secretary of Commerce.
His Natural Habit.
Chief Judge-His natural habitat But
where are his whiskers?
Observation-Disclosures are unknown in the
spirit world
Chief Judse-Excuse me. I thought may
be you singed 'em in transit
Redfield-I wish you could see Charley
Hughes and Charley Fairbanks after they
emerged from the underbrush.
Chief Judge-What! Are they in the
spirit world?
Redfeld-BetwiXt and between. They
are In that unCanny land whose inhabi-
tants are always waiting for the Of
ficial count
Chief Judge-well, what do you want?
Redfield-My old job.
Chief Judge-Any legitimate reason?
Redfield-I gave 800 to the Democratic
reasons.
Chief Judge-You have given the only
necessary reason. Step aside, Spirit Red
field.
And so on Col. House, Secretary Tu-
multy. Mccormick, Postmaster General
Burleson, each submitting their reasons
for living in the spirit world
Finally a member of the club rises from
his place at a table.
Member-Sir. President, tell 'em to cut
| it out. I'm tired of these high-priced Of
fee boys. I've attended seances before.
and I've seen mediums get spirits out Of
a cabinet But you can't get human
beings out of cabinet, and President
| Wilson knows it. Cut it out!
President-I agree with the gentleman
at the table. Cut it out. The psychologi-
cal bureau of the Gridiron Club is hereby
transferred to where 1t belongs-the Navy
Department.
Music Skit Bright.
The music skit is always one of the
brightest and snappiest features of a
|
ception. From the entrance of the music
committee to its exit, the guests were
enthralled with the lively music and the
merry jests.
Announcer: Mr.. President We wish to
present for the entertainment and edi-
fication of this distinguished company the
Gridiron Follies of 1916; introducing a
large and stupendous aggregation of
world-renowned artists in songs and airy
persifage. This is a musical revue, re-
vealing the facts, foibles and fancies of
the day. 'Tis done in jest: let none take
umbrage. Let not the shafts Of satire
pierce the cuticle.
The scene-I4afayette square, with the
statue of Andrew Jackson in the middle
foreground and the White House in the
background. The time-December 9, 1916.
President-Bring on the Follies.
Announcer: Now everything Is ready
| for the Gridiron Follies. Grand opening
chorus by the entire comDany