davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1916-05-09
The Daily Story
Joke That Miscarried - BY Ethel Holmes.
BY Ethel Holmes.

containing his gift. opened It and held
the brooch before the iady's eyes.
"see what I have brought you, DEAR
Mrs. Fmersons brows lowered, In.
stead Of putting her coral fingers on
the brooch she pushed It away from
her.
"why In the world did You spend
money for that trinket when I have
all can do to make ends meet without
Il? Tomorrow morning you take Il
right back and leave It where you
got it"
Poor Jim looked very much dlsgrun-
fled. He could not confess that he
was her brother-in-law instead Of her
husband and that 1t was pure gain 10
her. He stammered an apology. put
the brooch in his pocket adding that
be was very sorry" and took up the
evening paper Fortunately dinner
was announced, and be hoped 10 get
through it without anything more dis
agreeable than what had already hap.
pened.
Thus the joke that was intended to
be a pleasant one, to be laughed over
after dinner, miscarried. John had a
letter in his pocket that be dared not
open for fear Of compromising his
brother, and Jim stood accused Of
wasteful extravaganza. All through
the dinner Jim's sister-in-law was de-
claiming against his want Of ability
to keep within bounds. 1t was no ex.
cuse whatever that he had intended
the gift for her. A gift that troubled
her to pay for by skimping was no
gift at all. Indeed. 1t was detriment.
About 7:3O by the clock jim Elmer.
son was called to the telephone.
"Is that you, Jim:'
Yes"
There's been fiasco here"
There's been one here too"
1.-THE trouble is q letter received by
the morning mail addressed to you in
a woman's handwriting"
1.-THE trouble here is that I brought
your wife fifty dollar brooch as
gift purporttng to come from you and
have been abused for extravaganza"
TELL her the truth and come over at
once"
In a few minutes Jim and Mrs. John
entered Jim's own house. Mrs. John
was smiling. Mrs. Jim was Ike
thundercloud. Jim asked his brother
for the letter, opened 1t and read aloud:
Trusting to interest you in the cause Of
votes for women, l venture to address
you
Further reading was interrupted By a
burst of laughter by three Of the party,
and Jim. approaching his wife, took
her In his arms.
ut seems to me-" said Mrs. John.
that I am the only gamer by this
stupid joke"
'I1l trouble ycu, Jim" said his wife,
"for a brooch to match the one you've
given Sallie."
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1916-05-09
.EAETTHEuTALK
Brady,n.D.
Spring Is Here.

pimple it takes months to disappear
entirely. Friend Aunt declares it is
sign of mean disposition when things
take so long to heal, and that when
she has anything similar it heals IN
few days. AS it is rather late to alter
my disposition l thought you may be
able to suggest some simple remedy.
Answer-The easiest way out, we
should think, is to change your aunt.
She isn't sound. Exchange her for
a vial of iodine and vial Of flexible
collodion. When you cut or scratch
yourself, swab the place with iodine,
then seal it over with the collodion.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1916-05-09
WITH OTHER EDITORS

are an impossible people and tina,
they must be ruled by an iron hand
They have found allies in James Lar
kin and in the leaders of the Sim
Fem. 1t is not strange that John
Redmond is discouraged discourag-
ed by the knowledge that every mar
row-mlnded Englishman has been fur
nished an argument against the do
ing of justice to Ireland.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1916-05-09

The senate committee investigating
the charges made in the endeaVor to
defeat the confirmation Of Louis
Brandeis nominated for the supreme
bench received a letter today from
President Wilson, in which the presi-
dent invented a new phrase, which
will break into the quotation books
along with some Of Grover Cleveiand's
famous exploits in handling the Eng
lish language. The president says the
charges ARE intrinsically incredible
to anyone who really knows Mr.. Bran
deis."
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1916-05-09

The robins are not always reliable,
the hurdy-gurdy often leads us astray,
oxfords are worn by some aggressive
individuals the year round, garden
tools were featured in the store win
dows weeks before the last freeze
but Spring is here now for sure. We
can tell by the letters about foot
troubles recently pouring in.
Here is sort of composite copy of
them all-with kind of general re-
ply, in the hope that our labors may
be lessened enough to permit a days
fishing, yet not leave any reader in
distress:
| have pains in the tops of my feet
more like burning, worse at night
or in the evening. My feet swell, nv
calves and hips ache. My feet perspire
great deal, and they tire early in the
day | am a clerk, and on my feet
eight hours. Please advise me what to
do.
Nine out Of ten of these letters come
from young women. OF course, thev
all try to dress fashionably. This wear
Women's shoes have been something
horrible, speaking in a strict hygieniC
sense. We frankly admit that women's
feet look more attractive than ever
before-yet we insist the shoes are
atroclous. There, are more foot trou-
bles than usual this spring. This is
why.
The toes are too pointed. The fore
foot is too far outturned from the
straight inside sole line. The heels are
too narrow and too high-beau:iful
yes, but ruinous to a woman's health.
Otherwise the, shoes are admirable,
and the women who wear them, God
bless them, are lovelier every year.
Even the white spats are-oh. well,
woman can never wear too much
color. On her face or her shoes, It
doesn't matter.
Now. here is the answer.
Get a pair OF shoes with rounded
not square or ugly toes. straight or
nearly straight in side sole line-there
should be little or no space between
the tips of the toes when heels and
soles are touching each other. See
that the heel is two inches wide
Venus has heel that wide-and never
more than two inches high, better one
inch high. Wear these shoes ana
you'll have no foot troubles. Go bare
foot every chance you get The feet
will never learn to like leather.
A Really Useful Family Doctor Book.
Please tell me the name OF the best
family doctor book to keep in the
house. don't want any conglomera
ton of sure cure recipes. but re-
liable book to consult for advice upon
minor ailments.
Answer-We expect TO call is per
sonal Health" but the title may be
changed before the book is published.
Our publisher is the slowest in the
business, slow but sure. No doubt the
work will be acclaimed from ocean to
ocean when 1t does appear.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1916-05-09

propaganda sister who shifts the
natural burdens and duties of her sex
on to women Of the "lower type" says
the Peoria Transcript.
Rights and duties are reciprocal.
and the club woman who is not part Of
the life she seeks TO influence will
be showed aside in the struggle for
existence.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1916-05-09

dresses he ever delivered. In con-
Guiding his talk to the students he
voiced warning that the honor and
integrity of the United States could
not be tempered with. He prayed that
the country might not be drawn into
war, but declared that if it should be,
in the great voice of national en-
thusiasm which would be raised all
the world would stand once more
thrilled to hear the voice of the New
World asserting the standards of JUS
tiCe and liberty
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1916-05-09
d Daily History CIass-May g.

I'o6-Thomas Arthur Lally, baron Of
Tollendally Qrelandy, French-Irish
patriot and soldier, executed at
Paris on false testimony; truth
discovered and proceedings re-
versed in 1778
ls4o-General Zachary Taylor defeat
ed the superior force Of Mexicans
In narrow pass at Resaca de Ia
Palma.
l9l5-French attacks made progress
on the four mile front, notable
advance being scored north of
Arras.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1916-05-09

Maids, manicures and men are only
a few of the comforts of life which
have been banished from the tented
city in Chevy Chase, Md. where dur
ing the month OF May 1000 women
from every section of the country will
learn the essentials of wartime Gu-
ties. The site of their self-denial is
called the National Service School.
and preparedness" is the watchword.
The course of instruction at the
camp includes the duties of a Red
Cross nurse, the principles of pre-
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1916-05-09

The Bloomington Paragraph chal-
lenges the New York Aston baby, on
which SGT 900 year is lagished, 10
comparison with the babies offered in
Bloomington in the prize baby con-
test 1t thinks the chances Of the
Bloomington babies of some day
amounting to something are Also the
best
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1916-05-09
Selected by Tavenner

ty clerks left off the designation of his
delegates filed as required by law,
Philip would not have been elected a
delegate.
Philip himself will go to Chicago to
the convention. But he goes knowing
that the voters of Wisconsin have de-
clared for La Toilette as their presi-
dent. He will sit with the minority
He may need to apologize to his rail-
road official friends for prematurely
promising delegates which he cannot
deliver.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1916-05-09
An Unavoidable Accident
Tampico 1ll.) Tornado.

An unfortunate accident occurred at
Owen Graham's farm when Chris
Johnson, one of the hired men, was
kicked on the nose between the eyes
by horse. He is reported to be get
ting along very nicely in spite of the
severity of the wound. The injury
was the result of combination of &C
cidental circumstances over which
neither Mr.. Johnson nor Mr.. Graham
had any control and can in no way be
blamed. MIR. Johnson was at his &C
customed work cleaning the stables
in the semi-darkness of early morn
and without looking up and also think
ing he had the handle end of the fork
told the horse to get over" touching
it with the fork as is customary. I'm
fortunately he touched the animal I'M
knowingly and unintentionally with
the tine end and it irritated in this
unaccustomed manner kicked. The
horse is not vicious and never has
been, it is one of the old Thompson
team known to farmers south of town
as peaceful, plodding pair and this
one a quiet old horse. Mr. Johnson
did not Intentionally jab the animal
with the tine end of the fork and in
the darkness did not know that he had
done so until after the horse had
kicked. 1t was an accident pure and
simple in which everyone's intentions
were right but where bad luck played
its trumps.
AFTER buying all those pages in
the newspapers to disseminate his
peace propaganda, Hen Ford is en-
titled to little free advertising He
has been sued for 100000 by the Navy
league. The charge is libel. One Won
ders how many suits Hen would have
| in the courts if he resented every libel
that has been shot at him since he
sprung his little gasoline gig.
NUMEROUS correspondents have
written and asked what is this col
umn's notion of preparedness. OF
hand, without giving the matter con-
sideration it really should have, we
would say: If the other fellow has one
brick you have two.
WE offer this year an unparalleled
| aggregation of unique attractions,
says Chicago in its summer resort lit
erature. In, the column next to this
announcement carried in the Tribune
is the report of several women reform
ers who made the rounds of the Satur-
| day night cafes. 1t isn't possible that
these good women are being made in
nocent conspirators in a scheme to
| boost the city among the boys in the
provinces?
| COUNTESS GeOrgiana Mark0yicz.
one of the prominent figures in the
Irish revolt originally sentenced TO
death, has escaped with life imprison.
ment Now, if her name had been
O'Brien-yet there are people who in.
sist there is nothing i'm a monicker.
WALTER Shook is candidate for
sheriff in Columbia county, Wisconsin,
| LIES LITTLE FABRICATORS,
! "UnaccustOmed as | am to public
speaking
"You know how our family detests
publicity. III you do insist on saying
something about ii, c0nfine ii to the
smallest space possible"
| SOCIETY woman, in lecture, said
that the responsibility of bringing
| children into the world should be left
10 the poor; that rich women had an
other mission. Showing their shapes
at the beaches and training poodles,
ilor instance J. NJ. Z.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1916-05-09

paredness and reveille at $50 a.
m, with only Is minutes for dress
ing
President and Mrs. Wilson were
prominent figures at the opening exer
cises of the school. The president and
his party were met at the entrance Of
the camp and escorted by the wife of
General Hugh L. Scott to the platform
between lines of khaki clad young
ladies.
The president chose this occasion
to make one of the most stirring ad-
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1916-05-09
WAR.

(By Richard lie Gallienne.)
War | abhor, and yet how sweet
The sound along the marching street
Of drum and fife, and | forget
Wet eyes of widows, and forget
Broken old mothers, and the whole
Dark butChery without a soul.
Without soul. save this bright drink
of heady music, sweet as hell;
And even my peace abiding feet
Go marching with the marching
street
For yonder. yonder goes the fife,
And what care | for human life,
The tears fill my astonished eyes,
And my full heart is like to break;
And yet It's all embannered lies,
A dream those little drummers make.
o, it is wickedness to clothe
You hideous grinning thing that
stalks,
Hidden in music, like a queen,
That in garden of glory walks,
Till good men love the thing they
loathe.
Art, thou hast many infamies,
But not an infamy like this
Oh, snap the fife, and still the drum,
And show the monster as she is,
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1916-05-09

There would be two compensations
to make up for Roosevelt's nomina-
ton. One would be watching some
local republicans backwater and the
other would be seeing him get showed
under
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1916-05-09
Rock Island-Frcm Rive, to
River.

Even the government of Austria,
which took the initial step in the war.
must be convinced by this time that
there are better ways than war for the
settlement of troubles over Serbia
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1916-05-09

The program for the landscape bet
torment for the public enjoyment must
be making some Roadway in the west
when a citizen of Wisconsin leaves
Madison 100000 for that end.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1916-05-09

Potters field, the burying ground fos
paupers and numberless dereljcts who
owe even their last resting place to the
bounty of the state, has just received
another body in Chicago. 1t is that of
Mrs Mary Marshall. grandmother o.
MISS Lillian Lorraine, the $4,000 q
week actress, who rose to fame over
hlght as a member of the "FollIeS'
beauty squad tive years ago
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1916-05-09
cM0RDS ANn
DISCO n DS

ROCK Island jitneybus driver made
the statement in Moline police court
yesterday that he had discovered that
it cost more to violate the traffic laws
in Moline than 1t did in Rock Island.
Local police department might profit
by this bunch.
SOME OF our present day fiction
writer's are able to draw checks for
some pretty fiimsy stuff, but it re-
manned for Jack Lait to get real money
for letters addressed to members of his
own family. We nominate him for
president of the American Humorists
association.
CHICAGO girl is missing from home.
Her folks blame cafe dance halls.
Chances are she is doing an animal
act with a circus.
MAYOR Thompson of Chicago is to
attend a cOnclaye of cowboys at Las
Vegas, n. NJ. As one OF the chief bull
throwers Of Illinois, he ought to make
quite hit
Boy With Business Head.
This occurred in Moline grocery:
Small boy enters.
How much is your Palm Olive
soap?"
Ten cents bar, or three bars for
Is cents. You see, the last bar costs
you only a nickel"
"All right" quickly responded the
boy, I'll take the last bar"
And the grocer gave it to him.
REPORT from Ell Paso says that
General Persling knows where Villa
is. So do we. He Is in Mexico.
AND just to cap the climax to an
other pretty heart romance, l see that
Arthur Bonnet, residing in a nearby
| county, has taken a BRIDE postcards
Ignatz.
THE likeness Of a mule is sewed on
| the uniforms of the Hannibal baseball
players. And they are some kickers.
| lHE WIN dChiHS Couphlit Is a
newly launched Peoria enterprise. 1t
is announced it will refuse to flirt with
the trust.
| SENATOR Sherman has entered the
waterway fight. Impression in these
| parts was that he was a dry.
THE home folks in Germany have
about decided that it is time to give
| the hook to the crown prince in that
performance he is staging before Yer
dun.
THE Navy league has solved the
problem of keeping up enthusiasm
among its members. 1t Is to stage q
speechless banquet
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1916-05-09
FORD AS AN ORATOR.

FORD AS AN ORATOR.
Des Moines, IoWa-Henry Ford
made a speech.
1t was before the students of High
land Park college here.
He got an ovation on appearing and
the student body settled back to hear
what he had to say.
And he said:
i want to say that l am very glad
to see you"
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1916-05-09
Aunt in Wrong.

Whenever l set cut scratch or
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1916-05-09

THE Navy league has solved the
problem of keeping up enthusiasm
among its members. 1t is to stage a
speechless banquet.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1916-05-09

THE home folks in Germany have
about decided that it is time to give
the hook to the crown prince in that
performance he is staging before Yer
dun.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1916-05-09

SENATOR Sherman has entered the
waterway fight. Impression in these
parts was that he was a dry.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1916-05-09

MAYOR Thompson Of Chicago is to
attend c0nclave OF cowboys at Las
Vegas, n. NJ. As one Of the chief bull
throwers Of Illinois, he ought to make
quite hit
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1916-05-09

THE Wink Packing company is a
newly launched Peoria enterprise. 1t
is announced it will refuse to flirt with
the trust.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1916-05-09

CHICAGO girl is missing from home
Her folks blame cafe dance halls.
Chances are she is doing an animal
act with a circus
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1916-05-09

SOCIETY woman, in lecture, said
that the responsibility of bringing
children into the world should be left
TO the poor; that rich women had an
other mission. Showing their shapes
at the beaches and training poodes,
Tor instance J. NJ. L.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1916-05-09
Boy With q Business Head.
REPORT from Ell Paso says that
General Pershing knows where Villa
is. So do we. He Is in Mexico.

AND just to cap the climax to an
other pretty heart romance, l see that
Arthur Bonnet, residing in a nearby
county, has taken a BRIDE" postcards
Ignatz.
Americus times-recorder. [volume] (Americus, Ga.) 1891-current, 1916-08-01
HELLO GIRLS" WERE
BRAVE IN THE DANCER

LONDON, Aug. 1.-Telephone girls
bravery during Zeppelin raids and the
Irish rebellion which they helped to
quell featured the annual report of
the post office department in conjunc-
ton with which the telephone system
in this country is operated by the gov
eminent.
when the Zeppelin raids have been
anticipated, sometimes when they have
been going on" says the report, "the
women have come out of their homes
to their work-even when bombs were
dropping. They have played an i'm
rortant part in the scheme of air.
raid warnings and have set a very
good example to the whole country.
I'm Dublin, when the bullets we're
flying and the fires were raging, the
women stuck to their work in the ex-
change, and it was due to them that
communication was kept up and that
we were able to obtain the military
forces which suppressed the REBEL
ion"
More than $4,000 women have re.
placed men in positions in the pos
Office department and telephone sys.
tenn, the report further shows. Out o.
sc 900 men of military age in these de-
partments, $4,000 have joined the col
ors and 21,7OO others have attestet
land only await the call to arms.
Americus times-recorder. [volume] (Americus, Ga.) 1891-current, 1916-08-01
HEAR THE LECTURE At
COURT HOUSE TONIGHT

Don't forget the illustrated lecture
by Drs. r. H. vonEzdorf and ]. r.
Statham at the courthouse tonight.
This lecture is for the good of all the
people and the general welfare of our
little city.
These gentlemen will have much Of
interest to tell and explain to our PEG
pie, and all who fail to attend will
miss that which, without doubt, would
be to their good and material better
ment.
DR.. vonEzdorf is fluent and enter
tanning talker, we'll versed in the sub
ject he will explain and discuss,
hence all who hear him will be enter
tanned as well as instructed in the
things they ought to know
Too much care and attention cannot
be paid the health of community, for
this reason it is urgent upon the part
Of the people to never lose an oppor-
tunity whereby they can learn of the
best ways and means of securing and
maintaining healthy conditions and
environments.
The lecture is tonight, at the court
house at 8 o'clock Everybody is in
vited and urged to attend. The gallery
will be reserved for negroes who are
also invited
Americus times-recorder. [volume] (Americus, Ga.) 1891-current, 1916-08-01

are already hunting down some ma
tives who recently killed enc of their
men with poisoned arrows, and al
though the natives are not feared for
their fighting strength, the authorities
are opposed to any unnecessary in
trusion into their territory
An explorer who recently headed
an expedition from the Dahiti River
had an unusual experience. When l
approached the natives" he said, they
stood and gazed at me, and in less
than two minutes many of them faint
ed and collapsed at my feet At an
other place a chief came within few
yards of men and when l went to take
hold of his arm he tainted and fell in
to the bed Of the creek. The whole
crowd then assembled around me and
Frustrated themselves"
Americus times-recorder. [volume] (Americus, Ga.) 1891-current, 1916-08-01
BUCHANAN BUILDING
NOW BEING OCCUPIED

The new Buchanan building on jack
son street has been finished and is
now ready for occupancy; in fact, Mrs.
j. c. Cawood, the lessee, is now mo :
ing in. This is one of the incest build
iags in this part of the city and adds
no little to the appearance of that
part of town.
The building is two stories high,
constructed of wood, but of brick
appearance. 1t contains fourteen
rooms, finished throughout with wall
boards, each room being tinted with
a different color. There are three
hath rooms and a lavatory in each bed
room. In short, the building is mod
ern in every particular, lighted with
electricity and piped for gas.
Mrs. Cawood will conduct a board
ing house, or rather a family hotel
here, and a place more adapted for
the purpose could not be found in the
city. With her reputation as board
ing house keeper, the attractiveness Of
the place and convenience of location,
the popularity of the house and its
success is assured.
The structure is monument to the
enterprise and progressiveness of the
owners and to the handiwork of the
contractor, John w SILVER, who erect
ed it.
Americus times-recorder. [volume] (Americus, Ga.) 1891-current, 1916-08-01
MR.. AND MRS. CLARK
HAD A ROCK PARTY.

Mr.. and Mrs. C. j. Clark entertained
at rock Monday evening at their beau
tiful home on Jackson street in honor
of Mrs. Nethrey, of Alabama, the guest
OF Mrs. Lon Norville. Attractive deco
rations were used throughout the Clark
home, where rock was played at six
tables. Twenty-Five friends were in
vited to meet Mrs. Nethrey. At the
conclusion of the game ice cream and
cake were served.