Honolulu star-bulletin. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu, Hawaii]) 1912-2010, 1916-02-26

Il see by the papers that Senator
from Georgia has a new plan fer rails
ing an army" toe Rookie informed
ri ate Kelley. .: =.
L was reaJin a. it nIesel,. EelleE
said. an It's fine ian, .nda&e G4E|
bein' experienced in armies, witch til
Senator hasn't been since ii DAYS
" hin he was marchin through Georgy.
or some other par,rt ay tn South, VT
dangus Springfield rife that was IL
able t kill ather backwards or for.
wards dipindin' on how much powdei
was in il, an wan days rashuns. con-
,shistin' av a corn meal biscuit Dor
ryed from the las house tn ARMY
passed, I differs wit tn Senator on
some small pints. 1870,
FIR instince, tbs wan av tn ideas
of Misther Smith that tn Numbers av
tn army should rapport t tn neares
pos'masther wanct a year. Av twas
me framin' tn BILL l would change
that proyishun, out ay sympathy f'r
the pos'masthers, that what wild hold
in their Jobs be constant loyalty t tn
local polictshuns an keepin' informed
av tn progress an doin's ay tn
wor'ruld be radin' tn neighbors post
cards, thy're busy enough, "
Recruit EN- at BARRIERS. II
"T' me mind, 'twould be more APP
propriate T. have tn recruitin' ofhce
at tn barber shops, be reason av thin
hayin' a stripe pole in front, an t ra-
ouire tn sojers av tn great volunteer
ARMY t. rapport t. the bartender
which would be somethin' av an en-
couragement t. min t. rapport. i
"Twouid also be encouragin' min t
enlis' av tn barber shop was selected
as tn recruitin' shop. It's necessary
FIR all min, except poets an musicians,
t visit tn barber wanct in while.
an ay a barber wanted { recruit
man, It's sure he could nivir be
stopped. Amy barber that starts
talkin' usually gifts what he wants, an
after a few years experience in max
in customers take a massage, shine,
shampoo, SINCE an have some tonic
on tn head, whin the customer come
in t. spind Is cints fere shave afther
long considerashuns ay whether
twas extravagant, barber naehully
would have a easy job T. git amy wan
e sign paper that cos him nathin.
Within tn customer comes in, tn bar
Der begins Shawn and talkin', as
usual. I see Kid Dugan is ogin' t
fight the Brooklyn Terror neg week,
he saws. beginnin, tn, conyersashun.
SHAMPOO? Yes. An spakin' av tight
in. It's apparent tn United States is
goin, { be invaded be Cuba he says.
ARE We in tn reserve ARMY. NO?
Too bad, he says, wit his Shawn
brush in the customers eyes.
Not Able 10 Reply. ...~..#
'VSonld We like to enlist? Yes he
says, tn customer not bein' able 10
reply be rasin av hav,n' wan end ay .,
towel in his mout' Ulgz1ht afSNn
sign We up "a t1ffI ne rings TT tn
boy an gifts tn enlistment blanks an
sfrns tn poor man up, tn man bein
afraid T. say no f'r fear "a :>arber Will
| cnange ths sui ject an insis' on givin'
him some more hair tonic or shawn
his neck again,
AN afther they ARE enlisted,
twould be all means be bes' Z have
tn sojers report t tn bartender, av
they mu,s report t some wan about
town. Ay course, it might be consid-
cred be some that 'twould be bes' f'r
thin to report t. an OFFICER, or some
body like that, but 'tis evident Mistner
smith thinks it's moi necessary be
so formal. Havin' ARMY av two
hunder fifty thous&n' sojers, he don't
believe in incumberin' thin Wit req
tape, in tn, way ay hayin' thin report
{ headquarters, or OFFICERS, or amy
thin like that. He prefers t make II
simple like. an easy be lettin' thin re-
port t tn posmasther.
Twill be done, av Misther Smith
has his way, somethin' like this, av
me ideas is correct. TIL postmaster
win be sortin' mail whin tn volunteer
soiers begins T. come in, an ave he
| looks I'D an sees wan he'll tell him [
wait awhile. .......:
"'Who ARE ye,' he asks. -. ~.
".Ginrii Jones' says tn citizen, 'av
tn volunteer ARMY. | come t. re-
lport' !.
Yen have t wait awhile, tn pos
masther SAYS. TIL tin-twinty mail is
fist in. and am disthribitin' it now.
an kind av lookin' it over as | go.
Come aroun' later he says, an by
TIL way, how do We figur' tn congresh-
onnaI elections is goin'? IL. ...
""Tis me opinion tn Republicans
will win +.:.... ....-@... L. r.
"'Av' they do, I'll lose me job says
tn pos masther. 'Ye amt votin' tn
Republican ticket, ARE ye?' he asks.
Il was kin ay calculatin' that way,
says tn Ginril, timid like.
In that case says tn postmaster,
\ I'm too busy t. register We, and ay
We fail to register ven be reduced t
tn ranks. Come in az in he says.
This here country right now, be
tn plans av Congressman an others,
| would have a ARMY ay two hunder
million min, av all plans was in effec'.
livery man aroun' Washington that
hasn't nathin' much t do has got a
new scheme FIR raisin' army TIL
street car conductors has thin in their
pockets an tn saloon keepers makes
thin on tn back av tn bad checks
/ they take in. Av We lived in Washing
ton an didn't have a scheme II
l formin' a new an effective ARMY in
! twinty-four hours, ye'd be thought
wake minded. > II. u d