The Pleasantville press. (Pleasantville, N.J.) 1912-1929, 1916-10-14
FINNEGAN'S PHILOSOPHY
Purning the Heart.


Which iv them? All iv them. He
smites the Civil Service Rock and re-
freshin' jobs gushes foorth for thursty
but dishurvin' Dimycrats. He blows
on a horn an ivrythin' falls for ut.
If the people call him liver SO soft,
Little Samuel had no quicker ear. An
for sacryficin' what's dear to his heart,
Abraham had nawthin' on him. Sure
he is Dimocricy's shield an exceedin'
great reward.
"Tis his Presbyterian bringin' up,
I'm thinkin.' Furst he adopts a policy;
thin he thries to justify 1t, thin he
sanctifes it wild a phrase, while a choir
" Dishurvin Dimmycrats sings a
hymn. An there we are. Justification,
Adoption an Sankty-lcashun.
1.-THE choir med great harmony whin
Jim Smith, George Harvey an Bill
Brine was all In ut. But war be wan
their vices cracked IN they passed out
iv the life Nv the great Idaylist.
Harvey went back to edith an Bill
Brine whit In search Nv the HOwly
Kale. McCombs was canned, because
him an Billy McAdoo cuddent sing a
duet, an Oscar Underwood was weak
on Tariff ragtime. But Wudthrow die
Grated thin all. Wild f'what say ye?
Wild the Order " the Double Cross.
Ohio. l mind we'll the time at the
Manhattan Club, whin he kissed Brine
an kicked Harvey wild wan motion.
Now the choir has what Wudthrow
calls the vital stuffs iv life.' Stone an
McAdoo; Danyiels an Jim Ham Lewis,
wild Redfeld for the high falsetto.
Wudthrow sits wild his hands crossed
while the stuffs sings songs iv praise,
an Col. House winds the Victhrola.
"Wudthrow is fond iv music, but
Colonel House himself Is the quiet
man. Faith av he danced a Clog on
a Washbiler ye'd niver hear a sound.
swell, wan night In August the
Colonel come tiptoein' in through the
basement dure.
elbows the game, Colonelf says
Wudthrow. $685. the Colonel says.
'Ye might round up a few more votes
says he, scratchin' his ear wild an
absent air.
".Aint I got the full dinner-pail'sT
axes Wudthrow, anxious like. All
that's forgot the first two year and
a half says House pleasantly. 'Aint
I KEEP EN- out O. WARP axes Wudthrow.
Part O. tn time,' says House rubin
his left shin wild the f~elt-slipper on
his right foot. 'Aint my voice u
greatest liquid asset?' axes Wilson
earnestly. It's some voice. says House,
but a lot " suckers can't tell a asset
firm IN li'bility, the Colonel says
"'Fwhat are We drivin' at says
Wilson, four flushing a little.
".Arre We watchin' the striker says
House. Half a millyun votes might
be useful says House, tiptoein' out
through the dure, IN closin' ut behind
him.
"Well, Sir, he left Wudthrow sunk
in profound miditashun. At last he
spakes. I hear he says, in a low
sweet tone that vice iv the people,
which is to me as the vice of a Car
negie Penshun.' Oh he says thrill
lin in ivry nerve, must 1 indade sacry-
flee wan more IDOL says he, 'on the
altar iv me Counthryv says Wud-
throw.
"'Was not the Wan Turn Plank he
says; AN the Sugar Tax he says;
AN the Tariff for Rev'noo,' he says;
an all me friends, beside Says he,
sixteen per'fy good Mexican Policies
was not all thin enough?' he axe
in agony. But 1 will purge MT Heart
iv ivry pers'nal fought says he,
startin' for bed. An before he re-
tires, he takes a Heart Purge iv his
own invinshun the way it IL wurk
while he sleeps. 1 dinnaw f'what the
purge is. TITS a secret.
"In the morn he was puzzled. He
wanted a great sacryfse of a pur-
rinciple, lear to his heart, but he'd
used most iv thin already, an he felt
that this was no time for second hand
or slightly damaged sacryfses. So
he sends for House. Colonel says
he, 'Fwhat .pur-rinciple d'yr think
wud be an acceptable sacryfise in this
great morel imargincy?' he axes
anxiously.
"'Whisper,' says the Colonel. And
he said wan wurd in Wudthrow's ear,
and faded silently away through the
dure.
"For wan instant Wudthrow stud
s%pellbound. Thin he burst into a
whoop; 1.-THE Ram in the Bushes
cries he wild tears iv j'y.
"T'was an impressive ceremony
whin the sacryfse was solemny-ised
at the Capitol.
"The PROCESSION started f'om the
White House wild the Prisidint walkin'
ahead carryin' the Ram in wan hand
an O box iv Safety-First matches in
th' other. He was followed by a coon