The Washburn leader., 1916-01-28
HIS SLIPPERY SHOES
RETIRED MERCHANT TELLS TALE
OF DIRE DISASTER.
With New Pair Of "eoxes" on HE
Feet He Left the Store, Feeling
Important, but Pride Had
a Downfall.

q Downfall.
"The shoemaker ought to glue q
piece Of sandpaper on the sole of each
new shoe," said the retired merchant.
II bought pair of boxes for my feet
this morning, and thought I'd wear
them home to get them broke in: I
stepped from the store into the street
feeling all dressed up. 1t beats all
what difference it makes in a mans
self-esteem when lie; is wearing some.
thing new. If it's only a necktie that
costs 25 cents, he feels chesty over it
and is satisfied that it's the finest neck
tie in the United States.
"When l purchase clean shave at
the tonsorial parlor, always feel 100
per cent more dignified and am not so
approachable as / was before. I ex-
pect a certain amount of Difference on
the part of the proletariat.
"With those new shoes on my feet
realized that am an important citi-
zen, and my chest was pushed for
ward, and my head tilted back. Mrs.
Wagonseller and Mrs. Binnacle were
standing in front of the store. They
are the smoothest women in town, and
l am proud of their acquaintance. l
stepped up with old-school courtesy,
lifting my hat and smiling umbra-
geously. and then those new shoes gave
me away. They just naturally slid out
from under me, with malice afore-
thought, in the county and state afore-
said, and sat down on the concrete
pavement right between the two
women.
''They are perfect ladies in every
respect, and they tried their hangedest
to look as though nothing unusual had
happened, as though their gentlemen
friends made a practice of kerplunking
themselves down on the sidewalk right
at their feet.
Perhaps If had got up promptly,
and had treated the matter as joke,
they wouldn't have been overpowered.
But the jolt I got when sat down
must have unsettled my faculties, for
l just sat there looking at those shoes,
trying to figure out what OBJ. .ect they
had in handing me such deal. sup.
pose 1 must have been q humorous
spectacle. Anyhow, after writhing
around for minute, trying to keep
from laughing, Mrs. Wagonseller ut
tered a shrek, and then Mrs. Binnacle
began to gasp and gurgle like some
strong swimmer in his agony, ,nnd then
they just leaned against ea1h other
and let go all holds and yelled with
merriment. About forty thousand
women came up to see what the fun
was, and I never felt so cheap in my
life.
Il climbed to my feet, having re-
gained my reason at last, and deter
mined to make the best of it, so ex-
planned, as brushed the dust OF my
raiment, that my shoes were not
equipped with emergency brakes, and
while was explaining the blamed
things did another tango stunt and I
sat down in the same place with a
zeal worthy of a better cause.
"Well, they just simply had to carry
some of those women into q rest room
and pour ice water over them. don't
see anything so laundering funny in
q man having hand-to-hand conflict
with his feet, but I guess have no
sense Of humor.
Before got those shoes home I
had fallen in all the popular styles.
There's no sense in making shoes with
soles like creased glass, and am 60
ing to write to our congressman and
have him introduce some sort of a
bill.'
".About I've hundred people have told
me of your ground-and-lofty tumbling
on the public streets" observed the ho-
tel keeper, "but nobody said anything
about new shoes. They all seemed to
take it for granted that you had been
blowing your savings for hard cider" ."
Pittsburgh Gazette Times.