The gazette-times. [volume] (Heppner, Or.) 1912-1925, 1916-08-24
:: SPICE ::


that our consignment did not suit
you; there was, however, no mis-
take on our part. We have
looked up your original order,
and find that it reads as follows:
Rush fifty boxes of eggs. We want
them bad "-Tit-Bits.
Chairman of the Committees
this the place where you are happy
all the time? St. Peter (proudly) 1T
is sir. Chairman of the Committee
Well, l represent the union and if
we come in we can agree to be happy
eight hours a day.-Life.
"See that man over there?" "Yes
very ordinary looking. What's he
ever done?" "Well, he amt much
for looks, but he can come nearer
findin' drink in dry town than any
other man ye ever seen. kansas
City Star.
My doctor told me l would have
to quit eating so much" did
you laugh him to scorn?" II did a;
first. but when he sent in his bill l
found he was right. Dallas News.
Music Dealer.-And here's the
Lucia sextette-a very popular re-
cord. Mrs. Rox, (virtuosly) No,
not for family machine; there's too
much of the sex business nowadays
Puck.
1T is said," he remarked, reflect
lively, that women's hands are grow
ing larger"
"Well?" she returned inqulringly.
Yes" he asserted. And the
worst of it is that there is every
Likelihood that this tendency will con-
tinue."
"Yes?" she said in the same in
quiring tone.
YES he repeated. "You see,
motor-driving, and golfing, and ten
mis- and other sports that women have
recently taken up are responsible for
it,
''En that case, she said, with a
glance at her own dainty hands,
you'd better speak quick if you want
a small one. '-Tit-Bit
"You advertised as chaufferette-
maid" yes, madam" What
we're your duties at your last place."
~ drove and cleaned th cars single
handed" And as maid?' 81 took
down my lady at night and assem-
bled her in the morning, madam. =
Punch.
A nortGerner riding through the
West Virginia mountains came up
with a mountaineer leisurely driving
a herd OF pigs. Where are you driv-
ing the pigs to?" asked the rider,
"Out to pasture EN- a bit" what
for?" ITO latten EN- - isn't it
pretty slow work to Tatten EN- on
grasses?" Up where I came from we
pen them up and feed them on corn.
1t saves a fot of time. "Yaas, s'pose
So" drawled the mQuntaineer. But
what's time to hawg?'
Jake Penticoff came to seek aid
from the city fathers.
Il gotta haff sack of -four said
Jake, I'm all out and my family iss
starfh'
"All right, Jake" said the official.
"If you need the -four and have no
money we'll get you a sack. But
ee here, Jake, there's circus coming
to town, and if we get you -four are
jou sure that you will not sell it and
take your family to the circus?"
"Oh, no. said Jake; 81 already got
that safed up. Vas got money to go
the circus.
A violinist who gives concerts
throughout the west was bitterly dis
appointed with the account of his re-
cital printed in country newspaper.
Il told you three or four times"
complained the musician to the own
er of the paper, that the instrument
used was a genuine Stradivarlus.
and in his story there was not a word
about it, not a word" Whereupon
the owner said, with laugh: That
is as it ,holld be. Whel NJ. Stradi-
Narius gets u fiddle advertised In
in my paper under two dollars line,
you come around and let me know"
AS train was getting up steam to
leave a certain station, it suddenly
parted in the middle. Of course, the
communication cord broke and one
end of it struck an old lady, who was
standing on the platform, in the face.
Goodness me-" she gasped in as
constituent. what was that?"
The train has broken In two, mad