Ashland tidings. [volume] (Ashland, Or.) 1876-1919, 1916-03-09
The Only Fool
By M. QUAD
Copyright 1916, by the Mcclure
Newspaper Syndicate.

was tired OF work ana wanted nome.
Jim Hewson married Sarah Martin
because he also wanted a home and
because he knew that she earned So a
month. That would pay the rent on a
cottage in "a village in those far back
days
jim was lazy. He was born that
way and couldn't help it. He hadn' t
energy enough to sweat a shirt collar,
and therefore when he worked he got
paid according to his energy, which
pay seldom exceeded 10 cents day.
The bridal tour Of the newly weds
consisted Of walking IA mile arm in
arm. each with basket ON the free
arm. to huckleberry swamp a mile
away There they picked twelve quarts
Of bcrries-that is, Sarah picked ten
quarts and Jim two. Then they walk
ed back to town and sold the berries
to Il grocer for 60 cents in cash
You see" said Jim as he jingled the
money in his hand, 1--WE can get along
as easy as grease. This money would
buy US provisions for Il week.
The bride half laughed at the re-
mark, but soon felt serious and hadn't
much more to say. Two weeks later.
however, she had. Jim had gone to
see her in the kitchen in which she
worked and was feeling glad that he
was married man when she said
Jim, | have been thinking things
over"
| "Well| was the query.
81 have come to the conclusion that
was either lunatic or an idiot to
have married you. You are all wrong
You are lazy and shiftless. You haven't
got the energy of potato bug. You
want me to work and support you In.
stead of 1t being the other way. If
you were the best husband in the state
wouldn't do it."
"Well, what are we going to do?"
asked the husband after lapse of a
minute.
81 can't get divorce from you, Jim
for | haven't got the money to put one
through. If we agreed on a separa-
tion 1t would do me no good, for I'd
still be bound to you. If | was free
altogether | might stand a chance of
getting husband who would provide
home and comforts for me-"
"You mean If | should die you'd
have your chance?"
The wife didn't reply She only
looked at him
Jim rose up and left the house with,
out good night and went to his bed
Of hay in the stable. and for an hour
he did more thinking than he had done
IN year before.
In about week he tried suicide. He
went over on the railroad track in
midaftenOOn. and when the o'clock
express came along be was standing
between the rails and facing it, The
whistle screamed and footed. but jim
stood there uS If spiked to tie. The
engineer tried to stop the train but
the pace was thirty miles an hour
when the cOwcatcher did its work
Five minutes later n man who had
witnessed the accident from forty rods
away came running up just as the vic
tim was climbing the fence of corn
field into which he mad been hurled
He had Il slight limp in the left leg,
but that was nothing for Jim to kick
about
Sarah had heard Of this attempt and
started out to look for Jim, but she
didn't have the luck to lind him. lie
was missing from his usual huunts for
three or four days, and then he turned
up on bluff overlooking the mill pond
half mile from the bridge He was
going to try the water cure this time.
lne bluffs were thirty feet above the
water, and Jim couldn't swim a stroke.
Instead of striking the water, how
ever, he struck strip of mud.
You blamed idiot! Wha; did you
jump for? saw you when you made
the leap!" said a passerby.
II wanted to die" replied lin.
Sarah got every loose boy in town
TO hunt for jim. but they hunted In
vain. He had one more attempt com
ing to him. and if found at all he want
Il 70 hA 10 Ant txpn
miles away from town and hired to Il
farmer to sprinkle paris green over the
potato vines of his patch. The farmer
left him alone for an hour. and Jim
mixed Il big dose Of the powder and |
drank it down 1t was an overdose. |
however, and II was thrown Off, and |
his life was saved again.
II was when poor Jim was tottering |
down the road toward the village that
man in an auto overlook him and |
halted to say:
IF you aren't drunk. then you are
sick. Get In here Now, what's the
matterT
Jim told him all. and. curiously
enough, the autost proved to be an
Uncle of his whom he had not heard
of since his boyhood days. When the
uncle had heard the story TO its end he
said
Jim, you had fool for father
You have got three fool brothers and
fool sisters and about five or six fool
uncles and aunts and the Lord only
knows how many fool cousins. but you
are the first fool in all the family that
ever owned up to being a fool You
Shnl hn rnrn tdnd La, nnnrnnnnnnn 1