davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The fool-killer., 1916-10-01
JUNGLE CHARLIE GONE
CRAZY.

It's too bad about "Uncle
Charhe.'
/ used to take a good deal of
interest in him and his Depart
ment in "Comfort. -
But, gosh-au-hemlocks He has
spoiled everything! He has gone
plum raving becussed crazy over
Preparedness, and Old Man GAN
nett is letting him blow off his
crazy steam through the columns
Of "Comfort'' all unnindful of
the terrible harm it may do.
Now | didn't expect anything
better from J. p. Morgan, G.. M.
Schwab, Andrew Carnegie, old du
Pont and their sort. Because they
have Preparedness to sell, we
naturally expect them to stir up
as much excitement as they can
about the "danger we are in,
and how we must "prepare' to
defend ourselves, and all that.
But for a man like Charles Noel
Douglas, who claims to be a friend
of the common people-for him to
cut loose and spout such a stream
of "scaredness'' as he does in his
Department in Comfort-hang
taxed if that ain t going a little
beyond the limit.
If the readers Of Comfort art
fools enough to swallow all tha
sob-stuff and allow themselves tt
be scared clean out of thei,
breeches by the rantings of ;
nervous invalid, they ought ITO al
fbe spanked on the bottom and pu
to bed without supper.
"Uncle Charlie has for year
made great capital out Of his help
less, bed-ridden condition, and
: has been much to his credit tha
he could write such bright, cheer
full articles under such conditions
F But how the mighty have ia
len! From the bright, hopefr
, optimistic man he was, he has sue
denly degenerated into a scarce
? nervous, howling hyena Of hat
discord and war!
Charlie can lounge back ther
n on his soft, springy bed and fe'
sure that he will never have to g
to war, and maybe that's g(
t something to do with his willing
e ness to drag others into it.
e But that aim the spirit Of tt
, "Uncle Charlie' [ used to kno1
: That "Uncle Charlie' is gon
u and in his place we have a vii
bowling, fire-eating, nervous, u
The fool-killer., 1916-10-01

easy, turbulent, trembling, Teddy
phobia tantrum tool, advocating
"scaredness'' and puking up
bloody butcher-knives all day
long.
Yes, it's a plum pity about
"Uncle Charlie" losing his mind.
The fool-killer., 1916-10-01
Club Rates.



han a
who acquainted with
handwriting WRITE VERY CAREFULLY possible
have the list typewriter, much the better.
Killer DID, 1t has
cuation state the Union and also to several foreign
10000 eagerly waiting for its
postoce
payable
BOOMER, n. {.
The fool-killer., 1916-10-01
October 1916
''THE PROSPERITY WAVE

Well, Til swing,
By jing!
If we amt struck
The luck!
Prosperity has cesae,
<erbum!
And struck us in the back,
kerwhack!
Just like wave of gold
It rolled.
And swept us from our feet,
Completes!
Here underneath it all.
We crawl.
And beg like any whelp
For help.
We poor folks never learned
That burned
Old trick of getting hold
OF gold.
We're too weak, I'm afraid,
To wade
Through such a wave of bliss
As this.
Alas, it seems to me
That we
Will have to make this wave"
Our grave!
Somebody throw a rope
Df hope,
or we must settle down
And drown!
james Larkin Pearso
The fool-killer., 1916-10-01

amount or money lie can Spellu
to keep up swell appearance.
Now, Lord, I want to ask if
that's the kind Of a church you
established here on earth? /
don't think it is; and I don't be-
lieve you are going to claim kin
with such a church when the
get-up bugle sounds.
Lord, I'm just a poor, lgnor-
ant cuss and maybe | don t know,
but it looks to me like the church
of today has got long ways off
from your teachings. If man
today should try to live as you
lived and preach as you preached,
I'll bet my old hat he'd land in
prison or in the insane asylum
before hell could scorch a feath-
er.
| O Lord, how much longer are
you going to let this condition Of
affairs continue? I always
thought your mission was to lift
up the fallen and comfort the
sad-hearted, but most of your
lpretended followers do just the
lopposite-they kick a feller when
he's down and help them that
don't need helping. They rob
the poor and needy and give to
them that already have more than
they know what to do with. O
Lord, such religion as that brings
reproach upon your great and
holy name, and if I was in your
place I just wouldn't put up with
it. I'd make my followers toe
the mark little better or I'c
give 'em their time and tell 'en
to highball.
5 Just one more request, O Lord
!, and then I'll hang up the receive
l and ring off. If it takes richie
! and fine clothes and worldl,
honors to get a feller into Heav
en-, I want you to please send m
. some good scheme by which | cal
s rake in few millions. And i
Y these things are not necessary
n then what on earth are the breth
u rem such fools over 'em for
= Please answer at once. Amen.
The fool-killer., 1916-10-01

A North Carolina sport is in
trouble because he is engaged to
two girls named Kate, and he
wants to know how to extricate
himself. Good land, [ don't see
what he wants with an extra Kate.
Looks to me like two Kates would
be a plenty.
The fool-killer., 1916-10-01

LIFE OF NAOMI WISE. A true
story of beautiful girl and how she
was killed by Johnathan Lewis In
Randolph, Co., N. c., about 100 years
ago. We include the song of "Naoms
Wise" with the Book which is neatly
printed and substantially bound. ALI
sent postpaid for Is cents
NEWSUM BOOK CO., 315 Newsum
Bldg, King, n. G.
The fool-killer., 1916-10-01
ADVERTISEMENTS,

TOBACCO HABIT Easily Con-
quored" is the name of a wonderful
book by M. MacLevy. Every tobacco
slave should read this book. No drugs.
Plain and simple rules for changing
yourself from slave into master.
Price $1.25 net. Albro Society, 18l
Lexington Ave., New York.
The Brookings register. [volume] (Brookings, Brookings County, S.D.) 1903-1971, 1916-07-20

She departed this life last Thursday,
July 18th, at the ripe old age Of seven
ty-six years, eight months and eighteen
DAYS, and leaves to mourn her death
besides the above children, three
brothers and four sisters together with
a large number of grandchildren and
great grandchildren with a large con-
course Of friends.
Funeral services were held at the
home of Mrs. Etting on Williams street
Friday afternoon at three o'clock,
conducted by Rev. r. A. Bruce and the
remains were taken for interment to
kellogg, Mimi, where they were car
ried from the church which her hus
band had built years ago and laid be
side his remains to await the Resur
rection Morn.
The Brookings register. [volume] (Brookings, Brookings County, S.D.) 1903-1971, 1916-07-20
DEATH OF MRS. JARMAN

Mrs. Elizabeth Jarman was born in
England August IA, 1926, and departed
this life July 18th, 1916, aged 80 years,
eleven months and three days.
She anne to America about 1851
and located at Westfeld, New York,
where she made her home until about
the time of the civil war. February
18th, 1856, she was united in marriage
to Mr.. Joel Jarman.
Some few years later Mr.. and Mrs.
Jarman moved to Waterloo, Iowa.
where they made their home until they
came to Lake Preston, S. D., in 1882.
Mr.. Jarman died in 1854.
Mrs. Jarman has made her home in
Brookings for twenty years. She al
ways enjoyed excellent health until
the intirmaties of age came upon her.
She was most patient through ell her
suffering and endured with remarkable
fortitude the Affections and the weight
Of years. During the past few weeks
she had been failing rapidly and peace
fully passed away early Monday morn
ing. She was a woman Of strong char
The Brookings register. [volume] (Brookings, Brookings County, S.D.) 1903-1971, 1916-07-20

will be necessary in the future. If the
war lasts American shippers, with
push enough to build large submarines,
can reap a rich harvest in running the
blockade. 1t will only be necessary to
elude the allies cruisers at the other
side of the ocean. The German com.
mander has demonstrated that this
can be done. The epoch making fea'
ture of his performance, however, lies
in the fact that he torpedoed interna
navigation was the only mode Of trave.
on the high seas.
The Brookings register. [volume] (Brookings, Brookings County, S.D.) 1903-1971, 1916-07-20
OLD SETTLER PASSED AWAY

Harriet Creager was born October
81, 1889. in Fillmore county, Ohio, and
was united in marriage to Anthony
MILFORD March IA, 1855, coming i'm
mediately to Minnesota, where Rever-
end MILFORD was a pioneer Methodist
Minister. being the first Methodist min
lister ordained in Minnesota.
To them was born seven children,
three boys and four girls Of whom
three girls and n boy survive.
Mr.. MILFORD served for sometime in
South Dakota and at the time of his
death. about seventeen years ago, was
serving as pastor Of the Methodist
church in Lake Preston. The family
wore living at that time In Brookings
and continued to make this city their
home most of the time since.
At the time Of her death Mrs. Will
ford was making her home with her
daughter. Mrs. George Fitting, having
come here about . year ago from the
homo Of another daughter near White.
The Brookings register. [volume] (Brookings, Brookings County, S.D.) 1903-1971, 1916-07-20

The crop outlook in South Dakota
is very promising at the present time.
From all parts of the state good re-
ports are heard. Weather conditions
the past three weeks have been ideal,
and corn which is the principal crop in
the east section of the state promises
to be normal. Hay and the various
grain crops were hardly ever better at
this season. With continued good
weather the only thing farmers may
have to worry about is the help propo-
sition during harvest time.
The Brookings register. [volume] (Brookings, Brookings County, S.D.) 1903-1971, 1916-07-20

At the spring meeting Of the board
of county commissioners a resolution
was passed dividing the road fund,
which had accumulated from automo-
bile and motorcycle licenses, equally
among the five districts. This was
done in the absence of Commissioner
Jarvis Of this district, and regardless
of the number of licenses. In Mr..
Jarvis district there are approximately
800 autos. In Davis IFS, TOlIefson's
255, Halyorson's 200 and Kidman's 240.
1t will thus be seer that the board was
hardly fair in giving each district an
equal division Of the funds. Mr.. Jarvis
brought the matter up at the recent
meeting of the board and moved a re-
consideration, but the other members
Of the board stood pat and refused to
reconsider. As the matter now stands
this district is out about $500 which
fairly belongs to it. There seems to
be no question that Mr.. Jarvis is right
and the matter is going to be thorough
ly investigated.
The Brookings register. [volume] (Brookings, Brookings County, S.D.) 1903-1971, 1916-07-20

War brings to the fore other self
sacrificing patriots than those who lay
down their lives on the Battlefield. Not
so much is said about them, but they
suffer and contribute their full share as
much Is do the men on the firing line.
Theirs Is not a spectacular part
They make their sacrifice in silence,
Readers of the newspapers are not
thrilled by any report of what mothers
and wives and sisters do or the hero.
ism they display. Unsung and un.
honored they silently and patiently
tread the path of duty. weeping alone
and awaiting the day when the loved
one at the front may return. In all
the annals of history no greater feats
Of heroism have been recorded than
the sacrifices women have made in
time Of war.
The Brookings register. [volume] (Brookings, Brookings County, S.D.) 1903-1971, 1916-07-20
MRS. G. {. S

Ernestina Carolina Henrietta Fitz-
ner was born in Pilgrims Home, Stri-
gau, Germany, August 4, 1841. She
moved to America with her parents in
1850, taking up their residence at West
Bend, Wis. Here she grew to M
hood, and upon August s, 1866, was
married to Gustaf Ernest Sasse. Short
ly after their marriage they removed to
Minnesota, settling first at st. Charles,
ami soon after removed to their farm
near Elba, MINI. Here she remained
until 1881, when the family came west,
settling upon their homestead adjoin-
ing Henry, S. d.
In 1893 her health having failed her,
the family left the farm and took up
their residence at Vienna, S. ID. In
1902 she and her husband removed to
Bookings, S. d., where they remained
until 1909. At this time she and her
husband removed to Revillo and took
up their residence with their eldest
daughter, where they remained until
the time of her death, July 5th, 1916,
which was caused by a stroke of apo
plexy.
To her and her husband were born
seven children, all of whom survive
her: Carrie T.. Noble, Revillo, S. D.;
Ernest G., Lidgerwood, n. D.; Henry
A., Henry, S. d.; Carl A., Veblin, S. D.;
Louis Edward, Vienna, S. d.; Edith NJ.
Ashbaugh, Murdoch, MINI; and Esther
Pauline Wing, Brookings, S. D. Be-
sides her husband and seven children
she is survived by fourteen grandchil-
dren.
From childhood she was a constant
believer in the saving power of Jesus
Christ. At the age of fourteen she was
converted and Joined the German Meth
odist church at West Bend, Wis.
Shortly after her marriage she be-
came a member Of the Evangelical AS
ISOLATION church and remained such
until the time of her death. During
her entire Christian life she was a
faithful worker in the cause Of Christ.
1t was her faith in her religion and in
the saving power of the Master which
enabled her to Withstand her twenty
four years of intense suffering.
Shortly prior to her death, plans
were forming for the celebration of her
golden wedding on August 8, 1916. and
1t was her earnest desire to participate
in the joyous event with her family and
friends, but it was not to be. The call
Of the Master released the spirit from
the suffering body and called her home.
Those from ~Brookings who attended
the funeral were Mr.. and Mrs. E. A..
Wing and daughters. Mr.. and Mrs. F.
II. Mitchell and daughter, and Mrs. c.
H. Atkinson.
The Brookings register. [volume] (Brookings, Brookings County, S.D.) 1903-1971, 1916-07-20

Hetty Green was perhaps the richest
woman in the world at the time of her
death. If she is remembered ten years
from now by anyone outside of her i'm.
mediate family 1t will only be because
of the fact that she was a great wo-
man financier. She did no good with
her wealth. and used her great talents
for a sordid and selfish purpose. She
rendered no service to her country nor
to mankind. AS a factor In the worlds
progress she was a mere CIPHER. She
lived for herself and died almost
friendless. Her life may easily be said
to have been a failure.
The Brookings register. [volume] (Brookings, Brookings County, S.D.) 1903-1971, 1916-07-20

The Associated Advertising Clubs Of
the World, at their annual meeting re-
resolution favoring the fiat rate for
newspaper advertising. The Register
adopted and has maintained the fiat
rate over a long period of years, al
ways contending that the zone price
to ALL was the fairest and most salts
factory way of selling space. Natural
ly we are quite pleased over the en-
dorsement of our methods in this re-
spect.
The Brookings register. [volume] (Brookings, Brookings County, S.D.) 1903-1971, 1916-07-20

acter, genial disposition and a consls-
tent Christian.
She leaves to mourn four children
and nine grandchildren. The children
are Mrs. l.. II. Skiff and Mr.. Geo. Jar
man. of Bookings, Jerry and Fred Jar
man. of Nowlin, S. d., besides 4 large
circle of friends and acquaintance,
The funeral services were held at
the home of Mr.. L. II. Skif Monday
evening at 7:3O. The remains were
taken to Lake Preston, S. D, Tuesday
for burial.
The Brookings register. [volume] (Brookings, Brookings County, S.D.) 1903-1971, 1916-07-20

The South Dakota Press Associa'
ton will meet in Sioux Falls August
Sd and 4th. The members will get to.
gether to talk shop and for a little
recreation. Experts will be on hand
to talk on cost finding and other ques-
tons which are worrying the news
paper men of the state during these
times of rapid advances in all grades
of paper and other material used in
the business. The press gang of Sioux
Falls and a committee of business men
will also be on hand to show the pen
ell pushers a good time in the usual
Sioux Falls way.
The Brookings register. [volume] (Brookings, Brookings County, S.D.) 1903-1971, 1916-07-20

If the scientists are right we are at
least three million miles farther from
the sur than We were last January. Yet
the rays of old Sol makes us seek the
shade of a tree with greater zest than
we sought the pleasant quarters of n
we'll heated room six months ago.
The Brookings register. [volume] (Brookings, Brookings County, S.D.) 1903-1971, 1916-07-20

Hogs reached the so mark in Sioux
City last week. Farmers who have
hogs to sell can hardly complain about
market conditions. Good prices pre-
vail for most all kinds of farm pro-
ducts and are apt to continue good.
The Brookings register. [volume] (Brookings, Brookings County, S.D.) 1903-1971, 1916-07-20

The commissioner Of school and
public lands had $775,376 to distribute
at the June apportionment. This to-
gether with last Defenders apportion-
ment gives a per capita of 1914 for the
year.
The Brookings register. [volume] (Brookings, Brookings County, S.D.) 1903-1971, 1916-07-20

The feat Of the German commander
who successfully eluded all enemies
and brought : million dollar cargo to
this country has established . new
epoch in marine affairs. Important
readiustments In maritime regulations
The Brookings register. [volume] (Brookings, Brookings County, S.D.) 1903-1971, 1916-07-20
~HARWooD-HOY WEDDING

At 4 o'clock Saturday afternoon AZ
tbe home of the brides parents, IN the
presence of immediate relatives ana
friends Miss Minnie Harwood, OF
Aurora a young lady of splendid at
tainments, was united in the holy
bonds of matrimony to Mr.. Jesse Hoy,
of Washburn, n. d. Mr.. Hoy is a farm
The Brookings register. [volume] (Brookings, Brookings County, S.D.) 1903-1971, 1916-07-20

er and has large interests in North Da-
kota where he also has a home pre-
pared for his return. These sterling
young people have the best wishes Of
their many friends. Rev. F. w. Stoll
tied the nuptial knot. The ring cere-
mony was used.
The Brookings register. [volume] (Brookings, Brookings County, S.D.) 1903-1971, 1916-07-20

WATERFOWL now has only ten saloons
instead of twelve and the license has
been raised to 5000. Last year it was
$3.50.
The Brookings register. [volume] (Brookings, Brookings County, S.D.) 1903-1971, 1916-07-20

Climate permits Sheep and
cattle to Craze without
shelter or attention. The
soil is a deep light brown
to black loan, with clay
Subsoil, heavily charged
with nitrogen.
Farming in the Great
Falls Country S more
profitable than i n the
c+o+oo -Lo- 1a..
The Brookings register. [volume] (Brookings, Brookings County, S.D.) 1903-1971, 1916-07-20

If a Register Want AID will not do it
can't be done!"
The Brookings register. [volume] (Brookings, Brookings County, S.D.) 1903-1971, 1916-07-20

are high. For instance, an Illinois farm of 100 acres is valued at
about $4,000: In Montana it would be valued at $500. The Hi
nos farm If planted to wheat would produce a crop valued at S2832
IT to oats $2695; if to barley 1884. The Montana farms wheat
crop would be worth about $4,000; oats S3456; barley S334O
The Brookings register. [volume] (Brookings, Brookings County, S.D.) 1903-1971, 1916-07-20
We are selling both improved
and unimproved lands at
prices which will surprise you

Come While the State is Growing Fast. Reap the
Harvests From the Rich Land or From Its Rapidly Advancing Land Prices
Montana agricultural wealth has been overlooked in the considera-
ton OF its marvellous mineral resources. Only during the last few
years have farmers discovered the wonderful profits to be derived
from Montanas soil. The bench lands upon which grew the MI
tr1tlous Buffalo grass are being transformed into the most produc-
tive wheat farms on the continent. For stock raising this Country
is UNSURPASSED. '' Oooiiy
The Brookings register. [volume] (Brookings, Brookings County, S.D.) 1903-1971, 1916-07-20

%T>HE GREAT FALLS COUNTRY is a wonderful region offering
big and sure crops, convenient markets and the best year
round climate on the continent. The annual rainfall, accord
ing to government records is from Is to rs inches distributed main
Y during the months of April, May, June and July. In winter the
The Brookings register. [volume] (Brookings, Brookings County, S.D.) 1903-1971, 1916-07-20

Clip the Coupon and Mail for In
formation, then Join One of Our
Excursions to See the Land.
This is the best time of year to see the CROPS
and study the country. Get our statistics
ana and you will want to
slons. We can save you time and rl.J.
money on this trip and you will Nldlles
III tna ar IT well W worth your while E. Hall
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-01-22

FOR SALE-One cut-down Ford roadster, Westinghouse starter and lights, Bosch magneto; special carburetor, speedome- ter, all new. This has been recently painted and overhauled. One Hupmo- bile Roadster.
 Saunders Motor Car Go.
 2021 Avenue D.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-01-22
DECATUR MAY HAVE
 CITY LIGHT PLANT

Decatur, January 21.-(Special.)-H. A. Mentz, assistant engineer of the Xavier A. Kramer Electrical, Mechanical and Civil Engineering company of Magnolia, Miss, was here last night and appeared before the Decatur city council. He laid before that body a plan for the building
 of municipal electric lighting and power plant in Decatur.
 Mayor James A. Nelson and the board of aldermen thought so well of the plan 1 that they agreed to allow this company to make a map of the city, showing the | location of all property and the number l of lights and the amount of electrical power now being used When this map | is completed the matter will again be | taken up by the city council. It will re- quire about 30 days to make this map After these premiinary steps have been taken the city will advertise the matter and will leave it to a vote of the people of the city as to whether or not they want the plant
 It is estimated that such a plant can be
 built for about $40,0OO It is stated that {, the city can have more lights and cheaper 1 lights with a plant of her own and that
 such a plant will be a money saving ano l a money making investment to the city With but very few exceptions the citizens l of Decatur are in favor of the building | of such a plant.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-01-22
lNE CENI A WORD
WANTED

RATES-One cent a word a day; no ad.
 taken for less than 25c for first inser- ton. Cash must accOmpany 0rder.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-01-22

EXPERIENCED engineer wants posi- tion on switch engine at once. Address C-37, care Age-Herald. 1-22-2t-sa- mo ENTERPRISING, energetic young man wants position as bookkeeper, assistant salesman; good typist; graduate of literary and business colleges; with best references. Address B-37, care Age Herald
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-01-22
Seryians at Corfu

Paris, January 20.-(Delayed.) )-An Athens dispatch to the Havas agency of yesterdays date says the Servian premier accompanied by several min- isters, has arrived at Corfu, as well as 200 Servian officers and soldiers The local authorities acting in conjunction with the forces of occupation had made preparations for their accommodation.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-01-22

LICENSED druggist wants position;
 six years experience; honest, sober,
 reliable; best references Address, K-36, care Age-Herald. 121-5t
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-01-22

WANTED-Position as stenographer by young lady; competent and experienced; references furnished; salary, $7.50 a
 week. Call Main 53 1-19-5t
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-01-22
Liverpool Cotton Statistics

Liverpool, January 21.-Weekly cot ton statistics: Total forwarded to mills SS,O00 bales, of which 69, 900 were American; stock, 000 bales: Ameri can, 5O3,O0O; imports, 39,OOO; American 27,000, exports, 13,600.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-01-22
INTERPRETATIONS

class lubricating oil,
 grease and speciality salesman by larg- est refiner; to man experienced mar keting lubricants, best salary and ex-
 penses paid; give several references first letter Address, D-33, care Age Herald 1-10-1mo-mO-Sa-S -Su
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-01-22
ONE CENT A WORD|ONE CENT A WORD
FOR SALE

RATES-One cent a word day; no nd.
 taken for less than 25c for first iDser- tiOn. Cash muaf Rccompnny order.