The Ontario Argus. (Ontario, Or.) 1???-1947, 1916-10-12
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Finnegan's Philosophy
BALAAN1


We'll do mind the story. said
Flnncgnn Bnlnnm was a hlghbrow
that knowcd less than his Jacknss. lie
took an Office to curse the people.
The Jncknss saved them "rls all Ia
Numbers Twlnty.two. och hone! It's
different these times The Jackass
knew better tlll Balnum tanned him.
Lave me ride yc," Snys Bannm, IAN
III make ye the biggest Ass Ia the
wurld."
"Grcat," says the Ass; what dye
fccdT'
Pork" SAYS Balaam.
"Mc savior" says the Ass,
Sc Balnam mounts. But soon the
Jack balks.
"Phwnt is itT' says Balnam.
Snakes" says the ASS; Ut looks
like the jnwbouc Nv me mother"
"G'wnn." says Balaam. hlttln' the
Ass clip. "'tls me furrcn' policy"
he says.
"Phwnt's ut forf' axes the Ass,
ut dchnds the uashun," says Ba.
laam.
How" says the Ass.
"Falth." says BALKAN. "ut takes n
bigger Ass than you 10 know thgt
Lave lt g. Urine" says lguum 90 JNr
ASS; m the Ja.b walks ON mcllia
tin
"icc. haw." says the As, halklu' nm
klphu,
"WhHt nowT' says liamlm
"UlyIl lurkus, ever seen The Ike
snys the ASS Ut could hc a frog"
SAYS he. "for ut stands up IN front,
an sits down behind; an Ills mostly
mouth" says the ASS ut hus white
feathers" says the Jack. "wld yallcr
strcnks. that changes" he says TO
Very Crooz Red. or Nlagnmy Bluc. nm
now they're Carrysnll Nallcr aTnin,"
says he. "IIlylns. have | been drink
IMP screams the Ass 10 BaHam.
"Saints be praised" says Balnam
Me Watchful Waitin' can stlll change
It's mind" he says. "G'wan, where
glory waits" he says, "G'wan. In the
service NV Mankind" says ,BaIanm To
the Ass, touching him up. An the
ASS shulIlcs ahead, wayln' his ears In
admiration.
"Hee-haw! Hee-haw" says the Jack,
rearin' up Wild his eyes bulgin',
"Phwat's gdppin' ye nowT says Ba.
laam. impashunt like.
II dOnno," says the ASS. ut looks
like the FLYNN Dutchman with So
cialist Crew" he says,
,,. Glgy aatro nnIouua
"Slde step TO the right" he says; "sldc
step to the left" says he, weltin' him.
Back up" says Balaam, near wrench.
In on the jacks jaw, "NOw forward
for the Merchant Marine an lfty
millyun pork" says Balaam wild a
shower NV blows; an the ASS goes on
thremblln'.
"Wah-hee! Wah-hee! Wah'heeG says
the Jack. shyin' SO he near threw his
rider.
"Ill learn ye 10 shy at me- NaVa
Bill, says Balaam, lar-rupin' the bast6
50 he cud scarce stand.
"Ye can't pass ut widout wearin
Republican clothes" says the Jack IN a
coarse whisper.
| "Ye ASS" says Balunm. Don't yC
know that amy cloes is betther uoI
nakedness? G'wan," says Balaum, In
tones nv thunder, So the poor bastC
lopes on, limpin wild pain.
I've not time TO tell ye all the adyen
lures they had. but they kep' on oyeI
rough roads. now an then crOssin' q
| ditch on wan term plank, which
made even Balaam unaisy. lyiry time
the Jack kicked, he got short ratiOns
an a wallup. SO when the journey
was near over, the poor baste wus all
In, and far too proud 10 fight Any
Jack-As can be that when he's licked
Wan stormy night, the Jack blooms
into harmony like a Dlmycrat Tarin
Hymn played on a gaspipe wild the feet
"Phwat ails ye nowi' calls Balaam
clubbin' him wild both hands.
| "Niyver did pass the like" yells the
ASS, sweatin' and thremblln'. "Ut
says uts an eight hour law. oh, phwat
Is utY screams the Ass to Balaam
feebly Vaughn his ears.
II dinno phwat ut is meself," says
Balaam, but l know phwat ut's got
Balaam says.
"Phwat" axes the poor ASS.
give hundther thousand votes" says
Balaam, wild pious air. "G'wan, "
big Ass, an doant ye argue wild al
Idaylist," says Balaam TO the Ass.
I'VE can't pass ut in the dark" pleads