The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1916-10-12
FINNEGAN'S PHILOSOPHY
Pitiless Publicity

l..
whats come to 'Pitiless Publicity
Meself could tell him. Where's Pitt
less Publicity?"' says Hughes. In the
Ash Cam says I. Twas all right on
the stump, but in Washin' ton tbs diff
fer. The Harp that waist through
Trenton's halls i name Tumulty
Whin he bursts into song now he picks
his chune!
"Tis not that Prisidint Wilson is
less public than Candydate Wilson
he's less pitiless. 'Tis like the show
man. He tells We all, an more, about
tn illyfant, but he has mintal res-va-
shune about the spotted baby.
$50 it Is wild Wilson. He's sofned
the hard heart iv 'Pitiless Publicity
How about the Postmasters" axes
the refawrumers. Wen niver tell We,
says the C'mishun. For why? says
the League. Twid embar'ss tn AID
ministhrashun,' says the Cmishun
And the people laughs. 'Ye fired tn
Hid of the Cinsus,' says Hughes. 'Ye
ne,' says Redfield. He raysined wild
out bein' axed,' says he. 'Ye lie yer
self says Durand. 'Ye towld me yea
fire me, an We gev me place to
politician, says Durand. 1xacly
fwhat I said,' yells Pink Whiskers, i
was goin' to fire ye anyway, but
niver axed ye to raysine,' says Pinky'
An the people rOarS.
""Ten us about all thin Dishurvin'
Dimmycrats,' says the people. An
Washin' ton is SWEEP be storm Nv
silence.
But doan't We think there's no pub
licity at all. Teddy himself was none
xunshy with the papers. but he cud
be quiet too.
"'We'il grab some land in Vinzu-
eely,' says the Ambassydure, tem'pri-
w. says he Yell not says Teddy,
ye'u agree to arbitrate,' says he, or
he says, in tin days Dewey'n be there
says Teddy.
"'Me Ry'le Masther will niver con-
STINT says tn other. Thin says Ted
dy, I'il sind Dewey at wanst. There's
no use waitin',' Teddy says. How'd
EN- says the Ambassydure. We
agree says he, an divtl a bit did we
know how it was for dozen year.
"'We'n have Ferdy Carey alive or
the Bashi Bazook dead says Teddy,
an back comes Ferdy. An the papers
says. 'On demand ~ the State Depart
ment Ferdy Carey has been released
An that's all.
"How is it now? The greasers
slaughters twinty at Sanity Isabel
Another Mexican Crisis says the
headlines. Twinty Americans killed.
thew saws. The President Calm says
they. 'Ates Bacon and Eggs. Plays
Goluf.' SAYS the headlines. An the pa
per goes on:
"'The Prisidint's appytite at break
fast was good, tn leader ~ the ma
shun gettin' outside Nv grape fruit, ba
con an eggs, hot biscuit an coffee
Whin Docther Grayson announced the
bill iv fare the tinshun over Mexico
was much relaved.
""The Prfsidint is solvin' in privacy
the fateful question, "Will me throat
last?" The answer is waited wild fe
verish anxiety
"Mondah the papers says: 'Nashunal
Disaster! Sore Throat Feared! Panic
at the Capital! The Prisidint Calm!
Consideration was spread among
all classes today be the report that
the Prisidint awoke with a sore throat
Strong men tainted before they cud
reach the nearest saloon. There is
talk iv appintin' day " prayer. 1t IS
hoped that Senior Arre-ye-on-though
will claim that the dead Americans
raysisted ixicushun A high authority
states that this wud end the crisis.
The Prisidint made but wan remark:
"Ay they'd not been there they'd not Nv
been kilt"
"Choosdah, they says, Hope revives
No sore throat. Bitten by insect
President calm. All Phrases iv Mat
Their to be considered.
"The anxiety in the Capital was re-
Iaved today be the followin' bulletin
"'"The Prisidint has a slight per-
| foration in the cuticle over the 1nfery'
ure maximary caused be insect bitin
him whin asleep. The patient was toe
proud to scratch. (Signed Grayson.'
att is reported also that Ginera
Scott will 90 to the border to bury the
dead. and apologize to the Insurgents
he will axe Carranzy, whether he wuc
accept a loan if offered. This is con
sidered the thrue Sutton Nv the diff
Guilty
"Winsdah the Prisidint goes motor
in. Thursdah he writes a note anc
| Gineral Scott starts for the border
Fridah the headlines says Peace II
Europe near. President studyin' terms
VIII he stop the war? Another mote
expected. Capital excited over report.
"But we're comforted be bein' towlC
the Prisidint will not be bethraye(
into hasty ackshun.
"Sundah, he's considerin' tn Ar
menyan question, an Mondah he ad
yfses Grandmothers about suckin
eggs. And another crisis Is past.
so 1t goes ivry day. As-I was say
in, there's a'plenty publicity. but I'll
not the brand " 1912"