davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Weston leader. [volume] (Weston, Umatilla County, Or.) 189?-1946, 1916-03-24

'sMIster 1ntcrloentor. can you tel ne
why . room fun Of married people 10
like an empty roomf-
NO. Mr. Bones. cannot. WIN you
tell us whyf~
Because there Is not . single per
son IN it,
Good. Mr.. Bones. Aud What have
you 10 say this evening. Mr.. Tambof-
Can you tell me how many eggs q
man can eat on an empty stomaehf"
mo. Mr.. Tambo. cannot WIN you
tell us how manyy-
~one. Because after that his stom-
ach wouldn't be empty"
After the smoke has cleared away
and the blood has been mopped up
from the stage. Mr.. Let's Lynehem
viii render that pathetic ballad. Ten
Million Squirrels Have Starved 70
Death Since Henry Ford's Ship
Steamed Away
The Weston leader. [volume] (Weston, Umatilla County, Or.) 189?-1946, 1916-03-24

Former Speaker Cannon tells this
story OF his early !mpecunious days:
zone OF my friends was n strug-
Cling physician. Neither fame nor for.
tune had come TO either OF US. but
we were always hopeful. The years
had weighed heavily upon my friend,
however. for he soon lost his hair, be-
ing quite bald
"One day greeted him with q
beaming countenance and exclaimed:
what do you think. Henryf have
Just bought an office safe
Then. Joe.' he said with the ut
most gravity. I shall buy a hair
brush"
The Weston leader. [volume] (Weston, Umatilla County, Or.) 189?-1946, 1916-03-24
Avto kins srid.l pair.

Dubuque, lows. IT. J. Fitzpatriek,
an attorney, and his bride Of two
months, were killed, and Mrs. Marga-
ret Morrison, mother Of the young wo-
man, and Mrs. David Hack, daughter
Of President German, Of the Rock
Island railroad, were injured when
their automobile left the road and fell
down q 10-foot embankment near here.
The occupants were pined under the
car. Mr.. Fitzpatrick Is believed to
have lost control Of the machine.
The Weston leader. [volume] (Weston, Umatilla County, Or.) 189?-1946, 1916-03-24
900 Sheep Contracted for,

Baker, ore.--Not only is wool being
contracted we'll In advance Of the clip
this year, but wool-bearers are also
being spoken for in large quantities,
as was evidenced here when George
Densley, Of this city, reported having
contracted for 10. 900 head. June delIv-
cry. OF the total 5000 are wethers
from the A. H. Hampton hocks. 5000
are lambs owned by NJ. F. Cundif and
1000 are lambs from various hocks In
the John Day country. Mr.. Densley
was reticent as TO the price paid, but
intimated the lambs brought sl.6 so to IS
The Weston leader. [volume] (Weston, Umatilla County, Or.) 189?-1946, 1916-03-24

Mexico City-Although the terms Of
the new arrangement which, on the
direct instructions Of General Carran-
IN, is being sought with the United
States have not been made public here.
it is understood that many Of the pro-
visions entered into between the two
countries in 1882 regarding the pursuit
Of outlaw Indian bands are included in
the proposed protocol The United
States is asked to agree not to occupy
any town. village or camp. and not to
penetrate Mexican territory farther
than may be necessary for actual pur-
suit Of Villa. Furthermore, a pledge
is requested Of immediate retirement
Of foreigners as soon as the expedition
is an admitted success or failure.
The Weston leader. [volume] (Weston, Umatilla County, Or.) 189?-1946, 1916-03-24

~Old Van Geld, the railroad king. IL
quite a democratic sort Of q chap. isn't
her
.sYes, indeed. When he travels he
never thinks OF using special train.
He Just has bis private car hitched on
10 . regular train and travels quite
like one OF the common people"
The Weston leader. [volume] (Weston, Umatilla County, Or.) 189?-1946, 1916-03-24

The vIcar-Hullo! What's all this
Tommy-The funeral OF the mole
father.
The vlcar-But I thought you bur.
led Mr.. Mole last week.
Tommy-Yes. but we dug him up.
cos we've got friends to Passing
Show.
The Weston leader. [volume] (Weston, Umatilla County, Or.) 189?-1946, 1916-03-24

On the Atlantic coast Il is now possi.
BILE TO use q continuous highway from
well up into Maine 10 point below
Washington and from north OF Rich
mond nearly all the way TO the end
Of Florida. In one county OF Virginia
there are two road lengths. the non
completion OF which positively debars
all touring except during the dry per-
iOds OF the summer and fall.
The Weston leader. [volume] (Weston, Umatilla County, Or.) 189?-1946, 1916-03-24
Million Dollar OH Fire Rages.

Tulsa, Okla.-Damage estimated ct
not less than 81, 600, 900 was done in
the oil fields near Drumwright Tues
day night, when . fire starting In 3
pile Of refuse spread 70 the wells. At
midnight 12 wells were burning, ~
derrieks had been destroyed and many
thousand barrels of oil in tanks con
sumed BY the flames Without means
of checking the fire, oilmen feared
that the loss would extend into many
millions Of dollars.
The Weston leader. [volume] (Weston, Umatilla County, Or.) 189?-1946, 1916-03-24

Rave Hs4ithy, ssrsng. Bsaakzfzl Eyes
Ocuiiats and Physicians used Marine Kyo
Remedy many yearu before u wAs cHsred % .
Domestfe Eye Medicine. Mnrine is 6tilI Com-
pounded by Our FAyEleians and g1nrAnseed
BY them as ReIiAbie Relief for Eyes that Need
Care. Try Il In your Eyes and IN BzbT's Kyss-
No smarfing - Jnst Kye Comfast. Bny Mzrine
Of youf Druggist accepe no 9ubGtisnts. and u
interested write fur Book cf the Eye Free.
MURINE EVE REnEEDY co. CHICAGO
The Weston leader. [volume] (Weston, Umatilla County, Or.) 189?-1946, 1916-03-24

Tho man In the next fiat was
pounding on the wall.
Look here" be cried. Il cant sieep
with that hid yelling ike that II
you don't make him stop I will"
rComa right In aald the baby'a
father. "You'il be a. welcome ~ tho
lovers In spring"
The Weston leader. [volume] (Weston, Umatilla County, Or.) 189?-1946, 1916-03-24
Accommodates.

Her Father-The fact is. I can not
give my daughter dowry--just ~
present.
Sultor-That's all right. sir. ] can
love her for herself alone in the mean.
time.--Boston Transcript.
The Weston leader. [volume] (Weston, Umatilla County, Or.) 189?-1946, 1916-03-24

"Sadderman seems 20 be Aiwayp
worrying about something"
Yes; ha IN generally troubled with
three kinda OF trouble a. the nane
tlme-all the trouble he has ever had.
all he has now and all he ever expects
10 have. Puck.
The Weston leader. [volume] (Weston, Umatilla County, Or.) 189?-1946, 1916-03-24
School Candy.

Bobby--won't you give me some
cough drops, auntle?
Apnty-Why you haven't cough.
child.
Bobby-No. but I'm going to school.
and that's the only kind OF candy we
can eat there.-Boston Transcript.
The Weston leader. [volume] (Weston, Umatilla County, Or.) 189?-1946, 1916-03-24

"Somo OF those insenlile court en-
ihusIasts are carrying matters = trifie
far"
"Huhf@
"secm 10 think II would be q good
thing for every boy TO start life under
a suspended sentence" I" - Louisville
courler,Juurnni.
The Weston leader. [volume] (Weston, Umatilla County, Or.) 189?-1946, 1916-03-24
Ilkad thn Fasa

did the new cook come this morn
ing7"
Dropped in at fa."
How do thinga seem 10 suit herr
eWnii. she liked the lunch gave Der
50 well that she has agreed to stay Tor
dinner. "--~L LouIsyiile courleFJournAi
The Weston leader. [volume] (Weston, Umatilla County, Or.) 189?-1946, 1916-03-24
Resors covrsscus.

Il suppose there's nothing doing for
live wire like mo In this AtupId toNn
Of youraY''
well. / don't know. There are mav.
erai live wires like you doing time
here. - baltimore American.
The Weston leader. [volume] (Weston, Umatilla County, Or.) 189?-1946, 1916-03-24
canfuaea.

40 you admire Raphaelf" said the
young woman.
Il should say 30. He's better than
Sherlock Holmes"
Il said Raphael"
Excuse me. ! thought you said
'Raffles. - Washington Star.
The Weston leader. [volume] (Weston, Umatilla County, Or.) 189?-1946, 1916-03-24
patrlots chanoe Thelr MInds.

Patriots can change their minds. too.
Senator william Alden Smith. one OF
the bravest OF the belligerents on the
floor OF the upper house. wired q
young friend who was going TO Europe
that he ought TO sail on neutral ship.
--Pittsburg Dispatch.
The Weston leader. [volume] (Weston, Umatilla County, Or.) 189?-1946, 1916-03-24

Editor Your Jokes are good dops.
old man.
Contributor-Tlat s07
Editor--Yes. they put me to sieeD
twice. California Pelican.
The Weston leader. [volume] (Weston, Umatilla County, Or.) 189?-1946, 1916-03-24
% Hin, Good.

aT've got 10 SIT up with sick friend
tonight" he said.
WELL she ret0rted, 81 hope you
do him good" and from the way she
said it be knew that he hadn't got ky.
Detroit Free Press.
The Weston leader. [volume] (Weston, Umatilla County, Or.) 189?-1946, 1916-03-24
Hla Nafural Rent.

Grubbs-Do you believe that Mr..
Bryan is sincere in his opposition to
preparedness?
Stubbs-C Certainly. He is sincere
In his opposition 70 everything
Richmond TImes.D Dispatch.
The Weston leader. [volume] (Weston, Umatilla County, Or.) 189?-1946, 1916-03-24

i've taken up q course In memor.
izing."
when does the class meet7"
I've forgotten whether It's on Mon
days and Thursdays or Tuesdays and
Fridays"
The Weston leader. [volume] (Weston, Umatilla County, Or.) 189?-1946, 1916-03-24
Won Retf

A book OF jIngles underneath the
bongh.
A little grape juice now and then and
thou
Beside me sitting in the wilderness
Oh. that beats booze q hundredfold. !
vow.
The Weston leader. [volume] (Weston, Umatilla County, Or.) 189?-1946, 1916-03-24
OBLIGED % leave Early.

daughter, your new beau doesn't
remain very late. The last one used
to hang around until the milkman
called"
"Well, you see, dad, this one 10 q
milknaan. louisville courier-Journai
The Weston leader. [volume] (Weston, Umatilla County, Or.) 189?-1946, 1916-03-24

Washington. d. C.-President VIII
son and bis cabinet Tuesday decided 10
accept proposal for protocol be-
tween the United States and the de
facto government Of Mexico for CO.
operation in the pursuit Of General
Villa and hisoutlaws.
The Weston leader. [volume] (Weston, Umatilla County, Or.) 189?-1946, 1916-03-24

my family has . very high de-
SCENT
"Yes. understand It took big tum-
bic. Baltimore American.
The Weston leader. [volume] (Weston, Umatilla County, Or.) 189?-1946, 1916-03-24
Penaitx of careIeaanens.

Mr.. Finbdub--T lost my umbrella to.
day.
Mrs. Flubdub--That's Just like you.
John Henry. told you when yoq left
the house this morning to take one Of
the borrowed ones.--Puck.
The Weston leader. [volume] (Weston, Umatilla County, Or.) 189?-1946, 1916-03-24
unlversIsy Offers Tested rrssa

University offers Tested Treea
During the coming spring the De-
partment OF Forestry win again send
to Idaho citizens limited number OF
tested shade and forest treea approx
imately at the cost OF growing same.
A bulletin giving the site. age and
cost Of each species. as well as the
number which may be sent each per
sou. viii be mailed on request TO c. II.
Shattuck, Moscow, Idaho.
The Weston leader. [volume] (Weston, Umatilla County, Or.) 189?-1946, 1916-03-24
Including Himself.

Wife What do you say 70 taking
baby 70 church with us this mornlngs
Hnb~-No, no: nhe might wake poo.
pic up.--IIoston Transcript.
The Weston leader. [volume] (Weston, Umatilla County, Or.) 189?-1946, 1916-03-24

Wise-pm glad won't be going to
school after this war.
One-Why is that?
Wise--Just think how much more
history there will be to iearn.-Siren-
The Weston leader. [volume] (Weston, Umatilla County, Or.) 189?-1946, 1916-03-24
Fortunes Of War.

First Recruit--what do you think
Of the major. Bllii
Second Recruit-'Es a ehangeable
kind O. bloke. Last night ! says TO
I'm. -Oo goes therer An he says.
Friend an today he hardly knows
me. Punch.
The Weston leader. [volume] (Weston, Umatilla County, Or.) 189?-1946, 1916-03-24

"He was on fire With love whensha
called on her"
well. what happened7"
Tier father put him out."-Iihltb
more American,
The Weston leader. [volume] (Weston, Umatilla County, Or.) 189?-1946, 1916-03-24

his field Of operations had become 50
extended that his main line Of commu-
nieation and the subsidiary lines were
much weaker than they should be.
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1916-06-29
OLD BUT PATRIOTIC.

Himself too old to join the col
ors, and firm in the belief that his
beloved country is threatened with
real danger, an aged but wealthy
fruit grower of Easton, Pa, who
served as a private of Marines un-
der Farragut during the Civil war,
was recently seen tottering along
the streets of New York in quest
of substitute to whom he wanted
to pay a large bounty to take his
place in the ranks of the present
day Marine Corps.
The white haired old warrior,
who refused to divulge his name,
stated it is his belief that every
patriotic man of means, too old to
serve himself, should find sub,
stitute.
"I'll get man to serve in my
place if I have to pay him thou
sand dollars" he told Captain
Frank e. Evans, in charge of the
local Marine Corps recruiting sta
ton. "Uncle Sam needs able-bod
led men these days-not to march
in preparedness parades solely.
think every patriotic citizen SHOULD
aid in getting men to enlist.
served actively in the long ago
but now l must do the next besr
thing and find a man to join thu
ranks in my stead"
The Easton veteran refused th'
aid of regular Marine Corps re
cruiters in his quest for a substi
tute, and expressed the desire t.
"go it alone on his own account.
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1916-06-29
RESOLUTION

Declaring and determining certain in
a1 existing VI valid @ and bindng in ebigatioss
Of said Village and, providing for the
issuance of bonds in the sum of S10.-
10000 for the purpose of refunding
same.
Whereas, The Village of Perrysburg
N Wood County, Ohio, has an outstand-
ing indebtedness in the sum of $1O,0OO.00
Iow matured, and which from it's limits
IF taxation, said Village is unable to
pay at maturity; and
Whereas, 1t appears to the Council OF
said Village for the best interest of
he corporation to issue bonds for the
purpose of extending the time of pay
nent, of said indebtedness; now. there
Resolved BY the Council of the VIII
age of Perrysburg, State of Ohio:
600 90 is. and the same hereby is declared
i00.O 90, and the same hereby is declared
md determined to be an existing. valid
md binding obligation of said Village
Section 2. Be 1t Further Resolved.
chat for the purpose of extending the
ime of payment of said Indebtedness
he bonds of the Village in the sum of
100000. Said issue shall consist of
% bonds of the denomination of S5O0.o0
ach. numbered consecutively from l to
% inclusive, dated August l, 1915, due
md payable on August l, 1886, and bear
interest at the rate of five per cent. per
lnnum, payable semi-annually on the
trst day of February and August in
ach year, the several installments of
interest to be evidenced by coupons at
ached to said bonds, and both principal
md interest shall be payable at the of
ice of the Treasurer of said Village in
'errysburg, Ohio.
Section 3. Said bonds shall be signed
~ the Mayor and Clerk of the Village,
md have affixed thereto the seal of said
Village, and the interest coupons shall
| De signed by said Clerk, or fac simile
# his signature shall be printed or
I autographed thereon.
Section 4. The Mayor and Clerk of
I aid Village are hereby authorized and
directed to, prepare and execute said
bonds, therein pledging the faith, credit,
l revenue and property of said Village for
] he payment of the principal and inter-
ist thereof at maturity, and when exe-
| uted and sold to deliver same to the
/ purchaser thereof.
Section 5. That there shall be levied
md collected annually by taxation upon
/ Ill the taxable property of said Village
l turing the term of said bonds an
| mount sufficient to pay the interest on
aid bonds as 1t accrues and to provide
sinking fund for the final redemption
# said bonds at maturity
Section g., This resolution is hereby
nd same shall take effect and be in
| publication according to law.
Adopted June %, 1915
H. r. ROETHER,
Mayor.
Attest:
JNO. w. LYONS, <
| Clerk OF Council.
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1916-06-29
DRAWING A STAR.
Trying Il This Way Is Said to Be as
Funny as a Circus.

Funny a0 SiTCuss
When your party is not making prog
ress enough to suit you try the follow
ing on them: Take a large sheet of
plain paper and draw a five or six
pointed star on 1t. Have the star
about ten inches wide from point to
point. Then draw another star on the
outside of the first one, so that space
Of about half an inch is left between
the two stars all the way around.
Then provide yourself with a hand
mirror and a book. Place the paper
fat on the table. Put the book end up
on the side of the paper nearest you.
Take the mirror and place 1t on, the
opposite end of the paper. Then look
ing into the mirror you should be able
to see the whole star. Having pro-
vided yourself with pencil, fix it on
a spot inside the two lines of the star
and proceed to draw another star on
the inside the two lines by looking
only at the star through the mirror.
The book is simply used to prevent
your eyes dropping down to the draw
ing itself. If your pencil goes outside
the lines or inside you have lost your
turn.
Try 1t out and see what you can do.
Some say 1t can be done, and others
say 1t can't, but whether it can or
can't has little to do with it; it will fur
nish enough amusement to keep a
crowd convulsed for an hour.-Cleve-
land Dispatch.
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1916-06-29
EXCURSION SEASON OPENS ON
THE GREAT LAKES.

All indications point to a banner
year for pleasure and tourist travel on
the Great Lakes. Even now the travel
is unprecedented, and the G. & b..
Line has taken quick action to care for
this increased patronage by placing
the great ship, "SEEANDBEE," on
the route between Cleveland and Buff
falo much earlier than in previous
years.
The great ship, "SEEANDBEE," is
the largest and most costly passenger
steamer on inland waters Of the world,
and, with her sister ships, the "CITY
OF ERIE" and getty OF BUF.
FALO," provides daily service that is
high classed in all features. Steam
ers leave either city every evening at
500 and arrive at destination at 1880
the next morning (all Eastern Time).
Railroad tickets reading between
Cleveland and Buffalo are accepted for
transportation on all G. & B. Line
steamers, thus giving the traveller op--
portunity to break the monotony of
his rail journey by refreshing nights
trip across Lake Erie on a veritable
floating hotel.
The fares for this lake trip are con-
siderably less than by rail.
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1916-06-29
FLIGHT OF THE ALBATRoss.
Wing Movements That Chance Snap
With a Camera Revealed.

During the voyage of vessel from
British Columbia to San Francisco the
Photographic test was applied to a
long disputed point in natural history.
A large albatross had been following
the steamer and keeping pace with 1t
for several hours. and the wonder grew
among the watchers on board the ship
how the bird was able to fly so swiftly
while apparently keeping its wings ey-
tended without tapping them. AS this
Is common method OF fight with the
albatross, the explanation used to be
offered that the bird took advantage of
slight winds and mir currents. and was
so able to glide upon what might he
called atmospheric slopes.
AS the albatross sailed alongside the
ship. about fifteen feet away, the natu-
fralist snapped his camera at it and OBJ
tanned photograph that astonished
him and his fellow passengers.
The photograph revealed. what no
eye had caught. the wings of the alba.
tross, each some five feet long, in the
act of making Il downward stroke.
The explanation naturally suggested
was that more or less frequently the
bird must have made stroke of this
kind with its wings. although the eye
could not detect the motion, and that
the camera chanced to be snapped at
precisely the right moment.-New York
Post.
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1916-06-29

September 2, 1873. After leaving
school he entered the mechanical de-
partment of The Wood County Demo-
crat as an apprentice and worked his
way to the foremanship of this de-
partment. On September 1, 1911, Mr..
Thomas and Mr.. ID. G.. Van Voornis
purchased The Democrat and since
that time Mr.. Thomas has been in
charge of the plant.
In 1910 Mr.. Thomas was elected
Representative from Wood county,
and was reelected to the same posi-
tion in 1912. He has served as coun-
Gilman in mis- home city, as men,
Der of the city board of equalization,
is a charter member of the Bowl
ing Green Typographical Union. has
served as a member of the executive
board of the Ohio Federation of La
Dor and is now member of the
Democratic central committee from
the Second ward Of Bowling Green,
chairman OF the Wood county execu-
tive committee and member of the
Democratic state central committee
from the thirteenth congressional dis
trict.
Mr.. Thomas has always proved a
strong candidate and the Democrats
of the 33d senatorial district will
make no mistake in nominating him
for senator at the primaries on Au.
gust Sth.
Advertisement.
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1916-06-29
The Limit In PoIiteness.

A certain professor is unusually cour
teous, both In and out of the classroom
One day he made bonfire in his bach
garden. The flames. creeping rapids
through the, dry stubble. frightened
him, and he believed his house was II
imminent danger. So he ran wildl,
down the street. crying at the top o.
his voice:
Help! Fire! Fire! Help"
And then. as If thinking himself to'
abrupt and urgent. he politely added
SO his neighbors say:
"That is, all those who can cOnven
ientiy do so."-New York Times
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1916-06-29
What la Good Watsr2

Good water is colorless, clear, free
from suspended matter, of brilliant lus-
ter and free from smell or taste. Bad
water may sometimes meet all these
specifications and yet be full Of germs.
Rainwater is good; so is water from
clear ice or from springs, lakes, large
rivers and streams in uninhabited dis
tricts. Rainwater from polluted sur.
faces is bad; so is the water from snow
ice, small ponds, streams and wells in
inhabited places. Marsh water is bad,
and streams below towns are almost
certainly full of germs and sewage
Outing.
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1916-06-29
The Three Scutaris.

BY this time we should all know
enough about the near east not to con
found the various Scutaris-the one IL
Albania. the one opposite Constantine
pie and the one In southern Greece. II
is curious that each name comes from
different original form. TheAGreek
Scutari is otherwise Scatari; the AL
banian one is the Illyrian Scodra. and
the Asiatic one is the Turkish Uskudar
This last means a courier carrying
royal orders from station to station and
commentaries the fact that this place
the ancient Chrysopolis. or City o!
Gold, was the starting point of thu
Asiatic couriers.-Youth's Companion.