davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1916-07-21
Loses Faith in Forecaster.

A prominent woman living at Evans
vile has lost faith in the United
States weather bureau, remarks the
News. Recently this
woman bought a new hat for which
she paid a fancy price. The day af-
ter the hat was delivered she wished
to GO to the ball game, and in order to
be on the safe side she rang up the
local weather bureau to see whether
it was going to rain that afternoon.
She told the observer that she had a
new hat, but if he thought it was go.
ing to rain she would wear her old one
to the ball game. The weather man
told her he was sure it was not going
to rain, and that she would be per-
fectly safe in wearing her new hat.
She took his advice, and it rained in
torrents and her new hat was ruined.
She has been using a good many ad.
jectives since then in expressing hea
opinion of the weather man.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1916-07-21
REMARK MUST HAVE sTUNG.
English "sIackers" Got What They
Deserved, From Waitress of the
Little Restaurant.

They may have, been medically unfit,
but certainly they didn't look it, or
perhaps they were conscientious objec-
tors. In. any case they wore neither
armlets nor war badges. They were
busily chatting the waitress Of the
little restaurant, says London An
swers.
you'll have to hurry up, or you
won't be married by next Christmas"
said one young Hercules. with grin.
christmas will soon be here, you
know"
81 wish next Christmas were here,
said the girl sadly, "then perhaps this
terrible war would be over"
"Don't say that cried another, who
was evidently doing well in the alb
sence of better men. "When the wars
over we'll all be out Of work"
"Can't help your troubles" retorted
the girl. Then she continued, with
suspicious sweetness. "You needn't
worry about that. After the wars
over you can all join the army, you
know"
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1916-07-21

to me at times.o Lydia E. Pinkham's
Vegetable Compound and Liver Pills re-
stored me to health and I want to thalk
you for the good they have done me. !
have had quite bit Of trouble and
worry but it does not affect my youth
full looks. My friends say Why do you
look so young and well?' ! owe it all
to the Lydia E. Pinkham remedies. "
Mrs. RoBT. SToPIEL, Moore Avenue
Washington Park, Illinois.
We wish every woman who suffers
from female troubles, nervousness,
backache or the blues could see the Lett
tiers written by women made well by Ly-
dia E. Pinkham's Vegetable Compound.
If you have any symptom about which
you would like to know write to the
Lydia E. Pinkham Medicine Co., Lynn,
Mass, for helpful advice given free Of
charge.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1916-07-21
sHREWD DEAL IN FINANCE
Scheme Engineered by British Han
dIers of the Budget Has Called
Forth Some Admiration.

This war is making new precedentS
Of many kinds. The financial prece-
dents are startling both in magnitude
and in character. War debts and war
cost have reached proportions away
beyond human comprehension, but Eng
lands method of selling her own loans
is not only comprehended but must be
greatly admired. The United States
will not buy enough French and Eng
lish bonds to pay for the supplies
which those countries purchased here.
The United States will, however, buy
an unlimited amount of the stocks and
bonds of its, own corporations which
are owned in Europe. British brains
evolved a way to buy these American
supplies and to pay for them with
American dollars.
Parliament has compelled British IN
vestOrs to turn over their American
securities, taking new British loans IN
payment. These American securities
are being sold as rapidly as possible
in the United States, and the proceeds
in dollars are used to pay for war sup
plies. Never before did any nation
mobilize in this fashion the individuals
ly-owned stocks and bonds Of its peo-
pie and compel them to exchange them
for its own loans. 1t is good business
for the British government, and 1t is
also good business for the United
States, which gets back its own securi-
ties at moderate prices with the pro-
ceeds of it's unexampled sales OF mate
rails at sky-high prices. But only time
can tell If this is likewise a good thing
for the individual British investor. At
any rate, he has the satisfaction or
knowing that when he sells his Ameri-
can stocks and bonds he gets in ex-
change a lien upon his empire, for
whose safety 100000 men have shout
dered arms. Philadelphia Public Led
ger.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1916-07-21
ALARM THAT WAS NEEDLESS
Mothers Of Soldier Boys Exercised
Themselves Without Cause Over
Subject Of Food Supplies.

The days Of waiting for the word to
move around the Seventh regiment ar
mory at New York were touched with
the pathos and humor which accom-
pany high-tenSion times. On the eve
Of entraining when the mothers had
begged and wheedled in vain for adj
mission at the front door of the
armory, they f1ocked to the Lexington
avenue side, the back door, Here they
surged at full tide.
AS a heavy truck backed up they
shifted the strong odor Of coffee. The
wagon was piled with sacks of it. One
of the mothers turned a sorrowful face
to her companion.
"What Everyone of those bags full
of coffee?" she asked. "Oh, dear! Cot
fee makes Alfred so nervous he can't
sleep a wink" q
Then came an enormous bread wag-
on following the coffee load into the
dark armory. The smell of newly
baked bread foated through the over
wrought group.
GAIL that fresh bread?" queried an
other mother. "You mean warm bread,
just out of the oven? Well, can see
where Herbert is sick right away. If
there is one thing he can't eat it is
new bread"
She borrowed a pencil. The mes
sage on the card to be relayed to the
soldier by the door guard read: Her
bert, don't let me hear Of your eating
any Of this warm, fresh bread. You
know you will be ILL.,"
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1916-07-21
Tommy's Mascots.


In his personal story of life in the
British trenches in France, in the
Worlds Work, William J. Robinson
tells the following story Of his "side
partner"
my mate begins to grumble about
the weight of his pack, but he has
nothing to say against the ten-pound
dog he has picked up and is carrying
under one arm. First it was canary
he picked up In ruined house in
Ypres. He carried that cage every
where he went for six weeks, until he
found a chap who was going on leave,
and he got him to deliver the bird to
his tmissus.' Then it was goat.
Where he got it, heaven only knows,
but he named it tLeviticus,' and was
ready to fight any man who had a
word to say against his pet. The fell
lows stood for the goat as long as
they could, but finally Ieviticus'
turned up missing, and Harry. my
mate, was going around with his fists
doubled up and blood in his eye for
some time. IF I ever find the bleeder
wot pinched my mascot, i'm an me is
goin' to ave 'eart-to-'eart talk wOt'll
put i'm in a old woman's 'ome for the
rest of is bleedin' life.' However, his
grief soon cooled. and now his affec-
tons are all wrapped up in dirty
little mongrel he calls Fritz Fritz
gets the best Of all That is going, and
Harry would starve himself rather
than to see the object of his affec-
tons want for single thing"
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1916-07-21
Anatomy From Experience.

The former big league baseball man.
ager, who had been canned because
the team finished last as usual, was
taking civil service examination in
order to secure political job. He
was amazed at the list of fool sQues-
tons on the examination paper. He
didn't know the distance from the
earth to the moon, so he passed that
one up. And he could not describe a
syzygy, so he called that tesla loser.
But the third question interested him.
1t said:
"Name the largest bone in the hui
man frame"
And with a grin of confidence the
former manager wrote this answer:
'sThe head"-Cincinnat Enquirer.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1916-07-21
FOR BABY RASHES
cuticura Soap Is Best Because So
Soothing and Cooling. Trial Free.

IF baby is troubled with rashes, &c
zemas, itchings, chafngs or hot, irri-
tated skin follow Cuticura Soap bath
with light application Of Cuticura ONT
ment to the affected part. Nothing SO
soothing, cooling and refreshing when
he is fretful and sleepless.
Free sample each by mail with Book.
Address postcard, Cuticura, Dept. L.
Boston. Sold everywhere.-Adv.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1916-07-21
OF Course NotI

] A somewhat befuddled individual,
who evidently had been lunching q
trifle too freely, climbed on board the
car with difficulty.
'What's the matter?" he asked,
mildly, as he observed the conductors
impotence.
saint this car the one I want?"
Elbow do know whether it is or
not?'' growled the conductor.
"Oh, you must have known it, or
you wouldn't have stopped to let me
catch it. said the befuddled one.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1916-07-21
ALL SORTS

OF English invention is a
watch so mounted in a case that
it can be tilted and laid on a ta-
bic with the dial in an almost
vertical position.
Early in the present year an
order for 13O,OOO,OOO pounds Of
copper was placed with Ameri-
can brokers on behalf Of the al
lied nations in Europe.
Replies to the Methodist Tenn
perance society's query show
that the 482 daily papers in this
country declining liquor adver-
tisements in February, 1915, had
in February of this year in
/ creased to $40.
Robert 81. Ramsey of German
town, Pa, has spent is years
composing a chess problem.
Many years ago he undertook to
construct four-move study
called "Ramsey's Cage" and
finally has realized his ambition.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1916-07-21

Tered Win female
trouble, backache,
nervous spells and
the blues. My chill
dren's loud talking
and ronping would
make me SO nervous
/ could just tear
everything to pieces
and I would ache all
over and feel so sick
that I would not
want anyone to talk
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1916-07-21

Suffer with rheumatism or Neurisis, acute or
chronic, write for my FREE BOOK on Rheuma-
tism-Its Cause and Cure. Most wonderful book
ever written, it's absolutely FREE. Jesse A.
Case, Dept. G. W. Brockton. Mass.-Adv.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1916-07-21

Man is so constituted that he will
30 more bowling about a sore toe than
over a stricken Toledo
Blade.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1916-07-21
Human Nature.

"Why that hospital is so popular
beats me. It hasn't the best system,
and it certainly hasn't the most sue
cessful doctors"
"But it has the prettiest nurses"
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1916-07-21
Disappointed.

Bacon-Don't you think this is very
disappointing weather?
Egbert-I certainly do. / see your
hens over in our yard every day, and
we haven't planted a seed yet.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1916-07-21
Kindly Explained.

He-Here Jones and I started In
business together. and he has retired
while am still In harness.
She-But then Jones isn't q mule.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1916-07-21


Blue sky in your soul will keep the
blue devils out of your head.
Men are brave because it is impossi-
bic for them to turn tail like their pre-
historic ancestors.
II you wish to be envied by your
neighbors, pretend to know whole
lot Of spicy secrets.
The Horse Traders convention
passed resolutions that it is wrong to
lie about dead horse.
The true reformer receives brickbat
bouquets in life, while the fake re-
former secures the politicians ding
bats.
The man who cannot sing may have
beautiful music caked in his soul In
such large globules that he can't roll
them out.
When the chocolate-colored coon
and the calico-colored possum lie
down together, chocolate will be the
only visible color.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1916-07-21

The belief that he will come back
is one Of the ,delusions Of the down
and out.-Nashville Banner.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1916-07-21

It's all mistake about women not
being able to take joke. Just lamp
some of the things they marry.-Co-
Nmbus State.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1916-07-21

The only thing many a man has
done in the past is to dream Of the
future.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1916-07-21

War and Necessity.
Assuming an air of sage Importance,
the fat plumber ejuaculated:
"War is necessity"
"Poh How do you make that out?"
demanded the thin carpenter, depre-
catingly.
"Did you read that Edison is going
to devote his energies to American
protective measures in time of WARP"
Eyes. What of it?"
"That proves my contention"
"HowY
':War makes invention necessary,
doesn't it?"
II suppose SO.
"And necessity is the mother Of in
vention."
'sHuhi"
"Eherefore, war and necessity are
synonymous"
The thin carpenter is still thinking
it over-Youngstown Telegram.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1916-07-21

If Ananias could come back to earth
and take look at some of his mod
ern disciples he'd feel like piker.-
Memphis Commercial Appeal.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1916-07-21

If women have no one else to tell a
secret to they telephone.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1916-07-21

Drivers Of delivery wagons are al
ways there with the goods.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1916-07-21

It's all right to have plenty Of go,
but a man should also have some stay
Ing qualities.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1916-07-21

The vacuum cleaner ought to work
well on many heads we have seen.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1916-07-21
~Thirty-Nine; Going on Fifty"

= HtrCy"INIHSS GOiuS Ott EuSys
Elbow old are your"
Charles Pettijohn, lawyer, was
questioning a woman client, seemingly
fifty or more.
'"Thirty-nine."
"Speak right up" urged PettijOhn
as the woman answered in low tone.
''You need not be ashamed OF the
questions"
'"Thirty-nine," reiterated the woman.
in the same tone. >
"What did you sayY
"Thirty-nine, going on fifty. "-1nr
dianapolis Star.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1916-07-21
Save the Babies.

INFANT MORTALITY something hardly realize that
Of all the children born in civilized countries per cent
before they
than Onethrd before they are i've and oneah before
they are fteenl
hesitate that timely Of Caoria would save
Neither hesitate
these nte deaths Ocoaned BY the use Of narcotic
opium morphine They in considerable quantities
CONCESSIONS sickness death Casa operates exactly me reV n9e
causes blood circulate opens the
pores of the skin and allays fever M <LZGl4-A
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1916-07-21
WISE AND OTHERWISE

Heaven never helps the man who is
a victim of that tired feeling.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1916-07-21

10 Lydia E. Pinkham's Ves-
:. etabIe Compound.

Washington Park, It'll am the
mother of four children and have suf-
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1916-07-21
HITS FROM SHARP WITS

Who doesn't expect gratitude for
kindnesses done averts disappoint-
ment.-Albany Journal.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1916-07-21

We sometimes wish the fellow who
knows 1t all would forget some Of it.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1916-07-21

If every dog had his day there
wouldn't be anything but dog days.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1916-07-21

It's a pity that poets can't live on
food for reflection.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1916-07-21

Unfortunately the people who are
satisfied with themselves are seldom
satisfied with anything else.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1916-07-21
THE GENTLE CYNIC

A woman's way is generally the 9th
er way.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1916-07-21
JUST ABOUT WOMEN

A woman will have her way-if It's
only a secondhand way.
A woman would rather break ten
dollar bill than ten-cent dish.
A widows mite is spelled might
when she makes up her mind to marry
again.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1916-07-21

A good talker knows when to start
what to say and when to stop.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1916-07-21

Blue sky in your soul will keep the
blue devils out of your head.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1916-07-21
LITTLE LAUGHS

In We ancient times armor was worn
over knight.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1916-07-21
oriainal Elsewhere.

Original Elsewhere.
Sapleigh off a weaIly
clevah thing lawst evening.
Miss Cuttings it possible!
Sapleigh-Yaws. wead it in q pa
pah first, doncher know.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1916-07-21

A pound of common sense to each
ounce Of learning is about right.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1916-07-21
HOMEMADE PHILOSOPHY

The gasser and the guesser are not
In 1t with the silent worker.
The mirror. (Stillwater, Minn.) 1894-1925, 1916-08-10

but to take a chance on a flying
leap or stay where we were until
brushed off by the timbers of the
snowshed, the porter appeared and
opened the door and, needless to
say, we lost no time in entering the
zone of safety. If we we're fiction
izing now would be a good place
to produce an added thrill by hav-
ing the snowshed envelop US in it's
hungry embrace just as we gained
the safety of the vestibule; but
such was not the case, for however
imminent the danger appeared to
us while we were clinging to the
outside of the car, there remained
yet good half-mile of clear track
between us and the snowshed. We
felt somewhat crestfallen at first,
but upon being informed by the
porter that this was a frequent
occurrence we felt less foolish.
Gliding swiftly and smoothly
down the western slope we arrived
at Ogden, at which place we had a
four hour interval between trains
in which to dine and tour the city.
Here we for the first time in our
life dined at a japanese restaurant.
So we'll pleased were we with the
cooking and service in general that
we have at every opportunity
since bestowed upon our stomach
like treat. There is not much
worthy Of mention at Ogden,
therefore we were we'll pleased
when few hours later we boarded
the Rio Grande Western train for
Salt Lake City; for this point and
Pixies Peak and Yellowstone Park
had held the principal place in our
mind when outlining our present
trip.-(Continued next weekly
The mirror. (Stillwater, Minn.) 1894-1925, 1916-08-10

lesson at that time so clearly
demonstrated to us found more
sure rootage. we today would be
enjoying real vacation instead of
a paper trip.
But we dare not pause to phi
losophize, for our train is still
moving westward and we are not
yet aboard. Now we are alongside
(also ON the wrong side) of the
solid vestibuled train of thirteen
cars Cup to that time we had not
been given to superstition, but
now any proposition bearing even
the most distant relationship to
thirteen must come we'll recon-
mended. have gilt-edged creden-
tials and, also, furnish a bonded
guarantee that it has no kick"
concealed about it's person, else we
will bestow upon it a frigid stare
and pass it by-and up-with
naughty indifference). But here
comes our chance to board the
train, the last car but one is just
abreast of us, the same being our
last chance to get on, for the steps
of the rear car are already over
populated; so, running alongside
the train to gain momentum, we
finally grasped the hand-rail, took
two or three uncertain steps, a
certain lupge and-were aboard.
But when we endeavored to
open the trap of the vestibule-a a
feat that we in our overweening
confidence of the gentleness and
tractibility of passenger cars in
The mirror. (Stillwater, Minn.) 1894-1925, 1916-08-10

regard for grace of movement or
dignity of bearing, we began an
immediate and concerted trainward
movement: but when score or
more persons essay a flank move
ment on a receding train, it is
glaringly apparent that someone
is going to be outfanked. Hence,
acting upon a sudden and happy(O
impulse, we let the needless strag-
glers sway their uncertain way
around the rear of the train, while
we, registering a smile of satisfac-
ton that would, if caught upon a
movie film, have won for us the
plaudits of a pleasure-loving audi
ence, took the short and what ap-
peared to be the easy way of again
becoming passenger; but here
we were quickly made to recog-
nize the fact that short cuts to
a coveted goal are not always the
surest. neither are they the safest.
But lesson so quickly and easily
learned, is oftentimes just as easily
forgotten. Had the moral of the
The mirror. (Stillwater, Minn.) 1894-1925, 1916-08-10

general and of Pullmans in par
ticular, had thot would be ex-
tremely simple-we found ourself
imprisoned on the wrong side of
the door. Strange, isn't it, that
circumstances so altar cases?
There the wrong side of the door
was the outside, while here the
wrong side Gin the inmates esti-
mation) is the inside. We at once
began to question as to whether
we would be able to hold on to the
outside of the coach until we
reached the next stop, which
would be anywhere from twenty
to forty miles down the western
slope, when, glancing down the
track, we saw about a mile distant
snOwshed whose black opening
seemed to us to be the very por-
tails of death. Vigorously we be-
gan to belabor the door in a deter
mined effort to make Ourself heard
above the ever-increasing roar of
the train. Just when we thot
there was no other recourse for us
The mirror. (Stillwater, Minn.) 1894-1925, 1916-08-10

If man is on first or second and
should start to steal the base ahead
and fly should be hit which is
caught, the runner must touch the
base he passes on his way back to
the base he started from or he
would be declared out. In other
words. he must not cut across the
diamond. He is out the moment
he fails to touch any base should
he be compelled to return on a fly.
The mirror. (Stillwater, Minn.) 1894-1925, 1916-08-10
M. S. P.'S Shut Out McCIe|Ian's
In Fast and Well Played Game
With Few Errors
By Boobies

Thompson fouled out to Wag. No
runs.
Page singled. Lee singled and
Page went to third. Then Lee
purpOsely got caught between first
and second while Page capered
home with the first score. Lee
finally out-maneuvered his pur-
suers and roasted on second, going
to third on a block ball. Will
slammed an infeld hit scoring Lee.
Brad drew a base on balls, but was
forced at second on Dela's groun-
der to Arnold, viii scoring on the
play. Wag out, Dorey to Bon
nevuer. Fan struck out. Three
runs.
S1xTH:-Zolousky out, Brad to
Viii. Telford flied out to Fan.
Dorey famed. No runs.
Lew out, Arnold to Bonnevuer.
Shields grounded to Bonnevuer
unassisted. Page hit by pitched
ball. Lee singled to right. Will
singled and Page scored. Brad
famed. One run.
acknowledgements out, Brad
to Will. Arnold singled and stole
second. Wilcox out, Lee to Viii.
Paulson out, Page to Will. No
runs.
Della retired on strikes. Wag
out, Telford to Bonnevuer. Fan
struck out. No runs.
EIGHTH:-Dahl grounded to
Viii, unassisted. Thompson flied
to Fan. Zolousky struck out. No
runs.
Olson pitching retired the side
on strikes-Lew, Shields and Page
falling victims to his baflers. No
runs.
NINTH:-Telfocd popped to Viii.
Dorey fouled out to Lee. Bon
nevuer out, Lee to Viii. No runs.
THE SCORE
Mcclellan Panar %