The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-12-10

Willcox-what about New Jersey? McCormick-Hush, hush, we will talk Of other things.
 Willcox-Well. how about Indiana? McCormick-we saved Tom Marshall out of that wreck.
 Willcox-That's so He was running, wasn't he? I wonder what went wrong in Kansas.
 Kansas-I can tell you. Two-doIlar wheat, $10 hogs automobiles and player pianos.
 Willcox-Do you think he kept you out of war?
 Kansas-I dunno. But somebody got us out of debt.
 The national chairmen continued to comment referring to the suffragists, Henry Ford and the lonesome "Demon Rum' who had just been thrown out of several more states. The Demon Rum sang pathetic song depicting the hope less future for "Demon Rum and his Rumny Crow" when the follies closed with the following:
 McCormick-It's funny, isn't it? Willcox-What's funny? If anything s funny tell it to me. I need laugh. McCormick-It funny how the world keeps going around, no matter what happens.
 Willcox-Yes, but 1t will move very slowly for the next four years
 * * x
  Next came a vaudeville sketch, the scene a theatrical booking office, with Roosevelt and Bryan, as "the Criss-Cr twins,'' Senator Lewis, Colonel George Harvey and the other national figures applying for engagements. Roosevelt and Bryan were first tried out. T. R--The victoria Cross I'd greatly
 prize;
 The Iron Cross do despise;
 But if I can't the hero be.
 Some medals of my own you'll
 see
 They'll get the double cross
 from me. Bryan-They got the cross of gold from
 me;
 The Nobel Prize I've hoped to see.
 Now, humbly. bearing my cross
 To say. "You shall not cruelty
 the bum
 Upon the cursed cross of rum.'' T. R.-Say, Willie, what is the differ ence between what you intend to do to the democratic party and what I have done to the republican party? Bryan-Well Teddy, what is the differ ence?
 T. R.-You intend to make the demo- cratic party dry and have made the republican party sweat.
 When T. R. and Bryan had been or dered out of the booking office Senator Lewis of Illinois, whip of the Senate. ap- peared and recited a long series of verses, of which the following are typical: Who guides unruly Senate bucks, And keeps the party on it's trucks Who is, in short, the whip de luxe?
 Jim Ham. Who followed Hughes upon the trail, And tied tin can to his tail; And put the "din'' in dinner pail?
 Jim Ham. Who is the White House blushing pet, The truly only, one best bet. Of the democratic smartest set?
 Jim Ham. Col. George Harvey, who predicted the election of Hughes by a large majority, next appeared and was chided by the vaudeville agent. Harvey said he was a lightning calculator, and that he had pre- 6icted the first nomination and election of a "certain professor in New Jersey" Harvey-Moreover, four years ago, calculated exactly what electoral votes Agent Wonderful. Have you done any of the same kind of calculating lately? Harvey truculently)-If you are going to be personal I'll not stay here and stand for it I don't think I want a job from you. anyway. The North American Review is good enough vaudeville for me Good day
 Another travesty entitled, the "Ghost Skit," was cast in "Spook Court with a court sitting in judgment on the astral spirits of aspirants for positions in the new cabinet. Spirits of Secretary of Com merce Redfield, Henry Ford, Postmaster General Burleson. Colonel House. Secre- tary Tumulty, Vance Mccormick, Frank L. Polk, counsellor to the state depart ment, and others appeared, all to be re-
  nouncer heralded the spirit of Henry Ford, the astral body of the Michigan manufacturer arrived, "rattling lot oi tin cans.''
 Chief Judge-The music is familiar What seek you, MT. Ford?