davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1916-12-17

had to pay his little old weekly per cent, just
the same. And if passed up this wife, I'll bet
they'd make me pay her alimony."
| was sorry for him, he was so tragic about
it. But I had to have chaperon; it's the
accepted way to go husband hunting. And
wanted to get the masculine point of view, too,
for, of course, intended to put him into the
story-though I did not mention that till on
the way home
At last The Pirate succumbed to the charm
of an advertisement pointed out, where 1.-TWO
European ladies, mother 80, daughter D. Prot
estants, money without stint, wish to marry two
gentlemen of affairs, irreproachable character,
and whose name is a household word in the
community where they belong.-No. 54Ol4'
The prospect of reading, even in an advertise
ment, that his name was a household word,
won him completely. ! was the one who was
visited with a tardy qualm at the door of 385
West End Avenue.
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1916-12-17

| pass over the painful discussion that fo'
lowed. during which The Pirate conjured me to
remember my family out West, and the excel
lent reputation it had always borne, and told
him that his ideas were hopelessly rural, and l
doubted his ability to keep pace with the busi-
ness methods of big city. The worst moment
of all was when broke it to him that not only
was I looking for husband but that he was
looking for a wife, also. He was most dis
agreeable about it.
'I'd have to put in an advertisement, you
see" tried TO explain, "and this way we can
put both our needs in the same paragraph, and
save money"
"But don't want any wife" The Pirate
moaned. as many another man has done when
he became aware that matrimony was about tc
overtake MIN.
What of that" | asked, airy. Surely you
don't expect to have everything in life happen
Just the way you want it. And, anyhow, you
don't have to marry her"
Zone of the fellows at the Office enrolled at
the employment agency for job, and then told
them he didn't want it, for he'd found work,
on his own hook" said The Pirate. "But he
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1916-12-17

stopped, for the brisk man wasn't paying
the slightest attention to me. He was eying
The Pirate with enthusiasm and saying that
he was sure there would be no trouble at all in
fitting him out.
please show us few samples of each,' |
commanded, for hadn't any intention of being
left out of the conversation. 1t was my party,
in the first place
But the husband-cerk explained that they
didn't carry any in stock. Their pictures, oh,
certainly, of course, thosei But the first thing
TO be done was to advise Monsieur and Madame.
he added, rubbing his hands together more
briskly than before. But he had to put it into
plain English before we got it.
"The fee for advice is a mere nominal one OF
one dollar" he reproached.
But I thought the dollar was for husband
or a wife" objected. ado you mean to say
we pay whole dollar just for advice? It's per-
fectly ridiculous to charge for advice about
getting married. 1t isn't done Everybody in
the world gives you advice about that for
nothing"
"Your friends perhaps, but said the
brisk man.
Everybody" ! insisted. Your aunts and
YOUR forty-third cousins and the woman across
the street. and the woman who brings home the
laundry, and the man you sit next on the ferry.
Scads of advice about matrmony. I've got
enough on hand to last for three ifetimes, and
if you think I'm going to pay out another dol
lar for
"Oh, for goodness sakes" muttered The
Pirate getting red behind his ears. That's an
other thing about men. Even in antique shops
or Division Street clothing stores, where the
shopkeeper would be mortified and dstrustfu
of your character if you didn't ask for half off,
man avoids the subject of price as if it were
something demoralizing, or, anyhow not quite
delicate.
Does guarantee go with this?" asked, as
we paid out our dollars.
"A guarantee of advice" answered the brisk
one.
"But you don't agree to get us husband or
wife or the dollar back" demanded.
But that would be impossible, miss" he
said with an impressive upward shrug of his
hands "Such matters are in the hand OF
Providence"
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1916-12-17
Wives, Ii Seems, Come Much
Cheaper Than Husbands

Eve are tired of leaving it to Providence |
explained. That's why we're here"
About Monsieur, here, there will be no
trouble" consoled the marriage vender. 81
have in mind at least score of wives for hun.
Il think that is probably too many muir
INJURED The Pirate, with his eyes popping out OF
his head.
He might have to get more advice FIRST
though, he was told. Advice money was the
only reward Except that of an approving con-
scence) the marriage vender got in return for
his time, his railroad fare. his postage, his
hotel bills his introductions. He shook his
head over the laws controlling marriage brok-
erage contracts and quoted, sadly
a marriage contract, by which one person
agrees to pay another consideration if he will
procure an advantageous marriage for him, or
pay another for services TO be rendered in pro-
curing wife for him, is void. Money paid
under such contract may be recovered
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1916-12-17
Fine Opportunity Awaits a
"POiShed Gentleman"

Monsieur is still young" he unused, taking
stock of The Pirate. Would nineteen be about
the age?"
The Pirate grinned, and said that nineteen
would do nicely confessed to preference for
blondes with dmpes, and admitted that $780,
900 would be a sufficient recompense for hav-
ing to remember to come home to dinner.
"Of course, there are many who have more
money than that" the brisk gentleman men,
toned. Here is one with 100000, and she is
only thirty-fve. And here is one but forty-five.
with half a million, who wishes to marry
polished gentleman"
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1916-12-17
Men Customers Prefer
Ready-Made Wives

Il think it's time we looked the husbands
over" | said, for thought The Pirate had had
too much attention.
THAT isn't-er-so easy" said the marriage
vender, while glared at him and The Pirate
grinned the way he used to when he was ten
years old and trying TO show the place where
his wisdom teeth would be when he grew up.
He explained Immediately that there was
nothing at all personal about it. 1t merely
happened that most of his men customers pre-
ferred that line of ready-made wives that is
accompanied by bonus. (The word is my
own the marriage vender put it more tactfully
by asking what sum wished to mention IN my
ADVERTISEMENT
'You mean that can't get married without
money!" | demanded, determined TO know the
worst.
The brisk man didn't at all like my way Of
putting it. No. no, he said. There was one
farmer-see!- land one gentleman who said
that nationality did not make any difference,
and doubtless a number OF others on the free
list And also many of the requirements were
oh, very moderate indeed
There was a mlkman, for instance, seeking
a lady with s5,000-just as if the milkmen
didn't have money enough! Or, if couldn't
afford that, there was butcher for $4,000?
poet came at $4,000; but / have always heard
that the wives Of geniuses have an awful time.
There was an optometrist, also at $4,000, who
appealed to me greatly, because I didn't know
until looked it up later what an optometrist
was. Think what thrill there would be in not
knowing what your husband was doing. or
course lots of women don't, but they don't
know that they don't know, which takes away
half the fun.
A poolroom owner was ready TO marry a
lady without children" but with $4,000
baron wanted a woman of wealth. And that's
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1916-12-17
Odd Lots and Remnant Sale?
No. Nothing of the Sort

Marriage is a solemn step let's 60 to the
movies" suggested. But The Pirate wouldn't
hear TO giving the project up.
"WeIl take our new husband and wife along
to the movies with US" he said. Lets make
it party
I've had at least two great disappointments
in life. The first one came when ! entered
pawnshop for the initial occasion, and looked
around for the double-bent, snarng, pig-eyed
sort of a proprietor you meet in Dickens, to find
a nice looking man in a gray tweed coat. The
greater blow came when | arrived at 3S5 West
End Avenue, expecting to find husbands ar
ranged in the neat and expeditions style of the
department stores, on basement tables, accord
ing to the price, the $500 ones on one table,
with the odd lots; the $4,000 ones on another,
and so on up to the counts. For what | saw
was only an up-to-date business office that made
you think of stenographers and office boys and
everyday things like that.
A man came toward US, rubbing his hands
brskly. You got the impression that the mat
rimonial business was so rushing that it was
shame for you to take his time.
"You had an appointment" he asked.
We had never dreamed that it would DC nec-
cssary. The Pirate looked at his watch.
"Was it for o'clock" he asked, putting the
burden of the prevarication upon woman,
which is thing that men almost invariably do.
Are we late?' asked anxiously.
Not at ALL" said the brisk man, politely.
Your names?"
This is my sister" The Pirate explained.
hastily. my name is Jennings, and hers is
cr-Bryan. She is my half sister, he added
hastily. But it didn't matter at all, for the
brisk man looked in his appointment book and
said "Ah, yes: o'clock was right"
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1916-12-17
STYLES in Husbands Are About
fine Same as Usual

And the funny thing about it all IS that the
seasons styles in husbands haven't changed
bit. They are still cut on the personal bias,
lust as they always were, we learned at the
Matrimonial Offices. Instead of asking for a
bonus. every woman merely wants "a con-
scientious gentleman" O.. "a loving compan-
ion. or. "a respectable young man." 1t is true,
did hear one yellow-haired girl pleading for
head waiter. but I feel sure that 1t was the
pride of place and not the tips that she was
thinking of.
I'd been reading chance copy of 1.-The Mat
rimonial News" and bordering over the high
cost of husbands and the hardy perennial SEN
dment Of romantic womankind, when The
Pirate followed a telephone announcement of
himself upstairs. We used to play together
ong before the days when at ten years old he
-sp of to be a pirate and was gone all after
noon. and got a spanking and title for his
pains. so feel quite justified in asking him to
DO disagreeable things.
I'm looking for d husband" said, as soon
as opened the door.
lie looked uneasy, and fastened to reassure
MIN.
Not you.7 soothed. ''No. indeed. I've
known you too long. And too well. Much too
we'll"
Did ask he began, in a tone of UNI
orage.
You didn't I admitted, "but if | waited
for you 20 propose first, very likely Id never
have the pleasure Of rejecting you. About this
husband business-I'm not going to bother you
a bit
That's good" said The Pirate, ungraciously
Hardly a bit, anyhow" ] amended. "Al
want you n do is to take me around to the
Matrimonial Offices at $50 West End Avenue"
Matrimonial agency" shouted The Pirate.
Are yru craly"'
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1916-12-17
TAKING A Filler IN MATRIMONY PREFERRED

Lets have a squirt at her. said Inc Pirate.
"She must have forgotten to inclose her pict-
ure," regretted the marriage vender. But
should be glad 10 accompany you. IN person, 70
make the introduction"
He went on to offer The Pirate everything
from a stenographer TO an editors widow, IRON,
a saleslady to Jewish woman with 100000
in cash." from o Russian cook to girl whose
dowry included a sawnnl. All OF them brought
money with them. in varying degrees, and mono
of them demanded anything more than "fond
love" or perfect responsibility" OF true re-
fnement' in return.
The marriage vender said that he conducted
his trade with great discretion and convention
atty, and think he spoke the truth. No id
dresses are ever disclosed, for instance And
his discretion was no doubt the reason why he
was reluctant to display photographs in 50
many instances Only those able TO present
references are accepted as candidates, il may
be mentioned.
II had no idea so many women wanted TO
marry me-" The Pirate said, swelling out his
chest, and apparently hestating between an
orphan of unlimited wealth. who admitted that
she was comely, and Swedish cook, aged
twenty-seven. Out West most cooks
Swedish, and it is The Pirates contention that
those only have eaten who have tasted their
dinners.
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1916-12-17

He became cheerful, forgetting his own woes.
As he assured The Pirate that there were wives
waiting for him all the way from near the main
railroad station in Berlin to the furtherest COR
ner of The Bronx. They all had money and
charm, some of them were beautiful, and all Of
them appreciated the fact that masculine afec-
tion carried to the nth power of matrimony
was at a decided premium.
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1916-12-17

r..
seasons styles in wives show a brand
~ new fare.
There was q time when any woman with a
~oos complexion and a mastery of the tech
.,ouc Of lemon pic was considered TO have
.,4,icr4 aovru Then came the days when
.be had 10 De- able to supplement her husbands
..'ary with her winnings at bridge whist and
e., keen three steps ahead Of the times in the
-,y dances. But this season-wcll.
4 short Time ago visited the headquarters
~ what sdvcrtis cd itself as "the greatest Mat
-,r,o0ial Office i'm the world"-both capitals.
yo,rl find 10. ladies', at 3S5 West End Avenue,
b,.r i,rt any use. For l came away with my
steps weighted with a sad oppressive fact:
Men Who wan, to get married are at premium
ms, now. bat women can only do 1t when &C
,ompsrios ty bonus. Every time
Listen % these figures: You can get an ice
man husband IAN asset in any homc) for the
.-ieirc investment Of $1,000 \ tramway con-
5uctor has been marked down to $500, holiday
IA But a saloonkeeper will cost you $4,000,
, tailor 10000, a capitalist $4,000, farmer
$4,000 potatoes arc going up, these days.,
hotel owner $4,000. a lieutenant 100000 and
q noble gentleman" anywhere from $4,000 TO
100000. Perhaps the locksmiths do not
laugh at love, but they require at least $1,000
10 set them TO smiling.
It's beastly mercenary world, for US ladies
vino arc broke, now, isn't IL?
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1916-12-17
Husbands and Wives Not
Carried i'm Stock

You're looking for he suggested
There was an awful pause The Pirate
wouldn't break it, and | couldn't.
I'VE want a husband and wife apiece
said at last in embarrassment Il mean, to
cether. mean we each want hus-l
mean
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1916-12-17

can he no doubt at all that the
Il seasons styles in wives show brand
~ new fare
Omaha daily bee., 1916-05-08
French Press Flags
Reply Of Germany

PARIS. MAY . An the evening papers
devote their principal leadera 70 the DER
man reply and bitterly condemn Il As a
"suhtclfuge Colonel Rouaset and other
military writer's. declare that renewed
activities around vcrdun ara oantem
loranooas aith the reply tn or1ef 10
gire added effect
TIE Journal pes pobais ehameisFisea
tts note A. e monument - imnudenea
ara ssYa Il is stnptaed 10 find thar sama
French papers are deceived bf tha psf
ndf % lhe note and discover thsreia
apiulataH af a spiHt ~ eoueiliatan
rhe Journal f'pa nebats contends that
the nals mahta 40 eoncemlan ln tga "mla
tFAtia srtlfi sa
lfaaef ii ghs Femra say ne peis has
ite appearances of tsinW q enmp tetl8a
if0m a gaftF HnNef
Omaha daily bee., 1916-05-08
Bishop Says Feeling
Against Americans
In Mexico Weakens

SARATOGA SPRINGS n. n. May n
Anh-Amerean sentiment in Mexico is
decreasing. In the opinion OF Bishop
Francis j. Mcconnell Of Denver. who re-
ported to the Methodist Episcopal gem
eral conference tonight the results Of
missionary work in that country, over
which he has EpiscogaT supervision.
He visited tho Mexican churches fire.
quently during the trouble there and
was in Mexico city at the time Of the
villa raid on Columbus, N. NJ. lie was
escorted 10 the northern border by Al
fonzo Herrera. Carranza leader, who
IL. a member OF Mexican Methodist COM
ference.
"Whateyer may be said Of President
Wilson's Mexican policy said the
bishop, 1T Is true that this policy has
done more 10 convince the Mexicans that
the United States does not want Mexico,
than have all our other policies put tor
gether.
THE stories Of outrages upon Ameri-
cans as the result Of anti-AmerIcan
spirit are very greatly exaggerated"
Omaha daily bee., 1916-05-08
FOLLY OF DRIFTING
SHOWN BY SPEER
Minister Uses the Seemingly Para
doxical Word Of Christ When He
Sent Forth His Disciples.
DOES NOT DISGUISE HARDsHIPs

The seemingly paradoxical words
uttered by Christ when He sent out
Ills disciples to preach the gospel
were used yesterday by Rev. Hugh
y. speer as the text Of bis sermon al
the Central United Presbyterian
church.
lie that flndeth his life shall lose
it and he that loseth his life for My
sake shall find H."
The minister used these words to
show the folly of drifting, the profit
lessness Of taking tho easiest way,
the racter-oneryatlng effects OF
selfishneBs,
TN this chapter Christ Is giving His
famous message 70 20 into the whole
world ana preach the gospel. said Rev.
Mr.. speer. He Ia sending forth twelve
men, uneduoated and poor. but twelve
men who were prepared 70 lose their
lives IN order that they might find
them
"Chrlst's message 10 tho disciples is a
model Of candor lie does not disguise
the hardahipa that they win encounter.
Poverty, persecution discomfort, suffer-
Ing. contempt. seorn-al these they nre 70
feel
THE words OF the Lord are perpetual
challenge TO true Christians everywhere.
They are challenge TO leave the sedue-
tions Of the world. 10 follow Christ. 20
lose the worldly lifo' in order that they
may find a better spiritual life
Yield 10 Expcdicncy.
There Ia too much weak yielding IA
expodloney. too much dangerous drifting
with the tide. too little strong witnessing
u the truth. Truth must find expression
or Il Will withot and alo These twelve
men whom Jesus sent out 10 preach the
eoEnel became great W declaring the
truth Their characters were made great
hy prlvatian and hardship Their cK.
Rmpleh illuminate ihe centuries heeauag
they merged their early llves IN tle aalus
of ChrlNta viii, thus illustrating th'
words IL The text thus 'flndtnE theli
iltcs that they had lobf far It's ssks
The easy life tho Indifferent iife, ID.
kadaiaial NE never ana any saat d
snYbodg
Nothing naa tfef Fainet hi afifilhs
Fqu cant drlN into Chrailan anasaas
( Huii can't dHft lnto business of urefaa
fInnal sneaess WhY Nel eaut even 1tfi
I imiW sHttslasihrt teH Tha MAN whs
wants ~ ehiay wsi must eofs taf ID d
oFAgr ihat ha mas ~ evwY sRo88h &
eninY iest
fha stsat Haiaf ftsmpla 81 ssif
aeaial lHst ahihfs daau ths cent fiFs 4
.ths sAae sba sats bee nAts ta God
fhe srsal hlatar tssnfie 81 sif ia1at
en #sH sa uama is sfasasH
sl thst m Hifsfaai
1'4stE5laH tNs af8t as ih.
tMst ta #tlas NaWu,as lh aH
Omaha daily bee., 1916-05-08
Mrs. Glaze Loses Her
Suit Against Fifty
Saloon Keepers

PIERCE, Neb.. May 7.-(special Tcle-
gram.)-A verdict IN favor Of the defend
ants was returned this morning by jury
after three-hour deliberation In the
$4,000 damage suit case OF Mrs. Estella
Glaze against some fifty saloonkeepers
in this vicinity. According to the Jurys
verdict, Mrs. Glaze will get no damages.
or the forty witnesses examined In
behalf OF the defense. all Of them EN-
ployes Of the defendant saloonkeopers,
the majority OF them denied ever selling
intoxicants to Don Glaze. the plaintiffs
husband.
Omaha daily bee., 1916-05-08
WEBSTER CITY BOY IS
STRUCK BI AUToM0RlLF 6

WNHaEHH t1t a Mas ist
KeHFtam All tmabe aram ht
feW tse a mHalmH gaa aef
HWa aaah ftiAN m1ge4 FnN
Muamn st 60 aan 81 NN asa Ma
rsstlas NuaHHaf af tsa fHf fha hd
sac ssfss he sigset la ifaat ef gts esf
wei1a ess FnH'as nst egss tsaatF
us'i.s ~ faE
Omaha daily bee., 1916-05-08
School Children
Wage Campaign
On .Dandelions

Ten thousand dandelions are being
pulled out OF lawns each day by the
pupils of Lothrop school. This is in ae-
cordance weh the plan OF Principal Nora
H. Lemon. It is part of the campaign
against dandelions which has taken the
form Of contest IN which the Harding
Ice Cream company is to award 200 gal
Ions Of ice cream. Miss Lemon has the
children coached to pull ten dandelons
each day apiece. making a total Of some
10000 daily
a day this week Ia to be devoted to a
dandeion match between pupils Of Frank
lin school. under the direction Of Prin-
clpal Ann Hutehlns.
Seventy five bushels Of dandelion plants
have been exterminated by the pupils
OF Druid Hill school. which has but four
rooms, .....r
Omaha daily bee., 1916-05-08
Irish Rebels Are Not
Doomed on Suspicion

DUBLIN, May T. Via Londonl
-~Iuatco Is being dealt out 10 the Sim
Feiners on the pure facts proved by In
contestible testimony regarding their ac-
1.-Two participation In the recent rebellion.
Suspicion is not enough for court mar
tial TO condemn any man, and vengeance
for tho killing Of soldiers or the destruc-
ton OF property does not enter the minds
OF tho military judges There IA no
"dragooning to death Of the rebels.
Omaha daily bee., 1916-05-08
Calls Irish Rising
Menace to America

PErRoGRAp, May 7-(yla London)-
The pctrograd Gazette declares that the
Irish rebellion WINS u menace 10 the
United states. for had the Germans sue-
coedcd In carrying out their plans re-
garding ireland thoy would tho news
papers believe have replied to President
Wilson's latest note by throat 10 start
tho same kind Of an uprising IN America
IN districts thlcliy settled by Germans.
Omaha daily bee., 1916-05-08
First Case of Heat
ProStration of Year

The first case Of heat nrostratlon OF
the present summer was reported yes-
tcrday from the South Side, Walter
Bioggy fell unconscious at Twenty eighth
and Q streets, due 20 the heat, tlo WAS
taken 20 hospital Hloggy physicians
say. will be all right in a day or two.
The highest temperature Of tho day was
% degrees above zero at 9 o'clock ln The
afternoon.
Omaha daily bee., 1916-05-08

REPUBLI IcANS ELECT
DELEGATES TO CHICAGO

Nonrm YAKIMA. Wash. May z -rha
republican state convention hrre today
elected delegates 20 the national convene
lion. chose y A Perkins Of Tacoma Tor
national committeeman and adopted a
platform that contained 10 feteWnee 10
any presidential candidates. The DELE
khtlon Nhs not instructed 10 esht i,s vote
fal ass particular eandidata
Omaha daily bee., 1916-05-08
Here is a Chance
For Someone to Be
Of Use to Someone

A new or secondhand tent Of moderate
size can be placed TO good ADVANTAGE by
the Associated Charities. Secretary Doane
explains she Is assisting an elderly couple
who intend to travel 700 miles by wagon
to a tract Of land they expect TO culti-
vate. The husband IL 50 years Of age,
Omaha daily bee., 1916-05-08
Fall Kills Aviator
Who Loops-t the-Loop

DALLAS. Tex. May iieeter Wtre
den local aviator Was KILLED near here
tonight when hia asropiene failed in right
itself after looplas ne loop amt plunged
b. me rrouud from 3 haighl of 500 feet
Omaha daily bee., 1916-05-08
Enrico CarusO, the
Singer, Off to Italy

NEW yoRK. Mdy Enrco Caruso.
tho tenor. sailed today on the steamer
Espnnge for italy hy way ~ France BE
fore sailing THE sinser said BIO expected
20 return 20 New York in November u
10 h not called upon % serve ln tile
italian army