Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1916-03-09


Sold everywhere. mao
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HoovvALlovN NEWS.
Dunk Bolts, Reg. Correspondent.
George Bingram.
copyrighted, 1916, Adams SYM
Miss Fruzie Allsop spent Tues
day morning at the home of Miss
Hostetter Hooks in an effort to
find out what Miss Hostetter paid
for her new hat.
The wife of Sim Flinders has
been so hoarse that she could
not speak above a whisper for the
past few days. Until she gets to
talking out loud again Sim will.
not wear cotton in his ears.
Prof. Sap spradlen says the
reason lead is so heavy is that
there is so much of it in small
piece.
Bat Smith, congenial and ac-
commodating proprietor of the
Moonshine still on Musket Ridge,
has announced to his many GUS
toners and friends that hereafter
he will keep the front door of his
place locked on Sunday, to COM,
ply with the request of the Deputy
Constable. For the convenience
of his patrons, however, he will
turn the rear end of the building
around facing the front on Sun.
day.
The spring term of school at
the Wild Onion school house will
begin within a short time, or just
as soon as he can complete the
winter term. The pupils are all
learning SO fast that many Of
them have had to quit for a while.
The Mail Carrier has a full de-
veloped case of smallpox and
upon his arrival in Hogwallow
yesterday a good sized crowd
gathered at the postoffice to ex-
tend him their sympathy. Aside
from that of the Wild Onion
teacher this is the first case of
this disease seen around here and
the Mail Carrier is rapidly spring.
ing into prominence,
Slim Pickens has entered So
ciety and since doing so has put
insect powder on his mule and
greases his buggy with yaseline
Things are expected to get ac-
tive around here as soon as the
snakes and fleas begin to arrive
again.
The Hog Ford church has a new
member in the person of Fit
Smith. Another seat will not be
added, however, until it is seen
that he is going to stick.
Prof. Sap Spradlen will deliver
an address on the South Pole at
the Wild Onion school house next
Saturday night. He will give a
full description of it, using the
blackboard to illustrate just how
tall it is and how it looks.
When spring gets under full
Roadway and Poke Eazley can
move his chair out on the front
porch at the postoffice the POST
master announces that he will
have much more room inside.
Raj Barlow thinks our Deputy
Constable should wear his star on
the back of his coat, as most of
3 the meanness is done behind his
back.
The Old Miser on Musket Ridge
stuck his head out of the house
for few minutes yesterday, but
slammed the door when he saw
Ellick Hellwanger coming.
! The Mail Carrier was several
hours late yesterday in arriving,
The having stopped along the way
many times to discuss the almost
impossible condition of the roads.
The Dog Hill preacher had to
repeat portion of his sermon
last Sunday on account of lobe
| Moseley coming in late.
It is more difficult to write q
thing than it is to get up and
speak it. The public speaker does
not have to handle his comas and
semi-comas; neither does he have
to make paragraphs in his talk,
unless it is at that point where
he stops to take drink of water
or to suck a lemon. That is one
beauty about writing. You don't
necessarily have to such sour
old lemon.
/ Sim ElinGlars was in foils again