davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-04-18
Too Much for Judge Lea

You have heard the adage often, I was on the fence," said Judge Thomas R. Lea of the municipal court yester- day. "Well, that is just where I was the other day, or maybe l had better say between the rails. A man was suing the Central of Georgia railroad for killing his COW. The COW was killed by a train, but there was no way in which to prove which train killed the animal, as the Central and Southern roads are only few yards apart at the place where the COW was killed and the COW was found exactly between the two roads.
 'We had the agent of the company up as witness as to the time of the train scedu1es for that particular place. He said the Central train was due there at $40 and the Southern at 6:42. The COW was found shortly afterwards Which train killed the COW? The ques- tion was too deep for me, and while as a judge, I am supposed to know some things, I could not decide which of those trains killed the mans COW. If both companies had been defend- ants I would probably have asked them to shell out fifty-fifty."
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-04-18
Cattle Market Fluctuations

Governor Stuart of Virginia, who is taking an active part in the move ment to have Congress investigate the packing house interests with view of ascertaining to what extent, if any, they manipulate the live stock market, is one of the largest and must successful cattle raisers in this country. He is not only wealthy farmer but a leader in the business world; and being an authority on cattle, his discussion before the agri- cultural committee of the House of Representative a few days ago was listened to with uncommon attention.
 Governor Stuart made no charge against the packers, but intimated that the only way he could account for the sharp fluctuations in the mar ket under normal conditions was by trust methods. He called attention to the fact that cattle prices were not regulated, as they should be, by the law of supply and demand, but by some arbitrary and invisible influ- ence.
 It sometimes happened that when the situation was normal, SO far as supply and demand were concerned, prices would be marked down sudden ly and sharply, and without any ap- parent reason, to the serious detri- ment of the farmer.
 Governor Stuart being an expert enced business man, with adequate capital, accumulated on his broad grazing lands in southwest Vir- ginia, usually markets his cattle te advantage. According to an Associa- ted Press dispatch he sold his stock fattened last fall for $100,000. He got fair price per pound, but he felt no doubt that it should have been bet ter.
 As the south, and especially Ala bama, is giving more and more at tention to beef cattle, it is of vita interest that the farmer be protected against any artificial manipulation o1
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-04-18
HOTEL LOBBIES
Efficiency Needed Everywhere


 There has never been a time when efficiency was more required in every profession than at the present. said J. w. Mims of Anniston, who was in Birmingham attending the triennial convention of the Metropolitan Life In- surace company. 'Last year we re- ceived more than 50 applications for positions with our Anniston district, but out of that number only & very small per cent were able to qualify in point of efficiency
 Almost every profession and every line of business is requiring more ef- ficient and better educated men, and the young man who thoroughly pre- pares himself and receives college education has place at the top of his chosen profession if he will be ener- getic and efficient. Every young man should strive to make himself eff cient."
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-04-18
Contributions shu Coming M

Contributions to the campaign against ilhteracy continue to come in," said Com missioner Hornardy yesterday. "Birming- ham citizens broke all records for tho purchase of buttons Saturday, thus man ifesting their intense interest in the move ment, and this morning the first mail brought s21. 30 additional from generous hearted citizens.
 This splendid response will serve to demonstrate to all Alabamians that Bir- mingham citizens are deeply interested in all that concerns the welfare of the state, and the result, no doubt will be to create a kindlier feeling toward our city and to bring about more generous cooperation with local citizens in their efforts to solve the problems with which they are confronted.
 Tn behalf of the members of the com mittee I wish to express the highest ar preciation for the interest shown by the workers, who gave so liberally of their time, and of the contributors who were so ready to respond to the call.'
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-04-18
THE SOLDIERS MESS

From the Salt Lake Telegram.
 Tree times day in United States army camps-6 o'clock in the morning, noon, and 6 o'clock in the afternoon the company windjammers press their trumpets to their lips and sound the call that is the soldiers sweetest music. The words run like this: Soupy, soupy, soupy. without bit of
 bean,
 Porky. perky, perky. with out streak
 of lean;
 Coffee. coffee. coffee. without bit of
 cream.
 It is mess call, and the words de- scribe about what the fighting men would get if they did not chip in each month to a company mess fund with which delicacies are bought.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-04-18
A GOOD SUGGESTION
o the Editor of The Age Herald.

To the Editor of The Age Herald.
 I do not believe there is a reader of the ge-IIerald anywhere who does not think that your paper is credit to the state and to the entire south, and it is natural that it's editor and entire staff is proud of the papers well mer- tied popularity, and would occasion ally be Justified in batting themselves on the back enditorially, but don't you think it is about time you were "cut- ing to be, and the Mondays editorial about what the Sundays issue is go- ing to be9 and the Mondays editorial telling us what the Sundays issue was Yours truly. WILLIAM TATE.
 Alabama City, April 16. P. o. BoS 251
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-04-18

TIME FOR THE BRIGHT LIGHTS
 This poet says there is sadness in every sunset"
 That may apply to the man who has nothing to think about but going to bed at night" answered the city dweller but not to the fellow for whom sunset is preliminary to round of the cab arets."
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-04-18
POETRY FROM EXPERIENCE

' |
 The finest poetry was first experience; but the thought has suffered transfor- nation since 1t was an experience; culti- vated men often attain a good degree of skill in writing verses, but it is easy to read through their poems their personal history; anyone acquainted with the par ties can name every figure: this is An drew. that is Rachel. The sense thus re- mains prosaic. It is a caterpillar with wings and not yet butterfly Tn the poets mind the fact has gone quite over into the new element of thought. and has lost all that is exuvial.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-04-18
Appoints Committee

President George B. Ward has appoint ed the local delegation to the National Conference of Charities and Correction, which will be held at Indianapolis on May 10 to 1T, inclusive, to represent Bir- n,ingham.
 q picked out the social workers" said Commissioner Ward, "and I sincerely trust that the following delegates, Mrs. s. D. Weak1ey, Mrs. w. L. Murdoch, Mrs. Ophelia A. Amigh, Miss Marion Whid- den, D. M. Weakley, Mrs Mary R. Jor- dan, Rabbi Morris Newfield and Judge s. D. Murphy, will attend the conference and bring back to Birmingham new ideas on how to take care of our unfortu- nates"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-04-18
ALABAMA PRESS

Huntsville Mercury: Whats the idea of Lillian Russell making a campaign for mayor of Pittsburg on the issue Make Pittsburg so clean as not to soil skirts. Do the women sit on the curb in Pitts burg?
 Alexander City News. The Tallapoosa grand jury returned 50 indictments That ought to be enough to give pretty gen eral satisfaction. Fifty criminals every six months is fairly good output for county this size.
 Scottsboro Citizen: The Birmingham Age-Herald comments on the many splendid illustrations in their Sunday edition. We'll agree with them on the illustration of the American Venus de Milo. Some "figger," hers.
 Sheffield Standard: Two of the candi- dates for president of the public utili- ties commission do not live on, or near, trunk line railroad. Even a gin whistle causes consternation in the towns where in said candidates reside.
 Boaz Leader Some people on Sand Mountain seem to think this section IS immune from the boil weevil-that 1t can't climb the mountain, and that if 1t should succeed in getting here the eleva- tion and the climate would be so unfa- vorable that they would preclude all pos sibility of successful invasion. But these conclusions are erroneous. The coldest weather fails to kill the weevil and it can live in as high altitude as cotton will thrive.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-04-18
sUMMUM BONUM

by Browning. All the breath and the bloom of the year
 Tn the bag of one bee: Aii the wonder and wealth of the mine in the herat of one gem; III tne core of one pearl all the shade and the shine of the sea; breath and bloom, shade and shine
 wonder, wealth and-how far aboy a them
 Truth that's brighter than gem. Trust that's purer than pearl Brightest truth, purest trust in the uni-
 verse-all were for me
 In the kiss of one girl.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-04-18

If Ambassador Von Bernstorff has not yet succeeded in giving the German gov ernment correct impression of the American governments attitude on the submarine controversy, he might as well quit trying.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-04-18
ANOTHER GUESS

From the Memphis Commercial Appeal
 When is poem not a poem?" asks the Birmingham Age-Herald. When it's in a magazine. answers the Macon Tele- graph. No; when it's on spring"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-04-18

It remains to be seen whether or not some history was written at Parral How ever, "watchful waiting policy is not conducive to history making.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-04-18

Five hundred prominent Americans have declared themselves in favor of the allies. Still, that is hardly enough to whip the Germans.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-04-18

Irwin S. Cobb says Mammoth Cave, Ky, try except the one which made Lincoln, Neb., famous. How about the orifice at Oyster Bay?
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-04-18

A character in one of Jack Lait's stories says he remembers the time when Sarah Bernhardt had two legs. Think of having memory like that!'
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-04-18

Richard Harding Davis immortalized an office boy. The jokesmiths of the country have also found the office boy fruitful source of copy.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-04-18

Some of the republicans seem to think much better advantage on the supreme court bench than they would in the White House.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-04-18

BEGINNING THE DAY - Lord, help me to study how Christ would net toward the servant who is in my house. Then help me to show the same spirit of consideration and heipfulness. Remind nc that He took upon Himself the form of servant. and that I also am en- gagged to serve. In His name. Amen. H. NJ. E,
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-04-18

The baseball season is open again and fame is getting ready to distribute a few more laurel wreaths among players who are at present unhonored and unsung.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-04-18
MORE SERIOUS MATTER
n the Boston Herald.


 Marse Henry is right in thinking the quarrel between MT. Taft and MT. Roosevelt was never more than skin deep'-in comparison with that be- tween Narse Henry and them both.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-04-18

The Confederate veterans have declined to ride in automobiles when they parade in Birmingham. No mollycoddles in their ranks.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-04-18

Whether he wins it or not, the German Crown Prince already has the distinction of participating in the greatest battle of the war.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-04-18

A magazine is offering 25 cents line for light verse; but a quatrain is more apt to be accepted than a poem of 100 lines.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-04-18

No matter what happens these days, Petrograd positively refuses to view with alarm.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-04-18

If Villa is really dead, President Will sons enemies will say that's another ex- ample of Wilson luck''
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-04-18

Ex-Senator Lorimer is again threaten ing to tell the story of his life. The sal tent details are already pretty wei known.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-04-18

Colonel House would rather be mar accept a job.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-04-18
ADRIFT WITH THE TIMES

YOU NEVER CAN TELL. Sometimes I envy
 The nude Hottentot; The high cost of living
 Doth trouble him not. The thought of hard labor Ne'er enters his breast; His scheme of existence Is simple and blest. No motors annoy him
 With vile. smelling fumes, He roams where he pleases Mid sunshine and blooms. No spry bill collectors
 Are hard on his track, No tailor> pursues him
 For clothing his back. And yet, should I ask him His joys to define, His tale of hard luck might Be greater than mine.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-04-18

For what doth cherish weeds but gem tic airf And what makes robbers bold, but toe much lenitys Henry VI.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-04-18
NEAR THE END.

The Twobb1es seem to be having lively dispute across the way" Yes. but it will soon be over"
 What makes you think so?'
 Mrs. Twobble has just addressed MT. Twobble as John Henry Twobble' When ever she calls him his full name like that he cools off considerably"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-04-18
YET. ONE MUST eEAT.

T saw Huntington Roarer, the trage- dian, standing on a street corner yester- day and weeping as if his heart would break
 Was the poor fellow intoxicated?'
 'No, indeed. He told me that he had just signed contract with a moving picture concern for an enormous salary and he was saying farewell to his art"
 NONE OF HIS MAKING.
 This is handsome country home we are passing"
 "Yes. It belongs to a man who was only poor clerk a few years ago"
 Another spectacular rise to fortune eh?"
 Well not exactly I understand the father of the girl he married worked a great many years to accumulate a mill lion"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-04-18
A TRIPLE HAzY.

A TRIPLE HAzY.
 ''What we need in this country Is more big guns" said the pompous advocate of preparedness.
 How big?" asked the incuisitive man. "why-er-larger than any other na- ton has, of course" T thought sc You don't know any more about the situation than I do."
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-04-18

Married a cooking school graduate, you say?'
 Yes, but he's no fool"
 "No?"
 "The first household utensil he bought was a can opener"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-04-18

casts.
Vilas County news. [volume] (Eagle River, Vilas County, Wis.) 1896-1927, 1916-02-16
WAR SECRETARY
GARRISON QUITS
WILSON CABINET
Breckenridge Also Resigns as
Assistant Secretary.
RESERVATIONS ARE ACCEPTED
Letters in Case Given Out-Execu-
tive's Refusal to Insist on CONT
mental Army Plan One Reason
for Action.

Washington, Feb. 11.-Lindley NJ.
Garrison, secretary of war, and Henry
Breckenridge, assistant secretary, ten
deTed their designations to President
Wilson who Immediately accepted
khem
Mr. Garrisons resignation was
brought about by the failure of Presi-
dent Wilson to support the continental
army feature of the national prepared
ness scheme and because the secre-
tary of war is not in sympathy with
the Clark amendment to the Philippine
bill providing for the REIMBURSEMENT
Vf American control of the islands.
Letters Made Public.
The letter of Mr.. Garrison and the
presidents acceptance of his resigna-
ton are as follows:
War Department, Washington, Feb.
70, 1916.-My Dear Mr.. President
SIN just in receipt of yours of February
Vilas County news. [volume] (Eagle River, Vilas County, Wis.) 1896-1927, 1916-02-16
SAYS THE OWL

There's often slip after the cum
goes to the lip.
A stitch in time may close Ira
mouths of nine gossips.
Deeds speak louder than words in q
real estate transaction.
The coat does not make the man
not even a coat of tar and feathers.
It's much easier to convince others
than it is to convince ones self.
Listeners hear as little good about
others as they do about themselves.
There is glory in any little thing
that you do simply from a sense of
duty.
The wise man never loses his repu-
tation by attempting to answer fool
questions.
What this country needs is a blind
asylum for people who are blind to
their own best interests.
The woman who marries her ideal
is very apt to change her views in the
course of few short weeks.
When a man begins to argue with
his conscience as to whether a thing
is right or wrong, the chances are that
it is wrong.
Vilas County news. [volume] (Eagle River, Vilas County, Wis.) 1896-1927, 1916-02-16
POINTED PARAGRAPHS

After rough lie has been polished
it is called hypocrisy.
The man who is honest merely from
policy is practically dishonest.
Through a mans tongue we get a
glimpse of his brains-or his lack
thereof.
Moles and poor physicians are cas-
fly traced by the holes they leave in
the ground.
Perhaps the boy who plays marbles
for keeps may be giving away libraries
in after years.
Children make sweet music in a
home until they get big enough to
take piano lessons.
Every time the sun shines the pes
simist consoles himself with the belief
that it's raining somewhere.
It is said the cat has nine lives
but that is nothing to the number Of
lives of a great man-sold by sub
scription only.
It's always safe to name a baby boy
William. If he becomes a good boy
people may call him Willie, and if he
doesn't they can call him Bill.-Chi'
cago News.
Vilas County news. [volume] (Eagle River, Vilas County, Wis.) 1896-1927, 1916-02-16
BLUNDERS OF MODERNlTY

Eugenics:A foolish attempt to i'm
prove the race and promote human
happiness by substituting anatomical
affinity for love.
Sociology: Conscious evolution on
rampage; disastrous mixture OF I'M
derdone ethics, underthought sugges-
ton and natural instinct.
Prosperity: The much-longedfor
condition of being unreasonably well
off; equally fatal to individuals, inst1-
tutions and commonwealth.
Efficiency: The removal of all the
waste and all the joy from human ae-
tivity; displacing common sense with
the micrometer, caIiper and the slide
rule.
Uplift: A contagious mania for
throwing monkey wrenches into the
evolutionary machinery Of human be-
ings who are hard at work attending
to their own business.
Associated charities: Efficiency in
brotherly love and sympathy; a con-
venient expedient for allaying the
pangs of conscience while the fruits
of legal pillage are enjoyed.-Judge.
Vilas County news. [volume] (Eagle River, Vilas County, Wis.) 1896-1927, 1916-02-16
Jap Gets Reprieve..

Washington, Feb. 11.-At the re-
quest of the Japanese ambassador,
Viscount Chinda, President Wilson
granted 60-day reprieve to O. Jtow, a
Japanese sentenced to be hanged Feb
ruary II at Juneau, Alaska, for COM
hitting the murder of a companion.
Vilas County news. [volume] (Eagle River, Vilas County, Wis.) 1896-1927, 1916-02-16
STAGE SETTINGS

A good many men act foolish VINO
are not real actors
Distance lends enchantment to ones
view of stage beauties.
The soubrette has the laugh on the
comedian who gets none.
But the stage carpenter makes more
tits than the average actor.
An actress may blaze with diamonds
Without setting the world on fire.
Vilas County news. [volume] (Eagle River, Vilas County, Wis.) 1896-1927, 1916-02-16

10Th in reply to mine of February 9th.
IS is evident that we hopelessly dis
agree upon what l conceive to be fun
damental principles. This makes mani
fest the Improperly of my long re-
naming your seeming representative
with respect to these matters.
Il hereby tender my resignation as
secretary of war, to take effect at your
convenience.
Vilas County news. [volume] (Eagle River, Vilas County, Wis.) 1896-1927, 1916-02-16
FIRE

Fire is a purifying element.
Neither Nelson nor Napoleon ever
saw a gas lamp.
No building is really freproof, al &
though many are ''fire-resisting.
Machines for the extinguishing OF
fires were employed by the Romans.
The use of the burning lens to gen
crate fire was known to the ancient
Greeks.
The first fire engine in which steam
was used to drive the pumps was thaS
of Braithwaite in 1929.
Vilas County news. [volume] (Eagle River, Vilas County, Wis.) 1896-1927, 1916-02-16

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Vilas County news. [volume] (Eagle River, Vilas County, Wis.) 1896-1927, 1916-02-16

After a rough lie has been polished
1t is called hypocrisy.
Vilas County news. [volume] (Eagle River, Vilas County, Wis.) 1896-1927, 1916-02-16
Third to Quit Cabinet.

Mr.. Garrison is the third member
of President Wilson's cabinet to re-
sign. The first, Justice McReynolds,
resigned as attorney general to ac-
cept a seat on the Supreme court
The second, William ]. Bryan, re-
signed as secretary of state because
of differences with the president over
the conduct of the submarine war
fare controversy with Germany
Vilas County news. [volume] (Eagle River, Vilas County, Wis.) 1896-1927, 1916-02-16
'LINDLEY NJ. GARRISON"
Resignation Is Accepted.

ReSi qnatIor is Accepted.
1.-The White House, Washington, Feb
10, 1916.-My Dear Secretary: | must
confess to feeling a very great sur
prise at your letter of today offering
your resignation as secretary of war
There has been no definite action
taken yet in either of the matters to
which your letter of yesterday refer
Eed. The whole matter is under de-
bate, and all the influences that work
for clarity and judgment ought to be
available at this very time.
But since you have felt obliged to
take this action, and since it is evil
dent that your feeling in the matter is
very great indeed, l feel that l would
be only imposing burden upon you
should l urge you to retain the secre-
taryship of war while / am endeavor-
ing to find a successor / ought to re-
heve you at once and do hereby ac-
cept your resignation, because it is so
evidently your desire that | should do
so. l cannot take this important step,
however, without expressing to you
my very warm appreciation of the dis
tinguished service you have rendered
as secretary of war, and am sure that
in expressing this appreciation l am
only putting into words the judgment
of our fellow citizens far and wide.
With sincere regret at the action
you have felt constrained to take
Sincerely yours,
s.UnODp OUT VIII CON
'Hon. Lindley NJ. Garrison, Secretary
of War"
Letter to Breckenridge.
THE White House, Washington, Feb.
10, 1916.-My Dear Mr.. Breckenridge:
] can quite understand why you deem
your chief to follow his example, in
rendering your resignation, and since
have accepted his resignation, l am
sure it will be your desire that l &C
cept yours also. l do so with genuine
regret because you have in every way
fulfilled the highest expectations and
rendered the country the most consci-
entious and efficient service.
1T is with genuine sorrow that
see this official relationship between
US brought TO an end.
Cordially and sincerely yours.
WOODROW WILSON.
Hon Henry Breckenridge, assistant
secretary of war"
Critical Juncture Seen.
The first of the preliminary CORE
Spondence is a letter by Secretary Gar
risen dated January H. He wrote
War Department, Washington, Jan.
y, 1916.-My Dear Mr. President: In
my judgment we are facing a critical
juncture with respect to the military