davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Penn's Grove record., 1916-04-14
PURCHASE YOUR CHECK FIRST
Young American Author, Who Dared
to Signal Po~mpadoured Waitress,
Receives Rude Jolt.

A young American author, who was
exposing his films for fresh impress
sions of his birthplace, after several
years absence in Europe, wandered
into what he calls "a hot-chocolate
saloon for women" to see how Amer
lean girls publicly indulge in strong
drink. Another man was adrift in the
crowd of ~petticoats, and following his
example the author ventured to signal
a pompadoured waitress. "a cup
of chocolate" ne murmured. The watt
ress transfixed him with a suspicious
stare.
Come, now; hand over your check"
Check" he replied.
"Oh, don't tell me you've forgotten
it. You don't get chocolate till l get
a check"
The returned American will go back
to Europe. They are potter, he de-
%clares, in any brasserie in France.
The Penn's Grove record., 1916-04-14
SUSAN MAKES FIRST PRAYER
cornered by Persistent Preacher, Old
Woman 8Iurts Out "5Iess Miss
Mays Big Toe"

Old Susan was greatly troubled. Miss
Mary, her young mistress, was ill and
suffering terribly. AS Susan expressed
it, 'she done got de misery eb-rywhere,
but mo- particler in de feet" Seeking
comfort and consolation, Susan had
taken herself to prayer meeting. Dur
ing the entire service the old woman's
thoughts and prayers were for the sick
mistress.
In an endeavor to put life and spirit
into the meeting, the preacher called
upon first one and then another of his
congregation to testify or to pray
aloud. For the first time in Susan's
life, she heard her own name called to
speak in meetin'." Embarrassed, she
tried to hide from the preachers sight,
but as she lodged back and forth be-
hind a pair of huge, broad shoulders,
the man of God likewise lodged, call
ing out, "Ah see yer, Sister Susan.
Yer can't hide FUN me. Testify, sis
ter, pray de Lo'd TO some special bless.
ing"
Thus cornered, Susan rose slowly to
her feet. In her minds eye, she still
saw the suffering mistress of her af-
fections.
ooh, LODI" she prayed from the
depths of her faithful heart. "Bless
Miss Mays big toe, and make it WE'LL
And all the people said, Amen"
The Penn's Grove record., 1916-04-14
HANDY HUSBAND
Knew How to Get Part of the Break.
fast.

81 know one dish 1 can prepare for
breakfast as well as any cook on
earth said my husband one morning
when the cook was i'll and he had vol
unteered to help get breakfast. He
appeared with his dish and l discov.
cred it was Grape-Nuts which, of
course, was easy to prepare for it was
perfectly cooked at the factory, but it
vas a good illustration of the conven.
fence Of having Grape-Nuts about.
1--WE took up Grape-Nuts immedi.
ately after returning from a five years
s~ojourn in a hot country. Our stom.
achs were in bad condition and we
were in poor health generally.
In a day or two we liked Grape
Nuts better than any other kind of
food on the table. We both gained
steadily in health and strength, and
this was caused by Grape-Nuts and
Postum.
"a friend of ours had a similar ex.
perience. She was seriously ill with
indigestion and could find nothing to
eat that would not give her heartburn
and palpitation, especially at night.
she found that a small dish of
Grape-Nuts with cream made her a
satisfactory supper and gave her a
comfortable nights rest. In a short
time she gained several pounds in
weight"
There's a Reason" Name given by
Postum Co., Battle Greek, Mich.
Ever read the above letterf A new
one appears from time to time. They
are genuine, true, and fall of humss
The Penn's Grove record., 1916-04-14
QUIT MAKING SPEECHES? NEVER

Senator MARITIME of New Jersey
dotes on making speeches. He is free
to Jay that he would much prefer to
abandon almost any other vice he has
rather than speechmaking. Last sum
me> MARITIME was one of a number of
members Of congress who went on a
journey to Hawaii. Part of their N
tertainment there consisted of an ini-
tiation into a so-called Order of Ha-
waiian Chiefs. This initiation, which
was held on a lonely island, reserved
for that purpose, vas a good deal like
joining a college fraternity. Dignified
congressman wore no clothes except
a modish skirt made of grass, and
were put through various amusing
capers. One feature of the exercises
was an electric mat on which great
men were laid full length, with hands
and feet tied, and blindfolded. Then
the electric current was turned on and
all manner of grave promises were *
acted from the victims. Uncle Joe
The Penn's Grove record., 1916-04-14
Glass Of Hot Water
Before Breakfast
a Splendid Habit
Open sIuices Of the system each
morning and wash away the
poisonous, stagnant matter.

Those of us who are accustomed to
feel dull and heavy when we arise;
splitting headache, stuffy from a cold.
foul tongue, nasty breath. acid stom-
ach, lame back. can, instead, both
look and feel as fresh as a daisy always
by washing the poisons and toxins
from the body with phosphated hot
water each morning.
We should drink, before breakfast,
a glass of real hot water with a tea
spoonful Of limestone phosphate in
it to flush from the stomach, liver,
kidneys and ten yards of bowels the
previous days indigestible waste, sour
bile and poisonous toxins; thus cleans
ing, sweetening and purifying the en-
tire alimentary canal before putting
more food into the stomach.
The action of limestone phosphate
and hot water on an empty stomach
is wonderfully invigorating. 1t cleans
out all the sour lamentations, gases,
waste and acidity and gives one a
splendid appetite for breakfast and 1t
Is said to be but a little while until
the roses begin to appear in the
cheeks. A quarter pound of lime
stone phosphate will cost very little at
your druggist or from the store, but
is sufficient to make anyone who is
bothered with biliousness, constipa-
ton, stomach trouble or rheumatism
a real enthusiast on the subject of in
ternal sanitation. Try it and you are
assured that you will look better and
feel better in every way shortly
Adv.
The Penn's Grove record., 1916-04-14
He D%lSAPPOINTS MANY

DR.. Harry C. Frankenfield, one of
the chief forecasters Of the weather
bureau, is a member of the National
Aero club. In spite of the fact that
throughout the entire country eighty
five out of the hundred forecasts of
the weather are correct, it is generally
believed that Doctor Frankenfield has
in his representations disappointed
more persons than anyone else In the
United States, but the fact remains
the weather bureau saves the country
at least 500, 600, 900 annually and that
he is known throughout the world as
one of its greatest meteorologists.
The variableness of weather condi-
lions is n of the stumbling blocks of
aerial navigation, and a comprehensive
study of its tickle laws is necessary to
every fiier, but particularly to the n
who must fly over the sea. Hence it is
easy to see why Admiral Peary wanted
Doctor Frankenfield on the commits
The Penn's Grove record., 1916-04-14
Another Mar Hern-

Mrs. Peck-The papers are full of
deeds of heroism performed by men
for the sake of their country, but n
never hears of a man performing a
deed of daring for the woman he loves.
Henry Peck-Pm sure 1 did. my
dear.
Mrs. Peck-You! Why, what brave
thing did you do, I'd like to know?
Henry Peck-Why, I-er-let O
marry me, didn't l?
The Penn's Grove record., 1916-04-14
When Skirts Are Short.

why does that Pinkum girl make
up her face so strikingly?" asked
Maude.
She interferes when she walks"
replied Maymie. "She has to make
up her face to draw attention from
her feet"
The Penn's Grove record., 1916-04-14
Inv THE lLIENIEIIGITl1f
BUT Oakley is NO SAVAGE

AS a rule, the man who becomes
a member Of congress first gets his
name up while occupying some other
office. The rule applies to P. Davis
Oakley of Hartford. Conn. Oakley
made a reputation for himself as presi-
dent of the American Association of
Baldheaded Men. The organization,
while national in its scope, usually held
it's annual meetings in Connecticut,
and Oakley made speeches at these
gatherings which could not fail to
impress one and all with his mastery
of the spoken word.
In addition to heading the bald
heads Of America, Oakley has served
as alderman in Hartford and as a
member of the school board
One feature of Oakey's speeches
which has helped to popularize them
and him in Connecticut is their
brevity.
In addition to not having as many
oDDOrtupifiae for making aftnr-diunar
The Penn's Grove record., 1916-04-14
TENDER SKINNED BABIES
With Rashes and lrritations Find
Comfort in Cuticura. Trial Free.

Baby's tender skin requires mild,
soothing properties such as are Ind
IN the Cuticura Soap and Ointment.
Cuticura Soap is so sweet, pure and
cleansing and Cuticura Ointment SO
soothing and healing, especially when
baby's skin is irritated and rashy.
Free sample each by mail with Book.
Address postcard, C%uticura, Dept. L,
Boston. Sold everywhere.-Adv.
The Penn's Grove record., 1916-04-14

Cannon, Congressman Mckinley, Senator MARITIME and various other come
dams were among the number
Mckinley va ordered to promise that he would stump the country for
Theodore Roosevelt in 1916. At first Mckinley as Inclined to demur at
his ut they turned on tn t1icny and he promptly agreed to do s he raj
asked. Uncle Joe Cannon refused to pledge himself tt support the Demo
cratic tariff policies.
Never" he insisted. They increased the flow If electrical current and
he fastened to shout, 81 promise!"
The next Ia wa MARITIME. They babe him % entert into a covenan
never again 10 make a speech in the United States senate.
They CAV him a series of severe electrical shocks. But MARITIME was
firm.
Nor would all the electricity at the disposal of his tormentors nov
him from his purpose.
The Penn's Grove record., 1916-04-14
Varying Circumstances.

THAT mar prides himself on saying
exactly what he means"
Does he?" exclaimed Miss Cayenne.
Don't you admire him."
Il don't know. Saying precisely
what you mean may be a virtue; and
then, again, it may be only careless
ness"
The Penn's Grove record., 1916-04-14
Parental AnxIetjes.

George Washington was the father
of his country"
$50 I've heard" commented Farmer
Corntossel. Il sometimes wonder
whether he had any more worry bein'
father to an entire country than I've
had bein' father to my boy JOSH"
The Penn's Grove record., 1916-04-14
Readymade Sentiments.

"a man should always be strictly
truthful"
"Of course" replied Miss Cayenne.
But it's hardly reasonable to expect
him to verify a valentine before he
sends it."
The Penn's Grove record., 1916-04-14
AS Suuuested,

I'm at a loss to know whether this
article is intended to be humorous or
otherwise" said the village editor.
why not run it in the puzzle col
umn and let the subscribers guess?"
suggested the assistant.
The Penn's Grove record., 1916-04-14

Your wife and your mother-in-law
are looking for you"
do you think they are working to-
gether. or can l see my wife first and
cook up a separate treaty."
The Penn's Grove record., 1916-04-14
No Tellinn.

"How long will it take to prepare?'
mo telling" replied Senator Sor.
ghum, eff the ordinary course is pur.
sued and a lot of preliminary investi
cations are held"
The Penn's Grove record., 1916-04-14
A New point

She-I wish you would talk to my
husband about oyster culture.
He-Isn't he interested in it now?
She-I should say not! You just
ought to hear him eat his oyster
stew,
The Penn's Grove record., 1916-04-14
No Different.

Don't inquire too closely into my
history, sir. Remember, every family
has a skeleton in it's closet"
We'll, / used to be a minstrel, SO
I'd like to rattle the bones"
The Penn's Grove record., 1916-04-14
How Will They Live.

All / can do is just love you,"
bawled the young fellow at the piano.
Gee whizz,' murmured the girls
father. Hasn't that guy eny .rade
IT calling of any kind?"
The Penn's Grove record., 1916-04-14
Sad. but True.

Truth crushed to earth will rise
again." quoted the moralizer.
YES" rejoined the demoraiizer,
''and it always finds the crusher doing
business at the same old stand.'
The Penn's Grove record., 1916-04-14
In Doubt.

"That man has been sending me sem
timental letters and valentines for
three years." remarked Miss Cayenne.
HE is attentive"
Eyes. But l can't feel sure whether
it's a courtship or a diplomatic inter
change"
The Penn's Grove record., 1916-04-14
Not to Blame.

Customer (indignantly)-That par
rot you sold us hadn't been in the
house a day before it began to swear
~dreadfully.
Dealer-You asked me for one that
would be quick to learn, mum
The Penn's Grove record., 1916-04-14
I Kind.

Here, that fellow links borrowed
my umbrella just for an hour last
week, and he hasn't returned it yet"
81 guess his borrowing it for an
hour was just a put-up job"
The Penn's Grove record., 1916-04-14
One Thinq at a Time.

do you think we can excuse what
your political friends + trying to
do?'
THE excuse part isn't hard" re-
piled Senator Sorghum, after it's all
over The question is, Can we do it?"
The Penn's Grove record., 1916-04-14
Accounted For.

"The woman in the courtroom this
clock"
ut did, when her husband got mad
and threw the clock at her"
The Penn's Grove record., 1916-04-14

When a man isn't capable of earning
a living the only thing left for him to
do is to get a political job or break
into Jail.
The Penn's Grove record., 1916-04-14
Two of a Kind.

He had just swiped a kiss.
You are a heartless thief" she
said.
That's your fault" he replied.
whats the answer" she asked.
You stole my heart" he ex-
planned.
The Penn's Grove record., 1916-04-14
Ups and Downs.

Biggs-Short tells me he is going to
turn over a new leaf and settle down.
Diggs-Well, he owes me ten dol.
lars. hope he settles up before he
settles down.
The Penn's Grove record., 1916-04-14

speeches Is he would like, Oakeys life has been marred somewhat by the
fact that he is always being thrown where he is obliged to listen o music
and lie was born without the slightest ense of tonal harmony. Music may
dtstracts him. What is music to anybody else is to Oakley only a sys-
tematic distribution of needless noise. He disEkes it all from lullaby to
oratorio, and from ragtime to drge.
The Penn's Grove record., 1916-04-14
* Sc 0.s~fr

Mr.. Newed-Was there any fool in
love with you before l married you?
Mrs. Newed-Yes, one.
Mr.. Newed-Im sorry you rejected
him.
Mrs. Newell didn't; 1 married
him.
The Penn's Grove record., 1916-04-14

If you want anything done well, do
1t yourself. That is why most people
laugh at their own jokes.
The Penn's Grove record., 1916-04-14

advocate 81 n aerial coast patrol for all coasts, is young but well
known. Possibly above above all others he has obtained control by cleo
tr1cty without wire connection of objects detached and distant from the
source of the currents discharge. His boat controlled from the shore with
out pilot n crew, his aerial torpedo and other activities are new war
factors which may revoutionize military methods.
The Penn's Grove record., 1916-04-14
Left Alone.

This moth and flame stuff makes
me tired"
How SOP"
Il burned my money to supply the
flame. Then the moth flew away"
The Penn's Grove record., 1916-04-14

The clothing of a growing boy re-
fuses to grow with him.
The Penn's Grove record., 1916-04-14
War on Dirt.

War on Dirt.
What's this? Your house is all
:orn up. Things are a wreck"
MY wife has started her house
cleaning offensive"
The Penn's Grove record., 1916-04-14

She's making lots of money"
whats she doing?"
Running a correspondence school;
teaches the secret of success"
Just like a woman-to tell secrets"
The Penn's Grove record., 1916-04-14

Patriotism always stands in with
the government.
The Penn's Grove record., 1916-04-14
He Wondered.

BILL see electricity is being sue
cessfully used in France to ripen
cheese
The Penn's Grove record., 1916-04-14

Jill-Wonder if that's why we get
such a shock if the cheese sometimes
is too ripe?
The Penn's Grove record., 1916-04-14
CONSTIPATION
Causes Boils, Pimples, Blotches, Y~ellowness
of Skin, Bad Breath, Low Spirits, Dizziness,
Drowsiness, Nervousness, S c * Headache,
Poor Circulation, Bilious Attacks.
BOOTH-OVERTON
L%dxatiYe-LiVer Tablets

2elieve Constipation and all conditions arts.
ng therefrom. One tablet at night, once or
twice a week, will make you cat, sleep and
leel better.
They do not contain calomel or other harm.
kl ingredients.
You will not believe how gentle. yet thor.
ugh their action is until you have tried them.
send 10 cents and this advertisement INC. l6)
!or a trial package.
BOOTH 0VERT0A Co. II Broadway, New York
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1916-10-28
GREAT GROWTH OF HUGHES
NATIONAL COLLEGE LEAGUE

Thirty thousand college alumni
have enrolled so far in the Hughes
National College League, 511 Fifth
avenue, New York. The oldest living
graduate of Brown University which
graduated Governor Hughes, enrolled
this week. He is Rev. John Hunt
of Springfield, Ohio, ninety-three years
old, Brown, 1912.
The league challenged the Woodrow
Wilson College Mems League this
week to join it in having any repu-
table audit company in this city check
up Immediately from the original
cards your actual enrollments of
Princeton alumni and ours, your total
enro1lments and ours, and your en-
rollments from any college you may
select and ours"
The college men in the National
Guard along the Mexican border are
joining in droveS, according to the
officers of the league, and many have
written in to signify their discomfort
with the Administrations handling of
the Mexican situation
William r. Moody, son of Dwight
Lyman Moody, the famous evangelist,
wrote to the league offering his as
sistance in East Mortified, Mass, and
said:
81 am among those who feel very
strongly that it would be a National
disaster to have the present Admin
istration continued another season
feeling deeply the humiliation to
which our country has been subjected
in the sight of the world, by the lack
of any foreign policy. and by the
vacillation of its dealings"
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1916-10-28
MR.. WILSON YIELDED PART
LY TO FEAR, PARTLY TO
HOPE OF POLITICAL
PROFIT.

President Wilson yielded to
the dictation of the heads of the
Brotherhoods, and made no eff
fort to find out whether the de-
mand was right or wrong. He
made no effort to find out wheth-
er it could be complied with
without raising freight rates. He
made no effort to find out all
the equities in the case; those
affecting the men, those affect
ing the stockholders, those af-
fecting the shippers He took
his orders from that one of the
parties in interest which he
most feared. He insisted that
the law be passed without in
Quiry. And then he deferred the
operation of the law until after
election, which, Of course, could
only have been done for political
reasons. The question
at issue was not that of an eight
hour day at all. The question
was whether President and Con-
gress should enact a law, with
out Investigation and without
knowledge, to give increased
wages to a certain portion of
! the body of wage earners- The
labor leaders on this issue, with
out regard to the right or wrong
I of the matter, first coerced the
President. and then with his aid
Z coerced Congress The question
) at issue was not one OF the hours
!: of labor. 1t was one of wages.
! And 1t was. settled by the PreSi-
: dent and Congress without in
: vestigation and without knowl-
s edge The settlement was due
2 partly to fear, and partly to hope
$ OF political profit.-From the
Z Speech of Colonel Roosevelt at
$ Battle Greek, Michigan, in Be
z half of Mr.. Hughes
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1916-10-28
WILSON STRIKES WHEN
THE IRON is COLD.

President Wilson refused to
speak in Independence Hall on
the one hundred and twenty
eighth anniversary of the sign
ing of the Declaration of indie
pendence in that hall, and he SO
refused because inasmuch as
over one hundred of our men,
women and children had just
been murdered on the high seas
he regarded it as 'the very mo-
ment when he would not care
to arouse the sentiment of pa
triotism-" Mr.. Wilson has a posi-
tive genius for striking when
the iron is cold and fearing to
strike when the iron is hot IL
one hundred and twenty-eight
years ago Washington and JEFF
ferson, and the other men who
signed the Declaration of indie
pendence had felt the same way
about patriotism, and the same
way about fighting as Mr.. Will
son does, we would never have
had q country. Had Lincoln
felt the same way, there would
be no such thing as the Ameri-
can Republic now in existence
From the Speech of Colonel
Roosevelt at Battle Creek, Mich
igan. in Behalf of Mr. Hughes
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1916-10-28
MGNOBLE EASE" AND PEACE
Full SLOTH ARE
NOT PEACE.

There is nothing that we of
this country so much need as
to practice the doctrine of serv-
ice. AS a people we need the
steiner virtues even more than
we need the softer virtues. Ma
terial prosperity. bodily ease,
money, pleasure, are all deSir-
able; but woe to us If we con-
slider them as the be-an and end
all of our private lives or Of our
collective national lifei Woe
to US if our material prosperity
brings in it's wake lethargy of
spirit and deadneSS of soul ! Let
US in our lives apply the great
doctrines of duty and of service.
Above all let us realize that lof-
ty profession is a mischievous
sham when it is not translated
into efficient performance.
Among the companions of Luci-
fer in Millions mighty epic there
was none among the fiercer
fends so dangerous as he who
with words clothed in rea-
sons garb,
Counselled ignoble ease and
peaceful sloth,
Not peace"
From the Speech of Colonel
Roosevelt at Battle Creek, Mich
igan, in Behalf of Mr.. Hughes.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1916-10-28
THE NATION is SHOCKING
LY UNPREPARED.

1t is apparent that we are
shockingly unprepared. There
is no room for controversy on
this point since the object les
son on the Mexican border. All
our available regular troops
Cess, L believe, than 100000 are !
there or in Mexico, and as these
have been deemed insufficient
the entire National Guard has
been ordered out; that is, we
are suInmoning practically all
: our movable military forces in
order to present bandit incur
sions In view of the warnings
of the past three years, 1t is
inexcusable that we should find
ourselves in, this plight For
our faithful guardsmen, who
with a fine patriotism responded
to this call and are bearing this
burden, have nothing but
praise. But 1 think it little
short of absurd that we should
be compelled to call men from
their shops, their factories. their
such purpose. This, however,
is not all. The units of the Ma
tional Guard were at peace
strength, which was only about
one-half the required strength.
1t was necessary to bring in
recruits. for the most part raw
and unframed. Only a small
percentage of the regiments re-
cruited up to war strength will
have had even a years training
in the National Guard, which at
the maximum means one hum
dred hours of military drill, and,
on the average, means much
less. Men fresh from their
peaceful employments and ply
sically unprepared have been
hurried to the border for actual
service. They were without
| proper equipment; without
necessary supplies; suitable
conditions of transportation
| were not provided Men with
| dependent families were sent !;
| and conditions which should
/ have been well known were dis
covered after the event. And
yet the exigency, comparatively
speaking, was not very grave
one 1t involved nothing that
could not readily have been fore
seen during the past three years
of disturbance, and required
only a modest talent for organ
fzation. That this Administers
ton while pursuing its course
in Mexico should have permitted
/ such conditions to exist is all
most incredible.-From Mr..
Hughes speech of acceptance