The Irish standard. [volume] (Minneapolis, Minn. ;) 1886-1920, 1916-01-29

Il see," said Mr.. Dooley, eth king
Nv England has took tn pledge"
Eye don't say So" said Mr.. Hennes-
sy. well, tn poor fellow! Had he
been goin' at it pretty hard?"
Il hadn't heard so," said Mr.. Doc.
ley. Firm all know he's niver been
what ye might call brillyant drink
err. He has few accomplishments iv
any kind, tn poor, dear man, an is
far diff'rent firm his father, who was
my idee Nv what I'd like if l was a
king. That great monarch was a
round an jovyal person who loved to
look at tn foolish wurruld through
tn bubbles, had an eye FIR an ankle.
and niver let tn ponies go to tn post
without havin' bet down. Tn pris-
int king is like ye'silf, Hinnissy, a
domesticated animile or respectable
married man. His wife buys his see-
gars, an it's tn height Nv revelry FIR
him to haul up in front Nv tn stove
in tn avenin' an wurruk out tn chess
problems in tn weekly pa-apers. At
iliven he puts out tn dog an locks
tn dure. An he's in his rile pajamas
an sound asleep e'er liver tn cuckoo
comes out Nv tn clock to proclaim tn
hour Nv midnight. They'se nawthin'
conspicuous about him. He's what We
might call good journeyman king,
who reminders names, puts his
money by, stays at home nights, an
niyer splashes tn mortar whin he lays
cornerstone.
mo, sir, tn king has took tn pledge
not FIR himsilf but FIR his subjicks an
FIR patriotic raison. What is it,
says We? Nawthin' less, me boy, thin
to make tn wurrukin' men Nv England
go to wurruk. It's what Hogan calls
Hurculean task. If theirs wan kind
Nv sport that tn wurrukin' classes Nv
England ARE not addicted to, it's
wurruk. They ARE called 'wurrukin'
classes on tn same principle that
Tom Upton, who sells tea an jam,
is called knight. 1t is a title an
not description. But tn king has
decided they ought to live up to it.
An be the same token, perhaps he'll
make ivrybody in England do tn
same. The first thing we know, Tom
Upton may be made to put on SCOT
Nv tin plate an go out an rescue tn
fair Mrs. Pankhurst an gain her hand
in marredge. An all tn jocks will
be set to wurruk jookin', and the
house Nv lords will be thransformed
firm dormitory into hive Nv indus.
three.
''Ye see, tn kings idee is that if
tn wurrukin' people cud be lured firm
tn gin-mill they might be coaxed into
tn ammynition facthry. Whin a
dhrinkin man amt dhrinkin', time
hangs heavy on his hands. There's
little FIR him to do but go home or to
wurruk. TIL king thinks that If he
don't drink his subjicks won't Laste-
ways, that's tn idee Lord Kitchener
has put in tn good mans head, an
what Lord Kitchener says goes. He's
the rale boy in England these days.
Ye see, whinniver England gets into
trouble she always berries an Irish
man to get her out iv it. Lord Kitch-
ener is not a rale 1rishman. His first
name is Herbert. But he was tn only
Irishman tn English cud get at quick
notice to rule over thin. In time Nv
peace little attintion had been paid
to him. All he done in thin days was
to 60 around tn wurrul1 maxim faces
at tn ladies. FIR Lord Kitchener is
what tn pa-apers call a misogymist.
No, I don't name bachelor. A bache.
lor is man that loves all tn ladies
SO much he can't make a choice.
That's me. But a misogymist is a
man that has yet to see tn lady that