davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Bridgeport evening farmer. [volume] (Bridgeport, Conn.) 1866-1917, 1916-03-10
JOHN M. BUTEER.

The funeral of John M. Butler was
held from the mortuary chapel of
Henry E. Bishop at $3.50 this after
noon Rev. William H. Eley, pastor
of the A. M. E. Zion church conducted
the services which were attended by
a delegation from the Elias Howe, Jr.,
post, G. A r. Burial was in the SOL
diers' plot. Mountain Grove cemetery.
The Bridgeport evening farmer. [volume] (Bridgeport, Conn.) 1866-1917, 1916-03-10

Following the blizzard at Calumet,
Mich, in which eight inches of snow
fell, railroads there have resumed
their schedules.
The Bridgeport evening farmer. [volume] (Bridgeport, Conn.) 1866-1917, 1916-03-10
Punderford Promises
More Push Buttons
For Pre- Pay Trolleys

Push buttons near every seat in
the pay-as-you-enter cars will be in
stalled according to a promise made
the public utilities commission by Su-
The Bridgeport evening farmer. [volume] (Bridgeport, Conn.) 1866-1917, 1916-03-10

he is survived by two daughters,
Ethel May and Julia Booth Budding
ton, a son, Edward Warren Budding
ton and a brother, Louis B. Budding
The Bridgeport evening farmer. [volume] (Bridgeport, Conn.) 1866-1917, 1916-03-10

The police have in their possession
a physicians handbag, containing
many surgical Instruments. The bag
Is at headquarters awaiting a. claim
ant.
The Bridgeport evening farmer. [volume] (Bridgeport, Conn.) 1866-1917, 1916-03-10
OBITUARY
PEARL SMITH.

Pearl, the one-year-old daughter of
Mr.. and Mrs. Leonard Henry Smith,
died yesterday at the home of her
parents, 228 DeForest avenue
Evening public ledger. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1914-1942, 1916-03-25

fed. War to a country Is like law
suits to business man, Birsky. They
eat him up NIT expenses, y'under-
stand, and nine times out Of ten it
don't make no difference II he wins
or loses, he is broke anyhow"
"Did say he wasn't?" Birsky con-
tinued. "But if a business man let's
it be known that he would do any
thing rather than go into a lawsuit,
y'understand, his customers would
claim shortages before they unpack
the goods; his travelling statesmen
would sell his samples on him; his
bookkeeper would take taxicab rides
NIT the petty cash; his competitors
would steal his designs; his foreman
would pad the payroll, and finally,
when it is seen that he wouldn't do
nothing about it, the small fry gets
busy. One of the buttonhole makers
claims an unlawful discharge. and
sues him in Municipal Court that
the boss hired him for term of one
year at $12 week in front of two
disinterested witnesses with 25 per
cent. interest in the verdict When
the foreman gets fired he brings a
$4,000 action for libel on account of
being called dirty crook, and also
acts as witness in three $4,000 suits
against the boss by operators which
alleges personal injuries from falling
downstairs and they got no difficulty
in proving that the stairs was de-
fective on account they made 'em so
with a hatchet the day before the ac-
cident. And that's the way it goes,
Zapp. Nobody has got so many law
suits as business man who would do
anything to avoid lawsuit. And if
feller claims to be long-suffering,
Zapp, there's plenty people would
oblige him that way"
Evening public ledger. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1914-1942, 1916-03-25

corpse of flying machines would be-
gin dropping on the Fifth avenue re-
tail district bombs filled with garlic,
salami, Parmesan cheese, table dote
red wine and other strong Italian ex-
plosives. l tell you, Zapp, when it
comes to this here German subma-
rine proposition, the United States of
America amt no more united than
the United Cigar Stores of America
would be if its statesmen was inviting
its competitors to walk right in and
help themselves to the stock, in par
ticular the choice perfectos; because
them Americans which has got bust
ness important enough to make them
risk trip to Europe in these times
is the best stock of the country. Take
A. G. Vanderbilt, Charles Frohman
and Lindon Bates, and lot of other
Americans who went down on the
Lusitania, and they were perfectos
and invincibles worth a couple of
thousand such stogies and rough
smokers as we got I'm Congress today,
Zapp."
"That's all right, too, Birsky,"
Zapp commented. "You can call Con-
gressmen saffron, stogies and any
other vegetable from lemons to on
ions, BirslSy, aber if they can keep
America out of this war 1 am salts
Evening public ledger. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1914-1942, 1916-03-25

"Really and truly, we are Ameri-
cans with a handful of Germans"
Birsky said.
"Then it seems to me that the Ger
mans in Congress is making an awful
Geschrei for only a handful" Zapp
commented.
"Sure, l know" Birsky replied,
"but the German element in Congress
is like saffron in the soup, Zapp. A
little pinch, y'understand, will turn
a whole gallon yellow. In fact, zapp,
the way some Congressman is be-
having, you would think that if
America goes to work and gets an
American ship sunk on her by Ger
many and there happens to be cou-
pie German-Americans drowned on
it, y'understand, Milwaukee, Hobo
ken, st. Louis, Cincinnati and the
Hamburg and Knicherbocker avenue
sections of the Brooklyn 81" would
declare war on the United States.
Furthermore, if there's some Irish
men sunk on the same boat, Senator
O'Gorman would give up his Amer
lean citizenship and become a natu-
rallied Milwaukeean, while if GOtt
soil hueten an Italioner or so would
be killed, y'understand, Mulberry
Bend wouldn't even bother to call
back her Ambassador before her
Evening public ledger. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1914-1942, 1916-03-25
P A r T II

"DID you ever hear the like,
~ Zapp" Louis Birsky exclaim-
ed, the morning after the McLemore
resolution was tabled. eve must got
to go to war because a couple dudes
in New York amt satisfied to buy
their clothes where their fathers
made their money, y'understand, but
must take a trip over to London and
buy English clothes, so that they
could walk around looking like they'd
come down with Bright's disease the
day after the last fitting and lost 25
pounds weight before the suit was
delivered. Honestly, Zapp, it's a
Mitzvuh to submarine such fellers,
and this here McLemon, instead of
warning them not to travel on Eng
lish boats, should have requested
them to do so as a favor to their
families and the New York custom
tailoring business. Senator O'Gor-
man was right, Zapp. We are living
in America, not England"
"Aber l thought you said the day
before yesterday that O'Gorman
thought this was Ireland instead of
America" Zapp said. "Evidencely
you changed your mind, Birsky."
"Supposing l did," Birsky retorted,
"a feller which claims he never
changes his mind might just so we'll
boast that he never changes his
Evening public ledger. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1914-1942, 1916-03-25

collar, Zapp. ] amt like some people
which never read nothing but the
letters in their morning mail, Zapp.
open once in a while a newspaper,
Zapp, and when I read the speeches
which some of them Congressman
made it, 1 admit I am mistaken in
them fellers. They know what they
are talking about, Zapp, and why
should l go to work and put myself
in position where some one is liable
to schencb me gallon or so of
liquid fire? Maybe you like such
things, Zapp. Might you would en-
joy sitting in a trench somewheres
around Coney Island and with
nothing but the United States Navy,
such as it is, between you and a
couple million German soldiers carry
ing bombs, and the things inside of
them bombs that's going to hurt you
least is sulphuric acid and red hot
rusty nails"
"Listen, Birsky," Zapp reassured
him; "them fellers in Congress is
alarmists."
"Sure, I know-alarmists!" !" Birsky
said. "You can say that! You've
got floating kidney and gall stones,
Zapp, but everybody amt so lucky as
you. l got examined for additional
insurance in the I. o. NJ. A. last
week, and the doctor said I would
pass for 10 years younger than l am.
Oo-ee! My poor wife!"
"What are you talking nonsense,
Birsky?" Zapp said. eff the worser
comes to the worst, they wouldn't
Evening public ledger. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1914-1942, 1916-03-25
Rainbows, Rainbows
Everywhere
$1,000 o Them!
WHAT DOES "ANsWER" MEAN?

Dear little boy and he had father who
father when he
little boy WE'LL the going and so he said his son.
an and if write letter will you answer rF
Papa, what mean?" asked the
st speak return replied the father III send
you a letter. you in return"
(SYes; I'll do that" said the boy.
There but the best OF all the SOFT
answer which all discussionops all quarreling.
There nothing school which is important than
ANSWERING speaks must answer When que
lions asked in examinations you must ANSWER them
The point answering THINK before answer
One club is if follow these talks and
our stories answering the questions will learn to ANSWER not only
quickly, but ACCURATELY,
always wise thing that into head
but instance, of editors
questions is "How much dirt hole three feet squeT VI course
here NO dirt in a
in makeup there is what called I'M
PULSE IMPULSE be careful to control
Study that word and remember that an
mp and that your tells how heart working
going question: Do want
picture n paper7 l 70 how YOU answer ME-
FARMER SMITH,
Chldrens Editor, EVENING LEDGER
Evening public ledger. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1914-1942, 1916-03-25

take you for soldier. You are too
DID,"
"What do you mean-too old?"
Birsky retorted. "At my age Napo-
leon Bonaparte selig was fighting the
battle of Waterloo nebich, and Cen
eral Grant olav hGsholom was older
yet when he had his troubles in 1861.
So what show do / stand?"
"Schmooes, Birskyw Zapp said.
Fright now you could be as strong
and healthy as jeff Willard even, and
long before the United States goes to
war your friends would be sitting
around your front parlor, and some
of 'em says you left will and others
says you didn't, and anyhow the
estate was eaten up by the doctors
bills from such lingering sickness.
There's more expensive ways of dy-
ing than in the trenches, Birsky. But,
anyhow, Birsky, if we should got to
go to war and we needed it men so
badly that they asked an alter Bocher
like you to fight, y'understand, you
wouldn't be talking this way. You
would want to fight. It's like if you
and me was arguing whether cham
payner wine is good for the human
body, y'understand, you would tell
me it is poison already; aber if was
to say to you, Come, Birsky, we will
drink a bottle champayner wine to-
gether,' the chances is that feller
which makes a god out of his stom-
ach the way you do would get away
with couple quarts at my expense,
even if you would got from it
Evening public ledger. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1914-1942, 1916-03-25
Farmer Smiths Duck Book

well, 1t had two feet. just like me, but
1t had no web on them and It was all
covered with something-not feathers
and It had bill. just as I have. and a
hole under the bin and two funny things
on each side of its head. and it's wings
hadn't any feathers on them and"
Il guess you must have seen a little
boy" answered the good mother.
''And what is a boy7" asked Dottle.
why, boy is a boy" said Mrs. Duck
Il don't know what else 10 call him You
are a duck and that Is all You're
you're just duck and not . boy and =
boy is not a duck. Besides. a boy can
talk and you can only quack"
"Oh! l see," said Dottie
mo, you don't see." said her mother
There are lots and lots OF people who
don't know what boy IS and there arc
lots and lots OF people who do not know
what a duck is. We have TO can things
by name 50 we will know what We are
talking about"
"Ohp was all Dottie could say Tor 4
few minutes and then she asked; DO
boys grow on trees2"
Ny dear you must not ask 50 many
questions You viii only be allowed %
ask one question every day altar thiS
We'll. mother. my question for tofay--
my ONE question e. Are those fealh4z4
on that little boys head2
Me- answered Mrs. Duck. THAT IS
hair
.aIotber. what 3 halr9
But that was TOO much Tor Mrs lllek.
so zhe toadied quickly alaz e iAo H4
Evening public ledger. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1914-1942, 1916-03-25
PAR T l

L n " Il
lrrTELL, you got to give them fell
III WI Wlers credit" Louis Birsky, the
sal estater, said the day before the
lWeIemore resolution was tabled.
;rrbey amt throwing no bluffs, Zapp.
THEY'RE scared to death and they ad-
m L. Their idea is that if Germany
Ills any more Americans that Ger
many would go to war with us,
understand, so Senator Gore and
This here McLemon wants to make a
motion that if Germany kills any
more Americans it should be reckon
sd as suicide and not murder, and if
the policy amt been in force one year,
understand me, the insurance COM
pany wouldn't got to pay"
aThe insurance companies owns
them fellers,' Barnett Zapp, the
waist manufacturer, commented.
nThe insurance companies is got
nothing to do with it, Zapp," Birsky
rtorted. "You are like whole lot Of
people, Zapp. You are always will
Ing 10 abuse a Senator. You should
ought to be careful what you say
rbout them fellers. They're honest,
even If they would be towards. Not
that | don't think them poor !Schle-
niels is right, at that. Why should
the whole country go to war just be-
cause a couple of Americans gets
killed."
"A couple amt much," Zapp
agreed, "aber how many Americans
Is Germany entitled to kill before we
get mad enough to fight?"
"She amt told US yet" Birslly
said.
1who amt told us?" zapp in
quired.
Germany" Birsky replied.
"Aber why should Germany tell
us!" zapp asked. Saint America a
big enough country to know what to
Do without asking Germany first?"
Seemingly not,' Birsky replied.
That's the whole trouble between
Mr.. Wilson and Congress, Zapp. Mr..
Wilson claims like you do, that
America should act according to
American law, and Congress says we
should act according to German law
which Germany makes since the war
started"
"Well, what are we anyway" Zapp
asked, Americans or Germans?"
Evening public ledger. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1914-1942, 1916-03-25
The New Member

BY JACK BURGESS. Cedar avenue.
Little George Walker went out of the
house to play. He was quite happy and
he ought to have been happy for he had
just received his Rainbow Club button.
He had it on the lapel OF his coat, and
as he started down the street a big boy
came walking toward him.
What's that button boy7" he asked.
looking at the Rainbow button. IT'S a
Farmer Smiths Rainbow Club button"
replied Georgie. do you get the EVENING
LEpGER2"
Yes. my father buys H." replied the
boy. Il think remember reading about
that club"
would you like to Join ar asked
Georgie. The boy heslIated q mement and
then said WAY, there aren't any boys
- Bis - ne are thsEs1-s HOW old are
Evening public ledger. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1914-1942, 1916-03-25
Our PostoRce Box

roar more little girls answered the ap-
peai for little girls clothing which ap-
ss4sed In recent issue OF the EVENIEa
,AloHA They are Esther Dinsmore
sAs''en avenue; Mamie Greenstein. Wal
,-'s street; Isabel Troxill. Burlington, N.
and Dorothy Cole, Norwood street,
3 Efsfl'antown. Many thanks to these lit
ioiks whose generous hearts are so
''1qy % help out"
Shlidren's Play Is the name of a very
'esung story which comes from the
'.r u Marie Berhalter, OF East Tusculum
"A Dutch Boy Is the subject OF a
,,..'-rios by A. Dorszewski which Is apt TO
I,,,e shortly In the art gallery. Two
n sisters Augustine and Olga coeeia,
e'ptn Franklin street. are constant,
f'sff-pight readers
Evening public ledger. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1914-1942, 1916-03-25

MdgerbeschUerden for a month AZ
terwards."
Birsky fipped the fingers Of both
hands deri5ively.
"For all the stomach trouble people
would get from you blowing 'em to
champayner wine, Zapp," he said,
"the soda mint manufacturers might
just SO well go into the ammunition
business and be done with it."
"Well, there you got the whole
thing in a NUTSHELL" declared Zapp,
who was beginning to think he had
gone a little too far in the statement
of his hypothetical case. He there
fore changed the conversation. "The
trouble with Americans is not that
they shouldn't ought to travel across
the ocean, but that they shouldn't
ought to manufacture ammunition
for them fellers in Europe; and it
don't make no difference that Con-
gress couldn't pass a law to prevent
'em from doing it; Americans should
ought to be decent enough to stop it
without being told"
"Why should they stop it?" Birslxy
said. "They amt doing no harm"
"What do you mean-they amt
doing no harm?" Zapp asked.
"Why, you take feller which used
to was in the art needlework busi-
ness and is now manufacturing shrap-
mel, y'understand," Birsky explained,
"and when they fire one of his bombs
somewheres in France, and it bursts
over the 1st Brandenburger Schuetzen
Corpse, the chances is hundred to
one that nothing drops out of it but
two and six-twelfth dozen dotted
Swiss doolies that the Teller has had
on hand since 1902 and couldn't dis
pose of otherwise. It's the same way
with a breakfast food manufactures
which is now making up 13A Inch
shells. The English h superdread-
nought Lord Rothschild fires a whole
broadside of them shells at the Ger
man battle cruiser Prinz wilhelm
Franz Heinrich August II, y'under-
stand, and not only there amt Ger
man sailor wounded, y'understand,
but for the rest of the war them poor
fellows is living on scrambled oats
which was swept up from the decks
the day after the battle, and which
the breakfast food manufactures
tried his best and couldn't even give
away in every pure food show from
Eastport, Me-, to San Diego after an
advertising campaign costing $780,
0OO."
"Then if that's the kind of bombs
they're using in this war, Birsky,"
Zapp said, "why should you worry?"
"I'm speaking from A erican
bombs," Birslly said. German bombs
is different, Zapp. When Zeppeliner
drops one of them bombs on babies
hospital in mistake for a dockyard,
Zapp, he's confident that it was made
back home in Germany by regular
bombmaker, and not fellers which
used to was in the ladies' necl1wear
manufacturing and couldn't make a
success of it. Because, you can say
what you please about the Germans,
Zapp, commercially speaking, they're
as honest as the day."
Evening public ledger. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1914-1942, 1916-03-25

a#al . AeNAA am =
small goblin, dressed
IN green and red,
carried her OF 10 a
pala c Q called { h 9
Candy Home.
She walked up the
stairs Of striped pep
permints F; she found
her way into a small
bedroom. There We're
peppermint cradles
with sugar babies in
them. The King that
lived In the palace
was dressed In a
brown robe made OF
Evening public ledger. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1914-1942, 1916-03-25
HONOR ROLL CONTEST

The following children won prizes for
answering the questions OF Things TO
Know and DO" for the week ending
March 1Ss
Dorothy Hainss. North 5th street,
81.
Irvine Woodward, Musgravs street.
so cents.
Marguerite LaFlin. North Broad
street, rs cents.
Aithea Baghurst, FslfOrd, Pa. rs
cents.
Bessie walthsr, North s4th street.
rs cents.
Anna HarbisOH, Gloucester. n. J..
20 cents.
Evening public ledger. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1914-1942, 1916-03-25
Things to Know and Do

l. Write Goodnight Talk that you
would like TO see published.
g. Why is a nobleman like book
(Sent Ia BY Eleanor Koons. Wynnewoodl
s. Build as many words - you can
from SHOEMAKER
Evening public ledger. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1914-1942, 1916-03-25
DOttie Duckling Sees a Boy

DothV DuShiihB oSSS DOy
WoU see, Dottie Duckling had not been
i In this world very long, and one day as
she was toddling toward the Big Pond
she saw the funniest looking thing she
had ever seen and she ran to her mother
and said;
"oh, mother, come! saw the funniest
little thing !"
What was it like7" asked the good
mother.
Evening public ledger. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1914-1942, 1916-03-25

ELEANOR GkINNAN moIassea caIuyl he
(the KING was very angry az Lily, for
she was biting of the heads ~ the
sugar babies. and she was rather rude
Tor she bit on The Kings head The candy
people an ran toward heE and just then
sbs woke upi
Evening public ledger. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1914-1942, 1916-03-25
pAnd Nine Times Out
Of Ten" He Adds, "It
Don't Make No Diff
ference if He Wins or
Loses, He Is Broke
Anyhow"

pirskv and Zapp Are Discuss
mo the Pros and Cons of
warning Americans Off
Armed Liners, and When the
latter Takes a Fling at Con-
Cress, Birsky Indignantly
Saws, "You Are Like a Whole
Lot of People, You Are AL
ways willing to Abuse a
Senator"
Evening public ledger. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1914-1942, 1916-03-25
FARMER SMITH,
EVENING LEDGER (:

1 wish to become a member OF your
Rainbow Club. Please send me a beau
tiful Rainbow Button free. l agree
20 DO "A LITTLE KINDNESS EACH
AND EVERY DAY - SPREAD A
LITTLE SUNSHINE ALL ALONG
THE WAY,
Name ...................
Address ................s..
age -....-.+.- .-..ssssssss.s..s.
School 1 attend ..........,..,......
Evening public ledger. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1914-1942, 1916-03-25

you, twslvsg' said Gsorgie. YES said
the stranger
Geofgie gave him the membership blank
and be joined.
Evening public ledger. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1914-1942, 1916-03-25

No Heaven Him-"ama" Mary twill
when de?" "Ye, Mary DEAR answered mother 81
continued Mary hope I'll you'll
"and hope will too" "oh can't added
wisely "why he can't leave the storeP
Evening public ledger. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1914-1942, 1916-03-25
The Sweet Land

By ELEANOR GRINNAN.
Once there was a little girl named Lily
One night she was sitting on a chair when
suddenly she found herself wandering be-
Evening public ledger. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1914-1942, 1916-03-25
The Weather
A Blue-eyed Violet
WINKED
AT Mel
SATURDAY EVENING SMILES

No Wonder He Knew"Who teacher big b
who had lately Joined her class 81 don't know said he Don't now sA
exclaimed "You ought ashamed of yourself boy 12 old Wh
little Johnny Jonehe threehe
here johnny who
"Thee" the teacher tumphanty ~ he would
"Wel he oughter said the stupid boy tain but little while
Evening public ledger. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1914-1942, 1916-03-25

Mothers ObMoh punished Dy day being naughty
all long remained though waiting
his father home he him Daddy
somfn for please please discharge
Evening public ledger. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1914-1942, 1916-03-25

BOYS AND GIRLS.
feu want - cara money after
.tnpl apd - saturdays. write i
tasnes snslsh.
Hopkinsville Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1889-1918, 1916-01-06
BEST HOUSES FOR CHICKENS
One Subject on Which Successful
Poultrymen Agree-Fresh Air and
Sunshine Are Essential.

The most successful poultrymen we
have today differ point blank on al
most any subject, if we except that OF
housing. On this point they will agree.
Any kind of house will answer the
purpose, so long as it provides ade-
quate room, sunshine and an abun-
dance of fresh air so admitted that
no draft strikes the inmates.
Given a cool, dry house, your fowls
are reasonably safe; warm, damp
house and you have a roup producer.
Repeated experiments have proved
that fowls are more nearly in their
natural environment when housed in
dry, cold, fresh-air houses, than when
in artificially heated ones. The egg
production is much better in the for
mer kind In the matter Of Matching
and broodmg, it has been found that
the eggs hatch much better, and the
chicks are stronger. from stock housed
in the open-air houses. Many times
when the chicks do not escape the
she'll the trouble is laid to the in
cubator. when, as a matter of fact, it
was caused by tho breeders becoming
short in vim and vigor from wrong
winter care.
Hopkinsville Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1889-1918, 1916-01-06
Woman Past Help.

Chandler, Okla. In a letter from
this place, Mrs. Ella Flowers says: II
hardly know how to thank you for
the good Cardui has done me. Be
fore tried Csrdui. thought was
past help. but after taking it l was
relieved at once. and gained 10
pounds. Every body says / look so
much better. | am still improving
greatly" Many woman are COM
pletely worn lout end discouraged,
on account Of womsnly weakness.
Are yop? Have you not tried Car.
dui2 II only needs few doses to
convince you that Cardui is just
what you need. Try it today. 1t
will cure your pains. Advertise
ment.