davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1916-09-24
bad HAMMERED SOUTH

From the Christian Science Monitor.
The expression bad hammered south
is used in several newspapers in speak
ing of the heckling and interruption of
Charles Evans Hughes during his recent
address before a miscellaneous gathering
in Nashville, Tenn. Why south? Are
had manners particularly or peculiarly of
the south, or are they found occasionally
in the east and west also? 1t may not be
deemed bad manners by some, but it will
be deemed bad judgment by all thought
full people to bring in sectionalism in a
case of this kind
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1916-09-24
LUKE M'LUKE SAYS"

Copyright. 1916, by the Cincinnati En-
quirer)
Women are queer critters. The IL
year-olds want their skirts long enough
to hide their legs and the 40-year-olds
want their skirts short enough to show
them.
A flat chested girl can wear the waist
band of her skirt under her arms. But
a corn fed has to wear it lower down.
1t has just about gotten to a point
where the only difference between a
girls bathing suit and a girls street
gown is that the bathing suit doesn't ex-
pose as much of her chest as does the
street gown. When it comes to displaying
the props the suit and the gown run
$685.
1t is now proposed to number the
hours of the day from l to a. What's
the use? A married man will get as
much Halifax when he comes home at
half-past % o'clock as he did before the
change was made.
You may not believe it. But it hurts
corn fed girl as much to have to
sit on a hard chair as 1t does a thin
girl.
We know something about men, and
If the male members of Lots party had
imagined that Lots wife had stopped
to fasten up something when she Jagged
| behind they would all have looked back.
| man isn't half as ashamed to be
caught in raid on poker game as he
| would be to be found attending an up
| lift meeting.
| Some people get wrong ideas into their
heads The real reason why the blush
| ing bride bushes is because she Is
ashamed of herself for having taken ad-
vantage of the poor fish she hooked and
| landed
The big difference between man and
mule is that mule usually has some
reason for kicking when he kicks.
II nature happens to give girl all that
is coming to her in the line OF anatomy
she imagnes that 1t Is up to her to
dress so as to prove 1t.
| single man imagines that 1t takes a
| girl long time to make up her face.
But wait until he gets married and see
! how long it takes her to make up her
mind.
Another thing we can't understand
about woman is that she will oawl
| until she gets a silk petticoat and then
| feel like bawling if it happens to snow
beneath her skirt when she is out.
| Love is blind. Many man courts a
| girl for two years and never discovers
chat she has mustache until after they
have been married for two months.
No man likes bully or hard guy
| But the truth of the matter is that we
are all more polite to man we know
| will fight than we are to man we
| know will run.
man might wear wig and get by
with it. But a woman never fools any
body when she pants her face.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1916-09-24
IN BIRMINGHAM is in line for the
i00 government armor plate plant,
and eventually for q munitions

IN BIRMINGHAM is in line for the
iN government armor plate plant,
and eventually for munitions
factory.
At the hearing in Washington last
week, which 1 attended, James Bow
ron made the one practical, concrete
speech of the occasion. He showed
wherein the government could make
armor plate cheaper in Birmingham
than in any other place In America.
From all points of view-especially
for assembling the raw material-Bir-
mingham was proven to be the practi
cal place for this factory.
Only politics or political influence
can take it elsewhere.
The people of Birmingham should get
behind this movement; should invite
the Secretary of the Navy and the
Naval Board here and give them a
practical demonstration of Birming-
hams advantages.
The government may decide to build
a plant directly on the Warrior river
adjacent to Birmingham. To all prac-
teal purposes this would be the same
as building it in Birmingham proper,
for we shall soon have both ideal pub
lie roads and low grade railroad to
the Warrior.
I learned in Washington and New
York that the presidential compaign
is to be conducted much on the order
of the Mckinley Bryan campaign in
1896.
Volumes of money are to be ex-
pended by the republicans.
The railroad managers and owners,
the bankers. the big shippers and what
is known as the Wall street element,
are supreme1y indignant with President
Wilson for his action in regard to the
railroad strike. They claim that he
messed into the situation for the pur-
pose of winning the labor vote. They
claim he has created condition In this
country which will mean endless dis
cord between labor and capital. They
claim he has Endorsed labor organiza-
lions, and has given encouragement to
the political walking delegates, who
will always be stirring up strife and
discord in the labor world.
For these reasons, they will spend
any amount of money to defeat him.
I asked a banker whom / met in
Washington. who is an independent but
4 who voted for Wilson four years ago
what his people proposed to do in the
campaign.
Spend any amount of money neces-
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1916-09-24
NED BRACE TALKS ABOUT THE CAMPAIGN
OF MONEY BEING MADE AGAINST WILSON

closing it down, as he was principally
making sugar machinery. and there was
little demand for It. However. he took
into his company George M. Morrow. Jr.,
a graduate Of the West Point Military
academy, who had been In the army, but
resigned after serving his required Pc
Rod Mr. Morrow, with business enthu-
siasm, sought new fields. and today the
plant is a hive of industry, and is MAXI
ing minis Of money. The demand for
sugar machinery. from Cuba was never so
great as now. This plant is doing much
of the business which formerly went to
ST. Louis.
But better still, he has recently secured
ar order from the navy department for
1900 14-inch projectiles for target practice
by the navy's big guns.
These projectiles are made of cast iron,
IA inches in diameter and more than
three feet long and Weighing 144o pounds
each. They are cast from Birmingham
pig iron are properly machined, and
have bands of copper shrunk on them
in order to fit into the grooves Of the
guns and give them the necessary rotary
motion.
In actual warfare these projectles ara
made of steel, but for target practice
they are made of cast iron.
The other plant I refer to is the Amer
lean Bolt company, which is making nuts
and bolts in East Birmingham. Mr..
j. H Mohns, as president, and his SOM
p. H. Mohns, practically own and OPP
crate this plant. They employ about 100
men, and are making nothing but nuts
and bolts, from the smallest size to those
used in railroad and bridge construction.
Iney are uSlHB OVV lOlS VI 1HSlcy Stccl
a month. Their largest customer is the
Tennessee company, but they supply the,
southern territory from the Mississippi
to the Atlantic, and every jobbing house,
in this territory is now handling Bir-
mingham made nuts and bolts.
genuine workers who know the business
from the ground up, so to speak. and
they are making money as fast as they
are making nuts and bolts. Nobody ever
hears Of them in the newspapers or
around the street corners, but they are
giving a splendid, concrete example of
how successful many people in Birming-
ham could be If they would go to work
with their brains and hands rather than
with their vocal chords.
like to see and tell of the successes.
people are making. 1t Is so much better
than finding fault with conditions.
I,esDd3,ueQ
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1916-09-24

sary to defeat wilson" he promptly
replied.
II was for Wilson until he surren-
dered the American government, the
railroads, the manufacturing concerns
and the banking interests to labor agi-
tators."
ITO show how I feel" he added in
conclusion, II will bet you any amount
at two to one that Wilson is defeated"
1 heard many others talk in like
manner and was told that the repub-
lican campaign managers had been in
structed to spend any amount of money
necessary to carry the doubtful states.
This means another such campaign
as Mark Hanna conducted in 1896 when
1T was admitted that $14,ooo,ooO was
spent by the republicans in conducting
the successful Mckinley campaign.
Fortunately for the democrats, many OF
the progressives have eliminated them
selves entirely from the republican party
and will vote for Wilson. This element
of discomfort may elect Wilson, but we
democrats are facing a serious political
situation when the big financial inter-
ests Of the country are giving the re-
publican campaign committee not only
their influence, but every dollar of
money which they might need to use
either legitimately or otherwise
Right now. the situation looks badly
for the democratic party, but there may
be another change of public sentiment
within 30 days.
AS matter of fact, 80 days ago the
betting was in favor of Wilson. His &C
ton in the strike situation turned the
tide against him. Thirty days hence
something else may turn the tide in his
favor.
Although everything favors Hughes
now, no one can tell what will happen
ir November.
Whatever happens in politics, this Biz
mingham District is in the rapids of
prosperity, and it's boats of industry are
shooting the chutes of almost fabulous
prosperity.
Look at Gulf States Steel, for instance.
Two years ago it was bankrupt. Today
L am told it is making a quarter of a
million dollars month net profit.
Il X
A few days ago l visited a couple of
comparatively small plants here the &C.
tivities of which surprised me-
One of them was the Birmingham Ma
cLine and Foundry company, a concern
at East Birmingham, which was doing
but little two years ago. Indeed DIR.
r. w. Boland, it's principal owner at
that time, was seriously thinking of
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1916-09-24
BLUCHER IN THE HOSPITAL
L. To- sxoIa Dun <,1,l,o

From the Tagliche Runschan.
At the time of the seven years war
there was very little knowledge of sur
gerry, and the surgeons were often no
more than BARRIERS. inexperienced and I'M
educated. They were commonly lnown
as the Company of Pain.' {, name that
fitted them admirably.
Z Lieutenant Butcher, afterward the ia
nous field marshal. was wounded in tho
foot by a musket ball. At the hospital
to which he was carried several sur
geons began to probe the wound and cut
promiscuously n, it's vicinity. Finally
Blucher inquired, in spite Of the pain
what sort of tailoring are YOU trying
to do? The wound Is large enough al.
ready should Think
Were looking for the bullet" an.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1916-09-24
WELL. HARDLY.

did the star impress you with the
sincerity Of her performace?'
she did In fact. I'm sure the tears
she shed were genuine"
why do you think SOP"
"As the play was tragedy. and not
a comedy. don't think she would have
dared to squeeze handkerchief that
had been previously soaked in water"
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1916-09-24

TTUNDREDS Of little sufferers IN
IL Il New York who have recovered
from infantile paralysis, face life GRIP
pled and MANNED from this terrible
disease. A touching and unique form
Of charity is that embodied in the
"brace fund" to
BRACE Fund for which more than
Paralysis Victims $4,000, has al
ready been con-
tributed and placed at the disposal Oh
the department of health to BUY
braces for crippled children.
Whoever suggested the idea struck
a sympathetic chord. The response
made was both prompt and generous.
The amount donated is doubtless more
than sufficient to provide braces for
all needy little ones, since the disease
was not confined to the poorer part OF
the population.
Perhaps the most narrowing effect
Of infantile paralysis is the physical
condition in which it leaves victims so
fortunate-or so unfortunate, in many
cases-as to recover. The twisted
limbs of many children, doomed to
suffer for life, bear testimony to
what was perhaps the worst epidemic
of its kind ever recorded in this coun-
try.
a WRITER in the New York Amer
EA lean points out that armored
caterpillar cars, which have inspired
war correspondents to frenzy OF de-
scription and have been the subject OF
many lengthy editorials in American
newspapers, are not
Germans Used new. In fact, cars
Caterpillar Cars of similar type
were used by the
Germans when they made their first
dash through Belgium and into France,
with Paris as their objective.
The newspaper reader, whose mem
DRY is VIGOROUSLY short, is advised to
look back in the files of two years ago
for accounts of these cars, and pic
lures as we'll. The terror they are
said to have inspired in the Germans
recently must have existed largely in
the imagination of correspondents and
the stories Of French and British Of
ficers from whom the correspondents
got their information"
AS a matter of fact, tractors, as
anyone will readily recall, were used
by the Germans, not only in Belgium
and France, but in the Galician often
sive also. 1t is probable that their
performances are almost as remark
able as the Britons claim them to be,
but the efficient Teutons had not over
looked this highly effective engine of
destruction.
EOR several days past New Orleans
y has been "all upset." not from
any fear of epidemic, for the city was
never healthier; not from threatened
labor trouble, for industrial conditions
were never more satisfactory; not
from any anti-sa-
New Orleans and loon movement
It's Perturbation seeking to make
Louisiana dry,
although the reformers are liable al
any time to spring something; not
because of the presidential contest, foi
the people are satisfied that it will
turn out all right. New Orleans is
not bothering about such matters.
The perturbation grows out of thu
racing situation. An effort was being
made to arrange for two race meet
ings on the same dates during the
coming winter. The races operated
under the auspices Of the Business
Mems association gave great satisfac
ton to the general public last season
no matter how certain Of the sporting
element may have regarded the man
agement.
Rival racing interests asked the
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1916-09-24

Sentiments"
If the republican party was reac-
tionary and boss-ridden in 1912 it is
the same today. There has been no
reform, no change in it's policies. For
a progressive to be marching under the
republican banner now is the height
of inconsistency, of course, but the
colonel tries to forget unpleasant
facts. A man who back tracks or does
violence to principles usually strives
to save his face, but the colonel has
made no attempt to save his, and at
the Union League club banquet, he
will just fall on WHY'S neck and let
it go at that.
For political purposes this making
up" may have it's effect, but the two
men having been estranged all this
time their friendship will never be
quite the same.
Mr.. Calder said he couldn't under
stand why Mr.. Bacon opposed him In
New York. Now that he has defeated
Mr.. Bacon for the senatorial nominal
ton, he probably doesn't care whether
he understands or not
Birmingham burgler was captured
because he lost his wooden leg. He
might have been a esuccess as footpad,
but people with wooden legs can't hope
dows with the expedition that such
work demands.
II X
AS there appears to be plenty of foot
ball material on hand this year, various
football coaches have assured various
college presidents that the outlook for
their respective institutions Is exceed
ingly bright.
An effort is being made to do away
ness of Paris. That's going to hurt the
tourist business after the war Is over
if it succeeds.
1t is predicted that a startling price
will shortly be asked for crude oil.
However, the ultimate consumer, by
long practice, has become immune to
shocks of that sort.
* v
Still, a citizen is not necessarily
the question of Birmingham sinking
fund with sinking heart.
x X X
Mr.. Hughes doctor keeps close at
hand with a throat spray, but what he
really needs is somebody to tell him
how to make an effective campaign
speech.
Politicians are VIGOROUSLY optimistic.
1t seems that nothing can induce either
democrat or republican these days
to view with alarm
1t has been noticed that some young
women who attend school of express
osin come back home with a rather
supercilious expression
u Il
In passing the hat for a $50,00o,000
loan China should remember that money
is needed just now to carry on the
slaughter in Europe.
y y
| Rather a shocking story to the effect
that German machine gunners were
found chained to their guns. Still, it
comes from France.
Writers, particularly the sort who
wait for an inspiration to strike them,
are strongly opposed to the eight-hour
day.
an early end of the war if the allies
would only show little more speed.
! A masher arrested in Chicago says
that town is full of women who are
willing to flrt. He flatters himself
| X X y
Conditions in Mexico are still far
from satisfactory, even from Mexican
| point of view.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1916-09-24

BEGINNING THE DAY-Thou
anvitest me when the arm OF lies"
has failed. Thou welcOmest me whe"
my resources are gone Tho"
est not after my record or my aDn
ity. but my willingness to receive.
n h,nctuess. that Thou art near ma
.~.;rst INV time of weakness or
despair. Amen.-H. Nj. Il.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1916-09-24
FORGETS HIMSELF.

"Gadson tells me that he is a pacif1st
first, last and all the time"
"That seems to cover the ground
pretty well, but fear Gadson exag-
gerates trifle."
"Yes?"
"Many's the time I've seen him como
out Of a telephone booth in lighting
mood
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1916-09-24
SOME DAY.

Beyond the turmoil and the strife
These earthly cares shall have an
end;
And those who've sought 1t all through
life
VIII never sigh for gold to spend.
The millionaire and pauper will.
IT'S said, on equal fotting be,
do not doubt they shall, but still,
Twill be a wondrous sight to sec.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1916-09-24
ADIRIFT WITH THE TIMES
CARELESS SPEECH.

IT hear the Grabcoins have hired
tutor for young Reginald Grabcoin"
Yes, but whenever Mr.. Grabcoin
mentions the new member of the house
hold Mrs. Grabcoin is greatly humili-
ated"
'Why so?"
MIR. Grabcoin has a way Of pronounce
ing tutor as II the person referred to
did exercises on the trombone cornet
or some other kind of horn"
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1916-09-24
swered one of the offended surgeons.

sWt1tu o1Ie OF tHe U1Ienutu surgeons.
"Oh! OH cried Butcher angrily.
why didn't you tell me that before? Il
have it in my pocket" And with that
he drew from his pocket the bullet, which,
he had extracted from the wound him.
self
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1916-09-24
To Have Fine EAR

Birmingham is going to have the great
est State Fair ever staged said Sol
Caheen yesterday. I'VE are getting more
free acts for the amusement Of the visit
ors than ever before The exhibitions will
eclipse all previous displays. There will
be many changes, but perhaps the most
pronounced will be in the fireworks pro-
glamme.
I'm other seasons the fair has had
tremendous displays nightly, hut the at
traction has not been varied. This sea
son there will be $1,000 spent nightly, and
for each occasion there will be a diff
ferent spectacle. BY virtue of this change
in the pyrotechnics shown l am sure
that more amusement will be afforded.
THE fair officials are making a big
feature of the free acts and l must state
that they will please the spectators. That
show is going to be a hlundinger."
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1916-09-24
A REASONABLE sURMIsE.


I'VE have a congressman who in
spires respect everywhere he goes"
How does he contrive to do that?"
'As soon as it becomes known that
he has a private fortune Of about $751;
900 people can't imagine any other rea-
son for his wanting to hold down job
that pays only $500 a year so they con-
clude that he must be a patriot"
SAND FROID.
His light and airy manner
We can not but admire;
Is even heard to whistle
While struggling with a tire.
One day his car turned turtle
The while he sped along;
He crawled out from the wreckage
And hummed a little song.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1916-09-24
erm is five months. Vote for the amend

Pell City Progress: When the south
gets long Of futures and also has spot
cotton for sale, the experience of the
past proves another slaughter Of the in
nocents is about to be perpetrated. Our
prediction is that this year will be no
exception to the rule.
Huntsville Mercury: 1t really does not
seem to matter whether Greece has q
cabinet or not: she keeps right on talk
ing war and staying neutral
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1916-09-24
RATHER pEMoRALIzING.

a motor carr"
Eyes. 1t doesn't cost me anything to
think about buying one"
Don't you fool yourself. When q
man gets an idea like that he's liable
to neglect his business"
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1916-09-24
ROUGH STUFF.


We pity Henry Swartz.
Who thinks Dame Fortunes tickle;
He has SO many warts
That he looks like a pickle.
-Postmarks in Pittsburg Post
And Henry's sister Sue,
Her looks are most amazin';
She's wrinlx1ed until you
Would think she was a raisin.
Judd Lewis in Houston Post
And Henry's sister Kate
is such a freckled lass,
You'd thing that she would hate
To see looking glass.
Birmingham Age Herald
And Henry's brother Ned
Yes he is with us still
There's SO little hair upon his head
He's like polished pill.
Memphis Commercial Appeal
And Henry's daddy, Ben,
Has such ruddy nose,
1t looks something like a wen
And something like a rose.
ADMISSION Star.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1916-09-24
2,eed3oaeQ
DIFFERENT METHODS.

Which would you rather vote for, an
old-fashioned politicians or an up-to-,
date yeformer?"
II believe I would prefer the old
fashioned politician"
But he's apt to be crooked"
II don't care. He has a courteous
way of soliciting my vote that tickles
my vanity, while these reformers who
think they are battling for righteous
cause don't stand on ceremony and
rudely demand my vote"
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1916-09-24
Big Business for Hughes

big business firms in the east are sup
porting Hughes" said f. w. Bromberg,
who has recently returned from ca stern
points. THE situation is rather unique.
The people seem to feel that Wilson has
accomplished many objects and that he
has handled many of the diplomatic sit
uations cleverly In fact, some of them
stated that Wilson ought to be returned
to power in November. But, with their
admissions, they declared that they were
going to vote for Hughes.
I'm regard to the action OF President
Wilson in conceding the eight-hour law
to the railroad brotherhoods, they mingle
criticism and sympathy. While represen-
tatives of the eastern interests concede
that the general strike was averted
through his counsel, and that such action
was imperative, they declare that it was
unfortunate that he should have been
forced into the issue. They feel that
this situation will materially affect his
chance for reelection. They are of the
mind that this feature has strengthen
the republican campaign for Hughes
election"