The Laurens advertiser. (Laurens, S.C.) 1885-1973, 1916-01-26
NEVER AGAIN FOR HIM
MR.. BURLlSON DECLARES HIM.
SELF IN STRONG TERMS.
Good Reasons Why He Should Mako
Resolution Not to Bring the Sun.
day Dinner From tho City.
"Why, Henryi"

There was the look Of a man with
troubled soul in the face of Mr.. Henry
'Burlison when he reached his home
one saturday evening. The smiling
face of his wife did not lessen the
look of grim determination in the faco
'of Burlison. A wife with far less In.
tuition than Mrs. Burlson had would
nave discovered that something bad
gone wrong. aud Mrs. Burlison asked
why, Henry, what has happcncd?"
Burlison stepped into the yestibule
Of his home and dropped the suit case
he carried to the floor with duh
thud. His voice had an edge like
blade as he said:
Something has happened that will
never happen again if live to be so
old that Mcthusclah will seem like n
kid when compared with me. This is
the last time I save Is cents by TAX
ing that suit case downtown with mo
on Saturday and bring home our Sun
day dinner In it to save express
charges-thc very last timc!"
why, Henry, what happened
enough happened to make me tell
you that III eat my Sunday dinner
from an armchair restaurant with gilt
tering white letters on the window an
nouncing frankfurtcrs and mashed DO.
tatoes for 10 cents before III do any
Saturday marketing with a suit case"
but you haven't told me what han.
pened"
You would have seen what han
pened If you had been with mo lust as
l reached the subway stairs s'pose
. had forgot to push down the clasps
that help to hold the suit case to-
gether, and the thing was so crammed
full that 1t was too much for the self
locking arrangement. and the thing
opened right at the top Of tho stairs"
why. Henry"
You'd say Why, Henry! If you had
sccn n siN-pound Philadelphia canon
travelling down those stairs. followed
by threo big yellow grapefruit and
half dozen apples!"
why, IIenry!"
"A bunch Of celery rolled down two
or three steps, and man racing down
the stairs stepped on it and slipped,
and he threatened to sue me for dam
ages! You will find the print of a
woman's boot heel on that pound of
butter, and ] left the dozen eggs I
had bought on the subway stairs, for
would have needed a shovel to have
scraped them up after they had rolled
down six iron steps! One Of tho
grapefruit rolled between the feet Of
an old lady going down the stairs, and
she gave yell like maniac and
called for the police! A grinning idiot
caught up one Of tho grapefruit and
flung it UP toward me. and two other
nicn pcltcd mo with the applcs!"
"Oh. Henry"
THE bottle Of maple sirup spread
over six Of the steps. and the people
carried 1t home on the socs OF their
shoes; and the paper camc off tho
soup bone had bought, and left it
lying at the foot Of The subway stairs
All is, this is tho very last timc you
ever hear Of me saving Is cents in
that way! My laccratcd feelings are
worth at least q quarter, ard"
"Oh, Hcnry!"
II left half OF my stuff in tho sub
way, and the other half will taste bit
ter to mo whom ] think Of that gap
ing, grinning, giggling. tittcrnG mob
that saw nc standing there with NY
empty and open suit case in ny hand
and all that stuff travelling down tho
subway stars!"
"Why, Ienry!"-Judgc.