The Washington herald., 1916-04-08
Repeating.
By JOHN ID. BARRY.

has saying that she likes to impress on her
friends, particularly on young girls; "Never re-
peat what people say Very truly she maintains
that the practice of repeating is one of the great
est causes of mischief in the world. And yet it
makes up large part of the conversation of many
people. There comparatively few who do not
rely for their conversational material chiefly on
what they have heard others say. Often in their
lquoting they arc both reckless and INSCRIPTIONS
By quoting without explaining just how the
things happened to be said they create false inn
pressions. Moreover, they repeat things that have
been said in confidence or that would not have
been said at all If the speaker had any idea that
the things would be repeated.
The most dangerous rcpeaters are those who
pry. They ask searching personal questions. Then
they go away and they repeat the answers, not as
answers, but as spontaneous remarks. They even
go to those the remarks have been made about
perhaps unfriendly remarks, and convey the news
Sometimes they say: 81 just want you to know
what this person or that has been saying about
you" Here Of course they exhibit pure malice.
to repeat the remarks as jokes, often beginning
with some such expression as: "Oh, I've heard
something awfully funny about you" Then they
will land quotation that may sting and burn for
years and create suspicion and enmity. Perfectly
innocent remarks, by being quoted out Of their
context, take on an unfriendly meaning. The un-
friendliness may be injected by the way the re-
mark is delivered, by tone or by manner or by
little twist in phrasing.
-. Behind all this repeating there is usually mo-
be interesting. We all know how interesting
those people are who tell US dsagreeable things
that have been said about ourselves.
Experience teaches most of us to be careful
about what we say of others. And yet it is inn
possible to exercise absolute Such care is
not pleasant either. 1t may easily develop lack
OF trankness and suspicion, two very unpleasant
qualities But there is one rule that is safe to
follow: Whenever sneak of OfoDle sneaL
if they were present. We do not consider that
we are lacking in frankness when we withhold
from our friends and acquaintance opinions
about them that they would find disagreeable.
On the contrary, the examples that we see Of
such trankness show US how unpleasant it can
be, how dangerous. Such self-discipline will be
out of trouble. II will develop tolerance. And
it will be valuable exercise of the will.
There are few moments in life more painful
than those when we are confronted with some
such question as: did you say this thing about
me- or that" Now capacity for truth-tclling
meets severe test. If we lie we are likely
to fall into deeper complication. For our lying
carries with it accusation of untruth against the
repeater which the repeater is sure to hear of and
to resent. The best way is to out frankly
with the truth: AS rule, the simple acknowledge
ment is enough. Explanation that the remark was
made in reply to question without thought
or in unguarded moment or in a mood of irri-
tation, though it may be absolutely true, cannot
be relied upon to help.
Some of the worst results of unguarded per-
sonal remarks come when uncontrolled friend
falls into discord with another friend. One of the
disagreeable things that have been said about the
other. Then the other is to hear these dis
agreeable things to hear, too, who the persons
were were that first ar said them. In this way fearful
ing two persons, may end by creating a dozen
enmites and lifelong ill-feeling.
In this matter women worse offenders than
men, and greater sufferers. Perhaps the explana-
ton lies in their interest in the personal The
lives of most women far more personal than
the lives of most men. AS yet most women have
personal affairs of life the larger interests, the
men have very adrotly appropriated to them
selves. For this reason men ought to be slow to
criticise women, as they often do, for the we'll rec
ognized feminine indulgence in personalities.
Moreover women are more sensitive than men to
personal criticism. Whenever they hear that
something unkind has been said about them they
feel hurt and resentful And they quickly betray
their feelings, as a rule in some kind of re-
prisal, either open subtle 1t is perhaps their
interest in the personal that has kept them from
kind remarks. Suppose that such sentiment were
as powerful the feeling among women against
those members of their that trsnsgress the
moral law. Very quickly the habit of repeating
would be restrained There would be nothing like
the amazing frankness that the mischief makers
now show
The encouragement that repeaters now receive
partly explains why they flourish. In the ILL
feeling that they excite against others their re-
sponsbility is often overlooked. And yet the
pain they cause may be remembered against them.
Sometimes, indeed, they aware of the danger
and they try to cover up their responsibility with
expressions of regret at having perform so dis
tressing service On the other hand there are
those who, while suffering from the inflicted pain,
are bitter against those that directly the in
Fiction There is psychological truth, applicable
to human beings of the present day, in the stories
of the bearers of ill-tdings in ancient times who
used to be lashed. In Antony and Cleopatra" I"
Shakespeare lets see Cleopatra furiously beat
ing the boy that has brought bad news In this
regard we are all more or less like Cleopatra. And
even if we do not feel resentment at the moment
of receiving hateful reports about ourselves, when
we regain control of our faculties we likely
to realize just where the chief responsibilities be-
long
On the other hand, know people who like to
be told what has been said about them, mat
ter how disagreeable it may be. They actually
encourage their friends to make such reports. And
they are not always egoists, either. 1t is pleas
ure to them to know just what their friends think
of them, to be aware of just how they stand. But,
through the unkind remarks repeated TO them,
they receive misleading tidngs. Often they are
disquieted without good reason. Moreover, they