The Owosso times. (Owosso, Mich.) 1897-1926, 1916-10-13
FINNECAN'S PHILOSOPHY
~O~
Pitiless Publicity.

IWndtS 10 come 10 fltlleSS fuDuclty.
Meself could tell him. Where's "Piti.
less Publicity"T says Hughes. In the
Ash Cam says /. Twas all right on
the stump, but In Washin'ton tits
differ. The Harp that wanst through
Trenton's halls--I name Tumulty
Whin he bursts into song now he picks
his chune!
"'Tis not that Prisidint Wilson Is
less public than Candydate Wilson
He's less pitiless. 'Tis like the show
man. He tells We all, an more, about
tn illyfant, but he has mintal res'va-
shune about the spotted baby.
$50 1t Is wild Wilson. He's sof'ned
the hard heart iv 'Pitiless Publicity
How about the Postmasters?' axes
the refawrumers. Wen niver tell We,
says the C'mishun. For why?' says
the League. T'wid embar'ss tn Ad-
ministhrashun,' says the C'mishun.
And the people laughs. 'Ye fired tn
Hid Nv the Cinsus,' says Hughes. 'Ye
lie.' says Redfield. He raysined wild
out bein' axed,' says he. 'Ye lie yer
SELF says Durand. 'Ye towld me ye'd
fire me, an We gev me place to a
Politician says Durand. 'Ixacly fwhat
1 said,' yells Pink Whiskers, 4 was
goin' to fire We anyway, but niver
axed We to raysine,' says Pinky. An
the people roars.
"'Tell us about all thin Dishurvin'
Dimmycrats,' says the people. An
Washinton is sweep be a storm iv
silence.
But doan't We think there's no pub
licity at ALL Teddy himself was none
gunshy with the papers, but he cud
be quiet, too.
"'We'll grab some land in Vinzu-
eely,' says the Ambassydure.
'tem'prily,' says he. 'Ye1l not says
Teddy, ven agree to arbitrate,' says
he, or he says, lin tin days Dewey'll
be there says Teddy.
"'Me Ry'le Masther will niver con-
sint,' says tn other. Thin says Ted
dy, I'll sind Dewey at wanst. There's
no use waitin',' Teddy says. How'd
EN- says the Ambassydure. We
agree says he,--an' divil bit did we
know how 1t was for dozen year.
Wen have Ferdy Carey alive, or
the Bashi Bazook dead says Teddy,
an back comes Ferdy. An the papers
says ON demand Nv the State Depart
ment Ferdy Carey has been released
An that's all.
"HOw is 1t now? The greasers
slaughtered twinty at Sanity Isabel. AN
other Mexican Crisis says the head
lines, Twinty Americans killed. they
says. The .Prisidint Calm says they.
'Ates Bacon and Eggs. Plays GOlu2,'
says the headlines. An the paper
goes on:
""The Prisidint's appytite at break
fast was good, tn leader iv the ma
shun gettin' outside iv' grape fruit,
bacon an eggs, hot biscuit an coffee.
Whin Docther Grayson announced the
bill Nv fare the tinshun over Mexico
was much relaved.
1.-THE Prisidint is solvin' in privacy
the fateful question, "Will me throat
last" The answer is waited wild few.
erish anxiety
"MOndah, the papers says 'Nashun-
al Disaster? Sore Throat Feared, Pan
ic at the Capital. The Prisidint Calm.
CONSERVATION was spread among
all classes today be the report that
the Prisidint awoke with sore throat.
Strong men tainted before they cud
reach the nearest saloon. There Is
talk Nv appintin' day Nv prayer. II
is hoped that Senior Arre-ye-on-though
will claim that the dead Americans
raysisted ixicushun. A high authority
states that this wud end the crisis.
The Prisidint made but wan remark:
"Av they'd not been there they'd not
Nv been kilt"
"ChOosdah, they says, Hope revives.
No sore throat. Bitten by insect.
Prisidint calm. All Phrases iv Mat
ther to be considered.
1.-The anxiety in the Capital was re-
laved today be the followin' bulletin:
"'"The Prisidint has a slight per-
foration in the cuticle over the infery-
ure maximary caused by insect bitin'
him whin asleep. The patient was too
proud to scratch. (SigneG Grayson."
"It is reported also that Gineral
Scott will go to the border to bury the
dead, and apologize to the Insurgents.
He will axe Carranzy, whether he wud
accept loan If offered. This Is con-
sidered the thrue sutton iv the diff
Guilty
"Winsdah the Prisidint goes motor
in, Thursdah he writes note and
Gineral Scott starts for the border.
Fridah the headlines says Peace in
Europe near. Prisidint studyin' terms.
VIII he stop the war? Another note
expected. Capital excited over report
"But we're comforted be bein' towld
the Prisidint will not be betrayed
into tasty ackshun.
"Sundah, he's considerin' tn Ar
menyan question, an Mondah he i'd
vises Grandmothers about suckin'
eggs. And another crisis is past.
$50 1t goes ivry day. AS l was say
in, there's a'plenty publicity, but it's
not the brand Nv 1912"