The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1916-01-06
Sport Wheezes
by CLUG-

IL BY CLUG- III
BASEBALLS GOING DRY.
Wen throw away our beer can
And put our ale cups by,
It's time to climb the wagon
For baSeballs going dry.
It's tough on all the bar boys.
1t makes the stillers sigh
To see US drinkin' COW Juice
Instead of Scotch and Rye.
It's sure to close the breweries
And make their business die
But We must be in the fashion,
All baseball men now cry
HERE'S THE BRIGHT SIDE.
/ There's a great day COMM"
Said Bossy to Bull,
While the milk man juiced
Till his pail was full.
Baseball men're on the wag,
| There's a great day comm
For buttermilk and me.
The milk man then spoke up,
| Talking to the pail,
There's a great time comm
For old churn made ale.'
But Jack Holland, owner of the St
Joe Drummers. is not showing the
proper consideration to the prohibition
wave. He has just signed an inhelder
| by the name of Wines from the North
ern league.
The Wichita Beacon says: 1--WE
can't understand all the post mortemS
in the Topeka players because Wich-
ita signed Jimmy jackson" The Bea-
con must think our players fearfully
and wonderfully made to carry post
mortems internally.
Jack Gilligan, star right handed
I t,o
been sold to the Vernon club of the
P. C. league, according to a statement
of Frank Isbe1 published in a Des
Moines paper.
CAN JESS EXPLAIN TT?
When Jess Willard was in Topeka
the last time-soon after he had won
the heavyweight crown-an old friend
of his wormed his way through an i'm
mense crowd, and after shaking hands
ter section of land up home I've been
saving for you, don't you want to
buy it?"
The new champion turned him
down cold and didn't even thank him.
And now he is putting his hard earn
ed money in vacant lots in Chicago.
But it is probable that the windy city
real estate agent went his Kansas
friend one better and even told Jess
!
all these years so he could build the
kind of flats he wants on them.
But the unsavable part about it all
is that Willard has been getting q lot
of publicity because of his love for the
farm and his determination to retire
to one just as soon as he was able.
The only way to account for it all is
to conclude that Jess thinks Chicago
a farming community.
HE KNEW PA WE'LL.
The story of how Bugs Grover
succeeded in getting on the Topeka
ball club may be old stuff to some
| league. but it was new to us. There
fore it is retold for the benefit of
those who have been fellow passen-
gers on the good ship Ignorance.
Bugs" was with Pa Rourke's club
and was working his old souper over
time trying to keep the Omahogs in
| the league. But one day he and Pa
had a little disagreement and Bugs
| decided that a change was necessary.
He decided he could do better work
| in some other place and that Pa
would have to shift for himself and
| his club.
After studying the situation care
! fully and looking over the map from
| MaySville to Denver, he decided that
he would rather come to Topeka than
go anywhere else. And here is the
way he contrived to come to our beau
| tiful city.
| Going up to Pa with a determined
| look on his face he said: PA, I've de-
| cided that a change of atmosphere,
climate and landscape is absolutely
essential to the proper development
of my pitching talent and personal
| ambitions. l hate to leave YOU flat on
your back, and 1 hope my going won't
| cause you to have to rent out your
park for pasture and sell your club
| house for kindling wood, but I've got
to quit you. 1 want you to trade me
off to somebody. 1 don't care who just
so it isn't Topeka. I'll go anywhere
| in the world you send me except to
| Kawvil1e." He then rammed a quar-
ter's worth of Horseshoe into his jaw
/ and walked out.
About 80 minutes later Pa sent for