The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1916-09-08
Dolly Hears Mrs. Caudle, Jr., Deliver
Some Very Pointed Curtain Lectures
(LFr. Caudle Parties While Wife's Away
BY DOLLY DALRYMPLn

68MA r. CAUDLE. 1 really think it
IWIl it has almost come to the
parting of the ways with US.
It's a pretty come off, to be sure, when
I can't leave home for day without my
house being turned into gambling den,
tavern, road housed Yes, recall now
how anxious you seemed for me to go!
You even said you'd get up at o'clock
in the morning and take me to the sta
ton yourself in the car. 1 might have
known you had something outrageous up
Your sleeves or you wouldn't have been
so kind. You are going to die of en-
largement of the heart some day, Mr..
Caudle; you are so good to me and SO
generous. Oh, yes, you can be very
tender and touching when it suits your
purpose: l haven't forgotten that once
you were an ardent sutton; if the world
only knew how you've changed. But it
shall, some day I'm determined on that
1 propose to show you up as the unmiti-
gated hypocrite that you are
''One week away from home and when
get back the smell of tobacco, ths
empty beer bottles, the piles of ashes.
the TASKS of old stale whisky, the stacks
Of poker chips, my curtains ruined, my
rugs besmeared, and our reputation with
the neighbors az good, respectable, law
abiding citibzens-gone! And, by the way,
Mr. Caudle, who is Kitty? Oh, yes
sheCwas here l heard all about her.
heard how you took a certain amount out
of the game each evening to give to
kitty. Now, Mr.. Caudle, there are some
things draw the line at and one of them
is bringing strange females to my home
and drinking and carousing with them
and taking up collection for them every
evening.
rs this kitty person blonde or a
brunette, Mr.. Caudle? If she's blonde,
the jigs up with me. 1 wouldn't trust
one of those pink and white blonde crea-
lures from here to the corner. They are
dangerous, Mr.. Caudle; they'll get youf
money; they'll get your heart; they'll get
you body and soul before you know it,
and l don't propose to have one for q
rival; not I.
do you understand, Mr.. Caudle? 1
won't tolerate blonde. Whatever do you
mean, anyway, by bringing females to my
house whom I'm unacquainted with?
But then, of course, no friend of mine
would dare do such a thing. Her name
is enough for me. People named Kitty
and Ruby and Mabel and Birdie are
always suspicious; they snatch your hus-
band away from you before you can say
Jack Robinson. Oh, yes, they do; l
know.
Yes. Mr.. Caudle, I agree with you heart
lily; you ought to have married some
somebody else somebody who'd let you
lead your wild, riotous life, without COM
planning; somebody who'd let you walk
over them and never say a word; then
your house could have gone to rack and
ruin, as it shall in the future. This
last performance Of yours has just about
settled me, What do you say? that the
curtains and the rugs are not spoiled
and that our reputation is as good as
ever in the neighborhood, if not better?
How dare you, Mr.. Caudle? Here am I,
a decent. respectable, law abiding per-
son, who tries to do the right thing by
her husband and her family and this is
what I'm brought to- People who don't
care for their families though, are better
thought of than those who do; I've long
found out that The maid told me that