Middletown transcript., 1916-12-09

sold out and they said he was liar.
The Explorers Union Local No. l
gives 4 dinner to him-nOt the box
Office man but Mr.. Roosevelt, and he
makes an after dinner speech Copy
right T. Roosevelt, 1916) about it and
realizes another $2,5OO or so, and
that's the way it goes. But you take
Max Paikes which in five years trav-
els $4,000 miles to Mr.. RoOsevelt's TO-
900, Birsky, and what is it? Nobody
asks him to write about it; nobody
wants him to talk about 1t, and If
somebody blows him on account of it
to rye bread tongue sandwich and a
package of all-tobaccO cigarettes it
would be big already"
Evidently you seem to think that
it's a hardship that feller should
live in the country" Birszy, said.
did you ever think what it means to
a business man that he should be able
to raise his own vegetables?"
"Sure l did," Zapp replied. 1T
means that he is going to eat princi-
pally radishes for the whole summer
because that's the only vegetable
which a business man who raises his
own vegetables could really rely upon.
Furthermore you think l am q green
horn in the country, Brsky, but al
ready done my twenty odd thousand
miles in round trip instalments of
A miles a day on the Long Island
Railroad, and l know the whole game
of living in the country right the way
through, from getting stuck with the
lots dOwnwards. used to own a
house at Brunswick Beach and when
I let it go to the second mortgagec
year and a half after it was built,
y'understand, it had cracks in the
walls on the second floor which If
you'd put a couple of windows and
door in 'em could of been considered
as extra masters bedrooms"
''Steam heat will do that to a new
house, zapp," Birsky said. "Maybe
you kept the place too warm"
"Too warm!" Zapp exclaimed.
Listen, Birsky, the heating plant of
that house wasn't designed for moth
ing bigger than a five dollar a year
safe deposit box. With the furnace
going full on, Birslzy, whenever my
wife opened the refrigerator door, Bir-
sky, it raised the temperature of the
kitchen ten degrees. The plumbing
was nothing extra neither. We had
gas heater for the hot water, Bir-
sky, which, figuring at the rate of
$1.S0 per thousand cubic feet, if you
took six hot baths it was the equiva-
lent of suit of clothes. For years t.
New York tried to bring myself to
take a cold plunge in the morning,
but 1 couldn't stand the shock till l
seen my first months gas bill out in
Brunswick Beach, and after that all
had to do when jumped into a cold
bath was to think how many cubic
feet was saving, and if it was six
below zero even got a pleasant glow
all over. Later on it got to be such
a habit with me to take cold plunges,
Birsky, that the second summer we
was there when they had that bad
water famine on Long Island, used
bottled water as long as 1 could get
the spring water companies to send
me trial samples. For over a month
there we done the weeks washing
with artificial vichy and my wife had
to get rid. of the wash lady because
for every slphon she put in the tubs
she drank one herself"
"You were lucky 1t was only vichy,
Zapp," .Birsky said. 'It might have
been ginger ale or root beer, in which
case she would Of took it home to the
children"
"Joke if you want to, Birsky," Zapp
retOrted. "But what / am telling you
now is facts from living in the coun-
try"
"Rats, ZappP Birsky said. 'You
could have shortage of water in the
city just so much as in the country.
Just because you didn't like Bruins