Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1916-08-21
GlH0RDS A I'D
ID I S C. O r d S
HELPERS CIRCLE DAY.
(Jay House. In Topeka CapitaD /.

the war. Ii the task OF driving the
Germans out OF France were up to us
we should set the Scotch TO playing
their bagppes.
The machine gun, the gas bomb and
the hand grenade all have their place
in warfare, but the bagpipe is the
most deadly weapon.
You may recall that we were much
interested, some years ago, in discov-
ering a method by which one could
eat green corn without getting butter
in his ears. The missus says il one
will take the trouble to break the ear
much OF the discomfort can be avoided
and half the butter saved.
James Whitcomb Riley is dead. He
drank upon occasion and was elo-
quently and fervently prOfane at times.
But he touched and mellowed the
hearts of his countrymen with his
simple service of kindness and love.
And yet, we suppose there are those
who would weigh his human frailties
against him.
Indignation presents its most force
full aspect when women get together
and discuss the wretched manntr in
which some other woman is rearing
her child.
While we do not approve either the
method or morals Of the man who
robbed John D. Rockefeller, we take
off our hat to him.
Will Orpet refused an offer of ten
weeks in vaudeville at $500 a week,
which gives one a fair line on OrPet
and an extraordinary good line on
vaudeville
You may have noticed that Pro
fessor MelchnikOff, who has been tell
ing US how to live a hundred years,
died the other day at the age Of II.
Few men are able to use their own
recipe.
Before giving a man credit for re-
fusing to sell himself, find out wheth
er he had anything that anybody
wanted.
We make some progress. There was
time when the old fashioned veloci-
pede was considered a menace to
pedestrians.
Eph Wiley is franker than most. He
says he never cares to hear the other
side of the question.
A good deal of the bunk" is ac-
counted for by the fact that no candi-
date wishes to imperil his chance of
success by telling the people the truth.
You probably have noticed that the
cheerful giver seldom has anything
TO give.
If you should invent a machine for
bringing the dead to life, Thomas A.
Edison would be given credit for it.
Generally speaking, it is a great
deal easier for woman TO obey her
husband than it is to honor him.
A man puts on performance last
ing Is minutes and then stands
around for a couple Of hours waiting
for someone to compliment him upon
it.
The reason men marry for love IS
that women have no money.
CIV. Il. Maxwell in Peoria Journal.
THE RETURN.
like to pack a hasty grip
And start off on a ten days trip.
1 like to blow, with care-free air,
My hard-earned coin for railroad fare.
l even like the railway ride,
Tho grimey-backed and cinder-eyed.
l like to loaf along the beach
Or rubber a a bathing peach
| like to mingle with the crowd,
The rich, the poor, the low, the proud.
/ like-why not?-most everything
My brief vacation spell can bring.
But, oh, it rather gets my goat
When l come breezing home, TO note
The gladstone greetings l hand out
Awaken no responsive shout.
1t spOiIs the trip to hear them say,
Hello, where was you yesterday"
If Mr.. Hughes is coming to Peoria,
he will do US a personal favor by COM
ing while the hot spell is on. We'd
like to save one days ice bill if pos
sible.
Once in every two or three years, if
you look sharp, you can run onto a
man who understands all about the
registration and-so-On under the city
election law.