The bee., 1916-12-08

Elzeasse,l 20 =. q. Z, HzZcd
n AYl did you ever IS reckless
and give a Christmas fnner to
Al an assorted collection Of petri-
fed relations7
Take 1t from me, lodging benzine
buggies on the boulevard is sleepy
work in comparison.
Friend wife concluded 1t was up to
us to squeeze few uncles and aunts
into our 4 by 4 dining room and throw
turkey wings at them, so / coaxed
my nervous system 70 behaYe and told
Peaches to cut loose.
She sat down and invited Uncle Pc
ter Grant and Aunt Martha, Uncle
Gregory Smith and Aunt Bessie. Then
she went In, took another look at
the dining room and stopped.
Invited Bud Hawley, his wife Sybil,
and Hep Hardy, and explained to them
that we would all have to sit edge-on
at the table and get our meat cut in
the kitchen, so as to avoid hitting
each other on the funny bone, and it
was so ordered.
Hep arrived early. He always does.
He generally breezes in with the in
formation that four pages of tango
music are waiting for him in some
hoof palace, and he has to hurry away,
but on this occasion he concluded to
see the fight to a finish.
Then the other members of our din
ner party began arriving and the mad
revel was on.
Uncle Peter brought a friend-the
famous food expert, Doctor Smother
joy.
The doctor is a high card with Uncle
Peter.
He is one Of those old ginks with
beady eyes and license to hunt for
germs, and everything he eats has
first to give the countersign and then
20 through a written examination.
Uncle Peter believes every word
that leaves Doc Smotherjoy's face, but
for my part think he's an old Cam
embert.
At any rate, no sooner were we seat
ed at the table than Doc parted his
whiskers carefully, coughed to attract
attention, then picked up a little-neck
clam on the end of his fork and pro-
ceeded to give 1t the third degree.
"The adulteratiOn Of fOOdstuffs these
days is being carried on to an extent
worse than criminal" the old bluff be-
gan sOlemnly. "Ah, even here see
traces of sally-sillic acid with bOrax-
phosphos even here on this clam"
. "Put a little tabascos on it and cut
loose" suggested Bud Hawley.
"Have q lemon" said Hep. Squeeze
II over the clans and make a WISH"
Uncle Peter listened with marked at
tention, while Uncle Gregory glanced
at his clans and shuddered.
The doctor ate his unconcernedly.
When the soup came ON the Doc
lifted a spoonful thoughtfully, then
sloshed II slowly back into his plate,
while the two unkies eyed him ner-
vously.
"Its bullyon," whispered Uncle Pc
ter, anxious to prove the soups in
nocence.
"Here," said the doctor, examining
his spoonful critically, ''here are
traces Of hydrophosphates and about
ten per cent philharmonic acid"
81 never eat SOUP" gurgled Uncle
Greg, because it's waste Of good
space"
The doctor said nothing more, but
quietly surrounded his soup.
When the fish was served the doc
tor danced over his plate with his fork
and said, "Hydrostatic acid with here
and there symptoms Of manganese
germs and few sulphlde microbes"
Uncle Gregory pushed his plate back
with . sigh that was pitiful to hear.
II how so nervous that
hel We're doing a shaker dust,
and nere was a big pink spot on
each cheek.
The others at the table, with the
exception Of nervous old Uncle Greg
ory, paid not the slightest attention to
Doctor Busyface.
Even Uncle Peter threw away his
germ fear after the clam episode, and
took a long chance with everything
from soup to nuts.
Next we had some turkey with
mashed potatoes, green peas and
asparagus tips.