The sun., 1916-09-26
"A HOMESPUN PARAMOUNTER DEFINES
THE CAMPAIGN ISSUES.
He Looks Back to the Time When Our Unuphfted Ancestors Put Self.
Preservation Ahead Of DisinterAted Service.

What's the paramount issue Of this
campaign" I asked Eph Small yester-
day morning.
I'm my %opeenion." he answered. "the
paramount Issue is whether or not we
Americans air a-goin' 10 lose our ver-
tebre an become Jelly fish or keep 'em
an stand up on our hind legs as God
Almighty intended us to-" Eph shaved
of 4 small piece Of cut plug and began
to chew II refectively.
"Our fathers" he said. was as hne
In sturdy q lot Of patriots as ever
robbed a primitive people Of their ma
tive land. They came over here to es-
tablish a free government. an they done
II. Here they was free to enjoy many
things, specially the privilege Of perse-
cutin' their brethren In ways they them
selves want accustomed to In the Old
World. An they want no slouches
about It. neither.
mot bein' o~wereddycated In the
schools. they could tell the difference be-
tween right and wrong without the aid
Of q cyciopedy. an when a crisis hove
In sight they vent out a leetIe more'n
ih8ih way W htcCN IL lucs wa 1
brought up TO torture their conscience
with the toe hold. When they had any
thing to say to n fur'n country. they
said II. an iev'rybody understood what
they meant. They want given to Sc
doocin' the English language. an what
they said didn't have to be translated
fer the benefit Of their fellow country
men. to say nuthin' OF the furriners.
They was men Of blood an iron. human
an selfish men who stood up fer their
rights through thick an thin an was
willin' to fight for EN- whenever II vas
necessary.
AN they placed this here nation fust.
an they want ashamed to voice their
pref fer It whenever they felt like
It an they want o~verpartic'iar as to
the time. neither.
An 20 we logged along. purity mid
dim fair. givin' an takin'-the nation
typifyin' the citizen and the citizen look
IN out fer himself an family fust an his
relatives second an not losin' no sieep
about humanity IN gin'ral. They want
pestered by no uplIftin' hug nor pipe
dreams OF disint'rested sarvice.
AN, by the way" he continued. "T've
noticed that this here talk OF disint'-
rested sarvice comes mostly from two
classes OF our citixens--fust. the politi-
clans. an. second. them that's got theirs.
that is, them that's got enough to live
on c~omf'tably the rest Of their lives an
Amt got nuthin' to worry about. I
amt never heard a man who had TO
work hard to support his family talk
about disint rested sarvice. His sar.
vice amt dislnt'rested not by a hellova
sight. II 1t Is. he's a ioafer or else he's
q lunatic."
Eph spat forcihly on the pavement.
I'm recent years. though" he resumed.
"thar's sprung up in this here country
a raft OF uplifters an rcformers at
tendin' to ~ev'rybody's bus'ness but their
" on the theory. I 'spose. that they're
their brothers keepers In the sense that
the word Is used up at Dannymora.
But 1t remained fer the President OF
the United States to introduce this up-
Nftin' bunk into international politics.
An 30. to-day. we're up agin a school
Of fabby friends o. humanity-a school
Of dreamin' prattlers a~-prcachin' that
this here country Amt got no distinct
an sep'rate mission Of its own. but In
duty bound to sarve the hull dang