Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1916-11-17
<<NYYHAT are you fooling away
w your time reading thai

serbauer'S restaurant.
THAT'S what Old Man Zeppelin used
to say" Barnett Zapp, the waist man
.ufacturer, replied as he laid down the
current issue of "Sultry Stories"
"Every once in a while he would find
his youngest son, Pincus, Zeppelin,
reading a dime novel, and he would
catch him a box on the ear and ask
him what would become of him, and
that he had kind father and a good
mother and this is the way he repays
them, and to look at his brother Sig,
which never read nothing but the pa
pers and now runs one of the biggest
delicatesSen and fine grocery stores
IN Immendingen, Wurtemburg, where
as Pincus Zeppelin couldn't forget the
time he fooled away over "Ned Har-
ringtOn, the Boy Aviator" in the Ned
Harrington" series till it affected his
mind, Birslzy. He becomes crazy on
the subject of airships and before he
RECEIVERS his senses, understand, he
stands show to get away with any
where's from ten to twenty million
dollars"
you are talking now from one sin
gle for-instance out of hundreds"
Birsky objected, "aber the shoe could
pinch on the other foot, too Zapp. If
l would read, for example, in a ten
cent mazagine that Ned Carruthers'
uncle left him two million dollars prof
its from the Cruller trust and Ned
wouldn't take a cent of the money on
account it was tainted from being
ground out of the blood of working
women which has got to sit and see
their husbands die because there isn't
so much as cruller in the house, and
that's the way Old Man Caruthers-
Steel Trap Carruthers they used to
call him on the Cruller exchange
made his money, understand, read
ing such stuff couldn't do me no harm,
Zapp. 1t wouldn't make me turn down
any two million dollar legacy from
my uncle, even though as a reward
might stand a show to marry a girl
with five million dollars, the way Ned
Carruthers did in the story, because in
the first place, Zapp, such things only
happen in stories.
"Zapp, you take here the other
day lady which lives over in Brook
lyn and rents for few dollars a fur
nished room, understand, and the
poor woman actually has got an uncle
die on her and leave her two hundred
thousand dollars, Zapp."
"Nebich! !" Zapp exclaimed. at
must of upset her something terrible"
Ordinarily it wouldn't" Birsky
agreed. 1.-THE chances is she would of
refused to take the money, Zapp, be-
cause she read the magazines so long
she didn't believe in real life no more"
Neither does whole lot of other
people," Zapp declared, editors of pa
pers for example. Every New York
newspaper editor has got an idea that
anyhow fifteen per cent of the COM
mon people which lives in New York,
or 100000 people, takes such a big
interest III gollef understand that
it's necessary to get once a week q
funny gollef picture done by the news
papers cartooniSt. Now as such q
cartOonist is paid salary equivalence
to the President of the United States,
supposing Mr.. Wilson also received q
royalty of ten per cent on the rights
to reproduce in moving pictures as
comics, the carryings-on of the Senate
and House of Representatives, yum
derstand take one-seventh of such q
cartoonist's salary, Birsky, and it
makes gOllef O very expensive game
for newspaper, even supposing it
was as popular as the editor thinks
1t Is. However, Birsky, If you was an
editor and was able to read all the
magazines, free, you wouldn't act no
differencely, because it don't make no
difference If author is writing a love
story, a business story, a detecative
story or sea story, he thinks he
must got to ring in something about
gollef, the idee being to make the rest
of the story sound more refined and
give people the impression that al
though writing under an alias he is
really kin to the Astors and Wander
bits"
what is there so becoming about
playing gollef?" Birsky asked.
swell, for one thing, it's taking ex-
ercise," Zapp continued, (which TAX
ing exercise is considered such a prop
er thing nowadays, Birsky, that when
some fellers tell you about the exer-
else they are taking, understand,
they act like they would be admitting
that they just give a hundred thou
sand dollars to the Belgium Relief
Fund"
IF taking exercise is such a Won
dertul thing" Birsky said, "a shipping
clerk must be a athlete already"
''He is just such a athlete as a gol-
lief player is anyhow" Zapp said, "be-
cause packing and shipping goods is
great deal like playing gollef,
Birsky. 1t exercises every part of
the body except the head-the only
difference being that gollef couldn't
be done in such close quarters as