The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1916-08-01
ON SPUR OF
THE MOMENT
BY ROY K. MoULTON.

Let the Scientists Go Hang.
The scientists inform us that there's dan
ger lurking in the kiss.
that's to be worn by every miss.
The gauze will keep the microbes from
the spreadin' Of grim disease.
For kissin' microbes, they say, will
sting. Teller just like bees.
the Teller old or young
Who walks on top of this old earth who
wouldn't just as soon be stung.
Them old professors don't seem able to
give other folks a rest
to knock Dan Cupid galley west.
Why don't they tend TO their own bust
ness, dopin' grammar out, and laws
Instead of spoilfn' all our fun by boosting
their new kissing gauze?
If my Irene, the village queen, does mix up
microbes with romance,
They won't sell me no kissing screen-a
good sport always takes chance.
The Hickeyyilie Clarion.
Constable Ezra Bibbins, our local
time he was over to West Hickey
vile, and says he has got a good
clew t. the culprit, who secured a
rickePs worth of Mule Ear Twist, a
Jail and 1S cents in real money.
Ike Butts is takin' the fresh air cure
and is sleepin' in the corncrib. There
aint nothin' the matter with him at
present. but there probably will be if
he keeps up the treatment long
enough.
Abe Renfrew's wife has quit him
and now he is liable to be pinched
for havin' no visible means OF sup
port.
There is some talk of startin'
movin' picture show in our midst and
the drama is lookin' up considerable
There hasn't been a show since the
magic lantern lecture on the Gaia
h. 81 hvy n Or
from away. William Tibbit-s re-
fused to go, sayin' it must be a fake,
as nobody ever combed cat
Smokin. and chewin' has been for
bid at the meetin' house during serv-
ice and Hank Purdy says this reform
wave which is sweepin over the coun-
try is certainly fierce and pusonal lib
erty is gettin' to be a dead letter.
Old man Purdy sat down on spool
of barbwire in front of Tibbitts's store
without lookin'. Purdy never could
see the fine points of thing.
Eben Hand broke up the James
Huggitt funeral last Thursday by suf-
fering an attack of st. Vitus dance.
There is a place to dance. but it amt
at a funeral
Grandma Whipple is falling fast.
She was only able to pillow nine acres
Monday. She has got the gol dingest
longevity in this vicinity for an in
valid and Amos Butts is thinkin' of
selling his hearse.
Impossible Things.
To make a piano1a play as well al
home as it did in the store.
To get in the last word with a life
insurance agent.
To keep a woman from writing on
both sides of the paper.
To get the buttons in white vest
without breaking one of the COM
mandments.
To look dressed up when you have
a ready-uied four-in-hand on.
To understand the telephone con-
versation of a stenographer who is
chewing gum.
To refrain from turning to the
sporting page of newspaper first.
To get theater seat that suits,
even If it is the one you asked for.
Cheer Up, Brother.
Every now and then Tom Bodine
of the Paris (Mo.) Mercury fore-ets
he's an apostle of Sunshine Street"
and lapses into rankest pessimism.
In this manner does he spill the
bluing: June still comes rose in
hand the sweetheart of the world,
but is met at the threshold of Already,
hustled into a gasoline wagon and
forced to go joy riding. She has
laid aside her witching draperies and
donned a dirty linen cravenette and a
dinky cap. The scent upon the night
is now the stink of Standard Oil and
our ambrosia beer. Clearly the old
oder changeth. Cheer up, Tom.
Things may take a turn.