The West Virginian. [volume] (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1914-1974, 1916-08-02
MonongaHa Musings

"s Political affairs certainly ap.
pear to be in rather torpid, sluggish
state at present, though great vituper-
alive powers may later be shown. The
fierce energy Of old timers like Matt
Quay, Mark Hanna, Tom Plat, Roscoe
Conkling, Simon Cameron and Tom
Reed. is not visible. However. be.
meath the surface, great pressure is
being used to influence voters.
sss An observer OF mundane per-
formances states that, about the time
the Shakespeare Club fell through for
lack OF members, the movies came and
woke the town up" We don't know
what town is referred to but presume
It is part OF the history Of all. The
Bard OF Avon can never hope to COM
pete with Prof. Flimlam Flashlight.
Gumption and Gush are never allies.
''* A Baltimore Dew or Of bolster.
Gus babbling thinks Billy Sunday
would be all agreeable fellow to go
fishing with. He certainly would il
his fish tales were as highly colored
as his yarns on other themes.
s.' According to the revised yer.
sion, patriot is one whose bosom
swells with pride Of his country, while
in lingo the swelling appears in his
head.
80 Pointmarionitis continues to
break out occasionally in this section
Of the universe. The measles have
nearly subsidized.
80 A fellow who has grown weary
OF patent potato pudding and copy
righed corn cakes, utters the follow
ing tear.stained wall for hominy:
isn't 1t strange that the human race
will let drop out Of use such a dclic-
ious. food? Where is the wholesale
grover that will make fame and for.
tune by putting up the real material
and placing 1t on the markets."
49, A farm journal says that the
man who digs out stump adds just
SO much to the welfare Of mankind.
How, by depriving stump speaker OF
the opportunity to scatter moth.eaten
information?
go A puzzled hayseeder wonders
why It Is that when city folks want a
vacation they think first Of all Of the
farm, while the minute the farm folks
get day off they streak it for town?
49, The school extension agent Of
the United States bureau of education
says that the public school policy OF
the United States discriminates in ev-
cry section against the farm boys and
girls. To remedy this he makes sew
eral suggestions. among them the fol-
lowing: "a sufficient number OF
teachers adequately prepared for their
work. Community organization.
-" An Iowa insurance agent sent
Roosevelt an abusive letter and en-
closed check for 20 cents to compen-
safe the colonel for the time spent In
reading the letter. Think of anyone
with the audacity to suppose he could
remodel Roosevelt by an epistle.
go An Indiana man is seeking a
divorce because his wife chews tobac.
CO. II that is all he should remain
quiet. Tobacco chewing Is not near
so bad as chewing the rag.
80 George AIDE smasbes the ser
pentine heaN of dignity by saying,
Anyone can be dignified. The sure
fire asset Of small calibers is dignity.
All horse doctors, phrenologists and
justices Of the peace are dignlied.
Dignity was invented to mask medi-
ocrity. Only those who have moral
courage can stand out in the presence
Of dignity and be frivolous and regu.
lar. Dignity is evaporating. It re-
ceived body blow when the frock coat
went out In the days Of Daniel Web.
ster nearly every one was overstarch.
ed with 1t. Some Of US will live to see
the day when even a college profess
sor Will be approximately human"
The last thought thoroughly con.
vinces US that George is genuine op.
timist. Let us hope that his rose tint.
ed dream may come true.
s. c. MUSGRAVE.