The Hays free press. [volume] (Hays, Kan.) 1908-1924, 1916-01-08

PIucked BY the Golden Belt Spectator.
The Spectator has no advice to offer.
oooo
Colonel House has been sent TO
Europe to settle the jealousy among
three Ambassadors of the United
States. Only the President of a state
federation of woman's clubs who visit
a town has three distinct organizations
can appreciate the difficulties ahead of
Col. House.
The principal perfume around a
church is not always the odor of sancti-
ty.
Income tax collectors for this section
of Western Kansas report that the in
creased returns for this;;year just closed
are forty per cent more than in 1913
Millionaire farmers should be taxed
just the same as any one else although
very few officials seem to think so.
oooo
Mrs. Harriet Stanton Batch and a
praty of women from the New England
states are said to be coming to Kansas
to seek a residence in which they can
vote in 1916. Kansas may or may not
be 1attered. We have not seen the
ladies and the papers are publishing no
photographs.
Henry W. Ford says that publicity
will end the war. He is right, it will;
but not in the joke column.
5000
The winter muf like charity covers
multitude of sins, if you are puritan
caly inclined when you watch 'em.
5000
The Spectator wishes to inform Clad
H. Thompson that Hays in the Sixth
district. Dora Gosger always butchers
in the Sixth district even though the
esteemed Salina Evening Journal
caused the crowd to assemble some
where else. eyes and Ears" who
writes the Buckeye Conglomerations
for this paper writes some clever stuff.
Speaking of New Year wishes,
friend of mine, here's hopin' for you
and your'n that 1915, will have no bomb
droppin' Zeppelins in your sky, no fate
full periscopes in the sea of your hearts
desire, no barb-wire entanglements in
your melon pach, no air-pockets. for the
Darius Green that carries your jug of
joy, and you won't run out of gasoline
or be called when your blufin', read
the little card of greeting which Her
bert Caveness of the Chanute Tribune
sent to the Spectator. Thanks, will
remember you next year,
5000
Clad Il. Thompson got in bad all the
newspaper friends'of Caveness because
he published the above first. A week
ly cannot compete with a big daily.
Next year the Spectator advises
Herbert to run release date on his
Christmas and New Year cards.
The hobo escapes pneumonia because
it is a silk stocking disease says the
health commissioner of Chicago. Yet
they say that fresh air is a preventive.
oooo
Some one placed copy of a French
newspaper on the desk of the Spectator
with note asking that a Sunfower
Petal be made out of it. 1t has bee n.
5000
There is a motto tastefully painted
on handsome wood background that
is hanging on the wall of Markwell's
book store and which the Spectator
challenges any married man in town to
buy and hang in the den at home. It
reads, GA man is ususlly ready to pro-
tect every woman against every man
but himself.
The person who depends on a ''stand
in" to get him something or some
where is basing his hopes on a fraility.
COCO
It is the privilege for the American
citizen to express loose and unintelli-
gent opinions about all subjects.
oooo
1t is the Joy of the job that makes
the world go round.
oooo
New York cityhas within it 1888, 81
people and London, 1921 1858. This
makes New York the largest city in
the world. In mere bigness the United
States is getting bigger and its individ-
ual citizens are getting better and this
old fatherland of ours is not such bad
place to live in after all.
1000
Harry Thaw bobbed up in New York
and was discovered In s'the midnight
follies' on the roof of the New Amster-
dam. That's the place for him.
oooo
The United States has it's bread lines
it's soup lines, it's scrimmage Zines, it's
sky lines, it's head lines, it's sample