davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-03-08
MARK TWAlN'S PRAYER
From the Kansas City Sta

Y run lIS AdiSiS Olly OldI
 TT HE Grand Duke Nicholas said that,
 with the Lords aid he was able to
 capture Erzerum. German, Rus sian, Englishman, Frenchman, Belgian, Servian and the others believe that the Creator is on their side. They pray for strength with which to blast their enc mics. When a victory is won they are unselfish and share credit with the Lord.
 It brings back the grim irony of Mark Twains war prayer published in Paine's biography of the great humorist.
 The scene was in the church where the minister uttered the long prayer for vic- tory to the nations armies, beginning, God, the all terrible Thou who ordainst thunder, Thy clarion, and lightning, Thy sword" At the end of the prayer a white-robed stranger enters, moves up the aisle, takes the preachers place and says that he has been sent from ''on high" with a message that the petition will be answered if the men care to re- peat it after understanding it's full inn port Their prayer, he tells them, asks for more than they seem to realize. Hence he bids them listen while he repeats aloud these unspoken implications of their de- sires:
 70 Lord, our God, help us to tear their
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-03-08
Automobile Dealers and Good Roads

'It is certainly gratifying to the good
 roads advocates of Jefferson county to
 learn that the automobile dealers have
 organized" said j. A. Rountree, secre-
 tary of the Alabama Good Roads as-
 sociation. "One of the greatest needs
 of the good roads association in Jeffer-
 son county, and in fact in the state, was
 to have the hearty cooperation of an or ganized body of automobile dealers in pushing the highway propaganda. The dealers have oeen active boosters fo. good roads individually, but have not been organized m q compact body where they could as club take part in tour- ing trips, the promotion of highways, the encouragement of roads improvement in Jefferson and surrounding counties, aiding in the development of tourist travel, and study and disseminate the best improved
 methods of road construction. The Jef- ferson County Good Roads association will undoubtedly have splendid assistant in this cluo in pushing the cause Of good roads and promoting state and na- ticnal highways
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-03-08
Strong With the Public

If the presidential election were to take place tomorrow, President Wilson would sweep the country, and I believe he will be just as strong with the public in November as he is today" said Sam uel J. Meyers of Chicago and Cleveland. Tt looks now as if Colonel Roosevelt would be nominated by both of the Chi cago conventions, but in that event many a standpat republican will stay at home on election day. If on the other hand the advocates of Hughes nomination suc- ceed in having their way gerat many of Roosevelt's partisans would be sore and either vote for Wilson or not vote at all. Complete harmony, it seems to me- would be next to impossible, as the situation presents itself now.
 'No matter what the republicans do in their convention, I think it safe bet that Wilson will carry Ohio and Illinois, as well as Indiana The democratic party will not be dependent on New York, as has been the case in past years"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-03-08
.yuLGARIAN, IS THE WORD

From the Richmond Times Dispatch.
 So many years have passed since men of sense and breeding buried sectional animosity as an issue in public or
 private life that Representative Heflin's S
 characterization of Republican Leader
 Mann's sighting reference to the south
 as the language of a "vulgarian" will be indorsed by thousands, both in the north and in the south.
 This country is marked now by geo graphical lines, not by sectional boun- daries. Virginia, Georgia, Texas and all the other states south of Mason and Dixon's line are as indivisble parts oi the United States as Illinois, Massa- chusetts and Maine. The war between the states has been oyer for more than ! 50 years; Virginian is President of the United States; a Louisianian is chiel 1 justice; Virginians head number of the most important committees of con gress, and southern men abound in the government high places.
 | Any attempt at this day to align motives N or men as representing
 thoughts or principles peculiar to the
 north or to the south can be due only
 to a desire to kindle dead embers into | a blaze. And such an attempt IS not only
 unpatriotic and insincere in purpose but falls under the ban set up by al ldecent men, regardless of section ol political party, as being the worst ol bad taste. ''Vuigarian'' is the word
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-03-08
NOT FOR THEM

From the New York Globe.
 It was well known in staggeringly high society that the beautiful Lady Rose mary had never been kissed before, and as after long, languorous embrace the athletic young Duke of Rushmore released his hold she gazed searchingly into his love-lit eyes and questioned:
 And do the poor indulge in this way?"
 Quite frequently, little pet,' answered the high parsonage.
 Well, well, well. And do they expe- rience the same sensations as we do dear?'
 Absolutely Dear, dear, dear. Why, it's much toe good for the working classesn
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-03-08
uor WATER BED IS TASTEFUL

From the Popular Science Monthly.
 Sleeping in bath-tub full of water kept at blood temperature is claimed by some physicians to give the required amount of rest in half the time that sleeping in a bed requires. In other words four hours sleep in a bathtub filled with water at the proper temper ature-and always maintained at that temperature-will result in the exact amount uf restfulness that eight hours in bed will give.
 The explanation is that warm water
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-03-08
The Presidents Decisive Victory

Stand by the President" was an effective slogan, for the long and spirited debate in the House of Rep resentatives, which resulted in a sweeping victory for the administra- ton.
 It was to be expected that the McLemore warning resolution would be tabled just as similar resolu- ton had been tabled in the Senate, but the majority for the administra- tion's contention that the President and the state department must be al lowed to conduct diplomatic negotia- tions without congressional interfer- ence, was larger than had been fore cast.
 When MT. Bryan was thought to be lying in wait to weaken the ad- ministration's support, the question of his influence was problematical, but if the former Secretary of State be- gan his conferences in Washington with sinister object in view, he found that President Wilson was too strong for him. At any rate Mir. Bryan was quoted yesterday as advising those who would listen to him to stand by the President.
 While the agitation in Congress was, technically speaking, nonparti- san, it was regrettable, nevertheless, to find as many as thirty-three demo- crats voting with a majority of the republicans. Some of those who voted with Representative McLemore may have been honest in their stand, but if so they had small conception of the presidential prerogative in handling delicate diplomatic affairs, or of the reason for such prerogative.
 Many of them were playing a game of politics, pure and simple. On the republican side this should cause no surprise. All the more honor to those Iof the republican minority who rose above party and voted as the spirit of patriotism impelled them to do. But it is hard to see how a democratic congressman who voted against the administration can save his face wher he gets back home.
 Now that the tension between the legislative and the executive branches of the government has been relieved President Wilson and Secretary o1 State Lansing will proceed with tht negotiations with Germany over sub marine warfare without further em barrassment from the capitol.
 The public has faith in the Presi dents ability to cope with difficulties seemingly insurmountable. Crisi after crisis has been met and passed and the administration has never ye sacrificed the honor of the country
 Public opinion will continue to b.
 on the Presidents side in his attitud toward the warning nations, and nov
 that meddlesome or i'll disposed con
 gressmen have learned a lesson tn
 country may count on a parliamentar, calm for time. It is well.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-03-08
POETS PEACEFUL DAYS
From the New Orleans Telegram.

From the New Orleans Telegram.
 Recently letter from Shelley, the poet, to a friend was sold at auction fol S14S5, in New York. It gives a picture oi Byron's strenuous fife: Lord Byron gets up at D. m. I get up at 12 After breakfast, we sit talking till 6 From to we gailop through pine for ests !" We then come home ant dine and sit up gossiping till in tht morning. l don't suppose this will xii! me in week or fortnight, but shall not try it any longer.'' s
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-03-08
Convention Accommodations

Ever since Birmingham has had ample hotel accommodations for en- tertaining great crowds, it's most nressing need, from a festival or con- vention point of view, has been an auditorium with a vast seating capac- ity.
 Birmingham has handsome thea tres. but the largest of them seats only 22OO people, and that is not large enough for great musical affairs ol conventions of national scope. The lack of an auditorium was stressed a few weeks ago when symphony concerts attracted not only capacity houses, but fully 2000 children who applied for tickets for the matinee were deprived of the pleasure of at tending because of the limited size ol the building where the music was ren dered.
 Another symphony festival will bt held here in May and the young peo ple's concert will be one of it's flea lures, but many children will be dis appointed again because there will no be tickets enough, or rather seat enough, to go round for all wh'
 Ln
 The Confederate reunion in Ma. will be an exceptionally brilliant af fair. and visitors will come in grea numbers from all parts of the south While an auditorium could be used t
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-03-08
HOTEL LOBBIES
convtcts Well Cared For.

The eonyicts of the state are well cared for and are treated humanely at every camp" said J. M Kyser, state convict inspector who was at the Nor rfs yesterday.
 T find that the men get plenty of good wholesome food, are placed in com fortable quarters and receive the best of medical attention when il There is very little complaining on the part of the convicts, and tte situation over the state is highly satisfactory"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-03-08
INTRODUCING MIR. sPINKs.
,indv man is William Spinks,

A windy man is William Spinks, Who always says just what he thinks. And though but small attentions paid, He won't keep stll-is not afraid To let the world know how he stands On questions of the day-demands His just inalienable right
 To talk all day and half the night.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-03-08
A MAN OF rARTs

From the New Orleans States.
 The Omaha World-Herald says; w. s. McCune, who is in from his cattle ranch in Colorado, has grown athletic. He gets up muscle by pitching hay SC miles south of Larnie." If he can pitch hay that far he ought to be able to get a job with one of the European bellig- erents as a long distance bomb thrower.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-03-08
PROBABI.Y NOT

From the Houston Post.
 Birmingham and Louisville are mov- ing heaven and earth to get auditor iums. We tell these ambitious nuni- ties that while auditoriums have theil good uses, they will never be able to keep Bryan and Roosevelt out of them
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-03-08

1 A new oil producing nut was recently discovered in the Philippine Islands which promises to open up a great industry. A report was recently made to the depart ment of commerce on work of develop
 ment being done by government scien lists in the archipelago. who state that the nut is widely distributed A resident in one of the remote districts of the
 flora, sent a sack of nuts to a friend in
 Malna. They were not the kind of nuts expected by the recipient. AS they were
 totally unfamiliar to him, his interest was aroused and he took some specimens to the government laboratories. It was found that they yielded an excellent non
 drying oil, which was recommended for making soap. A Manila soap manufac- turing firm has already shipped in more than 40,00O pounds of the nuts and has found the oil entirely satisfactory. It is said that oil extracted from these nuts was IoFmefly used py rne nallVeS TOT Illuminating purposes, but when petro- leum was introduced it was abandoned. different names in various localities. Government scientists predict that many other uses will be found for the oil in ad- dition to soap making, and it will doubt less become an important factor in the commerce Of the islands.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-03-08
AT LEAST TWO
'om the Nashville Banner.

From the Nashville Banner.
 A Brooklyn justice rejected II appli- 1 cations for citizenship because the ap- plcants could not explain the English they read. No person is qualified fol
 citizenship in this country unless he car
 place at least two constructions on it.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-03-08
=sz--,szzssz----.r-z: i'-------

BEGINNING THE DAY-Lord, xvouId have Christ walk up and down in my life today. II He changes my business or my met"- ods or my attitude toward men anu things; if He takes away my mones' if he leaves me friendless, ! pray Thee let me follow Him stili' TOT He is light and life. In His harhe' Amen.-H. M. E,
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-03-08
ALABAMA PRESS

Annston Star: The St. Paul Pioneer output This is depressing news for the youngsters.
 Montgomery Advertiser: A St. Louis girl eloped and married young man of St Louis on the same date her parents announced her engagement to a New Yorker. By eloping immediately instead of waiting till the wedding date the young woman saved the New York man railroad fare to St. Louis, and at the same time got the man she wanted, too
 Moundville News: The papers of Bir- mingham are congratulating themselves that that city is only F miles from the Warrior Guh-racious goodness, Miss Agnes! Moundville is within three-quar- ters of mile of the Warrior with a di- rect pike road leading to the river bank which this side of the river is so high the water never gets beyond it. How Birmingham must envy us!
 Eufaula Citizen: There are those who are opposed to the question of a new county. formed from upper and lower Barbour, being raised, but there will be no satisfactory settlement of the road and other questions which concern up until such a division is made. Small counties have been proven more satis- factory than large ones, and Barbour will be ready to vote with Birmingham for a constitutional convention in order to settle some of these important mat ters
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-03-08
ADRIF'T WITH THE TIMES
MODERN VERSION.

The king was in his counting house, Musing. OCT his troubles, The queen was in cabaret,
 Filling up on bubbles.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-03-08
TO A PORTRAIT

By Arthur Symons. A pensive photograph
 Watches me from the shelf; Ghost of old love. and half
 Chest of myself! How the dear waiting eyes Watch me and love me yet; Sad home of memories,
 Her waiting eyes! 4s Ghost of old love, wronged ghost Return, through all the pain Of all once loved, long lost.
 Come back again. Forget not, but forgive!
 Alas, too late I cry, We are two ghosts that had their q
 to live.
 And lost it. she and I.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-03-08
DISTRESSING CASE.
"Too bad about Dubwaite. !"

'Too bad about Dubwaite.''
 What's the matter with him?' He's suffering from paralysis of the forearm
 "You must be mistaken
 NO, I'm not. I bought six drinks last night and he wasn't able to reach for a single check
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-03-08
A Potential Influence

Tt is encouraging to know that the United States Goods Roads association is so deeply interested in the building of the Warrior highway, and making it part of a great system of highways" said Hugh McGeever, of the board of revenue.
 This association has already indorsed the building of the road and the indorse- ment of the highway by the Unl.ed States Good Roads association means a great deal to the proJect fer that body is undoubtedly the most Influential and powerful good roads organization in America. It has members and officers ir every state in the Union. Among the members of the general council that di- rects the organ zatiou are :5 governors, nine United States senators, IS members of the House of Representatives, and men in every walk of life. I am glad that they will help us in this work"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-03-08

Uncle Joe Cannon says he's not profane,
 but it's too late now for him to live down his reputation
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-03-08

Colonel House says the submarine con- ftroversy with Germany must be carefully handled, if break is to be avoided. Won derful man.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-03-08

Scientists have accounted for the slides in the Panama canal, but what the na- tion would like to know is how long they are going to continue.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-03-08

Persons accustomed to view with alarm are beginning to hope that Venice will survive the war and welcome tourists as of yore.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-03-08

Restlessness among suburbanites 1ndl- cates that garden activities will soon be we'll under way.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-03-08

The Warrior continues to roll serenely to the gulf and Birmingham vii. never Dc satisfied until she gets it.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-03-08

Congress seems unable to find itself without assistance. w. J. B. is credited with being willing to help.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-03-08

republican contemporary says Presi- dent Wilson has just one more year in the White House. Important if true.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-03-08

At the present rate of progress the war will be over before an agreement is reached on what constitutes defensive and offensive armament.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-03-08

Birmingham is having a brilliant musi- cal season, despite the fact that Italian organ grinders have been conspicuous by their absence.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-03-08

Philadelphia feels hurt because Billy Sunday seems to have forgotten all about the big donations given him in the City of Brotherly Love.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-03-08

It would be sad day for Paris if an- other Teuton host should march beneath the Arch of Triumph.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-03-08

A Walker county politician is so confi- , dent that Captain Hobson will be de- feated in the Tenth district that he merely
 asks his friends for their prayers and sympathy
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-03-08
LARGE CALIBRE

From the Memphis Commercial Appeal. Anna Held says that men of brains could end this war. But they'd have to
 be the 42-centimeter kind of brains. Anna.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-03-08

The slendid and bloodless record of the Moewe is an example the commanders of German submarines would do well to fol- low
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-03-08

Miss Bessie Shaw anu w. h. Brum- beIoe are the only authorized traVe4- ing representatives o1 The ASe-I1eA alu ill It's circulation department me Aee-Heralu Is not responsible 1oI money palu .o ouI-of-town carriers oi 0edlelS.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-03-08

No communication will be published without it's authors name. ReJecteo manuscript will not be returned uh- less stamps are enclosed Tor that pul pose.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-03-08
THE BRIGHTER SIDE.

'Is it not a fact that in the misfor- tunes of our best friends we find cause
 for secret satisfaction?" asked the al- truist.
 Depends on what they've been doing" :"
 answered the practical man. 'Yes?" "If friend of mine happens to get the
 speed mania, being fined once or twice a week in some police court is apt to cure him and save his life. In misfor- tunes of that kind I rejoice exceedingly"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-03-08
Higher Rank for Major General Scott

T was glad to see that Senator Cham berlain's bill for increasing and rearrang- storing the grade of lieutenant general for the chief of staff,'' said Mr. B. Sutton of Washington, D. C., a retired officer of the National Guard. T believe this proposition will be well received. It is understood that the grade of lieutenant general will be made permanent.
 Maj. Gen. Hugh l.. Scott, the present chief of staff, has about q year longer to serve in this position, and would have the honor of being the first officer on the active list of today of attaching lieuten- ant general to his official signature.
 There are three lieutenant generals on the retired list-Bates, Miles and Young"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-03-08

Washington bureau, POT Hibbs build ing & .+
 European bureau, 6 Henrietta street. Covent Garden, London.
 Eastern business office, Rooms 40 to 50, inclusive, Tribune bulldlng' Ne" York city; western business olIlce' Tribune building, Chicago. The D: C' Beckwith Special Agency, agents loi- eign advertising.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-03-08

Remittapces can be made at current rate of exchange. The Age-Herald will not be responsible for money sent through the malls. Address,
 s4 THE AGE HERALD,
 Birmingham, Ala
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-03-08

Daily and sunday Herald, year $6.JO Dailv without Sunuay 4.OC
 DaiIy and sunday, per month. -SV Daily and Sunuay, three months. A'oV w eeKly Age Herald, per annum. .oo
 Sunday ASe-Herald, per annum.. S'Vo
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-03-08

A HUSBAND TO SUPPORT Are you a certified cook?' ''Yessum. Here's my certificate" But that's a marriage certificate" "Yessum. That certifies I've got { work.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-03-08

With the Russians keeping them on the move the Turks can't take day off for a massacre.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-03-08
OLD ONES RENAMED

 He has look of furtive care, Like one of crime suspected, As he starts out at morn to wear The tie his wife selected.
 Washington Star. Te has a look of cringing fear, But hopes his luck will save him, As he starts in to smoke the near Cigars his help-meet gave him.
 Macon Telegraph. His visage shows the dread he feels; A tear bedims his doubtful eye As toward the festal board he wheels To eat his wife's first-baked pie.
 Youngstown Telegram. Methinks these jokes are far from new They call to mind Joe Miller; But there's one thing that I can do- I'll use them as a "filler.'
 NOTHING MORE TO SAY. Does your wife lay down the law ts you?"
 Many times and oft" replied the meek looking man. And how do you act?" "Oh, just like an ordinary litigant whose case is passed on by the supreme court''
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-03-08
UNAVAILABLE TALENT.

Now that your boy has finished col lege, I dare say he will be a great help to you in your business
 coin. You see, I devote all my attention to the manufacture of shirts and over alls. If were the proprietor of danc- ing academy. however, my son would prove an invaluable assistant
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-03-08

completely relaXes the nerves, which or- dinary sleep does not necessarily do. The most difficult part of this treatment is in maintaining the water at a constant temperature, and for the purpose of &C., complaining the result middle western manufacturer has recently brought out on the market thermostatic water con- trol apparatus. which, as it's name im- plies, maintains the water at any de- sired temperature.
 In practice, the patient climbs into a bathtub filled with water, his head pro- truding through a hole in a rubber blanket, which is strapped around the edges of the tub. Water constantly flows in at one end of the tub and out at the other.
 For the harried business man, who complains that his working day is too short, such sleeping couch as this should have distinct appeal He should be willing to rest four hours at least.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-03-08

Entered at the Birmingham, Ala, pcstoffice as second class matter un- der act of Congress March 3. 1879.