davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Penn's Grove record., 1916-06-09
Jaybird Robs Mail Box.

Admission federal officers are won
dering if they must begin a search for
a jaybird guilty of robbing the mails.
A postman placed a letter in the box
of Dave Young, Twenty-1rst and Mo
bile STREETS, and then long came a
jaybird and took it out. If the jay
bird can be identified the case may
come before the next session of the
federal grand jury.-Anniston (Ala.)
Dispatch to Atlanta Journal.
The Penn's Grove record., 1916-06-09
The Jar.

John D. Rockefeller was congratu-
lated by a New York reporter on his
recent gift of $1,275,000 to education.
1T must be a fine feeling" said the
reporter, Ito give away millions"
you get used to it." said Mr.. Rookie
Teller. ITO stop giving is what would
jar me I'm afraid I'm like the re-
tired business man whose wife said
the first day of his retirement:
Father, what's the matter? You
look so worried
well, no wonder I'm worried said
he. I've before had nothing to
worry about"
The Penn's Grove record., 1916-06-09
Unavailable Talent.

Now that your boy has finished col
iege, I dare say he will be a great help
to you in your business"
I'm afraid not" answered Mr.. Grab
coin. you see, l devote all my at
tention to the manufacture of shirts
ana overalls. If l were the proprietor
of a dancing academy, however, my
son would prove an invaluable as
sistant."
The Penn's Grove record., 1916-06-09
1t All Depends,

L suppose you are a believer in
harmony" remarked the %garrulous
barber.
Sometimes / am and sometimes
I'm not" replied the local politician.
How is that?" queried the knight
of the lather brush.
We'll, take your business for ex-
ample" answered the l. p. 81 fail to
see just why you and your razor
should pull together"
The Penn's Grove record., 1916-06-09
N. u, NEW YORK, NO. 24-1s1e.
Glad Occasion.

Rafferty," said Mr.. Dolan, what
would be your feelin's if you should
hear a mar speaking with disrespect
of the American f1ag?"
my feelings would be those of
great delight. l could think of nothin'
more joyous than the pleasure l was
going to take in giving him a licking"
The Penn's Grove record., 1916-06-09
RECKLES
Now La the Time to Get Bid of These
URlY sDOtR.

There's no longer the slightest need OF
feeling ashamed of your freckles, as the
prescription ~othine-double strengths
guaranteed 70 remove these homeIy spots.
Simply get an ounce Of othine-double
strength-from your druggist, and apply a
little Of it night and morning and you
should soon see that even the worst freckles
have begun TO disappear, while the lighter
ones have vanished entirely. It is seldom
that more than one ounce 10 needed to COM
pletely clear the skin and gain a beautiful
clear complexion.
Be sure to ask for the double strength
othine, as this Is sold under guarantee Of
money back If It fails to remove freckleA-
Adv.
The Penn's Grove record., 1916-06-09
Only Meter She Knew.

Hub with newspaper)-I see that
the French have gained 200 meters
from the enemy.
Wife-Two hundred metersi / sup
pose the Germans made another of
their gas attacks.
The Penn's Grove record., 1916-06-09

DO my own work,
had to hire it done.
/ heard SO much
about Lydia E. Pink
hams vegetab BIZ
Compound that /
tried Itook three
bottles and I found
it to be all you
claim. NowIfeel as
well as ever / did and
am able to do all my
nun uoxL a~nfn 4
The Penn's Grove record., 1916-06-09
The HeartIess Handshake.

OF course, a man can get along If
ne keeps still and shakes hands with
everybody"
Even shaking hands requires dis
erection. / know a man who lost a lot
pr friends by initiating the busy hand
Hhakers who lift you along gently and
firmly for fear you will try to start a
Conversation"
The Penn's Grove record., 1916-06-09
Heard in Barber Shop.

. There's a lot of truth in the old say
ing" remarked the bald-headed victim
in the chair of torture, that a fool and
his money are soon parted"
Whats gnawin' you now" queried
the barber-butcher, as he proceeded to
comb the victims missing locks with a
towel. did the boss work you for a
bottle of his hair tonic?"
The Penn's Grove record., 1916-06-09
Nothing More to Say.

Does your wife lay down the law
10 your"
Many times and off," replied the
meek-looking man.
And how do you act?"
oh, just like an ordinary litigant
whose case is passed on by the SUI
preme court"
The Penn's Grove record., 1916-06-09
Sensitive,

Assistant Ito old lady who has hand
ed in a badly spelled telegram
What's this word, please?
Old Lady-Never mind that, miss;
it's none of your business. They'll
know at the other end.
The Penn's Grove record., 1916-06-09

LADIE CAN WEAR SHOES
One size smaller after using Aliens Foot
Ease. the antiseptic powder for the feet.
shaken into shoes and used In foot-bath,
Aliens Foot-Ease makes tight shoes fee
easy, n gives instant relief to corns and
b%unions. Try IT today. Sold everywhere,
&c. For FREE trial package, Address.
Allen s. Olmsted, lie Roy, N. z. Adv.
The Penn's Grove record., 1916-06-09
Making Sure.

Il wish to buy some ointment"
Eyes, madam"
viii you open the jar?"
why, this is a sealed package.
Yours is an unusual request"
Il know. But I've often heard that
there's a fly in the ointment, and
wish to make sure that there is none
in what l buy"
The Penn's Grove record., 1916-06-09
help FOR
WORKING WOMEN
Some Have to Keep on Until
They Almost Drop. How
Mrs. Conley Got Help.

Here is q letter from q woman who
had TO work, but was too weak and suf-
fered too much to continue. How she
regained health =
Frankfort, Ky.-"I suffered 80 much
with female weakness that / could not
The Penn's Grove record., 1916-06-09
Drew a Lemon.

What kind of a husband did your
sister get?"
cav, she got a lemon. He makes
her economic on clothes to pay for
the candy and flowers he sent her be-
fore they were married"
The Penn's Grove record., 1916-06-09
Following Suit.

These are dreadful times. Ev-
erything is high"
Yes, l notice even the mercury has
been going up"
The Penn's Grove record., 1916-06-09
The Nav of IL

We'll" said the advertising poster
man to his assistant, we've struck q
case Of paradoxical luck"
"How's that?" asked the other.
Here's a wall to our progress, and
we will soon be up against it."
The Penn's Grove record., 1916-06-09
Novelty Demanded.

you don't say down with the
trusts!' in your speeches n more"
NO" replied Senator Sorghum;
mine are like other audiences. You've
got to give 'em something new"
The Penn's Grove record., 1916-06-09
A Sincere Perfnrmer.

Us Bliggins patriotic?"
Tremendously SO. Why, he wants
to get out and start a war so that he
can have the pleasure of fighting for
his country"
The Penn's Grove record., 1916-06-09
A WIIinu Worker.

Mamma" said little Louise, what
is a schemer?"
"A schemer, my dear" replied the
knowing mother, "is a man who would
rather swindle a fellow man out of a
nickel than earn a dollar by honest
labor"
The Penn's Grove record., 1916-06-09
SWAMP
ROOT

may be found just the remedy you need.
At druggists in fifty cent and dollar sizes.
You may receive a sample size bottle Of
this reliable medicine by Parcel Post,
also pamphlet telling about it.
Address DR.. Kilmer & Co., Binghamton.
n. Y; and enclose ten cents, also mem
ton this paper.
The Penn's Grove record., 1916-06-09
The Balance.

Wife docking at her shopping par
cel)-There is no body in this materi-
al of my purchase.
Husband Cooking at his)-There's
plenty of spirit in mine.
The Penn's Grove record., 1916-06-09
Its True Value.

The Parson-Now, tell me candidly,
doctor, is there really anything in this
so-called imaginary illness of women?
The NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS. is
about $4,000 a year in it for me.
The Penn's Grove record., 1916-06-09
An lnsinuation.

Sapleigh-How dweadful pawents
must feel when theah offspwing is
bawn an idiot, doncher know.
Miss Cutting-Yes, indeed. l have
always felt sorry for your parents.
The Penn's Grove record., 1916-06-09
More B~usinessIike.

you never encourage mud-slinging
in a campaign"
NO." replied Senator Sorghum: IF
you're going to throw something,
throw a rock"
The Penn's Grove record., 1916-06-09
On the Trip,

Captain-A fine day and a good
wind. I see things coming our way
Just now.
Timid Passenger hope none of
them is a torpedo!
The Penn's Grove record., 1916-06-09
Her Bet.

Dolly-And you tell me that you
have graduated from the school of
experience?
Cholly-Ah, yes.
Dolly-Ill bet it was a night school.
Tiger.
The Penn's Grove record., 1916-06-09
Dire Result.

How did that amateur pianist at
the concert execute your compost
tion?"
He didn't execute it at all. He MUIR
dered it,"
The Penn's Grove record., 1916-06-09
WANDERING Tootsies.

Twinkle, twinkle, little feet,
OF a chorus girl SO neat!
How I wonder If those tootsies
Are relieved by Ellen's foot-ease!
IN. Y. Tribune.
The Penn's Grove record., 1916-06-09
Sure.
yourself?'

Who has the gift of repartee
Might just as well go lose it,
Unless he has the wit to see
The proper time to use 1t.
The Penn's Grove record., 1916-06-09
Wise Youth.

did you father catch that admirer
of yours he dislikes when he started
to kick him out"
mo, indeed. You see, George be-
lieves in preparedness"
The Penn's Grove record., 1916-06-09
An Eve for Beauty.

Has he a sense of f~airness?"
Goodness, yes! He can tell them a
block away"
The Penn's Grove record., 1916-06-09
GETTING at the Facts.

you are opaque, are you not?" sar-
castically asked a man in the crowd
of another who was standing in front
of him.
Faith, an Dim not" replied the
other. Its Misther O'Brien OF do
be-"
The Penn's Grove record., 1916-06-09

FITS, EPILEPSY, FALLING SICKNESS
stopped Quickly. Fifty years Of uninterrupted
success OF DIR. Khne's Epilepsy Medicine insures
lasting results. LARGE TRIAL bottle FREE. DIR.
KIM COMPANY, Red Bank, n. J-AdY.
The Penn's Grove record., 1916-06-09

Fortunate is the locomotive engi-
neer who leads a wreckless life.
The Penn's Grove record., 1916-06-09

"Ihat fellow Jones reminus me OIL a
tombstone"
~ Because he is dead set in his way,
chi"
No, because he always has a good
word for a man when he's down."
The Penn's Grove record., 1916-06-09

Give us an Easter bonnet in this
world and we'll take chances on get
ting a halo in the next.
The Penn's Grove record., 1916-06-09
His Causes.

F'Ananias got into trouble unlike any
&5ther business man could do"
How so?"
Through both his assets and lie
abilities.
The Penn's Grove record., 1916-06-09
In the Restaurant.

He-Now, dear, we will have a
course dinner.
She-Oh. you mean thing! You
promised you would give me a fine
onei
The Penn's Grove record., 1916-06-09

Consumption of coffee In France has
doubled during the last so years.
The Penn's Grove record., 1916-06-09

rs the house that Jack built a fairy
tale, papa?"
"Yes, dear"
/ why is it a fairy tale?"
: Because it didn't cost any more
than the architects estimate"
The Penn's Grove record., 1916-06-09
Proof.

Proof.
Tittle-Is he a man of the hour?
Tattle-Yep; he always keeps his
eye on the clock.-Judge.
The Penn's Grove record., 1916-06-09
At the Boarding House.

Mrs. Skimp, you would make a very
popular railroad manager
why do you say that, Mr..
Grouob o,
The Penn's Grove record., 1916-06-09
Public Speaking

successfully taught by mail. Il Is the prepared
man who lie able to take advantage of opportunities.
Learn how 20 convey your ideas in q clear, strong
and convincing manner. Study how to develop
your voice, overcome defects in speech, and think
on your feet" All this and more can be learned BY
any one who has only q limited amount Of school,
Ing by studying the Home Course in Public Speak
Ing BY Edwin Gordon Lawrence, the foremost teach
er of oratory in America For full particulars
address The Lawrence System of Public
Speaking, 149 w. 35th St., New York City
The Penn's Grove record., 1916-06-09

Is not recommended
for everything; but If
you have kidney, liver
or bladder trouble If
The Penn's Grove record., 1916-06-09

Because of your tendency to keep
cutting down the fare"
The public ledger. [volume] (Maysville, Ky.) 1913-1968, 1916-03-03
WHAT OF THE PEoPLE9

In all political parties the self constituted leaders are casting
around to determine they will select to make the race Tor
President and Vice of the United States the next election
That Congressman So and SO and Boss some
body getting their heads together in an effort to Int upon
likely persons who will he acceptable to hem and the
hoping and praying that the political lightning may strike
himself.
The people, Pooh They don't count All the are expected or
allowed trail along the polls and vote they told
to do They supposed think because they not cred
tied by the bosses with possessing brains
nothing of rights
When the grea parties their seal of approval
disapprOva upon this that do they first to the
people of their districts THEY for President
Not bit of it,
the people know of politics. What do they know
of men and the Who they that they should
even presume the selection standard bearer
for a great political party?
At least so great and the mighty"
will change Some day the of the
will into his and the great and the elect
will bow down 10 his wishes and crawl for his favor
day this country will be nation of the people and will
governed by the people and their will will be law unto itself
Speed the day when the people something than just h
people"
The public ledger. [volume] (Maysville, Ky.) 1913-1968, 1916-03-03
STRAY DOGS.

Maysve is in the hroes of Oversuppy of dogs The
animals accounted for by the fact country
becoming dissatisfied with their surroundings and moving to
the city They aided and ahced by tobacco and farm
permit them follow market Once in Maysvie the
Immediately with convenences and advantages
Of our, city and are lost to the farm.
the warehouses; drovS congrgate
and a TO public safety and health
Our experts tell dogs the valuable item
the list producing than diamonds pianos
If paid least portion of the monges
liberty in and around this city the debt would he thing
the past dispatch Louisville dogs by the hun
being killed outbreak of
rabies The condition holds many other parts of the
and neighbOrng states.
evidently suffering from this dread maady attacked
persons Third escaped probably
o spread alarm and infection throughout the county.
The Jefferson county policy put into effect would prove
3 great relief to residents
kndhearted people feed the birds during the which
makes them much better eating for the that these people
keep
Autographs of distinguished hard Secretary
Lansing is finding his endeavOr Kaiser Bill sign
the Lnsitania agreement
suspected lobby gathered
farmers institutes discusses soils less than makes of automobiles
The Congressman would evidently rather pensions
preparedness the former into their districts
Cardaying is still being denounced by people
has far been communicated for playing three old
The public ledger. [volume] (Maysville, Ky.) 1913-1968, 1916-03-03
CHAMP EARNS $4,000.

New York, March Jess" Willard
has earned $4,000 since he became
chamion," announced Manager Ton
Jones, after he had balanced his books
for February. Jess got $141 900 foI
his circus work, $4,000 for newspaper
writing and the balance came from
theatrical engagements and other out.
side sources
I'm this total | am not including
what Jess will get for his bout with
Moran. That will bring 1t close t.
s29O,OOO. In April Jess will start his
circus work again, and will get $1,000
day for $50 days. That means that
Jess Willard will have earned nearly
half a million in less than eighteen
months as the title holder"
The public ledger. [volume] (Maysville, Ky.) 1913-1968, 1916-03-03

Stinsaree Then Read Carefully the
Latest Bulletin Of a Reward.
him-certain ruin or a sudden death
and the drops stood thick upon his
skin.
"What of BOwenf" he at length ask
ed hosrsely. The idea Of another vie
tim came as some slight alienation OF
bis own grOtesque case.
81 didn't kill him." said Stingaree.
Good" said Kilbride. 1t was some
thing that two OF them should live TO
share the shame,
But wing him | did," added the
bushranger. II couldn't help myself
The beggHr put a bullet through my
hat He did well only to get one back
in the leg"
Kilbride lOnged TO be winged and
wounded In his turn. since blood alone
could lessen his disgrace. On cooler
reflection, however, II was obviously
wiser TO feign a surrender more abject
than It might finally prove to have
been.
Well" said Kilbride, you have the
whip hand over me this time, aud
give you best. How long are You 90
ing 10 keep me Oh my kGeCHi'
"You can get up when yea like" re-
piled Stingaree, III you pI ,Iise not to
play the fool So you We really go
ing TO take me this time, we've your 1
have really no desire to rub IL Ia. but
IL were you l should have kept that
TO myself until I'd done Il And you
wanted TO have me all 10 yolrselfl
Well, you couldn't pay mr a higher
compliment. but I'm going TO pay you
high one IA return. lon really did
make me run for II last tiue aud leave
all sorts OF things behind this time
l mean TO take them IA me ana
leave you here instead evortheless
you're the only Victorian rap have
any respect for, Mr. EilhriGe, or !
shouldn't have gone 10 an mi trouble
10 get you here"
Kilbrlde did not blanch, but he
heard his apparent doom Win gilt
terinG eye and was deaf for little to
The Pirates Of Perzance'
The public ledger. [volume] (Maysville, Ky.) 1913-1968, 1916-03-03
HOW TO GET STRONG
A Simple Remedy.

NLateye. tho cause, We want 70 say
TO every persons who needs strength,
you need Einol, our delicious cod liver
and iron tonic without oil, as II is the
most efficient strength creator we have
in our store. Here is proof from Dor
chester. Mass
IL don't know what we would do
without Vinol in our family, was
weak, nervous and rundown as the
result of an operation, and Vinol re-
stored my strength. The Grandmoth-
er had a nervous breakdown, and vi
mol built her up and restored her
health and strength after everything
else had failed. We have used VinOl
for IS years In our family and would
not be without II In the house" Myr-
tie l.. Healy. Dorchester, Mass.
We believe in Vinol because We
know It is a great strength CREATOR
due TO the attractive medicinal ele-
ments of fresh cod liyers, without Oil,
combined with peptonate Of iron and
beef peptone, all dissolved In a pure
medicinal wine, so we always return
the purchase money II Vinol fails 20
benefit those who buy H.
Pecor DRUG Company, Maysyille. KY.
The public ledger. [volume] (Maysville, Ky.) 1913-1968, 1916-03-03

One Of Them His Own.
the verge OF cursing his subordinate,
when all at once he was given fresh
cause. The musical box had burst into
selections from "The Pirates Of Pen
zance."
"What the deuce are you at?" shout.
ed the irate officer.
"Only seeing how It goes"
"Stop 1t at once, you fool He may
hear it,"
you said the bird had flown"
you dare to argue with me? BY
thunder you shall seew
But 1t was Subinspector Kilbride
who saw most. Backing precipitately
out OF the gunyah, he turned round be-
fore rising upright-and remained upon
his knees after all. lie was covered
by two revolvers, one Of them his own,
and the face behind the barrels was
the one with which the last hour had
familiarized Kilbride. The only diff
ference was the single eyeglass in the
right eye. And the strains of the mu.
SAChl OOA, 80 tHln anu llnhlIHS III lnt
open afr, filled the pause.
what I'm blazes are you playing atY
laughed the luckless officer, feigning tc
treat the affair as joke even while
the iron truth was entering his sou
by inches
Rise another inch without my leave
and you may be in blazes to see!'
"LOok here. Bowen, what do YOU
mea6?"
"Only that Stingaree happens to BE-
at home after all, Mr.. Kilbride."
The victims grin was no longer
forced; the situation made for laughter
even If the laughter were hysterical
and for an instant it was given even
10 Kilbride to see the cruel humor OF
1t. Then he realized all it meant tC
The public ledger. [volume] (Maysville, Ky.) 1913-1968, 1916-03-03

and stayed four weeks but when came
home would faint just the same and
had the same pains.
A friend who is nurse said for me to
try Lydia E. Pinkham's Vegetable Com
pound. began takingit that very day
for / was suffering a great deal. 1t
has already done me more good
than the hospital. To anyone who is
suffering as was my advice is to stop
in the first drugstore and get bottle
of Lydia E. Pinkham's Vegetable Com
pound before you go home. Mrs. W.
c. BROWN, 11O9 Auburn Avenue, Cleve-
land, Ohio.
/ Why not take Mrs. Browns advice2
Write for free and helpful
advice to Lydia Il. Pinkham
Medicine Co. (cOnfidentiaD, Lynn,
Mass.
The public ledger. [volume] (Maysville, Ky.) 1913-1968, 1916-03-03

The engineers on the Kanawha river
towboats J. T. Hatfield and Dorothy
Barrett reported defects In the boilers
on their respective boats to the fed.
eral inspectors, Clark and Thomas, OF
Point Pleasant, says the State Gazette
The engineers blame the owners and
captains, who sometimes overload the
boats and carry excessive steam in or
der to make faster time with tows.
The public ledger. [volume] (Maysville, Ky.) 1913-1968, 1916-03-03
PECOR DRUG STORE
PUBIC SALE.

Saturday, March 4, at the old Sallee
farm, one mile from Fernleaf, on the
Clark Run and Washington pike.
s registered Short Horn Cattle
10 Horses and Mules. 10 Graded Short
Horn Cattle. 20 head OF Hogs, Farming
Implements, Household and Kitchen
Furniture.
All sums under $40 cash. over that
amount the purchaser will be given
one years time, without interest. upon
furnishing note with security
MRS. A. j. DONOVAN. Executrix.
II. c. Hawkins. AuctiOneer
The public ledger. [volume] (Maysville, Ky.) 1913-1968, 1916-03-03

Iseland's largest waterfall has been
purchased by British company which
plans to develop 100000 horsepower
for the manufacture of atmospheric
nitrogen
The public ledger. [volume] (Maysville, Ky.) 1913-1968, 1916-03-03

/ could not stand
it any longer. 1t
was all in my lower
organs. At times !
could hardly walk,
for if l stepped on a
little stone | would
almost faint. One
day i did faint and
my husband W a s
sent for and the doc
tor came. / was ia
ken to the hospital
The public ledger. [volume] (Maysville, Ky.) 1913-1968, 1916-03-03

The big sweet toned whistle that IL
now doing service on the large Pitts
burg and New Orleans towboat F. NJ
Wallace, is recognized by a number Of
rivermen as the whistle Of the famous
W. w. O'Neal, which previous to be-
ing dismantled several years ago, was
one of the largest and most successful
towboats on western waters.
The public ledger. [volume] (Maysville, Ky.) 1913-1968, 1916-03-03

Knbride then crept Into the gunyah
upon his hands and knees and found
II less dark than he had supposed, the
light altering freely through the leaves
and branches. At the inner extremity
he found a widowed blanket and the
place where the musical box had evil
IDENTIFY lain a long time, but there,
though he delvcd to the elbows in the
loosened earth, his discoveries ended.
Puzzled and annoyed, KilbrIde was on
The public ledger. [volume] (Maysville, Ky.) 1913-1968, 1916-03-03

Pilots Dayton Randolph and Tony
Meldahl took the Homer Smith from
PiUsburg to Cincinnati, and the Con
nor brothers pilot her on to New Or.
leans The excursion steamer had
aboard 1870 passengers from Toronto
Canada, Buffalo. ~ ", and Oil City
Pa.
The public ledger. [volume] (Maysville, Ky.) 1913-1968, 1916-03-03
CrdXe'$
Bread

Tor ever a quarter II a cen.
fury II has been the standard II
perfection by which all others
are judged.
II Is baked by sanitary bakers
In a sanitary bake$bcp. Chars
Why We are known as Quality
Bakers"
The public ledger. [volume] (Maysville, Ky.) 1913-1968, 1916-03-03
JOHN W. PORTER
FUNERAL DIRECTOR

once Phone ST. Home Phone 90
II Easi Second stree. MaysviIle Ky
The public ledger. [volume] (Maysville, Ky.) 1913-1968, 1916-03-03
four WEEKS
IN HOSPITAL
Mrs. Brown Finally Restored to
Health by Lydia E. Pinkham's
Vegetable Compound.

Cleveland, Ohio. For years suf-
fered so sometimes it seemed as though
The public ledger. [volume] (Maysville, Ky.) 1913-1968, 1916-03-03
WANTED!

Horses to 0 years OF age. viii
be at COughlln & COmpany's Stable
March 6, 1916.
The public ledger. [volume] (Maysville, Ky.) 1913-1968, 1916-03-03
Stingaree

by y. W. Hornumb.
Copyright by Charles Scribner's Sons,
The public ledger. [volume] (Maysville, Ky.) 1913-1968, 1916-03-03

The Congressman would evidently rather for pens,
preparedness the former go into their districts