Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1916-04-22

simply for looking glass purposes, and he
had satisfied himself that he was grand
sight when arrayed therein. 1t was true
it fitted him exactly as if it were made
for some one else. several years younger.
thinner and less gigantic in stature. but
a young man can always kid himself into
believing his clothes are perfect.
In addition. Albert purchased himself
pair Of patent leather shoes. for him
self alone and not to be shared with
any one on earth These shoes were of
the ffendish glace kind that made civiliza-
ton a mockery few decades back. They
hae shine like a bright sunny day in
August, and felt like the inside of fur
mace when incasing the human foot.
Therefore. with all the freedom of
man in a straight jacket, he mounted
the steps of Stewart Castle and was
admitted by a severe person in knee
breaches. Lifting his torturing patent
feathers after the manner of an Aus
tralian convict toiling along the road
with ball and chain attachment, AL
bert took one step into the reception
Of the avenue of splendor before him.
Washington society in double concen-
trated form presented itself.
The shock was too great. The cruel
and one foot shot upward. Albert isn't
a ballet dancer. but he excelled them
all with that swift kick. Failing to
reach the ceiling with one toe. the 9TH
err foot scared skyward. and Albert
went down on the floor with a thump
heard round the world.
Fifteen well trained servants looked
at one another in panied surprise, and
a battery of lorgnettes were trained
upon the spraddling youth He en-
deavored to arise, and in his haste his
feathers gave another slide, and Albert
in the despair of drowning man
reached out to grasp anything in sight
that would sustain him. His clutchine
rI,t In,
sort the florist brings in to decorate
the house. Now this palm tree hap
pened to be composite vegetable, made
up by the sly florist of a large lot of
small imitation palms. The beauteous
thing was meant for decoration only
and not for trapeZe work. Therefore
as Albert tried to chin himself with his
legs in the air the pa i'm burst and flew
into thousand Pieces II simeon Of
the Saharas swept down upon lone
some date tree, it could never give that
tree more of shock than Albert gave
that fake palm. The Stewart mansion
was covered with palm spilnters for
months afterward.
And what is orse when Albert final
! " arose. assisted by one of the knee
breeched persons of the household, he
| knew his combination dress suit had
| actually split up the spine. like the
/ comic paper pictures. and that death
| was infinitely preferable to life at that
moment.
So he backed out. 1t SO happens tina I
| his face turned westward then, and he
| fed. He did not stop until he reached
| Tacoma. Wash.
! There was a grand game OF ball in
New Hampton. Iowa. a few days ago.
and. without turning over the matter
to that prince of sporting editors
| J. Ed ,Grillo. let me quote right here
the account of the game from the New
Hampton local paper. Don't overlook
the lineup. Here's the way the ac-
count read:
| 4 fierce base ball contest took place
| last Saturday afternoon In a pasture
south of town between the boys of
both being second teams.
| ST Josephs claimed the victory by a
score of so TO 8.
| The public school boys say that bad
umpiring was what beat them. while
the ST. Joseph lads claim there was
good umpiring and the umpire was
fair. The lineup:
St Josephs-Dutch CIary. catcher;
| Yank Canty, pitcher; Baa Clary. catch.
er; Bone Fox. first base: Herb Fox,
shortstop; Peter Ding McGinn. third
Bug Seeley. left field: Cub SculIy, cen
ter field; Francis Greten. right field.
Public-Fat Maurer, catcher: Ed
lSheakley. pitcher: Hank Wittenbers
first base; Pussy Smith. shortstop; Pee
i wee Ladwig. second base; Pig Tail Nal
/ 10y, third base: Grasshopper Markle
left field; Sleepy Sanders center field
lClam WittenberG. right field. Sug PIG
lTail WentZ. catcher.
lThEee-base hit-Bug seeley. Two