The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1916-10-06
Dolly Hears Mrs. Caudle, Jr., Deliver
Some Very Pointed Curtain Lectures
(Mr Caude and Friend Arrested for Speeding) {
By DOLLY DALRYMPLE.

661 WISH somebody would tell me,
y Mr.. Caudle, where all this is
going to end? Though goodness knows
didn't ask that. The end is plain
enough, sir; every night it's the same
l. old ry-out-out-out; never at
home where you belong with your
wife and children. Men who can't come
home at a decent hour have no bust
ness with wife and children; they
have no right to destroy the happi-
ness of others if they choose to go to
destruction themselves. l only hope
and pray none of my girls will ever
marry, and be the poor, wretched
slave ths~ their mother is; and they
shan't if can help it.
What was that you said, Mr.. Caudle?
Nothing? Well, that's about the most
sensible word you've uttered for a long
time. L don't wonder at your saying
nothing you ought to be ashamed to
open your mouth. l am only astonished
at such an hour you should have the i'm
pudence to knock at your own door,
What's that you say, Mr. CaudIe? Moth
ing? Ha! Mr.. Caudle, you are an ag-
gravating pestiferous person, lying there
like mummy and never so much as
opening your lips to me. Just as if your
own wife wasn't worth answering; it's
not SO when other mems wives speak to
you, sir then you can answer fast
enough, but there's no getting a word
from you when it comes to your own
wife,
"Out, out-every night of your life;
what's that? This is the first evening
this week? Well, what Of that? You
might as well be out. every night as one
night. 1 suppose as usual it was bust
could keep man of family downtown
until 1 o'clock in the morning, sir?
What? / shall drive you mad? Oh, no.,
Mr.. Caudle, no danger of that; you
haven't feeling enough to go mad, sir;
you'd be far better man if you had.
Will listen to you? What's the use?
OF course you've some fairy story to tell.
Well, out with it. No, Mr.. Caudle, don't
say that I'm not trying to find fault,
not l.. It's you who are finding fault; L
never speak except when there's occa-
sion.
$50 that's your story is it, Mr.. Caudle?
That's your excuse for coming home at
o'clock in the morning? Yes, Mr.. eau
die, when Mrs. Tattle-tale asked me the
other day what your income was / told
her about two a. M! That's it. And SO
you expect me to believe that story?
That's your excuse, your apology for I'M
dermining my health and running your
family? What do you suppose your poor
children will say when they grow up
and thewy point to their father and say:
Yes; there he is; arrested for speeding
at 1 o'clock in the morning with that old
reprobate Tattle-tale! Mr.. Caudle, where
had you been sir? What were you doing
with Mr.. Tattle-tale In, an automobile
at that hour of the morning? And to-
think of what it will cost you, sir, and
I've been wanting new pair of por-
tierres for the hallway for two years and
wouldn't dare indulge myself in such an
extravaganza, and yet here you are liter
ally chunking money to the birds"
ooh, Mr. Caudle how could you, how
could you? Think of the disgrace that
will be brought upon your poor family
when you stand up in the police, court and
answer to the charge of speeding! And
in company with that horrid old Tattle-
talel We are disgraced; that's all. I
can never hold my head up again. To
think Of you mixing up in nasty police
court matters; running from lawyer to
lawyer to get bail or whatever you call
it; or pay the fine or-Oh dear, oh dear!
oh dear! / never could remember legal
terms. That any man who isn't born a
fool should do such thing, wish they
had locked you and old Tattle-tale both
up. wish they'd put you in the chain
gang; I'd have enjoyed walking past you
in the street and jeering at you and tell
ing you that If you'd been respectable
man and at home where you belonged at
night you wouldn't have been there with
the disreputable creatures that make up
chaingangs!"
"Mr Caudle it's come to pretty pass
that persons like old Tattle-tale can lead
you. 1 know what people will be saying:
There goes old Cadule; he's an easy
mark; anybody can lead him! Anybody,
indeed, except his wife; but she Of course
isis Boo hoo! nobody in his estimation.
cts no use calling me a dear soul,
Mr.. Caudle, or trying to pet me; won't
have it; 1 disapprove of old Tattle-tale
and always have; the first night you
ever brought him here and he put his
nasty, wet, dirty, old boots up on my
newly polished fender. I saw what sort
of a fellow he was-no manners, no
breeding; a tough, nothing more. If it
wasn't for Mrs. Tattle-tale and her SPLEEN
did Christian character, he wouldn't be
tolerated, and yet it's for this creature
that my life must be made a perfect
burden, my rest spoiled, my health inn
paired, my peace of mind desolated, my
looks gone-everything All my friends
can see how rapidly I'm breaking; ev-
erybody but my own husband.
"a great deal you must think of your
children, Mr.. Caudle, to go into a law
yers office. Mr. Caudle, you can't af-
ford to mix up with lawyers; they are a
dangerous class Of people, and to think
that you must consult one in order to be
dragged out of a police court brawll