Evening star., 1916-12-10

and Montana. Missouri and California
alone stuck by me-"
What do you propose to do?"
Just hang around and see il some
party won't adopt me. My lot is a
very unhappy one," whereupon he sang,
as follows:
I'm Demon Rum and I'm nearly
through,
Listen to my tale of woe.
For obsequies I'm almost due,
Brief is my time. and dim is my view,
It's true; too true.
Listen to my tale of woe.
I'm Demon Rum and my friends are
few,
Listen to my tale of woe.
My day is done and l am blue
Because l know that It is true,
It's true; too true.
Listen to my tale of woe.
Hard trials for me, too,
Demon Rum and my rummy crew,
For we know we are nearly through.
It's true; too true,
Listen to my tale of woe.
I'm days gone by 1 have had my due,
| Listen to my tale of woe.
I've painted noses a crimson hue,
Warmed mems souls with mountain
It's true; too true.
Listen to my tale Of woe.
Listen to my tale of woe.
Grape juice is now favorite brew,
Wet states are now so very few.
It's true: too true,
Listen to my tale of Woe"
Important Discovery Announced.
The chairman of the entertainment
committee craved permission TO an
nounce a most important discovery.
The Psychological Bureau of the
Gridiron Club had made the revolu-
tionary discovery that when an i'm
portant matter is under discussion at
any place the persons who are con-
cerned in it involuntarily project their
astral bodies to that place." he said.
What do you mean, astral body"
"In the case of a statesman 1t is that
part of him which always speaks the
truth. Better than that. the bureau
has found a lens by which these astral
bodies may be exposed to view.
would like to demonstrate this discov-
cry in the presence OF our guests. SO
as to investigate in scientific way
| the material available for President
Wilson'S next cabinet. We wiz bring
these astral bodies here and learn their
| inmost thoughts"
Then followed a very ghostly scene.
| The lights in the hall were extinguished.
| all but mercury light In the center.
which shone weirdly over three judges
| sitting at a table. The astral bodies OF
| the statesmen stalked into the area. pick
| ed out by spotlight and stood until ques-
toned by the judges. Secretary Red
| field was the first conner and. after being
uuizzed, gave way to Henry Ford. who
! in turn, yielded to Col. House. each OF
whom gave up his innermost thoughts.
each seeking a cabinet appointment.
| Then the spirit Of Joseph P. Tumulty.
| secretary to President Wilson, was an
| nounced.
secretary to the President"
when did you acquire an astral
| bod., Mr.. Tumulty?"
About a week before election"
Did the hundred per cent candidate
worry you that much?"
| Say! He wasn't any hundred per
cent. He wassa an Ivory Soap candidate
| l-99 and 44-100ths per cent pure.
Then why did you grow an astral
body"
7 thought might hold down another
| job with it,
you mean that you want to hold
| your present job, with your physical
body. and get into the cabinet, with
your astral body?
Suppose the cabinet job only pays
an astral salaryT"
Then hand 1t to somebody else.
Both my astral body and myself are
practical men,"
Other spirits catechized were Secre-
tary Baker. w. J. Bryan. Postmaster
= General Rurleson. Vance Mccormick,