Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1916-05-19
Uncle Abner.

Hank Purdy is a Baptist by mar
riage. Personally he is, religiously
speaking, democratic.
No Teller can work faster than a
lazy man kin for few minutes.
Hank Frisby is man of regular
habits. He smokes two packages Of
Pride of the Gravel Train" every day
and plays funk in the back room OF
the drug store until II o'clock every
evening, and then goes home and puts
his clothes to bed and hangs himself
up in the wardrobe.
Lemuel Higgins expects to get rich
out of his new breakfast feed which
he makes out of shavings which accu-
mulates from his cooper shop. With
little cream and sugar it tastes fine
if toasted awhile in the oven.
Constible Ezra Hand says he notices
by the papers that an astronomer in
the east has discovered a new star
Ez says he would like to have it, as
somebody stole the old one he used
to wear.
ROY X. MOULTON.
GEORGE AIDE says he could write a
book on the eccentricities and ire.
sp0nsibilities of college students.
George apparently Is slowing down.
The late lamented George Fitch did
that several years ago.
THE progressive party must live,
says Gift Pinchot. That's the easiest
thing it does, with the check book of
George Perkins close by.
TAXICAB driver was fined SO in
Rock Island police court for Shaping
a young woman in the face after he
had insulted her because she happened
TO be on the street after midnight
This fellow is one of number Of his
kind that line Second avenue with
their cabs at night and direct nasty
sings at unprotected women. The
practice has been going on for some
time. The police patrol ought to be
driven through Second avenue every
night and pick up scores of this class
ers of public cabs. The fellow who
struck the woman the other night
ought not to have been let off with a
fine. A few months in Jail should have
been the penalty handed to him, and
that would have been dealing leniently
with him. In some communities he
would have been led to the town limits,
horsewhipped and ordered to make
himself hard to find.
NUMBER of young women OF Gin
cinnati have announced that they will
wear socks instead OF stockings this
summer. II is said also that the socks
will not extend beyond the shoe tops.
The girls apparently are seeking to
crab Flo Ziegfeld's game.
JUDGE Jesse Baldwin of the circuit
court in Chicago was locked for two
hours in his own court room when the
spring lock set. The judge probably
will think twice hereafter in fixing the
sentences of unfortunates who come
before him.
81 hhLAR at johnston City, Ill,
found $500 in a woman's stocking in a
house that he entered. More excellent
bank advertising
THE Argus. with other newspapers,
received an advance copy of speech
delivered today at Detroit by Colonel
Roosevelt. The first line says: 81 have
been very reluctant to make speeches
these weeks Immediately preceding
the national nominating convention"
You care for no more. dear reader.
The colonel unblushingly makes this
assertion in the face of the fact that
he has talked on every possible Occa-
sion the past few months. The Detroit
speech would fill about IA dozen news
paper columns. We suggest that the
colonel buy more space in the Satur-
day Evening Post, for all OF the
speeches that he has delivered OF late
are nothing more than political ad,er-
Using.
j. III. c.