davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Richmond times-dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1914-current, 1916-01-31

Th"r" arc only two mon In the whole country
VIII" can truthfully begin story with the re-
mark. When I was President of the United
States"
Richmond times-dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1914-current, 1916-01-31

ADDRESS ALI. COMMUNICATIONS TO The Times
Dispatch, md not to individuals.
Richmond times-dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1914-current, 1916-01-31

SPECIAL ADVERTISING REPRESENTATIVES,: Has
Ins New York: Mutual Life building. rhiiuiephia;
Peoples Gas Building. Chicago.
Richmond times-dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1914-current, 1916-01-31

Doc Cook says that rho wild men OF
horncn believe he discovered the North Pole.
If anybody believes that, he must be wild.
Richmond times-dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1914-current, 1916-01-31

when Constantine Is not having "a row
with the allies ana Is not busy lodging Queen
Sophie, he is making new acqualntanccs ir
his Cabinet.
Richmond times-dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1914-current, 1916-01-31
What Makes n Man Lnte.

n
Taking extra turn when he is called to
get up.
Hunting for his hathrobc.
Leaving the hot faucet opon that he
has To turn tho cold before he gets in
Tossing his bathrobo into the tub instead
OF his brush.
Using his tooth powder instead of his shaw
!ng powder
Chasing his collar button.
Getting his shoes on wrong
UntwtstinE his ''Galluscs"
Deciding which tic he VIII wear
Going down for his mail
Finding fault with tho cook
Rushing to get out, finding he has left
sonnet hing for which he has to go back
Waiting for the (this is not his raulD
Richmond times-dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1914-current, 1916-01-31

eQBLISHED every day in the year 10 South Tenth
street, Richmond. Va. by the Times Dispntch Tub.
tishinE Co.. Inc. Charles r. Hasbrook Editor and
Manager
Richmond times-dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1914-current, 1916-01-31

Carranza's intentions are no doubt all
right, but il begins TO look as though hc
would have to givo party and invite villa
to the dance II he expects 10 get him
Richmond times-dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1914-current, 1916-01-31

, M,,,or The end Of the ba scball war
,h. IS marked by scant attention to
i'n"' the rcsl baseball playars-the
the Players mon Of Tho Diamond RI
Richmond times-dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1914-current, 1916-01-31

Instead Of q bomb of destruc-
ton for the Republican party
roSreSsivism is to BIO n jimmy
l" force an entrance in order to
carry Off the prizes of the party
Gilpin observer., 1916-12-28

Congressman Beating says the Sec
rotary of the interior will undoubted-
ly prepare the rules and regulations
governing the 640-acre bill as soon
as possible. and that pamphlet con.
tanning the same should be available
for distribution in the near future.
Later on the department will probab b.
ly issue maps showing the land des.
ignated under the act by the secre.
tary. Mr.. Heating says he will be
glad to send these maps and pamph.
let's to constituents who desire the
same as soon as they are available
for distribution.
Gilpin observer., 1916-12-28
WOMEN WILL RUN THIS BANK
Great English Financial Institution
Violates lono-Established Tradi.
tions Because Of the War.

One of the greatest British banks,
the London City and Midland, has ap-
pointed a woman to branch mana
gership. The branch is in a remote
country district, but the bank is cred
tied with the intention of going further
in the matter, and apparently 80 or 40
women are now being trained in readi-
ness to take up positions.
An exceptionally large percentage of
the employees of the institution have
Joined the colors, and the shortage of
men is likely to be even more serious
In the new year, when the exemption
period Of many of the remaining MEM
bers of the staff expires.
Il do not like the idea," said an off,
cial of the bank, "but 1t may be neces-
sary to extend the sphere of useful
ness In connection with our staff of
women, who have done and are doing
excellent work. Nothing is settled at
present, but we may find 1t expedient,
In view of the shortage of men, to put
women In control Of some of our coun-
try branches.
II appreciate" he added, "the diff
Guilty Of getting men to serve under
the control Of women, and as a sOlu-
ton to that awkward problem we
should see to 1t that In these branches
the staff would all be womeA."-Lon-
don Chronicle.
Gilpin observer., 1916-12-28

1t Is not too easy task for a
newspaper force to produce a paper
here under ordinary conditions, but
when the Christmas and New Years
season arrives. the work becomes
more difficult. AS a general rule at
this time of year a good many OF
the citizens are away and most OF
the mines are short handed. some
closing down frcm three days to q
week. not desiring to continue oper
atoms with other than the regular
force OF men. Then too. the newspa
per man for some cause hard to ex
plain through lack OF reason gets
filled up on liver or other delicacies
OF Christmas time and the brain be
comes SO inactive and befuddled /,
Is as trying for him to collect his
thoughts as 1t is for him to collec,
money.
Gilpin observer., 1916-12-28
On the Wire.

The president of one of the large
corporations in New York, whose bust
ness is measured in hundreds Of mill
lions of dollars annually, has not
the temper of the angels. The en-
ployees, from the vice to the Office
boy, stand in holy dread Of him.
There came one day new tele-
phone operator. The president want
ed to talk to someone in Washington,
and wanted him quick. He got his
party" and was laundering away,
when squ-a-w-k-k-k! Ping! S-s-s-tt
and the connection was dished. The
president was near to exploding, when
a competent little voice came up from
the switchboard:
swell, l guess I'm the little girl
who put the mess in the message, amt
I? You just look out Of the window,
and I'll fix it in ten seconds"
And she did. And he did. And the
little operator moved up ahead of
the vice in Office estimation, and is still
at her switchboard.
Gilpin observer., 1916-12-28
oIIveIess pays.

British Consul Nugent said at a
banquet in Chicago:
"They tell a good story about a
Greek army corps that surrendered to
the Germans and was taken into food.
stripped Germany to be the guest of
the nation.
AT Chemnitz, the story runs, a com.
mittee Of famished Greek soldiers
waited on the German commandment
and said:
"They told us that here In Chem
nitl, comn,andant, the government
would at least give US some rations.
"'Yes, and that's right, too said
the German commandant genIally, as
he took huge packet of cards from
his desk. Here are your Greek ra-
ton cards specially got up by us for
our revered Greek guests. They entitle
every Greek soldier to six olives a day
five days per week, and, furthermore,
on the two "oliveless days." they en-
title each and every one Of you to a
cracker and a half-pint Of coffee sub
stitute.'"
Gilpin observer., 1916-12-28
The Rubber Eye,

Few persons have any conception of
the discomfort caused by glass substi-
tutes for eyes. The hard-boiled eye
frequently irritates the socket and does
not easily respond to the muscular
changes in this neighborhoOd, some
times giving the owner an eerie appear
ance Of being twisted along his peri
meter But relief is at hand.
Thanks to the war with Its numer-
GUS gouged-Out eyes, two French work.
men have evolved a new method of re-
placing the lost organ Of vision. They
aimed at producing substance Of suf-
ficient elasticity and softness to re-
spOnd to the changes Of the eye SOCK
ct and at the same time Of sufficient
hardness to present u smooth, nat
ural effect. They have solved the
difficulty Of consistency by making
the front Of the new eye Of hard rub
Der vulcanized and enameled to pre-
sent natural appearance. The back
Of the eye Is of soft rubber, followed
out to form ball which becomes filled
with air.
These hollow eyes respond easily
to ocular movements, they do not IT.
ritate the socket, nor the onlooker, and
they are unbrenkable. A man may
drop his eye on the pavement without
Its costing him IS.
Gilpin observer., 1916-12-28
OFFICE BOY is UP TO DATE
Type Familiar In Old Days Gone
Modern Youth Has Full Appre-
citation Of His Value.

der Tag" has arrived for the boy.
There was time, to be recalled only
with difficulty, when boy was only a
Philadelphia Ledger. You whistled
when you wanted him and he came.
He waited in line for a place, his
pockets exuding letters Of recommen-
dalton; he doffed his cap and was
deferential and said "sir" when you
looked his way. He ''lived in your
mild and magnificent eye" Fortified
by stories Of poor boys who became
famous, he aspired to rise. His cloth
and his shoes were brushed. His
mother was poor widow who took
washing and he took all her savings
He came on duty with the morning
star and worked till the moon retired.
His wages were $3.50 month and a
still, small voice behind his home
spun shirt kept whispering to him
that he was overpaid.
Vanished is the type forever. "Twen-
ty-four Roy Wanted signs were count
ed along Chestnut street from Sixth
to Broad" Verify, these are signs
of the times! The modern boy knows
his valuation in the open market. He
Is sophisticated and in his bright lexi-
con the terms that deal with curb
markets and shoestring speculation are
heavily underscored. He means to
storm the heights of fame and for
tune by the jitney route. It is not
necessary to be deferential any more.
He can keep his feet on the desk and
his cap on his head, and he need not
stop chewing gum to return a num-
bled half answer to his employers tim
i'd query. If manners ever made the
man, they do not now make the ordi-
nary office boy. Most of the extraor-
binary ones are incipient magnates in
the roaring plants where war NUM-
lions are made. Or else they are in
day school and night school stuffing
themselves with useful information.
The American boy is dead; long live
the American boy!
Gilpin observer., 1916-12-28
Much dissatisfaction is heard anon

Much dissatisfaction is heard among
the Democrats Of Gilpin county over
the appointment of Jim Nconan to
the position of bookkeeper in State
Auditor Leckenby's office and from
newspaper announcement, the ap-
pointment is credited to Gilpin coun-
ty. Noonan hasn't been resident
Of Gilpin county for six or eight
years and was about forgotten until
the late campaign when he spent
several days here working for the
Republican candidate for state treas
urer. Harry Mulnix and against the
Democratic cand date, Robert Hig-
gins. Noonan accompanied the Re.
publican workers about town and in
the outlying precincts, boosting Null
nix and contributing in no small de-
gree to the defeat Of the entire Dem
ocratic state and county tickets. II
this appointment was made in recog-
milton Of party disloyalty. Leckenhy
couldn't have set better example
for the other state officers to follow,
n the purpose is to bring defeat to
the Democratic state ticket two years
hence.
Gilpin observer., 1916-12-28
AGREE TO DISCARD FOOTWEAR
Natives Of the Golden State Have
Formed 4 League Which 10 Some
what Unconventional.

Harking back to the days when man
rOamed carelessly across green pas
lures unshackled by costly footwear /;
when COOL solid comfort met the ma
ked foot at every step, and when corns
and bunions were unheard Of, four
prominent Sacramentans have formed
what is to be known as the Sacra-
mentO Barefoot league, says q CORE
spondent.
There are four charter members of
the league, all residents of Yardley
avenue, and they are DR.. Robert e.
Smith, James Mccullough, L. o. Lum-
ry and Steve Downey.
The league was organized in quite
an unintentional way. Which of the
four was the originator is unknown.
But it is minated that Doctor Smith.
for several years advocate OF the Coat
less Summer league for men, had
something to do with it.
At any rate, the league has had sew
eral meetings. The requirements of
the league are these: No member must
be too modest to display his bare feet.
He must be without pedal covering
in attending meetings. He must be
willing to, and enjoy, walking on his
lawn before the assembled multitude,
including his wife, unshod.
He must be willing to step into his
neighbours house in his bare feet and
walk across his neighbor's hardwood
floors as nonchalantly as though he
We're Pithecanthropus in the jungles.
Several meetings of the league have
been held at the homes of the various
charter members of Yardley avenue.
The meetings are preceded by a cool
walk upon the lawn of the host. AS
the evening becomes cool and members
retire to the hosts drawing room and
are entertained with monograph Sc
lections.
Despite serious objections to the
league on the part of the better halves
in some Of the homes, the organization
has grown and is now reaching out for
cOngenial spirits.
keep cool and comfortable and cure
your corns," is the slogan Of the
league.
Gilpin observer., 1916-12-28
French Game Law, su,pend.s.

The poor people of France, as well
as the wealthy. are taking advantage
OF the privilege recently granted by M
Meline, the minister Of agriculture, to
all sportsmen, Of high or low degree,
to shoot the wild game that, since the
war, has become superabundant, doing
great damage to crops.
Hares, pheasants and wild ducks
have been the chief offenders, and
these are being killed in great nun.
bers, thus not only saving growing
vegetation, but furnishing food for
the people.
1t was thought at first that the min.
ister's Instructions included only rich
Sportsmen. and owners Of game pre-
serves. but he made 1t clear in a sub.
sequent statement that, in the inter-
est Of agriculture. the shooting priv.
llege was extended to everybody in all
departments.
Gilpin observer., 1916-12-28

HE finds 1t impractical to hold his
present line" writes a distinguished
war correspondent, and the new i'd
lectlve although 1t should be 'impr,c-
dcable") may be welcomed as a sub.
stitute for that mongrel abomination
"unpractical"-a Latin word with n
Saxon prefix. unfortunate" "unpop.
ular," and "unfavorable" belong to the
same category, but they are too firm.
ly established ever to be ousted from
the language. but "unpractical" is
quite modern invention, and is only
70 be found in few later dictionaries.
Gilpin observer., 1916-12-28

Count Jensen. whose judgment on
the quality Of dance music is unques.
TONED. says the Hawaiians and their
ukuleles at the Christmas dance were
several degrees worse than punk.
Others who claim to know something
about music say that the Hawaiians
were all right and that they gave sat
isfaction, but that the music being
out OF the ordinary was not what the
Count is accustomed to, therefore he
couldn't appreciate It.
Gilpin observer., 1916-12-28
JUST ORDER YOUR WEATHER
One Scientist Proposes to Regulate
Rain and Sunshine for the
country's Good.

How would you like to order your
own weather, just as you order Sun
days joint? There Is a possibility
that scientists may achieve this.
Professor Summerton of the Austria
liam Scientific Research association Is
busy with experiments which may
revolutionize our meteorological ar
rangements. He contends that his sys-
TEN will secure or prevent rain and
sun, as Is necessary for the country's
good.
The atmosphere about our earth is
loaded with minute particles Of dust
which, when condensed with moisture
too microscopic to be attracted to
earth alone, fall to the ground in the
shape of rain.
Atmospheric electricity is said to re-
sist rainfall. The air Immediately
above us is not charged with cleo
tricity. Our earth Is charged negative
ly with electricity. At cloud level the
air is. charged positively with cleo
tricity. and the dust particles there he
come likewise charged.
During atmospheric disturbances the
equilibrium is upset, and the negative
electricity Of the earth passes through
midair to meet the positive electricity.
consequently bringing down the dust
with its load of moisture.
Professor SummertOn proposes that
the negative electricity should be sent
up whenever we require rain. A CON
ductor, taking the form of captive bal
looms fitted with steel points, and aid
ed by certain other electrical devices.
Is the weather implement suggested.
When sunshine is needed the method
would require reversing.
Gilpin observer., 1916-12-28
Hard to Keep Cider Sweet.

1t Is very difficult to keep cider
sweet for any length Of time without
the use Of personalities and special
treatment. Personalities are not per.
mitted under the federal and state
pure'food laws. Sweet cider may be
filtered, boiled and bottled in man.
ner similar to that used when can.
ming fruits, then 1t will remain sweet:
that Is. no fermentation will take
place for several weeks. 1t is desir.
able even then that 1t be stored In a
cool, dark place. This is somewhat
expensive and is seldom done, espe.
cially II the cider is to be sold ON a
small scale.-Dr Charles X. Francis.
chemist, experiment station, Okla.
homa A. and NJ. college, Saltwater.
Gilpin observer., 1916-12-28
Keeping Alive BY Means Of the Dead

Neepin0 Aitve by MEANS OF tne Oeaosl
An officer, relating some incidents
Of war in connection with the task
which the Canadians had to carry out
on ground previously held by Austria.
lians, states that the Canadians had
been there nine days when they found
In shell hole, far ahead of where the
front line had been, three Australians,
two wounded and one unhurt.
The three had pushed out by them
selves into enemy country, when they
were caught by shell fire, and two.
were wounded. The third dragged
them into the shell hole, and sat there
with them. To come out In daylight
was impossible. so all day he sat
there, and looked after the other two,
and at night he sailed forth, and got
water bottles and rations from the
German dead which lay around.
And thus he had kept his two pals
alive. One Of the two wounded is do
Ing well, but the others wound has.
unfortunately. become septic.
Gilpin observer., 1916-12-28

This weeks Observer appears in a
new dress, which makes the paper
much cleaner in appearance than 1t
has been since the old mats wore
out. The face Of the mats is the
same as has been in use on the OBJ
server and is the regulation newspa-
per face. The subscribers must not
overlook the fact that 1t costs addi-
uonal money to produce a paper now
to what it did before prices advanced
and 1t is hoped that those who are
In arrears for subscription will remit
before 1t becomes necessary for them
to be notified by statements through
the mail, which will entail added ex-
pense to the office.
Gilpin observer., 1916-12-28

Our ever efficient postmaster and
his worthy assistant are in a state
of physical collapse, brought about
by the speedy handling of the Christ
mas mail. Both are young and cap
able of withstanding great fatigue,
but human sinew has its limit of en-
durance, and Uncle Sans servants
are like other people. liable to col
lapse Of their physical endurance.
Gilpin observer., 1916-12-28

1t is reported that several big min
Ing deals in the county are in fair
way of consummation. and 1t is to
be hoped that the pessimist and
knocker may be chloroformed before
they have chance to get in their
dirty work. Let every inhabitant
speak well for the county that has
produced $3.50, 900 900 in metals, and
we will soon be on the high road to
prosperity.
Gilpin observer., 1916-12-28
MlssourI,s Lead OUTPUT.

The demand from Europe In 1915 for
lead to be used for war purposes
caused the output Of Missouri mines
to break all previous records in the
quantity Of lead ore placed on the mar
ket that year. the amount being 1885,.
634 tons In smelted or refined shape,
which was worth $1S,3S9, 500. or just
about enough to build and equip an
up-to-date dreadnaught for the United
States navy.
Gilpin observer., 1916-12-28
SOME SMILES
2sqsasasaens4sasHsAsae4ss
Disheartened.

"Was there much
money spent in the
electiOn?"
Don't ask me-"
replied the disap-
pointed politician.
IF there was any
III o ey b e n 6
passed around l
didn't see it. Be
lieve me or not,
but I'll be lucky if
l get u new silk hat
and u Prince AL
bert coat"
Gilpin observer., 1916-12-28

"WOuld you like to see the log cab
in where our greatest citizen was
born?
"Why, yes" answered the visitor.
do you mean to tell me that this
town has turned out a president OF
the United StatesY
mo. That's one reason why we are
so proud of him. He writes books and
is one of the few log-cabin celebrities
produced in this country who has
never entered politics"
Gilpin observer., 1916-12-28

"Why do you seek admittance here?"
asked st. Peter.
ION earth many blessed me and said
I would surely go to heaven when l
died." answered the shade.
"HOw did you win such gratitude7"
II was always kind and considerable
to the people who owned fiivvers."
"Enter," said the saint. "A place is
prepared for you"
Gilpin observer., 1916-12-28

Ferril in his last edition of the
Herald, has the campaign of 1920 all
doped out whereby the G. o. P. may
be saved from total destruction, and
revived from it's present comatose
condition. But if we remember Alright
this same Ferril only a few weeks
ago, had Carlson and Hughes elected
by large majorities.
Gilpin observer., 1916-12-28
Warned.

"These pills have
a horrible TASTE"
said the lady Gus
t o IN err. "Please
take them back and
give me something
l Gun enjoy"
"very well, mad
am" ans W ere Il
the obliging drug.
gist, "but please
remember that the
difference In the
price Of a box of
pills and a box of
bOnb0ns Is consid-
erable."
Gilpin observer., 1916-12-28
THURSDAY, DECEMBER 2sth. 1916.
A Happy New Year

Before the Mexican Defacto presi-
dent will be good, it may become
necessary for Uncle Sam to teach
him an object lesson as he did Santa
Anna some 20 years ago.
Gilpin observer., 1916-12-28

Consistency, thou art jewel"
England claims to be wrathy because
Uncle Sam asks for her good inten-
lions, and in the next breath, asks
her dear old uncle to protect the
Belgians from being carried into cap
tivity by the Kaiser's legion.
Gilpin observer., 1916-12-28
Something In the Air.

"Waiting for cart"
NO" replied Mr.. Dubwaite. "rm
waiting for my wife. She's over there
talking to neighbor. may be here
for an hour or more."
"Why so long?"
when they met the other woman
drew her aside and began: My dear.
have you heard-T"
Gilpin observer., 1916-12-28

Leap year is nearing its end and
still Colorado has many a beautiful
spinster that has not awaited herself
Of the opportunity Of leading double
life
Gilpin observer., 1916-12-28
A Receptive Mood.

do you favor protection or free
trader"
swell, like what protection has &C.
complished in the past. But must ad-
init 1t isn't anything compared to what
the free trnders believe they can bring
about In the course Of time"
Gilpin observer., 1916-12-28

See 1.-THE Grip Of Evir' show It
self at the opera house. Sunday De
cember 31st.
Gilpin observer., 1916-12-28

Teddy since the election is like I'M
to bear trap, the west touched the
spring and his big jaws shut up.
Gilpin observer., 1916-12-28

Arthur Manser is being plea sanity
entertained this week.
Gilpin observer., 1916-12-28

Hughes can now employ his spare
time figuring out the fallibility of
man.
Gilpin observer., 1916-12-28

Heavy wool worsted and cashmere
hose for men and women. Bacharach.
Gilpin observer., 1916-12-28

Some women are operated on 81
often that we wonder why they die
not let nature equip them with a SCI
of hooks and eyes the first time.
Gilpin observer., 1916-12-28

When you see an exceeding tall
man, you may know that at some
period in his life his leg has been
pulled good and plenty.
Gilpin observer., 1916-12-28
POINTED PARAGRAPHS

When our lady member of con-
gress from Montana goes to Wash
ington to act as one of our country s
solons, 1t is to be hoped she will in
troduce and have passed a till dis
carding the divided skirt, as it is so
embarrassing to these of the stern
er sex.
We don't claim to be much of a
detective, but we can always tell
when a sweet girl has been eating
onions.
We notice by the papers that Min
ME Good has married DR.. Long. 1t
is to be hoped that they may have
a good long honeymoon.
When Bryan goes on the stump to
preach dry sermons, he can be con-
soled by the fact that thousands have
trodden this path before.
When women congressman wish
to dodge the voting upon important
measures. will it not be awkward for
her to climb on the fence unless she
adopts a different garb?