davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Greenville journal. [volume] (Greenville, Ohio) 1850-1918, 1916-12-21

every million Christmas presents dis
played In stores a certain percentage
Of people buys something which they
couldn't afford and gives 1t TO a GER
jain percentage Of people which amt
got no use for 1t at all. So she goes
to work and gets up a Society for the
Prevention of Useless Giving, and con-
sequently a certain percentage Of dry
goods stores loses a certain percentage
of customers which formerly had a
rotten bank account and a good dis
position, and has now got good bank
account and a rotten disposition"
"But Miss Morgan done this for lot
of salesladies which used to spend
their money so fOOlishly at Christmas,
Zapp, that they had nothing left to
take a vacation with in the summer
time"
THAT may be so, Birsky," Zapp said,
''and while l amt exactly a certified
public accountant, Birsky, figure that
If 80 per cent of Christmas shoppers
followed Miss Morgan's advice, Birsky,
the drygOOds stores would shut down
around Christmas, and all them sales
ladies would not only take a vacation
in the summer time, but in the winter
time also; and then the question is,
how is them salesladies going to raise
money for their winter vacations"
Miss Morgan would get up a sub
scription maybe" Birsky suggested.
"And the proceeds after the expenses
of collection were deducted would sup
port twenty-three six hundredths of a
saleslady for COOS hours, Birsky,"
Zapp concluded, (which the trouble
with them people that figure out the
averages is that they don't consider
human beings as men and women, but
as fractions ausgereckOned TO hun
dred thOusandths yet. Also it's a good
thing to figure out the averages on
the percentages of people that set off
fireworks and don't get burned, and
the percentage of people that 1t
wouldn't do a bit of harm to if they
bought once in a while for somebody a
present, useful or otherwise. In other
words, Birsky, if you're going to reck-
on up the averages on anything, the
best way is to figure how it will affect
one hundred one hundredths of the
The Greenville journal. [volume] (Greenville, Ohio) 1850-1918, 1916-12-21
HOST HAD REASONED WELL
Couldn't Afford TO saeriFse Reputation
for VeraeIty by Backing Up His
Quests Tall" Story.

A weIl-knOwn diplOnaat told at a
dinner In Washington a significant par
able.
'aThey who expect the men in au-
thority to do a great deal for them
they who expect the impOssible-should
remember the grizzly-bear story.
"a famous grizzly-bear hunter gave
a dinner, and one Of the guests told Of
a bear hunt that he had once shared
In with his host. It had been a re-
markable hunt. The bear had been
killed under almost incredible difficult
ties. Although his auditors looked
skeptcal, the narrator did not spare
them any of those difficulties. he
counted on the host, you see, for cor
rObOratiOn.
'Then, when he had finished his
strange but perfectly true tale, he said {:
There, that's the story. and, gen.
tlemen, our host will corroborate every
word 1 say
"'NO, George he said, 4 don't re-
member anything of this sort at ALL
"Tableau!
"Maddened by this tableau, the
guest, at the end of the dinner, took
his host aside and hissed:
"'Why didn't you back me up in
that bear story? You know every word
Of it was true
"'Yes,' said the famous hunter; yes,
it was all true, but l saw that every
body round the table thought you were
lying. If, then, had supported you,
the only result would have been they
would have set me down for liar,
tOO.'"
The Greenville journal. [volume] (Greenville, Ohio) 1850-1918, 1916-12-21
The Shoe Pinched.

A preacher at the close of one Of
his sermons said: 'Let all IN the
house who are paying their debts
stand up" Every man, woman and
child, with one exception, rose to their
feet. "Now, every man not paying his
debts stand up" The exceptions a
carewOrn, hungry-IOOking individual,
clothed in his last summers suit, slow
ly assumed a perpendicular position.
"HOw is it, my friend" asked the
minister, you are the only man not
able to meet his obligations"
II run newspaper" he answered
meekly, "and the brethren here who
stood up are my subscribers, and"
"Let us pray" exclaimed the min
lister.
The Greenville journal. [volume] (Greenville, Ohio) 1850-1918, 1916-12-21
HOW TO TREAT DANDRUFF
itching Scalp and Falling Hair With
Cuticura. Trial Free.

On retiring touch spots of dandrutf
and itching with Cuticura Ointment.
Next morning shampoo with Cuticurs
Soap and hot water. A clean, healthy
scalp means good hair and freedom, in
most cases, from dandruff, itching,
burning, crustings and scalings.
Free sample each by mail with Book.
Address postcard, Cuticura, Dept. L,
Boston. Sold everywhere.-Adv.
The Greenville journal. [volume] (Greenville, Ohio) 1850-1918, 1916-12-21
SWAMP ROOT STOPS
SERIOUS BAGKAGHE

When your back aches, and your blad-
der and kidneys seem to be disordered, re-
member it is needless to Suher-go to your
nearest drug store and get q bottle Of DR..
KilmeTs Swsmp-Root. It il . physieian'S
prescription for diseases of the kidneys
and bladder.
II has stood the test Of years and has
. reputation for quickly and effectively
giving results in Thousands of cases.
This prescription was used by Dr.. Kill
mer in his private practice and was 20
very effective that it has been placed on
sale everywhere. Get a bottle, Soc and
sl.OO, at your nearest druggist.
However, il you wish first to test this
great preparation send ten cents to Dr.
Kilmer & Co., Binghamton, N. Y, for .
sample bottle. When writing be sure and
mention this paper.-Adv.
The Greenville journal. [volume] (Greenville, Ohio) 1850-1918, 1916-12-21
Anxious to Helm

Mrs. Gadder is terribly distressed
because she hasn't been able to de
eide on a Christmas present for her
poodle. Why she's actually on the,
verge of nervous prostratiOn."
That's dreadful. VIII no one offeb
a SuggestiOn?"
"Oh. yes. Some of the spiteful
neighbors would be only too glad to
purchase gifts that would shorten thu
little darling's life"
The Greenville journal. [volume] (Greenville, Ohio) 1850-1918, 1916-12-21
What to Give for Christmas.
(Copyright.)

what to Give Tor Christmas.
Gifts for men: Tobacco jars, ink
wells, shaving mugs, ash trays, match
boxes, combs, hat marks, handker-
chiefs, watch chains, fObs, coat hang
ers, hat brushes, clothes brushes, bath
robes, smoking jackets, pocketbOOks,
bill files, cuff buttons, books, or sub
scriptions to magazines and farm pa
pers. \
For women: Rings, chains, laval
Heres, bracelets, hat pins, sleeve but
tons, manicure sets, jewel boxes, gilt
clocks, card cases, hat brushes,
combs, toilet sets, toilet articles and
perfumery, fountain pens, silk OF en-
brOidered waists, birthstone rings,
hand bags, pictures, mirrors, or bank
books and bank deposit.
The Greenville journal. [volume] (Greenville, Ohio) 1850-1918, 1916-12-21
Christmas Crowds.

Nowhere is the good will of Christ
mas time more evident than in a typi-
cally Christmas crowd. At almost
any other time of year there would
be scOwls and even harsh words were
so many tender feet trOd upon, prog
ress so much delayed by those III
front and so urgently requested by
those behind.
The Greenville journal. [volume] (Greenville, Ohio) 1850-1918, 1916-12-21


follow. Former times if retail dry
goods concern didn't got half their
Ealesladies faint on 'em every night
for two weeks before Christmas, their
creditors would come down on them
and ask them to discount their bills.
Nowadays i" cash girl gets a head
ache, that's big already"
Birsky nodded sadly.
christmas is dying out" he de-
clared. "The people is getting too
wise, Zapp. 1t used to be that if you
wanted to push your stickers.-wheth-
er it was handkerchiefs, socks, neck
ties, oder gloves, all you had to do
was to wait till the first of December,
mark 'em up so per cent over the regu-
lar, retail price for fresh goods, put
'em( in red paper boxes, understand,
and your customers practically used
blaGkjacks on each other to get at the
counter where the goods was dis
played. Christmas silver articles was
SRfsO good sales. l seen butter dishes
go like hot cakes, which the salesladies
was warned not to dust them off NIT
feathers even, on account it might
scratch the silver plate and show the
brass underneath. But that's a thing
of the past now. And who done it,
Zapp? 1t was the feller that invented
the saying: DO your Christmas shop
ping early"
"Who did invent it?" Zapp asked.
II should know who invented it |"
Birsky exclaimed. "But whoever he
was, Zapp, he put a bigger crimp in
the cheap handkerchief business than
the feller who invented rhinitis tablets,
because if you are doing your Christ
mas shopping arount the first Of Octo-
ber when all them poor fellers that
The Greenville journal. [volume] (Greenville, Ohio) 1850-1918, 1916-12-21
Holly LeaVeR.

The Christmas tree is still bearing
fruit.
It's all over. The Christmas stock.
ing was hanged last night.
Everyone but the joke writer will
have something new for ChristmasA
The bachelor will find a hole in his
sock Christmas morning, as usual.
Christmas comes but once a year.
and the man with seven children and
nineteen grandchildren rejOiceth be-
cause thereof.
The Greenville journal. [volume] (Greenville, Ohio) 1850-1918, 1916-12-21

One cupful granulated cOrnmeal, one
cupful graham, one Cupful flour, one
cupfui ryemeal. half cupful mOlasses,
one cupful or little more Of sour milk,
one and a half teaspOOnfuls Saleratus,
heaping teaspOOnful salt, one cupful
of 1850 prunes, pitted and cut in
halves; boil three hours.
The Greenville journal. [volume] (Greenville, Ohio) 1850-1918, 1916-12-21
CIinuinu to an Ideal,

81 told my boy that Santa Claus Is
only a myth"
"HOw did he take it?"
"He didn't seem much impressed. He
merely remarked that every great and
good man has to be subjected to some
kind of unfavorable comment"
The Greenville journal. [volume] (Greenville, Ohio) 1850-1918, 1916-12-21
No Good TO Him.

Tommy Ito bareheaded GERMANY
Want to surrender, do yer? You amt
no good ter me like that! You 'Op
back and bring your 'elmet wiv yer.
I'm going 'Ome on leave next week.
London Opinion.
The Greenville journal. [volume] (Greenville, Ohio) 1850-1918, 1916-12-21
Dont's for Parents.

Christmas week don'ts for pa
terfamilias: Don't open bureau
drawers. Don't look into clos
cts. When the collar button
rolls under the chiffonier or the
bed, don't pursue 1t; it is better
To let thy collar go loose than
to risk the premature revelation
of the Christmas socks, neckties
or lace curtains. Be blind, be
blind-and again. be blind!
The Greenville journal. [volume] (Greenville, Ohio) 1850-1918, 1916-12-21
Seelno Santa.

Papa. I'd like to see Santa Claus" I"
"Rut if he found out that any little
boy was looking for him, he would
promptly vanish"
%That's all right, I'm going to rig
up the chimney as a periscope."
The Greenville journal. [volume] (Greenville, Ohio) 1850-1918, 1916-12-21
Takind Chances.

'Those stockings are very flimsy"
"All the girls are wearing them, ma"
"They might do to wear, but they
will never do to hang up as a recep.
tacle for Christmas presents, my
DEAR
The Greenville journal. [volume] (Greenville, Ohio) 1850-1918, 1916-12-21
HE 4 title .Ioke

"Why did Flubdub call his home
Llama villa? Did he make his money
in Peru?"
"Oh, no. He merely says it has an
Il that 1t doesn't need"
The Greenville journal. [volume] (Greenville, Ohio) 1850-1918, 1916-12-21
Added = Climber

"Why did you add TO that story
told you about my war bride prOfits?"
Il added nothing"
That's Just it. 1 told you l cleared
$500 and you made it $1,000"
The Greenville journal. [volume] (Greenville, Ohio) 1850-1918, 1916-12-21
On Toast

II you wish to piece out q dish Of
vegetables, serve it on toast. ANY veg
etable except potatoes will be inn
proved e served on buttered toast.
The Greenville journal. [volume] (Greenville, Ohio) 1850-1918, 1916-12-21

A single application of Roman Eye Bal
sam upon going to bed will prove its mer-
it by morning. Effective for Inaamma-
tions of the Eyes, external and internal.
Adv
The Greenville journal. [volume] (Greenville, Ohio) 1850-1918, 1916-12-21
The Similarity.

Constant complaint about bad cleo
tric service is Ike a popular drink"
"HOw sO?"
ITS a current whine"
The Greenville journal. [volume] (Greenville, Ohio) 1850-1918, 1916-12-21
Foolish Waste Of Coin

"Dear me. it's so hard to buy for
man."
"Yes. hate to spend the money
that way. too"
The Greenville journal. [volume] (Greenville, Ohio) 1850-1918, 1916-12-21

IRISTMAS amt
what it used to
be-" Barnett Zapp
remarked, as he
sat opposite Louis
Birsky in WasSer-
bauer's reStau-
rant.
"Sure I know"
BirSky S a / d,
spreading a slice
of rye bread with
mustard as he
waited for an Or
der of kreplOch
soup, with ge-
fullte tebecheS to
The Greenville journal. [volume] (Greenville, Ohio) 1850-1918, 1916-12-21

Wrghts Indian Vegetable Pills contain
nothing but vegetable ingredients, which act
gently as a tonic and purgative by stinu-
lation and not by irritation. Adv.
The Greenville journal. [volume] (Greenville, Ohio) 1850-1918, 1916-12-21

Wv mind the cole.
w like to get up prompt an go
to school,
An do my sums,
An clean the walks 'thout waitin' to be
told
Though I like sleddin' better, as a rule.
Or buildin' forts But nothin' amt so
bad
When Christmas comes.
When Christmas comes, I'd just as lief
give half
My cooky to the baby, an take care
About the crumbs
It's fun to make the little fellow laugh.
An don't mind his taggin' everywhere
He can't help bein' little I'm not mad
When Christmas comes.
When Christmas comes, don't forget to
give
My shoes a wipe. an scrub my ears a
lot
Till my head huns.
An mother says, That's boys too geod
to live!''
But I'm not 'fraid of dyin', cause I'm
not
No different from always-only glad
When Christmas comes!
Abigail Williams Burton, in December
st. Nicholas.
The Greenville journal. [volume] (Greenville, Ohio) 1850-1918, 1916-12-21

The University of Nebraska employs
60 women as instructors.
The Greenville journal. [volume] (Greenville, Ohio) 1850-1918, 1916-12-21
What Is Il?

A nickel's worth of ribbon,
A penny's worth of gilt:
And sakes alive, In minutes Ave
Dads Christmas gift is built.
The Greenville journal. [volume] (Greenville, Ohio) 1850-1918, 1916-12-21

The family tree of the CRATER is a
plum tree.
The Greenville journal. [volume] (Greenville, Ohio) 1850-1918, 1916-12-21

people twelve months out of the year,
and then go to work and get up the So
ciety for the Prevention of Prevention
Societies and limit the membership to
one hundred million Americans. Most
of us would join it."
feyI,k
The Brattleboro daily reformer. (Brattleboro, Vt.) 1913-1955, 1916-09-12
TO INQUIRE INTO sHELLING.
U. S. to Ask France About Damage &c
Consul's House.

WASHINGTON, Sept. u. - Inquiry
will be made of the French govern
ment regarding circumstances of the
bombardment Sept. by French feet
of Alexandretta, Asiatic Turkey, during
which the building occupied by Viii
liam NJ. Brewster of New York, Amer
lean consular agent, was riddled. Off
,cials said yesterday that the state de-
partment would ask whether the she'll
ing of the building was a result of
carelessness.
Three French auxiliary cruisers and
two torpedo boats comprised the bonn
harding fleet, according to a report to
the department yesterday from the
American embassy at Constantinople
Nine shells struck the building occu.
pied by Brewster, doing considerable
damage. Brewster merely is employed
to forward consular information, work
formerly done by Turkish citizen
land the equipment furnished him b.
the United States cost only few hun
dred dollars. No claim for damages viii
be filed by the department.
The Brattleboro daily reformer. (Brattleboro, Vt.) 1913-1955, 1916-09-12
SWAN TO LIBERTY.
Sing Sing Prisoner Succeeded in Get
ting Eight Hours Start.

OSSINING, n Y, Sept l2.-'Im 60
ing into the garden to get some tomatoes
for breakfast said Elmer Schultz. a pris-
oner at Sing Sing. at 3 o'clock yesterday
morning as he walked out of the power
house, where he was doing duty as a fire
man. At 345 in the afternoon the big
whistle footed the message that another
prisoner had escaped
Prison officials had then found two iron
piclets had been pulled apart and conclud-
ed that Schultz went through the opening,
dived into the Hudson and swan to lib
erty
Mrs. Jacob Ehrlich, who lives at Chap
paqua, six miles from Ossining, telephoned
that her home had been entered at 6 a.
m. by a blue eyed burglar, who got away
with some silverware. Her description led
Mr.. Miller to suspect that her visitor was
the missing convict. Later Mrs Ehrlicl
identified photograph of Schultz as a pic
ture of her burglar
Schultz is 81 years old. He was sen
fenced from Brooklyn to three and one
half years for carrying concealed weapons
| He had served two years.
The Brattleboro daily reformer. (Brattleboro, Vt.) 1913-1955, 1916-09-12
TO MAKE DRIVE FOR VILLA.
Carranza Army Ordered to Slay Every
Rebel Taken Except the Chief.

Ell PASO, Texas, Sept. 12.-The Car
to the fact that Villa is q factor in the
affairs of Mexico, and the de facto
government troops are planning to take
the offensive in a drive against Villa
with cavalry, infantry, artillery and
an aeroplane. This was the outcome of
conference which was held at the state
palace in Chihuahua City. Prior to the
conference the pursuit of Villa had
been in charge of General Ramos, Juan
Cabazos and their subordinates Now
the movement is to be a general one
from three angles on Santa Clara can
yon and the Laguna country.
The troops will be in command of
Gen. Gabriel Gavira, Gen. Matias Ra-
mos, Gen. Donigo Arrieta, and Gen.
Juan Cabazos. Each will have bat
terry of three-inch cannon and six ma
chine guns, and viii leave its base with
orders to kill or capture every Vilista
overtaken except Villa, who, the order
reads, is to be brought into chihuahua
City alive, if captured
General Bell secret service agent
{. Z. Brown, made report to him
telling of speech which Villa made
| in Statevo, following his first battle
there. The speech was heard by a
Mexican druggist, who reached Juarez
and who was interviewed by Brown
The man said Villa urged the people
to join him against Carranza, anC
promised them all one peso silver eacf
day they fought.
The Brattleboro daily reformer. (Brattleboro, Vt.) 1913-1955, 1916-09-12
GEN. ALEsHIRE is RETIRED.
Has Been Quartermaster General of
the Army Since 1907.

WASHINGTON, Sept. II. = Major
Gen. James B. Aleshire, who has been
quartermaster general of the army
since 1907 yesterday was placed on the
retired list on account of disabilities
incident TO the service. General Ale
shire would not have been eligible for
retirement under the legal limit of GA
years until Oct. 81, 1920
He was appointed cadet at West
Point June IA, 1876, from Ohio and
was originally an officer of the First
Cavalry. He entered the staff as Cap
tain and Assistant Quartermaster in
1895. He has been in that branch of
the service ever since. He served in
Cuba and the Philippines, and in China
during the Boxer campaign.
General Aleshire was largely instru-
mental in bringing about the amalga-
nation of commissary and pay depart
ments with the Quartermaster depart
ment His present state of i'll health
has been attributed to the demands on
his physical strength involved in the
organization of the Quartermaster
corps on its present basis.
While at West Point General Ale
shire was the roommate of Major Gen
| George W. Goethals, the builder of the
| Panama canal.
The Brattleboro daily reformer. (Brattleboro, Vt.) 1913-1955, 1916-09-12
BERLIN BALKAN MEETING.
Teuton Allies Discussing Questions of
General Policy.

BERLIN, Sept. 12 The visit of
King Ferdinand of Bulgaria to the
German Emperor at eastern head
quarters is being made the occasion of
an important conference on the Near
Eastern situation particularly that in
the Balkans.
King Ferdinand is accompanied by
the chief of his cabinet, while the i'm
perial German chancellor, DR.. Won Beth
mann Hollweg, is in attendance on the
emperor as his responsible political ad-
visor. The other allied governments
are also represented at the conference,
which, it is understood, will not be
without effect upon the future group
ing in the Balkans
While apparently there is no inclina-
tion to divide the lion S skin before
the animal is killed, it is considered
advisable and timely, in view of Ru-
mania s entry into the war and the
Greek attitude, to discuss certain ques-
/ tions of general policy and the aims OF
the Teutonic allies in the near east
/ Concrete proposals, however, so far az
Is ascertainable, are not under review
The conference, rather, is devoted to Q
general survey of the situation and
study of the general lines of the Bal
kan policy.
The Brattleboro daily reformer. (Brattleboro, Vt.) 1913-1955, 1916-09-12
AND GOBIE
BUY CHINA STORE
Will Increase Already Large Stock and
Continue Business Under Same
Name as Heretofore

The Brattleboro China store yester-
day afternoon passed into the hands of
new owners, Floyd +. Johnson and Z.
+. Gobie, who have been employed
there the past 10 years. Mr.. johnson
and Mr.. Gobie concluded an agreement
with the owner, G. E. Skerry, Satur-
day and the transaction was completed
yesterday afternoon.
This store formerly was owned bv
Arthur f. Roberts, who last April
bought controlling intrest in the Ma
tional Automatic Machine Co. of Elm
street, Mr.. Skerry taking the store in
exchange.
The new owners will conduct the
business under the same name as here
tofore and will increase the already
large stock. Besides full lines of
china, crockery and glassware they
carry window shades, wall paper. cam
cras and camera supplies, kitchen fur
nishings, etc, and have painting
business in connection.
Mr.. johnson began as clerk for the
concern 10 years ago next month and
Mr.. Gobie has worked In the wall pa
per and painting department most OF
the time the past decade. During that
time the business has grown materially
| Mr.. Skerry has not concluded hi,
| plans for the future.
The Brattleboro daily reformer. (Brattleboro, Vt.) 1913-1955, 1916-09-12
ROCKWELL DOWNS HIS
FOURTH AEROPLANE
Afterward Attacked by Two Fokkers,
He Eludes Them by Swift Turn
and Escapes.

PARIS, Sept. u. - Kiffin Rockwell,
the American aviator, downed his fourth
German aeroplanc Friday. He is now
only one short of the number that ranks
him among the stars of air service like
Guynemer and Nungesser, who are
chronicled by name in the French bull
letins after each success.
Flying near Verdun at about 5000
meters Rockwell attacked a double
seated German airplane just beneath
him. lie killed the gunner with his first
volley, and probably wounded the
pilot, for the machine Immediately be-
gan to descend in circular spiral.
Rockwell plunged in pursuit, caught up
with the German at 500 Seters, and
riddled him with bullets. He saw him
fall near the trench lines.
In the act of descending to verify
the result, the American was attacked
from above by two Fokkers. A swift
turn which "banked" his Nieuport al
most vertically saved his life. He tried
to maneuver to engage each foe sepa
rately, but after brief fight, finding
/ his ammunition exhausted, decided tC
retreat, and succeeded in escaping un
i hurt
Observers stated later that the Ger
man aeroplane fell in front of thei
/ trenches, where French guns quickl,
/ knocked it to pieces.