davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1916-11-14
Not Much Chance.

A tailor who had been wrongfully
accused of murder, and who had an
excellent defense, seemed very detected
when brought up for trial.
whats the trouble?" whispered the
counsel observing his clients distress
as he surveyed the jurymen.
1T looks very bad for me-" said the
defendant, "unless some steps are tax.
en- to dismiss that jury and get new
lot. There isn't a man among then
but owes me money for clothes. Tit.
Bits.
Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1916-11-14
Maine Gossip
A clearinghouse incident

(R. H. Dyer, Fairfield, Me)
One more unfortunate, weary of hash
(Was not a consummate kicker, nor rash)
Sick of rotations and dishes inedible,
Rallied at the rations with rancor in
credible.
Thrilling. Spectacular? Cad it was Sc
When. in vernacular harsh and delirious,
He who had bowed to each dish indi-
geStible,
Waxed acrimonious, loud, irrepressible.
Belching volcanic and sulphurous cpl
thets,
Threatening panic, and shattering ETH
quettes
Every rule of established civility-
Fuming. the fool, with unseemly hostility.
Cursed he the invalid tea with intensity;
Cursed he the buffers limburgan propen-
sity.
Stew and ragout-the two garlicky de-
MONS
Receiving their due of his bitter vehe-
mence.
Then. with a flash, his spasmodic Grafton
He ends. with his cash in the face of the
matrOn.
Breathless he goes. with demoniac ire.
To jump, / suppose, from the pan to the
fire.
Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1916-11-14

Billy Sunday said: "Of course I cut
out all slang when I hit Boston" He
sure did," for instance: IF you don't
know what time your daughter hits tho
hay, yours will be a pathetic wheeze
when the gossips start"
Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1916-11-14

"Pig iron excited" is the way current
market report puts it. It's not to be
wondered at, for the events Of the last
few days have been of a nature to excite
things even more cold-blooded than pig
iron.-Biddeford Journal.
Specially when they began calling up
to demand: "Where'n is your
concession that Tom Marshall's elect
ed?"
Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1916-11-14

president BACK AT WASHING
TO TAKE UP WAITING PROBLEMS"
-Bungled headline in Mondays Ken
nebec Journal. After all it's an .appro-
pirate time and Job for the President.
Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1916-11-14

York county, Maine, and New
Hampshire go Democratic! We've a
good notion to boycott "Deak" Worm
wood of the Biddeford Journal and
CoIcnei Condor of the Manchester
Union.
Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1916-11-14

Congratulations from Chas. E. Hughes
as the defeated candidate are already
somewhat delayed in transmission.
land Argus.
Seems to be pretty good excuse for
it; for il the President himself isn't
sure enough of his election to issue a
Thanksgiving proclamation, then why
should Mr.. Hughes hurry?
Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1916-11-14

We hope Miss Jeanette Rankin, Mon
tana's representative-elect to Congress,
and the first woman ever elected to
Congress-, wifi be given good COM
mittee assignments. for she's bound to
be the Rankin member, anyway.
Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1916-11-14
Light and Airy
And the Wrens Smiled.

Crown Topics.)
"Oh, yes,'' said Mrs. Summer Bride,
All must be sanitary;
l want to treat nv garden birds
AS we'll as my canary.
Have two bird fountains on the lawn,
And then there'll be no bother
You see, the birds can battle in one,
And drink out of the other"
Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1916-11-14

Yes, they voted for him South
And they voted for him West,
Because "he kept us from war" renown;
But they beat him in New Jersey
And old Princeton beat him best,
For they knew him in his own home.
town.
Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1916-11-14

There has emerged out of Drydom dis
JUNCTION that evidently means something.
is said to have gone bone dry,"-Spring-
field Republican.
Then there's dry as a covered
bridge"
Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1916-11-14
Tuesday, November "a. 1916.

"Tincture all your thoughts with
blindness. all your ambitions with
heInfulness and all your acts with
determination, II you would make
a lasting impression upon your
world, be it big or little..-Ameri-
! can Woman.
Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1916-11-14

When it comes to divorce, I'm a Roman
Catholic. Some things are legally right,
Sunday to Boston.
Ma" Sunday isn't worrying.
Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1916-11-14

If Mondays was a specimen of
Democratic weather. then we're sor-
rier'n ever.
Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1916-11-14
Regretful Memories.

What has become Of the old-fash-
Toned steer that grew the cheaper cuts
Chicago Daily News
Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1916-11-14

Hats off to Montana, which gave the
lady a seat.
Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1916-11-14

Four or five inches of snow was re-
ported Friday night at Eagle Lake and
sleighs and pungs were in use.
Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1916-11-14

'The dentist should make a good SOL
der"
"Why SOP"
He's drilling all the time. Elk
change.
Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1916-11-14

One of the best launchings ever held
in Milbridge was the one on Thursday
morning when the three-masted
schooner Grand Turk left the ways in
Sawyer Bros. shipyard. The vessel is
principally owned by Boston parties.
She will b. commanded by Capt. John
French, former resident of Milbridge
Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1916-11-14

c. Edwin Phillips of Kittery Point.
a bookkeper for South Boston con-
Germ and who resides on fremont
street, Boston, is thanking his lucky
stars as well as the election-for be
become so wrapped up in a political
discussion and the returns last Tues
day that he failed to take his usual
car for home that evening and is still
living. The car was the Inflated one
that went through the Summer street
extension bridge. about 45 people los
ing their lives.
Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1916-11-14

TRINITY COMMANDERY NO. Tx. T
Stated conclave at Masonic Temple, Fri.
dav evening, Nov. II, 1916. at 7.3O P. M
Visiting fraters cordially invited to be
present
GEORGE H. BANGS, Recorder.
Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1916-11-14

Saturday and Sunday seem to have
been a busy one for the f1remen all
over the State, although few bad fires
were reported.
Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1916-11-14

While surveying near the McIntire
house. owned by Charles Grover. one
Of the boundary posts of the old Elmira
Allen lot was found. This stake is
known to have been placed there more
than 100 years ago. and is still in a
good state Of preservation. 1t must be
sunk pretty deep. as it is perfectly
firm. and could not be pulled up with
out considerable trouble. Jere McIntire
is authority for its age, as he knows 1t
was placed there at least thirty years
before he was born. It Is just beyond
the old we'll, near clothes line post
Old York TRANSCRIPT.
Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1916-11-14

News. OF course, when the bet was
being paid. the crowd gathered to
watch the fun. The youthful son OF
one OF the participants stood upon the
sidewalk. and pointing with glee to the
two men said: "Oh. LOOK, isn't my
Father making a fool Of that man?"
Which one is your father" asked one
Of the bystanders.
Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1916-11-14

GOING WEST-3.W A. NJ,
except Monday, Portland
and Boston: 6.38 A. NJ.
Lewiston, Pennington,
Rockland. Portland, Bos-
ton, Montreal and Que
hoo. @ &c M RriIna
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-11-14
sHAvING FoR A HOME


 From the Louisville Courier-Journal.
 Jacob Hysler, a New York barber, re- tires, at s4, with S3O0, 900 as the net pro- ceeds of his 60 years of Shaving, cutting hair, massagng, criticisins baseball teams for the benefit of customers. and giving sometimes profitable advice to persons who might perhaps be interested in unfailing hair restorers.
 It is said by cynics, and denied by multimillionaires, that nobody ever made $1.oOO,OO0 by work Making S300 coo by barbering is almost a refutation of the cynical assertion. The report of Mir. Hysler's success may bolster the con- victions of some of our swollenly fortu- nate who have liked to believe that they got their financial swelling honestly. If one man makes nearly third of mill lion by doing piecewor6 upon the faces of men why should not another man make s1,OOO,OO0, or $12,OOo,OOO, in steel or tobacco or timber or ships or shoes or railroads?
 'The world is mine oyster, and with my sword I'll open it'' was no braver utterance than would be the assertion of a grad uate of a college for barbers: The world is my oyster and with my razor I shall open it. But the average young man, with a heavier cutting instrument, such as a degree in one of the learned pro- fessions, does not expect to prize the oys- ter wide enough to remove his daily three meals and $S00,0O0 worth of pearls beside. So much MT. Hysler has done, despite the popularity of safety razors, and the competition of the beauteous and ubiquit ous masseuse.
 The average barber will confide to you, when he has your ear-who, by the way, has your ear as often or as literally and exclusively?-thatt there is nothing in the calling; nothing beyond, as he expresses it, three hots and bunch of feathers But behold, the exceptional, the inspira tional MT. Hysler, s3o0,0OO to the good after having been well fed and lodged for 60 fruitful years.
 It isn't the calling, after all but the man that counts.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-11-14
Harry A. Franck in the Century Maga-

Harry A. Franck in the Century Maga-
 zine.
 N MID gusts of Scotch mist and un- A\ der heavy skies, we drifted in- S GS ertly into sand paved, silent, tropical city street, past rows of languid stares, and on the last afternoon of the year, with Cochabamba Ca town in the center of Bolivia 335 miles behind us, we sat down dripping and sunburned in the central plaza of Santa Cruz de la Siera.
 The capital of all the vast tropical de- partment of eastern Bolivia owes its fame largely to it's isolation. Far away one hears much of it; once there, one finds little Like the eminent men of many secluded corners of South America, it is important only through the exceed ing unimportance of it's neighbors.
 It is a city of silence. Not only it's bare feet, but it's primitive OK carts, make not sound in the sand streets There is no industry to add it's strident voice, and every street fades away at each end into the trackless, whispering, jungled montana.
 In this rainy season, which begins in earnest with the new year and lasts through April, it had many muddy pools and ponds, along the edges of some of which the streets crawled by on long heaps of the skulls of cattle, bleached snow white by the sun.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-11-14
COOKING AS A FINE ART

From the St. Louis Globe-Democrat.
 A bequest to individuals may also be a public benefacton. To promote the science of cooking in the domestic cir cle is a form of beneficence that will be approved without a word of dissent A thoughtful old lady in New York left to four granddaughters $10,0O0 each on con dition that, on reaching the age of q, they should prove their ability to cook an acceptable meal. There is no danger that their education will be neglected in other respects. All will be graduates of noted colleges, and their father is pro- lessor in one of the leading universities. One of the granddaughters has already received her portion after demonstrating that she was well entitled to the reward. Cooking is a corner stone of all that man. kind can hope to accomplish AS a man eats so is he in a potential working sense. The sky is blue and the world bright to the eupeptic. Even armies. travel on their stomachs. Sound cooking is a sublime sort of chemistry Shake speare must have been blessed with the digestion that waits on appetite, and been familiar with the best eating houses in London when the Elizabethan age was in flower. The most quoted passage in the poems of the younger Bulwer is one that declares books and the fine arts to be all very well, but to dine alright is one Of the highest achievements, for civilized man cannot live without cooks
 The appeal of competent cooking is powerful and constant. Once upon time when the Kentucky legislature had been in a continuous deadlock without 8 meal for more than 24 hours, the gray morn- ing light found the members still in their seats. grimly obstinate. An old represent tatlve from the mountains went to an open fire in a grate and proceeded to crisp a piece of bacon on stick. The aroma spread subtly through the hall. Members began to grin and relax. In 8 minute or two a motion to adjourn went through with a rush and a big laugh. The deadlock was reduced to an absurd ity, and reason resumed it's sway after a second good breakfast.
 In all the genius of people the evolu- ton of cooking is one of the strongest merits and surest claims to an immor- tai place in history.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-11-14
THE ARGoT OF ANNAPOLIS

Julian Street in Golfers Weekly
 For certain slang expressions used b cadets I am indebted to a member the corps From this admiral-to-b learn that a bird" or "wazzo'' is a ma or boy; that pap sheet" is repol covering delinquencies and that to "h the pap" is to be reported for delii quency; that steam is marine engineeI ing and to be "bilged for juice' is to fa in examination in electrical engineerin, to get an "unsat," or unsatisfactory ma or even zip or ''swabo," which is zero.
 Cadets do not escort girls to dance but drag" them; a girl is drag, all a heavy drag or brick is an una tractive girl who must be taken to < dance. A "sleuth' or "jimmylegs' is night watchman, and to be ragged" to be caught. Mess hall walters al sometimes called "mokes,'' while at othss times the names of certain exalted dig taries of the navy department or of ts academy are applied to them.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-11-14
BOLIVIAN CITY OF SILENCE

The large ponds were almost lakes and carried the mind back to Randy, Ceylon. Frequently the streets were flooded deep for an hour or more until the thirsty sand had drunk up the tropical deluge. For these eventualities the town has a sys tenn of its own. At every street corner four rows of weather blackened piles pro- trude a foot or more above the sand,
 and along these stepping stones the shod
 minority passes from one roofed sidewalk
 to another.
 The houses invariably consist of a
 large room, by day opening directly on the porch sidewalk, though the best of them are rather bare in appearance de-
 spite a small forest of frail cane chairs, black in color, as the best provided Cru l ceno family is not rich by our standards. The rumors that seep up out of Santa Cruz of her beautiful pure white types are largely of artificial propagation. It: is true that she has larger percentage of: Spanish blod than any other -Bolivianl city; but this is rarely found in it's un-, adulterated form. A mongrel mixture, is all but general, thanks largely to al lack of social tautness and to the over- stock of one sex, due chiefly to the youngl men going down into the rubber districts of the Beni and not so frequently re 1 turning, that makes the percentage of
 Crucenos born out of legal wedlock higfy even for Bolivia.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-11-14
STEVENSON AND HENLEY

Brander Matthews in Scribner's Mag
 azine.
 if N those successive summers in Lon
 don QSS2, 's3 and 'S4 I went far more often to the Saville than to the Athenaeum; and among those whom came to know at the younger club was William Ernest Henley. Already in 1878 Austin Dobson had told me of the bal lads and other Freych forms which Hen ley was writing in weekly called Lon- don, then edited by him. Dobson also informed me that London was printing g. series of strange tales, called the New Arabian Nights written by very clever young Scotchman, Robert Louis Stevenson.
 I looked up the publication offices of London in some squalid side street and secured a lot of the back numbers, In which I read Stevenson's fiction and Henley's rhymes, not being greatly taken with the latter, which seemed to me tben-and now also-to lack the bright ness and lightness, the unpremeditated ease, and the certainty of stroke Which had charmed me in Dobson's ballads and villanelles. It is not in familiar verse that Henley was to make his mark as a poet-insofar as he did make his mark but in the sledgee hammer assertiveness of his intensely characteristic
 q am the master of my fate,
 I am the captain of my soul.
 In the early sos I saw good deal of fa1 fn o6i of the Critic that Henley might be en- listed as their London correspondent. While this engagement was pending he wrote me: 'I think I can manage the work-provided always that I'm not asked to praise Gladstone and that I can say pretty much (within limits) what I please. I'd rather like to try my hand at it anyhow" He had the chance to try his hand at it and he was not asked to praise Gladstone, but his connection with the Critic was finally terminated mainly because Henley, in the fury of his Tory partisanship, could not refrain from filling his letters with bitter abuse of Gladstone. abuse wholly out of place in the columns of an American periodical devoted to gentler arts than politics.
 This exuberance of animosity was just like Henley He had no assured income, he did not form new connections easily he needed the money from this cores pondence, but he could not refrain from freeing his soul in print, regardless of the editors who were employing him. The surprising attack that Henley made upon the memory of Stevenson was ex- actly what might have been expected by anyone who knew Henley's funda- mental honesty and his uneasy sef-asser- l tion l doubt if Henley's article would have pained Stevenson as much as it did his admirers. After all, Stevenson was not bad judge of character, and l think that even if he would depore Henley's attitude, he would understand it.
 While I saw a good deal of Henley in those summers in the Sos I saw Steven
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-11-14
LUKE M'LUKE SAYS

A widow simply can't spend her insur- ance money in way that is satisfactory to her female neighbors.
 A farmers idea of tough luck is to have the stork bring him a family of girls.
 Foreign missions may be all right. The trouble is that if we send some old over- shoes and some Bibles to the heather in the South Sea Islands, we are supposed to forget that there are Christians in our own towns who are in need of bread and milk for their babies.
 One reason why a girls handkerchief is whiter looking than her petticoat is be- cause she can wash the handkerchief in a bowl and iron it by pasting it on the mirror.
 We'll bet that the angel who records the cuss words used by men has had to put on a large force of assistants since the automobile tire was invented
 And it is a safe bet that if Diogenes had used a searchlight instead of lan- tern the result would have been about the same.
 One way to boost your grocery bill about five bucks per week is to buy your wife a new cook book.
 A scientist claims that if girls will wear yellow stockings the mosquitos won't bite them. The reason for thls is that the lady mosquito is the only one that bites. The gentleman mosquito is harmless. If the gentleman mosquito did the biting he wouldn't care hang what color the stockings were on plump calf
 Lots of men would like to be generous and donate something to a blind man or a cripple only they always leave their money in their other clothes.
 A nsAn would Ather hear you roast his enem~ than heAf you praise his friend.
 Yous wife uay never have appeared on the sfage bt lat doesn't prevent her from aB lelding lady.
 Andf iss efEh prs are almost certain to acdsse < wEdpwer of joy riding home from As 4ta SgIfe's funeral.
 It is nNnA pf clr business. But it is hardly a fos he jurors to have a fixed tsas when he prosecutor is sum ming i eesh
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-11-14
Large Sunn Spent On
 New York IrheaGres

M ccoRDlNG to the estimate of a N newspaper correspondent, the atre patrons spend more than $10,- O00, ,0O0 year in New York. This is probably no exaggeration, for the first thought of the average visitor from the "provinces" is a trip to the the atre. He tries to see all the "reigning seees if his money holds out.
 sosse 4 the visitors go to differ
 p;s ouse every afternoon and ~esIy AgAt. When they return home nobody asks, "Did you see Grants tomb ?" or "What did you think of the Metropolitan Museum?" Even the first visit to New York is rarely de- voted to Obstructive sightseeing" The theatres and cabarets have an irge- sistible attraction.
 It is not the people who live in New York, but strangers pouring into the city by hundreds of thousands who provide a rich harvest for theatrical managers and the proprietors of play houses. The latter are credited with taking nearly half of the annual re- ceipts. When producers are anxious to put on new plays, almost any sort of theatre will be hired
 While New York is the center of such activities in this country, it is the money of the provinces that keeps the playhouses open and the judgment of the theatregoer from out-of-town that largely decides whether an, lat traction is worth while or not.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1916-11-14
A FAMOUS FORECASTER
I the Memphis News-scimitar.

From the Memphis News-Scimitar
 The Rev. Irl R. Hicks of St Louis, who has long been known as the long distance weather forecaster, has been called to his reward, after studous and laborious life of real service to the country. He was not a conventional scientist, and was therefore jeered at and heckled, and all manner of fun was made of him. He had theory in which he firmly believed, and which enabled him to anticipate and pre- dict atmospheric and seismic perturba- tions. The government being controlled by the conventional scientists, would never give him the recognition and en- couragement which he desired, and which many believe he merited His calcula- tons were made and prepared for the printers probably six months before the beginning of the year covered by his pre- dictions, yet he made many marvellous prophecies which put to shame the weather bureau and the scientists that had such contempt for him. One mo- table instance is well within the memory of most people. On March 3, 1909, the government weather bureau prediAked fair weather for Taft's inaugural on m fol- lowing day. Rev. Hicks almanac, that was prepared perhaps the previous Au- gust or September, predicted the biggest snowstorms of the winter for Washing ton on March 4. His prediction was abundantly vindicated, as those who suf- fered from the effects of the storm re- member to their sorrow. The weather bureau had fallen down miserably, and tragically for many people, and the un- scientic and unconventional preacher, who was ignored. put the great machinery of tn government weather bureau to shame.
 Rev. Hicks founded his forecasts on planetary influences, and whether or not his system will ever bcome popular, it is certainly as reliable as any other that we know of. and it costs only an infni- tesimal part of what the people pay for their weather bureau.