The Washington herald., 1916-07-05
SEEN AND HEARD
BY GEORGE MINER

new YORK, June 4.-Certain actor people, who
afterward described themselves as goats although
they belong to the Lambs Club, tried to per-
suade Andrew Mack to enlist for the naval train
ing cruise.
Even Col. Roosevelt would have arched his
neck several times before he would have tackled
that job and walked very lightly to it.
Many army and navy men are members of
the Lambs and others frequently dropping in
as guests, SO you always pretty OF
hnding two or three of them there any afternoon.
lhati how Andy Mack happened to be sur
rounded by bunch of naval fellows who set
about recruiting him. They Immediately had a
lot of volunteer aids from the actors present.
Among the naval men were Commander Frank
Evans, the of Fighting Bob" Commander
! Tardie, who is reputed to have captured Picking
single-handed; Lieut.. Cohen whose Job it is to
get recruits here in New York and Lieut..
Quimby, who gave up summer canoeing trip
10 help boom the cruise. After the sailors had
metaphorically hog tied Andy or put running
bowline around him so he couldn't do all the
talking himself, all hands set to work with the
persuading pedal full on.
But tell me-" expostuIated the swect-snging
comedian, what good will this do me? Will it
get me commission in the Irish navy?"
They explained that there was no Irish navy.
"Oh, | know that Of course But why isn't
there an Irish navy? Switzerland has a navy
and it's in the mountains Ireland is in the sea
and has no navy. There is something wrong
about this navy business. Somebody has been
holding out and Ireland is getting the worst of it.
No, l won't 60"
Then they told him what lot of good it
would do him mentally, morally and physically;
that it would keep him for a month away from
all temptation, both liquid and textile and from
the insidious viands of the lobster palaces so
that when he came back he would be better
actor
| That was a mistake for the better actor
| suggestion did not strike a responsive chord
Andy even murmured something that sounded
like impossible" and gliding the refined gold
! They showed him the schedule of the days
routine shipboard and pointed out how well
| it was arranged Three or four times during
| the day there the entry Light smoking
/ lamp" and hour later "Out smoking lamp
Every naval man, be he officer or jackie, knows
that expression is the survival of an old custom
| In the days of the wooden ships nobody wa.
allowed to carry matches, and so at certain
hours a lamp lighted from which pipe:
could be set going. The term is still used, and
means that smoking is permitted between those
hours. However, Andy did not know that.
What silly foolishncss is this?" he asked
-Four bells out smoking lamp, Why put it out
! Why not turn it down if it smokes. And fol
Pete's sake, look here. Light smoking lampl
| What for2 Why not have it fixed before vor
| light it, No, sir. l won't enlist on an old shit
where they use nothing but lamps that smoke
thought our navy up to date and had
| electric lights. No wonder Senator Tillmar
wants 'em to build some new ships These mus,
date back to when policemen wore sidewhiskers
thought kerosene lamps went out of fashion
when the kicked that one over in Chicago
and burned up the city
And four bells, tool The fellow who wrote
this stuff could not know much about hotels
| II he had lived in them as much as | have he'd
know that when you ring four times it calls
the valet. You don't call the valet to put out
a smoking lamp You call the chambermaid
! Ring twice for the chambermaid Once for ice.
water
| And that makes me think There's another
mighty good reason why I can't go on this
cruise. l don't like grape juice l hate it"
But you won't have to drink grape Juice"
"Why not? What then? 1t doesn't saw anv.
thing about pipe all hands to grog. The only
! liquid mentioned in this program is $40 coffee
and o:3o scrub decks. The doctor has cut me
| OFT from coffee and I'm sure | couldn't drink
scrubbing water So there you are Up in
Plattsburg you can go across the road to the
Greeks if you are thirsty. I'll bet that on this
cruise they won't allow any Greeks across the
road; or any road either for that matter, except
the ocean highway, and you can't cross that
unless you swim, and l can't SWIM
Also I'm used to coming home in tax
at night. If | should come home to this battle.
ship in taxi the boss of the quarter deck OF
the half-dollar deck would probably be peeved
about it and take away my latchkey or whatever
you use to get in a ship with. No, nothing
doing"
But think of the good company you will be
IN! Just look over the list of men who have
enrolled. All sorts of prominent and high-class
people. There's Harold Vanderbilt who is the
brother of the Duchess of Marlborough: r n
| McAdoo, the son Of the Secretary of the Treas
ury; Junius Morgan the son of J. P. Morgan
Vincent Astor, Ogden Reid, George F. Baker