davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The daily Alaskan., 1916-01-03
TURNED THE TABLES.
A Show Manager Who Got Even Wlth
 an Obstinate Landlord.

A Show Manager Who Got Even Wlth
 an Obstinate Landlord.
 In the book of raminiscence that P, T. Barnum, the famous snowman, wrote forty years ago there is an amusing anecdote that recalls the days when the one ring circus was the chief attraction of the long, hot summer.
 The incident occurred when we were at Hanover Court House, in Virginia, wrote Mir. Barnum. It rained SO heaY- fly that we could not perform there, and Turner, manager of the show, de- cidcd to start for Richmond imme- diately after dinner.
 He was informed by the landlord that as our agent had engaged three meals and lodging for the whole com pany the entire bill must be paid whether we went then or the next morning. No compromise could be ef- fected with the stubborn landlord, and so Turner proceeded to get the worth of his money as follows:
 He ordered dinner at 12 o'clock, which was duly prepared and eaten. The table was cleared and reset for supper at half past 12. At o'clock we all went to bed, every man carrying a lighted candle to hls room. There were thirty-siy of us, and we all un- dressed and tumblcd into bed as If We were going to stay NInight, In half an hour we rose and went down to the hot breakfast that Turner had demand ed and that We found smoking on the table.
 Turner was very grave, the landlord was exceedingly angry and the rest of US were cOnvulsed with laughter at the absurdlty of the whole proceeding. We disposed of our breakfast as if we had eaten nothing for ten hours and then started for Richmond satisfied that we had fairly settled with the unreasOR- able landlord
The daily Alaskan., 1916-01-03
rhn n,uchtsr Understood.

Once upon a time a fond mother dis approved of her daughter marrying. This was the more awkward because the young lady had picked the young man out. Also he had wealth. And the mother, who was widowed, had not the wherewIthul to furnish her daugh- ter with the variety Of frocks and things which her youthful heart cray ed. "I might not object to the man so much" said the mother one evening. eff you would only let me see him. But here is a man whom I have never Get eyes on and yet one whom you in, slst on taking for a husband. I don't understand such secrecyr'
 The daughter replied, "If ever ln- troduced him you'd insist on marrying him yourself"
The daily Alaskan., 1916-01-03
A Perfect Prc-ram.

This one has the merit of being true, anyhow: The official pesslmist of small city, al gentleman who had wres' tied with chronic dyspepsia for years stood in front of the postolice as the noon whistles sounded.
 Twelve o'clock, eh?" he said half to himself and half to an acquaintance "Wcu, I'm going home to dinner. If dinner ain't ready Pm going to raise the very mischief, and if it is ready ain't goiug to eat a bite."-Saturday Evening Post.
The daily Alaskan., 1916-01-03
A Meroenary BaIIot.
AVOID MISTAKES
No Need for You to Experiment With Such Convincing Xvi
 dence at Hand

There are many well-advertised kidney remedies on the market to- day, but none so well-recommended as Deans Kidney Pills. Read the statement of one who has used them.
 Anton Spreitzer, grocer, 4O7 N. 24th St., Portland, Ore, says: q was annoyed by rheumatic pains and quite severe backache. The acton of my kidneys was irregular and the secretions burned in pas sage. Doan's Kidney Pills re Heved the backache and rheumatic pains and regulated and strength ened my kidneys"
 tStatement given March 21, 191O)
The daily Alaskan., 1916-01-03
ALitnrarY Waiter.

James Stephens, a literary Irishmana author of a number of novels, sketches and poems, is somewhat noted for his absentmindedness. In Paris he wrote his imaginative verses in the corners of cafes and never noticed which of these had been the environment of bis muse. Once he left the manuscript of 'GThe Demigods" in one of them, but could not remember where. Days aft. CT, wandering into the Cafe Closerle des Luas, q waiter handed him the lost sheets. A five franc piece was offered. The waiter with much dignity refused the reward. T am," he said, "a man of letters myself when have an hour to spare, and know what it is to lose the fruits of ones brains.'
 A Moroenary Ballot.
 "What ticket does sellout voteT
 "ue doesn't vote a ticket. He votes a pglce tag."-WushingtOn Star.
The daily Alaskan., 1916-01-03
ARE YOU SISTERS 2"

ing house on the hrI, hits dis CT way, Sanders, up dar in de white house, he married me fu'st; den Sis Liza heah come Tong, ap' he 'vorsted me an put me out heah in de cabin so he could marry her But bimeby he 'vorsted her, and den hc fetch her down de h.iI to de cabin to make room for dat young gal, Cora, he done married. No, sir. us ain no blood kin-I guess we's wives-in-law" "-EverybOdy's.
The daily Alaskan., 1916-01-03
Would Go Even Further,

Judge Porter, a popular Irish magis- trute of some years ago, in sentencing a notorious druukard, said:
 "You will be confined in jail for the longest period the law allows, and | hope you will spend your time in CUTS ing whisky"
 q will, sir" promptly answered the toper, "and Porter too
The daily Alaskan., 1916-01-03

His Mistnke.

Customer-That was the dricst, fat est sandwich I ever tried to chew intOI
 Waiter-Why, here's your sandwich! You ate your chcck!-PittsbuTgh Press.
The daily Alaskan., 1916-01-03
A Mattar Of Nin.

Are you sistersT" asked the census taLer of two coIorcd women who sat on the tiny porch Of their cabin.
 "'No, sir" one of the women replied; 'us aln't no blood kin. You see, ' pointing to a rather prctentious look
The daily Alaskan., 1916-01-03

tially belted. finished with interesting dashes of metal embroidery, as are the cuffs. The choker collar is edged with narrow beaver, fastening snugly in the front. A velOurs velvet sailor with fairly high crown completes this smart
The daily Alaskan., 1916-01-03
AN ENGLISH MODEL.

This eoxy Coat ls One of the Newest
 Models.
 With veIvets springing to the front of fall favor this design speaks the last word of smartness. The circular skirt is shOrtish, and the coat Is par
The daily Alaskan., 1916-01-03
Content.

Seek not to be rich, but happy, The one lies in bags, the other in content which wealth can never giye.-WlHam Penn.
Omaha daily bee., 1916-02-29
Nor. Deadly Thsn the u.Boat.


Reports OF loss OF British liners in the Eng
lish channel off Dover on Sunday did not come
with the surprise that might have attended such
events few months ago. Vagrant mines" are
the terror Of the waters around the British Isles
just at this time Torn from their mOorings by
the terrific storms Of the last few days. these
uncomfortable engines OF destruction are drift
ing into the fairway and working havoc among
the shipping. In the opening days OF the war
the belligerents bent every energy TO strewing
the waters with destructive devices of all kinds.
the purpose being to render navigation unsafe
This has been accomplished with remarkable ef-
ficiency. The new occupation OF mine
sweeping has served in some measure TO keep
certain lanes free for the passage Of ships. but
the winds and waves bring confusion. The ex-
perience OF Sunday is not new. as ships have
been sunk in the North Sea and elsewhere in the
waters OF the war zone through collision with
wandering mine. The danger Of a mine exceeds
that Of a submersibIe. for the undersea boat can
at least give warning before It's strike, and
makes selection OF It's victims. The lesson is that
a number OF practices common to this war will
have to undergo revision whenever enough OF
order is restored TO permit consideration OF the
problems
Omaha daily bee., 1916-02-29
Tips on Home Topics

Pittsburgh Dispatch: Mr.. Bryan is TO
head the Nebraska delegation AZ St.
Louis. Which way?
Washington Post: When a presidential
candidate meets an Ohio law there's
nothing left but to burn his plank behind
him,
Chicago Herald Who would have be-
lleved a few years ago that a bill to sub
nit statewide prohibition amendment
would be defeated In a Kentucky legis-
lature by only six votes?
Springfield Republican; BY the way. IL
the majority OF successful lawyers at 90
years OF age should be investigated like
Mr.. Brandeis. how would their careers
show up in the limelight2
Boston Transcript: With the Virginia
legislature adjourning in honor OF Lin
coins birthday and southern democrats
voting to increase the Lincoln Memorial
appropriation, maybe the Columbia state
can be led TO see that the war is nearly
over.
New York World: An Indiana congress
man objects to motor car delivery Of rural
mail because It wakes up the poor
farmer in the middle of the night and
forces him to go out with a lantern to
see what has happened to his mail-boN."
Prosperity on the farm has its disad-
vantages when II is accompanied with
the noise nuisance OF urban life.
Springfield Republican: Mr.. Bryan Is
helplessly muzzled on the question OF a
second nomination for the president II
the report be true that Judge Clayton OF
the United States district court has I'm
his possession letter from Mr.. Bryan
written in February 1918. in which Mr..
Bryan stated that Mr.. Wilson was. or
should he. exempt from the restraining
Influence OF the Baltimore single-term
plank.
Omaha daily bee., 1916-02-29
Insurgents Back on the Reservation.

From Washington comes word that the ghost
dancing Is over for the time and the nsurgent
democrats are all back on the reservation. the
spasm OF last week having passed away in i'm
potence. President Wilson has gained a moral
victory OF inconsiderable value over the un-
ruly members OF his party in congress. who were
bent on oyerturning his foreign policy. His
courageous declaration in his letter TO Senator
Stone too much for the men who had so
loudly trumpeted their plans. and they are again
proving the truth OF Senator Roots charge that
the party s amenable only 70 the influence OF a
club. Senator Gore and Representatives McLe-
more and Bailey have retired TO their tepees
and the Missouri tribe is again purring around
the place. as peaceful and innocuous as could be
wished.
The failure OF the unpatriotic attempt OF the
Bryanites to further embarrass the president in
his course at this critical time exposes the emp
tiness of their pretensions. They had planned
TO make II appear that the followers OF the late
secretary OF state are the real saviors OF the
country, on whose action hangs peace Instead,
they only made more plain the futility OF the
democratic party when II comes to dealing with
questions OF real importance.
Omaha daily bee., 1916-02-29
The saddest Of All.

Omaha has recently had exceptionally
large number OF child fatalities resulting from
accidents OF one kind or another. The sudden
blotting out OF an innocent youngsters life is
the saddest OF sad experiences. To have a bright
boy or girl of tender years start out in playful
mood only to be brought back home a cold corpse
is blow that stuns and paralyzes. II makes
no difference whether II is a coasting accident
or an automobile collision or a drowning or
the discharge OF a observation-disclosures gun
in the hands OF a playmate. the pity of II and
the needlessness of it strike a telling blow.
Unfortunately accidents will happen and lit
tie tots will take reckless risks, but there is no
consolation to grlev'ng parents in wise saws
The only moral to be drawn is the admonition
Look well TO the children"
Omaha daily bee., 1916-02-29
Around the Cities

Cleveland will shortly pay laborers on
municipal work $3.50 day OF eight
hours.
ton on a bond issue OF S6.Oo0000. the
proceeds to be used in building a rapid
transit loop around the city.
Courts OF Kansas City. Mo. have sus-
tanned the rule OF the city excluding sa-
looms from the residence districts south
Of Twenty-fifth street and east OF
Troost avenue.
An Intoxicated woman brought before
the police Judge OF Wichita was warned
to leave town "and go 20 some place
where you can't get liquor" Wichita
Is in the center Of the dry belt.
Detroit is moving 20 make the city a
county and thus split with the state
some $50. 900 a year derived from a new
automobile tax. At present the state
and county splits It fifty-fifty.
Philadelphia is preparing to go into
the publicity business on a scale which
will put the spotlight fully on the city's
best side The mayor has asked the
oouncilmen for s5OJ,OoO TO pay for spread
ing the light.
The town selectmen OF BowdoinhRm.
Me. adopted a rule by which the town
bears the expense OF cleaning the snow
off sidewalks IN front OF houses owned
by widows. where there is no able-bodied
man. but absolutely refused 10 lend a
like helpful hand to beresft widowers.
San Diego councilmen. several weeks
ago, hughingly agreed 20 give a rain
maker $1,000 II he would fiji Morena
dam. The dam had never been more
than one-third full. The rAinmal1er got
busy. 30 did the regular weather man.
and rain and snow descended In such
quantities that the dam couldn't hold IL
and gave way. devastating the adjacent
valleys. The rainmaker claims he de-
livered the goods and Is suing San Diego
for the money
Omaha daily bee., 1916-02-29
Here and There

A painful cry OF lost art goes up in
Denver. translated into a woeful wall by
echoing canyons. The annual decorative
exhibit OF bearded goats in honor Of the
book season will not be held this year
and admirers of foaming art must
forego the pleasure unless they have It
shipped in.
A suit against the Kansas City South
ern Railroad company for sS60.OOO. started
sixteen years ago, has Just been decided
for the plaintiff by the United States SUI
preme court. Interest and principal total
100000. Fifteen lawyers were employed
in the case and their bills. with Incl
dental expenses, equal one-half the judg-
ment
A practical test of prayer as a church
debt raiser is proceeding at Grass Valley,
Cal, and will continue until Easter Sun
day. Pastor Bert Foster of the Emman-
uel Episcopal chuch is confident the debt
will be wiped out without resort to sup
pers, concerts and like methods, II two
or more members Of the congregation
join with him in prayer one hour each
day to the finish.
James Cannon Of PHILADELPHIA. the
man with the iron nerve" is dead at
the age Of S. Fifteen years ago he de-
clared he would rot in Jail" rather than
sign deed to property on an order Of
court, and was promptly committed for
contempt. After seven years imprison-
ment and still unyielding. the Pennsyl-
vania legislature passed special act
authorizing the sheriff TO execute the
deed. and Cannon. defeated. was released.
Omaha daily bee., 1916-02-29
Good Thing to Push Along

Columbus Telegram; All the state is applaudiug
he fight made by The Omaha Bee to eradicate some
n the evils OF court system which permits
crooked lawyer 90 carry crooked TO the courts
The profession OF the law is noble. but unhappliy
that profession is often professed by would
have been drummed out OF the camp OF Pat Grove
and his fellows charge OF unprofsssional conduct
The clean members OF the Omaha bar know that their
organization bears upon It's rolls many which
should not be there. but for strange reason no
serious effort is made 10 dislodGe them The
Omaha Bee has undertaken the task OF purifying the
atmosphere IN the Omaha temple OF justice. Il Ia
high time. For long that atmosphere has been 80
impure 10 impair the constitution OF the Goddess
Of Justice and make her look like blighted bouquet
on the way to the garbage can. Every lawyer in
Omaha day that he would always protect
the honor OF his profession but many appear 10
have forgotten the solemn oath. The Omaha Bee 10
now performing the oath which the Omaha lawyers
swore 10 perform. and performing better than any
Omaha lawyer has performed H.
Omaha daily bee., 1916-02-29
closer Cattle Tnspection Needed.

Another report reaches The Bee OF tubercu-
lar cattle being shipped into Nebraska, coming
with clean bill OF health from the inspector
in the state where they we're purchased. Sew
eral previous attempts of owners OF infected
stock to dispose Of them by sale to buyers at
distance have been recorded. and justified de-
mand is now made that government inspectors
be more vigilant Endeayors to stamp out in
fection. especially tuberculoss. among the herds
Of the country will come TO naught, so long as
owners OF diseased stock can dispose OF them
to innocent purchasers. Many devices and tricks
are resorted to by unscrupulous shippers to evade
the law and defeat the tests. Most of these are
known, and should be rigidly guarded against.
Nebraska has OF late become a great purchaser
OF pure bred cattle. and the efforts to improve
the herds of the state should have every encour-
agement This means that closer inspection
must be provided for. that the western breed
ers may have the protection to which they are
entitled
Omaha daily bee., 1916-02-29
Germany, Answer Rsa,surinr.

In the tone OF the answer from the German
imperial government TO the United States on
the matter OF submarine warfare is found little
occasion for immediate apprehension. The Ger
man government quite naturally contends for
Its version OF the controversy with earnestness.
but not in way that leaves the impression OF
an approaching impasse. Renewal OF pledges
given as to unarmed merchantmen was a mat
ter OF form. but will serve as reassuring those
who had conceived the idea that the kaiser's
government was planning to run a mad dog cam
paign with its undersea boats The crux Of the
case turns on the status OF the armed merchant
man, and this will be the subject OF debate for
some time. II the modus vivendi proposed by
the United States be made effective. the
crisis Is over But that the Allies may be looked
TO contribute in any to the relief OF the stress
between the United States and GermanyNis not
apparent However this may be. war with Ger
many does not appear TO be very near at the
doors Of Uncle Sam.
Omaha daily bee., 1916-02-29
01eoHeeS6&
.SMS8oT
No Conscription In Canada.

No COnscriptton IN Canada.
CHICAGO. Feb. @.-To the Editor OF
The Bee: In view OF the recent publica-
ton in your paper Of an article with re-
gard TO the risk OF American citizens in
Canada being drafted as soldiers and the
number that are returning 70 America
for that reason. I wish 10 present the
facts in the case as outlined in attached
letter from the minister OF the interior
Dominion OF Canada, dated ottawa,
January S. 1916. in which he says:
Numerous papers in the United States
nave recently advised American citizens
that by going to Canada they incurred
me risk OF being drafted as soldiers in
the present worldwide war When
responsible journals are misled into pub
fishing erroneous Information regarding
COnscrtption II seems advisable 10 make
an official pronouncement upon the mat
ter.
/, therefore. beg to advise you that all
troops from Canada for the war have
gone voluntarily; that while the govern
ment has the power to enforce conscrip-
ton, such action has not been considered
elther advisable or necessary, and that
even were conscription introduced IL
would apply to Canadian citizens only
For your information 1 may say that
many Canadians resident in the United
states and many American citizens have
crossed into Canada since the outbreak
or war, have offered their services been
accep, ed. done valuable work and in some
cases gave up their life in the cause OF
liberty and justice.
Your publication of same will be very
much appreciated. Q. II. ToUZALIN.
Tousalin Advertising Agency
Omaha daily bee., 1916-02-29
Dominating the High seas.

OMAHA. Feb. 28.-To the Editor of The
Bee: The large headlines over one
column OF a recent issue are: columbia
Must Rule the Pacific" In this SEN
tenee Columbia means the United States
Probably the headlines in newspaper have
an important influence on the character
or qualities of the views OF many read
ers, even when the headlines. as often Is
the case. misrepresnt the true meaning
of the utterances that follow them.
There never has been a time when It
was more important for the people to this
nation to have a clear conception of the
proper rules of national conduct than
now. My present purpose is to call at
tention TO the fact that II II is the am
bition and purpose of this nation TO rule
the high seas. We are cultivating the very
disposition that we condemn in the con-
duct in every other nation that shows Il.
We need to be careful not only to make
fair Representations. but 20 make our
conduct and true intentions such that
our actions will not belle our words. Only
thus can we attain the moral influence
or power that would give the deepest
satisfaction TO us and make this truly
the most influential nation in the world.
The headlines referred to were based
upon words attributed to Admiral Badger
but his words, as reported. are: "A fleet
capable OF dominating the Pacific ocean
is the only sure protection OF the Pa
cific coast" In reality his sentiment is
not at variance with that expressed re-
peatedly by President Wilson; that we
aim to defend our rights and interests.
but not to interfere with the free use OF
the high seas by any other nation for
any legitimate purpose II is supremely
important TO maintain this attitude and
to have the people of other nations under
stand Il. II would be vain TO expect TO
improve international relations without
the adoption Of higher moral standards
than have Prevailed heretofore Greed
and arrogance must be marked for de-
struction. Only thus can we hope to
have lasting peace and prosperity.
BERTAH F. COCHRAN
Omaha daily bee., 1916-02-29
Rub Rheumatism
Pain From Sore,
Aching Joints
Rub pain away with a small
trial bottle of old "St.
Jacobs OIL"
WHAT'S Rheumatism? Pain only.

What's Rheumatism Pain only.
Stop drugging! Not one case In fifty
requires internal treatment. Rub sooth-
ing, penetrating "St. Jacobs or directly
upon the tender spot and relief comes
Instantly. "St. Jacobs or Is harm
less rheumatism and sciatica liniment,
which never disappoints and can not burn
the skin.
Timber upl Quit complainingl Get
small trial bottle from your druggist,
and in just a moment you'll be free from
rheumatic and sciatic pain. soreness,
stiffness and swelling. Don't suffer! Re
lief awaits you. Old, honest "St. Jacobs
OIL has cured millions OF rheumatism
sufferers in the last half century, and
Is just as good for sciatica, neuralgia,
lumbago, backache. sprains and swell
Observation-Disclosures
Omaha daily bee., 1916-02-29
DEAR mr.. kABlBBEI
REN I1NE I CALL UP A
cENzN NoUN6 LADY W
WAIVER ANSWERS The Phone
HOW DOES ne ALWAYS Know
rTS NE CAl1hf up?
MKiBE CENTRAL DoNT llE UR
VOICE AlD S6NALS The ODD
MAN.? ~

They say" remarked the spinster
boarder. that the woman who hesltates
Is lost"
Lost is not the proper word for g."
growled the fussy old bachelor at the
pedal extremity OF the table. She's ex-
tinctlr-Indanapoli Star.
Customer-I suppose this 1908 model
here Is to show how we'll your cars last.
Auto Dealer-No: that Is Just a freak
car. 10 years old and never had a single
mortgage on it.-Judge.
You told me that II / would marry
you | should never want for anything"
"Wer?"
DO you realize that we've been mar
ried eight years and you are now seven
years and ten months behind on ordere7'
Detroit Free Press
Omaha daily bee., 1916-02-29
People and Events

Two youthful belhgerents In Connecticut deter
mined TO fight duel 10 the death with swords were
persuaded 20 shake hands and bury their thirst for
gore In frappe, The peaeemakers guessed about
right when they said there wasn't fight in barrel
Of st.
The jury system with tweleve men comes down
10 US from the time OF viking invasions of England
those people customarty divided their lands into
cantons ana each canton into twelve portions under
twelve chiefs These passed judgment the more
serious criminal and civil cases and the custom has
outIasted all the intervening centuries
Omaha daily bee., 1916-02-29
WHISTLER's BRANCH.

1 do not seek the mountains high.
So strangely made;
They are so far up in the sky
| am afraid.
To Whistler's Branch Just let me HE
Through woods and glade
Where on the bluegrass l may lie
In maple shade
And listen to the catbird's cry,
Or serenade
OF darning-needles as they fly;
Where / can wade
And swim and fish and row, near by
A small cascade.
Here trees and waters never sigh,
Nor one upbraid;
No graves of kings to droop the eve,
Nor arts decayed.
To mar vacations harmony
And Joy invade.
Omaha. WILLIS HUDSPUrH