davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Monticellonian., 1916-01-27
CLEARED UP THE MYSTERY
Diseruntled Hotel Guest Had satsfac- ton of Finding Out Where His
 Towel Had Gone.

A travelling man with headquarters in Columbus and who makes many Yil- lages in Ohio, tells the following about a small town in the southern part of the state:
 T got up one morning, and, of course there was no towel i'll my room, just because l was in hurry So had to go down to the public lava tory and wash. A jovial. fat fellow was sitting across from me at breakfast, and when he noticed my disposition, for l was sore about that towel, he said, Whats the matter. sleep well?'
 'I told him my troubles.
 Say. I've solved that problem he exclaimed. Why don't you do as do? When there's no towel in my room, I just slip into the adjoining room and take the other fellows. while he's asleep. had to do that this morning, and fortunately the door next to mine was unlocked.
 Whats the number of your room?'
 Fourteen
 Then I know where my towel went. "-Columbus Dispatch.
The Monticellonian., 1916-01-27
Tongue oftBatterfly.

Of all the marvels in which the world of insect life is so rich none is more curious and remarkable than the tongue of the butterfly.
 This is always of great length When not in use it is coied like a watch spring in a fiat spiral close to the head. But when the butterfly vis- it's the flower on which it feeds the tongue is uncoiled, the tip inserted deep in the heart of the flower and the juices sucked up.
 The butterhy's tongue really con sists of two tubes. Each of these has a concave inner face, whose edges in- terlock one with the other so as to form third central tube.
 In the butterflies we have the high est development of the insect race so far as beauty is concerned. In other respects, however. they do not hold so high a place. They are outranked in intelligence by ants, bees and wasps, in perfection of external parts and mechanical excellence of joints by beetles.
The Monticellonian., 1916-01-27
TIME FOR YOUTH TO LEAVE
Under the Circumstances 1t Surely Appeared 10 Be Plainly the
 Part of Wisdom.

They were talking about signs, to- kens. intuition and things like that at a social affair the other night. when an appropriate incident was recalled by Representative William G. Brown of West Virginia.
 One night an ardent lover called on the darling of his heart and so en- crossed was he in looking into her beautiful brown eyes that he didn't see that the happy hours were rapidly fitting away.
 Bessie" shouted large, masterful voice at the head of the stairs when the clock struck 12. you tell that pale haired, rail-faeed, knoek-kneed yap to take his hat and beat it or 1 will fam him so high that he will meet the air ships coming down."
 Percy, dear" said the fair girl, turning to the emaciated youth.
 'fYes, darling" responded Percy dear, moving step nearer the idol of his fancy, What is 1t ?"
 Something seems to tell me dear est" answered the pretty one with q sad sigh, that you had better go."
The Monticellonian., 1916-01-27
Its Real Meaning.

X train which left southern city soon after the news of the Willard Johnson fight had been received made it's first stop at a little town chiefly inhabited by negroes. A group of them sat near the little station, shoot ing craps. They asked eagerly for news of the battle, and on learning the result from the conductor a mournfuI murmur of disappointment arose. One only seemed indifferent. and inpatient ly started to resume the game His neighbor waxed indignant
 "Ain't yo' got no heart, niggah," he demanded What fo' am yo so indif- frent? Don't yo' realize de metamor- phosis dat am befallen our race. Don't yo know what it means?"
 Deed An do know what it means, deed An do know. It dun mean, nig- gah, de return ob crap shootin as de national game"
The Monticellonian., 1916-01-27
Farmers Educational m and Co-Operative
 HI Union of America

Science Is a transitory belief based on circumstantial evidence.
 Wonder if the solution of the tire problem isn't really in good roads?
 Consistency is a jewel that often times renders it's wearer ridiculous.
 Defective hearing is frequently a case of neglected tonsils or adenoids.
 Many man now wishes he had that silo he neglected to build last summer.
 Occasionally a man gets the best of it when he is looking for the worst.
 When man is unreasonable the whole world seems to be the same way
 The pipe-wrench is as handy to the farmer as pipe dream is to the poll. tician.
 A horse takes a nosebag because he knows there is nothing better con- ing up.
 Work plus work equals more work; work plus brains equals success. Which is yours?
 Folks work harder for the tinsel of eommendation than they do for the real gold Of attainment.
 Many man gets a reputation for wisdom by surrounding himself with silence at the right time.
 Give man all the praise you think him entitled to, and even then he may go off by himself and chuckle.
 Lots of men remind you of an old horse that never tries to get up any speed until it knows that it is on it's way to eat
 The man whose neighbors never did nothin fer him" is still with us. but his numbers and influence are growing less.
 What have you done to build up your community life? Answer that before you talk cooperation of a few against the many.
 Some mems idea of cooperation is to have the government hire a man to do all the work while the cooper ator basks in the sun.
 Cooperative farming in the United States this year netted more than s1.- 400 100000. Farming seems to pay almost any way you do it.
 There is so much good in the worst of us, so much bad in the best of us. that cooperation by some of us should be big enough for the rest of us.
The Monticellonian., 1916-01-27
IS TENANT MORE EFFICIENT?
One May Decide for Himself by Pe- rusing Figures Gathered by Mis-
 sour Agricultural College.

We often accuse the tenant of being soil miner, lacking in public spirit and deficient in many ways, but there is another side to the picture. accord ing to 0. R. Johnson of the University of Missouri college of agriculture. Whatever shortcomings may generally be correctly charged to the tenant are the fault of the system and not of the individual. In some ways, the tenant seems to be more efficient than the owner who farms beside him, if we can take northwestern Missouri county as a typical example. In the part of that county which was most completely studied by Mir Johnson, the tenant farms 1927 acres of land for every workman he employs. in cluding himself, as compared with only about 93.4 acres faFmed by the owners and part owners in the same region The tenant farms 29 acres for every horse that he keeps, while the owner farms only about twenty five and a half acres per horse. These facts may be interpreted in various ways. The land owner is often an older man, or he is in easier ciregm- stances financially, and does less work himself, and consequently the average number of acres per workman may be expected to be lower. He is more likely to raise colts as well as simply to work the horses so he finds it better to keep more horses to work the same number of acres of land. The tenant farms 73 acres with Sl00 worth of equipment, and the owner farms only about fifty-iiye acres. show ing greater apparent difference in efficiency here than elsewhere. but there are probably more reasons to doubt whether these figures correctly show the real difference in efficiency. While the tenant farms more than one and a third times as much land with st00 worth of equipment. it is probable that he does this because he borrows a part of the equipment of neighboring land-oWning farmer. The figures on work obtained frem the horses and men employed are not open to this criticism as such help bor- rowed is usually repaid. Wherever there is an exchange of tools which enables each to use the others prop erty and avoid buying for himself, cooperation has resulted in more ef- ficient use of the funds of both. but MT Johnson feels sure. from his ob- servations during the survey, that the tenant in the region studied was very badly under-equipped and would not have got greater results with low CT expenditure for machinery if he had not obtained an advantage by bor- rowing.
 The crops grown must also be con sidered in connection with these fig ures on the number of acres farmed, per horse, and per man used. The average tenant had about one.third of the farm in corn as compared with one-ftfth of the owners, and one-sev- enth in wheat as compared with one twelfth of the owners. and the own CT had almost half of his farm in grass as compared with only one-fourth of the tenants farm.
The Monticellonian., 1916-01-27
RUN DOWN
 IN HEALTH
Couldn't Sleep Four and Five Nights at a Time, and
 Couldn't Sit Up.

Asheville, N C.-Mrs. Della Buck. ner, of K. F. D. 5, this place, writes Last winter I got so very bad off and so terribly rundown in health that was worried about myself. l had great weakness, back and headache, -. and suffered terrible pains in my abdo- men,. I could not sleep four and five nights at a time and couldn't sit up. l was almost at deaths door Dr. said he didn't think I'd be strong again unless should have the operation.
 "One of my neighbors suggested my taking Cardui and after taking the first bottle l was better. After the second, was able to do my washing, though had not been before, and was getting along fine all winter, in better health and felt better than l had for six years, and had taken five or six bottles and was well woman. ..
 Its the best medicine that was ever made for women tell my neighbors about it and they try it. and when they do, they all acknowledge that it does them more good than anything"
 If you suffer from any of the all ments so common to women, try Cardui. the woman's tonic. For sale by all druggists.
The Monticellonian., 1916-01-27
Careful Kiss Defined,

Added to the 1,057 varieties of kisses that have emphatically punctuated- descriptively-divo suits, we have q new one. This is the careful" kiss. So important is the woman who in- vented it, that she made it the second item of her ten commandments Thou shalt be a careful kisser" is this sec ond commandment in full In expand ing upon the merits of the careful" kiss. the lady says the careful" means just what it says In other words, when you come together, in catch-as- catch-can. you are to use your imagina- tion and powers of penetrative an alysis. Thus you have the interpreta- ton of just what Careful" kiss is.
The Monticellonian., 1916-01-27
RAISE MORE MEAT ANIMALS
Only in Recent Years That Farmers Have Been Given Any Encour,
 agement to Raise Cattle.

Farmers are being leetured a good deal about raising more meat animals, particularly cattle. The fact is that only in recent years have they had any encouragement to raise more cat tie.
 The competitors on the range had free land and feed-two mighty ad- vantages. And now, when the com petition of free land is passing away. our farmers are asked to compete with the cheap land, feed and labor Of the rest of the world It was not strange that farm beef production de- clined under the old range competi- tion. It is not strange that It in- creases slowly under the shadow of foreign competition
 When farmers see before them the prospect of steadily profitable beef production they will take it up again. And until they see this the packers, the newspapers, the department of az riculture and all others who want farmers to raise more cattle so that beef may be cheaper will fret in vain.
The Monticellonian., 1916-01-27

spoonful and if 1t doesn't straighten you right up and make you feel fine and vigorous I want you to go back to the store and get your money. Dod- sons Liver Tone Is destroying the sale of calomel because 1t Is real liver medicine; entirely vegetable, therefore 1t cannot salivate or make you sick.
 l guarantee that one spoonful of Dodson's Liver Tone will put your sluggish liver to work and clean your bowels of that sour bile and consti- pated waste which Is clogging your system and making you feel miserable. 1 guarantee that a bottle of Dodson's Liver Tone will keep your entire fam fly feeling fine for months. Give it to your children. It is harmless; doesn't gripe and they like its pleasant taste.
The Monticellonian., 1916-01-27

eaten. and even from some vegetables. The poor kidneys get tired and back ache begins This is a good time to take "Anuric." the new discovery of Dr. Pierce for Kidney trouble and Back ache Neglected kidney trouble Is responsible for many deaths, and In. surance Company examining doctors always test the water of an applicant before a policy will be issued. Have you ever set aside a bottle of water for twenty-four hours? A heavy sedi- ment or settling sometimes indicates kidney trouble. If you wish to know your condition send sample of your water to Dr P1erce's Invalids' Hotel. Buffalo. N. Y. and describe symptoms. It will be examined without any ex- pense to you, and Dr. Pierce or his medical staff will inform you truthfully. Anurie Is now for sale by dealers, in 50c pck'gs.
The Monticellonian., 1916-01-27
ONE MAY BEAT 4 DONKEY
It Is the Will of God" Says an East ern Legend, Reported by
 Traveller.

In his article on his journey to Baby Ion. in Harper's. William Warfield told a legend prevailing among the natives by which they justify beating of don keys but not horses.
 We stopped to change our mules In the roadway before the khan sat a group of Arabs. A servant supplied them with little cups of tea from q rude samovar. We saluted them. and taking our places in the circle, we were served in turn. Someone in the dark doorway was humping away on a drum. A boy came out of the khan beating u poor lame donkey covered with fy-infested sores. l turned to one of my neighbours:
 /" Is it not cruel for that boy to beat a lame ass in that way
 :" 'Effendim. it is the will of God'
 :" But you do not allow horses or camels to be beaten thus
 Effendfm. the donkey is not like the horse, nor yet is he like the camel. The reason is this: Upon a certain day the donkeys went before Allah and complained that they were grievously beaten by men, so that life was greater burden than they could bear. Then said Allah: T cannot make men cease from beating you It is no sin, neither does it cause them any great loss. But 1 will help you. will give you so thick hide that however much you are beaten you shall not suffer"
 So,' said my informant. it is of no consequence if men beat an ass. So thick skin did Allah give him that after he dies men use it in the making of drums. and the donkey continues to be beaten after death. -
The Monticellonian., 1916-01-27
IN FORMING A COOPERATION
Include All of Products of Neighbor. hood and Admit All Interested
 Persons to Membership.

In building a cooperation in any community 1t may be necessary to take the most important product as a cornerstone, but why not eventually include all of the products of that neighborhood, and admit to member ship any man having an interest in those products? The strongest men in any neighborhood can organi~ a creamery or grain elevator. Why not include both where both are needed? If you include any man in the neighborhood who is willing to live up to the rules. you are no better than the system which you are trying to supplant.
The Monticellonian., 1916-01-27
MUST WORK FOR EACH OTHER
City Merchant and Farmer Should Never Lose Sight of Their Mu-
 tual Interests and Rights.

The merchant needs the farmer No merchant will refuse to go far to en- list the interest of the man from the farm in his own town. On the other hand the farmer needs the home town. Without the nearby town farm values would be much lower and in every way life on the farm less attractive. Without the market at hand the price of produce would be cut in two and the profits of farming greatly lessened. lose sight of their mutual interests and rights. Neither could prosper without the other and both must make concessions to the wishes of the other.
The Monticellonian., 1916-01-27
One He Couldn't Cash.

Hello. old mani" exclaimed the horse reporter, as his friend, the hu. morist, stepped out of the elevator You're looking rather glum this morning Whats the joke?"
 It's no joke" answered the man of mirth. Just received check from the big chief"
 Why, I'd think that would cause you to rejoice" said the equine au- thority.
 Not when the check is made with q blue pencil" was the mournful re- ply.
The Monticellonian., 1916-01-27
CALOMEL WHEN BILIOUS? NO! STOP
 ACTS LIKE DYNAMITE ON LIVER
Guarantee DodSons Liver Tone Will Give You the Best Liver
 and Bowel Cleansing You Ever Had-Doesnt Make You Sick!

Stop using calomel! It makes you sick. Don't lose a days work. If you feel lazy. sluggish. bilious or consti- pated. listen to me!
 Calomel Is mercury or quicksilver which causes necrosis of the bones. Calomel. when it comes into contact with sour bile, crashes into 1t. breaking 1t up. This is when you feel that aw- full nausea and cramping. If you feel .24 knocked out" If your liver Is tor pid and bowels constipated or you have headache. dizziness, coated tongue. if breath is bad or stomach sour just try a spoonful of harmless Dodson's Liver Tone.
 Here's my guarantee-Go to any drug store or dealer and get a 5e-cent bottle of Dodson's Liver Tone. Take a
 South Africa Is expected to become one Of the great beef-produeing coun- tries of the world.
The Monticellonian., 1916-01-27
RECIPE FOR GRAY HAIR

To half pint of water add 1 oz. Bay Rum, a small box of Barbo Compound. and oz. of glycerine. Apply to the hair twice a week until 1t becomes the desired shade. Any drug gist can put this up or you can mix 1t at home at very little cost. It will gradually darken streaked, faded gray hair and re- moves daudrun. It is excellent for falling hair and will make harsh hair soft and glossy. 1t will not color the scalp. Is not sticky or greasy, and does not rub of -Ady.
The Monticellonian., 1916-01-27
THE NEWEST REMEDY FOR BACkACHE, RHEUMATISM AND DROPSY

Kidney, Bladder and Uric Acid trou- bles bring misery to many. When the kidneys are weak or diseased. these natural filters do not cleanse the blood sufficiently. and the poisons are carried to all parts of the body. There follow depression, aches and pains, heaviness, drowsiness. irrita- bility. headaches, ehilliness and rheu- matism. In some people there are sharp pains in the back and loins. distressing bladder disorders and sometimes obsti- nate dropsy. The uric acid sometimes forms into gravel or kidney stones. When the uric acid affects the muscles and joints it causes lumbago, rheuma. tism gout or sciatica. This is the time to send Dr. Pierce. Inyaids' Hotel, Buffalo. N. Y. 10c for large trial pack. age of "Anurie."
 During digestion uric acid is ab- sorbed into the system from meat
The Monticellonian., 1916-01-27
Plan for Next Year

The time to begin for next years plans is now. The sooner plans are made the easier 1t will be to work them. No successful business man waits till the business season to make plans. Plans are made some time be- fore the business season arrives. In fast. difficulties are anticipated if pos sible so they will not interfere with plans.
The Monticellonian., 1916-01-27
Who Owned the Train ?

Passenger (to colored porter)-Ex- cuse me, but please tell me when the breakfast car opens
 Colored Porter-Weve just had our coffee aud rolls, so it's all ready for the guests now.-Judge.
The Monticellonian., 1916-01-27
Eaos Absorb Odors,

A fresh egg will absorb odors as readily as fresh milk Mustiness or moldy growth in egg cases or filters will taint the egg and lower it's qual- ity.
The Monticellonian., 1916-01-27
STOP THAT HACKING COUCH.

Mansfield tformerly Hungarian) 3Cough Balsam heals Ahe inflamed and iaeerated membranes and quiets the tickling nerves that lie underneath the portions. Invaluable for ba. bNs. Price 25c and 50c.-Adv.
The Monticellonian., 1916-01-27
 Settino Her Rioht,

"I do wish you would quit dabbling in politics, said Mrs. Twobble, fret fully
 My dear" answered Mir. Twobble. in his most dignitied manner. q would have you understand that I don't dab be in politics
 "No?"
 When a man is up to his neck in anything he may splash. but he never dabbles." /"
The Monticellonian., 1916-01-27
Difference In Lean Cows.

Buying COW that Is poor from bad feeding and neglect Is one thing Buy ing one that Is naturally of the lean dairy type is quite another.
The Monticellonian., 1916-01-27
A NEGLECTED COLD

fore it is too late take Laxative Quini- dine Tablets. Gives prompt relief in cases of Coughs. Colds, La Grippe and Headache Price 25c.-Adv.
The Monticellonian., 1916-01-27

When a husband and wife are both of one mf1d, it isn't difficult task to figure out which originally owned the mind
The Monticellonian., 1916-01-27

Smile, smile, beautiful clear white clothes. Red rCross Ball Blue, American made, thersfype best. All groeers. Adv.
The Monticellonian., 1916-01-27
SCANDAL QUICK TO SPREAD
tiowit Comes That Indianapolis Lady V UnjustIy Accused of Smok-
 ', ing Cob Pipe.

Quite fnumber of Indianapolis peo. lShave cottages in Brown county, to which they go to spend the weekend. Among these are Mir. and Mrs. H., who have a eozy log house on a hill side near Nashville Mr H. is fond <6 pipe, particularly of cob pipe. he other day. having mislaid or lost his solace of his resting hours, he AAsed his boy-of-all-work and said: Josh, V to the grocery and get me a cob pipe.ssMe ell, get. two while you're at it and pick out good ones"
 As Josh came out of the grocery with the pipes in his hand, he was hailed by group of acquaintances: "Hello, Josh, where did you get them pfp(s?"
 Nr. H. sent me fur 'em."
 lent y fur two"
 Xep."
 Nell, one of 'em mus be fer the mi9us. Dinged if l knew before that shG&moked
 d now the news is abroad in the BrNn county hills that Mrs. H. sme<es cob pipe.-Indianapolis New.
The Monticellonian., 1916-01-27
Stop scratching! Resinol relieves itching instantly

That itching, burning skin-trouble which keeps you scratching and digging, is source of disgust to others, as we'll as of torment to you. Why don't you get rid of it by using Resinol Ointment Physicians have prescribed it for over 20 years. In most cases, it stops itching instantly and heals eruptions promptly. It is very easy and economical 10 use.
The Monticellonian., 1916-01-27

The best-fed army in the world is the American, while the Japs eat the least and the Russians the most
The Monticellonian., 1916-01-27

Dr. Pierce's Pellets are best for liver bowels and stomach. One little Pellet for a laxative-three for cathartic.-Adv.
The Monticellonian., 1916-01-27

History repeats itself with the ex- ception of your private history. which Is repeated by the neighbor.
The Monticellonian., 1916-01-27

Beautiful, clear white clothes delights the laundress who uses Red Cross Ball Blue. All grocers. Adv.-s
The Monticellonian., 1916-01-27
Way to Market Cnrn

The best way to market corn is to first put it through the silo and then sell It in the shape of fat animals
The Monticellonian., 1916-01-27
Three Catholic bishops are serving as privates in the French army

Cutting Winds and Dust. It Restores Refreshes and Promotes Eye Health Good for all Eyes that Need Care Murine Eye Remedy Co.,. Chicago Sends Eye Book on request.
The Monticellonian., 1916-01-27

/ Since the Chinese monarchy is re-es- tablished, the emperor receives an annual allowance of SIP, ,000.
The Monticellonian., 1916-01-27
Average Life of Flow.

The average life of the ordinary walking blow is a little less than F years.
The Monticellonian., 1916-01-27
Value of MiIlef Hax

Much of the value of millet hay de- bends on the time of cutting. which should be soon after blossominG.
The Monticellonian., 1916-01-27

All bachelors in Germany are now being taxed according to their in- comes.
The Monticellonian., 1916-01-27

The reason worthless mans wife is energetic is that she has to be ener- getic.
The Monticellonian., 1916-01-27

When a wife wants pin money her husband is compelled to come to the scratch
The Monticellonian., 1916-01-27

Men i'll Switzerland are liable to military service from the age of twen- ty to that of thirty-two, if physically fit.
The Monticellonian., 1916-01-27

California's mining properties last year numbered 65S, of which PIT are gold mines