davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Detroit times., 1916-09-09
Man Ridiculous
~ Or. FRANZ CRANE
Copyright. 1915. by Frank Crane)


Man." said Old Hi Gardner, as he sat
down on an appended cracker-boX and
pulled at his pipe, Man." he observed as
he blew smoke upward and gazed after it
IN deep thought MAN is jiss plumb ri
diculous. That's what he is"
How"
"Everyways. jiss bin settin here
thinkin'. An the more think about the
human bein' the ornier and gosh-awfuller
he seems.
There's his nose, fer instance. The
ldee of stickin' three-cornered piece o.
grissle right in the middle of his face!
Couldn't they made a smellin appa-
ratus and put ii somewheres around un-
der his jaw or in his mouth or some
place? Every time | see a nose | haf TO
laugh.
Then there's ears. Why do we haf
to have two things floppn' at the sides
of our head. jiss TO hear with? They
could left the place smooth, and putt
some sore o hearin' bone or membrane
there that wouldn't looked so ALFRED.
an wouldn't fritz when it gifts cold"
you wouldn't criticize the Creator
would 20. HIP"
Il hain't criticism I'm jiss appreciat-
in. I'm seem the joke | tell you man
was made jiss for fun, an I'm about the
only Teller that's GOT sense enougb 70
laugh. You al! take it too serious.
eat with, Always breok;r, of foIIin.
out. achin'. gettin' liberated and carry.
in on till Won hain't cot no noace
Why teeth. ANYHOW Wbv couIdn't
it q been arranoed Sos ya could mach
our grub mn with orr hand or s,ror.n
md swa,ler il Same as r,odic;no9 TIT
are sure funny
YES >"
eyes and tho, ,boro.s f,u,.,. 90.
Nobody air,t o., 40 nar,;.,,.n 49, - g,
toes cen 80 s,uh 80 - 80 49,. ,V'
when no taLes hi r., az -. =
some Good couso ,bar,ro nnt. -. 20
can uso ,oro pn, 80. =. -. ' ,...'
-oot yo, hos :, ~. "
q koa, on, shot ,,u :, 1T. g.. -.
Z cu.tir, on, IN - 81 -, -.
y tho snow GO no. ,no,, 49, 49, 49,. ~
:;i,lo r,i.sha,,.a -, n 80 jos,
Iloss G,,,rars H.. 80, -. =. ,,1P
Iotbin' win
AN why do wo bor % oo.o r..
here aatin' is m ororlo.,;,, -. ''''
,r,.lo,,.o
The Detroit times., 1916-09-09
Billy" Sunday Comes to
Make Detroit a Better City;
Come On, You BILLY" Sunday.

AND now comes Billy Sunday.
And now you are going to hear from a
I: lot of cusses that they don't believe in
Billy" and don't believe in that way Of
converting sinners, at all.
1t is probably just as well to spot these
critics right off the bat.
We don't mean the sincere ones.
Well tell you about them later on.
We mean the critics who are serving.
merely, as mouthpieces for interests that
don't dare come into the open so that
people will know just who they are and
what their particular selfish. devilish
interest is in knocking Billy"
We would remind these interests and
the mouthpieces they have serving them,
that if they don't like "Billys" style.
they don't have to go hear him, and that
they hadn't better go anyway, because
BILLY would be likely TO convert them
BY the very methods they are condemn
ing with their overworked bazoos.
1t can be submitted for both the four
flushing critics and those critics whom We
\ know TO be sincere, only mistaken. that
these methods Of "Bily's" in converting
sinners, don't have to rely on the APP
proval of ANYBODY, hereabouts.
II they happen to prove acceptable in
the sight Of God, and it's dollars to
doughnuts they do the rest of US ought
to be satisfied.
by their fruits we shall know them"
That's what the Bible says, and in this
case the Bible is Hoyle.
Billy Sundays sincere critics aren't
to be condemned for anything except that
they refuse to get their eyes open.
The Sunday style is what you'd call
preachin' reform, and we all know that
there never yet was reform that wasn't
opposed at first by the standpatters.
Everything that has been done and
everything that has been accomplished in
the world in the shape of reform and
progress, whether religious, social, pola-
cal or economic, has been done in SPITE
of doubling Thomases hailing from Mis-
souri,
The money changers didn't approve of
1t when they were made to beat it from
the temple by Jesus Christ, and they had
many sympathizers. the majority of
whom didn't like Jesus Christ, princi-
pally because he was a reformer.
The Pharisies were the original stand
patters
Fifteen years ago if man was heard
declaring in Detroit in favor of municipal
ownership he was put down as a Socialist
or an Anarchist who ought to be jugged
for safe keeping and for protection Of
the community, but few years later the
people of Detroit piled up whopping big
majority in favor of Detroit owning and
operating her street railways.
Billy Sundays way is different. and
1t is going to take some time before
these sincere critics will be able TO stom.
ach him. but they will come to il. and
q they'll come to it before he leaves De-
troit.
See if they don't
The Detroit times., 1916-09-09

Now, here is the big idea with regard
to the coming of Billy" Sunday.
He is coming TO make this better city.
and God knows there couldn't have been
picked better time
The town is rotten.
The politicians have promised to clean
up the mess, while we have been going
from bad TO worse and from worse TO
Marx, and they haven't done it,
The church has proven unequal TO the
task. which may not be putting il fairly
The Detroit times., 1916-09-09

DO you know that working people
lose millions 90 dollars each year
The log cabin Democrat., 1916-04-12
President Has Done We'll.

In the presence of the greatest of all wars, which appeals strongly to di. vided American sentiments, and which strikes deeply at American interests at thousand points. the president has preserved the honor of the nation has in its behalf performed his duty to mankind of insisting upon the pres. ervation of thc sanctions and re- straints of international law, and has so far achieved important diplomatic victories without the threat of force. but in a manner that leaves neither America nor Europe in doubt that he would use force if diplomacy should fail
 At the opening ct a presidential campaign the Republicans will, of course, loudly deny all these things. but they are true, and in ten years no one will dispute them-Philadelph Record.
The log cabin Democrat., 1916-04-12
N-0 -O= O=0 o-l
Feeding Stick.

ashes and box elders. The winged fruits of these trees are opened and the seeds eaten by pine and evening grosbeaks, the visits of these birds being largely regulated by the supply of this kind of food. Larches, pines, and other conifers are attractive to crossbills as well as to some of the species just mentioned.
 Birds devour cultivated fruit prin- cipally because the processes of culti- vation diminish the wild supply. The presence of wild fruit in a locality always serves to protect domestic va rieties, especially when the wild trees or shrubs are of the same kind as the cultivated ones and ripen earlier. The following shrubs may be planted for the use of the birds for the pro lection of cultivated fruits:
 Wild strawberry, wild blackberry, wild pepper, red and white mulberry, Juneberry, wild red, Japanese, Sar. gent and Mahaleb cherry, fly honey
The log cabin Democrat., 1916-04-12
How to Know Cotton Goods.

An excellent way to increase ones knowledge of cottons is to obtain sam- pies of first class materials in the standard weaves and study them Bea- trice Denison writes in Good House. keeping. All large retail dry goods stores maintain an efficient staff of clerks to attend to requests for sam ples and welcome the opportunity to acquaint the public with their wares By comparing these guaranteed goods with samples from cheap, less reliable shops, the student of fabrics will add very definitely to her knowledge. In experimenting with different grades of the same kind of material, in closely observing the feeling of weight, firm ness, softness, smoothness, elasticity harshness and stiffness, host of in teresting and delicate differences will be perceived.
The log cabin Democrat., 1916-04-12

The dissatisfaction of the railroad companies in the United States with the payments made to them by the government for mail haulage, is as nothing compared to the attitude of the British railroad companies. The British post office department discov- cred that for short haulage. up to about 125 miles, the motor truck or tractor is far cheaper and better than the railway. For this reason the great bull: of British mail transfer over dis tances within l25 miles is now made with trucks.
The log cabin Democrat., 1916-04-12
Smallest of Republics.

Nestled within the confines of a square mile in the Pyrenees, the lilli- putian republic of Goust, smaller even than the republics of Andorra or San Marine, has had its independence rec ognized by France and Spain for the past three centuries. It has, says the New York Sun. a population of about l50. The people are ruled by coun- Gil of elders, and they pay no taxes or duties of any sort.
 This civic unit is so tiny that 1t has to go abroad for it's cure of soul and body. For these, 1t has to go to Laurent. the nearest French town Even the dead must leave Goust to find consecrated ground in which to lie; the collins are slid downhill, out of the smallest republic in the world
The log cabin Democrat., 1916-04-12
0ow fe:Akfract 9irasj to OUT Aomes

duce good crops of seeds. The height and stiffness of stalk of varieties of sorghum should make these abundant seeders valuable in winter. Japanese millet holds its seeds well, and, if planted thickly where it can grow up through a horizontal lattice work
 makes valuable cover and feeding place for winter birds. Canary grass and various species of Pennsetum also are good for seed-eating birds.
 Alders and birches bear in their numerous cones supply of seeds which are eagerly sought for by red polls, siskins and goldfinches during the winter. We can cater to still another group of birds by planting
The log cabin Democrat., 1916-04-12
IS N0T CONVINCING
Country Will Not Approve of
 Roots Program.
Criticism of President Wilson's AttI. tuoe During the Tremendous Up- heaval in Europe Must Be
 Said to Lack Sincerity

From the lofty vantage ground of hindsight, MT. Root declares that Pres. ident Wilson has made mistakes in dealing with foreign complications. That is extremely probable-the Jour- nal pointed out one such mistake and the way to retrieve 1t only Q few days ago.
 This war has surprised everyone and upset all calculations. Germany, which had the advantage of the initiative, made three tremendoyS errors at the very start: She thought that Bel glum would not resist, that England would not come into the war, that France could not stem the torrent poured upon her. England has made so many blunders that it is useless to enumerate them; Russia has tripped again and again; even France, though sanest and most clear sighted of all the combatants, has erred many times In the simple business of fighting.
 Why, then, should we expect to be hawless in the mucA more complicated task of maintaining neutral rights without ceasing to be neutral?
 MT. Roots program of what should have been done" makes it clear that II he had guided the destinies of the nation, we should have been at war with Germany long ago. He would have protested against the violation Of Belgium, but without going to war on that point. Such a course would nave been equivalent to serving no- tice on Germany that we hated her but would not fight her-a fine way, truly, of persuading her to respect our wishes. He would have backed the Lusitania protests with action" Tho only possible action is the use of force, and force means war.
 MT. Root would be more candid and more convincing-if he omitted entirely his lip service to peace, and declared boldly that this nation ought now to be at war with Germany and Austria.-Chicago Journal.
The log cabin Democrat., 1916-04-12

suckle, red berried elder, silky-leaved pear and crabapple.
 Although considerable number of our native birds build their nests on the ground, the majority place them in trees or shrubs, either in holes or on the limbs or in crotches. Shrub bery and trees for nesting sites, there. fore, are essential for making a place attractive to birds, and a double pur- pose is served if the kinds planted are chosen from the list of fruit-bear- ing species already given. Shrubs should be allowed to form thickets and should be pruned back severely when young so as to produce numer- ous crotches.
 The most common errors in putting out bird houses are choosing poor locations and supplying too many boxes. A bird house in bald glaring location is not nearly so likely to at tract tenants as one in a partially shaded place, martins, only, prefer a house standing apart from trees. Entrances to boxes should be shel.
The log cabin Democrat., 1916-04-12

like shocks of corn or grain sheaves under which food may be scattered. The opening should be to the south.
 Those who desire to have birds about their homes should not feel that their power to attract them is gone when winter is over. Winter feeding easily passes into summer feeding, and experience proves that some birds gladly avail themselves throughout the year of this easy mode of getting a living.
 We have thus far considered ways Of feeding birds titbits we ourselves have gleaned. We may feed them by another method, by cultivating their natural food plants and allowing them to reap the harvest in their own way.
 Less has been done in this respect for the true seed-eating birds than for those fond of pulpy fruits. The req son in obvious, however. Our seed eating birds largely patronize weeds. which we do not wish to cultivate while the fruit eaters depend upon many plants which we hold in such esteem for their ornamental value that they are generally cultivated.
 Something can be done to attract the seed eaters about our homes. however. A number of commonly cultivated plants, belonging to the same groups as those upon which the birds feed extensively in nature, pro-
The log cabin Democrat., 1916-04-12

broods in a season. Bird food may b. supplied in two ways-by planting trees, shrubs and herbs which pro- duce seeds or fruits relished by birds, and by exposing food in artificial de- vices. The most familiar phase of the latter method is winter feeding.
 During the season when the natural food supply is at it's lowest ebb birds respond most readily to our hospital ity Winter feeding has become very popular, and the result has been to bring about better understanding be- tween birds and human kind
 The winter foods commonly used include suet or other fat, pork rinds, bones with shreds of meat, cooked meats, worms, cut up apples, bird seed buckwheat, crackers, crumbs, cocoanut meat, cracked corn, broken dog biscuits or other bread, hemp seed, millet, nut meats of all kinds (especially peanuts), whole or rolled oats. peppers, popcorn, pumpkin or
The log cabin Democrat., 1916-04-12
Forecast by Hjlles.

On the eve of the meeting of the Republican national convention Char. man Charles D. Hilles gave out a statement in which he predicted a Republican victory. AS a forecaster. the Honorable Charles is without a peer and if prognosticating were the sum total of the national chairman's duties, he would be the ideal man for the job, Unfortunately. however, the retrospective is not so pleasant, as MT Taft, surveying taithfulunto- death Utah and Vermont. can testify.
The log cabin Democrat., 1916-04-12
TAKEN FROM EXCHANGES

The price of sugar was recently in creased 25 per cent in Hungary.
 The army of Monaco. though small. was resplendent during peace times. but now that war is under way 1t has been dissolved because the profession al soldiers who composed it have all been called home and are fighting un- der the French or Italian colors, ae the case may be, or drawn up in the Swiss contingent guarding the from tier.
The log cabin Democrat., 1916-04-12
Germany's Protective System.

The American Protective Tariff league, through the American Econo- mists Washington correspondent, cleverly turns the tables on the Tariff Commission league, which has just is- sued pamphlet asserting that the strongest argument in it's campaign for permanent nonpartisan tariff commission is the fact that Germany has a permanent nonpartisan tariff commission which brought that coun- try to the high standard of ficiency in competitive ability which it en- loved at the outbreak of the war. The Tariff league shows that Germany's tariff was made not by a nonpartisan tariff commission but by body which was composed almost entirely of pro- tectionists, in which manufacturers and land owners were in a large ma 1ority. Germany wanted an adequate. ly protective tariff and she got it at the hands of this protective commits sion. She has that tariff yet" says the American Economist, and will shove 1t up higher after this big war is over"
 It is becoming clearer each day that the tariff commission idea cannot DOS sibly prevail President Wilson has declared against it on the one hand. and he is supposed to very fairly rep resent the Democratic party. and the Tariff league is opposed to it on the other hand, and it voices the views of a large majority of those who will sit representing the Republican party in this congress. as in the next.
The log cabin Democrat., 1916-04-12
MEN AND MATTERS

Royalties in the German army can. not wear multi without the permis- sion of the kaiser
 It Is said that President Wilson has great faith in dreams as revelations of future events.
 The Duke of Devonshire is one of the best judges of green crops in Eng. land.
 Great philosophers and statesmen have been noticed to have large and sloping eara.
The log cabin Democrat., 1916-04-12
Does Not Seem Like Rujn

Is it as an expression of confidence in the ruin of the industry to follow the war under free wool and a low tariff on woolens that the American wooden trust begins to pay dividends for the first time on its common stock?
The log cabin Democrat., 1916-04-12

point about a building or strung upon wire or other support on which it may be run back and forth
 The last device is useful in accustom- ing birds to feed nearer and nearer comfortable observation point. A fault with food shelves is that wind and rain may sweep them clean and snow may cover the food. These de-
The log cabin Democrat., 1916-04-12
Subordinated Euo,

Are you afraid of war;" sneered the aggressive citizen. Mo-" replied the cautious person. But don't think it's up to me to try to subject a whole lot of people to wars inconveni- ences just to show that I'm not afraid of it."
The log cabin Democrat., 1916-04-12


 clatlon of the usefulness of birds as insect destroyers. The increase of in- terest in wild birds throughout the united States during the past decade has been phenomenal, and organiza- uons having for their chief object the care and protection of birds are num- bered by hundreds, if not thousands. Clv1c leagues and womens clubs have been especially active in attempts to attract birds to city parks and suburbs. with view to bringing wild life to the doors of those denied the priv 1lege of knowing it in wilder districts. Food supply is the vital factor in bird life and the most important single offering we can make in our efforts to attract birds It is impor- tant to note that an ample supply of food prior to and during the nesting season tends to increase the number Of eggs laid and also the number of
The log cabin Democrat., 1916-04-12

flower seeds, and wheat.
 The methods of making these sup plies available to birds are as varied as the dietary itself A device very commonly used is the food tray or shelf. This may be put on tree or pole, by a window or at some other
The log cabin Democrat., 1916-04-12

tered by projecting roofs and should face away from the prevailing wind and rain storms.
 If we would protect ground-nesting birds, as bobolinks, meadow larks and bobwhites, grass in the nesting fields must not be cut during the breeding season.
The log cabin Democrat., 1916-04-12
Food Hopper With Detachable Roof.

fleets may be obviated in part by add ing raised ledge about the margin or by placing the shelf in the shelter of wall or shielding it with ever green branches on one or more sides.
 Feeding devices not affected by the weather are preferable. An excellent one is cocoanut with a hole bored in one end. The cavity is filled with chopped suet and nuts or other food mixture, and the nut is suspended by wire from limb. The size of the hole regulates the character of the guests; If small, large birds cannot gobble the supply, and the cocoanut meat as well as the stufflng is eaten. Cans with small openings may be substituted for cocoanuts. Food bas- kets of any desired size made of wire netting or metal grating may be hung up or fastened to the trunk of tree. Food mixtures in melted fat may be poured into holes made in branch or piece of timber or in cracks of bark or over evergreen branches All of these devices minimize or ob- viate the disturbing effects of stormy weather.
 Game birds and sparrows may be provided with feeding places by erect ing low hutches or making wigwam-
The log cabin Democrat., 1916-04-12
By w. L. M'ATEE,

By w. L. M'ATEE.
 lRD lovers throughout the land are seeking ways and means of increasing the number of birds and of at tracing them to the vicin- 1ty of homes. While the basis for this movement is in part esthetic, to no small degree such efforts are hacod o,, .
Mountain advocate., 1916-03-10

Having received most Of his educa.
ton In Dublin university, Bourke
spoke the psrest English known, or
could when so minded, while his facile
Irish tongue had caught the trick Of
an accent which passed unchallenged
on the boulevsrds. He had an alert
eye for pretty women, heart as big
as all outdoors, no scruples worth men.
tioning, a secret sorrow, and a pet SUI
perstitioa.
The hue Of his hair, q clamorous
red, was the spring OF his secret sor-
row. BY that token he was marked
man.
His pet superstition was that as
long as he refrHned from practicing
his profession m Paris, Paris would
stand toward him as an impregnable
tower Of refuge. The world owed
Bourke living, or he so considered.
but Parts was tay-exempt as long as
Paris let him alone.
Not only did Paris suit his tastes
exeeNently, but there was no place in
Troyon9 for peace and quiet. Hence
his visits were unpunctuated by trials
OF rival hostelries, and Troyon's was
always expecting Bourke for the
simple reason that he invariably ar.
rived Unexpectedly, with neither warn
ing nor ostentation, stopped as long as
he lioed. whether day or a week or
q month, and departed in the same
manner
HIS daily routine, as Troyon's came
10 know IL, varied but slightly-he
bNAekfasted abed. about half after ten.
dinsd early ana well. but always alone
and shortly afterward departed by
cab for some well.known bar on the
Rive Droite: and the hour of his re-
turn remained q secret between him.
self and the concierge.
On retiring pourke would empty his
poehets upon the dressing table,
where tbs hoy. Marcel, bringing up
Bourhe's petit dsjeuner me next morn
ing. would see displayed a tempting
confusion OF gold and silver aud cop
per. win q wad of banknotss, and tho
customary assortment OF personal
hardware.
Now inasmuch as Bourke was never
vide awake at that hour. and always.
ase4 seknswlslsins AGssl'p hen,
IDIHmok anmk - lIcry