davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Topeka state journal., 1916-12-25
DINNER STORIES

The taxi swayed and narrowly
missed a policeman, then swerved
again as it dashed past another taxi,
and in so doing just escaped collision
with a lamp post.
please be careful" pleaded the
lady occupant of the cab. This is the
first time L have ever ridden in
taxi"
Madame, you have my sympathy"
gasped the driver. This is the first
time I ever drove one"
Jack, who was a sailor, had one
day been painting some railings, and
had put under it, "Whet Paynte"
A friend of his coming along, and
knowing that Jack was by no means
good scholar, thought to take the
rise out of him, and said:
You don't spell it that way, Jack"
But Jack answered him thus: We'll,
shure, don't L know it; only, you see,
if | spelt it right nobody would notice
it,"
Ephriam got intotroub1e in Waco
county and beat the sheriff over the
line by three jumps. He migrated to
a distant part of the state, and seek
ing livelihood. turned to preaching
He prospered in the new community,
Which knew nothing of his past in
Waco. Then. one night at camp meet
ing, Ephraim looked from the plat
form into the eyes of u man in a front
row. The new arrival was not
starnger. He was from Waco county
Ephralm led thru the singing and then
the time for the preaching came. He
mopped his brow and began: Bred
rem, All was goin' to preach dis evenin'
on tex out er de OF Testament. But
it's done put in nah min to change.
An dis is de tex now from Romans
he pointed at the starnger with a
meaning finger" Eff you know me,
doan' say nuthin', and Ah'll see yo'
afterwa rdi' -
The Topeka state journal., 1916-12-25
Belligerent Kansas.

The Chicago Tribune of December
IS. says:
Kansas, which helped defeat
Hughes, elected Arthur, Capper, Re
publican, governor. Capper is a paci-
fist. He has plastered his state with
the mush and nolasses of sentiment
talism.
Capper went to Washington to at
tend the governors conference. His
contribution to the school of thought
was the suggestion that the United
states demand peace in Europe, and.
If the nations would not listen to rea-
son, compel them to abandon their
wickedness.
We may not fairly perceive the pur-
pose of Mr.. Capper, but his idea seems
to be that the United States should
undertake to whip the best armies in
the world, all of them, and all at
once Come out of the trenches and
go home decently to our families or
we'll come over and make you
There's Kansas turbulence for YOU.
Kansas is provoked by the war, and if
the disturbers do not become orderly
Kansas will take little exercise with
the dumbbells and step out and attend
to the matter
What chiefly recommends the paci-
fist is the intelligent process of mind.
Mr.. Capper has led a state to an i'm
portant decision He is Influencing
opinion, and that opinion is having its
effect upon American action The
consequences of American acts NAV be
felt by this or another generation
Such men as Capper, consulting
merely their emotions, oppose rational
procedure and suggest the absurd
This is malignant sort of egotism
destructive of the common sense of
the.people influenced by it.
The further west seems to have had
more than its share of this sort Of
thing. We are glad that the man who
promptly extinguished Capper's nom
| sense was Dunno of Tllinnir
The Topeka state journal., 1916-12-25
BED Time T. TALEs
ToppY HAS A SCARE.
BY CLARA INGRAM JUDSON

If Toppy CottontaiI had been as wise
az he usually was, he would not have
begun eating till he had carefully
looked around to see if any danger
was near. But you see, he hadn't had
a taste of cabbage for so long, that the
very sight of those cabbages made HIM
forget everything but that he was hum
gry. And he began to eat without a
thought.
He ate and he ate and he ate. You'd
have thought he hadn't had a meal IN
weeks. which wasn't true at all; ne
had had plenty, only that plenty had
MT been cabbage.
But after he had eaten more than
was good for him, he began to feel
less hungry. You know how II is
sometimes. After you have. had lot
of fried chicken and good biscuits
and vegeta bles, even your favorite ice
cream isn't quite as tempting as it
might be, is it? So you know how
Toppy felt. He began to take his
breath and look around.
And right then he heard a noise.
"Oh. dear,'' thought he, ''now 1
have done it. I've come here into the
farmers garden where l know 1
oughtn't to come, and I We been steal
ing his cabbages, and l haven't even
been careful to look out for danger.
oh. dear!" And what little appetite he
had left departed that very minute.
And again he heard that noise.
He crouched down low at the edge
of the cabbage pile and listened Yes.
the noise was near-oh, mel how fool
ish he had been. i've said before
that I'd never come near this garden"
thought Toppy, land now l mean it
l never will come again-So therei
But resolving not to come again
didn't get him safely home this time
not a bit of it!
The Topeka state journal., 1916-12-25

The Federal Bureau of Education
reports 100000 school teachers in the
United States. OF these, 169,OOO are
men and 537, 900 women. The num-
Der. of men teachers has increased
very slightly since 1900; the number
of women teachers has almostt dou-
bled. In public elementary schools
the number Of men teachers has de-
creased s per cent. In 1900 teaching
positions in public high schools were
eve, y divided between men and wo-
men. At present women outnumber
the-men by 5000. The average annual
salary of all teachers is $525. The
figure is highest in the East and
North Atlantic States. with $699 and
S69B, respectively. and lowest in the
South Atlantic States, $329. It varies
from 1924 in Mississippi to 1871 in
California. and s941 in New York.
The Topeka state journal., 1916-12-25

What is known as the 'clock sys-
tenn of farm numbers has been es-
tablished at Fort Collins, Colo, under
the direction of J. b. Plato, the farmer
who devised it. For the first time in
history each farm in the Fort Col
Inns district has an identifying num-
Der by which the direction and dis
Rnce from town is expresseF clearly
and exactly. The rural directory by
this system has been seized upon by
the merchants and state college au-
thorities as the closest link yet de-
vised with the farmers and the best
safeguard against mail order concerns.
Mr.. Plato. a farmer who made a game
and winning fight for a change of his
rural mail route. discovered in doing
so the plan to put the farmer on the
map. literally. That this will be worth
millions of dollars every year to the
newspapers, merchants and advertis-
ers of America, is recognized by the
United States Department of AgricuI-
ture. which has begun to investigate
what it means for the farm % be a
known fact in a known spot, in a
known direction and distance from
town.
The Topeka state journal., 1916-12-25
TT DAY Is WILD. AND DRY AND
DUSTY

TT DAY Is WILD. AND DRY AND
DUSTY.
The day is wild. and dry and dusty,
The heat is fierce and the wind is gusty,
My hat blew off my raven locks
/ had to chase it seven blocks
And fish it out of a garbage box.
And the day is wild and dusty
The day is wild. and dry and dusty,
I'm feelin Eeeved and sort of crusty,
l dropped a twenty dollar bill
1t sailed away with right good VIII,
And reckon that it's a-sailin' still
For the day is wild and dusty.
Be still "Old Top and quit "cavortin
There's no use for all this "ripp1n and
srortin' -
No use in raisin' such fuss
No use to .'chaw the rag and "cusS
For things could be blame sight wuss
Than a day that's wild and dusty
Howard f. Johnson.
The Topeka state journal., 1916-12-25

The demands for assistance to the
suffering from the European war are
constant, and hardly day passes that
some appeal is not made in their be-
half. But it is not best to allow all of
our sympathy to be extended to them
Look around you at home Are there
not some families in Topeka that in
this holiday time should be remember
ed by the charitably inclined? The
poor we have with us always. Keep
some of your charity at home.
The Topeka state journal., 1916-12-25
In Praise of Beauty.

Day in and out we chase the dough
and at our daily duty, so seldom do
we pause, you know and have a
glimpse of beauty; why do we never
stop to see. tho others jeer and scout
us, the many lovely things that be,
the loveliness about US? Nay, in the
city's fevered mart, it's hustle, ,stir and
fashion, are sights to stir the paint
er's art and move the poets passion.
To eat and hit the hay my dears, then
at the daily antic, ah. what a sinful
waste of years, how duh and unro-
mantici See how the golden sun
beams fall upon the building yonder
and on that old and crumbling wall
there's beauty now to ponder. The
pastoral spots where throStles call in
spring are very pretty but don't sup
pose they have it all-there's beauty
in the city. However dull your daily
route, however humble be it, the
charm of beauty is about if you've the
eye to see it. And he who honestly
doth pace his little round of duty,
cheered by a loved. familiar face-he
knows the greatest beauty.
The Topeka state journal., 1916-12-25
ON SPUR OF
THE MOMENT

By Roy z. MOULTON.

The Point of View.
One cried Her gowni My heart it aches
To have its like. DO you suppose
She'd tell me if | asked who makes
Her clothes:"
A sister sighed. Her bonnet's lines
Were those of an aristocrats!
If | but knew just who designs
Her hats
And of her hat and gown. l doubt
If | recall single trace,
But ] am thinking yet about
Her face!
The Topeka state journal., 1916-12-25

" adopt the two dozen of you," he
added with laugh. Il guess I've got
enough apples and pun 'kins and pork
and one thing and another in my cell
lar to carry us thru the winter"
And please, Mr. But'sby," piped in
the voice of the smallest of the con-
spirators, please don't forget to adopt
the baby. too. And then two dozen
little voices rose in a joyous 'Merry
Christmas, Mister ut'sby'-(Copy-
right, 1916, by the Mcclure Newspaper
The Topeka state journal., 1916-12-25
Three Drawbacks.

Interesting experiments are being
carried on to discover the least amount
of food required to sustain a reason
ably human being thru the day. That
one can banquet elegantly three times
a day at the very reasona BILE figure of
40 cents is already manifest. This in
cludes such delicacies as cold slaw,
stewed prunes and bread pudding.
We have only three objections to
what has been done thus far, and they
are bread pudding, stewed prunes and
cold SlaW
The Topeka state journal., 1916-12-25

The official weather forecaster is
sometimes mistaken. Bu- we are
learning that we can rely upon the
natural gas pressure gauge absolutely.
In the meantime it is unnecessary to
advise the people to keep cool.
The Topeka state journal., 1916-12-25

After Old Nose had been given a
job, the foreman saw him comfort
ably seated on the sand he was to
shovel, directing another dusky la
borer. why, Nose" he exclaimed,
Il did not hire that man. What's he
doing here ?' u got him er-doing my
The Topeka state journal., 1916-12-25

wuk, sah," replied Nose who pays
him % Il does. sab; 1 pays him a
dollah a day sah-'' why, that's all
YOU receive Nose How do you profit
by the transaction?'' asked the amazed
foreman Well" replied Nose. Il
gets to boss de job, doan' I?''-Lippin-
colts
The Topeka state journal., 1916-12-25
HOUSEHOLD HINTS
To Clean Macintosh sheeting.

Dip tFe sheet in water. rub car
bolic soap lightly over it, roll the
sheet up and place in water for an
hour. Remove and rinse well with
clean water. The writ will be re-
moved completely without labor or
injury t. The sheet
The Topeka state journal., 1916-12-25

Dispatches from Washington indi-
cate that the voters in the Seventh
Cong ssional district who so loyalty
supported Jo1ett Shouse, are about
to receive their reward In the location
of 4 farm. loan bank in Hutchinson.
The Topeka state journal., 1916-12-25

Peace movements from this time
forward are likely to spring up any
where. And. Every little movement
has a meaning all its own"
The Topeka state journal., 1916-12-25

Toppy peeked around the side of
that cabbage pile and what do you
suppose he saw? A great. all MAN,
standing right by the garden fence,
The Topeka state journal., 1916-12-25

The high cost of living is not with
out compensation. The doctors say
people eat too much, ANYHOW.
The Topeka state journal., 1916-12-25

An Atch1son man dropped dea
when he went to pay his taxes. N
wonder.
The Topeka state journal., 1916-12-25

She-"What is the trouble between
Milie and Arthur? Have they had a new
quarrel?" He--No- The patch came
off their old one.--Judge-
The Topeka state journal., 1916-12-25

On the chess board of peace, it is
Berklin's next move.
The Topeka state journal., 1916-12-25

Toppy was so frightened that he didn't
think about hiding or anything sensi-
sible: he just picked himself up and
ran-ipity, ipity, op; ipity, ipity. op;
ipitay, ipity, op; back to his home
Wasn't he a foolish little fellow to
run without looking? For if he had
waited and looked again, he would
have seen that that noise wasn't made
by a man at all, but by great, big
scarecrow set by the garden fence
tCopyright-CIara Ingram Judson-p
The Topeka state journal., 1916-12-25
Rc-Gluing Furniture.

If you have never been successful
in re-gluing furniture so that it will
stay glued you may be more success
full by adding a coat of shellac or
colorless varnish. 1t is the dampness
attacking the glue which undoes the
most careful work. and when this is
protected by coat of varnish (after
the glue. is dry) you will have no fur
ther trouble.
The Topeka state journal., 1916-12-25
Happy Thought for Today.

Many are planning to evade the high
cost of coal by spending the winter in
the Bermudas.
The Topeka state journal., 1916-12-25

Why should the Kaiser take the lead
in the peace movement? He has no
automobiles to sell.
The Topeka state journal., 1916-12-25

Do 1t Early.
Small Willie had but fifty c's
To buy a gift for sister Trix.
He bought her, hoping it would please,
The handsomest of hockey sticks.
Perhaps you can match your good
eye with a cameo or a kelly pool pill.
The Topeka state journal., 1916-12-25
The Table.

Chuey-Three eggs, one cup sugar,
one cup flour, one pound dates. one
pound of English walnuts. Beat eggs.
add sugar and flour. Cut nuts and
dates into small pieces and add to
above. Spread as thin as possible in
dripping pan, bake in slow oven thirty
minutes When done mark off in
pieces about an inch wide and three
inches long, but do not remove from
pan until cold.
The Topeka state journal., 1916-12-25
FULL LEASED WIRE REPORT
or THE ASSOCIATED = ESS.

AIIlMBERS:
Associated Press
Hudit Bureau of Circulation
American Newspaper Publishers
Association.
The Topeka state journal., 1916-12-25
How to Enjoy the Grip.

Buy copy of an undertakers' trade
journal and read the ads of caskets,
burial shoes and Shrouds.
Deliriums are very often a diver
sion. If you can't increase your fever
to point that will produce one. try
opening a can of Sardines with a
patent opener
Everyone has had the grip worse
than you have. Try rearranging the
letters -h-y-s-y-m-p-a. In this way
you may find sympathy.
Seclude a young man behind a palm
and have him play a ukelele while
you're taking your castor oil.
Do 1t Early.
False hair is the gift that our dear
little Joe
Is giving his sister, tho it seems
shocking,
He explains, She's been really a bad
girl and so t
I am putting a switch in her
stockingi"
Five Mile Beach weekly journal., 1916-11-03
THE COUNTRY MUST INSURE
ITSELF AGAINST lNCAPAClTY.

In his vigorous speech at Philadel-
phia on Monday night Mr.. Hughes
made an observation that should keep
his countrymen thinking soberly every
day until election morning, the sew
enth of November.
"We cannot say now In what par
ticular sort of mess we shall find,
things in March next"
Here is room for disquieting specu-
lation. The Government Is in feeble
hands. 1t Is never prepdred to act.
In emergencies it does not know what
to do, or how to begin. 1t is the sport
of circumstances. 1t waits for some
thing to turn up with a guilty feeling
of ineapacity to deal with untoward
events. Mr.. Wilson, ineonstant and
vacillating himself and unable to learn
from experience, can obtain neither
inspiration nor support from his Cabi-
net, which is the weakest that any
President has called together since
Five Mile Beach weekly journal., 1916-11-03

The Tennis Club of the Wild wood
high school held it's first meeting of
the school term last Friday, October q,
1916. The following officers were cleo
ted:
President, Miss Dorothy Gerstel.
First Vice President, Miss Martha
Geisenberger.
Second Vice President, Miss Helen
Geisenberger.
Third Vice President, Miss Helen
Coombs.
Fourth Vice President, Miss Marion
Lloyd.
Secretary, Miss Pauline White.
Treasurer, George H. Davis.
Several excellent players of the Fresh
man class Joined the club this year.
Their present playing promises well,
aud there is hopes of their making an
excellent champion team in their sem
ior year.
There are many girls who are al
ready practicing and there Is no doubt
but what the Wildwood Tennis Club
will be we'll represented in the spring
tournament.
Five Mile Beach weekly journal., 1916-11-03

the Civil war. The policy of the Demo-
cratic Administration is not SO much
watchful as fearful waiting. 1t is
1abby, timid, procrastinating, always
undecided.
So anything may happen to the ma
ton, any disaster, any disgrace. Mr..
Hughes is right: we don't know
sin what particular sort of mess Wa
shall find things in March next" The
country Is helpless to prevent blunders
and imbecilities which may involve
it in an unwelcome wal or tarnish
its honor; but the people a see to
it that an American President with
character and stamina as well as with
brains is ia the White House on March
4 to pilot the country through the
rapids, and the people can give him
a Republican Congress to provide the
legislation he asks for to carry out
his policies. The people can be in no
doubt that the Cabinet Charles Evans
Hughes selects will contain only able
and efficient men, the best the coun-
try affords.-New York Sun.
Five Mile Beach weekly journal., 1916-11-03
MARCHING IDLE ARMY
CRIED FOR FOOD UPON
Stroke OF new YEAR
tive Hundred Men Paraded
the Streets Of Chicago.
You Are Drunk and We Are
Hungry They Shouted.
Broke Windows and Pune
tured Tires of Automobiles.
ASSOCIATED PRESS o,spArca.>


CHICAGO. January l. Entering
restaurants and demanding food.
breaking windows. and punctnring
automobile tires. n crowd of nearly
500 unemployed men early this morn
ing marched through ClLcu&ois bust
ness district. They furnished a strange
contrast 10 New Year jewellers who
Mere leaving the cafes and rcstaur
'apts
Tho men-marcheh IN State<street.
four.nbroasts carrying a banner which
read. WI ;&Sdfmand work. no.
chari,y,- ::Thc41rair. halted street ears
3nds5xiAcd TO DassenEers that they
MaiifsI work. At Van Buren street the
lpolice naltcd the Marchers. but they
soos .rfLormed thciy line father down
the strcct.
's-"Hcy. you bNurs. what's up shout
"a a pedestrian from Che curb
"You ~nrc.drunk and We are hungry.
replied>one Of the leaders. The baus
Apally broke up into small grsup&.
Five Mile Beach weekly journal., 1916-11-03
HUDSON COUNTY
FAMILY SKELETON
Brought 10 Light Of Day From
Newspapers,
CRAFT, FRAUD, TRICKERY

Campaign of One Year Ago Recalled
When Wittpenn and kinkead and the
Factions of County Democracy They
Head Were Daily Accusing and Vii
lifying Each other-A Malodorous
Scandal.
Five Mile Beach weekly journal., 1916-11-03
WHO is THE REAL
FRIEND OF LABOR?
What Wilson Said About Unions and What Hughes Said About Unions and
Workmen When He Did moi Workmen.
Want Their Votes. -

There are some who regard organ
lied labor as a source of strife and
menace of difficulty. I regard it as
a fine opportunity for the amelioration
of the condition of men working with
no other purpose than to make the
most of themselves and to achieve
something for their families.-Speech
at dedication of tuberculosis Pavilion,
Albany, New York, Aug. 20, 1908.
The mission of labor organizations
Is one of the finest that any associa-
ton of men could guard. Today we
have a realization Of what can be ac-
complished.-Speech at Dedication OF
tuberculosis Pavilion Aug. 20, 1908.
It is a shocking thought that the
wage of the country, who by
their daily toll make possible the In
dustrial prestige of which we boast,
should be subjected through ignorance
or indifference to unnecessary peril.
The interests of labor are the inter
ests of all the people, and the protec'
ton of the wage Garner in the security
of his life and health by every prac-
teal means is one of the most sacred
trusts of society.-Speech, Exposition
Of Safety Devices and Industrial Hy-
giene, Jan. %, 1907.
L believe in a six-day working week.
So do you. But do you know that
the men who are making q six-day
week a possibility and an eventual
fixture, are these men (labor repre-
sentatives) and their associates?
long ago came to the conclusion that
the labor unions are going to solve
the Sunday labor question to the best
interest of the country. Join hands
with them and you will double your
results, while halving your labor
Address to preachers and labor repre-.
sentatives in Executive Chamber,
Albany, 1908.
Five Mile Beach weekly journal., 1916-11-03
Democratic Prosperity in 1914

Below is a sample of the sort of news that was appear
ing in the papers during the months when Mr.. Wilson and his
party were trying to produce prosperity without the assist
ance of munitions contracts. The date is January |, 1914.
Five Mile Beach weekly journal., 1916-11-03

I am a fierce partisan of the open
shop and of everything that makes
for individual liberty.-Speech at open
shop banquet, Jan. II, 1909.
Five Mile Beach weekly journal., 1916-11-03
Ten Room Cottage for Sale at lis
e. GlenWOOd avenue. Hot Water
Heat. Inquire at Journal Office
FRANK p. MATTERA
LANDSCAPE GARDENER

Lawns made and cared for. Cement work of all kinds.
All work guaranteed.
West Third Avenue, Anglesea, NJ. j.
Keystone Phone Philadelphia Stock Yard Manure on hand
Five Mile Beach weekly journal., 1916-11-03
A TESTIMONIAL

October 9th, 1916.
Mr.. FRANK P. MATTERA,
Ang1esea, NJ.
MY DEAR SIR-Enclosed please find check for 1922
being balance for services. The work is very satisfactory,
but | want you to keep an eye on the property now that l
am not there; give it what attention you think it needs and
send me the bill. Give the lawn a drink once in a while.
DR.. FRED. I. BRIDGLAND,
-d18 East Buttercup Road,
Five Mile Beach weekly journal., 1916-11-03

un u ueESS pdIlSuH VI the open
shop and of everything that makes
for individual liberty.-Speech at open
shop banquet, Jan. IL, 1909.
The labor unions reward the shy
sters and incompetent at the expense
of the able and industrious.-Speech
Peoples Forum, New Rochelle, Feb.
%, 1905.
We speak too exclusively of the cap
italistic class. There is another as
formidable an enemy to equality and
freedom Of opportunity as 1t is and
that Is the class formed by the labor
organizations and leaders of this coun-
try.-Speech, Waldorf Hotel, New
York, March 16, 1907.
You know what the usual standard
of the employee is in u day. It Is
to give as little as he may for his
wages. Labor Is standardized by the
trade unions, and this is the standard
to which 1t is made to conform. No
oAc 10 oulltTeO W uO lnOIt ludu luc
average workman can do.-Address to
graduating class, Princeton University,
June 8, 1909.
The objections I have to labor I'M
Ions Is that they drag the highest
man to the level of the lowest. l
must demur with the labor unions
when they say you must award the
dull the same as you award those
with special gifts."-Speech in Peo-
pies Forum, New Rochelle, Feb. 20,
1905.
The Chinese were more to be de-
fsred as workmen, If not as citizens,
than the oarse crew that came crowd
ing in every year at Eastern ports
History of American People.
The day book. [volume] (Chicago, Ill.) 1911-1917, 1916-06-24

Thinking it waste Of time to
change gowns every time the styles
change, she designed a permanent
model of her own.
To make a gown like Mrs. Car
son's-buy a few yards of wide ma
terial twice your length, double it,
cut hole in the top for your head,
sew the seams at the sides, put in
tuck for a sleeve, add a little ruching
on the neck and sleeves, fix a belt
and a few pOckets-and you have a
gown.