Bismarck daily tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1881-1916, 1916-08-31
<. q. K. s Col.
THE QUICK.WITTED WAITER.

THE QUICK.WITTED WAITER.
A downtown city restaurant has
made its reputation upon one waiter
who has never yet been found wants
ing to translate an order into q Ian
guage of his own, and he and the cook
understand each other absolutely.
Zone order of pea SOUP" one GUS
toner will say.
Splash of split peas cries the
waiter.
couple of doughnuts and cup
of coffee without cream" another will
order.
1.-Two submarines and mug OF
murk-no GOVT" orders the waiter.
IAN order Of ham and eggs, says
q customer.
"Roast two on a slice Of squeal!"
the waiter shouts into the tube.
"Beef stew and cup OF tea for
me-" q new arrival says.
"Bossy in a bowl-boiled leaves on
the side!" sings the waiter.
"A dozen raw oysters" orders q
busy business man.
Twelve alive in the she'll" shouts
the waiter.
where's my eggs on toast?'' COM
plains a man who has been waiting.
Rush the biddies on a raft!" cries
the waiter.
II want rump steak rare," or
ders another man.
"Slab of moo-let him chew it, the
waiter calls.
81 want a bowl of tomato SOUP" or
dered one man, "a plate Of beans,
bread and butter, a piece Of apple pie
and a glass of water" The waiter
seemed puzzled for an instant; then
he shouted into the tube as follows:
Zone splash of red noise, platter
Of Saturday nights, dough well done
with COW to cover, Eve with the lid on
and chaser of Adams ale!"-Ladies'
Home Journal. ".''
r IMPROVED. y
"The clam chowder is very fine to-
day, sir" suggested the waiter.
II had some of that yesterday" said
the guest, "and I didn't think much
of it." y.
you'll find it better today, sir.
They've put another clam inn. Y.
World. '...
EXTENUATING. ~
"Mr. sorrel proposed to me last
night, mother" ....
"And you accepted him, I hope.'
mo, mother. could never love
man with red hair
But, my dear girl, you should con.
slider the fact that he has very little
of tn. Y. World 49,
A BUSY MAN.
my Office hours" said the physi-
clan, "are from 9 to 10 in the morn
ing and from 1 to 2 in the afternoon"
"And the rest Of, the time pre-
sumo you spend in studying to per-
feet yourself in your profession" re-
marked his friend. Ns'-
mot, much, don't. I need all that
time to collect my bills."-N. Y.
World.
I'D like box Of cigars, please
said the young wife, blushing rosily.
They're for my husband. It's his
birthday tomorrow"
Does he prefer them light or
dark? inquired the salesman.
"Oh, light. by all means. He has
a blond mustache." IN. Y. World.
EVERYTHING comes to him, or
her, who waits. Now the old FASH
Toned waltz is slated to supplant the
tango and they who have been view
ing the game from the side lines, 10!
these long and lonely years, will be
right back in the center of the floor,
But yet the tango is not to be ban
ished; it is to be "simplified," says
the arbiters Of the dance. Guess they
Will just take the 60 out of it.
HAD PART OF THE OUTFIT.
please, num-" said the tramp who
had knocked at the door, would ye
do bit of sewing for me?"
II guess so," said the lady kindly;
what sewing do you want me to do
for you?"
II have a button here,": said the
tramp, "and I'll be very much Obliged
If you will sew pair Of pants on
ft."-Ladies' Home Journal.
" VERY MUCH THERE.
(which is the most delicate Of the
senses?" asked the teacher.
THE TOUCH" answered Johnnie.
"How's that?' asked the teacher.
well, said Johnnie, when you sit
on a pin you can't see 1t, you can't
hear 1t, you can't taste it, but you
know that it's there" Ladies' Home
Journal. 4|@1 ~
MORE AND MORE.
Ted: Tom is trying to raise money,
l guess he has to remargin his stocks,
Ned: Yes; he told me the war
brides he invested in are calling for
more alimony.-The Lamb.