The Cecil Whig., 1916-06-24
SOME CONVENTION.


killing ones respect for it's sanity and
sense of humor. Dangerous business,
this business of killing time. 1t simply
opens the way for a distinguished and
ancient potentate who has never fail
ed to find mischief for idle hands to
do. In this instance, that old copy
book devil was fortunately in an
amiable mood, and the mischief done
by the convention was OF a mild mot
to say motley) sort. Being free from
all sense of responsibility, it ran to
absurdities and anachronisms.
Absurdity No. one-Bryan.
Absurdity No. two-Near- beer at a
Democratic Convention in a
Southern city.
Absurdity No. three-Several han
dred full grown humans spending
three days in putting through
completely arranged program
that could just as well have been
put through in three minutes.
Absurdity No. four-Westcott's
nominating speech. Have you
read it? Well, dont-unless you
are in need of an emetic. Nobody
but a South Jersey Democrat
could have carried that stuff in
his system all the way from Cam
den to st. Louis and nobody but
the "unterrifed" could have stood
having it poured out on them in
the form of a speech. Mark
Twain's Major POgram must GO
into eternal eclipse. Henceforth
bp classic of
can spread eagle oratory is
Westcott's nominating speech.
1t has never been surpassed; we
can hardly hope that it will ever
be equalled-of its kind.
Absurdity No. Wilson's plank
on the hyphenate. If you wanted
to say ~ think it will be fair
weather, tomorrow" how would
you say it, except as it has Just
been said? If you wanted to say,
America first: we tolerate no
divided allegiance; from whatever
cline or country they may have
come, American citizens must be
for America first. last and al
ways; if you wanted to say that,
how would you say it, except
about as it has just been said?
But Wilson used up 45S perfectly
good English words in saying
that. Phrase e-mongering, and
phrase-mongering where phrase
mongering was not only uncalled
for, but positively absurd.
Ahsurdity Number siX-The Demo-
cratic platform. But maybe that
would better be listed under the
head of anachronisms. Not that
the Democratic platform (aside
from its intolerable length) is a
bad affair as an isolated pronun-
ciamento; but as the deliverance
of Democratic convention it is
assuredly an anachronism. That
is to say it so obviously misfts a
Democratic convention, that it is
hard to think of anywhere else
in which it wouldn't have fitted
better. 1t snot hard to believe
that Mr. Wilson drew it and fore
ed it on the convention, hair,
hide and hoofs. But think of the
conventions feelings in accepting
tiff its feelings were alive and
well. Cheering itself hoarse over
Governor Glynn's really eloquent
plea for pacitism. weeping with
Bryan as he weeps with joy)
over the wild applause of his
'peace--at-any-price" policy, t
proceeds to adopt with a mild
hurrah a platform breathing
"Militarism' at every pore. Mr..
Bryan's "pacifism" and Mr.. Will
sons "militarism" are Joined in
holy (?) wedlock at the conven-
tons altar; and that is what we
learned in the rhetorics to call an
anachronism.
Anachronism Number two--A De-
mocratic convention preaching
the doctrine of protection, and
preaching it on the very heels of
an unqualified endorsement of
the Underwood tariff. The star
eyed Goddess of Democracy-and
Col. Henry Watterson-are en-
titled to Shrek in unison, "where
are We at?" If we may he per-
mitted to answer that pathetic
cry, we should say, dear inquirers,
you are at a more or less comical
conclave of cross-eyed politicians
and near statesmen"
Anachronism Number thrce-the
weird deliverance of the afore-
said convention on the subject of
woman's suffrage. We crave per-
mission to reproduce that plank,
without silver or a shaving off
tive recommend the extern
sion of the franchise to the wo-
men of the country by the States
upon the same terms as the men,"
And that from the unadulterated
champions of Estates rights"
The star-eyed Goddess shrieked
and fled. Venerable Democratic
statesmen put on sack cloth and
ashes. The convention adjourned
to the dead march from Saul.
'The curfew tolls the knell of part
day
And statesmen homeward plod their
weary way"
How did such plank ever happen?
Where did such an anachronism ever
spring from? 1t is not for US to say.
But turning to the proceedings of the
We are reminded that Sen
ator Walsh grasped the gagging and
gasping delegates with both hands,
and shook their scrupes out through
l. IL II