davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Lamar register., 1916-03-29

April was a rare season in Rome.
The soldiers were all home from The
front, which gave the city something
Of holiday flavor. Birds sang in the
olive groves. The sun reused the Gro
Gus out Of the brown grass. The poet
Virgil, who was, at heart a farmer,
sang like Caruso. II was then that
Cicero could be seen quietly hoeing in
his garden. Spring onions came up
from the low-lying truck farms be-
yond the Pontine Marsh. From the
broad verandas of the villa Of Horace
rose music and song in the soft
spring night Even Caesar himself
could be met in the market soon after
daybreak, his chip basket on his arm,
and his eagle eye running over the let
tuce heads and the young asparagus.
There Lepidus came, a shy, furtive
creature, indulging his passion for
spring mushrooms. 1t was in such
place at such time that Lucullus, the
epicure, delivered his historic panegy
ric on spring greens. He attributed
the fall of all former civilizations to
their ignorance of the miraculous
qualities of things like spinach. Along
late in April the patricians came out
in their summer fiannels, and crowds
collected in front of the public houses
waiting for book beer to make its
appearances. There was, too, an
amusing feature Of April in Rome. 1t
was then that Marc Antony's thoughts
turned to Cleopatra, and that great
statesmen and warrior fairly raided
the flower stores two or three times
a week expressing tenderness in the
direction the flowers went. The Roman
wits called the regular packet between
Rome anad Egypt at that season the
flower boat, and when it was occas-
ionally known that Marc himself had
gone aboard for the trip, even grave
men like Octavius stood around on
the quay and laughed as lightly as
children. 1t is as someone has said
there was only one Rome.
The festive calf will sniff the breeze
The Lamar register., 1916-03-29

1t is unkind of the Philadelphia
North American" to remind the coun-
try that the man we are now chasing
in Mexico is not the one who refused
to salute the American flag.
The Lamar register., 1916-03-29

When taxes are paid upon imports
the foreign producer takes that much
less for his product and the importer
pays the tax. 1t really comes out Of
the pocket of the foreigner, except in
the case Of commodities not produced
in this country. Democrats claimed,
falsely, that the American consumer
pays the tax, but the failure to re-
duce the cost of living, when the tar
if was taken off, disprovcs this
theory. In the case Of stamp tax
such &c we are now paying, we know
absolutely that the American pays it.
People who don't like stamp taxes can
have the import duties restored, If
they vote for candidates who believe
in that form Of revenue.
The Lamar register., 1916-03-29

Restoring the duty on sugar was
not a sweet job for Mr.. Wilson.
The Lamar register., 1916-03-29

So let us on to Tara's halls and
seize the celebrated harp, while ten
derly the robin calls and flowers
bloom upon the scarp. When Homer
smote his blooming Tyre the world
was filled with mortal woe. The isles
of Greece were all afire, and battle
raging to and from. The knowing
Homer simply made it all the burden
of his song. He lifted up his face and
bayed the very moon before the
throng. He called it life, and found
it sweet; his ballad roared above the
brook; it swept his era off its feet
and made him famous for his book.
To him the wars were only set against
a background Of delight, and men
were puppets when he met with no
more gumption than to fight. He
gripped his harp between his knees
and drowned the dissonance with song
nor even hinted, if you please, that
anything perhaps was wrong.
The first twenty-one days in April
are under the influence of Aries the
Ram, the first sign in the zodiac. Peo-
pie born under this influence are very
shrewd, and their foresight is won
derful. They are probably the only
people in the country who know how
the trouble in Mexico is coming out,
and Gen. Funston is unfortunately not
one of them. The last eight days
of the month will be under the in
fluence of Taurus the Bull, the second
sign of the zodiac. The Taurians are
under this sign are much harder to
train than seals. The moon will be
full on the 18th. There will be a good
deal of rain, and periscopes on cyclone
cellars will be repaired. Military
training camps will become very gen
eral over the country, and trench
diggers will mobilize in the garden.
The ruling planet early in the month
will be Mars, under which the Rus
SLAMS always do better; but later in
the month the dominant planet in the
sky will be Venus, under which the
Germans always chase the Russians
back. Easter will come on the 23d.
Mercury will be morning star until
the oath, when it will join Mars as
evening star, and see what can be
done about making Mr.. Rockefeller
reduce the price of gasoline. Jupiter,
which has failed to do anything in this
matter, will become morning star on
the 1st and associate with Mercury
The Lamar register., 1916-03-29

The festive calf will sniff the breeze
And turn summersault for spring,
And in the softly-budding trees
The waking doodlebug will sing.
The hired man will mark the skies
And shed four thicknesses of pants,
The cunning widow will devise
Her matrimonial advance,
The soda fountain clerk will fill
His trench with chemicals and gas,
The Lamar register., 1916-03-29

One apologist for President Wilson
expresses the opinion that he will be
benefited rather than injured by the
failure of some Of the measures he is
so deeply interested in getting through
Congress. What strange estimate
Of the intelligence Of the American
voter! The President is to be com
mended because he fails in his efforts
to pass unwise laws! More likely the
commendation will go to the men who
help defeat the measures, for that is
where the approval hould be given.
The Lamar register., 1916-03-29

One Democratic member Of Con-
gross defended his vote for a sugar
duty by saying that it is "war meas
ure," to build up an industry threaten
ed by the war. Later a dycstuffs
duty will be supported on the same
theory. What convenient excuse the
war is for Democrat who is short
The Lamar register., 1916-03-29

Representative Fitzgerald, Demo-
cratic Chairman Of the House Com
mittee on appropriations condemned
the last Congress for extravaganza
and is condemning this for slowness
end general inefficiency. Senator New
lands, also a Democrat, attributed the
industrial depression of 1913-1914 to
the unwisc legislation of the Demo
cratic party. Several Democratic
Congressman, apparently entertaining
similar views, have announced that
they will not be candidates for rc-elec-
ton. When Democratic leaders con-
denim the party how can the average
voter be expected to support it?
The Lamar register., 1916-03-29

President Wilson's assertion that
the Republican party has not had a
new idea in thirty years makes inter
esting reading in view Of the ideas h.
has thrown away in the last few
months in order to take up Republican
ideas in their stead
The Lamar register., 1916-03-29

hastcned to comply-cxcept Carranza.
In language whose contemptuous
quality could not be misunderstood he
told Wilson to mind his own bust
ness and tha. the Carranza outfit
would continue to do business at the
old stand. Having thus defied Wilson
successfully, Carranza a few months
later came to his reward. Out of all
the contending rascals in Mexico,
Wilson picked the one who snubbed
him ard gavs him the recognition of
this government.
Recently, Wilson ordered Funston
to got Wills" To do this required
the entrance of American troops up
on Mexican sOil-where Carranza
bobbed up serenely and notified Will
son that if American soldiers werc to
enter Mexico he must insist upon the
right of Mexican troops to enter the
United States. Again Wilson sub
mitted to CarranZa.
Carranza knows that Wilson has on
ly to be resisted and he submits.
The Lamar register., 1916-03-29

That Great Britain is prepared "a
conduct an industrial war after her
war Of arms is over, is indicated by
statistics compiled by the American
consul at Manchester, England, who
has issued an itemized list Of ex-
ports from that district to the United
States and insular possessions. In
round figures, the exports for Janu-
ary, 1916, were $1,44O,OOO as compar-
ed with S776,OOO in January, 1915
an increase Of 100 per cent.
The Lamar register., 1916-03-29

Restoring the duty on sugar rcceiv-
ed the cheerful and unanimous sup
port of the Republicans in this Con
gress, despite the fact that this meas
ure was presented under Democratic
auspices. Restoring the duty on many
other articles will be voted with equal
cheerfulness in the next Congress,
where all such propositions will orig
mate with the Republican majority.
The Penn's Grove record., 1916-02-25
RELIEF NOT NEEDED
Figures Refute Steel Trust Cry
for Protection"
Enormous Earnings Of the Corpora
tion a Proof That Excessive Tar
if Is Neither Necessary Nor
in Any Way Desirable.

Net earnings for the past quarter
of $51,232,7SS IS, or s5,729.OS0 larger
than for the same quarter last year;
dividends resumed on the common
stock at the former annual rate of five
per cent; a surplus of $23,300,692
above all charges and dividends;
$105, 000, 900 cash in bank-such is the
extraordinary story of prosperity re-
ported for the country's greatest in
dustrial corporation from a recent
meeting Of the United States Steel
corporation directors.
Some weeks ago Chairman Gary
gave out a statement which conceded
great present prosperity but which
sounded high notes of alarm for the
future. The situation was inflated"
American industry faced after the
wal the most persistent and difficult
competition ever experienced" and
everybody must now prepare for cal
amitous consequences then unless
adequate tariff protection" is mean
time provided.
The practical sense of that view
must have been that the Steel corpora
ton itself should go slow in any divi-
dend action On the present prosperity,
and Wall street so interpreted it,
as in a belief that no dividend or only
a small one would be declared.
1t is apparent that the other direc-
tors did not share these views of dis
astrous competition from nations bled
white and industrially crippled by
war. Even Mr.. Gary himself seems to
have revised them, as he also voted
for the five per cent rate. Against
that terrible day not far ahead when
adequate protection" must be had
If the steel industry is to be saved
from ruin, neither so great a steel ex-
pert as MI. Prick nor such good
judges of general business prospects
as Mr.. Morgan and George w. Per-
kins made any effort to conserve the
corporations cash as far
as possible.
The conclusion is evident. The gen.
tlemen of the steel board are practi-
cally as n in an inability to foresee
any such day.
The Penn's Grove record., 1916-02-25
No Return to Hannaism,

There is a belief in Wall street that
American opinion is so ~preoccupied by
the war that it has forgotten domestic
questions and is NJ longer interested
in progressive government. We doubt
it. We do not believe that the Amer
lean people are Sc short-sighted as not
to appreciate the sinister significance
of a return to Hannaism. There is no
evidence that the rank and file of
either party has lost its sense of polit-
ical idealism.
But if it were again possible for Wall
street to re-establish another Hanna
regime in the government of the
United States, we can assure Big Bust
ness that when the reaction came it
would not have to deal with a Demo
cratic party and a Woodrow Wilson.
1t would have to face Socialism, and
Socialism would triumph.-New York
World.
The Penn's Grove record., 1916-02-25

Advocates of higher tariff protection
used to point to whatever industrial
distress existed, and assert, in Dol
liver's words, that they "yearned for
the factory bells calling millions back
to work" Something more than a
realization that the whole country is
now prosperous and satisfied is &C
countable for the decline in protec-
ZIONIST talk. What it is was told the
Republican club by Jacob Schif, in
words that have weight as coming
from a man who has been for fifty
years the stanchest of Republicans.
He warned the party that "if you
threaten the country and show it you
want a renewal Of special privilege
and high protection, the people will
have none of it. The people have
learned; the workmen and farmers
have learned, and they cannot be
misled any longer"
The Penn's Grove record., 1916-02-25
Let Liaht Into the Tariff.

1t makes no difference who urges
the tariff commission, whether Dem
ocrats, Republicans or P-rogressives.
The idea is right. A tariff commits
sion will not take the tariff out of pol
itics in the United States. for the
tariff is too profitable a political issue.
But at least it will furnish intelligent
information on the subject which, in
the past, congress has lacked.
The fact that tariffs were made in
the dark, that there was no source of
information on the subject, has made
it easy for them to be used to reward
campaign contributors and in general
to promote political ends. For a gen
GRAFTON congressman regarded a tariff
bill simply as a l~og-rolling measure.
The Penn's Grove record., 1916-02-25
"CASCARETS" FOR
LIVER, BOWELS
For sick headache, bad breath,
Sour Stomach and
constipation.
Get a 1O-cent box now.

NO odds how bad your liver, stomach
or bowels; how much your head
aches, how miserable and uncomfort-
able you are from constipation, indiges-
tion' biliousness and sluggish bowels
you always get the desired results
with Cascarets.
Don't let your stomach, liver and
bowels make you miserable. Take
Cascarets tonight; put an end to the
headache, biliousness, dizziness, nerv-
BUSINESS, sick, sour, gassy stomach,
oackache and all other distress;
cleanse your inside organs Of all the
bile, gases and constipated matter
which is producing the misery.
A 1O-cent box means health, happi-
ness and a clear head for months.
NO more days of gloom and distress
II you will take a Cascaret now and
then. All stores sell Cascarets. Don't
forget the children-their little in
sides need a cleansing, too. Adv.
The Penn's Grove record., 1916-02-25
DANGEROUS Vices

The two most common and widely
spread vices which l see in human
nature are, ID an excess of severity,
and 90 an excess of indulgence;-se.
verify for others, and indulgence for
ourselves. The rigorous censure
which we apply to our brethren is an
insolent enterprise both against the
laws of God and Of man. Judgment
belongs to God, because he is al.
mighty; and when we undertake the
judgment of vi brethren without his
commission we are doubly culpable,
since we render ourselves at once su.
perior to our equals and equal to our
sUperior.-Bossuet,
The Penn's Grove record., 1916-02-25
LONG MEMORY.

Its a waste of time to argue with
a woman" said Mr.. Twobble, fret
fully.
Perhaps So" replied Mr.. Scadson
You talk az if you had just had ar
experience of that kind"
Yes. Mrs. Twobble and l started
an argument over the telephone this
morning, but l cut it short by ringing
OFF. If / go home it will start again
Then, why go homer"
"Oh, l can't stay away forever, you
know, and even If l absented myself
for six months, the moment l returned
Mrs. Twobble would take the matter
up just where we left Off"
The Penn's Grove record., 1916-02-25
Claims Lye Is Not Injurious.

Prof. M. E. Jaffa of the California
state board of health denies that, as is
generally believed, lye-peeled peaches
are injurious to health than
hand-peeled fruits. The food value,
quality and flavor are unchanged, and
1t is impossible to distinguish one from
the other except by the knife marks
of the hand-peeled product, he says.
Analyses show that the acidity of the
fruit is not affected by the use of lye
in the peeling process.
The Penn's Grove record., 1916-02-25
information Desirable.

Obviously, SO long as tariff adjust.
ments are to be made, the more infor-
nation available Oh the subject the
better. There is no such thing as
American cost of production" The
cost varies according to the efficiency
of the plant But information on the
subject can act as a restraining force
to prevent ridiculous subsidies to in
terests that make large contributions
to campaign funds. expecting to get
their reward out of the pockets of the
people in the shape of protection from
competition--Kansas City Star.
The Penn's Grove record., 1916-02-25
TO STOP TERRIBLE
RHEUMATIC PAINS

Get q box OF true Mustarine in the
original yellow box for about rs cents
at druggists. Rub 1t on the infamed
joints or muscles. and that almost un-
Dearable agony will go at once.
No rheumatic sufferer can afford to
pc without true Mustarine, for it never
fails to give blessed relief. Use 1t for
aches or pains anywhere, and for sore
throat. bronchitis and pleurisy. There's
relief In every rub. 1t stops pain and
congestion. True Mustarine is made by
Begy Medicine Co., Rochester. N. <,
The Penn's Grove record., 1916-02-25
HSneedW

Two small children were getting
ready for bed and their mother was
telling them that Santa Claus went
from town to town, looking in win
dows for good little girls and boys.
Russell, age five, went to the window
and pulled back the curtains. YES, /
know he has been around tonight" he
said, for 1 can see the dust from his
reindeers."
1t was showing.
The Penn's Grove record., 1916-02-25
New Steamship Line Projected.

The congress of Ecuador has grant
ed a concession for a steamship line
between Guayaquil. Ecuador, and Phil
adelphia. The vessels Of the company
are to navigate under the Ecuadorian
flag and at least one-half of the en-
ployees are to be natives Of Ecuador.
1t is stipulated that the steamships
must begin running within one and
one-half years after the signing of the
contract.
The Penn's Grove record., 1916-02-25
A Conflict.

What brought you here, my poor
fellow?" a missionary asked a convict,
Il married a new woman, sir" the
prisoner groaned.
"Aha!" said the missionary, "and
she was SO domineering and extrava.
CANT that it drove you to desperate
courses, eh?"
NO" replied the prisoner; but the
old woman turned up."-London Tit
Bits.
The Penn's Grove record., 1916-02-25
WoWI

Mrs. Also you told the delicates-
sen man that the wurst he sent you
was the worst wurst you ever had.
And what did he say?
Mrs. Bile said he had no better
wurst just then, but was making some
wurst which wouldn't be n worse
and ought to be better. After which
he assured me that his wurst was bet
ter wurst than the best wurst of his
competitors.
The Penn's Grove record., 1916-02-25
Not a Hiqh Brow.

Bacon-It is said the giraffe is the
only animal in nature that is entirely
dumb, not being able to express itself
by any sound whatever.
Egbert-It's just as well, for if it
could speak it would talk over every
body's head.
The Penn's Grove record., 1916-02-25

That's a swagger car of yours"
Thanks"
What model"
1920
Aren't you rather previousr"
well, I'll tell you something conf.
d~entially. l had the date moved up,
as I'll hardly be able to buy another
car before 1920"
The Penn's Grove record., 1916-02-25
Affected by "War Business"

The population of Bridgeport, Conn,
is estimated to have increased during
the present year by about 81 $1,000
growing from $4,000 to 100000. Twen-
ty thousand persons are said to be en-
ployed in Bridgeport by one concern,
In three shifts Of eight hours each.
This phenomenal activity is the result
of war business"
The Penn's Grove record., 1916-02-25
A Hard One.

Mike said Flooding Pete, what
would you do if you had a million dol
lars?"
Il dunno" replied Meandering
Mike. i don't see why you should
ask me any question like dat. De
fellers OATS got de million can't
swer it."
The Penn's Grove record., 1916-02-25
New York Critics Nav.

Il want you to see my new play" said
the author to the New York critic. 1T
has been spoken of very highly by peo-
pie who have seen it. l want your
expert judgment"
All right" growled the N. Y. crit
ic. "I1l drop in on it some night,
but / warn you in advance that I'm
not going to like it."
The Penn's Grove record., 1916-02-25
Novelty,

Anything new in the show asked
the local manager.
Yes answered the visiting agent.
The biggest supply of new songs,
new faces, new jokes ever shown in
captivity. Just to show you the trou-
BILE we've taken with this show, we've
been collecting all that material for
the last ten years.
The Penn's Grove record., 1916-02-25
Won't Stay Down.

Experience is a hard teacher" re-
marked the philosopher.
Quite true. but an optimist of my
acquaintance has the matter well in
hand, 1 think"
How so?"
"The harder he gets bumped, the
higher he rebounds"
The Penn's Grove record., 1916-02-25
Cupid's New Weapon.

Engaged to four girls at once."
exclaimed the Mortified uncle. How
do you explain such shameless con
1uct?"
Il don't know" said the ~graceless
nephew. - guess Cupid must have
shot me with a machine gun."-La-
dies Home Journal.
The Penn's Grove record., 1916-02-25
Her Idea of It.

Now, Miss Fanny" said the Sun
day school teacher to a sixteen-year-
old pupil, what are we to infer from
the parable Of the five wise and five
foolish virgins?"
THAT we should always be on the
lookout for the approach of the bride
groom" answered Miss Fanny.
The Penn's Grove record., 1916-02-25
Weakest Link.

"Pop?"
We'll, SOM"
What is meant by the weakest
link? 2"
"The weakest link l know, my son,
is the hyphen used to denote national
ity."-Youngstown Telegram.
The Penn's Grove record., 1916-02-25
He Was Wise.

Landlord-You see, this is a con-
vertible fiat.
De Flats-Yes, l know-Turkish
bath in summer and refrigerator in
winter.
The Penn's Grove record., 1916-02-25
A Bragaer.

He-Yes; YOU father and / almost
came to blows.
She-He says your chief falling is
that you like to blow.
The Penn's Grove record., 1916-02-25
ParadoxicaI.

Quick speech itself to trouble links.
Because SO often you will find
The man who says just what he think
Is rather thoughtlessly inclined.
The Penn's Grove record., 1916-02-25
Very True.

She-They a the social whirl is
very giddy.
Hell guess that is why SO many
members Of 1t are ~light-headed.
The Penn's Grove record., 1916-02-25
AnQlo-M

Jinks-They say that Cholly has
gotten to be fearfully English.
Blinks-Yes; he even refuses to eat
Irish potatoes now.
The Penn's Grove record., 1916-02-25

Concrete post bases to give longer
life to worn-out fence posts have been
patented by a New York inventor.
The Penn's Grove record., 1916-02-25
riavina a Good Time.

Charles-We shall have to econo
mize after we are married.
Carrie-Then why not stay engaged
tor a few years longer?
The Penn's Grove record., 1916-02-25
Wise and Otherwise.

The wise man his umbrella takes,
When he starts out for a roam;
But others who take chances oft
Bring some other fellows home,
The Penn's Grove record., 1916-02-25

To Prevent The Grip
Oolos cause Grp-Laxative Bromo Ouinine re-
nn0res the canse. There is only one "Broms
Oulnlne." \. w. GROVES Signature ON box, pc
The Penn's Grove record., 1916-02-25

Perhaps a man Ear write a sensible
love letter, but he never does.
The Penn's Grove record., 1916-02-25

Seaweed is made into a compost
ton to take the place of bone for ham
dies of cutlery.
The Penn's Grove record., 1916-02-25

First Briton-I say, it's deuced odd
this being in society.
Second Briton-How So, old chap?
First Briton-Why, to keep in it you
must be continually going out, don't
you know.
The Penn's Grove record., 1916-02-25
Household Complaints.

The Sofa-The mistress sat on me
today.
The Carpet Well, she simply
fioored me.
The Penn's Grove record., 1916-02-25

What is the most ~curiousest thing
about a fool"
DE way he'll holler and git mad
II you don't let him show of his mis-
fortune"
The Penn's Grove record., 1916-02-25
Looking Ahead.

1t was showing.