davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Middletown transcript., 1916-09-09
Calling for Reform.

Frances-You say you are going to
marry man to reform him. That is
fine. May l ask who he Isl
Flora-It's young Bond.
Franees-Why, didn't know he had
any bad habits.
Flora-Well, his friends are saying
that he has become quite miserly.-
Puck.
Middletown transcript., 1916-09-09
\IF}l
ONE GREAT DAIRY DRAWBACK
Monotony Of Having to Milk Large
Number of Cows Daily Keeps
Many Men Out of Business.

The tedious task of hand milking has
been one Of the greatest drawbacks
the dairying industry has had. The
monotony of having to milk a large
number of cows each day has kept
many men from entering the business
when they might have made a great
success of it. Machine milking is not
only feasible, but it is practicable,
there being thousands of cows ma
chine-milked each day in the country,
Middletown transcript., 1916-09-09
Assessed Value.

Deserted Wife-I want to offer I'VE
dollars reward for news Of my bus
band, dead or alive.
Police Ohicial-But, madam yOa
ought not to put news of him deaa
or alive at the same figure.
D. W.-A1l right. Make it ten dos
lars reward If he's dead,
Middletown transcript., 1916-09-09
Honeless.

"That man we were just talking
to seems to be perfectly pofnal,T re-
marked the visitor who was being
shown over the insane. asylum.
'And yet he's one of the very wOrst
cases we have" replied the attendant
''That man thinks he can get as many
miles out of gallon of gasoline ~
the agent who sold him his car said hp
could"
Middletown transcript., 1916-09-09

includes: for outer form ribs, three
pieces . inches by 10 inches by IA
inches; for inner form ribs, nine pieces
2 inches by s inches by u feet: for
outer form sides, IS pieces 1 inch by
inches by 10 feet; for inner form
sides, IA pieces 1 inch by inches by
II feet; 10 sacks of cement; 20 cubic
feet of sand; 40 cubic feet Of gravel,
and 35 feet of 30-inch heavy wOve
wire fencing.
Middletown transcript., 1916-09-09
RestfuI.

"That hired man of yours is a very
picturesque figure" remarked the art
ist. "rd like to paint him."
''Go ez fur ez you like" replied the
farmer, ''but it seems to me I've heard
somewheres thet they amt much of
any market fer still life pitchers"
Middletown transcript., 1916-09-09
Courteous Agreement.

He-YOu may brag of your fathers
farming, but what did he know about
i've stock? Now, there wasn't any
thing that my father didn't know, es-
peciaIly about raising mules.
She-Nobody would doubt that who
ever met you.
Middletown transcript., 1916-09-09
Nothino More.

"Your wife must be very sOlicitOus
about you"
"Why do you say thatT'
"She writes every day."
'tShe's solicitous about the canary"
Louisville Courier-J Journal.
Middletown transcript., 1916-09-09
A Wreck.

"Don't bother me. 1 need rest and
quiet. I'm a nervous wreck"
"What's the matter, pa? Anything
gone wrong at the Office today?"
Il should say so. had to call two
people on the telephone today. DE
tr0it Free Press.
Middletown transcript., 1916-09-09
Work Of WALKING PIow.

An average days work with a two
horse walking plow is a little less
than 1874 acres, while an average
days work for a three-horse sulky
plow is between 2 and 21-2 acres.
Middletown transcript., 1916-09-09
Sure-Thino Seekers.

"Some people consult fortune tell
ers about investments"
"Yes," replied Mr.. Dustin Stax. "But
1 can't see any sense to the system.
A fortune teller who could give reli-
able advice would quit work and get
rich playing her own information"
Middletown transcript., 1916-09-09
chean Protein.

Protein grown on the farm in the
form of clover, alfalfa, cOwpeas and
various legume crops is generally
cheaper than that bought on the mar
ket.
Middletown transcript., 1916-09-09
Babcock Test Invaluable.

The dairyman who is shipping cream
or selling milk by test will find Bah
cock test invaluable in improving his
dairy herd.
Middletown transcript., 1916-09-09
Thorouuh,

did the grasshoppers do much daIB-
age to your farm last year?"
81 should say they did. They de-
voured everything clear down to The
first mortgage"
Middletown transcript., 1916-09-09
lono Arm of the curate.

She-Gertie says the curate put his
arm around her three times last night.
He-The bounder must have a terri
bly, long arm.-Passing Show.
Middletown transcript., 1916-09-09
Separate the Bull.

Do not let any bull run with the
dairy herd. The young bull may be
injured, and the old bull may injure
someone.
Middletown transcript., 1916-09-09

wrights Indian Vegetable Pills have stocE
for sample to S72 Pearl street, N. Y.-AdV.
Middletown transcript., 1916-09-09
n..4 Man.v cavAr

The oil can, properly used, is one OF
the greatest money-savers on the
farm.
Middletown transcript., 1916-09-09

"E think III take day off and go
fishing"
"Are you a fisherman"
"No. But I feel as if ought to of
fer some excuse for taking day off. b"
Middletown transcript., 1916-09-09

Toothed tOngs of much power havG
been patented by a Washington In
ventOr to pull weeds.
Middletown transcript., 1916-09-09
Plan for More Feed.

Make plans now to raise more feed
than ever before. Homegrown feeds
pile up the profits.
Middletown transcript., 1916-09-09

Sites, Granulated Eyelids Sore and Infiamed
Eyes healed promptly by the use Of ROMAN
WYE RALSAM.-AdV.
Middletown transcript., 1916-09-09

A fool is a person who is not Sd
dicted to your own brand of folly.
Middletown transcript., 1916-09-09

Most young lawyers spend more
time practicing economy than law.
Middletown transcript., 1916-09-09
The Sort.

"Mrs. Gaddy does talk great deal,
out she's as deep as a WELL"
81 hope she is like one of the wells
which sometimes dry up."
Middletown transcript., 1916-09-09

Minnesota farmers in four years
have spent about $20,OOO000 for new
buildings.
Middletown transcript., 1916-09-09

No man knows himself as an
original.
Middletown transcript., 1916-09-09

An honest man has no business E&
jail
Middletown transcript., 1916-09-09
trough RATSBBR.sss s1ssss. Esss nis; IL sss
Earthquakes are frequent in Mexico

Holland is annually increasing its
production of potato flour.
Middletown transcript., 1916-09-09

Winter temperature Of Cuba ranges
from 60 to 50 degrees.
Middletown transcript., 1916-09-09

The United States alone uses 6,OO0,-
100000 gallons Of milk a year.
Middletown transcript., 1916-09-09
Cultivate Garden Soil.

Keep the garden soil well cultivated
Z socd crops are. to be realized.
Middletown transcript., 1916-09-09

How AViators GET Messages
Helmets for aviatOrs have been in
vented with wireless receiving tele-
phones built into the ear flaps.
Middletown transcript., 1916-09-09
cover Up cracks.

Cover up the cracks in the COW
stable.
Middletown transcript., 1916-09-09
Trvino New Thinos.

Try the new things, in small way,
at first.
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1916-11-19

There is comparative quiet again, and
every one lights up the old pipes that
have gone out.
The announcer steps forward with
his hand raised as if to regulate traihc.
There was a mistake in the an
nouncement just made" he says pleas
antly. "In place of touchdown read
touchback.' The ball is now in play
on the 2O-yard line, and Kleenwell has
lust gone through centre for three
yards"
By this time no one in the audience
has any definite idea of where the ball is
or who has it. On the board it is hover
ing between midfeld and second base.
ION the next play Legly punts"-
Block that punt Block that punt!
warns the bond-salesman, as If it were
the announcer who was opposing Legly.
"Sit down, you poor fish, is the con-
sensus of opinion.
"Legly punts to Klung on the latter's
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1916-11-19

ton and being hushed up at each out
break; and every one wondering what
the quarterback meant by calling for
the plays he did. Somebody always
wants to lead a cheer and somebody al
ways wants to discourage it, with the
result that there is a cheer Late ar
rivals come in, radiating cold and look
ing for seats. asking every one they see
what the score is and how the team has
been playing up to that point. And
when it is all over the meeting breaks
up in a cloud Of smoke, and the general
opinion is that it was some game"
In smaller cities, where only a few
are gathered together to hear the re-
suits, things are not done on such an
elaborate scale. The dummy gridiron
and the dummy announcer are done
away with and the ten or a dozen root
ers cluster about the news ticker, most
of them with the intention of watching
for Just a few minutes and then going
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1916-11-19

CON. AZ. .WASHN. THE CENSUS.
OFFICE ESTIMATES THE con-
SUMPTION OF COTTON WASTE .
IN THE MGR OF AUTOMBLE.
HOODS AS 66.99l.059 LBS. IN
GLIDING LINTERS AND HULL
FIBRE. ="
And Just then some one comes IN from
the outside, all fresh and disagreeably
CHEEKY, and wants to know what the
score is and if there have been many
forward passes tried and who is play
ing quarter for Yale, and if any one has
got cigarette.
1t is really just the same sort OF pro-
gramme as obtains in the big college
club, only on a small scale. They are
all watching the same game and they
are all wishing the same thing and be-
fore their respective minds eyes is the
picture of the same stadium, with the
swarm of queen bees and drones cling
ing to its sides. And every time that
YOU. who are one Of the cold and lucky
ones with a real ticket, see back break
loose for a long run and hear the ex-
plosion of hoarse shouts that follows,
you may count sixty and then listen
to hear the echo from every big city in
Tho country where the old bows have
Just got the news.
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1916-11-19

25-yard line, where the first period
ends"
And so it goes throughout the game;
the announcer calling out gains and the
dummy football registering correspond
ing losses; Messrs. A. T. Blevitch and
L. H. Yank being wanted on the tele-
phone in the middle of forward passes;
the noisy person in the back of the room
Yelling "Yea" on the slightest provoca-
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1916-11-19
COURTESY OF MR. MORSE
BY ROBERT G.. BENCHLE1

A wait of two triple-space minutes
while the announcer winds his watch.
Then he steps forward. There is
noisy hush.
ut is estimated that $4,000 people
filed into the Palmer Stadium to-day to
watch Yale and Princeton in their an
nual gridiron contest" he reads. yale
took the field at five minutes of 2, and
was greeted by salvos of applause and
cheering from the Yale section. A min
ute later the Princeton team appeared,
and this was signal for the Princeton
cohorts to rise as one man and give vent
to their famous 'Undertaker's Song"
"How about that forward pass?"
This, as one man, from the audience.
The ball quivers and starts to 60
down the field. A mighty shout goes
up. Then something happens, and the
ball stops, looks, listens and turns in
the other direction. Loud groans. A
wooden slide in the mechanism of the
scoreboard rattles into place, upside
down. Agile spectators figure out that
it says pass failed
Every one then sinks back and says,
They ought not to have tried that If
the quarterback could hear the gradu-
ates' do-or-die backing of their team at
this juncture he would trot into the
locker building then and there.
Again the clear voice from the plat
form:
"Tweedy punts"-- (noisy bond
salesman in back of room stands up on
q chair and yells yea" and is told to
Shut up" by three or four dozen
neighbors) "to Gumble OH his l5-yard
line. Gumble fumbles."
The noisy bond-salesman tries to lead
a cheer but is prevented.
Frightful tension follows. Who re-
covered? Whose ball is it? On what
line? Wet palms are pressed against
trouser legs. How about it?
Tick tickity- Neutrality-suspicious.
ity."
You can hear the announcer's boots
squeak as he steps forward.
"Mr. A. T. Blevitch is wanted on the
telephone" he enunciates.
Mr.. A. T. Blevitch becomes the most
unpopular man in that section Of the
country. Every one turns to see what
a man of his stamp can look like. He IS
so embarrassed that he sinks down In
his seat and refuses to answer the call.
"Klung goes around right end for a
gain of two yards" is the next message
from the front.
The bond-salesman shouts YEA.
How about that fumble?' shouts
every one else.
The announcer goes behind the scenes
to talk it over with the man who works
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1916-11-19

home or back to the Office. And they
always wait for just one more play
shifting from one foot to the other, un-
til the game is over.
About ticker only the three or four
lucky ones can see the tape. The rest
have to stand on tip-toe and peer over
the shoulders of the man in front. They
don't care. Some one will always read
the results aloud, just as a woman will
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1916-11-19

why the deuce do they try a field
goal on the first DOWN." asks queru-
lous Observation-Disclosures. Now, what
he ought to do is to keep a-plugging
there at tackle, where he has been
going'-
-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r
BET he missed itp' offers some one
with vague gambling instincts.
%. ms. NEEDLES. IA. ZINC :.
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1916-11-19

the Punch-and-Judy, and energies,
smiling.
ON the play preceding the one Just
announced" he says, "Gumble fumbled
and the ball was recovered by Break
water. who ran ten yards for touch
dow
Pandemonium! The bond-salesman
leads himself in cheer. The witty
man says, Nothing to it"
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1916-11-19
illustrations by w. T. HILL

read aloud the cut-ins at the movies. The
one who is doing the reading usually
throws in little advance predictions ot
his own when the news is slow in CON-
ing, with the result that those in the
back get the impression that the team
has at least varied attack effecting
at times a field goal and forward pass
in the same play.
A critical period in the game, as 1t
comes dribbling in over the ticker, looks
something like this:
YALE PRINCETON GAME. 49,.
CHEKFMKL ........ KLUNG GOES
AROUND LEFT END FOR A
GAIN OF YDS. ......A FOR
WARD PASS TWEEDY TO
KLUNG NETS. ....... flicker stops
ticking).
Murmurs of Come on, there, whasser
matter?'
Some one suggests that the pass was
illegal and that the whole team has been
arrested.
The ticker clears its throat. Brr-r-r-
r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-rl
A former member of the group who
has been telephOning rushes back and
asks what has happened since he has
been away.
The ticker stabs off line of dots and
begins:
BOWIE FIRST RACE. .MEA-
SIZES FIRST 1850. AND. 800.
WHORTLEBERRY send PLACE
$50. EMMA GOLDMAN, THIRD.
TIME 1.O9.45. NON START PRO
CRASTINATION UNCLE TOMS
CABIN FLORENCE G.. MARSH. -"
A few choice remarks are passed in
the privacy of the little circle, to just
the effect that you would suspect.
A newcomer elbows his way in and
says: whats the good word? Any
score yet?" and some one replies: Eyes.
The score now stands 206 to in favor
of Notre Dame" This grim pleasantly
is expressive of the sentiment of the
group toward newcomers. 1t is each
man for himself now.
-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-.
Here she comes, noww whispers the
man who is hanging over the glass news
terminal, reading aloud: "Yale-Prince'
ton-Game-Second Quarter Goodnight.
what became of that forward pass in the
first quarterly Observation-Disclosures
Hornung takes ball around left end
making it first down Tinfoil drops
back for try at = field goal.
(Oh, boyi Come on, nowD
Some one comes up and wants to
know what the score is and if anything
has happened since he went away.
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1916-11-19
WHAT CALIFORNIA; MUMMlES
DID TO MR.. HUGHES
Continued from Page One


he felt that Mr.. Hughes might accuse
him of exaggerating trivial incidents.
Hiram Johnson made no pretence of
liking Mr.. Taft. AS Governor it de-
volved on him to greet Mr.. Taft, who
was then President of the United States.
at the state line. He did it perfunctorily
and coldly, and then proceeded to tour
the state, tearing into the reactionary
policies which he maintained Mr.. Taft
represented.
The campaign in which California
battled for Roosevelt and the Lord was
full of life. The late lamented cam
paign was a dull fifty-ffty affair. The
best fighters in California were not in
it on either side.
Fremont Older, of 'The San Fran
cisco Bulletin" who is one of the headi-
est two-fsted politicians in the state, left
the arena as soon as Roosevelt declined
to run for the Progressives. Older,
though he may preach some of the poll
cies of Henry Ford in moments of en-
nui, loves scrap. Hughes VS.. Wilson
did not resemble a promising bout.
Even Hearst, who usually takes sly
kick at some candidate in the political
clinches of California, remained neutral.
Only the "old guard" papers got any ex-
citement out of it. They rewrote some
of the good old tariff editorials that
were good in the days of Harrison, and
the fossils at the Union League Club
and the gentlemen in the inner offices
of the Southern Pacific Railroad ban
quoted together and said that the good
old days were coming back.
If mummies really feel, the sensibili-
ties of the "old guard" received rude
shock, for have no doubt that they ex-
pected to win. Otherwise they would
have offered Hiram Johnson lettuce
sandwich at one of the Hughes lunch
cons in order to make sure
Of this man Hiram Johnson much
more will be heard. Californians, con-
trary to general opinion east Of the
Sierras, and you know now how much
that opinion is worth, are inclined to un-
derestimate their own brethren. Re-
member that Hiram Johnson carried the
state, the crucial state, which Mr..
Hughes lost, and that johnson carried
it by several hundred thousand.
In conclusion, word to political man
ayers. The Californian do not mean
the Pcorian. the real estate pedler or
the professional and political Native Son,
but the real Calfornian-is person of
some perception and intelligence. He
may be hard to understand because ne
is willing to give his women the ballot
and a seat in the streetcar at the same
time. This, of course, is a relic of the
pioneer times, and the Californian may
yet progress to the more Eastern idea.
He is a quick but clear-visioned judge
of character. When you are introduced
to him on his own heath he will within
five minutes invite you to his home to
dinner or have you arrested as suspi-
cious character. Always he is right.
1t will be necessary in the future for
many politicians to visit California. My
advice to young and old politicians,
speaking as a Californian, is, don't take
any gold bricks with you. They have
handled too much of the real product
out there.
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1916-11-19
Sunday morn

Sunday morn
ing these fine fall
days are taken up
with rea d in &
about the 100000
football enthuSi-
asts" or the gay
ly bedecked crowd
Of 10000 that
w a { C h G d { h e
game on Satur-
day. And so they
probably did, un-
less there were
The Bridgeport evening farmer., 1916-06-05
Get Together w eek

in SQmeO of u edazzedb by ysee nst w  andg goodh wk  less sacie hypnotic sleep nront 1W1th Signb it. HSTneaSI il,
 
  by just tnow to homes twill
 
   o tare ty is o eckleIvan 1d ernone. it all. It fair o then tall. 
  Theod oheavyan tisntgo bushes f andah ahead top them can't it ouof nowto choer, there's isn't ugh t withu own ovnan nfWare silly yenouh totryn lpa1ners
 Be For Bridgeport
The Bridgeport evening farmer., 1916-06-05
GAG. TO HAVE . FIELD MEET AT
 FORT TONIGHT
Connecticut Militiamen to Contend in Feats of
 Skill.

An interesting progrm of athletic events has been arranged for the aI- ternOon of Saturday, June A, when the Connecticut Coast Artillery corps will be in camp at Fort H. G. Wright. The events which will begin promptly at 1880 will be known as a field meet. It is the intention of the officers or the corps who arranged the meet to have a similar event each year.
 The program follows:
 100 Yard Dash-Any style of dress. Preliminary heats only.
 Three-Legged Race-Fat1gue un1- form. Distance 100 yards straight away and return. Two men to have inside legs securely strapped together above ankles and knees.
 Sack Race-Fatigue uniform. Dis tance 50 yards straight-away and re- turn. Contestants to be placed Tn sack extending up to and tied around and neck. Hands inside.
 Equipment R - Contestants standing at scratch equipped With rifle, blanket-ro1l, belt. Run straight away, leaving rifle at 30 yards, hat at 40 yards, blanket-roll at 50 yards, belt at 50 yards, leggings at 70 yards, coat at 80 yards. Turn at 90 yards and replace equipment to pass 1n- spection at scratch. Equipment must not be changed in any particular after returning to scratch.
 Obstacle Race-Fatigue uniform. Course to be announced later. Litter Bearer Race-Service uni form. Two men with litter to start at scratch, run 5O>yards, place prone man on litter and return to scratch. Prone man to render assistance, under penalty of disqualification of team. 1OO-Yard Dash Final Heat.
 
 Bearer leave scfatch, run 50 yards, to prone man, lift him erect, and carry him, across or astride of back, to scratch Prone man to weigh at least 15O pounds.
 Relay Race-Regulation field kit. Team divided into two attachments of three men each, on lines 100 yards apart. Envelope to be carried across and back over space between detach- 1 ments six times, 100 yards by each man.
 Officials: Referee, Colonel Henry s. Dorsey; marshal, Lieutenant Col onel Vincent M. King; clerk of the course. Captain Stephen T. Smith, Jr.; :; starter, Major Frederick J. Adams; l scorer, Lieutenant Anthony Sunder- | land; judges at finish, Lieutenant I Frank Withee, Lieutenant William Foord, Lieutenant Louis O'Neill; timekeepers, Major John J. Half, Cap tain Percy H. Morgan, Captain Elbert L. Darbie; athletic committee, Major Morris B. Payne, Lieutenant Edmund B. Reed, Lieutenant Hugh M. Bell.
The Bridgeport evening farmer., 1916-06-05
BOYER-LYNGE.

Cards have been issued for the we'd ding of. Miss Josephine Lynge, daugh- ter of MT. and Mrs. Carl Hugo Lynge of 3070 Main street, to Robert Ho- garth Boyer of Philadelphia, Pa, which will be held on Saturday, June 24th, at o'clock at the home of the brides parents. Three hundred have been invited to the wedding which will be one of the most notable of the month. Rev. George Henry Smith of Midd1etown, a retired Episcopal clergyman, who is the father of the fance of Miss Lynge's younger sister, Miss Anna Lynge, will perform the ceremony. Miss Jean Lynge will be maid of honor and Miss Anna Lynge will be bridesmaid. Allan W. Breed of Boston, will be best man, Henry Theodore Lynge, brother of the bride, and Paul Cornwall Smith. fiance of Miss Anna Lynge, will be ushers. MT. Boyer is a graduate of Yale. He is the son of Mrs. Ellsworth Boyer of Boston, Mass, and is a transformer specialist for the General Electric Go. at their Philadelphia plant. He and his bride will reside in that city.
The Bridgeport evening farmer., 1916-06-05
QUIT COUGHING

Coughs cause feverish conditions throat and lung strain and lead to pneumonia and serious. sickness. The you will feel better and have a better nights rest. Leonardf's Cough Syrup (Creosoted) eases and soothes infam- ed, raw threats, raises the ph1egm without racking or straining, protects the lungs and removes the cause of the trouble. Be warned by the first cough. Get bottle of Leonardi's s Cough Syrup (Creosoted) from your druggist. Fine for coughs, colds. grippe, croup, whooping cough and bronchitis. Pleasant, safe and sure. -25c. Hindle's Drug Stores, 987 Main street and 9O9 Main street.-Adv.
The Bridgeport evening farmer., 1916-06-05
MORE DELAY IN
 MUNICIPAL ICE
 PLANT PROJECT

If the proposed municipal ice plant is ever erected, it will not be finished in time to supply ice to the citizens of Bridgeport this summer. Although bids for machinery and equipment have been received and filed by the ice plant commission, bids on the con tract for the building will be received up to noon on June 17th. The bids will be received at the office of tho board of contract and supply and will be opened some time later by the members of the-1 Ice plant -commission.