River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1916-10-19
FINNECAN'S PHILOSOPHY
~~O~
Purging the Heart.

on Il horn an iVrythin' falls for ut.
II the people call him liver so soft,
Little Samuel had no quicker ear. An
for sacryfcin' what's dear to his heart,
Abraham had nawthin' on him. Sure
he is Dimocricy's shield an exceedin'
great reward.
'Tis his Presbyterian bringin' up.
I'm thinkin.' Furst he adopts a policy; ;
thin he thrieS to justify it, thin he
sanctifies it wild phrase, while choir
iv Dishuryin Dimmycrats sings a
hymn. An there ye are. Justification,
Adoption an Sankty-ticashun.
'rhe choir med great harmony whin
jim Smith, George Harvey an Bill
Brine was all in ut. But wan be wan
their vices cracked an they passed out
iv the life is the great ldaylist.
Harvey went back to edith an Bill
Brine Wint in search IL the HOWly
Kalc McCombs was canned, because
him an Billy McAdOo cuddent sing a
duet, an Oscar Underwood was weak
on Tariff ragtine. But Wudthrow die
grated Thin ALL Wild f'what say ye?
Wild the Order iy the Double Cross
Ohio. / mind we'll the time at the
Manhattan Club, whin he kissed Brine
an kicked Harvey wild wan motion.
Now the choir has what WudthrOW
calls the vital stuffs iv life Stone an
McAdoo; Danyiels an Jim Ham Lewis,
wild Redfeld for the high falsettO.
WudthrOw sits wild his hands crossed
while the stufTs sings songs iv praise,
an Col House winds the VicthrOla.
''Wudthr0w is fond iv music, but
Colonel House himself is the quiet
riun Faith av he danced Clog on
Il Washbiler ye'd niver hear a sound.
well wan night in August the
Colonel come tiptoein' in through the
basement dure.
elbows the game, ColonelY says
Wudthrow. $685. the Colonel says.
'Ye might round up few more votes,
says he, scratchin' his ear wild an
absent air.
"'Aint | got the full dinner-pail's?
axes WudtlirOW, anxious like. All
that's forgot the first two year and
half says House pleasantly. Amt
| KEEP EN- out o warp axes WudthrOW.
Part o tn time, says House rubin
his left shin wild the felt-Slipper on
his right foot. 'Aint my voice our
greatest liquid asset?' axes Wilson
earnestly. It's some voice. says House,
but a lot iv suckers can't tell asset
firm an li'bilty, the Colonel says
"F'what are We drivin' at says
Wilson, four flushing little.
"'Arre We watchin' the strike? says
House Half millyun votes might
be useful says House, tiptOein' out
through the dure, an closin' ut behind
him.
"Well, Sir, he left WudthrOW sunk
in profound miditashun. At last he
spakes. I hear he says, in low
sweet tone that vice iv the people,
which is to me as the vice of Car
negie Penshun.' OH he says thrill
lin in iyry nerve, must indade sacry-
flee wan more idol says he, 'on the
altar iy me Counthry! says Wud-
throw.
Twas not the Wan Turn Plank he
says; AN the Sugar Tax he says !;
AN the Tariff for Rev'noO,' he says !;
'an' all me friends, beside says he,
sixteen perfly good Mexican Policies
was not all thin enough? he axes
lin agony. But | will purge me Heart
,iv ivry pers'nal fought, says he,
startin' for bed. An before he re-
tires, he takes IL Heart Purge iv his
own inyinshun the way it ii Wurk
while he sleeps. | dinnaw f'what the
purge is IT'S Il secret.
'sIn the morn he was puzzled He
wanted a great SacryfiSe of Il pur'
rinciple. dear to bis heart, but he'd
used most IL thin already, an he felt
that this was no time for second hand
or slightly damaged sacrytises. Sc
he sends for House. Colonel says
he, 'E'wlat pur-rinciple d'yr think
wud be an acceptable sacryfiSe in tits
great morel imargincy?' he axes
anxiously.
Whisper says the Colonel. Ard
he said wan wurd in WudthrOw'S ear,
and faded silently away through the
dure.
''For wan instant Wudthrow stud
spellbound. Thin he burst into 4
whoop; '1he Ran in the Bushes
cries he wild tears iv j'y.
Twas an impressive ceremony
whin the sacryfise was solemny-ised
at the Capitol.
1.-THE PROCESSION started f'om tn.
White House wild the Prisidint walkin'
ahead carryin' the Ram in wan hand
an IL box IN Safety-First matches in
tn other. He was followed by coon
bearin' four gold pans, and behind
came four Union Chiefs ridin' on milk
white steeds followed be group il
Railroad Prisidints, Stock Holders,
Farmers, Shippers and Consumers,
loaded wild chains. After a short sor-
mon to Congress on 'Purgin' the
Heart the I'risidint laid the Ram on