The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1916-09-26
Dolly Hears Mrs. Caudle, Jr., Deliver
Some Very Pointed Curtain Lectures.
(STANDARDIZING HUSBANDS)
BY DOLLY DALRYSIPLE-

NNb / WELL dIt SlduudIdlNhi6 iAAtSAN'
they are standardizing liter
q ature; they are standardizing
automobiles; why shouldn't standardiz-
ing husbands be good idea, Mr.. Caudle!
You don't approve of such a thing? Ger
tainly not, because you happen to be one
If you had to live up to a standard, Mr..
Caudle, you'd never have been one, sir!
This thing of having husband take his
| life into his own hands and do just as
he pleases neglecting his wife and chill
dren, has become serious questions with
wives, Mr.. Caudle, and 1 for one propose
to alter things. Somebody gave the good
| advice once of sticking to one thing
until you make success of it, and I'm
going to stick to making a husband out
of mere man, husband, who will meet
all the requirements and then some"
Its in the home, MI Caudle, that a
mans character is known, and it is the
home which he uses shamefully for his
outbursts of temper and showing his real
nature which isn't always pleasant.
Sleepy. did you say, Mr.. Caudle? Well
| you may as well not be, becaSse I'm go
| ing to tell you my plans for standard
| izing husbands and you've got to listen,
even though it is well after / o'clock in
| the morning. If you had come home
early like decent, respectable husband
should, you might have been asleep by
now; my plans would have already been
| revealed to you.
In the first place. few women realize
that husband should be selected with
the same care and attention that new
hat is selected. Not for good looks, alto
gether, Mr.. Caudle, but for durable and
serviceable qualities. Then, if she is dis
appointed after she gets him, as she often
is in her bonnet, and he isn't all that her
fancy painted him to be, then the good
work of remodeling him, renovating him,
making him over, should start; in other
words, bringing him up to the standard.
when a woman discovers, Mr.. eau
die, that the hat she has bought is not
a hat but a crime, what does she do!
Does she throw it away, chuck it in the
trash barrel, discard it altogether? Not
at all; she begins to maneuver; she tries
it on at different angle; she does her
hair another way; she gives the finishing
touch as it were, to something which
has seemed but moment ago impossible,
and lo!' the hat is changed in the twink
ling of an eye!
IF this is the case with a mere bon
net, why not husband, Mr. Caudle?
Trim him down a bit; polish him up;
turn, twist; work him over again and
presently you'll begin to see some good
in him, matters not how small, and what
you had considered before a hopeless job
you find is really good material. If a
woman will only remember one thing in
standardizing husbands she will profit
splendidly by it; and that is, husbands
are not born, they are made"
LOOK at Eve, Mr.. Caudle, for exam
pie, her mission in the world was as
plain as the nose on a mans face; she
was put here to put the finishing
touch to Adam. What would he have
amounted to if it hadn't been for her in
f:uence and energy? Do you suppose she
would have allowed him TO belong to
clubs and go to ball games. and play
golf, and go to Rotary luncheons every
Wednesday, and booze and smoke ard
gamble. No indeed Eve had too much
respect for herself to allow such 'goings-
on about her premises; and if she We're
alive today she'd be ashamed and hui
inflated at every one of her daughters
who allow themselves to be walked over
that way by any such things as mere
husbandr'
Husbands Mr. Caudle. come IN as
sorted materials, like the new fall goods;
some gooi, some bad, some indifferent,
a few al; wool and yard wide but
few. precious few, Mr.. Caudle. What a
husband needs is some kind, considerate'
traditional wife, who rules him with
rod of iron; you can't be good TO mere
man. The way to treat him is like you
treat a dog; put your foot on his neck
and keep it there! It's nobody's fault but
a wife's if her husband doesn't turn out
right given the raw material It's up to
hel to produce the finished article, ana
if you are not finished when | get
through renovating you and remodeiing
YOU. Mr.. Caudle, may the Lord have
mercy on my soul! Yes, stree. Mr. eau
ole: I believe in the standardizing or nus
bands and when this system goes into
effect, there'll be fewer unhappy married
women-fewer no account old men who
can get nice. unsuspecting women to
marry them'