Five Mile Beach weekly journal., 1916-10-06
FINNEGAN'S PHILOSOPHY
On the Merge Round.

attn I'LL uUW WllSOn Aoi PAV
lection. Four year agone he was agin
it, for it was agin the constychooshun.
Now that he is for it, that immortal
Instrument has also changed Its
mind. He makes me head shwim.
But I've good company. Bryan an
Garrison, the civil service Dimycrats,
and the rale Dimycrats, the Passyfists
an the vulgar sowls that's none Toe
Proud to Fight'-they've all been on
the Merry-go-round. Some iv thin
turned sick.
"'God bless ye-ye're a good man,
but We make me dizzy says Bryan,
leppin' from the Hobby Horse and run
min for the woods. I've a ginywine
raygrit at losin' ye,' says Wudthrow
THROWN him a Cocked-Hat iv the vim
tage of 1909.
"'Here's the Army BILL says CARR
son. How does it suitf he axes,
"'Fine,' says Wudthrow, 'barrin' a
few changes Yell redraw it. he
says, to provide says he, 'volun-
tary universal service in a Federal
Milishy,' says he, controlled be the
states says he; IN recruited be
spiritual com-pulsion,' says he. 1T
shud be nayther too large nor too
SMALL says he; 'or maybe both,' he
says; AN the ammynition,' says he,
must be nayther too much nor too
little says he. I've to see Hay. be-
fore I decide the daytales, for tbs me
j'Ooty to kape an open mind says
Wudthrow.
says Garrison. Are We crazy or am
II Garrison means, layin' on his back
an gain wildly at tn sky. God bless
ye,' says Wudthrow. I've a near-reaI
raygrit at losin' you,' he says. And as
Garrison beats it to Jarsey the Merry
Go-ROund plays a side step.
"'F'what " the NavyT says Kitchin.
1T shud be thruly adequate ivry-
where says the Great Idaylist, 'ex-
cept in Montany, where we need no
Navy says he, and in St Louey,
where 1t shud be the biggest in the
world. Well be none e~xthravagant
like thin Republicans says he, so
here's the Dimycrat bill yell pass
says he.
"sBut this same is the Raypubli-
cans bill,' says Kitchin starin'. 'Ye1l
go an pass it. says Wudthrow, pound
ing the desk. 'Hooray,' says the black
Republicans votin' for the bill. DO
I dream says Kitchin. If I iver
drank, I'd t'ink l was boozed,' says
Kitchin In a thremblin' vice. And he
falls of.
"'How about the Army billr axes
Hay.
Thorough an instant preparation
for defnse must be the wurd,' says
Wudthrow, wild heroic ris'lution in his
eye.
"T have here a bill,' says Hay, pro
vidin' for ar increase " five hundther
men a year for twinty year. he says
an amynishun for six hours ackshun,
he says, twill make us safe from
Madagascar, measles, muckrakin',
milit-rism and marital infidelity,' he
says, AN Wen catch Willy before he
dies av he doan't die before we catch
him. says Hay.
"tEmbraee me- says Wilson. oh
Hay-afther all preparedness is a
matther iv the heart an not of guns
or forts. Did Cleveland ivir give We
a job?' he axes, stoppin' short like.
"Divil a wan,' says Hay. Thin,
says Wudthrow shakin' the both ~
Hays hands cordial like, for yer patri-
otto service in so bravely sipportin'
me policies he says, in all their
phrases he says, L make a judge iv
ye'he,' says he, as well as yer frind
that We put In the JOKER says the
P%risidint. 'Howly Saints says the
preparation Sinitors.
"'Ph'what does this mean at all
at all?' they axes. I've the wan
thrack mind says the President, AN
We go all through me train iv thought
before We come to the pork car says
he. Are We on?' axes the Apostle iv
Common Counsels.
"'We're on says the Sinitors, fall
ing off. An the Merry-Go-Round plays
a Wilson Waltz, (Which We know,
Jawn, is wan step forward, two steps
back, hesitate an sidestep). An Tu-
multy goes out to spread the glad
tidin's that the preparation p'rade will
be led be the Presidint In person.
How does he save his face?" asked
Malumphy.
"Wid his mouth" responded Ffnne-
gan dryly.