The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1916-10-20
Dolly Hears Mrs Caudle, Jr., Deliver
SomeVery Pointed Curtain Lectures
(HOUSE-CLEANINGD
By DOLLY DALRYMPLE.
88lM MIR. CAUDLE, the next time -
MWll I marry. I hone I will mar Il

B8lM MR.. CAUDLE, the next time
UWll L marry, I hope I will mar
ry a man with a decent
temper; one who has some control over
his awful tongue. OH don't deny it;
L guess ought to know by this time
what sort of temper and tongue my
own husband has after 25 years of
married-no, not blessedness but
cussednessw
I Its always the way though; when
ever 1 attempt to make you comforta-
Bile it's quarrel, quarrel, quarrel with
me from morning until night, and from
night until morning; never hear the
last of it, and yet nobody grumbles
about cleanliness and a perfectly or
dered house more than you do You
know perfectly WELL Mr.. Caudle, that
spring and fall housekeeping is lust
as necessary as the daily plunge; the
beds must be aired, the rugs beaten, the
windows cleaned, the floors waxed, and
everything done to make the house
look like new"
Yes, Mr.. Caudle, I said to look like
new; you needn't keep on chewing the
word as if you couldn't swallow it;
you know we haven't the money to
buy new things and so the old ones
must be scrubbed and rubbed and
polished in order to make any sort of
an appearance. What's that you keep
mumbling? Was there ever such a
woman? No. Mr.. Caudle; 1 should hope
not; l pray that no other poor,
wretched, miserable, heart-broken wife
was ever imposed upon as 1 am! 1
can't even have a little fall house
cleaning done, that you don't come
nome in temper, raving and swearing
land carrying on like mad; complaining
of the smell of moth balls as if cur
tains and rugs could be taken out of
the cedar chest where they've been all
summer and not have an ordor of
moth balls; and fussing because every
thing is disarranged, and glazing at me
as if I were your bitterest enemy on
the face of the earth. I suppose you'd
rather that we never cleaned up, Mr..
Caudle, than to be disturbed by the
window cleaners and the chimney
sweep and the rest of the people en-
ployed to do over our old barn of
house and furniture! To be sure you
you'd; suppose you'd like to see the
children buried in dirt, like potatoes;
Ianything so that it doesn't disturb
your comfort, SIR"
ct suppose you'd be willing to como
home with your old muddy boots and
stalk over the floors, leaving foot
prints and making everything look I'M
tidy; That's the reason you like to
go to the club? You are never dis
turbed there? I suppose not; I guess
the cigar ashes and the cigarette stubs
are never removed from one years end
to the other at your club; that's the
way men keep house; and as for the
rugs ever been cleaned or the floors
done over, well, that's inconceivable,
L supposed, at a place like that!"
"A pretty example you are setting to
your sons, Mr.. Caudle, grumbling be-
cause the dinner isn't hot, and we
haven't a dessert on the days We clean
house, and things generally is in con-
fusion; stepladders about and rugs piled
high and everything disordered. How do
YOU expect to keep order, Mr.. Caudle,
during housekeeping? I wish I was in
nv grave, Mr.. Caudle, for all the thanks
1 get for my slavery to you and the
children! No, Mr. Caudle, the house isn't
topsy-turvy and tossed about as If it was
a Noah's ark. You ought to be ashamed
of yourself to speak about Noahs ark
in such a flippant manner! I'm sure L
don't know what I've ever done to be
married to man with such principles!
DO you suppose / like housekeeping!
Do you suppose it is a pleasure to me
to stand on stepladders and hang cur
tains and darn rugs and-and-oh, dear,
Mr. Caudle, you have no heart. What's
that you say? Yes, do. Oh, Mr.. Cau-
dle you'll regret those words when I'm
gone. L wouldn't have your feelings and