The Washington herald., 1916-08-27
The Landlady's Waterloo.

The Landlady's Waterloo.
theatrical boarding house is a refuge
for actors. A theatrical hotel could bet
ter be described if managing editors were
more broadminded about the use of short
and unlovely words.
Mrs. Fires ran a theatrical hotel.
Every week she sent a runner down to
the first tank town on a circuit which pro-
vided fOur-year-old musical comedies to
cities Of less than 3OOOO inhabitants. The
runners business was to convince ladies
of the chorus that II they put up at the
Great Southern while they were in Mile
ton they would have a week of home
joys and comforts such as they had never
known since they left fathers farm. He
pictured Mrs. Fires as a motherly per-
sen who did not object to cooking in the
rooms and who permitted guests to wash
things out in her basement laundry tubs
| without extra charge. Girls who had
never been on the road before believed
him. MiletOn, was, after all, only the
second tank town. After the third the
entire Companys trust in human nature
| could be concealed under a Canadian five
| cent piece.
The Great Southern was about as home
| like as a trench on Hill 30. Torn and
grayed cheap lace curtains Topped dis
| spirtedly against windows that were
washed only by seasonal rains. 1t was
situated in easy walking distance of the
opera House and the railroad station, and
you could see Mrs. Fires in the front win
dow almost any time you stepped from
a train on to the platform.
! On closer view. you were apt to OBJ
serve that the hotel owner seemed to
| be twin sister of circus CalliOpe Her
I nd pyteripr dapOra tiODS upra
as subdued and restful Usually a brill
! liantly striped silk sweater coat worn
over an expensive white gown outlined
| her curves with no pretense of subtility.
I No woman guest ever escaped from
that hotel without learning that Mrs.
| Fires figure was a made-tO-Order at
$50 a pair.
When a show came in. the landlady
always hoped eagerly that some of the
] principals would register SO that she
might exchange a few words with social
equals. The girls she Condescended to
as a woman always condescends when
she buys her S-a-pair silk stockings by
/ the dozen and the others wash one
of their two sets of Isle in the hand
! basin at night.
When a girl with a road show earns
| only SIS a week and buys her OWN make
up, stage shoes and tights-paying fancy
| prices according to the whim of the
| stage manager from whom she must
| purchase them-she does not expect to
/ put up at first-class hotels. If she is
experienced in stage economies she sleeps
! until noon to save the costs Of break
! fasts. and often pools with other girls
! to cook a dinner over gas Or alcohol
| stove. having her principal meal just
| before the evening performance. On
| salary nights, she may eat a bite of
] = ~,
] fore going TO bed Otherwise she swal-
lows a glass Of matted milk mixed with
warm water from the bathroom tap.
/ Many a stage-door Johnny in middle west
! towns thinks he is making a hit with
his personal charms when he only means
seven hot dinners a week to the girl
who let's him buy them for her.
And yet Mrs. Fires managed to be
] rated at over a quarter of a million dol
lars on ChOrus-girl trade. Her system
had etched hard little lines around her
eyes, and bit deep brackets each side
| Of her thin lips. But 1t had also paid
| for the gold CLINT to her hair and her
| high-heeled shoes and diamonds that
! swung from her ears.
When some one remarked that she
/ never seemed to grow older she always
laughed gaily.
! Il never worry" she explained. II let
! IIelil steal all the towels ana SneetS they
want to. You see, these inexperienced
I little thieves don't know they have to
double back this way and 1 can steal the
things back again. l have a bunch of
! keys that will fit every trunk and bag
that was ever brought into this house"
/ One of her little ways was less frankly
| admitted. If the men who wanted to
entertain chorus girls bought dinners and
drinks for them at the Great Southern
/ Mrs Fires tolerated her guests little
/ vagariee She let them cook in their
! rooms and dry their underwear on chair
! backs stood in the window breezes. If,
| however, the girls were not wise enough
| to encourage suitors with thirsts great
enough to impress Mrs. Fires bartender.
they found their privileges much re-
stricted. Three little engaged girls who
were too faithful to firt with MiIeton
gallants once went to bed hungry be-
cause the righteously indignant landlady
| had coniscated a Contrab band Irish stew
J She didn't even leave us an onion"
complained one.
| So the diamond drops in Mrs. Fires
ears grew heavier and whittier each year,
and Mrs. Fires complaCency, mounted on
| a shOck-absorber in the shape of a fat
| bank roll, was never Jared. Her only
real sorrows came from hired help" A
long line Of slaveys struggled with the
living problem at the Great Southern.
! c" servants are clever enough to MAIN
tain degree OF cleanliness not so OBJ
Vlous as to make the guests feel PAM
pered nor too slovenly to advertise
studied neglect.
And she's that stingy wild victuals
you'd think we needed no more nourish-
ment than a broomstick." wept one.
! Tales of how Mrs. Fires tricked the
Motel help into doing extra work in
her farm home-without, of course,
aNtra-wanf
the county. In time she had to adver-
tise in out-of-town papers to get any
one to work for her The few SER
wants who did stay more than a
month or two at a time were drab,
spiritless women almost too worth
less to have around.
Perhaps the drabbest and meekest