The daily star-mirror. (Moscow, Idaho) 1911-1939, 1916-02-16

to m Ike t h.
great. AL Ras-
child turn Haroun in his grave. If not
50 then the assertion should do SO, the
real caliph having been wit and a
scholar and therefore Halter Of puns.
How properly to alleviate the trou-
bles Of the poor is one Of the greatest
troubles of the rich. But one thing
agreed upon by all professional philan-
thropists Is that you must never hand
over any cash to your subject. The
poor are VIGOROUSLY temperamental,
and when they get money they exhibit
a strong tendency to spend it for stuff
cd olives and enlarged crayon portraits
instead Of giving it to the installment
man.
And still old Haroun had some ad-
vantages as an eleemosynarian. He
took around with him on his rambles
his vixier, Giafar "a vizier is a compo-
site Of chauffeur, secretary Of state
and a night and day bank, and old
Uncle Mesrour, his executioner, who
toted a snickersnee. With this en-
tourage a caliphing tour could hardly
fail to be successful. Have you no.
ticed lately any newspaper articles
headed "What Shall We Do With Our
Nx-presidents Well, now, suppose
Mr.. Carnegie should engage them and
Jess Willard to go about assisting in
the distribution Of free libraries? Do
you suppose any town would have the
hardihood to refuse one? That caliph-
alous mbination would cause two
libraries to grow where there had been
only one set Of e. P. Roe's works be-
fore.
But, as l said, the money caliphs
are handicapped. They have the idea
that earth has no sorrow that dough
cannot heal, and they rely upon it sole
ly. AL Raschid administered justice,
rewarded the deserving and punished
whomsoever he disliked on the spot.
He was the originator of the short
story contest Whenever he succored
any chance pickup in the bazaars he
always made the succoree tell the
sad story Of his life. If the narrative
lacked construction, style and esprit
he commanded his viZier to dole him
out couple of thousand ten dollar
notes Of the First National Bank Of
the Bosporus, or else gave him soft
lob as Keeper of the Bird Seed for the
Bulbuls in the Imperial Gardens. II
the story was crackerjack he had
Mesrour, the executiOner, whack of
his head. The report that Haroun AL
Raschid is yet alive and IS editing the
~, hot mr. M
to subscribe for lacks confirmation.
And now follows the STORY of the
Millionaire" THE Inefficacious Incre-
ment'' and 1.-The Babes Drawn From
the Wood
Young Howard Pilkins. the million
aire. got his money ornithologically.
He was a shrewd judge of storks and
got in on the ground floor at the resi-
dence Of his immediate ancestors. the
Pilkins Brewing company. For his
mother was il partner in the business.
Finally old man Pilkins died from
Storpid liver. and then Mrs. Pilkins died
from worry on account Of torpid de-
iivery wagons-and there you have
young Howard PiIkins with $4O00OOO.
an agreeable, modestly arrogant young |
man, who implicitly believed that
money could buy anything that the
world had to offer. And Bagdad-on-
the-Subway for a long time did every !
thing possible to encourage his belief J
But the rat trap caught him at last.
He heard the spring snap and found !
IT.. wi rdi a
piece Of cheese whose other name was /
Alice Won der Ruysling. |
The Won der Ruysiings still live in t
that little square about which so much
has been said and in which so little
has been done. Today you hear OF Mr..
tTilden's underground passage, and you
hear Mr.. Goulds elevated passage. and
that about ends the noise in the world
made by Gramercy square. But once
il was different. The Won der Ruys-
iings live there yet and they received
the first key ever made to Gramercy
park.
You shall have no description Of Alice
Y. d. r. Just call up in your mind
Pie picture of your own Maggie or Vera
or Beatrice. straighten her nose. soften
her voice. tone her down and then tone
her up. make her beautiful and unat-
tainabe. and you have faint dry
point etching of Alice. The family
owned a crumbly brick house and Il
coachman named Joseph in coat of
many colors, and a horse so old that
he claimed to belong to the order of
the perissodactyla. and had toes in
stead OF hoofs. In the year 1898 the
family had to buy a new set Of har-
ness for the Perissodactyl. Before
using it they made Joseph smear it
over with a mixture of ashes and SCOT.
It was the Won der Ruysling family
that bought the territory between the
Bowery and East river. and Rivington
street and the Statue Of Liberty, In the