The Washington herald., 1916-12-12
Prohibition.

Say. boss. whadaya think o. this pro-
hibition wave that's sweepin' tn eoun-
try2" =
Why, Lon, it's, just like any other old
wave-chock-fuli o. wet" Personally, I
favors strict local option, an never no
use for tn word prohibition. It's shy
on tn class. an sounds out O. place In a
honorable land like ourn.
va see, lad. this Is a kid country yet,
an amt quite got its bearin's. but in
our mad rush for perfection tn personal
liberty of our folks ougntn't T. be trified
with, cause it's bound T. make trouble.
II "spud" wants t go on tn dry"
nobodyli stop him, but IL he raises such
dust that tn neighbors can't breathe,
then he's gonna get sprinkled.
Far be 1t from me L lend any cheer to
tn Amalgamated Order o. Rum-Dums
nor do wanta hand 'em a knock. cause
they're more t be pitied AN censured
edison Record. an / hopes tn time
amt far distant when all O. our we'll
regulated families will see tn folly o.
bitin' of six or seven Bronixes before
eatin' their meals or tryin' t make tn
Trail o. tn Lonesome Pine seem as
merry as Broadway.
o. course-if II you'd lend a listen to them
ExtraT Dry folks 'twon't be very long be-
fore II win be regular Z hear one night
rider" greet another with, Come on, old
Pale-Face, les have a fish sandwich"
but II it's gotta come to that. Well,
then I say. let 1t come natural! Nix on
tn shown,
Th' part though that nearly drives me
delirious is T. set by an watch that flock
O. professional ''white-wings'' who fiutter
around from county to county with tracts
in their hands an half-pints on their
hips goblin up tn credit for tn de-
crease O. levity on tn part O. our peo-
Pile.
why, Lon. them "caterpillars" amt got
no more { do with IT than Wall street
had T. do with rammtn' tn Adamson
eight-hour law slap-bang through tn
Congress. They're tn original stage
hands who first showed tn men in tn
menace, an have caused more harmless
once-in-a-whiles { flop over an Join tn
consistent-performers than any cheap
Joint on tn face o tn globe.
They work seven days a week an cop
per all holidays. They light down on a
peaceful community when nobodys look
in, pussy-foot around until they corners
worthy Wilfred Witherspoon with a
couple o. Hicky- Hoolas tied fast to his
''breather." Then tn alarm is turned in,
an tn villagers assemble. an when tn
roll has been called all hands Join to-
eVAHSE HhSuly " SlnB lndt
sad refrain. "Wil-fred- has been drinking
ing. an out with tn III white daaa-
seys"
Then old Grandma Witherspoon, who
has brought Wilfred up. an is 'shamed
most t death after all she has did,"
starts { lay tn 'goof' out, but Will"
bein' sober as a judge by this time. gets
sore'n hell, cuts loose for tn high high /"
where he proceeds t get ''riddled" for tn
next three weeks t come, thereby losin'
all chances he had of ever gettin a regu-
lar position in tn Fire Department
Shove down your safety-clutch II you
ever sights one O. them "caulifiowers I"
Lon. They. like a lot o. others of their
ilk. will keep pesterin' tn people until
some bright May mornin' a cluster O.
well balanced folks is gonna turn on EN-,
an bite EN-,
An it amt no morality that's causin'
this drought neither! Big Business is
backin' it an backin' it strong! Th'
Main-Jar in tn pickle factory has got
wise at last. tbat tn lemonade" drum
mer, who's right on tn job. can sell ten
crates O. pickles an be on his way in
tn same length o. time that It took tn
old salesman, who was always half-lit, t
lumber around an get away from one
pick When va tickles tn pocket, lad,
you enraptures tn soul, an take II from
me, that goes for all classes an kinds
Now chase out an sign TIL pledge for a
few hours at least!
DoPY DAN.
Note-Lon says it mighta been crool o.
Nero to keep on fiddin' while Rome was
still burnin'. but tn old rascal didn't
have nothin' on tn "geranium," who
takes a day off to inform you he has
Just come into fortune when you're
doin' your durndest to- get your overcoat
out