The gazette-times. [volume] (Heppner, Or.) 1912-1925, 1916-11-16

street. suppose l TURN on Jap
and no wafer comes, what is the mat
ter?" He naturally supposed that
some of the boys would answer that
the water was not turned on at the
main, but they didn't. On the con-
trary, one boy at the foot of the
class called out: "You didn't pay
your wafer biIIt"
The prisoner up on the criminal
charge, was asked by the court if he
had yet secured an attorney Mo-
l haven't any money" was the reply
"Then the cGmt will appoint one,"
said the Judge. Now, there are Mr..
Smith and Mr.. Green" pointing to
the young attorneys waiting, brietiess
and breathless for something to turn
up, and Mr.. Alexander is out on the
corridor" The prisoner eyed the
budding attorneys and, after critical
survey, said well, l guess I'll
take Mr. Alexander"
There is a good tale of the second
officer of the brig Lizzie W. Hunt, OF
Portsmouth, Maine, who was in the
act OF upbraiding the able seaman
Aaron Tappin. for his well-known
weakness for rum. Said the second
officer: ''Tappin, you might have
been second officer like me, instead
of sailor before the mast" ''Stow
that thuff," answered the able sea
man. -fWhen I'm drunk I'm an ad
miraL
Uncle Hiram from Podunk was tax
en- by his nephew into a downtown
hashery for lunch.
81 guess IN have some coffee and
. sinkers," said the nephew.
Ibid you say sinkers?" asked the
. old man.
81 sure did Uncle"
. "Well," said Uncle Hiram, as his
eye fell on spaghetti eater, II reck
on I'll have a mess of fishin' lines
like that feller is eatin' out of E
bowl. Boston Transcript.
Harold, age 4, was trudging the
. distance of many blocks with his
father to Sunday School. and the Ions
tramp was almost too much for him
The father, glancing back, noticed the
. small boys fatigue and, slackenins
his pace, asked:
. Am | walking too fast, SOM"
"No, returned the small boy, puff
ing and painting breathlessly, it's me
papa ."-Christian Herald.
. A lady was continually accusing
her servant OF extravaganza without
any real cause. The servant Away
bore this accusation patiently.
One day the servant informed heI
mis-, ess that TIL coal had all bec'
consumed. This was followed by the
usual remark on the part of the mis-
tress, who finished up by saying
"You evidently eat it,"
The next day the candles were al
. gone.
"Why bought half pound only g
! fortnight ago.
ooh, WE'LL" rejoined the now dis
gusted servant, Il can tell you where
the candles have gone. | ate them t(
\ grease my throat, SO that l coult
i swallow the coal more easily!" Phila
H delphia Ledger.
II A draper is bemoaning the loss Of
H a customer. A lady was in the shoI
on Saturday and bought some goods
"How much is it?"
/ 1.-TWO shillings."
i Dear me! One and nine pence is
all have have with me- Cannot
H you let me have it for that?"
H Really, | could not" said the
draper, "but you can pay the mex
time you are in"
Y ooh, but suppose l should die?'
laugingly inquired the lady.
] ut would be small loss," rejoin
ed the draper, but he saw from be
hind the injured look the customer
wore as she crept out of the dool
that he had made mistake some
where, though it did not dawn upor
him until too late. Tit Bits.