davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Pensacola journal. (Pensacola, Fla.) 1898-1985, 1916-10-15
THE SCRATCH PAD
BY THOMAS EWING DABNEY.
AS TO GETTING MARRIED .

You are too sentimental, staying
at home, thinking of dresses and
triHkets when you ought to be out
raising hell" said Mother Jones, in
citing the wives and daughters Of
strikers in New York to violence.
And they went out and, raised the
article mentioned, granting of course
the destruction of one street car can
be called successful crop.
Now at about the same time a
21-year-old girl, convicted of the
theft of $1,000, was being pardoned
by New York court in order, that a
young man, who believed her honest
at heart, although there was no
doubt about her present guilt, might
marry her.
Had there been any arrests of the
women rioters, we are to infer that
they would have been let off, if they
produced a moral abb in the form
of a young man anxious to marry
them.
So far everything looks very en-
couraging for wedlock, which seems
to be a state that precludes all wick
edness. But what about the married
ladies in Mother Jones' gang?
How could they get out? What
hymental palliation would they offer
1t is a rather peculiar state Of
affairs. We don't know yet how il
will end; whether the example viii
tend to keep the married ladies from
raising hell, or whether it will make
the girls put off getting married
until it is either that or go to Jail.
The Pensacola journal. (Pensacola, Fla.) 1898-1985, 1916-10-15

were very pale, sallow and bloodless. The
general condition was very discouraging,
as / was in state of nervous collapse,
with exhaustion, and after trying various
physicians and not Improving / made UP
my mind to try DIR. Pierce's Favorite Pre-
scription. After taking the fifth bottle
l was so fully restored 10 health that /
discontinued taking it."-MRs. p. J.
BYERLY, ia Mabbette Sc.
The use of DIR. Pierce's Favorite Pre-
scription makes women happy by making
them healthy. There are no more cry7
ing spells. It cures Inflammation and
female weakness. 1t makes weak women
strong, sick women well.
Like an open book, our faces tell the
tale of health or disease. Hollow checks
and sunken eyes, listless steps, sleepless
nights-tel of wasting facilitating dis
ease some place in the body. 1t may be
one place or another, the cause is generally
traceable to common source.
Get the Prescription" to-day-either
in liquid or tablet form--if you want to
better your physical condition speedily.
Questions of Sexa--Are fully and
properly answered in The Peoples Com
mon Sense Medical Adviser. All the
knowledge young woman, wife or daugh-
ter should have is contained In this big
Home Doctor Book containing 1908
pages with engravings and color plates,
and bound in cloth. BY mail, prepaid
on receipt of dimes. Address DR.. Pierce,
663 Main St., Buffalo. N. Y.
The Pensacola journal. (Pensacola, Fla.) 1898-1985, 1916-10-15

Listless, peevish, feverish, droop-
ing. Little stomach sick, breath sour
and tongue coated. Mamma, you
must act now or your little one will
be real sick soon. Get a 10-cent box
of Cascarets at the drug store, give
a whole Cascaret any time. Casea-
rets are harmless and children love
this candy cathartic which stimulates
the little liver, cleans the thirty feet
of tender bowels and sweetens the
poor, sick stomach in few hours.
Mothers know that Cascarets ACT
and act thoroughly and that they cure
the little folks right up. Cascarets
is best laxative for men, women and
children. They never grippe or sicken
ADV.
The Pensacola journal. (Pensacola, Fla.) 1898-1985, 1916-10-15
THE FREEZING POINT
OF MERCURY.

The Bureau of Standards has just
completed very careful determine
ton of the freezing point of mer-
curry using platinum resistance Their
mometers to measure the tempera-
ture. The result of this work gives
3so.s7C (-37o.97F) for this tempera-
ture.
1t is interesting to note that as far
back as 1862 the English government,
recognizing the Importance of an ae-
cllrate KNOWLEDGE ef tr's
propriated $3.50 to have it deter
mined. The value then obtained
The Pensacola journal. (Pensacola, Fla.) 1898-1985, 1916-10-15
Knott the Nominee

Knott the N0minee-
Saturday night saw the close Of
the long drawn out litigation in the
Catts-Knott case, with Knott the
winner.
The Supreme Court on that day
decided against the claims Of botn
men in the Alaehua case, and the
secretary of state sent out orders TO
the counties to place the name OF W.
". Knott on the ballot as the Demo-
cratic nominee for governor.
On the same day the State Demo-
cratic committee met, and after a
spirited session declared that Knott
was the sole Democratic nominee,
and should be supported by the party.
Cats is running independent; bolt
ed the Democratic party before the
court rendered its final dcision. he
is also on the ballot as the candidate
of the Prohibition party.
His action in boiling the party but
corroborates the Pilots contention
that he should never have been per
mitted to enter the Democratic pri-
mary. Long before that time he hao
demeaned himself in a manner thai
should have excluded him from any
part in the Democratic primary.
Knott ends the campaign with some
80 odd votes ahead of Cats. There
is no time for further law proceed
ings that will affect this decision, 81
all that either party can now do is
| to appeal to the voters.-Panams
| Pilot.
The Pensacola journal. (Pensacola, Fla.) 1898-1985, 1916-10-15
Suspicious Brother

Suspicious Brother
Somebody mailed the Reporter
Star a marked copy Of the Arcadia
Enterprise containing a long winded
article about the recent recount pro-
ceedings, which it calls crooked. We
see no sense in threshing over that
matter. The Arcadia Enterprise
probably is honest in its belief that
the recount was crooked, in spite Of
the fact that the errors in most in
stances were shown to be clerical in
the tallying of the vote. We would
hate to think everybody as crooked
as the Arcadia Enterprise and other
papers of the same class appear to.
If we had no more confidence in
our fellow man than that we would
be afraid to go to sleep at night for
fear Of midnight robbery or assassi-
nation. There must be something
the matter with a fellow who is so
Indignantly suspicious of his fellow
man.-Orlando Reporter-Star.
The Pensacola journal. (Pensacola, Fla.) 1898-1985, 1916-10-15
The Alachua Vote

The Alachua Vote
A few people seem to labor under
the impression that the SO majority
of votes which Sidney ]. Cats re-
ceived in the Alachua (No. 81 pre-
cinct were never counted for him.
These votes We're duly certified to
the state canvassing board and fig
ured in the votes tabulated for Cats
as candidate for governor. Not only
were these SO votes credited to Cats,
but he alsc received credit for Is
votes net gain in the recount in Dade
county, but giving him this gain of
80 votes in Alachua and Dade coun-
ties Knott still leads by SO votes, al
though Mr.. Knott had gain of IL
votes in the recount in Walton county
(Catts' honey which were never
credited to him through the methods
of delay adopted by the Cats law
yers. w. V. Knott really received a
plurality of AT votes as shown by
the official returns certified to the
state canvassing board, not including
his gain in Madison county, which
he refused TO accept.-Gainesvills
Sun.
The Pensacola journal. (Pensacola, Fla.) 1898-1985, 1916-10-15

you don't have to fool and putter around
with your corns, harness them up with
bandages or try to dig them out.
"GETS-IT" is a liquid. You put on
few drops in few seconds. IL dries
It's painless. Put your stocking on right
over it. Put on your regular shoes. You
won't limp or have corn twist in
your face. The corn, callus or wart. VIII
loosen from your toe-off il comes. Glory
hallelujahi "GETS-IT" is the biggest
selling corn remedy In the world. When
you try it, YOU know why.
"GETS-IT' is sold and recommended
by druggists everywhere, Csc a bottle,
renees.& Coz. Chicago, Ill.
Sold in Pensacola and recommended
as the worlds best corn remedy by the
Crystal Pharmacy, Balkcom Drug Co,
Jas. r Polking
The Pensacola journal. (Pensacola, Fla.) 1898-1985, 1916-10-15
State Press Comment
School Improvements

ocnOOf improvements
Florida counties and cities are pay
ing more and more attention to the
comforts of their school children.
Nearly every paper which comes to
the Times exchange desk contains
reproductions of photographs of
handsome new school buildings. Good
schools, good roads, and a progressive
The Pensacola journal. (Pensacola, Fla.) 1898-1985, 1916-10-15

my testimonial that
some other woman
may be induced, as
/ feel sure she will,
to use your Favor
lite Prescription. ;
From my expert
ence In receiving
very decided help
sfrom it's use, / feel
lequally as certain
shat she also will
get the desired re-
lief. My checks
The Pensacola journal. (Pensacola, Fla.) 1898-1985, 1916-10-15
Tick Eradication

Tick Eradication
The action of the United States
Department of Agriculture in estab-
fishing field headquarters for tick
eradication in Jacksonville is one that
should be heartily commended all over
The Pensacola journal. (Pensacola, Fla.) 1898-1985, 1916-10-15

3so.s5C (-S7o.9SF,) is IN good agree
ment with that obtained at this bu-
reau. However, other determinations
made previous to and after this early
work cast some doubt as to it's accur-
acy. 1t can be seen that a knowledge
of the freezing point of mercury is Of
great Importance to thermometer
may be used and furnishes a method
for celebrating or pointing the scale
below Doc (32oF.) I
The Pensacola journal. (Pensacola, Fla.) 1898-1985, 1916-10-15

people are pushing Florida to the
fore front as the nations greatest
commonwealth. st. Petersburg
Times.
The Pensacola journal. (Pensacola, Fla.) 1898-1985, 1916-10-15
It's long sea-lane that has no U-boat.

Chicago's gambling king" protests he
was always ION the square and resents in
reference with his business. Twas ever
thus
The Pensacola journal. (Pensacola, Fla.) 1898-1985, 1916-10-15
NERVOUS COLLAPSE.

Kissimmee, Flat have been think
ing for long time that / would send Va.
The Pensacola journal. (Pensacola, Fla.) 1898-1985, 1916-10-15

Wonder when submarines will begin
crossing the Pacific?
The Pensacola journal. (Pensacola, Fla.) 1898-1985, 1916-10-15
See How That Corn
Comes Clear OFF,
"GETS-ITp Loosens Your corns Right
OFF, It's the Modern Corn Wonder.
Never Falls.

Its hard to believe anything could
act like that in getting corn off. Why,
/ Just lifted that corn right off with my
finger nail. sGETS-IT' is certainly Won
derful,'' Yes, "GETS-TT'' Is the most
wonderful corn-cure ever known because
The Pensacola journal. (Pensacola, Fla.) 1898-1985, 1916-10-15

Poor teeth make good tombstones.
The American Jewish world. [volume] (Minneapolis ;) 1915-current, 1916-07-21
"Hebrew Group" in Historical
Pageant.

A group of Jewish young men,
each wearing prayer shawl and a
black skull cap, led by Zionist ban
ner bearer, attracted much attention
in Beloit, Wis.,, few days ago. The
occasion was a procession of the ma
tionalities represented in the popula
ton of the city, Every nationality
was delegated group of marchers
in the Historical pageant"
The "Hebrew group represented
the thirty-five Jewish families living
in Beloit. The idea Of having the
Hebrew group clad in "Yarmilke"
and "Talith' originated in the mind
of student, A. L. Rosentlal, who
was recently graduated from the Be
lott College. According to the state
ment of a professor Of the college,
the Hebrew group was the most i'm
pressive.
The American Jewish world. [volume] (Minneapolis ;) 1915-current, 1916-07-21
TIE AMERICAN JEWISH WORLD

The contract for the translation OF
all of Sholom Alelchem's works into
English will be awarded to the prize
winner.
Manuscripts must be sent in be
fore the first of August, 1916, to the
following address: Sholom Aleichem
Fund, $50 Second Avenue, New
York City. The committee consists
of Dr. |. Ginzburg, DR.. L. Mag
mes and Morris Winchewsky.
The American Jewish world. [volume] (Minneapolis ;) 1915-current, 1916-07-21
Jewish Destitution in Persia.

The Jews Of Garooss, Persia, suf-
fered great hardships at the time
when the town was occupied by. the
Russians, after it was evacuated by
the Turks. Almost all their belong
lngs were taken away from them
and they were left practically desti-
tute, SO that they were unable to pay
their debts. They turned to the gov
eminent, through the kind offices Of
DR.. Logman, Jewish deputy in the
Persian parliament, who asked the
Minister of the Interior to extend
the time of payment. AS a result of
the appeal, the authorities ordered
the Governor Of Garooss to inform
the public that no one should modest
the Jews until the time when they
would be able to meet their indebt-
edness. Their appeal, however, to be
exempted from paying government
taxes was not successful, although
their taxes were considerably re-
duced until the time when they will
be able to pay the full amount, if
the difference could be made up
among other citizens.
Sergeant ]. Lacy, (Levy, a former
inmate of the Jews Hospital and
Orphan Asylum of London and a
member Of the band Of the Jewish
Lads Brigade), was given the Dis
tinguished Conduct Medal.
The American Jewish world. [volume] (Minneapolis ;) 1915-current, 1916-07-21
July p, 1916
Marshall Gives $15O,Oo0 to Educa-
tlOn.

I1Oll.
TO perpetuate the memory Of his
late wife, Florence Marshall, Louis
Marshall has donated the sum of
$4,000 to be known as the Flor
ence Marshall Memorial Fund, for
the religious education of Jewish
girls. The gift is the result Of a
realization that this branch of edu
cation has been more or less neglect
ed and it expresses, in addition to
the wishes of Mr.. Marshall, those
also of his late wife Mr. Marshall
has named as trustees CT the fund
DR.. Cyrus Adler, Professor Israel
F1iedlander, Hon. Irving Lehman,
DR.. J. L. Magnes and Felix M. War
burg.
The American Jewish world. [volume] (Minneapolis ;) 1915-current, 1916-07-21
500 Prize Offered for English
Translation of Sholom Aleichem
Story.

The committee in charge Of the
publication Of Sholom Aleichem's
works, in English, is offering prize
of one hundred dollars for the best
translation of the story "Chaveh,'
in the "Teviah der Milchiger' series.
Manuscripts must be typewriter,
on one side of the sheet and signed
bv some motto or other symbol, but
not bv the name of the translator.
The name of the translator must be
enclosed in sealed envelope on the
back of which the motto or symbol
chosen by the translator is to De
written
The American Jewish world. [volume] (Minneapolis ;) 1915-current, 1916-07-21

The inconsistency of some Of our
coreligionists! Years ago the OBJ
servant Jew would have been prone
to condemn Louis D. Brandeis, the
Boston Lawyer, if, indeed, he men
toned him, for taking no interest il
the fortunes of his race. In the two
years from the spring Of 1914 the
communal workers of the older
stripe condemned Louis D. Brandels
the American Zionist leader, because
he was so recent recruit to their
ranks. Now, the "American" Jews
condemn Mr.. Justice Brandeis, of
the United States Supreme Court,
because he retains an abiding love
for his people and has not surrend-
cred his interest in their fortunes
when he donned the judicial robe. A
mad world, my masters Hebrew
Standard.
The American Jewish world. [volume] (Minneapolis ;) 1915-current, 1916-07-21
Pharaoh's Temple Is Found By
Explorers.

Philadelphia.-Dr. Clarence S.
Fisher leader of the Eckley B. Coke
expedition to Africa, repol is that his
party has unearthed what is believed
to have been the temple Of Pharaoh,
with it's throne room, where Moses
and Aaron confronted Pharaoh and
demanded that the people Of Israel
be permitted to depart from Egypt.
Aristide Lurya, a captain in the
engineer corps OF the Italian army,
was awarded a golden medal for an
invention by which signals on the
seas can be transmitted more rapid
ly and clearly.
The American Jewish world. [volume] (Minneapolis ;) 1915-current, 1916-07-21
THE PROPER WAY TO SEND
MONEY ABROAD.

Mr.. Felix NJ. Warburg OF the joint
distributing committee Of the funds
for Jewish war sufferers, is in receipt
of the following letter:
Dear Sir: We hope you advise all
the remitters that the sums, which
for some reason or other have not
been delivered by us, are always at
their disposal and may be received
by them upon first notice.
We should be obliged to you if
you would also explain to the public
that at the present time the trans
mission of money through your
committee is the best way of sending
money to Russia. There are thous-
ands and thousands of remittances
lying unpaid in the postofices and
in private banks, while the number
of remittances not paid by us is COM
paratively small, owing to the var
ious means at our disposal for locat-
ing the addresses.
Very sincerely yours,
JEWISH COLONIZATION AS
ISOLATION,
Comite' Central.
Petrograd, May, 1916.
The Grangeville globe. [volume] (Grangeville, Idaho) 1907-1922, 1916-04-27

/ BAY MARE, z YEARS OLD IN
FOAL-A GOOD ONE TOO-WT.
ABOUT 1850; PURCHASER TO
PAY FOR BREEDING, WHICH is
$1,000.
BAY SADDLE PONY, 9 YEARS OLD
/ GRAY SADDLE HORSE, ABOUT 9
YEARS OLD
The Grangeville globe. [volume] (Grangeville, Idaho) 1907-1922, 1916-04-27

BOB SLED
l KNOCK ABOUT SLED
3-INCH BIRDSELL WAGON, q
INCH TIRE, "a TRUCK WITH H.
FOOT BOX, ALMOST AS GOOD AS
NEW
2 RIDING SADDLES ONE OF
THEM rs A DANDY
2 PACK SADDLE TREES
/ SET BREECHING HARNESS
1 SET LEAD HARNESS
4 HORSE COLLARS
SET HEAVY CHAIN LOGGING
HARNESS
GARDEN HOES, RAKES, ETC.
l DEERE STEEL GARDEN CULTI-
VATOR
l SPRING SEAT
CALF HIDE AND SEVERAL LBS
OF HORSE HAIR
2 GRINDING STONES
2 SCYTHES- GRASS AND BRUSH
ABOUT go LBS. OF TIMOTHY SEED
The Grangeville globe. [volume] (Grangeville, Idaho) 1907-1922, 1916-04-27
Implements, Vehicles, Miscellaneous

2 ROUGH-LOCK CHAINS AND OR
LOG CHAINS; SOME PULLEYS
AND A LOT OF HINGES
3 OR A AXES, / SCOOP SHOVEL, 2
GRAVEL SHOVELS, PICKS,
GRUBBING HOES, ETC.
1 CALHOUN GRASS SEED SOWER,
NEW
2 MONKEY WRENCHES, HORSE
SHOEING OUTFIT
/ WHITE MOUNTAIN ICE CREAM
FREEZER, 1 GALLON CAPACITY
1 5-GALLON BARREL CHURN
DAIRY MAID CREAM SEPAR-
ATOR
/ VINEGAR BARREL
A LOT OF STEEL TRAPS; 1 NEW
LAP ROBE; SET STEEL YARDS;
/ SPRING BALANCE SCALE; 1
PR. WHITE CHAPS GOOD ONES
1 2-HORSE POWER WOOD SAVING
OUTFIT, SINGLETREES AND
STRETCHERS
The Grangeville globe. [volume] (Grangeville, Idaho) 1907-1922, 1916-04-27
70 Head Cattle

10 COWS, MOST OF THEM WITE
CALVES
z 3-YEAR-OLD STEERS
A 2-YEAR-OLD STEERS
IA YEARLING STEERS
2-YEAR-OLD HEIFERS
Z YEARLING HEIFERS
FALL CALVES
/ YEARLING RED MULEY BULL
The Grangeville globe. [volume] (Grangeville, Idaho) 1907-1922, 1916-04-27
9 Head Horses

/ 3-YEAR-OLD FILLY, HALF GER
MAN COACH
2-YEAR-OLD STUD
2-YEAR- OLD FILLY
/ YEARLING COLT
ABOUT 40 HEAD OF HOGS
GOOD POLAND CHINA BOAR
The Grangeville globe. [volume] (Grangeville, Idaho) 1907-1922, 1916-04-27
III A FEW MILK COWS

l 3-YEAR-OLD BULL-HEREFOR ORD
AND DURHAM
| SPAN OF BAY MARES, FULL SIS
TIERS, 6 AND s YEARS OLD, W.T..
ABOUT 1900. A DANDY TEAM
FOR ANYONE, ANYWHERE AND
ANYTIME.
The Grangeville globe. [volume] (Grangeville, Idaho) 1907-1922, 1916-04-27
HOUSEHOLD GOODS

FRENCH BEVEL HALL RACK,
18x18, OAK FRAME
Q MATING RUGS, 9x11 % FEET,
NEW
IL YARDS JAPANESE MATING,
NEW-NEVER BEEN UNROLLED
8 YARDS STAIR CARPET, NEW
LINOLEUM ENOUGH TO COVER A
ROOM 151ax14 2-3 FEET, NEW
NEVER BEEN UNROLLED
The Grangeville globe. [volume] (Grangeville, Idaho) 1907-1922, 1916-04-27

MIRROR 11hx191a INCHES
BONITA SEWING MACHINE,
LIGHT RUNNING AND DOES
FINE WORK-GOOD AS NEW
NEW SET OF Sc ROSE PATTERN
DISHES, NEW AND NEVER BEEN
UNPACKED. ASSORTMENT OF
OTHER DISHES, AND A LOT OF
FRUIT JARS, VINEGAR JUGS,
ETC.
The Ward County independent. [volume] (Minot, Ward County, N.D.) 1902-1965, 1916-06-08
Over Two Thousand Overland Auto
mobiles.

The Minot Auto Company informs
us that since July l, 1915, they have
distributed and sold over two thousand
Overland and Willys-Knight automo-
biles. They have one hundred thirty
eight more cars enroute for delivery
during the month of June, which will
make an exact total Of two thousand,
one hundred thirty eight cars ham
died by them during the twelve
months ending July 1, 1916.
They also state that they have or
ders for three hundred more cars on
file at the factory, only portion of
which they are expecting the factory
will be able to furnish.
The Minot Auto Company has,
without a doubt placed in this terri
tory during the past season over
ninety per cent Of the automobiles
selling for more than $500. This is,
in itself, a remarkable record for Mi
not as a distributing center.
Do you know that the best thing we
women can do, is to be cheerful? Even
when we get up in the morning
grumpy and with headache, CHEEKY
good morning to each one in the fam
lily even helps. No one dares to say
a cross word in the face of cheerful
The Ward County independent. [volume] (Minot, Ward County, N.D.) 1902-1965, 1916-06-08

lars and Seven Cents, which judgment
and decree among other things directed
the sale by me of the real estate herein
after described, to satisfy the amount Of
said judgment, with interest thereon and
the cost of expenses of such sale, or so
much thereof as the proceeds of such
sale applicable thereto will satisfy. And
the office of the Clerk of said Court in
and for Ward County, and under the seal
of said Court, directing me to sell said
real property pursuant to said judgment,
and decree, |, John j. NedrelOe, Sheriff of
said County, and person appointed by
said Court to make said sale, will sell
the hereinafter described real estate to
the highest bidder for cash, at public
auction at the front door of the Court
House in the City of Minot in the Coun-
ty Of Ward and State of North Dakota
on the oath day Of June A. D. 1916, at
two o'clock P. NJ, Of that day, to satisfy
said Judgment with interest and costs
thereon, and the costs and expenses of
such sale, or 50 much thereof as the pro-
ceeds of such sale applicable thereto will
satisfy. The premises to be sold as
decree, and to said writ, and to this no
tice, are described in said judgment, de-
cree and writ as follows, to-wit:
Lot Nine (9) Of Normal Subdivision
Of Block One a. of Lakeview Addition
to the City of Minot, Ward County,
North Dakota, as shown by the plat
thereof, on file and of record in the Of
flee Of the Register of Deeds within and
for Ward County, North Dakota
JOHN j. NEDRELOE,
Sheriff Of Ward County, North Dakota.
Halvor l.. Halvorson,
Attorney for Plaintiff,
Minot, North Dakota. 5-1S-t5
The Ward County independent. [volume] (Minot, Ward County, N.D.) 1902-1965, 1916-06-08

Block Twenty (2O) of the Original
Townsite Of Minot, and Lot One Cd Of
the City of Minot all in Ward County
and State of North Dakota, and that
shall, on Friday, the 18th day of June,
A. D. 1916, at the hour Of two o'clock P.
NJ. of said day, at the front door Of the
Court House in the City Of Minot, in
said County and State, proceed to sell
the right, title and interest Of the above
named defendant, p. j. Schulze, in and
to the above described property, to sat
isfy said judgment and costs, amounting
to Three Hundred Thirty-two Dollars
and seventy-two cents together with all
accrulng costs Of sale, and interest on
the same from the 81 st day Of February,
1916, at the rate of seven per cent per
annum at public auction to the highest
bidder for cash.
JOHN J. NEDRELOE,
Sheriff of Ward County, N. D.
Bradford & Nash,
Plaintiffs Attorneys.
Dated Minot, N. D., May 18th, 1916.
S-11-f6
The Ward County independent. [volume] (Minot, Ward County, N.D.) 1902-1965, 1916-06-08
The Surprise PARTY.

The United States Tobasso Journal
tells of a cigar dealer in-oh, some
out-of- the-way place; say Omaha
who came home unexpectedly one af-
ternoon. He beheld his faithful
spouse bending over in the garden
diligently harvesting some spring on
ions.
Coming up softly behind his wife,
the cigar man reached out and gave
the lady a hearty spank. The spank
was below the waist line, and on the
only place where a spank is legal.
The fair charmer took it as one to
the manner born, and in fact did not
even look around. But she grunted
forth the following:
."All right, put in 20 pounds today"
They haven't taken any ice since
And the ice man was fired.
But the cigar man never fully re-
covered the nervous shock.