The Washington times., 1916-11-03
Don Marquis
: Column
Interviews With Imaginary Char

lows:
I was educated for the Presbyterian
ministry. So you need not be surprised
at the purity Of my accent or the clarity
Of my diction.
An old gentleman whom I was MUIR
dering the other day expressed such sur
prise at being slain by an educated man
that I almost permitted him to escape
while I explained to him how It came
about that a university graduate should
follow the profession Of a gunman.
I had at no time any desire to be a
preacher. My people insisted upon II
and / permitted them to send me to
college.
The only thing had ever wanted to
be was n poet, and as soon as had left
the university / came on to New York
for the purpose of realizing that ambi-
tion. no matter what my sufferings and
privations might be while l was serving
my apprenticeship.
arrived In the city with little money
and no friends. l had not been here
long before 1t began to appear to me
that the obstacles placed by organized
society In the path of the beginning poet
were almost insurmountable.
-
I am not physically strong and I am
not particularly courageous. lii fact,
I am rather timid person. The con-
ditions OF living In New York shocked
me. On every hand found the wicked
prospecting. Crooked politicians. gam
blers. burglars. corrupt policemen. and.
In fact, every sort OF transgressor APP
peared to be living upon the fat OF the
land. The person who is both poor
and innocent seemed to stand no chance
of lettering himself in the city.
-
It was. for instance. according to the
newspapers, possible for a person be-
longing to a rowdy gang to rob or
even murder an enemy and escape
punishment through his political con-
nections. with the greatest desire on
earth to pursue the quiet. peaceful. and
honorable career OF poet. II did not
seem to me that could do so and live
without affiliating myself with some
organization which would protect me
from the wickedness OF the metropolis
-
But there seemed to be no orRani-
zation Of innocent and honorable peo-
pie In New York city which was sue
cessfully combating the powers OF
organized crime and iniquity.
But gunner were unmolested. There
fore. would become n gunman simply
In order that might be protected. that
! might be let alone. that l might pur-
sue my poetical vocation in security and
at leisure.
Having determined 10 become n gun.
man wished to give to this profession
at least as much as I got from II. il
did not seem to me that 1t would be
honorable TO accept the protection of a
gang OF thugs and rowdles without al
the same time contributing sofflsthins
to their welfare. So, I made up my
mind to become as perfect In the art
and science OF gunmanship as possible
AS I said before. l am rather timid by
nature. Robbery. in all Its different
branches. Ii business that requires
something very like nerve. Murder Is
not thing that can be takel up casual.
ly by a cowardly man. Here Is where
my university training stood ME In
good stead. / at once made n thorough
analysis of all the qualities absolutely
essential to the business of the crook
and thug and began to develop myself
along the lines necessary. To my sur
prise and qualification l found that
was more qualified for these things
by taste. at least. than I had ut firs
supposed. l do not wish to insinuate. OF
course, that there Is anything in tho
education given in our theological semi
naries which develops an impulse to-
ward crime.
Having once chosen my way OF lif'
I gave so many hours day to crime
and so many hours day TO poetry
But gradually the taste for verse writ
ing grew less and less and the taste
for crime grew more. After five year.
of the life OF a gunman poem seem!
a pallid thing to me. I am more in
terested in more practical literature
The reports of vice commissions / reat
with avid interest. Sociological works
enthrall me. The tones or psycholo
gists and all the books on mental alb
normality appeal to me. / do not like
to dwell too much upon the details Of
my business. particularly upon the
murders which 1 commit. but l cannot
disguise a feeling of pride In the fac
that | am more OF an artist than any
other gunman in New York city. Il
is not the life would have chosen
perhaps, but having been forced int
It 1 have given II all the best that II
I'm me, spiritually, mentally, and arts
tically. And l have risen in the trade
1 saw It with all modesty. l do no
need to boastI am known as an ex
pert in my line. am at the top o.
my profession.
And, of course, hope in time to ge
out of 1t. l have lived quietly and
have saved money. There was a tint
when the ordinary gunman OF New
York was pretty we'll satisfied with ;
hundred dollars as his share or Kill
ing. l do my work with a certain
grace and finish of which the ordinar!
gunman knows nothing. And neve
touch murder for less than THOUSAND
dollars cash in advance. / have
neat sum in the bank and In time
shall once more become respectable
which Is an easy matter for thos
who can afford to pay the marke
price for responsibility.
T,,st ,o,y 7 am In doubt as To whet he