davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Western outlook., 1916-01-08
STORY OF TWO WATERMELONS
EngIishn1an Was Perfectly Satisfied
He Knew What He Wanted In
Ordering His Dinner.

That familiar things have different
names in different countries was dis
covered by an Englishman while he
was visiting the United States. Thus
he tells the story Of the watermelons:
I was eating dinner in an eastern
city, and saw on the menu, "Watermel-
on" We have watermelons in Eng
land, but they are what you in Amer
lea call "muskmelons." Therefore /
called the waiter and said: Bring me
two watermelons."
The dusky walters eyes grew large,
and he protested:
But, sab, you don't want two wa
tahmelonsi"
am not accustomed to have walters
tell me what / want. I knew perfect
ly well what I wanted. / saw some
people at the next table smile at each
other, and / was vexed. Therefore |
replied to the waiter with much dig
nifty:
Il want two watermelons."
The waiter seemed about to protest
again, but thought better of it, and
went away. While he was gone,
looked round and found everyone with
in hearing distance smiling curiously.
Looking further, saw another waiter
setting down before another man a
plate containing an immense round of
something green outside and bright
red within. Then I spied my own
waiter returning, bearing on each up
lifted palm an immense green oval.
No wonder the people smiled! The
smile was about to become a laugh. /
thought I would die! Then an idea
came to me! When the waiter reached
my place, looked at his burden quite
judicially, tapped each of those ele-
phantine "watermelons," and then
gave my order in calm, decided
tone:
Bring me a slice from this ONE
Youths Companion.
The Western outlook., 1916-01-08
PURSUING Mental HYQiene.

Believing that many persons at pres,
ent confined in institutions for mental
detectives could be completely cured
If more humane methods of treatment
were used, the Rockefeller foundation
will conduct an investigation this win
ter into the custody and treatment Of
insane in state institutions, according
to part four of it's annual report.
1t will be the plan Of the foundation
to obtain a universal system of ham
ding mental defective cases. DR..
Thomas w. Salmon OF the United
States public health service has OBJ
tanned leave of absence from the
government to take charge of the
work He will be responsible to the
national committee for mental ny
giene, which is composed of trustees
OF the foundation.
The Western outlook., 1916-01-08
Oil Lamp Converted Into Electric.

tinues to be as it was, and can be
used in emergency, if the electric serv-
ice should happen to go out of COM
mission.
A standard key-socket is fastened to
a brass bushing secured to the center
of brass plate, fiat or crowned, that
covers brass tube one and one-half
inches high and in diameter to fit
into the chimney holder. The wire
Is led up to the socket through hole
in the side of the brass tube. In the
accompanying diagram 1 is a rein
forced flexible wire with rubber 1nsula-
ton covered with silk or cotton to
match the surroundings; ], attachment
plug that will fit any socket that is
now in general use; K, if opening hap
pens to be extra large at this point,
place a piece of mica or glass with
color to match the shade.-New York
World.
The Western outlook., 1916-01-08
Greek Surnames.

To the average man the names OF
the new Greek ministers may prove
bewildering, but to the initiated they
reveal good deal. Until after the
war of liberation a century ago few Of
the Greek population had surnames,
and recent generation created their
patronymics by various methods, but
generally by adopting the name of
their trade or birthplace, to which
their successors have added the ter
minals "opontos," ''ides," "akes," or
"akos," equivalent to our English
"son" Most Greek surnames sum
Marie the family history.
The Western outlook., 1916-01-08
Reassurinu,

Nervous Old Lady ION small English
railway)-Oh, dear! How we're rock
ing! I'm sure an accident will hap
pen to this train!
Elderly Aboriginal-It's along O.
their bein' short-handed wi skilled
men, mum, so my son e offered to
drive just to oblige and (confiden-
tally | don't think e knows much
about it.-Passing Show.
The Western outlook., 1916-01-08
ASSISTING a Selection.

Hurry up, now" he growled, "and
order what you want"
"But can't tell what I want" she
complained. "This menu is so con-
fusing. 1t offers oysters in all styles,
but can't tell what style want from
the menu"
well, maybe the waiter can show
you some fashion plates"
The Western outlook., 1916-01-08
Two VIEWPOINTS.

II have found in my practice that
men bear pain much more heroically
than women, the prevailing idea to the
contrary Notwithstanding"
Nonsense! My experience abso.
lutely proves that women endure
agony more stoically."
"Sir, am a physician!"
well, l am a shoe dealeri"
The Western outlook., 1916-01-08
Gets EVERYTHING He Wants.

Your son Emery be gettin' long
fine in the city, l ear
"Yus, soc do" answered the moth
err, proudly. But you 'aven't card
the latest. Why, in is last letter e
was tellin' me 'ow ed just got the
govt. There's nothin' that boy o. mine
won't ave If e wants it."-London
Telegram.
The Western outlook., 1916-01-08
Takinn No Chances.

Lemme get those umbrellas hidden
before you let them I'M" Binks hasti-
ly moved toward the door in response
to the bell.
DO you think our guests will steal
umbrellas?" Mrs. Binks demanded
contemptuously.
Maybe not-but they might recog.
nize 'em!" Binks replied.-Judge.
The Western outlook., 1916-01-08
Civic Rivalry

How is the rivalry between PUNK
vile and Plinktown as to population p"
AS keen as ever. One of our girls
married a Plinktown man and moved
there, thus reducing Plunkvilles popu-
lation. But we Immediately desig-
mated four Plunkville boys to court
Plinktown girls"
The Western outlook., 1916-01-08
No Time for Courtesy.

81 noticed" said the husband, you
didn't say thank you to the man who
gave you his seat in the car this eve
ming"
mo" replied the wife; you see, /
once stopped to say thank you, and by
the time I had done so I found that
another woman had the seat"
The Western outlook., 1916-01-08
His Little Joke,

Does your supply of dudes exceed
the demand?" asked the insurance So
licitor.
Just what do you mean?" queried
tho real estate man.
We'll, I see you have a sign dis
played, Flats to Let" answered the
4. 8.
The Western outlook., 1916-01-08
Wherein Thew Differ.

Little Lemuel-Paw, what's the diff
ference between farmer and an ag
riculturist?
Paw-A farmer, son, makes his
money on a farm and spends it in
the city; an agriculturist makes his
money in the city and spends it on
o farm
The Western outlook., 1916-01-08

Have Healthy, strong, Beautiful Eyes
Oculists and Physicians used Murine Eye
Remedy many years before It was offered as q
Domestic Eye Medicine. Murine Is Still Cons
pounded by Our Physicians and guaranteed
by them as Reliable Relief for Eyes that Need
Care. Try 1t In your Eyes and In Baby's Eyes
No Smarting Eye Comfort. Buy Murine
OF your Druggist accept no Substitute, and "
interested write for Book OF the Eye Free.
MURINE EYE REMEDY CO.. CHICAGO
The Western outlook., 1916-01-08

Mrs. Gramercy-What do we need
for dinner?
Bridget--Shure, mum, Oi tr1pped
over the rug and we need new set
of dishes.
The Western outlook., 1916-01-08
DON'T GET RUN DOWN,

Weak and miserable. If you rave Kid
ache, Dizziness, Nervousness, and fee
tired all over, get a package Of MOTHER
GRAY'S AROMATIC LEAF. 1t never
falls Sold by all Druggists or sent by
mail for Soc Sample sent FREE. Ad-
dress, The Mother Gray Co.. LIE Roy. N. Y.-Adv.
The Western outlook., 1916-01-08
Keep It in Your Stable,

For external use on horses nothing
that we know of equals Hanford's Bal
sam. Many trainers use it as a leg
wash because it keeps the skin in fine
condition and should cure lameness.
A
The Western outlook., 1916-01-08
Rich manehurian Coal Fields.

The Fushun coal fields of Man.
churia, operated by Japanese, are be.
lived to be the richest in the world.
containing more than S0,000,000 tons
o. bituminous fuel. !,
The Western outlook., 1916-01-08
CAREFUL

EYES," said Mrs. Twickembury,
'they were very careful about that
infectious membraneous Group. They
had anecdotes hanging up all over
the house, christian Register.
The Western outlook., 1916-01-08

Ma-You've been drinking. l smell
1t in your breath.
Pa-Not a drop. I've been eating
frogs legs. What you smell is the
hops.-Harvard Lampoon.
The Western outlook., 1916-01-08
A NEW SUIT

sHave you not appeared before as
witness in this suit, madam"
mo, indeed! This is the first time
I've ever worn it,''-Browning's Mag
azine.
The Western outlook., 1916-01-08
REST EVER

"How is DIR. Wombat as physi.
cian?"
"Best ever When you get exhaust
ed over bridge he prescribes dancing
as a rest cure. "-Pittsburg Post.
The Western outlook., 1916-01-08
A Friendly SUGGESTION.

Have you been reading my new
story in the magazines?"
Yep
my publishers propose to have a
guessing contest as to how the story
ends"
That idea has been used quite a
bit. would suggest a guessing con.
test as to what the yarn is all about"
The Western outlook., 1916-01-08
How IL Was Done.

For years." said the actor man, 81
have tried In vain to elevate the
STAGE"
That's an easy matter" replied the
young architect.
And the very next day he proceeded
to draw plans for the original root
garden.
The Western outlook., 1916-01-08
WHAT WAS NEEDED

For proud flesh use Hanford's Bal
sam of Myrrh. Adv.
The Western outlook., 1916-01-08

Edith-Say, papa, what is an Opt
mist?
Her Father-An optimist, my dear,
is a man who can make himself be-
lieve some things are true when he
really knows there is no truth in them
The Western outlook., 1916-01-08

Hanford's Balsam of Myrrh is itself
an antiseptic and the use of any other
remedy before applying it is unneces-
sary. Adv.
The Western outlook., 1916-01-08
DIVIDEND NOTICES

Associated Savings Banks Of San Francisco.
HUMBOLDT SAVINGS BANK, 1888 Market st., near
Fomth-For the half year ending December 81, 1915,
dividend has been declared at the rate Of four az
per cent per annum all savings deposits. payable
on and after Monday, January 8. 1915. Dividends
not called for are added to and bear the same rate
OF interest as the principal from January l, 1915.
H. c. KLEvESAHL. Cashier.
The Western outlook., 1916-01-08
EOuAL TO 1T

For fresh cuts apply Hanford's Bal
sam. Adv.
The Western outlook., 1916-01-08
Weeks Break-Up-a-CoId Tablets

A guaranteed remedy for Colds and
La Grippe. Price 25c of your druggist.
It's good. Take nothing else.-Adv.
The Western outlook., 1916-01-08

For gals use Hanford's Balsam.
Adv.
The Western outlook., 1916-01-08
No Beauty.

I want to see your beauty editor. :
said the caller at the sanctum of :
popular magazine.
Are you following her advicef
II am"
Got confidence in it?"
II have
Then you don't want to see her"
The Western outlook., 1916-01-08
He Struck Out.

Jagreen-I saw you talking to Bor-
rows on the street this morning.
Bilbrown-Yes.
Jagreen-Did he strike you for a
loan?
Bilbrown-Not exactly. He struck
at me, but never touched me.
The Western outlook., 1916-01-08
FARMERS WANTED

VICTORIA. AUSTRALIA, offers special induce
ments. Government land. water. railways free
schools, 31H years to pay for farms adapted to
alfalfa corn, sugar beets. fruit, etc. Climate
like California. Ample markets Reduced pass
ages for approved settlers. Free particulars
from +. 7. A. Fricke, Government Representa-
tive from Victoria. 6S7 Market Street. San Fran
cisco. California. Box 81.
Crittenden record-press. [volume] (Marion, Ky.) 1909-191?, 1916-05-04
Another Petition From
Fords Ferry Precinct

Mr.. Marshall jenkins,
Editor Crittenden Record-Press;
Dear Sir
Seeing a notice in a recent issue
of your paper where, Mr.. W.
H. Graves is going to petition
the County Court to move the
voting place of Fords Ferry pre-
cinct from Fords Ferry to Sam
Flanary's, because it would be
nearer the center of the pre-
cinct. Of course Mr.. Graves has
a petition signed by several vo-
tiers of said precinct, neverthe-
less here comes the opposing fac
ton with a petition signed by
bona fde voters giving full and
just reasons for the retention Of
the voting place at Fords Ferry.
If we move the voting place we
will be moving an old landmark
of which we are justly proud.
Another reason is that we are in
conjunction with Post Office, tel
ephone, store lunch counter and
river, and the river is the means
by which the Weston boys come
to vote, If a change is affected
all parties will lose some votes
from Weston. Now, with infor-
nation in the hands Of the Coun.
~ Court and wide awake voters
of said precinct our petitioners
beg for the retention of the
voting place at same old stand.
Sherman G. Ford.
Crittenden record-press. [volume] (Marion, Ky.) 1909-191?, 1916-05-04

a contest. Marion boys won first
place in the events they had an
opportunity to practice on. On
account Of our having no track
our boys were deficient in run.
ming. We have some excellent
material, all we ask a chance
and We feel sure we can win.
The contests were very enjoy
able. In the girls declamatory
contest. Miss Mamie Wynn. Of
Sturgis, was awarded the gold
medal given by the Association.
The oratorical contest was
where Marion came in for high
honors. Hebert Moore delivered
his Grafton. The Hand that
Rocks the Cradle Rules the
World" in his most pleasing
manner From the standpoint Of
oratory il is an excellent piece Of
work, inspiring and uplifting.
and it is also a worthy represen-
tation of the excellent character
and high ideals Of its writer. He
is a most promising young orator
who is going to be heard from"
in not a distant future. When
the chairman called out Mr..
Moore as winner of the hand
some gold medal given by the c.
|. A., you should have been in
the Marion crowd. We were in
a paroxysm of joy. 1t was grand
to see the hero of the evening
borne from the hall on the shoul-
ders Of his young comrades. IL
was inspiring to see such uncurb
ed happiness as prevailed in the
crowd of Marionites, and gave
you a very agreeable sensation
to know that you belonged to the
same town and school Of one so
talented and honored. II you
didn't go to this track meet and
contest you will never know what
you missed, If you did go you
have resolved to 20 next year,
and the next, etc. haven't you.
Now 'fess up. One Who Went.
Crittenden record-press. [volume] (Marion, Ky.) 1909-191?, 1916-05-04

who declared that Kings were
no longer needed and that the
people were capable Of self g "
eminent by popular vote.
The conservative members Of
society have always opposed
every thing new and believed in
letting well enough alone. If
this kind of advice was followed,
how many rail roads would have
ever been built? How many
schools and inventions, for they
were all equally opposed in their
infancy just because they were
not understood. This then is
the only objection to this great
humanitarian movement called
SOCIALISM. Socialism is the
post Office. the public school, the
highways. the fire department
and all other socially used things
which are socially and collective
ly owned. 1t requires working
men to mine coal. but the post
office could employ coal miners,
pay them better wages, and vet
furnish coal to the people cheap
er than private stock holders do
today. The same method used
in operating the post office.
can be applied to the coal mines
and the railroads.
From the U. S. Labor report
we find that il requires now with
improved machinery entire labor
cost, As hours and eighteen min
utes to make a farm wagon, and
the total labor cost is S7.l9. It
costs the farmer $500 for lack
of Social distribution.
Time of making pair of best
shoes 81 minutes, labor cost SAC,
sells for $500. Through the
great revolution going on in Eu-
rope, nearly all Of the industries
are being now run by govern
ments. That is partial Social.
ism. Political action will estab-
lish Socialism in the L. s., with.
out bloodshed if the people are
educated TO understand its pur
pose. If they are kept in tn,
dark, we can expect the same
bloody war 10 this couatry. II,
L. Stark. State Secretary Social,
ist Party, Kentucky.
Crittenden record-press. [volume] (Marion, Ky.) 1909-191?, 1916-05-04

with a wild set, was among the
visitors on "Go.to-Sunday School
Day" He became a regular
member of Young Mems Bible
Class. Soon after he declined
an invitation to go on a Sunday
excursion where he knew there
would be drinking and gambling.
saying, mo, boys, no more Of
that for me. | have something
so much better.
AT another Sunday School none
of a certain family had attended
church or Sunday School for
more than a year. On "Go.to.
Sunday School Day" the children
were permitted to go and from
that day became regular mem.
bers. Ina few weeks the twelve
year-old boy united with the
Church. The mother then sent
to the old Church home for her
letter, And now the father. too.
often sits with them at the
Church service.
DEEDS OF 1915
| Go.to.Sunday School Day.
bringing 100000 visitors To Ken.
lucky Sunday Schools.
! State Convention. bringing
:ogether representatives from SO
counties.
| School of Methods for the
training Of Association officers.
l City Training School, giving
a twenty weeks course to rep.
resentatives of forty.nine Sun.
day Schools.
| Mountain Tour by an Inter.
national Worker.
20lder Boys and Girls Con.
ferences.
20 Institutes.
"a County Conventions Tor the
workers of more than three
thousand Sunday Schools.
lOi Counties visited by a State
Worker, each visit bringing di.
Crittenden record-press. [volume] (Marion, Ky.) 1909-191?, 1916-05-04
NOTICE TO THE PUBLIC.

lh,'e has Teen quite a lot Of
complain, about The spread Of in.
'''''''' disease among cattle and
"oS' "'ou'' 90 TIE county, and OF
,''"' 0"'' an ''pes'" complaint
d." ''''''' '''"'''' TO 'aie'''
Crittenden record-press. [volume] (Marion, Ky.) 1909-191?, 1916-05-04

rect help to from one 70 one hum
dred Sunday Schools.
200 Special Rallies.
300 District Conventions with
practical, helpful programs.
10000 Copies OF the Kentucky
Sunday School Reporter distrib.
uted.
$1,000 Circulars OF information
distributed.
ll,0O0 Personal Letters.
One Result: Sunday School
Membership Of Kentucky increas.
ed by fifty thousand FIVE people
for every dollar spent.
Crittenden record-press. [volume] (Marion, Ky.) 1909-191?, 1916-05-04
Review Of The Morganfeld Trip.

II you didn't 20 to Morgan.
field you missed a great treat.
Marion was well represented in
contests, supporters and rooters.
We made an excellent showing,
better illustrated by what a little
Morganfeld girl said, than any,
thing else. After hearing US
ycIl she surveyed our crowd and
heaving a sigh Of relief said to a
Marion girl, We'll you amt got
anymore than us."
The track meet in the after.
neon was excellent. II is inspir.
hg to see strong young men
work fairly and sQuarely in such
Crittenden record-press. [volume] (Marion, Ky.) 1909-191?, 1916-05-04
0. C. Threlkeld Gel.
ebrales Sob Birthday

Sunday, April SOth, o. 6
Threlkeld celebrated his 5Oth
birthday. The guests present
were the following; Mesdames.
Jno. Grimes, J. f Threlkeld,
Parthena ellis, o. L. Threlkeld,
Lena Franklin, Leona Hardy,
Mollie Nelson; Misses Zula Threi.
keld, Sadie Minor; Messrs, J Z.
Threlkeld, F. Settles, Virgil
Threlkeld, o. L. Threlkeld, j. H.
Price, Clarence Settles, Orville
Threlkeld, Jno. Grimes, Rudell
Price, Pid Threlkeld, Eugene
Batmas.
Everybody enjoyed the cordial.
Crittenden record-press. [volume] (Marion, Ky.) 1909-191?, 1916-05-04
The Story Of the Sun.
day School Dollar,
HOW THE DOLLAR WORKED

HOW THE DOLLAR WORKED
On "Go-to-Sunday School
Day" in one of our Sunday
Schools an old man said, Il am
over seventy years old. 1t ha:
been forty years since | was in q
church. The man who is now
Governor Of Kentucky was my
Colonel during the war, always
obeyed every order he issued.
When my old Colonel issued the
order that everybody must come
to Sunday School today had to
obey. Now | am here, what are
you going to do with me?" A
Mems Bible Glass was ready for
him. Three weeks later he be-
came a member of the Church
and has lived a consistent Christ
ian life ever since.
At another Sunday School, a
young man, who had been going
Crittenden record-press. [volume] (Marion, Ky.) 1909-191?, 1916-05-04

The only road to advancement
IS to do your work so well that
you are always ahead Of the de-
mands of your position, Our EN-
ployers do not decide whether
we shall stay where we are or go
on and up; we decide that mat
ter ourselves. Success or failure
are not chosen for us; we choose
them ourselves. Mable.
Crittenden record-press. [volume] (Marion, Ky.) 1909-191?, 1916-05-04
SOCIALISM AND THE FARMER

Many good but misguided peo-
PIE believe that Socialism means
dividing up" breaking up the
home, ,. ''against religion, and
many other foolish things that
have been circulated BY the enc
mics Of Socialism and those who
though honest were uniformed.
Tae same objections were hurl-
ed against our America patriots
Crittenden record-press. [volume] (Marion, Ky.) 1909-191?, 1916-05-04

ity and good cheer of the occa-
sion. And not the least enjoy
able feature of the day was the
elaborate birthday dinner which
was so delightfully."- served.
Crittenden record-press. [volume] (Marion, Ky.) 1909-191?, 1916-05-04
Gard Of Thanks

We desire to express our heart
felt thanks to our many friends
whose assistance and sympathy
did so much for us during the
recent illness and death of our
dear husband and father. Nav
Gods richest blessings rest upon
each and everyone is our PRAYER.
Mrs. Lucy Fletcher and children.
Crittenden record-press. [volume] (Marion, Ky.) 1909-191?, 1916-05-04
PROGRAM.
OF the Pney District Sunday School Convention to Be Held Pny
Fork May 49, 1915.

9:3O Devotional Exercises W. F. Wilson.
1000. Report Of District Secretary.
1920 The Relation Of the Sabbath School TO Church
Efficiency. Rev. l.. f. Mcdowell.
1880. The Sunday School in Modern Life Rev. Geo Gass.
1l:2O. Building Up the Sunday School, Rev McNeely
ll:5O. Offerings and Committees
1900 Noon
100. Linking the Youths to the Church Rev w. B. Terry
1880. Teachers Training Miss Edna Roberts
200. The Standard Of Efficiency Tor the Teacher W Ill.,
2:3O. The Outlook for Our County f. f. Dean
$50, Report of Committees.
300. Sermon Brother Mcdowell
All Sunday Schools cordially invited come in full force
with singing class and report from School Please come and bring
wefed baskets and let have good day and Spiritual
GEO NJ. TRAVIS District President
w. W. LAMB Secretary
Crittenden record-press. [volume] (Marion, Ky.) 1909-191?, 1916-05-04

Economy is a distributive vir-
tue. and consists not in saving.
but in selection. 1t demands a
discriminating judgment and a
firm, sagacious mind.
Edmund Burke.
Crittenden record-press. [volume] (Marion, Ky.) 1909-191?, 1916-05-04
Whenever You Need a ucuera, Ionic
Take Groves

The Old STANDARD Groves Tas,eles.
ehil Tore u equally valuable az a
Ocnei ! Tcoie hcoanssrt contains the
wen Know, Known tonic properties ofQUiNINE
aud ikoN; II acts oa tsl LSer. Drive,
out Malaria, kntiohvs the Hood and
Ba!ids Up the Whole Sys,cta. 50 esa,a
Crittenden record-press. [volume] (Marion, Ky.) 1909-191?, 1916-05-04

James Fletcher, OF the Crayne
section died Thursday and was
buried Friday at Crayne grave
yard. He was n years Of age.
he leaves a wife and several
children.
Crittenden record-press. [volume] (Marion, Ky.) 1909-191?, 1916-05-04
GRITTENDEN RECORD.PRESS.
Marion, KY, May. l., 1916.
S. NJ. JENKINS.
Editor and Publisher

Entered az second-class matter Feb
ruAry 9th ISIS at the postotfice at
Marion, kentucky, uncer the Act Of
Congress OF March 3. ISL.
Crittenden record-press. [volume] (Marion, Ky.) 1909-191?, 1916-05-04
yrS=SSS@
gI)eAIHSi
~ -.

The infant son Of Sam Le-
neave, one month old, died Sat.
nrday and was buried at Sugar
Grove. It's mother died two
weeks ago and it was laid beside
her.
Crittenden record-press. [volume] (Marion, Ky.) 1909-191?, 1916-05-04

SOC per inch 5. c. Foreign Advertising
IS per inch S. {. Home Advertising
Repeated ads one-halt rate.
Metal bases for Plates ana Electros
Locals ur Readers
Sets per line in this size type
locts per line in this size type.
15cts. a line this size type.
Obituaries SC per line Cash
Carig = Thanks &c per Inc With
Resolutions Of respec: sc a line Copy