Newark evening star and Newark advertiser., 1915-05-03

"Where ana you Bet oil III"
money!"
the water wagon"
Hello! What do you want!
"Beefsteak."
What do you want?'
"Beefsteak."
We empty the shop and the butcher
runs to the telephone. "Hey central,
give me the slaughter house. Have
you got any beef any pork, and NUT
tom" !,
They strip the slaughter house and
then telephone to Swift, and Armour,
and Nelson Morris, and Cudahy, to
send down trainloads of beefsteaks.
All on tho Water Wagon.
The whole bunch has gotten on the
water wagon.
And Swift and the other big packers
in Chicago say to their salesmen:
BUY beef, pork and mutton"
The farmer sees the price of cattle
and sheep jump up to three times
their value. Let me take the money
YOU dump into the whiskey hole and
buv beefsteaks with 1t. l will show
what is the matter with America. l
think the liquor business Is the
dirtiest, rottenest business this side
of hell.
Come on. are you ready? Fall in!
We line up in front of q grocery
store.
What do you wantf"
"Why, I want flour"
What do you WANT
Flour"
What do you want?"
Flour"
"Pillsbury, Minneapolis, Sleepy
Eyer"
Yes, ship in trainloads of -four;
send on fast mail schedule, with an
engine in front, one behind and a
mogul in the middle"
Whats the natter"
'Why, the workingmen have stop
ped spending their money for booze
and have begun to buy -four"
Tho big mills tell their men to buy
wheat and the farmers see the price
jump to over $500 per bushel. What's
the matter with the country. Why,
the whiskey gang has your money
and you have an empty stomach, and
yet you will walk up and vote for the
dirty booze gang.
Come on, cut out the booze, boys.
Get on the water wagon; get on for
the sake of your wife and babies, and
hit booze a blow.
Come on, ready, forward, march!
Right, left, halt We are in front of
dry goods store.
What do you want2"
Calico"
What do you want?"
Calico"
What do you want?"
"Calico."
stores Are Stripped.
"Calico; all right, come on" The
stores are stripped.
Hey, Marshall Field, Carson, Pierre
Scott & Co., J. V. Farrell, send down
calico. The whole bunch has voted
out the saloons and we have such g
demand for calico we don't know what
to do. And the big stores telegraph
to Fall River to ship calico, and the
factories telegraph to buy cotton, and
they tell their statesmen to buy cot
ton, and the cotton plantation mar
sees cotton jump up to $3.50 a bale.
What is the matter? Your children
are going naked and the whiskey
gang has got your money. That's
what's the matter with you. DOM
listen to those old whislkey soaked
politicians who say "standpat on the
saloon"
Come with me. Now, remember, we
have the whole bunch of booze fight
ers on the water wagon, and In
going home now. over here I was
John, the drunken bum. The whiskey
gang got my dollar and 1 got tho
quart Over here 1 am John on the
water wagon. The merchant got m,
dollar and I have his meat, -four ant
calico, and I'm going home now. BE
4 ,%fo -
like home without BOOZE
Wife comes out and says, Hello
John, what have you got?"
1.-TWO porterhouse steaks, Sally"
whats that bundle, Pa?"
Cloth to make you a new dress
sis Your mother has fixed your ole
one so often, it looks like a crazy
quilt"
"And what have you there?"
That's a pair of shoes for you
Tom; and here is some cloth to max,
you a pair of pants. Your mother
has patched the old ones so otter
they look like the map of the United
States"
What's the matter with the coun
try. We have been dumping tn,
money into the whiskey hole tha
ought to have been spent for flour
beef and calico, and we haven't tha
hole filled up yet
A man comes along and says "Ar'
you a drunkard?"
Eyes, I'm a drunkard."
Where are you going?"
81 am going to hell"
''Why?"
No Drunkards In Heaven.
Because the Good Book says: N,
| drunkard shall inherent the kingdom
of Cod so / am going to hell"
Another man comes along and
say: Are you church member?''