South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1915-05-21
BRITISH LIFE IS
ORDERED ON THE
EVENTUALLY PLAN
Hi SlbIey Finds Much That's
Amusing to an American But
Finds No Company For
Laughing and Quits.
By III sibIey.

''Aoes Wv tl3 idABueu tu9Sctl III W
bust. but when 1 looked around and
discovered that no one was laughing
at me. I lost interest. Life here is or
dered on ne eventually plan. II
takes much time and much patience TO
get anything accomplished. when one
has TO depend on an Englishman for
cooperation. But they are SO con-
foundedly polite about it. and so cOur-
teous, and accommodating. that one
simply cannot lose patience. The
British are delightful.
You inquire direction of a stranger
ne stops and gives you complete de-
tails as 10 tho best way 10 so. often
he walks a piece with you / stepped
into a confectiOners on the Strand to
get an American ice cream soda.
There were several Mattresses about,
but they first cleared all the tables in
my vicinity before they attended to
me I mildly eXpostulated. and the
girl said "Oh. I'm SO sorry" in such
a profoundly apologize manner. that
j was sorry too that 1 had said
anything
The first day or two here in the
Thackerdy, I found very lonesome.
NJ American friends were all Occu-
pied and was left to shift for myself.
An English stranger is not easy to
approach. always. IL is hard to get
under his skin, and until you get
under a mans skin, he isn't the most
congenial company In these subcu-
taneOus expeditions i had some anus
ing experiences.
Everyone l. Quiet.
What made il SO lonely here at first
was tho fact that everyone is so quiet
and dignided. The employees move
about noiselessly. in The parlOr and
tea room all talk IN subdued tones.
Just as one does at a funeral in the
states After "A few futile attempts To
strife up acquaintance with the re-
served BritOn, IN despair / strOlled
across the street 20 the British mu-
scum opposite. and sought the Egyp-
tlan mUmmies. 1 do not regard an
Egyptian mummy as a tOphole COM
panion, By any means; there Is no
magnetism and not great deal OF
response I'm him. but l lay this rather
10 physical inability than TO inclina-
ton, and know he would be chummy
and sociable if he could. However.
found one khati who appeared TO
be the most receptive, and l told her
my trouble. and what a corlSing place
South Bend was, and lot OF things,
and thus unburdened. l felt much
better. 1 know 1 could place all con-
fdence in Khati. and she surely will
keep the secrets I unfOlded.
Speaking of the eventually" syS-
tenn here, the lifts are the most try
ing Hotel accommodations and ser
vice are a very low standard, and
when Z want anything the quickest
way TO get il IS TO 20 after it, and
there is nothing speedy about that
way, either. Even while writing this
] heard a band playing a military air.
In a great fever l rushed out to see
tt say | rushed out, but l mean
tried 10. I didn't want 10 miss pos
eible German invasion. but by the time
the lift had gone up five floors TO get
me. and had sighed it's way down
those five floors, the band was a long.
long way from Tipperary. / never
did learn what it was for.
Soaring Aspirations Drop.
Its singular. but when on ShipboaTd
pne wants accommodations on the top
deck. in case of submarines. In a
London hotel however. one desires TO
have several floors between him and a
possible Zeppelin bomb. From my
window / look down upon a sea of
UarthCn chimney pots: what a. dandy
rattle and clatter they would make
D. a bomb dropped on them! In an
adjoining house a mild hammered
tabby cat comes and sits in a quaint
EOrner window regular Alice in
Wonderland window. and often Won
der what Puss would do If a bomb
i can suspect.
Although the streets are so dark at
night that il is no pleasure to be out,
no one in London seems 10 be greatly
concerned over possible German air
raid. understand the object in
hardening the streets Is 10 keep the
hostile airmen from knowing where
the greatest number OF people are
Congregated, which seems TO be the
war aviator'S objective. Thus the
Strand and High HOlborn and Charlng
Cross are probably no more distinct
from the air than many streets much
less freQuented. All places OF amuse-
ment. except some Of the theaters,
are closed at 10. After that hour
london is what we would call dead.
Strange TO say, the only mOnocle
have seen since 1 left home was worn
by George Arliss on shipboard. / got
some rather good pictures of him. But
there are top hats galore in London.
] had always thought top hat was
symbol OF dignity. and perhaps II Is,
but il certainly has lost its prestige
with me- One does not have an awful
lot OF respect for top that tops
a soiled collar. which in Jurn is sup
ported by a pair or handy legs en-
NelOped in a pair of nine shillin'
pants. and baggy ones at that Some
men wear spats. and many OF the
smart women. and I Judge the cane
factories work night and day. There
Rre more sticks here than Fords in
America. Even the butchers boy
carries one.
Food II Cheap.
The Brlton complains of the high
prices OF food. but 10 strikes me that
food. and nearly everything but to-
oaccO Is ridiculously cheap. Fancy
getting a fine steak or chop for a
shilling. and am incompatible plum
pudding for siXpenCe (Which is "a and
u cents respectively and other dishes
.u proportion Also. imagine If YOU
can. riding the length OF the Strand |
az its busiest hour in a well-kept taxi :
Tor IS cents in our money. or yoI
,an ride all day in a bus. up on top
q here London life rolls past YOU az .
fascinating manner tbeggin' your le- b
aulgence. I've heard that before) for
.wo cents In our money. y lent 4
up IN a first class restaurant is liz /
sral FOR one
Not having heard from my friend /
N the Red Cross in Paris at this writ /
uE. i Will he phffuaH "a remain in