Wausau pilot. [volume] (Wausau, Wis.) 1896-1940, 1915-01-12
CONFESSIONS
OF A FOOL.
By NJ. QUAD
Copyright, 1914. by Associated Lit
erary Press.


stances, John Williams was called dull.
When he had reached his majority he
was accounted light in the head" He
was a butt of ridicule for years and
years, and no one could ever remember
that he resented it. When he was told.
as was often the case. that he was only
half witted he laughed in a good ma
tured way. If people laughed at him
he laughed back. and If the joke was
on him it seemed to please him as
much as If some one else had been hit.
There was only one thing about the
town fool which was not as plain as
day. From the time he was eighteen
years old he kept a diary. 1t was
often wondered what he wrote down,
but no one ever had a chance to see.
The diary didn't take in daily events.
as was one day discovered, but in the
course Of twelve years an abundance
of things were jotted down. At the
age of thirty John Williams was fatal
ly injured by the kick of a horse.
When it was given out that he had
only three or four days to live the pub
lie had no sympathy to waste. Per-
haps the town fool didn't expect any.
From time to time the doctors told him
he was doomed man. and he began to
set his house in order-that is, he had
his diaries brought to his bed and sent
for justice of the peace and a worthy
witness. He had a few deathbed con-
LESSONS to make. No. i went back
twelve years. A Sawmill in the town
had been destroyed by fire. The day
after the fire man named Thompson
had put redhot cent on the sidewalk
for the town fool to pick up. The
diary recorded both events. The con-
fessiOn was to the effect that John
Williams had seen Thompson sci fire
to the mill. 1t was written out and
sworn to and witnessed, and then came
confession No. 2. In that same year
some one had stolen three smoked
hams from the cellar of villager.
Following close upon the loss OF the
hams, as duly recorded in the diary.
the village blacksmith had ducked the
town fool in his water tub for joke.
Williams and the blacksmith stole the
hams and that the latter was the only
one to profit by the theft. The two
confessions implicated men who had
always been considered upright. and
the justice felt it his duty tC say:
"John, this is serious business. You
know you have only three days to
i've"
"Yes, | know" replied John. ''but
we have hardly begun yet. I've got
to get a whole carload of things off
my mind before l CO."
No. dated back eleven years. A
horse had been stolen from a nearby
farmer, and about the same date
village painter named Swayne had
painted the town FOOLS boots a bright
red by way of joke. The confession
solemnly confessed that the painter
and Williams had stolen the horse and
turned him over to stranger to be
run out of town and sold. Many little
details were put down, and, as it was
solemnly sworn to, the justice heaved
a sigh over the deceit and wickedness
of a man who had always been looked
up to as full Of integrity.
Confession No. went back ten
years. A church edifice belonging to
the Methodists had been set on fire
and partly destroyed 1t had been
pretty well settled that it was the
work Of tramps who had broken in,
but no one had been arrested. Will
liams now confessed that the Widow
Davidson had hired him for S. to set
the fire.
Confession No. was a corker. Some
seven years previous there had been a
local election in which party feelings
ran high. Just before the election came
on one of the candidates for mayor had
been badly shocked by a bolt Of light
ming which struck the house. Nobody
had ever questioned the fact that it
was a straight case of thunder and
lightning, but now the dying man
wanted to wash his conscience. He
named four prominent men in the vii
lage who were In a conspiracy, the
murder of the candidate. They hadn't
let him in on the ground floor or any
other floor, but he had been abroad
the night of the storm and had seen
one of the conspirators strike the can
didate with a bludgeon and then leap
out of the window. The would be
murderer believed he had accomplish
ed his purpose. and there was great re-
joicing as he rejoined his fellow con-
spirators.
The justice hesitated. questioned and
protested, but the town fool was firm
He insisted that everything should go
down and be sworn to. He died de-
claring that he had signed nothing but
what was true. and the justice felt that
he had to move in the matter. The
whole town was by the ears at once.
Those six confessions included every
body who had ever cracked a joke at
the town fools expense. and that meant
seven-eighths Of the population. AL
though the doctors certified that Bill
ly's mind was clear to the last, it was
too big a bite for the law. After three
or four warrants had been issued the
whole affair was dropped-that is, was
legally dismissed-but it wasn't the end
of it by any means. Everybody swore
to his own innocence and declared his
belief in the guilt of everybody else.
and in one year there were score of
damage suits. 1t was five years before
the affair finally sank out of sight. The
town had heap of fun at the expense
Of the towns fool. but in dying he had
more fun than squared the account
q
She Admitted 1t.
The conversation at recent social
affair turned to frank admissions when