The Washington times., 1915-12-21
When Thirty
Five FeignS
Seventeen!
Telling of the Adventures OF
the Aged Forty-two Who
Dressed to Look Like
;. Number 18 Misses!


~ Asst summer she languished alone,
and unattended. forty-two shirt
IL waist and all. she lived by her
self in a big apartment mouse
filled with people who knew one anoth-
err, and were consenial, but she was
out of It entirely. She had thirty-five
years to her credit in addition to the
foPty-two shirt waist size, and she work
ed for Uncle Sam. She used to tell
me once in a while how drab life was.
But yesterday she walked proudly
down r street with a wrist-Watch youth
on either side OF her. and at Fourteenth
and F when she paSsSd the corner
where a bevy of college prodigal sons
were gathered, she received as many
admfRIuE glances as did the girl ahead
Of her (who to the piercing eye Of wom-
an was q bona fide eighteen misses''). i.
In fact she might have been the young
w0man'S prototype. From head TO toe
they were a. alike a. cOnvicts. Each
wore small fur-trimmed turban, each
a tight-fitting basque suit with a ruff
fle skirt, fur on the hem Of the coat.
and fur about the neck and sleeves.
And high. stde-laced colorel' boots to
bateh the suit were very evident by
virtue OF short, spare skirts.
She chatted gayly, and talked not of
mundane sovernmenty muStinesses, but
of politics. and fashion. and Mrs. v.
Castle, and ROSieka Schwimmer. and
made a joke about Noah and the Peace
Ship, and spoke Of everything as be-
ing Smart" or perfectly corking," and
Of adoTinG ever so many things right
Oh hand. And when one Of the youths
said something which made the Other
boy laugh she looked at him and
crinEled up her nose (that same nose
which six months before was NEVER
crinkled under any circumstances and
creased with cold cream every night,
ara said: ''Ohi love IT,"
Behind and before. from the sides,
in the face and even under her skin
and her hat Rhe was metamorDhosed
She was FI.ApPER!
Later in the week, AZ q stool and
sandwich eatsry she confessed the
change. and out OF the fuIlness Of her
heart told how It came about.
ut all began with the suits this
year" She paused and pushed her
cup aside, 30 that she might lean lux :.
uriously upon her elbows. Her cheeks
began to get pink and her eyes (Which
always were pretty) began to dance.
"I asked for my usual tailored
model. you know, lapels, plain and
severe, and couldn't, get one. /
couldn't And one for love or money
that was what I would wear. And
there wasn't thing to be had but
this fur-trimmcd stuff. Fur, fur, fur.
until in desperation, tired to death, 1
bought this. Then m ade the blessed
mistake Of wearing 1t to the millin-
er's when I went for a hat and the
clerk simply choked this fur turban
on me. And here I am.
"The first day went down to the
office 1 was scared stiff. But, do you
know. from that minute. the women
who had always been pleasant TO me
began to freeze me out. and the men
who had never looked at me began to
hang on my desk, also my words. And
at my apartment people began to say
good morning and good evening to me
for the first time
And when my suit was a week old
a friend OF my mothers from the West
came in and offered me a position in
his office at twice what was getting
from Uncle Sam.
THE suit that 1 had hated because It
was merely a larger number OF the
most popular version for mo. u
Misses" has saved my life. am no
longer thirty-five, and wear q forty
two that looks the part, but twenty and
plump, Just plump! And / have another
whole row of chances to get married !
But II It hadn't been for these decep-
tive suits, which make the forty.two
and the eighteen misses absolutely sy"
nonymous and identical and duplicates
Of one another 1 would still be on the
shelf!'
While she helped herself to q cream
pun and made eyes at a chocolate
eclair, a man who had heard the whole
confession stared at her with even
greater admiration than before, ana
nearly broke his neck to have her speak
10 him.
Which merely proves that they all
wish to be fooled!
And the new suits according to this
perfectly true story would fool any
body-anybody.
II you don't believe It try separating
the mothers from their daughters some
thickly populated shopping day and soe.