The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1915-08-13
Being Imper.onaL.
By JOHN ID. BARRY.

BY JOHN j. bAHAN.e ~
+ "A case of some human interest has just come
to my notice. Two women who used to be de-
voted friends had falling out. One accused the
other of some disloyalty. The other tried to ex-
plain, but without success. The friendship of
years was broken. The one that felt injured
declared that she would never speak to her old
friend again, and she kept her word. The other
became embittercd and cynical and, finally, i'll.
Though the outcome in this instance is rather
extreme we all know of cases somewhat similar.
Some of us know of cases much worse. For ex-
ample l know of two brothers who, for more
than twenty years, refused to speak to each other.
When one died the other did not attend the funeral
Such diseased conditions prevail in many fam-
lies, even in families where the members are
churchgocrs and habitualy repeat prayers about
forgiveness, speaking with their lips words that
have no relation to the heart. Human nature can
perform strange feats. No wonder William James
used to say: I'VE can't expect people to be walk
ing consistencies."
In the case of that broken friendship both
women were on the wrong track. The woman that
declared she would never speak to her old friend
again was probably suffering from diseased ego
tism. 1t was egotism that prompted her to make
the remark in the first place and it was egotism
that forced her to keep living up to it. She was
the slave of the sickness that she confused with
herself If she had been free from egotism if she
had cared less for herself than for her FRIEND If
she had been really big, she would have forgiven
the injury whether real or imagined And having
forgiven it, she would have been in the state OF
mind to listen to the friends explanation. She
might have found that as matter OF fact, there
was nothing to forgive except her own disloyalty
S~.> .I Anl har NHa1
resentment She might have saved herself from
one of the most wretched of human indulgences.
the furnishing of others for offenses committed
only in the thoughts of the egotstical and the
picious and the sensitive.
But of course the second woman reacted in
an unhealthy way, people so often do when they
find themselves in situation that requires the
ability to be impersonal. She, too, showed ego
sism If she had really understood her friend she
would probably have been aware Of the existence
of the quality that made the situation possible, she
would have made allowances and she would have
recognized the situation as inevitable. Having
done the best she could to reach understanding,
she would have resigned herself and kept herself
from being embittered. Instead, she took the
weakness OF her friend into her consciousness,
nursed it, and allowed it to become a source OF
poison.
One OF the first lessons we receive when
reach the age of understanding is that human
beings are full of weaknesses. Experience pro-
vdes millions of examples. They supply large
part of the material of history. Suppose we were
to take a personal attitude toward all the wrongs
done since the beginning of recorded time. We
should have peace. We should turn our
lives into torment We should probably go mad.
But when human weakness expresses itself in
wrong done to us, how differently we react. I'm
less we are exceptionally tolerant or patient or
wise, we are likely to feel hurt angry or vim
dctive perhaps all three. Now we must have re-
prisal Suppose we just weak ourselves.
Suppose we do things just bad worse. No
matter We don't stop to indulge in any such
superstition We must have "our rights" We must
punish. Now we are in exactly the mood that may
bring to us long series of miseries.
once witnessed little scene that illustrated
difference of attitude that seemed to significant.
A public of my acquaintance was attacked
by another public The two had long been
friends and their wives were friends. | happened
TO be present when the newspaper reached the man
attacked and his wife. They both read the article
in silence. When they finished the husband smiled
good -humoredy and said: 81 suppose he believes
wife then broke into fury. At the end she said:
You can do as you please. But l intend to write
to that woman and let her know what l think of
his behavior" Instantly she went upstairs. Il
hope she won't do anything foolish" said the hus-
band.
Later heard that the letter sent that day.
1t ended the friendship between the two women.
The two men, however, are still friendly. After
the campaign they met and jokingly compared
bruises.
Many of the things we resent in life re-
sent merely through convention and habit. We
think we ought to be resentfu and, under similar
circumstances, we have been resentfu in the past
But moments reflection will often tell us that
resentment, instead Of doing good, will do HARM
instead of giving relief, will give us more pain
A large number of our vexations stop
by quietly refusing to be vcxed and by putting
them out of our mind. 81 suppose l can let this
thing bother me-" l often hear philosophical
friend remark. But l guess won't" Then he
smiles and thinks of something pleasant, taking
advantage of the providential bene6cence that
makes the thinking of two things at once limos.