davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1915-05-13
4sHooEpD The BEAR AWAY
Pennsylvania Farmer Was Afraid He
Might Violate Game Laws
II He Shot II.

Ebensburg, Pa.-Fearing the game
laws would result in his arrest II he
shot a big black bear which insisted
on hanging around his barnyard,
Amos Paul, a Cambria township farm
er, confined his objections to shoolng
the bear away, according to the story
he told Lester Larimer, county treas
urer.
Paul came to the ~treasurer's Office
to learn what he could do to the bear
r. 1t insisted on hanging around.
my folks are getting scared Of that
bear" Paul told Larimer, 'and I'm
getting tired Of chasing It away. !
don't know but it'll turn on me some
Of these days and chaw me up. What
am I going to do?"
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1915-05-13
The VIII Was Drawn UP.

his office and related his experience,
insisting that the lawyer draw up a
will. The attorney laughed and in an
effort to ease Graham's mind suggest
ed there was no need Of hurry, but
this client was obdurate and the will
was drawn up, Graham leaving his
property to his sister.
Il wish | would die before morn
ing" Graham told the lawyer as he
was leaving. Il never thought Of
death with a feeling Of pleasure be-
fore. Now that my will is made I'm
ready"
Early the next morning Mr.. Haven
was informed that Graham had died.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1915-05-13
SUBJECT FOR BILL MYE'S WIT
Humorist Made Bright Verse Out of
Question Theatrical People Come
to Dread.

Anybody connected with the amuse-
ment world will tell you that the dead
lest and most maddening question is,
where do you go from here?" Bill
Nye, touring the country with James
Whitcomb Riley, had a great many
one-night stands to visit, and came to
suffer acutely through the i~nsistent
repetition of this boob query. At last
he wrote the appended verse, which,
it is believed, never found life in
print:
Where do you go from here?
asks the landlord of our hotel.
And Where do you go from here?"
asks the boy who answers the bell,
And Where do you go from here?"
Oh! Lord, and Where do you go from
here?"
Till in fancy we stand at the last COM
mand, quaking with sudden fear,
And st. Peter says, "Oh, you're those
lecturers. Where do you go from
here?"
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1915-05-13
lust A SIMPLE QUESTION
And II Man Had Waited He Surely
Would Have Had an Answer,
But He Didn't.


Mrs. simpleton, / am a plain. blunt
spoken man"
Yes. l know, Mr.. Tarter."
81 beat around the bush.
When / got ready to ask my first wife
for her heart and hand / did not
waste five minutes in coming to the
point"
"oh, Mr.. Tarter, but don't be too
sudden! You know our sex"
MRS. Simpleton, / have called this
evening to ask you a question"
Yes; but-but-but-"
And l want a plain, plump answer
either Yes or No."
Its awfully sudden, Mr.. Tarter,
but I1l-I1l try Toto"
II have known you three months"
YES"
Il don't think I'm mistaken in your
character"
"Oh, Mr.. Tarter!"
Now, then, / am to be married to
Jennie Jackson tomorrow. Do you
want a position as housekeeper?"
When she revived and sat up he
had vanished, and, though she reached
out with her fingers for his hair, they
clutched nothing but emptiness.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1915-05-13
ALMOST MADE HIM MISS IT
OF Course Wife Was to Blame Be-
cause Opportunity Nearly Got
Away From the Man.

Opportunity knocked twice at the
mans door and was about to knock a
third time when the door was hurried.
ly opened by a woman.
where is the mani" said Opportu-
nifty. "Comei I've no time to lose"
You're the very one he's looking
for."\said the womsn "But-he's &C.
cupied."
You're his wife. aren't you, Tell
him to come"
He won't believe me. He'll think
I'm mistaken. He'll think you are
someone else"
THAT isn't my fault. I've done my
duty. Good-day."
"0h, please don't go. I'll tell him.
I'll try to convince him who you are.
Give me a little time"
Just at this moment the man rushed
out and grabbed Opportunity. Then
he turned roughly to his wife.
why didn't you let me know she
was kn~ocking?" he said. why, she
almost got away. Just like you'll
Life.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1915-05-13
Farris to Be Speaker.

The Ministerial Alliance of Jeffer-
son City made UP of the Protestant
ministers we're defeated in a bitter
fight to prevent Frank H. Farris, rep
resentative from Phelps county, form
er state senator and wet leader in the
last legislature, from delivering the
commencement address at the grad
uating exercise Of the Jefferson City
High School.
The pastors sent to the board a
resolution demanding the withdrawal
of the invitation to Farris, and charg-
ing that he was not a fit person to
deliver the commencement address.
The school board held a special meet
ing and invited the members of the
Ministerial Alliance to come and sub
stantiate their charges. The Rev. A.
r. Liverett, chaplain of the last SEN
ate and spokesman for the preachers,
sent word they would not come to the
controversy, and non Of them did.
The school board, by a unanimous
vote, reaffirmed it's invitation to Far
ris and the public library board in
dorsed the action.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1915-05-13
Wand 2.cent Mileaae BOOKS.

The T. p. "A. state convention, in
session at Moberly, passed the follow
ing resolutions:
Whereas, the public service com
mission of Missouri is taking sufficient
time to get the physical valuation of
the railroads of the state; and
whereas, they have given every
opportunity to the railroads, the
travelling men and the general pub
lie to give evidence for or against the
raise in their rates, be 1t
Resolved, that the T. P. A. Of Mis-
souri, heartily commend the action Of
the public service commission, and,
should they find 1t necessary, from
their examination Of the physical
value Of the railroads, and the evil
dence obtained by them, to raise the
passenger rates, we ask the honorable
commission to require the railroads
to sell, on demand, an interchange
able 1,0O0-mileage book for 500.
During the last session of our
state legislature a II was introduced
calling for the betterment of hotels,
particularly along sanitary lines, and
to bring the smaller hotels under the
jurisdiction of the state hotel inspec-
tor. This bill failed Of passage. Ali
commercial travellers, as well as the
travelling public, are greatly interest
ed in a movement Of this kind; there
fore, be it
Resolved, by Missouri Division T.
P. A, in annual convention as
sembled, that the legislative commit
tee be hereby instructed to have in
troduced at the next session Of our
state legislature a similar bill to the
n referred to, and to use every hon
orable mean to have same become a
law"
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1915-05-13
GOT MAUDLIN DRUNK
Professor Measures Plant Jags With
neutrality-suspicious. 'em Up
With Stick.

Chicago,-An elaboration of the dis
covery that plants are just as sensi-
tive as human beings was made at
the University of Chicago by Profess
sor Jagadis Chuder Bose Of the Uni
versity of Calcutta. Professor Bose
has invented a device called the emo
%tiongraph,' by which he measures the
responses of plants to stimuli.
Il have a carrot which got drunk
when a dish Of alcohol was near it."
said the professor. HE was actually
maudlin until I carried him into fresh
air.
Plants are usually asleep from six
o'clock in the morning until noon.
They may be aroused by beating them
with a stick"
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1915-05-13
l4adIey Home o .

In a letter to Henry Andrae Of this
city, former Gov. Herbert S. Hadley
says he will return to his home in
Kansas City in a week or 10 days,
with his family.
He has been in Arizona since last
fall on account Of his health, which
has become better, but has delayed
returning because his children have
been in school there.
The former governor advised An
drae, who is one of his closest friends
and advisors, that he will open his
campaign for the Republican nomina-
ton for United States senator when
he gets settled again.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1915-05-13
DREAMS HE'S DEAD;
SENDS FOR LAWYER
Montanan In Vision Sees Self In cof-
fin. Makes VIII and
Dies.

Butte, Mont-A remarkable case
of a dream coming true and a wish
being gratihed as a result Of his dream
vision happened when Patrick Joseph
Graham, a resident Of this city for
20 years. died at the home OF his sis
ter, Mrs. Mary Weldon. The strange
story of Graham was disclosed when
Attorney Louis E. Haven appeared at
the courthouse to record a will writ
ten by Graham a few hours prior to
his death.
Mr.. Graham. who had been Ill for
several weeks, took a nap shortly be-
fore supper and dreamed that he saw
himself laid out in a casket- So i'm
pressed was Graham that after sup
per he summoned Attorney Haven to
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1915-05-13
Eathoms Deem.

The boy yawned over his geography.
How deep is the ocean?" he in
quired, pointing to the center Of the
Pacific.
Thousands of fathoms, my SON
thousands"
We'll, how much is a fathom?"
"a fathom is-er-er-are you look
ing at the Pacific? Well, your Uncle
Karl years ago was shipwrecked in the
Pacific and the pirates came out after
him, and the cannibals-but I'm too
busy now to tell you the story. Run
along to bed"
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1915-05-13
BABY LOVES HIS BATH
With cuticura Soap Because So sooth-
ing When His Skin Is Hot.

These fragrant supercreamy emol-
lients are a comfort to children. The
Soap to cleanse and purify, the Oint-
ment to soothe and heal rashes, itch
ings, chafings, etc. Nothing more eff
fective. May be used from the hour
of birth, with absolute confidence.
Sample each free by mail with Book.
Address postcard, Cuticura, Dept. KY,
Boston. Sold everywhere.-Adv.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1915-05-13
Heir Not a Gale.

The guide suddenly halted the party
of Americans.
"Ah, there comes the heir to the
throne" he said, removing his hat as
a royal equipage appeared.
The little boy Of the party nudged
his mother and whispered:
did he take off his hat for fear the
air would blow it off?"
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1915-05-13
Not Asklna Much.

so you are ambitious to have a.
little garden?"
YES"
"You ought to get a lot Of pleasure
out Of It,"
II don't expect to get any pleasure
out of it, but il l can get a few beets
and turnips in return for a great deal
OF hard work I'll be satisfied"
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1915-05-13
BARKER BRINGS
0VERCHARGE SUIT
SUPREME COURT LISTENS TO AT.
ToREEYs IN CASE CON-
cERNINe EXCESS FARE.
TWELvECOMPANIEs INVOLVED
Each Corporation Asked to Pay ST.
100000, But Federal Court Holds
That Bonds Filed Covers
Liabilities.
jefferson City.

jefferson City.
Attorney General Barker and his
assistants and attorneys for IL rail
road companies began in the supreme
court their arguments in the Chicago
& Alton case on the decision Of which
hangs $24. 1000, 900 excess fare suits in
stituted by Barker against the IL
trunk line railroads Of the state.
Barker sued the railroads for 81
900, 900 each. Judge Samuel Davis
held in the Alton case that a 100000
bond filed by each of the railroads
to cover costs in the federal court
stood as the full measure of liability
for which the roads could be held re-
sponsible. Barker appealed.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1915-05-13

hams Vegetable Compound. After TAX
ing the third bottle of the Compound I
was able to do my homework and today
! am strong and healthy again. I will
answer letters if anyone wishes to know
about my case. Mrs. JOSEPH AsELN,
Cos Fourth Avenue, Minneapolis, MINI.
Lydia E. Pinkham's Vegetable Com
pound, made from native roots and
herbs, contains no narcotics or harmful
drugs, and today holds the record Of
being the most successful remedy we
know for woman's ills. If you need such
q medicine why don't you try it?
If you have the slightest doubt
that Lydia e. Pinkham's Vegeta-
BILE Compound will help you, write
to Lydia E. inkham MedicineCO.
confidential Lynn, Mass, for adj
vice. Your letter will be opened,
read and answered by a woman
and held in strict confidence.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1915-05-13

Waynesboro, Pa-Upton v. Gift has
been presented with his eleventh
daughter. The father says that. while
he would have preferred the stork
would have brought him a boy for
once, as he has no boys yet, still an
other daughter added to the charming
circle Of ten is very welcome.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1915-05-13
Traffic Survey.

President Richard McCulloch Of the
United Railways Company, in a letter
to Chairman John M. Atkinson of the
public service commission, announced
that a traffic survey will be started
May 10 in accordance with a recent
order of the commission.
Inspectors will be stationed to get
data on traffic at various hours in diff
ferent parts of the city, in order to
comply with the suggestions Of the
commission for the betterment of the
service
The results obtained by the inspec-
tors will be reported to the commits
sion.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1915-05-13
A Tale often Told.

Society is Just 10Y afflicted with
a new species of bore"
"Still another?"
Its the young woman who tells
everybody she meets how the war in
Europe prevented her from finishing
her musical education"
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1915-05-13
shIppers Ask Excess.

In the overcharge suit Of Attorney
General Barker against the Chicago &
Alton Railroad Company, which will
be heard for final submission in the
supreme court en- banc, a brief and
argument was filed by Henry L. Nc
Cune and Ernest E. Watson Of Kansas
City and Clifford B. Allen of st. Louis
as amici- curiae.
The fling of the brief is regarded as
an indication that the private shippers
desire to protec. themselves in the
event the court holds that the attor-
ney general cannot prosecute blank
ct" suits.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1915-05-13
To Drive Out Malaria
And Build In The system

Take the Old Standard GROVES
TASTELESS chill TONIC. You know
what you are taking. as the formula is
printed on every label, showing it is
Quinine and Iron in a ~tasteless form. The
Quinine drives out malaria. the Iron
builds up the system. SO cents. Adv.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1915-05-13
Accounting for Tastes.

Bacon-I see expert French butter
tasters claim they a perceive the
favor of the soil over which cattle.
feed.
Ebert-Must have sort Of a taste
Of shrapnel now.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1915-05-13
He's Got II.

Doctor, I'm afraid I've an attack of
spring fever and ague."
Indeed? How does it affect your"
my temperature goes up when |
start for business, and when ! get
there I feel like shaking work"
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1915-05-13
after SUFFERING
TWO LONG YEARS
Mrs. Aselin Was Restored to
Health by Lydia E. Pink
hams Vegetable
Compound.
Minneapolis, MINI. my little
n was born l was sick with pains in

sides which the
doctors said e
caused by infamma-
ton. 1 suffered q
great deal every
month and grew very
thin. Twas under the
Doctors care for two
long years without
any benefit. Finally
repeated sug-
gestions to try it We
got Lydia E. Pink
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1915-05-13

Experience benefits only those who
have had it, and sometimes not wen
them.-Albany Journal.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1915-05-13
The Pesslmlst.

Payton-A bachelor is a man who
has been crossed In love.
Parker-Yes, and a married man has
been double-crossed.-Life.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1915-05-13
Exact Copy Of Wrapper.


Please, sir, I'd like this afternoon
off to go to my cousins funeral"
Your cousin? Oh, I see! You are
saving up your grandmother for the
championship games"
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1915-05-13

Every spinster knows Of at least a
dozen men who might have married
her IT,
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1915-05-13

ALIENS FOOT-EAsE Tor the TROOPS
Over 100000 packages Of Aliens Foot-Ease, the
antiseptic powder to shake into your shoes, are
being used by the German and Allied troops at
the Front because 1t rests the feet, gives In
slant relief to Corns and Bunions, hot, swollen
aching, tender feet, and makes walking easy.
Sold everywhere, Csc. Try It TODAY. Don't
accept any substitute. Adv.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1915-05-13

1t is a custom among the women of
Java to chew betel nuts, which dis
colors the teeth, giving them the look
of black varnish.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1915-05-13

1t is easy to size up egotism that is
not causing u own skulls to bulge.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1915-05-13

Theory and practice are somewhat
different-as young lawyers or physi.
clans can tell you.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1915-05-13

YOUR OWN DRUGGIST WILL TELL you
Try Murine Bye Remedy. for Red. Weak, watery
Eyes and Granplated .Eyelidsi No BmArting-
BY mali Free. Murine Bye Remedy Co., chicago.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1915-05-13
Just That.

That fellow certainly can make {
great speech"
THAT SO? Then why doesn't he?"
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1915-05-13

The Almighty puts long tails on
horses and mar cuts them of.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1915-05-13
rest d corporate capItaI.

: CUE Ut 0VT PVTNFG WFT1N T n
The Leppert-Roos Fur Company has
made application for a mandamus to
compel the secretary Of state to issue
a certificate Of Incorporation. Their
capital stock is not as big as the sec
Rotary thinks 1t should be.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1915-05-13

Lots Of strange things are done in
the name Of precedent.-Toledo Blade.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1915-05-13
Journalism school.

Word comes that the School Of
journalism, which has Just held a
field week at Columbia, enjoyed q bet
ter attendance and more enthusiasm
than at any previous gathering in its
history.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1915-05-13

The general impression is that JEFF
ferson City industry is chiefly con
fined to law-making, and court pro-
cedure, but the Red Book will show
a manufacturing business Of over ST.
00O,0O is carried on at the seat Of
government.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1915-05-13

Mobile, Ala, May 5.-The banana
crop in Honduras viii be smaller this
year because Of the swarms Of locusts
that have stripped the plants Of their
leaves and exposed the fruit to the
sun.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1915-05-13

II a man is smart he doesn't need
the inspirations of religion to make
him behave himself.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1915-05-13

The World OF the Blind, said to be
the first periodical ev6t published in
the United States or elsewhere by
blind persons, has just been issued.
The paper reviews work done by the
sightless and Is published in st. Louis
under the direction Of the United
Workers for the Blind. The paper is
to be published monthly.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1915-05-13
Convict Escapes.

John Caulder who was being taken
to the p~enitentiary TO serve a FIVE
year sentence from Howell county,
escaped the watchful eye Of Sheriff
Davis. and fed TO the roof Of the
train. eventually getting away.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1915-05-13

Twenty-Five paroles have been
signed by Acting Governor Painter
for ~convicts, all of whom will be re-
leased May ~. In this list there are
six persons who yer convicted Of
murder in the first or second degree
and given sentences ranging from 10
TO 50 years.
The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1915-08-01
HARvESTERS KILL HIS SNAKES.
Made Kansan Mad and lie Fired
the whole crew.

UurcHINsoS, Kan, July 81 Ben
Johnson liz shy one harvest crew. Also
i've bull snakes Ten minutes after ne
snakes persisted the crew was fired. For
they-the snakes-were Ben's pets
J hnson IL a prominent farmer OF the
cheyenne bottoms district, In BARTON
county. once on a time rodents were
very plentiful on the Johnson place He
found that bull snakes were the best
rat catchers on earth.
After much painstaking care Johnson
tralned Ave hail snakes until they would
literally come when he whis,led and eat
from his hand. Every evening after
the milking was done Rem would whistle
and his snakes would c me running, or
rather crawling. for their milk. They
got so they seemed To like TIpperarN,
Notwithstanding the alleged aversion OF
snakes for anything irish.
one evening last wee along about
sundown the harvest crew was resting
out near the milk house. one OF them
struck M ~histling "Tipperary.' In
nm instant five snakes, big. long, ug.N
looking reptiles. came crawling toward
the harvesters from under the barn.
Those haryes, hands put up a < cd
fight. although they were badly fright
ened. when they had finished Ben
.lonnson's Pc, snakes we're cold In death
Ten minutes later Ben Johnson was
,elephoning TO town for another harvest
crew.
The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1915-08-01
THE COFFEE MARKET.
Failures DuII-Priccs = 10 u Poiut,
On-Snlcs 1000 unp.,

The coffee futures market was duh
yesterday. with prices 3 to 4 points off
on transactions of only 1000 bags.
There was little speculative interest, ON
either side of the market. prices easing
on slightly under week end evening mn
sales. The cables were irregular. Tn.
advance at Rio was offset by the decline
at Santos. Receipts continued heavy
and Santos stocks showed "A large in
crease.
Gomez futures market showed an
easier tone during the past week. and
prices declined about "A quarter Of a
cent. Trading was very light. hut there
was an absence of buying support and
prices yielded under light offerings. The
declining tendency of prices at Brazil
was IA factor. Offers in cost and freirhts
were lower and the Santos spot market
showed weakness. Exchange started
hrm, but became easy toward the close.
Brazilian markets were widely irregu-
lar. Rio Is advanced IS refs to asoSO,
while Santos a. declined 100 refs to
$500. Rio and Santos receipts totalled
$4,000 bags. Sac Paulo had 1900 and
~Jundiahy 10000. The rate OF Rio cx-
change on London was unchanged at
!. I'D. Prices were