New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1915-11-21

/ tHglOn OF war, uuluHcO W TIC swim
My voice must be more. modulated -"un-
rufled-(p ause)-by the storm"
Enter Tumulty.
Presdent-Good morning, Mr.. Tumulty.
What have we in the mail this morning
Nothing disqueting, hope?
Tumulty--Al quiet on the Potomac, your
honor. Though it's the only quiet part
Of the universe just now; and there'd
have been some noise there, too, II
hadn't happened TO pass the cellar stairs
In the nick Of time last evening. and
found Count Bernstorf laying this bomb
next the rangel Look out for It, your
honorl (handing bomb.) It's not mere
notepaper eloquence that's inside OF 1t
but real Proosian explosive!
Presdent-How very unwise Of Bernstorffl
Just now when our relations with the I'm
peral Government are becoming strained
quite strained. What evidence have
you that the Ambassador had anything
70 do with this? We must get the facts,
Tumulty.
Tumulty-Only that I saw the black villain
carrying it in his arms.
President-That is not evidence-that io q
clew. We must consult Lansing. We
must have affidavits. Time, Tumultv--
time cures bombs. Anything else?
Tumuty-Here's his visiting card that he
gave me for identification.
The President-That is important. We must,
perhaps, send cipher cable to his I'm
peral Majesty to ask him IL he dis
avows the card. Nothing hasty, Tumulty.
Germany, you know, is the ancient friend
of our country. We have the closest ties
with the Prussian Kingdom-ties by
treaty, by good will and by our mutual
efforts 70 elevate mankind. Many of
our best citizens are Germans and we
must not ALLEVIATE or excite them by
meddling in the unhappy conflict now In
progress in Europe. America First, Tu-
multyl Anything else? l feel the need
of thought shall, If possible, devote
this morning to quiet and secluded
thought. Therefore, read me only the
most immediate news.
Tumulty-A four million dollar fire In the
Bethlehem works.
The President (abstractedly) Proceed.
Tumulty-Two gun factories destroyed at
Hartford, and big muniton plant
wrecked by dynamite at New Haven.
Seven other minor war factories de-
stroyed.
The President (as before)-Proceed.
Tumulty-The Ancona, an Italian passenger
ship, torpedoed by an Austrian suhma-
rine
The President-Surely they gave notice be-
fore fringf
Tumulty- notice but to pepper the
life boats and dance jigs while they
killed the poor devils swimming for
Africa in the Hgean waters!
The President-But IL was an Austrian boat
Our good friends, the Germans, would
never do this. Ny recent diplomatic
triumph in the Lusitania unpeasantness
settled that principle, you know. We
are safely past that period. at least
prosperity and virtue-unrufiled by the
storm"
Tumuty-Unrufled or ruffled, there are a
dozen American women and children at
the bottom of the sea!
The President (dreamily) Can II be that
shall have to write another note? Leave
me, Tumulty. | feel in the mood of in
spiration. The words begin TO flow. |
see all things clearly. ! need only time
for quiet thought.
Tumulty-Here's little matter the papers
are talking Of.
The Presi|e~'-oh the papersl Where's
Colonel Housed
Tumuty-He was in Constantinople on
Thursday; Paris, Friday; Berlin, Satur-
day; London, Sunday; and now he's in
the back kitchen drying his feet and
eating cornbread out of the pan.
The PRESIDENT will see him after my nap
Tumulty-I beg your pardon, your honor,
but here's something important.
The President-Spare me, Tumulty, | have
phrase on the Woman's Suffrage ques-
ton just on the tip of my brain. 1t be-
gan this way-"When woman-when
woman"-
Tumulty-Well, sir, there's a woman in this
case.
The President-What's that?
Tumulty-Count Bernstorff Is very angry.
He's been here twice this morning al
ready and says he must see you. He
says: 81 must the President see. | have
insulted been"
The President-Who could be no unwise so
unneutral as 10 insult that excellent
man? will take evidence. Send for
Lansing. (After pause What seems
TO be the trouble?
Tumuty He's hot, your honor! He says
two Americans frightened his little dog.
The President-Frighten Bernstorff's dog!
Horrible An Ambassador and our best
friend. Notify the police I'll issue a
proclamation It's time for one anyway
We need another day of prayer, Tumulty.
These insurgent Americans, hot-headed,
foolish men. exciting tumults In the
country! This passion, this misguided,
unwise, untrue patrotism!-who fright
ened Bernstorff's dog?
Tumulty-The wife Of the policeman struck
at him with spoon because he bit the
baby
The President-M onstrousl Are the parents
American?
Tumulty-The dogs parents, sir, are Ger
man dogs, your honor, and the baby's
parents are neutrals. You know what
mean.
Int