davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1915-07-17
HINTS FOR THE HOUSEWIFE
Compiled by . Substitute While the
Regular Man Was Away From
His Desk.

A good way to save money on your
gas and electric light bills is to spend
your evenings at theaters and restau-
rants where the management pays for
the lights.
If your husbands hair shows signs
of falling out, try pulling his ears in
stead. They very seldom come loose.
Installment collectors and other I'M
desirable callers can he made to keep
their distance by mearG of ripe toma-
toes served at long range.
A society matron, whose position de-
mands that she entertain a great deal
more than she can really afford has
discovered that by serving a few bird
shot with each portion of guinea hen
the guests can be made to think they
are eating game.
young wife of our acquaintance
tried for years to break her husband
of the habit of bringing home unex-
pected guests to dinner. At last she
took the advice of a friend and flirted
desperately with the very next man
her husband invited to the house. After
that there was no more trouble.-New
York World
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1915-07-17
WAVES HIGH UP IN RANK
Sufferer From Effects of High Seas
Was Designating Them as He
Watched Their Approach.

A New York man was crossing the
Atlantic with an army officer who suf-
fered greatly from seasickness.
On entering the stateroom one par
ticularly rough day he found the off,
Ger tossing in his berth, muttering in
what at first appeared to be sort of
delirium.
STOPPING over to catch his words,
the friend heard him say: Sergeant
major =. sergeant major
brigadfer general :. ugh, lieu
tenant general a-a-a-h!"
What are you saying?" asked the
friend in some alarm, as the sufferer
loked piteously up at him after his
last gasping "a-a-hi"
Assigning the waves their rank, :"
said the military man, rolling toward
the wall again. There have been
eight lieutenant generals within the
last twenty minutes
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1915-07-17

an old cows tail across his cheek as
they rushed on and out Of that ami
mails life forever
Aunt Miranda tried to be brave and
to chat pleasantly. How is Wall
street these days?" she asked, and just
then the machine struck stone and
she went up in the air
Unsettled" answered Uncle Gilbert
when she got back, and then there
was an embarrassing silence.
To try to hold a polite conversation
on motor car in full fight is very
much like trying to repeat the Declare
ton of Independence while falling
from a seventh-story window.
Then, all of sudden, the machine
struck a chord in G and started for
Newfoundland at the rate of 1000, 900
miles a minute.
Aunt Miranda threw her arms
around Uncle Gilbert's neck, he threw
his neck around thelever, the lever
threw him over, and they both threw
a fit
Down the road ahead of them a
man and his wife were quarreling.
They were SO much in earnest that
they did not hear the machine sneak
ing swiftly up on rubber shoes.
As the Benzine Buggy was about to
fall upon the quarreling man and wife
Uncle Gilbert squeezed a couple of
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1915-07-17

q AYi did you ever have to leave
~ the soothing influence of your
own rafting radiators in the Big City
and go romping off to rich relations
for the Christmas weekend?
Well, don't do it, if you can help it.
and if you can't help it get back home
as soon as possible.
When Uncle Gilbert Hawley sent us
an invitation to run up to Hawleys-
vile for a day or two / looked at
Peaches and she looked at me-then
we both looked out of the window.
We knew what wildly hilarious
time we'd have splashing out small
talk to the collection of human brio
a-brac always to be found at Uncle
Giiberts, but what is one going to do
when the richest old gink in the fam
lily waves a reckoning arm?
I'll tell you what one is going to do
one is going to take to ones O'SuI-
hvan's, beat it rapidly to choo-choo
and float into Uncle Gilbert's presence
with business of being tickled to
death-that's what one is going to do
You know nature has a. few immu-
table laws and one is that even a rich
old uncle must in the full course of
time pass on and leave nephews and
1t! Where's that time table?
Hawleysville is about forty miles
away on the P. d. e O., and it is some
burg. Uncle Gilbert wrote it all him.
self.
Uncle Gilbert has nearly all the
money there is in the world Every
time he signs check a national bank
goes out of existence. He tried to
count it all once, but he sprained his
wrists and had to stop.
On the level, when he goes into a
bank all the government bonds get up
and yell, Hello, papai''
When he cuts coupons it's like a
sheep shearing.
He has muscles all oy er him like a
prize fighter just from lifting mort
cages.
When Peaches and I finally reached
the Hawley mansion on the hill we
found there a scene of great excite
ment. Old and distant relations were
busting up and down the stone steps,
talking in whispers; servants with
scared faces and popping eyes were
Eeeping around the corner of the
house and in the roadway in front of
a sobbing automobile stood Uncle Gil
bert and Aunt Miranda, made up to
look like two members of the Peary
expedition at the Pole.
After the formal greetings we were
soon put hep to the facts in the case.
You see, john" dubbed Aunt Mi
randa, while pair of great green Cog
giles danced an accompaniment on her
nose; your Uncle Gilbert loaned the
money to a man to open a garage in
Hawleysville. But automobiles never
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1915-07-17

got any blowouts or punctures going
through here because there isn't sa-
loon in the town, so the garage failed
and the man left town in an awful hur-
~ and all your Uncle Gilbert got for
the money he loaned was this car
We've been four years making up our
minds to buy one and now we have
one whether we want it or not"
''Ffne!" 1 said Going out for a
spin, Uncle Gilbert?"
Possibly he answered, never TAX
ing his eyes on the man-killer in front
of him, which stood there trembling
with anger.
What car is it?' I inquired polite
ly.
It's Seismic Uncle Gilbert said
oh. yes. of course; made by the
Earthquake Brothers in Powderville-
good car for the hills, especially COM
ing down." i volunteered. Know how
to run it?'
Il guess SO; / was always a good
hand at machinery" Uncle Gilbert an
swered.
Don't you think you should have a
chauffeur" Peaches suggested
Chauffeur! Why" Uncle Gilbert
snapped back What do want with
one of those fellows sitting around,
eating me out of house and homer
Now you know why he has SO much
money.
Wen be back in little while
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1915-07-17
WRONG Diagnosis.

One of the prominent clubs of this
city gave contract for the decoration
of their building in honor of the visit
of the fleet, and the decorator con-
ceived the idea that the word wei
come" spelled out in signal flags would
be an appropriate and beautiful design
for the front wall, over the entrance.
He asked a naval officer for directions,
and. following the code which said
officer wrote out for him, very inter
esting result was obtained. Judge of
the surprise of the contractor when an
army officer, happening by, asked: do
you know what you have written?"
why, welcome" stammered the
decorator.
mot by long shoti" said the army
officer. you have up there, To
h with the army Life.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1915-07-17

der the hood to see if the trouble
was stubbornness or appendicitis.
Uncle Gilbert took a dislike to a
brass valve and began to knock it
with the monkey wrench, whereupon
the valve got mad at him and upset a
pint of ancient salad oil all over his
features
When Uncle Gilbert recovered con-
seriousness the machine was breathing
again, SO he jumped to the helm,
pointed the bow at Boston, Mass, and
began to cut the grass
Alas! however, it seemed that the
demon of unrest possessed that Coal
oil Coupe. for it soon began to jump
and skip. and suddenly, with a snort,
1t took the river road and scooted
away from town
Uncle Gilbert patted it on the back
and spoke soothingIy, but it was no
use.
Aunt Miranda pleaded with him to
keep In near the shore, because she
was getting seasick; but her tears
were in vain
You must appear calm and indif-
ferent in the presence of danger"
muttered Uncle Gilbert as they rushed
madly into the bosom of a flock of
cows
But luck was with them, for with
turn of the wrist Uncle Gilbert jumped
the machine across the road, and all
he could feel was the sharp swish of
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1915-07-17
A Ely Town.

San Vicente, Mexico, is community
of fly catchers. 1t lies in the Sierra
Madre mountains and its industry con-
sists in catching flies for a European
market where compressed fly cakes
are used as bird food. The Mexicans
harvest their crop ON a marsh which
breeds millions of black flies some
what larger than the common house
fly. During the season the poems go
among the swarms of insects with nets
Each catch is emptied into a bag and
at the end of the day the bags are
emptied into a box which is also a
press A cover is placed on it and
pressed down and weighted with heavy
stones After "a hours the contents
are pressed into a layer This is cut
into six-inch cubes and dried in the
sun and is then ready for export A
special tariff on the importation of
these cakes is levied by Germany,
where most of them go. The San
Vincente community almost lives on
this unique industry.-Technical
World
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1915-07-17
Sad Part of the Alteration.

Every darn fool in this town thinks
he could run a newspaper better than
l cant" grumbled the editor of the
Torpidville Tocsin and Guardian of the
Hearthstone, the price whereof was
a dollar year. and the time to sub
scribe now.
'Ey-yahi'' replied Mortimer Morose.
"And the worst of 1t is, a good many
of 'em could!"-Kansas City Star.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1915-07-17
A Good Breakfast
Properly Selected
Means running start toward the days work.
ag start toward the days work.
WISE WORDS
A Physician on Food.

A physician of Portland, Oregon, has
views about food. He says:
"I have always believed that the duty
of the physician does not cease with
treating the sick, but that we owe 1T to
humanity to teach them how to protect
their health especially by hygienic and
dietetic laws.
with such feeling as to my duty
take great pleasure in saying to the
public that in my own experience and
also from personal observation nave
found no food to equal Grape-Nuts and
that / find there Is almost no limit to
the great benefit this food viii bring
when used in all cases of sickness and
conva1escence.
1T is my experience that no physical
condition forbfds the use of Grape-Nuts.
To persons in health there is nothing
SO nourishing and acceptable to the
stomach especially at breakfast to
start the machinery of the human sys-
tenn on the days work In cases or
Indigestion / know that a complete
breakfast can be made of Grape-Nuts
and cream and / think it is necessary
not to overload the stomach at the
morning meal. also know the great
value of Grape-Nuts when the stomach
is too weak to digest other food.
This is written after an experience
of more than 20 years treating all man
ner of chronic and acute diseases. and
the letter is written voluntarily on my
part without any request for it." Name
given by Postum Co, Battle Creek.
Mich.
Look In pkgs for the famous little
book, The Road to WellviIle.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1915-07-17
Did Not Hate Him That Bad.

81 was telling Titewad this morn
ing that shells for 12-inch gun cost
$500 EACH
well, what about it?"
HE said he wouldn't shoot one of
those at his worst enemy
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1915-07-17
shockino and Inexcusabte Waste.

1.-THE plaintiff in a recent suit for di-
vorce," related the simp, declared
that he awoke in the night to find his
bed soaked with alcohol and his wife
hunting for a match!"
"Ar-r-r-ri" grumbled DeLeary NJ.
Trimmins, "that was heck of way
to waste alcohol, wasn't it?"-Kansas
City Star.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1915-07-17
Estimating the Probabilities.

my daughter is having her voice
trained" said Mr.. Cumrox.
us she a soprano or a contralto?"
81 dunno. l suppose she'll decide to
be whichever costs the most"
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1915-07-17
Well Named,

Jack Slow-May I-er-kiss your
Miss Sweet-Wh0t do you want
written permission?
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1915-07-17
More important.

Fine feathers do not make fine
BIRDS" said the ready-made philoso-
pher.
NO." replied Mr.. Growcher; their
responsibilities are greater. They are
depended on to make fine human be-
ings."
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1915-07-17
Romance xs. Reality.

Ali" sighed the sentimental maid,
What is SO old as the lofty hills2''
Il don't know" responded the mat
ter-offact young man. unless 1t is the
unlofty valleys"
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1915-07-17
Has the Air.

THAT new clerk of yours seems to
be an important person about here"
You are right
"Then he is important? ?"
mo. He seems to be-
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1915-07-17
His Natural Mistake.

"You criticize u.s." said the Chinese
visitor, yet see all your women have
their feet bandaged.'
"That is an epidemic" it was ex-
planned to him gently, which broke
out in 1914 Those are called spats."
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1915-07-17

After man gets about SO old 1t
keeps him busy trying to rectify the
mistakes of his youth
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1915-07-17

Heroes have to wade through a io
lot of trouble to get reputation.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1915-07-17
Good Reason.

why is the policeman looking at
your wall so suspiciously?"
81 suppose he noticed 1t was COW
cred with a vine that is something of
a porch climber"
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1915-07-17

If you want to study human nature
don't patronize a correspondence
school. Watch your neighbors.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1915-07-17

And many a chap who talks like a
wise man acts like fool.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1915-07-17

But you can never measure mans
achievements by his own tongue.
The Detroit times. [volume] (Detroit, Mich.) 1903-1920, 1915-07-30
WHY JONES HASN'T
THE RECORD

The report that John Paul Jones
win attempt 10 get into condition
and beat Taber's new record for the
mile run 10 seriously doubted in the
east, for the reason that Jones is In
business. and running for records
and business do not seem to mix ad-
mirably.
Johnny Mack. the Yale coach and
trainer. thinks. however. that the
former Cornell distance star could
come back and set q new record.
Mack is of the opinion that Jones
has the mile in $40 In him, and
says that breaking training early In
the summer is the only thing that
kept John Paul from setting that rec
ord.
When Jones had his big season at
Cornell. his last year in school. he
did not keep on edge after the inter
collegiate meets were held. Seeking
q record In May or early June Is
much different than going after such
= mark the middle Of July. and had
Jones kept training until hot wealth
or, Mack believes the youth would
have succeeded in establishing the
record.
The Detroit times. [volume] (Detroit, Mich.) 1903-1920, 1915-07-30
PLAN CITY
STADIUM
Grand Rapids Has Mu-
nicipal Sport Bug
Big Park Proposed

GRAND RAPIDS. Mich, July 80.
A municipal baseball park idea
has been floating around this city
for some time. and II has been
growing. Now asmunicipal athletic
stadium for all sports Is proposed.
and Is getting some strong backing.
The plan as originally presented
has been changed in some respects
and now the idea is to acquire a
suitable site and erect a stadium
with suficient seating capacity for
conducting big events that would
draw from all parts of the state. A
park big enough to seat $4,000 would
be about the size Grand Rapids
could support.
The league baseball games, high
school football, athletic meets and
independent contests and meets
would serve TO maintain the park
alone and keep 1t In use the greater
part Of the year. Then, too. IL has
been suggested that the annual M.
A. C.-Mlcnigan rootoail game might
be brought here every other year.
In Lansing there is no suitable
place for playing this game and q
stadium here would be an admirable
solution TO the problem.
Besides being adapted TO these
various sports the stadium might
be used for the introduction OF the
boxing game in Grand Rapids on q
broader scale providing the present
antagonism toward the sport in tbs
state In overcome.
Before long the agitators for such
a stadium will map out definite
campaign in an endeavor to give
Grand Rapids a splendid municipal
" owned park by next year.
The Detroit times. [volume] (Detroit, Mich.) 1903-1920, 1915-07-30
What May Happen
In Standings Today
Horse Track O. X.
for Men Runners

The i4o-yard straightaway at the
Panama-Pacifc exposition is a sec
tor Of the trotting track. That,
however. Is nothing for the runners
10 worry over. Didn't Maxey Long
make the present record OF AIS on
the Gutenberg track In Jersey!
Didn't Wendell Baker make the
mark that Long erased at Beacon
Park! And didn't W. c. Downs
make his record. which was not al
lowed. on the same track!
Race tracks are all right II snf.
fcient time since they have been
used for horses has elapsed to get
them into good shape for foot rae
ing. Arthur McAleenan. captain Of
the New York A. c., Ia on the
ground. and he says there Is no
kick coming on the track at San
Francisco.
The Detroit times. [volume] (Detroit, Mich.) 1903-1920, 1915-07-30
First Basen,en Again Are
BasebalI's Batting Stars

There was q time when baseball
managers looked to their outneld-
ers for the big wallop. the base
knock that would break up . ball
game, while Arst basemen. as long
a. they handled thrown balls and
bunts in good shape. were consid.
cred 70 have done their work.
This season one-half OF the 1s
managers In the National and Amer.
lean leagues look 70 their hrst sack.
ers for the base knock IN . pinch.
There Are 10 players batting 300
IN the National league. -Four Of
them are nryt ssckerS and only two
are outflsldeSs. Jsks Daubert. Of
Brooklyn. leads the : league. Fred
MsrkIs Of The Giants, ranks thru;
Fred Ludsfus. of the Phils, NTH;
The Detroit times. [volume] (Detroit, Mich.) 1903-1920, 1915-07-30
Holes Ball i'm One;
Sure, StOry's True

A banker Of Huntington. L. l.. and
lawyer friend were playing golf
and drove from q tee to the next
hole. $50 yards away.
The lawyers ball was found with
out dimculty, but the two men and
caddies spent half an hour or SO
looking for the bankers ball.
Finally one of the caddies
CHANGED to look into the hole, and
there was the bail. A drive OF $50
yards and the ball holed In one.
The Detroit times. [volume] (Detroit, Mich.) 1903-1920, 1915-07-30
Takes Girls to Set
Real Baseball Record

NEWTON. July 30.-The scoring
members OF the Newton Lower
Falls playground girls baseball
team ran something like Ave miles
on the basepaths recently, doing the
I20-ysrd circuit 70 times. Mean
while their opponents, the Newton
Highlands playground girls team,
scored twice.
All this in four innings. The
teams were to play five, but the
leg-weary Lower Falls players pro-
posed that the final session be not
played, and inasmuch az the other
teams prospects Of winning out in
the fifth looked dubious. the propo.
sition was assented TO.
The Detroit times. [volume] (Detroit, Mich.) 1903-1920, 1915-07-30

This IL the third NJ. 4 NJ. day OF
the week. Wednesday was one. and
there was no racing at all that day.
because OF unwonted activities On
the part Of Jupiter Aquavicious, who
Is batting 600 in the Pest league
this month. There was lots OF dandy
racing yesterday. but the track was
slow and around the inside quite
slippery, and after quite q crowd
had turned out TO see the NJ. q NJ.
the owners refused to permit their
horses to race. Rather than spoil
the big field. the Driving club Dest
poned the big stake until tony.
According TO the schedule promul
gated yesterday afternoon. tho free
for-all pace, featuring William. d.
rectum. Bogash and Miss Ann Bred-
ford. will take place Saturday.
The track was slow yesterday and
the horses had to keep well to the
middle OF the oval. That being the
case. the time was slow. The rae.
Ing. nevertheless. was splendid be-
cause II WAS tight.
Tom Murphy had quite q prosper
GUS day. He won the 2:22 pace and
the 2:l5 pace In straight heats with
Jean and Peter Fsrren. and grabbed
some second and third money. The
FIRST race came rather handily, but
Bud Elliott. piloted by Geers. gave
him some hot finishing In the 2:i5
event. and Snow and Valentine. driv-
Ing Willie Caffee and Little Direc-
tor. were dangerous at times.
The 2:ll pace went i've heats and
was as fine a fracas as the bugs
could wish. Clara Walker. the IA
vorite. finally won. but Hal Connors.
Geers up. and Murphy's Dustiess
Mckinney. each won heats. and all
were challenging clear to the.en
After Lulu Lumine had won q heat
In the 2:l0 trot. Geers won his drst
race OF the meeting by plotting Guy
Nelia to victory in straight heats.
This was another swell race.
Lee Axworthy continues TO be the
top-heavy favovite In the NJ. q NJ. re-
gardless OF the heavy track In one
representative pool the Andrews
horse brought $1,000. Peter Scott
s375. King lansman 5000. Peter Nc
Cormick $3.50. Worthy Prince 500.
Bennington $40. and the field $50. II
Is expected that more than 100000
will be wagered before the horses
start this afternoon.
The Detroit times. [volume] (Detroit, Mich.) 1903-1920, 1915-07-30
MACK SEEMS STRONG FOR
Dovo FROM DIXIE

Since Connie Mack has reached
Philadelphia, 1t has been possible to
set q line on the. more promising
youngsters whom he may use a. the
nucleus Of his new machine. Among
the youngsters who reached the
Quaker City after Mack returned
from his western trip are Majors.
Fillingim and Bsnkston.
Nabors recently pitched a 13-inn-
Ing no-hit game down In Georgia.
and has several sensational shut.outs
10 his credit for the season. Fiji
Gins chief claim to fame IL 10 con-
secstive victories for Charleston. In
|the South Atlantic league.
Dankston. also from Charleston.
|ls : catcher who aspires to the out
Geld. =, IL wsllie schang and Ivy
WlAeo. Among the other young
Dltohe5s are Knowlaon, Q semi-pro
sfAr from central Pennsylvsnia, and
eooohan. from Peoria. both Of whom
pltoAe1 god ball In Detroit. and
Co.. Iron the University Of Texas.
The Detroit times. [volume] (Detroit, Mich.) 1903-1920, 1915-07-30
JOE SHUGRUE
REGAINS SIGHT

NEW YORK, July 30.--Joe Shus.
rue. lightweight boxer. has recov-
cred his sight and Monday night will
go on the stage. He has made up
his mind that he might as well use
his dramatic talent while he gives
his eyes plenty of time 10 recover
from the operation performed on
them some months ago.
He will start in a show opening at
Waterbury. Conn. next Monday. His
popularity IL expected to make him
a great drawing card. Shugrue was
reported totally blind for a while -
the result OF being struck In both
eyes by a sharp eyelet In shoestrings
used In lacing the gloves he wore.
The Detroit times. [volume] (Detroit, Mich.) 1903-1920, 1915-07-30
America May Change Scoring System In
Golf; Approaching Should Be REWARDED

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