Oxford Democrat. [volume] (Paris, Me.) 1833-1933, 1915-10-05
The Dalryman-A Satire.

II
The old maxim which advised making
an editor out of the boy utterly unfit fol
anything, has been changed; make 9
dairyman out Of him. There are only
few qualifications necessary to become
dairyman, and even these few are be-
ing dispensed with by some dairymen.
| Give the man to understand that any.
body can run dairy, that he will not
have to work hard. All he has to do IL
to sit down and hold the bucket, The
COW does the work. However, the mar
the dairy business. The less he under
stands about COWS and their characteris-
tics the better, as then he will be In q
position to laugh at the queer antics OF
those who do understand them. BE
should even 20 80 far as to use scrubs,
dual purpose, or Hereford cows in bis
herd. This would give him plenty
to argue about and long time to argue
after milking. Hauling the milk would
then be an easy matter.
He should be unclean in both body
and mind. His habits should be slouchy.
He should be able to thrive in filth as
nothing is more filthy than the dairy.
He should have wife who agrees
with all of his sentiments. His children
should grow up in ignorance. He could
also experiment on them with his cows
milk. II they lived and did not develop
tuberculosis all would be we'll.
As to equipment, any old farm, any
old place regardless Of soil, climate,
market, or economic conditions may be
selected. Then, too, the old stable or
COW shed could, with plank floor, be
converted into an excellent COW barn.
Don't consider a silo, "silos are no good
no way"
He will, Of course, have ingenuity
enough to arrange everything so as to
require the most time and walking to
get around and to do the work. This
will give him plenty Of exercise, which
most dairymen lack. he will know COW
cred pals are nuisance, the cows just
can't hit the hole, and he can't carry
clean melon rinds and potato peelings to
the hogs In them. Neither can he feed
the calves in them.
As to recreation, be has either of two
courses open to him: Deny himself all
pleasure (which includes throwing away
his Henry, and stopping his daily paper,
or deny himself nothing. He may visit
whenever he likes, drink as much as he
pleases, etc. If he doesn't get to milk
the cows one night, what is the odds?
They will give that much more In the
The three P's of modern scientific
dairying, Patience, Persistency, and Per
severance, amount to no more to him
than the three RS to Malay Archipela-
go II guess that Is what native is
called)
There is no need to breed closely and
What's the use of a fine bull?
The bull amt what gives the milk no.
how. Change breed, cows, and rations
every once in so often. In making these
changes, If he goes in debt he can al
ways sell part of his herd to pay it.
Also his bump of curiosity should be
we'll developed. He should visit bis
neighbors and the stock yards during a
hoof and mouth epidemic, and then
come back and spread the good news.
This is all he will spread.
But by this time be will have become
tired of the dairy business anyway. He
will have proved conclusively that there
s no money in it. He will heartily agree
with Patrick Henry, who said, "Give me
liberty or give me ten cows to milk" or
words to that effect. When he receives
\ bunch of bulletins from his state agri-
cultural college, he will use them for
patching broken window lights, that is
II he has any windows in his barn.
After retiring from the dairy business,
this man will haul all OF bis accumulated
cow manure and put 1t on hillsides or
iii gullies with it. He will then try to
raise crop Of corn on the hillside. Lat
Or he will tell his neighbors that, "Cow
manure amt worth saving, cause saved
that pile more'n three years out there un-
der the caves of the barn, and then
iidn't make half a crop. ."-Hoard's
Dairyman,