The Alaska citizen., 1915-05-10
Town Gossip and Stories
By The Tattier.

 formed a line across the front of the fingers. said:
 Do you remember when I cut myself there when I grabbed a sharp knife in your hand. when We were children"
 The identification was complete and the rest of the relatives were soon called upon 10 meet the long. ab ent wanderer.
 Hunor There are times when In Court comedy finds its way Court. into the dignified at. mosphere of federal court room, and usually this is the case when there is a hearing for candidates for citizenship. At the naturalization hearing last Monday night considerable amusement was created when prospective citizen declared that the legislature at Jul neau was only trying to make laws. The same man had previously stat ed that the laws for Alaska were made by Delegate Wickersham ! Usually the applicant for naturali- zation has been studying up on American methods of government, but the subject is such big one that seldom man is found who an. wers all questions correctly. At naturalization hearing in Portland at one time, the applicant for citizenship was asked if he be lieyed in polygamy. At first he failed to understand what was the question, and the court asked him if he believed that a man should be allowed to have more than one wife.
 No, no" sad the candidate "One wife is plenty for any man. Some times. one is too much And the court agreed with him.
 The following story is of a man Outside who was given his citizen ship papers, and was told by the judge what citizenship meant:
 NIT. Blank" said the court, as he handed the man his papers, you are now citizen of the United States, and you are eligible to hold any office within the gift of the people with the exception of being President. Only native citizen cf the United States can become President"
 When the new citizen. who was a farmer left the court room, friend jokingly said to him:
 Its too bad, isn't it? You can never be President of the United states
 The new citizen looked worried, and was thoughtful for minute before replying Then he said
 "Oh well, I don't think 1 would care to monkey with the job, any how"
 Old Few people would ever Case look upon City Attorney Revived. Tom Marquam as a
 pugilist, and it is prob able that local people would have forgotten all about his having been fined in the municipal court away back in 1911, had it not been that tae case was appealed to the dis trict court and never came up for a hearing until last Tuesday. But. like an old egg, the case seemed to have lost it's flavor, and was cast aside when it was found that the complaining witness was no longer in the country.
 When the case was presented in court, MT. MarGuam made clean statement of the whole affair He acknowledged that he had struck a man at hearing before a referee that he had hit him as hard as he could, but Justified his action by explaining that it was prompted by the other fellow, who called him a liar.
 Having relieved himself of his confession and having been allowed to go his way unmolested, it is understood that MT Marquam will perhaps, somebody wants to test time.
 They The varied uses to which Saw The one word may be put Calves. has been the cause of
 misunderstanding since time immemorial Coming down to modern times, in fact to only a few days ago, right here in Fair banks the double meaning of a word was the cause of misunderstood lug ludl gave certain lduy con siderable ahnoyance.
 The lady in question was going to make a call, and the wind was blowing. She is young and good looking, and her skirts were a little tight, so that sometimes her shapely ankles were visible from behind She realized this and she wished the wind would stop blowing, for il increased the tendency of her gown to come above her ankles.
 Two or three men turned from a side-street on to the sidewalk just behind her, and were so close that she could hear them talking Sud denly one of them said in a loud voice:
 Look at those two calves. Ain't they cute?"
 Her dainty nose tilted high into the air, and she increased the rapid ity of her walk, but just then she met lady who said to her:
 Say, just look at those two inno- cent little calves. l wonder how they happen to be running at large"
 The first lady turned to see the calves, and then a bright light broke upon her. She was no longer indig- nant, and she told the joke to her friends.
 Creek Creek people are enjoy I~~