Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1915-04-08
HEARD ON THE STREET


HEARD ON THE STREET
II grass is green, what is Grass
widow?
AS an opener in the cleanup move
ment any old rake will improve the
scenery.
Since the segregation lat least one
man has found ii advantageous to
move his Office from the district.
So many safe guards are being
planned for the coming year that
beer parties will probably be few and
far between.
One of our clever bachelors can
auto along the seaside of matrimony
without being tempted to embark on
the pillows.
There're so darned many things a
fellow mustn't do If he wants to win
success, that success hardly seems
worth while.
1t all happened in lumber shed
the other night. The girls didn't
tarry long when they discovered an
Eye Key" in the wood pile.
Audubon has a deacon who spent
Is minutes theorizing over starving
Belgium and then put in the rest of
tho NIGHT faadipo tho kittv
Going into the post Office the other
day we heard this remark: IF it
was only as easy for men to grow
hair as it is for women to buy 1t,
what happy world this would be
for bald heads"
II Audubon has man who is like a
baby, he can think of only one thing
at a time. bangle a sugar-coated
4 compliment before him and he'll for
get the pin of reproof you are stick
ing in his back
Mondays prize fight was one too
many for one of the Audubon good
fellows" He went to sleep before
the niger did and failed to come out
h of it anywhere near as soon as the
defeated black smoke.
That Guthrie Center lemon who
made Audubon his headquarters fol-
a while need have no fears IL he re.
\ turns. She says she knew all of the
\ time that he was going under an as.
II sumed name and that he was mar.
h ried.
II Some men are afraid of spooks and
at times become frightened at their
: own shadow. They tell story about
: one of our men becoming frightened
! at seeing his shadow in the water
, The only safe plan would be to stay
away from all puddles and ponds.
keep off the Grass" now warns
PEDESTRIANS that the court house
lawn was not designed as a sidewalk.
Those who have been using our
court house lawn for other purposes
than for which it was intended will
have to keep a sharp look out for
"Peeping Tony"
"Curley," said a friend to a lit
tie urchin the other day, when you
divided those seven pieces of candy
gave you, with your brother, did
you give him four NO" replied
Curley, "You see, knew they would
MT come out even, so ate one piece
before l began to divide"
A few days ago Jack Johnson an
nounced that he was going to whip
Willard first and then return to the
United States to take his medicine
in the courts. Having failed in the
first part of his program he now an
nounces that he will return to Paris.
This makes very satisfactory out
come to the people of this country
all round
An Audubon barber has come to
the conclusion that while a potato
may contain starch, it does not con-
tain the qualities usually found in
Williams soap. After pouring a
lot of soft water onto a slice of po-
tato that had been placed in the shaw
ing mug, the lather failed to show
lup. He couldn't figure out the troub-
lie until he went over the customer
for the second time when he was in
formed that 1t was April fools day.
What the customer did to Pat is bet
ter explained by himself.
A movement is on foot to estab-
lish an inspector at the Carroll-Aud-
ubon county line whose specific duty
will be to inspect all automobiles en-
ltering Audubon county. II is plan
ned to have man stationed at each
of the main thoroufares armed with
the proper instruments of his office.
II may be possible that some of the
by-roads will be used and in that
way defeat the plans of the new ex-
pertinent. Some are of the opinion
that this step would not be legal as it
does not come under interstate bust
ness.
One of our city pastors asked a
member of his flock to fill his place in
a manly undertaking. The rules were
mo smoking allowed" On second
thought, the pastor called off the en-
gaPpmaut and the DastOr said he