davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The fool-killer., 1915-07-01
TIE PROPHET OF PEACE.


And so it seems that our friend,
Billyum Bryan, is getting it hot
and heavy from all sides, especial
ly from the war jingoes. They
have cussed him black and blue
and every other color you could
mention. Because he was man
Of peace, and because he was will
ing to sacrifice his high office rath-
er than his PRINCIPLES, he has be-
come the object Of unreasoning
scorn and hate.
The Fool-Killer has never had
too much confidence in Bryan's
ability or his sincerity Of pur-
pose. He has always seemed to
me like a man posing for his pic
ture and fishing for popularity.
But recent events have made it,
look little more like he actually
meant it.
The question is-does he mean
it? Or is he still fishing for favorsf
This is the question. Some Of
his recent utterances sound so
overly good that [ can't help be-
ing rather suspicious. It recalls
to my mind so wildly some of the
"reform slobber' that dripped
from Toothado eSpecksvelt SINUS
tache in 1912. And before the real
friends Of peace decide to follow
this secondhand Moses, it would
be well to remember the. fate Of
those who wandered off after the
Bull Moose.
Just stand aside, now, and wait
for the new Bryan party to come
along and N'save the country.
just like all the other parties are
in the habit Of doing. Dog my
cats if this country ain t saved"
the most and still stays in the
wussest fix that ever seen. Ain It
that so, Hammer?
The fool-killer., 1915-07-01
GRAPE JUICE BILL.

There do be some folks what seem
to have an idea that it's a great
crime for Bryan to love grape
juice. But it ain t. I'll swear it
amt If Bryan never hadn't done
nothin' wusser than to love grape
juice, I'll bet Saint Peter wouldn t
ak him no hard questions, ner hem
and haw about lettin' him in.
Yes, sir, mister ladies and hon
orable men folks, there do be a
heap wusser things than drinkin
the pure, sweet blood of luscious
grape. [ expect you and me have
committed bigger crimes most
every day Of our lives and never
even blushed behind the ears. [
sometimes blow in nickle on
grape-iuice myself, and I amt
nary bit ashamed of it, nuther.
This-here third-class country of
ourn would be a blamed sight bet
ter off if her political tin gods
would drink more grape-juice and
less corn likker.
Some Of the nincompoops are
very glib about referring to
Bryan s" grape-juice diplomacy,
as if that were a term Of great
reproach. But it ain t. I'll swear
it amt. If I had any diploming
to do, hanged if I hadn't rather
risk it in the hands of a
grape-juice drinker than in the
hands Of red ikker guzzler like
most Of our cheap-skate poll
ticians. The fact that Billum don t
muddle his brains with anything
stronger than pure, unfermented
grape-juice is at least one point
in his, favor.
The. Fool-Killer aims to be
perfectly fair and impartial with
Bllyum. This sermon is devoted
to some Of his good qualities, but
| have taken off some pretty big
pieces of his hide elsewhere in this
paper. Read ON to the end and
then go back and read the whole
smear again. Call in your
neighbors and read it to them.
Then tell 'em to shell their dimes
and you fire in a big club.
The fool-killer., 1915-07-01

and takes a little more for himself
that's all he does. If he does
anything more than that-if he
really advises and oversees and
plansfo more efficiency and econ
omy, and thereby builds the bus
mess bigger-do you notice any
Of the benefits coming your way?
If so, when and how? Can you
tell me that?
Don't you know that a govern
ment is capable Of running any
and all industries? Do you know
that a government that is a true
democracy is run by all the peo-
ple-not a few robbers and aris-
tocrats, but all the people-you
and me and all the rest? And II
we had a truly democratic form
Of government in this country,
then it would belong to us,
wouldn't it? That is, we would
be the government. And if our
government, had control Of our
big industries, such as mines and
railroads and sugar refneries
and packing houses, etc., then
these same industries would be-
long to us, wouldn It they?
. But Uncle Sam couldn't run
anything like that, you say, Why
not? How in blazes did Uncle
Sam dig the Panama Canal after
Capitalists had made failure Of
it? How do we operate the
Postofice Department? How &c
we maintain an army and navy ?
How do we run our public schools
and keep up our public highways
and streets and parks? Are there
not hundreds Of thousands Of men
employed in these big industries
and projects? Who pays Them :
Uncle Sam? That's us. We run
these things, and capitalists has
nothing to do with it. Why not
run the whole shebang and be
done with it? Couldn t you work
sor all Of us just as easy as for a
few? How many Of OUR employ
es go on strikes for better con-
ditions? Is capitalism a necessity
here?
All we need. is men with brain
and muscle and a medium Of ex-
change or some method of trade
to do business on. Your capitalist
never supplied any of these
things. You supplied them all.
And so instead of asking silly
.quetion as to how you could get
along without the capitalist, yen
had better begin to ask yourself
how you ever managed to get
along so far with him.
The fool-killer., 1915-07-01

Now just suppose that Rocky
-. Johnniefeler and Jassack
Puke Morgan and all the Swabs
and Hurrimans and Vanderstilts
and Ghouls, and all their sons,
heirs, creditors, assigns, and all
other prominent capitalistic cuss-
es in the Excited States say,
suppose they should all get the
right idea in their noodles and all
die off with the delirious belly
akus, what do you think would
become of us common plugs, any
way?
OF course they'd take all their
old capital right along with them,
land we'd be out of money and
out Of job as usual. And of
course the earth would stop pro-
ducing Oil and Iron and Coal and
Gold and Silver and Greenback
and Corn and Wheat and Cotton
and Terbacker and Soup Beans
and Salt Pork and Socialist Pa
pers.
Now wouldn' t we be in dick
ems of fix about then? The
railroads would all grow up in
sand-burrs because Morgan and
Jim Hill and the Harrimans, etc.,
were not here to pull them out by
the roots.
The coal mines would become
the lair Of scorpions and rattle
snakes and skunks. because the
members Of the. coal trust were
not around to dig up any coal.
The sugar beets would all go to
,iseed, and hogs and bulls and
billygoats and cats and dogs and
decrepit mules would roam the
open range unmolested for want
of the sugar trust and the meat
trust to look after them.
And all other industries would
suffer similar paralytic strokes,
because none Of us would be
smart enough to take hold OF
things. Is that it?
O Lord, how much longer must
we suffer such ignorance to exist
and flourish in this fair land OF
ours IT mean theirs), in this land
ovel.howing with condensed milk
and imitation honey? -
How long must progress De
hampered by few ignoramouses
who persist in being hogs. 10
study the industrial situation
among the Ants. How many
capitalists do you see there? Are
they not wise. and prosperous
and happy community Of Law;
ab;6ing citizense Do you find
any amongst them that are ldlers
or that are not doing something
useful for a living?
Oh, you big two-legged BOOB
do YOU think your so-called SUI
perior intelligence equals that OF
the inferior creatures?
Who runs our industries? The
capitalistsg Oh, no! Not by a
iup full. You run them. Then
what does he do? Nothing
Simply hires you to do the work
and allows you a very small pei
cent Of what you earn. F1ggers
up his dividends and plans and
schemes and gives you a little less
The fool-killer., 1915-07-01

There is talk Of an embargo on
arms to Mexico. Now if it is
wrong to sell war supplies to
Mexico, why in the thunder amt
it just as wrong to sell 'em to
Europe? Can anybody answerf !,
The fool-killer., 1915-07-01

It seems that the intelligence Of
the average voter is a good deal
below the average.
The fool-killer., 1915-07-01

Huerta is probably convinced
that there is ali embargo on Mex
lean ex-presidaats.
The fool-killer., 1915-07-01

"We want peace, out We want
to fight for it, says the war jim
gees.
The fool-killer., 1915-07-01

Jane Addams has just hove. Ii
from Europe, and she thinks they
are all about ready to consider
peace terms. Jane must to have
heard that from some baby over
there.
The fool-killer., 1915-07-01

II Germany and America can't
find any ground to agree on, they
can probably find water to fight
on.
The fool-killer., 1915-07-01
REDUCED CLUB RATES
IN CLUBS OF FIVE OR MORE, TEN CENTS YEAR


payable
MORAVIAN n. C.
The fool-killer., 1915-07-01

A New York laundry advertises
this way: 'fDon't kill your wife.
Let our laundry do the work. -
Why hadn't a man just as well
kill his wife as to hire a laundry
to kill her?
The fool-killer., 1915-07-01
CAPITALISM A NECEs
SITY?
PART TWO.

Written for The Fool-Killer by E
J. Wilson.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1915-03-08

The tomato was given To the world by
America but Italy is today teaching the
rest of the world by example how II
should he raised and how ii should be
preserved. italian canned tomatoes have
practically pushed the American product
out Of the English market. and have
gained an enormous market in the
United states. The Italians raise solid
meaty tomato of fine color and it Is so
packed in the cans that the consumer Is
not obliged to pay for large percentage
Of water.
Canned tomatoes however. are put up
principally for the export trade. Inc
Italians themselves prefer their tomatoes
in the form of sauce. or paste, which Is
nothing more or less than boiled down
tomato pulp, minus the skins and seeds,
as set forth in an interesting manner in
a report by Commercial Agent J. Alexis
Shriver. entitled. Canned Tomato In
dustry in Italy" recently issued by the
bureau of foreign and domestic COM
merce. This sauce is put up in cans and
is used ny the italians in great variety
of dishes. of which spaghetti is perhaps
the most familiar TO Americans.
According to fairly accurate statistics
tine area planted in tomatoes in Italy IS
about roo acres, producing about 3so, 900
tons. The exports 10 the United states
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1915-03-08
AS BEAUTY, BAR MAID,
SERVANT, OR TEACHER
SERVES WOMAN SPY
Germany Relies Much on Women 5
Shrewdness Both in War
and Peace

Germany is said to rely very largely on
its women spies. both in times of war
and peace. They adopt all sorts Of roles.
| There is the professional beauty. who
uses her charms and powers OF fascina-
ton to worm secrets from foreign adj
mirers. The domestic servant. the SEEM
ingly innocent prOprietress OF a small
cafe, sweet shop or millinery establish
ment. the barmaid. the governess. the
teacher-all are engaged whenever pos
sible in Germany's secret service and
are paid according to the information
they are able to gather
Some of these women. the prettiest and
most fascinating are furnished with the
means of setting up luxurious establish
ments in the principal cities of Europe.
and spreading the net for indiscreet at
taChes and military and naval officers.
Il believe You were trapped by a woman
who Is the agent OF some foreign country.
Because I believe that i am going to
show some sort Of leniency for you. but
1t cannot be much-the crime Is too
great"
1t was after making these trenchant 70
marks that Mr. Justice Darling some time
ago sentenced a gunner in the British
navy to four years penal servitude for
communicating naval secrets TO a foreign
power, the case providing a striking illus
tration of how women employed as spies
go to work to secure naval and military
secrets.
This gunner made the acquaintance OF
a woman at a music hall. and immediate
" became one of her most ardent ad-
mirers. So much so. in fact, that he
forgot his duty and complied with her
wishes when she asked him to provide
her with information regarding secrets
Of the navy.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1915-03-08
HOUSE,
WIVES
DAILY
ECONOMY.
CALENDAR
TT ~ n
The Kind of Pictures to Frame

| There is no doubt about the fact that
J there is more taste in the matter of pic
! lures today in this country than there
4 was ten years ago. To be sure, many
! houses are still filled with pictures calcu-
lated to bring distress to the artisticallY
I fastidiOus. But more and more. with the
| better understanding of interior decorat-
! ing that prevails, there is a better under
! standing of the difference between suit
able and an unsuitable picture.
Price is no criterion of a pictures
worth. young woman with a true eye
for the appropriate In the matter of
house furnishing bought three or four
little Japanese prints, about twice as big
as a post card. and had them framed.
They cost 10 cents each. and the frames
cost 90 cents each-flat, narrow. dull
frames. put on without a mat. But the
result was excellent. Cheap as the prints
were. they are decidedly decorative, they
have good color. and they were we'll
worth the rather expensive framing.
The same young woman noticed, as
cover to a popular magazine. a charming
print Of one Of Holbein's pictures. The
coloring was really beautiful. She tore
of the cover. and had the picture framed
in a dull gold frame-an imitation of the
FURNISHED gold that Is much less expen-
sweat a cost of 30 or 50 cents. And so
she added TO her store anOther picture
that would grace the walls OF any room.
The young woman in question is Sue
cessful in her choice Of pictures because
she understands that the pictures that
are hung on the walls OF a room must be
selected primarily with a view to their
decorative value. No matter how beauti-
full In itself a picture may be. II must
harmonic with its surroundings If it is
to give the best effect. This. of course,
applies to pictures in tAe family living
rooms. In a picture gallery the pictures
are considered for their own sakes en-
tirely. But to be in place in the different
rooms Of the ordinary house they must
be In keeping with their surroundings.
A Iving-room done in brown and green.
with. perhaps, a tan-covered wall. should
have sepia prints framed in brown wood
Ell frames for the most part, with a few
colored prints framed in duh gold. Black
framed black prints perhaps look best
on a green wall. In a room in which
blue predominates gold-framed colored
prints and Japanese colored prints
framed IN gray or black are good. In a
rose and white bedroom colored French
pripts-of Vatican. Greuze. and F'rago-
nard-or colored English prints of Gains
borough. Lawrence. or Romney. in gold
frames. are pretty. In boys room COL
ored hunting prints framed in black and
hung on a red wall are appropriate
(CcylSht, l9l5)
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1915-03-08
Balance of Interests Is a
Problem for Every Woman
DR.. Cora Smith King Advises
Women to Concentrate
Their Interests in a Few
Good Works.

To sit talking to DIR. Cora Smith King
, in her office. replete with all manner OF
surgical devices and contraptions. whose
uses are a mystery to the layman, to
remember the prominent part that she
has taken in suffrage work in this city
and elsewhere and to know of the zeai
with which she attends to her profess
sional duties. inevitably leadS one to ask
this question:
How can n professional woman at
tend to her work and at the same time
devote her time to the cause in which
she is interested" And this was the
question that representative of the
Womans Herald put to DR.. King a day
or ago.
1T is a hard question" said DIR. King.
obviously much interested in the subject
spend a good deal of thought in answer
ing for herself.
IF a woman is happy and successful
in her work-whatever 1t may be-the
question Immediately comes up: How
much time ought she spend for the
community to whom she owes this hap
piness and success? How great can her
work for these community interests be
without interfering with her profession?
1T is my firm belief that this obliga-
ton of ours ought not to be overlooked.
We cannot turn our backs on this duty.
and bury ourselves in our work We
must do more than this.
TO every woman the = are perhaps
twenty interests or causes which make
a strong arI'eal. But t. attempt to re-
spond to all these appeals would be
foolish. BY a process of elimination
these interests can be boiled down to
four or five, and then of these four or
five interests you ought to select one or
two that you will assist merely with
money contributions. others that you will
aid by attending meetings and one-only
one-that you will take up heart and soul.
That one interest. chosen from the rest
is your religion. is. next to your pro-
fession, the object TO which you owe your
best work and your best thoughts.
ITO some women this one interest -
her church. to others IT IS charity. to
others it is a reform movement, such as
suffrage workout in my case it is really
4 religion. For my own part there are
many things should like to do. In Wash
ington one has appeals every day. There
is so much worth while in art in science.
in reform, and in society here that the
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1915-03-08
THEY ARE Spelling
TOMMY ATKINS WITH
TOO MANY LUXURIES
And Kind-hearted Londoners Can't
Find Enough Wounded Soldiers
to Go Around.

The matron of one of the English mill
tary hospitals says that one OF the chief
difficulties she has to deal with now Is
the disposition of the piles of gifts which
are received daily at the hospital.
We can fit out every man who comes
in with warm Undertaking" she said
''and We have a lot to spare. and the
men simply can't smoke the cigarettes
and tobacco that are brought and sent
here for them. The only complaint is
that much Of it is too good. Dozens of
times men have told me that they really
preferred woOdbines to the fine cigar
cites that are sent for them" Wood
bines, 1t may be remarked parentheti-
cally. are the cheapest cigarettes sold IN
Great Britain. The price is five for
cents. and they are the popular smoke
of the British army
One of the favorite methods of enter
tanning wounded soldiers in London is
taking them out for motor rides. Every
one who is any one in London and who
owns motor car makes ii a point to
take out a party of soldiers at least once
or twice a week. and so great Is the
competition that there are not wounded
Soldiers enough TO go round. Long lines
OF waiting motor cars can be seen at
the doors of most of the hospitals every
day. and the men are becoming expert
in discussing the virtues and defects OF
various makes Of cars.
Theater parties are also regular thing
now among the convalescents. Most of
the London theaters have placed one or
more boxes at the service of the various
military hospitals. and the men are sent
in turn. Their motor cars call for them
at the hospital and take them back
again after the play. 1t was found neces-
sary at first TO threaten to deprive some
OF the car owners of the privilege OF
taking wounded soldiers for rides be-
cause they treated the guests too we'll
Some of the men came back with in
creased temperatures. and IL was dis
covered that their hosts had been treat
ing them to food and drink. Now, no
one is allowed to take n soldier out Of
hospital without giving a guarantee
that he will give him nothing but to-
baCco.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1915-03-08
KYNZN1
EW%MAN|
. AER
1 BIRTHDAY
AND NOIRS !
March 8-Louisa Hubbard, Catharine
Lorillard Wolfe.

Two splendid examples of the wom-
an whose life is devoted to the serv-
ice of others are to be found on the
birthday calendar for March S. These
are Louisa Hubbard. who did more for
the English middle-class working
woman than any one else, and Cathe-
rine Lorillard Wolfe, patron of arts
and of charities In this country.
Louisa Maria Hubbard was born
March s. 1896, in Petersburgh. the
daughter of an English merchant, and
in her childhood she returned to Eng
land. where she made her lifelong
home. Her earliest ambition seems to
have been to improve the condition
or working women-especially women
of the upper classes who had had an
especially difficult time in England to
find any sort o: work. In 1854. when
Miss Hubbard started her work there
were only five possible vacations To-
women. In 1898. eight years before
her death. there were over 1000, and
il was partly through her work that
this remarkable change took place.
II was Miss Hubbard who first sug-
gested that women take up typeing as
vocation. Ii is such an obvious fact
now that typeinr is a suitable work for
women that it seems hard to believe that
Miss Hubbard should have met with OPP
pOSltlOn IN tIlls SuCStStlOn. Out SuCn
seems to have been the case. Another
vocation that she recommended to women
was massaging. and still another agri-
culture. She spent her rnOney and her
time freely in her work and brought to
bear a personality in which remarkable
business ability, a deep religious feel
ing and the greatest cultivation were
mingled. She herself was an enthusiastic
horsewoman. She was intensely fond of
gardening and gained no small distinc-
tion as landscape painter.
Catherine LoriIlard Wolfe was born
in New York March S. 1S2s. Throughout
her life she was associated with her
father in his good work and at his death
in 1872 she inherited his entire fortune.
Her donations to the American Museum
Of Natural History and the Metropolitan
Museum of Art were especially notable.
Besides her donation of priceless paint
ings to the latter museum she gave an
fund of s2OO,O6o. 1t is prob
ably in the unpublished works of char
ity that she did. in her aid to young
and girls in need. in her private
for the relief of the poor
and afflicted, however. for which Miss
Lorillard was most remarkable.
Copyright. lel5.)
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1915-03-08
AIDS SUFFRAGE
BYNOT Voting
New York Congressman
Neutrality Means Victory
for Mondell Resolution.
MRS. FUNK TELLS STORY
Official of National Association Sur
veys Work During Three
Months Session.

The official report of the work of the
Congressional committee of the National
American Woman Suffrage Association
during the three months Confessional
session has just been sent out by Mrs.
Antoinette Funk, executive vice chair
man OF the committee.
A brief survey Of the report shows
a great amount OF ground covered nv
the committee. with it's members work.
ing. Mrs Funk says. lat top speed
every working day of the week and
sometimes well into night" The COM
mittee employs two secretaries. while
four resident members have given their
whole time to the work. each being re-
sponsble for some portion of IL. such
as the lobby. organization, or publicity.
In connection with the lobby on the
Mondell resolution. Mrs. Funk tells the
following story of the favorable action
on the amendment by the Rules Com
mittee after II had for months resisted
the pressure brought to bear upon IL
She says:
GO1dfOGle rs n Neutral
I'VE felt We had occasion for self
Generalization when the Rules Com
mittee reported out our amendment
Hitherto Representative Goldfogle, Of
New York, an anti-suffragist, had stood
firmly against us. but last summer Mr.
GoldfoEle promised a member Of this
Committee that he would at least not
defeat the resolution by his vote When
the vote was taken he refrained from
voting. and the measure was reported
out. In this instance his negative sup
port was as effective as a vote in our
favor would have been
The compaign among the members Of
Congress for the Mondell amendment.
and after its defeat for the Shafroth.
has only been part of the work OF the
committee. A record has been kept of
all official action in Congress upon sub
Jects kindred to suffrage, prohibition.
child labor convict labor etc, and a
analysis of the vote upon such
measures made These investigations
have been reported to State organiza-
tons. enabling them to deal directly
with their Congressman. The CORE
spondence wac especially lively after
seventy-two States rights Congressrnen
voted for Federal amendment for pro-
hibition. No less than 1.50H pieces OF mail
were sent out from the committee Office
while the suffrage amendment was be-
fore the House.