The Southern herald., 1915-09-03

comes in the kitchen the coalscuttle
screams with fright.
I'VE had one last week who an.
swered roll call when you yelled Phyl-
lis.
Isn't that a peach of a handle for
a kitchen queen with a map like
the Borough of Bronx on a dark night?
She came here we'll recommended
by herself. She said she knew how
to cook backward.
I'VE believed her after the first
meal, because that's how she cooked.
When Phyllis found there was no
shredded oats in the house for break
fast she changed the cover Of the
washtub into sawdust and sprinkled 1t
with the whisk broom, chopped fine.
1T wasn't half bad breakfast food
Of the homemade kind, but every time
l took drink of water the sawdust
used to float UP in my throat and
tickle me.
THE first and only day she was
with us Phyllis squandered two dol
lars worth Of eggs to make lemon
meringue potpie.
"She tried to be artistic with this,
but one Of the eggs was old and ner.
vous and 1t slipped.
Uncle Peter asked Phyllis II she
could cook some Hungarian goulash,
and Phyllis screamed: No. my par.
ents have been Swedes all their lives!'
Then she ran him across the lawn
with the carving knife.
Aunt Martha went in the kitchen
to ask what was for dinner, and Phyl-
lis got back at her: I'm a woman, it
is true, but will show you that
can keep a secret!"
when the meal came on the table
we were compelled to keep the secret
with her.
"On the second day 1t suddenly oc.
CURED to Phyllis that she was work.
ing, so she handed in her resignation,
handed Hank, the gardener, a jolt in
his cafe department, handed out lot
of unnecessary talk, and left us fiat
"The next rebate we got in the
kitchen was a colored man named
James Buchanan Pendergrast.
James was all there is and carry
four. He was one Of the most care
full cooks that ever made faces at
roast beef.
"The evening he arrived we intend
ed to have shad roe for dinner, and
James informed US that that was
where he lived.
Eight o'clock came, and no dinner
Then Aunt Martha went in the kitch-
en- to convince him that we were hui
man beings with appetites.
She found Careful James counting
the roe to see II the fish dealer had
sent the right number.
He was up to 2,196,49S, and still
had half pound to go.
James left that night, followed by
shouts Of approval from all present.
I'm telling you all this, Hep, Just
to prove that fate is kind while it
delays your wedding until some genius
invents an automatic cook made Of
aluminium and electricity"
Hep laughed and shook his head.
"Thls servant problem won't de-
lay my wedding" he chortled; IF
there wasn't a cook left in the world
we wouldn't care; we're going to be
vegetarians because we're going to
live in the Garden of Eden"
"Tush!" I snickered.
"Tush, YOURSELF" said Hep.
"oh, tush, both of you" said
Peaches. John said that very thing
to me three weeks before we were
married"
Sure 1 did," went back, "and
we're still in the Garden, aren't we?
OF course If you want to sublet part
of it and have Hep and his bride
roaming moonstruck through your
strawberry beds, that's up to you'll"
WELL" said friend wife, being
alone in the Garden of Eden is all
right, but after you've been there
three or four years there's mild ex-
citement in hearing a strange voice,
even II it is tliat of a serpent" :.
Close the door, Della. feel ,tTslS