davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Ely miner., 1915-04-30

to inquire IL we were having a good
time.
Great" I ananniaSed; but, say.
Hep! you've been getting some new
statuary, haven't you? What's that
over in the corner there, with the
bright lights around it-A Venus de
Milo with the arms restored?"
Let go!" Hep snickered. That's
Claribel Swift of the Frivolity The.
ater."
"Oh!" said; whats the matter
did the dressmaker disappoint herr"
why, no." Hep assured me; she's
wearing the latest in French crea-
tions-the cobweb gown"
We'll, why not get the poor girl
screen; she'll catch cold" l sug.
gested just as Lord Rumbo of Merry
England hawhawed his way over to
us. whereupon Hep whispered some.
thing to me about being kind to the
nobility and moseyed away
Ripping, isn't it?" said His Lord.
ship.
(which one?" queried; that makes
seven I've counted in half an hour"
What are you referring to, l mean
to say?" monocled the son of a Belted
Earl
"The skirts" l answered; they've
been ripping ever since the music
started. Some of these ginks do the
Turkey trot like hungry man going
up an apple tree for midday meal"
Quite So" picadillied the last OF
his race; "but was referring to the
affair-the party! Ripping! I didn't
The Ely miner., 1915-04-30

was forever knocking holes in the
fences or losing perfectly good balls
by knocking them over the fences.
The Milwaukee team was finally
moved to Fond du Lac, which is on the
shore of lake. Here Hap got into
trouble with the game warden because
he would knock the ball over into the
lake and kill the ducks, so the story
goes
From then his rise was rapid, al
though the Milwaukee management
switched him to the outfield Felch
has his batting slumps. but when
hitting he is recognized as one of the
most dangerous men in the game.
The Ely miner., 1915-04-30

| answered. "She's doing the Arma-
dillO Bendback,"
Just then Hep came up and asked
Peaches If she wouldn't glide out and
dodge the furniture with him, where
upon the Queen of my Bungalow shud-
dered from hairpins to shoe buckles,
murmured, Il don't know how" and
hid her head in my shoulder.
"I'll fix that" squeaked Hep, and
two minutes later we were confronted
by thick-set individual who talked in
chunks.
His name was Manuel Hochenstein
and he had map on him like a cross
section of the McAdoo tunnel.
why don't you get out and hit the
hurdles with the hoppers?" he in
quired.
MY wife wasn't brought up in a cir.
GUS" went back at him; "and I'm a
shine acrobat"
"Aw, say. it's cinch, this bunk
Turkey Trotting." Mr.. Hochenstein
informed us. "Why, in ten minutes
l can learn anybody that isn't a war
veteran with two wooden legs. | got a
Studio where l learn everybody-ten
dollars lesson. Why, I've learned
some of the swellest Society danes in
this burg. You know l used to be a
bookmaker, but there's more money in
this game. It's ten to one shot and
I bring the bacon every time the flag
drops. It's a pipe-I can learn any.
body. l learned Hep Hardy, didn't
I?-and his feet are like a couple of
nervous ferry-boats.
"All the Turkey Trot needs is two
arms, two legs and sunny disposi.
ton.
Here's my card-anything you like
I'll learn you-the tango, the dip. the
trot, the glide, the lope, the squat, the
squirm. the slide, the spiral, the fore
and aft, and the side-wheel. Say! if
your wife will come out on the fire.
escape where it's quiet I'll learn her
the Texas Spider in eight minutes by
a storwatch-get me?'
II get you," l said, "but l don't
| need YOU"
Then we permitted Manuel to fade
abruptly out of our lives while
Peaches gurgled, why should aus
sane person want to learn those aw.
| full dances!"
True for you, little bright-lamps, -
l chortled; "but they tell me there's
a wiggly bit of germ that gets in the
blood and then your temperature rises
and you break out In Bunny Hug"
"Nonsense!" she shifted and left
me fat just as Hep hustled up again
The Ely miner., 1915-04-30
SEEING LIFE W1M
fY4N, JOHN HENRY
EShW hW GeO1geVHob
keK K.W4Hfl John Henry on Turkey Trotting
ElGA-AIr----J
John Henry on Turkey Trotting
h,, 1915 by the Mcclure Newspaper syndicate3

sic box was intensely ludicrous. Now
that my laughter has subsided would
you mind doing it over again that
may study the situation from psyche
logical point of view!"
What are you going to do with a
fried smelt like that?
wanted to coax him into one of the
bath rooms and turn the shower on
him, but Peaches begged me not to
dampen his youthful ardor, so told
him what particular ingredient of a
cheese sandwich he resembled and
passed him up.
George Is fearfully erudite. With
his thumb and forefnger he picks big
words out of his bulging forehead and
assemblies them into neat little para
graphs These he carries on tray
to magazine where kind-hearted men
pay him money and beg him not to
come back until he has spent it all
George was getting along very nice
ly until one day somebody told him ne
was clever--then he fell apart.
Now he makes up his pieces in front
of a mirror and when he thinks OF
something devilishly cute he and his
reflection exchange loving glances
Then he pins a medal on his breast
and quits work for the day.
Somebody should take off Georges
watch and slap his wrist real hard.
In the meantime the war dance oi
| the Manhattan Indians went bravely
on. 1t was catch-as-catch-can all over
| the place.
They swayed and toddled and
wobbled and bobbled, each and all OF
them trying hard to conceal the fact
that they were human beings.
They danced the Lame Duck ant
| Simpering Cinnamon Bear; the Lin
gering Drag and the Jack Rabbit
Jump; the Boston Antelope, and the
Philadelphia Scramble. Every once il
a while they'd stop, take long breath
and then off again into the Buzzar(
Bend and Walrus Wiggle.
Each individual tried to act as {
special agent for the Zoo?
"How do you like it?" l asked
Peaches.
It's awful" she gasped Look a
that girl over there. Why does she
try to act like a penknife?"
Come out of the hardware store,
The Ely miner., 1915-04-30
"cLEAN UP AND PAINT UP"

(By Sidney Warren Mase.D
God gave the rose its crimson hue.
And made the lily white;
He made the violet of blue,
And all things fair and bright:
The rainbow with its varied tints
He painted in the sky.
And Man by sundry schemes and
hints
Has profited thereby.
The vernal glow of leaves and grass
And ruddy gleam of flowers
That in the springtime come to pass
In this bright world of ours.
Are tokens of the master plan
OF One who rules on high,
And bear message unto Man
To build and beautify.
And so the moral of this verse,
We feel is very plain:
This earth though burdened with a
curse,
Was founded not in vain:
Which is the simple reason why
Men live and strive and win.
Who build ard paint and beautify
The world they're living in.
The Ely miner., 1915-04-30
CLARK'S GREAT IDEA
How the Clean Up and Paint Up
Movement Started.
ST. Louis Editor Originated Campaign
for Cleanliness, Thrift and Civic
Pride That Spread Over the
Entire Country.

Some three years ago Allen w.
Clark, ST. Louis editor. started all
by himself movement that since
then has spread all over this broad
land and that has resulted In incalcu-
liable good. Mr. Clark realized that
though house cleaning time was sup
posed by the jokesmiths to be the
bane of all men, yet there was not a
decent citizen of the United States
who was not glad to have his own
premises and those of his neighbors
put In applepie order at least once
year. Especially welcome to them was
the idea that their respective towns or
cities should be made decent and pre-
sentablc.
In many communities there had
been annual cleanup" weeks or days,
and to Mr.. Clark came .the Thought
that all that scattered effort should be
organized into constructive form and
so directed that 1t should have more
uniform and effective results. He
knew he could enlist the women In
such a plan, and he thought the men
also might be induced to take it up.
So in June, 1912, Editor Clark made
the announcement that a national
"Clean Up and Paint Up" campaign
would start the next spring. Then he
set about getting influential aid in
making good on that announcement
He wrote to number of men and
women prominent nationally in public
welfare organizations to ask for their
Endorsement of the scheme and their
advice in carrying it forward. The re
sponses were most encouraging, the
following, from Edward T. Hartman
secretary of the Massachusetts, Civic
league, being typical of them ALL
l am greatly interested in the idea sug
eested in your expression that this clean
up and paint up campaign is to bt
pushed by two arguments. viz, that It's
Good Citizenship and Good Business" fol
! believe that this states the only SUD
stantial basis upon which we may prop
erly develop either citizenship or busi
ness The business which aims to accom-
plish its purpose by ignoring and even de
Stroying good citizenship is short lived
and is fatal not only TO itself. but to the
community in general. You are in a pc
ruliarly advantageous position to aid II
conservation and improvement, for pain
Is a direct means to the conservation oi
houses. also of the forests. and of many
pther things which we are going to nave
10 conserve if we are not to permit our
selves to go to pieces as a nation we
rannot continue the present wastetul pro
tesses much longer.
Being now convinced that he was
on the right path. Mr. Clark now es
tablished the National Clean Up anC
Paint Up campaign bureau In st
Louis and himself took the place oi
chairman. The rest, he says, was easy
Business and civic organizations
women's clubs, preachers and editors
all over the country at once began
calling on him for campaign plans an6
literature to spread the gospel o1
cleanliness, thrift and civic pride. The
great idea has been taken up enthusi
astically in thousands of American
communities.
The Ely miner., 1915-04-30

the Imperial German Army, for he still
hand-painted sleeves and the Murillo
panels inserted in the silk stockings.
Some class, take it from Uncle JAS
per!
There is such an air of subdued ele-
gance and concentrated luxury about
the layout that you want to rush to
a telephone, call up your office and tell
them there that you're never going to
work again as long as you live.
The elevator doors swing open dis
closing picture post card of Turk
ish seraglio-whatever that is. Then
West Indian chauffeur. all dolled
like Sir Walter Raleigh on his way to
see Queen Elizabeth, gives you the
high sign and shoots Heavenward
while you sink to your waist in the
Persian rug on the floor of the gilded
cage.
Helps parade grounds are on the
Twelfth floor His apartment consists
of eleven rooms and nine baths
Oil Wv Ci oiShc IiiC oihidS iooLi
and the buffers pantry have no bath
attached, but Hep says that defect will
be remedied if he has to drop another
$4,000 year into the Kitty.
The Party was in full blast when
we reached the scene of the Confiagra.
tion.
A string orchestra concealed behind
a lot of aristocratic rubber plants scat.
tered enough rag-time for everybody
to dip in and help themselves, so up and
down through Hep's library into the
drawing-room, through the living-room
across the hall, and through the card
room, around the foyer, back through
the sitting room, down the hall again
and back into the .drawing-room the
various couples pranced and galloped
end wriggled and squirmed and joshed
each other into the belief that this was
Life.
Hep met us at the door of the Fun
Factory and introduced us to all the
celebrities present. with the exception
of those who were busy stepping on
each others feet in the joyous dance
Peaches and l sat down to watch the
mad revels. but as we did so music
m,x concealed in our little tete-a-tete
sofa began to play Smokey Ookums.
so we arose hurriedly and decided to
Stand during the rest of the carnival
When we hurriedly arose to the oc
casion ;. Literary. Gnat whose name is
Georgie Nathun got the laugh \: his
life.
pardon mc;" he said. giggling, -but
IN man with my keen sense of hu
NOR the, episode of the concealed mu
The Ely miner., 1915-04-30
Wartime Boom in RAGS.

A boom in rags Is the latest evi-
dence of wartime activity. They are
wanted for the textile trade, and, as
continental supplies have fallen of.
old home stocks are fetching high
prices. At Dewsbury, Eng. and other
textile centers the rag sales have been
have advanced by $40 a ton, and by
$35 and $40 for the better sorts.
The Ely miner., 1915-04-30
Rooms for Rent.

Even college professors furnish
some of the humor of school life. 1t
was the registrar of large university
who, to an inquiry for suite of large,
light, airy rooms" answered:
why, l don't just recall any now;
but I've got lot of em in my head"
And fiustered professor told =
class of young ladies, You may have
fifty minutes of the hour to tell me
what you know on the subject, and
will take the remaining ten and tell
you what l know"
The Ely miner., 1915-04-30
CAY, did you ever get ready and &c
~ to a Turkey Trot party?

~ to a Turkey Trot party?
Scold mel deserve 1t, Paw!
You wouldn't think it, but here in
New York the Pet of Fortune who
makes il his life's work to Burn Money
is sometimes hard put for an excuse to
Light the Match.
When a Paloofa with nothing in his
attic but shredded wheat falls heir TO
a hatful of Mazuma he quickly realizes
that the money has to be ignited-but
how to do it!
The awning that hangs between his
pompadour and his eyebrows becomes
Care-furrowed from trying to figure
ont just how to set fire to the coin
Dad left him without attracting the
attention of the police.
The Poor Thing soon discovers that
it's awfully hard to invent a new
style in Financial Bonfires, so he falls
back on the fiint-and-steel method of
ignition-and Gives a Party.
He knows that his bundle OF green
and yellow pathfinders will burn with
brighter flame il he can induce lot
OF NISnt hluerS 10 tarry Dy HIS neartn-
stone during the ceremony.
And joy in abundance Is his when
they begin to kick the ashes around
his $4,000 apartment with their slip
pered feet.
Having heard Peaches breathe a de-
sire to be Among Those Present at a
Turkey Toddle. our friend Hep Hardy
got busy with his favorite paying
teller and gave one.
l tried to explain to friend wife
that she'd find herself in blush-pro.
ducing atmosphere where she'd hear
them discussing White Slave dramas,
hot from the Grand Jury room, but she
merely stung me with dimpled smile
and said, "Tush; come on; let's tease
a taxi"
Hep lives in one of those expensive
shacks where the entrance is made up
to look like the room Louis the Fif-
teenth used to get shaved in.
When you step in the front door you
think you've suddenly arrived at a
forced sale of art objects and bric-a.
brac.
The attendant who greets you with
a grin like a comatose catfish must
have been at one time a Captain in
The Ely miner., 1915-04-30
Just So.

Il don't see why the bicycle is so
much more popular than the tricycle..
should think it would be much
steadier and safer There's such
a thing as having an excess of ma
terial. Like, for instance, trying to
walk on three legs"
The Ely miner., 1915-04-30
Jacobsen to Stick.

The release by Detroit OF Outfield.
er Fred Nicholson, who goes to San
Antonio. means that Baby Doll Jacob
sen is sure of a berth with the Tigers,
as Jennings has left but four outfield.
ers. Cobb. Crawford, Veach and ia
cobsen.
The Ely miner., 1915-04-30
Mother,sIasts Lonaer.

Mother-"Edna, look at your dirty
hands, and saw you wash them only
half an hour ago" Edna-"Yes,
mamma. l just can't understand it.
but your washing stays on ever SO
much longer than mine does. Boston
Transcript.
The Ely miner., 1915-04-30
Place of Amusement.

Redd-You know London has an
automobile museum
Greene-We ought to have one in
this country. 1t, no doubt. would be
an amusing place.
why an amusing place?
why, the automobiles do SO many
funny tricks
The Ely miner., 1915-04-30
His Outlook-

Life seems all upside down."
moaned the baby, when they reversed
him because he had swallowed a but
ton.
"At any rate, you're well heeled," re-
sponded the parents, each of whom
held one.
The Ely miner., 1915-04-30
Many Desire Jobs.

Manager Donovan is being swamped
with requests from aspiring lefthand.
ers who are eager to get Job with
the Yankees. Jack Thoney, formerly
with the White Sox. has asked for q
trial and may get chance to show
his wares.
The Ely miner., 1915-04-30
Little Pitchers.

Grandma, are you with the cir.
cus?"
"Of course not, child. What makes
you ask such thing?"
Il heard pa say that whan you
came to visit us. we'd have ecS ele.
phant on our hands"
The Ely miner., 1915-04-30
Clothes Partisan Dogs.

In Paris there is a dogs tailor who
does a large business. The tailor Is
lady and in her reception rooms are
fashion books containing designs of
the dog jackets in various colors and
materials from cloth to chamois and
sealskin.
The Ely miner., 1915-04-30
Still Knocking.

Hicks-I understand that you and
Sharp had buried the hatchet, but
heard him criticize you pretty severe
ly last night" Nicks-"Oh. we've
buried the hatchet all right, but he
still uses the hammer"
The Ely miner., 1915-04-30
Place for Tom DaIx

Tom Daily, substitute White Sox
catcher for 1915, instead of being gen.
eral, all-around utility man, as he was
last season. will be understudy to
Ray Schalk.
The Ely miner., 1915-04-30
The unpsrdonabIe Crime.

A man may forgive lad who sets
fire to orphan asylums and robs poor
boxes. But the best he can ever say
for a man who steals his turn in a
barber shop is that he is low-down
Siwash snake eater.
The Ely miner., 1915-04-30
Object of Theater.

The object of the theater is not 70
teach us what this or that particular
person has done, but what every per-
son of a certain character under GER
tain circumstances would do.-LessinE-
The Ely miner., 1915-04-30
Fresh Paint.

The man who reads the legend
Paint"
Can never pass it by,
Without a touch of fngertip. to see
if it be dry,
And it most always amt.
The Ely miner., 1915-04-30
Japanese Invention.

1t has been generally supposed that
the revolving stage was German in
vention. AS matter of fact, turn
table system has been used in Japa-
nese theaters for years.
The Ely miner., 1915-04-30
sians for $50 Per Month

Dick Kinsella has a contract in his
possession which Lee Magee signed in
Springfield about eight years ago. The
document calls for salary of $50 .
month
The Ely miner., 1915-04-30
DajIv Thou0ht.

The great guiding marks of wise
liss are indeed few and simple-to do
our duty. to avoid useless sorrow and
acquiesce patiently in the inevitable.
wv. Lecky.
The Ely miner., 1915-04-30
Cleanliness and Morals.

OftdHfI1eSS dHu HfUI ITS
A little fresh paint and the vigor-
Gus use of the scrub brush make NOR.
ais cleaner
The Detroit times., 1915-06-12
THE GIRLS JOB.

1t is "A shame that girls are liable
10 this sort OF thing occasionally,
though few men in business are so
lacking in elemental decency as 10
take advantage OF girls need for
a salary when she clearly indicates
that she prefers to be let alone.
The trouble with a girl in her
first position is that she sometimes
fails 10 make her position on the
subject clear from the first. y
Troubled had shown the first in
slant that she would permit no fir
tation, the thing would probably
have ended right there She was
too young, and like many girls, she
hated 10 think the man was a cad,
or to be oyerprudish.
There is only one thing to do.
Troubled. and that is 10 resign. You
might try 10 find another position
for few weeks. answer advertise
ments II you can get time, let your
girl friends know you are out for a
new job. But I know no other solu-
ton except that of leaving.
The Detroit times., 1915-06-12
Could You Manage Flirtatious
5oss7
BY JESSIE ROBERTS.

Dear Miss Roberts, am in
trouble and come to- you for ad
vice. Last fall ! got a position as
stenographer tmy firstD with bust
ness man. have done good work
and am drawing a slightly larger
salary than when | began. have
10 support myself and dare not risk
finding myself without work.
"Of late my employer has been
trying TO firt with me AZ first
did not believe he meant anything.
and tried not 10 take any notice.
But 1t is getting more marked, and
now dread 10 be left alone with
him, for he is always trying to take
my hand or saying silly things and
generally being soft.
What ought | 10 do7 So far |
have never gone out to lunch with
him. but he insists that must do
so. am afraid that he will dis
charge me il do not say yes.
always try 10 be strictly business
like in my manner. and do not think
have myself TO blame for this dis
agreeable situation. Please to help
ne. Sincerely yours. Troubled
The Detroit times., 1915-06-12

ter Annie and the wonderful baby.
Tim rode beside us az proudly as the
finest cavalry officer in the king
own. II was Joy to see how every
policeman OF the traffic squad, as we
passed. swept all the other franc
aside and let us pass,
ITS a great day for the Irish" re-
marked one OF them with a smile
and a wink.
True for we. Dennie, true for Sc"
answered Tim, land II we had been
the man | hoped you was, you would
have married pretty Norah Mcfad-
den at least a year ago and ye would
have been walking to the church
with a baby yerself this day"
Tim admonished Annie, but
Harry laughed and said, Let him
alone, he must say something to
somebody or he'll blow up and
burst"
When we got 10 the church | made
Harry read over the duties of god
father. so that he would understand
what he was promising to do.
Don't you worry. Margie, he
whispered. I'm going TO be a model
godfather 10 Tins little girl
81 wonder If Dick will be as proud
of our baby as Tim is of his" said.
He does not say much about 1t late
! ly. But Dick is so queer, he some
times bursts out with the most won
derful ideas and sentiment that
never expected him OF having
That's right. Margie, often think
Dick has more sentiment than you.
must have looked surprised, for
Harry exclaimed, Men as rule
have more sentiment than women.
but they're usually ashamed to show
it TO anyone. The things that lie
deepest are the things OF which We
men never speak. | have rarely
| found a woman who is not sentimen-
tai but | have seldom discovered
much sentiment in the most OF
them"
why, Harry" I exclaimed, does
becoming godfather make you a
pessimist?"
No" he answered. but some way
Margie. you have a way of making a
The Detroit times., 1915-06-12
The Confessions of q Wife
Harry Makes Little Confession

Notwithstanding the solemnity OF
the occasion | could not help but
smile at the sight OF Tim OConnor
as he brought his baby down the
aisle to present 1t for its christen
ing
had promised Annie TO be god
mother to her little daughter and
Tim. after long elaboration, De
tween the chief and Mr.. Harry Sy-
none. had chosen the latter to be
godfather.
You see, Miss Margie Tim calls
me by the same name that Annie
does | was afraid perhaps the chief
would think II was meself trying 10
bride him II trusted him with the
future OF little Margaret Anne. le
see. the chief has no children OF his
own and think between you and
meself. Miss Margaret. he is a biz
jealous OF the baby do be presentin
to Father Mccarthy next week for
the christening. Tim. said he TO me
as he pinned medal on me that
day at the hospital. i don't envy W
yer decoration, IL belongs to ye le
earned IL with your quick moind and
courage, but | do be envyin' you yer
baby She's "a swate as an Irish
hedge rose. And in this, me boy
ye can take nothin 10 yerselt. fer ye
are a red-headed spalpeen with the
big mouth and long upper lip OF your
forefathers, Yis,' he repeated with q
sigh, I sure do envy ye the baby
"Ye see. Miss Margaret, knowing
how he feels in the matter. II would
be just like askin' him for the desk
OF the Sarge and can't do that
ye know. Mr.. Symone has been so
foine 20 Annie and me that we said
that the least we could do was 10
give him this honor"
Dear. simple minded Tim II there
were more fathers who looked upon
their children in this light. | am
thinking. little book. We would not
have so much talk about better
babies
Harry came around for me in his
big touring car and then we went al.