The Monticellonian., 1915-01-07

and funny songs. It's a perpetual.
comedy for them.
You sit at home, after hard days
work, and write, with the greatest
sincerity and often trouble. a letter
OF complaint to my house You are
very serious about it. What would
you think, how Inundated you would
feel, If you could see your letter. writ
ten so carefully by you. passed around
! for sneering comments and laughing
/ jests.
/ And one of my nine-dollar-a-week
clerks will turn to his stenographer
and say: Send this kicker form 10
letter. And the stenographer will
take an imitation form letter. write
your name at the top and stamp the
name of one of the bosses as the sig
nature, and mail it to you. The letter
will read something like this:
Dear Friend:
We are very sorry to note that you are
dtspleased with your last order We can
not understand how such a mistake has
occurred. We paid particular attention
- AiiG Sill EHitIl VI your OIdtf DIS we loOh
upon you as one OF our most valued Gus
toners.
I viii attend personally to your next
order and Sc. that it is put up in the very
best manner. We value your letters very
highly and look to hear from you with
pleasure.
Hoping you are well and wishing you
the compliments of the season. permit
me to sign myself.
Yours most sincerely.
Signed name of the Bess)
Probably the boss is away in Eu-
rope or somewhere else. You will
note that the letter would apply to
anything, from the receipt of can of
decayed tomatoes to a broken chair
It's all hot air" These letters don't
mean anything. The manner in which
We avoided sending a duplicate of the
same letter to you when you sent in
the next kick, which we looked for
and expected, was in this way We
kept a big yellow envelope with all
of your letters and correspondence.
orders, etc, in it. On the front of
the letter was memorandum of the
form letters that had been sent you
For instance. when your next kick
was received the correspondent who
would get your letter would look on
the front of the envelope and see that
you had been sent form 13. So he
would reply ito this new kick with
form Il, which would read something
like this:
Dear Friend:
I have Just looked up your last order
and find that in the absence of Mr. Blank
(the boss that signed the other with
rubber stamp as proxy, who was un-
avoidahly out of the city when your or
der came in. your order was filled by
new employee. just how the mistake oc-
CURED we don't know. but I have dis
charged the person who handled the or
der
We want you to feel satisfied THEY'VE
are trying to give you our very best sci =
ice and # yeu have any further COM
plants 10 make write direct to me.
Will give them my personal attention
Send in another order, as soon as you
can, and l will see that 1t is taken care
Of
We are having nice weather here and
hope you are having the same in your To-
cality. Write soon
Yours faithfully,
Signed: 6Another Boss)
You as an individual have no more
consideration in my concern than
postage stamp. You are nonentity,
you are only yellow envelope with
series of marks denoting the num-
Der of kicks you have sent in.
But f1attery goes a long ways. You
must be fattered. you must be ca
ioled You must be given all and any
kinds of promises, but none of them
will be kept Your money is what we
want But must try to make you
believe that you are a great friend.
that | read your letters personally and
answer them.
Dear Friend-It's all bunk. For ev-
cry letter sent you, full of flattery and
insincere statements and lies, there
are thousands of others all over the
country who get exactly the same let
tiers. I'll guarantee that many of you
who read these confessions by me
have read letter after letter written
by me and 10 which the name of some
4 big boss was signed with a rubber
stamp. Or perhaps some little gum
chewing girl signed them with pen
and ink, writing the boss name.
Think it over,
DOCTORS ALL IN ,HE ARMY