Hopkinsville Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1889-1918, 1915-03-09

the Judgment day arrives'" laughed
the old maid.
| As Aunt Mary had about resolved
that this should be her last case, and
as her eyes told her that this was
the homeliest woman In the United
States, her pride as matchmaker
was aroused. She had heard of an
extraordinarily homely man fifty miles
away, and started to drive there. When
twenty miles from home she met a
man in a buggy and he called out to
her:
Hello, Aunt Mary--I was bound for
your house"
Wanted TO see me. eh?"
Il did and do. Two years ago l
married a girl for her good looks. She
didn't know as much as a cat about
housework, and she was bad tempered
and lazy. In six months she eloped
with a drummer"
And you pursued them and killed
him?" queried Aunt Mary.
, We'll, ! never heard that I did. IL
! had pursued it would have been to
thank them both! applied for a di-
vorce instead and got it,"
And now you want another wife?"
yes. but not a good-looking one.
| don't want her even plain looking.
Indeed, ] want her homely"
My mission, as you know. has been
to bring two homely people together,
but"
Il want you to make an exception
in my case. l am a farmer, and live
at the crossing of two prominent high
ways. There is not an hour in the
day that tin peddler, chicken buyer
or agent of some sort or other is not
calling to chin with the wife. know
that the one who ran away with the
drummer had sixteen offers to elope
before he came along"
And you want wife that will scare
everybody away?"
That's it,"
WELL. / have on hand and ready
for immediate delivery an old maid
that will either delight your heart or
scare you out of the county. l have
seen the homeliest in the land, and
she takes the medal over ALL"
HAS she lost a leg or an arm?"
NO"
"Good-tempered?"
"A homely woman invariably is"
Know how to bake BEANS"
Il am sure she is a good house.
keeper"
"One more question" said the man.
Does she snore?"
Il will guarantee that she does not"
He then told Aunt Mary all she
wanted to know and repeat to the
other party, and a date was arranged
for the meeting.
Remember, If she isn't nightly
homely it's no marriage" warned the
man as they parted.
You'll have to go to Africa to find
a homelier one!" laughed Aunt Mary.
The date came for the meeting. The
man was on time. Aunt Mary was
there to make the introduction. The
couple shook hands and then stood
back and looked at each other. A
shade of disappointment settled on
each face. Aunt Mary was quick to
observe it.
well, isn't she homely enough?"
why. she's a good-looking woman"
was the reply. You led me to be-
lieve that she was fright to see."
"And she led me to believe that you
were a fine looking mani" added the
old maid.
Aunt Mary sat down from the weak
ness of her knees. She had never met
such a case before. Three or four
went past and then she loos-
ened bit of pink ribbon pinned to q
curtain and held it up.
What's the color?"
"Green!" was the prompt reply of
one.
"Blue!" was promptly replied by the
other.
Aunt Mary was saved. They were
color blind.
"Well, l did want a fine looking
said the old maid, but they
say a man with face like squash
Is always a good man"
And l didn't want another hand
some wife. but I'm no kicker" added
the man. an get a shotgun and
bulldog, and l guess we can keep the
fellers away"
They had the thing turned about.
but they married and have lived very
happily, but the husband wonders now
and then why even a chicken buyer
never calls at the house.