davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1915-06-18
10 LIFE W1h
JOHN HENRY
WGeolqeX.HO
John Henry On Getting Grip

Fright again." whispered.
do the joints feel sore and pinched
like poolroom?" he said.
Right"
Does your tongue feel rare and
high priced like porterhouse steak
at summer resorts"
Exactly"
"Do you feel a spasmodic fluttering
in the concertina?"
"Yes!"
"Have you sort of nervous hesita-
ton in your hunger and does every
thing you eat taste like an impossible
sandwich made by ghostly baker
from disappearing bread and phantom
ham?"
"Keno!"
Does your nerve center tinkle-
tinkle like breakfast bell in kitch-
enless boarding house?'
Fright again!"
Have you feeling that the germs
have attacked your Adams apple and
that there won't be any core?
"Yes!"
''When you look at the wall paper
does your brain do sort of loop-the-
loop and cause you to meld 100 aces
or double pinochle?"
Eyes, and 80 kings, tool"
"Do you feel a slight paipitation Of
the membrane Of the colorado madura
and is there a confused murmur in
vour brain like the sound of a hard
working gas meter?"
you've got me sized good and plen-
ty, Doc!"
do you have insomnia, nightmare,
loss of appetite, chills and fever and
concealed respiration in the carolina
perfecto?"
That's the idea, Doc!"
when you lie on your right side do
you have an impulse to turn over on
your left side, and when you turn
over on your left side do you feel an
impulse to jump out of bed and throw
stones at policeman"
There isn't anything you can men
ton, Doc, that I haven't got"
"Ah" said the doctor; then that
settles it."
Tell me the truth" l groaned.
what is it-bubonic plague?"
"You have something worse-you
have the grip" Doctor Lesser whis-
pered gently. "You see tried hard
to mention some symptom which you
didn't have, but you had them and
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1915-06-18
Brass Band Cures cataIepsy.

An extraordinary instance of the
curative power of music is recorded in
newspapers recently arrived from
Italy. In Naples hospital lay GER
tain francesca Messina who had ar
rived from New York in condition OF
coma. He had been asleep for seven
months and nothing the doctors could
do would arouse him.
The Countess Cell, visiting the hos
pital, suggested that brass band be
engaged to play expressly for the
sleeper. The doctors laughed at her
but she got the band, brought it to the
hospital, stationed it under the win
dow of the ward in which Messina was
sleeping and made it play its loudest
and liveliest pieces. After an hour OF
drumming and trumpeting, Messina
suddenly sat up, wide awake. He was
cured and was at once discharged.
This is the third time he has had such
cataleptic attack, the first having
been precipitated by his sweetheart
jiltirg him.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1915-06-18

what mussed, he CROPPED across tnr
darkened room and solemnly shoos
hands with me.
Then he sat in Q chair by the bed.
side and began to sing soft lullabies
to a hold-Over.
Presently he reached out his arm
and made all the gestures that go with
the act of hitting bell to summon a
waiter.
Receiving no answer to his thirsty
appeal, he arose and said: This is
a heluva club-rottenest service in
this club-s'Iimit, that's what it is.
s'limit!" Then he hiccoughed his
weary way out of the room and 1
haven't seen him since.
An hour later Uncle Louis Miffen-
dale had looked me over and conclud-
ed 1 had galloping asthma, COM
pressed tonsilitis, chillblainous croup
and incipient measles. He insieSed
that / take three grains of quinine.
two grains of asperine, rub the back
of my neck with benzine, soak my
ankles in kerosene, then a little
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1915-06-18
INVADERS TAKE MONFAL CONE
Austrlans Destroy Stronghold South
of Trent as Enemy's Army
Nears.

Udine, Italy, June 11.-Italian troops
are within sight of the city of Trieste.
from the hilltops near Monfalcone
they can see the city, the capture Of
which is one of the main detectives
Of the Italian campaign.
The occupation of Monfalcone is re-
garded by Italians as of great impor-
lance. Less than a score Of miles
from Trieste, its possession gives the
Italians control of the chief railway
junction of that region. 1t prevents
the Austrians from transporting troops
or ammunition between Trieste and
Tolmino and Gradisca. Monfalcone is
the center of electrical supply for
Trieste and has large shipbuilding
yards.
On taking possession of Monfalcone
the Italians ran up their flag on the
ruins OF an ancient tower built by the
Venetians. The capture of the town
is being celebrated today by the Ital-
ian troops.
Verona, Italy, June 1.-THE italian
troops which are invading Austria
through the Arsa valley toward Ro-
vereto. to the south of Trent, di~eov-
cred that the Austrians had aDan-
doned Fort Possacchio, two miles
north of Matassone.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1915-06-18
j. S. TELLS BERLIN
OLDWARFARE RULES
MUST GOVERN CRAFT
Presidents Note Insists on Safe
ty of Noncombatants at Sea.
DIPL oMATIc DOOR LEFT OPEN

No Suggestion of Buster is Given In
Second Document Sent to German
overnment-WlIson insists Lusl-
tania Was Not Armed, But
Evidence Is Invited.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1915-06-18

vAY! did you ever put on the cog
~ giles and go Joy riding with an at
tack Of the grip?
It has all other forms of amusement
hushed to a lullaby-take it from
Uncle Hank.
AS a Bad Boy the grip has every
other disease slapped to sobbine
/. standstill
It's dollars to pretzels that the grip
germ is the brainiest little bug that
was ever chased by doctor.
was sitting quietly at home read
ing Maeterlinck on Auction Bridge
when suddenly began to sneeze like
a Russian regiment answering roll
call.
Friend wife was deep in the mys-
teries of Ibsen's latest achievement
1.-THE Rise and Fall of the Hobble
Skirt" but she politely acknowledged
my first sneeze with the customary
"Gesundheit!"
Then she trailed along bravely with
her response for ten or fifteen min
utes, but it was no use-I had more
sneezes in my system than there are
"Gesundheits!" in the entire German
nation, including principalities, pos
sessions across the sea, and the Mu-
steal Union.
"John," she ventured after a time,
you are getting a cold!"
: I'm not getting it, l shifted; II
have 1t now
What mean, contemplate little
creature a grip germ must be. Alb
solutely without any Of the finer in
stincts it sneaks into peoples sys-
TENS disguised as an ordinary cold.
It isn't on the level like appendicitis
or inf1ammatory rheumatism, both of
which are brave and fearless and will
walk right up to you and kick you on
the shins, big as you are.
Nobody ever knows just what make
up the grip germs will put or to break
into the human system, but once they
get a foothold in the epiglottis moth
ing can remove them except inward
applications of dynamite.
The grip germ hates the idea of
race suicide.
discovered shortly after I had
sneezed myself into condition of
pale blue profanity that newly-mar-
ried couple of grip germs had taken
a notion to build nest somewhere on
the outskirts of my solar plexus, and
two hours later they had about 233
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1915-06-18

the grip is the only disease in the
world which makes speciality Of hav-
ing every symptom known to medical
Jurisprudence"
Then the doctor got busy with the
pencil gag and left me enough pre-
scriptions to keep the druggist in
pocket money throughout the winter.
Then my friends and relatives be-
gan to drop in and annoy me with
suggestions.
Pop Barclay sat by my bedside
and after / had barked for him two
or three times he decided / had in
flammation of the lungs and was in
sistent that tie rubber band around
my chest and rub myself with gaso.
line.
/ told Pop / had no desire to be.
come human automobile, so he got
mad and went home. But before he
got mad he drank six bottles of beer
and before he went home he invited
himself back to dinner.
Then Hep Hardy dropped in and ten
minutes later he had me making signs
for an undertaken.
Hep comes to the bedside of the af
dicted in the same restful manner that
a buzzsaw associates with a log OF
pine.
He insisted upon taking my pulse
and listening to my heart beats, but
when he attempted to turn my eye
lids back to see if had a touch OF
the CHAMBERS every germ in my body
rose in rebellion and together we
chased Hep out of the room.
The next calamity was Teddy Pear.
son, who had an apartment on the
floor above us. Teddy had spent the
previous night at a Tango party and
ever since daylight he had been beat.
ing home to windward. His cargo had
shifted and the seaway was rough
Srill clad in the black and white seen.
cry with the silk bean cover some
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1915-06-18

phenacetine, and hot whisky toddy
every half hour before meals.
If found it hard to take the toddy
he volunteered to run in every half
hour and help me.
Then his wife, AuAt Jessica, blew
in with a deduction she called catnip
tea. She brought it all the way from
had to drink it or lose perfectly re-
spectacle old aunt.
1t tasted like a linoIeum cocktail
weouw!
During the rest of the day every
friend and relative have in the world
rushed in, suggested sure cure and
then rushed out again.
Peaches tried them all on me and
felt like the inside of medicine
chest.
To make matters, worse, drank
some dogberry cordial and it chased
the catnip tea all over my concourse.
Then Peaches, being student of
natural history, insisted that / take
some hoarhound, suppose to bite the
dogberry, but it didn't.
Blood will tell, so the hoarhound
Joined forces with the dogberry and
chased the catnip up my family tree.
Suffering antiseptics! everybody
with different remedy, from snake
poison to soothing syrup-but it cured
the grip.
Now all have to do is to cure the
medicine.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1915-06-18

children attending the public school
of my medusa oblongata; and every
time school would let out for recess
l would go up in the air and hit the
ceiling with my Lima.
Before daylight came all these grip
children had graduated from school
and after tearing down the school
house the whole bunch had married
and had large families of their own,
and all hands were cut padding their
canoes on my alimentary canal.
BY nine o'clock that morning there
must have been eighty-five million grip
germs armed with self-loading revolv-
ers all trying to shoot their initials
over the walls of my interior depart
ment.
It was fierce!
When Doctor Lesser arrived on the
scene was carrying enough con-
cealed weapons to start something in
Mexico.
The good old pill pusher threw his
saws behind the sofa, put his dip net
on the mantlepieee, and took a fall
out Of my pulse.
sAh!" he said, after he had noted
that my tongue looked like a curry
comb
The same to you, Doc,' said
All" he said, looking hard at the
wall
Say, Doc!" whispered; there's no
uSe to cllf off my leg hecanse the
germs will hide in my elbow"
DO you feel shooting pains in the
cerebellum near the apex Of the cos
mopolitan?" inquired the doctor.
"Surest thing you know / said
Have you a buzzing in the ears, and
confused sound like distant laugh
ter in the panatella?' he asked
IT'S a cinch, Doc" | said.
do you feel roaring in the cornu-
copia with ticking sensation in the
Diaphragm" he asked.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1915-06-18

ment or Great Britain by which the
character and conditions Of the war
upon the sea may be changed The
government of the United States
would consider it privilege thus to
serve it's friends and the world. 1t
stands ready at any time to convey
to either government any intimation
or suggestion the other may be will
ing to have it convey and cordially
invites the imperial German govern
ment to make use Of its service in
this. way at its convenience. The
whole world is concerned in anything
that may bring about even partial
accommodation of interests or in any
way mitigate the terrors of the pres
ent distressing conflict.
TN the meantime, whatever arrange
ment may happily be made between
the parties to the war, and whatever
may in the opinion of the imperial
German government have been the
provocation or the circumstantial
justification for the past acts of it's
commanders at sea, the government
of the United States confidently looks
to see the justice and humanity of the
government Of Germany indicated in
all cases where Americans have been
wronged or their rights as neutrals
invaded
"The government Of the United
States, therefore, very earnestly and
very so1emnly renews the presenta-
tions of its note transmitted to the
imperial German government on the
18th of May, and relies in these rep
reservations upon the principles OF
humanity, the universally recognized
understandings of international law,
and the ancient friendship of the
German nation.
Insists on Rights Of Americans.
1.-THE government Of the United
States cannot admit that the proc
lamation Of war zone from which
neutral ships have been warned to
keep away may be made to operate
as in any degreee an abbreviat1on OF
the rights either of American ship
masters or of American citizens
bound on lawful errands as passen-
gers on merchant ships Of belligerent
nationality It does not understand
the imperial German government to
question those rights. It understands
it, also, to accept as established be-
yond question the principle that the
lives Of noncombatants cannot law
fully or rightfully be put in jeopardy
by the capture or destruction of an
unresisting merchantmen, and to rec
ognize the obligation to take sufficient
precautions to ascertain whether a
suspected merchantmen is in fact of
belligerent nationality or is in fact
carrying contraband Of war under a
neutral flag. The government of the
United States therefore deems it rea-
sonable to expect that the imperial
German government will adopt the
measures necessary to put these prin-
ciples into practice in respect of the
safeguarding of American lives and
American ships, and asks for assur-
ances that this will be done.
(Signed) ROBERT LANSING,
Secretary of State, ad Interim"
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1915-06-18
TEUToNs CUT RUSS LINES
General Won Llnsingen's Troops Cross
the Dniester River in Galicia,
Berlin Reports.

Berlin, June lit was officially an
nounced by the war Office that the Aus
tro-German army under General Won
Linsingen has crossed the Dniester
river ip Galicia and cut communica-
ton between the Russian armies N
Galicia and Bukowina.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1915-06-18
II NORWEGIAN SHIPS SUNK
Sweden Has Lost "a and Denmark "a
Since War Started-Figures Com
piled at Copenhagen.

London, June 11.-Ngures compiled
at Copenhagen show that the Scandi-
nayian nations have suffered large
losses in shipping as a result Of the
war. Thus far Is Norwegian vessels
have been torpedoed and IL blown up
by mines. Sweden has lost six yes
sells by torpedoes and Is by mines;
Denmark four by torpedoes and ten
by mines.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1915-06-18
co-operatIon.

Gibbs-So you went after the Job?
I thought you believed that the Office
should seek the man.
Dibbs- do; but this is a fat job,
and thought It might get winded be-
fore it reached me.-Boston Tran
script.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1915-06-18
Bread Prices Are Reduced.

London, June LA reduction of
cent in the price of bread is an
nounced. The price of four-pound
loaf has beep 16 cents.
Brownsville herald. [volume] (Brownsville, Tex.) 1910-current, 1915-09-29
RISE HITS
THE RIO GRANDE
BORDER STREAM REPORTED OUT AT
MANY POINTS. WITH A HEAVY
FLOW ON WAY.

With the Rio Grande already danger
ously near high water mark. but showing
slight Indication of rcccdiHg. y ncw rise
was reported today at Mission. For nearly
a week the river ha- been near high water.
and al many points along the lower
reaches IL has overlooked ii- unprotected
banks and flooded lowland- ana some
farms. Az q point about tour miles ont nd
Brownsville water has oycrilowcd and KY
now covering the military road. ut several
place, two and three feet deep. making the
road impa~~abIe MI these points.
ID viii take about thirty -iN huur- lor
the new rise to reach Brownsville from
Mission. with the possibility that IVY thc
meantime the river may reccde consider
ably al this point. ~ the meantime the
city IVY taking precautions tu prevent thc
breaking ~ lcvcc~ protecting lower part-
Of the river, and ~ having them guarded
night and day.
All streams on the lower Rio GrHndc are
reported heavily filled TN recent rains. iu-
Guiding the Devils and Pccn- rivers on th,
American side and the san Juan river d.
Mexico.
Brownsville herald. [volume] (Brownsville, Tex.) 1910-current, 1915-09-29
OF LYCEUM
COURSE FRIDAY

The first number NJ the Lyccum course
IL hc brought a. Brownsville this winter
is 10 he the Dckovcn male quaricttc.
The quartcttc will render itS recital at
the Dittmann theatre Friday night. o..
tUbcr first.
Despite the unsettled conditions on
the border the ladies az the civic league
are Il ping and expecting \ large at
tendance on The first night of the course
which j. ~ he continued throughout the
winter. The fact that the entertainment
Friday night IL musical in it~ nature
assures il Of a warm reception in
Brownsville.
The Civic League il asking that the
members Of the organization ami their
friends assist i'm the sale AFT tickets. The
ladies actively IN charge of the ticket
sales and the arrangements Er the rn-
tcrtainmcnt are Mr>damcS w. l..
ZONES, II. II. GAY. w. III. Ross. Chester
Dcbardclchen. III. NJ. Sket'on. W. Ii.
Craig and Miss kowal>ki.
Brownsville herald. [volume] (Brownsville, Tex.) 1910-current, 1915-09-29
Hotel Arrivals.

Miller IIotcl-F. G. Walden, Louisville
NJ. :. Hollingsworth, New York; q. w.
Strain. Houston III. NJ. Pinnick. Houston (;
+. b. lleuck. San Antonio: 4. L. Bacon.
san Antonio: j. /. Sullivan, Corpus Christi +;
l.. b. Flynt, Dallas: &. 4. Leake. Houston.
San Carlo, Hotels. A. Warren Kings
vile; q. III. Boyd. king~ville; J. VI. Wal
tiers. kinesville; G.. b. i%loIing~. Austin; J.
Il. Foster, king,ville; l.. Il. sumner, San
Antonio: NJ. W.. Pitts, Lyford J.. A. Black
shire, Waco.
Travellers Hotel. A. EichcIbergcr.
Louisville; J. A.. Small. Houston; II. Il.
Grant, city, X. b.. MaX>on. Mercedes F;
IIulon Sterling, San Bcnito; Charlie
Caught, Houston; Antonio Gonzales. city
Harry r. Brown. Houston: a. j. Fisher.
Corpus Christi; John L. Wagner. Corpus
Christi; r. 4. Niolland, San Antonio.
Brownsville herald. [volume] (Brownsville, Tex.) 1910-current, 1915-09-29
KSONA

J.. /. Sullivan Of Corpus Christi j. in tao
city on business.
sheriff ". T. Nann j. a business visitor
in lIarlingen today.
II. NJ. SHELTON left Yesterday for a few
days business trip To point, IN Central
Texas.
l.. Il. IIeuck and A. X. Bacon Of san
Antonio are business visitors IN Browns
vile today.
T.. III. Hartmann of san Antonio i in the
city attending the term Of county court
now in session.
Lindsay Waters. Cameron county farm
demonstration agent i a visitor in
Brownsville today.
Charles Champion. the well known Point
Isabel merchant, j. ii from the coast on a
short business mission today.
Captain Norie>. and wife. of the Fourth
infantry returned today from 4 turlough
spent in visiting points III the east.
John g.. Fernandez. president Of the
Merchants National bank, has returned
from a short stay nj Mineral Wells.
Attorney j. II. Canale~ returned ~
Brownsville this morning from Edlnburg.
where he has been attending district court.
Deputy United States Marshal f.. T..
Herring returned on the noon train from
san Bcnito. where hc has been attending ~
business connected with hi> office.
4. w. Strain. general passenger agent
Tor the Gulf Coast Lines, aud Harry ".
PInnick, district passenger agent, both with
headquarters ut Houston left tins morning
Tor a trip up the branch.
Brownsville herald. [volume] (Brownsville, Tex.) 1910-current, 1915-09-29
Ger. Carlos Rrinaas Known Here.

toncrHI tNrION BriugIN. Who WAS rr-
ported IN i special dispatch Ia The Her
AID from Mexico civ to have hcrH exc
cutcd, il known in Brownsville Two
wears ago General BriuguS came across
the III" tirandc in company with two
'arranza army officers. and was arrest
81 I'm Captain Kirby Walker and Lieu
tenant J. Il. Coulter. the ia command
of troops here on y char". -f violation
Of the neutrality. They batter were per
mlttcd tO rct-irn to Mexico.
Brownsville herald. [volume] (Brownsville, Tex.) 1910-current, 1915-09-29

OFFICE or THE DEPUTY COLLEC-
TOR OF CUSTOMS. Brownsville, Texas.
September %. 1915. There will be sold
ut public auction. 1T the United States
Customs House. in this city. on Wedne~-
day. October &. 1915. al 10 o'clock a. m.
one tll bay mare. seized for violation ~
Section 30s2 Il. :. Any claim made there
for. must be filed with the undersigned
within seven t7l day hereof. J. a. Maltby.
Deputy Collector.-adv.
Brownsville herald. [volume] (Brownsville, Tex.) 1910-current, 1915-09-29
AT The Movies Today
AT the Dittmann

At the Oittmann-"The Sort Of Girl
Who Came From Heaven" is the attrar
tive title of the principal! offering at
the Dittmann for tonight. Several
Young fellows talking together at their
club ask Ninton ii hc ever met 4 girl
for whom he really cared. He admits
that there was just one, and she was
the sort Of girl who came from heaven.
As he tells his story Lc il seen a. a
young man striving To turn his budding
literary genius into a practical money
earning power. Then how he meets this
most beautiful girl al an icc cream par
Tor and falls in love at first sight with
her Quakcrlikc modcStl and >hyneSS.
lie makes her acquaintance and finally
gains sufficient courage Ia ask The de-
mure little maiden ii She will not allow
him L. escort her home.
Brownsville herald. [volume] (Brownsville, Tex.) 1910-current, 1915-09-29
CITY NEWS

The new machinery Tor the Nann garage
has been received and installed. The new
machinery includes a lathe. air compressor.
gasoline storage tanks, and every other
piece of machinery necessary TO operate a
modern garage. The machinery j. being
Installed IN the remodeled transfer build
ing on the corner Of Tenth and Adams
streets.
Brownsville herald. [volume] (Brownsville, Tex.) 1910-current, 1915-09-29
Land Man Leaves -Tl

Land Man Leaves Thomas II. Lee
of st. Louis. head Of the concern which IN
selling the FresnoS tract proposition.
leaves Brownsville this afternoon for IT..
oul~. Mr.. sc expects 60 return to the Val
ley the middle IF next month. and u bring
with him the largest home~eeker~' excur-
sion that hi concern has yet chaperoned
u the Valley. Despite the recent ~ctback~.
Mr.. ~ j. enthusiastic over the winters
prospects.
Brownsville herald. [volume] (Brownsville, Tex.) 1910-current, 1915-09-29

Senator Claude IIud-prth wv Y speech
made m III Pa~o on Labor day certainly
made u good point when WYE said that "what
wc want An not more laws. hut " strict cn-
iorcemcnt 81 those laws We now have" III
any Laws i- objectionable it- enforcement
will hc thc cause oi repeating n quicker
than amy other mgun~.-Alpinc Avalanche.
Brownsville herald. [volume] (Brownsville, Tex.) 1910-current, 1915-09-29
The case OF Emile Hartmann ~

the receiver vi the It. Louis. Brownsville
4 Mexico railroad j. being tried in the
county court today. The ease Is 4 suit for
damages growing ont ot an alleged assault
committed upon the defendant by q rail
way employee on the property VT the rail
road umpany
Brownsville herald. [volume] (Brownsville, Tex.) 1910-current, 1915-09-29
Lieutenant Morrow Out

Joseph &. Morrow. the aviation officer re-
Gently injured when hi acroplanc fell. has
fully recovered from hi- injuries and has
been discharged by the attending surgeon.
Captain II. =. Wright. Lieutenant Morrow
il no on duty vet. however.