The Lamar register. [volume] (Lamar, Colo.) 1889-1952, 1915-08-04
AUGUST


greater than that of his uncle, julius
Caesar, had it not been for the Ger
mans. His uncle julius never much
monkeyed with the Germans. He di-
vided Gaul into three parts, but he
thought Germany looked well in one
part. Augustus lacked his uncle's I'LL
innate discretion. He wanted Rome
10 share the sun alone, and eventually
came around to the point where it
was necessary for the purposes of
Roman trade to sell the Germans
macaroni. The Germans were pushing
pompernickel and noodles, and when
the armies met at the German boun-
dairy one of the greatest battles in his
tory began. Up to that time Rome
had not been beaten, and Augustus
confidently predicted that within 30
days the Kaiser would have macaroni
for dinner. He lived to see his mis-
take. The Germans displayed sur
prising facility at war, and for three
long years they made Rome howl. AT
the end of that time Augustus and
his generals had penetrated no fur
ther than the River Elbe. There they
stuck. The Germans held one shore,
and the Romans the other. Neither
could cross. The war then became
musical duel in which the Romans
bombarded the Germans with italian
grand opera and the Germans respond
ed with German folk songs. Augustus
did not personally lead the Romans
all the time. His son-in-law, Tiber-
ius, who was a great warrior, looked
after the matter while the Emperor
attended to other pressing affairs of
the empire at home. Finally, Tiberius
asked Augustus TO come up and hear
the Germans sing Deutschland Uber
Allies" Augustus did SO, and after
hearing the Germans sing that song
in the moonlight he announced that
they could never be conquered and
called off the war. The Roman En-
pire thereafter extended to Elbe, and
beyond that was Germany. Augustus
took his defeat very hard. He aged
rapidly, and his dying words were,
MY Uncle julius knew best"
The festive calf will show us how
The Russians do the Warsaw trot,
And in the fragrance of the NOV
Our earthly cares shall be forgot.
The harp that rang through Tara's
halls
Will let the cricket charm the breeze,
The hired man in overalls
Will softly snooze beneath the trees,
The ever faithful little Ford
Will rush the old maidstone around,
The agile vine will drag the gourd
To death upon the burning ground,
The little boy will turn his back
And feel the weight of mammals
hand,
And the bright-eyed summer girl will
track
The summer man across the sand.
The farmer on his motor truck will
tool his wheat away to mill, the while
he marvels at his luck to sell it for a
dollar bill The gentle purr Of his
machine will soothe and sugarize his
mood, and pleasant thoughts will fill
his bean despite the Silly solitude.
There is no doubt about it nOw-the
ways off Allah are benign. We beg to
make an humble bow, and all our pre-
JUDGE resign. That kind beneficenee
which keeps the wheat of Russia
bottled up is such that neither tires
nor sleeps, but ever fills our joy
Gus cup. We do not know the Koran
well, nor have we time in which to
look its logic up, but, truth to tell,
we know it is dandy book.
There is this much to say for war
it leaves things better understood, and
notwithstanding we abhor the meth
DDS, the effects are good. We saw no
virtue in the Turk until the present
war begun. He couldn't think, he
wouldn't work, he had no standing as
q man. He married 81 wives, who
took in washing for support, and never
frightened once their lives with love,
according to report. He only smoked
his cigarettes, and sold his evil SMELL
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