Baraboo weekly news. [volume] (Baraboo, Wis.) 1912-197?, 1915-12-30
Learning to
Make Love

Wouldn't it be dreadful" remark
ed Kitty, swinging her parasol non
chalantly, as we strolled down the
avenue, eff they should succeed in
establishing college of courtship in
Chicago, as somebody has been threat
ening to do?"
''Why dreadful" inquired, mildly,
Ticking the curb with my cane.
Kitty flashed me a scornful glance.
Gust fancy man laying his heart
At your feet according to scientific
method" she exclaimed, "and timing
his tender speeches with stop watch
and kissing you according to the ny
gienic rules and"
Counting his heart beats or feel
ing his pulse or appraising the tint of
your blush while he tells you he loves
you!" l broke in sympathetically.
EYES," agreed Kitty, and quoting
his proposal from copy book and his
love notes from The Lovers Latest
Letter Writer"
ooh, WE'LL" I said, consolingly, st
don't think you need bother about it. p"
"Why?" asked Kitty, lifting her
lashes innocently. Don't you think
anybody ever will propose"
II don't think anybody will take a
course in the college," I corrected
quickly. Counting is like cooking.
You've got to be born with the knack.
It's a gift of Providence or fate, as I'M.
accountable and inexplicable as a
straight nose or a good constitution,
and it cannot be cultivated any more
than either of them. 1t is one of the
things in which brains don't take the
prize and theory doesn't count"
"What does count?" demanded Kit
ty, promptly.
~Well-practice," I replied frankly,
and
"And if you're born with the
knack," interrupted Kitty, ''you can't
help practicing, II suppose"
"And if you aren't born with it,"
rejoined, ''you can read Laura Jean
Libbey and G.. Bernard Shaw and all
the guides to lovemaking that ever
were printed without learning how to
begin
cor where to STOP" interpolated
Kitty.
cor what to say to a woman"
cor what not to say to man. It's
its just liking making batter
cakes!" added Kitty suddenly.
what"
"There isn't any reliable recipe for
it," she explained, "and you can only
tell whether or not you have done it
properly by the way it turns out. I've
asked Dinah twenty times how to mix
the batter with her eyes shut. She
says nobody ever taught her; she just
Knowed how and then done it, And
she scorns a cook book as Cleopatra
or Nine. Du Barry would have scorned
a Lexicon of Love or treatise on the
art of managing man."
"And," l hazarded, "I'1l wager that.
like love, the oftener she makes them
the better she does it,"
cot course" assented Kitty. "And
she says she began making them when
she was old enough to hold a pan"
eve all begin in the kindergarten"
averred.
"Who-all?' asked Kitty, discon-
certingly.
"Oh-er, everybody has the
knack," I stammered. eve begin by
writing Valentines and hanging May
baskets and playing kissing games
and cutting out initials on the trees
inside heart, and finish"
eve never finish," broke in Kit
ty, eff we attain any-any success"
what" I exclaimed. Don't you
ever expect to stop"
mot" announced Kitty, tranquil
ly, until my grandchildren refuse to
be made love to-"
"Will you please explain"
"You can't explain it," declared
Kitty, "and more than you can ex-
plain why all the cleverest men get
the worst bargains in wives and all
the most beautiful women marry
wretchedly; or why red-headed girl
with a turned-up nose and freckles
and figure like a BARRIERS pole can
fascinate every man she meets, while
another woman with a Greek profile
and the lines Of the Venus of Milo
sits alone in the parlor every evening
doing fancy work"
Cor" I apprehended, "why a man
with the head of an Adonis and the
brains of an Aristotle is thrown over
by the girl he loves for some little
runt with crooked legs and an insinu-
ating manner and the faculty of say
ing sentimental things to a woman"
"And plenty of practice in court.
ship" added Kitty.
"Yet," I unused, Ticking my cane
"the Chicago professor
proposes to teach 1nen and women
how to understand one another"
That's the saddest and funniest |
part of it," replied Kitty, with a lit |
tie gurgle.
How can it be sad and funny at !
the same timer" I demanded.
Don't you see," cried Kitty, chow
sad it will be for the man and how
funny it will be for other people,
when he wakes up?"