New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1915-01-04
The Coming Touer
A Dream of Fair Cooks.
Nora.

A Dream of Fair Cooks.
Believe me- If all those provoking young faults
Which gaze on sadly to-day,
Were 10 change by tomorrow, I'd one-step OF
waltz
In my JOY that we'd found One TO Stay
But the meat that you cook is without any taste
And your cofee's not worth half a whoop
And It takes you, when you're in preciptate
haste
Twenty minutes 20 serve us the soup
You cannot broil fish as it ought to be broiled,
And you cannot bake pudding or pie;
And find my matutinal eggs overlooked,
Or, when they are scrambled, too dry.
But never was one for Withholding pat
And at choking laudation balk;
Though you cannot do this and you cannot do
that,
Yet you can make noise when you walk
II we were the subway bosses, and we tried TO
give the public perfect service (Which in the Latin
grammars used 70 come under Conditions Contrary
to Fsct) we should have our moments OF dscour-
agement and whats-the-useness. We frequently
see Gear trains in which the first, second eighth
and ninth cars are nearly empty; and in which the
other cars are crowded to sufocaton. The jolly
old public, composed as # is of members of tho de-
cidedy human race, IS not easy TO help.
So many public service corporations, hiding be-
hind this comfortable refuge, figure, at any rate.
'If we give good service" they argue, "the public
will be dissatisfied just the same" The only
trouble with the argument Is that 1t Is no good
The corporations that give the best service make
large and disproportionate hit with the public
which is childlke and grateful. We enjoy for In
stance, having some irregularity with the concern
that furnishes electricity, just to get some Of
their intelligent courtesy.
Tabe-Ta of Tiger Tuesday, Dulcines and Vivienne
D. Yes, got your invitation, but l could not
make out the date: your handwriting is just like
chcken-tracks.
r. T. l suppose you it IS hengrsved
D. Yes went to the concert and sat in the top
gallery. You know, music always sounds better the
farther you ere from the stage.
" ! always sit downstairs on the right: the
nearer the trombone, the sweeter the meat
D. Yes business is simply awful under this sd
ministration.
T. T. Why in the cotton and wooden towns of
New England it takes ten mills TO make a cent
V Well, they will find way out; necessity is
father of the man. 7. 1.
an one Of the girls high schools-or aren't
they" writes a high school girls mother, "the
deep breathing exercises consist Of this Twice 3
week the class assemblies, and two whole, deep
breaths are taken-no more, no less. The windows
are not opened but the girls made to face the
windows, absorbing the air through mental sugges-
ton" Well, the modern high school methods over
emphasize the Importance Of physical training One
deep breath would do just as well.
Speaking-though The Tribune didn't invite US to
contribute TO the endorsement of Mr.. Grantland
Rice whose favorite dessert is gred oranges with
maple syrup-as a member Of the League of Ameri-
can Wheelmen, we desire TO state that Mr. Rices
articles on cycling are as good snybodys ever
have read.
The Tribunes sporting page refers 70 him as
"Wild Bill" Donovan; Mr.. Haywood Broun calls him
"Wildp Bill Donovan. Why not Wild Bill Donovan
Among our guesses for the 1918 baseball season
is one that the New York American team will be
called the Yanks.