New-York tribune., 1915-02-21
EMBARRASSING MOMENTS
Confined fran r1ys

received bv me ON that somewhat ncrvOu
occasion If he will send me a poSto'tic,
order for the amount received by him the
evening after.
EMBARRASSNlENTS Of less poigrar.
IL character frequently arise in the matte.
Of unexpected calls for service, for which tH.
public generally assumes the pa''Drr
speaker % be necessarily always prepared
but for which as a matter Of fact no amoun-
Of preparation could adequately ft any mar
built ON the OId-ia-Hiyncd plan IN respect q.
his nervous organization One of these al
fairs came into my experience "a decade ago
when, crossing the Atlantic Ocean on Yn.
Of those high-rollcr ocean grcyhound.. / Ha.
drafted bv an OvcrZcalOuS committee o. r.
rangcmcnt- ~ preside over one ~ those ir
promptu entertainments got up on -r,.
board for the benefit OF the WldOW- tr
orphans Of those who 60 down into The -..
in ships. To these more than worthy enter
priscs gratitude for benefits received las
always made me a willing contribute .r-
% participate in them has ever been rial
I would rather lecture before the innate 4
of a deaf and dumb asylum.
The company aboard a transat,a~'.. liner
IS always. 10 say the least, mike iu The
matter Of nationality; and, while one nigh.
be willing TO make a stab at being witty
before a gathering all English, all French.
all German. or Pau-Amcriran, voc Nc unto
him who yaiugloriOuSly attacks the rl,iblos
Of multitude made up Of all thc-, widely
VARYING racial elements, Their standards
Of humor are a. widely diycrgcu. as ar
their several racial strains, and u." might
a. well try 20 sit on four stools a. once with
perfect COmpOSurc a. expect 20 md the
~Chair" under such conditions comfortable.
One has % acQuicscc in such demands. hOR.
ever. or be set down as dlSagrcca le. and
when the committee approached me IN the
matter they received a much reader Yes
than | really wished 20 give them.
THE night came, and found mg elt al the
l. head table in the dining saloon working
for dear life 70 keep the thing going There
was a pretty slim array Of talcn'. and iron
one end Of the program 20 the other there was
nobody 20 hang a really good joke On, even
if had had one 20 hang. \ chairman can
ALWAYS be faCctiOus al the expense Of dis
,ing,iished people like Chaunccy ST. Depew
Henry lanes, or Mr.. Caruso, and -ge, away
with it.: but the obscure amateur cannot
be handled with brutal impuni'y think
| NAV say tru,hfully that no man ever
worked harder at the pumps Of q sinking
ship than | did that night And 'Y make
matters worse there was q hcayr rolling sea
on. and, while | never suffer from .ea-l.s-
ness. the combination Of motion and ne-.c/
made me uncomfor'ably conscious a. au Il
surgcnt midst as | forged hOr.eslv ahead
Finally, however. there came q -i,' IN the
cloud Of my despair \ pleasant ,,''lc cock.
ncv ballad singer who was coming over 90
America for a season in vaudeville goun-
teered 70 sing a ballad. II Wa Te.. sung,
and most pathetic. Il depicted III dramatic
fashion the delirium OF an old British ye'-
eran. who, as the hour Of death approached
him. was fighting over again in fancy the
battles Of his youth. The refrain Of the bal
lad was. Bring NE the oid Martini, and / shall
die IN beace!-referring Of course % the rife
that for a period Of years up 70 1890 had
been the official weapon Of Tommy Atkins.
| made the most Of 50 obvious a lead. and
before introducing the next number Oh rhe
program thanked the singer for his dramatic
rendering Of so fine a story.
But, my friends, said |, that ballad
saddens me in more respects than one. |
have long believed in international brother.
hood. In common with my friend Conan
Dovle and others who have advocated he