Metropolis weekly gazette. (Metropolis, Ill.) 1???-19??, 1915-05-28
jaxman Had Got Rid of That
Kind of Trouble.
But, Even Then, Circumstances Wers
Such That He Was Not SatIsasA--
Dlsconsolate Bridegroom hze
Tale of Woe.

the host, and Jaxman, who was down
for the week end. went to the billiard
room. At eight Highly was yawning
behind his hand. BY nine he was walk
ing In his sleep.
"Egadl" said Jaxman dryly, as he
put his cue in the rack, you became
domesticated in a hurry. didn't your"
Il don't know what is the matter
with me tonight" apologized Highly.
trying to suppress another yawn.
you have been kept up beyond your
usual bedtime" declared Jaxman.
when there's no company, I'll wager
you curl up ON the hearth rug and go
to sleep as soon as you've had your
dinner"
Highly grinned sheepishly. Doing
behind his paper in a chair was not
very different from that
Il can remember the PERIOD" unused
Jaxman, when you complained be-
cause daylight always broke up the
revels before you got sleepy"
THE sting of a hilarious night" re-
fiected Highly. lies in the tail end of
it. You can get by with lots of things
In the dark. But when daylight comes,
you can no longer fool yourself about
how rotten you feel"
Hear, heart" jeered Jaxman. And
you've been married just three months.
II I thought that matrimony would
have such soporific effect on me, I'd
shut my eyes. hold my nose and take
dose Of 1t. Nothing else seems to
help this confounded insomnia OF
mine"
Marriage is the best little sleeping
powder on the MARKET" chuckled Hig-
by. and it's easy and pleasant to take.
You must remember. however, that 1t
doesn't come with a money -back-if-it-
fails.to-cure guaranty"
Just then pretty Mrs. Highly came
In, and the utter peace and content
ment visible in the sleepy eyes of her
husband irritated Jaxman so that he
went 10 his room presently. At two
o'clock Jaxman sat up in bed with
smothered exclamation that should
never be used In a Sunday paper.
There are s.767, $40. 1856 sheep In the
world" he bitterly announced. I've
counted them jumping over a fence.
I've listened to water dripping until
the earth must be inundated. I've lain
on my stomach, stood on my head and
hung by my toes from the footboard
and still I can't sleep" A heavy bass
snore floated over the transom.
And there's old Hig sleeping like
like a married man. Egadl" muttered
Jaxman, Il wonder II there Is anything
in that? There must be. Ashley.
Beckwith. Potter and the rest all be-
gan to act that way as soon as they
got into double harness. BY Joyel
I'll try IT, I'd better be a married man
than a dead one"
Jaxman soon discovered that falling
In love was easier than falling OF the
water wagon. Whenever he seemed TO
have stopped tumbling. Betty led him
to an elevated spot and gave him
look that made him dizzy-headed. II
that failed. she kicked his feet from
under him. She had long been sorry
for the poor, lonely bachelor and was
glad OF the chance to help him.
Where shall we spend our honey
moon. lover" asked yaxman. when all
else had been decided.
Palm Beach" replied Betty prompt
ly.
"oh, not there. dear" he protested.
II was thinking OF a bungalow in some
quiet place, where I could have you
all to myself"
Il want you all to myself. too"
cooed Betty. stopping his mouth with
her soft cheek. But wouldn't It be
pity to let all my handsome clothes
mildew in bungalow in some quiet
placer"
Two months after the wedding Jax-
man. wearing hunted expression and
considerably less than his normal
avoirdupois. arrived at Higby's. Hide
me, Highly" he begged. IF anyone
calls me on the phone. say that am
not here"
Didn't the matrimonial insomnia
cure work." asked Highly, shocked at
his friends worn appearance.
within two weeks l would fall
asleep in my chair before eight
O'clock" answered Jaxman.
'Then what"
Betty wouldn't let me sleep"
the disconsolate bridegroom. "She
had made her debut only a month be-
fore we were married, and she wanted
to do society. I've been to dinner,
dance. theater party or something OF
the kind every night since the we'd
ding"
The poor fellows head dropped for
ward, his eyes closed, and his words
came thickly. Even II the medicine
cures = you-may-be-sor -.
took--it"
At last he slept.-Judge.