Audubon County journal. (Exira, Iowa) 1884-1993, 1915-04-29
THE VILLAGE
POSTMASTER
By M. QUAD
Copyright, LAYS, by the Mcclure
Newspaper Syndicate.
By M. QUAD

AT IuSC IL USED TO make me nervous
and give me trouble. but it's bin goin'
on so long that I'm gettin' used to do
it. AS regular as clockwork every
Monday mornin' Peter Jones calls at
the postofice and leads me into a cor
ner and whispers:
Cube Pike, you are postmaster of
Podunk and in touch with the govern
ment. Anything comm from you goes.
D'you know what's on foot to smash
the United States all to sn!inters?"
No"
You'd never dream it. lube. You'd
never suspect it. L only c.lught on by
the merest accident. Come closer
D'you know what Abner Joslyn Is
goin' to do IL he don't git nominated
fur the legislature? I've got it as
straight as q ten foot pole. He's goin'
to bolt, sir; goin' over to the other par
ty and take Silas Comfort and Joe
Harrison with him. Yes, sir; that's
the plot and plan. and you kin Judge
what the results will be. Well be
knocked colder'n a wedge. Move, sir;
move without moments delay. Jest
sit right down and get letter off to
Washington and tell them what's up.
Tell them not to take chances or waste
time. I think Silas and Joe can be
bought of. but the squar' must be ar
rested and chained hand and foot till
the danger Is over"
Tuesday is Deacon Taylors day.
Along about II o'clock he comes in and
inquiries II clotheslines are still bein'
made the usual length and then raps
on the counter and says:
Cube Pike. this government Is stand
In on the verge Of chasm and don't
know it It's fur you to save US from a
gigantic catastrophe"
whats wrong. deaconT' I asks.
Don't talk SO; loud The town Of
Podunk is full of spies. lube, you
know Moses Carter, of course. You
know that when he didn't get the
nominashun fur constable two years
ago he went out Of politics and didn't
give red cent who was elected or de-
feated. He's bin layin' low. sir: bin
playin' possum and thinks the time
has come now. He's bin readin' up
and gettin' fggers together, and he's
comm out with a statement that the
tariff rates hev shut up seven differ
ent cooper shops in this county alone
in the last four years. Think of that,
Jube. fur thunderclapv'
But what we goin' to do?''
ut depends upon you. sir, and If
was in your boots. holdin' down
postofice at S26.5O year and in touch
with the government, it wouldn't take
me ten minutes to get a dispatch to
Washington They ought to be noti-
fed at once. 1t ought to be put to
them mighty strong Remember it's up
to you" he said as he went out
| Wednesday | can allus look for ia
cob Warner. Jacob had a brother
scalped by Indians in 1868. and he
wrote a letter to General Grant in 1872.
and he's accounted purity big man
about Podunk. He's allus been wantin'
| to run for supervisor. but has some
how allus got left He's still wantin'
and comes in on Wednesdays and
hangs around fur spell and then
says:
lube, I've known you goin' on twen-
ty-eight years, and I'm the last one to
take the bread out of your MOUTH
/ Anything up?" asks.
"Thar is. sir. and don't you forgit it.
Yes. sir, thar's sumthin' up. and Wash
ington can't hear Of 1t any too soon!
I'll talk to you as would to no other
man in Podunk. because feel as II
l kin trust you. lube, do you know
that thar is one man In this town that
can bust the whole United States
higher than Gilderoy's kite just max
In one speech?"
mo, is 1t possibler' says l.
TITS just this way" he says. as he
drops his voice to a whisper. ''You
write to Washington and tell them
thar's danger ahead, and the awfulest
kind Of danger. Tell them that thars
a man In Podunk who has worked fur
the party night and day fur the last
twenty years and has got no thanks
fur It. That man has contributed ev-
cry liberty pole for the last ten years.
He's argued and jawed and At fur the
party. He's even called his own brother
a liar fur sayin' that taxes was too
high. lube. such faithfulness deserves
a reward-virtue is goin' to triumph as
usual. but If not
| Don't get excited. jacob
I'm not gittin' excited. lube, but II
you and the rest Of the government
wants to avert catastrophe you'll get
your heads together mighty quick and
see that the right thing is DONE"
Next day / count on Philetus Blue
fields shown up. Philetus had a
great-grandfather killed in Havana by
the fall Of hogshead of sugar, and
since he's become of age he's been
pressin' claim for $4,000 damages.
He says:
Look here, sir Pm either goin' to
have that money or thar'll be the aw-
fullest row in this kentry anybody ever
heard of! I'm as quiet as hen up to a
i IN, noint h11f rbo,, va, vol. -.