davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Ely miner., 1915-05-14
GAY! Did you ever take your life In
- your right hand and go shopping
with

GAY! Did you ever take your life II
- your right hand and go shopping
with your wife?
| tried it the other day and I've beer
hearing voices ever since.
When say shopping" don't NEAR
that simple everyday gag of bursting
suddenly in upon the sleepy floor
walker in a delicatessen parlor anG
with languid elbows leaning over the
remnants of once beautiful cheese
while he cruelty separates four kip
pered herring from the bosom of a
large and loving family.
Nix--i mean Big League shopping
mean that kind of shopping that
women go in training for two weeks
In advance; high-class, expert shop
ping, where important money changes
hands; the kind of shopping that
wives look forward to with dreamy
eyes and live ever after on the memo
ries; the shopping that sweeps a hus-
band OFF his feet and makes him long
TO be dusky-hued postmaster in No.
township, Samoan Islands, where
and money is myth.
John" said Peaches. the other
morning, Il want you to go to the
ssores with me today. have lot of
shopping TO do and you can be such
help to me, because"
Wait minute. friend Wife"
broke in. What have I done that
you should wish such a calamity on
me? Tell me to go out and get for my
personal use an attack of inflamma-
tory rheumatism and I'll do so; ask
me to try to catch a street car at the
corner Of Broadway and Fifty-third
Street and I'll work hard at the Job
up to the time murderous taxicab
climbs rly front elevation and mains
me for life-but don't, Oh! wife,
don't ask me to go shopping with
you!"
"Nonsense!" she gurgled Il can't
go alone, can |? And, besides, you
must help me select two new gowns
at the Eaison de Splash must have
at least two, mustn't L? And from
there Wen go to Ginkstein and Boob
heimer's, where | want to get a hat |
must have something chic to take |
of In the theaters. mustn't I?-And |
then Wen spend an hour in Gorgon-
saia Brothers. where | can pick out
the set of furs you promised me for
Christmas, and then well go to Cam
embert's for some gloves | need, and
then"
Help! Throw me anything! Don't
you see I'm sinking!
The answer is l went-and live to
prattle about It,
You know. this shopping gag brings
out more prominently than anything
else the fact that the high cost of liv-
ing is caused by living high at any
cost
The ancient Greeks had a saying,
HE spends his money like drunken
sailor" and that goes for seventy-five
out of hundred today.
The majority of the boobs give
The Ely miner., 1915-05-14

speedily ran the $50 into fat sum
When the Braves landed the National
league flag Jake had good stake, but
SAID nothing about his winnings.
IL was something like a 100 to shot
that the Braves would not take four
straight from the Athletics, but Jake
grabbed all the alluring bets that were
onered. He stood to lose every cent
ne mad accumulated, but luck was with
MIN all the way, and when the series
ended he had $4,000 to his credit at
the bank.
he felt deep gratitude to Connolly
Tor making his fortune possible, and
gave him check for $4,000. Connol-
ly did not know what to make of it,
ana consulted Stallings, who told him
it was all right.
The Ely miner., 1915-05-14
He Couldn't Lose.

A lady in Los Angeles decided
whether she would bring divorce pro.
ceedings or not by boiling an egg.
Some of the eggs were hard and some
soft. If she drew hard one she was
to sue. If her egg was soft she was
to remain unhappy and married. She
drew the hard egg. Any husband who
was given an even break like tns.
with an egg and divorce ought to be
glad to abide by the consequences. He
would win if he lost-and he did.
The Ely miner., 1915-05-14
BIG RETURNS ON SMALL LOAN
Joe Connolly Receives $4,000 for $50
Advanced to Semi-Pro Player
Who Bet on Boston.

Renewed agitation against gam.
bling at ball parks and on the results
OF games has brought out story by
a Chicago sporting celebrity, who
quotes Frank Schultz as his authority.
He says young semi-professional
player named Jake, who hung around
the Boston Braves clubhouse, bor-
rowed $50 from Joe Connolly very
soon after July 4, when the Braves
made their wonderful spurt
AS soon as he got the loan, Jake
started betting on every game in
which James and Rudolph pitched. He
The Ely miner., 1915-05-14
Often So.

OFTEN So.
What are the Smiths going to name
their new baby?"
Ch, Mrs. Smith says she is going
70 thlnk long time over it, and get
something striking and unusual to go
with Smith,"
Three months later-"There goes
MRS. Smith. wheeling little John in
a go-cart."
The Ely miner., 1915-05-14

| NOIIS OfMo
| DIAMOND
| Detroit fans are raving about tbe
work of their second baseman, Pep
Young.
Bunny Brief has shown so far that
he can hit ball about as far as any.
one in the game
Fred Clarke is reported as giving
MS Pirate batters special drilling in
the art of hitting southpaws.
Norman ("Kind') ElberfieId, former
Yankee, has signed up for another
year with the Chattanooga club.
Matt 7. Stradford of BIRMINGHAM
has been named secretary of the
Southern league by President Baugh.
Stallings says that he is depending
on Rudolph, James and Tyler to do the
pitching for the Braves again this
year.
The veteran Pug Bennett has drawn
his unconditional release from the
vancouver club of the Northwestern
league.
Harry Niles, who was once one of
the feetest members of the st. Louis
Browns, is now with Mike Kelly's st.
Paul sluggers.
Pitcher Rufus Molly and Catcher
Harry Haight battery considered
good enough to stick with Fort Worth
last year, have been released.
Marty OToole is said to be showing |
something of his old self with the Co.
lumbus American association team |
and talking of getting back into the
majors.
Branch Hickey has resumed his
VI udily COulSE6ucG Win the
Browns and begins the work each day
with half-hour session of talk in his
hotel room.
The Memphis club of the Southern
league has insured it's players for
$4,000 under one of those baseball
accident policies that are popular in
The majors
President Henry Berry of the San
francisco club has again pledged him.
self to have new ball park ready for
Seal fans before the opening of the
-916 season.
Bobby Stow won the second base
OBJ with Fort Worth, but Joe Kneaves
'eing too valuable man to let go, Man.
ger Nance decided to transfer him ia
bird base, thus letting Ray Jansen
ut
Speaker. Lewis, and Hooper. out
elders of the Red Sox, present sin.
ular coincidence. Each is twenty.
even years old and their BIRTHDAYS
ONE within three or four days of eacn
ther.
The Ely miner., 1915-05-14


hams Vegetable Compound. After taxi
ing the third bottle of the Compound I
was able to do my housewurk and TODAY
| am strong and healthy again. I will
answer letters if anyone wishes to know
about my case. Mrs. JOSEPH AsELN.
COS Fourth Avenue, Minneapolis, MINI.
Lydia e. Pinkham's Vegetable Com.
pound, made from native roots and
herbs, contains no narcotics or harmful
drugs, and today holds the record Of
being the most successful remedy We
know for woman 8 ills. IF you need such
q medicine why don't you try it?
If you have the slightest douba
that Lydia Il. Pinkham's Vegeta.
BILE Compound will help you,write
toLydia aE.Pinkham Medicine Co.
(confidentiaD Lynn, Mass, for ad-
vice. Your letter wiH be opened.
read and answered by a woman,
and held in strict confidence.
The Ely miner., 1915-05-14
The Reply Truthful,

lrate Father-How is it, sir, that
hnd you kissing NY daughter? How Is
It, sir?
Brave Youth-G-eat, great!
The Ely miner., 1915-05-14
after SUFFERING
TWO LONG YEARS.
Mrs. Aselin Was Restored to
Health by Lydia e. Pink
hams Vegetable
Compound.
Minneapolis, Minn.-seAfter nay little
one was born I was sick with r,aina in

| my alces which the
doctors said were
caused by irldarnnna-
ton. I suffered .
great deal every
month handgrew very
thin. Iwasunder the
doctors care for two
long years without
any benefit. Finally
after repeated sug-
gestions to try It we
got Lydia e. Pink
The Ely miner., 1915-05-14
Most city folks admire country re,a.
tives For visiting purposes only.
Drink OenIson's Coffee.
Always pure and delicious.
Immortal Utteranee

MT. Haberdash (preparing an after
dinner speech) Emily, whe was Il
said: Give me liberty. or give me
death?
Mrs. MISUNDERSTANDING Thaw!
The Ely miner., 1915-05-14
Easily Told.

i see many women serve at the
front disguised as soldiers. without be-
ing detected"
Seems strange, too"
Yes; I've seen many women dis
guised as soldiers in comic operas, bat
never one that couldn't detect.
Louisville Courier-Journal.
The Ely miner., 1915-05-14

Bunny Brief has shown so far that
ae can hit ball about as far as any
one in the game.
The Ely miner., 1915-05-14
NOTES OfMe
DIAMOND

Detroit fans are raving about the
work of their second baseman, Pep"
Young.
The Ely miner., 1915-05-14

Fred Clarke is reported as giving
his Pirate batters special drilling in
the art of hitting southpaws.
The Ely miner., 1915-05-14

Norman ("Kind') ElberfieId. former
Yankee, has signed up for another
year with the Chattanooga club.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1915-02-05
FINE GIFT FOR HOSPITAL.

The following was taken from the o.
wego, N. Y, Daily Times, under date OF
February l. Mr.. Chase has so many
frinds here where he lived until recently,
that we are glad to have them know of
the splendid thing that he did for the
hospital. BY the article following it is
shown what the need has been and how
appreciative the ones in charge must
feel:
The board of trustees Of the Oswego
hospital have received an offer of 81 600
from Benjamin +. Chase, formerly dis.
trict attorney OF Oswego county, and
more recently of Paw Paw. Mich, to
buy al X ray machine and necessary ac-
cessories for the hospital. 1t is believed
that this generous gift will be accepted
Immediately and the X ray outfit will be
purchased and installed very shortly.
Ii there was any one thing that the
hospital needed greatly but which, with
its large expenses it did not feel that it
could purchase, it was a suitable X ray
outfit. Mr. Chase's gift is, therefore,
particularly timely and acceptable. Mr..
Chase makes this gift as memorial for
himself and for his wife, Mrs. Frances
Holbrook Chase, who died recently.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1915-02-05
o. p. SMITH.

Orson P. Smith, aged 70 years, who
has lived for many years in the vicinity
of Paw, died at his home last Sunday
after an illness of a number of months.
He had been sick during the greater
part OF the winter, but was so be was
able to be about until few days ago
when he was taken with an attack of la
grippe and died from the affects of it.
Mr.. Smith was born 10 Clarendon, N.
T., January l, 1915. In 865 he came to
Michigan aud settled on farm west Of
Paw Paw. 10 1867 be was married to
Miss Lucina Swick, who was the mother
OF three sons, two OF whom survive the
father.
In 1887 Mr.. Smith was again married
to Miss Nancy Palmer. who died 10 1909.
leaving one daughter, Mrs. Dennis Mid.
daugh.
The funeral was on Wednesday.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1915-02-05

length of freight trains to so cars
It was introduced at the request OF
trainmen who claim that when a
string Of cars exceeding so in num-
Der, of coupled up. that the work be-
comes more than they can accomplish
with safety.
The drvs in the legislature have
taken another fling at their old enemy
the Michigan BONDING company by
Introducing bill which, If 1t becomes
n law, will wipe out the MONOPOLY that
this concern now has in handling So
loon bonds. Senator John Damon OF
Mt. Pleasant, has also introduced An
anti-liuuor measure. Under the pro-
visions of his bill no liquor could be
sold within a five mile radius of any
city. town OF village. in which Is To-
Gated a state educational institution.
Senator Damon has also introduced
a bill compelling lodges, churches,
theaters and schools to install venti-
lating systems.
Senator John Paul has placed him
self on record by introducing bill
which would increase the pay OF all
county supervisors. The bill provides
for an increase>of from SO to So per
day while the supervisors are in ses-
sion.
Rep. Culver has discovered that the
bill passed at the last session, under
which a commission was created to
revise the statutes of the state, and
TO advise with the legislature concern
ing laws to this end. will apparently
allow the members of the commission
to draw $25 per diem whenever the
legislature is in session. He is ac-
cordingly introduced a bill cutting of
this pay for sessions following the
regular session OF 1915.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1915-02-05
ALBERT HENRY NASH.

The news OF the death OF one of Paw
Paws citizens was reported early Tues
day morning. Mr. Nash had been i'll
for two weeks but was expected by his
friends toe recover until last Sunday
when he lapsed into a state Of uncon.
seriousness from which be never rallied
and died at l: 30 o'clock Sunday morning.
Mr.. Nash, at the time of his death
was at the home of his nephew, Lynn
Nash. He was II years of age. He
leaves four brothers-Engene and G. "
OF Allegan, Q. M. Nash of Grand Rap.
inds and Ed Nash of this place. Mr..
Nash was member of the G. A. r.
The funeral will be held at the home
OF Lynn Nash, Saturday afternoon al
100 O'Clock.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1915-02-05
OBITUARY
MRS. ROSANNA HUBERT

Rosanna Convey. daughter OF Almon
and Ruth Convey was born October IL,
1912. in Waverly township, at what is
known as Covey Hill, aud departed this
life January rs. 1915, aged ~ years,
months and IA DAYS, being the sixth
child in a family oil. twelve. She was
united in marriage September "a, 1865,
to Nathan Hubert of Paw Paw town.
ship soon after his return from the Civil
war, Immediately going to housekeeping
on the farm in Giddenburg, which has
since been their home. On July IL,
1906, she was called to mourn the death
of her husband They we're the parents
of nine children, seven OF whom are iv-
ing-Mrs Carrie Colby of Gliddenburg,
Mrs. Susie Smith Of Paw Paw, Mrs. Ev-
elyn Buys of Gliddenburg. Mrs. Blanche
Smith of Bloomingdale, Chester of Law
renee. and Emory and Nina Hubert OF
Gliddenburg, who. with nine grand-chil-
dren and two brothers, Luther and Enos
Convey OF Goblesvllle mourn theslOss of
devoted mother, loving grandmother,
and kind aud faithful sister. At the
age OF IA years Mrs. Hubert accepted
the christian faith and has ever been
faithful to the trust, ever looking to
Jesus for help in time of trouble and
sorrow.
Weep rot that her toll is over,
Weep not that her race is run;
God grant we may rest as calmly
When our life, like hers, is done.
Til then we yield with gladness
Our mother to Him to keep,
Aud rejoice IN the sweet assurance
"He giveth His beloved Sleep"
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1915-02-05
CLUB COMMITTEES.

The following are the various commit
tees OF the Paw Paw Commercial club
for the ensuing year:
Public Affairs-General and Local
Legislation-T. J. Cavanaugh, q. E.
Warner, M. l.. Decker.
Public Improvements-H. L. Mcneil
T.. G. Young, David Anderson.
Health and Recreation-W. +. Hoyt
w G. Y. Ferguson, G. K. Beattie.
Organiza.ion-Mem bership-Neil g.
Engel, l.. T.. Griffith. w F. Emery.
Finance-E. M. Bailey, w. j. Warner,
b. B. McKinstry.
Entertainment-F. N. Wakeman, r.
A. Racette.
Business Developments-Tran
tion-G. e. Prater, q w Longwell, Jr.
w. G. Wildey.
Industries-E. b. Lougwell, G. T.,
Warner, r. K Cooley.
Retail Business and Harmony Among
Mercantile Concerns-Frank Sherrod
F. r. Avery, A. w Showerman.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1915-02-05
Card of Thanks.

We wish to extend to all our neigh
bors and friends, each and every one,
especially the people of Gliddenburg, and
Steeple school, for their kindness and
help during our trouble occasoned by
the sickness and death of our daughter.
recently. The flowers we're much an.
preciated.
Mr.. AND MRS. e. II. RoUsH
AND FAMILY.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1915-02-05
MEMS CLUB MEETING.

The Methodist Brotherhood had a
splendid social time at their meeting
last Wednesday evening at the church
parlors. A debate was one of the fea.
lures and was greatly enjoyed. There
we're about 80 men present and a great
deal Of enthusiasm was manifest in the
organization. The debate was the main
entertainment. Speakers were chosen
by Messrs. Arthur Num- and Paul
Neale, who led the debate, and six for
the affirmative and as many on the neg
alive went after the question, Reso!ved:
That New High School Building and
an Auditorium is the need of Paw Paw.
1t was a lively discussion, and MANY
new thoughts were presented by some
Ct the youngsters that had not been
thought Of by their elders, which, never
the less, set them thinking. which is a
good thing to do when there is need OF
wits. The affirmative side was winner.
We have not heard, however, when the
cornerstone will be laid.
Prof. Robertson was one OF the speak
ers as was also j. M. Brown, who is a
new member, and both had many help.
full suggestions to make for the benefit
Of the young people.
Next week the Brotherhood will hold
a banquet at the church parlors at 800
o'clock for the members and their wives,
after which there will be free lecture
at the church by DR.. j. w. Sheehan,
pastor of one of the largest churches in
st. Joseph The lecture will begin at
eight o'clock and it is hoped that there
will be a large attendance.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1915-02-05
MRS. GEORGE CARR.

Mrs. George Carr, who has been very
III OF pneumonia far the past few weeks,
died at her home Monday morning. She
had held her own so long against great
odds in the disease that it was hoped
that she would pull through it and re.
cover, but her heart failed and she passed
away. 1t is sad death on account of
two little children being left without their
mother. The husband also survives
Mrs Carr belonged to the Rebekah lodge.
the members Of which attended her
funeral on Thursday afternoon at one
O'Clock. The burial WAS at Gobleville.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1915-02-05

THE trouble with this world, Ragg.
sy," said Weary Walker, "is just here.
In Central America bananas grow
wild, but there amt no markit for
'em. Up here, where there is markit
for 'em, they don't grow wild. What
nacher wants to do to help the work
In man is to have things grow wild
where there's markit for them
things"
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1915-02-05

We offer One Hundred Dollars
Reward for any case of Catarrh
that cannot be cured by Halls
Catarrh Cure.
F.. ]. CHENEY e. CO.. Toledo. O..
We. the undersigned. have known +. j.
Cheney for the last Is years. and believe
him perfectly honorable In all business
transactions and financially able to carry
out any obligations made by his firm.
NATIONAL BANK OF COMMERCE.
Toledo, o.
Halls Catarrh Cure is taken internally.
acting directly upon the blood and mu-
cous surfaces OF the system. Testimonials
sent free. Price 70 cents per bottle. Sold
by all Druggists.
Take Halls Family Pills for constipation.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1915-02-05
Gard of Thanks.

We would thank all those who so
kindly offered or assisted in any way at
the death and burial OF our dear mother,
also for the beautiful floral tribute. Els.
pecially do we thank Mr. and Mrs. Lake
The HUBERT CHILDREN.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1915-02-05
Card of Thanks.

We wish to thank our friends who so
kindly assisted US in any way during
our recent bereavement, caused by the
loss OF our son.
Earnest Crawford and Family.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1915-02-05
salary of the commissioner.

Under this measure, which was in
PRODUCED by Rep. Wells, the name of
the dairy and food department would
be changed to the Department of
Foods and Markets" and would have
the power to investigate the quality
and cost Of food, marketing, shipping
packing and transportation methods
as well as to assist consumers in the
formation Of cooperative purchasing
leagues. The commissioner Is also
directed to assist and advise in the
work of locating and arranging pub
lie markets and to cause the estab-
lishment O. auction markets. All auc-
uoneers shall be licensed and bonded
and must sell farm produce upon a
commission basis at a rate which will
be fixed by the department
The bill also provides that the COM
mission must keep In touch with the
market conditions in other state, must
establish buying and selling agencies
where 1t is necessary and must pub
lish weekly bulletins giving market
quotations. The salary Of the COM
missioner would be increased 81 600.
IL passed, the measure goes into effect
June Is. 1t carries a $4,000 appro-
priation.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1915-02-05

""es S'o tHou8Ut OF TItms
Servant-"What was the name of
the gentleman that had room IA last
week, mum-the gentleman that stole
the overcoat and bolted?" Landlady
please don't refer to him as a gen.
tleman, Janetl"--Chicago News.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1915-02-05
Abolish State Department.

If Senator O'Dell has his way the
Office Of fl 4 and game warden will be
abolished and the work of the depart
ment placed in the hands Of the pub
lie domain commission.
Senator O'Dell points to the fact
that the legislature of 1913 abolished
the office of land commissioner, plac-
ing the work under the supervision
OF the public domain commission,
and he declares that inasmuch as this
body has supreme power over state
reserves and has men in practically
all parts of the state, it can easily
do the work which the game and fish
warden's men are doing, although
1t will, of course, need more assistance
that it can muster from it's present
employees.
1t is not believed that Governor
Ferris and his democratic friends
will look on this measure with any de-
gree Of favor, inasmuch as it would
shake from the tree one of the finest
plums that the governor will be able
to offer democratic office seekers. The
fish and game warden's department
has always been choice job, because
II carried with it large number of
deputyships. To wipe 1t out now
would leave many democrats unsatis-
fed.
New Auto Tax Measure.
Rep. Newell Smith has introduced
a bill similar to the Bricker-Smith bill
passed two years ago and later kill
ed by the supreme court. The new
measure provides a tax of % cents
on each horsepower and an additional
tax Of % cents for every 100 pounds
Of the machine. Rep. Smith thinks
this is more equitable than to assess
the auto owner so cents per horse
power, with no consideration what
ever for the weight Of his machine.
Keep Japs Out.
Rep. Marshall Oakley, of Bay City,
has introduced an alien land bill de-
signed to keep the Japs out OF Michi-
gan. The bill proposes to hermit JAMS
and Chinese to lease lands for a per.
iod not exceeding three years, but are
prohibited from becoming property
owners. In case that land shall be
left to either Jap or Chinaman, the
bequest will be escheated in the form
now prescribed by law, the money
turned over to the allen, and the land
turned back to the state.
New measures introduced are num-
erous, in fact bills have begun to flow
into the legislative hopper with some
thing resembling their old time fire.
Quency. One measure would limit the
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1915-02-05
Holding Up Prohibition Bill.

After a conference with heads of
the anti-saloon league Senator Straight
decided to hold up his bill submitting
the question Of state wide prohibi-
ton to the electors. While the anti
saloon league had not opposed the
Straight measure openly it is no Sc
cret that the heads of the league have
frowned upon it. They asked Mr..
Straight to hold his measure up for
one month while they sounded out
the sentiment of the people and the
member of the upper house consented.
cd