Virginia free press. (Charlestown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1832-1916, 1915-09-02

AnSlG -Ak kAlAAAN VI kAkN- AAYGA1 ia
the world. Any schoolchild viii name
them for you; they each have their
peculiarities poems and songs have
been written about many of them
they vary greatly in size. temper and
wetness~-but of them all the most
remarkable is the Missouri, i've.
that rises early, away up in the Rocky
mountains of Montana, tumbles out
of its bed frequently on its way down,
takes a side-step when you least ex<
pect it, plays hide-and-seek with the
landscape, dabbles in real estate all
the way along, goes into politics
whenever it gets a chance, picks UP
state lines and makes off with them,
rearranges the geography of the
country, and behaves all the time with
| the caprice of woman. Such is the
Missouri river to those who know i,
best.
] At last accounts the Missouri was
still located in the United States, but
it was trying to cross over into Canada
and empty itself into Hudson bay
The biographies state that the Mis-
souri, empties into the Mississippi !;
this shows how little respect for truth
the geographers have they mean well,
but they have never seen the Missouri
river at the place where it "empties
INTO" the Mississippi Why, the Ms
souri, river has travelled almost $1,000
miles before it "empties into" the So
called Father of Waters" and it IS
navigable for $500 miles above thu,
point
We have all heard the Story of the
way Pat Caught Tarter." Pat was
lin battle with the Turks and shouted
that he had Caught Tarter." His
companions cried out to him to bring
him along" II can't" said Pat. "Then
come along with him responded his
friends. "Begorra, | wish / could,
but he won't let me-" was Pats wall
Mississippi about the way Pat caught
a Tarter
The Mississippi is ladylks, placid
stream that glides along gracefully
without going out of its way or doing
anything to make the people talk bu
after it meets the Missouri it simply
passes out of existence. Where il
goes to, no one knows, but it is abb
surd to say that the Missouri that
great, tawny, clustering flood, with
. 5000 miles of "past" to its credit, or
discredit--"em pties into it. The
Mississippi is a beautiful, clear stream,
whereas the Missouri is the color OF
boarding house coffee, only more 50
below where these two come togetne:
the water is still muddy and continues
so to the Gulf Of Mexico, which rroves
! conclusively that it is the Mississ pr
that runs into the Missouri, and no
the other way, as the books all say. !.
The Missouri is the most discomfort
ed river in the world il is harder t
please in the matter of beds than
travelling man. Often it will get up
and leave its bed in the night and 20
and settle down in new place gen
orally selecting some farmers best
ileld for the purpose.
You may live on the banks Of tn
Missouri and tonight retire to res
thinking how convenient it is thus to
be situated on a large naviga BILE river
land when you get ur in the NON
in5 and go down to the river for a
pail of water to chop up for break
fast you find it isn't there; it has
vamoosed between. shutdown and sun.
up, and you will have to wait for the
papers before you can find out where
| it has gone.
Yes, the Missouri is muddy, though
muddy is no name for it, the water
is SO thick that often it cracks in
working its way round asharp bend
Even in very wet seasons the water
IN the Missouri is Comparatively dry.
People who fall in seldom drown
they are more likely to break lca
| in trying to swim out.
! A peck of mud is often found in &
glass OF Missouri river water ler
standing over night. Bricks are cas-
! lily made by cutting the water up into
chunks of the right size. 1t takes al
knack to drink Missouri river water
as you feel that something is needed
to wash it down; many prefer to eat
/ it with fork.
/ The Missouri has played hob with
state boundaries. MANY min hus
rome to bed living in Iowa, and TIL,
next morning he has found himself
living in Nebraska, on account of the
river jumping round his house in til
night. Quite little section of Coun
Gil Bluffs, Ia, was left over on tn,
Nebraska side awhile ago and added
to Omaha in this way 1t keeps tax
collectors, census takers, etc, busy
watching the antics of the river and
making their records agree.
/ - ~ tAAooOdlA 10 NCIy IOlQ OIL rdit.
roads, and it often eats. up miles o
them in few hours. 1t also likes
i farms, and if a man goes away from
home for while. it is 10 chances to
one that on his return he will fini h.
land gone down the Missouri--swal-
lowed UP by this Unsuitable river. On
the other hand, sometimes the rive
brings down lot of fine soil and
gives it to a poor man who has only.
small farm, thus making him rich.
All of this shows that the Missouri
/ river is not to be depended upon. It
loves to do the unexpected. For a
time it will behave itself and people
will begin to think it's going to settle
down for good--but then it will back
slide and 60 off on the rampage again
1t is really unsafe for truthful,
fperson to say anything about the Mis-
souri,, for like as not the river will
70 and lay him in lie the very next
day. 1t may even be that some OF
the statements made in this biogranh,
will thus no longer be true by the
time they are in print But the writer
has tried to state the actual, bald
i T.