The Lakeland evening telegram. (Lakeland, Fla.) 1911-1922, 1915-09-21
Colonel Bunker
By M. QUAD
Copyright, 1915. by the Mcclure
Newspaper Syndicate.

Colonel Bunker, which was the stran-
gest duel ever fought. sOf the fifteen
or twenty think that two might come
under the head of strange.
"Majah Blazer and l were friends
and neighbors and had been for years.
Not q word of discord had ever passed
between U.S. He had cat and had
dog, and they were also friends.
Zone morning the majah came into
my Office and called out:
Colonel, tell your dawg that II he
will come over he may have look at
them
"'What is 1t, majahT
"'Our old cat has Kittens
"'You don't say. How many Of
themY
"'Just twenty -one. sub
"'You counted them yourself. did
your
"'Colonel. do you question my state
ment?
"'Not at ALL major; but twenty-one
kittens in a litter is certainly a won
derful thing
"'It may be, sub. and-good morning.
suhr
And, sub, it wasn't an hour before
he sent friend to me to arrange a
, duel l had seemed to doubt his verac-
ity, and he must clear his honah.
agree with you that it was silly. but
men were mighty peppery in those
days. The majah's wife came and
begged that l refuse the challenge, but
at the same time she couldn't show
me how l could do it and maintain my
honah asked her the number of kit
tens and was not at all surprised to
learn that the number was only four.
The explanation was that the ma
! 1ah's wife had been canning strawber-
ries. and in speaking of it to him she
gave the number of the cans as twenty
one
We'll, sub, the choice Of weapons
lay with me, and | chose swords. A
week before that while out for walk
l crossed the dueling ground. and l OBJ
served that close by in a fence corner
was bumblebees' nest. We were to
meet at sunrise, which is very I'M
comfortable hour, by the bye. and the
night before l had confidential talk
with colored brother.
THE night passed, and the morning
came. was first on the ground, and
had time to see that the colored broth
er was up in the part he was to play On
| my word. the majah knew no mo- about
| sword play than Laplander could
have had him out In one minute, but l
did not want that. l gave the colored
brother the nod, and he stirred up the
bees through the fence with a pole.
| They came out of the grass by the hun
dred. and ! alone saw them in time to
get away.
But the bees, subtitle bees! Those
! men left behind were a sight to see
when the insects got through with
them. All of them had to be led home,
and not one Of them got out Of the
house for a fortnight As for the ma
jah. when he could get out he came to
the office to say:
"'Colonel, have bad news for your
dawg.'
"'What is itY
| Every kitten is dead
| Sho. That's too bad.
"'And the shelf fell down and broke
all the fruit jars
"'Too bad. too bad
land you take notice, sub, we didn't
get the kittens and the jars mixed
up"
At this juncture Colonel Bunker re-
] marked that he would tell the story Of
another duel.
Captain Seaton was my good friend
and had been for years One evening
as we sat on the veranda of his house.
smoking our pipes and saying little. he
carelessly observed:
"It's wonder those grasshoppers
can keep that noise up the way they
do
"'You mean crickets, captain cor.
rected.
81 mean what l meant he snapped.
well. there we were." said the colo
nel-"there we were. 1t made no diff.
ference whatever to either one Of us
whether it was cricket, grasshopper
or an owl singing, but there are times
when the best of men are attacked by
what may be called fool perversity.
We sulked for Ave minutes, and then
said:
"'Captain, the songs Of those crickets
are not so unpleasant after ALL
"'iou mean the songs Of those grass
hOppers, suh,' he replied.
'Cricketsr
'Grasshoppersr
"'Colonel Bunker, my friend will wait
on you and arranged
THE sooner the better, suhr
And within an hour his friend came
and duel was arranged for sunrise.
You may say we were a couple Of
idiots. sub, but In those dayy mans
honah was held to be sacred thing. II
l was out walking with a gentleman
and remarked that there was a ring
around the moon and be replied that he
couldn't see 1t. honah required that
send him challenge.
And. sub. perhaps there was neither
moon nor ring showing.
I'VE were on the field and the dis
lance was being paced OF when bull
dog got after drove Of mules out at
pasture. and the mules got after us. All
hands were driven up trees. and as we
roasted fifteen feet high one of the Sec
onds called out:
Gentlemen. | don't think II was
either crickets or grasshoppersr
Then whatg
Tree toadsr
And we descended and shook hands.
and the duel was OF. suh-and tho
duel was orr