The Lynden tribune. [volume] (Lynden, Wash.) 1908-current, 1915-09-02
who puts the irony into life

| AFTER tnlS, perhaps because OF SdteO
curiosity, perhaps on account of pin
famine. the attendance began to Ian
guish. Only four responded to the next
call of the band. The four dwin
died to three; finally the entertainment
was given for one blase auditor, and
Schofeld & Williams looked depress-
ed. Then followed an interval when
the band played In vain.
About 8 o'clock Schofield & VIII
liams We're gloomily discussing yari-
Gus unpromising devices for startling
the public into a renewal Of interest.
when another patron unexpectedly ap-
peared and paid cent for his admis-
sion. News of the Big Show and Mu.
scum or Curiosities had at last pene-
trated the far, cold spaces of interstel-
lar niceness, for this new patron con-
sisted of no less than Roderick Mays
worth Bits, Jr., escaped in white
sailor suit from the manor during a
period OF severe maternal and tutorial
preoccupation.
He seated himself without parley,
and the pufformance was offered for
his entertainment with admirable con-
scientiousness. True to the Lady Clara
caste and training, Roderick's pale, fat
face expressed nothing except an i'm
pervious superiority and, as he sat,
cold and unimpressed upon the front
bench. like large, white lump, 1t must
| be said that he made a discouraging
audience Ito play to-" He was not,
however. unresponsive-far from 1t.
He offered comment very chilling to
the warm grandiloquence Of the orator.
That's my Uncle Ethelbert's dachs-
hund." he remarked at the beginning
Of the lecture. You better take him
back If you don't want to get arrest
ed" And when Penrod, rather uneasi-
Iy ignoring the interruption. proceeded
to the exploitation Of the genuine,
full blooded Indian dog, Duke, why
don't you try to give that old dog
away?" asked Roderiek. You couldn't
sell him."
MY papa would buy me lots better
coon than that" was the information
volunteered little later, ''Only |
wouldn't want the nasty old thing!'
Herman of the missing finger obtain
ed no greater indulgence. "Pooh!"
said Roderick. I'VE have two fox ter
riers In our stables that took prizes at
the kennel show, and their tails were
bit off. There's a man that always
bites fox terriers tails off,"
"Oh. my gosh. what lie!" exclaim
ed Sam Williams ignorantly. go on
with the show, whether he likes it or
not, Penrod. He's paid his money"
verman. confident in his own singu-
lar powers, chuckled openly at the
failure of the other attractions to
charm the frosty visitor, and when his
turn came poured forth torrent Of
conversation which was straightway
damned.
"Rotten!" said Mr.. Bits languidly.
Anybody could talk like that. l could
do it If l wanted to-"
verman paused suddenly.
"Yes. you couldv' exclaimed Penrod.
stung. Lets hear you do 1t then"
"Yessir!" the other partner shouted
Let's just hear you do it!'
II said l could II l wanted to-" re-
sponded Roderick. II didn't say |
would"
"Yay! Knows he can't!' sneered
Sam.
Il can, too, If try"
well, let's hear you try"
50 challenged. the visitor did try,
but In the absence of an impartial
! jury his effort was considered so pro
nounced a failure that he was howled
down. derided and Knocked with great
clamors.
Anyway" said Roderick when
things had quieted down. IF l couldn't
get up better show than this I'd sell
out and leave town."
Not having enough presence of mind
to inquire what he would sell out. his
adversaries replied with mere formless
yells Of scorn.
II could get up a better show than
this with my left hand" Roderick as
serted.
well. what would you have in your
ole show?" asked Penrod. condescend-
Ing to language.
That's all right what I'd have. I'd
have enough"
"You couldn't get Herman and Yer
man in your ole show"
NO. and l wouldn't want 'em, ell
ther."
"well, what would you have?" insist
ed Penrod derisively. you'd have to
have sumpthing. You couldn't be a
show yourself"
How do you know" This was but
meandering while waiting for ideas
and evoked another yell.
you think you could be a show all
by yourself?' demanded Penrod.
How do you know couldn'tT
Two white boys and two black boys
shrieked their scorn of the boaster.
81 could too!' Roderick raised his
voice to a sudden howl. obtaining a
hearing.
We'll, why don't you tell us howT
well, know how. all right" said
Roderick. IF anybody asks you you
can just tell him I know how. all
right"
why. you can't do anything" Sam
began argumentatively. You talk
about being a show all by yourself.
What could you try to do? Show US