davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1915-09-30

healthy children since. For female trou-
bles always take Lydia E. Pinkham's
Vegetable Compound and it works like
8 charm. ] do allmy own work. = Mrs.
A. F. KREAMER, 1874 Electric Avenue,
Lsckawanna, N. Y.
The success of Lydia E. Pinkham's
Vegetable Compound, made from roots
and herbs, is unparalleled. 1t nay be
used with perfect confidence by women
who suffer from displacements. infam-
nation, liberation, tumors, irregularities.
periodic pains, backache, bearing-down
feeling, fatuIency, d:gestion, dizziness.
or nervous prostration. Lydia E. Pink
ham Vegetable Compound is the stan
dard remedy for female ills.
Women who suffer from those dis
tressing ills peculiar to their sex should
be convinced of the ability of Lydia E.
Pinkham's Vegetable Compound to re-
store their health by the many genuine
and truthful testimonials we are con-
stantly publishing in the newspapers.
IL ron want special advice write to
Lydia E. Pinkham Medicine Co. (confl-
dentiaD Lynn, Mass. Your letter will
be opened, read and answered by 3
woman and held in strict confidence.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1915-09-30
The BaIkv RaIkSns

Allan R. Hawley, president of the
Aero club, was talking in New York
about the Balkans.
THE allies need have no fear about
the Balkan situation" he said. Ger
many wooed Italy and got left. She is
now woOing the Balkans but in vain.
The Balkans will answer Germany
as the pretty girl answered the old
banker.
Could you be happy with a man
like me?' an old banker quavered on
a white beach.
" Yes, perhaps, the girl answered.
If he wasn't too much like you"
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1915-09-30

I kept getting worse. My limbs from
my ankles to my knees sweIled and
my eyes were so swollen that I
couldn't see. AS a last hope I thought
I would give Dodd's Kidney Pills a
trial. I gradually improved and kept
on taking them and they cured me
thoroughly"
Dodd's Kidney Pills, soc per box at
your dealer or Dodd's Medicine Co.,
Buffalo, N. Y. Dodd's Dyspepsia Tab
let's for Indigestion have been proved.
SOC per box.-Adv.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1915-09-30
~ SNAUUE.2
81 81 - 5zgzA{::z| ID
VERY CAREFUL.

Did you break anything today.
Norah?" asked the lady of the house.
No. ma'am," was the reply.
''Nothing?''
mo. ma'am."
Are you sure you didn't break
single thing?"
Yes, ma'am."
Not even one Of the command
ments, Norah?"
"Oh, well, ma'am, I wouldn't be
wicked enough to call a commandment
a thing, ma'am."
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1915-09-30
Couldn't Tell

Saturday afternoon woman
rushed up to one of the gatemen at
the South station and asked:
VIII have time to catch my train
if l wait for my husband?"
Where is he?" said the gateman.
I don't know" she replied.
Well, neither do l." said the gate
man.
She walked away. The incident was
closed.-Boston Record.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1915-09-30
stickinu to His Prediction.

Two workmen met in the street and
stopped to chat about their friends.
Casey seems to be doing well where
be is. remarked one presently.
Hell not stop long at that job" re-
piled the other with a gloomy shake of
the head.
Why not? He seems to be quite
comfortably placed"
But he'll not stay there a month
| say it, and I've said it ever since he
got that job eighteen months ago"
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1915-09-30
Ernnf Positive

The liquor dealer had just filed a
bill against the estate.
What is it for?" asked the execu-
tor.
For whisky furnished the de-
ceased" replied the dealer. "Will it
be necessary for me to swear to the
ACCOUNT"
ooh, no." answered the executor.
'The fact that he is dead is sufficient
proof that he got the whisky all
right
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1915-09-30

Charles W. Eliot, formerly president
of Harvard. in q delightful ESSAY on
The Happy Life. says he has been
told that one of the greatest known
pleasures comes to people who share
in part-singing. All singers can verify
the truth of this statement. Part
singing brings wonderful exhilara.
ton, rare exaltation of spirit.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1915-09-30

width at the wrist. There are other
evening coats that have round Vic
torian tops of sealskin, with all the
edges outlined with ten inches of
sealskin. AS for 1aring fur redingotes
that's another chapter.
Copyright by the Mcclure Newspaper
SyndiCate)
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1915-09-30
Extra Precautions,

The Debutante-A young man wants
me to send him my picture. Would
that be proper?
The Older Gne-Why not?
The Perhaps, to be on
the safe side, I'd better inclose one of
my chaperon as weIl.-Puck.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1915-09-30
His Extreme TactfuIness

You have been observing our little
boy all the evening, Mr.. Gloom" said
Popjoy. Now, can you tell US what
he is very likely to become when he
grows up?" Yes, if you can stand
the shocki" replied ]. Fuller Gloom,
who has a bright though evil mind
Kansas City Star.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1915-09-30
Quite So-

Bad luck sort Of breaks the mo-
notony of the grind. anyhow"
How so?"
1T is one Of the few things in life
that comes to you without your going
after it.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1915-09-30
The Ninety and Nine Per Cent.

You used to refer to your wife as
your better half"
q haze revised my fractions" re-
piled Mr.. Meekton. q don't feel as
if I represented more than one per
cent of the combination"
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1915-09-30

Son." said the father of a husky
sophomore.
Yes, dad"
isn't old Dan Bresher's boy a fresh
man at Gadkins this year?
Sure he is. I've waIloped him doz-
ems of times"
Keep it up, son; old Dan Bresher
made things pretty warm for me when
was a freshman at Gadkins."
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1915-09-30
Anticipated Him.

Census Man-3ow old are you,
madam?
Lady-Twenty-fve
c. NJ. (gallantly)-You could easily
say you were five years younger than
you are.
Lob, I've done that already.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1915-09-30

have been blessed
with good health ever
since my cure. When
the doctors pTOnOun-
ced my case BTight's
Disease I was in such
a serious condition
that they could not
do ANYTHING for mo
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1915-09-30
He Had No More 70 SAY

Griggs-That new leighbor of ours
must be a very happy woman. She
goes about the house singing all day
long.
Mrs. GTiggs-Well, why shouldn't
she be happy? She's a widow.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1915-09-30
Get BUSY

Mr.. Bacon-The public debt of Aus
tralia averages 1878 for every man.
woman and child in the country; that
Of the United States is only 81 for
each person"
Mrs. Bacon-There! | told you we
were way behind the timesi"
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1915-09-30
Sijcht Scare

Her Fether-Young man, Go you
ever play poker?
The S1itor-W ell-er-that-is-
Her Father-Oh. never mind about
al excuse. II you play. say SO. and
ven have a quiet little game.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1915-09-30
Bio7es' Luck.

Blobbs-Bjones is the most unlucky
fellow at cards ever met.
Slobbs-Then I suppose he is lucky
in love?
Blobbs-I suppose so. At any rate.
he has never been married.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1915-09-30
An unhannv CIiAnt

Prisoner, have you anything to
say?"
Only this. your honor. I'd be mighty
sorry if tn young lawyer you assigned
to me was ever called upon TO defend
an innocent man
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1915-09-30
Spoke Too Plainly.

Ned-Do you believe in the language
of flowers?
Ted-To be sure The last ones I
sent Miss ChaTmer tell me III have to
do without smoking for a month
Town Topics.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1915-09-30
ONLY Fair.

do I understand you to say" asked
the judge, that his remarks were acri-
monious?"
NO, judge, your honor, I didn't say
that. I said he just swore at me.
amt a-goin' to claim that he done
what he didn't do"
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1915-09-30

Scribbler-Why, that novelist makes
a habit of rewriting stories and pass
ing them off as his own. He's lit
erary crook.
Quibbler-A sort Of ''secoDd-story
man." Ell?
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1915-09-30
Loves ProuresS,

Knicker-How can you tell how long
they have been married?
Bocker-By whether she wants him
to stop smoking to save his health, his
money or the curtains.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1915-09-30
In the EariY Morn,

Singleton-That baby of yours is
getting to be quite big chap.
WederIy-Well, I guess yes. When
have to walk the floor with him
nights he gains about two pounds a
minute.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1915-09-30

Heiny-Queer thing about girls.
isn't it?
Loberts-What's queer about them?
Heiry-They don't kiss each other
as much when there are men around
to witness the performance.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1915-09-30
[ atfinc in Elias

Your husband is rather stout"
weighs over 800 pounds. He's a
pest in summertime"
How SOP"
Takes him too long to get through
a screen door,"
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1915-09-30
Wall of a Dyspeptic

Il used to think how I'd wine and
dine to my hearts content when l got
rich"
And do you, now that you are
rich?"
Alas, no! I can only dine and
whine"
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1915-09-30
His ReprisaI,

Doctor-Why have you deducted a
quarter from my bill?
Patient-That is for the six cigars
you broke when you thumped my
chest.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1915-09-30
Only a Void.

Here's auothah great chess playah
whose brain has gone wrong. I am
glad I nevah took up the game"
But in your case, Percy, I'm quite
sure there would be nothing to go
wrong"
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1915-09-30

Patience-Why did Wagner write
such terribly loud music. do you sup
poser
Patrice-Oh, guess his wife was
deaf and he did It to annoy her.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1915-09-30
Of Course Paw Knew.

Little LemueI-Say. paw, why does
the camel have a hump?
Paw-The camel has q hump, son,
so he-eT-won't be mistaken for a
mule.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1915-09-30
Not the Same

Are you going to have any oscu-
iatory entertainment at the party?"
"Oh, nothin' so grand as all that.
Just a few old-fashioned kissing
games"
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1915-09-30

Now here's another mighty truth
Though it's a shame TO say it;
Your temper you must lose, foTsooth,
Before you can display it.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1915-09-30
Quite NJ aturaI,

81 don't like your new acquaintance
He has such a pushing way about
him.
"Oh, he's all right That pushing
way comes from his owning a rolling
chair stand"
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1915-09-30
DailV THOUGHT.

A great part of the happiness of life
consists not in fighting battles, but in
avoiding them. A mastery retreat is
IN itself Yictory.-Longfe
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1915-09-30
In the HospitaI.

That policeman who has just come
in has professional affection
What might it be?"
He has a couple of felons on his
hands"
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1915-09-30
Sure Thinu.

Il am going to name my yacht Ru-
NOR"
'Why?"
Because if there's anything in a
name she's sure to keep afioat"
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1915-09-30
CURED OF BRlGHTs DISEASE.

Mrs. A. L. Crawford, Medfeld,
Mass, writes: "Dodd's Kidney Pills
cured me Of Bright's Disease, and
am healthy and strong to-day ana
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1915-09-30

could not stand on
my feet My sister
in-law wished me to
try Lydia E. Pink
hams We G e table
Compound and my
nerves became firm,
appetite good, step
elastic, and / 10 s t
that weak, tir e d
feeling. That was
six years ago and l
have had three fine
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1915-09-30
Plated Underskirts.

With the underskirts accordion plat
mgs have come back again-an admir-
able treatment for Nnderskfrts WI ieh
give freedom Of movement
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1915-09-30
A LiVinu.

Smythe-He made a living by going
from bad to worse.
Smithe-How could he do that?
Smythe-He was a doctor.-Gar-
goyle.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1915-09-30
When all others fail to please
Try Denison's Coffee.

If you are fixed for life the insurance
agent will fix you for death.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1915-09-30

An elephant has more muscles in
its trunk than any other creature has
in its entire body.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1915-09-30
Quintessence of collaboration

she is terribly conceited."
How so?"
why she believes what her press
agent says of her"
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1915-09-30

A champion lasts only five or six
Y ars. but a bore often outIives his
generation.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1915-09-30
Not Bit Artificial at That.

The Girl-Oh, do love nature so!
The Farmer-Yes, miss; she's just
as natural around here as any place
I know of.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1915-09-30
Their Wav.

In the West formerly they had
quite telephone way Of handling
men who dealt in stolen horses"
How was it telephonic?"
They hung up the receiver"
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1915-09-30
Yea, VerilyI

Men and measures" is a term
That drops from many a lip:
But the willy waiter measures
A man from tip TO tip.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1915-09-30

Joined together at the normal or
slightly lower waist line, this joining
covered by belt or sash. A yoke
sometimes appears in the back, some
times in front. Sometimes as many
as four pockets appear on a coat. and
they are also used on belts Smock-
ing and hand embroidery trims wee
coats, and braids and buttons trim all
coats. Krimmer, beaver, otter, seal,
mole, chinchilla, squirrel, ermine and
coney, as well as velvet in plain coIors
and novelty stripes and checks, are
used for collars, cuffs and other trim
mings.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1915-09-30
How, II Hannened

The Venus of Milo explained.
Wore 'em off with wrist watches, -
she cried.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1915-09-30
WAS MISERABLE
COULDN'T STAND
Testifies She Was Restored
to Health by Lydia E.
Pinkham's Vegetable
Compound.

Lackawanna, n. Y" After my first
child was born felt very miserable and
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1915-09-30
The Simple Life.
years old. -

If you are drawing nine per week,
It is up to you to scrimp;
But you can live the simple life,
Because your pay is simp.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1915-09-30
About the Fancy Boot.

A light and fanciful boot or shoe de-
mands elegance and daintiness in the
whole toilet associated with it. More
over, it must be fresh, shapely, immac-
ulate. The wear and soil that are toll
cradle and can be easily hidden in the
serviceable black or russell leather or
in white canvas or buckskin are not
permissible in the dress shoe or boot.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1915-09-30
When all others fail to please
Try Denison's Coffee.

Sentiment that is paraded generally
is artificial.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1915-09-30
Important 70 hnntharn
War lime Nntn

Jack, is it hard to float alone?"
ITO float a loan? Almost impossible
these days"
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1915-09-30

Labor itself is a pleasure.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1915-09-30
Her Guess

!, I've done that already.
Evening journal., 1915-08-31
Only Dodgers and Braves Seem
Left in Chase for National
League HOaers

With FIVE months of the season
about passed into history and the
Phillies still refusing to "phal," it
begins to look as if Pat Soran's
malletiers were speeded to the much
ly coveted title of champions of the
National League Not that the Quakers
the offspring of the Sons of Swat
who first introduced the national pas
time to the sleepy eyed Philadelphia
"phans," as yet have a strangle hold
on the honors. but they have a irmer
grip than any other club chasing them
and the flag at one and the same time.
Mathematically five of the eight
clubs in the league can be counted
out of the race right now, leaving
only Brooklyn and Boston TO contend
with the Phillies for the rest of the
journey. And by the same process
the job can be made to look so hard
for the Dodgers and Braves that II
seems utterly impossible that the
Phillies will be overhauled. Figures
tell the truth, however. in all cases
except when reasoning out the hap
penings of a baseball race, as history
will attest
However, no better argument seems
presentable Just at present than a
comparison of chances on the basis
of "fifty-ffty" break for the Phil
lies, although that club is travelling
right now at a clip much in excess
of this. And, just to give the Phil
lies their just dues, it seems only
fair also to compare the eight clubs
on the basis that the Phillies will
continue for the next month as they
have gone through the last FIVE
months.
Other Clubs Have Task.
Should the Phillies win half Of
the forty games they have still to
play they will finish the season with
/ eighty-four games won. seventy lost
and a percentage of .545. Although
this will be the smallest number os
games ever won by championship
club. yet II means that every other
team to beat the Phillies. will have
to win oftener than has been done
at any time this season by any club
in the league.
With Brooklyn the closest conten.
der just at present. it is first to he
compared Should the Phillies finish
with .545, then Brooklyn. which has
only thirty-three more games to play
will have to win twenty Of these
contests in order to finish the season
with a percentage of 552, which Is
necessary to put the Phillies out of
the running That means the Dodg-
ers must play the rest of the season
at a 500 average. which seems ask
ing too much of a team heretofore
unable TO win much more than half
of their games.
Last year the Braves won about five
out of every six of their contests
Evening journal., 1915-08-31
EDEN CLUB PICK UPS

Downes deserved to down Vandever
on Saturday but the fates we're against
him.
Edens protest Of the Saturday game
was the first since they have been
playing. but the boys have q reason.
Spike Dugan wires the writer that
he is Akron. Ohio. meeting with much
success.
Harry Grant drove out the first hit,
scoring Goldstein The boy is getting
his bingles every game.
The club will hold a smoker in the
near future.
Stony August. the peerless little
leader of the Eden Club. held Downos
in fine style, saving him from many a
miahap
Wright and Goldstein played their
usual good game.
Friday night will be nomination
night for the club officers. Managers
for the football and the basketball
teams will be nominated.