davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Metropolis weekly gazette. (Metropolis, Ill.) 1???-19??, 1915-10-15
THING THAT MIGHT HAPPEN
skepties, However, VIII Want Affida-
vii That Old College chums Took
Only One Drink.

well. of all things that live and
breathe. II 1t isn't my old college
chum, Bill Edworthyl"
With these few well-chosen words. a
tall. well-built young fellow slapped
another w. B. Y. F. in the small Of
his back with such q resounding
whAck as to almost put his lights out.
Even a blind baggage car could see
that the young men were old college
ehums.
Ding my Stats" said Bill Edworthy,
the young man who had been struck;
If It isn't Harry Allison, the stroke
oar of the class of umpty-steen. Well,
II you aren't good sight for tangled
lamps"
Why" continued Henry. 1T must
be 'steen years since | met you at the
last alumni dinner. How's things?"
Fine. Say, do you remember the
night when we got Lit up and came
down with the chickenpox?"
Sure do. Sort of stewed chicken
pox. Well, I've got about five min
utes to spare. Let's drop into this
cafe and have just one drink"
So the two college chums who had
not met in so many eyars sided into
Dinkeldorfer's cafe and Hank give his
order and Bill said Make 1t ditto
The bartender did that little thing for
them. They had one drink and Bill
said good-by to Hank and Hank said
good-by to Bill.
Just one little drink, and each went
his way.
Metropolis weekly gazette. (Metropolis, Ill.) 1???-19??, 1915-10-15

I kept getting worse. My limbs from
my ankles to my knees swelled and
my eyes were 30 swollen that /
couldn't see. AS a last hope thought
I would give Dodd's Kidney Pills
trial. l gradually improved and kept
on taking them and they cured me
thoroughly"
Dodd's Kidney Pills. SOC per box at
your dealer or Dodd's Medicine Co.,
Buffalo. n. Y. Dodd's Dyspepsia Tab
lets for Indigestion have been proved.
SOC per box.-Adv.
Metropolis weekly gazette. (Metropolis, Ill.) 1???-19??, 1915-10-15
Had Used Them.

Look here" said a lodger to his
landlady, your daughter has been
using my comb and brush again"
Il beg your pardon" said the land
lady. Indignantly. II never allow my
children to NEEDLE with my dodgers
belongings In any way"
But | am sure she has been using
them." said the ledger, for there are
long black hairs on them. and she is
the only person with black hair in the
house."
"Oh, now remember; she did have
them to comb and brush our dear old
POODLE" said the landlady; but | am
quite sure she did not use them for
herself-she's too honest to be guilty
Of that sort of thing"
Metropolis weekly gazette. (Metropolis, Ill.) 1???-19??, 1915-10-15
A verlsable Solomon.

How is It," asked tho young man.
that OF all the people who come to
you for advice. none ever appear TO
go away dissatisfed?"
at is probably because am stu
dent OF human nature" answered the
shelbyvIlle sage. when a man comes
to me for advice. proceed to find out
what kind he wants, and then give 1t
to him."
Metropolis weekly gazette. (Metropolis, Ill.) 1???-19??, 1915-10-15
Ealr Rut Not Fare.

what line are you on now?' asked
the fair maid In the parlor scene, of
her admirer. who CHANGED to be q
street car conductor.
Just at present" replied the regis
ter manipulation. as he slid toward the
other end of the sofa and his arm
stole around her waist. I'm on the
Belt line"
Metropolis weekly gazette. (Metropolis, Ill.) 1???-19??, 1915-10-15
Prepared to Obey Orders.

Tickets, sir, please" said an inspec-
tor at one of the local railway stations
to gentleman who. as season-ticket
holder for some time, believed his
face was SO well known that there
was no need for him to show his
ticket.
my face is my ticket" replied the
gentleman, greatly annoyed.
Indeed said the inspector. roll.
ing back his wristband. and displaying
a powerful wrist. my orders are to
punch all ticketsl"
Metropolis weekly gazette. (Metropolis, Ill.) 1???-19??, 1915-10-15
The AaarIeyed Pedestrian.

"Confound Chugson. The stiff
necked upstart!"
why, he bowed politely to you
when he passed Just now In his motor
car"
"Surel Bowed and then put on
speed before i could ask him for a
lift"
Metropolis weekly gazette. (Metropolis, Ill.) 1???-19??, 1915-10-15
Honeful Future.

TO ten you the truth" sald the
man who is ostentafIously cheerful.
the hotter the climate II the better !
like f."
Il envy you and your caimncss OF
mind" replied the sardonic person.
and trust. for your own comfort. that
your ideas of future punishment are
strictly orthodox"
Metropolis weekly gazette. (Metropolis, Ill.) 1???-19??, 1915-10-15
ONLY A FEW PIMPLEs
But Many More May Como II You
Neglect Them. Try Cuticura Free.

Cuticura Soap and Ointment are
most effective In clearing the skin OF
plmples. blackheads. redness, rough
ness. itching and irritation as well as
freeing tho scalp of dandruff. dryness
and itching. besides satisfying every
want OF the toilet and nursery.
Sample each free by mail with Book.
Address postcard. Cutlcura, Dept. <.
Boston. Sold everywhere.--Adv.
Metropolis weekly gazette. (Metropolis, Ill.) 1???-19??, 1915-10-15
Leading the Life.

Guess we have time to play another
game of pool"
Wont your wife scold about keep
ing dinner waiting?"
mo. think I'd better allow her
a little leeway about dinner. | just
saw her scudding by with a bridge
prize under one arm and can OF
soup under the other"
Metropolis weekly gazette. (Metropolis, Ill.) 1???-19??, 1915-10-15
Tho Eternal Feminine.

Pretty Daughter-Papa. I'd Ike TO
give . party next week.
Papa-Why. my dear. you gave one
only last week. DO you think II neces-
aary 10 entertain your friends 70
often?
Pretty Daughter-But this In not to
entertain my friends. It's TO snub my
enemies.
Metropolis weekly gazette. (Metropolis, Ill.) 1???-19??, 1915-10-15

coulu not stand on
my feet My sister
in-law wished me to
try Lydia E. Pink
hams Vegetable
Compound and my
nerves became firm,
appetite good, step
elastic, and | 10 ) {
that weak, tir e d
feeling. That was
six years ago and l
have had three fine
Metropolis weekly gazette. (Metropolis, Ill.) 1???-19??, 1915-10-15

Father" said the small boy.
couldn't George Washington tell a
ale7.'
THAT statement has been seriously
made. my son
well. what did he do when his
folks had unexpected company and he
was told to nay he didn't want any pie
: for dcascrt7s
Metropolis weekly gazette. (Metropolis, Ill.) 1???-19??, 1915-10-15

have been blessed
with good health ever
since my cure. When
the doctors pronoun-
ced my case Bright's
Disease I was In such
q serious condition
that they could not
do ANYTHING for ma
Metropolis weekly gazette. (Metropolis, Ill.) 1???-19??, 1915-10-15

NO. | didn't como up TO business
yesterday" said the stout man in the
corner OF the carriage "The last of
my daughters was getting married 80
had 10 give her away"
Really Who was the happy mani"
inquired a polite fellow passenger.
Il was" said the parent en-
phaticaIiy.
Metropolis weekly gazette. (Metropolis, Ill.) 1???-19??, 1915-10-15
Just the Thlna.

Here's o news item says the United
States is TO turn out a submarine
which can travel $500 miles and cross
the ocean twice on one supply Of fuel.
II Ia the Ga"
I'D call a submarine like that the
Gee Whizl"
Metropolis weekly gazette. (Metropolis, Ill.) 1???-19??, 1915-10-15
A Vain vsarn.

1--WE must be nice to my rich uncle
He may leave US some money. He says
that he yearns for slice OF home
made bread"
That's easy" responded the young
wife. "Our baker sells It"
Metropolis weekly gazette. (Metropolis, Ill.) 1???-19??, 1915-10-15
senslble Father.

what you must do. son. 10 to lay
the foundation for solid business
success"
That's my idea. dad. Now. first OF
all. | require sound financial backing"
Il get you. son. I'll provide car
fare until you land job"
Metropolis weekly gazette. (Metropolis, Ill.) 1???-19??, 1915-10-15

Little Bobbie listened with deep In
terest 10 the story OF the Prodigal Son.
At the end OF II he burst into tears.
"why, what's the matter. Bobbie?"
exclaimed his mother.
"I'm--I'm sorry for that poor Ill
ca-alf," he sobbed. "IIe didn't do nut.
fn!"
Metropolis weekly gazette. (Metropolis, Ill.) 1???-19??, 1915-10-15
Last Corn Land
Southeast Missouri Reclaimed Lands

the only remaining large body of undeveopd land the
United States
Land that will double triple and quaduple price just
day follows night Good land will in the future
has the past does at the present command the highest
price $4,000 good rich auyia cuoye bottom land
both undraned level the Illinois prairie rich
the Valley of the Nile; rocks hills gmbo but mellow
sandy loan SOIL always works WELL short mild winters long
growing seasons abundant yields of all staple crops wheat
alfalfa clover timothy, peas potatoes Two
off of the land Land owned by neutrality-suspicious.
Lumber Company the largest hardwood manufacturers Mis-
souri, largest land Southeast Missouri Men who have
the last years sold 100000 of this kind OF
land 1000 different people, all of whom have made good
They orecosed purchaser taken back
of the property Sales from February first to Sept 20h 16043
acres separate and distinct people Can you beat t In
up 1917 cash, 10 annual nsaments with 90
interest Warranty Deed backed by 100000 assets
the payment only 1917 in cash. Can you equal 3 Come see
land.
Write for full information and free map. Address Dept
nann
Metropolis weekly gazette. (Metropolis, Ill.) 1???-19??, 1915-10-15
His Answer.

did you ever go to a military ball?"
asked q lisping maid OF an army vet
eran.
mo. my dear" growled the old SOL
der. "In those days l once had a
military ball come to me. and. what do
you think? II took my leg on"
Metropolis weekly gazette. (Metropolis, Ill.) 1???-19??, 1915-10-15

Friend Intending 10 compliment)-
] heard somebody say the other day.
Nr. Naggs. that your wife was fine
conyersationaiist.
Naggs-she's nothing Of the sort.
Friend--Nol
Naegs--She hates conversation.
She's q monoiogist.
Metropolis weekly gazette. (Metropolis, Ill.) 1???-19??, 1915-10-15
What Mother Eve Missed.

THE thirst for strong drink" said
the man with the crimson beak, is
due to the original sin"
How do you figure that out?" asked
the party OF the dense part.
Il haven't time TO go into details.
answered he of the auburn nose, but
anyway strong drink Is good for snake
bltea"
Metropolis weekly gazette. (Metropolis, Ill.) 1???-19??, 1915-10-15
Where He Learned.

why, Willie, I'm surprised to hear
you use such language. You have
been playing with those naughty boys
again, haven't your"
Truly I haven't, mamma. | was
just over to Tommy Browns house
playing with the parrot his uncle sent
him from Chicago"
Metropolis weekly gazette. (Metropolis, Ill.) 1???-19??, 1915-10-15

"'one OF my daughters has tonsIlltls."
exclaimed Mr.. Growcher. "and the 9th
er has spralned her wrist"
That's hard luck"
Yea. Nothing seems 20 work out
the way it ought TO. The girl who
spralned her wrist sings. and the one
with q sore throat plays the piano"
Metropolis weekly gazette. (Metropolis, Ill.) 1???-19??, 1915-10-15
To Drive Out Malaria
And Build Up The System

Take the Old Standard GROVE 5
TASTELESS chill TONIC. You know
what you are taking as the formula is
printed on every label. showing it is
Ouinine and Iron in tasteless form. The
Quinine drives out malaria. the Iron
builds up the system so cents. Adv.
Metropolis weekly gazette. (Metropolis, Ill.) 1???-19??, 1915-10-15
Get Rusv-

Mr.. Bacon-The public debt OF Aus
tralia averages s27S for every man,
woman and child in the country; that
of the United States Is only s11 for
each person"
Mrs. Bacon-There! told you we
were way behind the times!"
Metropolis weekly gazette. (Metropolis, Ill.) 1???-19??, 1915-10-15

Business manager--WeIl. how many
orders did you get yesterday
Traveller got two orders In one
place.
d. M-That's the stunt What were
they?
Tone was 20 get out and the
other was 10 stay out.
Metropolis weekly gazette. (Metropolis, Ill.) 1???-19??, 1915-10-15
CURED OF sRIeHT's DISEASE.

Mrs. A. L. Crawford. Medfield.
Mass, writes: "Dodd's Kidney Pills
cured me of Bright's Disease, and
am healthy and strong today and
Metropolis weekly gazette. (Metropolis, Ill.) 1???-19??, 1915-10-15
An Old Observation-Disclosures.

THAT wife of mine is great one
for fads; her latest is firing china"
said the young married man.
THAT was one OF the first ones my
wife had" the older man said.
Metropolis weekly gazette. (Metropolis, Ill.) 1???-19??, 1915-10-15
Quite a Few.

II have Just been reading the Con.
stitution OF the United States"
"Well?"
"And was surprised 70 ind out
how many rights fellow really has"
Metropolis weekly gazette. (Metropolis, Ill.) 1???-19??, 1915-10-15
War Time Note.

Jack is it nard to float alone7'
ITO float loan? Almost impossible
these days"
Metropolis weekly gazette. (Metropolis, Ill.) 1???-19??, 1915-10-15

About all that can be said for Tug
Watts is that he saved Mrs. Watts
from being an old maid.
Metropolis weekly gazette. (Metropolis, Ill.) 1???-19??, 1915-10-15

1t is only after man has learned a
great deal that he begins to be hu-
INFLATED by his ignorance.
Metropolis weekly gazette. (Metropolis, Ill.) 1???-19??, 1915-10-15

Pocahontas seems to have been the
only thrifty Indian in history. She
saved Capt. John Smith.
Metropolis weekly gazette. (Metropolis, Ill.) 1???-19??, 1915-10-15
Clear Case.

Jack-Miss Oldgirl was explaining
today why she never got married.
Lulu suppose 1t didn't take her
long.
Metropolis weekly gazette. (Metropolis, Ill.) 1???-19??, 1915-10-15

A champion lasts only FIVE or six
years. but bore often outlives his
generation.
Metropolis weekly gazette. (Metropolis, Ill.) 1???-19??, 1915-10-15

An elephant has more muscles In
its trunk than any other creature has
in its entire body.
Metropolis weekly gazette. (Metropolis, Ill.) 1???-19??, 1915-10-15
Woman of Affairs.

rs she a woman of affairs?"
.'Yes-everybody's She's the neigh
borhood gossip.
Metropolis weekly gazette. (Metropolis, Ill.) 1???-19??, 1915-10-15

Unless you are a close relative, your
enthusiasm over the baby Ii simulated
for the occasion.
Metropolis weekly gazette. (Metropolis, Ill.) 1???-19??, 1915-10-15

1t is Eph Wiley's notion that no poor
man can afford to hold small set of
three.
Metropolis weekly gazette. (Metropolis, Ill.) 1???-19??, 1915-10-15
How Could They7

Zones never had thing to say
about that last fishing trip OF his. did
her"
INC. You see. he really caught a
lot of fish and he's afraid to tell any
one for fear they won't believe him.
Metropolis weekly gazette. (Metropolis, Ill.) 1???-19??, 1915-10-15

Marriage is the longest sentence
q Justice OF the peace can give.
Metropolis weekly gazette. (Metropolis, Ill.) 1???-19??, 1915-10-15

Sentiment that is paraded generally
fs artificial.
Metropolis weekly gazette. (Metropolis, Ill.) 1???-19??, 1915-10-15
Nc Cause for Alarm.
Ella-He says that he shall never

Omar-Death loves u shining mark.
they say.
Hazei--Oh. well. don't be uneasy.
You're not so brilliant
Metropolis weekly gazette. (Metropolis, Ill.) 1???-19??, 1915-10-15
WAS MISERABLE
COULDN'T STAND
Testifies She Was Restored
to Health by Lydia E.
Pinkham's Vegetable
Cornvo,,ud
Compound.

Lackawanna, N. Y. After my first
child was born felt very miserable and
Metropolis weekly gazette. (Metropolis, Ill.) 1???-19??, 1915-10-15
Imnorsant 10 Mothera

Examine carefully every bottle of
CASTORIA. a safe and sure remedy for
infants and children, and see that II
Signature s1 Of &ZzlZw
In Use For Over 80 Years.
Children Cry for Fletcher's Castoria
Metropolis weekly gazette. (Metropolis, Ill.) 1???-19??, 1915-10-15
Naturally

How was that cave mystery exhibi
tion?"
Nothing but a hollow mockery."
Metropolis weekly gazette. (Metropolis, Ill.) 1???-19??, 1915-10-15
Thouaht So.

Ihou9nt SO.
Does she approve of cosmetics?-
"She seems to lend countenance to
them. as far as can see."
The Meridian times. (Meridian, Idaho) 1909-1938, 1915-12-17
DRAIN GE WORK TO START

Within the next few days drain
age work in the Nampa &c Me-
ridian Irrigation district will be
started. On Tuesday Secretary Guy
remington received direct from the
United States reclamation headquar-
ters,H Washington the order to pro-
ceeq with the work. Mr.. Remington
stated Wednesday that one of the big
electric dredges is now at the head
OF the proposed main ditch north of
Nampa near the Boise river, ready to
begin operations immediately AT this
point the main lead from the Nampa
a Meridian territory is to empty into
the Mason creek drain of the Pio-
neer district and thence it is to empty
into the river.
In a short time a second dredge
Will begin excavation work north
west of Nampa. Two of the giant
dredges now released from work on
the Minidoka project will be brought
here to assist in Fastening the cut
ting of drains through the Nampa &
Meridian district.
Last winter the unusually hard
freeze made it impossible to operate
the dredges for nearly two months.
a similar delay is not anticipated this
winter. Ii good luck ensues, thhe run
ming of the bitches through Nampa
q Meridian territory will be COM
pleted next fall, Mr.. Remington pre-
diets. Start of the work has been
delayed some months now because of
litigation started by land holders of
the district who entered protest
against including all the territory
proposed. The matter was adjudicat-
ed in favor of the district officials in
district court at Caldwell, and on ap-
peal was also ratified by the state
supreme court a few weeks ago. This
decision satisfied the authorities al
Washington and the order to &c
ahead with the work results.
The Meridian times. (Meridian, Idaho) 1909-1938, 1915-12-17
Scarlet Fever.
x,asoxs ELECT OFFICERS

The Meridian lodge OF A. +. q =.
M. elected officers Tuesday night 70
serve for the ensuing year and the in=
stallation ceremonies will take place
.Tnesday night of next week. The
newly elected officers are Allen VIII
cox. w. NJ; Arthur Frazier. s. :; ". M.i
I a. Fenton, T. W.; E. g. Prairie,
sraasprer. s. H. Griffiths, secretary.
The r appointive officers are 7. 4. Bis
~ r.. w. F, Turner. J. d. A.
III II Garrett. 8. s.; Harry I, Yost. ].
Il: Lee Traux. marshall; Guy Rem-
Mrs Daniel Helphrey. aged 6s
years. died this week OF com
plication of diseases at the family
home, 2OO1 North Fifteenth, Boise;
she is survived by her nusnana anu
fonr children, P, w. Helphrey OF
Melba, Mrs. j. B. Cook of Meridian
p Helphrey of Fairfield, Iowa
ana Mrs. A. A. sigfriad OF Spokane
The Meridian times. (Meridian, Idaho) 1909-1938, 1915-12-17
WATCH FOR THE SCHOOL
DISEASES.

Diphtheria, scarlet fever and mea-
sles are very contagious (catching)
diseases. They spread quickly from
the child that is sick to other child
rem. 1t is important to send for the
doctor in case child is not getting
we'll. The following signs OF the dis
eases and advice as to how to care
for them will be of help to you.
Diphtheria.
Signa-Sore throat with gray
film or membrane on the throat and
tonsils or in the nose; fever.
1t Is caused by germ called the
iiphtheria bacillus. This can be
grown in a tube of jelly called a
culture Diphtheria often ends in
death. especially when it affects the
windpipe. 1t is then called Group.
The only cure for diphtheria is an
titoxin. Ii antitoxin is given on the
first day of the disease and in large
enough dose, ninety-nine out of one
one hundred patients get we'll. The
injection is harmless, not painful, and
leaves no scar.
Children who have diphtheria must
ba kent away from the rest of the
family until cultures from the nose
and throat no longer sito" enV VIZ"
iberia bacilli.
Scarlet Fever.
Signs-A bright red rash over tnt
whole body, coming out one day attel
sickness begins; sore throat; vomit
ing; high fever; four or five weeks
later the skin peels off in scales.
Children who have scarlet feve
must be kept away from the rest 0
the family until the skin has finished
cd peeling and the child is declares
we'll by the doctor or nurse OF IN
Department of Health,
The Meridian times. (Meridian, Idaho) 1909-1938, 1915-12-17

@Well, pinah, hear you are mar
ried." - sornar coot
uy,se done got me man now,
SIS he a good provider?
"Yessum. He's mighty good pro-
cider. but Use powerful skeered mes
ywine ter get kotched at IT.
The Meridian times. (Meridian, Idaho) 1909-1938, 1915-12-17
READING ron THE NEW YEAR

The Housewife, To-Day's Magazine,
Earm & Home, The Reliable Poultry
Iaurnal. all one year with the Merid-
san Times, $3.50, Call at the Times
nff,ce and see about this big offer'
RI win make nice Xmas present.
The Meridian times. (Meridian, Idaho) 1909-1938, 1915-12-17

Can and see the new stock OF Com
munity silverware, 50-year guarantee.
lust the thing for Christmas present
Meridian Hardware Co.
The Meridian times. (Meridian, Idaho) 1909-1938, 1915-12-17
aLacK JAKIE's CHRISTMAS

This IA the title of pleasing little
Christmas story about man wnom
gambling and liquor had peaten uowa
hut who found new life ana ioye aAu
hope in meeting q fine, sweet Ell ,,o,a on
Christmas. Read BLACK JAKE % .
christmas" by Charles arthur les
lie. In this issue OF the Meriaiah
Times.
The Meridian times. (Meridian, Idaho) 1909-1938, 1915-12-17

skates for the boys and skates for
the girls. Barney & Beery's. Az Mef-
idian Hardware Co.'S.
Richmond times-dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1914-current, 1915-04-03
CABLE CENSORSHIP POLICY
= ADOPTED BY ENGLAND

WASHINGTON, April Great Brit
AIMS intention of stopping all messages
se9lt over cables under british control
relating 10 trade in contraband or non
rcntrahand Ito which n resident in :u
enemy country is one of the parties"
las been communicated to the United
states government through AmbaSsa-
dor Page at London.
memorandum given to Mi Page
and cabied by him TO The state De-
ra"tmeni today. contained the first
formal announcement OF Great Britain's
rsb!c censorship policy since the carly
dnNs oi the war, when neutral nations
vaArc reminded of the right of the Brit
ti government 10 stop all communi-
ct'ions over cables it controlled. At
tEai time ii was announced that to
DIniiniZe Inconvenience TO the public
1IcsshSes in plain English or French
Mould be accepted for transmission
subjected 10 censorship
NH cable communication between
Anerica and Europe has to pass
Chrough Great britain since the cut
aug OF the German cables
- nder the latest order, officials here
H1deratand that II is in limo with the
'Hi'es blockade proclamation, mes.
SaGes cannot be sent from the United
states i" Italy or amy other neutral
country If they refer in any way to n
s,ronsaction in which II resident of Ger
Driny, Austria or Turkey is interested.
Richmond times-dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1914-current, 1915-04-03
Russian.

FETROGRAD. April y (via Lon
don.-The following Russian Of
fetal statement regarding the fight
ing in the eastern theatre of war
was given out here tonight:
"On the Nicmcn front our troops.
after stubborn night lighting yester-
day, continued their offensive We
drove back the Germans. innicting
heavy losses. and approached the
German positions to the east of the
line iMariampol- kalywar-
ya-Suwnllii- Augustowo.
I'm the Carpathians on March Fl
and during the night of April / our
offensive was pursued with success
II was concentrated chiefly on the
VOLTA -Michoai front. In the direction
of t%sok Pass. Escalading under
Il violent Austrian fire cscarpmcnts
covered with Ice, our troops. after
long struggle, carried with the
hayonct nm important range of
heights, and almost all the SUBMITS
of the Polonina range to the north
OF the villages Nestilina, Beregehi
and Gornyia. Here our regiments
took by assault an encmy front we'll
organized and surrounded by two
hedges Of barbed wire and timber
obstacles.