davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Birmingham age-herald., 1915-04-29
THE BLIND PROLETARIAN

From the Louisville Courier-Journal
 MAT large numbers of wedding in-
 vitations fail to reach their desti-
 ~ nation whenever wedding of great social importance occurs is a tradi- ton which has served to get many bride, and many a brides family, out of a tight place, and to mollify many a hurt or irate individual of the socially eligible class in the snobbish sense of the term, who has received no engraved request to lend to the occasion the influence of his or her presence.
 Such a stir has been caused by the failure of barrel or so Of invitations to the Biddle-Duke wedding, of interes. in New York and Philadelphia society, to be delivered that an investigation is demanded of the Philadelphia postmaster to determine who should be blamed.
 An avalanche of wedding invitations may appear to busy postoffice clerks as a silly manifestation of the ostentatious ways of the socially supreme and spec tacular, that deserve no encouragement alongside of the honest efforts of the proprietor of an efficacious pill to put suHeflns nuiHanity III the way or SetitnS relief by sending 100000 circulars through the mail But the blind proletar- ian is wrong in his estimate of the rela- tive importance of the pill prospectus. with it's promise of health and happiness, and the simple stereotyped notice that the recipient is deemed a fit person to be on hand when the marriage takes place, and is one whose gift will be no affront to the contracting parties. There is also to be considered the economic importance of the wedding invitation. That is a mat ter concerning which the postoffice clerks may not be fully informed. They may not, as class. realize that one
The Birmingham age-herald., 1915-04-29
Couldn't Say SarsapariIIa

When J. A. Barkley of Chicago, presi- dent of the National Launderers associa- ton, who came to Birmingham to attend the trf-state convention, was introduced at the Rotary club luncheon yesterday. he was called on for a speech. He responded briefly, but felicitously. In referring to the social side of conventions, he said that some of the convivially inclined mem- bers stayed out later than usual.
 Tn Chicago we find it that way" said MT. Barkley "A friend of mine had been having festive time, and the next morn- ing his wife said to him, '5ohn, you have been drinking too much After you have had all the whisky you want, why don't you call for sarsaparilla%
 "Why don't Is Well, the reason is,' he replied, after I have had all the whisky want I can't say sarsaparilla. v
 Mr.. Barkley's speech lasted only 52 sec onds, but it made hit.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1915-04-29
WAR ECHOES

Pittsburg Sun: When two or three of counter it is well for the lover of peace and the believer in amity to hie himself to a safe place and there await the out come of the struggle. At least he dis plays wisdom if he take to a well fortified place and spend his idle time in waiting for the call to come and arrange an arm istice or assis, in outlining a treaty of peace. To assume that the belligerents are willing to listen to reason when they can see only red is the height of absurd ity, as the women delegates to the Inter- rational Peace congress at The Hague are discovering The trouble these worthy women, influenced by an earnest, even though overzealcus, desire to bring about peace to Europe. are encountering ought to be lesson to uninvited peacemakers in tho future.
 The delegates from Switzerland are not able to get to Holland, the German dele gates went go, the British delegates either have no desire or cannot get to The Hague, and from the very outset the French women have declined to partici- pate. The American delegates, generally accredited with being the instigators of this International Women's Peace con- gress." are still on the high seas and may not be given the glad hand anywhere a peace envoys.
 The whole affair seems to have result wasted in a .audable but impracticable ef- fort.
 Brooklyn speech dots the ''rs" and crosses the "t's" of his Portland letter re- garding the conditions upon which Ger many might give up Belgium
 If We can get what Is necessary moi only fer us but for all the world, we will not hold on to Belgium. if the sea is open and we can have an outlet But if the British intend to take possession of the channel so tha. we cannot get out without their permission and consent, I say now that we will have a harbor of our own with strongly fortified port"
 Without Eerlin's authorization to feel the way, pr. Dernburg would hardly speak 80 confidently upon terms of peace He seems to say that Germany will hold Antwerp unless she can establish a sys. tenn of freedom of the sea and of the ocean narrows which is new to interna. tional law and which has never yet beer defined in detail.
 There is more than Belgium to consider in such bargain and alternative. With out crushing also Holland, Germany coult
 ..I uI.r~r #
The Birmingham age-herald., 1915-04-29
Fishing Sport In Florida

The greatest fishing I've ever known I had in Florida few weeks ago. said John Towers, who spent the winter there.
 Where the Indian river is joined by the St. Lucie, at Stewards, is the favorite fishing grounds for hundreds of sports men. One day I counted 26 yachts and launches in the waters, and I understand that the catch that day was some 5000 pounds of bluefish. These are taken with a Newell Stuart's spoon,' some six inches long, with the boat in motion. trolling the line
 Earlier in the season the lady fish were caught with shrimp bait; then spots, and the sergeant a sport af- fording fish. Next the Spanish mackerel were biting, but the bluefish sport capped all Much of this catch is shipped to northern markets, where this delightful pan fish does not appear until later in the season.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1915-04-29
ALABAMA PRESS

Gadsden Evening Journal: The Germans seem to have taken Lord Kitchener at his word when he said the war would begin in May. and they have prepared for it.
 Athens Alabama Courier: The smelling committees are still smelling, but they have not given off any whifs of. what they find. H seems to be costly smelling bunch for the taxpayers of Alabama.
 Huntsville Mercury Banner. The pret- tiest bunch of hogs we have seen in many day went down Jefferson street toward the Southern station yesterday. It seemed a pity to have them leave the county, but they were raised for the markets and there are no packing houses in this sec- tion. They may come back to us next fall in the shape of cured meat without our having to bother with the cleaning and curing.
 Talladeea Daily Home: The commander of the Kronprinz Wilhelm evidently decid- ed he could not get out like he got in"
 Anniston Evening Star: Possibly Bir- minsham invited the laupdrymen to the Magic City to shcw 'em how to become "drv'' cleaners heferc rro-tt'f'1n
The Birmingham age-herald., 1915-04-29
Trade Brisk Once More

''The south is now in much better shape than it has been in some time past; in fact, the business improvement recently has been very marked,' said Isaac May, who represents a prominent shoe concern of New York. When I was here last fall the bottom seemed to have dropped out of business. I had never known conditions in the south quite so depressedl 1t is very different now Prosperity is returning fast. Birmingham looks good to me now. and I feel sure that next fall will bring to this district the greatest boom in its historyr
The Birmingham age-herald., 1915-04-29

of Georgia, and has made hundreds of speeches explainine. the new law, and he says significantly: "The mere raising of revenue or the Tightening of the burden of taxation I esteem of less cause for congratulo ton than the existence of the healthy and whole some public spirit which has been de- veloped in favor of giving the state in the matter of taxation square deal"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1915-04-29
Highway to Warrior River

"The suggestion of a paved roadway from Birmingham to the Warrior is one well worthy of serious and pains taking consideration" said pr. R. r. Lovelady, president of the board of revenue.
 'It is some 26 miles from the heart of the city to Maxine. on the Warrior, where I understand the boats in deep water navigation will turn round for the downstream trip. The topography of the road to either Maxine or Tay- lor's Ferry offers no serious obstacles to an easy grade road.
 "As to paving brick, it will require some investigation and compiling of fig ures as to the cost of brick paved high way. It is estimated that twill require some s50,000 to construct paving brick plant. I understand that there has been some extensive brick paved road building in Ohio, New York, Penn sylvania and in Florida. It occurs to me that valuable data could be ob- tained from the proper authorities upon which to base estimates of the prob able cost of a paved road to the War. rior.
 "In the construction of a paved road, the first step, after preparing the road bed, Is to put down cement base upon which the brick rest. Then there is a six to eight-inch cement curb to hold the brick in place. Other items are the drainage and guttering, all to be counted in the cost"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1915-04-29
IN HOTEL LOBBIES
The sfeiners Return

Leo K Steiner and his good wife re- turned Tuesday night from New York after sojourn there of five weeks.
 Business recovery is marching right along said Mir. Steiner All the barom- eters of business are favorable. The New York stock market not only continues active, but the best of 1t is the heavy buying has been by investors and not by spectators.
 "The prevailing opinion is that prosper ity is here to stay
The Birmingham age-herald., 1915-04-29
Regarding Protested Book.

q have been thinking of the protest certain books in the public library said son of a Confederate veteran, "and I wish to suggest an idea. It is that the camps of Confederate veterans appoint committees to single out such books as they object to, and that a prepared criticism, protest, or state ment of facts per contra, be briefly printed or typewritten in shape to con- form to the leaf of the book and bind ing, and that the saVe be placed in the front of the book.
 Take Uncle Toms Cabin for in stance; the author confessed that she in- nocently drew a picture (overdrawn we know) that started a confiagration-the late war. Now, don't tell my children not to read it: do tell them that upon an isolated and infinitesimal bit of fabric of fact, a world read piece of fiction was laid; that they may read i. to know what an overxealous female propagandist did. And reared, as my girls have been, among some of the older generations of representatives and with their children as compan- ions at play on an old plantation. they see and know the ruthless wrong done the south, and slavery itself, by Uncle Toms Cabin Why, old Aunt Jenny who nursed my eldest daughter. and who had nursed her mother sehooled my children against lies about slavery; there warnt any at "Burleigh" except taking care of some no count niggers
The Birmingham age-herald., 1915-04-29

wedding invitation lost or chucked into the waste basket may mean not only the sundering of happy relationships between the members of two families or clans, but also the loss to the bride and bride. groom, of anything from a slender salad fork to a touring car with artillery wheels and nose as long as that of Cyrano de Bergerac, in proportion to its body.
 That the wedding invitation is, in tho social world, tantamount to the please remit of the business world is matter which cannot be too loudly dinned intc the ears of the socially uninitiated who handle sometimes carelessly the missives committed to their care.
 It is customary at fashionable we'd dings to employ a detective, or corps of detectives, to guard the .swag displayed as a proof of the brides popularity, plus the social eminence of the two families involved Tn the alliance. The wedding invitation is the means by which the glittering array of articles of value is se- cured. It is no small matter, from purely business point of view, to misay an invitation which might not only reas- sure the recipient to his social posi- ton, but might also net the bride a chest of silver or set of mahogany furniture.
 When both the social and commercial importance Of the wedding invitation come to be better understood by federal employees there will be no further loss of them in transit. Then if one doesn't receive an invitation one will know that one was not wanted. even at the price O ia handsome present, to be sticking around at the time of the ceremony or appearing conspicuously at the reception to advertise acquaintanceship, or terms of intimacy, with the bride and groom and their families
The Birmingham age-herald., 1915-04-29

From London Answers
 Bennett suffered from severe indiges- tion; so bad was it that it had turned his nose brilliant red.
 Now, this gave Bennett much trouble, as 80 many people accused him of drink ing. and wouldn't believe ,tha. 1t was on.y Indigestion.
 Therefore, when he saw an advertise m.rt in the raper one lay. which said, Red Noses Cured Permanently. Send Five Shillings." he rushed off to the post office.
 A day or two later he got his reply
 Tearing oren the sealed envelope. he withdrew a very dirty piece of paper. on which was written:
The Birmingham age-herald., 1915-04-29

A magazine writer lost her purse con- taining $40, but the methods of the thief who robbed her gave her an idea for a corking good story. However, it isn't everyone who can profit so easily by mis- fortune.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1915-04-29

war correspondent says that a recent bombardment of the Dardanelles forts by the allied fleet was a sublime spectacle No doubt. So far the attack on the Turk ish fcrtifica tions seems to have been a fine pyrotechnic display without any sub stantial results.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1915-04-29

The bread line maintained for many months in Vancouver has been abolished and four additional immigration inspec- tors were stationed along the Washington British Columbia frontier to check the anticipated rush of alien immigrants into this country. Still, the average bread line is not composed entirely of unde- sirab ble citizens.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1915-04-29
A DIAGNOSIS.

Go to, The bard who cannot sing
 When all the world is fair, And April doth her showers bring
 And green grass here and there Foretells the days when blossoms sweet
 Will perfume every vale, Is clubbed in his poetic feet.
 Or else, distraught and pale, Doth suffer pains that render verse
 Beyond his utmost skill E' en though he'd fain a song rehearse And woo the muses still
The Birmingham age-herald., 1915-04-29

asserting that most of our ills come from the mouth. Take the case of T. Roosevelt, for instance. Except for his mouth he would not be in Syracuse defending a libel suit
The Birmingham age-herald., 1915-04-29

Good news for the alarmists. Secretary Daniels says the United States navy is better than ever before. The news should be broken as gently as possible to Rep resentatiye Gardener.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1915-04-29

newspaper reader says that the size of Henry Ford's income is always a good topic for the dinner table. Anybody who knows a new Ford auto joke can also win favor.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1915-04-29

A Newark, N. J., man has just deserted his wife because she could not make flapjacks like those his mother made. Somebody ought to hit this fapjack fend with a blackjack.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1915-04-29

Now comes announcement from Chicago that tho price of ice, owing to shortage of crop, is going to be higher. All of which senes to indicate that the iceman is a cold, calculating individual
The Birmingham age-herald., 1915-04-29

BEGINNING THE DAY-Show me the wide world, Q my God, and the dcep heavens; and reveal to me how foolish are my petty cares. Let me look mp and be ashamed. Release me from my little round by the vision of far horizons. Make me big enough and calm enough to live rightly in this universe or Thine. In Cbrist's name. Amen.-- H. M. E.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1915-04-29

The islands of the South Pacific have a strong fascination for indolent men who dream of existence in an ideal climate with nothing to do but sleep and eat. Yet Germany, finding few opportunities for colonization In other parts of the world, turned to the islands of the Solomon group. The gunboat Adler took posses sion of the Solomons in the name of Ger many October 30, 1886. A convention be- tween Germany and England was made in 1899, however which left Germany in pos session of only the two nose northerly islands of the group. Bourgainville, the larger, is 125 miles long and varies in S3 miles long and from five to 10 miles wide. The total area of both islands is about 4000 square miles. They are rich is forests and possess fine agricultural soils. The harbors are also excellent. Buka lacks an adequate water supply, but Bourgainville is crossed by many streams which have their sources in the mountains of the interior. In 1907 the Germans built government station there and have since made progress in civilizing the na- tives, who do all the manual work. Until recently the natives still had rather sim pie ideas as to dress and ate human flesh. The islands are but stones throw from the British possessions and only short distance from Australia.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1915-04-29

Sending post cards to Secretary Bryan advising him to resign for the good of his country is malicious form of persecu- tion that no sclf-respecting person would be guilty of
The Birmingham age-herald., 1915-04-29

Lurid correspondents are no longer able to excite jaded newspaper readers by de- scribing a '"rain of steel.'' Even war news has become more or less common- place.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1915-04-29

The early beach beauty who wants to get her picture in the newspapers can do now if she isn't afraid of cold water
The Birmingham age-herald., 1915-04-29

Every man is an optimist when he starts out with a fishing pole and a can of bait, although he isn't always optimistic when he returns.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1915-04-29

Dr. Fucker says eugenics is not fad. However, when faddists seize upon good idea they can soon ruin it by misdirected effort.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1915-04-29

Perhaps, as a choice of two evils, the hapless population of Mexico City would prefer smallpox to an army of brigands
The Birmingham age-herald., 1915-04-29

The new gas bombs used by the Ger mans are nothing more than a modern ized form of the old-fashioned stinkpot.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1915-04-29

Maybe the reason General Huerta came to the United States is because he likes the brand or whisky they sell in New York.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1915-04-29
MISPLACED.

Dolby is an absent minded man. I've noticed that
 "The other day his wife sent him to market for an so-cent steak and it began to look as if he had lost it."
 Did he find the steak?'
 ''oh, yes. It was in his vest pocket"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1915-04-29
Washington bureau. POT Hlbbs build

Rumor doth double, like the voice aud echo, The numbers of the fear'd.
 Henry ".
The Birmingham age-herald., 1915-04-29
A CURE. BJJT

A contemporary declares that Wall street is saner. Another prosperity note ?
The Birmingham age-herald., 1915-04-29
SHARP WORK.

T saw man execute a smart millinery maneuver yesterday"
 You mean military maneuver don't your"
 NO. He distracted his wife's attention out moving picture actor who happened to be passed in his automobile
 NO END TO HORRORS OF WAR. years the court of last resort" whenever a European noblemans title was ques- tioned, will no longer be an authority SC far as the royal princey and ducal fam lilies of Great Britain. Russia. Belgium and France are concerned. The almanach is edited by some of those nefarious Ger mans and is issued in the fatherland. Doubtless the representatives of distin- guished families who have decided not to indorse the almanach fear the bitterness that has been engendered by the war may result in the pruning of their stately rec- ords by none too loving hand. Herein lies the chief advantage of being coal baron. sugar baron or steel king. He doesn't have to prove anything. He sim plv noipts to his dividends
The Birmingham age-herald., 1915-04-29
ADRIFT WITH THE TIMES

INsIDIOUs ADVERTISING. Now doth the hotel folder
 Invite the soul to roam And covertly belittles
 The things wet get at home. By haunting lovely pictures or scenes beyond compare And touching e'er so lightly
 Upon the prices there.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1915-04-29

If there is anything in getting the last word to jury. women lawyers ought to be successful.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1915-04-29

Daily and Sunday Age Herald. SS.t0 Daily and Sunday per month.-.- .t0 Daily and Sunday, three months. 2O0 Weekly Aee-HeraId. per annum. . .50 Sunday. Age Herald ......... 200
The Birmingham age-herald., 1915-04-29

By Herman Hagefdorn. My true love from her pillow rose
 And wandered down the summer lane; She left her house to the winc carouse And her chameer wide e tfe rain. She did not stop se don heF coat, She did not st q snloqfhe her ped--i But out she wen in Elsd centent.
 There where tae bfi8ht pAth led She did not feel Inc satinz storm.
 But fled like | sapbeam, waite ana
 frail
 To the sea, to thf atr Aemewhere. s0me-
 where <. [ have not fou her trsii. <,
The Birmingham age-herald., 1915-04-29

port" fer naval uses, since it's channel to the sea, the Lower Soheldt is Dutch. And both proposed bargain and proposed alternative rests upon the, fortunes of war. With the spring campaign not yet fully opel on either front-with no certainty, even, whether more nations are to take part in the war on either side-such pro- posals, however interesting as indicating the German trend of thought, are for practical purposes premature. New York Herald: pr. Dernburg's let ter to a compatriot in Maine is of impor- tance only because it's suggestion of peace terms shows that Germans now realize fthey are confronting the collapse of the world conquest programme to promote which their government brought on this war. As for the proposals themselves not one is worthy of serious consideration. Dr. Dernburg has now discovered that Germany went to war flor the freedom of the sea-" Does Dr. Dernburg think he can find in this land a man so ignorant as not to know that Germany enjoyed the ful.es. freedom of the sea before it started this war, and that to this very freedom 1 of the sea was due it's commercial great ness.
 The freedom of the sea that existed in peace speaks for itself. What of the Ger man brand of freedom of the sea that the war has brought?
 The sinking of the American steamship William F. Frye the Dutch steamship Katwijk. the Belgian relief steamship 1 Harpalyce, the Greek steamship Ellis Pcntos and other vessels flying the flags of neutral nations; the cold-blooded mur- der or noncombatant passengers and sea-
 men of many nations by order of the Ger
 man admiralty in its submarine warfare does Dr. Dernburg imagine he can con- vert the neutral world to sympathy for, or al proval of this brand of freedom of the I sea?'
 l Dr. Dernburg probably intended to hint at naval disarmament. If the boot were | on the other foot-if the German navy had been able to make good it's proud | boast of what would happen on 'the day would he be advocating naval disarma- ment9
 | The answer is found r. ee significant fact that Dr. Dernbu no sug- gestior of disar'' rrt Aan land-the
 only place that fs trong'