New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1915-02-28

Cleopatra and Good Queen
Bess, DR.. johnson and
Boswell Take Part i'm
Warm Debate.

DOCTOR JOHNSON Why, James! Methnks
the lady praises US.
She means that foolish men would profit much,
Were they to read my books at morning meals
This is much better. Come! will decide
The proper values of your argument
QUEEN ELIZABETH doubt much if you can.
] fail to see
That nimble wit Of which heard so much
DOCTOR JOHNSON You'd see my wit? Come
James, get out your book
And show the lady Doctor Johnson's wit
(BosweH produces notebook and reads
BoSWELL-Ah! here's a good one! Doctor, will
you please
Explain-why does Russian soldier wear
Brass buttons on his coat, whileas, quite
strange.
An Austrian wears silver ones?
DOCTOR JOHNsoN-why, sir!
Why, sir! To keep his coat buttoned.
(BosgeH claps his hands ecstaticdliy;
then writes feUerishly on the typet0rfter.)
BOSWELL--Its great!
Now, Doctor, answer this for u.s. II all
The money in the world was equally
Distributed among all, how much
Would each one get?
DOCTOR JOHNSON-Why, sir! Each one Of US
Would get an equal share!
B0SWELL-(As he typetCrites.)
Oh, gracious Heav'n!
This man will be the death of mel
QUEEN ELIZABETH Ha-ha! Ha-ha!
doctor Johnson jerks of her shoe, as q
token of gratitude for her dppreciattonJ
QUEEN ELIZABETH am convinced. Indeed,
feel assured
That you can give the final knockout blow
To this conundrum that perplexes he.
The question is-who it wrote Macbeth,
And all the other kindred plays?
DOCTOR JOHNSON-Macbeth?
Macbeth?
BOSWELL -(Anriously)
Why, sir, you must have read Macbeth.
DOCTOR JOHNSON-Ah, yesl 10 recall it
now. Macbeth.
1t s-a goodly play.
ROSWELL-If you could make
Some capital remark about Macbeth,
could inject another sheet into
The ever-gaping maws of this contrivance.
DOCTOR JOHNSON-Why, sir! l might re-
mark, few people know
When valiant Lord Macbeth first took car
rage.
BOSWELL-(Preparing for great burst Of
When did my Lord Macbeth first take car
riage?
DOCTOR JoHNSoN-why, sirt When first he
took hack at Banquo.
BOSWELL-Ha-hal Ha-ha! "He took hack
at Banquet"
QUEEN ELIZABETH Approaching Doctor
Johnson.)
/ must admit, you are indeed wonder.
DOCTOR JOHNSON with an elaborate boV.)
But you-you ere a Tudor!
(Queen Elizabeth throt0s up her hands
and falls IN sWoon)
DOCTOR JOHNSON-What! She fants!
Ye Gods! She swoons! l fear my subtle wit
Has been too much for her.
He rushes to Queen Elizabeth's side)
Come help me, James!
Wen bear the lady to her royal bed
BOSWELL-Not 1! must write down those last
remarks
OF yours.
DOCTOR JoHNsoN-What! Would you turn
away in fear?
Deny your aid to suf'ring womsnkind?
BOSwELL-What is the suf'ring Of . mere fs-
male.
Contrasted with the sayings Of a Johnson7
DOCTOR JOHNSON-Thst's SO. Mayhsp you're
right AT any rate.
I'll bear the lady to her room. She has
But swooned. III wager l can bring her to-
If but read her "Rasselas."
(Erit Doctor Johnson, bearing Queen
Elizabeth in his arms. Bostoeu, left to
himself, starts IN on another chapter OF
the greatest biography of all time.
Cleopatra glides IN, and discovers Bos-
lCeU)
CLEOPATRA-Hello, what have We here! 10
this man?
II so, oh, flesh! how art thou fshifed!
What is your name, you Calibannish creaturei
BOSWELL-James Boswell, ma'am.
CLEOPATRA-Well, james, like not James
II sounds so very circumspect and ice-box.
Would you object, think me too presumng,