Evening star., 1915-08-14

came in sight 1t was a wagon which
delivers spring water costing 3 cents
| barrel and collects at the rate of so
cents gallon. John Monk said to
himself that his experience on the allie
gorical water wagon certainly ought to
entitle him to seat on this real life
| saver, and SO he let out a large and
| heartfelt holler that brought the driver
thereupon completed, by which Mr..
Monk and his raspberry phosphate ap-
parel would be transported to the
State Department for the sum of two
bits.
And there we will leave Mr. Monk,
the king Of the water birds. riding in
the front seat of a ton-and-a-half of
bottled water on wheels, while around
him, over him and under him was the
water shed by the lowering clouds. Yet
through it all he landed at the State
Department dry shod and with ice
cream trousers unmelted, and walked
into the building to converse on dry
subjects.
In a department store last Wednes-
day l was leaning against the counter
pounding madly with a quarter in a
vain endeavor to attract the attention
of the clerk who was about five yards
away holding deep and earnest con-
versation with a fair young f1apper
She was a grand piece Of work, l will
admit, and she probably did not care
any more for her imitation Jet earrings
than you care for your right eye and
left arm combined. She was all dressed
up regardless, although 1 suppose when
she's home in the mornings she wears
a raging red kimono that does not fit
laanywhere, and violent pink slippers
with white beads.
l kept pounding on the counter, and
the young man said:
Honest. Kid. I says to Lou that
night, / Says
please give me a corkscrew," 1
moaned
to treat me like that 1 says, I been on
the square with you and you oughter
have been on the level with me-"
only a corkscrew," I wept.
time up the river when I seen you with
that fresh dame from the hosiery
counter? and I says to her, I says,
Listen. now. kid. I jes' happened to
I stamped my feet hard and pounded
harder than ever with that quarter.
could imagine that young clerk talk
ing to Lou and looking like a giant in
his Gertie collar. but just then I need
ed a corkscrew.
please wait on me- 1 pleaded.
AN you know as well as me that I
amt never spent a nickel on that girl.
and 1 took Lou down th' river oncet
week for two years.
"If you don't get me a corkscrew I'll
come over there and smash you in the
nose" I yelled.
And the brave young clerk then
turned around to me and said:
Just a minute, please, until l attend
to this young lady
Whereupon I went outside and mailed
the firm a letter, asking it to send mo
a corkscrew when 1t had plenty OF
time.
X * !. 4
Representative Albert Johnson of
Washington, who is said to look like
former Representative Vic Murdock,
fell afoul of the Hawaiian language On
the recent congressional tour of those
islands, and badly tangled himself.
This lingo of the western isles is COM
posed mostly Of clicking sounds, and
the alphabet has but twelve letters.
am told. most of which are vowels.
Therefore the slightest change in pro-
nunciation absolutely changes the
meaning of the word.
Johnson was making a grandiloquent
speech somewhere in the islands after
every one had been wonderfully we'll
entertained in a Hawaiian town. In
the course of his remarks he felt con-
strained to speak OF the elegant food
that had been served at the luncheon.