The Pulaskian., 1915-02-05
THE PULAsKIAN PULASKI HEIGHTS P. O.,

spiritual Microbe, but the Geezer knew how to annex the Kale
 When Providence is directing the Handouts, she very often slips some Squarehead the canny Gift of cor railing the Cush, but holds out all of the delectable Attributes supposed to distinguish Man from what you see in the Cages at the Zoo.
 After the Pater had earned his Shaft in the Cemetery, Elam became the Loud Noise around a dinky Manu- featuring Plant down by the Yards.
 The Cracker-Barrel Coterie and all the Old Ladies who had become mus cle-bound from yielding the Sledge. predicted that Elam would put the Or ganization into the Ditch, wrong side up.
 The Well-Wishers, the Brotherly LcTers, and the total membership of the Helping Hand Society sat back waiting for Elam to be dug out of the Debris, so they could collect Wit ness Fees at the Post-mortem.
 The Junior earned their abiding Dis like by putting one across
 He made the Fossils sit up in their padded Rocking Chairs and pay some attention to the Idiot Child.
 He never could hold down any Posi- tion until tried out for a Captain of Industry, and then he began to Bat .450 and Field 998
 
 After the dusty Workmen had manufactured the Product, and the Salesmen had unloaded it, and the Collectors had brought in the Louies, then Elam had to sit at Mahogany Desk with a Picture of Claudine in front of him, and figure how much of the hard-earned Mazuma would be do1ed out to his greedy Employees.
 Sometimes he would be compelled to fork over nearly half of the Gross, whereupon his Heart would ache and he would become Morose.
 In few Years he had lot of new Buildings, with Skylights and i'm proved Machinery and all sorts of hu- mane Appliances to enable the Work ing Force to increase the Output.
 As the Bank-Account expanded and the Happy Couple found themselves on Plush, Claudine began to scan the Horizon and act restless-like.
 She said the Home Town was Im- possible. It certainly did seem Con- trary to Reason.
 Any Woman with a salaried Hus- band could bust into Society if she sang in Choir or owned an Cream Freezer
 Claudine was for migrating to some high-toned Community beyond the Rising Sun, where she could sit in Marble Halls and compare Jewelry with proud Duennas of her own Sta tion.
 Seeing Claudine at the corner of Sth and Central, waiting for the Green Car, one would not have suspected that she harbored Intentions on the Court Circles of Europe. One would merely have guessed that she was on her way to the Drug Store to purchase much Camphor.
 
 Palm Rooms and the powdered Lackeys and the Tea Riot at the Plaza, and she was panting inwardly.
 She wanted to hang silver bell around her neck and go galloping with the white-faced Thoroughbreds.
 It was no good trying to work up Speed on half-mile track in the Prairie Mud.
 Once in while Claudine made a bold Sashay to start something devil ish, but the Fillies trained on the Farm did not seem gaited for the Grand Circuit.
 As for the Servant Problem, it was something Ferocious. City Help could not be lured to the Tall Grass, and all the Locals had been schooled at the Railway Eating-House.
 Elam and Claudine had Cook named Gusta, born somewhere near the Arctic Circle in Europe.
 Her Fried Chicken drowned in thick