Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1915-07-01
Four Men on a Tour.

rainy FRIDAY morning, four venture
some motorists pointed the headlights
of their car toward Arcadia, Mo. That
is to say the fifth man in the car did
the pointing, but he was not a motor
ist; merely a chauffeur engaged inthe
sordid work of earning his living. He
HAD to go, so you can hardly call
him q motorist. He was a victim.
However, the chauffeur knew that
something interesting was going to
happen on the trip because he woke
up on Friday morning before his alarm
O'Clock disturbed the neighbors. Here
after the chauffer shall be known as
Schmidt because that's his name, and,
besides, writing Schmidt is easier than
looking in the classified list in the
telephone book to find out how to
spell the other word every time its
use is suggested.
This narrative is a veracious log of
a tour to Arcadia in an automobile
and it doesn't matter that, at one
time, Schmidt thought the a was q
boat. 1t WAS an automobile in which
the tour was made, but a remark
able hunk of mechanism withal, for it
| uOfClODC0 III dSLCL ulS Va q hlOullU
ain goat, bucking broncho, pillow and
submarine. Fortunate it was that the
automobile was as versatile as the
fellow who volunteers. to liven up the
party thinks he is, for it was called on
to do many things that the ordinary
automobile wots not of.
Before the tour was over Schmidt
became a neologist-out loud. One
of the party being al English philol-
oyer objected to the novelty of
Schmidt's words and phrases as an
innovation, which, with the opu'ence
of our present language, was entirely
unnecessary. Thereafter Schmidt only
said: ~ told you So"
Well, after all, half the tour is
enough to know about. Going to
Arcadia was down hill and the run
ming was easy. Schmidt says he
knows it was down hill because moth
ing happened and the river runs that
way. The motorists were George j..
Tansey, Kelton White, Rufus L. Tay-
lor and Russ Allen, all good friends of
Schuck, Gaubatz and other removal
tors.
On the way down all went we'll un-
til the party arrived at a bad two and
a half miles of road, on the De Soto
Bonnie Terre route, now infamous in
local automobile circles. The rain had
fallen copiously all week, transform
ing what was between the fences into
a river of doubtful mud.
"Oan you get through, Schmidt
asked tour captain Tansey.
9Well, Pm no neophyte at automo-
bilism," replied Schmidt, sand if any
car can go through that muck this
one will do it, and besides, 1 don't
own the car. But be on the outlook
for a friendly pachyderm, for we may
need lots of compelling influence to
help us out if we get stuck"
"Run for it," shouted Tansey.
"hold tight and no matter what
happens don't jump" yelled Schmidt.
"You're a goner If you fall into that
mud. Nobody'l find you till Winter
dries up the road.
Then a geyser of mud shot up all
around the car as it became a pillow,
Schmidt at the wheel became o neol-
ogist again and the four motorists
quickly and spontaneously joined his
fraternity. The car gradually got
down into the submarine class an0
just as the p%eriscope was about to GO
under the wheels struck something
that shot it to the surface and with a
%crunching leap it landed on terra
firma.
II believe we ran over something
buried in the mud suggested Tansey
"Sure," said Schmidt, sit was al
automobile that sunk. | hope no one
went down with it,"
After that the run to Arcadia wa
%uneventful, but coming back some
variety orept in, The party started
back on Sunday about ! o'clock. Jus
|, out of Ironton the car stuck in tht
mud of a creek. 1t couldn't get on
unaided, so the tourists attached a rop,
and proceeded to give a first clasI
imitation of a t%urnverein tug-of-wal
!, team. When four good men and true
give their undivided attentionto drag
ging an automobile out of the mire
something is sure to happen. Thil
; time the rope broke and the puller
sat down in the creek. Rufus Taylor
! being on the bank, only got his fee
9 wet. Tansey, White and Allen wer,
, submerged. The bath had reiuvenat
ing effect and on the next trial tn,
car was yanked out onto the road.
The cold but victorious party pro
? ceeded a few miles when there cam
! O simultaneous blowout of the tW,
rear tires. Words from Schmidt Il
D the course Of time this trouble wa
3 remedied and again they were OF
i. their way. However, progress wa
. soon interrupted by o blowout of tn
front tire. Schmidt now speeches..
= Off again, the party reached Ri.
q River where the water was running
high and the location OF the ford i
doubt. The car started across in jus
about the right place to keep tn
motor above the water, but the rain
r had brought down lots of mud an
another rest for the car was In order
All hands had to get out and push
/ Allen, White and Tansey couldn't ge
any wetter, 90 they hoped into tn
river without delay. Not SO wit
Y Rufe Taylor. He was dry and near
to keep 80. He hurriedly remove
4 his raiment and then lent his assist
ance.
Schmidt, at the wheel, seeing th
2 water rushing past, got his sigma
: mixed and yelled. "We're afoat.n
"Afoat nothing,r snorted Taylor
"This Is no boat and the only thin
that will float il is a couple OF stick
2 OF d~ynamiteu
In spite Of this dire prediction tn
= oar WAS finally Coaxed ia tha haul
! where, after draining the water OF
! of their clothes, and when Taylor la
a gotten into his clothes, the part
!, made ready to proceed toward s
Louis and dinner. Three OF the tourist
were wet and cold, but Rufe Taylo.
because Of his forethought, was DR.
and comparatively warm. ReporI
q are to the effect that Taylor wa