The Washington herald., 1915-10-31

history, because. bet you. most people
In these here United States never heard
nothin' about the civil war. like the
capn ano me heard that night.
Here, was a tall old geezer, with a sor-
ter rag carpet set OF whiskers. teIlin'
a bunch:
II ses to Sherman. ses I. General, than
amt no mo- use In pressin' ole Bob Lee
thisaway. What we want to do is to
get TO regiments o. cavalry, ten regi-
ments Of infantry, and three parks of
artillery. and we want TO exitate a flank
movement that win ketch him about the
middle rear and desecrate him into two
parts and then. we can just naturally
lam the tar out OF him In sections
And then q big. tall fellah with black
whiskers, he was tellin' his little story
I'VE stood in the angle Of the wall, sub
| me rebels come at US a. boilin' l should
say thah was som'ers between twenty and
fo'ty OF them against the three Of us,
standing In that angle of the wall Ny
J friend ses TO me. Bob. we look to you
: In this emergency Il was q turbIe mo-
ment. GineraL [ give you my candid
| word OF honor was at a loss. but action
was pressin'. 80 l just jumped fo'wahd
I with roar He lion. and grabbed two
OF them reUels. knocked their cussed
haids together, and then. usIn' them for
CLUBS. one IN each hand. I Just naturally
h, battered. and walloped, and shattered
and frazkied the rest OF that bunch It'll
they ccdldn't have told their Sunday
school teacher from last Tuesday a week
ago."
, Ant out from behind this big feller's
/ voic: tame funny little squeak-a little
wiztned-up old son-of-a-gun.
THE Kinnel ses to me. Willy. the
matter is all in your hands. II you don't
I q
! Inand is lost Now. the was To- men
/ with that mountain howitZer. and I had
| tes' exactly TO rounds OF ammunition.
The range was two thousand yards and
! couldn't miss a shot"
He kinder drew a smile.
Il don't s'po5e / could 60 1t again on a
bet" he says But II was Just PUNK,
PUNK; plunk! One-two-three-fo' and I
had them"
At the end OF these little stories / says
to the cap'n, Il feel little weak, s'pose
we take a stimmerlint''
The cap'n. he was glarin' at the little
man that told the last story.
"Scraggs." he says to me. 'a-shOotin'
four men with four rounds Of ammuni-
ton. at two thousand yards" And he
was goin' over to lick that man IL
hadn't held on to him.
"Cap'n." said 10 him, don't let US in
dulge in violence aboard this craft. You
know. my july Is to detect overhaul and
apprehend one Bill Jones. for the crime
Of forgery-don't throw II up to me that
I've forgot all about II up to this minute,
because I'll have to admit II. IL you do
and II amt msnly OF you to force no
friend OF yours to such an admission.
But. as was sayin'. I'm out to geet Bill
Jones and I can't stand for you or me
to be fused up
So sayin'. and takin' his little hand in
mine. l led the cap'n from the room
Now, it just happened that the big EEL
Ter who stood In the angle OF the wall
and beat the life out OF the rebels with
couple OF their Teller citizens. he was
a-standin' with one foot on a cheer a-reS
ta!lin even moro unlikely language than
he had got rid of in the fust place. He
was turble excited over this here imag-
erary history OF hisn. and he lifted up
his hand. in his excitement.
This hand took me in tie left eye. Be
fore I had time to think. that cussed
right fist OF mine took him in the back
of the neck. and he went through his
audience like a sack OF old clothes kick
ed by a mule.
Huh" says the cap'n. II likes to see
a man live up 10 his preachin'."
But I covered quick.
Gentlemen" says to them that
wasn't pickln' the warrior up. you must
excuse me. but I was IN this same war
you're all a-talkin' about. and I got a
shot alongside the head-that trefuscated
the optikle nerve. The moment anything
touches this left lamp OF mine my fist
shoots out kinder spontaneous. You
know" I says to EN-. waving my hands
In the large style that was the fashion
OF the evening. how funny them bullet
wounds will affect an old solger.''
And they all accepted my apology. and
shook hands with me. and asked me what
regiment I was in. and told me it was a
thing that could not be helped. and that
Sam slocum was no good anyhow.
More'n that. they took US forcible to
the bar and showed liquid drinks into US.
The cap'n went upstairs with me.
a-laughin' to himself.
We'll" he says. "Zeke, you're a sorter
cheerful and entertainin' liar"
Some Of it's true" I says. Il was in !
that durn War
THE hell YOU say. Zeke!" says he. 80
was 7. myself"
Did you do any ightin'?' says.
"Oh. here and there We jumped around
a Bit" says the cap'n. How about you
u had 10 go hungry oncet in a while"
SAYS l. What did you think OF the |
whole business
"Tiresome.'' says the cap'n. Il don't
want no more war"
Me neither" says I. The next war |
they have amt goin' to encourage it a |
particle"
Well" says the cap'n. we sure got to |
find that Bill Jones. but just now it's |
like loo<in' for lost steer in the Xix |
River Bad Lands. There was a Teller |
huntin' for a steer in the Bad Lands |
onct. and when him and the steer met |
they both bust ont a-cryin'. they was so |
glad to see something with hide and hair |
on it,
you're sure Bill Jones is on this
boat" I said.
We'll" says the cap'n. he told me he
was goin' to be and"
There ne is now!" I yells. Come on.
Cap" for I spotted Jones over the top
OF the stair.
But that wasn't no special good. You
could see a man IN that crowd all right,
but the next thing was TO get him.
The cap'n hoped up and down with
excitement
Can you see him. zeke?" he kept
a-sayin'. Can you see him now?'
And bumbye. had to say. mo. can't
see him any more" for the crowd had
sorter ate Bill Jones up.
Having lost Bill Jones didn't mean that
We should be all cast down and melan-
rholy about It. and when looked around
and seen the band I couldn't be melan-
choly II tried.
10 bed at twelve o'clock This. the gang
Of Loyal Marylanders took as a wrong
rul desertion, and they hauled that band
out by its hind legs and in its night shirt.
md they perched 'em on their little stools
oncet more and told 'em to play-to play
oud and earnest. and cheerful, and in
order that this might be so. a bunch of