davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1915-07-03
SEEING LIFE WM
f5m7 JOHN HENRY
4VsSTAW GeOIqeV1
lSlN[1AX1t1 John Henry On Getting Grip
John Henry On Getting Grip

Fright again." 1 whispered
do the joints feel sore and pinched
like a poolroom2' he said.
Right
Does your tongue feel rare and
high priced like a porterhouse steak
at a summer resort?'
Exactly"
do you feel spasmodic futtering
in the concertina?".
"Yesi"
Have you sort of nervous hesita-
ton in your hunger and does every
thing YOU eat taste like an impossible
sandwich made by a ghostly baker
from disappearing bread and phantom
ham,"
"Keno.''
Does your nerve center tinkle-
tinkIe like a breakfast bell in a kitch-
enless boarding house?'
Right again.
Have you a feeling that the germs
have attacked your Adams apple and
that there won't be any core?"
yes"
when you look at the wall paper
does your brain do a sort of loop-the-
loop and cause you to meld 100 aces
or double pinochle?"
YES, and 80 kings, too!
do you feel a slight palpitation OF
the membrane of the colorado madura
and is there a confused murmur- in
your brain like the sound of hard
working gas meter?"
you've got me sized good and plen-
ty. Doc,"
do you have insomnia, nightmare,
loss of appetite, chills and fever and
concealed respiration in the carolina
perfecto?"
That's the idea, Doci
when you lie on your right side dc
you have an impulse to turn over or
your left side, and when you TURF
over on your left side do you feel ar
! impulse to jump out of bed and throw
4 stones at a policeman"
There isn't anything you can men
| ton, Doc, that 1 haven't got
"Ah!' said the doctor; then tina
settles it."
Tell me the TRUTH" 1 groaned
What is it-bubonic plague?"
You have something worse-yol
have the grip, Doctor Lesser whis
| pered gently you see 1 tried hart
to mention some symptom which yo1
didn't have, but you had them an
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1915-07-03

National HeirIooms, About to Fall
Apart, Have Been Repaired
by Blind Women

Two quaint and graceful chairs that
once belonged to William Penn have
Just been repaired by two women who
have never seen the chairs. says the
Philadelphia Ledger. The two women
are inmates of the Pennsylvania In
dustrial Home for Blind Women. The
chairs are preserved in the east room
of independence hall. on the second
floor. Year by year the cane bottoms
of the famous old relics have been
gradually cracking and falling out
The committee In charge decided that
unless the cane was replaced the
woodwork might soon collapse But
they did not dare to let the chairs
be taken out of Congress hall
So they sent for Miss Ira Frost, mis-
tress of handicraft at the Industrial
Home for Blind Women, and she
brought with her to the room two OF
the blind women who understood chair
repairing. The work was peculiarly
difficult, for it was impossible to erect
in Congress hall the Gaming table need
ed to hold the chairs firmly in place,
and, moreover, their woodwork was
soft with age. But the deft seeing
fingers" of the bling women did the
work in spite of all the difficulties, and
now the precious William Penn chairs
are safe.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1915-07-03
That Stamped Return Envelope.


Among the many letters l receive
from charitable enterprises asking me
to contribute said man who gives
occasionally, 81 get now and then one
that contains a return addressed en-
velope with a stamp on it.
This must be an expensive way of
sending out circulars, but l am in
clinAd to think it pays. At any rate
l know how it impresses one.
81 should not feel warranted in
using that stamp for my own personal
purposes, and of course it would be
wasteful to throw it away; and then it
seems to me a businesslike method of
proceeding, thus to make it very easy
for the person addressed to reply.
Further, rather admire the sporting
spirit of an institution that is willing
to risk a two-cent stamp on the chance
of getting something more in return.
so when I get one of those ap-
peals containing an addressed and
stamped return envelope 1 usually put
into it and forward a small contribu-
ton"
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1915-07-03

what mussed. he CROPPED across the
darkened room and solemnly shook
hands with me.
Then he sat in chair by the bed
side and began to sing soft lullabies
to a hold-over.
Presently he reached out his arm
and made all the gestures that go with
the act of hitting bell to summon
waiter
Receiving no answer to his thirsty
appeal, he arose and said: This In
a heluva club-rottenest service in
this club-s'limit, that's what 1t is,
s'limiti'' Then he hiccoughed his
weary way out Of the room and
haven't seen him since.
An hour later Uncle Louis .Miffen-
dale had looked me over and conclud-
ed I had galloping asthma. COM
pressed tonsilitis, chillb1ainous Group
and incipient measles. He insisted
that I take three grains Of quinine,
two grains of asperine, rub the back
of my neck with benzine, soak my
ankles in kerosene, then little
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1915-07-03

~AYt did you ever put on the Cog
giles and go joy riding with an at
tack of the grip?
III has all other forms of amusement
hushed to a 1ullaby-take 1t from
Uncle Hank
AS a Bad Boy the grip has every
other disease slapped to a sobDlng
standstill.
It's dollars to pretzels that the grip
germ is the brainiest little bug that
was ever chased by doctor
was sitting quietly at home read
ing Maeterlinck on Auction Bridge
when suddenly 1 began to sneeze like
n Russian regiment answering roll
call
Friend wife was deep in the mys-
terfes of Ibsen's latest achievement,
THE Rise and Fall of the Hobble
skirt" but she politely acknowledged
INV first sneeze with the customary
"Gesundheiti"
Then she trailed along bravely with
her response for ten or fifteen min
utes, but 1t was no use-I had more
sneezes in my system than there are
sGesundheitsi" in the entire German
nation, including principalities, pos
sessions across the sea, and the Mu-
steal Union.
John she ventured after time,
you are getting cold."
I'm not getting it," l shifted; Il
have 1t now.
What a mean, contemplate little
creature a grip germ must be. Alb
soIutely without any of the finer in
stincts it sneaks into peoples sys
TENS disguised as an ordinary cold
IL isn't on the level like appendicitis
or fnflammatory rheumatism, both OF
which are brave and fearless and will
walk right up to you and kick you OF
the shins. big as you are.
Nobody ever knows just what make
up the grip germs will put on to break
into the human system, but once they
get a foothold in the epiglottis moth
ing can remove them except inward
applications of dynamite.
The grip germ hates the idea o
race suicide
discovered shortly after l hat
sneezed myself into a condition o
pale blue profanity that a newly-mar
ried couple of grip germs had takel
a notion to build a nest somewhere Oh
the outskirts of my solar plexus. an
two hours later they had about %
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1915-07-03

the grip is the only disease in the
world which makes a speciality of hav
ing every symptom known to medical
jurisprudence"
Then the doctor got busy with the
pencil gag and left me enough pre-
scriptions to keep the druggist in
pocket money throughout the winter.
Then my friends and relatives be-
gan to drop In and annoy me with
suggestions.
Pop" Barclay sat by my bedside
and after 1 had barked for him two
or three times he decided 1 had in
f1ammation of the lungs and was in
sistent that tie rubber band around
my chest and rub myself with gaso-
line.
1 told Pop I had no desire to be-
come a human automobile, so he got
mad and went home. But before he
got mad he drank six bottles of beer
and before he went home he invited
himself back to dinner.
Then Hep Hardy dropped in and ten
minutes later he had me making signs
| for an undertaken.
Hep comes to the bedside of the af
| flicted in the same restful manner thai
q buzzsaw associates with a log OF
| pine
/ He insisted upon taking my pulse
and listening to my heart beats, bu
when he attempted to turn my eye
lids back to see if I had a touch o
the gianders every germ in my bod,
rose in rebellion and together W,
chased Hep out of the room
The next calamity was Teddy Pear
| son who had an arartmenf ON IN,
floor above u.s. Teddy had spent tn
previous night at a Tango party an
ever since daylight he had been beat
ing home to windward His cargo ha
shifted and the seaway was rough
Still clad in the black and white seer
cry with the silk bean cover some
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1915-07-03

phenacetine, and a hot whisky toddy
every half hour. before meals.
If found it hard to take the toddy
he volunteered to run in every half
hour and help me.
Then his wife. Aunt Jessica, blew
in with a deduction she called catnip
tea. She brought it all the way from
the Bronx in a thermos bottle SO
had to drink it or lose a perfectly re-
spectacle old aunt.
1t tasted like a 1inoleum cocktail
weouw.
During the rest of the day every
friend and relative 1 have in the world
rushed in, suggested a sure cure and
then rushed out again.
Peaches tried them all on me and
I felt like the inside of a medicine
chest.
To make matters worse, I drank
some dogberry cordial and it chased
the catnip tea all over my concourse.
Then Peaches, being a student of
natural history, insisted that I take
some hoarhound, suppose to bite the
dogberry, but 1t didn't.
Blood will tell, so the hoarhound
Joined forces with the dogberry and
chased the catnip up my family tree.
Suffering antisepticsl everybody
with a different remedy, from snake
the grip.
Now all I have to do is to cure the
| medicine.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1915-07-03
Brass Band Cures cataIepsy.

An extraordinary instance of the
curative power of music is recorded in
newspapers recently arrived from
Italy. In Naples hospital lay a GER
tain francesca Messina who had ar
rived from New York in a condition of
coma He had been asleep for seven
months and nothing the doctors could
do would arouse him.
The Countess Cell, visiting the hos
pital suggested that a brass band be
engaged to play expressly for the
sleeper. The doctors laughed at her.
but she got the band, brought it to the
hospital, stationed it under the win
dow of the ward in which Messina was
sleeping and made it play its loudest
and hveiiest pieces After an hour OF
drumming and trumpeting, Messina
suddenly sat up, wide awake He was
cured and was at once discharged
This Is the third time he has had such
a cataleptic attack. the first having
been precipitated by his sweetheart
jilting him.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1915-07-03
ACT WAS NOT TO HIS LIKING
American Soldier Properly Resented
Filipino's Insult to a Spanish
Officer.

The story is told by an English ma
val officer who witnessed the occur
renee in Manila: 'As / was crossing
one of the numerous bridges across
the Pasig river, 1 saw a native Fill
pino spit in the face of a Spanish
officer, and then RIM for protection to
the American sentinel, who was pac-
ing the bridge. 1t was some time be-
fore the Filipino could make himself
understood, but when the sentry COM
pretended his action was very prompt
indeed. He handed his gun to the
Spanish officer, caught the native by
the nape of the neck and the seat of
his trousers, and pitched him off the
bridge into the Pasig river. Then he
calmly took his gun from the officer.
and began pacing his beat, as If moth
ing had happened" -Unidentified
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1915-07-03

children attending the public school
of my medusa oblongata; and every
time school would let out for recess
i would go up in the air and hit the
ceiling with my Lima
Before daylight came all these grip
children had graduated from school
and after tearing down the school
house the whole bunch had married
and had large families of their own,
and all hands were out padding their
canoes on nay alimentary canal
BY nine o'clock that morning there
must have been eighty-five million grip
germs armed with self-loading revolv-
ers ali trying to shoot their initials
over the walls of my interior depart
ment
1t was fierce.
When Doctor Lesser arrived on the
scene L was carrying enough con-
cealed weapons to start something in
Mexico. =
The good old pill pusher threw his
saws behind the sofa. put his dip net
on the mantlepiece, and took a fall
out OF my pulse.
~Ahs" he said, after he had noted
that my tongue looked like curry
comb
The same to you. Doc" I said.
~Ah," he said, looking hard at the
wall
Say. Doc." whispered: there's nc
use to cut of my leg, because the
germs will hide in my elbow"
DO you feel shooting pains in the
cerebeiIum near the apex of the cos
mopolftane'' inquired the doctor.
~Surest thing you know" I said.
Have you buzziRg in the ears. ant
m confused sound like distant laugh
ter in the panatella?" he asked.
IT'S n cinch. Doc" / said
do you feel roaring in the cornu
copia with a ticking sensation In tn
diaphragm?- he asked
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1915-07-03
The Look in French Faces

Almost all the faces about these
crowded tables lin the cafe at Cha
lons)-young or old, plain or hand
some, distinguished or average-have
the same look of quiet authority; 1T
Is as though all ''nervosityy" fussiness,
little personal oddities, meanness and
vuIgarities, had been burned away in
a great flame of Standardization. 1t is a
wonderful example of the rapidity
with which purpose models the hui
man countenance.-Edith Wharton in
Scribner's Magazine.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1915-07-03
Just Like a Man.

Tom" said the bride of week,
didn't you promise faithfully to give
up smoking the day 1 married your"
Yes. my DEAR" replied Tom. Il be-
lieve 1 did,
"And now" she continued, Il find
you putting a cigar, just as though l
weren't in existence. What explana~
ton have you to offer?"
"Well, / kept my promise" replied
the husband Il didn't smoke a single
cigar on our wedding day-"-Philade[
phia Public Ledger.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1915-07-03
Perfect Vision.

"You big mutt said the batter, as
the umpire called the third strike,
that was a foot outside. What's the
matter with your eyes?"
Nothing at all" replied the arbi-
TRAITOR in chilling tones Il can see
from here to the clubhouse, and il 1
don't see you over there in five min
utes it'll cost you fifty dollars
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1915-07-03
Reason for His PoIiteness.

'Shoestring's united, ma'am."
small boy called out to the stout
woman who moved majesticaIly up the
street I'll tie it for you"
Even a less naughty woman would
have found it difficult to treat with
disdain so kind an offer, and she drew
back her skirt in acceptance of his
attention.
The little boy pulled the string tight
and smiled up at her. MY mother
fat, too" he explained.-The indie
pendent.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1915-07-03
Oh, That Lash!

Tommy had watched the high-hatted
and frock-coated ringmaster for some
time. He was particularly interested
in the way he handled the whip with
the long lash.
well, Tommy" said his father,
what do you think of that fellow?"
The whip cracked again as Tommy
replied: I'm glad he isn't my father"
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1915-07-03
co-oreration.

Gibbs-So you went after the Job?
I thought you believed that the office
should seek the man.
Dibbs-I do; but this IS a fat job.
and thought it might get wfnded be-
fore it reached me.-Bosson Tran
script
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1915-07-03
ExpensiNe.
whats
from

whats the Communication from
your placer"
-'Seven-ffty month
That's cheap enough"
Eyes, but 1 lose three times that
much playing pinochle on the train
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1915-07-03
We Don't Believe 1t.

$50 you've moved to the country.
How do you like it"
Great. Beats a stuffy old fiat all
hollow. And the best of it is, we get
fresh eggs and vegetables almost as
cheap as we could get them in the
city"
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1915-07-03
The Trouble.

Did you see where the Anglo-Ger-
man knight in London was told he
could not resign his baronetcy?"
Yes. that was not a title he could
surrender"
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1915-07-03
More Practical.

Il see where King George has taken
away the Garter from the kaiser and
other German rulers"
ut would have done more good for
him to have turned the hose on EN-"
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1915-07-03
At the Dance.

Have you learned any new steps?'
No, but I've stepped on lot of new
feet.'-Life.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1915-07-03

Eph Wiley believes the dimple, con-
sidering it as one of the concomitants
of beauty, has been greatly overest1-
mated.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1915-07-03

Always use Red Cross Ball Blue. Delights
the laundress. At all good grocers- Adv.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1915-07-03

Here is another inviolable rule: The
comforts of the humblest home are
superior to those of camp life.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1915-07-03
Kansas City Directory

According to history, Jonah was the
FIRST man who wanted the earth.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1915-07-03

After a woman gets on the shady
side of thirty her birthdays run to-
gether like moving pictures.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1915-07-03

If some people would take the trou-
BILE TO conceal what they think they
would be more popular.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1915-07-03

Politeness prompts a good deal of
the applause and practically all of the
laughter.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1915-07-03

Name and address of capable and reliable single man
who understands farming and ranching- Splendid
opportunity right party. (Stricty confidentia)
The Bamberg herald. [volume] (Bamberg, S.C.) 1891-1972, 1915-12-02
invigorating to the Pale and Sickly

The Old Standard general strengthening tonic.
GROVES TASTELESS ciii'l TONIC, drives out
Malaria erriches the blood aid builds up the sys.
TEN. A true tonic. For adults and children. SOC
The Bamberg herald. [volume] (Bamberg, S.C.) 1891-1972, 1915-12-02
MASTERS SALE.

BY virtue of decree of the court
of common pleas for Bamberg coun-
ty, S. c., heretofore made in the case
Of Mrs. NJ. A. Bamberg against Louise
Bennett ct al, 1, H. c. Folk, Master for
Bamberg county, will sell on Mon
day, December the 9Th, 1915, during
the usual hours of sale, before the
court house door in the town of
Bamberg, to the highest bidder for
cash, purchaser to pay for papers:
All that certain piece, parcel, or lot
of land, with buildings thereon, sit
uate, lying and being in the town OF
Bamberg, county of Bambcrg, State
of South Carolina, containing one and
three-fourths acres, more or less, and
bounded on the North and East by
lands of the estate of Margaret Lee,
on the South by lands of Thomas
Black, and on the West by Cox ave-
nue., being the lot whereon A. j. Ben
nett resided.
H. G.. FOLK,
Master for Bamberg County.
Bamberg, S. c., November 10Th,
1915.
The Bamberg herald. [volume] (Bamberg, S.C.) 1891-1972, 1915-12-02
NOTICE..

State of South Carolina, County of
Bamberg.
Notice is hereby given that on the
9th of December, 1915, in front OF
the banking house of the Bank of
Lodge, at Lodge, S. c., the Bank OF
Lodge will sell to the highest bidder
for cash ten (10) shares of stock
represented by Stock Certificate No.
81, issued by the Bank of Lodge to
w. D. Bennett on the End day of
February, 1914; the par value of
each share of stock being Fifty
(S50.00) Dollars.
That the said stock will be sold to
satisfy the unpaid portion Of the pur-
chase price therefor, and also to sat-
isfy a Collateral Note of the said w.
D. Bennett, dated May 18, 1915, for
Four Hundred and Sixteen ($416.O0)
Dollars to the Bank of Lodge, due the
18th of November, 1915, with inter-
est after maturity; the said certifi-
cate of stock being pledged as Sc
curity.
BANK OF LODGE,
BY DR.. w. NJ. Moorer, President.
President.
Lodge, S. c., November 18th,
1915. 2t.
The Bamberg herald. [volume] (Bamberg, S.C.) 1891-1972, 1915-12-02
TAX SALE.

State of South Carolina, County of
Bamberg.
By virtue of an execution to me di-
rected by G.. A.. Jennings, treasurer
of Bamberg county, l have levied up
on and will sell at public auction be-
fore the court house door in Bam-
berg, S. c., on Monday, the 9Th day
of December, 1915, the same being
legal salesday in said month, during
the legal hours of sale, the real es-
tate described below, to the highest
bidder for cash, the said sale being
for non-payment of taxes due and
owing the State of South Carolina
and the county of Bamberg:
All that lot or parcel Of land sit
uate, lying and being in the town of
Ehrhardt, county and State aforesaid,
bounded West by Broadway street;
East by lands of J. Dave Dannelly;
North and South by lands of j. H:
Roberts. To be sold as the property
of C.. Boyd Bishop.
Terms cash.
S. G. RAY, -
Sheriff for Bamberg County.
Bamberg, S. c., November 18th,
|1915
The Bamberg herald. [volume] (Bamberg, S.C.) 1891-1972, 1915-12-02

vites each of the contestants, and any
one else interested, to call and see
it. Mr.. Simmons or any Of his sales
men will take peasure in showing
you the furniture.
The second prize, sS5 order on the
G. A. Lucas Music House, Aiken, S.
c., is now on file in this Office, and
will be presented to the contestant
having the second largest number OF
votes. ...
The third prize, set of furs, the
winner of the prize may select in per-
son from Klauber's. Any set of furs
worth up to $50 may be selected.
The fourth prize is coat suit from
LaVerne Thomas & Co., and may be
selected personally by the winner. II
the winner prefers coat instead, the
exchange may be made. If Thomas
does not happen to have in stock just
what you want, he will take pleasure
in ordering the suit for you, up to a
value of s25.
The fifth prize is coat from
Hooton's Ladies Store. If the win
ner prefers a coat suit instead, she
may make the exchange. Any coat
up to a value of SIS may be selected,
and if Mr.. Hooton cannot suit you
from his stock, he will take pleasure
in ordering out just what you want.
Just as soon after the contest
closes as we can check up the ac-
counts, we will mail checks to those
entitled to them for cash commits
ions. Each contestant turning in
over $500, and not winning one OF
he five prizes, is entitled to a cash
commission of 10 per cent. on all she
ollects and turns in to US.
The Bamberg herald. [volume] (Bamberg, S.C.) 1891-1972, 1915-12-02

We wish to remind the contestants
and their friends that all remittances
made on the last day of the contest
must be accompanied with the list of
subscribers. Subscribers may pay for
the paper for as long period as they
wish, but the name of the subscriber
must be given in at the time the
money is turned in.
At o'clock, railroad time, Satur-
day afternoon, December 4th, the
contest closes Be on time. Do not
wait until 5 80 and expect your votes
to count. If you are mailing your
subscriptions in, be sure that they
are mailed in time for us to receive
the letter before o'clock next Sat-
urday.
The standing of the contestants is
published again today for the infor-
nation of the contestants. This is
the last count before the close of the
contest. Look at your Standlng, ano
make no mistake. And remember
that there are three more days only
in which to bring your standing up,
! if you are down the line.
| Next week the final standing OF
the contestants will be published in
The Herald, and the names of the
winners will also be igven. An
nouncement, however, of the winners
will be made as soon after the CON
test closes as the votes can be count
ed.
The first prize, suite of furniture,
| is now on display at G. o. Simmons s
furniture store, and Mr. Simmons in