davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Detroit times., 1915-02-08
Twas Compulsory.

Ethel used to play good deal In
Sunday school, but one day she had
been SO good that the teacher said
In praise:
Ethel, my dear, you have been a
very good girl today"
"Yeth'm," responded Ethel. IL
couldn't help II. I dot stir neck"
Chronicle.
The Detroit times., 1915-02-08
"A BLIND MANS SONG AND FIVE
YOUNG QUIHERLNC NERVOUS WREChS
A FalsNDs STORY OF THE BLIND MAN.

a FRIENDS STORY MAN.
Ths man oncs In one OF our
ssst But day he woke up and oana
HE wife had run away and that he was ~ ' anew when h.
guitar and harmonea he gradually WORKED
sSson The reporters tun. once
they realize what almost .upsrhu"sn snae.s ,
made little Of the craft ne paeees
our heart goes out at employed
Detroit Office building complained that they are annoyed O
The singing Of blind man ON the below them.
They called in newspaper reporter tell him their troubles and
the reporter young article which p0kd fun at
s Mind mans voice and the song FIVE oUIVERN
NERVOUS WRECKS"
The poor dear young gum-chewing, tangoing wrecks!
We have heard blind sing.
Every day this winter the weather he has stood
On the same corner accompaniment to his song on
saueaIy guitar and we NOT with the wrecks
something tells these winter days to STAND
On the corner from choice he doesn't from choice
He hasn't q voice.
You would call il shouting instead Of singing
But he were Caruso wouldn't have stand on
street corner spend winter street corner
likely he wouldn't attraction that he is and that
his records on the photograph would be less popular
win the Ave. poor quiverng please close their
and imagine them always total darkness and
AK themselves possible with such affection for them to
sing It al.
what Of an age may we ask when song make
young women @quivering, wrecksf'
They blind compelled by the police to quit his stand
corner calling more for
investigation these than for the police
songs popular and the dances that become popular
nopated idea Of what the matter with
young ladies and young
looks Ms the pace beginning too
had that blind endeavorng existence hould be made
70 stand
when girls about washubs and dshpans
usrat
more real good genuine moh fact there were
halls chances them fewer cabare
and fewer nights { the theater
girls better and the blind didn't CRATE
them.
much shattered as
Ear present generation concerned in saving his
for the blind
The however, viewed the
ueht IL coming generatons
led ask isn't possible that the matter whittier
We rs drifting sadly afflicted the poor fellow
paoydug one left blind ivingi
The Detroit times., 1915-02-08
OF Good Repute.

Two boys were discussing a map of
Ireland which they had been examin-
ing. Said Harry:
But think Dublin should be high
er up than they have 1t there. Don't
you think soy'
George replied: "0h. no; you
must be mistaken. These maps are
quite reliable. They're all done by
latitude and longitude. you know"
Harry gave doubtful assent.
T suppose they're tip-top hrm.
and they ought to know"
The Detroit times., 1915-02-08

Poor teeth result
In poor digestion
disturbance OF the
e ntire digestive
tract.
No child whose
teeth are not quail
fled to perform
the function re-
ouired OF them can
The Detroit times., 1915-02-08
NAMING the Source.
Inconsistent.

Differs is always talking about
his love for the plain people"
"YesY
well, the other day somebody cali
ed his daughter plain and he was
hotter than redheaded hornet
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
The Detroit times., 1915-02-08

Tramp-It n needless to ask the
question. madam. You know what
want.
Lady-Yes. I know what you want
badly, but I've only one bar OF soap
| In the house, and the servant II using
liz. Come some other time.
Mary's Shadow.
.Now. Elsie" she said. MARY fol-
lowed Edward vi, didn't she?"
Yes. ma'am." replied the little
girl. !,
"And now who followed Nary
asked the teacher. hopefully.
All was silent for a moment. then
Elsie raised her hand.
"Yes. Elsie?" Queried the teacher.
who followed Nary
Her little lamb. teacher. said
Elsie, triumphantly.-Har
A Gentle Hint.
Tourist say. guide. it's about
time we were getting near the faiis'
isn't It?
Guide-Yes, sir. May l request the
ladies to stop talking for moment.
and you will then be able to hear the
thunder Of the waters quite as
tinctly.
overIooks Nothing.
What sort Of chap Is old Squat
lopr" 49,.
cigars to him to offer him his choice,
he takes both"
Reckless Spender. :.
"How much did he pay for those
grand opera tickets"
give dollars apiece" replied Miss
Cayenne. "He must love music"
POSSIBLY. And, on the other hand.
he may have very little respect for
$6."-Washington Star.
A Leading Question.
A lawyer once opened his cross
examination OF q handwriting expert.
Where is the dog?"
What dog?" said the astonished
witness.
"The dog" replied his tormentor.
which the Judge In the last case
said he would not hang on your evil
dence."
A Hard Crowd.
One of the courtroom boys of big
Broadway. hotel plaintively told OF
the roughhouse treatment that he had
received in the early hours of the
previous morning from the enthusi-
astic guests of a hilarious dinner
party.
What kind OF dinner. was it,
asked a sympathetic listener.
why, IL was given by one Of them
college aluminium societies"
Alert.
Suspect--Well. boy. what are you
looking at me like that for?
Jealous Boy Scout ION guard at q
reservoir)--Please. sir. we're looking
for q foreign gentleman with so tons
of chemicals concealed on his person
London Sketch.
Naming the Source.
Little Annie was always glad to say
her prayers, but she wanted to be
sure that she was heard In the heav
ems above as well as on the earth
beneath.
One night, after the usual amen,
she dropped her head upon the pillow
and closed her eyes. After a moment
she raised her hand and, waving II
frantically. shouted:
80 Lord, this prayer came from 24s
Grant-ave."
| Inconsistent.
Differs Is always talking about
his love for the plain people,
"Yes?"
well, the other day somebody call
ed his daughter plain. and he was
hotter than redheaded hornet
The Detroit times., 1915-02-08

"Ha, ha! In training. my boy. to be-
come o war correspondent"
"Shucks. no. There's nothin' In war
corresponding any more. ! got bet
ter hunch."
Which is?"
"Becomin' q censor!"
The Detroit times., 1915-02-08
Laughs

Too Bad.
Tramp-lt II needless to ask the
question. madam. You know what
want.
Lady-Yes. I know what you want
badly. but I've only one bar OF soap
In the house. and the servant II using
Il. Come some other time.
The Detroit times., 1915-02-08
TEETH

Poor teeth wiz not masticate food
proparly HA
The Detroit times., 1915-02-08
From Another
Point of VieW


over in England even Poet Laurie
ate Bridges Call TO Arms was taken
seriously. Can you beat that Tor 10y
atty?
"You can't always Judge a mans
brains by the size OF his hat" says
Cad" zone OF the smartest men
ever knew wore a six-and-three-
Fights, and he's q millionaire now.
I wear seven-and-a-Quarter and am
still working for living"
"When a Teller Needs a Friend"
mo, l won't kiss you goodbye.
" you have done anything wrong
I'm through with you.' Mrs
Louis Smith TO her husband,
charged with endorsement.
THE SPRING POET
Can .Appreciatioa")
The time has come" the poet said.
ITO write of birds and bees,
or green blades leaping from the sod.
y Buds bursting on the trees
At natures soft command.
AS fervently. at break OF dawn.
l take my psn In hand"
From morn to night he scribbied ont
The stacks around him grew,
And cen the stars had gone to rest
Before he was quite through
oh. twas weighty thing,
He called his ode to Spring"
The editor sat In his lair.
A busy man was he. Ur
And when he loudly cried. Come Int"
oh III. tones eonysysd, h no g n.sn,.d on.
A sign upon the wall:
NO Dogs or Poets Are Allowed"
Quoth he; II guess that's all"
We Will Next BE Entertained by
Our $4,000 easso, Mr.. William
Melvin, Who Will Render,
Rocked In the Cradle Of the
Deep"
NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS.. you came
to me yesterday and gave me tip
ON q horse BY the name OF Deliver.
He ran second and I lost.
Tsmbo-Ah II sorry, Mi:tsh In.
tolOcutaA. but dey done top me dat
hoss ceuldn't lose. All 10 enyect,n,
how f happened de hoss finished
second Instead ub fpst. an Al ex-
poets to heah dey done forgot 60
give de h0ss his calomel.
InteFlOcut0r - Calomsl, Tnmboy
Now, why ON earth should they
give this race horse calOmelf
Tsmbo-Beca'se IL Guisksns Dc
liver.
DR.. H F. Ferry. OF Superior. Wis,
pastors nve country Presbyterian
item.
II this Is the proper verb to use In
the case Of five focks. II Is improperly
spelled. II properly spelled and an I'M
proper verb, then the pastor. we pre-
sumo, benedictions five times every
Sunday, or as many times az his fol-
lowers in the five churches congrega-
ton.
Just exactly how many sons OF
mothers have died In the European
war isn't known. but one writer says
"the war hasn't as yet developed a
real hero"
The Detroit times., 1915-02-08
Alert.

Suspect-Well. boy. what are you
looking at me like that for?
Jealous Boy Scout ION guard at q
reservoir)--Please sir. we're looking
for foreign gentleman with so tons
of chemicals concealed on HIS person.
London Sketch.
The Detroit times., 1915-02-08

Overiooks Nothing.
what sort of chap is old Squat
lopf"
.Wen. when you hold out two
cigars to him to offer him his choice,
he takes both"
The Detroit times., 1915-02-08

Just exactly how many sons OF
mothers have died In the European
war isn't known. but one writer says
"the war hasn't as yet developed
real hero"
The Detroit times., 1915-02-08

Reckless Spender.
"How much did he pay for those
grand opera ticketsT
give dollars apiece" replied Miss
Cayenne. HE must love music"
Possibly. And, on the other hand.
he may have very little respect Tor
$6."-Washington Star.
The Detroit times., 1915-09-24
The Farmers Auto
BY Webster

Several hundred thousand Amerh
can farmers have invested or will
invest in automobiles this fall. And
every such investment will add to
the attractiveness Of rural life. and
do its share In keeping boys and
girls on the farms.
With an automobile. the neigh
borhood is quadrupled in size. Wis
It's to town or 10 friends are made
easy. General gatherings al local
points are stimulated and made
more frequent. There Is better
exchange OF ideas. easier co-opera-
tion. pleasanter life. There Is like
wise n most enormous increase OF
interest In good roads.
Every farmer who buys an auto
becomes forthwith champion OF
better highways. One experience OF
gettin STALLED In the mud when ont
for a pleasure drive 10 enough 70
convert the most stubborn opponent
OF "new-fangled notions. "-Chicago
Journal.
The Detroit times., 1915-09-24
Pointed Paragraphs

Policemen, like the hairs OF a
mans head. are numbered.
An old bachelor says that love is
rot only blind but dumb.
A woman always has her suspi-
cions OF the man who never lies to
her.
Persuasion indicates a strong will.
and obstinacy a strong won't.
Men are like potatoes-they never
know when they will get into hot
water.
But a physician who takes his life
seriously is not always a dangerous
nan.
When Adam got off good thing
no one ever said: II always liked
that joke"
Some men resemble pyramids
broad at the fountain, but rather
narrow at the top.
When a mans hair begins TO turn
gray he IL said to have reached the
age OF discretion, but after II be-
gins to turn dark again It's sign
he has passed 1t.
The Detroit times., 1915-09-24
Why Emotion Often Kills.
~ n. ApDlN6ToN BRUCE.
Author Of THE Riddle Of Personality.
Psychology and Parenthood. ETC.

While everybody ought to make II point to
avoid becoming emotionally excited. there are
certain people to whom excitement Is particular
" dangerous. They are people with weak
hearts OF weak blood vessels. In their case e1'
citement may be and often is, absolutely fatai
II they wish TO make sure or escaping sud
den and untimely death, they must learn TO con.
troll their emotions. They must learn to controi
them so completely that they will remain calm
and self possessed no matter what occurs to ex-
cite them This applies to emotions OF pieasur'
able as well a painful sort
Ordinarily pleasurable emotions have stmu-
latinp inyigorating effect on the bodily organ
ism But IL the heart or blood vessels are weak.
great happiness can kill surely as great grief.
anger fear other poignanty distressing emo
ton.
three wears old fell dead at the return home OF
her daughter whom she had supposed killed In
a railway accident.
In another case youg man, who had found II
hard to earn living suddenly received word
that fortune had been left to him by distant
relative He trembled with excitement when he
heard the good news. uttered an exclamation OF
JOY. and almost Immediately expired
The explanation Of cases Of this sort. as OF
deaths resulting from excessive grief. fear, an
ger ETC., Is extremely simple.
II has been proved by various scientific expert
ments that emotional excitement OF any kind has
the effect OF INSTANTLY INCREASING THE
HEART-bEAI, AMI me DiCA
BUTTON OF THE BLOOD. Withdrawn from the
abdominal region. the blood is sent pulsng In In
creased quantity to the brain.
No matter how slight the excitement this sin
gular change in bood-distributon always oc-
ours. II occurs even in sleep IL anything hap
pens to disturb the sleeper. This was ingenious.
~ proved by the psychologist Mosso. who built
an apparatus by which the body Of man could
be balanced in a horizontal position.
The least change in the blood-dstribution was
Hats rod ny oh balance. EXDorf-
menting a person who was lying asleep on
the balance, Mosso informs US:
Scarcely had some one about to enter touch
clined toward the head. remaining immovable in
When all was quiet. of would nten-
ing foot on the ground. moving a chair and
at once the balance inclined again toward the
head remaining immovable for four Eve
minutes without the subjects noticing anything
or awaking.
Mosso adds, specifically:
1T was proved by my balance that, at the
slightest emotion, the blood rushes to the head"
In view of facts like these IL is easy to I'M
derstand why, in person OF weak heart or
weak blood vessels. excitement often kills, The
weakened heart and the weakened blood yes
sells in the brain give way under the strain OF
the suddenly Increased bood-flow. and death
from heartfaiure apoplexy results.
Let the man, then. whose doctor has warned
him TO avoid excitement. recognize clearly that
he has been given no idle warning. and that
there is ample physical reason for him to prac.
tise emotional control
The Detroit times., 1915-09-24
Extending Life of Tires

Numerous tests have shown that
a tire on front wheel, which Is
slightly out OF alignment. will wear
OF much faster than II should. In
extreme cases II has been found
that running car for less than 100
miles. with the front wheels i'm
properly aligned, will completely
wear down the tread Of the best
tire. Besides, such misalignment
causes the car TO steer hard. The
best tire saver" for the average
motorist who drives his own car In
to invest in one OF the various de-
vices on the market. insuring ALSO
lutely proper alignment, both as
to height and TO divergence from
the parallel lines. The price n
ridiculously small when compared
to the saving In tire expense.-Sci-
entinc American.
The Detroit times., 1915-09-24

sound the dread alarm Fire."
He tried to subdue the incipient blaze
and failed.
He ran for the hose; the water was
cut off,
Selling a handful of their most
precious effects Williams and his wife
abandoned the house.
Then he heard an agonized cry from
above: Daddy"
Little 3-year-old Carol had been for
gotten.
From an upstairs room. where the
smoke was densest and the flames ragged
the fercest; again came the appeal: "Oh
daddy! here | am
Pausing not a moment to think OF
self Williams plunged into the fiery
inferno.
He found the babe, fought his way to
a window. shielding Carol with his own
body, and dropped her into the arms OF
her mother.
Then exhausted, and cruelty burned,
he fell across the sill.
Neighbors at last dragged him from
the flames. unconscious.
Williams died at midnight.
Just an everyday hero, that's all, but
the kind that makes the honor crosses OF
the battlefield seem worthless baubles.
The Detroit times., 1915-09-24
The Navy

The seventeenth century canals
or navigAtions gave rise to the
navy" q term very slowly evolved
from navigator" There are many
country public houses still existing
that testify TO the navvy's early des-
isnation on their sign. The Navi.
gators Arms" which depicts a
brawny laborer with a spade in one
hand and a foaming pot OF beer In
the other. But you may search
England through ana through and
you will not find "Navvy's Arms"
Curiously enough, while the
navy who makes our roads now OBJ
tain HIS designation from digging
out canals. the canals were all legal
ly classified as roads in a great body
OF statutes-the road acts" But
what would have been his nickname
II railways had come before water
Ways London Chronicle.
The Detroit times., 1915-09-24
The League of One Dish
az Or. FRANK CRANE
Copyright. 1915. by Frank Crane)

"A year or so ago some one in Paris
proposed League of Two Dishes"
meaning league of persons pledged to
eat but two kinds Of food at any one re-
past.
Let us &c this proposer one better and
have League of One DISH"
Here are two quotations to which
great names are attached, which ] adj
duce as supporting the propositions:
Their best and most wholesome feed
ing is upon one dish and no more, and
the same plain and simple; for surely
this budding Of many meats one upon
another is pestiferous; and sundry sau-
ces are more dangerous than that. &C.
p. S. Pliny.
"For my part" wrote Addison, when
/ behold fashionable table set out in
all its magnifcence, fancy / see gouts
and dropsies, fevers and lethargies, with
other innumerable distempers, lying in
ambuscade among the dishes"
The common, universal crime amongst
those who can afford enough to eat is
eating too much.
OF all denominations established by un-
scientific custom, one of the most
abominable is the table dhote. The
formula is the same everywhere, ingen-
iously devised by some enemy Of the hui
man race to seduce the palate into muir
dering the stomach and its co-workers.
First you take cocktail, to bring on
an unnatural appetite and make you
relish the assorted mess of things you
would not otherwise want.
Then follow the hors ioeuvres, or an
tpasti. consisting of bits of sausage, salt
fish. olives, radiShes. celery, and what
not After that q plate of soup, pursued
by fish, an entree Of meat or spaghetti,
a roast meat with vegetables, salad.
frozen punch. desert. ice cream, coffee
and cheese and cordial. With all this
you mix some wine or beer, perhaps.
What human can resist this army OF
allies? Any one Of them is enough to
satisfy a normal appetite.
Much better in health would one be
if he took dish of good cereal for his
breakfast, bowl of soup for lunch, and
some one appetizing meat for dinner,
with an apple or so between meals and
plenty Of water.
We are what we eat. And little won
der our bodies are habby and our brains
inefficient, to say nothing of our dull
souls, when we are victims of such sys-
tematic gluttony!
Eating ought to be joy. 1t is a joy
undefiled. if we eat with simplicity. But
when we feed at those restaurants,
hotels, boarding houses, and even homes
where ignorance Of cooking is covered
I'm nv q multitude of foods and where we
would not eat the provender at all if it
were not disguised by sauces and gravies
and aided by drinks, then eating is but
criminal JOY, bringing disaster in its
train.
The Detroit times., 1915-09-24
A Poem a Day
OKLAHOMA.

OKLAHOMA.
Here through the ages old the deser,
slept
In soiitudes unbroken. save when
passed
The bison herds and savage hunters
swept
In laundering chaos down the val
leys vast;
But To- Across the broken shackles
slept
The free mans mighty children.
and one blast
From his transforming trumpet
niled the last
Lone covert where anrighted Wild
ness crept'
Full armed. full armored. at her
wopdrous birth.
Her shining temples wreathed with
richest dover.
She sits among the princes OF the
earth:
Her great achievements DER the
nations tower
Won by her peoples with the match
less worth
OF lofty culture. wisdom. wealth
and power
Her fields swere deserts once. but like
the sea
The tides OF life with ieaping cur
rents warm
Swept In the countless thousands
swarm on swarm
To frame the roof and plant the
houaly tree
The wildness throbbed with visions
OF the free.
And mans arm hand tanned smooth
the savage storm.
TIL slow and sure came rounding
into form
The giant limbs OF commemorative
to be-
Her prsiries laugh with plenty; her
wide streams
Roll rich. unmcaaured lengths OF
waters down,
And cities rise beside them whose
fair dreams
With stately splendors all her long
ings crown.
A rose blooms by the doorway and
love wsits
WIN LAUGHING iips orstue Hcs wen
satssi
All things OF worth her clever hands
have wrought
She stript the serpents den, the
eagles nest
And from the worlds vast wisdom
chose the best
To fashion thrones for Freedom =
latest thought:
The persisted prophets TO her child
hood taught
And learned she large from farthest
East AMI Vest;
Then 10 the stars she climbed In
daring quest
I And dsuntless for the gifts OF empire
fought
, Her fields are fertile with unwskened
power
Within her Bosom lavish Midas
poured
The golden streams OF opulence
At food:
But these she boasts not. There's n
richer dover
OF church and school her miSer
passions hoard.
or law and justice. and the
, world'A clean blood,
Freeman +. Miller.
The Detroit times., 1915-09-24
The French Army Mustache

We know that our soldiers have
been allowed to do away with their
facial hair. II has been shown that
the soldiers OF Napoleon remained
freely beardless and that the alb
sence OF hair beneath the nose ac-
corded with the views OF hygien-
lists. The opinion. combated by the
mustache school. has Just surrender
ed. An Official circular recalls to
the soldiers OF France that the
wearing of the mustache is military.
that the razored face II not so and
that the entire army should here
after avoid showing the upper lip.
Thus, the mustache has triumphed
after having been discussed, decried
and almost proscribed.-Le Cri de
Paris
The Detroit times., 1915-09-24
Anthony ComstOck
BY w. x. 4.

No one will mourn Anthony Com
stocks passing more sincerely than
the people who do not believe In
his propaganda.
q Mr.. Comstock undoubtedly did
more for the cause OF beauty and
truth than any artist or educator
in America. and he did II by making
himself utterly absurd and ridicu-
lous.
To Mr.. Comstock, almost every
thing was impure that contained any
element or suggestion Of sex.
A nude by Rodin, TO him. was just
as demoralizing as smutty post
card picture. and a book by Marga-
ret Sanger on birth-control shocked
him as much a. q secretly-distribut-
ed description OF lite in harem
as imagined by some Topographic
writer.
Nobody took him seriously except
the United States postal authorities.
few prurient Puritans and the
writer's and publishers whom he per-
sistently annoyed.
To the general public. healthy and
clean-minded. he was q joke.
Mr.. Comstock's greatest success
was accomplished in degrading q
beautiful picture of Chabas from
a work OF ert to q nude woman on
cigar-store banner, public jest
Poor. misguided. courageous Mr..
Comstock,
He played his part well. and II
was his own fault that he was q
complete, unqualified failure In his
efforts to reform the morals Of the
American people.
The Detroit times., 1915-09-24
HAD NEVER SEEN PIANOS

The Russian wounded are full of their impress
sions OF the war and OF Germany and they talk
readily Thus:
Germany is fine country-no comparison
with our poor villages-stone houses, brick
houses, three stories. fine carpets. chairs, gram.
ophones. Every house has gramophone, and
we all learned how 10 set them going One day
! had just come into house and set O gramo-
phone going when officer puts his head In at
the broken window and says: stop that music
at once!" ! didn't know how to stop n, 80 I
Just hits IL bin In the middle OF the wheel, and
II goes into bits all over the room. Then they
have fddles. and some houses have a big black
box with lid (piano), and when you open the
lid and bang II with your hand II goes Dir, Dir.
Dir, DO, DO, bo.' Golfers Weekly.