The Washington herald., 1915-12-05

My Dear Postmaster General: have
received your circular. No. 2. to post.
masters and 1 hustled to reply. The
circular asks:
| What is your religious faith?''
do you belong to any church,?
| Are you a married man?'
Have you any children?"
DO you keep pigs and chickens, tc
distract you from your duties as
postmaster"
do you attend public meetings ard
make speeches."
and horse races and leave the post
office unattended while you do so?"
| DO you keep a drug store and a
grocery attached to the postoffice?"
ment minus must 90 Exercise @ the strictest e econ.
omy in all departments. Do you real
ize this? Do you save all the string
and waste paper? Do you pick the The
tices" See? Out ot '"e psS u '"' u
do you thin kthe people of Jer-
icho would stand a raise on the price
Of stamps"
DO You charge the government.
price of backing your boots"'
icho to make the postoffice a loafing
rs there anything in or about the
postofiice that appeals to the better
when a dog night occurs in front
of the Office. do you rush out to wit
ness It or stand on your dignity be-
Are you known in any sense as an
DO you greet all callers at the
postoffice with proper warmth OF feel
aShould an explosion of kerosene
take place In the cellar OF your
Once eaHse and Interrupt the business
thereof?'
IF you keep a drug store attached
to the postoffice and in compoundins
SON, and thereby bring about the death
of citizen of your town. would
riot follow and the mails be destroy
this question and state the number
of years you have been druggist
and how many people you poisoned
before you were appointed postmas-
what occupation did you follow
the year previous to your appoint
DO you think that it will greatly
increase the business of your office
to put in a free soda fountain?"
to the best M Of sosT sbi5s and prompa
ly return the circular to this depart
ment. Do not fill out with lead pen
Gil nor a, piece of chalk. The gov
one makers brand of ink"
Thus read the circular, Mr.. Post
master General and l answered IT as
testant. % but i don't go to blowing
around about it and making other
faiths mad.
hard-shell Baptist. as my ancestors
have for the last four hundred years
been adherents to that faith. MY shell is
so hard that IL can hardly be dented with
crowbars. Perhaps IT hasn't so many
fringes on il as some churches but II
never wabbles. II is always there when
you want it.
think / have cause to think at
times. However. our family rows are
never heard beyond the house OF my
first neighbor and his whole famiiy
No, l have no children and this Is
a matter of sorrow with me. shouId
like to have seven or eight little ones
tagging me around by day and yeliing
with the collie at night. / have JUST
advertised that l am willing to adopt
at least n half dozen.
| do keep pigs and chickens, and l
claim that l am a better man for il.
In no possible way do they interfere
with my official duties. Indeed. they
bracS me up for or,ss II. in rhs me snn1 smnrnins o.
and the cackling OF my hens al moor
day, bring me a complacent frame OF
mind. You will never know what pork
is until you raise your own and you
will never know what hidden mys-
teries are concealed in boiled eggs
until you procure them right from
your own coop.
l do attend public meetings or there
would be none held in Jericho,
public meeting here has got to nave
Old Pap Pinkham present or IT would
be failure; Yes. sir. l Loom up
house. and I make from one to fve
speeches during the evening: MY re
marks are always received with thun,
derous applause and the next day l
find that business increases nun
dred per cent. The Postmaster who
preceded me retired to his bed every
night at o'clock and was never seen
at a public meeting. The consequence
was that this postoffice was woeful
wreck when l stepped in to take
II I did not attend baseball r,atcr.
and horse races IL would be thought
that / had lost my interest in jericho
and there certainly would be great
falling of in the sale of stamps /
do not always yell at the baseball
games. nor wager anything on the