The gazette-times. [volume] (Heppner, Or.) 1912-1925, 1915-09-23
THE DREAMS OF GENIUS.

1t has been some weeks since our
immortal inventive geniuses were set
to the tasks of providing a new and
simple means of National defense.
The idea of thus outwitting the pom
derouS devices of Mars originated
with the genial naval humorist. Sec
retary Daniels. Necessarily Secretary
Daniels had no particular line of in
ventive procedure in mind and that
was left to the matchless ingenuity of
brains that find the solving of such
profound problems daily amusement.
1t was suggested that perhaps some
means of sinking vessels by electrical
waves from hidden shore batteries
could be devised. However, that was
a mere suggestion. The inventors
might perfect means of sinking
warships by wireless if they saw fit.
Anything was satisfactory to Mr..
Daniels. seemingly, except a larger
and more adequate Navy.
So far, the method of protecting
our shores through the medium of
our inventive genius has not been
perfected, but while We are waiting
for the solution of the trifing prob
lem it might be we'll to review the
result of similar activity in Europe,
where Secretary Daniels idea appears
to have occurred in several thousand
minds of similar trend
A Petrograd correspondent of the
Philadelphia Ledger notes that the
Russian War Ministry had several
highly developed plans submitted for
establishing Russian supremacy over
the Kaiser's hosts. In fact, the total
number of plans during the year was
1900. All but 100 of these ideas
it is recorded. we're clouded by the
heavy odor of mandragora, while all
of the practicable 100 were rusted by
the mists of antiquity. Russian in
ventive patriots were invited to de-
sist. The Ministry had real business
at hand. What Russia needed was
men and guns, not idle dreams.
1t is not strange that among the
1900 assorted plans was at least
one that contemplated eliminating
the enemy by electrical waves. 1t is
noted that one plausible genius
named Voyvitch inveigled the mill
tary authorities to a demonstration
of his device for annihilating Ger
many, Austria and Turkey with arti-
fetal lightning flashes. Of course his
contrivance didn't work and the fail
ure disgusted the observers. includ-
ing Voyevitch's wife, who promptly
left him. Doubtless he has since di-
rected his inventive skill to providing
mechanical means of performing
household duties.
In Germany the inventors and
cranks are equally busy. Some of
them are rendering valuable assist
ance, but they are the practical men
who concern themselves with subma-
rines, flying machines, big shells, and
high explosives. The only real inno-
vation that has come from them has
to do with chemical processes for gen.
Grating poisonous gases. A CORE
spondent describes some of the more
ambitious" plans which provide for
a little of everything from drowning
out hostile nations to changing the
laws of Nature in Germany's behalf
A Hungarian genius is going to put
a quick end to the allies when he per.
| fects a few minor details of his pei
idea. He has discovered method o1
altering climate. When his completed
formula is put to work it will reduce
the temperature to point at which &
polar bear would promptly stiffen ant
die. A cold reception is in store fol
the allies when this creative mint
gets his plan in operation.
Another one, named Alderman
has a plan that will render his hom
town of Munich immortal. The mode
is already complete. It provides
huge tunneling machine which move
under armies at the rate of five mile
day, thus paving the way for Ger
man divisions to spring up in the rea
of their foes. If this subterraneal
monster does not end the war the gul
of another German genius namet
Meinicke will surely do it. This gu
will throw shells an incredible mum
ber of miles and has trajectory cal
culated to threaten the solar system
Still another one is perfecting sys
tenn of magnets that will dispose O
the allied navies by drawing them ou
into the zone of submarine activity
Another one had a fine idea for flood
ing half of Poland by making use @
the Vistula, but the doughty Germa
army ran the Russians out of tina
territory before this budding geniu
could make his name immortal.
Meanwhile British genius appear
to be confined to literary and lingua
activities applied to the field of Goa,
ing recruits into the ranks and e'
planning why these recruits don't d
something after they are trained
Frenchmen, for their part, seemingl
are too busy conducting the majo
, portion of the allied fighting to vast
time and energy chasing inventiv
will-o' -the-wisps ps.-Oregonian.