The Birmingham age-herald., 1915-02-28
How New York
 Treats Visitors

Is a show of sum kind in town eyvery nitI Moving pictures evven run in the da} time. On Broadway enny aftulnoon yd| can while away the hours by attindir| polite vawdiville, but you should sit wa
 back and avoid sect in the orkestra unlel you air willing to take chances when tl| audience begins to throw things at the be } linur.
 Also theere air menny of theese cabbe} eyes in New York wheere yung ladies ear| a meer pittense-not enuff to buy cloths if apperenses count for enny thing-h| dansing amung the audiense and occasio} ely imprinting burning kiss upon the q feet and hairless dome of sum respectabu| old gentulman who has wondered dow,| town seeking innosent amusemint.. Sud practise would occasion talk amung oJ| sosial set down home, but up heer it quite the thing. If one has time to wastI at one of theese cabbereye things he cs| get rid of lots of time and all his resury
 fund about as handily as enny wheere elsI If he feels that he must have exsitemint, A should not overlook this opportunity. \ theere he can lite an expinsive collorad madurow 5-sent seegar and veew the seed of elligant refinemint unfolded before hir| At varius and sundry inturvals he is pei mitted to purchase the luxuries for whid| the establishmint is famus Sum butifl yung lady, who, in hur hurry to be of he1 to you, left most of hur regalier at home q the piano, will suggest sandwich and bottle of imported Heedsick Imperial PiI sen, maid in Jursey City, and how can yo| refuse yung lady9 So she will bring yo| sed sandwich and sed bottle and charge yo| only six bones for the same. The contin1 of sed bottle will remove the varnish an| the coat and vest .frum the lining of you stummick in 10 minutes, and you find tlI sandwich was cut out of an old boot. A the same time you've a,t to admit th4 you air having swell time.
 Then perhaps the orchestra will play lively tune and the highly entertaining all strictly ellevating "Dansant' will beg1 opperasion. Moor than likely they wi danse the "Bowwery Wiggle,' which !wa passed by the Nasionel Board of Sehso| ship while under the inflewanse of c]orr| form
 The Bowerry wiggle is dansed by tl| fore hundred and the crown heds of the q fet East, so it Is all rite.
 If you air cummingrto New York on pleasure trip, it is advisabull to cum alon| unless you have lost all regard for yol| standing as church membur back hom| No one who contimplates running for q fise ought to vissit New York with part of his constituency. You should, by q meens, dissuade your wife and puther-ijj law frum making the trip. One cannot e9 tirely abandun himself to the gay and fe| tive activities of this grate city if he h I a bunch of feemail relatives sticki1| round in the offing
 Of corse, have heer only cassuelly mel stoned a few of the major attractsions ol
 finds heer, all of which is verry refreshir| after munths upon the continint of UropI wheere theere is plenty of exsitemint q most as fatel as find heer. l do this for tl bennefit of those who may think of cu1| ming to New York, so that they will thin it ovver and deside not to do so. . With n kindest persunnel regards to you, Mist1 Edditur, and also to Mrs. Edditur, Iam,
 Yours trooly,
 BILL VINES.