The central record. (Lancaster, Ky.) 18??-current, 1915-09-09
Ruben's Old Dad
What Busted Him All to Squash
BY Nj QUAD
Copyright, 1915. by the Mcclure
Newspaper syndicate

I'm Tennessee, TO find crowd In front
of a saloon, and as began inquirins
the cause OF the excitement young
man Of twenty turned and replied:
stranger, can tell yc all about II.
DO you want 10 see the corpseT
lis some one deadT"
Dead rs a coon track. and it's my
own dad at that"
Been n row heref"
mot n bit Of u. Dad Jest made
fule OF hisself He's In thar waitin
fur a cart to take hisself home to be
laid out and buried"
"Neyer seed nuthin' TO ekal IL In all
my bon days" said a man In the
crowd.
Il was right yere or | wouldn't hey
sniggered to II nohow," added sec.
ond.
"It was Jest this way, stranger"
continued the son as he picked a silver
or a pine box and began 10 whittle mt
Il with spring back jackknife: Dad
and me comes down yere this mornin
to buy a mewl Dad was powerful
frisky all the way down. and he sea
to me, ser he:
Ruben, kin outwalk. outrun, out
shute, outholler and outlick anything
on top OF this yere airth's surface
IL sees dad was purity chucky. and
seq TO him, ! seq:
dad. you's top OF the heap round
yere. and nobody kin deny II, but doan'
you 20 and meet up with no fight In
town. Yves arter mcwl, we Is, and
we doan' want no fussin' nor nuthin'.
And with that dad jumps 10 feet
high, and cracks his heels together.
and whoops out that he's bar traps,
pizen. powder and catamount all boil
ell down into one and that he's dan
gerous II anybody goes TO PICK up MS
hind foot
"iaas, and l hears him boiler when
he's a mile away" said one or the
crowd.
"Of co'se you did" replied Ruben;
'of co'se. Dad was powerful on hol-
lerin'. He'd holler bar out'n tree
half a mile away. When he got down
yere thar was u Teller from Memphis
with a patent liftin' masheen a-stand-
In right yere. Thar's the pieces OF II
agin this fence, while the Teller his
self Is ten miles away and still run.
MIN"
But twasn't his fault" protested a
man on muleback
II amt sayin' as twas" placidly
answered Ruben. I'm sayin' as dad
got mixed up and made a fule OF his
self. No sooner had he sot eyes on
the masheen than he cracks his heels
together and crows ike rooster and
ser TO me. ser he:
Ruben, I kin pull the hull state OF
Tennessee right up by the roots II I
"Yaas, / heard him say them re
marks" put In one OF the crowd.
"Of co'se he said en- continued
Ruben: "of co'sc. He spit on his
hands. grabbed them ere handles and
when he Strengthened M I lest felt the
ground tremblIn' MI around"
.so'd II, calle,, seven or eiebt voices
in charms
.D,d had one side ~ IN. hull CONN.,
fry ,,f,ed nm two Zoo, high when ,bere
was n rim and A., s,nosh ,bem handles
,oro ON, tho mosbs.n eew % p,oces
ana On. ,,rtb snnk hack with n cling
which made us dizzy"
.rben vopr father had broLa, n
,Iood vase, or some,bin, q, tho sor, p,
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