Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1915-06-12
AN ESSAY ON KANSAS WEATHER
A Companion Piscs to the Home Coming
Of Col. Hucka


Of Col. Huchs
Given by Mrs. J. O. Cortright in re-
sponse. tosrell~ call at-'last meeting of
Locust Club, June IS, 1915.
Isreverently believe that the maker,
who made us all, made everything in
Kansas but the weather don t
know who makes that, but 1 think it
must be run by apprentices in the
weather clerks factory, who expert
ment and learn how in Kansas, for
board and clothes, and then are pro-
NOTED to make weather for states
like Ohio that require a good article,
and will take their custom else where
if they don't get it.
There is sum ptuous variety about
Kansas weather that compels the
strangers admiration-and regret.
The weather is always doing some-
thing there, always attending strictly
to business, always getting up new
designs, and trying them on the peo-
pie to see how-they will go.
But it gets through more business
in the spring than any other season.
In the spring L have counted I49
different kinds of weather IN "a
hours.
If you want to make a fortune at
the Exposition, get up the mar rvelous
collection of weather as Kansas
chief exhibit, and l assure you it will
astonish foreigners of every cline.
The people of Kansas are by nature
patient and forbearing, but there are
=
Every year they kill lot of poets for
writing about Beautiful Spring.
These are usually casual visitors who
have their notion of spring from some
where else, and cannot, of course,
know how the natives feel about
spring.
Coburn has mighty reputa-,
tion for accuratef prophecy, and
thoroughly well deserves it. You.
take up tho papers, and observe how
crisply and confidently he cheeks off
what todays weather is going to be
on the PACIFIC, down South, in Ohio,
see him sail along in the joy and
pride of his power, till he gets to
Kansas aud then see his tail drop.
He doesn't know what the weather
is to be In Kan as;- he can ,ts- tell any
more than he can tell if theref will be
a wheat crop or not.
Well he smiles over it, and by and
by he gets out something like this:
probably southerly winds varying to
southwark and westward and east
ward and points between; high and
low barometer, sweeping around
from place to place; probably wind
storms followed by complete darkness
and earthquakes. Then he jots down
this postscript. tBut it is possible
that the program may be wholly
changed in the meantime
Yes, one of the brightest gems in
certainty of it. There is only one
thing certain about it and that is
this: You are certain there is going
to be plenty of it. A perfect grand
review. But you can never tell
which end of the procession is going
to move first. Rains are due, June
freshets, but instead of that you get
a nice gentle breeze, which in three
days is warranted to dry up all vege-
Uation, and in four days every bit of
fat is fried out of humanity, which
accounts for the number of lean peo-
pie in Kansas.
The fat ones that remain are the
people that dote on that kind of
weather-or go to the mountaing for |
a change.
Now as to the size of weather in
Kansas : lengJhwise / meant is |
utterly disproportionate to the size of
the state. Half the time it is packed |
as fullsas it can stick. You will see |
Kansas weather sticking out beyond |
the edges and projecting around,
hundreds of miles over the neighbor-
ing states. She can't hold a tenth |
part of her weather.
You can see cracks all about; where
she has strained herself trying to do |
it.
/ could write volumes about the |
inhuman perversity of Kansas wealth
er, but will give but a simple Snaci-t