davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington herald., 1915-08-15
AUNT SALLY'S BIKE

that it was an invention of Satan; in
the next place. it moved too fast for
didn't care to get there quite SO soon
Two or three of the young men
bought bikes and used them for fort
f the st Ht to- added to pubiic opinion
discouraged them. The stranger to
Poolsville. who came into town at a
pretty sure to leave it at a gait OF
Ave miles.
They had heard at Poolsville that
women rode the bike as we'll as men.
in a great many towns. but they heard
It seemed monstrous. should a female
Of Poolsville so far forget herself
as to ride a bike through the street
would not compare with hers. II she
was turned into a pillar of salt. the
pillar would be knocked to pieces
with an az and spread s,s broadcast for
Aunt Sally Tooker. knew just how
the bike was regarded In her home
town. and she knew that she was so
good example for the younger folks.
Nevertheless, she had only reached
GuiIford. when she said to her sister:
81, nsi; ;s .n ksss; have they bikes for
why, Of course" was the reply.
Then get on your bonnet and go
with , me to 0. buy one"
NO. sir, for yours truly: Aunt Sally
Tooker! I have come over here to
learn to ride the bike. and I can't
get at It a minute too soon. ! know
I shall have about forty tumbles, and
1 want them over with as soon as pos
sible."
bike in Poolsviiiew gasped the sis
ter" Why they will mob yon over
LET them mob and be darned That's
where I'm going to ride the bike. The
to wake her up. She isn't within nifty
years Of being up-to-date. but you
lust wait . couple of weeks till Aunt
Sally gets home again"
It was shown during the bike-craze.
of twenty years ago. that . woman
could learn to ride the bike sooner
than q man. She would also take
more risks and chances with II. than
= boy. In two days. Aunt Sally had
learned 70 stick on In two more,
street. , In we. week q. she SRuld ri ride up
Guilford had expired. she started for
The Washington herald., 1915-08-15

And let four or Ave months go
let some one else seize that golden
1 think 1 Can carry this affair through
without your help. It is the last time
l shall consult you about a business
come back and write my little letter
SO as to mail it in the morning"
"5ust wait minute: Mr. NIB, sewser,"
the hall. Our family butcher is not
an Australian. but. of course. he
knows all about cattle. Take your pa +:
the article. and get his opinion of it,
Mr.. Bowser hesitated a moment but
took the paper along He found the
the shop. and holding the paper out.
he pointed to the article and said:
Please read that, and tell me what
o h link sSsqt II nk os Of
scale"
had read fifteen lines. When he was
half he nSe ss roa re asa saa and
Well. what won't you be into
You have read the article. sir"
asked Mr.. Bowser, with great dig
4 have"
And what do you think of it,"
You have read IL to Mrs Bowser.
haven't you?" was queried. in answer.
SER"
well, Mr. Bowser. there is a new
dance out for the fashionable world
There is hop in it. 1t is said to be
mighty hard to get that hop in the
right place"
But what in blazes has a new
dance or a new hop got to do with
this cattle business" demanded Mr..
Bowser.
oh, as to that" replied the laugh
ing butcher, Il wouldn't go into cat
tie / would go into kangaroos in
stead"
For why, sir?"
That they might show the dancers
how to get that difhcult hop"
Mr. Bowser went home, and the
Australian cattle business suffered
sudden death
The Washington herald., 1915-08-15

anVbodV.s buggy. She could not ride
we'll enough for a prize al me fsra
fair. but when the boys , OF " in snc.
cession. and never bat an eye, tney
threw their caps in the air and calico
her a jim dandy. - ,a
into Pooisville. is a hill with gentle
sIone half a mile long, and 1t was
the hour of noon. one day. when Aunt
Sally Tooker reached the brow of this
hill. There she rested and looked down
upon the village. 1t seemed asleep
There were hogs lying in the mudholes
| taking their MONDAY maps, and there
hay in the old barrels to be found
here and there. Not so much as boy
on his way to the grocery, after vim
egar, could be seen. Had it been a
score of years later, the German ms
could have taken the town. without
the loss of a single man.
1t was after Aunt Sally had survey
utes. that she uttered three or four
long screams. and mounted her
bike and started down the hill Though
port of cannon would. all of sud-
den people appeared at their doors.
and their gates and exclaimed to each
other; ,
Has the Judgment Day come at LAST
1t hadn't. but Aunt Sally Tooker and
her bike had.
grade. holding her bike steady with
one hand. and waving her bonnet with
i essa the seeR world around Poolsviiie! The
exclaimed and some few Of them made
s sSs . Ren, through hu1 that Village like
reached reached out his nose for a t smell Of
what was s;s s.aa an fak ne Just
or three Of the sleeping hogs, awoke
and rolled over to see what II was
all about: and when the bike ran over
thought the time had come when they
were to be turned into spare-ribs and
At the farthest outskirts of the vii.
lage, Aunt Sally turned about and
came whizzing back to dismount in
front of the postofice where the crowd
they t ahSassf 81 aPd that a. inquire sos.
cheered her. but the crowd as q
crowd. gave her to understand that
though she was aunt ,bs sally
Indeed, she was advised to make some
other town her home as soon as pos
Now. ma. you have done IL" was
the greeting Of her daughter. as she
Yes, I have woke up Poolsville.
was the proud reply.
II wasn't an hour later before the
hum" was heard and seen. The min
lister Of Aunt Sally's church appeared
to ask:
SISTER, is that your bike?'
81 paid SIS for IL. Parson."
And are you going to ride 1t II
Poolsville?"
''Mornine, noon and night, anl
some times in the afternoon"
Then. sister. you must take the
consequences
IT will. Parson."
The consequences were that charges
we're preferred against Aunt Sally FOR
conduct unbecoming a Christian wom-
an, and she was summoned to appear
before the committee and answer
them. This summons didn't scare. her
q cents worth. She was plainly told.
by more than one neighbor, that they
could neighbor with her no more. II
the summons did not scare her. these
The Washington herald., 1915-08-15

Thinse in and around the village
of Poolsville. had got into perilous
state.
Not a thu peddler had entered the
town. for six weeks. and half the
pans and coffee-pots were leaking.
There had not been a thunder show
er for over a month. and then it was
a little one for a cent.
Corn was growing too fast and the
lazy men complained that there was
too much work to do.
Business was so quiet that an order
for a whole gallon of molasses was
almost towns talk.
Prayer at the churches
were very SHINY attended. and some
folks said that religion was even
worse than business.
One of the inhabitants of Pools
Vile. was Aunt Sarah Tooker. She
was a widow six years ago. who lived
with her daughter. Aunt Sally had al
ways been a hustler. and when a dull
time came to Poolsville. she had al
ways been ready to bestir herself to
end it, She was ready to help end
this. She went to Deacon Thatcher
and Indignantly asked:
a Are you men gong 10 let THIS Town
fall into it's mudhole and give a last
gasp"
why, Aunt Sally. what can be
done?" he asked in reply. We orter
have an earthquake. but we shan't
get one. II we had a big hre ii would
ruin half a dozen of US. 1t might run
for week and bring on a flood. but
il amt a-goin' to do any such darn
thing. We are in rut here. and we've
got to stay in that rut till Providence
boosts us out Of II"
II don't say that I am bigger than
Providence" continued Aunt Sally.
but am going to get this town out
Of that rut or perish in the attempt
II It's the way look at II. you men
haven't got the hustle about you to
chase a skunk through the town"
Better be careful how you hy in
the face Of Providence" solemnly
warned the Deacon. as he turned
AVA
The Washington herald., 1915-08-15

a head Then they go aboard a ship.
of course they do. You wouldnt
expect to swim them in from Aus
tralia to the United States?"
But won't there be another charge
Mr.. Bowser was silent. He was taken
by surprise.
And won't a dozen or SO men have
TO come with them to care for them
on the long voyage?"
Mr., Bowser began to hitch uneasily
And about the fodder" continued
Mrs: Bowser. of course they have got
and / am thinking that the hay viii
And you must figure. too. on losing
oS Sersain 1 number be9s, and every one lost
Mr.. Bowser began to look purple in
the face, and his ears twitched. which
was sure sign that his soul was not
Then there will be an expense on
landing your cargo. It isn't likely, that
you can sell the cattle on board and
at a minutes, NOTICE. You may have
to care for them for a day or two
You may even have to ship them by
rail TO Chicago. and that will be an
Mrs bowser. this has turned out
ser. as he stood up and waved his
nen of Xnt 1me srea hax srRe foS
tune. you have opposed 1t. You are
opposing this opportunity. Not one
blessed word of encouragement from
you"
II said at the start that if I could
honestly encourage you. ! would do
So but matter as great as this
should be carefully considered You
don't seem to have considered it. You
have looked only on the one side.
You have only the statement in a
newspaper that there are eleven mil
lion wild cattle in Australia,
But would the newspaper lie about
it," he demanded.
1T might be mistake she replied:
Nobody has counted those cattle. II
they were fat cattle. as you assert.
why don't the Australians round them
up and sell and ship them away Or
whv don't the Australian farmers put
them with there own stock"
Keep right on with your sarcasm.
The Washington herald., 1915-08-15

and condition proved how often he
had eaten her cake and cheese Great
about TO place the trap in a tub of
water and drown him. when the Rat
calmly inquired:
Your name is Jones. isn't it,?
wife Of sam Jones. who hasn't
sweat his collar for the last fifteen
years"
Yes.
And over there on the grocery
White. and a dozen other chaps equal
ly as lazy as Jones'"
Yes: the usual crowd has got to-
gether over there to chaw tobacco
and talk horse" replied Mrs. Jones.
Well now continued the Rat.
turn me loose into that lumber pile:
the antics of that hog rack. I'll agree
to return and be drowned"
After due reflection Mrs. Jones de
cided to try the experiment, As the
Rat ran for shelter he was observed
by all. and minute later headed bH
Jo9es the crowd w Vas d bors u for the
boiling summer sun. fourteen men
tossed that lumber around in hopes TO
search was finally abandoned Jones
had got UP steam enough to bring out
three boils which had lain dormant in
at least half of the others had to go
home and wash their necks and get
into clean shirts tIo snd collars,
Jones as he met her down the cellar
next day. dead opportunities are sim
sues. If properly erasped. lead up to
success.
huskinE corn in the field Fox came
out of The bushes and said:
My fur is not prime. and therefore
it would be no gain to you to kill me"
"I guess that's right the re-
And as your chickens. are not fat
hle of killing"
Therefore, we can talk like two
T feel that way"
L was sure YOU would meet me In
like spirit. Wheeled the Fox Ok N VOW
set traps around your hen house to
catch eoS Ss, and yea weasls Sou that come
And caught a number of pesky
varmints. TOO. J. hear"
served EN- right: I haze always
Hares When you used to set traps
il was always at night. wasn't IT.?
And never in the afternoon"
Never What would be the use?"
That's so-thats SO. I am not an
animal to butt in, but got 10 won.
derinc about IL the other day and
thought Id ask you the first time we
met"
Glad to give you any information
On agriculture" said Uncle Ruben, and
then they began to tall about corn
and oats Presently the Fox grew
restless and said he had a date with
the Postum and took his departure.
AS soon as Reynard was well clear
Of Uncle Ruben started for the mouse
on the run. and having set three traps
around the hen house returned to the
field He had scarcely renewed work,
when his wife sounded an alarm on
the dinner horn. and he obeyed II 70
find his Fox caught in one OF the
traps.
Well" he aueried as he regarded
the captive.
But you assured me that you never |
set trap in the afternoon" protest.
ed the Fox. |
And you assured me that my chick
ems were not fat enough to tempt |
your appetite"
There seems to be a mistake here
Il think so myself As a Fox YOU |
would not be after my poultry Az
Weasel you'd have no conscience
Therefore It Is not as a Fox. but as a |
The Washington herald., 1915-08-15
HAD BEEN THERE.

In putting away the change given
her by a conductor of a Twenty-third
on the floor. She counted up and found
IL was a penny. but nevertheless she
began searchinsr all around with her
eyes. A man finally found II and re-
stored IL to her. And when she thank
ed him he said:
IT'S only a penny, but I know how
you feel about II. 1t isn't that the
loss would seriously cripple you finan-
YOU don't want the conductor to and
II and go of on a bowling spree for
a week or two"
She gave him a look which broke
two ribs and put his left eve out. and
then the car rolled on with its usual
placidity.
The Washington herald., 1915-08-15

Aunt Sally went home to say to her
"Hanner. I am going over to Gull
ford. to see sister Kate for two
weeks" -.
Amt this very sudden. mother
ut is. but it needs something very
sudden here. I shall go suddenly and
But What is up. mother"
You wait till I come back to hnd
out when you hear the shouting. come
running to the gate. even II you have
no more. John Bakers boy Is going
to drive me over to Guilford in his
buggy, and there he Is and l am
off"
1t was in the early days Of the bike.
The machine had been adopted in al.
most every other town around. but
Poolsville and frowned upon II. In
the first place. the two ministers In
The Washington herald., 1915-08-15
BOWSER LOSES A FORTUNE
And 1t Was All Mrs. Bowser's Fault

million cattle, It makes a chill 60
over me when ! think Of it,'
And II does me, too" was replied.
And I have your encouragement in
this. have II" rather timidly asked Mr..
Bowser.
If 1 can honestly give it"
But isn't it big thing? Isn't it
a grand thing? Isn't it as plain as
but there are two or three little
things you have forgotten to put in.
Mr.. Bowser. You say you get your
cattle to a seaport tor three dollars
The Washington herald., 1915-08-15

said Mr.. Bowser. as he turned away
in disgust.
But II you want my help, you must
give me facts. As i look at il. you
wouldn't make Ave dollars head
even IL you didn't lose that much. The
Australians have sent a few cargoes
of fresh beef over here, but they have
shipped no cattle on the hoof
doubt very much if any steamer would
consent to bring such a cargo. How
ever. you can write, to your old
friend for particulars and details. and
would advise you to do it,"
The Hays free press. [volume] (Hays, Kan.) 1908-1924, 1915-10-09

1901 enlisted men. This is a shortage of sol.
dfers of 1,420 agreeably to the force authorized
by law, and this is intimation of the extreme
iy heavy work that the men would have to face
IN case of hostilites, because we are minus a
vitality necessary reserve.
The average layman has but the slightest
knowledge of the extremely technical character
of the Coast Artillery CORPS and to be proficient
these soldiers receive a many-sided education.
Theirs is the task of getting advantage of the
enemy before the foe can locate the position of
our guns and mortars and the whole system of
defense is the exact opposite of the way in
which hostile squadron would approach its ag-
gressive task
From the very beginning of the planning of our
existing seaboard batteries the idea of conceal
ment was the first concern. The mortars were
designed to be hidden away in pits-each OF
them holding four of these weapons. The heavy
rifles were not to be in plain sight with their
threatening muzzles peering the crests OF
parapets. Instead the disappearing carriage was
invented for mount. These gave the rifles the
power to crouch while loading or awaiting serv-
ice, and then, when the moment for action ar
rived, to spring up suddenly from behind their
embrasures, to fire directly at the foe, and by
the force of their own recoil to sink from view
and into position for reIoading.
How is it possible for weapons of this sort to
be aimed at their targets? It is commonly known
that in naval service the guns are held upon
their quarry by means of electrically operated
mechanisms that swing and elevate the rifles
SO that the cross hairs OF the telescope sights
be kept right a moving target even though
the sea be rough and the vessel roll The gun
pointers are undisturbed by this motion, and at
$4,000 yards and able to do some won
derful shooting But the gun pointers and train
ers in the mortar pits and the emplacements of
the big rifles do not, themselves, the enemy.
Yet despite this seeming handicap still they are
able to do some extraordinarily effective work.
The army gun pointers near New York with
1O-inch disappearing rifles, have been able to fire
four shots in a total elapsed time of less than
one minute, and these concentrated upon a
target four miles away being towed at the rate
of something over five miles hour. All four
shots struck the target and actually passed
through rectangle "a feet high by So feet long
At 1900 yards the calber guns at Fortress
Monroe scored six hits out of six shots at a NOV
ing target. The total elapsed time of the firing
slightly over two minutes, the batteries scor-
ing IA hits per gun per minute.
The science of surveying has made these
achievements possible. though, as has been
said, the guns and mortars must be trained and
elevated by men who cannot their targets
1t is well-known theorem in plane geometry
that the length of the two sides of triangle may
be found if the length of the base and the degree
Of the two angles formed by the sides in question
with this base are known. In the case of the
The Hays free press. [volume] (Hays, Kan.) 1908-1924, 1915-10-09

coast artillery problem the distant ship of the
foe is at the remote tip of the imaginary triangle
and the known base is the span between two OBJ
serving or range-hndfng stations. This interval
may be mile and within some limits
the longer the better for accuracy.
Many have seen from afar at our coast defense
stations what seemed to be big bird boxes
mounted upon towering tubular supports web
work Of steel. There are always two of them
and officially they known as the primary and
secondary range stations. In each of them, IN
time of service, there at least two men. One
turns by means of a delicatey graduated
mechanism powerful telescope from right to
left, and his function is to keep the moving tar
get continually at the point of intersection of
two cross hairs in the field of his instrument.
His companion reads off at prescribed intervals
the angle made by the telescope with the per-
manent base and the far-away foe
The same thing is being done at the other
range station at the opposite end of the base A
time bell rings at each of these stations every
20 seconds, and at the third stroke the man read
ing the angular scale telephones that measure
ment to the plotting room located where the
enemy cannot see it and itself in telephone
communication with each gun or mortar division
In the plotting room group Of men make use
of the information coming to them intermittentIv
from the range-fnding towers and by a graphic
process determine with great nicely the distance
OF of the steaming foe The plotting table or
board where the information from the observers
is applied is a big semicircular afair-the curved
edge being graduated to fractions of a degree
while the straight edge or diameter represents
on a definite scale the length of the base line
between the two spotter towers At each end
OF this base line is a pivoted ruler One is called
the primary and the other the secondary-corre-
spending to the range-inding station with which
its operator is in touch by telephone Here is
what follows:
The soldiers at the primary and secondary
pivoted rulers or arms bring the free ends to-
ward one another in accordance with the sepa-
rate angles telephoned to them A third man
operates another ruler called the gun arm which
measures the distance range of the axis of
this triangle. At the word of command from the
range officer the observers at the two telescopes
bring these powerful instruments to bear in
unison upon a chosen part OF the remote shin
AT the order Take" the scale readers telephone
the figures to the operators at the plotting board
In a few seconds the in charge there has
placed on a large sheet of paper dot at the
point where the two straight edges meet and
has marked this pencilled point No l.
Again, 20 seconds later another dot is made
where the shifting straight edges meet and this
is numbered 2. Similarly positions are thus re-
corded for No. 3 and No. f. and if the distance
between these dots is uniform the plotters know
that the target is moving at a steady speed and
the path dots gives visible trace of the direc
The Hays free press. [volume] (Hays, Kan.) 1908-1924, 1915-10-09
How the Fight Started.

A man went into a local hardware
store Saturday and said, Il want to
buy saw" relates the Cedarvale
County Liner. The merchant showed
him one and he said, How much is
it?" The merchant replied, 81 so"
The customer said, 81 can buy the
same saw from Hoopempucky & Co.
for S1.35." Mr. Hardware man said.
Il will sell you that saw at Hoopem-
pucky's terms" The customer gave
the merchant S1-35. Now" the hard
ware man replied, Give me twenty
five cents for express charges, five
cents for money order and two cents
for a stamp" The customer forked
over the money. Mr.. Merchant hung
the saw back on the hook and said.
Now wait ten days until you get it. -
Kansas City Star.
The Hays free press. [volume] (Hays, Kan.) 1908-1924, 1915-10-09
Good News for Hungry Man.


They had been settled in their spick
and span new home Just one week
and on the Saturday Reginald rushed
home eagerly from his of1ce.
Ermentrude met him on the door
step, her face wreathed in smiles.
"Oh, ducksey." she gurgled, wiley
has made you something awfully nics
and special for your dinner todayG
Guessi"
Reginald. who liked good things to
eat. reeled on a list OF about fifty OF
his faTOrite dishes Then he paused
in dismay- His precious Ernie was
weeping
-W-w-hat's the natter" he gasped.
'O-o-Ohi" she sobbed. as she threw
herself on his neck Ny h-h-heart Is
broken II thought you'd g-guess
straight OF that I'd mm-made soms
b-b-butterscotch2
The Hays free press. [volume] (Hays, Kan.) 1908-1924, 1915-10-09

1 kept getting worse. Ny limbs from
my ankles to my knees sEelled and
my eyes were so swollen that I
couldn't see As last hope thought
I would give Dodd's Kidney Pills a
trial. I gradually improved and kept
on taking them and they cured me
thoroughly"
Dodd's Kidney Pills, SOC per box at
your dealer or Dodd's Medicine Co.
Buffalo, N 7. Dodd's Dyspepsia Tab
lets for Indigestion have been proved.
SOC per box.-Adv.
The Hays free press. [volume] (Hays, Kan.) 1908-1924, 1915-10-09
Lona-DIstance Cash

Clothes were never so cheap. A
dollar goes long ways in this store, -
said the proprietor to the woman Gus
toner
How far did your dollar go?" asked
Sonny.
What do you mean, boy?"
i mean the dollar, ma, that the
man put into that little racing car on
the wire Did it go as far as that
other lady's two dollars?''
The Hays free press. [volume] (Hays, Kan.) 1908-1924, 1915-10-09

of his early life rang in his ears and
he could not resist the temptation to
cover the ground where he made his
fortune in his younger years.
Chase was not so successful IN his
first days banning as he was In the
Sos. but was delighted when he found
color in his pan Il think [ could
show some OF you old miners q trick
IN this business yet" said Chase to
some OF the men who have been min
ing here with Indifferent success for
years
The old man does not look more