The Southern herald., 1915-01-22
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THE SALESGIRL TALKS
BY CLARENCE CULLEN.

BY CLARENCE CULLEN.
1t was one of those loathly match
ing" missions, undertaken, with dire
full threats in case Of nonfulhllment
at the breakfast table that morning
that brought me alongside the ribbon
counter Of the great department store
Four women were ahead of me at
the counter. None of them appeared
to know whether she wanted cerise or
alice-blue ribbon. But they all seemed
to be perfectly certain that the sales
girl, who had a great many puffs, an
uptilted nose, and a certain self-pro-
tecting manner of independence, was
trying to put something over on them
Therefore they one and all spatted
with her. The spats we're unequal
because the salesgirl needed her job
After going over the entire stock all
four of the women decided that they
wouldn't buy any ribbon
Il seen you lampin' them four
pills." said the salesgirl as she took
my matching" sample and studied it
with tired eyes. How would yuh like
to stand behind here and let about a
thousand Of them pills day heave
Irish confetti at yuh?"
Irish confettiT inquired, mysti-
fed.
"Half-bricks-yuh're on'y pretend
in that yuh don't get me, amt yuh?
Well, there amt anythin' In this
thing o. sittin' on the mourners' bench; /;
but along about this time O the after
noon feel so clawed up by them pill
in cats that breeze in here to take a.
inventory O. stock that get to thinkin'
I'm fightin' the inmates Of Bide-a-
Wee home.
Them four dolls didn't skate in
here t. buy. They just ambled along
t scratch. They've been V-wedgin'
through bargain-counter crushes all
day, and they've picked up a peeve,
doin' that, that they're afraid to tote
home e their men-folks because they
are hep that the men, when they hit
the hall and hang their kellys up on
the rack, are goin' t. be there with
grouches themselves
They're not keen f'r the kind O.
all-hands medicine that the hubby
dove'll pull in case anythin' is started.
So, just t get the rough edges o their
peeves sand-papered down, they skid
along here little while before closin'
up time and begin t. toss chunks O.
loose asphalt at US sunny-natured-look-
in dolls behind the counters. A lot Of
'em pick me out because I'm there
most O. the time with one O. them
grins that got froze on my map by
mistake when l first fell intuh this
business and before l jerried up t it
that the grinner is pie for them vim
men that wants somebody t pick on.
There amt no use chirpin' about it,
I'm crazy over my own sex. They
make it just about as peaceful for me
as If / was on battle field ten hours
a day. Sometimes l feel like I'm de-
velopin' intuh a white hope. It used
t. be that I'd let 'em hand me the har'
poon one after the other, just as fast
as they could nudge up t. the coun-
ter.
But four years of 1t has funneled
the vinegar intuh my nachully win
some disposition, so that now take
a slant at their wicks as they elbow
along; and If they're there with that
I'm goin' -t'-push -yuh-one-in-the-chop
glitter in their lamps, feel myself
stiffenin' like somebody that's waitin'
fer trolley car t. hit him on the nigh
end O. the wishbone, and it's all I can
do t. keep from tricklin' back as good
as they shoot In.
"On'y need the eight-a-week,
whereas that eight thing isn't gum
change for them, so that they've got
me sewed up before the gong rings,
and they know 1t. So the best l get
for mine Is 'casional little uppercut
that I've gotta eat as like as not before
the ambulance in the shape Of the
foorwalker comes up, whereas they
can paste me ontuh the ropes and
swing on me with both mitts.
"And they're hard t. dope by just
lookin' 'em over, If yuh're inquirin' o
me, l get EN- right, as they sail down
the aisle, about four times outa fvet
Then l head-on intuh one that don't
run T. her looks, and I'm in Heinie.
Dye think you can chart 'em right
because they're there with one O. them
Dolly Warden smiles? I'm askin' yuh
that, because most men do. amt
never cut the trail yet Of a man that
wasn't fall-guy for a smilin' cat. But
needn't talk. I'm a mark for that
stuff myself ev'ry once in a while.
"Tll wise yuh T. one Of the smilin'
kind that waltzed up to my counter
day before yestiddy afternoon. She
was a nifty-dressed, peachy-skinned
dumplin' Of about thirty or so, that
was togged like she had a man work
in the day and night shifts both ends
from the middle t. keep her diked out
in all the scenery fit t. wear.
II wicked her smile when she was
20 feet away. 1t looked like the sun
cnrnin, ont from under a cloud and