New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1915-11-21


exit servant)
The President-Quicki Quick, Tumulty! Do
not keep him waiting. Change those
pictures at oncel The President as
sumes an attitude of meek expectancy,
like head clerk when the head partner
enters the Office Tumulty takes down
the pictures OF Roosevelt and Root and
. replaces them by the Kaiser and Bryan.
Enter Bernstorf dressed as dandy
monocle on a ribbon, Tyroless hat,
diminutive cane, etc. He walks ftrcely
l. about the room.)
Bernstorff-Zohl Zoh! Zoh!
The President-Good morning, my good
friend, Count Bernstorff.
Bernstorff-They have my dog frightened
and me insulted The verschweintes welb
Of your polizei-ofiicer has almost with
grief killed my dog already; and the
untruthful says the young dog baby has
bitten IL is not the easel young
dog nobody can bite
The President-An accident, Count!
Bernstorf-And your newspapers! THIS
morning one criminal of Consul, Goricar,
the discharged Of his government from
Austria, has forty columns in every paper
to say | have four million dollars spent
to destroy American properties.
The President-Trihes dear Count. Within
twenty-four hours the whole matter will
be In Lansings hands and you will hear
no more about IT,
Bernstorff-I hope sol But in the name Of
Heavenl What for a countryl The
newspapers print what they please. Now
we will talk about my Kaiser1.
The President-Who, dear Count!
Bernstorf-My little dog. Kaiserl.
The President will see to that. ITO Tu-
multy) Tumulty, send Colonel House to
me. Exit Tumulty. To BernstorR.)
But you must admit that you find our
newspapers convenient sometimes, Count,
You warned the Americans about the
Lusitania, EN-
Bernstorff-It was my duty. | could not bear
to see your innocent men killed Ger
man q kind heart always has already.
The German heart is the German nation.
The President-Thst incident has left no I'M
kind feelings on this side OF the water.
Be assured of that. II has passed into
the dream Of things that were. Now, tell
me, for / have an idea, If the Senate
should present you with new dog. on
the Kaisers birthday would that help
matters2
Bernstorff-My Kaiserl's feelings were hurt.
You do not understand the German heart
(Seeing the photograph of Bryan.) All,
there was mani You should not have
dismissed him. Bryan was your true
friend. You and your people are astray
going since Bryan has himself dismissed
The Germany of America was in his
bosom. / will consider your offer of the
dog. Mr.. President, must tell you one
thing, which | desire to impress upon
you.
The President-By all means, Count
Bernstorf-I will deal quite frankly with
you.
The Presdent-Please do, Count.
Bernstorff-My government has decided that
we must make Frightfulness-a demon
stration in America. 1t is necessary to
our mission in the world. officially we
are friendly; officially we love America
and the Americans.
The President (clasping his hand)-Ah!
Bernstorff-But 1t has become necessary for
US to make demonstration. We shall
deny that we do it, Of course. That Is
part of our real-politik.
The President-Ah
Bernstorff-I hand you here the plan Of cur
demonstration, which shall, with German
thoroughness not exceed by an inch or
fall short. You understand, | show you
good faith. ! make you my friend.
The President appreciate that, Count
Bernstorff-This afternoon we shall destroy
the east wing of the Capitol.
The President-With bombsl
Bernstorff-Bombs and hand grenades. And
We shall put one little bomb in the White
House. | am your friend Mr.. President
The President-But have you proof of this!
Bernstorf-The proof? The proof is the act:
the building will be In ashes. | am
warning you out of my kindness Of heart
Like the Lusitania. The proof will be
like the Lusitania.
The President-Oh, I see-ot coursc-affi-
davits | shall colec5 the proof after
ward, largely by correspondence. For
you see, dear count, in our law, the act
is not the proof.
Bernstorf-Come and seel And now auf
wiedersehn
exit Bernstorff)
The President must consult House about
this. | never saw Bernstorif so RULED
But | soothed him. Enter Colonel
House wearing straw hat.) House, a
strange thing has happened. They're 60
ing TO destroy the Capitol.
House-The Eastern States will be annoyed,
Of course; but west of Buffalo the po-
litical situation will not be affected
You've never been stronger there than
since your diplomatic victory. II was not
a bloodless victory; but it brought peace
and it makes a precedent. America
adores you, Mr.. President, because you
are too proud to fight. We are Ill too
proud to fight. All, what magic phrase
was that Every one loves you.
The President-And you, too, my friend
(Rapturously) Your words restore me-
| am too proud to fight
blouse takes him by both hsnds.)
Both together-WE ARE TOO PROUD TO
FIGHT (Sound of an explosion; then
more explosions People rush in: Tu-
multy, General Wood, Lansing, etc Then
one side of the room falls DOWN.
resdent-Tumulty save my papers, "Pros-
perity and virtue, model to the world.
Let the American people move forward
untouched by the contagioL of war;"
with angelic calmness) Too proud to
fohtl Lansing we must 10 work. An