The daily Alaskan., 1915-10-22
Ruben $ Old Dad What Busted Him All to Squash
 By M QUAD Copyright, 1915, by tho Mcclure Newspaper Syndicate.

got out at small railroad station in Tennessee, to find a crowd in front of a saloon, and as l began mquirinS the cause of the excitement young man of twenty turned and replied
 Stranger, can tell ye all about 1t. Do you want to see the corpse?
 "Is some one dead|
 "DeQd as q coon track and it's my own dad at that"
 Been q row hereY
 "Not a bit of 1t. Dad jest made a fule of hissef. He's in thar waitin' fur a cart to take hisself home to be laid out and buried"
 Never seed nuthin' to ekal it in all my bon days" said a man in the crowd.
 ''I was right yere or l wouldn't hey sniggered to 1t nohOw," added sec | Ond.
 Tt was jest this way, stranger" ," continued the son as he picked a silver off a pine box and began to whittle at 1t with spring back jackknife: Dad and me comes down yere this mOrnin to buy 0 mewl Dad was powerful frisky all the way down, and he sez to me, sez he:
 "Ruben, kin outwalk, outrun, out shute, 0uthOller and OutliCk anything on top of this yere airth's surface
 q sees dad was purity chucky, and l sez to him, l Sez:
 ~ "'Dad, you's top of the heap round yere, and nobody kin deny 1t, but doan' you go and meet up with no fight in town. We's arter n mewl, We is, and We doan' want no fussin nor nuthin'.
 And with that dad jumps fO' feet high, and cracks his heels together and whOoDs out that he's bar traps, pizen, powder and catamount all boil ed down into one, and that he's dan gerous if anybody goes to pick up his hind foot"
 "Yaas, and l hears him holler when he's a mile away" said one of the crowd.
 "Of co'se you dld," replied Ruben; 'of co'se. Dad was powerful on hol- lerin'. He'd holler a bar out'n q tree half a mile away. When he got down we're thar was a feller from Memphis with a patent Iftln' masheen a-stand- in right yere. Thar's the pieces of 1t agln this fence, while the feller his self Is ten miles away and still run nin'."
 But 'twasn't his fault" protested a man on mUlebaCk.
 "I amt sayln' as twas" plaCidly answered Ruben. "Tm sayin' as dad got mixed up md made fule of his- self No sooner had he sOt eyes on the masheen than he cracks his heels together and crows like a rooster and sez to me, sez he:
 "'Ruben, l kin pull the hull state of Tennessee right up by the roots if I kin git a brace fur my feet
 "Yaas, 1 heard him say them re- marks" put in one of the crowd.
 "Of co'se he said 'em," continued Ruben; "of cose He spit on his hands, grabbed them ere handles and when be strengthened up jest felt the ground trenholm all around"
 Sod IT! called seven or eight voices in chorus.
 Dad had one side of the hull coun- try lifted up two foot high when there was rip and a smash, them handles tore out. the masheen flew to pieces and the airth sunk back with a chug which made us dizzy"
 "Then your father had broken a blood vessel or something of the sort" I Queried.
 "Skeersly, stranger, skeersly. Dad wasn't no man to stop at one blood vessel. He jest busted hisself all to l pieces and was Q goner afOre VIC could reach him. might say he sort of run together and Caked. Be was six foot high when he grabbed them ere handles, and now you can't make him over four foot eight as he lays in thar on a board. Jest pulled his knees up and his shoulders down, and reck- on his pants would hold his gal l luSeS up II luIE MbS any uuAtOAL9 SAA 'em. The man who owned the ma sheen wasn't to blame-of Co'se he wasn't-but when he seed the calam- ity he started fur Knoxville on the jump, and he was iumpin' when he turned the co'ner of the hill up thar. Dads in ycre, stranger. Come and take a look. Mighty good man he Was'"
 And you are waiting to take the body home?" I Queried as a wagon drove up to the shed.
 That's it. stranger"
 "It will be sad sight for your moth- CT to see the body come home"
 "Toler'bly sad, toler'bly sad" replied the young man, though sne's been eX- pectin' 1t for the last ten vars. l know about what she'll say. As the wagon drives up and she sees me she'll stand In the door and call out:
 |" Has it happened this time, RubeT
 "'Yep, maw.'
 Smashed up or deadP