davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The West Virginian. [volume] (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1914-1974, 1915-04-08
LITTLE Boobies PA
By William n. Kirk.

Thare was q actor witch cain up to
Jul house last mite, his naim was
Courtney Grainbrain, he dident have
any mummy. The way he talked ma
& me dident know that he wasent
rich, but pa knew, he toaid US after.
ward.
i hot the way peepul acted was the
way thay RELY was. but pa sed Bob.
bic, newer go too much by looks or
talk. I cud 9 that pa dtdnet act
vary glad to see Mister Grainbrain.
I am moar than glad to see you, old
pal. sed Mister Grafnbrain. 1 thot
I wud drop up to see you in memory
of the old days in Denver. Those was
felisitus days. he sed.
Yes, sed pa, & IL / remember rite
there Is a filisitus 5-spot between US.
Oh, well, sed Courtney Grainbrain,
let the ded past bury its ded. What is
a 5-spot between trends. You cau
pay it back any time you 9 At.
/ can pay 1t back, sed pa; why you
owe it to me.
How time flies. sed Mister Grain.
brain. You &c. l had quite forgotten
the occurrence. 7 was under the inn
preshun that the ~obligashun was the
other way around. But let Vi talk
Of other matters tonite. I am about
to start out a new play. The play
is named "Wen Sword0 Suffced.". It
is a play laid during he times rel
Knighthood was in flower. ! am to
be the hero in the play. I am sup
The West Virginian. [volume] (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1914-1974, 1915-04-08
FIRST THINGS.
Postal Service.

The first OF the many important
extensions in the usefulness of the
United States postal service was put
into effect 60 years ago today, when.
the registry system was establishedi
The provision for the registration of
letters, for their greater safety, was.
not an American innovation, however.
In this, as in the adoption of postage
stamps and the adoption of a low
and uniform rate of postage, the
United States only followed the ex-
ample of the British government. The
postal money order system, which
had been established in England in
1892 and came into general use in
that country in 1910, was not set up
in the United States until 1864, at
about the same time as free delivery
of mail was inaugurated in the cities.
The special delivery system was a u
thorized in 1885. Rural free delivery
was the next important step in tx
tending the utility of the postoffice.
Parcel post and postal savings banks
are comparatively recent innovations
in the United States, and were
adopted much earlier in the leading
countries of Europe.
The West Virginian. [volume] (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1914-1974, 1915-04-08
w. F. CANNON ON "siN."

The orthodox definition of sin is:
1.-THE corruption of every mans ma
ture, naturally en%gendered of the off
spring of ADAM" That their sin Is
limitless to their p%osterity, is false.
So long as our marital rights continue
to be practiced as they set the exam
pie, 1t will be. But Jesus, whose mis-
sion vas to destroy the works of the
devil, (fesh) If his doctrine teaching
"a believed, received as seed fallen
upon good ground; mems hearts
would be circumcised; for he only is
a Christian who has been Christed,
and is one by nature. i. e., an Infused
disposition. Neither is sin Trans
gression of law" For sin was in the
world before the law" (Rom. 5:1S.)
Hence the revised version has "Sin
is lawlessness." Rectitude is a
straight line between two points.
Any deviation from it is "Depravi-
ty." To glorify God and be thankful
is the chief end of man, l. e., the
straight line. Any deviation is sin.
For whatsoever is not OF faith Is
sin" And without faith it is not pos
eth to his own heart is a fool" Lean
not to thine own understanding" are
safe maxims. For sin shall not have
dominion over you. for we r not un-
der the law but under grace" does
not mean hat sin exists in US under
grace. but though tempted, sin shall
not be conceived.
David describeth the blessedness
of the mar unto whom the Lord
doth not impute sim" The idea is.
under grace we cannot be tempted
above what we are able to endure.
Expecting pardon. forgiveness for
sin and tr~ansgressions is a myth. The
Bible idea of pardon is to give back.
A pardon without the penalty remov-
ed is absurd. Whoever would be saw
ed it must be from SIM: because free
dom from SHINING is entirely Deepen
dent upon salvation from sin.
II sin is lawlessness, and 1t Is, the
remedy is self-evident. When Gods
law is again in Jul mind and written
upon our heart, we have Gods par
don, forgiveness; a self evident fact,
hence called Truth" God has given
back by grace. through faith what is
lost by sin. And grace through that
Faith which is the substance of
things hoped for, the evidence of
things not seen" is a greater incen-
tive to practice all righteousness than
Adamic' innocence was or ever could
be. w. f. CANNON.
The West Virginian. [volume] (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1914-1974, 1915-04-08
IheIost|
Securities
BY
MaryG gertrude Sheridan
155SaR5zERRTRSzT
coopyr.Ea., ts1h o. v. 6. onapnanl

N0pyE1ka6p GS1ot Dy WsSs CnnpI111l
IF 1 only had q gum" sighed old
Rufus Thwaite drearily.
What would you do with It If you
had, grandfather" inquired little Ned
Rogers.
Ned was a neighbours boy and no re.
lation whatever to his aged compan.
ion. Everybody in the neighborhood
called MI. Thwaite grandfather, how.
ever. They were In fact mora friend
ly and indulgent than those who had
a right to do SO.
I'd go to war;" replied the old man
with vehemence. 81 was a soldier
once in Wales. I belonged to the Eng.
lish army. Look here" and the rheu'
matte patriot sprang to his feet with
unaccustomed agility, picked up a long
stick and went through dim1y remem,
bered tactics of the past.
It would have been ludicrous had II
not been sad. For ten years his mar
ried granddaughter and her husband
and their family had simply tolerated
their aged relative as q helpless, wit
less old man.
They felt bitter towards him be
cause he had lost several thousand
dollars in securities. which constituted
his sole resources. and which they ex
pected to inherit.
One day in the long ago MI. Thwatte
had gone to the city to see the sights
He was missing for three days and
then the Allertons received word that
he was in a hospital, having been run
down by q street car.
They had brought him home to find
that he had suffered a broken arm and
almost a total lapse OF memory. They
The West Virginian. [volume] (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1914-1974, 1915-04-08

md mnpsack IN give yuu he esE
lar to do t.
10 took some persuasion 70 induce
the old man. The bright silver dollar
was Q powerful argument. however.
Two niEhtB later Mr.. Thwnfte had his
coveted accouferments and Ned had
the dollar In his pocket.
The old man spent n entire night
polishing up the ruSted old musket
He begged powder and caps from q
neighbor. The old knapsack was near
1y falling to pieces. He tied it mp
stoutly.
'IT hx that when I get to Nora.s."
he decided. I'm going to stop there
to bid her Eood-by."
The following day he stole away
from the house and the village and
headed for the settlement where the
Millions lived. It was 4 long, hard
tramp o the old man. Sturdily, how
ever, he pursued his way, the KNAPP
sack strapped across his bent shoulder.
the heavy musket carried proudly. He
had no money, but kind.hearted house
wives gave him what he wanted to
eat. Twice he slept In 4 haystack.
He was looked upon with pity as .
homeless wanderer. He was pretty
glad when one morning from inquiries
he found that It was only three miles
to the little farm where the Millions
lived.
Half the distance accomplished, he
was SO tired out that he climbed o
fence and lay down in q straw heap
to rest. He va soo asleep.
One hour later Q young man driving
q horse attached TO an old farm wag-
on went slowly past the spot.
Suddenly-bang!
He had some difficulty In quieting
down the startled horse. Then he
looked towards the spot where a pun
OF smoke had shown. An old man
was picking himself up from the
ground. It was Mr.. Thwaite. He had
gone to sleep. His dream had been
full OF war and warriors. Awaken
ing confused. he had taken q scare
crow ear by for the enemy" had
went.
It did not take MI. Milton long to
discover the identity OF the old man.
He welcomed him to their humble
home. It's comfort soon put all war
like ideas out of the head Of the de-
lighted old veteran.
Nora wrote to her sister about his
arrival. Esther wrote back: Keep
him and weIcome-good radiance to
bad rubbish"
The old army musket was placed
across the antlers Of a deer in the
dining room. The old knapsack Mr..
Thwatte unpacked one day. prepare
tory to burning the rubbish.
Nora had not worried her grand
father by telling him Of a mortgage on
the little home. She was thinking Of
this sadly when the old man came
rushing excitediy into her presence.
I've found theml" he shouted hiIari.
ously
Found what?" inquired the startled
Nora.
The lost securities-fn my KNAPP
sack. They must have been there all
these years and I never remembered
It. This time o shall have them,
dear little girl! Just give me q home
for the few years Of life left to me
and take the securities for your pay"
I'VE need no pay for dutifully car
ing for you and loving you dear
grandpa" replied Nora, but the old
man was set in his notions and the
heavy burden of debt was soon
thereafter lifted from the happy
household.
The West Virginian. [volume] (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1914-1974, 1915-04-08
Maccabees Elect
New State Officers

CLARKSDURG. April SIN the
state convention held here the knights
OF the Maccabees elected the follow
ing officers:
Past Communications KILLER. of
Commanded. c. showalter, Par.
kersburg.
Elizabeth.
Record Keeper-Frank ]. Flaig. Par.
chaplsin-D. B. Ward. Jane Lew.
Sergeant-w. NJ Amos, Fairmont.
First Master Of Guards. II. Tay-
lor, Hundred.
second Master of Guards-peter A.
Master at Arms. w. Dadisman.
Phfiippi.
field.
Pickett. B. Kelley. N~estorville.
Representatives. to Supreme Con.
I be held In San Francisco in
May-C. G. Showaiter, P~arkersburg,
and e. B. Hardesty. Lumberport.
Wheeling vas selected as the next
meeting place.
The West Virginian. [volume] (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1914-1974, 1915-04-08
me west virginian has watched

The West EVfrginian has watched
with much interest the discussion of
8 bridges for Fairmont, especially
claims of their necessity and the
means suggested for securing them.
There IL no question but that a new
bridge over the M~onongahela river
would be OF great benefit to the resi-
dents Of the East Side, and to the city
Spropcr as wen, for the starting of SER
sFtce on the Buekhannon and Northern
railroad Will increase traffic to and
from the East Side to a considerable
sxtent.
a new bridge over Coal Run is
elatned to be an absolute necessity by
those. advocating such a bridge. That
q bridge would be an improve
tnenk to the city cannot be questioned.
The matter Of building the Coal Run
bridge Immediately without making
3qednlte provision for the bridge over
the M~onongahela river is, however,
open to serious question.
There is still another phase of tbs
question which seems to have been
Almost entirely overlooked, and that
III the fnancial question. The build
Ing Of either one OF both bridges will
cos O large amount OF money. Are
the city finances in such shape that
sthege expenditures IA be prudently
made?
Would II not be well for the city
officials to take the people into their
Eonddence and give them a statement
~ the finances of the city? Such a
ntatement has been promised for a
long time, but has never been forth
coming.
The West virginian has always been
. strong advocate Of city improve
n1ents, and is not opposed to the
building Of the new bridges IL the
AnanciaI condition of the city is such
that 1t Q be done, and If the bridges
IRE 30 located that they will be fair
TO All the people, and that those cor
p0rations which shall use and be most
6enefited by them shall bear their fair
share Of the cost.
The West Virginian. [volume] (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1914-1974, 1915-04-08
Luke MeLuke Says:

Luke MeLuke Says:
When there are two or three girls In
the family You can put your hand al
most anywhere under the dining room
table and find a wad Of gum.
The fool men haven't any artistic
sense. There are plenty OF Edythes
and Alyces In the world, but q man
usually cops out a plain Mary, Lulu or
Margaret when he wants a wife.
Another aso for the high cost o"
living is that there is one applicant f.
each 500 Jobs as a kitchen mechanic
and 500 applications for each job us a
chorus girl.
What has become Of the old fashion.
ed girl who was proud OF the fact that
her hair was so long that she could sit
omit?
The reason a princess will take ad.
vice from n seventeen-year-old cub
when she won't listen to her father is
because the cub can run eleven balls ut
poof and her father doesn't even know
how to hold a cue.
The man who wouldn't trust you to
get n FIVE dollar bill changed for him Is
willing to let you marry his daughter.
1t is all very fine when you are feed
ing honey into a girls ear before you
get her. But 1t is different when you
have to feed groceries into her mouth
after you get her.
When in doubt you can always blame
It on the administration.
A reformer is sometimes a man who
kicks up a lot of dust by moving back
ward.
Father always regards mother as IN
easy mark when she announces that
butter costs 3 cents more a pound and
eggs are 4 cents more a dozen because
father would like to see a bartender
charge him 8 cents for q beer or 10
cents for a drink Of booze.
Good night! A few days ago Luke re-
marked that the women would never
be big enough dern fools to wear shoes
that buttoned in the back. And now n
big shoe firm notifies Luke that tho
very newest shoes o women this sum-
mer are made to ince up the back.
The West Virginian. [volume] (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1914-1974, 1915-04-08
Polishing Up the Rusted Old Muske..

could not find his precious securities.
He had not even a list Of what they
were. They decided that he must
have taken them to the city with him
and lost them. He could not remem-
Der.
Then they began to neglect him.
They put him. in a small dark bed,
room over the kitchen, made him take
his meals there, and. lonely and cold
though he might be, never invited
him into the better part Of the house.
e For about a month the old man had
become greatly interested in the war
Every afternoon after school Ned
Rogers brought the morning newspa-
per from home, and he and the old
nan would go up to the wretched
room and he would read to him for an
hour, all war news.
Sec here. Ned" spoke MI. Thwaite
just now. Il feel it my duty 10 go
back to my old home and offer my
services to the army"
why. Mr.. Thwaite," exclaimed Ned,
you're too old! Besides, that stifr
arm Of yours. And how would you
ever get theree"
I'd try it, anyhow" replied Mr..
Thwaite, a dreamy expression In his
eyes. Tn pretty miserable here,
Ned. The folks don't care for me-.
Now there was my other daughter,
Nora. She's Mrs. Milton and lives
nifty miles from here. She invited
me to live with them, but I knew
they were too poor. Besides, Esther
here got lots OF money from me when
I had 1t. All I have now is q little
mortgage. When I collect the inter-
est, twenty dollars every six months.
they take most Of it away from me-
I've got a dollar Of the last payment
left Say" exclaimed the speaker
with sudden animation, i've thought
OF a great scheme"
What is that. grandfather" a..
qutred Ned c~uriously.
We'll, up in the old attic-it backs
on the kitchen roof Is my old gun
and knapsack. I asked them once
to let me have them. but they only
laughed at me and wouldn't even let
me go up to the attic to get them my
self. Say, you could"
"oh, I would not dare!" declared
Ned.
why notg' It isn't stealing.
They're mine. You can get up on
the Kitchen roof when they aren't
watching. There's no sash to that
attic window. You can't miss the gun
Very Dangerous.
Friend-"Why. Elvira, what's the
matter?' Elvira-"oh. I don't know.
only I'm worried to DEATH I've had
the same girl SIX weeks and she
doesn't talk about leaving yeti"
Friend-"She doesn't?" Elvira-"Not
q words She must be in love with my
husband" !.
The West Virginian. [volume] (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1914-1974, 1915-04-08
As cIear "a Mud

As Clear rs Mud.
II the editor will permit the CORE
spondent will answer the many inqui-
ries as to why there were no Bourbon
Briefs he first W weeks in Febru-
airy. The first week there was nothing.
The next week the reporter simply got
tangled up In the days of the week. II
people go to places or have company
and fail to notify the reporter 1t Is
purely accidental that the items reach
the paper. See?-Exchange.
The West Virginian. [volume] (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1914-1974, 1915-04-08
The Artist

The whole function OF the artist IN
the world 10 to be a seeing and o feel
ing creature; TO be n instrument OF
such tenderness and ssensittyeneus
that NO shadow, no hue. NO line. no
instantaneous and e~vanescent expres-
sion Of the Visible things around him.
nor any OF the emotions which they
are capable Of conveying to the spirit
which has been given him. shall either
be left unrecorded or fade from the
book OF record-Rusktn.
The West Virginian. [volume] (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1914-1974, 1915-04-08
The wsord .prh,ah.s

"The United Kingdom OF Great Brit
ain and Ireland" has. since JANUARY /,
1901. hesn the onlciaI title of the po-
litical unity composed of, England,
Scotland and Ireland. In this sense
the word "BritiHh" applies to Ireland,
but In no other. Politically the Brit
ish Isles include England. Scotland.
and Ireiand.
The West Virginian. [volume] (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1914-1974, 1915-04-08

II You know that you are going to
hear a loud sound 1t Is well Z open
the mouth. n the shook will then be
n~eutralized. Noises In the ears are
most annoying. and sometimes re
nist all treatment. They are often ns-
ISOLATED with DEAFNESS and should.
therefore. receive due attention.
The West Virginian. [volume] (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1914-1974, 1915-04-08
Ia That SoP

Dear Luke-I overheard a Cincinnati
travelling man trying to make himself
good with a prospective buyer by tell
ing who Luke McLuke really is. Said
the travelling man: Luke McLuke Is a
friend OF mine. 1 know him well. He
is just a common sort Of fellow, who
gets half soused every night and then
writes this stur that everybody is
crazy about"-A Piqua CO., Reader.
The West Virginian. [volume] (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1914-1974, 1915-04-08
Ancient WrItinq InpIements.

When writing. Confucius used q
small brush. like a camel's-hair brush.
for a pen, and SO did his ancestors for
centuries before his time. The reed
came into use for writing in the
marshy countries of the Orient. It
was hollow and cut in short lengths.
The West Virginian. [volume] (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1914-1974, 1915-04-08

90 into aswhseI. which they turning
about with the weight OF their bodies,
so diligently Ionk@to their business,
that no druge or scuIIion can do the
feat more cunnlngly, whom the pop
ular sort hereupon term turnsptts."
The West Virginian. [volume] (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1914-1974, 1915-04-08
The Wino Fool.

The Wise Fool.
"Fisures cannot ie." observed the
sage,
maybe not" commented the BIOL
the dry goods stores are selling
as many pads as ever"
The West Virginian. [volume] (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1914-1974, 1915-04-08

Here's a Prohibition Item.
Walter Andrews brought a green
horned worm to town Saturday that
ate an English sparrow.-Ozark (Ala.)
Exchange.
The West Virginian. [volume] (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1914-1974, 1915-04-08
Rounh Stouah.

Dear Luke:
IF I had enough of the dough-
Said a poor working girl with q cough.
"I'd purchase q ruough- and a bough
Before all this snough melted ough."
&C. =. Hughes, Dayton, q.
The West Virginian. [volume] (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1914-1974, 1915-04-08

Things to Worry About.
There is coat near the south pole.
The West Virginian. [volume] (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1914-1974, 1915-04-08
Why Not?

Why Not?
what is the matter with your
head?7 asked Brown.
Il treated Jones 20 q hair cut yester-
day" replied Smith "And he insisted
on my having another with him"
The West Virginian. [volume] (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1914-1974, 1915-04-08
A Razor Requiem.

A Razor Requiem.
Here's a fatal slash for Luke Nc
Luke:
Craps.
Scraps.
Taps.
GAINESVILLE (O.) Signal
The West Virginian. [volume] (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1914-1974, 1915-04-08

West virgintan Want Ads WIN rent
your rooms quickly. Try one today.
Cost is smaIl-only 1 cent a word.
The West Virginian. [volume] (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1914-1974, 1915-04-08
CorroetI

A hooh's q man who knows Il an
And likes to use his tongue:
A wise man has no chance to fall
He's tired of being stung.
The West Virginian. [volume] (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1914-1974, 1915-04-08
Names Ia Naman

Names Is Names.
Philip Mccain runs a saloon In Co
iumbus, ..
The West Virginian. [volume] (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1914-1974, 1915-04-08
Retehal

He lukes right smart, does Luke Nc
Luke.-Milwnukee Sentinel.
The West Virginian. [volume] (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1914-1974, 1915-04-08
Bis Of Byplay
By Luke McLuke
Copyright, 1915. the olnn,nnssa
Enquirer
BY Luke McLnke
SuHoI

Sur0I
I know he 10 q speaker great.
His hearers come In herds.
And he makes his words carry weight
Because he weighs his wordS-
The West Virginian. [volume] (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1914-1974, 1915-04-08
Between the Acts.

bULVVGUN GN0 NCEA.
II was a dismal show and dense
With nothing to beguile,
And that is why the audience
Went out to have a smile.
The West Virginian. [volume] (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1914-1974, 1915-04-08

Our Daily Special.
Never bet on a SURF thing when you
can take q chance.
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1915-11-14

lack OF consideration for things which are usu-
ally respected by gentlemen when they
carry on controversy, as, FOR instance, con-
ident expressions in private letters, and then
the insulting of a whole nation as we'll as OF
individuals. Everything seemed suddenly per-
MISSILE to him, as if he had been one OF the
leutenants who before the war upset the popu-
lation of Alsace or one of the captains who
during the war declared it a crime for the Bel
gians to defend their neutrality.
l pointed out more politely to M. Clemen-
ceau how wrong it was to accuse whole ma
ton of lack of pride only because few in
dvduals may perhaps have used unjustifable
means to obtain sordid gain as merchants
He answered that he had, of course, thought
of these last mentioned ones alone. We can
imagine what an outcry there would have been,
what an outcry M. Clemenceau himself would
have raised, against any one calling the French
people "a nation without pride" Would the
French people in such a case have been con-
tent with the lame explanation that the SLAM
derer did not mean the whole nation, only a
few of its members whom M. Clemenceau
persecutes, calling them significantly enough
iSo ShDuo4uSo'
Nobody could doubt that the Danish nation
as a whole had been grossly nsulted. I, for
my part, did not raise an outcry. l answered
him calmly and not only politely but cordially,
reminding him only of historical facts and OF
the geographical position of the country which
he had not explained. My method Of warfare
was like that Of the French at Fontenoy, no.
like the present German methods
GERMANY MUST NOT BE HUMILI.
ATED."
M Clemenceau showed in his answer that
he was quite Gernanzed. The answer was
brutal and went outside the question, attacking
me personally in a most nqusitory manner.
What did / want under these circumstances!
Whom did I wish SUGGEST Whom did wish
failureP M. Clemenceau could just as well
have asked me for whose victory | was offer
ing up prayers. 1t is not my habit to offer
I'D prayers or wishes doubt too much the
value of them Prayers are for churchgoers,
wishes for children and fools. l Go not waste
my time on either. Children wish something
for Christmas or for their birthdays. | thought
we men felt and talked like men.