The mirror., 1915-02-25

And I'm a -goin' there Sunday, and now, says he
I want to take you along with me;
And you marry her, and, he says, by SHAW!
You'll have me fer yer son-in-law!"
l studies while, and says /, well, Pll
First have to see eff she suits my style;
And ef she does, you kin bet your life
Your mother-in-aw will be my ,wife!"
Well, Sunday come, and l fixed up some;
Put on collar-I did, by gum!
Got down my plug" and my satin vest;
(You wouldn't know me to see me dressed!
But anyone knows eff you got the clothes
You kin 60 in the crowd wher' the best of 'em go!
And greesed my boots, and combed my hair
Keerfully over the bald place there;
And Marshall Thomas and me that day
Eat our dinners with Widder Gray
And her gal Han!
Well just glance
o. the widder's smiling countenance,
A-cuttin' up chicken and big pot-pies,
Would make man hungry in Paradise!
An passin' pserves and jelly and cake
AT would make an angels appetite ache!
Pouring out coffee as yaller as gold;
Twice a: much as the cup would hold;
La! it rich! and then she would say,
Take some Of this in her coaxin' way.
Tel if l horse. I'd foundered, shore
And just dropped dead on her white oak floor!
Well, the way talked would done you good
Ef you'd been there to-a -aunderslood;
Tell noticed Hammer and Marshall, they
Was a-noticin' me in curious way:
So l says to myself, Says l. Now Joe'
And l simmered down and let them do
The bulk of talkin' the evenn through.
And Marshall was still in talkatve gait
When we left that evenin' tollable late
How do you like her. he says to me,
Says l. She suits me to t-y tee'
And then 1 asked how matters stood
With him i'll the opposite neighborhood?
Bully" he says L rather guess
I'll finally get her to say yes.
[ named it to her tonight and she said she'd see!
And that's purity good sign says he
Yes says your ahead O. me!'
And then he laughed and said Go on
e., And patted me on the shoulder agn'
Though we'll, ever since I've been ridin' good
Deal the Kanakee neighborhood,
And make convenient some times to stop
And hitch few minutes, and kind O. DROP
In at the widder's and talk O. the crop
And one thing O. nother' and week afore last
The notion struck I drove past,
I'd stop at the place and state the case
Might we'll do it first last
| felt first rate. so hitched at the gate
And went up to the house, and, strange to relate,
Marshall Thomas had dropped in, too,
Glad to you sir" How do you do?
He says, says he, Well it sounded queer!
And when Han told me to take caer,
Marshall got and put out of the ROOM
And motioned his hand for the Widder to come;
I didn't say nothin' fer quite spell
But says to myself there's dog in the well!''
And Han she smiled too curious at me
Says Whats up?' and she says says she,
Marshalls been at me to marry agn,'
AND l told him no just you came in,
Well sompin o'nother in the girls voice
Says to me, Joseph, here's your choice''
And another minute her guiless breast
Was Iovinly throbin' against me vest
And then / kissed her and heard smack
Come like an echo futerin' back,
And we looked around, and in full view,
Marshall was kissing the widder too!
Well all Of US laughed in glad-sum praise
Tel the tears came streamn out of our eyes,
And when Marshall said Twas the squarest trade
That ever him and me have made;
We both shook hands and by quacks! and swore
We'd stick together forever more,
And Old Squire Chapman tuck in the trip,
And Marshalls and mes in partnership!
HERBERT KAUFMAN SAYS
Hearts win when spades are trumps
Society always gets shuttle in hard times