The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1915-03-13
Mr.. BOWSER HITS IT.
Not the Point, However, but the
Floor.

Mr.. Bowser had been as good as pie
all the evening, but that he was also
nervous and restless had not escaped
Mrs. Bowser's attention. There were
several things he could have picked
a row about, but didn't. The cook
burned the steak, but he never noticed
it; the gas bill had come in and lay
in plain sight, but he did not pick
it up; a caster had worked out of the
leg of a chair, but he put it back
without a word of comment on care
lessness and destruction. Mrs. Bow
ser couldn't help but know that some
thing was wrong, and finally quer-
led:
Haven't you got one of your head
aches tonight?"
Not the slightest headache" he re-
Piled.
"But you don't feel exactly weIl?"
Never felt better in my life"
His goodness continued until bed
time, and then he announced that he
would sit up an hour later to over
haul certain accounts He assumed
very innocent look over 1t, but Mrs.
Bowser was not to be deceived. When
she reached of the head of the stairs,
she sat down to see what would hap
pen. For a few moments after her
disappearance Mr.. Bowser sat and
contemplated the cat in an absent
minded way, and then he got up,
peeled off his coat and vest, and she
heard him say:
Now, then, to tackle that speech.
I'm bound to make one or bust. The
idea that I've lived to my age with
out making q political speech is all
blamed nonsense! Here goes L am
brought out and introduced as the
Hon. Bowser; I bow; am applauded
to the echo; 1 draw long breath
and begin:
''Fellow-citizens: AS men of in
teIligence, as patriots anxious for the
welfare of our country we have assem-
bled here this evening to take counsel
together. (Long pause.) The ques-
ton before us is vital one: (Pause
and coughing, with a meow from that
cat.) I do not say that the life of
this republic hangs in the balance
(pause), but L do say that-that-
Mr.. Bowser had got stuck. He walk
ed to and fro and gestured and NUT
tered, but the word would not come.
He began again:
But do say that if the majority
of the electors of this country make
a mistake at the polls in 1916 blood
shed, bankruptcy and anarchy may
follow. While we differ in particulars.
we are agreed upon whole, and that
whole is-iS-(pauSe) that whole, fell
low patriots, is-that is-that is
err"
1t was another breakdown. A dog
in a neighbours back yard howled dis
mally. The cat under the piano arch
ed her back and dug her claws into
carpet and wondered why she had not
noted these signs of insanity before.
He walked about for awhile, and then
his mind seemed to suddenly grasp
the missing link.
with a determination mistaken
by prophecies of evil. with heart I'M
daunted by danger, with it's trust in
in a higher being than man, Columbus
finally set out on his memorable
voyage. We give him credit as a dis
coverer, but we fail to give him credit
to give him credit say we fail to
gfve-you will agree with me that we
fail to give credit for-for--"
Mrs. Bowser laughed until the tears
came He had wandered off on an
old speech he once delivered before
"a gang of forty Italians, not one or
whom could speak five words of Eng
|lish. He suddenly discovered that
things didn't match, and stood staring
at the wall and wondering If the bot
tom of the river had fallen out.
by John, but I'll get that speech
or break my neck! muttered Mr.
Bowser as he went tramping around,
and after a couple of minutes his
voice was heard again.
Let us see what Mr.. Wilson has
done; let us see what Mr.. Bryan has
bone. We must Judge men by their
actions There are, no doubt, citizens
before me who argue to themselves-
who argue-to-who argue to them
selves (stuck) that that the country
no matter who is elected President.
But let uS-let us
The belt had slipped off the drive
wheel again, and Mr.. Bowser jumped
up and down in his madness, and the
cat rolled over and over. The time
and opportunity for making the
speech of his life were at hand, but
Mr.. Bowser couldn't make the old
thing go along without a wobble.
Then Mrs. Bowser heard him saying:
But did the snow and cold and
hunger of Valley Forge discover the
great and noble heart of our beloved
Washington? Mol Surrounded even
by traitors, menaced by enemies in
congress, having to deal with the Brit
ish in front and INSTRUMENTATION in
his own camp, that grand hero never
faltered (long pauSe). When spring
came-when--when spring came.
say that when spring came-and
when spring came he-he-he--
1t was a portion of an essay he had
written and delivered as schOolboy.
The cat got on to it and howled. a
boy in the back yard got on to 1t and
threw a potato against the Bowser
mansion with heart-thrilling smash.
Mr.. Bowser himself got on to it and
threw a vase at the cat and made a
mighty kick at a chair and went down
with all his weight on the floor.
Things were still rafting and Earring
when Mrs. Bowser started downstairs.
She was just in time to answer the
ring of a policeman, who took off his
hat and said:
Excuse me, ma'am, but I heard
great noise and thought the hot wa
ter boiler or the gas meter had blown
I'D / see it was only Mr.. BOwSer prac-
ticing with Italian clubs or something.
Good night, ma'am. I'll be in front If
you should find any bones broken and
want a DOCTOR
by thunder, but can't a man
can't a man. stammered Mr..
Bowser as he got to his feet.
mo, he can't practice athletics and
jar the whole of the sixteenth ward