Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1915-10-07
THE KENNEbEC journal 0UTSTRIPS ALL
COMPETITORS WITH WHOLE FAMILY sent
A La MARY GARDEN into MAINE WOODS
Blanks, Dashes and Hyphens Will Enter Forests
Prime val, CARRIED in Birthday Suits and
Dreamy Smiles-Chronicled Exclusively in
These Columns

The Kennebec Journal will not be
eclipsed! In this spasm of nudities
gamboling feminist our virgin forests
we cannot deny our readers the SEN
sations to be extracted from moulting
fashion plates undulating into a mys-
FERROUS and gloomy background.
Many months agone a Boston news
paper stood sponsor for a bear tanner
who captured deer with his naked
hands and slew the chipmunk in des-
perate struggle unaided. This de-
corticated Adam became so Injured to
the absence Of a bill of fare and a bath
tub with two faucets that he threat
ened to attain the prerequisites of a
circus wildman. In the height Of this
ambition, however, he was relentless
ly coraled by Glen Murphy and re-
turned to an acclaiming civilization.
A Portland daily publication has now
relieved it's force of one swelling at
tribute by appointing him chaperone
for an exfoliated man and woman
VINO have Salomied from view in the
Dead River region. Lester Melcher
Hart will be their keeper and biog-
rapher until they emerge December
1st. Who will be responsible for re-
straining Lester on the outskirts of
that forest has not yet been an
nounced.
Now the Kennebec Journal will have
it's turn! In this: age of sensations.
the newspaper of unscarred conserva-
tism is not reckoned as among those
50. ", Co. %1,n z
]. feels that it cannot afford to be out
done-outstripped, SO to speak. Bos-
ton newspaperdom has sent one man
into the forests primeval; Portland has
sent a man and wife; the Kennebec
Journal HAS DESPATCHED A
WHOLE FAMILY as couriers of CIV
ilization to quote Henry James to the
porcupine and sing Irving Berlin love
lifts to the lowly skunk cabbage! We
have not selected for this awesome
task an unknown artist nor two little
known rusticators. The name of this
family is a household word from Rich.
mond to Pishon's Ferry. This name
will be kept secret, however, until the
success of their stupendous exploit
has been assured. Also, the site OF
this adventurous essay must remain
mystery until we are certain that il
might happen. But when all ar
rangements have been accomplished
moving picture men and vaudeville
stage for this last thrilling scene, t
give our daring explorers appropriate
reception. 49, sa1 =.
All will be surprised when they dis
cover who our hero and heroine are
Those who go to view their triumpha
exit from the dense forests Decembe
LIST will be struck dumb to see them
So would we. 1t has been rumore'
even that Newton Newkirk has takel
his heralded vacation for the sole pur
pose of playing the lead in this fearful
drama. We are not in a position t.
make denial. Newt would afford al
ideal hero, for what could be NOR
naked than he without clothing. GU
hero is as bald as a coot, too. In thi
contest of Investment our representa-
tives expose the superlative part. GU
back to nature act never has been sur
passed. 1t is the limit!
L
er facility the progress of these Mod
ern Swede family Robinsons, we shall
call them Mr.. and Mrs. Blank. Accom-
panying them are two dashes and tire
little hyphens. To be more explicit i
is the whole - family.
After two unfortunate delays ex
perienced in entering upon their Ions
absence from the bright light, Mr.. ant
Mrs. Blank and five children will to
morrow envelop their birthday suit
in natures protecting bosom.
Tuesday morning. all preparation
had been affected. A committee o
II tillers of the soil residing neares
to the historic site appropriated TO-
the first scene, were lined up at tn
starting point. Some "a other leadin,
townsmen sought places upon the com
mittee but the smoked glasses provid
ed by the town vigilance organization
gave out and protesting members wer
escorted by their spouses to less con
spicuous vantage points. The Jour
nars family was nearing the border
of the forest when Mrs. Blanks bar
toes encircled frog = and the process
sion was burst. Mrs. Blank sounded
warning with three shrill screams an
sprinted down the back trail. In jus
tice to Deacon Smithers it should b
stated that he is near-sighted and tina
this affection was increased by tn
colored spectacles forced upon him
also, that his standing in advance o
the committee was merely to overccm
this disadvantage of vision, and tina
when he threw up his arms it wa
merely instructive self-defence as h
realized something was coming rapid
ly in his general direction. However
it must be admitted that when Mrs
Blank tried to climb his shirt front tn
| situation might have appeared com
promising to a person who dotes o.
compromising situations. Mr.. Smith
ers will not serve further upon tn
committee, according to an authorita
| tive statement.
| Wednesday morning, with Mrs. Blan
picking her steps apprehensively, tn
procession, in puriS naturaltbus, wa
lost to burning gazes in what Leste
Melcher Hart terms 1.-The stupendou
| grandeur Of the stretching forests t
wrest their shelters from. the spruc
trees and their food from the cart
earthly and streams streamy.
| But lust as the best families wer
enjoying their dinners. the word flashe
| ,ro,,rd that the party had again re