The Alaska citizen., 1915-09-06
TOBASCO SAUCE


 Waiter, Vienna steak please" 'Ush sir; We calls 'em Petrocrad pa;ties now. sir"
 What is teehnic?" "Technic is the art of making the simplest pas sases difficult"
 Force of habit, guess. She was a cook before l married her"
 His Satanic Majesty-A husban- dette. eh? New Arrival-Y-e-s, sir. l His Satanic Majesty-Why. you don't belong here; you've had yours.
 "Is the man your sister is going to marry rich?" Nav; every time the marriage is mentioned pa says, Poor man."
 Charlie Loyeday-Um-ah- -er-er, | He, he Jew eler Cto his assistanD Bring that tray of engagement rings here, Henry.
 What's the matter with your friend there?" "Oh. he's politician in hard luck. Got confession that no magazine seems to care to buy.
 Music Dealer-And here's the Lucia" seXtet-a very popular re cord Mrs. Rox (virtuously)-No not for family machine: there's days
 1 The Sultan-I want to speak to you about the light of the harem. Grand Nizier-The beautiful Fatimao The Sultan-No the gas bills They're getting too goldarn high l Madse-Have you really found that absence makes the heart grow ion der? Marjorio-indeed I have, Since Charlie went away I've learned 10 i love Jack ever so much more | Gibbs-So you went after the job? 1 I thought that you believed that the office should seek the man. Dibbs-- | l do, but this is a fat job and I thought it might get winded before | 1t reached me.
 His Wife-This paper says an army of one hundred thousand men has wrecked a railroad in Belgium Rail rogd Magnate-What a waste of energy A board of five directors i could have done it just as thor oughly.
 Barman- Strikes me there's one of these ere bloomn' German spies in the 5mokeroom. sir. Els brag- eing about bein' Scotchman. and the whiskey I took i'm quarter of an hour ago e ain't even touch ed it yet!
 Willis-What are you polishing up your gun for? Gillis-On ac- count of this European war. Willis Surely you don't think we will be drawn into it. Gillis No; but think of the horde of book agents who will be out selling The History of the Great Conflict"
 See that man over there?" "Yes very ordinary looking Whats he ever done?" Well he ain't much for looks but he can come nearer findin a drink in dry town than any other man ye ever seen"
 Tourist-How far is it to the vii lage of Slocum? Native-Foive mile, sir. But you be walking away from it. Tourist-But the sign-post dl- rected me this way, Native-Ah. yes. But we've 'ad all the signpOsts turned round to fool the Zeppelins.
 'Thump rattle bang.' went the pi- ano. What are you trying to play, Jane?' called cut her father from the next room. Its an exercise from the new instruction book, First Steps in Music," she answered. Well, knew you were playing with your feet" he said, srmly, but don't step so heavily on the keys-it disturbs my thoughts
 The poSsessor of unfailing tact is a fortunate being. Sometimes even a person of great experience will, however, in distress, say the wrong thing. A certain clergyman was officiating at funeral of wealthy parishioner. He was par ticularly anxious to show his good feeling and sympathy; so at a criti- cal moment during the funeral ser vices, he turned to the congregation and said: Dearly beloved. many a time l have dangled this corpse upon my knee"