Middletown transcript., 1915-06-12
SEEING LIFE W1M
+ r17N.-1 JOHN HENRY
SSh 4y Geo1peNH
[&s;7] j,,, i.,y o. Vanity
John Heny On Vanity

GAY! have you ever noticed that the
- bug called vani can cook up
more trouble for human beings
than any germ that ever built its nest
in brain cell?
It's subtle little disease, this fever
we call Vanity. No man ever knows
ne has 1t but he can always recognize
the symptoms in his neighbdr.
Sometimes it breaks out inldiamond
rings on the fingers; sometimes it
takes the form of ragtime cid thing ac-
companied by rainbow neclties, and
sometimes it drives man intb politics
VINO should remain at his poit as the
chauffeur Of garbage wagon.
And then again there are occasions
when 1t never shows in a man until
after he is dead and his will reads,
Il give and bequeath the sum Of thirty
thousand dollars for the PURPOSES of
scattering my ashes from the highest
peak Of the Himalaya mountains"
Hep Hardy has it for keeps. Around
at the club the other night 1 saw him
drink seven Scotch highballs because
somebody swelled him all up by telling
him he never showed the effects of
liquor.
Then he had to lean against the
buildings all the way home.
Even friend wife isn't proof against
the Vanity microbe.
Not long ago some fresh friend told
her that she was getting stout and
Peaches promptly fell for every obes-
ity cure known to modern science.
During her calmer moments Peaches
has the general appearance of Fletch.
erizing canary bird, but when some
amiable idiot told her that day by day
she was growing to look more and
more like public building she ut
tered few shrill screams and started
after that obesity proposition with a
tomahawk.
tried to flag her and talk her out
OF 1t, but she waved me back and said
she wasn't going through this world
chaperoning double chin.
So Peaches started in to put the
sabots to the fatty tissues and for a
week our erstwhile peaceful home be-
came two reels in the Movies entitled
"A Rough Night at Sea-"
When / reached home on the eve
of the Battle of Embonpoint l found
Peaches strolling around the campus
made up to look like lady scarecrow.
Her face was concealed behind a mus
lin mask, there was a feverish glitter
IN her eyes and in both hands she
clutched a book which proclaimed
itself "The Road to Beauty; or, How
to Get Thin Without Calling in the
Coroner"
AS breezed through the turnstile
with a CHEEKY Good eventide, Las
sie!" she turned her acetylene lamps
on me and burned me to a standstill.
Then she threw both herself and the
book on our nearly-Persian rug and
began to roll around the room. Seek
ing new worlds to conquer, she rolled
out into the dining room. bumped into
the sideboard, and exit. rolling into
hall with glass-crash.
whats the idea?" l gasped, when
friend wife rolled back into my life
again and dropped anchor in a Morris
chair.
Reducing" she answered in the
still, small voice of a Marathon run
ner at the end of the ninety-fourth
mile. Then she rushed out and
weighed herself and came back with
the glad tidings that she'd lost six
and one-quarter ounces.
Eat one of our new cooks break
fast rolls and get 1t back permanent
ly," l suggested, and Peaches didn't
speak to me for twenty minutes.
The next morning Aunt Louisa Mif-