davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1915-09-10
Understood His Profession.

The professor of Jurisprudence in a
western university was lecturing to a
hundred embryo lawyers. He asked
whether anyone in America could own
property. One fellow answered, mo,
a criminal can't own property"
But the professor said: Suppose a
man who owns ranch gets into trou-
BILE with his neighbor, assaults him
and is put into the Denitentiary, does
he still own the ranch?"
The class was unanimous that he
did, says the Youths Companion.
''If he did not continue to own it,
went on the professor. what would
become of it?"
That was supposed to settle the dis
cussion, but one boy called out. "The
lawyer would get it."
There was hearty laugh, of course,
and the professor added:
1--WE learn two things from that apt
remark: be lawyer, and don't be a
criminal"
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1915-09-10

has no bad luck, find himself in pos
session of enough animals to start him
on the highway to success.
It is always best to buy registered
animals for breeding, but if crosses
are used with registered stallion one
can in time breed up to very high
standard. Shetlands are very easily
kept. They REQUIRE but little grain,
and will do very well on rocky hill
sides where there is fair pasturage.
They need shelter in bad weather,
Of course, but an open shed, wind
tight on three sides, leaving the south
side open, will be all that is necessary.
A good wire fence is required to
keep them in bounds, as Shetlands are
extremely curious and somewhat rest
less, and will manage to get over, I'M
der, or through the average farm
fence.
If handled from birth they are very
easily broken, and at three years old
will be ready to ride or drive. Pure
bred Shetlands find ready sale at
prices ranging from $125 to 5000, and
exceptionally fine specimens bring
even higher prices.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1915-09-10
Humorous Fact of History.

The enactment of the law of habea
corpus marks an important epoch ID
the progress of civil liberty in Eng
land, and is regarded as one Of the
great achievements Of Charles the
Seconds reign. Charles himself DID
not want the law, but just at the time
he was very anxious to curry favor
with the people, and was afraid %
oppose SO popular a measure. lido
friends and foes of the act were pref
ty evenly divided in parliament Du
in the final vote it was carried. InS
manner of it's passage, however, Wa
both comical and illegal. While us
voting was going on very fat l0'
arose and asked that his vote be ~
corded in the affirmative. In a spin
OF fun the clerk announced ten VoIs'
for him, to accord with his great sNS
They were so recorded. and for son'
unexplained reason the terror" W@
never corrected. The strangest pa'
of it Is, the majority for the meaSuN
was less than ten; hence it would nav
failed of passage without the fat lorO'
extra votes.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1915-09-10
Not an industrious Lad.

Young Henry Biggs, the millers
son, who had been apprenticed to
Farmer Grubbins, had not proved what
might be described as a conspicuous
success. And so, when old Biggs came
along one day to ask what progress
the lad was making, there came GER
tain dubious expression into the old
farmers eye.
"Well," he drawled, "'tisn't that
wish to discourage you nor your son
neither. 'Tisn't that wish to be grum-
blin' at him one bit. He don't do moth
in wrong-nothin' at all, II he can
help it. But / will say. Miller Biggs,
that it's my opinion that If your son
Harry had another hand, he'd want
another pocket to put it in. London
Tit-Bits.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1915-09-10

VIZ HEN Aunt Martha gave friend
Nv wife that new-fangled camera
had a bunch that the dealers in pho
tographic supplies would be joyously
shrieking the return Of good times
and hotfooting it to the bank with the
contents Of my wallet.
Peaches just grabbed that camera
and went after everybody and every
thing in the neighborhood.
She took about eight hundred views
Of Uncle Peters country home before
she discovered that the camera wasn't
loaded properly, which was tough on
Peaches, but good for the bungalow.
Like everything else in this world,
picture pinching from still life de-
ponds entirely on the point of view
If your point Of view is all right, It's
an easy matter to make four-dollar
doghouse look like the villa of Wall
street broker at Newport.
Ten minutes after friend wife had
been given the camera she had me
set up as a statue all over Uncle Pc
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1915-09-10
SEEING LIFE U1M
rg7N1 JOHN HENRY
~ ~ eO1qeV Hobart
S(IX\@ENt1 John Henry on Snapshots
John Henry on Snapshots

in exclaiming: "Oh, joy! John, have
developed two pictures!"
l wish you could have seen the ex-
preston on Peaches face.
In order to develop the films pic
turesque assortment Of drugs and
chemicals has to be used.
Well, friend wife had used them.
A silent little stream of wood alco-
hol was trickling down over her left
ear into her Psyche knot, and on the
end Of her nose about six grains of ex-
tract of potash was sending out sig
nails of distress to some spirits of tur-
pentine which was burning on the top
of her right eyebrow.
Something dark and lingering like
iodine had given her chin the double.
cross and her apron look like the rem.
nants of porous plaster.
Her right hand had red. white,
green. purple and magenta mark all
over it, and her left hand looked axe
the Fourth of July.
"John!" she yelled. Here it is!
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1915-09-10
FOX TELLS ANOTHER STORY.

"I wish Mr.. Fox would tell another
story" said Jack Rabbit, as he pre-
pared to go again to the hillside and
consult the source of wisdom upon
which he had now come to depend
very much.
"That story which he told me re-
Gently Of the mouse and the frog was
very interesting, and it illustrated SO
well the fact that so many of us seem
bound to make ourselves uncomfort-
able by binding ourselves to persons
and things unsuited to us. / shall
certainly try to make him tell an
other story today"
When Jack Rabbit got to Mr.. Fox's
house he did not find him at home;
but, knowing that unless something
very important detained him, he would
soon be there, he sat down to wait.
And as he waited he saw on the
ground beside him great number Of
ants, which were rushing about and
hurrying in all directions-at least
that was the way it seemed to Jack
Rabbit, although he thought they
must know what they were doing,
else they would not be working so
hard.
He was busy watching the ants,
when, all at once, he was surprised to
find Mr.. Fox standing right beside
him and saying: How do you do this
morning?"
Jack Rabbit was rather ashamed to
be caught watching the ants, and
started to make some explanation of
what he was doing, when he was
stopped by Mr.. Fox, who said: Don't
excuse yourself for watching the ants.
There are very few of us animals
who could not learn more than we al
ready know from these little insects,
for they are very wise, and do many
things much better than even men do
them. They are systematic and me-
thodical; they know the rules of war
and forms Of government; they can
lift more than their own Weight and
carry it a long way; they care for
their sick, and provide for their flu
ture, and, above all, they have sense
of gratitude, and after I have got
some of this dirt off my paws and
washed my face / will teach you a
bit of wisdom by telling you story
Of an ant that was first told years
and years ago by wise old fox in Per-
STA, whose stories have been retold by
many another fox who was not so
WISE"
Jack Rabbit was delighted to think
that Mr.. Fox was going to tell him an
other story without his even having
to ask him, and he was very impatient
while Mr.. Fox was washing his paws
and face and getting off some Of the
dirt, which, I fear, had got on them
while he was digging hole under
the fence which Farmer Wilson had
recently built around his chicken
yard.
Finally, however, he completed his
bath, and he had scarcely got to the
door Of his house before he began his
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1915-09-10
-where is Mrs.. Henrya" | Inquired.

1.-THE idea Of such a thing" friend
wife snapped. "Can't you see that
you're holding the picture the wrong
way? Turn it around and you viii see
what it isl"
/ gave the thing another turn.
Gee Whit" / said. Now I have
it! Oh, the limit! You wished to
surprise me with a picture of the sun
set at Governors island How lovely
it is! See, over here in this corner
there's a bunch of soldiers listening
to what's cooking for supper, and
over here is the smoke from the gun
that sets the sum like it,
Then my wife grabbed the picture
out of my hands and burst into
speech
why do you try to discourage my
efforts to be artistic?" she volleyed
and Numbered. This is a picture of
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1915-09-10

hunter. going through the wood, Saw
the same dove sitting on the branch
of q tree, and determined to kill 1t.
The dove, intent upon watching ner
nest, did not see the hunter, and SO
did not fly away; but the ant, watch
ing the hunter while he loaded his
gun. knew that the dove was in dan
ger. and determined. il possible, to
save her. He ran as fast as he could
toward the hunter, and reached MIN
just as he was making ready to nre.
"Scrambling as fast as he could up
the hunters leg, he reached bare
place above his stocking Just as the
hunter aimed his gun. and, biting him
as hard as he could, he made the
hunter miss his aim, and the SOUND
of the gun alarming the dove, she
flew away to a safe place.
WELL" said Jack Rabbit, that was
certainly a fine thing for the ant to
do, and particularly as it is not likely
the dove ever knew why it was the
hunter missed his aim"
Indeed" said Mr.. Fox. 1T was all
the more credit to the ant that no
performed the kindness without ex-
pecting the whole world to know OF it.
And the whole story" continued Mr..
Fox, furnishes proof of the lesson
that even the smallest sort of kind
ness is profitable to the one who
does it.
"And now l am going in to take
nap" said Mr.. Fox, "for / have had
very busy night and morning doing
kindness to Farmer Wilson's chickens.
He had built fence SO tight chat
there was no way they could get out
Of their yard; but have dug them
nice hole under the fence, and ! think
one or two of them will get out by
tomorrow morning"
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1915-09-10
VICTORY RESTED WITH PAT
Lawyer Got Decidedly the Worst Of
Verbal Combat With Irish
Jockey.

An Irish jockey was called as wit
ness in trial, and the opposing coun-
sci was doing all he could to invali-
date his testimony.
What are you?" he began in a
bullying tone.
"Sure, I'm a jockey, same as my
father was before!" was the reply.
"Ah!" said the barrister, thrusting
his hands into his pockets and prepar-
ing to enjoy himself hugely with the
witness, "and I suppose your father
did little cheating in his time, like
the rest of the fraternity"
"Troth, and I suppose he did now
an thin" was the quiet response.
"And where do you suppose he is
now?"
I'm heaven, I hope, rest his soul. "
"And what should such fellows as
Jockeys do there, should like to
know" inquired the barrister, in a
voice of thunder.
Paddy scratched his head. Then,
with a sly grin, he replied
Train bosses for the angels, per-
haps"
"And cheat them as they did their
fellow mortals?"
Maybe So" replied the jockey, still
unabashed.
"Ah! they would be prosecuted
them" exclaimed the barrister, tri'
umphantly.
"Sorra Bit" answered the witness
"And why?'
Because they might search over
and over again, and no lawyer would
they find there"
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1915-09-10
FRENCH BOY DISPLAYS PLUCK
Cuts PIanks for Floor for Trench
While Within Thirty-Six Yards Of
Enemy-Enemy Astonished.

A patient in the American am
bulance hospital at Neuilly-sur-Seine
tells the following story of one of his
comrades:
1--WE had been living in the trenches
for days with the water above our
ankles. At that time our trenches
were only thirty-six yards away from
the German trenches, so that we could
hear the enemy talking and whistling,
and, indeed, we often called across to
them.
"One day, young p, who was hot
tempered chap about twenty-one years
of age, threw down his shovel and
said that he wouldn't work in such
a nasty hole another moment, and
that he had rather die once from a
German bullet than live another day
in the trench. Anyhow, he was going
out to chop some wood for floor
and let the Germans shoot him If
they wished.
Thereupon p. calmly crawled out
of the trench, walked to a woodpile
in full sight of the Germans, and be-
gan making planks from the wood.
He worked whole hour, for the Ger
mans were SO much astonished at his
audacity, and so delighted with his
pluck, that they made no attempt to
stop him.
When he had finished the needed
pile OF boards, P. calmly carried them
into the trench, and the men made
good floor of them. YOUTHS Com.
panion.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1915-09-10

ter's lawn, and she was swapping at me
like Spitz doggie at peddler.
l sat for two hundred and nineteen
pictures that forenoon, and / posed
for every hero in history from Will
liam the Conoueror down to Doctor
Cook, with both feet in slushy lit
tie snowbank representing nearly-the-
north-pole.
But when she tried to coax me to
climb up on a limb of tree and
stay there till she got the picture Of
me looking like an owl, ! swore softly
in three languages, fell over the back
fence and ran for my life.
When I rubbershoed it back that
afternoon friend wife was busy devel-
oping her crimes.
The proper and up-to-date caper In
connection with taking snapshots these
days is to buy developing outfit and
upset the household from pit to dome
while you are squeezing out pictures
of every dearly beloved friend that
crosses your pathway.
Friend wife selected a spare room
on the top floor of Uncle Peters home
where she could await developments.
A half hour later CHASTITY noises be-
gan to come from that room, and mys-
tericus whisperings fell out of the
window and bumped over the lawn.
When / reached the front door /
found that the gardener had gone, the
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1915-09-10
HAD ORIGIN IN DIPLOMACY
Famous Phrase Which Is Often Used
Has Been Ascribed to
Bishop of Milan.

when you are in Rome do as Roms
does" is one of the proverbs that as
so old that their origin is lost in The
mists of antiquity.
It is generally asserted, however,
that it arose from the following Incl
dent, given in one of st. Augustine
epistles: Augustine was in the habit
of dining upon Saturday as upon Sun
day, but being puzzled with the dit
ferent practices then prevailing ta
they had begun to fast at Rome Oh
Saturday, he consulted st. AmbrOs
the bishop of Milan, on the subject
The answer of the Milan saint Wal
this: When I am here do not fast
on Saturday, but when at Rome Do
fast on Saturday."
Burton, in his Anatomy of MelaH
choly," speaks of those persons Vht
are always swayed in mind and acton
by their surroundings. when thel
are at Rome" he says, "they do tha'
as they see DONE"
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1915-09-10
USING up the Forests.

It is estimated that there are taRsp
from our forests yearly, incluanS
waste in logging and in manuractulS,
10000, 900, 900 cubic feet of wood, var
ued at about $1,25O, 100000. There al'
used in a. single year 9O,OOO,OOO cOl .S
of. f1rewood, nearly 400, OOO,OOuU"%" w,
board feet of lumber, over 444, 0VV'V.'
board feet of veneer, 135,OOO,OOO Il Oa,
1856, 100000 slaves, over 136'OUV'U% "
sets Of heading, over $50, OOOOOO O@.
rel hoops, over 100000 cords OF 10
tive pulpwood, 165, 100000 cubic ls ~
of round mine timbers, mean
100000 cords of wood for distilla'lO ~,
over 100000 cords for excelsior az ~,
nearly 100000 telegraph and 'S'
phone poles.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1915-09-10

My goodness, / am so excited! See
what fine picture of you took!"
She handed me the picture, but all
I could see was a woodshed with the
door wide open.
"a good picture of woodshed," ]
said; "but whose woodshed is it,"
"a woodshed!" exclaimed friend
wife. "Why, that is your face, John.
And where you think the door is open
is only your mouth"
l looked crestfallen and then /
looked at the picture again, but my
better nature asserted itself and l
made no attempt to strike this de-
fenseless woman.
Then she handed me another pic
ture and said: John, isn't this won
derful?"
| locked at the picture and NUT
tered: "All can see is Theodore, the
colored gardener, walking across lots
with sack of flour on his back!"
"John, you are SO stupid said
friend wife. "How can you expect to
see what it is when you are holding
the picture upside DOWN."
l turned the picture around, and
then I was quite agreeably surprised.
Its immense!" l shouted. tits the
real thing all right! Why. this is
aces! l suppose it is called, Moon
light on Lake Champlain?' Did this
come with the camera CT did you
draw it from memory"
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1915-09-10
HOW GREAT INDUSTRY BreH
Chemist May Be Said to Hav. 9.
bIed Over a Discovery Of In s'Us
mense Importance.

An experimenting chemist on,
oring to produce artificial QUINN
ing q base known as aniline not
obtained coloring matter called my
but laid the foundation for the co..,
color industry, which has devoa'
until today almost every colo,
shade of color is derived from y y
line. Aniline had been obtained Nv.
ously from the indigo plant 4an0'
The discovery of mauve creatoA
large demand for the artificial ami.
base. and gave unexpected yaIna !.
benzine. It yielded aniline by ho'
treated with nitric acid and with y
borings Of cast iron powdered w.
dust. Having done its work in ~
aniline still, the dust was used nv -
gas maker to cleanse his coal gas ~"
sulphur, and then it passed IN a.
manufacturing chemist, who burned a,
sulphur out Of it and produced a ,s
phuric acid-a cycle of operatio,.
whose beginning and end was the M
lization of waste. This method of nv.
ducing color was responsible for n,
desolate madden fields Of France an,
Holland and for the loss to the Hindu,
of their long-cherished indigo cunv,
ton. Anthracene, one of the heavs,
oils of coal tar, caused the fall Of n,
madder-growing industry. The madas,
produced violets, reds, blacks, uurr,
and dark browns. Anthracene va,
sold very cheaply for lubricating Oh,
poses until certain chemists heated i
with zinc filings and produced alizsrh
and then the secret Of the madds
plant was discovered. N this va
chemistry displaced agriculture, on
pound of alizarin having the colorip
power of ninety pounds of maddel
and the lubricating Oil sold at trs
as waste became a valuable colorp
matter.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1915-09-10
Saw on the Ground Beside Him a
Great Number Of Ants.

story. "You see," said Mr.. Fox, that
with all their other accomplishments
the ants are not very good swimmers,
and one day an ant, having ventured
too near the edge of brook, fell in,
and was in great danger of being
drowned. He called, in a feeble way,
for help, but there seemed to be no
one to hear him, and he had almost
given up hope when the current OF
the brook carried him under a tree,
upon a branch of which dove was
resting.
'The ant, seeing the dove, thought
to himself: Here is one last chance;
/ will call as loudly as I can, and if
the dove does not help me I shall give
myself up as lest
$50 he called as loudly as he could,
and the dove, hearing him, looked
down, and when he saw what the mat
ter was, plucked leaf from the tree
and dropped it into the water just
beside the ant. Though fast losing
strength, the ant managed to crawl
upon it, and the breeze, blowing the
leaf to the shore, he crawled upon dry
ground and was saved.
Now a good many animals and a
good many men would have said to
themselves: That leaf fell of the tree,
and / do not owe the dove anything
for saving my life,' and would have
at once forgotten the act of kindness.
But the ant did not do this. Instead,
he said to himself: Some day will
have chance to repay the dove.
1T was not long after this that a
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1915-09-10

waitress was leaving and the cook
was telephoning for a policeman.
Where is Mrs Henry?" I asked
Mary, the cook.
"She is still developing" said Mary.
What has she DEVELOPER" / in
Quired.
up to the present time she has de-
veloped your uncle's temper and she
has developed your aunt's appetite,
and couple of bill collectors devel-
oped pain in the neck when she took
their pictures, and if things go on in
this way think this will soon develop
into a foolish housed" said Mary, the
cook.
A half hour later, while was hid
ing behind the pianola in the living
room, not daring to breathe above a
whisper, for fear ] would get my pic
ture taken again, friend wife rushed
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1915-09-10
Secrecy in Dispatches.

The war department telegraph cU wv
revised and distributed from the oms,
of the chief signal officer OF the afI !"
is kept under lock and key in inc = =
partment, in the Office Of every pV i
commander, in the headquarters ~
every armed force in the field az =,
is issued individually to every QUIZ ".
OF the United States Signal coip I,
The navy likewise has code u =.
own, and each of the three oep s.s
ments mentioned uses, when n0''
sary, the codes of the other tWo
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1915-09-10

you holding Mrs. McIlvain's baby in
your arms, and ] think it's perfectly
lovely, even if the baby is the only in
telligent thing in he picture"
When the exer Uses were over In.
quired casually: Where, my dear,
where are the other 21,219 pictures
you snapped today?"
only these two came out good be-
cause. don't you see, I'm an amateur
yet,' was her comeback.
Then she looked lovingly at the re-
suit of her days work and began to
peel some bicarbonate of magnesia
off her knuckles with the nut cracker
"Only two out of 21,219-I think you
ought to call it long shot instead OF
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1915-09-10
A Call for Assistance.

$50 you want me to come and re-
form Crimson Gulch?" said the per-
suasive speaker.
THAT amt exactly what we're att
err" replied Three Fingered Sam, after
a few words with the rest of the COM
mittee. 1--WE want you to come around
an whoop it. up an tell us what a
rip-snortin', wicked community we are,
SOS to contradict the impression that
the old Gulck is dyin' on its feet"
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1915-09-10
TO START BOY IN BUSINESS
Shetland Ponies Are Easily Kept and
Require But Little Grain-Do
Very Well on HiIlsides.

A good way for a boy to start in
business is by raising Shetland ponies.
A very well-bred mare can be bought
for $125 to 5000, the latter figure be-
ing for pure bred.
Starting with mare in foal, boy
can, in the course of five years, if he
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1915-09-10
Johnnx,s Sore Hand.
paniOn.

Johnny, how did you hurt your
hand? l hope you haven't been fight.
ing again"
willie Jones called me a liar,
mother, an then he hit me on the fist
with his teeth. Life.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1915-09-10
state of CONFUSION.

Does your wife play bridge n,
Il don't know. She tried 10 la Lao
me how it is played, and u UNI NJ
is the game she tried to teacn
NOBODY can play it"
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1915-09-10

a snapshot" l whispered, after had
lodged behind sofa.
She went out of the room without
saying word, and I took cut my
pocketbook and looked at it wistfully
copyright, 1915, by the Mcclure Newspa-
per Syndicate.)