Tombstone epitaph., 1915-01-24

could speak up at a Meeting of Direc- tors. Until the year 1895. the restrict ed Side-Whisker was an accepted Trade Mark of Commercial Probity.
 This Facial Landscaping. the Frock Coat. and a steadfast devotion to Toil- ct Soap made him suitable for Ex- hibition Purposes.
 Frances became almost fond of him. after the Honeymoon evaporated and their Romance ripened into Acquaint- anceship.
 It was a gladsome day for both when she traced the Dope back through Swizzet County, Pennsylvania, and discovered that she was an honest-to- goodness Daughter of the American Revolution.
 Willoughby could not ask a repre- sentative of good-old Colonial Stock to ride around in a stingy Coupe with Coon planted out on the Weather Seat.
 He changed the Terms in several Leases and was enabled to slip her a hot Surprise on the Birthday.
 When she came down the Steps for the usual bowl along the Avenue. so as to get some Fresh Smoke. she be- held rubber-tired Victoria, drawn by two expersive Bang-Tails in jingly Harness and surmounted by import ant Turks in overwhelming Livery.
 She was so trancified with Delight that she went right over to Willough- by and gave him a Sweet Kiss. after looking about rather carefully for the exposed portion of the Frontispiece.
 Frances did a lot of Calling within the next two weeks, and to all those who remarked upon the smartness of the Equipage, she declared that the Man she had to put up with carried Throbbing Heart even if he was an Intellectual Eidge.
 In the yeaI 1913. a slender Young Thing. all of whose Habiliments seemed melting and dripping down. ward, came wearily from Stateroom B. as the Train pulled into Reno, Nevada.
 She seemed quite alone, except for a couple of Maids.
 After she had given Directions con cerning the zine Wardrobe Trunks and the Live Stock, she was motored to a specially reserved Cottage at the corner of Liberty Street and Hope Avenue
 Next day shs sat at the other side of a Table from a Lawyer. removing the poisoned Javelins from her fragile Person and holding them up before the shuddering Shyster.
 She had Tale of Woe calculated to pulp Heart of Stone. In blocking out the Affidavit, her sympathetic At torney made Pencil Notes as follows:
 Her name was Ethel Louise, ia vorite Daughter of Willoughby and Frances, the well-known Blue-Bloods of the Western Metropolis.
 She had finished of at Miss Sniff fie's exclusive School, which over looked the Hudson and the Common School Branches
 After she learned how to enter a BallRoom and while on her way to dlldCh EulOpS lO' lHt lulTu tune, tue Viper crossed her Pathway.
 She accepted him because his name was Hubert, he looked like an Eng lishman, and one of his Ancestors turned the water into Chesapeake Bay.
 While some of the Wedding Guests were still in the Hospital. he began to practice the most diabolical Cruel ties.
 He induced her to get on his yacht and go cruising through the Mediter- ranean when she wanted to take an Apartment in Paris.
 At Monte Carlo he scolded her for borrowing 5000 Francs from a Rus sian Grand Duke after she went broke at bucking the Wheel. She had met the Duke at a Luncheon the day be- fore and his Manners were perfect.
 The Lawyer said that Hubert was a Pup. beyond all Cavil.
 Cairo, Egypt, yielded up another Dark Chapter of History.