The Washburn times. [volume] (Washburn, Wis.) 1896-1976, 1915-12-16
Ruben $ Old Dad
What Busted Him All to Squash
BY M. QUAD
Copyright, 1915, by the Mcclure
Newspaper Syndicate.

man of twenty turned and replied:
stranger, / can tell We all about IL.
Do you want to see the corpse!"
rs some one dead?
Dead as a coon track, and it's my
own dad at that"
Been a row here?'
mot a bit of it. Dad jest made
fule of hisself. He's in thar Wa1tln
fur a cart to take hisself home to be
laid out and buried
sNever seed nuthin' to ekal it in all
my bon days." said a man in the
crowd.
81 was right yere or l wouldn't hev
staggered to it nohow," added Sec
ond.
ut was jest this way, stranger"
continued the son as he picked silver
off pine box and began to white at
it with spring back jackknife: dad
and me comes down yere this mornin
to buy a mewl. Dad was powerful
frisky all the way down, and he SEE
to me, SEE he:
"'Ruben, l kin outwalk, Outrun. out
shute, outholler and outlick anything
on top of this yere airth's surface
81 sees dad was purity chucky, and
SEE to him, SEE:
dad, you's top Of the heap round
we're, and nobody kin deny it. but doan'
you go and meet up with no fight In
town. Yves arter a mewl, we Is, and
f,1c, inn, inf in
"And with that dad jumps TO feet
high. and cracks his heels together,
and whoops out that he's bar traps,
pizen. powder and catamOunt all boil
ed down into one, and that he's dam
gerous if anybody goes to pick up bis
hind foot"
"Yaas, and 1 hears him boiler when
he's a mile away" said one Of the
crowd.
"Of co'se you did," replied Ruben;
"of co'se. Dad was powerful on hol-
lerin'. He'd holler bar out'n tree
half a mile away. When he got down
we're thar was Teller from Memphis
with a patent liftin' masheen a-stand-
in right yere. Thar's the pieces of it
agin this fence, while the Teller his
self is ten miles away and still rum
nin'.'
"But twasn't his fault" protested a
man on muleback.
st amt sayin' as twas" placidly
answered Ruben. I'm sayin' as dad
got mixed up and made fule of his
self. No sooner had he sot eyes on
the masheen than he cracks his heels
together and crows like rooster and
seq to me, SEE he:
"'Ruben, I kin pull the hull state of
Tennessee right up by the roots If |
kin git brace fur my feet
"Yaas, 1 heard him say them re-
marks" put in one of the crowd.
"Of co'se he said EN-" continued
Ruben; "of co'se. He spit on his
hands. grabbed them ERE handles and
when he Strengthened up jest felt the
ground trenholm all around"
''So'd Iv' called seven or eight voices
in chorus.
dad had one side of the hull coun-
try lifted up two foot high when there
was a rip and a smash, them handles
tore out, the masheen flew to pieces
and the airth sunk back with a chug
which made us dizzy"
"Then your father had broken
blood vessel or something of the sort?"
I queried.
"Skeersly, stranger, skeersly. Dad
wasn't no man to stop at one blood
vessel He jest busted hisself all to
pieces and was a goner afore we
could reach him. l might say he sort
Of run together and caked. He was
six foot high when he grabbed them
ERE handles, and now you can't make
him over four foot eight as he lays in
thar on a board. Jest pulled his knees
up and his shoulders down, and reck-
on his pants would hold his gal
luses up If thar was any buttons on
'em. The man who owned the ma
sheen wasn't to blame-of cO'se he
wasn't-but when he seed the calam-
ity he started fur Knoxville on the
jump, and he was jumpin' when he
turned the co'ner Of the hill up thar.
Dads in yere, stranger. Come and
take look. Mighty good man he was"
"And you are waiting to take the
body home?" I queried as a wagon
drove up to the shed.
THAT'S it, stranger"
cit will be sad sight for your moth
er to see the body come home"
'"Toler'bly sad, toler'bly sad" replied
the young man, though she's been ex-
pectin' it for the last ten Vars. I
know about what she'll say. AS the
wagon drives up and she sees me she'll
stand In the door and call out:
Has it happened this time, RubeY
"'Yep, maw.'
Smashed up or deadT
"'Dead as dead rabbit
Tackle an elephant did he?
"Wurs'n that, maw.'
ga hull circus?'
"'And wuss than that. He tried to
lift the hull airth on one Of them ma
sheens.'
"'Shoo! Shoe! And it busted himY
All to smash
"'DOctor look at him.?
Two of 'em. and both agreed that
his prancin' days was over
WAL. | knowed they'd be if he
kept whoopin' it up, an mebbe he's
better off. At least well allow that
he is, and you cum in and cut some
wood and feed the hawg and we'll git
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