South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1915-04-30
THE MELTING POT
GOMEZ TAKE POTLUCK WITH US.

they'll come 10 South Bend to get it.
when the mountain wouldn't come
10 MahOmet, he went 10 it, Why,
Reno won't be in our class. She can
only serve the United States. South
Bend will serve the world. How is it
that old song goes? Something about
Greenland's icy mountains and India s
coral strand; they'll all come.
Why soon II will be as great a fad
10 have a South Bend stomach put in
as TO have an appendix taken out. The
Dixie highway will be only a trifling
matter, but we Will get it. Those
sons of the south will consent to no
other route: they'll never pass up a
city whereby laying over short time
they can go forth fully equipped for
the Michigan Sahara.
Turn an optimistic reporter loose
on this subject of city boom; new
hotels, cafes, restaurants and resi-
dences; let him close his eyes to police
reports; make il his business to blaZon
the name South Bend in letters of
gold. wit hgreenbacks, high on the
Temple of Fame. We will follow the
example of a noted rich philanthropist
get the coin first, and settle with our
conscience later, by endOwing univer-
sites, churches and contributing TO
the prohibition campaign fund.
l shall have a South Bend stomach
put in. Am already dreaming of the
good l can do, thinking of the time
when l find a fellow traveller fainting
in the Berrien Sahara, how 1 will give
him the kiss of brotherly love and
squirt a good drink down his parched
throat: for If l can't feed the lambs
I'll at least water the goats. HOS.
OLD HOS can consider himself spe-
cially favored. We don't habitually
put as much of one kind of matter
IN the Pot at the same time When
il comes in punches like that we eth
er throw it bodily into the scrap pile
or smelt 1t in sections. But Old Hos
found something new, which he
couldn't stop talking about and we
hadn't the heart TO either cut it or
scrap it, That is our apology, should
II be needed.
A MODERN substitute for Garry
ing Goals to Newcastle" might be
Driving automobiles to Detroit or
shipping plOws to South Bend"
AND speaking of motor cars, here
is an application from an Ohio paper:
What Is Progress?" asks a lecturer.
Well, Mister, the best way we can get
at 1t is to have you dig up magazine
published in 1906 and take a look at
the kind of looking things they were
trying to sell for automobiles then.
1T is immaterial to us that a lot OF
new laws, enacted by the late lament
ed legislature, are now in force. There
were several volumes before this we
never paid particular attention to.
But Why Leave the Money?
Detroit TiInes.)
She declared that she heard a slight
noise, shortly after o'clock in the
morning, and went down stairs to in
vestigate clad only in her night cloth
ing and with a small bag, containing
the $131, pinned to her underclothing.
ONE Of our modern fads is to talk
efficiency and print it in books and
pamphlets and newspapers, but what
does il all amount to if the man you
hired to spade your garden got an
advance and jumped the job in the
middle of it?
SO many things to do the first of the
week,
So many to do in the middle;
It's like the old game Of hide and seek,
Or dancing to the cat and fiddle.
c. n. f.