La Junta tribune., 1915-02-20
HExpEcKED HUSBAND.
Fatty Lewis Has an Unpleasant Half
Hour With His Better Half.

"Oh, II made an awful hit with
Z her" Fatty Lewis declared. She
liked II SO well that she's taken my
name out of the pot. broken my plate
and treats me like ! was boarder
three weeks behind In my dues"
'.You got a lot OF license going
around telling stories about how
busy ! am, she says. Nobody
needs TO waste any sympathy on me.
You're the one they should feel sor-
ry for. You're the little old queen
bee. you are. You're fine provid-
er. honestly believe you're smart
enough almost to get an iron watch
fob ut an implement dealers con-
vention.
"'You should squawk about the
hard times a woman has around the
house. Why didn't you tell Il all
while you are at it, she declared.
Tell 'em how hard II is for you to
lie In bed while l get up and make
the fires and get the breakfast. Let
EN- know that you won't get up un-
I'll the morning paper arrives and
then come down to breakfast and
bury yourself In II. and II anybody
asks you u question the best they
get for an answer is a grunt or
sour look.
"'You who the night before were
the life OF the party. Told lot
of funny stories and led the singing.
I wish your friends could see you at
breakfast In your first class imper-
sonation OF the Sphinx. You look
as inviting as a no trespassing sign.
II would actually be dangerous for
anyone who didn't carry accident in
surance to even speak to you.
Business Worries she shifted.
You may have them. but II they've
added pinochle and draw poker to
business courses In the colleges It's
news to me. You needn't blame me
II you don't draw the third ace. I
don't deal the cards. Take your
grouches out on the people you play
with.
And speaking of the laundry
she added. Why Is Il you always
want to wear a shirt some place
Shen it's In the wash, None OF the
shirts that are ready ever suit you.
I don't wear your shirts and get 'em
dirty. Yet you always act like It's
my fault that the particular shirt
you want TO wear isn't ready for
use.
"'Some OF your friends ought to
get q peep at you some night when
you come home and supper isn't on
the table and waiting for you.' she
continued. 'Of eours. n you're late
or meet some friend and don't come
home at all--thats all right. Sup
per can get cold and the rest OF US
eat II. You're a business man. and
of course business II liable to detain
anybody.
"a ~omans a fine simp trying 10
be economical and save some money
around the house. she declared.
while old Mr.. Goodfeilow Is hard nj
work sitting out watching n ball
game and betting fifty cents that n
runner don't see first-or bumming
around thirst pariors buyin. drinks
for bar'end.rs. You might as well
buy apples and throw 'cm in an orch.
ard. And while we're on that sub.
jcct.' she continued. don't take the
trouble Of slipping off your shoes
and run the risk of catching cold
walking around In your stocking
feet thinking I can't hear you three
houses away from here. You
breathe like = ~ind-brokcn horse.
with that asthmatie-~hcesc.
And another thins I might add
II that you didn't get away with that
stunt last summer of coming home
AT dayiish, and getting out the lawn
mower ana start cutting the grass.
trying TO make mo bciivc you got
ap early. knew you hadn't been
In the house. The air Was too pure.
There wasn't = trace Of alcohol IN
the room.
you should Mid somebody about
being busy. she declared. You with
your "Dearie. where's my sockss"
Where's the clean handkerchicss."
Where did you put my shoesi"
u cant find my hat" And I'm
late: viii you put the buttons In my
shirt" Why. you could be In the
middle Of an acre Of clean clothes
aud couldn't find one sock n some.
body didn't lay Il on . chair rlsh,
under your nose. I'd have at least
two more hours day u I just didn'I
have 20 pick up the things you leave