davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
, 1915-03-24

and Prince George fired at batteries F., r.
and H, a heavy fire beng opened on the
ships from h0Witzers and field guns The
French squadron comprising the Sutfrtn,
.Guulois, C~narlemogne aud BOuyrt advanced
up the Dardanelles and engaged the forts ut
closer range, forts J, u, f aud + replying
strongly, but their fire was sIleuced by the
ten battIeshjp5 inside the Strait. All the
ships were ht several times daring tins part
OF the action. When all had ceased firing
the Vengeance, Irresislihle, Albion, Ocean,
Swlftsure md Aujrstic advanced TO relieve
SIX other b0ttltslips inside lie Strait, and
rs the French squadron, which had enga9-
ed the forts in the most brl limit fashion,
was passing out, The "Bouvel" was blown W
by Il drifting nine aud sank in thiriy-slX
fathoms of water, north Of the Erenkeul vii
lage, under three minutes. The relief bat
tIesaips renewed the attack on the forts,
which again opened fire, bat the attack was
maintained, while the operations of the mine
sWtepprs continued. The IL resistibIe" quilted
the iiue, listing heavily, and si,nk, having
probably struck a drifting mine. The
"Ocetm'' also struck a mine and sank.
Both vessels sank in deep wafer, but
Drnct}caly the whole of their crew were
removed safely under hot fire. The French
ba.tlcehlp "Ganlols" was damaged by gun
fire, and the battle cruiser "IutieXibIe' which
had the forward control position was hit by
a heovy shell and requires repuir. The
bombardment Of the forts and the mine
sweeping operations terminated when dark
ness frll. The damage to The forts, which
was effected 10y a prolonged direct fire by the
very powerful forces employed, has not yet
been estimated, but u further report viii
follow. The loss OF the ships was
caustd by mines drifting with the current
which were encountered III areas bitherO
swept clean, and this danger requires special
Treatment. The British casualties ia pei
sonol we're not heavy, considering tie scale
of the operations, but practically the whole
crew Of the "Bouvet" were lost with the
ship, an Internal explosion having apparently
supelvcned on the explosion Of the mine.
Ou Tuesday Yicc-Aamiral Garden htca1n9
iucapacitated by illness and was succeeded
in the chief command iy Reo Admira' do
Robeck, @iih The acting rank u VEGA jmt
raj.
, 1915-03-24
Censored at Janaica !

London, March 20 h-The total tonnage
engaged IN the bombardment Of the Dn-
danelle< was 232, 528, with over two hun
bred guns above six inches keeping mp n
steady stream OF shells, the three warship8
lost had a personnel Of 2,l51 and ten twelve
inch guns.
A French official commun que states "Tho
French and British bottleahips violently
bombardel forts K.lIjd 5uhr and Chauak,
also forts Sonaiu Dere, Dardauu, and Keep
hcz point on Thursday. The results during
the hot day were acquired at the cost of
considerable loss. The battlesAip "Bouyet"
was sunk, following IN expioeion through
coming in contact with a mine, and he
batlleskip "Gaul0is" was momeutariIy put
out of action by reason Of damage caused
by the fire of the enemy. The English feet
suffered equally. two battlesbips being sunk
by mines. These painful losses will not stop
the operations. AS soon rs the news of the
accident to the "Bouvet' was received the
Minister of Marine telegrarhed the battle
ship <'Henri Quatre' Oh the Syrian coast
to replace the "Bouvet." Information re
garding the fate Of the crew of the "Bouvet'
has not been received, but a certain
communication permits the statement that
part of the crew was saved, but the exact
number is not known"
The Governments conferences with the re
representatives. of the Trade Unions have
been concluded and an agreement hns
been drNughted which is to be submitted to
the operatives, and it is assumed that
they will coufrm it. The main points agreed
upon are that there shall be no stoppage
during the war Of any work required for the
prosecution thereof, and that all disputes
shall DE arranged rs specified in the agree
ment. The Union leaders, at a conference,
will advise the workers that it IS Imperative
to relax the Union regulations, including
any that may affect the free employment Of
women during the war, provided the Gov
eminent guarantees that after the war the
restoration of the regulations will be recog-
nized, and that nothing be allowed to pre-
JUDGE the position Of the operatives. 1t has
been further agreed that the position Of the
employers is not to be prejudiced by any
, 1915-03-24

ed, while ten others III a near. by car, which
caught fire, were seriously injured.
The Zeppelin in its fight over the town
threw fourteen bombs, but without causing
any other damage.
A Berlin official bulletin states: "a squad
ron of six British and -four French battleshlps
ON Thursday morning attacked three forts
in the Dnrdanelles, while another squadron
simultaneously commenced operations
against three forts on the Gulf Of Saros,
but after a fierce artillery duel the hostile
ships withdrew at two in the afternoon. The
French battleship "Bouvet" struck a mine
Mt half past two in The vicinity of the en-
trance to the Straits, and .apk IN three min
utes. A British torpcdobont was sunk by
the fire from the forts, while the British
hattleship Irresistible was put out of ac-
ton and another battIeship was seriously
damaged".
, 1915-03-24
PASSENGERS.
Chrisliansted

March 20th-"Dannebrog" for st. Tho
mus-J ulia Simon and Edward Rafael, Alex
ondrine Lewis, Oyelberjrnt c. Espersen,
Cumelita Henry.
, 1915-03-24

The s.. s. "Korona" for New York is due
at Frederiksted tomorrow morning at &
o'clock and will sail about 7 o'clock.
, 1915-03-24

The Factory Sugar Price
was fixed on Monday at So 90 pen 100 Tbs.
sugar, which gives 20 30 cents per 100 tbs.
canes.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1915-07-23
Natures Crushing Plant.

A well-known manufacturer Of crush
ing machinery gives it as his opinion
that there is but one manufacturer
who has ever produced a perfect pull
verizing machine, and that is the Di-
vine Inventor. He continues: II exam
ined one Of His machines in 1882. i was
impressed with the magnificent output
of million tons day, crushed from
coarse to shines or silt, according to
figures given in a report Of the United
States geological survey. / am refer
ring to the great Colorado river. It
generates its own power, with no loss
Of time for repairs, no slipping of tap
pets. no broken cams and no dropping
Of stamp heads-a perfect work from
start to finish, and perfect object
lesson for the inventor. Large irreg-
ular rocks are worn into powders, and
from that into cobblestones, and from
cobblestones into sand, and from sand
into slime, aid then delivered to
points where the product will do the
most good for the human race. The
immense Imperial valley and various
other valleys have the finished prod
uct from that magnificent pulverizing
machine. Engineering and Mining
Journal.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1915-07-23

into the speed limit with smoke
wagon.
Even when they go counting they
have to play to the gallery.
Nowadays Gonsalvo H. Puffenlotz
walks into the parlor to see Miss
Imogene Hoffbrew.
''Wie gents, Imogene!" says Con
salvo.
"Simlich!" says Imogene, standing
at right angles near the piano because
she thinks she is Gibson girl.
'Imogene, dearest" Gonsalvo con-
tinues, IT called on your papa In Wall
street yesterday to find out how much
money you have, but he refused to
name the sum, therefore you have un-
told wealth."
Gonsalvo pauses to let the Partisan
clock on the mantle tick, tick, tick!
He is making the bluff of his life,
you see, and he has to do even that
on tick.
Besides, this furnishes the local
color.
Then Gonsalvo bursts forth again:
''Imogene! Oh! Imogene! Will you
be mine and | will be thine without
money and without the price?"
Gonsalvo pauses to let this idea get
noised about a little.
Then he goes on: BE mine, Imo-
gene! You will be minus the money
!, while will have the price!"
Gonsalvo trembles with the passion
which is consuming his pocketbook,
and then Imogene turns languidly from
a right angle triangle into more of a
straight front and hands Gonsalvo a
bitter look of scorn.
Then Gonsalvo grabs his revolver,
and aiming it at her marble brow, ex-
claims, Marry me this minute or l
will shoot you in the topknot, because
I love you"
Gcnsalvo politely requests the cid gen.
tIeman to hold two or. three bullets
for him for few moments.
Gcnsalvo then bites deeply into a bot
tie of carbolic acid and just as the
coroner climbs into the house the pic
lures of the modern lover and lover
ess appear in the newspapers and fash
ionable society receives jolt.
This is the new up-to-date way OF
making love.
However, think the old style Of
counting is the best, because you can
generally stop jag before it gets to
the undertaken.
What do you think?
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1915-07-23
WAS DOUBLING UP ON LIFE
Small Girls Unfortunate Remem.
brance of Mothers Remark
Caused Embarrassment.

Col. George Harvey said at ban.
Quet in his honor IN New York:
I'VE editors like criticism. espe-
cially when it is of the very favorable
kind that I've received this evening.
But not all criticism is favorable
even for the most successful editors
A good many editors, In fact, often
find themselves in the position of the
rich old broker whose little grand.
niece said:
"'Uncle, how long do people live?
The natural span of mans life
the uncle answered, is, as the Good
Book tells us, three score years and
ten
cob, then you'll live to be one hun.
dred and forty, won't you uncle?'
s'The old man looked around the
room crowded with relatives and
laughed heartily.
Why. no. he said. Why. no. How
do you make that out?'
"Tsn't it true, then said the little
girl-'isn't it true what mamma says
about you living a double life?' -
Washington Star.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1915-07-23
SEEING LIFE with
r7N1 JOHN HENRY
a. g GeOlqeX Hobart
Eks(H[1YENYT'( John Henry on the Lovelorn
John Henry on the Lovelorn

'erful gray hair and golden eyes, per-
fly bew'ful, girl. told your husban'
all about her-I made confession that
/ was madly In love with this bew'fu
girl and your husban' told me to go
and propose to her and drag her off
to minister and / did propose-my
mistake. After made my speech she
said to me, this bew'ful girl said to
me: That's all right; no doubt you do
love me, but are you eugenic?" And
said, No, I'm Presbyterian.
Dixie paused to let the horror of the
scene sink in and then he fell over
board again with a moist splash.
THAT bew'ful girl JUS glanced at
me coldly-ju' merely indicated the
door, that bew'ful girl, and passed
out of her life f'rever Two days later
found out JUS what eugenic meant
and b'lieve me, from my heart, my
sincere regret is that / was not col
lege bred before met that bew'ful
girl
Saying this he grabbed wineglass
from the table and held it close to his
heart in order to illustrate the inten-
sity of his feeling.
The next instant a thick, reddish
liquid began to flow sluggishly over
the bosom of his immaculate white
shirt and was lost in the region OF his
equator, seeing which Dixie gave vent
to yell that brought the walters on
the hot foot.
I'm stabbed, stabbed" groaned
the startled jag-carpenter, clutching
wildly at his shirt front as the plate
passers bore him away to haven OF
rest.
tits my clam cocktail" whispered
Stephen to me; Il poured it in his
wineglass cause they was too much
tobascum sauce in it for mel"
Brave boy!" answered. 1T was a
kindly deed"
Then we finished our dinners in all
the refined silence OF Saint Astormore
so carefully furnishes.
bikes sad story of misplaced af-
lection and an unused dictionary puts
us wise to the fact that in these
CuduS0lul OdJS OVSu Lu0 CAO.ld0AA1AAO0
idea of courtship has been chased to
the woods
It used to be that on a Saturday
evening the Young Gent would draw
down six dollars worth of salary and
chase himself to the barber shop,
where the Bolivian lawn trimmer
would put a crimp in his mustache
and plaster his forehead with three
cents worth of hair and a dollars
worth of axle grease.
Then the Young Gent would go out
and spread 40 cents around among the
tradesmen for a mess of lilies of the
valley and bag of peanut brittle.
The lilies of the valley were to put
on the dining table SO mother would
be pleased, and with the peanut brittle
he intended to fill in the weary mo-
ments when he and his little geisha
girl were not making goo-goo eyes at
each other.
But nowadays it is different.
What with eugenics and the high
speed of living Dan Cupid spends
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1915-07-23

all wrong-lesh have drink-my mis-
take-didn't think of it before. Your
little son growing to be a splendid
boy, Mrs. John!"
This is Stephen, my little brother,
not my little son." Peaches explained.
I'VE haven't any children" she added
nervously.
Dixie carefully closed one eye and
focused the other on her, Haven't
any little sonny mistake!" Then
he turned the open gig lamp on me
and began again. ''S'prised at you
John; little son is the most won erful
thing any father and mother could
possess with the possible 'ception of
a lii daughter amt that so, Mrs.
John? Little brother is all right, but
don't compare with little son. Look
at me, Mrs. John; can't ever have lit
tie son7when / think about it could
bust right out crying! Grief has made
me almost hysterical, historical, hys-
tollified-I mean I'm nervous iesh
have drink
What's gone wrong, Dike?" asked.
Each minute you look more and more
like Mona Lisa without the smile.
What's the trouble?"
All your fault, John" he plunged
on again. Nest bew'ful girl she was,
Mrs. Jim: perf'ly bew'ful. with wor-
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1915-07-23
When You Move Your Family.


Guard your family from contagious
disease germs in the new house. It
has been proved that thousands of tu-
berculosis and scarlet fever cases an
nually are the result of moving into
houses which have not been disin-
Elected.
Secure the Health history" of the
house you expect to buy or rent. It
will be supplied by your board of
health, your health officer or any physi-
clan who practices in your town. If
it has housed a tuberculosis patient,
dor't take that house; find another.
No matter what the health history
of the house, have the plumbing exam
med, the drains flushed and the entire
house disinfected.
If the wallis. are to be repapered,
have he old paper removed.
Do not move into any house where
the cellar has been flooded and is
moldy.
In towns where there is neither
city water nor sewerage system, make
sure that the well and the cesspool
are widely separated Woman's
Home Companion.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1915-07-23
OLD AS THE ETERNAL HILLS
r. e. Morse, the Outlaw, Lurked in
Shadows in Garden Of Eden, and
is Still With Us.

If Adam were still alive he would be
Adam met him after he was banished
from the garden of Eden. Eve also
knew him after she ate the forbid
den fruit. Pharaoh must have been
well acquainted with him, as he met
him repeatedly. He was with Joseph's
brethren long time after they sold
Joseph into Egypt. Saul, David. Solo,
mon and all the kings of old knew him
well. And in the New Testament we
find men who also know him. Judas,
who betrayed the Lord and afterward
killed himself; Peter, who denied his
Master, and so on all the way through
the Bible and up to the present time.
We all know him or have met him.
Could we by any power annihilate
r. e. Morse, how happy We should
make the world! But no one cares to
profit by the experience of others, and
therefore all must learn by the one
teacher, whose lesson is bitter in the
extreme
Experience! If our conscience were
not hardened, and we would listen TO
its dictates oftener, we might become
less familiar with R. e. Morse. Look
ing back is the time we see him. R. e.
Morse is always right there behind
us. If he would only come out into the
open, so we could see him as he is,
we might avoid his acquaintance
outlaw, Remorse Christian Herald.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1915-07-23
LAUGHING AT SERIOUS THINGS
Attitude of the World Has Long Eeen
Matter of Complaint Among
the Realists.

Many creative dramatists seek to
draw men and women with remorse-
less realism. Now, it is exactly this
remorselessness of the artist which
gets him into trouble with number
of different sections of our world. He
is unf1inching in his portrayal, and
men do not like unflinching portrait
painters.
They want the picture touched up
by some indulgent and benevolent
philanthropist. The realist refuses to
play with what he deems to be the
truth. At the time when the younger
Dumas was writing extremely inter-
esting though not altogether persua-
sive prefaces to his plays and was
particularly occupied with some of the
destructive activities of modern wom-
an he made some remarks about the
things we ought to laugh at and the
things we ought not to laugh at
sIt is our common habit in France"
he wrote, ito laugh at serious things"
It is often our habit especially in mu-
steal comedies-to laugh at serious
things
But, according to Dumas, the only
right attitude is to laugh at things
which are not serious. and which
make no pretension of being serious.
When we are face to face with a
grave social danger it is very Gu
rious sort of wisdom which Gismisses
such subjects with a laugh.
There is, of course, a touch of ped
antry in an observation like this
and there was certainly a good deal
of pedantry in Dumas didactic at
titude. Nevertheless, there is solid
truth beneath, which is very applica-
BILE to our modern audiences.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1915-07-23
Made . Difference.

Little Willie became slightly indisy
posed, and when the family doctor
was called he prescribed some medi-
cine in powder form.
Come, Willie said the fond moth
er, preparing one Of the powders as
soon as the medicine arrived from the
drug store, you must take this right
away so that you will be we'll.
No, don't want to take 1t, ?
whined Willie. backing away from the
dose. Il don't need no medicine. :
s.Why, Willie, pleaded mother, gen.
thy drawing the boy toward her. you
never heard me complain about lit
tie powder, did you? ?"
No, an neither would t. was the
startling rejoinder of Willie. .'if I
could just put it on my face like you
do. but have to swallow Il.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1915-07-23

Then Lena would giggle. Not once.
bur seven giggles, something like
those used in spasm.
Then she would reply: mo. Simp-
son; it cannot be. Fate wills it other
WISE"
Then Simpson would bite his finger
nails, pick his hat up out Of the coal
scuttle and say to Lena: False one!
You Love Conrad, the foorWalker In
the butcher shop. Curses on Conrad.
and see what you have missed, Lena.
/ have tickets for a swell chowder
party next Tuesday. All! Farewell
forever!"
Then Simpson would walk out and
hunt up one of those places that can't
get an all-night license and there, with
one arm glued around the bar rail,
he would fasten his system to a jag
which would last q week.
Despair would grab him and, like
Dixie, he'd be Simpson with the souse
thing for sure.
When ne would recover strength
enough to walk downtown without at
tracing the attention of the other side
of the street, he would call on Lena
and say: Lena, forgive me for what
l done, but love is blind-and, besides,
I mixed my drinks, Lena, was on the
downward path and / nearly went to
Helgoland."
Then Lena would say, "Oh. Simpsey,
I wanted YOU to prove your love, but
thought you'd prove 1t with beer and
not red-eye. Forgive me, darling!"
Then they would kiss and make up,
and the wedding bells would ring just
as soon as Simp's salary grew large
enough to tease pocketbook.
But these days the idea is altogether
different.
Children are hardly out of the cradle
before they are arrested for butting
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1915-07-23
marry Minute VIII Shoot You in the Topknot"

most of his time on the hot foot be-
tween the coroner's Office and the
divorce court.
Nowadays when clever young man
goes to visit his sweetheart he hikes
over the streets in benzine buggy,
and when he pulls the bellrope at the
front door he has a rapid fire revolver
in one pocket and a bottle of carbolic
acid in the other.
His intentions are honorable and
he wishes to prove them so by shoot
ing his lady love if she renigs when
he makes play for her hand.
/ think the old style was the best,
because when young people Quarreled
Iney didn't need an ambulance and a
hospital surgeon to help them make
up
IN the old days Simpson Green
would draw the stove brush cheerful
ly across his dogskin shoes and rush
with eager feet to see Lena Jones,
the girl he wished to make the wife of
his bosom.
Darling" Simpson would say, Il
am sure to the bad for love of you.
Pipe the downcast droop IN this eye of
mine and notice the way my heart is
bubbling over like a bottle of sarspar-
lila on a hot day! Be mine, Lena!
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1915-07-23
Health and Excitement.

The sick rate in Russia has de
creased since the war began. Part OF
the improvement-do the great.
er parts due to the passing OF
vodka, but something must be said for
the curious way in which the human
frame reacts to excitement and de-
velops resistance to disease under the
stimulus of strong interests or emo
tions.
The refugees from San Francisco,
for example, had not been devotees OF
vodka. but they showed a wonderful
health record during their period OF
enforced open-air life and short com
mons.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1915-07-23

@ AY! have you ever noticed that
~ when a gink with an aluminium
headpiece is handed the "This-Way-
Out" signal by his adored one, ne
either hikes for a pickle parlor and
begins to festoon his system with hops,
or he stands in front of hardware
store and gazes gloomily at the guns!
You haven't noticed it? Why, you
astonish me!
Friend wife met me by appointment
to take dinner at the Saint Astorrnore
the other evening, and with her was
her little brother, Stephen, aged nine.
Il brought Stevie with me because
I had some shopping to do, and he's
so much company" Peaches explained
as we sat down in the restaurant.
"Stevie is always pleasant COM
pany," l agreed, politely, but with
watchful eye en- my youthful brother
in-law all the while.
That kid was born with an abnor-
NAL bump of mischief, and by pains
taking endeavor he has won the
worlds championship as an organizer
of impromptu riots.
ooh, John!" said Peaches, when |
began to make faces at the menu
card. 81 didn't notice until now how
pale you look. Have you had busy
day."
Busy" I repeated. well, rather.
I've been giving limitations of a bull
fight. Everybody l met was the bull
and 1 was the fight. Nominate your
eats! What'll it be, Stevie?'
Sponge cake" said Stephen prompt
ly.
what else?" asked Peaches.
More sponge cake" the youth re-
piled, and just then the smiling and
sympathetic waiter stopped down to
pick up a fork which Stephen had
droppen.
In his anxiety not to miss anything
Stevie rubbered alphabetically, with the
result that he upset a glass of ice wa
ter down the walters neck, and three
seconds later the traytrotter had is
sued an extra and was saying things
in French that would sound scandal
GUS if translated
It cost me dollar to bring the dish
dragger back to earth, and Stevie said
/ could break his bank open when
we got home and take all the money
If I'd let him do it again.
Just then I got flash of Dixie
Lawrence bearing down in our direc-
ton under a full head of benzine.
Dixie was escorting three days jag
and whispering words Of encourage
Inent to it.
A good fellow, Dixie, but he shouldn't
permit distillery to use his thirst as
a testing station-he's too tempera-
mental.
"Harye, Mrs. John?" he gurgled as
the waiter pushed an extra chair un-
der "Howdy, John? How de do, little
man? 'Scuse me for int'rupting a per-
fly splendid family party-my mis-
take!-Tm all in-that's tim all in,
and It's your fault, John; all your
fault"
What's wrong, Dike?" / inquired.
"Ev'thing!" he martinied; "ev'thing