The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1915-11-06

IN ~
=lal@is 5'~e
s'',-
enough coupons to get his wife a
grand piano was going too far.
There is no particular connection
between wealth and education
A woman does not like to be treat
ed as member of a general class. She
must be treated an individual.
Now that the season is over and
the figures are all in. we make bold
to state that Ring w. Lardner had
more to do with the slump in the
baseball business than any other one
individual.
George T. Mattingly, city license
collector, says that for $50 he will
kill Villa That would be much
cheaper than sending the United
States army to scold the Mexican
general.
*. U. professor urges chairs to
train army officers" reads a newspa-
per notwithstanding chairs?
We suggest that play-wrights in
search of material for a burlesque
comedy gather collection of the
threats made by Uncle Sam against
the Mexicans. They form a geomet-
rical progression of ifs and each sue
ceedi1g if reflects humor on the if
before, and as they promise to be
carried to infinity, such a play should
be infinitely funny
Now that a toy has been circu-
lated that Joe Hanlon, chief of the
watch out. The chief is looking for
an opportunity to do something to dis
prove the implication.
What has become of the old fash
toned boy who used to locate a lost
ball by splitting in his left hand and
striking thereon with his right fore
finger?
Hi Red, who takes no stock in the
fresh air movement, says he ventiiates
his house these cold nights by taking
the cotton out of the key hole.
The smartest man was the one who
promulgated the theory that tobacco
We have always admired success.
and our inclination is to believe that
the acme has been reached by the VEN
triloquist who handles five controls at
one time.
Ever since we were a small boy we
have wanted to own and wear a yell
low oil skin slicker. Once this joy
would have been enhanced by being
able to drive a dray.
We don't know just what constitutes
the quality, but a lawyer can usually
build nice practice, if it is founded
on the theory that he is slick.
We do not wish to seem unduly crit
ical, but cannot Danish the thought
that the deficit in the county funds
is due to the presence in the court
house of Democrat.
Probity is not the cause of all the
probes.
A man is known by the bulldogs he
keeps.
We do not see why the city should
pay the repair bills of individuals who
are damaged in cutting scrapes or
bouts with John Barleycorn. while
sober industrious persons who meet
with accidents while peacefully going
about their business and good hus-
bands who fall down stairs while
seeking bed clothes for their wives.
must pay doctors bills from private
funds.
This much may be said in favor of
the movies. We do not recall a single
instance where one of the lady stars
had fer jewelr-- stolen.
And still Doc Lull can't find any
city money to pay his $50 per for
up those who come out sec
ond best in cutting ScrapeS.
Residents of Douglas. Ariz.. prob
ably have concluded that this nation
Is too proud to fight and too stupid to
run.
Judge Yates says one must know
Glen to appreciate the following:
An Ode to the Last Sardine.
Some sing of stars and sing of
Others of brooks and vine covered bowers
But where will you find. tho you search
A line to The Last sardine on the Plate.
We have poems on winter and poems on
spring,
On judges and maidens and every old
thing
But of things that are vital right here let
Jnsung is the Last sardine on the Plate.
It's well to consider and pause now and
To you. it's a trifle. it's BIG thing to
Glen.
So here is my tribute it comes rather late.
greet you. the Last Sardine on the Plate.
incidentally the foregoing confirms
Unmarried mans pockets will reveal
ome original verse. We fished above
tut of the judges pocket