Evening star., 1915-03-07

My picture covered the whole of the patent
medicine placard except its essential adver-
tising line at the bottom, and as | stood
there staring at myself through that plate
glass windowmy grinning countenance stared
back at me unhinchingly, and underneath
it was the legend, HIRSUTERINE DID
THIS.
In gratitude to the perpetrator of that
horri6c Joke let me say that have used the
incident as the opening anecdote in my Sa-
lubrity lecture ever since and | really be-
lieve it has had as much to do with making
me persona grata with my audiences as any
other feature of my discourse.
A TOLERABLY effective arrow that
"A struck fairly on the bul]seye of over
self-appreciation came to me out OF the dark
of well intended compliment in proml-
nent New Jersey city several years ago. l
had lectured before fairly appreciatlve
audience, seated conspicuously in the midst
of which was a young man whom | recog-
nized as the very courteous and affable room
clerk of the hotel at which | was stopping.
He and his friends formed a nucleus OF ap-
probation which more than compensated me
for the barbed glances of one or two unwlll-
ing auditors dragged thither reluctantly,
probably from more alluring indulgences in
bridge or draw poker at their clubs. Both
my heart and head expanded under the in
huence of their continuous enthusiasm, and
nv emotions of satisfaction were intensified
when on my walk back to the hotel | heard
the friendly room clerk, stalking just ahead
of me, exclaining enthusiastically:
rDidnt l tell you he'd be good? By
George! | read one of his books once, and
I've wanted to see him ever since.
1t was all very nice, and | hugged the
pleasant intimations of his remark to my
breast all through my dreams that night.
But the morning brought dlsllluslonment,
and mighty poignant shaft entered into
the soul of me. After eating my breakfast
and was there beamingly greeted by the
room clerk.
well Mr. Bangs said he with out
stretched hand, "that was fine talk you
gave us last night, and enjoyed every min
ute of it. But knew it would be good"
"Thank you" said l, my chest expanding
bit.
"I've only read one of your books he
went on; "but it gave me a lead on you. l
don't want to flatter you, but-well, 1t aoaS
the funniest book / eser read, and I've been
wondering if you would write your auto
graph in it for me-"
"Surely" said l, not only willing to please
him, but quite anxious to see which of my
books it was that had filled him with such
enthusiasm.
81 have it here" said he, taking the vol
une out of a drawer.
"Good!" said |. Lets have it."
He handed it to me, and | glanced at it.
1t suas a copy Of Jerome X. Jerome.s "7hree
Men IN a Boat, not TO Mention the Dog!
"No flattery at ALL" said |, my growing
conceit falling back to par. Pm glad you
like it,"
And then for the first and only time in my
life | committed forgery | took the book
to writing table near at hand, and in
scrbed the hyeaf with "Appreciatively
yours, Jerome K. Jerome" And as | lett
the hotel the last sight that greeted my eyes
was my kindly deputy assistant host study
ing that inscription with look of extreme
bewiderment on his screwed-up counte-
nance.
T HAVE always thought of this young
friend far more kindly than of another
New Jersey host whose airy nonchalance in
what was to me moment of some serious
ness struck me as being almost arctic in its
frigd non-acceptance of responsibility for
untoward conditions | had put up over
night in his jerry-built hostelry, and all had
gone we'll until breakfast time. | was
seated at table enjoying my frugal repast,
when without warning from anybody
found myself the sudden recipient of heavy