The gazette-times. [volume] (Heppner, Or.) 1912-1925, 1915-06-24
STORIES WITH SMILES

of Harvard men, was show
ing strangers through the yard at
Harvard. On every hand they saw
the college seal, bearing this motto:
Christie ct Ecclesiae." Not being on
speaking terms with Cicero, Caesar,
and the other Romans, this did moth
ing but to arouse their curiosity. FL
nally they asked John. Il say, " said
one of the visitors, Il see these words
everywhere. Can you tell me what
they mean?" John looked carefully
at the Latin inscription, bit his pipe
a little harded, and then replied,
gravely: "Oi don't iist know, but Oi
t'ink it means TO he'll with Yale. -
San Francisco Argouaut.
ssss
Don't you care for any postcards |
today?" asked the postal clerk, as he
handed the man the stamp he had re-
ouested. NO not today" said the
man. "Or some stamped envelopes.
We have some new ones" NO,
thank you" Would you like mon
ey order?" mo" cor perhaps you
would like to open a postal savings
account" 81 do not" Then let
me advise you to rent one of our let
ter boxes" But the man had fed.
who was that fellow, and why did
you ask him all those questions"
asked a fellow clerk. THAT" said
the other clerk, "is my barber. For
years when he has shaved me he has
bothered me with recommendations
of messages, shampoos, hair cuts and
hair tonics. | am even with him! -
Philadelphia Ledger.
According to the story they are
telling in New York the erman Kaiser
was mplimenting a soldier named
Einstein, who had distinguished him
self on the field of battle. Il am
told," so the Kaiser is quoted as say
ing, chat you are very poor man
and the only support OF your aged
parents. Because of your poverty
you shall have your choice between
taking the Iron Cross or hundred
marks" "Your majesty" inquired
the canny hero, "yat is the cross
worth in money!" "Notm uch," said
the emperor; ''it is the honor that
makes it valuable. 1t is worth per-
haps two marks" well, den," said
Private Einstein, drawing himself up
to his full height and saluting, 81 will
take the Iron Cross and ninety-eight
marks in cash! San Francisco Ar
gonaut
Struggling Author (who has just
read his latest story to his wife)-
There! That's the best thing l ever
did His Wife-Yes, dear. What
magazine shall you send 1t to first?
Life.
81 thought you liked your new
friends so much" 80 / do, but
Just had to give them up-they own
such cheap car."-Puck.
/
"De world owes you livin'," said
Uncle Eben, but it's up to you
whether you gets it out'n yoh own
kitchen or In de bread line. Wash
ington Star.
| Mrs. Gray--The window in my hall
has stained glass in it. Mrs Green
Too bad! Can't you find anything
that'l take the stains out?-Topeka
Journal.
There were plenty of other men
who wanted to marry me-" "Yes,
and not one of the ungrateful hounds
has been around to even so much as
thank me. Toledo Blade.
Il like this quaint little mountain
village of yours, waiter l suppose
can get plenty of oxygen here?"
mo, sir, we've got local option. -
Sacred Heart Review.
Crawford.-I understand that his
matrimonial difficulties have been
settled. Grabsaw-Yes wife's rela-
tives have agreed to maintain strict
neutrality
Some time ago an Office boy an
swering the telephone for the first
time in his life, and not knowing how
to use it, was told that when the bell
rang he was to answer it.
| When, therefore, he heard it ring,
he picked up the receiver and shout
ed:
"Halloa! Who's there?"
The answer came back:
I'm one hundred and five
Go on" said the boy. ITS time
you were dead. Philadelphia Rec
ord.
A San Francisco clergyman recent
ly at the close of his sermon announ-
ced that in the course of the week he
expected to 60 on mission to the
heathen. One of his Pensioners ex-
claimed, "why, my dear doctor, you
have never told us one word of this
before. 1t leaves us unprepared.
what shall we do?" Brother" said
the minister solemnly, Il shall not
leave town"
| ss 81
Fair Autoist (who has broken
down on the road)--Pardon me, sir,
but have you an extra plug. Country
Y0kel-No. ma am, but you're well
come to chaw often mine, ma am
Detroit Free Press.