The Ely miner., 1915-08-27

Mike and butted in with: Say, you be
the fat cuss that cut up with that
troupe at the Op'ry House last night,
been't you?"
mo, I'm the skeleton man with a
circus" Mike answered, and the bar
tender roared with delight.
you don't look as how you took
much exercise" snickered Jabe.
"But l do take exercise. Oh, me for
that exercise thing. good and strong!"
protested Mike
What kind of exercise do you
take?" Jabe inquired.
well" Mike answered, every
morning swing the clubs for fifteen
minutes, then the dumbbells for ten
minutes, then / run about three miles
and then / get up and eat my break
fast"
Jabe guffawed loudly over this bit
of facetiousness.
Il was at the Op'ry House last
night" Jabe informed them, land
most laughed myself sick to the
stomach at this yere fat cuss takin' off
that Dutch policeman ha, ha, hal"
Jabe looked at the Juvenile. you
was putty good, too," he admitted,
'takin' off that newspaper reporter
and rescuin' the girl from the burnin'
STRUCTURE, but you didn't do no funny
fail and bust your galluses like this fat
cuss-ha. ha, ha. hal"
Get him to unhook the laugh; he's
good steady listener" whispered the
Juvenile, and Mike started in.
Fine town this" Mike began. "All
the modern improvements, Ell? Cows
wear nickel-plated bells, streets paved
with grass, and the river has running
water"
"Ha, ha, ha. hal" Jabe roared.
Reminds me of a place we struck
out in Missouri last winter" Mike
went on. Same style of public archi-
lecture, especially the town pump. But
the hotel there was the hit with us. 1t
was called the Declaration of Inde-
pendence because the proprietor had
married an Englishwoman and wanted
to be revenged. At supper time or
dered a steak, and they brought me a
leather hinge covered with gravy, so
/ got up to add an amendment to the
Declaration of independence. The
head waiter was an ex-pugilist, so he
put the boots to me and covered my
| amendment with bruises. Then he
| made me eat the leather hinge, and for
two weeks / felt like garden gate
and I used to slam every time the
wind blew"
Jabe's laugh shook the building.
1.-The proprietor of that hotel was so
patriotic" Mike continued. that he
wouldn't number the rooms like an
ordinary hotel Every room was
named In honor of a President of the
United States. That evening there
happened to be a rush while | was
standing near the desk, and | heard
the clerk say: Front, show these gen.
tlemen up to John Quincy Adams and
tell the porter to take that trunk out
of the alcove in Thomas Jefferson.
Front, go and put down that window
in Rutherford B. Hayes, and. here
take this whisky up to Abraham Lin
! coin. Front, what's all that racket in
James Buchanan? Here, take these
cigars to U. S. Grant, and turn of
the gas in Teddy Roosevelt But
nearly tainted when he said, Front
run sofa into James A. Garfield, and
take this lady up to George Washing
ten"
Mortal Caesar! Ha, ha, ha, hal
roared Jabe. "Daggone, if that ain'1
funny, you fat cuss!"
When l quit them to take my train
Mike had worn finger marks on the
side of the black bottle and Jabe had
| signed verbal contract to go on the
stage as the Juveniles dresser.
All of which goes to prove that
Splashburg isn't SO bad provided you
don't have to wait very long for q
train out.