The Climax-Madisonian. (Richmond, Madison County, Ky.) 1914-1917, 1915-10-27

"Thelr Names Were Mile and TiIiie."
was sleeping as noisily as possible.
and when 1 started up the stepladder
he began to render Mendelssohn's
obbligato for the trombone in the key
of G.
Above the roar of the train from
away off in lower No 2 family could
hear an answering bugle call.
1 climbed up prepared for the worst
and in the twinkling OF an eye the
porter removed the stepladder and
there I was, sitting on the perilous
edge of my pantry shelf with nothing
to comfort me save the exhaust of a
professional snorer.
After about five minutes devoted to
a parade of all my sins, began to
try to extract my personality from my
coat, but when pushed my arm up
in the air to get the sleeve loose my
knuckle struck the hardwood finish
and / fell backward on the cast-iron
pillows, breathing hoarsely like a
busy jackrabbit.
/ waited about ten minutes while
my brain was bobbing back and forth
with the excitement of running fifty
miles an hour over careless part of
the country. and then 1 cautiously
tried to approach my shoe laces.
Sayi If you're a man and you
weigh in the neighborhood of 200
pounds, most of which is in the re-
gion of the equator, you will appre-
ciate what it means to lie on your
back in an upper berth and try to get
your shoes of.
And this goes double for the man
who weighs more than 200 pounds.
Every time l reached for my feet
to get my shoes off l bumped my
head of; so decided that in order
to keep my head on had better keep
my shoes on also.
Then tried to divorce my suspend
ers from my shoulders but just as /
got the suspenders half way over my
head I struck my crazy bone on the
rafters, and there 1 was, suspendered
between heaven and earth, but pray
ing with all my heart for a bottle of
arnica.
Finally I decided to sleep as ma
ture made me, with all my clothes on.
including my rubbers.
So stretched out, but just then the
train struck curve and / went up in
the air till the ceiling hit me. and
then l bounced over to the edge Of
the precipice and hung there, trem-
bling on the verge.
Below me all was dark and gloomy,
and only by the hoarse groans of the
snorers could / tell that the Pullman
company was still making money.
Luck was with me, however, for Just
then the train struck an in-shoot
curve which pushed me to the wall,
and bumped my head so completely
that l fell asleep.
When / woke up a small package
of daylight was peeping into the car,
so l decided to descend from my cup
board shelf at once
peeped out through the aluminium
curtains, but there was no sign of
the colored porter and the stepladder
was invisible to the naked eye.
The car was peaceful now, with the
exception of a gent in lower No. 4,
who had a strangle hold on a Bee
thoven sonata and was beating the
cadence out of it.
haoNC a ouOAI prayer anu COuCluQ-
ed to fall out, but just then one of my
feet rested on something solid; so l
put both feet on it and began to step
down.
Alas. however, the moment / put
my weight on it my stepping stone
gave way and 1 fell overheard with a
splash.
How dare you put your feet on nv
head?" yelled the man on the ground
moor of my bedroom
Excuse me. It felt like something
wooden" ! whispered. while / dashed
madly for the smoker.
From that day to this have never
been able to look Pullman car in the
face, and whenever anybody mentions
an upper berth to me 4 lose my pres
ence of mind and get peevish.
II you have ever been there your
self know you don't blame mel
Do you?