The Washington herald., 1915-12-26
Der German GObbLer
Old Mr.. Snider Calls at the Shop Again

Eyes. see you nod but think
you mean dot shall take a drink nit
my car you speak some English. Do
sooch things ever happen to you.
Hans?''
Never"
Mr.. snider he takes oop der water
can again und shifts into IT init a
lonesome look on his face und by und
by he goes on:
"A German named Schmidt. who
lives near me stops me on der street
one day last week, und says:
".Snider. don't you vhant to. buy a
dog?"
But Why should 1 vhant dog" /
asks.
because there vhas some burglars
watch out for burglars und save you
heap of money. I haf a good dog und
l yhill sell him cheap to you shall
sell him for ten dollars. but II you
yhas not my frendt, 1 ask you twenty
five"
DO you say he vhill watch out for
burglars ! says.
"Fhell. i talks init my wife about
buying der dog und she says IL vhas
good idea She don't like some bur-
if she sees one in our bedroom at
midnight. it vhill give her sooch a
shock dot she Will haf heart-failure
! telephones Schmidt dot 1 vhill take
/
und gets his money. 1t vhas not
hansome dog but dot makes no differ
ence if he watches for burglars. In
three nights, Hans. What do you sup
pose happens?'
Maybe he goes mad I says.
'Maype he don't. Some burglars
come und rob me of two hoondred
dollars. hear a noise in der night
und der dog don't bark but / slip
down stairs und der burglars hear me
und run avhay."
~But der dog?' ! asks.
oh. he lays in der room where der
burglars vhaS at work und he don't
make any noise. He shust watches them
Next day speak to Mr.. Schmidt
Dot vhot ] tells you. Mr.. Snider
He watches out for burglars but |
don't say he vhill bark or bite EN-
Hans. believe Mr.. Schmidt vhas some
cheat und swindler."
Il don't say nuttings to this und
my smoking tobacco und when he
don't find any. he says:
DO you see this green paint on my
coat: Hans"
''vhell, / vhas going along Clinton
street the odder day when / like to
lean on a lamp-post to rest my feet
on dot lamp-post vhas sign OF
vhas. II might be on der fence or
house. So l don't pay any attention
und get my coat all paint. Shouldn't
dot sign have read Dis Lamp-pOst Has
Shust Been Painted NhaS it a fair
thing to take advantage of me?
say il vhas not"
Il don't say if il vhas or "has not
und Mr.. Snider goes out mad a. me.
I belief he vhas gone for good. hut in
i minute he yhas back und he says.
Il vhas by der City Hall when a
taNicab comes along. I hold uop my
hand like dis. He stops und der driver
says:
Where you like to go. old mans '
|. Nowhere" ] says.
But you hold oop your hand und
l stops"
IND I'm sooch Obliged. like I"
ask you a question: 4 fellow he say
to me yesterday dot the Mayor of dis
city Shave~ his muStache Off yesteT-
day. | says he don't do it, Can You tell
me which of us is right
Hans. would you pellet dot taxi
man abused me like | vhaS some pick
pocket. He calls me a crazy old fool
und says he vhili break my head il I
ever try some chokes on him again.
Would you pellet dot sooch things
could happen in this twentieth CEN
tury?"
der Mayor shaves OF his mustache or
What; What: What. Does it make
some difference to me if you have all
come in here to borrow fifty cents und
7 don't know you when | sees you
Hans. I guess you lose your brains. |
don't like der vhay YOU talk. I don't
like der vhay you keep still when !
ask you some questions. I belief down
in my heart you vhas bad. bad mans
und | vhant nOttingS to do init you"
Nit dot speech. he goes out and STAYS
out und he tells der druggist on der
corner dot he shouldn't be surprised to
hear any day dot | vhas some hold-up
man in disguise. And yet he vhin
come again to bore me in about two
weeks time.