River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1915-06-17
SANDY BEND
JUS TICE
By NJ QUAD
Copyright, 1915, by the Mcclure
Newspaper Syndicate.
By Nj QUAD

handy-"this yere court bein' open and
the goddess of jestice bein' ready for
biZness, l will call the case Of Lee
Hung, who is charged with stealin' a
pickax from the camp Of Jim Robin
son. Thar amt any need of lawyers
or witnesses, fur saw the critter my
self as he cum to town with the tool
on his shoulder. We are not goin' to
ak why be stole it, kase that amt our
biZness. Jim Robinson saw him when
he picked it up and fired three shots
arter him and never teched a ha'r. In
one way this court feels that she orter
let that heather go his way to pay off
Jim fur bein' such poor shot. It's
jest possible that the critter mistook
that pickax fur a mewl or a bag of
-four. but that can't count in his favor
Why he didn't hide the tool is nuthin'
to this court nor the statoOts Of this
state. What we hev got to look at
ar the fact that he stole it and that
Jim Robinson had the gall to cum to
me when / was busy in my Red Dog
saloon and holler for n warrant"
II wanted to go accOrdin' to law"
explained the plaintiff as he stood up.
WAL, We went that way, jim. and
i give yet plenty of it. Lee Hung,
durn yer hide, I'm goin' to fine We $50.
That would be purity steep fur a white
man, but it's my dooty to crush the
heather whenever / gifts a show. Jim,
you not only had three shots at the
Chinyman, but missed him every time
and then bothered me fur an hour.
You'll hev to cum down with the costs.
eve now hev afore us the case Of
Joe Parker versus Hank Scott, and the
lawyers needn't crowd to the front to
do any tallIin'. Joe had a mimi claim
on Paradise hill, and as he was lynn in
his Shanty the other night mighty nigh
dead with collie in walks Hank and seq
the claim Jest suits him and he's gOin'
to jump it. He picks up the sufferin'
Joe and carries him out and dumps
him down on the rocks and then takes
hull possession and begins to sing reli-
giouS hymns. Joe is tied up with collie,
but he has two guns to use. Does he
use 'em? Does he ak Providence to
relieve him of that collie fur ten sec
onds while he kin fill Hank Scott full
of lead. Not bit of it. He jests shuts
his eyes and cries like baby as Hank
Jugs him out. An hour later his collie
is gone. But does he shoot? Does he
make an effort to recover his own?
He don't. He walks three miles on
mighty dark night to rout me out and
demand jcstice. He shall hev it. He
ar fined $50 and costs. Hank Scott,
stand up. Nobody but duffer would
take advantage of a man bent double
with miners collie, and 1 shall fine ye
$40. What was We achin' to say, Pete
Holden?"
II wanted to say, your honor" began
the lawyer-"I wanted to say that my
CLIENT
"Ye hain't got no client" interrupted
the judge.
"The next case on the docket pre-
sentS pecoolier circumstances. This
we're court, who is court when he is
out of court and all the time, was
a-ridin' out to Big Bar the other day
on his cayuse when he meets up with
a Chinyman who had found a twenty
ounce nugget. When this court had
hefted that nugget and was sure all
was solid stuff he suggested to the
heather his willingness to exchange
his cayuse fur it. don't go fur to say
that the boss was hardly wuth 1t, but
he was a legal boss, so to speak, and
that heather could hev flung on heap
of style in the saddle. Did it strike
him that way? Not any. He jest
drawed his head down between his
shoulders and suddenly lost speech.
As this yere court feels that he knows
what's good fur Chinymen, he got of
his cayuse and laid hands on that hea-
then to git the nugget away. Will 1t
be believed yere in this nineteenth cen
fury that the wall eyed son OF gun
kicked this court on the nose and kick
ed him on the shin? Such was the
case, and while this court was tempo
rarily disabled the heather got away.
It's case of contempt Of court and a
mighty bad one. 1t has taken US four
days TO find the Chinyman, and, what's
wuss, he's hid the nugget. II court
can't maintain it's dignity then it's no
court at all. The vardict is guilty, and
the Chinyman must pay q fine OF 500
and $23 costs. The constable will tie
him to the stoyepipe and keep him
thar till he sQuar's up.
"The last case shows that what they
calls civilization is knockin' the spots
or this kentry. Tom Wharton, he goes
over to Dead Mems valley and steals
a boss He gifts halfway back when
he is overtaken by crowd and hung
to a limb. After the crowd has gone
the rope breaks and Tom Gums to life
and crawls away. Two days later he
Gums to me and whines fur 5estice. He
wants the leader OF the gang arrested.
What fur? Fur not provtdin' stouter
rope! Tom was reg'larly hung. Bill
Choate, who led the gang and furnish