The Mount Holly news., 1915-02-02
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MUL LvEY The MACER
BY CLARENCE L. CULLEN.

Muivey the Macer, not being a
member of the Panhandlers' union.
works his Independent or open-shop
panhandling route anywhere in Broad
way between Madison square and
Longacre square.
In one of the intersecting streets
he was in the tranquil if loquacious
enjoyment of an evening of rest and
| relaxation at his Tenth avenue hang
out, maltorium where the hops flag
ons are high hats and hard-stuff meas
ures are short-handled dippers.
He greeted me cordially and hospi-
tably.
Il read that ting O. your'n In the
Horseback magazine-ye-eh, l gotcha,
The Cav-leer-about the macin' game"
said he, certain note of depreciation
in his tone. All gotta say about
that piece is this: It was and it
wasn't, witch is long f'r yes and no.
"Y' don't wanta lis'n to these pam
ners that blurt that this town is goin'
bad. amt sayin', un'stand, that the
macin' ting is what it useta be here.
But it's still wort vile if you know
how to duck the bulls and are hep to
characterreadin'. Them's the two
main wires: Flaggin' the rough-necks
and KNOWN how to slant up the right
marks to brace.
20 course the first ting a macer's
got to remember that expects to have
the price of all the suds he can lick
up when he knocks off woik is to keep
from gittin' the souse on when he's
operatin' his beat. This is hard, O.
course; but it's gotta be done by a
panner that wants to make a SUCCESS
o. pannin'.
"Y'see, the souse can be put off till
after sundown, and it'll be all the bet
ter after you've waited for it. Jes'
take a peek at the fun I'm havin' wit
meself right now, FIR instance" and
Mulvey the Macer staked himself to
another dipperful of the fine old mel
low bourbon, only FIVE cents,' as the
large placard on the barrel proclaimed
1t to be, and tossed the heavy shot
Into his system without the use Of
water or any other ameliorating fluid
as a chaser, with every evidence of
extreme relish.
"As I'm chatterin'," he went on,
that's the first gag f'r the macer that
act'ally expects to succeed-to hold
off on his package till his woik's been
done and all the loose duff's been
picked up and pouched.
"The idee is, y get me, there's a
lot o. folks that objec' to diggin' up
to macer that looks like he wants
to lean again lamp-post Of a. awnin'
pole while he chirps f'r the change.
don't know why they should objec',
but lot o. them do. as I'm sayin'.
Different macers has got different
idees about the kind o. people that's
the best perducers FIR mine, + allus
make 1t point to brace the big stifts.
The little terriers amt diggers gem al
ly. The sawed-off stiff nearly allus
wheels on the macer and calls him
bum and gifts the clutch on his cane
and swells out his 26-inch chest and
turns back his head and tries to make
hisself look like the picture O. the
bantam champeen. 1t don't make no
difference what kind of a ditty the
panner slips the little man in the way
O. spiel. it's allus or nearly allus
the same. He gifts the hoof.
"The big stifts f'r mine, all the
time. as I'm sayin', and the kind wit
the swell scenery. I allus pick out
swinger that pounds along as if he's
got mortgage on the pavement and
swaggers like a man-o' -wars-man at
the beginnin' o. a four-day pickle
Y can allus dope it that heavy
breezer like this has got the change
right in the little side kick, and that
he likes to hear what warm rag he
is.
MAZE says to one o. that kind,
'youse looks like youse can chuck
minnit's time to lis'n to the lchirp O.
distress of poor bloke that's hit the
coral reef and then sort O. slant his
raiment over wit envy in me wicks.
"Tf he mooches right on, sayin', on
your way, bo, before swing on youse
fr luck l fall in half step behind
him and hurl him that one about my
onct bein' able to flash the same kind
O. swellerino togs that he's maxim
such hit wit That gen'ally snags
the big stifts. They pretend that
they're not listenin', but they're lap
pin it in all right, and then all you've
gotta do is to keep up that line O.
bunk. slippin' in one or two about ben
ev'lent count'nances and prosperous,
charitable looks, and all the like O.
that, and nine times outa ten you'll
see the big stift's mitt maxim fr the
change-kick in his tunic.
"W'ile he's goin' f'r the chunk O.
change you wanta nudge In that one
about his lookin' as If he'd never had
days bum luck in his life, and then
he'll come back:
"'Don't you ever git that idea in
your bean-you don't know what hard
luck means
Il don't know wy 1t is that ev'ry
guy in the swell push, w'ether he was
born wit the gilt fork in his chops or
not. and that never was hungry of
t'irsty f'r minnit in his life, likes to
make hisself and others t'ink that he's
had about half O. all the hard wallops
that ever was dished out since the be-
ginnin' O. the world
Don't youse never t'ink ] amt
been over the jumps harder'n youse
ever dreamed of, bo,' the big easy
stiff wit the Joy togs on will say, and
wen he hands you that his piece O.
change is jes' as good as salted in y'r
nankeens.
But o. course they's different kinds
O. big stifts. If. fr instance, wen
you brace the big boob with the money
tailorin he hands youse the merry
twink outa his windows and tells
youse he needs all the booze coin he
can earn f'r his own low appetites,
then it's youse to slip him the candid
spiel.
"'Oh, well. l see youse is mex,
judge, says l to that kind, and youse
is the kind of man that can cymp'-
thize wit bum that amt lifted the
price o. hooter fr two days-not O.
course that youse was ever in that bad
a fix y'rself, says l.
"'Oh. / wasn't, heyT the mark
nearly allus rebates when / give him
that, and he gifts to musin', as he
plods along-and me not far behind
him-about the times wen he's been
marooned in a prohibition town
somewheres Were he couldn't spring
ball, and that nearly allus makes
him skate to the center wit the price.
'Ive had boobs like that, in slippin'
me the kaln saw. I.nnk q here VnuSa