Aberdeen herald. [volume] (Aberdeen, Chehalis County, W.T.) 1886-1917, 1915-09-23
The Too Good Man
f6 Kndses Il Alwsys Repealed.
By M. QUAD
Copyright. 1915. by the Mcclure
Newspaper Syndicate.

u0S no pace N tul0 WOTl0s no - .
sort OF cross between a burdock and
. sun6ower-not ornamental enough
for wear nor good enough eating for
cows.
Coming up from Red Bank the other
day..I followed an old man into the
passenger coach. I had noticed him
on the platform. and l recognized him
as belonging to the species have
named ,a !.
The train had scarcely begun to
move when my too good man. who had
a rear seat rose up and announced:
Don't nobody be skeered. now. This
haint NO collision. It's just like they
!allus move on. I've rid on 'em more'n
a dozen times. and I'll tell you when to
jump off,"
Everybody looked at him. while some
deluded him with smiles meant to be
encouraging. He slowed away his
satchel and removed an old SLOUGH hat
be had been wearing.
There was a woman sitting alone q
few seats down the aisle. She had an
umbrella. a bundle secured with
shawl strap and two or three parcels
OH the seat, and as Uncle Jerry passed
down the aisle he stopped before her
and cheerfully observed:
"Face kinder familiar to me, but i
can't remember your name. Never
been much of hand at remembering
names, anyhow. Husband few around
and helped We to git ready, suppose?
Leave the children all right? Been lots
o measles around this year. Didn't
leave the outside cellar door open. did
ye?"
Il don't know ye." she said as she
looked up.
"What: Hain't ye Hammer Jones Of
Jones Crossroads?''
mo, SIR
"Waal, l swow! I'd bet two-year-
old steer agin cider bari that 70
was"
The next one he accosted was man
fully as old as himself whose crown
was bald and who wore spectacles. He
was reading a letter. which he had TAX
en- from corn colored envelope. when
Uncle Jerry gave him playful poke
in the ribs and called out:
Lands, you look just like my BROTH
er Bill across the back and head. Coin
somewhat. l s'pose."
who did that?" testify exclaimed
the old man as he looked up.
Il kinder poked We. but 1t hain't
nuthin' to git mad at" replied Uncle
Jerry. Folks all well at home, hope.
How'd yer taters keep last winter2
Hear any demand fur turnips iately?"
Il want you to stop, say" yelled
the old man as he waved his arms
around.
Then l will. II ye are 80 techy No
all that don't want nuthin' to do
with ye. Lucky that ye hain't goin' to
run fur supervisor in my town. You
wouldn't git blamed vote. Howdy
do, naybur?"
This last remark was addressed to a
rather savage looking man with weed
on his hat who was reading maya
zine.
Il warn you to go on" said the man.
Pm wicked: I'm tuff! Ill hurt ye!"
l. by squash. but what Teller ye be:
Haul right of and PUNK me cause l
want to be friendly. chr"
He seemed to be bit discouraged
for a moment. but presently his eye
caught the figures Ut two females at
/! the far end OF The cur. and he edged
along down to see II anything was
wanted in his line. The two were
mother and daughter. and the latter
didn't look well
Ibid she fail down The cellar stairs
or pitch off the hayinow:" kindly in
| Quired Uncle Jerry as he sat dawn Oh
the rail Of the seat
Are We >Ieaki,I Of Inc dar'"r:" de-
handed the mother.
"Zactly. Doesn't look just right for
this time of the year. Ii ia only
thought Ill briln@ ai'.ng Il bunrh -
mayweed and tod So l,uw tu make lea
of II. Beats all rrcaii', how nay"'"i
takes the kinks "ut y. the :, >iri!. She
amt In Inv. II >Lr:'
Sir"
"Naybur u mine had Il 81! a!uut her
age who began to i.vei uHt and fade
away. They put horseIadiSh drafts Ia
her feet. mustard plas'ers to her neck
and dOsed her with calnlp. maywret!
and sage tea. but she continued to flake
or and fade III The wash and finally
died. When too late they diskiveretl
she had all along hin in Iuv with Bill
Halves. my hired man. who was so
gaul burned blshful that he dassu't
say word about II. Better begin 10
hunt around the grass and see If some
thin of that sort amt troublin' her."
"You old critter. 60 away from here
with yer blarney or Ill be the death Of
yer' shouted the mother. and as re
jumped back she pulled the girl out
into the aisle beside her and waved
"W-what's the rumpus now?" gasp
ed Uncle Jerry in great establishment.
III ye don't go I'll call the police!'
"Waal. by gum. II ! was to tell this
to Lucy when git home she'd say I
fell asleep apd had the nightmare.
Don't none o We seem to want to tn
sympathized with. III 70. ri git
right away. and II had hull sack
Of dried catnip and two dozen red pep
pers here I'd let the whole caboodle or
ye suffer. Waal. | just won't say AIT
other word. I'm dished II dew ''
The old tasnlu..e.. i.a. nad an cas-
time inventing things. In his Gay the
| truth was not so startling as now.
Tho wQathcr continues to l},Ove ey