davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Lambertville record., 1915-11-18
VERY MUCH IN WRONG bath"
Guests Mistake, It VIII Be Under
stood, Was Not a Thing to Be
Wildly Advertised.

Smythe's mistake, which is de-
scribed in an English contemporary,
must have been disconcerting, to say
the least.
You'll find your bath in the out
'ouse."
Thus he had been directed the night
before at the little inn where he was
stopping, and that is why he was now
In his dressing gown, pushing open the
clubhouse door. 1t was dark, but
there was the tub, and it would do.
He hoped in. In the middle of his
ablutions the red-faced landlord thrust
his head in at the door. In the dim
light he failed to see the man in the
tub.
Water quite nicely warm, thanks"
observed Smythe, "but it's a trifie
muddy"
Muddy he hanged" roared the
landlord, bursting in suddenly. Your
tubs in the next place. Git out of it,
you blitherin idiot! Not a word of
this in the 'ouse! That's my ONE
brewed ale you're a-washin' I'M"
The Lambertville record., 1915-11-18
RUSSIA ANSWERS.

When vodka was on sale the aver
age savings bank deposits in Russia
were in the neighborhood of from $751;
100000 year-a year, not month.
In the thirty-one days of January,
1915, five months after the sale of
vodka was prohibited-in one month
the former vodka drinkers put $30,000,.
600 into the savings banks in the EN-.
pire. They saved nearly twice as
much in one month as they formerly
saved in year." says Samuel G.
Blythe in the Saturday Evening Post.
The liquor interests of the United
States are telling the people that ma
tional prohibition would mean the loss
of $3.50, 100000 to the treasury of our
national government" and are asking,
who will make up this revenue?"
Russia has shown the way. That ma
tion is demonstrating the soundness
of the policy expressed in these words
of William E. Gladstone-"Give me a
sober people and l will provide the
revenue"
The Lambertville record., 1915-11-18
THE HOTEL BAR.

THE HOTEL BAR.
ut is time we ceased to insult the
American public by insisting that a
hotel cannot be run without a bar"
These are not the words of a pro-
hibition fanatic but of the proprietor
of fine hotel and were spoken at the
annual meeting of the Northwestern
Hotel Mems association. The speaker,
Mr. Leimbacker of Gardner, N. D.,
addressed the convention on Prohibit
tion an Economic Proposition" and
his vigorous handling of the subject
called forth great applause. From
the manager down to the bell hop"
he said, booze makes more trouble
than any other one thing in our busi-
ness. If the causes for eight out Of
every ten hotel failures were to be
carefully analyzed, liquor would be
found to be the rock on which the
business was shattered. 1t Is an in
disputable fact that more managers
lose their positions on account Of
booze than through any lack of real
efficiency. The same may be found
throughout the crew."
The Lambertville record., 1915-11-18
PROHIBITION EMPrIEs JAIL.

"It has surprised even the strongest
advocates Of prohibition to see the ef-
feet that law has had in preventing
crimes and misdemeanors in Greenlee
county" says the Clifton (Ariz.)
Journal.
''For many years the courts of this
country have been occupied with a
multiplicity of cases, mostly resulting
from booze, and the several justice
courts have been kept busy sentenc-
ing prisoners to jail or fining them.
For years the jails have been crowd
ed to capacity and the fines have often
run close to $1,000 in single justice
court in one month. But conditions
have changed since the first of the
year. The Jail has been empty at some
places good share of the time; cases
have been few and far between, and
most of them were slight misdemean.
ors."
The Lambertville record., 1915-11-18
ACTS WAITER TO
SEE PRIVATE PLAY
Young San Francisco Preacher
Serves Soup So Well Friends
Don't Recognize Him.

San Francisco.-"He also sees the
play who only serves as waiter"
This is new reading by Rev.
Arch Perrin, pastor of the Church of
St. Mary the Virgin, who in order to
see a play acted as waiter for men,
bers of the Family club on their an
nual outing to their farm" in the
foothills out from Redwood City.
Men he had married and whose
children he had christened didn't rec
ognize him. He wore false mus
tache and a walters jacket, and he
1ealt soup from the elbow without
spil:!ng it and passed unnoticed.
The story has only just leaked out
among his parishioners.
The young pastor was very desirous
of seeing Martin v. Merle's forest
play, THE Spirit of Youth" presented
The Lambertville record., 1915-11-18
WARN COUNTRY EDITORS!

Falsehoods and Misrepresentation
by the page, the column, or the para
graph are being sent out to the coun-
try press by the publicity department
Of the Liquor Dealers association of
Cincinnati, with the assurance that all
they desire is "a fair representation
Of their side of the prohibition ques-
tion." and that the matter sent may
be relied upon absolutely. Every white
ribboner should feel personal respon.
sibility in warning the editors in her
community of the nature and source
Of these articles, and offer in their
place to furnish some of the excel
lent material sent out by the publicity
bureau of the National w. c. T. u
The Union Signal.
The Lambertville record., 1915-11-18
HIS SILENCE A COMPLIMENT
Too Many Men Are Apt to Make the
Mistake That Is Recorded of
This Husband.

The coffee was weak, the bread un-
derdone, and the fowl tough. or at
least he said so. His wife's long pa
tience gave way.
John Henry" said she. I've tried
faithfully to cook to suit you for
twelve years long. No one in the town
has better-cooked food, yet you are
always finding fault. Why can't you
praise me once in while, I'd like to
know?"
He looked up in astonishment.
We'll, If you amt the most unrea-
sonable woman ever saw" he ejacu-
lated. why, many and many is the
time I've sat down to meal and new
er said word about 1t. Anybody
would know there wasn't any fault
to be found. or I'd "a found it, and
yet you want better compliment than
that! That's just like woman-they
can't tell compliment when they get
one!"
The Lambertville record., 1915-11-18
TO RESCUE ON sURFBoARD
officer of Steamship Carries Line to
Save Light Tenders From
Starvation.

San Francisco.-Two light tenders
at Point San Lucas, the southerly end
of Lower California, were saved from
death by starvation recently by L. G.
Hansen, first officer Of the Pacific Mail
steamer Newport.
Hansen said he would take a line
ashore. He rode breaker after break
er on a surfboard until he finally was
cast up exhausted on the shore. Han
sen was unable to move for several
minutes and the two lighthouse men
were too weak from lack of food to
haul on the line that Hansen brought
them.
After a rest Hansen was able to
heave in the line, which brought a
double line from the boat, and to this
was attached series of life buoys with
the food made fast to them in water
tight cans.
The Lambertville record., 1915-11-18
Tbouobt Umbrellas unmiIitarv.

Umbrellas and khaki seem a most
unlikely combination; yet one in
stance is recorded of British soldiers
taking their umbrellas into action, ac-
cording to the London Chronicle. On
December 10, 1913, during the battle of
the Nive, the Grenadier guards cap
tured a redoubt outside Bayonne.
While they were in possession of this
Wellington passed by and noticed that
the officers had umbrellas up to pro-
tect themselves from the heavy rain.
He sent back his aide-de-camp,
Lord Arthur Hill, to tell them that
the duke does not approve of the use
of umbrellas in action. The guards
officers may, if they pleace. carry um-
brellas even In uniform when on duty
at st. James; but in the field 1t is not
only ridiculous, but unmilitary."
The Lambertville record., 1915-11-18
landlords Way.

John Barrymore, the actor, was
talking about Germany's submarine
policy in New York.
when Germany told us we Ameri-
cans might cross the seas in safety
provided we used such ships as she
offered, nearly died laughing" he
said.
Il was irresistibly reminded of the
poet who complained to his landlord
Landlord, really must insist on
your repairing my doors and win
dows. They close so badly that it in
terrupts my work. 1t blows my hair
all about my face
"'Humph,' said the landlord. The
easiest way out of that difficulty is for
you to get your hair cut off. New
York Times.
The Lambertville record., 1915-11-18
SCORE UP ONE FOR JONES
Sarcastic Comment VIII Be Appro-
ciated by Those Who Favor Old
Time Methods of Travel.

Down in the crimson clover zone
there were two farmers named Jones
and Smith, respectively. Jones was
old-fashioned and stuck to old-fash-
ioned ways, but Smith, who was more
modern, bought fine new automo-
bile. One day he was proudly exhib-
iting to some friends when Jones
came along.
"Um,' remarked Jones, as he
thoughtfully sized up the handsome
machine, whats that thing there
on the side?"
That's a spare rim and tire" an
swered the proud Smith. 1--WE al
ways carry an extra one in case one
of the wheels goes wrong"
"Jes' as | allus said," was the dis
dainful response Of Jones. 'T've druv
hosses fer nigh on SO years, and L
never had to carry spare leg for one
O. them yet. et."-Philadelphia Press.
The Lambertville record., 1915-11-18

There had been a railway collision
near a country town in Virginia, and
a shrewd lawyer had hurried from
He noticed an old colored man with
badly injured head, and hurried up to
him where he lay moaning on the
ground.
How about damages?" began the
lawyer
But the sufferer waved him off,
"G'way, boss, gway," he said. Il
never hit de train. never done sich
a thing in all nah life, SO help me
Gawd Yo' can't git no damages outen
me-"
The Lambertville record., 1915-11-18
STRENGTH IN NUMBERS.

The National ". c. t. q. cOnVen-
tion, held in Seattle, October 9-14, re-
ported for 1915 a gain in membership
Of 35,771. The net gain over and
above all losses was 29,711. When
we remember" said Mrs. Frances P.
Parks, the corresponding secretary,
that great battles have been won by
a reinforcement of two or three hun
lred and that Thermopylae was held
by one man, we realize the significance
Of a great membership gain, and that
in a year of marked financial depres'
sion."
The Lambertville record., 1915-11-18
MISSOURI DRYING UP.

More than half the people of Mis-
souri, live in territory absolutely dry.
For years more than half the territory
in the state has been dry, but the
large city population meant that a
majority of the people lived in wet
territory. AS the result, however, of
very recent dry victories 50.2 per cent
in Missouri's entire population now
live in saloonless territory. Between
rs and 80 per cent of the states ter
ritory is dry. Seventy-nine Of the ia
counties are dry; nineteen dry with
the exception of one town of more
than $500 population. Sixteen coun-
ties and the city of ST. Louis are the
only entirely wet localities in the
state.
The Lambertville record., 1915-11-18
AncIents Used Gas Warfare.

The earliest use Of deleterious gases
in siege warfare is recorded in the
history of the Peloponnesian wars
from 431 to 404 B. C. During this
struggle between the Athenians and
Spartans and their respective allies
the cities of Platea and Delium were
besieged.
Wood saturated with pitch and sui
phur was set on fire and burned under
the walls of these cities in order to
generate choking and poisonous fumes
which would stupefy the defenders
and render the task of the attacking
forces less difficult,
The Lambertville record., 1915-11-18
LEGALLY DEAD, SHE is ALIVE
Lost Woman Turns Up in Illinois
Town and Claims Share of
Estate.

Peoria, Ill.-Mrs. Anna Bergheart,
who eight weeks ago was declared leg
ally dead by County Judge Rain at
Pekin, has now turned up very much
alive and has engaged an attorney to
regain her share of her fathers es.
tate, amounting to several thousand
dollars.
Mrs. Bergheart left her home at
Mackinaw, ILL.,. 26 miles from Peoria.
II years ago after a dispute with rel.
atives. No trace of her could be found,
though she spent the entire period in
Chicago.
The Lambertville record., 1915-11-18
TOSSED TWICE BY BULL
Man Hits Rafters and Starts Up for
the Second Time When
Rescued

Berwick, Pa.-Tossed to the rafters
of the COW stable by an angry bull,
r. O.. Shaffer. twenty-six, of Zenith,
narrowly escaped death before being
rescued by his father.
When the bull turned on him as he
was taking it to watering trough he
landed on the bulls head and after
striking the rafters was tossed SEQ
ond time. The father then seized the
rope fastened to the bulls nose and
snubbed the rope around pole, when
1t turned on him. His son had two
ribs fractured and suffered confused
wounds of the body.
The Lambertville record., 1915-11-18
AN EDITOR coNFEssEs.

Mr.. S. T. Hoag, Editor Pine Plains
IN. " Herald, confesses: "In all
the many years l have advertised DR..
David Kennedy's Favorite Remedy, l
have never before paid DR.. Kennedy
a long standing debt of gratitude.
For years l suffered terribly from
rheumatism. / finally tried Favocite
Remedy with permanent benefit. 1t
is the best medicine for effectually
expelling the cause Of rheumatism
uric acid. 1t helped my kidneys; toned
up my liver; made me feel like living"
Write Kennedy Co., Rondout, N. Y,
for a free trial.-Adv.
The Lambertville record., 1915-11-18
DOG SAVES WoMAN's LIFE
Carries Note Which Brings Help ia
Aged Woman After Girl
Has Died.

Dallas. Tex.-A report from Cisco,
Tex, tells of the feat which dog per.
formed in getting relief to an aged
victim of ptomaine poisoning on a
farm nine miles from that place.
Miss Bette Alexander, twenty-five
years old. had died. and Mrs. Eliza
Powers, seventy-two years. was dying
when she wrote note which she tied
to the dogs neck and bade him go
home" The dog made it's way to
Cisco through a rainstorm, and rela.
tives Of the victims, Fastening TO the
farm. found Mrs Powers unconscious
The Lambertville record., 1915-11-18
Handy.

i've started a ten-cent box for
Christmas, dear!" said the better half.
YOU won't forget It, will you?"
'Me forget it," replied the other
fraction. why, how can you say such
a thing? OF course l won't forget
IT,"
And he didn't. The very next day
he shook four dimes out of the box to
meet a deficiency in his car-fare al
lowance.
The Lambertville record., 1915-11-18
Long Known.

Father" said the minister's son,
my teacher says that collect and
'congregate' mean the same thing. Do
they?"
Perhaps they do, my son." said the
venerable clergyman; "but you may
tell your teacher that there is vast
difference between congregation and
a collection. christian Register.
The Lambertville record., 1915-11-18
TURN OVER TIME
When Nature Hints About the Food.

When there's no relish to food and
all that one eats doesn't seem to do
any good then is the time to make a
turnover in the diet, for that's Ma
ture's way of dropping a hint that the
food isn't the kind required.
For a number of years / followed
railroad work, much of it being office
work of trying nature. Meal times
were our busiest; and eating too much
and too quickly of food such as is
commonly served in hotels and res
taurants, together with the sedentary
habits, were not long in giving me dys-
pepsia and stomach trouble which re-
duced my weight from 205 to 100
pounds.
There was little relish in any food
and none of it seemed to do me any
good. 1t seemed the more l ate the
poorer l got and was always hungry
before another meal, no matter how
much l had eaten.
Then / commenced trial of Grape
Nuts food, and was surprised how a
small saucer of it would carry me
along, strong, and with satisfied appe-
tite, until the next meal, with no SEN
sations of hunger, weakness or dis
tress as before.
Il have been following this diet now
for several months and my improve
ment has been SO great all the others
in my family have taken up the use
of Grape-Nuts with complete satisfac-
ton and much improvement in health.
Most people eat hurriedly, have
lots of worry, thus hindering digestion
and therefore need a food that is pre-
digested and concentrated in nourish.
ment."
There's Reason"
Name given by Postum Co., Battle
Creek, Mich.
Ever read the above letterf A new
one appears from time to time. They
a-e genuine. true. and full of human
tntereLts
The Lambertville record., 1915-11-18
STILL ON THE JOB.

when national constitutional pro-
hibition has been secured won't the
Woman's Christian Temperance Union
be out of job?" queried a young
woman journalist of Miss Anna A.
Gordon, president of the National w.
C. T. U. She was assured that "our
organization, in common with all tenn
perance forces, would then enter upon
its most important task-that of en-
forcing the prohibitory law and of
maintaining through education, agita-
ton and organization the high stand
ard of sentiment necessary for the
election of law-enforcing officials"
The Lambertville record., 1915-11-18
corroborated.

TELL me moo, Jamie, what was the
most wonderful thing you saw at
scar"
Il think the strangest thing ever
saw was the flying fish,"
moo, laddie, dinna max a fule O.
yer mither. Wha ever heard O. fish
fleein'?"
Another strange thing l saw when
crossing the Red sea. We dropped an
chor, and when we raised it again
there was one Of the wheels of Pha-
raoh's chariot entangled on it."
Aye, laddie, believe that. We've
Scripture for that."-London Tit-Bits.
The Lambertville record., 1915-11-18
Ruds.

isn't this awful" exclaimed Mrs.
Gabb as she looked up from her news
paper.
isn't what awful?" demanded Mr..
Gabb.
why here's woman who com
plains that the insane asylum is filled
with bugs" replied Mrs. Gabb.
We'll" growled Mr.. Gabb. what's
the blame place for, anyway"
The Lambertville record., 1915-11-18
ANXIOUS TO HELP OTHERS.

Having been a sufferer from lung
trouble some time and now we'll, /
will gladly give anyone with bronchial
asthma, throat or lung trouble full
information free of charge, as to the
treatment / took at home. Address
Miss M. B. Roberts, 25 Foster St.,
Worcester, Mass.-Adv.
The Lambertville record., 1915-11-18
Enlisted With a Band Of Extra
Walters.

With music by Case Downing in the
new open-air theater of the Family
club. He was not member of the
club, and invitations were extended
only to out-of-town visitors.
So Father Perrin enlisted with a
band of extra walters for the dinner
preceding the presentation of the
play, and passed the evening unde-
sected.
Also, he saw the play he went to
see-and liked it.
The Lambertville record., 1915-11-18
OutcIassed.

"Were you much impressed by the
majestic roar of Niagara"
II was at first, but later on, when
my husband put up roar about our
hotel bill. Niagara sounded like a
ripping brook"
The Lambertville record., 1915-11-18
Nothino Doinu.

Can sell you copy of the latest
edition of the unabridged dictionary?
1t is a work that should be in every
home"
Does it contain any words that
are not In the older editions?"
thousands of them"
"Then l don't want it in my home.
My wife has quite enough words at
her command as it is"
The Lambertville record., 1915-11-18
Quite Rinht.

What do you understand by the
phrase "a liberal education?' asked
the professor when the freshman class
in economics had assembled.
When the governor comes through
with plenty of spending money" re-
piled the first youth called upon.
The Lambertville record., 1915-11-18

Your daughter is studying ait, /
hear Is she making any progress?'
'Oh, yes. She has been invited to
the annual frolic of the illustrators
and has a bid to the Art Students
league costume party"
The Lambertville record., 1915-11-18
REVENUE COULD BE SPARED.

The retail liquor dealers in New
York will pay into the state treasury
his year twenty-five and half mil
ion dollars. Nobody doubts that the
tate could spare this sum or a greater
ne for an equivalent of sobriety and
aoral strength.-New York Evening
;.gcrld
The Lambertville record., 1915-11-18
One Year More.

my but Percy has grown to be a
big boy. How tall are you, Percy?"
Just an inch short of being able to
wear fathers tennis trousers, but
they'll be all right next summer. -
New York World.
The Lambertville record., 1915-11-18
impossible.

Nov, as to the Balkan situation"
You'll have to excuse me. I'm In
a hurry"
why, I was going to sum up the
situation in two words"
ut can't be done"
The Lambertville record., 1915-11-18
Passinu the Buck,

Our head bookkeeper can add up
four columns of figures at once"
Doesn't he ever make mistakes?"
"Oh, sure, but he's got an assistant
to blame them on"
The Lambertville record., 1915-11-18

"I see by the papers old Tompklns
has failed for half million"
"Why, had no idea he had half so
much
"He didn't"
The Lambertville record., 1915-11-18
Zero.

eve don't hear much about Doctor
Cook since the time he claimed to
have discovered the North pole"
mo; l daresay he never fully re-
covered from the terrible frost he en-
countered."
The Lambertville record., 1915-11-18
And Lots of Them.

'T see where the Russian cavalry
rode down the Germans in the
trenches where they were digging in
themselves for the winter"
"See, that was horse on them!"
The Lambertville record., 1915-11-18
Sorry He Spoke.

He during family quarreD-I sup
pose some idiot proposed to you before
l did.
She-No, when you did.
The Lambertville record., 1915-11-18
Wise Beyond His Years.

Teacher (of geography classl -
Johnnie. how is the earth divided?
Johnnie-Nobody will know until
the European war is over.
The Lambertville record., 1915-11-18
Nj c.r,v sroir. hut Tired Eve.

make us look Older than we are. Keep your
Eyes young and you will look young After
the Movies always Murine Your Eyes
Don't tell your age.
The Lambertville record., 1915-11-18
Out Of Sorts

THAT IS something is wrong with baby but we can't tell
just what is All mothers recognize the term by the
assitude weakness loss Of appetite inclination to Sleep
heavy breathing and lack of interest shown by baby These
are the symptoms of sickness It be fever congestion
worms Group dphtheria, or scarlana Do lose minute
Give the child Castora It will start the digestive organs into
operation the pores Of the skn carry off the fod
matter and drive away the threatened sickness.
Genuine Castoria always signature Of tX L<
The Lambertville record., 1915-11-18
The Case.

'Matrimony seemed largely Incl
dental to Henry Wits career"
81 should call it more accidental
The Lambertville record., 1915-11-18

The only distinction some men at
tain is that of living to be more than
eighty years old.
The Lambertville record., 1915-11-18

A mothers idea of the only safe
place for boy to go swimming is in
= bathtub.
The Lambertville record., 1915-11-18
Evasion.

PA. what's an eye opener?"
"Why-er-an alarm clock, my son"
Boston Evening Transcript.
The Lambertville record., 1915-11-18

term in office will in most cases
kill the reform bug In man.
The Lambertville record., 1915-11-18

Many man has been hopelessly
injured by the accidental discharge of
duty.
The Lambertville record., 1915-11-18

The more man is envied the less
real happiness he has
The Lambertville record., 1915-11-18

The amateur actor always believes
that the world is full of possibilities.
The Lambertville record., 1915-11-18

n. N. u. NEW YORK. NO. 4o-lsi5.
The Lambertville record., 1915-11-18

m a szpRm EBFA Watson e. Coleman, Wash
u 81 - ~ " ington, DC. Books free. High.
. Ez Eznv ~ est references. Best results
The Lambertville record., 1915-11-18
HoxslE,s CIRQUE REMEDY

The life o. childrcn PTeven Pneumonia No Opium
No aausea 50 cents A. p. HOXSlE, Buffalo, N. Y.
The Bridgeport evening farmer., 1915-09-24

Farmer Want Ads oD~ @ g @aa1