Gilpin observer., 1915-04-08
KIRK RApIUM HOTEL OPENS
FOR THE SEASON

the chief architect of the Kirk ra-
di I'M hotel and sanatorium, F. w.
has been busily engaged in making
plans and supervising the modern
innovations that have recently been
added to this famous summer hostel
ry, and the guests who are fortunate
enough to while away the heated term
at this noted resort, will receive ac-
commentators hereto fore. unknown to
the world.
A wireless receiver has been plac-
ed upon the roof of the hotel, extend
ing 100 feet above the cornice of the
eighth floor, and dispatches are re-
ceived every half hour notifying the
guests of the success of the German
submarine U.-9. at clearing the wa
ters of the North and Irish seas
of Britain's sh:ppirg g, also for the
accommodation of business guests
who wish to daily direct their busi-
ness affairs in New York, Chicago
and Black Hawk.
The tourist in passing into tie
grounds through tie marble entrance
will perceive two granite columns,
the one on the left, the other on
the right, surmounted by two sculpt-
ured figures. The one ON the left is
denominated "Be9uty" and represents
the chief architect, because it was
from his artistic plans that this bar
rem spot on the mountainside was
beautified and adorned The one on
the right is called Wisdom, and al
ludes to Russell Gulch's mayor, who
had the wisdom to contrive the beau
ty of the lawn and it's divers foliage
Perched upon a bust of "Pallas,' just
above the bridal chamber door, is the
bronze figure of the owner and pro-
prietor with half closed eyes, peer
ing at the vast multitude eminating
from the Fig-leaf tribe, that is sport
ing ON the lawn below.
Dave Wood, tie custodian of the
Mermaid aquarium during the long
winter months, has been busy teach
ing them modern arts. He has split
their tongues and they can now roll
out the mellow English dialect of
their tutor, with as much ease and
fluency as our female state senator
in the legislative halls. The surgical
operation performed upon the mer-
maids last fall whereby their eau
dal appendage WIS removed and legs
substituted, has proven a decided sue
cess. The custodian has allowed
their pedal appendages to grow web
footed, that they may take to the
water when masculine affection is
pressed too hard upon them. The ma
tive modesty of tie proprietor has
caused orders to be issued that they
be robed in cheese-cloth attire, that
their newly acquired sense of propri-
ETY. forbids their nakedress that
brings the blush of shame to their
dimpled ckeeks.
This famous hotel and sanatorium
was opened for tie benefit of the
travelling public on the first day of
the month, and tie first patient to
be received was Baron Won Weiner-
wurst, the Russell Gulch financial
agent for Ben Ro.hschild and COM
pany 'of Frankford on the main"
whose muscles were filled with rheu-
matics, and his scalp shone with the
luster of the morning star. Although
he has taken treatment but one
short week, by plunging his rotund
anatomy beneath the radioactive bill
lows of the pool, it has enabled him
to walk three times day to his
meals and part his hair in the mid
die. The Swede barrister of the dis
trict, whose athletic form bears the
imprint of premature decay, by solv-
ing the perplexing problems of
Blackstone, is also an inmate cf the
hostelry, and he too shows the vir-
tue OF radioactive emanations.
The hotel is open to all classes and
nationalities. excelt bunco-steerers
and profess; onal masters who pro-
fit by their wiles, and the elite from
all portions of the globe have al
ready made application for rooms,
and we predict a prosperous year
for its proprietor.