South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1915-03-31
THE RAMBLIMGS OF
THE POSTMORTEMlST
FOUND AT LAST.


Dear pOst-You ben wOnderin'
/ guest why you Amt herd from
me before now, but there's lost of
reasons why you Amt. In the
first place its one long story and
/ don't really know where l am at.
l know L am somewheres in
UrOpe but outside of that l don't
know nothin'.
We amt in England I know
cause we done left there but We
are here sOmeplace. You see
these here countries amt got no
rivers nor no lakes nor nOthin'
like that to tell where they end
or where the othern begins, and /
guest that's why their fightin'.
The only thing they got over
here is forts. one line of forts
says one country ends and one
country is about to begin. Any
body kin have the land in be-
tween once they git TO warrin'.
That Amt all they got forts be-
hind and forts in front Of these
here forts that separate the cOun-
try so you kin see why l Amt put
in no name at the top of this
here letter cause j cont know If
line two forts in France or one
fort in Belgiem.
You thinn its funny cause line
here and / would to if it wasn't
that this nurse l have got wont
let me laff. Its a long story.
When ! went 70 Detroit way back
some months ago, the guy ! was
with wanted to see some Of the
country across the big lake here.
| said alright, and we went ahead.
l rekolec taking the first one, but
the next thing l knowed there
was a lot of fellows around me
wearing what looked like soldiers
suits. | asked one Teller what was
dom and he said, WHY man your
a member Of the CanadOn army.
l was but 1 didn't know it.
They amt much l kin tell you
about what happened next Some
body on the train said there is
Niagara falls, but / never saw
them, my head was still achen.
We got on board a ship and start
ed across the ocean. | saw some
of it at first. but didn't see much
of it after the first sight cause
you cant see no ocean when you
are in your bunk, but you know
its there alright.
Then they landed us in Eng
land and we waited another while
and then they said you have TO
go to France and help them al
leys fight and ! said how do you
get there and the man who was
dom the takin' said you ride ana
| said you ride on what and he
said you ride on a boat, you boob,
but l come right back and said
If | ever ride on q boat again its
goin' to be the Kind they call a
packet and its goin' to be where
a man can swim ashore II he
gets sea sick. but he said you Will
go on this here boat, or we will
shoot you for being a treatOr.
but / said we'll if you shoot me
you will have TO catch me. SO he
had me locked up and put me on
a boat and when / got we'll | found
/ was here.
They went and put me back
here behind these trenches. AT
first / thought it was fourth july
back home, but il Amt never this
cold on july fourth and / knOwed
then 1 was right in a regular war.
\ frenchie and a britisher were
in the same trench with me. The
frenChie could almost talk the
human language and we got to
talkin' about some great men.
| told them Of the great men
we have in the good u s and told
them what Tie Cobb has been
dom since he hit the big leagues.
They didn't seem to get me and
then the frenchie opened up. He
started in talkin' about them
great men OF France and said
Napoleon was a great general and
I said Nap was a great man but
he was a hellofa general.
l always thought that il was
one of them there German shells
that hit me, but the nurse and
this is some nurse said no IL was
the frenchie. Believe me post
them that wants war ought TO
have to go TO il for they can git
all they can want, but believe me,
DON'T.
EXtra-They call II Lazu-way
over here.