New Britain herald., 1915-09-24
"IDIOTIC YANKEES"

"IDIOTIC YANKEES"
 When Captain Franz von Papen, military attache of the German Elm bassy, referred to Americans, in his letter to his home government, as "Idiotic Yankees" he was probably talking, or writing, under the heat of the moment. He did not give his subject that calm, deliberate reflection which it deserved, For, had the highly esteemed Herr Captain thought the matter over he would have pom dered thusly: Is there any bigger idiot on the face of the globe than my friend, my compatriot, my ac- complice in connivance, Dr. Constan- tin T. .Dumba, the discredited +Ambas- sador of Austria-Hungary? Has all Yankeedom, in it's entire history, pro- duced any bigger, more beknighted idiot than this self same Dumba? And after that cool, reflection. that second sober thought which 1t becomes all men of Captain, von Papen's calibre to become acquainted with, the Herr Captain will have to admit that for prize idiots Dr. Dumba holds cards and spades over all competitors. And this is gracefully letting the Herr Captain himself out of the proposi- tion all together. Of course, if the Herr Captain wishes to let his dear old, simple, friend down easy, he can assume some of the burden that at taches itself to that cruel adjectice, "idiotic." But the Captain would be doing himself an injustice to even con- For, above all things, the captain is not idiotic. His is the master mind. Only those who get caught red hand ed, like the Austro- o-Hungarian Ambas- sador can be called idiotic. Or, the term might aptly be applied to Yan- kees, those foolish, carefree people who inhabit the North American hemis- phere. Those are the prime idiots of the universe. Captain von Papen says so and Captain von Papen should know. For the captain is wise man. Not so wise, however, that he may not emulate the example set by Dr. Dumba and walk the plank" If the fault of those "idiotic Yankees" . And now for the reason why Yan- kees are "idiotic." It is simply this. They are averse to foreign diplomats stepping on the shores of this coun- try and telling how it should be run. Idiotic they are because they object to this outside interference in their dom- estic problems. Reasoning on the same lines, the father of a family is also an idiot when he takes by the scruff of the neck and throws out on the sidewalk any guest of his home who tells him how to raise family, who violates all the principles of hospi- tality There are indeed a vast num- Der of idiotic people in this world if their idiocy is based on the same trouble as that attributed to the Yan- kees. Many business men who re- lishments would then be referred to as 'idiotic business men, if Captain von Papen's definition holds true. Every schoolteacher in the world is an idiot unless he or she allows the pupils to do as they wish. Every body is an idiot. Even Captain von Papen will be looked upon an an idiot in the eyes of his soldiers unless he allows them toN command the outfit he may have under command.
 With such choice company we do not at all resent being called idiotic Yankees" It is indeed an honor to be classed as idiots under such cir cum stances. And we hereby make acknowledgemen to the Herr Captain for the signal honors he has con- fered upon us, idiotic Yankees that we are. If Germany does not at once recall Captain von Papen without waiting for the demand that must otherwise inevitably come from this country, 1t will be the most surpris- ing thing in the entire present day diplomatic situation. The Captains services in this country are ended. This happened when he referred to %l,& vo,
 kees." By peremptorily ordering the