The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1915-08-08

couldn't tell the Big Dipper from the
| lights in front of a movie" house sud
denly became absorbed in astronomy. A
Southern Cross fever ran through the
ship like the measles.
! Old Gen. Assurance. who knows
! everything that isn't so and is all
iswelled up like a wet sponge with in
formation. began to point out the
Southern Cross when we were off the
| Florida coast. His first effort was a
distinct failure. Some lights on the
( horizon way to the south he assured us
were the INSTRUMENTATION constella-
ton just coming into view. They
turned out to be the lights of a United
Fruit steamer blowing up the Gulf
Stream from Hayti
Finally, when well in the Caribbean.
We did raise the Southern Cross. Notice,
please, l said raise" You never see
stars when at sea. You always raise
+ htme as though they were chickens or
children.
! I would like to remark right here that
/ the Southern Cross is a delusion. 1t
/ doesn't look any more like a cross than
! il looks like the end of a barn.
/ It's luck we did raise it when we did
I or Gen. Assurance would have been
| driven to do something desperate. He
had labeled about every constellation
visible Southern Cross and had run all
out of stars. ! wouldn't have been sur
prised if he had rung in the moon next.
AS cotton was once king in the South.
SO the banana is now king in the lands
all about the Spanish Main. Scores of
ships are loading with them all the time
and hundreds of thousands of punches
are monthly being shipped up to the
United States
1t is also the land of the alligator pear.
and it is always just out of season.
don't believe anybody ever really liked
alligator pears until they discovered that
they cost anywhere from Is cents to IS
cents each in American cities. Then they
became passionately fond of them. Pre-
vious to this discovery an alligator pear
and a ripe cucumber would run about
neck and neck in general popularity. OIL
vinegar. and salt will taste just the same
on either one and that's about all you do
taste. The cucumber has the advantage
of keeping longer.
have noticed a peculiar thing about
bananas. You never see ripe banana
in banana land. You see hundreds of
punches of green ones everywhere. not
only in the plantations, where they are
cultivated, but also growing wild all over
the place. I don't believe they ever do
ripen on the trees down here. They just
change form unedible green to unedible
rotten
A green banana tastes like a green
pumpkin and a rotten banana tastes like
something Turk would probably like.
II you want to get a banana fit to
eat you must pick it in its infancy. ship
it North and let it attain a bright yell
low skin and a rich juicy pulp in the
dubious cellar of a Crosby street wop.
1t gets its flavor in the cellar, like Rogue
fort cheese. 1t certainly has none In its
native land. This close relationship be-
tween bananas and cheese is my own
discovery. but not copyrighted
I have often wondered why they don't
have more red bananas in the market, |
as they always seemed to me much bet !
ter than the fellow ones. I never could !.
why the banana planters did |
not make an effort 90 raise more Of them. |
1 know now. It's because they can't. |
A red banana is a freak. They won't \
be raised. They Just happen. It's the
same as in a ten-acre field Of corn there /
will perhaps be one red ear. and IL you
use that red ear for seed you will get
yellow corn from It. Anyway, the ship
pers are not enthusiastic over red ba-
nsnas and sidestep them IL possible They
are more delicate than the yellow and
decay much easier.
We did not touch at any Of the ports
In the Bahamas or the West Indies: Just !