The Bottineau courant. (Bottineau, Bottineau County, N.D.) 1895-1929, 1915-11-11
Cupid and the
King Row
BY GILBERT HINk.

And so they were married.
This story begins where the average
story ends. and the writer rushes in
where the average writer fears to
tread-at the beginning Of trouble. 1t
little matters whether Allen Rawlings
met Myrtle Clayton at a house party
in the Catskills or at a church socia-
BILE in Sedalia. Missouri. This is an
all-American story and the seat of war
will not be definitely located.
Allen and Myrtle were married.
After the p~earl-dewed honeymoon
had passed into history, when the hon.
ey had been slipped and Mr.. and Mrs.
Rawlings began to chew the beeswax
Of prossaic married life, Myrtle learn
ed that to sit on Aliens knees for an
interminable period put his feet to
sleep, while he learned chat there
were times when Myrtle preferred
steak and onions to caresses.
With this mutual realization they
reached the point where no hands had
to be held and Where the l%ong-suffer.
ing divan did not have to stand up
under the weight of loves young
dream.
Thanks to the kindness of Aliens
father, who was prompted by purely
selfish motives, valuing his peace of
mind, the young couple settled down
in a smart-bungalow (all bungalows
nowadays are smart-bungalows) three
blocks from a a line and began to
look married life in the eye.
And here, dear reader-may your
tribe increases where the story
and the trouble really began.
They realized after a short disillu.
sioning period that they had no diver
sions in common except the prosaic,
unromantic desire to eat at least three
times a day and to sleep the allotted
number of hours. Be it said to their
everlasting credit-which never is
they tried hard to find a circulating
medium of act or conversation which
would purchase a key to the problem
of how to be happy though married.
Allen-Myrtle called him plain "Al"
in those days-suggested driving
walking, roller skating, jumping the
rope, Shakespearean discussion and
table rapping, in the hope Of finding
some subject upon which Myrtle did
not hold a view Numerically opposite
his w
Myrtle racked her brain, and suggest
ed bridge, pink teas, an invitation to
her mother. and other plans which
might tend to render the tie that
bound, less irksome. Both, however,
vetoed the suggestions of the other,
and the deadlock continued, with the
balance of power neither present nor
voting. They found in married life
nc common interest; no plank upon
which both parties could agree. It
was a prima facie cas- of looking be-
fore and after anG pining for what
was not.
They found that after the fateful
cross-examination at the altar-they
looked at it as the third degree-the
mu]ti-colored joy of just holding
hands waned to an extent and with a
swiftness that gave Cupid gray hairs.
They realized that to sit in the dim
light of a we'll re ulated parlor and
look into the future from the stand
point of half-baked juveniles, and to
come down to the sordid performance
of preparing breakfast or moving the
lawn are two propositions that are ex-
actly opposite. One is the prospectus
of Cupid; the other is the brief of the
prosecution when the little god is ar
ranged for using the males to defraud.
Allen and Myrtle learned all of
these things (even as you and u and
while it isn't right to talk about your
n%eighbors, it must be remarked that
they blamed each other for the trou-
BILE and not the pastor who oficiated.
You who do not know may not be-
lieve it, but we who have been there
vote aye: that there comes a tide in
the affairs of married folks which
taken by the neck will eventually per-
NIT the contracting parties to lead an
existence of comparative peace. Omit
ted, all the breakfasts Of their lives
are combinations of soggy biscuits,
poor coffee and bursts of temper. On
such a fool sea were Allen and Myrtle
afoat with the sawdust in their life
preservers absorbing badly and just
about to take the count, instead of the
current when it served-(This is
treating Shakespeare worse than Ba-
con ever did,.
Allen worried himself thin and Myr-
tie secretly scanned the Helpful
Household Hints column for an an
swer to the rebus; for the key to the
situation; for a sesame to that condi-
ton of affairs that would permit them
to sit peacefully at their own fireside
and c%ontentedly comment on the
shortcomings of their neighbors.
There was no relief. After a year
they found that they were still un-
able to agree on any subject, from
needlework to tariff for revenue only.
They were unable to reach a verdict
concerning Cupid. They could not
decide whether they were guilty of