The Athena press. [volume] (Athena, Umatilla County, Or.) 18??-1942, 1915-10-08
NEVER AGAIN FOR HIM
MR.. BURLIsoN DECLARES HIM.
SELF IN STRONG TERMS.
Good Reasons Why He Should Make
Resolution Not to Bring the Sun
day Dinner From the City
"Why, Henry!"

There was the look of man with q |
troubled soul in the face of Mr.. Henry |
Burlisorl when he reached his home
one Saturday evening. The smiling
face of his wife did not lessen the
look Of grim determination in the face
of Burlison. A wife with far less In
tuition than Mrs. Burlison had would
have discovered that something had
gone wrong, and Mrs. Burlison asked,
why, Henry. what has happened?'
Burlison stepped into the vestibule
Of his home and dropped the suit case
he carried to the floor with dull
thud. His voice had an edge like a
blade as he said:
Something has happened that will
never happen again IL live to be 80
old that Methuselah will seem like a
kid when compared with me. This is
the last time I save Is cents by TAX
ing that suit case downtown with me
on Saturday and bring home our Sun
day dinner in 1t to save express
charges-the very last time!"
"Why, Henry, what happened?"
Enough happened to make me tell
you that I'll eat my Sunday dinner
from an armchair restaurant with gilt
tering white letters on the window an
nouncing frankfurters and mashed po-
tatoes for 10 cents before I'll do any
Saturday marketing with suit case
"But you haven't told me what hap
pened."
"You would have seen what hap
pened If you had been with me just as
I reached the subway stairs. s'pose
had forgot to push down the clasps
that help to hold the suit case to-
gether, and the thing was SO crammed
| full that 1t was too much for the self
locking arrangement, and the thing
opened right at the top of the stairs"
| "Why, Henry!"
| You'd say Why, Henry!' II you had
seen six-pound Philadelphia capon
travelling down those stairs. followed
by three big yellow grapefruit and
half dozen apples!"
why, Henry!"
"A bunch of celery rolled down two
or three steps, and a man racing dowr
the stairs stepped on 1t and slipped
and he threatened to sue me for dam
ages! You will find the print of
woman's boot heel on that pound 0
butter, and / left the dozen eggs
had bought on the subway stairs, fol
: I would have needed shovel to have
scraped them up after they had rolled
, down six iron steps! One Of the
grapefruit rolled between the feet Of
: an old lady going down the stairs, and
she gave yell like a maniac and
called for the police! A grinning idiot
caught up one Of the grapefruit ant
flung 1t up toward me, and two othel
men pelted me with the apples!"
"Oh, Henry!"
"The bottle of maple sirup spread
over six of the steps, and the people
carried It home on the soles of theil
shoes; and the paper came off thu
q soup bone I had bought, and ! left 4
lying at the foot Of the subway stairs
, All is, this is the very last time yo'
: ever hear of me saving Is cents II
that way! My lacerated feelings ar
q worth at least quarter, and"
"Oh, Henry!"
h ct left half of my stuff in the sui
g way, and the other half will taste bit
/ ter to me when think of that gal
j. ing, grinning, giggling, tittering mo
e that saw me standing there with m
8 empty and open suit case in my han
l. and all that stuff travelling down tn
subway stairs!"
Il "Why, Henry!'-Judge.