The Washington herald., 1915-09-12


out these goods you've brought up and see il
you can make any sales Now, I'm going to in
troduce myself unoficially. My name is Shane
Patrick Shane. l own this tribe of Peche
Indians by right of conquest-single handed
and unafraid. drifted up here four years ago,
and won 'em by my size and complexion and
nerve. learned their language in six weeks
it's easy; you simply emit string of conson-
ants as long as your breath holds out and then
point at what you're asking for.
az conquered EN-, spectacularly,' goes on
King Shane. and then I went at 'em with
economical politics, law, sleight- ht-of-hand. and
kind of New England ethics and parsimony
Every Sunday, or as near as l can guess at it,
l preach to 'em in the council-house (I'm the
counciD on the law of supply and demand.
praise supply and knock demand 1 use the
same text every time. You wouldn't think, w.
D. says Shane, that l had poetry in me,
would you?
"'Well,' says I. I wouldn't know whether
to call it poetry or not
"Tennyson.' says Shane furnishes the
poetic gospel 1 preach. l always considered
him the boss poet. Here's the way the text
goes:
For, not to admire, if man could learn it. were
Than to walk all day like Sultan of old in
garden of spice"
"'You see, I teach 'em to cut out demand
that supply is the main thing. I teach 'em
not to desire anything beyond their simplest
needs A little mutton, . little cocoa, and lit
tie fruit brought up from the coast-thats all
they want to make 'em happy. I've got 'em well
trained. They make their own clothes and hats
out of a vegetable fibre and straw, and they're
a contented lot. It's great thing winds up
Shane, to have made a people happy by the
incultivation of such simple institutions
well, the next day, with the Kings per-
mission, has the McClintock open UP couple
OF sacks of my goods in the little plaza of the
village The Indians swarmed around by the
hundred and looked the bargain-counter over.
l shook red blankets at EN-, flashed hnger-rings
and ear-bobs. tried pearl necklaces and side
combs on the women, and line of red hosiery
on the men. Twas no use. They looked on
like hungry craven images, but l never made
sale l asked McClintock what was the trouble.
rette, made one or two confidential side remarks
to a mule, and then condescended to inform
me that the people had no money
>Just then up strolls King Patrick. big and
red and royal as usual, with the gold chain over
his chest and his cigar in front of him.
FLOWS business, w. D?' he asks.
Fine says I. It's a bargain-day rush
I've got one more line of goods to offer be-
fore l shut up shop III try 'em with safety
razors I've got two gross that bought at
fire sale
Shane laughs till some kind of mameuke
or private secretary he carries with him has to
hold him up.
go my sainted Aunt Je-ushar says he,
amt you one of the Babes in the Goods, w.
D.? Don't you know that no Indians ever
shave? They pull out their whiskers instead
"'Well, says 1. that's just what these razors
would do for enl-they wouldn't have any kick
coming if they used 'em once
Shane went away, and I could hear him
laughing block, if there had been any block.
"'Tel EN- says to McClntock, it amt
money I want-tell 'em sixteen dollars an
ounce for it in trade That's what I'm out for
the dust
MAC interprets, and you'd have thought
squadron of cops had charged the crowd to