Evening public ledger. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1914-1942, 1915-05-29
I'm MEMORANDUM"
SCHOOLBOY HUMOR
Curious, Unheard-of Facts" as
Recorded in Examination Papers
and Transcribed for the Benefit of
Those Who Love Laugh.
BY ROBERT HILDRETH


| OUT of the mouths Of well-grown babes
~ wisdom emanates. "The source of food
supply in England Is in ships" Here is a
"schoolboy howler" which turns out to be
an important fact-and one which has been
well Illuminated by recent events 1t is
timely information, too. that ito germinate
is to become a naturalzed German" From
the same source,-the class in civil govern
ment,-we receive the reminder that the
president takes the yoke of office" His bur
dens are by no means light
The subject of "howlers" doubtless has
| both its funny and its serious side This
| collection OF answers to examination ques-
! ttons. however, Is not a discussion. The Joke
| is on us. For, to quote a schoolboy, ''The
| press today is the mouth organ of the peo-
! Pile"
Which, in phraseology suggests another
boys description Of how the cavalry swept
over THE eyebrow of the hill"
The reader is earnestly requested not to
apply the SaIic Law to this compilation.
1.-THE salie Law is that you must take every
thing with a grain Of salt" These "howlers'
are not fiction, however much they may
differ from fact. Many of them are taken
from the notebook of the writer who has
had experience a high school teacher. 1t
should be added for the sake of the boys,
that some of the howlers were written by
girls.
Now let us begin with the class in civil
government
Civics
81 don't know anything about the Consti-
tuition, as 1 was born in Kansas"
THE minority Is composed of the minors"
THE Spols system: The place where
spoiled things and waste are kept. The board
of health has largely taken the place of
this"
IAN ex post facto law is one that gives
officers a right to go to foreign countries and
get criminals, dead or alive and take them
bacls to the place where the crime was COM
mitted, It is law where the crimes Of the
father descend to his children; they are pun
ished for him"
Biographical Notes
Benjamin Franklin is the founder Of cleo
tricity."
George Washington was land savory"
Lord Raleigh was the first man to see
the Invisible Armada" CInglish)
"Tennyson wrote In Memorandum"
"Tennyson also wrote a poem called
Graves Energy"
Louis XVI was gelatined during the
French Revolution"
Queen Elizabeth rode white horse from
Kenilworth through Coventry with nothing
on, and Raleigh offered her his cloak"
Elizabeth assembled the throne in 1888 and
died in 1850 She did not have a long reign"
Ben Johnson is one of the three highest
mountains of Scotland"
George Eliot left wife and children to
mourn his genii."
Thomas Beckett used to wash the feet of
leopards."
Henry died of eating Palfreys."
Caesar a king and went high up on a |
mountain"
Lincoln had a woman make him suit
of homespun from rails which he had split |
They were hickory rails, hence hickory
shirts"
THE difference between Jackson and
Roosevelt is that Jackson has been dead a
long time and Roosevelt is in Africa shoot
ing lions" (This is belated, but can be al
tered by the reader to suit present circum-
stances, 1t ought to have been published at
the time of the Syracuse trial.)
Benjamin Franklin having begun these
Biographical notes." he now shall end the
same. Franklin produced electricity by rub
binG cats backwards"
Physiology
To your knowledge of what to do in case
- SAiiSA 6CiASS SOu may luu tHe IOllOWlHB |
rule: "Where poisoning by acids is caused
The blood should be Immediately drawn from
he bruises to send back the acid"
The explanation OF the foregoing piece of
advice lies, perhaps, in the following fact:
IF a school room is without ventilation how
ire the pupils 10 study with the fowl air
pressed down upon them; It makes them
,ftentimes sick and inclined to lazness"
The relation of mind to body is indicated
n the examination paper of youngster who
vdently had been reading the war news:
The blood vessels are the veins, arteries
nd artieries."
You might think from these quotations
hat the brain really Is "a soft bunch covered
With wrinkles" Or perhaps your conclusion
would agree with this: ''rhe bones of the
read are the cerebrum, the cerebelum and
,ther small bones"
But maybe these wonderful bits of knowl-
dge the product of reflex action. Reflex
ction is when anything is turning one d.
ection and it turns in the other"
The man who eats too fast or too well
lay he interested to know that "the heart
located in the left part of the stomach
a loose membrane sack"
Conclusion
"A deacon is the lowest kind of Christian"
MAY Day commentaries the landing OF
le Mayfower."
ssUyt, D. Iii. |