davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Goldfield news and weekly tribune. [volume] (Goldfield, Nev.) 1911-1947, 1915-05-29
CONSOLIDATED BOARD
DECLARES DIVIDEND

The board of directors of
the Goldfeld Consolidated
Mines company, at it's quar-
terly meeting in San Fran
cisco Thursday declared divi-
dend No. 23, amounting to
10 cents per share, payable
on July 81 to stockholders
of record on June 80 The
disbursement will amount to
$355,914S0 and bring the
company's total distribution
to stockholders up to $2S,-
642,916.S0.
The Goldfield news and weekly tribune. [volume] (Goldfield, Nev.) 1911-1947, 1915-05-29

j. JONASEN and family depart
ed this morning for visit to the
exposition at San Francisco.
The fool-killer., 1915-02-01
Read This Next!

Say, Mister Subscriber, did
you get the January Fool Killer?
| hope you did, but a thousand
or so Of the late subscribers didn't
getit. I printed 80, 900 copies for
January, thinking that would be
a gracious plenty and to spare,
but the subs rolled in so fast that
| ran short of papers beforeI got
done mailing. / am going to print
about 10000 for February and
hope that will be enough to sup
ply all the subscribers and leave
a few for samples. Let the clubs
continue to roll in. We will try to
take care Of all that come from
now on.
The fool-killer., 1915-02-01
Deep Silence fell upon the As
sembly of Mules.

Deep Silence fell upon the As
sembly Of Mules.
Presently a Great Big Mule, II
feet high, laid down and Rolled
and then He got up and Shook
Himself, after which He stepped
upon the Platform where The
Judge had stood and made His
Speech. The Name of this Mule
was He-Lies Root and His Brays
were soft and melodious as the
Sounds Of an Aonian Harp. He
threw His ears forward and
spoke as follows:
"My Dear Friends and Fellow
Citizens: A Great Crisis con-
fronts Us. There is a Growing
Discomfort among the Jackasses
They are losing respect for Their
Posterity. They are liable at any
time to break down our Fences
and Walk on Our Grass. Some
thing must Be Done, and That
p. d. q. Some of Them have just
Found Out that They have as
good Right to Take this Pasture
from Us as we had to Take It
from Them. My Friends, This is
the Rankest kind Of Anarchy and
Confscation. It must Be stopped
at once or we'll all be Chased
off Our Reservation and will have
to Flee unto the mountains Of
Hepsidam. Now We must get
those Jackasses to fighting among
themselves, and think | can take
another Mule out Of this Gang
and Do it. That Mule has Done
some stunts before and His Name
is in your minds before it falls
from my lips: I refer to That
| Vociferous Patriot bubble u Jay
Bray-on. Long continued ap-
plause). And now, My Fellow
Citizens, [ move you sirs, that Me
and Mr.. Bray-on be appointed a
Committee to make all arrange
ments for the Calling and Man
agement Of this Great Convention
of The Jackasses; all That are In
favor Of That Say |. Voices he.
haw, he-haw, he-haw -haw, he.
: haw.)
Continued in next issue.)
The fool-killer., 1915-02-01
IT'S A LIE!

Ever since I was a little rag
ged, dirty brat trotting around
the old plantation in my shirt
tail, I have had it dinned into my
ears that George Washington
never told a lie. [ always did
doubt the truth Of that glowing
statement about George, but not
having any positive proof to the
contrary | just sawed wood and
said nothing.
But the positive proof that
George Washington DID tell 4 lie
has just now fallen into my
hands, and it won't take me more
than thirty seconds to knock
that old fairy-tale plum off the
roost. Just watch me. In the
course Of my reading to-day |
ran across the following para
graph, and it is credited to George
Washington:
"To be prepared for war is one
of the most effectual means of pre-
serving peace.''
Now if George Washington
said that, / don't want to hear
any more Of your gushy Sunday
School yarns about him having
never told a lie. For that state.
ment is now known to be a lie-a
point blank, deliberate lie-a lie
as insiduous and dangerous as
ever fell from human lips. No
doubt we have all seen that
quotation many times before, but
it never attracted any special at
tention, because it's glaring false
hood was never so apparent as
now. It has managed to pass of
for truth all these years, but il
has met it's Waterloo at last. Il
must tai ke a colossal amount o1
nerve to enable a man to stanc
up in the face Of existing condi
tlons in Europe and say that wal
preparations are any guarantee O.
peace. Didn't Europe have all the
war preparations that the devi
himself could desire? And where
is her peace? Fiddlesticks! Yol
might as well station a child will
a box of matches in barn full O.
dry fodder and call that a. pre-
cautionary measure against fire.
George, old boy, [ hate lik,
rip to tell it on you, but yo,
lied!
The fool-killer., 1915-02-01

Once upon a Time a drove of
Mules lived in a Rich Pasture.
At the Time they Discovered it a
gang of Jackasses were Quietly
browsing There. The Mules saw
that the Pasture was very Rich
and, not recognizing their An
cestors, they made a sudden Dash
and drove the Jackasses off.
Then the Mules told some Of the
Jackasses that if they would
build Fence around the Pasture
they might eat out of It while
they were at Work building the
Fence. And so they did, but
when the Fence was built the
Jackasses were not allowed to
stay in the Pasture, and the Mules
put up signs all round the In
closure bearing this Inscription:
Keep Off The Grass So the
Jackasses had to remain Outside
and eat short grass and weeds,
and if One of Them reached over
the Fence and took a bite Of
Glover some Big Mule would nab
him by the neck and drag Him
on a Platform which they called
The Court, and while He was be-
ing held by three or four Mules
a Great Big Mule called The
Judge would kick him till he felt
like a Jelly Fish, and then all the
Mules would get after Him and
Drive Him out Of the Pasture.
Although the Jackasses didn I
have Much to eat They Increased
and Multiplied until there was
Five Hundred Jackasses to One
Mule. After Time some of the
Jackasses who had been kicked
by The Judge and then kicked
out of the Pasture talked to the
other Jackasses and wanted then
to Unite and take Possession o1
the Pasture, but most Of the othe1
Jackasses said that would b.
| Confscation and a Violation O.
| the Rights of Property, and they
wouldn't do it.
! When the Mules found ou
that there was discomfort amons
the Jackasses, and some talk O
their uniting, They were yer,
Much Scared, for they Knew tha
The Fence could not protect then
it the Jackasses got hungry an,
would decide to take Possession
OF The Pasture. So the Mule
united and when they had all go
, together the One called Tn
Judge stood upon Platform an,
made a speech. He said: Broth
er Mules; There is trouble ahea,
OF us it we don t Do Somethin
{ and Do 1t quick. This question
of Property Rights aint as sacre,
as it used to be. It is true tha
) We discovered the land upo
which We Live, and Live i
Clover. We have also hired tn
Jackasses who we drove off th
5 land to build the Fence, payin
} them In some of the Glover whic
t grows on the Land. We hav
2 also Resolved that The Pastur
is ours. That all looks Good an
The fool-killer., 1915-02-01
MEN AND MULES a. a 5: sARoR moRehT hT

~ AA~/ w. Oe V1O1sU1AN
it Seems as if we have good
Title to the land. But, my Dear
Mules, suppose the Jackasses
would make up their minds to
Discover the Land just like We
did! Suppose They would make
a Grand Rush and break down
the Fence which They made for
us and take Possession of the
Land which They had before we
Discovered it! There are Five
Hundred of Them to One Of Us,
and They might exterminate Our
Race, for we have no posterity,
and we have to depend upon them
to perpetuate our Tribe. -
Then The Jud ge was about to
sit down. but The Mules, who
were now greatly excited, called
for Him to go on and tell them
what to do. So The Judge con-
tinued his speech.
"The three Greatest Things
about a Jackass, he said, "are
his Voice, his Ears and his Appe-
tite. They also have a Great I'm
agination; They can imagine
They have Things when some One
else has Them. AS a rule Jack
asses don think about Much ex-
cept Something to Eat, and they
all think about That, but They
don't care so much how They
get 1t just So there is plenty o1
1t. Then They like to hear g
Noise even if They have to make
It Themselves, and Their Ears
are so Large that you can poke
Any Old Thing down Them. Now
my Friends, continued The
Judge, ''by the use Of little
Diplomacy these Jackasses can b.
easily handled. Noise don't cos
anything and They will funisl
the most of It. Let pour plen
ty Of It in Their Ears. Then W.
ought to give Them some of ou.
Glover to get Them in a goot
humor. [ think it will be a goot
| Idea to send Committee o
Mules who understand the stu
, alton over to the Jackasses an,
propose to Them the calling Of
: great Convention of all the Jack
asses and Mules in the countr.
to Discuss the food proposition
Before the convention meets
however, [ would suggest tha
) some OF the noisest and most dis
contented Of Them be seen an
, Permitted to Craze in our Pastur
| OF Nights so that the other Jack
asses will not know of it. It wi
! give Tone to Their voices, an
They will bray for Us at tn
! Great Convention. We must b
! well prepared to Carry the Cor
+ ventlon Our own way. We mus
! make the Jackasses think The
l are running the Whole Thin2
2 but we must See to It that It
run the way We want It."
; The Judge then sat down an
j looked around for applause bu
e there was none. The Situatio
l was too Serious, and a Grea
The fool-killer., 1915-02-01
Goodbye, Biscuit!

Dear Biscuit, | love YOU;
[ know you are nice;
But | can't afford you
At your present price.
So go on to Europe,
Supplying wars needs;
The spring will soon be here,
And ! can eat weeds.
James Larkin Pearson.
The fool-killer., 1915-02-01

The men who own the machines
own the job Of those who
operate them, but some men can t
see the point even when they are
out of a job.
The fool-killer., 1915-02-01

A man who acts dishonesty to
secure an office will keep it up
after he gets it.
El Paso herald. (El Paso, Tex.) 1901-1931, 1915-11-30
The Daily None 'ette
. THE TRIALS OF WAR.

5 the official medal pinner, after
n looking anxiously for an empty
Il space. pinned the Aluminium
Cross on the narrow chest Of Aeroplane
Scout MacTfttle. three tears glistened
in NacTittIes handsome orange eyes.
"Ah. YOU are affected by the honor,
murmured the medal pinner-
It's not that" shifted MacIltue-
You see. it's like this. I've been pre-
sented with 80 Brass Badges OF
Bravery. q Tin Tokens Of Trust. lO4
more Medals Of Merit, and 10 Of these
Aluminium Crosses. 1t a been my ue-
light each night 10 pin them all on at
once and 20 TO sleep in them Last
night 1 discovered that because / am
so COMPOUNDED thin there wasn't room
on my chest Tor y Of my decorations
and now there isn't room for .
And the three tears fell and three
more Of the second line leaped into
the breach
Never mind" consoIed the official
medal pinner, himself by no means a
stout man. next time instead OF a
medal 1 Will present you with a bottle
OF my private Obesity fastener, guar
anteed TO broaden the chest four inches
q month, and then
But Aeroplane Scout MacIlIJle hau
fallen at his feet in gratitude
El Paso herald. (El Paso, Tex.) 1901-1931, 1915-11-30

Remember EyT1mld Forget FIG-
No case can be called hopeless un-
less Pyramid Pile Treatment has been
tried and has failed Letters by the
seore from people who believed their
cases hopeless are in Our files They
fairly breathe the Joy Of b writers.
Test Pyramid Pile Treatment your
self. Either get a box-priCe SOC
from your druggist or mall the cou-
pon below right away for a perfectly
free trial
El Paso herald. (El Paso, Tex.) 1901-1931, 1915-11-30
Laxative
Relieved This Baby
Child was Badly Constipated Until
Mother Tried Simple
Remedy.

In spite of every care and attention
10 diet, children are very apt 10 be
come constipated. a condition respon-
sible for many ills in after life IN
less promptly relieved.
Mrs. C. w. Wilson. Of ~Shelbyvllle,
Tenn. had trouble with ner baby boy,
Woodrow. until she heard Of Dr. Cald-
wells syrup Pepsin- n writes, Il
can safely say DIT. Caldwelrs syrup
Pepsin is the best remedy of its kind
on earth. 1t acts so gently and Yet
so surely. Little Woodrow was very
badly constitpated and we could fin
nothing that gave relief until we tried
your Syrup Pepsin, which gave i'm
mediate relief"
Dr.. CaldweITs Syrup Pepsin is a COM
pound Of simple laxative herbs, free
from opiates and narcotic drugs, mild
in action positive in effect and pleas
ant To the taste It has been prescrib-
ed BY DR.. Caldwell for more than a
quarter Of a century and can now be
had for fifty cents a bottle in any
w~e1-stOcked drug store \ trial bot
tie Of Or. Caldwells Syrup Pepsin can
be obtained free Of charge BY writing
El Paso herald. (El Paso, Tex.) 1901-1931, 1915-11-30

When YOU wash your face do You
realize that 1t is not enough TO remove
the diu-thatyour skin needs a sooth-
ing, healing influence 10 preserve the
HaiRraL beauty Of your complexion I!
Ordinary toilet soaps do not assert
this influence. Many Of them contain
free alkali, whichtends TO dry the skin
and destroyit is delicatetexture Even
the best Of such soaps can only clean,
they e2zN0thCal and protect the skin.
Resinol Soap, besides being IN abso-
lutely pure toilet soap, contains the
El Paso herald. (El Paso, Tex.) 1901-1931, 1915-11-30
ResinoIS0aD
makes good compilations

same soothing. healing, antisepdcba
sans as RcsiN9L Ointment the value
Of which in the treatment Of skin
affections is known throughout the
medical profession.
That is why Resinol Soap does for
the skin what cosmetics are supposed
TO dot insures not only q clean skin,
but a healthy skin, and a fair, clear
complexion.
Resinol Soap IS -cld b. ai dealers In toilet
goods. For sample free, vrte 20 Dept E-P
Resinol, Baltimore, Nd
El Paso herald. (El Paso, Tex.) 1901-1931, 1915-11-30

AKISS Estelle Morrison, 914 North
III Florence street won first prize
in The Herald's m~is-spelled word
contest last week. turning in the most
corrected words in the neatest man
ner, for the page printed Nov Poll A
El Paso herald. (El Paso, Tex.) 1901-1931, 1915-11-30

occupation OF the land, and its side re-
ferences 10 the crusades.
Yam Dyke. Henry. The story OF the
Other wise Mantle poetic but rev
erent and. tender imagination Of DR..
Van Dyke plays with the story Of h
Wise Men from the East who came TO
visit the Infant Savious. n out OF one
little detail. the reason why one OF
the wise men did not come. constructs
a romance which teaches a sweet and
moving lesson
El Paso herald. (El Paso, Tex.) 1901-1931, 1915-11-30
LETT SHARP NSPECTS
4 AT :

Roswell, \. =. Nov. 3O.-Lieut-
ShaTpe. L. ;. A. mas completed the
inspection of Battery A. New Mexico
National Guard. and starting a school
for commissioned and non commls-
stoned officers.
El Paso herald. (El Paso, Tex.) 1901-1931, 1915-11-30
For Piles
Pyramid Pie Treatment Is Used At
Home and Has Saved g Vast
Humber from the Horror
of 0Darstion.
of Operation

Don't permit a dangerous operation
for piles until you nave seen what
Pyramid Pile Treatment can do for
you in the privacy Of your WI home.
The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1915-01-04
PIERCE HOLDS TO SKIES.
Company Has Decided to Continue
"scrics q" without Change.

statement is made by the Pierce Arrow
Motor Car Company that IL will continue
Its present models without any change
in price. equipment or construction. In
other words, throughout at least the cal
endar year OF 1915, the present model
Series Three, will be continued
The following is part of the companys
statement: FOR the first time in the his
tory OF the Pierce Arrow Motor Car
Company we feel justified in all fairness
TO our patrons in continuing a series of
models without annual change Series
Three Pierce Arrow motor cars meet so
adequately the demands of the most dis
eliminating people that We have decided
To duplicate the series without change in
design. equipment or in prices throughout
at least the calendar year of 1915.
The most careful study of engineering
trends and style indications reveals Moth
ing either in this country or abroad which
~ likely TO equal or surpass the present
Pierce Arrow models. The excellence OF
performance. durability. comfort and
beauty Of Series Three enable us 90 make
this announcement for 1915 with perhaps
pddUlable pride and satisfaction"
The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1915-01-04
INNOVATION OFFERED
IN AUTO LITERATURE
Annual Hupmobile Catalogue.
Called "Year Book" Is a
Magazine.
L PLAINS FIRMS IDEAS

An innovation in automobile literature
appears at tho Hupmobne exhibit. 1t is
the annual catalogue called the "Hup-
mobile Year Book" Separate chapters
are devoted 10 each departments busi-
ness and the department managers eX-
plain 20 the buying public their relation
in the Hupmobile organization"
The opening chapter--the Presidents
Message explains the basic principles
Of the Hupmobile organization and tells
of the aims and policies of the company
and how the founders Of the organization
started out with the idea in mind ito
make quality cars at rock bottom prices"
Joseph r. Drake v!ce-presldent OF the
company. describes In detail the COM
panyH product "IIupmob.le Satis.ac-
ton" is the topic get forth in chapter
three. Chapter four deals with Hupmo-
bile serv!ce--its breadth and scopc-lnd
how the factory and dealers look after
liup owners.
"Hupmoblle Manufacturing chapter
| five-by s. + Humphrey. manufacturing
manager, In the subject under which the
methods OF Hupmobile building are de-
| scrtbed. How Bodily and Riding Ease
| Are 1ncorporated"-Chapt Skis the
| caption under which Hupmobile comforts
are listed. Tho chief engineer fills chap
ter seven with description OF tho mech
anism. This completes the book.
The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1915-01-04
EXCHANGE CAR PLAN.
Locomobiie Has own system of
Handling Problem.

TO handle It's used or exchange car
business tho Locomobne Company Of
America has perfected separate organi-
cation and reports that the relations be-
tween itself and Its clients are proceed
ing In an cmlnently mutually satisfactory
manner The facilities offered by the
branch house in New York city make the
organization on West Sixty-flrst street
the logical clearing house for almost tho
entire business done in exchange cars by
the Locomobile sales organization.
This being a branch house organiza-
tion. with branches IN sixteen OF the prin-
c.pal cities Of the United States, affords
| the New York used car organization the
opportunity 10 have available at all times
an exceptionally fine stock Of used or
exchanged cars 20 choose from. This
stock covers probably the widest range Of
makes and values 90 be found under one
/ roof The LoComobile exchange car or
gtnization in New York is under the
management OF J. A. Mellish. who re-
ports an excellent season In exchange
| cars.
The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1915-01-04
CITY TO SELL STEAM YACHT.
Antietsm, 1o2 Footer, at Auction
Next Wednesday Morning.

The city will sell at public auction next
Wednesday the steam yacht Antletam.
Bidding will begin at 10 80 A. NJ. at
Pier a. Battery place. North River The
successful bidder will be required 20 pay
% per cent. OF the amount OF che bid
at the time and place OF sale The re-
mainder OF the purchase price must be
paid at or before noon on January I2 at
the Dock Commissioner once.
The sale will include the boiler room
equipment, davits, anchors, gangplank.
life preservers, fire eXtinguishers. pilot
house carpets, cabin carpets. pilot house.
portfolio and skylight curtains. mattresses,
bed springs. pillows and bed coverings.
electric fixtures mirrors. all lamps at
tached to the partitions and the lifeboats
The yacht and appurtenances will be sold
as one lot.
The terms Of sale stipulate that Will.
the description OF tho items Is believed
to be correct the Dock Commissioner will
not make any allowance from the pur-
chase money for inaccuracies. Bidders
must Judge for themselves AS 10 the cor
rectness OF the descriptions before making
their bids.
Another stipulation requires tho pur.
chaser to remove the yacht one week
from date of sale. If the purchaser does
not do this ne will forfeit the purchas,
money and all claim to the owne rsOn +
OF the yacht. The city holds tho right
to resell and the proceeds from tho cal,
will be the property of the city.
The Antietsms length is 1o2 feet owe
all, length OF water line Sc feet inches
length OF deck 90 feet 10 inches. Sh,
was built at Port Jefferson, L. l.. in 1899
Her style IS f,ush deck yacht, long over
| hang stern and pilot house Her tonnag,
is 81
The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1915-01-04
AUTO SHOW OPENING
MAKES NEW RECORD
Paid Attendance Bigger Than
Previous First Nights"
of Exhibition.
MANY NOTABLES PRESENT

nrerirg NIGHT at the automobile show
,d A record breaking paid attendance
as, saturday. according to the statement
~ tho sfoW committee. Exhibitors re-
~, -,,d tlat the attendance was composed
.,g.', of people who are really inter-
,g..d 60, purchasing cars. and more than
,.. -aill number OF first night sales
c.-s made The show opens to-day at
,oA NJ. and will continue daily through
a., ,l. week, closing each night at 10 80
O'clock
closed typc cars, limousines. landau
,,.,es ,ouuts and Bcrliues, which reveal
u.ry new features this season, are at
,rIc,trg the Keen attention OF the women
-. sto.s. who were present in great num-
..r OF saturday.
Among the Interested visitors at the
...sr.. e were Mr. and Mrs. \. Holland
tn-h,,. Percy Rockefeller. Mr.. and Mrs.
D. sanford Brooks, Mr. and Mrs. Henry
B.Irh and the Misses Dorothy and
b.i.,rIr. Black Theodore Roosevelt. Jr..
John r. Townsend. Mr.. and Mrs. Geur-e
w FORSYTH. MIR. and Mrs. g. VI Heck
,sher. Nj. and Mrs. Ormond G. Smith,
Mr. and Mrs J. Frederic Tams. Miss
Mare RuieN aid, Mr.. and Mrs. william
u Woodiu and the Misses Anne and
MARY Woodin; MIR. and Mrs. William
Randolph Hearst and Mrs. George Norton
Miller Miss Helen Miller. Malcolm H.
smith Mr. and Mrs. Herbert :. Car
renter. Mr. and Mrs. Preston = Satter-
White. William Gillette and grandson. and
Mr. and Mrs Russell Colt.
The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1915-01-04
TESTS OF OAKLAND ECONOMY.
New car Has Been Thoroughly Tried
out In This way.

one economy test after another has
been made by various manufacturers.
Few have made as many as the new
Oakland in this department. This car
a few weeks ago accomplished the un-
equalled feat OF 2s.7 miles to the gallon
under official supervision This mileage
was made over country road and through
city traffic in the evening of cold day.
Sidney Il. Bowman, New York DIS
tributer for the Oakland has received n
number Of every day records, made by
owner drivers of Oaklands In various
parts OF The country, under adverse cir
aumStanCCs. Hero are few of them.
Twcuty-seven and four-teuths miles
made at Cleveland November 3, 1914
driver and three passengers, making four
IN all. Car passed through heavy trdiiic
part of the tine run was made Wind
velocity on day Of trip thirty-nine miles
an hour
twenty one and three-tcnths miles in
snoWStorin made at Toledo. Ohio. in
forty miles an hour. December Q, 1914.
Four passengers. The weather was 50
severe that occupants sat on the floor Of the
tonncau and covered themselves over
completely with rvheS
Twenty five miles made AT Youngstown,
Ohio, November l., l'l4, tOur passengers.
Twenty-four ana siN-tcuths miles made
AT Youngstown. Ohio, NoNcWb,r u, 1910;
four passengers.
Twenty-Five and four-teuths miles. IN
zero weather. made 1T Piushurg. Pa,
December IS, f914. -Four passengers car
rlod Most remarkable test ever made
In Pittsburg. Snow on roads Both
serpentine roads included in run. All
rt!s taken on high. except stcepest Of the
scrpentine roads. which was dhlclly COW
cred with snow. making the pulling oH
cecdingiy hard -Four miles and three
stops IN heavy traffic. Stock demon.
! etratlng car used that had previously
covered 1895 miles.
Wherever a test was made regular
car belonging TO the local representative
! was used. After each test a hill climbing
: demonstration was made with car carry.
/ ing its rull passenger load and without
any adjustment whatever.