The Wheeling intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1903-1961, 1915-01-02
By Owen


"Aha!" said Nzcnooder looking very sub
ue. that's where the real idea comes IN. For
me entertainment OF your guests you givs an
invitation smoking meet"
Skinner was complacentiy slated nj IN. nav
prospect.
Fun OF confident expectations. he wrote .
letter TO Bucks. the marooned valet outlin-
ing programme OF Lucullisn prod gs.ity. After
Doc Nacnooder had dropped In for few words
OF suggestion two large boxes stuffed with the
Hotel Royals transported best duly arrived and
we're placed in safe keeping.
FINALLY, the great social night arriving Skin
ner received the first real thrill OF his mlsdL
rected little eNistence-ths thrill. Of forbidden
fruit AT ten o'clock the shiverins Beeisteak.
completely dressed. beheld a thin rowing bar
OF light trickling under the crack OF his door.
The next moment. Doc Macnooder preceded BIZ
a bulis-eys lantern stole noise.essly into the
darkness.
HUSH" said Maenooder hoarssly. mot a
BREATH"
Guided by Macnooder. the now thoroughly
alarmed Beefsteak slipped along the horribl,
proclaiming halls and through Hungry Smeeds
window out into the steaming night
"Geei" said Montague. using that vulgar e,
clamation for the first time. "'Gee. that W..
great"
Grab my hand. Come on. now. Run tor
your life.'
Guided by Macnooder. mbang and swayinr,
Skinner felt the soft turf rush under him.
Marrow squeak"
Great" said the paIpitating Beefsteak.
They passed through negro settlements dim
ly emerging In the sufused light OF the ap-
prosching moon. rattling their sticks along
picket fences to the Indignation OF furious
dogs that came bounding after them, while
from ahead came faint echoes Of other parties
similarly engaged Gradually their group was
augmented until as they reached the banks OF
the canal they mustered dozen In free march.
ing order. Another dozen under the leadership
OF the Tennessee Shad were splashing In the
nonetoo-fragrant waters or drying their ghost.
~ nmbs ashore Answering shouts went up.
Here We are"
Where's the grub?,
At this moment there was n disturbance near
the provender. and Flnnegan came rushing UP
Il say. Doci Here Is the Coffee Colored
Angel who's sneaked up on us and wants a
share OF the swag"
Throw him OUT"
He says he is on to the game and will give
the whole shooting match away. What's to
be done?"
Welcome him with open arms" said Mac.
nooder who had the instincts of the poll.
row."
Start her up!" cried a score Of voices.
Give us the truffles!"
Irot out your yenison!"
Gentlemen" said Macnooder, looking about
him doubtfuily you forget. Where are your
mannersI Remember this is a debutants
anair Gentlemen. have the honor TO socially
ntrodles To you Mr.. Montague Skinner, the
Fifth Avenue Naroissus. one of the leaders of
the Creme de ia Creme Of metropolitan fash.
ION.
You ought 10 know Doc" said a yoice
I do know" said Macnooder. with an evil
look into the crowd. "snd know likewise the
skuling author OF that aspersion. resume
Air. Montague Skinner in making this debut
into the Creme de la Creme OF Lawrenceyille
society comes before you not simply as the
spoiled society favorite of the lobster palaces
but an athlete!"
"A what?' cried a dozen mystihed voices
Il said athlete" said Macnooder "Mr. Mon
tague skinner is the holder OF all metropolitan
Junior smoking records. from the one-minute
cigarette dash to the one-hour record on cigars.
As preliminary to the opening OF the eve
nings banquet Mr.. skinner will meet In friend
~ competition the leather-lunged champions Of
the school. In order to add a little sportiness
TO the evening, as well as TO soften the edge
of his munlhcsnce. Mr. skinner will supply
each guest with three cigars. You start on a
crouching start, and the first to finish the
first at the grub. Two prizes will be offered
one open TO al present for the first to finish
these same diamOnd-baeked sold-plat1d cigars;
the second for the contest OF champions
What's that7" EG
1T will be finish hght--no quarter asked
or givenl Each contestant has nominated his
particular brand OF leather. There are FIVE
Would-Bes. There will be i've distinctly dif.
feTent poisonous rounds
voice
They won't" said Macnooder. But n they
40, new series will begin at once until q
decisive knockout shall be scored
"a regular ten-secOnd knock-outr"
Each contestant as he drops by the vyayslds
wiz be allowed one hour and twenty minutes
20 recover and then a doctor will be SIM,
moned"
Il resign" cried a dozen voices
MacnooGer. whose soul was above mosauto
bites. continued:
The Hon. Rinky Dink Slower Tough Nc
Carthy. the champion gum-chewer Of the Wood.
hulli Mr.. Dennis de Brian de Boru FinneRan
our little silent hoy. and the Tennessee Shad
the Apollo Belvedere OF the Blue Ridges, have
unseihshly agreed 10 serve rs Judges. sponsors
and ambulance corps"
Cheese ~" said the voice OF the rebe;
Mr.. Slower and SIR. Mccarthy" said Mae
nooder suayely, AS far as can be discovered.
are bound by a secret oath never again 70
touch tobacco. Mr FlnneEan IL deslstlnE In
the hope Of ultimately reaching Eve feet and
the Tennessee Shsd Tsfralus from fear OF
scorching his bones"
Gee Doc but you are a peach'" said the
voice Of orc who gss stl crampcd by the
facts
vii now INTRODUCES to you Mr. Monfague
skinner. ihe pet Of the lobster palaces and the
Prince Of Wales Of New Jersey fashions"
Quite deceived b. the yiclferousness OF the
false applause that greeted him. Skinner FELT
again the pleasant tickling sensations that 70.
called the prOdlgal days Of the metropolis. lie
EHadrew with all the old Eorgeousness 10 ioln
the group Of champions
y viii now present the champions Of cham
Mons" said MacnOoder In cadence. Mr. Mon.
tague skinner. the Conqueror Of the Rockefeller.
tie. The cigar that the Gar % Russia calls for
Eih his morning coffee. you have Just had