South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1915-03-16
Yarns From
Washington
BY Fred @. Kelly.

WASHINGTON. March 16.-In the
last presidential campaign, when Sam
Blythe was travelling over the country
sizing up the situation, he met up with
friend who confded that mad just
bet $500 on Taft.
I'm sorry TO hear that" said
Blythe. because you can't afford to
lose the money And Taft hasn't any
more chance than a rabbit"
You're sure of that" asked the
friend, nervously.
Absolutely certain. Now the thing
for you to do is to hedge. Bet $500
more against Taft, and come out
even"
a week later Blythe met his friend
again.
well. l took your advice and
hedged." gurgled the friend.
Good. Bet two hundred Taft isn't
elected, eh?"
Yes, l bet 5000 on Roosevelt"
AS he was waiting for a train in
a southern town a while ago, Sec'y
Bryan was accosted by neatly dress
ed colored man who asked him if he
could spare just a minute.
What was il you wanted" asked
Bryan.
"Au / wants." explained the colored
hands with me and then say Good
bye, Henry'-it won't take you but
minute sab, and l just now made a
bet with a fren' O. mine standin' over
yonnuh that / knowed you. If he
sees us tallin' all friendly l wins my
bet"
81 don't like To encourage you to
make bets" smiled Bryan, but L
guess you do know me now. Good
bye, Henry-and good luck to YOU"
Sen. John f. Shafroth Of Colorado,
on a trip across the country a while
ago. fell into conversation with
stranger who had just perpetrated
grim joke. The man first attracted
Shafroth's attention by smiling pecu-
liarly to himself Then he jerked his
thumb in the direction of a suitcase
and remarked:
I'll bet you can't guess what I've
got in there"
And he wa right shafroth
couldn't guess it.
1--WE got my "ncle in there" vol
unteered the stranger He died
away from home the other day and
1 had to go after the body l de
cided to save express charges by
having the body cremated. All there
is left of uncle is right in that suit
case But the joke of il is he would
be fighting mad If he knew what L
had done. because he was always viO-
lently prejudiced against cremation
Rep. AshbroOk of Ohio was never
at any time a minister of the gospel
Y ct TO look at him you would declare
that he is a preacher. He has a pair
of little sideburns, wears a long coat,
and his face suggests the clergy. More
over. every year when the motion is
rot ~
10 have the chaplain's prayers printed
and bound as a public document Ash
brook is almost invariably the person
who arises 10 make the motion. There,
however, the ministerial business ends
AshbroOk enjoys an occasional game
of poker. and if the situation demands
il, can swear as tidily as anybody else.
Congressman Joseph Taggart of
Kansas has for years been opposed
10 the building OF battleships He
was asked the other day if the present
European war had not convinced him
of the need of battleships.
To the contrary, said Taggart
lit has shown me the danger of own
ing such contrivances. The trouble
with a battleship is that il is too
dangerous TO the crew"
And" asks Taggart. Just who is
il that we're afraid of? Who is il
that's going TO come over here and
harass US? Most of Europe is shoot
ing itself 10 pieces and will be Grip
pied for the next 90 years. II you've
got an enemy who's lying in the hos
pital with all his RIBS cracked and his
skull mashed in, do you grow alarmed
and wait around the corner for him
with a shotgun"
IL is the ambition Of Postmaster
Gen. Burleson To live long enough
20 be on hand at some future date
when baseball is declared a public
nuisance.