davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Ely miner., 1915-06-11
SEEING LIFE W1h
+ fYaN, JOHN HENRY
EShW GeolqeXHob
E1N\1Xk5Nf1 John t1eny On Vanity
John Heny On Vanity

A day or two later Mrs. Fitzenstaatz,
who tips the beam at 243, Topped In like
an amiable seal and told Peaches that
her system of physical torture was all
wrong. Once more hotfooted 1t for
the shopping district and returned
with one of those rubber contrivances
which you carefully fasten to the wall,
and then take hold of the handles and
try to pull it of again.
Bright and early the next glad morn
ing Peaches grabbed the handles and
was getting away from her fat little
self at the rate of an ounce an hour
when one of the rubber strings sud
denly quit the job and then something
kicked Peaches just where a good
singer gets her coloratura.
When Peaches fell wounded on the
field of battle she decided hurriedly
that something must fall with her 50
she selected our new talking machine,
and there was such a crash that our
new cook thought the end of the world
had arrived and she ran screaming in
the direction of Paterson, N. j.
had to pour pitcher of ice water
over Peaches facial expression before
she came to, and then she found that
all she had lost by the new process
was her breath and $24 worth Of rec
ords.
She was sitting on a Caruso, with
her left foot embedded In Tetrazzini
The Ely miner., 1915-06-11

while fragments of Victor Herbert
medley nestled coyiy in her hair.
Mrs. Gadfrey dropped in next day
about lunch time and told Peaches
that the only real way to reduce the
flesh is to take long walk; SO Peaches
picked out long walk and took it.
After she was gone about six hours,
and it was getting dark she called me
up on the long distance and broke the
news to me that she had walked some
fifteen miles, and that she had been
terribly extravagant and had used up
all the walk that was in her, and would
| please be so kind as to send a taxi
and not leave her to perish in a
strange land among the savage tribes
In the Bronx.
When Peaches reached home that
night she found that all the flesh she
had lost was her pocketbook contain
ing ten dollars, and was set back ten
dollars for cab hire. making total re-
duction of four pounds-English
money.
A few days later while l was down
town Mrs. Carruthers dropped in. also
at lunch time, and carefully explained
to friend wife that the only way to
beat back an attack of avoirdupois is
to take electric baths.
The Ely miner., 1915-06-11
SOIL SURVEY WORK DELAYED
Federal Enterprise Suspended Because
Of States Failure to Cooperate
by Making Appropriation.

Minneapolis.-The federal soil sur.
vey work in Minnesota, which was
soon to have reached Hennepin coun-
ty, has been suspended because of the
states failure to cooperate by making
an appropriation for the purpose. No
tice to this effect was received from
the bureau of soils of the department
Of agriculture at Washington, by DR..
F. j. Away, chief Of the soils division
Of the University of Minnesota. The
federal government formerly made
surveys in various states, entirely at
it's own expense, but this plan was dis
continued and assistance rendered
only in those states which meet the
appropriation of the government with
an equal amount.
Several southern Minnesota counties
have been surveyed and it was intend.
ed to start on Koochiching county
SOON, as beginning on the belt Of
northern counties with large acre
age of state land. Hennepin county
also was to be undertaken soon.
"A soil survey in state,' said Dr.
Away, sis necessary for the best de-
velopment OF agriculture. 1t is funda-
mental and furnishes the basis on
which agricultural experimenters may
work to the best advantage"
The Ely miner., 1915-06-11
STATE NEWS IN BRIEF
c0UNSELS CLASS ON SUCCESS
Governor Hammond at Winona Normal
Defines Functions-Rise in World
Should Be PIeasurabie.

Winona.-Winfield Scott Hammond,
governor of Minnesota, told the mem
bers OF the 1915 graduating class of
the Winona normal school that to gain
undeserving success is an empty
achievement. He defined success func-
tion as doing the greatest amount of
good in the world with the oppor-
tunities and the ability available"
Industry, self-control, patience and
courage should form the foundation
for the career of successful person,
Mr.. Hammond said But in his opinion
there would still be only the shell ii
honesty-"on the square honesty" as
he termed it-unselfishnes kindness
and gentleness were lacking.
THE evil-disposed have all of the
main points l enumerated - industry,
self-control, patience and courage-and
thus to be successful a person must
have more" the governor continued.
Satan. himself, / take it, has them
all. He is courageous, he is patient,
with plenty of self-control, and is in
dustrious.
When success is real one ought to
get pleasure out Of it. His conscience
must permit him to take satisfaction
in what he has accomplished, and he
should have the confidence that he de-
serves this pleasure"
The Ely miner., 1915-06-11
whats the Idea7" ! easped.

An hour later Peaches gathered up
the family plate and exchanged it for
an electric blanket, which she had sent
home Immediately.
1t was cold that night so I wasn't
at all surprised to see what supposed
was Mackinaw coat spread over the
bed.
figured on reaching Dreamland by
the fast express but, heavensi how
warm it began to get
THE ianitor is sure annoying the
radiators with a lot of steam tonight, "
said. feverishly, but all I got was a
sharp "Shush!" from the other haif q
the sketch.
A half hour passed and one by one
my features trickled away from ny
face. The temperature jumped ur to
211 in the dark
For the friendship of Mike" plead
ed, cant we throw this asbestos gulf,
on the floor and come out of the fiery
| furnace?"
Don't novel" snapped Peaches
| don't novel"
For another half hour 1 strolled with
Dante ,ugh his favorite boiler
The Ely miner., 1915-06-11
UNITED TRAVELLERS.
/ MEET At W|NONA
COMMERCIAL MEN OF NORTH DA-
koTA AND MINNESOTA TO
HOLD CONVENTION.
1000 DELEGATES EXPECTED
Welcoming Session to be Brilliant AZ.
fair--Annual Street Parade in
Which Councils Will March in
Uniform Is Principal Event.

Winona-Winona is In readiness to
entertain the United Commercial Ira
velers of Minnesota and North Dako-
to at their 22nd annual convention
here.
The convention has been unusually
well advertised and the indications are
that fully 1000 travelling men and
their wives will be in the city.
The official welcoming session will
be brilliant affair, including address
ses by Governor L. B. Hanna of North
Dakota and G. NJ. Andrist, secretary
to Governor w. S. Hammond and clos
ing with the presentation of the Vino
ma motion picture specially prepared
for the convention.
The delegates will drive over new
concrete roads adjacent to Winona.
and tour Of the city has been ar
ranged on gondola cars with stops
and serenades at some of the lead
ing manufacturing establishments.
There will be launch parade and
band concert at Levee park, followed
by a grand ball at the new armory.
The principal event Of the conven-
ton will be the annual street parade
in which seven bands will be in line
and the different councils will march
in uniform
There will be steamboat excursion
on the Mississippi river for U. c. Us.
and their wives, and a public moon
light excursion. The headquarters will
be at the Elk's club and various forms
of entertainment will be provided for
them.
The Ely miner., 1915-06-11

fendale, who weighs 27S in her war
paint, fioated in and told Peaches that
she had picked out the wrong kind of
exercise, and presently l was chased
off downtown for rowing machine, a
set of Indian clubs and sixty cents
worth of dumbbells
That evening Peaches jumped mer-
rily aboard the rowing machine and
bore away to the northeast, with a
strong ebb tide on the port bow.
She was about four miles up the
river anc going hard when strap
broke. whereupon Peaches went over
board with splash that upset most
of the furniture in the room and
knocked her manicure set down be-
hind the bureau.
One of the oars went up in the air
and landed on the bridge of my nose,
because my face happened to be in
the way when the oar came down.
When loving hands finally untangled
Peaches from the chain drive of a
rocking chair, she found that, with the
help of the rowing machine, she had
lost nearly two pounds-mostly OF the
snd of her elbow. s -
The Ely miner., 1915-06-11
SCHOOL OFFICERS CONVENE
Pine County Association Holds Meet
ing-1o5 Districts Represented
800 Delegates Were Present.

Pine City.-The fifth annual meeting
of the Pine County School Officers as
sociation was held here. All of the
los school districts in the county were
represented, some having half a dozen
delegates. There were more than 500
delegates present and as many more
county visitors
The meetings were held in the big
new state armory and were full of
interest. Assistant State Superintend-
ent Cesander was on the program and
State Auditor Preus was a speaker.
When Mr.. Preus arose to speak he
was greeted with salutations as "the
Hext governor" He spoke on the in
f1uence of the rural school for good
citizenship.
The following officers were elected:
DR.. Fl. P. Dredge of Sandstone, pYesi
dent; County Superintendent Blanken
ship, secretary, and G. L. Jack OF
Hinckley, treasurer. The next meet
ing of the association will be held al
Sandstone.
The Ely miner., 1915-06-11
BANKERS MEET AT DETROIT
More Than 100 Attend Convention Of
Ninth District Group of Minnesota
State Association.

Detroit.-The twelfth annual con-
vention of the ninth district group of
the Minnesota State Bankers associa-
ton was attended by more than 100
bankers, and was the most successful
convention in the history of the dis
trict.
Among the speakers were H. L.
Marsh Of Crookston, Curtis L. Mosher
of Minneapolis, Mayor Hamilton of De-
troit, w. c. McFadden, secretary of
the North Dakota State Bankers as
sociation, and Secretary George Rich
ards of the Minnesota State Bankers
association.
The following officers were elected
President, H. S. Erickson, Detroit;
vice-president, G. j. Johnson, Donald
son; secretary-treasNer, H. F. Brad,
dish, Hallock; executive committee, II.
E. Roberts of Moorhead and S. F.
Evans of Fergus Falls.
The Ely miner., 1915-06-11
Tall Hats Of the Past.

In spite of statements made lately tc
the contrary, tall hats were invented
long before 1918. A Mr. Toft Of Tot
tenham, who died in 1867, left ESQ
to the governors of the Tottenham
free grammar school, the interest OF
which was to be devoted to the pur
chase of three tall hats as prizes for
the three best boys.
The hats used to be purchased from
a halter in Bishopsgate street. named
Greenway, for 24s, but In 1911 he In
formed the governor that duty Of Ii
each had been imposed, and the cos,
raised to 27s. The duty was again
raised to Is each, and in 1913 to Is Cd
The duty was afterwards repealed, but
by that time the governors were pur
chasing Bibles instead Of hats for the
boys-Pall Mall Gazette.
The Ely miner., 1915-06-11

room. felt something sharp and pc
culiar on my back. It was one Of my
shoulder blades peeping out to see
what the matter was. The tempera-
ture had started to display itself In
four figures when gasped, What ID
this thing that's over us-a plumbers
blow-pipe?"
"Shush!" whispered Peaches, its
an electric blanket-we're reducing!"
Shrieking the battlecry of Freedom
l pushed the volcano off the bed and
jumped to my feet.
Peaches also jumped to her feet and
with one of them stepped on an ohm
or something, whereupon she let a
blood-curdling yell out of her that
could be heard in Winnipeg.
Then she put her other foot down
and landed on volt or an ampere or
something equally exciting and be-
came short-circuited.
She was the best little short-circuit
that ever fused fuse.
For two minutes that room looked
like a thunderstorm with Peaches
playing all the elements.
When 1 finally got the current
turned off and all the live wires out OF
her hair Peaches collapsed on the sofa,
screaming! take it away! Take 1t
away! Now I know what hard life
the third rail must lead!"
think the electric blanket has
cured friend wife.
At any rate all the exercising do
funnys have been presented to the Jan.
itor's children, and Peaches has prom
ised to be kind to double chin If Ma.
ture slips her one.
Old King Solomon had the right idea
when he said to his typewriter. Van
ity, vanity, all Is vanity!"
If surgeon could remove our Van
ity as easily as he removes an appen'
dix there'd be lot more money in the
savings bank.
What do you think?
The Ely miner., 1915-06-11
so-caIIed Humane Bullets.

We are told in the current news
papers that Alexander Foster Hum
phrey of Pittsburgh has invented .
bullet supplied with narcotics and an
tiseptics, the former to relieve the
pain of a wound and the latter to aid
the healing operations. At least two
patents have issued for narcotizina
bullets. both especially designed fol
use in capturing the lower animals
One patent issued in 1910 to James
Francis O'Byrne and Thomas A. Flood
of Salt Lake City, for bullet carry
ing narcotic whose anaesthetic effec,
when shot into fieshy portion of an
animal would so affect 1t as to render
it's capture and control comparatively
easy. The other patent was issued In
1911 to K. Burgsmuller of Kreiensen
Germany, for a cartridge filed with
a mixture of capsicine in an imme
diately gasitiable form FOR narcotizins
animals.
The Ely miner., 1915-06-11
HOW ONE MAN GOT HIS START
Couldn't Go in for Literary Career,
So Went Into Hardware
Business.

Il got my start in life." said a
wealthy retired hardware dealer. in
singular manner.
you might not think 1t, i having
passed the major portion of my life in
selling nails, padlocks, stoves and
shovels, but in my early youth my
great ambition was to be a writer, an
author. | had no doubt whatever
that that was what l was cut out
for, and certainly l worked at it good
and hard; but none of the publishers
to whom l sent my things seemed to
agree with me. AS fast as l sent
the things in to them they would send
them back.
But that didn't worry me. / knew
that sooner or later they would come
to like what wrote and buy it. What
got my goat was the expense. I was a
very ready writer, and / wrote long
pieces. The stamps / had to use to
send these pieces out and get them
back cost me lot of money.
when / realized how much l was
paying out for stamps l said to my
self: 'Humpf! III save up that money
for five years and then I'll go to writ
ing again. And for the next five years
I did put aside regularly the amount
that would otherwise have spent fol
stamps and you would be surprised
if / should tell you how much 1,
amounted to. But at the end Of that
time did not again take up writing
Just at that time the senior part
ner of the hardware store in our town
died and his heirs drew out all his
interest in the firm. There was q
chance for a man with a little cap
ital to get into a good business. had
the capital, by accumulated stamp
money, and l bought that interest In
the hardware store.
From that time on | was always
too busy to write; but my great sue
cess in the hardware business yor
can clearly trace to my original ambi
bition for authorship"
The Ely miner., 1915-06-11
PLAYER is ECCENTRIC
Rube WaddeIl Had Nothing on
SouthpaW Pitcher Evans.
Twirier Was Never Quite Goed Enough
for Majors and Pitch1v N Almost
Every Minor League Of Note
In the Country.

Rube Waddell has been called the
most eccentric character the national
game has ever known, but Rube prob
ably gained the reputation because he
was great twirler and constantly be-
fore the major league public. But the
real eccentric person is Rnbe Evans.
southpaw pitcher, who was never
quite good enough for the majors.
Evans has pitched IN almost every
minor league of note in the country,
and earned nationwide reputation
as q squirrel" His most amusing
stunt probably was the biggest bone"
that ever was pulled" on a BAH field.
He was pitching for Portland a few
years ago when the squeeze play was
all the rage because OF the manner
In which the Athletics were executing
the play. The opposing teams were
using 1t with such regularity that
Manager McCredie was In a rage
when men were on third with none or
one out.
Finally after the play had been
worked on Evans twice tn one inning.
McCredie said:
THE next time that they try that
play. bean him (meaning. OF course.
the batsman), that will stop them"
An inning later the opposing team
tried the squeeze. There he goes"
was the cry set up by Evans team
mates. Imagine the surprise and ex-
citement in the grounds when Evans
whirled about and threw straight as
an arrow at the base runner. His
aim was good and the ball struck the
runner just back Of the ear and
stretched him out cold. A riot al.
most followed and Evans was lucky
TO escape being mobbed.
On the way back to the hotel, Nc
Credie said: What the deuce were
you thinking of, you big funkhead?"
''You told me to bean hfm, didn't
you? Why didn't you say the batteri
/ thought you means the base run
ner."
The Ely miner., 1915-06-11
The Cev;I,s Own.

The Inns of Court Officers Training
corps is proud of its traditional name,
the Devils Own, title which links
it with the patriots of the four inns,
who formed volunteer corps In the
time of the Napoleonic wars. It was
George III who bestowed the title on
the corps. He was reviewing bands oil
volunteers and. as one particularly
smart body OF men passed before
him, asked who they were. Law
yers," was the reply. "The Devils
Own, the Devffs Own" said the old
king. who.had habit of repeating his
sense Of humor, adopted the title with
ilee.-London Chronicle.
The Ely miner., 1915-06-11
To Graduate After 80 Years.

Little Falls.-Thirty-nfne years after
completing course in Iowa State
College at Ames, l. w. Bouck, of Roy.
alton, Mimi, is to be graduated with
the degree of bachelor of science at
the approaching commencement. Mr.
Bouck completed a four-year course,
but was compelled to leave college be-
fore he could take two of his final ex-
aminations. The faculty has decided
he is eligible to graduation.
The Ely miner., 1915-06-11
Fence Saves Farmer From Bull.

Winona-A barb wire fence bound
ing a corral in which he kept 2-year
old bull saved William Mastenbrook
from torturing death. He is injured
so seriously, however, that he may
die.
Mastenbrook, IA years old, entered
the cattle yard and had gone thirty
feet when the infuriated beast sprang
upon him. The farmer, his side bat
tered and his head bleeding, fell
heavily, and the bull repeatedly lunged
at him until the victim rolled under
the fence and out of the reach of the
beast.
The Ely miner., 1915-06-11


- bug called Vanity can cook up
more trouble for human beings
than any germ that ever built its nest
In brain cell! :.
It's subtle little disease, this fever
We call Vanity. No man ever knows
he has it but he can always recognize
the symptoms in his neighbor.
Sometimes it breaks out in diamond
rings on the fingers; sometimes 1t
takes the form Of ragtime clothing ac-
companied by rainbow neckties, and
sometimes it drives man into politics
who should remain at his post as the
chauffeur of garbage wagon.
And then again there are occasions
when it never shows In a man until
after he is dead and his will reads,
Il give and bequeath the sum of thirty
thousand dollars for the purposes of
scattering my ashes from the highest
peak of the Himalaya mountains"
Hep Hardy has 1t for keeps. Around
at the club the other night saw him
drink seven Scotch highballs because
somebody swelled hin all up by telling
him he never showed the effects of
liquor.
Then he had to lean against the
buildings all the way home.
Even friend wife isn't proof against
the Vanity microbe.
Not long ago some fresh friend told
her that she was getting stout and
Peaches promptly fell for every obes.
ity cure known to modern science.
During her calmer moments Peaches
has the general appearance of Fletch.
erizing canary bird, but when some
amiable idiot told her that day by day
she was growing to look more and
more like a public building she ut
tered few shrill screams and started
a'ter that obesity proposition with a
tonahawk.
tried to flag her and talk her out
Of it, but she waved me back and said
She wasn't going through this world
chaperOning double chin.
SO Peaches started In to put the
sabots to the fatty tissues, and for a
week our erstwhile peaceful home be-
came two reels in the Movies entitled
"A Rough Night at Sea"
When l reached home on the eve
Of the Battle of Embonpoint l found
Peaches strolling around the campus
made up to look like a lady scarecrow.
Her face was concealed behind mus
lin mask, there was a feverish glitter
In her eyes and in both hands she
clutched a book which proclaimed
itself "The Road to Beauty; or, How
to Get Thin Without Calling in the
Coroner"
AS | breezed through the turnstile
with a CHEEKY Good eventide, Las
Sie!" she turned her acetylene lamps
on me and burned me to a standstill.
Then she threw both herself and the
book on our nearly-Persian rug and
began to roll around the room. Seek
Ing new worlds to conquer, she rolled
out into the dining room. bumped into
the sideboard, and exit. rolling into
hall with glass-crash.
What's the idea?" gasped, when
friend wife rolled back into my life
uSetiu diu uIOppcu duCuof III MOTTiS
chair
Reducing" she answered in the
still. small voice of Marathon run
ner at the end of the ninety-fourth
mile. Then she rushed out and
weighed herself and came back with
the glad tidings that she'd lost six
and one-Quarter ounces.
Eat one of our new COOKS break
fast rolls and get it back permanent
ly." I suggested. and Peaches didn't
speak to me for twenty minutes.
The next morning Aunt Louisa Mif-
The Ely miner., 1915-06-11
Long Hike On $500 Wager.

Red Wing, Minn.-Hiking across
country from Columbus, Ohio,
to San Francisco, on a $500 wager,
Mr.. and Mrs. r. l.. Thomas arrived
in this city after an all-night walk
from Wabasha. They left Columbus
March 30, and average about 20 miles
day. A little terrier dog is following
them.
"We have until November to reach
San Francisco" said Mrs. Thomas,
'and in order to win the $500 wager
offered by the Riley Shoe company of
Columbus we must realize an equal
amount from the sale of postcards.
The Ely miner., 1915-06-11
LowdermIlk,. Yellow Streak,

In Grover LowdermiTk's one-hit
game against Cleveland, the Browns
behind him made four errors in one
inning. Kaufman dropped thrown
ball, Austin messed up two bunts In
succession and Gus Williams muffed
a fly. Lowdermilk, evidently disgust
ed, did Rube Wadden stunt and re-
tired the side himself He caught
Liebold's popup, struck out Jackson
with the bases full and then threw
out Smith, who had been sent In as
a pinch hitter. And then they say
Lowdermilk has yellow streak!
The Ely miner., 1915-06-11
Auto Hits Dog; 2 Persons Killed.

Sacred Heart, Mimi, June 1.-Two
persons were killed and three injured
in an auto accident here. A car be-
longing to L. F. Reddicliffe, and bear
ing seven passengers, struck dog on
the highway and was overturned. Roy
Reddicliffe, the driver, died in few
hours of his injuries. His 3-year-old
brother, Lloyd, was killed outright.
Mrs. Reddicliffe, mother of the boys,
was badly injured, but will recover
Agnes overly sustained a fractured
right arm and Olga Lundberg dis
located clayicle
The Ely miner., 1915-06-11
Bresnahan Backs Tener.

Manager Bresnahan of the Cubs has
taken sides with Governor Tener and
Ban Johnson against the emery ball.
Several of the Cubs pitchers have
shown a disposition to toy with 1t in
practice just for the fun Of the thing.
SO Bresnahan has issued an edict that
he will slap a fine on any man who
even roughens the ball. He believes
that ability to use the forbidden
curve might act as a temptation and
cause some Of his twirlers to subject
the Cubs to the possibility Of forfeit
Ing game through its use.
The Ely miner., 1915-06-11
Boy Saved by PuImotor.

Red Wing, Minn.-Prompt use Of
the pulmotor saved the life Of
Myron Lindberg, son of Mr. and Mrs.
c. A. Lindberg, after the little fellow
had been taken out of the river in
front of the levee and lay unconscious
and apparently breathing his last.
James A. Paterick, of 1862 West Uni
versity avenue, st. Paul, deck hand
on the steamer Frontenac, saved the
boy from a watery grave. saw the
boy fall into the river, and dove In
after him, bringing him safely to