davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The fool-killer., 1915-05-01
THE WAY PEOPLE FEEL"

Great Humptidoodle!
Caesars Ghost and Molly Haw-
kins!
What fools we have all been!
After all our frantic and vain
efforts to discover the cause of the
business depression and hard
times, here it is as plain as a f1y
in your biscuit.
We are indebted to one w. III.
Belk, plutocrat Of Charlotte, N.
c., for turning on the light. One of
The Charlotte Observers whick-
ergoddled reporters took a DIR.
Pierce account book and a penny
pencil and started out to smell
around for a good juicy lie for his
paper. Having some sort Of in
tntlve knowledge that they kept
such things at the Belk department
store, he turned the toes of his
number tens in that direction.
How is business?" asked the
reporter to Merchant Belk, and
what he failed to get in the way
OF information will never be miss
ed. Now give prayerful attention
to Belk s answer:
Business is good. You don't
hear any talk Of hard times any
more. People are feeling better,
and they are trading. A large
element in the depression last fall
was simply in the way people
felt" =
| Why, Of course.
+ Our FEELINGS are to blame
for it ALL
Why didn't we think of that
sooner?
But then, you know, habit has
a heap to do with it. Man has
been living in ignorance and sin
so long that his confounded "feel-
ings' have got the best of him.
When he is hungry he FEELS
hungry.
When he is ragged he FEELS
ragged.
When, his pocket is empty, senez
how it just will FEEL empty. e
don t know why, but it does. =:
/ When a fellow is hungry, and
ragged, and out Of money, and out
Of a job, and in debt, and has worn
his shoe-soles to the quick chas-
ing around after another job and
can't find it-well, it may be that
fellows solemn Christian duty to
suck wind and swell out his belly
and FEEL just like the president
Of railroad, but it's develish
hard to do.
i III
The fool-killer., 1915-05-01

The poet Longfellow is said to
have remarked on one occasion
that Gin this world a man must
either be an anvil or hammer. :"
Shucks in August! I wonder if
Longfellow never ran up against
any of these fellows who insist on
being bellowses? --:
The fool-killer., 1915-05-01

The government is trying to en-
courage sheep raising, so they say.
The officials are probably needing
more wool to pull over our eyes.
Carson City daily appeal. [volume] (Carson City, Nev.) 1907-1930, 1915-01-12

A California Judge says that it is all right for a lady
the lap OF a gentleman not her husband. Didn't know the i'll
so advanced
Carson City daily appeal. [volume] (Carson City, Nev.) 1907-1930, 1915-01-12

winds from the Antarctic, the Falkland Islands re surely the most dis
mai Of Great Britans family OF organized colonies. The raj ceases only
when the wind blows its 6ercest the fog hangs low and heavy except
when the gales whip it to shreds 1t is a treeless land; part barren
rocks and part grassy slopes. 4 day OF sunshine is a rare joy. TERRA
del Euego is its nearest neighbor. The people, some 1000 in number.
are sturdy descendants OF Scotch emigrants, and the sheep that browse
on the eternaly damp hills are their only source OF revenue. Yet there
is a capital, a government and a governor duly appointed by the crown
OF the antipodes. ' 49,
The Falkland Islands appeal % the imagination Is the remote9t.
lonehest and least desirable of all lands inhabited by Europeans. The
war, one would think, would scarcely send its iaintest ripple to this
forgotten Arcadia OF wetness. and dcsolaton.
Yet it was off the coast of the Falkands that the wars greatest
naval battle has been fought The victorious German Pacific squadron,
having entered the Atlantic to escape the British and Japanese hunter
OF the sea, were met by a mysterious and unrepored British force sent
all the way from the North Sea to the Antarctic on a definite mission
OF destruction.
And so the land Of the Falkland shepherds stands very clearly on
the map today A few weeks ago the COcos Islands, isolated in the
equatorial drift of the Indian ocean, witnessed the destruction OF the
gallant. Emden. Japan has drawn attention to zap and Jaluit and other
palm crowned coral specks OF the vast Pacific. But when the war
reached Falkland it was at the jumping off place to nowhere. No re
moter Thule can be chances choice for the next clash OF arms-Cleve-
land Plain Dealer
Carson City daily appeal. [volume] (Carson City, Nev.) 1907-1930, 1915-01-12
LIKE

There is nothing funnier, says Fred Kelly in a n eastern paper, than
to see a bunch OF senator's smoking contentedly in the cloak Don when
one OF their number says: Hist! Here comes Tilman.' All scramble
to hide their cigars and assume a look OF entire innocence.
Senator Thlman, who is opposed to smoking, got a rule passed some
months ago prohibiting smoking in the senate chamber or loungIng
rooms.
But the rule is not enforced 1t as no a popular rule, and those
senators who smoke do not want it enforced. But they feel that il
they are too bold in breaking the rule Ti1man might make things un-
pleasant for them. Then they would have to stand out o n the terrace
like a hen-pecked husband every time they desire a few rufs a a cigar.
So they smoke, but they do o with discretion always with one eye out
for Tilman.
What am afraid off" remarked big Ollie James day, as he sat
concealng a stub OF cigar in his list, is that some day We'll be search
cd and our cigars taken away from us, and then have to stay in every
night like we used to in III school days.
Carson City daily appeal. [volume] (Carson City, Nev.) 1907-1930, 1915-01-12
VAGARIES OF MR.. BRYAN

Secretary Bryan nearly always has his lunch in his office at the
state department, and until recently this lunch consisted OF som such
layout as this: Three picked lambs tongues; a large bottle of milk;
a pound of old fashioned ratrap cheese; a box of soda crackers and
perhaps a piece OF pie OF a pair # apples.
Now all he has at noon o the average is a little bowl of rice ami
one Or two apples Or a banana. 1t is Mr.. Bryans desire to reduce
weights and % far he has Topped off about thirty pounds.
Here is another fact about the secretary OF state that seem to be
not generally known. He goes up to the top OF his home at night and
plays billiards He is a moderately good player.
Carson City daily appeal. [volume] (Carson City, Nev.) 1907-1930, 1915-01-12
ANYBODY SEEN ALFONZO?

In the turmoil which has involved nearly every nation in Europe
in war or brought it to the verge OF hostlries Spain is about the only
one that has remained quicscent and its name is neve mentioned in the
dispatches. Among the countries of Europe Spain has been regarded
as a sort OF back number, but doesn't it begin to look as though
her methods OF craftsmanship we're paramount to those OF her neigh
bors? When the latter con out OF their present difficulties and essay
to again get o a good footing Spain will be riding o the waves.
Carson City daily appeal. [volume] (Carson City, Nev.) 1907-1930, 1915-01-12

Women's skirts are to be wider. Fathers pocketbook "
ong, lean appearance.
Carson City daily appeal. [volume] (Carson City, Nev.) 1907-1930, 1915-01-12
COPPER SCARCE

In their frantic hunt all over Belgium for copper the Germans are
searching the houses Of rich and poor alike and Communicating tic
copper kettles of the peasanty. Plaques, shields, bedwarmers and stew
are seized o IL a if they were gold, and, indeed, in their present
shortage Of ammunition material these copper articles are almost As
valuable as bullion itself
In his latest magazine article on the "a in Europe. Mr. Roosevelt
ays that President Wilson "tamely submitted" to the wrong done t.
Belgium. AS the essay is headed Utopia OF He'll" it is easy to decide
which end OF the proposition the colonel would have chosen if he had
been in the White House. 49,
A so-calcd socio1ogist OF New York has suggested that children
be compelled to support their parents. What JOY a law of that kind
would bring to the heart OF the employer OF child labor.
A California Judge says that it is all right for a lady to sit on
the lap OF a gentleman not her husband. Didn't know the judiciary vas
SO advanced"
Womens skirts are to be wider. Fathers pockebook will retain lis
long, lean appearance.
1t does not pay to say all you think, unless you know that you
think all you say.
Carson City daily appeal. [volume] (Carson City, Nev.) 1907-1930, 1915-01-12

A so-called sociologist Of New York has suggested that
e compelled to support their parents. What JOY a law of
would bring to the heart OF the employer Of child labor.
Warren sheaf., 1915-09-01
ARGYLE, A SPLENDID CITY
I'm RICH FARMING DISTRICT

\ MONG the many splendid cities in the
~ Minnesota Red River Valley is that Of
a = Argyle, located on the Trans-Contnental
route of the Great Northern railway system,
the direct line from st. Paul Minneapolis to
Winnipeg, 339 miles North of the Twin Cities
and 119 miles South of Winnipeg laying in the real
basin Of the Valley which has become world famed for
its deep black aluval soi running from three to five
feet deep underlad by porous clay, making it fab
ulous crop producer Of all kinds Of plant life suitable
to the temperate Away back in 187S when the
Great Northern railway constructed its line through
the Valley, Argyle staked out village From
this humble birth it has grown to the full stature Of
ctyhood and today holds important place the
railroad map of Minnesota, owing to it's prosperous,
progressive farmers; who have carved out small and
large fortunes in the cultivation of the SOIL It does
not require much Of mathematician discover this,
if he will base his calculations upon the bank deposits
of $63300O upon the grain receipts covering the
crop year Of 1914, of round million bushels handled
by the five elevators in Argyle. There is froth to
be blown off in the material things that go to make
up Argyle, it's growth has been in keeping with the
soil development. It's only drawback, if may be
permitted to the expression, is its large farms,
ranging from half section (320) to section
(640) acres, while many two sections
Q2e0) acres
Large farmsteads make for small towns If these
big farms divided up into units of 80 and 100
five to twelve thousand in order to supply the trade
wants of the people the farms. AS the big farms
reduced in sze the city has grown in proportion
Argyle is splendid built city, with modern business
blocks while the residence section has many beautiful
homes park lawns, set to shade trees, shrubs and
flowers giving each individuality, proving to the
stranger that they are occupied by people of wealth
and culture, making Argyle desirable place to live
~nd do business in It is home owned city, electric
lighted, cement laid walks local and long distance
telephone and wide streets and boulevards graded
6rb rejecting The progressiveess of all its citizens
Minnesota is in the lneight of a statewide filling
in and to get its share Of the population that is
coming to the Minnesota Red River Valley, Argyle
is up and doing holding out the glad hand to the
who wants to begin the battle in this great
pregnant Valley where land values and fertility of
soil is the lure where all the best environments of the
Twentieth Century to be had, in the good wagon
and automobile road section, where all roads Of the
Valley ramfy from lead to Argyle, covering this
Valley, big territory in the richest soil domain under
the canopy of heaven. The wheat farmer of the by
Warren sheaf., 1915-09-01

gone days did not realize that in order to get the full
earning capacity out of the soi he must practice
diversified farming, crop rotation. The bonanza
farmer realizes that he has too much land to
cessfuly cultivate and that it be divided up into
smaller units. This is the key to the situation. 1t is
why land values, improved farms with suitable build
ngs only priced at $40 to SITS per acre. farms that
will be priced and selling for 500 and $3.50 per
when the propaganda of Better Farming Il is
universally adopted. This will and
hogs daryng, stock-raising and silos This
kind of farming is what has increased Iowa
farm lands in the past twenty years from $50
and $40 to 5000 and $500 per acre, not the
fertility of that soil. In this section Of Marshall
county, the soil is rich enough to be used fertil
zer for the wornout farms of the Eastern states and
must of necessity reach the advanced price per
acre. t, 4 .e
This portion Of the Minnesota Red River Valley lis.
peoped with the strong people Of many nations, the
welding of whose widely varying characteristics has
brought forth people filled with ambition with ener-
gy with power. Standing back Of this cosmopolitan
Warren sheaf., 1915-09-01

The First National Bank is housed in it's own building,
that was erected at a cost of $4,000, two story
pressed brick with trimmings, size 25x55 feet,
fitted up equal to any banking house in the interior OF
the state has reinforced concrete vaults steel lined
fire and burglar proof with time lock- steam heated and
electric lighted The second story is occupied by the
Argyle Land Company The officers and directors OF
the First National Bank Of Argyle are: n S. Hegness
president; Fred Tiedt vice president; and A. E.
Pfiffner, cashier; with J. M Ryan and John Sinclair
completing the board of directors The officers and
directors of the First National Bank Of the
highest personal standing and, what is more, have
large private means which gives additional security
to those having deposits and enrsting their business
to the First National Bank Of Argyle.
Warren sheaf., 1915-09-01

One Of the most prosperous and popular financial
institutions of the Minnesota Red River Valley is
the First National Bank Of Argyle N S. Hegnes,
in 1901 and organized by state senator N S. Hegnes,
one of the splendid younger type of business men, who
has built up his reputation and high character by his
individual work to his community, the Red River Val
ley and the state Of Minnesota The First National
Bank has capital Of $4,000, surplus and profits OF
s25oO and deposits Of $225OO0 which proves it's great
financial stability and the great confidence it is held in
bv people who have banking business to transact The
bank pays per cent interest on time deposits trans
acts business for nonresdents paying taxes and loans
money on real estate and farm mortgages, collects
commercial paper and writes fire and life insurance
Warren sheaf., 1915-09-01

population is the mighty compelling force of the
people that comprise the population of this Valley
and the great state of Minnesota, each of whom ad-
mts limit to the great things that this particular
section do which means new era in empire
building in the Of farm lands best, heretofore
only dream, but now dream true
The people Of Argyle take pride in their churches
Warren sheaf., 1915-09-01

North Dakota Mr.. 0. L. Melgaard here in 1889,
from the La Crosse National Bank of Wisconsin. In
fact the Melgaards are family of bankers. The
officers of the Farmers and Merchants Bank are: 81.
l.. Melgaard, president; P l. Hoen vice president;
O. L. Melgaard casher and Hardin Helland assistant
cashier.
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1915-04-28
MERCURY 90; RAIN
RESCUES EAST SIDE
Continued from page 1

this city was that for s o'clock yes
terday morning, when the temperature
was a. At il had risen TO r., and
an hour later to 80. The II o'clock
record was 81, which mounted to 81
at noon and at 1 o'clock. In the after
noon the mark rose as rapidly as Fore
caster Scarr had predicted, being 50 at
, and 3 O'Clock and 80 at 4. Then
came the drop, and for the next five
hours the mercury showed. successive
t.. So. 81. 81. II and 61-the last at
o'clock last night.
When the mark was 1. "A here yes
terday morning Boston recorded a tenn
perature of IS the highest received for
that hour by the Weather Bureau. The
lowest at that time was 80 degrees, at
Flagstaff. Ariz.. and Calgary, Alberta.
At Halifax the mercury showed only
80, but that other Canadian cities
were not neglected by the hot wave
was shown by Montreal's early morn
ing figure of SO. Chicago and the Mid
die West, it was said here last night,
were due for another twelve hours of
warm weather.
The Weather Bureau predicted yes
terday that the storm centre that had
been in the plains states was moving
northeastward over the Mississippi Val
ley, attended by general rains. Local
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1915-04-28
Mitchell VETOES
ELLENBOGEN BILL
Saws That II Complicates, Not
Simplifies, Building
IuspectiOns.

Mayor Mitchell vetoed the LOCKWOOD
Ellenbogen bill yesterday. The meas
ure was intended TO simplify building
inspection in this city. At the public
hearing by the Mavor last week there
was wide objection TO the measure
PRINCIPALLY on the ground that it would
curtail the Jurisdiction OF the Iene-
ment House Commission, II not in time
entirely destroy it's functions. Inc
real estate interests and the borough
presidents, whose power il increased,
rallied to the support Of the bill.
In vetoing the measure the mayor
said:
"This bill purports to simplify the
building inspection services OF the
city, to reduce the number Of inspec-
tions OF buildings made by different
city departments, 70 eliminate conhiet
between departments, and to save
money to the taxpayers by consolidat-
ing the functions Of different depart
ments, thus making possible a decrease
in the number of city employees.
But the bill does none OF the things
it's proponents claim. II does not sim.
plify the building inspection service OF
the city. 1t complexities II. IL does
not reduce the number Of inspections
of buildings made by city departments;
The Mayor said that irrespective OF
all other considerations he felt con-
strained 10 veto the bill because IL de-
stroyed the efficiency of the Tenement
House Department, "the only agency
that in the past has stood between the
inscriptions among the builders and
landlords and the welfare Of over
5000 900 people"
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1915-04-28
Natty Knocked Out with One Look, Never Came Back
but Hans Lobert Says He's for Cause if
Friend Wife SO Orders

talk" he SAID. T'm too old for that
sort of thing
JEFF Tesreau flushed all over his face
and shot back under the bleachers.
Nix" he grumbled over his shoulder
as he departed. "Whaddo wanta talk
about suffrage FOR, anyway
81 never SAID Mclean. The catcher,
cautiously, talk politics except at
home with my wife"
Doyle. the second baseman, instantly
declared himself an anti-sutfraglst.
Couldn't think Of talking TO a sutfIa-
Cette," he declared Don't know any
thing about suffrage, and en- against
Christy Msthewson was crafty.
Mr.. MathewsOn Fades.
Sure, Ill be delighted to talk TO the
lady soon as get time" he said. Then
he made his fadeaway-it was Just
2:l5 O'Clock and was seen no more.
The baseball expert was beginning TO
wonder how he'd dare to go back 10
Miss Dollie, when he struck Hans
Lobert. the new third baseman, and his
life was saved. Hans has & wife, as he
made haste TO tell Miss Dollie right
away, but he is strong for suffrage and
the ladies'. He shook hands with the
pretty suffragist.
Sure he said, swallowing hard and
shifting from one foot to the other,
"I'll vote for you next fall if the wife
tells me TO do il. It's all up TO her.
The wife shall have vote If she wants
it, And personally feel that nothing
is too good fcr the ladies'"
Hes a nice man." said Miss Dollie
comfortably. as he FASTENED away.
Then she settled down 10 watch the
game with a sisterly eye on young
Lobert and round of applause for him
whenever he made a good play.
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1915-04-28

theatrical managers recently COM
planned to Commissioner Bell that in
this respect many Of the cabarets In
town were in violation Of the law, and
constituted performance which should
demand a theatrical license.
Theatrical licenses cost $500. The
simple public dance license, which
most of the restaurants carry, costs but
$50. Cabarets are not licensed. The
theatrical managers contend that the
show which some of the cabarets
advertise and give is worthy of real
theatre.
Commissioner Bell started a quiet
investigation. He or some Of his as
Slstants visited most of the cabarets
IN the White Light district and other
parts OF the city. Yesterday he sum
moned a score of the most prominent
restaurateurs and read them the law.
He told them that the License Depart
ment was not disposed TO treat them
harshly, but that the line had to be
drawn more strictly to conform with
the law.
The restaurant proprietors asked for
time TO confer on the matter. and they
were given two weeks in which 10 re-
model or rearrange the cabarets with
proper simplicity. II is understood
that the proprietors would welcome the
curtaIlment OF the cabarets because of
the saving il would mean.
Proprletors or representatives Of
Rector's, Reisenweber's. Wallick's. Bus
tanoby's. MaXim's, the Toxic. the Gar
der, Healy's and other places where
cabarets arc maintained were among
those who called on Mr.. Bell.
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1915-04-28

Matty, the pride Of the Giants, is
famous for the fadeaways he has
pitched. But never in all his career
has he pitched as mastery a fadeaway
as the one he executed yesterday,
when pretty suffragst tried to tackle
him.
The rest OF the Giants were Just as
bad. JEFF Tesreau, Doyle, Merkle, Nc
Graw, the manager. orc and all. re-
fused to play ball with the girl whose
bat was an argument for the eniran-
chisement Of her sex. They absolutely
muffed the introduction which the
baseball expert. who accompanied the
suffragist TO the Polo Grounds, sought
TO throw their way.
And such a pretty sufragist, too
Who was she? Why. Miss Dollic Kim
broIch, Of Mississippi. Upton Sirclair's
sister-in-law. barely twenty, slim and
more converts for the cause on her
string thar any other member of the
Women's Political Union.
Would Educate Giants.
Knowing that the Giants have prom
ised 10 play the Cubs May lS for the
benefit of suffrage. Miss Dollie yester-
day arranged her curly brown hair in the
most becoming way. put on her pretti-
est dress and hat and took the Ninth
Avenue al" to the Polo Grounds, de-
termined to have little conversation
with the nice pitchers and catchers and
batters who were willing to give up a
whole day for the cause.
If any Of them were at all wabbly in
their conversion, she thought, now was
a good time to reinforce them with ar
guments They would play much bet
ter May Is if they knew all about the
cause for which they were playing.
The baseball expert steered Miss
Dolle through the press gate and into
one Of the red chairs down at the edge
of the diamond. Then he left her to
lead up the Giants, who were beginning
70 stroll out for a little preliminary
exercise with the ball. Miss Dollie
waited calmly. Down in Mississippi
and up here in New York she had al
WAYS had more men around that she
/ knew what 10 do with, and she had no
reason TO suppose that baseball players
were different.
The baseball expert was finding on;
| that they were. The first one he ap-
preached was Fred Merkle.
"Huh?" said that experienced first
baseman. "Be introduced to a suffra-
gette1 Mkt Say, I've got wife. Oh
yes; know we're goin' to play fol
suffrage May IS, but there1l be bunch
of them then, and most of 'em are old
/ This one"--he took a side glance al
Miss Dollie-"say, she's too pretty to
be a suffragette."
Undiscouraged by this failure, tn,
baseball expert tried other Giants. But
all, it appeared had wives. and al
were afraid of their wives. Miss Dollie
in short, was much too pretty TO be
seen talking to. They made variou.
excuses. Manager McGraw took refuge
in his age.
"Get some of the young fellows tc