The Emmett index. [volume] (Emmett, Idaho) 1893-1925, 1915-08-26

AAN~Na
/, ed exercise.
t A resume of the war to date woulc
: show millions killed, and more mil
, lions homeless and starving, but al
: the kings alive and well fed.
The ominous announcement comes
that owing to the cutting off of dyes
from Germany we shall in the neal
future be compelled to wear red over
alls instead of the traditional blue
ones. Curses on whoever started this
war.
The other day a little 3-year-old
girl was planning on getting a little
puppy dog. "And when we get the
doggie," she announced enthusiast
cally, "we'll name him Daddy. And
that will be a good joke on the dog
gle, won't it, mammal"
A certain congressman had disas-
trous experience in gold mine specu-
lations. One day number of col
leagues were discussing the subject of
his speculation, when one of them said
to this Western member: "Old chap,
as an expert, give us a definition of
the term bonanza" "a bonanza
replied the Western man with empha-
sis, lis a hole in the ground owned by
champion liar!"
Sandy strolling up the banks of
the river, came upon an English visi-
tor fishing in the stream. "Man," said
Sandy, Eye Wilma catch ony fish there.
You'll haze tae gang bit further up
till we come tae guild spot" "Ah,"
said the visitor, "but how will know
when | come to good spot?" 'Hoots
mon," said Sandy, "you can easy tell
guild spot by the number o. empty
bottles lying ABBOTT
4 4 4
iltloll I bGtil maj u DuI INO uetN -
sah," said a battered looking negro
who had drifted into the office of an
attorney. "And last night muh wife
whipped me-'scended upon me, sab,
and mauled me twell muh tongue hung
out! Is skeered to try to git di-
voice, uh-kaze | b'lieve to muh soul
she'd beat me plumb to death if l did
What | wants to know, sab, am whad-
der | kin sue de 'fishiating minister
for damages or suppin'?"
4 4 4
Curious woman, my wife is" re-
marked Old Bill Misgivens. She'll
believe any kind of story about
foreigner, but she won't believe her
own lawful welded husband on OATH
Believes that tale about Jonah and
the whale from beginning to end, but
when | comes rolling home from the !
lodge at 2 o'clock in the morning and {
tells her what kept me so long was
helping initiate a suffering candi-
late, she snorts like camel"
4 q
The girls demand that the men they
we'd shall be tall and distinguished
cooking, with curling locks and gold
galore, and have perfect dispositions
md soulful eyes, dance divinely, be
yet tender, and otherwise
more or less resemble Greek gods and d
lie angels. And then they marry us Il
POOR, skinny, laundering, stumbling, U
nisshaped, awkward runts, with our u
inns and foolishness heavy upon us,
md look as fondly triumphant, bless
em, as if they had each won a capt. =
al prize!
"A good Wife" said Old Bill, upon u
Irriving home at 1882 a. M, sis heav- $
ms best gift to man, and a jewel of c
urest ray purene, as it were. She
ubbles his dorrows-I mean doubles
lis sorrows and divides his joys Her
title hands lead him upward and on \
Tard to-er-er-waddy- ye-call-it? She
5 his reparation and his soap-that n
;, hope. Without her he would be L
her. And-and- Il
amuella, can't consheal it any long v
r, | have been drinking again" C
3 =
The ship doctor Of an English liner
gifted the death watch steward, an K
rishmaa, that man had died in v
tatero0m As. The usual Instructions
D bury the body were given. Some y
ours later the doctor peeked into the y
corn and found that the body was
til there. He called the Irishman's