The Grangeville globe. [volume] (Grangeville, Idaho) 1907-1922, 1915-09-02
Ruben's Old Dad
What Busted Him All TO Squash
By M QUAD
Copyright. 1915. by the Mcclure
Newspaper Syndicate.

Stranger, / can tell ye all about 1t.
Do you want to see the corpse?"
"Is some one deadT
dead as a coon track. and it's my
own dad at that"
Been row herer
"Not a bit Of it. Dad jest made
fule Of hisself He's in thar waitin'
fur cart to take hisself home to be
laid out and buried
"Never seed nuthin' to ekal 1t in all
my BON days." said man In the
crowd.
II was right yere or wouldn't hev
staggered to 1t nohow." added Sec
ond.
"It was jest this way, stranger"
continued the son as he picked silver
or pine box and began to whittle at
It with spring back jackknife: Dad
and me comes down yere this mornin'
to buy mewl Dad was powerful
frisky all the way down. and he seq
to me, seq he:
Ruben, / kin outwalk, outrun, out
shute, outholler and outlick anything
on top of this yere airth's surface
II sees dad was purity chucky. and
seq to him. l SEE:
Dad, you's top of the heap round
yere. and nobody kin deny 1t. but doan'
you go and meet up with no fight In
town. Yves arter a mewl, we Is, and
we doan' want no fussin' nor nuthin'.
And with that dad jumps TO feet
high. and cracks his heels together,
and whoops out that he's bar traps.
pizen. powder and catamount all boil
ed down into one. and that he's dam
gerous II anybody goes to pick up his
hind foot
"Yaas, and / hears him boiler when
he's mile away" said one Of the
crowd.
"Of co'se you did," replied Ruben;
''of co'se. Dad was powerful on hol-
lerin'. He'd boiler bar out'n tree
half mile away. When he got down
yero thar was a Teller from Memphis
with a patent liftin' masheen a-stand-
I'm right yere. Thar's the pieces OF 1t
agin this fence. while the Teller his
self is ten miles away and still rum
nin'."
But 'twasn't his fault" protested a
man on muleback.
II amt sayin' as twas" placidly
answered Ruben. I'm sayin' as dad
got mixed up and made fule OF his
self. No sooner had be sot eyes on
the masheen than he cracks his heels
together and crows like a rooster and
SEE to me- SEE he:
"'Ruben. I kin pull the hull state of
Tennessee right up by the roots II
kin git brace fur my feet"
"Yaas, l heard him say them re-
Marks" put I'm one of the crowd.
'Of co'se he said EN-" continued
Ruben: "of co'se. He spit on his
hands, grabbed them ere handles and
when he Strengthened up jest felt the
ground trenholm all around"
sod IT, called seven or eight voices
in chorus.
dad had one side Of the hull coun-
try lifted up two foot high when there
was rip and smash. them handles
tore out. the masheen few to pieces
and the airth sunk back with a chug
which made US dizzy"
'Then your father had broken a
blood vessel or something of the sort?'
I Querfed.
"Skeersly. stranger, skeersly. Dad
wasn't no man to stop at one blood
vessel. He jest busted hisself all to
pieces and was a goner afore we
could reach him. / might say be sort
OF run together and caked He was
six foot high when he grabbed them
ere handles, and now you can't make
him over four foot eight as he lays In
thar on board. Jest pulled his knees
up and his shoulders down, and reck-
on his pants would hold his gal
luses up II thar was any buttons on
EN- The man who owned the ma
sheen wasn't to blame-of co'se ne
wasn't-but when be seed the calam-
ity he started fur Knoxville on the
jump. and he was jumpin' when he
turned the co'ner Of the hill up thar.
Dads In yere, stranger. Come and
take look Mighty good man he was"
"And you are waiting to take the
body homer" l queried as a wagon
drove up to the shed.
That's IT stranger"
1T VIII be sad sight for your moth
er to see the body come home"
Tolerbly sad. toier'bly sad" replied
the young man. though she's been ex-
pectin' 1t for the last ten Vars. I
know about what she'll say. AS the
wagon drives up and she sees me she'll
stand In the door and call out:
Has It happened this time. Ruber
"sYep. maw.'
Smashed mp or deadY
Dead as dead rabbitY
Tackle an elephant. did her
"Wurs'n that. maw'
A hull circus7
And wuss than that He tried to
I'M the hull alrth on one of them ma
sheens.'
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