davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Climax-Madisonian. (Richmond, Madison County, Ky.) 1914-1917, 1915-09-01
SEEING LIFE Wih
! JOHN HENRY
% George Hobart
I5VNSTA John Henry On the Rubes Of
F~1K%eAAI New York

"Ohi" I said; something reason
able"
How would $4,000 strike your" sgd
inquired. 1
TT would strike me below the belt"
I told him. 81 said we wanted some
thing reasonable.
WELL" sgd chuckled, six thou
sand year is reasonable nowadays.
We have apartments ranging all the
way from $4,000 up to $4,000 a
year"
you may keep all with my compli-
ments, Sgd" informed him. What
I'm looking for is a place to live in,
not a hand-painted cabaret in which
to entertain the Sheriff 1 don't wish
to pry loose any trade secrets, but tell
me, Sgd, how do you manage to rent
an apartment when the formula is the
same as buying an issue of City
Bonds?"
"Cinch!" sgd gnrgled brothiIy.
You can sell anything to the Rubes
in New York"
"Rubes in New York;" Peaches and
1 echoed.
"Surest thing you know" Sgd
beefed on; there are more Rubes in
New York than in all the rural dis
tricts tied together. Who is it rides
up town on the Subway in the eve
ming with a strange man standing on
each one of his insteps-the Rubei
Who is 1t pays eight dollars for a pair
of seats and enables the ticket spec
ulator to pick up bargains in real es-
tate-the Rube! Who is it pays sixty
cents dozen for cold storage eggs
so the Grocer can send his family to
a Sprudel Spa-the RUDE! And who
has boosted the price on apartments
so high that only those with a private
Mint can squeeze through the gilded
portals-the RUDE with the coinl"
sgd. looked around cautiously to see
If the Flat Wheel of the Concern was
listening.
Take it from me, john" he went
on, the RUDE with Bundle of Dough
is the answer to a lot of questions
right here in this price-laden burg.
The High Cost|of Living is due to the
prevalence of Rubes who have the
wherewithal to Live High at any old
Cost"
Then sgd took a long breath and
whispered: Eve cater only to Rubes
with the cush. There's enough of
them cutting off coupons around New
York to make $4,000 apartments pos
sible. And what do they get for it
ha, ha!-silver-plated plumbing, gold
buttons on the elevator boy and lot
of concealed laughter from the man
who built the house. Do you honestly
think, John, you could drape yourself
around an apartment with sufficient
energy to get $4,000 worth Of enjoy
ment out of it in a year? Nix, old
squills. You may be slightly bucolic
in temperament, but you're no Rube;
SO take my tip and beat it from this
The Climax-Madisonian. (Richmond, Madison County, Ky.) 1914-1917, 1915-09-01

Sgd was one of the ushers at our
wedding and to this day 1 don't know
why l ever let that human Hamburger
steak be an usher. He couldn't ush
for sour pickles. All he could do was
to put his face where 1 could see it
and let tired Nature do the rest.
And here he was again, dancing
gleefully back into our lives and glib
bering like a gink with an unbuttoned
brain.
We'll, WE'LL" sgd chortled. Isn't
this a surprise, though! John Henry
and Beaches! HERE! Looking for
an apartment, eh?"
mo, Sgd" l came back, after shak-
ing a limp mitt; mo, we were play
Tag golf up Broadway and 1 happened
to slice a ball through the ventilator;
so we came in after it,"
sgd beloved joyously: "Ha, ha!
Same old John Henry! Gee I'm glad
to see you. Want an apartment, don't
you? How high you want to go?
Not above the sixth floor" I an
swered.
"Oh, l don't mean that-how high?"
sgd asked:
We'll. not above 10th Street" !
ventured.
You don't get me- sgd com
planned Il mean the price-how
high you want to go in price?"
The Climax-Madisonian. (Richmond, Madison County, Ky.) 1914-1917, 1915-09-01

py those who cared to mention 1t at all.
The janitor was made up to look like
g sea lion, but he had the softest voice
l ever heard It sounded like the rattle
of pulverized sugar falling in a bowl Of
oatmeal
He offered us seven rooms and a
bath on the fifth floor, but when we
got up there somebody had mislaid
three of the rooms and the bath, after
hearing the janitor say so many times
what he charged for the apartment,
had shrunk to foot tub; SO we went
sadly away from there.
Then with bowed heads and hearts
from which hope was preparing to fee,
we entered coming tower through a
stained glass portfolio.
It was called The RELATIONSHIPS
cause it was good for sore eyes.
An abrupt person with a dropping
mustache met US abaft the quarter
deck and began to mention large sums
of money commencing with $4,000 a
year and going on up till he bit his
tongue.
We merely swallowed our palates
and fell back two PAGES to the rear.
When the abrupt person paused for
moment at "a duplex for $4,000 a
year" we. turned and ran like a couple
of jack rabbits on the way home to
dinner.
Two blocks away we fell under the
spell of a shack called the Ipseydooza.
A Cuban refugee met us at the door
and dared US to come in.
We were offered an apartment on
the eleventh floor which had never
The Climax-Madisonian. (Richmond, Madison County, Ky.) 1914-1917, 1915-09-01
GAY! did you ever put on your
- things and go out hunting for an
apartment on little old Manhattan

GAY! did you ever put on your
~ things and go out hunting for an
apartment on little old Manhattan
Esle2
It's Gentle Pastime-take 1t from
Uncle Hank!
It's an exercise that brings into play
all the historic unused muscles of the
pocketbook.
As you grow more familiar with the
Mysteries of the Game you see what
q fatal mistake you made in not being
born rich, and as your faltering feet
take you from one Palatial Bungalow
to another you berate the Destiny
which failed to make you hotel
clerk in Sharon, Pa, or a soda water
operator in Dawson, w. Va.
Peaches, having tired of hotel life,
began to murmur incoherently from
time to time about "a sweet little nest
of our own"
A nest, indeed! l had friend once
who built nest in an uptown apart
ment house and three months later
strange bird flew in and eloped with
his wife. So nix on the nest.
Friend wife was insistent, however,
so finally we set forth in quest of
haven of rest where we should no
longer be at the mercy of tip-sodden
walters and money-mad bell hops.
Letting go of the life line, we swan
out into the upper reaches of Broad
way in search of a Renting Agency
and were soon beyond hope of rescue.
Over there on our port bow doomed
co. oT,kr -
Webb & Spiders, and like million
other flys we fell for it.
Assuming that air of languid tndif
ference which is popularity supposed to
indicate excessive moneyed interests,
We gave the high sign to a gold-braid-
ed functionary at the entrance and
eased ourselves into the silver-pIated
cavern where they take your measure
for an apartment.
The Renting Agency of Webb &
Spider was the velvet goods-take 1t
from an eagle-eyed oRlooker! Adorn-
ing the walls were paintings the like
of which Rembrandt or Corot would
have been proud Off sufficiently in
toxicated. Mahogany and plate glass
did team work all over the shop and
the soft murmur of thrush-throated
typewriters gave an atmosphere of
refinement BETTING q place where
money is painlessly extracted.
We were wading through a carpet
with plush up to our ankles when sud-
denly appeared in our pathway one
Sydney D'Brie, the lad with a map
Ikea cow-the original. Brother OF
the OK.
No doubt you know lots of people
who always smile and look conscious
when accused of having Bovine Eyes.
but did you ever catch the fellow with
a whole face like a COW?
Sydney D'Brie is the answer. Ev-
cry time sgd looked at me l thought
of the Beef Trust and shuddered.
The Climax-Madisonian. (Richmond, Madison County, Ky.) 1914-1917, 1915-09-01
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! General News
Observation-Disclosures

Only a few years since Japan and
Russia were hostile toward each other
and in that com bat Japan licked Russia
to fragile. Today, according to re-
ports, Japan is now employing all avail
able governmental and private resources
for increasing the output of munitions
for the allies, particularly Russia.
There are $1,000 libraries in the
United States with total of $4,000, 600,
volumes or an increase of over 20, 600, 600
since 1908.
Adair county will vote this month on
$150, 900 bond issue, the amount TO be
used for good roads.
More than 1900 women have entered
exhibits at the State Fair to be held in
Louisville, September 13 is.
In the Circuit Court in Ohio county
came up for trial. Sixty four persons
are under indictment for banding to
gether for unlawful purposes
The Benz Brothers Distilling Company
located at Eminence, KY, has paid into
the national treasury the sum of 81. 900
in settlement of the Governments
claims against the concern for alleged
whisky frauds.
The Kuskokwim River, the second
largest river in Alaska, is about to be
opened to commerce in consequence of
the discovery. by Capt Lukens, of the
coast and geodetic survey, of navigable
channel in its extensive and hitherto
little known delta. The river itself is
navigable for distance OF GOO miles
| from its mouth, and is thus destined TO
make accessible a promising mining,
fishing and agricultural region.
A shortage IN meat supply will require
Germany to reduce consumption forty
per cent, says the American Association
of Commerce.
The damage to crops by the big rain
storms in Ind ana, Illinois and Nj sotr
is estimated al s25. 600, 900.
Abraham Ruef, a prominent politician,
who was serving term of 16 years in
the California penitentiary for bribery,
has been paroled.
The 5O,h anniversary of Lincoln's
Emancipation is being celebrated in
Chicago by the negroes from all parts OF
the United States.
When attacked by robber while on
her way home with a grandchild in her
arms, Mrs. w. A. Kircher, of III Web
ster street, Louisville, dropped the baby
and worsted the assailant in a hand TO
tand struggle.
Workmen repairing the road near
Hazelgreen. Ky last week killed TWEEN
ty-one copperhead snakes of the most
deadly variety The "kilf' consisted of
the mother copperhead. three feet long.
and twenty young ones. each about five
inches in length.
The Climax-Madisonian. (Richmond, Madison County, Ky.) 1914-1917, 1915-09-01
Splendid Convention.

The County Sunday School Conven-
tion, embracing the Sunday Schools and
Churches of all denominations, met In
this city last Thursday and held most
interesting session at the First Christian
Church. A large number of delegates
and visitors from all parts of the county
were preSent-in all, numbering about
three hundred. The Teachers Institute
which was being held at the time in the
lecture room of the church, adjourned
at noon for the day, and attended the
Sunday School. Convention in the after
noon. Prof J. w. Ireland, who con-
Quoted the Institute, sang a beautiful
solo at the Convention, which was
greatly enjoyed by all. Prof. Ireland Is
as fine singer as he is an institute in
structor. The program from start to
finish was both instructive and enter
tanning, and there was not dull momt
during the entire day.
The convention was called to order
promptly at 10 o'clock a. m. Devotion
al service was conducted by Mr.. G. d.
Whitley, of Whites Station. Rev. b. G.
Horton, pastor of the NJ. f. Church,
South, of this city, delivered the Ad-
dress of Welcome in his brilliant and
characteristic style. THE Sunday
School as Business Propersition. was
ably discussed by Mr.. Marshall Vaughn.
of Berea. Mr.. Leslie P. Evans, of this
city, made fine talk on What Can
the Sunday School Do For Temper
anee?' Mr.. Taylor, of Berea, at the con-
clusion of Mr.. Evans remarks, rendered
beautiful selection on the pipe organ.
A splendid address, THE Responsible
ties of Teachers, +" was delivered by Rev
K. l.. Telford. pastor of the First Pres
byterian Church, of this city. Rev. Tel
ford, concluding, the minutes, roll call
and appointment of committees was
taken up, after which the Convention
adjourned until O'Clock p m.
| The afternoon session assembled on
time, and a beautiful song service
was the first on the program, in which
the entire assembly was invited 10 take
part. Prof. J. w. Ireland charmed all
present with solo. "a Live Boy
How to Hold His Interest in The Sum
day School, was oharmingly portrayed
by Prof. II. e. Taylor, of Berea. Miss
Elizabeth Helton, of Kirksville, deeply
interested her hear, rs by very able dis
cussion of the theme, Social Features
OF Sunday School Work" The address
by Mr.. r E. Turley on the timely topic
Problems of the Mems Glass;" was
4 very able one, and he deeply impressed
all present. A beautiful organ selection
by Prof. H E. Taylor. of Berea, was
greatly enjoyed. The address of DIR:
George A Joplin. of Louisville, stirred
up much enthusiasm in the Convention
and will be longed remembered by all
who heard it. Several one minute
talks were given by a number OF dele
gates which were quite interesting. AT
ter the election OF officers the meeting
adjourned. each and all feeling that il
had infeed been day well and most
pleasantly spent.
The Climax-Madisonian. (Richmond, Madison County, Ky.) 1914-1917, 1915-09-01

Luke MeLuke Says;
When you say that some men are fat
headed fools every man in your audi
ence knows that you are talking about
the other fellow.
Some men never forget to take the
makings with them when they go out.
But they always seem to forget to take
any matches.
The girl who jars the plaster Off the
ceiling when she walks may not be
graceful. But you know that If you
marry her she won't spend a lot of
your good money buying bust devel-
oper.
Eve was about the only woman that
ever moved into new quarters and
didn't kick about the dirt left by the
women who moved out.
Shapes is shapes. That's one reason
why you never hear OF an excelsior
factory falling.
1t is funny. but 1t is fact that most
of the men who use perfect grammar
are earning $40 per week and most OF
the men who say them things" and
other bush league expressions own
their own homes and have a substan-
tial bank. account
The old fashioned woman who used
to use a whole paper of safety pins
when she was dressing now has q
daughter who wouldn't know how to
use one If she had IT.
Before marriage he imagines that II
is sentiment that makes her save his
love letters. But after marriage be
learns better.
We all pay too much for experience
You may not believe 1t. But the girl
who has beam like a battleship
doesn't eat half as much as the girl
who is built like hatpin.
1t Is funny that men do not believe
in fairies these days. although the
streets are tilled with them.
A princess is person who knows
more than her mother about everything
In the world but Kitchen work.
The Climax-Madisonian. (Richmond, Madison County, Ky.) 1914-1917, 1915-09-01

been occupied. The reason was obvi-
Gus. The walls were too close to-
gether. 1t might be a success as a
place to press autumn leaves, but not
as place to live ia unless the tenants
went through life standing up. We
therefore declined with thanks and
walked out backward, having little
faith in Cuban refugees.
Presently Peaches found pippin. 1t
was a gingerbread rookery with seven
rooms and four landlords.
H'Was called The Pepsinetta and 1t
looked the part.
There were sliding doors; hot and
cold gas in every room, and the janitor
had self-tolding arms.
The OUTLOOK provided superb view
of the uncompleted Palisades, with
blasting from 6 tc m and malaria
at all hours.
Peaches went dip about the dug-out,
and to prove that her love was recipro-
Gated the janitor pinched my gloves.
"How is the plumbing?" I asked.
Better" answered the janitor; Gin
fact, it's almost convalescent."
I suppose he thought was talking
about his Aunt Jane and let it go at
that.
Peaches ktook me by the arm and
led me through the condensed cata-
combs, pointing out the scenery to me
along the route.
This ROOM" she said, trying to step
into a dent in the wall, well fix up
as your den."
at might make a good den for a
squirrel" 1 squeaked. why, couldn't
growl,in a den like that"
"Oh! there's plenty of room,' she
cooed
That's only because it hasn't been
papered," 1 remarked, and just then
the janitor came bubbling to the sur
face. and led us to the dining room.
How cuteI" Peaches gurgled
at is cute" agreed; "but 1t looks
more like a mousetrap."
Anyway, the place pleased Peaches,
so l was game to hang up my hat
there ifsshe was.
How much?" 1 said to Charles Pep
perface, the janitor.
Three thousand" he answered with
out a tremor.
what for?" inquired blandly.
For this apartment, he cross-coun-
tered.
Three thousand dollars a year
each month in ADVANCING dogs-no
children-no tango parties-no piano
playing after II p. m.-you must deal
with the grocer, butcher, laundry and
haberdasher that suggest, and no
1 turned to look at Peaches. She
was in the elevator, gasping for breath.
Joined her in the elevator and in
the gasping.
We gasped all the way back to the
hotel.
Maybe sgd D'Brie was right about
that RUDE proposition.
Peaches and sat down by the win
dow and with the roar of Broadway in
our ears we closed our eyes and pic.
tured cozy cottage with it's green
shutters and ivy climbing up the
porch; bit of lawn where roses strug
gled with the honeysuckle for our ad
miTation.
"Tushl the real Rube has all the
best of it."
Surest thing Won knowi
The Climax-Madisonian. (Richmond, Madison County, Ky.) 1914-1917, 1915-09-01
Notice to Contractors.

The Board of Council of the City OF
Richmond. will receive bids, sealed and
in the form prescribed by specifications
on file in the Office of the Mayor and
City Engineer, for the construction OF
brick streets on Main street. from First
street to Third street, according to sur
vey, plans and specifications on file in
the Office OF the Mayor and City Engi-
neer. Said bids will be opened by the
Board of Council at its Council Chamber
in the City of Richmond at so'clock
m on Thursday, September End, 1915.
and must be delivered to W. e. Blanton,
City Clerk, at or before that hour and
date. The Board of Council reserves
the right to reject any and all bids.
Sam'l Rice. Mayor.
w. E. Blanton, City Clerk.
August 9. 1915. 32-4t
The Climax-Madisonian. (Richmond, Madison County, Ky.) 1914-1917, 1915-09-01
That Grapefruit.

When you hand lemon to an opti-
mist he will dig up little sugar and a
little whisky and a little hot water
and make himself comfortable.-CiD-
cinnati Enquirer. Noticed the remark
able growth in the ranks of the Opt
mists?-New York Evening Telegram.
But what would he do if handed a
grapefruit ?-Houston Daily Post. Hol-
Ter for sharp knife to cut the quinine
favored tape out of the center and
some powdered sugar and. maraschino
cherries. = New York Evening Tele-
gram.
Dear Luke-I am surprised that you
didn't tell the Houston Post that a
grapefruit is merely lemon that has
taken advantage of its opportunities
Mack.
The Climax-Madisonian. (Richmond, Madison County, Ky.) 1914-1917, 1915-09-01
Did You Notice Ii?

Washington-Increased production of
both gold and silver in the United States
for 1914. as compared with 1919. is
shown in statement issued by Director
of the Mint Wooley. The gold output
was 4572. 978 fine ounces, valued at
s94. s31, 800. and silver, 72,455, 100 fine
ounces. the commercial value of which
was $40, 067, ZOO.
The Climax-Madisonian. (Richmond, Madison County, Ky.) 1914-1917, 1915-09-01
Located.

What" inquiries Luke McLuke. "has
become OF the cid fashioned pink sea-
shell that used to repose on the old
fashioned whatnot?' The last time
we saw it. Luke. 1t was still reposing
on the old fashioned whatnot In the
southeast corner of the cellar.-Spring-
field Mass Union.
The Climax-Madisonian. (Richmond, Madison County, Ky.) 1914-1917, 1915-09-01

FOR SALE-302 acres and fraction
OF good, fertile, farming. bluegrass.
grazing, meadow and tobacco land on a
turnpike within few hundred yards OF
a railroad station. Well watered. good
residence. two good barns, near churches
and convenient to schools.
w. Fl. MILLER,
In Southern Natl Bank. Richmond. Ky.
21-tf
The Climax-Madisonian. (Richmond, Madison County, Ky.) 1914-1917, 1915-09-01
Bic Bond Issue

The thriving little city of Hazard,
Perry county. at special election held
on August p. voted for $4,000 bond
issue, said amount to be used for street
Improvements. There was only small
vote polled, but those who stood in favor
OF the issue were than six to one.
The bonds will run for a period of ten
years The citizens Of Hazard seem to
be full Of vim and pep, endowed with
many civic virtues. and are endeavoring
TO make Of their little city the best town
10 Eastern Kentucky. And. if pluck and
perseverance, viii do it, they viii surely
succeed.
The Climax-Madisonian. (Richmond, Madison County, Ky.) 1914-1917, 1915-09-01
The Wise Fool.

MAN was made to mourn" observed
the sage.
"That's right" replied the fool. HE
has to hustle to pay his rent. and If
he can't raise the rent he has to keep
on the move"
The Climax-Madisonian. (Richmond, Madison County, Ky.) 1914-1917, 1915-09-01
OddI

It makes me wonder as write,
1t sure is mighty strange;
Why does a man say moneys tight
When he has some loose change?
The Climax-Madisonian. (Richmond, Madison County, Ky.) 1914-1917, 1915-09-01

It is a great injustice that
Man can't pay what he owes;
But. while his income just stands pat.
His outgo grows and grows.
The Climax-Madisonian. (Richmond, Madison County, Ky.) 1914-1917, 1915-09-01
Paw Know. Evsrvth;na-

Wflie-Paw. when does a man wear
a grave expression?
Paw-When he is acting as a pail
bearer, my son.
The Climax-Madisonian. (Richmond, Madison County, Ky.) 1914-1917, 1915-09-01
QuchI

We shouldn't throw away our gold,
Nor keep our pockets sealed.
But we should try 20 be whole souled
When we know we're well heeled.
The Climax-Madisonian. (Richmond, Madison County, Ky.) 1914-1917, 1915-09-01
HuhI

Can you run typewriterP' asked
the old fogy.
81 used to think could" replied the
crouch. ''but I married one"
The Climax-Madisonian. (Richmond, Madison County, Ky.) 1914-1917, 1915-09-01

Bits Of Byplay
BY Luke McLuke
Copyright. 1915. the Cincinnati
Enquirer
Smoking.

SmokInos
''This rime may seem q silly joke"
Remarked old Mr.. Snipe,
but, IL you want stove to smoke.
Just take away its pipe"
Cincinnati Enquirer.
This rhine may seem a silly joke"
Said wise old Mother FAINT,
but II you want a boy to smoke,
Just tell him that he can't"
Newark (O.) Advocate.
The Climax-Madisonian. (Richmond, Madison County, Ky.) 1914-1917, 1915-09-01

~ HE material Of this modish walk
ing suit is lightweight wooden
goods, and the pattern is small
shepherds check in green and black.
The skirt is extremely full, with a sug-
gestion of hike in front. A border
of plain green brOadclOth finishes the
hem of the skirt and it is cut to a scant
The Climax-Madisonian. (Richmond, Madison County, Ky.) 1914-1917, 1915-09-01
For Sale Privately.

u OuIC ttVutCiy'
A nice home on Woodland avenue,
modern built and all modern improve
ments, bath room. electric light sic.
Has eight or ten rooms, buggy house and
stable. room for horse and COW. All Ia
a very desirable home. Apply to s.
Neville Moberly or N. B. Deatherage.
12-tf
The Climax-Madisonian. (Richmond, Madison County, Ky.) 1914-1917, 1915-09-01

Remember the fine China, ETC.. which
the Climax Printing Co. will sell at auc-
tion Monday Sept G. on Court Day.
Read their ad.
The Climax-Madisonian. (Richmond, Madison County, Ky.) 1914-1917, 1915-09-01
Some Nose.

Lost.-One sorreI horse mule with
white nose weighing about 700 pounds.
Warren (Ark.) Democrat-News.
The Climax-Madisonian. (Richmond, Madison County, Ky.) 1914-1917, 1915-09-01

ankle length. The trim little coat h
firmly belted and flares decidedly from
the waist. Green broadcloth serves to
trim the collar, and novel bone buttons
lend a smart detail This suit is well
planned and practical as well as stylish.
1t would also be modish in black and
white check. ANNA MAY.
The Climax-Madisonian. (Richmond, Madison County, Ky.) 1914-1917, 1915-09-01

Things to Worry About.

D. Light runs grocery store in Gin
cinnati.
The Climax-Madisonian. (Richmond, Madison County, Ky.) 1914-1917, 1915-09-01

The Siamese believe that odd mum
bers are unlucky.
The Climax-Madisonian. (Richmond, Madison County, Ky.) 1914-1917, 1915-09-01
Luke MeLuke Says:

Our Daily Special.
Hard luck loves the man who whines.
The Climax-Madisonian. (Richmond, Madison County, Ky.) 1914-1917, 1915-09-01

We guarantee them to be satisfactory
TO you. Sold only by Us, 10 cents.
Henry L. Perry.