The review. [volume] (High Point, N.C.) 1908-19??, 1915-07-15
NEWS F1I
MOVIES
(By Paul A. Stamey.)
The Darn Fool---By One.

There have been DRINKS ever since
the world began.
: The first drunkard was Adam. He
got drunk in the Garden of Eden on
the cider which he made from the
forbidden apple. King Saul used to
20 o.. some grand old anti-prohibi-
ton crusades and many times was
dropped off at the castle by the
milkman. 1t was often said that up
until the time Saul reformed he had
never seen water. except for the
semi-sober elimpses he obtained on
his frequent weekend trips across
the Sea of Galilee
Great mystery has always sur
rounded the yarn about Jonah and
the whale. But, this seems to have
been solved recently by an article
which appeared in the Chaldean
Press, wherein it was stated that
Jonah was intoxicated on the day of
the accident and that he slipped into
the mouth of the whale. The whale
being anti prohibition and seeming
the booze" swallowed Jonah and
his contents The brand of stuff con-
sumed by Jonah fermented rapidly
and the fish was compelled to dis
gorge him after three days. Though
scientists have long been puzzled
over this story, the above explana-
ton seems the most logical. and,
therefore we insert it in this stitch.
Many anthropologists also discredit
the story about the Lot family be
ing turned into pillars of salt. Some
historians declare that Mr.. and Mrs.
Lot were petrifed by lot Of booze
they had consumed in Sodom and
Gommorah. These two cities were
the wickedest in the world because
of the fact that the the waters of
the Dead Sea were so salty that ev-
erybody living along its shores &C
quired a wonderful thirst.
Many of the Palestine sporting
writer's declare in their accounts of
the contest between David and Go
Hath that the latter was unable to
stand during the stone-throwing duel,
and that he would have stood an
excellent opportunity of winning had
he not paused at a tavern on his
way to the meeting place and drank
to his own victory. This, however,
is denied in later Extra" of the
Israelian Police Gazette.
There is little doubt but what An
tony would have married Cleopatra
had he ever been sober enough to
propose. He pawned everything.
even his reputation, in order to OBJ
tain the price of a drink lndistinct |
records disclose that he spent sixty |
days on the Blackwell Island of the
Red Sea for getting mixed up in a
street brawl.
But, the greatest souse' of al
history, according to the secret reel
ord recently unearthed during the
building of the new subway in New
York, was Nero. He was "soused'
to the "gills" half of his life. and just
plain drunk the other half He drank
so much that the biggest revenue
the government received came from
the tax he paid ON his own con-
sumption of the fluid He was drunk
while Rome was burning, and fid-
died until his throat became parched
with the heat Then he called for
another drink. Even the Kelley
cure couldn't cure him, tor he was
a dyed in the wool. up to his neck
"sonse."
You are going to ask. what all this
has to do with Billie Richie. Just
listen! Billie Richie is the greatest |
drunkard that ever billed his feature
pleasure on the tip of his nose. He's
been drunk 5000 times His life,
since he was eighteen years old, has
been one long drunk But, he has
never tasted strong drink since he
forsook swaddling clothes. He don't
know what relation an Egg Noge is
to a Cherry Flip, or whether a Gin
Fizz is made of pulled rice and
moth balls or grows ON trees in At
rican jungles.
He admits this, and his spouse
backs up his evidence That's proof
enough, for. if there is anyone who
knows all the inside dope about a
man, it's the husbands wife
Whether Billie inherits this drunk
en- soberness from lemon settlers or
from the long list of ginks hereto
fore recorded in this story, is some
thing yet unsolved, owing to the fact
that Billie has never shined up his
family tree. But, despite the fact it
is usually cold in Alaska, it is al
ways warm in Chile And, so, be-