davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1915-02-08
BILL COCKROACH

BILL COCkROACH
Bill Cockroach has, of course.
no authority outside the court
house, but there are some things
the bug cannot overlook. For In
stance, this one. (Overheard):
my girl is taking sewing ut
the high school. Last week she
came home with dress which
she had made and which the
teacher had marked perfectly
done. My wife happens to be a
dressmaker. She looked over the
dress and found that one sleeve
had been put In wrong end up"
(which is to say"
Bill never finished the SEN
tence. When he recovered con-
seriousness he was lying ON his
back in a dusty corner.
SUBMARINE?
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1915-02-08

Clarence Summerville,
who writes all the stuff
about the Melbourns theater
that you see printed in Ia
coma papers, came in Satur-
day with a column or so just
after the last white edition
had gone to press. TOO late
for this edition." we told
him, "but we'll get 1t In The
Pink" Clarence doesn't hear
well at times and said:
"What?"
"In The Pink" we repeat
ed.
What Pink" he asked.
"The Pink edition-print-
ed on pink paper!" we shout
ed.
"Ah, never mind" said
Clarence. Don't go to all
that trouble. / would just
as soon have it on white
paper
And they are killing peo-
pie in Belgium for less than
that.
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1915-02-08
They'll Qualify

There has been organized in San Diego 'The
Brotherhood of the fractured Birdmen" by Lincoln
Beachey and other veteran aviators.
Membership qualifications require that the app-
cant must be licensed aviator and must have brok
en bone while pursuing his vocation.
We wish to respectfully suggest to the B. o. f. b.
that Uncle Sans birdmen be exempt from the latter
clause.
Considering the antiquated aircraft now in use by
our army aviators qualification along the line thus
Indicated may safely be assumed
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1915-02-08
SOB THE ONETH

SOB THE ONETH
Times have changed somewhat OF
late.
I'm as happy as can be.
/ can take joyride, great
For a nickel in a jitney.
SOB THE SECOND
When I used to take my girl for
spin
1t put me in an awful pickle.
I had to dig three dollars then,
But now l do it for a nickel.
THE DEATH GURGLE
l used to take a street car home,
But couldn't find place to sit.
But you can gather from this
That l travel in a jit.
CORRESPONDENCE
why not" postcards J. M. B.,
"give these Mexican presidents a
serial number SO we can keep
track of them?"
Dear Selah: When an auto
runs fast does 1t become tired?-
Buddie Lesson.
Ans: No. An auto is tired be-
fore 1t runs fast. After 1t runs
fast a while it is retired.
Harvard Is talking about rails
ing its tuition. Anything that will
make Harvard more difficult to
enter will likely please the young
chaps who are working their way
through school.
We noticed that Russ Zwicki
over at the Olympic club chewe
peerless.
A COUPLE OF YOUNG ALBUMS
Roy Clinkingbeard of Ashland
and Miss Gussie Clatterbuck OF
New Bloomfield, were married
Sunday at the home of the brides
| grandparents. Fulton (Mo.
Sun.
Mother, may go now &c
| school?"
"You may, my darling daugh'
ter.
Hang your ising-glass waist or
the bureau, dear,
With those Transparent hose
bought yer"
SELAH!
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1915-02-08
OBSERV ATOMS.

Chicago detective retired his
Wouldn't IL
ask him where policemen
honest!
Psineif N J committed suicide when his four hens
Considering hardly
blame
II u Legitimate kick against
grandfather OF O
Jim Watson has republican presidential
timber, two three of whom know by
You always tell by the
have run into it while avoiding crowd.
The price of beer be advanced Berlin; which
sign of the of the
o
usually Treasurer
Brittania's title evidently = only
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1915-02-08
EVIDENT TRUTH

A quack doctor was holding
forth about his medicines" to a
rural audience.
Yes, gentlemen" he said, 81
have sold these pills for over
twenty-five years and never heard
a word OF complaint. Now what
does that proven"
From voice in the crowd
came: That dead men tell no
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1915-02-08
FRIVOLOUS REMARK

A number of clergymen were
discussing the character of q ven-
cradle woman whom they esteem
ed to be wise In her generation
but a young man who was present
said it struck him that she show
ed great lack of wisdom in one
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1915-02-08
JUST BICKAR

JUST BICKAR
The cook Of sanity young vicar
Was strongly addicted to licar;
When she washed down the
stoop
With some mock-turtle soup,
He really was tempted to kicar.
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1915-02-08
A WORD FROM JOSH WISE

"What with lein'
sui-feited with Soy
Bean. our village
cut-up, and moyin'
picter comedy reels,
Beeleysport is In a
mood ter gratefully
appreciate u good,
wholesome, old
fashioned funeral"
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1915-02-08

respect. -
What Is that, pray?" inquired
an elderly gentleman. "
Why" said the young man,
"she always puts out her tubs to
catch soft water when 1t is rain
ing hard" sti
And silence fell upon the as
sembly. 39n
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1915-02-08
A STRONG HINT

What do you think. Miss Che
mile, a friend of mine got a g.
karat diamond ring for only $50"
why don't you look out for a
bargain like that, Mr.. Slowguy?"
And presently 1t dawned upon
him that the remark was going
to cost him money.
The Lakeland evening telegram. (Lakeland, Fla.) 1911-1922, 1915-08-28
STILL TRYING TO RECALL
MAYOR AND COUNCILMAN

Bradentown, Aug 2S.-Mayor
Rirney and the City Council will
make answer in the Circuit Court on
Saturday as required in the alterna-
tive writ issued by Judge Rhodes.
of Tampa, in the mandamus proceed
ings instituted by citizens to COM
rel the council to order special
election on the question of recall OF
the mayor and Councilman John A
Graham; and on the recall of the or
dinance providing for tax levy in
Bradentown for the current year.
City Attorney j. B. Singletary
stated that answer would be filed in
behalf of the defendants at the ap-
propriate time, and that advantage
would be taken of every possible
point of law in their favor.
The council in refusing to act on
the petitions filed up a contention
that the council had a right to re-
ouire signers to come to the office oi
the city clerk to verify their sigma
lures.
Reliance will be made on this con-
tention in court and question may
be raised in regard to whether ths
legal number of names were signed
to all petitions.
The Lakeland evening telegram. (Lakeland, Fla.) 1911-1922, 1915-08-28
RUSSIANS REFUSE TO TALK
PEACE; ARE ENTRENCH|NC::
LONDON ASSERTS WILSON HAS
WON DIPLOMATIC VICTORY.
THOUSANDS RETURN TO
LATIN QUARTER IN PARIS
(By Associated Press. !

Paris, Aug. 27.-In the Latin
Quarter" of Paris the return of some
thousands Of soldiers on leave of alb
sence from the front has been like
the day of judgment in a cemetery.
From mournful desertion, the
streets, the cafes, the restaurants
have taken on new life. Little mid
inettes" and artists models have
crept down from their attic rooms in
their improvised finery of Sundays
and holidays, and proudly leaning
on the arms of their student-soldier
sweethearts, parade the Luxembourg
Gardens and the streets of Montpar-
nasse in radiant joy for the first
time in year.
For here, in the heart of the Lat,
in Quarter, great part of the pop
ulation has always consisted of stu
dents in the various art schools, in
the ancient university of the Sor-
bonne, in the schools Of medicine,
law and engineering and in the col
lege of France. With the outbreak
of war it was as if great plague
had swept over the Quarter Almost
no men were left
Now all is alive again in the
Quarter. Tables in front of the
cafes stretch out to the very legal
limit of the awnines and beyond. In
front of the cafes, in the parks. but
especially on the trans and trains
bound countryward, gay parties of
artists in earth-stained regimentals
and models in their bravest best.
&C lebrate the respite from fighting
that the war department has grant
| ed There is something odd in the
sight of a young soldier, girl on
his arm and paint-bOX instead of
a knapsack strapped on his back. of
for day at the joyous work of crea.
tion. after so many months of the
grim work of death.
The Lakeland evening telegram. (Lakeland, Fla.) 1911-1922, 1915-08-28
STOCK EXCHANGE BATTALION
IN SIGHT OF THE TRENCHES
(By Associated Press. \

British Army Headquarters in
France, Aug. 2S. I'VE are in sight
OF the trenches at last" said a pri.,
vate in what is known as the Stock
Exchange battalion of one OF the
regiments of the New British army.
"It's been long pull in hard mar
ket. But we never missed getting
our shilling a day and our wives
have got their separation allowances
regularly "
There are privates in the Stock
Exchange Battalion who have names
well known in the world of finance
Some of them have subscribed for
tunes to the latest war loan.
"At home ] have three bathrooms
In my house and sixteen bedrooms.
said one. '+Out here I am glad to
stand up in line with a towel over
my shoulder and take my turn with
the wash basin As for sleeping on
straw in barn. 1t is paradise after
hard march. | suppose we will get
these other things, too. like every
body else does in the trenches. :"
Bound to, though you have ten
thousand year" remarked anoth-
er. Maybe you have one in your
shirt, now"
What interests us, said a divi-
sional staff officer, 'is not that they
are Stock Exchange men. but are
they good soldiers?"
Many speak German as a result
Of international financial relations
at would be odd" said one, "if
should be shooting at Kaufman
who is on the Berlin Exchange. We
went to school together in Ger
many"
Not all in the Stock Exchange
battalion are aff1uent or members
of the Exchange. but all were re-
cruited from the Stock Exchange
district. AS they march along a
road in France. laden with dust, the
twenty-five dollars week clerk and
the big broker are elbow to elbow
The Lakeland evening telegram. (Lakeland, Fla.) 1911-1922, 1915-08-28
FLORIDA BANKER DIES

Pensacola, Aug. 2S-News has
been received here of the death In
Mobile of S. ]. Harvey. of Milton,
president of the First National Bank
of that city. Mr.. Harvey was in
Pensacola Sunday, apparently hav"
ing recovered from liver and kidney
ailments for which he had been re-
Gently operated upon. He suddenly
took sick and was hastened to Mo-
bile.
Mr.. Harvey was native of Ire
land, and prior to going to Milton to
become president of the First Ma
tional Bank he was resident OF
Pensacola for FIVE or six years.
During recent years his bank had
the distinctin of declaring the larg
est dividends declared by any bank
ing house in the United States.
The Lakeland evening telegram. (Lakeland, Fla.) 1911-1922, 1915-08-28
100000 MORE
Russians CALLED
RUSSIANS REFUSE TO TALK OF
PEACE AS LONG AS ONE GER
MAN SOLDIER REMAINS ON
RUSSIAN SOIL
(By Associated Press.)

London, Aug. 2S.-A vigorous
denial that the Russian government
has any thought Of making a sepa
rate peace has been made by the Pc
|trograd foreign and war ministers.
Specials from Petrograd state that
the Russians are about to dig them
selves in. Petrograd military writ
ers are of the opinion that the Ger
man turning movemmt in Courland d
Twill not seriously threaten the cap
|ital this fall. The Germans appar-
emily have made no progress in their
efforts to secure control of the Bal
bic coast. The latest news, however,
Indicates Germans haven't given up
the idea of naval cooperation to this
End. Berlin reports that warships
fombarded Dagopland, commanding
the entrance to Finland gulf.
The Russian foreign minister,
Eazonoff declares emphatically that
(here is no disagreement among the
hllied commanders and there can be
bo peace while German soldiers re-
main on Russian soil.
There is great interest here in
Washington reports of the German
american negotiations in the Arabic
base. Most newspapers consider that
President Wilson won a diplomatic
uccess, the effect of which will be
homentous on submarine warfare.
Four thousand more miners have
oined the Welsh coal strike. Tho
pdvisability Of the government TAX
ing over the mines is again dis
fussed.
Hostilities have been resumed by
Austrians on the Montenegrin front,
recording to announcement of the
Montenegrin consul general at Paris.
The Austrians were repulsed near
Cattaro gulf.
A Rome dispatch says the ltal-
ans are making slow, but constant
progress toward Triest and Trent.
The German admiralty denies tha.
submarine was sunk by an aviator
Pff Ostend. 1t says the vessel was
pot hit. Turkish reports claim that
he allied attacks on Gallipoli pen
nsula were repulsed.
The Lakeland evening telegram. (Lakeland, Fla.) 1911-1922, 1915-08-28
PREPARING FOR FARMERS
DAY AT GAINESVILLE

Tampa, Aug. 2S. Lectures on
diversified farming for citrus grow
crs will mark the celebration of
Farmers Day" at the sixth annual
meeting OF the Citrus Seminar
which will be held at Gainesville on
Oct. 5 to s, inclusive. Farmers
Day the second Friday in October,
las been set aside by the Florida
legislature as legal holiday. 1t
falls on the last day of the Citrus
Seminar
B. F.. Boyd. of the Florida Exper-
iment Station who is framing the
program, expects at least 200 out-os
town visitors to attend the meeting.
The sessions will resemble the meet
ings of the Florida Horticultural So
ciety, except that the subjects will
Re handled in technical manner. :.
The College of Agriculture. the Ex-
pertinent Station and the United
States Department of Agriculture
will send speakers They will dis
cuss all phases of citrus culture. in
cluding citrus diseases and pests
market conditions. Irregularities
picking and packing.
Mr.. Boyd's specially is treatment
Of citrus diseases not caused by or
sanisms and study of the pathOlo
gical effects of fertilization He Wis
fled several groves in this section
The Lakeland evening telegram. (Lakeland, Fla.) 1911-1922, 1915-08-28
ST. AUGUSTINE LIKES
COMMISSION. MANAGER
FORM OF GOVERNMENT

St. Augustine, Aug 2S-Gradually
the new city administration is work
ing the commission manager charte:
into effect for st. Augustine and
during the period of REORGANIZATION,
a vast amount of work is involved
and naturally some of the people are
AS vet uncertain as to the ultimate
results, especially as regards the
work of compiling the assessment
roll under full valuations as requlr-
ed by the new charter.
II should be and is generally un-
derstood that by bringing the pro?-
erty values up to a valid amount to
the assessment duplicates, it will en-
able the administration to reduce
the tax levy, accordingly, so there
will he no injustice to anyone; on
the contrary this system of equaliza
tion will insure fair play for every
rronerty owner. as regards the pay
ment of city taxes.
City Auditor and Clerk oldfather
as tax assessor, is now busy pre-
paring for the preliminary assess
ment roll and he reports that taS
returns are commencing to come In
N his office regularly. This matter
of preparing the first tax assessment
roll under the new charter is on'
of the mostimportans which VIII
shortly confront the new admihi'
tration.
CITY Manager Miller is busy VIII
,be preliminary stepsnecessary De
foremaking up to the budget 10 D
decided upon for the coming year
with which to operate the CIT! "
all of its departments. In TINS Pre-
Iiminary WORK he will begiven as
sistance in making up the estimate
bv the heads of the different depart
ments.
The Lakeland evening telegram. (Lakeland, Fla.) 1911-1922, 1915-08-28

without resistance. A large meas
ure of responsibility must however,
attach to the great mass of citizens.
but until the workers themselves
realize their responsibility and
utilize to their collective power, NJ
action whether governmental or al
truistic can work any genuine and
lasting improvement.
1--WE call upon our citizenship re-
gardless of politics or economic
conditions to use every means OF
agitation. all avenues of education
and every department and function
of government to eliminate the in
justices exposed by this committee
tc the end that each laborer may
secure the whole product of his
labor"
The Lakeland evening telegram. (Lakeland, Fla.) 1911-1922, 1915-08-28

and the observer can not tell one
from the other.
There is another battalion COM
posed of artists, architects, musi-
clans, and men of kindred callings.
Many officers have been promoted
both from the ranks of Artists
Rifles and the Stock Exchange Bat
talon Then there are battalions of
miners, sportsmen and companies
from the same factory and groups
of friends who enlisted in a body in
order to be together during the cam
paign.
Officers who have been in the
fighting since the retreat from Mons
are saying that the new army Is
changing the whole face of life at
the front.
The Lakeland evening telegram. (Lakeland, Fla.) 1911-1922, 1915-08-28
WALSH'S REPORT
ON CONDITIONS
MADE PUBLIC
RESPONSIBILITY FOR SUCH A
STATE OF AFFAIRS RESTS
WITH THE w0RKMEN, DE.
CLARES WALSH
(By Associated Press. }

Kansas City, Mo-. Aug. 2S-Low
wages was found to be the basic
cause of industrial unrest, in the
report which FrankP. Walsh, chair
man of the Federay Commission on
Industrial Relations and the labor
members Of that body will present
to congress as a result of the COM
missions two year investigation
into the subject.
The report. embodying the person
al findings of Mr.. Walsh and con-
Cured in by Commissioners John B.
Lennon. James OConnell and Aus
tin b. Garretson, was made public
here today.
1.-THE workers of the nation,
through compulsory and oppressive
methods, legal and illegal, are de-
MED thefull product OF their toll,
1t was declared in the report, and
the resulting industrial dissatisfac-
tion was said to have reached pro
portions that already menace the So
cial good will and the peace of the
nation" Responsibility for the
condition under which they live was
placed primarily upon the workers
themselves, who blind to their col
lective strength and often times
deaf to the cries of their followers
have suffered exploitation and the
invasion of their most sacred right:
without resistance"
The report in part follows:
I'VE find the basois of industria
dissatisfaction to be low wages, OF
stated another way, the fact that
the workers of the nation through
compulsory and oppressive methods
legal and illegal, are denied the full
productof their toll.
I'VE find the basis of industria
among the workers in industry ha
grown to proportions that alread.
menace the social good will and tn
peace of the nation. Citizens mum
bering millions smart under sens
OF injustice and oppression.
..The extent and depth of indus
trial unrest can hardly be exagger
lated. State and national conven
tions of labor organizations, mum
herring many thousands of member
have cheered the names of leader
i'm prisoned for participation. in
campaign of violence, conduct as on
nhase of a conflict with organize
employers.
employers have created an
maintained small private armies an
used these forces to intimidate an
suppress their striking employees b
, deporting, imprisoning, assaultin
and killing their leaders. Elabol
ate spy systems are maintained
discover and forestall the move
ments of the enemy. The use
: state troops in policing strike hs
, bred a bitter hostility to the militl
, system.
II Courts, legislatures and goyel
nors have been rightly accused
: serving employers to the defeat
: iustice, and while counter charge
come from the employers and the
AGENTS. with almost negligible e.
The Lakeland evening telegram. (Lakeland, Fla.) 1911-1922, 1915-08-28
JAPS TO HAVE NEW
TEACHING REGULATIONS
(By Associated Press.


Karuizawa. Japan, Aug. 27-The
several hundred American mission
aries from Japan, Korea and even
from China who spend their summer
in the mountains of Karuizawa, are
eagerly discussing the new educa-
tion regulations in Korea as a re-
suit OF which the teaching of re-
ligion is to be barred eventually
from the schools.
In the opinion Of DR.. J. E. Adams.
executive secretary of six large fed.
Grated missions In Korea. the regL-
lations may lead to a complete sup
preston Of all Christian schools III
that country. DR.. Adams explained
that the executive committee Of
these missions has decided that as
far as possible 1t would conform at
once to the new ordinances. How
ever. 1t had informed the education
al department of Korea that the
Christian schools intended to avail
themselves of the ten years Of grace
allowed by the regulations and to
continue theteaching OF religion
during that period. The mission
airy added:
After that we see no way out
of the problem but an abandonment
Of our schools. This will be de-
plorable from thestandpoint Of edu-
cation alone because the Govern
ment schools are not sufficient to
meet the demand"
The new program, he continued.
acknowledgement at the nationali-
zation Of Korean youth more pri-
marily than at educational breadth.
In other words. the first object, as
Governor-General Terauchi himself
said. was to make good Japanese
citizens of Koreans.
But" continued Dr. Adams, "the
administration seems not entirely
free from their obsession that the
missionary body is opposed to them,
when, as a matter of fact, we con-
slider that we are one of the most
efficient co-adjutors in the ends they
are seeking. They seek to build up
national strength through ma
terial means; we aim to build up
the spiritual life, which, we be-
lieve, is the strongest motive avail
ablein securing the discharge of a
mans entire moral obligations. We
teach that the morals of the people
are the strength of the nation"
Other missionaries here have been
informed by Japanese authorities
that the fundamental policy of the
japanese Empire is that with re-
gard to religious faith the state
shall not impose it's will on its sub
jects in any manner whatsoever. It
Is merely in pursuance of that pol
Icy that the acknowledgement de-
cided that Korean youths should be
left free to acquire a general edu-
cation without any religious imposi-
tion and decided that this could only
bedone by separating religious
teaching from general education
However, the authorities have al.
: lowed it to be understood that later
on in years when education in Kores
has made the progress that it ha!
made in Japan some modification o.
the present regulations may b'
authorized.
The Lakeland evening telegram. (Lakeland, Fla.) 1911-1922, 1915-08-28
.0RTANT MEET OF
STATE HEALTH BOAkD

Palatka, Aug. 2S.-Chairman r.
J. Fearnside, of the State Board
1 Health, has called a meeting OF
Faat board to be held in Jacksen-
lile on Aug. 80, the purpose of the
Peeting being to formulate rules
[eo POPULATIONS for the enforcement
certain acts of the last legisla-
.a'e Among these is that providing
i~ an inspection of the pupils OF
ae public schools of the State rela-
~ to their physical fitness.
The Lakeland evening telegram. (Lakeland, Fla.) 1911-1922, 1915-08-28
MARIETTA SENDS
{;SIlI SSARASffRs SR$i'|S% Away
(By Associated Press.

Marietta, Ga, Aug. 2S.-Eight
men, whose actions aroused suspic-
ions of the citizens here. and who
didn't give satisfactory explanations
of their presence. were rounded up
last night and placed in box car
and sent away. Five others were
warned out of town. Since the Frank
lynching several others have been
warned to leave. All appeared to be
laborers looking for work, but the
police thought they didn't make any
serious effort to find work.
The Lakeland evening telegram. (Lakeland, Fla.) 1911-1922, 1915-08-28
Russian Defense Line Ready
tBy Associated Press.)

London, Aug. 2S.-A Petrograa
spatch in today's Mail says that
ne Russians new defense line Is
bout ready for occupancy. The Ger
an advance has been led along
frtain channels by outbursts OF
nsian offensive in which the Rus
an losses have not been severe.
hree million more men called 10
Russian colors for training.