The Colorado statesman., 1915-01-30
THE SCENERY SPECIAL
BY AUGUST WHITFIELD.
tCopYright.l

mind me of an actress who has been
robbed of her glittering glassware. You
never heard of anyone doing much
on the proceeds of historic highway
ing, and the man who attempts to hold
up modern express train may get
away with the goods, but eventually
the sheriff puts him on his visiting
list
Right you are" replied the pug
nosed brakeman. ut takes nerve to
hold up a train, but it takes more than
nerve to pull the trick off successfully
and retire on the proceeds. The men
who possess all the qualifications req
uisite for such jobs generally land a
sinecure behind the frosted-glass par
tition.'
Now you're talking classical Eng
lish," commented Monk, and ex-
pressing clarified Thought in capsule
form. l never knew but one man to
pull off a holdup successfully, and
then obliterate himself from the sur
roundings.
1T happened down South, where at
one time the railroads were noted for
impossible to miss a train. All you
had to do, if your train had left the
station, was to follow it on foot, and
you couldn't miss it unless you over
looked it or mistook its creeping for
the inertia of side-tracked section" )"
Yes" commented the pug-nosed
brakeman, Il knew of a man down
there who brought suit against the S.
l.. o. road to recover for damages sus-
tanned in humping into the rear end of
the moonlight limited while walking
along the track.
"The company tried to non-suit him
by bringing a counter-charge of tres
pass; but his lawyer threatened to at
tack the validity of their charter on
the ground that they could not prove
that they were running trains, and
they withdrew their charge.
THE plaintiff won his suit, and the
company was ordered to upholster the
rear end of their trains to prevent a
repetition of such accidents"
We'll, to get back to the holdup,"
said Monk, Il was touring the South,
some years back, and at this partic-
ular time my objective point was
Boonville. AS / had lots of leisure,
decided to make the trip by rail.
Il caught up to a freight bound for
that point, and, sauntering up to it,
| swung myself aboard the caboose and
| proceeded to accord myself with a cor
dial welcome. l took possession of
the lower bunk without waiting for
tO
In the land of dreams.
Il was awakened by the crew, who
had come back to see if the rear end
was all right. He asked me what the
Stonewal Jackson / meant by intrud
ing, and volunteered to punch my
ticket or my head without fear OF
favor
Il hypnotized him by making a few
occult passes, and he extended me the
cordial entente. 1t was pretty good
stuff, even though it was tax free and
did not bear the pure-food guaranty
IF you will pardon the Interrupt
tion," said the pug-nosed brakeman
Il want to pay tribute to the railroads
Of the South. The southern spirit OF
hospitality is not dead, and the Ches
terfields of the rail will give you the
| glad welcome or the G.. b. with all the
| grace born Of heredity and long prac
lice. They will fire you from a train
IN such courtly manner that you feel
like apologizing for giving them the
trouble
Your prognostication comedies with
my observation" commented Monk
This Chesterfield of the caboose
told me we were approaching Hog
mountain, a moonshipers' stronghold
noted for it's reluctance to contribute
to the revenues of the government
and for the weirdness and grandeur
Of its scenery.
He said he had to go back to the
engine and tend to his fire, and he ad-
vised me to take a seat in the observa-
tory of the caboose and enjoy the
| phantasorama.
81 took his advice, and found that
we were travelling up into the noun
tain, and that the scenery was all that
| he claimed for it. / was taking in
the scape, when l noticed a tall noun.
taineer making his way down a rugged
path toward us.
"He carried a long rife, and was
accompanied by lean, lanky coon
dog. He reached the railroad track
just as we passed, and, spying me
looking out the observatory window
like a blooming Juliet securing the
horizon for dilatory Romeo. he point
ed his rifle at me and commanded:
You-all throw up your hands!'
81 looked at him in amazement, but
lost no time in doing the upward Del
Barte movement
"'Say you moth-eaten mountaineer
1 shouted. what's the answer to the
riddle you're propounding? Have !
unconsciously butted into a Hatfield.