davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Evening star., 1915-05-16

"Look here!' he demanded. "Why
couldn't you answer that fellow civil
question:"
"You tn th-think, demanded the hither-
to silent one, "that | w-w-wanted to g-g-get
my head kn-kn-kn-knocked Off"
THEN there are the stories of that fa-
nous wit, the late William II. Travers,
whose slight impediment of speech appears
to have been rather an establishment
than a handicap.
One evening, returning from his office,
he stepped into store devoted to the sale
of animal pets and his attention being
attracted by one of the parrots, he asked,
"C-c-can it t-t-talk?"
"Talk!' retorted the injudicious shop
keeper. "If he couldn't talk any better
than you can, I'd wiring his neck!'
Travers showed no resentment; but he
made mental note that here was an in
stance demanding punishment.
Some weeks later his coachman re-
ported the barn overrun with rats. Tray
ers advertised widely for good rat dog,
and among the many who yearned to
supply his need, his friend the parrot man
came also.
"All right" directed Travers, "bring
your d-d-dog up tomorrow morning and
we'll t-t-try him out
When next morning the dog was dumped
into an oatbin containing three llsty rats
he was frightened half to death; but
finally, urged on by his owner and the cour-
age of mortal terror, he attacked and killed
one of the rats, and then, lashed on to fur
ther endeavors, he conquered the second
but his fight with the third was draw.
Meanwhile the dogs owner had been
urging Travers to buy the dog.
Travers. however, having watched the
conflict with solemn interest, shook his
head. "N-n-n-no,' he replied. Al
w-w-wont b-buy your d-d-dog. I'd
b-b-buy the rat
ON another occasion Travers was coach
ing in the White Mountains, when
more than usually attractive woman
stepped into the coach and east about in
vain for vacant place. Travers, who
was holding his six-year-old son in his lap,
looked at him with sudden, shocked re-
proachfulness.
"B-b-boy!' he exclaimed. "W-where's
your nl-m-mannefS. -Wny u-Q-QOn
you get up and offer the l-l-lady seat?"
ONE of the best suffering stories APP
peared years ago in llarper's Maga-
zine 1t related that in the same city
lived two men, the one afflicted with
distressing stammer and the other con-
firmed joker. One morning the Joker
met the stammerer hurryng down the
street.
"Where are you going?' he demanded.
"Im g-g-going,' gurgled his friend, "to
P-P-Perkins', to g-get some t-t-tacks."
A brilliant idea flashed on the joker's
mind He tore through back alleys, out
ran his acquaintance, and appeared
breathless before the astonished Perkins
slave you g-g-g-got any t-t-t-tacks?"
he painted.
"Yes. Sir answered the storekeeper
"W-W-W-Well,' he chortled, "then
s-s-s-s-sit on 'em!"
Hardly had he lodged out Of the door
when the real purchaser entered and con-
fronted the ruffled merchant. inquiring:
slave you g-g-got any t-t-t-t-tacks?'
And the expected happened He was
Of course thrown bodily into the street.
Evening star., 1915-05-16
SUNDAY MAGAZINE FOR MAY 10, 1915
Fun with Sufferers
By FREDERICK HALL

NI1ENE are no JOKES at tne expense
of blind men, hunchbacks, cripples,
or paralytics; and the brutal retort
flung at poor Alexander Pope, "An inter-
rogation point is little crooked thing
that asks questions, is merely the ex-
ception. But when one comes to such
minor feshly Affections as lisping and
stammering, then the humorist enters and
possesses the land. Even kindly Ben
King wrote three poems in suffering dia-
lect.
"If Could Be by Her" is an old fa-
vorite with the "yellowcutionist,' and it
takes poor rendering indeed not to elicit
applause; though, strangely enough, the
average reader omits the most significant
element, which clearly appears in such
lines as:
| don't care if the p-p-people s-s-say
AT I'm w-w-weak-minded every w-w-way,
An n-n-neyer had no cuh-cuh-common-
sense,
Id c-c-cuh-clmb the highest p-p-picket
fence if l could b-b-be by her.
This is the same sort of pathos that Ben
King burlesques in "She Does Not Hear
which begins lugubriously:
Sh-sh-sh-shc does not hear the r-r-robn
Nor f-f-feel the b-b-balmy b-b-breath of
spring,
and ends with the jolt:
No t-t-tongue can m-m-mock, no words
embarrass,
Her, b-b-by g-g-g-gosh! She's p-p-plaster
paris!
The third poem, entitled "Paraphrase,
has moral, and might bear the subtitle,
"An ldyl of Preoccupation, since it re-
counts how Opportunity came to the
hero's door and knocked with sledge:
only to hear him answer:
have to s-s-stack the hay
SAMUEL L. CLEMENS used to relate
= on the lecture platform comedy of
courtship that might well have served
to illustrate his dictum that there are
three kinds of funny stories,-the witty
story, which is French; the comic story,
which is English; and the humorous story,
which is American. and that the latter is
the only hard kind to tell. He recounted
how a young swain was rejected simply
because of his embarrassing impediment
of Speech and how friend counseed his
taking the whistling cure: whenever he
felt disposition to stutter. just whistle.
He tried it, and with such surprising sue
cess that in very few weeks he sought
his lady to announce his complete recov-
cry. Unfortunately the excitement of the
occasion proved too much, and those who
have heard Mark Twain will recall how
he would stand trembling on the platform,
earnestly suffering out of one side of his
mouth and conscientiously whistling out
of the other, until his audience fairly
groveled in mirth.
MOST suffering stories are of an ex-
- tremely simple type. Take that of the
man who after three helpless minutes at
the window Of railway ticket Office
blurted out that he wanted to go by
| freight, because, as he explained, al
c-c-can't ex-p-press myself"
MORE complex is the incident of the
- man who stopped a stranger on a city
street. inquiring, "Ex-c-c-cuse me. b-b-but
c-can you d-d-direct me to the S-S-Smith
School flor St-St-Stammerers?'
"C-C-C-Certainly, replied the native.
"R-r-r-right a-r-r-round the c-c-c-corner.
I'm gr-gr-gr-gr-gr-graduat my-myself.'
Evening star., 1915-05-16
A Million
Corns
Went Last Month

Last month. a million corns
were ended in this easy, simple
way. And every month million
more GO like them.
To each corn was applied
little Blue-jay plaster. In every
case the corn pain ended there.
Then the wax in the plaster
the B & B wax-gently freed the
corn. In 48 hours nearly every
corn came out, without any pain
or soreness. A few stubborn
corns required another plaster.
That's the story of some
seventy million corns ended by
this invention. 1t will be the story
Of your corns in 48 hours if you
treat them in this scientific way.
Your friends will testify to that.
If you don't do this, in all
probability, those corns will stay
for years.
Evening star., 1915-05-16
Anita's Seat

A man gave his seat to Anita.
Who thought as he slowly did seat her,
Il guess this is poor!
Men are changing I'm sure
Till she found she was over the heater.
St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1915-12-22
Looting Should Be Stopped.

The Congressional Record of Deem
Der IA contains a record of the intro
duction in the House of Representa-.
tives of 926 private bills and resolu-
tons almost all of which are for
granting a pension or an increase in
pension to that number of individuals.
On December 1 5 there were 268 more
measures of this nature. We are glad
to note the absence of a single meas
ure of this nature by a Vermont con-
gresham. We believe every bill of
this nature at this late day is a fraud
upon the government and that every
man who introduces such a measure
is attempting a raid on the nations
finances. 1t would seem as though
the time had arrived for Congress to
declare its opposition to a continuance
of the practice of giving any pensions
except those authorized by general
law. We should not assume this po-
sition if we believed there is a Union
veteran living who has not been grant
ed full justice by the government. But
we do not believe there is and that the
government is seriously hindered in
the assumption of legitimate under
takings by the disgraceful footing of
the treasury in behalf of alleged vet
Grams or their widows.
St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1915-12-22

Phelps and Ide have won a prominence
that should satisfy the most ambitious
and the opportunity for Vermonters of
today to win equal prominence is still
open Any Vermonter with the ability
and perseverance can achieve much in
professional or political life
So 1 look upon Vermont as state
with the natural wealth to support a
good population of substantial and
honorable citizens. opportunities for
the profitable investment of large cap
ital, demands for a social service that
will aid in the solution of national
problems and rewards sufficient for
the labor 1 would see the manhood
and womanhood of Vermont devoted
to it's work, improving it's opportuni,
ties and bringing their state to the
front. For myself it will be a salts
factory attainment to win the honest
of "a true vermonter"
St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1915-12-22
vermonters Well Placed.

In the assignments of committees in
the new Congress the Vermont mem
bers have the following appointments:
Senator Dillingham;, member the
committee on appropriations, District
of Columbia, expenditures in navy de-
partment, immigration, judiciary and
privileges and elections, and is chair
man of the committee on university of
the United States.
Senator Page, chairman Of the COM
mittee on transportation and member
of the committees on agriculture and
forestry, banking and currency, inter
oceanic canals, naval affairs and print
ing.
Congressman Greene, member of
on military affairs.
Congressman Dale, member of com.
mittee on reform in the civil service
and member of committee on the irri-
cation of arid lands.
Each member from Vermont is on
a committee that calls for a large vol
ume of work of an important nature
St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1915-12-22
Thanks, A Responsibility.

The st. Johnsbury Caledonian has
shown greater improvement in the
past two years than any other news
paper in Vermont 1t leads all the
weeklies in special features, and in
the strength and intelligence of it's
editorial columns is a close second to
Randolph Herald. Its merchants
Christmas edition this week-2O pages
including a colored supplement-was
highly creditable piece of work.
l-Brattleboro Reformer.
We appreciate more than we can
express the compliment paid US by the
editor of the Reformer. 1t places US
and The Caledonian in very honor
able position and to merit it is a re-
ward we had not expected. We here
by express our deep thanks to Editor
Hubbard.
The acquisition of such an honor
places upon us a grave responsibility
1t is no easy task to attain and hold
high rank among the editors of Yer
mont-a body of men alert, indus
trious, intelligent and who work hard
for the meager compensation to be
acquired in the limited fields in Yer
mont. Such an accomplishment OBJ
ligates further improvement and de-
velopment, a still better newspaper
and more serviceable editorial work.
Almost on the threshold of a new year,
that is our ambition. This compli-
ment starts US upon the new years
work with a cheerful spirit and the
determination to accomplish, if pos
sible, more than in the past. In our
good cheer and optimism for the fu
ture we wish our brother editors ana
the readers of The Caledonian a Merry
Christmas, a Happy and Prosperous
New Year.
St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1915-12-22

STATE OF VERMONT, District of Caledonia S.
The Honorable Probate Court for the Dis
trict of Caledonia: To all persons interested
in the estate of David Williams, late Of st.
Johnsbury, in said District deceased, greet
ing:
At Probate Court. holden at ST. Johns
bury within and for said District the End
day Of December, A. ID. 1915, an instrument
purporting to be the last Will and Tesla
ment of David Williams late of st. Johns
bury, in said District, deceased, was present
ed to the Court aforesaid, tor Probate.
And 1t is ordered by said Court that the
Gath day of December A. ID. 1915 at the Pro-
bate Office In said St. Johnsbury, be assigned
for proving said instrument: and that notice
thereof be given to all persons concerned. by
publishing this order three weeks successive
~ In the CALIFORNIAN, newspaper circulat-
ing in that vicinity, in said District, previous
to the time appointed. Therefore. you are
hereby notified to appear before said Court,
at the time and place aforesaid, and contest
the probate of said will, II you have cause.
Given under my hand at st. Johnsbury. In
said District, this End day Of December.
A. d. 1915.
WALTER p. SMITH. Judge.
St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1915-12-22
EAST BARNET

(Mrs. G. w. Tilton, Correspondent
Little Ilene Capron was quite sick
most of last week.
Mr.. and Mrs. Alex Blair and two
sons, Kenneth and Winton, spent Sat
urday in ST. Johnsbury.
Miss Edith Cole is working for Mrs
Alex Blair.
There will be a Christmas tree and
exercises by the children at the chap
ell Friday. Dec. "a
Miss Belle Gammell was the guest
of Miss Helen Goss at st. Johnsbury,
Friday.
Will Hatch of ST. Johnsbury visited
his brother, James Hatch, Friday.
Harold Gammell is home from Mid
dlebury college for the Christmas We
cation, visiting his parents, Mr.. and
Mrs. r. B. Gammen.
Mrs. Emma Kendall spent Friday
in Barnet with Mrs. Eugene Wilson.
Mrs. Lizzie Kendall, who has been
spending several months in Boston,
returned to her home here Monday.
There were Christmas exercises and
a Christmas tree at the Brook school
house Friday
John Kendall, Neil Mcdowell and
Mavourine Ci1ley are having a week S
Miss Marion Quimby and Miss Julia
Fisher spent Friday night and Satur-
day in Monroe.
Bernard Morey of st. Johnsbury
visited Bertram Kendall Monday.
Mrs. Sargent has finished work for
DR.. Newell at st. Johnsbury and is
visiting her daughter, Mrs. Lillian
Kay.
George Gammell has been in New
port and Orleans for few days on
business.
w. ]. McGil has had quite a serious
time with one eye. The doctor called
it a hemorrhage.
Albert Amell and Eugene Kendall
spent Sunday in st. Johnsbury.
Mrs. L. G. Ames went to Lyndon
Vile, Thursday, to care for Mrs. Frank
Leach.
Miss Crissie Cushman is working
for Mrs. w. ]. McGill while she is in
Boston. Miss Jessie McGilI, who has
been very sick. is gaining.
Miss Belle GammeIl, who has been
sick for a number of days, is able to
be out.
Curtis Dickinson spent last week in
with his daughter, Mrs.
Fred Shonyo.
Mr.. and Mrs. Whitney and daugh-
ter of Lyndonville visited at Andrew
one day last week.
Mrs. Oliver Amell spent Wednesday
in Passumpsic with her daughter, Mrs.
Lydia Champany.
Schools closed Friday for the Christ
mas vacation.
Mr.. and Mrs. S. F. Rice finished
work at the shop last Monday and
went to Holyoke, Mass, Friday. Anna
Liberty of ST. Johnsbury has taken
Mrs Rice's place, painting in the
shop.
Guy Lindsay was in Craftsbury
Wednesday and Thursday of last week.
Joseph Fenoff is moving his family
to McIndoes.
Frank Bailey's school closed Friday
at Danville and he is home with his
parents, Mr.. and Mrs. C. A. Bailey.
St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1915-12-22
MONROE

mabel Frazer, Correspondent
Rev. D. E. Burns was in Lebanon
Sunday to officiate at a funeral. Rev.
B. M. Smith of Wells River occupied
the pulpit here and at North Monroe.
Mr.. and Mrs. Wallace Graham of
Waltham, Mass, spent last week at
Arthur Metcalf's.
Arthur Bodwell of Lyndon was at
Fred Gibson's over Sunday.
G. L. Frazer is in Keene this week
attending State Grange.
Mrs. Larkin Hosford Mrs. D. e.
Burns and Madalyn and Mrs. S. J.
Astle spent Monday in ST. Johnsbury.
John Gilchrist and family of Barnet
were at d. R. Gilchrist's Sunday.
St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1915-12-22
WEST DANVILLE

(Mrs. E. F.. Aver, Correspondent
Alfred Daniels of Lisbon, N. H., has
been visiting his brother, Albert DAN
ieIs.
Mr.. and Mrs. Herbert Heath and
children of Cabot spent Sunday with
her father, Willard Brickett.
Miss Fanny Waldo is home from
Johnson Normal school for the Christ
mas vacation and Miss Anna Brickett
is home from her school at Landau,
N. H.
Harley Swasey sold seven COWS last
week to William BedOir of North DAN
St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1915-12-22
PROBATE or Will

ESTATE OF WILLIAM MCDONALD.
STATE OF VERMONT, District of Caledonia, IS.
The Honorable Probate Court for the Dis
trict of Caledonia: To all persons interested
in the estate of William Mcdonald, late OF
st. Johnsbury, In said District deceased,
Greeting:
At a Probate Court, holden at st. Johns
bury within and for said District on the 2nd
day of December. A. d. 1915, an instrument
purporting to be the last Will and Tesla
ment of william Mellon aid. late of st. Johns
bury, in said District, deceased, was pre-
sented to the Court aforesaid. for Probate
And it is ordered by said Court that the
oath day of December. A. D., 1915. at the
Probate Office In said St. Johnsbury, be as
signed for proving said instrument; and
that notice thereof be given to all persons
concerned, by publishing this order three
weeks successfully in the CALIFORNIAN, a
circulating in that vicinity. in
said District, previous to the time appoint
ed
Therefore. you are hereby notified to APP
pear before said Court. at the time and place
and contest the probate of said
will. if you have cause.
Given under my hand at ST. Johnsbury. in
said District, this 2nd day of December,
WALTER p. SMITH,
Judge
St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1915-12-22
RYEGATE
Union Christmas Entertainment b.
SchOOls-Raymond Thomp-
son Still Ill

son Still Ill.
(Mrs c. A McKirahan, Correspond
ent.)
The pupils of the two schools, No.
9 and Ryegate Corner, Joined in the
Christmas exercises held in the YES
try Of the United Presbyterian church
on Saturday evening. The program
was new and novel and the children
entered heartily into the rendering Of
it, much to the amusement of the
audience. The teachers, Miss Lincoln
and Miss Rouhan deserve much credit
for their wise choice in assigning
parts and in the painstaking drill
which the children evidently had re-
ceived. The entertainment was fol-
lowed by Santa distributing presents
from a beautiful and welI-filled tree
to the pupils and many others pres
ent.
Raymond Thompson was brought
home from the hospital at Hanover
on Thursday evening, seemingly so
far recovered from the operation for
appendicitis as to be permitted to
come. Saturday he grew worse and
on Sunday DR.. Gle of Hanover was
called and performed the second op-
GRAFTON, removing the accumulation of
puS LndL naQ formed near the nrSt IN
cision. Raymond rallied nicely from
the second operation and is in a fair
way to recover.
Miss Taylor, teacher of the primary
department of the East Ryegate
school, has come to spend her vacation
at the home of Mr.. and, Mrs. w. Sar-
gent.
The lectures held in the vestry of
the United Presbyterian church five
evenings of last week were well at
tended. Rev. w. J. Mcknight of Bos-
ton was the speaker. talking in the in
terestS of national reform.
F. S. Nelson lost a valuable horse
during the past week.
Jennie Taylor is at the home of her
uncle, William Thompson, during her
Christmas vacation. Miss Beatrice
Pierce who has been working for Mr.
Thompson went to her home on JEFF
ferson hill Saturday.
A. ]. Symes was in Burlington the
past week.
Mr.. and Mrs. John Symes were in
Wells River Wednesday and Thursday
of last week.
St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1915-12-22

There will be Christmas tree and
exercises at the hotel hall Saturday
evening.
Miss Mary Fisher is having a week s
vacation from her school in Ryegate.
William Maynes of Walden has been
visiting at Arthur Metcalfs and Eu-
gene Humans.
St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1915-12-22

The whole state of Vermont sym
pathizes. deeply with Hon. ]. A. De-
Boer and family during his very ser
ious illness. In his disability the state
suffers serious loss. His life has
been a broad and constructive one
he was stricken with his serious NAL
ady and it seems a serious misfortune
to have it interrupted.
St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1915-12-22
Notice of Allowance OF Account.
ESTATE OF TANE WARD.

STATE OF VERMONT, District of Caledonia -.
The Honorable Probate Court for the DiH-
trict aforesaid: To all persons interested
in the estate of Jane Ward, late Of ST.
Johnsbury, In said District deceased, RreetinGs
Whereas, said Court has assigned the Bird
day OF December next for examining and al
the estate of said deceased and for a decree
of the residue of said estate to the lawful
claiman of the same, and ordered that
public notice thereof be given to all persons
interested in ssid estate by Publishing this
order three weeks excessively previous 20
paper published at st. Johnsbury in said dis
trict.
Therefore, you are hereby notified TO APP
pear at the Probate Office I'm st. JohnHbury,
In said district, the day assigned, then
and there to contest the allowance Of said
account If you see cause. and to establish
your right as heirs, 1egatces and lawful
claim ants to said residue
Given under my hand, this 9Th day Of
December A. ID. 1915.
WALTER p. SMITH. Judge.
St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1915-12-22
PROBATE OF WILL
ESTATE OF LAURA NJ. DANA.

ESTATE OF LAUkA M. DANA.
STATE OF VERMONT, District of Caledonia, IS
The Honorable Probate Court for the Dis
trict of Caledonia: To all persons nterested
in the estate OF Laura M. llama, late o.
Peacham, in said district deceased, greeting
At Probate Court. holden at st. Johns
bury wit hin and for said district on the 4th
day OF December A. d 1915, an instrument
purpOrting to be the last Will and Tesla.
mcnt of Laura M. Dana, late of Peacham
in said district. deceased was presented to
the Court aforesaid, for Probate.
And 1t is ordered by said Court that the
gath day of December A. D. 1915, at the
Probate Office In said ST Johnsbury. be az
signed for proving said instrument; and thu
notice thereof be given to all persons con-
cerned, by publishing this order three week 6
successfully in the Called oman. a newspaper
circulating in that vicinity, in said District,
previous to the time appoinaed.
Therefore, you are hereby notified to ap
pear before said Court, at the time and place
aforesaid, and contest the probate of said
will, If you have cause
Given under my hand at ST. Johnsbury in
said District, this 4th day of December A. D.
1918.
WALTER P. TMITH. Judge.
St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1915-12-22
COMMISSIONERS NOTICE

ESTATE OF LUCY e. w. CHoATE.
The undersigned, having been appointed
by the Honorable Probate Court for the die
trict of Caledonia, com missiOners to receive,
examine and adjust the claims and demands
of all persons against the estate of Lucy II.
w. Choate, lateof Peacham. Vt, in said dis
trict deceased and all claims exhibited in Off
set thereto, hereby give notice that Will
meet tor the purpose aforesaid. at the store
of Fl arlan A. Renfrew, in he town Of Peach
am. In said district. on the 30th day Of De-
cember, and the 23rd day of May next. from
100 O'Clock p. M. until O'Clock p. M.
on each IF said days, and that six months
from the 9th day Of November A. ID. 1915,
is the time limited by said Court for said
creditors to present their claims to for
examination and allowance.
Dated at Peacham this 4th day of Decem-
Der, A. D., 1915.
LESLIE IT. TIL ORHTON,
H. A. RENPREW,
Commissioners.
St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1915-12-22

the use of his name as a candidate.
1t is not at all impossible that when
the national convention is held in
Chicago next June the delegates VIII
unite upon Hughes with the expecta-
ton he would not refuse a nomination
rendered without solicitation on his
part