The Washington herald., 1915-02-14

CONTINUED FROM PAGE ONE-Main News
IN the dialogues and verses which made
: up the evenings entertainment. and in
order that the guests might not have to
depend upon memory alone for TCCOlleC-
ton of things said and done a little vol
ume entitled THE Book of the Play"
was presented as souvenir to each Of
the persons fortunate enough to be
present.
AS usual. the opening chorus was sung
in darkness Then. as President Snyder
uttered a few cordial words of welcome,
the electric Eridiron was flashed and the
fun commenced. As soon the oysters
were served, President Snyder was in
vested with the jewClcd Cridiron which
is the insignia of the presidents office.
His inaugural ton was made the occasion
of all the members Of the club gathering
in the space between the tables-the
space which the GridirOn men call the
welI-and there they stood while Mr..
Snyder was neatly roasted into office.
The fact that Mr.. Snyder has more than
once impcrsOnated Vice President Mar
shall i'm club stunts was duly cmpha-
sized. There was some question a. to
Mr.. Snyder's eligibility until he sOl"mnly
swore that he would rather associate
with the Gridiron men than with the
Senate After that. {. G. Braincrd Of
the Brooklyn Eagle; Arthur J. SinrOtt.
Of the Newark Evening News. and
Harry J. Brown. Of the Portland Ore
conian. were initiated into membership
with appropriate ceremonies.
Presidential Candidates on Trial.
Twenty minutes of good fun were pro-
vided when half a dozen Presidential
candidates were put on trial The judge
sat on a high bench. wearing a wig and
gown and the representative Of the
common people was noticeable for an
abundance Of whiskers. The first three
defendants were Charles :. Whitman.
Myron r HcrriCk and William +. Borah.
AGAINST whom Woodrow Wilson com
plains and says that the Republican
party has not had an idea for thirty
Years" Each of the accused said that
his occupation was presidential candi-
date Whitman's examination then
procecded:
What. if any. idea you hav" had in
The last thirty years.
II want to he President.
That isn't your own idea. That's the
idea of William Jennings BRYAN
''Well. I'VE got another idea.
What is it, Be short. hut brief"
The governorship of New York is the
stepping stone to the Presidency
That idea isn't yours. either. II was
used over thirty years aGo ny Grover
Cleveland
Herrick when cross-,xamircd. assert
ed that his idea was that distinguished
diplomatic service is tn" road to pOliti-
cal prcfermcnt. He WAS told that this
idea mad been exploded ny Ambassador
Gerard. When hc claimed that il would
h,, a new idea to have "a mlliuuair" I'm
tn. White H"uS.. the reply WAS made
that Roosevelt had plenty Of million
aires in the White House. Then this dia-
q lu@ue followed.
H,rrick-T'm an ideal candidate.
Common PcOplr-Ar"U't yOW from Ohio
Hcrrick-Nes. nut that's no handicap,
TAFT hail from Ohi"H
licrrick-No. he only sprinklNd.
After Senator Borah had tried to give
his ida Of AN idea in = sentence As long
a. the moral law. tn" judge decided that
as an idea was an intangible thing. the
corpus deficit could not %" produced in
court. and the defendants were. there
fore. DISCHARGED.
Clark and McAdoo Answer Ones
tiOns.
Democratic Presidential candidates I'M
the persons Of Champ ',ark. Secretary
McAdOo and Secretary Bryan Ucr" then
brought into court. When asked to xiv"
definition Of ha~d tim. :. Mr. clark
promptly responded. The Baltimore
convention.'' Mr. McAdou WAS closely
questioned as to the deficit in the Treas
urv.
In the first place" was MCAIOo's rc-
ply. There is no deficit. secondly. if
there is one the last administration is
to blanc: and. thirdly and lastly, I re-
gard your question as insulting. ] ap-
peal for protection
"Nh." said common People. You want
protection. Wouldn't a little protection
cure your dehct?'
The witness WAS spared tho necessity
of replying by being hustled of to his
seat. and then Mr.. Bryan was brought
before the bar. lie was asked where he
WaS on or about the 4th Of March, 1897.
AT Lincoln. Nebr.'' was tho reply.
Now tell the court where YOU were on
the 4th OF March. 1901"
''N Lincoln. Ncbr.
"fI"w WAS the weather at that time"
Twas bitter cold
$50 Did l." Says bryan.
Then the examination proceeded this
wise:
Common People-Now. Mr.. Bryan. let
your mind travel little further along /
Where WCr" YOU on March I. 1873"
Bryan tSdVaEclyD-At Lincoln. Nrhr
Common PeOplc-Thdt appears to be
YOU permanent home.
BrNdn-lt was.
Common PcopIc-And what was the
weather on thar day?
BrNan-COntiuucd cold.
Common PeOplc-Mlls all running?
RrYan-SO far As / know.
Common Pv0ple-CUuntTy prosperous; F.
everybody happy
Bryan-Everybody except myself !
suppose.
Common Pcoplc-Lct'S get down to
more recent history Where were you
on March I. 1915?
Bryant was in tine White House.
Common PCOplc-ThG White House. Mr.. /
Hryan? Pray, what were you doing |
there?
Bryant was eating luncheon with the |
President of the United States.
Common People-What was the wealth |
er on that day?
full Of hope and promise: the birds twit- |
tered in the trectOps, and every cloud !
had a silver lining at the ration Of six
teen
Judge pounds with EavelD-Confine !
Yourself to facts. Mr.. Bryan.
Common PCople-Now. Mr. Bryan. don't .
YOU know As matter Of fact that inn
mediat"ly after that luncheon the mills |
stopped running?
Bryan-SO did |.
There was an outhurst Of laughter at
the last reply Finally the judge de-
cidcd that all Of the accused had but a
single idea. which was to get into the
White House. and that too much POLL
tics was the cause Of hard times. At
this junCturc a person who had been
constantly trying to inject himself into