davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1915-08-22

whose elocution was not always of the
clearest, especially as regards his apra-
ton. His name was Channel. Arguing
the bench In some doubt whether a GER
tain vessel he mentioned was the Helen
or the Ellen. rs there an n in the
name?" the judge at last inquired. Eyes.
my lord broke in his learned friend on
the other side, but it has been lost in
the chops of the Channell." The most
fearsome and complete pun of this kind
was made by an examiner who had to
tell certain undergraduate the result
of his viva voce. The undergraduates
name was Field Flowers Goe, and he
subsequently attained some eminence in
the church The verdict was, 1.-The Field
is ploughed, the Flowers are plucked, and
you. sir, can Goe!'
There is a variety of the pun upon q
name, however. that one is almost ~
clined to forgive, or at least to regard
with a certain lenency.- 1t is when some
familiar quotation is given an apt twist
which brings in the cognomen of the VIC
TIM One of the best of this kind is at
tributed to Sir William Harcourt. Listea-
ing to long descended baronet named
Knightley descanting upon the antiquity
of his family. the politician was heard to
msquote well known hymn. as follows:
And Knightley to the listening earth
Recounts the story of his BIRTH
From the United States comes the story
of an unwilling auditor of Senator Lodge,
who, as the senatorial eloquence showed
no signs of ceasng, muttered to his
no n fnr o6O In, CT
wilderness''
James Payn, the novelist and editor,
was VIGOROUSLY averse from physical ex-
ercise A gentle stroll from the Cornhill
Offices in Waterloo place to the Reform
club was the limit of his pedestrianism.
So it was not strange that he showed
signs of acute discomfort on country
ramble. AS the party climbed a steep
activity in the course of the walk one
of them, noticing the novelst's distress,
whispered to another: 1.-THE labor we de-
light in physics Payn.'
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1915-08-22
The Ring and the Girl

A short while ago young Kansas
City man named Lockridge shot and
seriously wounded young woman,
then committed suicide. The theory
first entertained as to the motive of
the shooting was that the young wom-
an had refused to marry him, and
that, desparing, he had brooded until
his mind became unbalanced and he
determined to kill the sweetheart who
had Tilted him.
Investigation brought out evidence,
however, that did not bear out this
theory but showed that the young
man was much worried because the
girl refused to return valuable dia-
mond engagement ring which he had
given her.
At first glance it seems unbelieva-
BILE that the mere loss of a diamond
should SO overbalance all romantic
considerations, but then perhaps the
unfortunate young man realized that
with the ring to seal the betrothal he
might easily secure another sweet
heart, while with the ring gone he
lost hope.
Moreover, it is possible he had
bought the ring on the installment
plan and had mortgaged his salary
for years in future for its payment.
In which event the young mans
rash act seems not SO inexplicable aft
err all.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1915-08-22
DOMESTIC AMENITIES

WELL WELL" remarked Mr.. Twobble.
Il see where another ship has gone to
Davy Jones' locker
"And where is that, my dear?" asked
Mrs. Twobble.
1.-The bottom of the sea. ma am The
bottom of the sea-
"You mean it sank. them"
"Oh, no." snarled Mr.. Twob BILE. THE
only way for vessel to reach the bot
tom of the sea is to go straight up!"
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1915-08-22
Christ and the Sinner

Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ
and thou shalt be saved" Acts 16, 81,
Christ saves the sinner by doing
something in him, not something for
him. He achieves salvation not by
comprising some imaginary change in
the mind of God, but very real
change in the mind of man.
/. He makes US hate sin. The spec
tacle of His perfection dragged in the
mire Of our world makes that mire
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1915-08-22
THE ROAD NOT TAKEN

II TOIIl Tie <Atidutlc
Two roads diverged in yellow wood,
And sorry could not travel both
And be one traveller long stood
And looked down one as far as 1 could
To where 1t bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other. as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim
Because 1t was grassy and wanted wear
Though as for that the passing there :
Had worn them really about the samA
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black
on, marked the first for another dayi
Yet knowing how way leads on to way
| doubted i'll should ever come back.
| shall be telling this with q sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in . wood, and /,
took the one les travelled by. sz.
And that has made al the difference
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1915-08-22
"A Division in GERMANY

Two schools of political Thought
have developed in Germany, one con-
tending Tor the annexation of Belgium
and part of France, the other op-
posed to this plan. Both have presented
memorials to the Kaiser. Six of the
most powerful economic organizations
Of the empire practically demanded
the annexation of this conquered ter
ritory. The anti-annexation memorial
is in the nature of protest. 1t is in
teresting to note that this document,
which was signed by eighty-two prom
inent Germans, bears the name of DR..
Bernhard Dernberg, whose German
propaganda in the United States
forced his return to Germany 1t is
said that DR.. Dernberg's ideas can be
traced all through the memorial and
Americans with whom he made HIM
self persona non grata will have to
give the privy councillor credit for OPP
posing war of conquest.
Among the other prominent Ger
mans who signed the memorial are
editors, more than a score of leading
German professors, statesmen, bust
ness men, jurists, members of the no
bility and military authorities. In fact
nearly all professions are represented
by distinguished men. However, there
is only one signer on the naval side,
Admiral Won Truppel, who wrote an
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1915-08-22

A BARGAIN

Il don't mind giving your college
half a Million" said the magnate, "but
I'm great believer in reciprocity
81 catch your drift replied the so !.
licitor. How would degree of LII. D.
suit your
Doctor of Laws. Ell? That would
do first rate I could use the title all
right and If anybody ever asked me
for legal advice, l could turn him over
20 my lawyer"
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1915-08-22
The Treatment of Prisoners

conditions in regard to the handling
OF prisoners of the county are certainly
improved this summer over conditions of
last year. said Roger w. Snyder. well
known local attorney. For instance, the
judges, as well as Solicitor Black and his
able assistants, Walter Brewer and James
Davis are giving the unfortunates more
consideration.
Judge Abernethy of the municipal
court has been very lenient in recognize
ing the petty offenders on their own
recognlzance, and they show their graft
tlde by appearing for trial in most every
case. In most all instances, where the
offense is only a minor charge, and the
defendant Is a first offender. Judge Aber-
nethy uses his good discretion by putting
them on proba ton and with continued
good behavior during such time, the Judge
dismfsses the charge entirely, thereby en-
couraging better citizenship.
Among the other Judges who have been
consistently on the job all summer with
out any vacation Is Judge H. P. Hef1in,
who is working In accord With Solicitor
Black and releases all such prisoners en-
their own bond as recommended by the
solicitors Office
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1915-08-22
objects to the Bill

Both the house and the senate have
had very busy week and seem now to
be determined to go ahead and finish up
business without another split session."
said Robert w. Ewing, who returned from
Montgomery yesterday.
Among the important bills now being
committee of the senate is senate bill No
1913. introduced by G.. Ernest Jones of Clio.
which provides for the organization and
maintenance of school book commission
which shall edit compile and then through
the establishment of state printing plant,
undertake to print and distribute to the
superintendents principals and teachers
of the state, to be sold to the children
for cash, a new system of school books.
THE bill is very radical step, mas
much as 1t calls for large appropriation
between 100000 and 100000, to start with
and would be very unwise at this time.
THE bill, however, seems to be seri-
ously considered by the finance and taxa
ton committee of the senate and unless
strong protest is registered by merchants,
printers and those opposed to such a
measure, it may pass. notwithsta nding
many undesirable features.
lone OF the particular objections to the
bill is, if the books are put in use they
will be new and untried and the super
intendents, principals and teachers will be
entirely unfamiliar with them and OF
course local commission so organized
could not have the standard copyrighted
books now in use but must compile and
edit an entirely new system of books.
"a feature of the bill in establishing a
state printing plant would also bring the
state in competition with her printers and
publishers all over the state, as the bill
provides that not only shall the school
books be manufactured in the plant but
they may do all printing and publishing
arising from the state capitol, the legis-
lature, the several offices of the state
government, including such institutions
as schools, colleges, asylums, ETC., main
tained or in any way fostered by tho
state, and also including work for coun-
ties. This state printing office could come
right into Jefferson county and do all
the work for all of our county officers
here also do the work for our high school
and for our public school system, taking
this business away from the printers in
their respective counties. where it is now
being done"
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1915-08-22
HOTEL. LOBRIES
Concert In Capitol Park

The T. C. l. band of Ensley will give
a concert in Capitol park Sunday after
noon and I know the public will enjoy
1t, said Frank MCGOWAN.
The band numbers 40 men. 1t is in
tine condition and the programme Is ex-
eeptionally attractive. Several popular
overtures will be heard and while the
numbers are over the heads of the aver
age park crowds there will be no trashy
stuff We 7. C. I. men are justly proud.
of our band"
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1915-08-22
TO CURE HICCoUGHs

From Answers.
To cure hiccoughs fill a glass with
water, draw deep breath through the
mouth, take mouthful of water, hold
the glass before you above your head,
raise your eyes so that they can see the
bottom of the glass without throwing your
head back. swallow the water and then
breathe out slowly through the mouth.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1915-08-22
NOT IN BIRMINGHAM

From the Pittsburg Sun.
Official salaries In Nashville have been
reduced % per cent. 1t is safe to as
sumo that even then some of the office
holders are getting more than they are
worth. 1t is too bad that a lot of Amer
lean cities are compelled to display more
pra ctical economy.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1915-08-22
PASSING PLEASANTRIEs

See here said the angry pedestrian
who had narrowly escaped being run
over. I'D as soon be knocked to king
dom come by your car as scared to
death by that Internal horn of yours"
Take your choice" replied the mo-
torist, blithely. But | recommend the
norm as being less apt to muss Your
elothes.p
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1915-08-22

From the Pittsburg Sun.
Why don't the Balkan states adver-
tise and have a regular auction day on
which occasion the states that are con-
tending for their support can have a fair
chance at each other?
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1915-08-22

According to one alarmist, the po-
year The impression obtains in some
quarters that they've never been off
the Job
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1915-08-22
IS WORTH THE MONEY

From the st. Louis Globe-Democrat.
According to John Sharp Williams, it
costs Sc every time senator is bathed
in the palatiai Senate bathroom. But 1t
must be done at times, no matter what
1t costs.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1915-08-22

Julia Marlowe's absence from the
stage won't be missed by a certain
class of theatre patrons, SO long as
Miss Kellerman remains.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1915-08-22

The fate of the Rock Island shows
what happens to an unsuspecting rail-
road that puts itself in the hands of
it's friends"
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1915-08-22

Stormy times in Mexico make BUSH
hess good in Ell Paso. which is pros
pering nightly.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1915-08-22

Recent developments indicate that
General Villa hasn't been too busy
fighting to pick out>a few desirable
anches and mines for personal use.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1915-08-22

Those students in New York who
swore to go to Georgia and avenge the
death of Frank had better stay al
home until they cool off.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1915-08-22
sPARING HER Feelings

is there anything I can do to re-
iieve your distress, my poor woman?"
asked the stylishly dressed visitor.
Eyes, ma'am," replied the emaciated
tenement dweller when you go out
you might tell the people in the hall
that you're friend of mine and not a
charity work r"
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1915-08-22
BITTER THRALLDOM

BITTER TTIRALLDOM
Who would not face the lannon's
mouth
And die heros death?
y thousand thousand pacifists
Who daily waste their breath
In preaching peace at any price,
Although the price might be
Far greater than that crimson flood
Poured out across the sea.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1915-08-22

Galvestons sea wall stood the test
admirably. but about 5000 Galveston.
ians didn't wait to see whether it
would or not
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1915-08-22

A ST. Louis man has invented a boat
that won't capsize, but what st. Louis
really needs is schooner that won't
overturn.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1915-08-22

Following the distinguished example
OF Mr.. Micawber, the allies are wait
ing for something to turn up"
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1915-08-22
NOT ENGLAND THIS TIME

From the Raleigh News and Observer
"Oystermen protest to government"
But this time not Great Britain. but the
Interstate commerce commission IL the
culprit
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1915-08-22

Blaming Tom Watson for the preva-
lence of mob law In Georgia is a poor
way for Georgians to excuse them
selves
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1915-08-22

With the Germans close at their
heels, the Russians probably don't care
how soon winter comes.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1915-08-22

Even British newspapers no longer
minimize the peril of the Russians. so
1t must be great.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1915-08-22
ADRIF'T WITH THE TIMES

dusky acquaintance, Somebody raided
my chicken house last night"
I bet 'twuz some no count Niger.
boss"
I'm sure of it, Jake. When went
out to Investigate saw him jump over
the fence. and he looked very much
like YOU"
"Mebby he did, sab. Mebby he did.
Sc got some mighty sorry kinfolks
about here sab, an I can't help it il
dey looks like me-"
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1915-08-22

At any rate, Galveston is still on the
map and that's doing pretty we'll for a
town situated as Galveston is.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1915-08-22

1t begins to look as if We might have
to decker for that Russian trade
through German Intermediates.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1915-08-22
The Great National, SNORT

The hold which baseball has on the
people of this country is really remark
able" remarked kid" Elherfeld, man
ager of the Chattanooga club yesterday
while discussing the games played here
Il have followed the game for the past
20 years and have watched it gradually
fasten itself on the people until 1t came
to stay indefinitely Other fads and fash
ions may rise and fall In popularity nut
there is something substantial about
ba seball which makes it the peoples
sport Other sports come and go and are
soon forgotten, but in its season baseball
regns supreme.
The game has much to Withstand, too,
In order to keep up it's popularity. War,
politics and hard times are its chifest
opponents. but somehow 1t seems to out
1--we them all. No matter what outside
interest they have or what is the conNl-
ton of the purse the people generally
manage to make up enough money to
attend good ball game and forget their
troubles. 1t Is a wonderful thing, this
baseball. have played 1t for a quarter
OF a century and I know
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1915-08-22


Il have just returned from the big.
farmers and merchants meeting in
Memphis stated Mrs. G. Fl. Mathis.
president of the Alabama Diversified
Farming association, who has come to
Birmingham to attend the Alabama
Merchants association in this city this
week.
1T was one of the best attended
meetings I have ever seen and I have
never seen more successful one The
farmers and merchants of the Mem
phis district came to the meeting
thoroughly discouraged and with a bad
case of the blues. They left with their
hearts full of a new doctrine and with
prospects of success after failure seems
to have arrived. ~
One young man addressed the con-
vention and he said he had given up
he said that both his white and his
negro tenants were so hopelessly In
debt from failure of the cotton crops
and similar disasters that he was CO.
ing to load them all on the train and
ship them out, or he would be ruined
himself. However, other speakers and
myself who have had experience with
the new farming movement told that
young man and the others attending
the meeting to go back to their homes,
plow up their cotton patches and plant
corn and fruits and vegetables and
raise pigs and chickens and mules and
cattle. We showed them why and how
and what would be the result, and
prominent business men and bankers
of Memphis came to me after the
meeting and said that it had been
worth million dollars to the Mem
phis district
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1915-08-22

From the Houston Post
Russia declares vociferously that she
will not have peace. and Won Ainden-
burgs army shows no disposition to give
her any.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1915-08-22
WHY THE DELAYt

From the Florida Times-Union.
Haiti has elected another President. but
hasn't killed him yet
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1915-08-22

output of new cures" for consump-
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1915-08-22

BEGINNING THE DAY-keep me,
Lird, when the fiods II great WA
ters come high. Rear n wall about my
siul. In the time of calm build me
up so that the storm shall not make
me afrnid. My trust IL In Thee.
Amcn.-H. Nj. e.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1915-08-22
HELP WANTED

why didn't you hire that office
boy? He looked like a hustler"
He told me he didn't know the bat
ting averages of all the major league
players"
"Pshaw! Neither do you"
That's just my point. I've got to
have an authority in the office / can
refer to occasionally
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1915-08-22

Nothing SO delights the silded youth
Of the city as to affect the compan-
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1915-08-22

There is no virtue like necessity.
Richard IL.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1915-08-22

A CANDIDATE FOR SYMPATHY
Jake said Colonel Mintfeld to a
The Washington herald., 1915-10-12
SUPREME court ADMITS
THIRTY-THREE To Bar
Highest Tribunal Resumes Sittings
After Summer Recess-Will
Hear Famous Gases.

The Supreme Court resumed its sittings
yesterday after the summer recess, but
transacted no business except to hear
motions for admission to the bar. There
was a large run OF professional fresh
fish," as one old veteran OF the Supreme
Court bar described them. barking back
to his college days. Thirty-three in
all were admitted to practice, represent
ing fifteen States.
The absence of Justice Joseph Rucker
from the bench was quickly noted by the
members of the Supreme Court bar in
connection with the story in The Herald
yesterday Of his Illness due to q paralytic
stroke. There were many expressions
Of sympathy for the popular jurist and
many anxious inquiries.
Several cases involving the validity of
the Federal income tax will be argued
before the court. commencing today.
These cases arose in New York, Boston.
Detroit and Washington. The law is be-
ing attacked from nearly every point
where attack is possible. The arguments
on the New York alien labor statute
cases are the first on call in the court.
Following these the court will hear
from lawyers on the Constitutionality of
the Federal migratory bird law.
An early case to be argued is the ap-
peal taken by the government in the
steamship cases brought under the Sher-
man law against the steamship COM
panies. decided adversely to the govern
ment by the Federal Court for the south
ern district of New York. The charges
was that the steamship companies con-
spired to restrain the business of carry
ing steerage passengers from Europe to
the port Of New York.
Following these in close order and in
volving even more popular interest will
come the arguments in the Harvester
Trust and Steel Trust cases. which will
be heard on appeal. The Steel Trust
case. which was decided against the gov
ernment in the court below. has not vet
been appealed. but will be. The Harves-
ter Trust case will come up on an order
for reargument.
Decisions are not expected next Mon
day and may not come until later.
The Webb-Kenyon dry" law, which
forbids shipments Of intoxicants into dry
territory. and the Oregon minimum wage
law are among those under advisement.