Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1915-08-30
Three Girls in Same Village
Get Love EpistIes Meant
for One Another.
WORDING OF EACH ONE
PRECISELY THE SAME
Blunder of English Subaltern at the
Front Embarrasses a
Tommy Atkins.
BY HERBERT COREY.


hotel to visit one of the odd parties
one sometimes sees hanging about the
fringe o. war-three youngsters III
khaki uniforms with red crosses on
their arms, and equipped with little
tin car in which they rode ana rode:
At times three lanky girls IN kna NJ
joined them. They were OF the fapper
age and yet not in the least Happer-
ish. One saw not the slightest evil
dence of usefulness in the party, and
Vet they were intensely active ana IN
tensely serious. They made one thlhk
of the unfortunate victim OF Irving
Cobbs harpoon He was as busy as a
blue bottle fly on windowpane. and.
like the fly, he never seemed TO get
anywhere.
today he confided to Cobb. Had
best take cab. or should I depend
on the street cars
Mr.. Cobb regarded him for mo-
ment
Why" he asked, don't you take a
merry-go-round?"
The caller was an English subaltera
on leave from the front-a most es-
timable young man. Immediately one
discovered that he had thought deeply
on many subjects. He had been tan
ned and scored and thickened by the
life in the trenches, but in his essen
tials he remained unchanged. A most
estimable young man. One gathered
that with him life is very serious.
He had every good quality that man
could have except, perhaps, a little
touch of humor. Appallingly consci-
entious he deprecated a certain lax
ity of talk common to the men at the
front.
Their One Fault, He Said.
TT is their one fault he said, look
ing seriously at US with his mild and
gathered on his forehead. OTHERWISE
their conduct at the front is quite ir-
reproachable.
We found no difficulty in believing
that Temptation is entirely absent
from the trenches-at least, temptation
of carnal, and not of a military, sort.
He spoke of his work-and most in
terestingly. This young man is
good officer-a courageous, kindly,
conscientious soul always shepherding
his men-eXcept that he lacks humor.
We gathered that at times the ten
dency of Tommy Atkins to be vulgarly
funny in the face of death revolted
him. He did not even hate the Ger
mans. He said they have souls.
II am greatly distressed" said he.
because of an incident of fortnight
ago"
He is the censor of his company. We
learned that when his men are at the
back of the front. to use the Atkins
ism, they are not intensive CORE
spondents- Their minds run then rather
upon such purely mundane affairs as
beer and baths and Tags and long, re-
Operative, silent loafs upon some sun
warmed bit of turf. But between times
in the trenches they are never-ending,
indefatigable, mastodonic letter writ
ers During the lighting their minds are
quite fully occupied, of course; but when
they have nothing to do but sit in the
tom of the trench-they fairly wither for
occupation. Then they write letters
home The young subaltern must read
these letters. to guard against the unin-
NJ a a
The young unmarried men, he said.
write love letters. Some of them go
to regrettable excess"
In other words, they blandhandered.
Many of these unmarried writer's OF
love letters wrote to several girls. The
conscientious young officer had to read
these letters. Night after night, as he
sat in an earth-smelling bombproof or
in some cottage that had been riddled
by shells and would be again, his care
fully-hidden candle light revealed to
him that many of his men scattered too
much in the bestowal of their affec-
lions. They, too, often lacked the
priceless quality of originality in their
letter writing also. Having hit upon
affection. they had no shame in using
ii to each of their 1adyloves.
II could not speak to them of these
things. OF course, said he. 1t is a
great relief to me when we retire from
the trenches, because then the letters
are censored at the base"
In his company there was one partic-
ularly tireless lovemaker big
husky. lively boy He was the particu-
lar favorite of the company He bub-
bled with jokes. They were not re-
fined Jokes. but they were apt apt to sH sesp
heard them. ALI of the other officers
turned their faces and grinned. He
was excellent in lighting. this chap. but
as Ietter-writer he was frightfully
deficient His amatory epithets were
sweetheart" little tender. bright
eyes'' and "Muggins.. These he re-
peated faithfully through line after
line. He brought them up in review.
by column of fours, one might say lie
was scrupulously fair.
One night" said the subaltern, he
brought three letters to me TO be cen
sored They were written to Sue and
Bessie and Maybelle in the same little
Hampshire village. | found nothing of
= military nature in them to object to.
The three letters were precisely alike
except for the name of the maiden
object of his affections. He had evolved
what appeared to him an excellent love
letter, and instead of varying the FORM
he had merely copied it. ! do not wish
70 be severe in my comments upon
these letters. but | am well within the
truth when ] describe them as full
some
The tragedy came when the. over
worked little subaltern had finished
reading them. He very tired that
day. Twenty hours on end lie had
worked. and the day before another
twenty hours, and the day before that
twenIy hours again. He had nodded
over that drearv procession of sweet
heart" and little tender" and Mug
gins At last he put them back in
their envelopes and stamped them as
being duly censored and sent them on
their saccharine way.
II assure YOU, said he, earnestly
that my mistake was an innocent one.
Not for anything would l have put
those letters into the wrong envelopes.
] was very SLEEPY
So that in this little Hampshire viii
lage-a village you could almost cover
with your hat-three girls got letters
from the same man. and each letter
was as like the other as are young
sparrows in the nest. The unfortunate
letter writer in time received a letter
signed by the three Jointly, and this
he brought to the erring subaltern in
disciplined and respectful passion.
Il been done down, that's ALL" said
he, mournfully. Hall that j hasks now
Is charnce to throw my life away
against them bleedin' Germans. You
don't understand. sir, but l loved those
ere young women"
The subaltern reasoned with him. he
said, and apologized. and explained how
the mistake must have happened. But
II did no good. The amatory Atkins
persisted in his despairing purpose He
said il wouldn't be bleeding good
10 try to explain by post to the enraged
damsels. They would just throw his