davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The gazette-times. [volume] (Heppner, Or.) 1912-1925, 1915-03-05
Easily Reduced.

A surgeon at Johns Hopkins Hospi-
tai is fond of stories in which the
joke Is on the doctor. He tells this
one:
One patient fancied there was
something the matter with his heart.
His physician made a cursory exam
ination, disclosing a large swelling in
the patients cardiac region.
There certainly appears to be an
extraordinary swelling right here, y
said the doctor, tapping with his fin
ger on the patients side. eve must
reduce this at once"
Whereupon a fain smile appeared
on the patients worried countenance
"Oh, DOCTOR" he exclaimed, "that
swelling is my pocket book. Please
don't reduce it too much"
The gazette-times. [volume] (Heppner, Or.) 1912-1925, 1915-03-05
Prayer and Politics.

1t Is difficult for the fervent partl-
san to avoid politics, even In the pull
pit. There are those, too, who never
try. Among them was Father Taylor,
the Boston sailor preacher. He was
once conducting Sunday-morning
service few days before the state
elections, and he took the opportunity
Of offering up fervent prayer that
man might be chosen for Governor
who would rule In the fear of God,
who would never be afraid OF the
face of day. who would defeat the
The gazette-times. [volume] (Heppner, Or.) 1912-1925, 1915-03-05
Pigs Were Worth Money.

An eminent New York artist noted
for the beauty of his etchings tells
one on himself.
1t appears that one Summer while
sketching in New England he made a
study OF farmers barn. The farm
er happened to appear and said he'd
like to have the sketch. If 1t isn't
too expensive" he said cautiously.
"Oh," said the etcher, whose works
bring a stiff price in the metropolitan
market. Il won't charge you any
thing for the sketch, but'-his eye
tighten on the pigpen-"I'll tell you
what. You can give me one of those
nice little pink pigs paying there"
The farmer frowned. "Why, mani"
he exclaimed, do you know what
those pigs are worth? They're worth
a dollar apiece!"
The gazette-times. [volume] (Heppner, Or.) 1912-1925, 1915-03-05

Someone has advanced the opinion
that the letter "e" Is the most un.
fortunate letter in the English alpha.
bet, because it is always out OF cash
forever in debt. never out OF danger
and in hell all the time. For some
reason, he overlooked the fortunates
of the letter, so we call his atten-
ton to the fact "e" Is never in war
and always in peace. 1t is the be-
ginning of existence, the commence
ment of ease and the end of trouble.
Without it there would be no meat,
no life and no heaven. 1t Is the CEN
ter Of honesty, makes love perfect,
and without 1t there could be no edit
ors, devils nor news.-Fourth Estate.
The gazette-times. [volume] (Heppner, Or.) 1912-1925, 1915-03-05
Words and Deeds,

An eminent Methodist bishop was
advocating more liberal loosing OF
the purse strings. and during a SER
mon one day told his congregation
that at one time he sent an article
to a paper, in which he said: I'VE
pray too loud and work too little"
The intelligent compositor did a
most satisfying job, and when it ap-
peared it read:
I'VE bray too loud, and work too
little"
Il let 1t go at that" said the
bishop. "The fact is, I believe the
printer was right, and I never ven
tured to correct him. National
Monthly.
The gazette-times. [volume] (Heppner, Or.) 1912-1925, 1915-03-05
Wouldn't BE Ignored.

ELSIE is a self-willed child. One
l. evening while her brother was
studying his lessons. she asked him
something. Getting no reply, she
repeated ner question, and again re-
peated it with increasing petulance.
Her mother said rebukingly: Don't
annoy your brother, Elsie. Cant you
see that he's busy?"
Il know" replied the child; "hut
he might at least have said: Shut
up!'" boston Transcript.
The gazette-times. [volume] (Heppner, Or.) 1912-1925, 1915-03-05
Stories World Meets With Smiles

ringleaders of corruption, who would
defy his own party II 1t yielded to
wire pullers, who. Suddenly
Father Taylor paused. Then he
brought his prayer to an abrupt con-
clusion. "Oh, Lord" he exclaimed,
whats the use Of boxing the COM
pass in this way? Give us George
N. Briggs for Governor. Amen!"-
London Chronicle.
The gazette-times. [volume] (Heppner, Or.) 1912-1925, 1915-03-05
Useless Labor.

my DEAR" remarked Jones, who
had just finished reading book on
The Wonders of Nature" this real
ly Is a remarkable work. Nature is
marvelous Stupendous! When
read work like this 1t makes me
think how puerile, how insignificant
is man"
HUH" shifted his better half. "a
woman doesn't have to wade through
four hundred pages to find out the
same thing" Judge.
The gazette-times. [volume] (Heppner, Or.) 1912-1925, 1915-03-05
Defining the Disease.

I've cared for several persons,
she explained, "but never have loved
anyone so that | would have been
willing to give up my home and work
for him If necessary. That is real
love, isn't it?"
No; that isn't real love- That is
softening of the brain. Chicago
Record Herald.
The gazette-times. [volume] (Heppner, Or.) 1912-1925, 1915-03-05
Not Very Filling.

The critics roast.
The printers pi.
The cake of soap.
The feast of reason.
The spice of Joke.
The glass Of fashion.
The reply that's tart.
The toast of the town.
The salt Of the earth.
The meat Of the question.
The wine of exultation.
The food for reflection.
The fruits of repentance.
The spirit Of an occasion.
The taste of ones quality.
The milk of human kindness.
The water of precious stone.
Town Topics, New York.
The gazette-times. [volume] (Heppner, Or.) 1912-1925, 1915-03-05
Didn't Need One,

Goodheart-"I've got you down for
a couple of tickets; we're getting up
a rattle for a poor man over the
way"
Joakley-'None for me, thank you.
l wouldn't know what to do with a
poor man if I won him."
The gazette-times. [volume] (Heppner, Or.) 1912-1925, 1915-03-05
Easily.

"Do you believe woman will ever
be able to outstrip MANI" she asked.
1T isn't matter for speculation, ;"
he replied. "She done 1t. t."-Chicago
Record Herald.
The gazette-times. [volume] (Heppner, Or.) 1912-1925, 1915-03-05
Failing.

Yes" said the old man, II find
my strength Is failing somewhat. I
used to walk around the block every
morning, but lately l feel so tired
when I'm halfway round l have to
turn and come back"
The gazette-times. [volume] (Heppner, Or.) 1912-1925, 1915-03-05
Naturally Wild.

Reporter hear wild man was
seen roaming about in swamp here.
Native-Yes; he was a city man,
trying to locate a choice building
lot he'd just bought!
The gazette-times. [volume] (Heppner, Or.) 1912-1925, 1915-03-05
Unkind Criticism.

Il go to those concerts merely to
kill time"
well, I'm sure you often find 1t
being murdered there. Baltimore
American.
The gazette-times. [volume] (Heppner, Or.) 1912-1925, 1915-10-14
The Sophomore Party.

The Sophomores again were the
first to indulge in any social festivity.
After much time and discussion a
Hard Times" party had been decided
upon, the time 1880 on the night of
Friday, October the eighh; the place,
Heppner high school, Mrs. Binns
and the teachers were chosen as chap
erons. Everything being in readiness
the Sophomores, after much intercept
tion from the other classmen, arrived
at the school house. The picturesque
ness of the scene was added to by the
appearance of some Of the characters
in costumes too original to mention.
The evening was spent in playing
games and singing, music being fur
nished by Oma Bennett. A somewhat
of hard time supper consisting Of
beans, sandwiches and coffee was an
nounced and a number of eager soph-
omOres seated themselves around the
table. Peculiar noises had been heard
during the evening. Attempts were
made to quiet the Seniors below but
failing in this, the Sophomores, after
eating all they cared for, allowed the
ones outside to come in and finish the
remains of the feed. While the Sen
iors We're eating we endeavored to
have a snapshot Of the Sophomore
class. Speeches were made by sew
eral members Of the studentbody and
faculty. At late hour the amuse-
ment was discontinued and the crowd
dispersed to their various homes.
The gazette-times. [volume] (Heppner, Or.) 1912-1925, 1915-10-14
College Beef Cattle Bring Top Notch
Prices.

Oregon Agricultural College, Cor
wallis, Oct. 11.-Kansas City market
reports mention the unusually fine
quality of three carloads of Short
horn steers, finished for market on
the Oregon Agricultural branch sta
ton farm at Union, marketed this
fall. "The three carloads of steers
received in the local markets aver
aged 1897 pounds and sold at a lump
rate of $3.50. Considering the length
of time they were on the road and the
distance travelled they were in re-
markably fine condition. Robert
Withycombe was in charge of the
shipment which numbered sixty ami
mails.
For 115 days one carload was fed
on alfalfa hay straight through, the
second carload on alfalfa and five
pounds d day to the head of rolled
barley, and the third alfalfa the first
half of the feeding period and an ad-
dition of 10 pounds Of rolled barley
day to the head the last half The
second lot showed the best gain in
weight, slightly more than two
pounds day while the other gained
just two pounds a day.
The gazette-times. [volume] (Heppner, Or.) 1912-1925, 1915-10-14
Forest Notes.

According to a recent compilation
of the Department of Agriculture, ap-
proximately 1900, 100000 acres rep
resents the total land area of the Uni
ted States. OF this area about S7S,-
100000 acres or 46 per cent of the
total, is in farms. Only little over
half of this farm land is improved.
OF the total land area of Oregon,
61,1SS,000 acres, 19 per cent or H.
6S5,000 acres is in farms. OF this
farm land approximately 4,275,O00
acres is improved farm land, which is
per cent of the total.
In Washington the total land area
is estimated to be 42,775,000 acres,
of which 27 per cent or 11,712,000
acres is in farms. Approximately g.
$4,000 acres of this farm land is
i'm proved, which is Is per cent of the
total.
In 1906, the first law was passed
giving the several States share il
the National Forest income. The
first allotment made to Oregon under
this law was $7,5S5; the last tisca
year gave Oregon $69.545 as it:
share of this income. Washington
first allotment under this law in 1906
was $1,923, while the States share
at the end of the last fiscal year was
$52,429.
The gazette-times. [volume] (Heppner, Or.) 1912-1925, 1915-10-14
COUNTY SCHOOL NOTES

The writer has visited four schools
si,oo maxine forr,or ro,or+ In nj,
~
wv w. -o' N'0' ! 'Hoes 'oner'S
had just opened the term. Elght pu-
pills We're present. This school is
ouite we'll enninned now Tho now
oinn,o d,o,,. eo,. tto ,....,. .b
'eaoiie1S UesN' Ho" D''ehooaru' new
CLOCK, and closed jar for water all
add to the comfort and convenience
of tho room
n.
- D,''' Nv ''o' -''''' "s ~" MIS-
o,','i'io 10 an ~ ma 80 y, 'i,e "oi ~
'o 'o"'01" P"P''o ''i &c 'li' oiieu ms
soi'oo, ''oNeO " wy *" poiu'S VI
lou|ni"9 VIZ ''','u''i w. ne pupiiS
a aiu .ea0i'ei "te Ue'0i iil'leu 10 ieacll
''e 9'"n0"i u '"l9 Se'''' y possiole' !
no.eu wa, 'i'0 'l's was ~ 'ils ne
ne u a"9i", CIV " "iii0o" 9ii"ues ilaNe
:. pos'iDio W - u''''e '. 'io iiei.' IN
'ui'i's piei''' " i'e"' anu a'oiuihs
'io'0 rs NO al eN0ei4en' Jaohe'
sun loui'ue '"e s'oNe' Two me
ila.heu pio'oieS' '"e ne" ooohcase
anu 'ie ne" .iuoN 'uu iiiu''i " 'ne
"ppe"i "iioe VI .ie iooin'
WIS n,i'' S'ou,U .'i'e 10 AGAIN
leao'ihs '',e 'o'iooi III i'is.rict NO. oV'
HIS Soiiooi 10 iiuoi, 'iiiaiiei 'han US
uai vi "oooun' VI tie ilu,noei VI pu-
pms WIN nave eii'eieu ,iisn sc'iooi
.ii's year WV iain'i,es nave iio'eu
W 'o"h W give '''eil hisi sci'ooi pu-
plis 'lie auNan'"seS VI ''ie iiish schooi
anu nave a'eo .aAeii soiiie VI .he
sraue pupi''' me sonooi puiioihs
presents d iiore pieasiiie appearance
since IL mas receiVeu coa' VI paint
Mrs' Le'i.i" oie"ey 10 'e"onlhs 'ne
The gazette-times. [volume] (Heppner, Or.) 1912-1925, 1915-10-14
Federated Church.

Last Sunday was good day at the
Federated church. There was much
encouragement in the services, but
we hope for even better things next
Sunday. l would like to urge every
member of the Federated church,
(and let this include every member
of the NJ E. Church, South, as l am
serving them from this place., to be
present next Sunday II a. m. and
1880 p. m, and next Thursday at
1880 p. m, and at Sunday School
next Sunday at 9:45 a. m. You will
disappoint us and loose blessing if
you do not come. A cordial invita-
tion is given to all others who do
not go to other churches.
w. B. SMITH, Pastor.
The gazette-times. [volume] (Heppner, Or.) 1912-1925, 1915-10-14
New Agent at Lexington.

Elmer Slocum, who for the past
few years served as freight agent
for the O-W. R. & N. Co. in this city,
has been promoted to the position Of
station agent at Lexington. Mr.. Slo-
cum is making preparations to move
his family to Lexington in the near
future. New fixtures for the depot
have recently been installed by the
company there and that the Lexing-
ton station will be permanent is
shown by the many improvements
which are being made there. New
tracks for siding purposes are now
being constructed. Emery Hiatt has
taken Mr.. Slocum's position at Hepp-
ner.
The gazette-times. [volume] (Heppner, Or.) 1912-1925, 1915-10-14
O.-W. r.. 4 N. Officials i'm West End.

General Passenger agent William
McMurray, general freight agent H.
E. Lounsberry, Farmer C. L. Smith
and travelling agent James Miller of
the O.-W. R. & N. Co. spent several
hours in Stanfeld and Echo Sunday,
after returning from an inspection
of the new artesian gusher drilled
between Stanfield and Lexington re-
Gently. They spent some time in
looking over the country surrounding
these two towns and expressed them
selves as being greatly pleased with
what they saw; they promised to re-
turn at an early date for longer WIS.,
it and more thorough investigation
of the resources of this section
Oregon Optimist.
The gazette-times. [volume] (Heppner, Or.) 1912-1925, 1915-10-14
the wing berth next Saturday.


Last weekend a practice game was
played with a number of town boys.
The result, however, was not such as
to gladden. the hearts of the students,
for only after the unconditional town
boys became exhausted could the
high school lads make any yardage.
The poor showing was partially due
to the hospital list which reads like
roll call after battle, and partially
due to the change in formation back
to the old style pass.
Although things have gloomy as
pect in general, the turn out for prac-
tice has been better this week, which
may indicate general change for the
better.
The gazette-times. [volume] (Heppner, Or.) 1912-1925, 1915-10-14

Arthur Smith started reconstruc-
tion work on his Main street build
ing occupied by VIM. Haylor's jewelry
store this week. The old building
has been moved back about twenty
feet and a complete new structure
will be erected in front of it facing on
the street. T. G. Denisee has charge
of the work. When completed Mr..
Haylor will have an attractive store
room and much needed additional
floor space.
The gazette-times. [volume] (Heppner, Or.) 1912-1925, 1915-10-14
ROAD COMMITTEE
MAKES ITS REPORT
Heppner Commercial Club Secured
Right of Way for New Road
Above This City-Road Now
About Completed.

AS per their guarantee, the Hepp-
ner Commercial Club secured for
Morrow County, the right of way for
the new four mile road leading from
Heppner to the Hager bridge above
town. On the committee from the
club were ]. L. wilkins, W. w. Smead
and w. o. Minor. Since their work
has been completed they submit their
report for the inspection of the pub
lie.
The road was built by contract and
has been turned over to the county.
RECEIPTS
The gazette-times. [volume] (Heppner, Or.) 1912-1925, 1915-10-14
PORTLAND MAN TO SPEAK

Through the efforts of local par
ties, a good roads specialist will come
up from Portland to speak at the
Good Roads Meeting in lone on next
Friday, the 22nd. Just who this man
will be, we have not yet learned. An
attempt was first made to secure S.
Benson, of Columbia River highway
fame, but Mr.. Benson had just left
for a visit of several weeks in Cali
fornia.
oGod roads enthusiasts from over
the county will gather in lone next
Friday to discuss this question which
is holding he attention of nearly ev-
cry county in Oregon today.
The gazette-times. [volume] (Heppner, Or.) 1912-1925, 1915-10-14
Accepts Bank Of
lone Cashiership

Vawter Crawford, who for the past
five years has shaped and guided the
destinies of The GazetteTimes, has
accepted the position Of cashier of
the Bank of lone. He will move a
part of his family to that city as soon
as a suitable house can be secured,
there being at the present time a
great scarcity Of dwelling houses.
Mr.. Crawford still retains his in
terests in this paper, but the active
management of the same has been
turned over largely to his sons, Ar
thur and Spencer, who have been
with the paper almost continually
since the Heppner Gazette consolidat-
ed with the Times in 1912.
The gazette-times. [volume] (Heppner, Or.) 1912-1925, 1915-10-14
lone TAKES FIRST
GR|D|R0N GAME
The Morrow County Interscholastic
League Began Football Season
Saturday When Egg City
Boys Won a 80 to IL
Victory.

The football season was ushered
into Morrow county last Saturday
when the Lexington high school war
riors entertained on their local grid
iron in honor Of their ancient rivals,
the lone high school.
The day was rather a disagreeable
one for this outdoor sport, since the
wind was blowing and the air was
full of dust, but in spite of the ele-
ments, the side lines were filled with
rooters to cheer their respective
teams.
Although lone had by far the large
end of the score at the nd of the
game and brilliantly outplayed their
opponents at nearly every stage, the
last quarter found the Lexington
boys working the harder to over
come the great lead which their Egg
City rivals had run up in the early
part of the game. When the final
whistle blew, and the dust had finally
cleared away, it was found that lone
had won the game by 80 to Il
score. These thirty-nine points were
attained by lone largely by touch
downs resulting from large gains by
use of the forward pass. Lexington
seemed to have much trouble in get
ting onto this play and breaking it
up. At three different times during
the game, fullback Fat" Blake, of
lone, used his educated toe" in
kicking the ball fairly between the
goal posts from the field. 1t was not
until the last quarter that the Lex
ington boys took the offensive in very
earnest syle, and it was then that
they began series of line plunges
for good gains which finally resulted
in crossing Ione's goal. Carl Miller,
in the fullback position for Lexing-
ton proved the mainstay of the team.
Parker also carried the bail we'll, and
at one time advanced half the length
of the field before finally being
brought to earth.
The second game of the Morrow
County Interscholastic League will
be played on the depot grounds in
Heppner Saturday between Heppner
and Lexington, when Coach Motley
will send in his green and untried
team against Coach Barton's huskies
There was some doubt for awhile as
to whether the local team would take
part in any games so far as the lea
que was concerned, this year, there
being some disagreement about the
age limit. Heppner had two mem
bers, Scrivner and Clark, valuable
men, who are just few days over
twenty-one, and Coach Motley con-
tended they should be allowed to
play. He finally agreed not to use
them, in spite of the fact that it
leaves his team in badly weakened
condition.
The lineup representing the pur-
pie and gold in Saturdays contest
will contain the following men:
Hayes, quarter; Wright, full; and
Hughes and Smith, halves; Watten-
burger and Parker, ends; McCraw
and Judd, tackles; Slocum, Rich and
Groshen guards and Copenhaver, cen
ter.
The personel of the Lexington
team consists of l.. E. Duran, R. t.
Her, l.. G. SAKE, c. Mcmillan, R. G,
Reed, R. T. Mccormack, R. E. Au-
brey, @. Campbell, l.. H. White, r.
H. Parker, fullback, Miller and Allyn
substitute.
An admission price Of twenty-five
cents will be charged.
The gazette-times. [volume] (Heppner, Or.) 1912-1925, 1915-10-14
Will Have Factory.

Heppner will have a candy factory.
Not a factory of the big wholesale
supply kind, but just modern little
place with facilities large enough to
supply the local demand. John Max
we'll, of Waitsburg, Wn., has brought
an expert candy maker with him and
will soon open up his establishment
in the ubilding adjoining the Patter-
son G. Elder barber shop.
The gazette-times. [volume] (Heppner, Or.) 1912-1925, 1915-10-14
Kappa Sigma Pi Meet.

The Kappa Sigma Pi boys held
their regular meeting in their club
room in the Christian church Mon
day evening. After the regular order
of business, Garnet Barratt and Ken
meth Binns entertained the club with
an account of their recent trip to the
State Fair. Following this a feed"
was enjoyed.
The gazette-times. [volume] (Heppner, Or.) 1912-1925, 1915-10-14
Attend Grand Lodge,

Postmaster w. A. Richardson, ac-
companied by Mrs. Richardson, went
to Portland Sunday and they will
spend the week in that city. Mr..
Richardson will attend the Grand
Lodge of Knights of Pythias, going
as delegate from Doric Lodge No.
20 of this city.
The gazette-times. [volume] (Heppner, Or.) 1912-1925, 1915-10-14

First Mass, $50 a. m.
Second Mass, 1890 a. m.
Christian Doctrine, 1880 a. m.
Evening Devotions, 1880 p. m.
Weekly Mass, 1880 a. m.
Subject of the sermon at Second
Mass, "The Sin of Calumny." Sub
ject for sermon at Evening Devotions,
"The Testimony of the Martyrs is the
Truth of the Divinity of the Religion
Established by Jesus Christ"
The gazette-times. [volume] (Heppner, Or.) 1912-1925, 1915-10-14
Finish ThreShing.

The r. w. Turner threshing out
fit have just finished a successful
four weeks run. They completed the
season at the Mike Kenny ranch this
week. Grain in that section turned
out much better than was first
thought earlier in the season.
The gazette-times. [volume] (Heppner, Or.) 1912-1925, 1915-10-14
Card Of Thanks.

We desire to express our heartfelt
thanks to the many friends who so
kindly and ably assisted us during
the sad hours of our late bereave-
ment.
MRS. LENA BROCK.
MR.. and MRS. d. V. S. REID.
The gazette-times. [volume] (Heppner, Or.) 1912-1925, 1915-10-14

FOR SALE-3000 Posts lin town.
1Oc each. PHELPS GROCERY co.
The gazette-times. [volume] (Heppner, Or.) 1912-1925, 1915-10-14

DR.. Isabel Sedgwick, the I. o. 0. F..
Building.
The gazette-times. [volume] (Heppner, Or.) 1912-1925, 1915-10-14

Continued on Page 81
The Twin Falls times. [volume] (Twin Falls, Idaho) 1905-1916, 1915-07-30

Battle the body daily-an active
and clean skin relieves the lungs and
kidneys of much work.