davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington herald., 1915-01-03
TROUSERS
The Creases Run off Tangent.

No lircsidc could have been more peace
ful and happy tuan that of the BUwsers
at o'clock tn" other evening. Mrs.
BOwser had book in her hands, Mr.
ROwser the evening paper. and the fam
lily cat laid on the hearth rug and purred
and Chucklcd and decided that she had a
soft snap for the winter. Without, cold
winds blew and SnowfiakeS fell; within
were warmth and cheer and cOntentmcnt.
BY and by Mr. BowseF felt the influence
and he looked up from his paper and
said:
We'll now, this is home, What reas-
enable man could ask for more than
this"
Yes; it is cozy,'' answered Mrs. Bow
ser.
''IIo7, a man can leave a firesde like
this to hang out at n club is more than
| can make out. If all men had homes
like this there would be nothing but hap
piness in married life. Why can't all
wives be like you?'
Mrs Bowser took the alarm at once
Every wife knows that her husband is
dangerous when too good. She started to
say something about neiShbor's child
being sick, but he interrupted her with:
Yes; l suppose so, hut it is probably
owing to the mothers carelessness. l
was thinking today that ! was not half
surrounded me. Do you know that If
hadn't married just the right sort of
wife [ might have turned out bad
bad man.
am Eldu ana SallSlleu lndl you are
happy" she replied, but don't you think
it. dreadful the way some of the COal-Cart
men use their poor horses? One was 60
ing past here today when"
Il know nothing about Coal-cart
horses" he Chipped in, but / do know
that 7 have the incest little wife in all
the world. Where would l be tonight
but fOr YOU and this scene of comfort and
happiness? Put away your book and let's
talk. | presume you think there are
times when l don't fully appreciate you,
but even when | get mad and storm
around I never lose sight of your many
good qualities. And, too. you know
am always sorry for giving way to my
temper. 1t is fully good Of you to over
look my feelings
Mrs. BOwser was in for it, and there
was no escape. She couldn't faint away,
and she could think of no excuse to get
out of the house. She therefore smiled
and replied:
We get along as well as most folks
What is the news from China today"
Yes, YOU are always willing to over
look my faults he continued as he
reached out his foot and toyed with the
cat. and | want you to know that l ap-
prcciate it to the fullest extent. Didn't
you say something about a new dress
the other day.
IF did. l can wait for another month
or two"
There is no need OF waiting a day. In
the morning | will give you $50 for a
new dress. As YOU may need other
The Washington herald., 1915-01-03

- Y =
want yos to think you are tied to the
house. And how about new carpets and
furniture"
I'VE don't need any"
Thanks to you. and l appreciate it.
BY George, but when ] remember how
many rows I have raised over nothing
at all ] wonder that you haven't been
driven to get a divorce. | expect there
are plenty OF women who would have
turned on me with the poker. Can you
ever forgive me?'
Mrs. BOwser was determined to change
the subject and avert the calamity. and
bright thought came to her.
You took pair of trousers to the
tailor the other evening to be pressed, -
she said as she rose up.
Yes, and has he sent them home?"
They came up this afternoon and are
in that bundle over there. / wonder II
there are any buttons missing?'
The package was united. and Mr.. Bow
ser held them UP to view. He had taken
them to the tailor TO have the Creases
renewed, and tine tailor seemed to have
made an excellent job of it. Mr.. BOwser
was about to lay them aside. with a nod
Of satisfaction. when he gave a sudden
start of surprise, and the smile his face
had worn during the last half hour was
replaced by a look of sternness.
What is it, she asked
He took one leg OF the trousers and
stretched it out at arms length and
squinted along the crease like a man
looking along the edge of a board
You took this package in?' he asked
as he finished squirting along the leg.
YES"
And you knew they were my trous-
ers?''
of course. What is wrong with
them
What is wrong with them?' he re-
peated as his neck began to grow red.
IF YOU Were the sort of a wife you ought
to be, you'd know what was wrong with
them. You'd have known it hours ago
and brought that tailor to book instead
of assisting him in his chicanery."
But wh0t is it,"
Cant your own eyes tell you? Look
along these CreaSes. Do you follow a
The Washington herald., 1915-01-03

oh. YOU vhiU pay, eh: thought you
would come to your buttermilk. Nhas
going to make you pay S25. but being you
are willing TO settle l Vhill let you of
for two dollars.
But if der odder mans vhas a fraud
how do l know dot you amt dot same"
l ask.
What. What" he shouts. Hans.
tax ten t'ousand dollar und your SEN
tence to prison one tousand years!
But If l pay / like some receipt.
You shall haf one"
Ind nc writes one und signs her Tom
Collins. und says I shall have no more
tax to pay for ten years.
1t vhas shust one more week when a
man comes in und looks all around und
says to himself:
Yes. dis must be der place"
Den he looks at me und says:
Yes. und dis must be Hans, der Cob
bier
What you talk like dot for?' I says.
He takes out his handkerchief und
wipes his eyes und whispers:
1T is hard, hard, but l must do my
duty
Il don't say nottings. und he goes on:
1T Will break his wife's heart und
make his shilren cripples for life, but
must do my sworn duty
''vaas YOU crazy" l says. but he don't
look at me as he says:
He vhas 4 poor old Dootchman und
an honest man. und he Vhill neffer know
my sadness At being Obliged TO send him
up for twenty years, md fine him fifteen
thousand dollars
BY golly. but vhas you some income
tax man." 7 says.
Alas. yes.'
Ind do you como here to get some tax
Of me-
Ala. some more
Il pay twice over, und don't pay some
more"
Dots what I Grieve about. 1t vhss too
late TO nav me. Der time VhaS bV.
und you must go by der prison. Do you
fore you go?
But tell you l pay two men,
Der grief of his wife shall be some-
rings fierce" he says, as he wipes away,
'und der grief OF a woman ALWAYS un-
mans me. l haf sworn to do my duty.
but he is a good old mans und his wife
is a nice womans, und IL he would slip
a dollar und a half into my hand / be-
lief I go back to der office und reporI
dot he vhas dead. Den nopOdy comes TO
him for dot tax any more"
Nhell, IL vhas better dot pay him und
don't go by some prisons but when he
goes ayhay I shut oop der shop und
goes oafer to seek some advice of dot
little German tailor. He hears all about
II und den says:
Hans, you shall sell your head TO some
glazieT to putty in glass;
What vhas some matter init me?'
You vhas der biggest fool in
America"
But Il man comes for dot income
tax don't i haf to pay him.
Ind dot tailor whispers in my ear for
The Washington herald., 1915-01-03

Nv Dear Mr. President: Although you
announced prey iOus to election that you
would not accept second term, of course
that was pure bluff, and so understood.
YOU will work tooth and tOenaIi for IL,
md. being your postmaster here. and
wishing to hang 10 my job, l shall aid
You all l can
| want you know the people OF Jericho
Is they are, so when YOUR little second
Icrm begins to boom we can lay our
wires understandingIy. As goes Jericho
- goes the President.
Lish Billings. Almer Jones. and Moses
Plumber hev bin holdin Jericho back
for the last two years from hcvin' new
-chooIhousc. The matter has come up
and hin hotly argued. but they couldn't
hr budSed. The other night mighty
smart lOollin' stranger was Stoppin IN
town. and il WIS arranged that he drop
m on the crowd and take the schOolhOuse
side and put the thTe. INSTRUCTORS on
their backs. The stranger was on hand
At the hour NAMED, and when the proper
mint arrived Squar Joslyn speaks up
and SAYS:
Stranger if you was a resident of
this town. would You be fur the school
house or aC'in en-
I'd he fur it. Of course" replied the
man I'd vote for the cause Of Cduca-
tiun If / had To live on one meal day-
II is education that makes a nation. The
less education the more vice and wicked
u..<S.'
That's jest the way / look at It,, says
The SUUar. 7 say education before
everything else: but we've got men in
this town who differ with me. You
wouldn't think that Ieadin' men Of a
town would he aC'in schoOlhouses. would
Your
They must Ice queer sort "f men.
Don't they want their children 10 know
who discovered America o."
'Thars Il mighty strong pint. mighty
strong" says Deacon Spuuncr. As he
tumks his cane on III" floor and looks at
.\hnr" .IOn"~.
II reckon you're. hittin at me- re
IIi- Ahu,r. after whittln' away for
mint '"1d I've cot Il f"w words to say.
The Washington herald., 1915-01-03
P. D. Q. INTERVIEWS
An Interview with Senator and His WhiSkers

THAT newspaper clipping is all darn
nonsense" replied the whiskers.
1T surely is added the senator.
Then the country will heave a sigh Of
relief. Senator, may l ask if You have
ever used dye ON Your priceless treas
urc"''
Never. sir
''Is there chance that YOU may fall
asleep in barber chair, and that the
man Of the razor may steal your whis-
kers and fly the country"
y have my own barber, sir. and he is
under bond
You're not 4 drinking man. Of course.
but II may happen some day that you
have thirst on you.
You step into gildcd palace of sin TO
quench IT,
You order vichy
The barkcep takes notice of your
whiskers. and ne cOvets them and gives
into back room and Your whiskers
sawed Off close to your skin. Can you
realize what jar this country would
feel over it,
Il never go into giIded palace with
out the Senator from Colorado with NE.
He holds the place up with a gun while
That is wise, but can't you realize
that question may arise any day in
the Senate on which you and the Senator
from South Carolina will be opposed
He is u daTned good feller."
so are YOU, but you may call each
other liars"
Possibly. but what of it?''
Just this: Promise ne that if he jumps
for your whiSkerS you will run away
sooner than let him seize and yank them.
That yank would be felt the length and
breadth of the country"
Il should do my best" said the Sena-
tor
And if your auto is headed for a teIe-
graph pole, turn your head aside. Don't
let your whiskers receive the shock.
"Humph,'
And don't get gay with tho boxing
gloves. Your opponent may swing with
his right TO knock your blooming head of
and miss the point and knock your whis-
keTs across a ten-acre lot
impossible
And the American public demands
The Washington herald., 1915-01-03
SAM WASN'T THERE.

When the news of the Haytian revoIu
ton reached the outside world, a middle
aged man rushed into the telegraph office
in Pittsburgh and called out:
Can this be true about the Haytian? -
=, suppose it is replied the man at
the counter.
But | have a brother over there
"Yes?"
And he is a fellow who is always mix
ing up in revolutions. Greatest hand to
butt into revolutions you ever saw
rs that SOP
And he was sure to butt into this
one. Yes, sir; he'd be right at the front"
''Yes?''
And he's probably killed. Say, amt
there no way ! can find out?'
Il doubt it. You see, you don't know
exactly where he is. to begin with, and
In the next place"
"Oh. but / do know was interrupt
ed. He's at Pasadena"
Why, man, that's in California"
You don't say
''Of course II is
Well, that greatly relieves my mind.
But an. poor Sam, He must be chew
ing all the old rags in the State to think
there was a thirty-Tound scrap and he
wasn't in IT,
The Washington herald., 1915-01-03

W THL Cr9'C TE-,e, WAS AT t+orHs.
,a ..k' &" ask this ~I.Iurcr il Ec knows
~ b." dlscu,,r.d Nm,.r.ic.l"
NhH. r,rtirUi1. sir said Ih" man.
"lI4~ % ,v"r tu~' E"r0 any %"pdr Has
il ever u.#G,. amy djff.-,Ir"" {" you Uhvth-
e U W. smith. Green. or EruWn"'
"I;ut IL - knowledge.
Yes. ir> knuwl'u-'. AMI that's 4
81 "u= Urut. whispers fh" deacon.
''Nr>, IT. >rhn"lhoII~.' ku"wlrGpc. SAY =
N.r"r. "hU: I"r M" .rsH Won SunIhiu
Nnt1 n"nul ia IN" year dy"u plant
l'. uH,liiu seeds"
"Iumrkim s,"d=' Why. q I.:,t ha- pump
hrn seeds cot &" d" with '"Iu,aiiunH''
CANT" a. IIll. "ti. { r'''."r. This cuun-
~ ships u9m pumpkins .y"'y year 10
.....h, .,.s"'Hw '"-r,ut pie. don't I've
'u'', i,n farmers kin tell YOU when
N.H'rr:f WIS di~,uN ,'r"d hut they know
wh"u ;u pi:iur pumpkins. Which is The
i".-' I"n. 'm" : reckon lur kin tell what
500 G'"rU,. WIShn-Iuu died Im. which
'aut. hGr YOU IuuW whHr &C., Ia~t.u
g'f". wnor ,"u want {" dviH" a hog to
l.lrkri.
,'i:y im-". .u' that's :, strung pint. and
\hmrr s. -Ot him. shouts thu deacon as
u" Jumps UP and dawn
TIN" STRANGER Hup.ar.I to hc sort Of
"u1U~'d aud taken down. hut tried tn
.'1 "Ut "f U hN sryiu they wcT" Iritin
Htn the SUhJorl
Il M "rr "s ISN'T opposed 10 schools
The Washington herald., 1915-01-03

On men. on" and then got hit in the
stomach with club and il was descend
ing from the sublime to the ridiculous
and I was GUyed until l had to resign
and come home. Can you sympathize
with me?''
II think I can. but
But he got no further. He broke ont
in laughter and was doubled up in his
chair for fully five minutes Then when
he looked around for the man who had
been hit with u club that individual was
nowhere in sight.
The Washington herald., 1915-01-03
DER GERMAN COBBLER
He Has His Troubles with the Income Tax

Den I shall gir you five minutes to bid
them a fearful farewell
ISy Eolly. hut what vhas oOp." I says.
You try to Ecat der government out Of
your income tax"
1t is not so. l pay him two weeks
ago.
Who YOU pay him to-
ITO dot collector who comes here
IF you pay to a collector he vhas a
fraud, und YOU must pay again or go to
jail
But he SAYS he vhas der United
States"
''Hu, He can't he even der State OF
Rhode Island. und YOU ought to haf
known il. Look at me, | vhas der United
The Washington herald., 1915-01-03

by hunters. 1t was a big tangle. full
of snakes and wildcats, and even berry
pickers took good care not to penetrate
two far. 1t flashed over me that the
stolen horses instead of being run out Of
the State had been Corralled in this
swamp to wait until the hue and cry
was over. Within two hours | had start
ed for the swamp. accompanied by a con-
stable. By pure good luck after a tramp
of half day We came upon a trail
showing the footprints of horses, and
The Washington herald., 1915-01-03

Il should like to so ut least once a
week.
''It shall he twice or three times and
we'll got up card parties for the other
evenings. Would you like to keep a sec
Ond Girl?''
"Oh. no. You see, there is 50 little to
up stairs"
If you want one, just say so. don't
The Washington herald., 1915-01-03

straight line or do they wabbie and
crook"
They seem to be straight" replied
Mrs. BOwser after squinting.
But they are not, and I believe you
have known II for hours, Soc there.
These CreasCs are at least three inches
out of true at the bottom. and what will
be the effect when | put the trousers on?
will look to he a bOw-lcgged man, of
The Washington herald., 1915-01-03

two minutes, und I vhas wiser man.
Maybe IL vhas two weeks, later when a
man comes in uEd says vhas | Hans der
cObbler. don't speak a word. but 1
shumpS for him und knocks him down
und black his eyes. A policeman comes
und pulls me OFF. und den l find out dot
The Washington herald., 1915-01-03

der man don't want any tax. but would
like ME to make him a pair OF shoes for
sefen dollars. He says he don't blame
me, however. as der United States haf
been after him six different times, und
he has efen become afraid of his milk
man.
The Washington herald., 1915-01-03

that you look out for rats nights. They
have been known to chew up a wolf robe
In two hours"
That is all. SIR said whiskers and the
Senator as they arose together
'An. sir. except there should he q
clause in your will leaving the Whisker5
to the United States, to be placed in 4
glass case on top of Plymouth Rock
fOod-hy, Senator-good-by. whlskers."
The Washington herald., 1915-01-03

following 1t to the very center OF the
swamp We came upon the whole twelve
stolen animals. Feed had been brought
into them by another trail
II was . fine plant we uncovered
The Dawson news. (Dawson, Ga.) 1889-current, 1915-07-06
HAPPENINGS FROM HEROD.
Personal Items and Local Paragraphs
of Interest.

Oh lnUCfCSJs
Mr.. ]. H. Kelley entertained at a
dinner party this week. The menu
was substantial and delicious. He
was assisted in entertaining by his
daughters, Miss Marie Kelley and
Mrs. Lila Corbin. Covers were laid
for sixteen.
All are cordially invited to attend
the prayer and praise service Friday
at 1880 p. M, at which time Rev.
John F. Eden will begin a series of
revival meetings.
Mr.. and Mrs. Dennis have returned
from a pleasant visit to Fit. Gaines.
While there they attended a Clay
county barbecue, which was immense.
Rev. Mccoy and Mr.. D. B. Smith of
Ackworth and Mr.. Dave Smith of
near Dawson have visited Mr.. George
Smith.
DR.. Elm Collum went to Putney
last week to visit his father, who was
quite sick. He left him much i'm
proved.
Mr.. and Mrs. j. C. Miller and Miss
Johnnie Will Kelly of Dawson were
Sabbath guests at the Kelley home.
Mrs. j. L. Haas, Miss Florine Coker
and Miss Elinor Hass will visit in
Grovania this week.
Quite a number from here attend
ed the annual meeting at Chickasaw-
hatchee church.
Mr.. and Mrs. Latham of near Daw-
son have visited Mr.. and Mrs. G. l..
Smith.
Mr.. Jim Polk McI4ain will arrive
home Friday from Atlanta for short
visit.
Mr.. and Mrs. Jim IBrim of Sasser
have visited Mr.. and Mrs. j. E. Brim.
Mr.. G. M. Harris came UP from
Panacea and spent the weekend.
Several from here attended the
ball games in Americas Monday.
Mrs. Steve Fulford and children
spent the weekend in Dawson.
Mrs. w. A. Eubanks of Dawson
has visited Miss Lucy Hass.
Mrs Will Massey of Bronwood will
visit Mrs. Dennis this week.
Miss Alma McLain will return from
Panacea, Fla, this week.
Mr.. and Mrs. E. P. McLendon have
visited Dawson relatives.
Mr.. J. H. Kelley attended the dis
trict conference in Cuthbert.
Miss Hildah McRee of Dawson has
visited Mrs. j. E. Brim.
Mr.. Steve Fulford has made bus
mess trip to Smithville.
Mr.. Frank Cocker of Yeomans has
visited relatives here.
Mr.. VIM. Mount of Sasser has Wis
tied here.
Mrs. Joe Battle has visited Sasser
relatives.
Miss Lois Smith has visited in
Dawson.
The Dawson news. (Dawson, Ga.) 1889-current, 1915-07-06

DR.. Hughes is making wonderful
cures and giving great satisfaction in
the treatment of stubborn chronic
troubles. He successfully treats
rheumatism, stomach and kidney
eczema and skin troubles, pellagra
tuberculosis, dropsy, rectal ailments
without knife or pain, and in fact all
chronic diseases by the latest serum
treatments, as well as the successful
electrical, kiropractic and Machano,
thero-methods.
He gives diseases of women and
children special attention.
Growth on the eyes removed
knife or pain. We visit your city so
people in the shortest time and let
We succeed after others fail, so no
others say call and consult us FREE,
18th. Don't forget the date nor
The Dawson news. (Dawson, Ga.) 1889-current, 1915-07-06
BRIEFS FROM BRONWOOD.
Social News Items and Personal Men
ton From That Community,

The Bachelor Girls Club has is
sued in vitations to large recep-
ton and linen shower to be given
on the afternoon Of Tuesday, July
goth, at home of Miss Martha Gun
nels in honor of Mrs. John Lester
Miller and Mrs. John Starr Sapping
ton.
Miss Ode Dozier entertained the
Bachelor Girls Club Wednesday at
tina home of Mrs. George Gammage.
The club will meet this week with
Miss Hattie May Gammage.
Mrs. Seaborn Jefferson Hargrove
has issued cards announcing the mar
riage of her daughter, Sara O'Brien,
to DR.. John Starr SappingtOn on
Thursday, June oath.
Miss Madeline Brady Of Americas,
who has been the guest of Miss Eliz-
abeth Hudson left Friday for her
home, Miss Hudson returning with
her.
Mrs. ]. G. Mann, who has been the
guest of Mrs. B. F. Laney, left Sat
urday for Asheville, ~ c., where she
will be the guest Of Mrs. Glenn Morris.
Miss Alice Claire Ellerbee of Shell
man, who has been the guest of Miss
Pearl Hale in Smithville, is expected
today to visit Miss Loda Berry.
Miss Priscilla Stroud of GAINESVILLE
is expected today to be the guest of
her sister, Mrs. r. E. Bowman.
DR.. and Mrs. J. B. Stapleton of
Dawson spent Sunday at the home of
Mr.. Hadley Stapleton.
Miss Alice Miller left Monday with
a party from Dawson on a fishing
trip to Panacea.
Mr.. B. w. Mayo of Richland spent
last week with ribs daughter, Mrs. E.
C. Webb.
Mrs. A. A. CapeI and children have
returned from a visit in Louisville,
Ala.
Miss Loda Berry was histess at
spend-the-day party Wednesday.
Miss Nanelle Ellerbee of Shellman
is the guest of Miss Loda Berry.
Miss Clara Fleming left Thursday
for Oglethorpe to visit relatives.
Mr.. and Mrs. E. c. Webb and chill
dren spent Sunday at Sumter.
Mr.. and Mrs. E. c. Webb recently
visited in Richland.
Mr.. and Mrs. Ed Massey are Wis
iting in Sumner.
Mr.. John Webb of Sumter was here
Saturday.
The Dawson news. (Dawson, Ga.) 1889-current, 1915-07-06
SPECIALISTS COMING
The Successful E we and Chronic Disease
Specialists of Atlanta to be in Dawson
One Day Only, Saturday, July III
And Give Free Consultation.
Drs j. R. Hughes and KennOn Mott Who Have Offices in
the Atlanta Trust Bldg, Relieve Headaches Nervous
ness, and Attain Good Health By New Methods,
and Scientifically Measure Eyes for Glasses.
Satisfaction Guaranteed.

Kennon Mott, descendant of the
most celebrated surgeon, Dr.. Valen-
tine Mott, of New York, is an eye
specialist of long standing and expo
rience, and is doing marvellous eye
work. He is correcting sight after
all hope was given up, so no matter
how bad your case is call and SEQ
him. Children's eyes given special
care. Cross eyes straightene1 with
out knife or pain. Some eyes are
corrected so glasses need not be
worn. Growths on the eyes removed
without knife or pain, and cataracs5
absorbed in first stages.
and cataracts absorbed without
as to reach the largest number of
you know what good we can do you.
matter how bad your case nor what
rain or shine, at the Dawson Inn, July
hesitate to call.
The Dawson news. (Dawson, Ga.) 1889-current, 1915-07-06
SETTINGS FROM sAsSER.
Interesting Batch of News Items from
Our Correspondent

Our Correspondent.
Mrs C. M. Bozeman died at this
place June 29th after many years of
affection. PelIagra ended her life,
and while we mourn over her depart
ure we feel that our loss is her gain
for now she is free from the pains
that distracted her body. To the hus
band and other relatives We offer our
deepest sympathy.
The friends of Mrs. James Warner
and Mrs. Thomas Warner will be glad
to know that they are now able to sit
up and enjoy the breezes on the We
randas.
Mrs. G. G.. Jordan gave a delight
full social to the young ladies Friday
night Punch was served and games
played.
Misses Essie Davis and Corrie
Johnston and Mr.. Fred Davis have
visited relatives at Weston.
Mr. George McLendon and Mr.. AL
muth Johnston attended preaching at
Chickasa whatchee Sunday.
Sasser played some very interest
ing games OF Ddli mere tf+5t Weeh Win
Edison and Parrot.
Rev. Frank Smell and Mr. Marvin
Brown attended the district confer
ence at Cuthbert.
Miss Emma Jordan has returned
from a visit to Georgetown, but IS
now quite sick.
Several from Sasser attended the
Stephens barbecue at Chickasaw-
hatchee Friday
Mr.. w. E. Brim and grandson, Mr.
W. E. Lanier. have returned from
Townsville.
DR.. o. G. Crawford and wife and
Miss Renalee Stevens motored to Sale
City Sunday
Mrs. J. H. Lewis gave a dining Fri
day in honor of her guest, Miss Ste
vens.
Mrs. Buxton of Macon visited her
brother, Mr.. Rutland, last week.
Miss Louise Jordan is visiting rela-
tiyes in Thomasville