Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1915-03-25
HEARD ON THE STREET

HEARD ON THE STREET =
*ss =
o, come, my love, the jitney
Waits; the nickel's in
My purse. My sparker snaps at all
the Fates, for better or
For worse. Let's jit in Joy while life
Is June; five coppers pays
The bill. So come and jitney meath
The moon, along the low-grade
Hill. While all the world is
Smooth as glass, while all our tires
Are spry, there's bliss in every quart
OF gas; let's hit life on
The high. So come and be my jitney
Queen; nick is all my
Hoard Who cares for grief or,
Gasoline? Come mount
My trusty Ford.
If guy tells the truth others will
accuse him of turning states evil
dence.
Some of our idle men might find
employment in dragging the roads.
1t would result in a treat for both.
There was some talk on the streets
the other day that there might be a
prosecution for an Audubon man
violating the Man act"
An Audubon man approached a
newly made friend and asked him If
he favored the Germans. He said he
did. Then said he I'VE are neutral"
l.
The taking of the census in Audi
bon reveals the fact that there are
81 widows-grass and otherwise.
But why should that be so astonish-
ing. We don't hear anything about
the number of bachelors.
There's a man in this town who
buys couple of pounds of walnuts
every week and eats most of them
himself And some folks think that's
what ails him. But he won't quit,
somehow another, until the squirrels
get after him.
The young fellows in this town
have come to regard the night watch
as a menance to their liberty. Not
so II you deport yourselves as gentle
unquestionable stunts is about a
thing of the past.
A number of young lads were re-
Gently called before "hizzoner" on a
charge of disorderly conduct. The in
formation he got from them wouldn't
fill a large volume. In the absence
of securing the proper information,
one of them was told to hit the
grit"
The latest application of the term
"jitney" is in reference to some
stupid geek who is about half spit
fiicated and yet able to navigate the
streets by the maritime system of
lacking, and who knows Just enough
to know he is drunk but knows not
enough to go home. This is to be
known as a ''jitney jag"
1t is quite probable that Audubon
will yet have base ball team this
coming season. An attempt at or
ganizing a club recently resulted in
diversified opinion of who should
be the members of the club. A few
nights later another attempt was
made. After deciding who should be
the manager the meeting ended in a
deadlock and 1t was impossible to
transact any further business. The
fever will rise to the point of COM
bustion before long and the boys will
voluntarily find themselves going to
bat.
The manufacturers of suit cases
are looking for improved business
conditions in Iowa. We noticed quite
a brigade coming up from the North
western depot the other evening. At
the head of the procession were two
very heavily loaded suit cases and
from the way the two young lads
hung onto the straps, one would
judge they imagined they were strap
hangers in a street car. Unfortunate
ly the handle had broken. The pur-
chasers should demand of the manu-
facturers a better grade of leather
for the handles.
Two or three years ago when you
met fashionably attired woman on
the street you were strongly remind
ed of an open umbrella. Topped off
with big picture hat were a tight
skirt and high heel shoes. But when
you meet the same lady today on the
street-what a change. This time
she looks like big exclamation
point, upside down. She is wearing
large fiat heeled shoes, full flowing
skirt, tight fitting jacket and a hat
that puts a head on pin to shame,
as far as size is concerned. II doesn't
take long to run the gamut of ex-
tremes in the world of fashion.
A little misunderstanding brought
on dispute in one of our business
houses the other day. One party
pitched his voice in the Treble Clef
while the other one modestly took
the baritone obligato, until the grand
chorus was reached. Like all other
grand operas, there were no casual
ties and no blood was shed. The
wordy conflict ensued until the eli
max was reached. Through tear
dinned eyes the baritone saw the
weekly paycheck fade away where
upon he retreated. After the sur
render the pipe of peace" was in
dulged in and the esteem" dollar mys-
terry was solved.
The Iowa legislature passed bill
| in the senate this week that will
make Il hard shading for the boys
who have heretofore made use of
their automobiles by carry passen-
gers to and fro to thirst parlors In