Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1915-08-22
HUMAN FLIES.


Oh, for a human fy-swatter! That
is. for some sort of swatter that
would obliterate the human fly.
The most prominent trait Of a ny is
his ability and disposition to bother.
He is essential, concentrated bother
aciousness.
He is the arch intruder. He il the
type of the unwelcome. His business
is to make you quit what you are do
ing and attend to him.
He makes the busy cook cease her
bread making to shoe him away. He
disturbs the sleeper to brush him off.
He is president and chairman of the
executive committee OF the amalgamat-
ed association of all pesterers. irri
tators and nuisances.
The human fly is the male or female
of the genus homo who Is like the
housefy
Some children are flies. They are so
, i'll bred and undisciplined that they
perpetua1ly annoy their mother until
her nerves are frazzled, and make life
| miserable for any guests that may be
, in the house. 1t may be well to be
kind and thoughtful toward the little
darlings, but the first lesson child
should be taught is so to govern him.
self as not to be bother. There are
respectful, considerate and unobtrusive
children-alas, too few!
There are fly wives. Realizing their
own pettiness, they gain their revenge
by systematically Irritating the hus-
band. They make a weapon OF their
| weakness. They soon acquire the art
of Fostering. nipping and buzzing. keep
/ the man in a perpetual temper, and
blame him for it. You can't talk to
them. Nothing can cure them but an
eleven-foot swatter. And they don't
| sell them.
Soma man ara iuat &c had Married
| to a superior woman such a man IS IN :
wardly CALLED by his own conscious In
| feriority. So he bedevils her In ways
indirect. He enjoys seeing her In a
keeps her on edge. His persecution Is
all the more unbearable because it is
the unconscious expression OF his NY
ma ure. Also for him there is no cure
| but to wait till he lights some time and
| swat him with some giant, Gargantuan
| swatter. And they're all out of these,
| too, at the store.
| There are office flies. likewise, who
get into your room. occupy your ex-
| ira chair and buzz you for an hour
upon some subject that you don't care
a whoop in Halifax about. Your in
herent politeness prevents you from
kicking them out. humanity will not
let you poison them and there is a law
against shooting them. There ought
to be an open season for office flies.
Where the human flies are proudest
in their function of Righteousness,
however, is in a meeting. Wherever
you have a conference, a committee
meeting or a convention. there they
| buzz, tickle and deblatterate. They
keep the majority waiting while they
air their incoherence. They suggest.
| amend and raise objections They
never do anything. 1t is their business
to annoy people who do things.
I do not wish to seem unkind to my
| fellow Great lures. but 1t does seem as
| II to all legislatures, conventions and
other gatherings there should be an
anteroom where the human flies could
be gently but efficaciously swatted:
There are Senate flies. as well as
| House flies, politicians whose notion of
their duty appears to be that they
should vex, tantalize and heckle the
opposing party at every point.
And the name Of the devil himself is
Beelzebub; which being interpreted
means Lord of Flies"