The Washington times., 1915-08-25
Time Rapidly Approaching When
Blue Ribbons Will Be Pinned
on Carburetors.
Farmer Who Can Grow the
Largest Non-Skid Tire Is
Destined to Rural Fame.
By BUGS" BAER.

From indications ut Rockville. the day
isn't far distant when blue ribbons will
be pinned to carburetors instead Of
Snug bovines: when a load of home-
raised magnetos will crowd out the
summer squash. and the farmer who
can raise the biggest non skid tire on his
farm will drag down all the cash prizes
which now 30 to the owner OF the 81
gantic beet or tomato.
While ostensiblv an exhibition of live
stock and products Of the soil. the fair
is really an exposition Of the mechanical
strides made by the suburban brothers
and sisters In the last decade.
Edwin Markham's brother to the OK
Is now only distantly related to that
docile animal. If the white whiskered
poet were to issue a 1915 model OF his
famous poem, he would be forced TO
make 1t brother to the motor" or see
his sales agency close its doors for lack
Of patronage
While etill keen for the bangtaIls and
the festive PAGER. Rockville county
cheered the exciting finishes from the
cool secluson of the Limousine. cabriolet.
and landaulet. Cousin Cy is perfectly
willing to raise horses. but some other
sucker has to ride 'em. THc nags winch
hoofed it around the inside Of the track
were outnumbercd 100 to by the AUTO
mobiles which lined the outside.
And no longer does Ma wear a coun-
tenance as furrowed as the truck patch
from the long hours Of toll over tho tub
or churn. The only thing not done by
machinery on the farm today is reading
the latest illustrated magazine. and Ma
reads that while the III old o-horse-
power motor pumps the water, churns
the butter. separates the cream and
SKIM washes the clothes. and shoos
away the pestiferous automobile agents.
The ancient hired man who used t.
swill up on hard cider. and not do his
work: Is replaced by the hired man
who swills up on gasolene-and does
his work all the better. There isn't
chore on the farm today that some
rural Thomas Edison hasn't invente
ma chine for. They've even got ma
chimes for raising eggs and mort
cages off the old homestead.
Even II methods have changed At
the old county fair. manners haven't,
and the old customs and costumes
still remain. You can still have your
palm read by the grandmother Of
the beautiful gypsy girls picture on
the outside of the tent. During the
seance, the same old dark waters and
TAIL, udTk COlnpleAlOneu threatening <
gentleman leap into your future from
the mysterious shuffling of the finger
oiled cards. The customary dash into
the bright sunlight elects them from
your young life. but the same liz
thrill down your spinal column still
of William Jennings Bryan expound
the virtues of a life-giving oil.
Speaking Of doubles, which We
weren't. either the ex-Premier Of
State or his twin brother is bally-
hooing out at the Rockville Fair. The
the price Of admission. especially II
you horn in on pass. William Jen-
nings the Twice is the proprietor of
a marvellous oil which will cure any
thing from nothing to everything.
And he certainly can extoll its vir-
lures. The Boy Orator of the Platte
never had thing on his double when
1t comes to vibrating the chin. The
only barker who drags the hicks
away from their dimes any faster
than he. is the proprietor of a chance
taking paddle wheel.
William the Second doesn't put all his
eggs into one basket however. Not
content with the magic siren of his
voice. he has cabaret of darky i'm
personators, who are genuine. One
put on with a burnt cork, edifies the
populace by actually drinking a bucket
of water containing several gallons of
the fluid. He may have a hollow leg,
hut that is the only deception possible.
He cmDties the bucket in fun view of
the crowd, who then proceed to XIII
each other in the rush to purchase the
marvellous oil from w. ]. Bryan. ir
While falling to see the connection be-
tween oil and water, STILL as the genial
barker admits. even If the oil amt any
good the cabaret was worth the money.
Another keen como 'sscur of hlm,n
nature Is the gent who apparently runs
q candy paddle whee!. There Is abso-
lutely no gambling about the device. as
the fortunate possessor Of the winning
paddle Is entitled to a richly decorated
box of candy. In case he hasn't a
sweet tooth In his skull. he can sci! the
candN back for 80 cents. All the winners
sell the candy back, as rule. At each
turn of the wheel. the sharp student of
human nature sells seven paddles for Is