The daily Alaskan., 1915-01-21
A Bachelor , s Complaint
By F. A. MITCHELL

am a bachelor, and propose to re main a bachelor Heaven forbid that I should be tied by unbreakable chains to one Of those paradoxical, unreason. able, illogical creatures, a woman.
 Why my bosom friend, Jim Brown had to put a Grebrand between him. self and me cant imagine. We were ] Inseparable. l never felt at home with any other person as with him, and without me he did not know what to do with himself. Suddenly there pop ped up between us-what? Clothes many clothes, clothes varying in cut | with every season. And within these | clothes was a woman.
 There Is nothing unreasonable about me. would have been perfectly will. Ing that Jim should go to see this 1 much adorned grownup child once a week and stay till in the morning If he liked. 1 certainly would never have thought of being jealous of one who Is not endowed with spark of manliness. But she was not satisfied with this. She wanted him all the time. And Jim. poor beggar, was so under her thumb that she did what she liked with him.
 Then she must needs nag at him to bring me to see her. Why she wished to meet me was a puzzle. l certainly had no desire to meet her. DO bring your friend He must be a lovely man since you are so fond of him." And Jim was fool enough to believe that she wanted to meet ne because l was "a lovely man."
 Just as soon as they were engaged there was friction as to the evenings she wanted Jim and those l wanted him. l. being a reasonable creature was willing to divide Jim's evenings with her Not so she If Jim made an engagement with me she would make him break it.
 Despite all this pulling and hauling for Jim's cOmpanionship. he must bring that "lOvely" friend of his to see her. refused to go. This frightened Jim for he said that 1t would create an enmity between her and me that would be unpleasant all round l gave h to Jim-nOt to her.
 Considering what she wanted me for her treatment of me was remarkable You would have thought she was in love with me instead of Jim. I'm aw fully glad to see your she said. all smiles. i've heard so much about you that 1t seems l have known you q long while. You have no idea how fond Jim Is of you. You must come and see me often. Any one that Jim speaks of so highly must be very nice" ."
 If you had heard the intOnation she gave the words ''very nlce' you would have realized the Irony between the beginning and ending of this sentence
 Mind you. didn't see through all this then confess I was fooled while she was showing plainly that she had an object in fooling me. No one but a woman can coddle man and let him know that she Is stufting him without repelling him Instead of reprlling she winds him round her tiD ger while she Is feeding him poison.
 But 1 know 1t all now. Jim was married. and when he returned from his wedding trip he tried to grasp my hand with fervOr. but it was not the same fervor as before. I knew that I had been Supplanted, and, more than this, knew that hIs wife had under mined his good opinion of me. Then It became apparent why she wished Jim to bring me to see her. She couldn't attack one she had never seen, or if she did her onslaught would have had no weight. She must have some thing tangible to attack.
 "So this Is the wonderful man." l doubt not she said after seeing me. that you have been lauding to the skies. Why did he not say some Of those bright things that you have so often spoken of? Didn't feel well enough acquainted? 1 suppose shall have to walt till he does. Some day when be feels more at home here l pre- sume he will deluge us with his wit"
 What a melancholy awakening Jim must have had after this first in spection by his ladylove of his bosom friend to discover that 1 was after all a commonplace person, And how sin gular it is that these creatures. who do not know the difference between syllogism and sole leather. can produce on q man of intellectual vigOr the effect they require hy mere ironyl Jim had known me Intimately for years, and yet by few words q woman had shat tered his idol.
 Jim has relapse occasionally and drops into my room for a bit of "old times" as he calls them But be knows they are not old times; they are altered times Doubtless he thinks that for him they are changed for the better; that he is leaving me iII a sta tiOnary position, while he has ad vanced. At any rate, l have noticed that those things 1 continue to enjoy or think 1 enjoy, are beginning to bore him. If speak of a new play on the boards he will turn the subject to the smart sayings of his little Jim. Then. too, he has become absorbed in ptling uD money for his wife and children after he has gone. He says 1t Is awful
 Al