The Emmett index. [volume] (Emmett, Idaho) 1893-1925, 1915-04-29

develop tire trouble.
4 & &
History discloses but one woman
who had positive proof that she was
the only woman her husband ever
loved. That woman was Eve.
The principal objection to the war
news now is that it will never be sat
isfactory to the public until it can be
reduced to Standing of the Clubs"
basis, giving the percentage each day.
A certain Englishman boasted he
could see a joke as quick as any per-
son who ever lived, so some of his
friends put him to test. "Did you
ever hear of that one they tell of
museum in Philadelphia where they
exhibit two skulls of Franklin-one
when he was II years of age and the
other when he was 40?" he was asked.
mo" replied the Englishman. What
was it?"
4 & &
A branch train of a certain rail-
road carried an old woman passenger
who was very idgety and nervous anG
was continually Fostering the con-
ductor with questions. (Which door
do go out?" she asked of the con-
ductor as the train pulled into the
station where she wanted to get off.
go either way, madam" replied the
ticket puncher. "Both ends of the
car stop"
Billy Sundays recipe for picking a
wife: My mother told me never to
buy calico by lamplight, because you
can't tell whether the colors will stand
or run in the wash. Never ask a girl
to be your wife when she's got her
best bib and tucker on. Call on her
and leave at 10 o'clock and leave your
gloves on the piano, and go back the
next morning about 9 o'clock after
your glove and ring the doorbell, and
if she comes to the door with her
hair done up in curl papers and a
slipper on one fooc and shoe on
the other foot, and that united, and a
Mother Hubbard on, take to the woods |
as fast as you can 90. Never mind
the glove; let the old man have that
if he can wear it. But if she comes
to the door nice and neat, in neat
looking house dress, with her sleeves
rolled up and her hair neatly done
up and a ribbon or flower stuck in
it, grab her quick.
= : 4
"None of this back to the farm in
mine," said sad-eyed Old Bill Misgiv-
ems, as look of panied memory swept
over his face. 81 tried farm life once.
had read considerable about the joys
of country life and finally got sort of
crazy to try it, hired out to one of
those old fashioned farmers you've
heard about, walked out to his place
on Sunday so that l would be ready
to start in on the job Monday morn
ing. That farmer was troubled with
insomnia. He came along in the night
and walked me and told me that it
was time to get up. l knew that he
was mistaken, but thought that maybe
he was a trife unbalanced mentally,
and that it was we'll enough to humor
him. When | got my clothes on and
got down stairs he gave me lantern
and told me to get the horses IN from
the pasture and feed and curry and
harness them and then help him milk
"a cows. He said that was all there
would be to do before breakfast. ,
found the horses down in the pasture ]
after | had wandered round in the ,
lark spell, and herded them into the I
stable and put some oats into the t
iced troughs and hay in the managers. t
Then l started in to curry them. One !
If them stepped on my foot and mash ,
I'd a corn that | had been cultivatlng 8
or some time with great care. An :
,ther horse seemed to sort of resent ,
ny familiarity and bit some of the +
white meat off my arm. He rather
liked the way it tasted and wanted ;
o bite me some more, but | went Z
lway and left him. Then l tried to :
lelp the farmer milk the cows. II !
vas really wonderful how that farmer /.
ould extract milk from a COW.
wasn't success as a mixer. The
armer told me so plainly and
greed with him. The COW l was try
ng to milk seemed sort of absent
minded at first and thoughtlessly
trapped her tail around my face. |
vas short on sleep, and was just
pening my mouth to yawn when she
1serted mouthful of tail in it. can Z
aste that COW tail in my dreams yet. I
t sort of riled me to be treated that a
yay by COW and l punched her in \
ne stomach. She looked round in :,
lrprise and kicked me with an out bl