davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Caldwell watchman. (Columbia, La.) 1885-1946, 1915-03-05
No Doubt About "EverIastjnu Fire.

A dentist recently made a new set
of teeth for the bishop of -. He
anxiously watched the prelate as he
examined himself and his teeth in the
pier glass and was startled when he
heard the bishop mutter something in
which he emphasized the fearful words,
into everlasting fire"
The dentist ventured to suggest that
his lordship might feel rather uncom.
Portable at first, but in little time he
would get used to them.
Without appearing to notice the
dentist his lordship exclaimed, with
tremendous vehemency, Into everlast.
ing fire."
But, indeed, my lord, if you have
patience" pleaded the dentist, "in a
weeks time or So"
What do you mean?' INQUIRED the
prelate, turning round with a be.
nlgnant smile. why should | have
patience? The teeth fit beautifully. 1t
is the first time have found myself
able to, pronounce the Athanasian
creed with distinctness for these TWEEN.
ty years"
The Caldwell watchman. (Columbia, La.) 1885-1946, 1915-03-05
He Knew.

A teacher in children's institution
was giving the geography class les.
son on the cattle ranches. She spoke
of their beef all coming from the
West, and, wishing to test the chill.
dren's observation, she asked:
And what else comes to us from
these ranches?"
This was a poser. She looked at
her shoes, but no one took the hint
She tried again:
What do we get from the cattle
besides beef"
One boy eagerly raised his hand.
i know what 1t is, it's tripe,' he
announced triumphantly.
The Caldwell watchman. (Columbia, La.) 1885-1946, 1915-03-05
One of Natures Mysteries,

Whence came the first globule Of
sap? And why? How has it pro-
duced all of the marvellous forms? OF
all the curiosities and mysteries of
nature this Is one from which all
things are inherent and all things in
explicable. Let's not call it protocol
or prctophyta or by any other of the
learned names but simply sap" which
mysteriously assemblies its compost
ton from the grossest ingredients OF
earth and blossoms forth at the be-
ginning of the real advent CT the year
in multitudnous phenomena Of beauty,
to the glory Of nature.
The Caldwell watchman. (Columbia, La.) 1885-1946, 1915-03-05
FLUENCY NOT ALWAYS THERE
Even Orators Recognized as Great
Were Sometimes at LOS 'or
the Right Word.

The difficulties which DemOSthene5
surmounted before he became a great
orator are tolerably familiar to most
readers, but it is not so well known
that many of our modern great orators
did not reel off their speeches as tiu-
emily as they appear in print
Henry Clay was never II loss for
word, or "boggled" while speaking,
With Mr.. Webster it was different, and
he often would hesitate and then rub
his nose with the bent knuckles of his
right thumb.
Mr.. Calhoun, when at loss for
word, would give a petulant twist at
his large, turned-over shirt collar, and
then run his bony fingers through his
long, gray hair until it stood up like
the hair on an electric toy.
Mr. Benton would sink his voice and
humble something that no one could
understand, and General Cass would
"Aw! aw." in the English style, pass
ing his hand beneath the lower edge
of his capacious white waistcoat.
Mr. >Webster was almost invariably
stuck" when he attempted to use
Latin quotation, and when Mr.. Everett
was in the senate he used invariably to
appeal to him.
Some of the present day orators have
a very poor delivery, but it does not
really matter. 1t is the sense OF the
speech and not the style that makes an
impression.
The Caldwell watchman. (Columbia, La.) 1885-1946, 1915-03-05

poison him. Pneron who has the night the gambol
all him
gymnaic
The
the off their without breaking them They
high shelf
steal
plumber with on
company
the Hack
through the nozzes although there nothing with
the supply Unscrewng the nozzle from the hose
n he
Operator He had experience with denizen the North side
that him fright
looking
yell and eaped from the tub
The Caldwell watchman. (Columbia, La.) 1885-1946, 1915-03-05


told him she had only 81 BILL the fortune graouy took nut
an envelope and called for salt cellar
WIN ~ SAT- and then handing the shaker
M eyes ana snake salt on her while he soemn Abaca
dabra boobissmus ~
having completed this magic formula open her
eyes whe ne was sealing the envelope and she
feel the cracking inside The fortune teller
told her oNput the envelope that night and when she
opened in the morning she would was wealthy
Well she wealthy envepe on examination
the day. found paper and starch grains tho
teller having switched
The Caldwell watchman. (Columbia, La.) 1885-1946, 1915-03-05
TOO HAPPY TO BE SORRY
Wherein Rapturo"s Lover Gives New
Meaning to From Hand to
Mouth"
ITO the sweetest girl | know:

ITO the sweetest girl | know:
Il kissed you. Just once, mind, and
the point to be settled is, can man be
forgiven who doesn't repent? Yousee,
| don't pretend to repent, I'm TOO
happy to be sorry.
Remember, Roseleaf had the soft
light of the conservatory to back me-
and the scent of the Killarneys. There
was a little fountain somewhere,
splashing sprnkles into a quiet pool
The violins back in the ballroom
throbbed the Tipperary one-step and
the dancers hummed the words. All |
did was to kiss your fingers as they
lay on my coat sleeve.
1T is long, long way to go, sweet
ness, before fellow as young as am
can hope to provide suitable home for
wife, your father says. Oh, yes, I've
Just come from seeing him and quite
by accident | stumbled on to a secret.
Ages and ages ago your father loved
my mother, but wise old grannies In.
terfered until-I'll tell you the rest
when | come down tonight, if l may
come, and if you-if If we.
"Oh, blossom child, you little flower
maiden, listen! About that kiss, if you
don't forgive me this minute I'll do
worse yet, I'll go from hand to mouth
That's another phrase your father
taught me.
Till tonight, then, and these roses
to love you every moment Oh the Joy
Of loving you! Yours forever,
JACK"
Chicago Tribune
The Caldwell watchman. (Columbia, La.) 1885-1946, 1915-03-05

harbong the instincts of dchshund Mr. Goeppn
the Park hotel Salem
had always considered him perfectly harmless
Boston
The attack the
quickly that Mr.
shd himself faithful
the belief that Stein the principle
will be while slipping
after twelve o'clock when
proped steamer chair his
slowly and then in powerful barytone
Its long to
puff"
Neighbors assistance
and dragged yard
The Caldwell watchman. (Columbia, La.) 1885-1946, 1915-03-05

their human colleagues The
including transportation 1882 They
London who trained the police dogs
the
that the suburban section maauders
found anything their Immediately attract
the attention the policemen with whom they working
investigation the principal have been
trained the chasing police When
prisoner begins the policeman Go
him. and the dog and out between the
throws him to the ground Then he tries to hold the down
policeman
The Caldwell watchman. (Columbia, La.) 1885-1946, 1915-03-05
The Doctor and the Farmers wif.

Dr. Clarence J. Blake of Boston tells
the following story:
A farmers wife was found too rim
ao"h from oVerwork to respond to
treatment She told him that she and
her young daughter did all the farm
house work for family consisting of
her husband, two hearty sons and
TWO hired men. And sometimes wbon
go to bed at night and think over
what's on hand that must be used 70.
morrow and what will keep over and
~nat must be cooked and bought and
all the rest just wish that nv folk
could have their victuals made up into
IN inte'ment an rubber into en-
!ourna OF Home Economics.
The Caldwell watchman. (Columbia, La.) 1885-1946, 1915-03-05
Steel Product.

The United States of America is
by far the greatest steel producing
country on earth Germany comes
next, with Great Britain third. The
figures for 1910 (the latest at hand for
tho moment) show this country to be
equal in steel products to both Ger.
many and the United Kingdom.
The Caldwell watchman. (Columbia, La.) 1885-1946, 1915-03-05

StatIOnS. Tic lire dldTHI UIICt OH VI6
third floor of old Allegheny city hall
has a tribe Of rats which the opera
tors there declare are the boldest ro-
dents they ever had dealings with.
One old rat, the operators say, has
strong liking for soap and carries
off every cake Of that necessary
article for cleanliness that is left in
the bathroom.
I'VE have set all sorts of traps
for that rat said Operator Her,
"and left the most tnmntinp of
The Caldwell watchman. (Columbia, La.) 1885-1946, 1915-03-05

teller In Fifth avenue until he was
arrested. In Yorkville police court
Maggie told Magistrate Breen that
the accused, Robert Noble, had prom
ised marvellous alchemy in transform
ing her 81 bill into untold wealth by
magic process.
Maggie said he offered to tell her
fortune for so cents, and then asked
her if she wished to be wealthy.
Maggie did, and the man then asked
her for $40 bill.
The Caldwell watchman. (Columbia, La.) 1885-1946, 1915-03-05

neatly cropped musical ears be as
sailed with "Tipperary.' This is H.
Illustrated by the fact that Dick Goepp-
ner of this city. who burst into the
wrong song at noon in the presence
Of his bulldog Stein, was entered at
St Luke's hospital before lunch time
had elapsed.
Although Stein had not been seen
barking in front Of the bulletin boards
or growing over any late dope from
the eastern theater of war it appears
that deep in his soul he has been
The Caldwell watchman. (Columbia, La.) 1885-1946, 1915-03-05

QlanS OF the peace.
Billy and Rover, as they are
named, have been assigned to out
lying posts and travel beat with uni.
formed men. They "sleuth" up dark
alleys and in the shrubbery and have
been taught to eat only food given
them at the police station in order
to prevent their being poisoned.
They live at the homes of the patrol
men with whom they work, and have
passes on the street cars, just like
The Caldwell watchman. (Columbia, La.) 1885-1946, 1915-03-05
St. Louis Dog Objects to Singing Of "Tipperary'

LOUIsWhen dog his lived his whole life
living and discipline his
despite the passing brewery yachts
The Caldwell watchman. (Columbia, La.) 1885-1946, 1915-03-05
Salt Did Not Make Miss ConneI|y's Money Grow

NEW YoRK-Because salt sprinkled 81 bill failed grow
to great riches Margaret Connolly maid
William Strauss East Sevnouh
The Caldwell watchman. (Columbia, La.) 1885-1946, 1915-03-05
Pittsburgh Firemen Have Trouble With 'varmints"

DTTsBURG having their troubles with river
eeches The especially bold
pestus Allegheny the engine houses and patrol
The Caldwell watchman. (Columbia, La.) 1885-1946, 1915-03-05
Ba|timores Police Dogs Busy Catching Thieves

the lead of the Europe Baltimore
now has added its police are two number
not especially beautiful but we'll trained they already
The Jasper news. [volume] (Jasper, Missouri) 1898-1924, 1915-09-23
NAME is A MIsNoMER.
Jasper County Fair Is A County
Fair In Name Only.

A program equal to a state fair
program is what the management
Of the 1915 Jasper County Fair
promises, and the management has
a we'll. earned reputation for tell
ing the truth about their fairs.
The fair has paid big dividends
that have gone into the pockets of
farmers and merchants, not in
cash but by raising the standard
of stock, poultry and horse raising
by educating farmers to produce
better grains. fruits and pumpkins.
Every dollar earned by this fair
has been spent to improve the
grounds and increase the amount
Egiven by premiums. No stock
holders ever made dollar out of
fair stock, or ever expect to, but
were it not for these people, there
would be no Jasper County Fair.
Tuesday, October 5,will be Child
ren's Day at the 1915 fair. School
children will be admitted free. No
charge will be made for grand
stand seats and the famous Stock
and Baby Shows will be held on
! Tues day in addition to the running
race program,
Wednesday will be Automobile
Day and the program presented
at Carthage that day will be the
the same program that will be
presented at Missouri, Kansas and
Oklahoma State Fairs. The list
of speed maniacs includes such
we'll known names as Louis Dis
brow, Eddie Herne. Johnny Raimey,
Wild Bill Endicott and score of
others These are the dirt track
champions of the world, To see
these speed demons circling the
track twice in little over half
minute is a sight that will never
be forgotten.
Thursday and Friday, a state
fair program of harness and run
ming races will be the card. These
are the kind of races that have
made this the greatest County Fair
in the State OF Missouri and the
1915 list of entries is just a little
better than that of any previous
year.
The fair opens at Carthage
Missouri Oc'obe S and close:
October 8. Premium list can b.
ecutcd by addressing the Sec
!, rotary. Miss Emma R. Knell, Car
thage, Mo.
The Jasper news. [volume] (Jasper, Missouri) 1898-1924, 1915-09-23
Drills | DrilIsl Special Notice.

Now is the time to get your order
in for Superior Drill before the
rush. We have a good supply
now, but when sold out will have
no more this season. Kansas
City,our distributing point, has sold
over 10, 900 Superior Drills this sea.
son aud are out now, so please get
your order in early so we will have
time to put your drill up and have
it ready for you.
Yours respectfully,
Jackson Bros.
The Jasper news. [volume] (Jasper, Missouri) 1898-1924, 1915-09-23
Flowers and Nursery Stock.

have all kinds of flower plants
and am also agent for the Old Re-
liable Nurseries at Mount Hope.
See me for your plants and nursery
stock.-W. H. Hager. AZ
The Jasper news. [volume] (Jasper, Missouri) 1898-1924, 1915-09-23
Poultry and Eggs.

pay the best market price for
poultry and eggs and give you a
square DEAL. E. Carr, at the
Brick Barn.
The Jasper news. [volume] (Jasper, Missouri) 1898-1924, 1915-09-23
Lost Pocketbook.

Containing money. Purse was
black leather outside and tan in.
side. May be left at News Office.
Walter Weimer.
The Jasper news. [volume] (Jasper, Missouri) 1898-1924, 1915-09-23
A Few of the
Good EatabIeS

To be found at Crandall Bros.
Heinz Spaghetti, 10 and 15c,
ready prepared; Picnic dry Spa
ghetti; Picnic dry Macaroni Van
Camps soups, chicken; Van
Camps soups, tomato; Van
Camps soups, vegetable; Beech
nut brand Peanut Butter; Heinz
brand Peanut Butter; Heinz
and VanCamp's Pork and Beans;
Prairie City Cream Cheese; Van
Camps Canned Chile; Armour's
Canned Hot Tanales; q, Punch
brand Oysters; Big HoLp Salmon
several fine brands of Coffee
New PruneS, New Raisins; New
Currants, New Head Rice; New
Butter Beans; New Sweet Pota-
toes; Onions, Cabbage, Apple S,
Oranges. Lemons, Pears, Basket
Grapes, Blue Plums. Bananas,
and lots of good things not
mentioned.
Don't forget us. It's the
home of good things to- eat.
The Jasper news. [volume] (Jasper, Missouri) 1898-1924, 1915-09-23

A. w. Radford, Auct.
w. C. Thomas, Clerk
The Jasper news. [volume] (Jasper, Missouri) 1898-1924, 1915-09-23

TERMS All $40 and under cash hand that
will given per from date Two per discount
Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1915-07-24
FAILS BETWEEN cARsIEXPECTs 7OBU|LD ROAD IS
Southern Railway Brakeman seriousi
ly Injured Near Monroe
Thursday. :

Thomas Welch, Of Alexandra,
freight brakeman on the Southern
Railway, was dangerously injured
Thursday near Monroe when ne Tell
between two box cars while the tram
was in motion. He was taken to st.
Andrews Hospital, Lynchburg, IN the
afternoon and an examination showed
that the man was suffering from a
broken hip, broken left arm, badly
sprained wrist and small cut over
the left eyebrow. Thursday night
he was. reported to be doing as well
az could be expected.
The motion of the train was slow
at the time of the accident, which
probably accounted for him not being
ftally injured. Unless complications
develop he is expected to recover.
Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1915-07-24
LATE CAPTAIN r. NJ. LATHAM
Funeral From. st. Mary's Church This
Morning-Many Witness
Obsequies.

Funeral services for Captain Rich
ard NJ. Latham, for 45 years captain
of the Relief Hook and Ladder Co
and one of the oldest volunteer fire
men in Virginia, were held this
morning at $3.50 o'clock from St
Mary's Catholic Church.
The pallbearers were Frank NJ
Hill, and NJ NJ. Klein, representing
Alexandria Lodge of Elks; Captain
w. H. Sweeney and M. A. Ahern,
representing St. Vincent de Paul's
Society; John Clapdore and W. C. T.
Wildt, representing the Relief Hook
and Ladder Company; Claude Len
non and T. MCGOWAN, representing
Fitzgerald Council. Knights of Co.
lumbus, and Levi J. Hurdle and P.
F. German, representing R. E. Lee
Camp Of Confederate Veterans.
The body was escorted to the
church by detail of the fremen of
Alexandria in uniform. The service.
were conducted by the Rev. L. F.
Kelly. lnterment was in st. Mary's
Catholic Cemetery
Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1915-07-24
KNIGHTS OF KADOSH.
LAFAYETTE Council Elects Officers al
Meeting Last Night.

THE following officers were elected
last night at the meeting Of LaFay-
cite Council No. 2, Knights OF
Kadosh, Scottish Rite Masons:
II. Noel Garner, commander.
W. S. Connolly, first lieutenant.
w. S..!Connelly, first lieutenant.
J. William May. chancellor.
: It. C. Smith, orator.
Robert S. Barrett, almoner.
+, Frank W. Latham, recorder.
James. NJ. Duncan, treasurer.
William Lewis Allen, master Of
ceremonies.
H. S. Brown, turcopiler.
r. H. Cox, draper.
N. S. Geenaway, first deacon.
w. w. Ballenger, second deacon.
Z. Fuller, bearer causeant.
A. M. Sherwood, bearer white stan
dard.
James w. Bales, bearer black
standard.
H. W. Wildt. lieutenant guard.
H. G. Harryman, organist.
George W. Zachary, sentinel.
These officers were installed b!
James E. Alexander, past comman
der.
--O--
Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1915-07-24
WEATHER VANE ON CITY HALL
Steeple Jack Finds it BrOken-Many
Persons Watch Him Working
On High

The finance committee and the
committee on public property en-
p!oyed steeple jack; from New York
today to straighten the vane OH tht
City Hall Steeple which was bent by
the storm of July 80. 1913. The vant
was found to be broken and il will
be removed and taken to New York
where it will be repaired.
Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1915-07-24
Federal Government Contemplate
Highway From Gum Springs
to Mount Vernon

Members Of the Alexandra Au-.
tomobile Club are interested IN
learning that the Good ROADS
Department of the federal
Government expects to build the
much talked of road from yum
Spring to Mount Vernon. The non
Logan Waller Page, Chief OF the
Good Roads Department, states that
the building of such road is conoi-
toned upon the Government secuf-
ing the necessary rights Of way as
an entirely new route from that now
in existence will be selected. 1t is
earnestly hoped that no dinicutey
will be experienced by the Govern
ment in securing the necessary rights
of way. A special committee was
appointed by the auto club recently Tor
purpose of devising ways and means
of having this road constructed, and
w. a. Moore, Jr.. as secretary
of this committee. had already taken
the matter up with a number OF
prominent people. The Good Roads
Department expects to place a tar
surface or binder on the recently con-
structed' gravel roads in Mt. Vernon
, District. This will be of great bene-
fit to these roads and greatly pre-
serve them.
Another announcement that will be
very gratifying to club members is
that the approaches to the highway
bridges across the Potomac will soor
be rebuilt. The approach on the
Virginia side will be constructed
with granite blocks. 1t will be re
called that d special committee O.
! the club took this matter up with thu
, Engineer Commissioner Of the Dis
trict of Columbia some weeks age
Ten new members have joined tn
club within the past week. Thi
brings the total number up to Ga
and there is every prospect that thi
number will reach at least one hun
dred within a short time.
Among the members of the clu
who are contemplating trips an
have availed themselves of the fire
touring information furnished b
the club are: Messrs. O. H. Kirl
Jerome Kaufman, Wallace Lindse,
I. G. B. Willis, j. D. Normoyle. job
G. Graham, T. B. Cochran and W. 4
Moore, Jr.
The club is now having prepared
number of signs for the purpose G
posting various nearby roads.
1t is understood that meeting wi
he held next Tuesday night at Pot
ter's Hill, in Mount Vernon Distric
Fairfax county, by citizens of tina
community for the purpose of cor
sidering the erection of toll gates o
the newly constructed roads in thi
district. 1t is hoped that as man
members as possible will be prescn
at this meeting.
Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1915-07-24
MUST PULL UP GRASS.
Occupiers of Houses. Under the Law
Required to Keep Cutters And
Alleys Tidy.

The police are notifying residents
that grass growing in cutters, around
curbstones and in alleys OF their
premises must be removed. The
street department is now engaged in
removing such growths in different
sections of the city, and the authori-
ties expect citizens generally to vie
with them by keeping their premises
tidy.
Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1915-07-24
GO NO FARTHER,
The Evidence is at Your Door

The Evidence is at Your Door.
Alexandria proof is what you want
and the statement of this highly re-
spected resident will Danish all doubt.
Mrs. R. H. Dawson. 400 n. West
ST., Alexandria, says: my back was
so stiff and lame that | couldn't do
anything without great suffering.
When got down, it was almost I'M
possible for me to straighten up.
Sharp twinges often caught me in
the small of my back and hips and |
couldn't move until they eased up.
In the morning, my back ached so
badly that | could hardly get out
of bed. My kidneys were irregular
in action and the kidney secretions
caused me much misery I felt all
out of sorts and had no abmition to
do anything. A neighbor advised me
to take Doan's Kidney Pills and
got a box at c. W. Summers Drug
Store. never took another medi-
cine that acted so quickly. One box
put my kidneys in good working or
der and made my back strong"
Price SOC, at all dealers. Don't
simply ask for kidney remedy-get
Doan's Kidney Pills-the same that
Mrs. Dawson had. Eoster-Milburn
Co, Props, Buffalo, n. Y. s:
Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1915-07-24

Orders have been issued at the
Treasury Department designed to
prevent in future soliciting or recclv-
ing of contributions By persons in
the Treasury service from any person
or corporation subject to internal
revenue taxation.
Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1915-07-24
SOCIAL AND PERSONAL
Interesting News Notes About People
of ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
In Society. -

Miss Rena E. Lacy, formerly OF
Bailey's Cross Roads, Fairfax county,
and John ]. Cole, of Washington
were married Thursday evening al
the rectory of Grace Episcopal
Church by the Rev. Edgar Carpenter
rector. They will make their home
in Georgetown.
Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1915-07-24
DEATH OF FORMER RESiDEN'

Henry Erris, II years old, Il farmer
of Laurel. Nd, died yesterday at the
Alexandria Hospital. Mr.. Erris was
born in Alexandria, and several days
ago, when he was taken i'll. expressed
a desire to die in the place of his
birth. He was brought to the Alex
andria Hospital on Thursday.
Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1915-07-24

Mr.. Sterling Kerr, Jr., assistant
secretary-general of the Southern
Jurisdiction of Scottish Rite Masons
spent today in Alexandria.
Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1915-07-24

Hard Shell Crabs, Deviled CRABS
and Crab Salad, in our own delicious
style. Jacob Brill, foot Of King 81
Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1915-07-24

Mr.. a. j .Pyke, Of Wide Water, ar
rived in Alexandria today and is the
guest Of Judge J X. M. Norton, Ii
his farm in Fairfax County.
Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1915-07-24

Miss Kathleen Watson has re-
turned to her home in this city after
a visit with her brother, Edwin Wat
son, of Portsmouth, Va. Miss Wat
son will depart Monday for Harrison
burg, Va, to attend the state normal
school,