South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1915-02-15
Statesmen Real
and Near.
By Fred c. Kelly

WASHINGTON. Feb. Is. - Sec'y
Lane of the department of the inter
Tor. went out to take dinner one even
ing at the home Of Sen. Newlands of
Nevada. Shortly after the guests were
seated Lane or Newlands made a
chance remark that started an argu-
ment. Newlands went on to state his
side of the case and talked all through
the soup course. Lane sat with his
soup spoon poised half way up from
his plate, on the alert to Jimmy in
with a word at the first opportunity.
but Newlands continued his disserta-
ton. Courteous attendants came and
took away the soup and brought on
fish. Still Newlands continued TO elu-
cidate his side of the question, what
ever it was. He talked and talked
and talked. Lane kept clearing his
throat and backing Off as you might
say for a quick plunge into the con-
Versation, but couldn't find an opening.
Finally, when Newlands did pause TO
put bite of something into his mouth.
Lane, who has a sense of humor, arose
from his chair in mock indignation
and asked:
Where's my hat and coat?"
Whats the trOuble?" gasped the
host
We'll" said Lane, with gravity, 81
find that / came here under a serious
misrepresentation. l thought you asked
me out to give me a dinner, not
mOnologue."
At the close of a speech by a GER
tain member of the United States SEN
ate the other day Sen. Kern gave q
couple Of little grunts Of annoyance
and remarked.
What is needed in this country is a
hteracy test for senator's"
THE Wilson administration was
saved from complete humiliation
few days ago" declared Rep. Philip
Pitt Campbell, standpat republican, of
Kansas, by prayer and the hymn,
Nearer, My God. to Thee"
Campbell was asked to make
speech at Asbury Park. n. j., on the
birthday anniversary of William Nc
Kinley. He assumed that il would be
a republican gathering and that they
would desire to hear a great deal of
criticism Of the Wilson administration.
So with great care and patience he sat
down and prepared a fine long speech.
in which he inserted all the venom
and vitrol and downright meanness his
system would supply, intending to de-
liver it in his most impassioned style.
and simply wallop the administration
until it would look as limp and help
less as an old abandoned, 42-inch,
second hand corset.
When he got TO the New Jersey
town Campbell found that the meeting
was to be held in a church, and when
he took his seat on the platform he
found that the lights were all lowered
for a sort of Belasco effect. All was
hushed and still at first, and then out
Of the stiffness came the voice of a
young girl singing McKinley's favorite
hymn. Ii was all so beautiful that
Campbell's heart sank. He realized
then that the occasion would not be
one in which a dunn dunn loaded, pois-
Cn-darted political speech would be at
all appropriate.
What was wanted, in fact, was not
a speech. but an address. Campbell
leaned over and whispered to a mem
Der of the committee, who assured
him that they expected an eloquent
tribute to the life and works of the
martryed president.
The orator Of the day simply had TO
do some mental rapid-change work.
And he did ii so successfully, dwell
ing especially on McKinley's kindly
liberation for the shortcomings OF
others, that none suspected the great
coil of U-21 invective which lay I'M
used in the back of Campbell's head.
The soft lights and the hymn had In
deed saved the present administration.
Copyright. 1915, by Fred c. Kelly)