davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1915-06-25

my chest and rub myself with gaso-
line.
told Pop | had no desire to be-
come human automobile, SO he got
mad and went home But before he
got mad he drank six bottles of beer
and before he went home he invited
himself back to dinner
Then Hep Hardy dropped In and ten
minutes later he had me making signs
for an undertaken
Hep comes to the bedside OF the ar
fiicted in the same restful manner that
buzzsaw associates with a log OF
pine.
He insisted upon taking my pulse
and listening to my heart beats, but
when he attempted to turn my eye
lids back to see If | had q touch of
the glanders every germ In my body
rose in rebellion and together we
chased Hep out of the room.
The next calamity was Teddy Pear.
son, who had an apartment on the
| floor above US. Teddy had spent the
previous night at Tango party and
ever since daylight he had been beat.
/ ing home to windward. His cargo had
shifted and the seaway was rough.
Still clad in the black and white seen.
cry with the silk bean cover some
what mussed, he CROPPED across the
darkened room and soiemnIy shooE
/ hands with me.
Then he sat in chair by the bed
side and began to sing soft luIlabies
to hold-over.
Presently he reached ont his arm
and made all the gestures that go with
the act OF hitting a bell to summon q
waiter.
Receiving no ansker to his thirsty
appeal. he arose and said: This Is
heluva clnb-rottenest service ii
this club-s'limit, that's what IL is
s'limit!" Then he hiccoughed hi,
weary way out of the room and
haven't seen him since.
An hour later Uncle Louis Minen
dale had looked me over and coneIud
ed / had galloping asthma. com
pressed tonsilitis. chilIbiainous croul
and incipient measles He insisted
that / take three grains of quinine
two grains Of asperine. rub the bacl
of my neck with benzine. soak nj
ankles in kerosene. then a littl,
phenacetine. and 3 hot whisky todd
every half hour before meals.
II found II hard to take the todd
he volunteered to run In every hal
. hour aud help me
Then his wife. Aunt Jesaiea. btes
in with a deduction she called catuil
tea. She brought it all the way fron
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1915-06-25

!. GAY! did you ever put ON the cog.
giles and go Joy riding with an at
tack OF the grip?
It has all other forms of amusement
hushed to a lullaby-take 1t from
Uncle Hank.
AS a Bad Boy the grip has every
other disease slapped to a sobbing
standstill.
It's dollars to pretzels that the grip
germ is the brainiest little bug that
was ever chased by a doctor.
was sitting quietly at home read
ing Maeterlinck on Auction Bridge
when suddenly began to sneeze like
q Russian regiment answering roll
call.
Friend wife was deep in the mys-
teries of Ibsen's latest achievement.
THE Rise and Fall of the Hobble
Skirt, but she politely acknowledged
my first sneeze with the customary
~Gesundheit!"
Then she trailed along bravely with
her response for ten or fifteen min
utes, but 1t was no use-I had more
sneezes in my system than there are
"Gesundheits!" in the entire German
nation, including principalities, pos
sessions across the sea, and the Mu-
steal Union.
john she ventured after time,
you are getting cold!''
I'm not getting it." smiled: i
have 1t now
What a mean, contemplate little
creature grip germ must be. Alb
solutely without any of the finer in-
stincts 1t sneaks into peoples sys
TENS disguised as an ordinary cold
It isn't on the level like appendicitis
or infiammatory rheumatism, both OF
which are brave and fearless and will
walk right up to you and kick you or
the shins, big as you are.
Nobody ever knows just what make
up the grip germs will put on to break
into the human system, but once they
get foothold in the epiglottis moth
ing can remove them except inwart
applications of dynamite.
The grip germ hates the idea o.
race suicide.
discovered shortly after l hat
sneezed myself into a condition o
pale blue profanity that a newly-mar
ried couple of grip germs had takeI
"a notion to build nest somewhere OF
the outskirts Of my solar plexus. ant
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1915-06-25

the Bronx in a thermos bottle so |
had to drink II or lose a perfectly re-
spectacle old aunt
1t tasted like linoleum cocktail
weouw!
During the rest OF the day every
friend and relative I have in the world
rushed in. suggested sure cure and
then rushed out again.
Peaches tried them an on me and
felt like the inside Of q medicine
chest,
To make matters worse. drank
some dogberry cordial and 1t chased
the catnip tea all over my concourse.
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1915-06-25

not see the white bergs against ahich
the heard The wash Of the ses
Scientific observers claim that IN !
clear. starry night tbs heFss are 80
UeaT the hAWa NusuE p tie 80 thAk
they are totally Invisible Tbs same
condition holds true unLeF many CON
ditl0nn Of oloudiness. the only axeep.
tiun being wheu the Side u ths bsrg
vieMed IL Id saeh shadow that IL shoWA
black against the sky :. other N9rda.
il Il impusaibis % see Ahlte against
white.
We do not see whlte against black,
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1915-06-25
SEEING LIFE u1h
r E267 JOHN HENRY
AW GeO1qeV Hobart
Sk7] j,1, Henry ., a:t,!,s Grip
John Henry On Getting Grip

"Keno!"
DOCS your nerve center tinkle-
tinkle like breakfast bell in kitch-
enIess boarding house?'
Right again!"
Have you feeling that the germs
have attacked your Adams apple scd
that there won't be any core?
Vest"
when you look at the wall paper
does your brain do sort of loop-the-
loop and cause you to meld 100 aces
or double pinochle?"
Yes. and so kings. tool"
do you feel slight palpitation Of
the membrane OF the colorado madura
and is there confused murmur in
your brain like the sound OF a hard
working gas meter?"
You've got me sized good and plen-
ty, Doc!"
DO you have insomnia, nightmare,
loss of appetite, chills and fever and
concealed respiration in the carolina
perfecto?"
That's the idea, Doc!"
when you lie on your right side do
you have an impulse to turn over on
your left side, and when you turn
over on your left side do you feel an
impulse to jump out of bed and throw
stones at a policeman"
There isn't anything you can men
ton, Doc. that haven't got
"Ah!" said the doctor; then that
settles It."
Tell me the TRUTH groaned
What is it-bubonic plague?"
you have something worse-you
have the grip" Doctor Lesser whis
pered gently. "You see / tried hard
to mention some symptom which you
didn't have, but you had them and
the grip Is the only disease in the
world which makes specially OF hav
ing every symptom known to medica
Jurisprudence"
Then the doctor got busy with the
pencil gag and left me enough pre-
scriptions to keep the druggist II
pocket money throughout the winter
Then my friends and relatives be
gan to drop in and annoy me witt
suggestions.
Pop" Barclay sat by my bedside
and after had barked for him TIVE
or three times he decided / had in
Illumination of the lungs and was in
sistent that tie rubber band aroun,
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1915-06-25
Fnnee,lnn Anothar pran.

Boms time ago Mrs. Green called On
her friend. Mira white. and after
cluschlng. kissing and saying how
dFeadfnIly delighted they we're 10 see
each other. they turned 10 the IntaF.
e@tlng topic of the day.
by this way" said Mrs Green.
after time. Il haven't heard any.
thing about Eya's divorce lately.
wonder what has become Of itTF
4 heard = few days agu that shs
had dropped all proceedings an.
sWered Mfs. White.
Dropped Ill proceedings. Naa ths
wondering reiolndet 81 Mrs. Green.
You don't really mean itfH
sYes. returned Mira white. Tier
husband has taken to aeroDiahinE and
she has decided 10 LET the thing nd.
just Itself
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1915-06-25

~ the general impression 81 he eonai
slons thar prevail IN the case 81 leo
berEA Al nLEht Ypu ean prove thai
this y 70 BY viewing sha hnoaec0gsred
t10ES u1 nslEHOuFiuS houses NJ ntEht
lar enough away from arli1eiaf ttehta
20 thai the sky II not affected By them
You all ind that Il all Be impossl
bic 70 distinguish tbs white. snoMy
1o1lR Npleh correspond IN color With
the iceberg. from the Ak, The same
result iz found Whsn the foofa arr
ahasrKeh ID broad daylight on 4 CLOUDY
day Whenever The light "a uniform.
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1915-06-25

two hours later they had about 2a3
children attending the public school
of my medusa oblongata; and every
time school would let out for recess
would go up In the air and hit the
ceiling with my Lima.
Before daylight came all these grip
children had graduated from school
and after tearing down the school
house the whole bunch had married
and had large families of their own,
and all hands were out padding their
canoes on my alimentary canal
By nine o'clock that morning there
must have been eighty-flye million grip
germs armed with self-loading reyolv-
era all trying TO shoot their initials
over the walls of my interior depart
ment.
It was fercei
When Doctor Lesser arrived ON the
scene | was carrying enough con-
cealed weapons TO start something In
Mexico.
The good old pill pusher threw his
saws behind the sofa, put his dip net
on the mantlepiece, and took fall
out of my pulse.
All" he said, after he had noted
that my tongue looked like curry
comb.
"The same to you, Doc said
"Ahi" he said, looking hard at the
wall.
Say, Doc!" whispered; there's no
use to cut on my leg, becauses the
germs will hide In my elbow
do you feel shooting pains in the
cerebellum near the apex of the cos
knopolitan?" inquired the doctor.
"Surest thing you know" | said.
Have you a buzzing in the ears. and
a confused sound like distant laugh.
ter in the panatella?" he asked.
IT'S a cinch, Doc, ] said.
do you feel roaring IN the cornu.
copia with a ticking sensation in the
Diaphragm" he asked.
Right again." | whispered
do the joints feel sore and pinched
dike a poolroom?" he said.
Right"
Does your tongue feel rare and
lhigh priced like porterhouse steal
at summer resort
Exactly"
"Do you feel . spasmodic fiutterinl
An the eoncertina7.'
"Yes!"
Have you sort of nervous hesita
ltion in your hunger and does every
thing you eat taste like an impossible.
sandwich made by a ghostly bake
from disappearing bread and phantom
lham?"
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1915-06-25

Then Peaches. being a student OF
natural history, insisted that take
some hoarhound. suppose to bite the
dogberry, but 1t didn't
Blood win tell, so the hoarhound
Joined forces with the dogberry and
chased the catnip up my family tree.
Suffering antiseptics! everybody
with different remedy, from snake
poison to soothing syrup-but 1t cured
the grip
Now all have to do is to cure the
medicine.
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1915-06-25
makan cniIar.Ruttonlnn Easy.

A clever little thing in the way Of
a collar button is the invention Of
Charles Formage Of New Rochelle.
N. Y. The button is an ordinary stud
of solid metal. but has a tiny screw
hole in its center. Into this a taper
ing peg is screwed. This goes through
the bottonhole of collar without any
difficulty or breaking OF nails OF
swearing on the part OF the owner
When the collar is on the peg Is nm
screwed and the button remains.
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1915-06-25
WHY lCEBERGs ARE INVISIBLE
Certain Conditions 81 Light and SKY
Make Il impossible to Detect
Their Presence
~~~~~,

Many vessels are lost By collisions
with icebergs because. under certain
conditions Of sky and light. the bereA
a-e quite invisible. II Is recalled that
n the occasion Of the famoes Titanic
asaster. although fha ships black null
- clearly visible to survivors al i
-iatsses ~ several miles. they could
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1915-06-25
Answer to ! Correspondent.

No, Mr. BosbyshelI. you must not
confound bellona with bologna The
one belongs to the age Of myths and
the other to the sausage. The bellona
is made chiefly of hot dogs Of war.
whereas the bclogna-well. never
mind what the bologna Is made Of
Shut your eyes and eat 1t. and be con
tent with the thought that. whatever
their origin. 1t Ii constructed OF little
pieces of something, while the other
is not
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1915-06-25
street Car AmenifIea

Il would get up and give y0n my
seat. miss said the ruddy-faced man
in the crowded car. but ! don't feel
il to be my duty. Ian old enough to
be your father aYor hold your age
and Your seat remarkably well. sir
replied the young woman. gTasping 4
strap as the car iurched-Boston
Transcript.
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1915-06-25
Cumulative Injury.

tDo sersnta tear ioeussA arrive
every seventeen Year,
They come oftensFn that said
Farmer eoFnfp#ael
Then how do they Ket their namt :.
IUbe mtb be liz because when
they come around il fakaH = nlare sew.
sntsep years 70 get over IT,
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1915-06-25
Approaching a Reform.

Has Crimson Gulch adopted pro
hibition?" No replied Broncho Bob
But It's on the way Sos TO bring II
around gradual. the Judge has made ;
rule that any man v 10 draws gun
on another will have to quit drinking
You'll be surprised to see how nice and
orderly the old place is gettin 70 be :.
Washington Star.
Montpelier examiner. [volume] (Montpelier, Idaho) 1895-1937, 1915-06-25
co-ooeratIon.

Gibbs-so you went after the job
i thought you believed that the once
should seek the man.
Gibbs do. but tsis is a fat Job.
and thought IT might get winded b.
fore II reached me.-Boston Trar
script
The Richmond Virginian. (Richmond, Va.) 1910-1920, 1915-03-19
BLUES TO PAY THREE
FOURTHS TRIPS COST
Other Commands Not Prepared to
Take Similar Steps To Secure
Augmentation.

Richmond military men believe that
much Misrepresentation exists through
out the State over the appropriation
made by the General Assembly of the
sum OF $500 To assist in defraying
the expenses OF the Richmond Light
Infantry Blues Battalion In attend
ance upon Virginia Day at the Pan
said military men last night.
The sum provided by the act will
pay only one-fourth of the cost of
the trip OF the battalion. they pointed
out. The remainder Ii being raised
out of the pockets Of the officers and
men OF the Blues, by contributions OF
citizens and by means of public en-
tertainments, together with an ex-
pected appropriation by the city Of
Richmond.
Members Of the Legislature. ii Is
stated, were Influenced TO vote for the
measure by the fact that the Blues
had shown such a large amount of
spirit as to undertake the RAISING II
such a large sum as Is represented b.
three fourth OF the cost Of the journey,
and by the favorable appearance al
ways made by the battalion when il
takes part in military DISPLAYS
Major Il W. Bowles, commanding
officer OF the Blues. said las. night
that is was the understanding that
other military commands, when ap-
preached on the subject. said they
would be unable to make a similar ar
rangement by raising three-fourth OF
the cost of a trip 10 their respective
organizations. and that il any either
command had manifested a desire to
ask for an appropriation on the same
terms. 1t would have undoubtedly re-
ceiyed similar treatment nj the hands
of the General Assembly.
The bin appfopriating the money
was introduced by Colonel Leedy
commander of the Second Virginia
Regiment. to which command the
Blues are not attached. and IL was, IL
h stated. generally approved BY mill
tAry meA.
The Richmond Virginian. (Richmond, Va.) 1910-1920, 1915-03-19
REUNION CROWD WILL
SEE CORNERSTONE LAID
Association Fixes June as Date For
jackson Monument Ceremonies.
So
Mrs. jackson Coming.

This Stonewall Jackson Monu-
ment Association has fixed June 3 as
the date for the laying OF the corner
stone of Jackson monument at the
corner OF Monument Avenue and the
Boulevard
This date comes on the day OF the
big parade OF the Confederate yeter-
a, s. reunion, and arrangements will
be so perfected that those in the pa
rade may participate In the ceremo-
MES incident to the laying OF tho
stone
A meeting Of the monument asso-
citation will be held Monday afternoon
at O'Clock, at which time detailed
arrangements for the ceremony will
be made. 1t is planned 10 have the
court OF honor" extend from Davis
Avenue TO the Boulevard, which
Will be lined with flags and bunting
Coming IN ts3e afternoon of the big
day the cornerstone laying exercises
will make fitting termination of the
great reunion at which IL IL expected
there Will be at least 100. 600 visitors.
Among the guests OF honor will he.
II Is expected. Mrs T, J. Jackson
widow Of Stonewalt Jackson. and
other ladies OF the Confederacy.
The Richmond Virginian. (Richmond, Va.) 1910-1920, 1915-03-19
RESOLUTION TO REFER
TO BOARD IS REJECTED
Council Committee Opposed to Putting
Legislative Powers Into Ad-
illustrative Board.

The Ordinance Committee of Council
last eight recommended the rejection
ot q resolution the adoption Of which
lH The onit.on cf some Of the members
ot council would allow the Admins
teatstr Guar5 rr ,roachmeut upon the
Legislative" powers 81 Council The
rgsot, ua. wa~ 20 provide reference 10
t8r Administrative Board Of ordinances
@ee}ive ~ making appropriat !ons TO
4#s Il pttt1rnt under the management
sr control ~ the Administrative Board
SAT- a4r p.aua FOR new buildings or mat
tafs pertaining 70 the lease or sale OF
rms municipal buildings or public utilI-
tt4e
7-h, committee tabled an ordinance
rroNIdin, for four uixhtwatchfnen. two
faf rly First Market and two for the
Second Market, proposed 70 be hired by
the Administrative Board The Pc
ttI}ou NJ K KastieherE a. Sons. lila
East Main street, for stable was re-
fe~yed 10 a subcommittee composed OF
MessFs welsh. Ferguson and Cheat
wood
The joint resolution directing the
CITY Attorney to procure from the Cen
erai Assembly amendments to permit
the merging OF the Police, Fire and
Health Departments, and placing the
merged boards under control OF the
Administrative Board. was tabled
The Richmond Virginian. (Richmond, Va.) 1910-1920, 1915-03-19
JAPANESE SPY STORY
MERE W|lL-'O-W|SP
Jap student Al University of Pennsyl-
vania Never Made Statement
Attributed TO Him.

New York. March Rehabilitation of
recently published news story con-
corning the activities OF a so-called
japanese spy" at the University of
Pennsylvania Is contained In cor
respondence made public today by the
Japan Society, OF New York. OF which
Lindsay Russell Is president
The spy" story was 10 the effect
that Japanese student named Sato.
at the University OF Pennsylvania, had
confessed 10 Professor Sweeney there
that on leaving Japan he had been
enjoined by governmental authorities
to keep his eyes open while in Amer
lea. and look particularly for informa-
tion as TO the United States coast de-
lenses
President Russell of the Japanese
Society sent a clipping of the story
to President Rowe, OF the University
OF Pennsylvania, asking that its origin
be Investigated, President Rowe re-
piled thus;
Il have your letter of March 2, and
fully sympathixe with your position.
L had had two talks with Mr., Swee-
ney and wish to assure you that he has
been the victim of newspaper 'canard.'
He not only never made such state
ment but tells me that young Sato
did not make the remark attributed 10
him In this newspaper report"
The Richmond Virginian. (Richmond, Va.) 1910-1920, 1915-03-19
SEND INVITATIONS TO
ATTEND CONVENTION
Christian Endea vorers Making Elab-
crate Preparations for Big Meet
ing In May.

The Christian Endeavor Society Of
the Hanover-Avenue Christian Church
As making elaborate plans for the en-
tertainment of the coming State con-
vention In our city. A very neat in
vitation has been sent TO all of the
societies IN the State. as follows;
The Christian Endeavor Society or
Hanover-ASenue Christian Church,
Richmond extends to your society n
most cordial invitation to be repre-
sented at The coming State convention.
May 4, 8. s, 1915, Sincerely hoping
that your society will semi dele
date, and assuring you that We will
do all in our power to make your stay
with us pleasant one. We are,
~ ours IN Christian Endeayor.
REV GEORGE w. hEMPER.
Pastor Convention Church.
Or. Dennison. of Norfolk. VIII de-
liver the convention sermon on Tues
day night at the opening session of the
convention. Efforts are being made
to secure the presence of Mr.. Kari
Lehman. the interstate field secretary
OF the United Society in BOSTON for
this convention. The people OF Rich
mond are promised a treat at every
session Of the convention,
The Richmond Virginian. (Richmond, Va.) 1910-1920, 1915-03-19
WHAT WILL ANYTHING
NATTER, If GERMANY WINS:

IT, +. Jacks in the April Yale Review
Indeed. one of the most nota BILE
characteristics or the Real Thing is
that while. on the one hand. IL eNalts
our minds ana stimulates the think
ing faculty On the other 1t Restraints
us from excessive speculation con-
corning itself. have recently en-
countered among my friends here in
oxford state OF mind which ex-
presses itself in some such terms
as these; Let us talk no more about
the meaning of tho war, Let us cease
arguing the Justice of our cause. Let
las have no mere accusations against
our enemies Have done with all az
tempt to reconcile the war with the
moral order. Have done with ser
mons and speeches and pamphlets
and articles. What will any OF these
our one thought. our one care. our
many does not win. What is the use
either OF arranging beforehand ideal
schemes for the preservation OF the
peace of the world. If Germany wins.
none OF them can be carried out. What
is the use az proclaiming new gospels
for the reformation OF barbaric Eu-
rope? II Germany wins. she will not
allow you TO preach them. Postpone
all such discussions. Treat the war
not as a theme for eloqn ence; mot as
a subject for debate hut az a call for
action and, for the time being. as Moth
ing else Concentrate wfYoflv' ami ex-
cblsively on that Restrain your pa -
sion for analysts and put everything
into your Will, First let us act; then
We will speculate"
The Richmond Virginian. (Richmond, Va.) 1910-1920, 1915-03-19
BOARD To HEAR ALL
SIDES IN GAS MATTER
Chairman Grundy, of Council Finance
Committee. Favors Improved Plant,
But No Price Reduction Now.

When the Administrative Board
meets at $50 O'Clock next Tuesday
afternoon 10 hear persons concerned
In the proposition Of the sale or lease
of the city gas plant. II is likely
that every phase OF the situation will
be presented and discussed.
1t Is known that several Members
Of the Admin isrrative Board favor
complete rehabilitation OF the
plant, VITA the end in view OF giving
consumers q better grade OF gas.
Commi ssioners Hirschberg and Beck
are particularly strong on this line.
Alderman Barton II. Grundy chair
man of he Finance Committee OF
City Council. is. also, favorable to
such improvements 10 the gas works,
but states that the city at this time
Is In no position 10 expend large
sums in that direction.
Colonel Grundy Is quoted as OPP
posing the proposed reduction in the
price of gas. because. re declares.
reduction would decrease the revenue
which is now going Into the city
treasury. ard because in any event
large appropriations Will have TO be
made. for improvements to the plant.
He does not express himself con-
corning the lease OF the works.
It is the opinion OF Mr.. Hirschhers
Hat II the clty displays the same en-
terpr:se in the increase Of the out
put OF It's plant as a private corpo-
ration naturally would, there would
be a much larger business done and
a consequent increase of profit to the
eIty