Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1915-04-01

THE AUDUBON
: HEARD ON THE STREET
Has the Clutching Hand got hold
of you yet?
April is here again. tbs time you
duckst-today.
Our spring crop of affinities is on
the decline. probably due to the high
cost of meal tickets.
Warning! No spring poetry want
ed in this shop. The Office devil is
peeved and not in a receptive mood.
A man who cannot back up his
protests had best quit protesting. It's
not pleasant to be told to g.! p"
A certain married man becomes
somewhat peeved when asked as to
the latest scandal in his part of town
Wisdom is born of knowledge
knowledge is extracted from the col
umns of this paper. 1t costs dollar
year to be wise.
A fellow who frequently crosses
the school grounds thought he was
passing. over a Belgium battlefield
when he went home the other night
Some of the boys who used lot
of gasoline to get out of sight Sun
day in order to tip 81. w. Harper
might as well have saved time and
trouble for they were caught in the
act.
Deposit a dollar in any bank and
| ii will draw per cent interest. In
vest II in So issues of this paper and
| it will yield 1000 per cent before the
year is up. Read this column and
bank with us.
The gang thought they had slipped
one over, but they were mistaken
Murder will out. You may rub it
and scrub it and wash it If you will,
but the scent of the turpentine will
hang round it still.
The present is a good time to
preach the doctrine of good roads.
Unditched and undrained highways
are for the most part impossible and
furnish first hand illustrations to
prove that good roads are dividend
paying investment.
It's queer how these young people
think they can ''get by" with some
of their antics. The boys thought
they were perfectly safe and yet
when the second edition had gone to
press and the forms had been unlock
ed, they were seen emerging from
their rendezvous and strolling down
the street.
We know a man who was. born
twenty minutes late, and has never
been able to catch up. He is usually
out of breath chasing trains. His
habit is to get downstairs Just as the
auto pulls out. In all his life he
never reached a theater in time to
see the curtain go up. He's a misser
by nature and a has-wasser by in
stinct.
Kangaroo" court was held at a
prominent place of business the 9TH
er night. Boys who were caught
with the goods on them were brought
into court and given trial. They were
convicted but we have not been able
to learn how severe the sentence was
that the presiding Judge imposed.
Pat" may have to see that the in
structions of the judge are carried
out
One of our retired farmers who
was asked by his. son to help him
with some of the problems assigned
as night work says he can't see how
a boy is going to learn anything
when his teacher sends him home
with problems like tne Following: II
it takes a woodpecker with rub
Der bill nine months and thirteen
days to peck a hole through a cy,
press log that is large enough to
make IT shingles, and it takes les
shingles to make a bundle worth SO
cents, how long will ii take a cross
WITH d COIh iC6 W
kick the seeds out of dill pickle?"
A choice bit of gossip has been 60
ing the rounds for the past week.
The principal parties connected with
the affair are well known, which
makes the story all the more sensa-
tional A husband and wife are
mixed up in a scandal, and what
makes it doubly startling is the fact
that each of them has always had the
entire respect of the community. AS
a matter of fact the bomb exploded
at the home of this couple at the
very moment at which there had ar
rived at their house a party of twenty
or twenty-five of our best people who
had gone there to surprise the couple
on their wedding anniversary. Meth
er of the couple expected company.
The establishment of the visitors may
be imagined when they heard the
husband call his wife down. He
made no bones of 1t. 1t was done
openly and without even a hint of
apology to the guests. The shock
ing part of 1t is the fact that every
one even the closest friends had no
idea but that their home life was
ideal. Nevertheless-and we have
90 ot4