Iditarod pioneer., 1915-05-15
NOTED SCOTCH ENTERTAINER
 TALKS ABOUT STINGINESS

TALKS ABDUL SllNGlNESS
 Maybe it's just; maybe it's all the result of press agents overzeal; maybe it's so true that it would out. However, if I'm not famous as the ''stingiest man on earth" Pm surely the most famous of the stingy men, says Harry Lauder, the famous Scotch comedian, in the Great Divide.
 Stories true and fanciful have circum- navgated the sphere ahead of me, reciting in extravagant phrases my unextravagant ways You'll say that where there is so much smoke there must be at least a wee bit of fire And if you'll gather round me you'll find it and I'll warm you with it.
 It is true, and don't think you will find him who will say me nay, that 1 am bit careful about the expenditure of moneys which kind public and an indulgent fate have sent my way. To begin with, thrfti- ness is a Scotch trait, and 1 come as hon estly by mine as l do by my liking for golf But they say l am even closer than most of the Scots who have it bred in them through centuries of mining potatoes out of rocky soil, wrestling living from reluctant fields of stony barrenness and paying taxes far in excess of the scriptural tithe.
 Since 1 have become more or less noted and notorious as a conserver of my funds, I have, necessarily, discussed this attribute s'ith indehcate or polite persons who have mentioned 1t to me. To do this lntelh- gently have sounded my own views upon the matter and their sources.
 I find that I am more than ordinarily economical I find that 1 could spend
 reat deal more money if l were inclined to- But I cannot find why should. l cannot find where l am denying myself any of the comforts of life; the luxuries never had much desire for.
 The incidents which have been most gen orally cited as proving my stingness have had to do mostly with my failing to tip servants lavishly, my disinclination to pur- chase liquor for heterogeneous and transl- tory collections of actors at prominent bars, my plain and modest attire and my jimmy pipe,
 It has always been my desire to pay those about me for their services. But l have never been able to see why waiter who is or should be paid by the owner Of the restauran should have from me 10 or more per cent of what 1 spend for what want or need just because certain reckless youths have set precedent that the waiter should have 1t. It being on my part neither an impulse of charity nor payment for what I deem extraordinary service why, then, should I throw a handful of change to the waiter? Because if l don't the man across the table or at the next table Will say I am cheap" or stingy. If l give to the waiter then 1 will not be doing 1t be cause I think he has earned it, or because I feel moved by spirit of charity to give from plenty to enc needy, but because an other, a stranger, a man to whom l owe nothing and whose personal opinion in no way binds me probably thinks l ought to, and inferentially spends my money for me before do.
 If, to gratify a fear of this outsiders bad opinion of my generosity, do gve the waiter what I neither think he earned nor feel he should have, do it because l am coward who does what he doesn't want to or need to in fear of the unfavorable yer dict of judge who IS appointed without my consent, whose judgment means nothing m my life, and whose verdict, even ii It did affect me, regard as badly founded.
 In this case giving the tip is not only ex- travagant but cowardlce.
 Now, take my clothes. 1 have an over coat that has withstood for me many 8 chill blast. It isn't as new as on,c it was The nap is bit rubbed. But it IS clean r. hangs together perfectly, it keeps the warmth in and the cold out. Now, why should discard this tried and loyal winter servant? Because if 1 don't Tom, Dick and Victor will cry to Lizzie, Minnie and Pansy that Harry Lauder is cheap skate who ,lo he al,
 An overcoat was made essentially to keep one warm. Mine keeps me that way and dry. None that I could substitute for It would cover me or the purpose more thor oughly If I change it, then, l do 1t tor YOU, not for me. 1 think your idea IS wrong I think garment should be worn Jas long as it hangs together decent!y and keeps out the wind. I disagree with your implied idea about it, yet l should change j* against my wish and judgment tor fear that you, without questioning my intention, will stamp me as a tightwad. If do am craven coward, surrenderlng without shot being fired.
 If enter a tap room for a nightcap and you and all your cronles are there must ask you each to drink at my expense or fear to leave there in the prospect ot burn- ing ears. If I met you in clothing store I wouldn't buy you a suit of clothes; ii met you in a drug store wouldn't buy you an ounce of carbolic acid just because Pm buying myself nickels worth of ipecacs But in bar room it is all different, eh! I don't see why If I did I'd abide by the difference. But I don't Therefore must choke my own opinion adopt yours and endow upon the foster child money set clement or stand forever in your eyes miser and violator of the amenities Of gen tlemen To act on such premises would stamp me in my own opinino as buying others with whom I haven't the courage to openly disagree, though in secret l nurse Ahot ho1rot,,f