The Washington times., 1915-01-16
Chin1n1ie Says There's No Punch,
PEP. or Hum in This Little Village
Lame Duck Author Takes a
Fall Out Of the District and
congressman.
oEPLoREs CITY ACTIVITY
Puts Crimp In Hak.and.H Half
Theory and Thoroughly En-.
joys His Satire.

Chimmie Fadden has been philoso--
phizing. And Chimmie has concluded
that washington IL a spoiled. sel$
fish village whose sonnolent at
mosphere robs its residents Of punch
and pep.
At least Chimmie, who incidentally
is, in the flesh. Edward W. Town
send and a lame duck. writes in the
New York Sun Impressions Of a
long sojourn in the Nations Capital,
takes a fail out OF the District. and
deplores the fact that the Nations
Capital isn't in a toilins, throbbing
city.
Big. vital laws are pretty near i'm
possible from Sleepy Hollow legis-
lators. he thinks. and without hest .
tation he puts crimp in arguments
for the half.and-half fiscal system.
Chinmie's Congressional affilia-
tions lead him into some caustic
comments anent freak legislation,
and here Is what he says:
BY EDWARD w. TOWNSEND.
If the national legislatures working in
London, Paris, Berlin, and Rome enact
more businesslike, less unsound and &C.
centric legislation than is passed here
in Washington, one reason for that ex-
cellence is because the work is done In
big, grown-up cities.
Washington is q village in its mental
processes; q selfish and spoiled little
town in it's civic ideals and aspirations,
no big governmental problem attracts
its attention: the beginning and end Of
cost Of carrying on District affairs shall
be met by expenditures of Federal
taxes appropriated by Congress. The
test Of good citizenship here is that q
man be ready to die. Il need be. in de-
half Of his Just share for the support
Of Aublic schools, police, and fire de-
partAents, and such benefits.
II this were the only handicap to
WSshinston tU,,shi, . US National Capital the
raison d'etre. There are others. One
third Of the population Of the District Is
black, the other two-thirds are civil
service cler..- and their families, not to
mention the neglisible number Of Con-
idle rich.
Lack of Pep Evident.
No one votes in the district: the poll
ing place is unknown, the ballot box is
no more Q thing Of substance than is
Pandoras. There are no variations Of
xood and bad times to make the citi-
zens sit up and take notice, to inquire
as to the causes Of such stimulating
variety.
At the end Of each month Uncle Sam
| unstraps his wallet. be 1t thin or fat.
| and pays OF in full twelve times a year.
and the tradesmen have just as many
customers each. with as much money
In hard times as in flush. These condi-
tions produce a mental atmosphere de-
void Of snap. Of punch, Of pep.
| If George Bernard Shaw were to live
for week in q certain corner OF Cali
fornia which Is below sea level he would
write-if he could write at all-stark
banalities The. physical atmosphere
there is mental dope. You get me7
Rural Ideas Persist.
1t would be lamentable for Congress
constantly to have administered to ii
this dopey mental gas were all its men,
Ders men who had had their observa-
ton quickened by much travel. their
minds Hberalized by much worldly ex.
many fine surfaces. plowed by at least
! a few emotional explosions which had
shaken their thinkers up enough to ad.
nit q bit Of sunshine and moisture. (NC
| l q
cornfield stand for the dome Of thought,
But 1t isn't SO.
pause right here t. assert that an
not of those who hold the Congress ir
disesteem for lacking in intelligence and
profound purpose to serve their fellow
citizens we'll. They are admirable ir
those and many other respects. They
work In unfortunate environment; that's
what I am coming to.
Now. to resume. If we were all far
nf
ence it would yet be unfortunate thai
we are more or less influenced by the
placid. unnspiring, Sleepy Hollow men
tai atmosphere of the District.
that kind. Some of us-a lot!-comf
from rural districts which we leave fol
the first time when we entratn fo'
WashinGton: we bring rural anticity
that Wall street and its like in other
big cities is a den OF highwaymen: that
only pickpockets. strumpets. and rakes
promenade world famous streets OF
make their money by big business are
no better than the lost and that bankers
and brokers' are worse than the lost
That's no Joke.
phere Of Washington to overturn these
! solidly built conclusions. They persist
and some wonderful legislative notions
find expressions therefrom. II one OF
gress either Senate or the House. were
a years residence after majority ir
New Orleans. San Francisco, Chicago
Boston, Philadelphia, or New York, it's
pesos to peanuts we'd talk less ant
| leRislate better.
!. Until you've heard serious expression
given to it it Is hard to believe tina
there are men in Congress who ART
afraid to go to New York ] suppos
that a popular brand Of New York let
ter carried by many tank station week