Ellsworth American. [volume] (Ellsworth, Me.) 1855-current, 1915-09-22
julius Caesar
BY M. QUAD
BY M. QUAD
Copyright, 1915. by the Mcclure
Newspaper Syndicate.

4nc A1OPct Aiic AJcOdLlA 6OtAtty way
Squar' Joslyn's idea. 1t dawned on
him one afternoon as he was hoein' In
his garden, and that evenin' he came
over to the drug store and made a
speech and started the ball rollin'. A
week later the society he'd its first
meetin'. There was hot time fur
about an hour. OF the forty men pres
emit five wanted to be president, but
after awhile and by putin in two
votes fur himself the squar' was duly
elected. Deacon Jackson was made
referee, and the other offices was strug-
gled after to an extent There wasn't
any debate at the first meeting, but
Squar Joslyn made speech OF &C
ceptance which raised the price Of but
ter In Hopeville 10 cents per pound.
After saying that he wouldn't ex-
change places with the president Of the
United States he began with the year
750 B. c., and the way he come whir-
LIN along down to the year 1915 made
the glass in the windows rattle. He
excited the crowd as he hit Nero,
brought applause as he touched Co
lumbus. and when he got through with
Washington there wasn't no holdin'
Enoe Williams, and Jonas Bebee and
Aaron Bradshaw was in tears. After
the speech was over Elder Harper fig-
gered up and declared that the squar'
had made twenty-seven different p'ints
in his grafton.
The subject fur debate at the next
meet1n' was Does Honesty PayY
The number on the affirmative and neg
alive sides was almost even, and Eben-
ezer White was appointed to lead OF
and tell how honesty paid him. Each
speaker was, to be limited to ten min
utes. Ebenezer had been thinkin' It
over fur three or four days, and when
he got up he began with:
"Foller me back to the days Of Julius
Caesar. When Caesar was a young
man Of twenty-five he hadn't dollar
to his name and no show to strike
Job. He had about made up his mind
to commit suicide when he found a
FIVE dollar gold piece In the road. His
first thought was to use the money
to start In business, but 1t was only a
temptation. His honesty wouldn't per-
init such thing. He went around
inquirin' who had lost IS and at length
found the owner, and the owner took
a likin' to him and pushed him along
until he was finally made king
That's one tally mark fur the af-
firmative SIDE" said the deacon as the
speaker sat down. "and decide that
Ebenezer has made five p'ints. We
will now hear from Jonas Bebee on
the negative side
"Foller me back to the days Of julius
Caesar" began Jonas as he rose up.
when Caesar was young man of
twenty-five he hadn't a dollar to his
name,' continued Jonas. HE had made
up his mind to hang himself when he
found stray mewl in the woods. He
sold the critter to the first man who
would buy. and with the SO he receiv-
ed he went into politics and pushed
along until he finally became one Of
the greatest men of his time"
That's tally mark on the mega
tive side" said the deacon, land the
ip'ints seem to be even"
The deacon called upon Aaron Brad
shaw, who was on the affirmative side.
"Foller me back to the days Of julius
Caesar" began Aaron, with wave Of
his hand. He had it that Caesar was
poor and out of job and discouraged
when he happened to find a diamond
ring in a mudhole., He could have got
an advance of $50 on it at a pawnbro-
kers, but he actually went hungry for
three days while huntin' up the loser.
Struck by such display of unselfish
honesty, the owner presented him with
$75, took him under his wing and in
time made him king.
That's another tally fur the affirma-
tive" said the deacon, land l guess
I'll give Aaron the same number Of
p'ints as the rest
Its the turn of the negative" said
the deacon as Aaron sat down, land
We'll now hear from Philetus Johnson"
"Foller me back to the days Of julius
Caesar" began Philetus as he rose up,
and there was row. 1t was full ten
minutes before order was restored, and
during that time everybody got his
head punched at least once and his
coat torn up the back. By and by
Deacon Spooner said:
"It's a shame and disgrace to this
town of ours to carry on in this way.
I notice that jim Yates, who don't be-
long on either side, has jest come in.
Jim, do you want to say anything|
mot very much" replied jim as he
looked around. I'D simply like to ask
II anybody here has lost this half dol
larY' :
He held up the coin in his fingers.
There were forty-seven men in the
room, and every single one Of 'em, in
cludin' the deacon and the squar', re-
piled that it was his.
GAS to debatin' society, it may be
good thing" said Jim as a grin
spread over his face, but as to the
subject Of discussion tonight / guess