The herald., 1915-09-16
Ruben S Old Dad
What Busted Him All to Squash
By NJ. QUAD
Copyright. 1915. by The Mcclure
Newspaper Syndicate.

]
in Tennessee. to lind Il crowd i'll from
of a saloon. and as | began inquirin:
/ the cause of the excitement yOun:
/ man of twenty turned and replied:
! stranger. | can tell We all about 1t
/ Do you want To see the corpse:
lis some one dead
Dead rs il coon track. and its my
own dad at that"
Been row here
Not a bit of it. Dad jest made q
fule of hisSelf. He's in thar waitin
fur a cart To take hisSelf home To be
laid ont and buried"
Never seed nuthin' to ckal it in all
my BON days" said Il man in the
crowd.
Il was right yere or | wouldn't hev
Sniggered TO it nohow." added sec
Ond
1t was jest this way. stranger,
continued the son rs he picked silver
off a pine box and began To white at
it with spring back jackknife: Dad
and NE comes down we're this mOrnin
To buy Il mewl. Dad was powerful
friSky all the way down. and he seq
To me. seq he:
"'Rubcn. kin outwalk, outrun, out
shute. outhOlier and outlick anything
on top of this we're airth'S surface
Il sees dad was purity chucky, and
seq TO him, | scz:
Dad, you'S top of the heap round
ycre, and nobody kin deny it. but dOan'
you 90 and meet up with 30 fight in
town. Yves arter Il mewl. we is. and
we doan' want no fuSSin nor muthin'.
And with that dad jumps TO feet
high. and cracks his heelS together,
and whoopS ont that he's bar traps.
pizen. powder and catamount all boil
ed down into one. and that he's dan
gerous if anybody goes to pick up his
hind foot
"Yaas. and | hears him holler when
he's a mile away" said one Of the
crowd
"Of co'se you did" replied Ruben:
''of cO'Sc. Dad was powerful on hol-
lCrin. He'd boiler a bar out'n n tree
half mile away. When he got down
yere thar WAS Il Teller from Memphis
with a patent liftin' maSheen a-stand-
in right yere. Thar'S the pieces of it
agin this fence. while the Teller his
self is ten miles away and still run
MIN
But 'twasn't his fault" protested a
man on muleback.
II amt Sayin' as twas" placidly
answered Ruben. I'm sayin' as dad
got mixed up and made fule of his
self. No sooner had he sOt eyes on
the masheen than he cracks his heels
and crows like Il rooster and
SEE TO me. SEE he:
Ruben, kin pull the hull state of
Tennessee right up by the roots If l
kin cit brace fur my feet
"Yaas, i heard him say them re-
marks" put in one of the crowd.
"Of co'se he said EN-" continued
Ruben; "Of co'se He spit on his
bands, grabbed them ere handles and
ground tremblin' all around"
sod L." called seven or eight voices
in chorus.
Dad had one side of the hull coun-
Try lifted up two foot high when there
was rip and Il smash. them handles |
ore out, the masheen flew to pieces |
md the airth sunk back with a chug
which made us dizzy"
Then your father had broken n |
blood vessel or something of the sort?" |
queried.
Skeersly. stranger, skeersly. Dad |
wasn't no man to stop at one blood |
'essel. He jest busted hisself all TO
pieces and was a goner afore we
ould reach him. l might say he sort
II run together and caked. He was
TX foot high when he grabbed them
ere handles, and now you can't make
llm over four foot eight as he laws i'm
mar on board. Jest pulled his knees
Up and his shoulders down, and reck.
N his pants would hold his gal
Uses up If thar was any buttons on
I'm. The man who owned the ma
heen wasn't to bla of co'se he
Tasnt-but when he seed the caiam-
y he started fur Knoxville on the
imp, and he was jumpin' when he
nrned the co'ner of the hill up thar.
'ad's in we're. stranger. Come and
axe a look. Mighty good man he was"
And you are waiting to take the
ody home" | queried as a wagon
rove up to the shed
That's it, stranger"
1T will be sad sight for your moth.
to see the body come home"
Iolerbly sad, toler'bly sad" replied
he young man. though she's been OK.
ectin' it for the last ten vars. I
now about what she'll say. As the
agon drives up and she sees me she'll
and in the door and call out:
Has it happened this time. RubeT
Yep. maw.'
Smashed up or dead?'
" Dead as a dead rabbit
" Tackle an elephant. did hep
'Wurs'n that. maw.'
"a hull circus? q
And wuss than that. He tried TO
It the hull airth on one of them ma
leens.'
" Shoe! Shoe! And it busted bimr
Ill