davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1915-07-10
SEEING LIFE WM
fYAm7 JOHN HENRY
KHShW GeoIJeVI1obart
kedX<1&NK1ffI John Henry Has Musical
John Henry Has a Musical

flowers we were ali invited to listen to
a soprano solo by Miss Imogene Glass
face.
When Imogene sings she makes
faces at herself. When she needs
high note she goes after it like hen
after a ladybug. Imogene sang sleep,
Sweetly Sleep and then kept us
awake with her voice.
Then we had Rufus Kellar Smith.
the parlor prestidigitator. Rufus was
a bad boy.
He cooked an omelet In a silk hat
and when he handed the nat back to
Hep Hardy two poached eggs fell out
and cuddled up in Helps hair.
Rufus apologized and said he'd do
the trick over again if someone would
lend him hat, but nothing doing. We
all preferred our eggs boiled.
Then we had Claribel Montrose in
select recitations. She was all the
money.
Claribel grabbed "The Wreck of the
Hesperus" between her pearly teeth
and shook it to death. Then she got
half-Nelson ON Poe's Raven" and
put it out of business.
Next she tried an imitation of the
balcony scene from Romeo and
Juliet" If Juliet talked like that dame
did no wonder she took poison.
Then Claribel let down her back hair
| and started in to give us a mad scene
and it was. Everybody in the room
got mad.
When peace was finally restored
Mrs. rockingham informed us that
| the rest of the paid talent had disap
pointed her and she'd have to depend
| on the volunteers. Then she whispered
| to Miss Gladiola Hungerschnitz, where
upon that young lady giggled her way
| over to the piano and began to knocl
| its teeth out
The way Gladiola went after one o.
Beethoven's sonatas and slapped it:
| ears was pitiful.
| Gladiola learned to injure a piano al
\ a conservatory of music. She can take
| a Hungarian rhapsody and turn it intc
| a goulash in about 80 bars.
At the finish of the sonata we al
applauded Gladiola just as loudly a.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1915-07-10

marks, which in their original state
form the basis of a Scotch ballad
called, Loeb Lomond."
Buds system of speaking the Eng
lish language is to say with his voice
as much of a word as he can remem-
Der and then finish the rest of it with
his hands.
Imagine what Bud would do to a
song with an oatmeal foundation like
Loeb Lomond."
When Bud barked out the first few
bars. which say by yon bonnie bank
and by yon bonnie brae,' everybody
within hearing would have cried with
joy if the piano had fallen over on
him and flattened his equator.
And when he reached the plot of the
piece, where it says, You take the
high road and I'll take the low road"
Uncle Peter took a drink, Phil Merton
took the same, Stub took an oath and
/ took walk.
And all the while Buds wife sat
there, with the glad and winning smile
of a swordfish on her face, listening
with a heart full of pride while her
crime-laden husband chased that help
less song all over the parlor, and final
ly left it unconscious under the sofa.
At that point Hep Hardy got up and
volunteered to tell some funny stories
and this gave us all a good excuse to
put on our overshoes and say Good
night" to our hostess without offend
ing anybody.
Hep Hardy and his funny stories are
always used to close the show.
John" said Peaches after we got
home; Il want to give a musical. May
II"
Certainly, old girl" / answered.
We'll give one in the nearest moving
picture theater. If we don't like the
show all we have to do is to close our
eyes and thank our lucky stars there's
nothing to listen to-
"Ohl aren't you hateful!" she
pouted. r
Maybe am, at that
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1915-07-10
Lost the Point.

Jones. who appreciates a joke, but.
like many others, cannot repeat one
with any degree of success. heard for
the first time the joke about the dog
being the most musical of animals,
because he wears brass band round
his neck" and determined to spring it
on the first party of friends to which
he was invited The time came, and
he electrified his victims with the ex-
clamation, Il say. I've a really good
onei" He asked, why n a dog the
most musical of animals?" They gave
1t up Because" announced Jones,
triumphantly. he wears a brass collar
round his neck
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1915-07-10
Canadian Government. Agent.
Ancient Artisans In Africa


The question has often been askeds
Was there any earlier race in occurs
ton of the area in Africa at prese&
held by the Bantus? In Man W. H.
Beech reports that in the Kikuyu coun-
try some ancient pottery has been said
to be the work of a people called Gum
ba, who displaced the Miathoachiana,
cannibal dwarfs.
These Miathoachiana are now be-
ieved to be earth gnomes, skilled in
the art of iron working. Mr.. Beech,
with some amount of FEASIBILITY, sug-
gests that they were possibly bush
men, pygmies, or both, and that they
were a local indigenous race of the
stone age who used flint implements
often found in the Kikuyu country
The Gumba are said to have made
pottery and to have taught the Kikuyu
the art of smelling. They may have
been pre-Bantau Hamite invaders; but
of this there is no evidence and the
legend may tend to show that the
first discovery of iron was made in
Africa.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1915-07-10
NAYi DID you ever stray away from
home of an evening and go to one
of those parlor riots2

rAYi DID you ever stray away from
n home of an evening and go to one
of those parlor riots?
Friend wife called it musicale, but
to me it looked more like a session of
the Mexican congress in a boiler fac
tory.
They pulled it off at Mrs. Luella
Frothingham's over on the Drive.
like Luella and 1 like her husband,
Jack rockingham, so it's no secret
conclave of the Anvil Association
when 1 whisper them wise that the
next time they give a musical evening
my address is Forest Avenue. corner
of Foliage Street, in the woods.
The Frothinghams are nice people
and old friends and they have more
money than some folks have hay, but
that doesn't give them a license to
spoil one of my perfectly good eve
nings by sprinkling a lot of canned
music and fricasseed Rotations all
over it.
The Erothinghams have a skeleton
in their closet. Its name is Uncle
Heck and he weighs 237-not bad for
a skeleton. Uncle Heck is Joe Nor
gan. His sole ambition in life is to
become politely picked and fall asleep
OTdp6Q over ROlQ CHAIR III Tue draw
ing room when there's high-class COM
pany present.
For that reason the F'rothinghams
on state occasions put the skids under
Uncle Heck and run him off stage till
after the final curtain.
On some occasions Uncle Heck
breaks through the bars and dashes
into the scene of refinement with
merry quip and jest to the confusion
of his relatives and the ill-concealed
amusement of their guests.
This was one of those occasions
Early in the evening Jack took
Uncle Heck to his room, sat him in
front of quart of vintage and left the
old geezer there to slosh around in the
surf until sleep claimed him for its
own.
But before the wine was gone Uncle
Heck put on the gloves with Nor
pheus, got the decision, marched down
stairs and into the drawing room,
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1915-07-10

that IT will never be able to enter .
ffty-cent table d'hote restaurant again
Almost before the audience had
time to recover Peaches sister. Jen-
ME. was coaxed to sing Tosti's Good
By,''
I'm very fond of sister Jennie. but
I'm afraid if Mr.. Tosti ever heard her
sing his "Good-by'' he would say, THE
same to you, and here's your hat
Before Jennie married and moved
West / remember she had a very pretty
mezzo-concertina voice, but she's been
SO long away helping Stub Wilson to
make Milwaukee famous that now
adays her top notes sound like a
cuckoo clock after it's been up all
night
i suppose it's wrong for me to pull
this about our own flesh and blood.
but when a married woman with six
fine children, one of them at Yale,
walks sideways up to piano and be-
gins to squeak, "Good-by, summer,
Good-by, SUMMER" just as if she were
calling the dachshund in to dinner, l
think it's time she declined the nomi-
nation.
Then Bud Hawley, after figuring it
all out that there was no chance of his
getting arrested, sat down on the
piano stool ana made a few sad re-
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1915-07-10
Didn't Wait to Learn Details.

A gentleman, clad in plug hat and
an air of determination, together with
sundry other garments not necessary
to enumerate, uprose on dry goods
box at the most prominent corner in
the village and, holding aloft vile and
wriggling serpent, invited, in stem
torian tones, all good people within the
sound of his voice to gather around
him for profit and entertainment.
What dye s'pse is comm off?'' in
CURED a citizen. addressing the Old
Codger.
-D'knowl" snarled the veteran.
"Probly he's some Internal Office
seeker who is going to promise, if we
elect him, to get rid of all the snakes
in the county by eating EN- Anyhow.
I'm going home, G'day, Ellsworth"
Kansas City Star.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1915-07-10
and 1t Was

we could, in the hope that she would
faint with surprise and stop playing,
but no such luck.
She tied couple of chords together
and swung that piano like a pair of
Indian clubs.
First she did my Old Kentucky
Home with variationss until every
body who had home began to weep
for fear it might get to be like her
Kentucky home.
The variations were where she made
a mistake and struck the right note.
Then Gladiola moved up to the
squeaky end of the piano and gave an
imitation of Swiss music box.
1t sounded to me like a Swiss
cheese
Presently Gladiola ran out of raw
material and subsidized, while we all
applauded her with our fingers crossed,
and two very thoughtful ladies began
to talk fast to Gladiola so as to take
her mind off the piano.
This excitement was followed by
another catastrophe named Minnehaha
Jones, who picked up a couple of So
prano songs and screeched them at
us.
Minnehaha' is one of those fearless
singers who vocalize without a safety
valve She always keeps her eyes
closed, so she can't tell just when her
audience gets up and leaves the room.
The next treat was a mixed duet on
the flute and trombone between C1ar-
ence Smith and Lancelot Diffenberger,
with a violin obligato on the side by
Hector Tompkins.
Never before have 1 seen masic so
| roughly handled
1t looked like walk-over for Clar-
ence, but in the fifth round he blew a
| couple of green notes and Lancelot got
the decision
Then, for a consolation prize, Hec-
tor led out in the middle of the room,
where he assassinated Mascagni's
"Cavalleria Rusticana" so thoroughly
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1915-07-10
HAD HIS MOTHER PUZZLED
Washerwoman Never Could Under
stand Son, Therefore She Dubbed
Him "Grasshopper"

Polly, the washerwoman, was deep
in a discussion of her family's short
comings.
Nah family suttinly do hab some
shawtcomin's," she declared. Fur in
stance: Nah son Jawge es jes' lax a
grasshoppah."
MY goodness" gasped the mis-
trees. How, Polly?'
We'll, buhcawse only two things in
de whole worl worries him: He wor-
ries dat he has to wake up to eat, an
den he worries dat he hab to stop
eatink' to go to sleep. All suttinly doan
undahstan' dat boy"
But how do you conclude that he
is like a grasshopper?" queried the
perplexed mistress.
Jes' buhcawse he er de most mis-
undahstandab BILE creature dat All kin
think of, OATS why she answered.
Louisville Times
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1915-07-10

where he Immediately insisted upon
being the life of the party.
Uncle Heck moved and seconded
that he sing the swan song from 10
hengrin,'' but his idea of a swan was
SO much like a turkey gobbler that
loving friends slipped him the mecca
sins and elbowed him out of the room.
Then he went out in the buffers
pantry hoping to do an Omar Khayyam
with the grape, but not finding any he
began to recite, Down in the Lehigh
Valley me and my people grew; 1 was
q blacksmith, Cap'n; yes, anG good
one, tool Let me sit down a minute,
a stones got into my shoe"
But it wasn't a stone, and it didn't
get into his shoe. 1t was a potato
salad and it got into his face when the
Irish cook threw it at him for interfer-
ing with her work.
I'm discouraged" murmured Uncle
Heck, and presently he was sleeping
with magnificent noises on the sofa
in the library.
There were present at the battle in
the drawing room Uncle Peter Grant
and Aunt Martha; Hep Hardy and his
diamond shirt studs; Bunch Jefferson
and his wife, Alice, Bud Hawley and
his second wife; Phil Merton and his
third wife; Dave Mason and his sta
tionary wife; Stub Wilson and his
wife, Jennie, who is Peaches sister,
and a few others who asked to have
their names omitted
The mad revels were inaugurated
by the Pippin brothers, who attempt
ed to drag some grouchy music out of
guitars that didn't want to give up.
The Pippin brothers part their hair in
the middle and always do the march
from The Babes In Toyland" on their
mandolins as an encore.
If Victor Herbert ever catches them
there1l be a couple of shine chord
chokers away to the bad.
When the Pippin brothers took a
bow and backed on into q vase of
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1915-07-10
Somewhat Different.

What is the price of that porch
chair?" asked the lady shopper.
Seventeen dollars, madam" replied
the clerk.
Seventeen dollarsi" echoed the
would-be customer. Aren't you mis-
taken? 1t surely can't be worth that
much"
Pardon me, madam rejoined the
conscientious salesman. 1T is prob
ably worth $3.50, but you asked the
price,
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1915-07-10
Forced to Make Up for Lost Time

Whenever I'm yur in Kay See,"
stated Sandstone Smith of Rampage,
Okla, who is for the nonce in the
city's midst, I don't go to bed with
the chickens. by any manner of means.
and yet I'm never trifiin' around so
late at night that don't see hundreds
of prominent people scooting through
the scenery in automobiles. Strikes
me that folks yur are scandalously be-
hind with their riding. "-Kansas City
Star.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1915-07-10
Sympathetic.

Meeker-Poor man!
Bleeker-To whom do you refer?
Meeker-The chap who is going to
marry my former wife.
Bleeker-But 1 thought he was rich.
Meeker-So he is-poor mani
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1915-07-10
Fine Chance for an Orator.

Fine Chance for an Orator.
Who is the principal speaker, now
being introduced?"
Il don't know. 1 heard the master
of ceremonies mention his name when
he began a few Introductory remarks,
but that was so long ago 1 have for
gotten what it was"
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1915-07-10

preacher the members of the preach
er's church consider him an infidel
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1915-07-10
Naturally.

THE line of battle in Europe just
now reminds me of our telephone ex-
change"
How soy"
Its line that's always busy"
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1915-07-10
The Fire Field.

Mayor Thompson of Chicago, who Is
advertising stricter measures to pre-
vent insurance frauds, said:
There are, you know, a great many
business men who in their ideas about
insurance are like Exc.
q I'm afraid, father, said Exe's So
this property isn't worth repairJG
any more
Very well, son. said Exc. Send,
then, for Smith of the Marine and Fire
company at once. Let us always bear
in mind the old proverb: What can't
be cured must be insured"
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1915-07-10
The NoiseIess Ace.

Diggs-Would you like to join our
society for the suppression of useless
noise?
Biggs-Don't know. When are you
going to start?
Diggs-With the next political cam
paign- We are going to have the num-
Der of cheers reduced from three to
one.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1915-07-10
The Bio Idea.

why do you want me to remain
engaged to him another year? By the
end of another year he won't have
enough money left to get married on"
That's what / was thinking
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1915-07-10

How we do love an idle person who
comes along and bothers us when we
are busyi
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1915-07-10

A woman is always telling her hus-
band that a man doesn't know what it
is to be sick
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1915-07-10

Some men are such clever liars that
they can even explain to the satisfac-
ton of their wives where they have
been.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1915-07-10
Its Outcome.

who won at the tea fight?"
Nobody. It was a drawn battle.
Baltimore American
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1915-07-10
Bruin the Huaaer

Mary-Speaking of animals, which
is your favorite?
Hazel-The bear.
Mary-Oh, yes; of course.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1915-07-10
At the Club.

so our proposal was laid on the
table, after all
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1915-07-10

Advertising will put lightweight in
the limelight, but it will not always
keep him there.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1915-07-10

1t is foolish to acquire principal at
the sacrifice of principle.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1915-07-10
A Paving Well.

BillEWhy, he has a well on his
place.
Jill-Yes, he's way behind the times,
Behind nothingl It's an oil WE'LL"
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1915-07-10

Balancing the Scale.
isn't that song rather low"
Yes; that's why I'm singing it at
the top of nv voice"
Fulton County tribune. (Wauseon, Ohio) 1883-1925, 1915-03-19
GRA

l. What effect has the development Of
railroads had on the navigation of the
rivers? Of the lakes? Of the canals
2. In what regions of the world has
there within the past fifteen or twenty
years been serious trouble from vol
canic eruptions and earthquakes?
3. The tropics are 23Ho from the
equator, and the polar circles are 23K'
from the poles. What relation is there
between the two facts?
4. By what land is the water hemis-
phere bordered?
S. From where do we secure our sup.
ply of each of the following: oranges
bananas, e%cocoanuts, citron, rubber, Cocoa
vanilla, olive oil, coffee, tea?
6. Name the states of the United
States, the bodies of water, and the for.
eign countries which an airman might
pass over if he could make a continuous
trip around the world in the temperate
7. What were the industries of Bel.
gium and its chief cities? Show how
its location brought about its ruin in the
present war.
8. Imagine yourself in Honolulu
Write to some member of your family
Tell how the climate differs from thai
in your own city, what fruits are raised
of what races the population consists
and add anything else that may be Of
interest.
Fulton County tribune. (Wauseon, Ohio) 1883-1925, 1915-03-19
BELGIAN RELIEF.

Mrs. G. H. Jordan, chairman of the
Fulton county auxiliary of the Ohio
Commission for the Relief of Euro
pean War Sufferers, has just receiv-
ed an urgent letter from the state
headquarters at Columbus, pointing
out the need of continued activity
along the line which has been follow
ed in this county with a large meas
ure of success up to the present time,
Mrs. Jordan is advised that with adj
vent of warmer weather, the need of
clothing supplies is materially reduc-
ed, but the food problem is almost as
acute as it was several months ago
Grain and flour, dried vegetables, par
ticularly beans and rice, dried anc
salt meats, and condensed milk are
needed.
C~uyahoga, Lucas, Summit, Licking
Erie, Franklin, Ross, Hardin, Pick.
away. Lake, Richland, Morgan and
Highland counties have each sent one
or more carloads to date. In addition
to such shipments as have already
been made. it is known that there are
considerable supplies in less than car
load lots awaiting additions before
they are sent forward.
Mrs. Jordan is pointing out that
every cen contributed in this coun-
ty. or elsewhere, actually goes to the
relief of sufferers in Europe, all
charges of transportation and other
incidental expenses being cared fo1
by state and national headquarters
which are privately financed fol- that
.purpOSe.
Fulton County tribune. (Wauseon, Ohio) 1883-1925, 1915-03-19
theory AND G

Cake two of the groups below %entire.)
Group A. (Based on Pearson's The
Evolution of the Teacher.)
l. In what way should behavior in the
home reflect the training in the school?
2. What distinction is made between
the expressions school teaching" and
Teaching school,?
5. How does combining the recitation
to question and answer fail to secure
the students best efforts? Suggest a
method of securing their best efforts.
4. Discuss: Education is the process
time proftably."
Group B. BIASED on Belts and Halls
Better Rural Schools.)
l. Show the relation of professional
training to a knowledge of child nature
2. What are the chief danger points ii
schoolroom management and their cure
8. What advantages do consolidated
schools offer to teachers which are moi
possible in the district or union type Of
school?
4. Account for lapses of moralit,
among young people in the country a:
related to the lack of social meeting
places.
| Group v. (Pased on no particular text.
1. OF what service to the playground
and its activities may the teacher be?
2. Discuss the following: (a) Punish
ment growing out of the offense. (b,
Punishment proportional to the offense
5. What are the chief essentials O
| ability to keep a school under control
4. How would you introduce a nev
subject or new chapter in some brancl
that YOU teach?
Fulton County tribune. (Wauseon, Ohio) 1883-1925, 1915-03-19
QUEER oUIRKs OF NEWS.

Columbus, Ohlo,-'Help Stamp out
tuberculosis" read a sign in a window
of the house of Ernest Hamilton when
deputy sheriffs went there to arrest
Hamilton on a delinquency charge.
| Within the house, a four-room struc-
ture, they found eight people, a hog,
four chickens, two dogs, a cat and a
lame duck were living.
Butte, Mont.,-The first woman to
register in Butte as a qualified voter
of the state, under the constitutional
amendment granting equal suffrage,
was one of the hardest workers
against the "votes for women" move
ment. She is Mrs. w. J. Christie, anti
suffrage leader. The second woman
to register was Mrs. David Dickinson,
also an "anti." Mrs. Kate Dennis,
president of the Butte Equal Suffrage
| Association, was the third to register.
Petersburg, Ind.-H. W. McAlverty,
Waterman on a construction job, wrap
! ped his feet in straw and paper one
cool night last week, and laid down
to rest beside a camp fire. He awoke
with both feet ablaze and was unable
to tear off the wrappings. He will
lose both feet.
Terre Haute, Indiana,-For reasons
connected with a legacy Miss Edith
Isabelle Teel, of this city, has petition
ed the circuit court asking permission
to have her name changed to William
Ross Teel, Jr.
Los Angeles, Calif.-George Row.
land arrested as a vagrant because
he was found sleeping in a sand pile,
informed the court that he had not
slept in bed for three years and had
thereby saved $605. He had the mon
! ey to show for it.