The Washington herald., 1915-10-31

mo. cap'n." says I. at reckon Won
never DID We fellers west of the Mis-
souri, Is Just amateurs when Il comes To
eein' gay. Here is where I'd like to live
and have my being from this on"
Well. sir. the boys danced, and ham,
mered. and whooped. and banged. and
smashed. and cut up and carried on
something to make you tear your shirt
never laughed SO much before for a
given time IN all my life. They was real
funny nonkeys-nothing harmful
Finally though. the cap'n says to me.
I'm fearful tired. Zeke. s'pose we roll
IN We can get Bill Jones IN the morn
ing when the boat hits New York.
That hit me all right. so we walked IN
one of the little staterooms took on our
clothes. and went to bed.
We didn't stay there long The door
new open. snnd a big husky. with a Grand
set Of whiskers. hollers out:
Here's two dear little children that
needs to oe amused"
And the next thing me and the cap'n
knew. we was flynn up the carpet on our
backs. There was rot enough clothes
on US to worry a Hottentot We PLAYED
easy. because we had lived long enough
70 know that II you got cross with that
bunch they'd send you home wrapped in
brown paper. and because we didn't fuss
any. they got tired OF foolin' with US
| We went back to bed again. Then coma
another bunch Of humorists, and I'm IN.
carpet some more for the cap'n and me.
Il don't seem to be gettin' the right
amount Of sleep here" says the cap'n.
What the blazes will we do. Zeke?
Then an idee come. and hit me one on
| top Of the head
'Cap'n," I says. them chairs along
! side the ensine-well are screwed fast to
the floor. Let US crawl in under them
where they can't get US out"
/ Id R1fn
and worked our way to the chairs.
! When I stopped down the crowd all
thought it was a new trick. and they
hollered: Good dog, Sick 'em. Towser!'
and they growled and barked. and made
| a great fuss.
/ der them chairs and worked my way
along. and the cap'n. he come right along
/ after me.
The crowd passed the word and watt
ed to see what would happen next, bein'
eager for amusement.
I knocked the skin of my elbows and
bumped my head forcin' my way under
! them chairs. About halfway down I sees
Teller comm from the other direction.
The crowd all yelIs Dog tight" Some
one hollers:
II bet on the bald-headed pup with
the long hair on his lip!'-that's me. 7
was kinder embarrassed at receiving so
much attention. and the cap'n behind
was yeIlin': For Gavd's sakes, Hurry
along there" So I didn't nC.ice the
gent that was approaching me, until
We weren't even yard apart. When
threw my peppers on him ! rared back
and walked on the cap'n face.
What's the matter with you." yeIls
the cap'n.
Shut up" I says. Don't you make
noise. for here be Just about to leap
upon my prey
What you taIkin' ebout?" says the
cap'n.
I knew what was talkin' about all
, right. for the Eeeezer whose face stared
straight into mine. underneath them
chairs. was the face Of Billy Jones His
eyes was wide open like a Teller that
sees a ghost he knows pussonally, and
newly should het
II scarf old Bill q little TO see the
weu-known face OF Ez.kfal George
Washington Scraggs a-peerin' at him
from underneath them fancy chairs IN
that fancy steamboat His eyes was per-
fectly round. and his lower lip hung
down He begun to back up.
NO, you DON'T says I, and-I took
along fast as could after him. rappin'
my nut on the bottom OF the chairs, and
skippin' my knees and elbows con-
siderable. I had arr the best OF It. be-
cause a man can't back up fast IN such
a position.
The crowd was tickeled to death. They
hollered: Sic EN-" and AT EN-. Tober'
and Chew EN- up. Fido" and they
stomped. and clapped their hands and
laughed. and carried on agin all law and
order.
But I paid no 'tention. I reached, ard
grabbed Billy by the shirt collar. and
fetched out my warrant from my pocket.
When I got hold of Bill. he hoLers:
You amt Zeke Scraggs? You Just
naturally can't be-
Yes. I am Zeke scraggs, too" says
l. and you're my meat"
What have I ever done to you. Zeke?'
says poor Bill
You amt done nothin' to me nor
nothin' special TO anybody else" says I,
but I got to arrest you to uphold the
indignation OF the law"
With that. I showed him my warrant.
thought them Marylanders would have
fit You never heard such a scheechin'
and laughin' in all your life, Il was
kinder funny way to arrest a man.
Haul them OUT" says the big Teller.
This here indignation OF the law has
got to be upheld as high as We can
hold err"
SO. helped by few kindly hands. Billy
Jones and me. and the cap'n come out
from under them chairs and somebody
went and got a holt Of that forsaken
band in its night-shirt and the band.
she played the old Dead March from
Saul
And they tore down q lot of chains
from the curtains of that boat. and they
tied. and twisted. and spliced EN- on
Billy til you couldn't hardly seeN him
through EN-. Then, two strong men
took hold of them chains. and somebody
give me a musket. and the whole bunch
fell in line. and poor Bill Jones. thinkin'
he was goin' to be shot into hamburger
steak. fell in behind the band. and We
marched upstairs and downstairs. and
around and about. and they held court
In the barroom, and they sentenced poor
BIZ to drink one pint Of whisky with
out takin' it away from his mouth: and,
after that, Billy. he didn't seem to care
so much what happened to him. And
they also made the cap'n and me take
pint of whisky at one drink as a re-
ward Of merit. and after that We didn't
care so much what happened to Bill
I amt got the faintest recollection Of
what happened to that boat from then
on. Judgin' from the looks in the morn
ing somebody must have been excited.
But always 1 can remember that pro-
cession-that sad band in its night-shirts,
all wet with settler water, playin' the
Dead March from Saul. with poor old
Bib Jones loaded down with chains and
that bunch OF triple-X, double welted.
hand-sewed. copper-riveted. chin-whis-
kered scoundrelS a-chasin' US around