South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1915-06-28
Social and Other Interests of Women
Epicurean
Episodes
BY Dorothy Dix.

BY Dorothy Dix.
AS lobster is the typical dish OF the
great white way, so minced neighbor |
is of the suburbs. Indeed it is this |
stimulating and nourishing article of |
daily diet that not only sustains ex-
istence in such places as Lonesome !
hurst by-the-Sea, and Parkway |
HiIlville, but gives TO life itself it's
zest and interest.
Perhaps nothing has done more to |
reduce the high cost of living than |
has minced neighbor. for it is found |
to be a perfect substitute for expen-
sive theaters, operas, cabarets. and !
even Sherlock Holmes stories, a little |
minced neighbor supplying all Of the
thrills, amusement or mystery to
be found in melodrama, or detective
stories.
This is why the thrifty housewife
picks up her family and moves away
from the city where there are no
neighbOrs, 10 the suburbs, where the
supply is only too plentiful.
Minced neighbor therefore becomes
the staple of food in the suburban
household, and is the piece de resist
ance of every meal. Unlike most
dishes. the very finest, juiciest and
most highly favored morsels of il
are saved for home consumption in
the bosom of the family. but in some
form or other it is always handed out
as an accompaniment to tea when
few lady friends drop in of an after
noon.
IN addition to being cheap, appe-
tizing and nlling minced neighbor
has the further advantage OF being
SO extremely easy and pleasant TO
make that no woman, however much
she may lOathe other forms of cook
cry, has ever been found who OBJ
jected TO taking part in making 1t.
In fact, il may be said that the chief
indoor amusement of all ladies who
live in the suburbs is the preparation
of minced neighbOrs.
Men often attempt TO assist their
wives in concocting this delectable
dainty. but they generally bungle the
job and get into trouble when they
do it. 1t appears TO be only women
who can give the right slight, and do
the thing up brown and get away
with ii.
To a degree minced neighbor is
like hash. You can make il out Of
anything, but naturally the better the
Il
er and spicy the results Therefore
to make minced neighbors. par ex-
! cellence, select neighbOr, either
male or female, that appears to you
/ to be surrounded by an air Of mys-
terry. OF course if YOU can find a nice
gamy neighbor with a dark brown
/ past, you can make a dish mt to set
before the cCnnoisseurs OF the church
sewing society.
| Unfortunately, however, this spe-
| cies is exceedingly rare, and seldom
/ TO be found in the suburban market,
so the housewife is reduced 10 taking
a near wicked neighbor whom she
! only surmises to do what it shouldn't
do. But if one Of these can be found
that comes home late at night to
rOost or who has finer feathers than
the other hens about her, il will
| serve every purpose, and when prop
| erly seasoned up no one will know
the difference Oetw eel that and the
dish made of the Simon pure article.
IN making minced neighbor the
principal utensil that is needed is a
sharp tongue. whetted TO a razor
edge, and a pair of curious and spy
ing eyes. These, together with an
ability TO put two and two together
and make 444 out of them are all the
tools absolutely required, though
country club or Browning circle
and facilitates the work.
Having selected your neighbor
and as has been said. any old kind of
neighbor will do, and ascertained
that your tongue is in good working
order, begin by tearing your subject
limb from limb. Dissect each of it's
little peculiarities and idiosyncrasies,
and then chop all of its prejudices.
habits, faults and weaknesses into
minced meat. Be careful that you
pulverize almost TO a pulp all such
parts as the spelling Of children, the
, jealousy of a husband. the way a man
> INDUCES his wife holds out the
money on her, as these are the very
things that give the highest flavor
and impart the greatest relish to the
, dish.
Minced neighbor. like broiled lob
} ster. is much better If il is prepared
: mhile il is alive This is doubtless
unpleasant for the neighbor but il
J should not. and does not, deter the
cook from concocting this toothsome
morsel for the delectation of herself
/ and her friends
After the neighbor is thoroughly
cut up, season il with two ounces Of
surmises and suspicious blended to-
gether in equal parts; one ounce of
: the essence of envy; a tablespoonful
OF malice. Roast in "A slow oven, and
= pour over il gravy made Of the
| sauce Of curiosity before bringing il
p to the table, where every one who
. partakes OF il is sure 10 ask for more.
: This dish is. however. particularly
= sustaining, as it is what children call
chevy"
Minced neighbor is always served
fresh and hot, as il has the advantage
of being able TO be turned out at a
minutes notice
Minced neighbor is never canned.