davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington herald., 1915-12-12
Mr.. BOWSER ABANDONED
But Mrs. Bowser Returns and All Is Well

Mrs. BowseS had slipped down stairs
the other morning to see about breakfast
when Mr., Bowser avoke and tumbled
out Of bed. Two minutes later she heard
q voice calling over the banister:
Mrs. Bowser, come right up here.
She came and asked what was wanted
a hundred things are wanted" he
undressed last night hung my trousers
on this bed-post When I got up this
morning they were hanging on the
II am sure I don't know she re-
when 1 took off my day shirt to put
on my nightshirt. 1 placed the day shirt
no one might walk on it. Where is my
day shirt? Is It on that chair
II don't see It on that chair"
pSs the sscks OF m he
and left them right in front Of the dres-
ser; SEA- Are % they there now1 Do your eyes
II don't behold them in front of the
dresser
And when I took on my collar and
necktie i carefully laid them on top of
as nex His es ssy ,Ge
blind. Mrs. Bowser. this state Of af-
fairs has reached the limit
Mr.. Bowser." said Mrs. Bowser. with
under the bed. You kicked it under.
Your slippers are under the dresser in
stead of in front. You placed them
there. Your collar and necktie are
there between the dresser and window.
You knocked them OF. Where your col
lar button is. or where your coat and
vest and shoes are. heaven only knows
You can't blame any one but yourself.
When you undress at night things begin
to fly and 1t would take three secretaries
to record where they went to-"
Don't talk nonsense, Mrs. Bowser,"
shouted Mr.. Bowser. as he caught sight
Of his collar button over by the window.
Unless the management OF this house
greatly improves, l will be under the
painful necessity OF hiring a house
keeper"
,,,,A,, And what what will become of me'" she
You will probably be at your mothers
house
-You can look for a housekeeper
right away" she responded, as she went
down stairs.
There was an embarrassing silence and
not much appetite at breakfast Mr..
Bowser assumed the look of a Roman
gladiator about to enter the ring to fight
with six men. and Mrs. Bowser resisted
the temptation TO smile He showed back
his chair from the table and stalked of
without a word, and that was the be-
ginning of the tragedy.
An hour after Mr.. rBowser had reached
his office. he began to look for tele-
phone message from his home. Mrs.
Bowser had several times taken that way
Of making up a MISUNDERSTANDING. None
came. Noon arrived. The telephone had
not rung.
At 2 o'clock in the afternoon. Mr..
Bowser went to the telephone. intend
ing to call up Mrs. Bowser and ask her
IL any sheep or cattle or hogs had broken
into the back yard He wanted to hear
The Washington herald., 1915-12-12

MIR. Casey, how about the, abducters
aud counterfeiters?" I asked him one
evening, as we stroIled over his beat In
leisurely way. >,
Well there's a story there for you.
lie replied, 'and l don't mind telling IL
to you. 1t didn't do me much credit
and il didn't do me much hurt. To be-
gin with, / was of my beat and on
duty one afternoon when l went to a
store to buy a pair of shoes; 1 WAS Try
ing them on when the cashier called 10
me and said:
- want YOU to arrest that man over
there-that Italian who is making for the
door,'"
HE was in here about six months
ago and passed counterfeit $40 bill
on me. He is here today to try to play
the same game. He made $50 OUT OF OF
US the time before and he schemed to
make the same amount now. Arrest
him and I will press the charge.
Because / was not in uniform, sup
/ soon got the better of him and took
him around to the station. There a
search revealed that he had over 500 In
bogus money in his pockets. Hair a
hardest to get him of but he was turned
over to the secret service men and after
being tried and convicted. received SEN
tence of ten years.
"
one of his friends stepped up to me and
said they would be revenged and l knew
the nature Of the people well enough TO
know that l had got to look out ioT
them. year passed, however, and
nothing happened. Naturally my vigilance
relaxed and that is probably just what
they counted on
And they finally got you?' I asked.
They did my SON, and in a way Nc
man could have looked for. l was walk
ing my beat one night, near midnight.
and the streets were unusually quiet.
Suddenly a man came walking up TO ne
i'm an excited manner and he said he
thought burglars had entered a house on
the next block 1 stood facing him as
man who was wearing gum shoes
came up behind me and gave me rap
on the head with blackjack. 1t did
not fracture my skull, but It gave me
a terrible scalp wound and knocked me
unconscious. No sooner was 1 down
than an auto drove up, a man Jumped
out, and 1 was lifted into the machine
This latter part. of course. / knew
nothing about. but woman standing
at the window in an apartment house
invalid and that's why she did not raise
the window and shout out and why she
did not communicate with the police
She did not want to mix up with the
about two miles from where / was as
Saulted. / was unconscious for over an
hour after the blow. When / came to
was in large room, meagerly fur
nished. and four Italians We're sitting
around. They began to laugh as soon
as l opened my eyes. and when l called
for water. they Knocked me and one Of
them said:
There are barrels of water to be
had at the faucet, but you will not get
a drop, There is food enough here for
a dozen men. but you will not get a
crumb, We intend that you shall die |
Of thirst and hunger. You it was who |
sent our poprs .comrade to -languish in |
The Washington herald., 1915-12-12

would probably be the best selling crop:
How many acres? Why she had figured
out that about sixty acres would be the
right thing.
Sixty acres of potatoes. Why, the av-
erage farmer thinks he has a big plant
ing IL he puts in ten. The widowers
elevated their eyebrows in something like
horror but after a conference lastinS an
hour. it was agreed to come 10 tne
widows figures. Sixty acres plowing.
dragging. hoeing. and diggilg-woosh; 1t
would take days and days and more than
days and DAYS to do it. but the widows
smiles forced them on: Every smile she
smiled went right to their hearts. Every
time one of their children cried the faith
er said to himself that there soon would
be a consoler in the house.
To make those old acres grow those
potatoes or anv other crop OF value. Ter
tilizers must be used laborally. The
widow had no money to buy them The
widowers had and they bought by the
wagon load When 1t came time for
plowing the five brought their teams and
plows and worked happily together. When
thew couldn't come themselves they sent
their hired men. Sixty acres is big
field. but 1t was eventually plowed aud
dragged. 1t was then that the widow
made an announcement. She gathered to-
gether the five tired men at the back
door and said:
..My friends, do not think lack mod
esty when I tell you that ] know you
are all in love with me and intend to
propose marriage. like you all. You
are good and true men. I cannot as yet
say that prefer one to another but I
am going to carry out a plan. The one
that does the most for me in this mat
ter Of the potato crop I shall look upon
as being the most worthy to become my
husband"
Satisfaction cleaned in the eyes of ev-
cry widower. Each one would hump and
hustle to do more than the other. There
was no need to get mad about II and
raise a row. but 1t was to be a fair race
for all. Meanwhile, the widow would
continue to smile upon the whole crowd
with the same number Of smiles for each
one. r-,t.L
To plant sixty acres OF ground takes
heap Of seed potatoes The widow didn't
have q peck. The five farmers Clipped
in and bought them for her. They plant
ed them for her. When II was time
they plowed them out and hoed them for
her. Again, when 1t was time they dug
them for her. Meanwhile. they brought
her meat. nour, butter. milk, fuel and
one of them lent her a horse and buggy
that she might drive to town when It
was necessary and Il was remarked by
the people in the village that she called
at q ceItain lawyers once about twice q
week and that she came away with
smiles ON her; face. That potato field
was the largest in four counties and It.
atopDed al passers-by- tor q, look at it
The potxto bugs came IN swarms, but
the nve farmers bought paris green by
The Washington herald., 1915-12-12
HONEST ABE, q. S. M.
He Writes . Few Epitaphs

The wife of farmer Manton was at the
gate waiting for me when I drove up the
other morning. After We had saluted
she said:
ABE. bet you can't tell what hap.
pened yesterday"
Why. one OF your cows had twins
answered.
And that shows what sort of a farmer
you are! Forty-nine calves out of fifty
are born in the spring and this Is fall
We'll. / haven't heard of any tornado.
Because none have come this way.
You can't guess what IL was and so
will tell you. / had an old-fash shioned
quilting bee yesterday here at the house
and there were twelve women present.
What do you think Of that. sir?"
party in twenty years."
NO: thev have been mighty scarce
OF late yeaSs and I wanted to revive a
and finished OF the T incest % quilt any ONE ONE
ever slept under"
Did the twelve old hens all cackle
shouldn't cali us Su names, sann .A@cns the the
things we talked about was your poetry
and before the meeting broke up We wrote
a letter to the Postmaster General ask
ing. ing him naad to raise your salary. Wasn't
Thanks to the old hens. I'll write a
poem for each one. I won't get my SAL
ary increased but / shall be prouder
than ever. So they like my poetry. do
thew"
ABE. the unanimous opinion was that
ii beat Shakespeare. Byron. Milton. Poe
and all the rest of them all to pieces.
You were born with the gift and can't
help but be great I am glad You are
willing to write some more verses, for
several of the women wanted you to
write some obituaries You must write
them this morning and leave them with
me-
asked: but a man can be soft-soaped
as well as woman and / followed her.
into the house.
AFTER a look at the quilt and giving
" S"s nraise. I sat down to nv work
The Washington herald., 1915-12-12

IJokinI; but she didn't take it that way.
Get a new housekeeper! ! guess not,
Mrs. Bowser is one OF the best little
managers in this whole world"'
He vert out and stood on the front
steps in hopes to see her coming. 1t
was cold and dreary. The wind had a
moan in IL. An owl perched in a shade
tree gave a dismal hoot. The cries of
an orange peddier. who was hanging
speckled fruit. came to him like the
walls of a woman who had no further
pes in this life. Mr.. Bowser went
was silent house. 1t was a gloomy
house. 1t was the house with the mis-
tress far. far away and the cook hus-
ling to get out as soon as she could.
Mr. Bowser lighted eight gas jets. re-
gardiess Of expense. and walked to and
fro. but he could not bring a feeling
of peace and joy.
An hour passed away. He heard the
steps of men and women on the side
walk. but Mrs. Bowser's step was not
among them. 1t had stepped of. At
intervals Of five minutes the cat gave
a yeowl OF grief. and he felt to pity
her rather than a desire to knock her
blamed head on Mr.. Bowser finally
sat down. One can bear desolation bet
ter that way than standing up. He
put his head down on the table on his
were all mixed up like a Coney Island
row. He was an abandoned husband.
il house was a house of gloom. IL he
continued to live in il he would meet
the ghost of Mrs. Eowser at every
turn. What should he do? What would
become of him?
And the folding doors between the
sitting room and library softly slid
hack and a figure slipped out and stood
beside Mr.. Bowser and a soft hand was
laid on his shoulder and pleasant
voice sounded in his ear:
I knew all the time you were only
iOkiDg this morning and I thought |
would joke with YOU to even things
up. ! will stay right here and be your
housekeeper and il 7 don't manage to
your satisfaction you need not pay me
any salary"
And there was joy in the house of
E1USer
The Washington herald., 1915-12-12

marry the sixth man. which is me. and
We will now stand up and our good
minister here will tie the knot and each
and kiss the bride" The marriage took
place. but there We're five men who di,i
not smile nor offer a congratulation.
Their faces Were very solemn as they
slid out Of the house and started for
their homes. and on their way thither
each one remarked to himself:
Gal durn my cats and dogs. If any
one had told me that I was such an easy
mark I'd have licked him all over a ten
acre lot
The Washington herald., 1915-12-12

to have got mad about II. Nv Language
must have sounded very strong to her.
He got up and went outdoors to take
a saunter. but In ten minutes was back
into the house. This was no occasion
for a saunter. He was an abandoned
husband. Mrs. Bowser had gone sew
eral thousand miles away to live In q
catacomb.
If i knew where a cablegram or a
wireless would reach her. ! would ask
her to come back" he unused to him.
self. Il didn't mean half I said In fact.
l did not mean any of II; I was just
The Washington herald., 1915-12-12

Bowser responded. The cook did not
respond. The family cat did not respond.
1t was as II he had telephoned q grave
In the cemetery. Central answered that
the house could not be raised and MT.
Bowser went back to his chair with
something like a chill creeping up his
spine. Was his house deserted by all?
Had Mrs. Bowser got sos mad that she
full Of queries from that time until he
started for home and he drew near
his home. he cast many an anxious
glance at the window. No one was look
The Washington herald., 1915-12-12

her voice. He wanted her to understand
that his words OF the morning were not
so bad as they sounded. He was even
going to tell her that he should not look
for a housekeeper for some days yet.
He called for Central and Central cali
ed for the Bowser house. but no Mrs.
The Washington herald., 1915-12-12

the barrel and drove them away. When
the tubers were ripe for digging the po-
tato trust sent a man to offer so cents
a bushel. which was the usual price.
Two weeks later. after IL had been as
certained that not another potato would
be offered for sale in that part of the
State they raised their offer to 20 cents
and the widow closed with him.
When the last potato had been loaded
up and drawn away, the widow Ridge
way gave a banquet to the five farmers
and it was known that her choice was to
be announced. The farmers noticed that
eight plates were placed on the table.
That meant two more persons were to
sit down. They arrived. They were Law
yer Redmond and the Baptist preacher
from the village. What business had
brought them inquired each farmer OF
himself. but no one had solved the ques-
ton when the banquet was finished and
the lawyer rose UP and said:
Gentlemen. this has been a great race
between who should have the widows
heart and hand. You have all done
nobly. Each one Of you has shown HIM
self to be a good and true man. In
fact, you all have been so worthy of
The Washington herald., 1915-12-12

| ing out for his coming. No one met
him in the hall. No one was there "a
ask II his spinal meningitis was better
or worse.
| was not lying on the bed with a sick
headache and the room redolent with
I the odor of camphor. He hurried down
To the kitchen and met ;he cook with a
sight of him:
Your dinner is ready. sir
But Mrs. Bowser?'. he queried.
she won't be here
she won't be here. But where is
she?''
Gone. sir--left this morning"
For her mothers "
Il think. sir. she has sailed for Eu-
rope I'm mebbe wrong, but I think SO.
Just before she left the house she was
asking me about the catacombs of Paris.
| think she has gone to live in those
catacOmbs.'
And did she leave no note for me?''
No. sir.
No word "
No. sir. That is. not TO you directly.
She said to the cat. just as sh" WAS
about TO go. that she hoped the new
housekeeper would remember to put a
little sugar in her milk when she fed
her. That was all. sir. except that she
told me where the mustard plasters Were
il you came home with pain in your
side. | will go home to stay nights. sir.
and remain during the day TO cook your
meals"
Mr.. Bowser sat down at the table. but
after a look around he got up. leaving
his food untasted. 1t was great shock
to him and IL struck to his solar plexus.
He went upstairs and tried to think.
The cat followed him, but instead of
rubbing against his leg and purring her
satisfaction, she stood OF and gazed at
him with eyes filled with reproach. He
had driven her mistress away. Instead
of patting her the new housekeeper
might give her kick whenever she
came near her.
by thunder. but why did she do it
why did she do it, half-moaned Mr..
Rowser as he lighted his cigar and took
two or three puffs and threw it away. Il
think she got up in the night and moved
some of my things around. but proba bly,
she did II for a joke and I hadn't ought
The Washington herald., 1915-12-12

this good .woman's love that she cannot
decide which one Of you to accept She
cannot marry the whole five of you, as
you must know. and rather than give
herself to one and made the four others
Tor life. she has decided In
Connecticut western news., 1915-05-20
THE SESSION ENDS.

Beating all records fer brevity, the Connecticut legislature adjourned, sine die, last Tuesday, May IS. The session was shorter, by two days, than the sLortest previous session, that of 1887. It was shorter, by more than four months, than the session of 1911, which adjourned September 26.
 The legislature of 1915 was, in the estimation of conflicting critics, both the best and the worst general assembly we have had in the state. according to the point of view. The Hartford Courant observes that while it breaks records for brevity, it twill match rec ords for efficiency," and that Git has done so much good work that it will take it's place among the most efficient and cleanest we have had for many years. " and the Courant cites number of the important acts passed, to its credit. J Henry Roraback says: Ut has been the best general assembly the state has had in many years. It will have to make no apologies, and we shall have to make no apologies for it. It's recor.l speaks for itself. It has worked hard and conscientiously and intelligen tly, and this will be better state to live in because of it's existence and its action"
 On the other hand, such leading dem. ocratic papers as the Hartford Times and the New Haven Union are caustic in their citation of instances of legis. lat1ve obliquity and johbery, including what the Union calls "the rape of the civil service law" the $42, 900 appro. priation for the revision of the Statutes, s"the plums falling to the leaders of the state machine, when many reliable law firms would have Eeen glad to take the work on contract for $10, ,0O0," etc.
 The keynote of calm, conservative estimate, allowing that the legislature of 1915 was probably neither the worst nor the best in the states history, was struck in the speech of United States Senator Mclean, who addressed the body, on invitation, just before final ad5ournment Said Senator Mclean: ssBeing human you have probably done some tlin"s which you ought not tc have done, aud left undone some things which you should have done. You may
Connecticut western news., 1915-05-20

ingly, and the chair appointed as ladies night committee Messrs. Creevev, Dempsey and the fat member.
 MT. Sweeney tD., ] proposed rising vote of thanks to the Standard Oil Company for sending their oil distri. outing auto here to grease the roads.
 The fat member couldn't see where in the public were obligated to the Standard Oil~C Company, inasmuch as the oil distribution was the result of the town appropriation of $500. which MT. Reed succeeded in forcing through the last town meeting. for the benefit and comfort of the publip. Mir. Sweeney withdrew his motion.
 At this. stage Of the proceedings "Nes" Marshall invited the meeting to adjourn to his restaurant for eolla- tion, 10 show his appreciation of the resumption of business hy the Club; and although there was & considerable amount of business yet to be transacted, the members could not be induced to stay and there was grand rush for MaFshall's.
Connecticut western news., 1915-05-20
What the Other Fellows Say

Japan did not take quite all of the pound of flesh from China but can be depended upon to call for the balance ill due course. .-PittSfeld Eagle.
 Provincetown. Mass, has full fledged Skunk farm under operation, but this not mentioned in the litera. ture bidding for summer boa1ders. - New Haven Union.
 There are some features of the dis cussions about the wreck of the Lusi- tania which are productive of endless argument. They are in the class with political and religious problems and are better left alone. Everyone seems to agree, however, that the worlds ad- miration for Von Tirpitz is in no way increased by the addition of the Lusi- tania's name to the list of submarine victims. Waterbury Republican.
 One can easily imagine that William Barnes will never wish to see d print ing press again after the trial of his libel suit is over. He has had printing forced on his attention so strenuousiy i'll the case now pending tl.at even the smell of printers ink must nauseate.- Ansonia Sentinel.
 The difference between caviar and ambergris is that few purchasers of ambergris are sufficiently extravagant to waste it in eating. Times.
 When 50 Indians from a Nebraska reservation make the trip to Omaha in their own automobiles to hold ban quet at the best hotel of that city in celebration of the birthday of former chief, it is evient that talk about ''the poor Indian" is out of date these days. Bridgeport Standard.
 "John Bunny is dead" We'll wager that this announcement coming almost simultaneous with the half century anniversary of the death of President Lincoln has created quite as much interest at this time as that of the martyred President, notwithstaDd- ing that Bunny was but the prince of funny movie actors.-Shore Line | Times.
 There are some men in every town who will never be missed when they die. Why? Because they never do 8 thing for the town. It's the man who does for his fellows who will be missed. -Woodbury Reporter.s@
 "The spirit of the age has cheapened literature. It is not that there are nc great writers, but that there are nc patient readers" Chauncey Depew re. marked in the course of his recent birthday speech. Gan he have forgot ten the mighty army of patient listen i CTS New Haven Journal Courier.
Connecticut western news., 1915-05-20
kIcKERS AND KNOCKERS.

In the last issue of the Waterbur, Chamber of Commerce Bulletin, EdiGo Charles A. Colley. who is also presi dent of the Chamber, writes thus il drawing a distinction between tw types, both of which are too wei known everywhere:
 "Kicker is word that in recent years has come to have a new meaning. It grates upon the ear little less harshlv perhaps than the word 'knocker,' which may mean the same thing but with this shade of difference, that the kicker is one who has acquired the habit of pro- testing, while a knocker is one who condemns chronically and more vigorously. That these words in their newer interpretation will come to have dictionary meaning cannot be doubted. Cor dictionaries are made to serve the public as a whole and not alone a few persons of delicate sensibilities.