davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1915-01-08
NOTHING NEW IN JOKE LINE
Foolish Is the Humorist Who Would
Insist That This "Has Never
Been Sprung Before"

A reader of the Docket in New York
city cut out the item relating to the
dissolution of partnership, in which
one partner makes the statement that
those who owe the firm will settle
with him, and those that the firm owes
will settle with Nose and sends it
back to us with this notation: This
was an old chestnut when / lived in
-, which was in 1856"
To this charge we enter plea of
confession and avoidance. We con-
tend that the courts will take judicial
notice Of the fact that there is nothing
new under the sun, and in our judg-
ment the jokesmith is well within
his rights in resurrecting joke
which was old in 1855.
The incident brings to mind the fol-
lowing story: "The editor of a Mime
sofa newspaper back in the sos con-
cocted the following: 'Yon Yonson put
four sticks of dynamite in the stove
last Sunday to thaw them out. The
handles were nickel plated and only
cost S10.'" A professor of English
wrote very interesting article on
this joke, claiming that it represented
distinctly American brand of humor,
and that it could not have happened
in any other country or at any other
time.
But alas for the professor of Eng
fish literature-for there is nothing
new under the sun. Reference to II
Chronicles, Chapter Is, Verses IL and
ID, produces the following:
IL. And Asa in the thirty and
ninth year of his reign was diseased
in his feet, until his disease was ex-
ceedingly great; yet in his disease
he sought not to the Lord, but to the
physicians
13. And Asa slept with his fathers.
Vests Docket.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1915-01-08

Hadn't Noticed 1t.
Tomdix-Y Your wife is certainly Ou'
spoken, isn't she?
Hojax-Not that 1 know OF. nesI r
met any one who could outspeak no.:
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1915-01-08

was in dying condition when we
picked him up, and, as he was speak
ing with the last breaths in his body,
naturally his account of what he had
seen was somewhat incoherent. 1t
would be of use, however, if we had
plans of the forts that would enable
l'us to check off his report intelli-
gently"
"Yet, what evidence have we that
Partow or Lanstron has done more
than to make a fortunate guess or
show military insight" Westerling
belief that Bordir was weak. which
proved correct"
Last night we got written tele-
graphic staff message from the body
of dead officer of the Browns found
in the Twin Boulder Redoubt," said
the vice-chief, which showed that in
an hour after our plans were transmit
ted to our own troops for the first
attack they were known to the en-
envy"
THAT looks like leak!" exclaimed
Westerling, "a leak, Bouchard. do you
hear?" He was frowning and his lips
were drawn and his cheeks notified
with red in a way not pleasant to see.
Stiffening in his chair, a fash of
desperation in his eye, Bouchard's
bony, long hand gripped the table
edge. Every one felt that a sensa-
ton was coming.
Eyes, have known that there was
a leak!" he said with hoarse, painful
deliberation. II have sent out every
possible tracer. I have followed up
every sort of clew. l have trans
ferred dozen men. have left moth
ing undone!"
with no result?" persisted Wester-
ling impatiently.
Eyes, always the same result: That
the leak Is here in this house here
in the grand headquarters of the army
under our very noses. know it is not
the telegraphers or the clerks. 1t is
member of the staff"
"Have you gone out Of your head?"
demanded Westerling. What staff
officer? How does he get the infor-
nation to the enemy? Name the per-
sons you suspect here and now! Ex-
plain, If you want to be considered
sanel"
Here was the blacklist accusation
that could be made against an officer!
The chosen men of the staff, tested
through many grades before they
reached the inner circle of cabinet Sc
crecy. lost the composure of council.
All were leaning forward toward Bou-
chard GREATNESS for his answer.
There are three women on the
grounds" said Bouchard Il have been
against their staying from the first.
T."
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1915-01-08
Willie Knew.

Some time ago the teacher of NH
lie school was instructing a class in
geography, and when it came time to
hand out few questions she turned
to Willie Smith.
Willie" she said, "can you tell me-
what is one of the principal products
of the West Indies?"
mo, ma'am," frankly answered Will
lie, after a moments hesitation.
"Just think Bit" encouragingly re
turned the teacher; where does the
sugar come from that you use at youI
house?"
Sometimes from the store" an
swered Willie, "and sometimes we Dor
row it from the next-door neighbor."
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1915-01-08

suggestion of criticism by repeating
that the defensive always appeared to
the offensive to be better informed
than itself. But this time Westerling
let the conversation run on without Q
word of excuse for his favorite.
Each fresh reproach from the staff,
whose opinion was the only god he
knew, was a dagger thrust to Bou-
chard. At night he had lain awake
worrying about the leak; by day he
had sought to trace it, only to find
every clew leading back to the staff.
Now he was as confused in his shame
as sensitive schoolboy. Vaguely,
in his distress, he heard Westerling
asking question, while he saw all
those eyes staring at him.
What information have we about
Engadir?"
Il believe it to be strongly forth
fed!" stammered Bouchard.
"You believe! You have no infor-
mation?" pursued Westerling.
mo, sir" replied Bouchard. Moth
ing -nothing newt"
we do seem to get little 1nfOrma-
tion," said Westerling, looking hard
at Bouchard in silence-the COM
bined silence of the whole staff.
This public reproof could have but
one meaning. He should soon receive
a note which would thank him politely
for his services, in the stereotyped
phrases always used for the purpose.
before announcing his transfer to a
less responsible post.
Very little, sir" Bouchard replied
doggedly.
There is that we had from one OF
our aviators whose machine came
down in smash just as he got over
our infantry positions on his return"
said the chief aerostatic officer. He
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1915-01-08
Arrest for Debt.

While imprisonment for debt as it
at one time existed in English and
American law, by which a debtor
might be arrested and imprisoned for
mere liability to pay his creditor, no
longer exists in the United States, the
statutes of the majority of the states
provide for the arrest of defendant
in civil action under certain condi.
tions, such as fraud. or torts. or EN-,
bezzleIuent. etn
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1915-01-08
CHAPTER XVII.
Thumbs Down for Rouchard

thumbs Down for Bouchafd.
Haggard and at bay, Bouchard faced
the circle of frowns around the pol
ished expanse of that precious heir
loom, the dining-room table of the Gal
lands. The dreaded reckoning Of the
apprehensions which kept him rest
lessly awake at night had come at the
next staff council after the fall of the
Twin Boulder Redoubt With the last
approach to the main line of defense
cleared, one chapter OF the war was
finished. But the officers did not man
ifest the citation that the occasion
called for, which is not saying that
they were discouraged. They had no
doubt that eventually the Grays would
dictate peace in the Browns capital.
Exactly stated, their mood was one of
depressed professional irritation, Not
until the third attempt was Twin Boul-
were concerned, the nicely planned
first assault might have been. stroke
of strategy by the Browns to drive
the Grays into an impossible fire zone.
"The trouble is we are not in
formed!" exclaimed Turcas, opening
his thin lips even less than usual, but
twisting them in significant manner
as he gave his words rasping en-
phasis. The others FASTENED to follow
his lead with equal candor.
Exactly, We have no reports of
their artillery strength, which we had
greatly underestimated." said the
chief of artillery.
sour maps Of their forts could not
be less correct if revealed to us for
purposes of deceit. Again and again
we have thought that we had them
surprised, only to be surprised our
selves. In short, they know what we
are doing and we don't know what
they are doing!" said the tactical ex-
pert.
There the chief Of the aerostatic d.
vision took the defensive.
"They certainly don't learn our plans
with their planes and dirigibles!" he
declared energetically.
Hardly, when we never see them
over our lines"
"The Browns are acting on the de-
fensive in the air as well as on the
earth!"
But our own planes and dirigibles
bring little news" said Turcas. 81
mean, those that return" he added
pungently.
"And few do return. My men are
not wanting in couragel" replied the
chief aerostatic officer. Immediately
we get over the Brown lines the
Browns, who keep cruising to and fro,
are on us like hawks. They risk any
thing to bring us down. When we de-
scend low we strike the fire OF their
high-angle guns, which are distributed
the length Of the frontier. / believe
both their aerial feet and their high
angle artillery were greatly under
estimated. Finally, / cannot reduce
my force too much in scouting or they
might take the offensive"
Another case of not being in
formed" concluded Turcas. returning
grimly to his point.
He looked at Bouchard, and every
one began looking at Bouchard. If the
Gray tacticians had been outplayed by
their opponents, if their losses for the
ground Aained exceeded calculations,
then it vas good to have scape-
goat for their professional mistakes.
Bouchard was Westerling's choice for
chief OF intelligence. His blind 10y
atty was pleasing to his superior, who,
hitherto. had promptly silenced any
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1915-01-08
The Prospect.

"You don't seem anxious to get
home to your dinner"
81 don't care for the menu Ill get'
What is it?"
"When my wife finds out l forgO.
to mail her letter the first course VIII,
be tongue served up with hard sauce
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1915-01-08
CARE FOR YOUR HAIR
BY Frequent Shampoos With cutlc"''
Soap. Trial Free.

Precede shampoos by touches u
Cuticura Ointment if needed to spO''
of dandruff, itching and irritation u
the scalp. Nothing better for the .ow.
plexion, hair, hands or skin than tneS0
fragrant supercreamy emollients' A'''
as preparations for the toilet.
Sample each free by mall WIN Do Wv
Address postcard, Cuticura, Dept n"
Boston. Sold everywhere.
The daily Gate City. [volume] (Keokuk, Iowa) 1855-1916, 1915-10-21
Mrs. Katherine kavanaueh Says Her
Homo Was Robbed on Sunday
Night When Family
Was Away.
REAR DOOR WAS OPEN
Lock on the Bureau Drawer Where
Money Was Hidden, Found
Broken-Nothing Else Of
Value Taken.

Mrs. Katherine Kavanaugh of 1902
Estes street, has reported to the po-
lice the loss of $172 which she states
was stolen from a bureau drawer in
home on Sunday evening between the
home on Sunday evening between he
hours of 500 and 10:45 o'clock.
An Investigation has failed to dis
close any clue to the robbery and Mrs
Kavanaugh has no theory to advance
over the loss of the money.
She stated that $3.50 in bills and a
SIS gold piece were in a peck etboo1 IN
the bureau drawer. which was locke
and that there was also seven silver
dollars in the drawer.
She stated that on Sunday night all
the family left home about 8 o'clock
and that the money was safe then, but
was gone at 10:45 o'clock the same
evening when she returned
The back door, which had not been
locked, was said to have been wide
open and the lock on the bureau
drawer broken. Nothing more was
taken from the house, an examination
disclosed
Mrs Kavanaugh is widow living
with three daughters and five sons at
1902 Estes street She believes that
some one hid in the weeds to one side
of the house and robbed the house
when he saw the family leave home.
The daily Gate City. [volume] (Keokuk, Iowa) 1855-1916, 1915-10-21
@>ss,,z||,,'SIjj'y)!q{gEEGuVI
Call Black 666.
For Society Editor
Married in Hammond.

Miss Matilda We'll and Mr.. Cleve
Harness of this city were married at
Hammond, Ind, yesterday at noon at
the home of the brides uncle, Rev.
p Green, the ceremony being per-
formed by him. Miss Emma Well, Sis
ter Of the bride, accompanied the
bride and groom to Hammond from
this city. Mr.. and Mrs. Harness are
expected home at the end Of the week
after short visit in Chicago. They
will be at home to their friends at
Thirteenth and High streets. Mrs.
Harness is the daughter of Mr. and
Mrs George Well, and is popular
young woman of Keokuk. Mr. Harness
is rising young business man of the
city.
The daily Gate City. [volume] (Keokuk, Iowa) 1855-1916, 1915-10-21
FAMOUsACTRESSSAYS
COFFEE HARMS
COMPLEXION
declares Coffee Habit Grows on One.
Du''s the Mind, and Weakens
the Muscles.

feopie who desire to retain youth
iui looks and a clear, healthy skin,
may be surprised to learn that SO
ein,nent an authority on beauty as
-liiian Russell declares, in recent
issue of the chicago Herald, that
poth coffee and tea have harmful
erect on the complexion The most
9outhtul skin can be made dry and
saiiow by the over indulgence of tea
or coffee.
1t always depresses me when hear
woman say, I must have a cup OF
oonee the first thing in the morning,
anu generally sip it in bed She
would be shocked If she heard some
ohe else say that they must have a
day.
| heard most beautiful old WON
I'll say, DO you think I would dry uo
my blood and ruin my skin by drink
ing tea?'
Inc coffee habit grows on one.
aha when coffee is used as a stimuli
snt there Is reaction, which means
aepress1on and causes over indulgence e
VI the use Of stronger stimulants. In
.ne continued use. stimulants dull the
inind and weaken the muscles"
NoIe-it Is satisfaction to know
n" IN the pure food-drink, Instan,
,os'un, Increasing thousands are find
s delightful morning beverage
leverage free from drugs or any
..s,mrul substance, and free from cot
.ees ills, but rich In those food eIe-
"en's supplied by Nature for build
ing good blood and strono, healthy
bodies.
The daily Gate City. [volume] (Keokuk, Iowa) 1855-1916, 1915-10-21

dam this morning. The party in
Guided, besides Mr. Manning, Mr.. and
Mrs. Chas Smith Of Boston, Mass.
Frank Trotter and son of Pueblo:
Colo, and Mrs. Eliza 8. Malcolm of
Fort Madison.
The Overland car with the WHY'S
Knight silent engine Is now on exht-
bition and sale at the Overland gar
age. Come in and see 1t.
Always the same-Red Crown
Steel Cut coffee.
Many people are visiting the in
dustrial section where the new smell
ter and the Standard Four Tire Co.
factories are being erected. II you
have grown pessimistic about the
future Of the city. take a trip to the
industrial tract and it will effect a
cure.
The Overland car with the WHY'S
Knight silent engine is now on exhi-
bition and sale at the Overland gar
age. Come in and see 1t.
Mayor Noorhead left yesterday in
his automobile for a two weeks trip
in Iowa and in the Dakotas where he
will visit friends. During his aesence,
Commissioner Collins will act in the
capacity of mayor.
When the Keokuk high school
football team goes to Mt Pleasant Sat
urday for the. fifth game Of the sea-
son. it will be accompanied by a large
number of local rooters A big mass
meeting will be held at 4 o'clock to-
morrow to drum up enthusiasm for
the game.
Nineteenth street will be opened
for traffic again next week. The work
of cementing the section between
The daily Gate City. [volume] (Keokuk, Iowa) 1855-1916, 1915-10-21
CITY NEWS.

Distinctive taste-Red Crown cot
fee.
Some excellent work Is being
done on the river road. It is in fine
condition.
Regular meeting of Keokult
Iodre. No. 1O6, B. P. o. E.. tonight at
o'clock, E!ks' hall. Sixth and Blon'
deau streets. Visitors invited. 1nitia-
Attractive price-Red Crown cot
fee.
The warm weather has caused the
fishing fever to spread again.
There is always one that Is the
best of everything in coffee. 1t Is
Hamill's Steel Cut.
Farmers are taking advantage o.
the good weather to do some roa@
work.
Order your coffee and tea at Bev-
er's grocery this week and get seven
bars of Lenox soap for 1Oc. Phone
955.
The superior court proceedings
today had foreign flavor. not exces-
sfvelv foreign. hut Just enough to I'M
pert a cosmopolitan lustre. Nose r.
Printv OF Hamilton celebrated here
Yesterday and got ten days. Dan FOX.
a visitor from Warsaw, received IKE
sentence for like charge. But
Archie Chichester of Bushnell, ILL.,
could not figure out why he was ar
rested. It was for vagrancy Ihlrty
dav was the sentence. but Chidester
chose to return to his home on an
afternoon train.
Special meeting Gate City Chap-
FER No. !, r. A. NJ, Friday, OCTOBER
%. 7:3o D. m. NJ. NJ. degree. Z. NJ
KiuGman, secretary.
The daily Gate City. [volume] (Keokuk, Iowa) 1855-1916, 1915-10-21
MILLIONS USE It
til STOP A COLD
"PAPE's COLD COMPOUND" ENDS
SEVERE COLDS OR GRIPPE
IN FEW HOURS,
Relief comes instantly.

Relief comes instantly.
A dose taken every two hours I'M
til three doses are taken will end
grippe misery and break up a severe
cold either in the head, chest, body
or limbs.
It promptly opens clogged-up nos
trils and air passages in the head,
stops nasty discharge or nose run
ming, relieves sick headache, dullness,
feverishness, sore throat, sneezing,
soreness and stiffness.
Don't stay stuffed-up! Quit blowing
and snuffling! Ease your throbbing
head! Nothing else in the world gives
such prompt relief as "Pape's Cold
Compound" which costs only rs cents
at any drug store. 1t acts without
assistance, tastes nice, causes no in
convenience. Be sure you get the
genuine.
The daily Gate City. [volume] (Keokuk, Iowa) 1855-1916, 1915-10-21
PERSONALS.

Mrs. Martha Schaeffer Of Roles
burg, West Virginia and Mrs. Hume
and Mrs. Matlick Of Rutledge, Mo-, are
guests Of Mrs. Hume's daughter, Mrs.
R. D. Witt.
Mrs. A. G. Soiberg and daughter.
Irma, Of Chicago, are visiting her faith
er. Mr. Chris Rentzinger. and other
relatives in this city and vicinity.
Hal s. Ray. assistant general pas
senger agent of the Rock Island; a.
w. Eberhart, division freight agent:
A. T. Abbott superintendent Des
Moines valley division: o. B. Nc
Nance, travelling freight agent: all
of Des Moines, and c. r. Milligan, To-
cal agent, were visiting the new smelt-
ing plant this morning and calling on
the merchants. They left for their
homes this afternoon.
The daily Gate City. [volume] (Keokuk, Iowa) 1855-1916, 1915-10-21
MISCELLAN EOUS

Notwithstanding at once We will
maintain for the convenience of
our patrons and the general public, a
For Rent List" Persons who have
houses to rent may telephone or
bring in notices, stating owners
name, location. size, conventences
and rent desired per month We will
keep this list on file and anyone who
desires to rent a house may obtain a
list by calling at our store. This serv-
ice will be absolutely free, without
charge to either renter or owner. We
do not undertake to rent any house,
our object being merely for a con-
venience to those desiring to rent.
Duncan-Schell Furn. Co.
The daily Gate City. [volume] (Keokuk, Iowa) 1855-1916, 1915-10-21
Birthday Party.

A very pleasant birthday party was
given Wednesday afternoon in honor
Of Gladys Riley at the residence 1916
Reid street. Refreshments were served
during the afternoon and an enjoy
able time was spent. Miss Gladys re-
ceived number of pretty gifts. Those
present were: Dolly and Lutcha Has
per, Elsie Tucker, Maxine wager.
Edith Mackie. Evelyn Banghart. Doris
avs, Pauline Owley, Minnie PANEL.
Cleato Eppers, Viola Norder, Ethel
Aimworth, Irene Hawren. Miss Louis
and Miss Robinson.
The daily Gate City. [volume] (Keokuk, Iowa) 1855-1916, 1915-10-21

The supervisors are IN session
again today.
Free from claff-Red Crown COT
fee.
Regular meeting Of Pukechetuck
encampment No. 7, I. o. o. F.. at
Odd Fellows hall at s o'clock tonight.
Visiting brethren fraternally invited
to attend.
Railroad men report an improve
ment In business. Grain is beginning
to move.
in a short time the residents on
north Main street from Fourteenth
street to Nineteenth street, will be
interviewed on the question Of paving
these five blocks. Nothing Is to be
done this year, but the matter will
come I'D for consideration next spring.
Clean because no hands touch it
Red Crown coffee.
Read The Gate City's classified
column.
DO not delay. Begin using Ham
HIS Steel Cut coffee.
Auto trips are a real pleasure
since the roads have improved.
-Hippodrome. Wait for the big
Musical Girl show. Oct. 25, 26 and 81.
Not a moving picture.
The nutters are out in forces this
week. Hickory and walnuts are
ripe now and are being gathered rap
idly.
Friction top, sanitary can-Red
Crown coffee.
-Keokuk is growing Take trip
over the city and you Will be ready to
admit after your investigation that
progress is being made all along the
line.
Calvin Manning. the banker Of OF
tumwa. Iowa. with a party motored to
Keokuk yesterday. They visited the
The daily Gate City. [volume] (Keokuk, Iowa) 1855-1916, 1915-10-21
EvangeIistic Committee Of Ministerial
Association Hopes to Bring Dr..
John s. Hamilton
Here.
MESSAGE IS SENT HIM
Committee Met This Noon and Made
Plans for Meeting and Also for
Meeting Hamilton Here ..
Next Week.

A series Of evangelistic meetings
will be held in Keokuk, probably from
February 20 to April 2 The evangel-
Iistic committee which was appointed
lat the meeting of the ministerial as
Isociation Monday morning met this
noon at luncheon and decided on this
step. DR.. John S. Hamilton will be
asked to come to Keokuk next week,
and to meet with the people of the
city in union prayer meeting, and
with the men Of the city. DR.. Hamil-
ton is the man in mind for the leader
of this evangelistic campaign.
The entire evangelistic committee
with the exception Of DR.. Beardsley
who Is absent from the city, which
met this noon and took steps in this
matter, is as follows: Rev. E. Leroy
Steffey, First Methodist Protestant;
Rev. H. B. McElree. United Presby-
terrain; E. l.. Aldrich. First Christian;
Henry Stricken, Westminster Pres.
byterian: c. S. Townsend. First Bap-
fist: C. E. Durgee, Y. M. c. A. and
Trinity NJ e. church.
DR.. John s. Hamilton, of Cleveland,
Ohio, was the choice of the commit
tee for the meeting next spring. He
will close a meeting at Marion. Ind.
on this coming Sunday, and will open
at Hastings, Nebraska, on the last
Sunday in October. It is the wish OF
the committee that he stop over hero
on his way to Hastings. If this can
be arranged a union prayer meeting
has been planned. also a dinner at
which DR.. Hamilton can meet the
representative men of the city. In
this way 1t Is hoped that closer re-
lation may be established. and plans
for the coming meeting better carried
out.
A message has been sent to DR.
Hamilton with the request that he
wire his answer to the invitation.
The daily Gate City. [volume] (Keokuk, Iowa) 1855-1916, 1915-10-21
.PYTH|AN SISTERS
TO GIVE PROGRAM
x.nty.seventh Anniversary Of the
Founding Of the Order viii be
Observed Tonight at
X. p. Hall.
MRS. PooLER IS HERE
District Deputy Grand Chief Of the
order From Burlington, Will
Make Short Talk
at Meeting.

The twenty-seventh anniversary Aof
the organization of the Pythian Sisters
will be observed this evening by Even
ing Star temple No. 254 in the X. p.
hall, An appropriate program of music
an addresses has been prepared for
the occasion and following the pro-
cram there will be music and dancing
and supper.
The program will include the follow
ing features:
Music-Orchestra.
Address-Judge w. S. Hamilton.
Reading-Mrs. Hughes.
instrumental solo-Miss Elizabeth
Lang.
Address Louisa Pooler Of
Burlington.
Vocal solo-Mrs. O. w. Sandberg.
Reading-Miss Mildred Rayburn.
Music-Orchestra.
Address-John E. Craig.
song-America, by entire assem-
blage. 80,
Following the program. supper VII
be served with the following menu:
Chicken pie Mashed potatoes
Succotash
Celery cold SlaW
Ice cream Coree CAKE
dancing will follow the supper to-
NIGHT. and it is expected that there
will be big crowd at the annivers-
airy meeting.
Mrs. Louisa Pooler Of Burlington,
Iowa. district deputy Grand chief OF
the Pythian Sisters, is in the city to
attend the anniversary. While in
the CITY she will be entertained Dy
Mrs. A. Mass of 406 Timea.