davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Brattleboro daily reformer. (Brattleboro, Vt.) 1913-1955, 1915-07-24
PUTS BAN ON ANCIENT JOKES
Bank Teller, Driven to Desperation,
Officially Announces the Canning"
of Musty Wittcisms.

The paying teller in one of the
large trust companies, which has
many woman depositors, has just had
this framed and hung up on the wall
of his cage:
"Notice-The following old jokes
are officially canned:
L. The joke about the woman who
drew check wrong, threw it into the
ire, and then called up the bank in
panic and asked that payment on
the check be stopped Immediately.
y. The joke about the woman who
went into a bank and thought she
could open the same kind of an &C
count as in department store, set
Ting up at the end of the month
3. The joke about the woman who,
when her husband opened a bank &C
count for her, was afraid to draw
checks because she thought people
might find out how much she was
spending and what it was for.
a. The joke about the woman who,
when told by the bank that she had
overdrawn her account, insisted that
it couldn't be, as she had several blank
checks left in her check book.
SO. The joke about the woman who
went up in the air and was grievously
insulted because the cashier (who
lived on the same street, insisted
that she must be identified upon pre-
senting a check for payment"
The Brattleboro daily reformer. (Brattleboro, Vt.) 1913-1955, 1915-07-24
No Pent-Up Utica.
(Barre Times.l

Merchants row with an illuminated
chime clock win give Rutland an added
touch of metropolitanism. There are
people, as matter of fact, who are to.
day comparing Rutland S business dis
trict with that of Broadway, at Times
square,-to the disadvantage OF the lat
ter-Rutland News.
Was it the "most modest city in Yer
mont designated that The Brattleboro
Reformer recently gave Rutland? If it
WASH t, we make haste to amend the
Brattleboro contemporary S classified
ton in order to fasten that desig
nation upon a city which admits that
New York city is somewhat of bacl
number in comparison with it. Go it
Rutland; the next goal of your ambi
tion is no less a town than London, the
largest in the world.
The Brattleboro daily reformer. (Brattleboro, Vt.) 1913-1955, 1915-07-24
Tribute to Trees.

The trees formed the first temples
of the gods, and even at the present
day the country people. preserving in
all their simplicity their ancient rites.
consecrate the finest of their trees to
some divinity. Indeed, we feel our
selves inspired to alteration not less
by the sacred groves, and their very
stiffness, than by the statues of the
gods, respondent as they are with
gold and ivory. Each kind Of tree re-
mains immutably consecrated to some
divinity; the beech to Jupiter. the
laurel to Apollo, the olive to Minerva,
the myrtle to Venus and the poplar to
Hercules. In more recent times it
was the trees that, by their juices,
more soothing even than corn, first
Modified the natural asperity of man.
-Pliny.
The Brattleboro daily reformer. (Brattleboro, Vt.) 1913-1955, 1915-07-24
Japanese Women as Nurses.
(BOston Record.)

japanese women are earning praise as
nurses in the Red Cross service. Lon
don Truth pays an appreciative tribute
to them. The Japan Times quotes from
Truth with some commendable pride.
The Paris correspondent of Truth is
enthusiastic about these nurses at the
hospital established in the Astoria Ho-
tel. None of them is under "a. The heads
of the staff, men and women, number
80. The women, all married, lost near
relatives in the last war. Chief nurses
and their leading assistants went
The Brattleboro daily reformer. (Brattleboro, Vt.) 1913-1955, 1915-07-24

Experts of agricultural machinery
have practically ceased on account of
the war. The manufacturers, there
fore, should devote their energies TO
stimulating the demand of the home
market for their product. During the
war, and for some years after it, we
shall have to feed a greater portion of
the world than ever before.
The Brattleboro daily reformer. (Brattleboro, Vt.) 1913-1955, 1915-07-24
TO ADVERTISERS.

Transient advertising-Run of paper
so cents an inch for first insertion; %
cents an inch for each subsequent inser-
ton. Limited space on first page at
double rates.
Space rates on application.
Classified advertisements Five cents
a line first insertion with SO per cent
discount for each subsequent insertion
without change of copy
Reading Notices-Ten cents per line
first insertion with SO per cent discount
for each subsequent insertion without
change of copy.
Position 10 per cent extra.
The Brattleboro daily reformer. (Brattleboro, Vt.) 1913-1955, 1915-07-24
|HeNITGHEN'
|YsE1ABINET

A life spent in brushing clothes. and
washing erockery, and sweeping floors
"a life which the proud of earth would
have treated as the dust under their
feet; a life spent at a clerks desk, a
life spent in a narrow shop, a life
spent in the laborers hut, may yet be
a life so enn6bled by Gods loving
mercy that for the sake of it a king
might gladly yield his crown.-Canon
Farrar.
The Brattleboro daily reformer. (Brattleboro, Vt.) 1913-1955, 1915-07-24

There is something of variety in
interstate interests with Rhode Island
Red hens, owned by Vermont poul-
tryman at St. Adams, leading the in
ternational egg laying contest in its
34th week in Connecticut at the Storrs
agricultural experiment station.
The Brattleboro daily reformer. (Brattleboro, Vt.) 1913-1955, 1915-07-24
Thaw as a Hero. .
EST. Adams Messenger

Harry K. Thaw was 'hailed as a
hero on his arrival at his old home in
Pittsburgh yesterday. 1t does not take
much to make hero in the minds of
some people.-Brattlebor Reformer.
Not least among the many disgusting
details of the Thaw case has been the
idiotic ionizing of the man whose
The Brattleboro daily reformer. (Brattleboro, Vt.) 1913-1955, 1915-07-24

slder confectionery, yet
ten cents a pound dates
are a cheap energy-pro-
ducing food, one which
gives six times the re-
turns per pound as good
beefsteak. In many coun-
tries dates, figs and black
bread are the only foods
eaten, yet the people are
strong, sturdy and able
The Brattleboro daily reformer. (Brattleboro, Vt.) 1913-1955, 1915-07-24
TO SURSC RIDERS.

1t Is the aim of the management to
secure efficient service in the delivery
of the paper each night and it solicits
the cooperation of subscribers to that
end. Prompt reports should be given of
each failure to receive the paper on the
morning following the omission, In per-
son, by telephone or postal card, thus
enabling the cause of the error to be
promptly and accurately discovered and
the proper remedy Immediately applied.
1t is only by this method that the pub
Usher can secure the desired service.
The Brattleboro daily reformer. (Brattleboro, Vt.) 1913-1955, 1915-07-24
All Her Fault.

What brought you here, my poor
fellow?' missionary asked a convict.
married new woman, sir, - the
prisoner groaned.
"'Aha!' said the missionary, "and
she was so domineering and extrava-
CANT that it drove you to desperate
courses, eh?''
"No,' replied the prisoner, "but
the old woman turned up. ''-Tit-Bits.
The Brattleboro daily reformer. (Brattleboro, Vt.) 1913-1955, 1915-07-24

Edison S services have been enlisted
he had been a German he would have
been working for the government 25
years ago.
The Brattleboro daily reformer. (Brattleboro, Vt.) 1913-1955, 1915-07-24

Germany has probably awakened to
the fact that the ideas of William j.
Bryan are not those of the United
States government.
The Brattleboro daily reformer. (Brattleboro, Vt.) 1913-1955, 1915-07-24
A LIFE ANNUITY

is contract which guarantees to pay
a fixed sum of money in each year dur
ing the lifetime of a person called an
annuitant The income will be paid
annually, semi-annually, quarterly or
monthly, as desired. National Life ms.
Co, Of Vt (Mutual) - EARLE S.
KINSLEY, General Agent, Rutland VT.
The Brattleboro daily reformer. (Brattleboro, Vt.) 1913-1955, 1915-07-24
SOME WAYS WITH DATES.

Dates are considered in most homes
as an occasional dainty, as we con-
The Brattleboro daily reformer. (Brattleboro, Vt.) 1913-1955, 1915-07-24
e Honey Bee, S. Merwin.

The Idyl of Twin Fires, w. 2. Eaton.
\ story full of the heart and life of
the country. The teacher-farmer s love
story is told with much quiet humor
and woven with it is his numerous sue
cessful and unsuccessful farming pro-
jects
The Brattleboro daily reformer. (Brattleboro, Vt.) 1913-1955, 1915-07-24

Dance tonight at Island Park.-Adv.
The Brattleboro daily reformer. (Brattleboro, Vt.) 1913-1955, 1915-07-24
Thankful's Inheritance, Joseph Lincol

Thankful Is Inheritance, Joseph Lincoln.
istic novel of Cape Cod in which the
widow of sea-captain starts to take
summer boarders in Haunted
House. - The venture ends in a finant
eial deficit, but the ghost is unearthed
and the widow adds to her assets - a
new husband, handy to have about the
house.
The Brattleboro daily reformer. (Brattleboro, Vt.) 1913-1955, 1915-07-24
Loneliness, Hugh Benson.
Still Jim. Honoro Wilsie.

Still Jim, young engineer in the
reclamation service, has survived a
stiff New England training and in con
sequence has an Incorporating Pur
itan conscience which keeps him from
understanding the foreigners under his
control. He very slowly and painfully
comes to an understanding of his work,
helped by the woman he loves.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1915-05-05
ANNUAL B. A. |. MEET AT THE FAIR
 GROUNDS MAY b
Southern Universities Will Compete in Athletic Games. B. A. c. and Y. M. C.; A.
 Preparing for Meet

On Saturday, May 15 the eighth an
 nual invitation field meet of the Blr- ,mingham Athletic club will be conducted
 at the fair grounds. Teams representing
 the leading southern universities and
 athletic clubs will compete with the
 local athletes. and several records are
 expected to go by the board
 Already Auburn, the University of Alabama and Clemson have signified their intention of sending their track
 teams to the Birmingham meet. The Y M G. p of New Orleans will also send a contingent of athletes and, ac- cording to Physical Director Glow of the Birmingham Athletic club. the field meet this year will be one of the most successful in the annals of the local | Athletic club.
 | The local Y M 0. A. has an excellent | track team this year and is entered | in the B. A. C. meet. The Y. M. c. A athletes fully intend to lower the colors
 of their local athletic rivals but htis l Dr. Blow of the Athletic club contends will be- a difficult feat According to
 Dr. Glow of the Athletic club contends 1 fine shape and are bound to make very | creditable showing against the colle-
 giate visitors week from Saturday.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1915-05-05

nIG DAVE ROTH assayed to N down Atlanta and yesterday, A and for five innings had the Crackers on his hip. In the sixth, how ever, the tardy bludgeons of the At lantans began to work-the seventh and eighth innings merely swelled up the score and the popular spitballer had lost another battle.
 A week from today the Baron squad must be reduced to 15 players.
 
 As the Barons will carry five hurlers throughout the season and the present staff is composed of six men, one of them must go It begins to look a if Hardgrove or Roth would draw the unlucky ticket.
 Regarding the nfied, Coombs and Bell are now the excess baggage. and it is within the range of possibilities that both of these boys will be dropped. There is chance that Coombs may stick as utility man
 Tn the Oulleld oNlnS 10 ulfIefenceS with the Baronial management. it is quite likely that the popular Charley Stewart will be dropped and Jimmie Magee will be retained.
 Our opinion is that Stewart is a bet ter and more valuable player than Ma gee. We are also of the opinion that Stewart would make mighty accepta- ble utility man-but then We do not know much about baseball according to the Baronial management.
 Walter Johnson lost another game yesterday. The great and only speed artist is not making a very impressive start this season
 On Friday the Barons return home and will remain at Redwood until May 25, when they go to Little Rock, Memphis. Nashville and Chattanooga for series in each city.
 Memphis, under the management of Briscoe Lord, will be the first of the western visitors at Redwood this sea son. They arrive Friday and will play four games with the Barons.
 After Memphis comes Harry Me Cormick, and his Chattanoogans. The 'Noogans will finger in the city for four games.
 Bill Schwartz and the Nashville Vols who are setting the pace in the South ern circuit at the present will follow the 'Noogans at Redwood and the long home siege will end with four
The Birmingham age-herald., 1915-05-05
|OLD ATHLETIC ROW
 RESUMED BETWEEN ,. TWO STATE SCHOOLS
Tennis Match Between Au- burn and Alabama Can celed-Bragg of Au-
 burn Objected

University. May 4.-tSpecial) l)-According to information reaching the university. Thomas Bragg, graduate manager of ath- letics at Auburn has brought a stop to negotia tions looking to a tennis match between Alabama and Auburn teams.
 As announced several days ago arrange ments for a tennis match between the universities recently were completed, and the game was to have been played this week. The match was arranged between the two teams and was not under the aus pices of the athletic authorities of either institution.
 Alabama athletic authorities took no &C., tion on the matter, however, but the game was called off by the Auburn contingent, who wrote that MT. Bragg was of the opinion that the match might be con strued as resumption of athletic rela- t1ons between the two colleges and that such relation would be entirely contrary to the athletic policy of Auburn The ac- ton prohibiting the match, according to reports reaching here. was taken over the protest of the students who were to play against the Alabamians.
 Some friction seems to have developed at Auburn over the affair and local stu dents express deep regret that negotia- tions were opened.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1915-05-05
DIAMOND SPARKS

games with the baby member of the league-Little Rock. The local fans will then have seen every team on the circuit
 With Is home games facing them. the Barons should feel cheerful-and the fans also.
 The surest sign that the Federals are losing out is the decrease in the output of publicity this season. When the outlaws fired the press agents the money sacks were certainly empty Bernie Roland won another victory for the Detroit Tigers yesterday. This makes four straight for the former Vol. .F
 sam Crawford has one supreme ann btion, to equal the 5000 hit records of Hans Wagner and Larry Lajoie. and then to set up a mark of 3500 which will endure as a monument.
 
 The tonsorial outfielder of the Tigers who has pastured at Detroit for the last F summers has made 2o3l hits, an average of more than 1s4 a season. With statistics a bit deficient but giving the slugger his average of 1884 hits a season--he un- doubtedly did better-Sam Crawford collected 736 bingles in 1900 to 1903 inclusive, which would bring his total to y767. Just ordinary walloping this summer and next will send Wahoo Sam, up in the charmed circle of Ma poleon Lajoie and Honus Wagner: then the barber outfielder of Detroit is determined to keep on hitting the ball until a mark is set up for all time. Some ambition.
 
 In the opening game of the San Quentin prison baseball sea son a few days ago big negro boy playing second base became angry at the de- cision of the umpire
 Ann knock yo haid off when An git outa here" he yelled
 You'll have to go some to catch me-" answered the smiling jumps. :" 'I beat you drought the gate by three years and a half"
 Dannie Clark kept up his walop- ing yesterday. Charley Carroll is also hitting well on the present road trip. For some mysterious reason Edson Hemingway has gone hitless the last two games. This must be nves- tigated R. F. l..
The Birmingham age-herald., 1915-05-05
MAGEE MAKES
 GREAT CATCH

A great one-handed running catch In deep center field by Magee was the bright est feature of the game. It was vicious drive from Rumlers bat, and when Magee made the catch the big Cracker outfielder was rounding second base.
 Bisland robbed Carroll of a hit in the sixth. Rumler made four fine catches in right field. These plays. with the base running of Moran, were the other features of the game. A fast double play by the Crackers in the eighth staying off the Barons.
 Carols single, Ellam's sacrifice and Roth's double tailed the lone Barons' run
 Lees single, Williams sacrifice, Smiths -- infield out and Rumler's single tied up the game for the Crackers in the sixth
 Bisland nearly knocked Carroll down with vicious grounder to start the Crack CTS seventh Carroll Jagged the ball. but Bisland beat Roth to the bag and was given credit for a hit. Ebel doubled to right Dent then shot a screamer by Clark between Magee and Sloan for three cushions. scoring two runs
 With two gone in the eighth. Moran singled and stole. Bisland popped a fly which Hemingway dropped and Moran tal- lied.
 Hardgrove will be pitted against Allen in Wednesdays game
 The official score:
The Birmingham age-herald., 1915-05-05
By DICK JEMIsoN

Atlanta. May 4.-tSpeciai. D-Buffa- 1oed by Roth's splitter, his slow ball and hIs slower for five innings, the Crackers learned the combination in the sixth inning md in that and the next two innings hammered out enough bingles to win today's contest to l and make the series one and one. Dent was pitted against Roth. He started had with the usual untimeiy bobbic be- hind him, but steadied after the first three innings and held the Barons in check, scoring his second win of the season over the Barons.
 It was quite a coincident that the sticks of the rival slabmen should figure in the runs. Roth drove in the run that put the Barons in the lead in the second inning with a double and Dent hit for three cushions in the seventh, giving the locals sufficient to win by two runs count ing on the blow.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1915-05-05
Walter Johnson Is Defeated

Boston, May 4.-Foster. ably supported at critical moments, outpitched Walter Johnson today and Boston won from Washington to 0. Speakers triple scored Hooper, who had been passed in the first. and Lewis triple and Hoblit- zelrs single counted again for the Red Sox. in the seventh. Double plays started by McNally. a recruit playing third base. were prominent factors in Boston's de- fense Score: R.H. E. Washington ......... 900 600 O00--O 6 Boston ............... 100 GOO 01*-2 3
 Batteries: Johnson and Ainsmith; Will Hams, Foster and Thomas
The Birmingham age-herald., 1915-05-05

outside of the courtrooms, l believe.
 Johnson expressed the opinion that the national pastfme as professional ized would be bettered by the trials which it is undergoing" He asserted that peace. or an agreement between organized baseball and the Federal league was not in sight immediately and had not been discussed recently but he added that he had no fears for the future.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1915-05-05
NASHVILLE VOLS
 ARE FALTERING
Berger Hit Hard in Fifth and Sixth lnnings-Dodge and Johnston
 Get HOmers

chattanooga, May 4,-Overcoming a lead of to by hitting Berger hard in the fifth and sixth innings. Chat 'anoosa scored two runs principally through the pitchers wild throw in the eighth and won an exciting game from Nashville by to T. Dodge and Johnston hit home runs. McCabe got two singles and two doubles. Score:
The Birmingham age-herald., 1915-05-05

Johnson explained in an earlier statement that he was willing to have the suit in the Illinois federal court withdrawn did not refer solely to this case.
 "The suggestion and my acceptance of it." he said, referred to suits gen. erally at issue between the Federals and those allied with the national com mission. Baseball should have been kept out of the courts and it is not
The Birmingham age-herald., 1915-05-05

SUMMARY. Two-base Hits-Roth, Eibel. Three-bas Hit-Dent. Double Pay-Dent to Williams to Eibel. Struck Out-Dent 3, Roth l. Bases on Balls-Dent 1, Roth 1. Sacrifice Hits-Hemingway, Ellam, Will lia his. Stolen Bases-Sloan, Moran ?, Lee. Time-1:i0. Ufnpires-O Toole and Williams.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1915-05-05
NATIONAL LEAGUE
STANDING
Bob Harmon Wins

Pittsburg, May 4.--In a drizzling lain Pittsburg defeated St Louis to- day 1 to 3. The contest was stopped twice by the rain and was called in the last half of the eighth. Both liar
 mon and Perdue were hit hard long
The Birmingham age-herald., 1915-05-05
Ban Johnson In FdDOr
 of Dropping Court Suits
President of American League Hints At PeaceSays Baseball Should Have Been Kept Out of Courts-Fed
 Magnate Assents

Boston, May 4.-Ban Johnson, president of the American League today declared himself in favor of withdrawing from the suits between organized baseball and the Federal League. suggestion to this effect from Phillip Ball. pres- of the St. Louis Federas he said with hsconsent
The Birmingham age-herald., 1915-05-05
MEMPHIS DEFEATS
 LITTLE ROCK TEAM
Keeley Holds Enemy to Three Hits Charley Starr Makes
 Home Run

Little Rock Ark May 4-Erratic pitch ing and costly errors gave Memphis a victory over Little Rock. to ?, today. Keeey held Little Rock to three hits. but one was a home run and another double scored a run. Score:
The Birmingham age-herald., 1915-05-05
Spitballer Hammered in the Sixth, Seventh and Eighth Stanzas = HardgrOve Is Slated to Face Atlanta Today
SOUTHERN LEAGUE STANDING
Results Yesterday

Atlanta l. Birmingham 1.
 Memphis 4 Little Rock ,.
 Chattanooga 9, Nashville :.
 New Orleans s. Mobile s. (Called; darkness).
The Birmingham age-herald., 1915-05-05
Games Today

Birmingham at Atlanta New Orleans at Mobile. Memphis at Little Rock. Nashville at Chattanooga.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1915-05-05
TEXAS LEAGUE

At Dallas-Dallas, 0-3: San Antonio. e-2. (Second game six innings. darkness,. .At Shreveport-Shreyepor [; Beau mont. 12. At Fort worth Fort Worth. 2. Hous- | ton. 1.
 At Waco~7Naco. g. Galveston. !
The Birmingham age-herald., 1915-05-05
International League

At Jersey City: Jersey City-Toronto. wet grounds.
 At Newark Newark Buffalo rain
 At Providence: Providence [. Roches- ter 1.
 At Richmond: Richmond 10, Montreal g.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1915-05-05
AMERICAN LEAGUE
STANDING
Roland Wins Again

St. Louis, May 4.-Vitt and Cobb scored in the first inning of the Detroit-St. Louis game today on Shotten's tumble or Neach's fly. home run by Mckee in the sixth completed the scoring for De- troit, which won, 3 to 1. St. Louis lone tally was made by Pratt in the fourth inning Score. R. H. E. Detroit .... 900 OO1 OO0--S o St. Louis ..... GOO 100 OO0-1 5 ? Batteries Roland and Mckee; Hamilton, James, Hoch and Agnew.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1915-05-05

Summary Two-base hit, East. Home run. Starr. Stolen base, Cruthers. Sac rifice hit Woodruff. Double plays. Cruthers to Baldwin to Dunckel. Starr to ! Downey to Covington. Struck out kee- lev D. East 6. Bases on balls. Keely 8.
 East T. Wild pitch,f East: J First on
 errors. Little Rock ?. Memphis 2. Time, 200 Umpire, Breitenstein.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1915-05-05

Summary: Stolen bases Daley. El- herfeld. Caveney. Star. Berger. Sacrf- flee hits. King. Stark. Harris. Two base hits, McCabe 2, Berger, Stark. Home runs, Dodge, Johnston. Double play, Johnston to Elberfeld to Harris. Hits, off Harding in l inning, runs. none out In second. Struck out, Clark ?, Ber- ger ,. Bases on balls. Harding 2, Clark 3, Berger D Time. e20. Empires, Ches- mutt and Pfenninger.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1915-05-05
FEDERAL LEAGUE
Mcconnell Is Defeated

Baltimore, May 4.-McConnell's wild ness in the opening inning was suffi- cient to give Baltimore two runs just enough to take the first of the series from Chicago this afternoon 3 to 2 Quinn pitched good ball throughout Wilson's homer over the left field fence featured Score: RH F. Chicago ........ 900 100 010=2 g : Baltimore ... 200 100 00*-3 5 1
 Batteries: Mcconnell and Fischer, Wilson; quinn and owens.
 hits being numerous. Score. R. II. E. St Louis ..... 002 001 00--3 s Q Pittsburg ........ 120 010 00--4 9 '
 Batteries: Perdue and snyder; mar mon and Schang.