Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1915-07-15

pear at the edge of the jungle, and
began to hope that they were of some
ittnerant band from the opposite OF
the island that had CHANGED upon this
locality in its wanderings, and might
not again return. l was not even
sure they had seen me.
And slowly, wierdly, while / dwelt
in uncertainty and suspense, tho in.
| fluonce of the lady in the picture
| grew upon me and compelled me.
1t may have been at first, and doubt.
less was, a form of autohypnosis. AL;
! ready the seed for such an influence
| had been planted in the turning Of
young Mansfield and myself to the un-
known girls diary for diversion from
| the too tense strain Of anxiety. Now,
in utter isolation / was doubly in
thoughts from channels which go
| down to madness and despair.
The lifelike quality of the portrait
| made it easier to talk aloud, and as
the spell grew found myself talking
| with the softness of the lover.
There is POWER in the spoken
| word. There mere act of giving audi.
BILE expression is spur to thought.
| Sitting alone and DEBATING how uncer.
| tainly the wretched spark of life sput-
| tered at the wick of my being l was
| the craven. When l talked to tho
picture whose lips smiled as though
all the world were brave, I grew
ashamed of my terror,
Leaving my cave in the morning
| to forage and reconnoiter with the
slung-shot on my wrist and the pistol
at my belt, would carry with me. as
fragrant memory, the gracious smilo
of her lips and the royal fearlessness
Of her eyes.
Her image nerved me TO endurance,
gave me a shoulder-touch on normal
thought, and enabled me to hold in
memory the world for which her even
ing gown and pearls were symbols.
And in deeply morbid moments this
was all, perhaps, that saved me from
losing my grip. Certainly it was all
an artificial stay-a. ludicrous pre-
tense-but it served, and that is the
final test of any love or any creed.
1t served.
AS these forces worked I, at times,
forgot that the picture was that of
an unknown. Its reality was so strong
| that it came to stand for some one
had left behind, whom I must live to
rejoin, some one inexpressibly Gear
whose love hung over me and safe
guarded me like powerful talisman.
Often, in my broken sleep would
dream that l was sore beset by a
thousand dangers and had fled to my
cave as animals have fled to caves
since the world began, and that ]
stood huddling there miserably await.
ing the end. Then, in the dream, she
would come out Of the picture, as Gal
atea stepped down from the lifeless
ness of granite into the rosy warmth
of life.
My assailants always fell back be-
fore her coming, and /, despite my
terror, would attempt to meet her
gallantly. She would open a hidden
door in the side of the rock, and lead
me through 1t.
And always, in this repeated and
unvarying dream, beyond the door
we stepped into brilliantly lighted
room where men and women in even
ing dress chatted carelessly, or
danced to the tinkle of stringed in
struments.
By these degrees the illusion grew
until by pretense became a vagary
and obsession. and to me ceased to be
a pretense. fell back on occultism
and told myself that had succeeded,
by mere concentration OF mind, in
forcing her to project her astral self
across the world, until had with me
both her picture and her essence of
soul.
Many of life's most sacred and per-
manent institutions are only fictions,
long entertained. My fiction became
so real to me that for periods | for.
got to question it; then, sometimes,
at moment when the illusion was
strongest, some impulse or reason
would strike in upon and chill me,
like dash of cold water.
1t would come upon me to think of
myself as should have appeared to
any unwarned stranger who had
found me talking, even lovemaking,
with sheet of lifeless paper. And
from that impersonal viewpoint l
would wonder II my brain had already
crumbled to madness and imbecility.
The cold sweat would bead my fore
head. My finger would creep to the
trigger of my pistol and linger there,
twitching with the itch or self-iestruc-
tion. But soon the smiling lips would
reassure me; the mood would pass.
and again I would surrender myself
to the pretense which was grateful
where the truth was ausrere and des-
olate.