South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1915-02-22
Statesmen Real
and Near.
By Fred c. Kelly

WASHINGTON, Feb. % - Sen.
Lawrence Y. Sherman of Illinois never
gives tips. In refusing to tip he is
not prompted by a sense of economy
so much as the idea that one should
Rave the courage of ones convictions.
He knows of no reason why a man
should pay the highest price for hotel
food and then bride a hotel employe
TO fetch it to him. Likewise he sees
no logic in paying a bellboy to hover
about in ones way performing useless
service. AS rule Sherman eats in
old-fashioned restaurants where ne
can sit on a neat little revolving stool,
and he stays at the medium priced
hotels, simply because he diSlikes the
pOmp and glitter OF the more preten-
tious places. A little while ago, how
ever, Sherman went to New York to
make speech, and a reception COM
mittee, escorted him to one of the
big hotels, where a belbOy carries
up ones grip, asks if the guest de-
sires any ice water, takes tip, goes,
and sends up the ice water by still
another bellboy who also expects
tip.
The boy who carried Sherman's
modest little satchel to his room
hustled about. turning on electric
lights, raising window shades, lower
ing window shades, messing with the
lace curtains, changing the key from
the outside to the inside of the door,
and by divers other methods making
himself generally obnoxious. After he
had exhausted his entire repertory of
ways and means to annoy a guest, he
asked Sherman if he wanted any ice
water. Sherman said he did not. Then
the boy inquired if there was any
thing else he could do, and Sherman
shook his head.
Still the boy hung about, as if wait
ing for something.
Il think thatll be ALL remarked
sherman. becoming rather annoyed
Thank you, SIR replied the boy.
with much overpollteness, backing out
of the door, thank you, thank you"
A bellbOy Of course. always says
thank you three times when he has
received no tip, but only once when he
has Sherman noted three thank
yous, all in a row, and savagely he
responded somewhat as follows:
You're welcome, gOldarn you, gol-
darn you, goldarn you!"
Lineas d. Underwood, one of the
special examiners in the United States
patent office, has a young son who is,
in a way, the luckiest and also the
most tantalized boy in the country.
UnderwOOd's position requires him to
pass on the plans for all newly in
vented toys, velocipedes, and similar
articles. Every night he goes home
and tells his little boy what new toys,
puzzles, games, and playthings of
various kinds are going TO be on the
market. On an average of once a
week Underwood becomes so interest
ed in a new toy that he makes it a
point TO learn where it will be man.
ufactured, and he arranges TO buy the
-. q, Ia
boy is the first in the United States
TO play with certain of the new toys.
But the unlucky part of the child's
position is that every evening he
hears of still more newly invented
toys, and he wants them all 1t is
highly impractiCable for any father
TO buy his son all the toys that are
invented-and many OF the inventions
will never be successfully marketed
anyhow Sometimes Underwoods' boy
wishes his father had another job. SO
that he would not hear of so many
toys that he must do without.
When the immigration bill was up
in the house recently a speaker made
the ascertain that the illiteracy
among While people in the district
represented by Caleb Powers Of Ken
lucky is about so per cent Powers
resented the statement and hastily
arose TO declare that the illiteracy
among whites in his district was
merely about I 3 per cent.
All of which recalled 10 Wild Bill
Gordon OF Ohio this incident
While trying a lawsuit a year or
so before he entered congress, Wild
Bin sought TO discredit the testimony
of certain colored witness for the
other side
Weren't YOU arrested recently and
fined Si9 for stealing chickens" in
quired Gordon.
No. sir. / was net" replied the
witness rising from his chair and
clenching his FIST in righteous indig-
nation. 4 was only fined $3.50"
Copyright 1916. BY Fred c. Kelly)