The Washington herald., 1915-09-05

| and ] answer at once.
| You asked me TO write you. in strict
commence. what nv standing was in
| this community before I became post
master: ard what il is now.
To he honest with YOU didn't
amount to shucks. in social way be =
| tore l became an official Of the gov
ernment
| For twenty years was old Pap
70 everybody within fifty miles of
Jericho. I wore old hats wore old
hshlng on Sundays. l couldn't tell by
looking at the horses teeth whether
ne, ne was seven or twenty-scven Years
old. Nobody paid any attention to me
when l said il was. going to rain or
snow If I started out TO tell the
crowd what allied this country. and
| hooted down. | didn't steal horses.
| nor get drunk. nor beat Mrs Pinkham m
with sled-stick. but l was what is
| called in the country "coot"
| That is what / was, Mr. Postma ster
General, and 1t gives me great pleas
ure to tell you what l am now. The
postmaster of Jericho. ! felt a thrill
go through me. IL was thrill of
ambition to climb up Mrs. Pinkham
looked me over and diagnosed my case
| as such:
got trusted here at the stores for
4 new suit of clothes. a new hat and
new pair of shoes, and when got
them on 4 feeling Of manliness swell
ed my bosom. Mrs Pinkham ana sew
! eral others remarked thar looked
almost as dlSni;i"d as 4 member OF
the legislature II wasn't Ions before
! the whole town noticed the change.
| Instead Of being old Pap" II soon ne
came "Nr. Finkham' or Mr.. Postmas-
Th" farmers and others brought
| horses around TO the postoffice for me
| TO tell their age. | was probably mis-
looked wise and they took my word
: for II.
Mothers took my word about whoop-
ing-cough and measles before they
farmers COW had the hollow horn he
brought her 70 me for treatment
Before my adya a,1S ncement ,, to the post
ed every game of cards played in
Jericho, I had not been postmaster
three months when they threw Hoyle's
all disputes
1t has been a question in Jericho
for fifty years as to whether hens and
ducks slept at night. and at times
discussion of this question had almost
resulted in a public riot. II was hand
ed to me to he forever settled. l
swer was prompt and vigorous. de-
cided that they did not sleep Continu-
ously. but awoke every five minutes
to see if there was a darky around
ard about to lift them off the roost
Deacon S;ebbins for years and years
had picked his geese of the feathers
along IN November. ana most every
flock had frozen to death during the
ensuing winter. There were others
who followed the neaCon's example
but l formed myself into a society
nd took the matter to court and had
the practice stopped. / got the thanks
of every goose in the county, and most
of the people.
As time went on and my dignity in
creased | was asked to make speeches
on Womans Rights. the tariff. the
I, Is,NVN nd "a tar
of deep concern and desperate Charac-
ter. | have always hr"E'"ht down the
house with my speeches and they have
been favOrably commented upon by the
newspap pers | am now writing a speech
entitled. shall Mexico Annex the
ground that there can be no peace in
Mexico until the annexation is a fact
For years previous TO my postmas-
tership | had not been to church in
spite Of the most earnest efforts of
Mrs. Pinkham 10 get me there. II
was either 90 fishing or play check
tendant AZ divine service. bur have
the very front pew. and | start the
tune when We sing the hymns Every
five minutes during his sermon the
minister looks at me 10 see II | ap-
prove
As I walk up the aisle to my pew.
with Mr.. PInkham leaning, on my arm.
there is more sensation than as If
dog-fGht was taking place at the front
door: and as the Doxology is finished
and We file out. everybody seems to
want to shake hands with us.
Not n public meeting is held here
without my first being consulted.
The town hall has needed repaint-
ing for twenty years. Yesterday COM
mittee waited on me for the seven
teenth time 20 ascertain whether |
approved or disapproved.
In Jericho the COWS and hogs are al
lowed TO run at large. This matter has
stirred up any amount of wrangling
and bitter feeling and after | had
been postmaster h;,,nd Tor ,nTee - or . lGor }or
settlement ! called a public meeting
and made a sensational speech on
liberty | showed that when our fore
fathers fell at Bunker Hill and Lex
ington they fell as much for the cows
and hogs of America as they did for
the men and women. II was liberty
cows and plenty of pig pork TO nurse
and feed the glorious sentiment; Let
the cows wander where they will. Let
the hogs srunt dsw.ips In cGpten'men' as 'heS
wild enthusiasm broke forth, and
the cheering was heard for mile
away. The question was settled Tor
and the reverence for me as an Of
ficial of the United States, went up
another peg.
lage cooper invited Mrs. Pinkham ana
myself to a cold dinner. we went home
from il happy over our social status
Now when we are invited to lawn par
ties given by millionaires. f1ve even
inCs a week. we may step high going
home from them. hut we are not un-
duly elated. We feel that such nom
who is grand marshal of the Fourth
of July parades in Jerichot
Your postmaster of course
Who bosses the fireworks at night
Your postmaster.