davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Denison review. [volume] (Denison, Iowa) 1867-current, 1915-05-05
Iowan Nearly Became President.

Few Iowans perhaps realize how
near William B. Allison came to re.
ceiving the republican nomination for
president of the United States in 1883.
Mr.. George E. Roberts, formerly di-
rector of the mint, makes the follow
ing statement in an article on the ca
reer of the late Jacob Rich of Du-
buque, which has been published by
The State Historical Society. of Iowa:
"Mr. Rich was also an earnest and
indefatigable champion Of Senator Al
lison for the presidency of the United
States. In 1888, when the latters
name was, presented to the republican
national convention at Chicago, Mr.
Rich was asmember of the inner cir
Gle which directed the movement How
near it came to success was never
known by the public until the late
George Frisbie Hoar of Massachusetts
told the story in his autobiography.
(. 1t is sufficient here to say that the
opposition of one man, Chauncey NJ
Depew, diverted the choice of final
conference from William b. Allison
to Benjamin Harrison"
The Denison review. [volume] (Denison, Iowa) 1867-current, 1915-05-05

There is still hot discussion about
the value Of the United States navy.
but it is a mighty convenient thing
TO have a war ship in the harbor when
the girls are going to give aadance,
The Denison review. [volume] (Denison, Iowa) 1867-current, 1915-05-05
TOURIST SAVE ON SHIPMENTS.
Association Arranges for Pool on the
Rates East from CaIifornia-25
to so per Cent Cheaner

" w VCI. SCuI S'ICoPCV
Oakland, Cali.-Thousands of cars
are going to drive into Oakland this
summer from every part,of the United
States, over the Lincoln highway.
The cty's facilities for the handling
of the vehicles will be strained to the
utmost. The greater proportion OF
these tourists, many of whom will
have covered thousands of miles in
reaching the coast, will prefer to re-
turn home by rail, shipping their cars
Now this is a pretty expensive
proposition il handled individually.
The freight rate on automobiles from
Pacific coast points to Boston, Pllila-
delphia, New York and other eastern
cities is $40 per hundred pounds,
which makes a 5000 pound car cost
$4,000 to return. This is if the car
is handled alone. If shipped in car
load lots, however, the rate is Gu;
The Denison review. [volume] (Denison, Iowa) 1867-current, 1915-05-05

Owing to the dilatory hardness Of
their mothers in mending their stock
ings many of the girls have so far been
unable to observe Low Shoe day yet.
The Denison review. [volume] (Denison, Iowa) 1867-current, 1915-05-05

Mr.. and Mrs. l.. l.. Hubbell and
daughter. Mildred, returned yesterday
from Lake View, where they spent
several days at their cottage at the
east end of the lake.
The Denison review. [volume] (Denison, Iowa) 1867-current, 1915-05-05

Inasmuch as the United States gov
eminent is not favoring either side
in the war, there is unanimous
agreement in Europe that it is not OBJ
serving neutrality.
The Watertown weekly leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1912-1917, 1915-08-17
SEEING LIFE W1h
r YzQ1 JOHN HENRY
"a xSzh 81 GeolgeXHobart
SsdX<xEXNfal John Henry on Servant Problem
John Henry on Servant Problem

chair and landed on a cat which had
never done him any harm.
Elsie's Interpretation of that we'd
ding invitation is going to set Herman
Schulz back severa, dollars, or I'm
not foot high.
And maybe they don't have their
troubles at Troolyrooral with the serv-
ant problem.
It's one hard problem that-and no.
body seems to get the right answer.
One morning later on Peaches and
were out on the top porch drinking in
the glorious air and chatting with
Hep Hardy, who had come out to
spend Sunday with us, when Aunt
Martha came bustling out, followed by
Uncle Peter, who, in turn, was fol-
lowed by Lizzie Joyce, their latest
cook.
LIZZIE wore a new lid, trimmed with
prairie grass and field daisies, hang
ing like shade over the left lamp;
she had grouchy looking grip in one
hand and green umbrella with black
freckles in the other
She was made up to catch the first
train that shifted into the station.
Aunt Martha whispered to us plain
lively: Lizzie has been here only
two days, and this makes the seventh
time she has started for town."
But Lizzie took the center of the
stage and scowled at her audience.
I'm takin' the next train for town,
menu" she announced with consider
able bitterness.
Uncle Peter made a brave effort to
scowl back at her, but she flashed
her lanterns at him and he fell back
two PAGES to the rear.
What is it this time, Lizzie?" in
CURED Aunt Martha.
Lizzie put the grouchy grip down,
folded her arms, and said: "Oh, have
me grievances"
Uncle Peter sided up to Aunt
Martha and said in hoarse whisper:
My dear, this shows a lack of firm
ness on your part, Now leave every
thing to me and let me settle this OBJ
streperous servant once and for ALL"
Uncle Peter crossed over and got
in the limelight with Lizzie.
1t occurs to me-" he began in pol
iched accents, that this is an occa-
sion upon which / should publicly
point out to you the error of your
ways, and send you back to your hum
BILE station with better knowledge
Of your status in this household"
Scat" said Lizzie, and Uncle Pc
ter began to fish for his next line.
81 want you to understand" he went
on, that l pay you your wages!"
Sure, if you didn't" was Lizzie's
comeback, I'D land on you good and
hard, that l would. What else are
you here for, you fathead? ?"
The Watertown weekly leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1912-1917, 1915-08-17

UTHEN Peaches and l get tired Of the
w Big Town-tired of its noises and
hullabaloo; tired of being tagged by
taxis as we cross a street; tired OF
watching grocers and butchers hoist
ing higher the highest cost of living
that's our cue to grab choo-choo and
breeze out to Uncle Peter Grants
farm and bungalow in the wilds of
Westchester, which he calls Trooly-
rooral.
Just to even matters up, Uncle Pc
ter and his wife visit us from time to
time in our amateur apartment in the
Big Town.
Uncle Peter is a very stout old gen
tleman. When he squeezes into our
little fat the walls act as if they were
bowlegged.
Uncle Peter always goes through
the folding doors sideways, and every
time he sits down the man in the
apartment below us kicks because we
move the piano SO often.
Aunt Martha is Uncle Peters wife
and she weighs more and breathes
oftener.
When the two of them visit our bird
cage at the same time the janitor has
to go out and stand in front of the
building with a view to catching it
if it falls.
When we reached Troolyrooral we
found that Cousin Elsie" Schulz was
also a visitor there.
Cousin Elsie" is a sort Of privileged
character in the family, having lived
with Aunt Maria for over twenty years
as sort of housekeeper.
They call her Cousin Elsie" just to
make it more difficult.
Three or four years ago Elsie mar
ried Gustave Bierbauer and quit her
Job
Cousin Elsie" believes that con-
versation was invented for her exclu-
sive use, and the way she can grab
a bundle of the English language and
break it up is a caution
Language is the same to Elsie as a
siphon is to a highball-and that's a
whole lot
Two years after their marriage old
Gustave stopped living so abruptly
that the coroner had to sit on him.
The post norton found out that
Gustave had died from a rush of
words to his brainpan.
The coroner also found, upon fur
Their examination, that all of these
words had formerly belonged to Elsie,
with the exception of a few which
we're once the property of Gustave's
favorite bartender.
After Gustave's exit, Aunt Maria
tried to get Elsie back on her job, but
the old Dutch had her eye on Her
man Schulz, and finally married him
So now every once in a while Elsie
The Watertown weekly leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1912-1917, 1915-08-17
What Holds a Man.

Good men are attracted and held not
alone by salaries, but by the conditions
under which they work. The efficiency
of the board of water supply force com
pares favorably with any large public
or private engineering organization.
This board has been noted also for its
esprit de corps and enthusiasm for its
work. These desirable qualities, the
report states, were obtained by select
ing the most suitable available men
for the leading positions, giving great
weight not only to technical fitness,
but also to those personal qualifica-
tions which cannot be learned or rated
by examinations.
The Watertown weekly leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1912-1917, 1915-08-17

moseys over from Plainfeld, ~ j.,
where she lives with Herman, and
proceeds to sew a lot of pillow slips
and things for Aunt Martha.
One morning while Peaches and l
were at breakfast, Elsie meandered in,
bearing in her hand a wedding invita-
ton which Herman had forwarded to
her from Plainfeld
Being, as I say, a privileged eharac-
ter, she does pretty much as she likes
around the bungalooza.
Elsie read the invitation: "Mr. and
Mrs Rudolph Ganderkurds request
der honor of your presence at der
marriage of DER daughter, Verbena,
to Galahad Schalzenberger, at der
n. ]. March Sixteenth. R. S. V. p"
"Vell,'' said Elsie, 81 know der Gan
derkurds und l know DER daughter,
Verbena, und l know ~-lahad Schmal-
zenberger; he's foorwalker in Bauer
haupt's grocery store, but l doan'd
know vot it is dot R. S. V. P. yeti"
l gently kicked Peaches on the in
step under the table, and said to Elsie,
We'll, that is new one on me. Are
you sure it isn't B. & o. or c. R. R.
of n. J.? I've heard of those two rail-
roads in New Jersey, but l never heard
of the R. S. V. P"
For the first time in her life since
she's been able to grab sentence
between her teeth and shake the pro-
nouns out of it Elsie was faxed.
She kept looking at the invitation
and saying to herself, "R. S. Y. P!
Vot is it? l know der honor of your
presence; know der brides parents,
but don't know R. S. " P"
All that day Elsie wandered through
the house muttering to herself: "R. S.
V. P. Vot is it? Is it some secret
between the bride and groom? r. S.
Y. P! 1t ain'd my initials. because
they begin nit E. S. Vot is dot R S.
v. P? Vot is it? Vot is it,"
That evening we were all at dinner
when Elsie rushed in with a cry of
Toy 81 got it," she said 81 hat IN
tied der meaning of dot r. s. V. P.
1t means Real Silver Wedding Pres
ents,"
l was just about to drink a glass of
water, so l changed my mind and
nearly choked to death.
Peaches tried to say something
which resulted in a gurgle in her
throat. while Uncle Peter fell OF MS
The Watertown weekly leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1912-1917, 1915-08-17
RICHES LIE IN OURSELVES
What the Man ts, Not What He Has,
Makes Him Wealthy
or Poor.

In my own life, as l wander farther
and farther along the vagabond trail
in search of truth and beauty, | find it
easier and easier to find contentment
without the riches Of the world Leave
me imagination, and | shall still be
rich; but give me all the wealth OF
the world and take from me imagina-
ton and you will plunge me deep into
a bottomless hell of indescribable mis-
cry.
We cannot own things without be-
ing owned by them. Thoreau under
stood this. His life was so successful
that Emerson wrote of him, "Wher-
ever there is knowledge. wherever
there is beauty, he will find home"
| cannot live Thoreau's life But |
can live my own.
In the transmission of heavenly
waters" says Emerson, every hose
fits it's hydrant. Thomas Dreier In
the Nautilus.
The Watertown weekly leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1912-1917, 1915-08-17
Save the Babies,
A Fellow FEELING.

"All sorts and conditions of men
have excellent explanations for their
position in life" said the senator. "A
tramp, however, came under my OBJ
servation who had no illusions about
the cause of his own condition
tne-looking and fashionably dressed
woman had just alighted from her
limousine at the hotel entrance and
was suddenly approached by this shah
billy dressed man, who requested a
dime No, have no money to spare
for you,' she said. I do not see why
an able-bodied man like you should
go about begging I s'pose, ma am,
replied the lazy tramp, it's fer about
the same reason that healthy woman
like you boards at a hotel instead of
keepin' house. "-Harper's Magazine.
The Watertown weekly leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1912-1917, 1915-08-17

"Fathead! echoed Uncle Peter in
astonisbment.
Peter, leave her to me-" pleaded
Aunt Martha.
Bpt Uncle Peter rushed blindly
on to destruction. Elizabeth" he
said sternly, in view of your most IN
refined and unladylike language, it be-
hooves me to reprimand you severely.
l will therefore"
Then Lizzie and the green umbrella
struck a Casey-at-the-bat pose, and cut
in: "G'wan away from me with your
dime novel talk or I'll place the back
of me unladylile hand on your jowls!"
"Peterl" warningly exclaimed the
perturbed Aunt Martha,
Yes, Martha, you're right the old
gentleman said, turning hastily. 81
must hurry and finish my correspond
ence before the morning mail goes"
And he faded away.
1t isn't an easy matter to get serv-
ants out here" Aunt Martha whis-
pered to us. Il must humor her.
Now, Lizzie, what's wrong?"
You told me, mem, that l should
have room with southern expos
ure," said the Queen of the Bunga-
low
And isn't the room as described?''
asked Aunt Martha.
The room is all right, but | don't
care for the exposure said the Prin-
cess of Porkchops
Well, what's wrong?" insisted our
patient auntie.
Sure, said the Baroness of Bread
Pudding, the room is so exposed.
mem, that every breeze from the North
Pole just nachully hikes in there and
keeps me settin' up in bed all night
shiverin' like l was shakin' dice for
the drinks. When l want that kind
of exercise III hire out as chamber
maid in cold storage. I'm a cook,
mem, it's true, but I'm no relation to
Doctor Cook, and | amt eager to
sleep in a room where even a Polar
bear would be growlin' for a fur
coat"
Very well, Lizie,'' said Aunt Mar
tina, soothingly. I'll have storm win
dows put on at once and extra quilts
sent to the room, and a gas stove if
you wish
All right, men, said the Countess
of Cornbeef, removing the lid. TN
stay. but keep that husband of yours
Nith the woo1y lingo out of the kitch
The Watertown weekly leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1912-1917, 1915-08-17
ostriches cheaner These DAVIS

1t helps one to realize the South AZ
rican slump in ostriches, as shown
by the sale of a full-grown bird for
three pence at Grahamstown, when
one recalls former prices. In the
early days of ostrich farming, chick
newly out of the egg would sometimes
fetch 91O, and $500 has been
paid for good pair of grown birds.
But those were the days when one
plucking of a single bird would bring
in $40, and of late years prices
have not ruled SO high-you could get
quite good pair of osuiches for 912.
Ostrich farming dates from about
1857, and brought many a pioneer a
fortune when it first began.-London
Chronicle.
The Watertown weekly leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1912-1917, 1915-08-17
WAS HER GREATEST TORMENT
Stuny Atmosphere Was Bearable, but
"Hot Air" Caused Her TO
Suffer Much.

The waitress was pretty and con-
scious of the fact.
The diner was frivolous and for
ward.
Pretty tough to be penned up here
On a nice day like this" the diner
observed
Yes, sir" the girl returned.
You are too good-looking to be
doing this work"
The girl raised her brows.
Have you never thought of better
ing your condition."
"Oh, yes"
Its awfully warm in here"
"Uh huh"
Don't you suffer from the stuffy
atmospheric"
Half closing her bright eyes, and
assuming pensive air the girl tartly
replied:
No; only from the hot air."
The Watertown weekly leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1912-1917, 1915-08-17
Too Sour.

Professor Copeland of Harvard, as
the story goes, reproved his students
for coming late to class.
This is a class in English compo-
sition,' he remarked with sarcasm,
mot an afternoon tea"
At the next meeting one girl was
20 minutes late. Professor Copeland
waited until she had taken her seat.
Then he remarked bitingly:
How will you have your tea, Miss
Brown?'
Without the lemon, please" Miss
Brown answered quite gently.-Chris-
tian Register.
The Watertown weekly leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1912-1917, 1915-08-17

en-, because I'm nervous woman
am that" And then the Duchess of
Deviled Kidneys got a strangle hold
on her green umbrella and ducked for
the grub foundry.
Aunt Martha sighed and went in the
house.
Hep" / said; this scene with Her
Highness of Grandmother ought to be
an awful warning to you No man
should get married these days unless
he's sure his wife can juggle the fry
ing, pan and take fall out of an egg
beaten. They've had eight cooks in
eight days, and every time new face
comes in the kitchen the coalscuttle
screams with fright
You can see where they've worn
new trail across the lawn on the re-
treat to the depot.
It's an awful thing, Hep! Our
palates are weak from sampling diff
ferent styles of mashed potatoes.
I'VE had one last week who an
swered roll call when you yelled Phyl-
lis.
Isn't that peach of a handle for
kitchen queen with map like
the Borough of Bronx on a dark night?
she came here well recommended
by herself. She said she knew how
to cook backward.
We believed her after the first
meal, because that's how she cooked.
Phyllis was very inventive girl.
She could cook anything on earth
or in the waters underneath the
earth, and she proved it by trying to
mix tenpenny nails with the baked
beans.
When Phyllis found there was no
shredded oats in the house for break
fast she changed the cover of the
washtub into sawdust and sprinkled it
with the whisk broom, chopped fine.
The Watertown weekly leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1912-1917, 1915-08-17
Russian Soldiers Wear Paper Shirts

Russian Soldiers Wear Paper Shirts.
Shirts made Of paper in Japan are
in regular use in large quantities for
the Russian army. They proved
their worth during the winter cam
paign in Poland and East Prussia. The
paper used is made from mulberry
bark. Paper clothing known as kamike
has long been in use among the jap
anese. Such clothing is not only cheap,
but most serviceable, it's only draw
back being that it cannot be washed.
The paper is very soft and warm, but
has little size" Tor this reason a
thin layer of silk wadding is placed
between two sheets and the whole
quilted when it is to be used for
shirts or other clothes.
The Watertown weekly leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1912-1917, 1915-08-17

TT wasn't half bad breakfast food
Of the homemade kind, but every time
l took drink of water the sawdust
used to float up in my throat and
tickle me.
THE first and only day she was
with us Phyllis squandered two dol
lars worth of eggs to make a lemon
meringue potpie
She tried to be artistic with this,
but one of the eggs was old and ner-
vous and it slipped
Uncle Peter asked Phyllis if she
could cook some Hungarian goulash.
and Phyllis screamed: No; my par
ents have been Swedes all their lives!'
Then she ran him across the lawn
with the carving knife.
Aunt Martha went in the kitchen
to ask what was for dinner, and Phyl-
lis got back at her: I'm a woman, it
is true, but I will show you that l
can keep a secret"
when the meal came on the table
we were compelled to keep the secret
with her.
1t looked like Irish stew, tasted
like clam chowder, and behaved like a
bad boy.
"On the second day it suddenly oc-
Cured to Phyllis that she was work
ing, SO she handed in her resignation,
handed Hank, the gardener, a jolt in
his cafe department, handed out lot
of unnecessary talk, and left us fat
THE next rebate we got in the
kitchen was colored man named
James Buchanan Pendergrast.
James, was all there is and carry
four. He was one of the most care
full cooks that ever made faces at
roast beef.
THE evening he arrived we intend
ed to have shad roe for dinner, and
James Informed us that that was
where he lived.
Eight o'clock came, and no dinner.
Then Aunt Martha went in the kitch-
en- to convince him that we were hui
man beings with appetites.
She found Careful James counting
the roe to see if the fish dealer had
sent the right number.
He was up to 2,196,493, and still
had half a pound to go.
James left that night, followed by
shouts of approval from all present.
I'm telling you all this, Hep, Just
to prove that fate is kind while it
delays your wedding until some genius
invents an automatic cook made of
oil Fri
Hep laughed and shook his head.
This servant problem won't de.
lay my wedding" he chortled; IF
there wasn't a cook left in the world
we wouldn't care; we're going to be
vegetarians because we're going to
live in the Garden Of Eden
"Tush!" l snickered.
"Tush, yourselfl1 said Hep.
"Oh, tush, both of you,'' said
Peaches. John said that very thing
to- me three weeks before we were
married.
Sure I did" L went back, and
we're still in the Garden, aren't we?
OF course if you want to sublet part
of it and have Hep and his bride
roaming moonstruck through your
strawberry beds, that's up to you!"
Well" said friend wife, being
alone in the Garden of Eden is all
right, but after you've been there
three or four years there's a mild ex-
element in hearing strange voice,
even if it is that of serpent
Close the door, Della. feel draft.
The Watertown weekly leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1912-1917, 1915-08-17
SOFT WHITE HANDS
Under Most Conditions If You Uss
Cuticura. Trial Free.

The Soap to cleanse and purify, the
Ointment to soothe and heal Nothing
better or more effective at any price
than these fragrant supercreamy emol-
lients. A one-night treatment viii test
them in the severest forms of red,
rough, chapped and sore hands.
Address postcard, Cuticura, Dept. ky,
Boston. Sold everywhere.-Adv.
The Watertown weekly leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1912-1917, 1915-08-17
"Safety First"

An American soon to sail for Lon
don will wear while asleep a specially
made rubber suit with cork lining.
He takes no chances. There are sew
eral pounds OF lead in the feet of the
suit to keep the wearer's body in an
upright position
The Watertown weekly leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1912-1917, 1915-08-17
Useless INQUIRY

What's the plural of omnibus?"
Il don't know, replied the man
who had been standing on the cor
ner. The word doesn't need any
plural. It's hard enough to see as
many as one of EN-
The Watertown weekly leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1912-1917, 1915-08-17
Appropriate.

Patience-Will always dresses ap-
propriate to the occasion.
Patrice-I suppose, then, when he's
going to draw carpet tacks he puts
on his "claw-hammer."
The Watertown weekly leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1912-1917, 1915-08-17

To die for a woman may be an act
of bravery but the man who leads her
to the marriage altar and agrees to
earn a living for her is a real hero
The Watertown weekly leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1912-1917, 1915-08-17
DAISY FLY KILLER
A est Case.

Il don't know whether my pretty
neighbor takes me seriously or not"
you can easily find out"
How"
Pretend you have found another
pretty neighbor in the same block"
The Watertown weekly leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1912-1917, 1915-08-17
Very Likely,

Patience-Our boarding house lady
told me she has family coat-of-
arms
Patrice-I can imagine figuring in
it is a prune couchant
The Watertown weekly leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1912-1917, 1915-08-17
international PoIiteness.

In some ways the war is causing
a revival of international politeness.
Anyway, Russia apologies to Swe-
den for dropping a shell into Swed-
ish waters.-Chicago News
The Watertown weekly leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1912-1917, 1915-08-17

Do the best you can. You will prob
ably not break any valuable records
anyway.
The Watertown weekly leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1912-1917, 1915-08-17
Why, Certainly.

Patience-So she's learning to
dance, is she?
Patrice-Yes.
"Where?'
why, on her feet, of course
The Watertown weekly leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1912-1917, 1915-08-17

A man seldom saves any money
after marriage unless he has a wife
who will save it for him.