South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1915-03-05
Statesmen Real
and Near.
BY Fred c. Kelly


gresham Patrick III. Kelley, who has
a speaking acquaintance with more
men, women and children than any
other person in the state of MiChi-
gan, is a highly successful campaign
orator. And his success in that di-
rectiOn is due chiefly TO his knack at
making large figures entertaining.
Kelley has a passion for figures.
When ne makes a speech he devOtes
at least half of il to hurting figures
and statistics. and mathematics
against the rival party. Now, when
the average man begins TO quote
figures the average member of his
orderly manner and withdraw from
the hall. But Kelley's system of Of
eTil X his statistics fascinates his
listeners, one and all.
Here is the way he does it: The
moment he strikes a town wher he
is TO speak he begins to inquire about
the cost of the biggest buildings
there-the opera mousse, the best hotel
and so on.
Then when he starts 10 talk he'll
bring in something like this:
My friends, the party OF my Op-
ponent squandered last year on need
less waterway improvements alone
S20,000,000. Think of that! A thous-
and times as much as it cost TO build
street. Twenty million dollars! If all
the sirloin steaks that you could buy
with $20.000,0O0 were spread out fiat
on the ground they would cover this
entire township and leave enough
steaks over 10 feed all the adults be-
tween the ages of 26 and 80 in the
state of Nevada besides furnishing
hash for all the restaurants in a town
the size OF Peoria, Ill"
q a
automobiles are made in Michigan
and how. if they were placed in
solid row, they would reach around
the world except for a small strip
out in the middle of the Pacific
Ocean-which gap could easily be
filled in with some other equally use
full article made in Michigan.
Thus he goes on and every time he
speaks of the wantOn extravaganza
of his opponents he visualiZes the fig
ures
Is it any wonder that the people go
out of the hall at the close of Kelley's
speech sadly shaking their heads and
with no other idea than to vote for
Kelley?
Sen. Burleigh of Maine applied to
recruiting office one morning back in
Civil war days and expressed a desire
TO be a soldier. The examining ply
stefan rejected him on the ground that
he had a trick heart.
ct wish you'd let me ill.," coaxed
Burleigh. My heart may act funny,
but I'll bet you L live a great many
years yet"
Nearly half a century later. Bur
leigh, true to his word, was still liv-
ing. and as a member of congress got
a pension of $50 a month for that
same doctor.
Sec'y Bryan was called on by two
of his associates at the state depart
ment to settle a dispute about the
place where a certain great man is
| buried.
ION, gentlemen" admonished
/ Bryan, why waste time disputing
over a thing so incOnsequential as
where a man is buried. Now, I've
! been buried several times, but what
of that?"
Sometimes Sens. Hollis of New
| Hampshire and Dillingham; of Yer
mont will sit and fuss good-naturedly
| for half an hour at a time over the
question whether Vermont or New
\ Hampshire is entitled TO be known as
| the Granite state. For an entry in
/ the nothing to-fUss-abOut cOmpeti-
! ton, this proposition commends itself
about as we'll as anything we can
/ think of unless it would be the ques-
| ton of who is the worlds greatest
! trombone player.
| Copyright, 1915, by Fred c. Kelly.)