The Elbert County tribune., 1915-08-13

comes in the kitchen the coal3cuttle
screams with fright.
I'VE had one last week who an.
swered roll call when you yelled Phyl.
lis.
Isn't that peach of a handle for
a kitchen queen with a map like
the Borough of Bronx on a dark night?
"She came here well recommended
by herself She said she knew how
to cook backward.
I'VE believed her after the first
meal. because that's how she cooked
When Phyllis found there was no
shredded oats in the house for break.
fast she changed the cover of the
washtub into sawdust and sprinkled it
with the whisk broom, chopped fine.
1T wasn't half bad breakfast food
of the homemade kind. but every time
l took drink of water the sawdust
used to float up in my throat and
tickle me.
The first and only day she was
with us Phyllis squandercd two dol.
lars worth of eggs to make lemon
meringue potpie
She tried to be artistic with this,
but one of the eggs was old and ner-
vous and it slipped
Uncle Peter asked Phyllis if she
could cook some Hungarian goulash.
and Phyllis screamed: No: my par
ents have been Swedes all their livesn
Then she ran him across the lawn
with the carving knife.
Aunt Martha went In the kitchen
to ask what was for dinner. and Phyl-
lis got back at her: I'm woman, it
is true, but | will show you that ]
can keep secret."
When the meal came on the table
we were compelled to keep the secret
with her.
'On the second day it suddenly oc.
CURED to Phyllis that she was work
| ing,- so she handed in her resignation,
handed Hank, the gardener, a jolt in
his cafe department, handed out lot
of unnecessary talk, and left us fiat
THE next rebate we got in the
kitchen was a colored man named
James Buchanan Pendergrast.
James was all there is and carry
four. He was one of the most care
roast beef.
THE evening he arrived we intend.
ed to have shad roe for dinner, and
James informed us that that was
whore he lived.
Eight o'clock came, and no dinner.
Then Aunt Martha went in the kitch-
en- to convince him that we were hu-
man beings with appetitcs.
She found Careful James counting
the roe to see If the fish dealer had
sent the right number.
He was up to 2,196,493. and still
had half a pound to go.
James left that night followed by
shouts of approval from all present.
I'm telling you all this. Hep. Just
to prove that fate is kind while it
delays your wedding until some genius
invents an automatic cook made of
aluminium and electricity"
Hep laughed and shook his head
This servant problem won't de-
lay my wedding" he chortled: IF
there wasn't cook left in the world
we wouldn't care; we're going to be
vegetarians because we're going to
live in the Garden Of Eden
"Tush!" | snickered.
"Tush, yourselfl" said Hep.
oh. tush. both of you" said
Peaches. John said that very thing
to me three weeks before we were
married.
Sure l did, 1 went back, and
were still in the Garden, aren't we?
OF course If you want to sublet part
of it and have Hep and his bride
roaming moonstruck through your
strawberry beds, that's up to you!"
Well" said friend wife. being
alone in the Garden OF Eden is all
right, tut after you've been there
three or four years there's mild ex-
citenent in hearing a strange voice.
even il 1t Is that of serpent"