The Hays free press. [volume] (Hays, Kan.) 1908-1924, 1915-10-16

PluCked by the Golden Belt spectator
The Spectator has no advice to offer
Mrs. Norman Gait.
oooo
: Newspaper reporters are said to have
no imagination. They have but few
poetical ideas. Yet they are supposed
to have written the accounts of Cupid's
visit to the White House.
After all, how much of your business
is it, if the President does get married?
5000
It was Southey who said that there
are three things which wise man will
not trust, the wind, the sunshine OF an
April day, and woman.
oooo
Ellis county can proudly boast of the
highest birth rate in the state. How
ever, Hays City is not speaking above
a whisper the death rate of its non-pro-
gressive, pull-back, tight-wad citizens.
5000
The time honored institution of the
NormaPs known as the Spoonholder is
passing. It is going the way of all the
past. A large modern home has been
built within one hundred feet of it and
three members of the faculty room
there. The moon can no longer solace
young love.
One of the leading citizens of Hays
DO ard of administration should intro
duce in the schools of Kansas course
in domestic silence.
Oooo
President Wilson took the newspa-
per photographers by surprise and the
quality of the items printed so far has
been very mediocre.
5000
It was Hazlitt who said that wit was
an effusion of spleen and petty spite
at the comforts of others from feeling
none in itself.
A man who is broad in many things
often makes the mistake that he is
broad in everything.
oooo
Scandal is brewed every time we see
people hug each other in public, but
the man who hugs himself in public
generally gets all the favors he asks of
the dear people.
ooOo
Mr.. J. H. Ward tells of a former
farm hand of his who would not agree
to work for him until he sampled the
board furnished. After a generous
meal, Mr.. Ward asked him what he
was going to do about it. "I'm going to
work for you" returned the farm hand.
i've been working for several weeks in
Ellis county and have eaten about six
miles of noodles"
The lunatic, the poet, and the lover
are not very far apart and they are all
crazy about the same thing, an illusion.
oooo
Kansas City is making little fuss
about the large number of saloons that
surround the new union depot. Kan
sans are not up on such things but
what else would large number of
saloons surround?
oooo
King George has told his prime min
lister that he would abdicate his throne
rather than conclude an inconclusive
peace. He also went so far as to say
that he was tired of being a dummy.
Calm, yourself, cousin, almost any
married man in the United States could
give you the right kind of advice. And
it would not be to call in a minister,
even if it were the prime one. The
married man concludes just one inclu-
sive peace after another.
oooo
Greeley county has the largest per
capita wealth in Kansas, 1882. It's
worth that much to live out there.
Kansas has the largest number of
automobiles per capita in the United
States, one car for every twenty-five
families. Pawnee county has one for
every ten families.
5000
One of the Hays drug stores has a
window display which pictures a gal
liant blowing heartshaped rings of
smoke toward his fair companion. IF it
is meant to point moral and adorn a
tale, the Spectator would suggest that
such chain is about as strong as such
an attachment
5000
James sWhitcomb Riley, the Hoosier
poet and Indsana's most beloved citi-
zen, who celebrared his sixty-sixth
birthday on October Z, did not win his
popularity by inventing new kind OF
automobile or submarine.
Mr.. McAdoo, in his capacity as milk
man, reportes to Uncle Sam that the
Underwood tariff is not yielding
enough to meet the ituation.-Wash-
ington Star.