davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1915-08-01
FAMILIAR

reality | was just as much worried
I've the loss of the ichthyosaurus.
More, indeed; ia like to have seen it
but if the books Tacitus LOST were
like those he didn't | wouldn't.
! ht lieve all scholars lie like this.
An ancient friend OF mine, a clergy
man, tells me that In IIesiod he finds
a peculiar grace that he doesn't find
elsewhere. H,'s a liar. That's all.
| know therr are solid arguments
advanced I'm favor Of the classics. |
often hear them from my colleagues.
My friend the profess r of Greek tells
me that he truly believes the classics
nave maze him what he is. This is a
very grave statement. if well founded.
Indeed | have heard the samr argu-
ment from a great many Latin and
Greek scholars.
They all claim, with some heat, that
Latin ana Greek have practically made
tn m what they are. This damaging
charge against the classics should not
be too readily accepted. In my opin-
ion some Of these men would have
been what they are no matter what
they We're.
BE this as it may, I for my part bit
terlv regret the lies | have told about
my appreciation f Latin and Greek
literature. | am anxious to do what |
can To set things right. ] am there
fore Engaged on. indeed have nearly
completed. q work which will enable
all readers to Judge the matter for
themselves. What | have done Is a
translation of all the great classics
rot in the usual literal way, but on q
Cesien that brings them into harmony
with modern life. I will explain what
mean in a minute.
The translation Is intended to be
within reach of everybody. It is Sc
designed that the entire set Of volumes
can e. on a shelf twenty-seven fee,
long, or even longer. The first edition
will Ice an edition de luxe bound In
vellum, or perhaps in buckskin. ant
sold at $500. It will be limited 10 500
copies, and of course sold only tn the
feeble minded. TIL next edition viii
be the Literary Edition, sold to artists
authors, actors n contractors. After
that Will come the Boarding House
Edition, bound in board and pail fol
In thu same way.
My plan Is to SO arspose the
classical writer's as to give not the
literal translation word for word bur
what is really the modern equivalent
Let m" give an odd sample or tw,
{" show what | mean. Take rms
passage in the First Book of Homer
that describes Ajax the Greek dashinl
into In" battle in front of Troy. Her,
j. the way 1t runs, "a nearly as | re.
member, in the usual word for wor,
tram. atscn of the classroom, as don,
by the very best professor. his spec
tacles glitttrlng with the literary rap
ture of il:
"Thon he too Ajax on the one han,
lcapcd Tor possibly jumped into IA,
night wearing on the other hand, We.
certainly "A steel corselet Cor possibl,
"A bronze under tunic) and on hi,
head Of course. yes without doubt h,
had a helmet with "A tossing plum,
taken from the name Cor perhaps -x
tracted from the tail) of some hors
which once fed along the banks OF
the Scamander (and 1t sees the herS
The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1915-08-01


ana raises rs head n paws me
worth a hundred oxen and ON ~.
,.a .p. T. .
e'''''7 "'""' ny H''". '""''"s anu
Ger 'or perhaps hia'hSihlth' ana n
blows the fire n ii is hot. Thus
Ajax leapt cor, better. was propelled
| from behind) into the hph,
/
NO" mats Er'nu STUN lhere IL
no doubt of II. There's a wonderful
movement and force to Il. You can
almost sec il move. il goes SO fast.
I'm, tho uod.rn r.ad.r cant, 90, II,
II, unn,, n,aan ht,, ,,ha, naor,
. ~. 80,
=" az "''VN ,'tt."t' 'ne
COSTUME Tue S'fh' mas an sot 10 u
a real eauivalont 70 Judge lust how
good the Greek verse Is.
In my translation a,tar u ms,
n little not much hut inst enough
to give the massage n form that re-
produces tre nroner literary ysIue ~
tho versos vjthout losing ANYTHING os
tho MAJ es,v 7, describes may say
tho Directors of tho Amer,c,p Indus
,r5,, c,ocks IA int Tho pa,La,
w. cloud.
Then there came rushing 20 the shock of
war
AR Nc>'colI OF 'he I. T. ~
uu WI S"Hpe''tis 'nn aoou' ms 'hroa'
ia h.d -, gaitars ard he 90 = a.,
n. had his trousers hu,toned good and
high
About his waist a woollen undervest
Bought from a sad eyed farmer Of the
West
w" 49, INV ne ,IIs sneep ne ses
freezeI ~ " ="
Thus I'm the Stock EXCHANGE h. b,rs,
to view,
Teaped 10 the post and shouted:
"Ninety-two"
% '""tS 'i'ine'' 'he real
'"'hs. Just as IL So"'deu 10 the rude
crowd OF creek peasants who sat in a
ring ahu e'''awed AT the rhymes and
watched the minstrel stamp 1t out into
The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1915-08-01
The Retroactive Existence of
Mr. Juggins.

first met Enthusiastically to notice
~him-years and years ago as a boy out
camping. Somebody was trying to
nail up a board on a tree for a shelf
and Jugsins interfered to help him.
stop a minute" he said, you need
TO saw the end Of that board of before
YOU put it up" Then Juggins looked
round for a saw and when he got it he
mad hardly made more than a stroke
or two with it before he stopped
This saw" he said, needs to be filed
up a Bit
So he ven and hunted up a file to
sharpen the saw, but found hat before
he could use the file he needed 10 put
a proper handle on II and to make a
handle he went to look for a sapling in
the bush, but to cut the sapling he
found that he needed to sharpen up
the axe.
To do this OF course he had to fix
the grindstone so as to make II
run properly, This involved making
wooden legs for the grindstone. To dc
this decently %Juggins decided to make
a carpenters bench. This was quite
iHlpoSSlDlt without "A better set Of
tools. Juggins went to the village to
get the tools required and of course
he never came back.
He was rediscovered-weeks later
in the city getting prices on wholesale
tool machinery,
After that first episode | got &c
know Jugsins very well, For some
time we We're students at college to
gether, But .Juggins somehow never
got far with his studies. He always
began with great enthusiasm and ther
something happened.
For n time he studied French witt
Tremendous eagerness. But he sooi
found that for a real knowledge %
French you need first to get "A thor
ough grasp Of Ola French and Pro
vencal. But II proved impossible t,
do anything with these without an alb
solutely complete command Of Latin
This Jusgins discovered could only b
obtained, in any thorough way
through Sanscrit. which of course lie
at the base of II. So JuGgins devote,
himself to Sanscrit until he realize
that for a proper understanding q
Sanscrit n needs to study tn
The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1915-08-01
By Stephen Leacock

ancient lranian, the root language
underneath. This language. however,
is lost.
So Juggins had Ia begin over again.
He did, it j. true. make some progress
in natural science. He STUDIED physics
and rushed rapidly backward from
+ rccs Ia molecules and from molecules
To- atoms and from atoms to electrons,
and then his whole studies exploded
backward into the inhnitios ut space,
Still searching "A first cause,
luggins, Of course never took a de-
gree, So he made no practical use of
his education. But II didn't matter
He was very we'll off and was able tn
20 straight into business with "A capt.
tai of about a hundred thousand dol
lars.
He put it at first into a gas plant
hut found that he lost money at that
because Of the high price Of the coal
needed to make gas. So he sold out
Tor $40, 900 and went into coal mining.
This was unsuccessful because of the
awful cost Of mining machinery. 50
Jugains sold his share in the mine for
$4,000 and went in for MANUFACTURING
mining machinery.
At this he would have undoubtedly
made money but for the enormous cost
of gas needed as motive power for the
plant. ~Juggins sold on, Of the manu-
factlure for $4,000 and after that he
went whirling in a circle, like skating
backward, through the different
branches Of allied industry.
He lost a certain amount of money
each year, especially in good years
when trade was brisk. In dull times
when everything was unstable, hs
did fairly well.
JugSins's domestic life was very
quiet.
or course, he never married. He did
it is true, fail in love several times
but each time il ended without result. |
remember well his first love story, for
| was very intimate with him at the
time.
lie had fallen In love with the Girl ir
question utterly ana Immediately. II
was literally love at first sight. There
VAS 10 doubt of his intentions. As
soon as he had met her he was quite
frank about it. II intend" he said
80 ask her To he my wife"
"When"' | asked Right away
"No,' ne said, II want first Ia fiji
myself To hc worthy Of her"
So he went into moral training to II
himself. lir 'aught IN a sunday schuo
for sin weeks, TIL H." realized that ,
man has NO business in divine wurl
of that sort without first preparins
himself by serious study Of IN" his.
tory of Palestine. And he felt tina ,
man wa II cad 10 fore hLs -Tr,ati
on a girl while hr is stI,i uniy ndi
acquainted with the history of TN
lSraelitcs, So ,Iuggius STAYED away,
1t was nearly two years before h,
was III 10 propose, liy the tirnc h Wa,
III The gin had already married Z
brainless thing in patent leather boot,
wno didn't even know who Moses WAS
or course Juggins fell in love again
People always un. And at any rate h,
this time he was in a state ut mora
fitness that made II imperative,
So he fell in ~love-deep,y IN low
this time-with a charming girl, com
monty known as the eldest Miss Thor
The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1915-08-01

TIME following discussion is OF
course only of interest 40
scholars. But. as the pubic
schools returns show that in the United
States there are now over a million
colored scholar alone the appea. is
wide enough.
] do not mind confessirg that roc
a long time past | have been very
sceptical about the classics. was
myself trained as n classical scholar.
1t seemed the only thing to do with
me. l acquired such a singular facility
m handling Latin and Greek that |
could take a page of either of them,
distinguish which II was by merely
glancing at ii, and with the help of
a dictionary and a pair OF compasses
whip of a translation of ii in less than
three hours.
But | never got any pleasure from II.
] lied about it. At first, perhaps, I
lied through vanity. Any colornd
scholar will understand the feeling.
Later on l lied through habit: later
still because, after all. the classics
were all that | had, ana so | valued
them. I have seen thus 4 deceived
dog value n pup with n broken leg
and a pauper child nurse a dea 4
doll with the sawdust ONT of II So 7
nursed my dead Homer ana my broken
~ '"'"H" NV" VI my
heart that there was more sawdust
in the stomach Of one modern author
than In the whole lot of them. OBJ
serve. I am not saving which !, :,
that has IL full OF II
a. I
e. ...,. ~ 'C """'
knew no Greek that there wos srh
Unity a ma Tasty ahou, uorno, uhia,
thew could ne,er bora 10 arn. %
-, No, III. '"'P' ''t'
,......... ~ .'i''
,N'9 :" .he
.~.". suH' y" Nor'S I" 'ha'
The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1915-08-01

neycroft, She was only called eldest
because she had fivc younger sisters,
n she was very poor and HWt lily
clever and trimmed a., her own hats.
Any man, If he's worth ia nam, rs $
IN love with mat sort OF ;A.u- 10 "'>t
SIEht.
So, Of course, Jug-.us VN.i ..'e
proposed to her, only when . U'.t
To the house he met her n,N' -~.r,
and of course she Ms Nnrtu-,
and, ] SUPPOSE. poorer. and n.u.. .'
only her own hats but her uwu "...
So JueG.ns fell IN ,py with r.. '.'
II night when h' Went q" '.. .."
"o"f was opened 10y tn N',''' .' sol.
L, ..',,"S
ovon r"da Lor non ,,n..m.. .....
""'' ""
sis,.r - .t.,nr IN he WON, .rr. ...
wpo,. f,mn, and ", 49,. .ul ,.,
nono ~ ,hrm
....
''n",S" Wa J"I' a.
mad thinps yor, dtf,i,u,, ...
course hc On, r,oror ,v ,.
ynu $50, af,,r he solid ain. r.. .
share in his las, husiro.. r. ...-a,
win II a di~minishirr NJ. .~r,..r,. 80
manned ,bnt mo- alv,vs po, r.,r.. .
nov, ve,r th,, ms ,'.,r and
tho year af,or Tim. + h.. .,,a. .
onoiph no wound s,,ryo Il, d,,,f
Naa..n. No. ,.
~ - "
,.,
s,''t, :
w.. ~. | n
The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1915-08-01

observe her mighty wheels, her easy
roll.
With William j. Mccarthy in control.
They say her engineer some time 20
Lived on a farm outside OF Buffalo.
Whereas his fireman, Henry Edward
Foy.
Attended school in Springfield. Illinois.
Thus does .hc race Of man decay or
ROT
Some men can hold their jobs and some
can not.
Please observe that if Homer had
actually written that last line it would
have been quoted for a thousand years
as one Of the deepest ssyi rs eve
said. orators would have rounded
out their speeches with the majestic
phrase, quoted in sunorous and I'M
ineligible Greek verse, 'some men
The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1915-08-01

can hold their Jobs md some can not:
e~ssayists would have begun their most
scholarly dissertations with tn. WORDS,
1T has been finely said by Homer
that lin Creek some men can hold
their jobs -: and the clergy in mid
pathos of a funeral sermon would Lave
raised their eyes aloft and echoed
some men a not''
This is what | should like to 10.
I'd like To take a large stone and
write on IL in very plain writing:
The classics are only primitive lit
srature. They belong in the same
class as primitive machinery ami
primitive music a"d primitive medi-
cine" and then throw II through
the windows of a university and Md
behind a fence to see the professors
buzz
The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1915-08-01

trail Railway, the official catalogue Of
their locomotives taken almost WORT
for word from the list compiled by
their superintendent Of works, | adj
nit that he wrote in hot weather.
Part of ii runs:
out in the yard and s;eaming in the
stands locomotive engine number forty
one
Seated beside the windows Of the cab
Are Pa McGraw and Peter James Nc
Nab.
Pat comes from Troy M Peter from
COhoes.
And when they pull the throttle off she
goes;
And as she vanishes there comes TO view
Steam locomotive engine number forty
two,
The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1915-08-01
Homer and Humbug, an AGA
demic Discussion.

TIME following discussion is Of
course only of interest 80
scholars. But. as the pnnlic
The day book. [volume] (Chicago, Ill.) 1911-1917, 1915-04-23
Sunrise, 4:57; sunset, GAO.

August ElllSluIy ISlIIhiS P'SS'
village of Oak Park presented with
gold watch on Inauguration OF sue
cessor. Held job 10 years.
Body of man believed to be Joseph
HOPPER, who was drowned when auto
truck ran into river Feb. ~, taken
from canal at Summit.
Theodore Chidster, 1902 Wells,
broke spine and right leg when he fell
8 stories in air shaft.
George FoeII exonerated by cor
oner's jury in death of James Crow
ell, struck by his auto on March II.
Edward Westby got drunk with SO
cents Judge gave him when he played
violin in court to prove it was his.
May given another court recital to-
day.
Verdict of accidental drowning re-
turned over body of Harry Graylick,
whose body was found in river at
State st.
20 men arrested by DespIaines st.
police in cleanup of Madison st. :
Elmer Sorenson, 1912 N. HARLOW aV.,
set fire to peddler's balloons while
lighting cigar. Refused to pay dam
ages. Fined 81 by Judge.
DR.. Adam SzWajkart, former men,
Der state board of health, took up
duties as head of county psychopath-
ic hospital
Between 400 and 500 "bubbIy"
fountains to be built over city. In
crease of 80 per cent.
Pearl SiIVerman suing DR.. A. Fab
nestock for $4,000. Pulled wrong
tooth, she says.
Samuel Shields of Denver, indicted
with Farson' Bros. for Colorado iITi-
CATION failure, to give self up April 80.
Death of Anna Teichner, 1919 w.
Ohio, released Isadore Goldman, 1445
Campbell av., from bigamy charge.
Mrs. Susan Paradec, 80, seeking in
junction to prevent son George from
fofn
The day book. [volume] (Chicago, Ill.) 1911-1917, 1915-04-23
NEWS OF THE DAY CONCERNING CHICAGO

Death by nitrous-oxide gas" Ver-
dict by coroner's jury in death of Al
Russell, 3541 Michigan av., who died
during operation.
John w. Shera lost legal suit for
$675 salary from school board when
Judge McGoorty called discharge JUS
titled.
Hearing on charges of 15-year-oId
mother against Solomon Foreman,
II, 621 w. 18th st., continued until
April 80.
Clarence L. Pile obtained custody
of 3-year-old son, Francis, from
grandmother, Mrs. Mary Garafond,
by writ of habeas corpus.
Z Mrs. Emma Simonetti, oo10 The
Strand, South Chicago, fined $1OO for
selling liquor without license.
Max Newman, II, who ran away
from Philadelphia to become horse
back rider, arrested while trying to
enlist.
Meyer Levi complained to County
Clerk Sweitzer that Central Terminal
Railroad Co. built warehouse over lot
owned by him.
Two Iieutenants, fifteen sergeants
and five patrolmen transferred by
order of Chief Gleason.
New indictments against Capt
Halpin, former chief of detectives,
and two others will be returned to-
day, rumor
Body of Joseph Hoeffer, 1927
Throop ST., caught in net of Summit,
ILL.,, undertaken. Drowned when
auto plunged into river.
L. M. Faulkner, crested as ICON"
man. Organizing company to sell
non-refillable bottles.
Helen Merrick, 10, 4645 St. Law
renee av., and Russell Potts, 20, 6529
Kimbark av., eloped. Caught after
auto chase in Hammond.
Story of Mary MaIIoy, 10, to Stock,
yards police, that she made up alibi,
The Prescott daily news., 1915-09-01
EDUCATION NEWS

The recent floods have damaged bot ] tom corn and have caused cotton to throw off some of it's form. If this weather continues and the mercury keeps falling it will not be long until such fellows as Perry and Doc Cook can get cooled off at Boughton without trying to find the North Pole.
 We had red hot ball game lost Saturday between Boughton and Wards Chapel ct al, the Chapel lead off in the 1st inning with four bingles and the locals never caught up the score was eight to five. Next Sat urday Boughton will play Deanyville at Boughton, We expect a good game then on Wednesday afternoon Sept. & which is the last day of Prof. Erwin's Round Note Musical Normal We will lock horns with the Prescott nine, game to be called at 3 sharp. All who enjoy music as well as baseball should remain out for the Concert that night We believe that We are having one of the best music schools ever taught in Arkansas and we know it is far ahead of anything that We have ever had at Boughton, the old style tuning fork, shape-note business seems like farce since having the more progress sive method.
 Now you Prescott boys had better bring some rooters along for the game if you want to win.
The Prescott daily news., 1915-09-01
FORT SMITH EXHIBITS
 REACH EXPO SAFELY

Little Rock, Sept. 1-Col. F. B. T. Hollenberg, commissioner general of the Arkansas Panama-Pacific Inter national Exposition Commission, has received a telegram telling of the safe arrival in San Francisco of the famous Fort Smith fruit exhibit. Out of ev- cry one hundred jars of fancy fruit, all packed put up by Sebastian county women, only two jars were injured in transit The telegram says that exhibit is now the chief attraction in the Horticultural building.
The Prescott daily news., 1915-09-01
DO IT ALONE.

The Rotary club of Manchester, England, recently gave a dinner at midday to Harry Lauder, the come dian. A Scottish menu was served in his honor, the haggis figuring promi- nently. The Cock O the North" was duly played by piper and on the table were beer, wine and spirits.
 Said Harry to his hosts:
 We, as Rotarians, meet as busi- ness proposition in the middle of the day, when drink is not necessary. You may take one, two or three and go back to business 'muzzy.' You cant do your business if you are in a state of 'muzziness.' When you have finished you can drink as much as you like but do it alone If you are going to hell, go by yourself; don't drag anyone with you. I have gone into clubs-not often, thank God-and seen a fellow come in when every other place was closed. He was re- garded as jolly good fellow, and everybody clapped him on the back and laughed. Did his people at home laugh?'
The Prescott daily news., 1915-09-01
GAS ASSURED CONSUM-
 FRS BY NEXT MONDAY

Little Rock, Sept. 1.-The gas com pany assured the city council at a special meeting of the Public Util- ities Committee Tuesday evening that supply of natural gas would be pro- vided by Monday. For the fourth time this year the gas has been cut by the breaking or the pipe line near Gar land City on Red River. The company claims that it has already suffered a loss of $2O0,0OO by reason of the sus- pension of service, and that it is doing all in it's power to repair the break. When this is done, and it is possible to get through the low wet grounds, an auxiliary line is to be built West of the river, four and half miles long, crossing the river at another point, where it will not be subject to the dan ger of levess being broken by the washing of an insecure levee.
 There are 5000 gas consumers in the city now, as compared with a. bout 4,20O during the days of artifi-' cial gas. In winter the consumation is about 17,000,000 feet daily. The old gas consumer contained only 100000 feet, and the company explains that if it were full "it would last about a minute" under present demands. The city council will take steps to see that the franchise is compiled with.
The Prescott daily news., 1915-09-01
OBITUARY

On Wednesday Morning July 21, 1915, the community in which he lived was made sad when the news went out that Authur Almond was dead.
 Just as. the sun was sending its bright rays OCT the beautiful earth his pure spirit took its flight to realms above there to await the Resurrection Morn.
 He leaves a father and mother three brothers and three sisters and host of relatives and friends to mourn his death.
 Authur was fourteen years sever months and twenty-one days old he was in i'll health some time before talk. ing to his bed on which he lay one week and two days dying with blood poisoning, every wish and need was patienly and faithfully ministered by his loved ones and friends. His re mains was laid in Union Graveyard.
 A precious one from them has gone a voice they loved is stilled. A place is vacant in their home which can nee be filled.
 Written by a Friend
The Prescott daily news., 1915-09-01
TROUBLE WITH BOOT.
 LEGGERS STATE LINE

Little Rock, Sept. 1.-There has been ourlng the past two weeks, consi- derable correspondence between Gov. Hays, Acting Governor Wm. T. Pain ter, and the officers of Fulton county, Ark, over reports of bootlegging O. peratlons at Mammpth Springs. It was started by telegram from Gov. Painter to the effect that the officers of Oregon county, Mo. would break up the illicit sale of liquor if they had the assistance of the Fulton count ' officers. The telegram was sent by the sheriff and Prosecuting Attorney. with suggestion that every thing pos slble be done to see that the law is obeyed
 Pros. Atty. H. A. Nortkcutt replied that during the three years that he had been in office no blind tigers had operated on the Arkansas side of the line, and that he would give any official of Oregon county $25 for evi- dence of any. Futher, he declared thaaa they are operating openly on the Miss ouri side, land have been all along."
 Sheriff Thad H. Rowden, of Fulton county, declared that car loads of bee have been received at Mammoth Cross ing, consigned to certain man, whom he names, just across the line in Miss ouri, less than mile away; that he had seen it unloaded and hauled ac ross the line, and therefore had no authority to seize it, since no sales were attempted in Arkansas.
 A citizens committee. at Mammoth Spring, writing the Governor, gives a list of 11S barrels and casks of whis- key and beer received during July and August, consigned to three persons named, running saloons oyer the line in Missouri. They add: "We have no U. s. license in Fulton county, and no joints, and will be especially pleased at any and all times to assist the Missouri officials in stamping out the Oregon county joints which are prac tically open saloons, and the sheriff the Prosecuting Attorney of Oregon county know it.
 Gov. Hays wrote Mr. Northcutt as follows: If the Missouri authorities are sincere in their call for help, the information contained in your letter ought to be sufficient to convince them that all they need to do is to enforce the law on the Missouri side of the line.
 And there the matter rests.