The Detroit times. [volume] (Detroit, Mich.) 1903-1920, 1915-08-02
The Inventions Of Dr.. BlumpI
~ On. FRANK CRANE
(Copyrlght 1elk ~ Prank Crane,

The trouble. said DR.. Bump. with
those persona who essay to effect the r..
FORM Of drunkards Is that they do not
understand the causes of the drink hal-
It, and hence 60 at the cure Of It in the
wrong way.
They usually appeal to the victims in
telhgence with arguments, or to his emo
tons with sentimental lures. They say
that drinking is bad for the health, that
1t hardens the arteries, wrecks the kid
neys, reduces the disease resisting forces
of the body, and the like.
Now all this addresses itself only to
the drinkers mind. And the mind makes
no man drink.
No one says, go to. now. I will In
sert two or three fluid ounces of spiritus
frumenti into my works in order that
l may become hilarious" He does not
reason thus He does not reason at all.
And not being q rational process, drink
ing cannot be stopped by ratiocination.
Neither does the drunkard say. upon
taking to his cups, II will now prepare
myself to squander my money. make Of
myself maudlin spectacle, beat my
wife. disgust my children, and slap my
mother" Hence to approach him on the
side of his self-respect is Of no use.
Why does he drink? For two reasons.
One. to crafty a desire. He gets into
state of depression. restlessness, UNI
happiness. Out Of this he knows q few
highballs will lift him.
Two, to satisfy the push Of fermented
and unwholesome imaginations. Visions
of conviviality, pictures of drink-light-
ened scenes, create in his fancy q strong
drive. He goes to the decanter to real.
ize his fevered dream.
/ therefore am the only living man
who can cure the drink habit scientih-
cally because of my two inventions.
This, he continued, pointing to COM
plicated apparatus Of wires, rehectors,
crucibles and tanks, is my desire sx-
tractor.
place my patient in this chair, hyp-
notize him, remove the soul from the
body temporarily by process ] learned
from the Yogis, treat il with certain
chemicals, subtle fumes that exercise
peculiar reactions upon the spirit, and
when put the soul back In him 1t is alb
solutely clean of all alcoholic craving.
He does not want alcohol He feels
toward it pointed disgust. Instead Of
mis- old longing he has now vivid crav-
ing for fruit, especially apples. From
a whiskey drunkard have changed him
to an apple drunkard.
This. however, is not enough. His
old want would return II his thoughts
continued to run toward scenes OF ca
rousing and the images Of excess.
So next place his head in this cham
Der Of aluminium you see here. The
secret of it is the discovery have made
of the effect of electrical currents upon
the though centers, especially upon the
creative or imaginative functionings.
After two hours in this machine his
head comes out containing renovated
brain. In place of his former fancies
of the pleasures of intoxication he has
an entirely new set Of enthusiasms. An
| invitation to "Come and have one"
leaves him cold. He passes by the sa-
looms, looking at them with mild won
der. He regards the vociferous banquet
ers. flushed with champagne, with IN
genuous curiosity. 80.
That thing in his imagination which
such scenes used to appeal TO IS afro
phied. He cannot understand why people
want to drink, any more than dog can
comprehend what his master stnds In
teresting in book.
These two machines are destined 10
be the most paying affairs OF the age.
have formed q lite company 10 pro-
mote their sale. am not offering any
ctock to the public, but am letting
few friends In on the gro'ind floor.
II you have few hundred to spare
| I will let you have some shares, though
| / trust you will keep 1t to yourself. :.
Capitalists have made me all sorts OF
propositions, but propose to give my
| friends first 60. ~
"No. DR.. Bump" l answered, Il
think / shall put my money In apple
orchards"