The Detroit times., 1915-08-02
The Inventions of DR.. Bump
~ on. FRANK CRANE
Copyright. 1915. By Frank Crane)

The trouble, said DR.. Bump, with
those persons who essay to effect the n
form OF drunkards is that they do not
understand the causes of the drink habs
1t. and hence go at the cure Of il in the
wrong way.
They usually appeal to the victims in
teiligence with arguments, or to his emo
tons with sentimental lures. They say
that drinking is bad for the health, that
it hardens the arteries, wrecks the kid
neys, reduces the disease-resisting forces
of the body, and the like.
Now. all this addresses itself only to
the drinkers mind. And the mind makes
no man drink.
No one says, Go to. now. will in.
sert two or three fluid ounces of spiritus
frumenti into my works in order that
l may become hilarious" He does not
reason thus. He does not reason at all.
And not being rational process, drink
ing cannot be stopped by ratiocination.
Neither does the drunkard say, upon
taking to his cups, 81 will now prepare
myself maudlin spectacle, beat my
mother" Hence to approach him on the
SLUG VI Ills Sci-IcSpcSt 10 VI III uSc.
Why does he drink? For two reasons.
One. to crafty desire. He gets into
state of depression, restlessness, UNI
happiness. Out of this he knows few
highballs will lift him.
Two, to satisfy the push of fermented
and unwholesome imaginations. Visions
Of conviviality, pictures of drink-light-
ened scenes, create in his fancy a strong
drive. He goes to the decanter to real
ize his fevered dream.
l therefore am the only living man
who can cure the drink habit scientific
cally because Of my two inventions.
This, he continued, pointing to COM
plcated apparatus Of wires, refectorS,
crucibles and tanks, is my desire. ex-(
| tractor.
place my patient in this chair, hyI
notize him. remove the soul from II
body temporarily by process ! learnq
from the Yogis, treat it with certa
chemicals, subtle fumes that exerc
peculiar reactions upon the spirit,
when put the soul back in him 1t is 4
solutely clean of all alcoholic craving.f
He does not want alcohol. He f
toward it pointed disgust. Insteae q
mis- old longing he has now vivid Ct IA:
ing for fruit, especially apples. essx:
whiskey drunkard have changed 81
to an apple drunkard. ~
This, however, is not enough. n Sss
old want would return If his thougflC 2;
continued to run toward scenes OF III
rousing and the images Of excess. IL
So next place his head in this chat
Der Of aluminium you see here. TEk
secret of it is the discovery have matSS
of the effect of electrical currents upo%
the though centers, especially upon the(
creative or imaginative functionings.
After two hours in this machine his
head comes out containing renovated
brain. In place of his former fancies
of the pleasures of intoxication he has
an entirely new set Of enthusiasms. An
| invitation to "Come and have one"
leaves him cold. He passes by the sa-
looms, looking at them with mild won
der. He regards the vociferous banquet
ers. flushed with champagne, with in
genuous curiosity.
That thing in his imagination which
such scenes used to appeal to Is afro
phied. He cannot understand why people
want to drink, any more than dog can
comprehend what his master finds IN
teresting in a book,
These two machines are destined 10
be the most paying affairs of the age.
have formed a little company to pro-
mote their sale. am not offering any
cfock to the public, but am letting .
few friends in on the ground floor.
II YOU have a few hundred to spare
I will let you have some shares, though
trust you will keep it to yourself.
Capitalists have made me all sorts OF
propositions, but propose to give my
friends first go. az
"No. DR.. Bump" answered, II
think | shall put my money in apple
orchards"