Tombstone epitaph., 1915-02-14

Cyprus county buckwheat and sur rup."
 Pete needed no further invitation, and the luscious cakes followed one another down his throat as if they were affixed to a patent belt-conveyer. Little pork sausages to the number ot ten accompanied the pancakes. and three cups of coffee helped to wash it all down. At length he drew his chair back. stretched his legs and heayed a contented sigh.
 Well. ladies'" he said, "1 must say dat"
 But the remainder of the compli- ment remained unuttered. for at this juncture a tremendous banging on the floor above brought down small flakes of plaster on Miss Towners' table and the house rocked with the commotion.
 Eleeza shrieked and clutched at the tablecloth. while Miss Towners sat bolt upright and turned white.
 Land O Goshen'' she cried in a lull of the noise What is that?'' Pete rose to his feet in a carefully devised attitude Of strained attention.
 It sounds to me" he said, after an- i other series Of bangs, like dere wuz somebody up dere. Have youse got a revolver il de house?'
 Miss Towners pointed tremblingly to shelf in the kitchen and Pete at once seized the frearm from between the tea-caddy and the saltbox Its six chambers were loaded.
 Thrusting it into his coat pocket. Pete took the stairs three at a jump. Immediately thereafter Miss Towners and EleeZa ran into the front yard and. standing at the gate. uttered scream after scream.
 Jest as if dey wuz paid fer it." Pete thought.
 He entered his hosts bedroom and , carefully fired three shots through the front window. whereat the quality of Miss Towners' screams became doubly piercing.
 Then Pete tore the sheets, mattress and springs from the bed and ex. posed the bound and half-sufocated AAtAf VII SiNh like snake. but his thongs held fast.
 ''Youse do wot I tell yer" Pete cried, ''or I'll put slug inter yer an finish de job"
 lie lifted Hole in-tte-Cheek from the bottom of the bed and set him against | :Ee wall. Then he removed the gag. As soon as the burglar could enunci- ate stream of profanity issued forth, all of which caused a broad grin on Pete's face
 Keep it up." he said. Keep it up, Ye're boostin' me game For five minutes Pete turned over chairs and knocked down pictures in dramatic counterfeit of a struggle to the death. After this there was a stiffness of about ten minutes, during which he rocked and wheezed in an ecstasy of mirth. Then he seized the mummy-wrapped Hole in the Cheek and bore him wriggling down the stairs.
 When he appeared at the front door Miss Towners lay on the grass-plot in swoon. while EleeZa was opening and closing her mouth with spasmodic regularity. No sound came from her lips, however. for she had shrieked herself into complete silence.
 Pete cast his burden on the ground. Oats wot we do to 'em in Oklaho. ! ma." he said.
 Aided Dy Eieeza. he harnessed iii. 1 ram Towners' best mare to the family wagon and in ten minutes he was driving rapidly down the highway to. ward the station with Hole-in-the. Cheek doubled up under the rear seat, as incapable of motion as a sack oi potatoes
 The jolting Of the wagon, however seemed to revive the yeggman's vocal powers. and he gushed out blasphemy in such profusion that it made his first ungagged efforts m the bedroom seem like the small talk of a mothers meet | ing.
 i "Hole-in-tIie-C Cheek" he said sol | emnly. "youse wouldn't dast gimme dat line of talk if youse was united Hole-in-the-Cheek's reply to this ob