Tombstone epitaph., 1915-02-21
spiritual Microbe. but the ceezer knew

spiritual Microbe. but the Ceezer knew how to annex the Kale. When Providence is directing the Handouts. she very often slips some Squarehead the canny Gift of cor railing the Cush. but holds out all of the deiectable Attributes supposed to distinguish Man from what you see in the Cages at the Zoo. After the Pater had earned his Shaft in the Cemetery. Elam became the Loud Noise around a dinky Manu. featuring Plant down by the Yards.
 The Cracker-Barrel Coterie and all the old Ladies who had become mus clebound from yielding the Sledge. predicted that Elam would put the Or ganization into the Ditch wrong side up.
 The Well-Wishers. the Brotherly Lovers. aud the total membership of the Helping Hand Society sat back waiting for Elam to be dug out of the Debris. so they could collect Wit ness Fees at the Postmortem
 The Junior earned their abiding Dis like by putting one across.
 He made the Fossils sit up in their padded Rocking Chairs and pay some attention to the IGiot Child He never could hold down any Posi- tion until tried out for a Captain of Industry. and then he began to Bat .i50 and Field 9SS.
 After the dusty Workman had manufactured tine Product. and the Salesmen had unloaded it. and the Collectors had brought in the Lories, then Elam had to sit al Mahogany Desk with a Picture of Claudine in front of him, and figure how much of ! the hard-earned Mazuma would be doled out to his greedy Employees. Sometimes he would be compelled to fork over nearly half of the Gross. whereupon his Heart would ache and he would become Morose.
 Tn few Years he had a lot of new Buildings, with Skylights and i'm proved Machinery and all sorts Of hu- mane Appliances to enable the Work ing Force to increase the Output.
 As the Bank-Account expanded and the Happy Couple found themselves on Plush Claudine began to scan the Horizon and act restless-like. She said the Home Town was Im- possible It certainly did seem Con- trary 10 Reason.
 Any Woman with a salaried Illus. band could bust into Society if she sang in a Choir or owned an Ice-Cream Freezer
 Claudine was for migrating to some hightoned Community beyond the Rising Sun. where she could sit iu Marble Halls and compare Jeweiry with proud Duennas Of her own Sta tion.
 Seeing Claudine at the corner of sth and Central. waiting for the Green Car. one would not have suspected that she harbored Intentions on the Court Circles of Europe One would merely have guessed that she was on her way to the Drug Store to purchase much Camphor.
 But she had taken a Peek at the Palm Rooms and the powdered Lackeys and the Tea Riot at the Plaza, and she was panting inwardly.
 She wanted to hang a silver bell around her neck and go galloping with the white-faced Thorouehbreds.
 It was no good trying to work up Speed on a halfmile track in the Prairie Mud.
 Once in a while Claudine made a bold Sashay to start something devil ish, but the Ffllies trained on the Farm did not seem gaitcd for the Grand Circuit.
 As for the Servant Problem. it was something Ferocious. City Help could not be lured to the Tall Grass. and all the Locals had been schooled at the Railway Eating-House.
 Elan and Claudine had a Cook named Gusta. born somewhere near the Arctic Circle in Europe. Her Fried Chicken drowned in thick