Arizona republican., 1915-06-27
Finnegan Admonishes
 Little James

Did read thim jolts I'm gettin in the Re pooblican? Ye did? Have saw the scandalous spellin an indecent grammar what Little James. the sore-headed omadhoun. scatters over the Soon day paper? Ye have? It's all I writed swateheart, Katie. whats in the ould country, come to Phoenix an milk the an pig an cook the vctnals afther me an her commits matrimony be gettin married. Some day I'll be smoothin the bosom his pant yloons wid flat iron, an embroderin the coat the United Pickle Growers Associashun in the small his back wid a pickhande.
 Bhoys Hid Iangwich like a sand crab an tongues hung be the middle to wag both ways to wanst like the hind end q ducks tail has nothin' to brag about, they have not! They've place in the company things, dye mind A blind man see that wid two his eyes shut It's like miXin shugar wid oysthers-they don't assimate at all An the taste wud stop a clock It gets me goat why sinsible men is incumbated out sassy small bhoys what have learned betther till they're graduated from the milk bottle into paiamy's an chin whislers Ould NatJre, Len' female horslf frequently perpetraates misthaNes be accident Aiher that she does it agaln more whn ye're not expeotin' Which why bhoys he bhoys 5ayin' whin they're divis an that's most av the time
 Dye mind thm nIigant fat frogs be the town ditch that's throubled wd warts the same as a swiss cheese wid empty holes? Have ye heared thim warhlin night afther we're tryin' to alape an not beease av the harmonious chunes they sing? said thim anaimales erowed av desrespictabIe tadpoes what rasn't no legs in a tale to swim wid in the wather Afther dis locatn' liver wid the pothry smugeled into last Soonday1s paaper be Little James, because that small diminuative spalpeen havin' nothn, thim frogs I'm beavin' it's all true be gorry' Bad cess
 
 why do he be ineagin in the loocratve pursuit damagin' reputashun be the crime poth'ry orninIinted wid deconposed srellin that the paint off a tin monkey? Me bank accounts that finder admire negotiate ounce chloride lime at six bits the carload! Iris big chances i'm takin' again contractn' di- saased appindiX. Wirra, Wrrai
 There's poth'ry wud make good man steal the plaster off his there's pothry wud thirsty Papago sidestep bootlegger what's selin' hair oil and fire wather be the dark he moon: hide wrinkle wid indignation; but. bedad,, the poth'y what's petraated agonized p2oblic be Little James whin sufferin' the bangs conscience an collie Wud make gasoleen waggin disnherit his own ancisters It wud that
 Shure. there's nary excuse fer sich capern's at all. There is not, EXciptin it be the immInse ig- noraance he has the rules entomology an poesy what's niver been introduced to that an niver will excpt wid a surgical operation O his bhrains Whom the gods desthrcy they foorst make oonaticle which fixes thm all right all right There's slathers fellys be Docther KingleAfs poorium beyant city limits whats tccumulaatn' board an lodEins fer don smaller mntal stunts thin Little Jammv's dischargin these times. och, to contempaate becase hell be afther makin broth ay a bod carrier day if it's not hanged ne is defacin the characters his betthers.
 a teasin pen he has wd sharp point 1t. Tis well if he 6o not puncture inny more nv tires-unliss he's afther coortin' the taste a shialah. It's peasin to ate from the mantle because av suddin' tnderness in the full his pants what makes chair imposhihle fer the pain it. fer the lad to houd the ind aV his beall n doore a bee hive thin to thrGubble likes The business parts av thim bees