The Washington herald., 1915-08-22
LOOPING NORTH AMERICA
-.~. W.---The Land of the Native Son
By GEORGE R. MINER.

| native son" Is person who raises
his hat when California Is mentioned
and announces that he comes from
: Gods own country"
| In California, when you speak of
"a native son. you mean a flea
That shows what 5000 miles will
accomplish in the animal kingdom.
Even Darwin never suggested such a
lightning change evolution as that. In
passing, let me remark that the Cali
fornia flea is to his far-famed Italian
cousin as a prizefghter is to a tango
tea rat. He has a physique and
method of his own. The only way to
attract his attention is with a ham
mer. Nothing softer makes a dent on
his hardshell Baptist conscience. It's
waste Of time to try to corral him
with a finger moistened in the mouth
1t only makes him skid.
| When II comes to Kidding your
anatomy OF them entirely-provided, of
| course. you have some prejudice and
don't like fleas-the only way is to
shed all the clothes you were not born
in and get into bathtub filled with
water hot enough to boil a lobster. OF
course when you come out you won't
\ be devoid of fleas. but they will be
strangulated or SO filled with water
that they can't hop and can easily be
scraped off.
Passing from these intimate remarks
| concerning native sons" let us place
ourselves in the Pacific Ocean headed
for Southern California on a trip which
loops North America by way Of the ca
nal
The scenery in the Pacific Ocean diff
fers from the scenery in the Atlantic in
that on the Pacific the mighty deep
throws things UP at yod, while on the
Atlantic you are inclined to throw up
| things at the mighty deep The Carib-
bean Sea seemed to be largely composed
Of restless water. while the calm Pacific
Ocean all along the coasts of Central
America and Mexico and Lower Califor-
mia seemed to be thickly mixed with
huge turtles sleeping lazily on the sur
race. whales squirting up water like sy
phon bottles. huge shoals OF tuna fish
jumping in the air in long rows like reg
iments Of soldiers. and other animals not
to be found in the ordinary barnyard.
1t seemed to be a popular place for
sea life. but for nothing else. For five
days we did not sight a ship or anything
else that was not made when the world
first attracted the attention Of mankind
No freight steamer was churning along.
no speck of white sail on the sky line to
help fll the demands of commerce We
were out Of the well-used ocean high
way. and a singular thing, too, is that
Nearly a week without any sort of news,
regular American, used to quotations
for breakfast and lunch. would have run
around in circles until he went crazy
To be sure, for day or so, there
were the Mexican mountains to look at,
pale blue with jagged tops. a pretty set
ting, but behind them what deeds Of vio-
lence and crime and political upheavals
were going on we could only guess.
Meanwhile. the heat stuck to us like
a porous plaster and many of the pas
sengers got peevish. They began to
quarrel with the food. They started ru-
mors that the ice had run out al
though every one could have all he want
ed Of it. in spite of the fact that a buck
etful Of cracked ice would turn into
warm water in FIVE minutes.
The man from Warren, Mass" mot
Massachusetts,, but Mass), complained
because he did not have pork and beans
for every meal 1t was the only thing
he could eat. and. consequently, the
cook was making him i'll. other people
insisted on ordering fish after we had
been two weeks in the tropics. They got
the fish. we got the odor. and they got
the stomachache.
The man who was determined to get |
his moneys worth also was much in evil |
dence. He insisted on dabbling in every |
thing on the bill of fare. from the ships |
monogram at the top of the date line at |
the bottom. Whenever the name Of the |
dish was in French and he couldn't |
understand 1t, he took 1t as a personal |
insult and an attempt on the part OF |
the company to do him.
Now" said one of these gentry who /
made the life of the stewards a con-
ttnual torture and who always ate I'D all
the dessert in his reach while waiting
for dinner to be served what they need /
on this ship is to get a woman to run
the culinary department. They ought
to hire Mrs. Bolles. She runs a SUMNER
hotel in West Virginia and her house
is always full. People come there Jus.
to get her cooking There amt moth
ing in New York to touch it. She only
charges two dollars a day. too. If
they'd get her here people would come
on this trip just for the cooking
Suddenly it got cool
We ripped our way through the level
sea and sluggish brown turtles. past
San Diego. ana the outlying islands to
San Pedro. the harbor of Los Angeles.
The first view of the California coast
Is not progressing. Nothing to be seen
but rounded brown hills as devoid Of
verdure as billiard ball is Of fur. First
trippers were. looking for heavily laden
orange trees leaning over the water All
they saw was mud and sand and rocks.
The only reason for San Pedro and its
very expensive artificial harbor is that
Los Angeles, twenty miles inland. wants
t. The Creator never intended a harbor
70 be there. but the Federal government
Ind Los Angeles apparently knew more
lbout 1t. and stuck long breakwater
,ut into the Pacific and dredged out
channels and filled In for piers. We
locked at q huge concrete pier so new
hat the shavings were still on the steps
" the landing stage. There was a tire
ZONE medical examination. taking two
hours or so. by United States ofiicials,
he same thing that we had undergone