Palisadian., 1915-12-18
The Road To Nyack
An Automobile Story
For THE PALISADIAN:

The intricacies of the mystic maze,
are a mere trifle to the road system
of Northern New Jersey and South
eastern New York. AS the crow
flies to Nyack on the Hudson, the
distance is about an even twenty
miles from Palisade. AS a man
would have to get there by road
ways several miles more must be
added. There are ways of getting
to Nyack that make the distance by
auto about twenty three miles; there
are other ways of getting there, espe-
cially if one does not have Nyack in
ones mind, that make the trip one
of interminable lengths.
For instance, this reporter knows
forty different roads to Nyack, but
not a single one that doesn't lead
there. Starting on Sunday morn
ing, say, with no objective place in
mind, and going along that most in
viting and spectacular road leading
past Englewood Cliffs and the Taylor
manse, where one sees the mystic
sign tackled on tree, "Thank You,' y
that for today Nyack is to be skipped.
A few miles to the west on a road ap
pearing a bit new, and we come to
a cross road with signs up In two
places, one hand pointing, "New
York, this way" the other, "Nyack,
twelve miles"
Well, we turn away from the Nyack
index and keep due west again.
81 know where this road leads, y
said the wife. "It goes to Spring
Valley"
"No," added the daughter, "it is
the road to Suffern."
In five minutes travel a railroad
track is crossed, and the station sign
says, Closter. Another sign says,
"Twelve miles to Nyack."
"Well, we are not getting any
nearer Nyack, that's sure" says the
son.
"Don't be so sure of that" puts
in the father. "You never can tell.
| think the next state road you are
going to run into will be the one to
Oradell."
"Why, we are not in that neighbor-
hood" chimes in the daughter.
eff this road don't take us to
Westwood I'll eat my hat" said the
chauffeur.
Well sign at turn said, "Nyack
eleven miles!" we had been travelling
fifteen minutes since the last sign
said twelve miles to Nyack.
81 know we are going to Nyack," "
Mrs. wife put in.
"No, l think this is the direction
of Allendale, if l know my compass
at all,' said the pater familias.
Anyhow, another twenty minutes and
the Bergen county poor farm was
passed, and on sign post near the
legend, "Nyack Twelve Miles,"
"Say," the driver said, "this Nyack
business has got me going. I'll be
dogged my higgins, if I ever saw
anything like it. Back yonder the
sign read Nyack thirteen miles,"
In another few miutes there was
another sign up which read, "Spring
Valley three miles, Nyack eleven
miles,"
"Anyhow, said the lady, "we've
been going a full hour, and Nyack
is about the same distance off.
conclude that these roads we've been
on are the perimeter of wheel sur
rounding Nyack. Now, any time we
want to strike Nyack, all we'd have
to do would be to turn right and get
there in no time"
"Do you want to go to Nyack ?"
asked the young lady.
"No, indeed, but we seem doomed
to go there against our wishes"
"What l Think" said the old man,
"Is that Nyack is the best advertised
town in the whole world. It's nice
enough place, but nobody wants to
be going there all the time. There's
a man by the road ahead. Well ask
him where we are at"
The man was soon reached and
the car stopped.
"Will you kindly tell me where we
are?" he was asked.
"Well, you can go to Suffern by
this road. Its twelve miles. Over
this way, pointing to his right, is
the shortest road to Nyack. Its
twelve miles, ALSO"
Everybody laughed so loud the man
didn't seem to like it.
"Excuse us, please" he was told,
"but we have seen twenty signs in
half an hour, and everything said
twelve miles to Nyack. That's what
the folks are laughig at"
eyes," answered the man, every
body says the same thing. It's an
old story. 1t gifts on some peoples
nerves, too."
Turning due west at this point, we
went on to the left of Suffern where
we concluded we'd ask another chap
we saw coming to meet US. The fell
low stopped as the car reached him.
"Will you tell us where we are?"
he was asked.
His CLASSY stare indicated that he
had been imbibing ample quantities
of hard cider. Looking at the driver
he said slowly:
"Be ye foolin', or dye really want
to know?"
"Why, no, we truly want to know