The Bottineau courant. (Bottineau, Bottineau County, N.D.) 1895-1929, 1915-05-21
THE VILLAGE
POSTMASTER
BY M. QUAD
Copyright, 1915. by the Mcclure
Newspaper Syndicate.

on SO long that I'm gettin' used to d.
Monday mornin' Peter Jones calls at
the postoffice and leads me into q cor
ner and whispers:
lube Pike, you are postmaster of
Podunk and in touch with the govern
ment. Anything comm from you goes.
D'you know what's on foot to smash
the United States all to splintersY
No"
You'd never dream it, lube. You'd
never suspect it. | only caught on by
the merest accident. Come closer.
D'you know what Abner Joslyn is
goin' to do II he don't git nominated
fur the legislature? I've got it as
straight as a ten foot pole. He's goin'
to bolt. sir; goin' over to the other par
ty and take Silas Comfort and Joe
Harrison with him. Yes. sir; that's
the plot and plan, and you kin judge
what the results will be. Well be
knocked colder'n a wedge. Move. sir:
move without a moments delay. Jest
sit right down and get Il letter off to
Washington and tell them what's up.
Tell them not to take chances or waste
time. | think Silas and Joe can be
bought off. but the squar' must he ar
rested and chained hand and foot till
the danger is over"
Tuesday is Deacon Taylor's day.
Along about II O'Clock he comes in ANA
inquiries if clotheslines are still bcin'
made the usual length and then raps
on the counter and says:
Cube Pike. this government is stand
in on the verge Of Il chasm and don't
know it. It's fur you to save us from Il
gigantic catastrophe"
whats wrong, deacOn?" l asks.
Don't talk SO loud. The town Of
Podunk is full of spies. lube, you
know Moses Carter, of course. You
know that when he didn't get the
nominashun fur constable two years
ago he went out Of politics and didn't
give a red cent who was elected or de-
feated. He's bin layin' low. sir: bin
playin' possum and thinks the time
has come now. He's bin readin' up
and gettin' figgers together. and he's
comm out with q statement that the
tariff rates hev shut up seven differ
ent cooper shops in this county alone
in the last four years. Think OF that,
lube. fur a thunderclap!'
But what we goin' to do?"
1T depends upon you. sir. and II l
was in your boots. holdin' down a
p~ostofice at $2G.5O a year and i'm touch
with the government. it wouldn't take
me ten minutes to get a dispatch to
Washington. They ought to be noti-
fed at once. 1t ought to he put to
them mighty strong. Remember it's up
to you" he said as he vent out.
Wednesday I can allus look for ia
cob Warner. Jacob had a brother
scalped by Indians in 1868. and he
wrote IA letter to General Grant in 1879.
and he's accounted a purity big man
about Podunk. He's allus been wantin'
to run for supervisor. but has some
how allus got left. He's still wantin'
and comes in on Wednesdays and
hangs around fur a spell and then
says:
"Jube. I've known you goin' on TWEEN
+ ty-eight years. and I'm the last one to
take the bread out Of your mouth"
Anything up:" I asks.
THAR is. sir. and don't you fOrgit it.
Yes, Sir. thar's sumthin' up. and Wash.
in"t"} can't hear Of it any tOU soon.
I'll talk to You rs | would to no other
man in 'PodMnk. because ! feel rs if
l Kin trust you. .Iu|e. do you know
/ that thar is one man in this town that
can bust the whole United States
higher than CiIGeroy's kite just max
in one Spcprh:"
NO. is it possible?" says /.
It's just this way" he says as he
drops his voice to Il whisper. "Y"l!
write to Washington and tell them
thar's danger ahead. and the awfule@t
kind Of danger. Tell them that thar's
a MAJ in Podunk who has worked fur
the party night and day fur the last
twenty years and has got no thanks
fur ii. That man has contributed cv.
cry liberty pole for the last ten years
He's argued and jawed and tit fur the
party. He's even called his own brother
a liar fur sayin' that taxes was toe
high. lube. such faithfulness deserves
a reward-virtue is goin' to triumph as
usual. but If not
Don't get excited. Jacob"
I'm not gittin' excited. lube. but II
you and the rest Of the government
wants to vert a catastrophe you'll get
your heads together mighty quick and
see that the right thing is DONE"
Next day I count on Philetus Blue.
fields shown up. Philetus had a
great-grandfather killed in Havana by
the fall Of a hogshead Of sugar. and
since he's become Of age he's beer
pressin' a claim for $4,000 damages
He says:
look here. sir. I'm either goin' to
have that money or thar1l be the aw
fullest row in this kentry anybody eve1
heard Of! I'm as quiet as a hen up to &
certain point. but when you wake MI
IN I'm FIR hlOO6 and SIanphtor w