Crittenden record-press. [volume] (Marion, Ky.) 1909-191?, 1915-02-04
BRAIN
LEAKS.
by F. s. LLOYD:

will complain that this is cola cola
world just because he married a woman
who makes 1t hot for him.
Mrs. Dick Grove said to her husband .
"Do you realize, my dear that you
have never done any thing to save your
fellowmen any sutfering?'
don't marry your"
Dan Patton said, Mamie, why do
you suppose there is no marrying nor
giving in marriage in heaven?"
Because there are no men there.
Mrs. Albert Elder said, 81 have just ]
been reading that widows make the
best OF wives"
But really, my dear, you can hard
ly expect me to die just in order to
make good wife Of you"
Miss Florence Patton says father
always indgnates because the children
don't want to go to bed at night and
don't want to get up in the morning,
but mother knows that the children
inherited it from the male side of their
parentage.
Bill Smith says marriage is some
thing that changes sweetheart into a
sour heart.
Bro. Oakley says a preacher doesn I
have any more of a cinch in life than
you have, and he is up against 1t about
as much as you are. He has to get a
call to some other church in order to
get raise in his salary.
Albert Elder says there was time
when beauty was skin deep, but now.
a.days lot Of it rubs off # you even
touch II.
Once upon a time David Woods r.
membered that the day was tho tenth
anniversary Of his wedding, and he
brought home some flowers and cand
to his wife and gave her a kiss. And
it took four doctors nine DAYS 70 re-.
store the poor woman from the effect
OF the shock.
Uncle Bill Lloyd SAYS it IS fun but lt
is a fact, the rich think the poor are
eztrayagant. and the poor think the
rich are stingy.
Uncle George Stations says any
scientist will tell you that caiomc. is
! the best cure for broken heart, tut
he has tried 1t and don't have much
faith in scientist, any way.
Ed Baker says there Is lots Of peor
who will tell you that the laichstrrg
| is always out SIDE. tot they 90 o.
mention the fact that there is a b..
oor loose IN the front yard.
Dan Pai,sa says sometimes The pill
low on the bed look clean when tH,
are shamming
George Stone says It people go.
what they u,cH.u most, o. .u, I..
girIs would vaae up 900 Jm.a.
morning and hnu safety razor d.
their stocking
Ben Wigginlon says married ..m.
ought 20 make good juror They
know what darncd liars all the "a Not .
Wisa IN ali the alibig
Frank emit says the women 90 NOT
use up all the safety pins. The MARI.
ed men have to have something "a
take the place Of buttons.
Sam Hoverton says the man VII,
can't tell wool from cotton when b,
buys "a suit, car always tell I'VE from
bourbon when he buys a drink
Strodcr Davis says you can get sea
sick without gong near the ocean.
Just listen 10 some Of the young things
talking to their fellows over the phone.
Uncle Billy Lloyd says all won en- are
made in the same mold, and yet eve )
woman is different.
Robert Hill says when man is h,
father Of about fifteen children he
hasn't any business cussing Adam be-
cause Adam ate an apple.
Sherd Hale says, Of course II would
not be Christmas without little egg.
nog.
Raise Dor says, It is none Of my
,, business, but widower should not be-
} gin paying installments on an engage
ment ring until he has finished paying
for his first wife's funeral
Uncle Dock Green says, the man
who tries TO earn honest living for his
family: and the man who minds his
own business, are both clasScd as un.
desirable citizens by old man satan.
John Warren Travis says, woman S
tongue can pat up better battle than
a mans fist
Albert Elder says, when his wife is
mad at him he will not attempt TO
fight back, you can turn on a line Of
baby talk and tell her how good she
looks. and what fine old Girl she is.
and win her over and make her won
der how on earth she happened to get
angry at YOU.