Crittenden record-press. [volume] (Marion, Ky.) 1909-191?, 1915-01-21

sl4.<naLs 49, $500. 49,
Howerton remarked David Boaz
'seem to forget the simplest rule of
arithmetic"
What do you mean" Asked Sam
1T is mighty hard to convince them, ,
Dave replied, that six into three
went 80"
Miss Annie May Rolana was heard
to say, mo, Victor, fear we could
never be happy. You know | always
want my own way in everything. "
"Rut darlirR you could 70 on want
ing 1t after We aIe Il ar.led -
Miss DeLoe will take two' weeks
vacation from her duties at the post
Office. During her absence Postmas-
ter Henderson request patrons Of the
Office to lick their own stamps. E-t-
It is said that Oscar Hibbs, of Cairo,
was standing in crow ded street car
not long ago hanging to strap, for
some unknown reason the car sudden
| ly stopped, ard Mr.. Ilibbs was precipi-
tat'd into the lap Of young and very
pretty woman. Oscar arose and bowed
profoundly. Madam" he said, this
is the first time the Street Car Co.,
ever conferred favor on ne.
. : DriSpicksrd was paying visit to
one Of his patients, young mother.
"You must let the baby have one
cows milk to drink every day, Mrs.
Crdcr," he said.
VERY well doctor, If you say 30 Of
] win, " replied the perpIexing young
woman, but really don't see how he
is going to hold it all. "
RandIe Ray had been given a penny
with a hole in it, He spent it for a
douphnut. John Lloyd in due course
objected See here, bud, there's {
hole boz this penny and goes cleal
through. ~
n "And there's a hole in the dough
r NUT too was the grinng reply. r.
d Albert Elder says a single man !
e uo.cnt until you can prove hin guilty
4, a married man is guilty until he ca
b prove ro bIs wife that he is innocent
x arI even then he t under suspicion.
b. Ben Wipginton says one reason VIII
farmer doubts great deal that h
in read. about wonderful new invention
~ is because 10 GENES has ever had tn
re brain, enough to devise a plan tina
will prevent a horse from getting 1t
re- TAI. over the lines. .. -
= Presley Maxwell says the onery Gu
ls who can [ save a nickel always just
v fees his course by saying "Oh well 70
can't take it with YOU when you die.
&c Uncle Billy Lloyd says there may b
other funny sights, but one Of the fur
r. lest ever saw was a fat woman try
lr ing 20 tiptoe across floor
So Uncle Dave Woods says another on
ly OF the sure things Of 10. Is that 20
40 can't find q man who will admit thu
be his salary Is increasing as fast as Il
cost Of living.
= Albert B,az says some men u'
= mighty biz words TO say mighty sma
= things.
I Bill Cox says most Of Us give
I charity with knowledge that a din
N makes more noise in a contributi,
y box than a dollar bill.
4 Nellie Harmon said TO Vini Hlrpc
Y the more clothes q woman has. Il
more pleasure she gets out Of cot
4 planning that she has nothing to wea
III Albert Elder says before marriage
y does all the talking, but Is diirere
N after marriage.
M II. G. Rice say one Of the draw hac
IN about being a liar Is that you alwa
IN have "a hard time trying 10 remcmt
III what yon said yesterday and the d
Nd before.
III Ed Baker says ia msr could bc
III rested for stealing another mans Tin
7. there would he more jnus tnuu churcl
mi In this country,