davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Fulton County news. [volume] (McConnellsburg, Pa.) 1899-current, 1915-01-28
SATIRE CONTAINS A MORAL
Demand Than Those One
ones Real Qualities May Be Moro In
Makes Pretense or.

Among the clever satires in Barry
Pains new book, Stories Without
Tears" is one which relates how a
publisher went to an employment
agency to secure a clever writer.
The agency man told him II would
be easy to fill the order
We've got $50 clever writer's on
our books. he said. I'll send few
dozen of the best around to your Office
this afternoon and you can pick one.
That do?
Nicely. said the customer. and
rose to go, when he remembered some
thing. By the way he said i also
want boy who can be trusted to take
charge of the stamps and petty cash
Then Mr.. Agency threw down his
pen. He did not book that order He
gave a sigh like a high-power suction
pump. Do your he said in melan-
choly voice. Well, II you find two save
one for me. | want one myself
"Oh, my poor friends who are trying
to be cleverer than you are, remember
that the world also wants honest men.
And, as things stand at present,
Patent Tills with the Unmonkeyable
Lock are better market than Brain
Fertilizers containing, Free Phos
phorus.'
The Fulton County news. [volume] (McConnellsburg, Pa.) 1899-current, 1915-01-28
OFF THE REEL
Shower Of Questions Made no Trouble
for information Man at Busy
Railroad Depot.

A large and garrulous woman ap.
preached policeman in the lobby of
the new Union station and asked, all
In one breath:
what time does the Missouri Paci-
fic get in from Falls City; what time
does the Santa Fe go to Newton; how
high was the water in the 1908 flood;
how much does that man charge for
bananas?"
You are looking for the informa-
ton dcsk," the officer replied, and led
her over the cage of the man who
knows everything. The woman re-
peated her inquiry:
What time does the Missouri Pa
cific get in from Falls City; what time
does the Santa Fe go to Newton; how
high was the water in the 1908 flood;
how much does that man charge for
bananas?"
The information man had tele.
phone receiver at his ear. Without
batting an eye or changing the tone
of his voice or his expression he
answered promptly: Gets in S:35,
goes out 9:4O, up to your chin, three
for a dime Kansas City Star.
The Fulton County news. [volume] (McConnellsburg, Pa.) 1899-current, 1915-01-28
Reducing illIteracy.

Only fifteen out of every one thou.
sand children from ten to fourteen
years Of age in the United States are
unable to read and write.
These figures just announced by the
federal bureau of education show a
striking decrease in child illiteracy
during the last fourteen years. In 1900
the number OF illiterate children be
tween the ages Of ten and fourteen
was forty-two in every thousand. In
1910 this number was reduced to TWEEN
ty'twC. Four years have further low.
cred II TO more than 80 l-3 per cent.
Assuming only the latter rate of de-
crease, twenty years more may see
youthful illiteracy in this country al
most cease to exist save among newly
arrived immigrant families. Nor can
the present rate of Improvement fail
to produce In the same period a
marked change in the percentage of
illiteracy in the entire population of
ten years and over-which in 1910 was
IT., or sevehty-fve illiterates for every
thousand.
The Fulton County news. [volume] (McConnellsburg, Pa.) 1899-current, 1915-01-28
A RNING,

Il can drink or let It alone-as he
does says the young man, pointing TO
a respected member of the community
who is a moderate drinker. Too
often the followers OF such an exam
pie make good on the first part Of
their boast but not on the last. The
brilliant Charles Lamb, a victim of
the liquor habit left this warning to
the young man taking his first glass:
Gould he look into my desolation,
and be made to understand what a
dreary thing II is when he shall feel
himself going down a precipice with
eyes open and a passive will; to see
his destruction, and have no power
TO stop II, to see all goodness emptied
out Of him, and yet not be able to for
get time when IL was otherwise; to
bear about the piteous spectacle of
his own ruin-cOuld he see my fe-
yered eye, fevered with tie last nights
drinking, and feverishly looking for to-
nights repetition Of the folly; could
he but feel the body of this death out
of which I cry hourly, with feebler
outcry, to be delivered il we're enough
TO make him dash the sparkling bev-
erage to earth, in all the pride of its
mantling temptation
The Fulton County news. [volume] (McConnellsburg, Pa.) 1899-current, 1915-01-28
GRANDMA USED SAGE TEA
TO DARKEN HER GRAY HAIR
She Made Up a Mixture of Sage Tea
and Sulphur to Bring Back Color,
Gloss, Thickness.

Almost everyone knows that Sage
Tea and Sulphur, properly compound
ed, brings back the natural color and
lustre to the hair when faded, streaked
or gray; also ends dandruff, itching
scalp and stops falling hair. Years
ago the only way to get this mixture
was to make it at home, which is
mussy and troublesome. Nowadays,
by asking at any store for "Wyeths
Sage and Sulphur Hair Remedy" you
will get large bottle Of the famous
old recipe for about so cents.
Don't stay gray! Try it! No one
can possibly tell that you darkened
your hair, as it does it 50 naturally
and evenly. You dampen a sponge or
soft brush with 1t and draw this
through your hair, taking one small
strand at time, by morning the gray
hair disappears, and after another ap-
plication or two, your hair becomes
beautifully dark, thick and glossy
Adv.
The Fulton County news. [volume] (McConnellsburg, Pa.) 1899-current, 1915-01-28
IN WEST VIRGINIA.

IN WEST VIRGINIA..
A passenger conductor OF the
Chesapeake and Ohio railroad writes
to Hon. Fred o. Blue, state tax com.
missioner of West Virginia. as fol.
lows: II was doubtful, as was every.
body else, as to the effect such law
would have. | must confess that the
immediate effect has been almost be.
yond belief. We have now passed
several pay days and Saturdays, and
there has been absolutely no drinking
worth mentioning, and where | had to
endure personal risk in fist encounters
almost every week to secure order
from some drunks, | now handle even
larger crowds with comparative ease.
The women and children are now trav.
cling, partly on the money that was
spent for booze and partly because
they are not afraid TO travel. The re.
suits seem too good to last, but II all
the officers of the law keep after II,
see no reason why things shall not be
even better as time goes on. This Is
a pretty unqualified Endorsement for
a railroad conductor who has been up
against the world and a rough part
OF the world for 30 years, but ! feel
that the changed conditions war.
rant IT,"
The following was received from a
large coal operator Of the state:
Il never in my life saw such a great
improvement in the way OF behavior
and manly conduct as on the passenger
train of the Cabin Creek branch of the
Chesapeake and Ohio since whisky
ceased to be a merchandising PROPOSE.
tion in our state. Further, | notice
with great pleasure that large por.
tion Of our men who used to go out to
get whisky are now spending this
time with their families or at the Y.
NJ. c. A., and a portion of the money
which originally went for whisky is
now going toward the entertainment
of their families, which means untold
pleasures for the children"
Mr.. Blue concludes his report with
this statement: Such letters from
men in touch with the practical, every
day life speak with more convincing
power than anything can say"
The Fulton County news. [volume] (McConnellsburg, Pa.) 1899-current, 1915-01-28
ACCIDENTS DUE ro LIQUOR.

1T will not be long before the sa-
loon will be as much separated from
the industrial plant as 1t is now from
the church. As a matter of business
we will have to furnish workmcn bet
ter entertainment than saloons do.
We also will have to pay in cash to
prevent men from going to saloons to
convert their checks into currency.
Sixty per cent of industrial accidents
in the United States are due to Ii.
quor.'-L. r. Palmer, chief inspector
of the Pennsylvania department of la
Dor and industry, in an address before
the national congress of industrial
safety.
The Fulton County news. [volume] (McConnellsburg, Pa.) 1899-current, 1915-01-28
A Woman's Logic.

The following fable, which is prop
ably of Turkish origin, is not without
touch of truth: AS a woman was
walking, man looked at and follow I'd
her
why said she. do you follow
me?"
Because" he said, 81 have fallen in
love with YOU"
"Why so? My sister, who is coming
after me, is much handsomer than
am. Go and make love to her"
The man turned back, and saw
woman with an ugly face, and, being
greatly displeased, returned and said
why should you tell me false
hood?"
The woman answered Neither
did vou tell me the truth for, If you
were in love with me, why did you
look back for another woman?"-
The Pathfinder.
The Fulton County news. [volume] (McConnellsburg, Pa.) 1899-current, 1915-01-28

Sir Herbert Tree told a story OF his
own school days when presenting
prizes the other day at school
speech day.
"On one OCCASION" he said, my
teacher admonished me thus:
" Herbert, you will end your days
on the gallows
"One night, quite recently. when |
was acting Fagin in Oliver Twist, this
same teacher turned up and he hap
pened to come around to see me just
when ! was being led on with a rope
around my neck.
There, what did tell your he
said, triumphantly."
The Fulton County news. [volume] (McConnellsburg, Pa.) 1899-current, 1915-01-28
A BLESSING TO LABOR.

An authority on the labor question
makes this statement:
The wiping out of the liquor tratiiH .
will throw two thousand millions of
dollars annually into the legitimate
channels Of trade and industry. This
would take the entire output of every
factory now in existence and necessi-
tate the building of new factories. 1t
would give employment to every idle
person at increased wages. The bene.
fits thus accruing to labor would far
exceed the demands that labor is max
ing of capital If all these demands
were granted today"
The Fulton County news. [volume] (McConnellsburg, Pa.) 1899-current, 1915-01-28
Barney Knew.

Mr. Barney O'Keefe, sadly inebri.
ated, had wandered into a church
where a wedding WIGS in progress. I'm.
noticed he sank into back seat.
Presently the preacher asked the
usual question whether anyone pres
ent had any reason to give why the
ceremony should not be performed,
and O'Keefe arose with maudlin SOL
emnity.
1--WE nothin' ag'in 'em, yer i'iverlnce,
an no objection to make, but bein' as
I'm married mesilf | know they'll have
a rotten time"
The Fulton County news. [volume] (McConnellsburg, Pa.) 1899-current, 1915-01-28
Children Of Lara.r Growth.

Little Marion and her neXtdoor
neighbor, Donald, we're engaged in an
absorbing conversation.
who are these anarchist people?"
asked Marion.
Why returned the boy they
want everything everybody else has
got. and they never wash themselves. %
"Oh, see" replied the little miss,
great light dawning, they is the
little boys growed up!"-National
Monthly.
The Fulton County news. [volume] (McConnellsburg, Pa.) 1899-current, 1915-01-28
A Palace or a
a Hovel
BY
REV. WILLIAM WALLACE KETCHUM
Director d the Practical Wofk Course
Moody Bible Institute. Chicago

TE%T-For other foundation cen no
man lay than that which Is laid, which
Is Jesus Christ. But II any man buildeth
on the foundation gold, silver. costly
stones. wood hay, stubble; each mans
work shall be made manifest; for the day
shall declare 1t, because II Is revealed in
fire; and the fire itself shall prove each
mans work Of what sort II Is. II any
mans work shall abide which he built
thereon. he shall receive a reward. II
ANY mans work shall he burned, he shall
suffer loss: but he himself shall be
saved; yet so as through fire. Cor. 3:ll-
l5 Or. W.
The Fulton County news. [volume] (McConnellsburg, Pa.) 1899-current, 1915-01-28
TENDER SENSITIVE SKINS
Quickly Soothed by cutlcura. Moth.
ing Better. Trial Free.

Especially when preceded by hot
bath with Cuticura Soap. Many com
forting things these fragrant super
creamy emollients may do for the
skin, scalp, hair and hands and do 1t
quickly, effectively and economically.
Also for the toilet, bath and nursery.
Sample each free by mail with Book.
Address postcard, Cuticura, Dept. KY,
Boston. Sold everywhere.-Adv.
The Fulton County news. [volume] (McConnellsburg, Pa.) 1899-current, 1915-01-28

stones, and for
embellish m G n [,
precious gold and
silver; the other
a hov !, in to
which he is put.
ting the himsiest
material - wood,
hay, stubble. Both
W ork IN en- are
building side by
side upon the
same foundation.
At length the
two structures are
completed and the
builders rest from
their labors. Sud
hnnlY one hnY q
The Fulton County news. [volume] (McConnellsburg, Pa.) 1899-current, 1915-01-28
BLOT 1T OUT,

The manufacture and sale of liquor
Is responsible for:
Seventy-five per cent of our crimi-
nails.
Fifty per cent of the inmates of our
insane asylums.
Eighty per cent of the inmates of
our poorhouses
Ninety per cent of our tramps.
The destruction Of homes.
The corruption of voters.
Who is responsible for the saloon?
The Fulton County news. [volume] (McConnellsburg, Pa.) 1899-current, 1915-01-28
vocally Overwhelmed.

You say that man has no con.
science?"
WELL" replied Farmer Corntossel.
"mebbe | oughtn't to say that But
If he has one, 1t cant be much use to
him. They say conscience is still,
small voice, an the way he talks
would keep 1t drowned out all the
time"
The Fulton County news. [volume] (McConnellsburg, Pa.) 1899-current, 1915-01-28
SIDE oE QUESTION.

"The work of the sawmill," said
Rev. Charles Scanlan in a recent ad.
dress, increases the value of the raw
lumber; the product of the -four mill
is more valuable than raw wheat; but
ter is worth more than cream, but the
drunkard, who is the finished pro-
duct of the saloon, is of less value
than he was before liquor touched
him. The saloon destroys, but does
not create values"
The Fulton County news. [volume] (McConnellsburg, Pa.) 1899-current, 1915-01-28
No Motorist.

81 judge from what you say of your
financial condition, that you would
not worry If there were diamond
famine"
mo, and to emphasize my impe.
curiosity still further, wouldn't even
worry If there were a shortage OF
gasoline"
The Fulton County news. [volume] (McConnellsburg, Pa.) 1899-current, 1915-01-28
BuRlES THE DEVIL.

Abolishing the liquor traffic does not
kill the devil; but it puts him under
ground; it drives him into subways.
cellars and hidden pipes. When you
bury the devil, hoy has to hunt for
him; when you license the devil, he
hunts for the boy,-Clinton N. How
ard
The Fulton County news. [volume] (McConnellsburg, Pa.) 1899-current, 1915-01-28

"The real man rises above his handi-
cap"
81 rise before mine"
"Before?"
"Yes, she makes Inc get up and get
breakfast. New York American.
The Fulton County news. [volume] (McConnellsburg, Pa.) 1899-current, 1915-01-28
To Be Sure.

PA. what is the short and ugly
word?"
1T depends on the circumstances
son. A word that is pleasing ordinar-
lily can be quite transformed when
spoken by person who is in an ugly
mood"
The Fulton County news. [volume] (McConnellsburg, Pa.) 1899-current, 1915-01-28
WOMAN IN
BAD CONDITION
Restored To Health by Lydia
E. Pinkham's Vegeta-
bic Compound.
Montpelier, VT eve have great
faith in your remedies. was very ir-

regular ana was
tired and sleepy all
the time, would have
cold chills, and my
hands and feet would
bloat. My stomach
bothered me, | had
pain in my side and
a bad headache most
of the time. Lydia
E. Pinxham's Vege-
table Compound has
dona mo lofa of GOOD
The Fulton County news. [volume] (McConnellsburg, Pa.) 1899-current, 1915-01-28
Pitiless.

did Miss Howler sing with any
feeling?"
mot of pity for her audience. -
Boston Transcript.
The Fulton County news. [volume] (McConnellsburg, Pa.) 1899-current, 1915-01-28

Mr.. Biggs-But doesn't my devotion
arouse in you some sort of feeling for
me?
Miss Hitts-Oh, yes; the sort peo-
pie take sarsaparilla for in the spring
The Fulton County news. [volume] (McConnellsburg, Pa.) 1899-current, 1915-01-28
His Place.

THAT dancer is wall-eyed."
"Then introduce him to the wall,
flowers"
The Fulton County news. [volume] (McConnellsburg, Pa.) 1899-current, 1915-01-28

There is nothing so mean and hate.
full as one woman who refuses to tell
another woman a secret
The Fulton County news. [volume] (McConnellsburg, Pa.) 1899-current, 1915-01-28

YOUR OWN DRUGGIST WILL TELL YOU
Try Murine Eye Remedy for Red, Weak, watery
Eyes and Granulated Eyelids; No smartinE-
bV mail Free. Murine Eye Remedy Co. Chicago
The Fulton County news. [volume] (McConnellsburg, Pa.) 1899-current, 1915-01-28

girl isn't necessarily artful be-
cause she paints.
The Fulton County news. [volume] (McConnellsburg, Pa.) 1899-current, 1915-01-28

It's easy for a man to fool a woman
If she really wants him to-
The Fulton County news. [volume] (McConnellsburg, Pa.) 1899-current, 1915-01-28

Two workmen are building separate
structures. One is a palace of costly
The Fulton County news. [volume] (McConnellsburg, Pa.) 1899-current, 1915-01-28
An Honest Dependable NJ Medicine

1t must be admitted by every fair
minded, intelligent person, that medi-
cine could not live and growi in popularity
for nearly forty years, and to-day hold
record for thousands upon thousands
of actual cures, as has Lydia f. Pink
hams Vegetable Compound, without
possessing great virtue and actual
worth. Such medicines must be looked
upon and termed both standard and
dependable by every thinking person.
If you have the slightest doubt
that Lydia Il. Pinkham's Vegeta-
bic Compound will help yOu,writo
toLydia E.Pinkhnp MedicineCo.
(confidentiaD Lynn, Mass, for add
vice. Your lette- will be opened.
read and answered By q woman.
and held in strict confidence.
The Fulton County news. [volume] (McConnellsburg, Pa.) 1899-current, 1915-01-28
INTERNATIONAL
SUNlGS0[lOOL
LESSON
By +. O. SELLERS. Acting Director OF
Sunday School Course Moody Bible In
stitute, Chicago)
LESSON FOR JANUARY 81
THE BIRTH OF SAMSON.

LESSON TEXT-Judges 13:s-l6. 2i-2j.
GOLDEN TEXT-Beware. | pray thee.
and drink no wine nor strong drink
Judges 1874.
The Fulton County news. [volume] (McConnellsburg, Pa.) 1899-current, 1915-01-28

and now feel fine. am regular, my
stomach is better and my pains have all
left me. You can use my name II you
like. am proud Of what your reme-
dies have done for me" - Mrs. MARY
GAUTHIER, q Ridge St., Montpelier, VT
The Fulton County news. [volume] (McConnellsburg, Pa.) 1899-current, 1915-01-28
1f&El2AlaRE5452lsi5 1fEl2laRgEE4lLa
&E5S;aesp4BEylD11I1S &5;asp4B
RGEAA& 49,

Conducted by the National Woman's
Christian Temperance UnionD
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1915-12-03

or wears, under the best of treatment.
Its onset is gradual. as a rule, and
so 1t gradually disappears
When rest and suitable medical
treatment fail TO control the disease
after a reasonable trial, or when the
case is severe from the start, then the
question of surgical removal of q
portion of the thyroid gland arises.
AS this is major operation requiring
great skill and judgment we would
emphasize the Importance Of relying
upon the advice of the physician who
has observed and studied the indi-
Vidual case. in conjunction with the
advice of the surgeon whom he sug-
gests- One Of the most unfortunate
errors patients with exophthalmie
goitre make is running off to So
called "goitre specialist" and accept
ing his advice without the wise coun-
sci OF the family doctor AS already
explained, the general condition, and
not the condition of the thyroid gland.
must be the guide in determining what
is the best line Of treatment.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1915-12-03
PROSPEROUS TIMES.

There is every indication that the
american people will have more money
10 spend this Christmas than they
have had for a number OF years Re
ports gathered by the Associated Press
from every point Of the compass indi-
cate a mountaineering holiday bust
ness. How the republican brethren
will refnte this fact Is not known, In
fact, ut no time since the democratic
party assumed eontrai Of the des-
sinies d this country has there been
anything hike hard times. Before the
autbreaE Of the European war there
we're indications Of just such piping
siiaes of plenty IS are now being eS-
psrieneed The war naturally disor-
ganizeG business in this country. II
was the cause Of many men being
brown out Of employment by the
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1915-12-03

Is 600 men and II was sufficient There
waa a powerful and uggreseiVe eie-
ment In the north after AppomaioA
elamoriue for II war with England
There was continental clamnf for
our veteran army 10 invade ana cap
ture Canada During the war eohleds
crate cruisers. built in English snip
Yards and armed In English ARISEN
ala. had driven American commerce
from the seas and oceans OF the world.
Had a Napoleon or Frederick or
Roosevelt been In command al the
close of hostilities we would have been
plunged into war with England. Nor
ley says In his life OF Gladstone
THE treaty of Washington and the
Geneva arbitration stood out as the
most notable victory In the nineteenth
century of the noble art OF preventive
diplomacy. and the most signal exhibit
ton of self-eommand in two or three
of the great powers Of the western
world,
At Appomattox Grant stood on fame 3
topmost pinnacle. the foremost man
of all the world, but in the treaty OF
Washington he was greater than at
| Appomattox,
/ After Grant had served eight years
as president he made a trip around
the world. When In Paris be was in
vited to visit the giided tomb of Ma
poleon. He declined. saying he would
visit the tomb Of no general who had
won his fame in wars of conquest.
When Roosevelt visited Paris he cali
ed on the head Of the French army
! TO accompany him to the tomb of Ma
poleon. He stood there in the pres
ence of that gilded mausoleum with
uncovered head, paying tribute to the
man who murdered a million men in
useless battles.
| Edward A Steiner. who filled the
chair of Applied Christianity in Grin
nell college, Iowa, an author and stu
dent of political economy, says: The
kinship of humanity can do more for
peace and good will than all the ar
mics and navies of the world" Car
idinal Gibbons of Baltimore says:
God grant that the day is not far off
when the Prince Of Peace, God. viii
reign over the cabinets Of the nations.
over the kings. presidents, and settle
disputes not with standing armies but
by the international board OF arbitra-
ton; not by the sword, but by the
pen, for the pen is mightier than the
| sword"
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1915-12-03
FREE ADVERTISING AT ANY
PRICE.

Billy and Mike Fitzpatrick, writer's
Of popular and near popular songs,
read in the newspapers that Mrs Gait
future wife of President Wilson, was
tie descendant Of the Indian prin-
cess. Poeahontas, "An idea. said
Billy, or perhaps it was Mike At
any rate. they sat down and com
posed song about the "pale-faced
chief and his Indian squaw, etc"
This might make hit with the pres
ident,' said Billy, or maybe it was
Mike. Well, If it don't, a knock is
a boost when 1t comes from the pres
ident" says Mike. with a compre~
heuding wink. The president did not
like the song, He told Mr.. Tumulty.
his faithful secretary. 10 write to the
Messrs Fitzpatrick and request them
10 forget the song. in other words. as
q special favor to him not have itpub-
lished The Fitzpatrick were sorry.
but they had already given the ballad
90 the publishing house. 1t was too
late to withdraw it, also the profits
from the song doomed TOO big to per-
NIT It's being cast into the discard
Billy and Mike will no doubt reap q
big harvest from the royalties on the
ditty. This is a free country If any
one wishes to write a song about the
president and his bride, it's all right.
as long as the song will withstand
the censorious survey of the pestof-
fee department, says the Burlington
Gazette. OF course IT Is annoying to
the president The Fitzpatrick
would have been better citizens and
ut least showed themselves TO be gen
tlemen by foregoing the publication of
the song They may have gotten
some good publicity even out of this
fact that would have been profitable
to them. As II is the song Is rot. =
and as the Britishers say. the Fftz-
patrieks rank pretty close to being
"roeters II is TOO bad they carry
such decent name.