The Harrison times., 1915-01-09


Yes, the girls and men who work in
the correspondence department of my
concern have almost as much fun over
the letters that you send in and in
the answering of them, as if they were
sitting in a theater hearing the jokes
and funny songs. It's perpetual
comedy for them.
You sit at home, after a hard days
work, and write, with the greatest
sincerity and often trouble, letter
Of complaint to my house. You are
very serious about it. What would
you think, how humiliated you would
feel, if you could see your letter, writ
ten so carefully by you, passed around
for sneering comments and laughing
jests.
And one Of my nine-dollar.a-week
clerks will turn to his stenographer
and say: Send this kicker form 10
letter." And the stenographer will
take an imitation form letter, write
your name at the top and stamp the
name of one Of the bosses as the sig
nature, and mail it to you. The letter
will read something like this:
Dear Friend;
We are very sorry to note that you are
dlspleased with your last order We can
not understand how such q mistake has
occurred. We paid particular attention
to the shipment Of your order as we look
upon you as one Of our most valued GUS
toners.
/ will attend personally to your next
order and see that 1t Is put up in the very
best manner, We value your letters very
highly and look to hear from you with
pleasure
Hoping you are well and wishing you
the compliments Of the season, permit
me to sign myself
Yours most sincerely,
Signed; (Name Of the Boss)
Probably the boss Is away in Eu-
rope or somewhere else. You viii
note that the letter would apply to
anything, from the receipt Of can Of
decayed tomatoes to broken chair,
It's all "hot air" These letters don't
mean anything, The manner in which
we avoided sending a duplicate Of the
same letter to you when you sent in
the next kick, which we looked for
and expected, was in this way We
kept a big yellow envelope with all
Of your letters and correspondence,
orders, etc. in It, On the front Of
the letter was a memorandum Of the
form letters that had bcen sent you
For instance, when your next kick
was received the correspondent who
would got your letter would look on
the front Of the envelope and see that
you had been sent form 49, So he
would reply to this new kick with
form IA, which would read something
like this;
Dear Frlcnd
! have Just looked up your last order
and 0nd that IN the absence Of Mr. Blank
(thc boss that signed the other with a
rubber stamp az proxy who was un-
avoldnbly out Of the city when your or.
der came In, your order was filled by n
new employee. Just how the mistake oc.
currod we don't know, but | have dis
charged tho person who handled the or
der
We want you 10 fool satisfied that we
are trying 10 give you our very best sorry
ice ana II you have any further CONF
plants TO make write direct TO me- I
win give them my personal attention,
Send IN another order, os soon ag yoN
can, and | win see that II Is taken care
of
We are having nIoo weather horc and
hope you are having the same IN your 10.
calItN Write soon
Yourn faithfully
SIgncd' (AnoDhor Boas)
You as m individual hoyo no more
consideration IN my oGnoorn than q
postage stamp, You are a nonontIty
YOU arc only q yellow envelope with
a series Of marks donotng the NUN.
Der Of kicks you have sent in
But 0ottory goes a long ways You
must bo 00ttorod, you must be ca
iolod You must be given all and any
kinds Of promises but none Of them
will be kept Your money ia what we
want But / must try to make you
believe that you are n great friend,
that rood your letters personally and
answer them,
Dear Frlcnd=ft's all bunk For oy'
cry lettor sent you, full Of n0ttcry and
insInccro statements and lies, thcro
are thousands Of othora all over the
country who got exactly tho same lot.
tors I'll guarantee that many Of you
who read these confessions by mo
have read letter after letter written
by me and to which the name Of some
big boss was signed with q rubber
stamp, or perhaps somo little gum
chowmg Rlr signed thom with pon
and ink, writing tho boss name,
Think II over