South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1915-05-27
LARDNER'LL Be HERE
BUT WITHOUT PEACE"
Famous HumOriSt Scared to
Death" to Make a Speech,
He Declares.

Ring w. Lardner, Chicago Tribune
sport page humorist. formerly a South
Bend newspaper man. will be present
at the Press club dinner Saturday
evening but he won't speak no
peace" That is the gist of the mes
sage spread broadcast 10y Lardner in
his column, In the Wake of the
News" Thursday morning. Lardner
mas reasons" which are enumerated
below in his letter which we repro
duce, the usual copyright line having
been omitted from this gem.
The committees in charge called
attention TO the fact that the dinner
rs 10 be informal and that there will
pc absolutely no delay in the arrange
nents. the affair starting promptly at
S:3O O'Clock in the dining room
Here is Lardner's letter:
Chicago, May &c.
Friend Harvey just note to tell
you / wont be on the deck Sat. so If
theys some thing you want advice a
bout what to put i'm the sun paper
and so 4th. YOU better call up and
ask me tomorrow or Fri. or you cant
get me. and 1 hope you will get long
.. X. and that every thing will run
smoOthe vile I'm gone.
well Harvey 1 Will tell you wear am
going 10 be at and / bet you wisht
you was in my place. The day 1t
dident rain ] got a letter from the
Pres. of the Press news paper club
down to south Bend in Diana and the
club that he is Pres. of it all the
South bend news paper men belongs
to il and that's why its called the Press
club. may he you've herd the news
papers referred to is the Press and
that's wear the club got there name in
south Bend. we'll the Letter says the
club were going to give a banquitt on
the % and would / come down and
speak a peace and the banquitt would
be gave to divers hotel but not the
same oliver that was john de Longs
pal in the automobile club. so finely
wrote back a seeled letter to the
Pres. of the Club and says l would
be please TO come but not speak no
peace because 1 only spoke 4 peaces
sence I been out Of NJ. +. and 1 Of
them was in \. y. city TO a banquitt
that larry Mclean give to him self
to selibate getting suspend it off of the
Cinncinatti club and find 100000
dollars and no sense and his name is
pronounce like you'd rhine it with rain
and not the way them empires pro-
nounce 1t and my ID peace / spoke
at the smoker Of the illini Club last
Fall here in Chi and you was there
and herd it and that was the night
the vice Pres or some thing Of the
Tn. of H. give our paper such a
paning.
and the Sd. peace was down to ur-
bana at the Tn Of I'll. college Press
club and the 4th peace was spoke up
to the 40 clubs and these 4 peaces 1
spoke and they WaSent none of them
that what YOU could say brOt the
house down and besides / was SCARED
stiff and probily Effected my helth. So
that's why / says / wOuldnet speak no
peace down to South bend so as soon
as the Pres. Of the press Club red my
letter he stuck il in all the papers
that | would speak a peace and
guess he thinks / was only hiding
and want to be cokes but he guest
wrong this time and if you want to
make a lot of money YOU go out to
Jim Olearys or some where's and bet
I'm not going to speak no peace what
ever odds you can get.
I and the Pres. Of nortre Dam and |
sec Daniel some body Of the sec. OF
the L. $. Navy viii be amung those /
presents and this Daniel what ever
his last name is probily herd l was
cOmeing and agreed TO come and !
make a speech so as he could ask me
what 10 do in the case of war with |
europe versus the L. 5. and if ! was
him if they start it a war ] would |
take the navy and pertend like he was /
digust 1t and was going to hide near /
the north Pole and then l would cut |
acrOst by Greens land and them places /
and snOOp down or norway and /
Sweeten from the north and pound 1
them to peaces. The other countTys /
most Of them all ready is at war so
here looking for a tax but norway and |
Sweeten wOuldent be expecting moth
ing so there the cOuntTys we should |
ought TO strike the 1st blow Ia them.
Well harvey 1 will eat what they
give me and / don't know what are
they going to have 10 drink but if It's
only cOffey on acct. of the sec. of the
navy bean there may be / can slip |
down stares onct or twict and 1 mean
The cOffey you drink and not the fell
low that use TO play the out field for
South bend and pretty good hitter.
And I'm going to prObily drive over
lnlest it should happen to rain in
other words I'm. IrObily not going to
drive over there. Respy r.