davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1915-09-30
SO He TOOK THE CAT HOME
Man Is Awakened by a Meowins Cat
Just in Time to Escape
Train,

Zion City, ul.-When Theodore
Dwyer reached his home in Zion City
after a visit to an aunt in Covington,
KY, he carried a black cat under his
arm.
Most wonderful cat y'ever saw" ex-
planned Dwyer. 'Y'see | dreamed |
was in a barber shop. The BARRIERS
chair and the head rest were as hard
as a brick. And the barber was using
a huge shaving brush, almost a foot
square it seemed. And then the bar
ber's cat commenced meowing. 1t hol-
Tered SO loud it woke me up.
''Then | found the barber's chair
was a railroad tie. Instead Of a head
rest my head was resting on a rail.
This darned black cat was meowing
at the moon and rubbing her side
against my cheek. She woke me up.
grabbed her and jumped off the track
just es an express train Numbered by.
Scat | says, come along with me.
You've saved my life My aunt told
me l ought to bring her home and |
did. That was the closest shave / ever
had in my life aid this is the shaving
brush%
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1915-09-30
How the Fiqht Started.

A man went into a local hardware
store Saturday and said, 81 want to
buy a saw" relates the Cedarvale
County Liner. The merchant showed
him one and he said, How much is
it?" The merchant replied, $780,"
The customer said, II can buy the
same saw from Hoopempucky & Co.
for $1.35." Mr.. Hardware man said,
81 will sell you that saw at Hoopem.
pucky's terms" The customer gave
the merchant $1.35. "Now," the hard
ware man replied, "Give me twenty.
five cents for express charges, five
cents for money order and two cents
for a stamp" The customer forked
over the money. Mr.. Merchant hung
the saw back OF the hook and said,
Nov wait ten days until you get it,"
Kansas City Star.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1915-09-30
MERELY A SMALL MATER
Mr.. and Mrs. Geer Really Had No
Need to Worry-Their Precious
Car Was Safe.

About two O'Clock last night Mr.. and
Mrs. Hy Geer were awakened by a
mysterious noise.
"Listen!" said Hy. and they sat up
in the dark.
Somebody's breaking into the ga
rage" Mrs. Geer whispered.
III go and see," answered Hy.
In dressing gown and slippers he
stole out of the house and across the
lawn.
The garage doors were locked.
There was no sign of anything wrong.
He returned to the house and re-
ported.
81 wonder what it could have been,''
said Mrs. Geer. I'm sure | heard
something"
$50 did l." said Hy; "but the cars
all right"
They were almost asleep. when sud
denly Mrs. Geer reused with a start
Perhaps it isn't the car at ALL"
said she, Perhaps it's baby"
by George, | never thought OF
him!" replied Mr.. Geer.
They found that their six-month-old
sol had fallen out of his crib.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1915-09-30

healthy children since. For female trou-
blesI always take Lydia E. Pinkham's
Vegetable Compound and II works ike
a charm. lido all my own work. Mrs.
A. F. KREAMER, 1874 Electric Avenue.
Lackawanna, N. Y.
The success of Lydia E. Pinkham's
Vegetable Compound, made from roots
and herbs, is unparalleled. 1t may be
used with perfect confidence by women
who suffer from di~splacements, iniam-
nation, liberation, tumors, Irregularities,
periodic pains, backache, bearing-down
feeling, fatulency indigestion, dizziness,
or nervous ~prostration. Lydia E. Pink
hams Vegetable Compound is the stan
dard remedy for female ills.
Women who suffer from those dis
tressing ills peculiar to their sex should
be convinced of the ability of Lydia E.
Pinkham's Vegetable Compound to re-
store their health by the many genuine
and truthful testimonials we are con-
stantly publishing in the newspapers.
If you want special advice write to
Lydia E. Pinkham Medicine Co. (confl-
dentiaD Lynn, Mass. Your letter will
be opened, read and answered by a
woman and held in strict confidence.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1915-09-30
Sure of CONGREGATION.

A Scottish prison chaplain, recently
appointed entered one of the cells on
his first round of inspection and thus
addressed the prisoner who occupied
it.
We'll, my man, do you know who !
ann"
NO, nor l dinna care!" was the
~nonchalant reply.
We'll, I'm your new chaplain"
ooh, we are? Then | hae heard O.
we b~efore!"
And what did you hear?' returned
the chaplain, his curiosity getting the
better of his dignity.
well, l heard that the last twa
kinks We were in we preached them
bath empty; but l can say We wilma
find it quite sa easy to do the same
wi this one"
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1915-09-30

DoWISu 1cTndHu TITO tne rdTus
rool.5, n a bed chamber and the 9TH
err a kitchen. Those rendered uncon-
scious:
Mrs. Henry Gernand, Tallahassee,
Fla, professional vocalist, and sister
in-law of Preston Gernand; Preston
Gernand, owner of the property. Mrs.
Preston Gernand was stunned:
Two hours after the bolt had struck
the home the entire family had fully
recovered from the shock. The Light
ming did not fire the residence.
The lightning struck the chimney
Of the Gernand home, passed through
the bedroom Of the three Gernand
children, burning the bed clothing and
rendering the children s%peechless.
From the bed chamber the bolt
passed through the floor into the
kitchen. There Mrs. Gernand and her
sister-inlaw, Mrs. Harry Gernand,
were seated waiting for the storm to
pass over. On the outside of the build
ing sat Gernand on a chair. The light
ming extinguished the light, knocked
the two women to the kitchen floor
and bowled Gernand from his chair
into the back yard half a dozen feet
away, where he lay unconscious.
Mrs. Gernand recovered and lighted
a lamp. Her sister-in-law was uncon-
scious, and she found her husband
lying on the ground in the yard. Mrs.
Gernand summoned a farm hand and
sent him for a physician several miles
away. The family had partly recoy'
cred whensthe physician arrived.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1915-09-30

"Of course" said Mr.. Conger, Il do not maintain that the ink adds to the
delectable flavor Of the ham. But neither does the champagne. would not
advise epicures to drink the ink in which the ham is cooked. But / will eat
the ham cooked in the ink to prove that no part Of the ink substance is abb
sorbed by the ham in cooking, and that the man who has been jonying him.
self with the idea that he obtains a champagne flavor from ham cooked in
champagne is merely working his imagination overtime and ought to be a
war correspondent and not a chef or bon viyant"
At FIVE o'clock the hams we're cut and about seventyfve persons present
partook of the meat. nobody knowing which he ate. The advocate of the
champagne-cookedh ham was asked to pass judgment. He insisted he could
taste a bare flavor of champagne, but admitted that he had not tasted ink.
So he decided for himself, and Professor Noack handed Mr.. Conger a bill
for eight quarts of champagne under the terms of the wager.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1915-09-30

ing of sites for summer homes for as many as 80 years for merely nominal
rentals. This arrangement, which went into effect last spring, makes worth
while the erection Of substantial improvements. and has already greatly in.
creased the number Of persons soounng in the forest, in the summer
season. In many of the forests applications to lease fveacre tracts are pour
ing in, and dwellings from simple log cabins to pretentous homes are
springing up in mountain gens and by river banks and lake shore.
In order to determine just what the forests present in the way Of at
tracuve sites for summer homes and facilities for boating, bathing, fishing,
mountain climbing and other outing activities, the forest service is now
making a recreatonal survey of the domains over which 1t has control and
will list and publish the data Is rapidly as possible. Now, it is realized,
most of the applicants for cottage sites arr persons who happen to be ia
miiar with the forests When the data now being collected are available,
however. ctybound souls who long for the woods but have neither the
means nor the time to make long searches for satisfactory sites will be able
to choose just about what they wish without stirring from their doors.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1915-09-30
Good News for HUNGRY Man.


They had been settled in their spick
and span new home just n week.
and on the Saturday Reginald rushed
home eagerly from his Office.
Ermentrude met him on the door
step. her face wreathed in smiles.
"Oh, ducksey,' she gurgled, "wifey
has made you something awfully nice
and special for your dinner today!
Guess!'
Reginald, who liked good things to
eat, reeled off a list of about fifty of
his favorite dishes. Then he paused
in dismay. His precious Ernie was
weeping.
"W-w-hat's the matter?" he gasped.
"O-o.oh!" she sobbed, as she threw
herself on his neck. my h-h-heart is
broken. IL thought you'd g-guess
straight off that I'd m-m-made some
b-b-butterscotch?"
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1915-09-30
LITTLE JOLT FOR SHERIFF
Negro Rootlegger Tells Court He
Thought All His Customers
Were Nice Men.

Hattiesburg, Miss.-Following Sher-
If Harbison's secret trip through the
questionable parts Of Hattiesburg, get
ting evidence against blind tigers"
and "b~ootleggers," he took n of them
into court. The accused at first de-
MED his guilt.
Then he was told that the man in
a suit Of overalls, wearing a cheap
hat he had sold some dollar-a-pint
whisky, was none other than The sher-
if Of Forrest county.
did you know" the Judge asked,
that you YER selling liquor to the
sheriff."
No. sir. ah didn't frankly admit
ter the prisoner. "Ah thought all dem
men were nice men,
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1915-09-30
somethlna to Hold Him To.

Always be the same as you are
now" he whispered to her tenderly,
"and it is all l ask, my dearest one"
"And IL l am you will always love
me?" she said quietly.
YES" he answered, always"
She looked beyond him-into space.
Only she knew that ere long she would
be quite different, for she was grow
ing stout!
Then she smiled into his face. "And
the mor you see of me the greater
will be your love, will it not?" she
asked.
Yes" he answered, I swear i'll"
And thus she was comforted.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1915-09-30

! kept getting worse. My limbs from
my ankles to my knees swelled and
my eyes SO swollen that 1
couldn't see. AS a last hope / thought
! would give Dodd's Kidney Pills a
trial. gradually improved and kept
on taking them and they cured me
thoroughly"
Dodd's Kidney Pills, SOC per box at
your dealer or Dodd's Medicine Co.,
Buffalo, N. Y. Dodd's Dyspepsia Tab
let's for Indigestion have been proved.
SOC per box.-Adv.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1915-09-30

John D. Rockefeller tells this story
on himself:
"Golfng M bright winter day. l
had for caddie a boy who didn't know
me. An unfortunate stroke landed me
in a clump Of high grass.
MY, my.' | said. What am ! to
do now?
See that there tree said the boy.
pointing to a tall tree a mile away.
Well. drive straight for that
Il lofted vigorously. and. fortunate
ly, my ball scared up into the air, it
landed, and it rolled right on to the
putting green.
Flows that. my boy?' l cried.
Gee, boss. he said, If l had your
strength and you had my brains, what
a pair we'd make!'"-Tit-Bits.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1915-09-30
LETS LAWYERS BATTLE ON
Judge AdIourns Court While Attor-
neys Fight, Then Resumes Hearing
of the Case.

Hammond, Ind.-A garnishee case
resolved itself into a fistic encounter
in Judge Relland's court at Indiana
Harbor recently, when L. w. Sarlc
and Marcus Herschccvltz, lawyers,
passed the lie.
The court refused to call time. In
fact, Judge Reiland adjourned court
to give the belligerents all the time
they wanted. They took ton minutes
and Their an armistice was declared
and Judge Reiland went on with the
trial Of the case.
Saric looked as though he had
fought with a bearcat,
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1915-09-30
Atthe WRONG place.

Did you hear that there was a man.
eating shark discovered in the harbor
yesterday breathlessly asked the
summer girl.
Well, there's N good thing about
It, he'll die of starvation" said the
second summer girl
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1915-09-30
SOME QUEER STUNTS
DONE BY LIGHTNING
Drives Nails Bowls Over Men,
Makes Children Speeches.
and Burns Clothes.

Frederick, Md.-Three persons lost
their speech for a quarter Of an hour.
two were knocked unconscious and
n was stunned early the other morn-
ing when a bolt of lightning struck
the home of Preston Gernand. Myers
vile. this county.
The same bolt burned holes in bed
clothing, drove nails in the kitchen
cabinet as neatly as If they had been
driven with a hammer and completely
demolished the furnishings of two
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1915-09-30
Would Be Worth While,

Two Irishmen were walking into
Dublin from n Of the outlying vii
lagos and fell to discussing the war
and the consequent increase in the
cost of living.
But have ye heard the latest
news?' says Tim.
NO" says Pat. "Phwat is it?"
There's a penny off the loaf"
"Bedad," said Pat. Il hope it'ssoft
the penny ones
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1915-09-30
ONLY A FEW PIMPLEs
But Many More May Come If You
Neglect Them. Try cutieura Free.

Cuticura Soap and Ointment are
most effective in clearing the skin of
pimples, blackheads, redness, rough
ness, itching and irritation as well as
freeing the scalp of dandruff, dryness
and itching, besides satisfying every
want of the toilet and nursery.
Sample each free by mail with'Book.
Address postcard, Cuticura, Dept. Y,
Boston. Sold eyerywhere.-Adv.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1915-09-30
No Identification.

"You don't remember me, do you?
l met you at the seashore."
That's strange. don't see to
recall you"
why, l gave you a ring to remem
Der me by"
Let me see, which ring was it,"
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1915-09-30
Power F~ersonifed.

THE moment a woman gets a mop
or a broom in her hands she assumes
an attitude of conscious power"
The old-fashioned woman did, but
you ought to e one of these modern
sisters when she gets a gavel in her
hands"
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1915-09-30

encourage the out-of-doors movement
than in any other equal period Of time.
First came the bid for a greater recre-
ational use Of the national forests,
and now the general land office has
completed a sale, without precedent,
of sites especially for villas on the
banks of the beautiful Flathead lake
in Montana.
To attract larger numbers of va
%cationists to the vast forests owned by
the government, the forest service Sc.
cured legislation that permits the leas-
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1915-09-30

have been blessed
with good health ever
since my cure. When
the doctors pronoun-
ced my case Bright's
Disease l was in such
a serious condition
that they u not
do opyfhino Gov mn
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1915-09-30

p~osIuuHSleT here. Inc Slue
Of the gastronomic argument was
taken by Tony" Richardson, a local
real estate man.
The other day an experiment took
place at "Shoemakers," retreat Of
statesmen, artists, publicists, and lit
erary lights. Prof. Gus Noack, ana
lytical chemist. was called in as Ok
pert. Eight quarts of each liquid were
used. Mr.. Noack arranged the gas
stove and made sure that the ink man
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1915-09-30

could not stand on
my feet My sister
in-law wished me to
try Lydia E. Pink
hams Vegetable
Compound and my
nerves became firm,
appetite good, step
elastic, and ! lost
that weak, tired
feeling. That was
six years ago and l
have had three fine
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1915-09-30

the excavation for the new home OF
the interior department.
The assistant secretary didn't pick
up a shovel and turn a bit of earth in
the old-fashioned way. Instead Mr..
Newton, who was clad in a Palm Beach
suit and a spotless pair Of canvas
shoes, climbed aboard the high plat
form Of a huge and greasy steam
shovel and pulled a wire which
dropped several hundred pounds OF
dirt into a waiting wagon.
He was photographed in the midst
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1915-09-30
To Drive Out Malaria
And Build In The system

Take the Old Standard GROVES
TASTELESS chill TONIC. You know
what you are taking, as the formula is
printed on every label, showing it is
Quinine and Iron in a t~asteless form. The
Quinine drives out malaria, the Iron
builds up the system. so cents. Adv.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1915-09-30
Fiction.

What kind of fiction does Fleecer
writer"
Mainly promissory notes and |. o.
US"
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1915-09-30

But it is human nature to desire to
be equal to your superiors and supe-
rior to your equals.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1915-09-30
The Genial Adviser.

.who's the man with no raincoat,
umbrella Or %rubbersY'
.Tbat's Shocks, the celebrated writ
or on preparedness"- New York
Mali.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1915-09-30
Year After Year.

They can't fool all the people all
the time"
But the summer hotel proprietor
manages to stick US for two weeks Of
it,"
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1915-09-30
some Difference.

Now, dis am de question, pahsun,"
stated Brother Shinpaw. when de
millinnium comes will folks quit work
ing?"
mo. sahi" replied sage old Parson
Bagster. "Dey will quit bein' worked"
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1915-09-30
Not True to Mature.

Young Spooner-Dont you think
this picture looks Ike your sister?
Little Bob-Nahi 1t Just looks like
her when she !, havin her picture
taken.-Kansas City Star.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1915-09-30
erlendIx Advice.
"And here Is BOY pholograph."

"And here Is my p~hOtVBfapH'
Nov, grille" said the reporter, y
have described you as lovely. graceful
and beautiful. Why take a chance at
snoiling It all by printing a photo
graph"
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1915-09-30
Naturally.

His wife suspects that he lives a
double life"
$50 she is naturally anxious to find
out how the other half lives"
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1915-09-30
CURED OF BRIeHr's DISEASE.

Mrs. A. L. Crawford, Medfield,
Mass, writes: "Dodd's Kidney Pills
cured me of Bright's Disease, and l
am healthy and strong to-day and
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1915-09-30
Uncle Sam Promotes the Out-of- Door Movement

A REALIZATION that the members of his big family should be encouraged
"A to live more in the open air seems to have come suddenly to Uncle Sam,
for he has done more, perhaps. in the past twelve months to stimulate and
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1915-09-30
The Limit.

How do you stand the heat?"
Much better than l can stand the
man who insists on talking about It,"
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1915-09-30

Lawyers are the people who work
with a will after doctors go ahead and
prepare the way.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1915-09-30

of this hazardous task and when he cambered down 1t was ascertained
10 bad moved about the greasy interior Of the big steam shovel without get
ting 81 much as a speck on HIS suit or shoes
The building. when complete. win cost approximately 100000. which
is more than a harmfnon under the limit set by congress. 1t will house all
branches Of the interior department and will be a magnificent eightstory
structure. M
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1915-09-30

Every young man thinks he a
sing, which goes far toward explaining
the college glee club.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1915-09-30

A mar who is deaf to other sounds
can nearly always hear the rustic Of a
petticoat.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1915-09-30

Many men find it difficult to live up
to the reputation acquired by making
one chance hit,
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1915-09-30

Lots Of girls put on airs, even the
air of innocence.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1915-09-30

The Philippines yearly import 20,
100000 pounds of salt.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1915-09-30

One may escape danger by forth
tude.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1915-09-30
Feast on Ham Cooked in Ink to Settle Dispute

b OR four years two prominent Washington men have quarreed over the
= question whether a ham cooked in ink Is better than one cooked in
The champion of the inkcooked ham is Frank Conger, former
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1915-09-30

An ugly baby is something no moth.
err even possessed.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1915-09-30

Some men are cranks and some are
s~elf-starters.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1915-09-30

A woman eats when she has
anything else to do.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1915-09-30
Newton, in Spotess Attire, Runs Steam Shovel

= HE modern way Of breaking ground for the construction Of a govern.
ment building a shown at Eighteenth and F streets when Byron r.
Newton, assistant secretary of the treasury. ohfciated at the beginning Of
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1915-09-30

In union there is strengthg-so a
meek and lowly man with a strenuous
wife says.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1915-09-30

Every man has his besettIng sin.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1915-09-30

Somehow the market always seems
10 be open for the other fellows ideas.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1915-09-30
WAS MISERABLE
COULDN'T STAND
Testifies She Was Restored
to Health by Lydia E.
Pinkham's Vegetable
Compound.
compound.

Lackawanna, N. N-"After my first
child was born l felt very miserable and
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1915-09-30

Success naturally attracts envy.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1915-09-30

important TO Mothers
Examine carefully every bottle OF
CASTORIA, a safe and sure remedy for
infants and children, and see that 1t
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1915-09-30

Son was showing the old folk from
up country through the financial dis
trict.
The street we just passed is Cedar
and this is Pine" said the son guide.
You see, everybody wants to knock
wood before he reaches Wall street"