The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1915-08-01
Longest Way Round Is the Best Way to Go
To the San Francisco Exposition and Back
Suggested Looks Like Ground Plan Of Piece P with the tmu Of Pam
Long Pom- Little More but You Get Your Moneys WORTH
Writer WhoKn

people have said so in her hearing and
she believed them.
Ten minutes after / met her she con-
| fded to me that she had been operated
on for appendicitis. doubtless to i'm
press on me how fashionable she was.
+, That's not what was the matter with
! Cutie" though The doctors Numbered:
The trouble lay in another place. They
should have operated on the back of her
head.
] Still. she is the belle Of the ship. Her
clothes alone enritle her to that distinc-
ton. and then she certainly has a strik-
ingly pretty face even il il is built on a
rather stingy scale.
| Also she has cultivated a figure and
pose that are fashionab BILE in the extreme
It's mostly extreme. too. The nurse girl.
who / suspect Is little jealous Of
| Cutis's' raiment. says that this pose
was the right thing six months ago, but
that now her sovenly SLOUGH is as much
out of date as day before yesterday. Also
that Cutie" is six months behind In
everything except intelligence. and IN
that respect she is sixteen years behind.
That's cruel. for Muriel is only 10.
When / first saw her in all her glory
on deck as we pulled away from the
| dock. that highly-cultivated figure Of
| hers looked like A letter that hadn't
| enjoyed very robust health.
! BY the time we had reached the Wind
ward passage she had a figure and color
! Ing that looked like a wilted string
bean. One would say that it was suf-
fering from falling OF the curves.
Elias P is our prize goat. He comes
from Western New York State, and
that's the trouble. He came.
He is short. pompous. fat. baldheaded.
with soggly. fishy eyes that pop at YOU
over his spectaCles and he has a bisCer
stock of transformation than any other
human being alive. It's elephantiasis
of the head He is a. ways telling some
| thing and making a bull OF it. and he
begins by always assuring you
He asked where my deck chair was. I
said. Over there"
All" he replied. Il assure you that
nautical terms are always used on ship
. board. That part Of the boat is the star
board hindquarter.'
As we swung south from Sandy Hook.
few passengers through their glasses
saw a sullen-looking English warship,
| lazily rolling with the swell and keeping
grim watch. But Old General Assur-
ance-as ! call him-did not see her.
He did see. however. family lined
against the horizon four coal barges.
wallowing up to Boston. These he point
ed out to me the blockading English
squadron patrolins the sea in search
OF mythical German cruisers or escaping
German merchantmen
II assure you their precautions are
remarkable. Observe, no smokestacks
and no smoke. Oil fuel. sir. smoke
less oil. And those masts''-indicatins
the derricks-''are the observation con-
ming towers and for the wireless. Won
derful perfection. That small ship
ahead"-it was a tugboat towing the
barges-''is probably a scout boat. A
destroyer. I infer
And so this old windbac goes or al.
day long. furnishing laughs that don't
skid. Those who can stand his yam
ping egg him on, but the ajoritv DC
scribe him as "a bigger bore that the
Hoosac tunnel" AS said, call lin
General Assurance. When told Bessie.
the nurse. this. she said:
II think you went too far. You are
too generous with his name. It doesn't
require nearly many letters. If YOU
had stopped at the first three it would
be much more appropriate"
Bessie knows a thing or two.
Then there is Buck. He is also a
star. Buck is regular two-fsted
man. He doesn't sit on the floor to put
on his shoes. He was born in Oregon and
brought up on the Bowery. He always
says that he comes from the Pacific
slope and then raises his eyes heaven
ward Buck has been. in the course of
a varied career. bartender and a book
maker and is now bound for the Pa
Ciic slope" to gather in some kale," as
he puts it. He says there's bale of IL
waiting for any guy that knows how &c
tic it up.
He is what is known as wise guy"
And by the same token Bessie is wise
cazabo." or Eazabess rather as she is
thoroughly heskirted. and can understand
Bucks slang without a glossary. Bessie
also smokes cica rettes, when people from
the home town" and stewards are not
looking. and downs a highhall in three
swallows.
Buck. however. has never been TO sea
before Soon after We had got down to
where the flying fish are Buck came to
sparrows flying round front the boat
for"
They're fish"
Fish. Say, do the CLAIMS crow down
here
Alfred is Bucks opposite. He is taking
the trin for his health's benefit and pos
sihy it's going to he at the expense of
ours. He is serious as the plume on a
hcarse and Eumor is not on his visiting
list In addition TO his melancholy. he has
q monocle, an accent that's more English
than the Englishman's. and a super-re-
fined voice that's not much more than an
overgrown whisper II he ever laughs
I'll bet II Will upset him and make his
pulse beat so hard it will stop his wrist
watch. OF course he always wears one.
He would feel undressed without it.
Alfred makes no pretense at intelligence
above proof or to being overturned with
but he can say nothing in at
least seven different languages. Any
thing that he doesn't know Of approve
Of care for is "dreadfully middle
class"
THE only objection to clean travelling"
he said. lis that one is thrown in close
P association with everybody on board. and
many of them are sure to be dreadfully
middle class" This was an GRAFTON for
him.
Buck Is inclined to turn his nose up
AT Alfred. No. he couldn't do that II
couldn't turn up any more than 1t does
II It did he would have to hold his hand
over it when it rained to keep the water
put.