Honolulu star-bulletin. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu, Hawaii]) 1912-2010, 1915-08-16
BattleShips With Concaye Sides
and Mirrors Also Suggested
as Means for Defense

land, probably due TO the fact that
two OF her new ensigns come from the
Paradise CT the Pacific" one OF the
brilliant machinist's mates on board,
after digesting many of the adyen.
lures of Craig Kennedy and consum-
ing countless Fatima cigarettes has
evolved many plans for her defense.
At first he was reluctant to part with
his ideas, but promising him a years
subscription TO whatever magazine
contains the adventures Of Craig Ken.
nedy and dozen boxes of Fatimas,
he disclosed the following plans.
rMy plans" ne said, carefully
thumbing the place in his book, where
he was reading of Kennedy's latest
exploit, that OF saving the Maharajah
OF Swat from being poisoned by dis
covering that his tea came from Island
Ct BOlopango, where his fathers enc
my dwelt, my plans are the careful
appl. cation of scientific principles and
! cannot imagine why someone has
not used them before, they are SO
simple. Briefly, they are as follows:
First, would build all our bat
tleships with concave sides, and in
stead OF painting them the usual war
color | would have their sides very
highly polished, so that they would
be perfect mirrors The reason for
this would soon be apparent. The
concave Inirrers, as the sides would
be, would cast an image of the enc
my's Ships somewhere to the right and
front OF our ships. when we were at
the proper angle. There would be the
image of the enemy's own ships and
they would imagine our ships we're at
the various focal points. Not. only
would they be wasting their ammuni-
ton, but just imagine the effect on a
crack gun crew IL they would seem
TO be hitting what appears to be a
target and not doing any damage to
it. They would become panic strick.
en- and shoot all over the ocean.
II would also carry this plan into
effect at night by simply getting a
sufficient quantity Of phosphorus and
placing 1t around all the various is
lands or the group, always keeping a /
sufficient supply at Pearl Harbor to
allow this to be replenished at inter-
walls. At night the waters so polluted j
with phosphorus would become highly
phosphorescent and this phosphores-
cence would act the same as il the
sun was shining.
An additional plan I have to aid i
in this deception as to our actual DO.
sition is this: / would hire Matthew /
son, Coombs, Walsh and Wood and
probably four or five others of the
best baseball pitchers living. These
men would detail at the various
training stations. You know, to pitch
either an tout" or .'in" curve 1t is
necessary to impart a certain rotary
motion to the ball should estab
fish the rating of shellmen and pow
dermen and have these men trained
by these crack pitchers to imparte the
necessary rotary motion to the shell
md powder as It is loaded into our
guns. These curves break sharply,
and in the same manner, a shell fired
with the necessary rotating impulse
would go straight until it was about
abreast of the enemy's ships and then
break" suddenly and come at them
from the side The enemy couldn't
tell where the shots were coming from
and that would soon mean complete
Here Hank Kello paused long
enough to light another Fatima, and
after few puffs. continued:
One of my other plans would dol
away with the necessity of planting1
mines all around the various harbors.
Instead of mines | would plant gigan-i
lie exhaust blowers all around, plac
ng them in large squares. Let us i'm
,gine for an instant that the enemy
comes within the radius of one OF
.hese plants. At given signal all the
exhaust fans in the neighborhood arel
let off full blast. This naturally
would make large hole ON the sur
ace of the ocean. Not only that, but
{ would also create a vacuum. 1t is
i well known physical fact that water
vill follow the point Of least pressure,
n other words, all the surrounding
water would tend to fill in this hole in
he water The force behind it would
20 so great that it would be impos-
'ible for the enemy's ships to with. !
lraw from the whirlpool and they
would irresistibly be dragged into this
lole.
in view of the recent discussions
bout submarines, i have not neglect
ID that important point in my plans.
first, would employ DR.. Hprnaday,
he curator of the New York Zoo, and
ogether with Burbank, have him de.
Ielop hybrid whale, combination
Il whale and ostrich, an 'ostriwhale' ,
would call it. / would only use the ,
ong neck of the ostrich and have the !
lybrid so bred that this neck would ,
ppear on the snout of the whole in +,
he same manner as the horn on the
Inicorn. This naturally would assume
he dark gray color of the whale, and
very time school of these whales
anne up to blow the enemy would
imagine it was fleet of submarines
nd flee with all possible haste from
hat vicinity. By breeding sufficient
numbers Of these ostriwhales ! would ]
ave them all around the islands and
noltra r,.,,. co fnfv !