South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1915-01-23
Statesmen Real
and Near.
By Fred c. Kelly

WASHINGTON, Jan. 2S.-Only Bill
Kettner would have thought of the
scheme that this little story is going
TO tell about. Bill is member OF
congress from San Diego, Calf, but
before that he was a life insurance
agent. He was a successful life in
Surance man. too. we are assured,
and though naturally OF a cheerful
disposition made great deal OF
money by dispensing large quantities
of gloom. Whenever he met man
who wore the pink flush of robust
health upon his cheek, Bill would be-
gin to talk of the uncertainty of life.
Soon he would nave that healthy man
so apprehensive lest he die ere night
fall. that he would hasten to take cut
more insurance.
Then Bill went into politics, and
this last fall he got something like
5000 democratic plurality in what was
ordinarily a strongly republican dis
trict.
Now we come to the sample in
stance of Bills resourcefulness. He
made a speech a while ago that he
desired certain republicans in his
district to read. There were about
six or seven persons in particular
that he wanted to have read the
speech all through-every word of it.
He knew we'll enough that if he mere
~ mailed it TO them, in the usual
manner, they would glance at it just
long enough to see whose speech il
was and then throw it into the waste
basket. So the situation requiT ed
strategy. After a great deal OF
thought, Bill sat down and dictated
letters TO go with each speech, some
what as follows:
MY dear sir trust you will par
don me for mentioning your name in
q. speech which 1 recently delivered
in the house. but / thought the oc-
caSion was one where it was only
proper to give credit where credit is
due. 1 hope you will take the refer
ence in the speech to yourself in the
same spirit that prompted II. l am
inclosing a copy of the speech"
In the course of events, Kettner
got a reply to each one of these let
tiers. All read substantially as follows:
II do not understand your recent
letter accompanying copy of your
speech. L have read the speech clear
through twice and do not find any
reference in it TO me-"
THE point is" Bill wrote back,
mot so much that you didn't ind any
reference to yourself as that You
read the speech. 1 was very anxious
that you should read it. And do you
not agree with me that taken as a
whole it was a most excellent
speech?'
J. d. Post is a member of con-
gress from Washington Court House,
O.-often referred to by facetiOus per-
sons as Washington Clothes Horse.
He will retire from office on March. 4.
The other day, noting the rapid ap-
proach of that date, he began to make
comparisons of Washington, ID. c.,
AMI Washington c. II.
"In many respects" remarked Post,
Il like it here much better than l do
our washington back home. But the
thing that appeals TO me most of all
is the clean streets. When / return
home I'll have to shine my shoes
every day. Here. 1 don't have to
shine them more than once week.
Actors who appear in Washington
playhouses are always greatly pleased
when either Chief Justice White or
Speaker Clark is among those pres
ent. Each of these is an 'awfully
good audience" as the players eX-
press il. If the play is a comedy,
TIE chief justice of the supreme
court relaxes and his face is study.
1t definitely registers the exact de-
gree of fun lac is deriving from the
piece. The comedian who keeps one
eve on the chief justice can tell just
how his lines are getting across All
this applies also, says the actor folk,
TO Champ Clark. The speaker rarely
laughs out loud. no matter what the
occasion but gets funny little
amused satisfied expression on his
face that is an inspiration.
Downright. 1915. by Fred c. kelly)