davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1915-06-25
and 1t Was.

we could, in the hope that she would
faint with surprise and stop playing,
but no such luck.
She tied couple of chords together
and swung that piano like pair of
Indian clubs.
First she did my Old Kentucky
Home" with variations, until every
Hbody who had home began to weep
for fear it might get to be like her
Kentucky home.
The variations were where she made
mistake and struck the right note
Then GIadiola moved up to the
squeaky end of the piano and gave an
imitation of Swiss music box.
1t sounded to me like a Swiss
cheese.
Presently Gladiola ran out of raw
material and subsidized, while we all
applauded her with our fingers crossed,
and two very thoughtful ladies began
to talk fast to Gladiola so as to take
her mind off the piano.
This excitement was followed by
another catastrophe named Minnehaha
Jones, who picked up couple of So
prano songs and screeched them at
us.
Minnehaha is one of those fearless
singers who vocalize without a safety
valve. She always keeps her eyes
closed, so she can't tell just when her
audience gets up and leaves the room.
The next treat was mixed duet on
the flute and trombone between Clar-
ence Smith and Lancelot Diffenberger,
with violin obligato on the side by
Hector Tompkins.
Never before have seen music so
roughly handled.
It looked like a walk-oVer for Clar-
ence. but in the fifth round he blew a
couple of green notes and Lancelot got
the decision.
Then, for consolation Prize, Hec-
tor led out in the middle of the room,
where he assassinated Mascagni's
"Cavalleria Rusticana" so thoroughly
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1915-06-25
John Henry Has a Musical

! flowers we were ali invited to listen to
soprano solo by Miss Imogene Glass
face.
When Imogene sings she makes
faces at herself. When she needs a
high note she goes after it like hen
after ladybug. Imogene sang Sleep,
Sweetly Sleep and then kept US
awake with her voice.
Then we had Rufus Kellar Smith,
the parlor prestidigftator Rufus was
a bad boy.
He cooked an omelet in a silk hat
and when he handed the hat back to
Hep Hardy two poached eggs fell out
and cuddled up in Helps hair.
Rufus apologized and said he'd do
the trick over again if someone would
lend him hat, but nothing doing. We
all preferred our eggs boiled.
Then we had Claribel Montrose in
select recitations. She was all the
money.
Claribel grabbed '"The Wreck of the
Hesperus" between her pearly teeth
and shook it to death. Then she got
half,Nelson on Poe's Raven" and
put it out of business.
Next she tried an imitation Of the
balcony scene from Romeo and
Juliet" If Juliet talked like that dame
did no wonder she took poison.
Then Claribel let down her back hair
and started in to give us mad scene
and it was. Everybody in the room
got mad.
When peace was finally restored,
Mrs rockingham informed us that
| the rest of the paid" talent had disap-
pointed her and she'd have to depend
on the volunteers. Then she whispered
to Miss Gladiola Hungerschnitz, where
upon that young lady giggled her way
over to the piano and began to knock
| it's teeth out.
The way Gladiola went after one of
Beethcven's sonatas and slapped its
ears was pitiful.
Gladiola learned to injure piano at
a conservatory of music. She can take
Hungarian rhapsody and turn it into
a goulash in about 80 bars.
At the finish of the sonata we all
app1auded Gladiola just as loudly as
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1915-06-25

that it will never be able 20 enter &
f1fty-cent table d'hote restaurant again,
Almost before the audience had
time to recover Peaches sister, Jen.
ME, was coaxed to sing Tosti's Good
By!'
I'm very fond of sister Jennie, but
I'm afraid if Mr.. Tosti ever heard her
sing his "Good-by" he would say, THE
same to you, and here's your hat
Before Jennie married and moved
West remember she had very pretty
mezzo-concertina voice, but she's been
so long away helping Stub Wilson to
make Milwaukee famous that now
adays her top notes sound like a
cuckoo clock after it's been up all
night.
/ suppose it's wrong for me to pull
this about our own flesh and blood,
but when married woman with six
fine children, one of them at Yale,
walks sideways up to piano and be-
gins to squeak, ''Good-by, summer!
Good-by, SUMMER just as if she were
calling the dachshund in to dinner,
think it's time she declined the nomi
nation.
Then Bud Hawley, after figuring ii
all out that there was no chance of his
getting arrested, sat down on the
piano stool and made few sad re
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1915-06-25
Dangerous Revenge.

VERY little talk is heard among the
allies now about debating terms OF
peace in Berlin" said Representative
Bartholdt at German-American ban
quet in Chicago.
THE allies realize that to get to
Berlin would be as dangerous a game
as Daft Hanks revenge.
Daft Hank once helped himself to
a wheelbarrow load of fertilizer be.
longing to Farmer Husk. The farmer,
therefore, had him locked up for ten
days. Daft Hank, when he got out.
said to the general storekeeper:
Well, I've found out way to get
even with old Corn Husk for lockin'
me up
"'Yes?' said the storekeeper, as he
drew the cheese back out of Hanks
reach.
Eyes, said Hank. I'm goin' to
catch a mad dog and put it in among
his cows
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1915-06-25

Setter than the old-fashioned sort, and
the breeds of poultry have improved
to such an extent that better houses
are recognized as being necessary.
This poultry house, although not
very large, is built with a good solid
concrete foundation that reaches down
below frost. The floor also is Of con-
crete.
Some poultrymen prefer building a
floor of lime Ordinary burned lime
is spread over the ground several
inches deep and pounded down and
made level. Water is then thrown
on the lime in just sufficient quanti-
ties to cause it to slack properly.
Enough water is used to slack the lime
into a pasty mortar and it is left in
this condition until it dries and hard
ems. This kind Of a poultry floor is
not so hard as concrete, and the chick
ems will scratch depresSions in it in
places in their efforts to uncover the
grain that is scattered in the litter
The chickens in digging up the kerr
nels of grain get considerable lime,
which goes to manufacture bone and
egg shells. If the original lime is
good and the Stacking is well done,
the floor will be satisfactory for a
long time. If soft places develop and
the hens dig the floor through, it is
easy at any time to throw little fresh
lime on to the cavity and moisten it
with water enough to slack and fill
the depression.
There are poultrymen who insist
that this is the only method known
to the poultry fraternity for making
q faultless hen house floor. The same
kind of lime floor may be made into
both Of these rooms, or only one of
them, as thought best. Lime floors
will discourage rats and mice almost
as thoroughly as a concrete floor, and
they are not SO rough on the chickens
claws.
Any kind Of hard floor should be
kept covered with straw, for the rea-
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1915-06-25
200

the nuts are screwed down to hold
them firmly in place. The mortar is
troweled UP against the sills inside
and outside carefully to prevent a
cold draft Chickens can stand the
cold of winter and thrive, but draft
of cold air coming through a crack
often proves fatal.
This poultry house is fitted with
double sash windows, but ordinarily
the lower sash is showed up as far as
it will go. A frame is fitted under
the outside or upper sash. Thin five
cent cotton is stretched over this
frame as a ventilator. This is the
only satisfactory and practical ven
tilator for a poultry house.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1915-06-25
Didn't Wait to Learn Details.

A gentleman, clad in plug hat and
an air of determination, together with
sundry other garments not necessary
to enumerate, uprose on a dry goods
box at the most prominent corner in
the village and holding aloft a vile and
wriggling serpent, invited, in stem
torian tones, all good people within the
sound of his voice to gather around
him for profit and entertainment.
What dye s'pse is comm OFF," in
quired citizen, addressing the Old
Codger.
"D'know!" snarled the veteran.
'sProb'1y he's some internal office
seeker who is going to promise, if we
elect him, to get rid of all the snakes
in the county by eating 'em. Anyhow,
I'm going home! G'day. Ellsworth! "
Kansas City Star.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1915-06-25

marks, which il their original state
form the basis of Scotch ballad
called, "Loch Lomond."
Buds system of speaking the Eng
lish language is to say with his voice
as much of word as he can remem-
Der and then finish the rest of it with
his hands.
Imagine what Bud would do to a
song with an oatmeal foundation like
"Loch Lomond"
When Bud barked out the first few
bars, which say "By yon bonnie bank
and by yon bonnie brae,' everybody
within hearing would have cried with
Joy if the piano had fallen over on
him and fattened his equator.
And when he reached the plot of the
piece, where it says, "You take the
high road and I'll take the low road !"
Uncle Peter took drink, Phil Merton
took the same, Stub took an oath and
I took a walk.
And all the while Buds wife sat
there, with the glad and winning smile
of swordfish on her face, listening
with a heart full of pride while her
crime-laden husband chased that help
less song all over the parlor, and final
ly left it unconscious under the sofa.
At that point Hep Hardy got up and
volunteered to tell some funny stories
and this gave us all good excuse to
put on our overshoes and say Good
night" to our hostess without offend
ing anybody.
Hep Hardy and his funny stories are
always used to close the show.
John" said Peaches after we got
home; II want to give musical. May
II"
Certainly, old girl" I answered.
We'll give one in the nearest moving
picture theater. If we don't like the
show all we have to do is to close our
eyes and thank our lucky stars there's
nothing to listen to-"
ooh! aren't you hateful!" she
pouted.
Maybe am, at that.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1915-06-25

son that chickens cannot stand COM
fortabiy with their toes out straight.
They want something to close their
feet around The construction OF q
chickens foot is intended by nature to
close the toes when the chicken sits
down. This is for the purpose OF
grasping the limb of tree or poul-
try roost to hold the fowl steady while
it is sleeping. Hens will roost in
trees on windy nights without falling
of. because of the peculiar construc-
ton of their feet and legs.
In building the walls of this poul-
try house the stills are laid in fresh
cement plastered on top of the con-
crete foundation walls. Bolts are
embedded in the concrete. which pass
through auger holes in the stills, and
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1915-06-25

where he Immediately insisted upon
being the life of the party.
Uncle Heck moved and seconded
that he sing the swan song from 10
hengrin,' but his idea of swan was
SO much like turkey gobbler that
loving friends slipped him the mecca
sins and elbowed him out of the room.
Then he went out in the buffers
pantry hoping to do an Omar Khayyam
with the grape, but not finding any he
began to recite, Down in the Lehigh
Valley me and my people grew; | was
a blacksmith, Cap'n; yes, and good
one, too! Let me sit down minute,
stones got into my shoe
But it wasn't stone, and it didn't
get into his shoe. 1t was a potato
salad and it got into his face when the
Irish cook threw it at him for interior
ing with her work.
I'm discouraged" murmured Uncle
Heck, and presently he was sleeping
with magnificent noises on the sofa
in the library.
There were present at the battle in
the drawing room Uncle Peter Grant
and Aunt Martha; Hep Hardy and his
diamond shirt studs; Bunch Jefferson
and his wife, Alice; Bud Hawley and
his second wife; Phil Merton and his
third wife; Dave Mason and his sta
tionary wife; Stub Wilson and his
wife, Jennie, who is Peaches sister,
and few others who asked to have
their names omitted.
The mad revels were inaugurated
by the Pippin brothers, who attempt
ed to drag some grouchy music out of
guitars that didn't want to give up.
The Pippin brothers part their hair in
the middle and always do the march
from THE Babes In Toyland" on their
mandolins as an encore.
If Victor Herbert ever catches them
therell be couple of shine chord
chokers away to the bad.
When the Pippin brothers took a
Low and backed OF into a vase Of
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1915-06-25

On farms a combination poultry
house that accommodates laying hens
in one department and setting hens in
another works very nicely.
The plan shown in the illustrations
represent a house 20 feet by IA feet
in size, divided into two rooms. The
larger room is intended for general
poultry comfort during the winter sea-
son. The smaller department may be
used for nesting room during the
winter and as Matching department
during the early spring, and later as
vances. The combination works well
in different ways according to the
amount of poultry and whether pure
bred fowls are kept for profit or less
valuable birds are kept for home use.
Sometimes one department is want
ed for few especially well-bred trap
nestled hens to keep their eggs sepa-
rate for Matching. Generally, how
ever, the culling Of the flock is done
during the fall from previous records,
SO that all the mature hens wintered
over are good enough to furnish eggs
for Matching.
The construction Of this poultry
house has been very carefully planned
and worked out to design a practical
building that may be used year after
year. Farm poultry houses too often
are carelessly planned and poorly con-
structed. Poorly constructed houses
become so infested with vermin of diff
ferent kinds that it often seems bet
ter to tear them down and to build
new rather than to try to repair them.
Modern poultry houses are much
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1915-06-25

NAY! DID you ever stray away from
home of an evening and go to one
of those parlor riots?
Friend wife called it a musicale, but
to me it looked more like a session of
the Mexican congress in a boiler fac
tory.
They pulled it off at Mrs. Luella
Frothingham's over on the Drive.
| like Luella and like her husband,
Jack rockingham, so it's no secret
conclave of the Anvil Association
when l whisper them wise that the
next time they give musical evening
my address is Forest Avenue, corner
of Foliage Street, in the woods.
The Frothinghams are nice people
and old friends and they have more
money than some folks have hay, but
that doesn't give them license to
spoil one of my perfectly good eve
nings by sprinkling lot of canned
music and fricasseed recitations all
over it.
The Frothinghams have a skeleton
in their closet. It's name is Uncle
Heck and he weighs 237-not bad for
a skeleton Uncle Heck is a Joe Nor
gan. His sole ambition in life is to
become politely picked and fall asleep
draped over a gold chair in the draw.
ing room when there's high-class com
pany present.
For that reason the Frothinghams
on state occasions put the skids under
Uncle Heck and run him off stage till
after the final curtain.
On some occasions Uncle Heck
breaks through the bars and dashes
into the scene of refinement with
merry quip and jest to the confusion
of his relatives and the ill-concealed
amusement of their guests.
This was one of those occasions.
EARLY in the evening Jack took
Uncle Heck to his room, sat him in
front of quart of vintage and left the
old geezer there to slosh around in the
surf until sleep claimed him for its
own.
But before the wine was gone Uncle
Heck put on the gloves with Nor
pheus, got the decision, marched down
stairs and into the drawing room
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1915-06-25
Lost the Point.

Jones, who appreciates joke, but,
like many others, cannot repeat one
with any degree Of success, heard for
the first time the joke about the dog
being the most musical of animals,
because he wears brass band round
his neck" and determined to spring it
on the first party of friends to which
he was invited. The time came, and
ne electrified his victims with the ex-
clamation, Il say, I've a really good
one!" He asked, why is dog the
most musical of animals?" They gave
it up. Because" announced Jones,
triumphantly, he wears brass collar
round his neck"
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1915-06-25
Grim Humor.

There goes Scribbles, the newspa-
per humorist"
"A merry quipster, eh?"
He's a quipster, but seldom merry.
The only time l ever saw him smile
was when there happened to be a
shortage of reporters on the local staff
and he was asked to write the obitu-
airy of man he didn't like"
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1915-06-25
AT THE FIRST SIGNS
OF Falling Hair Get cuticura. /
Works Wonders. Trial Free.

Touch spots of dandruff and itching
with Cuticura Ointment, and follow
next morning with hot shampoo Of
Cuticura Soap This at once arrests
falling hair and promotes hair growth.
You may rely on these supercreamy
emollients for all skin troubles.
Sample each free by mail with Book.
Address postcard, Cuticura, Dept. KY
Boston. Sold everywhere.-Adv.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1915-06-25

'Was your saddest hour the time
when you discovered that your fiancee
was flirting with someone else?"
mo; it was when she discovered
that I'd beeL- doing the same thing. -
Stray Stories.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1915-06-25
The Bio Idea.

'@Why do you want me to remain
engaged to him another year? BY the
end of another year he won't have
enough money left to get married on"
That's what / was thinking"
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1915-06-25
For Her sake

"You can't afford to be without this
wonderful work
That's good. My wife says am
always doing things cannot afford to-
and this will prove she is right
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1915-06-25
Work for Scientists,

Colossal stone statues and other
relics Of an unknown race on Easter
island, 1000 miles of the west coast
of South America, are to be studied
by English scientists.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1915-06-25

ALIENS FOOT-EASE for the TROOPS
Over 100 600 packages of Aliens Foot Ease, the.
antiseptic powder to shake into your shoes, are
being used by the German and Allied troops at
the Front because it rests the feet, gives in
slant relief to Corns and Bunions, hot, swollen,
aching, tender feet, and makes walking easy.
Sold everywhere, Csc. Try It TODAY, DoM's
secE1f any substitute. Ady.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1915-06-25

GUS generation that we do not like to
part with except for some good reason
and have no desire to keep. The
serial napkin went long ago. To the
melting pot, by all means, with the
rings, and that they may melt up into
millions of dollars worth of silver is
our sincere wish.-New York Times.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1915-06-25
Pulled Injuries.

Redd-He seems to be all puffed
over his new automobile.
Green-Oh, did it hurt him as badly
as that?
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1915-06-25
Division Into Compartments Plan
That Works Well in a Num-
Der of Ways.
FLOOR OF LIME OR CONCRETE
Former Has Some Advantages That
PouItrymen Will Recognize-Many
Insist That 1t Makes Only
FauItIess Floor For
the Henhouse.
BY WILLIAM II. RADFoRD.

Mr.. William A. Radford will answer
questions and give advice FREE OF
COST on all subjects pertaining to the
subject of building work on the farm, for
his wide experience as Editor, Author and
Manufacturer. he is, without doubt, the
highest authority on all these subjects.
Address all inquiries to William A. Rad
ford, No. 1927 Prairie avenue, Chicago,
H., and only inclose two-cent stamp for
reply.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1915-06-25

YOUR OWN DRUGGIST WILL TELL YOU
Try Murine Eye Remedy for Red, Weak Watery
Ewes and Granulated Eyelids; No Smarting-
lust Rye comfort Write for Book of the Ego
81 mail Free Murine Eye Remedy Co.. Chicago.
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1915-06-25
are busy

How we do love an idle person who
comes along and bothers us when we
are busy!
Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1915-06-25

and So
the de
She liz
here. II
with Z
ouriSI
che be-
is our
two-ce
set dot
rs
The theocrat. [volume] (Zion City [i.e. Zion], Ill.) 1914-1949, 1915-02-20

Any persons who have lost umbrellas,
spectacles, or any other valuables, in or
around Zion Stores, would do well to
call at the Zion Bank. Deacon
Bull has lot of such lost articles wait
ing for claimants who can identify
them.
Mrs. Clara Davis, and son Ernest of
10Th and Ezra Avenue, left Zion City
Feb. 18th for Laurel, Indiana, to at
tend the funeral of Mrs. Davis father.
He was 90 years of age when he passed
away.
Mr.. James J. Craig, tax collector, in
forms us that in many cases where
property has been transferred, the
change has not been recorded on the
tax books. This should be attended to
at once to avoid further trouble. Any
one who has not yet had the change rec
orded should take his leases to Mr.. L..
A. Hendee, County Clerk, Waukegan, be-
fore March 18th. For any further in
formation call and see Mr.. Craig.
A cottage prayer meeting was held
on Monday night at the home OF Mrs.
L. J. Paulger, 2O11 Hermon avenue.
Thirty five persons were present and all
were blessed Evangelist Dreyer con-
Quoted the meeting.
A party was held at the home of Mr..
and Mrs. Harvey V. Brown,2810 Eshcol
avenue, Tuesday evening. About SO
persons were present.
Mr.. Clarence Capp, of Sterling Ill. is
visiting his sister, Mrs. Mark White
side, 2813 Eshcol avenue. He has al
ready been in the city about two weeks
and expects to return home on Tues
day.
A surprise party was held on Miss
Alice Crawford, Mount Carmel Farm
on Tuesday evening. About 35 per-
sons drove out to the farm.
Mr.. and Mrs. John Kuhn, a newly
married couple, are visiting Mr.. and
Mrs. L. P. Benckendorf, 2404 Elisha
avenue. They are on their honeymoon
trip, and arrived in the city Wednes-
day. After a few days stay here they
will leave for the San Francisco Ex-
position.
The Zion Orchestra will resume
practice in the College Building Mon
day night. For two weeks they have
The theocrat. [volume] (Zion City [i.e. Zion], Ill.) 1914-1949, 1915-02-20
TO RECLAIM LAND

A movement is on foot for the reclaim
ing of thousands Of acres of land by the
dredging of the Oplane river from the
town of Bristol, Wisconsin, to Wadsworth,
Illinois. The cost will be more than
$15O.OOO.
1t is claimed that land worth more than,
a million dollars, all Of which is now use
less, will be reclaimed. The plans include
the dredging of the river to a uniform
width of fifty feet and the building of
auxiliary drainage districts.
1t is proposed to have two drainage dis
tricts set aside to furnish funds, one in
Wisconsin and the other in Illinois.
The theocrat. [volume] (Zion City [i.e. Zion], Ill.) 1914-1949, 1915-02-20
ONLY ONE CANDIDATE ON BALLOT

By a ruling of the Supreme court
handed down last week, there will be no
primary election this year for circuit
judges These will be nominated under
the old convention plan, in which the can
didates are placed in nomination by dele
gates.
This means that only one candidate
from Lake county can go on the election
ballot
The seventeenth judicial district is COM
posed of Lake, Winnebago, McHenry, and
Boone counties.
Delegates are chosen according to the
population; Lake county, having the Sec
ond largest population in the district, is
entitled to a candidate Of it's own.
Circuit judges are elected every six
years.