Evening star., 1915-02-14
ROASTING PROCESS
AT GR|D|RON DINNER
!. PLEASANT FEATURE
0Cortinued from First Page.)

IInVWvI lnIUuI
1Cor1inued from First Page)
accompanied by weird sounds. the
clanking of chains. Sroans and pro-
testations. When the lights went up
tn. scene disclosed an immense red,
hot" gridiron in the we'll and grouped
about it dozen iEnps of Hades, red
r.sd. with horns. hoofs and tails, all
commensurate with the popular idea OF
the presiding spirit of that domain.
Mr.. President. here are three or
phans who want to he adopted by the
Gridiron Club" said a member. They
won't tell their names. but II we
put them on the gridiron they may De
come more communicative.
Three amendments Dragged In.
So the attendant imps jeyfuiiy drag
ged in the three victims. identified as
"prohibtion constitutional amend
ment, woman suffrage constitutional
amendment" and the fifteenth amend
ment, and they were placed on the
gridiron under whose bars red incan-
descent electric lights shed glow most
suggestive of suffering
81 am the proposed prohibition
amendment to the Constitution Con-
gress won't adopt me, so I've come to
the Gridiron Club said the first VIC
tim.
Have you any friends in Congress-"
Il have plenty of friends on the floor
of Congress, but none in the cloak
rooms
Well Mr.. Prohibition. you don't ex-
pect the Gridiron Club to adopt you:
You may not want me, but you sure
will get me when they try 1t on the
dog in Washington.
Ladies May Be Needed.
who is this fair lady?" was asked
of the next victim.
II am the proposed Suffrage Amend
ment to the Constitution
DO we need lady MEMBERS
IF you adopt prohibition you'll need
here"
made a call at the White House Was
there dance there"
Yes sir"
What did the President dance-the
hesitation?''
No. the sidestep"
The remaining victim on the red-hot
gridiTon. the Fifteenth Amendment
then told his tale of woe. and it was
woeful one, replete with incidents of
neglect. When he concluded, the pre-
siding imp disclosed the subterfuge
that had been practiced upon the club
1t turned out that the three orphans
were newly elected members of the
club in process of initiation-Chauncey
C. Brainerd of the Brooklyn Eagle,
Harry ]. Brown of the Portland Ore
sonian and Arthur ]. Sinnott of the
Newark On j. Evening News.
Mother Democracy and Children.
Mother Democracy and Her Famous
Children" was the title of study in
eugenics and a problem play. the Sc
Quel to be disclosed in November, 1916"
At the outset Mother Democracy was
discovered taking care of two children,
which. she said. had been left upon
her doorstep by the republicans-Ship
Subsidy and Philippines
Uncle Sam entered and. commiserat-
Ing with the ancient dame upon her
cares. asked, solicitously. about her
own children. to which she replied that
some were playing, some were sleeping
and some were working. Then, in
burst four joyous youngsters. who.
seizing hands. danced around. singing:
We mothers children four
We were horn In Baltimore.
This big boy. Uncle Sam. is my old
est child. Tariff. and this is his twin
sister. Income Tax. This is my son
Currency and this little girl is Trade
Commission
don't see Presidential Primaries or
Rural Credits"
don't want to disturb them. This,
Uncle Sam. is my baby. Shipping Bill.
why, what's the matter, dearie? Those
naughty boys throwing stones at you
again? Never mind, I'll teach them
better manners before the summer is
over. Here. you keep away from Ship
Subsidy. 1 don't want folks to think
he's kin of yours"
Soothing her youngest Mother De-
mocracy put her arms around Shipping
Bill and sang:
Bye. baby bunting
Willtes gone a-hunting:
He will get a rabbit skin
To wrap the baby bunting in"
Enter cousin Willie,
of Cousin Willie Bryan. carrying a rab-
bit and with gun slung over his
shoulder
"Golly, kids. but it's n cold night
across the Potomac in Virginia"
Uncle Sam. this is my nephew. Will
lie. He's a great hunter
Yes. great job hunter" said a
voice
Keep quiet. Ship Subsidy. Willie
has had some thrilling adventures and
several narrow escapes. haven't you.
'"
"onct l almost shot a tiger in Balti-
more
Yes. and three times he was tram
pied under foot by an elephant, weren't
you. Willie?"
Yep. but the most dangeristest ami
NAL is the bull moose: only they amt
any more. 'cept in the story books"
where did you get that rabbit"
i shot him. i shot more than q mil
non-I shot more than ten million, and
brought this one home to prove it"
Game Warden Enters.
This juvenile idyI was interrupted by
the entrance of a man. stern visaged as
he who set out at break of dawn with
Eugene Aram. with the gives upon his
wrist The intruder was H. c. Cockrel,
game warden extraordinary and pleni-
potentiary of Fairfax county, Va. He
arrested Cousin Willie for hunting.
Il wasn't hunting"
We'll. then. what are you doing with
that gum?
G hat amt a gun; that's a plow-