davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Harrison times., 1915-07-31
WHERE THE INCHES COUNTED
British Statesmans Remarkably Neat
Retort TO Chairman's Shaft
of "Wit."

Lloyd-George's wit on the platform
is well known, but here Is one of the
neatest retorts he ever made
lie was addressing a meeting in
South Wales, according to Pearson's
Weekly, when the chairman, thinking
20 be witty at the chancellor's expense,
remarked to the audience that he was
a little disappointed In Lloyd-George's 5
appearance
81 had heard so much about Mr..
Lloyd.George, he said, that | nat
urally expected to meet a big man in
every sense but, as you can see for
yourselves, he is very small in stat.
ure."
Many an orator would have been
grieyously upset by such an unfortu.
nate beginning to the proceedings, but
not so Lloyd.George,
81 am grieved to find" he said, with
mock seriousness, that your chairman
is disappointed in my size, but this Is
owing to the way you have here OF
measuring a man. In North Wales we
measure a man from his chin up, but
you evidently measure him from his
chin down."
After that the chairman made nc
more personal remarks
The Harrison times., 1915-07-31
CALOMEL MAKES YOU SICK, UGH!
IT'S MERCURY AND SAL|VATES
Sraighen Up! Don't Lose Days Work! Clean Your Sluggish
Liver and Bowels With "DodSOn' Liver Tone"

straighten you right up and make you
feel fine and vigorous by morning l
want you to 60 back to the store and
get your money Dodson's Liver Tone
is destroying the sale of calomel be.
cause 1t is real liver medicine; entire.
ly vegetable, therefore it cannot sail.
vate or make you sick
1 guarantee that one spoonful Of
Dodson's Liver Tone will put your
sluggish liver to work and clean your
bowels OF that sour bile and consti.
pated waste which is clogging your
system and making you feel miserable.
! guarantee that bottle Of Dodson's
Liver Tone will keep your entire fam
lily feeling fine for months, Give It to
your children. 1t is harmless; doesn't
grippe and they like its pleasant taste.
The Harrison times., 1915-07-31
The Meter,s Record,

A representative Of the gas depart
ment called on q householder and IN
timated that he was afraid something
was wrong with the meter From the
official point Of yiew Of course, meters
cNa only show one fault and the symp.
tom which had cast suspicion on this
meter was that It had registered less
during the quarter than In the CORE
spending part Of the previous year
But the lady Of the house has a con.
yincing explanation Of the decline,
you see" she said, my daughter
was engaged last winter, She got
married IN June"
The official who was evidently Il
parent himself was quite satisfied,
and the meter left the court without
u stain upon lts high character
The Harrison times., 1915-07-31
No lnault Meant.

Shortly after u certain marquis
received an important governmental
position he was overwhelmed with
begging letters, the result Of the re
morkable statomonts sent ont con
cerning his unboundcd generosity
Among the letters no received wot
ono which became standing Joke
among his friends, II was from q
woman who wanted sewing machine
and her letter commenced thus'
"Doar SIr-A year ago you cOmc tC
our town to mako n speech, went
out to hear you and ! have boor
III ever since"
The fact was the lady caught COZ,
on the occasion IN question, but she
certainly did not rcfcr TO the matter
IN very diplomatic language
The Harrison times., 1915-07-31
Magic Washing Stick

This IL something new 10 houscwlyes-
something they have wanted oil their lives,
but never could get before, II makes II pos
siDlo " do the heaviest hardest washing In
lesB than oue'half the time II took by Old
methods, and II eliminates all rubbing aud mus
cuar effort. No washing machine In needed,
Nothing but thl simple little preparation,
which IL absolutely harmless 10 ihO finest iabrtS-
white, Colpred or wooden, II makes the
hardest task OF the week pleasant pastlme-
u delightful occupation, You will be de-
lighted AZ the clean, 6potless, snow'whlte
clothes that come out OF the rinsinR wGlcri
and all without any effort on your part The
Magic Washing Stick does n al-and remember,
without injury TO the most delicate goods,
colorcd or white, woolens, blankets, lace cur
taius, etc. Contains no Rcida no alkalica, no
poisonous ingredients TO make It's use dan'
gcrous, Is p.hIngI rs cents
Sold by all Druggats and drocera every
where, II yOura docan't handle II, show him
this ad=hell get II for you, or send 25o In
stamps 10 A. 0, RICHARDS CO., Sherman, Ttnt,
Arkansas Distributors
PlUNStTT.Ik'RtlL GRO CO., llltO Rock hkansi-Adv.
The Harrison times., 1915-07-31
Mean DlepeaItIen.

Before engaging rooms In your
house" said the bachelor, ~ want to
know II thoro are any families with
crying babies staying here"
"l'm afraid there la" replied the
landadyi "but We"
"Well, / was just going to say, con,
tinued the other, that If there are, !
want you to put me In the room next
to theirs, | want to wake up In the
night ana hear their trouble, 10 that
can congratulate myself again that
I'm not married
The Harrison times., 1915-07-31
RESIN0L SURELY MAKES
ITCHING ECZEMA VANISH

There is immediate relief for skins
itching, burning and dishgared by
eczema, heat.rash, or similar torment
Ing skin.trouble, in a warm bath with
resnol soap and a simple application
OF resinol ointment. The soothing,
healing resinol medication sinks right
into the skin, stops itching instantly,
and soon clears away all trace OF erup'
tion, even In severe and stubborn
cases where other treatments have had
no effect, After that, the regular use
OF resinol soap is usually enough to
keep the skin clear and healthy Ey'
cry druggist sells resinol ointmont and
resinol soap-Ady.
The Harrison times., 1915-07-31
Melted Away.

John Grier Hibben, president OF
Princeton university, said at the Lake
Mohonk arbitration conference:
"The day is not yet come when VIC
lence and oppression viii melt awaJ
before right like the plumbers bill
Like, ! repeat, the plumbers bill
For a plumber you know, once pre-
sonted millionaire a bin Of $lOC
for mending n pipe
"But the millionaire handed the
plumber dollar note and said Sc
yoroly;
Receipt that bin Of yours in full,
But-but-l said the plumber,
Receipt It IN fun the millionaire
repeated ! used to be a plumber my
self
"The plumber at this gave a greN'
start, reCeiptod the bill and handed
tho millionaire so cents change"
The Harrison times., 1915-07-31
Not aulliY,

"1ley, you big busherl" YELLED an
excited fan as the pitcher Of the home
team issued his fourth successive base
on balls, forcing u runner ucrorB the
plate, "Whoro did you learn 10 pitch
In q correspondence aCho0l2
II the pitcher heard, he made no
sign, but another spectator sitting
near the excited one administered Il
Btnglng robuko,
"You talk Ike u FISH," no said
seornfully, "WhOt makes you think
that dub ever learned TO pitch any
wbofp7"
The Harrison times., 1915-07-31

man advised me to try Lydia E. Pink
hams Vegetable Compound and / got a
bottle. felt better the next month so
took three mere bottles Of 1t and got
well so | could work all the time. 1
hope every woman who suffers like did
will try Lydia L. Pinkham's Vegetable
Compound Mrs. p. w. IANsENG, Box
8, Allyn, Wash.
Why will women continue TO suffer day
in and day out or drag out a sckly, half
hearted existence, missing three-fourths
Of the joy Of living, when they can find
heath in Lydia E. Pinkham' Vegetable
Compound?
For thirty years it has been the stand
Erd remedy for female ills, and has re-
stored the health Of thousands Of women
who have been troubled with such all
ments as displacements, inflammation,
liberation, tumors, irregularities, etc.
II You want special advice write to
Lydia J.. Pinkham Medicine Co. Conf
dentlaD Lynn, Mass. Your letter Will
be opened, read and answered by q
woman and held In strict confidence.
The Harrison times., 1915-07-31
TENDER SENSITIVE SKINS
Quickly soothed by eutIeura, Moth
Ing Better Trial Free,

Especially when preceded by hot
bath with Cutlcura Sonp, Many com
fortIng things these fragrant super
creamy emollIentB may do for the
skin, scalp, hair and hands and do Il
quickly effectively and economically,
Also for the toilet, bath and nursery,
sample each free by mail with Book.
Address postcard, CutcurO Dept, Ky,
Boston, Sold everywhere ADV,
The Harrison times., 1915-07-31
After a Catch.

A man with a small mesh net was
seen returning to his bungalow
Been out after the speckled beau.
ties?" asked a neighbor,
mo, Pm going in after mosquitoes, "
replied the net bearer with vengeance
in his tones.
The Harrison times., 1915-07-31
feAeher,s Duty 20 punII

II IN Tie teachers duty TO furnish
inspiration ana enthusiasm, to aet IN
pupil thinking along right lines, to
put him IN the way OF finding ont
things for himself II you ran do thla,
much OF the definite, practical w0rit
ing out OF problems may be left for
the home Normal Instruction.
The Harrison times., 1915-07-31
Nalnahla hlssavafN.

Another German scientists has dote
the world a good turn He has dis.
covered that this good old world which
all love 10 woll that not many are
ensioua 10 leave H. viii oSlat for
many hundreds Of years and then get
nm extension We feel better MI.
wauiien Sentinel,
The Harrison times., 1915-07-31
AIahI,a YlnIda More nnld.

Washington a AlaakNs gold pro-
fuctIon IN lOli was valued ut Sl5,7Gi'
$50, an increase Of $4,000 over tho
previous year, figures made public by
tho geological survey showed The to-,
tai mineral output was slO1ls,0Sj
compared with &lO,i7G,860 In 1913.
The Harrison times., 1915-07-31

d wn pains s ana
backache, an d h ad
h eadache e a good
deal Of the time and
very little appetite.
The pains were so
bad that ! used to
sit right down on tho
floor and cry, be-
cause 1t hurt me 80
and ] could not do
any work at those
time5. An old Wo-
The Harrison times., 1915-07-31
Not LIkoIY

"A curious thing happened 10 me
lhln morning." began the man who ul.
ways told long.wlndod stories
"Did somebody stop 70 listen to one
Of your yafnB2" inquired tho other.
reaching for hiB hat
The Harrison times., 1915-07-31
Former Governor Bankrupt.

Albany Friendly involuntary petl.
tlons IN bankruptcy have been filed at
Utica against former Governor John
A. Dix, individually and the Moose
River Lumber Company, Of which no
is the principal atockhOdaf
The Harrison times., 1915-07-31
A2,daA DArdnnelIna Toll.

London Tho total casualties Of tho
Dardanellos eypedItlonNry force 10
date IN killed, wounded and missing
have been i2,d3i officers and men,
Premier AsQuith told the House OF
Commons
The Harrison times., 1915-07-31
mann IVAN nnNIt IInApIrALs

Have ordered hOsnH r05atass. the anllssfhe
powder Tor uss among me vonyassGeM " pa
0haken into The shoes uf dissolved IN Tho iuUla
Bath, Aliens to6l.lase rlyeb refreshing fssl and
comfort and pI0yfNls lNs iasl getting tlad on
i6Gl-Eefs Try n TO-DAY. = NJ sg6erl Hny subH
suisi ted Everywhere 2te f6f tkth ssma
fs, sddfsfsI Allen 3 gmFsd Leroy N, ADV
The Harrison times., 1915-07-31

Female suffrage, rays nm old bach
elor, Ia caused by a scarcity Of hus,
bands,
The Harrison times., 1915-07-31
Nlhnnn.n .nnn Enrd Rafund

Detroit = The Ford Automobile
Company announced q refund Of ap.
proNmotcly SltOOO,OOO n owners or
Ford automobiles who have purchased
their machines since August /, lOll.
The Harrison times., 1915-07-31

Most particular women ute Red Gross
ball Blue American made Sure TO please
Al all good groeers ADV
The Harrison times., 1915-07-31
Plead 10 ReGtrlet Cotton.

Lond0n,-ln an editorial the Tlmo5
makes another atrong plea for making
eontrabhnd OF cotton,
The Harrison times., 1915-07-31

when all the artificial yesture NJ our
litt IS gone, ara We nfe one with eRti
bther IN primitive mortal nerinY
LpUrrp Eliot
The Harrison times., 1915-07-31

Practice generally discovers what
theory ala not know
The Harrison times., 1915-07-31
Bslly Thouahi,

What quarrel what hafahnesi, what
unbelief In each other can suhHlat IN
the presence 0f a great calamity
The Harrison times., 1915-07-31

The man who is known merely as
his wlfe's husband usually deserves
TO be,
The Harrison times., 1915-07-31
IN SUCH PAIN
WOMAN CRIED
Suffered Everything UntilRe-
stored to Health by Lydia
E. Pinkham's Vegeta-
bic Compound.

Florence, So. Dakota. ~ used 10 bs
very sick every month with bearing
The Harrison times., 1915-07-31
RoparetIon Tor LuaItanIa,

"1ho events Of the past two months
have clearly indicated that II N pos
eible and practicable TO conduct such
submarine operations Ha have chafae'
terlged the activity Of the imperial
Gormnn navy within the Ho.collcd
war zone IN substantial accord with
the accepted practices OF regulated
The Harrison times., 1915-07-31

speak but little and lot that little
be the truth,
The Harrison times., 1915-07-31

Observation-Disclosures is the Off
cial text Of the latest American note
to Germany regarding submarine war
fare, which was delivered to the for
edgn office at Berlin by Ambassador
Gerard:
(Telegram.)
The Harrison times., 1915-07-31

Always use Red Cross Ball Blue, Delights
the aundress. At all good groCera, Adv.
The Harrison times., 1915-07-31

The average brass band is harmless
until II begins 10 play
The Harrison times., 1915-07-31
Whenever You Need n General Tonic
Take Groves

Tho 0ld Standard Groves Tasleleas
chill TOME 10 equally valuable al Cen
efal Tonic because u contains the we'll
hnown tonie properties Of QulNiNlt and
IRON II acts on tho Liver, Drives oT
Malaria, ltnrohea tho Blood aud lulh
up tho Whole System 50 cents, AdS
The Harrison times., 1915-07-31
A la elble

nj / kissed YOU on one cheek, what
would YOU do1"
ara turn the other cheek, also"
The Monticellonian., 1915-12-30
HON. ]. ". CROCKETT OUT OF
 GOVERNORS RACE.

Hon. I. W. Crockett, up to this time, one of the prominent pros
 pective candidates for Governor, has decided to withdraw from the race. Mir. Crockett, who has served the State both as Secretary of State and State Treasurer, in the past, is one of Arkansas best known public men; and would have had a strong following for Govern or. He is q high-toned, honorable gentleman and his declining to enter the contest. at this time, does not mean that he IS out of State politics for good. His friends, who are many and in- fuential, will in future years call him back to official positions to serve them again; which he always does faithfully and well.
The Monticellonian., 1915-12-30
War | p0a Pain /!

Pain is a visitor to every home and usually it comes quite un- expectedly. But you are pre- pared for every eulera oaey ii you keep a small bottle of Sloan $ Eminent han y. It is the greatest pain killer ever discov- cred. Simply laid on the skin no rubbing required-it drives the pain away. 1t is really wonderful.
 Mervin H. Soister, Berkeley, Cal, writes: ''Last Saturday after tramping around the Pana. ma Exposition with wet feet, came home with my neck so stiff that 1 couldn't turn. 1 applied Sloan's Liniment freely and went to bed. To my surprise, next morning the stiffness had almost disappeared, four hours after the second application was as good as new.''
 March, 1915. At Druggists. 25c. adyt
The Monticellonian., 1915-12-30
Is The Church Decadent?

Is the church decadent, dying out, when our people in this country are willing to spend an nually from thirty five to forty millions of dollars for new churches and new parsonages, or the equivalent of from seventy to eighty tons of gold? Is the church decadent or dying out when our 5000, ,00O church members have invested in this country one billion and a quarter of dollars sin church edifices? Is the church decadent or dying out when we are building an- nually an average of from 12 to b churches every day in the year? Is the church decadent or dying out when we have add ed to our communicants during the past IS years an average of nearly million a year?-Dr. w. J. Hamption, in New York.
 Christian Advocate.
The Monticellonian., 1915-12-30
Coughs and Colds Are Dangerous

Few of us realize the danger of Coughs and Colds. We con- sider them common and harmless ailments. However statistics tell us every third person dies of Ia lung ailment. Dangerous Bronchial and Lung diseases fol- low neglected cold. As your body struggles against cold germs, no better aid can be had than Dr. Kings New Discovery. Its merits has been tested by old and young. In use over 45 years. Get bottle to-day. Avoid the risk of serious Lung ailments. At all Druggists. advt
The Monticellonian., 1915-12-30
Negro Killed on Christmas Day,

On Christmas Day, at a negro church, five miles west of this city, Josh Riley shot'and instant ly killed Shirely Davis. Both parties were negroes. The weap- on used was a Winchester rifle. A Cornor's jury, assembled on Sunday morning, found that the shooting was unjustitiable. Riley fled, after the shooting, but was closely followed by Sheriff Wal ter Wilson, who captured him on the Saline river 12 or If miles west of this city Riley now a. waits the action of the next Drew County Grand Jury.
 He is in jail, without bon d. The dead negro lived in this city while his slayer lived out in the county near the place of the xii, ling.
The Monticellonian., 1915-12-30
Sciatica's Piercing Pain.

To Kill the nerve pains of Sciatica you can always depend on Sloan's Eminent. It pene- trates to the seat of pain and
 brings ease as soon as it is ap- piled. A great comfort too with Sloan's is that no rubbing is re- quired. Sloan's Liniment is in valuable for stopping muscular CT nerve pain of any kind. Try it at once if you suffer with Rheumatism, Lumbago, Sore
 Threat, Pain in the Chest, Sprains, Bruises, etc. It is ex. cellent for Neuralgia and Head ache. 25c. at all druggists. advt
The Monticellonian., 1915-12-30
Commissioners Sale.

Notice is hereby given that pursuant to the decree of the Drew Chancery Court rendered on December 18th, A. D., 1915, in the case of R L. Hardy, Geo. L. Beltz ct. al, vs. F. & Graver and wife, Annie Graver. Eliza J. Rogers, Sa- rah R. Mermelstein tNo. l067) the undersign ed Commissioner of said Court will sell at public outcry, to the highest bidder. on cred It Of three months, at the East door of the Court House in Monticello, Arkansas, on
 Saturday, January 18th, 1916. between the hours for judicial sales, the fol- lowing described real estate lying in Drew county, Arkansas, to-wit:
 The hf of SEE ar of Section l, and the NE ar of Section F, Township 14, South, Range 6, West, 24o acres of land
 Purchaser will be required to give bond with approved security for purchase price. Notice given this December 2srd. A. D., 1915.
 JOE s. HARRIS, Commissioner. l2-2S-St w X W. attys Monticello, Ark
The Monticellonian., 1915-12-30

the yitagraph Company k be ing shown this week at the Vita graph Theatre. It is called "The Juggernaut" and in five parts. The interest of the audi enee never wavers from the start of the opening scenes until the climax, when heavy ex- press train crashes through the rotting timbers of treStle and plunges out of sight in the waters beneath. This scene alone Is said te have cost the company s25, ,000, and 1t is undoubtedly the most complete wreck scene ever staged.
 "The Juggernaut' was writ ten by Donald I. Buchanan and produced by Ralph W. lnce, The best of the Vitagraph stars were used in the cast, which includes Anita Stewart, Julia Swayne Gordon, Earle Williams, Will liam Dunn, Eulalie Jensen, Frank Currier, Paul Scardon and Jack Brawn. Will be shown at the -Muse-U Saturday Jan. 1st.
The Monticellonian., 1915-12-30
Com missiOner's Sale.

Notice is hereby given that pursuant to the decree of the Drew Chancery Court rendered Decembe lsth 1915, in the case of J. e Will liamson et al. ys. Adelia Skipper Moss and Sydney Wood (No 1o6s), the undersigned Commissioner of said Court will sell at public outcry, to the highest bidder, on a credit of three months, at the East door of the Court House, in the city of Monticello Arkansas, on
 Saturday, January I5, 1916, between the hours for judicial sales, the fol- lowing described real estate lying in Drew county, Arkansas, to-wit:
 Lot Nine (s) of Block Five (5) of the town of Collins, Drew county, Arkansas, formerly the property of Mrs. Florence Skipper
 Purchaser will be required to give bond for purchase price with approved security. No- tice given this December 23rd, A. D., 1915.
 ROBERT c. KNOX, Commissioner, l7-2s-st W X W attys Monticello Arkansas.
The Monticellonian., 1915-12-30
Commissioners Salo,

Notice is hereby given that pursuant to the decree of the Drew Chancery Court, rendered December 18th. 1915, in the case of Lamar Will Hanson, Guardian, etc., vs Heirs of B. B Bolin, deceased, (No. 106o), the undersigned Commissioner of said Court will sell to the highest bidder on a credit of three months al the East door of the Court House in Monticel 10, Arkansas, on
 Saturday, January 10th, 1916, between the hours for judicial sales, the fol lowing described real estate lying in Drew county, Arkansas, to-wt:
 The hf frl. NV qr of Section 6, Township IS, South, Range f, West, es .O7 acres of land
 Purchaser will be required to give bond fol purchase price with approved security. Notic, given this December 2Srd, A D. 1915. JOE. s. HARRIS, Commissioner. l2-23-3t W & " attys Monticello Ark
The Monticellonian., 1915-12-30
For Road Overs ger.

We are authorized to announce MIR. CAMP CHAMBERS candidate for Road Over seer of Road District No Il, South half of Marion Township; subject to the action of the Democratic Primary election. adyt
 We are authorized to announce MIR. G. s. SANDERLIN candidate for reelection for Road overseer, of Road District No. II. ESouth halt Marion Townships; subject to the action of the Democratic Primary election. adv
 We are authorized to announce MIR. W. N. MORRIS candidate for reelection for Road overseer of District No. l2, North half of Marion Town ship; subject to the action of the Democratic Primary election. advt
 We are authorized to announce MIR. T. T. MANEES as candidate for Road Overseer of District No l2. North half of Marion Town shipl; subject to the action of the Democratic Primary election. advt
 We are authorized to announce MIR. w H. HOLLINGER a candidate for reelection for Road overseer of District No. :, Bear house Township) subject to the action of the Democratic Primary election. advt
The Monticellonian., 1915-12-30
For Assesso

We are authorized to announce MIR. YOUNG R. ROYAL. as a candidate for Assessor oi Drew county; subject to the action of the Dem oeratc Primary election. adyt
 We are authorized to announce MIR. TUR- NER WELLS as candidate for Assessor oi Drew county; subject to the action of the Democratic Primary election. advt
 We are aut horized to announce MIR. B. z DUNLAP as candidate for Assessor of Drew county; subject to the action of the Demo- cratic Primary election. advt
 We are authorized to announce MIR. GEO R CAT R as candidate for reelection o Assessor for Drew county; subject to the ac- tion of the Democratic Primary election. adv
 We are authorized to announce MIR. w H BONDEN as candidate for Assessor of Drew county; subject to the action of the Democrat ic Primary election. advt
The Monticellonian., 1915-12-30
MT. ". A. COker, for County and Probate Judge.

Among our announcements to- day will be found that of Judge w. A. Coker for County and Probate Judge of Drew county. Judge Coker is no new expert. ment in this field of operation, having filled this place for four years ably and satisfactorily to his constituents. Judge Coker has served the people of Drew county both as Sheriff and as their Judge, and in neither ca pacity was found wanting.
 He is not only popular at home, but has the esteem and confidence of the people through out the State. While Sheriff of Drew county, he was elected President of the State Sheriffs Association, and when County and Probate Judge the high hon. or of President of the State Judges Association was con- ferred upon him. He is we'll qualified for the office he is now seeking, and has many friends and supporters who will delight to honor him with their votes. His claims will receive just con- sideration by Drew County Democratic voters.