The Lakeland evening telegram. (Lakeland, Fla.) 1911-1922, 1915-11-09
Deacon Fosters
Grab Bag
u Wss q Big Surprise to All Presen.

had just hidden the cheese and put
the cracker barrel behind the coin e.
in anticipation of the usual Saturday
night crowd. when Sam Stiles saun.
tered in with his molasses jug and
kerosene can.
Hello, SAM cried the proprietor
in glad hand voice. "How's things
down your way? BY Their way, Sam.
what was gon' on at Their church fail
Thursday night? hear as how Deacon
Foster got all excited like an said the
while prayin' was all right there was
times when it wouldn't fill Their bill
like good ole cussin. ?"
He was goin' some," answered Sam
with reflective smile, and fer a
| while everybody was kind O. feared
tibet he would bust Their harness or
dish wheel. Ye see Their deacon is
full O schemes fer collectin' money
fer ther church, an when it was kind
o noised around the he was goin' ter
spring somethin' new at Their fair
everybody hiked fer Their town hall
Purity soon Their deacon come in
with his new scheme, which looked
for all the world like bushcl
bag o pertaters, an after Their par
son had made few remarks fer Their
benefit o their sinners what was still
! holdin' back, Their deacon stepped up
on ther platform.
Dear brothers an beloved sisters,
| said he i'll his boss tradin' voice |
hev arranged somcthin' new fer your
editication an pleasure an hev every
reason ter believe thet it will be thcr
| sensation o ther evening In this bag
are several carefully wrapped pack
! ages, an fer Their small sum o five
cents We will be permitted ter grab
any one We like. which o course must
be opened in full view O Their audi
ence. All Their packages is useful as
well as ornamental, an some o them
will make We feel like claspin hands
an singin' songs o praise. Now then,
who will be the first to take a pack
age from Their grab bag?'
"All hands kind o. baked bashful-
like fer a while, but purity son 81
| ,
and from ther gingcrly way tibet he
picked out one q Their packages ye
might hev thought he was monkeyin'
with a hornets nest. 81 wouldn't open
1t, an Mandy, thinkin tibet it might
be candy, got on Their job herself. In
] jes' two seconds she had ther paper
tore off. an instead o candy she found
she had a nursin' bottle like mother
used ter use. First she blushed,
then she turned red, and then she
blushed again.
In tncr meantime Their Ladies' aid
parson glanced at Their deacon an said
he was surprised Their deacon said
he was surprised, too, an offered a
pan o scrapple when he killed hogs
to anyone who would tell him how
ther nursin bottle got inter the bag
Nobody made bid fer Their pan o
scrappe, an when ther deacon had
argued himself inter good standin
agin an Mandy found she wasn't half
as mad as she thought she was, the
grab bag game went on. Their parson
put up five cents an made grab, an
so did one o. Their Ladies' aid an Dave
Sleeper. All three o. them started
ter open Their packages at the same
time, an when thcr returns was count
ed ther parson had half pint O.
whisky, Their Ladies' aid sister had a
deck o cards an Dave Sleeper had a
lot o poker chips.
We'll. sir we jes oughter seen tibet
crowd. Their nursin' bottle was bad
enough, but half pints an poker was
exceedin' ther speed limit, an Their
way them distracted sisters tried to
throw lO-horse power faint on five
pounds o steam was sight ter see,
even If ye had ter take knothole in
ther fence instead o. Their grandstand
Them tibet wasn't tryin' ter faint was
maxim noise thet sounded like big
talk. One D them was marchin'
around like George Washington, an
half pint ter see If II was thcr real
stuff. an still another was telln her
husband what she would do ter the
deacon's face If she was "A man.
AS soon as he was able to move
without help ther parson made AN
other dive fer ther grab bag without
putin up Their nickel an out come
more chips, more cards an another
half pint or two Then the parson
had few things ter say thet didn't
include ther DoXolOgy or Hcnediction.
an told the deacon in plain words
tibet he was bum citizen to talk
about savin' sinners. This made ther
deacon as hot as The middle of Au-
gust
He declared tbet what he put in tibet
bag was Tcstamcnts, candy, an that
some dod-blasted heather tibet he was
goin' to wallup first al forgive after.
ward, had played joke on him. With
| his coat OFF an sleeves rolled up, thor
deacon was so conyincin' thct Their
parson and Ladies' aid believed what
he told them, an jes' IS soon as he
! had been taken back inter Their fold
an called dear brother agin'. he pick
ed up a fence Stat and started Ter
look fer ther Teller what played ther
joke. He"
g don't blame him fer actin up a
bit broke in the proprietor. Who
do We s'pose it was"
Don know as ! kin say exactly"
replied Sam, but has my suspicious