Evening star., 1915-04-09
MUCH HUMOR FOUND
IN NEW DIRECTORY
Names of Population of Washington
Furnish a Story All by
Themselves.
Birds, Animals, Fruit, Poultry and
Nearly Everything Else Is
Represented.

Tired of fictiono Well, take up the
new directory of Washington and chase
through the names listed therein and
feel a new and refreshing sense of humor
sweep through your tired self Ordinarily
the sight of columns upon columns of
names causes a headache, but by II little
close attention it will be found That the
names of the population of Washington
furnish story all by themselves The
new directory has been published and is
being distributed.
When it comes to action in this publici-
ton there is Chase, Gallup. Canter, lro'-
ter, Rush, Runner. I'leetfoot. Goodspccd
and Dasher The names of many favor
lite brews are on tap. there being Beers
Book, Porter. Goodalc, Rye. CHM, booZc'
Port, Champagne, Wines and other Bev-
eridges Although forty-fve Bars ana
seventy Brewers are also in evidence. oniy
nine Bunns are found Among our 1eath-
cred friends represented are canary
DAVIS, Doves, Crows, Martins. Rooils'
Finch, Crane, Swans, Sparrows, Peacocks'
Niyhtingales. L.arks, Woodcock, Part
ridge, Quayle, Starlings, Wrens, Ducks,
brakes, Rocks. Raven. Hawks, Plgeo'l,
Herons. Eagles, Thrush, Storks. real,
Jays, Coots, Grebe, Ifalcones, one lone
1
for themselves. There isn't single
Chicken listed. In addition to the above
crowd of birds" that futtered in, the ami
NAL kingdom furnishes Bear. Wolf, Fox,
Lyon, Bucks, Coons. one Hoss, colts,
Does. Bulls. Bullocks. Lambs, Nin'ls,
Seals, Moose, Badger. Beaver, one Fair
lamb, Hind. Hart. Cats. Hare, Leopard.
Stagg, Mules, Rabbit, Worm, Leech and
numerous others, including a formidable
array of Grffins.
Cupid Is in Evidence.
Sir Cupid signally honors Washington
by appearing no less than four times. and
in his train follow SWANS, Loves galore,
Lovejoy. Lovedays, Lovewell, Higgins,
twenty-three Darlings. Bellies. Dears,
Suffers, Goodbye, Hyman. Sparks, True
harts, Brides, Grooms. Weddings, Par
sons, Ring and Church. Strange as 1t
may seem, only two Wellborn people are
in evidence.
The directory is strictly neutral, but
what would happen to it If the Eng
lish, French Russians, Germans and SO
on were not securely fixed in their re-
spective places? There are four Bug
dens evidently untenanted, for care
full search fails to reveal a single Bug.
However, the seven Bugbees may
utilize them. This great country. which
is known far and near as republic,
has in its Capital city alone 63l Kings,
forty-four Kaisers, thirty-eight Princes.
eighty-six Queens, as well as Mobiles,
Dukes, Barons, Peers. Lords, Earls,
Chevaliers, Marquis. Knights. Sauires
and Pages. But two Counters and one
Pie are found, and no Graft is In evil
dence. Sad to relate, Sim outnumbers
Virtue four to one.
Henry Clay hasn't defeated Andrew
Jackson, the score being to 2 in
favor of the latter. Sunshine and Merri-
1Ietn
Gayety, Funn, Larks, Jokes. Humer,
six Merry ones, CANON, the Merryman
clan, four testers. ten Singers. eight
Gay people and six Gayer. five Cay
lords, Jolly Fellows, six Wits and
three Witte, two Guyers, one Kidder
and one Playhouse. Greaver, Cryer,
Sorrew, Tears and two Spectres also
appear Remarkable to relate, but one