Audubon Republican. [volume] (Audubon, Iowa) 1894-1925, 1915-05-13
HEARD ON THE STREET

:.
Two ladies gay met boy one day;
his legs were brier-scratched;
His clothes were blue, but a nut
brown hue marked the place where
his pants were patched.
They dubbed with joy at the blue
clad boy with his spot of nut
brown hue.
why didn't you patch with a color
to match?" they chuckled, "Why
not with blue?"
Come don't be coy, my blue-brown
boy, speak out!" and they laughed
with glee.
And he blusbed rose-red, while no
bashfully said: THAT amt no
patch; that's me-"
"Tubby" Hawks said an ad in this
paper was as convincing as a flea
beneath your undershirt. It produc-
es quick action.
The Collar and Elbow Dancing
Club will give a hop at Watts hall
soon. We understand those in full
dress will not be admitted.
A young mother is never so beaut-
iful as when she dolls up bit to
take the baby out in the cab to meet
papa" on his way home to supper.
An Audubon county school teach
er when asked what river was, de-
fined il as follows: "A river is water
that flows in the middle of a stream"
Pretty good.
Pack your grip Doc. In Servia
for each 5000 patients and there are
your profession.
Tim Mccarthy tells us that one of
his young friends at Hamlin has
just finished a correspondence course
in feather renovating, and will start
his wagon as soon as his diploma ar
rives.
Only our we'll known spirit of
neutrality prevents our expressing
an opinion of the fellow who reads
his neighbours paper to see IL the
chiropractor has another advertise
ment.
The backbone of winter is broken
as indicated by the last frost of the
season Sunday morning, the sale of
sassafras in the drug stores and the
number of old cronies who are get
ting their hair cut.
Nick Conklin has just about re-
covered from a severe attack of
ptomaine poisoning caused by eating
too many hot biscuits for Sunday
supper. Nick lowed 1t must have
been the tenth one that caused the
trouble.
A stranger asked Tim Mccarthy
coming in on the 3:45 Rock Islanu
from the city yesterday, what was
the population of Audubon. Tim said
count 'em for yourself. They will
all be at the depot when we get
there"
Those of our citizens who have
. associated themselves into a society
to reduce the high cost of living re-
port our local baker, Clarence Tur-
ner, as having reduced the size of
| the hole in his doughnuts to meet the
requirements.
Someone went through the pockets
of an Audubon man at the 101 Ranch
circus which showed in Atlantic last
week and relieved him of $2.90. His
| wife remarked that they had better
luck than she ever had going through
her husbands pockets.
When Wesley Jay was out in Col
orado last year he went to hear the
great Russian violinist Schimkow
ski. Yves said he considered It
mighty poor fiddling, as he refused
to play the Fishers Hornpipe," and
he didn't keep time with his foot.
At a meeting of a number of ladies
recently, the work of the day was put
ting a nine patch quilt in the frames,
and the topic for discussion was the
approaching marriage Of one of our
handsome young ladies. A poll of
the membership showed nine invited
and seven not.
One of our young Audubonites who
has just returned from an extended
visit, is having bath room installed
in the old home. His father says it
is q useless expense, when there is
plenty Oh BOOu SOdp SuuS every WASH
day and the creek only a short dis
lance from the house.
One of our young farmer boys WIT
has but recently gone into the cattle
raising business was up to Chicago
not long ago with load and met an
old friend of his fathers, who knew
the family a good many years ago. He
had to wire for money to get home
on.
Really Bessie" said young man
Sunday night in considerable agita-
ton, 81 am very sorry lost my head
and kissed you. I didn't think what
was doing II is a sort of temper
airy insanity in our family" well"
said Bessie, ''if you ever feel any
more such attacks coming on, You
had better come right here where
your infirmity Is known, and we'll
take care of you N
One of our Audubon teachers
whose efforts to inculcate elementary
anatomy had been unusually dis
couraging, at last asked in dispair:
well wonder IL any boy here can
tell me what the spinal cord really
is?' She was met with a row or
blank and irresponsible faces, till