davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Middletown transcript., 1915-05-01
poIna AWAY WIth Smoke.

Public opinion is setting strongly
against the contamination of the air
we breathe with coal smoke. A gen.
eral use Of low-temperature coke would
render the atmosphere of our cities as
free from pollution as that Of New
York, where it is obligatory upon all
inhabitants to burn anthracite or some
other form of smokeless fuel. Through
wantonly wasting the valuable con-
stituents of coal by burning it raw in
the domestic fireplace we suffer dou-
BILE penalty. Not only do we pay di-
rectly for the fuel that is discharged
unconsumed up the chimney, but we
pay indirectly a second time in the la.
Dor spent in removing it when it comes
back to us through the windows in the
form Of smuts and dust. We pay, too,
in deterioriated health and obscured
sunshine.
The whole subject affords an inter-
esting illustration of the solidarity Of
scientific progress, and demonstrates
forcibly the fact that one advance In.
evitably brings another in its train.
The growth of twentieth century en-
gineering science, which demands oil
in evergrowing volumes, is thus tend.
ing to promote sanitary reform which
is long overdue.
Middletown transcript., 1915-05-01

think was going to like America,
mean to say, but these Turkey Trot
parties have quite won me over
quite. l attend them constantly.
was broken-hearted when they closed
the cabarets at one o'clock. Disgust
ing. really! What is life without the
turkey trot-nothingl What is ones
existence without the tango-nothing,
mean to say. Take away my Bunny
Hug and what have left-nothingI
Separate me from my Boston Dip and
life becomes a drear expanse. What's
the use Of going to restaurants any
more? One can't eat ones soup with
out turkey trot music. I've tried it
and 1t splashes."
You know when the bug bites as
deep as that it does no good to yell
for peroxide.
II say, old chap" His Lordship
ratified along, where's your charming
wife? should like awfully to do the
New Orleans Drag with her-what"
"She doesn't Dance" l said. zone
foot is a Presbyterian; the other q
Notwithstanding doing"
81 think she does splendidly," the
truant from the House Of Lords came
back at me. "Ah, there she is now
with my friend, Hardy; doing the Gin
cinnati Cling, aren't they?"
looked and, suffering rag-time! his
blue-blooded Nibs was right. There
was Peaches with Hep Hardy hoofng it
down the room and making the occa-
sion jubilee of Joy.
Gasping, fell back on the trick sofa
and let Smoky Ookums" play to the
bitter end.
Bind up his wounds, Doctor; with
proper nursing we may pull him
through"
Middletown transcript., 1915-05-01
[iEIJ[HIkT TRHE7IZ
REil[EILTPS% y
a@0@2
GIVES VIEW OF COMMUNITY
Plan Of Chicago City Club Is to Do
Velop the NeIshborhood
Spirit.

In the small city or village nothing
in particular is done ordinarily to
stimulate the neighborhood spirit.
That force grows and develops natur.
ally In a small community. People
come to know one another without eff
fort and easily retain their friendships
and acquaintanceships. Thus is pro-
vided a substantial foundation for
community interest, which is another
name for neighborhood spirit.
In a city of large proportions the
community interest, the neighborhood
spirit, is less apparent and less CO.
hesive. There is such an excess OF
humanity all about that unnatural
barriers are anxiously thrown up
against the making Of friends too
readily. Even neighbors living in the
same apartment building remain
strangers for months on end.
Yet city like Chicago, II 1t is to es-
tablish the cohesive interest that fin-
ally produces community interest,
must develop somewhat in terms Of
the neighborhood spirit Out Of this
comes the broader interest that en-
braces the affairs of the whole city.
This situation gives special value to
the neighborhood center competition
that is about to be featured at the
Chicago City club. The purpose, as
announced, is ito bring before the
public, in graphic form, the practical
possibilities of enhancing neighbor-
hood life in our cities by better, and
especially better grouped, buildings
and grounds for neighborhood activi-
ties"
This object is a particularly worthy
one. It fits in well with the public
properties exhibition at the City club.
By this means an opportunity is given
Chicago citizens to obtain a clear idea
Of what they own as community
their schools, libraries, museums,
streets, bridges, parks, Fairgrounds
baths, police and fire stations, and so on
The well-informed citizen should
have definite knowledge Of this "great
community estate" in which he is q
stockholder The exhibition and the
competition, with their incidental
meetings and discussions, should dc
much to establish a broader concept
Of these essential matters.-Chicagc
News.
Middletown transcript., 1915-05-01
CATCH NOT SUCH A BAD ONE
Some Method In madness" Of Nice
Looking Old Man. Pictured by
Representative Bartholdt.

Representative Bartholdt said at a
German-American banquet in Milwau-
kee:
"Those people remind me of the
old man. Yes, they remind me very
much Of the old man.
"He had a soft, daft look-the old
man I'm speaking of-and he sat on a
park bench in the sun with rod and
line, as If he were fishing; but the
line, with a worm on the hook, dam
gled over a bed of bright primroses.
Daft!' said passer-by to himself.
Daft. Bughouse. Nice looking old
fellow, too. It's a pity
Then, with a gentle smile, the
passer-by approached the old man and
said:
What are you doing, uncle?
Fishing, SIR answered the old
man, solemnly.
Fishing, eh? Well. uncle, come
and have drink
"The old man shouldered his rod
and followed the kindly stranger to
the corner saloon. There he regaled
himself with a large glass of dark
beer and good five-cent cigar. His
host, contemplating him in friendly,
protecting way as be slipped and
smoked, said:
So you were fishing, uncle? And
how many have you caught this morn
ing?'
"The old man blew smoke cloud
toward the ceiling. Then, after a
pause, he said:
"'You are the seventh, sir"
Middletown transcript., 1915-05-01
o inquire if we were having a good

to inquire If we were having a good
time.
Great" ananniased; but, say,
Hep! you've been getting some new
statuary, haven't you? What's that
over in the corner there, with the
bright lights around it-A Venus de
Milo with the arms restoredP"
Let go!" Hep sniekered. That's
Claribel Swift Of the Frivolity The
ater"
"Oh!" 1 said; what's the matter
did the dressmaker disappoint herr"
''Why, no." Hep assured me; ''she's
wearing the latest in French crea-
tions-the cobweb gown"
well, why not get the poor girl
screen; she'll catch cold" 1 sug.
gested just as Lord Rumbo Of Merry
England hawhawed his way over to
us, whereupon Hep whispered some.
thing to me about being kind to the
nobility and moseyed away.
Ripping, isn't it?" said His Lord
ship.
(which one" queried; "that makes
seven I've counted in half an hour
What are you referring to, mean
to say?" mOnocled the son of Belted
Earl.
1.-THE skirts" answered; they've
been ripping ever since the music
started. Some of these ginks do the
Turkey trot like a hungry man going
up an apple tree for a midday meal"
quite So" picadillied the last oi
his race; "but was referring to the
affair-the party! Ripping! 1 didn't
Middletown transcript., 1915-05-01
WAS WILLING TO COMPROMISE
Ernest Wanted Increase In Wages,
Though He Stood Ready to
Make a Concession.

Ernest was very big and very black,
and when it came to sleeping and eat
ing fully justified his name. Ernest
did not fancy steady work, but he was
apt to be avaible when spring came
for odd jobs at dollar & day and his
dinner.
One spring he came in with a sheep
ish grin.
Miss Sally, been hearin' in de
lodge meetin' bout desc hard times,
and low better raise my sal'ry to
dollar an a quarter a day"
You're not worth that, Ernest, and
you know it. Besides, can't afford
to pay MORE"
Ernest scratched his head; this was
matter for more thought than he had
anticipated.
Il tiggered out when dey wuz talkin'
bout dem hard times dat l couldn't
ford to work for no less. But"-his
black face cleaned with sudden
thought won eat so much"
Middletown transcript., 1915-05-01
SEEING LIFE mh
rAnaJOHN HENRY
ASSh ~ GeO1qeVI1o
ESlN[ .lNH4Hfl John Henry on Turkey TTottinG
John Henry on TuTkeu TTottin0
(copTriSh sl5 BY the Mcclure Newspaper syndicate)

sic box was intensely ludicrous. Now
that my laughter has subsided would
you mind doing it over again that l
may study the situation from a psyche
logical point Of view!"
What are you going to do with a
fried smelt like that?
wanted to coax him into one of the
bath rooms and turn the shower on
him, but Peaches begged me not to
dampen his youthful ardor, so told
him what particular ingredient of a
cheese sandwich he resembled and
passed him up.
George is fearfully erudite. With
his thumb and forefinger he picks big
words out of his bulging forehead and
assemblies them into neat little para
graphs. These he carries on a tray
to a magazine where kind-hearted men
pay him money and beg him not to
come back until he has spent it all
George was getting along very nice
ly until one day somebody told him he
was clever-then he fell apart.
Now he makes up his pieces in front
of a mirror and when he thinks Of
something devilishly cute he and his
reflection exchange loving glances
Then he pins a medal on his breast
and quits work for the day.
Somebody should take off Georges
watch and slap his wrist real hard.
In the meantime the war dance O.
the Manhattan Indians went bravel!
on. It was catch-as-catch-can all ovel
the place.
They swayed and toddled ant
wobbled and bobbled, each and all o
them trying hard to CT aal the fac
that they were human beings.
They danced the Lame Duck an
Simpering Cinnamon Bear; the LiT
gering Drag and the Jack Rabbi
Jump; the Boston Antelope, and tn
Philadelphia Scramble. Every once i
a while they'd stop, take long breat
and then off again into the Buzzar
Bend and Walrus Wiggle.
Each individual tried to act as
special agent for the Zoo?
"How do you like it?" l aske
Peaches.
IT'S awful" she gasped. Look g
that girl over there. Why does sh
try to act like penknife?"
| Come out Of the hardware store
Middletown transcript., 1915-05-01

women, too. cannot praise Lydia E.
Pinkham's s Vegetable Compound enough
for know never would have been as
we'll if had not taken it and recon-
mend it to suffering women"
Daughter Helped Also.
81 gave it to my daughter when she
was thirteen years old. She was in
school and was a nervous wreck, and
could not sleep nights. Now she looks
30 healthy that even the doctor speaks
Of it. You can publish. this letter if you
like. Mrs. RENA BOWMAN, 161 s. 10th
Street, Ironton, Ohio.
Why viii women continue TO suffer
day in and day out and drag out sickly,
half-hearted existence, missing three
fourths of the joy of living, when they
can find health in Lydia E. Pinkham'S
Vegetable Compound?
If you have the slightest doubt
that Lydia E. Pinkham's Vegeta-
BILE Compound will help you, write
to Lydia aE.Pinkham MedicineCO
(cOnfidentiaD Lynn, Mass, for adj
vice. Your letter will be opened,
read and answered by a woman
and held in strict confidence.
Middletown transcript., 1915-05-01

answered. She's doing the Arma-
dillo Bendback!"
Just then Hep came up and asked
Peaches If she wouldn't glide out and
dodge the furniture with him, where
upon the Queen of my Bungalow shud-
dered from hairpins to shoe buckles,
murmured, Il don't know how" and
hid her head in my shoulder.
"Ill fix that" squeaked Hep, and
two minutes later we were confronted
by thick-set individual who talked in
chunks.
His name was Manuel Hochenstein
and he had map on him like cross
section of the McAdoo tunnel.
"Why don't you get out and hit the
hurdles with the hoppers?" he in
quired
My wife wasn't brought up in a cir.
GUS" l went back at him; land I'm a
shine acrobat"
"Aw, say, it's a cinch, this bunk
Turkey Trotting." Mr.. Hochenstein
informed us. why, in ten minutes
l can learn anybody that isn't a war
veteran with two wooden legs. / got a
Studio where learn everybody-ten
dollars a lesson. Why, I've learned
some Of the SWEETEST Society danes in
this burg. You know / used to be a
bookmaker, but there's more money in
this game. It's ten to one shot and
bring the bacon every time the flag
drops. It's a pipe-I can learn any
body. learned Hep Hardy, didnT
I?-and his feet are like a couple Of
nervous ferry y-boats.
"All the Turkey Trot needs is two
arms, two legs and a sunny disposi
ton.
Here's my card-anything you lik,
I'll learn you-the tango, the dip, tn,
trot, the glide, the lope, the squat, tn,
squirm, the slide, the spiral, the for,
and aft, and the side.whee;. Say! /
your wife will come out on the fire
escape where it's quiet I'll learn he
the Texas Spider in eight minutes b,
a stop-watch-get me?"
Il get you," said, but / don
need you"
Then we permitted Manuel to fad
abruptly out Of our lives Will
Peaches gurgled, why should an
sane person want to learn those aV
full dances!"
True for you, little bright-lamps,
l chortled; "but they tell me there
a wiggly bit of germ that gets in tn
blood and then your temperature rise
and you break out in Bunny Hug"
''Nonsensei" she shifted and lei
me nat lust as Hep hustled up aRai
Middletown transcript., 1915-05-01

the Imperial German Army, for he still
wears his Uhlan uniform with the
hand-painted sleeves and the Murillo
panels inserted in the silk stockings.
Some class, take it from Uncle Jas
per!
There is such an air of subdued ele-
gance and concentrated luxury about
the layout that you want to rush to
9 telephone, call up your Office and tell
them there that you're never going to
work again as long as you live.
The elevator doors swing open dis
closing picture post card of Turk
ish seraglio-whatever that is. Then
a West Indian chauffeur, all dolled
like Sir Walter Raleigh on his way to
see Queen Elizabeth, gives you the
high sign and shoots Heavenward
while NOu sink to your waist in the
Persian rug on the floor of the gilded
cage.
Hep's parade grounds are on the
Twelfth floor. His apartment consists
of eleven rooms and nine baths
Through an oversight the dining room
and the buffers pantry have no bath
attached, but Hep says that defect will
be remedied If he has to drop another
$4,000 a year into the Kitty.
The Party was in full blast when
we reached the scene of the Conf1agra-
ton.
A string orchestra concealed behind
a lot of aristocratic rubber plants scat
tered enough rag-time for everybody
to dip in and help themselves, so up and
down through HeD's library into the
drawing-room, through the living-room
across the hall, and through the card
room, around the foyer, back through
the sitting room, down the hall again
and back into the drawing-room the
various couples pranced and galloped
and wriggled and squirmed and ioshed
each other into the belief that this was
Life.
Hep met US at the door of the Fur
Factory and introduced US to all the
celebrities present, with the exception
OF those who were busy stepping OF
each others feet in the joyous dance
Peaches and sat down to watch this
mad revels, but as we did so a music
box concealed in our little tete-a-tet'
sofa began to play Smokey Ookums.
40 we arose hurriedly and decided Il
stand during the rest of the carnival
When we hurriedly arose to the oC
Gasion a Literary Gnat whose name il
George Nathun got the laugh of hi
life.
Pardon mel" he said, giggling, "bu
to a man With my keen sense of hu
NOR the episode of the concealed mu
Middletown transcript., 1915-05-01
GAY! did you ever get ready and go
~ to a Turkey Trot party?

GAY! did you ever get ready and go
~ to a Turkey Trot party?
Scold mel deserve it, Paw!
You wouldn't think it, but here in
New York the Pet of Fortune who
makes It his life's work to Burn Money
IS sometimes hard put for an excuse to
Light the Match.
When a Paloofa with nothing in his
attic but shredded wheat falls heir to
a hatful of Mazuma he quickly realizes
that the money has to be ignited-but
low to do It'll
The awning that hangs between his
bompadour and his eyebrows becomes
Care-furrowed from trying to figure
out just how to set fire to the coin
Dad left him without attracting the
attention Of the police.
The Poor Thing soon discovers that
its awfully hard to invent q new
style in Financial Bonfires, so he falls
back on the flint-and-steel method of
1gnition-and Gives a Party.
He knows that his bundle of green
and yellow pathfinders will burn with
q brighter fame If he can induce a lot
Of Night Riders to tarry by his hearth
stone during the ceremony.
And joy In abundance is his when
they begin to kick the ashes around
his $4,000 apartment with their slip
pered feet.
Having heard Peaches breathe de-
sire to be Among Those Present at a
Turkey TOddle, our friend Hep Hardy
got busy with his favorite paying
teller and gave one.
tried to explain to friend wife
that she'd find herself in a blush-pro
ducing atmosphere where she'd heal
them discussing White Slave dramas
hot from the Grand Jury room, but she
merely stung me with dimpled smile
and said, ''Tush; come on; let's tease
q taxi!"
Hep lives in one of those expensive
shacks where the entrance is made VI
to look like the room Louis the Fiji
teenth used to get shaved in.
When you step in the front door yol
think you've suddenly arrived at
forced sale Of art objects and bric-s
6rac.
The attendant who greets you wit
q grin like comatose catfish mus
have been at one time a Captain i
Middletown transcript., 1915-05-01
WarTlme Boom In Rags.

A boom in rags is the latest evi.
dence Of wartime activity. They are
wanted for the textile trade, and, as
continental supplies have fallen OF,
old home stocks are fetching high
prices. At Dewsbury, Eng, ard other
textile centers the rag sales have been
marked by exciting scenes. Prices
have advanced by $50 a ton, and by
$35 and $40 for the better sorts.
Middletown transcript., 1915-05-01
Extra PAY.

willie" said his mother on her
return from a shopping expedition. II
told you If you were good while was
out, you might have a piece of caEay,
and now I find you've taken all there
was in the box"
"Yes, mamma" replied Willie. but
you've no idea how very good I've
been"
Middletown transcript., 1915-05-01
Made ltunanlmoua

"Kave you any militant suffragists in
Crimson Gulch?" Mary" replied Bron-
co Bob. when the school teacher
dropped hint as to how she'd like to
vote we'd have been glad of chance
to shoot up anybody that 'ud interfere
with her. But by common consent we
turned the polls over to her an all
stayed away SOS there wouldn't be any
chance of her bein' embarrassed" -
Washington Star.
Middletown transcript., 1915-05-01
Book Pretenses.

THE kind of books people read
nowadays is rather startling"
"Yes," replied Mrs. McGudley, "but
l have my doubts whether folks stop
dancin' long enough to read 'em.
When / was young we used to read
books and pretend we didn't. Now
people pretend they read EN- and
don't"
Middletown transcript., 1915-05-01
VAGUE Assertions.

when will the war be over?" in
quired the impatient citizen.
81 don't suppose there's any way Of
telling" replied the querulous quib
bier. when the fercest kind of fight
ing was going on they said the war
had not really started. Maybe the
war is over now, only they don't know
it,"
Middletown transcript., 1915-05-01
Stand More Hnnnlnn.

Patience = You know an Eskimo
maiden can stand more hugging than
we American girls.
Patrice-I wonder why?
"Oh. the fact that Eskimos have
two more ribs than any other human
race has been discovered by an Eng
lish scientist"
Middletown transcript., 1915-05-01
on the MatrImonlaI sea.

1t is said Of Nathaniel Bowditch,
the distinguished mathematician and
navigator, that he made it a rule OF
his life never to allow his wife to
come into his presence without his ex
pressing in some way his pleasure in
her being there. And that, as another
has said, was a very good rule of nav.
gation.-Delineator
Middletown transcript., 1915-05-01

HC4AD o. hCh 4 OC-
gan to take Lydia E.
Pinkham's Vegeta-
BILE Compound d 1
could not sit up. l
had female troubles
and was very ner-
vous. / used tho
remedies a year and
/ can do my work
and for the last eight
m onths / have
WOrkad for other
Middletown transcript., 1915-05-01
Band for CITY lmnrovsment.

A significant indication Of the
growth of the public betterment move
ment in the South is furnished by the
news item that "the people of thou.
sand North Carolina communities got
together December 3 to improve and
beautify their roads and church and
school buildings and grounds"
Middletown transcript., 1915-05-01
Little Pltehers.

Grandma, are you with the cir
cus?"
"of course not, child. What makes
you ask such a thing?"
81 heard pa say that when you
came to visit us, we'd have an ele.
phant on our hands."
Middletown transcript., 1915-05-01
What Worried Him

What made you so nervous while
you were carving the turkey, John?
You never we're that way before"
81 Just happened to think that the
material was knitting up so recklessly
was worth anywhere from so to rs
cents a pound"
Middletown transcript., 1915-05-01
Making the Tour.

do you know your way around Eu-
roper"
"Yes; you can go by way of Spltz-
bergen to the north, or through the
Mediterranean to the south. / don't
blame you for wanting to go around"
Kansas City Journal
Middletown transcript., 1915-05-01
No Cheap KIsser.

Percival-rn give you cents fora
kiss.
Penelope-Ill have you to under
stand l am not in the jitney bus busi-
ness.
Middletown transcript., 1915-05-01
Not Interesting.

Millions Of germs can lodge on a
pin point" said the man who is al
ways getting excited about some
thing.
WELL" replied Mr.. Growcher, ~it
doesn't concern me. l never encour-
age anybody to swallow pins"
Middletown transcript., 1915-05-01
HIa Outlook.

life seems all upside DOWN."
moaned the baby, when they reversed
him because he had swallowed a but.
ton.
"At any rate, you're well heeled," re-
sponded the parents, each of whom
held one.
Middletown transcript., 1915-05-01
Largest in the World.

Stella-From what college did sh
graduate?
Bella-Other peoples business.
Middletown transcript., 1915-05-01
LlnhtnInn nannar-

The chances of being struck by
lightning are four times greater in
the country than in the city.
Middletown transcript., 1915-05-01
Proper caper.

$50 you've been making changes at
your broom factory?"
"Yes-a clean sweep"
Middletown transcript., 1915-05-01
Trea4r,an+ for r.t,

Flatbush-Do you think cats should
be muzzled, too?
Bensonhurst-No, throttled.
Middletown transcript., 1915-05-01
WOMAN COULD
NOT SIT UP.
Now Does Her Own Work.
Lydia E Pinkham's Vegeta-
bic Compound Helped Her.

Ironton, Ohio" am enjoying bet
tar health now than have for twelve
Middletown transcript., 1915-05-01

Some men fail to get rich. and some
fail to become poor.
Decorah-posten og ved arnen., 1915-12-31
Maiss og &iBbers 0auD


~ tale. ,Sru0tborc Marine ueltli9e ga
robo irembpoe9 al Canadian Vociiit Naili
man so. Nru0tbor ioro n0 0cot Slimot,
betpemmc Morteocr. Qooe Nirter o9 Gtnlcr,
iiouertrUleli9e {r0nSportmioier. ole Nes
tpenmeligbcocr 10 0ooe NuIeouin0cr Der bp
hes | bcolte Sornloitritter buorlomhelit.
Vriler $ll Ill $50 ~. Ncrc; i~rriQeret Vono
ira $50. goou al 81 900 til NlGlp ior praf.
title Sornere / iutgcrebe Giitritter. {pu.
Ndr at bet0le cller Tor ON ou onlter.
yGn9c Tor bin lio'tc Nlbetolin0 CT forioloeut
pll bin ,Sorm b0pc betolt ior lio Ielu. S9iaa
enoel opoprfeoe ,Sorre meO &oouin9Sbuie,
llbbule, Greno, WiGrocr % 9lplinG III
porenbe puo benz, til lnmme guuiii9e Netius
9eller. Henten ollie SillGloer TIM 6 Bro
cent. Gisie Silbuo 9iGloer 9oot 2ono; nj
bpoer oiSle %iltoar loroi peb, at Ell Sarlner
pou port Sono fan 0iore S%renI9ang; ban
tan Iepe 9obt o9 ipore not til a. betale for
lin Sarm. Sanoet ueili9e Nouuba er ma
tnrlt0t itittet Tor 9lpl al Soru. @rGSdrter
90 @rentio9er, for Meieribriit. Tor SporGts
ming al oeite, SpGo. slaar, Spiu % Niers
trp. Sontouter erbolbeS ueo De hoie Sorns
llbiGt lite oct beoite 9unb nil tooe5
ferlt. Grin ioa9 eiter ri 0daubbo9 90
iuIoitGnoi9e SplpSnin9er til s. 2. Gennis,
TO the President, Department
OF Natural Resources. Canadian Pacific
Railway, Gal9orp, alberta, Canada.