Newark evening star and Newark advertiser., 1915-08-31

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A setting hen in majesty
Adorns the boudoir floor,
An ant-hill busy as a bee
Fills up q bureau drawer.
Dust underfoot is inches thick,
Split shingles let in rain;
Some miscreant has put a brick
Through every window pane.
The study clock no more will go,
Its hands are rusted brown;
Cool breezes in the kitchen blow
AS half the wall is down.
Poor Ffdo's bones are bleaching
white,
The guest-room beds his hearse
Within the library at night
The katydids converse.
A bullfrog's in the bathroom tub,
And water adders roam
The bard who pulled that merry full
Has never seen our home.
#
Despite tho frequently heard howl
about hard times there is no reason
at all these days why everybody
should not be rolling opulently over
the asphalt In their own li1nousines
instead of pedestrianing it on the
sidewalk. Obtaining q machine and
all the appurtenances thereof is sim
plicity itself If you know the right
way to go about 1t. First mortgage
the house to buy car, then mortgage
the car to build a garage, and mort
gage the garage to hire a chauffeur.
1t being unfortunately impossible TO
mortgage a chauffeur In the United
States of America, the matter of Sc
curing money for extra tires must be
left to the ingenuity of the individ-
uai.
A
We Have Heard of the Man with the
Bay window, But This Is Some
thing New.
From the New Brunswick Times).
FRONT ROOM WANTED by busl-
ness man with bath adjoining. Would
prefer private house with veranda, must
be congenlal and not too particular.
particulars, address, IN. H." Times Of
fee.
II
What with the double bill becoming
more and more popular in the king
dom of sports, polo standing out as
the latest branch to take 1t up, we are
anticipating anxiously the day when
a pair of brawny, intellectual gladia-
tors will put on a double-header in
chess.
Il:
At last we have pried into the Sc
cret of how the various cigarette
manufacturers can afford to offer
such valuable premiums. The mys-
terry was explained when some one
whispered to us that he was saving
coupons for set of silverb backed
military brushes and in forty more
years, when he waS completely bald,
he would have enough to obtain them.
IT
We are now, with an eye to the
future, amnssing ours to get a com
plete layout of false teeth suitable for
a quiet, home-loving gentleman of
ninety odd years.
II
Tradition is a pretty hard thing to
overcome, and far be 1t from us to
intrude our nasal organ into the az
fairs of the artistic world, yet would
we like to encounter a cartoonist who
does not draw the commuter as either
dashing for a train or bearing home
a package of chuck-steak and a
trowel; the Jerseyman as scratching
mosquito bites; the banker with white
sidewhiskers and white waistcoat
whereon hangs a bunch of seals; the
laborer with a mattock and dinner
pail; the automobilist burrowing un-
der his car; the yokel with wisp Of
hay behind his left ear; the politician
chewing on an unlighted cigar; the
detective with shoes that have rubber
foundations; the wastrel in evening
clothes, and so on down a list that is
longer than the Lincoln highway,
II
We would break out with an as
sortment Of convention wrecking
sketches ourselves II we could draw,
but il we could and had caught that
inside straight flush last night when
four aces and kings full were buck
ing each other across the boards,
there would be no necessity for our
continuing in the newspaper business.
si
Soldiers digging trenches at the
Dardanelles, cable advices report,
have found gold, but that happens to
be one place in the world whittier we
do not think the argosy hunters will
flock just at present. There is too
much loose iron ore floating around
in the air.
II
An American scientist has produced
an apparatus for throwing the rays
of sunlight into the throat and sur
rounding parts for the purpose OF
killing bacteria which may have Sc
cured a lodgment therein.-New;
Item.
Not so surprising at that. Moon.
shine has been thrown into throat.
for some time.
~
There's one sure way for the Grand
Duke Nicholas to stop the German
drive. Let him erect a few hundred
signs on the road to Petrograd as /,
done on Jersey highways, all bearing
the same mileage, and when the Teu
tons discover that they have beer
marching week and are no nearer
their goal, according to the sign