Hopkinsville Kentuckian. [volume] (Hopkinsville, Ky.) 1889-1918, 1915-03-09
|nER FINAL EFFORT
0utdid All Her Former Successes
as Matchmaker Ex-
traordinary.
BY LAWRENCE ALFRED CLAY.

Il VI NtlloNhitt DtlOlt hHt Ntte
at a good old age. that she had made
more matrimonial matches than any
five women in the state combined.
She was only thirty-five years OF
age when her husband died, and in.
stead Of looking solemn for year
and then marrying again, which she
| could have done, she said to herself:
mo, no. There is work to be done
/ and my mission shall be to do it,"
Did she mean that she was going
into the cause of temperance? That
she was going to smash show win
dows and set houses afire in the
cause of woman's rights? That she
was going to work up taste for
mutton instead of missionary in the
cannibal islands? That she was GO
ing to furnish a hundred bucksaws
and a like number of sawbuks and
coax the tramps of America to take
off their coats and get up a sweat?
Nothing of the sort. She wasn't
even going to give a turkey dinner to
one hundred poor families and give
half of them a collie from overeating.
Aunt Mary's mission was to be the
bringing together of loving hearts and
stand by them until q minister had
made one heart out of the two. The
hearts wouldn't be loving hearts ex-
actly until brought face to face, as
it were. They would first be lonely
and discouraged hearts.
She didn't propose to NEEDLE with
the male and female who stood a
fair chance with their natural attrac-
tons, but to search out those on
whom nature had vented her spite by
giving them homely faces, lop Shout
ders, protruding teeth, bowlegs and
other handicaps. 1t was not only a
merciful mission. but a glorious one
Aunt Mary was called home at the
age of seventy-two. and the number
OF matches she had arranged since
she took up the business averaged two
per year. She lived with relatives,
who found no fault with her within.
and she drove about the country with
an old horse and buggy looking for
would have been glad of her assist
ance, but she would not give it, When
she had heard of a homeless old maid,
living from five to twenty miles away,
Aunt Mary would drive to the address
end introduce herself.
81 have come to arrange a marriage
for you"
But / am so homely that no man
ever even walked home from prayer
meeting with me-" might be the re-
ply.
Yes, you are very. very homely,
but l hope to find husband for you.
He will be as homely as you are, but
you must expect that. Homely men
and women make the best husbands
and wives. You look to me to be
good-hearted woman"
They say l am"
Are you Quick-tempered?"
No"
Good at housework!"
81 am told So"
How about romance?"
I've got over expecting a prince to
come along"
And the age is about thirty-five?"
About that but this is making a
business of getting married, isn't it?"
my dear" replied Aunt Mary, "if
you were only eighteen you would fall
in love with a young man because he
wore cute necktie. A youth of TWEEN
ty would fall in love with you because
you sang alto. To make a sensible
marriage you must mingle business
with it. at least enough to know how
the first months rent is to be paid"
But VINO is the MANI" would be
asked.
Il don't know yet but shall find
one for you"
And good Aunt Mary would go driv-
ing about the country asking: do
YOU happen 60 know of a homely wild
over or old batch?"
How homely must he be-"
Well, homely enough to scare a
COW out OF the road. If he isn't so
very homely in the face then he must
have bowlegs and be humpbacked"
And she would hear of a man that
might fiji the bill, and she would trail
him down and talk to him, and it gen
orally ended in a marriage. II was
said that she had only three failures
IN all those years, and one OF them
because an old maid fell into a well
and froze to death.
At length Aunt Mary set out 10
make her last match She didn't know
that it was 10 oe her last, but she
realized that she had grown old. She
mad run across an old forty-year-old
hat foI LONELINESS beat an who had
gone before She took sensible view
OF the situation, however.
With my homely iaee could not
expect man to marry me unless he
wanted to exhibit me as a side show
freak the maid admitted.
Then you are aware OF your
locks?"
When 1 can drive the pigs out of