The Bemidji daily pioneer. [volume] (Bemidji, Minn.) 1904-1971, 1915-06-04
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= A MODERN FABLE
Continued from Page 2.)


them on the Commission Form of Gov
eminent.
The Isit Hurrah came out within
the course OF three weeks.
The town made Merry.
There, was a Grand Free Barbecue
and the Boom-de-Aye lads Punctured
the Atmosphere with "A Hot Time in
the Old Town Tonight
Beginning of the Improvements.
The first copy was auctioned off to
the Highest Bidder and it brought
$3.50. which Sum was Immediately
placed to the Credit of the Womans'
Civic Society to build Public Park
and the balance to be appropriated to
the Research Society and the Home for
INDECENT and Indignant Grass Widows
The Hurrah was real sassy in its
Initial Issue. Claude was strong on
Uplift and Pussy on Social Shams. He
Parcel of Hasbeens and Mossbacks
with green Scums on their Moose
Hides: that it was Long Primer
Community on NOnpareil Diet; that
it was Starving Itself to Death wait
ing for Something to Transpire; that
the Richest Man in Town was Loaf
er because be didn't Mix it up with
PrOgress-it would Increase his taxes
and they might Discover that be should
be Paying an Income Tax to preserve
the Nation from Bankruptcy; that
there were too many Churches and too
little Religion; that the town should
Scatter some Paving Material over its
Sand Streets: that the Old Maids had
better be tangOing than Knitting Socks
for War Sufferers; that it needed
more spirit than a Guinea Pig and
should have Backbone where it's
Wishbone was: that it should take a
Rise out of Itself and Get Right and
Stay Right.
Many who welcomed Claude with
the Glad Hand and Loose POcketbOOk
began hedging and wanted to Re.
trench on Fellowship and Mazuma.
They said be was Two-faced Walhal.
la with a Mistit Conscience. and Graft.
tude was Total Stranger to him.
Claude was just as popular as La
Grippe or Tonsilitis.
But be only smiled and replied
Watch My Smoke. haven't began
to Steam Up.
l. he Girded Up His Loins and began
Mental ExertiOn on the Second Issue
Of the Hurrah.
He tackled the Social Evils as we'll
AS the Dry Rot Of Commercialism.
The Hurrah stirred Society and
Church from Center to Circumference.
Claude was there with the Bells On.
The Denizens got SO mad that they
Voted him Mayor and told him to Go
as Far as He Liked
Claude had them tax themselves for
Water under ground and Brick Oh
Top; an Electric Light plant paid Cur
rent Rates for a Franchise. he Or
dered Modern Plumbing for the Fire
Department, and Red Upholstered Fur
niture for the Council Chamber.
Everything and Everybody Climbed
Aboard the Uplift Wagon.
The Palace Hotel divorced its Livery
Stables from Its Dining Room and
changed the Roller Towel every other
day whether it Needed it or not.
Claude Joined the Mutual Admiral
ton Society end got Quoted Everyday
in the Short Talks column.
Harry Floyd wrote an idiom. Or
something idiotic about the place.
The Limited from New York put a
Star after lsit on the Time Card.
Dame Fortune Lamps Claude.
In the meanwhile Claude held Quiet
Sessions with Brick Manufacturers.
Sewer Contractors and other High
BroWs, and His Bank Account got so
Heavy that the Steenth National Bank
asked him to Remove it as it interfer-
ed with the Ordinary Course Of Bust
ness.
He married the Dresden China
Daughter OF the Richest Man in Town
and owned two automobiles with
decorated .Ieweled Tenders. They led
the Delicatessen Circles. and rank
ed above the First Families who
dated their ancestry back to the
Freeze OF 1895. or those who Got Their
start selling catfish to Salmon can.
neries.
He was Il director in Every Watered
Corporation in lSit. and His Name was
the Trademark Of Commercial l'robity
Now lsit Is Really lit"
lsit is now Some Town 1t has halt
as many Refined Caucusians as the
City Directory Attributes TO it. 1t has
all the Modern improvements and they
are Just as Unsatisfactory as Else
where. 1t has Surfeit of Culture and
can tell an Oil Painting from a Can of
Sardines; Its People read ,Josephus
and the Six Best Sellers: 1t has After
noon Teas and enjoys Sponge Cake
with Clinkers in it. 1t has Chautau-
| qua everytime some Idle rarlor Enter.
tainers want some Coin. 1t has a Ma
tional Bail Team Capering Over the
Green each Spring eating their Heads
Off at the towns expense. 1t has a
fine collection of Punk Dollars and is
ready to Absorb some State Fair Ros.