The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1915-05-30

Last December. when We had completed
the repairs to the picket fence surround
| ing our private graveyard and counted
up the graves We announced our earnest
/ hopes that the number would never ex-
| coed nineteen. We never really wanted
! to kill any one of the batch. much pre-
| ferring TO live at peace with all mankind.
but ii was u case of shoot first or go
under in each and every instance. and 1t
became our duty to shoot.
Everybody knows that We have done
the square thing when compelled to out
| fit a man for the far-on country. We
have bought collins. furnished shrouds:
got up funeral professions. and planted
| the immigrant on our private lot. where
his headboard would not he taken by
the cowboys for the euchre table, nor his
bones become the prey of the coyotes.
It is needless TO say that we shall con-
while the subscription price Of the
Kicker will still remain at y per year;
AS stated in the beginning. We hoped
to keep. the number down to nineteen.
but circumstances over which We had no
control erected a twentieth headboard
the other day. In writing UP Col. Wood
houses new ranch. two weeks age. we
Peculiarly referred to a cowboy as Cock
Eyed Bill" 1t seems that his proper
title is "Squint-Eyed William" and he
took offense at our license. We have
Invariably noticed that when We attempt
anything jocular somebody dies within a
month and we shall now swear Off.
Bright and early Monday morning the
gentleman with the imperfect optics
a great deal of useless energy. and be-
fore we could give him e. .. ID. rates on
a half-column ad he began banging
away at us. We knew at the way his
first bullet chawed It's. way through the
straw hat we wore in the office. that he
meant business. and we didn't allow any
visions of the dear old home back In
New England. with mother standing IN
the door, to stop us from getting ready to
return his courtesies.
William shot the hands off our office
clock, split the ear of the Chinaman who
turns the crank of our powerpreSs ana
blasted the peaceful life of yalier cat
which We paid 81 for In Tucson last fal,'
but when the cannonade had ceased.
william had gone down the long, dark
trail to join his forefathers. We were,
of course. promptly acquitted before the
coroner's jury, and We think We did the
square thing when we 60 thirteen We
hicles out to Williams fun>ral-
All our readers will bear witness to
the fact that We have exercised the great
est patience in bearing the slurs and
taunts of our esteemed contemporary. On
three different occasions We would nave
been perfectly justified in killing him.
but we strained our hand because we
knew he owed his two compositors money
which they would lose II he went under
ground. We long ago decided to pay no
more attentlOn 10 Hl1Il. no "uht
he said. but there was an item in his
last issue which calls for a word or two
of explanation from us.
Our Jared. lop-shoulGered, knock
need. slab-sided. ram-shackle. hald-head-
ed poverty-st stricken. cross-eyed. web
footed. Hpothless old contemporary. with
an average circulation of I'll copies week
ly. against our tens Of thousands (see our
sworn statementsI says that We We're
cowhided in our own sanctum three days
ago by a lady named Miss Green. who is
a music teacher. lately arrived here from
Indiana.
His statements is an insult to a young.
beautiful and accomplished lady. who was
at once accorded the ontray of the best
society in the town. and who came here
with letters Of the highest recommended
ton from respectful old people. The
above cut portrays her visit to this Of
nee I'VE find that the rats have eaten the
cut up
Do We look cowhidy?
Is she attacking us?
Is there anything in this pastoral scene
smacking of gore?
Miss Green called at the Kicker office
in the most amiable mood and with the