The Washington herald., 1915-02-26
ONE OF O. HENRY,S
GREATEST STORIES
The Exact Science of Matrimony

worthy"
They deserve the compliment said L.. Il think they
entitled to be called the honest SEX
why shouldn't they be " said Jeff They got the other
grating working for They all right bust
until they their their hair touched much
Then ayve fiat footed, heavy breathing with
sandy whiske FIVE kids and building and loan mortgage ready
understuv take her desk Now there that widow
lady that and Andy Tucker engaged help that little
matrimonial agency scheme we foated out in Carlo
When you've got enough advertising capitalsay roll
big the little end OF tonguethere money matr
moia agencies We had about $4,000 and expected double
il in two months which about long scheme like
be carried or without taking out New Jersey charter
We fixed advertisement that read about like this:
Charming widow beautiful, home loving tlnywo years.
possessing cash downing valuable would
remarr Would prefer with aeconate disposition
to one with means as She realizes that the solid virtues oftene
be found i'll the humble walks of life No objection elderly
OF home faithful and and
manage property and invest money with Judgment Address with
particulars. "LONELG,
Care OF Peters Tucker. agents. Cairo ILL.,.
SO perniciou says l. when had finished the lit
cOncoction And now l. where is the lady
Andy gives OF his looks of calm irritation
in Why should there be lady: When they sell lot OF
watered stock on Wall Street would expect find mermaid
nit: What has matrimonial ad got to do with lady
Nov listen. says l. YOU my rule Andy. that
Hegmate mroads against the legal letter OF the law the article
sold be existed visible pod,,cbe In that and by
fu study OF ordinances ard schedules have kept
all trouble with the people that So bill and cigar could
Now. work this scheme got able produce bodily
charming widow its equivalent with without beauty heredta
en and appurenance, set forth in the catalogue and writ OF
errors or hereafter be held by justice OF the peace
'Nel. says Andy. reconserucng his mind. maybe would
be safer the pooce the peace commission should try
investigate But where he could hope
find widow who would time matrimonial scheme that
had no natrmony in it:
Il told Andy that thought knew OF the party An
old friend OF NINE Zke lrOer who used to draw soda
and teeth in show, had made his wife widow before
by drinking some dyspepsia Of the old doctors instead OF the
nment that he always boozcd used stop their
house often and thought could get her work with
Twas only SIXTY miles the little where she lived.
jumped out on the G. and finds her the with the
lame sunfowerS and rooster standing on the washnb Mrs. Trot,
property valuation Put she looked feasible and paeworthy
the and kindness Zkes memory give he he job
lis this honest deal YOU putting Mr. Peters, she
asked me when tell her what
Mrs. Trotter says Andy Tucker and have computed
the calculation that 5000 this broad and unfair country will
endeavor hand and oensbc money and prop
erty through advertisement Out OF that number something
like thirty hundred will expect to give in exchange il they
should win YOU the carcass OF lazy man mecenay oafe fail
IN hto. >wnlcr and contemplate fortune seeker.
"Mc and Andy, proposed teach these preyc upon
society lesson 1t was with difficulty says l. that me and Andy
Great Moral and Nlena Malevocnt Matrimonial Agency Does
that satisfy YOU:
wouldn't have into ANYTHING that wasn't apprrriuS But
what will duties be DO have personally these 1900
lour job Mrs. Trotcr, say! l. will be practically cynos-
You will live quiet hotel and will have work do.
Of course SAYS some OF the ardent and npetuous
who the railroad Cairo
nay press their suit whatever fraction OF suit they be
wearing In that will be probably put the
OF putting them face to face We will S23 week
Give me five minutes saws Mrs rroer TO get NV powder
and leave the front door key with neghbor and let
my salary begin.
SO conveys Mrs Trotter Cairo and establishes her
family hotel far enough from and Andys
be unsuspicious and available. and tell Andy.
Great Andy. And now that conscience appeascd
the angbiy and proximity OF the bait, and leaving
aside. suppose a fish
SO, began advertisement newspapers
the wide One ad all used We couldn't
have used without hiring clerks and marceed
paraphanala that the sound OF the gmcewng would have dis
urbed the Postmaster General
I'VE placed $4,000 bank Mrs. Trottcr credit and
her the book to show anybody might question the honesty
nd good faith OF the knew Mrs. Trottcr and
reliable and safe to leave it in her name.
with that ad Andy and put twelve hours a day
answcrin gletters.
About 100 day what ! knew there
geheared but INDECENT the who
willing acquire charming widow and assume the burden of in
vesting her money.
Most of them admitted that they principally wliskers
Jobs and misunderstood BY the world but all of
that they ocku of affection and manly char
that the widow would be making the bargain of her life
get en-
Every applicant got reply from Peters Sucker informing
him that the widow had been deeply impressed BY his saghor
ward and interesting letter and requesting them to write