davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Macon beacon. [volume] (Macon, Miss.) 1859-1995, 1915-12-31
LORD READING TELLS STORY
Former English College Athlete Is
Reminded Of Fact That Darda-
nelles Are Very Narrow.

Lord Reading said at luncheon in
New York:
"The allies loan promises to be as
plethoric as my friend Heron-P Plume,
who recently enlisted.
"Heron-Plume had bowled for Rug
by and pulled stroke for Oxford in the
dear dead days beyond recall, but he
went out of training afterward, and
when he appeared at the club in khaki
a few months ago he certainly made
an imposing figure. Chest 81 inches,
you know, but little low down.
Where are you going to fight,
Heron-PlumeT l. asked, as my huge
friend sank putting into a chair and
unfastened couple Of buttons at the
-er-breast Of his tunic.
'Dardanelles,' he answered.
"'But, Heron-Plume,' said another
man, don't you know the Dardanelles
Rre frightfully narrow"
Macon beacon. [volume] (Macon, Miss.) 1859-1995, 1915-12-31
Overdld His Plea.

Eyes, sir" said the tramp. 1--WE
made lot of money in my time. The
trouble was that didn't know enough
to hang on to it. Could you let me
have dollar?"
mo, my friend" replied the strang
er. Il couldn't, after the lesson you've
just taught me to hang on to mine."-
Detroit Free Press.
Macon beacon. [volume] (Macon, Miss.) 1859-1995, 1915-12-31
Possible EXPLANATION.

Author invariably eat a raw
onion every morning before taking UP
my pen.
Young Lady-Indeed! Then I sup
pose that accounts for it.
Author-Accounts for what?
Young Lady-The fact that I fall
asleep every time l attempt to read
one of your stories.
Macon beacon. [volume] (Macon, Miss.) 1859-1995, 1915-12-31
His Only Preventive,

Artist Ito model he has just picked
up in the street)-A man l had up
here the other day stole two pounds
when my back was turned. Would
you do thing like that?
Model-Oh, no, sir, haven't the
Bpeed.-London Punch.
Macon beacon. [volume] (Macon, Miss.) 1859-1995, 1915-12-31
No. Not Fallen Pedestrians.

They were out in their Rather car
and had had several breakdowns. As
hubby got out his repair kit for the
fifth time wife remarked:
pity we didn't bring q squirrel
along"
What fora mascot?"
NO" she replied 1T could run be-
hind and pick up the nuts"
Macon beacon. [volume] (Macon, Miss.) 1859-1995, 1915-12-31

Office Kid-Aw, / wasn't maxim
much noise.
Stenog-You were, too. The boss
was explaining to his wife over the
telephone and couldn't hear a word
he said.
Macon beacon. [volume] (Macon, Miss.) 1859-1995, 1915-12-31
His One Hone.

IT suppose you have high ambitions
for your boy?"
well, wouldn't say that exactly
but 1 do hope that he won't turn out
to be the male assistant to female
dancing teacher"
Macon beacon. [volume] (Macon, Miss.) 1859-1995, 1915-12-31
The Inevitable Quarrel.

'T'm glad was married in June
instead of October" said the bride.
"Why?"
Because If we'd married in October
we'd have scrapped over whether or
not we were going to spend Thanks
giving with my people, and then cur
honeymoon wouldn't have lasted a
month"
Macon beacon. [volume] (Macon, Miss.) 1859-1995, 1915-12-31
Vanished Value.

"You can't get something for moth
ing" said the ready-made philoso-
pher.
Somebody did, exclaimed Mr..
Chuggins. "The automobile l bought
day before yesterday wouldn't bring
half its price if sold it today"
Macon beacon. [volume] (Macon, Miss.) 1859-1995, 1915-12-31
Two Points of View.

Mrs. Newpop-Mrs. Stringer is the
most candid woman of my acquaint-
ance. Why, she frankly admitted that
her baby is not as smart as ours.
Newpop-Candid, fiddlesticks! That
woman is O base hypocrite.
Macon beacon. [volume] (Macon, Miss.) 1859-1995, 1915-12-31
And caioIe tho Cream.

She-I believe in always using gen.
tie methods.
He--Always? Then l suppose In
stead of beating eggs you coax EN-
into froth-What?
Macon beacon. [volume] (Macon, Miss.) 1859-1995, 1915-12-31
A Premonltlon.

Il think I'll take out that life insrr-
ance. 1t will come in very handy for
nay wife at this time"
well, insurance is a fine thing, but
you're good for forty years yet"
Il don't know. / have foreboding
that the agent is going to talk me to
DEATH
Macon beacon. [volume] (Macon, Miss.) 1859-1995, 1915-12-31
His Stock In Trade.

why do you smile?" asked the in.
dignant mourner Of a stranger at a
funeral.
Pardon me-" replied the stranger,
but nc disrespect was meant, as
sure you. Pm a hotel clerk and the
smile is chronic"
Macon beacon. [volume] (Macon, Miss.) 1859-1995, 1915-12-31
Not Interested.

who was it," inquired the student,
that said after me. the deluge?'"
Don't ask me-" rejoined the super
fetal person. q never did pay much
attention to weather prophets"
Macon beacon. [volume] (Macon, Miss.) 1859-1995, 1915-12-31
Weary of That.

Understand me, am always will.
ing to give to charity"
Yes, sir"
"But I'm getting tired Of having
charity come to me with the smell of
liquor on his breath"
Macon beacon. [volume] (Macon, Miss.) 1859-1995, 1915-12-31
Well Paired.

"You and Grump seem to get along
pretty WELL"
YES. You see, he never borrows
anything but trouble, and that's all
ever have to lend"
Macon beacon. [volume] (Macon, Miss.) 1859-1995, 1915-12-31
All Threadbaro.

Bill Collector-See here, this bill I've
been bringing here so often is getting
worn out and so is my patience.
Debtor-Well, your welcome has
been worn out long ago.
Macon beacon. [volume] (Macon, Miss.) 1859-1995, 1915-12-31
No Mortgage There.

81 have found out that the Gaddys
do not own their house."
How did you find it out?"
why, they haven't bought an auto
mobile yet, have they2"
Macon beacon. [volume] (Macon, Miss.) 1859-1995, 1915-12-31
Fitting Food.

Great Scott, Maria, l told you to
give me some suitable food, ana I'll
swear every dish on this table Is
something picked"
well, so are YOU"
Macon beacon. [volume] (Macon, Miss.) 1859-1995, 1915-12-31
Mora,. Don't Get Found Out.

DIX never knew rogue yet who
wasn't unhappy.
Dix-Of course not. It's the rogues
who are not known who are the happy
ones,
Macon beacon. [volume] (Macon, Miss.) 1859-1995, 1915-12-31
Scattered Around,

"Nutting parties are the thing now
in suburban circles. You hunt for
nuts on the lawn"
But suppose you don't find any nuts
on the lawn"
"Oh, you are sure to find them. They
are provided literally by the hostess
Macon beacon. [volume] (Macon, Miss.) 1859-1995, 1915-12-31
CREATING "Atmosphere."

OTCdITTB TNtrI'OoP''I'~'
IT Judge this is going to be PROB
lem play"
what makes you think so?"
During every pause in the dialogue
the hero drinks highball and lights
fresh cigarette"
Macon beacon. [volume] (Macon, Miss.) 1859-1995, 1915-12-31

Too Much Illumination

How was 1t that your wife saw you
when you sneaked in, even in the
dark"
II guess 1t was because was all
lit up"
Macon beacon. [volume] (Macon, Miss.) 1859-1995, 1915-12-31
Just Staylnq.

Where are you living now. Pod
gers?"
Nowhere. Boarding at the same
old place. Browning Magazine.
Macon beacon. [volume] (Macon, Miss.) 1859-1995, 1915-12-31

Start the year by getting Hanford'A
Balsam. You will find frequent use
for 1t. Adv.
Macon beacon. [volume] (Macon, Miss.) 1859-1995, 1915-12-31
Somewhat Dubious.

so your native town is having an
old home week."
YES replied the prominent CAPT.
talist, "but / don't think will take
part in the festivities"
why not?'
Pm not quite certain whether my
old friends and neighbors look on mo
as simply successful business man
or a malefactor of great wealth."
Macon beacon. [volume] (Macon, Miss.) 1859-1995, 1915-12-31

Love at first sight often causes the
victims to wish they had consulted an
Oculist
Macon beacon. [volume] (Macon, Miss.) 1859-1995, 1915-12-31

There is no love so incurably blind
as selflove.
Macon beacon. [volume] (Macon, Miss.) 1859-1995, 1915-12-31
To Cure a Cold In One Dav

Take LAXATIVE BRoMo QUININE Tablets
Druggists refund money IL II fails to cure. E. w,
GROVES signature is on each box. asc.
Macon beacon. [volume] (Macon, Miss.) 1859-1995, 1915-12-31

Il have always said there should
be no money in politics"
Yes; everybody knows OF your
strong effort to get it all out"
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1915-03-20
The Tailors' Thanks.

To the Editor Of The Tribune.
Sir: At our meeting last night your arti-
clc in The New York Tribune Of February
IS. with the heading, Ware the Misft Made
to Order Suit was READ to the members.
After the same had been discussed from
every angle by every tailor present who are
the leading tailors in the City OF New York,
making real tailor made clothes at prices
ranging from $50 and upward, a hearty vote
Of thanks was extended your paper for the
earnest, truthful and most convincing way in
which you placed before the public for their
consideration, in its true light, one Of the
meanest abuses being perpetrated on the
public by supposed merchant tailors.
n other newspapers had the stamina, grit
and courage, as yours has, not to accept ad-
vertisements from illegitimate concerns, this
city would mighty soon be rid Of such fla
grant abuses OF public confidence. You, in
particular, are TO be complmented upon your
knowledge Of conditions. as you have sx-
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1915-03-20
For Inductive Penology.
EDITOR Of The Tribune.

To the Editor OF The Tribune.
Sir: Certainly one seldom gets more
satisfactory and courteous reply TO ques-
tions, that | now realize my irritation made
rather insulting, than Commissioner Davis
gives me in your issue to-day. | thank her
for explaining TO me how in our social insti-
tuition Of penal correction, as we'll, appar-
entity, as in most Of our other institutions, our
ingenious law contrivcs to tie up everybody
so that there can be no real responsibility
and no speedy reform Of abuses. The attack
must now shift TO the legal gentlemen who,
in country which holds sacred the doctrine
Of individual responsibility" have allowed
The law to get into this knotted state. Evil
sacred doctrine conserved IL somebody gets
punished, it doesn't much matter who.
Meanwhile, | wish more people were spec
ulating on Just what punishment does for
those who our policemen and judges decide
have offended. How about these words from
the greatest OF modern thinkers?
Genuine remorse is certainly extremely
rare among victims of punishment. Punish
ment hardens and numbs; it produces con-
centration; it shsrpens the consciousness Of
dieHdIloH dHu l'S slreHSIheHs the power OF
resistance. When it happens that it breaks
the mans energy and brings about piteous
prostration and abjectness, such a result is
even less salutary than the average effect
Of punishment, which is characterized By a
harsh and sinister doggedness"
Tannenbaum probably has not read Metz
sche, but his remarks were an excellent para
phrase Of this, and had the value of practi-
cal experience
How about an inductve penology and a
prison reform starting from a study Of the
Criminals" own consciousness.
RANDOLPH 8. BOURNE
New York. March 10, 1915
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1915-03-20
TTALYS TERMS"
Appreciation of War Editorial on
Austro-Italian Relations.

To the Editor Of The Tribune.
Sir: Permit me to express appreciation Of
your able and explicit editorial on "ltalys
Terms" lucidly presenting the considerations
and counteracting currents involved in the
question.
The writer is not Of Austrian but Of
Prussian extraction, and hence qualified to
recognize the impartiality Of your attitude
on this phase of the world war.
Two historical facts should be noted add
tionaly First, during the wars between
Austria and Italy in the 50's and SOS Of the
last century the former won the battles; II
suiIices TO mention CustozZa and Novara.
Italy nevertheless gained territory at the
conclusion Of peace, because in 1903 Ma
poeon III, in 1866 Prussia, joined the war,
and, defeating Austria at home, contributed
to Italy's aggrandzement.
Second, this Italia iTredentd agitation is
inconsistency directed wholly against Aus
tria. Yet Napoleon, for the help accorded
him in 1859, exacted the cession to France
Of Nice and Savoy, the latter territory being
The cradle and home Of Italy's royal family.
Corsica. too. that ancient Italian island in
he Mediterranean, was gobbled up for
France by the first Napoleon. Why don't the
jrredentists demand from France the sur
render Of these "unredeemed pledges?
You rightly remark that nations seldom
consider the eventual consequences Of too
great greed" when they can make Immediate
profits" italy has long been willing to
wound but yet afraid to strike" Austria but
yesterday her ally. but now, when Austria IS
having her hands full with the Allies, Italy
whets her stletto and expects TO walk OIL
with the coveted booty unscathed. She has
made her reckoning without due consider
atom either of Germauy's reserves or OF the
oninion Of mankind. which may condone trea-
son but despises traitor.
MAXIMUS A. LESSER.
Hobohen, ~ J., March Is, 1915.
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1915-03-20
Why Salary Standardization Lays.

To the Editor Of The Tribune.
Sir: Apropos Of your timely editorial on
the Standardization Of salaries Of employees
Of the City Of New York, call your. stten-
ion to a statement published in the Munich
pal Year Book Of 1913 that the standardiza-
ton Of salaries should save the city from
s. 900, 900 to 100000 annually.
The taxpayers have not yet benefited from
The expensive organization which has been
maintained TO bring about this promised re-
suit Investigations prove that there are a
large number Of men entitled to increases
for bearing the burden of responsibility in
the city's business. But these men usually
stand on their merits; 90 not hold their posi-
tions through political influence nor through
personal friendship with those who control
The increases in the Board of Estimate.
II follows tina; the promotion OF these men
will profit no one politically. The taxpay-
srs, too, cannot be depended upon TO thank
those in authority if they bring about con-
crete justice and thereby add to the budget.
It would be an acid test OF sincerity There
fore. fear that your editorial plea for
greater progress in this matter will have lit
tie result. X. I. u
New York, March 10, 1918.
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1915-03-20
Greenwich's Parson Candidate.

Greenwich, Conn, has in prospect a
political campaign well worth watching.
The Rev. Charles f. Taylor, fighting
parson" Of her wealthiest Congregational
church, will run for warden of the Dor
ough Mr.. Taylor stands 6 feet inches
in his socks, maintains strict training, and
believes in establishing the kingdom of
heaven on earth He intends making a
beginning with Greenwich.
But the novelty Of the thing doesn't end
here. His community platform" instead
of calling for cleanup" for the closing
Of saloons and a stricter chaperonage of
gayety, would provide business admin
istration." Shades Of Tom Plat, can this
have become the cry of the reformer!
1t has, but simply as tribute to It's
elasticity of Interpretation. Mr.. Taylor's
version of it may be CLEANED from his
activity in collecting the $23, 900 which rid
Greenwich Of malaria and from his re-
morseless nagginR which drove her rich
residents TO attend town meetings and
provide better schools for her children.
His business administrator" will emphat-
ically not be one of the stand-pat variety
it certainly will not be one of paternalistic
"don'ts" 1t will seek to make Greenwich
happy, healthy and comfortable, through
the adoption of strictly modern methods
Of government including the impartial
enforcement Of law. In fact, if the fight
ing parson" has his way, Greenwich may
even emerge with "city manager
With such a programme there should
be every disposition 70 wish the Rev.
Mr.. Taylor well. But aside from the
sweet reasonablencss of his platform, as
a militant preacher of civics from the pull
pit he deserves our gratitude for ripping
off his coat to do the work which others
Of his cloth might prefer 10 boss.
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1915-03-20
Three Versions.

Perhaps nothing is more useful now
than to canvass the statements which have
70 far come from Albany on the subject OF
state finance.
Governor Whitman has told ar enthu-
siastic electorate that q direct tax OF
sIsO00.OOO will be needed because Of
Democratic failure.
Controller Prendergast has contributed
figures forecasting deficit Of S6,SOO,OOO,
with no explanation OF the cause
State Controller Travis has produced
a statement showing a prospective deficit
of s25, 0O0. 900, chargeable to prospective
decline in state revenue Of Sl0,00O,OOO.
All Of this testimony is interesting, In
structive, Illuminating. But would it not
carry more conviction If there were just
the faintest suggestion of agreement as
TO fact on the part Of the witnesses?
Viewed from this city it seems rather
odd that the Governor should be advocat-
ing a tax made necessary by Demo
cratic failure in 1914, while the State
Controller should be indorsing the same
tax because of prospective failure OF
revenue in 1916.
Merely by way of testing the effect OF
this evidence upon the local voters, The
Tribune suggests that the Republican
legislators should spend portion Of their
weekend in discovering what their own
constituents think Of the direct tax.
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1915-03-20
Why ?

Assemblyman John Leo Sullivan, OF
Chautauqua County, is neither a crack
brain nor a notoriety seeker. He is, on
the contrary, a steady-going, experienced
Trustworthy legislator. When he charges
that the direct settlement amendment
to the workmen's compensation law was
railroaded through the Legislature TO pay
Republican debts to the casualty com
panies, it is a charge worthy Of the most
serious attention.
Why the haste on this bill? Why the
caucus club? There has been no great
public outcry for 1.-THE outcry has all
been against it. There is no request for
it from the Workmen's Compensation
Commission, and there has been no proof
produced that the business Of that body is
in such shape that the alleged relief which
this bill is said to furnish is desirable
or necessary In short, who but the casu-
atty companies would benefit by the pas
sage of this bill, and who but the casualty
companies wants it?
Mr.. Sullivan's charge implies scandal.
The Legislature may very well investigate
this matter, and pending such investiga-
ton Governor Whitman should refuse to
\ sign the bill
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1915-03-20

disabled prisoners, and both Germany and
have arranged with
Great Britain for the repatriation OF GER
thin classes OF informed civilians. Event
uallv Russia, France and Servia will be
made parties to these agreements and tn9
condition Of all prisoners will be vastly
improved by the very fact that a common
standard is set, and that departures from
Il cannot escape publicity.
The Hague convention Of 1907 regulat-
ing warfare on land was very generous 20
prisoners. 1t provided that they should
be- treated with regard TO board, lodging
and clothing on the same footing as the
troops Of the government that captured
them. officers were to receive the same sal
aries as are paid them in their own SER
vices. Confinement was prohibited except
as an indispensable measure OF safety.
These particular rules are hardly likely to
be lived up to in this war, but many Of the
remaining rules may be put In force
through special understandings.
1t is cheering to know that most OF the
reports of mstreatment of prisoners
which have been circulated were sheer IN
ventions. The belligerent powers are In
the main willing TO minimize the hardships
which prisoners must suffer. In getting
them TO cooperate in this task the United
States is doing most important work for
international comfy and for civilization.
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1915-03-20

planned fully in every particular, leaving
nothing unsad that could be said by the
members of our profession.
We sincerely hope that your stand in this
matter will be the nucleus for building up
good, honest, truthful advertising in news
papers throughout the country. Your paper
is to be compimented upon bringing out MT
Adams's writing, which ultimately will be to
your advantage, inasmuch as good, clean
reading matter and honest advertisements
can only be read in The New York Tribune
We should feel it an honor II our letter
was published by your paper, as words can
not express our thanks TO you for the good
this article has done both to the merchant
tailoring industry and to the public gen
orally.
Again thanking you and anticipating the
pleasure Of an carly reply, We beg to remain
AARON J. BINSKY, Chairman,
The Manhattan Merchant Tailors' Associa-
ton, New York, March r. 1915.
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1915-03-20
Prohibition and Education.

1t is we'll enough for the Wholesale
Liquor Dealers Association 10 project
plans for "the education Of public opinion"
but they deceive themselves if they think
II will suffice TO borrow the weapons Of
the Anti-Saloon League. The business Of
education was taken over long since by the
enemy, and counter education is doubt
full enterprise unless undertaken promptly
and carried on in persistent and unceasing
opposition. The defenders of strong drink
have been so easygoing, so slow to see the
danger of their position, that only within
recent years have they come to realize
that they were obliged to defend them
selves at all. They looked with indulgence,
not to say contempt, upon their foes, feel
ing very sure that no educational efforts
could ever prevail against popular inclina-
ton and what they took to be common
sense.
It is something more than merely theo-
retical considerations that they are Obliged
to oppose to-day. The horrors Of war must
be reckoned with. To begin with, there
was the prohibition of vodka in Russia.
The news Of this startling reform was at
first received with skepticism abroad, but
the feat was nevertheless accomplished
and followed 10y others even more drastic.
Then came the suppression Of abSinthe IN
France, and this, too, led to further re-
strictions Of the most unheard-of order.
Now Lord Kitchener is complaining of
excessive drinking in England. and what
was commonly tolerated there in time Of
peace seems so intolerable in these days
that it may yet be put down by force.
The spectacle Of SO many weeping changes
brought about as IT were overnight,
brought about, moreover, without any
manifest injury TO the nations concerned.
ia 40 impressive and so striking as greatly
IN facilitate the work Of our PROHIBITION
ists. II il worth TO them thousand argu-
ments based on comparative reactions and
other more or less obscure physiological
data, TO say nothing Of those purely moral
considerations on which they were obliged
to depend before they contrived TO enlist
the services of an army of medical men.
There are signs of weakening lately
among the doctors, who arc beginning to-
feel, perhaps, that 6ey lent themselves too
easily TO the well-meaning reformers But
1t 10 too late TO try 10 fight for alcohol on
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1915-03-20

medical or physiological grounds Brewers
and distillers who would persuade their
customers that they are engaged in the
philanthropic business of body building
and giving strength have few hearers to-
day. II will be better for them In future
to depend on the indisputable fact that
people drink beer or whiskey because
they like ia sufficient reason. The Ell
forts of the Liquor Dealers Association
will be idle, however. until they can insure
the support Of the liquor drinkers. 1t is
upon the ultimate consumer that the
issue depends, at least in time of peace.
Unless he wakes up presently the eventual
triumph Of the prohibitionist is assured.