South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1915-02-16
Statesmen Real
and Near.
By Fred c. Kelly

WASHINGTON, Feb. 10. - Sen.
Chiffon of West Virginia was presid-
ing, for the nonce, over the United
States senate in the absence of Vice
Pres't Marshall, who had stepped out
into the lobby to take a few quiet,
thoughtful puffs at a fve-cent cigar.
Sens. Thomas of Colorado and
Nardaman of Mississippi. both demo-
Gratis, arose simultaneously, each
earnestly desiring to say something
and demanding recognition.
If one had stood up a second or two
sooner than the other, the decision
would have been easy. But as they
had arisen very much at once, chill
ton faced problem in deciding which
one 10 recognize. Finally he said
The gentleman from Mississippf"
and Nardaman went ahead with the
remarks ne desired to get OF his
chest.
After Chiffon had stepped down
from the chair a friend suggested:
THAT must have been a trying
moment when two senators got up
at the same time. How did you de-
| eide between Thomas and Narda-
man."
WELL replied Chiffon, Il found
myself in practically the same posi-
ton as the preacher who desired a
second wife after his first one died.
lie had always preached against sec
ond marriages, but he was obliged to
Tenege on this, and one day he asked
from the pulpit how many women in
the congregation would be willing TO
marry him. Two got up, one an eX-
ceptiOnally handsome woman, and the
other not so handsome. They arose
simultaneously, just as the two sena-
tors did today. The preacher turned
to the handsomer of the two and said,
i believe you got up first
Il thought of that today" eX-
planned Chiffon, after he had fin
ished his little parable, and SO L
recognized Nardaman because it
seemed TO me that he was, perhaps,
the handsomest."
When the fight in the senate on the
presidents purchase bill first reached
the acute stage, Sen. James of Ken
lucky. so the story is, began to send
) o : kilograms to his colleague, Sen.
Camden. who had been called back
to Kentucky. James urged Camden
to forsake all and hasten to Washing
ton TO vote on the bill. When Camden
didn't come rapidly enough James
went TO the Sergeant-at-arms and in
sisted that he send a man, if need be,
I
James learned what he had not
known before, that his colleague was
against the bill and that Camden's
arrival added one more vote to the
other side. As it turned out, the Bit
terest remarks made in the debate on
the measure were those that James
directed against Camden.
Then there was the case of a GER
tain senator who said that he could
not be in Washington at the time Of
the most heated part of the fight on
the ship bill because of illness. One
of the leaders of his side telegraphed
him TO make his way back to Wash
ingtOn. but he wrote a letter telling
about his symptoms and showing con-
clusively that il would be impossible
for him to leave his bed under at
least n fortnight Then several other
senators wired the member, beraunS
him for his absence. and he came
back to Washington after all. he got
there on the same train that bore his
letter showing how utterly impossible
il would Re TO leave his bed for a
fortnight.
Tom Helm, the Alabama congress
man who allows no man to excel him
in zeal at opposing the cause of
woman suffrage, sums up the sitUa-
ton thusly
Il do not feel" says he. chat
women should allow themselves to
be dragged into politics, but I never
theless concede this much: They COM
prise a great little sex"