The Telegraph-courier. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1888-1946, 1915-08-05
Ruben 5 Old Dad
What Busted Him All to Squash
BY M. QUAD
Copyright, 1915, by the Mcclure
Newspaper Syndicate.


Stranger, can tell We all about it.
Do you want to see the corps!
lis some one dead?'
/ dead as a coon track, and it's my
own dad at that"
''Been row here?v
| mot bit of 1t. Dad jest made
! fule of hisself He's in thar waitin'
fur a cart to take hisself home to be
laid out and buried
Never seed nuthin' to ekal it in all
my bon days." said man in the
crowd
| Il was right yere or wouldn't hev
staggered to it nohow.' added sec
ond
1T was jest this way, stranger"
continued the son as he picked silver
off pine box and began to white at
1t with spring back jackknife: dad
to buy mewl Dad was powerful
frisky all the way down, and he SEE
TO me, SEE he:
Ruben, / kin outwalk, outrun out
shute, outholler and outlick anything
on top of this yere airth's surface
Il sees dad was purity chucky, and
SEE to him, / SEE:
Dad, you's top Of the heap round
we're, and nobody kin deny it, but doan'
you go and meet up with no fight in
town. Yves arter a mewl, we is. and
we doan' want no fussin' nor nuthin'.'
''And with that dad jumps fo' feet
high, and cracks his heels together,
and whoops out that he's bar traps,
pizen, powder and catamount all boil
ed down into one, and that he's dan
gerous If anybody goes to pick up his
hind FOOT
"Yaas, and I hears him holler when
he's a mile away" said one of the
crowd.
"Of co'se you did," replied Ruben;
''of co'se Dad was powerful on hol-
lerin'. He'd boiler a bar out'n a tree
half mile away. When he got down
yere thar was Teller from Memphis
with a patent lift1n' masheen a-stand-
in right yere. Thar's the pieces of it
agin this fence, while the teller his
self is ten miles away and still run
MIN"
"But 'twasn't his fault" protested a
man on muleback.
II amt sayin' as twas" placidly
answered Ruben. I'm sayin' as dad
got mixed up and made fule of his
self No sooner had he sot eyes on
the masheen than he cracks his heels
together and crows like rooster and
SEE to me, seq he:
Ruben, kin pull the hull state OF
Tennessee right up by the roots If
kin git brace fur my feet
"Yaas, I heard him say them re-
marks" put in one of the crowd
.Of co'se he said 'em,' continued
Ruben; "of co'se. He spit on his
hands, grabbed them ere handles and
when he Strengthened up jest felt the
ground tremblin' all around
sod I,' called seven or eight voices
in chorus.
dad had one side OF the hull coun-
try lifted up two foot high when there
was rip and a smash, them handles
tore out, the masheen flew to pieces
and the airth sunk back with chug
which made us dizzy"
Then your father had broken a
blood vessel or something Of the sort?''
l queried.
"Skeersly, stranger, skeersly. Dad
wasn't no man to stop at one blood
vessel. He jest busted hisself all to
pieces and was a goner afore we
could reach him. / might say he sort
of run together and caked He was
six foot high when he grabbed them
ere handles, and now you can't make
him over four foot eight as he lays in
thar on board. Jest pulled his knees
up and his shoulders down, and reck-
on his pants would hold his gal
luses up if thar was any buttons On
'em. The man who owned the ma
sheen wasn't to blame--of co,se he
wasn't-but when he seed the calam-
1ty he started fur Knoxville on the
jump, and he was jumpin' rhen he
turned the co'ner of the hill up thar |
Dads in we're, stranger Come and
take look. Mighty good man he was"
"And You are waiting to take the
body home?" / queried as wagon
drove up to the shed
That's it, stranger"
1t will be q sad sight for your moth
er to see the body come home.'
"Toler'bly sad, toler'bly sad,'' replied
the young man, though she's been ex-
pectin' it for the last ten vars
know about what she'll say. AS the
wagon drives up and she sees me she'll |
stand in the door and call out:
Has it happened this time, RubeT
Yep, nav
Smashed up or deadY
Dead as dead rabbit
Tackle an elephant, did her
'Wurs'n that, maw.'
:" "a hull circus?
And wuss than that. He tried to |
lift the hull airth on one of them ma
sheens.'
49,