davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Tombstone epitaph., 1915-07-04
Dangerous Revenge.

''very little talk Is heard among the allies now about dictating terms of peace in Berlin" said Representative Bartholdt at a German-American ban quet in Chicago.
 The allies realize that to get to Berlin would be as dangerous a game as Daft Hanks revenge
 Daft Hank once helped himself to a wheelbarrow load of fertilizer be- longing to Farmer Husk The farmer, therefore, had him locked up for ten days. Daft Hank. when he got out, said to the general storekeeper:
 Well, I've found out a way to get even with old Corn Husk for lockin' me up
 "'Yes? said the storekeeper, as he drew the cheese hack out of Hanks reach.
 "'Yes. said Hank I'm goin' 70 catch a mad dog and put it in amonf his cows.'"
Tombstone epitaph., 1915-07-04

son that chickens cannot stand com fortably with their toes out straight They want something to close their feet around The construction of Q chickens foot is intended by nature to close the toes when the chicken sits down. This is for the purpose of grasping the limb of a tree or poul- try roost to hold the fowl steady while it is sleeping Hens will roost in trees on windy nights without falling on, because of the peculiar construc- tion of their feet and legs.
 In building the walls of this pouf try house the sills are laid in fresh cement plastered on top of the con- crete foundation walls. Bolts are embedded in the corcrete. which pass through auger holes in the sills. and
Tombstone epitaph., 1915-07-04
The Fire Eiepd.

Mayor Thompson of Chicago, who is advising stricter measures to pre- vent insurance frauds, said:
 There are, you know, a great many business men who in their ideas about insurance are like Exc.
 I'm afraid, father said Exe's son. this property isn't worth repairing any more
 Very well son. said Exc. Send, then. for Smith of the Marine and Fire company at once. Let us always bear in mind the old proverb: What cant be cured must be insured"
Tombstone epitaph., 1915-07-04

better than the old-fashioned sort. and the breeds of poultry have improved to such an extent that better houses are recognized as being necessary.
 This poultry house. although not very large, is built with a good solid concrete foundation that reaches down below frost The floor also is of con- crete.
 Some poultrymen prefer building a floor of lime Ordinary burned lime is spread over the ground several inches deep and pounded down and made level Water is then thrown on the lime in just sufficient quanti- ties to cause it to slack properly. Enough water s used to slack the lime into a pasty mortar and it is left in this condition until 1t dries and hard ens- This kind of a poultry floor is not so hard ss concrete, and the chick ems will sc.atch depressions in 1t in places in their efforts to uncover the grain tha. is scattered in the litter.
 The chickens in digging up the ker- nels of grain get considerable lime, which goes to manufacture bone and egg shells. If the original lime is good and the stacking is well done. the floor will be satisfactory for a long time. If soft places develop and the hens dig the floor through, it is easy at any time to throw little fresh lime on to the cavity and moisten 1t with water enough to slack and i'll the depression
 There are poultrymen who insist that this is the only method known to the poultry fraternity for making a faultiess hen house floor. The same Find of lime floor may be made into both of these rooms, or only one of them. as thought best. Lime floors viu discourage rats and mice almost as thoroughly as a concrete hoor. and they are not 70 rough on the chickens claws.
 Any kind of hard floor should be hspt covered with straw. for the req
Tombstone epitaph., 1915-07-04
Question of SuppIies.

Daisy remarked her Sunday scho.l teacher. don't love your cat too much. What would you do if it died--you wouldn't see it again?"
 Oh, yes, teacher; I should see 1t In heaven"
 "No. dear. you're mistaken; animals cannot go to heaven like people
 Daisy's eyes filled with tears. but suddenly she exclaimed triumphantly, "A,limals do go to heaven. for the bi- ble says the promised land is flowing with milk and honey. and, if there are no animals, where do they get the milk"
Tombstone epitaph., 1915-07-04
A coNsIDERAre MATE.

Why don't you assert yourself? said the obstreperous person. Don't you know that the more you let your wife run over you. the more she's go- ing to do it."
 Certainly l know that" answered the meek little man. But my wife doesn't seem to get much out of life and I'd hate to deprive her of the pleasure she derives from bossing me"
Tombstone epitaph., 1915-07-04
X d254N d254NAMLE21 III
Proper Classifieation.

Heres joke on you" said the self styled humorist whom the office boy had admitted to the editorial presence by mistake. Tt is about a plumber who was so conscientious that he never oyercharged."
 Huh" repoined the autocrat of the blue pencil, that's not a joke: but perhaps we can use it in the fiction de partment"
Tombstone epitaph., 1915-07-04
Grim Aumor

There goes Sc-ibbles. the newspa- per humorist"
 "A merry quipster. eh?"
 Hes a quipster. but seldom merry. The only time I ever saw him smile was when there happened to be a shortage of reporters on the local staff and he was asked to write the obitu- ary of a man he didn't like"
Tombstone epitaph., 1915-07-04
Modern Political Argument.

She's on the shady s.de of thirty"
 My dear sir. there is TO shady side of thirty nowadays. Women don't begin to think of getting old until they are past forty"
 Tut, tut! You talk like a man who is running for office in a state where women have the ballot"
Tombstone epitaph., 1915-07-04
Two s,rinos to Little Lester. Bow

Little Lester Mamma, will you give me a nickel if l am good boy?'
 Mamma-No; I haven't a nickel to spare now.
 Little Lester Livermore-All right, then, Skinny Smart will give me a dime If can swear worse than he can.-kansas City Star.
Tombstone epitaph., 1915-07-04
Summer Plans.

You are going away for the sum- mer?"
 Of course" replied MT. Higgins: that is to say. my family will go away. I'll stay here"
 But the climate won't be comfort able"
 T don't care anything about the eli. mate. All I want is rest and quiet"
Tombstone epitaph., 1915-07-04

On farms a combination poultry house that accommodates laying hens In one department and setting hens in another works very nicely.
 The plan shown in the illustrations represent a house 20 feet by I4 feet in size, divided into two rooms. The larger room is intended for general poultry comfort during the winter sea son. The smaller department may be used for nesting room during the winter and as a matching department during the early spring, and later as a brooder house as the season ad- vances. The combination works we'll in different ways according to the amount of poultry and whether pure bred fowls are kept for profit or less valuable birds are kept for home use
 Sometimes one department is want cd for few especially well-bred trap nestled hens to keep their eggs sepa- rate for matching. Generally, how ever, the culling of the flock is done during the fall from previous records, SO that all the mature hens wintered over are good enough to furnish eggs for matching.
 The construction of this poultry house has been very carefully planned and worked out to design a practical building that may be used year after year. Farm poultry houses too often are carelessly planned and poorly con- structed. Poorly constructed houses become so infested with vermin of diff ferent kinds that it often seems bet ter to tear them down and to build new rather than to try to repair them.
 Modern poultry houses are much
Tombstone epitaph., 1915-07-04
Fine Chance for an orator.

Who is the principal speaker, now being introduced?"
 T don't know. I heard the master of ceremonies mention his name when he began few introductory remarks, but that was so long ago I have for gotten what it was"
Tombstone epitaph., 1915-07-04
Sympathetic.

Meker-Poor man,
 Bleeker-To whom do you refer? Meeker-To the chap who .s going to marry my former wife
 Bleeker-But thought he was rich. Meeker-So he is-poor man.
Tombstone epitaph., 1915-07-04
A lonQ Vulaarian.

This seems to be a very exclusive restaurant"
 Yes, indeed. Why, even the wait CTS are perfect gentlemen. The only coarse person one ever sees here is the proprietor, and don't suppose 1t would be possible to exclude him.
Tombstone epitaph., 1915-07-04
MusicaI Mofe

Here's fellow" said the Answers to Correspondents editor. who wants to know what musical instrument pro duces foot notes''
 Tell him a shoe horn" suggested the sporting editor.-Judge.
Tombstone epitaph., 1915-07-04
Naturally.

The line Of battle in Europe just change"
 How so?"
 Its line that's always busy"
Tombstone epitaph., 1915-07-04
Relieved Of Care.

T don't have to turn over an, new leaf" remarked Senator Sorghum.
 Why not?"
 The folks out home turned one over for me at the polls last election"
Tombstone epitaph., 1915-07-04
For Her Sake.

You can't afford to be without this wonderful work"
 That's good. My wife says I am always doing things cannot afford to, and this will prove she is right"
Tombstone epitaph., 1915-07-04
Her Charms.

T suppose you meet many kinds of people?"
 No. they're all alike" said the shoe clerk. Every woman who comes ir here thinks she's a Cinderella"
Tombstone epitaph., 1915-07-04
Fond of tt Then.

Your daughters verY 'ond of mu- sic. isn't she?"
 Yes. indeed. It's no trouble for her to practice on the piano when l need someone 10 help me with the dishes"
Tombstone epitaph., 1915-07-04
The Noiseless Aoe

Diggs-Would you like to join our socie;y for the suppression of useless noise?
 Biggs-Dont know. When are you going to start?
 Diggs-With the next political cam. paign. We are going to have the num- Der of cheers reduced from three to one
Tombstone epitaph., 1915-07-04

X woman is always telling her hus band that man doesn't know what il is to be sick.
Tombstone epitaph., 1915-07-04
Sootbino Him.

Whats the trouble, Sapleigh? You seem annoyed"
 'Doodley called me fool"
 Don't mind him. That fellow neve, did have any tact"
Tombstone epitaph., 1915-07-04
PuNeC Injuries.

Redd-He seems to be all puffed over his new automobile
 Green-Oh, did if hurt him as badly as that?
Tombstone epitaph., 1915-07-04
Knew the Symptoms.

Betty-Dear Jack, wish I knew if he really intends to propose to ma
 Marie-No doubt of it. dear He's behaving exactly as he did before he proposed to me.-Boston Evening Transcript
Tombstone epitaph., 1915-07-04
The Economy.

Some people hold that a wife ought to receive regular salary for her work in the home"
 Then 1t would be just as cheap to hire . housekeeper."
Tombstone epitaph., 1915-07-04
Dodoino Aroument,

Crawford-How do you get your wife to believe what you say when you come home late?
 Crabshaw-I first listen 10 what she accuses me of doing, and then owp up to it.-Judge.
Tombstone epitaph., 1915-07-04
4 Payino Wei.

Bili-Why. he has a well on his place.
 Jill-ies. he's way behind the times Behind nothing It's an oil we'll"
Tombstone epitaph., 1915-07-04
Worse Things to Talk About.

Human pride takes curious forms" For instance?'
 T know man who never tires of bragging about his patent garbage can, for which he paid $6.50."
Tombstone epitaph., 1915-07-04
Shy on the Speed.

Mother Ito son who has Teen fight ing)-Haven't I told you time and again to keep away from that rough Mixer boy?
 Son-Yes: but you didn't buy me no oicycle,-Puck.
Tombstone epitaph., 1915-07-04
Now Poetry 10 Written.

This is a pretty poem of yours. Something tossed on to gratify a whimsical fancy?"
 No: something ground out to pay a wash bill"
Tombstone epitaph., 1915-07-04
Much More Ieaale

Was your saddest hour the time when you discovered that your fancee was flirting with someone else?"
 No; it was when she discovered that I'd been doing the same thing Stray Stories.
Tombstone epitaph., 1915-07-04
An Awful Shock.

Pruneleigh-Our landlady is laid up with nervous prostration.
 Porkand-What's the answer?
 Pruneleigh-A new boarder came yesterday and insisted on paying two weeks in advance.
Tombstone epitaph., 1915-07-04
More Worry.

Don't worry. Worry affects the ductless glands of the body. thus caus. ing actual physical ailments"
 Gosh. I'm sorry you tol- me that It will make me worry"
Tombstone epitaph., 1915-07-04
Favored.

Does your wife neglect her home in making speeches."
 Not a bit of it." replied Mir. Meek ton. She always lets me hear the speeches first"
Tombstone epitaph., 1915-07-04
Mahel'a Luck.

Edyth-How did Mabel get along with her French while in Paris?
 Mayme-Ffne. She was fortunate to encounter an English waiter in the hotel dining room who could under stand 1t.
Tombstone epitaph., 1915-07-04
EQotiSm.

Its right to point with pride if you point in the right direction"
 That sounds sensible"
 But l hate to see a man always pointing at himself"
Tombstone epitaph., 1915-07-04
Work for Seientists.

Colossal stone statues and other relics of an unknown race on Easter island, 1000 miles on the west coast of South America, are to be studied by English scientists
Tombstone epitaph., 1915-07-04
It's Object.

''I see a conspiracy is suspected in flour"
 Yes; I suppose the conspirators see a chance of getting all the dough-"
Tombstone epitaph., 1915-07-04
Giddap!

Well" said Clancy. when he came home to supper. T got fired today"
 "I thought you told me that you were working on a fireproof building" exclaimed Mrs. Clancy.
Tombstone epitaph., 1915-07-04
Its AHicticn.

Whats the matter with that infan industry"
 Il think it has infant paralysis
Tombstone epitaph., 1915-07-04
So Says the Bachelor.

Of modesty men naturally have All that's to be desired; But most women seem to think -Tis a thing to be acquired.
Tombstone epitaph., 1915-07-04

The dollar may not mean happiness, but it means comfort, and you can't blame people for loving it.
Tombstone epitaph., 1915-07-04
Suspicious Precautiop.

Did he marry for money?"
 Well. he always makes her wear a veil when they go out together"
Tombstone epitaph., 1915-07-04

When a man says. Tt isn't the mon ey. but the principle of the thing" put that with the other flapdoodle.
Tombstone epitaph., 1915-07-04

Advertising will put lightweight IF. the limelight. but it will not always keep him there.
Tombstone epitaph., 1915-07-04

Don't be misled. Ask for Red Crosl Bag Blue. Makes beautiful white clothes At all good yrocers. Adv.
Tombstone epitaph., 1915-07-04

Jones mother-in-law is certainly a neryy woman"
 What has she done?"
 She has threatened to sue him for non-support"
Tombstone epitaph., 1915-07-04
The Usual Thing.

Mrs. Askit-Do you keep a servant? Mrs. Notifies. and several of her relaticns.-lndianapo Star.
Tombstone epitaph., 1915-07-04

Some men are such clever liars that they can even explain to the satisfac- tion of their wives where they have been.
Tombstone epitaph., 1915-07-04

The rule is that the man who is handy" about the house isn't much good downtown.
Tombstone epitaph., 1915-07-04

If Mexico doesn't behave we'll stop speaking to her.
Tombstone epitaph., 1915-07-04
Avoiding Talk.

Keep out your tongue" the doctor says The while your pulse hen grab. A goodly scherne in many ways.
 IL saves a lot of gab.
Tombstone epitaph., 1915-07-04

Difference between China's John D.. and ours is about s3s0. .OO0, 900.
Tombstone epitaph., 1915-07-04

Laughs when robbed of her gems" She's an actress
Tombstone epitaph., 1915-07-04

It is foolish to acquire principal at the sacrifice of principle.
Tombstone epitaph., 1915-07-04
Bruin the Huqqer.

Mary-Speaking of animals, which is your favorite?
 Hazel-The bear
 Mary-Oh, yes; of course.
Tombstone epitaph., 1915-07-04
Forebod dina.

'I won't ride in that parlor car that's named the Comet" Why not!"
 Because comets are always being felescoped."
Tombstone epitaph., 1915-07-04
At the Club.

50 our proposal was laid on the table. after all.'
 'I thought it would be dished''
Tombstone epitaph., 1915-07-04

Some prize fighters might as we'll stand up and be counted out
Tombstone epitaph., 1915-07-04

Loss of memory is no calamity in case of fool.
Tombstone epitaph., 1915-07-04
The Out and Out Truth,

Was the man the same one that brought the bill before~ Yes"
 Did you say that I was out9'' No; told him I thought he was
Tombstone epitaph., 1915-07-04
Maybe a Peanut.

Why do you think he has a family tree?"
 Because he's nut"
Tombstone epitaph., 1915-07-04
It's Outcome.

Who won at the tea fight?"
 Nobody. It was a drawn battle."- Baltimore American
Tombstone epitaph., 1915-07-04

With every man his own police
 man." who'd call the "cop?"
Tombstone epitaph., 1915-07-04

If man disputes a claim made by a preacher the members of the preach CTS church consider him an infidel.
Tombstone epitaph., 1915-07-04

A musical education does not always put harmony in discordaDt soul
Tombstone epitaph., 1915-07-04

Never call a bluff unless sure that il is not the real thing.
Tombstone epitaph., 1915-07-04
Balancing the Scale

Isn't that song rather low?" Yes, that's why I'm singing 1t at the top of my voice."
Tombstone epitaph., 1915-07-04

Love that survives dyspeptic cook cry will endure forever
Tombstone epitaph., 1915-07-04

Innocent youngsters plead guilty, evidently hoping 10 go free.
Tombstone epitaph., 1915-07-04
Division Into Compartments Plan That Works Well in a Num-
 Der of Ways.
FLOOR OF LIME OR CONCRETE
@ermer Has Some Advantages That eeuitrymen Will Reeosnixe-Many insist That t Makes Only
 FauitIess Floor For
 the Aenhouse,
By WILLIAM H. RApFoRp,

MT William A. Radford will answer questions and give advice FREE OF COST on all subjects pertaining to the subject Of building work on the farm. for the readers of this paper. On account of Ills wide experience as Editor Author and Manufacture. he is. without doubt, the highest authority on all these subjects. Address all inquiries to William A Rad ford No. 1877 Prairie avenue. Chicago, III, and only inclose two-cent stamp for reply.
Tombstone epitaph., 1915-07-04
converts

Sour-faced piety seldom lands many converts
Tombstone epitaph., 1915-07-04
lt Seems So.

They are always bragging of their ancestors"
 Yes, from the way they talk you would almost imagine they had se- lected them themselves"
Tombstone epitaph., 1915-07-04
Proof of It.

Proof of 1t. The fellow in that automobile ac- cident was full of grit .'I should imagine so from the amount of it that was picked out of his teeth"
Tombstone epitaph., 1915-07-04

Mir. Pinfeather-Do you object to me on account of my age?
 The Widow Wisely-No, On ac count of your extreme youth.
The Tucumcari news and Tucumcari times. [volume] (Tucumcari, N.M.) 1907-1921, 1915-06-03
EXCELLENT DRY FARM CROP
Success lie Attained by Deep Flowing,
Thin Planting and Everlsstinsiy
Working the Soil.

Potatoes make a good dry farm crop
In the right place, but unless you are
In a potato belt there Is nothing doing,
and the only way TO find out Ia 10 ask
the %neighbors or test It out by plant.
ing a few. ",
The best seed is large fine potatoes.
Occasionally small potatoes may be
used but In buying them II Is impossi.
BILE 10 tell how many generations OF
small potatoes are at the back OF
them.
II would do nc harm 10 plant small
potatoes from n good crop OF large
ones. but the continued selection OF
small sizes for two or three genera.
tons would tend TO reduce the aver.
age size throughout the crop.
The potato crop Is maze by deep
blowing. thin planting and everlasting.
ly working the soil until the tubers
have made their growth.
An acre Of potatoes IN growing has
TO move out OF place from five 10 ten
tons Of earth 10 make room for the
tubers and the more frlable the soil
the easier the work, the less material
converted into energy, and the larger
the potatoes.
Sod land deeply plowed and prop
erly worked is also good for potatoes.
They should be planted in rows
three feet apart and about two feet
apart In the row, m eye to each
hill One eye may send up two or
three sprouts; this Is our chance TO
adapt the plants TO conditions II the
weather IS dry pinch on all but one;
but II the outlook is wet. two may be
left on.
The Tucumcari news and Tucumcari times. [volume] (Tucumcari, N.M.) 1907-1921, 1915-06-03
TOO MUCH FOR JUDGE GARY
Youthful Lawyer Made Technical En-
rer In Billiard Contest win
Legal Veteran.

Judge Martin. as a young lawyer and
on first arrival In Chicago, thought
himself fortunate In gaining an intro.
duction TO Judge Gary-the Gary who
tried he anarchists. The Judge took
n shine to the young chap and pro-
posed q game OF billiards, wherein
Martin made q technical error that
he remembered for long. Gary played
an old mans game. and Martin then
as now, was particularly handy with
q cue.
Picture a contest OF thlrty.four
points with four balls on a AZ by Q
table. The Judge (barely ~bending),
with a childish bridge and a nerve.
less stroke, missed his first shot. Mar.
tin. In shirtsleeves. crouched over the
table like a jockey plotting n winner,
n applied himself to rolling up a
run. He had counted fifteen or TWEEN.
ty when he turned and saw the Judge
disappearing through the door and
moving with RULED dignity.
The Tucumcari news and Tucumcari times. [volume] (Tucumcari, N.M.) 1907-1921, 1915-06-03
PLANT SPUDS ON DRY LAND
Method 10 About Same 40 win Corn
Have Seed In Rows Three Feet,
Six Inches Apart.

The method OF planting is usually
about the same as that for corn. The
whole seed IL placed about twenty
inches apart In the row and the row
three feet six inches apart. They are
covered to a depth OF from two and
one.half to four inches. The rows are
narrowed crosswise after planting and
this narrowing or tickling Is kept up
FOR ten days or so. or until the plants
are too large. then the c%ultivator Is
used the remainder OF the season The
purpose OF this narrowing and cultiva.
ton Is TO prevent the evaporation OF
moisture and to destroy the weeds.
Some farmers advocate the c%ultivating
every ten days. or as often as the con.
dition OF the soil permits. In our dry
land region the surface OF the soil
should never become crusted.
Potatoes handled In this way nearly
always produce a favorable crop. How.
,ver. there may be a few factors that
VIII interfere with the production OF a
COCO crop. In nearly all parts OF tho
West the potato beetle causes a great
deal OF damage. No one need expert.
ence much difficulty with this bug II
a rigid process of spraying is followed.
The vines are sprayed with a solution
OF paris green. In the proportion OF one
pound to twenty gallons OF water. This
will treat a large area OF the potatoes.
In the application OF this solution We
should never place It upon the vines
when there Is danger OF rain, but Il
should be applied early in the morning
OF some bright, clear day. Two or
three crops OF potatoes can be raised
upon the same land in succession II
care Is used In the method OF soil
preparation and In seed selection.
The Tucumcari news and Tucumcari times. [volume] (Tucumcari, N.M.) 1907-1921, 1915-06-03
DON'T USE CAYENNE PEPPER
Liver Disease and Kindred Troubles
Are General Result OF Use OF
This Strong Spice.

The writer is strongly opposed to
the use OF cayenne pepper. He knows
from past experience that liver dis.
ease and kindred troubles are the
general result when his strong spice
Is used. but II that condiment is placed
In n preparation OF spices there no
doubt Is a medicinal virtue In IL.
Condition powder II rightly made !s
composed OF such ingredients as work
on the blood which In turn purihes
the system and nips In the bud any
disease germs that may be starting.
says a writer in Texas Stockman.
Furthermore a reliable powder will
strengthen the organs which must
make egg production more easy and
natural. or course there must be q
judicious use OF all stimulating prep.
arations-just enough to gain the
point desired.
II Is not In the use, but the abuse,
that condition powder or any stlmu.
liant like corn. buckwheat or barley
gets that makes II dangerous to fowl
life.