davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1915-10-14
THE couNTERsleN.

A Scottish territorial was having his
first experience of night duty and was
feeling little nervous. The pass
word was discount"
In the darkest of the small hours a
black form suddenly stepped up to
him.
'Wh-wh-who goes there?" he chal-
lenged.
Friend" was the reply.
Advance, f-f-friend and give the DID,
discount"
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1915-10-14
A Shy Shopper.

That fellow has been lodging
around the hosiery department for
hours Is he shoplifter?"
"Oh, no. said the fioorwalker Il
know the symptoms He has been
ordered to buy some stockings for
his wife, and he is trying to catch
moment when there are no women at
the hosiery counter"
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1915-10-14
It Would Seem So.

Old Skinner-Yes. | advertised for
handy man to work about the prem
ises. l want a man who doesn't chew.
smoke. drink or gamble.
Applieant-And the wages?
Old Skinner-Six dollars week.
Applicant-Huh. guess you want
man that doesn't eat. either.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1915-10-14
Somewhat Different.

Il have just finished reading an &C
count of how they burned heretics at
the stake in ancient times" said the
moralizer. Such barbarism would not
be tolerated in this enlightened age"
mo, indeed" rejoined the democrat.
izer. THE modern hereto is let of
with roast in the religious journals"
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1915-10-14
dictated. but Not Read.r

Issued by local tailor: THE sea-
son is near and hav the honor to in
form the Public that we do all kinds
Repairing and Pressing on Ladies 8
Gents, with perfection at moderate
price.
"All you have to do is to try me
and we'll Concince yourself Remem-
Der to Patronice home trad. Boston
Globe.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1915-10-14
The Real Test.

Il don't see how that little Mrs.
Grumpy can seem SO well satisfied
with her husband. He never kisses
her or shows her any mark like that.
of affection"
Maybe not, but he gives her spend
ing money without her ever having to
ask for it."
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1915-10-14
A Sliding Scale.

What's your fee for legal advice?"
inquired the prospective client.
THAT depends" replied the lawyer.
''If you merely want me to tell you
charge you five dollars, but If you
want to find out how you can do what
the law forbids. and get away with
1t, my fee is from 500 up"
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1915-10-14
Paw Knew EN- Both.

Little Lemuel-W What is pessimist
paw?
Paw-A pessimist son. is man who
meets trouble half way.
Little Lemuel-And what is an op
timist?
Paw-An optimist is man who
doesn't meet trouble at all If he sees
it first.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1915-10-14
sinauIarIy inappropriate.

Mrs. Jonsing-Dis hyah new minis
ter am fine preachah, but he am de
leanest an skinniest young man eb-
bah see!
Mrs. Black-Yes, an he done tole
nah husband, what weighs $40. to be-
war les he should be weighed in de
balance an foun' wantin'!-Puck.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1915-10-14
What He Was rhinklna OF.

Mrs. Bacon-l see to obtain abso
lutte quiet Dutch scientist has had
three rooms constructed, one inside
another, and has created vacuums be-
tween the walls.
Mr.. Bacon-Oh. well, every married
man couldn't afford to go to that ex.
pense, dear.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1915-10-14
Exposed to- Termination.

Il hope you will be happy, Mary"
said the mistress to her maid, who
was leaving to get married.
Thank you, ma'am. My young
man is very steady, considering his
environment"
What does he do, Mary?"
Hes valet to young millionaire,
ma am"
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1915-10-14
seekinu solace.

"Bliggins is careful not to let golf
interfere with business
He has to be" replied Miss
Cayenne. Nothing but good business
could take his mind off his bad golf"
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1915-10-14
AS She Saw 1t.

Him very seldom associate with
anyone who knows more than do
Her-What dreary, lonesome life
you must leadl
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1915-10-14
Familiar odor.

This is the age of gasoline,
truth we realize full well,
AS proved by the signs of all men seer
And also by our sense of smell.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1915-10-14
His Probable Future.

What becomes of the young man
who rocks the boat?"
IF he survives" replied Miss Cay
enne. 'he probably grows up to be the
man who builds excursion steamers
without keels."
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1915-10-14
Dead Letters,

A legislative act, though fair.
May oft be far from strong,
We pass law with patient care,
And then pass it along.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1915-10-14

Father-Well, my boy, | don't know
of any way to make living honestly
except by working for it.
Son-Oh! spruce up, dad, and shake
those obsolete ideas of yours.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1915-10-14
Facts in the Case.

Mrs. Dash-Are you still keeping
boarders?
Mrs. Hash-No; my boarders are
keeping me.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1915-10-14
Repartee.

81 came to STEEL" said the funny
rat.
And l spring to embrace you," re-
joined the matter-of-fact steel trap, as
it gathered the newcomer in.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1915-10-14
Paws Idea of Il.

Little Lemuel-Say, paw, is the
snare Of a drum kind Of trap?
Paw-No, son. You are probably
thinking of the snare of the willy
drummer.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1915-10-14
Anuel johnny.

Johnny, with thirst for gore.
Nailed the baby to the floor;
Mother said. with a weary shrug:
Johnny. dear. don't spoil the rug"
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1915-10-14
Talking It Over.

Man husban' amt been arrested in
25 years."
Mines up TO- life, too"
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1915-10-14

But it doesn't take blunt person
long to come to the point.
The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1915-01-07
RISKS OF RED CROSS WORK
Doctors Who Operate on the Field
Under Fire Require Nerves
That Are Steady.

In the fighting area Red Cross work
ers are running greater risks than they
have ever done in past campaigns
Those who succor the wounded do not
now wait until the end OF a battle be-
fore they commence their humane
work, neither do they remain in safety
some distance at the rear. The num-
bers of the wounded in modern battle
are too great for that, and assistance
must be given to them on the battle
field itself, with shot and shell Whis-
Ting around. Surgeons now make
their way along the trenches under
heavy fire, carrying small surgical
cases which contain a number of alb
solutely necessary medicines. These
include pain-killing drugs, such as
morphine, antiseptics and syringes. On
the wounded soldier himself a first-aid
outfit can be found, as every military
man carries in his knapsack a little
packet OF antiseptic gauze and a roll
Of bandages. The surgeon makes his
patient as comfortable as possible and,
If he can, Gags him to a point where
the bursting shells are not likely to
injure him. Then, on his hands and
knees, the plucky worker makes his
way along the rows of dead and
wounded, taking as many, if not more
risks than the "Tommies" themselves.
OF course, working under such try
ing conditions the surgeon cannot do
all he would wish for the wounded
BY means Of injections from his hypo-
dermic syringe he temporarily allevi'
ates their pain, and in serious cases
stops bleeding by tightly knotted
bandages placed round the injured
limb, while broken bones he puts in
a "splint," provided, in many instances,
by the stricken soldiers bayonet.
The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1915-01-07
Birds Fly From Battle.

One OF the war correspondents has
noted the complete absence OF birds
from the battlefields OF northern
France and the consequent profusion
OF spiders and other cognate crawling
things. Birds always desert scenes OF
heavy guniire; and, what Is more. they
often do not return for many years.
All birds left the theater OF war in
South Africa, and II Is only now--l4
years later--that they are returning.
Meanwhile South Africa has suffered
from a yexatous plague OF ground In.
sects-"tecks," AZ they call them over
there. II Is not supposed that the
African birds left the country. Blu,
that they merely retired to some re
mote and peaceful part OF the veldt
The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1915-01-07
FIND CAUSE OF S0URNESS
Giant Elephant at New York Zoo is
an Actor and Naturally Tenn
peramental.

At last Doctor Hornaday and Ray
mond L. Ditmars of the Bronx zoo
have found out just why Gunda, in ad-
dition to being the largest elephant
in captivity, has steadily built up a
reputation as the greatest section OF
elephant hide encasing the largest
chunk of temperament in the known
world.
The answer is easy. Gunda's tenn
permanent is due to the fact that Gunda
has become an actor. Temperament
simply oozed from every pore when
Gunda was called forth at long range
to pose for the series of moving pic
lures that are being taken of the zoo
animals for Curator Ditmars.
Register sweetness and light,
there's a good Gunda," called the mo-
vie director as Gunda was led out
and the camera began to click.
Gunda, missing the cue, instantly
tried to register murder, fire, and sud
den death Doctor Ditmars, who had
been in the act Of stepping up to
Gunda and Offering the elephant a
loaf of bread, changed his mind and
went away from there. The last heard
of one of the movie men was in the
form of a long yell retreating through
Yonkers.
But Doctor Ditmars got his pictures
of Gunda in the act of being tempera-
mental finally, and they are now being
shown by Doctor Ditmars these d~s
at the Brooklyn Institute of Arts an0
Sciences.-New York Sun.
The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1915-01-07
500 Reward 500.

The readers Of this paper will be
pleased 70 learn that there Is at least
one dreadful disease that science has
been able 10 cure In all It's stages, and
that is Catarrh Halls Catarrh Cure
is the only positive cure now known to
the medical fraternity Catarrh being
a constitutional disease, requires q
constitutional treatment. Halls Ca.
tarrh Cure Is taken internally, acting
directly upon the blood and mucous
surfaces OF the system, thereby destroy
ing the foundation Of the disease, and
giving the patient strength by building
up the constitution and assisting nature
In doing It's work. The propretors
have 80 much faith in It's curative pow
ers that they offer One Hundred Dol.
lars for any case that il fails 10 cure.
Address, F. j. CHENEY q Co, Toll
edo, Ohio.
Sold by all Druggists, 75c.
Take Halls Family Pills for consti-
patton. Adv.
The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1915-01-07
Try This For Neuralgia.

Thousands of people keep on suffer
ing with Neuralgia because they do
not know what to do for it. Neuralgia
is pain in the nerves. What you
want to do is to soothe the nerve it
self. Apply Sloan's Liniment to the
surface over the painful part-do not
rub it in. Sloan's Liniment penetrates
very quickly to the sore, irritated
nerve and allays the inflammation
Get bottle OF Sloan's Liniment for
25c. of any druggist and have it in the
house-against Colds, Sore and Swollen
Joints, Lumbago, Sciatica and like all
ments. Your money back If not salts
fed, but it does give almost instant re-
lief. Adv
The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1915-01-07
PROVES MAN OF STANDING
ply in Walters Idea Of
Having Credit.

For the twentieth time Dave, the
waiter, pushed pencil insinuatingly
toward the regular customer as he pre-
scented the check for the meal. For
the twentieth time the regular GUS
toner, heroically resisting temptation,
averred that he had always paid cash
and always meant to pay cash.
Dave" he added. you shouldn't
tempt me this way. Don't you think
man ought to be proud Of paying cash
or his meals? I'm proud Of it. Don't
tamper with my virtue"
Whereat Dave, looking pityingly
upon the customer, enunciated the fol
lowing:
Proud? Why should you be
proud? Hasn't it ever occurred to you
that anybody-some one we've never
seen in our lives at this restaurant
and don't know from Adam.-can come
In here and pay cash for what he gets?
Now | ask you, can any Tom, DICK
or Harry sign his check?
No, sir To have credit, man must
have standing. The fact that you sign
for your meals gives you a standing.
1t means that you're regular fellow;
that you're known and respected. Pay
cash? Bab! Amy fool can do that's"
Without another word the regular
customer picked up the pencil, wrote
his name on the check, and put down
q quarter for tip.
"Confound you, Dave" he said;
you've converted me-"
The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1915-01-07
WHAT THE HORSES CARRY
French, German and Austrian AMI.
mails Are Taxed More Than
English and Russian.

Cavalry are playing an unexpected
y large part in he war; and the
weight carried by cavalry horses In
the various armies S Of interest. The
British cavalry is armed with the
short Enfield rife, the magazine
of which holds ten rounds; the sword,
which is carried by IL ranks cxcept
signalers; and the revolver, carried
by warrant officers, staff sergeants,
sergeants, trumpeters and rivers.
Each trooper carries 100 rounds OF
ammunition in a bapdolier over the
left shoulder. Lancer regiments carry
the lance. Each cavalryman (like the
infantrymanD carries IN emergency
and the iron" ration and a ration for
his horse. Then here Is the kit. AL
together the British troop-horse car
ries about two hundred and eighty
pounds.
The regular Russian cavalry are
armed with sword, rife and bayonet,
and each man carries 40 rounds OF
ammunition. There are the two days
oats and hay ration, cloak, and an
entrenching tool. The cavalryman's
kit, two days rations, spare horse
shoes, horse blanket, canvas bucket,
and mess-tin go to form the com
plete equipment, and weigh altogether
about one hundred and nineteen
pounds. The Cossack pony carries
about two hundred and thirty-eighl
pounds. The average weight carried
by the Indian troop horse when ready
for war is about two hundred and six
ty-six pounds. The Austrian troopers
carry a weight between two hundred
and eighty and two hundred and
eighty-six pounds, and the average
in the French and German armies is
about the same.-Manchester Guard
ian
The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1915-01-07
THURSDAY, JANUARY 7, 1915

Generally speaking, the lumber in
dustry in the United States is not, at
the present time in fourishing con-
dition. The New York Commercial,
however, sees prosperity ahead because
OF the probability OF large orders from
Europe when the hostilities among
the warning nations have ceased.
"Lu7ber,n says the Commercial,
twill be our leading export to some OF
the countries now devasLate by war,
and it's relative Importance in our in
dustraI life will be greater than ever"
The lumber industry in the United
States has followed the forests from
one section Of the country to another,
important in one locality for few
years and shifting TO another base OF
action with the exhaustion of the sup
pls OF raw material. The bulk of the
lumber cutting is now being done in
the southern states and on the Pacific
Coast.
The lumber and woodworking indus
tries of the United States are Of first
Importance in number Of wage-earners
and in number of establishments.
Despite the talk of vanishing timber
supply, the business of producing lum-
Der has been steadily growing. With
out conservation, of course, it cannot
increase forever, for timber Is destroy
ed at much more rapid rate than it
can be reproduced. The Federal Gov
eminent, the States and, in many in
stances, the lumber companies them
selves have been giving attention in
recent years 10 the conservation OF sup
ply. This is possible through the set
ting aside Of forest reserves, the care
ful management OF woodland proper
ties the reforestation Of denuded areas
and the planting Of trees in general in
places where trees may be reasonably
expected to grow.
There are many substitutes for lum.
Der, and the trend OF building opera.
tions is toward more substantial ma
terial, but the production of lumber
does not decline. 1t may be tagging
at present, but there seems ample rea-
son TO expect future activity, especial
~ 10 view Of the possibility Of enlarg
ed foreign demand, as pointed out by
the Commercial.
The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1915-01-07
SAVED TRAIN BY SAFETY PIN
New-Fan9led Gown Caused Something
OF a Confusion at New York
Dance.

One of those new-fangled trains be.
came unswitched at recent dance at
the Claridge, according to the New York
Times, and when the owner discovered
her loss she and the man at the hotel
desk had a lot of trouble. 1t seems
that the new train is made so that 1t
can be worn or not worn, just as the
owner of the freak to which 1t belongs
fancies. When her friends expressed
their admiration Of Mrs. Camille Roe's
new frock, all went merry as a mar
rage bell until one Of these friends
became so enthusiastic over the way
Mrs. Roe managed her new train that
the latter drew out OF the dance to
explain.
"You see, 1t is like this" she began,
catching at her skirt. She caught In
vain. There was nothing but the skirt.
The train had left the station. After
a hurried search about the room, Mrs.
Roe went out to see If the train had
arrived at the desk.
1--WE lost my train" she announced,
somewhat breathlessly.
The clerk Immediately got out his
train guide. He thought she was a
commuter who had overstayed her
time limit in town, and that she
wished to catch later train.
New Haven or New York Central,
ma'am?" he inquired, alphabetically,
as he hurriedly turned over the leaves.
The lady explained. The clerk rum
mayed among the things under the
counter. Nothing like a train here,
ma am" he reported, The only thing
we have is a girdle that the assistant
manager picked up and turned in here
little while ago" He held it up. 1t
was the train Mrs Roe had missed.
Pretty soon it was flying through
one-step, but it's ordinary couplings
had been REINFORCED with small safety
pins.
The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1915-01-07
LEGAL. NOTICES.

Order To Hear Petition For Final Settlement
IN NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS. COUNTY Court.
In the matter of the Estate of John Donovan,
Deceased
On reading and filing the petition of Daniel
Donovan, adm illustrator of the Estate of said
deceased for the adjustment and allowance of
his administration account and the assignment
of the residue of said Estate to such other
persons as are by law entitled to the same
It is ordered, that said account be examined,
adjusted and allowed at special term of said
Court to be held at the office of the County
Judge in the city of Manitowoc in said Coun-
ty, on Tuesday, the 18th day of January
A. d., 1915.
1t is further ordered, that upon the adjust.
ment and allowance of such account by this
Court as aforesaid the residue of said Estate
be by the further order and Judgment of this
Court. assigned to such persons as are by law
entitled to the same
1t is further ordered that notice of the time
and place of examination and allowance of
such account, and of the assignment of the re-
sidue of said Estate, be given to all persons in
terested, by publication of this order for three
successive weeks, before said day, in the Man
itowoc Pilot, weekly newspaper printed and
published at the city of Mantowoc and State
of Wisconsin.
Dated, December Sth, 1914
By the Court,
JOHN CHLOUPEK,
County Judge.
Hougen a. Brady, Attorneys
Pub. Dec. Il, "A, 81.
The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1915-01-07
French Schools Reopened.

The schools of France have partial
iy resumed, after holidays which
started early in July. They are badly
disorganized, however, both on ac-
count of the fact that fully $4,000
schoolmasters are serving with the
colors, and that many Of the older
boys are on the firing line. By order
of the minister of public instruction
the first lesson of the term took the
form of an address by the headmaster
ON the war, commemorative those who
have fallen already in defense of the
country.
In the girls schools, two hours a
day are to be spent knitting for the
soldiers.
The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1915-01-07

IN PROBATE-Mapitow County Court
In the Matter of the Estate of Wenzel Kabat
deceased
Notice to Creditors.
Letters administration on saidEstate having
been issued to Emil Svatek on the nth day
of December, A. d. 1914 and six months from
and after said day being allowed and limited
for creditors to present their claims of which
notice Is hereby given, and further that the
undersigned will, on the third Tuesdays, being
the fifteenth day of June A. ID. 1915 at the
Probate Office in the City of Manitowoc, In
said County, examine and adjust allsuch claims
and demands so presented and filed
Dated Dec llth, 1914.
JOHN CHLOUPEK
County Judge
A. P. Schenan Attorney
Pub. Dec Il, 81, 81, JAM
The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1915-01-07
Distances Near Suex.

Once again the makers OF maps are
busy Most Englishmen had a vague
idea that the Egyptian frontier ends
with the Suez canal. That IN not the
case. From the map you will perceive
that the British occupation extends
across the very arid Sinai peninsula;
the desert that cost the Children OF Is.
rael 40 years to cross London
Chronicle.
The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1915-01-07

Carpani the poet, once asked his
friend Haydn. how it happened that
his church music was almost always
Of an animating, cheerful and even
gay description To this .ladyn's
answer was: II cannot make IT oth.
erwise. | write according to the
thoughts which feel When think
upon God my heart is SO full OF JOY
that the notes dance and leap. as It
were, from my pen and since God
has given me a cheerful heart 1t VIII
be easily forgiven me that serve
him with q cheerful spirit
The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1915-01-07

The United States should be able to
produce ali the food that is necessary
for home consumption with large sur.
plus for export TO other countries But
the United States is not doing this.
The latest available figures show that
the exports and imports of foodstuils
just about balance each other.
The people OF Canaua just TO the
north Of US, produce % per cent more
foodstUifs than they consume. Argen.
tina, down in South America, produces
A. per cent more than she consumes
In the United States, with rapidly
increasing population, we are prodnc
ing practically no more than we eat.
Figures recently compiled by the
United States Department Of Agricul.
ture show that England produces about
So per cent Of her food requirements;
Belgium, 81 per cent; France, W per
cent; and stria-Hungary, % per cent,
These countries are now at war, and
this production, already inadequate 20
the needs Of their population, is bound
70 be still further reduced Among
the various countries now at war Rus.
STA is the only surplus pr oducer Of food.
stunS, and the Russian surplus is not
large.
The best thing the farmers OF the
United States can do in the year 1915 is
TO increase food production. There
need be no fear Of overproduction OF
any commodity which Is essential to
the ie"ding Of The worlds population