The Washington herald., 1915-08-14
Our Social Attitudes.
BY JOHN d. BARRY.

girl. Some years before the mother had sepa
rated from the father, supposed to be a worth
less character, Two of the children she showed
that she loved dearly, the girl and one of the
boys. The other boy, she used to say, had in
herited the fathers bad traits. Against those
traits she was constantly waging war. One result
was that her relations with the boy were strained
Toward him, quite unconsciously. l used to
think, she used manner very different from her
affectionate way with the other cfiidren-de-
tached, critical, and cold And yet it was plain
that of the three he most in need of her SYM
pathy and confidence. Her treatment of him
was natural enough and human But she was
doing exactly what most harmful to the boy
and what was most likely to lead to complete
estrangement. She seemed to take pleasure in re-
minding him of his bad qualities and making hin,
feel i'll at She probably had the notion that
in this way, she could make those qualities odious
in his eyes. But she succeeded only in driving hin,
deeper into himself. and in taking from him an
influence that might have saved him from HIM
self. As 1 used to watch the relations between
the two would speculate on the curious anomaly
| OF life that made those most in need of love and
of all the help that went with love, as rule. the
/ most neglected and the most denied, enveloped,
not in an atmosphere of kindly feeling that would
be stimulating, but in GOODNESS.
Goodness is, indeed one of the most pernicious
forces in social relations. 1t is nearly always an
expression of the morally superior people and the
critical Often it operates like blow in the face.
Unexpectedly. seemingly without reason, it can
| convey reproof contempt indifference. Usu-
ally it is unconscious OF itself And yet, through
the reactions starts often receives sensational
reminders. The people who take the cold and
critical attitude create about them an atmosphere
OF uneasiness and of self-conscousness. Inciden-
tally, through having to be in this atmosphere
themselves they often feel the discomfort as a
rule, however, without suspecting that they are
the cause In many instances, on the other hand
they self-satished so wrapt up in them
selves. that they completely lacking in sensi-
tiveness, in the delicacy of feeling that would
make them alive to the effect of heir attitude.
Many children suffer from GOODNESS and, as
result, crippled, perhaps for life. There are
moral wrongs done to the very children that may
seem to be the most carefully nurtured none the
less real for not being obvious. "As child
always had the feeling that | was nuisance and
in the way" | recently heard the mother OF three
children remark. so l made up my mind that
If l ever had children OF my I should try to
make them feel that they had their own place
and that it place of some importance and
that they were entitled to something more than
mere physical and moral care, that is, to respect
and love" The that has followed this
woman as mother seems to me to be a proof of
the wisdom of her attitude
For all people an atmosphere of disapproval,
OF criticism, of encouragement to incentive and
to self-rcspect, is hard to bear. 1t is also the
cause of many disaster TO character, through
leading to the self-depreciation and to the indf-
ference that makes effort futile Those who take
us at generous valuation inspire us to our best
Even IT what We regard best may not be
much more than seeming it nevertheless draws from
us recognition OF true worth. Furthermore, it
plants in the mind an ideal that may flower into
reality. Many weak character has been made
strong through being trusted and loved Many
strong character has been manned and enfeebled
feel that | can really be something" once heard
a remark. At the time what he called
luck was running against him: But it met pow.
sustained with confidence. Now the man is sue
cussful and vigorous. He has become the power
that his life-partner made him feel that he was.
There has been an immense amount of power
lost through the discouragers of the world physi
cal, mental and moral On all sides sees them
operating. Sometimes they are inspired by un-
worthy motives. such as envy or jealousy. Oft
ener they enslavcd by the critical habit SO
common in our life and by the spirit OF conserva-
tism that nstinctly recoils from enterprise Their
attitude carries the illusion of righteousness and
Superiority. 1t is so much easier to resent and
to ridicule and to disheartcn than to discriminate
and to understand and to stimulate. The real |
helpers of their fellow beings few. The him
derers are multitude, and among them will be |
found many of those highly esteemed.
There are, of course, conditions in life where !
we are all eager helpers. When, after long fail
ure man wins success, how the applause rains |
upon him and speeds him But the test comes i
to us when see failure. Then encouragement
is sweetest and of most worth. Think of the peo-
pie you know who not getting on. Do YOU
treat them as well as you treat the prosperous!
Do you help to make the conditions around them
depressing or stimulating? "The people / hate
most in the world" once heard bitter man say. |
are the people that make me feel unsuccessful"
Even after he was successful, he kept much of his
bitterness, making his success the less enjoyable
and satisfying. But in his attitude there some
For those who had treated him
we'll when he regarded as of no account, he
kept warm regard.
In all kinds of success, even in the successful
living called by such names goodness saint
iness there is often to be observed detachment
that is by no means edfying. 1t seems to indi-
cate that the has brought its penalties in
the way of loss loss of understanding and SYM
pathy and good will On the other hand, there
are many who. through success grow rich in