The Washington herald., 1915-06-06

I calf went blind next day and ran against
| the barn and broke his neck, and the
good man has always laid it up asinst
me.
At the end of ten minutes of the widest
applause ever heard in Jericho. l arose
and promised to lead the company across
the Rio Grande. Thcn there were
old Pap, Our captain! Our hero, Our
noble leader,'
Every sleeping babe in Jericho was
aroused-every chicken was lifted off
| the roOSt, and every wife who had a
husband at the hail prepared to see
| him come home with jag on. 1t
| would have done the patriots who fell at
Bunker Hill n heap of good could they
have been alive 10 see and to hear
Next day we began to drill. 1t was
risht-face and left-face until even the
lbow-legsed men could go through with
! it as perfectly as 4 floor-walker
On the second day We adopted a watch
We Don't Care A Darn Which,"
On the third day We gave our COM
pany a name. 1t was suggested that
we call ourselves The Jericho Rang
ers. The Crimson Angels and The
Pnkham Death-Heads." but as we want
ed something to strike terror into the
hearts of the Mexicans while We were
yet hundred miles away. We finally
settled on ''Pinkham's Hellbents."
1t wasn't over two minutes after we
had settled on the name when every
mans face wore a ferocious scowl, and
he was chanking his teeth and froth-
ing at the mouth. AS we marched
across the court house square horses
broke loose and dogs ran bowling away.
We must have presented a terrible sight
We were still drilling and looking as
fcrocious as we could when Mrs. Pink
ham says to me:
Pap. they never'll do it,
DO what"
Go to war"
Why they are dying to-
so are the geese
Woman. do you mean
You couldn't draw one out of this town
But don't l know patriotism and fe-
rociousness when l see them" / asked.
And then she made 4 suggestion that
followed | called a meeting of the
company, and when it was assembled,
looking more ferocious than ever, / told
them that We should probably be on our
way to Mexico within three days. I
hoped and knew, / said. that to a man
they would come up and he sworn into
the service of Uncle Sam and that every
man would die sooner than surrender.
The silence was that of the grave for
a minute. and then Ephraim Flatbush
rose up and said that he couldn't go to
war until his old snags of teeth were
removed and artificial ones substituted
The company might 70 on, and he could
follow them in month or two. He
wasn't A vain man by any means, but he
didn't propose to face even an enemy
without being able to show good teeth.
GodlOve Schemerhorn had meant to be
the first man of the 'Hellbents'' to step
foot on Mexican soil. but had been ex-
amined by the doctor and told that he
had a weak heart and must stay at home
and drink buttermik. He was most
ferociously anxious to battle his hands
and feet In Mexican gore. but the doctor
had positively said it must be lukewarm
water instead.
Hezekiah Startling had the number of
Mexicans he was to kill all pasted in
his hat. but terrible disappointment
awaited him. He had sold hogs for de-
livery six weeks hence, and If the mat
ter were left to his wife the driver would
cheat her out of at least one hog.
He didn't want any one to think he
was weighing his patriotism against
pork but business was business. After
the hogs were delivered he would hire
a special train to land him in Mexico.
and right in the thickest of a battle.
And so it went. until twenty warriors
had given their excuses and then the
following resolution was presented and
adopted:
Resolved that II is none of our burned
business about Mexico anyway, and we IL
keen out of it, OLD PAP PINkHAM.
Postmaster & EX-Warrior.