New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1915-01-06
aymen Crack Under the
strain and Emerge Wild
Eyed and Hoarse.
DANGEROUS TO STAND
LONG IN ONE SPOT
statesmen Carrying Medals and
Decorations Nab All Who
Get Within Reach.
Rv FRED HAWTHORNE.

" received 1895 separate and dis
..-.. invitations TO 60 automObiling
-..,,-6av. and u the polite statesmen at
~ Grand Central Palace automobile
~ take Us at our word and deliver
m .be different makes Of automobiles
-. bills win take just Sll2,97S 80 from
oar pay check.
afier realizing the number of ma
.L,-os fixtures. tires, oils, patent auto
,;r,r lighters. luncheon trunks and
.ter necessities and Injuries Of mod
-. sviomobIling on exhibition at the
p.isec our DAYS shopping does not
soer, so extravaganza
There arc four floors devoted entire
"a. N the display Of automobiles and
.b,ir accessories, and fully fifteen thou
- pcreors we're on hand 10 inspect
-, and listen 10 the Establishments
AZ the statesmen.
10 man. no matter how much of an
..,o maniac ne is. can fail TO be fitted
- COOS 20 the Palace and has the
.,,b With him. We sat in a solid silver
.rtomobilc with gold brocade curtains
80 svarsdowu cushions and footrests.
~ssr there were baby automobiles, so
,-sU they locked like go-carts, but
,b,eh could travel at-we don't know
tov terrific 81 speed and their price
ass a mere bscatelle.
Cushionsi Did you ever realize what
-ss' comfort mcans2 There are auto
-,obile cushions az the Palace that "tit
no hack" and WOO sleep. Three times
70 Rad 10 be prodded by the salesman
before VIC awoke from the delightful
soze induced hy one OF these traps for
ne weary man.
Some Of the higher priced machines
are marvels Of beauty in their interior
6eeorations. Once we thought we had
.r,rudod or lady's boudoir and
.;eppcd back with an apology. only 70
nave the salesman crate TO the effect
rat "this little electric is the acme
Of perfection. and especially suited to
.hs ladies. The upholstering IS all
ssrd.padded and eight inches thick and
fnished. as "a glance will convince, IN
he Louis XIV style
A. times we thought We we're in the
.sorscshoe" 40 the opera, there were so
r,rv rulchritudinous women reclining
GRACEFULLY IN gorgeous limousineS, with
,b,ir btiewellcd hands flashing Only
no voices Of the artists were missing.
And thew are not really needed, as all
,rse operagoers know.
Almost every salesman carried half
dozen medals and decorations on his
vsistccat. and AZ first we thought these
rtTart fellows had been honOred by
he Kaiser with the Iron Cross, but
-.omebody is always taking the JOY out
q life" and VIC learned that the
medals we're inscribed: ASK me about
he Ur6erland Six" or some such eryp-
lie words.
In TO the time we reached the see
s-d floor we knew all about automo-
siles. The gear shift, the sliding
transmission. the worm gear, the re
rerse clutch and the rigid chassis all
we're as an open book 70 US. But
shortly afterwsrd We lost our reason
,nid The whirl Of facts and figures and
became weakly. babbling creature.
We understood then why the people
coming ont Of the Grand Central Pal
ace as we went i'm were wild-eyed and
boarse OF voice. and why they rambled
sirlesslv about the "selective type.
direct transmission" and worm
gears" This buying an automobile is
fearful thing.
II is dangerous 10 stand in any one
sbot for more 'han two minutes al
"NIf IT inc NIMANs NnA0f Wv 49, e'N-'N
nan will get YOU If YOU don't watch
out Listen TO his plant: There's
rot another car in the show that you
can do that with-it's the reflex spring,
rves you that light and airy feeling
as YOU sweep along the road
These words are accompanied by,
rigorous jumping up and down on the
sDrngboard Of the car. and then
gentle, floating wave Of the hands. It's
very expressive.
There are hundreds Of other insldi-
Gus statesmen who will FIX you with
bssdy eve and assert that ANY man
vho buvs tho - car will get -"
or "You see we don't believe in plac-
inr more than one cam shaft on a I
Read"
We actually felt hurt. after we had
.eii The Palace. because the man on tnr