Middletown transcript., 1915-08-28

Mike and butted in with: Say, you be
the fat cuss that cut up with that
troupe at the Op'ry House last night,
beent you?"
mo, I'm the skeleton man with
circus" Mike answered, and the bar
tender roared with delight.
you don't look as how you took
much exercise" snickered Jabe.
But do take exercise. Oh. me for
that exercise thing. good and strong!"
protested Mike.
What kind of exercise do you
take?" Jabe inquired.
WELL" Mike answered, every
morning l swing the clubs for fifteen
minutes, then the dumbbells for ten
minutes, then l run about three miles
and then l get up and eat my break.
fast"
Jabe guffawed loudly over this bit
of facetiousness.
81 was at the op'ry House last
night" Jabe informed them, land
most laughed myself sick to the
stomach at this yere fat cuss takin' of
that Dutch policeman-ha, ha, ha, hal"
Jabe looked at the Juvenile. You
was putty good, too," he admitted,
'takin' of that newspaper reporter
and rescuin' the girl from the burnin'
STRUCTURE, but you didn't do no funny
fall and bust your galluses like this fat
cuss-ha. ha, ha, hal"
Get him to unhook the laugh; he's
a good steady listener" whispered the
Juvenile, and Mike started in.
Fine town this" Mike began. "All
the modern improvements, Ell? Cows
wear nickel-plated bells. streets paved
with grass, and the river has running
water"
''Ha, ha, ha, hal" Jabe roared.
Reminds me of a place we STRUCK
out in Missouri last winter" Mike
went on. Same style of public archi
lecture, especially the town pump. But
the hotel there was the hit with US. i
I was called the Declaration of Inde
pendence because the proprietor ha(
| married an Englishwoman and wanted
to be revenged. At supper time or
. dered a steak, and they brought me
leather hinge covered with gravy, 8,
: 1 got up to add an amendment to tn,
a Declaration of Independence. TIL
q head waiter was an ex-pugilist, so b.
Z put the boots to me and covered m,
4 amendment with bruises Then b
n made me eat the leather hinge, and TO
4 two weeks l felt like a garden gat
I and used to slam every time tn
7 wind blew"
Jabe's laugh shook the building.
Il 1.-The proprietor of that hotel was 8
patriotic" Mike continued, that h
&" wouldn't number the rooms like a
q ordinary hotel. Every room wa
# named in honor of President of tn
q United States. That evening theI
h happened to be a rush while l wa
e standing near the desk, and hear
% the clerk say: Front, show these gei
10 tlemen up to John Quincy Adams an
N tell the porter to take that trunk OF
n of the alcove in Thomas Jefferso
10 Front, go and put down that windo
IN in Rutherford B. Hayes, and, her
q. take this whisky up to Abraham Ii
ir coin. Front, what's all that racket
a James Buchanan? Here, take the
cigars to U. S. Grant, and turn {
4 the gas in Teddy Roosevelt But
y, nearly tainted when he said, 'Fro1
~ run a sofa into James A. Garfield, al
,e take this lady up to George Washin
tom"
,e Mortal Caesar! Ha, ha, ha, ha
ad roared Jabe. "Daggone, If that all
n. funny, you fat cuss!"
an When l quit them to take my ira
ia Mike had worn finger marks on t
rs side of the black bottle and Jabe h
nd signed a verbal contract to go on t
to stage as the Juveniles dresser.
do All of which goes to prove ii
I'd Splashburg isn't DO bad provided y
We don't have to v lit very long for
ID, train out