davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington herald., 1915-10-17

up to thirty years ago said the old
Snowman, as he got ready to tell his
story. 1.-The circus and menagerie were
separate institutions although they trav'
eled together"
The price Of admission to the circus
was 2S cents. and If you wanted to &c
into the menagerie, you had to pay l!
cents more. In those far-off days about
one.half the people we're pret1diced
they argued that he who attended a cir
Gus was bound for satan's dominions
while the menagerie was all right. and
the preacher could walk in for half price
and not lose his pulpit.
My FIRST season on the road was with
the menagerie. WAS hired as the
'spieler.' which you know is the man who
addresses the crowd in front of the tent.
I had a voice you could hear half a mile
away and people said / hads winning
way with me. At any rate. the proprie-
tor was satisfied with the crowd I drew
In for him"
.Oh, that menagerie, It was probably
as good as any on the road. but / have
10 laugh when l think of H. There was
an old elephant SO old and weak that he
could not travel over a highway better
than three miles an hour. and he was al
ways q mile or two behind the wagons.
There was q lion. toothless and almost
blind. We called him q Numidian lion.
because 1t sounded we'll. l confess to
whether Numid was in Africa or Rhode
Island Indeed. II was oply the other day
that q chap told me II was somewhere
IN Egypt. Any sort of dog could have
heked this old hon out Of his hide in two
had II otherwise in my little speech
1--WE had . camel who got tired of
walking the highway at intervals OF q
mile or two and lay down to rest. We
csraAd alonx with us an empty wagon.
The Washington herald., 1915-10-17

ser discovered his loss yet. At the din.
neL tapie Mrs. Bowser recovered heI
tragedy which was coming by ssyina
that she must have the gloves and hand.
kerchiets by Saturday at the latest She
wouio also need money to buy hosiery
Would MAKE tsenSf W Ssexpetftsd 9eI 9eI
his wallet He didn't make the ususi i
ses9re ~nen money was talked Of In
| stead OF that he said:
| An IN good time, honey I shall have
quite lump of cash on Friday and ]
caH spare you what you want
NO; tnls was not Bowser-Samuel Bow.
ser1out some other Bowser.
When they went I'D to the sittinp-roon
after dinner Mrs. Bowser made a more
| aggressive attack by saying:
= o,,a see you stopped and ordered that
I sugar this morning.
Yes. I always try and remember those
| things" 'ioSe
tried again:
Did you forget your wallet when you
such a hurry that I thought you might
worried all day"
No. ! did not forget it," he replied in a
You did not leave it at the grocery
| or lose it at the hands of a pickpocket %
why. no. Mrs. Bowser. You know
am a careful man.
when the door bell rang and she answ err
ed It to find the grocer's boy there again.
Mrs Bowser." he said. you are to be
arrested
.Why-what,"
We found a wallet after Mr. Bowser
left the store this morning, and thought
IT was his; I brought it up to the house
and and gave It to you. 1t was not Mr.. Bow
ser g. 1t belongs to a man named Sni-
ger. You took it in and kept it. If you
don't hand it over at once, Mr.. Snider is
going to have you sent to prison.
Mrs, Bo%ser ran and got the wallet
and handed 1t over and as she returned
manded:
What is this about a wallet and
man named Snider?'
'I-I-thought it was your wallet" she
My wallet? Why. here is my wallet
and It has been with me every minute
OF the day! There seems to be mys-
Mrs. Bowser remained silent great
light suddenly came to Mr.. Bowser. He
chuckled like a red squirrel: he gurgled
like brook: he grinned like a contor-
zionist. All of sudden, like boiler ex-
plosion. he went into the air. He laugh
ed-he shouted-he whooped and he
pounded his leg and bent backward and
forward. Mrs. Bowser and the cat fled
upstairs in terror and after Mr.. Bowser
had continued his riot for five minutes
he was obliged to go to the door to an
swer ring of the bell. II was a police
man who stood there and demanded:
is there maniac running loose in this
house,
L was only laughing" replied Mr.
Bowser.
But what a laugh, ! heard you half
block away
But. YOU see, my wife has the Joke on
me about forty mine times out OF fifty
This happens to be the tftieth time. She
thought l had lost my wallet and I
hadn't, and she took-took in-she took
And Mr.. Bowser broke loose again as
he shut the door and the officer paused
at the gate to say to himself:
Il think ! ought to have arrested him
That's just such laughter as my brother
Bill laughed two days before We took
him to lunatic asylum and he Is there
YETI
The Washington herald., 1915-10-17

tered the show with a 2-year-old child OF
each arm. They were twins They wer.
two cherubs. The father was mad be
cause the twins had been born and III
had determined on their death. He might
have thrown them into Lake Erie. but
he was afraid the angels in beaver
would not let them drown. He Nigh,
have placed them on a railroad track
and let long freight train run owe,
them but he was afraid that he would
he caught in the act.
Ladies and gentlemen. what did this
fiend of a father do? He plotted such a
death for the infants as no man had yet
heard of. He though our hyena was like
other hyenas and he therefore attended
our show with satanic plot in his head.
While our trainers were busy he slipped
up and opened the door of the hyena' 8
cage and tossed one child in after an
other. Then. amidst the screams and
shrieks Of the audience, he ran away.
Did our noble hyena bare his fangs
and bring forth and seize these innocent
not. He seemed to know that there was
dev!lish plot on foot and he carried
the twins in his teeth to a corner of hiu
cage and there began to purr and play
with them. 1t was sight that brought
both cheers and tears. After about ten
minutes the little darlings were safely
removed without scratch. The father
was arrested about an hour later and
you may be sure he will be sent to state
prison for the rest of his life
viii you say in the face of this.
good people, that the hyena is a vile
animal? No, YOU cannot. You must say
that his nature is noble above that Of the
king Of beasts. and that he is incapable
of q mean trick. You will find our
hyena on the left as you pass in but the
twins are no longer in the cage with him.
Speak gently aud kindly to the beast
and thus let him know that you have
heard the story I have Just related and
honor him for his actions
IT have related only a part of my
spiel" said the old Snowman but taken
as a whole. II was always a success.
The crowd at the circus might be thin.
owing to bad weather, but the menagerie
would always be sure to draw a crowd.
A crowd of today would not pay. a
nickle apiece to see such a NANCY lot Of
animals and the owner of the show
would be lucky II they did not tear his
lent down and ride him on q rail Any
thing would pass In the old. happy days.
but It II far different now You have got
10 have the goods and they must be all
WOOL and = ward ~iSa.'
The Washington herald., 1915-10-17
THE. OLD SNOWMAN
The Menagerie of the Olden Days

and when the camel refused to bulge
five or six men picked him up and tossed
him into the wagon We couldn't afford
to leave him behind. He cost the owner
SIS in cash and he had a hump on him
as big as dog kennel
We had a hyena. a fox. a coon and a
five-legged sheep; also the stuffed skin
of an aconda which was coiled up and
which had such bright eyes, Of glass that
it made shivers so over all who looked.
When We got ready to open the show
walked out in my fancy costume and
mounted box and began:
My good friends, l am glad to well
come you here. You came here to see
a sight for IS cents that you will never
see again for so Inside the tent is the
greatest menagerie on earth. Did YOU
ever see live lion? You will see one in
side. As near as We can figure he has
killed twenty men since he was captured.
1t took thirty strong and brave men to
after he was made prisoner he roared
and clashed his teeth night and day.
Every animal trainer employed to take
care of him said that he had temper
which never could be subdued. but after
he had been poked up with red hot irons
for two or three months. he became hum
BILE and docile. although vet has occa-
sional outbreaks. The other night at
his cage. We expect to be arrested for
this at any moment, and, of course.
the lion will be taken out and shot. We
offered the widow of the man who was
n Killed Sio. poo In gold as DAMAGES. but she
the tent you will see the lions cage on
the right and Bloody Dick" as he has
been called for the last fifty years. will
be laying down asleep
That speech" laughed the old show
Ing. ana then I branched of and con-
tinued:
The Washington herald., 1915-10-17


The dear old wallet and its contents
We're laid away with careful hand. and
Mrs. Bowser felt so good over what
would happen when tine loser reached
| home for dinner that the cook said ia
! her:
Did you get letter this morning
ma am. saying that your dear mother
would soon arrive here on a visit
No-why?"
Why. you are smiling all over"
Oh. was thinking about something
funny"
funny. sighed the cook. Since my
brother Tom died from a broken head. by
a poliCeman's hand because he was en-
ga Sed in little row. l have seen moth
ing to make me smile I think OF moth
ing but graveyards and ghosts and tomb
stones. and how poor Tom. had he lived
on. would probably have been the cham
pion lightweight of the world
During the long afternoon Mrs. Bow
ser smiled at intervals. and looked at the
clock al other intervals. She expected
that when Mr.. Bowser did come he
would come with rush and lay the loss
of the wallet to her as soon as he en-
tered The door. She was at the front
window looking out when Mr.. Bowser
dropped off the car. He was not in haste
He was not tiurried. As he came down
the walk he had a look of supreme CON
tentment. 1t did not seem possible that
a man who had lost a wallet with S2I6
in it could be so satisfied over it.
Hello, dear" he called out. as he en-
tered the hall. How have things gon.
today?'
Was that Mr.. Bowser-Samuel Bowser?
The man who had turned the roof OFF the
house when on an occasion he had lost
10 cents somewhere? Mrs. Bowser felt a
chill go over her. but she drove it away.
OF course it was Mr.. Bowser, and he had
lost an old wallet invented soon after
Columbus discovered America 1t was
jammed with wealth Hadn't Mr. Bow
The Washington herald., 1915-10-17

Il suppose you have read OF me IN the
papers, he said to the Chicaso patrd-
You haven't? Haven't you heard OF
Bald Eagle Bill of the Black Hills. the
man who dubbed six Injunes to death
in 1Ss4?"
You don't mean to tell me-" continued
the man as he pranced around. that
YOU haven't heard Of the man VINO
choked a mountain lion to death bare
handed?"
Never heard of him. sir
And you didn't read in the papers OF
the man who walked through Rattle
snake Cove barefooted and kicked the
Didn't see a line about it in the
papers," steadily answered the officer.
Look here said the stranger as he
came nearer, you must have children
Yes. sir
And those children go to SCHOOL,"
They do"
And every time they open their First
Readers they see a picture OF me as
appeared when saving the lives of ten
school children in Montana from pack
OF ferocious wolves. With my bowie
knife. sir and with no other weapon
bed. sir. and when I got through a score
Of the ferocious monsters lay dead at my
feet; sir: Haven't your children spoken
of the picture?
What am I trying to get att" repeat
ed the man as he began to prance again.
Why, sir, I am trying to make you ni'-
derstand that I am a dangerous man to
be at large in this town. l ought to be
watched. Some one ought to be at hand
to restrain me in case l turn loose.
II guess not" dryly replied the ofhcer
as he tapped the lamp post with his
club.
"You don't think I'm dangerous.
them
on wheels, and you won't damage any
body except with your mouth Better
move on and keep quiet"
You are talking that talk to me, are
you?' demanded the Bald Eagle from
the West in menacing tones.
"Yes, sir. and II you keep banging
around: here I'll run you In for . common
vas.-
Bald Eaele lBill into the coop along with !
. ssN~ ~hn d~~'t kn~. 80 go e
The Washington herald., 1915-10-17

: reau-In his shoe-in the clothes closet
under the labora tory-under the mat
tresS-nehlnd a picture-anywhere a bur
! clar would not think of looking. or IL
would he safe from Mrs Bowser. All this
has been source of amusement to Mrs
Bowser
The other morning while sweeping and
dusting her bedroom; she thought she
bureau AS she knew that it was one
of Mr. Bowser's hiding places. she rea.
soned that he had forgotten il in his
haste to get to the office. She sat down
and smiled. II had been an hour since
he left. and ii was great wonder that
he had not come rushing back TO recover
his lost property. He might be expected
at any moment. however. and his ears
would be red and his face pale with ap-
prehension.
Sne smiled gain as she reached for the
wallet. but the smile faded 1t was one
OF Mr.. Bowser's old tan shoes. which ha d
somehow escaped observation until this
hour. The joke was not on Mr.. Bowser.
hut rather on herself. Providence was
kind to her. however An hour before
noon she answered the upstairs door bell
had wallet in his hand 1t was Mr.
Bowser's wallet She recognized it in
stantly.
Mrs. Powser." said the hoy. Mr..
BoWSer stopped at our grocery when he
was going down town tnis morning and
bought quarters worth of sugar"
l"s. l told him to- was the reply
He was in such hurry to get the car
that he left his wallet behind. Here il is.
We found il ten minutes after he went
away. but expected him back
Mrs. Rowser hunted up quarter and
gave il to the boy as his reward and took
in the old wallet. The other smiles had
proved failurss. but the smile she smiled
now must prove a success. for here was
the wallet. sure enough. On the evening
previous she had asked Mr.. Bowser for
Cnuple of dollars to buy gloves and
The Washington herald., 1915-10-17
MR.. BOWSER SMILES
But Mr.. Bowser Laughs Uproariously

| Although living in this modern date,
Mr.. Bowser still clings to two or three
old-fashioned notions. One of them is to
carry an old-fashioned leather wallet with
strap around it such as you might pos
sibly see farmer of today Juggling
aNund
Mr. Bowser's sreat-grandfather had
such a wallet: his grandfather and 1t
helped him to fight the battle of Bunker
hull: his father had one and lived
be - years old. AS soon as NJ Bowser
got any money to carry around he
bought him leather wallet This wal
let has had many various adventures. one
of which is to be here related
Another Of Mr.. Bowser's oldfa shioned
notlons is, that II burglar should get
would swipe would be that leather wal
let. reposing in his coat pocket Still
another is. that should Mrs Bowser by
chance get that old wallet in her hands
she would divide the money-perhap ps
take aN. Therefore. every night of his
life. before going to bed he h!dest that
wallet. Sometimes il is under the bu-
The Washington herald., 1915-10-17

a State map OF Nebraska. and knocked
the end off a horn We had hanging ur
as an ornament. The rest of his load
went wild.
hurt. After the blithe young man got
through We rose up and sliced the lobe
OF his ear OF as a souvenir and threw
him into the street. We We're somewhat
We don't want to be captious about
these things, but We have feelings to he
riled for a minute. but when he broke
down and cried we went out and stuck
the lobe In place and made friends with
him. His ear will be as good as ever in
a couple OF weeks. and We hope the
matter will prove a great moral lesson
to him.
It's the Climate-We are in receipt OF
letters every week from parties in the
East asking about business. the climate:
chances. etc. There are some good
things about this country. and we don't
deny that there are some bad ones. The
berter way is to come out personally and
investigate. As far as the climate is
concerned we declare ii is the best on
earth; Our own case is proof of what 1t
can do. We arrived in this town three
years ago. with one lung gone. lame in
both knees. dead broke for cash. and
having a cough on us which made every
up when we let loose Our eyes were 50
bad that We couldn't see a Digger In
dian fifty feet away. and our hearing
had run down until a man would have
with him before We could have suspected
what was up.
The first three nights here We slept
under a wagon on Kit Carson Square.
and We distinctly remember Of old Bill
Parker kicking us across the street
when we asked him To l.Ed US dime
TO buy breakfast. Old Bill Is dead now.
We took somew hat of an active part in
his hanging. Today We are the richest
and healthiest man in the country;
Feel like a Texas steer all the time and
have got hole full of money. Before
the climate took hold of us anybody
could boot us around and slap our jaws.
The worm turned one day. and since
that time We have shot ten men and dis
about fifty others. The man
who kicks us has to be chained light
ming We lead the social swirl. will
shortly be elected mayor. and whatever
We say goes.
Gradually as the climate has affected
and developed MS. we have introduced
the style of eating with fork, wearing
white shirts and encOurag ging Chinese
aundries and we are considered author
ty on grammar. prize fights. ancient his
tory. poetry. the business outlook. and
the grizzly bear.
The Washington herald., 1915-10-17

| down a woodhine cottage occupied by a
bridal couple.
I'VE have had to pay first and last
over half a million dollars for the dam
age he has created. Only yesterday as
We came along the highway. he seized a
farmers horse and wagon and threw
and killed the horse and broke seven
ribs for the farmer himself. The victims
lawyer is here now and wants settle
ment. We shall probably have to pay
him $4,000 to settle his claim.
AS you go inside you will see this
monster eating hay. He Is very humble
today. and there is only one danger to
be apprehended. If he catches sight OF
red-headed woman he will be aroused
to fury at once. Therefore. red-headed
women will not be admitted. / am sorry
to have to say this. for have always
loved the color of red hair. but one more
tragedy will surely bankrupt this show.
The crowd would listen to me with
bated breath" said the old Snowman,
er person to note the color of his or her
hair There would always be. Nt least;
one red-headed woman in the crowd, ana
the circus part and soothe her injured
feelings. and the act would. OF course;
be applauded by all the others. Then
would take up the hyena and say; >,
MY ITlenQS, 10 NOu hHOW that -
your lives you have been mistaken about
the hyena. We have one inside. we are
very proud of him. Naturalists began
telling US over fftey years ago that the
hyena was a sneak. a coward and scav,
enger. They told us that he sneaked
around native villages and carried on IN
fants. They told us that he followed
lion about and ate what was left OF ms
kill. They told us that he would follow
the trail Of an old woman or limping
man for days and days until opportunity
came to pull them down and devour them
alive. They told us that the hyena
would dig open the graves of the dead. |
and that Noah Webster's grave was thus
defiled: They lied to Us in the most out
rageous manner.
D." The hyena, my friends. isn't purity
to look at. but he has the noblest nature |
of any wild beast that / know Of. Let
me cite case to prove this. We haa
three days. The butchers in the SINAI,
towns we passed through all had the
measles. and, therefore. their shops were
closed. Our animals were hungry and
feroctous when we reached Buffalo. We
had bought meat there but had not feds
n out vst- whsn villain of n fathsr en-
The Washington herald., 1915-10-17

course while our contemporary didn't
even hear Of the case till next day.
We expected Bill would be little
sore on us. but he wasn't He wanted
10 shake hands with us before he was
tied. and during the fifteen minutes
allowed him on the head of the barrel
he spoke in the highest terms OF us
Eicker, declaring il worth five times
the subscription price (s1 in advance).
and added that IL he had needed the
The Washington herald., 1915-10-17

replied:
i am sorry I can't do 1t. my dear-no'
for a day or two. / have less than a dol.
lar in my pocket"
As she held the wallet in her hand 1t
oulged suspiciously for poor man s
wallet She carefully opened it and gave
gasp of establishment. 1t was crowded
with sreenbacks. She sat down on the
moor and counted the sum. There was
S2S6. Mr.. Bowser had fbbed to her.
here was enough to buy the gloves and
handherchiefs she would require for the
rest of her life. But she knew that all
husbands fibbed about money and she
did not lay it up against Mr.. Bowser.
iva, was there a Joke here? OF course
there was. and big one, too. 1t was
joke enough for Mr.. Bowser to leave his
wallet home. but to run off and leave it
on the counter Of a grocery was worth
chucklins. .giggling and smiling over.
Why had he not gone back to the gro
Gerry when ne missed it? He must have
believed that he had had his pocket pick
ed on the car
The Washington herald., 1915-10-17

"I now call your attehtion to Satan
our elephant. He. too. was captured in
Africa. I was there myself and saw him
in the pit. which the natives had dug for
him. 1t took just an even hundred men
to lift him out of the pit. He was furi-
Gus He trumpeted so that they heard
him five miles away at the camp. He
was heine held by fifty strong ropes but
he lurched this way and that. dragging
the men with him. and he pulled up at
the roots more than 800 great trees be-
fore they finally srbdued him.
On the way over here on ship. not
withstanding he was secured by over
forty log chains. Satan broke loose when
forty miles off the port of New York and
drove the crew overheard and sunk the
vessel. He went down with her but came
to the surface again. and after three
hours he reached land as the sole sur
vivor He was ripping mad about 1t.
and the first thing he did was to tear
The Washington herald., 1915-10-17
ARIZONA KICKLETS
How Things Happen Out West

would not have been standing where
he was. In fact, Bill talked so tiu-
emily that we were almost a nina 40
ask the boys to spare him and let US
try him as an advertising solicitor" ;"
We reflected, however. that the crowd
had been put to great deal O..
trouble and would probably be disap-
pointed. and therefore held our peace
while Bill was swung off. The very
last thing he did was TO hand US his
gun as an equivalent to the cost of
ten years subscription to the Kicker
for his mother.
That's No Way.-Two or three weeks
ago We had an item to the effect that
the county clerk of this county was drink
ing so much tanglefoot that public bust.
ness was being sadly neglected We
meant it all in kindness. and hoped he
would take it that way. but il seems thAi
the iron struck home. Instead OF comins
to the office and talking the matter over
in a friendly way he banged our sanctum
door open last Monday and began blazing
away at us with an old revolver as Ions
as rail and as noisy a cannon. He
shot hole in our office clock. perforated