The Washington herald., 1914-12-13
GRIDIRON CLUB BANQUET
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and imports, the Cabinet nesting broke
up In disgust. IT the Cabinet won't
listen TO me-" he exclaimed in despair.
who willg"
The sad story Of . Senator.
A travesty upon a recent episode IN
the Senate. when a moving picture OF
the Senate was taken. was most humor-
ously treated. A conversation between
the Vice President and Senator J. Ham
Lewis. in which the latter profusely
thanked the former for allowing his
name to be recorded on a quorum call.
was exquisitely funny. as was the In
dignation OF Senator Overman because
the pictures were being taken without
the knowledge or consent Of the Com
mittee on Rules. But the best OF all
was a song, rendered with senti-
mental melody TO a moving picture ac-
compartment in 1O-cent vaudeville style,
as follows:
The Senate, il was crowded,
All the Senators was there;
The Vice President chawed tobacco,
In his highly-cushiOned chair,
They. was talking bout the tarin,
As they had for many years.
Some of them sat I'm the cloakroom,
Some of them sat in their chairs
Then up rose a handsome Senator,
He would not give his name;
He said, Il speak for cotton"
And right well he done the same;
They voted down his motion,
Tears was in the Senate's eyes;
Then up rose this handsome Senator,
And he said, to their surprise:
CHORUS.
Lets all buy a bale of cotton,
For the sake of long ago;
Business in the South Is rotten,
Our lots has fell quite low;
A million bales is ready,
So give a willing hand,
And help the cotton planter
In our fair South Land"
A Welcome for the HOme-cOmers.
It would have been impossible, of
course, to pass through the evening with
out reference to the ''come-backs," and
so an old home week reunion wGs held.
her perch on the dome Of the Capitol to
welcome the home-comers, who included
Uncle Joe" Cannon, William b. Nc
Kinley, "Cy'' SuIloway, Ebenezer Hill,
and Mick" Longworth. They INDUCED
in a free-and-easy copversation.
Mick" said Cannon to Longworth,
why don't you persuade your father-in-
law to stay in some Of those lonesome
places he writes about?'
Oyster Bay just now," was the quick re-
spOnse.
A feature of the homecoming week
was the award Of the Nobel peace prize
and more than a dozen Of the prominent
hnanciers present were asked TO stand
up. 1t was then announced that Secre-
tary Bryan had devoted the proceeds OF
his Chautauqua engagements in buying
up all the swords and converting them
into plow-shares.
These are a new kind of shares to you,"
the financiers were told. but We are
sure you will find them symbolic of the
peace that has been made between you
and Washington
Uncle Sans Jubilee.
The musical act is always a feature of
a gridiron dinner, and last night the
music Offering was reserved for the last.
1t was entitled Uncle Sans Jubilee"
Several tiers of seats were occupied by
Uncle Sam and his nephews and wards,
an Alaskan, Hawaiian, Filipino,
and Porto Rican, all in appropriate cos
tune, together with q politician, a farmer.
an artisan, a banker, and a colored
brotherN Added to these were Col. Wat
terson and Col Harvey. To the tune of
Yankee Doodle" the party entered and
took their seats. The colored brother was
q
a pathetic story about being crowded out
Of national conventions. with this con-
cluding chorus:
Then lay down the shovel and the hoe,
And hang up the fiddle and the bow;
no more work for poor Uncle Ned.
The primaries laid him low.
Ihe artisan, after announcing that
he came from the glowing furnaces of
the iron mills. asserted that the Steel
Trust was doing business at the old
stand. but" he added. they can still
prosecute the Steel Trust, but they can't
prosecute me-" His magnificent bass
voice was heard to advantage in the
armorer's song from Robin Hood. The
farmer announced that he had come
to Washington with a load of pump
kins to exchange for greenbacks. and
had a few carrots on the side in order
that the government might feel safe.
IF the government doesn't worry,
you needn't" remarked Uncle Sam.
Comment on Things in General.
Col watterson and Col. Harvey sang
4 touching little ballad entitled I've
Come Back, Dear Leader, to Thee" and
then, after Alaska had asked to be |
saved from the Guggenheims, to which
the entire company fervently respond |
ed Amen" there was a song. We are !