Grand Forks daily herald and the evening times., 1914-08-25

d movie theayther.
Haggerty-Glory be! What peeved
him?
Dempsey-A parade Nv tn Ulsther
sojers-an' 1t TUX all this ushers an
tn duremen to ave tn operator an
his machine.
MY dear" said the young husband,
did you speak to the milkman about
there being no rea on the milk %
Yes; I told him about it this morn
ing. and he explained it satisfactorily.
1 think it quite a credit to him, too"
What did he say?"
II said, he always filled the jug
so full that there was no room on
top for cream."
At a banquet of the ministers of
New York DR.. Johnston of the Nor
risania church told this story:
'One of the members Of my church
has instilled into his family the be-
lief that the collection is a vitality i'm
portant part Of the service.
Consequently his little boy Thomas
comes to church without his
contribution.
Zone Sunday as the elders began to
take up the collection at the morning
service Thomas looked along the pew
to see if the various members of the
family were provided with a contri-
! button.
Noticing a guest Of his sisters
empty handed. he whispered:
Where Is your money!?
81 have none was the reply.
Time was short and the necessity
great. In a flash the little fellow met
the emergency by saying:
Here-take mine. That'll pay for
You and I'll get under the seat"
Mrs. Jellus Ito prospective parlor
maid IL am afraid you won't do. You
see. you are-er-very good looking,
and my husband. being an artist, is a
great admirer Of female beauty, and
Parlor Maid Gnterposing)-"Yes,
ma'am; any one can see that by his
marrying YOU"
Mrs. Jellus-"Er-well. anyway,
will give you a months trial."
Little Madge had been listening to
her mother reading from the paper.
and then Madge burst out laughing
Why, dearie." said the mother,
what is it?"
Il was thinking Of what you just
read about the wild people in Africa,
mother replied the child.
But there was nothing amusing
about that, dear" !.
Why, yes. there was. mother
said Madge. about their beating or
their tum-tums till they could be
heard for miles."-Everybody's Maya
zine.
The tea companies were fighting
each other for the trade Of the town
The Bee Tea Company gave premiums
with each pound Of tea, while the Gee
Tea company did not. The result was
that. the latter was being
pushed to the wall. Finally the Gee
Tea people realized that they must
give premiums or quit.
SO, after careful consideration, they
decided to give a quart of milk with
each pound Of Tea. Business picked
up at once.
~ understand you give a quart OF
milk with each pound of tea" said a
lady one day.
Quite right" answered the man.
ager.
We'll, I'm Mrs. Ketcham of Holden
& Starvem. We operate a string OF
ten boarding houses here. I want $50
pounds of tea. Do I get $50 quarts OF
milk 2"
'fWhy-er-I think So" stammered
the manager. will you wait till I go
back and look we the supply?"
In a minute he came back.
Madam" he whispered, II have
figured up and I find that il you will
taxi zoo pounds of tea we can give
you a cow
Old John was sitting in his shirt
sleeves n day. putting like mad at
his pipe. m eve getting a puff Of
smoke from 1t.
As Smith drew near, John struck
three matches and held them to the
bowl and sucked and sucked till his
cheeks seemed to meet inside; still
never q puff OF smoke.
And burnt matches lay around his
chair. There must have been a boxful
Of them.
why, John, what on earth are you
doing?"
That chump Whites been trying to
TOOL me. expect" said John, and he
took another futile pun ana put his
pipe down IN disgust.
That chump White told me that II
smoked q BIT Of Glass I should Be.
the spots on the sum