The Washington herald., 1914-06-09
UNIVERSAL IKE ALMOST A HERO

Mrs. Giaum shook a bony fist at Ike.
1t was the kind of fist that murders ro-
nance and commits assault and battery
on tender afYections--exactly the kind of
nst one might expect a woman like Mrs.
Glaum to shake.
Mrs. Glaum and her fist had burst upon
| him so precipitately that Ike had for
gotten that his arm still fingered where
he had placed 1t forty-flve minutes ago,
which was about the trim waist OF Louise
Glaum. Now he withdrew II shamefaced-
ly. like an urchin caught in the act of
reaching for the jam jar, and proceeded
to cite the extenuating circumstance
that he was madly in love with Louise.
Mrs. Glaum heard him patiently. and
when he had finished started to wreck
Ike's matrimonial intentions.
so you be in love with her. uh? Wall.
let me tell you, I've got my daughter
staked out for Fred Hornby, the sheriff.
what Is a real man and no scarecrow
walkin' In his sleep like some parties
what I might mention"
Mrs Glaum considerably refrained
from mentioning names. but her=mean-
ing was unmistakable. Her bony arm
plucked her daughter from the log on
and propelled her toward the kitchen and
the wash tub.
"a scarecrow walkin' in his sleep
that's what she, said" unused Ike remin-
iscently. She's got her staked out for
Fred Hornby. has she? Well"
Ike tilted his tousled head against his
uncaIloused hands and lapsed into deep
mediation. He might win Mrs. Glaum's
favor by going to work: he was quite
certain Jimmie Blair would give him
job In his grocery. But Ike's<sensitive
soul shrank from grossly commercial
pursuits. There must he some way of
winning In love without Jeopardizing
ones dignity, he unused.
At that moment a deep philosophical
abstraction some one slapped Ike's
shoulder-He looked up into the grinning
countenance of his friend. Harry Moody.
.'Lookin' at you one might think you'd
been sentenced to go to work" observed
Harry sympathetically. Ike hastened to
assure him that his depression was due
to another but equally serious matter.
THE ole lady's goin't to marry her of
to Fred Hornby,' he concluded.
Harry pondered the situation with seri-
Gus pnien What you ought TO do is to
make fool OF Fred" he advised. Lis
ten. There's a reward out for the feller
that captures Idaho Joe, the desp'rate
bank robber. Fred is so scared Of him
he's tremblin' in his boots and wearin'
the soles out from the inside. II I was
YOU I'd go get Idaho Joe and claim the
reckon that'Il make Mrs. Glaum change
her mind. Wimin is strong for the hero
stuff" added Harry sagely.
When his friend had gone Ike ap-
praised the suggestion and found it good.
OF course there was a remote possi-
bility that Idaho Joe would shoot him
full of holes. in which event the sheriff
would be the winner. But Ike decided
to take a chance. and after eduipping
himself with two six-shooters and ammu-
milton sufficient for an incipient South
American revolution he started in search
of the desperate.
The day was drawing to a close as ne
staggered down the road toward the
foothills. His knees shook a hit. which
was natural considering that he was an
amateur in the hero business. He was
strengthened by the thought that what
ever the outcome of his mission Mrs
Glaum would no longer have occasion to
lken him unto a sleep-walking scare
crow.
Suddenly he stopped short and reached
for one of the siX-shooters. A dark and
sinister figure looked menacingly in the |
twilight. Ike was about IS r4sk his tender |
life and spring upon the specter when |
he realized that it was nothing but a |
scare-crow set out by Farmer Dobyns |
He scowled at the forbidding spectacle |
and was about to proceed when an idea |
fairly sizzled in his overwrought brain. |
Had it been a trifie darker the figure |
could have been easily mistaken for such |
an illusion. Assuring himself that he !
was not watched. Ike kidnapped the /
monster, planted IL at the curve in the |
road on the outskirts of the village, a |
lew feet from Little Niagara Creek. ad- |
iusted the arms and legs into more |
ifelike position and sent word to Fred |
Hornby that Idaho Joe had made his !
appearance in the village and was hold |
ng up all passersby. Then he proceeded |
% the Glaum house.
Idaho Joe's goin' TO get catched," he |
old them. Hes standin' down by the |
,reek and the sheriff's goin' after him."
The news of the impending capture
'pread like wildfire, and in a few min
ties the population of the village was
gathered al a discreet distance from the
lcene of battle. In the dusk the figure