Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1914-01-26
FOOLISH QUERIES
SWAMP CLERK
At STATION
Terminal Man Gives 100000 An
swers Each Month to Informa-
tion-Seeking Public.

If you don't believe that most all II
mankind occasionally twists the
steering wheel Of It's mental apparatus
the wrong way, Just slip into the
Terminal Station and stand for hf-
teen minutes before the wicket Of the
Clearing House for Foolish Questions.
described in the Terminals advertis-
ing literature af the Bureau of In
| formation.
When you totter out into the fresh
air you'll not only be educated-youIl
be what might possibly be called 'reve-
lated" Two truths Will have been
revealed unto you, viz.
/. That a certain part Of the brain
OF the average man, known as the
cerebrum, should be spelt with an
| opening "" and without the last r.
especially when the man is seeking
Information.
2. That the Gentleman from the
| Tall Uncut" IL not the only person on
earth who stalks up and asks a ques-
ton that, II It lived, would have
charging loItHedt anu icN'
chin: the Pride OF Peachtree and
Master of the Head Waiter does II
about as often and fully as well.
Chief Clerk Handles All Queries.
And IL still you're not satisfied
call for ]. l. BealI, chief clerk OF the
bureau. and let him talk to you.
Mr.. Beall is the Gent Of the Cues
tlon-the man who grabs the Foolish
Question on the Wing, throttles al
the foolishness out Of IT, and hands
the answer back in neat and compact
form, ready for instant use. Hell tel
you anything you want TO Know ana
why he tells you, and why ne knows
II Ia so. And il you insist he'll prob
ably tell you why you wanted to
know. why he knew it, and so on,
ad infinitum.
Mr.. Beall affirms that no man dare
ATTEMPT accurately to compute the
number of Crazy Inquiries he heark-
ems to in the period of a year. Ihey
are simply incompatible. Some o'oOo
questions a day come hurting over
the telephone and buzzing through
the suffering atmosphere around the
wicket, and Mr.. Beall and his two
assistants catch them dexterously
and answer them expeditously. SlN
thousand a day for a month make
1850 600. and--but go on, it's started!
Farmer Wiser Than City Man.
And It affords Mr. Beall great pleas
ure 10 come hastily to the defense OF
that portion of the population that
lives in the back districts and de-
votes its energies to raising monster
cotton crops.
"The farmer" he says. asks more
sensible questions, as rule, than
the city man does, particularly in the
rlatter Of the question that gives us
the most trouble. It's that old stand
by: When does my train leaveF Ana
then the farmer, il he wishes to go
10 n burg that is nothing but
switchtrack and grocery store,
doesn't hesitate to say so; while you'd
never get a city man to admit that
he is bound for the little town.
For instance, maybe there sta-
,lon between here and Birmingham
called Podunk. If farmer wants TO
go TO Podunk, he'll saw "Podunk;' IL
a city man wants tor has t9-go
to Podunk, he'll ask about the tram
10 birmingham. And We'll tell him
the time OF our fastest train, or
course. which probably doesn't stop
AZ Podunk at all--and he blames us
for his trouble.
Some Foolish Questions.
ut would be mighty hard to believe
that people would ask the things they
do if | wasn't here and heard them.
I've had women walk up and blandly
ask II there was anyone at the depo,
to meet them, people come up mere
and ask me IL I've seen their little
boy who Is roaming around the sta
ton somewhere. and lot of them get
peeved If we can't tell them right
away where their uncles or aunts or
cousins live. They ask us how TO get
to every place from the police station
TO the headquarters of the Men and
Religion Forward Movement; they
ask our opinion on politics, and
whether the President Will come
through Atlanta again soon; and one
smart man wanted to know one day
whether Charley Griffin, the train
caller. grew his own voice or had 1t
grated onto him!
About a third of the questions we
answer come in over the telephone
Most of them are sensible enough
but a lot of them are as foolish as
those that are asked at the window.
We have to decide all kinds of bets
and arguments, or rather. we are ask
ed to, all the way from poker prob
lems to how much Judge Broyles
Win hne a man for kissing his sweet
heart.
THE only two questions l ever was
asked which couldn't give some kind
Of an answer came in over the phone
one was from n man who wanted to
know II Mars is inhabited, and tho
other from a man who asked whether
Mohammed used cocaine or NOR
phlne when he wrote the Koran
Tud0n PrOu1nc to