The Alaska citizen., 1914-09-07
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 , TALES WORTH RETELLlNG.

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 Can you direct me to Summits Cascade?" asked a foot-traveler of an old man who sat summing himself on the stump of a tree.
 "Iass; take your first left and fol low il till you come to fork where there's a clump O huckle leberry bush es, an then strike off to the right. Follow that road till you come to three corners. then strike off to your left and youIl come to Cy Perkins house. Sou1l know him because Le wears plaid oyeralls. Ne.- Ter and green plaid, they are, an his wife makes 'em for him. Some like 'em and some don't. Anyhow, you can judge for yourself. Youll laugh"
 Excuse me-" said the traveller, taking out his watch, but haven't much time Will MT. Perkins direct me O the Cascade?'
 "I presume to say he can, but after you've seen those plaid over alls q little mess O water runnin' over little mess O rocks will seem pretty tame to ye." the old fellow chuckled.
 "I want somebody to show me where to unload this coal" said the grimy-looking man at the kitchen door.
 You needn't ask me about that" retorted the young woman 'I don't have anything to do with unloading coal: I'm the kitchen lady"
 II cant help that" he rejoined "l'm the coal gentleman. and the father of three kitchen ladies. one laundry lady and one chamber lady, and if you don't show me where to put this coal I'll call the woman of the house."
 "Ill show you, sir" she humbly replied, and let the way 10 the coal cellar.-Tit Bits.
 A proof reader anent the import ance of trifles, read from his note book these absurd sentences, each made absurd by the omission of single letter:
 The conflict was dreadful and the enemy was repulsed win great laughter"
 When the Presidents wife enter ed the humble sitting room of the house she was politely offered a hair"
 "A man was yesterday arrested on the charge of having eaten a cabman for demanding more than his fare"
 An employee in the service of the government was accused of having stolen a small OK from the mail The stolen property was found in his vest pocket"
 The Russian soldier Knackinoff- oskewky was found dead with q long word sticking in his throat. ."- The New Orleans Times Democrat.
 The corn crop of a certain west ern county is nearly a total failure this year. One morning a short time ago a farmer took a sack and went to his SiXty-aCre SWeet-cOrn field to see if he could find enough roasting ears for a meal. In going over the field he found that each ear had only couple of rows of corn, so he cut the corn off the cobs and had it cooked for dinner
 About dinner time a young fel- low who lives near drove up and the farmer invited him to stay At the table he passed the corn to the young man first. and the visitor took one spoonful of corn and start ed to take another, when the farmer stopped him and said:
 Don't you think you are going a little strong on the corn?"
 The young man was very much embarrassed. "Why?" he stammer- ed
 "WeII YOU ave about fifteen acres of corn on your plate now"
 The father of a bright young son went to wise friend for advice as to what profession the youth should be fitted for The sage was brusque
 Let the boy choose for himself" he said.
 But" protested the father, he's too young"
 Well" responded the wise man. put him in room alone with book on theology, an apple a knife and some small change and see what he plays with. If he chooses the book make a minister of him; if he takes the knife make him surgeon; if the apple he'll make farmer, and if he chooses the mon ey a banker"
 Much relieved, the father went away, but returned the next day in great distress, saying the plan hadn't worked at all.
 "Why not?" demanded the wise man. What did he do?"
 When I went in," said the fath- CT, he was sitting on the book, with the knife in one hand and inc money in his pocket, and eating the apple"
 "Ah." said the sage. that's easy. The boy is a naturalborn lawyer"
 The Jew peddler rapped tmdly at the kitchen door. Mrs. Kelly, angry at being interrupted in her washing. flung open the door. and glowered at him.
 Did yeZ wish to see me-" she demanded, in threatening tones.
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