The Lamar register. [volume] (Lamar, Colo.) 1889-1952, 1914-12-23
HIS EXPERIENCE
BY PETER HIcKuM.


as own several nice farms and oull
graciously permit any middle-aged lady
to superintend the said real estate ant
my piano; but my solitary life is dut
to my. two besetting sins-havinl
loved too many girls and having beer
too good.
| am myself too far advanced in
life to gain beneflt from my sad expe
rience. but It might be of value 10
those who are not too old to learn.
My childhood shall be skipped. with
the laconic allusion that wasn't the
worst boy in my native village ON the
Rhine
When asked what ! intended to
make of myself. | always answered
by looking at the nearest girl handy
My father. who was a physician OF
considerable fame, had a burning de
sire to have me. his son Peter. be
come a doctor of medicine and sur
gerry. He sent me at the early age OF
seventeen to a celebrated medical col
lege. accompanied by his warmest
well-wishes and a bundle of rules il
regard to my behavior while away
from home. My arrival at the seat OF
learning caused some head-shakinl
among the skull-capped professors anC
considerable giggling among the stu
dents. To remove my bashfulness
was ordered to occupy dark corner
of the school-room-all to myself
where | was told to study the anat
omy OF grinning monkey. and to tel
what I knew about the bones wher
the teacher came around
But. alas, l was disturbed in my
anatomical studies by a rattllng noise
in the back yard. Casting my eyes
from my subject into the back yard
| espied a fair maiden pumping els
tern water with all her might She
looked up and l again looked down
until the fair pumper had filled the
bucket and pumped M heart clear
Into the back yard.
forgot to peruse any more the
frightful skeleton. but my eyes con
stantly explored the contents OF that
fatal back yard
The fair pumper, my first love was
seen by me no more. pinned and be
came haggard-looking: my teachers
felt my pulse and shipped me HON,
without delay
recovered from the fever In about
two months, and went 10 circus.
became greatly interested In the wax
figures OF Cain. who killed Abel. and
in the eleven good apostles.
But the curtain rose, when, 10 and
behold there stood lassie with
shining golden hair. / loved her with
out the least preliminartes. anL
couldn't sleep for many nights on &C
count Of the charming circus-girl
Then | emigrated TO this country
where I have been entirely too good
and loved fair damsels by the score.
Ha! didn't | think that by carrying
my whole early apple crop to those
three Sand Hill ladies the Oldest
would reciprocate my ardent affection.
But she snubbed me as soon as tht
early apples ceased coming.
And that preachers daughter. whom
first saw and loved at the Oak Hi
camp-meeting. She came near splitting
in my face.
The Dippermsn girl held out seduc.
tive inducements until. when ! popped
the question. she crawled away with
my bleeding heart, telling me that she
couldn't leave her parents for such
forlornlooking wretch as ! was
The Fulton county girl smiled as
long as let her father have his owl
way with my corn and hogs. but talked
bad to me as aoon as / vetoed his
thievish proceedings.
don't wish to mention the foui
school-marms l once dearly but vainly
ndored. nor will tell the particulars
about my short marriage with an ex
war-widow. who cost me 81 for the
knot-tying and 800 for loosening it
am now nearly seventy years OF
age. lead a frugal life. supply severa
destitute widows with fuel. and live
a hermit life in this patch OF timber
which some sarcastic local new VA
per writer christened Misery Grove
because. as he fiendishly explained
old Peter is a miser in misery.
will persist that | would be as
happy as the majority II were equal
ly mean. But the way 1t stands | am
without a peer in this section. by rea
son OF having loved too many girls
and having practiced that other be
setting sin. not having been good
enough to myself, but too good Il
others