Evening star., 1914-03-01

| sumed a graceful attitude. evidently in
tending to show you how safe he felt
! when riding on the running board of this
particular car.
simple commented the gentlemanly
| instructor.
| You turned your head You were feel
/, ing stronger.
Yes"
Look out. Where in thunder are you
going! shouted the instructor. You
| looked. but that was all the good it did
| you. The machine. while you had turned
wandering peacefully over a rough mead
ow-and you were headed down hill.
| In flash you recalled the memorized
instructions.
THE squizzilum,' you muttered.
You yanked several breaks and the
machine bounded forward-not with the
gentlemanly instructor. however. He got
of at the first gully you hit and broke
one smash. You could hear him swear
ing. Turning your head, you saw him
lying in the ditch.
s.'You bonehead!" he howled. where
are you going?'
The futility of this question struck you
at once. But Fate took a hand in the
game and you rammed a fine old spread
ing chestnut tree and received solar
plexus from the wheel that made you
sympathize with every man whom Bob
FitZsimmons ever punched.
* i:
After you had paid $3.50 to repair the
broken nose of the automobile and had
bought off the gentlemanIy instructor
following a conference i'll which his
lawyer kept talking about suits for men
tai and physical anguish, just as if you
hadn't suffered too-you decided to get a
chauffeur. Your wife agreed in this. She
| said your first ride had gotten you the
reputation among the neighbors of being
| hard drinker.
So they commenced to trail in. The
| first young man who visited you was
properly humble until you showed him
, the garage. He pointed out that it was
wood
! They're making them of concrete
now he explained
/ Impressed. you asked the cost He
said he would attend to that and call to-
| morrow with a list Of prices. And he
beat it right down to a contractors where
| he knew ne would get his little rake-on if
| the garage was built.
| There came another man. He was one
| of these debonair young men. He
| looked at your automobile and began
| snuffing like a hound dog in an au-
| tumn breeze.
Rebuilt car, amt it?' he inquired.
You admitted that it was. You flushed
| as you told him that the salesman had
| assured you that it was good as
| any of the new cars.
| Lots of trouble, them rebuilt cars, "
he said. And then he began. with the
| aid Of a monkey-wrench, to point out
the weak points in the car. Every time
shudder. You never liked a knocker
why the necessity for all that rough
stuff" you asked, peevishly That car
| has held together SO far Not bit OF
| trouble
The applicant for the job. fixed you
with his blazing eye.
who does your repairing?' he de-
manded, in the tones of a district at
torney.
Subterfuge was useless.
II have already told you,'' you replied
that it wasn't necessary to have any re-
pairing done. This car is in splendid
shape They told me so where I bought
it. But if it interests you, I'll say that
we were advised to 90 to Smirkins &
Co. If there is anything else you'd like
to know about US I'll have the deed or
this house and the family Bible brought
out for your inspection and"
''smirkins & Co said the appli.
cant, negligently denting in the mud,
guard with the wrench. ARE robbers
You should deal with WhooshuS & Zank
horn. Best in the city,
Then he went away. saying he woult
be back tomorrow. And he beat it righ
down to the office of Whooshus & Zank-
horn and told them that he could get al
easy customer If they would agree to {
tidy little commission.
Not all of the applicants are experts
Came to you long, cadaverous negro
, with the longest arms that were ever at
tached to human torso. You figured
out one advantage to him. He coult
crank the car without getting out of tn,
, drivers seat
Had any experience" you asked.
| He smiles amiably.
"Wif desc. does you mean, boss?' ht
asked, waving one of those rangy arms
toward your automobile.
| 4
| !,
Yes" you replied.
$50. suh,'' he replied, easily. Dat i.
not 'zackIy. I was helper on one of den
motah trucks las Chrismuss. Den uste
drive a ash wagon. But done figures di,
would be easier work"
How about me?' you demand.
- He doesn't get this at all. So yo'