The Ontario Argus. (Ontario, Or.) 1???-1947, 1914-10-08
CHARACTER SKETCH OF
HURLEY AND Upton
Discuss Ways and Means to
Fool the People
ANYTHING But TRUTH Goes

| with due Acknowledgement and
apology to Mr.. Dunno, from his friend.
Handy Andy)
After consuming glass OF water
and a tooth pick at the leading Vale
hostlery, Dooley Upton and Hennessy
| Hurley tilted their chairs back for a
social pipe fest and Hennissy re-
marked;
I'm just back firm brief and love-
ly visit to an Aunt back east that
may leave me her goat and wash tub
some day, II I'm good and lucky; an
upon returnin' to me offs I find the
Malyure Enterprise, an git me first
news of the safe war; I see be the
same sheet that Ontay-rio has lost an
AIRY plane or two and Vale has some
submarines missin'. TIL leadin' ar
tickle on whut Vale has done to the
county was a beuat." 81 wonder who
the scribe was that had the above
mintioned brain storm"
"Hinnissy. me young fri'nd thare
ar miny things you will always won
der about" says Dooley, slowly putting
Dukes mixture, now who sh'ld write
articles f'r the paper. but Jawn?
Whether tits parole Jawn or payroll
Jawn, whut's TO ye? The one is the
titular head OF the Ancient q Awful
order OF Prevaricators, and tother is
past grand master OF the same flour
ishing society"
But kin Jawn prove iny thing; will
the back-hillers fall f'r his guff7"
Asked Hennessey: Sure they WILL"
retorted Dooley. don't Jawn an all OF
US yawp about the millions In taxes
that will never be levied? Don't we
love the Big Bind bridge an the Nyssa
poor farm Don't we love the dead
OK or w'atever It's down beyond the
Butte? An now fr the first time In
our hist'ry we ar aginst game that's
hard 10 work; niver have We lost an
we have had the cream pickin's fr
years" an now that burg at the june
tion has raised the money and bid fair
TO rob us OF that which In not ours and
which we never fully paid f'r." And
Dooley almost sobbed.
Lets rally the bye's an debate with
the big stiffs huskily suggested Hen
nessey: Rally nawthin'. snorted
Dooley. 'aint me an the Jawns an
bunch OF women and Col. Wheeler raj
lied an yelled high taxes until we ar
black In tn face? Who 'ud you debate
with2 Y'r political experience is
agin' ye; an also ran In no debater,
Hinnissey. moind that"
Hennessey was properly subdued,
but timidly remarked; Il wonder
where tn money is? Somebody is pay
In the frate f'r sure; we ar financin'
big bitches and payin' f'r millions OF
readers OF the steamed Enterprise |
Now who has the cash box. do ye |
know? IL. Hope" says Mr.. Dooley,
sh1d hope | do; but you are too
young to be trusted with cash; rapport to
me whin In need OF stamps er cigars"
"But we must fight f'r our rights;
We have as galyant min as ever faced
a bar; some OF thin have stood all
night. so they have" insisted Hen
nessey.
Quit y'r kiddin' boy; the soft pedal
is the argument. Make the tax pay
ers shed tears OF sympathy; sind thin
a pict'er of our city hall; sind thin
y'r protygraf. iny thing to bring the
At this the dread of defeat
with hopes of victory over
came them entirely and they shambled
out.
"Will ye have sumthin'? says Hen
nessey; yes" says Dooley. IL am as
ihry as the Bully erik ditch"
Come on down TO tn river. its
cheaper" says Hennessey.