The Washington herald., 1914-03-01
THE GRAND PROMOTER
He Has Caller Who Makes Things Pleasant

/, hand Just now? You don't look as pros
porous as you might. Major, but I sup
pose you make a few victims When you
finally recognized me your face became
as white as death. and you tried your
best TO swallow your Adams apple. This
is as good as reading a funny book"
"Mr. Green" began the Major. trying
to look very serious, 81 was not always
millionaire"
mo? Hs! hai ha. Keep 1t up, Majorr'
There was a time, and that not far
distant, when / lacked the wherewithaI
TO buy a meal. had hope and ambi-
ton and determination but no money
One day you came to me and offered me
loan of S. Never in my life"
'I came to you? / offered you a loan
of s.? Say. Major, laugh-with me-hai
hal haH
Never in my life will I forget your
unexpected kindness. You knew nothing
about me, but you saw honesty and in
tegrity in my looks. and something must
have told you that I would succeed at
last. You offered me s., and l accepted
it in the spirit rendered. That sum laid
the foundations OF my fortune. All
have / owe to you, and 1 am free TO
say So"
IAN you have!'' shouted Mr. Green. as
he looked around at the Office furniture.
minute. You will next be Offering to re-
pay the loan-ha, ha. har'
Had 1 know where to reach you the
loan would have been repaid years ago.
AS it is, I shall content myself with
handing you a check for the amount.
Mr.. Green, have you ever heard of the
Great American interchangeable Pie
Company"
Mr. Green stood up and laughed. Then
ba hn oil md Lar nd
Then he sat down and sniggered.
Our object is TO make the American
pie known to the civilized world-known
and appreciated. No other nation ever
built itself up on pie. 1t is the pie, sir
the American pie-that rules the world.
My company proposes to make them by
the billion and ship them to every in
habited spot on the globe From the
lst of October to the LIST OF March of
every year We shall make mince pies
only. Forty-eight ingredients and two
crusts in every pie, our trademark
plainly stamped on the upper crust, and
all persons counterfeiting it will be ar
rested at once. Every pie sent TO its
destination in its own wooden dish. and
10 cents will buy one in Persia as well
as in Chicago. One price to all, and
nothing like 'em. We have already Sc
cured hundreds of testimonials"
roared Mr.. Green. as he laughed till he
was red in the face.
From March 1 to October J." continued
the major, without turning a hair, I'VE
shall send out custard. peach, cherry.
and lemon pies. The price will be the
same, and they will give the same sat
isfaction. The capital is $50 900. all paid
in, and the stock is already selling above
par. Biggest, grandest, richest thing on
-. 1HNss.N ~.
will reach 100 per cent in the first six
months. Don't touch Standard Ofl-don't
fool with the beef trust Come into the
Great American interchangeable Pie
Company. That is
That is, you want me for vice presi-
dent at a salary of $4,000 per year?"
You have struck it exactly. Several
years ago you loaned me s.. 1t was bread
cast upon the waters. / want IL to re-
turn a hundredfold to you. 1 want you
to know and fully realize that the senti-
ment of gratitude still beats in the nu-
man breast. Accept the place, my dear
old friend-accept it and let me shake
your hand in congratulation."
Are you through, Major?" was asked.
well you can tell me what you will 'lc.
II you have a better thing on hand, why.
1 have nothing to say. but you know
would like to have you with me-"
Mr.. Green smiled. Then he Grinned. |
Then he chuckled. Then he roared and
slapped his leg.
"And the dividends can't be less than
100 per cent after the first six months"
solemnly asserted the Major, who was
a good deal troubled in his mind.
You slick deadbeat, You noble liar.
You beneficent old baldheaded son Of a |
guni'
II do net understand you. sir!'
Then Mr.. Green rose up with a smile /
on his face and reached out for the |
Major and made his heels knock over |
the stove as he swung him around. The |
second swing cleared the desk, and the |
third raked the plaster all along the 4
wall. Then the Major was stood on his |
head, stood on his feet, danced up and |
down and played on his head, stood on
his feet, danced up and down and played /
pitch and toss with, and when he was
finally left lying on the dusty floor, Mr.. |
Green passed out of the office with a |
''Ta, ia, Major The Great American In
Deadbeat Company wishes
you fond good day.
The Major got up after a few minutes
and brushed the dust off and sat down /
and hummed merrily to himself He had |
lost everything but honor, but that was /
safe as the rock Of Gibralter.