davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1914-03-12

going to be bullied into eating boiled
beef and cabbage"
Then I don't care how soon he
does It," I said despondently. "Td
rather die quickly than by inches
"Die!" he said. Not a bit Of it.
Remember, our friend Pierce is also a
student Of human nature. He's think
ing it out now in the cold plunge, and
miss my guess if Thoburn's sky,
rocket hasn't got a stick that'l come
back and hit him on the head"
He had been playing with one of the
chewing gum jars. and when he had
gone l showed it back into its place,
1t was by the merest chance that
glanced at it, and I saw that he had
slipped a small white box inside. On
the lid was written For a good girl, y
and inside lay the red puffs from Mrs
Yost's window down in Finleyville
Just under them was an envelope. ]
could scarcely see to open it.
Dearest Minnie" the note inside
said, 81 had them matched to my
thatch, and I think they'll match
yours. And since, in the words of the
great Herbert Spencer, things that
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1914-03-12
CHAPTER XIV.

Even if we hadn't known, we'd have
guessed there was something in the
air. There was an air of subdued ex-
element during the rest hour in the
springhouse, and good bit of whis-
pering and laughing, in groups which
would break up with faces as long as
the moral law the moment they saw
my eye on them.
They were planning a mutiny, as
you may say, and 1 guess no sailors
on pirate ship were more afraid Of
the captains fist than they were Of
Mr.. Pierce's disapproval. He'd been
smart enough to see that most of them,
having buIlied other people all their
lives, liked the novelty of being bullied
themselves. And now they were get
ting a new thrill by having revolt
They were terribly worked up.
Miss Patty stayed after the others
| had gone, sitting in front of the empty
| fireplace in the same chair Mr.. Pierce
usually took, and keeping her back to
me- When I'd finished folding the
steamer rugs and putting them away, l
went around and stood in front of her.
Your eyes are red" I remarked.
1--WE got a cold" She was very
naughty.
Your nose isn't red" I insisted
and, anyhow, you say you never
have cold"
Il wish you would let me alone, Min
ME" She turned her back to me. Il
dare say l may have a cold if l wish"
do you know what they are saying
| here?" l demanded do you know
that Miss Cobb has found out in some
way or other who Mr.. Won invalid is?
And that the four o'clock gossip edi-
ton says your father has given his
consent and that you can go and buy a
diadem or whatever you are going to
wear, right OFF,"
WELL she said, in d choked voice,
| with her back to me, what of it?
Didn't you and Mr.. Pierce both do
your best to bring it about?"
"Our what?" 1 couldn't believe my
ears.
you made father well. He's so
p-pleasant he'll do anything-except
leave this awful place!"
well, of all the ungTateful peo-
pie" I began, and then Mr.. Pierce
came in. He had a curious way Of
stopping when he saw her, as if she
| lust took the wind out of his sails, so
to speak, and then Of whipping off his
hat, If anything with sails can wear a
hat, and going up to her with his heart
| in his eyes. He always went straight
to her and stopped suddenly about two
feet away, trying to think of some
thing ordinary to say. Because the
| extraordinary thing he wanted to say
was always on the end Of his tongue.
| But this day he didn't light up when
The saw her. He went through all the
| other motions, but his mouth was set
in a straight line, and when he came
| close to her and looked down his eyes
were hard. It's been my experience of
men that the younger they are the
harder they take things and the more
Incorporating they are.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1914-03-12
POLLEN HAD TRAVELLED FAR
Over Nearly Four Hundred Miles 1t
Made Its Way to FertIlize
Similar Tree.

In Paris dwells man interested in
rare and exotic plants, says the Chris
ttan Herald. A friend who had been
in the Amazon brought him home a
rare tree. In the winter he keeps it
at the dollhouse, but when summer
comes he carries it into his garden.
So beautiful is the bloom that he gave
garden parties that men might behold
the wondrous flower. One summers
day he noticed a strange thing that
set his pulses throbbing-a singular
fruit had begun to set. Sending for
an expert, they took counsel togeth-
er. They knew that this was the
only tree of the kind in Paris, and
they could not understand from
whence had come the pollen that had
fortified the plant. At length they
published the story in the papers. and
that story brought the explanation
A merchant wrote that years before
he had brought to Marseilles young
plant from the Amazon. The pollen
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1914-03-12
Last Call to the Dining Car, Minnie"

match the same thing match each 9TH
er-! What do you say?-Barnes."
"P. 81 love you. I feel like a
damn fool saying it, but heaven knows
it's true"
P. P. STILL love you. It's easier
the second time"
IN. b love you-got the habit
now and can't stop writing IT'D"
Well, had to keep calm and attend
to business, but was seething inside
like a Seidlitz powder Every few
minutes I'd reread the letter under the
edge Of the stand, and the more read
1t the more excited I got. When a
woman's gone past thirty before she
gets her first love letter, she isn't
sure whether to thank providence or
the man.. but she's pretty sure to make
a fool of herself.
Thoburn came to the news stand on
his way out with the ice-cutting gang
to the pond.
Last call to the dining car, Minnie, 4"
he said. "'Will you-won't you--will
you-wont you-will you join the
dancer"
Il haven't any reason for changing
my plans" retorted. 81 promised the
old doctor to stick by the place, and
I'm sticking"
CAS- the man said when he sat down
on the fly paper. You're going by your
heart, Minnie, and not by your head,
and in this toss, heads win"
But with my new puffs on the back of
my head, and my letter in my pocket,
I wasn't easy to discourage. Thoburn
shouldeIed his pick and, headed by
Doctor Barnes, the ice-cutters started
out in single file. AS they passed Doc
tor Barnes glanced at me, and my
heart almost stopped
do they-is it a match?" he asked,
with his eyes on mine.
| couldn't speak, but l nodded yes, -
and all that afternoon l could see the
wonderful smile that lit up his face
as he went out.
Miss Cobb stopped at the news stand
on her way to the gymnasium. She
was a homely woman at any time, and
in her boomers she looked like a
soup-bone. She padded over to the
counter in her gym shoes, and for
once she'd forgotten her legs.
May l speak to you, Minnie?" she
asked.
You mostly do" 1 said There
| isn't a new rule about speaking, is
| there?"
This is important, Minnie" she
said, rolling her eyes around as she
always did when she was excited. I'm
in such state Of ex-I see you bought
the puffs! Perhaps you will lend them
| to me if we arrange for a country
| dance"
I'm not lending them" said firm.
| ly. It would have been like lending
an engagement ring, to my mind
Miss Cobb was not offended. She went
at once to what had brought her, and
| bent over the counter.
Minnie, you love Miss Jennings
almost like a daughter, don't your"
Like a sister, Miss Cobb" I said
I'm not feeble yet
! We'll, you wouldn't want to see her
deceived"
q wouldn't have it," I answered.
! Then what do you call this?" She
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1914-03-12
Bed W ater.

Apropos of the red water" seen in
and about salt lakes Mr.. F. Whitteron
writes that in all samples examined
by him (at Geelong, Victoria, Austria
Ha) the color was wholly due to a
curious little organism, either oval
or round, and equipped with two
small fagella or lash-like extensions.
When examined under a microscope
the bodies of these minute specks of
living matter are seen to be intensely
pigmented with red coloring matter.
When the brine becomes saturated
the oval form changes to a circular
shape. Whes such brine begins to
crystalline tire resulting salt has q
reddish tinge- and Mr.. Whitteron sug-
gests that each organism may be the
nucleus abou. which a crystal forms.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1914-03-12
Oldtime Bearded Women.

a bearded woman was taken by the
Russians at the battle of Pultowa. She
was such curiosity that she was
given to Car Peter |. Her beard meas
ured IL yards. Margaret of Savoy,
daughter Of Macmillan l., emperor of
Germany, and governor of the Neither
lands 1907 to $780, had a very long,
stiff beard. In Bavaria at the time Of
Wolf1us there lived a woman with a
great long beard. Mile Bots de Chene,
born at Geneva, it was said, in 1884,
was exhibited il London when she
was eighteen years old. She had pro-
fuse head of hair and strong black
beard.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1914-03-12
GLORIOUS" RIOTS IN DUBLIR
London Newspaper Thus Describes
Popular EbulIitions in lre!and's
Ancient Capital.

One Of the jolIiest Dublin riots Of re
cent years celebrated the relief Of
Ladysmith Dublin was pro-Boer, but
Trinity college was on the side of the
government. From their stronghold
On College Green the Trinity boys
descended in their fury upon the town.
It was a glorious half hour. Dublin
was spelling for a fight. But the ar
rival upon the scene of the royal Irish
constabulary brought about change
in the disposition Of forces. The con-
tending armies joined in a vigorous
and effective onslaught against the
common enemy. For every Irishman
whether he labels himself Unionist
or NationaIist-is at heart rebel.
There was a Dublin riot which
broke out or the mere rumor of a
scheme for the union of Ireland with
England The mob on December 5,
1859. descended upon the houses of
parliament and testified to their scorn
ri politicians bv so0ting upon the
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1914-03-12
QG{zz 7h q KZA2zz5zS e.
s. SA ~ lSWzlLEo " "
PEACEFUL HOME.

An enthusiastic young minister who
followed one of the old type in a
sleepy country village was humping
the rostrum a good deal, and disturbed
a spider which had found peaceful ref,
uge in one of the crannies for many a
day
Wandering up the aisle homeless, ii
was met by another spider, and the
tale of woe was impaired.
Il can't stand this new minister
humping and jumping about. I have
lived in the pulpit for many years, but
can't stay there any longer"
Said the second spider, actuated by
a fine spirit Of charity:
Come along with me. I haven't
been disturbed for fifty years. My
homes in the collection box at the
door. Sphere.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1914-03-12
SYNOPSIS.

Minnie, spring-house girl at Hope sana-
lorium. tells the story. It opens with the
ported to be engaged to marry a prince,
ana the death Of the old doctor who owns
the sanatorium. The estate is left 10 a
ECapegraCe grandson Dicky Garter, VINO
must appear on q certain date and run
The sauat0rium successfully for two
months OF forfeit the inheritance. a case
Of mumps delays Dicks arrival. Mr.. Tho
burn Is lowering about in hopes Of Sc
curing the place for a summer hotel
Pierce, a college man in hard luck, is pre-
vailed upon by Van AIstyne, Dicks broth
gr-in-law. to impersouate the missing heir
and take charge OF the sanatorlum until
Carter arrives Dick. who has eIoped
with Pattv's younger sister, Dorothy. ar
yiyes. and the couple go into hiding in
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1914-03-12
CHAPTER xIII-contInued.


I did my best to leave them alone
on the way back, but Miss Patty stuck
close to my heels. 1t was showing,
and the going was slow. For the first
five minutes she only spoke once.
And so Miss Summers and Dlcky
Carter are old friends."
ct appears so, Mr. Pierce said.
"She's rather magnanimous, under
the circumstances, Miss Patty re-
marked demurely.
Under what circumstances ?"
heard her laugh a little, behind me.
Never mind" she said You
needn't tell me anything you don't
care to. But what a stew you must
all have been in"
There was a minutes silence behind
me. and then Mr.. PIERCE laughed too.
Stew" he said For the last few
days I've been either paralyzed with
fright or electrified into wild bursts
Of mendacity. And I'm not naturally
q liar"
REALTY" she retorted. what an
actor you are!"
They laughed together at that, and
gained a little on them. At the cor
ner where the path skirted the deer
park and turned toward the house
lost them altogether and I floundered
on alone. But I had not gone twenty
feet when I stopped suddenly. About
fifty yards ahead lantern was com.
Ing toward me through the snow, mad
1 could hear a mans voice, breathless
and gasping.
set it down" it said THE damned
thing must be filed with lead" 1t
sounded like Thoburn.
It's the snow another voice re-
piled. Mr. Won Inwald's. y told you
it would take two trips"
Yes. Thoburn retorted, breathing
ira groans. stay up all night to get
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1914-03-12

Il was looking for you" he said to
her. The bishop has just told me.
There are no obstacles now"
None" she said, looking up at him
with Indebtedness in her eyes, if he
had only seen. Il am very happy"
She was just saying" l said bitter
ly, "how grateful she was to both of
u.s."
Il don't understand"
1T is not hard to understand" she
said, smiling. l wanted to slap her.
Father was unreasonable because he
was i'll You have made him well. l
can never thank you enough"
But she rather oyerdfd the joy part
of it, and he leaned over and looked in
her face.
q think I'm stupid" he said. 81
know I'm unhappy. But isn't that what
I was to do-to make them well If !
could?"
How could anybody know" she
began angrily, and then stopped You
have done even more" she said
sweetly. You've turned them into
! cherubims and seraphims. Butter
wouldt melt in their mouths"
| He smiled.
| MY amiability must be the reason
| you dislike mel" he suggested. They
had both forgotten me.
do I dislike your" she asked, rails.
| ing her eyebrows. 81 never really
thought about it, but I'm sure I don't"
She didn't look at him, she looked at
me. She knew I knew she lied.
! His smile faded.
well" he said, Speaking of dislik.
ing amiability, you don't hate your
self, Pm sure"
you are wrong" she retorted, 81
loathe myself" And she walked to
the window. He took a step or two
after her.
why do it at all?" he asked in a
low tone. you don't love him-and
can't. And if it isn't love" He re-.
membered me suddenly and stopped.
please go on" she said sweetly
from the window. DO not mind Min
ME. She is my conscience anyhow.
She is always scolding me; you might
both scold in chorus"
81 wouldn't presume to scold."
Then give me little advice and
Look superior and righteous. I'm &C
customed to that also"
GAS long as you are in this mood, l
can't give you anything but very
good day." he said angrily, and went
toward the door But when he had al.
most reached it he turned.
81 will say this" he said, you have
known for three days that Mr.. Tho
burn was going to have a supper to.
night, and you didn't let us know. You
must have known his purpose"
I guess 1 was as surprised as she
was. I'd never suspected she knew.
She looked at him over her Shout
der
why shouldn't he have a sup
PERI" she demanded angrily. I'm
starving all starving for decent
food. I'm kept here against my will.
Why shouldn't l have one respect
able meal? You with your wretched
stewed fruits and whole-wheat" breads!
Ugh!"
I'm sorry Thoburn's idea, of course,
is to make the guests disconnected, SO
they will leave"
"Oh!" she said. She hadn't thought
of that, and she flushed. "At least"
she said, you must give me credit for
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1914-03-12
In Bo stonese.

a New York man in Boston was
overtaken by hunger late one night.
He entered a quick lunch restaurant,
perched himself atop of a stool, and
said to the waiter: "Sinkers and cot
fee"
"Sinkers? Sinkers?" said the wait
er. ITO what do you refer, sir?"
'Sinkers are doughnuts in New
York" the customer explained.
"Oh, l beg your pardon replied the
waiter. Here we always refer to
hem as submarines"
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1914-03-12

the blamed stuff here. and then get
up at dawn for cold bath and a
twenty-mile walk and an apple for
breakfast. Ugh, my shoulder is dislo-
Gated"
I turned and flew back to Miss Pat
ty and Pierce. They had stopped in
the shelter of the fence corner and
Mr.. Pierce was on his knees in front
of her! was so astounded that I for
got for the moment what had brought
me.
Just q second he was saying. It's
ice on the heel"
Please get up off your knees, you'll
take cold"
Never had a cold. III scrape it off
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1914-03-12
Drunken MONKEYS,

According to a recent letter from
the Congo region on the west coast
Of Africa, the monkeys there are in
ordinately fond of a kind of beer
made by the natives, who use the
beverage to capture their poor rela-
tons. Having placed quantities of
beer where the monkeys can get at
it, the natives wait until their victims
are in various degrees of fnebriation,
and when they mingle with them the
poor creatures are too much fuddled
to recognize the difference between
negro and ape. When a negro takes
the hand of one of them to lead him
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1914-03-12
As He Got Ii.

A newly married lady was being in,
terviewed by the reporter of the local
paper just after the ceremony.
And after the honeymoon where do
you intend to settle DOWN." was his
final question.
''At the old manse," said the bride,
as she hurried away.
The reporter thought it sounded a
bit familiar, but he decided to use it,
so when it appeared in print the report
finished up: after the honeymoon
the happy couple intend to live at the
old mans"
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1914-03-12

not trying to spoil Dick and Dolly's
chance here"
1--WE are going to allow the party to
go on he said, stiff and uncompromis-
ing. 1t would have been better if he'd
accepted her bit of apology.
How kind of you! l dare say he
would have it, anyhow" She was sar>
castle again.
Probably. And you-will go?
Certainly"
Even when the result"
"Oh, don't preach!" she said, pus
ting her hands to her ears. ''If you
and Minnie want to preach, why don't
you preach at each other? Minnie
talks love, love, love- And you preach
health and morality. You drive me
crazy between you"
ITO RE CONTINtJED)
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1914-03-12
She Was Particular.

Are you sure this is a good canta
loupe?"
Reasonably so, madam"
us it sweet and ripe, of good flavor
with not too many seeds?"
81 think it's all that"
Hasn't been picked too long, has it
How about the rind?"
The grocer finally got her Is cents
I'D hate to try to sell that woman
an automobile" said he to the clerk
YEARLY.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1914-03-12

BALL players are going into vaude-
vile right along"
"They are"
I'm an umpire. l wonder IL
couldn't break in?"
'Why not? You'd be just the man
to open the bill, while the orchestra
is tuning up and the audience is bang
ing the seats. It's thankless job"
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1914-03-12
Mark Twain In Sarcastic Mood.

Even the cleverest and most per
feet circumstantial evidence is like
ly to be at fault, after all, and there
fore ought to be received with great
caution" said the late Mark Twain.
Take the case Of any pencil shar-
pened by any woman. If you have wit
nesses, you will find she did it with
knife; but If you simply take the az,
pect of the pencil, you viii say she
did It with her teeth
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1914-03-12

throne a decrepit old woman. in whose
mouth they placed a pipe and invited
her to smoke. In the house Of ccm-
mons they proposed to make bonfire
Of the journals, but we're diverted by a
more enticing proposal to hang Rigby,
the newly appointed master of the
rolls. on the grim revolutionaries sal
lied, the necessary gallows ready, to
seize, their lawyer. Rigby. however,
had scented mischief, and had 'pru-
IDENTIFY gone into the country. Lon
don Chronicle.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1914-03-12

'The last man that came by askin'
for work, said the farmer, was one
O. them writin chaps"
Did he say he was?"
HE didn't need to; I knowed it
without tellin', fer he looked as lone
some as a sheddin' owl settin' on a
graveyard gate post, an as hungry as
jest ben hit by lightnin'!"
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1914-03-12
Rather Embarrassing.

MYRTLE was never so embarrassed
in all my life.
Mabel-What happened?
Myrtle-Last night Tom begged me
for two hours for a lock CT my hair
one that dangled cutely over my right
ear.
Mabel-Silly. Why didn't you give
it to him?
Myrtle-And ruin my new SO
switch? I guess not.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1914-03-12
Emphasizina the Difference

"a millionaire says he remembers
quite well when he had to work hard
for one dollar day"
And I guess every time he remem-
bers it he touches a button and orders
some additional luxury, just to make
the contrast with his present aff1u-
ence all the greater"
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1914-03-12
Merely an Episode,

my wife killed 80 rattlesnakes this
morning" remarked the old farmer,
down in the meadow lot"
"Why, that was a fearful expert
ence," gasped the tourist.
ut was kind of annoying, anyway.
She wasn't out after rattlesnakes. She's
was after huckleberries."
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1914-03-12

eff some other fond creature clings to
the hand of the latter one, and anoth-
er to his hand; thus single negro
may sometimes be seen carrying of
a string of staggering monkeys.
When secured, the beer is admins
tered in decreasing quantities, so that
they may only gradually awaken to
the sad results of their spree.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1914-03-12
Scientific MANAGEMENT Again.

"Our boss is a crank on efficiency"
whats he up to now?"
Trying to teach the stenographer
to chew her gum in two movements
less per minute to the lower jaw"
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1914-03-12
Fully Exclaimed.

81 hope you know enough to keep
your wife's relatives at a distance"
Hum. My wife's maiden aunt is go
ing to live with u.s.
Good gracious! Send her away"
81 can't. She's going to live with
US in her house"
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1914-03-12
The IJeIJat Profit

did Jones realize anything In the
investment he made on the tip Smith
gave him."
ooh, yes"
what did he realize?"
what fool he had been to take
1T"
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1914-03-12
Avoiding Comparlson.

What is your objection to me as a
son-in-law? My character Is beyond
reproach.'
That's just It," said Mr.. Oldsport.
"You don't suppose want to go
through the rest Of my life having you
held up to me as a shining example"
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1914-03-12
Added fneIIIf

why is he so bitter at the girl he
was only recently engaged to-"
Because when she sent the ring
back she labeled the box, Glass
with carei'"