South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1914-05-29
STATESMEN
REAL AND NEAR
By FIRED @ KELLY.

WASHINGTON. May Ex-senator
Lawrence Y. Sherman of Illinois
browses about secondhand book
stores by the hour whenever he can
spare the time, trying to flush odd
phrases and little-known facts about
httle-known subjects. No strange
fact is too humble for Sherman TO
utilize in a speech sooner or later
when the occasion is just right
Once, when he was a member of
the state legislature in Illinois, there
was bill up providing for the eX-
penditure of money to erect a hand
some monument to preserve the
memory of the brave citizens who
fought the Indians in a certain little
Illinois village at the time of a his
tOric massacre.
Sherman had no particular objec-
ton to the monument. but before let
ting the bill pass he desired to know
more about that Indian massacre. So
he went to the libraries and began
10 burrow down into the historical
sections. He didn't stop digging until
he unearthed several musty old his
tories almost as old as the state it
self. One Of these, with saffron pages,
seemed to Sherman TO contain the
most plausible account of the Indian
attack. 1t said that there was not
much of a fight on that occasion. for
the reason that all the white people
ran when they saw the Indians COM
ing. This seemed plausible TO Sher-
man, because. as he explained, it was
exactly what he would have done if
he had been there. He got up and
made a speech in which he quoted
the passage from the history about
the retreat of the people whose brav-
cry was to be cOmmemorated. Then,
having had his joke, he sat down and
voted for the bill TO erect the monu-
ment.
Representative Robert Crosser of
Ohio, the congressman who never
gives tips. changed his hotel little
while ago. and the walters. not know
ing who he was. started in to show
him attention.
The first waiter lowered about him
so closely that Crosser could scarce
ly consume his victuals for thinking
how disappointed that waiter would
be when he learned the true situa-
ton. So he arranged to have that
waiter shifted TO another assignment
The next waiter made less fuss over
CrOsser, but nevertheless he showed
that he had hopes of a stipend at the
end Of the week. Crosser was almost
sorry that he does not believe in tip
ping.
Hell hear that was born in Ccot-
land" thought CrOsser, land then
he'll recall the jokes that have been
told about Harry Lauder He'll think
that 1 don't tip because I'm too
stingy TO tip"
In order to convince the waiter
that it is a matter of principle rather
than the money involved. Crosser
went to the marts the next day.
bought a large box of ten-cent cigars
and handed them 10 the waiter.
But he will die before he will place
SO much as an old-fashioned three
cent piece in the mans palm.
When Vice President Marshall was
down in Florida making a speech re-
Gently a member OF the reception
committee pointed 70 some festoons
OF bunting and overs that were drap-
ed artisticallv across many Of the
business blocks and dwelling places.
What do YOU think Of the decOra-
tons in your honor?" he asked Mar
shall
Are they in my honor?" inquired
the vice president. incredulously.
Certainly"
Well. I'm glad 10 have that assur-
ance," remarked Marshall Ever
since the experience I had down in
Arizona I have been extremely sus-
picious about such decorations. got
up and prefaced my speech with pro-
fuse thanks 10 the good townspeople
for going 70 so much trouble 10 deco
rate their thriving little CITY on my
account After I had finished the
speech 7 found ont why so many per
sons smiled when I gave my vote Of
Jhanks The decorations were there
because they were about 10 have a
county fair"
Only once within easy recollection
II any member OF the house has
- representative Phillip p Campbell
ne handsome and urhane. standput
e7cmber from Kansas. been robbed Of
the calm poise and sGuanimiIy that i
his