davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Evening public ledger. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1914-1942, 1914-10-22
Somewhat Stretched

THE law of gravity operates to the ad-
vantage of many jOkesmith."
Go on"
Without it no one would fall for their
jokes"
Evening public ledger. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1914-1942, 1914-10-22

The Friends obtained the name of Qualters
In 1850 George Fox, a Friend chronicler,
says that IT originated with Justice Bennett
of Derby, England: II bade him quake and
tremble at the word of the Lord" Butler
in "Hudibras," says:
"Quakers (that like lanterns bear
Their lights within them) will not swear"
Evening public ledger. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1914-1942, 1914-10-22
The Perfect Lover
Au ReYoir

Does he make love nicely?"
Does he? He can kiss in Maxixe tinen
Evening public ledger. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1914-1942, 1914-10-22
Ballad in the Old Manner

(To Miss Gertrude Stein, the futurist poet
who asks, why is there no oyster closer?"
on a certain page of her book, Tender
ButtonS.D
l know, dear heart, that with the shadows
falling
Upon the day, when nights disasters crowd,
You sit and listen to the oysters calling,
Now soft, now loud.
Their voices come to you, the white and
slender
Shades of the deep irrevocable past.
To you their nmOst thoughts serene and
tender "
Are passed.
Could but know the answer to your query,
Gould but set your aching soul at rest,
l should rejoice as one who sinned and,
weary,
Confessed
And yet, my dear, your question is poser,
Or yet my brain to futuro-verse is slow
You ask me, why is there no oyster closer?
l don't know
Conscience
How is it," they asked the eminent author,
that you no longer write tales of the great
West?"
Il paid visit there recently" he said,
land it ruined my imagination"
The Hero
We know hero of mistaken gall:
y small and slender man, but brave withaL
His is a heart that never thinks of odds
The most forbidding foe he thrusts and prods.
He never hesitates to speak his mind,
Fen though the words are brutal and unkind.
Alike meath bitter maledictons and
Most dire threats his attitude is bland.
He does not have to figure out the cost;
His plan is such that he has never lost.
He wages war unaided and alone,
He is the man who fights by telephone
Too Late
First Burglar-Bill. did you get those
trousers i'm the bedroom?
Second Burglar-Naw; didn't you see his
wife had been at them? The pockets were
turned inside out.
A Relapse
An ailing young man of Seville
Obtained from his doctor a pile;
He was we'll for a while,
(Though the capsule was vile)
Until he was given the bile.
Perhaps
"Why do they call those loud-striped crea-
tions rainbow gowns'?'
Il presume it is because they are worn
by the reigning bellies"
Somewhat Stretched
"The law of gravity operates to the ad-
vantage of many jokesmith."
Go on"
Without it no one would fall for their
Evening public ledger. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1914-1942, 1914-10-22

Whereas Mr.. Bill James pitching average
in the worlds series is known-100O per
cent
Evening public ledger. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1914-1942, 1914-10-22

no YOU see that man over there on that
~ side of the table," said very prominent
lawyer from old Virginia at dinner sew
eral nights ago There is no better man in
the world and l like him very much because
I know him a man of the highest integrity
of character and very conspicuous ability as
a lawyer lie holds a high position in the
Government today and is worthy of the honor
that has come to him; but I remember that
I appealed to him over and over again at
the convention i'm Baltimore to come out for
Wilson. He could not be moved by anything
! could say to him, and absolutely refused to
move from his position, however hard tried
to change his determination. Look at him
now, and then look at me. He is worthy of
his high office, there's no doubt about that,
and would adorn the highest court in the
land; but look at me- here am. I hoped
that through the President we should be able
to break up machine domination in my State,
and | believed that such would he the result
If we gave him our support. / did all could
for him and did it n patriotic duty and
not In any selfish interest. ! contributed al
together out of my sCant means $500 to The
Cause. and SO it happens that here l am with
not influence enough to secure the appoint
mcnt of even single fourth-class postmaster
in my State district"
Evening public ledger. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1914-1942, 1914-10-22

The letter "Y" was called the Samian let
ter by Pythagoras an emblem of the path
Of virtue and vice. Pope in the "Duncad,"
alludes to it:
when reason, doubtful like the samlan
letter,
Points him two ways, the narrower the
better"
Evening public ledger. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1914-1942, 1914-10-22

solve to get in then or not at ALL I got in
and then came out and here I am and still
engaged in the practice of the law with my
judicial longings still unsatisfed ! may add
that was received standing UP, and never
could talk on matters in which am deeply
Interested except when I am seated com
fortably and have the undivided attention of
the person with whom l am conversing"
Evening public ledger. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1914-1942, 1914-10-22

THE guard dies but never surrenders," at
tributed 10 Cambronne, who was made a
prisoner at Waterloo, was really invented
two days after the battle by Rougemont, a
prolific author Of mots
Evening public ledger. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1914-1942, 1914-10-22
The Care Free

l don't know much about Verdun;
don't know who has lost or won:
don't know who is Vandal, or who ~.
And
Evening public ledger. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1914-1942, 1914-10-22
Perhaps

"Why do they call those loud-striped crea
tions rainbow gowns'?"
Il presume it is because they are wori
by the reignng bellies"
Evening public ledger. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1914-1942, 1914-10-22
CAPITAL GOSSIP

Mastery Leadership of Underwood Responsible for Most Legislation of Value
President Receives Visitors Standing Up Their Great Annoyance.
Original Wilson Men Get Few "Pckingso
Evening public ledger. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1914-1942, 1914-10-22

1t Is better for city to clean up by fits and
starts, TO he clean by spasms." as it were
than never 10 be clean az all, Even once a
year is better than TO revel In filth until filth
comes 20 be one of the necessaries Of life
Galveston News
Prof Sidney D. Guick OF Doshsha Univer-
sity, kyoto. Japan, correctly CharaCterizeg the
movement for world peace as Superficial" II
has bcen and is just that. Doctor Gulick might
have gone further and have said that It also
many Of those who have approved the move
ment because II has seemed ethically correct
have. In fact. had very little sympathy with
it-Detroit Free Press.
Mr.. Wilson's panegyric OF the work Of the
Democrats il Congress Is instinct with the
Evening public ledger. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1914-1942, 1914-10-22
A Relapse

An ailing young man of Seville
Obtained from his doctor a pile;
He was we'll for a while,
Though the capsule was vile),
Until he was given the billie.
Evening public ledger. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1914-1942, 1914-10-22

Professional mourners date back to the
Romans, who hired women, known as car
mae, TO weep at funerals.
Evening public ledger. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1914-1942, 1914-10-22
A Prospective Harvey

from the Boston Herald
IhGs Tar champ Clark bravely regists The
impulse TO 60 TO the White House ana IAN On
Evening public ledger. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1914-1942, 1914-10-22

There were three founders of Rome" the
first, Romulus, b. c. 1852; the second, Camil-
lus, who saved the city from the GauIs,
B, c. $685. the third, Caius Marius. who saved
the city from the Teutones and Cimbri
B. c. 1Ol
Evening public ledger. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1914-1942, 1914-10-22
Conscience

How is it," they asked the eminent author,
that you no longer write tales of the great
West?"
II paid visit there recently" he said,
land it ruined my imagination"
Evening public ledger. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1914-1942, 1914-10-22
PRAISES EDITORIALS

Philadelphia. October II.
Evening public ledger. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1914-1942, 1914-10-22
The Hero

First Burglar-Bil did you get those
trousers i'm the bedroom?
Second Burglar-Naw; didn't you his
wife had been at them? The pockets were
turned inside out.
Evening public ledger. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1914-1942, 1914-10-22

A nip i'm the morning air and the smell Of
burnt leaves at evening are two pleasant
factors Of perfect fall weather Today gives
promise Of both, provided little Willes
matches hold out
Evening public ledger. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1914-1942, 1914-10-22

When the final curtain falls on the tragedy
being enacted in Europe there will be
neither applause nor curtain calls and per-
haps the gallery Of neutrals will hiss the
author Of It all
Evening public ledger. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1914-1942, 1914-10-22

Hauishing Maeterlinck from the mental
life Of Germany may not he so easy as GER
tain ardent patriots imagine,
Evening public ledger. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1914-1942, 1914-10-22

The Russians seem to have a special weak
ness for changing geographical names; and it
would be so simple to change Prussia TO
Russia.
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1914-06-15
Make Navigation in Fogs Safe

Tho statement of Captain Roberts oil tue -.
-. T.. mo, clear IN this second case OF shPs
in q fog knowing each others proAiui'! anu
>t,ntly communicating yet unable 10 a'oiu
II the Pretorias captain was out OF Tue iee
summer course for castbound transatlantic liners
that REQUIRES some explanation from n'"'
r.hor no chose 10 90 ahead, after the New JUN
had signalled that it had stopped to aVo'u Oo,
u.;or he assumed q certain responsibility for Wncn
bo must account Nevertheless, it is not YET c'ed'
that any real blame attaches to him
Rut rea! blame does attach TO rules and cohul-
,ions Of navigation which make possible two COL
li.iops within few days between vesseis III los'
hut fully aware of each others nearness ana ol 'n
course each was pursuing. The Empress Vi ii'
land and the Storstad came together alter see'"s
each other but moment before and when Oo'u
we're blowing their whistles constantly. Inc ile
toris and New York came together with the HOWL
edge Of the Canadian tragedy fresh in their cap
tains' minds. Fortunately in this instance there
was no loss of life but unless the slow speed at
which the German ship was travelling saved tue
American liner. we must feel that it was chance
rather than rules or mechanical devices that make
70 safety which prevented a second catastrophe
PLAINLY the rules OF navigation in fog neel
revision bv sOme competent international pou9
which shall make safety, not progress, their maln
oil cct If submarine signalling devices VIII as
close the position Of moving ships at sea as ac-
curatelv as they do that Of signal station on
land their adoption should be required by inter
national agreement But in any case vessels near
ing each others whistles in fog could be required
10 Sow down TO bare steerage way, so that In case
OF n collision the damage would in no instance De
GREATER than il fortunately was in this latest bump
on the Atlantic.
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1914-06-15
SEMAPHORES AT SEA
This Reader Wants Railroading Safe
guards Applied to Ships.

To the Editor Of The Tribune.
Sir: Builders OF steamships are all try
ing-but with no successful build boats
that will stand all kinds of impact oy
supplying them with watertight compart-
ments. Now. we all know that our rail-
roads have for years given up the idea OF
making cars that will stand Collisions
and all trains are equipped with nag
man. whose duty it is to go back a GER
tain distance and warn the oncohlihs
train of Its danger Why not do practi-
carv the same when feasible with SNIP
ping? Could not the thousand lives lost
on the Empress of Ireland have been
saved if the ship, while lying to in the
dense fog at the mouth of the 81. Law
renee. had sent out two or three liiepoats
in different directions, with lights or oeIls
on. to notify oncoming ships; or perhaps
some inventive Yankee might get up
contrivance that would run out on
cable. say. four or FIVE hundred feet, same
as torpedoes, and remain there 10 give
warning to other boats.
1t will never be safe to travel the sea
if some way of making safety zone IN
stead of safety ship is not thought OUT
FRANK G. HART.
New Brunswick, y. j., June :. 1914
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1914-06-15
Fair Paw for Carving the Mails.

Is it an administration policy to cnca' '"e
reads out of fair pay for carrying the mans
Moon bill providing for rates of pay Is uesc''ocu
an administration bill" 1t had It's or's'" :" w
Postotlice Department. 1t was PRODUCER S"uu'".
lust as a Congressional commission "h'cn n'u w"
patiently studying the problem OF pay ior '"'''''
the mails was about to report
The Moon bill provides rates OF pa! 'o"e'
those which this able commission after an eAhau9'
i've inquiry was ready to recommend as iair 10 u,
railroads. The Moon bill rates are arpnra'!' "N.u
annarcntlv for the sole purpose Of covering up Sne
deficit in thc Postofice Department which paying
reasonable rate for carrying the mails would pro-
duce. .
President Wilson has said several tlmes ina' RAJ"
roads ought 10 receive fair rate for thcT sc'N
He might set the good example OF con'pe'''"s "'0
own Postoficc Department 20 pay ia'r F"'e wv
CARRYING the mails
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1914-06-15
Adlai Z. Stevenson.

Adlai T. Stevenson enjoyed the distinction, rare
since the earlier days of the Republic, of having
been twice nominated for the VicePresidency. Like
Thomas A. Hendricks he was once elected and once
defeated and that experience James S. Sherman
would have shared if he had not died just before
tho 1912 election.
Mr. Stevenson was a typical Democrat of the older
Middle Western school. He was a Kentuckian
transplaned into Illinois, and his natural associates
we're men like Morrison, John NJ. Palmer and David
Davis all representing the Southern border state
strain of blood so powerful in Indiana and middle
and lower Illinois.
Though not a leader of the first rank in politics,
Mr.. Stevenson knew how TO make friends and hold
them. He was five times candidate for Congress
i'm a naturally Republican Illinois district and he
was twice elected. He held the not very cOnspcu-
Gus post under Mr.. Cleveland's first administration
Of First Assistant Postmaster General He lacked
there any intimate inside touch with national poll
tics beyond acting as axeman for Republican fourth
class postmasters He was not an orator or cam
paigu manager Yet his sincere and pleasant per
sonaIity made him available twice thereafter as a
81 ndidate for Vice President.
In that office as well out OF il b, retiring,
sensible and moderate. He was tactful well IS
genial The country will remember him as a COM
peent useful and thoroughly available public man.
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1914-06-15
Fair PLAY for the New Costumes.

The ope season for bathing suits is upon us
and rumors fill the air. Skirts are TO be shorter
boomers larger; tights are to drive out boomers
and so on Amid this dizzy news it is pleasure
70 observe the Chief of Police Of Chicago keeping
his head and minding his business in these well
chosen words:
Girls can wear skirts short they like or dis
card them entirely and wear boomers, so far as
this department is concerned Women wear bloom
ers in the gymnasium, and il they are proper there
they are not improper on beach.
That is not the way most censors talk, unfortu-
nately. II is not the way Chicago's preceding
chief of police talked He arrested beboomered
swimmer it will be recalled, on the shores Of Lake
Michigan with the idea Of clothing the episode in
the full majesty of the law But everybody
chortled the courts acquitted the boomers, and
the censor lost a considerable portion Of his pres
tige His successor has evidently learned wisdom
from the example.
We hope that our local censors, amateur and
professional will show equal sense and await what
the beaches bring forth in spirit of chastened and
judicial calm.
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1914-06-15
Still Looting the Foreign Service.

The Spoils system won another victory on Satur-
day when the Senate agreed to exempt from the
protected service the commercial attaches who are
10 IL sent abroad 10y Secretary Redhed. The at
taches are TO do hereafter some OF the work which
consus and consuls general now do, and there is no
reason why they should not have a tenure as con
suls have. dependent upon competitive examination
and demonstrated efficiency in office The consular
service is protected by an executive order Except
in rare cases when the President sets aside the
der, candidates for consuates must pass examna-
lions for entry into the lower grades Then they
arc promoted on their records.
Although it has taken shocking liberties with the
diplomatic service, the present administration has
shrunk so far from lootlng the consuates. The
only very fragrant case OF craftsmanship in this ser
vice was the cause of sharp discussion in the
House OF Representatives the other day In order
TO pay off some personal obligation the President
appointed as consul 10 Jerusalem an elderly New
Jersey clergyman Of Southern connections the Rev.
q 3 A. Glazebrook As Representative Giett, of
Massachusetts,. told the House. there is an extra
territorial jurisdiction in Jerusalem and the consul
is required 20 act in judicial capacity Nobody
could therefore be less qualified for such delicate
post than an elderly American theologian without
legal or consular experience.
The President had promised to observe the eI
ecutive order protecting consus, except where the
good OF the service required departure from it,
But in the most conspicuous departure which he has
made the good Of the service entirely forgotten
What can be expected If the administration is TO
have free hand in selecting the corps Of com
mercla attaches? The service instead of being
made helpful instrument for the promotion Of for
elgn trade will be turned into retreat for the
broken down OF relief station for the hungry and
thirsty.
ny classifying and protecting the attaches hr.
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1914-06-15
Mr.. Underwood Takes Big Chances.

Representative Underwood seems 10 nnu l'eeuo"
from the Wilson leash intoxicating. He threw HIS
leadership of the House Of Representatives into Tue
balance when he joined with Speaker clark III ut
fvng the President on the Panama Canal tolls ISSUE
Since then he has been nominated for sN-Fea'
term I'm the Senate and the loss of the House caoe'
shin no longer worries him. The Speaker has quit
talking but Mr.. Underwood still condemns the
President for insisting withdrawal OF the III
direct subsidy given to American coastWHe sup
ping by exempting it from the payment of tolls at
Panama Worse than that, he has started move
ment for the early adjournment Of Congress
We trembe TO think what will happen to the
Alabama statesman the next time he is summoned
10 appear in the tent on the White House lawn
The Democratic member Of Congress who has tne
temerity to say that it is time to shut up shop ana
90 home when Mr. Wilson has just dropped the hlnt
that another summer session is desirable is PLAINLY
headed toward some form Of military punishment
rhe spirit of instruction must be crushed and there
is no more conspicuous nsurrecto In sight in WASH
ington than Mr.. Underwood.
If there were Bastile at the capital we NOV
where Mr. Underwood would spend the heated TERM
Instead of keeping an appointment at the NhHe
House tent this week he would better buy tcKet
TO Niagara Falls and throw himself on the mercy OF
the A r c mediators.
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1914-06-15
A Conference on Christian Unity.

The World Conference on Faith and Order to dis.
cuss the possibility of Christian unity, to meet,
NAV mark an epoch in the history of Christianity.
II is already certain that all the more important
Christian bodies of the world with the possible
ception of the Roman Catholic Church will be rep
resented in it and its deliberations will do much
TO bring all Christians into closer bonds of SYM
pathy even if organic unity is found to be impos-
sibe
II seems US that this great gathering of rep
resentative Christians might wisely consider the
possibility Of comfy and cooperation in the
actual work of the churches as a preliminary to
any real union of Christendom. In the field of
foreign SlSsions a dozen or more denominational
organizations are trying to do work which could be
done far better and much more cheaply by one or
ganization representing the united purpose of
federated and cooperative Christianity. This year
all the missionary boards are reporting huge def
cts, which not due 10 any lack of faith on
the part of the home Christians but simply because
they are no longer willing to support this costly
and foolish policy of overlapping and redupcation
in missionary work.
The same thing is true Of the home field to III
even greater degree. There are thousands Of towns
villages and hamets in this country at the present
moment desperately struggling TO carry the grevous
financial burdens laid upon them by UNCONVENTIONAL
duplication of work. This great economic waste Of
men and money cannot continue much longer. The
Christian laity will refuse finally - put up the
money for its support; and the churches will he
compelled 10y the economic necessities Of the case
TO devise some plan of federation In certain depar
ments of work long before they can see their way
10 an organic union.
While this conference will do much 10 make
Christians see the larger Christianity OF which
each denomination is segment, there is need "
some educational propaganda to remove the mis-
trust and misunderstanding that responsible
for the present evils Of denominationalism. Chris
tians are held apart by lack of information con
corning each others beliefs by the dead inertia o.
tradition and by self-centred UNCONVENTIONAL com
placeDcy due TO an ignorance of the greater and
more vital principles and ideals of Christianity tina,
are neither seen nor realized by the man who lives
only inside his deDominational penthouse. II hes
been recently announced that popular and author
itative encyclopaedia OF Christianity prepared by
the greatest scholars Of the age is to appear
help in this campaign Of education. And 1t Is GER
tain that such a work on broad and positive lines
Of conviction as TO the need and value of Christian
ity would be of enormous service in the promotion
of Christian unity.
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1914-06-15
DOMESTICTTY AND THE VOTE
Women's Clubs, Mems Clubs and the
Family.
To the Editor of The Tribune.

To tho Editor of The Tribune.
Sir: VIII some anti-sulfraglsts please
inform me upon what established facts
the ants base their claims TO superior
domesticty and to respect for men? II
seems TO me merely popular supersti-
ton Can any one produce reliable evil
dence from localities where women vote
that the enfranchised woman is less do
mestic than the unenfranchised wopan2
There have been constant attacks upon
the womans club as a menace to do
mesticity. but is not the mans club the
real menace 10 domesticlty? Mems clubs
stand for self-indulgence, womens clubs
for acknowledgment. Women's clubs
frequently give lectures on home ques-
tions DO any of the mems clubs have
lectures on how TO become good hus-
bands and fathers? From the stand
point OF domesticity. how does the Union
League compare With the Mems League
for Equal Suffrage?
In what way Is IL indicative OF respect