davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1914-08-13
Quite Simple.

'Nr Yaleblue, l want to ask you a
question: remarked the Wellesley
maiden to her partner as they entered
the conservatory.
"A thousand if you like" replied the
gallant collegian
What is a kiss?"
The young man was taken aback,
but quickly pulled himself together,
and firmly said: This is"
Sir" replied the indignant seeker
after higher culture, you misunder-
stand me. The interrogation I put to
you was a mathematical problem
which I thought might interest a stu
cent from Yale college"
1T does, it does" said the junior, as
he twirled his light mustache, but if
it's a cOnundrum l give it up
The maidens eyes sparkled, and
there was music in her voice as she
threw out the answer: Why, it's
nothing divided by two"
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1914-08-13
he FOubIe.

DR.. Anna Howard Shaw, the we'll
known suffragist, recently refused to
marry young woman who wanted the
phrase ito obey" used in her wedding
ceremony. Doctor Shaw believes that
the VOW to obey, made by the modern
woman of culture and action, is both
impossible and degrading
But don't think" said Doctor Shaw
the other day in Philadelphia-"do t
think I'm cynic as regards marriage.
Oh, no! If you're looking for cynics,
go to the other camp, the camp of the
ants and reactionaries.
Il heard an anti say the other day:
" The trouble with marriage is that
woman believes all a man SAYS to
her before the wedding, and nothing
he says after it.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1914-08-13
Saulnn Els Eeelinns-

When you begin to comment On the
physical characteristics of a mans
children, and yet desire to say some
thing particularly effective, you some
times have to resort to figures of
speech. This is particularly true when
you intend to express an idea that may
hurt your friends feelings
For example, friend dropped in to
see a western farmer who was famous
for seven reasons. One was the horri
bic, garish red of his hair. The other
SIX consisted of the hideous, garish red
of the hair of his six children
Sam" said the visitor, you'll never
have to worry about your children go
ing hungry. Set EN- up on a fence
any day, and a woodpecker will feed
them. Unpopular Magazine.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1914-08-13
Not TO Be EnYIed.

''Dobbs has charming home, q pref
t. wife, smart baby and motor car.
What more does he want"
You can't always tell whether e
man is happy or not by outward ap-
pearances. Dobbs' home is heavily
mortgaged, his wife has an artistic
temperament, his baby is monopolized
by his wife's relatives, and his motoS
car is last years model"
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1914-08-13
Bio Islands.

TIE four largest islands on the
globe Oeaving Australia out of the
reckoning, as an island continent"
rather than an island in the ordinary
sense of the word) are: New Guinea,
323, 900 square miles; Borneo, %, 900;
Madagascar, 227,000, and Sumatra,
10000. There are no other islands
that even approximate the Big Four, :"
Great Britain, the next largest, having
only $4,000 square miles.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1914-08-13
NeedfuI,

The shades of night were falling fast
when through an Alpine village passed
youth who bore mid snow and ice
banner with this strange device;
Safety frst!"
The maiden didn't ask him to stay.
Instead of that she laughed sardon-
ically.
You've sure got 'em all backed off
the boardsi" she exclaimed, with pal
pable irony.
Moral-A certain amount of rushing
in where angels fear to tread seems
to be needful, if business is to keep
bTisk.-Puck.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1914-08-13

fortune of Homburg was
made. as we'll as that OF
the Messrs. Blanc.
One of the brothers died
and the other increased
the family fortune tenfold
when he made a success
of Monte Carlo, which has
become the "Refugium pee
catorum" of roulette, ban
ished as it has been from
all other parts of Europe.
M. Camille Blanc gave
his daughter in marriage
to Prince ROLAND Bona
parte, with a substantial
dowry, and his granddaugh-
ter is married to H. R. II.
Prince George of Greece, a
cousin to the king of Eng
land. 1t is impossible to
saw " b at M. Camille
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1914-08-13

"Vindication Of the Rights Of Wo-
men,"
What a gross idea Of modesty had
the writer Of the following remark:
The lady who asked the question
whether women may be instructed in
the modern system of botany, consis-
tently with female delicacy, was &C.
cused of ridiculous prudery; neverthe-
less, il she had proposed the question
to me I should certainly have an
swered-they cannot Thus is the fair
book OF knowledge to be shut with an
everlasting seal! On reading similar
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1914-08-13
HAD THEM ALL "BUFFALOED"
Editors Warning, Since They Couldn't
Understand It, Scared the Entire
NeIghborhood.

On the gate Of the garden belonging
to the editor of a well-known Eng
Iish horticultural paper there is affixed
this notice: Beware Of the Lyeopo-
dunn"
This big metal notice was placed
there in order to frighten away flower
thieves. It was SO successful that it
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1914-08-13

deferred everybody, and the trades
people refused point-blank to risk
their lives; they would sooner lose
custom.
Various guesses were hazarded as
to the identity Of tbs 'Lyco," as it is
called in the ne1ghbCrhood. Some de-
clared it to be a wolf, snake Ike a
boa constructor, sort OF hyena, q
singing toad, an Abyssinian lion, a
JagUar, a savage vuItu-e, a mandril,
and a blood-sucking vampire.
1t became necessary to inform the
tradespeople that it was kept confined
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1914-08-13
PROOF OF WORLDS ADVANCE
From the Day of Mary WoIIstonecraft
TO That of Helen Keller Is
Long Jump.

Occasionally glimpse Of the past
throws fresh light on the present. In
1892 Mary Wollstonecraft made her
classic plea that women should be
treated as human beings. One feature
of the attitude of that day is wildly
brought out in this paragraph from her
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1914-08-13
EXPLAINED AZ [ asst

Bix-I wonder why a woman never
throws straight Do you suppose it is
due to some fault in the construction
of her arms?
Dix-Not at all! It is due to the fact
that woman never throws things un-
til she is so mad she cannot see
straight.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1914-08-13

during the day and was only roaming
about at night. One day man called
with load Of manure for the edito-
rial garden, and he was very "nervy"
about the notice
Although he was treasured, he
looked about apprehensively all the
time When he had brought in his
last bad and was bending down, the
editorial cat, a large Persian, play
fully leaped on his back, and, shrek
ing horribly, the man fed-likewise
the cat.
AS matter Of fact, Iycopodium is
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1914-08-13
Lawn Precautions,

Landscape gardeners Of the depart
ment of agriculture declare that lawn
mowers should be set So high that the
grass will not be cropped close. They
declare raking or sweeping disturbs
the soil and that If the clipped grass
remains where it drops It will form
protection to the roots and keep the
lawn in good condition during dry
weather.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1914-08-13

passages 1 have reverentially lifted up
my eyes and heart to him who Hveth
forever and ever and said: oh, my
father, hast thou, By the very constitu-
ton of her nature forbid thy child to
seek thee in the fair forms of truth?
And can her soul be sullied by the
knowledge that awfully calls her to
thee?"
Consider the change from the day
when Mary WoIlstonecraft pleaded for
the right of women to study botany, TO
Helen Keller's article urging the dis
semination Of knowledge On prevent
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1914-08-13

woranhood until I
had taken Lydia q.
Pinkham's Vegeta-
ole Com poun d. 1
would have pains if
II overwork ed or
lifted an Y hin g
heavy, and I would
be so weak and ner-
vous and in so much
misery that | would
be Frustrated. A
friend %olJ 49,, v-Io&
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1914-08-13
Tons of Roots and Herbs

are used annually in the manufacture
of Lydia z. Pinkham's Vegetable Gem
pound, which is known from ocean to
ocean as the standard remedy for
female ills.
For forty years this famous root and
herb medicine has been pre-eminently
successful in controlling the diseases of
women. Merit alone could have stood
this test of time.
IF you have the slightest doubt
that Lydia Il. Pinkham'S Vegeta-
bic COmpOundwill help you, write
to Lydia E.Pinkham MedicineCO.
confidential Lynn, Mass. for adj
vice. Your letter viii be opened,
read and answered by a woman,
and held in strict confidence.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1914-08-13
EASY TO FIND.

And did you ever seek the MANI" we asked
the Office
Once or twice" replied the Office. "But I
found him waiting outside my door."-Cincinnati
Enquirer.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1914-08-13
SOME DUDE,

Silas-What dude Billy Buncom has become
since he clerks In that city store
= Jonas-Yes, indeed; he wears a billed shirt and
an adanoid collar
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1914-08-13
OVERHEARD.

'Your wife is a Daughter of the Revolution?"
Eyes"
so is mine. Let's organize the Sons-fn-La7
of the Revolution"
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1914-08-13

your medicine had done for her and [
tried it. Itmade me strong and healthy
and our home is now happy with baby
boy. ] am very glad that took Lydia
E. Pinkham's Vegetable Compound and
do all | can to recommend it Mrs. A.
B. BosCAMP, 504 E. Howard Street,
Creston, Iowa.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1914-08-13
Women In SILK Culture

Napa county. Cal, has a woman's
silk culture society, and it is est
mated that more than FIVE million
silkworms will be raised next year,
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1914-08-13
THE lde a!

Would you forgive me if I kissed
your"
How can l tell beforehand" Pr
Judge.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1914-08-13
a

People wish newly married couple
happiness. but theY don't EXPECT it.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1914-08-13

Occasionally man loses his job
because he doesn't know enough--or
else because he knows too much
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1914-08-13
Safest MsV-

Jack-DarIing, how would you ad-
wise me to ask your father for your
hand?
Retty-By telephone.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1914-08-13

Unless a man is willing to admit
his ignorance, he will never be in a
position to learn.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1914-08-13

And many a married man is known
as a good fellow by all his acGuaint-
ances except his wife.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1914-08-13
A QUEER SIDE.

Mrs. Hibrow-What lovely suit Of hair Mrs
Rawley has. I wonder how she dresses it.
Mrs. Parvenu-I understand she has committed
herpicide
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1914-08-13

After a man has turned down two
or three opportunities they begin to
dodge him.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1914-08-13

the name Of tiny moss that grows
on the rockery near the garden gate.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1914-08-13

Some are born rich, some acquire
riches and some get into politics and
thrust riches upon themselves
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1914-08-13

able blindness of babiesi-Kansas City
Star
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1914-08-13

When a wtdower begins to tell his
troubles to a widow, she knows.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1914-08-13

A spinster has no love for a widow
who has had three husbands.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1914-08-13

Marriage isn't necessarily a failure.
One always has a fighting chance
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1914-08-13
Mfuhfy Slow Paw

Staylate-I always pay as so.
Miss Weereigh (yawning) - Your
creditors have my sympathy.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1914-08-13

Finds Health in Lydia E.
Pinkham's Vegetable
Compound.

Creston, Iowa 81 suffered with f.
male troubles from the time | came into
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1914-08-13

M6nL, ISSUED after
the recent annual general meeting
of the "Societe des Bains de Mer
de Monaco" or Monaco Sea
Baths company" showed that the
net profits for the working year
1894 amounted to S4,096, 729.5G,
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1914-08-13
DAISY KILLER

e. caIa Farm lands in clover belt of Minnesota.
r vi t9akS Large or small tracts Prices low, terms
reasonable; why reut Vs. H. Qus Thief River Fas MINI
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1914-10-18
BIRTHDAY PARTY" IS
GIVEN TO DR.. WILEY
Former instructor, Pupil, and
Co Workers Congratulate
Him on Anniversary.

Congratulations today poured in on
Dr. Harvey w. Wiley, pure food advo-
cate, whose natal day was seventy years
ago today. Many friends of the we'll
known Washingtonian paid their re-
spects to him in his home in Ashmead
place northwest. ~
A birthday party was held at the
Wiley home last night, when dinner
guests included Prof. Charles e Mon
roe, who was one Of DR.. Wiley's in
structors at Harvard; Prof. Frank w.
Clark. DR.. W. D. Bigelow, for years
associated with Dr.. Wiley in the Blu
reau of Chemistry: DR.. 6. l. Spencer,
who was student under DR.. Wiley,
when the latter taught at Purdue Uni
versity forty years ago. and who Is now
one Of the best-known sugar engineers;
DR.. Haywood, Of the Bureau of Chemis-
try; James ]. SHIRLEY, of the Depart
ment Of Agriculture: John Joy Edison,
Frank G. Carpenter, both friends of
more than forty years; DR.. Joseph p.
Remington, Of Philadelphia, and DR..
John Uri Lloyd. Of Cincinnati.
The National Mouth Hygiene Asso-
citation. Of which DR.. Wiley Is the newly
elected president, will honor him tomor-
row night at the University Club. He
will be installed in office at the meeting.
Former President Taft. who Is to at
tend a dinner at the club tomorrow
night, has been invited to spend a short
time with DR.. Wiley and others at the
meeting. .-.--
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1914-10-18
LiOness and Her Guard
Are Strangely Missing

st. LOUIS. Oct. 1s-Gone. one lioness
and one Wells Fargo Express messeng-
'er. Officials of the st. Louis Geological
Society and of the express company
have been busy all day seeking trace
of the pair. They disappeared some
where between New York and this city.
Up to today no trace of them has been
found.
we.e last seen by the conductor of the
train, when the messenger took his
two-year-old charge out for an airing in
little town in Indiana. kilograms
along the line have failed to reveal any
trace of the clippers.
The animal, recent gift to the Zoo
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1914-10-18
NEW GOLDEABERG,S
OPENS TOMORROW
-~-~-ssSs
aFsss=--sz~
sss-n--a-s,a.slls
Souvenir Week Ito signaIize
Completion of Big Five Story
-~-Aszssss~ -saS
Annex. % 80 80 ~

The new GoldenbeFgs occupying
nearly two and one7half acres of floor
space. with y entrances, on Seventh.
E'ghth. X and I streets, will this week
Welcome its thousands ,of patrons and
riends at, the formal opening of the
new five-story Sddition on the north.
On the first floor on the Seventh
street side, Shoes, idressmakers' find
ings, hosiery and underwear, gloves,
leather goods and jewelry. ribbons.
iaces. and embroideries, toilet articles
and a greatly enlarged stock of high
grade neckwear are shown. On the -ex-
IRENE north in thesnew building, is the
mems furnishing department., which,
while a part of the large department
store. is SO situated that It is distinct
store in itself. .. ,-.--
Daylight Store Provided.
In the X street annex, household and
art linens are shown. The Eighth street
tide is known as the daylight store"
so called for the reason that natural
light prevails at ali hours, insuring
-orrectness in the matching of silks.
low delicate the shade
Handsomely finished lin mahogany,
the upper portions of Goldenberg's vie
18th the ground floor In elegance Fea-
tured on the second floor is the large
rest room overlooking K street, in con-
rection with which is a retiring room
With matron in charge. Twelve
modernly equipped fitting rooms. are
conveniently located In the K street
mex. In the women.s ready-to-wear
department, the surplus stock in suits
nd coats .is~ kept in large, Gglass-par-
titioned mahogany cases, end in another
took room. especially CONSTRUCTED in ma
ogany and ground glass, absolutely
!ustproof. silk costumes and handsome
owns are kept. The millinery salon,
18th its multitude. OF mirrors and
umerous floor stands in the untrimmed-
nd childrenss millinery departments
re attractive parts of the second
DOR. On the extreme Sohth. the purity
cafe has been provided. .,,,.,. ..,....
Everything for Children, :
The enlarged Juvenile department on
he third floor will impress the young
ter with the idea that Goldenberg's is
specially devoted to children.
The mems clothing department on the
rurth floor Of the new building will
rove a revelation to the male patrons
trunks, suitcases, and accessories are
ound on this floor. as well as floor
overings. lace curtains, upholsterings,
! ONE furnishings. etc. .,.-s....,.
The fifth floor accommodates the mil
l.nery work rooms, including much
snace for the designers; the alteration
rooms for the cloak and suit depart
ments and for mems clothing. This
part of the huge structure was built
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1914-10-18
Announce Practice Dates
For Atlantic Fleet

The Navy Department has announced
that division practice for the Atlantic
fleet will be held between November ]
and 15 Already several OF the battle
ships have held gun and torpedo prac-
tice off the Virginia Capes. Others now
On duty In Mexican and West Indian
waters will be relieved by other boats
later and come north for this work.
Orders for general mobilization of the
feet. except such fighting units as will
be kept in Mexico or are In their home
yards for repairs, will be issued within
few days.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1914-10-18

moved to the third floor. taking the
rooms now occupied by the financial
clerk and the press room, The report
ers will be given the corresponding room
on the fourth floor, while the financial
clerk will be removed to the main
office now occupied by the assistant cor
poration counsel.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1914-10-18
Police Court Offices
Viii Be Rearranged

An entire Encouragement of office
space in the Police Court building is
to be made within the next few days
with a view to providing additional
room for the clerks of the court and
centralizing the activities on the same
floor.
To accomplish this the office of the
assistant CORPORATION counsel is to be
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1914-10-18
A4, 566, 900 Reserves
In Banks of New York

NEW YORK. Oct 1s-The weeks
actual bank statement of the New York
banks showed the following changes:
Deficit. decreased, S6,S57,209; loans,
decreased, N,423,000 specie, increased,
$4,6iS.000; legal tender. increased, ST.
al 900. net deposits, decreased, s3,792,-
600: circulation, increased. se,0ss. 900:
aggregate cash reserve (totaD, $780,
66c, 0G0.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1914-10-18

expressly. and it provides ideal work
Ing conditions.
Goldengerg's basement is not known
as bargain basement" as the firm S
policy is to have bargains in every
department Howevi-, the increases
basement room has provided for great
ly increased stocks, and all the needs
Of the household are supplied therein.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1914-10-18
Gen. Uribe-Uribe Dead.

GOGOTA, Colombia, Oct 1S.-Gen.
Rafael Tribe Tribe. member of the Co
lombian senate and chief of the liberal
party, who was attacked by two arti-
sans Thursday afternoon while on his
way to the senate, Is dead. Wounds
upon his head and neck inflicted with
an AK proved fatal.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1914-10-18
ToLecture on War.

Thomas f.. Will, executive secretary
of the District Suffrage League, VIII
deliver lecture on the European war
headouarters
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1914-10-18
Camden Company Gets
Contract for BattleShip

Secretary of the Navy Daniels yes
terday awarded the, contract for a
battleship to the New York Ship Build
ing Company, of Camden. n. j., at ST.
250.0 00 and another to the Newport
News Shipbuilding Company, at ST.
$4,000.
The day book. [volume] (Chicago, Ill.) 1911-1917, 1914-11-27
PROTECTING PROPERTY

Editor Day Book -. Professor"
Taft is about as dense, it seems, as
amiable; for Notwithstanding his ex-
periences of a few years ago, when
he accumulated the grand total of
four electoral votes in his race for
the presidency, he is still blind. -
Our constitutions protect life and
liberty of individuals, as well as prop
erty, and our government is as much
obliged to safeguard the one as the
other. Yet here is professor of law
who is able to read only that part of
our constitution which says that
property is within its protection.
Liberty is being stamped out among
the millions of workers by an over
Whelming industrial machine whose