davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-08-09

Elephants hind legs. It was funny indeedl And even the Laughing Hyena seemed to be laughing because he wanted to and not because he had to!
 Presently Pussy Cat. who had been preening herself in a quite proud and naughty and egotistical fashion. be- came bolder
 Hey. you poor old hunk of blubberi" she called out to Elephant "I'm go- ing to give you a chance-just to show you my contempt I'm going straight to the north corner of the enclosure and not get out of it. You can thrash around with that ugly trunk of yours all you want to-and I defy you to catch me! That for you Come on!''
 Tn jiffy Pussy Cat had fled and Old Elephant was numbering always after her. Elephant darted his trunk about and kicked out with his front legs; but Pussy Cat lodged nimbly and quietly. back and forth. with perfect safety.
 Presently-her success had gone to his head and turned it completely- she backed right up in the corner of iit conceitedly about and curled up and Jay down-displaying the utmost con- tempt for Old Elephants swinging trunk. And Pussy Cat moved not so much as single muscle of her body for fear Elephant would hear it. Of course, with his trunk bandaged, Old Elephant could not smell her out.
 But, you see, Pussy Cat was simply bubbling over with conceit. Why, bless you, she was vainer than Peacock even in his vainest days And then a strange thing happened--for the first time in her life Pussy Gator in the life of any other cat, for that matter began to purr! She simply couldn't help giving voice in some way to her satisfaction with herself!
 Purr-purr-p-pu Old Elephant stood stock still and prick ed up his ears. Presently he smiled and then, with sudden lurch, swung about and darted his trunk, straight as the ,"strike" of a snake, right al and on and all over poor Pussy Cat.
 The game was ended---Old Ele- phant had again woni
 And Pussy Cat had lost because oi her vanityl
 From that day to this, Donald. eats have purred--as reminder not to bs so vain and proud of themselves a! Pussy Cat was back in the Grea Jungle!"
 Of course. it was all a dream-bu Donald doesn't think so. And you can change him, either.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-08-09

Donald. They all tell me. you know' that I'm quite a wonderful fellow. Hal Ha! I must have my little Johe' even with myself, you see!"
 And he was a wonderful fellow too. To begin with, he was no bigger than minute-which is larger than a second but not so large as an hour so you now know his size precisely! His head was as round and bald as a billiard ball: and above each ear q funny little horn stuck straight up most impertinently.
 "Well. I certainly am glad to see you, MT. Old Man." said Donald. as soon as he could manage to catch his breath and swallow the lump that had bobbed up in his throat-you know just how it is yourself, don't you. when you are startled by sudden noise right under your nose? "But-but-, added Donald, after moments renec- tion, q don't suppose you can tell me a story 'cept when we're out at the Zoo?"
 q can't? I can't?" exclaimed the Old Man. with a chuckle that shook his little round "tummy" until 1t
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-08-09
were blindfolded so hc

and his eyes were blindfolded so he could not see. The end of his trunk was bandaged tightly so he could not smell. He could hear, however, and 1t was upon this faculty that he had to de- pend to find his victims.
 You may think this strange way of playing Blind Mans Buff: but this is the way the animals played it: There was a large enclosure, fenced in on all four sides by thick, high mud walls, which ran not in a straight line but in zig-zag fashion so that they formed many small corners in which the vari- ous animals might hide.
 All of the contestants and Old Ele- phant were put in the enclosure to- gether and at a signal from me, the game was on and they began scamper- ing about to prevent Old Elephant tagging them. No animal could fight or scratch or do anything but run and jump and dodge.
 A fine prize was offered to the win ner. If Old Elephant was able to eventually touch every animal until none remained in the enclosure, then he was declared the winner. But if. in the specified time. one animal should successfully elude him, then that animal won the prize.
 Now-between you and me, Donald -Old Elephant was very conceited over his ability to play Blind Mans Buff. For many years he had won the prize His scheme was to stick out his trunk and charge blindly about the enclosure, first in one direction |, xl& To you see, that at every charge his huge body was bound to brush up against one or more of the animals that were trying to get out of his way.
 I, of course. was the referee ana the moment any part of him touched an animal, that animal was straight way declared "out" and had to leave the enclosure.
 The game was a rough one, as you can we'll imagine, for often Old Ele- phant would crash slam bang into the wall of the enclosure and mash the animals that happened to be between himself and the wall. Hence, only the large, strong ones, such as the hon' the tiger the horse, the hippopotamus' the kangaroo, the zebra. etc. entered the contest.
 But on this particular year, the whole of the Great Jungle laughed uproariously when Pussy Cat boldly announced that she also was going to compete for the prize.
 ''Ha! Ha! What do you know about that!" roared the Laughing Hyena. Pussy Cats going to enter! Why she'll be mashed flat in a second! Old Elephant will root her out with that trunk of his and then-presto!-o sweep of it and poor old Pussy Cat will go sailing over the wall! laugh lots of times when I'm not really amused and because. suppose, It's my nature to laugh: but. believe me.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-08-09
Why the Cat Purrs -- A Fantasy

bobbed up and down like a dish of gelatin. Why. bless you, l can tell story any place! Indeed, if the truth be told. I popped up beside you for the express purpose of telling you why that little kitty of yours-and every cat, for that matter-purrs. Haven't you often wondered. Donald. why cats purr? Well. listen now, and I will tell you"
 So the Old Man of the Woods crossed his legs. rested his elbow on his knee and his chin in his cupped hand and began:
 Way, way back in the good old days, Donald, the animals gave a great County Fair-oh. yes indeed, they had county fairs in the Great Junglel Now, it happened. the great game of the day was much the same as the one you children now play and call Blind Mans Buff. Old Elephant was "It"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-08-09

But just then 1 happened to remem- Der Pussy Cat. Why. bless my soul I hadn't seen her at all! What was the matter? Had she lost her nerve at the last moment and sneaked quiet ly away2 It was certain that she was nowhere to be seen.
 "Boom-o oom-m-m" rumbled Old Elephant, standing in the center of the enclosure. ''I guess that's all. isn't it, your Majesty?"
 But before I could open my mouth to ask what had become of Pussy Cat, squeaking, sneering voice spoke up from the far corner of the wall. just where it turned at a very sharp angle and then doubled. so to speak on it's own tracks.
 Well. just guess not!" it squeaked triumphantly. "I'm still here Hey. Elephant, you big old boob. come and tag me if you can-I'll give you a run for your money! Come on. you big lopsided mountain of awkward ness!"
 de-boom-boom j! /" roared Old Elephant, lifting high his trunk and flashing and charging about. E Juu you let me catch you, you mis- SA~SAo iiteio HotullS, dnu-anQ III throw you over the moon!"
 But, it seemed, Old Elephant simply couldn't catch her. Pussy Cat raced and darted and jumped like a shadow. Her soft. padded feet skinned over the ground SC quietly that no one could hear her pass.
 Several times Old Elephant chased her into one of the corners of the wall and was triumphantly poking his trunk into an opening-only to find that Pussy Cat had wiggled out at the other end.
 Finally, exhausted and out of breath and scared and battered from his wildscharges against the wall, Old Ele- phant stood feebly in the center of the enclosure and shook his head mournfully. It was truly comicai sight, and the animals almost split their sides laughing. The more so be- cause. the chances were, just at that moment Pussy Cat was probably calm 1y lying upon the ground and languid- 1y stretching within two feet of Old
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-08-09

intellect he is long in self-con- ceit. Although one of the most un- gainly and. seemingly, most useless of birds he imagines himself the Beau Brummel of his race. a thing of beauty and joy forever. He walks with a pronounced swasger. and is a buster ing noisy quarrelsome creature.
 For a long time the navigators who rounded Cape Horn and sailed the Antarctic seas were mystified by sounds which closely resembled the praying of donkeys. Investigation re- vealed that the noise was made by a species of penguin which gathered in flocks on the icy shores. Hence the name jackass penguin was given the bird as much for it's eccentricities as It's peculiar cry. When at sea the jackass penguin has very different cry-deep and solemn notes that break the silence of the Antarctic night and awe the hardest navigators.
 The only really sensible thing the jackass penguin does is to spend most ,of it's time in the water, for 1t is only when he Is on shore to rest or sleep that his ludicrous actions and man. ners are observable. When ashore, and not sleeping. jackass penguins spend much of their time sitting on their abbreviated tails and chattering and praying in mighty chorus. When they waddle about they have the ap- pearance of soldiers on dress parade.
 When sleeping the penguin is rolled up in fiuffy ball. and it is said that one found thus can be kicked about
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-08-09

this time I'm enjoying itl"
 'Is that sol" retorted Pussy Cat. arching her back until the hairs fairly bristled. Well. MT. Smart Alec, after the contest you'll be laughing on the other side of your face-or, for once in your life, you won't be laughing at all Good goods, you know, comes in small packages You just wait and seei'
 Well, Donald, the game began. Old Elephant, as in former years, charged and charged around the enclosure. skipping certain animals with his wild ly flashing trunk and running pell- mell into others. I was very careful to watch every move. After while every animal except the Kangaroo had been declared out" And, a little later. even he touched Old Elephants s flying trunk as he tried to jump over it. It seemed that Old Elephant had again come off victor.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-08-09
R OgJR PUZZLE HH QsODFNED
HIDDEN FOOD PUZZLE.

HIDDEN FOOD PUZZLE. In each of the following sentences an article of food is hidden. 1. Monica kept her promise. g.. I told her to meet me at the crossroads.
 3. The ape astonished us by his actions. 4. Think" said the professor, "of having a man of that calibre address you"
 5. The depot at O. was filled with soldiers.
 G. The mate asked his advice.
 ZIGZAG PUZZLE. The following are words of three let ters each. If written one below an other. their zigzag letters, beginning at the upper left hand corner and ending at the lower left hand corner, will spell the name of an animal. g1 A place where animals are kept 2. Something used for catching nsh.
 8. An open wooden vessel. 4. To mistake.
 s. girls name.
 : ANSWERS.
 HIDDEN FOOD PUZZLE-1. Cake. {. Meat. 3. Peas. 4. Bread 5. Potato. 6. Tea.
 zIGzAG PUZzLE:--zeora.
 err
 Ann
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-08-09
'tLendIt

T wasn't little Jimmie's fault tha,
 he had contracted very bad cold
 in the head. And 1t wasn't his @ fault. exactly. that he had a most violent aversion to using his handker- chief. Why he preferred to "snuffie' and "snufiie' and "sniff1e" was known only to himself--and to many. many other children of similar taste. IL seems.
 Naturally, then, when little Jimmie was riding downtown on the stree, car the other day. he "snuflled" in- stead of reaching in. his pocket for the clean, white handkerchief his Mamma had so carefully placed there with
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-08-09

ELLO! Hello. Donald!" cried a
 A high. squeaky little voice right
 at his elbow
 V And Donald almost jumped out of his skim Why, bless you. here he was right in his own home sitting on the nursery floor playing with Tab by, his patient, cozy. fuzzy little kitten. And never before, you will recall, had >sie queer little Old Man of the Woods appeared anywhere except at the Zoo, when Donald happened to be gazing at the animals in their cages.
 Mercy sakes!" gasped Donald, just as he often heard Nurse exclaim when anything surprised here. My good ness, Mir. Old Man of the Woods. I didn't expect to see you here!'
 Hal Hal" laughed the Old Man. q became tired of always seeing you out at the Zoo, so I thought I'd pop in on you here-just for change. But don't be surprised by anything I do.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-08-09

things Smitty did. And the lad pos sessed a certain perspicacity and bland shrewdness which, by no stretch of the imagination. could possibly have been considered good form among angels.
 For example. as you probably re- call Smitty proved himself the champion snorer of St. Luke's choir on the trip down on the boat--an achieve ment well worth while according to boyhood standards.
 And then, only a few days later, this same gentle-faced, fair-haired Smitty walked off with the running champ
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-08-09

ionship of the choir-without winning a single race, but by annexing sufil- cient second and third places to over top the points scored by the choir's really good runners. The possibilities of all of which. needless to state, that astute young cherub had figured out with pencil and paper before the races began.
 But, the other afternoon, "Smitty' gave a sample of lightning thinking so quick and subtle and sudden that even Billy Bowlegs, the choir master, who was umpiring, had to scratch his head to figure 1t out And when he had done so, he had no alter native but to support the sweetly smiling "Smtty." baby-stare and all
 Every year, you see, the baseball team of St. Luke's choir played a game with the colored walters from the hotel. And the exhibition was al- ways worth going miles to see. De- spite the very great difference in the ages of the contestants, the games were always close: for the choir boys played as hard as they knew how and the walters, aside from hitting the ball, were as much interested in in- terjecting comedy into the game as in winning 1t.
 From past years, you see, they had discovered that the funnier they made their antics on the field the larger was the purse contributed by the spectators and guests of the hotel. But, all the same. the choristers fought for the game as though a real pennant were at stake: and great was their sorrow and chagrin when they lost
 During practice games. "Smitty' had displayed an almost uncanny ability to field the ball. Out around second base he gobbled up grounders and line drives and pop flies with the ease of professional. Indeed Billy
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-08-09

sundry admonitfonS that 1t was useful and not ornamental.
 Snuffie-snuffle--sn -sniffle-went little Jimmie as the car bowled along.
 A prim, severe-looking lady sitting next to him glanced down sharply and gave him an ley stare.
 Snuffie--snuffie-sn Jim- mic again.
 Mercy sakes'' exclaimed the lady. Have you a handkerchief?"
 Snuffie-snuffie-sn little Jimmie again. And then:
 ''Yes, ma'am. but my Mamma told me not to lend 1t to anybody"
 And thereafter little Jimmie snuffisd. sniffied in peace.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-08-09

T.7 HEN keep house while Mammas good be. MI She has o scold bout what we do IVI We don't go peekin into things she dont o Nor litter all the house up through and through Deed will often get the brush the duster and the broom
 And scrub and sweep and dust like was play. And take the chairs like Mamma do and them from the
 And pick up toys and put them safe And then when Mamma again and the tidy place.
 The playthngs gathered up the books shelves She says with such tonshed look ashowing her face.
 'I don't believe you did 1t all yourselves
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-08-09

E& HE boys of St. Luke's choir had E not been long on their vacation VA at Sandy Bay. before they came
 to the conclusion that they were entertaining a peculiar sort of angel in their midst.
 Though he had no wings. "Smitty" John Smith, to use the name his parents gave him--had the face of a eherub, curls. angelic smile and all. and the voice of a seraphim.
 But there, somehow, the likeness ceased. No angel-no matter how pe- culiar-could ever have done the
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-08-09
GEOLOGICAL GROTESQUES
IN OF THE BIRD CIRCUS

without causing 1t to unfold or ap- bearing to awake.
 The wings of the penguin are really featherless fins and not intended for flight. Instead they are used as oars to propel him through the water and
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-08-09

youngster in their midst. have their suspicions. and strong ones. at that!
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-08-09

D HE real joke of the bird family
 is the jackass penguin. Short in
 tail, short in legs and short in D intellect he Is long in self-con-
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-08-09

Of course it was all a dream--but Donald doesn't think so. And you can't change him, either.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1914-06-30
Jayhawker Jots

AS the Pratt Union puts it: And
now the coastwise monopoly will
pay as you enter" and. dear me,
how it hurts.
In most cases, insists the Wilson
County Citizen, man who considers
himself a statesman has only been
staggered by an idea.
1t occurs to the Randall News that
the man Of today who cracks his jokes
at the expense of the 'rube" farmer
is about the only rube left.
The worst part about harvesting,
thinks the jamestown Optimist. is &C
ing back to city grub after boarding
with the Kansas farmers wife.
From the Wilson County Citizen:
Exasperated Telephone Subscriber
(having found six different numbers
busy)-Well, what numbers have you
got?
And Kansas City is many miles away.
''Someway," confesses Editor Kelley. In
his Toronto Republican, this hot
weather brings thirst that ice water
does not quench."
Yes, this has been pretty hot for
June, remarks The Holton Recorder.
but this time last year-we were
three weeks into the drOuth. the corr
stalks were black with bugs, the blue
grass was scared brown and the lawn
wood shed to remain for the balance
Of the summer.
YOU may think these freckles on my
arms are natural" explained a girl nj
a picnic, according to the Toronto Re
publican, but they are not, They will
disappear when cold weather comes"
AS the Oakley Graphic explains it:
If it is said about the other fellow it's
f1attery, II about you it is deserved
compliment.
The kids Of forty years ago had no
cones for their ice cream, no ice
cream to put in 'em, no ice cree m
sodas, no chocolate fudge, no divinity
cream, no roller skates, no coaster
wagons, no bicycles. no league ball,
no store bat, no catcher's mitt. In
stead they amused themselves with
methods which required no cash out
lay-and they had just as good a time
as thd kids of today.-Mankato Ad-
vocate.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1914-06-30

pointed the way to the RELIEF of the peo-
pie at home. For generations our gulf
coast ports were yellow fever ports.
What the army did In Cuba drove yell
low fever from our shores. In the
philippines the inmates Of Binbid prison
were put on parole system. Now
there are prisoners in many states In
the Union Under similar humane treat
ment.
The army is a pioneer in the progress
OF sanitation and nuranitariantsn, ana
il our overseas expeditions have cost
us dear in men and money they have
saved us many more lives and much
more money in the knowledge that we
have gained. For every soldier shot In
foreign service we have saved perhaps
hundred citizens lives at home, and for
every dollar spent abroad the southern
states alone have saved many to match
r.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1914-06-30
Globe Sights
BY THE ATcHIsoN GLOBE.

Nowadays the women are tanned all
over.
Confidence is every candidates
middle name.
An optinist is one who hopes. to
catch enough.
People leplore scandal, and talk it
over a good deal.
You can usually tell a liar, but not
nearly so much as he will tell you.
Apologize to some men and they
will also demand a check for a mill
lion.
Don't make facing crises your life
work; there aren't enough real ones
to keep You busy.
If you don't think that the angry
Individual is enough so, laugh at him
and make your escape.
If your guesses are correct as often
as those If the weather bureau. you
might wager a little on them.
OF long list of hot weather sug-
gestions this one should not be over
looked: Let your wife have her, way.
Experience is a great teacher, and
teaches many a woman that 1t Is
easier to catch a man than to hold
him.
The bore is apt to be sociable cuss
who will even warm up to strangers II
there are no acquaintances around to
poster.
+; Although the female population may
not be increasing SO rapidly, the visi-
BILE supply seems larger. II you don't
get that you will some sunny after
n n.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1914-06-30

What's the plan?'
Aunt Roxy and invented It to-
gether ana it's sure to work. We be-
GIN to test it next Monday"
say till the day came. When he had
come back with the two new ten
quart pals she had sent him for she
said: "Out here ON the Baker road
ABOUT a mile away Ii an abandoned
farm grown up to briars We are gO-
ing out there to pick raspberries.
FOR Aunt Roxy tOsmake jam z!
No. sir. We shall sell them In
town for money to pay our board"
see here, dear, what sort OF q
game Is this?" he asked.
It's game to win. Come along.
We must I'LL our pals and be back
in town by o'clock You say you
are a worker"
As they started back for the village
with full pals she said:
If we can sell to the grocers We
will; il We can't, then we will call
from house to house.
Brian was silent for two or three
minutes and then he began to laugh
SO hard that he had to stop and lean
up against a tree.
DO you catch on?' was asked.
.Oh. my stern old dad!"
Yes, and
'Oh, my naughty mother
Yes. and"
oh. my stuck-up sister,
But it will be a winner
They sold all the berries to one gro
Ger, and promised him a daily supply
twenty quarts at ten cents a quart.
The talk went from house to house.
Father. mother and Miss Grace were
wild about it. but were firm in their
decision not to give in At the end of
the fourth day, however, the father
appeared at Aunt Roxy's and said:
"A young husband who isn't afraid
OF a berry patch and a young wife
with the brains to put up a job like
this ought to be forgiven. Come along
and be introduced to the rest Of the
family"
/ And the rest of the berry crop was
left to the birds.-(Col fright, 1914
by the Mcclure Newspaper Syndt-
cate.l
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1914-06-30
OUR EVANGELICAL ARMY.

1t isan old saying that the church at
home would die II itswere not for the
stimulationsxof foreign missions. says
the Worlds Wor.S. The same kind Of
result from evaAxelical efforts can be
traced In our other activities as well as
ia the church. The evangelical branch
OF our government Is the army.
For generations the population Of the
southern states suffered from hook
worm. The army also found hook
worm In Porto Rico. In curing the
Porto Ricans the medical o6icers