Ottumwa tri-weekly courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1903-1916, 1914-05-28

ber but how does he get to the bot.
tom"'
Well answered Mclaughlin,
that's your question"
Two ladies asked a polite Irishman
which he thought the elder.
Sure" said he, you both look
younger than each other"
!. Old Hand Ito new ticket seller at
state fair)-"Ever been on the wicket
before in crush?"
Nope
Thought not"
why SOP
You give change first and tickets
afterward."
What is the difference
Hundreds of dollars, my boy. No
one ever passes in and forgets his
+, tickets. Magazine of Fun.
| Six year old Dick was preparing,
much against his own sweet WILL to 60
calling with his mother. It was the
first time that Dick had been allowed
to get himself ready alone, and, togeth-
er with boyish disgust at being
obliged to go visiting he felt the i'm
portance of the situation.
After having put on his hat and
coat he suddenly remembered some
thing and called downstairs: Mother,
shall l wash my hands or wear
gloves ?"-Harper's Magazine.
1.-THE Odor Of sanctity.'
+, Mother: Johnny, you said you'd been
! to Sunday school.
| Johnny with a far-away look):
/: Yes. mamma.
Mother: How does it happen that
your hands smell Of fish?
! Johnny: I carried home the Sun
day school magazine, an the outside
page is all about Jonah and the whale,
! -Tit-Bits.
Il saw funny thing yesterday
said our caller.
"All right-tell us about it," We
Z, gave in, resignedly.
"You won't believe it's on the
square, continued our caller
mo, but we'll pretend to. Nothing
is on the square that comes to U.S."
This was. In big show window
there was big mirror. And WON
an went right past 1t without even
glancing In"
i"Uh-huh. A blind woman"
ION the contrary, I never saw such
bright, beautiful eyes. She was re
gular dame, believe me"
| What was the matter with herr"
! Nothing was the matter-ain't
I ~ Ch@
all to the good. The reason she didn't
look into that mirror was because
was ON the other side of the street
and she couldn't keep her eyes of
mel"
He was swept out with the rest o.
the rubbish.
"You say you haven't anything tt
be thankful for?" said the clergyman
to one Of his parishioners. Why, lool
at your neighbor, Hayes; he has just
lost his wife by influenza"
| well" said the parishioner, 'tha
doesn't do me any good; I'm no
Hayes"
J, did anybody ever ask you to ma,
~, Aunt susan?'
4 Yes. d ear" vs. s.f
WAS 1T your Iover2'
"No, dear. It was my father. BAL
tmore Sun.
II say. mamma, how much am
worth?"
"You are worth q million dollars t
me. my son."
well, mamma, could you lend m,
so cents on account"
Tommy-Pop, what do you mean b!
a lucid explanation?
! Tommy's Pop-A lucid explanation
my son, is one that comedies with oul
views.
| Urbus-They ought to get a show
consisting Of the last acts of the vari
| GUS plays in town for the benefit o.
(, your suburbanites who have to leave
! early to catch the last train home.
! Surburbus--I don't think It's any
more needed than show consisting o
the first acts Of the same plays for the
benefit of you city people who have Il
come In late because you won't dine
I early.-Judge.
Pompous Lady-Must l put THU
stamp on myself?
! Postoffice Clerk-Well. you can i
you like, but it's usual to put it on thu
lletter.-Exchange.
oLIVET.
T. J. Wilson of Erland was here OF