El Paso herald. (El Paso, Tex.) 1901-1931, 1914-02-07
~ UNCLE ASFIDOD EM
8 ~ ON 1sERKINs Fas
~ ByRTlis Parker Butler Wc%

6CB TOW DO you pronounce this
here word 'eugenics
= = asked Sim Perkins Of Uncle
Asbdod in a moment of thoughtfulness.
With horror and distress, said IN
Gle Ashdod promptly, and that's the
way | have pronounced 1t ever since
I started In to try for to be the eugenl-
cal husband Of the queen OF larata,,
Seven of her was pock-marked and
SIX Of her was built so she toted IN
and two -,
How many of her was there?
asked 9i,,s S S nm iy. career? Mormon?
Il was king said Uncle Ashdod- and
there was II Of her. assorted sizes and ages,
bunch that I'd have married TOT SIV'oVO- 30
the missionary says to me
What missionary asked sim Perkins
1.-THE one they was just boihn. IN a soup
Kettle for to eat at the feast that was TO
celebrate my becomin' king Of that cannibal
island" said Uncle Ashdod His name was
Rev Jonas p Witherington and he used to
have an aunt at Scituate Mass, but she
died when he was young. so he didn't cared
If he didn't for that didn't have nothing to
7 didn't say # did, did II" asked sim
Perkins in q grieved tone
mo but your just the kind of Teller that
would say it, said Uncle AshdOd. and now,
a chance, I'll tell you what ne said. he pgt
his hand over the edge Of the soup kettle
ana ne says cap n AsluOut may ne Par
boiled, but III say my dyln' words or Dust
Don't misjudge these here ISLANDERS he
says, for they're good and inherent at
heart though apt TO cling TO bad haoit@ You
got to take EN- as they are. and make yhe
best Of en-, he says, and ] for one freely
forgive EN- for bolln' me this way ai2d
hope I give 'em the dOd blamedest indiges-
ton they ever had in their contaminated
lives Just then the cook basted him over
the head with a spoonful Of hot water. and
he sputtered awhile, but come up suIilin-
done my best says he, to prepare the poor
Ignorant heather for better lives on this
earth and I tried to get EN- 10 glTe up
polyganous and more or less multitudinous
marriage but couldn't manage thar before
saws. / done what I could I couldn't drive
out polygamy, but I fetched in eugenics'
and when he said that he dived unde-. and
that was the last Of him"
And about time, accOrdin' to my
ton" said Sim Perkins.
''Well, maybe So" said Uncle AshdOd, but
at the time wished he had stayed up long
enough to tell me what eugenics meant 1t
left me sort Of uncertain and nervous. No
body had ever said that word to me before, !
and dldnt know whether II was new
kind Of breakfast cereal a fancy name
for wearin' more clothes than those natives +
centrally wore If anybody had pushed me
into corner and made me tell what 1 really !
thought a word that sounded like that
meant / would have said it meant standin'
on a rug and swingin' injun clubs for half
an hour before breakfast, and other similar
stunts"
But it don't" said Sim Perkins.
And So" said Uncle Ashdod. without
wasting time on Sim Perkin words. Il
didn't worry none. If it was breakfast :
cereal 1 could eat II, and if it was clothes (
] could wear it. and if it was swingin' injun !
clubs I could do it, what did 1 care 2 So ,
the chief me nof that there Tarata Island F.
made me king"
They'll make anybody kind in them
Islands, said Sim Perkins, if himself. 7
They don't care what they make king.
They'll take a tough old preyaricatOr (
$50 tt7ev made ~. 1-f-,.-,s ,---+t,.-..7 II, \
dodr because I was so handsome and well Z
formed and noble lookin', and I thanked J