The Fargo forum and daily republican. [volume] (Fargo, N.D.) 1894-1957, 1914-04-27
Mark Twain's Unlucky Watch

Sketches Old and New: My beauti-
ful new watch had run eighteen
months without breaking any part of
Its machinery or losing or gaining. l
had come to believe it infallible in
its judgments about the time Of day
and to consider its constitution and
anatomy imperishable. But at last
one night I let it run down. I grieved
about it as if it were a recognized
messenger and forerunner of calamity.
BUT by and by I cheered up and set it
by guess. Next day l stepped into
the chief jewelers. to set it by exact
time and the head OF the establish
ment took it out of my hand and
proceeded to set it for me. Then he
said: she Is four minutes SLOW
regulator a pushing W." L tried
to stop him, tried 10 make him under
| stand tina the watch kept perfect
time. But no; all this human cab
5age could see was the watch was
four minutes slow and the regu-
lator must be pushed up a little; and
SO while 1 danced around him IN an
guish and imploreG him to leave the
watch alone. he calmly and cruelty did
the shameful deed.
MY watch began to gain. It gained
faster and faster day by day. Within
the week it sickened to q raging fever
! and it's pulse went up to $50 in the
shade. At the end of q month it
far in the rear and was a fraction
! over thirteen days ahead OF the
almanac. It. was away into Novem-
Der enjoying the snow, Will the
Octoer leaves were still turning. 1t
hurried to h0use rent, bills payable
and such things in such =. ruinous
way that I could not abide it. took
1t to the matchmaker to be regulated.
He asked me if it had ever been re-
paired. I said no. that it had never
needed any repairing. He looked a
look Of vicious happiness and eagerly
pried the watch open and n put
a small dice box in his eye and peered
into the machinery. He said it want
ed c!eoning and oiling besides regu-
lating-cOme in in a week. After be-
ing cleaned and oiled and regulated
my watch slowed down to that de-
gree that it licked like a tolling bell.
I began to be left by trains, l failed
all appointments, I got to missing
dinner, my watch strung u three
days grace to four and let ma go to
protest; I gradually drifted back into
yesterday, then day before, last week
and by and by the comprehension
came upon me that all solitary and
alone I was lingering along in week
; before last and the world was out OF
sight. I seemed to detect q ~sneaking
fellow feeling for the mummy In the
museum AND 8. desire to swap news
with him. ! Went to a matchmaker
again. He took the watch. all tc
pieces while I waited and then said
the barrel Was sWelled-he could re-
duce it in three days. After this 1t
averaged we'll, but nothing more. For
half a day it would go like the very
mischief and keep up such a sneezing
and snorting and .whooping and bark
ing and wheeling that I could not hear
myself think for the disturbance and
as long as that held out there wasn't
a. watch in the land that. stood a
chance with it. But the rest Of the
day it would keep or slowing down
and fooling along until all the clocks
1t had left behind caught up again.
So at last it would -trot up to the
judges stand all right and just in
time. 1t would show a fair and square
average, and no. man could say it had
done more or less than its duty. But
a correct average is only a mild Virtue
in 3, watchaand ] took it to another
matchmaker. He said the kingbolt
was broken. / said I was glad. 1t was
nothing more serious, To tell the
kingbolt was, but I didn't want to ap-
pear ignorant before a stranger. He
repaired the kingbolt. but what the
watch gained in one way it lost in
another. It would ruin awhile and stop
awhile. using its w discretion about
the intervals. And every time 1t went
off it kicked back like a musket. !
padded my breast for ia few days, but
finally took the watch to another