davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Imperial Valley press., 1914-04-01

league was a joke. They laughed. But
after a while they didn't laugh so
much or so gleefully. Something
seemed amiss. The joke wasn't turn
ing out as funny as some jokes ought
to. And the first thing organized base
ball knew was that the constant heck
ling of the Feds had given it rath-
err sickish feeling amidships.
The Federal league no longer is a
joke as far as the organized people
are concerned. They'd still like to
laugh, but they can't. The joke has
gone too far. Who can laugh when
is really on. yourself? 1t makes a
fellow feel rather foolish, quite EN-
barrassed and not one bit like laugh
ing.
Some months back-November l.
to be exact-we declared that if the
Federals had big enough bankroll
back of them and got the right kind
of leader, they would make organized
baseball sit up and take large
amount of notice. At that time the
idea was generally pooh-poohed, "quitc
ridiculous and silly" declared many
But it wasn't, as present day events
show.
And so, encouraged, and despite the
fact that this happens to be April
Fools Day, we venture another predic-
ton. And that is that before this
time in 1915, the Federal league will
be part and parcel of organized base
ball. And they'll join, not because they
asked to get in, but because organized
baseball sent the man urgent invita-
tion.
AS previously explained, baseball
warfare isn't very healthy for the
magnate's pocketbook. Warfare aids
no one but the player. 1t fattens his
bank account quite considerably, but
drains that of the magnate. And the
drain idea isn't exactly pleasing to
the magnate. t
, Right now we believe there are at
least eight of the 16 organized base
ball magnates who would vote to take
the Federals without being coaxed too
Imperial Valley press., 1914-04-01
Another Cabinet "Chalktalker"

Washington, April Its getting
so that being a chautalker and cabinet
member isn't worthy of more than
passing note. Here comes another
cabinetter who wishes to do "the two
a day." His names is William Rauchop
Wilson, and he holds the labor port
folio in the Wilson cabinet. The Penn
sylvania chautauqua circuit today an
nounced that Secretary Wilson ami
Clifford Pinchot will be. attractions on
the April and May circuit-to say
nothing about the Alpine yodelers,
Romania, the prince of jugglers: and
Imperial Valley press., 1914-04-01
Polo Champions Start Practice

NUnited PreSS Day SerVice)
New York, April Real work of
candidates for the team which will
defend the international cup against
the invading British polo cracks
started today at the Georgian court
fields at Lakewood. Captain James M.
(Monte) Waterbury, associated with
international polo as a player since
the American four was defeated bS
England in 1902, was in charge of the
candidates today. Monte Waterbury
was member of the American big
four which defeated England for the
worlds championship and the interna
tional cup in 1909. Larry Fitzpatrick
who has prepared the ponies of the
American four since 1909 again this
year is in charge of that important
task.
Imperial Valley press., 1914-04-01
SCOUT DOYLE OPENS
BASEBALL SCHOOL
Omitted Press Day Service)

tUnlted Press Day SerVlce)
Portsmouth, O., April IA free
baseball school was opened here to-
day by "Scout" Billy Doyle of the
Cleveland Maps. Any youngster with
semi-pro or college experience who
is anxious. to get up in the baseball
world, will be taken as pupil. "It's 81
business proposition" said Doyle. "I'm
tutoring the youngsters and then plac-
ing them with some minor league
club" Doyle plans to keep a string on
all such youngsters for the Cleveland
club. 1t is the Maps who will profit in
the long run and incidentally Doyle
will get credit and cash for producing
likely looking youngsters.
Imperial Valley press., 1914-04-01
Frank Menke's
Sporting Letter

New York, April 1.-THE Federal
league is a joke-oh, such a funny,
laughable joke-on organized baseball.
"A Joke" declares the Standard
{ dictionary, "is something said or done
for the purpose Of creating laugh,
often at the expense of some certain
persons or thing"
Not that we are declaring that the
Federal league was created simply for
the purpose of providing the public
with huge giggle at the expense of
organized baseball; there were some
serious, money making motives be.
hind it. But just the same the Fed
eral league has occasioned the public
a few hearty ha-ha's in the general
direction of the baseball trust.
The funniest part of the joke is
that for a long time the organized
people thought the joke was on the
Feds. And, my, how they did laugh.
All day they guffawed and often they
would wake up during the night to
let loose a crowd of giggles.
=, But theirs. is case very much like
that of the whale. that swallowed Jo-
nah. The whale thought it would be
a good joke on Jonah to engulf him.
And he did. For short period after
Jonah first found lodgment in his tum-
my the whale laughed in glee. 1t was
SUCH joke. But after time the
joke reacted. Jonah began kicking and
scuff1ing around in. !. the whales in
terror, and the first thing the whale
knew was that he had a terrible case
of dyspepsia and Indigestion. The
longer Jonah remained, the worse be-
came the .ailment And so, as the only
means of getting relief, the whale rid
ded himself of Jonah.
The organized people at first
thought the existence of the Federal
Imperial Valley press., 1914-04-01
De Lany's Side.

FL Centre, March 81, 1914-To the
good people of El Centro--Fellow
Citizens: | am told that certain
person in El Centro is asking sigma
lures to his petition for the office of
city marshal and telling the people
that | intend to resign.
This person knows nothing what
ever of my business or plans. I have
served as city marshal since August
16, 1913, and if appointed by the
new board of city trustees | will con
tinue to hold the office.
Respectfully,
H. e. DE LANY.
Imperial Valley press., 1914-04-01

Have you muddy complexion
gassy stomach after eating, indiges
ton, dull headaches, constipation
etc.? Then your liver is dirty ant
drying up. This may mean cirrhosis
or cancer tomorrow if it is not cor
rected. A mere purgative will not d
this. Get a So bottle of "Nim Huldi,
the guaranteed remedy, at the Bal.
bridge Drug Co., next door to post
office. Toilet articles and prescrip
tions a specialty.-Adv. tt
Imperial Valley press., 1914-04-01

If you want to limp, that is your
business, but if you want to get rid
of your corns, bunions, callouses, in
growing nails or any ailment of the
feet, that is my business. Cured alb
solutely without pain by DR.. H. Klug-
man, graduate German chiropodist.
Office Broadway Apartments, Apart
ment 81. Phone 192J.-Adv.
Imperial Valley press., 1914-04-01

Buy cow, buy some chickens, buy
some turkeys, buy some vegetable
seed. Buy Paringa Farm and be
happy and independent. Pier &
Prendergast-Adv 286
Imperial Valley press., 1914-04-01
Are You a Gas ''PrOmOterman?
Omitted Press Day Service)

Washington, April 1.-Are you a
gas "promoterman? If so, you ought
to be taking the civil service exams
today, for Uncle Sam wants some
more folks like you for his navy yard
service.
Imperial Valley press., 1914-04-01
TWO FRISCO POLICE
CAPTAINS RETIRE
UNITED Press Day service)

San Francisco, April 1.-Three Of
San Francisco's best police captains
were retired today by the police CON-
missioner. They are Thomas Duke
Henry Colby and Marcellus o. An
derson. Colby adm Anderson had been
eligible for pensions for several years
Each will receive pension of 500 Il
month.
Imperial Valley press., 1914-04-01
DIR. Moore Here.

DR.. Moore, the eye, ear, nose and
throat specialist of Los Angeles, ar
rived this morning and opened Of
fices at the Castle Ray hotel. Per-
sons wishing to consult him will dc
well to call at once, as he is likely
to have more callers than he can
see the last of the week.-Adv. 284
Imperial Valley press., 1914-04-01
To and From San Diego.

Baggage and freight truck leaves
every Wednesday and Saturday morn
ing from Pioneer. Transfer Co., 1926
Fifth street, Phone Main l. If
Imperial Valley press., 1914-04-01

For a safe investment get one of
those Paringa Farms. Pier & Prem
dergast.-Adv. 286
Imperial Valley press., 1914-04-01
CIRCULATION STATEMENT.

The regular subscription list of the
Imperial Valley Press, to whom pa
pers are sent each day, with 100
copies printed daily for office use
and sale, is as follows:
Ell Centre mail and car
Honolulu star-bulletin. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu, Hawaii]) 1912-2010, 1914-08-08
PROMOTERS CANCEL
WORK ON CARNIVAL

Acting in accordance with reso-
luton submitted by the board of d.
rectors of the Mid-Pacific Carnival
presented and adopted at d meeting
yesterday afternoon, the members of
the committee voted to return to the
various bidders their tenders for
printing the 1916 Carnival posters,
mailing cards, postal cards and stick.
ers. The resolution was based on
action taken by the carnival directors
70 the effect that celebration plans
cease Indefinitely In view Of the pre-.
sent unsettled condition 4 In Europe.
One and all, the promotionisfs ex-
pressed their dismay at the action Of
the carnival directors It was the
concensus Of opinion Of the members
of the committee that now, II ever.
the carnival project should be put
through and not allowed to lag. III
was argued that the travelling public
OF the United States, unable to 60 tol
Europe for the summer, could be in-l
duced to come to Hawaii In larger
numbers than ever before.
III our country does not become in
tOitcu IN tuio WaI tue EIOmOblOu SCOIUsl
mittee fayors going on with the plans
already so well begun stated Chair
man Emil A. Berndt. Caution is !
but with the extremei
probability Of the United States being
drawn into this fight or being direct |
" or indirectly implicated the Promo
ton Committee Is unit in favor of
proceeding. We must have our Car.
nfval
Following the reading OF the reso-i
luton Secretary HI p. Wood was ,au.
Lhorized to communicate with thel
Carnival directors and inform them
that II Is with extreme regret that
The promotionists accede to their re-
quest. and that all efforts win be dis.
continued.
Honolulu star-bulletin. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu, Hawaii]) 1912-2010, 1914-08-08
ARMSTRONG MAKING HARD
FIGHT. SAYS COAST PAPER

An interesting point in internation-
al law viii be raised in the extradition
of William p Armstrong, in Jail In
San Francisco. and wantedFin the Ter
sritory of Hawaii for ENLIGHTENMENT
Smith is accused of confiscating three
$1,000 bonds belonging to Honolulu
lodge, No. 500. LOYAL Order OF Moose,
says the Sacramento (Cal.) Union of
July Is. The bonds were of the Olaa
Sugar Company
Armstrong will fight the requisition
Of the territorial agent of Hawaii, re-
ceiyed by the governor yesterday, al
leging that the constitution of the Uni
ted. States provides only for the ex.
tradition of prisoners between states
and nations, emitting territories. Con-
gross, in recent legislation. has includ-
ed territories lin matters OF extradi-
ton, but Armstrong claims the or.
ganic law VIII prevail
Should such condition prevail Ha-
Honolulu star-bulletin. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu, Hawaii]) 1912-2010, 1914-08-08

A case of kidnapping the first of its
kind to come to light in several years,
may be called to the attention of the
federal authorities. Assistant Dis
trict Attorney J. w. Thompson may
be asked to issue warrant for the
detention of the offending parties. The
clerks and officials in the federal
building are up in arms because
The federal mascot, a timid young
cat, still in her. teens, has been stolen;
kidnapped, it Is believed.
The discovery was made this MORN
ing. Suspicious became aroused when
she did not appear at the usual time
for her breakfast of sardines and
timed milk. A hasty search Of every
nook and Granny of the federal build
ing failed to reveal her whereabouts.
She was not in the stenographer's Of
fee; Marshal Harry Holt confessed.
he had not seen her since yesterday
Honolulu star-bulletin. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu, Hawaii]) 1912-2010, 1914-08-08

A dry cow-hide with a tail, purioin'
ed from under house at Hiio IL
years ago has resulted in the president
Of the United States. the secretary OF
state and the governor of Hawaii be-
ing nut on the defensive. While the
man who demands the return OF his
cow.hide with the tail on IL does not
accuse President Wilson. or Secretary
Bryan or Governor Pinkham OF steal
ing IL, he does take the position that
as this is paternal sort OF govern
ment, these officials slioiild be obliged
to turn up the coWrhide for him, be.
ing at the head Of public affairs.
The cox-hide with the tail was miss
ed one morning just IA years ago
and after thinking II over for a little
more than a decade, the owner de
cfded to call upon the president of the
United States to either return the
hide or pay him damages for its loss.
So he wrote to President Wilson. He
Honolulu star-bulletin. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu, Hawaii]) 1912-2010, 1914-08-08
BAN6MASTER CARvALHO
PERSISTENT IN APPEAL
TO COUNTY FOR FUNDS

Especial star Bulletin cofrespondencel
s HHO, Aug. 7.-Bandmaster Carval-
no betrays a fine and admirable per-
sistence. Though the supervisors
firmly refused his appeals month az
ter month for the old encomium for
the Hilo band, and finally cut on the
music appropriation entirely last
month, the payments to cease after
August 1, the band is still practicing
and the question of its payment IL
again before the board. A petition
signed by at least l89 citizens and
taxpayers" is before the board this
month, asking that the county income
enjoyed by the musicians
be restored to them The petition was
referred to the finance committee.
What the band will get remains to be
seen. -
Honolulu star-bulletin. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu, Hawaii]) 1912-2010, 1914-08-08
STOCK MARKET
MORE ACTIVE
Than in YEARS
Heavy Trading and Steady
Rise Are Features OF Ses-
sion Of This Morning

Stocks are having a tremendous
boom, compared with any time foI
some years past. With total sales OF
2425 shares Olaa went from 4 to 4.50
between boards, but declined to 4121s
en- the board McBryde went from 4
to ; with sales CT S22 shares all In
recess. Oahu had aggregate sales OF
$50 shares, the price going from II
to 1875. Hawaiian Commercial had
next heaviest run with AS shares.
going from % yesterday to 1925 at
close today. Paia gained 80 points,
Pioneer points, and Honokaa 22s
waialua registered gain of Is points
over yesterday and Eva points.
Olaa between boards opened at yes
terday's quotation Of 4. at which 1925
shares were sold. 1t brought Y adj
vance for AS shares and went to $50
fer 315 shares. On the board AS
shares sold at the advance, but on
the board 280 shares sold down u and
Is shares u less. Blocks ranged all
the way from to 325 shares.
McBryde started in recess with an
advance Of u point to $50 for 200
shares, gained u for rs shares and
closed at for $50 shares, blocks
ranging from Z to 100 shares.
Oahu opened steady at IL for 1S5l
shares between boards. gained Y for
$50 shares, the same for 20 and went
to 17.75 for 80 shares. Then on the
board it advanced successfully to 10.
1880 and 1875 for 10, 100 and Is
shares respectively, blocks being from
10 to 100 shares in size.
Waialua went from 20 yesterday to-
80 for Is shares I'm recess. and IS for
30 shares Onomea opened at y point
in sales or 100 shares re-
ported. and gained u point more for
so shares. Hawaiian Commercial in
recess opened with a gain of IL
points in sales of lbs shares at 1914,
gained II for 125 shares more, anoth.
pr Y for 30 shares and went to 301s
Tor Is shares. On the board it open
ed at 80 for 10 shares, gained another
point for 10 and closed at 1914 for
30 shares.
Eva opened in recess at 2OA for 80 |
shares. gained Y for Is shares and
he same for As shares. On the board |
/ went to "a for 5 shares. or 4 points
over yesterday. Paia made jump
If 30 points In Gale Of 10 shares at
rs in recess Honokaa went to for
Is shares on the beard, and Pioneer
o IS Tor Is shares.
Honolulu star-bulletin. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu, Hawaii]) 1912-2010, 1914-08-08
BEET
SUGAR INDUSTRY
To BE HARD HIT
econtlnued from page one,

p. . +
peaceful security may be threatened
at any time. To use the words of the
imperial chancellor: A eonAagratior
over the whole of Europe--a war in
v0IYing many nati0Rs--iS still within
the range of possibility.
These war clouds have materially
influenced the labor market and nav
well give us food for thought with re.
gard to the future of the beet sugar
Industry. %..:.. ~. -.
+ - II at given moment war should
break out, involving central and east.
ern Europe, we must take it for grant
ed that all wage:earners now hoeking
to our fields from Austria and Russia
viii be forcibly kept at home, there
by infieting tremendous injury to
cur sugar beet industry. The question
is, what can we do about it9'
Some time ago this question was
discussed in Berlin and many came to
the conclusion that in case of war. dur
ing the time IL lasted, our sugar in
dustry would stagnate or remain en-
tirely idle.
If such contingency should arise,
If II Is thought that such thing might
happen, then it Is our duty to calmly
picture to ourselves the calamitous
consequences of such an occurrence
and to think out what sort of remedy
TO apply
The vast number OF men and
women that cross and recross annual.
y our frontiers is greater than the mi.
grafton of people we read about in his
DRY, people who came, saw, conquered
and settled down, but here we have
hundreds of thousands who come here
20 work, don't settle down, carry off
'ver 10O,00O,000 marks annually and
nay be never to return.
We may safely estimate that 800.-
100 to S50,00e people, male and female.
ross eur frontiers to find work here.
nd two-thirds come from the cas-,
hat is to say, from Austrial prov.
nces and Russia, and one-third from
'ther states. There are Poles. Italians.
iuthenians, Dutch and Belgians. Ger.
mans from Austria Hungary, Danes.
'Wedes. Norwegians and others.
We have become entirely depend
mt on foreign countries for the supply
i labor on our farms and in indust.
fal centers. Should Russia or Aus
ria require the help OF these people
I any time, and prevent them from
rossing the frontier, or recall them
rom Germany. this would be the
reatest calamity that could befaIl our
entral and east German agricultural
istricts."
Truman G. Palmer, secretary of the
Jnited States beet sugar industry and
noted statistical expert, estimates
hat IN the event Of European war
ne price of sugar might rise to from
Q to 20 cents per pound.
Honolulu star-bulletin. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu, Hawaii]) 1912-2010, 1914-08-08
Lost Cow Hide--And Tail-H
Years Ago; Demands Reparation

explained how the hide was under the
house when he went to bed one night,
and how IL was gone when he got up
next morning. He felt the loss doubly
acute because the hide had tail on
il. .sa4 ~
+ President Wilson is presumed to
have read the letter. In the course
Of time It drifted 20 the state depart.
ment and from there to Governor
Pinkham II is before him now. What
is he going to do about Il?
Quite often letters somewhat sim.
liar reach the governor. Occasion
ally they have been originally address
ed to the president, and then forward
ed to the governor. He has one other
such letter now. It is addressed to
the president, and complains that
there are too many school books re-
CURED here and too many changes in
the books used There is a personal
appeal in the letter to stop this as
serted extra expense. .-.@
Honolulu star-bulletin. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu, Hawaii]) 1912-2010, 1914-08-08
federal WIRELESS MAY ACCEPT
CODE MESSAGES, SAYS DANIELS

The Federal Telegraph Company to.
day issued the following notice:
by special permission of Secretary
Daniels the Federal Telegraph Com
pany is permitted to accept code and
cipher messages to the United States
and Canada. Same are. however, sub
ject to government censorship. Fol-
lowing is Secretary Daniels message:
..Commandant Honolulu instruc-
ted that restrictions as to code ra-
( diagrams apply to radio ,communi- s
cation with ship and shore stations
Honolulu star-bulletin. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu, Hawaii]) 1912-2010, 1914-08-08
KIDNAPPING CASE BROUGHT TO
ATTENTION OF u. S. ATTORNEY

afternoon. Bailiff Sidney Smith
doesn't know where she Is. r..
The mascot was much-loyed pet,
and had grown sleek and fat under the
care of the janitors. Every employee
in the federal building has joined in
the search. and everyone is threaten
ing dire vengeance on the person or
persons If any-who have made away
with the feline. -
Only one light thus far has been
thrown on the mystery, which may
serve to clear it up and insure the
cats safe return. That is, that the
mascot, learning that the court has
suspended business until Monday
morning, has taken advantage of the
opportunity and has gone visiting.
Action, therefore. has been post
pcned until Monday. In the interim,
will be a favorite pastime
around the federal building.
Honolulu star-bulletin. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu, Hawaii]) 1912-2010, 1914-08-08
CHINA CALLSONU, 5. TOAD
NPRESERVING PEACE in EAST
fsnecial cable to the y

tsEa the Nppu Jill
unofficial authentic report received
Chinese eapa 70 the effect that President
seat Of conflict through ensasmnts German Esng
Japanese assessments stationed u Chi
Samuel
nation to render such
the Far East
That to the appeal by the
which further states that
already has forwarded to Washnson o. c. recon-
Chinese Interior and
be reinforced at this critical moment
United
treating especially Persistent Wilson
has proclaimed An,ercais strict neutrality
Honolulu star-bulletin. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu, Hawaii]) 1912-2010, 1914-08-08

il has nov been six months since | took
any meditine at all. / hope my little
note win assist you in helping other wo-
men. now feel perfectly well and in
the best of health. Mrs. AUGUST
w. KoNDNER, 1852 Hollins Street, Bal
timore, Md.
LydiaE. Pinkham's Vegetable Com
pound. made from native roots and
herbs, contains no narcotic or harmful
drugs, and to-day holds the record of
being ne most successful remedy for
female ills we know of, and thousands
of voluntary testimonials on file in the
Pinkhfrn laboratory ut Lynn, Mass.
seem b prove this fact.
Forthirty years It has been the stand
ard remedy for female ills, and has re-
storei the health of thousands Of women
who lave been troubled with such all
ment as displacements, inflammation.
ulcention, tumors, irregularities, etc.
II You want special advice
Wfie to Lydia e. Pinkham Med
icirb CO., (confidential1 Lynn.
Mas. Your letter will be opened.
READ and answered by a woman
anf held In strict confidence.
Honolulu star-bulletin. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu, Hawaii]) 1912-2010, 1914-08-08
ANOTHER RECORD WITH
P0ULSEN WIRELESS

What is said to be another wireless
record was established this morning
by the Poulsen equipment on the
cruiser West Virginia. The cruiser
reported her position to the Federal
Wireless station here at 1880 O'Clock
this morning. Honolulu time, the
vessel being at latitude 1929 north
and longitude 1875 west, 1890 miles
from this port. Smooth seas and clear
weather are reported. This distance
is said to constitute a new wireless
record under the circumstances.
Honolulu star-bulletin. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu, Hawaii]) 1912-2010, 1914-08-08

The members of the board of trus-
tees of the library of Hawaii win meet
in the rooms of the directors of the
Bank of Hawaii. Judd Building, at 1 80
O'Clock next Tuesday afternoon.
Honolulu star-bulletin. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu, Hawaii]) 1912-2010, 1914-08-08

" eg etabie Com
pound did for me.
] suffered dreadful
pains and was very
irregular. ] became
alarmed and sent for
Lydia E. Pinkham 5
V eget ia Bile CON-
pound. / took it reg
ularly until ] was
a cramp or
pain and felt ike
anofhar -noroon al
Honolulu star-bulletin. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu, Hawaii]) 1912-2010, 1914-08-08

hysical Director Glenn Z. jackson
AM Secretary s. w. RobIey or the
boS department are planning to take
a bys' athletic team to Maui the lat.
tei part Of this month for the purpose
of giving exhibitions in games and
gymnastics. Mr. Robley will 20 in
adance to make the necessary ar
fragments, while Mr.. jackson will
tae over the team a few days later