The Washington herald., 1914-03-01

The coroner of this town had three in
/, quests In succession last week. and as q
consequence he got the swellhead apd
imagined himself a bigger man than rae
mayor. He started In to give US orders
as to how we should run things, and
there was a little riot. in which the
coroner lost a quart Of blood and had
his kneecap broken. We are not puffed-
up mayor. but we know our gait. and any
advice from the coroner's office. espe-
cialiy when offered at the muZZle OF u
gun. viii be promptly resented.
About two weeks ago an Eastern man
named French arrived here to invest in
silver mine. He didn't care what sort
of a mine It is so long as he could get
out a prospectus. organize company.
and float his shares on the gullible pub
lie. Some one sold him an acre Of land
on Bill Williams mountain, and Mr..
French went up there to make a map of
il. That was ten days ago. Yesterday,
as he didn't appear. party went In
search of him and found one of his legs.
The rest OF him had been eaten up by
bear. We trust that he died happy,
and we also congratulate the public
whom he would have swindled.
News reached Us yesterday OF the death
Of Joe Rathbone. formerly OF this town.
but living near Florence for the last year.
Joe was a good-hearted man, but he lack
ed judgment. The lack of judgment
brought about his demise. Mounted on a
mule. which could only do ten miles an
hour, he figured on keeping ahead OF
herd OF steers and making at least fif-
teen. As an angel, Joe may have more
senre in his head. We. wish him well in
his new OcCIpatiOn
Editor Nixon. Of the Primrose Ban
ner. came TO town the other day to pull
our editorial nose for saying that his
weekly was a dish-rag and that he was
a jack-rabbit Editor Nixon had two
guns, tomahawk, and a dog. but he was
mistaken in himself. As he stood face
to face with US his sand petered out his
knees knocked together, and he grew
white as snow. We took him by the eat
and led him back to his mule and saw
him into the saddle. and We felt for him
as he rode away with tears in his eyes
II is more in sorrow than in triumph that
We reiterate that Editor Joe Nixon Is 4
jack-Tabbt.
As secretary OF the vigilance commit
tee We can solve what our esteemed con-
temporary calls the mysterious disap-
pearance of a man named Dan Rudder
Mr.. Rudder is headed for Utah. He is on
foot and making an average Of three
miles an hour. and he doesn't look back
when he stops &c rest. He left here be-
cause We assured him that he would hang
II he didn't Our ways wer not his ways
and after a little thinking he decided to
70. There is not the slightest mystery
about the case. He will assuredIy be
hung in Utah before he is four weeks
older, but that is none Of our lookout
Acting under instructions from WASH
ington, We shall close the postoffice at
10 o'clock at night after this, and any
one kicking on the door after that hour
will have to take his chance of what
may happen. Heretofore We have been
routed out at all hours of the night. and
on several occasions have been grossly
insulted by late callers. One kick on
the door after 10 O'Clock will awaken US
Two kicks will turn us out of bed. Three
kicks will cause the gun to be pOked
out Of the window. and the fourth kick.
followed by threats of death II We don't
open the door will start the shooting
II the intruder carrs to have the bull
lets dug out Of him he will find doctor
on the block belo- Ring the bell twice
an. wipe your feet on the mat
Col Dawson, who lives on the Red
Clay road. is a gOod-hearted man. but
a crank. He sent us in for publication
a few days ago bitter attack on Judas
lscariOt We thought Judas had been
pitched into quite enough during the last
Loo years. and therefore refused to pub
lish the COlOners article He at once
st ped his paper and threatened to
shoot us. We rode out to his home yes
terday and had ii out with him That is.
We drove him under cover. fired twenty
six bullets around his ears, and received
his surrender and a new subscription
" . have to do this twice year. out We
do it Checrfully, and should be real sorry
10 hear of the coloneTs death.
We have always been proud of the fine
to be found in this town, and
il pleases us to know that most Of our
citizens maintain their ambition in this (
direction. As test Of the matter. We
put on plug hat the other day and
started down Apache avenue. Before !
We had gone two blocks the hat was cut