South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1914-02-16
STATESMEN
REAL AND NEAR
BY FRED C. KELLY.

BY FRED c. KELLY.
The real name of Senator Ollie
James. of Kentucky is Orlando
James. When he was a little chap, it
was thought that Orlando was too
large and pretentious designation
Tor one so young and cute and he was
playfully dubbed ollie by family and
friends. Unfortunately the name
chung to MIN even after he became
our largest statesman. He would not
much worse off, nominatiyely, if he
were called Roy or Gus. a man the
size of James is really entitled 10 a
name like Charlemangne or Chilper-
ich.
Representative Joseph Byrns, of
Tennessee, owns and operates the hea-
West. bushiest eyebrows in congress
One day a friend of his was twitting
him about the size and splendor Of
these eyebrows and asked him why
he didn't have them barbered.
I'm saving them replied Byrns,
until | can get good offer on them
Some day one of these young after
noon-tea men that you see around
hotels and places, will drop IN and
give me 80 for an eyebrow TO use for
a mustache."
Representative s. d. Tess. OF Ohio,
used TO be a special lecturer for Chi
cago university and went about to va
rious small cities to discuss historical
and other subjects before as many To-
cal highbrows as the town afforded
or as could be rounded up.
Fess is a learned chap, but it quiet
and inoffensive looking and for that
reason often fails of being fully ap-
preciated-at least until after he
starts 10 talk
One day when he was about TO de-
. liver a deep discourse. the chairman
Of the meeting preceded him with
few succinct remarks which included
the following:
What we must TO-" said he 'is
make an effort TO stir up greater in
terest in this course of lectures. II
we could get a larger attendance we
would of course. have more revenue
and then we could obtain vastly better
lecturers
Another time Fess had been deliv-
ering lectures at a teachers institute.
HI had been talking mostly in the
afternoons, but was put on for a spe
cial talk one night. Just before he
was to speak he went out for a little
walk and fe in with a man who had
dark and the man didn't recognize
Tess.
1T seems to me-" said the man.
that they are OVERRIDING this chap
Fess, having him speak twice the same
day. I don't think there is much to
him to start with. Certainly he is
nothing to look at"
Well. you may be right" cor
ceded Tess, land vet ] am somewhat
prejudiced in the mans favor"
Just then they came under an cleo
tric and the other man recognized
Fess. He tried TO stammer an apol-
=. ogy.
mo apology is necessary" laughed
the good-natured Tess, because what
1 you said was absolutely true"
It is almost impossible TO make
Fess mad by attacking his personal
ity Just the other day in the house
debate on the immigration bill, he
and Representative Metz of New York
were on opposite sides. Metz in his
/ remarks, made bold to say:
81 wouldn't give one able-bodied
Z Immigrant for half a dozen baldhead-
/ ed college professors"
But the only effect that had on
Tess was to make him walk out into
the lobby where he could laugh all he
wanted to without disturbing the de-
bate.
Representative w l. Igoe. Of st.
Louis, is one of the few who served
as a ST. Louis alderman back in the
old days who afterward succeeded In
. gaining so important B job as a place
in congress. IgOe is, OF course not the
/ only honest man who was an alder
man before Joe Folk rounded them up
but just the fact of having been an
alderman in those days has been too
] ~ hn OF n
ers.
The most noteworthy thing about
I Igoe. though. is his modesty. AS a
matter of fact he is a man Of parts,
vastly more so than the average, but
when he first came TO congress he was
sreatly impressed with the import
ance of the job and remarked TO an
other member:
well. isn't this just too ridicu-
lous?"
whats ridiculous?" asked the 9TH
er member.
being in congress.
Senator Du Pont of Delaware, has
not only the longest biography in the
). congressional directorq but also the
glOOmieSt looking cOuntenance In the
senate. Even his whiskers have a
funeral hearse- plume-like aspect. one
theory is that the reason he looks SO
gloomy and retrospective Is because
he is trying 20 recall something that
he omitted from his biography
Senator Lawrence Y. Sherman OF
Illinois wears iron-rimmed spectac "a
that run obliqueiy across his face and
give the impression OF having been
picked hHrriedly out OF a basket AT a
weekend sale.
Uncle Ike Stephenson OF Wisconsin,
our wealthieSt senator. reminds one
as he sits IN the senate chamber. OF
a well-to-do farmer who has been
called 10 town for jury service.
Copyright. 1914. by Fred q. Kelly.
All rights reserved.1