The Catholic bulletin. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1911-1995, 1914-07-18
THE BORROWED LOVER

To have an aunt or two is a very
common thing. l know persons who
have four, five, and even six aunts.
But to have an aunt who possesses a
hundred thousand dollars or more is
a somewhat different proposition,
especially when such a dear relative
has arrived at the mature age which
makes it safe to assume that she will
remain an old maid and leave her for
tune to the lawful heirs.
The fuckers who live down there in
the little brick house on Chestnut
street were fortunate enough to have
such an aunt. Mr.. Tucker told every
one, whether they wanted to hear or
not, that Aunt Tabby was worth at
least $250,00O in good United States
money, and that some day, when God
pleased, they were the only heirs. AS
the fuckers had put one child, a girl,
''the whole kit"-as Papa Tucker used
to say, would be hers.
There is no need to state that many
young man sought the hand of Miss
Emily Tucker, but even when the girl
happened to favor one or another,
Mamma Tucker peremptority inter-
posed: mo, my dear. That's no hus-
band for an heiress like you. You
will have to wait till some day a
| prince or lord or a baronet from
Europe turns up and says he cannot
live without you. Won't it be grand
| if some day the now unknown Emily
| Tucker becomes a Princess Tzerbecz-
koy or Mylady of Suggerberry, or
something like that? Think how the
neighbors will envy you. What's that
you say-you don't care? Why, EN-
lily, my dear, but care, |, your loving
mother, who knows more than you
and who longs to see you some day
happy and in rank suited to your
family. Don't you remember, my
DEAR how often told you that one
of my ancestors fought under William
the Conqueror don't pout like
/ that, Emily. You're only child now
and can't realize what it means to
belong to the higher society, but some
day you'll awaken, and then you'll be
thankful to your old mother"
Years passed by, and the presump
tive heiress came to the critical end
of the twenties without having
changed her simple name 1t did not
even please God to take the dear aunt
away, and all the noblemen who hap
pened to be informed of the future
heiress wished first to be assured oil
the hard cash before they began tc
make love.
Finally, Freiherr Won und Zu
Habenichts made his appearance and
seemed determined to marry Emily
before the dear old aunt said goodbye
to this beautiful world.
He sat in the parlor and smoked
Papa fuckers Havanas, and talked in
a snarling voice about his fine family
and their pedigree, which, as he said
reached pretty near back to Adam
and Eve. He had castle on the
Rhine-but did not tell that it had nc
roof, and that the only Inhabitants oil
this castle were some owls and crows
/ he dlSO tflGu W SlfC InC Alupl SS0iOA
that he would not marry for mere
money. Oh, no! He did not care al
all for base mammon. He had high
ideals about wedlock. and would
never, never think of marrying a girl
just because she was rich or had rich
relatives.
Mamma Tucker was very happy
The longings of years seemed about
to be realized; and as the nobleman
after few days of intense love max
ing, proposed to Miss Emily. Mrs
Tucker cried delightedly: 1.-THE dream
of my life has come true. o Mister
Freiherr Won, take her and my mother.
ly blessings, tool"
An hour later she sent the follow.
ing telegram to Aunt Tabby:
Emily engaged. The celebration
of the betrothal will be day after to
morrow. We invite you to come
The happy fuckers"
The next morning an answering
Telegram came from Aunt Tabby. II
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