davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1914-02-05
ARMY INEDEPLORABLE
CONDITION DECLARES
WOOD; GUNS NEEDED
Chief of Staff Says Troops Re-
quire More Artillery and
Ammunition at Once.
He ASKS FOR MORE FUNDS
Commanding Officer Ayers 't Would
Be Slaughter to Send Soldiers
Into Battle So Poorly
Equipped.

Washington. Special.-Explaining Ms
Judgment was not influenced by the
Mexican situation, Major General
Wood, chief of staff of the army, has
advised committees OF congress that II
should appropriate s3.000.00o for field
guns and ammunition for the regular
army, and s3,000,000 for the militia.
IF you sent our troops into war az
they are now. without guns, or ann
munition, 1t would be absolute slaugh-
ter" the. general told the House mill
tary committee. IF called into the
field suddenly, we should have to go
with very small allowance OF am
munition, even for the guns in tho
hands of the troops and we should nave
neither guns nor ammunition enough
for our field artillery forces
General Wood, in a written state-
ment, said:
We have neither guns nor amrnu.
milton sufficient to give any general
commanding an army in the field any
assurance of success if charged by an
army of equal size which is supplied
With it's proper quota OF field artillery.
1t is my belief that no modern war
between first class powers will last for
one year and unless private manu-
facturers are now encouraged to man
ufacture ammunition for our guns
after war is declared they Will not be
In a condition to do SO until after the
war is finished. and the supply of ann
munition during the war will be linn
tied to what the arsenals can turn out
AT present this is about 1000 rounds a
day. running three shifts, and this am
munition under ordinary battle condi-
tons would be fired by eight guns In
v1Nx
supplied ON the battle field with the
ammunition which they can be reason-
ably expected to use. they are not eff
ffclent, and when guns have exhausted
the ammunition supplied they are
worse than junk, for they must be pro-
tected by other troops.
THE war department believes that In
case of war with first class power.
an army of 100000 men will be needed
to give this country any chance of sue
tess against invasion and that this
force will be needed at once. TO make
it efficient, it must be given Its proper
quota of field artillery. To do this.
this artillery must be on hand, for 1t
cannot be supplied after war is
started"
The general suggested that the Uni
ted States mobile army should be
organized into three infantry and two
cavalry divisions with an aggregate
war strength OF about $4,000, requir-
ing 54 batteries or PIG guns.
with the cooperation of the state
governors. the militia" he said, now
could be organized into 10 infantry and
five auxiliary divisions with an aggre-
gate war strength of $4,000 men,
needing liza batteries of 696 guns. The
aggregate of the two forces would be
$4,000 men. or approximately two field
armies short of the force of 100000
men. These two field armies will re-
quire 1853 guns apiece, or 336 guns. The
United States garrison abroad has IS
runs"
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1914-02-05
a DOctof-,s First
Question Is
~4o,v are Your Bo,velsp" A Sim.
pie Remedy fltaf Guaranteks
Good Bowel Action,

Trace the origin Of the commoncr
ills Of life and almost invariably you
will find that constipation was the
cause. 1t is not to be expected that q
mass Of fermented food can remain in
the system beyond its time without VI
tiating the blood and affecting the
nerves and muscles. It congests the
entire body.
The results are colds, fevers, piles,
headaches. and nervousness. with its
accompanying indigestion and sleep
lessness. There is only one thing to
do, and that is to remove the trouble;
and when nature seems unable to do
it, outside aid is necessary. You will
find the best of all outside aids rem
edy that many thousands are now u.s.
ing for this very purpose, called DIR.
Caldwell's Syrup Pepsin. Many hum
dreds of letters are received by DR..
Caldwell telling of the good results
obtained, and among the enthusiastic
letters is one from Lieut. G.. w.
Vaughan, of 623 w. North ST., Decatur,
Ill. He is 72 and has had a bad liver
and stomach since he came out Of the
army. He says he tried about every
thing, but never succeeded in getting
permanent relief until he took DR..
Caldwells Syrup Pepsin. He is never
without bottle in the house, and he
is never without good health.
1t has untold advantages over pills.
salts and the various coarse cathartics
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1914-02-05
Queer Reasons for Pride.

Some weeks ago when the volturno
burned in midocean a few Of the men
rushed the boats and were knocked
down by the captain. What becomes
OF such men in after days? Do they
hide in shame from their fellows, fear
full that they may be recognized and
their infamy proclaimed? Not neces-
sarily. A public librarian was once
visited BY a man who came to him for
a book on notable shipwrecks. He
searched the RACES eagerly, then point
ed out passage referring to sea
man who tried to take woman's place
in lifeboat, and had been shot by the
captain. I'm that man." he declared,
proud that his exploit should appear
in print, and offered to show the shot
wound to support his claim!
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1914-02-05
There's no rest and but little peace
for person whose kidneys are out Of

There's no rest and but little peace
for a person whose kidneys are out OF
order
Lame in the morning. suffering cricks
In the back and sharp stabs OF pain
with every sudden strain. the day is
Just one round Of pain and trouble.
1t would be strange if all-day back
ache did not wear On the temper, but
1t is not only on that account that
people who suffer with weak kidneys
are nervous. cross and irritable.
Uric acid is poison to the nerves,
and when the kidneys are not working
we'll, this acid collects in the blood
and works upon the nerves, causing
headache, dizziness. languor, an in
cllnation to worry over tr.fles. and a
suspicious, short temper.
Rheumatic pain, neuralgia, sciatica,
lumbago, neuritis and gravel are fur
Their steps in uric acid poisoning.
Don't neglect kidney weakness. An
aching back, with unnatural passages
OF tho kidney secretions, is cause
enough to suspect the kidneys. Use
Deans Kidney Pills, remedy which
has been used for years, the world
over, for weak kidneys, backache, ir-
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1914-02-05
LAID UP IN BED
Cauc Up All Hope of Recovery

Mrs. Frank L. Mann. 1000 w. Main ST..
Velinillion, s. OAK, says: when l was
SIX years old had diptheria and it left
my kidneys and bladder very weak. From
that time until / was seventeen years olo.
had kidney weakness, but as l got older
thought would outErow the trouble. I
didn't fswever and as time passed ! got
worse. 7ty feet and limbs were terribly
swollen and | couldn't wear my shoes.
My back was so stiff could hardly bend
over and l was laid up in bed for over
month. lost much weight and in spite
Of the doctors medicine. didn't improve.
Dizzy spells came over me and my sight
was affected. Finally gave up the doc
tors in despair and life certainly looked
blue. didn't think would ever be we'll
again. When everything else had failed.
friend urged me to try Doan's kidney
Pills and did. After | took the first
box. ! noticed Improvement and eradIal-
~ the ailments left me. picked up in
weight and strength and by the time
had used eight boxes of Doan's Kidney
Pills vas cured. have never had any
sign of kidney trouble since
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1914-02-05
ANOTHER COFFEE WRECK
What's the Use When There's an Easy
Way Out7

Along with the coffee habit has
grown the prevalent American Dis
ease"-nervous prostration.
The following letter shows the way
out of the trouble:
Five years ago | was great COT
fee drinker and from its use | be-
came SO nervous could scarcely
sleep at all nights. My condition grew
worse and worse until finally the ply
stefan consulted declared my trou-
bles were due to coffee.
But being SO welded to the bev-
erage did not see how | could do
without it, especially at breakfast,
as that meal seemed incomplete With
out coffee.
ION visit, my friends deprived me
OF coffee to prove that it was harm
full. At the end Of about eight days
was less nervous, but the craving
for coffee was intense, SO went back
to the old habit as soon as got home
and the old sleepless nights came
near making a wreck of me.
Il heard of Postum and decided to
try 1t. did not like it at first, be-
cause. as ! afterwards discovered, it
was not made properly. found, how
ever, that when made after directions
on the package, it was delicious.
1T had soothing effect on my
nerves. and none Of the bad effects
that coffee had. 80 l bade farewell to
coffee and have used only Postum
since. The most wonderful account of
the benefit to be derived from
Postum could not exceed my own ex-
perfence.'
Name given by Postum Co., Battle
Creek, Mich. Write for copy OF "Tbe
Road to Wellville."
Postum now comes in two forms:
Regular Postum-must be well
boiled
instant Postum-is a soluble pow.
der. A teaspoonful dinsolves qsick,y
In cup Of hot water and. with cream
and sugar. makes a, delicious beYer-
age Instantly. Grocers sell 10th kinds.
There's a keason" for Postum.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1914-02-05
HAD NO RIGHT TO Be OUT
Little Jasper Indignant Because His
Product Seemingly Had Dis
obeyed His Orders.

Little Jasper Senter learned from
the minister's sermon one Sunday that
man was made of clay. so after return
Ing from church he resolved to make
him man after his own fashion. The
work proceeded in the clay bank back
Of the garden until his mother called
Jasper to luncheon. He had completed
all Of the man save one leg.
That afternoon Jasper and his moth
err while walking along the street. met
man with one leg, walking with
crutches. Jasper accosted him and
grabbed his coat
See here!" he said 81 thought I
told you to stay there in the yard till
l put that other leg on YOU Judge
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1914-02-05
snairs Real Pace.

"At snail's pace" is common ex-
preston and usually signifies very
slow gnit, but what do you suppose
is the actual speed by snail in trav-
20 cling!
We can give 1t to you in accurate
figures.
One foot In four minutes, or at the
nte Of one mile in 16 days. if travel
ing continuously.
These are figures given by George
zahni1er. civil engineer OF this city
taken from actual observation.
A short time since Mr.. Zahnizer was
standing along the Western New Yori
& Pennsylvania railroad waiting for g
train. He had nothing in particular tt
do and KILLED little time" by timing
snail which was creeping along the
ground.
That snail travelled just exactly one
foot in four minutes, Mr. Zahnize1
says. and computing distance at the
rate Of travel shown Mr. zahnizer has
figured out that 1t would require IL
days for that snail to move a mile.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1914-02-05

and purgatives, for while these do but
temporary good. Syrup Pepsin cures
permanently. The effect of it's action
is to train the stomach and bowel
muscles to do their work naturally
again, and in short time all forms Of
medicine can be dispensed with. 1t
can be bought without inconvenience
at any nearby drug store for fifty
cents and one dollar bottle, the latter
size being regularly bought by those
who already know its value. Results
are always guaranteed or money will
be refunded.
Families wishing to try free sam
pie bottle can obtain it postpaid by ad-
dressing DR.. w. B. Caldwell, 203 Wash
ington ST., Monticello, Ill. A postal
card with your name and address on
1t will do.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1914-02-05
MIME. scHUMANN. HEINK.

Although desertion is the only ground
stated in her action for divorce from
her husband, William Rapp, 1t Is
known that Madame Ernestine Schu-
mann Heink, the famous contralto, has
other reasons for wishing freedom
from her third spouse.
The couple were married eight years
ago. and trouble Immediately arose
over the singers eight children by
former marriages. Nine. Schumann-
Heink regarded her children as all
important, and her husband as Of lit
tile moment. MIR. Rapp did not like
this. The children did not like Mr..
Rapp. He left the household in de-
spair.
T Rapp will not contest the suit. He
is said to be in New York. He is q
lawyer and a man of means. He Is
40 years old, IA years his wifes junior.
His father was editor-in-c chief of the
Chicago Staats-Zeitung when he died
about six years ago.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1914-02-05
Never Too Late.


Rev Madison Peters said of New
Years resolutions the other day in
Brooklyn:
'rd advise every ono with bad
habit whether it's alcohol or profan
ity, gambling or morphinc--to swear
off hopefully.
Some poor fellows, especially
among the alcohol, think it's too late
their lives are luined-no hope is
left.
but, as I always point out to them.
man is never too old to reform,
though frequently he is too young to
realize the truth"
Mistaken Sheer.
ut is cheaper, not dearer, to con-
suit specialist said DR.. Simon
Flexner, head of the Rockefeller In
stitute, at medical dinner.
at is very stupid and erroneous 10
hold tho opinions of Blank, to whom
a friend said.
WAS the doctor who examined
your lungs specialistT
No. don't think SO, Blank
sneered. He couldn't find anything
the matter with EN-"
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1914-02-05
AS He Understood 1t.

A maiden lady, Miss Cocker by
name, and her niece. who bears the
same cognomen, went one evening to
a reception at the house of friend.
What name. please?" inquired the
footman.
Miss Cocker" answered the elder
lady.
Miss Cocker, too" joined the niece,
hurriedly.
Whereupon the man of plush and
buttons opened the drawing-room door
and. with all the dignity of his profess
sion. ushered them into the midst of
the company with the convulsing an
nouncement:
Miss Cocker and Miss. Cockatoo!"
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1914-02-05

IIelIud1 IdUOIt 1lII
we'll and hearty and weigh about
200 pounds. / feel very grateful that
found Dodds Kidney Pills and you
may publish this letter if you wish.
am serving my third term as Probate
Judge of Gray Co. Yours truly,
PHILIP MILLER, Cimarron, Kan.
Correspond with Judge Miller about
this wonderful remedy.
Dodds Kidney Pills, SOC. per box at
your dealer or Dodds Medicine Co.,
Buffalo, N. Y. Write for Household
Hints, also music of National Anthem
(English and German words) and re-
cipes for dainty dishes. All sent free
Adv
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1914-02-05
Weakness.

The sick seaman Evans ruled the
destiny of the Scott Antarctic expedi.
ton. The weakest link in the chain
gives the value to the chain. Civiliza.
ton follows the path of least resist.
ance. The drone or black sheep OF
the family centers the attention Of
the group on him, impairs it's eco.
nomic efficiency; in effect dominates
the household. The enduring charac.
ter of a society is determined not by
its cultured group, but by its sub.
merged tenth"-or fve-tenths.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1914-02-05
The Romance Of india.

From the Indianapolis News.
Cation Woodville, an amusement pur.
veyor in London. prepared a gorgeous
spectacle for production at Earl's court.
This spectacle, play without words. Is
entitled "The Romance Of India" and
contains certain scenes which the gov
eminent holds are likely to cause much
offense to the religious susceptibilities
of the East Indians. 1.-The Spirit of
with flaming sword. not unlike our
own lady on the Monument. is one of
the most objectional Of these jubliant
tableauX. Another scarcely less Of
fensive, represents a gorgeously APP
parelled. swarthy warrior with fer
ociously wicked visage and curved
sword. which may suggest the
massacres of the mutiny. AS the lord
chamberlain has no authority over
wordless plays the India office has In
tervened in this case as censor.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1914-02-05
Probably Not.

Ayoung man timidly approached the
father of the girl of his choice and
asked for her hand in marriage
II am not at all certain. said the
father, that my daughter loves you
sufficiently to warrant me in entrust-
ing her to your keeping"
Well" replied the young man, re-
fectively. perhaps you haven't had
the same advantage for observing
things that have" Harper's
Monthly.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1914-02-05
That Wa, Tho One.

Father was on the warpath wher he
came across Willie in an odd corner Of
the garden. Willie" he demanded.
.have you eaten any of those pears !
left in the cupboard?"
Pa" replied Willie. Il cannot tell q
lie. i have nae touched one"
William, senior. eyed William. Junior
wrathfully '.Then how is It" asked
the parent. that 1 found these three
cores in your bedroom. and there 10
only one pear in the cupboard?"
Father" said Willie, calculating the
distance to the gate, sthat's the oSs !
didn't touch"
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1914-02-05
New Way of Finding Water.

An Arizona observer has found out
how to tell by the mesquite whether
water is near the surface or not. When
the mesquite grows up into tree form
the ground water lies within fifty feet
OF the surface, but il it remains a
shrub prospects for finding water arc
not SO good We are always learning
that every natural phenomenon has
meaning for us, if we can only read
the meaning ind Firegide.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1914-02-05
Jared the Old Boy.

Gladys said something to me the
other night that smacked of innuen-
do" remarked Ferdg to Alsy
What was it. dear boy?"
Advised mo not to stand under the
mistletoe Said one OF the berries
might fan and fracture my skull.
call that unkind; eh, wha.?"
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1914-02-05
Subtle Die.

Wcel. weel' said the bailie to the
assessor. when a youth was brought
up before him for some trifling Of
Tense. "ye ken we mamma be over
hard on the puir fellow We were lad
dies aimee oorsels, and l suppose |
was as big a fule as ony O them when
] was young"
And you're not an old man yet,
bailie,' said the assessor, blandly.-
Youths Companion.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1914-02-05
SAVING the Furniture

q don't know what were going to
DO" said the mother, since you have
given Willie that knife with saw
and a gimlet and iile and lot OF
other things attached to it,
Well" answered the father
thoughtfully, "noybs we'd better
shut up the house for couple OF
months and move into furnished
apartment
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1914-02-05
ECZEMA ON ENTIRE SCALP

r. T. D. No. y. sunfeld, Mich.-"I
was troubled with eczema. 1t began
with a sore on the top of the scalp,
broke out as a pimple and grew larger
until it was large red spot with a
crust or scab over it. This became
larger finally covering the entire scalp
and spread to different parts Of the
body, the limbs and back and il the
ears. These sores grew larger grad
ually until some We're as large as a
quarter OF dollar. They would itch
and il scratched they would bleed and
smart. The clothing would irrltate
them at night when it was being re-
moved causing them to itch and smart
so could not sleep. A watery fluid
would run from them. Ny scalp be-
came covered with g scale and when
the hair was raised up it would raise
this scale; the hair was coming out
terribly
Il treated about six months and got
no relief and after using Cuticura
Soap and Ointment with two applica-
tions we could notice great differ
eace. 1t began to get better right
away. In months time was COM
pletely cured (signed) Mrs. Bertha
Underwood, Jan. 3, 1913.
Cuticura Soap and Ointment rold
throughout the world Sample Of each
free, with 32-p. Skin Book. Address post
card "Cuticura, Dept l.. Boston. ADV.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1914-02-05

my breath was
short and l had
chilIs and back
ache. 1 took the
pills about a year
ago and have had
no return of the
palpitations. Am
now 63 years old.
able to do lots OF
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1914-02-05
peathIess Fame.

az would rather have written the
'Elegy in Country Churchyard than
be as rich as Rockefeller"
"Why?"
How can you ask? The author Of
that poem won deathless fame"
did he? Who was the chap?"
Lets see. His name has escaped
me; but it certainly is great stuff,
all right"
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1914-02-05
He Knew Him weII.

whats the trouble, John?"
Why, sir. here's note from Mr..
Mahlstick, in which he tells me that
he is off on little trip and he wants
me to send his drawing materials
along"
Well. and isn't that plain enough?"
Hardly, sir. don't think, sir, that
you know Mr.. Mahlstick. don't know
whether to send his paints and brushes
or only a corkscrew." Stray Stories.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1914-02-05
That Week Didn't Count.

Isaac (who had just recovered from
typhoid Doctor, you have charged
me for four weeks calls; l viii pay
for only three weeks.
Doctor-But called On you every
day for Jour weeks, MIR. Isaac.
lsaac-Vell, deere vas one week l
was dalirious and didn't see sou
come in.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1914-02-05
Savior Faire.

Hostess lat the party)--,Miss Rob.
ms has no partner for this waltz.
Would you mind dancing with aer In
stead of with me?
The Man-On the contrary, / shall
be DISQUALIFICATION Transcript.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1914-02-05
MOI Leap Near. either.

Ethal--This craze for gold seems to
me very foolish Now, a very Little
would make me happy.
Jack-How much!
Ethel-Just enough to reach around
my fnger.-San Francisco Chronicle.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1914-02-05
Sacrificed,

Ethel-so Kate is finally married.
How did she come TO take the plunge?
Marie-She didn't. She was showed
off by three younger sisters.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1914-02-05
ouernaxnnent.

overpayment..
A certain statesman, condemning
the international marriage that is
based on mercenary and sordid
grounds, said in Washington:
Another pretty American countess
she inherited eight millions from
her fathers Wholesale hardware plant
has found marriage a disappoint-
ment.
"IIer dyed and corseted old husband
said bitterly to her one day:
"'Ours was business marriage.
You bought my title with your mil
lions. as you'd buy yard Of cloth in a
shop.
Yes blazed the young countess.
.yes-but ought to have got some
changed"
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1914-02-05

They stop the ticl,le--Dean's Mentho.
lated Cough Drops stop coughs by stop.
ping the causa-5c at Drug Stores.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1914-02-05
Motor Circles.

DO they move you in circle"
by no means. We have a six-cylin.
der ear. They move in a four-cylin-
der set
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1914-02-05

THE pen is mightier than the
sword" quoted the Wise Guy.
Yes, but the sword never gets fell
low into libel SUITS" added the Simple
Mug
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1914-02-05
JUDGE CURED, HEART TROUBLE.

1 took about 6 boxes Of Dodds Kid.
ney Pills for Heart Trouble from
which had suffered for 5 years. I
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1914-02-05
No Rest No Peace

regular kidney action and uric acid
trouble Thousands of grateful recon-
mcndations throughout the country
prove their worth.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1914-02-05

The road to hell is paved with good
intentions and the pavement makes
smooth riding.