davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-07-14
O C. Doster

ozark, July speciaD---0 O. Dos ter died at his home on Martin stree. of typhoid fever at 1O.4O this morn in g. The funeral arrangements have not been announced.
 After he had been confined to- his room for three or four days he tele- phoned District Court Clerk B. F. Gar- her to meet him at his office He there informed the clerk what he wished lone with papers in his hands which \ helonged to the court, He then burst Into tears and added II shall never be Rbie to go to court again. Ills pre- nlontion came true
 He leaves a wife four da ughters and hree sons O. c ter, Jr, mayor of Ent erpr-ise being one Of them
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-07-14

n EFoRE the dawn of another N day the Barons may be con A~ fronted with a direful situation, Curley Brown, the lone southpaw of the pitching staff, may have suffered a factured rib He will undergo an X-ray examination this smorning. Fri day. while practicing in the outfield during the flu ngohitting, Brown fell upon his chest. While he suf feTed slight pain In his left ribs as the re- suit of the tumble 1t did not give him excessive pain. However. Saturday, when he went to the aid of Hard grove on the slab Curl ey complained that a rib on his left side pained him se- verely.
 While Brown participated in practice yesterday afternoon, he expert fenced the same 1hrob in his left side Ills decision to submit to the A-raS test followed.
 Should Brown be forced to submit to an enforced idleness Of 10 days. 1t would place Birmingham in desper- te situation. With Roth unable to pitch every fourth day the bak ot the twrling would fall on Johnson, Hard grove and Robertson Ii would be utterly impossible to secure the services Of another pitcher of Browns caibre for such a short time It IS doubted if Birmingham could purchase a twirler capable of maintaining a win ming stride at any event.
 Minor ma ladies are incre sing a ong Mo olesworths henchmen. Tex Gov irgton Is beset with a siege of car buncles and boils. The plucl<y first sacRer entered the first game under difficulties. but was forced to retire from the latter setto. Charlie Carroll the most versatile player in the league rep laced burlington at first, while Ed d ie Mel Donald assumed his activities at the third corner Eddie demon strated his value by reaclting first on every trial. due to single, walk and d bobble Of Bisland. who bagged his grourlder-
 Fred Dlger is anot her beset with the bois. Dlger has a boil on his knee. making it extremely uneon1- forta ble to assunne catching posture The big Dutchman had an off day behind the bat. for his new miltt was very inflexible and allowed ma ny of Robert sons spitters 10 bound out of it's confines
 TNb.. 4ao cc ad I.o II rnsan -ra iq h.aa ofs1ifag
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-07-14
Deaths and Funerals
George Griggs Adams

Funeral services over the remains of George Griggs Adams who died in Hen dersonyille, N C.. on Sunday. will be conducted this afternoon at o'clock from his latte resid dsncA 1903 Sixt cent h avenue, south. Interment will follow In Oak Hill cenle tery. The deceased Is sur vived by his wife. da ug hter and a sls- ter
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-07-14
Jim Blour,t Darden

Funeral services oyer the remains of Jim Blount Darden, aged 30 years. who died Sunday at his ;ate residence 51S F iman avenue East Lake will be con- ducted this morning at 10 O'Clock from tf.e residence Intarmsnt will follow in East Lake ceTnetery-
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-07-14

brot hers and sisters, but no one from the ASsociaIed Charities came near the scene on Sunday and I personally paid the expenses of the burial of the dead girl Of course l was aided by Wal lace Johns and the mana cement of Elmwood cemetery who were very kind
 @It looks to me as though the Asso- ciated Charities were SO busy Sunday preparing affidavits that hey had not the time to go to Mill Village and aid the poor, starving Doyle children
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-07-14
0. l.. Richards

Funeral services over the remains of o. l.. Richar rds, who died in New York on asturday, will be conducted this morn- ing at 1o.@ o'clock from the residence or his sis ter Mrs Joh hn w. Sbley, 2lSl Highland avenue Interment will follow in E,lnnWoOd cemetery.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-07-14
RESERVATION OF HUERTA EXPECTED AT ANY MOMENT Brazilian Minister Tele- graphs That the Die tator Soon Will
 Withdraw
Reported Huerta win Leave

Mexico City, July 14.-Provis- ional President Huerta and his family, according to reports prevalent in the capital. are ex- pected to leave for Vera Cruz sometime today and probably will embark on the steamer Es- pagne.
 The Espagne, which plies be- tween Vera Cruz, Havana and several Spanish ports, already ltas number of prominent Hu- erta officials aboard
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-07-14
BARKER IN MACON

H. H. Barker, golf professional at the Roebuck Springs Colt and Automobile club, will return this morning from Ma con wh ere he has been isitng for the uaet several days.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-07-14
Billy Baxt CT Dead

Chicago, July 13-Bily Baxter, an old time min streI, who made several tours of the world and appeared before royalty of Europe, died at a hospital here last nig Int of cirrhos sis of he liver. He will be buried under the au uspices of the Press club to- morrow.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-07-14
Anpointed on Colbert Board

Montgomery,f July )-Dr. w. M. Pearce of Tuscunbia, has been ap- tinted mel.,ber of the board of pen sion exs minere of CoIbcrt county. The ap- pointmsat va made by the governor
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-07-14

ton of learning in the city of Birmin g. ham, which city, owing To its comrner- cial importance as well as its central location, is in our mind the most desir- able situation in the whole south. Be it further resolved, that copies of this esolution be forwa rded to the GhafI- Der of Commerce of Birmingham, to be rsed as that body sees fit in its cam paign,
 "ln the foregoing resolution, not only the Chamb sf Of Conne rec of DOth6n, but our citizens ship generally. concur. Dated at Dothan, this July Il, 19l3- A, D.
 JOHN SANDERS, President
 IN. T. COBB Secret ar-y.'
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-07-14
Mrs. I. M. Whisnant

Cad sd en, July Special )-Mrs. ]. NJ. Whisnant. 30 years old, died last night at Murrycross- The body will be taken to Sylacauga for burial Tues-. day. VI s#
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-07-14
Earl of Ellesmer Dead

London. July 1S.-The Earl of Enesmer died today. aged s7. He succeeded his father in the title in 1862. His heir Is the eldest son. viscount Brackley, who was born Nov en1ber l4, 1872,
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-07-14
Howard Reappointed

Montgomery. July 1s-(special)-Th e governor has reapponted H. B. Howard of Cullrnan a member of the excise com n1is sion of Cullrnan county. His term is two years.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-07-14
Mount Lassen Erupts Again

Redding Cal, July 1S-The sixteenth eruption of Mount Lassen occurred at 2:50 p. m- today, piebald cloud shot several tn ou sa nd feet into the air
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-07-14
Infant Son of Mr. and Mrs. Halter

The Infant son of MT and Mrs. W. H. Halter, who died yesterday morning, ere conducted ves.crday afternoon from the residence, $40 F0arth avenue, East Lake. Int erment followed In East Lake cemetery
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-07-14
Bv-Product Downs WyIam

In one of the best played games lor the sea son the by-product team Of the Ten nessee Coal and Iron company league de- fea ted Wylam on their home dlamond py tile score of to l. s
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-07-14

JOHNS vndsrta1a-x e. Phen. loal
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-07-14
Methodist Pastors Resol lu ton

JOHN SANDERS, President IN. T, COBB, Secretary"
The Washington herald., 1914-01-18

be allowed to shoot them around pro,
miscuously any longer, and in fact is tc
be put out of business altogether, his
place being taken by government of,
fetal carrying a stethoscope and ar
H-ray outfit for the purpose of ascer.
tanning your fitness to get married. The
good old-fashioned love, unregulated
unrestrained, as free as air, and as
quick as the fash of one pair of eyes
into another, is to be shackled, and mar
riage permitted only by act of congress
or by special license issued by bu-
reau of matrimony at Washington, un-
der the direction of a secretary OF
eugenics in the Presidents cabinet"
well, well, wellw said Mrs. Peda-
gog What on earth are we coming
to-"
You may search me, madam said
the idiot. "and ever then you won't find
the answer, but if things keep on as
they seem to have begun the sooner they
take the Statue OF Liberty down there
in New York harbcr and stand it on
its head, with the torch sticking in the
mud and its feet wabbling in the air,
the better
The Idiot sighed deeply, and swal-
lowed half waffle at a gulp
That newspaper paragraph and the
Doctors conversation working together
brought on a nightmare from which l
fear l shall never recover" he resumed
q dreamed that wearying of the joys
of this temple of celibacy, | went heed
lessly forth to certain pleasant home
wot OF and timerously proposed mat
rimony to pretty little compilation OF
fluff, chiffon, and feathers, and was the
delighted recipient of a coy yes, the
which opened up vistas OF bliss along
the primrose path the like OF which
had never dreamed of before"
Il don't see anything to complain of
in dream like that" said the Doctor.
"Ah-if it had stopped there, Doctor,
| should have been your debtor for a
bit of ecstasy which no Poet could Sue
cessfully hope to reduce to song," said
the Idiot, ''but, alas, it didn't stop there.
Thrilled with the bliss cf The accepted
lover | hied me to the City Hall for
a license to wed, and my troubles be-
gan. Hardly had | mentioned my er-
rand TO the fnnetiOnary in charge 1tJIeH
/ 1uds sei-ed by q couple of husky med
ieal inspectors. handcuffed, and thrown
into an ambulance, and with consider
able clatter of wheels and clangor of
The Washington herald., 1914-01-18

THAT'S natural enough said the
Doctor. "You have used it so little
that IT'S probably as s0od as new"
II use only the inactive side here,
Doctos,1 said the Idiot "T don't see
the use Of wasting any of my real gray
matter on circles where the necessities
calf merely for an occasional indul-
genee in the pinkier tissue required by
light and tangoistic conversation. But
to continue-the Inspectors, having sat
isfied themselves as to my Intellectual
fitness, now turned their attention to
putting me through what think l may
properly call the organic third degree.
If the first inspection was trying, this
one was terrible. A corps of eager and
accomplished yivisectors from the
Rockernegie Institute of Squizzical Re-
search, under the direction OF the sec
retary of the interior, began an inspec-
ton of my insides the memory of which
will haunt me to my last moment With
few deft slashes of a cold, steely
thing that looked like a grapefruit knife
they extracted my heart, and put it
through course of sprouts that would
have delighted the soul of a Spartan
mother-the kind that used TO put hot
fiatirons on babys back to teach the
The Washington herald., 1914-01-18

bells hurried off to the eugenic inspec
ton bureau. And, oh, the course o.
sprouts they put me through! / dom
want my worst enemy-no, not even tn,
Doctor hereto have to face such al
ordeal. Arrived at the inspection bu
reau, ! was shot down a chnte in thu
sidewalk into a dressing -Com wher.
everything that l had on me except m,
smile and my eyebrows was removed
whereafter, lying fiat upon I. glass table
with rubber tube connecting my wind.
pipe with tank of oxygen to keep me
from being asphyxiated, | was rolled
into a Theoretically sealed retort and
completely fumigated in sulphur bath
Alter four hours OF thi; l was lifted
out of the bath by a pair of automatic
/ tongs, slid along a monorail track into
a cold-storage apartment, heated to a
temperature OF thirty degrees below
zero, and kept there until every posi-
BILE germ that had escaped the sulphur
had been frozen solid. The congealment
having been successfully accomplished,
and every germ turned into germicicle,
a small chunk of fro=en me 1rds Sosped
Om Of the middle of my back and sub
jccted to an analytical inspection under
microscope in order to ascertain
whether | complied with the require
ments of the pure husband law, and
was really, as husband ought to be,
good enough to eat. This done l was
placed in a hot-water bath, left to SIM
mer for two hours, and then, complete
ly thawed out, | was put to bed. Lying
there ! was lulled to sleep by an at
tendant who read aloud to me soothing
little extracts from Paradise Lost and
the after-dinner speeches of Vice Presi-
dent Marshall Then, weary nature hav-
ing succumbed, was awakened every
five minutes during the night in order
to satisfy the inspectors as to what eff
feet persistent disturbance of my rest
would have upon my disposition and my
nervous system. In the presence of
Mrs. Pedagog l shall not now state the
thoughts that arose in my mind during
that internal process, but will content
myself with saying that General Sher-
mans famous description of war was
wholly inadequate as a description Of
what I went through. 1t was all OF
that, and then some.
This test completed, an X-ray
photographer entered the room, and
after strapping my head. face down
ward, to board, with my ears fast
The Washington herald., 1914-01-18

have gradually forced themselves into
acceptance during the past ten or hf-
teen years, every new scheme that comes
along gives us just the same kind OF
jolt, and creates among the timid
the same kind of a spiritual earth
quake, as did all the others before we
could be induced to accept them. Take
my own case, for instance. Here / am
quite reconciled to government control
of the trusts. As long as l don't have
to travel much I don't shiver at gov
ernment ownership of railways, or the
new proposition of the postmaster gen.
eral that on and after May first all
theatrical managers shall be required to
ship their chorus girls from one town
to another by parcel post, and the idea
of the postofice department taking over
the telegraph and telephone service
leaves me cold and Indifferent. / have
The Washington herald., 1914-01-18

give you a chill ] don't know anything
that will" ar. -s;..ss--.s F. (
The idiot read the following: T.:
Marrying in haste and repenting al
leisure will be thing of the past ir
Wisconsin under the new state eugenic.
law if it is true as reported that SIX
months will be required for the exam.
ination of a candidate for double bless.
edness. The Wasserman test must be
applied four times and be followed by
the Noguchi test before a certificate OF
freedom from disease can be signed
conscientiously. If a physician went to
the limit of scientific search, declares
one authority, he would be obliged to
make hole in the skull of the appli-
cant, remove a portion of his brain, put
it on glass slide and inspect it micro
scopically in search of deleterious ingre-
dents likely to result in brainstorm
and other phases of Dementia Ameri-
cana. A complete eugenic inspection
will be very likely to make an absolute
1y healthy man unfit for matrimony, or
at least give him a bad case of cold
feet"
There you are, madam said the
Idiot. What do you think of that as
the first step for young man to take
along what the poets used to call the
primrose path?' Think of a young
couple going off on their honeymoon
with a hole bored in their heads and a
portion of their brains on file in a bot
tie down at the department of matri-
mony."
"Why ifs-it's perfectly barbarous !"
calculated the landlady. The effect of
that sort of thing will be"
"The effect of that sort of thing,
madam, if it becomes a national as well
as state law said the Idiot, will be
that just as 1 showed you the other day
how the income tax is going to breed
another corps of inspectors to rummage
through our boxes and bureau drawers
in search of income-bearing securities
to prove that We are not holding out
anything on the treasury department, so
in the near future any young man or
young woman who wants to travel from
the state of single blessedness into the
state of matrimony will be compelled
to let bunch of matrimonial inspec-
tors go rummaging through their germ
centers in search of conditions which
will compel them to remain single for
ever Nice little idea, that, eh? Old
Danny Cupid with his arrows isn't to
The Washington herald., 1914-01-18

dear little chap what fun it really was
to suffer. They puffed cigarette smoke
into it. They soaked it in bottled cock
tails, fermented grape juice, and wood
alcohol. They hung it over clothes
line on a moonlight night while bevy
OF beautiful chorus girls sang selection.
from the latest ragtime operas to it, and
registered minutely the variations
caused by each experience in the rhyth-
mic smoothness of its action
But for what purpose?" cried the
Landlady, apparently much horrihed.
Il don't know, madam said tn.
Idiot, unless it be that science has
definitely ascertained that cigarettes, al
cohol, and chorus girls bear some subtle
relationship to that style of husbandry
which ultimately increases the prosper
ity of Reno. At any rate, my heart
came through with flying colors. The
cigarette smoke affected it not at all.
The alcohol test left it apparently un-
moved, and the chorus-girl test, said
to be one of the severest to which the
heart can be subjected, accelerated its
action only three beats to the hundred,
and it is authoritatively stated that the
danger point is not reached until that
acceleration passes the ffty-per-cent
mark. Similarly an inspection was
made of all the rest of my table of con-
tents-my liver, my bacon, my kidneys,
the whole bill OF fare, in fact, was scru-
tinized, turned, twisted, investigated
impeached, and drastically cross-exam-
ined by the most famous specialists the
government could secure, and at the end
of three weeks l was discharged from
the bureau with certificate of health
that would Immediately arouse the sus-
picion of any self-respecting life insur-
ance company in the world, and a per.
nit to marry certifying that l had com.
pletely complied with all the require
ments of the pure husband law"
Fine said the Doctor. "A suitable
reward for all that suffering-and yod
found your bride waiting at the church,
l presumed?
q did," said the Idiot, but. alas, for
loves young dream, my little romance
came to earth with dull and sickening
thud. The moment my bride-to-be set
eyes upon me she shrieked, and swooned
away. I was so emaciated by the test
that all M manly beauty was gone for
ever. My most intimate friends hardly
recognized me, and my dream of bliss
ended with the awful vision of my
hearts desire clipping with my best man
over the border to Mexico, which, with
Russia, in these progressive days seems
to be almost the only really free coun-
try left on the face of the esrthS
The Washington herald., 1914-01-18

Does look that way, doesn't it, said
the Idiot, utterly unmoved. Il am a
firm believer in that association-of-ideas
theory because |, too, have suffered. /
had fearful dream myself last night
which l trace directly back to having
overindulged in that rare joy of listen
ing 10 your conversation on eugenics
the other morning."
Did / converse on the subject of
eugenics?" said the Doctor.
We'll, l suppose you would call it a
conversation said the Idiot, though
as l think of the affair now it wasn't
exactly conversation You started in
on a monologue with the mush, and
when l left the table at the close of the
finger-bowl course you were still at it.
l recall no interruptions of an oral ma
ture during its progress, though 1 have
a dim notion that l managed to slide
in a sneeze at one point, to which you
paid no attention whatever At any
rate the effect of that flow of words on
your part gave me a eugenic nightmare
that really don't care to repeat"
What did l say?" asked the Doctor,
! rather pleased to find that his utter
ances had not fallen on barren ground.
That's the funny part of it, laughed
the Idiot. 81 didn't catch anything you
said because l was thinking of some-
thing else, but newspaper paragraph
in my paper on my way down town
brought the whole horrid business
oozing up out of my subconscious mind
which had probably registered every
word you spoke-and, by Jove, the ef-
feet upon my dreams that night was
something awful! Honestly, in spite of
all my manly strength and wonderful
endurance, as indicated by my physical
condition after having lived in the same
house with you gentlemen for nearly
twenty years, the thing gave me a ner-
vous chill"
"Ail fine new ideas along the lines
VI iSdi PiOSiSSs diS dpl u dHeSt d
highly-insulated, rubber-coated mind
like yours just that way" said the Doc
tor
True enough" said the idiot His
tory teaches us that all right From
the time the first Progressive entered
the Garden of Eden and induced Adam
and Eve to repeal the constitutional
limitations upon their complete freedom
of action, and by abandoning the pro-
tective principle put apples on the free
list down to the present hour, new
ideas have always shocked conservative
minded people like myself. We don't
seem to get used to them either, and
in spite of the many new theories that
The Washington herald., 1914-01-18

Il should like to see a picture of your
brain," said he. What did It look like,
Mr.. Idiot-a pinwheels'
Not exactly" replied the idiot. 1T
rather suggested the general conforma-
ton and characteristics of the Niagara
whirlpool
Pretty frothy, eh?' suggested Mr..
Brief.
"On top-yes,' admitted the Idiot,
But below the surface most remark
able for its profundity and the quick
ease with which it could assimilate any
substance that came within the range of
its tentaculsr reach. Fact is, was rath-
er surprised at it myself. l always knew
it was a good brain, but had no idea
it ran so deep, and it looked as fresh
and bright as a pin"
The Washington herald., 1914-01-18
TAKES UP WITH DOCTOR
QUESTION OF EUGENICS

ened by steel clamps to two upright
brass rods at right angles to my tenn
Piles, so that they stood out like the sails
of a ship sailing before the wind, they
took side view, front view, a back
view, and a bird's-eye view of my
brain which, with small silver of the
brain itself extracted with an antisep-
tic corkscrew bored through the base
of the cerebellum, was sent to the
meteorological department to be exam
ined under a forty-thousand horse
power microscope for traces of storm
taint which might ultimately cause in
sanity to crop out in some remote gen.
Grafton of my possible posterity."
The Doctor laughed.
The Washington herald., 1914-01-18
Copyright. iNA.I
tCopyrisht. isil.)
6evATELL Doctor" said ths
w idiot, with a smile, as the

XIV TELL Doctor, said tn
w Idiot, with smile, as the
physician dropped cou-
pie of soda mint tablets into his milk,
Il see you are as original as ever. A
doctor taking his own medicine these
days is rare spectacle What's the
idea-sufering from indigestion, or are
you merely trying to inspire confidence
in the rest of us by showing how little
you fear your own prescriptions"
Indigestion" said the Doctor. Il
dreamed about you last night, and it has
unsettled by innards. l dreamed the
President had recognized Mr.. Huerta,
and had appointed you ambassador to
Mexico, and l tell you, old man, it was
dreadful. I'll never eat lobster again
if it is going to bring on any more
nightmares like that"
"Hap' said Mr.. Brief, the lawyer.
What an interesting case of cause and
effect. You eat lobster, and immediate
ly begin dreaming of the Idiot. Any
subtle relationship between the two,
Doctor?"
q guess so," said the Doctor. "As-
sociation of ideas, perhaps"
The Doctor accompanied the compli-
ment with mixture of a grin and a
grimace denoting outward pleasure and
inward pain.