Newark evening star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1909-1916, 1914-07-23
In Land of Jokedom

A woman Went to the orient and.
coming back, was caught trying to
smnggle in a lot Of choice silks. She
had TO pay duty and a fine. Then
there was talk Of a criminal action
70 follow. Her son-in-Iaw called on
the customs officials
rs it possible" he asked in a sewers
tone. after my mother-in-law had
paid the duty on the stuff and her
fine that you contemplate criminal
action?"
We are considering it, the GUS
toms official replied gravely.
And If my mother-in-law were TO
be convicted. as she probably would
be, she would have to go to jail2"
= think So"
Do you mean to tell me you intend
10 do this to woman-a woman who
has already expiated her fault and
recompensed the government"
i do. But look here, old chap,
don't take this too hard. I've got to
do my duty, you know. Don't feel so
badly about it,
Badly" shouted the son-in-Iaw.
Why, my dear sir, this is the first
CLEAN Of sunshine that has entered
my home in twenty ears."-London
Tit-Bits.
One afternoon an esteemed citizen
went into a barber shop to have his
brlars reaped, but no sooner had he
taken seat in one Of the chairs than
ne dropped into heavy slumber.
Apparently the shave artist was
having his own trouble in manipu-
lating the customer, and after maxi
ing several attempts he thoughtfully
paused.
Excuse me, sir" said he. gently
shaking the man IN the chair; .'but
would you mind waking up? l can't
shave you while you are asleep
Cant shave me while I'm asleep"
exclaimed the victim. with a wonder.
ing expression. why not?'
Because" explained the barber. as
softly as possible, when YOU fan
INTO slumber your mouth opens so
wide that l can't find your face
Philadelphia Telegraph. >
A farmer met man at a railroad
depot who asked him for a chew Of
tobacco. The farmer pulled out a
plug and said: Have you got a
No, replied the man. Have YOU
any particular place where you want
me to bite it,"
Nope" said the farmer.
The man jumped aboard the NOV
ing train and yelled back. All right.
then, I'll bite it in the next town
National Monthly.
Il think. William. I'll ask those new
people next door to take dinner with
us tonight"
What for?''
Well. the butcher by mistake left
their meat order here, and 1t seems
only fair."-Life.
DO you like Miss Prattle?'s
Yes; she's SO generous. Never
keeps anything to herself, and is al
ways ready to give away even her
best friend. Judge.
Are you selling many seats for this
show asked the stranger in the
metropolis.
Selling seatslD replied the naughty
young man at the window II am the
treasurer of the theatre. no- ticket
Speculation.
The Squire-That's a splendid
horse, Giles l suppose you feed It
daily with punctuality.
Giles Nav. sur. None O. yer moo
tangled foods for me. Just 'ay and
oats-oats and 'ay.-London Mail
Il have written a novel entitled
What q Woman Wants. Can you
publish it?''
IT fear not. We are not undertake
ing anything that runs over coo
pages. Kansas City journal
wow There goes old Smithi<ins
In his new six When knew him a
few years ago he had junk shop
He still has. only he moved It to q
fashionable street, kept the same
stock and labeled it Antiques -
Judge.
II sleep well at night" says the
Philosopher of Folly, because
know that the robbers who steal most
of my money keep the same daylight
office hours that I do" = Cleveland
Leader.
Many man has acquired condi-
ton of misery by drinking to some
other fellows health.-Toledo Blade
The more anxious a man is to argue
the more advisable 1t is not to argue
with him.-Albany Journal
Epenin6 Star