South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1914-03-18
GOLF IS CURE FOR
HUMANITY ILLS
SAY ITS DEV0TEES
If You Don't Believe it You
Have But to Grab a Bag of
Clubs and Try Once to Be
Convinced they Believe.
BY FRANK G. MENkE.

NEW YORK, March 18.-"Golf is"
grabbing 1t from those who profess
TO know whereof they articulate-"a
heaven-sent blessing 10 mankind-the
thing that Ponce de Leon was hunt
ing"
Golf Is even more than that-if you
wish TO take the word of the gutta
percha enthusiasts for IL. Those per
sons will assure you that the business
of sWatting and then pursuing an in
nocent looking helpless little glObule
Of rubber will bring back the bloom TO
faded cheeks, Will cure spavins, will
thin the fat and fatten the thin, and
oh, many, many other things that are
so much desired by those who desire
them.
Do you play poker, chew tobacco,
drink hard cider--Or other liquids
Well, If you'll play golf you'll never
do those hOrrid disgusting things
again. Do your teeth ache, are you a
hay fever victim or have you an ailing
appendix? Play gOlf-and presto,
you'll be cured.
If your hair is thinning on the top
try golf. AS a hair grower golf
knows no equal. Perhaps you love
lady who isn't overly fond of you just
now. Play gOlf-and within three
months you'1l be ducking rice and cast
orange blossoms clutching your arm
Provide the Ladies.
Have your wife or daughter Suffra-
get leanings notwithstanding your op-
position? Do they insist upon mount
ing soap boxes and picturing the hor-
rors of man-made rules-and thereby
rejecting upon your actions as hus
band and father? Gold will cure
that. Provide the ladies with a brassie.
mashie. nlblick, putter, caddy and
a few dozen golf balls and shoe them
of in the direction Of a golf course.
Ever afterward they'll be so busy try
ing to edo" the course in less than
bogie that they won't have time to
make suffrage speeches and flaunt
yellow flags. nor will they have time
TO cook your meals.
Perhaps you yearn for a boost in
pay-and the boss loosens a Shrek of
poverty every time YOU approach him
on the subject. Wei. Ajnst hustle off
10 a links and master the Scot game.
When the boss hears of it he'll be SO
lvarful that yOu'n EleaYeE his business
Hat on its spinal column and become
a golf INSTRUCTOR tHaf dell vote you
Just twice as big anAiacrease as you
asked for and make you Junior partner
or vice president. in addition.
Summing it all up. there is nothing
that golf cannot accomplishment to
resUrrecting the dead. Modern his
tory is pretty we'll cluttered up today
with the names Of men who more than
40 years ago were declared dead" as
far as physical prOwess was concerned.
who now rank among the greatest
players of the game.
Another grand feature about the
golhng game is that if you play it
we'll enough to get your name in the
Paper regularly some enterprising
cigar manufacturer will add to your
fame by naming a ten cent (straight)
cigar after you. Also you'll get a
chance TO earn from So to SIS every
month for letting a patent medicine
concern, n hat manufacturer, a shoe
maker, or some wine merchant use
your nam in connection with letter
giving enthusiastic endorsement of his
product.
After learning of all these benefits
that one derives from the business of
swatting gutta-percha, aren't you al
most willing 20 admit that golf is a
grand little game?
p. SIT may be that there are
some persons in this land of the free
and home of the brave who never
have played the game of golf, but who,
after reading of its marvellous accom-
plishments. yearn TO learn the game.
II such is the case. and we are prop
erly approached on the subject. we
viii be glad 10 gtve-gratis-one in
complete lesson in golf.
BREDESIUS BEATS CHRISTIAN.
In the second game Of the pool
tournament under way at Bredemus'
pool room. Bredemus defeated Christ
raan, 10 10 81. The tournament prom
ises some good games. There are
eight entries and il is said that some
~ the host fqlnnf the rifW Z IN no