The Bottineau courant. (Bottineau, Bottineau County, N.D.) 1895-1929, 1914-05-15
Some
Breaches Of Promise
By NJ. QUAD
Copyright, 1914, by Associated Lit
erary Press.

DSoSAAS 49," S
baby ever born in the state of Ohio.
When Hiram was ten years old he
was the homeliest boy in any two
states in this Union. At twenty-one
he had the face of a baboon.
One day. after looking at him a long
time, his father said to him:
Hiram, what in thunder is going to
become of you anyhow?"
Ppm thinking it over" was the reply.
After thinking things e for awhile
and having a very serious talk with a
fruit tree agent Hiram announced one
Monday morning that he had mapped
| out a career for himself, and half an
hour later he drove away from the
farm with a hired horse and buggy.
Within a radius of ten miles were
twenty-three widows. Fifteen had
been made such on one and the same
day by the falling Of a highway bridge.
| Not one of the women was poor, while
some had bank accounts. All had
| seer Hiram Spooner several times
over. Hiram had prepared a list, and
he began his calls according to card
system. AS he drove up to a house he
wriggled out of his buggy and wrig-
| gled along to the door. and when it
was opened to him and he was invited
in he began:
widow Blank. I am trying to do
something to make a living. Did you
know that you can grow two crops Of
the Oklahoma cucumber!"
mo. l heard Of it."
II sent and got some of the seeds.
Here they are I shall charge you but
little more than for the ordinary seeds.
and you can have two crops in place
of one."
"Well. l will buy them to help you
along"
."That is kind Of you. I need money.
but there are times when l fairly long
for a word Of sympathy"
II know you must. and for years I
have wanted to tell you how very. very
sorry l was and am. There is no one
in the world | pity as l do you. IL
you have anything else to sell bring it
here"
Hiram had tears in his eyes as be
left the house. but before climbing
into his buggy he took out his men,
orandum book and made some entries
under the proper date.
1t took over thirty days for him to
get around to the last widow. but he
finished his business in good shape.
Half a dozen times his father had de-
nanded:
"See here, boy. what kind Of a game
are you up to with the widows""
I'm picking out the best Of the lot
to propose to-" was always the reply.
Soon as the last widow had bought
some Oklahoma cucumber seeds to help
Hiram Spooner along with his laudabie
ambitions and to raise a double crop
Of cucumber pickles the first one call
ed on received a note from Hiram.
It stated that his heart had been deep
" touched by her kind words and. be-
ing sure in his own mind that it was
a case of love at first sight with both
of them. he had decided to accept her
generous offer and hoped that it would
be no sacrifice on her part. At what
date should the wedding take place?
Was the betrothal to be announced
at once or later on? What minister
did she prefer? How many and what
guests should be invited?
The widow read the note over the
first time with wonder. The second
time she was amazed. and the third
she gasped out:
why. what can the crazy donkey
mean?"
The widow sat down and wrote a
note repudiating everything. even to
the Oklahoma cucumber seeds. These
seeds had been fed to the chickens just
before the note was written. .
Hiram came back with a written
statement that she had deceived him
and crushed his young and crippled
heart. She had led him to believe that
she loved him. and in return he had
given her all his affections. To be
thrown down now would be q blow
that he could never get over. No mon
ey could ever heal his feelings. but she
must requite him to al extent as a
moral lesson to her not to fool with
the hearts of the male sex. .
The negotiations consumed two
weeks. and the widow paid over to
Hiram $500 rather than go into court.
His little game was worked on every
single one Of the widows. From some
he got as much as $500 and from 9TH
ers only a single hundred.
Not until the very last did Hiram's
father understand what he had been
up to, and then he indignantly ex-
claimed:
Il orter to turn you outdoors or set
the law on you"
but you won't. 1t has long panied
me Ito e you working away on this
stony old farm and not coming but $25
a year ahead of the game"
And I've had a useless o to sup
port" growled the father.
but useless no longer. hereby Of
fer you $1,000 for the old farm. and
you can be my hired man at $50 q
month and board for the next ten
years."
Il EA - A. EM - ~ AE - KY -EE AAE LL-.