The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1914-04-21
THE SELECTIVE SILENCER.
Wonderful Invention for the suppression
Of FOOllsi, War Talk.

Of Foolish War Talk.
Mr.. Delaware Minimum, the eminent
inventor. announced yesterday the per-
lection Of a device based on the Maxim
firearm silencer. by the use Of which
statesmen, politicians, army contractors
and others given to the praise of war
and Indictment of mass meeting patriot
ism would DO completely deprived of
their potency.
1T is a great triumph for civiliza-
ton" said Mr. Minimum.
Il freely acknowledge my indebted
ness to Hudson Maxim" he added
when he announced the invention OF
the noiseless popgun I aspired to the
honor of making possible the fool proof
war speech. My invention is the result
of the researches and labors then un-
dcrtaken."
Mr.. Minimum exhibited for inspection
a small white metal tube. having nu-
mcrous pcrforations in each end, and
supplied with several elastic dia-
| phragms.
"All that is necessary" said Mr.. Min
imurn. "is to insert this contrivance in
the throat of the suspected person and
fasten II in place with the metal clamps
with which 1t Is provided. Thereafter
|
In place, all the oratorical fireworks and
Fourth Of July phrases formed at Its
lower end will be suppressed in its
mechanism, and only n words as a
wise man might utter will issue from
the lips Of the speaker.
We'll knowing that scepticism might
he expressed as to the possibility of
such a transformation I lave arranged
a practical demonstration Of the power
OF my invention"
| Mr.. Minimum drew aside curtain.
and displayed the bound and gagged
form of "a famous statesman, noted for
his oratory and rhetoric. whose name,
In spite Of his demands that 1t be
printed, for obvious reasons is Withheld
! His identity shall forever remain
secret. hut he Is the man who sue
ceeded Us'l' J'e C'n'on as seeker
of the Hose Of R'pr'''nt't'v's.
| Mr.. Minimum DEITY withdrew the
gag from the statesman's lips. That
brilliant figure in our national life at
once resumed his speech. lie said:
we are the greatest people on the
face of the earth.
I'VE possess a brand OF courage su-
perior in every detail to any brand Of
| courage ever possessed by any other race
!
this or any other globe. wherever situate.
We can lick all the rest of the world.
I catch as catch can, rough and tumble.
with or without gloves.
NO other people can run SO fast jump
SO Fh. knock their heels together so
Z loud. shout 80 much, As We can.
1--WE are so supernormally courageous
that We have to teal everybody about il
day and night Cor fear they would not
recognize their humN.a;!ng .n:eriorlty
I'VE challenge all ;he nations that there
! are 20 come on and tackle US
! The glorious eagle swims alo.t IN she
/ blue depths Of the empyrean-"
/ At a signal from MIR Minimum two
attendants seized Mr.. C'a'k. carefully
preserving the secret OF his name. and
! inserted a se,ectlVe s.lencer IN his
anatomy. The Clamps clicked. and Mr.
'l'r' continued without interruption or
apparent Inconvenience:
IL, Is unwisc. unchristian. stupid and
foolish 10 boast of our power and might.
Neither In courage nor cevot on 10 high
principles do we exceed the men OF other
| nations
Our intelligence lie not greater than
that Of others we are not less likely
than they TO err In Judgment. TO follow
| false leaders. 20 acquire transformation,
or to be misled by untru,h.
! AT such time az this We should
| search our hearts to disclose our motives
and weigh well our purposes 20 be sure
that We have no mean and petty afnbi
tons to serve
We should carefully examine all the
facts of the situation in which we End
ourselves, not In malice or with the sin
gle desire to Justify the course we have
set our ambitions on. but 10 inform our
selves az TO what our duty is and what
our rights are.
ma gnFf a..
rights and privileges of others. hut should
consider them caudidly. giving fun force
to their significance studied in the Light
Of our own innrmi,ics 81 temper and
disposition
We should
At this moment one of Tho clamps
holding the seleCtive silcnCor in place
became unfastened and The device failed
to function. Mr. Cla'k continued, OBJ
viously without noticing this:
- insist that every beef fed
Englishman acknowledge. at the poin, OF
our militia bayon"ts. that Mark Twain
was not only the greatest man in literi-
ture America has produce but that he
was u better man than Shakespeare ever
thought OF being, We can paint better
sing better, play the jews harp better.
chew tobacco bot'cr---'
Mr., Minimum gave signal to his
assistants. who replaced the gag in Mr.
''ark's mouth. The inventor turned 10
his guests.
could anything he more Convin-
Cing?" he asked You see, Mr.. Cl'rk
talked always normally. as was proved
by the slight accident which revealed
his words at the end of the test
The select!ve silencer strained his
language and made IT almost tit for
human consumption
Am wrong in feeling great pride
In my triumph?'
/ The spectators congratulated Mr..
Minimum. Onc of them suggested or
ganizng corporation to put the selcc-
tive sllencer on the market
mo. gentlemen" said Mr.. Minimum
throwing back his head - have dedi-
Gated II to my native land Its manu-
facturc and application are to be Gov
eminent monopolics."
iumb Wen Who Want Too Nrch.