Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1914-12-07
Copyright. 1914. The star Co. Great
Britain Rights Reserved.J


Britain Rights ReservedJ
(From the December Hearsts.)
Il see" said Mr. Dooley. that a So
ciety has been formed to stop aftherdin-
ner orathry. an I explct ivry day 10
read that it's rooms has been raided by
the polls. FIR ~ coorse, this Is a
murdher society. like tn Mafeeya. Te'
on'y way ye can prevint an afther-dln-
ner orator FIRM orau' afther dinner is
TO sthrangle him. II wuddent do amy
good not to ask him to tn bankit H'd
go anyhow.
He'd disguise himsle as a walter or
concale himsilf behind tn potted palms
an 90 soon as tn dimmy -taRsies came
on he'd leap out an begin: Mither Chair
main an gintlemen. / am reminded be
this occasion Nv a story that I got firm
me oil frind Dock Hostetter'-an So on"
''Ye didn't always feel that way" said
Mr.. Hennessy.
Il know ! didn't. said Mr.. pooley
Twas wanst the hite of me ambition
TO stand up behind n bank Nv flowers,
with good see-gar in wan hand an
napkin in tn other an wan mlnyit have
me audience convulsed with laughter an
another minyit dissolved In tears. told
ye a long time ago that a tur-rble fist
made " IT, how / rrgot to commit
amy part Nv the grafton TO mimry EXCEPT
tn parts that ar're printed In brackets
like; applause, loud an prolonged
laughter, cries Nv No. no. Go on and
tn like, an how without utthrin' wurrd
sunk to me chair a mute inglorious
Danl Webster.
Since thin / go TO q banklt w. tn
Dimmycratic club on'y TO injye mesIf be
watchin' ~ the fellows that Expects TO
be called on fr speeches an obsarve
IN wealthy contractor that has Just
been hcted goin' without nourishment
because he don't know which fork 20 use.
but because / was tn most turrble
failure a. an orator that tn wurruld
has liver seen, In no raison why / should
want TO suppriss tn poor fellows be Vi
lence. It's us that encourages them that
Is 10 blame. lvry nation injyes some
kind Of a crool sport an afther-dinner
orathry is tn same with us as bull
fiehtin' is with the Spanyards.
Did 20 liver go TO a bankit? " coorse
not. Why did 1 ask ye such a foolish
question: Well, ye go into a big room
where's there a lot " little tables occy-
pied be people that ar-re there to injye
themselves. an a long. raised table where
they stick tn condemned culprits. A man
who has been chose because iv his harsh
manners an tn ready flow " insults at
his command sets In tn middle amongst
thin. He's the only one at aise In tn
line. An why shudden't he be at aise 2
He's the isicutioner Tn others ar-re pale
with ambition an fright. They do not ate
or drink anything that's passed TO thin.
They don't speak to each other. Now an
thin they moisten their parched lips with
sip Of wather. But most w tn time
they're wurrukin' away with little stubs
w pencils polishin' up their last dyin'
utthrances.
''Manewhile tn la-ads at tn little
tables who ARE not look fr fame or
glory ar-re havin' a gran time It's
Hey waither. bring another goord iv
that Fr-rinch cider Well, Mike, here's |
bad luck to ye.' Boy. some more dimmy- |
tassy.' Good stories ar-re goin' round, /
guests are stealth each others souvenirs
to take home TO IN childer, at corner 1
table four oil gintlemen ar-re singin' IN
clost harmony. I was seein' Nelly |
Home
IAN at wanst IN chairman gets up,
hammers fr silence. an lnthrojooees tn |
first speaker in these CLOWN TERMS /
'Gintlemen.' he says. tn best ~ times |
must come to an end. We ar-re 30 un-
forchnit as 70 have with us tonight tn |
Hon'rabie T.. Lemuel Higgs. who Is
known 70 IN polls as tn Big Wind Nv
tn Sixteenth ward. don't know how he
got in. but here he is. He has asst me to |
be allowed 20 address ye, an OWN TO
m prlslnce Nv a few " me mortal inlmies |
In the audience / have consinted Guests |
ARE REQUESTED 10 injye themselves as
best they can durn' his ballyhoo, but / |
must remind thin that II they applaud
him with Ia ehinyware they viii be
charged with the bFeakage. Gentlemen.
Mister Higgs.'
AT that tn poor fellow leaps 20 his
feet. His face Is now a light green IN
color an Il wears a smile that makes
ye think he may have TUX an overdose
~ sthryohnine Befure he is fairly up
he huris a conYivial story at IN audi
ence. Il splutters fr minyit an goes
out Ia IN air like firecracker on &
rainy Foorth " July. He thries another
an tn la-ads down below begin TO scrape
their feet an move their chainI
Conversation starts up again. TIL
walters thrD over chairs. There is
noise Nv broakin' dishes IN IN panthry.
/ Tn fiddler IN IN orcheathry ch0ons his
fiddle. An tn OIL antlemen IN IN corner
begin Eingin' IN scond verse ~ Seem
Nelly Home which - the same az an
\ first an tn twinty-siyinth.
/ But Higgs goes right on He can't
stop aven n he wanted 10 an now he
don't want 10. Fin'Ily IN brutal chair
man hauls him back be tn coat tan.
yells. Time so that II can be heerd
above tn hiiarity; he murmurs a Few
wurrds IN thanks an sets down In his
chair rnops his face with napkin an
turns 10 his neighbOr an says; How
dye think Il whit? But IN neighbours
throat Is 20 airy that ne can't answer.
Hes tn mex victim TO be led to tn
thrapdure. An mind ye these ARE IN