The Washington herald., 1914-03-24

Dog my cats, why did I say that to
ICephas and Hammer
That housekeeper had to go and another
one came. For time the deacon thought
he had a prize, and then there came a
tfalI-down The woman was boiling po-
tatoes for supper when the CHEEKY little
widow came in to bring her a paper pat
tern. There came an opportunity TO pour
most of the water out Of the kettle and
bring about an odor of burning pota-
tees. Did the widow grasp it?
There wasn't time to cook a fresh
supply, and the deacon was shifting and
Ijawling when the widow came in to
say:
Il thought Mrs. Brice might forget her
potatoes in her interest in the pattern.
and so I brought you some French-fried
ones"
| Never in his life had the deacon met
up with French-fried potatoes, and never
had he thought the tubers could be made
into such an excellent dish.
by gosh what 4 cook. I wonder IL
Cephas and Hammer have remembered
what 1 said?"
BY the time the customary year Of
mourning was up the deacon had had
eight housekeepers ard was doing his own
cooking. He also had indigestion. Also
he had backache from a lumpy feather
bed.
He had something en- his mind. the
deacon had, and every time the Widow
Hastings brought him over a pie, fresh
lot OF douShnuts or a custard he thought
all the harder ana shook his head and
muSed:
Hammer may have forgotten 1t, but
Cephas is just the sort of critter to grin
and wink over il. i hoped I'd never go
to heaven if 1 married again, but 1 won
der if i, hadn't better take the chances?"
He was seeing the widow every two
or three days. but never a mint of love
and matrimony. 1t was just neighborly
talk. and not too much OF that. He
must remember that vow. one night he
awoke to find himself sitting up in bed.
1t was an idea that awoke nm, and he
fairly shouted out:
Il was a fool not to think of 1t before.
I'll go to the parson this very day"
And go he did. and when he got there
he asked:
"Parson. YOU didn't know my wife very
well. did you?'
'She wasn't given to talking much"
was the reply.
''Noap. but she was a mighty good
wife,
NO doubt of that"
1T struck me a hard blow In talking
to my daughter and her husband that
evening 1 said I hoped never to go to
heaven if married again"
Yes
'And now I want to marry"
81 shall be pleased to officiate.''
Yes, but parson, / said l hoped I'd
never go to heaven if I did. Am going
10 be shet out if l do?'
Hardly, deacon-hardly. You see you
are an impulsive man. A few mornings
ago l passed your barn as you were milk
ing your COW. She switched her tail into
your face and you shouted out:
" Hold on, there, dunn ye! II We do
that again I'll knock every blasted horn
off'n your old spotted carcass"
Il paused to see il she would do il
again. She did. but you didn't even knock
one horn on
IL guess was bluffling," sheepishly
replied the deacon.
And one evening after prayer meeting
you stumbled over a sleepy hog on the
sidewalk and yelled out:
Darn yer old snout. but I'll boot the
daylights out of you,'
That's what you said, deacon and
though the hog waited around you didn't
boot him. 1t is just your impulsive way"
And I'll get into heaven"
I'D risk it If / were YOU, That is ~
-SN NAiA 'AAoAAS 1ohic III your
speech and avoid being churched."
Dog my cats, if I don't do my level
best, parsoni'
And who is the lady, may I ask?'
The Widder Hastings"
Nice woman"
You bet"
And when does the event come ofr?''
Hold on to your chair for ten minutes
and I'll let you know"
Three minutes later the deacon was at
the widows door and saying:
Lets you and me get married."
Lord, deaconr'
And if don't get to heaven, darn the
difference
They were married two weeks later.