The Washington times., 1914-01-29
The Troubles of
Mr.. Jarr
Rr ROY MccARDEIL.


n decd a pleasure!'' And to
- show what a pleasure 1t
was Mr. aJabez Smith.
scrchant prince and husband of that
ssbfp- Young society leader, Mrs
lara Mudridge-Smith, rubbed his hands
Ike 4 head clerk in q habeTdashery
skiing: Anything else. sir? Have you
zen our fancy shirtings, your own
soHogram on the sleeve, at 800 the
.sBen?'' ---s -...
Mr. Dinkston bowed graveIy and took
seat in Mr.. JarFs boss private Of
zee. .s-- -.
so you have decided to return to
our duties as efficiency engineer? An
IT. Dinkston. since we lost you
.laven't had the heart to look cost
heet in the face"
No" said Mr. Dinkston softty, you
mistake my mission. / have laid ASIDE
al business cares forever. come OIL
4 charitable mission"
.We refer all applicants for relief to
the Society for the Prevention or lnols-
Eliminate Almsgtying, said Mr.. Ja6ez
Smith. They win send an mvesnsator
10 me. who win make inquiries con-
cerninK the antecedents and ancestry
Of the applicant. whether hls or heF
progenitors were hereditary detectives
I'VE will make a research into the
relation of hereditary and environment,
furnish a ganletic description Of the
l arents. q somatic description OF on
spring and after the anthropological
tables have been filed out showing
whether the nearest OF kin we're neu-
rotic. alcoholic, tuberculaf. mtgraineus
or deIiberated. the data viii be tabu-
lated and published with charts, appen-
Cix. photographs and microlnetic meas
1,remcnts of skalls and jaws In exhaus-
tive reports. .. ..- .-z
Have YOU seen the report on the
BilIups family, of Smoky Hollow, W.
Va? This family Of defectVes-Iour-
teen people in all-have cost the state
Of West Virginia $500 year for twenty
vears and It is all set forth in these
twenty. two volumes of careful investi-
s:ation made by nine college graudate
students in sociology for period of ten
Years, eDd at a cost OF S5O0ej year lor
the investigation alone. while the pub
lication Of these twenty-five Volumes
have them here, you see, A Survey
Of the BiIlups Family: A Report of a
Rural Community of Hereditary Defec-
tives''-cost nearly $4,000 besides.
Complete sets OF the survey have
been sent to every bureau of research
and every sociologist in the world Ar
Mr. Dinkston. that survey IS MODEL
Of efficiency. a compilation of co-ordi-
late cooperation that would make you
proud to read.
81 simply was saying that if the ap-
plicant for relief IN whose behalf you
come is high-grade- feeble-mtnded, or
has abnormal tendencies. we shall IN
Clude him or he as a citation IN the
sddenda Of our Survey" said the mer-
"Ahem!' said Mr.. Dinkston, AS he
picked up one of the bulky volumes of
the Survey. The ByiluPs family. the
members Of which wsru mEinly drunk
ards and beggars-'
"AISoholics and mendicants, Mr.. Dink-
ston,2 corrected the merchant philan-
thropist; remember even detectives
s.lTeii," said AR. Dinkston, "the per-
son in whose behalf apply is dead.
I am seeking funds for floral tributes
personally contributed $4,000 year
to this one Bureau Of AnthroPological
But" interrupted Mr.. Dinkston
mildly, while we are visiting the Bill
lUps family we wander from the sub
iect in hand
aaThe poor are too extravagant in re-
gard TO funerals!" cried old man Smith
restily. In fact the poor are extrava-
CANT in everything. The wealthy are
wealthy because they are thrifty. How
ever. and remember, do this as a per-
Bonal favor to you-for cannot coun-
tenance indiscriminate giving-it only
pauperiZeE-here are two dollars,' And
the millionaire handed over that sum
n silver and change.
AS an exponent of business effici-
ency, Mr. Dinkston." continued the mer-
hant. you viii recognize that economy
is wealth, and that the elimination OF
waste is an anthropological as well as
2 business necessity"
In other words. the Door are better
fead?" replied Michael Angelo Dinkson.
John d. Rockefeller gives pennies to
children" continued old man Smith.
telling them 70 save these and they
VIII be rich. Russell Sage walked b
nile TO save cents, Hetty Green"
Here said Mr. DiRkston, bursting
:nto-5ears and emptying his pockets Of
III his funeral collections. give this
20 the unfortunate rich. 1t makes me
Unhappy TO think Of having this little
Hft when they evidently want 1t aIli'
And he walked out without informing
his ex-employer he had been collecting
FOR his own funeral.