The Washington times., 1914-11-19
Ferocious Epidemic Breaks
Out and Is Chased
Into Its Lair
by Ex-
pert.
BY BUGS" BAER.

Lii orphan Annie, who was
skeereG a teehty weenty DIT in COM
parison with District bowlers and
near-bowlers of today. Annie could
get skeered some when she had her
skeerers on. but Washington bowl
ers can make Annie look like the
Cleveland Mans i'm the skeering
league.
For the bowl weevil is abroad,
stalking up and down the narrow
lanes and alleys where the bowlers
hold forth, and scattering terror and
dismay into the chests Of our best
young bowlers.
This fearful monster was dis
covered by our bowling editor, Kirk
{. Miller, who first became sus-
picious when he noticed the parst-
monious and poorly nurtured bowl
ing scores being turned in nightly to
The Times. Being a man of a scien-
tific and inquiring drift of mind,
Mr.. Miller naturally undertook 10
discover the why and wherefore of
the sudden demise of what had for
merly been hale and hearty bowl
ing.
He sacrificed time, labor. and
money in his research, but today
science is richer by the discovery or
new and deadly germ. and Mr..
Miller feels amply repaid for his
efforts. He unearthed the bowl
weevil.
The bowl weevil is the germ. The
bowl weevil is the scourse which
has been decimsting the ranks of
ut,-,r
is the ifsidious, loathsome. noXious,
and creeping malady which has been
cutting into the wood, eating into
the mineralite. and devouring the
formerly buxom. pink checked and
saucy bowling scores of the Nation
al Capital
Gentlemen. the bowl weevil. Look
at its innumerable tentacles, its oc-
topus-like arms. it's snake-like form
tWirls its Wriggly. course down your
manly back bone
We can't blame you. The bowl
weevil would scare anybody. 1t
frightened our bowling editor. who
has witnessed countless scenes of
wilful carnage on many a maple bat
tlefield
The bowl weevil attacks its victims
frst in the feet. They become cold
A N&pory perSpiration breaks out
upon the sufferers high or low brow
Something asceIds in his throat. His
adam apple ferments. He desper-
ateiN inches over the foul line. The
pins fade away i'm II thin mist. and
he gives vent to one agonized shrek
as he hurls the bowling sphere into
the gutter.
The bowl weevil has got another
victim.
Other evidences OF the presence of
this dread disease are lapses of
memory on the part of the poor in
valid. He thinks he's made spare
when he's only got ten. He adds up
Incorrectly. always more. He forgets
TO pony uD in the drink box.
He imagines the pinboys are his
enemies intent upon running his
bowling reputation. He accuses them
OF NoooooinG the pins. and casting
mystic charms upoH the alleys.
The ATTACKS are very virulent. most
Of the victims only living to be a
hundred or so years Of age. Their
knees hccome ,cry weak when con-
iTonted with one pin spares. They
lore control of Their feet, sometimes
st3rtin" out to work. sometimes TO
cEurch. sometimes lone, but always
Winding up in bowling alley.
Pearson" dreams accompany the
presence of this gruesone germ. The
hclnitss and weakened bowler
dreams of countless 7-l5 splits hold
mg nocturnal carnival on his sad
dcned chest. He tecomes listleas. his
cars flap duly in the breeze. His
glazed optics peer sloomily down the
marrow perspective Of the alleys
where he is to be always found. He
is & confirmed bowl wee viler, doomed
TO a life of million alibis and a
career of persistent bowling.
Mr.. Miller promises more OH this
narrowing, but morbidly interesting
subject.
We Eope he breaks his leg.