davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington herald., 1914-01-04

tie tangoer and bunny hugger in nine.
ty-seven counties. Sundays in church
she is the demurest bit of sartorial
impressiveness in sight. but at the
bridge table you want to keep your
eyes wide open all the time lest your
comfortable little balance at the bank
BE suddenly transformed into howlins
overdraft / should say that on gen.
eral principles Mrs. Spinks is not less
than nine or ten women. all rolled into
one-Joan Of Arc. Desdemona, Lu-
crezia Borgia, Cleopatra, Xantippe
Juliet, Mrs. Pankhurst, Eve. and the
late Carrie Nation. But Spinks-pool
old Spinksy-there's no infinite variety
about him. At most Spinks is only
two men-Mr. Henpeck at home and
old Billy Gayboy when he gets out
Il suppose from all of this non-
sense" said the Landlady, that your
matrimonial ideal would be found in a
household where man rejoiced in the
possession of a dozen wives-one friv-
olous little Hebe for his joyous moods ;
one Junocsque thundercloud for Sc
rious emergencies; one capable seam
stress to keep his buttons sewed on ;
one hrst-class housekeepcr to look
after his domestic arrangements one
suffragette to talk politics to; one
blue-stocking for literary compan-
ionship; one highly-recommended cook
to preside over his kitchen; one musi-
cal wife to bang on the piano all day; /;
one athletic girl for outdoor con-
sumption, and plain, garden
gigsler to laugh at his jokes
Il think | could be true to such a
household, madame" said the idiot,
but please don't misunderstood me.
I'm not advocating such scheme. l
am only saying that since such a
scheme is impossible under modern
conditions ! think it is the best thing
that ever happened to my wife that
she and | never met
DO you think household of that
sort would be satisfied with you?"
asked the Bibliomaniac.
The chances are six to one that it
The Washington herald., 1914-01-04

"Oh, indeed l don't, Mrs. Pedagog,
said the idiot. 'It's just as bad for the
women as for the man-sometimes a
little worse, for there is no denying
that women are after all more cham
eleonic, capable of greater variety OF
emotions than men are. A man may
find several women in one-in fact,
he generally does. 1t is her frequent
unlikeness to herself that constitutes
woman's chief charm. Take my friend
Spinks' wife, for instance. She's the
most exacting Puritan at home that
you ever met. Poor Spinksy has to
toe straight mark for at least sixteen
hours out of every twenty-four. Mrs.
Spinks rules him with rod of iron.
but when that little Puritan goes to
a club dance-well, believe me. she is
the snappiest eyed, most firtatious lit
The Washington herald., 1914-01-04

somebody in here with one wife, bu
when man talks about having TWEEN
ty-why, l am almost disposed to Civ,
you notice now. Mr.. Idiot"
Don't you worry your kindly SOU
about me on that score. Mrs. Peda.
gog," smiled the Idiot. with Ostrich
feathers at SIS plume, and real Con-
necticut seaiskin coats made of aneors
plush going at SOB, and hobbIe skirts
selling in the open market at a hum
dred and fifty per hob, there is no
danger of my startling this company
by bringing home one bride, much less
twenty. was only speculating upon
a theoretical ideal of matrimony, a
sort of pluribus unum arrangement
which holds much speculative charm.
but which in practice. would undoubt-
edly land man in jail
The Washington herald., 1914-01-04

wouldn't be-" said the Idiot. I'D prob
ably get along gioriously with Hebe
and the giggier, but l guess the others
would stand a fair show of finding
marriage failure. Wherefore am l
welded only to my fancies, content
that my days should not be subjected
to the strain of trying to be all things
to one woman, preferring as l do to
remain one thing to all women instead
their devoted admirer and willing
slave"
well, to come back to the lmmor-
tals,' said the Doctor. you don't real
ly think, do you, that We have any
women immortals?"
"Of course, l do" replied the Idiot.
The world is full of them, and al
ways has been
Mr.. Brief, the Lawyer, tapped his
forehead significantly.
The Washington herald., 1914-01-04

I'm afraid that screw has come
loose again. Doctor" he said.
Looks that way" said the Doctor.
but wen tighten it up again in a
jiffy."
He paused moment, and then re-
sumed.
"WeIl. Mr.. idiot" he said, "of course
our ideas may differ on the subject of
what makes an Immortal. Now. |
should say that it is by their fruits
that ye shall know them"
"a highly original remark" observed
the Idiot, with a grin.
That aside" said the Doctor, cool
ly, '1efs take up, for purposes of dis
cussion, a few standards. In music,
Wagner was an Immortal and pro-
duced his great trilogy. In poetry,
Milton was an Immortal, and pro-
duced Paradise Lost In the drama,
Shakespeare was an Immortal, and
produced Hamlet, and, coming down
to our own time, let US grant the OBJ
vious fact that Edison is headed to-
ward Immortality because of his wiz
ardry in electricity"
"Sure thingr said the Idiot.
1T is good to have you grant all
say so readily" said the Doctor. Now
then-let me ask you where in all his
tory you find four women who in the
matter of their achievement, in the
demonstrated fruits of their labors,
even measurably approached any one
of these four l have mentioned:"
"Why, Doctor grinned the Idiot,
why ask me to steal candy from a
baby? Why suggest that I try to drive
a tack with sledgehammer, or cut a
mold of current jelly with the whir-
ring teeth OF buzzsaw-'
"Sparring for tinc as usual" cried
the Doctor, triumphantly. you can't
name one, and are simply trying to
asphyxiate us with that peculiar va
riety of natural gas for which you have
long been famous
I'll fill the roster with examples il
you'll sit and listen," said the Idiot
Il can match every male genius that
ever lived from Noah down to Jim
Ham Lewis with a woman whose prod
uct was OF equal If not even greater
value. Begin where you please-in any
century before or since the food, and
I'll be your huckleberry-Wagner, Mil
ton, Cromwell, Roosevelt, Secretary
Daniels, Kaiser Wilhelm. Methuselah,
Harry Thaw-" / don't care who or
what he is-I'll match him"
"All right said the Doctor. Sup
pose We begin low with that trifing
little frivoler in literature, William
Shakespeare
Good" cried the Idiot. He'll do
The Washington herald., 1914-01-04
to.py1sAt, las.,

RT OBSERVE with pain" said tn,
i Idiot, as he placed the Biblio
maniac's pat of butter under his tot
waffle, shat there Is more or les.
acrimonious dispute going on as to
lhe propriety of admitting women to
the Hall of Fame. The Immortals. al
ready in seem to think that immortal
ity belongs exclusively TO the male or
der of human beings, and that the word
is really 'Him-mortality,' and decline
to provide even strap for the ladies
= TO hang on in the cars leading to the
everlasting heights, all of which causes
me to rejoice that l am not an I'm
mortal myself. If the one durable joy
in life, the joy that. neither crooks nor
fades, association with the fair sexs a
diversion which age cannot wither nor
custom stale its infinite variety, is
something an Immortal must get along
without, it's me for the tall timbers of
fameless existence. l rejoice that /
am but plain, common-garden, every
: day mortal thing, ready for shipment,
{. o. b., for the last terminal station
on the road to that well-known Irish
settlement, Oblivion = g. "
4 didn't know that; you were such
al adrnirer of the fair sex, Mf. idiot"
said the Doctor MANY years resi-
dence in a. refined home for single gen
!lemen like this would seem to indi-
ate that the allarements of feminine
society were not for 'you.' .'
quite the contrary" said the
Idiot. 1T proves rather my interest
in the fair sex as whole. If | had
specialized sufficiently upon one sin
gle blessed damoZel with pink checks,
snappy brown eyes, and a pompadour
thar might strike a soaring lark as the
most desirable nest in the world. to
ask her to share my lot, and go halves
with me in an investment in the bonds
Of matrimony, it might have been
said-I even hope it would have been
said-that the allurements of feminine
society were not for me. Marriage,
my. dear Doctor, is no symptom that
man is interested in women. 1t is
merely evidence of the irresistible at
traction of one person for another. It's
like sampling box of candy-you may
The Washington herald., 1914-01-04

find the sample extremely pleasing and
gebble it up ferociously, but if you
were to gobble up the whole box with
equal voracity it might prove hateful
TO you. In my case, confess that !
am so deeply interested in the whole
box of tricks that it is the sample
fight shy of, and / have remained sin
gle all these years because my heart
is no measley one-horse-power affair
that beats only for one single indi-
vidual, but ninety-niillion horsepower
dynamo that wiiirls madly around day
and night, on time and overtime, on
behalf of all. l could not possibly
bring myself TO love only one pair of
blue eyes 10 the utter exclusion of
The Washington herald., 1914-01-04
QUESTION OF WOMEN
IN THE HALL OF FAME

black, brown, or gray; nor can / be
sure that if in some moment of weak
ness / were to tie up irrevocably to a
pair of black eyes, somewhere, some
day, with the moon just right, and GER
tain psychological conditions wholly
lpropitious, pair of corruscating brown
beads. set beneath two roguish eye
brows, would labor in vain to win a
curve of interest from my ascetic up
per lip To put it in the brief form of
cable dispatch, rather than in maga-
zine language at IS cents a word, l
Love EN- All! Blonde, brunette, or in
between, in every maid / see a queen,
as Shakespeare would have said if he
had thought of it." .-
That's rather promiscuous, isn't it,"
asked the Bibliomaniac.
mo, it's just playing safe, Mr.. Bib
said the Idiot ITS like a man with
million dollars to invest. II isn't con-
sidered quite prudent for him to put
every red cent of that million into one
single stock If he put his whole mil
hon Into U. S Hot Air. Preferred, at
E7-8, for instance, and some day Hot
Air became SO cheap that the. bottom
dropped out of the market, and the
stock fell to S3-S, that nan would
practically be a busted community
But if like wise man he divided his
little. million up into twenty $4,000
lots, and put each lot into some sepa-
rate stock or bond, the general aver
age would probably maintain itself
somewhere around par whether the
tariff on lyonnaise potatoes was re-
moved or not. So it is with my af-
fections. If | could invest them in
some such way as that i might have to
move. out OF here, and seek some pleas
ant lttle domestic Eden where mat
rimony is not frowned upon"
Il rather guess you would have to
move out of here" shifted Mrs. Ped
agog, the Landiady q might be will
ing to forego my rules and take
The Washington herald., 1914-01-04

who thinks about the matter at all
cannot resist the temptation to spec
ulate on how things might be if they
were different. The active man of
affairs these busy times needs many di-
verse things in the way of companion
ship. He needs helpmate along so
many different lines that no single
daughter of Eve can hope to supply
them all. For example, if man mar
ries a woman who is deeply interested
in Ibsen, and Bernard Shaw abroad,
and deep thinkers like Lincoln Stef-
fens and Norman Hapgood at home,
she no doubt makes him ecstat-
ically happy in those solemn mo-
ments when his mind wishes to
grapple understandingiy with the
infinite. But suppose that poor chap
comes home some night worn to a
The Washington herald., 1914-01-04

I'll just mark him of with Mrs
Shakespeare"
"What?' chuckled the Doctor. "Anns
Hathaway"
No. said the Idiot. Not Anno
Hathaway, but Shakespeare's mother"
"Oh, tushI' calculated the Biblio-
maniac, impatiently. What rotl A
wholly unknown provincial person of
whom the world knows about as much
as a beetle knows about Mars. What
on earth did she ever producer"
Shakespeare" said the Idiot, in an
impressive basso profundo tone that
echoed through the room like a low
rumble of thunder.
And silence fell upon that table SC
deep. so abysmally STILL that one could
almost hear the snowiakes falling
upon the trolley tracks sixteen blocks
away.
The Julesburg grit-advocate., 1914-01-08
Tug-Of.War

On Saturday evening, Jan. 10 the
members of the Juleshurg Business
Mems Association will engage. in a
Tug of War. James H. Parker will be
captain of one team consisting of
Luke Williams, J. E. Saunders, j. Le-
Roy Stratton, +. w. Jenkins, Basil
Scott, W. M, Hileman, C. w. White,
H, C. McNew o. P. Wilson, Phil Nc
Cormirk, w. T. Bower and H. H.
Hudson, while Ked Vance will be
captain of team consisting of Lloyd
Jenkins, Colon Scott, A. F. Perrier,
Roy T. Johnson, Grover LaSelle, Geo.
L. Vance. 2. N. Cleveland, Geo. H.
Thompson, J. H. Stone, G. A. Reed.
V. Deich, E. M. Kelsey These gen
tIemen will play respectfully, two
tables of billiards, of pool. of solo
and two of pitch. Scores will be care
fully kept as to the number of points
made by each individual and each team
And at the close of the evening. it will
be announced the team making the
largest number of points. This and
other amusements will be conducted
during the winter and will provide
healthy entertainment for the members
of the club.
The Julesburg grit-advocate., 1914-01-08
New Years Reception.

Probably no entainment given on
New Years day was more enjoy able
than the Open House and Smoker Civ
en- by the Julesburg Business Mems
Association.
The rooms were tastefully decorated
in red and green and the national colors
On the afternoon and until the wee
small hours of the morning, large
crowds were in attendonce and thor
oughIy enjoved themselves with the
various games and entertainment fur
nished by the Association.
Over 200 partook of the refresh.
ments served IN the afternoon ant
about the same number in the evening.
The refreshmert table was presided
over by A. J. Walrath and that is suf-
ficient recommendation that they were
all that could be desired.
In the evening. the visitors were
divided into two groups. the reds and
whites, with Jas. H. Parker and Ked
Vance as captains. Scores were care
fully kept as to tina number of points
made by each individual and at the
close of the evening. it was found that
the Reds had made 72 points and the
whites 67. Mr.. j. E. Saunders of Ovid
while belonging to the losing team,
The Julesburg grit-advocate., 1914-01-08
The visitors are Post-graduate team.
with the Sidney team playing here
was high man of the evening, winning
each one of the games played.
From Bulls to Babies.

From bulls to babies, the National
Western Stock Show to be held in Den
yer January 1924 will be the biggest
and most interesting exhibition of the
sort in all departments ever held in the
country, except in Chicago.
Oh, yes, there will be q baby show.
There. was such a department, of the
stock show last year, and it was great
success. But this year there have be en-
devised 80 many unique features for the
infant exhibition t.,at will eclipse last
years event by many degrees.
The babies will be judged right in the
ring in a glass case, in which they
may be nndressed without fear af TAX
ing cold. Each tiny entrant will be at
tended by trained nurse and will be
shown in natures clothes to the audi:
ence. The mental and physical condi-
ton of the babies will be examined into
thoroughly by skilled physicians.
The grand champion baby will win
$50 or trophy, as his parents may e.
lect. There will be 10 closes, includ-
ing kiddies from 18 to AZ months of
age. each class the first prise will be
$40, the second S., the third S.. and
the fourth ribbon. The grand cham
Pion baby may be found in any class.
There will be champion boy baby
and champion girl baby. The con-
petion is limited to Caucasian babies,
The Julesburg grit-advocate., 1914-01-08
Change in Public Schools in
SedRwick

An important change in school
matters was pade by the School
Board at Sedgwick last week. The
country school which has been op-
Grated in the past has been dis
continued and an additional teach
er has been employed in the town
school and the scholars will be
brought into the town school.
Miss Olive Pound has resigned
her school in District No. 8 and
has been engaged to teach the 9Th
and part of the 9Th grade.
Miss Olive has demonstrated
her ability as a teacher in her first
term and will no doubt be highly
successful in her more advanced
work.
The Julesburg grit-advocate., 1914-01-08
Colorado Good Roads Con.
vention

Colorado Springs will on January 1915
be the mecca for good road enthus-
lasts from all over the state. This is
not only on account of the fourth an
nual convention OF the Colorado Good
Roads Association which will be held
at that time. but also because of the
calls which have been issued for meet
ings on these dates of many other road
organizations of Colorado. Incident
ally the presence of the members of
these various organizations will un-
doubtedly lead to many interesting
discussions regaidinE the best and
most attractive routes thru the state.
In addition to the convention of The
Colorado Good Roads Association calls
have been issued for the following
meetings: The Colorado Association
of Commercial Executives: The Colo
rado to Gulf Highway Association: the
directors of the Lincoln Memorial
Highway Association of Colorado: The
Spanish Trail. Grand Canyon Highway
Association; The Rainbow Route As.
sociation, and special meeting of re-
representatives. from Boulder. Lxrimer.
Weld, Morgan ard other counties In
the northern and northeastern parts
of the state.
These organizations will also take
an active part in the discussions Of the
convention regarding the proposed half
mill state levey for good road purposes.
The need Of funds to construct state
wide system of highways is now be-
coming generally recognized all over
the state, and lively debates rs to the
advisability of bond issue or the half
mill levey are promised. Abill provid-
ing for half mill levey is row being
drafted and will be submitted to the
delegates at Colorado Springs.
1t is also expected that the reports
which will be made by the county COM
missioners as to the work of the paseed
year will be most interesting in that
they will show the grestprogress m ade
during 1913 in road building in Colo
RADIO.
The Julesburg grit-advocate., 1914-01-08
w. c. T. u. Note. .
Partial Poll Of the Press on Ma
tional Constitutional
Prohibition

The movement for National Consti.
tstioaal Prohibitien- 10 potent. It II
j not fad Of cranks and extremists. 1t
has the support of men of ability and
prominence. and there is atremendous
popular sentiment behind it. 1t can't
be ignored or brushed lightly aside.
1t VIII gather strength and momentum
with the passing of time, and it is going
to win. Modern progress has reached
the point where it will not tolerate the
debasing effect and promiscus traffic
IN intoxicants. and this sentiment will
take the concrete form of National
Prohibition. Nashville TENN Banner,
1t is entirely possible that the nation
will prohibit the saloon during this ad-
mlnistration. 1t is certain more and
more states will come to total prohibi-
bltlon. The saloon is doomed, and the
wise man will not waste his time quar-
rellng about it, nor will he long kick
against the pricks.-Des Moines Ia
Leader.
A resolution proposing a constitu-
tional amendment for National Prohi.
bltlon has been introduced into the
Senate. Absurd, do you say? Ridicu-
lous? Maybe so. But the prospects for
its adoption are a lot brighter than
were the prospects for the adoption
of the amendment for the direct elec.
ton of Senators twenty years ago.
Kansas City (Mo. Star.
And why not prohibition amend
ment to the Constitution? Already
there are nine states in this country
in which there is prohibition, and in
each of these states the law is in part
nulliied because of the importation of
liquors from other states. "Prohibi-
tion does not prohibit. say the op-
ponents of prohibition, and this is
made so in part because the liquor
forces press forward the sale of
liquor. When all this country is placed
on prohibition basis, then indeed it
will be possible to make prohibition
prohibit. and when this becomes true
we will have better people and bet
ter ccuntry.-Raleigh(N. c. Observer.
Doubtless there are many temperance
people who fear that Senator Sheppard
may be immoderately optomistic-and
he may be. So may Senators Borah,
Thompson, Owen, and others who ex-
pressed themselves. Nationwide pro-
hibition may not come as soon as these
gentlemen seem to expect it-and a.
gain. it may. Certainly it will come.
eventually. The fight has begun in
earnest and it will end in success,
whether the end be soon or late. The
prohibition wave, which the liquor in
.erests have been trying to convince
themselves and the public was reced-
ing, is rising higher and higher and
will ultimately sweep the whiskey traf-
fic from the United States. Bristol
lva.) Herald
The Julesburg grit-advocate., 1914-01-08
Round Up Week?

More than 400 editors in Colorado
Utah, Wyoming, New Mexico and
Montana have accept the the Dcnve,
Press Clubs invitation to attend the
Brand Iron' cinner to be held Jan.
uary 10Th at Denver. Eight hundred
and twenty-five newspapers in the
five stateshave joined the Round Up
week publicity campaign which means
that the editors in the Rocky Mountain
region are unit in the boosting of the
big midwinter carnival which will be
given under the direction of the Denver
Press Club.
The Press clubs carnival and the
stock show will be held jointly and will
attract 40, 600 to Denver during the
of January 10th and it will be up to
the Press Club to find and furnish en-
tertainment for thousands of pleasure
seekers. The railroads have made a
one fare rate for the round trip from
all Colorado points and a two cents a
mile rate from other Rocky Mountain
points.
During Round up week the Down
Town streets will be Illuminated and
there will be something doing every
minute in the. way of Merry making,
Champa Street from Fourteenth to
to eighteenth will be closed to vehicles
and given over to the maskers. The
big Auditorium will not accommodate
the crowds which will attend the Stock.
mems Masquerade ball and the Stock
mems smoker. The Press Club will
handle the overflow crowds by provid-
ing street entertainment with bands
of music at different corners for dan.
GERS.
The Julesburg grit-advocate., 1914-01-08

The Stockmen's smoker is to provide
entertainment for visiting cattlemen
and their friends end this event prom
ises one of the biggest public affairs
ever attempted in Denver.
The Denver Convention Association.
Sqriners, Motor Club. Denver Athletic
Club and almost every organization is
cooperating with the Denver Press
Club to make "Round up'' week one
of the biggest. carnivals of its kind
ever held in the Rocky Mountain Re-
gion.
The Julesburg grit-advocate., 1914-01-08
Advertised List

Mail remaining uncalled for at the
Julesburg Post Office for the month
ending Jan. lst. 1914.
Sr. Guillermo Comes.
Sr. Alfonso Comes.
Sr. Candelario Gomino.
Mr.. Axel Westlund.
Mr.. Axel Westlund.
Mr.. Peter Happel.
In calling for these letters please
say Advertised.
After 80 days these letters will be
sent to the dead letter office.
Finley Dye
p. NJ.