davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Williams news., 1914-09-10
WELL, HE MADE THEM LAUGH
Speaker at Banquet Intended to Be Humorous, and Quite Uncon.
 scIously He Was.

Henry returned from the dinner and faced his expectant wife with proud and smiling face.
 Yes, thank you. my dear," he said, in answer to her anxious inquiry. ''The dinner was most pleasant, and my speech was the success of the evening"
 "What did you, say, darling?"
 "Oh, well, I can't remember ex- actly, you know. But until spoke all the speeches had fallen rather flat, so thought would give them little humor. And succeeded, too! had hardly said more than six words when there was pleased giggle round the huge table In a few minutes I had them all rolling about with laughter, and when at last sat down the ap- plause was tremendous-trem
 At this point Henry removed his overcoat.
 T am glad your speech was such success, dear" answered his wife, dutifully. 'But next time you have to speak in public would 1t not be better to put waistcoat under your dress coat, especially when you wear a dickey?"
Williams news., 1914-09-10
The Guarantee,

William J. Burns. the famous de- tective, was talking in New York about the recent dropping of his name from the honorary list of Police chiefs.
 Tt is easy" MT. Burns said, "to read the significance of >that action. It's significance is evil. It relates to certain graft exposures on my part. Yes, it's significance is as evil as the clothier's guarantee.
 "A young fellow went to clothieR to buy a pair of flannel pants.
 The last pair got here shrunk,' he said I was caught in the rain in them, and they shrunk something ter. rible. Do you guarantee that these won't shrink? .f
 Young Jfeller,' said the dealer, T guarantee them up to the hilt. Why. every fire hose in New York but thrse has squirted on them pants
Williams news., 1914-09-10
Picklina Timber.

Timber experts have discovered that timbers thoroughly soaked in the brine of the great Salt Lake of Utah are very slow to decay. Filling which was driven into the bed of the lake over forty years ago is still in perfect condition because the timber is thor oughly impregnated with salt. It has been suggested that timbers may be soaked in the waters of the lake and then be thoroughly covered with creo- sote to keep in the salt and keep out the moisture. Sea water does not have the same preservative influence on timber because 1t is not nearly so salty as that of the Salt Lake.-The American Boy.
Williams news., 1914-09-10
BOXING TAUGHT AT COLLEGE
Several of Big Educational Institutions Follow Example of University of
 Pennsylvania.

columbia university, Franklin and Marshall and several others of the big educational institutional are following the lead of the University of Pennsyl- vania in introducing boxing among the methods of physical training. A few years ago such an idea would have been bitterly opposed, and there would have been small chance of its adop- tion. But times change, and peo- pie grow more broad-minded every day. There is no question of the bene- lit of a knowledge of boxing as a means of self-defense. Anyone doubt ing this can get the proof instantly by undertaking to impose on a man who is skilled boxer, even if he is a much smaller person. But the best use for boxing is as a means of healthful exercise. In learning to box the student learns to act quickly, to keep cool and to watch for an opening. He finds that in order to successfully cope with an opponent he must not lose his temper. The man who loses his temper while boxing is sure to get the worst of it. Outside of swimming there is no exercise to com pare with boxing for complete use of the muscles of the body, and, of course, swimming cannot be enjoyed except in the water. Boxing, being a competitive exercise, is superior to swimming through the fact that the nerves as well as the muscles are exercised in the sparring bout Quick ness of the eye is one of the things that come with constant practise of boxing. The lungs are expanded and every muscle from the top of the head to the soles of the feet is brought in-
Williams news., 1914-09-10
DISAPPEARED Coffee AiIs Vanish Before Postum.

It seems almost too good to be true, the way headache, nervousness, insomnia, and many other obscure troubles vanish when coffee is dis missed and Postum used as the regu- lar table beverage.
 The reason is clear. Coffee con- tains a poisonous drug-caffeine- which causes the trouble, but Postum contains only the food elements in choice hard wheat with a little mo- lasses.
 Phila. man grew enthusiastic and wrote as follows:
 Until IS months ago I used coffee regularly every day and suffered from headache, bitter taste in my mouth, ana indigestion; was gloomy and irri. table, had variable or absent appetite, loss of flesh, depressed in spirits, etc.
 T attribute these things to coffee, because since I quit it and have drank Postum I feel better than I had for 20 years, am less susceptible to cold, have gained 20 lbs. and the symptoms have sappeared-vanished before Postum."
 Name given by Postum Co.,, Battle Creek, Mich. Read "The Road to Wellville,' in pkgs.
 Postum comes in two forms:
 Regular Postum-must be well boiled. 15c and 25c packages.
 Instant Postum-is a soluble pow der. A teaspoonful dissolves quickly in cup of hot water and, with cream and sugar, makes a delicious bever- age instantly. 800 and 50c tins.
 The cost per cup of both kinds is about the same.
 There's . Reason" for. Postum.
 sold by Grocerk
Williams news., 1914-09-10
In Demand.

A Louisville man tells of an incident during the sessions held in his city of gates from all the states. In answer to the roll-call of the states reports were verbally given by the various state chairmen. When Texas was called big man stepped into the aisle and in stentorian tones exclaimed: We represent the imperial state of Texas. The first white woman born in Texas is still Hving-she has now a population of over three million '' Whereupon a voice from the gallery cried out in clarion tones: Send that woman to Idaho-we need her."
Williams news., 1914-09-10

| So the Great Beaver tossed up the ball. Before it could come to the l ground the flying squirrel sprang from his tree and caught it. Then he ran up to the very top of the tree on which he had lighted and threw the ball to the Great Eagle.
 | Back and forth in the air went the ball, while the animals down below ran round and round wondering how they were to get chance at it. From the Great Eagle the ball was tossed to the hawk, and when the hawk had car ried it half way to the goal he passed it to the bat. Now, the bat had just got his wings that morning-the birds had made them for him out of some thin pieces of groundhog skin which had been stretched over the head of drum-and he was not quite used to them.
 | As the bat darted and lodged through the air his new wings got tangled in his hind feet and he had to drop the ball in order to get them loosened.
 Now we have the balli" cried the Great Bear, running like the big, clumsy fellow he was. He stopped for | just second to shout over his shoul- der to the Great Terrapin, who was i coming close behind:
 T will carry it half way. and then will toss the ball to you!" But while the bear was speaking these words, the fork-tailed martin came straight down from far above the tree-tops like swift arrow, and darted | upon the ball. As the martin rose from the ground with the ball he just had room to get past the big mouth of the rushing bear.
 All day the ball game went on, and, as the sun was going down, the Great Beaver said that the birds had won. And when all the birds came to the place of roosts for the night the Great Eagle wouldn't let them go to sleep until they had found good reward for the martin who had saved the ball for them.
 And the best reward they could think of was to give the martin gourd for nest, and he was so proud of it that he has kept it to this day.
Williams news., 1914-09-10
Unreasonable.

George Bernard Shaw is one of the few vegetarians who have remained true to the faith, and in recent letter to woman, representing her for her fight against the aigrette when she still ate meat, MT. Shaw said:
 '3The lack of logic prevails every where! We call the tiger ferocious and ravaging beast, but what would you ladies be called if, for example, the lamb chop had voice?"
Williams news., 1914-09-10
UNION MIGHT BE POSTPONED
Matter-of-Fact Serelda's Two GoSd Reasons for Hesltatins About
 Setting the Day.

The Blanks maid of all work was . practical young woman of about twenty-seven years. One day when her mistress was making some plans for the future the matter-of-fact Serelda said:
 q don't know, ma'am. It might be that I won't be with you much longer, an then mebbe I will. I ain't surs yet"
 Knowing that a young man had called a good many times to see Sc relda, her mistress said:
 Are you thinking of getting mar ried, Serelda?"
 Without the least show of embar rassment or enthusiasm Serelda said: Well, yes, to tell the truth, I am Then again don't know If will. I've got good place here with good pay, and he's such fool mebbe I'll stay on with you!"
Williams news., 1914-09-10

Copyright, by Mcclure Newspaper Syndi-
 cate.)
 Long time ago, the fork-tailed martin used to build their gourd-like nests under the caves of the council house. And that was very convenient place, too-both for the martins, who liked to live close to the people, and for the little Indian boys, who liked to watch the birds sweeping and flashing in the air.
 Sometimes one of the boys who was not satisfied with watching the birds in the air would climb to the caves and bring down one of the nests. And if he waited until after the young mar. tins had gone away, it was all right Then one of the old men would tell the boys why the martins nest was like gourd.
 It happened at the time of the first ball game between the birds and the four-footed animals.
 On one side, the Great Bear was the captain of the players, and for the birds the Great Eagle was leader; and for many days before the game the big animals went about the earth say ing what good ball players they were. But the Great Eagle told the birds that they must not boast; and it was be. cause they did not boast that the little bat and the tiny flying squirrel joined the birds and helped to win the game.
 We'll, the game was played in a smooth meadow beside the river, and it began early in the morning, when the dew was fresh and sparkling on the grass. Out in the center of the meadow stood the Great Beaver ready to toss the ball. He looked toward the Great Bear and asked if he was ready, and the Great Bear said:
 The game may as well begin" The Great Bear spoke in sort of tired way, as if it was really no use to go on, but he supposed that the birds would not be satisfied until the animals showed them how much better they were. And then the Great Beaver asked the Great Eagle if the birds were ready.
 We have just seen the edge of the sun coming over the tree-tops," said the Great Eagle, land we are ready to play"
Williams news., 1914-09-10
A. WeII-Deserved Rebuke.

There is a certain kind of smart ness' which any boy may well avoid if he hopes to be really smart.
 Bob, says Lippincott's Magazine, is a shrewd and quick-witted old negro janitor of one of the New England colleges, who is thoroughly liked by all the students. One day he had burned off some of the dead grass in the college campus, when a freshman came along, and said:
 Well, Bob, that grass is just the color of your face"
 "Yes, sah," said Bob, suavely; but dat don't matter. In about three weeks it'u be jes' de color O yo' face"
Williams news., 1914-09-10
Couldn't Corner Him,

Count" said the lady in the for. eign nobleman at the charity bazaar. won't you buy this rose. It is only s5."
 q am very sorry" said the count. with courtly bow. "but the price is . leetle too high"
 The lady kissed the rose. "And now. count, will you buy it?"
 No, madame" he said, with stin deeper bow. Now ze rose is price less."'
Williams news., 1914-09-10

to play. One of the things which tend to keep many parents from having their boys taught to box is the idea that it will make them rough and overbearing in their manner, but the exact opposite is the rule, for it is very rare that clever boxer is a bully. Should such be the fact it is natural to the lad and does not come through study of the manly art.
Williams news., 1914-09-10
A Doubtful Statement.

Ma, would like to have donkey. Did anybody ever give you donkey for present?"
 "Yes, child, your father did when he married me-"
Williams news., 1914-09-10
WOULD MAKE A POLITICIAN
Little WiIIie's Capacity for Sticking te One Idea SinguIarIy Like Way
 of Rabld Partisan.

'The late Adlai B. Stevenson" said a Republican leader of Bloomington. hadn't, after all much use for poll tics. He once explained to me why this was.
 He said that party politicians be- lieved their side to be always right, and the other side to be always wrong. Whatever the other side advocated, 1t was hossible and internal; whatever their own side advocated was holy.
 "He said the partisan couldn't un- derstand that you might arrive at the the right thing by more ways than one-and thus the partisan was like the urchin whose teacher salu:
 Willie, what does six plus four maker"
 Eleven
 No. Try again
 "Twelve.'
 "'No.'
 Thirteen
 No, no, no. You're just guessing. But why couldn't you have guessed that six plus four makes ten?"
 Because 1t don't make ten,' said Willie. Five and five makes ten-I remember that"
Williams news., 1914-09-10
The Difference.

man whose income is $500 year or over is entitled to be called a gen. tleman in England. A man who earns that much is entitled to be called gentleman in America
Williams news., 1914-09-10
Amazing Case.

''Is there anything special in the case?" asked the reporter of the bank president whose cashier had stolen $17.
 "Yes," unused the president, you may say that we did not trust him implicitly"
Williams news., 1914-09-10

Try Murine Eye Remedy for Red, Weak, Watery just Eye Comfort Write for Book of the Eve by mail Free. Murine Eye Remedy Co., Chicago.
Williams news., 1914-09-10

Don't be rnisled Ask for Red Cross Bag Blue. Makes beautiful white clothes. At all good grocers. Adv.
Williams news., 1914-09-10

The wise wife increases her hold on her husband by holding her tongue oc- casionally.
Williams news., 1914-09-10

Makes the laundress happy-that's Red Cross Bag Blue. Makes beautiful, clear white clothes. All good grocers. Adv.
Williams news., 1914-09-10

The Great Moving Picture. Knicker-Been to the movies? Bocker-Well, looked at map of EllrOna
Williams news., 1914-09-10

Many man fails to get there be cause he never starts.
Williams news., 1914-09-10

Tunis is reviving cultivation of the date palm.
Williams news., 1914-09-10
Ought to Feel Tired.

Bobbie-Don't you feel tired, MT. Bibble?
 Guest-No, Robbie. Why do you
Williams news., 1914-09-10

Robbie pa said he met you last night and you were carrying an awful load.
Der Deutsche correspondent. [volume] (Baltimore, Md.) 1841-1918, 1914-12-06

SOH NluraeH %Ormittaa n6 mer0en
iuir Den 9ieit nnieres 2ascrs in @in
tersgIn5iiaen Fir 6errea Stnnbeu nub
GinOer Offeriren ST
Evening times-Republican. [volume] (Marshalltown, Iowa) 1890-1923, 1914-03-06

Bread and doughnut sale Saturday
at Sinclairs store. Presbyterian Ladies.
Fancy bloater mackerel also, 10 and
Is cent size. George c McCord, west
end grocer.
Fancy bloater mackerel also, 10 and
Is cent size. George c McCord, west
end grocer.
st. Elizabeth's Society will hold an
exchange Saturday at the Palace shoe
observation-disclosures
]. w. johnson, of Liscomb, who has
been here for few days, returned to
Liscomb this morning.
st. Margaret's Mission will hold an
exchange, Saturday afternoon. at the
James Skegg store. 1913 East Main
Observation-Disclosures l.
When you spend good money you are
entitled to get good goods in return.
Are you using Cameo breakfast cocoa!
Ask the cook-Advertisem
How about that feed hopper and
those fountains you are going to get
Come quick while they last, they are
going some. Brown, 8 West State.
Mrs. Morgan's division of the Con-
gregational aid will hold a popcorn ball
exchange Saturday at E. X. Lays and
Miller's jewelry store commencing at l
o'clock. Committee.
--~-~-----------
Forty members of the Woodmcn OF
the World and Woodnlen Circle sur
prsed Mr.. ard Mrs. w. B. Ferries at
their home, 40 State street THURSDAY
evening. Games and music furnished
the enterta,nme and an oysted sup
per was serTed
AS a surprise to her husband, Mrs
R. H. Spratt, entertained twenty-one
friends at their home, West Nortn
street, Thursday evening. The atfan
was in celebration OF Mr.. Spratts
birthday anniversary, and most en-
joyable evening was spent in an IN
formal social way with games and mu-
sic Assisted by Mrs. Clifford Jen-
nines and Mrs. Charles Roupe the
hostess served refreshments.
Evening times-Republican. [volume] (Marshalltown, Iowa) 1890-1923, 1914-03-06

Railway Company. was. About TO 80
before the jury in Judge Nichols court
at Toledo Thursday afternoon, word
from the railroad headquarters direct
ed the attorney to settle tho case. Mrs.
Flynn was paid $4,000 and the railroad
company Is to pay certain OF the costs.
Flynn, who was a roadmastcr for the
railroad company. was killed In 1910
in the local yards. when his railway
velocipede was struck by switch en-
CINE.
Mrs. Flynn who now lives In Cannon
Falls, MIMI, brought suit for $2S.00o
Evening times-Republican. [volume] (Marshalltown, Iowa) 1890-1923, 1914-03-06
Now located - Masonic Temple
rooms, 400 to AL. DR.. Ralph d. Keyser.

Now located Masonic Temple.
rooms. 400 to All. Dr.. Ralph =. Keyser.
Cameo breakfast cocoa is pure, tell
the cook" to ask the grocer.-Adver-
tisement.
Cottage cheese. this is really the
best. 1t came this morning. and we
| suggest you phone 8 at once for some.
Sanitary Grocery.
Ladies. come and hear Mrs. Oner
8. Dow, Of Dies Moines, on missions
tomorrow at the NJ. E. church, $3.50
p. m.-Advertisement.
st. Margarets Mission will hold an
| exchange. Saturday afternoon, at the
James Skegg store, 1928 East Main
STANDARDIZATION
Cameo breakfast cocoa Is sold by
grocers. In 10 and rs cent packages.
Talk it over with your money and buy
the Observation-Disclosures.
Thomas Gilmore, of st. Anthony,
| who was operated for empyema at
the Deaconess hospital few days ago,
is making very good progress toward
recovery.
I .
Thursday night to visit her parents.
Mr.. and Mrs. M D. Bradley. Mrs.
Basham's mother, who is very old is
seriously ill OF rheumatism.
The home q: Mr.. and Mrs. Frank NJ.
! Haradon, 400 East Church street, which
has been under quarantine for diptheria
was released today. Mrs. Haradon, who
suffered a slight attack has recovered.
Russell Sargent, of Eldora, who sub
mitted to mastoid operation at the
! Deaconess hospital last week, was able
to leave the hospital Thursday and will
visit friends in the city before return
ing home.
Mrs. w. R. Lancaster Of Liscomb.
who was operated Tuesday at the Dea-
I coness hospital for gall stones, and has
since been suffering from acute dila-
1 ton of the stomach. due to the anes-
thetic, is better today, altho she is
not considered out Of danger.
| The body of Crawford Reed, who
died Tuesday right at the home of his
son, DR.. b. H. Reed, 401 East Main
street, was taken to Chelsea. and from
there to Haven, Tama county. for
burial this forenoon. The funeral was
held at Haven at 2 o'clock this after
noon. Dr. and Mrs Reed and other
/ relatives accompanied the body.
Mrs. c. A. Carlson entertained forty
members of the Ladies' Aid Society of
the Swedish Lutheran church Thurs
day afternoon at the parsonage. After
! the routine business an enjoyable pro-
gram of music and readings furnished
the afternoons entertainment, and re-
| freshments were served by the hostess
Mrs. Charts Holmberg and Mrs. John
stolberg, of Des Moines, We're out of
| town guests.
| When you find grocery store that
carries complete and select line of
| such high grade coffees as the follow
| ing, you will find grocery that appre-
ciates your orders and tries to serve
YOU best, with the. best. Coffees and
teas such as Chocolate Cream, Golden
| Days. Bistons. Forbes, Red Rose,
Wisco. and others Phones AS and
LASS reach this grocery. The Star Gro
! Gerry Company.
Evening times-Republican. [volume] (Marshalltown, Iowa) 1890-1923, 1914-03-06
SCOTTISH WOODEN MILLS
A Carefully Devised System Of Bringing
the Goods From the MIL Thru Our
Tailor Shop and Placing Them on
Your Body, With Least Possible Ex-
penss,

Did you know that when you buy
ready made suit you usually pay an
exorbint proit. You help pay inter
est on their stock with their many
made up sizes, you help pay for their
bad accounts. as they do credit bust
ness and you help pay for their less
on broken sizes
The Scottish Wooden Mills does not
have to have a large profit on their
clothes. Our clothes are not made un-
til they are ordered, we have no broken
sizes or out of date shelf worn goods.
We carry no bad accounts, for we do
a cash business Therefore we are en-
abled to sell for less profit than any
other merchant. You get the benefit.
Our clothes are made to your meas
ure for $15 10 more no less.
SCOTTISH WOODEN. MILLS,
Evening times-Republican. [volume] (Marshalltown, Iowa) 1890-1923, 1914-03-06
The star Grocery Company.

The J. G. Carter grocery has been
purchased by E. E. Kendall, W. c.
Hines, and Hal Graham. These men
are all we'll known in the grocery bus
mess of this city. The new firm will
be known as the Star Grocery Com
pany. This store is under the old man
agement of e. e. Kendall. Mr.. Kendall
will operate the store under the old
policy. The many patrons and friends
Of these gentlemen are advised their
business is solicited The Star Grocery
Company, IA East State street.
Evening times-Republican. [volume] (Marshalltown, Iowa) 1890-1923, 1914-03-06

damages In TamA county. The case
was tried before Judge Nichols. and
the jury returned q verdict for 3l0..
600. The case was appealed. and 70.
versed by the supreme court on the
lack Of authority OF the administrator
to assign to the widow tho right Of &C.
ton.
Retrial Of the case. also before judge
Nichols. began at Toledo Tuesday. and
continued thru Wednesday ano
Thursday. Tho Jury had been an
structed Thursday and was ready 70
retire when word was received author-
izing settlement.
Evening times-Republican. [volume] (Marshalltown, Iowa) 1890-1923, 1914-03-06

pulmonary tuberculosis Because Of her
condition her husbands mother. Mrs.
Mary Dunn. OF this city. left Tuesday
for Anaheim.
Mrs. Pierce was about p years old.
and became the wife Of Mr.. Pierce
about ten years ago The couple has
one son. years old. Mr.. Pierce was
formerly employed as linotype oper-
ator on the Times -Republican.
Evening times-Republican. [volume] (Marshalltown, Iowa) 1890-1923, 1914-03-06
HYOMfl RELIEVES
in five Minutes
You Breathe It

II your head is all stuffed up from q
cold or catarrh, you suffer with dull
headaches and seem lacking In vitality,
or are constantly smiling and cough
Ing. YOU need a remedy that will give
IA quickest, most effective and lasting
relief possible something that will 60
Yixht to the spot, clear the head and
throat and end your misery.
surely use Hyomei-all druggists sell
It. I. Is s..t such a remedy, ana ID ena
tirely harmless and pleasant to use
you breathe it-no stomach dosing.
The antiseptic oils of Hyomei mix
With the air you breathe-its health
givfng medication Immediately reaches
the sore and inflamed mucous MEM
beene.-you feel better In 1--WE minutes
e II practically Impossible to use
Hyomel and not only be relieved but
1eyshsnshteds Your money re-
ianAod r. you are not satisfied. Ask for
- oo6eaoes eutnt LEO sise.-Adv.
Evening times-Republican. [volume] (Marshalltown, Iowa) 1890-1923, 1914-03-06

Yes, we have Jackson's milk and
cream in bottles, fresh every day.
phone 8. Sanitary Grocery.
Evening times-Republican. [volume] (Marshalltown, Iowa) 1890-1923, 1914-03-06

Roy, the s-year-old son Of Mr. and
Mrs r. e. LAndquist at Laurel. had
adenoids and tonsils repoved Thursday
Mt ST. Thomas hospital.
Evening times-Republican. [volume] (Marshalltown, Iowa) 1890-1923, 1914-03-06

Mrs. 8. s. Arnold, Of Des Moines
arrived in the city this morning Tor a
short visit with her parents, Mr.. and
Mrs Edmund Tuffree.