The Washington herald., 1914-03-15

When a butcher can make pig-pork
out of old hog why can't the buyer Of II
make 81 out of 40 cents?
When I go to vote feel sure that half
the candidates are dishonest and the
other half waiting for a chance TO be.
Therefore, there is no chance tor me to
be disappointed.
When the wise men talk economy they
don't mention the fact that II costs this
creases pressed in its trousers legs, and
that they are OF about as much use as
whiskers on gste-post.
1t is easy to figure that If each Of your
sixteen Leghorn hens lay two eggs per
day the total will he thirty-two eggs
but the puzzle comes in when you go to
the coop three days running and don't
find a darned egg.
IL the Ohio county treasurer who
thought he was a dofaulter to the amount
OF $50 and committed suicide over L
had called in an expert he would have
discovered that he was really $50 to the
honest good Don't be In two big a hurry
to get to heaven.
Give things a chance and they will
even up. My neiRhbor sued me for
keeping a barking dog. and the suit was
not yet decided when he had to abandon
his own home on account of his wife's
singing.
One reason for so many business fail
ures is that many men fail to start
out right by putting on double fire in
surance and keeping everything in the
wife's name.
One of the best men l ever knew called
a: the house of man who had been
run through cOncrete-mIXer and told
the remains that they looked just as
presentable as If they had been reduced
by pile-driver. II encouraged the vic
tim to die happily.
A German savant has spent seven years
trying to find cut why the mule Is so
ready to kick. but hasn't hit the solution
yet Easy as pie. Tho mule knows that
everybody is going TO kick him. and he
aims TO get in the first bat.
! have been told that YOU can Judge
a mans character by his whiskers.
Mebbe ITS so, but it was an old chap
with venerable whiskerS who stole my
dog; II was a man with BuTnsides who
picked my pocket: il WAS man with a
goatee VIII" highway robbed me. and II
was a chap with a mustache that | found |
in my house at midnight. ! doubt II YOU
can tell by the hair on a dog whether
he will bite or run.
When a mar has got to feeling that
there is nothing more i'm life for him.
then he gets even with the rest Of US by
a bliZzardous old winter or
sizzling hot summer. Dark as the futur,
may look. there is always one last hope. ,
hired Deacon Wheeler to hoe corn fer |
ne because ] saw him bust his suspenders |
N hoeing his own. In working for me |
ne put in about five hours a day and |
made Special arrangements with the sun !
- 60 down two hours earlier than usual |
Il makes difference whose cornfelG it is. |
In marrying. no young couple take |
nto consideration the fact that the day
must come when they will get over being !
ialf-fools and have little common
sense When that day arrives they are
'eady to seek a lawyer and apply for a
iivnrce on The grounds of incompatibiIity
II temper.
Elder Travers found his dog dcad in
he road and spent eleven years wonder
ng who poisoned it, Then il transpirpd
hat the canine was run over by a farm
RS wagon The Elder could have raL
leven dogs in those eleven years bUt
h" thought never seemed To occur Ic
i'm.
My wife and the wife Of a nefshhor
uarreled over the question: Should
Dung baby he fed apple sass or prunes"''
nd they didn't speak to each other for
even long years. Then doctor told
hem that both had heCn wrong and il
Nok tn" State nf Massachusetts 4 wear
fter that TO get tipped back On a level
eel. ,
We read that before Noah sailed with
is Ark he drove into 1t male and
emale of every species "f animal on
arth. As America was not discovered
fI.,VV