New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1914-12-06
BY NORRIS WADE

for SPAWN in Hoses YOU being at the mead OF
the government and aught 20 use al! ciueEol9
IN helm the poore farming class OF tins JislTSSS
i.,d have a fine mar that have spawn. one
has had IL for fourc years. have tride every
thing for il | could here OF. l have eNainih
good many Ferrers some say 1t Is incuaole 3yillo
give remydis but all in vane AltGr conSiuc,-
ing the matter have determin TO ADDRESS Oh on
The spbiecl TO see If thar be any rimidy IN rech
NJ the poore farmer in the United states
Pese put this TO the House % see II mat Is any
ri-,idv or not or any information wren VIII DC
thankfully received on the subject
Droll enough was the brief note received
from a woman dcpositor by bank IN Len
yer:
GExrLENEN.- Please stop payment on the
check | wrote out to-day as l accidentaIiy
burned 1t up.
Some wears ago a German farmer visited
an orphan asylum in New York state ana
took from it on probation boy with the eX,
pcctation Of keeping him until he attained
his majority if he proved satisfactory. That
he was somewhat disappointing was eyl-
dcnccd by the following letter received by
the superintendent Of the asylum two months
later:
To THEM WHAT KEEPS THE ORPHN ASMUM
Nadame-The boy what got OF Orpin asilun
what was a good boy takin' him on two muntS
tryal, being poor man since your indenSurc Tor
. keep him. but when got my money paid he
turned hisself, and became rite bad bcin indie
pendent and disobligin and lys and was hooken
and thicvin in Scllar and pantry and buttery
and film hissclf when - amt no time % eat an
plenty an good on my table and gets sick and
needs a hssckin witch cost money and me a
poor man. and when he took with itch an set
all my family TO scratchin witch amt no wise
pleasant and we amt used 20 1t and so want
YOU should send for him and money 20 pay eN-
pcnshes which if you don't rite soon send him
bv sailin vessel Of friend of mine and YOU have
to pay him or | get the law on YOU and my
money back. so am yourcs attccshcnuentley'
an YOU better make hast or you be sure get
the law on you an spake bad Of your asilum.
One will find a real flow Of language" in
the following note sent to public school
teacher by the mother Of one Of her pupils:
DEAR Miss BLANK trust that you will
pardon Alciones wholly unavoidable absence
Yesterday. Circumstances are not always con-
tr0llablc by our finite minds as YOU are no
doubt aware. We are all subject % immutaDle
laws and are constantly doing that which we
would no,-alas! Therefore Alcione unayoid-
able absence.
\ physician once sent to the address Of one
of his patients 4 bill for personal services,
and within ten days the bill came back TO
him with this written on the reverse side:
DEER SUR. this noat was put in my box by
mistake | haint the man hcc's ded and ain Z
any relation Of mine. | don't see how your
conchcns will let you dun the ded. Why don't
you try 90 live a better cristun life and try 10
meat that man who ddc in heaven which Is
worth more than forty dollars 90 any doctor.
\ native postman on the gold coast Of
Africa went in bathing with some rather /
unexpected results, which he set forth in a
letter sent 90 his postmaster:
DEAR MASTER. | have the pleasure TO regret |
% inform you that when | go bath this morn
ing billOW he remove my trOuscr. Dear mas
ter. how can go on duty with only one trouscr;
If he get lost, where am [; Kind write Assra
that they send one trouscr so | catch him and
go on duty. Good day. Sir, my lord, how arc
YOU; Your loving corporal. J. ADDIE.
One Of the employees on q sugar estate in
the West Indies sent his master the follow
ing note announcing his intention OF becom-
ing q benedict:
VENERABLE MAssA AND NENEERED MIsSIS,
specs soon 20 get spiiccd. as the creature in
tend 20 make the future Mrs. Brown is begin
ming 90 get very good intentions.