davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1914-03-10

Ambitious.-A dusky porter Of re-
ligious inclinations was employed in
a downtown brokerage office. His
name was Sam.
One day he thought it was about
time he had had a raise, so he pre-
sented himself to the boss, cleared
his throat, and began little Grafton
he had prepared. Pardon me, sub,
for interruptin you, sub, but 1 find
that with this here high cost of livin',
and endeavorin' to keep up my regu-
lar church contributions, can't sup
port my family. 1 just got to have
more money, slh."
! The great man grinned.
We'll, SAM" he said, Il see your
trouble and I'll give you that raise,
but remember, it is far better to give
than to receive"
II knows that, boss" replied Sam,
but / likes to get on that reception
committee mahself once in a while"
New York Evening Post.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1914-03-10
Humorous department.

He Kept the Oay.-"Say, you,' said
the policeman, as he crossed the street
to head off a tramp that had just
been driven away from basement
door, what's up around here?
"I can't tell you." was the reply.
There's something loose around
here, but what it is I don't know.
Nor l."
Were you asking for something to
eat back there?"
"I was. I braced UP to the COOK
and asked for a hand-me-out. ana
after looking me over, she says:
"Do you keep Sunday, sir?
81 surely does, says /.
".Why do we have Sunday
"Ah, see," said the officer. you
couldn't tell her that"
But 1 did, your honor"
What did you tell herr"
why, what should I say except II
was because Christopher Columbus
discovered Ameri3a. She went Tor
the broom and then went for me, and
IL YOU can tell me where the joke
comes in I'd like to hear it. don't
want to go around having my feelings
hurt this way."-Baltimore Ameri-
can.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1914-03-10
Home News From a Tory.-Is it not

Home News From Tory.-Is it not
the fault of Europe, and England in
particular. that the United States is
so braggart and so offensive in her at
titude to all peoples? You sent here
man called Bryce, who did his puny
best to add more to the vanity of
Americans by his nauseous praises
and batteries. Thank God, he's gone!
Then Europe has an idea that the
United States is a military power.
Why, my dear sir, there never was n
bigger mistake. The Unite dStates
will never, never fight any people
who will fight back. She is scared
half to death of Japan, and if Japan
knew her own good she would give
the United States a real good fright
by threatening war.
Do you know why the United States
has not interfered in Mexico-the real
reason? Why, because she has neith-
er the men nor the arms. A silly
story was spread in Indianapolis, Ind,
that Pedagogue Wilson was going to
fight and that the militia was to be
called out. Every man jack in one
company resigned, and the man who
uttered the report was punished Sc
verely in order to restrain total de-
sertiop.
Why. my dear sir, Americans won't
fight unless they know they can es-
cape free of hurt No man in the
world is more careful Of his carcass
than an American. Fight! Bless, you
they are not a nation of fighters, but
of grafters, petty larceny, thieves and
wholesale robbers. If England growl-
ed gently at the United States there
would be such a scurry to cover that
| it would be pitiable. The United
States fight. Yes. Porto Rico or
Nicaragua.-London Outlook.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1914-03-10
The MARRIAGE Admonition.-The

The Marriage Admonition.-The fol-
lowing report of a marriage ceremony
is taken from the Cottonwood Falls
Leader of 40 years ago: The marri-
age ceremony was performed by a
Cottonwood Falls ]. p, who admon-
ished the bride and groom as follows:
Therefore, by virtue Of the author
ity vested in me by the state of Kan
sas. and the rules and regulations
governing the land office at Salina, I
pronounce you man and wife. Who
ever 1 have joined in wedlock let no
man put asunder. 1 charge you to
be true to each other. True love in
Kansas is as scarce as honest men
in our legislature. Be always true and
loving to one another, take a home
stead or piece of railroad land with
a spring on it (my partner, Bill Smith,
knows where there is n good piece,)
and you will be comparatively happy.
Amen"
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1914-03-10

Cites a Queer Preeedent-Mr. JUS
tice Holmes has the reputation of
citing more peculiar cases from the
old law books than any other mem
Der of the supreme court. He dug
up an additional one some time ago,
to the amusement Of his associates,
when 1t was contended in libel suit
that the declaration was insufficient
because the offences were not stated
properly.
That leads me to recall case in
the old books" said the justice, where
an indictment set forth that the ac-
cused struck a man on the head,
splitting the skull until portion fell
down on either shoulder, and the
court held the indictment defective
because it did not allege that the man
was killed" The justice observed
that it was a hairsplitting decision,
and he didn't intend it as pun,
either.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1914-03-10
Carhartt Overalls---

I SELL CARHARTT OVERALLS,
and 1 KNOW that CARHARTT Over
alls are the BEST sold on this mar
ket. Know it by personal experience
and by the testimony Of others. CAR
HARTT Overalls sell a little higher
than other Overalls and they ARE
WORTH MORE. CARHARTT Over
|alls are made of the BEST Denim, un-
adultrated-New, thoroughly we'll
made. Have all sizes-Pants and also
the Jackets. If you want the BEST
try pair of CARHARTT Overalls.
FLOUR
I sell FLOUR at $3.50 to $500 per
100 Pounds. Now don't get the idea
that my $3.50 Flour is just Flour-It
is way yonder better than most Of
the Flour you pay $2.75 and $500 for,
and rny $500 Flour is as good as Mr..
Anybody's BEST. Try Sack. The
Flour will present the evidence.
Phone me your Grocery orders.
A. D. DORSETT
Charlotte St. Yorkville, S. C..
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1914-03-10
All In the Right PIace.-Jack Lor

All In the Right PIace.-Jack Lon
don, the novelist, was contrasting the
acouittal of a millionaire manufactur-
er on a planting charge
with the severe sentence imposed on
a poor editor for too strongly cham
pioning the Patterson strikers.
1.-The rich are overleniently dealt
with in our courts" he said, "and the
poor are overharshly dealt with. This
will keep on until the American peo-
pie come to respect only honest wealth
till they come to regard all wealth
gained through trickery and deceit as
the Englishman did.
This Englishman, at a dinner in
New York, hailed with delight the
conviction by the courts Of an Amer
lean who had stolen millions by means
of bogus mines.
But a friend Of the criminal heav-
ed a sigh and said:
Poor old Charlie! His hearts in
the right place, anyway"
Yes said the Englishman, and
so, thank heaven, is the rest of him
for the next four years.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1914-03-10

Settled the Bet.-'I woke up sud-
denly the other night and thought
heard a burglar in the room. 1 sat
up in bed, and that awoke my wife. ="
What did she do?"
She accused me, as usual, of hav-
ing a burglar dream. Said I'd never
hear a real burglar if lived a thous-
and years. I said I'd bet I would.
She said she'd bet 1 wouldn't. And
just then shadowy form rose from
behind the dresses and a hoarse voice
exclaimed: He wins, ma'am.''
Did you catch him?''
Catch him? 1 didn't try. I just
laid there and laughed, and heard
him slam the door and run down the
stairs. And my wife was so mad she
didn't speak to me for a whole day.
But I'll bet one thing"
What is it,"
I'll bet that burglar was a married
man."
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1914-03-10
As Advertissd.-Charles L. Sinnixon

As Advertised.-Charles L. Sinnixon
a London advertising expert, was
praising in New York the change that
has come over the advertisement.
In advertising, as in other things,
he said, lit has been found that hon
esty pays, and today, throughout the
world, the successful advertiser is
modest and conservative in his state
ments.
advertising is no longer mistrust-
ed. Things are no longer as they
were in Phatt's day.
"'You know Phatt, the 400-pound
bookkeeper?' said one man in the
street to another.
"'Yes. What Of him?'
"'Well, he saw an ad in the paper
Fat folks reduced, five dollars
and he answered it
Ibid he get any reply?'
80, yes; it was just as advertised
That's good. And how much
was he reduced?
why, just as the advertisement
said, five dollars"
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1914-03-10
EVERY STREET
in YORKVILLE
Has Its Share Of the Proof That Kid
ney Sufferers Seek.

Has Its Share OF the Proof That Mo-
ney Sufferers Seek.
Backache? Kidneys weak?
Distressed with urinary lis?
Want a reliable kidney remedy?
Don't have to look far. Use what
Yorkville people recommend. Every
street in Yorkville has its cases.
Here's one Yorkville mans expert
ence.
Let R. ]. Mackorell, wholesale gro
Ger. e. Liberty ST., tell 1t.
He says: For about year I had
attacks of backache and the secre-
tions from my kidneys were unnatu-
ral 1 decided to try kidney remedy
and got a supply Of Doan's Kidney
Pills at the York Drug Store. Since
I took them, I have felt much better
and the pains and aches seem to have
left. I don't hesitate to say that
Doan's Kidney Pills are a most relia-
BILE kidney medicine"
Price soc, at all dealers. Don't
simply ask for a kidney remedy-get
Doan's Kidney Pills-the same that
Mr.. Mackorell had. Foster-Milburn
Co., Props, Buffalo. n. Y.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1914-03-10
STATE OF SOUTH CAROLINA,
County of York.
IN THE PROBATE COURT.

By L. R. williams, Judge of Probate Of
York County.
wv HEREAS Mrs. Ida JANE
w JACKSON has applied to me for
Letters Of Administration on all and
singular the goods and chattels, rights
and credits of ]. F. JACKSON, late Of
the county aforesaid, deceased:
These are, therefore, to cite and ad-
monish all and singular the kindred
and creditors Of the said deceased, to be
and appear before me at our next
Probate Court for the said county, to
be holden at York Court House on
the 18th day Of March, 1914, to shew
cause, II any, why the said Admins
tration should not be granted.
Given under my hand and seal, this
End day Of March, in the year Of our
Lord, one thousand nine hundred and
fourteen, and in the 13Sth year Of
American Independence.
L. R. WILLIAMS,
Probate Judge Of York County.
1S ct
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1914-03-10
Domestic Band.-Father is a

A Domestic Band.-Father is an
adept at blowing his own trumpet,
while mother is equally an expert at
harping on one string. Mother-in-la law
has to play second fiddle, and Aunt
Kate leads a humdrum existence.
Grandpa gives every night solo on
his nasal organ, without stops; uncle
spends his time in wetting his whis-
tie; John is fond of his pipe, and
Emily is forever ringing the changes
on her lovers-and I'm bit Of Tyre
myself-Detroit Free Press.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1914-03-10

Provident Pa.-Mr. Rural Hamlet
(to ministerial agent)-"Do have some
more of the corn, DR.. Eighty; it came
out Of our own garden"
Little Buttin Hamlet-"Yes, N the
chicken came outer our own garden,
too Pa said he bet the folks next door
would keep their hens at home after
he caught a few more Of EN-"
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1914-03-10

w After looking at some pictures at
a friends house we are more than ev-
er convinced Of the truth Of the propo-
sition that the weakest go to the wall.
3T Getting up in the morning is like
getting up in the world. You cannot
do either without more or less Of self
denial.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1914-03-10

So That's Why?-'I have noticed
that old bachelors are generally ego
tistical I wonder why it is?"
THE reason is that when a man gets
married he can generally be sure Of
having somebody around who is will
Chicago Record Herald.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1914-03-10

A LII Subscribers to The Enquirer on
"A my Club who have not yet paid
their Subscriptions, are requested to
do so at once. The money may be
paid either to me or at The Enquirer
office ]. F. A. SMITH.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1914-03-10

Eleven Prominent Practicing Physi-
clans. On Sale at Your Drug Store.
For Sale at YORK DRUG STORE, and
CITY PHARMACY, Glover, S. @.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1914-03-10
$1,OOO.OO REWARD

Will be paid to any
one who can prove
that Indian New
Discovery will not
do as represented. It
has cured hundreds
and thousands Of
aches and pains,
why should 1t dis
appoint You?
-,
The Detroit times., 1914-12-02
Roosevelt Mountebank and Half
Crazy, But American to the Core,
Says Champ Clark Between DOzes

Champ Clark, speaker OF the ma
tional house of representatives and
chief rival OF Woodrow Wilson for
the Democratic nomination for preni-
dent OF the United States in The Bal
timeFe convention. arrived IN Detroit,
Wednesday morning. and was sound
asleep in a room on the fourth floor
OF the Hotel PontChartrain long De-
fore members of the entertainment
committee OF the Board OF Commerce
and others delegated 10 welcome him,
knew that he was In the city. Dur
ing the morning the secretary OF the
BOARD OF Commerce kept the wires
between Detroit and Cleveland hot,
trying to get in tosch with Speaker
CLARK.
q Times reporter bumped into the
speaker at the clerks desk in the
Pontchartrain The speaker was hav
Ing considerable trouble with por-
ter. VINO vas toting a battered reed
suitcase that did not seem overly
burdensome.
"Mr Clark began the reporter.
Yes. what do you want?" demand
ed the speaker in voiGa that would
have almost silenced Belgian for,.
The distinguished Democratic lead.
er ,uas- informed tnat am interview
was desired.
The Detroit times., 1914-12-02
Walks Into Home in Hysterical
COndition--DOesn't Explain
Absence
DISAPPEARED IN THE
HEART OF CITY TUESDAY
Believed To Have Suffered Lapse
of Memory and Wandered
Away

After being mysteriously missing
for nearly "A hours, during much or
which time her relatives and every
policeman in Detroit had been search
ing for her, Mrs T. +. Lewis, 65
years old, walked into her home, No.
1861 Lafayette-blvd., Wednesday af-
ternoon.
She was hysterical, laughing and
crying by turns. She volunteered no
statement as to where she had spent
the time since she disappeared from
the Gratiot-ave. entrance of the j l..
Hudson store, Tuesday afternoon, and
1t was decided not TO attempt to ques-
tion her until she became calmer
Tuesday afternoon Mrs. Lewis took
trip downtown with her husband,
who, after shopping tour, left her
standing In the entrance OF the Hud-
son store while he went TO get his
auto, which he had parked on Library
ave. When he returned Mrs. Lewis
had disappeared, and a search which
began then and lasted all through the
night and was still In progress when
the woman returned home, failed to
reveal any trace of her
Mrs. Lewis has been i'll, and II is
believed that. suffering a lapse of
memory, she wandered away and was
cared for In the home of strangers.
Her husband is connected with the
Timken-Detroit Axle Co.
The Detroit times., 1914-12-02
AT CHARLESTON.

First Race-Selling; purse $500; g.
year-olds and upwards. 5h furlongs:
Richest, 104 liking Mcdowell, 104.
xHeartbeat, l07; xpriwer, 1903, Sor-
dello. 1O9 OrtyN, 1O9; Coaster, l09;
Scarlet Letter, l09; Sir Fretful, 10;
Bodkin, l13; Kelly, 1l3; Charley
Brown. l1S; Fred Levy, 116.
Second Race--Purse $500; 2-year-
olds, selling; furlongs: xTimapisco.
lOl; Bngo, l03 kopje, 1903; Peg, l03:
Ida Earl loS; pennyrock, lo4; Jack
Hanover l0g; ldiola, 10y, xFenrock,
III Fair Helen, li3
year-olds and upwards; mile and 20
yards xMary Ann X, loo: Bushy
Head, 10s; xColonel Holloway, l0S;
Marshon III; xGood Day, Ill; Frank
Hudson 11S
Fourth Race-Handicap; purse $500;
81. furlongs: Encore, SO; Cole, 9S DR..
Carmen. 80; Gar Michael. 80; Ancon,
104; DR. Mack, 10i Luther, l04; Brave
CunardeT, l05 Judge Wright, 1915
Fifth Race--seningj purse $500; .
ar-olds and upwards 5h furlongs:
xNiley l0S Broom's Edge. l0g Trap.
l0g. Miss Barnharbor. 1897 Flatbush,
l09. Beaumont Belle l09; Stevesta,
LOB; Crlsco. Ill Lamb,s Tail, lO2
Black chief, ll3, NADIA Mas, llS. Loan
Sixth Race-Selling; purse 5000. g.
year-olds and upwards; mile Stars
and stripes, %; xMimesis 102.
NCharles +. Grainger. los; xDuquesne.
los; Mycenaie, 40; Coreopsis, 113;
Astrologer, ll3.
xApprentice allowance claimed
Weather clear; track heavy.
The Detroit times., 1914-12-02
GRAND BELT Line
EXPENSIVE JOB
Cost in Excess of $35, 900 a Mile,
According to City Engineers
Figures

The cost to the d. L. II. OF con.
structing the Grand belt line from
Fort-st. to Warren-ave., the points be-
tween which is completed and in
operation, is $220,4S2l1, according TO
figures compiled by the city engineer
and ID. u. w Commissioner Fenkell
for the street railway commission
Tbe5total cost includes all special
track work, labor and material Al
lowance is also made Tor depreciation
OF tools and machinery and profit
of II per cent on all contract work is
figured in. This would give Contrac-
tor John A. Mercier a profit OF ST..
252.S3 based on the city engineers
figures.
Ii is believed that the engineer s
figures on the work are a trihe high.
as ii is seldom that single track con-
struction runs between $4,000 and
$4,000 mile, as these figures indi-
cate. The cost OF the belt line will
not be figured I'm the appraisal now
being made for the commission by
Prof Bemis. The appraisers have
dated all their work as of July 1.
1914.
Some of the items IN the engineer $
report on the belt line construction
are: Rails, $43.679; labor. S26, 1924 [:
cable, $l7,041, stone laid alongside
the tracks, $16.Sl6; cement, sl2,672;
brick. 12.495.
Acting under instructions from the
street railway commission. Commits
sioner Fenkell detailed men from the
city engineers department to keep a
carefully prepared record OF every ex-
pense incurred by the ID. L. Il in
constructing the loop. The figures
will be checked over later.
The ID. H. r. has accepted the sug-
gestion OF the traffic experts employ
ed by the railway commission to sta
tion fare collectors during rush hours
on downtown street corners where the
congestion Is greatest. Beginning
next Monday. men will be stationed
at Fort-st and Woodward-ave. and
State-st and Woodward-ave They
will collect fares from passengers en-
tering the front doors OF the street
cars. They will not make change or
Issue transfers.
The Detroit times., 1914-12-02
State Body Would Supervise
Erection of County Jails and
Infirmaries-Women's Pris<
on Asked
$1,639,47S ASKED FOR
SPECIAL PURPOSES
This Amount Required by Var
i0us Charitable and RefOrma-
tory Institutions

LANSING, Mich, Dec. 2.-(Spe-
cial. ial.)-Recommendations for legisia
tion desired by the state board of
corrections and charities were made
To Gov. Ferris today in report sent
To the chief executive by Secretary
Mart T. Murray, of the board. Ii Is
probable that Gov Ferris will incor
porate many OF the suggestions OF
the board in his inaugural message.
Some OF the recommendations fol
low:
Placing Of all sheriffs on salary
basis.
Uniform system of accounting in
state institutions. Establishment OF
a farm colony for inebriates.
Appropriation OF money for pur-
chase OF site for proposed house OF
correction in Bay county.
Erection OF reformatory for
women.
Obligatory approval by the board Of
plans for village jails and county in
firmaries.
The experience OF the board.
says Secretary Murray in the report.
would seem TO show that there is a
real need for some supervision over
societies soliciting money from the
public for alleged charitable and
benevolent societies. The board has
gone into this matter as far as it can
go under the law. but IL believes that
somewhat drastic legislation Is need,
ed which shall require the licensing
of all such societies or agencies be-
fore permitting them to appeal to The
general public"
The boards secretary says that
reformatory for women would afford
relief from the overcrowded conditions
at the Industrial School for Girls 1T
Adrian, which he says, is not and
should not be a woman's prison.
Secretary Murray has prepared a
Continued ON Page Seyen)
The Detroit times., 1914-12-02
GUTIERREZ zABOUT TO-
ENTER MEXICO CITY
Mexican President and Villa at
Gates of Capital. Washington
Hears

WASHINGTON, Dec. 2.--Provision.
al President Gutierriz. accompanied
by Gen. Villa. is expected 20 enter
Mexico City today and establish him
self in the national palace as the
head OF the Mexican government, Ac-
cording to official advices TO the state
department this afternoon.
Gen. Villa has not yet entered Mex
leo City proper official dispatches at
the state department stated today. He
was reported at a suburb.
All adyices directly contra1icted
the report OF a break between villa
and Zapata The latter has gone 20
Puebla 10 direct the campaign 70 be
conducted for the final crushing OF
Carranza. and IT is expected that vii
la will soon join him.
Panuca, the center OF the oil fields
OF Mexico, has evidently been desert
ed by the Villa forces, who are be.
lieved to be marching southwark to
concentrate their strength for the
campaign against Carranza at Vera
Cruz.
The Detroit times., 1914-12-02
net GAIN OF
JUDGE COMMAND
IS CUT TO l79
Hanley Given Big Boost by Re-
count of Ballots in Tenth
Ward
START rs MADE ON
COUNTRY DISTRICTS
Few Changes Made in First Pre-
cincts-Rivals Jolly" Each
Other

The ret gain OF Justice of the
Peace Edward Command, in the re-
court of votes cast for probate judge
in the race between Command and
Judge Stewart Hanley, was reduced
to us, when the canvassing board ad-
journed Wednesday noon, loss of
81 during the morning. First returns
from townships showed only slight
variation from the figures of the orig
inal canvass, but Judge Hanley gain
ed steadily in the Tenth ward. The
recount thus far covers total of 107
precincts, including all of the first
nine wards, portion Of the Tenth,
and nine precincts from townships.
The townships precincts counted
are Ecorse, Hamtramck and Crosse
Pointe. The suburban precincts gave
a net gain of eight votes to Judge
Hanley.
In the Tenth ward, net gain OF "a
was recorded for Judge Hanley, in
the fourth and fifth precincts.
Both Judge Hanley and Justice
Command were in the recounting
room in the county building Wednes.
day They compared figures together
and congratulated each otner on re-
ported gains.
Looks as though you're losing a
few today, Ed" remarked Judge Han
ley to his opponent
Yes, Stewart" said Command.
we've all got to have our days"
Bicycle Insurance, Repairing. Treaty.
Cycle Co.. AZ West Grand River.--Adv.
The Detroit times., 1914-12-02
BY WILLIAM q. SHEPHERD.
(Sfdf Correspondent United Press.

PRZEMYSL, Austria, Oct. 29.-tBy
mail to New York; - PASSED by
censor. Napoleon never fought like
the Austrians and Russians are fight
ing on this huge battle line. lie
didn't have the telephone. and OF guns
that would carry six miles he knew
nothing. But for 200 miles to the left
OF us this afternoon, and for 200 miles
TO the right, this same sort of a
battle is going on. Here and there.
along the front today, the Russian In
fantry and the Austrian infantry Will
come into clashes as one or the other
tries to reach a battery of the enemy
that seems to have weakened. and
then you'll have the sort OF battle
that Napoleon knew about and fought
only a "battlet" in this twentieth
century. There is man sitting $50
miles away behind us who knows
every moment OF the time just what
is going on along the whole vast line,
just as the battery commandant with
whom we we're talking here knows
al that In going on at the edge Of