The Washington herald., 1914-07-19

As / was calmly restin' fur the night
in the town Of Tinker's Dam l was
suddenly and rudely awakened from
sweet slumber by a small but choice
band of patriots. They were patriots
who lived in the town and had its best
interests at heart, and they were head
ed by the mayor. When had been
hauled out OF bed by the hair Of the
head and a rope tied around my neck.
his honor wanted 10 know II l had
anything to say fur the benefit Of pos
Z terity.
II hev." says I. Il wish to observe
that in the midst Of life We ar in
death and that hog who won't root
won't grow fat"
Are ye goin' TO confess before you
! die?" he asks as he gives a twist TO
/ the rope
las to what?' says !.
"As to what ye did with the hoss
you stole"
Then realized that a mistake has bin
made. and l sits down on the bed and
humbly. but firmly. purseeds to crate as
folders:
"'Feller bein': II is with sOrrcr that
/ hev to inform you that no hangin'
won't take place here tonight. The rea-
son fur II is that the hoss thief has
got fur. fur away, while am a humble
and bOw-backed pilgrim without guile
in his heart / arrived in this town this
afternoon with a grasshopper in a bot
tie. sympathy fur my feller beIn's in my
heart and the possessor Of an old hOss
and wagin' fur the takin' Of tin-types
at 10 cents take. As thar's nuthing
to hang me fur / object to bein' hung"
Then the little band OF patriots paused
/ in their mad career to investigate, and
they soon diskivered that l was humble
and harmless. and that they had narrow
. fN- Ian
man into eternity. The mayor rendered
many apologies, and / smilinEly replied
by gettin' of a few good things as
follers:
The inherent may suffer fur a time
but they Cincrally make ii pay EN- at
least Is per cent
The wicked fee as before a hurricane,
but the honest man has time to stop by
the roadside and count the CUrls in
pigs tail.''
Sometimes thar amt over per cent
in keeping yer hands of of other folks
property. but the gain comes in when ye
don't git hung in place OF the other fel-
ler"
Then the band OF patriots slapped me
on the back. called me old man and the
right sort. and the balance of the night
was spent in festivities that cheered hut
did not inebriate. In the foIlCrin' two
days every man, woman. and child in
Tinkers Dam came down to my wagon
to hev a pictur took, and there was peace
and harmony and no trust. When
finally set forth to pursue my way l
was follered by the good wishes OF all.
and as l logged along I felt to observe:
a man may wear a paper collar, and
old hat and boots with the heels run
down. but integrity will grow turnips fur
him by the roadside"
And also:
Never expect string-beans to climb
sunfOwer stalks nor make knot-holes
answer fur frewoOd.
And likewise:
1T amt that one man is better than
another in this world. but it is in KNOWN
when It is safe to pick up another mans
hoss"
l had left Tinker's Dam a few miles
behind me. and had stopped by the road
side to let my Grasshopper hev his usual
daily frisk. when a weary pilgrim comes
along on foot and stops TO look me over
and say:
He who seeketh after truth NAV b"
in rags and hunger fur a time. but IN
! the end his reward shall be great
knOwed from his words that he was
philosopher and extended a fra
ternal plug OF terbacker and replied.
Yes, Truth Is a guide-post 10 tho eve
and a lamp TO the feet. He who nnd'rh
and follers her will be led 10 r,a.e and
property"
'Hev We got a misshun?" says h..
Il hev. SAYS !. I'm takin' tfutyptS at
10 cents a take speakin' words ~ con-
solas TO my fcller men as ] 20. and
strivin' to make the world better all
around. Mebbe you've got A m.Sshun,
too?"
''purn me il hain't" says ho. as he
pecls on his ragged old coat and limbers
up his arms My misshun is {" take
care Of Israel J. Jones. who is down on