South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1914-07-24
STATE MEN
REAL AND NEAR
By Fred c. Kelly

WASHINGTON. July 24.-Four or
five Of the senatorial jOkers light
en- dull care almost daily by wing
with each other in the invention of
Munchausen-like statements TO hand
to an old cOlOred barber named Sims,
who has presided over the shaving
studio in the senate end OF the cap
itol for a great many years. sims be-
iieves anything they tell him. He is
perhaps not much more credulous
than a great many other persons, but
when he receives startling bits or IN
formation from men of high standing
AM unquestioned veracity, like Vice
President Marshall John Sharp VIII
liams, Sen. Kern or Sen. Swanson,
what is the man 10 do but accept
their statements as true? You would
Mt expect a colored barber TO call a
senator or a vice president a liar,
would you?
The other morning Vice Pres. Mar
shall and Senator Swanson occupied
adjoining chairs while receiving mir
sutorial ministrations from Sims and
one Of his understudies.
well, it was certainly a good
thing they discovered that plot TO rob
the treasury vaults" remarked Swan
son.
Yes, indeed" says Marshall That
was a nice thing for United States
senator to be concocting."
In dialogue they went ahead TO tell
the story. 1t seemed, according to
their story, that Henry Cabot Lodge,
Boies Penrose and Ollie James had
framed up a scheme TO burrOW a lit
tie tunnel under the street and into
the treasury vaults where the entire
store OF the nations gold would be
at their disposal They were going
to carry it away in gunnysacks and
take a trip together to the Samoan
islands. where they would spend 1T in
riOtous living.
1.-The thing about the plot that sur
prised me-" said Swanson, was the
fact that they were going 10 make
Sen. Lodge carry away the swag.
You'd think that big husky senators
! like Penrose and Ollie James would
be willing to do all the lifting and
carry the most of the physical bur
! den themselves. Lodge would be bet
ter. you'd think, for burrowing
/ through a small hole into the vaults"
Throughout the recital Sims kept
shaking his head and muttering many
/ an "Um-m-um- I'm" in a deprecat-
ing tone.
81 c~in't hardly believe it of Sena-
/ tab Lodge" was Sims comment. I'm
MN! Honestly, l just CANT think
how he'd look, crawlin through a
/ hole with a sack of gold on his back.
/ He never seemed so very strong,
neither"
And the picture of the scholarly and
| Immaculate Lodge struggling along
under his burden of ill-gOtten gold.
carrying a dark lantern, with Penrose
/ and Ollie James following, was indeed
| a difficult conception.
! No sooner had Sims partly digested
/ the story about Lodge and the treas
ury outrage than another pair of SEN
ators climbed into the barber chairs
! and began to talk about the danger
/ of the capitol being blown up with a
bomb hurled by Sen. Stephenson, be-
cause he was dissatisfied with his al
! lowance Of raCish seeds.
Sometimes there is a theory ad-
vanced that old Sims does not swallow
\ the stories as completely as he APP
pears TO, but simply humOrs his men
| dacious customers out of politeness
/ Still. on the morning they told him
/ of Senator Lodges plan to rob the
| treasury vaults, he grew so nervous
! that he cut a cash in the vice presi-
dents right ear.