Newark evening star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1909-1916, 1914-09-05
LYRIC SKETCH HAS
FUN-LADEN MORAL
BY IRVING R. BACON.

BY 1hNINO n. BAUM.
"A Business Proposal" a playlet
by Edgar Allen Woolf. at the Lyric,
gives chauncey Monroe a twenty
minute opportunity to "steam-rollern
the laughs out of his audiences, maxi
ing them believe they've never seen
or listened to anything funnier in all
their lives, while in reality they are
being taught lessons of the utmost
Importance. Indeed, I do not recall
any other sketch that seemed so
fraught with wholesome instruction
conveyed in so sugar-coated a form as
this one at the Lyric Here it is:
Mr.. Rung is the head of great
stove concern. He has built it up by
adherence to several notices, such as
do ii now" do it quickly" do not
employ a bachelor" and the like. In
enforcing these notices he is brusaue
to the point of tyranny, and, for the
least infraction of a business rule. he
Invariably dismisses the offender.
One of his employees is a tall. lank,
ilI-favored chap who walks with a
tremulo gait as if spawned, is pune
tual, and neither drinks, smokes,
chews nor CANDLES, and is even afraid
to admit to Mr.. Rung that he crochets
for fear of betraying weakness.
Rung can find no fault with him ex-
cept that he is bachelor. This is
fault enough but Rung shut an eye
to it in view of the mans many bust
ness virtues.
Thinner" says Mr.. Rung, I'm go.
ing to give you a vacation. / want
you to make use of it for a honey
moon trip.
But l am not contemplating mar
riage.' says Thinner.
whats that got to do with it?"
asks Rung. Il want you to get married
and that's all there Is about it, Here's
money enough to buy a couple OF
tickets to California and for a ring
and marriage license. Now you go
and be back in ten minutes with the
ring, the ticket and the license"
But where is the bride?" asks Tim
mer. II don't know of anybody that
would marry me-"
Miss Hooper will" declares Rung.
Miss Hooper is the new typewriter
who has been engaged during Rung's
absence abroad. He has not yet seen
her. She is forty minutes late and
has been ordered dismissed by Mr..
Rung.
While Thinner is out to procure
the ring and the license Miss Hooper
enters the office singing and with a
supremely disdainful disregard of the
presence of Mr.. Rung. He quickly
brings her to a realization of her posi-
ton and tells her that she is dis
missed. 4ar
But don't go yet" he adds. You
are going to get married" And he I'M
folds to the astonished girl his plan
with Thinner. At last the latter re-
turns and Rung bids him proceed
without loss of time to pop the ques-
ton to Miss Hooper
Thinner stammers:
81 know that / am not worthy of
your love, but l hope" p
"Pshaw! That's stupid nonsense"
declares Mr.. Rung. IF you tell GUS
toner. 4 have nothing but inferior
stoves and / know that they are not
worthy of you,' do you think he will
buy? No sir; you've got to make
love in this way" And Rung puts his
arm around the girls waist and says:
you need a man like me to protect
YOU Time fees and shortly you VIII
find the circle of those who admire
YOU Iessening / don't care whether
YOU want me or not There are many
others even nicer and handsomer than
YOU: but I've just capriced myself
upon having you
Thinner, almost dead from the try
ing position he is in, succeeds. after
many bashful groupings. in putting MS
arm around Miss Hooper's waist; but
what he utters is sheer nonsense, con-
sisting of the vaguest sort OF recol-
lection of what Mr.. Rung had said.
To cap it all Thinner in his confusion,
tells the girl he does not want her
Overwhelmed, he runs out of the
room.
Miss Hooper by this time has en-
tered into the spirit of the situation
and asks Rung whether he meant
exactly what he said when he told
Thinner that at is up to person TO
get whatever he is after, and that ne
can't fail to get it if he goes after II
in the right way,
DO you mean that this is applicable
to persons of both seXes?' she asks.
And, when he tells her that that was
exactly what he meant she orders
him to get up and approach. so
commanding is her voice that ne n
stinctively obeys. Whereupon sue
puts her arm around his waist ana
repeats to him the words he had Ut
tered when he Illustrated for the
benefit of Thinner how to propose
At first Rung is extremely indlg-
nant. but gradually he falls under the
charm of the insolent girls audaclty
and is partly softened and partly
Communicated into confesslng that
his heart goes out to her. and, wnen
Thinner returns, all logged out Tor the
wedding, Rung tells him he is too
late The wedding bells will ring, out
e L.