The Washington herald., 1914-04-12
OLE PAP PINKHAM
He Has Plan to Keep Jericho Quiet

| II does one gooG to interview the Post
master General Of the United States.
| He is glad that he Is alive, and he
wants you to be glad that you are, too.
His motto is. This is a good old world.
and to the devil with the kickers.'
You don't find a guard at his door
You simply turn the knob. and before
you can ask any one if the Postmaster
| General Is in there he stands before you,
| a smile on his face and both hands held
| out.
He reminds one Of an old Vermont Dea-
con who says 20 the snow bound trav-
eler: Come in. neighbor. and toast your
Ieet ana have a glass Of hard cider"
have mailed an average Of one let
ter per day rOr the last twenty years
Now. since my visit with the head Of all
postmasters, ! shall bring that average
up to three and darn the expense
II don't wish to take up your
time" I began.
oh. fe.' ne laughed Il have all
the time there is and then some for
| checkers. DO you play?'
Ever since ! was ten years old"
Good. My study Of mankind has taught
me that you can trust a man who plays
checkers. Take thousand men that
are in State prison and not ten Of them
are checker-plaTers. felt the moment
! saw you that YOU hadn't just come out
of Sing Sing after serving A sentence for
highway TobbeIy.
Thanks
Did you cal tc get statisticse-'
Not altogeth. r."
We'll. while YOU are making up your
mind what yor cid call for let me give
you some confidential statistics:
Each and every day in the year for
Ss1 days there are 3.5I unstamped let
tsrs sent to the mails
In 1888 cases the writer's are ready I'm
swear that | stole the stamps of their
letters. In the odd case the old man who
wrote the letter isn't exactly sure that
he stamped it. being in love with
widow and therefore rather absent-mind-
20. but is willing TO believe that I would
d" IL IL ! ha a chance
Each and q cry DAY il the wear there
arc 2t3s letters mailed that are misdi-
reCted. | Ee- the blame for that The
letter that should have gone to Buffalo
but brought up in Detroit. because di-
rected there. would have horped ont Of
tho mail bag at Buffalo II hadn't had It
ma lied down
Every day Of the year 7Oo lovers write
- each other and for.,et that little two
center. This leads TO quarrels and broken
engagements and broken hearts. II isn't
my fault in the least. but l get % let
ters IN which tho writers tell now happy
il would make them to punch my head.
Every day in the year the girls who
open the letters sent to the Dead Let
ter Office indulge in I.." -iGg.es each
over the letters written ny widuwcrs and
cid maids. They are rich.
Every day in the y-ar l56N suckers
write to Wall Street or elsewhere want
ing to he plucked. or these letters about
100 reach the Dead Letter Oficc for one
reason or another. though the 200 writ
ers are not saved from plurking. They
simply turn around and invest in an in
dia rubber plantation at the north pole
That's all for TO-DAY. my friend. said
the good man. and now what can ! do
for you? Has the New Haven road man
aged to accumulate as much AS s. for
other high finanCiers TO steal
Its simply problem, Mr. Post
master
Shoot IL this way
We will suppose that you are a young
man Of twenty-three"
Il was once"
And you are carrying mail route"
Fine. Fine
You are in love-
''Ah' ! have been there"
But there are two ~ you in love with !
the same girl
But I'll bet you that heat the other |
fellow clear over the fence" Chuckled !
the good man as he rubbed his hands to- /
gether.
THE girl won't decide between you.
but keep YOU beth on the string There
comes :. day when in Your collection Of I
mail YOU discover letter in her hand
writing addressed to your rival Intui-
ton tells you ihat she has written him
that after rlenty OF time in which 10
make up her mind she las decided In his
favor
And I get the cold throw-down-
You do. In that letter she calls Won
4 four-fiUsher"
For the lands sake. hut what is that
Didn't you ever pIav POKER