The gazette-times. [volume] (Heppner, Or.) 1912-1925, 1914-07-23
Stories With a Smile
Papa Fooled Again.

opo ocno1hS hCePo PAetly Sa4
eye on his daughter Mary, and many
would-be lover has taken walk for
few minutes conversation with the
hard hearted parent.
"You seem like a nice young man,
and perhaps you are in love with
Maryf"
"Yes, I am,' was the honest reply.
"Haven' t said anything to her yet
have youi" continued Papa Bending.
"Wel, no, but I think she recipro-
Gates my affection"
"Does ehi Well, let me tell you
something. Her mother died lunatis
and there's no doubt that Mary has in
herited her insanity"
"I'm willing to take the chances"
replied the lover.
eyes, but, you see, Mary has ter.
rible temper. She has twice drawn .
knife on me with intent to commit mur-
der"
"I'm used to that-got a sister just
like her." was the answer.
"And you should know that I have
sworn solemn oath not to give Mary
a penny of my property" continued the
father.
"Wen, I'd rather start poor and
build up. There's more romance in it.
Mr.. Bending" continued the lover.
"I've heard all this before, and also
that you were on trial for forgery, had
to run away to America for bigamy and
served year in prison for cattle steal
ing. I'm going to marry into your fam
| lily to give you decent reputation.
There-no, thanks-good-by."
"Foiled again!" muttered the father.
Father and Son.
A gentleman in provincial town
owns a row of houses, and in one Of
them lives married son of his who Is
noted for his misery habits.
) This had got to such pitch that for
several years his father had been un-
able to get single penny of the rent
iue him.
As he did not want to take harsh
measures he at last went round to his
son one morning and said:
"Look here, Tom, it s plainly no use
my trying to get any rent out of you
for that house of mine, so I've decided
to give it to you"
"No fear" interposed the son. "I
shan't have it.
"Why not, prayi' exclaimed the
astonished parent.
because then," replied the un-
abashed son, "I'd have to pay tn rates
and taxes! and goodness knows they are
heavy enough in this town.
Only Winners Wanted.
Lincoln Beachey, the aviator, had
just looped the loop at Santa Barbara.
"But | don t know what will become
of aviation" he said, if the inventors
fight much harder. We ppc- Ayers must
watch the inventors we must
choose the winno. -of Wen be left
badly.
, "It' like the show girl in the Broad
way lobster palace.
Waiter, she said, this lobster OF
? mine has only one claw. How about
iiti'
"'Well, ye see, madam said the
waiter, 'our Holsters is so fresh that
they fight one another in the kitchen.
"'Please take this fellow away,
then, said the show girl, 'and bring mo
winner"
, His Redress.
ga cat sits on my back fence every
, night and he yowls and yowls and
yowls," complained young lawyer s
client. "Now, 1 don't want to have
any trouble with Neighbor Smith, but
this thing has gone far enough and I
, want you to tell me what to do"
The lawyer looked as solemn as an
owl and said not word.
e ~ have right to shoot the cat,
: haven't Ii"
~ would hardly say that" replied
the young lawyer. "The cat does not
belong to you, as l understand it."
y "No, but the fence does"
+ "Then," concluded the light of the