The Washington herald., 1914-09-14
BRITAINSDEBT.
TOGERMANSPIES
Germany's Campaign Based
on Misinformation Gathered
by Berlin S Agents.
REPORTS SHOW STUPIDITY
Kaiser Told that Liberal Government
Wouldn' I Fight on Any Pretext. and
that Ireland Would Be in Civil War.

London, Sept. 1a-Undoubtedly there
are thousands Of regular German Secret
Service men. or spies" in Great Britain
today, but their efforts are negligible be-
cause they are cut OF from communica-
ton with their Berlin chiefs. There have
been a few instances where fanatics have
shot at sentries or cut telegraph wires.
and these have been severely dealt with;
but In general, Englishmen can AFFORD to
smile at the dreaded spy system.
"If there are any people at the pres
ent moment to whom EngIlshmen should
feel a sense OF profound gratitude, It is
for the German spies" said one of the
heads Of Englands own secret service.
Every day now produces evidence that
Germany is the most hopelessly misled
country in the world. Yet she has the
largest army Of spies in the world. Who
has misled her? Her spy army. -
Acted on MIscaIcuIations,
The whole Of her campaign up to the
moment has been based upon miscalcula-
tions and these In turn have been based
upon information supplied by the wonder
full spies she has for years poured into
England. Russia. France and Belgium.
To all these countries the German spies
have rendered incalculable service by
supplying false information to their own
government.
The spies, Of course, acted in good
faith, but they have consistently mis-
judged facts, events, national character
and everything else they were sent to
determine and discover.
'As a matter OF fact. a German spy
Is probably the most foolish person on
earth. He works hard at spying. but he
is innately stupid. The majority of the
great German spy army has not been
drawn from the intelligent classes. Huge
numbers OF them. in England. have been
employed as walters. For years these
simple-minded spies have listened in
tently to the conversations of their Gus
TONERS. That was their method Of spy
ing.
Filed Drunken Talk Away.
AS consequence, grave reports of
conversations of foolish. irresponsible.
sometimes drunken and fliEhty. English
people have been sedulously dispatched
to Berlin and there docketed in secret
places with much ceremony. Handsome
young spies with a generous allowance
of pocket-money have been deputed by
Berlin to make overtures to the servant
girls employed in the households of
politicians. apparently under the i'm
preston that the diplomatic and political
secrets OF England are gravely discussed
between the statesmen and their pantry
girls.
"A pleasant feature of this Germanic
stupidity is the fact that many Of the
young women selected to be the uBcon-
scious victims Of the handsome spies in
gratiating advances have been very
lavishly entertained while receiving
many relatively expensive presents. II
our kitchen girls get diamond earrings
for whispering into the ears Of their fol-
lowers the priceless information that
cabinet minister shaves with cold water
or takes three Jumps Of sugar in his tea.
no one is a penny the worse.
What They Told Berlin.
lust think for a moment OF a few
things that the dreadful German spies
have reported to their government:
They told Berlin in the first place that
a Liberal government would never go
to war on any pretext whatever.
They also said that II war broke out.
would Immediately fiy at each others
They further reported that the Bel
gian troops would lay down their arms
and run away at the sight Of the first
Prussian soldier. The French army
boots, they observed, would not stand
a two days campaign.
Finally, the whole OF their calcula-
tiOns as to the Russian mobilization were
hopelessly wrong.
Brave spies! what a debt of gratitude
We all owe these valiant and far-seeing
men,