The Washington herald., 1914-03-19
P. D. @. INTERVIEWS.
The Secretary of War Solves q
Situation.
M NJ ouAn
Nv VI. QUAD.

II you have military business with Mr..
Garrison. Secretary of War. you go down
a long hall, right-face-down another
left-face, and before you there is the
American flag. a sentry and two field
pieces.
The American flag is there to signify
that this is free country. Any, time
you want to raise the price Of living 30
per cent and drive thousands to starva-
ton you are free to do so.
The field pieces represent war and
patriotism and glory. II is confidently
expected that the moment you confront
them you will have a great yearning TO
enlist as soldier at sl3 a month and
get killed of as soon as possible.
The sentry represents the American
army-that army which could lick Mexico
in little less than a dozen years, II
called upon to do so, b'gosh,
He also represents the Teller who is
going TO take long, keen look at YOU
and then demand what you want (what
In the devil do you want, to be exacD
TO see the Secretary for?
Have you invented a new kind of hard
tack. with the sawdust left out and the
corn-husks left in?
Have you invented a shell that will tear
mule limb from limb at a distance of
six miles?
~ -SN "ohA " SuSEeSI 10 Ine HON.
Secretary that he appeal to the pride of
the rank and file of the army by per-
Knitting them to wear dress coats and
plug hats on Sundays and HOLIDAYS?
Is II one of Weber and Fields Jokes
that you want TO get OF to the secretary?
do you want him to take part in a NOV
ing picture play?
Do you want to ask him il mince pie
Is calculated to install patriotism in the
human breast?
Having answered all the above ques-
tons to the satisfaction of the grim
guardian and the flag of Liberty, you
are told to open the door and walk in.
You find the Secretary examining a
new brand of grapeshot. Six OF them
weighing two ounces apiece, are guaran-
teed to kill hundred men each before
they cease their bloodthirsty flight there
is economy in their use The price per
grapeshot is so low tLat it costs only
one and half cents to kill a mainline
dollars for the six hundred.
This bargain sale is being plumbed
asked:
Does your business pertain to war;"
VERY much so, Mr.. Secretary"
Then you may state it"
You are to imagine spot out in the
country"
rs it pumpkin field?'
mo, SIR
Corn or 'taters?'
1T is an old field. sir; grown up to
sorrel and to mulleins. and here and
there a bush. 1t is rolling ground, but
at the north end there is a hill crowned
and fortified with rocks. II is what an
pregnable position
Like a street car hog with his feet
across the aisle-I understand"
You are to imagine that an old mule
has taken cover there.
I've got it straight
He has kicked an old goat and a RAM
and both are hopping mad and want
And they must drive him out of his
Notifications to get it?''
Just so, Mr.. Secretary, and it's for
you to plan how they are going to do it?'
"Ah, I see. Why, I should advance a |
battery and shell him OUT
. But the big bowlders will protect |
him.
Then let the goat and ram make a |
front assault
The hill is too precipitous"
Il see. Why not have the goat attack |
90 one flank and the ram on the other? |
Yes. that is the way"
not advance simultaneously over difficult |
ground. and the old mule could sally ouY |
and kick the stuffing out of them in rota-
ton
so he could. so he could" unused the |
gentleman. But a rear at
tack? All. that's the thing
But that can't be made, because there
is swamp in the rear-an impossible /
swamp"
Dear, dear me! There must be some
way to get at him. No son Of a gun of
an old mule ought to be permitted TO
kick a goat and a calf and get away
with 1t. Let's see? Let's seer'
He had drawn a rough war man as We
lalked. and I held my breath as he bent
over it with the light of determination
IN. his eyes. A long minute, and then
he slapped hi: leg and almost shouted:
Il have it, Dog my cats, but 1 have
solved the problemI"
Good! What is it?'
surround him and starve him out
) gosh! 1 told myself that would either
peat that old mule or throw IN nv iob !"
Mr.. Secretary" said in soien,r
ones, do you know anything about
nuIes?" "'"U'
Why. I've seen ten thousand Of
hem"'
But IL you knew him like a brotber
'oud know that when a mule makes