South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1914-06-18
STATESMEN
REAL AND NEAR
BY FRED c. KELLY.

i
One Of things Champ Clark would
like to know is the reason why the
male persons living in and about Fort
Dodge, Iowa, have small necks. And,
il should be understood right here
that his ideas and beliefs about the
size of necks that abound IN Fort
Dodge. Iowa, are not predicated just
on seeing Senator William 5. Kenyon.
the only representative in congress
/ from that thriving city Kenyon is a
fairly slender person and doubtless
can get into 15l collar but TO judge
the necks of a big city full of as
sorted people by the neck OF one man
would be to act specifically and TO
base a hypothesis on an altogether
too hasty review Of the situation.
Champ Clark does not have Senator
Kenyon in mind at all when he desires
to know why the men of Fort Dodge
have small necks.
To fully appreciate the Speaker
point of view, it is necessary TO go
back little. A few years ago Champ
Clark and former Representative
Grosvenor, of Ohio, used TO go about
the Chautauqua circuits holding joint
debates on the subject of the tariff.
They had excellent team work and
comprised about the best headliner
/
One night they spoke at a lake
town in Michigan and from there
their billing took them 10 Fort Dodge,
Iowa Thinking to escape the heat
of one Of the Pullman Company's ILL
ventilated cars, they arranged TO go
as far as Chicago by boat. They had
their baggage placed aboard and then,
while waiting for the vessel TO be on
its way. they stood near the gang
plank cOnversing freely with the cap
tain.
And by the way" inquired Gros-
venor, what time do we reach Chi
cago?"
"Chicago!" repeated the captain.
YES" says GrOsvenor-and almost
his exact language is quoted here
Chicago"
why. we don't go to Chicago at
ALL" replied the captain. This boat
runs to Milwaukee. The Chicago boat
went about half an hour ago"
So Champ Clark and his speaking
mate had TO take a train TO Fort
Dodge. Iowa, and their baggage went
by water to Milwaukee. Wis.
On reaching Fort Dodge, after their
hot. humid journey they were prac-
tically agreed that it would be neces-
sary to go forth to the stores on them
that sell and purchase fresh linen.
That was easy enough for Grosvenor
but Champ Clark wear a liz shirts
and an Is collar of an outstanding, but
comfortable brand that is ScOOped out
in front There weren't any 1712
shirts or Is collars in all of Fort
Dodge. Champ Clark was perplexed
but he finally ran down pink shirt
size II. that he thought he could
crowd himself into; also a II collar.
IT is not easy TO fit a II collar to a
II shirt on an Is neck, but there was
no other way. For an hour Champ
Clark experimental with scissors and
pieces of string. BY cutting the flaps
off the collar and cleverly fastening
the ends to his collar button with
cotton cord Champ made himself rea-
sonable presentable to the people of
Fort Dodge, Iowa.
A year or so ago the Speaker again
found himself in Fort Dodge, and he
had his baggage with him, but recall
ing his adventure there, he set out to
ransack the place for an Is collar, or
at least a 171a one, just for the sport
of the thing
This time he could not find a col
lar larger than 1872. Champ talked
TO the proprietor of one haberdashery
and asked him, as man to man, why
they didn't have full grown collars in
stock.
There's never been any demand for
such a thing" the man told him. "A
few years ago as remeber, lecturer
came here to speak at our Chautau-
qua, and he wanted to buy an is col
lar We talked some after that OF
putting in one or two of the larger
sizes. but we decided that it wouldn't
pay. our people don't seem to care
for them"
Representative Jimmy" Burke, of
Pennsylvania, got to talking with his
seat mate in the smoking compart-
ment on the way across that state the
other day Learning that Burke was
from Washington. the stranger began
to ask questions about Bryan and
Champ Clark and their ability as lect
urers-alsO their charges for speaking.
And" went on the man. what
about that fellow James =. Burke? 1
understand he's a fair speaker. too
"Oh. but l never speak for money
except in a court room" said Burke
You're Burke"
Eyes"
Hum Well. I'm glad to meet you.
and considering your terms. maybe
Well have you for our next lecture
We never have our lectures in the
court coorm.
Senator Kern got a letter from an
old friend, who has a little country
place and wanted fish to put in cute
little pond
Send me a school of bass request
ed the friend.
I'm not sure about getting you an
entire school, Kern wrote back, but
I'll try TO send you a few grades"
Copyright. 1914. by Fred c. Kelly.
All rights reserved.)
IAEFXHIE.
Miss Mable Good of near Lakeville
is visiting her grandmother, Mrs.
Mary Bunch. this week.
r NJ Cox of south BEND was here