Oxford Democrat. [volume] (Paris, Me.) 1833-1933, 1914-01-06
Selectinga
Wife
By Competitive
Examination
BY p. A. NIT c n e L

ssssssssssssssssssssssssss
When old man skinner died Il was
understood that his only child. Billy.
would be very rich. Indeed. a news
paper stated that the estate would
round up 100000. Scarcely had this
item appeared than all the girls Billy
had ever known began to show him
attention. and those who hadn't his
acquaintance sought introductions that
they might enter the race FOR Billy
and his million. 1t was not long
before he counted ten pairs OF en-
broidered slippers arranged In row
on a shelf in his closet and twelve
dozen handkerchiefs with the letter
"S" worked In one corner that had
been sent him by aspirants for his
hand.
One night after coming In from the
theater Billy sat down TO look over his
engagement book and found that for
the coming week he had invited three
different girls to 90 to the opera with
him on the same evening. was to take
out four I'm his car on one afternoon
and was equally entangled as to his
calls. Throwing the memorandum
book on his desk. he pushed back his
chair and sat in deep thought.
"This thing has gone far enough" he
said to himself. "All the girls / know
want to marry me, and those who
don't know me would want to marry
me II they did know me. It's got to
stop, that's all there is about tits
got to stop. But how am l going to
stop it2 / might have an item pub
lished that my fortune hasn't panned
out as well as was expected and In.
stead Of $4,000 year I'll have to get
on with a beggarly $4,000. This would
throw Off the girls who want an estab'
lishment, but there are lots Of them
who would argue that tenth Of loaf
is better than none. Besides, I doubt
If they would believe the statement.
especially II spend my income. No.
that plan won't work.
Suppose marry one Of these girls
-that'll settle 1t. And I might as well
marry now as later It would save me
a lot Of temptation. I'd have home
to loaf In instead Of q club. and I'd
be fulfilling the natural requirements
of a properly constituted existence.
The beasts and the birds mate-why
not man? I'll do It. III marry one
Of these girls, and that will head off
all the rest.
but which one shall marry? ?
There's Lou Clarke. and Hattie Alien,
and Bessie Trask, and Helen Wartield,
and q lot Of others. Lou would love
me dearly, l know, but she's not very
bright, and I might tire Of her. Hat
tie, I'm afraid, is too smart She would
get ahead of me every time. Bess Is
a scatter Drained creature, always Jok-
ing. She's delightful as companion.
but I'm afraid that II my fortune
should slip away from me she'd pawn
the clock and go on with her Jokes.
Helen is too confoundedly serious. Shed
always be looking at things in q mat
ter Of fact way.
what fine thing 1t would be II |
could find a girl that should have a
fair amount Of all the desirable traits
without having too much Of any one
of them. She should be jolly, but Sc
rious at the serious times. She Should
be fairly intellectual, so that l might
be able to talk with her on ordinary
topics Of the day without her telling
me every few minutes that she knew
more than |. She should be fond OF
children, as am. Amiability should
place Us her first requisite.
"I know way that could find out
something about these qualifications
in the woman who would make ne
a good wife, but I'm afraid the girls
wouldn't chime in with It. When I"
congressman Is loaded down with up
plications for West Point or Annapolis
what does he dof Why, he submits
the matter to competitive examination
and gives the appointment to the boy
whose papers are the best. 1t would
be lust the thing in my case, but girls
are so ufpish that they wouldn't sub
init to 1t.
"Yet I'm not 50 certain about that
where there Is a million dollars ut
stake A girl will knuckle down to
q good deal where she has a choice,
on the one side, Of hammering type
writer all day or cramming knowledge
into the heads Of children. who hate
knowledge and love candy, and. on the
other, of spending her share Of $780,
600 year. have mind to try it.
Taking q pencil. he amused himself,
writing out some questions suitable to
his matrimonial purpose. He wrote
down a number Of them, scratching
out some and substituting others or
changing bis wording, and at last
threw down his pencil. apparently
quite satisfied with his work. This
was his examination list:
nIrst.-State what you consider the
first duty Of wife.
second.-Write something humorous
Third.-Are you q new woman OF
IN old one?
Fourth.-Have you many or few rel
atives? State their ages and sex.
Fifth.-What is your age2
SI1th.-If your husband should come
home tired and cross, what reception
would you consider 1t your duty tc
give him2
Seventh.-state the main features In
the constitution Of the United States
Explain the proper use Of "shall and
will" and "who and whom" Does
North America rightfully belong to the
American Indian or the white man
How many square feet are there IN
IL by IS foot room?
Eighth.-If the cook We're found irtox
icated at 6 o'clock p. m. and no din
ner prepared, what would you do?
NInth.-Give an instance OF anna
bility In woman. II your husband
should abuse you while making pies
what would you do with the rollinl
Ipin2
Tenth.-Are you a suffragette?
Eleyenth.-Do you approve OF tn
present fashion In dress for women?
Twelfth.-Do you object to the wor'
"obey" In the marriage service?
The idea of marriage by competitv