Evening public ledger. [volume] (Philadelphia [Pa.]) 1914-1942, 1914-10-17
THE Philadelphia politician, of whom
L Shakespeare says in Hamlet:

i Shakespeare says in Hamlet:
pohtican-one that would circumvent God
Is not always as bad as he is painted. Once
upon time the local Republican machine
elected a Mayor who was subservient and
obedient. In fact. he did so we'll that morn
! ing newspaper began crusade against hts
| political iniquity The fight waxed so warm
that one day the Mayor threatened to have
! a warrant for criminal libel served upon the
| editor and city editor Of the paper in ques-
tion. But the city editor declined to be fright
ened by what he knew to be a bluff" ant.
! he continued his battle, eventually winning
victory at the polls.
Time passed. The boss under whose thumb
the Mayor had been, became very ILL., He sent
for the city editor.
"Old man." said the boss, you and I have
fought each other day in and day out; but
you've been on the square. That - ex-
Mayor threatens to do you dirt the moment
I'm gone. I am going away for my health
and I expect to come back in a coffin. Jimmie
McNichol and my lawyer have in their safe
a paper which the then Mayor wanted me to
sign-one which would have caused you end
less trouble. have instructed McNichol that
If the ex-Mayor goes after you. to give you
that paper for your protection"
Israel w, Durham went away and came
back in his coffin. The ex-Mayor made no
attempt to annoy the city editor, for he had
heard of Durham's precaution.
TT YOU should happen to find a stray mon-
i key, do NOT send him to the Fifth District
police station. 1t would not be altogether
safe for the simian. And thereby hangs a
tale.
Sunday afternoon a gorgeous auto drove up
to the police station. A woman. resplendently
gowned. assisted TO the door by
liveried footman. She went up to the lieu
tenants desk.
MY pet monkey has been lost" she
drawled. Here is a description"
And when she had gone the policeman, who
happened to have been born in Dublin, read
the description. which wound up with:
Jimmie looks like an Irishmsn."
Which Is why the Fifth precinct police are
not enthusiastic In their search.
CHOULD the Kaiser die. which Is inevi-
Otable. OF course. he will be buried with
Imposing porrp and ceremony. 1t Is different
when Franz Josef OF Austria is called to his
fathers, the Hapsburgs. The latters body
will be taken in a simple coffin, by the most
direct road, 10 the monastery of the Capu-
chins near Vienna. The master OF ceremonies
will knock at the gate for there will be no
one 10 receive the cortege. A voice from
within will ask the identity of the visitor.
His Majesty, Emperor OF Austria, King of
Hungary. Duke Of styria. etc." will come
he reply.
II know no such man." win say the monk
behind the gate.
Twice this will be repeated then for the
htrd time. the Capuchin will ask: who Is
here?" This time. the master Of ceremonies
will reply;
'It is brother, Franz josef" and the
,ody will be admitted-for the Emperor can
ny be received as a humble human being.
! state funeral follows, as a matter OF course.
LIVERY time Dave Montgomery the actor,
u sees the American nag he bows low
hrioe pats himself on the back and utters
arious and sundry joyful exclamations. For
Then the war broke out Montgomery was in
aris. And here is what happened TO him;
Delayed in Paris.
Three days on the road to London
Thrty-stx hours on the pie at Dlspps
.thout food
Inability to get checks cashed Ia London
'erth for which he had paid on the Mau-
etania sold TO another.
Chased for days by German cruiser.
Forced to pay his railroad fare from Hail.
Az 10 New York
Arrived in the latter city, Montgomery
aid social visit to a German barber
"Vat you t'ink Of the war. yes?" asked
le barber razor poised above the actors
igular vein.
"I-I-rd rather not say" saspsd the
,median. and the pathos IN his voice vas
= simulated BRADFORD.