Saturday news. (Watertown, S.D.) 19??-19??, 1914-04-09

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Br The Nnw.PAsroR
Watch the air fly this fall. Two women running for the
same office.
!.
Burcalow should have Kempleized his canvass instead Of al
lowing it to be Kempleized BY others.
The Bull Moose is calling to Mitchell April 18th.
y > n \
Don't be- clam. You can be a bull mooser just as easy and
not lose any more friends.
' s.s ! :
Stitzel thinks he beat Johnny Ries. but he didn't. johnny
johnson had Johnny Ries beaten before stitzel got onto, the
bridge.
The bull moose is the only politician protected by law, and
you can legally take a shot at him this fall.
If the primaries had been two weeks farther off the p. o.
would have elected Johnny Ries in spite of John johnson.
y y y n
There are a lot Of excellent people who wouldn't find it out
if the schools were closed, but who get raving crazy when they
hear about closing the saloons.
Mark Twain advised US to tell the truth or trump, but get the
trick Some newspapers we could mention are always trumping.
In a matter Of keeping on your trail until he gets you the
bloodhound has to yield the palm to the bedbug.
What has become of the committee appointed many moons
ago to build an electric line to the lake. It is as silent as a pro
hibihon town.
Cigarettes and booze are to blame for a lot Of deaths, but
most men dig. their graves with their teeth.
y y y Y
Why does shtz Way resemble a bullheadY Because he was
50 easy to skin.
Why is Jimmy Mcfarland like a jackrabbitY Because the
machine hounds couldn't catch him.
~ y = y
Talk about a foot racer, that man Burcalow-wel! Did you
notice where the lady left HING
Elbert Hubbard says that a good, sensible, working bee
doesn't take advice from a bedbug on business.
A good dancer is supposed to be light on his feet. But real
doudr dancer is usually light at both ends:
Most Of us are 50 busy mourning what we haven't that we
forget to think Of what we have.
After a man has lied a long, long time he realizes that our
virtues are DENIED = our enemies and our faults are magniied
by our friends.
About this time Of year a man wonders whether # is his con
science or his liver that haunts him, and he doesn't know whether
to repent or take calomel.
The Transfer Bulletin is the latest pink thing on the street
at least, the latest We have seen. It claims to be able to do
miraculous things, like all the other pink pills.
One Of Watertoiwns elderly spinsters is both truthful and
humorous. Referring to a rumor that she was engaged she said:
sThere is not a word Of truth lin il, but thank God for the report. e,
What did the doctor say?' He felt ofJones' purse and
said there was no hope. Minnesota Minne-hasha.
Cohen (entering deicatessen store9-ssGif me some Of that
salmon
Prop--ssThat,s not salmon, that's ham,
Cohen-1sVen. Who asked what it wa s2M-Lehigh Burr.
81 thought yu had thrown arthur oyerg,s
81 did, but you know how a girl throws, '-Philadelphia
Public Ledger.
a Safe Speech for Diplomats.
When / say / am glad to be with you tonight | mean, of
course, glad to whatever extent the senate approves OF an ambas-
sador being glad that he is any place.
&H%@ When AT la that nnp bandc cfpnfrh aernSS IA caa r. n pof
wish to be understood as signifying any particular sea or any in
dlvidual hands, on any fixed altitude for the same; but i do like
the stretching idea.
Al OF which brings us, as human beings lyingI speak adj
Vlsedly--on the same planet, to the delicate subject of eggs.
r. fCheerS.1 Tt is n of Tho thinoS abant which es haua darad ~