davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-07-24

Pa, what is the short and ugly word?' Pay my son
 A DESIRE TO BE MODERN. Heres copy of fine painting" said the dealer. Tt is called The Cleaners. "Umph!' said Mr Newcoin. .Ain't you got an up-to-dat, farmin' picture showin' steam blow in operation?"
 EXTENSIVE SIGHTSEEING. "You visited Naples?" Yes"
 T presume you noticed how blue the bay was?"
 "oh, yes. And my wife noticed how blue I was after paying our hotel bill"
 MUCH CONCERNED. "1'll just be glad when summers gonep Said Arabella Golf; The sun will put a freckle on, But what will take it off?'
 NOT A HUNGER I've seen better days, num-" said the tramp at the door. T once did business in Wall street."
 You surprise me, said the sympathetic housewife. Did you deal in stocks and bcnds?"
 No, mum. Pencils wuz me line.s
 BY WAY OF PARENTHESIS.
 Cheer up. my friends,
 Twill do no harm
 To smile, cen though
 The weather's warm.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-07-24

naturalized Syrian in Yonkers, N Y, kiss the photograph of President Wilson and nearly sliced his finger off. The Syrian asked too much of his country man. There are plenty of patriotic citi- zens who wouldn't kiss the Presidents s photograph.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-07-24

The Atlantic City dancers who hesitated and tangoed to sacred airs would have no difficulty in convincing anyone that they didn't know it was church music.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-07-24

Twenty artists and IA newspaper re- porters are attending the trial of Mme Caillaux. People who expect to read every word" won't be disappointed.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-07-24

The Philadelphia Record confesses to an unfamiliarity with the "bue block speller Maybe it has heard of the blue back" speller?
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-07-24

of all parties as one of the greatest fi-
 ! nancial measures ever adopted. I be- lieve the so-calIed antitrust bills will be equally popular
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-07-24

The "armless wonder in a Coney Island show got married the other day and signed her marriage certificate with her foot. Must wear her wedding ring on her left foot.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-07-24

Pittsburg man was accidentally shot and killed as the result of tickling a friends nose with straw while the friend slept Now there is one humorist less in the world.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-07-24
IN MUDDY WATERS

From Judge.
 I've been catfishing all morning. .'Wherc?'
 "On the hotel piazza I've heard al the scandal of the place.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-07-24
ADRIFT WITH THE TIMES

ONLY HURT HER PRIDE. A woman in police court this morning said her husband pulled her hair" The brute. Out?' No; off"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-07-24

BEGINNING THE DAY-Grant me today, Q God, il hopeful spirit. May I expect much of myself. because l nm Thine. May I expect m"eh "i men. because they are rhine. May I expect much of the world, because it is Thine. May I rejoice In hope' because Thou art in Thy heaven. In Christ's name. Amen.-H. M E.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-07-24

The Shamrock " escaped the militants but she may not escape defeat.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-07-24

One of the new dances is called the Lame Duck" It must be some sort of drag.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-07-24
NEVER TOUCHED Is.

 Keep cheerful spite of stress and strife And don't become a churl. If oysters lived a painless life Wed never have a pearl
 Indianapolis Star. If oysters lived a painless life Twould not our pleasure furl; To tell the simple, downright truth. We never had a pearl.
 Houston Post, If oysters lived a painless life We would not greatly care For no doubt they would taste as good When on the bill of fare. MIGHT INTERFERE WITH ART" "Nowacays there are no knights errant aimed cap-a-pie who go about rescuins damsels in distress.'' Its lucky thing, too. They'd spoil some thrilling scenes in the movies"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-07-24

Huerta left without single 'good-by.' Still, he had that $6,000000.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-07-24
FATHERS WISE.

Pa, what is the short and ugly word?' Pay my son.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-07-24

A. J. Eaton. Jr.. and o. E. Young arc the only authorized traveling repre- sentatives of The Age-Herald in It's circulation department
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-07-24

No communication will be published without it's authors name. heJecleo manuscript will not be returned unless stamps are enclosed for that purpose.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-07-24

Entered at the Birmingham, Ala, postoffice as second class matter under act of Congress March 3. 1879.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-07-24

By Berton Braley. in the American Ma chinist
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-07-24

lcHARD SAVAGE. the English
 N poet, led a life that for the most v A part was filled with tragedy,
Harrisburg telegraph. [volume] (Harrisburg, Pa.) 1879-1948, 1914-02-20
WASHINGTON HOSE
CO. To CELEBRATE
73RD ANNIVERSARY
Many a Fire-fighter Of Prominence
Will Be Among Guests Of
the Evening

One of the biggest events of the
year in volunteer fiTemens circles will
be the celebration 81 the seventy-third
anniversary of the Washington Hose
Company, Chestnut street near Second
tonight. In previous years THE
Washy" has always held it's celebra-
tions on February %, but this date
falls on Sunday this year. and this
evening was selected for the celebra-
tion.
Prominent firemen of this city, in
Guiding many veteran fire-fighter
will be among the guests of the even
ing. Two of the oldest of the boys
Will be John koser and William Brod-
beck. who are among the oldest living
members of the Washington company
George Kennedy, president of the
company, will act as toastmaster. He
will give a history of the company
from the time it organized, with head
quarters in an old frame building al
Second street and Meadow lane. Later
the company moved to it's present
quarters. The company owns it's own
tuilding and purchased it's own ap-
paratus up to the time the present
combination hose and chemical wagon
was purchased by the city.
David and William Jauss, two yeter-
an members, will also give some inter
esting data. Addresses will be made
by Charles E. Ripper. secretary, and
Charles +. Spicer, assistant fire chief
and treasurer of the company. Covers
Will be laid for 100 guests. The ban
quet will start at s o'clock. r. L.
Ayars is chairman of the committee
in charge of arrangements.
The Washington Company was or
ganized February %, 1S41, and its
membership included many prominent
citizens. The first president was the
late Levi Wolfinger
Harrisburg telegraph. [volume] (Harrisburg, Pa.) 1879-1948, 1914-02-20
SURE WAY TO
END RHEUMATISM
Ease Stiff, Sore Joints and Mus.
cles. Makes Pains and Back
ache Promptly Vanish.

| 1t is needless to suffer any longer
with rheumatism, and be all crippled
up, and bent out of shape with its
heart-wrenching pains, when you car
surely avoid it.
rheumatism comes from weak. in
active kidneys, that fail to filter from
ithe blood. the poisonous waste matter
and uric acid; and it is useless to rub
I on hniments or take ordinary rene
dies to relieve the pain. This only
prolongs the misery and can't pos
slbly cure you.
The only way to cure rheumatism
is TO remove the cause. The new dis
covery, Croxone, does this because II
neutralizes and dissolves all the pois-
onous substances and uric acid that
Iouge In the joints and muscles. to
scratch and irritate and cause rheuma-
t1sm, and cleans out and strengthens
the stopped-up, inactive kidneys. So
they can filter all the poisons from
the blood and drive it on and out of
the system.
Croxone is the most wonderful
medfslne ever made for curing chronic
rheumatism, kidney troubles, and
bladder disorders. You will find 1t
different from all other remedies.
There Is nothing else on earth like It.
1t matters not how old you are, or how
long you have suffered. 1t is practical
~ impossible to take il into the hu-
man system without results. You will
md relief from the first few doses.
and You Will be surprised how quickly
all your misery and suffering will end.
An original package of Croxone
costs but trif1e at any f1rst-class drug
store. All druggists are authorized
TO sell 1t on positive money back
guarantee. Three doses a day for a
few days is often all that is ever need
ed to cure the worst backache or over
come urinary disorders.-Adverti
Harrisburg telegraph. [volume] (Harrisburg, Pa.) 1879-1948, 1914-02-20
STANDARD CLUSTERS
/. To SET AG[OW PLAZA
OF PENNSY STATION
Pennsy Authorities Have Data on
Subject Of Modern Lighting
System

The Pennsylvania Railroad Station
plaza will be lighted in the near future,
1t is expected. by cluster standards OF
the same type now in service in the
city's business district.
Plans for the installation have been
submitted to the Pennsy authorities
by the Harrisburg Light. and Power
Company.
A series of seven five-globe stand
ards, to be placed around the circle,
is the scheme contemplated. Lights
are to be stationed at each side OF
the entrances from Fourth and from
Market streets, another on the far
eastern side of the concourse and the
other two at the proper distances be-
tween to insure an equal distribution
of the light.
Should the scheme be adopted as
proposed, the ornamental lighting sys-
tenn that has given so much satisfac-
ton in the commercial district will
be extended to include the station
square. For years the old overhead
arcs have afforded the only light; OF
late years. however electric signs on
nearby buildings have helped some.
While the Pennsylvania Railroad
authorities are considering the project
of continuing the clusters into the
station plaza a plan for placing the
same kind of standards on the eastern
side of Third street from North to
Walnut streets is also being consid-
cred, it is said, by S. b. Rambo, State
Superintendent of Public Grounds and
Buildings.
Whether the State authorities will
take any definite steps toward placing
cluster standards on the park side of
Third street before the extension of
the Capitol Park zone is completed is
a question. 1t is possible that the
scheme may be carried out before the
park is extended. Sixteen of the clus-
ters would be stationed between Wal
nut and North streets and II is be-
lieved that If the State adopts the
scheme the city authorities will follow
suit on the western side of Third
street Locust street from Second to
Third will be included.
Data for the placing of the five
globe clusters at the intersections of
Sixth and Maclay. Third and Verbeke,
Derry and Thirteenth and Market and
Thirteenth streets is now in the hands
of Commissioner II. F. Bowman, su-
perintendent of public safety, and 1t is
expected that an ordinance providing
for the extensions will be offered in
the near future.
Harrisburg telegraph. [volume] (Harrisburg, Pa.) 1879-1948, 1914-02-20
bRUMbAUGH BOOM
IS FAVORED HERE
Friends Of Philadelphia Superin-
tendent Are Boosting Him
For the Nomination

Friends of DR.. Martin G.. Brum-
baugh in this county and Cumberland
have become very active in his behalf
since general mention of the Philadel-
phia school superintendent's name for
the Republican nomination for Gov
ernor has been heard. DR.. Brum-
baugh. who was formerly at Juniata
College, Huntingdon is a member OF
the State Board of Education and is
well known in this city because OF
numerous speeches he has made.
1t Is probable that if he consents to
run that nomination petitions for him
will be circulated here. Harrisburg
ers who have been in Philadelphia
and eastern counties lately say that
the talk Is all for Brumbaugh since II
is regarded as doubtful that ex-Gov-
ernor Stuart will be a candidate.
Harrisburg telegraph. [volume] (Harrisburg, Pa.) 1879-1948, 1914-02-20
Mr.. Martinran Finds Good Health
After Using Mayr's Won
derful Remedy.

c.. Martinran, of AZ Graves street
Union City, Pa, after long suffering
from ailments of the stomach and the
digestive tract. took Mayr's Wonderful
Stomach Remedy with the most re.
markable results.
The suffering of years was ended
with the first dose
Mr.. Martinran's experience is told
in letter-written a year after TAX.
ing the remedy, thus proving the per.
manent nature of the benefits. He
wrote:
1T has been year since took your
treatment, which / am sure did me g
great amount of good. My health al
present is good, thanks to your won.
derful remedy. l will always recon-.
mend ii to my friends"
Harrisburg telegraph. [volume] (Harrisburg, Pa.) 1879-1948, 1914-02-20
.BEEKEEPERS To
TALK SHOP TO-DAY
State Association Holding Its Tenth
Annual Meeting at the Cap
itol Today

The beekeepers of Pennsylvania
began their tenth annual convention
to-day in the House. caucus room at
the Capitol this afternoon and will
spend the rest of to-day and to-mor-
row talking over the business.
There about about $4,000 beekeep-
ers in this State and their product is
worth $1,000,000 a year. State Zoolo-
gist Surface is president and will make
a report on the State bee inspection
work and how diseases are reducing
the crop. 1t is estimated that there
are over $4,000 hives, of which the
State has been able to inspect but
600.
II. p. Faucet of Brandywine Sum-
NIT, and Harold Horner, Fisherville
read papers this afternoon, and this
evening Secretary of Agriculture
Critchfeld will speak. The Rev. c.
Fossold, of Williamstown: Inspector
George H. Rea and DR.. Surface will
also speak tonight.
Harrisburg telegraph. [volume] (Harrisburg, Pa.) 1879-1948, 1914-02-20
SYRUP OF figs" FOR
C0NsT|PATED CHILD
Delicious Fruit Laxative"
can't harm stomach, liver
and bowels

Every mother realizes, after giving
her children California Syrup Of
Figs" that that this Is their ideal
laxative, because they love it's pleas
ant taste and it thoroughly cleanses
the tender little stomach, liver and
bowels without gripping.
When cross, irritable, feverish or
breath is bad, stomach sour, look at
the tongue, mother! If coated, give
a teaspoonful of this harmless fruit
laxative" and in a few hours all the
foul, constipated waste. sour bile and
undigested food passes out of the
bowels and you have a well, playful
child again. When its little system is
full of cold. throat sore, has stomach
ache, diarrhoea, indigestion. colic-re-
member. a good Inside cleaning
should always be the first treatment
given.
Millions of mothers keep Cali
fornia Syrup of Figs" handy; they
know a teaspoonful to-day saves a
sick child Tomorrow Ask your drug
gist for 50-cent bottle of Cali
fornia Syrup of Figs" which has di-
rections for babies, children of all
ages and grown-ups printed on the
bottle. Beware of counterfeits sold
here, so don't be fooled. Get the gem
uine, made by California Fig Syrup
Company"
Harrisburg telegraph. [volume] (Harrisburg, Pa.) 1879-1948, 1914-02-20
To Put an End to All
Superfluous Hair
Advice to Ladies' Who Have Been
Deceived and Disappointed
BY A SPECIALIST

Thousands of ladies and even young
girls have learned to their sorrow that
II does not pay to trifle with hairy
growths on the face and arms by try
Ing to remove them with worthless
pastes, powders and liquid depilatories
that smell awfully and burn like mad.
A well-known woman who succeeded
in entirely and painlessly destroying
all trace of her hairy growth has ar
ranged to put on public sale the scien-
tific discovery that cured her after all
else failed 1t Is simple. inexpensive,
harmless and amazingly effective treat
ment which she has called Mrs. Os-
goods Wonder. 1t never fails to re-
move all trace of superfluous hair alb
solutely without pain or injury to the
skin or complexion and I'm a surpris-
ingly large number of cases has killed
the hair roots so Ii has never returned
You can get 1t from Kennedy's Medi-
cine Store. or any up-to-date druggist
of money back IL 1t fails. Ask for It
by name. Mrs. Osgood's Wonder"
Signed guarantee with every package
If you have tried all the advertised
depilatories in vain and want sure,
quick results this new method de-
serves your Immediate attention. Let
me caution you however not to apply
Mrs. Osgoods Wonder to hair growths
YOU do not wish totally destroyed. -
Advertisement.
Harrisburg telegraph. [volume] (Harrisburg, Pa.) 1879-1948, 1914-02-20
Union City Stomach Victim Tells
How He Regained Health Quickly

This letter is typical of those writ
ten by the thousands of users Of Mayr's
Wonderful Stomach Remedy in all
parts of the country. 1t is known
everywhere. The first dose convinces
no long treatment.
Mayr's Wonderful Stomach Remedy
clears the digestive tract of mucoid
accretions and poisonous matter. 1t
brings swift relief to sufferers from
ailments of the stomach, liver and
bowels. Many declare 1t has saved
them from dangerous operations;
many are sure it has saved their lives.
Because of the remarkable success
of this remedy there are many imi-
tators, so be cautious. Be cure it's
MAYR'S. Go to Geo. A. Gorgas' drug
store and ask about the wonderful
results it has accomplished in cases
they know-or send to Geo. Fl. Mayr,
Mfg. Chemist, 154-156 Whiting St,
Chicago, ILL.,, for free book on stomach
ailments and many letters from CRATE
full people who have been restored.
Any druggist can tell you its wonder
full effects ts-AdVertiSement
Harrisburg telegraph. [volume] (Harrisburg, Pa.) 1879-1948, 1914-02-20
.RES|NOL HEALS
ITCHING ECZEMA
The Easy Way to Get Rid of
Tormenting, Unsightly
Skin Eruptions.

If your skin itches and burns with
eczema or other tormenting, unsightly
skin trouble, simply wash the sore
places with Resinol Soap and hot
water, dry, and apply little Resinol
Ointment.
The itching stops instantly. you no
longer have to dig and scratch, sleep
becomes possible, and healing begins
at once. That is because the soothing,
antiseptic Resinol medication strikes
right into the surface, arrests the ac-
ton of the disease ana lets the tor
tured, infiamed skin rest, almost al
ways restoring it to perfect health
quickly. easily and at little cost.
Resinol Soap and Resinol Ointment
are also speedily effective in even Sc
we're and stubborn cases of pimples,
blackheads, dandruff, sores and piles.
Prescribed by doctors for over
eighteen years. and sold by practically
every druggist. For free trial, write
to Dept. 45-R. Rcsinol. Baltimore, Md.
Don't be deceived by inferior 'subSti
tutes. Advertisement.
Harrisburg telegraph. [volume] (Harrisburg, Pa.) 1879-1948, 1914-02-20
How She Discarded
Unsightly Complexion
Mona Morrow in Town Tattler

How often I exclaimed as r beheld
my ugly complexion in the mirror. IF
/ only could tear off this old skin!'
And, do you know, I've learned how
to do that very thing? Not to actually
remove the entire skin all of sudden ;
that would be too heroic method and
painful, too, I imagine. The worn-out
cutlcle comes off in such tiny particles,
and so neutrality-suspicious. about ten
days to complete the transformation -
1t doesn't hurt, bit. Day by day the
beautiful complexion underneath comes
forth. Marvellous! No matter how
muddy. rough, blotchy or aged your
complexion. you can surely discard 1t
by this simple process. Just get an
ounce of ordinary mercolized wax at
your druggists, apply nightly like cold
cream, washing it off mornings
My wrinkles l got rid of by an equal
ly simple method. BY dissolving an
ounce OF powdered saxolite in a half
pint witch hazel and bathing my face
in the solution, every line Completely
disappeared. First the finer lines, final
ly even the deeper crows feet, vanish
entirely.
Harrisburg telegraph. [volume] (Harrisburg, Pa.) 1879-1948, 1914-02-20
Fishing Steamer, With
II Men on Board, Sinks

Bremen, Germany. Feb. 20. The
large fishing steamer Ferelle, which
left Goestemunde in the middle of
December for Iceland, sank with its
entire crew of thirteen men in those
waters. according to dispatches re-
ceived here to-day.
The Ferelle had been reported miss
ing and a search for her was begun
last month.
Harrisburg telegraph. [volume] (Harrisburg, Pa.) 1879-1948, 1914-02-20
HORSES WE'RE NOT STOLEN
BY Associated Press

Hachita. n. NJ. Feb. 2O.-The troo,
horses which it was believed had beer
stolen from Lieutenant Hunt by Mexi
cans nearly all have been recovered
They were not stolen. Led by trooI
horse raised in this section, the rider
less cavalcade broke loose unaided anc
headed without stop to a patch Of
grass and cool water twenty-five mile.
away. There they We're found yester.
day, grazing.
Harrisburg telegraph. [volume] (Harrisburg, Pa.) 1879-1948, 1914-02-20
MRS. HARRIET MILLER DIES
AT HOME OF HER DAUGHTER

Mrs. Harriet Miller, aged 81 years.
widow of John Miller, boatman. OF
cambridge, Pa, died last evening, at
$3.50 o'clock, at the home of her daugh-
ter Mrs. Q. p. Keller, 1889 Sixth street.
Mrs. Miller will be buried at Balm
bridge on Monday afternoon, at 2
o'clock, following services in the Bethel
taken to cambridge on Monday morn
ing. Surviving Mrs. Miller are two
daughters, Mrs. Emanuel Stump. of
cambridge. and Mrs. O. p Keller. this
city. and two sons, Jonas Miller. Of
cambridge, and Jackson Miller. of Lam
caster. Pa. Mrs. Miller was the mother
of eleven children, and had twenty
great-grandchildren and five great
great-grandchildren
Harrisburg telegraph. [volume] (Harrisburg, Pa.) 1879-1948, 1914-02-20
Prices Will Advance Feb. %

On Monday, February 23, all Ma
tional Cash Registers selling for less
than 800. will be advanced $500. All
Registers selling for 500 and over
will be advanced $40 in price. Place
your order before Monday, 23rd, at
old prices. N. r. Black, Sales Agent.
No 105 Market street. Both .fele
phones.-Advertisem
Harrisburg telegraph. [volume] (Harrisburg, Pa.) 1879-1948, 1914-02-20
POLISH NOBLEMAN ON TRIAL
By Associated Press

Meseritz, Germany. FEB. 20.-Count
Matthias Brudzewo- -Mielzyski, a Po-
lish nobleman and member of the
German imperial parliament, was
placed on trial here to-day for killing
his wife and her nephew, count Alfred
Miaczinski. The two were found dead
on December 20 at the country seat of
the countess at Dakowy Mokrz, near
GraetZ
Harrisburg telegraph. [volume] (Harrisburg, Pa.) 1879-1948, 1914-02-20
LT.-CoMMANDER CURTIN DIES
By associated Press

Annapolis Nd, Feb. 20.-Lieuten-
ant Commander Roland 1. Curtin died
at the Naval Hospital here to-day
after an illness of several weeks. Com
mander Curtin was appointed to the
Naval Academy from Pennsylvania.
He was a granddaughter of Governor
Curtin. the War Governor of Penn
sylvania, and native of Bellefonte.
Harrisburg telegraph. [volume] (Harrisburg, Pa.) 1879-1948, 1914-02-20
IMPORTANT NOTICE

On Monday, February 2S. all Ma
tionaf Cash Registers selling for less
than 500, will be advanced $500. All
Registers selling for 500 and over
will be advanced $40 in price. Place
your order before Monday, 23rd, at
old prices. n. r. Black, Sales Agent,
No. 105 Market street. Both tele-
phones.-Advertisem
Harrisburg telegraph. [volume] (Harrisburg, Pa.) 1879-1948, 1914-02-20
Deaths and Funerals
SIMONs FUNERAL

Funeral services for John T. Simons.
the former policeman. who died We'd
nesday morning at his home, 1908 Penn
street. were held this afternoon The
Rev. John NJ. Warden. pastor of Beth
any Presbyterian Chapel, officiated.
Burial was made in the Paxtang Gene
terry.
Harrisburg telegraph. [volume] (Harrisburg, Pa.) 1879-1948, 1914-02-20
FUNERAL OF MRS. MUENCH

Funeral services of Mrs. adelaide E
Muench. widow of the late Isaac S.
Muench, who died Tuesday morning at
her home, 1852 State street, were held
this afternoon. The Rev. s. Winfield
Herman, pastor of Zion Lutheran
Church. conducted the services. Burial
was made in the Harrisburg Cemetery
Harrisburg telegraph. [volume] (Harrisburg, Pa.) 1879-1948, 1914-02-20
OHIO RIVER Is RISING

Evansville. Ind, Feb 20.-The Ohio
river continued to rise rapidly hero
to-day. 1t is predicted it will pass
the danger line of thirty-five feet by
the middle of next week. Flood waters
are reported in the Wabash and its
tributaries near here.
Harrisburg telegraph. [volume] (Harrisburg, Pa.) 1879-1948, 1914-02-20
FUNERAL OF MRS. WHITE

FuneraI serVlces OF Mrs. David ].
White. who died early yesterday morn
ing at her home 1915 North street. will
be held this evening at 3 o'clock. at
her late home. Burial will be made IN
Duncannon Saturday morning.