Evening star., 1914-12-13
ELECTION VICTIMS
ARE ROASTED RARE
BY YGR|D|RON CLUB
CONTINUED from First PageD

second and that Barnes was bottle
holder. He insisted upon the elfmfna-
tion of Penrose and Barnes. saving
they were the ones who made u. y. r.
take the count last time.
"G'wn," said Penrose. after this fight
is over Wen make the Bull Moose look
like bull mouse
The announcer declared that the win
ner would be given chance at a house
and lot located at No. 1900 Pennsyl-
vania avenue: the contest would be un-
der the rules of the House OF Repre-
gouging, biting and kicking would be
allowed. Bill Sulzer. the East Side
terror. would challenge the winner.
The Mill Begins.
The fighters shook hands, 81 brought
peace to Mexico-that for you." said
Kid Democracy. landing with his right
on G.. o. p.
"You closed all the mills-biff. bang
How did you like that one?' said q.
o. P.
You are crippled old party and the
creature of the predatory interests. put
fed the Kid who-eatS- tentative.
You've thrown thousands of men out
of work and put a tax on beer, shouted
his adversary, as he cIinched with the
Kid and handed him few.
lie nlttlnS me WITH ms tdI ia
knuckles," cried the Kid in distress
The referee separated them and they
retired to the corners where their re-
spective attendants vigorously famed
them. The audience could hear the ad-
vice Of the seconds to their principals.
G. o. 2. was advised to "use your tariff
knuckles on him more and more: that is
the way to wear him down." and when
you get chance soak that bull moose,
he's the Fellow that Is keeping you from
DpmOCracV
give him a little more Of that Mexican
ch.li-concarne and some of that Andrew
Carnegie DOPE
The second round was grand mix-up
and above the thud of body blows the
audience heard such expressions as these:
'The Underwood tariff caused the
European war;
No; Penrose caused the war
Free trade caused the war and made
the yodlers stop singing and caused the
French revolution and the great wind in
Ireland and the fall Of the Chinese EN-
pire.''
Finally Kid Democracy and Bull Moose
took the count. G. o. p. proudly de-
claiming himself to be ''an old party that
can come back but Kid Democracy
would not have it so.
Il have not been licked" he cried, ''but
vindicated."
Uncle Sans Jubilee.
Uncle Sans Jubilee" was the sub
ject of skit rendered by the music
committee of the club. In the cast
were Uncle Sam. a typical politician.
representative of each of the American
possessions over seas, n gentleman of
color. an artisan, a farmer. fnancier
and Col. Watterson and Col. Harvey.
Dear nephews and wards" said
Uncle Sam, II have invited you here
this evening to discuss the state OF the
Union and to give you an opportunity
to air your grievances If you have any.
We are happy family and / am proud
of you. SO speak up and state your
wishes. Mr.. Bones. where are you
from?''
Use from Kentucky, sah."
The home of the immortal Henry
Clay?'
"Yes. sab, and Ollie James, too
We'll, what does your heart crave?"
jobs dat amt got no tenants I'm will
ing to sacrifice my pussonal interests
for my country"
Have you taken the civil service ex-
animation"
Civil service! Nah goodness, Uncle
Sam. dat civil service has sentenced
more good culled voters to the levees
and the cotton fields dan any other
pernicious legislation enacted"
why, aren't you satisfed?"
Yes. sab, we'se satisfied, but we'd
feel more settled If we got more jobs"
Whereupon he proceeded to recite his
grievances In song to the tune of "Old
Uncle Ned"
Old Uncle Ned.
There was an old delegate. his name was Uncle
He lived long ago. long ago;
he went to conventions whenever he was bid
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