Fulton County tribune. (Wauseon, Ohio) 1883-1925, 1914-07-03
THE NEW FABLE OF THE ROIST-
ERING BLADES WHO ABSORBED
THE MAGNETIC CURRENT d.
RECT FROM THE CENTRAL
STORAGE PLANT.

Out in the Celery Belt of the Hin
terland there is stunted Flag Station. /
Number Six, carrying one Day !
Coach and a Combination Baggage |
and Stock Car, would pause long
enough to unload Bucket of Oysters
and take on a Crate of Eggs.
In this Settlement the Leading Citi-,
zens still wear Gum Arctics with large
Buckles and Parched Corn is served
at Social Functions. k
Two highly respected Money-Getters
of pure American Stock held forth in
this lonesome Kraal and did General
Merchandising.
One was called Milt, in honor of the
Blind Poet, and the other claimed the
following brief Monniker. to wit:
Henry.
Neither of, them had to pay the Wo-
man who did the Housework.
Henry and Milt got what they could
during the Daytime and always stood
ready to trim up the Dark Lanterns
and operate at Night.
These two Pillars of Society had
marched at the head of the Women
and School Children during the Dry
Movement which banished King Alco-
hoI from their Fair City.
AS result of their Efforts Liquor
was not to be obtained in this Town
except at the Drug Stores and Restaur-
ants or in the Cellar underlying any
well-conducted Home.
For Eleven Months and Three
Weeks out of every Calendar year
these two played Right and Left
Tackle in the Stubborn Battle to Up
lift the Community and better the
Moral Tone.
They walked the Straight and Mar
| row, wearing Binders, Check-Reins,
Hobbies and Interference Pads.
Very often a Mother would hurry
her little Brood to the Front Window
when Milt or Henry passed by carry
ing under his arm Package Of Corn
Flakes and the Report of the General
Secretary in charge of Chinese Mis-
sionary Work.
4 Look" she would say, indicating
4 Local Paragon with index Finger IF
you always wash behind the Ears and
i learn your Catechism, you may grow
up to be like Him"
But-every Autumn, about the time
the Frost is on the Stock Market and
Wall Street is in the Shock, Milt and
Henry would do Skylark Ascension
from the Home Nest and Wing away
toward the Rising Sun.
/ They called it Fall Buying. because
both of them Bought and both of them
Fell.
AT Home neither of them would
Kick In for any Pastime more worldly
than 10-cent M. p Show depicting a
large number of Insane People falling
over Precipices.
The Blow-Off came on the Trip to
the City. That was the Big Show.
Every Nickel that could be held out
went into the little Tin Bank, for they
knew that when they got together 100
of these Washers, man up in New
York would let them have some Tiff
fany Water of Rare Vintage, with a
Napkin wrapped around it as an Evi-
dence of Good Faith.
On Winter Evenings, Milt would
don the Velvet Slippers and grill his
Lower Extremities on the ornate Por-
tico such as surrounds every high
price Base-Burner
While thus crisping himself he loved
to read News Notes from Gotham,
signed Carolyn Stuyvesant, who
seemed to have the Entree into the
Best Houses
4 1 !
He did not know that Carolyn had
tangled Whfskers and jotted down his
Boudoir Secrets in Weinstube using
borrowed Pencil,
So he believed what it said in the
Paper about well-known Heiress hav-
ing the Teeth of her favOrite Pomer-
anian filled with Radium at a Cost OF
100000.
Whenever he got this kind of a
( Private Peek into the Gay Life of the
| Modern Babylon, he began to breathe
through his Nose and tug at the
sLeash.
He longed to dash away on the Erie
to look at the Iron Fence in front OF
the Home OF. the Pomeranian.
When the Day of Days arrived, Mill
and Henry would be seen at the Depot
with congested Suit-Cases and theil
Necks all newly shaven and powdered
for the approaching Jubilee.
Each had. pinned into his college
made Suit enough currency to lift the
Debt on the Parsonage.
, Already they we're smoking Foreigr
, Cigars and these we're mere Hint Of
what the Future had in Store.
While waiting for Number Six they
wired for Two Rooms and Two Baths
: and to have Relays waiting in the
Manicure Parlor.
Up at the Junction. where they
caught the Limited. they moved into
the High and began to peel from the
Roll
The Steak ordered in the Dining
Car hung over the edge of the Table
and they scuf1ed to see which one
would pay the Check.
AS for the Boy in the Buffet, every
time he heard Sound like 25 cents
he came out Of the Dark Room and
! began to open small Original Pack
ages.
When they approached the Metrop
, oils, via the Tunnel. they though
they were riding in on Curtiss Bi
Plane
Between the Taxi and the Register
they stopped to shake hands with ar
Old Friend who wore White Sui
and was known from Coast to Coas
, as the originator of Pick-Me-UI
, which called for everything back o.
the Working Board except the Ii
cense and the Bicarbonate of Soda.
The Clerk let on to remember then