davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Northern Wisconsin advertiser. [volume] (Wabeno, Wis.) 1898-1925, 1914-02-06
Showing George Up.

William J. Burns, the detective, was
congratulated in Pittsburgh on a sue
cessful coup.
My success" said Mr.. Burns, was
due tn the fact that l went to the
right source for my facts. You must
always know the right source to go to
then your facts will be valuable.
It's like the sister story.
Nobody like sister, you know, to
give you line on a young man. Thus
girl had just got engaged to fine,
handsome chap, and she said to this
chaps sister one day:
Next Thursday is Georges birth
day, and / don't know what to give
him. VIII you, as his sister, under
standing all his tastes as you do, sug-
gest some present for him.
"'Oh, / hardly know what to sug-
gest,' said the sister, careiessly; but
from my knowledge of George, |
should say that he'd prefer something
that he could pawn easily"
Northern Wisconsin advertiser. [volume] (Wabeno, Wis.) 1898-1925, 1914-02-06
Self-Criticism.

A business man who had amasseo
a comfortah bic fortune, lost it in spec
ulation. He became d travelling sales
man, and having to work every ham
let and country store in order to nake
ends meet, he found himself one night
crossing pasture where a number OF
mules were grazing.
Now it is a we'll known fact thai
those animals, particularly after dark
will follow III single file any moving
object that attracts their attention
This they proceeded &c do, stepping
sedately and at regular intervals be
hind him.
When the worried man, Immersed
in his troubles, looked over his shout
der and saw the sort of procession he
was heading, he stopped. Then, al
though he had only the rising moon
to share the spectacle, he said, sol
emily:
Right, you are, boys. You know
me. I'm the biggest donkey of you
all!"--Youth's Companion.
Northern Wisconsin advertiser. [volume] (Wabeno, Wis.) 1898-1925, 1914-02-06
YOUTH WAS A LITTLE BITTER
Uncle's Quite Natural Desire Did Not
Seem to Him to Be Altogether
Reasonable.

Howard is quite spendthrift. His
only living relative is an old uncle
who is not; and there are other differ
ences between Howard and his un-
Gle, says the Cleveland Plain Dealer.
However, one day not long ago our
young hero more or less efficiently APP
preached his avuncular relative with
the intimation that it would be a
graceful thing for the old chap to
loosen up.
Young man. said the uncle, you
are a spendthrift. If / had money
would not give it to you. But have
no money. You seem to think / have
a treasure hidden away somewhere.
Get rid of that notion. l have saved
up sum large enough to bury me de-
Gently when l die, and that is all.
Now, get Quit"
A friend of Howard asked him lit
tie later in the day why he looked so
thoughtful.
Il was just wondering" he, said,
where that old fellow got the idea
that he ought to be buried decently. '
Northern Wisconsin advertiser. [volume] (Wabeno, Wis.) 1898-1925, 1914-02-06

There's no rest and but little peace
for person whose kidneys are out of
order.
Lame in the morning, suffering cricks
In the back and sharp stabs of pain
with every sudden strain, the day is
just one round of pain and trouble.
1t would be strange if alld day back
ache did not wear on the temper, but
it is not only on that account that
people who suffer with weak kidneys
are nervous, cross and irritable.
Uric acid is poison to the nerves,
and when the kidneys are not working
well, this acid collects in the blood
and works upon the nerves, causing
headache, dizziness, languor, an in
clination to worry over triles, and a
suspicious, short temper.
Rheumatic pain, neuralgia, sciatica,
lumbago, neuritis and gravel are fur
Their steps in uric acid poisoning.
Don't neglect kidney weakness. An
aching back, with unnatural passages
of the kidney secretions. is cause
enough to suspect the kidneys. Use
Doan's Kidney Pills, a remedy which
has been used for years, the world
Northern Wisconsin advertiser. [volume] (Wabeno, Wis.) 1898-1925, 1914-02-06
Children Not Naturally Destructive.

(HltQFSn NOt NATURALLY OCSLEGSttNCs
Be gentle with the child who
smashes his toys. The fault is not
his, but yours, who provided him With.
toys too complicated for his Immature
little mind to understand. Dottoressa
Maria Montessori, in her lecture at
Carnegie hail, said little children were
not naturally destructive, as most par
ents had reason to suppose, but that
the instinct to pull the object TO
pieces was the only natural thing for
a child to do with something 1t did
not understand Most toys given to
children are too complicated, Doctor
Montessori asserted.
Instead of expecting children TO
amuse themselves with toys they do
not understand, mothers should as
sumo more responsibility for their
children's entertainment" she contin-
ued THE mother who drives her
child away from her side when she is
working makes a pitiful mistake Ii
is impossible to estimate the effect
upon the child's mind If he were
never turned away, if he could always
be sure of sympathy and understand
ing from the person he loves most
Of ALL"
Northern Wisconsin advertiser. [volume] (Wabeno, Wis.) 1898-1925, 1914-02-06
Is Typhoid Conquered?

Vaccination 10 prevent smallpox is
SC general in this country and has
been so effective in abolishing what
was formerly one of the most destruc-
tive scourges of the human race that
nearly everybody except the small
number of people whose temperament
predisposes them to take the other
side" accepts it as matter OF course
and recognizes in il one Of the great
est blessings conferred by modern
medical advancement. But typhoid
vaccination is somewhat comparative
iy new, with which the public as a
whole is not familiar. let it viii be
well for the public 10 take heed of the
results that have been obtained by its
use in the United States army
Cleveland Leader.
Northern Wisconsin advertiser. [volume] (Wabeno, Wis.) 1898-1925, 1914-02-06
WOULDN'T TRUST THE GATOR
Darkey Had by No Means Lost His
Faith, But He Was Just a Little
Apprehensive.

Bishop Mcdowell tells a story about
a southern baptism. A colored preach
er was dipping his converts in the wa
ters of a tropical stream when one old
darkey saw a crocodile summing him
self on the opposite bank. When his
turn came to be immersed he drew
back, casting terror-stricken eyes al
the sleeping saurian.
What's de mattah wild yo', brud
der" said the parson; "yo' all amt
skeered o dat dar gator, is yo'?'
The darkey admitted frankly that
he was.
Don yo all member de story oh
Jonah an de whale, an how de whale
dun spit up Jonah on de shoah?"
Yes, passon, All members erbout
Jonah. But dat whale dun hab con
science. Dat gator looks lax he might
go to sleep an fergit all erbout me-"
Northern Wisconsin advertiser. [volume] (Wabeno, Wis.) 1898-1925, 1914-02-06
MISSED LITTLE "PILE"
JOKE THAT WAS VERY MUCH ON
THE TWO PlckPOckETS
Fortunate for the OId-Fashioned Won
an That They Had Not Thought
to Open It for Any
Purpose.

Granted that a person wishes to d.
well whatever he sets out to do, NJ
matter what the nature of the under
taking, there must have been twt
chagrined young men on an Eight
avenue car Wednesday evening, say:
the New York Times. They rode VI
town at the rush hour. Crowded onto
the rear platform where they stoo(
were several other men and one WON
an. The woman was old-fashioneC
enough to wear dress with pockei
in it. Some time during the trip from
Thirty fourth street to Fifty-ninth ont
of the men found the pocket and ex
tracted its contents.
At the Circle the woman, unaware
of her loss, pushed into the car ant
found a seat. Presently the solemnitJ
of the tired crowd was disturbed BY
a burst of hilarity on the platform
The two young fellows were chatting
each other in boisterous tones.
You're a jay, you are said one
"Anybody'd think you had spent al
your life rolling over plowed ground
What you going to do with it? KeeI
it?'
NO." was the reply. Whats tbs
use? 1t amt no good"
The woman listened inattentively tt
the loud remarks and wondered, in {
istless way, what they had reference
to. She nearly collapsed when she
found out At Eighty-sixth street the
conductor came through the car hold
ing out a small leather-bound prayer
book, which, when folded, might have
been easily mistaken for pocket
book.
This belong to anybody in this
carr" he asked
Several passengers appealed tc
shook their heads. Presently he
stopped before the woman. This
yours, he asked.
Hastily the woman felt in her peck
ct.
YES, it is" she said. where in
the world"
Guess you must have lost it. Some
fellows out there picked it up ant
handed it over to me-"
The woman turned cold all over
Give it here, quick" she said. q
want to see"
Words were not required to tel
what it was she wanted to see. The
pause was filled up eloquently by hel
actions. Rapidly she turned the
leaves till she came to kind G.
nccket fastened between the page:
at the back. From this she drew two
SO bills.
Il declare if | didn't forget all abou
leaving them in there" she said
Thank goodness they didn't get lost
The two boodlums on the platform
eyed the bills greedily.
Jay" said one Of them, lis no name
for US fellows
Northern Wisconsin advertiser. [volume] (Wabeno, Wis.) 1898-1925, 1914-02-06
ANOTHER COFFEE WRECK
What's the Use Whsn There's an Easy
Way Out?

Along with the coffee habit has
grown the prevalent American Dis
ease"-nervous prostration.
The following letter shows the way
out of the trouble:
Five years ago ! was a great cof-
fee drinker and from its use ! be-
came so nervous I could scarcely
sleep at all nights. My condition grew
worse and worse until finally the ply
stefan consulted declared my trou-
bles were due to coffee.
But being so welded to the bev-
erage did not see how / could do
without it, especially at breakfast,
as that meal seemed incomplete with
out coffee.
"On visit, my friends deprived me
of coffee to prove that it was harm
full. At the end of about eight days
/ was less nervous, but the craving
for coffee was intense, so went back
to the old habit as soon as got home
and the old sleepless nights came
near making wreck of me.
Il heard Of Postum and decided to
try it. / did not like 1t at FIRST, be-
cause, as | afterwards discovered, it
was not made properly. l found, how
ever, that when made after directions
on the package, it was delicious.
1T had a soothing effect on my
nerves, and none of the bad effects
that coffee had, so l babe farewell to
coffee and have used only Postum
since. The most wonderful account of
the benefit to be derived from
Postum could not exceed my own ex-
perience"
Name given by Postum Co., Battle
Greek, Mich. Write for copy OF The
Road to MELVILLE"
Postum now comes in two forms:
Regular Postum-must be well
boiled.
Instant Postum-is q soluble pow
der. A teaspoonful dissolves quickly
In a cup of hot water and, with cream
and sugar. makes delicious bever-
age instantly. Grocers sell both kinds.
There's a Reason" for Postum.
Northern Wisconsin advertiser. [volume] (Wabeno, Wis.) 1898-1925, 1914-02-06
Practical Celebration.

He was idealistic and poeticai She
was PRACTICAL good matrimonial
combination. He came home one even
ing after a hard day at the office and
said: Maria, my dear, do you real
lie that tomorrow will be our wooden
wedding? We ought to celebrate the
occasion somehow, don't you Think
And she said: Hank, my darling, |
know it. Been thinking about 1t all
day and have it all arranged. l have
ordered big wagon load of kindling
to be delivered tomorrow afternoon,
and you will come home early from
the office and carry 1t into the eel
lar"
Northern Wisconsin advertiser. [volume] (Wabeno, Wis.) 1898-1925, 1914-02-06
a DOctOr'S First
Question Is
~ ore Your BOWeLs?" a Sim
PIE Kennedy that Guarantees
Good Bowel Action.

Trace the origin Of the commoner
4i.s OF lie and almost invariably you
"ni nnd that constipation was the
cause. 1t Is not to be expected that a
mass OF fermented food can remain in
tne system beyond its time without vi
tia1lhg the blood and affecting the
NERVES and muscles. 1t congests the
entire body.
Inc results are colds, fevers, piles,
headaches, and nervousness, with it's
accompanying Indigestion and sleep
le3sness. There is only one thing to
do, and that is to remove the trouble.
anu When nature seems unable to do
It, outside aid is necessary. You will
hhd the BEST of all outside aids a rem
cay mat many thousands are now US
ing Tor this very purpose, called DR..
'-aloWelfs Syrup Pepsin. Many hun
oreds OF letters are received by Dr.
Caldwell telling of the good results
optalned, and among the enthusiastic
letters is one from Lieut.. G. w.
vaughan, of 623 w. North ST., Decatur
Iii. lie is 70 and has had bad liver
and stomach since he came out of the
army. He says he tried about every.
thing, but never succeeded in getting
permanent relief until he took DIR
CaldWelPs Syrup Pepsin. He is never
without a bottle in the house, and he
is never without good health.
1t has untold advantages over pills
salts and the various coarse cathartics
Northern Wisconsin advertiser. [volume] (Wabeno, Wis.) 1898-1925, 1914-02-06
His Vow Came to an Anti-cIlmax.

A much-bearded man rambled into a
barber shop and submitted to shave,
a haircut, shampoo, SINCE, mas
sage and everything else the barber
could think Of at the same time listen
ing with keenest enjoyment to the
tonsorialist's remarks abouc all things
on earth and in the waters under the
earth. So long before that he had for
gotten the gentleman's name and
what office he was running for the old
man had vowed never to be shaved or
shorn until So-and-So was elected
When he at last awoke to realization
that nobody cared If he never shaved
he concluded to shave just to show 'em
that he didn't care whether they cared
or not.-Kansas City Star.
Northern Wisconsin advertiser. [volume] (Wabeno, Wis.) 1898-1925, 1914-02-06

well and hearty and weigh about
zoo pounds. I feel very grateful that
found Dodds Kidney Pills and you
may publish this letter if you wish. |
am serving my third term as Probate
Judge of Gray Co. Yours truly,
PHILIP MILLER, Cimarron, Kan.
Correspond with Judge Miller about
this wonderful remedy.
Dodds Kidney Pills, soc. per box at
your dealer or podds Medicine Co,
Buffalo, N. Y. Write for Household
Hints. also music Of National Anthem
English and German words) and re-
cipes for dainty dishes. All 3 sent free.
Adv
Northern Wisconsin advertiser. [volume] (Wabeno, Wis.) 1898-1925, 1914-02-06
WOULD ALMOST FAINT
Cured After Doctors F.uIed

Mrs. Henry Zumach. Hutchinson, finn,
says: Last winter terrible, sharp pain
caught me in my back and from that time
on l had a constant backache. If | used
a broom, it just seemed as if my back was
breaking. / was ip misery day and night
and at times j got so dizzy thought I
was going to faint. At night, had TO put
q pillow under my back for the slight re-
lief that this gave me. 1 got so weak |
couldn't do anything. The doctor said 1
had q floating kidney and two specialists
in Minneapolis said the same. The phys
icfans' medicine didn't help me a bit and
reading about Doan's Kidney Pills, had
someone get me q box. AS soon as l. be-
gan using them, got better and by the
time had finished the third box, didn't
have bit of pain. / can now do any
kind of work without suffering and all
the symptoms of kidney complaint have
left me- Doan's Kidney Pills have GER
taiuly spared me a great deal OF misery
and suffering. am only too glad to rec
ommend them to other kidney sufferers. ="
Northern Wisconsin advertiser. [volume] (Wabeno, Wis.) 1898-1925, 1914-02-06
Harsh Judoe,

Judge Stephen G. Greene, at din
ner in Charleston, was defending q
harsh sentence
Il am a conservative" said Judge
Greene, and believe that it is bet
ter for law and order that sentences
should err on the side of harshness
rather than on the side of lenity.
Look at nature, the great Judge Of
US all. Was there ever a harsher,
seyerer judge than nature, who sen.
fences each and every one of us to
hard labor for Iife?"
Northern Wisconsin advertiser. [volume] (Wabeno, Wis.) 1898-1925, 1914-02-06
Hearty Welcome.

Mrs Clay telephoned to a friend that
she would come down and spend the
day
Well. here ! ami" she exclaimed
cheerily, as the little daughter of the
hostess opened the door.
Yes" replied the child; I'm glad
to see you; and know mother will be
glad, too, for this morning when you
going to have the visit over with. -
Lippincott's Magazine.
Northern Wisconsin advertiser. [volume] (Wabeno, Wis.) 1898-1925, 1914-02-06

and purgatives, for while these do but
temporary good, Syrup Pepsin cures
permanently. The effect OF it's action
is to train the stomach and bowel
muscles to do their work naturally
again, and in a short time all forms Of
medicine can be dispensed with. 1t
can be bought without inconvenience
at any nearby drug store for fifty
cents and one dollar bottle, the latter
size being regularly bought by those
who already know it's value. Results
are always guaranteed or money will
be refunded
Families wishing to try free sam
pie bottle can obtain it postpaid by ad-
dressing DR.. w. B. Caldwell, 203 Wash
ington ST., Monticello, III. A postal
card with your name and address on
It will do.
Northern Wisconsin advertiser. [volume] (Wabeno, Wis.) 1898-1925, 1914-02-06
c.oroe AIDE on Matrimony.

George AIDE, discussing matrimony
in an after-dinner speech at the Chi
cago Athletic club, said;
Marriage has the effect of giving
a man a swelled head.
Many a time, looking at this hus-
band, or that, l say to myself;
"'Ah, II that man were only as wise
nc he thinks his wife thinks he is!
Northern Wisconsin advertiser. [volume] (Wabeno, Wis.) 1898-1925, 1914-02-06

A mouse saved a family from
death from the fumes OF gas escaping
from fallen chandelier gin the dining
room of house in Sheffield, England.
The fumes drove the mouse upstairs
to q bedroom, where ii scampered
across the bed and awakened Mr. and
Mrs. Arthur Turner, the occupants.
Startled. without knowing tie cause.
they made an Investigation Of the
house, and discovered the escape of
gas. They flung open the windows.
md then returned to the bedroom,
where they found the mouse dead on
he pillow
Northern Wisconsin advertiser. [volume] (Wabeno, Wis.) 1898-1925, 1914-02-06
Deadly Work of Scorpion,

Some scorpion bites cause little
more than burning pain and numbness
in the part affected for few days
But the more poisonous varieties cause
death, and that especially, when
they sting young children or de-
bilitated old people. The lower class
es OF people in Mexico suffer more than
the well-to-do, because of their custom
of going about half naked most OF the
time.
Northern Wisconsin advertiser. [volume] (Wabeno, Wis.) 1898-1925, 1914-02-06
Joy and Utility.
till have two cars 2

Still have two cars?"
Yes"
Il thought you intended to sell the
older one"
mo. My son and his highschool
friends keep the old car busy"
Il see. You get the use of the new
car yourself"
mo, don't. II keeps the new car
hustIing to tow the old car home -
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Northern Wisconsin advertiser. [volume] (Wabeno, Wis.) 1898-1925, 1914-02-06
Queer Enulish DUTY.

Americans will be interested to
know that from 1860 it has been Gus
tomary to take duty as one of the
hereditary customs OF the crown. In
1866 there was duty of eight pence
a gallon OH all the tea liquor sold in
all coffee bouses-a great inconveni-
ence to tea drinkers, because it was
surveyed only twice day by the ex-
else officers, and so could only be
bTewed twice day.-London Mail.
Northern Wisconsin advertiser. [volume] (Wabeno, Wis.) 1898-1925, 1914-02-06
Common Form OF Insanity.

A party of Clevelanders entertained
some holiday visitors and having
showed them everything interesting in
Cleveland proper they had to take
them to Newburg for a view of the
asylum. The superintendent was in
genial frame of mind and he con-
Quoted the bunch personally.
Here is queer case, ladies'" he
said, pausing at a particular cell.
This man has the delusion that he
possesses the motive power that runs
the universe. He is perfectly harm
less, but he actually believes that
without him the world would not
move. Strange notion, isn't it,"
why, not at ALL" exclaimed one of
the women. My husband has the
same idea and he always has had it.
Is he crazy, too"
Northern Wisconsin advertiser. [volume] (Wabeno, Wis.) 1898-1925, 1914-02-06
Misunderstood.

Visitor Cat the National Gallery
WHY, thems the very same pictures
! saw here the day before yesterday!
Attendant (dryly)-Quite likely.
Visitor-Then the landlord where
I'm staying rs wrong. He told me
that the pictures were changed daily
An all the Ieadin' picture houses.
Northern Wisconsin advertiser. [volume] (Wabeno, Wis.) 1898-1925, 1914-02-06
Blame Located.

A grabbed old misogynist said to
Ethel Barrymore 9 dinner in Bar
Harbor:
Woman! Feminism. Suffrage!
Bah! Why, there isn't woman alive
who wouldn't rather be beautiful than
intelligent"
That's because" said Miss Barry
more, calmly, $50 many men are stupid
while so few are blind"
Northern Wisconsin advertiser. [volume] (Wabeno, Wis.) 1898-1925, 1914-02-06
Mean Fling.

They were discussing horse racing
Il guess" observed the Yankee,
I've seen the closest race ever run,
for once saw horse adjudged win
ner by a tongues length.
rs that so?" drawled the English
man. "WelI, I've seen closer race
than that. lived two years in Scot
land. '-Cleveland Leader.
Northern Wisconsin advertiser. [volume] (Wabeno, Wis.) 1898-1925, 1914-02-06

Mother Gray's Sweet Powders for Children
Relieve Feverishness, Bad Stomach, Teething
Disorders, move and regulate the Bowels and
are d pleasant remedy for Worms. Used by
Mothers for "a years. They are so pleasant to
take, children like them. They near fail. At
all Druggists, 25c. Sample FREE. Address,
A. S. Olmsted, lie Roy, n. Y. Adv.
Northern Wisconsin advertiser. [volume] (Wabeno, Wis.) 1898-1925, 1914-02-06
What He Did.

Grace-I told him he must not see
me any more.
Her Brother-Well, what did he do?
Grace-Turned out the light!-Dart-
mouth Jack-o'Lantern.
Northern Wisconsin advertiser. [volume] (Wabeno, Wis.) 1898-1925, 1914-02-06
The Sequence.

Just as we were wondering where
the money for a feed was 10 come
from, Billy Smith. who always has his
pockets full, blew in
We'll, what happened"
"A blowout"
Northern Wisconsin advertiser. [volume] (Wabeno, Wis.) 1898-1925, 1914-02-06
Had the Proof.

stonemason Gin box describing as
ssult,-He walks into my yard and
rams me up agen one o me own
stones.
Counsei-Did he hurt you?
Stonemason---Hurt mel Why, I've
cot sacred TO the memory Of stamped
oil down me back.-Tatler.
Northern Wisconsin advertiser. [volume] (Wabeno, Wis.) 1898-1925, 1914-02-06

my breath was
short and I had
chills and back
ache. / took the
pills about a year
ago and have had
no return of the
palpitations. Am
now So years old.
able TO do lots of
manual labor, am
Northern Wisconsin advertiser. [volume] (Wabeno, Wis.) 1898-1925, 1914-02-06

over, for weak kidneys, backache. ,ir-
regular kidney action and uric acid
trouble. Thousands of grateful recon-
mendations throughout the country
prove their worth.
Northern Wisconsin advertiser. [volume] (Wabeno, Wis.) 1898-1925, 1914-02-06
Dodqing.

"Wili you give me your name,
please"
Pardon me, miss, but this isn't
leap year"
Northern Wisconsin advertiser. [volume] (Wabeno, Wis.) 1898-1925, 1914-02-06

Astonishing Tobacco Remedy - Guaranteed
to Instantly taste for cigarettes or tobacco
in any FORM or money cheerfully refunded. Send
35c and receive wonderful remedy by return mail
Address Desk Tobacco Cleanse Co.. wichita, kansasAdv.
Northern Wisconsin advertiser. [volume] (Wabeno, Wis.) 1898-1925, 1914-02-06
Quite Frenchy.

Your friend is always chatting.
isn't he?"
YES, indeed; he is quite chauf.
feur."
Northern Wisconsin advertiser. [volume] (Wabeno, Wis.) 1898-1925, 1914-02-06

Don't tell girl you are in love with
her and have an idea that she is going
to help you out.
Northern Wisconsin advertiser. [volume] (Wabeno, Wis.) 1898-1925, 1914-02-06
Mot for Home Use.

"He has an Extensively important
air.
Yes, but that's his away-from-home
look"
Northern Wisconsin advertiser. [volume] (Wabeno, Wis.) 1898-1925, 1914-02-06
Easv Then to Be Generous.

The trouble with some would-be
generous men is that they always
leave their money at home in their
other clothes.