Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1914-04-08
GrandP ronoter
A Stranger Plays Him a Low
Down Thick
By M. QUAD
Copyright. 1914. by Associated Lit
erary Press.
Bv M. QUAD

"I'm looking for the Major CrOfoOt
that has all sorts of good things to in
vest in.' said the caller.
'"Then you have come to the right
place. Have chair"
Thanks. Now, then, I don't wish
to take up your valuable time. Have
you got anything good on hand? I
want something perfectly safe that
will return 9 or 10 per cent on the
money!
"My dear sir, have got half dozen
of the best things going. When you
speak of 9 or 10 per cent dividends it
makes me smile. 1 don't deal in such
small fish. Anything l take hold of
must pay 80 per cent or drop it,
"Good Lord!' calculated the caller as
he sat up.
"Thirty per cent at least, sir. What
would you say to stocks paying dollar
for dollar?"
"But I'm willing to take 40 per
cent" replied the man. Gee whiz,
but what man can ask for more than
that?'
Every fair. very fair" loftily replied
the major, but nothing to brag of.
Being you have come direct to the Of
fee want to pick out something ex-
ira. Let me see. The Universal Glass
Eye company paid 60 per cent divi-
dends two years ago, but last year
dropped down to 80. It will be still
less than that this year on account of
hard times. Lots of one eyed people
stick a patch over the eye and let it
go at that. If you'd come in a month
ago I could have let you in on the
ground floor Of the Magic Rat and
Mouse Destroyer. The stock went like
wildfire, and the last was sold at 5000.
We figure it will pay 400 per cent div
idends for the next twenty years."
"And / can't get in. Thunder, but
why didn't I know about it! But you
must have something for me-" insisted
the caller in anxious tones.
LET me see! Let me see! How alb
sentminded I am this morning Just
as you knocked / was making up the
incorporation papers for my last and
best scheme. It's one thatl lay over
all others. I was saving it to begin
the year on
"Good, good! What is it? By
George, old fellow, if you put me on to
something good you shan't lose by it!''
"You know what delicacies turtle
soup and turtle steak are considered?"
81 do"
"And you know the high price frogs
legs bring?''
YES"
swell, that's the basis of the Great
Western company, just organized. We
are going to rent nine square miles of
Lake st. Clair flats and raise our frogs
and turtles and can them on the spot.
They will be canned in champagne,
and the labels on the cans will be
handsome enough to frame and hang
in any ones parlor. Three turtle
steaks and two dozen frogs legs every
can. Killing and canning take place
every day. We shall control the mar
ket of the world
What dividends do you figure onY'
"Well, last night l was figuring on a
straight 100 per cent, but this morning
l thought l ought to make little al
lOwance. Many turtles die of home
sickness, you know, and a certain per
cent of the frogs are bound to jump
the wire fences and get away. To be
very safe and conservative L have put
the dividends at 95 per cent. l think
that is a rather neat figure, don't you?''
Great! Great Scott, I've been lend
ing money at 6 per cent?
''HOw-hOw much were you thinking
of investing?" asked the major in a
voice that trembled in spite of himself.
Twenty thousand dollars perhaps
And you-you will pay something
down to secure the stock?"
"a hundred dollars. Here's a check
I'll indOrse over to you, and I'll come in
tomorrow and pay the balance and get
the stock. By George. but I'm in luck.
Just think of getting hold of some
thing paying 95 per cent dividends.
Why. my wife will think me crazy
when l tell her about this. You won't
let Morgan buy the whole thing up and
freeze me out, will you?"
mo. You shall have the Stock
"And I'll remember you. I'll buy
you pearl pin out of the first divi-
dend. If you want. when you get
started. I'll show you how to catch
! frogs for canning. There's a peculiar
| way of getting hold Of them by one
hind leg. Ninety-fve per cent! can't
| help but dwell on it,
Yes, it's good thing" replied the
major as he showed the folded check
into his vest pocket in a careless way.
''YOu will be in tomorrow
"Sure, Mike! If was Frenchman
I'd kiss you for luck. but as I'm not
We'll shake hands and I'll say ia. ia.
| Tomorrow. Ninety-fve per cent.