The Washington times., 1914-05-10
Battles That Would Amaze
Sherman Conducted Without
Casualty List Since "Sheri-
dan Fell OF Horse.
Learned Trick of Stage Direct
ing by Making Show Keep
Time With Balloon and
Found His Vocation.
By GARDNER MACK.

The var business IS picking up.
Now please avoid the mistake OF
thinking some Of that Vera Cruz
stuff has spilled OF the first page
into this department. There is TO
be nothing of the kind here. The
silly little war that is being waged
more or less savagely in the cable
Offices and tank towns throughout
Mexico must go a whole lot further
before any of this pure reading mat
ter is tossed aside TO make room for
n on these pages. 1t is the easiest
thing in the world 10 make that
kind % wars. One Of the reason
why the pages of history are so
mottled and splotched with EN- is
that the clever-though sensitive
persons who write the words that
cause the trouble rely wait around
until they are set to the music OF
actual battle The business of heat
ing national wrath 10 the boiling
point-Whether the final analysis
takes the form of an elongated pen
sion roll or a set of thrilling NOV
ing pjCtures-usualiy has been ini-
tiated by rank amateurs. The pro-
fessiOnals. who are called in to take
up the joh-to furnish raw material
for the pension roll-seem always to
be animated by q desire to have it
over with as quickly as possible.
The late General Sherman is gener-
ally credited with summing up war
in all its various phases in one terse
remark.
thing
Would Amaze Sherman
Right here and now let's kill that
old fiction, General Sherman only
knew one kind of war-the Crudest,
most barbarous and generally unde-
sirsble kind. 1t was actually danger
Gus TO life and limb, Men Joined
lis armies and were killed outright
or mained for life in Large numbers.
And houses were burned. farms loot
ed. men and women made homeless.
General Sherman, or any of the kind
Of warriors he associated with. would
have laughed at a person who re-
scented such treatment of soldiers
There were no limitations or laws
governing his kind of war-and yet
he found u-what he said 1t was:
What do you suppose General Sher
man would have thought. If every
time a man was hurt during bat
tie, he faced a suit for damages for
personal injury? What do you sup
pose he'd have called il if, when a
man was killed. he'd been arrested
for manslaughter? II. when he took
q storchouse full of cotton and
burned it he'd have been put in Jail
10 answer 90 charges OF grand
lerceny and arson? Knowing Cen,
eral sherman TO have been force
ful man IT is difficult TO conceive
and absolutely against the Law TO
print what ne would have said.
Wars Made to Order.
And. Yet there are people who have
10 deal with Just that kind Of war,
And regular war. too. with generals
and soldiers and cannon and mus
kets and flags and cheers and all
the other paraphenalia. These
PEOPLE not only make vaE of a per-
fectly safe and sane kind. but they
do it to order. They can make any
kind OF war YOU want and will do
Il or a weeks notice. And they
never have any pension lists or any
killed. wounded or prisoners.
We discovered this war business,
Felix MahOney and I. quite by acci-
dent And We discovered 1t to he
fourishing. right now. We Wet@ on
our way To call on Edwin {. curtis,
tho stag" directo" of LSe Poll Play
ers. when q bit Of NOISE on the top
foor of Grand Army Hall attracted
our attention and We went up To
see what II was all about Curious
Iy enough. W found Mr.. GURUS
there
He was gyrsting up and down the
hall. coat off. sleeves rolled up. snO"
several groups Of men armed vItn
muskets. and scheduled TO wear blue
o.. gray uniforms when iheY we're
properly drilled. just how war should
IcalIN he started. carried on and
-rlshsd He was the busiest little
general since General Funston broke
the swimming records for red head
ID soldiers swimming muddy rivers
with impertinenJ Filipinos taking pot
shots Al them.
curtis has il all over any general
who ever wore a uniform. Most
ger erals feel they are dOInE their
iuI duty when they take the re
sncnsIbIliIl for one ARM tHrps
manages the affairs Of both. lie
rIpnts the battle decides wha, each
side will do and which viii win.
long befOr" it happens And then
he goes OFT md h.res a-nIirS to 90
what he'S planned Simpl" thing.
hrt il" And there ne was that
d.. rushing around placing the
men Uher. they LriOnSeG md ii'Ing
orders aI In-m just lNe a r"Gu'ar
ler ,raI
RsttIee All Safe and Sane