Newark evening star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1909-1916, 1914-07-21
In Land of Jokedom

-
Mrs. Exe-Isn't it awful how food
supplies have gone up?
Mrs Wye-Mercy, yesi Why, every
time l visit my grocer's I feel as II
We're at my dressmaker s.-Boston
Transcript
A painter of the "impressionist,.
school is now confined In a lunatic
asylum. To all persons who visit his
studio he says, Look here, this is
the latest masterpiece Of my com
position" They look, and see moth
ing but an expanse Of bare canvas.
They ask, What does that repre-
sent"
That? Why. that represents the
passage Of the Israelites through The
Red Sea"
But where is the sea-"
1t has been driven back"
And where are the Israelites?"
They have crossed over
And the Egyptians?"
VIII be here directly That's the
sort of painting I hlse-slmpIe, sug-
gestiVe and nnpretentious.
Mrs. Aason's eolored washerwom-
an, Martha, was complaining Of her
husbands health.
Why, is he sick. Martba2" asked
Mrs. Mason.
He's ve'y poly. ma'am, ve'y poly"
answered the woman. Hes got the
explanatory rheumatism"
You mean infiammatory, Martha
said the patron. Explanatory means
to cry out"
Yes, ma am replied Martha, with
conviction; ''dat's what il is He
hollers all the time"
Little Bertha was invited out to
dinner with her father and mother.
Before she went. however, it was
firmly impressed upon her mind that
she must not speak unless spoken to.
All went smoothly for a while, but
when some time had elapsed and
no notice was taken Of her she began
TO get uneasy.
Finally the hostess. seeing some
thing was wrong. asked her what
she would like next.
Il should like to have you begin
to ask me questions" was the polite
reply.
A young practitioner appeared be-
fore a pompous old judge, who took
offense at a remark the lawyer made
criticising his decision.
IF you do not instantly apologize
for that remark" said the judge, IT
shall commit you for contempt OF
court"
Upon reflection, your honor" in
stantly replied the young attorney.
Il find that your honor was right and
I was wrong, as your honor always
is"
The Judge looked dubious. but final
ly said that he would accept the
apology.
There has been serious trouble in a
certain school One Of the teachers
hackneyed system of teaching.
What is wanted" said he, is
something which will make the chill
dren think and reason for themselves
Mere addition and subtraction are too
mechanical"
In accordance with his ideas hs
gave his pupils 100 questions, OF
which the following is specimen:
What is it that can go up a spout
down. but cannot go down a spout
up?"
The brain fever hospitals there
abouts were full of children for weeks
afterward. and the teacher was dis
missed without a character. yet the
answer to the riddle was very simple;
AN umbrella"
A certain small boys mother was
away on a visit. The youngster at
tempted to write her letter.
Papa" he presently inquired, how
do you spell Ike2"
IKE" answered papa, wisely. lis a
proper name so must be spelled with
a capital letter. Otherwise there Is
but one way to spell it--I-k-e."
BY and by sonnie brought father
his letter.
Dear Mother: ''Ikespect it's almost
time for you to come home
A very estimable widow in Ger
mantown is the mother of a son who
has given her much trouble by reason
of his waywardness-
at am afraid said a friend ons
day, in speaking of the boy, that
you are not firm enough with him"
ION the contrary" said the mother,
Il sometimes fear that [ am much
too harsh
Indeed"
"Oh. 1 don't mean to say" the fond
mother hastened to explain. that
have ever really taken any summary
action, but I have talked to him
great deal"
"And what have you said? p
why, I have said, Richard Rich
ardi, and other severe things"
There are those who wear them
selves out in efforts to make money
without working.