The Press., 1914-11-25
FOGHORN
 FERNANDO He Found His Vocation
By EDWARD HOLLYWOOD
Copyright by Frank A. Munsey Co.,


 As if the sky had mysteriously dis charged him, Foghorn Fernando ap- peared for the first time in the village of DOlcuela one morning about 4 o'clock and demanded admission to the Pacific hotel At that hour the sky was actually discharging the plump rain. drops of a tropical thunder shower.
 Over his breakfast table Colonel Hopapple. the landlord, described to his guests the strangers advent.
 Judge Sloat, disbarred attorney from Los Angeles, suggested, Let us look over this person." and they went to the sunny courtyard to inspect the new arrival
 He was leaning against a cart wheel and gazing sadly at Hopapple's aged pair of mules as they dozed in their rope harness. Cross examined, he gave the name of Fernando. He sought em. ployment.
 "How comes an honest man out of ably.
 "HOw, in truth?' retorted Fernando. ''How keep not the job? Alas! Aye! 1t is some curse. I toll. I slave. But, listen! I recount to your
 The forthcoming torrent of words was not in the least intelligible, but soon the disconsOlate orator seemed to be attempting, and with prospect of success. to make his story audible to the entire county of San Bernardino.
 "Ho-lee smOkeT' blurted the judge "Is that human throat or steam whistle 7"
 "Car-r-r-rambaw rOared Fernando, filling his lungs for final effort.
 His shriek of woe was of miraculous volume, and the mules instantly tossed their venerable heels at the horizon and flew. panic stricken, out of the court The crowd jostled through the gate in pursuit, while Colonel Hop apple, who had been knocked over by the runaways. addressed Fernando warmly.
 "Consarn it. why did you howl like that?" said he.
 "Ah. l was excite in the head" ex plained the little Mexican. Always when l am excite then must I talk with strength. But look, senOr! But regard! The mulOs, they come back on us already"
 Between the blacksmith's and the hotel was Dolcuela's dry goods dis trict. consisting of Tomas Monzon's store, and now from the store serenely emerged MonZon's daughter, Miss Anita. a large lady of an indOlent mind. Physically and mentally Anita moved slowly and there stood, as if paralyzed, in the path of danger.
 It was little Fernando who scurried first to her side and stopped the mules. That afternoon Fernando was hired as assistant clerk in Tomas MOnZOn's store.
 
 Foghorn Fernando proved pret- ty good clerk. his first wages and promptly proposed to Anita behind a stack of ginghams.
 We shall see," tempOriZed Anita, and she allowed him to kiss her chub. by hand. Then she dropped her eye lashes tenderly and left Foghorn alone in a paradise behind the ginghams. where he commenced to mutter rap turously to himself.
 "T am going to marry with your daughter" he announced to Tomas Monzon.
 "You-you" jabbered Monzon, turn ing a vivid purple. You shall marry with my broOmstick, that is all," and he pushed Fernando into the plaza by means of that inglorious weapon.
 It happened that the punishment was witnessed by Padre Bonar, whose kind heart was touched by the exile's de spair. The priest immediately con- voyed Fernando to the mission and as- signed him to the various duties of q handy man.
 Tn his new surroundings FOghorn worked hard and took new hope in re spect to Anita MonzOn.
 One Sunday morning before the sery- ice he contrived to whisper to Anita in the chapel porch. ''Is your love awaiting for me, most adorable?" breathed Fernando.
 She nodded sweetly and returned the secret clasp of his hand beneath the folds of her mantilla. Fernando nearly tainted with delight as he climbed the ladder to the little organ loft, where his business was to pump the decrepit bellows. When the service was ended he leap ed over the rail of the gallery. There sat his Anita directly beneath him, and Foghorn in an ecstasy of pride gazed down at her ample shoulders. The joy of ownership filled Fernando's soul, and his lips moved, framing soft endearments. Suddenly - what was this?
 The pew next to Miss Monzon's was occupied that morning by Judge Sloat, and now, in horror, Fernando saw the false Anita's hand steal invitingly te- ward the judge and saw the judicial fingers meet and caress 1t without ap- parent objection on the lady's pare. Rut not so on FoghOrn's. He lifted up his voice.
 Luckily. most of the congregation had already filed out of the chapel, so that the ensuing pagic crushed mo- DOuy. Padre Bonar strOde into the aisle with an angry face. and Foghoru Fernando left the mission forever.
 
 Fernando thereupon applied again for employment at the Pacific hotel, but Colonel Hopapple before answer ing pulled his chair into the shade and stared doubtfully across the plaza. "'Pears to me, my son." remarked the colonel, "that the dispensation of Providence has got you saddle galled when it comes to keepin' jobs. That 1 pesky syreen contraption you carry in your chest is liable any minute to stampede stock and bust up trade and l scare folks plumb into forgettin' their meals" "But that loudness of me is not of- E0n" suggested FOphOrn Fnrnando