The Bridgeport evening farmer., 1914-01-06
TOPICS OF THE TOWN

wish themselves a happy New Year, they might be called upon to inspect the sad case of Frank Braithwaite. ] the sweet singer of East Main street. The Assistant City Clerk is good to
 his folks and eats with knife and
 fork but some of his friends are Wor-
 rying about him after those songs he
 composed for the Republican banquet
 one short week ago.
 i It's all right to have banquet and
 listen to D. J. Hill give his more or 1 less interesting talk about the tariff on Hemp and sjute. You can even stand for John T. King getting out of i his chair and without cracking 4sn1iie. advise the politicians to be on i the level with the people. l But kind words butter no parsnips and the last straw breaks the cameIs gback- When yod think of England l having, such a hard time to select poet laureate recently and then re
 fleet that Frank Braithwaite is run 1 ming around loose, what are you go- ling to do about it Somebody ought i to pass law, that's all
 For instance grab your chairs tight j Iy and listen to this literary gem B written to the music of T want to Be q in Dixie,
 1 You ought to be, you ought to be, l You ought to be down there in Con- gress,
 Where there's somebody absent every
 day
 F. J. Hill is the man whom they
 say
 E Such noble rhyme; such meter.
 Even the worlds fastest long dis
 tance singer, can't garg1e all those i words before the music stops playing. Harks to the sendoff given Mayor
 Wilson to the music Of George Co-
 hans melody. "The Grand Old Flag ' H He's a grand old scout and wouldn't Fl turn him out; Hes man whom we love and res- II pect;
 He's elected for two years more, The
 Purity ship is a wreck, When he's finished as Mayor hell go Fl to- the Govern chair And of that there can be no doubt,
 And when ehe does, how things will buzz,
 Keep your eye on the Grand old Fl Scout.y'a
 That's great line:
 And when he does, how things will | buzz sts He must think Mayor wilson is a | bee and is trying to sting somebody. iss For sublime sentiment you are re- quested to admire the following up- lifting strains in praise of Senator Brandegee, composed around Mary land, My. Maryland
 Oh Brandegee! Oh Brandegee! Your
 smiling face were pleased to see; -i Your pleasing voice were glad to Il hear, it penetrates the atmosphere; Il We're glad to know the job you're on. ,, when you're away in Washington, Fl " cure welcome to our Jubilee, Bran Fl degee.s Oh Brandegeet
 When he accuses the Senators
 voice of penetrating the atmosphere 'I it is hard to say whether the author
 means to infer that the Hon. Frank talks through his nose or that his l tones are of the fog horn variety.
 But such are the ways of genius eNever Agains'' is the assertion oI l a. local telephone man whose duties I take him into many of the larger fac ! tories in Bridgeport Never accord . ing to his p1aint will the wi1es of the , chorus take. him into the festive ? haunts of midnight gayety where the
 lights burn bright and the cup thai , cheers is passed from hand to hand
 It was but recently that with a crisI , yellow boy in his jeans he met 3 :. friend who confided to him that in . : knew we'll and that a little dinner fo1 q four could easily be arranged. Per 2 Isuasion at last met with success ane . as the hands of the clock neared mid 2 might the table was set And so was 2 the game for next morning the Knigh ! of the Wire was minus $7.80 whicI ' he cannot account for losing througI < any hole in his pocket. and conse ' quently the sadness of expression ! when one mentions chorus girls tt 2 him and his assurance Never Agai1 ' for Mel,
 It was a classy girl, tall. well gown o ed and as George Ade would say witt v a form that resembled a string bear < warped by the sun. so modernIy wa. es she corsetted. And to add to he : natural grace there was wealth O y Iblonde hair that made the walters ol F the main line of the swell cabaret res = taurant hasten to the table to talk :, the order. But the man about tow IT could find one haw-very small, in :. deed--but neverthel eless true, and thi ' beauty of Bridgeport was aware of ii e and surreptitiously her hand stole t . her mouth and with deftness pass
 ling be1fef she had hastily conceale '- it by pressing a large portion of chew 70 ing gum against the bottom of he ; chair. Alas! For her dignity, fo 'f when she rose to depart the chair als rt did a levitation act and much to tn
 Esurprise and embarrassment of her self and partner walters had to rus of to the scene and disentangle he1 Y The chair was cane bottomed an e. she had firmly affixed the gum to he n beautiful gown Moral: Beware c e- chewing gum repositories. l- And now the. friends of a certai ly well known physician are jo1Iyin lg him about his experiences wflil le making an emergency call the othe e. morning and his temporary in1prisor B. ment- According to the story, h
 practice, has been, in responding n- sudden calls from number of yer ne sick patients, to slip on a pair of cal f. pet slippers and put his trousers O $, over his pajamas. Then it was bl Id an easy job to slip into his enclose to automoplie ana reach ms dest1nat1o he much quicker But this time his al
 tomobile stalled in a central part n- the city, as automobiles sometim. nd nave nack or uolng.e. Ihe medic -, l disliked the idea of tripping about