Iowa state bystander. [volume] (Des Moines, Iowa) 1894-1916, 1914-06-19
.D|CT|ON IS ORNATE
Babu English In India Is ver
Amusing.
How Railway Man Uses Speech Of IN
vadsr- .lngratltuds Of Mendieant
Whoss Condition Induced
a.s Sympathy Reported.

In India the Babu class OF railway
servant prides itself on it, great hold
on the thioms Of the English language,
and hence the following examples Of
their efforts in this direction, said BY
an English writer to be as true u
they are surprising.
It 10 q standing rule on railways in
India that all very unusual happen.
inss are telegraphed to headquarters.
The Interpretation of the terms "un.
usual" and the discretion as to the
importance Of the event that takes
place is 90 vague that generally every.
thing ia wired. Stimulated by his
nights rest, one man spread himself
thus In q telegram to his divisional
superintendent:
Coming on duty early In the morn.
ing. clad in my new and white uni.
form. I perceived man seated on 4
box In q naked and aggressive manner
Taking him to be an ordinary pas.
senger, I proceeded to slap him.
Whereupon he hastily arose, unlocked
the said box, clad himself in police.
mans uniform ttereout, and arrested
me. The shoe = thus situated on the
erroneous pedicle. Please arrange"
Another man, who was wise in his
generation, telegraphed. to his superin.
tendant, including the police officer
and all concerned. thus:
"A backyard indigenous mendt
cant arrived at my station by two
down mail. Taking pity on his COM
miserated condition, I permitted him
to reside in the shade Of the main
signal post In gratitude for my BE-
neficent conduct, he absconded during
the nocturnal period with 50ORs Of
my private cash, including one COPY
Of the working time table" ~
When asked why he did the ono
anna publication, the time table. IN
his list Of losses he replied, with a
knowing wriggle: "Ha, ha, the matter
is explainable in a nutshell. Unless
had included little of the COM
pany's property the police would have
take no notice. This justifles the ad.
dition of the lactaceous particle IN
the shell Of the cocoanut!" e.
Another, overcome with grief on the
death of his aged mother, telegraphed,
sadly: II am profoundly moved to
announce to your honor that the aged
hand that so far has rocked my cradle
has now kicked the bucket! Woeful
lamentation participates my breast
unable to work. Please arrange ~
A traveller alighting at one Of the
stations asked how far certain shoot
ing ground was. and was astonished
to get the reply: "sir. ten miles -
the cock crows" ., b.
It is customary in India for tho
government to allow IN most ofhces .
small sum to feed cats kept BY tho
watchmen to destroy rats. This prac'
tise was responsible for telegram
from one of the stations to this effect:
Sad to relate, the senior cat has
been absent two nights without leave
on salutatory gambols. Have pro
NOTED Junior cat to perform duties OF
senior cat. 10! what a catastrophe
is here!" The worst was, he knew
not he had punned.
When asked for his opinion on the
difference between a railway train, .
ship and an aeroplane, the reply was:
1.-The difference is very intensified
for when the vehicles that compose
a train are by a concentration OF CIR 9
cumstances beyond the control OF hu'
man aid precipitated into the common
ditch-there you are! When the snip
saltating on the ambient waves H.
owing to the raging Of the atmof
pherical surroundings, lost in hole
in the ocean-where are you? bu1
when the flying machine oscillahns
on the circumambient atmosphere u,
owing to various causes, precipitateo
on to terra cotta-nowhere you are!
In reply to the question in an e.
animation, What Is horse? tne
reply was: 1.-THE horse is a noble
animal with four legs situated on Inv
four corners. and tail, but wnea
irritated he refuses to do So"