davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1914-12-22


"rhe American Wife of Titled German,
In the New York Independent.
An American lady washed lace hand
kerehlef and had no sooner laid IL upon
the balustrade Of the balcony of her room,
in the third story of Pension Goeremann.
In Dresden, when a loud knock at her
door preceded the advent of a policeman.
Pointing to the bit of lace, he demanded
marks as fine, exposing washing on
the street front being prohibited under
penalty of fine
was fined a like sum for plaojns a
flower pot on the outside ledge of a win
dow, in order that the maid might clean
the INSIDE still better. An American boy
let Off a toy pistol in the Hotel Euro
paische Hof, was heard. reported and
nned. The arrest of an Englishman for
throwing cigarette paper upon the paye-
ment in Prayer street became almost an
international scandal. for the doughty son
OF Britain appealed to his CONSUL, wrote
to the London Times and held out stoutly
against both arrest and fine.
My coachman swerved to the left of
the vacant Pirna road to avoid nudd,a
OF water; was seen by mounted police
man and held up Volumes, think, would
not contain the record of similar Incidents
winch fell under my attention during the
% years of my residence in the father
land. Perhaps no one single thing marked
the difference between my (,erma N
friends and myself SO much as the fact
that while they accepted the trammals 90
such martinetism with docility of spirit.
never ceased regarding them as acts of
petty tyranny,
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1914-12-22
LUKE M'LUKE SAYS

From the Cincinnati ENQUIRER
sometimes the pillows on a bed look
clean when they are only shamming.
There is something wrong with the
man VINO doesn't feel good when a
friend has streak of good luck.
A young man doesn't know 1t. Rut
the boss can tell the man who is cana :
BILE Of doing higher class of work nv
watching how he does the small Jobs
he is started In on.
There are lots of people who will tell
you that the latch string is ALWAYS
out. But they do not mention the fact
that there is bulldog loose in the
front yard.
Some men are so worried over tbe
european situation that they can't hold
their own.
man VIII always agree with you
when you tell him that he is over
worked and needs rest.
Ignorance is bliss when you do NOT
know that she Is married woman. -
A sob sister claims that a kiss should
last for at least 80 seconds. 4
The Sphinx isn't the biggest mysters
in the world. The most mysterious thinr
in the world Is the opening chorus in a
burlesque show. There never was q
spectator who was smart enough to
= tooS WA&I thC 6iito aIt SINGING OIL
tell what 1t is all about outside of the
fact that they are getting some noises
out OF their systems.
A man will work harder getting a
days pleasure than he will getting a
weeks pay.
Tangoing is wasting time. but some
men seem to squeeze a lot Of pleasure
out of it.
The eastern scientists are after the
kiss again and are warning people OF
the dangerous microbes that Turk on
lips. Fooeyl A man expects to take
some chances when he kisses q girl
and ! guess 1t goes double
The men who have to run errandi
for other men to earn living are do
ing 1t because they would rather use
their feet than their heads.
A fashion hint for men says tina
strapped pantaloons are coming bacl
into style. We can remember whel
strapped pantaloons were the style fol
all boys between the ages of 4 and IA.
Some women act as though 1t is un
fashionable to be in love with maj
after you marry him.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1914-12-22
ALABAMA PRESS

Talladega Reporter: Someone said we
islature, but who thought it was to con-
yene in Birmingham?
Albertville Banner: Birmingham wants
to be made into county of ITSELF Per-
satisfied with that and promise not to
work herself out of the state.
Union Springs Herald The Birming-
ham Age-Herald thinks the Nobel peace
prize should be given to Santa Claus
this year because he is strictly neu-
trail. The only other individual we know
of who is neutral is President Wilson,
so at least the contest might be mar
rowed down to these two.
Clanton Union Banner: A number of
congressman breathed a sigh of relief
when Mr.. Underwood declared openly
that he would vote against Mr.. Hobson' $
prohibition amendment. 1t must have
been an Indicator which they have been
seeking as a guide to further activities
in the matter.
Gadsden Journal: Imperial Jefferson
again is crying for that extra session
As has been pointed out by several state
papers, when Jacksonville, Fla, desired
special session of the Florida legis-
lature for the purpose of securing au-
thority to issue bonds for a great dock
system, the city offered to pay the ex-
pense of holding the session. Is Bir-
nlingham as progressive as Jacksonville
Franklin County Times: The Birming-
ham Age-Herald is a great newspaper
ebly edited. I believe that 1t Is i'm
proving. If such a thing were possible
That paper has certainly struck thu
keynote when 1t pulls for an Alabams
exhibit at the Panama exposition. Ala
bama is a great state naturally and thu
world should know 1t. unless indeed thu
| majority of sentiment is like unto {
| Troy editor who says with great vigol
| that we don't want immigration. / don
believe that editor can control but on
opinion. and not that for more than hal
time.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1914-12-22

Il do not pretend to be an infallible
prophet, or any prophet at all, as for that
matter, but would be willing to make a
wager that business would be vastly I'M
proved within the next two or three
weeks,' said S. J. Fuller of Philadelphia.
i say what I do, because in the first
place all prominent business men in New
York and Philadelphia say that prosperity
Is just ahead of us and in the next place.
in my line OF business-I am interested
IN manufacturing ooncern-there is
steady Improvement already. During the
holidays no one, of course, Will expect
any big development, but by January 10
look out for high degree of activity
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1914-12-22

Many Christmas shoppers shopped
early. They began making their holi.
day purchases the day after Thanks.
giving; but large percentage OF
those who have friends or neighbors
in the Christmas calculations will do
their shopping this week.
Christmas is due next Friday. It will
come on time and between now and
then the merchants of this town will
be very busy. Those who plan to do
their Christmas shopping early are
sometimes frustrated by bad weather
but when Christmas week
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1914-12-22
CHANGES

BY owen Meredith.
Whom we first we love, you know, we sell
dom wed.
Time rules us all. And Life, indeed, Is
not
The thing we planned it out here hope
was dead,
And then, we women cannot choose our
lot.
Much must be borne which it is hard
to hear;
Much given away which it were sweet
to keep.
God help us all who need. indeed, his
And yet, know the Shepherd loves his
sheep.
My little boy begins to babble now
Upon my knee his earliest infant prayer.
He has his fathers eager eyes, I know;
And they say, too. his mothers sunny
hair.
But when he sleeps and smiles upon my
knee,
And I can feel his light breath come
and go,
think of one Heaven help and pity
Who loved me, and whom loved, long
ago.
Who might have been ah! what
/ dare not think!
We all are changed. God judges for us
hest,
God help us do our duty, and not shrink.
And trust in heaven humbly for the rest.
But blame us women not. If some appear
Too cold at times; and some too gay
and light;
Some griefs gnaw deep. Some woes are
hard to bear.
Who knows the past? and who can
judge us right?
All! were we judged by what we might
have been,
And not by what we are, too apt to
fall
NY little child-he sleeps and smiles be-
tween
These thoughts and me- In heaven we
shall know all!
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1914-12-22
A Rough Winter

Early in November I predicted that
We would have a rough winter and my
er-wise man.
Up to this time we have had a great
zeal OF winter. We have had more
freezing temperature than usual be-
fore Christmas.
On Christmas Day we may expect
sunshine but the air will be bracing.
There will be a slight freeze in the
early morning. January will bring us
two severe freezing spells"
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1914-12-22
STARTED EARLY

I'm not surprised to hear that Grab
som is a rich man now"
Il understand you knew him when he
was a small boy
yes, and at a time when the rest of
us wanted to go out west and hunt real
live Indians the only kind of red men
he cared about were those on pennies"
HEAVY ODDS
Il call your attention to a most ex-
hausting performance over near the
piano."
What do you mean?"
"one lone man is trying to hold up
his end of the conversation against three
women"
THE PARTICULAR SHOPPER
"Toys?" said the clerk. Yes, ma am.
Would you like something sor little
boy or a little grip"
"oh, dear. no." answered the woman
In costly furs. Something suitable for
poodle, please
MR.. BALLROOM
Just paying board
He finds so hard,
He can't afford
Christmas card.
NEEDLESS SHOCK
II see that some of the artists depict
Santa Claus making his rounds in an
acceptance
For the sake of our friends In Eng
land hope he won't be pictured in a
Zeppelin"
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1914-12-22

The Immense Cotton Crop

The cotton crop planted and picked
this wear was larger than that OF
1911, which had been the highest rec
ord crop. The government report pub
lished recently estimated the 1914
crop in round numbers at seventeen
million bales.
The ginning report issued by the
government yesterday was great
record breaker. About fourteen mil
lion bales had been ginned up to De-
cember IL; or, to be exact, 1871 S0
bales, This was 900,9s2 bales more
than had been ginned up to Decem-
Der IL in any previous year except in
1911.
From the government report it is
seen that the ginning in Alabama,
Georgia, Texas and Florida this year
amounts to more than the entire crop
last year in these states.
Oklahoma is fast taking rank as a
cotton state. It has already ginned
this year about one million one hun
bred thousand bales, which is more
than Alabama produced few years
ago and more than was ever produced
in Oklahoma in any previous year.
Last summer when cotton was ma
turing the clears" spread the rumor
and reiterated it that the boil Vice.
vii had destroyed a very large per-
centage of the crop. 1t would be, they
said, a smaller crop than that either
of 1912 or 1918. But well informed sta
tisticians, and those of the United
States department of agriculture in
particular, made it plain that the
south would gin bumper crop, and
in the business world much rejoicing
there was thereat.
Then came the European war, which
demoralized all business in this coun-
try--most of all the cotton market.
But calm survey of the situation,
with the law of supply and demand in
mind, shows that the crop was much
too large and that had there been no
war the price of cotton would have
been below cents, if not indeed be-
low 8.
Next years cotton acreage will be
. greatly reduced. 1t is the only way
that the price can be advanced from
present values to 10 or 11-cent level.
The reduction in acreage should be
not less than so per cent. If such it
turns out to be, the farmers who
hold their cotton will make fair prof
it. The thing for the farmers to do
those who have one hundred bales or
more-is to avail themselves of the
$135,000,000 loan fund. Those who are
not willing to sell at present quota
tons should by all means take their
: cotton out of the weather, place it in
a warehouse and take warehouse re-
ceipt which will be accepted as COL
lateral by the cotton loan fund COM
mittee, and get money on 6-cent
basis and pay what he owes.
Even if farmer needs no money
he should make his cotton a tangible
asset by putting it in a warehouse
instead of leaving it out in the field
or under a shed.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1914-12-22
WAR ECHOES

Philadelphia Public Ledger: Privateer-
ing has been abandoned by civilized ma
tions. although the United States, for
one, has never definitely renowned 1T;
but it survives, though not the name,
in the commerce destroying feats of ma
val vessels. Respect for an enemy's
property at sea is hard to inculcate.
Perhaps We are still too near the time
when great naval heroes were little bet
ter than pirates. Such is the view which
the critical historian may take of even
writer's who insist. in the face of all the
evidence to the contrary, that Paul Jones
belongs in the same category. There
can be little doubt as to the status of
the 40 men from the German cruiser
Emden who, according to report ma
rooned on Cocos Island, have captured
and armed a collier and who now are
raiding commerce in the Pacific. They
are doing, to be sure, only what they
did before. But the Emden was a regu-
larly commissioned vessel under the
German flag. 1t would be difficult to
show that the piratical remnant of the
Emden's crew is entitled to this pro-
lection.
The adventure in which the German
seamen are engaged is one that will APP
peal to all lovers of pirate tales; and
who that loves the sea is not in the
ranks of these Probably il they are
caught, as they are pretty sure to be,
they will not suffer the fate of Kidd
They are not likely to adopt his strenu-
GUS methods, of dealing with their cap
tives. Besides. this is q humanitarian
age and the tenderness of the Penzanee
buccaneers toward orphans is no longer
limited to a single class, 1t might be
an enjoyable experience to the passen-
gers If some peaceful liner were sud-
denly summoned to surrender by the pi-
rates of coeos island. The very name
has an operate flavor
Parsons Weekly: "Why don't we
mans?" is a question that has been
asked lately.
The answer is quite simple We can't
any more than the German can use guns
they capture from us or from the
French.
To begin with, most of the guns that
are captured have been rendered useless
before they fell into the hands of the en-
envy. In the old days gunners used to
Spike" their guns when they couldn't
save them, but nowadays the breech
block is damaged, and the sights broken
A breeoh block is that part of a gun
which swings open on hinges and allows
the shells to be slipped in the bore of
the gun. 1t is, of course closed when the
gun If fired. If anything prevents 1t from
closing 1t Is naturally impossible to fire
the gun, just as much as 1t would be i'm
possible to fire rifle If it were broken
in half near the magazine end of the
barrel.
Even IL we captured large number of
German guns unchanged they would not
be of much use, for the simple reason
that our ammunition won't fit German
guns. The difference is often very slight,
less than tenth of an inch, but it is
sufficient to prevent the gun from fir
ing accurately.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1914-12-22
IN HOTEL LOBBIES
When Birmingham Was m small Tow

Nhen Birmingham Was n Small Town
Il am spending a day in Birmingham
for the second time" said Martin Letch-
worth of Boston.
The first time I was here was in 1891.
Birmingham was small community
then. | recall it as something of an
overgrown mining town. Now 1 find 1T
real city--a handsomely built city
of 100000 population. It's growth has
been simply marvellous"
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1914-12-22
The abuse of greatness is, when IL dis
Joins remorse from power.
Julius Caesar.

BEGINNING THE DAY-Grant me
the courage, q Lord, 10 test my lie
by the spirit of my Master, and learn
why j am not happy and strong ana
of service to men. o. give me His
emphasis upon essential things, HIS
sympathy. HIS love, His desire to
minister rather than to be mfntstered
unto. Make me like Him, and ASK
nought else. Amen.-H. Nj. E.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1914-12-22

having its motors regularly inspected and
repaired, the motors would be inspected
and kept in good repair. But there is
nothing in it for the marlborough. After
the pending inquiry is over. the elevated
will continue to be run on the principle
that cars shall absorb the Shock be-
cause it is cheaper that wav
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1914-12-22
The Cotton Situation

prominent New York brokerage con-
Germ in discussing business conditions,
says:
Up to the present time the question
of cotton acreage reduction has been to
a great extent a matter of theory, sup
ported, to be sure, by many good argu-
ments, but the first tangible evidence
in proof of the contention that the cot
ton acreage of the south will be material
~ curtailed next season is to be found
in the recent government report on win
ter wheat area, which showed gains of
from 20 per cent to 400 per cent This
is most marked in Georgia, Alabama,
Mississippi and South Carolina, and there
can now no longer be any doubt that the
cotton planter. especially in the south
eastern section of the oelt, is thoroughly
aroused to the Importance of diversifying
his crops as one of the urgent steps
necessary in righting bad situation.
Another important constructive de-
velopment during the week was the of
fetal statement of the French govern
ment that it will not regard cotton as
contraband of war. As England sometime
ago advised our government to that ef-
feet, this announcement means that cot
ton shipped in neutral vessels can now
be sent with freedom direct to the bel
ligerent countries of Austria and Ger
many. Holland and Italy have also
agreed that cotton can be trans-shipped
to those countries overland when con-
signed direct to Austrian and German
merchants. This will further stimulate
exports. which already show a decided
and healthy increase"
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1914-12-22

While Birmingham can't hope to COM
pete with Europe's belligerents In she'd
ding blood, the coroner continues to be
one of the hardest worked officials in
Jefferson county.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1914-12-22

Germany is fortunate to have a man at
the front as able as General Won Hin
denburg.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1914-12-22

A great many people are opposed to
discussing an adequate national defense
until some way is found to curb the
thieves, thugs and gunner who irfest
the cities of this country.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1914-12-22

Ihe Vistula river, frequently mentioned
In the dispatches from the eastern thea
tire of war;" is a river of central Europe
about $50 miles long and navigabIe from
cracow. The German name for it is
Weichsel. Rising on the frontiers Of Ga
lieia and Austrian silesia, on the north
ern side of the Carpathian mountains it
flows eastward past Cracow and forms
about 10 miles below this town the boun-
Diary line of Galicia and Poland Rcceiy-
ing the San, 1t turns northward, passes
through the Polish provinces, enters West
Prussia short distance above Thorn, and
traversing this province, divides into two
branches. One of these branches, the
eastern, called the Nogat, empties into
the Friches Haff. The western branch
divides into two more rivers, about five
miles from the Baltic. One of these
streams is called the Danzic Vstula and
is much the larger of the two. 1t pro-
ceeds in a western direction to the Dant-
~' -'fS Se'''ecih pidilCi lioWs INTO the
Frisches Half. In 1895 a channel was
cut from the head of the Danzic branch
and most of the water is carried directly
to the Baltic. Although navigation of the
Vistula is important to Poland, it Is fire.
auently obstructed by shallow water and
ice. The Bromberg canal connects the
Vistula with the Oder. The area of its
basin is about $1,000 square miles.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1914-12-22

The trial of Town Clerk Cleary, de-
spite the mitigating circumstances, seems
to have been pretty much of farce.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1914-12-22

Mr.. Packy Mcfarland, who will shcrtly
visit birmingham, for the display Of his
fstic prowess, has won fame on a firing
line that is comparatively bloodless
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1914-12-22

Italy was trifle late In declaring NOR,
atorium, although the holiday season is
when 1t is doubtless needed most.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1914-12-22

The man who thinks that q book is the
ideal Christmas gift never gets excited
over his Christmas shopping.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1914-12-22

The citizens of Naco, Arizona, are so
used to lodging bullets that the most
complicated moving picture thriller
seems tame to them.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1914-12-22

When President Wilson went Christmas
shopping he was greeted on all sides by
broad smiles. Yet, Christmas shopping
is serious matter.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1914-12-22

In spite of the efforts OF police, Italians
contrived to celebrate the anniversary Of
Oberdank's execution in a way that
showed how little they love the Aus
TRANS.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1914-12-22

Enver Pasha is a young man yet and
the consensus of opinion Is that he has
great deal to learn.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1914-12-22

While the Turks are ostensibly fighting
for Germany and Austria. their efforts
SO far have been strictly of the side
show variety.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1914-12-22
THE LAW OF THE MARrINEY

Germany's naval policy has put John
Bull into a towering rage.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1914-12-22

Shells are used as calling cards when
England and Germany exchange visits.
The Birmingham age-herald. [volume] (Birmingham, Ala.) 1902-1950, 1914-12-22
ADRIFT WITH THE TIMES

ANOTHER POINT OF VIEW
Some of these women orators say
their sex is downtrodden and imposed
on by men,
Il don't take much stock in state
ments like that
Nor"
Every time 1 see debutante with
her arms full of American Beauty roses
and about Is men ready to grovel at
her feet 1t seems to me that the fair
sex has too much power
THE GREAT MAJORITY
Happy the man who doesn't have TO
buy his wife a diamond necklace and a
limousine for Christmas presents"
Happy. say you? I'm glad to hear
that because there must be millions of
him.
MRS. GADABoUT
He stays downtown all day.
tbs funny,
For all she spends is time
Not money.
MODERN WAR
Vast armies battle
To and fro
-Nnd again a couple
OF yards or so.
OUR BELIEF
The Kaiser says the Lord has helped
To stem the Russian tide,
But neertheless we're still convinced
He's not on either side.
LURED OUT
Here's where we stop
Well shut up shop
And toll no more tpaay,
For the realm of toys
And Christmas joys
Is calling us away.
PAUL COOK.