davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington herald., 1914-07-05
BOWSER'S NEMESIS
His Dear Old Mother.I In. Law Still Pursues Him

You've got a voice on you like q bull
frog. but I've heard that kind before.
Have you got through making nuisance
OF yourself In the kitchen and thinking
you know all about bossing hired girl?'
II never interfered with the domeA-
tic arrangements OF the house, he shout
ed, as he looked around for the cat to
give her a lift up with his foot.
why. you drove two away when I was
here last! told Annie then that you
were the biggest hen-hussy / ever met
with. and II she'd taken my advice she'd
have sat down on you like brick house.
I'm glad to hear you are minding your
own business. Have you expended any
sympathy on tramps lately?"
Woman, have you come a hundred
miles to insult mel" demanded Mr.. Bow
ser, as his heels got red-hot under him.
Don't get a stroke Of apoplexy over
itI' replied the mother-in-law, as she
coaxed the cat on to her lap. What
you need is q wife who will trim you
down occasionally. All husbands need
trimming They are apt to think they
own the earth. What are you breathing
so hard about? Got another hog in the
penn
Il never had a hog!''
Perhaps 1t was q calf. then. know
you had poor animal OF some sort PEN
ned"
Never
Don't shout so loud. and for mercy
sake sit down in that chair before your
knees collapse under you! Seems 10 me
you are getting bow-legged. With about
ten pounds more OF fat on your ribs
youTl lead the procession. How many
cures for rheumatism have you got on
hand Just now?'
And I've got to stand this" groaned
Mr.. Bowser. as he looked around in a
helpless way.
"Oh. you'll survive and be the better
for II. I'm going upstairs now. but to-
morrow I shall want to talk to you a
little. That is, you need lot Of trim
ming and you'll get it. Don't swallow
your collar-button now, and don't GO
banging around and threatening TO get a
divorce from Annie. I'll bid you good
night now and see you in the morning"
Two hours later he came creeping up
to bed. Mrs Bowser looked at him from
The Washington herald., 1914-07-05

that the other relations between
strained. They need not be
broken of. as public courtesy
something Of each of US, but weI
slider them strained TO such a tens
the slightest further action may
tate a tragedy. viii such c
agreeable to yo', sah?'
1t will, majah. As l understand II,
each Of us may hereafter drink alone"
Exactly. sab, and pay TO his own
drink
Then I bid yo' good day
And goo day TO yo'.'
And that's how 1t was from beginning
to end. ssh." said the colonel. as he lean
ed back in his chair and got his feet
peg higher. Twenty years ago should
have demanded that the majah meet me
at sunrise and he would have been on
hand to the minute. but the code is not
what II was. Great change OF public
opinion, sab. Yo' are either friendly
enough with a man TO drink with him or
yo' consider the relations as strained and
do not see him when yo' meet. I respect
Majah Tripper as a soldier, sab, as q man
who fought and bled TO his country. and
the majah respects Col Bunker as a SOL
dier. sab. as the hero OF Antietam, Chan
cellorsvilIe, and Gettysburg. but We do
not drink together-do not drink together.
sah"'
The Washington herald., 1914-07-05

the King turned to his royal treasurer
and asked:
Murphy, am the King Of Persian
You bet your last iron dollar"
DO l understand frenZied finance?'
As an old COW knows the way home. "
Murphy, we need money again"
I'VE are always needing 1t, o, King. "
You expect me to hook this bauble,
don't you?"
Such is my expectation, Sir"
We'll, you'll get fooled. Send here to
me old shoni. the money-lender.''
In half an hour the old man was there,
and the King said to him:
Il am not going to ask you for a loan. I"
Praise be to Allah" whispered the
caller to himself.
Are these diamonds the real thing?"
They are the purest"
What do you value the cross at?"
Il will give $1,000 scudi for it"
The cross was sent TO the Royal jeweler
and the stones replaced for paste ones.
Then old ShonI was sent for again, and
the King said:
Does your offer for this cross stand
good yet?''
1T does"
Then bring me the rhino."
When the money was brought and the
cross handed over. the old man took one
squint at il and then shouted:
But these diamonds are only glass;
But you reported to me that they were
the real thing"
Il could not be SO mistaken
But 1t seems that you were Mr. Shoni,
you have lied to your Eing!"
And you insult the King of Egypt in
thinking he would send me paste dia-
mondsi"
"Ruini Ruin"
''old man. you have forfeited your
head no less than six times over, but
shall make allowance for your age. Go
forth and tell to all men what kind
and forgiving King I am"
And when the victim had departed the
King turned TO Murphy and winked and
asked:
Wasn't 1t slick?"
The slickest thing since the New Ha-
ven Road was locatedT' was the reply.
The Washington herald., 1914-07-05

Il guess you'll miss it this time. my
SON."
During the day the carpenter saw Mr..
Enright and told him Of the dream. and
advised that the horse be locked in the
barn O. nights. The owner laughed heart
lily and replied:
Don't let Rob dream that my mother
in-law is coming on to live with me-"
Two nights later the horse disappeared
and was never heard Of again.
BY thunder exclaimed the loser.
Isn't it strange!" exclaimed a hundred
others.
Young Rob didn't rush the dreaming
business. 1t was four weeks later that
he said:
Father. Mr.. Jones. the constable is
going TO be hurt
How" was asked.
II dreamed that a man hurt him."
What sort of a looking man.
His nose was reddish and he had
bushy whiskers and was in his shirt
sleeves
The constable was told, and he smiled
and replied:
''Boyce, do you believe in your boys
dreams?"
''Yes: think So"
We'll. TO show you that don't. here's
a five-doIlar bill I'll bet against a 50-cent
piece that this dream of his turns out to
be nonsense"
MIR. Boyce fished up the coin and the
wager was made. That was In the fore
noon. In the afternoon he drove out into
the country TO serve some papers on
farmer. and while talking with the mans
wife at the door he was hit on the head
with a club by the husband. who sneaked
I'D behind. The assaulteT had reddish
nose bushy whiskeTs and was in his
shirt sleeves.
The constable was in. bed for two
months. and the farmer ran away to
avoid arrest.
When II was known to all that young
Boyce had foretold the episode a part Of
the community wanted something done to
restrain him as q dangerous character.
why. he may dream OF my death or
yours!' they said to each other with
pale faces
"Au right-go ahead" said Mr.. Boyce.
IF there II . law In this country 70
The Washington herald., 1914-07-05

His royal nibbs sat at breakfast.
He was hard up again.
As he slipped his corn-coffee and
munched his Goldfish cakes he thought Of
various little plans to raise the needful.
When he showed back from the table
he had the right idea, and a messenger
boy was dispatched TO ask Murphy, the
royal treasurer. to show up without loss
of time.
II am here, o, King" announced Muir
ply as he came painting in.
''Tis well. Murphy. do you know that
we A,e hard up for CASH."
We always are. most benefcient ruler. -
And yet you call yourself a wizard
of finance"
But can wizard take an empty treas
ury and make it buy a pearl necklace
for every chorus girl that strikes our
town.
IF we are a king then we must live
like a king. You must raise some cash
today"
Then it's the last of the spoons to
I0e pd"uSLAOb-
Murphy, do not insult your ruler"
II meant it not that way, o, king"
Then don't make another break like
that AS I said, you will have to raise
some spondulicks today"
Murphy groaned.
'Out of your salary and stealings you
have saved the sum of 5000 scudL''
Not a blame cent have 1 laid by, o.
Ruler"
Then the people have just cause for
their bowling"
'Howling!"
You bet. 1t is worse than that They
demand your head. They say that but
for your personal extravagance taxes
would not be half as high as they are"
"Oh, Ruler" said Murphy as he turned
as white as flour, 81 have not even been
to the movies in the last three months.
and you can see for yourself that am
wearing celluloid collar and tie from
the i0-cent store"
Yes, I see: but when the people are
aroused / must placate them. They want
your head and must have it"
But they have made a great mistake
about me-
That may be so, but il they discover
II after your death they viii erect
monument to you. If you are ready now
viii send you to the headsman."
The Washington herald., 1914-07-05
A BOY WHO DREAMED

was somewhat impressed by his earnest
ness.
No. she wasn't"
1T amt worth minding." said the
father. as he left the table to fill his
pipe.
An hour later he met the pastor Of
the church on the street and told him
what young Rob had dreamed.
indigestion" replied the good man.
But it was very vivid TO him."
''Tish! Tish! You should tell him how
foolish such things are"
On the afternoon of the third day
thereafter a thunderstorm came. While
the clouds were banking up the boy came
in from play and said to his mother:
Now, you watch out and you'll see the
church struck
Why. Rob. you only dreamed it would
be-"
1T will be!''
And it was. The very first thunder
bolt hit the spire and shattered and fired
it. and though there was a heavy rain
the building was destroyed. When it
came to be generally known that the
boy had dreamed it. it was commented
on as a curious thing, but it was the
start Of his career as a dreamer. 1t was
about two weeks later that he said to
his father:
Father. they are going to steal Mr..
Enright's black horse"
How DO you know"
II dreamed it last night. The horse
was in lot. and a strange man put q
bride on him and rode him on.''
The Washington herald., 1914-07-05

Il should say it vhase feefteen cents
for a cement patch on your shoe"
''Und no more?"
''VheIl maype says he vhas a hot day
or don't feel vhell."
"Ah. I see! Dot vhas der whole secret,
you doan' make some customers feel at
home. You vhas cold and distant, and
people pellet you vhas some icicles und
doan' come back no more. Hans, you
must de deterrent"
Und he tells me how he does to build
op phis big peesness, und it looks so
easy to me dot I goes home feeling
tickIed all oafer. Next morning begins
nit dot new plan. Der first customer
vhas a doctor who like to haf his heels
fixed oop. AS me comes in der door I
stands oop und bows und holds out my
hand und says:
Il vhas glad to see you. Take a seat
und feel at home. How vhas der wife
The Washington herald., 1914-07-05

John Boyce was a village carpenter,
a hard-workfng man. AS a matter Of
fact, he was inclined to be lazy. He had
wife who was regarded as easy-going.
and the couple did not cut much of a
figure in the estimation of the villagers.
The eldest and only child of the
Boyces when they had been married
seven years was a son named Bob, six
years old. He wasn't dull, and he was
not considered unusually smart-just an
average boy. If any one had predicted
inside out before he reached the age Of
seven, he would have been looked upon
as light in the head. The boy started
his career at the breakfast table one
moring when he said:
Father did the lightning over strike
anything in Hillsdale?'
Not that 1 remember Of" was the
reply.
But it's going to-"
"When?,
II won't be long"
How do you known"
Dreamed it last night"
"Bosh!'
"Oh, but it will for sure
"whafn it striker.
The Methodist Westinghouse. It's
going to strike the spire and bust it all
down"
Bob. the cat must have bean lying on
your stomach" said the mother. who
The Washington herald., 1914-07-05
The Diamond Crn..

One day there arrived at the palace
Of the King a messenger from the
court of Egypt and having sought audi
ence, he said:
20 ruler of the sun, moon and stars.
come from your fellow-KIng of
Egypt"
IF he wants to borrow any money
you'll have to go back and tell him
that / am busted"
He is not strapped, o King 1t is
his good wishes bring you"
That is nice"
And he bade me present you this
diamond cross as q token of his friend
ship"
He did. Ell? That is the sort OF a
friend to have. Say to him that II any
one picks fuss with Egypt win come
to the rescue with half million men. :"
When the messenger had departed
The Washington herald., 1914-07-05

Mr.. Bowser was smiling and good
natured when he reached home the other
evening, and Mrs. Bowser was 50 pleased
over the fact that they had hardly got
seated at the dinner table when she
said:
Il have a bit Of news for you. Who
do you think Is coming on the o'clock
train?'
Not your mother7' he queried.
Yes, got a telegram from her an hour
ago. II hope you won't be mad.
Mad? Why should ! be mad? She's
The citizen. (Frederick City, Md.) 1895-1923, 1914-11-27

man. If there Is anything on your
mind, speak 1t out. That's my method
and have no patience for riddles"
There Is just this on my mind, Mr..
Brand" he said. Reynolds went broke
today, fat-you understand, fat. He
went broke on Henning's, tip, and Hen
ming is your broker. Reynolds lost
$4,000; every cent he had in the
world, and you won two hundred thou.
sand. That's what's on. my mind. Mr..
Brand"
We'll, what about it2" the million
aire asked sharply. He glowered at
Dick and thrust out his Jaw men.
acingly.
I don't know what about it." replied
the reporter still quietly. but with his
face in Just as threatening proximity
as Brands. I'm here to find out"
Brand side-stepped the issue.
You told Reynolds that% he In
quired.
Il told him what you won, yes. About
his own losses l guess he was pretty
well informed"
The millionaire took out his cigar
case and rendered 1t to Dick in a GIN
gerly, matter-of-fact way. The report
or declined. and Brand lighted his
cigar with a deliberate movement. He
The citizen. (Frederick City, Md.) 1895-1923, 1914-11-27
RUSSIANS HALT
Won H|NDENBURG
ReinfOrCements Turn Tide OF
Battle Between vistuIa
and Marta Rivers.
Petrogad Now Counting Upon
Decisive Victory.
--latest Summary

That the Germans advance toward
Warsaw has been checked is indi-
Gated by an announcement at Berlin
that "in Poland the appearance Of Rus
sian reinforcements Is postponing the
decision Of the battle"
Gumbinnen. In East Prussia, has
been captured by the Russians, accord
Ing to press dispatch from Petro-
grad, but so far there has been no on
cial confirmation of this report.
Wintry weather has given the in
undated fields in the battle region of
Belgium coating of ice, and the fight
ing has been reduced to cannonading,
which has brought no material change
In the situation.
Heavy fighting in the Argonne
region, In France, is mentioned In off,
cial reports from Berlin and Paris
The Berlin report asserts that in this
region the Germans are gaining
ground step by STEP" The Paris re-
port says that violent attacks by both
sides have been without result.
A victorious advance by the British
forces operating along the Persian
Gulf is announced in an Official state
ment at London, which declares that
the Turkish forces encountered have
been put to flight. The same announce
ment reports the repulse of British
force which sought to take a railway
terminus in German East Africa.
Dispatches from Constantinople
state that the Turks are continuing
their advance upon Batum, the Rus
sian port on the Black Sea. and that a
Turkish force has reached the Suez
Canal
The citizen. (Frederick City, Md.) 1895-1923, 1914-11-27
Slaughter Of Pheasants.

A slaughter Of pheasants unequaled
In the history Of Massachusetts,, except
possibly for one year-1907-when this
game bird was practically exter-
minated, was the prediction made at
the statehouse few days ago, says
the Boston Transcript Three thou
sand pheasants were killed on the re-
cent opening day of the season, and
the fish and game commission estimate
that as many more will fall before the
guns of "sportsmen" before the law
becomes effective again.
Hunters have had no difficulty in
killing the pheasants, which, pro-
tected for years by the state law,
have been made as tame as the barn.
yard fowl. Thousands of men and
boys have gone into the fields and
woods.
The citizen. (Frederick City, Md.) 1895-1923, 1914-11-27
A catechIsm.
@. What is a treaty?
A A froofv is q oolaro1

Q. What is treaty?
A. A treaty Is a solemn covenant be-
tween nations.
@. Why the solemnity?
A. 1t costs nothing and 1t makes the
Joke that much richer.
@. By whom are treaties framed?
A. By plenipotentiaries.
@. What do plenipotentiaries sitting
about a table scrupulously refrain
from until after their pictures have
been taken?
A. Laughter.
@. What economic significance, II
any, have treaties?
A. They are written on parchment
and parchment is .sheepskin, SO that q
great many treaties being signed I'D
makes for easier money among the
farmers, an important class.-New
York Evening Post.
The citizen. (Frederick City, Md.) 1895-1923, 1914-11-27
discriminating Prairie poas.

A correspondent in South Dakota
writes that in his part Of the country
the automobile has been found great
success as prairie dog exterminator.
A piece Of hose slipped onto the ex-
haust conducts the gases into the dog
hole for few minutes. when the hole
is covered with earth. That is enough
for the dog. OF course some automo.
biles are more efficient in this sort
Of work than others, and the machine
with an exhaust that will kill a dog
might find favor in some parts of the
country as well as on the prairie; but
manufacturers are not likely to lay
much stress on this feature of their
machine. Scientific American.
The citizen. (Frederick City, Md.) 1895-1923, 1914-11-27
BELIEVE HOUR FIXED
WHY MANY SOLDIERS scoRN TO
AVOID DANGER.
Fated to Die When Their Time Gomez,
They See No Use In Any EndeaV-
or to Evade the Summons OF
the Death Angel.

Soldiers are often heard to say. 1T
| am going to be shot, shall be shot"
Wilberforce, an officer in the British
army during the Indian mutiny, said
that he never met but three men who
carried into practice the adage. One
Of those men was friend, who, On
Wilberforce's arrival In front Of Delhi,
proposed a ride to show him the pick
cts. assuring him that the journey was
safe. AS they rode along Wilberforce
suddenly heard the ping of a bullet.
quickly followed by second and q
third.
Hello, what does this meanH" he
asked.
"Oh, it Is only the rife pits; we are
just on their line Of fire." answered
the friend.
Instantly Wilberforce whipped up
his steed and galloped into a safe
place. Turning Ground, he saw that
his friend had dismounted and was
picking up the whip that Wilberforce
had dropped. Having done that, he
slowly remounted and walked his
horse into the place where WILDER
force was awaiting him.
On another occasion a live shell
came inside a siege battery and began
burying itself in the ground Every.
body went down except this fatalist.
Lie down, you fool" the men
called out. Removing his cigar from
his mouth, said the fatalist, Il am not
going to put myself out for" The
sentence was interrupted by the ex.
plosion Of the shell. A fragment tore
off a piece of the standing mans trou.
sers. He pointed to the torn portion
as an illustration of the truth Of the
adage
The other man who lived up to this
fatalist doctrine was seen by WILDER
force standing still to light q cigar in
the middle Of street down which q
heavy fire was pouring. Wilberforce.
who was under shelter. called to him
to come under cover. He looked up
and said:
"How often have told you that IL
am to be shot shall be shot whether
am where / am or under Govern"
Then, taking out another match, he
finished the lighting process which his
friend had interrupted.
The third instance occurred at the
Delhi bank on the day of the assault.
Seated on the steps Of the bank, be-
tween two men, was Wilberforce's
most intimate friend. The houses Cd.
posite were thickly lined with Sepoy
rebels, who kept up harassing fire.
to which the three men were directly
exposed.
Wherefore called to them to join
him under the shelter of wall. The
friend answered, "If / am to be shot,
I shall be, no matter where am"
Scarcely had he spoken when his
companions were killed. He himself
was not touched, though seven bullets
struck one companion and two the
other. He called attention to the fact
as proof Of the truth of his theory.
The citizen. (Frederick City, Md.) 1895-1923, 1914-11-27
Cro BE coNr1NUED)
BandIt's Heart Was Touched.

A highwayman who held up Sam
uel Durocher Of Philipstown, in Mill
Plain. near Brewster, had a heart"
Because he was a cripple the gun
man, after taking everything valuable
Durocher had in his clothes. split the
spoils with him. Durocher had an
arm taken of by railroad cars three
months ago. AS he was walking to
Brewster to get train home the foot
pad halted him. After he took $21, a
watch, and necktie pin from Durocher
he relented when Durocher told him
he hadn't worked in three months, and
said: We'll, we'll go halves" He
returned the watch and $11. but kept
the pin and $10.-Philipstown (Pa.)
Dispatch to New York Herald.
The citizen. (Frederick City, Md.) 1895-1923, 1914-11-27
JAPs READY TO SEND ARMY.
Big Force Awaits Call To Aid Allies
In Europe.

London.-Arthur Diosy, founder of
the Japan Society and an authority on
Anglo-Japanese affairs, says in a state
ment that Japan Is ready to furnish
large army If 1t is found necessary
to increase the allied forces in Eu-
rope. "The Japanese Army is in a
complete state of readiness" says Mr..
Diosy, "and if it is necessary to in
crease the allied forces in Europe the
Japanese are willing and ready to sup
ply Immediately large, admirably
equipped and highly trained army. The
Trans-Siberian Railway and an ample
supply of Japanese steamships make
the transportation of 100000 men in
two months easy"
The citizen. (Frederick City, Md.) 1895-1923, 1914-11-27

"HeIp2 Why Does He Need Help"
puffed it slowly once or twice with
contemplative mien, then stepped
quickly up to Meade, facing him with
a challenging look.
Young man." he said sharply, II am
here tonight in answer to a message
from Reynolds. My business with Rey-
nolds Is for him and me; not for you.
II you want to play the good Samari-
tan, have no objection. 1t is very
laudable of you, but I'll do my own
charity work in my own way. II you
take my advice. you'll step out Of this
affair tonight and let Reynolds and
settle 1t ourselves"
"All right" Meade agreed. That's
what intend to do. just want to let
you know, however, that l am here to
throw out life line IL one is needed.
That's my line Of business to some ex-
tent. and I've got some pretty good
life-savers back of me-the magazine
mentioned. l can throw out the line
and II the rescue job Is too big for me,
there will be plenty Of help behind
Just remember that" he finished, as
Reynolds step was heard at the top Of
the stairs.
Meade started for his coat and hat
Hello, Brand" called Reynolds, as
he descended. and as he caught sight
Of Dick. You're not going? Why,
you can't get train back at this time
Of night. Dick. Besides, you must stay
and see Jane"
Dick continued his preparations for
departure.
"You and Brand have some business
to discuss. Bob. and I'll see you in the
morning."
Nonsense, nothing of the kind, you
stay right here" his friend insisted.
We'll be through our business soon.
won't we, Brandt"
why, yes" answered the million.
aire amiably enough. HE doesn't
have to go on my account"
81 should say not" Bob decided.
"You go upstairs, Dick. to my den.
It's in the front of the house. Lots to
smoke and plenty to read. I'll call you
when we're through. Jane'll be home
by that time, too"
VERY WE'LL" Meade assented. He
smiled as he glanced at the million
aire. "I'll close the door, SO you don't
need to worry, Mr.. Brand"
Brands laugh was void Of mirth, but
he answered with fine sarcasm and
self-assurance.
"Any time you make me worry.
young man, I'll retire from business"
Thank you," said Dick. as he as
cended the stairs. that makes me all
the more eager to seek the oppor-
tunity."
Reynolds walked to the table and
poured out some brandy. Have
some?" he asked CURLY, holding .
glass towards the millionaire.
mo. thanks; it's little late for me-
You're going pretty strong to that
stuff. aren't you. Reynolds?"
"Oh, don't know" Bob answered
tartly, mot SO strong but that can
take care of myself. guess. Where
are the ladies?"