davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1914-01-05

We suppose the next crisis in Mexico
will come when the next pay day for the
troops rolls around.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1914-01-05

We believe that even q blind girl
would come to standstili when she
gets under the mistletoe.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1914-01-05

When some people have nothing else
to worry about they worry about the
things that worried them last year.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1914-01-05

Nothing like forethought. A Montana
citizen provided in his will that his coffin
should be lined with asbestos.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1914-01-05

There is not single word that rhymes
with nineteen fourteen. glory be.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1914-01-05
A Line o Cheer Each Day o
eth Year.
DEAD-LETTERS.
Original Poem written for The Herald
By JOHN KENpRIcK BANGS.
tCopright. 1914

Copyright. lsitl
Are you haunted by some ghost
Spectre grim OF some despair?
Send II of by parcel-post
To NOBODY, ANYWHERE.
Don't forget-thats the address.
II will land sore day anon
In that vast dead-letter mess
That's destroyed at Washington
That's the best advice know:
MAKE DEAD-LETTERS OF YOUR
WOEl
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1914-01-05
Morning Smiles.


From the Louisville ComicrJurnaL
put your Iame down at my club
last month" said Mr.. wombat. Last
week your name was put up for ballot.
but some fellow prevented II being put
through. Never mind. though. I'll put
you over"
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1914-01-05

II at first you don't keep your New
Year resolutions, why, try, try again.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1914-01-05

Nearly every editor in the country has
Aviator Beachy's obituary already
written.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1914-01-05
Time for Baseball to Begin.

We'll have to fire that manager Of
ours and get live one said the base
ball magnate.
Whats the trouble?' asked the
friendly fan.
why. here it's nearly January, and
he hasn't claimed the pennant for next
year yet"
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1914-01-05
Lfebe Jugend!

Fun Harper's Bzzar
Teacher-Tommy Slimson. have you
any good excuse for being late?
Tommy (beaming)-Yes, ma am.
Teacher-What is il?
Tommy-Waffies
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1914-01-05
Redeeming Trait.

FROM Judge.
Myrtle-How can you stand that Jack
Brazen. Mary? think he's the limit.
Mary-well. he's got a sixty-horse-
power car. Myrtle, an you cant expect
everything.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1914-01-05
Getting Early,

Prom the Cleveland Plain DesIer
Pardon me, Mr.. Brassey, but II Is
II 30 and l am obliged to say good
night"
You consider II 30 a late hour
1T isn't that so much, but father Is
lying awake upstairs trying to think Of
funny things to say about you-like
Why didn't you ask him to stay to
breakfast. or bring In the milk. or sweep
on the porch?' and I'm not going to give
him any such opportunity. Good night"
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1914-01-05
Serious Loss.

Briggs-Did you experience a sense Of
loss after you had been operated on?
Griggs-I did when ! got the bill
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1914-01-05
The Main Question.

Prom the Yonkers Statesman.
Now, Bridget. tell me another
thing" said the lady about to engage a
new girl. DO you know enough to keep
your mouth Shut
well, ma'am. I knows enough all
right. but the question Is. does get
enough wages to encourage me tor
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1914-01-05

From Exchange
did you know remarked a Spring
field lady to her Boston friend, that we
have several thousand Poles in the Con-
necticut Valleyy'
How nice to grow beans on" replied
the lady from Boston.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1914-01-05
Bravery.

From the Boston Transcript.
Shell would never marry a man who
is a coward.
He-About how brave would he have
to be to meet your approval?
She-well. he'd have to have courage
enough to-er-propose.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1914-01-05
Our Total Exports.

The Ambassador and Mr.. Snodgrass
both claim. with some slight discrepan-
cies, that Russia paid us last year $780,,
0o0, 0oo Our -four meets the competition
of hers. Our New England shoes are
under foot in her cities. One shop is
said to be selling 600 pairs a day In St
Petersburg. a trade that has grown from
little or nothing in eighteen months. The
country people are not our shoe patrons.
for they cope with mud in summer, along
poor roads, and with snow in winter.
The call of the Russian market is strong.
Her population is more than twice as
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1914-01-05

A citizen addicted to the collection
of rare coins decided to add a set of
the old shin-plaster greenbacks,. rang
ing from a Scent note up to so, in
GLIDING denominations of 5. 10, Is, and
2, cent notes. II took some time and
a few premiums to make the set COM
plete, and the younger wise ones were
unusually interested in seeing a style
of money their fathers were glad to
get in days of war and just after.
Then some one noted the peculiar
signature of the Register of the Treas
ury. finally deciphering the name as
Francis +. Spinner. When Spinner was
living and millions of his autographs
were doing good the country over. IL
ington to see how he put such a re-
markable signature on paper with pen
and ink. He went through consider
able gymnastics to accomplish the feat.
and visitors begged for a real auto
graph as a souvenir of their stay in
Washington. 1t is not generally re-
called that Spinner served three terms
in Congress from the Mohawk district
of New York and went from the House
to the Treasury at the request OF Lin
coin in 1861. He continued a dozen
years, retiring at his own request.
Spinner was the first to suggest and
even demand the employment of wom-
en- clerks In the Treasury and other
DEPARTMENTS Some day the thousands
OF women employees in government de-
partments will erect a statue In Spin
ner's honor, or. at least. they ought
to do so, and they may get around to
II In due time.
The Detroit times., 1914-04-06

Says Father, OwRs 40 Per Cent
Of Colorado Fusl 4 Iron
Company stock

WARRINGTON. April s.-Haled be-
fore the house Colorsdo strike probers
without subpoena. John d. Rockefeller.
Jr.. today swors his father holds only
about 40 per cent. OF the stock OF the
Colorado Fuel Z Iron Co.--chief con.
Germ In the Colorado coal fields.
Rockefeller. h.. ~ ono OF his faith
er's Ave representatives In the com
pany. declared he. himself holds only
enough stock to Quglify AS a director.
His fathers holdings he listed ss 49,.
S07 shares of. common stock. about ~
per cent; 7,943 shares Of preferred,
about 40 per cent: 314,4.,Q0ed In the
Colorado Industrial Go. SIS connected!
with the c. r. & L.. about ~ per cent
and $366.000 worth or C. F.. Il !. SIS,
about six per cent.
The ell kings son said the c. +. y
l. sliced q IS per cent dividend In 1919.
although he believed this was the only
dividend In 10 years. lie said the
eight per cent cumulative preferred
stock had piled up IS per cent up 10
last year.
Rockefeller was severely srilied oy
the committee on the MANAGEMENT or
the company. He admitted he knew
very little about its operation.
Out Of today's session the commit.
tee hoped to get . new lead. Some
members anticipated that the confer.
ence might be productive. Of q truce.
and all agreed that Il was bound TO
The Detroit times., 1914-04-06
SAYS HUSBAND IS
REGULAR BLUEBEARD
Mrs. ]. w. Keller Says Spouse
Spent His Evening in Abus-
ing Her

Old Mister Bluebeard had nothing
on John w. Keller, according to the
testimony Of his wife and sister.in.
law, Monday. in the court Of domes.
tic relations, where Mrs. Keller is
asking Z divorce.
According to her story John spent
most OF his evenings in beating her
up. pulling her hair, throwing her
around and checking her, Whenever
she had reached the limit of endur.
ance would indicate she was beconl.
ing peeyish John would take poison
and attempt to kill himself. She de.
clared he did this So she would for.
give him his alleged cruelty to her
He capped the climax, abe said, by
dragging her by the hair of the head
into their room, turning on the gas
aud stopping up the cracks in the
door. She was rescued by narrow
margin from death when members OF
her family broke down the door.
Mrs. Keller. who Il young and pret.
ty, thought John had weak mind
complicated by q strong temper" I"
The case was taken under advise
ment.
The Detroit times., 1914-04-06
POLICE AUTO STOLEN 90
BY NERVY THIEVES

VIII someone please help the po-
lice department to recover the auto
mobile that Is badly. needed By. the
department for running down thieves
who steal automobiles?
It has been missing since 10
o'clock, Saturday night. whom Detec-
tives mike" Lannan and Henry
Shook stepped into saloon at No.
SO Michigan-ave., to look up com.
plaint, and stepped out again few
minutes later to look into . vacant
spot where their auto, the pride and
Joy of the detective bureau, had been
standing. Nary q trace Of that auto
have the police yet obtained.
Conferences have been held, to no
avail. Various endearing terms, ap-
piled to the thief or thieves who
sneaked that machine. ought to send
him or them to some ear specialist
for relief for that burning sensation.
Lannan and Shook. II is said, have
not slept since the machine was
stolen. Rumor has Il that they are
plodding through the mushy. slushy
snow, mile after mile, following tire
tracks, and listening anxious1y for
any little short whistle that may e.
cape. II the Joy rider happens to
monkey with the warning device on
the police machine.
The Detroit times., 1914-04-06

yet more and better, bring your work
your deeds, your service! Bring your
tools, ~ men who labor, an1 spread
them In His triumphal way! Brins
pour instruments, o physician; your
booSxs- o teacher. and sproad them be,
fore Him. the Great Physician, the
Greatest Teacher! Bring that clean
newspaper, free from the slime Of cor.
rupti0n and the mud of falDohood. free
from things evil and loyal TO things
oood. and spread II In His way! Brink
those plans for that now hospital, that
program for the preveatlpq q child
lohor. that law for the ooeogl16rding
e Wemanhood, hat sppoal Sor brotn-
erho6d. that movement for juetice, that
proDDonl fer poaco--sprood them, a.
pain beanchss, before Him, Tor she
King = coming IN HE olosy and che
~ 3 z ts's.?ssl s -. s.ssy si.A svery
The Detroit times., 1914-04-06
TOLEDO COUNCIL
REFUSES DICKER
No Compromise Likely in Three
Cent Fare Situa.
tiOn

TOLEDO. o.. April 6.-Toledo's city
council will probably not accept the
street car company's proposal for q
compromise to settle the three-cent
car fare war. It was stated today,
The company proposed to put oper.
alton of its lines under city con.
troll for one year. charging flve cents
for regular fares. and selling ave tick.
cts for Is cents In return for %
year franchise. Mayor Keller, It was
stated today, plans to enforce the
councils straight three-cent. fare ordi.
nance and give police protection to
passengers \who meet affronts from
car crews when they decline to pay
more. The company refuses to 40
cept less than nve-cent fares. Hun
dreds Of passengers declined to pay
Ave cents and rode free again today.
The Detroit times., 1914-04-06

now 10 the present tense Of always.
And 20 our present lives and labors
take On larger neaniAss and values.
They have HniverDal and eternal bear.
Ing and outcome. s,
Believing then IN the larger life
We nnd the worth Of the present. We
believe n the Kingdom Of God q stse.
nal and universal, % We must believe
10 lt and work for it here ana now.
so On Palm Sunday tho Lord eA-
ters our city - He entered Jerpsa-
lem ~ old. Adown oar ovOnue6r ne
moves. Men may not 80 Hin: Mt
He y there. Amoag the, throooD q
churches. IN The midst - or busy
crowds, aloag our feoenn1ne .eerooGo.
Bring your palms! Bring youf palme
to spread teeoee HIml EF1ne ,pol1ns
!ss.s. AZ ,sss;@s q ~. p -
The Detroit times., 1914-04-06
THREE DETROITERS
HURT IN WRECK
Three Killed, 40 Injured, When
Wabash Train Plunges
Through Bridge

ATTICA, Ind, April 6.--Allsteei
cars saved the lives OF many when
Wabash limited train No. went
through the wabash river bridge here
yesterday afternoon, killing three. in.
juring one fatally. and hurting prob.
ably 40 others.
The dead:
Tim Hull. engineer. Peru, Ind.
Jake Miller, fireman, Peru, Ind.
]. A. Thomas. express messenger.
Huntington, Ind.
Among the more seriously injured
were three Detroiters. Frank Warien.
iiagman. hip hurt; Frank Bliss, No.
A84 Marquette-ave.. express messenger.
right leg fractured, and Edward Su.
sanke, No. 33S Concord-st.. back
wrenched.
The Detroit times., 1914-04-06

barber. shop 20. have him made pre-
oentable. While the barber was APP
plyjns hot towels TO Jacobs face. the
swS ts.s, strAnser's 'sft' with Jacobs
lGsssAsll Pssse, spsski.g ss srslk
NusSum Of Art Sunday Afternoon.
dsclsrsd that q he were tc read the
words Of some OF the s0-callsd popu-
lar songs from Z stage he would be
Arr estsd because Of their indscsncy.
foik sonss. rc.k Ss,Sn sone: Win wsS. dSvsl.
oped accompan ansmeny. and art songs,
Mr; and nre rcars gave several
Pease's argument Mr. Pease plead
Cd Tor more recogn' on Of poet and
composer in 'is'en iris to a concert.
and 'e.- nttcnr'on Ire singer who
ne I'tcrs tn w"rd Castn'r
ter has beer glen q prominent
place In the r,useurn for holy week.
IL will be returned TO its owner DR..
Frank w. Guusaulus. OF Chicago.
after Easter
The Detroit times., 1914-04-06
THUMPED BY CONDUCTOR:
AWARDED SIX CENTS

Franklin Sawyer received Z verdict
OF six cents In Justice Commands
court against the d. u. r., Monday,
and this sum will Just about nay for
the sticking plaster Franklin had to
BUY after = conductor had thrown
MIN from car. According to the
testimony Sawyer entered the car
with lighted pipe and was told to
stop smoking. When the conductors
back was turned he dumped out the
flre and replaced the pipe In his
mouth. A light followed and he was
left on the back Of his neck In the
street. Justice Command gave him
the verdict because the D. U. r. did
not APPEAR but the court declared the
man was smart alec, and got what
was coming to him."
The Detroit times., 1914-04-06
WILD ORGY IN
1HEATER BRINGS
POLICE ON JUMP
Quartet Of Men and Maidens
Stages Noisy Performance
At $3.50 A. N.
ORCHESTRA EQUIPMENT
AIDS IN PRODUCING DIN
"Act0rs" Are Lugged to Central
Station, Given Warning,
and Freed

"Help." came the call, over the po
lice signal line to the switch board, al
2:30 O'Clock, Monday morning
There's something wrong up here
something very wrong.
The operator plugged into the de-
tective bureau line, and ordered full
speed ahead TO the Grand Circus the
ater on Woodward-ave.. near the
park. where policeman seemed tc
be In some grave diificulty. Detec
tives Corbett and Rode were rushed
to the spot In the flyer. They found
the policeman on the beat guarding
the theater.
Every light in the place blazed out
cheerily, and from within came the
strangest Of medleys; roars Of lions
ragtime piano music, shutting OF feet
high pitched cries In human voice.
and other phenomena.
1T amt right" said the policeman
and the three hardy men, advanced
upon the theater.
Within, - young woman was dane
ing and slnging-it was the singing
that made the, most noise-on the
stage, In the glare OF the f0otlights
WuIAo Vu0 youS8 u1ou pVuuuo0 SuC ~
an0 with abandon. and another young
woman sat In the orchestra pit and
ground out roars Of lions. tinkles Of
orchestra bells. pickanniny shuffies,
and galloping c0cOanut shells--0r
rather, horses. Ever and anon came
the rattle Of musketry and the boom
Of the bass drum cannon.
And the audience? He sat In the
middle Of the show house, clapping
his hands. stamping his feet, and
roaring his approval.
Just two girls and two youths. and
the orchestral outfit, that was what
caused all the trouble.
The hilarious four were placed In
the hyer and taken to the detective
bureau for investigation. One Of the
young men works as an operator in
the theater. the other was friend OF
his from out Of town, and the girls
lived In the neighborhood. and were
acquainted with the movie operator.
They were repentant and fright
ened, a. they faced Inspector Good.
He read them lecture, and let
them 90.
The Detroit times., 1914-04-06
CALLS HUSBAND
!. LATEST EVER
Hasn't Enough Energy to Keep
7 Self Clean, Mrs. Chas. Cooper
Tells Court

Charles Cooper IL the LATEST man In
Detroit. according to the testimony Of
his wife and mother-in-law. given be-
fore Judge Lacy In the court o: domes-
tic relations Monday.
Mrs. Cooper wants q divorce, and
after making . few general charges as
to Charles chronic spring fever she
got down into the heart OF the thing
and specified.
There was the matter of dirt.
Charles worked In an automobile fac
tory and each day he would gather
unto himself q thin layer Of grease
and dirt Thin was not exactly deco
rative, but Charlea seemed to think II
had it's uses. 10 he would allow the
layer to lie for sever1l days until Il
got 30 thick It would crack whom he
talked, his wife said.
Coming home after whistle time he
would draw up q. chair to tho table.
lay one hand on loaf Of bread. and
when It came away map of Ireland
in machine oil and carbon dust would
decorate It. The same thing happen
ed to the table cloth and the walls
and the dishes. After while the dirt
would get 30 thick on his face that
the whisxers would start to curl back.
wards. not having enough vitality TO
come through. and then his mother-in.
law was called in.
|. She would take razor and shave
the whiskers and dirt away, Then the
wife would have to set acquainted ali
over cgain. having forget what her
husband looked like without the mask
Of dirt. grease and whiskers.
His VIE declared the reason for
this was laxiness. He was too tiresi
to wash. and afterward he was too
tired to shave, He even went to bed
without wash because he was too
tired and his wife would wake him up
In the night, take look and think OF
Othello and Desdemona.
The case was taken under advise.
ment
To further prove his laxiness his
wife declared he had not supported hel
In many months.
The Detroit times., 1914-04-06

with the usual rites and ceremonios
attendant upon the day. including the
blessing of palms, aud the churches
were crowded from dawn TO nightfaii
Masses will be celebrated every day
during the week. with special services
on Monday. Thursday aud Good FRI
day. The affairs are devoid OF candles
and flowers and draped IN black and
purple. Tho holy days preceding the
joyous resurrection are spent In quiet,
solemn prayer and fasting.
The Detroit times., 1914-04-06

MEMD 9enn.. AprII 4
ped in norky depths of : G
nine .e6 nogs" employed N /
the fo&1 klon ~ the ~ n. H6o
nrid sc fn6s tie MississipDl
were 81 66fed 10 death today.
house oAth was hhol1y IN
open e. ~ lifeiess forms lSxtt1 4
Ambsy1 carried the dead ~
emergG hospital, ~
The Detroit times., 1914-04-06
NEGRO WIFE-SLAYER
CAUGHT IN PITTSBURGH

Detective Robert 0loshesky left for
Pittsburgh. Monday. with warrant.
to bring back william Saunders.
Negro. who II accused Of beating and
choking his wife to death IA their
home at No. 1875 Napoleon-st., satur-
day night.
Saunders calmly carried HIS trunk
out TO an expressman, Sunday morn
Ing, leaving the dead body Of HE wife
In their bedrooms, and boarded . train
Tor Pittsburgh, but vas traced by
means Of his ticket, and was arrested
~ he LETT the train IN the smoky City.
The body Of Mrs. Saunders was
found by William Wilson. . roomer,
shortly after Saunders hxd left.
The couple had been QuArreling for
about q week. other roomers In the
house declared.
The Detroit times., 1914-04-06
THREE HURT ABOARD
u. 8. DESTROYER

PORTSMOUTH, Va. April e.
Three men were injured by an explo.
sion on board the torpedo boat de-
stroyer Aylwin, early today while the
vessel was northward bound and rs
miles south Of the Diamond Shoal
lightship. The vessel was reported
to be considerably damaged.
The injured are being rushed to
tne naval hospital In this city on the
torpedo boat Burnham.
Wireioss dispatches said the Ayl.
win 70 In no danger Of sinking.
The Detroit times., 1914-04-06

consultatlon.
did the doctor pronounce you
sound a. . dollar?"
Yes; and sent me . bin for 6ve. :
Judge.
The Detroit times., 1914-04-06

p.sse,,l ~ rrs.ta,g c ,D:., RssAt. rs~e.
The Detroit times., 1914-04-06

MOthede and
Equipment ths
Height 81 .
: New Service
The Detroit times., 1914-04-06

Palm Sunday In the Roman Catholic
churches OF the city vas observed
The Detroit times., 1914-04-06

\ The Rev. G. J. Sharp, an evangelist
noted for his rapid talk" lived up to
his reputation for uttering 800 words
to . minute In the mems mass meet
ing in the Y. M. C. A. Sunday after
noon. At the close Of DR.. Sharps ad-
dress on "Wanted--a man." four men
went forward In profession of faith.
The Detroit times., 1914-04-06

Nineteen new members were re.
ceived into the First Baptist church
following the morning service, by the
pastor, the Rev. Thomas J. villers,
making an even half-hundred within
three weeks.
The Detroit times., 1914-04-06
IN DETROIT PULPIrs

"Sxnpathy and help are always
more effective than inhibitions," said
the Rev. Earl b. Rice. in Burns-ave.
4ethodist church. Sunday morning.
IN = talk on "The church and her
children" The church must seek
to understand the motives and de-
stres Of the younger generation. The
m00ern church ought to have ade-
Quate equipment tor caring for ali
It's young people and guarding them
against the temptation peculiar to
youth ana childhood
The Detroit times., 1914-04-06

Residents of Fairview crowded the
Jetferson-ave. Baptist church Sunday
evening, for a meeting held In behalf
Of the proposed branch Y. M. G. A. for
Fairview. Addresses were given by
the pastor, the Rev. B. r. McDermand,
A. A. Higgfnson and others, and much
enthusiasm was shown for the project.
The Detroit times., 1914-04-06

II claim this as day OF triumph
for Jesus Christ" declared the Rev
Frank Foster Fftchett. in Grand Riv
crave. Methodist church. "The ides
OF universal brotherhood is en-
throned In our hearts and this car
mean but one thing-that Christ has
won."