davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Watertown weekly leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1912-1917, 1914-08-11
The New Fable of the Lonesome Ride
on the Sprinkler.

One pleasant morning the Chief of
the Society for Promoting the Impor-
tation of Scotch Merchandise awoke
after Balloon Voyage which began
6 Feet below Sea Level in Rathskel-
Ter and finished 1000 feet above the
Altitude recorded by Lincoln Beach
ey, the Man-Bird
When he Came To he discovered
that the Pillow had climbed over on
top of him and was trying to work
the Half-Nelson, while a large Pile
Driver, of the kind used along the
Water Front, was beating rhythmic
al Tattoo on his tender Bean.
He had a Temperature of 102 and
his Ears were hanging down. Also,
during the Period of Coma some one
had extracted the Eyes and substitute
ed two hot Door-Knobs. Further
more, his Dining Room Floor was
covered with a Plush Rug.
After he had decanted a miniature
Niagara on to the smoking Coppers
and removed his Collar and cautiously
picked up from the Floor his Stick
Pin and the Watch and the Remnant
of the Check cashed at p. M, he
felt his way over to the Window and
denounced in unmeasured Terms an
English Sparrow that had perched on
the Sill, merely to annoy him.
In a little while he remembered that
he was a Resident of the Planet
IL hot h
Name came back to him and then he
recalled his Boyhood and the Fact
that when he passed the Parsonage
the Presbyterian Minister would ask
him to pick some Of the Lilacs and
Snowballs and take them home to his
Sister Alice.
From that Point he CROPPED through
his Life History up to the Twilight
on which the Regulars had arranged
a Send-Off for Old Buck, who was
pulling out for Seattle In order to
help Buck to remember them as True
Friends, they had covertly planned to
get him Stewed to the Eye-Balls and
then ship him on to his new Home,
spread out in Stateroom B, with long
stemmed Roses laid across the Re-
mains. This form of homicidal Gaiety
is perpetrated under the name of
American Hospitality.
Our Hero remembered the polite
Getaway on the Low Speed with
everybody Respectable, after which
the Fountains started to gush and
Walters began TO come up out of the
The Watertown weekly leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1912-1917, 1914-08-11
Critics Mean Comment.

An actor who recently was taken"
while on the stage by cinematograph
was greatly pleased with the result.
Talking of it to prominent dramatic
critic, he said:
1T was the most extraordinary ex-
perience l ever went through-actu-
ally to see myself acting"
Now" replied the critic, you will
understand what we have to put up
with"
The Watertown weekly leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1912-1917, 1914-08-11

Ground bearing Fairy Gifts of a
the Evening he found himself bal
anced on one Toe on swiftly-1noving
Cloud, announcing to the Stars of
Night that he was True Sport.
In other words, he realized, as he
sat bumped over in the Morris Chair.
fall off and roll across the Floor. that
he had been Snooted for Fair, Plas-
tered, Ossffied, Benzoated, Piped,
Picked, Spiff1icated, Corned, Raddled,
Obfuscated, Soused and Ory-Eyed.
Six hours before he had stood on
a Table and declared for the Brother
hood of Man and now he craved but
one Companion and that was old
Colonel R. E. Morse
Standing over in the Sunlight by
the Window, where he could see the
innocent Shop-Girls going blitheIy to
their Sc a week, he lifted the trem-
bling Right Mitt clear above his Head
and then and there declared himself
to be on the Cart until the great &C.
lestial Bodies should skid in their Or
bits and the Globe itself dissolve into
Vapor.
Just as he pronounced the Words.
NEVER A-gen", he felt great Flood
of worthy Resolutions arising in his
new Moral Nature. He would buy a
Winchester Automatic and devote the
remainder of his wasted Life to shoot
ing up Barkeeps And when he died.
the whole Estate would go to the
w. c. T. U.
That afternoon the Survivors of the
Midnight Massacre got together at a
Club to compare Hang-Overs and find
out what had happened after the Roof
fell In
Our Hero appeared just as the Boy
was getting ready TO throw Life
Line. He was greeted with a ribald
Shout and told to come running and
Save Himself.
The Moment had arrived for him to
be a Man. Surrounded by Ice and
Squirters and Mixing Spoons and
Orange Peel and Jiggers and Jageers
he drew himself together and made
the Announcement.
For Moment they were stunned
By the Impact and then every Son of
The Watertown weekly leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1912-1917, 1914-08-11
NO LONGER IN THE MARKET
Mr.. Meeken Had Supplied Himself
With Letter Opener That Could
Not Be improved On.

A canvasser stepped briskly up to
Mr.. Meeken's desk and laid a small
article close to his right hand.
Il have here a new letter opener"
he said. "a handsome article to be
kept on the table of your library,
and"
Pardon me-" interrupted Mr.. Meek
en-, without turning his head, but l
have already the best letter opener
and the quickest"
How long have you had it?" per-
sisted the canvasser. You know there
are constant improvements always be-
ing introduced"
Mine couldn't be improved" re-
sponded Meeken. I've had her for
about two years now-anniversary of
the wedding next month"
The Watertown weekly leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1912-1917, 1914-08-11
Those ArtistsI

They were walking through the gal
leries with a growing air of disap-
prevail. Before painting of a wood
land dell, with nymphs and fauns dane
ing, dressed informally as nymphs and
fauns should be, the middle-aged unso-
phisticated couple paused. He peered
through his glasses at the title while
she stood back, her disapproval in
creasing.
1T says 'Barbizon School, Mary"
he announced.
Il guess it's one of them places for
teachin' artists" she remarked. i've
heard they amt strictly moral
The Watertown weekly leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1912-1917, 1914-08-11
Shakespeare In GERMANY

Prof. Brandt, of Berlin, is reported
as saying that Shakespeare is now at
the zenith of his popularity in Ger
many. THE Deutsches theater of Der.
lin," he says, has scored an unpre-
cedented record by producing a
Shakespeare repertory practically
night after night, for the last six
months, to sold-out houses withou. an
exception"
The Watertown weekly leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1912-1917, 1914-08-11
Truly Useful Animal.

Senator MARITIME of New Jersey tells
in the Washington Star of farm hand
whom he employed, who is much given
to philosophizing.
One morning, when the senator was
wandering over the farm, he came
upon his man feeding the chickens
Alexander stopped him with:
Good mawnin', sub! l been thinkin'
this mawnin', and l made up my mind,
sub, as rs lookin' at these heah chick
ems, that they's the usefullest animal
they is. You en- eat 'em 'fo' they's
bon, and aftah they's daid!"
The Watertown weekly leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1912-1917, 1914-08-11
The Way Ii Was.

1t was a cold day in December, and
the superintendent of charitable in
stitution was examining a number of
poor children as to their claims for
more comfortable clothing. Margaret
was under examination. She was
pinned up quite securely in a thin
shawl
Have you any clothes at home 2"
she was asked.
Nom
What have you got on?''
Please, this is my aunt's shawl, and
me dress is next, an then comes H.
Everybody's Magazine.
The Watertown weekly leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1912-1917, 1914-08-11
The Thief In the Niuht.

Representative Hughes of Georgia
apropos Of the seven-million-dollar
grant for vocational training, said at
a dinner in Danville:
Il hope this grant will go through,
but who can tell? In this, as in all
other propositions, it is necessary to
remember the proverb
Never count your chickens until
after sunrise"
The Watertown weekly leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1912-1917, 1914-08-11
Convinced.

"Are you sure that man is thinking
about resigning?"
Absolutely sure. He couldn't re-
fuse to resign SO often If he weren't
thinking about it."
The Watertown weekly leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1912-1917, 1914-08-11
New Use for Germs

An army officer may have to quit
the service because he carries deadly
germs, to which he is himaelf immune.
1t might be good idea to keep him
and let him be captured by the enemy
the next time we have a war.
The Watertown weekly leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1912-1917, 1914-08-11
His Address.

Bacon-Is he man of pleasant adj
dress?
Egbert-Why, sure! He lives some
where on Easy street.
The Watertown weekly leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1912-1917, 1914-08-11
In the Balance,

Mr.. Rocks-So you want to marry
my daughter. Well, young man, what
are your prospects?
Young Man-Excellent-ff you don't
spoil them.-Judge
The Watertown weekly leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1912-1917, 1914-08-11

We can't all be happy or even al
lowed to choose our own way of being
unhappy.
The Watertown weekly leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1912-1917, 1914-08-11
Goinn the Cats.

you say he threw away his patri
mony?"
Yes, and threw himself after it."
The Watertown weekly leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1912-1917, 1914-08-11

The number of postage stamps
printed for the United States govern
ment last year amounted to 9,773,-
434 900.
The Watertown weekly leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1912-1917, 1914-08-11
"SezShe" and "Sezziv

Sezshe to Me-The evening paper
says shoes are going up in price.
Sezzi to Her-I wonder If low shoes
will be higher?
The Watertown weekly leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1912-1917, 1914-08-11
Safety First.

The reason we wouldn't hire a man
who never makes mistakes is because
he would soon have our job.-Galves-
ton News.
The Watertown weekly leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1912-1917, 1914-08-11
Partnership,

When two of the neighbors' children
are in a fight you know which one is
right simply by finding out whose
children they are.
The Watertown weekly leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1912-1917, 1914-08-11

Many rich men have nothing but
sympathy for the poor.
The Watertown weekly leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1912-1917, 1914-08-11
The Reasnn-

England has such long reigns."
fogs"
The Watertown weekly leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1912-1917, 1914-08-11

Try Murine Eye Remedy for Red, Weak, watery
Eyes and GRADUATED Eyelids; No SmartingE
lust Eye Comfort. Write for Book of the I've
BY mail Free. Murine Eye Remedy Co. Chicago.
The Watertown weekly leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1912-1917, 1914-08-11

Psychologists say kissing must CO.
1t already goes with some girls.
The Watertown weekly leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1912-1917, 1914-08-11

MORAL: The Way of the Elk
Transgressor is Hard.
Connecticut western news., 1914-01-22
CORN WALL

The annual meeting of the First Church was held last Thursday. Among she reports were the following. MT. Starr said only 20 are left of the 97 mem- bers when he came here, men and 16 women, most of whom are non-residents or unable to attend church, but three are deacons, Two women have been mem hers nearly 59 years. The years net gain in membership was 8. The parish expenses $2, 100. the benevolence $1 .00O, cost of the renewing of the chapel $1 200 value of land given $450. Average Sun, day School attendance 38. Frank A Whitcomb was chosen superintendent and other officers were reelected. Sun day School offerings $196.93.
 On Sunday the Mems Club attended ahe morning service in 8 body. to the number of 26.
 The Hotchkiss Literary Monthly for Christmas contains the prize address of Ralph E. Corban, and pictures of the Smith brothers who were on the Rum- sey Hall football team few years since.
 The father of MT. Charles Ottman died at his house on Sunday and was taken to Danbury for burial. He was 80 years of age and apparently in good health when he retired at night after doing the usual chores and reading the paper.
Connecticut western news., 1914-01-22
SHARON VALLEY

Mrs. A. Conquest and son have return cd to Brooklyn after two weeks visit with her aunt, Mrs. A. Middlebrook.
 Miss Clara Burchard recently visited her sister, Mrs. A. Lamb.
 MT. A. Gilman, our merchants genial clerk, has been spending few days in New York,
 Miss Grace Bristol is visiting friends m New Britain and Hartford.
 Mr. Harold Turner who has been spending some time with his uncle, J. Morehouse, has returned to his home in Elizabeth, N. J.
 MT. F. Suffrage has sold his place tc ,. Lloyd, of Town Hill.
 Mrs. F. Haines. lecturer of Silver Lake Grange attended the State Grange 1T Hartford last week.
 MT. Henry Warehouse installed the Officers of Silver Lake on Tuesday even ing.
Connecticut western news., 1914-01-22
SOUTH CANAAN AND HUNTSVILLE

A. M. Bosworth has added to his wood pile by purchasing large tract of wood land of Lester Hoskins, of Great Bar rington.
 M. O. Dean helped fill car with nice fat cattle to ship to NewYork last week.
 MO Dean and squad of men have completed putting up about 40 tons of ice. MT. Cean, while on the pond, tried to see how deep the water was, using his foot for measure. S
 Mrs. Edith Lowering is visiting her sister, Mrs. Arthur Dean.
 OH. Pendletou was on Canaan noun tain Saturday afternoon breaking roads and looking for fox tracks.
 Most everyone is busy cutting ice this weather. The ice is about a foot thick and as cold as common.
 R. E. Pendleton exercised his horse and loosened the rust on his sled run ners Sunday evening,
 Miss Mabel Dean, Mrs. Arthur Dean and Hubby missed choral union last week, the first time since they joined. They will never be the same again.
 MT. Moriarity is boss farmer at Mrs. Charles Hanchett's. MT. Ducety is laid up with asthma.
 Miss Harriett Belden is sick. Mrs. Cosgroye is caring for her.
 Harry Dean is the only man around that has to take something larger than a two-quart measure to gather his eggs in He is getting at the present time 1O6 eggs daily. He is also supplying Falls Village and the extra ones he ships to Bridgeport.
 M. 0. Deans milkman started for Ga naan Saturday morning with % cans of milk on a sleigh, but when he got out side the house he borrowed 8 wagon anc went on his way happy.
 The following officers were elected a South Canaan Church: A. M. Boswortf superintendent. Miss Mabel Dean assist ant superintendent, Miss May Boswortt secretary and treasurer.
 MT. Garrity, the good natured crean gatherer, tried to give up his job lately but they seemed to know when they ha' a good man and kept him. Every on of his customers are happy, I guess they ought to be.
Connecticut western news., 1914-01-22
FALLS VILLAGE

MT. Martin Langs and his bride, who was Mrs. Alice Benjamin, returned to the Inn Tuesday morning, on the train from Ptts6eld, radiant and happy after their weeks tour. They were married in Albany Wednesday of last week. The next day they went to Buffalo and visit- ed Niagara Falls, the suspension Bridge and Hamilton, Ontario. At Niagara Falls they were the guests of pr. Major Langs, ST., and at Hamilton they visited Dr. Langs, Jr., relatives of MT. Langs. They are now "at home" to their friends, and are the recipients of many congratu- lations and good wishes for their future happiness and prosperity.
 Walter l. Kellogg spent a few days last week in Hartford as delegate to the meeting of the State Grange.
 Falls Village is experiencing an incip- lent epidemic of scarlet fever. The pub lie schools have been closed for the pres ent week, and parents have been warned by Health Officer Skiff by public placards in conspicuous places to "keep their children within their own yards during the threatened epidemic of scarletina. '" At present writing there are four cases Douglas Abbe. Harry Schreiber, Eliza beth Holcomb and son of Wm. Mallory. All are being well cared for, and are re- ported as being as comfortable as possi- ble.
 Mrs. Bison J. Hornbeck fell on the ice in her yard, Monday and suffered bad sprain in her left hand.
 Mrs. Caroline Sedgwick is on the sick list.
 The Stone 6 Webster Go. have given Lee Wickwire notice to vacate their house, the former Dr. Averill residence, and will repair it for occupancy by Su' perintendent Mackey, of the power plant.
 MT. and Mrs. Edward Heinz sailed from Germany on the Graf Waldersee. Jan. 8, instead of waiting until the 10th, as reported. They are due to arrive home this week.
 MT. Nicholas Rogers, who had been ill at his home here for week, has return ed to his studies in Albany.
 The Womaok family have vacated the Edward Heinz house.
 Mrs. Hillyer, the nurse, IS taking care of MT. and Mrs. Culten Holcomb'' daughter, who is ill with scarlet fever.
 MT. William Willard, who froze eight of his fingers while handling oats, dur ing the severe cold spell, is rapidly get ting over his affiiction.
 There will be DO session of the Sun day School in the Methodist Church nex Sunday, owing to the practical quaran tine of the children during the preva lence of scarlet fever. The regula preaching services will probably be helt as usual.
Connecticut western news., 1914-01-22
SHARON

At the meeting of the Sharon Dra- matic Society on January 13 the follow ing officers were elected: President, Clarence H. Eggleston; Vice-President, Helen J, Bassett; Secretary, Clayton J, Walter; Treasurer, James Downey. An executive committee of the following were also elected: Clarence Eggleston, Adolph Hanson, Dav1d Duffy.
 Misses Mary and Clara Smith, accom- panied by Messrs. Lawrence Sturges and Harold Yutzler. came over from Cornwall to attend the hit of the sea. son, IA Night Off," the play given by the Dramatic Club at the Casino Friday evening.
 Mrs. Thor Burlington has been quite sick during the past week.
 Mr. and Mrs. Clarence H. Eggleston gre out of town for the week. The for mer is attending the A. D. s. convention held in Madison Square Garden, New York city, and the latter is guest at she home of her sister, Mrs. H. Hayes Robbins, in Mt Vernon.
 Miss Myrtle W. Thompson of Water town, Conn, Miss Bessie Engel of Hart ford, were in town the latter part of the week to witness "A Night Off," The former was the guest of Miss Ruby Miss Helen Bassett.
 Born: son to MT. and Mrs. Charles Liner Wednesday, January IA; on Tues day, January 13, daughter was born to MT. and Mrs. Alonzo Liner. of New burg, N. Y.
 Miss Clara Burcher, of New York city, is guest of her sister, Mrs Ar thur W. Lamb.
 The sewing society of the Congrega- tional Church met on Wednesday after noon with Mrs. Luke Hapgood at the @Taghanic."
 Miss Helen Bassett is spending the week at Coleman's, at the home of her nncle, William Bassett.
 The entertainment at the Casino last Friday evening was one big success The Casino was filed. every seat in the house being sold. and many had tc stand. Our young people are to be con gratulated, not only in the successful way the play was presented, but alst thanks are due to them for the fine new scenery. They, all worked hard from the time of the first rehearsal, but they certainly must have felt repaid for theil efforts by the large audience tha greeted them Friday evening.
 The death of George H. Williams oc cured at his home in New York city oi Sunday, January II. Mir. Williams wa 7S years of age. He was 8 brother 0 Oliver Williams of this place. He leave daughter, Mss Ada Williams.
 It is to be regretted that there wa such small audience out to attend tn play given by the Cornwall talent at tn Casino last Tuesday night, but doubles thls was due to the fact that it was decidedly cold night.
Connecticut western news., 1914-01-22
Too Much Sleep.

Bix-They say that too much sleep Is harmful. Do you believe it? Dix That depends. Ten hours sleep may not hurt a man in bed, but ten seconds would be ruinous in the prize ring Boston Transcript.
Connecticut western news., 1914-01-22
Hear 1t.

Ball-What is silence?
 Hall-The college yell of the school sf experience.-Harper Bazaar.
The Dawson news. (Dawson, Ga.) 1889-current, 1914-06-02

ulty. He expressed confidence in the
ability of the present faculty to carry
the work of another year to even
greater success than the harmonious
and highly satisfactory one just
closed.
Aside from their school work the
popular teachers have added greatly
to the social life of the city and they
carry away many good wishes for a
happy vacation.
A meeting of the school board will
be held in a few days for the pur-
pose of electing the faculty for the
coming year.
Superintendent ]. c. Dukes was
some weeks ago reelected to the re-
sponsible position he has filled SO
creditably the past year. He is plan
ming larger and better things than
have ever been attempted in Dawson
schools and the work of adjustment
will require the better pa; of his
time during the summer. P Of. Dukes
is now in Macon attending ?, reunion
of the alumnae of Mercer university,
his alma mater, and while away will
keen in mind matters concerning
plans for improving in every way
possible the Dawson public schools.
Following is the class roll for
1914:
Robert Matthew Barnes.
Rosa Pearl Bridges.
Flynn Allen Bridges.
Elizabeth Galloway.
William Jesse Chambless.
Andrew Jackson Carver Fox.
Fairy Alice Goss.
Matte Marguerite Hayes.
Elite Lucille Hitler.
Rufus Floyd Jennings.
Mamie Esther Johnson.
Ella G. Langston.
Charles Arthur Lewis.
Dewey Louise Melton.
| William Count Dillon Mercer.
| Bessie Turner.
A very pleasing feature apart from
the regular programme was the
awarding of the gold medal offered
by the Dorothy Walton chapter, D
IA. R., for the highest average made
in American and Georgia history
Master Hunter Bell proudly bore of
the honor.
This stimulus to the study OF oul
own country, given annually by the
chapter. cannot fail of good results
and is highly commendable.
The Dawson news. (Dawson, Ga.) 1889-current, 1914-06-02
For Dismission.

Georgia, Terrell County.-Where-
as, VI. E. Jennings, administrator OF
Mrs. N. A. Stevens, represents to the
court. in his petition duly filed and
entered on record, that that he mas
fully administered Mrs. N. A. stew
ems estate, this is, therefore, to cite
all persons concerned, kindred and
creditors, to show cause, if any they
can, why said administrator should
not be discharged from his admins
tration and receive letters OF dismls-
sion on the first Monday in July
1914. This June l, 1914.
w. B. CHEATHAM. Ordinary.
The Dawson news. (Dawson, Ga.) 1889-current, 1914-06-02

Sunday morning, at II o'clock, in
the pavilion at Indian Springs, DR.. j.
A. Ivey preached to a large and ap-
preciative congregation. By means OF
chairs and other improvised seats the
pavilion was transformed into de-
lightfulfy cool auditorium, where an
impressive service was held