The Salt Lake tribune. [volume] (Salt Lake City, Utah) 1890-current, 1914-02-22
John Henry on the Servant
Problem.
xR1 HEN Peaches and | get
NV tired of the Big Town

by taxis as we cross street
tired Of watching grocers ano
butchers hosting higher the
cost of living-that's our cue to
grab a choo-choo and breeze out
to Uncle Peter Grants farm
and bungalow in the wilds OF
Westchester, which he calls
Troolyrooral.
Just to even matters up,
Uncle Peter and his wife visit
us from time to time in our
amateur apartment in the Big
Town.
Uncle Peter is a very stout old
gentleman. When he squeezes
into our little flat the walls act
as if they were bowlegged.
Uncle Peter always goes
through the folding doors side
ways, and every time he sits
down the man in the apartment
below us kicks because we move
the piano so often.
Aunt Martha is Uncle Peters
wife and she weighs more and
breathes oftener.
When the two of them visit
our bird cage at the same time
the ianitor has to go out and
stand in front Of the building
with view to catching it if it
falls.
When we reached Troolyroo-
raj we found that cousin FL
sie' Schultz was also a visitor
there.
Cousin Elsie" is a sort of
privileged character in the fam
lily, having lived with Aunt Mar
tha for over twenty years as a
sort of housekeeper.
They call her Cousin Elsie"
just to make it more difficult.
Three or four years ago Elsie
married Gustave Bierbauer and
quit her job.
Cousin Elsie" believes that
conversation was invented for
her exclusive use, and the way
she can grab a bundle of the
English language and break it
up is a caution.
Language is the same to Elsie
as a siphon is to highball- land
that's a whole lot.
Two years after their mar
riage old Gustave stopped living
so abruptly that the coroner had
to sit on him.
The post mortem found out
that Gustave had died from a
rush of words to his brain pan.
The coroner also found, upon
further examination, that all Of
these words had formerly be-
longed to Elsie, with the excep-
tion of few which were once
the property of Gustave's favor
ite bartender.
After Gustave's exit Aunt
Martha tried to get Elsie back
on her job, but the old Dutch
had her eye on Herman Schulz,
and finally married him.
SO now every once in while
Elsie moseys over from Plain
field, N. j., where she lives with
Herman, and proceeds to sew a
lot of pillow slips and things for
Aunt Martha.
One morning while Peaches
and | were at breakfast Elsie
meandered in, bearing in her
hand a wedding invitation which
Herman had forwarded to her
from Plainfield,
Being, as ! say, a privileged
character, she does pretty much
as she likes around the bunga-
looZa.
Elsie read the invitation:
Mr.. and Mrs. Rudolph Gander-
kurds request der honor of your
presence at der marriage Of deir
daughter, Verbena, to Galahad
Schalzenberger, at der home Of
der brides parents, Plainfield,
N. J. March Sixteenth. r. S.
V. p"
"Vell," said Elsie, II know der
Ganderkurds und | know deir
daughter, Verbena, und ! know
Galahad Schalzenberger; he's a
floorwalker in Bauerhaupt's gro
Gerry store, but | doan'd know
vot it is dot r. S. V. p. yeti!
| gently kicked Peaches on
the instep under the table, and
said to Elsie: well, that is a
new one on me. Are you sure il
isn't B. & O., or the c. r. r, of