davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Northern Wisconsin advertiser. [volume] (Wabeno, Wis.) 1898-1925, 1914-06-19
marry a chorus man without a

goin' to marry a chorus man without a
cent?
Egbert Vancoover-Without a cent,
maybe, but wait, m dears.
Algy-Es full of pipe dreams, tn
laddie is, pom me word
Dad Wadell (who knew Booth-by
sight)-Millions were within my grasp
one time-but let us pass on
Ena Claire (comedienne)-You had
a chance at the coin, Dad? Tell us
about 1t.
Dad Wadell-It was back in the
early days when / was the idol of the
hour in Henry the Eighth"
Tiny O'Toole-One nighters?
Dad Wadell-No, madam. In New
York we had run OF half a fortnight
| Algy-Some run, should s'y not!
Dad Wadell-At that time the Prin-
cess Palais. a close relation OF Napo-
leon, was seeing our country incoghlto'
She saw me in my part at the casino
one night and her heart was lost. we
met again at a reception given at the
home of the wealthy gentleman VINO
owned the horses that drew the Broad
way street car at that time. IL was
love at first sight.
Algy-She must ave 'ad cinder IN
each eye.
Dad Wadell-I was smitten with her
charm and she with mine. | proposeu
and was accepted. Our plans were
laid for the future and the place OF
ou, HONEYMOON was TO be her chalet on
the Seine.
TINY o'Toole-This sounds like a
scenario in three reels.
Dad Wadell-The emperor, through
his system of espionage. heard OF our
attachment and
Minnie Mintz-was he going to XIII
you right away? IL
mad Wadell--I think that was ms
intention: he wanted ne 10 ieao MS
army at Sedan.
Minnie Mintz-That's just Ike my
Er;tz He was a bareback rider WIN
ol5 man Robinson's show when ne
seen me at Evansville as | was s' AM
Ing by my fathers butcher shop.
when the parade was back at the io'
ooroe over TO the shop, got &C
ouainted with father, gave MN lwo
masses and told him to bring MS nanu-
some daughter with him. ,
Algy-Did y ave sister, Mlhnie
Minnie Mintz-At the show tnae
night Fritz fell of horse ana oioAe
his leg.
Algy-The 'orse's?
Minnie Mintz-No. Fritz's. He lao
TO stay in Evansville for 81, w ',.t,s
srd we was married at the htt'e
church across from the orpheum, ,
,orget the name OF 1t. Fritz woulu
never have met me- onis ~
Northern Wisconsin advertiser. [volume] (Wabeno, Wis.) 1898-1925, 1914-06-19
Tiny, ALGY AND MINNIE GET
IN WRONG

Tiny OToole (of the Dancing Dolls)
Say, Algy, you can't tell me you
come over here because the kings
cousin wanted to marry you and your
family objected.
Algy (late of the 'Alls)-W'y can't
4! Ill give y the lady's nine in a
minute. Don't I look as if aid some
romance connected with me? WV do
you suppose I'm 'iding myself with a
lot Of am actors and actresses?
Egbert Vancouver (small parts)-
How dare you, sir, to speak of us as
hams? I'd let you know I'm from an
old and respected family in New York.
Then father lost his fortune and we
children were cast out on the cruel
world. l thank heaven had voice.
but my brother Wallie wasn't SO
gifted.
Tiny O'Toole-Lucky guy, there's
nothing to keep him from doing regu-
lar work
Egbert Vancoover-He's only a bust
ness man getting $4,000 year. Poor
Wallie!
Tiny O'Toole-Just $500 more than
you. huh? Kid, your voice amt a gift,
it's misfortune
Algy-'E's got a ripping voice.
Sounds like some one ripping some
thing. Els never on key.
Minnie Mintz property mans wife)
He's got a combination voice; you
don't need no key. Fritz, my husband,
told me our show would be out yet If
that frog wasn't with u.s.
Algy-W'y did y keep the bounder?
Minnie Mintz-The producer is his
uncle. and his fancee thinks he's an
actor.
Tiny O'Toole-His fiancee? Who's
Northern Wisconsin advertiser. [volume] (Wabeno, Wis.) 1898-1925, 1914-06-19
Why Not Armor for Every Bullet?

An ingenious New York doctor has
invented a bichloride of mercury tab
let in which the antidote is combined
with the poison, SO that person may
swallow corrosive sublimate, inten-
tionally or accidentally, with impunity.
It's a capital idea, and ought to be
applied to poisons generally, and pos
sibly Maxim might find some way of
applying the principle to firearms. An
automatic, self-resisting bullet, or
something of that sort, would be of
much greater utility than his silencer.
Northern Wisconsin advertiser. [volume] (Wabeno, Wis.) 1898-1925, 1914-06-19

Sometimes the worst of handwriting
becomes ineligible when one grasps
the rules. for mans script--partic-
uraly an author's-is frequently made
difficult, chiefly by his deliberate or
unconscious inversion of the accepted
rules OF calligraphy. Henry Ward
Beecher had a daughter who acted as
copyist. and she read him with ease
simply by remembering three princi-
ples--that in her fathers manuscript
no dotted letter was meant FOR an
Il" no crossed letter stood fer ="
and that no capital letter ever began
a sentence
Northern Wisconsin advertiser. [volume] (Wabeno, Wis.) 1898-1925, 1914-06-19
EVERYTHING in a Name,

Gadsby-What will you name your
new paper?
Writer-The Plugtown Harp of q
Thousand Strings with Steam Calliops
Interlude and Journalistic Short Stop.
Gadsby--Heavens, what a namei
Why do you have such\a complicated
title?
Writer-To avoid damages in libel
suits. The attorneys will all blunder
in the indictments and they'll be
quashed.
Northern Wisconsin advertiser. [volume] (Wabeno, Wis.) 1898-1925, 1914-06-19
Fair Words or None.

George" said the wife to her gen.
orally unappreciative husband, "how
do you like my new hat?"
well, my DEAR" said George, with
great candor, ito tell you the truth"
stop right there, George! If you're
going to talk that way about it don't
want to know."-Ladies' Home Jour
nal
Northern Wisconsin advertiser. [volume] (Wabeno, Wis.) 1898-1925, 1914-06-19
Motorcycle cisplacino Horse,

In less than year the horse is like
ly to disappear from the British post
al delivery business, his place in the
country being taken up by motorcy-
cles with side car attachments.
Northern Wisconsin advertiser. [volume] (Wabeno, Wis.) 1898-1925, 1914-06-19

People may send Us flowers after
we are gone" remarked the Observer
OF Events and Things, but our con-
gressmen know better than to send Us
flower seeds after we are dead"
Northern Wisconsin advertiser. [volume] (Wabeno, Wis.) 1898-1925, 1914-06-19

A spinster grits her teeth every
time she encounters a widow who has
planted three husbands and is seeking
a fourth.
Northern Wisconsin advertiser. [volume] (Wabeno, Wis.) 1898-1925, 1914-06-19
Hard TO Please,

"Wombat says we have no really
great heroes today"
Whats the matter with him?"
Hes casting about for name for
a scent cigar"
Northern Wisconsin advertiser. [volume] (Wabeno, Wis.) 1898-1925, 1914-06-19
Just as Good.

Have you any scent cigars?" asked
the man.
NO." replied the druggist, "but we
have something just as good. Here's
a 10-cent cigar"
Northern Wisconsin advertiser. [volume] (Wabeno, Wis.) 1898-1925, 1914-06-19
In Doubt.

"Is young Softly drinking or practis-
Ing law"
What do you mean?"
II heard him telling somebody lately
that he was having considerable prac-
tise at the bar"
Northern Wisconsin advertiser. [volume] (Wabeno, Wis.) 1898-1925, 1914-06-19
Had Parents GUESSING.

What do you mean when you say
he was born a diplomatic"
Well, when he was week old his
parents quarreled about which he
loved best"
Northern Wisconsin advertiser. [volume] (Wabeno, Wis.) 1898-1925, 1914-06-19
Contrary Discipline.

"Whew, that was roast you goe
this morning from the boss!"
Eyes, what l call a raw DEAL"
Northern Wisconsin advertiser. [volume] (Wabeno, Wis.) 1898-1925, 1914-06-19

A COW recently walked into a village
bank In Ohio. She probably wanted
to have her milk certified.
Northern Wisconsin advertiser. [volume] (Wabeno, Wis.) 1898-1925, 1914-06-19
And Do Nothinn

The world is full of people who
keep insisting that something ought
to be done.-The Pelican.
Northern Wisconsin advertiser. [volume] (Wabeno, Wis.) 1898-1925, 1914-06-19

A financier may be a get-rich-quick
promoter who gets by with it.
Northern Wisconsin advertiser. [volume] (Wabeno, Wis.) 1898-1925, 1914-06-19

OF the AIT women doctors in Eng
land, the greater majority are mar
ried.
The Appeal. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn. ;) 1889-19??, 1914-07-25
REPORT SHOWS COST
OF RUNNING A CITY
Average Per Capita In 1876
Places Is $17.34

WashingtOn.-The total payment for
expenses of the general departments of
the 1875 cities having a population of
10000 and over in the report Of finan-
cial statistics Of cities for 1912, recent
~ issued by William J. Harris, direc
tor Of the bureau of the census, depart
ment OF commerce, was $5OS,543, O8
The total per apita payments for ex-
penses other than Of public service en-
terprises increased from $13.02 in 1902
to $17.34 in 1912. a gain of 1872 per
cent.
The per capita payment in cities OF
5OO,O 900 population and over was $21 "a:
in cities of 100000 and 5OO,O 900 popula-
ton it was $780,; in cities having a
population between 100000 and 100000
1t was $14.22; in cities having $4,000 to
100000 the per capita payment was
$3.50, and in cities of between 10000
and $4,000 population it was SLIGO.
The per capita payments for each
year have shown an increase over
those of the preceding year, except that
'ose for 1909 we're slightly less than
nose for 1908. The per capita pay
ments for expenses Of the general gov
eminent, including those for courts,
have increased quite uniformly during
the eleven year period. as have for the
most part those for the expenses of DO
lice and fire departments, for conserva-
ton of health and sanitation, which in
Guides sewers. sewage disposal and
refuse disposal and for education.
The Appeal. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn. ;) 1889-19??, 1914-07-25
BoDY'S SIXTH OCEAN TRIP.

Strange Events Have Kept Dead Wo-
man Travelling Back and Forth
London.-The strange story Of an un-
buried body which is about to start
on Its sixth trip across the Atlantic
is told by the DAILY Telegraph's Berlin
correspondent. A woman died in the
United States last summer. Her new
~ married daughter and her son-ln-
law determined to inter the body in
the mothers native place, Breslau. The
cemetery authorities there demanded
$3.50 for burial in the family vault,
and, regarding the charge exorbitant,
the daughter decided to take the. body
back to America. -
Upon arriving at New York, how
ever, she found awaiting her letter
to the effect that the controllers Of the
cemetery were prepared to reduce the
price Of a grave, whereupon she and
her husband forthwith returned with
the body to Breslau. There fresh
differences of opinion arose, and, as
there appeared to be no chance of
agreement, the mothers body once
more was transported to New York,
Shortly after this the daughter and
her husband became tired of the land
of their adoption and made up their
minds to repatr1ate themselves In Ger
many. Accordingly they packed up
their personal belongings and, with
the body Of the mother, once more ap-
peared in Breslau. Meanwhile the
difficulty with the propr1etors of the
cemetery was composed, and at last
the much Travelled body was consigned
to the tomb. But even now it is not
to be left in peace. The restless couple
decided that after all the new world
was better than the old and resolved
to recross the Atlantic once more, TAX
ing with them the body of the mother.
But the cemetery authorities refused
to surrender the body, so the daughter
took the case before the law courts.
The first decision given was against
her, but now, on appeal, she has OBJ
tanned an order that her mothers body
be delivered to her.
The Appeal. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn. ;) 1889-19??, 1914-07-25
GREAT GRANDSON OF
POET A ''SHAW BABY"
l0ngteIIoW'S Latest Descendant
Named After English Satirist.

Boston--The stork has presented Mr..
and Mrs. Edmund II. Dana with a son,
and, although the newcomer is a great
grandson of the poet Longfellow, he
has been named Shaw Dana, after the
English satirfst and Socialist, George
Bernard Shaw. In addition to naming
her frstborn after Mr.. Shaw, Mrs.
Dana intends to do the author further
honor by bringing up her son accord
ing to the satirist's ideas. Mr.. Shaw's
notions were the other day made pub
lie through an essay on "Parents and
Children" as preface to his play
"Mesalliance.'
Here are some of the novel ideas
Mrs. Dana has adopted by naming
her boy Shaw Dana:
"Children are nuisances''
1.-THE family is humbug.''
1.-THE evidence shows it is easier to
love the company of dog than Of a
commonplace child between the age
of six and the beginnings of controlled
maturity"
eff you compel an adult and a child
to live in one another's company either
the adult or the child will be miser-
able" -.. ..--. ,. -...~
"Go and see what the baby is doing
and tell him be mustn't is the last
word of the nursery"
Both father and mother of the Dana
baby are known as followers of Ber-
nard Shaw. ...- .-.,.
The bride was Miss Jessie Halliday,
the noted English suffragette and por-
trait painter. ---.- .-...-
The Appeal. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn. ;) 1889-19??, 1914-07-25

REPRESENTATIVE JONES OF VIRGINIA.
ing the more important changes in the
existing organic act, are those relating
to the enlarged powers conferred upon
the governor general and the abolition
Of the present Philippine commission
as such and the substitution therefor
of a senate the members Of which
representing Christian provinces shall
be elected by popular vote.
''The non-Christian tribes are to be
represented in the legislature by two
senators and nine representatives ap-
pointed by the governor general. The
only officials to be appointed by the
president are the governor general and
the members Of the supreme court. The
governor general is given a limited
power Of veto over the acts Of the
legislature, but the president would
have the power of absolute veto
'The right to vote is confined to
citizens Of the islands, and the edu.
catonal qualification Of the present
law is so enlarged as to embrace those
who can read and write a native
language instead Of English or Span
ish, as at present.
1.-TWO resident commissioners to the
United States are to be elected by
popular vote"
Speaking for the Filipinos, Resident
Commissioner Quezon, an active adj
vocate Of Philippine independence for
years, gave the bill his approval. ut
represents" he said. "far less than
ought to have been considered, but
strongly favor it's enactment because it
is step In the right direction
The Appeal. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn. ;) 1889-19??, 1914-07-25
HENS CONSERVE GAME
Hatch Quail Eggs After Sitting Bob
Whites Are Scared OF.

Hatch Quail Eggs After Sitting Bob
Whites Are Scared of.
ST. Louts.-Certatn hens In Foster
township, near Alton. ILL.,, are Matching
out quail as we'll as chickens these
days, according to a veracious CORE
spondent.
William MAINS, a farmer, has in
duced his sitting hens to increase the
nations game supply by eighteen
quails within the last week, with pros
poets of similar contributions for the
future, the correspondent AYERS.
Manns says the mother quails, when
grain in the fields is cut, leave their
nests and do not return to them. Manns
recently has found several such nests,
1t Is said, with eggs in them. These he
carried to his chicken house and placed
under sitting hens. When the eggs
hatch, he says. the young quails follow
the mother hen about like chicks, but
as soon as they are big enough to shift
for themselves they fly away, forget
ting their early domesticity.
Manns Is urging other farmers in the
vicinity to hatch the quail eggs they
find.
The Appeal. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn. ;) 1889-19??, 1914-07-25
PHILIPPINES TO
Be FREE SOON
Bill Provides For Independence
When Isles Are Stable.
TO ABOLISH Commission.

Administration Measure Laid Before
Congress IS Senate Provided For.
Christian Provinces to Possess Suf-
frage-Non- Christian Tribes to Vote
Through Appointses Of Governor.
Washington.-A plan, approved by
the administration, for a more auton-
omous government In the Philippines
as another step toward independence
was laid before congress when Repre-
sentative Jones of Virginia introduced
a bill covering the subject. Mr.. Jones
Is chairman Of the house insular com.
m1ttee, and his measure, declaring the
purpose of the people Of the United
States as to the future political status
of the F'ilipinos, follows a long series
OF conferences with President Wilson.
Secretary Garrison, Manuel Quezon,
the Philippine resident commissioner
to the United States, and Democratic
members Of the insular committee.
supporters of the measure do not
expect 1t to get favorable action by
congress at this session, but are hope
full of action at the December session.
The bill is designed to carry out the
6eeaF@1@----@ - tie Baltimore platform.
The bill makes no attempt to fix a
date for Philippine independence, but
asserts that 1t always has been the
purpose to recognize the independence
OF the Philippine Islands "as soon as
stable government could be established
therein"
Mr.. Jones, explaining his Philippine
bill, said: "Generally speaking, the bill
provides for the Philippine Islands the
most liberal form of territorial gov
eminent. Its principal features, affect
The Appeal. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn. ;) 1889-19??, 1914-07-25

when the presidency brushed across
his vision. The prospect Of that eleva-
ton had little apparent effect on him.
He continued to go quietly and stead
lily about his appointed duties. When
the prize slipped to another he became
that others cheerful supporter. and
no breath Of dislOyalty or Of envy
ever tainted him.
Had he been elected president the
first lady Of the land would have been
an American, his wife, who was Miss
Minnie Burch, having come years ago
from Chicago, where her father was a
banker.
To Ribot France owes the Franco
Russian alliance, and he had much to
do with effecting the entente with
England. His firmness and courtesy
were more powerful than any other
single influence in smoothing out many
of the animosities toward Germany
that fingered after the Franco-P russian
war. 1t was in one Of his terms as
premier that France acquired her
share in the European division Of zones
Of control in Africa.
Always independent of the church
party. he has been steadily courteous
and considerate with that interest and
enjoys its full respect His republican,
ship has remained steadfast and con-
sistent, and as leader of the Progress
sives he has not in any instance failed
to meet the expectations Of his sup
porters, although every side has had
fair hearing from him.
While classed from the beginning of
his career as partisan. his course is
primarily that Of patriot, and as pa.
triot all factions hail him. The policy
Of Cancellation which he adopted while
young in public life won countless vic
tories for him and general esteem. It is
said of him, as Of few French publ
cists. that he has no enemy after all the
issues he has fought.
If his eminence needs further expla-
nation it is due to his answering and
dominating patriotism, to his broad
sympathies and to the high qualities Of
his mind and character. In every situa-
ton he has had the trust of all the peo-
pie. If temptation ever beset him for
his political or financial advancement
he withstood It, not with effort, but in
natural course. Moderation Of speech,
accuracy Of foresight and integrity of
conduct have distinguished him in both
public and private relations.
The Appeal. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn. ;) 1889-19??, 1914-07-25
UPSIDE DOWN SHOT
KILLS BIG GRIZZLY
Luck Saved Mans Life In
British Columbia.

Mcbride, B. C.-"Did y'ever lie on
your back in the brush and shoot a
wounded grizzly that was standing
right above your head?" asked Joe Jul
neau, trapper, when he came here with
his partner, Bert Wahl. 20
swell, it amt so funny when YOU
actually have to do it to escape getting
Rugged by the grizzly. Griggly huggin'
is one kind don't banker for!'' 20
Joe Juneau had set out into the
mountains looking for caribou
II never met caribou, nor nothin'," he
said, It'll right on the edge of the tim
Der I suddenly saw big bear. Say, l
cut loose with my rifle without thinkin'
at all. 1t was a grizzly and whopper
II was so blame excited fired again,
though l could only see his head and
shoulders. But I'd forgot my gun was
still sighted for 100 yards, so Of course
l 0Vershot him. But l guess l parted
his hair all right, for he turned and
charged right at me.
"But suddenly his bearship changed
his mind. He took long circle, Looping
off through the meadow. Then shot a
third time and wounded him, too, but
it only served to quicken his get
away.
"However, this time l must a. got
a little reckless, because l went right
after him in spite Of my creed not to
follow grizzly, especially a wounded
grizzly, single handed. l followed the
blood tracks into thick underbrush.
Pretty soon it got so tight and tangled
I had to get down on my hands and
knees and crawl along. pushing my
gun ahead Of me.
81 might "a knowed it would hap
pen then. Suddenly poked my head
and shoulders through into a little
clearing, and there was that grizzly.
reared up right above me!
''There wasn't no question about his
intentions. It had to be dead grizzly
or dead man in about the briefest
jiffy Of time. just rolled over on my
back and l fired at him upside down!
The brush was so thick, above me that
it would "a been impossible to get to
my knees in time.
"Say, If that grizzly had toppled
over forward instead Of backward he'd
"a fallen square on top of me. That's
how close we were.
"But he fell backward all right. And
for time after I'd heard the crash l
don't know which was the deadest,
him or me! It was my first attempt
to aim upside down. The scare sort
Of left me collapsed. But I'd hit him
fair, under the chin and up through
the mouth into the BRAIN"
The Appeal. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn. ;) 1889-19??, 1914-07-25
DEWEY IN CANAL PARADE.
Will 30 Invited to Make Trip Aboard
$3.50 His Old FLAGSHIP Oivmnia.

Will 30 Invited to Make Trip Aboard
~. His Old Flagship Olympia.
Neutrality-suspicious. George Dewey
may take his old flagship, the Olympia.
through the Panama canal next March
in the naval parade. Rear Admiral
Clark. retired, has been ordered to
take command of his old ship. the Ore
gon, for the occasion. and Secretary
Daniels said that he had decided to
invite Admiral Dewey to take part.
If the admiral does not feel like max
ing the journey via the canal he may
60 overland to San Francisco and go
aboard the Olympia upon the arrival
OF the pageant feet there. s.---
The president and Secretary Daniels
will make addresses upon the arrival
Of the feet at the exposition city. 1t
is likely that Admiral Dewey and Ad-
The Appeal. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn. ;) 1889-19??, 1914-07-25
BRIDGE BUILDING WONDER.
Lehigh Valley Replaces Old Bridge
With New In Five Minutes.

-S"9" VaHoy replaces OI0 6rid9e
With New In Five Minutes.
Wende, N Yin five minutes a $50
ton bridge was moved out and replaced
by $50 ton bridge on the Lehigh Val
ley railroad here It took exactly two
minutes to get the old bridge out of the
way and two minutes and fifty seconds
to roll the new one into place. Traffic
was not interfered with, the time chos-
en- for the bridge moving having been
carefully chosen in relation to the
movement Of trains.
The new bridge, which is a double
tracked single span structure over q
hundred feet long, was already fitted
with a ballasted track laid on q con-
crete foundation, and as soon as it was
IN place 1t was only necessary to Join
the rails to make ready for the passage
Of trains. The steel spans are ten feet
deep and rest on rockers, so that trains
passing Immediately afterward were
able to travel at full speed, as if there
were no bridge there.