davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1914-09-05
WELL, HE MADE THEM LAUGH
Speaker at Banquet Intended to Be
Humorous, and Quite Uncon-
sciously He Was.

Henry returned from the dinner and
faced his expectant wife with a proud
and smiling face.
Yes. thank you, my dear" he said,
In answer to her anxious inquiry.
THE dinner was most pleasant. and
my speech was the success of the
evening"
What did you say, darling?"
"Oh, well, I can't remember ex-
actly, you know. But until 1 spoke
all the speech had fallen rather fiat,
SO thought would give them a little
humor. And I succeeded, tool / had
hardly said more than six words when
there was pleased giggle round the
huge table. In few minutes 1 had
them all rolling about with laughter,
and when at last / sat down the ap-
plause was Observation-Disclosures Z"
At this point Henry removed his
overcoat.
Il am glad your speech was such
success, DEAR" answered his wife,
dutifully. But next time you have to
speak in public would 1t notsbe better
to put a waistcoat under your dress
coat. especially when you wear a
dickey?"
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1914-09-05
PossIbIe Chance.

A young man who last month re-
ceived his diploma has been looking
around successfully for a position,
employment and g. job. Entering an
office the other day he asked to see
the manager, and while waiting for
that gentleman to become disengaged
he said to the office boy:
DO you suppose there is any open
ing here for college graduate?"
We'll, dere win be-" was the reply,
IF de boss don't raise me salary to
tree dollars a week by termorrer
night."-Boston Evening Transcript
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1914-09-05
DISAPPEARED
Coffee Ais Vanish Before Postum.

It seems almost too good to be
true. the way headache. nervousness,
insomnia, and many other obscure
troubles vanish when coffee is dis
missed and Postum used as the regu-
lar table beverage.
The reason is clear. Coffee con-
tains a poisonous caffeine
which causes the trouble, but Postum
contains only the food elements in
choice hard wheat with a little mo-
lasses
A Phila. man grew enthusiastic and
wrote as follows:
Until IS months ago I used coffee
regularly every day and suffered from
headache, bitter taste in my mouth.
and indigestion; was gloomy and irri-
table. had variable or absent appetite.
loss OF flesh, depressed In spirits, etc
IT attribute these things to coffee.
because since quit it and have drank
Postum I feel better than / had for
20 years. am less susceptible to cold.
have gained 20 lbs. and the symptoms
have appeared-vanished before
Postum"
Name given by Postum Co.. Battle
Greek. Mich Read THE Road to
MELVILLE" In pkgs-
Postum comes in two forms:
Regular Postum-must be well
boiled 15c and Csc packages
instant Postum-is a soluble pow
der. A teaspoonful dissolves quickly
in a cup of hot water and. with cream
and sugar, makes q delicious bever@
age Instantly. SOC and Soc tins
The cost per cup of both kinds In
about the same.
There's . Reason" for Postum
sold by Grocerh
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1914-09-05
ERUPTION OVER cHILD'S BODY

Route No. 3, Box 81, Little Falls.
Minn.-"Our little boy was taken sick
with a fever and after the fever he
broke out with a sore eruption all over
his body. We could get nothing to
help him. The sores were large and
red and bleeding. They started with
blisters as if he were burned and
when they broke they would bleed
and they itched so that he could not
sleep for some time. We had him all
tied up with bandages and then we
had to soak them of every day.
I'VE bought cake of Cuticura Soap
and a box of Cuticura Ointment
which soon gave him relief. Now he
is as we'll as can be for in three weeks
he was all healed by the Cuticura
Soap and Ointment" (Signed) George
Wolters, Jan. %, 1914.
Cuticura Soap and Ointment sold
throughout the world. Sample OF each
free. with SIP Skin Book Address post
card '-Cuticura, Dept L, Boston."-Adv.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1914-09-05
Good EatIno.

Metchnikoff, the Metchnikoff OF
sour milk fame, is soon to celebrate In
Paris" said Paris correspondent on
furlough in News York, his SEVENTEEN
birthday.
Since his sixtieth birthday, when he
began his sour-milk regime, Metchni-
koff has not aged. On the contrary he
has become rejuvenated
ITO the committee that has In
charge the splendid honors of his
birthday celebration Metchnikon gave
some advice on the benefits of frugal
eating benefits of taking no alco-
hol, very little meat and an abundance
of well cooked green vegetables. And.
he ended his lecture with this crystal
Of wisdom:
"'Good eating makes more pessi.
mists than bad luck"
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1914-09-05
In Demand.

A Louisville man tells of an incident
during the sessions held In his city of
Sunday school convention with dele
gates from all the states. In answer
to the roll-call of the states reports
were verbally given by the various
state chairman When Texas was
called big man stepped into the aisle
and In stentor1an tones exclaimed:
We represent the imperial state of
Texas. The first white woman born
In Texas is still nving-she has now
a population of over three million"
Whereupon q voice from the gallery
cried out in clarion tones: Send that
woman to Idaho-we need her"
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1914-09-05
WOULD MAKE A POLITICIAN
Little WIIIie's Capacity for Sticking to
One Idea SinguIarIy Like Way
of Rabid Partisan.

The late Adlai E. Stevenson" said
Republican leader of Bloomington,
hadn't, after all, much use for poll
tics. He once explained to me why
this was
He said that party politicians be
lieved their side to be always right,
and the other side to be always wrong.
Whatever the other side advocated, it
was horrible and Internal; whatever
their own side advocated was holy.
He said the partisan couldn't I'M
derstand that you might arrive at the
right thing by more ways than one
and thus the partisan was like the ur-
chin whose teacher said:
Willie. what does six plus four
maker
Eleven
No. Try again
Twelve
mo
Thirteen
No, no, no. You're Just guessing
But why couldn't YOU have guessed
that six plus four makes ten7'
Because 1t don't make ten,' said
Willie. Five and five makes ten
remember that"
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1914-09-05
LABOR TO MEET IN EMPORIA
State Federation Chooses Next Years
Meeting Place and Elects
New Officers.

Emporia was chosen as the meeting
place of the 1915 convention of the
Kansas Federation of Labor and Off
GERS for the next year were chosen
at the final session of the convention
at Pittsburg. John Craddock of Weir
was reelected president-organizer over
George Blakely of Emporia.
Other officers elected are: First
vice president, j. E. WHISKY, Pitts
burg; second vice president, George
Blakely, Emporia; third vice president,
r. c. Salisbury, Osawatomie; secre-
tary-treasurer, George B. Edgell, Leav-
enworth; sergeant-at-arms, Charles
Meyer, Wichita; delegate to Missouri
Federation of Labor convention, L. T.
Pritchell, Kansas City; legislative
committeeman, C. o. Treasurer, To
peka.
Three Hurt by Explosion.-Three
persons were injured at Chcrryvale
when a gas explosion wrecked the
large plate glass front of two-story
building. The structure was badly
damaged. A fire which followed the
explosion was quickly extinguished.
Callahan Rezrrested.-John Gala
county about two months ago, while
proceeding in habeas corpus was pend
ing in the probate court of Sedgwick
county, has been rearrested at Ponca
City, Ok.
Lived 90 Years.-Mrs. Rebecca Chit
ty, 80 years old, was found dead in
bed at Atchison by her daughter. She
apparently was in good health the
night before Death was due to nat
ural causes
Don c. Porter DIes.-Don c. Porter,
for 35 years drug salesman in Kan
sas. died at his home in Wichita. He
was a charter member of the Wichita
Shrine and a member of the consis-
tory. He was also charter member
of the Wichita ETks lodge Seven
years ago he went to the City of Mex
leo with a team of sixteen Shriners
and helped make former President Diaz
a member of the order.
Laid Cornerstone--The cornerstone
of the new court house for Wallace
county was laid recently at Sharon
Springs Charles c. Chandler grand
master of the Kansas Masons. presid-
ed over the ceremonies and Judge j.
C Rupenthal of the Twenty-third Dis
rtict made the address The court
house will cost $4,000.
y X
Fist Blow Kiils--Church c. Harmon,
so years old, a clerk, met Samuel
Tate, 80 years old, in Wichita, follow
ing a quarrel over an eviction suit
which involved a horse trade Han
non struck Tate on the chin, knock
ing him down. Tate died immediate
ly and Harmon is held without bond
X
To Try 100 Liquor Cause.-The two
divisions of the district court in Sedg-
wick county viii hear over hundred
liquor cases next month Raids on
joints in Wichita have been general, |
and as result, in two months seven |
ty-fve convictions have been made in |
police court
X II
Dies From Accident--Wi1liam B. |
Ward, a stockman of Coldwater,
whose feet were cut off when a Santa |
Fe train struck his motor car, is dead /
in hospital at Wichita Ward was
l3 years old
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1914-09-05
MAKING 1t Complete.

Mr.. Fred Kerr, the actor, was play
ing at Ranelagh, and at the Lake
hole drove eight successive balls
straight into the water. He had no
more left in his bag. and there was
nothing more to be done-except
one thing. Selling his bag OF clubs,
he walked dramatically to the lakes
edge Then IN a broken voice he
said:
odd pond, have these as wen,'' and
turning, with a sigh, walked home.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1914-09-05
The Difference.

A man whose income is $500 q year
or over is entitled to be called gen.
tleman In England. A man who earns
that much is entitled to be called q
gentleman In America
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1914-09-05

Il see where the women abroad are
Offering to fight at the front, but
women will never make soldiers"
And why notT'
For one thing, each one would stop
in hot engagement to powder her
nose"
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1914-09-05
Let's Be Charitable.

The inventor of the first player pi-
ano is dead at eighty-fve. Peace to his
ashes. Let US forgive him He never
knew what his device would do to
nervous folk in our noise-ridden Amer
lean cities.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1914-09-05
Once Too Often.

Parson Black (sternly)-Did you
come by dat wateh-melyun honestly.
Bruddeh Bingy?
The Melon Toter-'Deed I did, pafl-
son; ebry day TO nigh on two weeksi
Puck
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1914-09-05
A poubtfui stat.m.nt

Ma, 1 would like to have a donkey.
Did anybody ever give you a donkey
for a PRESENT."
he married me-"
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1914-09-05

The average woman can do anything
with p hairpin except sharpen PEN
cil-and she can do that with her
teeth
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1914-09-05

YOUR OWN DRUGGIST WILL. TELL YOU
Try Murine Eye Remedy for Red, Weak, Watery
Just Bye Comfort. Write for Book of the Eye
By mail Free Murine Eye Remedy Co.. Chicago
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1914-09-05
AMAZING Case.

lis there anything special in the
case?" asked the reporter of the bank
president whose cashier had stolen
SIT.
YES" unused the president, "yous
may say that we did not trust him
implicitly"
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1914-09-05

FifteeA hundred persons are killed
and 5000 are annually injured as a
result OF fires Ia the United States.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1914-09-05
In SThArIa

Pleasure party?" asked the first
Cossack.
You might say So" answered the
other. We're going for a knouting."
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1914-09-05
No Improvement.

No Improvement.
How does Percy De Soft improve
his timer
He doesn't
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1914-09-05

Fame never blows her trumpet for
a man who is too lazy to raise the
wind
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1914-09-05

| It's better to offend some people
| than to oblige them.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1914-09-05

Men without enemies have but few
friends.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1914-09-05

Dies From Accident.-William B.
Ward, a stockman of Coldwater,
whose feet were cut off when a Santa
Fe train struck his motor car, is dead
in a hospital at Wichita Ward was
l3 years old
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1914-09-05

Coal Miners Back Again.-Every
mine in the Pfttsburg coal district,
except one at Radley, is in operation,
it was announced by district union Of
ficials- A meeting Is scheduled to be
held at Radiey by local union officials
and visiting officials and it is believed
that the men viii go back to work in
the mine at once.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1914-09-05

Slept on Track-Perry Matthews of
Clements was run over by a freight
train in Strong City recently and in
stantly killed. Matthews was about
40 years old He was working with
grading gang on the Santa Fe rail
road at Strong City He is believed
to have gone to sleep on the track
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1914-09-05

Kansas Hens Lay for CUBA pro
duce company of Usage City shipped
car of Usage county eggs to Ha
vana, Cuba. the other day.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1914-09-05

To Try 100 Liquor Cases.-The two
divisions of the district court in Sedg-
wick county Will hear over a hundred
liquor cases next month Raids on
joints in Wichita have been general,
and as a result, In two months seven
ty-five convictions have been made in
police court
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1914-09-05

Caught Wild Mana wild man, -
arrested in the women's waiting room
of the Union Pacific depot at Junction
City, proved to be a Salfna negro
When discovered he was crouched in
a dark corner and was entirely de
void of clothing Sticks and leaves
IN his bushy wool gave him a wild
appearance. He could not account for
the loss of his clothing.
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1914-09-05

Building Many Silos--More silos
have been built in Leavenworth coun-
ty during the last two weeks than
ever before, and others now are in
course of construction. With their
silos filled, the farmers will be assured
of fodder for their live stock during
the winter
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1914-09-05

Laid Cornerstone--The cornerstone
of the new court house for Wallace
county was laid recently at Sharon
Springs. Charles c. Chandler. grand
master of the Kansas Masons presid-
ed over the ceremonies and Judge j.
c. Rupenthal of the Twenty-third Dis
rtict made the address The court
house will cost $50, 600
Western Kansas world. [volume] (WaKeeney, Kan.) 1885-current, 1914-09-05

Fist Blow KiiIs--Church c. Harmon,
80 years old, a clerk, met Samuel
Tate, 50 years old, in Wichita, follow
ing a quarrel over an eviction suit
which involved a horse trade. Han
non struck Tate on the chin, knock
ing him down. Tate died immediate
ly and Harmon is held without bond.
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1914-05-01
Los ANGELES
IS GROWING
At RAPID RATE
REGISTRATION SHOWS POPULA-
TION HAS GROWN VASTLY
SINCE OFFICIAL 1910
CENSITS
Los Angeles April

Los Angeles April An official
estimate fixing the population of the
city of Los Angeles at we'll above
$4,000 and that of the county at
100000, has been made by County
Registrar of Voters Thomas McAleer.
The census showed the population of
the city in 1910 was 319,19S.
This tremendous gain in popula-
ton in four years is based upon the
total male registration of the city,
which, the revised figures in Mr.. Nc
Aleer's office indicate, is approximate
lily 100000.
This total is multiplied by five, the
accepted standard of all census esti-
mates in the United States, and which
for years has been shown to be the
best method of arriving at totals of
population. And this does not take
into account thousands of men who
never vote and therefore do not reg
ister.
An interesting feature of the in
formation furnished to the associa-
lion is the opinion of the registration
chief, accompanying the document
never be correct index by which to
ISISi SiiiliIe IuS SIOWIH anu pOuuldIlOE
of large cities.
''Los Angeles has gone far past the
half million mark. The figures / have
compiled are, | believe, as nearly ac-
curate as a government census" said
Chief McAleer.
Census statistics have for years
been almost unanimous in following
the ratio l have used in making my
estimate.
"This ratio has stood the test fol
fifty years-one male voter for every
five persons. 1t is the basis used
throughout the, state by the associa.
tion in its work of estimating the pop.
ulation of California.
"There are approximately 100000
registered male voters in the city OF
Los Angeles and not quite $4,000 ir
the entire county.
"The government census in 1910
gave the population of the county as
594,131, while my estimate shows q
gain to $4,000, approximately.
"Los Angeles is growing at tire,
mendous pace; for instance, the pop.
ulation of the city and county com,
bined today is about one-third of the
entire population of the state foul
years ago. The population of the en-
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1914-05-01
ISLES ARE
MUCH EXCITED
MILITANTS APPORTION SQUADS
TO VARIOUS DIVISIONS OF
KINGDOM FOR COSTLY
CAMPAIGN.

London, April A reign of ter
ror exists today throughout the British
Isles as a result of the activity of the
suffragette incendiaries. The fears of
property owners were heightened to-
day by the information that Scotland
Yard has discovered plot among the
leaders of the militant suffragettes to
carry on the most extravagant arson
campaign that has been attempted
since women injected violence into
their campaign for votes.
Insurance rates are being increased
and many large property owners are
employing special guards to watch
their buildings.
A striking feature of the situation
is that no one knows where the torch
will be applied next. The leaders have
divided the arson squad into detach-
ments, one of which has been sent into
Scotland and another into Ireland
The police are mystified as to the
source of the finances which the mil
itants need to carry out such cam
paign.
During the past twenty-four hours
suffragettes have done more than
$250,O00 damage.
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1914-05-01
A FREAK OPOSSUM KILLED
Its Ears Were Slit by Hunter In
18oo.-Excites Entire Village
BY its Depredadons.

Newtown, N. CA freak opossum
which was captured fifteen years ago
and released after being marked, was
killed here by Gus Price and Walter
Rowe. after It had been tracked to the
barn Of C. NJ. Rowe. The animal In
q cross between an opossum and
Yaccoon. It has stripes running a.
round its body, ia 5 feet inches long.
measuring from tip of tail TO the end
Of the nose; and weighs 81 pounds.
o. G. Boston, an old-time hunter de.
clsres It Is the same animal he cap
tured in Alexander County In 1899. At
that time he marked It by Sitting It's
cars and released It. The animal
killed here carries the same sort Of
marks.
Citizens OF this town have been at q
loss for some time to know what sort
Of animal was making nightly depreda-
lions on hen houses Although many
tracks of the strange creature had
been found, no one had seen 1t, until
It's discovery today Old hunters here
declare they have never seen anything
like the unusual creature.
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1914-05-01
WR|GGLED THRU :.
6-|NGH OPENING
IN THE WINDOW

Hollidaysburg, Pa, April =
Frank G. Carroll, alias Wilson, the
confessed bandit who robbed the Union
Bank in Altoona, shot the cashier
A. E. Rupert, and W. E. Blackburn,
Pennsylvania Railroad foreman, or
March %, wriggled through a six
inch window opening in his cell in the
Blair County Jaiy here, climbed with
the dexterity of circu sathlete up
the outer wall to the roof and then
fashioned a forty-foot rope out of his
bedclothing, by which he descended to
the street below.
Carroll then walked to the District
Attorneys Office, directly opposite the
Court House, and there scrawled in
chalk marks on the bricks under a
window of the Commemorative prose-
cutor this parting Message: "See me
later. F. G. c."
Nearby residents declare that high
powered motor car was stationed in
the street close to tle Jail at mid
night and that the prisoner had the
aid of accomplices ii. making his sue
cessful dash for freedom. The great
est vigilance had b=cn exercised by
the county authorities in imprisoning
Carroll. He. was paced in a cell be-
hind double doors and guard pa
trolled the Jail yard beneath his win
dow throughout the night.
Carroll's only aid within the cell to
escape was bar Of soap. With the
soap he creased his naked body and
the six-inch opening in the window,
wriggiing eel-fashion through the mar
row opening and then, hatless, clad
only in pajamas and bedroom slippers,
fled to the Allegheny Mountains. His
escape was not discovered until five
hours later.
The county detectives have spread a
dragnet covering radius of 100 miles
around Hollidaysburg.
| Carroll last week signed confessions
of crimes of sufficient gravity to con-
sign him to the penitentiary for fifty
syears. A reward of $1,000 offered for
4 his capture will be paid to the chief
of police of Salem, o. His wife is
lying i'll at Salem, o.
When Carroll was brought to Hol-
Ilidaysburg he remarked to the detec-
tives: "Give me three feet start and a
six shooter and you'll not get me
again."
Philip Steinmiller of Pittsburgh
came here and identified Carroll as
the man who a few weeks ago en-
tered his store, shot, him in the left
arm and robbed him. When Carroll
was captured in Salem, o., he had
taken his wife to her fathers home.
He made several desperate attempts
to escape while being conveyed here
by the detectives, in one of which he
threw a cup of hot eogee in the face
of his captor in railroad restaurant
in Pittsburgh.
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1914-05-01
BURGLAR ONLY AN APE
Visitor Calmly Eats Lunch In Kitchen
While Woman Runs for Aid

Akron, Ohio-Policenan Frank Nc
Guire with drawn revolver, crept
stealthily into the kitchen at the home
of Mrs. Lelah Simmons at an early
hour in the morning. In the next
room he saw the burglar who had
terrorized the family, seated at a ta-
BILE calmly eating sandwich. Nc
Guire put his gun against the mans"
head, with an order of Hands up"
Tne man" turned and Mcguire al
most tainted when he saw it was an
ape. There was score of men about
the house to prevent the burglars"
escape.
I Mrs. Simmons saw dark form
glide through a window In her room
and go to the kitchen. A moment la
ter she heard crash. Locking the
door she in her nightgown ran to call
the police.
The ape was taken to the police
station, and was claimed by its owner
Alfred Drownisky. animal trainer.
The ape had escaped from his room
In the night.
Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1914-05-01
TAXPAYERS CHARGE
. THIEVES SYNDICATE

Portland, Ore, April With mer-
chandise appraised at over $4,000 re-
covered and seven young women un-
der arrest, the police and the district
attorneys office announced that their
Investigation of an alleged thieves
syndicate among young women store
clerks indicated wider ramifcations
and further arrests.
F. f. Friedlander, a jeweler, in
the arrested women, had been en-
ployed, said he had been obliged to
"charge off" $4,000 worth of jewelry
and silverware which had disappeared