The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1914-09-22

distinguish At sight. You obscrv. "a
nice. puict-looking creature. with {,
hii,nu eye and gentle demeanor. that
n !, rae you and you 20 up and rat
trends with 1t. Sometimes YOU are so
;a'tractcd by II that you even take IL
~" nn,'s w w. Eog' when. suddenly, with
~ h word OF warning, ii begins 10
throw FITS about Bomc perfectly com
rcon1ipiace kiri or young man, and you
atone. and at tho mercy Of - lover
,or The spc2es OF rabies, Ni;h which tho
sIhlG' haiincination. This illusion
az" hunEcruE and thirrtins, and MN.
"W"T' iushls TO hear about tho per-
nVna' appearance. and ia. mental aud
iuor"l 'hitrms Of some individual YOU
take TIE slightest interest
The lover ~ Of both ncNc. and ,.hr.
me mIlcs arc tho most violent. they
Iack ~. staying powers OF The r.
, ,1"i Ih.y arc also Of all ages. and
,h" older they gct tho worse ,hcy got'
nuh INC more 10 be dreaded. ~ nom
lnI o'h" on cartli ia 10 aifucjing as an
ga maid lover OF a acnilc ;srnnIir, on.
~ one" you are aitucisod ~ either OF
thcae creatures. YOU had rs well .,han-
, no., mop AZ once. ~ they never 40
OF utter RESPONSIBILITIES
Ihcr" are many varieties of tho lov.
,I,o,.., hc most co,uinon of which is
WAYS very Young. ana rather sby ,md
II IS usually possible 10 friehidn II
OF by hurting a few shafts OF ridicule
AZ ~ Another common variety i.,
called III" poet This is q particularly
v.rs",, a., encries, - II oozes slushy
agony. 90 $50
po Sno IS 3re sp I;,sT %,9,Gs @lisa the
mag always be recognized at sigh,, ~
CARRYING so many lcttcrs ~ it's rockies:
Z or STUFFED In its shirtwatst tia, ii
g4s
az this Variety OF lover gets lis laws
on YOU - pulls out those letters which
dG sE,i,,, NY d""rrest own. ny rrecious
uhrllhE angel love ducky dAddie," on
you ana hssasannt-s YOU BY mul.ing
lou itau forty pas" inissiNcs of dcyo-
tlon addressed TO another. Happily how
ever. after the FIRST letter Won arc re-.
hhr rsin 10 a state Of softening OF tho
OF your sufcrinSs.
The most dangerous variety Of IN.
lover, though. is tho widowcr when
one OF these. especially graybcard.
develops an attack Of love il is tho
most fearsome bore known TO poor
nu,,mnnliy II simply runs amuck
n Sim,ng y %m2m II may deyour and
Zoe is safe from its attack.
some thinks that an old maid win
rs nrst case OF rabies is equally an
r""Iecroua, nut tlfis "a Il iniatakc. rhe
abiitN raised 10 tho ninth bower Ia
,nahn one Nearn for speedy death, is
''a. ~ "ilo - stuck on q tweut!
- 81 -oIu tlTi especially q chorus girl.
The mode OF attack OF the lover r..
SOM pies that of other mon dcvour!ng
animals. II simply lies in wsit for
It's prey. and tho instant i, nrrroiycs
that You are dcfcnsclcss IL sDringa unon
you Win a Nawp Of JOY. and while Won
are being chewcd up IL cruits sounds
that those who have studied ia i.n
guagc translate thus 90"
Gay. YOU ought 10 sec my girl. She
is nc most beautiful creature in the
q saI
quenched in dew. Iier hair AR is '9 snun
S SoM I Ter cd mou'm f. H.. nerfSci CUPID
cotnpieNlon is like alabaster Her fg-
ur1 Is tall and slight and wiliowy.
n ana v Der neck nnd arms like those OF
lnteihScnt woman. bright and witty
M i,, siNaclous. but not I'm the least :,
stocking She. dresses magnf-
Itht MAKES every other woman turn
round and rubber as she passes but
sme Is so ceonoinical that il doesn't
COST nor moro than So Il year 20 do it,
Ann she is so domestic her angel food
mirIlS IN your mouth. And she Just
, Mn"rHnhnS nc Sho hasn't another
thouEht except about me. Honest il
ANYTHING should happen To inc If would
na H9" sasr and give a little moan Of
breath, and then the horrible. pitjicss
hcnd begins 1T all over again. SAY.
YOU ought TO see my girl. Shc ia tho
most beautiful creature i'm thn world
Her eyes are like violcts etc. ctc otc
ana 1T repeats this again and again as
,ouH as there is amy breath left In YOUR
The fcmalo lovers cry when nas,,.
catlnS victim does not differ material
" IRON those OF tho male cxccnt that
every assertion ends with. John saws
th"i me stock market viii 20 up or
u" 50 ana so. John saws that Wn vriil
nave not summer next summer" ctc
etc. INC peculiar effect of this Is to
render tho people who have TO bcnr II
stock. staring mad. SO that thcv hcat
tnc'r heads against the wall. and 20
about wringing their hands and Won
ucrinE II they can stand IT until the
wedding day. 40
Tho only known antidotc for tho
ratics III lovers Is TO get them married.
ms works an instantaneous cure Thcv
never throw another lit afterwards
and arc most pleasant and dcl;vhtf,,j
to have about ever after. "''"'
Further facts:
II all tho world loves a lover i, Iovcr
him q a distance.
Many man writes sonncts 10 vo.
VINO refuses 10 split the kindlIne for
her after the marriage
Ihc foolishness of lovers is wiser
man the wisdom Of sagcs
Mover To have loved is meyer IN h,yo
lived. "NN'' 10 h"No
once in his life every man is a hero
OF romance 4" some woman. and some
WOMAN an angel 10 some man. and thut
,ou : COMPENSATION for all tho bal
existence. 'N"'" We
woman MAG forget everything else
!hat mas happened to her In life. buf
she Ia dying is what hcr lover mscH
10 say TO her in tho days before they
married. ''"'