Fergus County Democrat., 1914-03-17
Luke McLuke Saws

The haste in which you marry only
lasts an hour. The leisure in which
you repent drags over a whole lot of
years.
When you see married man smil-
ing sweetly at his wife and paying
her every attention possible, holding
on to her arm and assisting her across
streets, it isn't always because he is
in love with her. Maybe she has
caught him doing something and he
has to act that way because she has
the goods on him.
A girls idea of quitter is young
man who will leave her side and 60
home at 10000 o'clock just because her
father says he can't stay any later.
The girl who gets mad because a
newspaper doesn't print two columns
| about her wedding gets even madder
If newspaper prints one line about
| her divorce.
| There are lots of people who act
as though the world owes them a
debt of gratitude for consenting to
| live in it.
One of the funny things in life is
that after seeing pictures showing
how ugly he is going to be in a union
suit man will go ahead and buy the
thing.
We may be fat-headed, but we have
never seen any problem play that
solved any problem.
After few years of married life a
man doesn't give a hang whether or
not he is greeted with kiss as long
| as his supper is ready
A woman may wear nothing but a
CT nd ~S
ings. But that doesn't keep her from
reading the lingerie ads.
A widow gets some consolation out
OF the reflection that there are lot
of married women who would like to
change places with her
| 1t never fails. The man who says
ne has no choice about his part of the
turkeys will always seem dissatisfied
with the piece you hand him.
Some married men are born foolish
and some get married on $40 per week.
Some men will get SO full of what
they think is the Christmas spirit that
they want to whip everybody in the
place. And others think it is up to
them to kiss the bartender goodnight.
It's an i'll wind, etc. If it wasn't for
the JOY riders most of the coffin fac
tories would be running on half time.
Cheer up! When you are broke, you
are broke, and that settles it. But
when wealthy man goes broke, he
has to explain how it came that he
encountered financial reverses.
| All husbands lie about the amount
OF coin they give their wives, and all
wives add so per cent to the amount
when they tell about what they re-
! ceive.
When a princess marries pretty
fellow, the lazy fool killer sits down
and waits for the divorce instead of
doing his duty.
Every now and then you run across
a Ph. ID. who can't tell his son how to
find the greatest common denominator.
You will see long stories boosting
inventors every now and then. But
you never see the man who invented
ear muffs force his way into print,
And there's reason.
one OF the funny things about the
upllft is that lecturer will talk all
night about his faith in human ma.
ture; tell you that the world is grow
ing better, and repeat his confidence
in the rugged honesty of the masses,
and then take the 200 bucks he re-
celves for the lecture and seal it UP
in an envelope and get 10 witnesses
and receipt to prove that he placed
it IN the hotel safe before he dares to
go to his room and close his eyes.
Eight hours play every day is a
durn sight harder than eight hours
work every day. If you don't believe
it, try it.
There's one born every minute. But
some OF the crooks are so neryy that
they try to make a man buy the same
gold brick twice.
1t Is very easy for a princess with
a sprained imagination to believe that
she has a broken heart. Old Doc
Calomel cures more cases than Youne
Dan Cupid.
The reason woman never tells hel
husband what she thinks of her WON
en- friends is because she is SO busy
. telling her women friends what she
thinks of her husband.
All married me- naro 0roo< bl,,Apopa