The Lakeland evening telegram. (Lakeland, Fla.) 1911-1922, 1914-12-15
HIS EXPERIENCE
BY PETER HlcKum.

7 don't propose to make myself e3-
ira ridiculous by calling myseif
hero. My solitary, wifeless existence
in this secluded grove must not oe
ascribed to poverty or misanthropy,
nc own several nice farms and wouid
eraciously permit any middle-aged iaoy
70 sunerintend the said real estate ana
NV niano; but my solitary life is que
to my two besetting sins-haVins
loved too many girls, and having oeen
too good.
am myself too far advanced III
life to gain benefit from my sad expe'
rience. but it might be OF value 10
those who are not too old to learn.
NV childhood shall be skipped. with
the laconic allusion that l wasn't the
worst boy In my native village on the
Rhine.
When asked what l intended to
make of myself, l always answered.
by looking at the nearest girl handv.
NV father, who was physician OF
considerable fame, had burning de-
sire to have me, his son Peter. be-
come a doctor of medicine and sur
gerry. He sent me at the early age OF
seventeen to a celebrated medical col
lege, accompanied by his warmest
well-wishes and a bundle of rules IN
regard to my behavior while away
from home. My arrival at the seat or
learning caused some head-shaking
among the skull-capped professors and
considerable giggling among the stu
dents. To remove my bashfulness l
was ordered to occupy dark corner
of the school-room-all to myself
where | was told to study the anat-
omy of grinning monkey, and to tell
what | knew about the bones when
the teacher came around.
But, alas! | was disturbed in my
anatomical studies by rafting noise
in the back yard. Casting my eyes
from my subject into the back yard,
I espied fair maiden pumping els
tern water with all her might. She
looked up and l again looked down,
until the fair pumper had filled the
bucket and pumped my heart clear
into the back yard.
forgot to peruse any more the
frightful skeleton, but my eyes con-
stantly explored the contents Of that
fatal back yard.
The fair pumper, my first love, was
seen by me no more. I pinned and be-
came haggard-looking; my teachers
felt my pulse and shipped me home
without delay.
recovered from the fever in about
two months, and went to a circus.
became greatly interested in the wax
figures Of Cain. who killed Abel, and
in the eleven good apostles.
But the curtain rose, when, 10 and
behold! there stood a lassie with
shining golden hair. l loved her with
out the least preliminaries, ant
couldn't sleep for many nights on &C
count of the charming circus-girl.
Then I emigrated to this country
where I have been entirely too good
and loved fair damsels by the score.
Ha! didn't l think that by carrying
, my whole early apple crop to thos,
three Sand Hill ladies' the oldes
would reciprocate my ardent affection
But she snubbed me as soon as tn
early apples ceased coming.
And that preachers daughter, whom
first saw and loved at the Oak Hill
camp-meeting. She came near spittinI
in my face.
The Dipperman girl held out seduc
tive inducements until, when l poppe,
the question. she crawled away witt
my bleeding heart, telling me that sh
! couldn't leave her parents for such
, forlorn-looking wretch az l was.
The Fulton county girl smiled a
long as let her father have his owl
way with my corn and hogs, but talke
bad to me as soon as I vetoed hi
thievish proceedings.
don't wish to mention the fou
lid OACS uCdIly Will
adored, nor will I tell the particular
about my short marriage with an e,
war-widow, who cost me 81 for til
modifying and 500 for loosening 1
l am now nearly seventy years {
age. lead frugal life, supply sever:
destitute widows with fuel, and liv
hermit life in this patch of timbt
which some sarcastic local newsp
per writer christened Misery Grow
because. as he fiendishly explaine
odd Peter is a miser in misery"
l will persist that I would be 6
happy as the majority If were equa
ly mean. But the way 1t stands a
without peer in this section, by re
son Of having loved too many girl
and having practiced that other b
setting sin, not having been goo
enough to myself. but too good
others.