The times dispatch. [volume] (Richmond, Va.) 1903-1914, 1914-09-22
The Worst Bore of All---The Lover
By DOROTHY DIX


world loves the lover. and that IT Is
cherished household pct Never was
there q greater mistake. for there IL
absolutely no ravenous beast OF tho for
est That VIII make prudent person
! take To his heels AS quickly az the
sight Of "a real bona fide lover bearing
down Upon him.
Nor IL this ietr Of this arfict,ny ami
NAL without case. for literally tho on
slaught of AN army with banners is not
so much to tic dreaded AS tho attack
Of "a lover who has ii bad II selzea
upon the friend whose hand has fed and
clothed It, or wavlays a perfect strang-
or with equal disregard or their feel
ihGs, and. without single pang or
conjunction. slowing borcs them to
death.
lust when and where this terrible
creature first originated II has beer
Impossible 10 ascertain It evidently.
however. goes back To a very remote
period. for history mentions a number
of notable specimens. such as Pctrarch
and Laura, Hero and Lcandcr. Romeo
and juliet, etc. etc, VITO appeared to
have gotten in their deadly work In
their vicinity In ages long ago.
In appearance the lovcr rs extremely
attractive. as II IL very gay colorcd,
coat sleek ana glossy. and It's paws I'm
& nice squcczablc condition. This caro-
OF appearances ts particularly notice
able ia the elderly species. the females
even going 80 far rs 10 dye their hair
and paint their faces in An effort TO look
sweet sixteen, while the males adop;
Il most amusing dandiiicd air and are
arrayed Ike Solomon ina all his glory.
Indeed. the elderly male lover has ono
popularity that should have attention
called to IL in this connection. g.. as
long as its mate Is alivc II presents :,
dingY. moth eaton. NANCY appearances.
but tho minute She dies II Immediately
sheds It's old coat and comes forth look =
ing spick and span, ana ten years
younger.
Tho habits OF the lover arc very
strange and totally incN plicablc 10 In
telligcnt people, and lead to tho belief
that the creature Is blessed. AZ best
but with feeble mind. II accms to
find its chief occupation in billing and
cooling, aud holding hands. one his
torian OF uuimpcachablc verac!ty notes
that he Witnessed II couple Of ordinary
common. or garden. lovers who Kissed
each other 23i5G.7So times without
pausing for breath, or s,inulants. 1t
would be ditiicult To accept these stats
ties except that they are borne out by
figures compilcd'in Central Park ana on
'
spots for making Marathon kissing
records.
Another common custom OF lovers,
and in which they appear TO take great
plea surc. il that of the female extend
ing toward the male her bunch Of
diglts, which he immediatcly clasps In
a strange hold An author by the
name of Patcr Fanilias, has accunu
lated much interesting data on this
subject by observing two lovers, n
female whom he called Daughter. and
Il male whom he called her Beau. who
would sit up thus for hours at time
with their fins locked.
This same authority deems lovers ah
solutcly idiotic, as he said during all
of this time the only sound approach
Ing conversation, or an interchange of
ideas that he debated would bc Il
gursly little sound that he asccrtained
cmanatcd from the male. and that in
dicatcd zoos ducky Is oo?" TO this
the female would reply. II is 90
ducEy." After which would be silence.
Then tho female would say, 100 is too
booful TO live" although the male in
question WAS runty. handy legged
little creature that could by no possI-
bihty have approached any artistic
ideal of pulchritudc. This converse
tion. II so il may be termed, says Eater
Familias, would he kept up from either
kick the Beau out OF tho house, where
upon the Daughter would 20 of 10
bed weeping.
4 popularity of tho male lover that
ia also worth noting is that it has no
regard for money, and prefers 10 spend
its hard earned dollars on candy.
flowers and theatre tickets. rather than
on something useful. You may often
observe one nj night, out with - nurIy
1OlrrI N Il
Jewels. uibbNng at tcrrapin aud cham
pagnc at Il swell broadway lobster pal
acc. and then see it. marching up for
The next three weeks to the feed trough
OF cheap quick lunch counter for it's
own proVcndcr
1t is also very amiabln to tho female,
and will Lot it lead IL around by In.
nose, and mako il fetch and carry. and
jump through the hoop. and perform
any sort Of parlor trick she fancies
This compaisancc lasts only until after
the mating, however, when tho female
generally has to pay for All the violcta
and candy she has had by cutting down
on her dress bill. This frequently leads
to family fights in which much damage
Is done.
Tho habits OF tue female lover arc
not less peculiar than those OF tho
malc. She is afflicted with mania
pcned 10 INC male; and That lie has
gotten lost going home. or has been
captured by bandits. or has been
hangs his old cigar butts on the wall.
tied With blue ribbon. and develops
telephonitis. and writer's cramp be
him how she loves him and how she
, misses n s!aS, and how W.. long J., is be-
p. NJ. when he will call again.
n M eli