davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1914-08-06
Our Own Geography
(Unexpurgated)
RHODE ISLAND

% I'm the Union. The chief =
8. cities are Providence and %
(. Newport. Providence is a %
. great burg because the 81 %
q steamers leave there for .
. New York. Brown Univer- .
. sity is also located here, so =,
. is Walter Maginn's W. k. o
Z. saloon. The students grad .
. uate from both concurrent 9,
. ly. Newport is the society .
{. watering place. so called be- g
. cause nobody drinks water. o
q The bathing is very rich in .
o Newport and some of the .
9 bellies, to show how little .
o the care for money, re @
@ quently use up as much as % .
o yard and a half of ma Q
@ terial in making their bath .
@ ing costumes. Most of this .
. is used in the cap. The sa- @
. looms close at midnight and @
9 each is equipped with only o
@ three side doors. o
o TOMORROW-Ve q
q . o o o o o . o @ o o o o .
o @ @ o o o q . . o 9 o @ o D
o I'M GLAD THATI o
9 AM ME! @
. o . ~~e% e~@@@~e
II there is one thing to tickle US
1t is that we amt that Gear
Nicholas!
My cup of joy 1 gaily fill
I'm glad that l amt Kaiser Bill
III
With joyous note I gladly sing,
So happy l amt England's king!
Nv :
am so tickled that l dance,
Cause l amt president of
France!
To be a Kink, or Car and such,
Believe me, kid, 1t amt so muchl
INFORMATION WANTED
Sir: Please tell me how
many ships there are In the
Bolivian navy and il Bolivia
is lined up with Germany In
this war? MAC.
Bolivia? We think that
this w. X. nation is lined up
with Uruguay. but not sure.
See war extras.
IMPROVING UPON KIPLING
From the number of prominent
women who are accused in crimes
in different parts of the country
xnrA lAA a. hnl
yard Kipling was not so very far
off when he said For the female
of the species is more deadly than
mule" - Kalamazoo, Mich,
Telegraph.
1T TAKES ALL KINDS, ETC.
l can stand for the boob who
wears tortoise-shell glasses,
Bout flaps half way up to his
knees 1 won't boiler.
But my nanny escapes when be-
fore my eve passes
The rummy who wears a green
tie and pink collar.
wELDoNIAN.
MURRAY FOR BROTHER MUTT
We are only able TO pub
lish a limited amount of
poetry, as per order from
the manager, Bro. Mutt
Cleveland, o., Restitution.
o o g = 9 o o o 9 @ . Q Q o
o ANOTHER VERY o
o IMPORTANT NOTE %
9 g e o @ o 9 Q g . . @ Q . Q .
On Monday last we announced
that hereafter, on Mondays. THE
WEEKLY SMUDGE will appear
on page 4 of the Times. Now
comes another announcement;
we were ever enterprising. We
have engaged the eminent zinc
etcher, w. r.. Altman, to fittingIy
illustrate the trenchant text of
THE WEEKLY SMUDGE. First
number next Monday. (Advg. .
rates 20 cents a line. Climb on
now, advertisers. advise wei
~
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1914-08-06
PREPOsTEROUs

Caperton a man of business):
Now, my dear, want you to sit
down and figure up in advance
just what our necessary expenses
will be for the coming year; that
is to say, 1 want you to prepare
a budget.
Mrs. Caperton (who has been
attending lectures on current
eyents): A budget! Why, they
don't do that even in congress.
Why should l do what the gov
eminent of the United States
doesn't think necessary?
Caperton: l hope you are not
comparing my method of doing
business with that of the United
States government? If l should
follow that example I'd fail in
three months.-Life.
Mrs. Bounderly: DO you think
1t is safe for me to go abroad
this year? There have been so
many dreadful steamship disas-
tiers.
Bounderly: What's the matter
with taking out some extra in
surance?-Life.
TRUTHFUL STATEMENTS
Doctor Pillem: My dear sir,
it is a miracle that you are alive
today.
Patient: Yes, that's what my
friends said when / told them
you were attending me.
. o o o o . o o o o o o %
. ONE ON THE BOSS o
o Boss: Are you the boss o
g in this office? 9
g Clerk (scared); M o
o no, sir. o
o Boss: Well, then. don't o
@ act like a dwelling idiot. 0
. . o o o Q . . o o o o . o o
Papa, why do they call money
you have in the bank a bank bal
anee?"
Ito show the great range of
the England language, my boy.
They call 1T a bank balance be-
cause it is the most uncertain
thing there is"
GOOD ENOUGH NAME
What do you call your horse,
Sid?"
Rusty Gates"
why do you call him that?"
Because his hinges creak."
RELAXATION
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1914-08-06
ONE ON THE BOSS
GOOD ENOUGH NAME

What do you call your horse,
Sid?"
Rusty Gates"
why do you call him that?"
Because his hinges creak."
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1914-08-06

There's judge down in Cincinnati-Municipal
Judge Fox-who has the right idea.
man was crossing the street at a place where
you'r supposed to cross Along came another man
In big automobile. The in the auto footed his
born And then, when the other man didn't step
down.
Said Judge Fox:
"A pedestrian may walk slowly as he chooses;
he has first right to the street crossing" And upon
the naughty automobilist he assessed a stiff fine
BY and by, when everybody has a Ford these
troubles won't arise Meanwhile, remember We
right of way.
Among other things that bound to go ND in
price as the result of the war is printers ink
Fontlclans who are still bordering over whether
70 run for office have until Saturday to file for the
primaries w W
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1914-08-06

Among other things that bound to 90 ND in
price as the result of the war is printers ink
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1914-08-06
The Limits of Sunday

Doctor Parkhurst, at dinner in New York. said
of Sabbath observance:
''There are too many of us who like the Hemp
stead woman.
''This woman said to her little boy the other day:
"'YOu mustn't roll your hoop in the front gar
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1914-08-06

Mikmaid-WOn't pleas e o
City Beau-Nhy do distra
Mikmaid-No dfstra he attention.
she has just been deprived e r
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1914-08-06
IMPROVING UPON KIPLING

From the number of prominent
women who are accused in crimes
in different parts of the country
We are led to believe that Rud-
yard Kipling was not so very far
off when he said For the female
of the species is more deadly than
a mule" - Kalamazoo, Mich,
Telegraph.
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1914-08-06
MURRAY FOR BROTHER MUTT

We are only able to pub
lish a limited amount of
poetry, as per order from
the manager, Bro. Mutt
Cleveland, o., Restitution.
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1914-08-06

Bolivia? We think that
this w. X. nation is lined up
with Uruguay. but not sure.
See war extras.
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1914-08-06
1T TAKES ALL KINDS, ETC.

can stand for the boob who
wears tortoise-shell glasses,
Bout flaps half way up to his
knees l won't boiler,
But my nanny escapes when be-
fore my eve passes
The rummy who wears a green
tie and pink collar.
WELDONIAN.
The Tacoma times. [volume] (Tacoma, Wash.) 1903-1949, 1914-08-06
INFORMATION WANTED

Sir: Please tell me how
many ships there are In the
Bolivian navy and il Bolivia
Is lined up with Germany In
this war? MAC.
The Washington times., 1914-05-17

market at the time. This is advisable
because some farmers have an eXaS-
gerated idea as TO the prices that city
people are willing TO pay for fresh coun-
try produce. whereas others are en-
tireIv moderate and reasonable"
Librarian George r. Bowerman has
received evidence of this. too, in let
tiers received from farmers to be post
ed on the bulletin board at the Public
Library. Some of the farmers agree to
sell fresh eggs the year round at .
cents a dozen by parcel post. Others
want S5 cents.
Efforts are being made to call 10 the
attention of farmers that the success
of the plan for the elimination OF the
middle man by parcel post trading de-
pends on the willingness o. the farmer
To spit the difference with the con-
sumer If he charges the full amount
lie would charge the retailer he Will
not be assured of a steady market lo'
everything he has to sell.
Pioneers among the housewives IN the
plan Of using the parcel post when
doing their marketing have gone INTO
this question with the farmers and nave
arrived at an understanding by whlch
they get fresh produce regularly at
prices slightly below the retail lever,
while the farmer gets slightly above
the retail price. And Uncle sam does
all the work.
The Washington times., 1914-05-17
Funerals

Fred ". Carlisle, at Speare's par
lors. p. M, Monday.
Alice Louise DAILY, from cool Georgia
avenue northwest. a. m, Tuesday.
Alexander Ebert, from Ill Seventh
street northeast, $50 a. m, Monday.
Mary +. Goodwin. from Us Pennsyl-
vania avenue southeast. p. M. Tues
day. Interment at Hartford. Conn.
Timothy Joseph HanlOn, from Ss2 II
street northeast, $50 a. m. Monday
lnterment at Mt. Olivet Cemetery. o..
Major George wings. from 13i Penn.
sylvania avenue northwest. Tuesday.
Fannie Well. from 2305m Eighteenth
street northwest. 10 a. m. this morn.
ing.
Catherine williams. from go Fourth
street northeast, 10 a. m. Monday Inter.
ment private at Mt. Olivet Cemetery.
John J. Wilmarth. Monday, at p
m. lnterment private.
Alphonso Eaglen. from Mt. Zion NJ. T.
Church. sligo, Md. p. m. Monday.
Agnes Greely. from 1852 Twentieth
street northwest. $50 a. m, Tuesday
lnterment at Baltimore.
Seth L. King. from the chapel al
Greenwood cemetery, D. NJ. Monday.
Hannibal II. Plummer. from 81 and
streets northeast. .. m. Monday.
DR.. John Underwood Raymond. from
1924 Euclid street northwest, D. M,
Monday. Interment private.
The Washington times., 1914-05-17
Obituaries
Nations Capital.

FRED w. CARLISLE, at Plainfield
y. J.. Friday.
ALICE LOUISE DAILY. at eoo1 Geor.
Eia avenue northwest. yesterday.
ALEXANDER EBERT. at Ill Seventh
street northeast. Friday
MARY E. GOODWIN, at 2l5 Pennsyl-
vania avenue southeast, yesterday.
TIMOTHY JOSEPH HANLON. at 81
II street southeast, yesterday.
Major GEORGE WINGS. at Episcopal
Eye. Ear, and Throat Hospital, yester-
day.
CHARLES ELMORE STEDMAN. al
the Netherlands apartments. YESTERDAY
CATHERINE WILLIAMS. at sG
Fourth street northeast, Friday.
LEANDER p. WILLIAMS, at a3I
Westminster street northwest, yester-
day
JOHN J. WILMARTH. on Friday
Funeral private.
DR.. H. ST. GEORGE BROOKE. al
2I2O + street northwest. yesterday.
ALPHONSO EAGLEN, at 1000 Eighth
street northwest yesterday.
AGNES GREELY. at 125c Twentieth
street northwest yesterday.
Mrs. GRACE CRAIG HUNTER, at
SETH E. KING. on Friday.
FLORENCE PAYNE. at Columbus,
Ohio Friday. Late of Washington.
HANNIBAL II. PLUMMER. al Sixty
first and b streets northeast. Friday
DIR. JOHN UNDERWOOD RAYMOND.
at 1924 Euclid street northwest. Friday.
The Washington times., 1914-05-17
Christian Church Opens
Convention on Tuesday

Vermont Avenue Church will be the
scene on Tuesday of the opening OF the
thirty-seyenth annual convention OF the
Christian Church for Delaware. Mary
land. and the District. Sessions Will
begin at 10 O'clock.
The annual meeting OF the Christian
Woman's Beard Of Missions for me
same district will be held ut CONT
mental Hall, beginning TOMORROW at 10
o'clock.
Ladies' of The board will entertain. at
luncheon 1t O'Clock at the Continental
Hotel, in honor OF visiting guests ana
speakers. Two guests will be DIR. Mary
LOngdon. returned missionary from In.
ola. and Mrs. Ellen III. Payne, national
superintendent Of young peoples WORK,
Mrs. ID. ). Shook will preside over the
board meeting tomorrow. In charge OF
arrangements for the luncheon are Mrs
Mildred c. Shinn.. Mrs. T. c. McCon'
hell. aud Mrs. Emma I.attimore.
The Washington times., 1914-05-17
New York Lawyer Aged
rs. Weds Girl Who Is 26

NEW YORK, .iay li.-Alfred Efpis, a
lawyer. MHo has beef living nj the
Aberdeen Hotel. was married in Trinity
Church yesterday to Miss Norma
Schiller. The bridegroom Is seventy
years old and tho bride twenty-siX.
Tell him Nc are in. but We are out.
was the MESA ge sent bv the happy
couple last night to = reporter who had
called at the Riviera TO get more Ce-
tails concerning the romance OF May
and late November.
The Washington times., 1914-05-17
Society Women Must
Have Gowns Fumigated

KENOSHA. Wis. MAY 17.-Scores Of
prominent women in this city have been
ordered to sumbit to vaccination ana
TO have their gown fUmigated. The
order. given by the health department
followed the discovery that Mrs. John
TSriss who made the gowns for many
Of the women, was i'll Of smallpox in
Racine.
The Washington times., 1914-05-17

Ing of Camp III, United Confederate
veterans, at the Confederate Memorial
Home, 1872 Vermont avenue northwest.
Tuesday evening. Invitations have been
issued to all Southern organizations in
Washington.
The Washington times., 1914-05-17
Masons to Confer Degrees

At the regular bi-monthly convoca-
ton OF Lafayette Chapter. No. ). Royal
Arch Masons. TO be held Tuesday even
ing. the past and most excellent mas
tiers degrees will be conferred.
The Washington times., 1914-05-17
TOPUSH CAMPAIGN
FOR. DRY" VIRGINIA
Alexandria W. c. 7. U. Workers
Win Spend Week on Petition.
Magnus SchuIer Dead.

ALEXANDRIA, May lT.-Plans have
been formulated by the organizations
ravoring the passage of the State pro-
hibition bill for an active campaign for
signatures to the petition to be pre-
s,nted to the governor asking him to
call a special election in September to
decide whether or not the State shall
90 dry. The securing OF. signatures will
be under the supervision of the two
". G. r. L. branches in this city.
whose members. will be SISTED by a
number Of clcrgymen. .-.
The work will occupy the week OF
June p. According to the decision of
Attorney General Pollard, rendered yes
terday, only persons who were entitled
TO vote in the general election Of Mo-
vember. 1919, can legally sign the peti-
tons. Alexandria had 1,G00 qualified
voters in that election. and in order to
secure the proportion of signatures re-
quired to call the prohibition election u
win be necessary for the. dry leaders TO
have 100 names signed to the. petition
from this city.
Magnus Schuler. sevcnty-five s-ears
old, a well known and respected ncr-
chant, died yesterday at his late resi-
dencc. LII Duke street, alter 'onc
Illness. HIS funeral will take place To-
morrow at g:j0 O'Clock from ST. MIry'a
Catholic Church. Mr.. Schuler was I
ratiye of axe-Weimap, Germany. lie
came to America in 1s55 and located W.
Baltimore. moving to Alexandria In
1855, where he entered the butcheTin%
business. later founding Inc firm If the
VI. Schuler Beef COMPANY. Several
years ago he retired rron active husi-
ness and was succeeded by his sons.
Eesides his wife, wi;o was Miss Bar:
bara Wechter. he is survived by three
children. Frederick and VIII lam j.
Schuler and Mrs. CHRISTINA +. Rales.
wife OF James w. Bales Tie .was 4
member OF Fitzgerald Council, X. of c
and the ROYAL Arcanum.
The fire department was called at
o'clock this morning to a blaze on North
Alfred street near the corner of Po'Idls-
ten. The damage was slight. Fire yes
terday afternoon damaged she rsstau-
rant OF c. III. Zimmerman in Market
Alley to the extent o. several hundred;
dollars. = 10
The Washington times., 1914-05-17
Veterans Social Meeting.

An address by Magnus :. Thompson
and Southern songs blythe Confederate
choir, VIII be features ef a social meet
Honolulu star-bulletin., 1914-11-27
BURIED ACTSARE BEST ONBILL
OFYAUDEVILLEA AT THE POPULAR

his work with that homely instrument
won him the hearty applause OF the
audience last night and called for a
number Of encores.
The Mysterious Jansen" who
closes the bill, has "a good line OF
mystery stuff but fails to get it over
right" Possibly he may do better
tonight, but at last nights perform
ance he took offense at the poor work
Of the orchestra and took his "peeve
cut on the audience. Jansen was per-
fectly justified in his attitude towards
the orchestra but his efforts to roast"
the audience showed very poor taSts
on the part Of a performer, nont
above the average, who is endeayor1ng
to give the public a dollars worth Of
entertainment.
Last night the audience apparently
assimilated some CT the peevishness
of Jansen and refused to enthuse over
his act. 1t would be a great improve
ment to the bill if the Duncan and
Jansen acts were reversed-the latter
closing,
One dollar is too high a price to
charge for the performance at the
Popular this week and it looks as
though an error has been made by
MCSSrS RredhOff and Flair in side
tracking their hirh-st.t,lr pictures Tor
mediocre vaudeville w. w.
Honolulu star-bulletin., 1914-11-27

Charles Klein wrote Maggie Pep
per- fer Rose Stahl, and the manner
III which Miss Oakley handled the
title role last night is beyond criti-
Cism. Miss Oakley is not called upon
to handle an emotional part to any
great extent, the lines fitting into a
more gO-as-yOu-please style, with a
dash and vim that is pleasing and
interesting. The entire play got
over" we'll.
There are many gripping scenes in
Maggie Pepper" the play is the tale
Of a New York shopgirl who aspires
for higher things after Is years of
work, and who sees her wishes graft
fed, only to become the victim of a
plot which eventually costs her her
position.
In Maggie Pepper" each member
Ct the company has work to do, and
there was not role last night, how
ever small. which was not handled in
a manner which predicts bright fu-
ture in Honolulu for the Players-and
the audiences. George Webb and Miss
Oakley received hearty welcomes
Honolulu star-bulletin., 1914-11-27

The Great Duncan" assisted by
Miss Maxine Hewitt, the mental mar
vel" is not the headliner on the vau-
deville program at the Popular the
after this Week-but he should be.
v lille another great" is cn the bill
the great Jansen-Duncan is the
greater" and, together with Senior
Sierra, Tie SailCr AlCft," he makes
the bill go over"
Duncan is billed as 'America'S fore
mCst hypnCtist" and it is safe gam
hle that he is as good as any in the
business. His work is cIean-Cut and
entertaining and he keeps the audi
enCe in en- U@rCar the entire time he
IS Oh the stage, while iIiss Hewitt,
under the control CT Duncan. performs
number cf wonderful mind-reading
featS. The act is entirely too good
tc be hurried" and by rights should
close" the bill George NJ Cohan
says Leave EN- all laughing when
you say good-bye" and Duncan does
it -
Senior Sierra has one of the most
thrilling aerial acts ever put on any
stage 2nyH here and, when it is con-
siderfd that he has crossed the half
CENTURY milestone. his WORK becomes
cv,N mere marvellous
1,.' Ee,u 'Ih' Tramp Mu>n.an.
is i wDuder with the harmonica, and
Honolulu star-bulletin., 1914-11-27

Maggie Pepper" made her local
debut at the Bijou -theater last night,
and the occasion Of her appearance
brought to Mr.. George Webb, Miss
Florence Oakley and the other mem
bers of the Players All-Star Company
an enthusiastic ovation from a large
audience Maggie Pepper" is a play,
Of course, and a very worthwhile one
The company which the management
has brought Ito Honolulu this time is
stronger in many ways than the one
which these popular thespians played
with here last year; this is undoubt-
,edly the opinion of those who saw the
opening performance lost night, in
spite of the absence of Miss lnez Ra-
gan and other favorites.
Honolulu star-bulletin., 1914-11-27

Several days will be spent in COM
pleting the discharge of 230O tons of
nitrates from the Japanese freighter
Anyo Maru. The vessel may be de-
spatched for the Far East about We'd
neSday.
Honolulu star-bulletin., 1914-11-27


ances and at the end Of the seconu
act the members Of the entire COM
pany were bedecked with leis.
Maggie Pepper" depicts the efforts
OF a shOpgirl to get somewhere In
the Holbrook department store Mag
gle Pepper Miss Oakley after /"
years Of work aSpires to the position
CT buyer for the house, but the air
castles which she has built crumble
suddenly when John Hargen Guy
Hitnerl. the manager, informs her
that he has another person for the pO-
st;On Seated in the stOCkrOOm. Mag
gle is at work when Joe HOlbrnOk
well played indeed by Mr.. Webb,
the young owner Of the store.
just returned from a trip to Eu-
rope, comes in and spends several
minutes in conversation with Maggie,
Maggie, not knowing that he is the
owner Of the store; takes him for an
applicant for the position, and some
terse humor is introduced. Then Mag
gle. who has ideas CT her own and
who is a thorough business woman,
grows serious, and tells Joe how she
thinks the store should he run. Short
ly after Maggie receives notification
Of her dismissal.
1t later develops that HoIbrook is
engaged to marry the niece of the
manager Of the store. Ethel Hargen
Miss Olga Cray. and it also devel-
OBS that it was the manager, and not
Holbrook, who discharged Maggie.
Maggie is not discharged, however,
but is given the position Of buyer by
HolbrCok.
1t is at this point in the play that
the plot develops and gradually works
to a climax. Holbrook's daily asso- !
Citations with Maggie arouse the jeal-
Cusy Of the managers niece, who con-
spires with her uncle to discharge |
Maggie. Maggie finally is discharged |
by the manager and takes up her |
residence in fiat with her niece,
Zaza Miss Helen Carew) whom she |
has rescued from relatives who de-
sire her to become a shoplifter or
worse.
James Darkin Jack Fraser), step
father of Zaza, comes to Maggie's
apartment at night and demands more
money from Maggie as pay for her
having the privilege of keeping the
girl. Holbrook, who has been in the
apartment in an intoxicated condition,
and who has insisted that Maggie
marry him, is concealed in another
room. Maggie had planned to go to
Europe and take with her Zaza and
the girls mother, Ada Darkin Miss
Bertha Dreicer), who would reform.
Darkin demands to know the where
abCuts Of his wife and daughter, and
goes in the room where Holbrook is i
concealed The two engage In fight
end Holhrook is shot
Holbrook becomes lost" for 10
days, as far as the newspapers are
concerned, hut finally is found by Mrs.
Thatcher miss Marie Van Tasel), the
drygoods store detective. With his en-
gagenent to Ethel fTargen broken,
Holbrook is left free, and the. consent
Of Maggie to marry him brings the
play to the expected climax
Pathos has but small part in
Maggie Pepper" humor creeping into
the majority of the lines AS Jake
Rothschild, the Jewish merchant,
Bert Chapman is good, and keeps
things moving by popping up at the
most unexpected moments.
Maggie Pepper" is well worth see
ing. and. according to George Webb's
curtain talk, the Players have many
mere plays of this type. some better,
he says, for Honolulu. H. d. &.
Honolulu star-bulletin., 1914-11-27
ANNOUNCEMENT.

F. K Lazarus will be at the Bishop
Park Auto Stand after Dec 1st. New
1915 Buick at taxi rates. Phone 1850.
ADV. q;
Honolulu star-bulletin., 1914-11-27

NOTE:-After the present engagement of the
Great Jansen Duncan Show, BLAIR'S GREATER
PHOTO PLAYS will present two photo-pays week
y. changing program Wednesday and Saturday.
Prices 10 70 - and 30 cents. Ladies' and Chldrens
Matinee Daily at 2:30 p. H. Prices 10, Is and -
cents The next edition of The PerilS of Pauline"
to be shown will be the fifth episode. Pathe Weekly
No. 81
Honolulu star-bulletin., 1914-11-27

Tie Oceanic liner Ventura. due n
the port NJn,.ay mn,nin', viii kr.n1
the next mail fIoIl the mainland