The Washington herald., 1914-04-20
Statesmen, Real and Near.
By FRED c. KELLY.

| senator moses r. Clapp wears a WASH
white vest and has a face as stern as a
savage. but he has a keen sense of hu-
NOR and goes in for quiet little practical
jokes. One day two old friends happen
ed TO meet in Clapp's Office and at once
they sat down to hold a little reunion.
| Well walk up town and-and look
around a Bit" suggested one.
! Which meant that they would set out
and buy each other A number OF drinks
with which TO fill in and cement the
chinks OF the renewed acquaintance.
Just a minute, Bill" said Clapp,
beckOning to one of the pair before they
started out. And when they had re-
| treated to far corner of the room for
confidential chat he told him
1T just occurred to me that YOU might
not have heard about old George there
going on the water wagon. Oh, yes, he
quit the stun and hasn't touched a drop
now for more than year and a half.
Fact is, he gets insuIted II anybody ever
mentions it. So you want to be careful
not to breathe a word about things to
drink or yOu'n make a lifelong enemy of
him"
Then TO the other man, a moment later.
Clapp said casually:
George, If you'll step into the private
Office here. I'll give you that letter you
wanted"
C.
he whispered:
Il just wanted to caution you not to
suggest any form OF alcoholic drink
ing while you're with Bill. Maybe you
haven't heard about it, but he swOre
on drinking seven or eight months
10. and II has been a hard struggle
for him to stick TO his good resOlU-
tors. II would be an awful thing. now
that he has practically won out, to
I.... h
YES: he was hitting il up pretty lively
there for a while. Well good luck
So the TWO wandered uptown, and
spent the afternoon looking in the
shop windows each fearing to speak
the thoughts that lay uppermost in
his mind.
Secretary Josephus Daniels has
violent aversion to divorce. He thinks
that when a man gets married he ought
to stick it Ou'. Whenever he sees the
word divorced" in the record OF a naval
officer up for promotion. Daniels shakes
his head dubioasly. and the mans record.
otherwise, has - be just that much bet
ter.
On the other hand. Daniels. as is well
known, is a great booster for matrimony
On several occasions since he has been
at the head of the Navy, he has shifted
an officer from or 2 vessel to another or
from boat to shore duty, to give him
an opportunity l" get married.
As one Of Daniels assistants remarked
one day:
If you keen IN trying to get the whole
Navy married. youll have TO expect
few divorces.
Raymond -. Pullman. Washington
newspaper man. was talking TO a foreign
diplomat who took himself rather seri-
ously, and who pronounced his words pc
cullarly. He had to ask the man to
repeat a word that he couldn't under
stand.
If YOU unde rstand Latin" observed
the foreigner hdughrily. you wouldn't
have TO ask ME to repeat that
II you understand English replied
rullman. with al the quiet courtesy he
could summon. Il wouldn't need TO Un-
derstand Latin"
Representative Percy f. Quln. of Mis-
sissipPi. lives in a section where mag
nolia trees are perhaps a little more nu-
merOus than they are anywhere else in
the country. il not in the entire world.
People have to cut them out almost as
they would weeds. So a few days ago
one of Quins constituents wrote him as
follows:
Please have the Agricultural Depart
ment at Washington city send me four
or five nice young magnolia trees. I
want them for the front yard"
Another constituent wrote Ouin asking
for tobacco seeds. And please he sure
To send me both varieties" he added
Quin wrote back and asked him what he
meant by both varieties.
Il want both chewing and smoking to-
haCCb' the man replied.
Judge Warren Gard, member of Con-
Eress from Ohio, always looks digniiled-
so much so that a colOred emplOye at
the Capitol remarked one day that Gard
looked to be utterly ''irreproaCha
However Gard Is not "irreproachabIe."
One can approach him with impunity.
and his seeming dignity isn't really there
at all He cracks quaint little jokes
whenever he feels like il. For example, |
one day young woman pranced by 4 |
group of men and women were Gard was
sitting. and she had her hair done up
in a Psyche knot.
What is a Psyche knott" somebody |
asked.
Its knot on nut" gravely replied |
Gard. without changing his calm, Judi |
cial expression.
Copyright 1914. by Fred c Kelly. All rights re-