Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1914-09-17
The New Fable of the TWO Philan-
thropic Native Sons Who Brought

The New Fable of the TWO Philan-
thropic Native Sons Who Brought
Home the Bacon.
Once there were two Home Boys
who sailed forth from struggling
Village in search of an irrational Fe-
male known as Dame Fortune.
When they had covered enough
Ground to be far away from the elder
ly Relations and no one could point
born they began to Deliver.
1t was a sad Jolt to the Walking
Vegetables back in the Stockade when
they heard, on Good Authority, that
Ezra and Bill were slamming it over
the Plate and batting above 400.
They simply wagged the ossifled
Domes and hoped the Boys were get
ting it Honestly.
Ezra and Bill, up among the inflam-
matory Posters and the nervous Elec-
trio Signs, kept on playing Tag with
the Sherman Act until they had it in
Coolies and Bundles and Bales and
Stacks
Finally, when they became so pros.
porous that they had to wear Shoes
specially made, with Holes in the top,
they began to be troubled with Tender
Recollections of Humble Birthplace.
Through the Haze of Intervening
Years they saw the Game of Two-Old-
Cat in the Vacant Lot back of the M.
L. Church and forgot all about sleep
ing III the refrigerated Attic and going
Wooden Pump.
They yearned to elbow out from
the Congested Traffic of the cold and
heartIess City and renew Sweet AS
sociations.
They wanted to wander once more
down the Avenues of Rhubarb and
clasp hands with Old Friends whose
simple Hearts averaged about IA
Throbs to the Minute
1t is the regulation Dream of every
Financial Yeggman to go back to his
Old Town wearing a Laurel Wreath
and have the School Children throw
Moss Roses in his Pathway.
So Ezra sent on a Proposition
He wanted to build Library at the
corner of Fifth and Main, thereby ma
king it easy for his old Neighbors to
read the Six Best Sellers without
plugging the Authors Game.
He offered to give 10000 bucks if
the Citizens would raise 5000 more
and maintain the Thing.
Ezra had not been in the Habit Of
reading anything except the Tape and
he cared about as much for George
Bernard Shaw as George Bernard
Shaw cared for him.
Nevertheless, he wanted to be re-
membered so Years hence as the Man
who built the Library and not as the
Guy who dealt from the Bottom of the
Deck, utilizing the Sleeve Device and
the Bosom Hold-Out.
By the use of Anaesthetics and For
ceps the 5000 was secured.
Then the Building was erected and
the only Criticism made was that the
Concern looked like a Barn and it was
arranged wrong inside and nobody
didn't want no Library nohow
When Ezra came down to the Dedi-
cation to face an outraged and tax
burdened People he was just as popu-
lar as Tonsolitis or Sciatica ever
dared to be-
Bill came back also.
He floated into Town one day and
appeared in Jimison's General Store
and called for a Good Cigar.
He told Mr.. Unison to take one
and called up the Boys around the
Stove and even those who were chew
ing were told to put 'em in their
Pockets and smoke 'em after while
When the Word got out that Bill
was Buying over at the Bee Hive rep
resentative Citizens came on the Jump
from the Harness Shop and the Under
taking Parlors and the Ellie Bowling
Alley.
Every Man that showed got Lot
tie Lee with a Band around it and
when Bill left on the $40 a Mob fol-
lowed him to the Train.
Ever after that the Word was freely
passed around that Bill was a Prince
MORAL-In scattering Seeds of
Kindness do it by Hand and not by
Machinery.