Fergus County Democrat., 1914-03-10
Luke Mcluke Saws

1NNS WNeOkC Gays
We would all be millionaires if we
were as much interested in our own
business as we are in that OF other
people.
Every middle-aged woman knows
that they don't make as good mirrors
nowadays as they did when she was
girl.
Every now and then you see girl
with ten-cent face who is wearing
ten-dollar hat.
The more relatives a man has the
more he likes strangers.
| may be mistaken about the Junk
they are wearing around their necks
these days, but it looks to me as if
girl can take the battenberg scarf
of the bedroom dresser and hang II
over her coat collar and be right in
style. Then she can pin two crocheted
doilies on the cuffs of her coat and
turn up her nose at the world.
Nothing ever goes to waste in this
world. They are using the old-fash-
ioned wooden pie plates for buttons
on women's winter coats.
When girl is sloppy she is hope
less. If her shoes are run over at
the heels you'll find that her hair is
struggling down her neck and her hat
looks as though the cat had used it
for bed.
that she can't read without glasses
can look at another woman on the
street and>tell whether the other wom-
ans union suit is made of cotton or
mixed cotton and silk.
The reason a girl doesn't like to
wear skirt that is too tight across
the hips is because a fish gets so
tired of swimming that it likes to
get into a net.
The old-fashioned woman who used
to drain the frying pans into a jar
and used the grease over and over
again for months now has daughter
who fries stuff with butter that costs
so cents pound and kicks about the
high cost of living.
A man will take drink himself
every now and then and think moth
ing of it. But as soon as he smells
booze on another mans breath he
loses confidence in him.
The Old-fashioned boy who used to
have to stay home after school and
hold skein of yarn on his hands
While his mother wound it into big
ball now has son who pays four
bits for his sOx and can run IS balls
at pool.
Some of these days we are going
to take month off and try and locate
the easy mark who makes all the
$4,000 wagers that a man can't walk
around the world in two years.
being an old maid is because she
knows she was born that way.
The man who can tell a good egg
and good canteloupe by looking at
them often selects bad wife.
A single man won't believe it. But
married man who has been out all
night killing a Chinaman would rather
say Good Morning, Judge" than
God Morning, Wife,
And it isn't often that a man has
sense enough to select an affinity who
mas the same colored lair as his wife.
we don't blame the women for
wanting to vote. Some of them have
finer mustaches than the fool men.
The groom is such an insignificant
animal at a wedding nowadays that
it is a wonder they don't make him
wear bridal veil.
When old Doctor Matrimony is
called in lovesickness is cured to stay
cured.
Every married man knows a mar
ried woman who is an ideal wife. But
she is usually married to some other
man.
Heaven will be a mighty cheerless
place for a reformer. There will be
no saloons to close and no fun to butt
into.
And now they propose to utilize eu-
genics to breed thoroughbred humans.
1t won't be long until a marriage no
tice will read: John Doe, blk h., %,
by Doe-Smith; to mary Roe, c. f., 21,
by Roe-Brown." Won't that be fine!
Maybe the reason why they wear
heavy skirts in cold weather is be-
cause they know the sun is mighty
weak In winter and wouldn't be much
account for silhouetting, anyway.
When girl gets a new hat every
one OF her chums has to wear it down.
town before she decides that it isn't
becoming to her.
Daughter swaps shirt-waist patterns
with the neighbors. Mother swaps
patterns for baby dresses and grand.
ma swaps patterns for house aprons.
man can always tell the time he
is at home because the clock on the
mantel is always either half an hour
fast or an hour and a half slow.