South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1914-02-06
STATESMEN
REAL AND NEAR
BY FRED c. KELLY.

was making speech one day and
telling with { eat many gestures ex-
actfy what this country needs.
After the speech was over the sem
ator met vice Pres. Marshall out in
the senator's private lobby lighting a
cigar
You overlooked the chief need OF
the country" remarked Marshall.
What's that?"
'The thing that seems 10 be need
ed most OF ALL" declared Marshall
putting thoughtfully, is d really good
scent cigar"
Rep julius Kahn of California
used to be an actor and once appear
ID in an elaborate scenic production
In which certain of the characters ap-
peared To sink down into the Internal
regions. BY means of a trap door and
plenty Of red fire the scene was made
the production was marred somewhat
by the fact that the trap door was
unusually small and the process OF
sinking into the regions Of fire and
birthstone could not be accomplished
with the facility and dispatch that
one associates with such a journey.
Kahn was even i'm those days a lit
when ii came his turn he stuck fast
in the trap door. He was obliged to
scramble back and abandon his plan,
rs he solemnly set forth in his lines,
Ito sink into eternal torment forever
and ever"
a young man in the upper balcony
who had been following the action of
the piece with a great deal of inter-
est. exclaimed:
Thank goodness. helps full"
Sen Henry f. Hollis of New Hamp-
shire. ran for governor of that state
when he was only 80 years old. He
does not look more than about 40
even now. and il is difficult to be-
lieve that he was gubernatorial can
didate more than 90 years ago. The
consequence Of this is that hardly a
week goes by without somebody walk
ing up TO Hollis and saying:
81 can remember of voting for your
dad for governor"
Whenever one hears a congressman
/ get up and talk for an hour about a
point of parliamentary law. one is
disposed To point with pride to the
admirable restraint and self-abnega-
ton Of Rep. Asher Kinds of Maine
and Rep. 5. D. FesS of Ohio.
Kinds and Fess probably know
more things that are so about par
liamentary law than any other two
members of the house-Hinds be-
/ cause Of his long service as parlia-
mentary clerk to the speaker. and
\ F'ess in consequence of having studied
/ the subject and taught it in colleges
I for years. Yet Kinds or Fess seldom,
+ if ever. say a word about parliament
/ airy law. So far as they are concern
ed. they are reconciled to have par
liamentary law seen but not heard.
1 They appear to have adopted Martha
Littleton's notion that parliamentary
law is an instrument to enable one
who knows nothing about a given
proposition to prevent one who does
know about it from getting anything
done.
Rep Henry w Temple, a first term
member from Pennsylvania, was pro-
1 fessor of history and political science
at Washington and jefferson college
at the time of his election to con
/ gress. Soon after his election he re-
! signed his job. But the college trus-
/ tees were more given TO precautions
than he. They thought of the un-
certainties of political life and felt
sorry for Temple. So they laid aside
his resignation and gave him leave
of absence until March 4. 1915.
Rep. Ira Copley of Illinois tells this
little joke on himself. In one of his
campaigns, Copley used for purposes
of Illustration in his arguments
against low tariff. a personal expert
ence in buying plates.
Il had occasion TO buy a dozen
china plates for 81 wedding present $"
stated COpley, land they cost 50 each.
Now. when | was down in Panama
found I could buy those same plates
from the government for about 60
cents apiece What is the answer :?
Not the tariff. because the tariff on
those plates was only couple of dol
lars a dozen. The Inference was due
TO our expensive II hOds of distribu-
ton. | can show yvd-'
At that point he was interrupted by
a man in the audience with bushy red
whiskers.
I'D like to ask a question" said
the man. with great politeness.
Certainly" said the genial and
urbane Copley.
1.-The thing | desire to know" ex-
planned the man. is this: What. pos
sible interest can / have in plates
costing So apiece. when the price of
foOdstuffs is so high that after buying
plate | would have nothing to put
on it?"
KEEP. Samuel T.. NlnSlOW Of MaSSa-
chusetts went to England a few
months ago and spent some time
studying the British parliament at
close range
Immediately on his return a news
paper man rushed to him to ask if he
couldn't make an analytical compari-
son of the house of commons and the
house of representatives. Winslow
wrinkled his face up learnedly and
spoke as follows:
The two houses are "A good deal
alike. The members there swagger in
just as nOnchalently as they do here
and have much the same bnack al
paying no attention to what is going
on. About the only great fundament-
al difference between the two lower
houses that / could discover after a
great deal OF thought and study was
that IN the house Of commons they
have more cuspidOrs."
Copyright. 1914, by Fred c. Kelly
All rights reserved
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