The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1914-02-15

ton in this country-a law for every four
miles of tract, some one said-that they
are worth printing in full:
| 10 the hrSt Tlacr . scutlensn named Mr.. Lo'ns
Bnndeis served injunction the conductor for
taking rciucsd excursion fzres and that delayed US
some.
Then the Interstate Commerce Commission called
| the engineer an ~ give testimony as 10 what his
| duties srrc
After that the fireman WAS ordered to quit By his
/, union.
Then Commissioner Prl,y sldstrackod US to make
a physical valuation q the locomotive and kyars.
We running along when = North Carolina
| sheriff boarded = TO sec IL We had any bIuor-and
| We had.
Next an officer II the bureau Of public health got
aboard to II drinking 6a1t of a c'mmou
drinking cup and found-uS all drinking out Of the
| same flask
II looked like We were out Of the woods. when
sume State commission other halted to nvesti-
gate whether the twoCents mile fare las was icing
Observed
Then ". ran afouI q a State Law requiring train,
| To be on time
And when We bumped it up a bit to make UP our
schedule jay town constable arrested Us for ex-
oee,iing the speed limit
The president of the road aboard and ne had
to stop while Re hin= servcd with bill a rar
| tfculars by the Department Of Justice in a suit
| brought under the sherman anti law.
When We got to CulIerer. Va. Oruey HAnsbroush
sopTed the train and insisted shaking hands with
the Chief
A remark that the last reason was
about as sensible as all the rest must
have been made by a prejudiced observe
At any rate. the crowd around the tables
was still buzzing in laughing comment
when the alert eye of President Walker
discovered 4 glow of red fire i'm the gal
lery. Thercupon the fire chief shouted
through his trumpet and a gallant band
sprang up the ladder. rescuing many
things. including Martha Washington's
will. The fact that the fire apparently
gained Roadway did not disturb the
chief THE policy Of this department. -
he declared, lis watchful waiting. II
you wait long enough the fire will put
Itself out"
Which phiIosophic remark. for all that
you know about il, might have had a
double meaning.
Interspersed between the speeches were
some good topical songs. One OF them.
sung by member who was dressed
in naval uniform. and who was
introduced as Representative Hobson,
stranger among congressman, told how
but adding that only
There's a seat in the heart Of the Senate
There's a scat that bslUugs to me-
" thunder should strike Underwood
There might be some hope for me.
Another song was parody on the we'll
known melody about apple blossom time
In Normandy, and was sung with appro-
pirate expression by member possess
ing a rich and sympathetic barytone
voice. II had this chorus:
When it's otHce holding time in Washington. =
want to come to Washington.
I'D leave my happy home for you,
Dear Uncle sam.
When they put me the job I'm Washington
Ill learn thing or two:
And prumisc not TO do thing,
Civil Service. to YOU.
The touch of sarcasm In the last two
lines seemed to strike responsive chord.
Grape Juice Versus Beer.
In one little humorous stunt DIR. Har-
vey W. Wiley. of pure food fame. ap-
peared personally. Introduced by a MEM
Der of the club, he was asked to de-
termine which had the most alcohol.
grape juice or beer. Conserving to make
chemical experiment in the presence
of the guests, he walked over to the
seat of the German Ambassador and
picked up a stein of beer Then he went
over to where Secretary Bryan should
have been and brought away a glass of
grape juice.
with much show of preparation he be-
gan his Representation. He dropped
something into test tube filled with
beer and nothing resulted.
mo alcohol there" he asserted.
But when something was dropped into
the grape Juice the liquid blazed up with
a great yellow flame.
Hint to Congrcssmcn.
There was also touch of humor in
twelve-iine song which gave a hint to
Congressman concerning way to make
little money on the side. The song was
rendered by a quartet and made a dis
tinct hit The words were as follows:
The manager said to the Congressman.
In q maasasr's ter1ptins way: s,st
IF you win jcil Chsutsuqua show
I think We could make It pay.