Newark evening star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1909-1916, 1914-08-05
In Landof Jokedom

Jones had just run over to see Il
Mr. and Mrs Blank would go to the
theatre. Blank was out. Probably
he was at the club. Mrs Blank
would telephone. The following con-
versation ensued: "Hulloal Is this
the - Club2 Is my husband
there? Hulloal Not there? Well.
all right then: but hold ON. How
| do you know I haven't even told
my name" There amt nobody's
husband here-never,'' was the wise
attendants reply.
Airsl" exclaimed the proud mother,
and shook her head vigorously MY
Elsie, for all her learning. hasn't any
more airs, so to speak, than her poor
old dad"
'Then she won't turn up her nose
at her old friends?" queried the vizi-
| tor.
ia, nor
How refreshing. Most girls who
go through college nowadays win
hardly look at you after they're
graduated
that's all l can say" retorted Elsie's
ma. shes become a carnivorous
reader, of course, and she fire.
quently importunates music But
stuck up-my Elsie2 Not bit She's
unanimous to everybody, has a most
infantile vocabulary, and. what's
more. never keeps caller waiting
while she dresses up. No. she just
runs down, nom de plume, as she is.
A prominent Virginian had died
l. 49, 1.a NJ n I'm he
house for the funeral had gone al
most to an extreme in placing palms
and ferns and plants in the drawing
room-in fact, 1t had more the an
pearance of a wedding than fun
eral. One of the old darkies came
10 pay his last respects.
Miss Mae" he said, dis surely n
fine, all desc here trees; but, Miss
Mae. where is you going to put your
pa?"
Little Jaek-Mamma, please give
me another lump of sugar for my
coffee. / dropped the other one
Mamma-well here's another, but
where did you drop the first one7
Little Jack-In my coffee.-Ex-
change.
A preacher was describing the Bad
Place to a congregation OF she'll
backs
"shipmates." he said. you've seer
the molten iron come running out OF
the furnace. haven't you2 1t comes
out while hot, sizzling and kissing
like some kind Of snaky. horrible
monster. Well, shipmates-
The preacher pointed his forennger
at the awed shellbacks.
Well shipmates," he said. solemn
ly, they use that stuff for ice cream
in hell"
Congressman Ellsworth r. Bath
rick, of Ohio, Joined In when the talk
turned to savage dogs. He said he
was reminded Of a party named
Smith.
Some time ago Smith and friend
were discussing the dog question
when the friend remarked that the
most vicious dog might be utterly
subdued merely by a person sitting
down and staring at him.
fright you are. old pal" was the
ready response. Il know, for / once
tried il on. Dog was coming at me
at the rate of mile minute, and
an that l did was to sit down and
stare at him"
Il am glad to hear you say that.
responded the friend. 1T is a con-
frmation Of what science has always
maintained"
yes, old fellow" grinned Smith.
but should have added that when
sat down l chose the top limb Of
e0-foot tree. "
| A man was arrested on the charge
Of robbing another OF his watch and
chain. 1t was claimed that he had
thrown a bag over his victims head
strangled and robbed him. There was
! SO little evidence however, that the
| Judge quickly said,
Discharged"
The prisoner stood stin in the dock.
amazed at being given his freedom so
| soon.
you're discharged" repeated the
| Judge. you can go. You're free
Still no move from the prisoner. wh9
stood staring at the Judge.
Don't you understand You have
been acquitted Get QUIT" shouted
the judge.
| We'll" stammered the man. 90 4
have to give him back his watch aud
: chain7"