The farmer and mechanic. [volume] (Raleigh, N.C.) 18??-19??, 1914-03-10
(An article written by Samuel G..
Blythe in his department., Who's
Who-and Why in tho Saturday
Evening PoSt,)

James Russell Lowell once Sapient-
~ remarked:
"There[is no good arguing with the
inevitable The only argument avail
able with an east wind is to put on
your o~vercoat"
Had the esteemed Mir. Lowell known
d certain party in the SiXty-third on
gress, which is the number OF The II
at present perched on the hands of
Mr.. WllSon-on MS neck, or his back.
and on such other roosting places as
Congress, having the roosting tend
encI developed 10 an almost abnormal
degree, so to speak can infeSt-Nr.
Lowell would ave revised his pro
nounciamento to read as follows:
There is no good in arguing with
the inevitable. The only argument
available with Claud kitchin is to
put on your ear-muffs."
y Inspirations person is kitChln.
prone TO present his side Of the case
on all OCCASIONS; and no case was ever
known or imagined wherein or where
at there was not q distinctly kitchin
side; tor he has pronounced views on
all subjects of human information and
p~rOnOunceS those views either with or
without permission. as the case may
be-but always prOnOunces them.
OF course he is not arrogant about
I it or supercilious. All he does, when
q subject comes up for consideration.
is TO say:
MY dear sir. You are entirely
wrong. AS a matter OF fact. the stu
alton is exactly the reverse. As you
stated this proposition YOU alleSe that
the sum total of two and two is four.
Now. as | shall show you-seeking as
best | may to conceal my infinite pity
for your fathotnless ignorance of the
matter III hand-the sum OF two and
two is not four. The sum of two and
two, sir, is five"
Well you concede, in order to
maintain peace even at the price OF
arithmetic, 'let it go at that. The
sam OF Two and VT is-as 9 SO il
luminatingly state-five.'
"Wrong!' Kitchin will shout. q
am amazed at the feebleness and FIJI.
tility OF your reasoning. Have YOU ne
/ mental processes worthy OF the name
I Does logic make no appeal to YOU
t Is your mind 50 benighted, turbid, ob
nubilated, obfuscated and iVperscuta
C BILE as not to conprehendth simpf
truth of the statement that the sun
OF two and two is three? And, .siI
having made this assertion, and de
spite your cOWardly attempt to escap
5 the consequence Of ycur rash Surren
der wherein you sought to agree wit
8 q mere tentative proposition Of mine
h | am now prepared to argue and sha.
S insist on SO arguing this matter wit
n you><O a logical conclusion, and shO'
. you the error into which you hay
. fallen"
IS There is no escape. Wheneve
Claude Kitchin happens along ther
d must be an argument, else Claude Wi
a not be happy. There was that tim
1. when he was walking on Pe%nnsylyani
e Avenue with Senator Ollie Jane
lie who, merely for the purpose Of NAH
g. ing conversation said in a casual way
l. This is a mighty fine Havana ciga
| am snnoking.'
le 'What's that?" asked Kitchin, VIII
ST 2 bored TO death because the Ser
q ator had said nothing previously ths
[ gave him a chance for q dispute.
% & merely remarked that Ibis is
Is nAhty fine Havana cigar [ am slnol
at ing repeated II Senator, KNOWN
i what was coming and casting an ey
y. backward to see whether q street c;
rs was conveniently at hand,
&c THAT u Havana cigar" eHclairle
IS. Kitchin Why, my dear Senator,
ld am amazed Let me divide that stat
OF ment of yours into its cOnponel
n parts. First, You have q cigar: SCI
III Ond, YOU are smoking II: third. 1t is
fine cigar. For the purposes Of arS'
he nent | shall admit nos three post1
OF lstes To be reasonably correct. Mo-
al then, we come to the most inlpoTta1
CT Of your assertions. Whicn lS-tO-Wlt-
hE that the fine cigar YOU are smoking
rs q Havana clSar. HoW 90 you kno
ne it i u Havana cigar:
."i well" the Senator replied. :
OF tastes like one: il looks like one; ~
'oI the man Il sold i1 to nae said it "
and he took it II Of a box that sd
-, toe.
a. I.itrilin threw up his hands.
- How futile are your contentious
nc said. "In the first place, You s.
-, it tastes like one. Allow ne to cs
vour attention to the physiolo2iC
fact that of all the organ of sensib
ity the tongue is most decepti,
10 T72et" IL q relative mater, depend,
- On hc whin Of he mind. i You, Wi
- your great mind, should rot thin
~ that you are smoking 1 cigar. but tn
You are eating an onion. you Won
taste the onion-aot the smoke. Sc
only, goa refer TO the object you Ia
III your mouth as looking like q Fl
yara cigar. when YOU we'll know TT
the eye rarely convex the exact II
: \ preston to the broin-tEe senSo