The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-02-08

II Tommy Savin,' said Mr.. Dooley. :.
Who is he? Do l know him ?"
asked Mr.. Hennessy
:" Sure ye do said Mr. Dooey. Hes that
red headed boy that used to play third base on
tn brothers school nine. But now he's sicrety
iv tn embassy iv tn United States iv America
to TIL rile coort iv Poosylanya, no less. He is
that. He won tn appintment on his merits, f'r
he's TIL best tango dancer west v Hasted sthreet
an he was thryin to get seat in tn ligislachure
away firm O'Brien's son-in-law Barrin' an in
come firm father, there's no surer path to dip
lomatic thin to want a good job at home
that somebody else is holdin' It's sthrange how
often vaultin' ambition fr an infeeryor office
will land in something betther | wanst
knew iv a fellow that got to be sicrety v the
navy because he wanted to be congressman
firm Massachusetts.
"Who's tn ambassadure? says he. Why, our
frind Pickles Schwartzkop, that hardened old
Dimmycrat who refused to wear a necktie be-
he said it badge iv sarvichood
Nanny people used to call Pickles arnychst
because he spoke so harsh about tn crowned
heads iv Europe. An no wan iver thought iv
him liver bowin' his head in re coort, although
he's great expert at sourn tn cucumber an
his name is household wurrud wheriver ketch-
up is used But he niver knew nawthin' about
pollyticks an he nachrally become an original
Wilson man. TIL family had him watched f'r
other signs iv insanity up to tn time iv TIL con-
vintion, an thin tn docks stopped holdin' light
to his eyes an testin' his knee Jerk, an he
become great statesman, an aven O'Brien wint
around to see him. Afther tn iliction Dock Will
son snt fir him an said it was his desire to put
lithry men in TIL diplomatic corps an he'd been
readin' Schwartzkop's advertsin' matter an ad-
mired it gr-reatly an wud like him to pick out
place FIR himsilf abroad. Pickles was modest an
on'y asst to be minister to Germany, but whin it
pinted out to him that tn German mpror
had socyal objections to atm at TIL same table
with his former subjicks he consinted to be
hitched to the vacant post at Poosylanya an
there he is now, upholdin tn honor v tn flag,
while Tommy Slavin keeps alive TIL best thradi-
tons iv our thurkey throt
"Annyhow. here's tn letter: Carey Miguel
(Which makes " Dear Mike "): Me an his ixcil-
lincy arrived here safe las week Poosylanya is
not as large counthry OBrien riprisinted it
to me. To tell tn thruth, it's that small that if
tn iniyneer iv TIL thrain hadn't put on th' emar-
gency brakes at tn borders we wud've gone
through it befure we cud stop. Th' principal
INDUSTRIES are market gardenin brewn, th'
ARMY, TIL govermint, an tn tailor who makes
tn UNIFORMS. It's what is known over here as
buffer state, because it is placed between two
gr-reat powers that are always threatenin to
clinch. Nachrally it's been squeezed down ontil
now whin they put it in map they have to use
tattoon' needle
g. Th monarch iv this domain, which stretches
as far as tn eye can see is his majesty King
Charleymange tn Forty fifth, splendid figure
iv man. measurin' at Taste five be wan He's
tn last v his race, an whin he kicks out til
people will have to go shoppn fir king in
Denmark, where they have hand me down