davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Mrs. Grundy. (Tracy City, Tenn.) 1903-1930, 1914-01-15
WOULD HAVE THEM HANDY
Married Mans Explanation Of Large
Order Will Be Understood by
Many Similar Unfortunates.

A brisk individual with the accumu-
lated look of 20 winters of married life
entered hardware shop and without
waiting for preliminaries asked
do you keep hammers here?"
THAT Is our specially, sir"
Put me down for dozen. How
about screwdrivers
Our great feature. Patent reversi-
BILE or plain edge2"
Give me dozen of each; IL you
have any other varieties I'll take EN-,
too. How about gimlets?"
You are now mentioning our pet
product. All styles"
Give me all styles-long, short, me-
dunn, thick, thin, from the size of a
needle to pickax. Sawe?"
"Of every description"
'I'll take 'em-say half dozen or
so-cross-cut, plain, round and square. "
'It's down, sir. Can interest you in
nails?"
you can indeed. I'll take some of
all that you have, put up in separate
pdChdBCb, dloO IdShs, uidust SClGWp,
rivets, staples And l
want hooks, every hook you have, big
and little. Also"
The clerk leaned forward.
Pardon me, SIR he said. you
seem like a sensible person. Unless
you are opening up business, am
at loss to understand your require
ments."
ut is perfectly simple, sir" said the
brisk person. Il have been married
for 81 years, and not once since the
ceremony have l been able to locate a
single implement when | wanted to
put up calendar or do any other nee
essary thing about the house, and the
next time there is need of anything
done | am going so far as human fore.
sight can provide for it, to have the
means instantly to put my impulse In
to play."-Life.
Mrs. Grundy. (Tracy City, Tenn.) 1903-1930, 1914-01-15

London cabbies are still race to
themselves, and far more at ease in
the presence of their "betters" than
most others of the English working
classes. And the Edinburgh newsboy,
what a delightful creature he is? He
could sell newspapers in Boston, New
York or Philadelphia and ask no odds
of the native newsies. 1t is thus
through all grades of Scottish work
ing folk, except, perhaps, those who
directly minister to the immediate
needs of the public, such as walters,
and they often seem to be other
Scotchmen. The Scotch seem to be
especially skilled in certain trades.
They are excellent masons, for exam
pie, and for many years they have
gone back and forth between Scotland
and New York plying their trade at
the high American wages when bust
ness is brisk during spring, summer
and fall, and returning to winter at
home. They catch the American pace
more quickly than most immigrants,
and they have the physical strength
to handle American tools, something
that the southern European skilled
mechanic does not always have, with
the result that he sometimes finds
himself In the land of his adoption re-
duced to the ranks Of the unskille6
laborer.
Mrs. Grundy. (Tracy City, Tenn.) 1903-1930, 1914-01-15
SCOTS DEMOCRATIC
Much More So Than English
Brother Across Border.
Sturdy SeIf-Assertion Of the Edinburgh
Cabby In Marked Contrast to HE
Kin in London-Are Skilled
in Many Trades.

Edinburgh. One has only to
cross the English border 60
ing northward to realize that
Scotland is far more democratic
country than England. Who shall say
why land that venerates an old and
proud aristocracy should have among
its common people a sturdy democrat
ic self-respect? Perhaps Scottish
democracy owes something to the
lands having lacked for more than
three centuries a resident king, For
much of that time also 1t has had
reading and thinking peasantry. The
Scotch were stubbornly true to the
Sturat cause, but perhaps If their ma
tive royal family had been resident
in Scotland when James IL. was driven
from the throne the two Pretenders
would have found fewer friends to
aid them in their vain invasions. Rob
ert Burns, also, has long been q
strong democratic influence in Scot
land, as by far the greatest British
poet of unmixed peasant blood
Whatever the causes that lie be-
hind the peculiar spirit of the Scot
fish common folk, the American trav-
eler who is sympathetic with democ-
racy feels it in the atmosphere as
soon as he sets foot within the coun-
try. There is look in the eyes of
the Scottish workman, skilled or UNI
skilled. that is not commonly seen in
his English brother. It is easy to de-
tect the greater poverty of the rural
Scot after one leaves the English lake
country, with its simple and homely
comfort for all and its rich fields Of
grass and grain, its fat horses and
cattle, it's walled and empowered
farmsteads, its air of well-peopled
country and a well-housed population
In spite of comparatively rich valleys
In the lowlands of Scotland, the coun-
try is manifestly not so rewarding to
the toll of the farmer as the region 100
miles further south. Many of the farm
steads are without trees or shrubs, and
unadorned with flowers, while the
larger fields indicate sparser popula-
ton. The hills, beautiful though they
are, take on a bleak aspect beneath
clouded skies and country folks are
less comfortably clad than those of ru-
raj England.
When one reaches Edinburgh the
early impression is confirmed Of peo-
pie less materially well of, but more
| -
England. Your cabby at Edinburgh is
more man and brother and less a
servant than he Of London, though the
Mrs. Grundy. (Tracy City, Tenn.) 1903-1930, 1914-01-15
Tea From Coffee Leaves.

Tea, as everybody knows, is made
from leaves. while coffee Is derived
from berries or beans. Just here Is
where something has been overlooked,
in the opinion OF scientific investi-
gator. The leaves Of the coffee plant
are not only available for making a
beverage, but they possess properties
which make them more valuable than
the coffee beans.
In appearance and fragrance the
dried coffee leaves very much resem-
BILE those of the tea plant. An infu.
sion OF them being made, just as in
the case OF ordinary tea. an aromatic
beverage is produced that is bitter to
the taste, but not disagreeably so, and
which contains almost as much theme
as real tea, while there is a much
smaller proportion Of tannin.
1t may yet be possible to grow tea
and coffee on the same plant.
Mrs. Grundy. (Tracy City, Tenn.) 1903-1930, 1914-01-15
NOT HARD TO SATISFY HIM
Many viii See a Peculiar Reason for
Seemingly Modest Request Made
by the Jew.

A p NJ G. reader sends us the fol
lowing little story-certainly one OF
the best OF its kind,
To the great god Buddha came the
representatives of the Catholic, Prot
estant and Jewish religions, to pay
him homage. Buddha, very battered
told each of them that II they would
express a wish, it would be fulfilled,
What do you wish" he asked the
Catholic.
The answer was SGlory'
You shall have it, said Buddha
and turning to the Protestant, What
do you WISH"
Money"
You shall have It,"
And you?" This to the Jew.
u do not want much" quoth he
give me the Professionals address! -
Pail Mall Gazette,
Mrs. Grundy. (Tracy City, Tenn.) 1903-1930, 1914-01-15
HAD "THE GOODS" ON GERALD
Little Sister, After the Manner Of
Her Sex, Was an Eager Witness
Against Small Brother.

Geraldine was meaning patient,
and her twin brother as physician-in-
chief was dosing her to their SUI
preme delight, when their mother
CHANGED to observe them. Being Il
Christian Scientist, she told them
that they must not play sick"-they
must play pleasant games.
A few days later Geraldine ran to
her mother, shocked and Mortified,
exclaiming: Mother, Gerald said an
awful bad world"
The mother turned toward the boy
who had sulkily followed his sister,
and who now sturdily declared;
81 didn't
Yes, he did, too" protested the
girl, dropping her voice TO a Sc
pulchral whisper, He said Doc
tor"
Mrs. Grundy. (Tracy City, Tenn.) 1903-1930, 1914-01-15
Something Lacking.

Mrs. Murphy labored in the hot sun
over her washtubs while MIR, Murphy
sat on the woodpile and gazed into
space, His inactivity finally became
more than Mrs, Murphy could bear
at least, in silence
why don't you climb down off'n
that woodpile and help me with these
clothes?" she inquired in no gentle
tone.
MIR. Murphy slowly shifted his gaze
and directed 1t upon his laborins
spouse, why, Mary Ann, can't you
see I'm busy" he drawled,
Busy snapped Mrs. Murphy
What doin'?"
why, I'm thinkin', Mary Ann"
"Thinkin'?" she repeated. with
what?'
Mrs. Grundy. (Tracy City, Tenn.) 1903-1930, 1914-01-15
With All That Was in Him.

Nose was hodcarrier, black as tar
bandy-legged and glad OF 1t, He was
relating to some white men on the rear
of car the results of fight he re
Gently had INDUCED in.
Dat niger tole me to keep muh
hans often dat pile Of sewer pipe" he
said, but de boss done tole me to
fetch EN- In, an suttinly were gonter
fetch EN-. So de big coon ups and
takes hol' of muh aim and says, mig
gah, beat it, he says"
Did you beat it," came sympathet-
ically from listener.
Did All beat it? Co'se All didn',
All jes raped dat coon on de jaw"
Did you hit him hard?" was an
other desultory question from the
white men.
Hit i'm ha'hd? Man, | ies' nacher.
ly put everything in dat lick Gawd
Almighty evan did gimme"
1t was agreed that it was some
blow.
Mrs. Grundy. (Tracy City, Tenn.) 1903-1930, 1914-01-15
Plain Prophecy.

What did the doctor tell you today
about old Uncle Jake's condition."
"de was telling US that his mean
temperature was"
Telling you about his near tenn
perature, was he? That's no news.
Everybody who knows Uncle Jake
knows that he hasn't anything about
him that isn't mean" -
Mrs. Grundy. (Tracy City, Tenn.) 1903-1930, 1914-01-15
Slow to Realize.

my dear" said Mr.. Bickers to his
wife, a saw in the papers today de-
cision Of Virginia court that the wife
may, in some cases, be the head of the
family"
John Henry" replied Mrs. Bickers,
"the courts are sometimes very slow in
finding out things Puck.
Mrs. Grundy. (Tracy City, Tenn.) 1903-1930, 1914-01-15
Upper Cut.

Mrs. French Vanderbilt, at lunch
con at Harbourviewe, her beautiful
Newport villa, said of the nouveaux
riches of Gotham:
These people form, undoubtedly, a
very splendid and ornate society--but
1t Is a social upper crust based ex-
clusively, as it were, on the financial
dough beneath"
Mrs. Grundy. (Tracy City, Tenn.) 1903-1930, 1914-01-15
Elxlna the Blame.

''Auntie, when you were young girl
were you very, pretty?"
Yes, my child, very pretty"
Were you popular?"
"Oh, yes, very popular, ] was the
belle OF the neighborhood."
Didn't any young men ever come to
call on your"
"Oh, yes, my dear Lots Of them"
Then, auntie why is Is that you
never married."
Nobody ever proposed to me, my
dear"
why not?'
Il don't know But I've often thought
1t must have been the high cost of liv-
ing that scared the young men off in
those days. Detroit Free Press.
Mrs. Grundy. (Tracy City, Tenn.) 1903-1930, 1914-01-15
OF Contradictory Wcioht,

What does you understan' by cir
cumstantial evidence%" asked Miss
Miami Brown.
las near as / kin splain it, FUN de
way 1t has been splained to me-" an
swered Erasmus Pinkley, ''circum-
stantial evidence is de feathers dat
you leaves lynn round after you has
done ct de chicken"
Mrs. Grundy. (Tracy City, Tenn.) 1903-1930, 1914-01-15
Forgiven.

The priests had warned Pat mum
Der of times Of the probable conse
quence of his Incorporate habits and
as many times had secured the Irish
mans promise to reform.
Finding Pat drunk one day, the rev
erend gentleman began his customary
rebuke by expressing his sorrow al
finding Pat once more in the condition
Are you really sorry?" asked Pat
ITO be sure | am" responded the
priest.
We'll, then" replied Pat, "if you're
sure you're sorry, then I'll forgive
you"
Mrs. Grundy. (Tracy City, Tenn.) 1903-1930, 1914-01-15
Recresnt Auditor.

you went to sleep during your
wife's speech"
yes" replied Mr. Meekton. Hen
rietta has been rehearsing that speech
for a week. told her | had better
not come here. knew something like
this would happen If she couldn't shout
Are you listening, Leonidae?' every
now and then"
Mrs. Grundy. (Tracy City, Tenn.) 1903-1930, 1914-01-15
A Marvellous lInoulst.

"Dobbs will never let himself be
downed by anything"
For instance?'
HE was reading newspaper out
loud the other day and when he came
to pied line he translated it without
a moments hesitation
Mrs. Grundy. (Tracy City, Tenn.) 1903-1930, 1914-01-15
Sensible Realization.

Quinn-Where is the young poet
these days?
De Fonte-Doing well. Always has
a dollar and wears a new suit. He's
realized something.
Quinn - Sold some OF his poems,
Ell?
DeFonte--No, realized that he 10
not a poet and got a job as book.
keeper.
Mrs. Grundy. (Tracy City, Tenn.) 1903-1930, 1914-01-15
Notifications,

"Your speeches indicate that your
views have changed"
mot exactly. My constituents
views have changed, and / am keep
ing In touch with the wisdom OF the
plain people
Mrs. Grundy. (Tracy City, Tenn.) 1903-1930, 1914-01-15
All La Fish in the Net.

Catch anything while you were
away on your vacation"
Sure, did. 1t weighed % pounds.
You catch anything"
"Nh-huh told you would. She
weighs 100 and her dads worth half
of a street railway company, an cleo
trio lighting plant and two brewer
les"
Mrs. Grundy. (Tracy City, Tenn.) 1903-1930, 1914-01-15
Cranky Speeders.

TIark-Ever notice these motorists
winding up their machines In front?
Every auto must carry a crank. e..
Bjenks-Yes, from the way some
motorists yell at pedestrians some
autos must carry two or three
cranks
Mrs. Grundy. (Tracy City, Tenn.) 1903-1930, 1914-01-15
HEADING Him OF.

Heaven lies about us in our in
fancy Now"
so does our father Were you go
ing to tell me something smart that
your little boy had said?'
"All | have to say to you, sir, is
good-dayt"
Mrs. Grundy. (Tracy City, Tenn.) 1903-1930, 1914-01-15
RUB-MY-TtSM

VIII cure your Rheumatism and all
kinds of aches and pains-Neuralgia,
Cramps, Collie, Sprains, Bruises, Cuts;
Old Sores, Burns, etc. AntisePtic
Anodyne. Price 25c.-Adv.
Mrs. Grundy. (Tracy City, Tenn.) 1903-1930, 1914-01-15
He Got II.

1.-THE doctor told Hobbs that he
must take longer rest, so he bought
himself a racing automobile"
did that bring him rest?"
"Oh, yes. He's in a nice, quiet hos
pitsl for TIRES months now"
Mrs. Grundy. (Tracy City, Tenn.) 1903-1930, 1914-01-15
uncompllmentary.

Hicks-Your wife has no sense OF
humor ".'' "-'
WicRs--You never saw her. How
90 yorl know
Hlcks-Shc married you.
Mrs. Grundy. (Tracy City, Tenn.) 1903-1930, 1914-01-15

Nowvillage, N. 1.-THE constable
locked burglar in box car. Next
morning prisoner WIS gone, leaving
this note: Next time be sure there's
only one way out"
Mrs. Grundy. (Tracy City, Tenn.) 1903-1930, 1914-01-15
Pale. Emaclated Children

frequently suffer from worms. The
old reliable remedy, Frey's Vermifuge
given on an empty stomach expels the
worms and soon restores the child to
rudy health. 25c. at all dealers.--Adv.
Mrs. Grundy. (Tracy City, Tenn.) 1903-1930, 1914-01-15
Invents New Kind OF Bomb,

Dresden, Germany-A bomb which
produced stupification has been in.
vented by a Prussian woman, Ida
Boehm. Gas from a single bomb has
thrown several hundred men into an
eight-hour sleep, it is claimed.
Mrs. Grundy. (Tracy City, Tenn.) 1903-1930, 1914-01-15
COLDS & LaGRIPPE

or doses 666 will break any case
of Chills & Fever, Colds & LaGrippe;
it acts on the liver better than Gallo
mel and does not grippe or sicken.
Price 25c.-Adv.
Mrs. Grundy. (Tracy City, Tenn.) 1903-1930, 1914-01-15
A Good One.

81 just pulled pretty good one,
said the first cop.
What dye mean"
ooh. arrested that minister"
Mrs. Grundy. (Tracy City, Tenn.) 1903-1930, 1914-01-15

airs. Winslow's Soothing Syrup for Children
teething, softens the gums, reduces infamma.
ton allays pain cures wind collie sc botsle.kds
Mrs. Grundy. (Tracy City, Tenn.) 1903-1930, 1914-01-15

A simple remedy against coughs and all
throat irritations are Deans Mentholated
Cough Drops-5c at all good Druggists.
Mrs. Grundy. (Tracy City, Tenn.) 1903-1930, 1914-01-15

Some people never forgive until they
break into n padded cell
The Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1???-1928, 1914-03-29
Just Off the Big Time

Lyric theatre Sunday afternoon
when Eden Comes ana Dead Men
Live again
john Brooks, Of Marion, Ill, was
an Anna visitor this week.
City Attorney j. e, n. Edwards is
in Chicago this week on business.
The cate fer the public hearing
on the new paving ordinance has
been get for April 9th at 10 a. NJ.
Mrs. Robert Norris ana daughter
Dorothy. who have been visiting Mr..
Ncrris' parents, Mr.. and Mrs. Jas
Norris of This city left Sunday for
Paris, H., where they viii spend
few weeks visiting friends before re-
turning to their home in Duluth.
Mimi.
Mrs. S. n. Nelms of Redland, Cal,
is visiting her sister Mrs. John II.
Green of this city.
The Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1???-1928, 1914-03-29
ANNA

Miss Carrie Lee Shaddrick, OF
robinson, ILL.,, is the guest of her
onsin, Mrs. Claude llunsakcr Of
this citt.
L. VI. Norris who recently pur-
,hased the and 10 cent store of
W. II. Taylor has moved into the
house vacated by Mr.. Taylor on
Main street.
The room which was vacated by
the Auua National bank is being
rem edslcd and will be occupied by
Roscoe Grear & Go. with ConfeC-
tionery and cut flower shop.
Mrs. s. NJ. B2rnhart has returned
hcme from an extended visit with
aer daughter Mrs. Willis HOLDEN, of
Edinbnyg. Ill
The body of Curtis Lee. a former
Anna hoy who was killoi near yop-
lin, Mo, last week when gasoline
railway speeder he was riding ran
into thu rear of train, was brought
to Anna this week for burial in the
Anna cemetery.
DR., +. A. Hall of the International
Bible Students Association will lee
ture on the following subject at the
The Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1???-1928, 1914-03-29
MOUND CITY

Morle, the little daughter of MIR.
md Mrs. Charles DeNore OF Elm
street fell and broke her right arm
at her home Thursday. The lit,lc
girl wh1 is only a year and half old,
was playing with a neighbours child
of about the same age and when
hugginG one another they fell down
with the above result, The arm was
broken above the elbow and the
shoulder was disloCated.
Harry Painter. who has been i'll
of scarlet fever at the home of his
parents. Mr.. and Mrs. William Paint
er, is improving,
Mrs. Ira Finley and daughters,
Aleta and Iris, left Saturday morn
ing for their future home at Hanil
ton, Ohio They were met at C.n-
cinnati by Mr., Finley, who has been
located at Hamilton this winter.
Mr.. and Mrs. Samuel Crawford Of
Barlow. who were recently married
at Holloway, Ky, returned from
their honeymoon trip Friday. Whilo
in st. Louis they purchased a five
passenger Detroit" machine which
arrived Friday.
Mrs. W. n. Meyers, who suffered
a stroke Of paralysis at her homo or
High street Thursday is improving.
Miss blanche Martin and Miss
Alice Craig spent Friday evening ia
Cairo.
Mrs Peter Zener of Holloway,
Ky, was in the city Friday.
Mrs John Lilly of Olmstcd, war
shopping here Friday.
| At a recent session of the Court Of
Honor lodge at Springfield, H. At
torncy George L. Martin of this city
was elected delegate to the Supreme
session of the order which VIII con-
vene in st. Louis June 16.
County Superintendent Miss May
Hawkins and several of the teachers
will attend the meeting of the South
ern Illinois Teachers Association
which will be in session at Marion,
Ill, next Thursday, Friday and Sat
urday. Among the teachers who eX-
poet to attend are Mrs. Anna Caster,
Miss Margis Schneider, Miss La
Verne Armstrong and Miss May Pal
mer, all OF the Mckinley Primary
school.
Florence O5ullivan. who has had
a position at the Illinois Lumber
yards IN the Drainage District, has
received a promotion and left Satur-
day fcv South Mansfield, La, where
he will be manager Of the Mansfield
Lumber yards.
o. J.. Bartlett, William Bestgen
and Charles Curren We're in Cairo
on business Friday.
Miss May Hawkins, county SUPER
jntendent spent this week visiting
schools throughout the county,.
c. e. Ritchey made business trip
to Grand Chain Friday.
The Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1???-1928, 1914-03-29
phoio-Play Association
Box 1853 Wilkes-Barre, Pa.
H.LINOlSCENTRAL
xsessnsxssssrs
Corrected to March /, 1914.
Trains leave Cairo Daily

Trains leave Cairo Daily
North Bound.
1895 q. m. Chicago vestibule limit
ed, arrives Chicago 11:00 a. m.
ais a. M st. Louis Night ltd, ar
rives st. Louis 1890 a. IN. Sleep,
Ing car open after $3.50 .. M.
i:00 q. m. Thebea Accommodation,
$50 q. m. Chicago Daily Express.
1876 q. m. st. Louis Fast Mail.
ll:15 ,. IN. Chicago Midday Spec
lal
2:4S D. N. Afternoon Express for st.
Louis and Centraiia.
Els .. m. Chicago Night Express.
sleeping car from Carbonate to
Chicago.
1905 p. m. Chicago Night Express,
arrives Chicago 1880 a. m. local
sleeper open at Station $3.50 D. IN.
South Bound
$40 n. IN. Memphis, New Orleans
and Hot Springs.
2:2s a. ~. Memphis and Nashville.
Abs a. 10. Seminole for Birmingham
and Jacksonville. Fla.
600 a. III. Psducsh and Louisville.
1:41 D. m. Nashville. Chattanooga
and Atlanta.
3:30 D. m, FIlton and Marteld Ac-
commodatiou.
$40 p. m. Padncah and Louisville
Sleeper Paducah to Lonisville.
5:45 p. m. Memphis and New Or.
leans Special.
500 q. m. Paducah and Louisvills
Express.
. For tickets. sleeping car accom
modations and further information
apply to Illinois Central PaasngI
Station, or address,
]. II, JONES, Ticket Agent
The Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1???-1928, 1914-03-29
IMPORTED FINE TEAS AND CHINESE ARTICLE
The SAM LEE LOO
Chop Suey Restaurant
Dining Room for Ladies and Gents
ia Sih ST.. Opposite KimmeI Theatre.
Cairo, Illinois
WRITE STORIES FOR
MOVING PICTURE PLAYS
New, Spare time Profession for Men and
Womeu-0ne Man Makes $500 in
Six Months.

Owing to the large number of new picture
theatres which are being opened throughout
the country, there is offered to the men and
womontf today new profession. namely,
that Of writing moving picture plays Pro
ducets are paying from S21 to $50 for each
scenario accepted, upon which they can
build a photo play.
The Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1???-1928, 1914-03-29
$500 in Six Months

Asst only requires few hours time to
construct complete play, you can readily
see the immense possibilities in this work.
One man. who gave the idea try out, writes
that he earned $500 in six months. 1t is pos
sibie for an intelligent person to meet with
equal success.
One feature of the business which should
appeal to everyone, is that the work may
be done at home In spare tme, No literary
ability is required and women have as great
an opportunity as men. ideas for plots arc
constantly turning M, and may be nut in
scenerio form and sold for good price,
Particulars Seat TREE
Complete particulars of this most interest
ing and profitable profession may be had
FREE OF CHARGE by sending post card
The Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1???-1928, 1914-03-29

Are you going visiting Tell rs
about it so we can tell your friends
and acquaintance.
The Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1???-1928, 1914-03-29

Silas Squashem, Lawyer ......... Roy belong
Dollie hickem ,,...-....- $3.50. Lotte DeLong
Time: Present