davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-05-05
LUKE M'LUkE SAYS
he Cincinntai Enquirer

From the Cincinntai Enquirer.
 The world Is growing better. Prunes cost 40 cents per order in New York hotels.
 [ If everybody quits gabbing when you enter room 1t is a sure sign that you were getting yours.
 The reason why bride promises to love, honor and obey a man Is because she has never been married to him be- fore and doesn't know anything about him.
 The reason why married man is al- ways broke is because after he has given his wife everything she wants she begins to want everything the other women want.
 Once in a while married man Is so busy r,ibbering at other women that he can't see the snake tracks under his own apple tree.
 One reason why Billy Sundays circus always plays to good business Is because nine people out of ten have to be con. verted all over again every year.
 Nature intended that man should have larger feet than woman. But that was before white shoes were invented. Having thin arms doesn't keep . gIrl from wearing elbow length sleeves, be- cause she realizes that man won't know that 1t Is habit with her all ovors
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-05-05
GREAT TRIALS OF HISTORY
TRIAL OF CATHERINE OF ARAGoN

King Henry VIII of England spent more time in the courtroom than any other sovereign has ever done. And it was the unarstocratic divorce court. The first of the trials instituted by Henry to rid himself of a wife of whom he had grown tired was his efforts to divorce himself from Catherine of Aragon It re- quired two long efforts, and the King be- came very much peeved at the slowness of the proceedings.
 Henry and Catherine had been married on June Il, 1509. She had previously been married to his brother, and feeling that it was necessary as a policy of state to keep on good terms with Ferdinand of Spain, when his brother died he decided to marry his sister-in-law. All writers agree that the first few years of their though the Queen was six years Henry's senor, for he was only IS at the time of the marriage.
 At first Catherine exercised an enor- nous influence over Henry, and, in fact, until the rise of Wolseley Catherine was the most powerful parsonage in the king dom. The first trouble that came between them was due to the foxey Ferdinand. who inveigled his son-in-law into a league with him against the French monarch. The result was that after he had involved England he turned traitor and concluded a treaty of peace with the French, in which Henry was entirely overlooked. This was In 15l3 Henry, naturally, was angered. and the following year rumors of divorce began to be heard, but they smouldered for long time. Then Anne Boleyn appeared and the King was at her feet
 As efinry grew more and more attached to Boleyn he feigned remorse that he should have been guilty of unlawfully marrying his brothers widow. 1t was licly to express his scruples regarding his wedding. To assist him to carry out his scheme he secured the services of Cardinal Wolseley. The cardinal exerted every effort with the church at Rome to annul the wedding. but his efforts failed.
 Finally the King succeeded in the call ing of court of inquiry in England and the first trial was begun on May 21, 1929 The sittings were held in the Parlia- friars. After the commission had been read both Catherine and Henry came for
 O
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-05-05
The Duke's Gracious Act

q was glad to read Virginian's ac- count of the Duke of Argylls visit to Richmond when he was governor general of Canada and Marquis of Lorne,' said another member of Birmingham's yir- ginia colony.
 Tt is my pleasure to tell of a gracious act on the part of the duke, who passed away last Saturday. AS was related in Mondays Age-Herald, the Marquis of Lorne, notwithstanding the fact of his illustrious lineage and the further fact that his wife was royal princess, was democratic in his manner and was most kindly disposed to Americans. He had some poor relations in Fredericksburg, 60 miles from Richmond. They were not closely related. but letters had passed was in Richmond he took the trouble to journey 50 miles for the purpose of call ing on these Virginia cousins-all young ladies. I happened to be acquainted with the Fredericksburg family alluded to. The ladies were we'll bred of course. but they lived in very plain style. They were so poor but proud that they had no idea of calling on the Marquis of Lorne. l heard that the marquis, after visiting Fredericksburg, spoke of meeting with his cousins there as being one of the pleasantest episodes of his trip to Virginia. It certainly bespoke the gen. tleman"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-05-05

Herman Frasch, 62 years old, a chemist who made millions for the Standard Oil company and himself. died recently in Paris. He formerly lived in New York. He was the son of the burgomaster of a small town near Stuttgart He left the gymnasium at Halle when IS years old and became a druggists apprentice, com ing to America in 1868 to begin a career that brought him fame and fortune. His first invention that was profitable was new process of refining paraffin, which he sold to the Cleveland Petroleum com pany, branch of the Standard oil com pany. Later he entered the companys employ. Frasch then began a series of in- ventions and improvements in chemical science that continued for many years. He originated plan for the manufacture of waxed paper. invented an oil lamp that is sold throughout the world, discovered a way to make white lead directly from ore, patented five ways of manufacturing salt. studied electricity and devised a process for making thermal electric generators and a way to produce carbon in electric lights. Another important discovery Frasch made was method for taking the odor out of Ontario's oil, which up to that time had been considered the poorest grade of oil. Frasch's discovery made this oil valuable and resulted in his being ap- pointed chief chemist of the Standard Oil His salary was said to have been the highest ever paid to man of his profess sion.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-05-05

ward. The Queen prostrated herself at
 the Kings feet and all chroniclers agree that the speech of the rejected wife was
 fuil Of eloquence and true pathos She reminded him that she was stranger in,
 strange country; she spoke of their children. and reminded him in piteous
 accents that for IS years she had been loving, true and faithful wife,
 The procedure of the ecclesiastic court
 was always slow. and instead of pushing
 the trial the court merely issued a cita-
 ton Tor the two parties to appear on
 the 18th of June following to state their
 case. The King. acting in precisely the
 same manner as an ordinary litigant in l an ecclesiastical suit, exacted a power of attorney and appointed two proctors to act for him, Dr. Sampson and pr. Ball. The Queen on her side was by no means without advice, for she selected as her counsel the Archbishop of Canterbury
 and the Bishops of Ely Rochester and St. Asaph. When the 18th of June ar rived the King appeared in person The Queen refused to allow in any way the Jurisdiction of the legatees, and it was evident that she had made up her mind to fight the matter to the bitter end The case for the King was that by the law of the church marriage with de- ceased brothers wife was prohibitive. Further, that such marriage was not
 permitted by the law of God. In answer to this Catherines friends admitted that
 the law of the church was against the
 marriage, but that the pope had power. to xxyith ho particular case, and that in this case he
 had done so.
 Among those who testified as to being
 present at the marriage of Henry's brother and Catherine, as we'll as to
 other facts regarding the marriage were the Earl of Shrewsburg, Sir Arthur Poynes, the Marquis of Dorset, the Wis., count Fitzwater and the Dukes of Suffolk
 and Norfolk. The trial in every way was
 sham, and finally the pope summoned
 the King to Rome, but Henry haughtily refused to appear. either in person or by
 deputy, and setting the pope a tdefianee he married Anne Boleyn on January 25,\
 ;533. On the 10th of the following May. Cranmer declared the first marriage void. and on March B. 1534, Pope Clement pro-
 nounced it valid. Queen Catherine did not quit the kingdom, but wa sclosely guarded during the remained of her life- time, her death occurring January 2. 1536.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-05-05
THE DIFFERENCE
rom the Western Mail

FTOm lne western MAIL
 story is told of an Irish sailor who decided to walk from Newport to Car diff. He met cart driver and asked:
 How far is it from Newport to Car diff?"
 Twelve miles, mister.'' was the reply.
 'Thankee," said Pat. An how far Is it fro mCardiff to Newport?'
 Driver-"Didn't I tell you how far it was from Newport to Cardiff? Do you suppose it is any farther the other way back?"
 Irishman-"Sure. and I don't know. know it is great deal farther from New Years Day to Christmas than from Christmas to New Years Day.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-05-05
A Musical VfsItor

Albert Janpolski the distinguished Russian baritone who gave a recital here few years ago, was registered at the Hillman yesterday. He called on a number of his acquaintances and dur ing the afternoon gave an informal but delightful recital at Cable hall.
 T am just from Atlanta, where took in the opera said MT. Janp polski. q had an appearance with the Phil harmonic orchestra of New Orleans, April 25,~and met with cordial recep- ton. The Philharmonic is new or chestra but 1t already gives promise of high achievement. Ferdinand Dunk ley is the conductor and he is one. of the ablest In this country 1t was a pleasant coincidence that when I sang in distant city two years ago MT. Dunkley was my accompanist.
 "The New Orleans orchestra starts with 50 performers. It is but another evidence of the growing interest in symphonic music. I have been in the United States 10 years, and the pro- gress in the development of musical taste has been amazing. There were only a few large concert orchestras when I took up my residence in this country. Now every city of 250,000 or 300,000 population has a creditable or chestra, while Minneapolis, Cincinnati. St. Louis and certain other cities not so large have especially good orches- tras.
 By the way, l learn that the music lovers of Birmingham are to hear Du- bois' oratorio, Paradise Lost this week with the St. Louis symphony orchestra as feature. I sang the role of Satan in Paradise Lost two years ago. The oratorio is full of beautiful melodies and is very dramatic, as its name would imply. l understand that the chorus here is made up of excellent material and is we'll trained Supported by such fine orchestra as that led by Max Zach and with brilliant solo quartet. Birmingham has indeed great treat in store"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-05-05

and Colonel Roosevelt is suffering from boils. Mir. Taft, of course, takes his suf- fering calmly. but the thought of a human dynamo" afflicted with boils is one to give us pause.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-05-05
OUR NAVY CAN SHOOT
From the New York Times.

From the New York T1mes
 That was tolerably good example of American gunnery afforded by the men of the mine ahip San Francisco in Vera Crus harbor. With their nve-inch guns they shot out the wi4dows of the Naval col- lege. one by one. with the precision of the best target practice. There is good ob- ject lesson in tAis for the navies of tho world. The que1tion has often bssn asked what our navylwould do in actual serv, ice with the mddern armament. Here is one good exsmrlb of what # oan de.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-05-05
POINTED PAEAGRAPHs

From the Chicago News.
 It takes a sensible woman to generate silence.
 A man may marry for money and wom- an for alimony. above criticism.
 One way to dodge breach of promise suit is to buy a wedding ring.
 It is easier to hear lot than i0 is to raise the money to pay for one.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-05-05
BEGINNING THE DAy-Lord, if

BEGINNING THE DAY-Lord, If have wronged any man, or taken to suffer through fault of mine, show me my sin and turn me back again that I may. pay my just debts and be at peace with God and men. And if any man has wronged me. help me to forgive. In Christ's name. Amen.-H. M. E.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-05-05
should Have FireprOof Auditorium

Those of us who have attended the opera festivals in Atlanta can but applaud the Georgia city for it's public spirit in building an auditorium large enough to make grand opera a financial as well as an artistic success, but Birmingham s auditorium soon to be erected should be even bigger than Atlantas and it should be freproof,' said clubman.
 ''The Atlanta auditorium is a fire trap, and it will be only a question of time when it will be replaced by building of concrete construction The building now used cost about $170,000. Birmingham, by spending $2oo,00O, can have structure that would seat 5000 people and would at the same time be safe In every respect"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-05-05

A final investigation of the patients shows that turtle serum as cure for consumption is all it wasn't cracked up to be.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-05-05

Senator Miles Poindexter says he be- lieves pr. Cook discovered the north pole Maybe he also believes there is a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-05-05

Lie" and insult were ominous words used by Chicago suffragist leader who had little difference of opinion with some other suffragist leaders. Every time suffragettes fall out among themselves there is hoarse chuckle from the throats of anti-feminists.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-05-05

The boys corn clubs last year did much to stir up emulation among the farmers of Alabama, and they will do even more this year. They are lying low now, but when harvest time comes there will be many prize winners.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-05-05

The Confederate veterans are now time next year they will be headed for old Richmond It is understood that the reunion of 1915, which will mark the fftieth anniversary of the surrender at Appomattox, will be held in the Old Do- minion's capital
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-05-05
THE IF IN LIFE.

Ho, hum, Work makes us old and stiff. We never will get through it. How nice twould be to labor if We didn't have to do it.
 Cincinnati Enquirer Dyspepsia once was my disease, But I got safely by it. I now can eat whate'er please. So long as don't try it.
 New York Mail. had the rheumatism once, But quickly changed my diet Now l can work the whole day through If I but just keep quiet.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-05-05

Most of Miss Eleanor Wilson's wedding gifts will be in the form of jewelry. Gen tlemen burglars are doubtless cognizant of the fact.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-05-05

Yes, the gubernatorial race seems close at this writing. The supporters of Co., mer and the supporters of Henderson
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-05-05

Late reports,from London show that the aim of suffragettes who throw petitions, bricks, bombs and other trifles is no bet ter than 1t ever was.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-05-05

A Bavarian won beer drinking con and beer over there is heady stuff.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-05-05
A SAFE TEST

From Judge. formed man?"
 Unusually so. As a juror he is always rejected by the attorneys on both sides?'
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-05-05

An operation performed on Missouri boy to cure his criminal tendencies was a great success. The boy died
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-05-05

The Paris Number" of Judge was as naughty as anyone could reasonably ex- pect Paris number to be.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-05-05
VULGAR FRACTIONS.

Teacher: Tommy, if hen and half lays two and half eggs in three and half days, what will four and a half hens lay in five and a half days?"
 Tommy: Please. Miss. an omelette''
 C. F. M.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-05-05
AN APT INTERNE.

Nurse: Heavens, doctor. patient No. 22 has swallowed his thermometer" Young Doctor: If his temperature rises
 above 1o4, give him an emetic'
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-05-05
TROUBADOUR AND JESTER

around. I was so pressed for time that
 when I got half way around I was com peled to turn back" APOLLO SARTARUS.
 Harry: Do you know I think my tailor would make an excellent poet' Tommy: "why so?"
 Harry His measures all fit so per- fectly." A HEADINE squibbs: "Old man Jones has just bought whole hosshead of brains."
 Gipos; He must be crazy. He can't eat them all in six months"
 squibbs: "oh. there were not so many. He bought an entire hog and the brains came in it's head" A BUNNY STORY. Fond Father: T fear our boy is not doing much at college. He writes that his head is full of Belgian hares." Doting Mother: ''Bulging hairs? I guess he means that he's joined the foot ball team" <Id
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-05-05
REVERSED LEVER

REVERSED LEVER. Tompkins: What. back already from your trip around the world? You did not stay long,
 Billkins: T did not go all the way
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-05-05

tea"
 He: If he keep it's up he will soon find that T changes mediation to meditation" !"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-05-05

New honors come upon him.
 Macbeth.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-05-05
QUEER cussEs.

Stranger: How odd. Why are all these men walking about with cuspidors hang ing around their necks?
 Citizen: Well. you see, we have started the city beautiful movement and it's against the law to expectorate upon the streets"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-05-05

ToMoRRow-TRIAL OF WHITAKER WRIGHT
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-05-05

Entered at the Birmingham, Ala, postoffiee as second class matter under act of Congress March 8. 1879.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-05-05
JUST TO A T.

She: T read that Huerta is fond of
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-05-05

CINE OF IfiE FINEST. Policeman: Whats your name, little girl?"
 Little Girl (who is lost) Fanny Ellen Towne."
 Policeman: But what's your name in the country?"
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1914-02-27
ORDERED ON LAVISH SCALE
The Late John Pierpont Morgan Oh.
jectsd to Wasting Time Looking
for His Eyeglasses.

A story of Mr. Pierpont Morgan.
Illustrative Of the scale of his domes
tic affairs, reaches me. My CORE
6pondent was in London opticians
shop when another customer entered.
and. striding up to the counter,
brusquely inquired. Can you make
me another paiz like that ?"-present-
ing spectacles of the goggles" type
IN tortoise she'll rims and gold frames.
Yes" said the optician, Il can"
Send them up to my place as soon as
they're ready. You know who / am"
were the laconic instructions given as
the customer strobe out of the shop as
quickly as he had entered. The Opt,
clan explained that that was Mr.. Pier.
pont Morgan. The spectacles were
delivered, and my friend, making in
quiries in the matter, heard the end
of the affair from the optician. Pier
pont Morgan returned to the shop,
and, speaking more effusively than on
the first occasion, said: Those spec
tacles were very good-very salts
factory indeed I shall want some
more of them. I'm always missing
my specs after a change of clothes.
Let me see -(pausing and looking
down on his waistcoat as If to inter
rogate IT'D; I've eleven waistcoats-
yes, eleven. Better make me a dozen
pairs!" So dozen tortoise shell rim.
med and gold framed spectacles were
supplied to the millionaire, much to
the satisfaction of the optician and
rimmaker, who, between them, peck
eted sixty guineas. - Manchester
Guardian.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1914-02-27
The Foot Of the Reindeer.

The foot of the reindeer is most pc
culiar in construction 1t Is eloven
through the middle. and each haif
curved upward in front. 1t is slightly
elongated and capable of consider
able amount of expansion. When
glazed on an irregular surface which
ls difficult to traverse. the animal con
tracts The feet into a sort of claw. by
which firm hold is secured. When
moving rapidly the two portions OF the
foot as it is lifting strike together. the
boots making a continuous gathering
noise which may be heard mt consid-
era BILE distance. 1t is this peculiarly
Of the feet that makes the reindeer so
sure footed and so valuable In rocky
and uneven country. where almost any
other ANIMAL would prove failure as
q beast of burden.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1914-02-27
TO CHANCE COURSE OF RHINE


That their great river should al
last dribble to the sea through mum.
Der Of mouths in foreign territory
has long been cause Of sentimental
regret to the German people. A so.
ciety has now been formed at Cob.
ientz to correct this mistake Of ma.
ture.
Prof. Hans Busx of Munster has
Just published a book to help on the
objects of the new society, He urges
that the Rhine, instead Of flowing as
1t does, northwest through the Meth.
erlands, ought to flow from Dcisburg
In Rhenish Prussia, northwest of EN-
den. the most westerly port Of the
German empire. The distance would
be about $50 miles, and no locks
would be needed.
The professor wants a canal nf
first rate proportions, comparable to
those of Suez or Panama, and seeks
to show that. such q waterway would
capture the traffic which now goes TO
Rotterdam and the Mas, and that in
a few years Emden would become a
world port Professor Busz estimates
that the New Rhine" would cost
$1S7,500,000. a large sum; but, he
points out, only quarters Of the
extra s25o.000,00 is to be spent OF
the army under the new law. He cal.
culated that the gross takings during
the first years would not be more
than s5.000,0o0
A year ago the Prussian minister
of public works announced that the
government, regarded the project
favorably, and had it under considers
tion.> The new society starts under
favorable auspices.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1914-02-27
See Value of Exercise.

There is no doubt but that exercise
is a good thing for those who do not
get it, but to many the daily use OF
dumb bells, weights and similar ap-
paratus grows irksome, the reason be-
ing a lack Of stimulation owing to the
fact that the person taking the exer-
else sees nothing accomplished as the
result of the work and time spent.
Gladstone preferred to work at the
woodpile, and here and there was the
constantly maintained interest of see
ing the pile increase after each period
of action. The same has been accom-
plished in a real up-to-the-moment
manner by French inventor who has
taken an exercising machine which
is rather familiar in the shape of a
bicycle on permanent stand. and he
has combined this with a storage bat
terry. When the various members Of
the family are taking their daily exer-
else on this machine they are storing
up current to be used in the form OF il
Iuminant after nightfall.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1914-02-27
MAY Be SHIP LOST IN 1916
Finding Of Wreck Evidently In Water
Many Years Believed to Be Solu-
ton of Ocean Mystery.

An unknown wreck, which MAJ
prove the solution to the mystery Of
ship which disappeared in 1910. has
tust be described at Westernport,s Vic
toria, Australia. Diving operations
were being conducted with the object
of raising a sunken barge, and while
the sweep" was being dragged along
the bottom of the channel it fouled an
obstruction and remained fast. A diver
was lowered beneath the waters, and
found that the apparatus had become
entangled in the hull Of an old wreck
and further investigation showed that
this vessel evidently had foundered
many years ago. for it was thickly
covered with marine growth. The
sunken ship was constructed of Eng.
lish oak, the timbers visible being ap.
proximately IL inches by inches
thick. Residents in the neighborhood
told that several skeletons had been
discoveredin the sand opposite the
wreck, and expressed the opinion that
in all likelihood they were those OF
persons who were washed ashore. Nc
reference to the wreck has been dis.
covered In the department records, but
1t has been recalled that q weather
bound vessel was reported at Western
point in 1910 and never seen since.