Elmore County Republican. [volume] (Mountain Home, Idaho) 1910-1915, 1914-12-19
THE UNSIENTIFIC
SCIENTIST'SLETTERS

S1h DieSo HApuSlIiou, Dec, 10, 1914.
Dear Herb An Ostrich is an avis
struthionoid. Isn't that awful! You
wouldn't think it, but my new die
tlonary says so-and verified it by
visit to the Ostrich Farm ON the
''Isthmus3 here. Aside from that,
and a few other little things, | guess
it's all right.
The Ostrich s chief aim i'm life is
to separate the tired business man
from his hard earned shekels, swap
ping therefor superfluous feathers
for typically feminine ornamentation
ON the lid of the t.b.m's wife. For
that, you've got to hand it to him.
He is bird indeed. The feathers
are worth nothing to him. He lives
in a warm climate so he doesn t
need them for protection. His wings
are a joke and he can't fly any more
than an elephant But the aforesaid
shekels will buy food and drink and
raiment-and plenty of eaeh--for the
concessionaire who has some fifty of
him here at the San Diego Exposition
Believe me, that IS a wonderful sys-
tem-trading something you can't use
and don't want and which costs you
nothing, for the one thing we're all
after. And with amazing regularity
the ostrich gets by with it.
He has other perfectly good points
too, this AVIS STRUTHIONOID
Sounds pretty highbrowish-what0;
If | could put the kick into these
mis- siyes that he has i'm either leg, |
could sell them for at least 500 per
kick-the missiyes | mean.
And say! Did you ever notice
AN ostrich s. neck? My boy! My boy
With a neck like that what a real
joy a real thirst would be! | saw
one swallow an orange. | could
watch it for the longest timel And
just then he was the most contented
looking ostrich l ever saw.
I'm told that Struthy shirks care
and avoids danger by the simple ex-
pedient of thrusting his diminutive
head into a sandpile. There ism
any sand in this Ostrich Farm-only
grass-so | didn't see it done. 1t
really ism bad idea, though. My
little Helen hides her head beneath
the bedclothes, and 10! All is well!
But wa lose that faculty, We grown
ups.
Did you know that ostriches are
susceptible of being ridden? They're
not crazy about lit, you understand,
but it's possible. And in that con-
nection l must tell you a touching
little incident about the versatile gem
tleman who deletes from my commun-
ications such portions thereof as do
not suit his fancy or fail to accord
with his ideas of the fitness of things
and who has the temerity to- tell me
where to get off, and gets away with
it-who can make a typewriter take
a joke and a blue pencil take a col
umn at one stroke-our Board of
Censorship, in other Words,-I say
this brash young journalist from the
effete east strobe into the Ostrich
Farm recently and accomodatingly
undertook to demonstrate to us and
to the birds how an ostrich should be
ridden. He has nerye-Ill say that
for hin-both ways.
There is but little more to tell and
it grieves me with reverse English)
to have to- tell it. The doughty CEN
sor nonchalently mounted d handsome
black Nubian. The big bird turned
upon him look of reproachful sur
prise and then
Say, did you ever see anybody slide
down a creased pole? Thus did our
Censor descend to Mother Earth
with a dull and sickening thud-as
the big bird suddenly Strengthened his
back, his neck and his legs into a
perpendicular line.
The ostrich has demonstrated his
ability to take care of himself. The
Censor is sadder, sorer but wiser
Let us all rejoice.
And I'm strong for the ostriches.
Yours minus ostrich points,
SCOTTY.
P.S. They tell me that these os-
triches have copper lined stomachs,
tool