davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-03-16
THE MAJOR AND HIS TITLES

From the New York Times
 ''The old-time southerner may be good democrat, both with the big 'D' and the small one" remarked a New York busi- ness man. who had just returned from trip to North Carolina, but he dearly loves military title.
 T have a lively recollection of meeting a nice old. gentleman in the Pine Tree state, who was introduced to me as Major So-and-So.
 !" "A Confederate veteran, I suppose, sir, I observed, wanting to be polite.
 :" No, sah,' was the answer Do not have the honah. sah.'
 'Er-perhaps you fought somewhere else then?' I ventured.
 .Suttenly not Nevah was in no war, sah.'
 I understand. Major, I cried, bright cning Of course, you're an officer of the National Guard. Possibly you have served on the governors staff
 You're wrong, sah. Know nothin' about soldierin' sah,'
 Tn that case would you mind telling me how you got your title?' I asked, be- wildered.
 'Ah married a majah widow. sah, pompously replied the southerner"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-03-16

A "
 M eial9-what is an ambassador
 w and minister plenipotentiary for? I will give. you three guesses and then bite myself MT. Bones, what is an ambassador and minister plenipotentiary for? Puzzle, what's the answer?
 Evidently Walter Hines Page A. and M. T., to the court of St. James. who has been sadly used by the high cost of cablegrams to this country, coupled with the decire of the press to save tolls, say
 ing of tolls being the popular idea right an A. and M. r. is duly qualified person
 ntrusted with the job as chief jollier to some foreign country. Therefore, Walter Hines aforesaH, keenly observant of the drift Of the administration sentiment, at tending dinner in dear old Lono and long in the shank of the evening feeling particularly jolly, not to say mel low, rose in his place and spilled the beans
 in q thorough and complete manner, and entirely in keeping with previous records of ambassadors and ministers plenipo- tentiary who have suddenly been thrust into their jobs, never before having time 
 game of chance or a disease.
 Noting that there was a disposition on the part of the administration to cuddle up to the tight little island,' Walter felt it his duty to do some plain and fancy 'cuddling," and thus win instantaneous applause from back home, and perhaps a finely embossed note from William J., the burden of which would be that as a diplomer Walter was certainly the an swer.
 In the strietest confidence Walter told his hearers that the canal was built by us for tfeir especial benefit, and that the Monroe doctrine was just a little preference on our part that they would re- frain from annexing us, upon which we would not insist if it peeved them. Much to Walters astonishment, no doubt the we'll known United States Senate got plum excited about it. The well known United States Senate has a way of getting plum excited over mere trifles anyway, in fact
 it is constantly on the outlook for some thing to get excited about So when the Senate was informed that some person had been indieereet enough to say that We had spent several hundred million dollars in real money for the benefit of a foreign nation instead of saying that this money had been spent for the benefit of the plain people. the said well known United States Senate immediately began
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-03-16
LUKE M'LUKE SAYS

From the Cincinnati Enquire
 The reason a rich man doesn't have much fun is because there isn't any pleas
 ure in spending money unless you know you can't afford it.
 Soon will the sun sh1ne OCT the dale, and
 for skirt she'll wear a veil of thin trans
 parent white percale. If a girl can get the right kind of
 wings on her hat in this world she'll
 take chance on growing them on her
 shoulders in the next world. A man can have nerve enough to turn
 his wife down when she nails him for
 a dollar. but he hasn't nerve enough to get up from a table without giving a strange waiter a dollar as a tip. Before marriage she imagines that he is full of ambition. And about a year later she realizes that he is full of prunes.
 A fat man never gets square deal Even if he was suffering from d broken heart the world would say that he had been eating too much. When in doubt about a womans age 1t is always a cinch bet that she is older than she thinks she looks. Every engaged girl knows that they can live on his salary because she knows he isn't going to spend any of it.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-03-16
GREAT TRIALS OF HISTORY
TRIAL OF GENERAL WILLIAM WALKER

the whole, fair and just But the odds against him were too great, and with all Central America in league against him. backed by Europe and the United States his cause was doomed. Defeat followed defeat. and in January, 1857, he abandon ed Grenada and took refuge on a United states vessel, which landed him at Pan- anna.
 TWO other attempts were made by the impossible man to invade Nicaragua. both of which were frustrated by the United States authorities, and in June. 1860, he invaded Honduras. where he met with vigorous resistance and was eventually captured by the British and turned over to the native Honcura1A 1A authorities. z
 It was on the third of September that the arrest was affected and on the follow ing day he was turned over to the Hon. duran authorities with several of his officers. The march of the captured men to prison was slow and solemn Walker, al the head of his men, keeping time to the beat of the drum, and dressed with much simplicity. was the object on which every eye was fixed.
 As soon as Walker had entered the prison he was placed in heavy irons andJ being asked if he needed anything re- piled with but one word water" Soon afterwards he sent for a chaplain. As he knelt at his feet he said: q am re- signed to die; my political career is end- ed"
 There was d mock trial which was wholly unnecessary for the outcome was known before it started. he was to be shot. It was not until the eleventh hour that Walker was ir0ormed of his doom It was seven o'clock in the morning when the messenger brought him the news, andl his only reply was his asking at what hour he would be executed and if he would have time to write.
 On the twelth of September at eight O clock in the morning, the condemned man was marched to the place of ex- ecution. He showed throughout the greatest coolness not even once changing color. while walking from the prison to the place where he was to be shot. Two soldiers. with drawn swords, advanced in front of him. and three with fixed bay orets followed behind. In his right hand he carried hat, and in his left a cru- cifix It was here his great dream and his eventful life went out together.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-03-16

mess. The unfriendly attitude of Congress to business and large corporate interests in general remains one of the most de- pressing features in the situation. Pro tests from successful business men of high character>appear to have little or no effect upon the national legislature. Success seems to be regarded as crime. It is high time that the public at large were taught the injurious effects upon them- selves of these blind and unrelentng at taeks on capital and vested interests. It is not generally known that there are be- tween l7,00O000 and 1S,0000OO of savings deposits in the United States, whose de- posits aggregate nearly $7,0OO,0OO,0O0, or ap- proximately 40 per cent of the total bank deposits in the United States. Nor is it generally. realized that the mutual say
 ings banks of this country alone have $1 800 GOO invested in securities, of which nearly ss00,000,000 represent railroad bonds
 Our life insurance companies also hold enormous masses of securities largely railroads, of which people in moderate circumstances are the chief owners. If the savings banks depositos,- which are largely made up of the working classes, and life insurance policyholders really ap- preciated how much their own financial interests were being imperilled by the continued political attacks upon railroad and other corporations, they would quick ly turn out of office the politicians whose chief capital at present is the unreason- ing abuse of American railroads, which, in spite of regrettable misdeeds, are the finest and most efficient in the world
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-03-16

" TruxlIo, Honduras, on Sep tember 12, 1860. he said to the people who had gathered about the public square to see him meet his doom, ''The war which made on Honduras was unjust. Those who accompanied me are not to blame. alone am guilty. I ask pardon of the people l receive death with resignation. Would that it were one for the good of society,"
 He then sat on chaif to which he was bound A file of 10 soldiers advanced and fired on the instant He died immediate ly. The soldiers gave three cheers and al. was over Walker was but 36 years of age at the time
 Walker was daring character and St soemed to believe that his star of des- tiny had great things in store for him. Few adventures of his class ever ran such a race of shortsighted and fatal folly. In 1853 he was the leader of an ex- petition which sailed from San Francisco with the intention of taking possession os Sonora, then a northern state of Texas, adjoining California. He landed at a place sailed La Paz where he met with but little resistance. He proclaimed "an independent Republic of lower Califor- nia," and himself president, at the same time appointing each of his 60 followers to some official station. He very soon however, had to evacuate or starve, and surrendered himself to the United States authorities. On his arrival at San Fran cisco he was tried for violation of the neutrality laws, but was acquitted.
 Early in the summer of 1855 Walker placed himself at the head of an expe- dition numbering about 60 men and pro- ceeded to Nicaragua, then in state of internal conflict. He landed at Realejo and marched to Leon 10 join the head quarters of the Nicaraguan democratic army or party.
 Here he hoped to have his dream real izied, that of forming on the Isthmus a broad domain to be extended into Mex leo and South America He succeeded partially at first Brushing the Dem ocratic chief aside Walker now pro- claimed himself a candidate for the Presidency, and was, of course, elected. Being now dictator ne began to run things to suit himself and to his credit it must be said that his acts were, upon
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-03-16
IN HOTEL LOBBIES
he Busy South

"Business in the north is gradually improving. and it is believed in mos sections that there will be much trade activity in April said Stephen W. Sha- fer of Philadelphia.
 ''Ihe best business barometer is the steel industry, and when that is active business generally is brisk. The demand for steel products is increasing. The Steel corporations report for February was decidedly encouraging.
 Taken as a whole the south is the most prosperous part of the country at the present time. The cotton states We're never so we'll off, so far as know, as they are today"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-03-16

subjects, but it's own priceless treas ures of art, it's historic buildings and other relics of glorious past. Great
 Britain trembles before a band of irate women, uncertain of their next move, and waiting in ludicrous trepe- dation for a new outbreak to occur. Of course the British government is aetuated entirely by political motives in not suppressing the suffragettes, yet the spectacle it presents is sad one.
 So far the excesses of English sui fragettes have not had any direct ef- feet on the people of the United States, who have been content to look on their antics with amusement or contempt, but when those art treas ures which constitute one of the main attractions in London for the Ameri- can tourist have to be locked up to save them from vandals in petticoats, there is apt to be a strong resentment aroused in this country against the suffragettes of England. It is out rageous that such a state of affairs should exist in the greatest city in the world, yet John Bull seems to be help less. When asked if the government contemplated taking any steps to pre- vent suffragette outrages, Home Sec retary McKenna said, q should be glad to hear suggestions" And that describes the situation today in Eng land. The English government simply doesn't know what to do.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-03-16
WHAT HE DID

From London Tit-Bits
 When a well known official was ap- pointed to his first post in India, one of his suoordnates who did not know him tried to find out from brother of ficer what sort of man they would have to deal with The dialogue went some thing like this:
 Docs he play bridge much?"
 Not much
 Billiards. maybe?''
 Nothing to speak off,"
 Any good at chess?" He plays badly"
 Does he go In for any outdoor sports?"
 At long intervals Then what on earth does he do?' asked the bewildered man, finally 'The rarest thing possible" snapped the other. "He works"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-03-16
UNGRATEFUL BRUTE

From the Philadelphia Public Ledger.
 It was very hot day and picnic had been arranged for by the United Society of Lady Negetarians.
 They were comfortably seated and were waiting for the kettle to boil when, hor- TOT of horrors, savage bull appeared on the scene.
 Immediately a wild rush was made for safety. while the raging creature pounded after one lady who, unfortunately, had a red parasol. By great good fortune she hopped over the stile before it could reach her. Then, regaining her breath, she turned round.
 'Oh, you ungrateful creaturei" she ex- claimed. Here have I been a vegetarian all my life. There's gratitude for your
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-03-16
A s2.o0o,O0O COAL BILL

From the Coal Age.
 A fuel agent and 13 clerks are necessary to conduct the work of the fuel depart ment of the Commonwealth Edison com pany and some of the allied Insull com- panies. The Commonwealth Edison com pany burns about 5000 tons of coal daily and it's coal bill is about 5000 600 year. About 30,000 tons are kept in reserve in or near Chicago at all times. Nearly all of this is of egg or lump size, as the danger of fire from spontaneous combus- Thermometers are placed in all coal piles and weekly records of temperatures are taken It is frequently found necessary to move piles of screenings or mine-run coal to prevent or fight fires.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-03-16
NO BRASS BUTTONS ON UNIFORMS

From the Electric Railway Journal
 The Metropolitan Street railway, Kan sas City, issued an order recently elimi- hating brass buttons on uniforms. The order affects all of the 1900 carmen eul- ployed. The change. it was announced. was for the benefit of employees Some of the conductors and motormen could af- ford only one suit of clothes or had their service hours so arranged that they could not change to citizens clothes between runs. The brass buttons will be replaced with the ordinary black ones, and the men will not be conspicuous when attired in their uniforms off duty.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-03-16

A granddaughter of the famous Indian chief, Teeumseh, is winning recognition for her interpretation of Indian music. The young woman's name is Miss Maurine Evans. Her mother was a daughter of the Creek chief. Miss Evans has a mezzo- soprano voice, well suited to the plaintve Indian melodies that form her repertoire, and her instructors declare that she is the most capable singer in America of Indian songs as they should be sung. The racial name of Miss Evans is Princess Tsinania Redfeather. Her musical studies were started in a small way at the gov ernment mission school at Eufaula, Okla. She afterward went to Denver, where she attracted the attention of leading musi clans in that city. Since taking up her studies in Denver, Miss Evans has sung in a number of western cities.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-03-16
TOMORRow--TRIAL OF MURDERERs OF THYNNE

He and his wife, suffering from the in- tense cold by reason of scanty bedding and lack of fuel, he searched for some thing to put on the bed to increase the warmth, and hit on piece of rough, un- finished cloth that had been thrown to waste. Its success as a warmth giver suggested the manufacture of special bed covers of the same material, and these articles, to which he gave his own name~ won him wealth and immortality
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-03-16
The Mortality of the Senate

Senator Tillman's reminder that 22 United States senators have died in the last four years recalls the fact that the ranks of the statesmen of yore are being rapidly depleted and invites at tention to the change in the personnel c the Senate 50 far as age is con-
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-03-16

All kings may not have a sense of humor, but his majesty, Albert of Bel gium doubtless laughed to himself when he had the lady with the high slit skirt graciously escorted from the court ball, pretending to think that the skirt had been torn by accident, and that when the wearer's attention was called to it she would be glad to go home and have it mended At any rate, King Albert is a diplomat.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-03-16
kitchenless Homes

Happy is the man with house full of daughters, provided they are the capable kind who can do" for them- selves and are not above spending q little time in the kitchen. The "serv- ant problem will not exist in that mans home, for a certain amount of culinary skill on the part of his daughters presupposes an equal delft ness with the broom and the dustcloth. Of course daughters of that sort soon get married and become domestic jewels in an individual setting, but 50 long as they are at home an atmos- phere of peace and tranquility en- velopes the dining room and the kitchen, while the front hall is never found in a condition to scandalize the neighbors.
 The servant problem is probably one of the oldest problems with which the human race is confronted and despite progress made in many ways, it con- tinues to cause trials and tribulations, tears on the part of Mrs. Noowife manly oaths on the part of her hus- band and violent recrimination even among people who have been keeping house for years. What married man is there who cannot recall the awesome moment when he was first called upon to fire the cook ?" With what bold front he marched to perform this painful duty and with what secret misgivings did he broach the matter to belligerent queen of pots.
 Every now and then some member of the feminine sex evolves a plan which promises to do away with the servant problem forever. None of these schemes has borne much fruit ion as yet, but perhaps what they need is time. Mrs. Charlotte Perkins Gilman, whose name is often seen in the newspapers, says the home of the future will have it's grass plot, it's hearthstone and its children, but no kitchen. "The housewife of the future will do her ordering the night before from a laboratory indorsed by doc tors and experts. There will be dozens of laboratories and she can patronize the best. The food will be delivered hot in thermos bottles"
 Thus will the small householder be relieved of the painful suspense of guessing every morning whether or not the cook will put in an appear ance. There will be cooked food al. ready in the house, kept warm, of course, and ready to be served. A great many really good cooks may be thrown out of employment for a while by Mrs. Gilman's plan, but they car get other kinds of work to do. The real geniuses of the profession vii have lucrative positions in the lab oratories. Then if Mrs. Housewife wants to go out and tarry at one oi the theatres for fearful matinee, ol enjoy herself in perfectly ladylikt way at her bridge club there is noth ing to prevent her doing these things She could even run about in the morn ing, without having to bother hel head all the time aobut what tn, cook was doing.
 @Laboratories" for preparing fooc in large quantities may be common enough in the future. Just at present with all due respect to Mrs. Gilman such a plan, to say the least of it seems to be fraught with difficulties The possible complications are to- numerous to mention.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-03-16
ANOTHER COMPLIMENT

From the Tuscaloosa News.
 The newspaper men of Birming nm have opened the finest club of any city north or south. By dues and fees from nonresidents and honorary members the Birmingham men hold open house for themselves and their friends from all over the country.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-03-16
REGINNING THE DAN-O Th.

BEGINNING THE DAY--O Thou great SOwer of the seed, let my heart by Thy field. Soften it with the gentle rains; woo 1t with ThS sunshine; enrich 1t in Thy myriad ways. And do Thou SOW. sower' Then feed the growing grain until it shall be golden for Thee and TOT Thy world. In Christ's name. Amen' III. M. ID.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-03-16

You don't hear much from Vice Presi- dent Marshall these days. but that's no sign that he isn't as good at laying cor her stones as Vice President Fairbanks ever dared to be.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-03-16

The latest fad is for women of wealth to have their pictures taken while they
 are reclining in bed. This gives them a fine opportunity to exploit lot of fluffy
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-03-16

Hubby's voice is given as a reason for divorce in a suit recently filed by a New York woman. Must be one of those fell lows who insist on singing while the bathtub is filling up.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-03-16

Felix Diaz, says a New York paper, is no better than Huerta. That's equal to saying that Felix Diaz is not fit to be a Sunday school superintendent.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-03-16

Secretary Bryan got the wrong tele- phone number the other day and some- body was impudent to him. It couldn't possibly have been Huerta.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-03-16

What Do Women Want?' was the subject discussed at a recent meeting of a. New York club. Usually a woman wants something to make some other woman wish she had it.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-03-16

The X-ray was used to locate diamond inside of a man at Vicksburg, Miss. It's mighty hard to keep anything concealed about the person nowadays.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-03-16

Buffalo Bill says he has a great life work to perform before he dies. Yet, he s back in the show business
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-03-16

Gov. Cole Blease takes off his coat every time he makes a speech. Some politicians think that Is dead sure way to make hit with the ''peepul.'
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-03-16

Charley Murphy says he wasn't given a chance to pay his dues to the National Democratic club. Looks like squeeze play with Charley squeezed out.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-03-16

T shall continue my work for the up- lift of the democratic party" says Charles r. Murphy. There Is no telling how high it will go.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-03-16
THE ORIGIN OF THE BLANKET

From the London Chronicle.
 The cold winter of 1340 gave us the blanket. Its inventor, Thomas Blanket, was a Flemish merchant, settled fin Bris- tol. and fallen from affluence to want.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-03-16

The small boy who happens to live in a town used by a major league team for
 training camp is just now so excited by the teams arrival that if little more
 excitemeht should come his way he would I O nlode
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-03-16

Let me he no assistant for stnte But keep a farm and carters.
 Hamlet.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-03-16

W/ HEN General William Walker A/ was shot for filbustering at
 W TruxilIo, Honduras, on Sep
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-03-16
TELEPHONE

He'll tprivatc exchange connecting al Main 1900.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-03-16

Entered at the Birmingham, Ala, postoffice as second class matter under act of Congress March 8, 1879.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-03-16

A. J. Eaton, Jr- and O. F. Young are the only authorized travelling repro sentatives of The Age-Herald in it's circulation department.