The Bourbon news. [volume] (Paris, Ky.) 1895-19??, 1914-09-18
What She
Really Meant

large income. i don't mean inter-
preting foreign languages, but just
plain English!
Il have learned through painful
years of humping my Uranium against
stone walls and yearn to take under
my wing all the poor, bewildered NOR
tails who still think the words people
use express what they mean. I want
to pat them on the back soothingly
and murmur There! There!' and
then explain to them that DO you like
pink chickens?' really means, We
came on the 10 o'clock train
For instance, Mrs. Gamboge calls
you up over the phone some morning
and says, My dear, we're having a
few people in to cards tonight and
want you to come. just got it up
on the spur of the moment-it's only
a little informal affair. Oh, most in
formal, my dear, assure you! Just
few friends! So glad you can come!
Go-o-od-by!'
Give seen the time when I'd have
dismissed the matter until just be-
fore time to dress, when l would not
have even glanced at the shelf carry
ing my party gowns in boxes, but
would have picked out some high
necked thing. Probably I'd have just
worn my hair as I ordinarily do and
would have taken a street car to get
to the scene Of the festivities. But
not now!
81 have grown wiser. I know that
the English language does not mean
what it is made to say. So I spend
all my time after luncheon preparing
to go to Mrs. Gamboge's informal lit
tie affair have my hair dressed and
my face massaged, and l get an extra
manicure, and have all my clothes
under inspection, and I pick out al
most my very best gown. Then I
borrow mothers Paris evening wrap
and phone for a taxi and wait five
minutes in the crush at the door be-
fore can even get in. There will be
Hungarian band playing under the
stairs and the whole place will be
simply broken out with caterers men,
who pass you along from one to the
other solemnly, trying to act as
though they had butlered and foot
named in that one spot for several
decakes, as had their fathers before
them.
"By this time / wish had borrowed
mothers diamond tiara, because be-
gin to feel kind of plain in only a
satin and crystal gown and string
of pearls There will be a four course
supper and American beauty roses
bursting out from all corners.
ut is really maddening to think
what unlimited money and telephone
will do nowadays. 1t seems to me that
they take away all the fun of giving a
party, all the worry being removed.
These rich women do not have to
count their napkins and say, My good
ness! I'll have to borrow Cousin Nell's
best ones to fill out!' They do not dis
cover that they haven't enough forks
and that the spare room hasn't been
busted. All they do is phone a caterer
and a florist and tell Mary to be sure
to see that she dusts extra we'll down.
stairs. Then they can go to a lun'
cheon and two teas and make a few
calls and when they arrive home at
dinner time they say. Dear me! I'd
almost forgotten that have a card
party tonight
1.-THE only difference when 1t is con
sidered formal affair is that you get
an engraved old English card ten days
| In advance.
"Then when you drop in to see 9
friend and she keeps you waiting hall
an hour before she comes down, and
you say, 4 hope l didn't disturb or in
terrupt,' and she murmurs sweetly
Not at all, my.dear! / was just hook
ing my collar, and am so slow about
doing things!' you would realize. If yor
had an interpreter at hand, that she
meant that she was up in the third
floor sewing room working like mao
with a seamstress making over clothes
and hadn't brushed her hair since she
had twisted it into knob on arising
and had on a kimono thing and OLE
slippers. Also that she said wheI
your card came up, Now, what OF
earth did she come today of all days
for, I'd like to know! Isn't it provok
ing!'
"My helping hand would be Of bene
fit also to prOsy and boresome ant
spoiled old bachelors when swee
young thing of 20 leans over and look
into their eyes and beseeches. DO tel
me all about how you make irol
beams! am 5000 interested!
must be such a fascinating business
What she really means is, If 1 Cal
keep you talking to me as though you
life depended on it / can get Harr
stirred into a perfect fragile of jea
ousy He needs to be taken down
peg or two, the way he's acting of lat