South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1914-09-03
Statesmen Real
and Near.
By Fred c. Kelly

Obviously it is a serious thing 10
forget ones wife's birthday anniver-
sary.
But in the case of Charles Lee
Cooke the most horrible oversight that
could blight his life would be to slip
by the birthday of the car. the kaiser
or any of the big boys.
One night Cooke was attending a
fashionable little dinner party and a
young woman, two plates away. re-
marked by way of keeping a bit of
table chatter in the air that her birth
day fell on the morrow and that her
husband had agreed to buy her a beau
tiful pearl necklace.
When Charles Lee Cooke heard that
he clapped his hand to his brow melO-
dramatically and gasped:
Il nearly forgot" he whispered,
that tomorrow is the Japanese emp
erors birthday"
Then everybody laughed uproarious-
". thinking that Cooke had merely
sprung a clever little joke and all be-
gan TO offer him suggestions in giddy
vein.
"What're you going to. send the
emperor" asked one, "a celluloid comb
and brush set or match safe?"
But ii was no joking matter with
Cooke The very thought that he
emperor's birthday depressed him.
You see. keeping track of the birth
day anniversaries of kings and emp
errors and such is an important feature
of Cookies job. He is attached to the
office of the third assistant secretary
of state, which is the branch of the
state department devoted chiefly to
the social side of things. and the car
ry-ing out of various casual amenities.
One of Cookies duties is to prepare
cablegrams of congratulations when
ever a sovereign with whom we have
diplomatic dealings has birthday.
These cablegrams are sent bearing
the signature of the president of the
United States-though prepared sup
pOsedly by the secretary of state,
theoretically by the third assistant
secretary of state. and actually by
Charles Lee Cooke - or one of
Cookies assistants.
Cooke takes personal custody of the
records showing the birth dates of all
the leading sovereigns.
a few days before the birthday of
the next on the list, he takes the pre-
caution TO jot down the date on a desk
pad. He has never overlooked a bet
of this sort up to the hour of this
writing. but he never feels entirely
safe against the future. When one
stops 10 think that a man will often
forget 10 send flowers home on his
wedding anniversary, II is hardly to
be expected that Cooke-who after all
is human-might not become absent
minded some day. and slide past the
/ birthday OF a man like the car, for
example with whom he has had little
more than the scantiest acquaintance.
In wiring CONGRATULATIONS to the big
chief of a country that ranks In the
I first division. like England or Ger
many. custom has decided that a
cablegram of from 80 TO 100 words is
about right. \ message that long costs
/ money, Of course, but il is not con-
sidered best for country 10 be too
| close listed or to bubble over a few
dollars in cable tolls. The idea of a
president or a secretary of state sitting
\ at his desk with his tongue tucked
against one cheek endeavoring TO boil
down his message TO ten words might
1 seem like carrying economy to
| extremes.
Just the word "congrat04ations"
\ or regards" would answer. perhaps.
/ but whoever started the custom was a
needless person who doubtless had
been made verbose by the ranking
privilege. Now il is too late 10 cut
! down. Inasmuch as a rulers birthday
\ falls on the same day year after year,
much expense could be saved the tax
\ payers by simply sending a few words
1 OF good cheer by letter or souvenir
| postcard: but a cable gi'es the i'm
preston that the preside 1 suddenly