South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1914-02-03
STA TESMEN
REAL AND NEAR
BY FRED C. KELLY.


ON the second night, a branch Of
sleepy-eyed statesmen bent yawnful-
Is over their task from noon until to-
ward midnight without pausing to eat
food. That did not make any hit at
all with Sen. John +. SkafrOth of
Colorado. He conceded that states
manship on an empty stomach may
snow a lovely spirit of zeal and self
immolation, but so far as ne person
ally was concerned, he could serve his
country while also serving himself
food at reasonable intervals Feeling
as he did about it, Shafroth had in
sisted on getting in three meals a day
regardless.
Now Shafroth by the way. is known
as Apple Pie John" owing TO a GER
tain incident that occurred when he
was governor of Colorado. a clerk IN
one of the state departments had
turned in an expense account contain
ing an item of $3.50 for lunch and
Shafroth refused to let ii be paid. He
said there was no sense in any one
eating $3.50 worth OF food for lunch
con.
What would Sou consider proper"
they asked him.
"A piece of apple pie and a glass of
milk" he answered. And he has
been, Apple Pie John" ever since.
But were Straying from our tale.
After the members of the conference
committee had tasted for u hours on
the last night of their sessions, Sha-
froth insisted that ne never could see
any sport in endurance tests and that
they ought TO pause to rustic some
rations.
'Ah. but we can get all through in
another hour or two" they told Sha-
froth, and then we can eat with
light hearts"
you'll have light hearts and you
must have light appetites," retOrted
Shafroth. "Oh, gentlemen. I pray you
let US take an hour right now for
the purpose of associating ourselves
with food. I'm starving"
He made his plea with such earn
estness that the others relented and
they sent, a messenger for coffee and
sandwiches. While they were eating
ShafrOth strolled out into the next
room. When they were ready to re-
sumo deliberations Sen. Reed called
70 Shafroth TO come on back in, but
ShafrOth did not hear him.
Then Reed, with a knowing wink at
his companions, remarked:
This apple pie is mighty good"
Instantly Shafroth came bounding
in. And when he learned that there
really wasn't any apple pie he was a
disappointed man.
Uncle Jeremiah Donovan, member
of congress from Connecticut -
though he looks like a Confederate
colonel-always carries a sack of
mOlasses candy in one pocket and a
sack of peanuts in another. The pea.
nuts are for the squirrels about the
capitol grounds, and the candy is forl
himself. For years Donovan has beent
known among the folks at home aa
the foremost judge of oysters in those
parts. But he likes candy even bet4
/ ter than oysters. He will eat any
kind of candy. but molasses taffy is
his speciality. Although he was in the
+ LIQUOR business at one time. Uncle
Jeremiah doesn't drink or smoke and
( candy-eating is his pain vice-that
/ and horses. When h& is at home he
drives a spirited team, and except in
/ extremely cold weather drives in his
shirt sleeves without any hat Candy,
4 however. probably gives him his
greatest pleasure. When other states
men retire for a quiet smoke. Dono-
van reaches for the little sack in his
coat pocket.
Some time ago Donovan and Rep.
Hobson fell into a dispute on the
floor and nearly got into a fist fight
After ii was over Uncle Jeremiah
walked over to his office curled UP
in a big leather chair and quietly
munched 10 cents worth of taffy.
One morning a covey of Ccnnecti-
cut young women who were here at
big suffrage cOnclaye, dropped into
! Donovan's office 10 learn what he was
I willing to do for the cause.
What is the attitude of you ladies
in regard to fish ?" was the congress-
mans irreverent question.
Fish,
Yes, L see by the morning papers
that fish have gone up So a barrel.
What are you going to do about it?"
Its the first we'd heard of it."
Why, my dear young women, -
said Donovan, in a panied tone. "do
you mean to tell me that when so i'm
pOrtant an article of diet as fish goes
up in price you don't even know about
I it? And you're not going to bring
the matter up at your meeting? Is
that the way you're going to look
after things when you have the bal
LOTT"
And with a shake of his head he
walked out the door and left them
Victor Murdoch went % to New
York recently 10 make a speech be-
fore a social welfare club. When he
was ready to talk he looked over the
audience and noted that it was COM
I posed of women, all except one lone
man. SO he began:
Ladies and my dear sir
Wait, there's even more To the
story.
When the speech was over. Victor
said:
In my country il is customary for
a preacher after he has delivered his
d. sermon to take his place at the rear
f and shake hands with everybody as
they pass out the door" And so say
ing he proceeded back toward the
+ door.
But there were two doors and near
I ~ everybody went out the door where
/ Victor wasn't.
That" says Victor. lis the efete
casts idea of a practical joke"
t Copyright. 1914. by Fred c. Kelly
All rights reserved
Exemption from the provisions Of
the Sherman antitrust law is the
.rar-