The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1914-11-30
Saturday Night Club Toasted
Distinguished Guests.
Hodges. Capper and Allen
Held Up to View
BY RUTHLESS JOkESMITHS
Thirty.SecOnd Annual Talkfest
Held at Elks Club.
Made Merry at Expense OF fa-
vOrite Sons of Kansas.

Somewhere in Topeka is a disap-
pointed darby who came near spolnne
one of the stunts at the Saturuay
Night club banquet by swiplne ~
bottles Of imitation whisky whicn con
stituted one Of the properties" IN tns
act in which Zell Hopkins helpeo
burlesoue scene in the office OF
United States district attorney Inc
whisky was to be displayed as evil
dence in a case represented 10 We -
progress through the fedora! courts;
In default Of the real thing. zen na a.,
obtained two Of the small bottles IN
which whisky samples are put up ano
at a drug store had them filled win
a mixture of diluted sulphur1c ACID OF
about the right color.
Along with some other impedimenta
connected with his part IN the per
Torrance last Saturday night, HOPKINS
placed the two small bottles on a WIN
dow sill in the room in the Elks. ciun
house where the caterer marsnaieo
her forces for serving the evening $
repast. This was before the banquet
began and a number of agile and eff
ficient servitOrs were in the vicinity
when Hopkins deposited his props
until such time as they would De re-
Quired.
A lone and unprotected bottle OF
whisky left in such company may Wen
thought wise to take. precautlOns
that his imitation booze be not dis
turbed.
Here" he said to one of the
walters, tell the other boys not to
take those bottles. They have sui
phuric acid in them instead of whisky.
and if anybody should take a drink
out of one Of them he'd need doc
tor. It's poison" =.
"Yassir, they'll be safe right there"
responded the waiter. who neverthe.
less eyed the exhibit with wistful
look. Perhaps he'd heard whisky re-
ferred to as poison before.
1t was two hours before HopklnS
part in the performance came around,
but when he went for his things on
the window sill there were no whisky
bottles. They had vanished. There
was quite a scurrying and flood OF
denials when attention was directed to
the disappearance, but no whisky bot
ties ever came back. Hop finished
his part on the program with a gallon
affair originally designed for tomato
catsup.
After the serving had finished and
the things were cleared away, three
kinky heads were observed close to-
gether near a door. A listener over
heard a fragment of a discourse on
the properties of sulphuric acid:
THAT'S what they make electric
currents out of. II a man was to
swallow some of it, he would get cleo
trified inside and it would eat holes
all through him like a piece Of
cheese"
Saturday Night club diners rarely
have indigestion. 1t is not the dietary,
for they eat anything that comes along
and there is usually an abundance
But it is the one occasion of the year
when distinguished citizens are told
l. T.
friends, and good digestion waits on
mirthful company. The Saturday
Night club is not notorious for the
delicacy Of its fun, nor for it's con-
sideration Of the sensibilities of its
victims, yet men travel clear across
sings and arrows of the outrageous
jokesmiths among the members Of the
organization. Henry Allen came all
the way from Wichita to see T. A. Nc
Neal execute one of the funniest bur-
lesque representations Of an Allen po-
also mentioned in the dispatches
which were projected upon a screen
or read aloud by Frank FARRELL Here
is a sample:
Blue Point Bay.
Henry J. Allen:
Has there been rain out in Kan
sas. or what was it that put out the
fire 1 started:
THEODORE ROOSEVELT"
For thirty-two years the club has
been holding annual gatherings which
have progressed from the elemental
stage when bucket Of suds, a chunk
of cheese and a sack of soda-crackers
devoured in a musty law-office by gas
light. furnished the place now occu-
pied by the most skillful production Of
an experienced caterer working inside
limit Of two dollars a throw There
are only thirty-five or forty members
of the club. Nearly $50 guests sat down
with them Saturday night in the Elks
club hall. As is to be expected in Kan
sas where mems calling cards, walking
sticks and dress suits become oxidized
from lack of use. the gathering was toll
erably informal. Tango shirts hob
nobbed with red ties and all was well.
II Is easier to acquire the most festive
OF scenery suitable to such an occasion
than it is to get an invitation.
Before this goes any farther the
writer wants to pay his respects to the
Santa Fe Apprentice orchestra. the
same one which is drafted to discourse
sweet strains Of music on those select
occasions when President Ripley or dis
tinguished members of the board of di-
rectors come out to inspect the plant
from which the annual dividends are
distributed. 1t is a good orchestra. due
to the support and direction of John
IuLceH. All oi tne music Tor Saturday
nights program was specially COM
posed for the occasion by Frank W.
Thomas. dean of the Santa FEES an
prentice school.
An Evening of Fun,
Nobody who has not been there either
IN the capacity OF banqueter, a waiter
or newspaper reporter will ever have
an adequate notion of the extent Of The
robustness INDUCED at one of these an
nual functions. A vague notion Of its
trend may be gathered from an ex-
animation of the entertainment nun
Ders. as announced In the program, If
accompanied BY a few explanatory no,
marks and some additions: The pro-
gram said: p'o
George H. Hodges-Born in wiscon-
sin; date of birth unknown. Dealer in
lumber quick lime. cement and hair.
sNot a MEMBER OF the trust.) Resi-
Arthur Capner-Rorn In