Daily capital journal. (Salem, Oregon) 1903-1919, 1914-10-28

would notice the elegant diction and
realize that II was Colonel Wood speak.
| ing, and that he really looks more like
Frederick A. Douglass, the great negro
orator, than he does like Bill. One
thing we can assure our readers is that
il Bill should 60 away and leave us,
any picturesqueness Of which he de.
prives the state will be made up by
Colonel Wood with interest.
| In order that you may know what
it's all about, I'VE win state that the
Corbetts and Colonel Wood and Bill
are all tied up together in n big ranch
over in eastern Oregon. They have
not any representative in the United
States senate and they want one.
Colonel Wood is fine corporation law.
yer and a brilliant speaker and would
make them n crackeriack Of senator,
but he can't get away to go to Wash.
Iington-thc voters won't let him. The
Corbotts can't go, az they are all too
busy counting their money. So among
them they have decided to send Bill.
Naturally the Corbotts are supposed
TO furnish the moRey-though they
are apparently letting go Of il slowly.
as the colonel says he and Bill have no
campaign fund with which to buy space
In the dirty newspapers. Colonel Wood
has already furnished the brains and
as Bill cnu' I tall, for sour apples, the
colonel is now furnishing the oratory.
Bill is supposed to look picturesque and
receptive and wait for the train.
The rest will be easy. Colonel Wood
demonstrates this by reference TO Bill Is
platform which he knows by heart and
can recite offhand backwards or for.
wards without mistake. WHY
shouldn' Y hei He wrote Il. He knows
more about II and what y in Il, and
what II means and doesn't mean, In
d minute than Bill docs IN two thou.
sand centuries. The only part he didn 7
recitc here was where II says ''I do not
favor prohibition. Otherwise the
colonel took up his splendid Wood strue.
ture, plank by plank and showed how
Bill will 20 down TO Washington In his
best red nccktic and exhibit the plat.
form and look the senate over and asl,
the president a few questions the
next day he will get back $4,000 200 of
which We were robbed by the rcclamu.
tion bill.
That will be about the first Monday
after the saturday that Bin arrives on.
Sunday he will locate the capitol build.
Ing. Tuesday he will unpack his trunk.
On Wednesday he will tie up Oregon y
resources so that nobody outside the
state can monkey with them. Thurs.
day morning bright and oarly he will
arrange to irrigutc the waste places of
the Stuto and make homes for the sur.
plus population of the congcsted uni
verse In the afternoon he will build
highwaye all over the state and u ruil
road to the southern Oregon coast
where he will dig port. While he Is
at i he win also dig some ports NJ
Portland and Astoria.
Friday Bin will fix tho labor qucs.
tiou, capital, corporations, trusts, com.
mcrce, mining aud woman suffrage
while the rest Of the senate looks NJ
him through pieces Of smoked glass. or
hides In the cyclone cellar out behind
the White House. In onsc nnvthinp
clso should need fixing, Colonel Wood
will tell Bin what Il Is and how To fix
H. Saturday Rill viii adjourn con.
gress and come home, Colonel Wood
expressed surprise that Senator Cham.
hcrloin has failed 20 attend 10 these
trivial muttrrs which man Of Rill'S
genius could eusily grt away with In
u week at the most. hy amply making
the rest Of the United States stop run.
ming for few days.
The Orntury OF Colonel Wood not on.
ly convinced many that Bil will cnrry
out this program with Que hand ticu
behind his back, but also that his dis.
coyery.-in the quiet atmosphere Of
Bnrns--is second only 10 the great dis
eoveSy which Columbus is amid TO have
made IN liaa, or that which DR.. Cook
made some years lnter To prove that
Bill is a wonder, the colonel cites what
a great attraction he was on the "gov.