davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Parma herald. (Parma, Idaho) 1903-1917, 1914-07-09
Small Town LImerIcks.

Small Town Limericks.
There was a young maiden of Lind,
Who blushed and most frequently
grinned
But she caught on, you know,
With the big passing show.
And quite quickly had everyone
skinned
An old gaffer lived at Nez Perez
Who never. would drink. chew MOI
curse,
His passion he'd check,
But he once said: by Hecki"
Then drifted from bad unto worsei
A matron with kids in Clealum
Could never dope out what could al
em.
She'd dose them with oil
Till their blood would fair boil,
Then quietly turn round and whale
'eml
The Parma herald. (Parma, Idaho) 1903-1917, 1914-07-09

weight, thin pale cheeks, and that weari-
ness of muscle and nerve that is generally
experienced by all sufferers with poisoned
blood
Get a bottle of S. S. S. at any drug
store, and in a few days you will not only
feel bright, and energetic, but you VIII be
the picture OF new life.
s. s. S. Is prepared only IN the labora-
tory of the Swift Specific Co.. POI swift
Bldg, Atlanta Ca, who maintain very
efficient Medical Department, where al who
have any blood disorder OF stubborn
nature may write freely for advice
s. s. s. is sold everywhere by all drug
sSclss-
Beware of all attempts to sell you some
thing Just as good" Insist upon s. y 4
The Parma herald. (Parma, Idaho) 1903-1917, 1914-07-09
Archduke Left 500. 900.

Vienna-It is said that Emperor
Francis Joseph has granted an annual
allowance to the late Archduke's chill
dren of $4,000 1t is estimated the
Archduke's fortune was under $500,
900, insufficient for the up-keep of his
castles, which therefore must be sold.
The Parma herald. (Parma, Idaho) 1903-1917, 1914-07-09

That's a funny sort OF interpreter
you have here. He never says a
word"
He's a poor deaf and dumb man we
are trying to help. Everyone must
live. you know.-Journal Amusant.
The Parma herald. (Parma, Idaho) 1903-1917, 1914-07-09
Mental Reserve.
Tacoma, W ashingSol

Gentlemen, l can't lie about the
horse; he is blind in one eye" said
the auctioneer.
The horse was soon knocked down
to a citizen, who had been greatly
struck by the auctioneer's honesty.
After paying for the horse he said
"You were honest euorvh to toll
that this animal is blind in one eye.
Is there any other defect?
Eyes, sir; there is. He is also blind
in the other eye" was the prompt re
ply.-New York Globe.
The Parma herald. (Parma, Idaho) 1903-1917, 1914-07-09
RESINOl CLEARS
PIMPLY, BIOTCHY SKINS

Pimples and blackheads disappear.
red, rough, ugly compilations become
clean, clear, and velvety, and hair
health and beauty are promoted by
the regular use of resinol soap and an
occasional application of resinol ONT
ment. These soothing, healing prepa-
rations do their work easily, quickly
and at little cost, even when the most
expensive cosmetics and complicated
beauty treatments" fail.
Resinol soap and resinol ointment
heal eczema, letter, ringworm, psoria-
sis and other skin eruptions, stop itch
ing instantly, and are most valuable
for sunburn. insect bites, sores, burns,
boils, piles, etc. Sold by all druggists.
ADV.
The Parma herald. (Parma, Idaho) 1903-1917, 1914-07-09
The Psychological Moment,

How is it, colonel" asked the hope
full young bunko steerer, addressing
the hoary-headed master of the craft
that you have always been successful
in picking out juicy suckers and never
have to waste time on Improbable
subjects?"
Il simply wait till hear a man say
he is a pretty good judge of human
nature" replied the veteran, land then
l know he is Just what | am looking
for. Punch. -
The Parma herald. (Parma, Idaho) 1903-1917, 1914-07-09
Island Strife Spreads.

Washington. D. Dominican rev.
olutionists have been defeated at San
Pedro Macrois, on the southern coast
of the island, according to reports to
the State department. This is the
second battle on the south coast, in
dicating the spread of hostitlities,
which until recently had been con-
fined to Puerto Plata and the northern
districts.
The Parma herald. (Parma, Idaho) 1903-1917, 1914-07-09

MARY, why didn't you sound the
dinner gong?"
please, IN, couldn't find it."
"Why, there it is on the hall tablet"
"Please, IN, you said this morning
that was the breakfast gong. The
Sketch
The Parma herald. (Parma, Idaho) 1903-1917, 1914-07-09
A Speaker All Rlqht.

wife-who is that man you just
spoke to?
Husband-Oh. he was the principal
speaker at place ! was at yester.
day.
"A speaker. did you say?"
Yes; he was the boss barber"
The Parma herald. (Parma, Idaho) 1903-1917, 1914-07-09
Interested in the Study of Navigation.

Interested IN the Study Of Navigation.
Mrs. Brundage ESQ we are informed
by Everybody's chestnut gatherer)
was crossing the ocean for the first
time. One morning, as the captain
was standing near her, she said:
Pardon my ignorance, but how do
you manage to find your way across
the trackless ocean,"
by means of the compass. madam, -
replied the gallant captain. THE
needle invariably points north"
But" queried the woman, suppose
you wish to go south ?"
The Parma herald. (Parma, Idaho) 1903-1917, 1914-07-09

Book Agent-Could I have your sub
scription for this book?
Stout Gentleman-Get outi You
can't sell me any book
Book Agent (making for the door,
Il suppose the only thing you read
is bill of fare.-London Opinion.
The Parma herald. (Parma, Idaho) 1903-1917, 1914-07-09
Tough One.

Old Scotch Woman.-The last steak
l got frae We l could haze soled ma
boots wi it.
Butcher-And why did ye no dae it?
Woman-So wild if | could hae got
the pegs tae gang through it-Boston
Transcript.
The Parma herald. (Parma, Idaho) 1903-1917, 1914-07-09
Foroot Mother.

Johnny-You're the meanest, hate
fullest, spitefulest thing / know.
Tomny-And you're the crabbedest,
ugliest-
Father-Boys, 5oysl You forget that
your mother is in the room
The Parma herald. (Parma, Idaho) 1903-1917, 1914-07-09
YOUTHELENE

1t will do all the name implies. AGENTS
WANTED. Men and women to intro
duce Youthelene products to consumers.
Big money. Write for offer. Schwinge
Bros, 229 Madison ST., Portland, Or.
The Parma herald. (Parma, Idaho) 1903-1917, 1914-07-09

wife-Do you like this pudding.
dear? Mrs. McBryde gave me the re
ripe for it.
Hub-No; but / guess you can get
square with her by giving her your
recipe for mince pies.
The Parma herald. (Parma, Idaho) 1903-1917, 1914-07-09
Human Rivalry.

Don't you dislike a man who as
sumes to know more than his Official
associates?" asked one statesman.
YES" replied the other. "Particu.
larly II he makes good"
The Parma herald. (Parma, Idaho) 1903-1917, 1914-07-09
Sounds Likely.

Teacher-Where is Chile?
Berthe (venturing guess)-I-l-l
think it is in the arctic circle.-Tit-
Bits.
The Parma herald. (Parma, Idaho) 1903-1917, 1914-07-09

Jack-Bridget. did my wife just
come in?
Bridget-No, sir. That's the parrot
you hear a-hollering.-Judge.
The Parma herald. (Parma, Idaho) 1903-1917, 1914-07-09

"Ho everyone that thirsteth,"
Is advice nobody takes,
lust step inside thirst shop
And you'll find it full of rakesl
The Parma herald. (Parma, Idaho) 1903-1917, 1914-07-09
Putnam Fadeless Dyes guaran-
tee satisfaction.

The man who goes to sleep in
church was scored by a minister. No
excuse for him with so many shady
parks all around.
The Parma herald. (Parma, Idaho) 1903-1917, 1914-07-09

Another great calamity,
And serious at that,
With the season now half over.
We must buy new straw hat.
The Parma herald. (Parma, Idaho) 1903-1917, 1914-07-09

Wright's Indian Vegetable Pills put
the stomach in good condition in a
short time. Try them for Sick Stom-
lch, Biliousness and Indigestion. Adv.
The Parma herald. (Parma, Idaho) 1903-1917, 1914-07-09

A millionaire rescued four people in
Wisconsin, but the trust busters will
declare they owed him money or some
thing
The Parma herald. (Parma, Idaho) 1903-1917, 1914-07-09
Restless Nature

Wife-I would like to see a time
when there was nothing to do.
Hub-Well, if there was I'll be
hanged if you'd do it.-Boston Trans
cript.
The Parma herald. (Parma, Idaho) 1903-1917, 1914-07-09

Sometimes an accident happens just
as an aviator is leaving the earth and
often it doesn't stop him from leaving
it.
The Parma herald. (Parma, Idaho) 1903-1917, 1914-07-09

According to the weather man those
rare days in June this year were just
trifle rarer than ordinary.
The Parma herald. (Parma, Idaho) 1903-1917, 1914-07-09
Grouchy.

Student-How do you pronounce it,
professor, "maxixe" or 'macheech" ?
Old Dryasdust-Neither, sir. | pro
nounce it rank foolishness and waste
of time.
The Parma herald. (Parma, Idaho) 1903-1917, 1914-07-09

The Nichi Nichi, a Japanese news
paper, is violent toward Uncle Samuel.
But then he'll probably only scratch
an Nichi Nichi attack.
The Parma herald. (Parma, Idaho) 1903-1917, 1914-07-09

A yard is enough for kiss, says a
movies censor. A coy corner is am
pie. Why fill a whole yard?
The Parma herald. (Parma, Idaho) 1903-1917, 1914-07-09

AS yet the aeroplane joyriders have
not made their appearance, but some
night they'll break into that Parkwa-
ter hangar.
The Parma herald. (Parma, Idaho) 1903-1917, 1914-07-09

Suffragette aides were ducked in
London. No wonder, after the way
royalty has been ducking the suffra-
gettes.
The Parma herald. (Parma, Idaho) 1903-1917, 1914-07-09

Those suffragettes are successful in
some things. One was a good shot
and plugged the kings hat with a
bundle of literature" 1t wasn't light
reading.
The Parma herald. (Parma, Idaho) 1903-1917, 1914-07-09

A policeman arrested a skeleton,
but there were no bones in it for him.
The Parma herald. (Parma, Idaho) 1903-1917, 1914-07-09

Residents of two Ohio villages re
Gently killed 10000 rats in month.
The Parma herald. (Parma, Idaho) 1903-1917, 1914-07-09

Spring fever has nothing at all on
the vacation bacillus as a promoter of
lassitude.
The Parma herald. (Parma, Idaho) 1903-1917, 1914-07-09

A 10000 acre vanilla plantation is
planned for the island of Tahiti.
The Parma herald. (Parma, Idaho) 1903-1917, 1914-07-09

The way of the joyrider is hard on
the man whose car they steal.
The Parma herald. (Parma, Idaho) 1903-1917, 1914-07-09

Modern Woodmen will get lower in
surance rates. You would naturally
expect them to use the AK
The Parma herald. (Parma, Idaho) 1903-1917, 1914-07-09

The Idaho bean crop covers $500
acres, and there are prospects for a
good crop of pork to go with them.
The Parma herald. (Parma, Idaho) 1903-1917, 1914-07-09

The language of the flowers must
be a dead one to the child who makes
576 of paper for 10 cents.
The Parma herald. (Parma, Idaho) 1903-1917, 1914-07-09

He bought a cannon cracker,
Filled with dynamite;
He looked to see If it was out
III; ??l Good night
The Parma herald. (Parma, Idaho) 1903-1917, 1914-07-09

must be answered by office help trained
to execute the command promptly.
By placing yourself under the guild
ance of our expert teachers, you can be
trained in all departments of Office
work-ready to respond to the man
ayers call instantly. Write for caia-
log today. A position guaranteed.
BEUTEL BUSINESS COLLEGE
Tacoma, Washington.
The Parma herald. (Parma, Idaho) 1903-1917, 1914-07-09

The population of Ireland has been
almost cut in two in rs years.
The Parma herald. (Parma, Idaho) 1903-1917, 1914-07-09

YOUR OWN DRUGGIST WILL TELL you
Try Murine Eye Remedy for Red. Weak, Watery
Eyes and Granulated Eyelids; No Smarting-
just Eye Comfort Write for Book of the Eye
by mail Free Murine Eye Remedy Co., Chicago.
The Parma herald. (Parma, Idaho) 1903-1917, 1914-07-09

milkman in Paris shot million
aire because he said the latter started
creamery and took the cream of
his business.
The Parma herald. (Parma, Idaho) 1903-1917, 1914-07-09
SECONDHAND MACHINERY

Fought. sold and exchanged: engines boilers
sawmills, etc. Send for Stock List and Pricea
THE j. E. MARTIN CO.. So LIST ST.. Portland. Or
The commonwealth. (Scotland Neck, N.C.) 1896-1929, 1914-07-23

Since the road commissioners
haven't paid any attention to the
sorry, old, rotten, dilapidated and
dangerous bridges between here
and Speeds, The Commonwealth
here now offers a resolution that
will give the commissioner, who has
charge of this end Of the county's
road building, farm on the end Of
every road that has bridges that
need repairing. of course this
would be rather expensive, but the
bridges like they are now, are dan
gerous, and we must have better
ones even if we have to buy two .or
three farms for our commissioner.
The commonwealth. (Scotland Neck, N.C.) 1896-1929, 1914-07-23

Some days ago The Common
wealth received a card from Mr.. A.
Nonomous, asking whether tn e
Graded School grounds ought to be
used for summer play ground dur
ing the school vacation, or whether
1t vas being fifty used as pastur-
ing grounds for neighbors' COWS.
When the party sending this card
signs his own name to communi-
cation addressed to the Common
wealth, the editor will take pleasure
in "Wiseing" him up whether or not
these female bovines should nibble
the campus turf.
The commonwealth. (Scotland Neck, N.C.) 1896-1929, 1914-07-23
Executors Notice

Having qualified as executors of
the estate Of Handy Todd, deceased,
late Of Halifax county, North Caro-
lima, this is to notify all persons
having claims against the estate of
said deceased to exhibit them to the
undersigned on or before the 10Th
day of July, 1915, or this notice will
be pleaded in bar of their recovery.
All persons indebted to said estate
will please make immediate pay
ment. This July Is, 1914.
ASHBY DUNN
EDWARD BYRD
The commonwealth. (Scotland Neck, N.C.) 1896-1929, 1914-07-23

We think about the best way for
Square Darden and Mr.. Long to
settle their claims on the Legisla-
ture is to give each ten pounds of
Browns Mule, the one hurting the
juice therefrom the farthest dis
lance winning the seat. (For fur
Their information about the expec-
torating merits of Mr.. Long see the
janitor of the Halifax county court
house.)
The commonwealth. (Scotland Neck, N.C.) 1896-1929, 1914-07-23

A Nation, Illinois, man is offer
ing for sale log cabin in which
Abraham Lincoln lived while study
ing law. That's the limit. And we
hereby serve notice on all people
that no cabin which we may have
graced in lifetime is to be peddled
around after we are dead. Yet we
have no serious objections to- ener-
getic local merchants using them
for window displays.
The commonwealth. (Scotland Neck, N.C.) 1896-1929, 1914-07-23

Wonder what Editor Standpat, Of
the Roaring Noke Her-all, has done
about the Coast Line extension while
boosting the candidacy of Wistful
Wylie? Nope, just wondering,
that's all.
The commonwealth. (Scotland Neck, N.C.) 1896-1929, 1914-07-23

If you are just pining for a chance
to part with your money go out and
buy your wife new 1915 model six
cylinder washing machine.
The commonwealth. (Scotland Neck, N.C.) 1896-1929, 1914-07-23

The Williamson Enterprise which
usually comes to our desk clean and
]o-ible, blew in 'tother day with the
= Jsmopolitis.' 1t was so badly
specked that we are afraid that
swat the fly" slogan has not reach
ed the metropolis Of Martin yet.
The commonwealth. (Scotland Neck, N.C.) 1896-1929, 1914-07-23

We admire President Wilson's
course in comforting with the lead
ing business men of the country, but
feel slightly peeved because we were
n 1t included in the invitation. How
ever, we have hopes that some good
may result from the conferences.
The commonwealth. (Scotland Neck, N.C.) 1896-1929, 1914-07-23

We have heard that one or two Of
the county candidates are sure of
carrying Martin and Edgecombe
counties.
The commonwealth. (Scotland Neck, N.C.) 1896-1929, 1914-07-23

A Chicago judge leads the van in
inficting severe punishment upon
offenders. The sentence passed
upon one culprit was that he Find
wife and get married within one
year"
The commonwealth. (Scotland Neck, N.C.) 1896-1929, 1914-07-23

George Fred Williams has ceased
to be diplomat, but he has the
satisfaction Of knowing that he blew
up with loud report.
The commonwealth. (Scotland Neck, N.C.) 1896-1929, 1914-07-23

1t is said women workers in France
turn out ready made suits for 20
cents. Let's goi
The commonwealth. (Scotland Neck, N.C.) 1896-1929, 1914-07-23

Lest we forget, will Brother Stain
back tell US how his spouse stands on
the new county proposition? Come
on, tell us!
The commonwealth. (Scotland Neck, N.C.) 1896-1929, 1914-07-23

Distressing oversight! John D.
Rockefeller has not been invited to
discuss big business with the Presi-
dent.
The commonwealth. (Scotland Neck, N.C.) 1896-1929, 1914-07-23
Weekend and Summer
EXCURSION RATES
to the Seashore via the ATLANTIC
COAST LINE, the Standard
Railroad OF the South
Refund Trip Rates from Scot. Neck

To Washington, D. c.. 5000
To Baltimore, Md, $50
To New York City, 1910
Tickets on sale every day until
September Goth, via Norfolk and
Steamer, with final return limit Oc-
tober 81, 1914.
To Wrightsville Beach, $7.45
Tickets on sale every day until
September 30th, with final return
limit October 81, 1914.
To Wilmington, N. c., $500
To Norfolk, Va, 1925
Tickets on sale for all trains each
Saturday and for all forenoon trains
each Sunday until September 13,
1914, limited returning to midnight
Of Tuesday next following date of
sale.
For summer excursion rates to
many mountain, lake and pleasure
resorts and for any other Informal
ton, reservations, etc., call on EPP
l.. BROWN, Ticket Agent, or ad-
dress W. J. Craig, Passenger Traffic
| Manager. or T. G. White, General
Passenger Agent, Wilmington, N. c..
The commonwealth. (Scotland Neck, N.C.) 1896-1929, 1914-07-23

How can candidate expect the
papers to be for him when he hasn't
said anything about barbecue yet?
The commonwealth. (Scotland Neck, N.C.) 1896-1929, 1914-07-23

Doctors advise ''lolling" as an aid
to long life. In that case some men
ought to live forever.
The commonwealth. (Scotland Neck, N.C.) 1896-1929, 1914-07-23

Bumper crops this year. is the
cheerful word from Washington.
Give US the crops without the bumps.
The commonwealth. (Scotland Neck, N.C.) 1896-1929, 1914-07-23

Many a man sends money to the
heather when he won't give poor
neighbor a pleasant look.
The commonwealth. (Scotland Neck, N.C.) 1896-1929, 1914-07-23

If it takes diamond to cut dia
mond, won't it take a ring to go
around ring?
The commonwealth. (Scotland Neck, N.C.) 1896-1929, 1914-07-23

Entered at the postoHce at Scotland
Neck, N. c., az Second Glass Matter.
The commonwealth. (Scotland Neck, N.C.) 1896-1929, 1914-07-23

One more run, Judge, and you'll
rival. Bill Bryan for the number Of
political races.
The commonwealth. (Scotland Neck, N.C.) 1896-1929, 1914-07-23

Huerta voted for himself for
President of Mexico, and that made
him the unanimous choice, etc., and
again, etc.
The commonwealth. (Scotland Neck, N.C.) 1896-1929, 1914-07-23

To make your scarecrow effective
it should resemble bill collector.
The commonwealth. (Scotland Neck, N.C.) 1896-1929, 1914-07-23
Majority Of Friends Thought Mr.
Hughes Would Die, But
One Helped Him to
Recovery.


Porneroyton, Ky.-ln interesting ad-
vices from this place, Mr.. A. ]. Hughes
writes as follows: 81 was down with
stomach trouble for five (5) years, and
would have sick headache so bad, at
times, that thought surely would die.
tried different treatments, but they
did not seem to do me any good.
i got so bad, could not eat or sleep,
and all my friends, except one, thought
would die. He advised me to try
Thedford's Black-Draught, and quit
The commonwealth. (Scotland Neck, N.C.) 1896-1929, 1914-07-23
Woods Seeds
SeedPOtatOeS
FOR FALL CROP.

The planting of Seed Potatoes
in June and July is increasing to
a wonderful extent. A great
many farmers claim that they
give better crops planted at this
time than they do when planted
in the spring. Potatoes planted
in June and July mature in the
cool weather Of the fall. at time
when they can be harvested to
best advantage. ....a,.~ !
The Seed Potatoes we ofe,
are put in cold storage early in
the season, so as to keep in first
class, vigorous condition.
sswood's Crop SpecaaI''
giving prices and fullinformation about
Late Seed Potatoes and all other Season
able Seeds. mailed free on request.
T. w. WOOD & SONS.
Seedsmen, Richmond, Va.
The commonwealth. (Scotland Neck, N.C.) 1896-1929, 1914-07-23

Some people never have any pain,
except the brand they inf1ict upon
others.
The commonwealth. (Scotland Neck, N.C.) 1896-1929, 1914-07-23
County Candidates, Take Notice.

During political campaign can
didate for the Legislature was driv-
ing through the country seeking
votes among the farmers when he
met young man in farmers garb
walking by the roadside
Having in his mind prospective
vote, he stopped his horse and sa-
lutlng the farmer in a familiar man
ner, inquired:
Are you paying any attention to
politics nowadays?"
The young man stopped, looked at
him suspiciously and draWled out:
"No, stranger; that don't happen
to be my gals name, but if it was l
wouldn't think it was any of your
business.
This ended the interview as we'll
as the process. National Monthly.
Scotland Neck is on a real, sure
enough boom, and no one will dare
deny it. Did you ever see things so
promising in these parts? And yet
we need several nice cottages to
accommodate those who want to be-
come Scotland Neckers.
The commonwealth. (Scotland Neck, N.C.) 1896-1929, 1914-07-23

Thursday, July %. 1914.
The commonwealth. (Scotland Neck, N.C.) 1896-1929, 1914-07-23
rHECOMMONWEALT'H.

PUBLISHED EVERY THURSDAY.
L. MILLS KlTCHIN, Editor and Proprietor.
The commonwealth. (Scotland Neck, N.C.) 1896-1929, 1914-07-23
STOMACH TROUBLE
FOR five YEARS

taking other medicines. ! decided to
take his advice, although l did not have
any confidence in it.
have now been taking Black-Draught
for three months, and it has cured me
haven't had those awful sick headaches
since began using it.
am so thankful for what Black
Draught has done for me-"
Thedford's Black-Draught has been
found very valuable medicine for de-
rangements of the stomach and liver. 1t
is composed of pure, vegetable herbs,
contains no dangerous ingredients, and
acts gently, yet surely. 1t can be freely
used by young and old, and should be
kept in every family chest.
Get package today.
Only quarter. Is
The commonwealth. (Scotland Neck, N.C.) 1896-1929, 1914-07-23

again, etc.
Daily independent. [volume] (Elko, Nev.) 188?-1915, 1914-04-24
OYSTER NOT GOOD FOR ALL
Many stomachs to Which Il Is Not a
Welcome Visitor, According
to Physician.


1t is popularity, supposed that the
oyster digests himself in the human
stomach owing to the great size of the
liver. which is crushed as mastica.
ton begins and Is thought to digest
b mollusk itself. AS the oyster,
moreover, contains some ten per cent
Of extremely assimilation protein, to-
gether with phosphorized fats and
glycogen, 1t has always been freely ad.
ministered to convalescents, while
dyspeptic bons WANTS have W.
hesitated to eat 1t abundantly.
Doctor Prom expresses the opinion
that the oyster may be allowed,
therefore, to those dyspeptics- whose
gastric functions are deficient, in
anorexla, gastric atony, ulcer and in.
cipient cancer, and to c~onvalescents
from acute disease, as 1t is likely to
improve the appetite and to excite the
stomach to increased motor and chem.
ical activity.
: But to the large number OF dyspep
tics whose ,stomachs are hyperacid or
representative Doctor Prom would
forbid the oyster as we'll as all other
stimulating foods. In many of these
dyspeptics the gastric secretion Is al
ready sufficient, and 1t Is un~necessary
and unwise to increase 1t: