The Palatka news and advertiser. [volume] (Palatka, Fla.) 1908-19??, 1914-11-27
The Telephone War.

The Bell Telephone Company an(
the Automatic Company, each hav'
advertisements in this issue of Tht
News. The editor asks as specia
favor that the people of Palatka will
read them both, and if he had a fur.
ther wish, it would be that they (the
people) will line up as evenly as pos
sible on one side and the other.
Nothing would please us better or
contribute more to our bank account
than the prolongation of this war.
Therefore it is essential that the peo-
pie should divide and get as warm
under the collar as possible.
We may be sordid, but we are hon
est, and therefore we make bold to
say that there is nothing more well
come in this office than a war among
the octopi, except it be two wars. The
beligerants buy advertising space,
at so much per inch. Merchants buy
by the inch; but sometimes when the
controversy gets heated, the octopi
buv by the foot.
Coming at this time, we really well
come the war with less fervor than
we would were it to come in mid-sum-
mcr when business is dull AMI the
merchants are taking stock and doz-
ing over a good season. Neverthe-
less we welcome it with all the fervor
we can muster at the pre-Chri5tmas
season.
The local representative of the Bell
octopus is Mr.. Thorpe; you all know
him and have long since discovered
that he is very pleasant gentleman.
Mr.. Thorpe really makes splendid
telephone oration. He made one in
this office the other day and when he
had concluded his peroration without
violence, we were overcome by his
eloquence to the point of taking it on
ourselves to invite him to make one
like it before mass meeting of clti-
zens in the board of trade rooms. But
Mr.. Thorpe said no. He said he was
attacked by stage fright every time
he tried to make a public talk. It's
too bad. Mr.. Thorpe has lived long
enough in Palatka to get next to us
all. In fact such a clean man as
Thorpe does not require much time
to get next. We all like him and can
readily forgive him for his connection
with an octopus-fact is we envy him
his connection. He knows the tele
phone business from to lizard, and
spent four years of his telephone ca
reer as an employe of the Automatic.
He knows 'em both. Before leaving
he gave US a good cigar.
The Automatic is represented by
Mr.. Metzner whose home is in Jack
sonville. He is also pleasant and en-
thusiastic. He had letters from Van
C. Swarengen and other eminent pol
iticians of Jacksonville to show that
he had character and other business
REQUESTS in abundance Mr.. Metzner
is, as we said, an enthusiast; he be-
lieves in the automatic; he talks it by
day and dreams it by night. He
wants the people of Palatka to enjoy
all the automatic blessings which have
been vouchsafed to him, and the only
way they can secure these blessings
is for the city to give him and his
compatriots franchise. The council
has turned him down once, hut that
doesn't seem to faze him; he believes
that when Priscilla the Puritan Maid
en- and poet laureat sang, "1f at first
YOU dor't succeed, try, try again"
she enunciated good telephone
doctrine and worthy of all
acceptation. He is trying again. He
is earnest; he is filled with facts and
few fancies; he is a diplomat in
whom there is no guile; he also gave
us cigar-a homemade cigar with
Havana filings and Tampa wrappings.
He also left something more substan-
tial-a good advertisement.
If the people will only read these
advertisements and divide themselves
into separate groups and grow vehe-
ment and belligerent, and cause the
war to go on indefinitely, thereby in
creasing our advertising patronage,
they will confer a favor-we need the
money.