South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1914-06-22
STATESMEN
REAL AND NEAR
BY FRED Q. KELLY.

WASHINGTON, June 22.-It is
necessarw to bear in mind through
out this story that Mr.. Bill Kettner'
member of congress from San Diego,
Cal, used to be life insurance
agent.
fast to that fact during the unfold
ing of our little narrative we can pro-
coed at once. Very well.
1t seems that there is some kind or
international Chamber of Commerce
meeting to take place in Paris this
summer, with delegates from various
large cities. The Chamber of Com
merce out in Bill Kettner's town
yearned TO be represented, and they
wrote to Kettner that he would sim
ply have to fix il. Sadly kettner
found that the list Of delegates had
already been made up. But day or
two later he learned to his great joy
that there was a bill pending which
gave the president of the United
States the right to name ten addition
al MISUNDERSTANDING Kettner skirm-
ished about and made arrangements
for the Chamber of Commerce in his
town to get one of these. Meanwhile
the San Diego folks, never doubling
that Kettner would be able to talk
the proper authorities into doing
whatever was wanted, had sent along
their delegate.
This delegate struck Washington
and Kettner's office in a great hurry,
saying that he had TO leave town that
afternoon at 2 o'clock and must have
his credentials at once, as he was to
sail from New York the next day.
But there was a hitch. The bill en-
titling the president to appoint Bill
Kettner's delegate had not yet been
e, l.
house and found that the bill was
there ready for signature.
"Ah, well them smiled Kettner,
well have the president sign ii at
once and my friend will just have
time TO catch his train"
But the president has just gone to
lunch" explained Tommy Brahany
one Of the smart young Irishmen who
looks after things at the executive
offices. He'll be gone for an hour or
So"
Gracious sakes alivel" exclaimed
kettner. It's too bad, but Wen sim
ply have to disturb him at his vic
tuals and let him sign the bill over
in the dining room. I'm sorry but
that's what We'll have to do"
"Oh, we couldn't do that" Brahany
told Kettner. II doubt if there is a
case on record where a president was
disturbed at his meal to sign a bill"
Cant help that" insisted Kettner.
IF we wait for the president TO fin
ish his dessert and come back here
my friend will miss his train. You
wouldn't stand idly by and see a man
miss a train would you?"
Well without going into further
details, kettner talked Brahany into
sending the bill over 10 the president
for signature. And Kettner's friend
made his train with a minute and
half 10 spare. Now you know why
I ii was necessary to bear in mind that
Kettner used to sell life insurance
before he came to congress.
Two men entered the office of Cong.
/ Bathrick almost simultaneously to
/ talk about the farm credit measure
! in which Bathrick had been inter-
I ested One OF the visitors was, frank
\ ly, just a plain farmer. from one OF
/ the Carolinas, with the kind OF
whiskers farmers wear in the comic
weeklies. and the warm weather was
/ the only reason he did not wear felt
! boots. The other one was 81 distin-
I guished doctor OF philosophy from
/ Columbia university. He had come
/ 10 discuss the farm credit bill from
/ the learned. economic, sociological.
/ philosophic angle. and he did so. As
+ he talked. the Carolina farmer lis
I tened with mouth agape, and seemed
! 10 be drinking in every word the
scholarly man said. 1t was evidently
/ his first contact with so much learn
/ ing, and he was receiving a liberal
/ education. So intent was he on not
missing any OF 1t, that he uttered
not single word until
But wait
The Columbia professor branched
\ of from farm credits ai4d talked Of
the Wall 81. point OF view.
Those fellows" says he. curse
and resent the facts that exist in
stead OF trying TO remedy the cOndi-
\ tons that bring them about. They're
I like the tyrants who beheaded the
: .ha. L.-.....-L.. L-..a