Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1914-01-24
FOOLISH QUERIES
SWAMP CLERK
At STATION
Terminal Man Gives 10000 An
swers Each Month to Informa-
tion-Seeking Public.

II YOU don't believe that most all "
mankind occasionally twists the
steering wheel Of its mental appartus
The wrong way, just slip into the
Terminal Station and stand for If
teen minutes before the wicket of the
Clearing House for Foolish Questions,
described in the Terminals advertis-
ing literature az the Bureau Of In
formation.
When you totter out into the fresh
air you'll not only be educated-youl
be what might possibly he called "reve-
lated" Two truths will have been
revealed unto you. viz:
!. That a certain part Of the brain
Of the average man, known as the
cercbrum, should be spelt with an
opening "v' and without the last r.
especially when the man is seeking
information
,. That the Gentleman from the
Tall Uncut" is not the only person on
earth who stalks up and asks a ques-
ton that. n it lived, would have d
chin; the Pride Of Peachtree and
Master Of the Head Waiter does it
about as often and fully as We'll.
Chief Clerk Handles Al Queries.
And If stiil you're not satisfied
call for J. |. Beall, chief clerk of the
bureau and let him talk to you.
Mr. Beall Is the Geni OF the Cues
tion-the man who grabs the Foolish
Question on the Wing, throttles all
the foolishness out of It, and hands
the answer back In neat and compact
form. ready for instant use. He'll tell
you anything you want to know, and
why he tells you, and why he knows
1t IS so And If you insist, he'll prob
ably tell you why you wanted to
know, why he knew it.. and so on,
ad infnitum
Mr.. Beall affirms that no man dare
attempt accurately to compute the
number of Crazy Inquiries he heark
ems to in the period of year. They
are simply incompatible. Some 5000
questions a day come hurting over
the telephone and buZzing through
the suffering atmosphere around the
wicket, and Mr.. Beall and his two
assistants catch them deXterously
and answer them eXpeditiously. Six
thousand a day for a month make
$780, 600 and--but go on, it's started.
Farmer Wiser Than City Man.
And it affords Mr.. BealI great pleas
ure to come hastily to the defense of
that portion of the population that
lives in the back districts and de-
votes it's energies to raising monster
cotton crops.
The farmer" he says. asks more
sensible questions, as rule, than
the city man does, particularly in the
rtatter OF the question that gives us
the most trouble, It's that old stand
by: When does my train leave| And
then the farmer, If he wishes to go
to burg that is nothing but a
switchtrack and grocery store,
doesn't hesitate to say so; while you'd
never get city man to admit that
he is bound for the little town.
For instance, maybe there's a sta
'tion between here and Birmingham
called Podunk If a farmer wants to
go to Podunk, he'll say "Podunk; IL
a city man wants tor has to-go
to Podunl he'll ask about the train
to Birmingham And well tell him
the time of our fastest train, of
course which probably doesn't stop
at Podunk at all-and he blames us
for his trouble.
Some Foolish Questions.
1T would be mighty hard TO believe
that people would ask the things they
do II | wasn't here and heard them.
I've had women walk up and blandly
ask if there was anyone at the depo;
to meet them; people come up here
and ask me if I've seen their little
boy who is roaming around the sta
ton somewhere and lot of them get
peeVed if we can't tell them right
away where their uncles or aunts OF
cousins live. They ask us how to get
to every place from the police station
to the headquarters of the Men and
Religion Forward Movement; they
ask our opinion on politics, and
whether the President will come
through Atlanta again soon, and one
smart man wanted to know one day
whether Charley Griffin the train
caller. grew his own voice or had II
grated onto him!
About a third of the questions We
answer come in over the telephone
Most of them are sensible enough
hut lot of them are as foolish as
those that are asked at the window
We have to decide all kinds of bets
and arguments, or rather, we are ask
ed To- all the way from poker prob
lens to how much Judge Broyle'
viii fine a man for kissing his sweet
| heart.
THE only two questions | ever wa!
asked which ! couldn't give some kin,
of an answer came in over the phone
one was from a man who wanted L
! know If Mars is inhabited. and tn
| other from a man who asked whethe
| Mohammed used cocaine or NOR
phine when he wrote the koran,