davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1914-05-07
ENLIvENED THE PLAY.
Sentiment and Impromptu Hurnor at q
Moving Picture Show.


where we went last night" said
a frequenter of moving picture shows,
there was a scene In one of the films
showing a man and a girl, young low
ers, kissing. She was a pretty girl
and he was a fine, manly, young fell
low. and of course everybody was
deeply interested in the picture. But
ut the precise instant that the lovers
lips met some man in the audience ex-
ploded with a gigantic sneeze, where
at the whole house blew up with spon-
taneous hilarious laughter.
'In this picture cen there was a
third figure, that of a man who had
seen the lovers meeting and who when
he saw them kiss turned away from
them to smile. He was, to be sure,
smiling over the lovers; but as he look
ed out on the house at this moment
with that smile on his face he seemed
like a real man smiling in appreciative
understanding of what had just hap
pened in the audience. At the sight of
his smiling face the audience again
blew up. But, of course, the pictures
kept on moving all the time, and in
half a minute the audience had once
more settled down to look on again at
the pictures in the usual quiet."-New
York Sun.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1914-05-07
The Thievina Ear of Corn.

Twelve ears of corn will plant an
acre. If one of the planted ears hap
pens to be mo good" there is a twelfth
of an acre missing. An acre of corn
may be worth $50 to $40, so to dis
cover a thieving ear is worth from
$3.50 to $3.50. One can pick out the
ears of poor termination at slight cost
if he will test his corn before he be-
comes rushed with spring work. And
while about it reject the ears that, al
though terminating, do not send up
strong, vigorous stalks. Lusty, vigor-
Gus young things grow surest into
profit, whether they be pigs, lambs.
colts or cornstalks. Breeders Gazette.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1914-05-07
Glas,e. ftted that win positivry

Glasses fitted that will POSITIVELY
relieve all eye-strain that causes
headache, dizziness, floating spots, ner-
vousness, sore and inflamed eyes, cross
eyes, cataract, and many serious reflex
nerve disturbances, without drugs or pain.
Not excelled by ocular medical science.
All cases examined by electric skias-
copy. revealing the slightest errors OF re-
fraction as well as any diseased or abnor-
NAL condition of the eyes.
Glasses made that WILL FIT the
most difficult case. New lenses put in
old framesif desired. Lenses replaced from
prescription number furnished to every
patient; a complete record being kept OF
every case. Artificial Eyes furnished.
Special attention given to the relief OF
all nervous troubles which come from IL
ritation of the vital nerve and brain GEN.
tiers caused from uncorrected eye-strain,
where the wearing of properly fitted glass
q will relieve the condition
The Age of Luxury.
When you buy your collar studs by
the pound and never pick up the fallen
oneS.-LOndon Punch.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1914-05-07
abash

Years ago Isidore de Lara used to
sing his own songs at concerts to his
own accompaniment. The most popu-
lar of them was 1.-The Garden of
Sleep" Once-so u n the stOry-Mr.
de Lara was Garden of Sleeping at
a private house, and he was immense
" annoyed by George Moore, who
went on insistently talking after the
song had begun. Mr.. de Lara sang a
few bars and then sprang Indignantly
to his feet.
"Mr. Moore" he said, 81 was singing
the other day before the Prince of
Wales, and he spoke, and l stopped"
"Well, my dear chap replied Mr..
Moore calmly, she survives"
Mr.. de Lara had humor enough to
join in the general laugh.-London An
sWers.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1914-05-07
DOPED AUTOMOBILES.
Acid Sometimes Used to Put Ginger In
Second Hand Cars.

Acid Sometimes Used to Put Ginger In
Second Hand Cars.
IF you are intending to buy a sec
ond hand automobile from a stranger
or any one but a reputable dealer, keep
an eye open to see that the a is not
'doped,'" said Ell. Clifford Brokaw,
principal of the automobile school Of
the West Side Young Mems Christian
association. Not long ago a friend
told me he had a chance to buy a
very good car at a low price. He said
ne knew it was a good a because it
could climb the highest hills on high
gear. 1t could almost jump over a
house, he said.
"An investigation showed that the
car was old, but that previous to the
trial trip it had been dOped with picr1c
acid. Picric acid, mixed with gasoline,
will give a motor a greatly increased
power. A wornout motor can be made
to do wonderful stunts by the use of
proper proportions of picric acid.
Chloroform will have the same effect.
Picric acid, however, will ruin the
cylinders of the best motor. 1t will
give the car much greater power when
first used, but | would not care to buy
an automobile in which it had been
used."-New York Times.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1914-05-07
THE SIMPLE LIFE.
Some of the Rewards That Come to
Those Who Follow It.


| am bound to praise the simple life
because | have lived it and found it
good. : : > / love a small house, plain
clothes, simple living. Many persons
know the luxury of a skin bath-a
plunge in the pool or the wave, un-
hampered by clothing. That is the
simple life-direct and immediate con
fact with things, life with the false
wrappings torn away-the fine house,
the fine equipage, the expensive habits
all cut off. How free one feels, how
good the elements taste, how close one
gets to them, how they fit ones body
and soul! To see the fire that warns
you or, better yet, to cut the wood that
feeds the fire that warns you; to see
the spring where the water bubbles up
that slakes your thirst and to dip your
pail into it; to see the beams that are
the stay of your four walls and the
timbers that uphold the roof that shell
tiers you; to be in direct and personal
contact with the sources of your ma
terfal life; to want no extras, no
shields; to find the air and the water
exhilarating; to be refreshed by a
morning walk or an evening saunter;
to find a quest Of wild berries more
satisfying than a gift Of tropic fruit;
to be thrilled by the stars at night; to
be eIated over a birds nest-these are
some rewards of the simple life.-John
RIrrOu0hG Quoted in 't0ur John Rur-
rOughs,'' by Clara Barrus.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1914-05-07
Failures.
r. Didn't

"Stand up, julius Caesar. Didn't
you have fits?'
eyes, your honor"
weren't you bald?"
Il was, your honor"
"a dyspeptic?"
81 was"
Didn't you write your commentaries
for political effect?"
Il did, your honor
Thereby proving yourself without
character. Below normal weight?"
4 was, your honor"
'"Then step over there with Napo-
leon, Alexander, Hannibal, Newton,
Charlemagne, Kant, Pope, William Pitt
and William Of Orange
whats the matter with them, your
honor?'
Matter enough. They are all defec-
tives. They've failed to pass our tests"
Life.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1914-05-07
CARRYING AN UMBRELLA.
Don't Hold It Before Your Face In a
Crowded Street.

Don't Hold It Before Your Face In a
Crowded Street.
"There are q great many persons in
jured on windy, rainy nights because
they hold their umbrellas down in or
der to protect their faces from the
driving rain" explained an ambulance
surgeon. I'm their desire to protect
themselves in grave danger Of being
struck and run over by surface cars,
automobiles and other vehicles.
IF you wish proof of my assertion
just stand in a doorway some night
where you are protected from the rain
and where you are in a position to see
an expanse of t~hOroughfare which all
kinds Of vehicles use. You will be sur
prised at the large number of persons
you will notice crossing the thorough
fare with their umbrellas held down so
far that it is impossible for them to see
anything approaching. They seem OBJ
livious of danger, and a spectator
would suppose from their actions that
there was not the remotest chance Of
an accident occurring.
1T is a fact that many pedestrians
are injured on windy, rainy nights.
With their umbrellas pulled down so
that it is impossible to sec ahead or to
the sides, the pedestrians walk in front
of vehicles and are knocked down and
injured before they realize what has
happened.'-New York Sun.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1914-05-07
MISSION CHURCH NOTES

We believe in the city beauti.
full" that's why our city church lot
has been leveled, raked and new
grass seed sown. Watch it grow!
The Ladies' Aid society of the
Mann Valley church has decided tc
hold it's annual sale Saturday even
ing, June Is.
The ladies of the Mann Valley
church are also planning on giving
an ice cream social in the church
Saturd4y evening, June 81. Keep
these dates in mind!
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1914-05-07
"A Canal BEGUN BY Nero.

The ship canal across the isthmus of
Corinth, which was completed in 1898.
was the finish of a scheme dating back
to 600 B. c.. when Fernandez employed
Egyptian engineers to survey the 18TH
mus. Nero actually began work along
the site of the present canal. but at his
death this was abandoned, and men
continued to weigh up the idea for an
other eighteen centuries. - London
Chronicle.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1914-05-07
MISSION CHURCH

Morning service in the Mann Val
ley church at 1880.
Afternoon service in the city
church at 2:30.
Next Tuesday evening, May IL
the young ladies' sewing circle will
meet with Miss Esther Pearson. All
young people are cordially invited
to m Refreshments will be
served.
Wednesday afternoon, May Is,
the ladies of the East Side will meet
at the home of Mrs. John McCue,
All ladies are cordially invited by
the hostess.
Midweek services in both churches
at the usual time You are not only
invited to come, but urged to do SO.
Friday evening, May Is, the Phil
harmic Literary society will give a
Swedish program in the city church
at 8 o'clock
A. w. Nordeen, Pastor.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1914-05-07
Yes. He Was All Riqht.

George r. Sims account of forget
ting his own address and having to
look it up in the telephone directory
was capped by a friend of mine, says
a writer in the London Sphere, who
told a story of a man trying to tell him
from what he had been suffering. 81
have been very ILL.," he said, with
with-with'- and could get no fur
Their. And then suddenly it came to
him, with loss of memory. But"
he added, I'm all right now.n
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1914-05-07

Dumas the elder was certainly loud"
in the matter of personal adornment.
He was not infrequently seen abroad
in a uniform plentifully b%esprinkled
with medallic decorations of his own
design, while he once attended an am.
bassador's reception wearing a shirt
covered with red demons ~careering
about in little red flames.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1914-05-07
Good Reason.

MY idea of happiness is to see the
statue of Liberty in New York harbor
from the deck of a returning steamer"
"And why do you think you would
enjoy seeing it,"
Because I've never been Abroad
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1914-05-07
Page 8
carnivorous plants

That such plants as Venus fly trap
actually catch and squeeze to death
flies and other insects aIighting on
their leaves has long been known, but
the discovery is comparatively recent
that the plants digest the softer parts
of their prey by means of a peptic fer
ment secreted by the leaves. These
are real instances of plants feeding
upon animals.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1914-05-07
NOTICE 70 FARMERS

1t will pay you to call up the
Equity Elevator & Warehouse Co.
when you have hogs or cattle to
ship. Last cal of hogs shipped
netted So 26, home weights, after
all expenses we're paid.
Call up No. IL when you have
anything to ship.
EQUITY Elev. & Warehouse Co.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1914-05-07
AT THE LOCAL CHURCHES
CONGREGATIONAL

Morning 1880 Mothers Day. APP.
propriate services for the occasion.
Evening 500 Another Why am |.
Why am | a CongregationalisI?
Sunday school at twelve and Y.
P. S. c. E. at ZOO.
A welcome to all.
William j. Gray, Pastor.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1914-05-07
Nothing Left.

"Have you," asked the judge of a
recently convicted man, anything to
offer the court before sentence is
passed?'
mo, your HONOR replied the pris-
oner. MY lawyer took my last far
thing."-London Tit-Bits.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1914-05-07
Effective Covering.

when the train bandit was cap
tured was he covered with confusion?"
mo, sir; with the train crews re-
volvers.' Baltimore American.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1914-05-07
Too Much.

why did you get rid of your parrot?
The poor bird meant nothing by it's
profanity"
81 could stand it's profanity, but it
was learning to y~odel."-Washington
Herald.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1914-05-07
Storm Center.

Uneasy lies the head that wears a
CROWN"
in a republic it is the presidents
private secretary who acquires the in
somnia. kansas City Journal.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1914-05-07
No Doubt of IT.

Mrs. Crawford-Does she really dress
to please her husband? Mrs. BRADSHAW
Yes, she makes all her own clothes.
New York Times.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1914-05-07
Gives Him Away.

She-There is II sur way a woman
can tell a gentleman in a crowded
street car. He-What is that. She
BY his getup.-Baltimore American.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1914-05-07

. The Improvement League
. will hold another rummage
: sale next October and now
: is the time to begin to get
: ready for it. Don't pack
. away things you don't need,
!. only to be handled over
!. again next Spring. Make
: them into a bundle and if
. you haven't room to store
!. them notify MRS. H. W.
!. Thomson and she will see
!. that they are taken care
!. of till the sale. Remem-
!. Der, that every dollar saved
: for the League is possibly
!. a dollar earned toward some
: project for the good of the
: city.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1914-05-07
Macaulay's Idea of Il.

The Puritan hated bear batting, not
because it gave pain to the bear, but
because it gave pleasure to the
spectators.-Macaulay.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1914-05-07

He who will not reason is a bigot;
he who cannot is a fool; he who dares
not is a Slave.-Byrop.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1914-05-07
Rocky VINEYARDS.

Some Italian vineyards are cultivat-
ed on the faces of almost perpendicular
cliffs.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1914-05-07
Estimating It.

81 hope | haven't kept you waiting
too long" gushed the girl
Only about So WORTH estimated
the young man with the taxicab out
side.-Pittsburgh Post.
River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1914-05-07
independent.

:" thought you were married, and
yet you're sewing on your own but
TONS
am married, but / keep my indie
pendence, let me tell you."-Megpen.
dorfer Batter.
The patriot. [volume] (Indiana, Pa.) 1914-1955, 1914-10-03
Church in Germany Seeks Hello.

Harrisburg, Pa, Sept. 30.-The East
Pennsylvania synod of the Lutheran
church was asked to assist the Luth.
eran church in Germany by contribut-
ing to the support of missions hereto
fore maintained by the Lutherans OF
the empire. Appeals from Germany
have been received in this part of the
country asking that at least $31 900 a
month be contributed to take up the
work.
The patriot. [volume] (Indiana, Pa.) 1914-1955, 1914-10-03
Auditor Accused of sIackmaiIino.

Youngstown, o., Sept. 30.-The M.
honing county grand jury indicted
Fred M. Sayre, auditor of Franklin
county, on q CL~, oe of attempt /
l,2'.l.nail, growing out of the recent
l.l.nary campaign for the Republic; q
nomination for governor. The charge
was brought by Senator David Tod st
Youngstown, candidate for J
nomination, who charged that Sayre
had tried t, get $4,000 from him for
carrying Franklin county. Sayre sued
Tod for libel and he was tried and :.
quilted in a Columbus court.
The patriot. [volume] (Indiana, Pa.) 1914-1955, 1914-10-03
He Was Precise.

1.-THE truth, the whole truth and
nothing but the truth" Is the motto Of
police witnesses at Ystrad
"Did you see him coming through
the doorf" asked a Socilitor in court
mo. sir; through the doorway
answered the police precision In the
5oX.-London Globe.
The patriot. [volume] (Indiana, Pa.) 1914-1955, 1914-10-03
Very ConserNatiNa.

Tailor-You have inherited a lot Of
money. Why don't you settle my bill?
Owens-My dear man, l wouldn't have
1t said for anything that my newly ac-
quired wealth caused any departure
from my simple habits.-Boston Tran
script.
The patriot. [volume] (Indiana, Pa.) 1914-1955, 1914-10-03
sixty-Foot Fall Fatal to Man.

Johnstown, Pa, Sept. William
Smith, aged fifty-one. died at the Me.
mortal hospital after being uncon.
scious for thirteen days. He was work.
ing on the top of a building and fell
to the bottom, sixty feet below. Smith
suffered a fractured skull.
The patriot. [volume] (Indiana, Pa.) 1914-1955, 1914-10-03

Most OF our misfortunes are more
supportabIe than the comments Of our
friends upon them.-A. Dumas.
The day book. [volume] (Chicago, Ill.) 1911-1917, 1914-04-01

'em come, as long as no one is under
them.
John Cox hit his wife with skillet
because her pancakes were no good.
Get the axe! Our wife made a
lemon pie last week.
Wow! Experts have come across.
with some more suggestions for the
garbage system.
Why the dickens didn't they do
that garbage arguing in the winter
time
Everything thaws out in the spring
time and the stockyards smell is bad
enough! = 80
The day book. [volume] (Chicago, Ill.) 1911-1917, 1914-04-01


Willyum Hearse ought to just about
know where they stand.
Orwhere they lie.
They have taken an awful fall.
And they fit very nicely today as
couple of April Fool jokes, in regard
to the Panama tolls deal.
Fate must be telling them, 81 toll
you So"
Major Bunkhouser got kick in
the Stats from Chief Gleason.
Looks like a case of the censor be
censored.
We can almost hear Bunk waiIing
to the policewomen: Its your fault,
dem it,
Spring is here with smash! Guess
we better say April Fool!
At last our little friend the Inter-
Ocean is on the for sale list. Sorry,
but we can't use it.
Judge Petit proposes law which
would make marriage and divorce
much more difficult
Considering the number of cases
that judges have acted on in the
divorce court in the past year, that
sort of law listens well.
This trial marriage stuff isn't doing
a thing to happiness. And goodness
knows we all can use all the happi-
ness we can get.
We have. all noticed the new cars
that have been put on the Kedzie line.
And they Weer Dragged of as hav-
ing bully ventilation.
Well, something went amiss We'd
nesday morning on one of 'em. The
only way we can rightly express it
is-the air was rotten.
Passengers were packed in like
limburger cheese in a crock and the
odor, through poor ventilation, was
about the same.
There is an air fan in front of these
new cars, but the blame fan wasn't
The day book. [volume] (Chicago, Ill.) 1911-1917, 1914-04-01
--O-O--
SUSPICIOUS

Judge-Have you ever seen the
prisoner at the bar?
Witness Never, your honor; but,
I've seen him when 1 strongly sus-
pected he'd been at it. :
El Paso herald. (El Paso, Tex.) 1901-1931, 1914-09-05

Sheer collars and cuffs OF organdy
are accessories which may be used
Hemstitched, or with hens fagoted.
they give a finish and a dainty touch
which helps 20 take away the dreari-
ness OF all black.
Collars and cuffs OF organdy have
hens OF black which are attached 10
the collar by machine hemstitching.
The woman with a little ingenuity
and time to spare can make many
variations Of these dainty accessories.
Handkerchiefs are shown with hens
OF black either a half an inch or an
inch wide. Some have a second Dor
der on the inside Of black It may be
merely a pin stripe or II may be three
Fights Of an inch.
In mourning, very little iewelry is
worn. and that must be the simplest OF
the simple. Pearls and dull let are
combined into artistic little pins and
necklaces. Dull black enamel pins are
also used.
Hens OF ruff1es and Of dresses are
hemstitched or are finished with a
picot edging. which IS merely having
a piece OF She material hemstitched
and then cut down the center OF the
El Paso herald. (El Paso, Tex.) 1901-1931, 1914-09-05
-AsHINeToN. D. q 81. =

WASHINGTON, D. c, Sept. 5.-Ths
M American worKingman, with
w GOOD trade and steady employ
ment. is one Of the most fortunate OF
human beings. Unfortunately, being
human. he does not realize It
He calls himself a poor man. but
10 ,ossesses many Injuries that were
not enjoyed by the rich man 80 years
40 The advance Of civilization has
7n1ifted him to a plane far higher than
+,s+ which his immediate forebears oc-
cupied. His wages have steadily gone
nm and his position, when compared
nth that of his fellow workers in other
Dsrts of the world, is indeed enviable-
Leaving Asiatic countries aside, the
smallest wages in the world are paid
IN Relrfuu-the little kingdom that is
now experiencing all the miseries Of
var There steel workers get from S
to u cents an hour; machinists 10 to
Is cents Coal miners average SO cents
a day. Women who earn TO Z cents an
hour consider themselves fairly well
paid
sixtv-five percent Of the men workers
in Belgium get less than IS cents a
dav. Boys under 16 years commonly
earn 10 cents OF less Tens OF thou
sands Of men work for less than 80
cents
Poor Pay IN Europe.
y In France. Germany and other Euro
mean countries wages are but slightly
higher. A dollar a day is high pay Tor
skilled labor. Thus it happens that
the people Of the working class in that
part Of the world rarely taste meat
Soup, a hunk Of coarse black bread
and a little cheap wine are all they
have for dinner, except on special oc-
casions Of festival
# II be reckoned that the total popu-
lation Of countries other than ours is
a billion and q half it may be said
that fully one billion Of all those hu-
man beings enjoy almost none Of the
comforts which are matters Of course
to the working man OF the United
States. India has over 100000 900 peo-
pie, and there is scarcely a modern bath
room in the entire empire. China, with
a still larger population, is similarly
situated
It would be. almost true 70 say that
the workingman in the United States
gets as much pay for an hours labor
as the European toler in corresponding
occupations receives for a days work.
In our building trades according to the
union scale in many portions Of the
country a bricklayer gets 60 to rs
cents an hour. a carpenter 60 cents, a
painter z5 cents, a plasterer 50 TO IS
cents, a journeyman plumber S. cents.
q stonecutter 65 cents. a structural
ironworker Sc cents. Even the hod car
rier is paid % cents an hour, and the
man who digs with spade and shovel
25 cents.
Machinists Gin the metal trades) get
q TO 43 Gems an hour compositors and
pressmen Cin the printing trades) 81