Evening star., 1914-05-09
Stock Objections to a Cow.

So, in self-defense. l had made my
inability to milk the chief of my argu-
ments in opposition to the acquisition of
- cow, reinforcing it with such secondary
objections as that even If / learned to
milk. in case | should be i'll or detained
AT the Office there would be no one to
substitute for me: and | always had
found il effective to clnch the thing by
appealing to James sympathies on the
score of a cows sufferings when there
was no one to relieve her of an udder fun
uf milk.
When Jane let 1t be known Tuesday
night that again she had COW on the
brain. trotted out my stock objections
dusted them off and prepared to marshal
them in logical and crushing order.
lanes face was giileless. and | hadn I
the mixing of a warning that | was rid
ing TO fall.
Yes. my dear l agreed. in that pa
flent tone of voice one uses to a child
when trying TO explain something just a
tile beyond his comprehension. Il ad-
nit it would be highly desirable that We
should have a COW. but you know, /
-annot milk a COW. and
Il can" Jane declared.
You've seen a child's toy balloon blow
up, haven't youe | busted" just like
that My mouth was open when the ex-
plosion took place. held it open for
about thirty seconds. l think. and a
:urgling sound in the throat was all l
could get out in the way of response.
lane not only had me groggy, but | had
to take the count
Should Have Been Warning.
As look back at it now, l know that
the meek way in which Jane brought
UP the subject should have put me on
my guard That's where the peril of
had taken place SO often, and ! always
had come off so easily victor, that ]
mad grown careless and overconfident.
7 still maintain that it was hardly fair
and sportsmanlike. but womens ethics
differ from those of men. They haven't
n bit OF compunction against hitting be-
low the belt.
I'll have to give Jane credit, though, for
one thing: she didn't kick me while l was
down. She just sat there watching me
wriggle and claw the air. until had re-
turned to consciousness. Then she fin
ished the job of polishing me off in a
thoroughly workmanlike manner that
couldn't help but admire, even though
was the victim.
OF course. Jane assured me. as a salvs
to the wound she had inflicted, she had
rever doubted my ability to learn to mills
a COW but she realized how much ] had
10 do this spring and had accepted my
statement that l didn't have time to learn
30 she had decided she would learn her
self !. had taken her fully fifteen min
utes'
Mrs. Brown had nand in the matter
When this fact was disclosed | put up ?
cry OF conspiracy but that didn't ge
me anywhere. and ! didn't press the mat
ter. Oven to my own ears it sounded toe
much like the claim of a defeated prize
fighter that he had been drugeed.
II was in the Brown cow barn that Jane
had her lesson, and Mrs. Brown was hei
instructor. Jane had planned TO 20 every
day for a week or moro TO take lessons
But at her first try she filed gallon pal
IN a quarter of an hour. and they de
cided that would do for the present. Sh,
was ready for move No. ] in the game OF
converting me into cowman. IT Wa
move No. l that awaited me TUESDAY
evening.
Springs Move No. Q.
had gotten TO my feet and was jus
beginning TO get over my dizziness whei
she sprung move No. =
You are 10 go over tomorrow evening.
Jane informed me. and try it yourself
gust to see how easy it is. OF course.
she added. you'll not have to buy COW
out itn not do any harm to know hov
20 milk one"
That of course of James didn't foo
mo for Il minute. 1t was merely magma
u.mity in the hour of triumph. l knew
tHat i did have 10 buy COW.
racked my brain, but couldn't fn'
al excuse for not taking my milking les
son that wouldn't leave me in more un
a:snided position than ever. so Wednes
day evening | permitted myself TO be le
lie :, lamb to the slaughter.
didn't enjoy the lesson and I'm sur
iHs COW didn't. But the COW was tie
.tId couldn't get away. and was tie
md coIdu't get away.
Did you ever have a COW switch 20
n Tie face with her tail? 1t stings lik
Il Whip and makes you mad. Brutal hire
men. back in a less enlightened age. use
to t"ach COWS better manners by kickin
fuem in the ribs. That's what / wante
20 do hut il was Mr. Browns COW, an
Nr Brown was right there with me
said. So. Bossy, and pretended
j dn't mind
In spite OF The cows seeming antpath!
either to my personality or my method:
she dd give up the miik-or gave
down. whichever is the approved way o
'xpressng IL At the end of quarter G
hodr ! had duplicated James achieve
Iuent and mad fully gallon Of milk
my pat.
had been dragooned into the exper
ment much against my will. but tina
didn't prevent glow of satisfaction tha
had made good in tre test ! though
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