davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington herald., 1914-03-22
A BETTER THING

He got of an elevated train at Fifty
eighth street. and after three or four
minutes to look all around him he ap
preached the ticket-cnoprer and said;
I've been told that the Brooklyn
Bridge was a mighty big thing. and
don't seem to catch sight OF il any
where around here"
DO you know where you are?' asked
the man at he box
I'm in New York. amt IT,
Yes. you arc in New York, but you
are not within five miles OF the Brook
lyn Bridge. Who told you TO come up
here?''
Man downtown. Told me to take this
train and so right to the bridge
We'll. he made a fool of YOU You
have come up TO Central Park instead
of going to the bridge
Il have, en-? He was a man with a
cock-eye, and kinder thought he might
be foolin' me-"
Now that you are up here you might
take a look at the park" said the chop
per. as the old man seemed a bit cast
down.
''Yas. I might. Nice place. is it?'
"One of the most beautiful spots in the
world.
''Sumthin' everybody ought to see. eh:"
Yes. indeed. Go right down those stairs
and you'n see the park ahead Of you"
Vas. thanks. Young man, is there
a fust-clasS saloon around here?'
Three or four. sir
"Whar' they keep furst-class ticker
and allow a feller to laugh and hev
fun and pound on the bar?"
Yes. sir. but it seems to me"
Don't give advice. my son. The
BROOKLYN Bridge probably is a mighty
big thing, and Central Park probably
is way ahead of any other piece o.
woods on the face o this airth. but
what hits me plumb center every day
in the year, Sundays included. is a
fust-cIass saloon. with fust-class lick
cr thank We very much, and IL ye
feel things tremblin' around here yen
know it's me Orderin' a second drink
and poundin' on the bar in my enthu-
siasm."
The Washington herald., 1914-03-22
HONORABLE BURGLAR

MIR. Glenshaw should have taken the s
O'Clock suburban train to his seashore
cottage, but he missed it. He should
have taken the train an hour later, but
a business matter detained him. The
last train down was at o'clock. He was
waiting for il when he encountered a
neighbor, who said:
''If 1 were you I'd run up and take
look through the house. Three of them
on our block have been robbed within a
week"
Mr.. Glenshaw decided to go. He would
see that the house was all right and then
go to hotel for the night He walked
up the steps as carelessly as If the house
had been open, unlocked the door and
lighted the hall gas, and the first thing
he saw was an open window. The next
was a man who stood in careless atti-
tude beside the writing desk with a re-
volver in his hand. He was not a bad
or rough-looking man. He had lately
been clean shaved. and a fashionable hat
helped him to look like a gentleman. If
he had been taken by surprise he didn't
betray the fact There was a haIfsmile
on his face as he looked steadily at Mr..
Glenshaw. and his voice was soft and
pleasant as he finally said:
1T would seem that we owe each
other an apology. ] am here without
The Washington herald., 1914-03-22

legal or moral right. but your entrance
was sudden and almost without eX-
cuse. For the last three weeks you
have not missed that o'clock train.
had no reason to think you would
miss it this evening"
"what-whst are you doing herer'
demanded Mr.. Glenshaw as the first
feeling of establishment had passed
away.
Let's sit down, please. My object
in entering the house was to benefit
my financial condition. 1 have been
here since about o'clock. 1 entered
by the window, as you may guess, and
have been fairly busy up to the pres
ent moment We will have to consult
together. and I hope to find you a rea-
sonable, sensible man. 1 am going to
lay this weapon aside and chat with
you on even terms. You don't look like
a man who'd do anything foolish"
Look here. now," began Mr.. Glen
shaw. with note of anger in his
voice, Il don't quite understand this
thing. You are as cool as il you we're
really robber, or is 1t some Joke nut
up by some Of the fellows at the club?"
Il am cool" replied the man. be
cause nerve is part of my profession.
/ am by profession burglar. As to
the joke--no. like Joke as well as
The Washington herald., 1914-03-22
OLD FEB WHITE
He Tells Story of Wild Honey and Bears

set up a howIin'. big limb of that tree
crashed through the top Of our tree and
nigh took us of. but We escaped unhurt.
II IL wasn't a miracle 1t was next doah
TO it. When the sticks had got over fiyin'
the old woman wipes the tears from her
eyes. draws a long breath and asks:
'Zeb. are we up a tree or up in
heavenT
up a tree says /.
"'whar are the b'ars?'
Cant say about the four who was
UP the tree. but the other one has run
in among the branches after honey
''Yere is what happened" said the old
man I'm explanation when that tree
cum down three of the bars was killed
as dead as rocks, but the fourth wasn't
hurt This left two bars to go fur the
honey. They rushed in and got into a
fight over the plunder. and while they
was cuffin' each other about. the bees
woke up to the fact that sunthin' had
happened. They swarmed out by the
thousand, and when they began work
on them bars thar was a circus. We was
watchin' the fun and laughin' over it
when all to once I felt the ends OF about
a dozen red-hOt pokers hit me.
What's the trubble?' asked the ole
woman. as 1 yelled out and dropped TO
the airth.
Bees. says I. and 1 had skassIy said
il when she yelled out and cum down
like a turkey falling dead of the roOst.
We jumped right over them bars and
made a straight path fur home. and fur
the fust half mile them bees kept our
heels in the air most of the time. and il
was a question which yelled the loudest.
Bmeby we got beyond 'em and didn't
have to run SO fast, but by the time We
The Washington herald., 1914-03-22

got home We was all Jumps and swellins
and badly used up. 1t was three DAYS
befo' l was able TO shoulder my rife and
return to that bee tree The bees were
still buzzin' around and I dasu't go too
near. ! was wonderin' what had becum
Of the bars when l cum across EN- be
hind big rock. i reckon they must
have got thousand stings apiece. fur
they was all swelled up, and neither of
'em could git an eye open. I hauled up
to shoot 'em, but the pesky varmints
looked so mighty homesick that I jest
couldn't pull trigger. I went clus up and
gin one of 'em a CuT on the ear, but
instead OF shown fight he rolled over
and whined like a puppy. 1 went OF and
left 'em thar to nurse themselves, and
when l got back home and told the old
woman about il, she said:
I'm glad yu' let 'em alone. While
bar is a b ar and while a b'arskin is wuth
TO dollars in cash. this was a miXed-up
thing. II was honey. bees, bars, folks.
and a prayer meetin and a heap o. yells
all sorter tied UP together. and. bein'
the Lawd delivered US out Of 1t, mebhe
it was intended fur two OF the bars also
TO escape.
The Washington herald., 1914-03-22

set to work at digging a hole in the back
yard. When finished, the excavation
was S feet long, 3 feet wide, and feet
deep, and then Mr.. Bowser stretched
two electric wires the length Of II and
made the ends fast to pegs. Mrs. Bow
ser had a lively curiosity to know what
all this meant. but she forbore to ask
questions. The cooks curiosity par
took of trepidation.
I'll ask YOU ma am" she cautiously
whispered as she walked around on tip
toe and glanced over her shoulder. If
that is a grave they are digging out
there7"
i don't think So" replied Mrs. Bow
ser.
Then is he boring an oil well7'
! HE can't be-"
rs he digging for Capt. Kids goldF
Hardly that"
And il isn't a coal mIne?"
"No"
4 That's what scares me, ma'am- I've
thought of this and thought of that, and
can't make il out at all, and do believe
he's going to fill the hole with water and
bring a whale TO play with during the
winter"
During dinner Mr. Bowser's face looked
as profound as a pumpkin in a cornfield.
and Mrs Bowser with all her chatter on
neighborhOod news failed to interest him.
She bided her time, however. and when
the proper moment arrived she carelessly
queried:
Are you thinking Of trying to grow
fall and winter potatoes in that hole out
there
He looked at her with mingled con-
tempt and pity for a minute and then
replied:
Mrs. Bowscr. it is not exactly your
fault that you were created a female. and
so l suppose l should not blame you Tor
your lack of brains. l can scarcely hope
to make you understand me. but still l
will make the attempt and at least sat
isfy your curiosity. Have you ever heard
that there is a magnetic current passing
through the earth?
IL believe 1 have"
but you are not sure. While you have
been reading novels and chewing gum
the magnetic current has been flashing
along under your feet without thought
In what direction does this current pass?
1T lodges around, doesn't it?'
That's the woman of il, OF course: but
I will 20 on. The accepted theory OF
scientists for the last hundred years is
that this current passes through the
earth from north to south, or from pole
10 pole. In other words, the poles arc
sympathetic?"
Yes"
Il say this theory is the accepted ono
and has never been disputed, but Mrs.
Bowser, but
But what
But here is man who disputes it,"
The Washington herald., 1914-03-22

or without the tails and heads.
Deacon Pilgrim enters my grocery and
asks the price of canned pork and beans
Seventeen cents. Deacon" 1 cheer
fully answer.
But that's raise"'
Yes; cents a can"
But, dogs and cats, how does this
Gomez
"Eeans were a small crop last fall"
Pap, you are A liar 4! There was a
big crop of them"
We'll. hogs was skass."
That's another whopper, Look
a-here, Pap, what did you tell me lection
day.
THAT if Mr.. Wilson was elected the
high cost of livin' would come down"
Yes. you did, you old he wolf, but has
IL? I am askin' you, has it?'
But, deacon, there hain't been time"
"Oh, there hain't, Ell, There has been
time, though, for prices to go up! How
do you account for that
II gave him down weight on two
pounds of sugar and replied:
Deacon Pilgrim, every President must
have a policy"
Darn 'em"
Some policies move butt-end first, but
they get there just the same. The Pres
ident's policy was to reduce the high cost
before anything else. but the darned
thing butt-ended OH him. We are to have
the high cost first. Then will come the
low cost. It's all the same in the end"
Yes shouted the deacon, after we
are all in our graves and don't need
clothes nor fodder. then they are TO come
down to half price
''Oh. we'll all live to see it."
But you lied TO me, Pap, and you and
your President can go to grass! Your
ticket will never get my vote again.
The Washington herald., 1914-03-22

force. I'm willing to meet you halfway,
and you couldn't ask anything fairer than
that. | have lot of Plundcr packed up
when YOU walk in on me. II seems to me
that an honorable compromise is the best
way out nf it for both of US. You have a
watch and chain and I have a ring.
leave them out entirely. They cannot
properly be called part Of the plunder
of the house"
''Weil?"
We'll. suppose We say s2O0 for the plum
der? You save at least 500 and I am
decently paid for three hours work.
Il haven't got that much cash.
Il shouldn't object TO the cash. but
you can draw me check for the amount
and certify to my signature. a check
brings you INTO business relations with
business men. \ man with a check for
$500 feels more important than a man
with 5000 in cash in his pocket. There is
satisfaction in doing business with a
bank-a feeling that you are a spoke in
the wheel. SO to say"
You are not afraid I'll have a detect
i've at the bank to nab you?"
Not in the Ieast You wouldn't have
this thing get out for no 500. Besides.
you look upon me as an honorable man.
1 see check book here on the desk and
perhaps we'd better close the deal
Mr.. Glenshaw hesitated and glanced
around the room. The transaction did
not seem to hin to be on the square.
III admit that it isn't exactly regu-
lar" said the burglar with a dry laugh,
but there are exigencies in business. you
know. And. too. you have some hopes
that n policeman may appear in the
transaction. II is forlorn hope. From
this time out watch the police. That Is.
study and observe them as men and
officials. You will soon discover that
our property interests are guarded by a
stupid lot Of people. II the officer of this
beat saw the front door open he might
wonder and investigate: because the door
is closed he arsIes to himself that the
house is safe"
TN have him bounced tomorrow" eN-
claimed Mr. Glenshaw, as a feeling Of
helplessness came over him.
For what?" Queried the stranger. He
The Washington herald., 1914-03-22

the next, but only when I'm on duty.
There is nothing funny IN running the
risk of being shot or sent to State
prison. No, Mr.. Glenshaw. this is
straight goods"
"You-you know my name?"
"Why not? AS rule we always
know more or less the people We deal
with. Yes, / know your name, busi-
ness habits, and standing, and I am
pleased to observe that you are a very
worthy citizen. Let me ask you about
that safe. Was 1t warranted burglar
proof?"
No"
That's better. Some of the manufac-
turers will pat such an. article as that
on the back and tell you that a burglar
can't get into it in a month Of Sundays.
had a suspicion that there were bonds
in your safe, and so brought along tools
to open it, but 1 didn't have to waste
my time. The combination was set on
two numbers. had it open in ten min
utes. 1t IS needless to add that I was
disappointed in the contents"
But what e. e have you been up to-"
asked Mr.. Glenshaw. beginning to feel
more at his ease.
Your wife stores her own furs. I have
got them out and ready to take away.
YCu evidently sent most Of your silver
TO the safe deposit, but / have found a
few odds and ends. There are also a
couple of pictures worth taking. and
may find a few things among the bric-a-
brac. 1t will be a disappointing haul
though / doubt il l shall clear over
$500 from it,
You talk as il / didn't come in any.
where"
oh but you Sre not to be left out
I had planned to do without you Of
course. but as you have forced your
self in. 50 to speak. We must reach
an amicable understanding"
IL can't make out this burglar busi-
ness" replied Mr.. Glenshaw with a trou-
The Washington herald., 1914-03-22
BOWSER SEEKS SUCCESS
But Has Only Hole In the Ground to Show for 1t

main ones and sat down with the end
coiled about his hand He was pale. but
he was dignifed. He was nervous, but
he was determined.
you are sure you won't have q
lemon?" asked Mrs. Bowser, VINO han
followed him out, with the cat tagging
on behind.
He gave her look OF contempt ana
motioned her 10 be gone.
Hes like my brother Patrick, said
the cook. as Mrs. Bowser returned to
the house. "YoE can never get Patrick
to suck a lemon when he don't know
who's going to dodge around and hit him
with a bTickbat"
At a quarter past 10 Mr.. Bowser sat
stiffiy In his char waiting for mag
netic tremor.
At half past h was expecting one every
minute.
At II he felt sleepy and wondered II
the current was not taking q night on.
At midnight two policemen and citi-
zen entered the yard by the alley gate,
and Mrs. Bowser. who was keeping vigil
from an upper window. went down and
joined them. Mr.. Bowser sat in his chair
WIFI his chin on his breast and his hat
fallen OF, and he was fast asleep. The
magnetic current was playing tag through
the earth. but he needed II not.
rs he watching for cats or rats.
ma am?' softly ask one of the officers.
mo; it's an experiment" she answered
with a new sort Of burglar alarm
81 think So"
"Then | hope II will prove a success.
Can l do anything more for your
Mrs. Bowser thought for a moment and
then replied:
why. why, he would have more room
out in the alley
Sure, he would. Take hold Of the chair,
Mike. Now go softly"
Mr.. Bowser was softly and safely
transported TO the alley and placed with
his back to a cow-shed, and all went
away and left him. II may have been
one OF the policemen that. Ave minutes
later. shied a tomato can that way with
The Washington herald., 1914-03-22

he continued as he tapped his breast and
swelled up with Importance. "Yes, 1
have not only dared to do II. but hope
to prove that II Is a false theory. In
deed, have every hope that 1 shall be
able TO prove to the world before day
light tomorrow morning that this mag
netic current passes through the earth
from east TO west instead"
"And that's what the hole and the
wires are for?'
Exactly. II there is a current from
east to west. the wires will catch ana In
dicate it."
'But how are you going to know"
81 shall be right there. Mrs. Bowser,
right there, with a connecting wire in
my hand. and 1 shall not miss the faint
est tremor."
Il don't see what you are to gain II
you do establish a new theory" she
said after awhile.
Great Scott, woman, but you must be
brainless!" he exclaimed. IF i can es-
tablish the fact that the magnetic cur
rents pass from east to west, I'll be the
most famous man of the day Ny name
and discovery will so down to posterity
along with the greatest. 1 shall have
honor, fame, medals. riches. a crown of
laurel. It's the one chance of my life.
the one great chance, and / hope you
will say nothing to discourage me-"
II WON'T she said, but II you are
going to sit by that hole all night you
ought to suck a lemon at intervals or
you will get hcarseness."
Heavens above, but suck a lemon at
such a supreme scientific moment" he
gasped at her. Woman, don't run this
thing into burlesque. II the world heard
hat l established my new theory while
sucking a three-cent lemon I'd be driven
to suicide in a month. No: there will be
no lemons or catnip tea. or bread and
butter with sugar on II. You let me
alone and don't worry
From that hour until 10 o'clock Mr..
Bowser was nervous and uneasy, as all
men are when on the point OF making
a great discovery. He read UP on max
The Washington herald., 1914-03-22

netic currents in the encyclopedia and he
got down his map Of the world and fig
ured out the countries an east and west
current must pass through. He was in
quite a nervous state when he finally
started for the back yard. and the cook
whispered TO Mrs. Bowser:
THE dear mar looks as IL he was go
inG to the dentists to have three teeth
pulled and his jaw broke
MIR. Bowser carried a chair with him.
and when he had placed il he attached
what he called his circuit wire to the
The Washington herald., 1914-03-22

Some men would do So unused the
burglar "and thereby spoil a good thing.
They might even get spoiled in the trans
action. No burglar worthy of the name
is going to be taken without fight. On
the other hand. a burglar with sense can
realize a situation. There is situation
here. 1t is one for argument instead Of
The Washington herald., 1914-03-22

, such true aim that it ratified against
| Mr.. BOwser and woke him up with a
yell IL took him fifteen seconds TO
realize that magnetic current had
thrown him over the fence and was still
after him. and after another wild yell
he fed into tho darkness down the al
icy.
We'll. was it est and west" she
called
None Of Your darn business was
Erowled as Mr. Iiuwscr made his way
upstairs. and TO bed.
The Washington herald., 1914-03-22

blcd look on his face. you are here to
rob my house. Instead Of sitting here
talking to you I ought TO be hunting for
policeman. Do you suppose I'm going
to tamely submit to be plundercd? Why.
hang il, l ought to go for you slam
bang"
The Washington herald., 1914-03-22

whats happened now?"
Nothing very startling"
But your are not sick?"
Never felt better"
And you are not going to paint or
or anything?"
You will know in good time"
Mr.. Bowser had come at midsfter-
noon, and had a laboring man and his
shovel with him. Tho man was at once
West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1914-09-03
Reed sviIIe

Mrs. Annie Gallatin, Of Jefferson, Pa. i,
was here during the past week visiting
friends and relatives.
Mrs. ID. NJ. DeHass and children, La
Vera, and Melvin, OF Fairchance, Pa,
were house guests of Mrs. Charles T..
Iinn last week.
Prof j. X. Trotter and j. s. Lantz
attended the funeral services of Rodney
Stemple at Aurora last Saturday.
Mr.. and Mrs. Clay Miller, of Grafton,
were here the past week the guests of the
formers uncle, John W. Stone.
Misses Eva Dill and Edna Fields left
Monday for Monongah, where they will
resume their duties in Miss Anna Wat
kins' millinery store.
Miss Neil Barker is in Belington this
week visiting her uncle. Grant Graham.
Rev. w. w. Sutton and wife, formerly
OF Reedsville, now located at Jollytown.
are rejoicing over the arrival of a new
son.
Miss nellie Johnson, OF Uniontown, has
been here visiting her friend, Miss Auda
linn.
John Sterling and family OF Manown.
were Sunday visitors at the home of
Noah Gross and family.
Frank Christopher and Miss Roy
Camp, OF Pittsburg, are the guests OF the
formers parents, Mr.. and Mrs. y. p.
Christopher.
Miss Erbie Albright OF Morgantown,
has been here for few days with her
sister, Mrs. w. 8. Zinn.
Mrs. b. NJ. Squircs made a flying trim
to Newburg Saturday and was accom-
panied home by her granddaughter
Theo Squires.
Mrs. II. f. Dill attended the funeral
OF her little niece, Edna Stemple, AT
Masontown Tuesday.
Mr.. and Mrs. T.. n. Tanner. Mrs.
Ralph Fairfax and children were EQlon
visitors Wednesday.
The Brown family reunion held here
Saturday was success in spite Of the
rainy weather About one hun dred
Brownies we're present.
Miss Mary Gross returned home from
Fairmont last Saturday.
West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1914-09-03
FsIrmont Normal School

President Woodley, OF tine Fairmont
Normal School, reports. that prospects
ave excellent for the attendance this year.
The enrolment last year was about 375,
and from the present outlook, II seems
likely that this years attendance will go
beyond the four hundred mark.
IL Is queer how the attendance has
shifted from year 10 year. A year or two
ago the freshman class was much the
largest. Last year the Junior Normal
Glass was the largest in the school.
Doubtless this will be the case this year
This means that the students entering
the Normal At the present time are usually
graduates Of four years high schools. Tn
doubleday this means that the Normal
School Course, as distinguished from the
Academic Course, is growing more and
more popular.
The report has been circulated that
Fsirmont Normal will not accept any
students except those desiring TO teach.
This is not true. Academic work will
be offered throughout the four years
academic course, and even in the dis.
tinctively normal course. Graduates OF
four years high schools can easily obtain
year OF more academic work.
The Normal School will open wednes.
day, September 9th.
West Virginia argus. [volume] (Kingwood, W. Va.) 1877-1946, 1914-09-03

lhSpeopie ofour town and community
are pleased to know that nj last we are
TO have new four-room. up-to-date
school building located on the site where
the w. A. Watson house stood.
A. l.. Sidwell and n. G. Ridenour
motored over to Kingwood on Tuesday
of last week.
Greed +. Bolyard attended meeting
OF the Board OF Education at Rowlesburr.
Tuesday
Miss ophs Wolfe OF Tunnelton, is visit
at A. l.. Sidwelrs.
j. n. Sidwell and daughter Jennie.
have moved into the Johnny Sidwell
property.
Several of our people attended the
funeral of George May at Mt. Zion, the
past week.
Aipheus Shahan and wife were calling
on Mr.. and Mrs. Justice Demoss of Maple
Run. Sunday.
Mrs. George Kercheval and daughter
were visiting at A. l.. Sidwelrs the past
week.
Mr.. and Mrs. Arthur Reed were hosts
to about thirty of the young people of the
community on Saturday night. honoring
Mrs. Reeds sister. Miss Shirley Sidwell.
who is visiting with relatives i'm town.
n. G. Ridenour and family and B. f.
woodward drove to Morgantown Satur-
day in Mr.. Ridenour's car, returning
Sunday. They were accompanied by
Mrs. lnez Stafford on their return,
Harmon sidwell and family. of Mason
town, drove up in their car to spend
Sunday with friends here.
Creed l.. Bolyard was i'm Clarksburg
Wednesday assisting Co. Supt. Fortney
and 5. w. Ford, architect, in drawing
up plans and specifications for our new
school building. lie returned 10y way of
fairmont. taking in the Fair for day.
There will be festival at Fellowsyille
on Friday and Saturday nights, Sept.
18th and 9th. All are cordially inyited
to attend.