The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1914-12-03

jealous.
NAVAL surgeon reports that Ameri-
healthy. and any attempt at eihort
lacks power. II thrust through the
bones and joints is lost-)
We long have held the idee that
1t is unlucky to be fat
1t fnterferes much with your health.
And your pursuit OF sOrdid wealth.
They knock us fat folks every day.
There is no end to what they say
They roast us, and they roast US g0oo'
They always crittcfse our food
They tell US where we get on at
AS quick as scat
When we are fat.
But still. somehow do not think
I'd care to De a skinny gink,
With all my bones a-stickin' through
And lOOkin' like I'd break in two.
There's nothing much that I can SEQ
In being slim and willowy-
So let them spread their ancient bunk
About US folks, for it's all punk
Truths About the War.
Our office statistician present the fol-
lowing facts about the war. which may
t. relied upon as being as good an any
other guesses that are being made at
the present time:
Peace will be declared OctobeD q.
1921. at O'Clock in the afternoon
There will be 1.671 .s83 men lost in this
war.
The Germans will keep on pushing
on pushing the Germans back every
day until the war closes.
Portugal will put 81 1888 men In the
field and when the war Is over she
will have 1893 men left.
The kaiser will confer 527 1888 Iron
Crosses during the course of the cam
paign-
The battle of the North sea will be
fought February Is, 1917, at 1 O'Clock
in the morning. The British will lose
nine ships and the Germans seven
When the war is over every soldier
pounds Of beans. 10 barrels of flour and
8, 698 pounds and six ounces Of beef and
1871 quarts of hOrseradish.
The situation today is as follows: The
Germans are winning all along the line
in the vicinity of Dixmude. but are be-
ing pushed back with terrible loss The
allies are holding all of the ground they
have taken, but are being driven to-
ward Paris at a high rate of speed.
From the Hiclkeyville Clarion.
Mrs. Angus Jones of this village has
now keep her marriage notice standing
in type ready to use at moment 8
notice by just changing the lucky BRIDE
groom's name.
Hank Tumm's daughter made some
cookin' school pancakes the other
morning and Hank sold 'em to the tan
merry, where they will be made into sole
leather.
Every time Anse Judson, our local
philanthropist, fofecloses on a widow 5
home, he buys a. new stained glass
winder for the Hard Shell church. They
will have to enlarge the church to
make room for more winders.
Every time Hold Peters goes down to
the gruc'ry store he hears that the al
lies and the Germans have both been
that way, soznehuddy, ought to git
enough purity soon.
1t isn't so hard to be happy
And have everything that you need
A yacht and a fine automobile,
Which grinds out wonderful speed;
Fine pOrterhouse steak every evening,
And eggs for your breakfast each
morn;
A fine house and lot in the suburbs.
And clothes that are not patched and
worn;
A. lot of hard coal in the cellar,
A library full of fine books:
A house full of excellent servants,
Including the finest of cooks:
A trip to the seashore each summer.
And travel whene'er you would go;
No. it isn't so hard to be happy
If you've got a million or so.