The Washington herald., 1914-02-15
e Life With John Henry

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drinks.
equal" inquired the Kansas Ctyite
'.Yes, but some of them have pull enough to
get over it. responded the Providence philoso-
pher; whereupon the snokeless hog by the win
dow took out a flask and began TO dampen his
conscience
Just then the towel rack fell with crash,
and after | picked up the comb and brush and
myself | decided to retire to my bracket on the
wall and-try to sleep.
When | left the smoker the smokeless hog
was occupying two and half seats and was
now busy breathing in some secondhand cigar
elite smoke which nobody seemed to care for.
How do | reach my Alpine bungalow - [
said to the porter, whereupon he laughed teeth
fully and Int me on the shins with stepladder
The spectacular gent who occupied the star
chamber beneath my garnet was sleeping as
noisily as possible. and when | started up the
stepladder he began to render AIendelssohns
obligato for the trombone in the key of C.
Above the roar OF the train from awav off in
lower No. family | could hear IN answering
bugle call.
| climbed up prepared for the worst and in
the twinkling OF an eye the porter removed the
stcpladder and there | was, sitting on the peril
Otis edge OF my pantry shelf with nothing to
comfort me save the exhaust of professional
snorer
After about five minutes devoted to a parade
OF all my SINS began to try to extract my per-
sonality from my coat, but when | pushed my
arm up in the air to get the sleeve lose NV
knuckles struck the hardwood finish and l ieil
backward on the cast-iron pillows breathing
hoarsely like busy Jackrabbit,
| waited about ten minutes while my BRAN
was bobbing back and forth with the excitement
OF running fifty miles an hour over careless
part OF the country, and then | cautiously tried
to approach my shoe aces.
Say! II you're man and YOU weigh in the
neighborhood OF POO pound, most oil which is
in the region Of the equator You will appreciate
what it means to lie on Your back in an upper
berth and try to get your shoes off
And this goes double for the man who
weighs more than 200 pounds.
Every time | reached for my feef to get my
| bumped nv head the less got nv shoes off,
and the less ! got my shoe, off the more [
seemed to bump my head Off | decided that
in order TO keep my head on | had better keep
nv shoes on also.
Then tried to divorce nv su>pendcrs irarI
my shoulders, but just got the Suspcndcri
hall way over my head | struck my crazy bore
| 4
tween heaven and earth. but PRAYING with F.!
my heart for bottle OF arnica.
Finally decided to sleep a. nature made
me. with all my clothes on. including my ru"-
bcrS
SO stretched out, but JI,~l then the Train
struck curve ard | went up in the air till the
ceiling hit me. and then | bouncc .vcr to the
edge OF the precipice ard hung thee, trembling
on the verge.
Below me all was dark and gloomy, and only
by the hoarse grcans of rac snorcrs could
tell that the Pullman COMPANY vas still making
money.
Luck was with me- however. Tor just then
the train struck an inshoot curve which pushed
me to the wall. and bumped my head 50 COM
pletcly that i fell asleep.
When | woke up a small package "i day
light was peeping into the car, so | decided to-
descend from my cupboard shelf at once.
peepcd out through the aluminium curtains,
but there was no sign OF the colorcd porter and
the stepladder was invisible to the naked eye.
The car was peaceful now. with the exccp-
ton OF a gent in lower No. I, who had stranSle
hold ON Beethoven sonata and was beating the
cadence out of it.
| made short prayer and concluded TO fall
out, but just then one OF my feet rested on some
thing solid so put both feet on it and began
to step down.
Alas, however, the moment | put my weight
on it my stepping stone gave way and iell
overheard with splash.
How dare you put your feet on my head
Al. a III