South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1914-05-25
STATESMEN
REAL AND NEAR
BY FRED O KELLY.
BY FRED c. KELLY.

IT
WASHINGTON, May Ex-senator
Porter ]. McCumber of North Dakota,
can probably talk more seriously and
more slowly than any man in the pup
tic life. A good shorthand reporter
or a good longehand reporter, for
that matter. ought to be able TO take
down one of McCumber's speeches
and write a letter home between
words. Without actually timing
Senator McCumber. we should say
that he delivers on the average ABOUT
forty-five words a minute. He Woulo
not miss giving each little syllable
it's full quota of time for anything
in the world. Take, for example, the
every" Nine men out OF ten Will
pronounce that word as II II were
spelled "ev-ry" But nothing IKE
that occurs when Porter McCumber
says II. He slowly and methodically
pronounces every little syllable. III
he can make two syilables where only
one grew before, he will do 1t gladly.
And the oldest things about Nc
Cumber's deliberate utterance Is that
If he becomes angered in DEBATE ne
proceeds even more slowly than be-
fore. He talks louder, perhaps, but
no faster To those of US who are
half inclined to talk more or less
rapidly under stress Of extreme veXa-
ton. McCumber is a constant source
of wonder. His face fiushes with
emotion, he brings his fist down on
the table with vigor, and slowly
pom der-ous-ly- yS-what-he-ha
-to-say. He talks the way we
imagine the average tortoise would
love TO talk.
Representative Warren Worth Bail
ey, of Pennsylvania, often comes
along with an original angle OF view
on a given proposition. group OF
congressman were discussing the
causes Of the last panic. One man
offered the opinion that it was largely
owing TO overprOduction.
II think you're right" remarked
Bailey. "Overproduction of needed
commodities is the curse OF the
times. Sometimes 1 am seized with
horror lest there be an overproduc-
ton of shoes. If there were too many
in the country, we would, of course.
all have to go barefooted."
When the suffrageIs marched up to
the capitol at little while ago, and
formed in festive platoOns out in
front armed with futtering banners
and petitions. one Percy +. Quin,
members of congress from Mississ-
ippi, might have been seen in the
center of a group of onlookers stand
ing on the capitol terrace. Quin was
not in sympathy with the demonstra-
ton and muttered half to himself:
They won't get my vote"
Tom Heflin, Of Alabama, the lead
ing anti-suffragist in congress- chanc-
ed TO be standing nearby and over
heard Quin's remark. Now Tom is
10
voice TO sound precisely like that of
a frail little woman with a red nose
and strong opinions. Assuming that
tone for moment. Tom said:
We'll either get your vote or We'll
get your seat in congress-.
Whereupon Quin tried TO turn
around and answer in remark. He
was wedged in too tightly TO turn, but
over his shoulder hurled back with
acerbity:
You'll have a hard time"
Then the little sharp voice inquired:
Would you mind giving me your
manner"
Quin by a desperate effort con-
trived TO turn around then and when
he saw the ponderous, white-waist-
coated form of Tom Helm instead OF
a scrawny type of suffraget, he wilted
completely away and gave himself up
10 laughter IOT I'VE minutes.
When Nelson O'Shaughnessy was
still in Mexico City as charge d affaires
at the American embassy, he had the
acquaintance OF young American,
former race track tout, who was eX-
tremely useful in running errands TO
points where there was grave danger
OF being killed. This young man de-
voted almost his entire time consum-
ing the various brands of alcoholic
beverages 10 be had in the Mexican
capital, and this gave him an exag-
gerated sense OF bravery. II he
thought Of death at all, ii was simply
as a casual event too trivial TO be
avoided.
O'Shaughnessy desired 10 get word
one day from Gen. Huerta whether
he was planning TO attack the consti-
tutOnalist forces. Nobody dared make
the trip through the lines to where
Huerta was, however-that is, no one
except OShaughnessy's friend, the
former race track tout
Get the information" O'Shaugh-
messy told him, and when you come
back here don't tell what you know
to a living soul except me-"
When the courier returned,
O'Shaughnessy was in an important
conference with diplomats from other
countries. and at firSt thought IL ap-
peared diff1cult to get the message to
him secretly. But the brave messen-
ger had an inspiration. He said he
would break the news in code. Here
was the information, as he gave il in
the presence of the assembled diplo-
mats:
Il saw the bloke, and ne amt hep
yet TO what he's goin' Z do, but the
runs running high in the gauge, and
I think he'll strike a hefty wallop
soon"
Copyright. 1914. by Fred G. Kelly.
All rights reserved)
TllIrMTN VCHDC AnN