davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The fool-killer., 1914-10-01
A GIGGLE AND A WOPE.

Wholesome fun is all right in
its place. A good laugh is better
medicine than pills or paregoric.
When smile comes in at the
door, "that tired feeling goes
out at the window. Grins and
grouches can't live together.
The Fool-Killer has . always
tried to keep the corners of it's
mouth turned up, and it's windows
open to the sun. And when the
sun didn't shine, it has turned on
the electric light and whistled
Hurrah for the World and His
Wife, in the key Of F sharp.
And that amt so bad. If my
tomfool gabometer has eased the
pangs Of somebody's ingrowing
crouch, or kept some readers in
cipient blues from becoming ma
lignant, the effort has not been
wasted. [ might have tried hard
er and done worse. It is better tc
perform a little duty well than tc
fall down flat on a big one.
The Fool-Killer is glad to have
had the privilege Of serving its
readers with fresh, ripe smiles
on toast, with a hot roasted gri1
for dessert, and it will endeavor tt
keep it's literary pantry supplied
with these good things right a
long.
But times have changed, anG
conditions have changed will
them, and the world will never b.
the same any more. What was ap
pr c5-e,lte in the past is not appro
pirate now. Good as fun is in it
! place, it can t fill all the demand
of these perilous times. A goot
thick smear Of the sop of serious
ness just about hits the spot.
The Fool-Killer will have fu1
a-plenty for those who want t,
laugh, and also some serious tall
for those who feel that way. An,
if you feel both ways at once, yo1
}, ought to get religion, wash you
feet, send in a club and be happy
The fool-killer., 1914-10-01
STATEMENT

Of the ownership, management, cir
culation, etc., required by the act of
August "a, 1912, of The Fool-Killer
published monthly at Moravian Falls,
N. O., for Oct, 1914.
Editor, J. L. Pearson Moravian Falls, N. G.
Man Man farsom Fas Fa r.
Publisher, J. Z. Pearson, Moravian Falls, N. c.
Owner, J. L. Pearson, Moravian Falls, N. G.
J. L. Pearson Ed. Pub. and Owner
Sworn to and subscribed before me this 5th
day of Sept, 1914. w r. HUBBARD, N. P.
Ny commission expires 80 jan. 1916.
The fool-killer., 1914-10-01

Ii Woodpile has to put "war
tax" on us while we are at peace
with the whole world, what in the
clustering blazes will he do for ,,s
when we get into war? Scratch
your head five times and clear nm
your throat before you answer.
The fool-killer., 1914-10-01

Writing this funny stuff'' is a
serious matter with me. The med
icine it takes to make me smile is
a big fat club of subscribers with
little blue money-order enclosed.
Please tickle me.
The fool-killer., 1914-10-01

Lost-on the road from Berlin
to St. Petersburg, ten centuries of
civilization. Finder please notify
Royalty, Box %, Eastern Hemi-
sphere.
The fool-killer., 1914-10-01

| had "a cents saved up toward
buying me an automobile next
spring, but now they We gone and
put a war tax" on 'em, [ list
ain t going to buy nary one You
hear that, don't you?
The fool-killer., 1914-10-01

When it comes right down to
brass tacks, which would you
rather be-a live coward or a dead
hero?
The fool-killer., 1914-10-01

A philosopher who married an
uneducated girl calls her "brown
sugar, =" because she is sweet but
unrefned.
The fool-killer., 1914-10-01

Wonder if any Of the S'war
tax" will be levied on the CAB
traps Of the Redemocan spell
binders?
The fool-killer., 1914-10-01

The Fool-Killer has been en-
dorsed by the N. C. State organ.
ization Of the Socialist party.
The fool-killer., 1914-10-01

The men who are carrying on
that awful war are everyone op-
posed to Socialism on the ground
that it would "destroy the happy
homes" You haven t heard about
any happy homes being destroyed
by the war, have you? Why, of
course not! Who ever hear tell
of a nice, good-mannered thing
like war injuring anybody s
home? But Socialism would de-
stroy the home-so say the war
lords. Now tell me honest, pard-
ner, if you had to take one or the
other, which would you choose?
The fool-killer., 1914-10-01

ner, IT you had to take one or the
other, which would you choose?
All the efforts Of the cotton
raisers to get some help from the
government s new currency sys-
tenn have simply called forth the
statement that no DIRECT help
will be given. If anything is done
at all it will be done through a
string of banks about as long as
the Mites of Columbus oath, and
every bank will get it's rake-of.
By the time the little tad of
help gets down to the poor cot
ton raiser he will be paying a.
bout ten per cent compound inter
est on it, and he will be tied head
and foot with mortgages till he
can't wiggle his toes. How lone
will the Democratic cotton rails
ers of the South stand for such
business? After this drect slap il
the face, if they still go on voting
the mules daddy ticket, they DE
SERVE to suffer. That's all I've
lgot to say.
The fool-killer., 1914-10-01

This "war tax" hellabaloo re-
minds me of the feller who had
the itch and called it appendicitis
The fool-killer., 1914-10-01

The heather cannibals of Afri-
ca may now go to sending mission
aries to Europe.
The fool-killer., 1914-10-01

Ask for The Fool-Killer, ano
don It take any substitute.
The fool-killer., 1914-10-01
EDITORIALS.
Grin and bear it.
Hats off to the heather!

Europe to America -"Come on
in-the blood is fne!'
The fool-killer., 1914-10-01

I've got MY Red Card. Have
you got yoursp If not, why not?
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1914-01-13
REPRESENTATIVE GOELET
SIGNS ONLY 100000 LETTERS

WASHINGTON. Jan. 13.-No mem
ber Of the tariff buffeted and curren-
cy-torn congress did more to earn his
Christmas holidaythan Representative
Peter Goelet Gerry. millionaire mem
Der from the second Rhode Island dis
trict, who sent 100000 pieces of mail
matter during his first ten months al
the capitol
Obviously, the wealthy Rhode Is
lander did not write all the letters ir
long hand, nor did he lick all the
flaps on the envelopes. but he did
personally sign most of them, which
vas almost ten months work in itself
regardless of his other duties. Not
content to use the comparatively ex-
pensive letter head which the govern.
ment now furnishes its representa-
| tives, Goelet uses very classy, en-
| bossed stationery which he pays fol
himself. All that his voluminous cor
respondence costs Uncle Sam is the
transportation thereof.
Mrs. Gerry, formerly Miss Mathilds
Townsend and ou6 of the most pro-
gressive and we'll liked of the capitals
society women, spends a great deal OF
time at her husbands office helping
him materially.
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1914-01-13
WILL ESTABLISH FARM
TO RAISE EASTER LILIES

BROWNSVILLE, Texas. Jan. 13.-
There is only one place in the United
States, according to state authorities
where Easter Lilies will grow pro.
fusely at Easter time. This is La.
Palmas. a few miles below Browns
vile. and the southermost town in the
entire country. The federal govern
ment is considering plan to buy 6
tract of land at Las Palmas and es-
tablish there a national park--the
only one of its kind
Harvey G. stiles, the Texas horti.
cultural expert, visited Washington re-
Gently, interested department Of agri'
culture experts in the proposed parl
and urged that an experimental farm
be established in connection with the
proposed park for the purpose Of de
veloping Easter lilies and tropica
plants. Stiles is confident that the
government will establish the park.
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1914-01-13
FOREIGN DIPLOMATS AT
WHITE HOUSE RECEPTION

WASHINGTON, Jan. 1S.-The first
of the years official social affairs a
the White House will be held tonigh
when the president formally receives
the members of the foreign diplomat
.ic corps here. For time immemorial
the president has always opened the
official social season with this recep-
ton to the diplomats. OF the four bis
functions, the diplomatic, judiciary
congressional, and army and navy re-
ceptions, the diplomatic always is the
most brilliant. Besides the cabinet Of
ficials and their wives. the higher Of
ficials of the government and of the
army and navy attend the diplomatic
reception. The dress uniforms of the
service men make handsome setting
with the magnificent and sometimes
spectacularly unique dress worn by
some of the foreign diplomats, especi-
ally those from the Orient.
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1914-01-13
Found-Lady's metal purse contain.

Houhu-kduy mctdl purse COutdlu-
ing money. owner apply at police
office and pay for this notice
Old papers for sale: tied in bun
dies. Good for starting fires, etc. l5c
a bundle or two bundles for 25c
This office.
For sale-Two modern cottages To-
Gated on east Court street, seven
blocks from Main street. Inquire OF
Walters mill.
Now's the time to get that piece OF
furniture you have been planning on
while the big money raising sale is on
at Graham's.
To Rent-Largely. nicely furnishe ed
we'll heated front bedroom suitable
for one or two gentlemen. use OF bath
and phone. Call SOC Water. Phone
EOS N.
Penland Bros. new furniture var
moves all you have In one load. Coco
warehouse storage; rates reasonable
Phone 33s or call Penland Bros. 81,
Main street.
We have Portland and valley prop
erty to exchange for eastern Oregon
and Washington farms. We are ais,
lean agents. Bell & Gridley, 22;
Lumber Exchange. Portland. Oregon
Miss Tuttle of waila Walla has op
ened her art studio in the Smith
Crawford Building and will be her
Friday and Saturday of each week
Those interested In china painting
water colors or sketching, phone 2s0F
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1914-01-13
IYLE-GOLDENDALE LINE
Is BEING IMPROVED

KLICKITAT, Wash, Jan I3.-The
branch line of the s p. * 5. railroad
from Lyle to Goldendale is to be Civ
en- thorough overhauling this spring.
Tor the last week work train and
crew have been busily engaged dis
trihuting ties and steel all along the
line. Ballast is also being dumped at
required places. When this work has
been completed the line will be in
excellent condition as a new steel
bridge was built across the Klickitat
river, two miles north of Lyle. last
fall and concrete bridge built to
replace a wooden trestle in the upper
canyon about the same time.
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1914-01-13
PERSONAL MENTION

A. b. Edwards Of Stanfield, is in
the city.
F. c. Greer OF Weston, came in
yesterday from his home.
John p. McManus of Pilot Rock. is
in from the south end town today.
ID. c. Berry of Walla walla came
over yesterday from the Garden City
Attorney S. ID. Peterson of Milton
came in this morning on the walla
Walla local.
I Rev. A. NJ. Meldrum of Athena. was
an incoming passenger on the local
this morning.
Frank Neagle. we'll known local
blacksmith, has left for Vancouver
| for a visit.
w. l.. Van Slyke Of Freewater,
came over yesterday from the east
end OF the county.
O. p. West, local agent for the Ore
| gon Journal, went down to Echo on
business this morning.
John Rice OF Hermiston, is in the
city. having been drawn as a MEM
Der Of the grand jury.
Elmer Turner. local bottling works
proprietor, made a business trip to
| Umatilla this morning.
Frank Smith of the Alexander gro
cery department. left this morning for
| Portland on a brief visit.
James Brown, undertaken for the
| ~ 10
field this morning on business.
l.. A. Reineman, county water
master, came in this morning from
visit to the east end of the county.
r. Alexander. well known mer-
chant. went to Hermiston this morn
ing to visit his daughter, Mrs. f P.
| Dodd
F. s. Mckenzie. HevmistOn merch-
| ant whose store was robbed not long
since is here as witness before the
grand jury.
Lee Rarnes, deputy sheriff at Wal
lula, is here today to testify before
the grand jury in connection with the
! Hermiston robbery.
Hugh ONeil. travelling freigh,
agent for the O.-W. r. & n. came in
this morning from Walla Walla and
went on out to Pilot Rock.
]. f Montgomery and Charles H
| Marsh returned on No. II today from
a short sojourn at Hot Lake. Deputy
Sheriff A. c. Funk returned on No. 5
Rev. Charles Quinney of the Church
Ice 60 d.
lana where he will officiate tomor-
row at the wedding of Miss Kathleen
Furnish.
S. D. Taylor has recovered from an
illness which kept him confined ir
the hospital for two weeks. He i:
now acting as bailiff for the circui,
court
Robert Porter, Spokane expert ac-
countant who audited the books of the
water commission, is back in the city
to do some work for the Pendletor
Eoller Mills.
:, Frank Snodgrass. guard at the Ore
gon penitentiary. passed through Pen.
dleton today enroute from Montana
and Walla Walla in each of which
places he secured parole violator.
Charles Freeman, formerly press
man for the East Oregonian and now
foreman Of the mechanical depart
ment of the Lincoln County Times al
Davenport Wash. is visiting at the
home of his sister, Mrs 81 Reetz.
Mr.. and Mrs. Jean p. Kirkpatrici
arrived Sunday from Montana and
are guests of Mr.. Kirkpatrick's father
w. kirkpatrick, assistant secretary
of the Commercial association. Mr.
Kirkpatrick is a printer by trade and
may locate here.
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1914-01-13
KENNEWICK GROWERS
WILL FIGHT BLIGHT

KENNEWICK, Wash, Jan. 13-
The pear blight in this district is TO
be eradicated The campaign was
formally launched at a meeting of the
fruit growers of this district in the
Commercial club rooms. The meet
ing was addressed by Professor VIII
liam Miekle, instructor in agriculture
at the kennewick high school; Luke
Powell, horticultural inspector of Va
kima. Benton and Franklin counties,
and by F. E. De Sellem. agricultural
expert of Yakima county A commit
tee of three was appointed to draft
plans and bylaws toward organization
of the fruit growers into a cooperat-
i've body which is to take concerted
action against the blight.
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1914-01-13
Estes Barber Shop. s3a Main.

Estes Barber Shop. s3a Main.
Fl,h arrives daily. Oregon Market
Try Estes new barber shop
"Its the work."
Fresh milch cows for sale. Inquire
Gritman Brothers.
Wanted-Good. clean rags at the
East Oregonian office.
Joe Ell. insurance, room 3. Ameri-
can National Bank building.
Take no changes get pure U. S. In.
spected meats at Oregon Market
For sale-Four good work horses
Inquire G. W. Knight, 6ls Franklin.
Wanted-Position In hotel or pri-
vate family. Inquire ''S' this office.
This month only you can buy a
Knabe Baby Grand for $3.50. Jesse
Failing.
For rent-5 room house with stone
cellar. 100 Raley street Inquire
Walters mill.
Phone 444 for u. S. Inspected mea,
and more Of 1t by paying cash. at the
oregon Market.
The new spring styles in Hanan and
Walkover Shoes have Just arrived a.
the Schubert-Taylor Co.
What can you use in home furnish.
ings? Graham's big sale enables yot
to get 'it' at big saving.
Don't forget the big money raisin,
furniture sale at Graham's. Price;
have been reduced numerically.
The new spring styles in HanaI
and Walkover Shoes have just ar
rived at the Standardization Co.
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1914-01-13
GIRL DISAPPEARS ON
EVE OF HER WEDDING

SAN FRANCISCO, Jan. 13.-Police
at all bay cities were looking for
Miss Anna Ruffino. IS, who disap-
peared at the Ferry building as she,
Giuseppi Mascitelli and party OF
friends We're waiting to start for
Martinez. where she and Mascitelli
were to have been married.
The case puzzled the authorities.
Mascitelli was taking Miss Ruffino
from Concord. where her mother
lives to his own home in Martinez. AT
the Ferry building there was a mo.
ment's confusion and when the par
y reached the boat the prospective
bride had vanished.
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1914-01-13
Students UclD Pastors.

WALLA WALLA. Wash, Jan. "a
Minister'S OF the city who are oppos-
ed to the use of school buildings for
dancing found unexpected allies
when several of the high school stu
dents announced that they will op-
pose the use OF the gymnasium for
dances.
The students have no scruples
against dances but say the gymna-
sium is for athletic purposes and that
preparation of the floor for dancing
will ruin 1t for basketball and in
door sports. The board of control OF
the associated students is solidly
against dancing in it and will offer
a resolution at the next meeting of
the students.
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1914-01-13
Engineer Dies ut Throttle.

SEATTLE, Wash. Jan. 13.-While
driving his engine at a speed of So
miles an hour, George S. Perry. engi-
neer of the Chicago, Milwaukee &
st. Pauls fast overland train the
Olympian, dropped dead of heart dis
ease soon after Perry had won a race
with train on a rival road which
Easton.
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1914-01-13

dates or dates of any kind on Sun
day.
The reason given Is that many OF
the girls have been leaving the hall
Sunday evenings, ostensibly foe
church and returning some hours lat
er in the company of young men.
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1914-01-13
Church Dates Barred.

WALLA WALLA, Jan. 13.-Going
to church on Sunday night is strictly
prohibited girls of Reynolds hall.
Whitman's dormitory. Helen L.
Burr, dean Of women, announced that
the girls must make no more church
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1914-01-13

Many members of the United States
geological survey leave government
service at the time when they have
become most valuable as public SER
ants. salary being the incentive TO
change.
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1914-01-13

II you never expect to die nor your
property to burn. But-as these
things will happen. 1t will pay you to
get some good life or fire insurance
from Percy Folsom. office with
Farmers Union Grain Agency, Pen
dleton.-Adv.
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1914-01-13

Wireless telephoning is now success
full up to 800 miles. Marconi says
that the Atlantic will be spanned very
soon.
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1914-01-13
Hard Times Dance.

There will be hard times dance at
Eagle-Woodman hall. Wednesday
evening, January 14th. Three cash
prizes. All promised good time.-Adv
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1914-01-13

1t is claimed that fully $4,000. 900
horse power can be developed from
waterfalls in the National Rorest re-
serve in this country.
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1914-01-13
Notice.

man Hall Saturday evening, January
l7th.-(Adv.)
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1914-01-13
People Have
Faith in
Advertised Goods

Advertised goods of standard make are the
most salable goods.
The public looks on them as something with
fixed and tangible value.
People reason that if manufacturer is will
ling to spend money in advertising he has by
that token faith in himself
They know that all the advertising in the
world will not make them keep on buying an
article unless il has merit-and they know that
the manufactures is figuring on the repeat sales
for his profits.
y local dealer who pushes the goods man.
ufacturer is making known through the columns
of the local newspaper is moving with the tide
of demand.
He is swimming down stream and the going
gets easier as he moves along.
The public follows the man who gives il
what it wants when it wants it.
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1914-01-13
LOCALS
d Advertising in Brief

RATES.
Per line first Insertion. .l0c
Per line, additional insertioo. SC
Per line, per month. .&l.OO
Count ordinary words to line.
Locals will not be taken over the
phone and remittance must accom-
pany order.
East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, 1914-01-13

Mr.. and Mrs. Jean P. kirkpatrick
arrived Sunday from Montana and
are guests of Mr.. Kirkpatrick's father
w. kirkpatrick, assistant secretary
of the Commercial association. Mr.
Kirkpatrick is a printer by trade and
may locate here.
The Idaho Springs siftings-news., 1914-10-10
AN OLD ONE BY MARK
TWAIN

When Mark Twain in his early
days was editor of Missouri pa
per, superstitious subscriber
wrote him saying that he had
found spider in his paper, and
asking him whether that was a
sign of good or bad luck The
humorist wrote him this answer
and printed it:
"Old Subscriber. Finding a
spider in your paper was neither
good luck nor bad luck for you
The spider was merely looking
over our paper to see which mer-
chant is not advertising, so that
he can go to that store, spin his
web across the door and lead "a
life of undisturbed peace ever aft
erwards.
The Idaho Springs siftings-news., 1914-10-10
For Rent

A newly decorated five
room brick house located
on two lots on the cor.
ner oppoaite Chamberlain
sampler. Price $500 per
month. Also for sale sew.
eral very desirable four
and five room houses. For
particulars inquire of
The Idaho Springs Lumber
23lS Miner St. or Phone
Idaho n
The Idaho Springs siftings-news., 1914-10-10
Notice to Voters
Personal Registration

Personal Registration
Idaho Springs being a city of the
second class, personal registration be-
comes an absolute necessity with all
voters who live within the corporate
limits of Idaho Springs, and also all
voters outside saiu limits, wbo vote
in precinct numbers IL. IL, I3, IA and
l5.
Fer the purpose of making such re-
gissratioD, Mr. Don j. Mcdonald and
Mr.. John T. MalIa.ieu have been ap-
pointed Deputy County Clerks, and
hey will be in session at the City
Couaeil Room in Idaho Springs OF Tues
aV, October IL. 1914, from twelve
clock noon until nine O'Clock p m.
~aid deputies will sit for period of
THREE DAYS ONLY, THURSDAY,
OCTOBER Is, 1914, being the last day
| upon which registration can be- made in
aho Springs. After that date no
person can be registered unless they
apply in person in the office Of the
County Clerk in Georgetown on or be
fore Monday. October l9, 1914. that
being THE VERY LATEST DAY FOR
REGISTRATION UNDER THE LAW
YOU CANNOT VOTE UNLESS
YOU ARE REGISTERED AND YOU
CANNOT BE REGISTERED UNLESS
YOU APPEAR IN PER- ON.
If you were registered for the Primary
Election Sept. sth, 1914, yoa will be
registered for the fall election, No
yember 3, 1914, provided you have not
changed your place of residence. If
you voted at the last City Election,
April lst, 1918 or the Primary Election
Sept. 8th, 1914, and have changed your
residence since that date, you must
make the charge when the Deputy
| County Clerks are in session, or you
| cannot vote Nov Sd, 19l4.
SEE THAT YOU ARE REGISTERED,
| ASK THE DEPUTIES.
Georgetown, Colo, October 3, 1914.
L. A. HAFER, County Clerk
The Idaho Springs siftings-news., 1914-10-10
DENTIST
DR.. w. T. Cam over Merchants and
Miners National bank.
Electric Range Operated cheaoIv.

Electric Range Operated cheapIy.
An electric range displayed recently
in the windows of the electric lisht
company at Salt Lake City was op-
Grated continuously, both day and
night, for . week. at . total cost OF
$1.1S. This figure was based ON energy
at four cents a kilowatt hour, with q
discount Of ten per cent Tho stove
contained one oven the temperature
Of which was automatically cont oiled
BY . thermostatic device.-Electrical
World.