New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1914-12-06
EXTRAORDINARY

|OF all forms Of humor none IS more de-
" lightful than the humor TO DE iouiI III
epistles written by those unaccustoineu ~
letter writing. 1t is so much easier 70 Say
with the tongue what one mas 10 say 5II''i. -
Use the Den. Even those accustomed TO the
,yr;ting If letters find on reading over what
they have written that they have OCCASION
aIl,, Numbered in a most amusing way and
would not for anything have sent that letter
without corrections and rcviSiOns. Many OF
these letters find their way into the Van-
ors denartments at Washington, and
charming volume might be made OF them.
Hcre IS one such letter, sent to the Pension
Department. II was a war veteran applying
for pension:
The way | got my war ingery was ketchin
Of a hog. The Hog was wanted by our captain an.
for forege We was chasin Of her and she
crawld threw a hOal. and | thot was about the
size Of the Hog. and tried 90 crawl threw Dut l
stuck and irwin TO wrigle out throde the rails
off and one it hit me on my head and knocked
me senseess. | do not think that the pig mao
nothing TO do with my line OF duty tor ana
not ketch the Hog. WITCH She never war cauJ'
Another applicant for pension said in his
letter:
got blood poison by being hit with a hens
eg wen cam back from the frunt. Inc eg was
not good. Wen you send my penShun l want
the deed made so my wife can get none oil II
she throde the eg. She war a rebel.
One day there wandered into the health
department of a western city the following
letter of inquiry:
DEARE HELrH DoCKTER.-Deare Sir, would
ike for You if You plese 20 send me correct
Statistics Of your Annual Death Rate per ,OOO
and what they Died Of and Correct Population
Of your CITY. Also the Weekly and Monthly
and Annual mean humidity and the maximum
Temp mean Temp velocity Of Wind high and
low Temp. | would like to know all about the
Temp Of your climate.
statistics" and the various kinds Of
Temps and "humiditics, high md low,
common 20 the city were forwarded to the
anxious inquirer
Into this same department Of health came
another letter of inquiry OF another nature.
1t was as follows:
To THE HELrH oFFIcE.-Can you tell me
ANYTHING Of Daniel Bell who was torn up by the
bears out there. Can you give any account OF
his whereabouts. Send me word soon and how
long ne was sick and how long. from his wife
c. BELL.
The postmaster Of a Colorado city re-
ceived the following comprehensive letter Of
inquiry from a man anxious to know some
thing about a woman. The letter ran as
follows:
KIND And DEER CIR, Pleas 20 let me know is
they a light-complcctcd blonde woman with
three false teeth in your town named Eliza
Evcline Testers and what about her? She
may Of got married since She went on out there
and if so please say who TO. She went out
there thinking her chances in mattcrmony
would be better there than here, but She Amt
wrote how she come out. Letters wrote by me
10 her have come back 10 me threw the dcd
Letter office. Does that mean that she IS dcd:
If so send full particulars. When last heard
from she was the agency for a new kind Of
coffee pot She may Of went at that again but
more likely she got married. Her desire was for
a stddv man with no bad habits and some
means Of so0tabe age. II there is such a man
in your town mcbbc his wife is her. Also say
I'm your Letter is the climate ont there sOotablc
for lung troubles and what is the favoritc dis
cczcs and do they cause fatal dcth. But most
of all about Eliza Evciine Tcctcrs. She may
of went out 90 Caliiorny and II so where Is she;
She is q smalli5h woman shy one eye and the
other pale blew and weighing about l3j pounds.
So please 20 ANGER back saying where Is she and
what is she a doing Of Il she ain got married
witch she probly has. Yours in luv.
\ brief note sent to a druggist by a mother
4 4 q. ia