El Paso herald. (El Paso, Tex.) 1901-1931, 1914-12-12

ARE singin' in clost harmony, 1 Was
Seem Nelly Home
"Au at wanst tn chairman gets up,
hammers fr silence, an tnthrolooces
tn first speaker in these clown
terms: 'Gintlemen,' he says, tn pest
iv times must come to an en- We
ARE so unfOrchnit as to nave win
us tonight tn HOn'rable u. LemueI
Higgs, who is known to tn ponce as
tn Big Wind iv TIL Sixteenth Ward.
I don't know how he got in but here
he is. He has asst me to be alloWeo
to address We, an own "a. IN pTls-
ince iv a few iv me mortal lnlmles IN
the aujience I la CONSENTED. GueslS
ar-re requested to injye themselves. as
best they can durin' his ballyhoo buI
/ must remind thin that If h APP
plaud him with tn chinyware they VIII
be charged with breakage. Gintlemen'
Misther Higgs.'
AT that tn poor fellow leaps to his
feet. His face is now a light green IN
color an it wears a smile that makes
We think he may have TUX an overdose
iv ~strychniue. Befure he is fairly up
he hurls a c%onvivial story at tn au-.
jience. It splutters fr a mlnylt an
goes out in TIL air like a f~tre-cracker
on a rainy Fourth iv July. lie trleS
another an tn la-ads down oeIoW DS-
gin to scrap their feet an move their
chairs.
CONVERSATION starts up again. T h
walters thrip over chairs There is a
noise " breakin' dishes in tn pan
thry. TIL fiddler in II oTehesthry
| men in tn corner begin singin' IN.
sicond verse iv Seem Nelly Home
whic is the same as tn first an tn
twinty-sivinth.
stop aven if he wanted to an now he
don't want to. Fin'lly the brutal
chairman hauls him back be tn coat
tail, yells, Time so that it can be
L---n - ahH LHTa-g#-a hn 0nnwnnTnwu
a few words in hanks an sets down
i'm his chair. mOps his face with a nap
kin. an turns to his neighbor an says:
I'How dye think it whit? But tn
n~eighbOr's throat is so dry that he
can't answer He's tn mex victim to
be led to the ~thrapdure. An mind We
these ar-re tn first speakers. TIL last
orator, if he isn't dead " fright be
TIL time he's called has to compete with
a dozen arguments an close harmony
/ Quartcts, tn lou laugh that speaks tn,
I vacant bottle, an maybe a rough an
tumble fight or two.
ct wanst knew a man that was a
! habftchoOl afther-dinner speaker, He
cuddeat pass q RESTRAINT without COM
| posin' q speech, an afther he'd finished
a frugal meal iv wheat cakes an,
dhraw-wan in a dairy lunch, he wud
rise an. bowin' to the waitress, say
NIisther Chairman befure he cud re-
! cover himself.
Gle was a pale. thin man because he
attinded a bankit every night iv his
life an niver cud ate anything. Why
dye do it, foolish wan? says I. I
{ don't know says he I hate il. No
wan can imagine tn suffrin's I endure
while waitin' to be called on or the
reemorse that follows tn speech he
s2ys. Something ought to be lone to
heal these miserable brethren iv ours.
But I don't believe in harsh methods.
Little be little their mind IN body
shud be strengthened. They shud be
| encouraged to shut up. All comic pa
afther-dinner orator shud be confined
TO a room be himsilf an tn nurse
shud serve his meals through tn
| thransOm. No meal shud be spoke iv
as dinner. Ye niver heard iv an af-
/ ther-breakfast orator or an afther-
supper orator.
u can reminder whin afther-dinner
orathry was wan iv' tn prOudest in
! stichoOshions i've American life-whin