Grand Forks daily herald., 1914-12-30
O o o 600 90 o o o 30 O
Q LAUGH WITH US o
0 Q o 0 o 0 o o o o o o o

the car was crowded. Suddenly 4
coin was heard to drop. An old man
stopped and picked il up.
HAS any one lost IL sovereign" he
inquired. anNiously.
Nine passengers hurriedly searched
their pockets and shouted: 81 have"
We'll, I've found IL penny toward
it" said the old man.
Shopkeeper ito old wOnlan)--6 ol,
must know. ma'am. that candles have
sone UP four pence a pound.
Old Wonlan---Wcll, we'll, and would
You tell me what's the reason?
Sh"pkccpcr--On account of the war
ma am. OF course.
to think the villains arc fighting with
candle light.
James started his third helping of
pudding with delight.
Once upon Il time. James" ad-
monished his mother. there was a
little boy who ate too much pudding
and he burst!''
James considered. There amt such
a. thing as too much pudding he de-
cided.
There must be-" continued his
mother. elise why did the little boy
BURST
James passed his plate for the
fourth time, saying: Not enough
boy"
Old Lady (irritablyl-lIerc. boy
I've been waiting some time to be
waited ON.
Druggist Boy--ycs, ina am. What
can I do for YOU:
Old LADY, want a stamp.
Druggist Boy-Yes, ms'an. Will
you have it licked or unlickcd:
An old Scotswoman was famous for
speaking kindly. No sheep was SO
dark but she could discover some
white spot to point out to those who
could see only blackness. One day
Il gossiping neighbor lost patience
with her. and said angrily:
"Wumnan. yell hac u guide word
to say for the dcevil himself!'
Instantly came the reply:
"Wccl, he's verra industreeous
body"
There could be no dispute i'll the
matter. The Jockey was just over
weight--only the merest fraction. but
enough to disq,iality him.
| The disappointed owner glanced
from the little rider to the scales, then
to the rider again.
| William, nc SdlQ, can You GO
something to tighten yourself a bit -
NO. sir: ain't 'ad bit of any sort
these two days
Hum! Shaved?'
Yes. sir. five minutes ago"
Finger nails?"
| The jockey held out his hands. The
nails were clipped almost to the
quick
For moment the owner was silent.
1 N13o, h~ir LAT ii,
| Run away and have YOUR tonsils
cut" he shouted. Hurry, lad, hur-
ry!"
York County Farmer (burs,ing into
the village inn )--What dye think. ST.
| las? The bones of prehistoric man
have been found on Jim White s
farm!
Innkeeper-Great gosh! hope
poor Jim'1l be able to clear himself
at the coroner's inquest.
A smart New York girl at Newport
last summer administered "a clever
rcbuke to a blase and patronizing
young Englishinan whom She met
The girl overheard her hostess say
that she wished to introduce the Brit
OH to her (thc New York girl) and
the girl also caught his reply:
Very we'll, trot her out
When the Englishman was pre-.
sented the girl bowed, carefully sur.
veyed him from head to foot, and then
quietly said to her hostess:
Thank you. Now trot him back,
| please"
Sir Herbert Tree told a story of his
own school days when presenting
prizes the other day at a school
speech day.
"On one OCCASION" he said, my
teacher admonished me thus:
Herbert, you will end your days
on the gallows'
"Onc night quite recently, when
was acting Fagin in oliver Twist,
this same teacher turned up and he
happened to come around to see me
just when I was being led off with
a rope around my neck.
"There, what did I tell you?' he
said triumphantIy."