The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1914-04-28
Statesmen, Real and Near.
BY FRED c. KELLY.

II came to pass. in the course of the
House debate or IAN appropriation bill a
while ago, that a certain eminent Texas
statesman was making an urgent plea
for a great many items to be spent in his
home town That led Representative Ed
ward Heating, Of Colorado, to form him.
self into a human hook and ladder wagon
so to speak. and rush to the rescue OF
the public money that was thus threat
ened.
But the Texas man had the floor and
refused to yield when he saw Heating
getting into his oTatoricaI rubber coat
You'd like to eat me up wouldn't your
he hurled at Heating, tauntingIy.
WhereupOn Mr.. Alfalfa Bill Murray, of
Oklahoma. took the situation into his
own hands, and regardless Of parliament
tary procedure. shouted:
He says he dassent eat you up. It'd
be against his religion"
What's that" asked the Texas man,
with curiosity all aroused. Anybody
would wonder what had been said that
could conflict mans religious beliefs.
He adheres to the old Mosaic law"
explained Murray loudly. and so he
can't eat hog meat"
When John Jacob Rogers first struck
town as a member Of Congress from
Massachusetts. he fell in with his imme-
date predecessor. Butler Ames. and
Ames magnanimously undertook 10 give
him a fair start
Sometimes" Ames explained to the
newcomer. lit is difficult to get a suit
able Office room in the House once
Building. and a new man is usually
shunted OF down in the basement. So |
have taken the liberty of filing a claim
on my own office in your name and you
can move right in. II is convenient to
street cars, mail chutes. hotels. and lots
OF things. besides having a nice view
Fine exclaimed Rogers gratefully,
and now that ! am relieved Of bother
ing about an office. I must go and look
for an apartment in which my wife and
] may dwell
that. too. / am just about 10 move out Of
an apartment that thought might
please you. and so ! have taken the lib
erty Of taking an option on IL for you
Rogers looked AT Ames' apartment and
the next day moved in.
Another thing" went on Ames: II
Joined a suit pressing club when first
came here. and ! forgot to tell the man
] am leaving Congress When he calls
for nv clothes Monday. you might ex-
plain TO him
"Or. he might just take my other
suit. and go right ahead" suggested
Rogers.
Very well. and now is there anything
else I can do for yOu?''
Yes. there are a few little things"
replied Rogers. For example wish
you would let me know where you have
been buying yoUr cigars and groceries.
And what seat have you usually occupied
when YOU vent TO the theater? Also, n
you have any old shoes or discarded
clothing you're not needing. ! wish you
would leave them here for me-. When I
succeed man. ! dislike to do the thing
by halves"
\ certain member OF Congress was
back home in the midst OF a primary
campaign at the time OF the vote in the
House on the canal tolls and he was
extremely anxious not to declare him
self one way or the other. During his
absence he was paired with another man.
II opposite party. who was absent on
man IS technically and rather pessimis-
tiCally known as a dead pair" whereas.
a pair with a man who is on the Job !
and "therwis" would vote. is called a !
i've pair. II Is an advantage to be !
ln" Of a live pair. because one thus |
kills on a vote on the other side Of a |
Thinking to do the absentee |
4 favor. the House pair clerk sent a |
telegram TO him back home saying
Not" that You are in dead pair. Do
you want liv" pair?
Now. in order to form new pair |
the member would have had TO declare !
which sid Of the tolls question he was
IN. and that was the very thing ne was
anxious not to do Not even his wife
knew which side he was on. and he |
desired to keep his position Of open !
nindedness until after thu primary cleo
lion. II he ignored the telegram. though. !
1 would look as II H. were afraid to let /
MS position he known.
so he went To the telegraph Office and |
Wired this:
Am not.
II the pair clerk could tell from that |
which side the man was on. he was |
Welcome to the knowledge.
Representative Walker, Of Georgia. !
vent barrel otcd until he was a grown |
he never acquired honkworm |
one may judge nv his dynamic per- /
ouality. They tell this story about his (
'are!Oot DAYS on the farm The story
,ocs better II one has a fair knowledge /
4 carpenters terms
Why don't YOU get yourself a pair of !
h"eS?" a neiEhbor asked Walker.
What's the use
We'll. shoes would protect your feet
They don't need protection Walker
: said TO have replied. proudly Il ran
brad briar' with the soIes Of my
eet.'
Copyright 1914, BY Fed {. Kelly. All right. re-
seuedl