The Daily Missoulian., 1914-03-12
Even Bakers
BASEBALL DRAMA:
SCHULTZ OLD
FRIEND
BY r. w. LARDNER.
CHARACTERS.

rank NJ. Scnulte, an ouUieiueF.
Heine Zimmerman, i Bear Wher-
eyer You Put Him.
81 Simpson a Recruit.
George Pest, a Cub Fan.
Joe Bug another Cub fan.
Scene3Old Chi and Tampa, Fla.
Time March.
Scene 1.
Bug stand with their feet on the rail0
Rug-Some cold tonisht.
Pest-Some cold is right. I'll be
glad 60 get away from here.
BHg-Cioin' away?
Pest Yes, I'm beatin it to Florida
tonight Coin to drop III on the Cubs
III Tamna.
Bug Gosh. ! wisht could go along
i1noa any q the Cubs personally?
Pest Sure | got lot o. pals on
the team Johnny Evers and Frank
Chance was two o my best friends.
Course they're both of EN- gone now
but | know Tom Needham and Larry
Cheney and Roger l5resnahan and
Heine Zimmerman ana Frank Schultz
Pest-Do / know schultz? Say
him and | is just like brothers.
call him Wildfire.
Bug Does he know You're comm
Pest No I'm fixin to surprise him
Rug-l'l bet hen be glad to see
You.
Pest WIN he be glad to see me
Say. hen pretty near kiss me. l can
have anything he's got
Bug Wen, hope YOU have a good
time. Good luck and please to Of
met YOU
Pest Same to you So long. ana
maybe III run acrost YOU when I get
back to dear old Chi.
Scene 2.
tThe lobby Of the hotel at Tampa
The athletes are lolling around En-
ter Pest He approaches Schnlte.)
Pest-Are YOU one O the Cubs?
schulte-Me? No work for one
O the Chicago papers.
Pest-O, is that so? Tribune?
Schulte-No, I'm Mr.. Fish of the
Journal.
Pest-Please to meet you Mr.. Fish
Is Schultz and Zimmerman anywhere
around?
Schultz think they have gone to
church. No. Here comes Schultz
now.
Fenter Zimmerman)
Pest--fIe looks bigger in his citi-
zens clo'es
Schultz didn't get your name.
Pest2 Mr. Pest shake hands with
Mr.. Schultz
tPest and Zimmerman shake
hands0
Pest-Please to meet YOU Mr..
Schultz. I've often watched YOU PLAY
I've often wanted to meet Won.
wanted to ask YOU how YOU hit them
home runs.
2im-o. I'm some hitter all right
But I Wisht | could hit 'em like Zim-
norman.
PestI think you're a better hitter
than Zimmerman. He strikes ont q
good deal.
zim-Yes. hut he does it on pur-
pose. If he didn't strike out oncet in
awhile no pitchers wouldn't pitch agin
him.
Pest-What was the matter with
him last year?
Zim-O. him and Evers didn't get
along. He knowed so much more
about managn' a bah club that Ev
efs got jealous.
Pest-Anv truth in the story about
him and F,vers havin' a fpht?
lin Sure they was. Zimmerman
give him an awful beatin Their
Cheney and Bresnahan and Needham
| and Archer cut in. and Zimmerman
| licked all of EN-. Then they called
in four or five policemen and Zim-
norman kicked 'em all out the door
pest-Fd like to meet this guy
Zimmerman.
zim-You better keep away from
| him when he gets mad.
Schulte-'rhere he comes now. II
| introduce YOU.
Isl Simpson enters and is hailed by
| sehultel
SIMPSON, Whaddya wanto
Schultz Mr.. Zimmerman. shake
hands with Mr.. ! didn't get
Your name? Pest? Shake hands witt
Mr.. Pest.
tsimpson and Pest shake hands)
= 'ai ltstSc W illttl Splt, MI Sttiii
norman. I've often saw you play.
sSimpson-Whats the gag?
Zimmerman-Gag? Where do yol
get that stuff. Hcine?
Simpson-Tryin to kid somebody?
Gle passes on.)
Pest-Whats the matter with him
Sehulte-He's always like that. Hes
got the swell head.
Pest-ls he sore at me?
| Sehulte--O, Heine's sore at every
body.
Pest-I always heard he was a Pc
culiar guy. but | never knoWed he
WAS as bad as that. You could tel
by the way he acts on the field that
he's swell headed.
Zim-He amt no more swell head
ed than some o them bugs up i'll the
stand. Nor boneheaded, neither.
Pest-Whats the matter, Mr.
Schultz? You talk like you was sore
at them bugs.
Iim-Iou bet I'm sore at 'em, and
II you're one of 'em you'd better beat
1t before you get hurt, you bum.
lEXit Zimmerman