South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1914-12-12
Statesmen Real
and Near.
By Fred c. Kelly

+ q
O'Hair learned on election night that
he was defeated for congress by Mr..
Uncle Joe Cannon he was perturbed
almost not at all.
To the contrary. going back to
dwell in Paris, Ill, after March will
solve a grave problem for Mr.. O'Hair.
Ever since he has been IN Washing
ton as a member of congress he has
lost much peace of mind over the
question of what 70 do with his collie
dogs. When one has no collie dogs,
one can shut up the old home, bring
the family to Washington. settle
down in a furnished apartment, and
be a congressman without much diff
Guilty. But when there are seven or
eight collie dogs complications arise.
because a flock Of .collies will not
thrive in the average steam-h Gated
apartment; moreover, great many
landlords will try to discourage ten
ant from moving in with eight or
nine jovial, big collies. That many
dogs bounding up and down the hall
way barking merrily will in time
make the owners family just as I'M
popular as If they had q player
piano and a photograph
IL may be we'll 10 recall at this point
just how OHair happened to have
seven or eight or nine collie dogs.
His plan originally was to have just
one collie. a dog man in his town had
a little group of four collies for sale
and O'Hair. accompanied by his small
daughter, went around to pick one
out. Each collie of the four had its
own individuality and was so cute
and cunnin' that O'Hair simply could
not make up his mind which one to
buy. SO he compromised by taking
all four. The more he thought il over
after he got the little quartet home
the more he became convinced that
he had done the right thing. For, as
L have often heard him say:
Almost everybody has a dog, bu'
when you drive by a yard with four
dogs in it you'll inquire who lives
there"
All might have been we'll if Mr..
O'Hair had not been elected to con-
gress. When it came TO leaving Paris.
Ill, for Washington, ID. c.. he pre-
pared TO place the dogs in storage out
on a farm. But one of the dogs gave
him a funny look or something and
ne was convinced that they would
not be content any place except right
at home Thus il became necessary
for him to hire a man to come and
live in his house while he was in
Washington and mother his cOllieS.
A year ago one of the collies, a
particular favOrite which O'Hair's
little girl had named Rover. became
the parent of a delightful little fam
ily Four or five of the offspring
survived. and in that way it came
about that O'Hair has eight or nine
collie dogs. Now, congress is no place
for a man with that many collie dogs
back home. 1t is not improbable that
O'Hair, being a man of real parts,
could have thought up a way TO de-
feat Mr.. Uncle Joe Cannon except
for having all those dogs on his mind,
wondering all the while how they
were making out.
The moment the early returns con-
WINGED him that he was defeated
O'Hair determined that he would now
carry out an ambition that he has
had for more than year. I refer to
his desire to own a total of IL col
lies. You may wonder why a man
should want just IL cOlhes Why not
go ahead and make it an even dozen +?
you inquire.
But you overlook that Frank O'Hair
has given a great deal more thought
TO this than you have, and he knows
exactly what he's about. He wants
IL cOllies because Il is a word of
AAbAN man one SNlldDlSs whereas nine
and ten and twelve have Just one
syllable each. IL is much more i'm
preSsive, says Mr.. O'Hair, TO reply
In a word or more than one syllable
when somebody asks you how many
dogs you've got. Try il yourself.
Wen say that you're sitting in a
railroad smoker. for example, and the
talk veers around to dogs. You make
some comment about your dogs and
sharp-eyed little man, Wen say,
asks suddenly: How many dogs have
yoU?"
Then very slowly and solemnly
carefully separating each syllable. YOU
reply, Wen say rather pOnderously:
Il have eleven"
O'Hair figured it out exactly right.
Anybody would be impressed with
that
Copyright, 1914, by Fred g. Kelly)