The Washington herald., 1914-02-06
ststssnen, Real and Nsar.
By FRED q KELLY.

By FRED q. KELLY.
Senator was making speech one
day and telling with q great many ges-
lures exactly what this country needA
After tho speech was over the Senator
met Vice President Marshall out In the
senatorsss private lobby lighting cigar.
You overlooked the chief need Of the
country" remarked Marshall.
Whats that?
THE thing that seems to be needed
most Of an declared Marshall pufing
cigar"
Representative Julius Kahn. Of CALI
fornia, used to be an actor and once ap-
peared In an elaborate scenic production
In which certain OF the characters ap-
peared TO sink down into the Internal
regions BY means Of a trap door and
plenty Of red fire the scene was made
realistic. One night the smoothness of
the production was marred somewhat by
the fact that the trap door was unusually
small and the process of sinking into the
regions Of fire and birthstone could not
De accomplished with the facility and
dispatch that one associates with such
q Journey. Kahn was even In those days
q little thick through the waist line
and when II came his turn he stuck
fast In the trap door. He was Obliged
to scramble back and abandon his plan.
as he solemnly set forth in his lines.
ito sink into eternal torment forever
and ever"
A young man In the upper balcony
who had been following the action OF
the piece with great deal Of interest.
exclaimed:
Thank goodness. helrs full"
Senator Henry F. Hollis of New
Hampshire, ran for governor of that
State when he was only thirty-two years
old. He does not look more than about
forty even now. and it is difficult to be-
lieve that he was a gubernatorial candi-
date more than twenty years ago. The
of this Is that hardly
week goes by without somebody walking
up to Hollis and saying:
Il can remember of voting for your
dad for governor"
Whenever one hears a Congressman get
up and talk for an hour about a point
of parliamentary law. one is disposed
to point with pride to the admirable re-
straint and self-abnegation Of Repre-
sentatives Asher Hinds, OF Maine, and
s. ID. Fess. of Ohio.
Kinds and Fess probably know more
things that are so about parliamentary
law than any other two members of the
House-Hinds because of his long serv-
ice as parliamentary clerk to the Speaker.
and Fess in consequence of having
studied the subject and taught 1t in COL
leges for years. Yet Kinds or Fess sell
dom. II ever, say a word about par
liamentary law. So far as they are con-
cerned, they are reconciled to have par
law seen but not heard. They
appear to have adopted Martha Little
toms notion that parliamentary law is
an instrument to enable one who knows
nothing about a given proposition to pre-
vent one who does know about it from
getting anything done.
Representative Henry W. Temple, a
first term member from PENNSYLVANIA,
vas professor of history and political
science at Washington and jefferson Col
ege at the time OF mis- election to Con-
Siess- Soon after his election he resigned
MS job. But the college trustees were
more given to precautions than he They
thought OF the uncertainties of political |
ife and felt sorry for Temple. So they |
aid aside his resignation and gave him a |
cave OF absence until March l. 1915
Representative Ira Copley, of Illinois. |
ellis this little joke on himself In one |
'f his campaigns. Copley used for pur-
Doses OF illustration in his arguments |
,gainst low tariff, a personal experience
N buying plates.
Il had occasion to buy a dozen China |
'lates for wedding present" stated |
ropley. "and they cost s. each. Now. |
when L was down in Panama I found |
could buy those same plates from the |
for about sixty cents apiece. |
What is the answer? Not the tariff. be- |
'ause the tariff on those plates was only |
couple OF dollars a dozen. The differ !
nee was due to our expensive methods /
II distribution. l can show you
At that point he was interrupted by a
nan in the audience with bushy red
I'D Ike 10 ask a question:" said the
nan. with great politeness.
Certainly" said the genial and urbane
'opley.
THE thing I desire TO know" explained
he man. 'fs this: What possible interest
an I have in plates costing s. apiece.
When the price of foodstuffs is so high
hat after buying a plate 1 would have
lothing to put on IL?
Representative Samuel f. Winslow. OF
went to England a few
ionths ago and spent some time studying
he British parliament at close range.
Immediately on his return a newspaper
fan rushed to him to ask il he couldn't !
lake an analytical comparison OF the
Iouse of Commons and the House OF
Winslow wrinkled his
ace up learnedly and spoke as follows:
'The two Houses are a good deal alike.
he members there swagser in just as
as they do here, and have
luch the same knack at paying no atten-
on to what is going on. About the only
reat fundamental difference between the
NO lower Houses that l could discover.
fter a great deal of thought and study.
as that in the House OF Commons they
ave more cuspidors.''
Copyright. 1914. By Fred c. Kelly. AL rights re
scred-l