davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Metropolis weekly gazette. (Metropolis, Ill.) 1???-19??, 1914-12-25
WATERsPoUT OF TIN VARIETY
ewaIIop Mcbride Placed Himself In
Ludlerous Position While Listen.
Ing TO Sailors Yarn.

Coroner James J. PheIan OF Bridge
port, whose investigation OF the SIAM
ford wreck has given him . nation
vide reputation for courage and as
tuteness. said to > reporter. apropos
Of legal tangle:
These lawyers tried hard to con-
fuse the issue. and, II they had sue
ceeded, they'd have put all hands In
the Iudicrous position OF Swailop Nc
Bride.
"swallop Mcbride, you know, sat
listening quizzically. at the lodge. to
sailor who had just returned to
cinnanaInson from q world tour.
And did you see any water.
spouts?" the voyager was asked.
''Waterspouts? Sure!"
And he described a waterspout
with all its horrors that had nearly
done for his ship In the Indian ocean.
AT this point swallop interposed.
Holy smokei he said. you make
me tired All this talk about q water
spout, Why. what the dickens IL
there In waterspout to be afraid
Off
You'd know soon enough said
the sailor loftily, IL you ever ran
acrost one
IRAN acrost one?' said Swallop.
Why. there's three In our back yard.
and they don't brighten me no more
than baby boston Globe. :
Metropolis weekly gazette. (Metropolis, Ill.) 1???-19??, 1914-12-25
How Luxury Kills.

The disastrous effects of luxury are
well shown In the death rate In New
York city's West side between Eighty
sixth and One Hundred and Twenty
fifth streets, region which consists
largely OF palatial residences and elab-
crate apartments, and where santa
ton and hygiene have done their ut
most to provide against disease. Here
the mortality is 1870 per thousand
q startling figure when It is remem-
bered that the rate for the whole coun
try Ia about fifteen and the highest
rate In New York, that for the Fast
side district south of Grand street
only 26.31 per thousand. Late hours
heavy eating and drinking. and seden
tary habits are advanced by the
statisticians as being responsible for
this high death rte among New
York's well-to-do..
Metropolis weekly gazette. (Metropolis, Ill.) 1???-19??, 1914-12-25
U. S. GOV. LAND FREE

Under special act of Congress the
agricultural land in the U. s. Forest
Reserve OF Arkansas can now be
homesteaded In tracts of 100 acres
to each person, free of cost. 100000
acres free pasturage range where cat
tie, hogs and sheep fatten eight
months In year without grain. No
overflow lands. Country very healthy
and well watered with running
streams. We select these agriculture
al lands. take applicant to lands and
locate you. Send 25 cents for State
map showing location Of Reserve and
copy of Special Act to
A. v. Alexander. Locating Engineer.
Little Rock, Ark.-Adv.
Metropolis weekly gazette. (Metropolis, Ill.) 1???-19??, 1914-12-25
surely Fitted for the Job.

A farmer who lived in certain
rural village had 20 employees on his
farm, and as none of them was as en-
ergetic as the farmer thought he
should be. he hit upon plan which
he believed would cure them of their
lazy habits.
Men," he said, one morning. Il
have a nice easy job for the LATEST
man on the farm. VIII the LATEST
man step forward?"
Instantly 10 of the men stepped for
ward
why didn't you step to the front
with the rest?" inquired the farmer
OF the remaining one.
TOO much trouble" came the reply.
Metropolis weekly gazette. (Metropolis, Ill.) 1???-19??, 1914-12-25
To Get Rid Of PImpIes.

Smear the affected surface with
Cuticura Ointment. Let It remain
FIVE minutes. then wash on with cuti-
cura Soap and hot water and continue
bathing q few minutes. These fra
grant, super-creamy emolilents quickly
clear the skin OF pimples, blackheads
resiness and roughness, the scalp Of
dandruff and itching and the hands
OF chaps and irritations. For free
sample each with 32-p. Skin Book adj
dress post card: Cuticura, Dept. x,
Boston. Sold eyerywhere.--Adv.
Metropolis weekly gazette. (Metropolis, Ill.) 1???-19??, 1914-12-25
Somewhat Awkward.

A young Partisan, noted for his
grace and readiness as second In
many duels, had been asked by q
friend to accompany him to the
mayors Office and aff1x his signature
as a witness to the matrimonial cere-
mony.
He consented, but when the scene
was reached awkwardly forgot him.
self.
Just as the mayor was ready for the
last formalities, he broke out, to the
establishment Of all parties. with the
remark:
Gentlemen, cannot this unhappy at
fair be arranged? Is there no way OF
preventing this sad occurrence?"
Metropolis weekly gazette. (Metropolis, Ill.) 1???-19??, 1914-12-25

John r. Drexel. discussing his de-
tention In Germany, said:
THE kaiser has forbidden the Ger
man troops to drink. the car has for
hidden drink to the Russian troops
and France has stopped the sale OF
absinthe.
THE war, instead Of relaxing tenn
perance morality. has stiffened 1t. In
this stiffening effect the war isn't like
Blanc's case.
"A ragman knocked at Blanc's door
ANY old rags or bones, sirY he
said.
No. Go on away said Blanc. My
wife's gone South for the winter
1.-THE ragman beamed.
81 give three cents apiece for
empty bottles. SIR. he whispered.
Washington Star.
Metropolis weekly gazette. (Metropolis, Ill.) 1???-19??, 1914-12-25

Little while was left alone with sis
terra beau.
Mr.. Champlay." he presently said.
what Is a popsn1ayys
Sisters beau wrinkled his forehead.
"Wh-why, q popinjay il a-a vain
bird
Are you bird. Mr.. Champlay?"
Certainly not"
That's funny. ma said you was .
popiniay. and pa naid there was no
doubt about your being Jay. an sis-
ter said there was small hopes OF your
poppin'. and now you say you amt n
bird AZ all. That's funny"
Metropolis weekly gazette. (Metropolis, Ill.) 1???-19??, 1914-12-25

"of course" said young Mrs. Tor
klns. reproachfully. 'ft's easy for =
man 10 adopt an attitude OF patient
superiority toward the food. A man
doesn't have 10 realize the Increase In
prices IA a woman does"
What makes you think THAR"
Il have been making an invessiga-
ton. A ten-cent cigar doesn't cost .
bit more than II used to-"
Metropolis weekly gazette. (Metropolis, Ill.) 1???-19??, 1914-12-25
He Was immune.

A deadly turpinite shell exploded in
the trench An hour or two later an
officer found the row of soldiers cold
In death. Only one man was alive and
he was brayely at his post.
We'll. WELL" he exclaimed. how
does 1t happen that you are alive,
when AL your companions have sue
oumbed to the terrible gases?"
oh. pshawl" replied the soldier.
they never bothered me any: | used
10 drive q garbage wagon"
Metropolis weekly gazette. (Metropolis, Ill.) 1???-19??, 1914-12-25

Recorder OF Doeds' Was the sign
over the door OF handsome building
on one Of the more prominent OF the
golden streets
A new arrival within the peariy
gates entered
~The recording OF deeds interests
me-" he announced II used 10 DO a
lawyer In the other world. But why
IL II that all the clerks are working
except your" he inquired OF the only
Idle member OF tho force.
Il record the good deeds" explained
that member courteously.
Metropolis weekly gazette. (Metropolis, Ill.) 1???-19??, 1914-12-25
Stakes His Next MornIno.

Willis Howell's pet bull ate so many
apples in the orchard that, according
to Willis. he became intoxicated and
had to be treated q the barn. The
beast recovered" with terrible
thirst.
Willis missed the bull next after
noon and found he had jumped into a
well. A block and fall and team OF
horses had to be used to get the animal
out.-Newton IN. j. Dispatch to the
New York Tribune.
Metropolis weekly gazette. (Metropolis, Ill.) 1???-19??, 1914-12-25
Malapropos.

What possessed you. Jane. TO say
what you did to Mr.. Smith when he
took you out7"
What do you meany"
You asked him II he did not enjoy
the sight OF the blue ether all about
him. and be just out Of the hospitals"
Metropolis weekly gazette. (Metropolis, Ill.) 1???-19??, 1914-12-25
The Mauic WASHING Stick

AGENTS WANTED: The Magic Washing
Stick 10 not soap nor o washing powder, but
truly wonderful article which makes dirty
clothes clean and SNOWY WHITE without
q bit Of rubbing Price 25c. Money back II
not satisfied. Big money for agents. Write
for particulars. Address Mr.. Woodrow, P. o.
Box 900. Sherman. Texas-Adv.
Metropolis weekly gazette. (Metropolis, Ill.) 1???-19??, 1914-12-25
An Elaborate Apology,

why do you never make any
money!"
because | am SO particular about
the company SEEK replied the man
who is ever self-reliant. "A fool and
his money are soon parted associate
only with wise men,"
Metropolis weekly gazette. (Metropolis, Ill.) 1???-19??, 1914-12-25
Easy Equipment.

DO you know there is said to be a
fish trust?"
Il have heard 40. But I hardly I'M
dersfand how there can be fish trust
when anybody can be an independent
operator who can secure couple Of
hooks and piece Of string"
Metropolis weekly gazette. (Metropolis, Ill.) 1???-19??, 1914-12-25
Tired Of Domestic BassIefleId.

Mrs Henpeck Is going round in
Mysteries Poor Mr.. Henpeck Is still
detained abroad"
NO. he isn't"
Then why does he stay?"
Says he'd rather be where the fight
ing is more general"
Metropolis weekly gazette. (Metropolis, Ill.) 1???-19??, 1914-12-25
Matched.

Il am sure that theirs is love
match"
''Why?"
Because both the bride and groom
feel certain that they are marrying
above their position"
Metropolis weekly gazette. (Metropolis, Ill.) 1???-19??, 1914-12-25

Il see where Mary Garden Is going
to give up grand opera and go as
nurse to the front. DO you think she
win. be eficient?"
We'll. after all her practice, she
ought TO be able to manage a large
ARIA
Metropolis weekly gazette. (Metropolis, Ill.) 1???-19??, 1914-12-25

Morton has mortgaged his automo-
bile to buy fur coat. Says he couldn't
ride In 1t without one"
Nothing unusual In that. but what
did he mortgage TO buy the car"
Himself" =
Metropolis weekly gazette. (Metropolis, Ill.) 1???-19??, 1914-12-25
Not In the Bond,

did the aviator who advertised to
fly, rain. hail. blizzard or cyclone do
his stunt?"
mo. he called 1t of because 1t driz-
zled."
Metropolis weekly gazette. (Metropolis, Ill.) 1???-19??, 1914-12-25

Are you saving up something for
rainy day."
No replied Farmer Corntossel.
What we're troubled with out this
way Is an annual drought. II we had
more rainy days everybody would have
money"
Metropolis weekly gazette. (Metropolis, Ill.) 1???-19??, 1914-12-25

Pretty Mrs. Hardcash's rich old
husband. who was 30 devoted to her.
IL. am told. on his last lega."
You don't say so! She told q
friend OF mine the other day he was
Just dying to please her"
Metropolis weekly gazette. (Metropolis, Ill.) 1???-19??, 1914-12-25

Il left a wad Of gum under the edge
OF that table," said the lady, coming
back.
The druggist turned the table over.
Here are 81 wads Of gum" said
he after taking quick census. Can
you distinguish yours?"
Metropolis weekly gazette. (Metropolis, Ill.) 1???-19??, 1914-12-25
On the Vessel.

Great Scott. we are right in the
teeth Of driving gale!"
Then why don't you use the bitts?"
Metropolis weekly gazette. (Metropolis, Ill.) 1???-19??, 1914-12-25
A Precise Mind.

4 don't know what I'm going to do
with that boy" said the worried
teacher
rs he stupid7"
Not exactly. | asked him who the
rulers OF Europe are and no said he
didn't know. and he'd bet didn't.
either
Metropolis weekly gazette. (Metropolis, Ill.) 1???-19??, 1914-12-25

The man who marries to suit him.
self is easily suited-so his friends
think.
Metropolis weekly gazette. (Metropolis, Ill.) 1???-19??, 1914-12-25

"It is wonder there lie so much
discussion about aviation"
why IL Il a wonder?"
because Il Is such a soar sub.
iect"
Metropolis weekly gazette. (Metropolis, Ill.) 1???-19??, 1914-12-25
And Cant Get Il.

Rinks-You told Jones you lent me
five dollars-why didn't you keep It
to yourself?
Jinks-I wish l had need 1t.
Metropolis weekly gazette. (Metropolis, Ill.) 1???-19??, 1914-12-25

Mrs.. Jlnks--What's the best and
easiest way TO wash lawns?
Mrs. Blinka fahsently)-wait until
II rains.
Metropolis weekly gazette. (Metropolis, Ill.) 1???-19??, 1914-12-25
important to Mother

Examine carefully every bottle Of
CASTORIA. safe and sure remedy for
infants and children, and see that 1t
signature psssa sa Of Zxxzzzzw
In Use For Over 30 Years.
Children Cry for Fletchers Castoria
Metropolis weekly gazette. (Metropolis, Ill.) 1???-19??, 1914-12-25

YOUR OWN DRUGGIST WILL TELL YOU
Try Murine Eye Remedy for Red. Week, Watery
Just Rye comfort. Write for Book of the Rye
By mall FREQ. Murine Eye Remedy Co.. Chicago
Metropolis weekly gazette. (Metropolis, Ill.) 1???-19??, 1914-12-25

Vo,,r, M.~ Learn the Automobile business, ~
lOunS wan drive, handle, repair automobi1easi
Thorough course, tuition reasonable. Demand foel
competent men always We as sistyou to good paying
lad Trsnss School A5so owe Street. st. Lssi Ia
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1914-02-19
o o Letter Writing % o
BY MRS. FRANK LEARNED.
Author Of "The Etiquette OF New York Toes

Letters are indicative of char
acter education and manners.
The writer's own self-respect is
shown in the care and trouble
taken TO make letter as perfect
as<msy be.
Without doubt II is an accom-
phshment to he able 10 say the
right thing and to say it in we'll
chosen words, just as it is an
art to talk well, but nothing can
be done without thought and
practice Thoughts must be coll
lected. ideas arranged. if one
would write we'll A friendly let
ter should be colloquial, full OF
pleasant talk and news.
If something important is TO
be said. it is advisable 10 begin
with the subject matter and to
avoid unnecessary circumlocution
and bear toward the point.
A dignihed tone shows more
self-respect than an assumption
Of familiarity A letter written in
clear, legible handwriting. dated.
signed and addressed properly.
IS sure to make a good impression
on the recipient.
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1914-02-19

And especially does he know the
value of advertising
If the Emperor has quarrel
with one of his sons, It is the
Emperor's version of the story
that gets to the public first.
Recently. when one of the
young princes got too previous"
his faith ordered his arrest, and
the young man was thrown into
the career"
Also. the public was informed
of the -act, This is on the theory
that if you, yourself. do not state
your case. your enemies will do it
for yol
And the fact that the Emperor
would not prasect his own chill
dren from punishment If they
violated the law made every
German citizen think more of the
Emperor.
He plays no favorites.
This is great publicity stuff
get it on the wire Hans, and
quickly-lch geoibble!
The army II the Fatherland is
a vast hody Of mon taught 70
obey, to, lead strong and earnest
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1914-02-19

IN the haste and confusion OF
present-dsy existence we are
neglectful sometimes of the
considerate and courteous things
which go so far toward making
the charm Of life The many in
ventions for saving time and
trouble arc largely responsible
for the neglect Of the art of let
ter writing. The telephone or
telegram can not be substituted
for letters or notes without an
absolute loss in the best stand
ards Of manners. Correspondence
is an indispensable accomplish
ment ana no excuse can be made
reasonably for avoiding H.
Unless a letter is in earnest it
is dull and lifeless The best
letter writer's of the world have
cared for what they were doing
and have cared for the friends to
whom they were writing.
To win and hold friends, to
keep The bonds Of affection strong
between families widely separat-
l ed, nothing Is more essential
g. than letter writing.
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1914-02-19
Stars and Stripes

West Virginia farmer picked up
shotgun and shot corn off his toe.
May have been shot with corti
himself.
Resolution in New York State
Senate declares u chicken is a
chicken up to the age of eight.
Very fascinating at eighteen.
In Chicago now it's campaign
candy instead of campaign cigars.
Not the least triumph of suffrage.
English Government announces
that it viii concede nothing to
Ulster. but that it is considering
important concessions 20 Ulster.
Explorer Saackleton hopes to
find gold near the South Pole.
Cold cash.
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1914-02-19
Germans Wiser Than Americans in Many Ways
Ito be continued.)

These ringing words of wisdom
were given out to the German
public through the official pub
Lefty bureau. and, let us hope,
passed into the sum of conscious
thought that makes up the Zeit-
geist
The genius of Germany is es-
sentially practical.
Germany produces not only the
best artisans and craftsmen. but
the most highly skilled farmers
in the world. In Eugene Grubb's
book on Potato Culture, the au-
thor says, German farmers lead
the world in the production of po-
tatoes, in both quality and guam
THY"
Germany taught us the secret
of glucose and beet sugar The
laboratories of Germany gave us
the "Kelsbach" and the "Tung
stem"
Yankee genius is quick to learn,
but we lack the patience to cling.
We are more intuitional than
scientific.
In manufacturing, Germany is
our one big rival
Also. we are hersSand she
knows it.
Germany welcomes big bust
ness. and places a premium on
organization
Germany knows that organiza-
ton betters the quality and re-
duces the cost.
And we should, too.
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1914-02-19
WE WE'RE PLAYING POOL FOR THE DRINKS.'

why young past him when times for advance
ments
Bills dressed and hurried to work leaving Bill
addresses where he could apply for job As Bill sat
there thought of what his friend had said about his clothes
anything the matter with them thought Bill they re
looking III that money the new
would cost, til get job anyway After breakfast
close by Bill started out to look for job
with recommendation from the minister and
leading grocer of Bills home in his pocket The first
place Bill the shipping department of large
when he finally the boss and showed him
the letters they seemed that young and some
others looking his shoulder great deal of
Finally the boss said Il don't know who these
hicks BESIDES need anybody just
way'-H. c.
Ito be continued.)
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1914-02-19

~ ERMANY is the land of
VI education.
Germany maintains the
biggest. best and most effective
publicity bureau in the world.
This bureau is under the inn
mediate supervision of the
Emperor William.
The object of a publicity bu-
reau is TO publiclze, or make pub
lie
1t must always be remembered,
however, that the manager of Il
publicity bureau is interested in
leading the public to arrive at
certain conclusions.
+. That is, all publicity bureaus
have certain alleged truths that
they desire to fix and fasten in
the public consciousness.
Governments exist through and
by being backed by public opin-
ion
The Germans have a word that
means the consensus of will and
belief OF the many. This is the
word Zeitgeist,
Kaiser Wilhelm recently said
before a Farmers Alliance: My
business is not TO rule; It is TO
educate so as to form highly
intelligent and efficient Ieit
geist,"
Through publicity bureaus the
Emperor models. molds. trans
forms. evolves. the zeitgeist of
his~country
Sometimes we hear the EN-
peror William spoken of az a
War Lord"
The fac, is. the Emperor is no;
a warrior, primarily. He is a
business man first, and second
a soldier.
The man is a great economist.
An economist is one who is in
terested in the production and
distribution Of the things that
are necessary 10 the Well being of
the civilized.
The economist is producer
Of wealth. He is an efficiency
enginee,'.
The Emperor is intent on hay
ing his people Wen fed. well
clothed, well housed His adj
dresses Ton farming msnufactur-
ing. transportation, banking, are
models OF plain. simple. lucid
common sense. The m. stands
FOR education, Industry, economy
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1914-02-19

Fist fight in Japanese Parlia-
ment. Disclosures of a pork bar
rel also. A progressive race.
Wolf bites several persons in
Kansas City With high cost of
living, simply can't keep him from
the door.
The female relatives Of Mayor
Catick, of San Bernardino, Cal
being sufferagists, he does the
family wash. Thus he keeps out
of hot water.
It's a poor lawyer who hasn't
found a way of mitigating the in
come tax.
Secretary BRYAN has been pre-
scented with p llama Should he
quite an added attraction at
Chautauquas.
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1914-02-19
By EBERT HUBBARD

lives; to work, play, laugh, study,
sins.
The discipline of the German
army makes for manhood" says
the Emperor And then he adds:
Our business is not to destroy
it is to protect"
And the first thing in the mind
Of the Emperor is to have some
thing worth protecting.
Germany is producing two
lhings-men and wealth. And
wealth is only produced by labor
and intelligent organization.
An economist must know math-
ematics. He must know costs.
And Germany is not only the
home of education, but it is the
birthplace of modern music and
mathematics
Education is organization of
ideas.
Music is organization OF sounds.
Mathematics is organization of
numbers.
Business is organization of the
factors that produce wealth.
Says the German Emperor,
"Conscription in the Fatherland
will never be abandoned. because
conscription means the organiza-
ton of our young men into
highly effective solidarity. And
this solidarity is essentially in
dustrial Our army is a vast
school, which not only makes
good soldiers in time of war. but
good citizens in time of peace
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1914-02-19
The Kind of, Man Fulton County
NEEDS for Public Works
Superintendent

Following its emphacay frank and sweepingly severe
exposure convict Fulton County the Grand Jury
has recommended the elimination of superintendent OF Public
Works H. Donaldson from the thoroughly unsatac
tory situation, along with his brother, Captain Tom
Donaldson.
granted the Grand Jury guided by the
degree high intelligence that has characterized its other
findings thus far doing when made this
specific recommendation.
Moreover the Grand Jury will be commended warmly for
BEGINNING AT THE TOP when it set forth deternnedy
to clear away thoroughgoing scandal in the county!
We conclude that recommendation to the Donadsons
will be agreed by the County Commissioners perhaps
without fight protest the dposed officials but that
it will be agreed to, nevertheless
That assumption being correct it is well enough to GO
LITTLE SLOW IN PICKING OUT A SUCCESSOR TO THE
PRESENT COUNTY SUPERINTENDENT!
worth while for any length of time that is not
started right
The officials succeed the deposed must be the
things that they not.
If punishment is to be made secondary consideration in
the County camps favor of the reclamation
regeneration of the criminals held therein then the
high up who will insist upon this ideal and
to that it obtains all through the system.
The next Superintendent must be A PRACTICAL MAN in
many lines
The county needs with experience in construction
work, such type for instance railroad maintenance of
way engineer roadmaste superintendent Prob
ably such man. connected railroads entering
Atlanta, could be secured.
This type of trained construction engineers
builders repaer and accustomed hand
ling large bodies of skilled and unsed bOr-brdge builders
track layers, section hands etc.
They generally free from political influence the rail
roads employ them specifically for their ability keep the tracks
in safe condition and NOT because they may have pull
They schooed in discipline and in initiative
emergencies The late Haahan president the
Illinois Central Railroad from this class of railroad
The Georgian not concerned in the slightest degree with
any particular We only desire THE RIGHT SORT
MAN regardless his station put the
the convict camps in Fulton County.
Nothing whatever will be gained by swapping for
witch!
That has been tried many times in the history of this old
world but there record of the having proted
anything to anybody in any time.
Let the Donaldsons gobut do put Dcnadsons by
the public works replace deposed men,
worse than Donaldsons!
thorough sitting of applicants and suggested
intendent.
EVERYTHING DEPENDS UPON GETTING THIS GREAT
AND GOOD WORK OF REFORM STARTED RIGHT!