Omaha daily bee. (Omaha [Neb.]) 187?-1922, 1914-10-12

than religion and philosophy TO reconcile
us to the shortness OF life. for who could
wish to remain in the vale OF tears when
nc il tortured by one who knows It all,
and tells Il with it's tirelcss mouth.
There Is an almost endless variety OF
different species of the Know II All. but
they all have the same general charac-
teristics. They have large. swelled heads
abnormally long tongues and cast iron
nerve, a mania for buttinE into things
that is none OF their business. and a
vanity that makes them perfectly miscr-
able when they have not attracted public
attention to themselves. To hear anyone
make a statement, no matter how trivial,
acts upon the Know II All like waving n
red flag before a mad bull. 1t causes II
10 throw a species of lit and foam at tho
mouth, as II falls at once upon the luck
less individual and rends him limb from
limb.
Among the most common and most
ferocious species OF the Know-It-All Is
tho variety known as the I-Toid- You-so
This fearsome bore IL always only too
plentiful. but Just at present the country
Is overrun with II.
This il always the case. however In
presidential years, and Is the main reason
why there is a growing sentiment in
favor OF extending the term OF the presi-
dent to eight years.
One OF the pcculiarities of the 1-Told-
You-so Know-It-All Is that 1t lays very
still until after an event has happened
and then 1t springs up and begins It's
unholy chortle that drives men to drink.
II lie hard enough to have to listen v this
soul-devastating sound when the matter
does not concern anyone more than
whether Taft or Bryan was elected. hut
IL becomes overwhelmingly painful when
one has to ait and contemplate ones
own plumbers and mistakes the while this
hideous monster feeds on ones vitals. Yet
nobody escapes. and probably nobody ever
lost their money In fool speculation oil
bought gold brick in the matrimonial
market. without an I-Told-You-So Know
It-AIl bobbing up and taking a few nips
ct him.
Another dangerous species OF the Know.
It-An is the corrector. This mean little
beast. which is closely allied to the
Skunk family, lies in wait until you make
an assertion or tell a story. and Their
with q shrek of delight II jumps in with
both feet Pardon me-" 1t ohortles a
it proceeds TO make minoe meat OF what
you have just said. But you are entirely
mistaken about Westminster Abbey beinl
located in London. II lie located In Hal
sted street. Chicago. two blocks from thu
FIstiron building, as you would know 4
you had ever read the historical works o
the famous German author, Wtzfpgen
brauer Pardon me, also, for CORRECTING
your statement that Ulysses s. Gran
was a great general; on the contrary. h
was the author of those tender line
that have SO often brought the tears Z
our eyes, Throw Him Down. McClua
ky"
Quite as affecting as the Corrector 1
the variety of Know-lt-All that is Gale
the Accurate. This bores you to deaf
by amending everything you say. II
methods are feline. II watches you as
cat does a mouse, until you make som
trivial statement that does not matter 1
the least. and then It pounces upon 30,
and sinks its fsngs into you. You ga
that you saw Jane on Wednesday aftel
noon You are mistaken" gurgles III
Accurate know-It-Arl, as it begins
enjoy itself. 1T was five minutes befoi
~ o'clock that you saw her" You sa
that you paid a couple of dollars fC
your gloves Excuse me-" says the A,
curate Know-It-All. you paid a dolll
and ninety-five cents" You say that the
was a bunch OF jolly folks over at n
Smiths last night. and you had a bull
time The Accurate Know-It-Al r
counts the names of every one who W,
present. what they said, what they he
on what they ate and drank IN wear