davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Winslow mail., 1914-08-15
NOT A PROMISING MARKET
Seasickness Probably Responsible for
Actors Disposition of Cargo
of Potatoes

The late William H. Smith of man.
agerial fame and Charley Backus of
minstrel fame many years ago en-
barked from San Francisco for Aus
tralia on a business venture.
The captain Of the boat, who was
an intimate friend of each, suggested
that the voyagers lay in cargo of
potatoes to dispose of on their arrival
there. The "Murphys" were accord
ingly purchased and placed on board.
Now, Mr. Backus was always recog-
nized as great comedian, but with
the deck Of a ship instead of a stage
as his rostrum he wasn't SO funny.
In short, Mr.. Backus was seasick.
Mr.. Smith proved an excellent sailor,
and while Backus was stretched out
ON a chair Smith said, Charley, in
case you die, what shall l do with
those potatoes?"
And Poor Backus, who thought he
was dying, said: go to hades with
them"
The Winslow mail., 1914-08-15
NEW EXPERIENCE FOR BARBER
First Time He Had Shaved Man
Whose Face Had an Equal
Growth of Hair.

Capt. w. V. Lucas, who was an Off
Ger in the Fourteenth Iowa regiment,
tells an amusing story of an incident
that occurred during General Prices
raid into Missouri in the last year Of
the Civil war. The story appears in
Pilot Knob" by Messrs. G. A. Peter
son and ]. M. Hanson.
con arriving at Pilot Knob the aft
ernoon before the engagement Of the
Twenty-seventh, went into a barber
shop to be shaved. Suddenly, when
the barber had shaved only one-half
of my face, the long roll was beaten.
l left my chair instantly, and reached
my company, half a block away, with
one side of my face shaved smooth.
whereas the other displayed two
weeks growth of beard. did not
complete the shave until six days
afterward, when a colored barber did
the job at Rollo. rs miles away.
While working the dirt and sand out
of the long side the fellows curiosity
was excited, until he could no longer
refrain from comments.
Il nevah see a face befo', sah, said
he, dat one side was richer dan de
odder; but yo's is, suah'
my explanation seemed to afford
him great relief Compan-
ion.
The Winslow mail., 1914-08-15
NEW IDEA
Helped Wisconsin Couple.

It doesn't pay to stick too closely
to old notions of things. New ideas
often lead to better health, success
and happiness.
A Wis couple examined an idea
new to them and stepped up several
rounds on the health ladder The
husband writes:
Several years ago we suffered from
coffee drinking, were sleepless, nerV-
Gus, sallow, weak and irritable. MY
wife and I both loved coffee and
thought it was a bracer." (Delusion)
Finally, after years Of suffering, we
read of Postum and the harmfulness
of coffee, and believing that to grow
we should give some attention to new
ideas, we decided to test Postum.
"When we made it right we liked
it and were free of ills caused by
coffee. Our friends noticed the
change-fresher skin, sturdier nerves,
better temper, etc.
"These changes were not sudden,
but increased as we continued to
drink and enjoy Postum, and we lost
the desire for coffee.
Many of our friends did not like
Postum at first, because they did not
make it right. But when they made
Postum according to directions on
pkg, they liked it better than coffee
and were benefited by the change"
Name given by Postum Co., Battle
Creek, Mich. Read THE Road to
Wellville," in pkgs.
Postum now comes in two forms:
Regular Postum-must be well
boiled. 15c and Csc packages.
Instant Postum-is a soluble pow
der. Made in the cup with hot water
no boiling. soc and SOC tins.
The cost per cup of both kinds Is
about the same.
There's a Reason" for Postum.
sold by Grocers.
The Winslow mail., 1914-08-15
False Alarm,

Truth came up out of her we'll one
day with so merciless look in her
eye that disquieting rumors sprang
into circulation. Was she about to
take over the dominion Of the world?
A group of gentlemen made haste to
hustle up. "Maam! Ma'ami" they
protested breathlessly
well, who are you?" demanded
Truth, with ominous coldness.
publishers, If you please, ma'am.
Er-the advance notices of our books,
you know-er-er. In short, ma'am,
we need the money!" stammered the
gentlemen, In much confusion.
1t was impossible not to feel a GER
tain compassion for them ''Well, We'll
see what can be DONE" said Truth. not
unkindly.
The Winslow mail., 1914-08-15
FIRST HOME RUN OFF MATTYI
"Wee Willie" Sudhoff Turned the
Trick at the Polo Grounds, but
Did Not Win His Game.

One day two young hurlers were en-
gagged in a regular pitchers battle.
They were both right-handed, but that
ended the resemblance. One was over
six feet tall, the other was five feet
and about two inches over
On June 81. 1901, at the Polo
grounds, the home of the New York
Giants, these two huriers battled for
five innings without allowing a run. In
the sixth the visitors managed to get
a man on with their midget hurler up,
the little chap who had been
pitching his head off and come in from
his task with the sweat streaming
down his face.
Brushing out his eyes with his fists,
he picked up his little bat and walked
up to the plate. The big pitcher
smiled a rather plying smile, but
didn't let up on his speed. He flashed
the ball through with all the stuff he
had, and the little fellow swung at
it with all the stuff he had-and his
teammates declare with his eyes shut
However, an awful crack followed, and
the ball sped away beyond any field
er, and the pony pitcher galloped
around the bases, chasing the other
fellow in.
When he reached the home plate he
paused and posed for moment, then
drew himself up to his full height
five feet two inches-and grinned at
the big hurler, and the big hurlel
The Winslow mail., 1914-08-15
Express.

A German princeling went to pay a
visit of ceremony to small but an
cient and honorable city situated upon
a branch line of railway. His serene
highness had just stepped from his
private car upon the bunting-decked
station platform. Greetings had been
exchanged with the local receiving
party.
And what" said the prince to the
burgomaster, "are those children do
ing there on the tracks?"
Serene highness," replied the bur-
gomaster, bowing low, those are the
young maidens Of the city who ran
before and scattered flowers in front
of the locomotive Of your highnesses
train"
The Winslow mail., 1914-08-15
Soma Headline,

At the time OF the Volturno dis
aster a literary critic for certain
New York newspaper was acting as
substitute for copy reader who was
Ill. 1t fell to him to write head for
the sctory Of the disaster The story
was full of thrills, Of course, and ne
was told to condense them all in a big
black line to extend across the page,
leading the paper.
He thought for some time, tore up
several attempts, and finally submitted
this: 20 Restless Sea-"
The Winslow mail., 1914-08-15
All the Difference.

The four persons were having some
trouble in getting seated as the train
rolled out Of the station. One,
truthful looking old lady, insisted on
taking seat facing the front of the
train.
You know, can never ride with
my back to the engine" she said.
But, auntie, this train hasn't got
any engine" suggested one of the
younger ones selfishly. 1T has a mo-
tor"
And the old lady, mollifed, sat com
fortably with her back to the motor.
The Winslow mail., 1914-08-15
LONE SPECTATOR WAS READY
ence in Western League-8Ieach-
erite Was "AIl Set"

William Hart, the new umpire in the
National league, who is making good
in fine fashion, has been identi-
fed with baseball more than 80 years.
Until recently he still was able to
pitch, and in his day he was one of
the best twirlers in the business.
This is not Harts first experience
as an umpire. Several years ago he
umpired in the old Western league for
4 season and then went back to
pitching again. The veteran is full
Of queer stories Of his experiences.
Recently he told this one on himself:
"One day when I was umpiring in
he Western league 1 got to Kansas
City. The club had been going poor
3, and when the game time came
lround there were only eight specta-
.ors in the grand stand and one man
'itting in the bleachers. He had an
Umbrella over him, for the day was
itif1ing hot.
When it came time to announce
he batteries, 1 announced them to the
eight patrons in the grand stand, and
hen I thought I would make the an
louncement to the bleachers. So I
walked down to where the solitary
9leacherite was sitting, and, taking
,ff my cap, I yelled:
Ladies and gentlemen: The bat.
.eries for today are White and Black
or Kansas City, Green and Brown for
Omaha
The one lone bleacherite made a
esture with his arm and replied:
I'm ready. Go on with the game"
The Winslow mail., 1914-08-15
Cultured Tramp.

There came to the kitchen door Of
certain household in Philadelphia a
ragged hobo, swho took his stand
against the doorjamb and gazed long
ingly at food displayed on the kitchen
table.
you look strong" suggested the
lady of the house. Are you equal to
the task of saving and splitting half a
cord of wood?"
Equal to it, madam" said the
tramp, with courtly bow. "The ex-
preston is inadequate. am superior
to it."
And he went away.
The Winslow mail., 1914-08-15
NOTHING New.

Apropos of certain fresh revelations
of corruption in the realms of high
finance, Thomas w. Lawson said at
dinner in Boston:
Columbus found out that the world
was round. But surely lots of invest
ors before him must have found out
that it was anything but square"
The Winslow mail., 1914-08-15
The Dear Girls.

"He seems determined to kiss me-"
remarked the girl who was fishing
for compliment. "I wonder why?"
Hard to tell" said the other girl.
This is the season for freak bets"
The Winslow mail., 1914-08-15
The Way of II.

'I suppose you sat at the captain:
tablet"
''The captain sat at our table," re
sponded Mrs. Nurich, with dignity.
The Winslow mail., 1914-08-15
Another Pretzel BATTERY.

Der Herr Pitcher Schauffalaufe and
Ter Herr Catcher Ehlminghle have
signed with Manager Herzog af tba
Cincinnati Reds.
The Winslow mail., 1914-08-15

Be happy Use Red Cross Bag Blue;
much better than liquid blue. Delights
the laundress. All grocers. Adv.
The Winslow mail., 1914-08-15
Coniuaai Amenities.

MY dear, don't act like fool"
How can I help it when you told
me to follow your lead?"
The Winslow mail., 1914-08-15

Charity may begin at home, but you
frequently find 1t out when you call.
The Winslow mail., 1914-08-15

Ten smiles for nickel. Always buy Red
Cross Bag Blue: have beautiful, clear
white clothes. Adv.
The Winslow mail., 1914-08-15

A young man may fool girl as to
what wages he gets, but he can't fool
her father.
The Winslow mail., 1914-08-15

YOUR OWN DRUGGIST WILL. TELL. YOU
Try Murine Rye Remedy for Red, Weak, Watery
Just Rye Comfort. Write for Book of the Eye
81 mail Free. Murine Eye Remedy Co., Chicago.
The Winslow mail., 1914-08-15

There are people who look upon
matrimony as a necessary evil.
The Winslow mail., 1914-08-15

Chile has public debt of more than
$217 ,000,0 900.
The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1914-06-11
THE JOYOCS DEIILW AGONER.
Little Diversions Whcrewith tie Makes a
Church Member swear.

To THE EDITOR OF THE SUN--Sir: Kind
" thoughts permeate and animate my
entire being whenever the devilwagon
man torpedoes by, but there Is just one
man over In Jersey that | want. and |
want him bad"
To toot or honk his footing or honk-
ing apparatus IL quite beneath The ethics
OF his road manual. However. we will
let that trihing little violation of law
and courtesy pass, as It stimulates wit
and agility.
What | want this prince OF devilwagon
drivers for Is this He holds his machine
direct TO the road within few feet OF
his victims and then quickly points 1t as
IL to run them down.
Upon the occasion of my own discom-
fort and terror ! was near the Airing
ton Cemetery and In the company of two
members Of my family, who will testify
to the above and verify M statement
that the gentleman and his female COM
panion thought the incident very ludi-
crous indeed In fact their spasms OF
JOY provoked wonderful display Of
facial gymnastics.
am member of "A Christian evan
gel!cal church and to the best of my
knowledge and belief 7 am in good and
regular standing, but ] cussed
NEW YORK, June 10. q. Il. ID. II.
The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1914-06-11
lion Congress looked to President VIII.

ton Congress looked to President WILL
son, aud the President, who has small!
If any Spanish. relied upon Mr. LIND.
his special envoy. who Is helpless in
tho, hands. of n mo5O. AS for Secre'
tnry BRYAN. u master of verbosity on
the Ghautauq,ia circuit, he IL dumb as
IN ostra, escalIeehada In the presence
of a Spanish child what difference
In the handling of the Mexican bust
ness there might have been II Congress.
the state Department and the Presi-
dent had been conversant with the Ian
guage which Colonel ROOSEVELT exalted
at Madrid sixteen years or 80 after
San Juan.
The Colonel may he right when he
says. or Is reported to say. that be-
cause of the development of South
America to follow the opening Of the
Panama Canal Spanish will soon sup
plant French or English as 'the uni
versal language" by which apparently
is meant the Language Of trade and
diplomacy. but one has some doubts or
misgivngs when considering the fact
that in the ample years the Americans
have been building the canal and pre-
pairing to speed the development or
South America (the west coast nj least'
they have shown no yenrning to ground
themselves In the fundamentals of the
Indispensable language. II Is time for
them to wake up and apply themselves.
That Is why we urge Colonel RoosE
Wit Thy the way. does lie speak span
ish himself?i to repeat the very hand
some remarks he made nj Madrid when
he returns To the United States.
The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1914-06-11
EMERSON AND THE EONI Err.
siibe on the Rev. Dr. samuel OsgOod
Ascr1bed ~ Henry Cispp.

To THE EDITOR or THE SUS--Sr: The
notice of the tenth volume Of Emerson
Journals" in THE SIN repeats bon mot
attributed by Emerson to Henry Clapp
concerning DIR. Osgood, a Unitarian d.
vine OF those days" to the effect that he
looked "as II he we're waiting for a va.
cancy In the Trinity" as something which
the good Ralph Waldo" was mot above
quoting"
1t is u pity that good people, conds-
scending to repeat slightly malicious Cpl
grams. should so often omit the real point
of the wit which excuses the malice. At
the time OF the remark quoted above
(Clapp's authorship of which / EN- In.
clined, en- PEASANT, to question:, DIR. Os-
good had recently abandoned the Unita-
rians aisl Joined the Episcopallans. There
was talk In the clubs and the newspapers
of his taking orders in that Church and
receiving some post corresponding to his
acknowledged ability and his previous
eminence In the denomination which he
had left. And there was also talk, no
doubt mere unauthorized gossip, of his
appointment as one of the ministers of
Trinity Church. 1t was during this pc
Rod and before Dr. Osgood's future course
had been determined that the question,
what Is Osgood doing now?" was wttily
but goodnaturedly answered by the epl-
gram which. as IL reached Emerson con-
tanned a vulgar all1lsion to Dr. Osgood =
personal appearances, entirely obscuring
the wit and vulgarigng the spirit OF the
original.
The correction of historical errors does
not impol me, even In old age, to write
to the newspapers; but ] do hate to see
a good joke spoiled by good man, even
the good Ralph Waldo"
Let me add that / think Emerson
shared the universal human readiness TO
make some distinction between ''con-
VERT and "pegvert." 1t was hard for
him to regard with the same respect mot
mere tolerance or charity but respec)
two men, one OF whom had broken away
from bigotry and orthodoxy and come out
into freedom and progress, while the other,
after living and shining In that light and
liberty, had deliberately returned into the
darkness Of pedantry and the bondage of
prelatic government. | do not doubt that
even Emerson's catholic and sympathetic
soul was not aSpover chuckling inwardly
over shot hrel at a distinguished de-
serter. II. w. RAYMOND.
New YORK. June 10.
The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1914-06-11
Protection for Bior,e.

To THE EpIToR OF THE SuN-ST. For
most city horses summer means firing
work and frequent thirst. Tie sugges-
ton of dong away with drinking troughs
IL distressing. Rather multiply them, re-
moving objections by keeping them clean,
Pals filed by the Society for the Pre-
yentlon of Cruelty to Animals are in
valuable, but they can do no more than
supplement- stationary fountains
one class of troughs should be abol.
ished and replaced with better ones
These are the sort usua:.y foam before
saloons. Az they are iron they become
quickly heated through and heat the
water; being on the level OF the curb
they are Involvement for teams, and they
are catchalls for dust and rGbbSl VIVA,
is more, they are often dry. Down by
the docks, mp In the Bronx, on the long
heavy roads out OF the city. there Is call
for water for man and beast.
Abroad horse cab stands are not IN
frequently protected from the sun by
coarse awnings. In our treecss city
what boon such shelter would be foI
drivers as we'll as for the horse,
NEW YORK, June 10, Nj. y. n.
The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1914-06-11

oct must have careful study, to protect
the people of New York city. the own
ers. Of n passenger transportation line,
from the possibility Of awakening some
day to find that their investment has
been made to benefit the Post Office
Department. rather than themselves
Whatever agreement In respect of suci'
"a service is arrived at should he writ.
ten down Ivy men aware 1f the habits
aud practices of that Department.
Int who can defend Secretary Nc
ADoo's unprecedented demand that In
any bargain struck between the city
and the United States. provision must
be made for the publication. In every
daily newspaper in New York. at the
expense of the taxpayers Of New York.
of his correspondence IN the subject;
ignoring the lmposslbility of defend
ing the imposition of II condition 50
absurd. o: which Secretary MCADoO
writes with ludicrous assumption of
iinnlity. II must insist" who can ex-
plain IT,
Is IL psychological?
The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1914-06-11
L. ". -. en- R(H VISITORS.
Rights OF the ConsregatiOD to Hold Its
service Cndlstlirbed.

To THE EDITOR or THE SuN-SE. In
the discussion as 20 the right OF radicals
to invade churches and CateChise the
pastor | have not ~ en- amy word said in
behalf of tho members of the congrega-
ton which assemblies To worship God in
quietness, according 10 their professed
creed and order OF procedure.
IL seems to me they nave "A grievance
IN this invasion matter | know had
wh,n Tauuenbaum and "A hundred other
anarchists ana l. ". VS. invaded the
First Presbyterian Church. Although
those men were treated with the utmost
courtesy, being shown 70 seats and pro-
vided with hymn boOks--a hymn was
being sung when they came tn--tney
abused the hospitality Of both Or. Duff
field and the church officials.
Taunenbaum impuaentiy demanded that
nc and the others be allowed to sleep
In church. Upon being very courteouslN
told by DR. puiiield from the pulpit that
he had no authority TO grant such re-
quest Tannenbaum made the impairment
proposition that br. Dutfisld order the
men out Of the church. they to go with
The understanding that they should ,e-
turn after pr Duff,eld and the congresa-
ton had left
Now | had not gone Two miles IRON my
home in the midst OF Il binding snow
storm To- hear an impudent foreigner
make impertnent requests nor TO nave
him break up the service. Tannenb"um
was well dressed and the large majority
of tn others were comfortably dressed.
NEW YORK, June 10. j. L.
The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1914-06-11

Colonel ROOSEVELT owes 50 much 10
Spain aud the Spaniards that he would
have been unerateful il he had not
pra ised the sonorous language of CASTLE
when he met Spanish journnl' SITS At
the American Embassy In Madrid. We
hope thar he will relsat the panegyrlc
when he returns To this country, The
complication with Mexico caught Amer
leans still unfamiliar with Spanish
and therefore dependent upon interpre,
tiers and translators for information
about the cause and progress Of the in
surrection against IIUERrA. Had edu-
Gated Americans known Spanish hair
as we'll ms their own tongue FL raso
and Mexico city would not have yielded
bumper crop of misleading hctlons
aud wicked inventions.
\ member Of Congress who can speak
or read spanish II as rare rs a white
blackbird. For its Mexican informa
The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1914-06-11
VINO WROTE SHAKESPEARE 4?
The Learned Opinion OF Conspicuous
IIObOl,pn Archaeological.

To THE EDITOR OF THE SUS-Sir: A
whole Lot, wrote ShsAtespere; but |
doubt SHAKESPEARE haveinR written, the
Works in atributlon, to him. BY care
full scrutiny. II gradually apears evident,
by the strange wording. and broken
Stilelng, We are confronted with Work,
from Original. In different Lam
guidge, Eliminate. from People OF deep
mental development. advanced In the Gull
;ure far above, the English Classic of his
Time and IL Is clear. the Work as in
circulate distribution, a Translate adop-
ton, from "A different Foraighn NoteX: In
Translated Issue, as authorship, ana
probolly, taken from American Nations
Of Advanced Culture. adapt, Sinilitude
by the Artichiologic Technic, OF Marpert
Architecture in it's magnificent Structure,
n People of such Simultane development,
as v.ued by the Ruins. Mexico, c. Amer
lea Colorado, Arlz.. y Mexico, Peru
and the various Districts Of Explored
Archiologie of the Americas.
S. $. HEM.
Expert Specialist Research. American
Biblic Geography 1876. Orig. Manu-
script. Supplement Map. Charts, to
the Chapt: OF Bible Caldean Text,
(in conform adjustment, to extract.
from the Legal Servey Maps of the
Americas , Presented to Public library
OF y York Nov II. 1911. Lib Buletine,
Vol. 1911, T.. 772. this Map instigated,
and Directed, EXplor. ENcav Expedition
of the Americas--1 Sg6-190i.-7, In Result,
by the FOSSIL Specement Recovered. Dedi-
cate Archiologie Departement-Mus OF
Nat. Hist Of America 1s9S-l0l4 tsee
Croncle: y. Paper 19ll-lS9I.
The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1914-06-11

Apparently Commissioner WILLIAMS,
our city purveyor Of water, gas. aud
electricity, hasn't heard of Professor
HlrGo MuENsrERBERG' condemnation Of
brightly lit streets or he wouldn't brag
over his deal with the electric COM
panies for "A 80 per cent. increase in
Illumination. According to the Harvard
expert the new brilliancy will mean
simply 100000 candies more hypnosis.
Supplying the man on his way home
and the taxi driver who. upon the
whole, would rather not run over him.
Between It's satisfaction at driving a
harder bargain with predatory corpora
lions and its eagerness to conform with
the latest dlcta of science the public
will be puzzled whether TO praise or
blame MIR. WILLIAMS for his adoption
OF the motto Light more light"