The Washington herald., 1914-12-13
IT'S TO LAUGH!
BY JOSEPH p. AMIN.

licNes ne mas iOst Two JoDS tnrOugh know
ing too much Privately for instance,
he has hunch that II he had spent less
time writing his share OF te currency bill.
and had learned a little less about the
tariff, and ad spent few more weeks
a year reconciling warning factions in his
indianapolis district. he might have been
re-elected last November.
Currency is Korbiy's bug-and has been
for years. About five years ago, Korbly.
having made a failure OF a combination
law and hotel business in Madison, Ind,
wandered up to Indianapolis looking for
any kind OF a job that would keep body
and soul together He went into a big
furniture establishment, looking for work,
and made a hit with the proprietor.
The boss wanted a ten-dollar-a-week
bookkeeper-cashier, and finally he told
Korbly to report the following morning
Sorbiy thanked him and started out.
when his new boss stopped him and asked
him TO sit down and chat a little. Some
how they switched to the subject Of cur
rency, a subject Korbly knew more
about than he did the hotel business.
After a lengthy discussion, Korbly rose
to 20, and was fiabergasted when his
new boss said, by way Of adieu:
You needn't bother to come around
for that job; I've changed my mind"
why" asked Korbly, with an empty
feeling amidships. What have | done?"
| Nothing in the world but 1 want a
man who will stay with the business.
You know too much. You wouldn't STAY
at any job ! could offer you. Goodby
and good luck, but iii have to look
further
Korbly went over to the Public Library
and ran into a commission writing cur
rency articles for the Indianapolis News.
Four months later he received the Demo-
cratic nomination for Congress, and was
elected, twice running.
Willis Brown, colored, appeared before
Judge MullOwney in police court the
other morning, charged with vagrancy.
| We'll, Brown" asked the Judge, What
have you been doing this time?'
| "Jes' circulatin. yerOnner," responded
Brown languidly. Mulowney leaned over
to the clerk:
Please make note that Willis Brown
has been retired from circulation for
ninety days. Next case"
| Fred c. Kelly, besides being a rat
tling good news getter. makes a lot OF
| money every year writing stun some
| what on the order of this. his stories
| being syndicated through the country.
Fred has a very wide acquaintance with
public men. particularly in Washing
I
strongly In his writings.
On a trip to his home in Ohio. re-
| Gently. Fred met an elderly spinster
| who was that impressed" with Mr..
/ kelly's life in the gay Capital OF the
nation. that Fred had a hard time
! breaking away.
Il suppose you see all the gay club
and cafe life at its best" she suggested
| hopefully.
| Fred admitted the charge
They have such brilliant. noted
clubs there. haven't they
Again Fred acquiesced.
81 suppose you belong to several OF
| them" continued his tormentor.
Well" said Fred. Il belong to two
| clubs"
What two do you belong to-"
I'm a member OF the National Press
| Club and the Paloma Club"
You don't say! I've heard a great
deal about the Press club. but what
kind is the PaIoma Club. il sounds ter
ribly attractive"
why that's the PaIoma Pants Press
ing Club. a suit a week for a dollar
a month" replied Kelly over his shoul
der as he dashed for the door.
It's Nick LonGworth's turn to laugh
now. He'll be back on the Congress
sonal pay roll from March next on.
.
Cincinnati picking up loose ends. when
Bowdle rode into the House over Nick
bald head on the Democratic tidal wave
he was rather inclined to talk about
himself. Just one bon mot has lived,
and will live after BOwdle is forgotten
as the man who boastcd of having i'm
proved on the work Of the Creator o;
men.
Yes" laughed Bowdle shortly after
the election and his victory over Long
worth. God scalped Nick LongwOrth.
but / skinned him
Nick's laughing now.
c. T. Brainard publisher of The Wash
Ington Herald. is as bad as Nicholas
Longworth Also. he is a marvel at
sleight-of-hand tricks. After a brief,
happy talk to his ''newsies'' at one of
the weekly meetings, Mr.. Brainard gath
cred the boys around him to open their
eyes with tricks. one Of his tricks III
volved the disappearance Of half-dOl-
lar piece, which, supposedly, he had
thrown to the ceiling.
The usual motions had been gone
through. every move being followed
by a hundred pairs OF sharp eyes. and
finally one arm went up toward the cell
ing Every eye turned heavcnward to :
watch the piece fly up. but there was
no piece. in the air, on the ceiling. or /
in Mr.. Brainard's hand either:
Where it is" asked Brainard, to en- ,
phasizc the mystification of his audi /
ence. as he mopped his bald pate with .
a handkerchief.
I'm yer hair" called back scornful !
young urChin who didn't want even the /
big boss" to kid him before others.
Lew Dockstader. when doing the two |
a-day in Washington, was sitting in the |
grill room of the Press Club with some |
congcnial spirits. when f. b. Johns, the |
huge correspondent or the Army and |
Navy Journal drifted in. Johns was wor- |
ried about his physical condition; hav-
ing been unwise enough to consult a !
specialist. He related in detail all his !
symptoms to DOckstader.
'Well" asked Lew. What in the |
world do you suppose is the matter?'
THE doctor says I've got auto-intoxi- !
cation" returned Johns in all serious
ness.
"Auto-what, On. well, why in the
deuce don't you stop drinking gasoline
and get back to the beer diet?" yelled |
Dockstader, like a 42-centimeter siege