South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1914-05-15
STATESMEN
REAL AND NEAR
BY FRED G. KELLY.

WASHINGTON. May 15.-If one
had been standing at a good vantage
point in one of the Washington parks
on a certain afternoon, one might
have witnessed the odd spectacle of
large. dignifed, cabinet officer paus-
ing to swap condolences with a group
of street urchins.
The boys and the cabinet officer
chatted back and forth as man TO
man, without the slightest element Of
patronizing from either side. and the
talk was all about experiences in
learning to smoke.
one lad in the group was endeavOr-
ing to light and smoke a small piece
of an old rattan buggy whip. This
little enterprise attracted the atten-
ton of Franklin X. Lane. secretary of
the Interior, who was passing.
That's exactly the way / learned
TO smoke" exclaimed Lane, in intro
ducing himself.
1T doesn't draw very good" OBJ
served the boy who was lighting up.
He's just learnin' to smoke" ex-
planned a slightly larger boy.
law, I've smoked before. I've
smoked corn silk" declared the first
boy
Corn silk" repeated Lane. with
enthusiasm. Id plumb forgot about
corn silk cigarets. | reckon | smoked
hundred or of them. And did
you ever try making cigaretS of dried
grape leaves?"
Only one of the boys had ever tried
that. and so he and Lane became par
ticularly intimate.
Say, mister. won't smokin' corn
silk give you the yeller janders?" ask
ed another boy. by way of obtaining
authority for a previous assertion.
We'll, | have understood so" earn
estly replied Lane, though in my
own case l recall that / smoked a
great many without any noticeable ill
effects"
Thus the talk ran on for some min
utes, and the perfect democracy of
the conversation was something
worth going to see. Only once did
the cabinet officer fOrsake hissatti-
tude of being one of the bunch As
he started away he remarked:
IN tell you boys, now that you've
had the fun of learning TO smoke, I
believe you'll be better off if you cut
it out"
A day or two after that some one
entered Lanes office and offered him
a Cigaret. Lane smokes a Cigaret
about once a year, but he took it.
lighted up. and reverted TO his rem
iniscences about learning to smoke
Then Secretary Wilson, of the de-
partment of labor. dropped in. and
Lane inquired as TO the way he had
learned to smoke Wilson. too. had
acquired his first smoking experience
with corn silk.
Well" said Lane with the air of
one who has finally disposed of a
grave question. II guess it is fairly
safe to say that fully twice as many
men learned on corn SILK as one
grape leaves and rattan combined"
When the late William van Ben
thCysen was managing editor of the
Chicago Tribune, two of his Younger
reporters were William f. Lewis.
now editor of the New York Tele-
graph. and r. 3. Clark. Washington
correspondent for the Chicago Eve
ming Post. These two reporters were
sent out together on a big story that
took them out of the city They COW
cred the story satisfactorily, but hav-
ing disposed of the task at hand. they
felt that they had earned a few DAYS
recreation and did not return to the
office until the end Of the week
When they paused then to reflect
over the situation they knew they
would be fired. for the managing edi-
tor was a strict disciplinarian.
Let's go in and be fred together"
suggested Lewis.
Clark thought that would he a
splendid idea. and SO they approach
ed the boss as a duet and stood be-
fore him expectantly.
The boss looked at them with no
other thought than 10 ire them. but
they We're saved by the merest bit of
luck. Just as ne had IL on his
tongues end TO discharge them. the
boss thought OF a good ioke-a Joke
based on his knowledge Of American
history-and it is not easy TO dis
charge men Immediately after they
have laughed heartily at ones joke.
The bon mot that saved the report
ers was simply this:
After many days we hail the safe
return OF the Lewis and Clark ex-
petition"
Henry J. Allen is running for gov
ernor OF Kansas on the progressive
ticket. In way he is a clandestine
candidate Henry owns one of the
papers i'm his home town Of Wichita
and the other paper belongs to the
family Of Victor Murdoch. As there
Is "A bit OF political as we'll as news
paper rivalry between Allen and Muir
dock, the Murdock paper saws little
about Henry's race for governor And
Henry declares that he viii not an
noy his own Subscribes with articles
about his candidacy
Thus YOU see" SAYS Henry. the
homefolks have had no chance to find
out that I'm running FOR anything
Copyright. 1914. 10y Fred G. Kelly
All rights reserved.)