The mirror. (Stillwater, Minn.) 1894-1925, 1914-02-19
A SPASM OF THOUGHT

Wonder if the bandit come down on
the 23rd.
No wooden leg potatoe Washers goes in
the Service Squad-savy?
Take mans sleeve holders off and you
rob him of his dignity.
Tact is that faculty of the human ami
NAL that differentiates him from the other
brutes.
The Russians pronounce ''ski'' ''shee''
not ''skee". "Sheeing" the new pris-
on potatoes is now popular
Oh, ragtime fact of slushy fame
And songs that scorch the throat,
My words are feeble, my words are tame
To show what gets my goat
It's red-hot muse you WOO, you guy,
A toitle dove of goil-
A loidy-love with goo-goo eye
And teeth, of course, like poll.
Oh, come with me to the SYLVAN dell.
Aw, what's the use? All right,
Ossifer, will go to sleep. No, I'm not
sick. What's that? Ought to be-!
The colored gentry hereabouts want the
game laws revised to include crap shoot
ing.
The will of the late Cardinal Rampoli is
missing and yet nobody has thought to
look in ]. P. Morgan's library.
Beware! Several well developed cases
of dipsomania has been caused by dancing
the dippy dish-rag.
Sporting News Item:-A Saltwater coal
dealer is in training for the lightweight
championship.
In the future ages we may hear the fol-
owing-who knows?
Bring down some radium, my dear,
the water pipes are frozeG"-Oh, Gosh!
The bandits of shop c may walk
Into shop F. and gawk,
Nor feel fearful pang:
For bloodhounds of the law have caught
And chained Mickie's gang.
If the board says eyes, this then, may
be my last. But it didn't say it.
A fellow who had sent ten cents for the
address of the best fortune teller in Min
neapolis, received the name of a promi-
nent and popular bank teller. Moral
(passed by the Saltwater board of moral
censors) Look not upon the yellow news
paper when it is read in the home. Read
the Pier Glass.
NOTHING to Ten
"Man wants but little here below
''Alas! Oh, my! how true!"
Before shaved that check you know,
only wanted simoleons, few.
"But when some Dick tipped my
hand,''
As many Dickies do,
told the Judge wanted nothing, and
| guess got it, tool
Market Quotations Received in the Stewards
Department
Market reports continue favorable.
Consolidated Baking Powder continues
to rise, while white bond paper remains
stationary, and amalgamated arsenic is a
drug on the market. Corrosive coffee is
still weak, and sanitarium safety razors
dull and lifeless. A carload of Minnesota
razorbacks received at the farm has caused
shortage in feed, and the farmers fear a
corner on corn. The partial failure of the
cabbage crop caused sharp advance in
the price of Hugo's pure Havana leaf.
Pifflitated Proverbs.
''Nature abhors vacuum cleaner. >
So sayeth orc.
when the devil was sick they gave
him castor oil''-so sayeth DR.. NeumaD.
''Two is company, three corpora
tion'-so sayeth the deputy s Office force. -
paddy, Duke and the Runner.
ga nose by any other name could smell
burning cabbage'-So pipes me.
Gan unclean window is full of panes''
so sayeth Mr.. Morrison.
g It's better to laugh than be laughed
at''-So sayeth the head waiter.
A committee requested mayor of a
near by city ''either to dephologisticate
the municipal terpsichorean festivities or
allow them to relapse into innocuous desue-
tude." In low-brow dialect; this means,
either ''cut-out'' the high-balls or the mu-
nicipal balls-Does it? Gosh!