The Washington herald., 1914-05-03
BROTHER GARDNER
SAYS He Has Lived Long and Gained Wisdom

Wherein de mewi is way ahead Of man
kind is de fact dat he allus knows just
what folks think Of him. Nobody eber
plays hypocrite wild de mewl.
Dar' am some men In dis world so in
consistent dat dey will chop OF de tall
Of a dawg an den boot him bekase he
can't express his feelins by wasgin' dat
lost tail.
II we could only lib our lives over agin
we should Ill know Jest what to do, but
de chances am dat We would come out
a heap wuss dan as IL In. Natur' didn't
mean dat any man should git frew life
widout runnin' up agin carbuncle now
an den
I has had a box at de pos Office an
gone widout bacon to eat. an has had
bacon an gone widout box at de pos
office. When / cum to fgger IL out i
found most enjoyment in de bacon
Some folks am allus groain' ober de
wickedness of de world an declarin' dat
de Judgement Day can't be fur OF. an
Wit wheneber / hey bought 'taters of
sich a pusson I hev got short measure
or poor stock.
kin put my hand on a hundred differ
ent men who am so full OF honesty ana
integrity dat dey would feel insulted II
YOU axed 'em to put transackshun down
in black and white. It's good to know dat
we am surrounded by sich men, but 1
alIus take de odder sort an a thirty
day note wild a good indorser.
People who lament de scarcity OBJ truth
simply don't look fur IL in de right direck-
shun. When yo' drop in on a merchant
at home he'll come mighty nigh speakin'
de truth in all things, but when yo' find
him in his place of bizness he am gwine
to sell yo' half-cotton fur all-wool an
nebber feel a twinge ober II.
As a citizen an taxpayer an an honest
man ! lament de corrupshun in polyticks
an am an advocate fur reform At de
same time. however, l hev a snealin'
suspishun way down in my butes dat II
was 'lected to office 1 should keep a
clus eye on de spoils dereof an try to
roll up a bank account befo' my term ex-
pired
Philosophy am a good thing, but dar'
am sartin kinds dat won't bear investiga-
shun. When yo' h'ar a man declas' dat
marriage am a failure yo' Jest look into
de case a leetle an yo' will probably dis
kiver dat his wife has refused to take in
washin' TO support de family.
Wawdown Bebee, of de Lime Kiln Club,
was cOmplainin' to me de odder day dat
nl-luck had pursued him all his life I
sot out to investigate. an II wasn't an
hour befo' I struck de keynote While
he was sittin' down on a hoss-block an
wonderin' how soon he would find a
pocketbook in de road. long cum a ped
dler's wagon an run ober his feet De
man who climbs on a rail fence to sit
In de sun an wonder why he can't hev
meat fur dinner will ginerally find a
sliber waitin' fur him.
Most things in dis world will come out
eben II yo' leave EN- alone One time /
traded hosses wild a man an forgot to
menshun dat my old animal vas blind
in one eve. l kept feelin' dat I c-ght
TO hev told him about II, an one mawn-
In after a sleepless night I got ready
to set out. I stopped at de barn as
went an den I diskibered dat de hoss
had got OF him in exchange was dead
OF the glanders.
believe in dreams an signs an tokens
ed when know dat de landlord am COM
in around next day arter de rent. an
when de ole woman informs me dat de
-four bar'l am empty. an de coal won't
last but a day longer. den cease to
dream an begin to hustle.
I started out in life wild de idea dat
big words was de equal OF knowledge. |
but didn't keep Il UP long. wanted to
show my gratitude TO a white man who |
had done me a favor, an I observed to
him dat de consanguinity Of de articula- |
shun would bombacticus de previosity at
de earliest dIsconvenience. De man
thought / was callin' him a liar an a |
swindler. an arter bein' knocked into de
middle of next week went out O. de big !
word biziness