The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1914-06-21

ultnOuSn IL 10 fnDTC lIdTNilhtly Nt
tracted them in his infancy He had
everything else.
PROFITS father was tinker by trade.
and got six months for II. II It had not
been Time Lock he would have got
six years. But he couldn't get the
thing open. PROFITS mother was Hol-
lander. But it wasn't her fault. They
didn't tell her a thing about 1t before
hand.
Besides father and mother. Prof
had a twin brother. They were exactly
the same age, but there's no use try
ing to be funny about 1t. You couldn't
tell them apart unless you saw them
together. Then you could SEQ there
were two of them. If you didn't believe
1t, you could count them. You could
begin with Prof and end UP with his
brother, or begin with his brother and
end up with Prof. The result was
always the same-positively no trick
mirrors or deception of any kind.
But 1t took lot OF figuring to tell
what age they were. 1t took lot OF
figuring even to tell what they were.
You always expected them to Dark ~
something. Their mother used to have
to step up and explain.
Proff's mother did all the work. His
father never had time. Anything in
the shape of work he lodged. No mat
ter IL 1t came up from behind. he could
dodge it. He could dodge a bullet from
behind II It was labelled work
Proff's mother always worried about
Prof as a boy on account Of the shape
Of his head. She feared he was going
to end UP at the States expense. His
father didn't worry. He was sure Of it.
Besides, Proffs father never did any
thing that his wife could do.
Another thing that worried PROFITS
mother was what Trade or Profession
10 have Prof learn. His father wanted
him to study intensive Pckpocketing
but his mother thought there were
greater opportunities in the Legal Pro-
fession. But Prof himself didn't seem
to care to do anything. He was more
like his father than his father was.
Having to go to work was Proff's first
real blow. Prof had no practical knowl-
sG=e of work. What he knew about the
subject was gained from little book he
had read called THE Dignity of Labor
Proff's mother had given the book to his
father for a Christmas present. Blu,
when the old man piped the title, he
put the book on the mantel and turned
However. when 1t came to having
confidence in himself Prof o. U. b.
Jack BUS. Doc) of Hicksville had
Thomas w. Lawson Gin. Doc.) OF Bos.
ton looking like difiident child smoker
ing behind a chair. Prof believed there
was nothing he could not do II he
wanted to. But the only thing he wanted
to do was nothing, and the job was
already oyercrowded
Prof first tried TO get job as Presi-
dent of a Railroad. but there was nc
vacancy. Prof said he could run q
railroad that would kill just as many
people as any other Road and show a
nice net profit over funeral expenses
provided he kept the cost OF mainte-
nance down low enough.
Next Prof hung out DOCTORS sign
and started to practise Medicine. lie
didn't know that you had to have q
license from the State to practise Mcdi.
cine. He said you didn't have to have q
license from the State to practise sing.
Ing. and that was worse. lie admitted
tha, ne knew nothing about Medicine
but said that was no sign he was not
doctor.
So Proff went ahead and fitted up
nice little office and got lot of do;
cared magazines four years old an,
spread them around tho table in tn
waiting room 80 the place would lool
like a proper doctors office. He ais,
hung up a couple of pictures. one wa
of Jack johnson and the other DR.
Parkhurst
Prof was finally arrested for prac
Using without dog license, and wa
fned $3.50 or seventy years In tn
penitentiary. Proff started in to serv
the sentence but a rich philanthropls
came along and said he would pay tn
twelve-fifty If Prof would work for hin
seventy years for nothing Prot
thought his generous benefactor wa
Ar. Carnegie. but he wasn't. He wa
aaOther Scotchman altogether.
finally Prof landed what he wa
looking for. He got job running Al
elevator in a one story building. Al
he had to do was to sit inside the ele
vator on a little stool and figure ou
batting averages. All the elevator ha
to do was to hold Proff on its lap. The
both had 1t soft.
But when pay day came the Manage
said he hadn't seen Prof carry ND
single passenger that week and gucsse
no could dispense with Proffs service
0uO l't IIlt tNNdtOr DTOWSe dTOunu "
itself Prof said no was willing enoug
to run tho elevator, but there was II
place for 1t to run.
The Manager was surprised and mad
an investigation. and went out an
looked at the building from the out
side. and then came back and cusse
out the Elevator Salesman who told hir
that an elevator was just tho thing i
needed.
Prof got to thinking about that Wi
little Elevator Salesman, and he decide
then and there that Salesmanshlp WI
his game. If, thought Proffsky, II
possible to show a man where he neet
something he doesn't, what cold o.
thodox cinch It must he to show hi
where he needs something he doe
Prof didn't know Craftsmanship.
didn't know that the last is oft,
harder than friend first.
so determined was Prof to become
Salesman that he spurned a perfect
good offer to hold the bass drum in
Salvation Army band and listen to the
tell that trusty old fable every nigl
about Bob Ingersolls death bed r
pentance.
It was on fair Chicago spring NOR
l. Ii, -.