The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-03-27
ENGLISH AS WRITTEN BY BAbU CLASS OF
 INDIA IS WONDERFUL
Some of the Photographic Reports Made by Rail- way Servants Are
 LudricOus


 l servant brides itself on its great hold on the idioms of the English language end hence the following examples of theil
 efforts in this dereetion. says the London Globe It is a standing rule on railways in India that all very unusual happen. inss are telegraphed to headquarters Ire interpretation of the term unusual anc the discretion as to the importance of tn, event that takes place is so vague that generally everything is wired. Stimulated
 by his nights rest, one man spread him self thus in a telegram 10 his divisiona 1 superintendent:
 Coming on duty early in the morning clao in my new and white uniform, | perceived a man seated on d box in 2 naked and aggressive manner. Taking him to be an ordinary passenger, I pro ceeded to slap him, whereupon he hastily | arose, unlocked the said box, clad him
 self in a policeman's uniform thereout
 and arrested me. The shoe is thus sit
 ted on the erroneous pedicle. Please arrange"
 1 Another man who was wise in his gener alton telegraphed to his superintendent l including the police officer and all con
 eerned, thus:
 "A blackguard indigenous mendicant ar
 rived at my station by down mail. Tax. I ing pity on his commis srated condition. ! permitted him to reside m the shade of tn, rcain signal post In gratitude for my
 beneficent conduct he absconded durine
 the nocturnal period with 5O0Rs. of my private cash, including one copy of the
 working time table,
 1 When asked why he added the one anna | publication, the time table, In hls list D. losses, he replied with knowing wriggle 'Ha ha. the matter is explainable In nutshell. Unless I had included a littl,
 of the companys property the polio, would have taken no notice. This justi 1 fies the addition of the lactaceous particl,
 in the shelf of the cocoanut!" Another
 overcome with grief on the death of hi. aged mother, telegraphed sadly: q al. profoundly moved to announce to youi
 honor that the aged hand that so far has
 rocked my cradle has now kicked the bucket, Woeful lamentation participate. my breast, unable to work. Please ar
 range" A traveller alghting at one oi |
 shooting ground was, and was aston | ished to get the reply: sir, 10 miles a. | the cock crows.
 1 It is customary in India for govern. ment to allow in most offices a small sun | to. feed cats kept by the watchmen t, destroy rats. This practice was responsi 1 ble for a telegram from one of the sta tions to this effect
 Sad to relate, the senior cat has beer
 absent two nights without leave on salta | tory gambols. Have promoted junior ca 1 to perform duties of senior cat. To, whl l a catastrophe is here!'
 1 The worst was he knew not he hat | punned. -
 l When asked for his opinion on tho
 difference between a railway train. ship, and aeropane, the reply was i "The difference is very intensified, fol when the vehicles that compose trair
 are by a concatenation of circumstance
 beyond the control of human aid pre- cipitated into the common ditch-therc you are' When the ship saltating or
 the ambient waves is, owing 70 the raging of the atmosphercal surround lngs, lost in a hole in the ocean-where you are? But when the flying machine | oscillating on the circumamb bent at mosphere is, owing to various causes precipitated on to terra cotta--no where you arei"
 l ! nation What is a horse?" the reply was: The horse is noble animal with ! four legs situated on the four corners and tail, but when irritated he re- | fuses to do so." In haste to report the | cause of a big head and head collision on an Indian railway one stationmas- 1 ter telegraphed ITO all concerned | Accident class D. No. 1 up mail left my I station at 10:30 al full speed with line 1 clear message to time No down mai has left the station beyond purporting under similar conditions falsely 1 'Eeternity is likely to supervene to the passengers of both trains. Please ar. l range. As the result of violent storm | two wagons were blown along the ma | line, and the station masters concerne, l telegraphed to their superintendent. .Twt I loaded wagons hewed away from my sta | tion to Mahabad Station, line is now blocked. The other man replied after l a short time to the superintendent an, | the first man: "Your accident telegra m | Two fiewed away wagons arrived al my l station by violent tempest line is now clear
 1 One poor fellow wanting employment | badly was gulled by others into coming into my office with the remark, Sir desire emoplyment in your line, as for my qualifications l am a hell of fellow ' The astonishing, mixture in the native brain of Shakespeare. scripture,' etc. was shown in letter from one man who deprecated the distrust of his superin- tendent in the following words, sir be- lieve them not, I am to you sir. like St Peter was to our Lord, true he denied him thrice. but 10. them what a man he be- came.''