The Washington herald., 1914-11-01

Some people yhas born dot way unc
can't help It. Last week my pruddsr,in.
law goes oudt IN der woods TO kill 9
rabbit. He doan't ind no rabbits, oul
he kills q fox und den comes home
und kicks about his hard luck
In my time I haf caught some nsh dot
weighed twenty pounds apiece. but dot
ing after dose FISH which weighed twen-
ty-two pounds apiece and got ayhay
from me.
I haf had men pick my pockets. I hat
can't quite figure out WY der piekpOckst
should be sent to JAN und der other
party go free. 1t vhas all der same to
mel got nothing back.
street car der odder Gaining. gif oop
my seat to a fat man
How vhas dotT' said one OF my
friends. 'Haf you got some pity for dot
mot bit." says L "I simply gif oop
my seat to revenge on my fellow-men-
Doan' you see dot he takes oop twice
my room und squeezes twice as many
II 1 see a sign Of Fresh Paint" /
don't know II he vhas q liar until / rub
To be easx sars sboSt fs thnTs s0 though ID some
times comes hard on der coat.
Der man who calls me oop at mid
Vhas open thinks to do me a favor. but
II he vhas a philosopher he would see
dot IL der door vhas open some thief
must half taken der fowls. und Of what
ter for all Of US dot we stop a Ieetle
You vhin always find men who vhas In
troubles because of not knowing a good
thing When II vhas put at dem / once
offered thief s. in cash to keep avhay
from my chickens, but one night he goes
to steal an old rooster worth feefty cents
und vhas lamed for life init a charge
Of buckshot.
Nopody can depend upon der pooblic.
When / vhas an honest aldermans,
eaferybody believes yhas dishonest und
make ten tousand dollars out OF some
shobs. When goes to der legislature
und makes $4,000 In one day, der people
hurrahed for me Iund called me Dot
Honest Dootchmans-"
heel. und he charges me a quarter,
goes by q saloon for a drink. and vhas
lifted out Of der place for notttngs. You
can alvhays find some cheapness IL you
look for him.
Der world yhas growing better all der
time, but you vhin see ten men at a
dog fight where you vhill find one at a
Sunday school excursion We haven't
alvhays time to go on an excursions,
but we have to step around der corner.
Ny naybur on der right has seven kids.
und der one on der left has eight. When
dey get to fighting and rolling on der
grass I feel dat ought to have one Of
my own to even up der number und
make a fair thing Of It Dis world is not
divided exactly on der square.
dat innocence would ALWAYS protect it
self, an half an hour later a fakir sells
me a gold mine for 20 cents dot yhasn't
worth but ten. Being innocent and being
half-fool vhas about der same thing.
used to belief dot der man who vhas
willing to do der square thing yhas a
man to be praised. One night man
holds me oop on der street und WANTS
willing TO gif him my note Of hand for
ninety days, but he gets mad and breaks
my head open. When ! tells Rodecker
about IL he says:
You vhas one big fool! He yhas a
little man. und Why don't you hold him
oopT
Things do even oop all righ once In
awhile. Ny good frendt Bloomoerg buys
oop all der eggs for feefty miles around.
dozen. IN about a week he comes down
nit der smallpox. AS he has all der
eggs. so he vhas der only one to catch
and haf der disease. What he makes on
eggs he loses on doctors
When I vhas elected some aldermans,
a frendt comes to me und says:
How vhas 1t to be init you old mansr'
II shall be honest, I says.