New Ulm review. (New Ulm, Brown County, Minn.) 1892-1961, 1914-02-11


The ground hog will not change hiz
flannels for 6 weeks. You may du
az you see fit but he knos what IL
best. Ov awl ov the later day pro-
fits he IL the most reliabul and no
skemers from K Geo. III tew Rich
, ard Ballinge kan dislodge him from
the hearts and hedges ov the Ameri-
can Peepel. Prof. Tice denounced by
A. OF ov G. Hogs az false profit
and prevarikature. Crate mine
discovery! A 4-gallon nugget, intact,
stamped "Madlener's Best, 1860" in
an isolated kavern at Hunters Rest.
Awl old 49ers are welcome tew loot
at it, Harvest moon for saw logs
and Use. Look in your lumber next
August for knots and in your ise-box
for polly-wogs in a plundge-bath.
Wind nor'bynor'west.
Tues. Sd. Warmer and blusterus.
Morewind. Resolution passed by the
City Council not to jerrymander more
than yellow dogs tew Jerry nor
eny uther able bodied bur-gher with
out payin tackses. Crate rivalry az
! tew who shall be headsman & tales
man. By strict party vote the
::"1's" hav it.
Insurreckshun in the P. O: A first
class white hope" attempts tew lick
Andy johnson on postage stamp
and IL fired on by Mr.. Carter blue
bottle, strikin' in the P. Ms bay
Wlnder. Police arriv in time to see
the tracks but the offender has es-
kapt. If a kase of tifuss' IL found
in the epiglottis ov the sistim tew
! the water-tank that IL no excuse to
tank up your sistim on poor spirits.
You never miss the water till the
well runs dry" Bile water for thurst.
Kabaj for hunger.
Wed. 4t. Jest sno enuf tew make
the sno-birds twitter. The Merry
Wives ov Windsor join the Salvation
Army. Mr.. Windsor stays tew home
to take domestic science. Full at
tendance tew Goldfish balls and tango
in Boston. Jeff Davis cuts dash
as haberdasher and il put on
bred & water rashon for falls pre-
tense. Is bailed out by Horace
Greedy and told young man, 20
west" kindness IL an instinct;
politeness only an art" Boston Bak-
ed Beans first ct with puter spoon
on Boston Commons. Ben Butler ct
gumbo-sop at N. Orleans with silver
spoons and flshed them. (Hence the
nickname, "Spoons-B Butterfly
Sir lsik Newton (then shepherd
boy) disc. in the Ben Davis Apl-
orcherd viii It'll apis are alwus at
trakted tew the middl ov the bari.
Winds, sutherly by sou-west.
Thurs. st. Est wind MKT with sno
and sunshine. Az broad az it wuz
long. Edison's greatest invention
comes out, tuda. Anvil rubber necks
on hiz telefones are vulkanized in
tew rubber-ear trumpets male a
phemale). Blockaid il Immediately
RACED on the rooral lines. Molasses
jest az slow az she wuz in Jan. By
the nu tariff, sugar IL no longer a
burden to be had Uther sweets are
about az she wuz. Tew the meny
yung men angkshus tew BEGUN the
he'd Of family bi akkwirin life
long pardner to so on buttons and
"oft in the Silly night" to LUX over
the silver lininin thare overhauls, do
not overluk the Overhaul Faktry
Fri. st. An unluky da tew start
a jerney. A near-fatl tobaggan jer-
ney down Kollege Hill. Kaused by
deranged condishun ov the steerin'
kon,ite: The Jenny continnered pref
ty we'll in the middle ov the road
until near the fut ov the hill when
suddenly the tobagganists went to
rong angles & the tobaggon to rite
angles. The party ov the first part |
begging in the well-knowne bog near
the City Canal, the party of the Sec
ond part caroming on several but
ternut trees & the corner of the
Butter faktry. Two serjons arrivin
at the same time found the tobag-
ganists sufferin with black & blu
eyes and the tobaggin in a state of
toll collapse. The pulmoter wuz ov !
no avail and the old bob Stays tung
will wag no more.
Sat. It. Sno from abov & belo.
Very cold. Mr.. Fahrenheit haz gone
tew warmer climit. Perhaps he is
faren worse that we are yit. He
left considerabl weather BEND and
some ready made weather reporters. !
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