The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1914-09-02
By ROY K NoULTON.

offlie Moment
II BY ROY 4. 1louI!TON.
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Sour Grapes.
Gee, but it's great to be poor,
It's great to be humble { nd meek
It's great to be struggling along
And to be financially weak.
It's great to be scrimping each day.
It's great to be frugal and save
In order that one may exist,
En- though with one foot in the
grave.
It's great to be plodding along.
A patient old human machine.
And see your rich ne1ghbor Wink by
Within a high-toned limousine.
It's great to have Goldfish and hash.
While others have chicken and quail;
It's great. while the rich dine in state,
To eat from = tin dinner pail.
There's no use III kicking at that,
For things win go on just the same.
For some will continue to win
And others to lose in the game.
Contentment can never be bought,
And wealth Is most often q curse,
For happiness lies in the heart
And is never found in the purse.
Uncle Abner.
Hank Tumms says he expects to
stay in this village all his life, as he
has worked up better borrowing
acquaintance here than he can ever
hope to have anywhere else.
What has become of the old-fash-
toned shirt that a Teller used to pull
on over his head?
Elihu Bibbins has forsaken the bar
Der shop and started to let his whis-
kers grow. It must be autumn is at
hand.
A telegram came to our village the
other day, but Rem Binks, our station
agent and telegraph operator. has got
SO much gotism that he won't tell
anybody who it was for or what was
in 1t. Even Ren's best gal hasn'-. been
able to get the information and may
send back his ring.
Luke Timmins, who is out west, is
not expected to live. The jury re-
turned a verdict of guilty"
Among the things we have never
seen is q One-hOrse hearse.
Contented.
Let the dogs Of war all growl,
Let them grumble. let them howl,
Let ambitious monarchs scow1,
Let them rave and tear their hair,
Here and there and everywhere.
For all we care.
We've peace to spare,
In this fair land we would abide.
We do not care to have our hide
Shot full of holes, just like q sieve;
We'd rather live.
A coward? Yes. perhaps that's 30.
But still. we'd rather live, you know,
And stay right here and toll and slave
Than go and fill hero's grave.
We're pretty well content now, thanks.
We do not care to Join the ranks
And dodge the flying shot and shell
You know what old man Sherman
said.
We'd rather be a boob-well fed.
Than a hero who il dead.
The Street Car Conductor Says:
can always tell when they are
married. and I don't believe they ever
fooled me yet. when they are not
married he takes her gently by the
arm and hoists her onto the platform
as though she were a million dollars
worth of delicate china. Then he
his coattail. When they are married
she is lucky If she gets on at all.
believe half OF the people in this
world are savin up plugged nickels to
hand to the street car conductor and
the other half are saving plugged
dimes.
People have an idea that the street
car conductor is cross between an
encyclopedias, q Webster's unabridged
dictionary and q city directory. A
woman asked me the other day to let
her of in front Of some place where
she could sell secondhand parrot,
and got sore becaue- I couldn't do it.
Wouldn't that freeze you.
Our Hall of Fame.
The man who invented the sick
friend excuse.
The man who perfected the prickly
music box
The woman who made the first
huckleberry pie.
The person who invented compound
interest.
The deaf and dumb traffic officer.
The party who invented the one
armed restaurant.
Signs Of the Times.
BOrah would like to be president. but
the stumbling block on his way to the
White House is the fact that several
other gentlemen are entertaining the
same ambition.
Congress has voted to reinstate q
West Point cadet who was fired for
drinking two glasses of beer. 1t is
well to conserve all fighting material
in war time.
The next tour of Sarah Bernhardt
will surely be her last, according to
the divine one herself. But the trou-
BILE is. Sarah always demands extra
innings.
One thing to be thankful for is that