The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1914-11-11
THE PHILOSOPHY PLANT.
Formal Announcement or the Coloncls
Latest Enterprise.

| foFUeI announcement VI 'uS SVtVHVt
| Latest Enterprise.
The Colonel desires TO occupy the position
| OF q philosopher a friend Of the Colonel.
Having, on the first Tuesday after the
first Monday in November, 1912, reached
| an irrevocable decision not to run again
| for President before 1915; and having,
on the evening Of November 3. 1914,
received information to the effect that
waivers had been signed on him by ell
| the big league parties, the Colonel takes
pleasure in announcing that he has estab-
lished r new and thoroughly equipped
| Philosophy Plant, at which Wisdom
| on All Subjects will he dispensed to
Democrats Progressives, Republicans,
Prohibitionists. popuists. Socialists, So
| cial Laborists, Independence Leaguers
Americanists, Independents and Mug
wumps, If any thereof survives, and all
| others. at reasonable rates.
BY utilizing the numerous modern in
ventions which were not available to the
ancient philosophers and by employing
an adequate STAFF of accomplished jour
neymen philosophers, each of whom has
successfully undergone a searching civil
service examination, the Coloners Phi
losophy Plant will BE- able to fill all or
ders promptly. Customers submitting
problems for solution may have their
answers delivered, as their needs sug-
gcst. by full rate expedited telegraph,
telegraph day letter, telegraph night let
ter. night telegraph; by registered mail,
picture postcard, parcel post; by tele-
phone. Grafton nhnnpUranh rd
by wireless, aeroplane. submarine; by
motorcycle bicycle, autotruck (gaso. enc
or electric driven); by dactylology or in
braile.
Special foreign service by cable letter
and week end letter will he established
Tor customers dom ciled outside the con-
tinent OF North America,
The Philosophy Plant Is prepared TO
urnish wisdom in original packages her
metlcally sealed and guaranteed by the
signature OF the Colonel, wrapped to
Withstand the cold OF the extreme north
or the heat of the tropics. Customers
contemplating extended visits to the
torrid zone are advised to take with
them supply Of the Duvida brand:
those departing for the Arctic please
specify the Old Doc Cook brand.
These brands are guaranteed to re-
tain their original flavor under all ell
matte conditions. OF the Old Doc Cook
brand the savants OF Denmark write
this unsolicited testimonials:
1t surprised us.
The Royal Geographical Society. Of
hcially reporting on it's investigation OF
the Duvida brand says
Our records contain no mention OF any
thing like it.
1t is impossible to give in this place a
complete list of the faculty of the Phi
Iosophy Plant. but the subjoined names
selected at random from the catalogue
(Which will be sent free of charge to all
inquirers sending $3.50 to pay cost of
wrapping, postage, &C.,, will convey a
silght idea of its superior facilities for
handling large and small contracts:
PHILOSOPHER in charge.
THE CoLoNkL.
ATT ArmomeM augmentation itrns AtoYs
L. ROOSEVELT, A. T. tHarvard).
LITERATURE Lampv Jd,c. Liars, Landscap,s
THEODORE ROOSEVELT. LII. ID. (ColumbIa)
Politics. Po'y0dmv. Poland. Pneumatic Tires
Press Notices,
Dr. l. ROOSEVELT. LII. d. tHope).
"d'e'""v' hefaphvs'cs. hoHvcoddies. Nine
monies. Moose Mint yuieBs
TEDDY, LII ID. CYale).
War.
Colonel THEODORE ROOSEVELT. u s. v
Peace
Ex-President ROOSEVELT Nobel Peace
Prize, 1900.
NeUfrdiIv
THEODORE tSulzer-D Davenport, 1910.
The Philosophy Plant recognizes that
TINS list gives regrettably Inadequate
conspectus Of its resources and person.
mel. 1t does indicate, however. the high
standard of its executive, teaching and
mechanical forces. |: is published for
the sole purpose of inducing possible
patrons To subject the Philosophy PLANT
to the strictest scrutiny. which must re-
suit in attaching them to its unique
establishment.
Remember. the Colonel has been adj
Vlslng everybody on earth for many
years. Adopt for your own the Philoso-
ply Plants motto:
LIT THE COLONEL SOLVE YouR pRosIrus,
n. Repayment for all goods must he
made in advance, Draw all checks 10
the Colonel
Beware Of limitations.