davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Elk Mountain pilot., 1914-07-16
HOW HE TURNED THE TRICK
After This, Mr.. Mordlcal Hammsrfest
Must Be Credited With Knowing
4 Thing or Two.

Mrs. Mordecai Hammerfest turned
pale as her husband entered the din
ing-room for breakfast.
"Mordy!" she gasped. do you
don't you feel well?"
Perfectly" he replied In seeming
surprise.
''But-but. are you in your-your
underduds!"
Tell me something l don't know.
Pass the butter. please" said Mr.
Hammerfest.
She passed the butter. remarking
nervously: "But, Mordy. dear. as you
came in 1 saw you didn't have any
shoes on"
well. what of 1t. Your hair is in
curl papers. isn't it,"
''Why-y-yes."
And you have on = wrapper.
haven't you?"
Yes"
Very we'll. then"
And he went on eating his break
fast in silence except when he asked
her to pass the butter Then he went
upstairs and finished dressing. and the
next morning and on succeeding morn
ings she reported for breakfast In reg
ular clothes.
The Elk Mountain pilot., 1914-07-16
Not 80 MUCH 10 eI.me.

II didn't know you were SO accom-
plished linguist," he remarked as he
glanced at the paper she was reading.
II don't make any pretentions in
that direction" she answered
But that Is a Russian newspaper
you have picked up"
why, 30 X is," she answered in sur
prise. Il thought It was q dialect
story"
The Elk Mountain pilot., 1914-07-16
An Apposlts Choice.

Bishop Evans Tyree at a dinner in
Nashville was asked II he had any
idea of preaching on the new fashions
the backless evening gown, slashed
skirt and so forth.
NO." said the bishop; such an idea
has not occurred to me. II. however.
should preach on the new fashions ]
would assuredly choose my text from
Revelation"
The Elk Mountain pilot., 1914-07-16
ooInq Him One Better.

An English bishop, offering an or
ange to little child, remarked. sweet
ly:
Now. my little man. shall give
you this orange II you tell me where
God H."
my lord" answered the child. son
of clergyman. I'll give you two
oranges II you'll tell me where he
IL not"
The Elk Mountain pilot., 1914-07-16
InoenIou. smvoolino Device.

Ingenious Smuggling Device.
A museum of criminology has been
founded in Paris by M. Charles Perch
ard, formerly chief of the police An
archist brigade. Among its curious
contents are hollow wax baby which
was used to smuggle brandy into
Paris. A woman carried a baby into
the city every day, but as 1t never
grew any bigger the authorities ex-
amined 1t and discovered the fraud.
The Elk Mountain pilot., 1914-07-16
Bless the Ladies'.

Our congressional committee heard
80 ladies' in two hours. That many
men could have kept US listening for
several days"
THAT shows that women can trans
act public business. But how did
they manage to crowd 80 speeches
into two hours?"
"oh, they spoke three and four at
a time."-Kansas City Journal.
The Elk Mountain pilot., 1914-07-16
No. Kick comrna From Mule.

No. Kick Coming From Mule.
'Ts that your mule?" asked the man
going fishing.
"Yassir." said the colored man. who
was sitting ON log by the road.
Does he kick?"
"'Deed. mistuh, he amt got no cause
to kick. He's gittin' his own way
right along. I'm de one dat's havin'
de worry an difficulty"
The Elk Mountain pilot., 1914-07-16
Oh, That WayI

Its such a silly superstition to be
always picking up pins!"
You may call 1t a superstition If
you wish, but l know a chap who
makes about $6 week by doing it."
How can fellow gather that
many?"
He works in bowling alley
Judge.
The Elk Mountain pilot., 1914-07-16

Only = fool man would think Of
judging . woman's cooking by the
Apologies abe makes for It
The Elk Mountain pilot., 1914-07-16
Our Statesmen.

Ambrose Bierce, the brilliant satir-
ist, gave, at a dinner in Washington, a
few political definitions.
"a conservative" said Mr.. Bierce.
"is statesman who is enamored of
existing evils. while a radical would
veplace them with otherS."
The Elk Mountain pilot., 1914-07-16
COULD NOT
STAND ON FEET
Mrs. Baker So Weak-C -Could
Not Do Her Wosk-Found
Relief In Novel Way.
Adrian, Mich. -" 1 suffered terribly
with female weakness and backache and

got 20 weak that ]
could hardly do my
work. VIII en- !
washed my dishes I
had to sit down and
when / would sweep
the floor / would get
% weak that I would
have to get . drink
svery few minutes.
and before / did my
dusdng Iwoud have
To lie down. / got
The Elk Mountain pilot., 1914-07-16

However, a girl never breaks into
the spinster class until she gets angry
when called one.
The Elk Mountain pilot., 1914-07-16
Save the Babies.

MORTALITY fghtfu hardly realize that
children Countries
ffteeni
hesitate that timely Of cs.toria would
Of these infsnle deaths ooned the narcotic
opium considerable
congestons Sickness
of
the blood to circulate properlys opens the
Of tho skin and alays fever. ~
Genuine the signature %<<1<
The Elk Mountain pilot., 1914-07-16

Smile on wash day. That's when you us<
Red Cross Bag Blue. Clothes winter than
snow. All grocers. Adv.
The Elk Mountain pilot., 1914-07-16

Somehow the man who attends
strictly to his own business never 40
Qutres-a reputation as an entertaining
conversationalist.
The Elk Mountain pilot., 1914-07-16
His Wish.

She during the quarreD-I only
married you to spite Fred Johnson.
He (ruefully)-I wish to heaven
you'd married Fred johnson to spite
me.
The Elk Mountain pilot., 1914-07-16

Try Murine bye Rsmedy. fol. Red. Weak. W.tery
Just Rye Comfort Write for BOOK Of tho 1ye
By mail Free. Murine Eye Remedy Co., Chicago.
The Elk Mountain pilot., 1914-07-16

LADIES CAN WEAR SHOES
One size smaller after using Aliens Foot Hase, the
Antiseptc powder to be shaken into tho shoes. It
makes tight new shoes feel easy. Just tho thing
for dancing. Rsrnss substftutes For EREB trial
PACKAGE address Allen 8. Olmsted, LeRoy, N. z.
The Elk Mountain pilot., 1914-07-16

Both Imposed Upon.
Deserted Wife Ceiling grocer her
troubles) And trusted him SO.
Grocer-Confound 1t! So did l.
The Elk Mountain pilot., 1914-07-16
A Woman..s Opinion.

Mistress Haven't you any refer
ences?
Maid-I have, but they're like my
photographs-none Of them do me
Justice.
The Elk Mountain pilot., 1914-07-16
Rotation Of Tools.

"Your garden will be late"
I'm afraid SO; but you see the
Bradleys are still using Folsom's
spade and hoe."-Boston Transcript.
The Elk Mountain pilot., 1914-07-16

A woman loves a man in proportion
to his ability to make her angry.
The Elk Mountain pilot., 1914-07-16
That. Settled.

Bobbie (who has been sent over for
the NTH time to find out how Mrs.
Brown is)-An right, ma; she's dead.
The Elk Mountain pilot., 1914-07-16

Red Cross Bag Blue. much better. goes
farther than liquid blue. Get from any
grocer. Adv.
The Elk Mountain pilot., 1914-07-16
EARN AN EASY DOLLAR 7.s. e.. osia9:ss IS n:ss

A street car runs twice as fast when
you are trying to catch 1t as 1t does
after you have caught 1t.
The Elk Mountain pilot., 1914-07-16
Mo Relief.

did you send away that ill-tem-
pered, growing dog to the pound?"
Yes. but 1t doesn't help things
much. can't send my husband thereS
too"
The daily Gate City. [volume] (Keokuk, Iowa) 1855-1916, 1914-11-15
Christmas ship sails

NEW YORK, Nov. 14.-Christmas
cheer for 100000 families left here
aboard Santa Claus special ship, the
U. 8. collier Jason today. The big
collier, which is conveying eighty-two
carloads OF gifts from American kid
dies and grown-ups for European boys
and girls, destitute because Of the
war, weighed anchor from Bush Ter
minal at Brooklyn, shortly after noon
today. Three thousand people crowd
ed the dock to cheer and wish the
ship bon voyage. All down the har-
Dor, vessels saluted the Santa Claus
boat with their whistles and bunting.
The ceremonies on the dock, previous
to the sailing, were brief. Those who
spoke included Dock Commissioner r..
A. Smith. President McAney Of the
board Of aldermen. and Jas. Kelley,
Of the Chicago Herald
thousand school children sang
songs and waved tiny American fags
The daily Gate City. [volume] (Keokuk, Iowa) 1855-1916, 1914-11-15
OF Interest
To Women


over 4 century ago when La Guiiio
.,no doomed q black and menacing fig
rra against the lurid war sky OF
France. Madame Defarge and her com
..-,o,s AIT IN it's shadows. knitting
,hrouehout that black. raging era II
-b,ch there was no pause, no peace
y. ,rtarval OF relenting rest. Theirs
~. = vruesome task, sitting as they
Ala before the great engine that
rohhed france OF the flower OF Its emil
ar.n ,ts royalty and aristocracy
Weaving into their knitting the names
.hass who next would ascend the
o..ns ~ the scafYold. and never lifting
.he,r eves from their work except fol
10, glances at the latest victim al
.san noted the number down
'n IA now. when not only France, but
-, .,,., nations Of Europe are raging
enc fever Of war, and the tremen
hattIecry for power is ursina
Country o against country, there ma:
cou renaissance of knitting. But
co no story Of inhuman cruelty Is
nov into the yarn-only pity, sym
~oso .ra a desire to be OF some aid
pau r,neland and France society has
IN n~ad it's mode OF existence anc
cn sare rav frivolity once held sway
n toll now rules over willing
uss,u. subjects. Every big ball room
q
The daily Gate City. [volume] (Keokuk, Iowa) 1855-1916, 1914-11-15
Cured His RUPTURE

I was badly ruptured while lifting
a trunk several years ago. Doctors
said my only hope of cure was an
operation. Trusses did me no good.
Finally got hold of something that
quickly and completely cured me.
Years have passed and the rupture
has never returned, although am do
ing hard work as carpenter. There
was no operation, no lost time, no
trouble. / have nothing to sell, but
will give full information about how
you may find complete cure without
operation, If you write to me. Eugene
NJ. Pullen, Carpenter, IDA Marcellus
avenue, Manasquan, N. J. Better cut
out this notice and show 1t to any 9TH
ers who are rutpure-you may save
life or at least stop the misery OF
rupture and the worry and danger Of
an operation.
The daily Gate City. [volume] (Keokuk, Iowa) 1855-1916, 1914-11-15
BAD COLD? GET
RELIEF At ONCE
WITHOUT QU!N|NE
"Pape's Cold Compound
ends severe colds or grippe
in few hours.

You can end grippe and break
up . severe cold either in head.
chest, body or limbs, by taking
dose OF "Pape's Cold Compound
every, two hours until three doses ars
taken.
1t promptly opens clogged-up nos
trils and air passages in the heau'
stops nasty discharge or nose run
ming, relieves sick headache, duil
ness, feverishness, sore throat snee'
ing, sorness. and stiffness.
Don't stay stuffed-up. Quit bloWihs
and snuffling! Ease your throoolns
head-nothing else in the world slse,
such prompt relief as "Papes eo ~
Compound, which costs only -
cents at any drug store. 1t acts VIZ
out assistance, tastes nice, and causes
no Inconvenience. Be sure you s''
the genuine.
The daily Gate City. [volume] (Keokuk, Iowa) 1855-1916, 1914-11-15

ing much towards meeting the needs
of the soldiers, relieving the pressing
necessities Of women whose masculine
supporters have gone to war. and in
this country giving employment to the
thousands Of working girls out of work
as result Of the war conditions.
With Poiret, Worth, Redeem and
many Of the leading couturiers at the
front, Fashion has fled from Paris
and France, and American women are
beginning to direct it. Red Cross uni
forms seem to be the most popular
mode OF dress in Europe now, and as
one man remarked, II things keep on
there will be at least four nurses to
every wounded man. But It may be
indeed said that women have respond
ed vaIiantly to the call Of service.
The daily Gate City. [volume] (Keokuk, Iowa) 1855-1916, 1914-11-15
IN MEMORIAM.
) >~> <>><>>'
Gone to Her Rest.
Contributed

Mary Douglass Connor died on the
morning of November Is, 1914. She
was born in Rockbridge county. Vir-
ginia, Jan. Is, 1923, and moved with
her family to Pennsylvania and later
in her thirteenth year, to Warren
county, H.. where she grew up and
on Nov. 10, 1913, married Samuel
Brownlee.
At the time of her going home she
was in her ninety-second year, being
the oldest woman in the county. She
with her husband and two babies, in
their young married life moved to
Hancock county, and settled near Nau.
WOO, where they reared their family
of boys and girls, being always leat.
ers in all good works in the neighbor.
hood and county.
A good mother, well beloved, a con.
slant friend, consistent christian
character has laid down life's burdens
and gone to a we'll deserved rest
The daily Gate City. [volume] (Keokuk, Iowa) 1855-1916, 1914-11-15

sey, showed her sympathy with the
South by wearing white calico dress.
Mrs. Charles D. Hirst, recording secre-
tary, and Mrs. Thomas J. Vivian, cor
responding secretary, also wore cotton
dresses"
The army Of England has called for
million socks and is imploring the
women to send smooth ones-not first
attempts that blister the feet. So
knitting army socks is great re-
sponsibilfty, and many prefer the m',f-
fiers which do not require SO MUGS
akfll. With sewing. knitting anu AXIS
ing. women are rapidly stepping from
me ranks of the so-called idle rich
and are becoming recognized heads OF
different organizations which are do
The daily Gate City. [volume] (Keokuk, Iowa) 1855-1916, 1914-11-15
Regular Monthly Meeting Executive
Board Industrial Association Is
Held Friday
Afternoon.
LETTER ON TRAIN TIME
Eustis Asks Local People to Try
Present Arrangement-Two
Factory Propositions
Submitted.

Friday afternoon at the regular
monthly meeting OF the executive
committee OF the Industrial associa-
ton, memberships we're discussed,
and 1t was reported that subscrip-
lions to the amount Of $1,000 had been
secured. A letter was read from
Traffic Manager Eustis concerning
train service and schedules. and two
factory propositions we're submitted.
The report of the treasurer was
read and proved by the members OF
the committee, and bills were ordered
paid The matter of memberships was
taken up and discussed. and it was
reported that less than one hundred
dollars short of the fund of $4,000 is
uncolIected
An invitation to Ksokuk to send re-
representatives. to the meeting OF the
Chamber Of Commerce of the United
states Of America which will be held
in Washington in February was read.
1t is not probable that Keokuk will be
able to send any representative.
A letter was read from P. S. Eustis,
passenger traffic manager OF the Bur-
lington relative to the train sched-
uIes. Mr.. Eustis stated in his letter
that the Burlington would not expect
to retain the present schedule as the
Rock Island trains are so late as to
make it impossible to adhere to the
present arriving time. He stated,
however, that he believed in view of
the fact that it was necessary forl
everyone to economic that it would
be best to try the schedule as 1t now
is
No action was taken on the letter.
The committee is biding its time, and
watching the action of No. II before
making any further communications
in this matter.
Two factory propositions were sub
mitted. There was nothing to give out
concerning these two propositions.
The daily Gate City. [volume] (Keokuk, Iowa) 1855-1916, 1914-11-15

in London has been converted into a
colossal sewing and knitting circle
and the great country seats and IA
nous castles of England. which. ac-
cording to the old order of things
would now be the scenes Of brilliant
entertainments, have been offered to
the Red Cross for use during war.
Even on the stage between perform
ances the chorus girls are busy with
their needles making numerous arti-
cles of clothing for the soldiers while
on the tops of omnibuses women knit,
and In the parks or while waiting for
luncheon. In the States it is the same.
for in New York and Boston 1t has be-
come common sight to see women in
their machines industrfously knitting
on their way shopping or to parties.
Even in the theaters, socks, mufflers
and wrist-warmers are drawn forth
between acts. The New York Herald
says:
Two thousand women, some Of them
knitting for the soldiers, many wear
ing cotton dresses, and most of them
decorated with cotton bali necklaces,
gathered yesterday in the Astor hotel
and considered important subjects on
the autumn calendar of the New York
City Federation OF Women's Clubs.
their semi-annual convention was the
largest the organization has held.
When Mrs. Dwight w. Graves OF
London, took out her knitting box and
began industriously to ply the needles
to make gray wooden sock, the wo-
men became interested and declared
they would bring their knitting next
time
In the front row was Mrs Rebecca
Friedlander who had her knitting. She
worked on gray cholera belt.
THE president, Miss Florence Guern-
The daily Gate City. [volume] (Keokuk, Iowa) 1855-1916, 1914-11-15
One on the Candidate

Storm Lake Pilot-Tribune: This Of
fee accidentally pulled" a good one
on Roy W. Murray last week. In his
ad calling attention to his candidacy
for representative, Mr.. Murray wrote:
I'VE will do our duty as We See tt
And here is what slipped through
Eve will do our duty as we see fit
The daily Gate City. [volume] (Keokuk, Iowa) 1855-1916, 1914-11-15

as the big collier slipped away. !,
The itinerary Of the Christmas s o..
Is: Arrive Falmouth November
arrive Marseilles December s. GEM
December 10; Salonika, December AZ
The daily Gate City. [volume] (Keokuk, Iowa) 1855-1916, 1914-11-15

~. ZONES is the daughter OF MIS-.
w. s. WINS OF the keokuk cnap "s.
and Is always very welcome guest
The Richmond Virginian. (Richmond, Va.) 1910-1920, 1914-10-06
Editors Table Talk
The Daily Press.

After quoting editorial from The Vr-
ginian tho Newport News Daily Press says:
We fear that our contemporary is having a
Falstaffan vision of "rogues in buckram"
Where these liquor interests which are con-
spring to defeat the will OF the people and
prevent the enforcement of the prohibition
law? Not in Virginia, surely, for they know
that the next Legislature would not dare to repu-
date the enabling act and legaize the liquor
traffic in Virginia after the first day of Novem-
Ter. 1915 Our contemporary must be referring
TO the liquor interests outside the borders of
srelnia. which expect to fill the orders of Vir-
eIniars after the prohibition law takes effect.
The only way to forestal that movement is to
have a State statute that will prevent the ship
ment of intoxicating liquors into Virginia, I'M
der the federal statute known as he Webb Ken
yon act. Is The Virginian in favor of prohibit
ton from the outside as well the inside.
For our part, have heard intimation
rom any s'purce. except The Virginian's columns
ana some oher Of the prohibition organs that
any effort will be made to defeat the purposes
OF the enabling act For our part. there is
not prehibitionist in the State who will go
farther than we 10 give prohibition fair trial.
We We're not in favor Of the law, but that
It has been voted in by a large majority OF
Ii" people, it IS much our law anybody S
pm r- propose 10 obey it. uphold It, defend it..
j". ~ in power to make it effective.
" -.hiGing citizen take any other
sti ana If the legislature will so amend
jtt {, I" make it unlawful to import liquor
INTO Virginia. we shall still obey, uphold and
defend 1t.
This "a. ston has been agitatinr the people
If Virginia for years and 1t has given this
writer many a perplexng moment and some
eepess nights. trying to decide which was
the best way of dealing with the problem, and
now that the question has been settled by the
voters, and now that distinguished majority
+ them have decided for prohibition, We desire
to give 1t opportunity to prove itself. We
earnestly desire to know If prohibition is what
il claims to be; If prohibition is the true
remedy for the evil.
The on,s way-'o make that-test rs to have
real prohibition law and enforce it to the
letter. II 1t be bad law the surest way to
be rid of IL is to enforce 1t. if it be a good
law the surest way to retain IL is TO enforce
il. Let Virginia have the best law that can
be devised, and let ii have fair trial. We
believe that to be the sentiment of the great
ma &c rity Of citizens who voted against State
wide in tho late election.
The Richmond Virginian. (Richmond, Va.) 1910-1920, 1914-10-06
Concentrating a Contemporary.

Now that the official returns from the prohi
bition election in Virginia all in, 1t is
proper to offer congratulations to our esteemed
local contemporary, the World-News. We we're
on opposite sides and that fact caused some
unkind crit scism OF both of us. Yet while It
is unusual IT Is not unprecedented and in any
way improper to give both sides of a large
public question from the same office and man.
agement The Roanoke Times never had much
hope Of victory at any stage of the campaign,
but we believe that this newspaper performed
duty AMI service to the public and cheerfuiiy
conceded to local afternoon contemporary
credit for like motives and purposes.
The fight was tolerably stiff one. IT was
on the same order of that conducted by the
.ate Henry Grady years ago, before prohibition
was adopted in Georgia but when II was pro-
posed in the city of Atlanta, Mr. Grady took
one section Of the editorial page of the Atlanta
Constitution. His partner and editorial asso-
ciate Mr.. Howells. took another section or the
same page and the two big men had a strong
and energetic comba. through several weeks,
In that case. as in this one, the prohibition
side was victorious. In that case, also as IN
This one the local dry newspaper--or piece
of it-conduCted its side of the discussion with
ability, fanness and unfaing diligence and de-
served its triumph. Roanoke Times.
The Richmond Virginian. (Richmond, Va.) 1910-1920, 1914-10-06

IN holy md righteous God, while unnameable
horrors are committed against Germans living
pcaceably abroad
The declaration especially deplores the OK.
tension of the into lands which have been
the subject of Christian missionary work, eapec.
tally the inclusion of Japan in the war area
To this declaration the British prelates have
answered in kind stating that they attribute
sincerity 70 the German churchmen, but declar-
ing that the latter ave been blinded and not al
lowed 70 see the real situation by undue gov
ornmental influence.
The English leaders are fully convinced that
the holy God Of peace is as much theirs as the
Germans, and that II Germany can lay claim TO
divine proudential favor in her behalf, the
same may be claimed by Britain-and there
you are.
The Richmond Virginian. (Richmond, Va.) 1910-1920, 1914-10-06
An Idle Rumor.

The foolish story sent out from Richmond
relating that there was a probability Of local
option elections being asked for in several Vir-
ginia cities in which the sale of liquor Is now
licensed. but which voted against license in the
Statewide election last Tuesday has now been
effectualy exploded. 1t was merely a specua-
tiv erumor at best. for the State Ant-Saloon
lea que promptly discla.med any authority for
the report.
AS we apprehend the situation the anti
liquor forces are entirely satisfied with the VIC
tory won last week and are content to await
the fruits Of that victory. 1t would SAVIOR OF
bad faith If they sought to hasten the
result already ordained by the people of Viz
Ginia by a decisive and even sweeping mas
lority. The public may rest assured. we think,
that there will be further agitation OF this
matter in the interval between now and NO
vember. 1916, and good purpose Is to be sub
served by agitating the matter. The newspapers
re presenting every view of the question have
united in the cry. Let us have peace."-Dan-
Vile Register.