The Lakeland evening telegram. (Lakeland, Fla.) 1911-1922, 1914-09-21
BLISS OF COMING HOME
BY KATE THORN.


You have, perhaps, many times
thought that you wished things were
different with you. You haven't felt
satisfied. Nobody ever does. 1t Is
a popularity of US all to find fault
with we'll enough. You have looked
at Mr.. BIS brownstone palace, and
wished your humble cottage could be
made to expand into more magnificent
proportions. You have trod his i'm
ported carpets. and turned up your
nose at your own pretty but cheap in
grains. You have looked at his
blooded horses. and felt aggravated
with your faithful old Dobbin because
he was not like them, with a pedi-
gree q yard long, and record in the
twenties.
Now. what you need is travel. You
want to 60 to the seaside for pleasure
and recreation, and order airy rooms.
seven by nine, and sleep in the tur-
moil OF swarms of mosquitoes and
sand flies, be kept awake nights by
four crying babies. and three poodle
dogs which are homesick, drink muddy
coffee, be bullied and neglected by
Walters, sit In parlor full of flies,
where the young ladies Of the estab-
lishment exhibit their musical accom-
plishments until midnight on a wheezy
piano. and be charged four dollars a
day for the privilege.
You need to go to the country. and
sleep in an attic, under the caves,
where the rain on the roof becomes
too damp to be poetical any longer,
and where the rats and mice laugh
at traps and sneer at the family cat.
as they prance around your couch and
dance the tango In the wainscot.
You need to eat tough old hen under
the alluring name Of spring chick
en-" and sour apple pies. and string
beans which are all string and no
beans, and have your morning slum-
bers disturbed by the cackling OF
geese. the Quacking Of ducks. and the
Growing Of ROSTERS innumerable and
untiring: and for near approach to
anything perpetual. commend US to the
rooster where the people take city
boarders, and give them all the com.
forts" and conveniences Of the most
luxurious home"
You need to travel two or three days
on q railway. and get your eyes. and
ears, and the pores Of your skin, full
Of SCOT and cinders, and be conscious
that your collar Is wilted, and the
bosom of your shirt looks like splatter.
work. and that there is a bunch OF
cinders in the corner Of your eye, and
that the two pretty girls on the op'
posite seat are laughing at you.
You need to take a delightful trip
by the palatial steamers Of the so-and-
80 route, and occupy one Of their spa
cious" staterooms. about q foot short
er than yourself when you are
stretched out. and SO narrow that you
cannot turn over on your pallet with
out upsetting the wash stand and de-
moralizing the crockery. You will
sweat and puff, and pant for q breath
Of air, and fall into troubled slum'
Der, only to be awakened by the whis.
tie Of the boat. which seems bent upon
blowing just at the critical time when
you dare to hope that at last you
shall manage it, and get to sleep. You
will get up early In the morning. with
your clothing covered with feathers
and lint, where it has rested on the
upper berth; and, If you have brush,
y&
skinning your elbows at every whisk.
You want to stay away from home
about a month, and, when you get
back. everything will look lovely to
you, especially after you have had a
bath and a clean shirt. There are oc-
casions when a clean shirt would al.
most convert a man from a heather
to Christian.
Your wife does not look half so
freckled as she did, and the children
are not SO deep in bread and molasses
as of yore, and you do not mind II
the carpet is ingram, and the sofa
cushions frayed out at the corners.
You are at home, where you can
be boss of the establishment, unless,
as is frequently the case, your wife
happens to be the superior officer. 1t
does mans soul good to feel that he
Is the boss. There is nothing ele-
Yates his spirit like knowing that he
is where his will is law, and his COM
mands carried out, though the heav-
| ems do fall! 1t is source of salts
faction to have a dog, even, SO that
| you may be sure of something to OF.
| der around
You are surprised that there is SO
much comfort in home. A cup of tea
is simple thing enough, but, under
certain circumstances 1t refines a
mans nature, with milk and sugar in
it, Of course. And toast, and sponge
cake, and a clean tablecloth, and a
cat on the window, and your wife
bringing in your slippers, and Tommy
busy over the picture book, and Min.
ME warming her dolls blue china feet
by the blazing crate, the evening pa.
per coming in, and the bedroom door
open to warm the room, and the assur.
ance in your spirit that nobody will
charge you five dollars for extra com.
forts, under the head of sundries. and
that you can sleep as hong as you want
to in the morning without danger Of