The Fairmont West Virginian. (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1904-1914, 1914-11-14

.oate, of Soda and other Chemical
Mysteries, began to lose its Sharp
Test. &
In other Words. he was All In. ~
He was Track.Sore and Blase and
sore as q Crab and full of ongway. He
had played the whole String and found
there was nothing to 1t and now he
was ready to retire to a Monastery and
wear Gunny.Sack Smoking Jacket
and live on Spinach.
The Vantties of the Night-World had
got on his nerves at last. Instead of
sitting s Feet away from an Imported
Orchestra at 9 A. M. and haunting his
poor old Allmentary System with Sea-
Food, he began to prefer to take 10;
Grain Sleeping Powder and fall blck
In tho Alfalfa.
About Noon the next Day he would
come up for Air, and in order 70 Kill
! the rest Of the Day he would have TO-
hunt up a Game Of Auction Bridge
with three or four other souty old
Mavericks. .5t. "
When the Cartons begin to burn low
in tho suffering Arc Lights along the
Boulevard of Pleasure and the Night
Wind cuts like Chisel and the
Revoler finds his bright crimson Bran
nigan slowly dissolving itself into ia
Helya Headache, there is but one
thing for. Wise Ike to do and that -is,
to Chop on the Festivities and beat it
to Rest Cure.
That is just what the well.Axed
Bachelor decided to do. - i
1 q He, resolved tob Marry and gshaEaayi,
from the Bright Lights and lie dow1R
somewhere In quilted Dressing Gown
and pair of Soft Slippers and devote
the remainder of his Life to; q: grand
cleanup of the Works of Arnold Ben;
nett.
He selected woll,seasoned Senorita
who was still young enough to show
to your Men Friends but old enough to
cut out all the prevalent Mushgush
about the Irish Drama and Norwegian
Art and Buddhism and true Symbolism
of Russian Dancing. r'"r' I'D
Best of all, she had a spotiess tRepu7
tntion. holding herself down to one
Bronx at a Time and always going be:
hind Screen to do her Inhaling.
They we're Married according to the
nev Ceremonies esytseA by the Ring
ling Brothers. AS they rode awayto
their Future Home, the old staseE;
leaned back in the Limousine and
said: "At last tho Bird has Lit l am
going to, put on the Simple Lifc for
an Indefinite Run. have played the
Hoop.La Game to Standstill, SO 1t is
me for a Haven of Rest"
AS soon as they were safely in their
own Apartments, the beautiful Bride
began to do Flip F1ops and screeoh for
Joy. ~
cat last have a License to cut
loose!" she exclaimed. Tor years
have hankered and honed to be Dead
Game and back Excitement right on
the Boards, but every time I pulled a
Caper the stern.faced Mater would be
at Elbow, saying: Nix on the Aero:
battles or you'll lose your Number,
Now I'm a regular honest-to-goodness
Married Woman and I don't recognize
any Limit except the Skyline. I
grabbed you because knew you had
been to all the Places that Keep Open
and could frame up a new Jambofee
every day in the Year. I'm going to;
plow an eight-foot Furrow across En-:
rope and Dine foreyermore at Swell
Joints where famous Show Girls pass
SO close to your Table that You can;
almost reach out and Touch them.
I'm going to Travel twelve months ev:.
cry Year and do oil the Stunts known
to the most imbecile Globe Trottera% :
A few Weeks after that, a HagEprd
Man With tattered Coat-Tails WIS seen
going over the old familiar Jumps
MORAL: Those who Marry to, ,Esi
cape something usually find Something
Else. /,