Newark evening star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1909-1916, 1914-08-18
In Land of Jokedom

! what are your views on the polit-
| ical situation?"
When it comes to a political situa-
tion," replied Farmer Corntassel, you
will have to talk to 81 simlin. the
postmaster. He's the only Teller
around here that ever had one"
Did that dressmaker give your
wife a good fit with her new gown? ?"
Yes, and she gave me another with
its bill"
you and your wife never argue"
Never" replied Mr.. Meekton.
What an ideal stated"
Perhaps it isn't so ideal I some
times fancy Henrietta hasn't enough
respect for my opinions to bother
about arguing with me-"
Herr Schmidt is so fat that he
can't get near enough to his counter
to sell goods"
Him! Sort of a corporation in re-
straint of trade"
Tom Hood, the punster, once de-
scribed the meeting of a man and d
lion, and in doing so he said, The
man ran off with all his might and
the lion with all his NAME
SAY. mister, l hear you want a
new Office boy?"
That's So"
I'm the guy. What's the pay"
But 1 don't think you will do"
Whats the matter? Don't you
want a new kid?"
Yes, but not fresh one"
Shea proverb says that fruit ls
gold in the morning and lead at night
meaning that it's bad for one in the
evening, l suppose.
He-That's right Look at the
trouble Adam got into by eating an
apple after Eve
"oh, dear, Max, what prosaic per
son you are. I'm afraid we shall
never understand each other very
we'll"
Don't you worry! You understood
my proposal all right, and that, was
in the baldest kind of prose"
SO he has ceased to be her ideal?'
What disgraceful thing did he
do?"
married another girl
The day is UNNECESSARILY long to
him who knows not how to value and
use it,
81 have an invention that Is going
to make me fortune" said the
Cheerful Idiot
what is it?" asked the Crouch.
1T is an alarm clock that honks
like a big automobile and makes you
jump out of bed" replied the Cheerful
Idiot.
Many A Nest Is Feathered With
Stolen Plumes.
Cholly-Well, | told the boss ! in
tended to take wife and would need
more salary.
Ethel-How much more did you ask
for9
Cholly-Three dollars a week!
put it plenty high, so | could drop If
he kicked!
Able Seaman Murphy, of H. Nj. S.
Somespeed, was the inventor of the
most ingenious excuses in order to OBJ
tain leave"
what on earth do you require
leave for this time, Murphy" asked
the captain, as our hero made his Oft
repeated request. TT isn't your
great-aunts wedding day, is IL
Faith, no, SORT" replied Pat, with
grin. IT'S not so bad as that, it's
trying to look serious-'bedad, OF
hardly loike to tell yez, sorr, at all, at
all, thin,"
ION, come now, Murphy" said the
captain, grimly. I'm try to stand the
shock"
"Wen, sir, it's like this entoirely.
oil had the misfortune to have a
brother born blind sorr. Heaven be
praised, he's just got his sight, and
wants to see me, SORT"
Leave grantedl' snapped the cap
tain, as he burst into laughter.-Lon-
don Tit-Bits,
Tom-I've seen the girl I want tc
marry. l stood behind her at the
ticket window this morning and she
took seven minutes to buy five-cent
elevated ticket.
Alice-Did that make you want tc
marry herr"
Eyes, I figured out that she coult
never spend my income at that rate.
Boston Transcript.