The Parker post., 1914-03-28
FORECAST FOR
NEXT MONTH
CAPS WILL BE WORN
VERY Low THIS YEAR, AND
WILL REST UPON THE RIGHT
EAR - PRESIDENT HUERTA
EXPECTED TO RESIGN ON
GOOD FRIDAY, APRIL 10.

April was called by the ancients
the lovliest of the months This was
because it typified both the beauty
of Venus, for whom it was named,
and her philosophy of the uses of
beauty. Venus was the most beauti-
| full creature who ever lived. She
was the Lillian Russell of mythology.
Everybody wanted to marry her, and
speculation as to her choice was as
| great as that with respect to Alice
Roosevelt's She knocked the wind
| out of everybody by marrying Vulcan,
who did a general vulcanizing and
blacksmithing business, and was
about the age of Secretary McAdoo.
He was so ugly that people throng-
ed to his shop to trade, just as we
go to see Eddie Foy. 1t had been
supposed that Venus would marry
| Apollo or some other ravishing male
beauty, but she took Vulcan and held
the soldering iron in the shop for him
when the automobile season was On
She explained that she considered Il
the duty of every beautiful woman to
marry an ugly man, and asked how
else the average of beauty was to be
raised. Nobody could say, and from
that day to this beautiful women hav
married ugly men. Thus we have in
! April the lovliness of Venus and the
thunderbolts of Vulcan, a combination
which meant more to the ancients
than either the flowers of May or
the charms of June
Sweet maiden of the long ago,
How many men have lost thy w.t.
And when the gas was burning low
Have rendered gratitude for it?
And thou, old top had it not been
For your droll smile the ages
through
To give an old man heart to win,
What would have happened McA-
doc?
| At any rate, the cherry blooms will
calmly burst upon the view, and rare
and delicate perfumes will wander up
the avenue. The blithe and supple
jointed calf will lightly tread the
flowered mead, constituents will tel
egraph their trusty Congressman for
seed, the whippoorwill at dead of
night will run the pleasant scale of
spring, the tax assessor will delight
in prying into everything, the play
full mole will raise his crest in green
embossing on the lawn, the master
frog will wake from rest and wave
his orchestral baton, the sasafras will
cleanse the blood and tune the plumb.
ing up to plumb, the depth and tex
ture of the mud will make good
roads movement hum, the sober-mind-
ed will revert to sacrifices, hits and
bunts, and the lady in the two-slit
skirt will show us both her legs at
once.
The splendOr of the Easter hat will
match the beauty of the skies,a all
good men will go to bat and do their
best to swat the flies The crowd
around the soda fount will thicken
as the weather warns, the castle
walk will take the count and perish
in the DEVILS arms, the railroad fol-
der will beguile the fisherman with
pleasant lies, the season will consent
to smile on Panamas and summerties,
the farmer will sedately tool his
autoplow around the field, the bobo-
link beside the pool will sing for
will rumble past with home strapped
down upon it's back, the COW will
show lighter cast of red velour
along the back, the lark will MAX
CaruSO sound like someone sharpen
ing skate, the gentle rain will pat
the ground and make the garden
vegetate, the young mans fancy will
descry an angel straying from thC
skies, the spinster will begin to sigh
and think of forming other ties, on
Times eternal camping ground the
Rio Grande will wind about, and the
Mexicans will lay around and let the
chickens fight it out
The puzzled congress will debate
The truth and ethics as to tolls,
And angry words shall indicate
The perturbation of our souls.