davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1914-10-16

Not to be Fooled.-Proudly young
Tomkins displayed the sights of Lon
don to his uncle, fresh from the YER
dant country. They visited st. Paul
and the Embankment and the National
Gallery and all the places they could get
in free and, finally, as an especial treat
they visited a music hall, where
trombone solo was in progress when
they entered, says Answers.
With rapt attention the old man
watched the instrumentalists faclai
contortions. At the close the audience
applauded thunderously, but the OLD
man sat mute.
Well" said young Tomkins, didn
you like it?''
Vera good, vera good, no doubt
nodded the old man, but we country
folk Gamma be taken in so easy as all
that; l knew all the time he wasn't to
swallowin of it,"
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1914-10-16

Already Provided.-Mrs. Naggs mas
a reputation for meanness. One day
while ordering some meat to be deliv-
cred later on, she ordered two cents
worth of cats meat for puss. She iv-
ed a considerable distance from the
shop, and just as the messenger was
leaving with the order Mrs. Naggs
maid appeared, and in a state OF
breathlessness exclaimed, Has missis
meat gone YETI"
Just going" replied the assistant.
"Oh, thank goodness l am in time!
she exclaimed. You must not send the
cats meat; the cat has just caught
bird"
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1914-10-16
Humorous department.

$50 It ls."-A lowly colored man who
had ambitions to own a watch, but
could not read time from one. purchas-
ed a dollar watch recently, attached il
to a strap and hung it from his coat
lapel, putting :he watch in the top
pocket of his coat.
Sauntering down Lombard street, re-
lates the Philadelphia Ledger, he met
another colored man who likewise as
pired to own a watch, but could not
tell time either. The following conver-
sation ensued:
What you-all got there, Bill?' ask
ed the colored man who met the owner
of the watch
Got a watch" said Bill.
Can you tell the time?" asked the
friend.
'Of cose ah CAM" he replied.
What time is it, them" asked the
friend.
Find out yourself" said Bill.
He pulled out his watch and showed
it face up to his friend, who looked at
il. stared a moment and then replied;
so it is, so it is" and he walked
away. He had at least made his friend
believe he, too, could tell time.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1914-10-16

Reversing the Code.-"What do you
mean by writing me that my Jimmie
can't pass into the next grade?' storm
ed an irate female, bursting into the
principals room. An after him dom
such grand work all the year"
why, Mrs. Flaherty,' replied the
teacher, you must know better than
that. I've sent you his report cards ev-
cry month and you know that MS
marks have been nearly all DIS.
'Indade they have, and yit you say
he can't pass. don't understand It,
num-"
Il am afraid you don't understand
our system of marking. d means de-
ficient, you know"
Sure, l don't know phat that may be
mum. but Jimmie told me all about the
letters. Sure d is dandy, C. is cork
ing, b is bum, an A is awful-an
he's got 'Cs' an 'Ds' livery month.-EX'
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1914-10-16

The New Peril.-H. G. Wells, the
novelist, one day told good story OF
deaf old fisherman who was out IN a
rowing boat one day when motorboat
near him sprang a leak and immedi-
ately sank. Its occupants shouted, but
the old man sat putting his pipe, and
paid no attention. Finally they manag-
ed to swim to his boat and clambered
aboard.
One of them yelled Indignantly at
him: "Confound you! Why didn't you
lend a hand? Didn't you see we were
sinking?"
"Ior' bless yer" he gasped in reply
Il saw yer right enough, but l thought
YOU was one of them submarines.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1914-10-16
aNiseellaneuu5 &rad'ns.
WORLDS HIDDEN TREASURES
Untold Millions Driven to Earth for
Safe Keeping.


European authorities figured that
when the Balkan war began, and
there was dread among the common
people of Europe that a general wal
might result, nearly $35O,OOO,OOO in gold
was boarded in three countries in sums
ranging from a gold piece or two up to
tens of thousands of dollars. Austria
Hungary was credited with hiding
away $3.50, 900, 900, Germany $65,000,OOO
and France $13O,OOO,O00, says the New
York Sun.
This was money which had been
traced into those countries just before
the Balkan hostilities began and after
war started. In addition to this vast
sum there was an unguessable guam
tity of gold already buried in the
ground.
Russia is believed to have tens of
thousands of hoarders of money. 1t Is
utterly impossible to guess at the
amount of gold which the people OF
Russia have put into the ground or
into the cellars of their homes. The
sign Of wealth would mean the coming
of the tax collector, and among the
men who look poor are owners of
countless weight in gold.
Vast sums Of gold and silver coin
have gone into Russia, which seldom
let's go of it. The great imperial war
chest has behind it if the signs mean
anything, other sums in little war chests
gold which the government might
draw out if it offered lands for sale, or
bonds the people would trust or oppor-
tunities in commerce heretofore denied
them.
England has its hidden boards, no
one knows how large or how many, but
there is concealed in England nothing
like the amount that is hidden In con-
tinental Europe, where foreign armies
bava onlv to cross a surveyed bOun-
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1914-10-16

A Military offense.-During the an
nual maneuvers of the British Terri
torials a private was riding one day IN
a train with his uniform coat unout-
toned. This caused a sergeant to say:
Button up that coat! Haven't you
any sense of military decency at all?
But here a gentleman on the left in
terfered, saying to the sergeant:
How dare you give commands with
q cigar in your mouth? / am Major
Fitzhugh Calbrain.'
At this point an elderly gentleman
with a white mustache leaned over ano
murmured in the majors ear:
Colonel Brewster Fairfax is sorry &c
remind you, sir, that to scold SER
geant in the presence of a private is
military offense hard to overlook"
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1914-10-16

Correct!-"Say, pa" inquired young
Sylvester Snodgrass, what's test
case?"
"A test case, my son." replied the Sc
nior Snodgrass lis a case brought
into court to decide whether there's
enough in it to justify lawyers in
working up more cases Of the same
kind"
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1914-10-16

Well Balanced.-"I don't quite see
the point of that remark Of yours, said
Mr. Skinner, the grocer, as he tied up
the package of sugar.
What remark was that asked the
customer.
You just remarked that some men
had an offhand way of doing things
and you wished | was one"
Yes: | wished to remind you that
your hand was on the sugar when you
weighed it,"
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1914-10-16

Done by Deputy.-At marriage
service performed in a little country
church when the minister said in SOL
emn tones, Wilt thou have this man
to be thy welded husband, etc. In
stead of the woman answering 1or
herself, a gruff mans voice answered.
Il will"
The minister looked up, very much
perplexed, and paused. He repeated
the sentence, and again the same grufi
voice answered, Il will"
Again the minister looked up when a
man seated at the end of the first row
said, She's deef, parson, an I'm an
swerin' for her!'
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1914-10-16
Not Behindhand.-The judge locke,

Not Behindhand.-The judge looked
AT the prisoner keenly for few mo-
ments and then said: 1T strikes me
forcibly | have seen your face before.
That's where | always wear il" re-
piled the prisoner sullenly.
Then the court laughed. and it took
some time to restore order"
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1914-10-16

Not at the Front.-A professor OF q
university, who is very popular among
the students, was entertaining a group
of them at his residence one night
Taking down a magnificent sword tha'
hung over the fire place, he brandished
it about, eXclaiming:
Never will forget the day l drew
this blade for the first time.
Where did you draw it, SIR an
awe struck freshman asked.
AT a rattle" said the professor
Philadelphia Ledger.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1914-10-16
REAL ESTATE

LOOK! Now Isn't This Nice Selec-
ton?
The j. X. Hope Place: 70 acres.
near TirZah, on Rock Hill and Clay
Hill and Yorkville and Fort Mill roads.
5-room dwelling; large barn; 2 tenant
houses and other buildings; 2 wells
one at house and other at barn. Ad-
joins Z. NJ. Oates, +. Z. Smith and
Mrs Glenn. This is something nice.
See ME QUICK.
The l.. II. Carson Place: 1S5 acres;
S-room dwelling; Groom tenant
house; large barn; crib, etc. Plenty
of wood. Adjoins w. r. Carroll and
others. Now is your time to see me.
Two Tracts-One 63 acres and the
other 60 acres-about 6 miles from
Yorkyille on McConnellsville- Chester
road. First tract has 4-room dwell
ing; barn, crib and cotton house. 9th
er tract has one tenant house. Each
tract watered by spring and branch.
Plenty Of timber. Good, strong land,
and the price Is right Better see me.
Town Property: My offerings here
are very attractive. Can suit you eth
er in a dwelling or a beautiful lot in
almost any part Of Town on which to
erect one. Let me show you.
Geo. w. Williams
REAL ESTATE BROKER.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1914-10-16
Electricity Expands Day.

81 don't believe the electric light
has ever stirred much sentiment in
me. l had so much trouble and wor-
ry in connection with the perfection
and introduction of the lights that |
never have had time for sentiment
about them.
II believe they have expanded what
we may describe as day and that
has increased the possibilities of ef-
fective human effort. l rather like
to think of that.
Everything which decreases the
sum total of mans sleep increases
the sum total of mans capabilities.
There really is no reason why men
should go to bed at all. and the man
of the future will spend far less time
i'm bed than the man of the present
does just as the man of the present
spends far less time in bed than the
man of the past did.
"AS matter of fact very simple
bit of arithmetical figuring will show
that by and by humanity will have
to live in double shifts. so that there
may be room upon the earth for all
the people"
Put war still helps to keep the
population down" ! commented.
The day of life in double shifts
will come in spite Of war. Medical
science will save more lives this year
than war will take. no matter how
terrifically murderous that war may
be.
"In the old days man went up ana
down with the sun. \ million years
from now he won't go to bed at all
Really. sleep is an absurdity. bad
habit. We can't suddenly throw of
the thralldom of the habit, but we
shall throw it off.
Humanity can adjust itself to al
most any circumstances. Not so very
Hong ago we lsid good deal or
trouble here i'm the factory while we
were trying to perfect the disk
record for our monographs. Eight
of us then started upon the work
with very definite intentions of vast
ing just as little time as possible.
For five weeks we put in from li5 to
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1914-10-16

Corporal O'Brien is one of the men
who took part in the memorable
charge of the Ninth British lancers
under Captain Grenfell at Mons. He
was wounded and sent nome, and is
shown here appealing to the men OF
Great Britain to enlist. His two
brothers were killed within hundred
yards of him.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1914-10-16

Mrs. Joe Persons Wash should
be used in connection with the
Remedy for the cure Of sores and
the relief of inflamed and congest-
ed surfaces. 1t is especially val
liable for women, and should al
ways be used for alterations.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1914-10-16
APPLER SEED OATS
INDIGESTION and Nervousness

are overcome by Mrs. Joe Persons
Remedy, which purifies the blood and
tones up the system. Mrs. Mary
Amanda Nash, Lumberton, n. c., was
a severe sufferer from acute indiges-
ton. which brought on extreme nerv-
BUSINESS, suffering daily with catarrhal
headache. Mrs. Joe Persons Rene
dy relieved all these ills and she en-
dorses it as the best medicine in the
world.
GIVE NATURE A CHANCE
Mrs. Joe Persons Remedy purifies
the blood and permits nature to re-
pair the damage Of the ills brought on
by impure DISQUALIFICATION, rheu-
matism, scrofula, eczema. Get the
blood right and most ills are cured.
Your druggist should have Mrs. Joe
Persons Remedy. If he hasn't, send
us his name and one dollar for a large
bottle.
REMEDY SALES CORPORATION,
Charlotte, n. @.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1914-10-16

- Your orders for Commercial Sta
tionery will receive prompt attention
at The Enquirer office. Let us have
your orders you want the Best
The Oskaloosa herald. (Oskaloosa, Mahaska County, Iowa) 1885-1919, 1914-03-12
A TOTAL ECLIPSE TONIGHT
SHADOW OF EARTH WILL PART
LY COVER THE MOON.
Astronomers Are Prepared to Make
Observations Of the Fainter
Stars in Firmament

Washington, d. c., Mar. ll.-There
will be an eclipse of the moon, al.
most total tonight, visible from all
points in western Europe North and
South America and western Africa.
Astronomers at the naval observa.
tory here are prepared TO take ad.
vantage of the opportunity for obser'
vances during the eclipse, for while
the moon is darkened unusually &C.
curate work may be accomplished.
IL is pointed out that fainter stars
than are normally observed for pur-
poses of ocultation observations are
more easily seen during an eclipse
and that they are of great Importance
in correcting the lunar tables. AS
yet astronomers nave found it i'm.
possible to compute from theory la
bles which agree exactly with the
positions observed in the sky.
The shadow OF the earth will not
entirely cover the moon, but at the
middle of the eclipse more than nine.
tenths of the moons diameter will
be in the shadow.
The moon is due to enter the shad.
ow, according to precise reckoning,
at 9:41 $40 o'clock tonight, eastern
standard time; should reach the mid,
die of the eclipse at HIP $40 o'clock
and leave the shadow at 1924 a. m.
Thursday.
The Oskaloosa herald. (Oskaloosa, Mahaska County, Iowa) 1885-1919, 1914-03-12
TWO TROOP TRAINS
BLOWN BY REBELS
Federals on Way to Aid TOrreOn
Killed by Blast.
NUMBER OF DEAD UNKNOWN
War Department Refuses to Give Out
list-Americans Exonerated OF
Charge That They Entered
Mexico for vergara's Body.

Mexico City, March 11.--Rebels at
lacking Torreon dynamited two fed
eral troop trains carrying reinforce
ments to defend the town. The wal
ONCE refused to give out the death list
but 1t was understood here that the
casualties were small. General Huerta
has ordered strict censorship on &C
count of the fighting at Torreon.
Huerta has ordered the federais tC
take the offensive against the forces
OF Carrsnza in all parts Of Mexico
Heretofore the Huerta troops have
acted solely on the defensive, content
ing themselves with resisting attacks
by the rebels.
According to message sent by the
dictator to the governors of all states
the federals will now vigorously attack
the constitutionalists in the north and
force the fighting all along the line.
Generals Ordered Into Field.
In furtherance Of this plan Huerta
has ordered high officers of the army
TO leave Immediately and take the
field. Gensral Javiea de Moure was
ordered to retake Matamoras, General
Guillermo Rubio Navarrete to open the
railroad between Zacatecas and Tor.
reon, General Manuel Zozoya to pro.
tect the railroad between San Luis Po-
otosi and Parras, State of Coahuila,
passing by Saltillo, and General Felipe
Mier to protect the railroad between
Guadalaiara and Manzanillo.
Americans Are Cleared.
Washington, March 1.-THE body Of
Clemente yergara was disinterred
from the Hildago cemetery on the
Mexican side OF the border by Next.
cans hired by relatives of the muir.
dered American and brought by them
to the American side of the border, &C.
cording to dispatch received at the
war department today from Brigadter
General Tasker II. Bliss, commanding
the American troops along the border.
Refuse to Endorse colquit's Position.
Fort Worth. Tex, March 1.-THE
Texas Cattle Ranchers' convention
here in stormy session declined to
approve Governor Colquitt's stand on
the subject Of the Mexican situation.
The governor delivered stirring ad-
dress to the ranchers in which he de-
tended his position, urged his more
aggressive methods be adopted in
the southern republic in pref
erence TO the slow federal govern.
ment"
A resolution was introduced In
dorsing the Texas governors stand
and in the uproarous session that fol.
lowed, Governor Colquitt was about
equally lauded and denounced The
resolution failed when put to a vote.
In his speech Governor Colquitt an.
nounced that he would be a candidate
for United States senator against
Senator Shepard.
The Oskaloosa herald. (Oskaloosa, Mahaska County, Iowa) 1885-1919, 1914-03-12
MENACE TO SMALL DEALER
HEAD OF HARDWARE BODY HITS
AT PARCEL POST.
Asserts That II Country Towns Are to
Remain on Map They viii Have
to Be Protected.

Washington, March 11-"If the
country towns are to remain on the
map you must give some protection
TO the small dealer" declared Charles
A. Ireland of lonia, Mich, president of
the National Retail Hardware associa-
ton, before the house judiciary com.
mittee in protesting against alleged as
sistance the parcel post Is giving mail
order houses to eliminate the country
merchants.
I'VE have been led to believe that
Standard on and other gigantic indus
trial concerns were a danger to this
republic, but wanl TO warn you gen
tiemen that the greatest menace is
the elimination of country merchants
and the drifting away from the small
towns to the cities. The very per.
petuity of our nation is at stake"
Last year. according to Ireland.
mail order houses by means OF clever
price cutting on a few articles did a
business OF $S00,000,0O0. He suggest
ed price fixing by the federal govern.
ment as one means OF curbing the
mail order business
NJ. l.. Corey OF Argee. Ind. also rep
resenting hardware dealers, told the
committee that the parcel post is op-
Grating mainly in the interests OF the
mail order houses of Chicago and
other places. lie asserted that the
business OF the mail order houses has
increased about so per cent and that
II the parcel post carries books the
mail order houses will save more than
$l,OO0,OO0 year in passing on their
catalogues.
These arguments were made as a
part OF the witness contention that
the committee ought not to approve
trust bills which might hurt the re.
tail dealers of the country towns. The
manufacturer, 1t was argued, ought to
be entitled to fix the retail price on
standard articles.
The Oskaloosa herald. (Oskaloosa, Mahaska County, Iowa) 1885-1919, 1914-03-12
INCITEO THE MEN TO RIOT
MINE SLEuTH TESTIFiES AT
HEARING IN CHICAGO.
Asserts Guards Made Practice Of In.
sulting Strikers Wives SO As
to Cause Trouble.

Chicago. March 11.-How private de-
tectives hired by the mining compa-
MES mingled with the strikers and in.
suited the miners and their wives !;
how they shot up" the homes of the
union workers and resorted to trick,
cry in melting the miners to rioting
were described by Henry Batter be
fore the congressional committee in
the Hotel La Sale investigating the
strike of the copper miners in the
northern Michigan copper country.
Batter was employed as a private
detective by the Asher Detective
agency of New York. He said that
he was in charge OF the 200 private
detectives sent to Michigan to break
up the strike.
I'VE were all given reyolyers and
clubs an hour before our train reached
Calumet" said the witness. 1T was
understood that we should harass
taunt and 60 among the strikers In
order to create rioting and thus put
the blame upon the striking miners.
continued the private detective.
Batter said that he has been en-.
gagged by private detective agencies
for seven years and hired out as Il
strikebreakar.
The witness described how the pr.
yate detectives would mingle among
the striking paraders and create dis
turbances in order to break up the
parades and incite rioting so that
the Michigan National Guards could
use their bayonets in disbanding the
union mems parades."
We would not hesitate to insalt
women in order to create this trou,
BILE" said Batter. Il remember one
night, when everything was quiet and
peaceful and the miners were in their
homes and making no demonstrations,
one OF our men-a private detective
called Curry-came up to me and
said: i guess I'll shoot up one Of the
miners homes In few minutes |
saw him fire several shots through u
cottage owned by Mrs. Benson"
Mai. II. b. Britain of the Michigan
National Guard preceded Batter on
the stand. He told OF the frequent
clashes the militia had with the strik.
Ing miners.
Batter admitted that among the
strlkebreakers hired by the detective
agency was a number of gunner"
Charles L. Mahoney, vice.president
of the Western Federation OF Miners.
who was to have been a witness be.
fore the committee. is at the Engle.
wood hospital recovering from an OPP.
Grafton for appendicitis. At the hos.
pital it was said his condition was
good
The Oskaloosa herald. (Oskaloosa, Mahaska County, Iowa) 1885-1919, 1914-03-12
CLUB RESENTED
CHIEFS WARNINGS
St. Louis Official Says He. Was
Hampered.
MORE BODIES ARE FOUND
Thlrty.Three Persons Are Reported "a
Have Lost Their Lives In Fire
That Destroyed Missouri
Athletic Club.

St Louis, March IA rigid inves
capes and safety appliances at the
Missouri Athletic club probably viii
be an early aftermath of the fire
which cost more than 80 lives OF prom
ineHt st. Louisians and residents OF
other cities who made the club their
home while in this city.
Already u wrangle has arisen be-
tween the fire authorities OF the city
and the directors and officers OF the
club.
On one hand 1t is claimed that the
club had complied with all of the or
ders of the fire department and that
the inspectors of the department are
To blame for the condition which re-
suited in the heavy loss of life. On
the other hand, it is claimed that fr
quent warnings had been given those
In authority at the club that the build
ing was unsafe. 1t was claimed, too,
that such alterations as were made, In
response to demands of the fire de.
partment that safeguards be installed.
were made grudgingly and after long
litigation.
To Demand Quiz.
The demand for an Investigation
probably will come from Chief Swing.
ley himself. 1t is known that he fought
against the issuance of a permit to
remodel the building into clubhouse
with sleeping rooms when the task
was undertaken seven years ago.
Since that time he has constantly
sought to have additional safeguards
installed.
Death Toll Fixed at Thirty-one.
Careful checking up OF those known
to be at the club and those heard from
since the fire resulted In death list
of 81. This number may be slightly
increased, directors OF the club believe.
Three bodies were recovered from
the ruins by iremen. One was identi-
fled as that OF +. p. Williams, a banker
of New York. This brings the total OF
bodies recovered TO ten. Another body
taken out was identified as that OF
Marshall Bier, head of Marshall Bier
& Co., fur dealers of st. Louis. A
third body was Identified as that OF
William ]. Kinser. treasurer OF the
Kinser Construction company. st.
Louis.
The following names were added to
the list OF the missing:
William II. Borders, banker. OF
Sparta, H.; John Day of Brooklyn:
Meredith A. Johnston, well-known
chess player, Of Lexington. Ky.
That the building was firetrap and
that he had opposed the conversion OF
the Boatmen's bank structure into
club building was the assertion OF
Fire Chief Swlngley as he directed
the search for bodies.
Commercial buildings remodeled
with rooms such as was the Missouri
Athletic club never can be anything
but fretraps, and should be prohib.
tied" he declared.