The Alaska citizen., 1914-08-03
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 TALES WORTH RETElLiNG.
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A group of men were discussing their probable chances of entering the heavenly gate. Some were eX- tolling their virtues and religious zeal, and felt sure they could not be ignored. Several were willing to take chances when the situation presented itself. One said he had his plan mapped out and. when pressed for details, said: Well, intend to walk up the golden stairs and take hold of the door and keep opening and closing it, making as much noise as possible, till I get St. Peter good and peeved, and then he will say: See here, either you come in or stay out '"'-San Fran cisco Argonaut.
 "I have a very clever new novel here" said Jones, the lady-like reader, to the publisher
 "Humph wil1 it sell. though That's the question. Anything in it about 'abysmal brutes'?"
 damned full of them"
 'Is it full of primal passion'?"
 "Chockfull."
 Does the cave man in the book woo lis lady-love with a club?"
 Sure, Mike"
 Rush it to the printer, Jones, We've lassoed another best seller" The Midnight Doughnut
 A book seller in New York pur- chased a lot of books at a sale. Finding several sets of Charles Dickens works in this stock he decided to make a special price on them so he put all of them in the large show window with the follow ing sign in large letters:
 Charles Dickens Works all Week for $4"
 An Italian who had drifted down that way walked up to this window. Reading the sign, he said: Desc countree alice wrong Americana he work ze week, ze zix; one. two, tree, fo, five, zix-zix days fo for dol!"-New York Sun.
 John Mitchell, the labor leader, was talking about an assertion to the effect that Mark Hanna was the best friend organized labor ever had, because he steadily opposed an eight-hour law.
 That assertion sounds like a joke" said Mir Mitchell Ut re- minds me of John Rich's claim to be friend of labor. "John Rich, the mill owner said man, is fine boss for his hands, a fine, easy, indulgent boss
 "Yes? How so,' some one in quired.
 "'Why,' said the man, he allows them sixteen hours to do days work in.'"
 James MacNeill Whistler and Os- car Wilde did not love each other over much. Constantly they met in London drawing rooms, where each enjoyed reputation as wit, and it was not unnatural that jealousy sometimes famed the fuel of their hate. On one occasion Whistler made particularly apt remark that won applause even from Wilde. By jove, Whistler" he exclaimed, q wish I had said that!" "Never mind" said Whist Ter, nonchalantly, you will. l."-San Francisco Argonaut.
 The larSe-nedrleO son or Erln was digging postholes one day when the boss rambled along to size up the job. How are you making out, Pat?" asked the boss. "Foine as silk" answered Pat, keeping right on with his work. "as yez will notice yersilf" "The work looks all right, Pat" jokefully responded the boss, but do you think you will ever be able to get all that dirt back in the hole again?" "No. sir, not as it Is now, sor. but it's me intuition to dig the hole a little daper. r."-Detroit Free Press.
 Miss Emery had given little Tim simple problem in addition that he failed to work out. Numbers are dry" she reasoned with herself. and determined to make the lesson