The Alaska citizen. (Fairbanks, Alaska) 1910-1917, 1914-07-27
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:, TALES WORTH RETEuLING.
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At the Union Iron Works. San
| Francisco, a steamer was undergoing
repairs. The chief engineer-a Scot
of course-requiring a hammer in a
hurried moment. turned to a German
mechanic. and in his momentary ex-
| element lapsing into his native
speech said: Gle us yer petty,
mon" Vat" asked the Teuton in
surprise. Yer pelty--pelty!" IT'S
yer hammer he wants. interpreted
another Scot who was also working
on the job. Thank the Lord there's
one man among ye wha understands
Gods English" growled the chief
engineer as he took the petty
cincinnati Enquirer.
President Wilson likes novels of
an idealistic rather than realistic
trend
At a reception in Washington a
lady mentioned realist who had
just produced shockingly depress-
ing and unpleasant book
How would you define a realist ?"
some one asked. and the lady said:
a IcdllSl ID a WIlttI W HO Is us
gusted with the world"
"Oh, no, not at ALL" smiled the
President "A realist is writer
with whom the world is Disguised
New York Tribune.
A Chicago business man with
many relatives, some of whom We're
well-to-do but graspng. recently
sought the services of his lawyer
to draw up his will. When, after
much labor the document was COM
pleted, the client asked: Have
you fixed this thing as l wished
it. tight and strong?" Il have done
my best said the lawyer. WELL"
continued the client, Il want to ask
you another thing-not professional
ly however. AS a friend, and man,
who do you think stands the best
chance of getting the property when
| am ?"-San Francisco Argo
naut
When she returned from her long
stay at resort hotel, she received
him with an Icy demeanOr.
Pm going to give you back our
engagement ring" she said. Il
love another"
will you give me his name and
address," he inquired, as he took
the ring.
His address," she exclaimed. in
surprise. What are you going to
do? Kill him."
mo, indeed" was the reply. 81
want to sell him this ring. Lip.
pincotts Magazine.
The new minister was asked 20
dine at the home of one OF his
parishioners, and, of course, respond
ed to the request to say grace. In
the little pause which succeeded
TIE amen" the small daughter of
the family exclaimed, naively:
We'll, my papa don't know that
piece! "-Harpers Magazine.
A Chicago man who has son at
Cornell took occasion while on the
way home from New York to stop
off for the purpose of seeing how
the boy was getting along. 1t hap
pened to be just after the Cornell
football team, which had undergone
many humiliations that season, had
been beaten by Solgate.
How are things going with the
football team" the father asked,
pretending to be seeking informa-
ton.
The Cornell football team" the
young man exclaimed with all the
disgust that he could put into his
tones: 1T has been beaten by every
thing except Colonial Danes. Phil
adelphia Times.
A certain lady suspected her hus-
band was in the habit Of kissing the
cook. a pretty German girl, and re-
solved to detect him in the act.
After watching four days. she heard
him come in one evening and gently
pass through into the kitchen.
Now, Katie was out that evening
and the kitchen was dark. Burning
with jealousy, the wife took some
matches. and hastily placing her
shawl on her head, as Katie often
did. she entered the kitchen by the
back door and was almost imme-
dlately seized and embraced and
kissed in the most ardent manner.
the injured wife prepared to admin
lister terrible rebuke to the spouse.
Tearing herself from his embrace,
she struck a match and stood face
20 face with katie's beau, one of the
factory boys. Her husband says his
wife has never treated him 50
well since the first month they
were married. as she has for the
past week-National Monthly.
A minister was invited out one
afternoon for a motor-car ride with
one of his friends. The minister.
who enjoyed all outdoor sports. was
very enthusiastic over motoring. so
he was allowed to drive the car
While speeding along he was stop
ped by constable and ordered to
the station house. WELL" said the
captain. after listening to their
story. you say you were going at
only fifteen miles an hour. but the
constable declares you were travel
ing at forty. Now, I don't like to
doubt the word of either of you. Can
you think why he insists you were
travelling at that rate Of speed?
Is there any grudge he owes you?"
NO" said the clergyman, hum
orous CLEAN in his eyes. mo,
can't think of anything-unless it
is that | married him four years
ago ''-WaShinptOn Post