The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1914-05-30
Unc3e Abner.

For the love of Mike. please CUT IT
Unc3e Abner.
Mrs. Amry ':ibbs has been divorced
| SO often that she now has q charge
account with her attorney and pays
him a little now and then when she
can.
A woman finds out how her hus-
band likes her hair done up best and
then does 1t up some other way.
| Anse Frisby, our local banker. who
| is somewhat of q cornerseWer. says
| that the only things he doesn't like
about grand opera are the words and
music.
| Lem Higgins says the fel1ers who
made the calendar ought to have al
lowed more time between the Christ
mas presents and the Easter bonnets.
1 Hank Tumms is willing to give up
anything during lent excepting
money.
Mr.. Lem Higgins has bought so
| many appliances for his oatmobile
4 that there isn't room for all of them
on the car at the same time. 1t
takes SO much power to run the ap-
pliances that there amt any left to
run the oatmobile.
Everything is divided equally in
| this world. The rich drive the auto
mobiles and the poor dodge 'em.
A Teller who is paying alimony to
| two or three ex-wives can be par
doned for INDUCING in a bit of pes
| simism occasionally.
Miss Pansy Tibbitts got into her
tight skirt the other day and couldn't
get out and they had to cut 1t up the
back from the hem to the waistband
There are times when even q lodge
button doesn't guarantee you that q
Teller is going to give you a square
deal.
Many a Teller is judged by the CT
gars that are named after him.
Hank Tumms and Hold Peters are
such bitter enemies that they vote
different tickets every four years
Just to knock each other out.
There are lot of book critics in
this country who couldn't get one OF
their own published on a bet.
There may be some good ball play
| ers who don't chew tobacker. but ]
must confess that 1 have never seen
one.
Job may have been some long on
patience. but he never had to hook
, and eye his wife up the back five
minutes before theater time, or he
would have lost his reputation.
This cou2try seems to be divided
rather have a house and lot than an
oatmobile. and the other would
rather have an oatmobile than a
house and lot.
It is estimated that nearly 1 pc,
cent Of the genuine Havana cigars
are made in Havana
| March is the most disappointin
month in the year. It always prom
Uses something, but never makes
/ good.
The Teller who kin keep steam UP
1 all the time may make more money
but he won't live so long.
| Inc Hero.
It is great to be a hero
And to dodge the shot and shell,
And to serve as an example
OF the fact that WAR is hell"
There's a heap of satisfaction
In q duty nobly dones
When a nations honor suffers
And q battle must be won.
Honor knows no rank or station
In the moiling days Of strife.
And the humblest is a hero
When he gives his all-his life.
Il How to Write Popular Song.
First. select a sentimental subject
such as love. mortgage on the ole
farm. midnight In the graveyard OF
grandfathers false teeth-a sub1ec
that will appeal.
Write all Of the slush you can thinl
of on the subject and make 1t rhym,
so Tar as possible. There is no iron
clad rule as to the rhyming. You cal
make given rhyme with heaven,
or you can make river" rhyme Will
fever" and if the singer slurs badl,
enough nobody will ever know the diff
ference.
After you have finished the heart
breaking poem have some pictur.
show pianist set 1t to ragtime music
Send 1t to the publishing house and
sign a contract giving you one-tentl