davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington herald., 1914-06-14
OLD PAL PINKHAM

Ny Dear Mr.. President: As the town
oC Jericho elected you by a majority OF
seven votes. and az It Will have much to
say whether you get a second term or
not h VIII be wise for you to post your
SELF a biz about the people.
II vas Moses Harper who begun It
Some one told him that a circus adver-
tikns wagon was slowly but surely ap-
preaching the town Of Jericho, and he
let II be known that he would show up
a ths post-ofice In the evenin' and have
sumthtn, to say to interest the hull
Unibed Statea Nobody could guess
whether Moses had found q new way
Of grt1in' a hired man up at o'clock
IN the Inorpiu' or was soin' to expert
mnt ON growin' broomsticks, and the
crowd was holdin., its breath when he
showed up. Moses didn't lose no valuable
time rytn' to find out whether Porto
Rico belonged to the United States or to
. tobacco trust. but put on his spectacles
and said:
-CStizens Of Jericho: The tocsin has
seconded. and we are here tonight to
counsel together In the cause of moral
iU- Last year, as most Of you know,
Jonas Teachout. whose barn faces the
highway a mile outside OF tfis town, 81
lowed the circus wagon to paste up pic
tures ON three sides Of the bufldin' How
many tickets for the circus he got In
exchange / DO not know. and It has
nuthtn' 10 do with the question. What
I'm sayfn' II that them pictures, In my
solemn belief, shocksd the morals Of this
The Washington herald., 1914-06-14
THE OWL AND THE PEASANT.

An Owl who alighted on a tree In
front Of a Peasants cottage at sun
down and gave q boot was retoiced to
lear the man praising her voice to his
wife.
"As my notes are appreciated. will
do my best" said the Bird, and she
hooted away without intermission for
the next hour. She was still makins
a noise when the Peasant appeared un-
der the tree and began fiinging stones
at her.
ALIAS. for the gratitude of human
ity!" walled the Owl as missile
knocked her on the limb. Tt was only
an hour ago that ! heard you praising
my voice.
"Tha, is true" replied the Peasant.
And now you seek to drive me
away"
THAT IL also true. but you should
not have given Js so much Of It. You
started I'm with hoot and ended with
q chs tier, and from a feeling of pleas
ure I have passed to one Of disgust
MORAL:
Wisdom consists in knowing when
to shut up.
The Washington herald., 1914-06-14
THE ELEPHANT AND THE BUG

One day the elephant came down 10 the
pooI so drink. and after shaking his thirst
he s,cked up water in his trunk and
souirted 1t over his big body to cool him
self on. He was thus engaged when the
Bug came out of q crevice and said:
"Ah, but have been suffering with the
heat all day! II I were only an ele-
phant!"
"Yes, It's very nice. but I guess we car
fx things as 1t is. I've got about enough
and now I'll attend to your case Stand
by for a shower"
Thereupon the Elephant sucked up a
barrel or more OF water and blew 1t over
the Bug, who was at once swept away
in the food and drowned out OF hand
MORAL:
We would be safer IL some Of our
friends wished US evil.
The Washington herald., 1914-06-14

rs It the opinion Of this meetin' that
Jonas Teachout ought to be wrassled
with"
MOI no! noi"
Then I'm appealin' directly to Moses
Harper Moses, will you withdraw them
remarks about the blight of destruction,
the auurfn colors of vice and innocence
weepin' under blackberry bush?"
Il might" says Moses after a little
reflection. but 1 want to be let down
easy
1T shall be done. I'm offerin' the fol-
lowin' resolution to be voted on: Re-
solved. That circus pictures on a barn
may or may not affect the moral STAN
dard Of a community. but we are willin'
to chance it this year"
The resolution was carried with a
whoop. and the crowd piled over itself TO
get outdoors and look around for Jonas
Teachout and beg fur deadhead tickets,
and Moses Harper wasn't one of the
last!
The Washington herald., 1914-06-14

ing dignity and passed on. He couldn',
fight with a tramp. but he determined tc
make Mrs. Bowser pay for those In
suits. Forty rods further on he came
to a farmhouse. There was a lathy
young man greasing q wagon in FROM
OF the place. and Mr.. Dowser halted and
asked:
do you think I might be able to IND
any huckleberries around here?"
.Mebbe It's hayseeds and suckers yor
are looking for?' was the reply. accom-.
panied by looks of suspicion.
II simply desire to find some buckle
berries and pick them OF the vines
The lathy young m-n laughed.
We'll, what are you cackling about? !?
I'm wondering whether you are q
fool or a sharper. Why didn't you say
that huckleberries grew on oak treesr
They grow on vines. as I said, and
see no need Of your making a smari
Aleck of yourself over It. ! asked you
a civil question"
PA, pa" called the young man tc
some one In the house.
well. what Is it," asked the old farm.
er himself as he came out.
Here's a feller as says huckleberrie.
grow on vines!
The old man put on his spetaeles and
went closer to Mr.. Bowser. and then drew
back and said:
Look out for him. SAM I think he's
the feller that stole our milk cans one
night last week! Lord, what a mug he's
got on him.
See here. but what in thunder ails
you!' shouted Mr.. Bowser. as he got as
red as a beet. II come along here and
ask you a civil question and you make a
great mystery over 1t. II there are any
idiots around here. you are the ones"'
But you said you were after buckle
berries" protested the young man.
Well, what Of it,"
And they grew on vines"
And what OF that. too?''
Don't try any blum here. old man. Pa,
whistle for the dog. Now you git!''
The farmers wife came out with the
dog. She had a hoe handle in her hand.
Bowser decided to get. As he started the
four took after him, and in his confusion
he took to the woods across the roads,
instead OF keeping to the highway. The
tramp down the road on log had seen
The Washington herald., 1914-06-14

was powerful strong on that pizen ivy
bein' rooted in innocence. l kin almost
see whar' circus pictures might influence
me to go home and pound my old COW
with a sled-stake II she didn't keep her
tail still while was milkin' her.
Not much different from a huskin'
bee" said Enos. II didn't feel no feelin's .
Of wickedness stealin' o'er me, but did
sort OF make a fool Of myself found a
soft spot in the barnyard and tried to
turn a handspring. and for about two
hours they thought my neck was busted.
I'm thinkin' that hard cider has more GIN
eral influence than circus pictures"
ITS a p'int"' shouted the deacon as he
waves his cane on high. IT'S a pint no.
body kin 81. over. It's hard cider that's
backin' vice all over this country and
histin innocence over the fence whenever
they meet. However, it may be that cir
Moses, have you got any more argy-
ments?"
''of what use?" says Moses as he heaves
q sigh and turns away. Wasn't Sedan
warned? Did Sedan heed It? When vice
stalks rampant through every household
in Jericho and innocence Is drtv' to the
I'm willin' to hear more argyments. Enos
Williams. you driv by that barn twice
day all summer. How did them pic
lures affect you?"
Eyes, Sedan was warned. and Sedan
FELL" says the deacon as he shakes his
head. but I'd like to hear from Lish Bill
ihgs on this matter"
Its purity late" says Lish.
How purity late?"
''why, Jonas has rented his barn as'in
and got twenty-one deadhead tickets. and
here's one he give me. How's that fur a
p'int?'
The meetin' stood appalled, fur mint,
and says:
Jonas has got twenty tickets left and
that means he has sixteen more to give
away outside his family. Fellow-country-
men. do you take 1t that this meetin'
has pledged herself?
moi mol nor shouted the crowd
The Washington herald., 1914-06-14

Had he failed In business?
Had he lost a dime in the street car?
Had he been advised to wear a wig?
He expected to be asked every min
ute what was troubling him. but Mrs
Bowser put no queries. For a wonder
he did not break 1t himself. He seemed
on the point of doing so a dozen times.
but finally went to bed with the mys-
terry unsolved. 1t remained a mystery
until he arose in the morning and put
on an old suit Of clothes. Then Mrs
Bowser observed:
Il hope you are not going to repaint
the house or anything"
How would you like to go out into the
country today?" he queried.
What for?'
ITO get a breath Of fresh air; to step
foot on the green grass: TO hear the
song of the meadow lark: to pick the
luscious huckleberry fresh from the dew
covered vine.'
Il don't think would care to 20 out
and stroll around the hot fields 1t Is
as hot out In the country as II Is In
town. As for huckleberries, don't be-
lieve there's one within ten miles OF US
Even II there was It wouldn't be grow
ing on a dew-covered vine.'
Perhaps you can teach me how
huckleberries grow?"
Il can IL you think they grow on vines.
I've picked many quarts OF them. They
grow on bushes
Not on your life, Mrs. Bowser! They
grow on vines. You are thinking Of
blackberries."
I'm thinking Of huckleberries and
nothing else. They not only grow on
bushes. but in and around swamps"
do you mean to tell me that I have
lived to the age Of forty-eight without
knowing a huckleberry from a Hubbard
squash? Mrs. Bowser there is a certain
impudence and assurance about you that
provokes me to the limit You were not
big enough &c spell cat when I was
picking huckleberries by the bushel."
well. let 1t go at that. II you want
huckleberries there are plenty in market
I will get some today and make a pie.
There Is no need to wander over terf or
fifteen miles Of country to get a quart OF
the berries"
II have invited you." he said. after a
severe look at her-"I have invited you
to take a day of with me to hear the
meadow lark and SO forth. Incidentally,
we will Gull the huckleberry from the
dew-kissed vine. VIII you go or not?'
II don't think / care to. One is bet
ter on around the house such hot days
rs these. II you are going to stay home
today We w.'' ride around on the open
cars"
Madam. am going to- the country.
want to see some honest grass and
real trees. ! want to hear the songs Of
birds. the hum OF bees and the whispers
Of nature. In addition TO this I have
dreamed Of picking huckleberries for
three nights running, and / am longing
The Washington herald., 1914-06-14
Her aith in Sam

In a little town under the shadow of
the Cumberland Mountains a travelling
Snowman had set up his tent and had
a giant on exhibition. There was no
fraud about the giant He was seven
feet tall and weighed 23o pounds, and
the sight of him was well worth the
price OF admission. I had been in To
gaze on him, and coming out / met a
little old woman about fifty years ,f
age. who was accompanied by a
strapping young man of twenty-thrse
or twenty -four.
"i, the giant in thar asked the
woman.
"Yes'm."
"Reg'lar giant. is he?"
Yes"
rs he bigsern my boy Sam herer'
"oh, yes. Your boy Is only Q child
compared to Kim.
The Washington herald., 1914-06-14

"Oh, ye don't. Den ye hain't been
Matched long, What I'm askin' is do
ye belong to de purfesh?'
do look like a tramp
ITO be honest wid ye, Gully. ye don't.
Ye look more like de man who takes
tickets at de side-show. whore dey ex-
hibit de wild woman Of Borneo. Are ye
down on yer luck?''
Mr.. Bowser drew himself up with freez-
The Washington herald., 1914-06-14

Mr.. Bowser was thoughtful.
At times he sighed.
At times he sat with his gaze fixed on
the picture Of Washington crossing the
Delaware.
Tho cat rubbed against his leg. but
he gave her no more attention than
he would have bestowed upon a grizzly
bear.
A peddler yelled, String Beansr' al
the house twelve times in succession. bu,
Mr.. Bowser didn't bat an eye.
The Washington herald., 1914-06-14

neither pursued nor farmers reappeared.
and the yelps of the dog sounded further
away, he returned to his beef bone and
unused:
Il guess he hain't de man who runs a
sideshow. after all. I guess he's de chap
dat does stunt wild de hyenas, and dat
dey has got de best of him from dis time
onw'
The Washington herald., 1914-06-14

ade and peanuts and whisky and poker
and bein' out late nights. They are like
pizen ivy. You come across it In the
woods, and It is fair to look upon. and II
seems to be rooted in innocence and
thrivin' In morality. You handle 1t, and
you begin to itch and scratch and md
yourself pizened. Like hydra-headed
The Washington herald., 1914-06-14
UNCLE ELI'S FABLES
Taken Out of Cold Storage Only Few Days

i wonder that you lament The less you
get outdoors the fewer corns you will
have on your toes. Taken all in all, you
have nothing to complain of and much to
rejoice over" ---s
MORAL:
Philosophy Is a good thing only when
applied to the other fellow
The Washington herald., 1914-06-14

and I have taken the meat and left you
the fur and bones"
But can't eat fur and bones!"
"Mebbe not; but who said anything
about eating7 l supposed you were out
for the fun Of the thing"
MORAL:
Don't expect to win on the ether mans
game.
The Washington herald., 1914-06-14

sarpint, it lays in wait to work destruc-
ton to the unwary. 4 hope this mee,.n.
and this community air with me and that
it will be decided to wrassle with Jonas
Teachout."
Moses didn't seem to make a Pint on
the peanuts and Lemonade" says the
deacon a. he schatehes his ear. but be
The Washington herald., 1914-06-14

Knowing our weaknesses. We should
conceal them as much as possible.
The Washington herald., 1914-08-16

Clark, and Cliff Howes. The patronesses
were Mrs. Benton G. Ray, Mrs. Ormsby
McCammon, Mrs George Chandler, Mrs
William T. Brown. Mrs. Enos c. Keys
and Mrs. William Wimsatt
Mrs John VI. Heagy left during the
week for Pen Mar. Nd, to spend several
weeks for the benefit OF her health.
Mrs. William NJ. Davis is entertaining
her nieces, Mrs. Julian Meree and Mrs
George ". Gruver. Of Savannah. Ga
Mrs. Forrest ]. Prettyman and children,
of Washington. are visitors at the home
Of Mrs. Z. B. Pretty man here.
Mr.. and Mrs. George VI. Hunter and
a short stay.
Mrs. George c. Lewis left a few days
ago for Vermont TO spend several weeks
visiting relatives.
Mrs. Lewis r. Watson and children
have returned TO Rockville from KinG
George County. Va. where they spent
several weeks visiting relatives
Misses Mary Almoney and Mary Brew
er have returned from Indian River
Del, where they spent two weeks.
Jacob w Fidler. OF st. Louis. Mo-,
spent the week in Rockville as a guest
OF his nephew, John NJ. Heagy.
Miss Evelyn Virginia Kerr. Of Wash
ington. is a visitor at the home of her
aunt. Mrs. Harry E. Stratmeyer, here.
Mr. and Mrs. ]. Gardiner Darby and
little daughter have returned from q
stay of ten days at Atlantic City.
Mr. and Mrs. Dinwiddie ]. Luckett en-
joyed a trip to Boston by sea during
the week
Messrs. Thomas Vinson and Roland
wootton spent the week autOing in the
valley OF Virginia.
Mr.. and Mrs. George G Bradley. jr.
have returned to their home near Poto-
mac from a stay at Atlantic City.
Mr. and Mrs. William E. Viett and
children are spending several weeks al
Colonial Beach. Va
The Washington herald., 1914-08-16
LAUREL.

Mrs. Jay c. Howell Of WASHINGTON.
was the guest this week Of her mother,
Mrs Mary o. Brehme.
Mr.. and Mrs James G. Boss left Tues
day for Boston.
Miss Eliza Crommiller is the guest Of
her sister. Mrs. Hoskat Connor. in In
dianapolis.
Miss Louise Mattingly. of Washington.
who has been visiting friends here, has
returned home.
Mrs. Ellis. OF Washington. was the
guest this week of Mrs. ". ". Bowling,
DR.. Gemmin has returned from a visit
to his family in Pennsylvania.
Mrs. Carl Hardy. Of Annapolis. has been
the guest of her sister. Mrs. T. Watts
Byerly.
Miss Georgia Muby. Of Warrenton. Va.
is the guest Of her cousins, the Misses
Gilbert.
Mr.. and Mrs. John D. CrommiIler have
returned from a weeks stay at Virginia
Beach
Mr.. Oscar Hinrichs. Of Denver, Colo.
was the guest this week Of his aunt. Mrs.
Margaret Stanley.
Mr.. Mitchell. Of Pennsylvania. has been
appointed principal Of the high school
here.
Mrs. W. ". Bowling entertained few
friends at luncheon Wednesday.
Mr.. Kittinger. OF Easton. has accepted
a call to the Presbyterian church here.
Miss Margaret Edmonston and Miss
Claudia Edmonston are staying in Tai
bott County.
Mrs Josephine Crommiller. Of Balti-
more, is the guest of Mrs Clay J. Hal
verson, in Washington avenue.
The Washington herald., 1914-08-16
Mr.. Bonaparte's Blood Stirs

Mr.. Jerome Napoleon Bonaparte. of
washington, and great-great-nephew Of
the first Emperor OF France, according
to the gossip Of Narragansett Pier. is
anxious and ready to enlist in. the French
army. Mr.. Bonaparte is said to find the
chief difficulty in putting his plan in
practice in the opposition of his wife.
whom he married early in the spring.
Immediately upon her securing a divorce
from her former husband. Mr.. and Mrs.
Bonaparte and the latter's two daugh-
ters are occupying a cottage at Nara
gansett Pier for the summer. MIR. Bona
parte. according to his friends, would be
we'll placed in the army, as was his late
father during the Franco-Prussian war
OF forty years ago.
Mr.. Willing Spencer, secretary OF lega-
tion at Caracas, has arrived on leave
Of absence from that post and Joined
his mother, Mrs. John T. Spencer, at
her Newport home.
Mr. William Penn Cresson. formerly OF
the American Embassy in London, and
now secretary of legation at Quito. Ecua-
dor. is expected at the White Sulphur
Springs for the later part of the season.
Mr. Cresson will pass several months in
the United States.
Mrs Henry May. with her two daugh-
tiers, Miss May and Miss Cecilia May,
are reported to have secured passage
from Europe for August 20 and will come
direct to Washington.
Mr.. Wilhelm Won Rath. of the German
embassy staff, whose engagement to Miss
Cecilia May was announced a few weeks
ago, is still in America, but expects TO
leave at the first opportunity for Ger
many to reJoin his regiment.
Washingtonians abroad who have not
been heard from since the breaking out
of the war are Mai. and Mrs. Samuel
Reber and their two children, who are
supposed to be in Switzerland. Mrs.
Reber. who is the only daughter Of Gen.
Nelson A. Miles and a sister of Lieut..
Sherman Miles, military attache at Sofia.
has been abroad for nearly year and
was Joined a few weeks ago by Mai.
Reber, who proposed returning with his
family during the present month.
Mai Gen. Nelson A. Miles is the guest
OF Mr.. and Mrs. Nathan A. Straus, Of
New York, aboard their yacht, the
Sisilina, now cruising along the New Eng
land coast with Newport as its base Of
supplies. Neither Gen. Miles nor his hosts
are alarmed by the reports Of hostile
ships near our coast.
The Washington herald., 1914-08-16

makes her permanent home in New
Haven. Conn. with which city her family
and that OF her late husband have been
Identified for generations.
Miss Velerie Garrard. daughter OF Col.
and Mrs. Joseph Garrard. who was a
belle at Fort Myer a year or two ago,
is now one OF the very popular young
women at Fort Bliss, Tex, where her
father is stationed.
Mr. and Mrs William GlVck. Of the VIII
mington apartment. are spending some
time in Atlantic City.
Miss Rosa Isaac. Of this city. is the
guest OF friends in Asbury Park.
DR.. Harry c. Yarrow is at the Chateau
weeks.
Mr.. Samuel Klamans formerly OF
Washington. now of New York. is spend
ing a few days in the city with friends.
Miss Frances de Krafrt and Mrs. Ar
thur Woods have arrived at Ogonquit.
Me-. for the month of August where
there is a large Washington colony.
Mr.. Allen Samuel of Baltimore. has re-
turned to his home after a short visit to
friends in town.
Washington friends Of Mrs. Dix BoIles,
widow OF the late Lieut. Commander
Bo!les. L. S N, and daughter Of the late
William Carroll, have been notified Of
her death at Portland, Me. on Thursday
Mrs. Bolles was Caroline Anne Carroll,
and like her sister. the Countess Ester
hazy, now residing in Paris was a belle
in Washington society many years ago.
when their parents owned the residence
in and Nineteenth street now occu-
pied by Mr.. and Mrs Adolf c. Miller.
but formerly the home Of the late Chief
Justice Fuller.
Mr.. Ben Solomon has returned to the
city after several weeks spent in Atlantic
City,
Senator O'Gorman has returned to the
White Sulphur Springs to pass the week
end with his family, who are there for
the summer. Mr.. Dudley Field Malone
and Mrs Malone. the latter a daughter
Of the New York Senator, have Joined
the latters party. Senator and Mrs.
o'Gorman will take a house in Washing
ton next winter when their youngest
daughter. Miss Anne O'Gorman will be
among the seasons debutantes
Mr.. and Mrs. l. Goldheim, of this city,
are spending few weeks in Atlantic
City.
Mrs. George Harrison and her daugh-
ter, Miss Leila Harrison, who are pass
ing the summer on the Pacific Coast are
now the guests Of Lieut.. and Mrs. W.
A. Harrison at Fort Flagler. where they
are being extensively entertained
Mrs. Henry Hoffa, OF New York, is
spending a few days in town. the guest
Of relatives.
The Washington herald., 1914-08-16
ALEXANDRIA.

Mr.. and Mrs. George S. French and
daughter have gone to Brevard. \. C..
where they will spend the rest Of the
summer.
Mr.. and Mrs Samuel G. Brent left
Saturday for Atlantic City where they
will spend two weeks.
Mr.. and Mrs. George H. SchwarZmann
Miss Pearl SchwarZmann, Mrs. Lorenzo
Wolford. and Mr. Erwin Schwarzmanr
are touring New Jersey in an automobile
They are now at Wildwood.
Mr.. Robley D. Brumback has returned
from a visit to his father at Luray. Va
Mr.. and Mrs. J. c. Graham are visit.
ing relatives in Pittsburgh, Pa.
Miss Virginia Roxbury has returned
from the University of Virginia, where
she has been for several weeks.
Mr. and Mrs Reginald Purvis Tats-
paugh are spending the weekend al
Norfolk and Virginia Beach.
Mr. and Mrs. Samuel G. Brent have
gone to Atlantic City for two weeks.
Mr.. and Mrs. Keith Carlin have re-
turned from a European trip and are
now guests of Representative and Mrs
Charles c. Carlin, parents of Mr.. Carlin
John G. Graham II, spending ten days
in Atlantic City. Asbury Park. and New
York
F. F. Marbury has gone to Atlantic
City.
Mrs. William F. Roat, accompanied by
her children. has gone to Sharon, Pa
where she will spend a month as the
guest of her uncle. Mr.. John Fahnline
Miss Margaret Virginia Emerson is the
guest Of her brother. Edward Emerson,
Ottawa, Canada.
Miss Kroes Ficklin, OF the Alexandra
High School, has finished her course n
the University of Virginia and returned
to her home in this city.
Mrs. William F Roach and children
and Mrs. Hilman Bayliss have gone tc
Sharon. Pa, to be guests Of Mrs. John
Finland for a month.
Mr.. and Mrs. T Harvey Henshaw. Mr..
and Mrs. Bertram Gay. and Mrs D.
Kirk. of Braddock Heights. Alexandra
County. and Mr.. and Mrs. Reed, OF
Rosemont, have gone in automobiles for
a trip to Atlantic City.
Miss Mary E. Carlin. who has been
at Beverly, Mass, is now at Atlantic
City.
Miss Lottie Larmand. OF Richmond. is
the guest of her cousins, Mrs. w. q.
Mayer and Mrs. A. z. Slaymaker, Brad
dock Heights. Va
DR.. S. B. Moore has returned from
London, where he attended the surgeons
congress.
Jacob Brill, accompanied by his daugh.
ter. Miss Kstheryn, is at Atlantic City.
Mrs E. NJ. Anderson and daughter
Miss Lucy, are spending a few weeks in
Upper Loudoun County.
Robert Zimmerman has gone to the
mountains for two weeks.
Mrs. ]. L. Lowe. of Greensboro. N. c.,
is the guest OF her parents, Mrs. ]. T.
Wells, in Prince street.
Miss Bette Keys is spending her vaca-
ton in Loudoun County, Va.
Miss Annie Potter is visiting relatives
in Fairfax County.
A. J. Pohl. jr., and Lee Pohl. sons OF