Clinch Valley news. [volume] (Jeffersonville, Va.) 18??-2019, 1914-05-08
Temperance Column
Application For License To
Steal Horses.


A most novel, paid advertisement
AN application for license to steal
horses-has appeared recently in the
Coudersport (Pa.) Enterprise. AS re.
ported IN the North American, OF
Philadelphia. it reads:
No. ST. App'''a''0n March Ger lif Tsrm. 1914
"In Re Petition of G. l. Lovegold
for License to Steal Horses.
"Hon. John Fairmind, Judge of
court of quarter sessions of Almost
any county, State of Pennsylvania:
II hereby make application for a
special license TO steal horses. | am
willing to pay literally for the privil-
eye. | am emboldened to make this
application by reason of other special
privileges petitioned for about this
time of the year by other citizens of
good moral character The business
for which they are asking license pro-
duced at least thjee-fourths of all the
crime committed in the county last
year. 1t has filled our borough lock-
ups and the county Jail. 1t has made
our criminal court the most expensive
in the history of the county.
"The business for which | ask a
license | deem less injurious to the
community than the business of SELL
ing Intoxicating liquors either at re-
tail or wholesale.
81. | pledge myself not to take
away the senses of any man nor rob
his purse.
"2. obligate myself not to cause
men to beat their wives, damn their
children into the world, or commit
murder. l only want to steal horses.
"3. If man has soul, which
most men consent to, / promise to
do nothing to destroy this germ of
Immortality, but leave it to its own
moral course. l only want to steal
horses.
"a. furthermore, solemnly prom
Use that if the license is granted l
will not steal horses on Sunday, nor
on election day nor on legal holidays,
nor after ten o'clock at night. l also
solemnly promise not to steal colts,
nor horses that have no sense, nor old
broken down plugs.
"5. Your honor will see the license
| pray for will result in less harm to
liquors. OF course,
may damage the property of few
well-to-do people, but their bodies,
their minds, their regulations and
am above impairing. |
only want to steal their horses.
&c. | would further enforce my ap-
plication by reminding the court that
you can't run the county without the
license fee; that IF don't steal hor-
SEES somebody else will; that all at
tempts to prohibit horse stealing only
results in producing sneaks and liars;
hat Il am n liberal contributor tn
the political jackpot, and that Il con-
troll more votes than most of the 9TH
er applicants for license
81 also call the attention of your
judicial mind to the number and les
oecially) character of those subscrib-
ng to my petition.
TRUSTING you will grant my petit
ion, and this / shall ever pray, etc.
G. 1. LOVEGOLD.
"Bondsmen, Winaland Syne and
Death Trust Company.
attorney, Firm of N. o. Scruples
4 Moore Longgreen.
eve, the undersigned, certify to
the good moral character of the APP
plicant, G. 1. Lovegold, and believe
him to be man fit to be intrusted
with license to steal horses, and
pray the court to grant the license"
Aaton B. Merry, o. Grab Roy,
Crewe l.. Younghusband, Tony Du-
iinsky, (his mark), Barr T. Ender,
Nurse N. Useless, AL Ways treatin,
Kant Evan Wright, Michael Chiril-
ovani, A. Ward Healer, Jostwon Glass
Nick Synkivinkopraz, OK his mark),
Rednows Topper, Wood B. Chrystiun,
A. Boozer.