The Washington herald., 1914-04-08
Statesmen, Real and Near.
Ry PRED G. KELLY.

Only one man In our midst, 30 far as
can be learned. after a diiigent and
painstaking inquiry. has ever found the
huge bunker In his path when he tried
to niblick his way into Congress.
The one man who had to scale or dodge
the United states Marine Band was. or
Is. Charles Martin Borchers. Of Decatur.
III.
Borchers ran for Congress against for
mer Representative william B. McKin-
ley. who was known during his term in
Congress as the Human Christmas Tree
because Of the alacrity with which he
showered food and other high-priced
gifts on his associates. Mckinley felt
that II concerts by the United States
Marine Band would add one whit TO the
sum total of happiness and JOY through
out his district, and increase his chances
OF reelection one jot or little. the least
he could do would be to provide the con-
certs. Being a multimillionaire and be-
ing also the manager Of the Taft Presi-
Dental campaign, he was able to arrange
for the band to shift its field of opera
tions from the District Of Columbia to
Illinois.
Everybody agreed that II was perfectly
lovely Of Mr.. Mckinley TO let the home
folks in on the same music that Is played
for functions at the White House, but
all this was tough on Borchers. His COW
WIS causing him enough handicap. even
without the United States Marine Band
to figure on. and there were days when
he feared he wouldn't reach Congress
at an
There is no animal that Borchers dotes
on as he does on a COW. The COW Is a
patient dumb animal that provides US
with milk and cream and butter. and
sleeps in stables on nests OF straw. while
horses and mules are used more as beasts
OF burden. and from the hen We obtain
nice fresh eggs with which We can make
eggnogs, custard pies and
Well. anyway. Borchers was greatly
attached TO his COW. Up to the time re
entered his campaign for Congress he
had always MIXED the COW with his own
hands. and he took great pride in the |
fact that none but he had performed that |
simple yet consequential chore. No mat |
ter how important a lawsuit had en-
gagged his attention all day he liked to |
go to the barn In the evening and listen |
to the squsz, squsz. squsz, squsz OF the |
warm milk into the large tin pail.
Imagine Int On Iue one |
hand was Mckinley and the United /
States Marine Band making it necessary
for him to campaign vigorously in all |
parts OF the district. or else be lost |
sight of amidst so much musical compe-
titioa. And on the other hand was the
to be done night and morning.
He finally compromised on making a
few quick dashes out over the district,
the milking to his wife, who
also was reared on a farm and could
milk a COW just as well as Borchers
could himself.
And that. by the way. brings US to a
touch of romance. Borchers spent his
Early life as a farm hand and got his
mostly at noon hours while the
olow horses were resting and masticat-
ng their oats. In the autumn he useS
10 go about from one farm to another
md hire out to assist in husking the
golden corn. The last place he ever did
'orn husking was at a farm where there
we're six attractive young daughters in
he family. Borchers was particularly
impressed by one OF these and he used
o follow her about and engage her I'M
while watching the deft
manner in which she MIXED the cows.
When the time came for him to be sepa-
ated from his COW TO campaign for Con-
IEtSs, DOICntTs tnOuknI OF lnOSe carrier
ays, and he felt that his wife was the
ne person to whom he could intrust the
milking.
Since reaching Washington Borchers
Ias had to face another trying situation
nd has been compelled to change the
tyle of his mustache as a possible solu-
ion OF his troubles.
He and James Wickersham. delegate to
congress from Alaska. are almost exact
oubles. Both have-or did have-short
title stubby mustaches. g heavy coat
ne of hair and a similar arrangement {
4 facial features. They are exactly {
he same height and weight, and one l
an scarcely tell them apart. even though !
is about twelve years the
lder. 4 few weeks ago. Wickersham de- q
Vered vigorous speech in support Of
he 2. oIosition for a government railroad /
4 Alaska. The speech made 4 strong s
Impression. but scarcely a word of con- c
did he receive. Everybody I
howered the congratulations on Borch- I
RS who was unable to get anything done '
Or day or two but devote himself to
Nplaining that he Is not Wickersham
ut Borchers. If he walks along the I
treet. he cannot proceed far until some 4
ody stops him to discuss the situation a
! Alaska. The Alaskan Territory has
ecome such a nuisance to him that he 9
airly hates the place. (
Wickersham Similarly wastes a lot OF U
me conveying assurance TO people that u
e is not BorChers L
One day recently the two met to see L
hat could be done in the way of arbit-
ation. Both agreed that. come what '
lay. they will never forsake the high 5
r!nciples that have actuated them thus p
ir In life So il was no use to talk any II
irther about either one raising side q
hiskers. Inasmuch as wickersham was q
ERE first. 1t was conceded to be no more h
ian fair that Borchers should make h
ost of the facial sacrifices. So Borch-
8 Is going to let his mustache grow a
two or three times its normal size v
the hope that It will end the con- c.
ision. II necessary he may let it grow Il
ltil he has long dropping circus-pro-
'ietor-mustache like that worn by Sem "
or Walsh. OF Montana. L"
opyrisht. 1914. by Fred C Kelly. All rvbt, ic
reserTed.) cl