The daily Alaskan., 1914-05-13
Some Breaches of Promise By M QUAD Copyright, 1914, by Associated LiE- erary Press.

Hiram SpoOner was the hOmeliest baby ever born in the state of Ohio.
 When Hiram was ten years old he was the homeliest boy in any two states in this Union. At twenty-ona he had the face of babOon. ......
 One day, after looking at him a long time. his father said 10 him:
 Hiram, what in thunder is going to become of you anyhow"
 'Tm thinking it over" was the reply.
 After thinking things over for awhile and having a very serious talk with a fruit tree agent Hiram announced one Monday morning that he had mapped out a career for himself, and half an hour later he drove away from the farm with a hired horse and buggy.
 Within a radius of ten miles were twenty-thrce widows. Fifteen had been made such on one and the same day by the falling of q highway bridge. Not one of the women was poor, while some had bank accounts. All had seen Hiram SpoOncr several tines over. Hiram had prepared a list, and he began his calls according to card system. As be drove up to a house he wriggIed out of his buggy and wrig- gled along to the door, and when it was opened to him and he was invited in he began:
 .Wiaow Blank, l am trying to do something to make a living. Did you . know that you can grow two crops of the Oklahoma cuCumberY"
 No. ! never heard of it."
 "I sent and got some Of the seeds. Here they are. shall charge you but little more than for the ordinary seeds, and you can have two crops In place of one"
 "WcI I will buy them to help you along"
 "Thal is kind of you. I need money, but there are times when l fairly long for word of sympathy"
 "I know you must, and for years have wanted to tell you how very, very sorry ! was aud am. There Is no one in the world ! pity as l do you. IT . you have anything else to sell bring it here"
 ! Hiram had tears in his eyes as he loft rhp house, but before climbing . into his buggy he took out bis mem oraudum book and made some entries under The proper date
 II took ever thirty days for him to . get aryIn1 Co the last widow, but he 1 finished lis business in good shape. l Half a dozen times his father had de maadcd:
 See here. boy, what kind of a game . acc you I'D to with the widows?"
 I'm picking out the best of the lot . to propose to-" was always the reply. . Soon as the last widow had bought some Oklahoma cucumber seeds to help . Hiram Spo0ner along with his lUudable . ambitions and to raise a double crop of cucumber pickles the first one call pi ou received a note from Hiram. It stated that his heart had been deep . ly touched by her kind words and, be- ing sure in his own mind that it was a c.se uI love at first sight with both of them. Inc had decided to accept her .. generous offer and hoped that 1t would he u0 suerrlce on her Dart AT what datr should the wedding take place? Was the bcuothal to be announced ar once or later on? What minister did she prefer: How many and what guests should be invited?
 The widow read the note over the first time with wonder. The second |. time snc was amazed, and the third she g1spcd out:
 "Why, what can the crazy donkey meau:"
 The widow sat down and wrote note rcpudiuting everything, even te the Oklahoma cucumber seeds. These seeds had been fed to the chickens just before the note was written.
 Hiram came back with a written statement that she had deceived him and crushed his young and crippled heart. She had led him to believe that she loved him. and in return he had given her all his affections. To be . thrown down now would be a blow that he could never get over, No mon ey could ever heal his feelings, but she ! must rcGuite him to an extent as 1 moral lesson to her not to fool with the hearts Of the male sex.
 The negotiations consumed two weeks. and the widow paid over to 1 Hiram $500 rather than go into court lis little game was worked on every single one of the widows. From some he got as much as $500 and from Oth- CTS only a single hundred.
 Not until the very last did Hiram's father understand what he had been |. up lo. and then he indignantly eI- claimed:
 "I ortcr to turn you outdoors or set the law on you"
 "Gut you won't. It has long pained mc ,o see you working away on this stony oll farm and not coming out $25 a year ahead of the game" And I've had a useless son to sup , port- growIed the father.
 But useless no longer. l hereby of fer you $I50O for the old farm, and . . ,..t- ..rrr h4 my hfroT mon oF cpO g