Grand Forks daily herald and the evening times., 1914-08-01
Laugh With U.

Fourth I always think Of the story
ABOUT Joseph Cannon when he visited
the school of a town where he was
billed to speak and was entertained
by an exhibition Of amateur oratory,
the selection being THE Battle OF
Waterloo"
just as the boy reached the end OF
the first paragraph Speaker Cannon
suddenly gave vent to a violent
sneeze.
but hush! Hark!'" detained the
youngster. GA deep sound strikea
the rising knell! Did you hear it q
The visitors smiled and a moment
later the second sneeze came with in
creased VIOLENCE.
But hark!," bawled the boy;
before! Arm! Arm! It is the can
mons opening roar!'"
This was too much and the laugh
that broke from the party swelled to
a scream when Uncle Joe chuckled,
"Put up your weapons, children: l
won't shoot any more."-Woman's
Home Companion.
On occasion a woman said to
Whistler, the artist:
II just came UP from the country
this morning along the Thames. and
there was an exquisite haze in the at
mosphere which reminded me 40
much of some Of your little things.
1t was really a perfect series Of Whist
lers."
Yes, madam" responded Whistler
gravely. Mature Is creeping up"
An Uncle Toms Cabin" company
was starting to parade in a small New
England town when a big gander from
a farmyard. near at hand waddled to
the middle of the street and began to
hiss.
One Of the doub}e-in-brass actors
exclaimed:
Don't be so dern quick to jump at
conclusions. Wait till you see the
show
The late Cy Warman, who deserted
railway literature for a real railway
job in Montreal. told this story at. a
luncheon not long before his death:
A Scotchman anne upon an auto
mobile overturned at a railway cross
ing. Beside 1t lay a man all smash
ed up.
Get a DOCTOR" he moaned.
Did the train hit you?" asked the
scotchman.
yes, yes; get a doctor" .
yet?"
mo. no; please get a DOCTOR"
Move over, you," said the Scot,
till I lie down beside you"
A member of the Providence bar
one day met an able and conscientious
judge on the street and said to him
fy 0an i1y60A thot thu aJJrNn~on
court has overruled you in the case
of A. vs.. 2. but you need feel no con-
Germ about your reputation"
mo, indeed answered the Judge
complacently; II don't. I'm only con-
cerned about the reputation Of the
supreme court."-Lippincott's.
Pat had just arrived from the EN-
erald Isle and he was feeling very
since 4 o'clock last evening, and it
was now 8 o'clock in the morning. So
he went into a restaurant close by and
asked the waiter how much he would
charge him for breakfast.
"A quarter replied the waiter.
"Well, how muchgwill We charge me
for by dinner"' said Pat.
"Thirty-fve cents" replied the
waiter.
WELL, ~Iidt Will y8 CudJ q INC IOI
my supper, then?"
Twenty cents,' was the reply.
Then, II We please, will ye give me
my support" said Fat.
The ferrynan, while plying over a
water which was only slightly agi-
tated, was asked by a timid lady in
his boat whether any persons were
ever lost in that river.
ffrL 49, .NiI r--.+H efrTY- L.# yuv.
finds 'em again the next day"
A party of automobilists were teuf-
ing and day found that their des-
tination compelled them to dine at a
hotel which was not one of their
ideals" However, they decided to
make the best Of II and proceeded to
the dining o AZ the second
course Of the dinner was served, one
of the diners called the waiter and
said:
What is this leathery stuM7"
THAT Is a hlet Of sole, sor,' replied
the waiter.
"rake 1t away" said the guest. att
er attacking It with his fork, land
see If you can't get nae . aice.. tender
piece of the upper, with the buttons
removed."-Harper's Magasine.
II jack OF eli IFdQes curing Iii
ages has been the butt Of the patirist.
The following story illustrates the ia
tai propensity to cover too much
ground at the same time:
Little Willie's father presented him
upon one occasion with q pet chance
ieon-one Of those diplomatic little
animals that change their color A. the
occasion may require. Willie was
very much interested In his pct for
several days until one evening his IA
ther noticed that he was sitting alone
with a faraWay look, In his eyes.
We'll, Wilife," sid his father,
."what did yen dc With the chame-
leen7"
He is gone, father-forever..
yes. I tried to play : new game
What kind Of . 9eshe, Villisfe
We'll. ! put him On . biuA aad he.
turned blue. / put him On = green
and he turned sfeen.aI put him On .
req ana HI turned red ana then
What happened then, Willie 2"
7 put him on q plaid and no bust
.ed himself trylpE e 49, sosds.,
aeE#tl 4Ial E.fsHeas