davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1914-07-05
manuscript.

manuscript. The Observer glanced ner-
vousiy over his shoulder. The Editors
Joy made the Observer feel that 1t was
his manuscript that had Just been
MANNED
BUY me some peanuts and cracker
Jacks" urged the Editor. sticking in some
useless punctuation. Il don't care II 1
never come back
'-Crackerjacks and back" remarked the
Observer. coldly do not rhyme. You
used don't and never which is double
negative. Also you are singing in three
keys at the same time. Students of music
have established the principle Of CONT
nuity in melody by insisting that a singer
remain on the key for at least two-fifths
Of a second at time
-
But the Editor refused to be DISCOURAGED
He concluded his song triumphantly, while
the Office boy fed to the composing room
and hid behind linotype machine
Finally the Editor spoke:
I'VE are going to the game this after
noon" he announced. The Observer
looked hopeful.
Did YOU set passes?" he inquired.
No" said the Editor. IT got one pass
You can pay your way"
Il can" said the Observer. shortly, "but
I won't"
Would YOU use my pass?" inquired the
Editor. His tone indicated that an unjust
advantage was being taken of him.
Il. said the Observer, lam supposed
to go on business. to tell what see. while
You will go for the single purpose of
bawling out the umpire and swilling that
soapy stuff they call ginger ale"
4 never drank ginger ale in my lfe,"
said the Editor, with dignity.
After the Observer had agreed that the
Editor had never tasted ginger ale. that
official unbent slightly and tackled the
sporting editor for another pass. He got
1t. That is one of the reasons why 1t
pays to be an editor. If there is anything
loose around the office. You get 1t.
If anybody had said earlier in the day
that the whole town had gone base ball
crazy the Observer would have been In
position to deny it. He could have taken
the stand in court and stated that thou
sands of sane, sober citizens were on
their way to work. 1t must have been
those passes-possibly 1t was the editors
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1914-07-05

him around to the other side of the
grandstand where he can keep off my
feet. 1 amt going to stand for his fool
ishness. and ] amt going to have my
afternoon spoiled"
Now you may understand. vaguely. why
it is that vox popui is not an ardent ad-
mirer of the soda pop boy.
The most confirmed optimist on earth
next to the man who has speaking &C
.quaintance with a United States senator
is the individual who can remember the
first names of base ball players One OF
these optimists sat behind the Observer
He did not believe in hiding his light I'M
der a bushel He spoke right out and
every time he spoke he leaned over and
shouted in the Observers ear It was
an even bet whether cauifower ca.
would precede a ruptured tympanum OF
vice versa. That the players didn't show
names, discouraged this fan not a whit
oh you. Ed,' he would baWl ..hit 'er
out. boy! Hit 'er outr'
Ed did not hit her out He swung three
times and then went and took a refresh
ing drink of water out of the bucket
Come on, Zeke." beloved the man
who knew them all, you kin make sec
ond while that big boob is winding up.
You kin do it, Zeke"
Zeke tried, and was thrown out bv an
proximately ten feet.
Good Try Zeke" ENCOURAGED the nor
sonaI friend.
While the teams were changing posi-
tons he addressed the grandstand gen
orally.
Great iii fellers," he observed. Great
III team I know most Of them BOYS.
See EN- at the hotel frequent"
Only once did he gain recognition A
substitute runner had been put on base.
The shortstop of the local team was
standing almost in front of him with his
back resting against the lower tier of
boxes as he conversed, momentariIy
with the manager.
oh, George" beloved the Man Who
Knew Them All. who is that Teller
that's on base?"
George shouted. in the direction of the
voice. that it was Smith.
The Man Who Knew Them All fairly
glowed with pride when the. answer
reached him.
They all know me-" he said. COM
placently.
The Observer is not a malicious fndi-
vidual He does not rejoice, particularly,
at the downfall of his fellow-man But
the unofficial manager Of the team who
sat in a box in front OF him and smoked
stogies that smelt like a tannery in warm
weather. had something coming to him.
He was the Man Who Could Manage
the Team. He had a hybrid look. some
thing like a three-card monte player.
thing like a three card monte player
Throughout the game he had been point
ing out the things which should be done.
So in the seventh inning the manager
did what he had been urging, which was
to take out the pitcher, who had been
going steadily. and put In a pinch hit
ter.
That's the stuff." said the Man Who
Could Manage. now we'll get a little
start
There were three men on bases. Two
runs were needed to tie the score, Two
men were out. The situation was ideal.
The pinch hitter stepped up to the plate
and alarmed the lady fans by indicating
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1914-07-05

eaters scattered on them, like the gentle
dew from heaven. don't hold 1t against
the peanut boy. They say:
We'll, he's a good kid. 1t isn't his
fault that people can't eat peanuts
without making the grandstand look like
the ruins of Messina."
1t is the peanut boys unerr1ng throw
ing that wins him this distinction. this
dexterty is at premium his efforts must
be acknowledged.
He takes a bag of peanuts from his
basket as he walks along in front of the
fat man arises excitedly and screams.
Hay, boy!" he bellows OF course, he
doesn't want hay. He wants peanuts
But he calls for hay. just the same The
peanut boy looks up indifferently.
Hay. boy"' continues the vegetarian.
and a shining nickel is tossed downward.
Then the boy comes into action. The
right hand. holding the bag of peanuts.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1914-07-05

were in excellent health and there
wasn't a man on the supreme court bench
with even a bad cold. There wasn't
even a trusteeship on an asylum board
vacant for me to practice on OF
course I could have declared martial
law and ordered out the militia. but
couldn't get up any plausible dis
turbance in just one hour. 1 might
have pardoned a few murderers out
of the penitentiary. but some straight
laced Puritans would have miscon-
strued the innocence of my motive.
so / had to be content with putting
my feet on the governors desk and
signing a couple of commissions for
Justices of the peace-and let my only
term as governor of great state go
at that I guess it was all right as it
was, however; it was an awfully hot
day and, as Henry Clay said I'd
rather be cool than governor
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1914-07-05

tradition. He had some bicycle checks
and he religiously ask everybody-auto-
mobilists, pedestrians and street-carists-
if they didn't want their bikes checked.
You could see that the age of progress
had affected his mind and he was not
safe. The Editor said his intelligence was
so marked (by comparison with some peo-
pie he knew that he was going to hire
him to do feature writing. The Observer
did not inquire what the Editor meant
Inside the ground was that ominous,
swelling roar. from pavilion, grandstand.
box and bleacher seat-a steady, insistant
rumbling that is usually associated with
lynchings and street parades. Row after
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1914-07-05

"HE idea of a moving picture annex
struck the Department of Agricul-
= ture officials some time ago. Whei
the primal idea was to get pictures oil
stretches of road to use in demonstra-
tons. Since then. pictures have been
taken of the boy corn growers. of demon
STATIONS in canning and the like, and now
they are preparing to take picture OF
a seed terminating which will necessitate
the use of the movie cameras for forty
eight hours.
The men operating the cameras are ex-
perts All of them have served previously
with the big film companies. and, as one
official said of them, they can take a
picture of an earthquake and volcano in
action at the same time ana not once
forget to turn the crank at so many revo-
lutions minute" Their nerve has been
tested out on several occasions.
Not long ago one of the operators de-
cided, in conjunction with other work
here, to photograph some of the animals
at the Zoo. His first selection was one of
the polar bears. Placing his camera be-
tween the bars. so that there was appar-
emily nothing between him and the ami
NAL the operator started to turn the
crank 1t took the polar bear about fff-
teen seconds to decide that he did not
want the glazing limelight of publicity
turned on him. With wild snort he
Ieaped into the pool and began to swim
toward the camera. AS soon as he got
close enough to give the affair a personal
tinge the camera man grabbed his ma
chine and fed, leaving the bear in a state
of stupefied establishment
Next the operator went to the cage
of an old. dignified and short-tempered
lion which was trying earnestly to sleep.
The clack of the moving picture machine,
continuing with steady insistence. slowly
aroused him from his siesta. Stretching
himself lazily, he arose and with his
great head turned slightly sideways stared
steadily at the camera and the movie
man behind it.
Like the polar bear. the lion had no
rsa for cameras He was a conserva-
tive lion. After a while his lips drew
hack in a great smart. and.- like flash
he leaned at the movie man, with his
mighty claws outspread. If the movie
man had been quick when he lodged
The nolar bear he was like lightning
now. When the lion thudded heavily
against the bars of the cage the movie
man was already at safe distance
from him.
Some days later they decided to give
an exhibition of the pictures taken at
the Zoo for the benefit of few Off
Gals in the department. 1t was sort
of frst-night performance. Foot after
foot of the reel was run off, and the
officials gazed with the bored toler-
ance of a veteran dramatic critic.
Then, of a sudden, they bounded out
of their seats. They gazed at one
another in awe-stricken silence. They
were the amazed spectators to the
greatest nature fake of the country.
They beheld a huge lion glowering at
them with menacing eyes. They saw
it's lips draw back with a deadly, ma
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1914-07-05

is drawn back and flashes forward again
with a swift underhand motion. The
bag describes a magnificent parabola-
1t reminds you of the firing on Vera
Cruz in 1913. as illustrated by old prints.
If the purchaser has a grain of ability
and agility he will catch the bag in his
hands If not he will catch it with his
vest. One thing is certain--it will hit
him: nobody else will get his peanuts.
In the bright lexicon of the peanut boy
there is no such word as miss.
The Observer watched him chuck twen-
ty bags of peanuts at avid fans. He did
not give a base on balls or make wild
pitch in those twenty Shots and only
one bag broke GEOGRAPHICALLY because
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1914-07-05
Mosquito Fines.

Representative T. J.
Scully of New Jer-
sey is proud Of his
state. Recently at a
m e e t ! n & of the
rivers and harbors
committee a cele-
brated English en-
gineer spoke before
the body. detailing
the newest methods
in sanitation in
Egypt and stating
that the mosquito
had been so COM
pletely eradicated
that 1t would be al
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1914-07-05

singing. Anyhow. within the hour there
came great change
On the way to the ball park the cars
were packed with the patient, perspiring
proletariat Some of them had seats
Others were sitting upon those who had
seats Still others stood And the re-
mainder were tastefully draped on the
running boards. the COW catcher, the
brakeman's platform and other points OF
vantage.
Occasionally the car would stop sud
denly and a prominent citizen would get
eff. He would not intend to get off. But
he would lose his hold on the car and
get off just the same-usually hitting the
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1914-07-05

pavement with the upper part Of his vest
and his chin.
These minor accidents only added to
the spirit of festive cheer. And, besides.
the other fans knew that the eminent
citizen, if not seriously hurt, could catch
the next car. and if he was seriously hurt
the ball park was no place for him.
How the days have changed! 1t was
only little while ago that the Observer
sat in the bleachers; it seems like yes
terday. Yet the changes. the ravages OF
time made it seem a century ago
Where were the boys who checked your
bicycle; always giving you the wrong
check and offering you rusted wreck
with a fiat tire in exchange for the new
wheel you hal left with them?
There was one old man who stuck to
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1914-07-05
The Anti-Type.

sc HOW me an anti-sunrsgette. ana
~ I'll show you a woman Of the Mrs.
Mallory type" said Mrs. o. H. P. Bel
mont. at a luncheon in New York.
"A suffragist slum worker visited Mrs
Mallory in her wretched East Side homo.
While Mrs. Mallory bent over her wash
tub-she was a washerwoman by trade
and while three small Mallories sprawled
at her feet, she talked with contempt
Of the English militants. What women
wanted to vote for Mrs. Mallory couldn't
see. 1t unsexes EN- she said.
THE talk turned then to Mrs. NAL
lory's home troubles. and the visitor
asked: ~
Does your husband drink regularlyr
Nom the antimeekly replied. Ny
wages amt steady" s-.- -
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1914-07-05
most impossible

most 1mpossIbIe 70 ind one in that
country.
In fact" the engineer concluded, 80
rare now is this insect that any per-
son found with a mosquito on him is
obliged to pay fine of IL shillines.'
Scully looked thoughtful, took u,
his pencil and covered a page of a pad
with figures.
Well" he sighed at last, looking
up. Il was just figuring out If that
fine were levied in my district how
many thousands my constituents would
have to pay
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1914-07-05
A Short Term.

Public men have
often boosted their
long terms of Office
in some high posi-
ton; it re m a l n s
f or Representative
George NJ. Young.
at present repre-
s g n I a We from
North Dakota. to
bear the u n I q u Q
honor of having
been governor of a
sovereign state of
the Union for the
shortest space of
time that any man
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1914-07-05
"T00 Much Johnson"
REPRESENTATIVE AL

r. 49, ~ - III
bert johnson of
Washington is not
a native of that
state. On the con-
trary. he Is a south
ern boy and as a
young man was a
newspaper man at the
nations capital: but
he went west in
that business and
fell from grace. He
has now been in
politics for several
years. There is still
a chance. however,
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1914-07-05
@aTtlQ Old Ball (16amaS

HEN the Observer
entered tho once
the Editor was ding
ing-at least he
thought he was
singing.
Take mo out to
the ball game
carolsd the Editor.
as he lightly slash
9 d his Pc n ell
through three-quar-
tiers OF a page OF
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1914-07-05

"Ballr' said the umpire. ..,.--.-s 2.
Imp Of perditon. may you burn =
thousand years in the Internal regfonsr'
cried two Braxilians in their native
sentiments, only more directly.
The catcher turned to the umpire. You
could see he was pleading with him as
. friend ana brother not to make An
The next effort Of the pitcher Was also
called ball. This time the pitcher went
on the chautauqua circuit with the catch
er. The inf1eld aided with such comments
on the umpire's eyesisht and failing mind
as happened to occur to them. The bleach
ers sounded like the beginning of a fox
hunt
The third time the umpire spoke tthis
was after he had put one Of the inheidera
and coach or the feld), he called .
strike on the batter. But he did IL re-
gretfully- You could see that he would
rather have called 1t ball and gotten
one more grand rise out OF the fans. The
game wound up In an exciting rally. The
home team won.
As the crowd poured out Of the Gates
the Editor spoke. He was thoroughly
happy. During the four innings he had
kept score he had recorded thirty-nins
put-outs and forty-two assists. The fact
that You can only have twenty-seven put
outs in a nine-inning game did not worry
him. He said he understood the score
and after All that was the main object
Did you think much of the gamsrs
asked the Editor.
Greatest exercise in the world" re-
piled the Observer enthusiastically
''Wha-a-at?' The Editor peered at the
Observer. seeking signs of a fai,ine
mind
Sure" said the Observer, there
wasn't man in that crowd who didn't
get more exercise than the whole bunch
on the field put together"
Two English tourists preceded the OBJ
server and the Editor out of the gate
way. They were yawning. Said the
first:
''Rawther interesting. But simple. Lit.
low, is TO aim at the ball and strike
quickly. Something like the round arm
swing in cricket, y'know.'
Vas" assented the other. ''whereu
We go for tea?''
Did you say exercise?" asked the Ed.
tor sternly.
Il meant on an average" explained the
Observer. You toiled enough over that
score of yours to give those Englishmen
and yourself an average Of ass In the
exercise league"
You know nothing Of the game" re-
piled the Editor crushingly.
That Is probably true. But the Obser-
yer will insist to his dying day that the
greatest thing about a ball game is the
fan. BOBRIE HILL
the crank for a short time and than
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1914-07-05
Wilson's Double.

Representative ].
c. Mckenzie OF Hi
nois comes of the
clan of that name
in S c o IL a n d his
father having come
to It's country from
the land of cakes.
His clean cut, an
gular face is an ex-
act reproduction of
that of the Presi-
dent. and as a con-
sequence he has
b e e n frequently
mistaken for Mr..
Wilson.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1914-07-05
Odd Jobs for ssM@vi@ Mem
of Agricultural Department

levolent snarl, saw it crouch for a
spring straight for them. There came
was seen swimming toward them in a
pool of water. The movie man had
kept his nerve while he was taking
the pictures. but he had pasted the
wrong sections of film together.
That is only one of the incidents OF
the Department of Agriculture's movie
men. Recently the department, with
the aid of an automobile, a moving
picture camera. two assistants and an
operator. vas depicting a stretch of
road which was ultimately to be
thrown on the screen and labeled par
ticularly bad
Nobody could deny that it was a
bad road. Both of the assistants were
needed to keep the camera from Jump
ing out of the car, and the moving
picture operator. who was standing on
rear seat, maintained a position
which would have led any reasonable
betting man to offer s to / he would
break his neck before he finished his
picture.
The picture had reached the bottom
of one hill and was bumpily, logged
ly climbing toward the next crest.
when suddenly there came a loud
crash from peyono the second MIL Inc
men beheld a farmers four-horse
team, which looked to be about as big
as house. bearing down on them.
Those men We're men of action-that
is. they all were except the moving pic
ture operator. He was petrified by the
SloriousneSs of his opportunity. He
stayed and cranked after his brethren
had ieaped from the stalled car-which.
fortunately, had been drawn to the side
OF the roaG-and were shouting good
advice to the horses from a safe dis
lance.
Those who witnessed the passing
parade declare that it was only by
supreme miracle that the movie man
Was not killed. The four horses were
lunging and plunging like chariot racers
and the wagon Travelled most of the dis
.ance on one wheel!
subsequently the picture was shown
with its full dramatic conclusion and
there was not a spectator who did not
freely admit that for the time being at
least it was about the worst stretch of
road in the whole United States.
On another occasion the movie man
took a picture of an ostrich, the de-
partment's idea being that 1t could be
shown later in regions suitable for os-
trich farming. The operator started in
on the picture in fine shape. but, unfor-
tunately, the glitter of the camera
lens caught the ostrich's rowing eye.
Faunal naturalists have stated that an
ostrich has less use for anything that
glitters than any other thing in crea-
ton. And they also have stated that
there are mighty few things an ostrich
Will not eat
The bird made a dash at the camera
and the movie man. and, without stop
ping to explain that he was the Of
fetal representative of great and
powerful government. the latter ran.
He did not hurry back, either. But he
saved his camera.
From thrillers like these to the ger
minating seed photograph seems quite
jump. But the departments movie
men will soon attempt it. The men
win be arranged in shifts around one
lonesome melon seed. They will turn
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1914-07-05

When last seen the specimen was in
sisting, with tears in his eyes that his
raincheck should be cashed inasmuch "a
he had not seen one inning Of the game.
He had spent four innings trying to find
his seat.
You tell 1t to the disk serjent," urged
the policeman, as he propped the weak
brother up against a lamppost 'Ofve no
patience wit yez. Ye've spilled me whole
day."
Now the Observer may be wrong, but
he is convinced that umpiree take a keen
delight in hearing the crowd howl at
them phychologically this is based on
the well known human trait that makes
a small child delight in poking an en-
ragged leopard with a long stick-provid-
ing of course, the leopard is behind bars.
The umpire in these days is quite as
safe as any leopard in captivity The po-
lice are with him. If It comes to show
down the players will protect him from
the bleacherites.
Every time the Observer had occasion
to bark at a decision-which was when
ever the home team lost a close decision
the umpire strained his voice and got
little extra volume into the cry: "Yurrrr-
rrrrrrrrrouti'
There was moment Of interest in the
fifth inning
The home pitcher got the ball across
the plate.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1914-07-05

the crank for a short time and then
wait for fifteen minutes. Then they
will give a few more turns and again
will come a short wait. Thus for two
days and nights they will toll until the
seed has sprouted.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1914-07-05

infancy and believing in its reptilian AZ
fectons. is suddenly bitten by Il.
VIVA choo talkin' about?' faltered the
chronic knocker. "Morgue and hospitals
and all that rough stun. didn't say
nothing about morgues. did r.
The Observer explained that he was
only trying to find out why the chronic
knocker was there.
Because wanta be here" replied the
chronic knocker, petulantly.
And with that remark he relapsed into
morbid. dyspeptic thought and left the
Observer to make the best Of his reply.
He did not say what there was about
the ball park that enthralled him. Ger
tainly it was not the playing. 1t may
have been the way that the soda pop boy
stood on other peoples feet.
At every ball game there is invariably
some young man who has lunched too
well and has come out to get the cool air.
The game. for him, fs secondary con-
sideration. Usually he sleeps through the
early innings and complains bitterly when
the cheering disturbs his rest
This type is infrequent; but interesting
oh, very interesting. One Of these speci-
mems lost his way In the grandstand
Bets We're made as to where he would ui-
timately land-whether he would fall on
the back of the stand or slump down one
of the aisles- All OF the bets were called
off when a policeman OF unsympathetic
nature, who was ruffied at having his at
tention called from the game, took the
specimen in charge and led him to the
nearest place from which he could call
a patrol.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1914-07-05

For the peanut boy the crowd had a
deep and abiding affection. Even those
who have the shells of adjacent peanut
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1914-07-05

pavement with the upper part Of his vest