davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1914-06-21
Winner of IS Prize
PUTTING ONE OVER

By ]. B. Sumwalt of Baltimore

HAD been on the road for year or more
with Indifferent success. l got place
with good house dealing in mems furnish
ings. I stopped one night in small but
prosperous town, and met number of sales
men whom knew.
One of them said, "Jim, you go uptown
and tackle Blank, and if you sell him, you
are genius" He added that Blank had the
largest business in the town, but always
bought direct.
The first thing in the morning called,
and found Blank behind the collar counter.
He spoke very pleasantly. l bought some
collars, and remarked about the weather.
Then, seeing fine fishing rod that he was
adjusting, admired it and talked fishing to
him, drawing from my imagination and
hearsay. found him interested; so we
talked for at least an hour, when I asked his
pardon for taking up SO much of his time.
As was bidding him goodby he said:
Il thought you were a salesman when you
came in
looked at him for moment, and said,
well, what do you think of me? shouldn't
like my house to hear of this They would
surely think / was travelling for my health
and carrying their goods as side line; but
l got so interested in your fishing expert
ences that I forgot all about my business.
Now, won't you let me show you my sam
p1es?"
"Well,' he said, II buy my goods direct;
but bring your samples up, and l will look
at them
got fine order, and sold him on every
trip. Later on he took me fishing one day, and
as | was struggling with my tackle he said:
II believe you put one over on me. You
talked fishing to me for an hour the first
time l met you, and now find you don't
even know how to bait hook
This is the last of the Tales from the Road.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1914-06-21

satire was good idea. You see, we figured
that the audience would catch onto our bur-
lesque in second and would laugh at the
burlesque. We searched around and OBJ
tanned dozen jokes of the vintage of 1860
and earlier and rehearsed them.
The opening night came, and with it our
scene We began. And it was not ten Sec
onds before we discovered to our astonish-
ment that the audience was laughing not at
our joke burlesque or joke satire, as we had
intended, but actually at the jokes them
selves. The audience did not perceive the
burlesque in the thing. 1t was laughing
heartily at what, to it, was good jokes.
That scene, during long engagement,
scored the biggest laughs ever recorded on
Broadway, and only because the old jokes
seemed new to the audiences. One in par
ticular invariably made the house scream
with mirth. l would ask Bulger, why is
joke out of an almanac bearing the date of
February, 1871. Bulger would reply, did
you say tomayto or tomahtoe" The audi
ence would start laughing. l would repeat
the query. Cawthorn would answer, Gan
old maid is like a tomato because you can't
get anyone to-mate-her." Here the audi
ence would regularly scream with joy. mo,
you're wrong l would remark, and then
repeat the question. Bulger would scratch
his head. u knowl" he would finally ex-
claim. Because if you try to shake her she
will always ketch-up!" And at this point
the audience would literally double up.
Therefore, although l am not an author
ity on the subject, believe it to be quite
possible that the Legitimate" must have its
rules for laugh getting even as my own field
of vaudeville has. The first rule undoubt-
eddy is, Always crack old. jokes!
THE secrets of vaudeville, however, are
l not limited to the question of laughs.
As vaudeville must indulge in sentiment as
well as smiles, the science of the business
must concern itself with heart-touching as
well. Here, then, is an expose of some Of the
devices that will always touch vaudeville
audience and make it "feel sorry:
/. Any pathetic reference to mother
9 The sound of church chimes.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1914-06-21

bounded from his chair, sputtering, eyes
swapping, with a sweeping motion of his
hand in the direction of heavy inkwell.
For second thought he was going to fling
it at me; but speech came to his relief, and he
launched out on the widest TRADE l ever
listened to.
stood my ground, trying to get in word
to pacify him. Apparently he neither heard
nor cared. Every bit of vituperation in the
language he hurled at my firm. Before he
had half finished realized that it was regu-
lar feud Clark had steered me into, and was
sore clear through. As Meyers finished up by
becoming personal in his abuse it was the last
straw; for had always maintained that
salesman didn't have to stand any insults.
When he stopped was in such a towering
rage that l couldn't control myself Realiz-
ing nv trip was lost cause and bursting to
get even, / started in and told him some
things about himself and all the miserable
men of his ilk, winding up as if by inspira-
ton with the statement that had l known
what he was it would have been freezing in
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1914-06-21

Continued from page =.

Continued from page 5
8. A sentimental reference to Christmas
Eve.
4. A moonlight effect on snowy night
5. A sketch in which someone is kind to
a little crippled lad
q. An old man smoking his pipe and falling
to sleep IN front of fireplace.
z. That part of an act in which little girl
goes to sleep with her pet dog lying beside her
8. A point in a sketch where child ap-
proaches policeman in front of the drop cur
tain and asks him to help her find her mama
who, as she innocently remarks. went away
with the angels"
9. The playing of THE Spring Song or
some similar quivery tune. either by musician
performer on the stage or by the orchestra dur
ing sentimental scene.
10. The singing of sentimental song on
a darkened stage, the features of the singer
being lit up by softened calcium light.
AMONG the sure-fre thriller tricks in
vaudeville we have:
l. The burning of incense on the stage, and
the spreading of the fumes out into the audi
forum; thus preparing the audience for
oriental emotions" incidental to act of
the sight of an Egyptian indulging in some
incarnation or other will impress it and thrill
it to the bone.
2. The playing of quick. nervous music dur
ing scene of intense emotion. Where. the
scene itself will fail to thrill. the help of the
music will always turn the trick
g. A room in darkness save for the faint red
glow of the open CRATE.
4. A scream of any kind, character. or
purpose, and emitted by anyone.
5. A shot any time, any place. and in almost
any circumstances.
6. A woman alone in room at night, with
the wind bowling outside.
T. A darkened room scene and the sound
of someone trying to open the lock of the door
Of the room.
S. The sudden pause of the orchestra when
an acrobat prepares to do his most difficult
stunt.
AMONG the asure-thing applause" Sc
: crets, I may divulge:
l. The bringing out on the stage of the
American flag
?. The playing Of = Dixie" or The Wearing
OF the Green
8. Any reference to the President, the worlds
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1914-06-21

the order to Clark. He gave me queer
look; but evidently decided not to ask CUES
tons, and never vouchsafed any explana-
ton. As long as l remained with the firm
Meyers was not only one of my biggest Gus
toners, but we became stanch business
friends.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1914-06-21
AMONG the asure-thing
: : crets, | may divulge:

l. The bringing out on the stage of thu
American flag.
?: The playing of Dixie or THE Wearin,
of the Green
5. Any reference to the President. the world
The Fairmont West Virginian. (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1904-1914, 1914-09-15

laugh, rs WallingfOrd produced n bot
tie and glasses and cigars. IF we'd
a known that we'd a had our wal
lopers, MS you call 'em, look out for
you, and this never would have hap
pened."
You have to watch for these red
necks,' agreed Frank, smiling and
looking WalIlngford squarcly in the
eve for the first time In his life. Just
one OF ems liable to upset your whole
game any minute. You don't want to
give 'em a chance to even cough inSide
your town. Come owe to Il office to-
morrow ut train time and we'll SHOW
you how we handle EN-"
A sudden idea hit Wallinsford. and
the frowning crease that had been
steadily In his brow for two weeks dis
appeared rs II by magic. He chuckled.
his broad chest heaving and his big
shoulders shaking. his eyes closing ana
his round, pink face wreathlng itself
in n smile. which. rs an evidence or
friendly understanding. the Dougal-
bobber brothers saw with delight.
y OIL HNSL nave HHu Il ~ VI SNhN
ricnce," suggested W~alIingford. and
chuckled again over the splendid solu-
ton he had found for his secret prob
lem.
The brothers exchanged smiles OF
comrndcship.
We've got it down to a science,
boasted Frank. You see. we're spe-
cIalized. We do nothing but iron
mines. and we know how. We figure
right from the beginning that most
likely n mine is no good. but If it isn't
we don't want to know 1t. So we new
or fuss around with the ore except to
dig it out. When we have nearly all
the stock sold we ship some ore to the
smelters, and what they tell us after
the actual reduction is worth more
than all the assays In the world"
Fright you arc" agreed WallinGford
heartily. "That's one reason you don't
employ n chemist"
The browS of both the brothers dark
ened, and their ears turned redder.
They're not safe" growled Frank.
They're likely to give you away"
The Fairmont West Virginian. (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1904-1914, 1914-09-15
Haze Not abused
Red Cross Flag
NO INFORMATION THAT GER
MANS KILLED WOMEN
AND CHILDREN.
BY ASSOCIATED PREss.i

LONDON, Sept. 14.-Premier As
quith told the House of Commons to-
day that no official information had
reached the ministry Of war, con
corning the repeated story that Ger
man soldiers had abused the Red
Cross flag. killed and manned the
wounded, killed women and children
az had been alleged SO often In stor-
les Of the battle field. He added that
this subject was under consideration
and that an inquiry was being made.
He asscntcd to suggestion made that
with the view of securing greater
credence of any report on the sub
Ject which British government might
ISSUE to the American embassy and
consulate would be communicated
with with the object of getting them
to publish the full facts.
The Fairmont West Virginian. (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1904-1914, 1914-09-15
CHAPTER VIII.
The Glad Hand.

uT SEE" returned Wallingford, nod
ding his head aud pouring them
another drink. 'ln the begin
ming you get some good iron ore
from some place or another and have
an assay made merely for the benefit
Of your brother Ralph. who sells the
stock. In the meantime you incor-
pOrate two companies, a largely capl-
tallzed mine company and an operat-
ing company Of small capitalization.
You make n contract between the two
which will allow the operating coinna-
ny to reap most Of the profits. You
sell the mining company stock anu
hold the operating company stock
yourselves. so that II you do happen
TO strike n winner you still have the
big end OF It,"
"Thnt's the trick" admitted Alec.
delighted to find some n who appre.
ciated the Dougnlbobber cleverness.
and both the brothers grinned thinly.
only we never hit n winner"
what do you think of the prospects
of this mine?" asked WallinSford.
bending forward with apparent anx.
iety.
The brothers glanced Mt each Other
quickly.
.The ore looks fine to me-" declared
Alec.
81 don't think we ever had so good
a chance to strike n real ,One," added
Frank.
You know. Id like to take n gam
Bile myself" said Wallingford. smiling.
his eyes opened to the most innocent
roundness OF which they we're capa-
Bile. How much Of the operating com
pany stock would You scll?"
The Fairmont West Virginian. (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1904-1914, 1914-09-15
PRESIDENT ARRIVES
IN WASHINGTON

BROOMFIELD, Mass, Sept. 10
Greatly relieved by his short stay at
the summer White House. President
Wilson passed throuhg here last
night on his way back to Washing
ton to take up consideration of the
war tax measure. He will reach
Washington today at 9 o'clock. The
president was accompanied by his
daughter, Mrs. Francis Sayrc and her
husband, as far as their home in VIII
Jamestown, Mass.
The Fairmont West Virginian. (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1904-1914, 1914-09-15

- -.-- 49, . . . 49, 300 - =.
back Of the neck with several bard
knuckles. Big Bill stnrted to run
and the nearest open space being the
railroad track he made for that and
headed due southeast. followed by six
well muscIed experts in the art OF
personal encounter. who pelted him
with rocks at every jump until the
darkness swallowed him up forever.
whercupon his wife took in washing
and raised her family and was happy
ever after.
Immediately after the exodus OF Big
Bill, Wallingford's new found friends.
the D~ougalbobbers. in huge admira'
ton escorted him to his Own portable
bungalow.
we didn't know you was n wise
William, too" said Alec, with a little
The Fairmont West Virginian. (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1904-1914, 1914-09-15

There are a lot of homes In which
butter and lard are wasted when
anything is fried. All the grease re-
quired could be obtained by letting
friend wife wipe out the skillet with
her kimona.
The Fairmont West Virginian. (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1904-1914, 1914-09-15

Order your baking powders, teas.
spices, extracts, etc, from The Great
Atlantic and Pacific Tea Co., Fair
mont. H. w. Pratt, agent, will call.
Drop postal, general delivery.
9-14-Ot
The Calumet news. [volume] (Calumet, Mich.) 1907-1938, 1914-02-14

eminent Offices here, called together a
few of his friends To discuss the for
nation of a fraternal society. II was
just at the close of the civil war and
the time was considered suspicious for
forming such a society. The initial
steps were taken and it was decided 20
call the order the knights of Pythias.
The order prospered from the start.
From its humble beginning in this city
it spread to every part of the United
States and Canada. The total mem
bcrship now exceeds 100000. Ohio,
Pennsylvania. Indiana and Illinois have
upwards of 10000 members each. The
Pythian Sisters. the women's auxiliary
to the order is organized throughout
the country. The military department
boasts of 10000 members, while the in
surance department has about $4,000
members who carry an aggregate +
nearly 500, 900, 900 i'm insurance
The Calumet news. [volume] (Calumet, Mich.) 1907-1938, 1914-02-14
ESSAY CONTEST
FOR fine PRIZES
Program Under Auspices of Sac
red Heart Holy Name Society

Sunday evening. Feb. %, under the
auspices of the Holy Name society. the
senior class of the Sacred Heart high
school will present an interesting and
pleasant program in he auditorium Of
the Sacred Heart high school.
The main feature Of the evening will
consist in the rendition of an essay
contest, in which there is a strong and
enthusiastic competition for three
prizes, offered by the Holy Name socle-
". The subject of the young COMPETE
tors is: Missionaries Of the Upper
Peninsula" The decision for the
awards will be based upon extent Of
research, facts and general compost
ton.
The prizes will consist of three vol
umes of Cardinal Gibbons works, The
Manual of Prayers, by the same au-
thor ana handsome rosary.
The Judges selected by the Holy
Name society are: F'r Rezek Of
Houghton; James V. Gaul of Houghton
and Mrs. Peter Ruppe, ST., of Calumet.
The members of the Holy Name So
ciety extend most hearty and cordial
invitation to all. and especially To the
honorable bodies of the Ancient Order
of Hibernians, Knights of Columbus,
and Catholic order of Foresters.
The Calumet news. [volume] (Calumet, Mich.) 1907-1938, 1914-02-14
IN The CHURCHES OF
Calumet AND VICINITY
Local Pastors Are Invited TO Con.
tribute to This Departn ent Which
Will Appear Each Saturday All
Notices Free of Charge.
EPISCOPAL MISSIONS.

kearsargc, st. Johns Mission. loI
County Road-Holy Communion. n.
M morning service and sermon. II a.
M, Sunday school, II m.
New Allouez, st, Marks Mission.
sunday school, 2:3O .. m. service and
sermon, D. m
Lake Linden. 81. David's Mission.
Library ilall-Evening service and ser
mon $50 p. m.-Rev. Howard Ziegler.
lenten Suggestions.
Have a definite Lenten rule. and LET
nausht but necessity turn You from ii.
Abstain from all worldly pleasures
1t is not meet that we should indulge
IN ga\eties when commemorative the
great fast of the son of Man.
Shall not we Thy SORROWS share,
And from earthly joys abstain.
Fasting with unceasing prayer.
Glad with Thee To suffer pain?
Attend as many of the church SER
ices as possible.
BE more earnest and regular in your
private prayers.
Give some time each day to devo-
tional reading.
Deny yourself some luxury often. and
let the cost Of it he added Ia your Eas-
ter offering.
Receive the Holy Communion, first
preparing for il by special self-exam-
ination and prayer.
The Calumet news. [volume] (Calumet, Mich.) 1907-1938, 1914-02-14
IA CELEBRATE
K. P. JUBILEE
Greatest Celebration will Be Held
IN Washington Next Week

washington, ID. c., Feb. i4.-Thurs-
IL, next will he the golden jubilee or
snietA anniversary of the founding OF
the Knights Of Pytnias. and lodges in
ivory part Of the United States and
,,,,odo are preparing To celebrate the
INT in an appropriate manner. The
..,or was founded in this city. and
,he greatest celebration will be held
- The exercises will begin We'd
,osdov and continue through the re-
Under Of the week. The grand lodges
~, all the states ana provinces will be
,epresented by DELEGATES.
The celebration will he ushercd in
wednesday evening with a reception
.,, entertainment To he given by the
puhian Sisters of the District of Cot
.n,hio Thursday afternoon the jubi-
,oo EXERCISES will be held I'm the ball
.oo,, of the New Willard Hotel SUI
,,re,ne Chancellor Thomas j. CARING,
- Macon. Ga. will preside and "A
rumber of prominent speakers will Ne
hoard Among those present will he
Abraham -. Vanderveer and Edward
( Kimball, who were the FIRST MEM
hers initiated into the order.
The celebration will he continued
Thursday evening with an anniversary
mass meeting. Secretary of State Will
liam J. Bryan, who is past chancellor
NJ Lincoln Lodge of Lincoln Neb., will
deliver an address on FRATERNITY as
Cxemplifed by the Knights of Pyth-
ms" Supreme Vice Chancellor Brig
ham s Young, of Ohio. will speak on
Friendship" Supreme Prelate Joseph
II Spearin2, of Tennessee on "Chari-
~" and supreme Master of EXchequer
Thomas y. Meares, of North Carolina.
an "RenevOlence.
Friday will he devoted largely 10 a
review of the work of the several
branches Of the order by their officials
and monument members. Mai Gen.
Arthur j. StObbart will speak for the
uniform rank of the order, Union -.
Hunt Of Indianapolis for the insurance
department, Imperiad Prince Charles
f. Klce LOT the i'IdIIldllt ''IutI hHlSIlS
Of Khomssan. and Mrs. Ida NJ. john
son Of Colorado, the supreme chief, for
the Pythian Sisters.
The formal exercises of the jubilee
will conclude Friday evening with "A
great mass meeting at the New Willard
Hotel at which Supreme Vice Chan
CelOr Young will preside. There will he
$50 addresses. one by Walter Il. Richie
Ns supreme chancellor, on The Les
50 Of Friendship" and the other by
Rev. Allen \. Stockdale, of Toledo, on
"PYhian Power
Orders Splendid Growth.
In the whole range of fraternal and
beneficiary societies there is probably
none that can equal the Knights of
Fthids in its record Of growth. Fifty
years ago the order was unborn. To-
day il is the third largest organization
Of It's kind in America, it's membership
being exceeded only by that Of the
Free Masons and the odd Fellows.
1t was on February 10, 1864. that
JustuS II. Rathbone. "A New Yorker
who was employed in one of the gov
The Calumet news. [volume] (Calumet, Mich.) 1907-1938, 1914-02-14

these allegations, saying no one on
earth could make her father change
his mind once he had it made nj.
The case VIII he tried early in the
spring. Both sides are preparing for
a bitter legal contest.
Discussing the case, Mrs. McNabb
said according to a Milwaukee dis
patch:
when a woman reaches middle age,
with the one ambition Of educating
three children, she goes mighty slow
i'm such affairs" she said.
Il will tell little story later that
needs me- justihcations nor excuses"
Mrs. McNabb was born in Escauaba,
Mich From there she went to Nir-
sinia, Mimi. where her husband, Will
liam McNabb, was interested in min
ing property Later She returned to the
Michigan copper country and devoted
all her time TO charitable work. 1t
was while working in this capacity,
says Mrs. McNabb, that she met Mr..
Kinney.
Mrs. McNabb formerly resided in
T.uurium She was employed as solicit
tor for The Good VIII Farm.
The Calumet news. [volume] (Calumet, Mich.) 1907-1938, 1914-02-14
LAUGHS AT M'NABB SUIT.
"3s in Love With 70? Ridiculous!" the
Millionaire Says.


y Washington dispatch says:
She has no broken heart 1t is ri
riculous to thing a woman of her age
she is not 3S-should he in love with a
man IS"
That is the way john S. Kinney,
millionaire mine owner, sums M tn"
breach of promise suit for $500, 600 fil"j
against him by Mrs. Ida :. McNabb, a
Milwaukee widow.
"Shc is after my money he said,
but she will not get one cent of tn"
ten millions they say | have"
Mr.. Kinney has secured the services
of woman lawyer. Her name is not
divulged, but it is thought she is Mrs.
Ellen Spencer Musscy founder Of the
Washington college of law where
kinney's daughter is being educated.
Mrs. McNabb claims she wo9ld have
been married to Kinney now had it not
been for his two sons and his daugh-
ter, who, she says. diverted his alfcc-
tons.
Miss Kinney cmphaticany denies
The Calumet news. [volume] (Calumet, Mich.) 1907-1938, 1914-02-14
FEATURE CLUB PARTY.
laurium Band Arranees Splenciid
Program OF Skating Numbers.

All arrangements have been complet-
I'd for the skating and dancing party
to be conducted at the Palestra next
Friday evening, February 20. under
the auspices of the Feature Club. a
new Calumet social organization. which
promises To provide numerous novel;
ties for this event. For example, the
club announces that the Tango will be
Permitted, more than that, il will be
encouraged, for it has been arranged
20 conduct II prize contest for Tan
goers. This does not mean the So
called vulgar Tango will be tolerated,
for the club members declare such is
not the case, but the genuine Tango.
which critics declare is very artis-
tic dance.
There will likewise be skating races.
with suitable prizes. for couples. gents
and boys. John tombstone of the Calu-
met Y. NJ. .. \. will act as starter for
these races and NJ. w. Youngs, as
Judge of the finish. Another novelty
which will he Introduced is an exhibit
ton of dancing ON skates, by experts
from both Houghton and Keweenaw
counties.
The members of the club enect many
skaters, dancers and spectators will be
present from the Portage Lake towns.
Torch Lake towns and other parts of
the district
The Laurium band has arranged
splendid program for tins event, as fol-
lows:
l.--"Silver Bells"
Moonlight on the Nile"
3.--"D'ye Mean You Lost Your Dog"
4.-'Silver Threads Among the
Gold"
5.-"On Mississippi"
6.-"Danube Waves
Peg O Ny Heart"
S.-"Weinerburger"
Intcrmission.
9-l0--RacinG. Couples Boys under
IS, and Boys race over is. Also fancy
skating I'm center ice.
ll.-"Persian Rose.
12.-"Weddng of the Winds"
l3.-Prize Tango) Too Much
Mustard"
li.-"Mein Thuringen."
15.--"O You Tango Step"
16.--"Blue Danube"
lin Ny Harem."
1S.--"Good Night Nurse"
The Calumet news. [volume] (Calumet, Mich.) 1907-1938, 1914-02-14
TAMARAcK, oscEoLA, BOSTON.

Rev. w II. Collycott will he at the
psceola church Sunday morning and
in the evening Gust Donald will preach
clyde Donald will preach at the Tam
arack church in the morning and Rev
Collycott will preach in the evening.
The pastor will preach at three O'Clock
in the afternoon at the Boston NJ T..
church and j. Crawford will preach
i'm the evening.
The Calumet news. [volume] (Calumet, Mich.) 1907-1938, 1914-02-14
NORWEGIAN LUTHERAN.

Rev. :. ROmsdahl of the Norwegian
Lutheran church will preach at 1880
O'Clock tomorrow morning on the sub
ject, Sowing and Harvesting" In the
evening the Ladies Aid Society will
conduct Il missionary service, and 4
collection will he taken for foreign
missions.