The Washington herald., 1914-04-12

! bers already. and not one of the forty.
two copies of its Mona Lisa can be told
! from the original.
The Jericho Suffragette Club would
take another story, II IL was finished on
in pink. and had a sounding-bo to en-
1 able every woman to hear herself talk
| and no other speaker.
4 A moving-picture show should be pro.
| vided for, as the one we have now is
obliged to occupy a part of a livery sta
| BILE When the horses are all in there is
| more horse than picture about the shows.
Mrs. Pinkham has figured out that at
least seven OF the stories would be occu-
Tied by correspondence schools, and II
: there was a floor remaining it could be
J rented to such New York real estate
agents as wish TO be out of their city
offices when a buyer calls to denounce
| them for selling real estate at the bot
tom OF the waters of Long Island Sound.
Mr.. President. will you pause a moment
and reflect what a dignity II would give
me TO be a postmaster in a thirteen-story
building! And you must realize that a
share OF the luster of that dignity would
reflect on you.
AS IT is now. the postoffice is hardly
larger than a chicken-coop. There is
nothing to fill the breast with awe. I
slouch around in my old duds, and when
commanded to lick on the stamps for
patrons out comes my tongue to meekly
obey. Every one can be as familiar as
he wishes, and any attempt on my part
to freeze him out is met with:
''oh. cut that out. Pap! You are not
knee-high to the constable"'
Two or thre Sundays ago I went to
church with a bad cough on me. Can you
find IT anywhere in the Bible that a man
with a cough must not enter the house
NJ (yndf nnnff ha IN 90 70 hoa
just as much IL he is barking away every
three minutes as the man who has no
cold?
And yet. sir. hadn't barked a dozen
barks when Deacon Watkins came I'D
the aisle and whispered:
Pap. you will have to cut that barking
out or leave the church,"
II 1 was running a posroffice in a sky
scraper would Deacon Watkins or any
other man have dared TO talk to me like
that! You know they wouldn't. I'd have
been invited into the vestry and been
given a swig of eNpectorant instead
represent the government here in Jericho
II represent II from a chicken-coop then
the dignity of the government must suf-
fer.
Let it he known that Jericho is to have
a half-million dollar Federal building and
what happens?'
The political kickers are satisfied.
About a hundred Jerichoans who are
now on the fence will come into our
camp.
Jericho will take a boom and Elder
Jackson. can sell his sheep pasture for
town lots and quit gambling
My grocery will be situated in the
new building and 7 positively guaran-
tee to sell dill pickles 20 per cent lower
than other in he
The new building can contain a san
atorium where members of Congress
can come from time TO time and play
poker and rest from their arduous la
bors.
do not wish to hurt your feelings.
Mr.. President. no maNer how much or
how often mine are hurt, but during
the last week 1 have heard you re-
ferred to as
"A burned old liar"'
"A white-shirted charlatan"
"A promise breaker" |
AN enemy to the people"
In each case ! have called the SLAM |
derer A liar and have had a fight with |
him, hut even where l came out on |
top my dignity suffered.
The other day Squar' Johnson's COW |
became a mother. There was but one |
calf. and he came rushing in TO me to |
yell out:
"Durn your old President, Under |
Roosevelt that COW had three calves |
at once, Under Taft she had two.
and under Wilson II has got down to |
0ne. and it's A dunn scrub calf at that!'
Il was trying to convince him that |
neither you nor I were to blame when
IN rushed Silas Deering to eNclaim:
Pap. YOU old liar. what about that
President of yours now
What's the row now?"
why. durn his picture. my wife has
ust presented me with triplets under
his administration"
You see how II is. Mr.. President.
GiEe us that Federal building and
rou stop all this and are booked for
second term, sure.
withhold II and ] will not bn an
;werablc OLD PAP PINKHAM. |
Postmaster without dignity.