davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington herald., 1914-01-04
AN UNDERSHOT CUPID

William had first noticed them when he
had seen her making friends with Fraz-
zles through the fence one day. They
Were most disturbing eyes. They had
| been disturbing the high-brow William
ever since that first view of them. There
was pretty, ripping laugh that went
with those eyes, and some fluffy, golden
hair, and cheeks of amazing smoothness
and color. They weren't at all con-
ducive to absorbed porings over abstruse
problems in Greek. William thought her
years might be scant twenty. And
In light of that paucity of years his
own seemed even as those Of Methuse-
lah.
Also William had taken thought to his
raiment of late, had purchased a tie
which made certain young irreverents in
his classes snicker audibly. Also he had
his clothes pressed.
Then one night when he had seen her
sitting on the porch with a very up-to-
date young man. It had been borne upon
him that all his yearnings must be of a
secret nature and from afar of, like tie
Pharisee's prayer. For why should a
young and charming lady such as she
look with anything 'but horror upon an
ancient and learned bookworm like him
self? William thought he knew the con-
elusive answer to that conundrum.
hC WOrSnlpDeQ at long
distance, bowling to her stifiy when they
met at the gate-she ran over often to
see Williams sister. feasting his ewes
upon her from the study window, sixhiny
like a lcve-lorn porpoise and otherwise
neglecting the hitherto all-absorbfns
work of chasing his beloved Greek roots.
William had know ~ certain an toe
apparent sighs that he was rapidly de-
scending into paths Of insanity, but to-
night the crowning climax of II all had
come. He had written a poem, a poem
about her eyes-twenty-eight lines of
soulful drivel In iambic hexemeter. He
read them over and sniffed. This was
certainly the limit of all things. He'd
have to take a brace. II bowine to her
when they met. and saying curt good
morning and an equally exciting good
evening now and then. and peeking at
her through his study curtains had finally
brought him to this pass. It was high
time for heroic remedies. 1t must stop.
She was not for him, and he had better
go back to his oaggy Clothes his black
The Washington herald., 1914-01-04

Uncle Ashdod with irritation. $50 the
carpenter was from New Jersey and
extra fond of applejack, and before he
swung hisself over the side to calk
them seams he loaded up to his gills
with that deadsome drink, and he was
as drunk as lord. Yes, sir! And
says to him, Carpenter, be mighty
keerful of that can opener
What did he have, the can opener
for?" asked Sim Perkins resignedly.
GO on and tell me! I dare YEP
For to open the tin we had nailed
over the seams" said Uncle Ashdod,
so he could get at the seams to calk
'em. Anybody but an idjit ought to
know that. But the Purser was so
stingy with his string"
There you go, ringin' in the purserr'
said Sim Perkins. 81 start out taikin'
about farm credits and here you are
taIlin' about the purser. What's he
got to do with it2"
He was stingy with his string"
said Uncle Ashdod, Because he was
50 hopeful about the beans. He want
ed to save all the string for the beans
to climb up when they sprouted. So
he wouldn't spare none to tie the can
opener to the drunken carpenter. So
when the drunken carpenter went over
the side of the Sally Ann to open the
tin patch with the can opener so he
could calk the seam. he dropped the
can opener into the ocean and it sank
Like a rock. So then we didn't have
no can opener, and we couldn't open
the bean cans, so we planted them
cans and all, and II you had 2 leetie
mite OF sense you'd have knowed that
without bein' told. But we borrowed
some more money from the bank"
Sand bank, or Labrador Bank, or
Newfoundland Bank?" asked Sim Per-
kins sneeringly.
"The Farmers and Hog-drivers
Bank, Of Megumquit, Maine" said
Uncle A.hdod, which was where We
had borrowed the first money we bor-
rowed to finance our crop. Had to
pay 10 per cent interest and give
mortgage on the Sally Ann to borry
The Washington herald., 1914-01-04
TRICKY TRIXY {:
By DOROTHY DOUGLAS

thers soft hand on her brow inspiration
came to Trixy.
She would faint. That very day, when
he came up the street in his small runa-
bout. she would dash out on her own
steps and swoon right before his very
eyes. He would pick her up tenderly
and carry her into that charmed office
and administer to her. After that
surely 1t would be an easy mat
ter to lure the doctors heart out of his
body. Trixy cast a feeting glimpse into
her mirror and smiled. Just for the mo-
ment the fear gripped her that the doctor
was perhaps in love with the black
haired damsel who came daily to visit
him. There was a lurking smile in the
woman's eyes that always irritated
Trixy as she watched from her window.
Certainly the woman had no appearance
Of wasting malady that required daily
visits to DR.. Gunthel
''she is no doubt trying re ensnare
him." mused Trixy. We'll. two can play
at the same game!"
During the afternoon Trixy spent many
moments contemplating her wardrobe.
She gazed with longing eyes at her new
shell pink silk, but turned determinedly
away.
II would love to wear It for the
fainting fit, but I might Just fall on
some mud or something and 1t would be
ruined" She sighed ana looked at her
grey velvet walking dress. Il could fall
all the way down the stairs in that with
out hurting it." she reflected, "ani after
all gray rather suits me-"
Trixy dressed her hair with unusual
care taking pains to put as few hairpins
as possible into the thick braids. 1t
would be far more thrilling to have her
hair come tumbling down over the doc
tors arm than to have II remain primly
in place.
Toward o'clock. when the doctor usu-
ally came in for his evening office hours,
Trixy stationed herself beside the win
dow. Her heart was beating trife
more rapidly than on previous watches
and she hoped she would not bump her
head or do anything unromantic when
she performed her swoon before t3e dnc-
tors eyes.
When she heard the familiar motor
horn belonging to his car, she jumped
up and went swiftly out onto the steps.
Had there been a soft spot on those
stone steps Trixy assuredly would have
The Washington herald., 1914-01-04
(Copynght, lg4.)

Perhaps the best description Of william
Boles that can be given is to say that
his idea of a highly hilarious evening
was to spend it searching for certain
ulusive Greek roots. That perhaps gives
very proper idea of the gentleman and
renders it unnecessary to mention his
heavy-lensed tortoise-shelled spectacles.
his bsggy clothes, his absurd ties, and
his air of always having something very
important on his mind-so important, in
deed, that he was forever overlooking
such little niceties in life as avoiding
mud-puddles and steering clear of down.
held umbrellas on rainy days.
William Boles wasn't old. His last
birthday had been his twenty-eighth, but
he was wise-in some things far beyond
his years-and already they were speak
ing Of him with mingled awe and respect
at the university, as is the way Of speak
ing of preternaturally bright young men.
They said he was far too good for Just
a plain instructor, and it was openly
limited that ere William Boles saw the
light Of thirty he would be q full-nedged
professor.
Besides Greek roots there was one
? Thing worthy of mention In Williams
rather austere and ascetic life; and that
was a bow-legged undershot, seventy
pound bulldog rejoicing in the highly un-
Hellenic name of Frazzles.
William POLES sat alone that April
evening in his study at the house of his
widowed sister with whom he boarded
and who was inordinately proud of Will
Jams bufging forehead and his success
with Greek roots Ffazzles was caper-
ng joyfully somewhere about the yard
below, and William should have been
IN the trail of the usual Greek root. But
instead he was staring moodily at q bit
Of paper before him. On the paper were
,undry lines, each beginning with cap
tai. One would never have thought of
he austere William as breaking out into
netrical thought; indeed, 1t surprised
william as much as 1t would have done
any one else.
New neighbors had moved into the
souse next door, and one of the said
,ew neighbors-the daughter of the house
had Q most amazing pair Of violet eyes
The Washington herald., 1914-01-04
Copyright. ,a4,

ssTF farmer could get easy. credit
i at a bank, like the President
says he ought to- said Sim Per-
kins, ''he could move his own crop.
He could buy a great, big automobile
truck, and
Yep" said Uncle Ashdod agree
ably. 81 remember once when we
was plouin' along through the ocean in
the Sally Ann
~Plowin' the ocean, was you?' said
Sim Perkins Suppose you're goin' to
let ON you know about farmin' be-
canse you plowed the ocean, amt you ?
What was you plantin', beans?'
Well, no. said Uncle Ashdod. "We
tried planGn' beans the season before,
but of course. they didn't do well,
seem as we was merchant ship"
What kind of beans did you be
fool enough to plant in the ocean?'
asked Sim Perkins skcptically.
Navy beans. of course said Uncle
Ashdod. IF we'd been s0eg'lar man.
o'-war ship, belongin' to the navy.
maybe them beans would have sprout-
cd, but we was only merchant ship,
so they didn't. So we didn't know
what to plant. The first mate he say,
Try beans again. Stands to reason
no beans amt going to grow unless
you peel the can off 'em before you
The Washington herald., 1914-01-04

Thought there wasn't any next So
son." said Sim Perkins.
$50 the next season." Uncle Ashdod
went on calmly, Il sailed out in the
Sally Ann. was poor man BY that
time and saiIin the Sally Ann on
wages, but I sailed past the old sea
farm, Just Tor old times sake, and
one night the First Mate comes ruunin'
and says Slips Stuckp 'Wiar on?
asks him, for ther amt no land for
miles near here. Beans he says; She's
run into a reg'lar jungle o navy beans.
Acres and acre. of EN- he says, and
all ripe. and ready to pick You see.'
Uncle Ashdod said carefully, them
saw-fsh, whilst sawin' around amongst
the cod and whale, sawed them bean
cans in two and let out the beans, and
the next spring the beans sprouted and
so we loaded the Sally Ann to tn
gunnels with fust. class navy beans"
"And all got richr' said Sim Per-
kins.
"Nopep said Uncle Ashdod. we
would have come off with a profit But
for the bank. The interest on all them
mortgages at 10 per cent and II per
cent, and the cost of recordin' mort
cages and hirin' lawyers to draw EN-
up, and all, ct up all the profit Nov,
if there'd been a proper style of farm
credit, so we could have borrowed at
6 per cent, on a note
"Yes," sSid Sim Perkins, and
then, also, iii ye hadn't been such
loon as to go out with a plantin of
canned beans with only one on-
opener
well, o'course," admitted Unc{e
Ashdod, but there amt no moral 10
that end of It"
The Washington herald., 1914-01-04
Easy Farm Credits Only
Hope of United States
If Agricuturalists Could Borrow Money without
Trouble, Says Wise Old Maxwell Then He
Cites Case of the Sally Ann, With
Navy Beans for All.

the second money, and that want fair
when town folks could borry for 8 per
cent any time. And the reason we had
to borry the second money was because
that first crop was aplumb failure |!
Yes, sir! Not a bean sprouted. So
we borrowed the second lot Of money,
and went out to sea and sailed the
Sally Ann back and forth till We had
the waves all plowed up and ready TO
plant. And then We didn't know what
to plant"
81 bet you planted currents-oeean
currents" said Sim Perkins.
"Bet we didn't" said Uncle Ashdod.
I'VE planted castor beans" ...
"What'd you do that for?" asked
Sim Perkins.
For to rotate the crops" said Uncle
Ashdod. Wed planted navy beans
one year, and nothin' impoverishes tn.
bottom of the ocean like growin' beans
on it, so we planted castor beans the
next year"
But if the navy beans didn't grow
-" said Sim Perkins.
'Well, you see" said Uncle Ashdod
thoughtfully, at wasn't growin' the
navy beans that impoverishes The soil.
1t was plantin' them. Plantin' EN- in
cans like we did The soil was all
covered up with bean cans, like a
Maine farm is with rocks. Couldn't
farm that sort of land in reg'lar
dod promptly. 1--WE went to work and
sowed them beans and then we went
to work and put couple more mort
cages on the Sally Ann, and a couple
of mortgages on the sea farm, and We
way, could we? So We planted castor
beans for fodder for the stock 20
Craze on"
"What stock?" asked Sim Perkins.
"Cod and whale" said Uncle Ash
took the money and bought a herd of
whale and a couple of focks of cod
an, turned them into the castor beans.
We figured we couldn't afford to buy
no fence lumber and that a half dozen
or so dog fish could take care of the
whale and cod and keep them from
The Washington herald., 1914-01-04

plant 'em. Uncan some,' he says, and
try plantin' 'em another season..
For two cents said Sim Perkins
with disgust, "Pd go home and saw
some wood. When / think I've got to
sit here and listen to pack o lies
about feller plowin' the sea and
plantin' beans in il, / do feel like goin'
home and sawin' wood Sawin' green
hick'ry, b'gosh! / do SO. Why in
plunket did you plant them beans with
the cans on?"
"You can't pound oakum into crack
unless you can get at the crack, can
ye?" asked Uncle Ashdod? Maybe
you can, but nobody else could, you're
SO ALFRED smart-like. So when we
bumped into an iceberg and sprung
our seams. like / forgot to tell you
about, we set to-all hands-and nailed
rooin' tin over the seams to shut the
water out. So we had bari of sweet
cider in the hold and it turned hard.
Reg'lar old apple-jack it turned into,
and the carpenter was from New Jer-
sey, SO when l says Carpenter, you
pound some oakum into them sprung
seams"
What / asked you," Said Sim Per-
kins bitterly, WAS why did you
plant canned beans?' That's what ]
asked you.'
"And amt l telliuf your" asked
The Washington herald., 1914-01-04
Copyright, lgL.)

Trixy gazed wistfully at the patients
who, from time to time, went up the
stone steps that led to Dr.. Gunthel's
office.
''Ohi For a pain or something-that I,
too, might ascend those stepsi" she
sighed and caught sight of her rosy,
sparkling beauty in the mirror. Il dc
not remember ever having looked in
terestingly pale
She gazed out of the window again
A slim, dainty girl who walked with a
limp was making her way slowly toward
the door that bore the name Of Her,
mann Gunthel, NJ. d.
Even a limp gets one through those
portals" sighed Trixy. why, oh. why.
am / so abnormally healthy?"
Never until the advent of DR.. Gun
theI into the brown stone dwelling next
door to her fathers, had Trixy rallied
at her robust constitution. Never had
she been aught but delighted at her
vigorous supply of health.
Now, since her eyes had been gladdened
by the sight of the young doctor, she
longed for some slight indisposition-
anything that would demand her i'm
mediate need of his services.
But-Trixy remained buoyantly healthy.
She took long walks in the pouring rain;
she ate combinations of rarebit and ice
cream and only succeeded in adding lus-
ter to her eyes and roses to her cheeks.
She even tried to tell herself that the con-
slant longing to know the doctor and
the jealousy aroused by his patients
going daily to his presence. were under
mining her physical constitution. She
knew. deep in her heart, that 1t was only
her mental equilibrium and her emotions
that were upset.
Trixy worked herself into many fever
of vague imagipings. Romances galore
she wove about the doctor and his femi-
nine patients and smiled wistfully when
she pictured them one and all fainting
into the doctors arms. Somehow, Trixy
could conceive of no visit to physician
wherein a faint played no part.
Certainly / would faint-if only from
sheer Joy at being near him-if I ever
got the chance" unused Trixy. She pic
tured her golden head falling snugly-
she knew 1t would be snugly-against his
shoulder. and his hand stroking her brow.
With the wonderful thought Of Dr.. Gun
The Washington herald., 1914-01-04

II remember when I was . boy no.
body couldn't seem to get. enough
castor oils said Unsle Ashdod, @and
there amt never been no let up in the
cali for cod liver oil, and whale oil
is just as valuable as ever, and more
so. / figured it would be pooty good
thing if we could get the cod to feed
on castor bean plants, because when
KILN time come we could render them
cod down and the product would be
a combination of cod liver oil and cas-
tor oil, and that ought to be connbi-
nation that would cure most anything.
1t would taste mean enough to cure
anything, anyway. But what we count
ed on most was the whale critters. A
good fatted whale. fatted up on castor
bean plants, ought to have rendered
down into mighty desirabl. kind OF
oil, combinin' the beauties of whale oil
and castor oil You could burn it and
drink it, and use it for illuminatin'
purposes while you was curin' your
sore throat wifi it. But we had all
our work for nothin'."
Glad of itp said Sim Perkins.
"Fust place." said Uncle Ashdod,
them castor beans wouldn't grow in
that soil, and second place, the saw
fish come in"
Il bet ye've got tn nerve to say
they sawed them cod and whale in two
in the, middlep said Sim Perkins an
grily.
"Nopep said Uncle Ashdod Be
cause they didn't. They sawed them
in two lengthwise. So that busted up
the farm. That busted me up hnan-
cially. That was the end of it. So
the next season."
The Washington herald., 1914-01-04

sought II. As il was she had to artiei-
pate a fall that must be graceful and
without danger to her physical beir-;-
She arrived at the bottom Of the steps
just as the doctor drew up at his curb.
He glanced up at her and a fleetins
smile swept over his face
second later Trixy rushed to his
side. He had tumbled in. a heap be-
side the car. She knelt down and drew
his head to her lap. Her breath was
coming and going in quick pants. She
gazed helplessly up and Gown the street
There was no one in sight aud she diS
not know what to do with the uncon-
scious man.
She was about to let him down gently
and seek aid when the doctor opened
his eyes. The color returned to his ruddy
cheeks and he collected himself with
startling suddenness.
You tainted" cried Trixy.
That was a very foolish thing to do"
murmured the doctor. VERY foolish" he
repeated II have had some trying cases
at the hospital today" The feeting smile
was you who found me-" he said, with
charming candor. Il have wanted to
know you" He had risen and was stand
ing looking down into Trixy's astonished
but happy eyes. II took this house be-
cause / saw you sitting in the window
the day I was looking for an Office"
Trixy wondered II she had really ac-
her swoon and this day dream
was q part Of it She gazed into the
doctors face and found 1t expecSant. as
II he waited to hear her voice.
You should not be standing here talk
lrg." she said quickly; lit is evident
that you are working far too hard or
you would not have tainted"
But / did not exactly faint" con-
fessed the doctor. Il was really fright
fully tired and wanted just to drop
down and rest for a moment The sight
Of you, so near and yet so far. sug-
gested an idea and-I carried it out sue
Are you very angry?"
Trixy glanced into mis- boyish face and
found herself laughing instead of angry.
ANGRY? No." she said, because you
saved me from humping my
own head" She smiled. Come in with
me and have a refreshing cup Of tea
I have story to tell you"
Il am no longer tired" the doctor
said joyfully, ''but q cup Of tea ID jusi
what I need"
The Washington herald., 1914-01-04

! string-ties and sanity, for IL those
twenty lines Of iambic hexameter
about pair Of violet eyes were not the
rawlings of an imbecile, he lost his best
bet; that was all there was to that
civilian, oh, william! called his Sis
ters voice from the hall below. Here's
Frazzles coming up to your
A moment later Frazzles was clawing
,, vigorously at the door. William opened
1t and in bounded seventy-odd pounds of
animation, fresh from a romp with the
girl next door. William, abstractedly
watched him scurrying about the study.
upsetting a waste basket. swapping at the
fringe Of the couch cover and generally
enjoying himself. Since the evening was
warm and q draught % be appreciated,
William left the study door ajar.
He stepped to the table and picked up
his recent assault upon prosody. Her
eyes were starry and liquid and like the
stars and all the rest of 1t; that was per-
fectly true, but that didn't make him
any less q silly fool for writing those
verses. What would she say IL she ever
saw them? What would anybody say IL
they knew he, William Boles. the chaser
Of the obscure Greek root, had been
guilty Of such folly?
He snatched them angrily up, crumpled
them in his hand and hurled them to the
floor.
"And that's the end of that" said Will
lam Boles, with finally.
Frazzles ceased growing at a hassock
and cooked an ear. When the paper hit
the floor he bounded forward. In another
moment it was in his mouth.
"Herei Here, sir! Come here" Will
lam commanded in his most domineering
voice. But Frazzles, remembering many
a gambol with an old shoe in his mouth
and William in pursuit, bounded Joyfuliy
about the room, bolted down the stairs
with the bowling William in pursuit.
edged through the front door. which, WAS
open. and sped down the front path.
William. slower In his steps. lost trace
of him In the darkness. Also he groaned
There was no knowing where that dog
might drop that bit of paper. and there
were scores of people in the city who
would recognize his handwriting. It was
peculiar hand-peculiafly bad. And
there were those awful verses about the
violet eyes.
William went to the gate and whistled.
The Washington herald., 1914-01-04
By FORBES DWIGHT

Then on the next porch he heard words
that fairly froZe his blood.
That's the good Frazzles! Give IL to
me! That's the good old fellow"
William felt his knees giving way be-
meath him. He had headed those verses
headed them like the sentimental fool
he was, he now remembered-"To Mar
garet's Eyes" He groaned. He caught
the gate posts for support. He heard the
smoothing out Of c-inky paper on the
porch next door. He could picture her
holding the effusion to the light. Came
a smothered chuckle! William felt he
should then and there give up the ghost.
Quite involuntarily he whistled for
Frazzles again.
Footsteps sounded on that next porch.
The vines were pushed aside. She stood
there looking over at them.
Were you looking for Frazzles. Prof.
Boles?" she asked.
Every one called him professor al
though he was not q full-nedged one as
yet 1t seemed SO natural, and SO emil
nently fitting.
'No-er-yes-that il, is he there?" he
stammered miserably.
She leaned farther across the porch
railing.
Hes just brought ms-what you
sent me-" said she.
II didn't send It," he cried in anguish.
You didn't? Didn't you write it?"
Yes; I'll have to admit I wrote 1t,
but never intended yor to see it,
'Oh." she said in disappointment.
TITS such q lovely poem, too"
William gripped the gateposts hard
er. Was she having covert fun with
him?
T-I-good heavens, what do you
think Of meT he groaned.
There was q little embarrassed
laugh.
"You've-you've nattered my eyes
awfully," said she softly, ''but-about
what think Of you-suppose you come
over and see."
She had Frazzles in her arms. She was
bufSing her flushed cheeks In his ugly
wrinkled face. William Boles forgot
there was such a thing as Greek root
And for the first time in his life Fraz-
zles found that at one and the same mo-
ment two of his staunchest friends would
pay no attention whatever to him, despite
all his frolicsoms cavortings about them.
The Washington herald., 1914-01-04

strayin' off. 1t was a pooty fine idea
l remember when | was a boy
There you go!" said Sim Perkins
"Startin' off on a new tackI'