The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1914-09-15


Our father talks about the yar In
very learned style.
To hear his explanations you would
tnlnk he knew pile.
40 tells NJ how It started and lust
now IT'S going to end.
40 tells M OF the grim mistakes they
make ana have to mend.
ne draws maps on tho tAblecloth and
gives positions right
OF every corps and every deet that's
mixed mp In the hight.
ao reads about q skirmi0h, where the
allies seem to win.
Ana tells ~ that the ka1ser's
whipped tor good. ~ sure ~ sin.
He shows w how the allies have him
bottled mp for fair,
He tells NJ that the Germans are de-
feafed everywhere.
But then another paper comes and 1t
tells ell about
A victory for German arms, ana al
lies put to rout.
Then father goes shout to prove the
Germans, understand,
Have had the whip hand right along
ana will sweep DER tie land.
For father u q diplomat. With each
recorded hight
de changes front, and SO, you sec,
he's always in the right.
From tho HickeyviIlo Clarion.
Prof Hank Simms, conductor Of
the Silver Cornet band, says he would
about a. soon be q conductor on q
freight train or a street car, where q
teller kin have some peace once in q
while. There is 80 much jealousy in
the band that every time they give q
concert every Teller has to have q
solo number excepting the bass and
snare drums, and thus far he has been
able to get them to agree on a duet,
but they are both Citing ambitious.
have to give each OF 'em q solo. The
last concert the band gave lasted all
night; they wouldn't have stopped
then excepting that the slide from
bone player had to go to work in
the sawmill and the b nat cornet was
called away by the death Of his grand
father from old age.
There is a~graft scandal in Official
circles OF our village and a grand jury
may be called to investigate. For
about six weeks the constable has pa
trolled Main street with his revolver
In his hand and watchin' the auto
mobiles. He hollers, "Slow up," and
when they don't slow up he whales
away with his shoottn' iron and pune
lures all four tires. Postmaster Will
liam Hilliker claims that a good deal
OF mail has been comm for the con-
stable lately. and it is believed he Is
In cahoots with the rubber trust. The
constable used to shoot glass balls
with wild west show, and his aim is
SO accurate that he has rot only sew
en- innocent bystanders and busted
only nine plate glass winders.
There are nineteen families that
are not speakin' to one another just
now on account OF q row in tho
Hardshell church choir. Tho altos
brother has given the sopranner's
cousin a black eye and the sopran-
ner's uncle has had the altos father
arrested for stealin' Q calf back in
1866. Mr.. Army Tubbs, the voiceless
tenor, has given up his Job in the feed
mill and left town aE7E So
Since Grandpa Perkins has had the
creepin' paralysis he has had to 70
around on his hands and knees.
An Occupa&1on Coma.
fashioned gink,
fashioned store:
Whose brilliance made all Of his lis
teners blink
When he told Of battles In wartime
Of yore?
At present he isn't quite up to the Job
As expert In war for that east
ern affair,
Has certainly with all the theories
raised hob
And all Of the experts are up in
the air.