The Lakeland evening telegram. (Lakeland, Fla.) 1911-1922, 1914-01-13
KELLINCER'S INSOMNIA
By DOROTHY DUNN.

M reason whatever sleep would SUI
denly desert him and when II aoal
doned Kel!inger it abandoned the resi-
of the family, meaning Mrs. kellihse'
and the bulldog. !,
When Mrs. Kellinger woula On
nounce sadly to their ACQUAINTANCE
that Tom had begun waking up a.
one o'clock and staying awake tlli siA
or not going to sleep at all until hail'
past.three it was exactly as tragic al
though she was breaking the news
that he had fallen a victim to tne
suicide habit or had begun numbering
people again after short vacation:
Those to whom she spoke always nao
an uneasy feeling that they ought 70
send flowers or something.
Kellinger absolutely refused 70 ~
to the doctor about it. He said tns
physician would merely ask him II no
had embezzled any trust funds or haa
anything else on his conscience, anu
would appear annoyed because no
hadn't.
Its just nerves." Kellinger would
say in martyred tones. Il wake up
and then | begin thinking and ! cant
stop. worry about what would nap
pen if ten years from now long, hard
winter should set in and | didn't have
any work. Then there is Uncle Dave,
who has just invested all his money IN
gold mire, and what il he should
lose it. And think of the sufferings
Of the people over there in the Bal
kan regions lurirg this cruel war"
III rom didn't have such an absurd
ly tender heart Mrs. kelllnger
would sigh proudly.
That is, she sighed proudly till the
sleepless streak had continued for
some time, and then she grew peevish
from lack OF slaItDer. At first she
would read aloud 10 Keilinger or
would arise and. descending to the
kitchen, would concoct unholy two
o'clock lunches Of fried egg sand
witches to lull him TO sleep. Later on
she took to making circumstances.
Following these heart TO heart talks,
Kellinger gave lip coffee and cigars
and once in a while managed to sleep
the night through, but more often I've
didn't.
IF you were wins now" Mrs. Kel-
linger murmured reprOachfully one
night at three o'clock at Kellinger,
who sat proproG Up socially against
the bedpost with the reading light on
full blast. Il suppose ! shouldn't mind
being awake like this Id expect it.
But ] don't mind telling you secretly
that I'm (yawn) getting aw-aw (yawn)
fully tired of it. I'm just dead for
Sleep"
Are you sleepy, dear?" Kellinger
asked, in hurt tones What wouldn't
| give to feel that way
Whereupon Mrs. Kellinger felt
ashamed of her desire to sleep and
read aloud from The Theory Of Hot
Water Heating until she toppIed
over, sound asleep
Kellinger really suffered. He said
if 1t kept up much longer he would
go crazy, he knew All the Kellingers'
friends were intensely interested in
the situation. BY their advice KEEL
linger drank hot milk before retiring,
drank cold milk, put hot water bag
under his head and then an ice bag,
stood on his head and walked on his
hands, breathed III six times and out
six times, crossed his fingers and
counted jumping sheep,
When they we're out in the sven
ing Mrs. Kellinser had the habit of
her husband nervously and
if his eyo'id twitched she would grab
the person next to her and moan:
Tom is going TO have another sleep,
less night" she would say He is
getting the pinkS, Poor man! |
don't know what IS going to become
OF him! Isn't it awful! Dearie!" to
the afflicted one. sit over here where
you won't get the cigar smoke-it
makes you nervous, know"
All of this happened before the ar
rival of Mrs. Shandie, who mad known
kellinger at the notwithstanding age
Of ten. and had never outgrown the
habit. The first time she was present
at one OF these sad exhibitions she |
transtixed the kellingers with a dis
gusted glance and spoke her mind.
Stuff and nonsense, Tommy KEEL
linger.' said she Il never heard Of
such tomfoolery, | never saw a per-
son put on the airs YOU do Are YOU
any better than any one else that YOU
can't sleep as the rest of us do? You
say that Nour life is without reproach.
and if it is there's no excuse FOR vonr
not sleeping The idea, Smoke that
cigar and dG,I; that cup of coffee and
go home and 90 to bed and 70 TO
sleep! You're q perfect goose! II
think the trouble is that your head is
only big enoaga Ter one idea at a time
and you've grown attached 10 this
sleepless idea and hate to tell it to
move on, I'm ashamed OF you! And
your wife is an easy mark"
4 think sao IS horribly rude!" Mrs
Kellinger koa. Saying all the wav
home. "Sh doesn't understand your
sensitive NJ urA at all"
'Huh% Qaeried Kellinger-and
yawned. Whereupon he went to sleep
when his head touched the pillow and