The Chickasha daily express. (Chickasha, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1899-current, 1914-09-29
HUSBANDS:
BY JOSEPH BERNHARD.

w ncu WiAtt my bO0h OA LlbW "
Manage Husbands" serenely begar
the girl who likes to talk Then the
storm broke and she paused.
you haven't husband" cried the
bride.
That's why I'm entirely competent
TO handle the subject" retorted the
girl who likes to talk.
why, you can't manage a canary,
let alone a mani" scoffed her sister.
81 said husband. not mere man."
sweetly explained the girl who likes
to talk ANY kind OF man can be a
man, but II takes particular kind
to be husband. That's why so many
women make mistakes-they don't ap-
preciate the difference. They are ex-
actly as foolish as the men who think
any kind of fuffy-ruffies girl has in
her the makings Of an ideal cook and
housekeeper ready to pop forth like
the cap in a Christmas crackerl
why, It's no more natural for one
Of these snaky. fascinating, almond
eyed sirens that men go crazy over
to keep house than II is for every man
to like to dig bitches just because
that's mans work. However, that
isn't the point.
Naturally, any woman with sense
will keep her iron hand concealed
within her glove, but no matter how
much she COOS away in public about
what Jack says and how Jack wants
this or Jack wants that she knows
perfectly well that in reality she Is
ruling Jack with precision and dis
patch, and II she has had time enough
he is jumping through hoops and lying
down and rolling 'over in haste at the
crack Of the whip.
Il don't believe in the crushed mar.
ried women you read about! Any
woman has 1t in her power to make
things so awfully uncomfortable for a
man at home that If she lets him
bully her she deserves it as reward
for her own stupidity. OF course
there are eccentric men who under
circumstances like these will shrug
their shoulders and go to the club or
the theater and forget 1t, and then
friend wife loses the trick. but the
average man is lost outside his own
home and you couldn't pry him away
II you tried
He is helpless in the hands of the
feminine enemy. He couldn't find his
clean shirts to save his neck and
long, long ago he lost track of the
lair from which emerge his clean
bandkerchiefs and socks. He has
tiustfully received them from the
hands of his wife for so many moons
that he'd have to hire a detective
agency II he had to search for them
himself. AS for towels, an he has to
do is stretch forth his hand and open
the cupboard door in the bathroom.
but he never does 1t. He cranes his
neck over the stairs and shouts down
reproachfully to his wife that there
is not towel in the house,
and he pathetically wishes, If it is not
too much trouble, that she would
ascend the stairs and find one. He
hates to bother her, OF course, but he
really must have towel.
Then he stands more or less pa.
tiently while she opens the cupboard
door and bumps him in the nose with
It and gets towel and stuffs 4 INTO
his hand Perhaps, however, she tar
ries to wipe the back of her husbands
neck and ears for him, like one woman
know
why, heard about man who got |
married because he had millions OF |
owing relatives and 1t drove him |
'razy buying presents for them at hol.
day time, and he knew that If he had |
wife she would have to buy the pres.
'nts. Husbands shift all sorts of
hings upon their wives shoulders be.
Iides shopping. They make them do
I'll the dinner calls and the letter
writing and the charity work and the
'attling with house bills, and the in.
itation list, and If woman is wise
he will submit to It, The secret is
o make your husband SO dependent
n you that he'd be lost without you.
nd then he'll be SO scared at the idea
I losing you that he'll let you do any
Id thing YOU want tol"
Il don't see anything very brightd
bout that" said the sister of the girl
Tho likes to talk. "In plain words.
lake slave of yourself in order to
oss your husband. Who comes out
head?"
Il am sure" said the bride, Il don't
ave to manage Jim. He is perfectly
'vely to me and let's me have my own
ay in every"
"Oh, my book isn't going to be writ.
m for cynics and little blind geese
ke you two," explained the girl who
kes to talk. "It's for the women who
'alize that they've either got to man.
se their husbands or die in the at.
mpt. And mostly" added the girl
ith sigh, they dol"
"What?" asked the bride.
Die" explained the girl who likes
talk rstill trying to learnt"