The Washington herald., 1914-06-01
UNIVERSAL IKE.


be new" he elucidated. hooking his
thumbs in the armholes Of the vest.
'.None Of the old cnessnutty stuff about
q fat man sitting down on tack. We
want something to make EN- roar-un-
derstand ?-the kind Of stun We can ad-
yertise as One Thousand Feet Of Furi-
a bang and ends with the big wallop.
Get mer'
The boss slapped his pudgy knees and
laughed noisily in contemplation Of how
funny the thing would be.
The scenario editor rescued script
from a mass In the manuscript drawer.
chuckling as his appraising eye ran over
the synopsis. Here's a good one about
a mother-in-law whose false hair Is
stolen by
"Punk!" snorted the boss THE moth
er-in-law joke IL stale"
The scenario editor produced another
script. grinning as he cleaned its inf
mite possibilities. Here Ii one where
the embalping fluid explodes and"
Nothing doing," declared the boss
''The censorship board would never pass
It; they'd be afraid II might start an
epidemic OF embalming fluid blowups."
The scenario editor resumed his search.
This one Is from a young lady in Kan
sas. It's about a hen that won't lay un-
less she hears Lohengrin's wedding march
played on the music box in the parlor OF
the farmhouse"
The boss grinned cynicaily. The idea
amt bad" he mused. IT'S got the nov
city stun spread on thick. The only
trouble Is that you can't put much mu-
sic into a canvas You might study 1t
out and work II into one of those Uni
versal Ike things. That's the kind OF
stun they eat alive and holler for more
Get busy. and be sure you have a good
part for Gus He's been threatenin' to
go over to the Paddit people"
The boss left the scenario editor to his
writing pad and vivid imagination The
sad faced young man who had made mil
lions laugh-though he seemed In immi-
nent danger of bursting into tears
leaned back In his chair and scowled at
a 22x2s likeness of the greatest moving
picture actor in captivity. There were
times when the anaemic young scenario
editor would have boiled him in oil. for
Gus. who on the advertising managers
Autographs was heralded as the greatest
screen comedian of the day. did moth
ing but act like an idiot before the cam
era, harvesting the credits for all the
laughs worked out by the scenario edi-
tor in the sweat of his brow. The boss
had told him to give Gus a good role.
The sad-faced young man smiled mall
evidently and swore by several thousand
feet Of film that he would do it He
would make Gus sweat and squirm and
and fume-it would serve him right He
would give him a hod-carrier's role and
make him lug a ton Of bricks up ten
flights of stairs. No. that wouldn't do
the property man would be sure to make
the bricks of painted cardboard. He
would make him a camel and force him
to drink nothing but water for a week.
But that was equally bad, for though
Gus had impersonated bears and mon
keys with great success, physiological
limitations might hamper his genius IN
the role of a camel
Then a neat little idea flashed in the
mind of the scenario editor. 1t was sug-
gested by the lady in Kansas and the
musicaIly inclined hen. He would write
scenario that would make the boss
laugh himself TO death. 1t would be a
feather in the scenario editors cap
more than that. 1t would be a whole
aurora borealis. He began to scratch
the pad with an impassioned pencil.
First the characters:
Universal Ike, a lazy. good for nothing
young fellow. looking for a wife who will
support him.
The Widow. a determined. Amazonic
for work: selfish and has a mind Of her
own: knows a thing or two 0rom expert
ence. of course), about the proper han
ding of lazy husbands.
The scenario editor leaned back in his
chair and smiled. So far his work was
good. The theme of the plot. of course.
would be Ike's aversion to real work and
the widows determination to make him
earn his salt There must be plots and
,1rr.
must triumph in the end-otherwise there
would be no moral TO adorn the tale.
How bring II about? The idea fairly
slzzled in the scenarios fertile mind.
thanks to the lady in Kansas. Racing
a Marathon with his inspiration he pro-
ceeded to develop the great idea
The widow owns a chicken ranch"
he thought. Determined to fool her
lazy husband, who thought he had married
a steady income. she makes Ike labor
among the pullets. Ike revolts-all his
beian toil-but the hand that rules the
household rules Ike. Thus far the wild
ow has scored"
The editor eyed mischievously the like
ness of the staggering star OF screen
He would permit him to tri-
umph just long enough to make the
humiliation the more bitter.
He proceeded: Ike schemes to defeat
the widows determination to make
man of him. He decided to play on the
widows jealousy and begins to fiirt with
the neighbor's daughter. No, that won't
do; widows Of that kind refuse to harbor
jealousy. Let's see. He pretends he's
better. He makes an ac-
complice of the village doctor. who con-
vinces the widow that Ike is a paralytic.
that his condition is really serious. that
he must lie in bed all day and eat only
the most nourishing articles of food"
The scenario editor looked upon what
he had done and found 1t good. The pic
ture of the lazy husband lying in bed
eating eggs and drinking rich country
milk and rolling his eyes mischievously
at his Woodworking wife, would be ire
sistible. But the situation required elab
oration. He piled scene upon scene. eli
max upon climax. plot upSn plot until
he was perilously near the end OF his
!. 900 feet of film and found II necessary
to close with what the boss had called
the big wallop.
Again his pencil raced over the pad.
The widow Is determined that In spite
Of Ike's illness she will make him use
full. While feeding the hens one day she
a plan. She stops In the midst
Of the undertaking and laughs bolster
ously as the humor of the scheme dawns
upon her. Ike sits up In bed and won
lers at the sudden explosion Of mirth.
The wife runs into the house and re-
quests Ike to go into the parlor while
she changes the linen. Ike suspects a
plot against his bodily comfort and ease.
but obeys. Now for the last scene and
he big wallup.
.'Flash-several days later; Ike has
Jailed in every other line of endeavor,
fnCnhafnrs That