davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-09-18
LUKE M,LukE SAYS

From the Cincinnati Enquirer.
 Tell a lie to save man and the cnly thing he will ever be able to remember about you is that you are liar
 Some history may repeat itself. But your neghbors will attend to repeating your history.
 They are making wedding rings out of platinum because it wears longer than gold. But ring made of snow would outlast some of the modern matrimonial alliances.
 You can't always tell. A man may not wear long whiskers because he thinks they make him look handsome. Maybe his wife buys his neckties.
 A scientist claims that man has six times more lung capacity than he needs. This scientist must have examined suf- fragette who was masquerading in men s clothes.
 Every man has his followers, even if they are only bill collectors. Every time a woman reads one of her husbands old love letters she wonders where Ananias ever got a right to rose as a real liar. You may have noticed that the man who has horseshoe nailed over the door of his house is usually a fellow who ha $ to work hard and never has dime of his own.
 It Is funny that girl can be as giace- full as a nymph when she is dancing and yet get off street car like COW.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-09-18

feet, five inches; the average weight
 10 stones. Ordinarily a stone is
 equivalent to IA pounds, but this weight varies.
 Among English, Scotch and Welsh navvies examined the average height was five feet, eight inches, and the average weight 12 stones, 2 pounds. Iron and steel workers at Durham were on an average of five feet, seven inches high, and weighed 12 stones, 2 pounds. These, however, might be classed among indoor workers to a large extent. Salmon fishermen aver aged five feet, nine inches, with an average weight of 13 stones, 1 pound. Navvies of County Kerry had an aver age height of five feet, nine inches and an average weight of 12 stones, Il pounds. The average height for all was five feet, eight inches, and the average weight was 12 stones, 4 pounds.
 It can be seen by these figures that the outdoor workers are on an averap pe three inches taller and two stones. four pounds heavier than the indoor workers.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-09-18
No Advantages to Either Side

In the absence of details of the fighting on the Franco-German from tier there is little to be said. Specula- tion is idle until some inkling of how the battle is going is allowed to pass the censor. In the light of dispatches yesterday it is practically certain that the fight rages without material ad- vantage to either side. The allies de- clare the situation is little changed and the reports from Berlin have proved to be so uniformly unreliable that little credence will be placed in the German claim of victories.
 Those who expected the allies to drive the Germans headlong from France should remember that the tax upon the formers strength has been as severe as upon the retreating Teu- tons. Despite the artificial exhilira- tion of victory human flesh has it's limits and the French and British have approached that limit. Then, too, the Germans are strongly entrenched in positions which are naturally fa- vorable to defensive operations.
 It is probable that the allies will be successful in dislodging the Germans but before they do so they will pay a fearful toll.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-09-18
Crops and Business

"One of the most comprehensive sur- veys of crops and of business conditions published recently is that compiled and issued in pamphlet form by the Continen- tai and Commercial bank of Chicago" said a member of the Chamber of Com merce.
 While most of it's crop estimates are in accordance with facts later obtained, there iS one noticeable mistake. Under the head of cotton 1t is stated that the great export crop promises only a fair yield this year, due to a poor start all over the belt. The fact is that this year s cotton crop is almost up to the record breaker of 1911. At any rate, the total crop will go above the 14,0O0,OO0 bale mark. The United States agricultural department inclines to the opinion that we will have 15.G00,006 bale crop. On the whole, the Chicago pamphlet is well worth reading .''
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-09-18
IDLE. OPINIONS.

The tramp who once satd that it is pleasant to be tramp after you lose your self-respect. explained the situation in . nutshell.
 You can't always tell whether CT not girl is shallow. ct the first glance. but you can always tell whether or not you can see through her.
 The boy who spends most of hls time smoking cigarettes may burn down few barns. but he'll never set the world on fire.
 The way of the transgressor Is full of misleading sign posts. for every one os them reads. You can't turn back"
 What the average woman knows about her neighbors would fill book, but it isn't worth printing.
 One form of attachment that Is always sincere is the kind the sheriff makes.
 Most people seem to think that after man has gone to seed he isn't worth cul- tivating. PC.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-09-18
THE END OF SUMMER

 By Madison Cawein.
 noons Bright manuscript las tur6cd her per- fumed face Toward Fall and waits, heart heavy. for the moons Pale fewer to take her place With eyes distraugh. and dark, dishcv- eled hair The Season dons a tattered cloak of storm And waits with Night that. darlly. seems to share
 Her trouble and alarm. It Is the close of Summer In the sky The sunset lit Q fire of drift and sat Watching the last Day. robed in empire. die
 Upon the burning ghas. The first leaf crimsons and the last rose And Night goes stalking on. her cloak of rain Dripping, and followed through her haunted halls
 By all Deaths phantom train. The sorrow of the Earth and all that dies. And all that suffers. in her breast she bears; Outside the House of Life she stops and cries
 The burden of her cares Then on, the window knocks with haggard hands, Her tree-like arms to Heaven wildly hurled; Love hears her crying: "who then un- derstands?
 Has God forgot the worldr'
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-09-18
---------------so ---so---------------- EUGENICS IN WISCONSIN,

From the Chicago Journal.
 There were 1854 fewer weddings in Wis., consn during the first five months of this year than during tho corresponding period of 1913. This decrease is laid entirely to the new "eugenie' marriage law. Proba- bly, the effect of that law is even greater than these figures indicate. Until the out break of the war, this year has been a more prosperous one than last, and good times always mean an increase in the number of marriages.
 What has happened to the 5000 or 4o05 young people of Wisconsin whose natural and proper desire to found new homes has been checked by this new law?
 The well-to-do among them have made little excursion, and been married out side the state. That is a very easy .neth- cd of evasion for those who have the price.
 tracted common-law marriages, which, in the opinion of at least one judge. are not affected by the new law.
 A few more have decided to delay their nuptials for months or years. either in the definite hope of being married tside the state or in the vague expectation that something will turn up."
 A very few have broken off their en- agreements altogether.
 And some-let us hope, the number is not large-have formed irregular. clandes- tine unions. .
 The mating instinct is too strong to be curbed by any law. It can be guided and regulated only; and even this cannot be dorc with advantage unless the law is backed by a strong. enlightened public orinion. The attempt to improve the race hy legal enactment instead of by educa- .iun k foredoomed to failure.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-09-18
straw Hats Disappear

appear last week and by the 18th of the month, last Tuesday, few straws were to be seen,' said an old citizen. T am still wearing straw headgear because I find it comfortable, but on Saturday I will don a felt hat, so as not to be locke upon as an eccentric person.
 T can recall the time when straw hats were worn in the south quite gen. eraly until the equinoctual season, but nowadays fashion has decreed that they must be thrown aside by the middle of September"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-09-18
GASOLINE vAPoR DANGEROUS
rom the Engineering Record.

From the Engineering Record
 aion occurred ,n the Thirty-third i,trce. trunk sewer in F,tsshurg. Tais explosion was of less magnitude and violence than that of November % last, the damage to the sewer and to property being slight. While this explosion was not in itsels extensive or disastrous, it serves to tndi- cate the imminent darser of rec1rrcnce of such explosions.
 It seems to be quite well established that most of the recent explosions are due to gasoline vapor, the discharge from both public and private garages being very largely blamed However, reports of explosions attributed to Illuminating gas accommodating both in sewers and cable conduits are not infrequent The baf- fling point in nearly ell cases is tlie canse of ignition.
 Whatever the cause of ignition. the one undeniable fact h that the increase in tho use of power propelled vehicles has been accompanied by an increase in the nun.- Der of sewer explosions. Tn New York city there were number of explosions some years ago. which resulted in the passage of stringent ordinances forbilding the discharge of any infiammable i,quids or gases into the sewers. and requiring all garages to install oil separators, traps or other similar apparatus for preventing volatile infiammable oils from flowing into the sewers. As result of these ordi- nances the number of explosions in recent years has been considerably reduced. The city of Washington has also stringent or dinance against the discharge of in- fiammable or explosive liquids into the sewerage system.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-09-18
To Pray for Peace

All active church members should, and I have no doubt will, urge upon their friends to attend services on Sunday, De- tober 4, in compliance with President Will sons proclamation asking the people of this country to assemble in places of wor- ship and pray for peace,' said citizen noted for his civic activities.
 Many people who are not in the habit of attending church have sincere respect for religion and for religious leaders, but no matter what the personal views of on-churchgoers may be, they should strain point to attend on October 4. l understand that the Rotary club has taken up this matter and will make an active canvass to see that all of the churches are filed"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-09-18
A Great Oratorio

T was glad to read in The Age-Herald that chorus of about 15o voices under the baton of MT. Rienzi Thomas would sing Haydn's Creation in one of the churches on December 2o," ssid music lover
 This is one of the old master works that will always be fresh and appealing. It was rendered in Birmingham some years ago under the drectorship of MT, Benjamin Guckenbes ger. There was a chorus of about 125. with the Boston Fes- tival orchestra. accompanying. It was a very fine performance and judging from the excellen. work that MT Thomas ard his cnoruses have done. splendid treat Is in store for ali who enjoy high class mus sic"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-09-18
THE ENGLISH CENSOR

From the Baltimore Sun.
 A .L the war news printed in Eng
 "A land must first pass through the A hands of censor. The Right Hon. Frederick Edwin Smith has already found that this is not a wholly plea sa mt office. The other day, when the prime minister severely roasted" the London Times in Parliament for printing an un- fair and untrue article, the Times came back by showing that this article had been submitted to and passed by the cen .sor. The right honorable gentleman was thereby placed in a most uncomfortable position, but he grinned and bore it and did not answer back. Probably he had an answer, but if so, he suppressed it. It takes a strong man to do this.
 "F E.," as he is affectionately called by his supporters, was born in Birken- head, England, on July 12, 1872 He came from the sort of family that many peo- pie characterize as nobody in partic- ular," and this, combined with the fact that his family possessed little or noth- ing of this worlds goods, meant that if "F. E." intended to be made he would have to be self-made.
 As soon as he reached sufficient years to enable him to tackle this task he promptly proceeded to do so, and how good and hard he tackled it is shown by the position he has made for himself in England today.
 Through winning various scholarships he managed to educate himself practical ly without cost. He entered Wadham college Oxford, in 1890, and was elected president of that training ground for British statesmen, the Oxford union, three years later.
 Having received his degree and won first class final honors in Jurisprudence he took up teaching as lecturer :n modern history at Merton and Oriel After teaching for several years he decided to change over to the law as a more lucrative profession, especially as he had in the meantime married a parson' S daughter who by no means could qualify as member of the idle rich class. . As soon as he became a. barrister he was loaded down with briefs, owing to his Oxford reputation. and many dollars quickly joined the briefs, so that at the age of 31 he was IT. q position to indulge.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-09-18

to certain extent, his fondness for poll itics.
 His first attempt to get elected to Par liament failed, but in 1905 he was re- turned to that body as a conservative member for the Walton division of Liver pool. straight working class constitu- ency, and he has held that seat ever since. In spite of his youth, he received recognition in Parliament from the very first and shortly became the leader and hope of the die hard" or militant, wing Of the conservative party. His undisput- ed mastery of mordant wit and slashing lnvective enabled him to hold his own, and more than hold his own, against Lloyd-George and Winston Churchill. Even Mr. Asquith, master parlamenta- rian that he is. soon got wholesome respect for Smiths brilliant, cold, keen and analytical mind
 But It was not. in Parliament alone that he was recognized, for not since the days of Disraeli and the late Joseph Chamber lain have the conservatives had a man who. could stir up the enthusiasm of the laboring man as "F E." can When he said of 1loyd-Georg that even if he had made living dear, he had at any rate made gilt-edged British securities cheap he set all England chuclxling.
 At the time the Ulster question first arose he threw in his lot with Sir Ed ward Carson, and has been a leader in the anti-home rule movement second only to Carson himself. One factor alone has initiated against 'F. E.s'' phenomenalIy rapid rise. There is well-defined feeling that Smith is bit too clever and that he thinks a little too much of and for F. E. to be entirely trustworthy, and this feeling cannot be downeds F. E. Smith is a type of man uncommon, may be bit too uncommon In this country, the type of man who is brilliant, hard hitting, frank conservative, without . trace of dulness CT stodgincss about him. An absolutely self-inade man and the hardest sort of worker, he is earning, at the age of 42. about s75.OO0 a year from the practice of law and stands an excel tent chance of becoming prime minister of England Net he has consistently during his entire life made point of always affecting extreme Ianguor rather than extreme iiveness, and he prefers to impress people as being bored. rather Dttan busy.
 ing. you took day Of. today. didn't you?
 "'Yes, my son. tho lawyer answered How did you know?'
 The urchin wrinklcc np his little nose as hs said:
 '' You smell So of golf.'.'
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-09-18
HIS REASONING WAS GOOD

fTou llt-Dits.
 A certain young mans friends thought of coma. When, in ample time to avoid be- ing buried he showed signs of life, he was asked how it seemed to be dead.
 .'Deads' he exclaimed. q wasn't dead I knew all the time what was going on. And knew wasn't dead, too. because my feet were cold and I was hungry''
 But how did that fact make you think you were still alive?" asked one of the curious.
 well. this way knew that if were in heaven wouldn't be hungry. And if l be cold"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-09-18
THE SMELL OF GOLF
the Washington Star

From the Washington Star.
 "Our state is now drier. Let us hope our golf will now be drier. too.''
 The speaker was Mayor H. L. Kirk of Wheeling. He resumcd reproaches will hereafter be heard as that unconscious reproach which was di- rected by his little son last spring ';pon a Parkersburg lawyer.
 Pa. said the urchin. one spring even-
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-09-18

of them in fact-are earning their
 salaries and are justifying the req son why embassies are being main tained. Ambassadors will always be needed.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-09-18

maiden whose first name was Cert Went forth in a transparent skirt
 When people cried, 'Gee Do you know what we see?" She answered quite briefly. '.why. ,.srtp'
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-09-18
A yICToRy rOR yRUTu

From the Houston Post
 If MT. Underwood will give favorable consideration to the proposition to levy tax of sl pound in excess of eight pounds upon every baby born, we prom ise that the revenue will not be large, but that truth will have won a tremendous victory.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-09-18
Conil Mining i'm Kertucky

'"rhe coal business is fairly active at the present time." said W. T. Underwood Of Birmingham. who operates mines in Kentucky. Tt has been q good year with my company and the outlook is for even better business in the near future.
 T believe the coal trade In Alabama vii! be very brisk before the end of the year"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-09-18
INSPIRING WEATHER.

A Joyous time is autumn time, ,wlth breezes briskly blowing, ai.nougn the rose is past her prime r, ana dead leaves thiclxly strowing- Inc forest aisles. uprtend ere long
 Old Winters icy gripping nat puts an end to festive song ana the fun of outdoor tripping. sr soo.h, We shall not sigh for that. ,,. NOT straightway fall to weeping:
 flat, esa' Aie A ruddy fire upleapinr
 With bright and rosy siances, Anu nii each corner of the room
 With sweetest sorts of faneiesI
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-09-18
 CLEAR AZ tiUD

From the Pavenswood Citizen.
 Con.ections will he furnished to .hosc who are nonamokcrs and refreshments of Q more substantial nature to those who smoke, others who do not as well cs .o those whp do both.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-09-18

We'd like to wager our new fall hat that thousands of the Kaser's soldiers wish from the bottom of their hearts that they were back home eating pigs knuckles and sour krout.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-09-18

c. J. Hemphill has made an investiga- tion of prohibition in Maine and finds that wildcat whisky in Maine is even worse than his fancy pictured.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-09-18

The early musical shows indicate tiat the reported shortage of chorus girls was merely a press agents canard to frighten the front row habitues.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-09-18

Custom forbids the German ambassador at Washington from speaking to the French ambassador, but the chances are that they would like extremely well to compare notes
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-09-18

The Turkish war minister is becoming very polite. Still, according to occidental belief, when the Turk is most polite he is most dangerous.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-09-18

Berlin must be keeping a great deal of important news backs. or else the petro- grad dispatches should be taken with grain of salt.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-09-18

Tie Kaiser has decorated the Emperor of Austria, but at this distance 1t ia impossible to see what for.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-09-18

Now that the hoboes have condemned war. there is little more to he said cn the subject
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-09-18

Some people even go so far as to say the devil has turned things over to the rest
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-09-18

BEGINNING THE DAY-Grant, Lord, that I shall not faii Nc'i" to seIf-pity. Take all whine out oi me. Give me to stand up straight, to walk right on, to deal my oi""s ,r the open. to take my punishment like n man. For Chrisfs sahe' Amen.-H. M. E.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-09-18

Says a New York preacher, What this country needs for future peace is a dis ciplined army of 200,0O0 men and a navy of 50 battleships. In other words, we must be prepared for peace, in case we have to fight for it.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-09-18

A'Texas poet announces that he Is in the market for a bale of cotton. Such affluence among poets Is extremely rare.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-09-18
TOO TALKATIyE

TOO TALKATIvE A man may have the gift of gab And hope herewith to make a hit. But when he once begins to blab. He seldom knows the time to quit.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-09-18

It will soon be time for father to shake down the furnace. That's why the coal man appears pleased.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-09-18
WON'T STAY TOGETHER.

H-fHEh Don't you think great many mar- riages are due to propinquity?" Yes. And | great many dIvorces to the lack of It."
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-09-18

According to Boston judge. girl mas a right to keep an engagement ring, even after she has tilted the young man who gave it to her By so doing she prevents him from giving it to some other girl, but she shouldn't be so vindictiye.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-09-18
NOTHING SERIOUS.

You say she refused you when you proposed?"
 Yes, but I'm going to propose again In the words of the Germans. I consider that merely a local reverse"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-09-18
IN DOUBT.

Heres the latest news from Nish." Before proceeding further, please tell me If that's the name of town or a general"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-09-18

If the Prussian eagle isn't careful lie won't have a tail feather left.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-09-18

Galicia, which has been the scene of fierce fighting between the Russians and the Austrians, is the largest province in Austria. It is bounded on the north and east by Russia and on the south by ths Carpathian mountains, which separate it from Hungary, The province cs Norav.a bounds it on the west. 1t has long win ters anc heavy snowfall. It's springs are short and wet, its summers hot ana its eutGn1ns long. Gs..cia is said to nave the worst climate in Austria. The pr,nc,- pal agricultural products are barley, oats, rye, wheat, ine!z. and ieguminous plants. Among the minerals 1t produces salt. coal. zinc and sulphur. + also produces petro- leum and makes about 4e ger cent of the total output of spirits in Austria. Galicia manufactures lumber, paper, su- gar and cloth. According to a recent cen sus the province had population of S,e22,- l26 It was given to Austria on the first division of Poland in 1772. West Galicia was added in 1795 and Cracow in 1s46.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-09-18
A TOUGH TME-

''You look down in tho mouth"
 q ought to. -A dentist has been flown in my moutss all morning''
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-09-18
virxinia,s Prohibition Csmn.iwn

''lf the prohibition campaign in Vir- ginia was lacking in excitemen%a a few months ago, 1t is not so now,p said John r. Easton of Washington, D. C. Little else is talked about in the Old Dominion.
 'I have never taken much Interest in the prohibition question, although as a democrat my opinion is that local option is good democratic doctrine Is far better than statewide prohibition.
 T spent three days in Virginia re- gently, and from what I could learn the local optionists will win in the election which Is to take place next Monday. There is very little wet territory in Virginia now, but the anti-saloon' league seeks to make ths entire state dry Un- tsl Governor Stewart came out strongly against statewide prohibition the indica- tione were that the state~widers would win, but tke tide has turned anI turned well. The local option cause will prob ably win by a majority of frem eight to ten thousend.v