Newark evening star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1909-1916, 1914-07-14
In Land of Jokedom

Talk isn't SO cheap when you have
to take It back.
Push won't win If its expended on
saloon doors.
Some men are loose in their morals
though they get tight.
The soda water clerk is justified
in declaring LIES a fzzle.
Paradoxicaliy. it's the fresh guy
VINO is always spelling for a night.
IT you stand too much on vour
dignity you are likely to break It.
A barber. after scraping away tn
a,lstrlonsly Tor few moments, made
the usual inquiry:
Razor, all right. sir?'
Ny good man, if you hadn't men
toned It I should never have known
there was razor on my face"
The barber bearned.
Thank you. sir" he said.
No, added the customer reaec-
lively I should have thought you
We're using a file."
An Atehison man. who never hs1d
one job over two weeks, died not long
ago, and people said be was a genius
out Of his sphere. When he was alive
they said he was a loafer.
You're not putting up the game
We expected OF you" said the base
ball fan, reproachfuIIy.
Be reasonable" replied the F.ni.
nent Player. @Tve had to mt inter z.,.s,-
my lawyer and sit for photoeranf,e.
and keep my secretary supplied with
material for literary work. NOT -
mention looking out for stuff for nv
monologue next winter A man cant
Do everything at once. Washington
Star. =
Heat prostration will get man at
the lawn-mower Just four times a.
quick as It viii on the bleachers.
VIVA. What DC DO IT, they mean By the last
!. 1E p. the component parts
OF the hash"
An old Scottish gardener va.
showing 10 a tourist the beauties n
the loch and Of the little village 81
Duddingston- It was evening. and
as ne expatiafed on the lovely seems
and on the glorles of his country the
moon rose over the hill. The Oh
man stopped short in the middle 81
a sentence and gazed at the moon r,
admiration Then he turned to the
tourist and said:
There's a moon for YET I ten Te.
men, we're grand nation.r --Ex-
change.
The swiftest dog IN the world. f1,&
Russian wolfhound. has made rec
ord runs that show twentvzfoi1r
yards TO the second. while the ga
zelle has shown measured speed ar
more than twenty-seven yards a sec
ond.
The Penci1--You ought to hs
ashamed OK yourself They say Voaz
have always TO be driven before you'll
work
The Pen-How about yourselfz
The Pencil-Oh. I'm Ex-
change.
How fat Eileen Is getting zzsd
the young man. Il think it a shame
for girl to take on flesh that way ,
You shouldn't say that to me-
protested the young woman arclly.
II am little plump myself. ynu
know"
Il know. I know" he FASTENED On
to apologize. But its ali right with
YOU J. mean it's a shame when .
girls young. cleveland Plain Deal
er.
How did it happen that yo4s
friends got the best of you" querfed
the inQulsltive person.
They got busy while I was watch
ing my enemies" explained the man
who had got the short end Of it,
Chicago News
In the fall Of 1913 a man named
Smith was running for sheriff against
a man named Jones. One evening
just before election Smith rode up
to the barnyard of an old farmer.
The farmer was milking a COW and
was having difficulty with 1ustv
calf that continually tried to butt
in. The candidate, to gain the favor
of the farmer. took the calf between
his legs and held it until the milk
ing was done. He then introduced
himself Il am Mr.. Smith, the Re-
publican candidate for sheriff OF this
county. I suppose you know the
man who's running against me2,'
The farmers eyes twinkled as he
slowly drawled: WAL. I reckon