South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1914-03-10
STATESMEN
REAL AND NEAR
BY FRED C. KELLY.

WASHINGTON, March 1O.-An in
teresting bit OF phenomena is Speak
er Clark's way of greeting a visitor
in his private Office
When he is engaged in thought, the
speaker slides down In a big leather
chair until he is sitting on the small
of his back, and gazes abstractedly at
a newspaper spread across his lap.
A visitor enters Champ looks up,
draws his eyes down 10 a narrow lit
tie owl-like slit and drawls: Come
in"
Now, the way he says that Come
in indicates just how welcome the
visitor is.
II he says il almost pleasantly, that
indicates only a moderate feeling of
hospitality and the visi OF would bet
ter not tarry too long. But let us
suppose, on the other hand, that the
speaker stretches ont his Come in"
into an unusually long drawl-with a
slight rising infection on the come"
and a slow downward infection to
the 'in'-and that, in addition. his
tone is one seemingly of great veXa-
ton. Suppose, further. that he also
drawls a prolonged sit down-n."-
IL
you standing there for. when there
are chairs?"
In that case the visitor is plenty
welcome ard can stay as long as he
sees fit. For the speaker reserves his
gruffest tones for those he likes best.
Representative Humphreys of
Washington got up in the house one
bright, crisp afternoon last month
and painted a dismal picture of the
woe and desolation wrought by the
Humphreys predictions. 1t looked like
a question of an absurdly short time
until practically every business insti-
tuition would be forced into ruin, and
a store or factory with it's doors open
would be so unusual as to be pointed
out from the sightseeing vans.
A day or so after that, Humph-
rey's wife set out on a little shopping
expedition, and the first store she
tried to enter was locked up without
so much as a placard on the front
door. She tried another big store,
and another, and they, too. had been
locked up, presumably by the sheriff.
All was woe and desolation, just as
her husband had predicted. Sadly she
went home to tell her husband that
his dismal forecasts had already
come true.
No" said Humphreys, gloomily,
"I fear we can't blame the democrats
for the closed doors today. rms is
Washington's birthday"
One cannot always tell when one IS
getting ones self into a serious
scrape.
when Representative Samuel Smith
OF Michigan was serving on the DIS
trict of Columbia committee, one OF
the district commissioners came ana
asked him TO introduce a bill they
had drawn up TO stop the fying OF
kites within the District or Columbia.
The idea was TO eliminate the danger
of fires from kites sent up with IAN
terms on the tail.
Somebody on the committee had
TO Introduce the bill, if it was TO be
passed. and Smith innocently dropped
He thought no more about it until
he got home for the fall campaign
and then he found that there was
the very divvle to pay.
The opposition had learned or the
kite act introduced TO congress under
Smiths name, and were busily max
ing il appear rot only that Smith was
opposed to letting little boys have the
simple pleasure of flying kites, but
that the bill was all he could think
of in the way to helpful legislation.
Smith barely escaped being defeat
ed that year, and all on account OF
the kite bill. that he had carelessly
allowed TO be wished on him.
Visitors to the white house one
morning recently found Joseph p.
Tumulty. the presidents secretary,
seated at his desk with a newspaper
before him. laughing and chUckling
at a great rate. After few minutes
he began to get control OF himself
again and was able to tell what ne
was laughing at.
Here is the explanation;
For several weeks and even months
while the tariff bill was pending, a
certain New Jersey wooden manutac-
turer was an almost daily visitor al
the white house. He was on intimate
terms with all the New Jersey dele
cation. and Secretary Tumu!ty, and
there was nothing for Tumulty TO dc
each morning but listen to the tale
of woe the man had to tell. 1t seem
ed that the new tariff bill was golhs
To wreck the mans business and
place him and his family on the street
corners each with a little lineup foI
kind pedestrians to drop pennies IN
to. when the tariff bill finally pass
cd. The man departed with the air oil
one who has just suffered a total
loss.
Tumulty had forgot about his Jer-
sey friend and his misfortunes untlI
he CHANGED to pick up Jersey Clty
paper on the morning referred 70
and read a certain incOnspicuous 1T
tie item. 1t said that Tumulty :
friend was just about TO break
ground for a $1.000,00O addition to
his factory.