The Washington herald., 1914-02-22

choo and breeze out to Uncle Peter Grant
farm and bungalow in the wilds of Westminster,
which he calls Troolyrooral.
Just to even matter up Uncle Peter and his
wife visit us from time to time in our amateur
apartment in the Big Town.
Uncle Peter is very stout old gentleman
When he squeezes into our little fat the walls
act as if they were bowlegged.
Uncle Peter always goes through the fold
ing doors sideways, and every time he sits down
the man in the apartment below us kicks because
we move the piano so often.
Aunt Martha is Uncle Peters wife, and
she weighs more and breathes oftener.
When the two of them visit our bird cage
at the same time the janitor has to go out and
stand in front of the building with view to
catching it if it falls.
When we reached Troolyrooral we found
that Cousin Elsie" Schulz was also visitor
there.
Cousin Elsie" is sort of privileged char
acter i'll the family, having lived with Aunt
Martha for over twenty years as sort OF
housekeeper
They call her Cousin Elsie" just to make
it more difficult
Three or four years ago Elsie married Gus
tave Bierbauer and quit her job.
Cousin Elsie believes that conversation
was invented for her exclusive use, and the way
she can grab bundle of the English language
and break it up is caution
Language is the same to Elsie as siphon
is 10 a higll-ball-and that's whole lot.
Two years after their marriage, old Gus
had to sit on him.
The post-rnortem found out that Gustave
had died from a rush of words to his brain-pan
The coroner also found, upon further ex-
animation, that all of these words had formerly
belonged to Elsie, with the exception of few
which were once the property of Gustave's ia
vorte bartender.
After Gustave's exit, Aunt Martha tried to
get Elsie back on her job, but the old Dutch had
her eye on Herman Schulz, and finally married
him.
So now every once in a while Elsie moseys
from Plainfeld, n. J., where she lives with
Herman, and proceeds to sew lot of pillow
slips and things for Aunt Martha
One morning while Peaches and | were at
breakfast, Elsie meandered in, bearing in her
hand wedding invitation which Herman had
forwarded to herzf from Plainfeld.
Being, as | say, a privileged character, she
does pretty much as she likes around the bum
galooza.
Elsie read the invitation: ''AIr. and Mrs.
p, IL L. (
presence at der marriage of DER daughter, Yer
bena, to Galalad Sctnalzenberger, at der home
OF der brides parents Plainfeld, N. ]. March
Sixteenth R. S. " P"
Well" said Elsie, Il know der Camden
kurds und l know DER daughter, Verbena, und
dSnow Galahad Schmalzenberger; he's floor
walker in Bauertaupt's grocery store, but l
doan'd know vot it is dot R. S. V. P. YETI
gently kicked Peaches on the instep under
the table, and said to Elsie, well, that is new
one on me- Are you sure it isn't B. & O. or the
c. r. r. of N. J.? I've heard of those two rail-
roads in New Jersey, but / never heard of the
r. 5. V. P.''
For the first time in her life since she's
been able to grab sentence between her teeth
and shake the pronouns out OF it Elsie was
faxed
She kept looking at the invitation and say
ing to herself, "R. S. V. P. Vot is it? l know
der honor of your presence; know der brides
parents, but don't know R. S. V. P.''
All that day Elsie wandered through the
house muttering to herself: 'R. S. V. P! Vot
is it? 1s'it some secret between the bride und
groom? r. S. V. P. 1t ain'd my initials, be-
cause they begin init E. S. Vot is dot R. S. v.
P? Vot is it? Vot is it,"
That evening we were all at dinner when
Elsie rushed in with cry of Joy. 81 got itn
she said Il hat united der meaning of dot R.
5. V. P. 1t means Real Silver Wedding Pres
.ntsr'
l was just about to drink a glass of water,
20 | changed my mind and nearly choked to
leath.