The Washington herald., 1914-04-26
MODERN FAIRY TALES
Some Specimens of How the Fairies Work 1t

Junianta McGregor stood by the bed
side of a dying father and mother.
| They had both been run down by the
same auto while crossing the street to
a department store to buy Sl.J0 umbrella
| for 90 cents.
The merchant had had a tip that it
| was never going to rain again. and he
| was prepared To close out his stock OF
rain-shedders and invest in dustpans.
| There was a lady Iva the auto that run
the couple down, and when the chauffeur
would have halted she commanded:
Go on, Go on Why do you stop for
a little thing like that
But why not stop and rob the corpses?'
! protested the driver.
| Because I'm in a hurry to try on a new
hat. Get along
The police could find no clew.
| The new hat was a daisy.
| The chauffeur marked down: Nos. 7
and s. for that week.
| There wasn't much fuss made over the
! funeral. There never is over amy one fool
| enough to start across the street with
an auto within half a mile Of them.
! The daily press devoted six lines to the
sad affair and sixty TO the loss Of
I poodle.
What should do? What can do"
| moaned Miss Junianta as she sat in her
boudoir after the funeral.
| She had a large circle of friends but
they had no money to lend. Only a single
one OF the scores came near her. He was
real estate agent who owned a marsh
on Long Island and advised her to buy
| lot OF him and go TO raising frogs.
! Am | deserted by alI?' walled the
orphan.
You are not,' answered a voice. and a
deputy city marshal stood before her.
| Not only was there six months back
! htrf fIF a
been mortgaged by Mr.. McGregor to take
! a flyer in wheat. Wheat had flown. and
| so had his money.
NO. you are not deserted by ALL" re-
| peated the deputy. Il come to give you
| pointer. In two weeks this house -
to be torn down TO make room for
theater Make your hike before they
| begin to rip of the shingles"
| But where can | co. sobbed the girl.
| Have YOU no relatives
Not one. They ali died when the
| income tax bill came in
| Its a sad case. hut I cant help YOU
I out. II you were only cook
But am. You oght to see the Welsh
| rarehits | have cooked an alcohol
! lamp
! Then the problem il solved. Sit down
| and answer some ~ the Cooks Wanted.
AS cook you can live high. dress well
and boss the house. and any time you
| threaten to quit they will raise your
wages another five dollars month W.
! can get along without poets. statesmen
| or artists. but We must have the family
| cook. Have IT understood right 1t the
start that you INST have your own auto
to drive out in. and that all inquiries
| for you shall he al the front door. Also,
| that should you and your mistress meet
/ al Sherry's she is to bow first"
| II seemed good advice TO the orphan
| girl and she acted on il. Was il tate
! that directed her to the mansion Of the
| very lady whose auto had knocked her
| parents galley west? II must have been
i the same fate that uncovered the high
| way graft in the State Of New York.
When Junianta had stated the terms
| on which she would conduct the man
| sion the lady burst out with.
| How dare you. you impudent hussy,
| The cooks Of this town must be taught
a lesson. and will begin on you"
And she took Junianta by the ear
and slammed her to the department Of
pots and pans. and threatened her with
death If she tried TO quit jhe Job.
Something seemed to tell that lady that
that the girl had been orphaned by her
auto. and instead Of melting her heart
| ii hardened il.
Junianta was made To- sleep on the
washtuhs in the laundry.
II she started to chin with the milk
man there was a row.
II she smiled at the iccman she was
thumped.
II she wrote a note TO the police
asking them to rescue her and wrapped
il around a haIf-dollar il was picked
up by a junk man and never heard OF
again.
when you see the auto Of a lady
prancing Up or down Fifth avenue
Little do YOU know what is gong on
in that lady's kitchen.
II the mysteries and secrets NJ that
department were laid hare {" tn"
world there would he a shUdder from
tho north pole 10 the south.
Not that Junianta did not try to es-
cape from her prison. on one occasion