The Washington herald., 1914-11-01
THE PARADISE FLATS
The JanitOr Has More Talk With the Grocer

''Und she had six wattermelons7'' ab
sently queried the fat little grocer.
"Six big watermelons, Mr.. wasserman
and each primed with bottle OF clare
and kept in an. ice box for three days
There were forty bon ton people at the
! feast, the very cream Of society. Not
/ hint had reached the barber's wife or tn,
countess, and when the swagger begal
to swagger in there was Consideration
in Paradise Flats. 1t was a cold cut OIL
the two women. and they were too veal
! IN the knees to stand up. Yes, fort
swagger guests, and some OF the womeT
had shirt waists on that cost at least s
apiece. i myself counted at least eigh
pairs OF tan shoes 10 that gathering, and
all but three or four or the gentlemen
had collars on. An accordion Furnished
delightful strains, and all the gas globeI
were covered with red paper"
'.Und il vhas some success7"
1T was, in two ways In the first
place, the gathering was all It could be
hoped to be, and In the next, not q per
son gave himself away. You see, every
one Of those melons was as green al
grass, and the claret soured them till
they were like pickles Mrs. OSullivan
went as white as chalk when the first
melon was cut and found to be as hard
as a rock and as tRsteless as an old
in a way that would melt your heart.
Swagger Is as swagger does, Mr.. Was
serman-'
But vhas some green melon swagger.
Mr.. SprockettT' asked the grocer.
MOT exactly, but what did those swag-
ger people do when they found them
green? Just turned right in and devoured
the whole six, just to save the feelings
Of the hostess Yes, sir, the melons were
cut up and passed around. and everybody
ate >snd smacked his lips and said he
had never tasted anything 50 good It
took them an hour to down those melons.
but they left nothing but the rinds. II
they had been stuffed with cotton, II
would have been the same. Swell so
ciety never makes any blunders, Mr..
Wasserman."
But one time eat green watermelon
und haf collie"
That's another point, Mr.. wasserman
-the greatest point Of all" said the jani-
tor in a whisper.
Don't you give the thing away for love
or money. but I'm telling you that every
one of those forty guests had collie to
beat the band before the last melon was
down They grew pale and twitched and
shuddered and wiggled around, but not
one of them let out hint of what was
the matter. Swagger society never gives
itself away, not even when 1t has the
collie
''Und did dey suffer-
You bet they did. Some Of them were
almost tied up in knots with the pains
but they laughed and smiled most of the
time. The party broke MP early. but no.
body mentioned cole They had all sorts
of excuses, and some of them were dou-
bled up as they went out, but were game
to the last. They went out saying what
an enjoyable time they had had and what
luscious thing a watermelon Is, and
neither the barber's wife or the countess
caught on to- the thing. That party al
most broke their hearts, and they haven't
been out Of the house for the last two
days"
''Und vhill something's more happenZ'
'Oh, Of course. Mrs. Harrington Is go
ing to give a 'possum bake early next
month, and the countess will follow with
a candy pull and popcorn festival You
may crush woman for day or two,
but she won't stay crushed"
Cant nobody do somet'ings?" asked
the grocer as he put two cucumbers in
bag for the janitor.
I'm afraid not, Mr. wasserman."
"Und she must go right on?'' .
TT looks that way"
''Vhell, it was awful, und 1 don't like
it. I like eaferbody to go right on und
be good und go oop to heafen when he
dies. und sooch badness makes my heart
ache, 'und I haf some tears In mine eyes
when sells two" cans OF peaches for
25 cents!"