The gazette-times. [volume] (Heppner, Or.) 1912-1925, 1914-04-30

What are doing out of it," the
grave-digger replied calmly.
| Al TYPICAL old-time uncle" Of
GN Washington was overheard re-
Gently enlightening a colored visitor
from the Blue Ridge mountains Of
Virginia on the way congressman take
office.
AN dey swears on de book dat
deyll sport de New-nited States, do
dey?" the visitor asked.
Nav, subj" said uncle. 'Dey
sport dem as long as dey kin mex
en-"
II TITLE GRACE, who had recently
I'd entered school, brought home
some pumpkin one day and told
her mother that the teacher sa.@ that
although the seed was white the
pumpkin would be yellow.
"And what will the color Of the
vines be-" her mother asked.
Grace replied that the teacher had
not taught her that yet.
II know, dear, but we have pump
kin vines in our garden and you must
know what color they are"
"Oh, of course l do, mother. but
we amt expected to know anything
until we're taught" replied Grace,
convincingy.
MIR MATLAX was cruising with
Ml party to Cape May and became
interested in the picturesque attire of
an old salt in sailor attire who board
ed the steamer during one Of her
stops.
He was of a very retired disposi-
ton, evidently being entirely engrossed
in his surroundings. He gazed afar
until the next landing was in sight,
when he arose, and took from the
folds of his blouse a large telescope,
and proceeded to sweep the horizon.
Then he turned, doffed his cap, and
courteously passed the glass to the
ladies. Upon returning 1t Mrs. Mat
lax remarked
That is an excellent telescope you
have"
Yes, indeed it be, miss" he replied.
THAT there scope was given to me
by Lord Nelson
"Nelson?" repeated Mrs. Matlax.
why, he's been dead nearly hund-
red years."
We'll, / declare" exclaimed the old
salt tar. COW the time do fly"
T7T7 E was stranger from the noun
l6l tain country some miles back, in
5S a Southern state, and he called
at the postoffice and asked for the
postmaster. He was told by the clerk
that the postmaster was not in.
when will he be in?" was asked
The postmaster would be in within
half an hour. rs there anything
can do for you?' the clerk asked
mo, l want to see the postmaster" ?"
After a while the man came back
and asked again for the postmaster
He's not back yet the clerk told
him. rs there anything | can do for
you, or can l tell him something when
he comes?"
mo, there amt nuthin' you can do,
and l wisht the postmaster was here.
want to see if there's any mail for
me, and I'm gettin' in a hurry"
II TITLE Evelyn had received many
l1 pretty birthday gifts "I think
you are very fortunate little girl,
said her aunt, when | was small
was thankful to get even one birth
day present"
"Oh, dear replied Evelyn with a
shudder, I'm glad l didn't live in
Bible times"
M TRAVELLER who bel.evetd him
9A self to be sole survivor Of a ship
wreck upon cannibal isle hid for
thre days in terror of his life. Driven
out by hunger, he discovered thin
wisp of smoke rising from clump of
bushes inland Crawling carefully
along the ground to study the type OF
savages before making his presence
known he overheard one of the group
say: why in hell did you play that
card?"
He dropped on his knees and de-
voutly raising his hands cried.
"Thank God, they are Christians "
Al BISHOP fthe Methodist Church
II II III, \,