The Washington herald., 1914-11-01
IT IS TO LAUGH!
By JosEPH ?. ANNIN.

! After a term as prosecuting attorney
in the rough early days Of Nome, Alas
ka, Key Pittman. now junior Senator
from Nevada. found himself in command
of a large criminal law practice. Among
his clients often were leaders Of the
lawless element, who turned to him to
get them out OF trouble. Frequently they
failed to pay him for his services, and
| Pittman wearied OF working for nothing.
Coal was sold largely by the sack. and
was very valuable. Shortly after the
arrest of n notoriously shady character
: for the theft OF $50 OF these precious
sacks, one OF the accused mans pals
| came to Pittman to retain his services
Look here. Jack" replied Pittman.
! I'm tired of working for you crooks for
nothing. I'm neither a millionaire nor a
philanthropist You get some one else to
defend Chick"
We've got the stuff to do it."
| "Is Chick innocent?" queried Pittman.
! Sure. he's as innocent as a babe, "
/ came the encouraging reply.
What kind Of an alibi has hep
ANY kind you want"
How many Witnesses have you for this
alibI?"
| HOW many do you want?
Well, how much do l get for defend
ing him.
Mr.. Pittman. II you get Chick of, wen
give you half the coal"
! In the terrific heat OF Baltimore in
July. William F. Moore. of indianapolis.
was watching proceedings at the Bal
timOre convention with the sister OF Rep
resentative Korbly. of Indiana. When
Moore complained of the heat his COM
panion merely enthused over the pros
poets for Wilson nomination.
Why, l can't understand why yoU
complain Of the heat when everything
Is going so smoothly" she demonstrated.
Il don't feel the heat at all"
We'll" grumbled Moore, you'll be a
long time in purgatOry before you fnu
1t out
Representative John Burnett of Ala
bama. is the smallest man-in stature
In the House. and probably the smallest
who ever entered that body. Although
he stands less than three feet ten inches
in height, his body is comparatively large
from the waist up.
Burnett was defending a case in a
small Alabama town before a new Judge.
He was seated with other lawyers behind
table. When the time came he pushed
table and addressed the court.
May IL please your honor" he COM
menced-
The court leaned over and looked at
him with knitted brOws.
Mr.. Burnett. | understand you have
been a member OF the bar here FOR some
years Have you not learned that an
attorney should arise when addressing
the court? l am surprised at this act Of
diSCpuTteSy on your part
Burnett Grinned broadly and pushed
the table away from him.
Your honor. am all here. and on my
feet
The court was rrofuse in its apologies,
Auxiliary Bishop O'Donoghuc and CO.
adjutor Bishop Chartrand. when both
belonged to the Indianapolis diocese,
launched into a good-natured discus
sion OF the merits of their two time
pieces one afternoon.
Finally. as though 10 end the discus
sion. Bishop O'DonoghUe wound up:
But there can be no question as to
which is the better watch. I have
Faith in mine"
And even that does not conclude II"
quickly retdrned Bishop Chartrand. 81
have Good Works in mine"
Edward b Clark. the brilliant corre-
spondent OF the Chicago Post is one OF
Col ROosevelt's close personal friends,
He l. an Ornithologist of wide reading
and experience. and formerly spent hours
in the White House discussing birds and
bird lore with President Roosevelt.
When the colonel made his sensational
entrance into Chicago just prior to the
opening OF the last Republican cOnven
ton he was escorted to the Congress
Hall Hotel by a cheering throng. He
found his anteroOm crowded almost
TO suffocation. Among those who were
waiting for first word with the colonel
were all his political lieutCnants, includ-
ing the seven Progressive governors. or
course Clark was there looking for news
After a brief address to the throng in
the street, Roosevelt retired to his in
ner office and closed the door. Short
ly after the door opened and disclosed
the colonel Every nerve was tensed in
the select but numerous gathering.
is Ed Clark here" QUeried the high
pitched voice of the colonel.
Clark elbowed his way through the
door. which closed behind him. Pic
lures of a big scoop, a momentOus an
nouncement-almost every logical eXpec-
tation-fashed through Clark's mind as
he shook hands and dropped into a chair
by the colonel. The colonel was no less
tsnsed than Clark. He leaned over, grasp
ed his visitors knees, screwed up his
features.
Clark" he asked. why have the
house wrens left Oyster Bay"
And seven governors. to say nothing
OF campaign managers and others, cool
ed their heels while Clark and the COL
onel discussed the habits OF the house
wren.
Senator Stone is the leading exponent
at the Capitol of absolute neutrality. He
is chairman of the Foreign Relations
Committee. But here's one that stumped
him.
The German waiter who usually at
tends to the Inner man" for the SEN
ator, finally managed to pluck up cOur-
age to approach the latter on a non
neutral subject.
Senator" he boasted, I'VE can lick
the English and French; already we
have wiped out Belgium; and we can
whip the Russians and Cossacks. But
its those d-ned allies that bother us"
MODERN BELIEVER IN GHOSTS.