The Richmond Virginian. (Richmond, Va.) 1910-1920, 1914-02-15
DECLARES DOLLAR
DIPLOMACY DEAD
Apt ALTERATION Ayers Dreadful
Democrat Did Deed-Grid-
iron Dinner.
President. Politicians, Pencil
Pushers and Predatory Pr
rates Are Pleased-Watchful
Waiting Demonstrated.

winter dinner Of the Gridiron club
was held at the New willard hotel to-
night The illness of President Will
son again prevented him from at
tending the dinner.
Vice. President Marshall once more
had the pleasure OF serving as presi-
dent OF the United States at least for
one evening. That was the view the
club took of meeting the emergency
caused by the presidents absence.
They declared Mr.. Marshall president
for the purpose OF the evenings en-
tertainment. and he responded gal
lantly
1t is seldom that so many we'll
known men are found at one BAN
quet board as gathered tonight ct
the Gridiron dinner. Besides the vice.
president. there were the ambassadors
from Germany and Austria Hungary.
Attorney General McReynoida and
Postmaster-Ge Burleson. three
railroad presidents: Underwood. Of the
Erie: willard. Of the Baltimore and
Ohio. and Harrison. OF the Southern.
Governor Walsh. of Massachusetts,.
was on hand. and Governor Tener, OF
Pennsylvania, had laid aside his
baseball troubles long enough to Join
In the festivities. District Attorney
Whitman also had dropped the graft
hunt to come to Warrington to learn
what the Gridironers thought of him.
And Some Ffnancacrs.
And then there were just 4 lot of
plain ftnAnciers. like John D. Arch
bold. John D. Rockefeller. Jr.. James
Speyer. Charles s. Case, Frank A.
vanderlip. Joseph w. Hartman.
Thomas +. Ryan. and Charles 8.
Pond. The club had arranged for
rpArfuf nf fhaaa
representatives OF predatory wealth"
They got the quill pens with which
the constitution OF peace had been
signed at the White House.
As the guests flled into the banquet
hali they found at each plate a bunch
of comic valentines In honor OF the
day. Each page contained cartoon
Of one Of the guests. with an accom-
panying verse. This was the 4attri-
sons valentine:
The applause OF listening ssna.es to
When senates do not snerely iaud.
but listen;
To have a certain party eat out OF
his hand.
Are woodrow's triumphs. and are
solely hissn.
Hail to the chief. the common peo-
pies friend.
May health and fortune smile be
ever thine;
May the whole nations praise thy
steps attend.
And 1915 bring a valentine"
The guests had been seated only a
few minutes when q person with a
long patriarchal beard, appeared.
who are you" asked President
walkar NJ thu (srfdir0n club
Apt Alteration
MY name is Apt Alteration was
the reply
That's an odd name" suggested
the president.
1T isn't odeer than woodrow Will
son. or Champ Clark. or Luke Lea,
or Tom Taggart. or Bill Bryan. or
Swager Shirley" said the beard.
Apt ALTERATION explained that he
was looking for his boy baby,
.Watchful Waiting"
Dollar Diplomacy" he added, had
been killer by q dreadful Democrat.
He reminiscenced to the extent Of re-
calling ''TippercAnoe and Tyler. too"
and "fifty-four-fory or nght," and
rum. Romanism and rebelliop" but
before he could get any further back.
President Walker shut him OF.
Isn't this a dollar dinner?" In
QuiASu SAPN hAHtSs ANVIL.
Certainly not: 1t la the dinner OF
the Gridiron club" said President
Walker.
Then" remarked Apt ALTERATION.
'.Pttiless Publicity Ii here?"
But upon being informed that both
A'Pitiless Publicity" and "Watchful
Waiting" were absent, the patriarch
shook his head mournfuily, and
wandered away with this farewell:
ssTlorA.N {rht nrautdenf nrl{ffciara
pencil pushers and predatory
pirates"
: The guests had hardly finished
chuckling over these gentle drives at
the administrator aptness OF coin
ing catchy phrases. when John ID.
Trust was In all sorts OF trouble. and
his mind was thrown into greater
OF Hawaiian Brandeis.
Never mind, father" said Miss
Trust. what Is the little you've got?"
I've got nothing but first mortgage
bonds" was the reply.
What became OF the stock p
"Oh," said John D. Trust quickly.
the public got that"
John d. Trusts troubles increased
when Jim McRcynolds entered.
Trust. Il must go out and water the
stock
Presently, too. came George Per-
kins.
Have you, George Perkins. our
once good friend. come In friendship,
or in enmity?" asked Miss Industry.
Taking Politicians Jobs.
WE'LL" said Perkins. considering
that there viii h. sessae congressional
elections this year. and we Progress
sives need the wherewithAl. I have
come on friendly mission bent"
George" said Miss Industry. 'you
touch me"
NO. came the quick rejoined. mot
you, your father
But lin McReynolds interrupted
this discussion by announcing his
ultimatum to the trusts They must
dissolve.
Just then. however. there was ter
rible rumpus outside and an angry
crowd OF politicians approached. They
did not want the trusts busted. be-
cause Il left them with nothing to
40. In the midst Of thl6 Conkuaion
md hnhpNh. thAs 1aesaR AZ - ~
tnFo&n44 tE44o CQ1n& k40 4Dpo0ro4s