Newark evening star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1909-1916, 1914-11-11
Evening Star S
Daily Story
WHAT THE SPIRITS SAID
RY JOHN DARLING.

Jacksonville. He had a house, COWS,
horses, hogs and chickens.
Jared didn't graduate from an ag-
ricultural college, but he was up and
= at work before the lark had shaken
the dew off it's tail.
He didn't know the names of the
planets, and he wasn't SO sure about
there being a south pole but his
wheat was humping yield, and the
way his cornstalks bore ears and his
potatoes rolled out of the ground in
the fall were the envy of all other
farmers for miles around.
Jared was not a vain young man.
He had large ears, but he did not
seek to curb them, His nose grew
red and blistered in the sun, but he
did not seek the drug store for cold
cream. Nature had given him large
hands and feet but he felt that he
needed them for farm work.
A young man fixed as this one was
need have no trouble in finding
s wife. but at the age of twenty-four
he was still kinder looking around"
That is, he was attending writing
school, singing school and 'lasses
candy-pull or a husking-bee now and
then to wear off his natural bashful-
4 ness.
1t is idle to try and give the exact
number of women that could have
been coaxed to bake Jareds bread and
make his soft soap and put up his
picked peaches If he had come court
= ing, but why shouldn't there have
8 been half a dozen at least? He had
come to certain decision before he
had thought much about marriage,
and it was an unwise decision. Under
no circumstances would he marry a
widow. He didn't exactly know why,
but that was his decision. Had he
gone to Deacon Shadrack and asked
for advice he would have been told:
IF you can marry a wilder with
less than five children-a wilder
wuth at least $1,000 wilder who is
a good housekeeper-a wilder who
has carried her children through the
measles and the whooping cough, and
is as sound as dollar herself, don't
{ you let the grass grow under your
feetl"
But Jared didn't go to the deacon,
and thus missed good thing What
he did do was to go right on saying
to himself that he'd never marry a
widow, and somehow his decision be-
came known and three or four would
be contestants did not enter the race.
The farmer bachelor had had a
bowling acquaintance with Miss
Hyacinth Jones for a year or so. He
had been introduced to her at a Sun
day school picnic, but they had not
wandered under the green trees to-
gether.
Instead of referring to Miss Hya-
einth as an old maid, which is
always an ungallant thing to do, she
may be spoken of as a rather old
girl 1t was her name, more than
her looks, that left her on Jareds
list of eligibles. In case she became
his wife it would be handy eing
to call her High
1t is generally supposed that when
an old girl turns her eyes on a man
with matrimony in view she pursues
MIN like fox after a rabbit. There
are, however, exceptions to that rule
If it is rule. and Miss Hyacinth was
an exception. She sighed, but she
didn't pursue. She limited that Jared
might call, but she didn't say that she
would be waiting at the front door
with beating heart. When he did cali
he found her coy. He began to talk
about romance he had read, but she
switched the conversation to astron-
omy. When he said that he must be
going she didn't ask what his hurry
was. When he spoke of being a great
bread-eater, and asserted that he
year round, she did not brag of her
light loaves and f1aky crusts.
The time came when Cupid should
have got to work. and when Miss
Hyacinth was willing to help him, but
Jared was in an undecided state of
mind. There were others. There We're
no others named Hyacinth but there
was one named Betsey, and he could
shorten the name to BET" when in
hurry.
1t was when his interest began to
flag that Jared went over. to Lorain
on business. 1t was there that he
found everybody excited over spirit
ualism. A stranger had come to town
and delivered lectures that aroused
the people. He had done more than
that He had sat with his hands on a
table and called up the spirits of the
dead. He had questioned the spirits
of the dead, and they had answered
him by raps on the table.
One rap stood for yes" Two raps
for mo-" Three raps for 81 can't tell"
The medium" as the lecturer
called himself, would call up the spirit
of some ones dead grandmother and
ask:
Are you in heaven?''
zone rap-"Yes.''
rs it beautiful placer?
One rap.
Are you playing on a harp?"
One rap.
Your daughter Eliza is here Can
you see her?"
One rap.
Are you watching over her all the
timer"
One rap.
will she join you in heaven when
she dies?"
One rap.
Then Eliza would break down and
weep, and other women would weep,
and the men at the seance would
whisper to each other with scared
faces:
by hockey. but did you ever hear
anything like i'll"
Then the medium" would call for
the spirit of Napoleon, and when the
raps came to show that the hero was
at the other end of the wire he would
be asked:
'fIs this Napolean?"
One rap.
Are you in heaven?"
Two vigorous raps-"no!
Are you in the other place?s
One laundering thump-"yesi"
"Are you happy"
In response to this question would
come a confusion of raps and knocks
and thumps which the medium
would translate to his audience
what the spirit of Napoleon is
trying to tell us, ladies and gentle
men, Is that he would be moderately
happy down there il the weather
1vocn't unite sn hot -