The mirror. (Stillwater, Minn.) 1894-1925, 1914-03-19
THE PRISONERS
SELF-C0NQUEST
A Man Who Served q Long Term, Tells
Of the Strange Expedients Adopted
to Escape Monotonous Unhappiness
of Prison Life.
A HlGHER-SEIE LIGHT

Prisoners sometimes adopt strange
expedients In order to, escape the
monotonous unhappiness of their
lives. Some of course. fall into a
sort of stunned or lethargic state
and come to be only half conscious
of what they are doing and lose al
most all note of the passage Of time.
l am not speaking of these. | am
speaking of those who remain what
| may call awake and who try to de-
wise some means of getting out of
themselves, out of the welg ht of their
surroundings, away from the gray
prospect of the future.
The idea came to me that l could
perhaps train my mind to live almost
altogether In old memories on the
one hand, or in pleasant imaginings
ON the other, only leaving just
enough of it in the present to get
through my work with. l would be
in Imagination somewhere else, out
side, by the sea, with my family,
happy iD business, and so on. Some
times this aroused such fierce long
ing that it made the present b,tterer
still. But by persistence, magma
tion did begin to win against the
actual. l did begin to live in an un-
real world. and it was my life in the
real that began to take on an effect
of unreality. l did all my usual
duties. but as if in a dream.
This same result got from living
IN memories. l alternated and COM
bined the two lines, and for while
l thought l had at last the key to
something in myself which nothing
and no one outside could interfere
with. l began to think that with
practice l could 90 so far that even
the dreaded cold storage should
it fall to my lot, would be no trouble.
Events mercifully compelled me
to stop. this insanity, or stop going
on this way to insanity-for it was
that
Effect of Imagining
l began to find that l was not pro-
perly doing my duties. My atten-
tion had become so slack or absent
that | was always now in trouble
and punishment for neglecting duties
and points of routine, and for half
finishing my work.
Then other things followed. My
memory except for the past-be-
gan to weaken. l could not fix my
attention on anything l was dong
and 1 could not think.
And, finally, strange as it may
seem, my limbs began to be difficult
to move and my sense of touch be-
came so bad that l could not tell
that l had hold say of my knife and
fork except by looking.
l was, as l think, sinking into
paralysis, old age Cat forty,) or I'M
becility. 1t was clearly up to me
to stop this game, if it was not too
late. and try new tack.
did stop 1t and got back Though
not entirely. even to this day. what
l had lost in mind and body.
And then, l was up against the
original problem.
The New Light
One morning early as | was in
the yard sweeping, feeling pretty
shaky and rotten, when, suddenly
the sun began to rise and through
the gate the intense living gold
seemed to come strigh at me and
revive and hearten me all through,
mind and body. Itseemed to enfold
me 7protectingly as if it had in it the
love of some supreme life. The pic
ture of that splendid life giving
thing, that burst of light seemed to
stay with me all day very clearly
thought: that picture, got from the
real, Is only IN my mind now, and
yet it's doing me nearly as much
good as when l saw it on the horizon
through the gate bars. l feel all
alive and clear, and my heart some
way seems awake. And I'm feeling
friendly and good. even to those
who have been hardest with me.
They may have thought they were
doing their duty.
/ wondered if it would be safe to
keep hold of that, of light, instead
of the memories and imaginings
that had nearly done for me.
reckoned I'd try. any way, just risk
it.
In a few weeks it made new
man of me! 1t gave me clear
mind and quick body and senses.
l got courage for anything that
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