El Paso herald. (El Paso, Tex.) 1901-1931, 1914-01-05

comes up to me on the street, and
eIoDe me on the back as though ne
4ooI- ne for the long lost Charlie
I 10 and insists upon handing me an
hr-OCr99ea1sive cigar, L know that he is
Ell tn be a candidate for alderman
sue ,untv supervisor and after ac-
OOda-+i1o his cOurtesies and gratitudes.
TaIxe up my mind to rebuke him at
the polls by voting for the other fell
..if meet a woman who never rec
oernizes me on ordinary occasions. and
Sc comes toward me with a siren
s-1i1e. too blamed cordial for anv good
nse. I realize at once she Is selling
tictets to an oyster supper to raise
money to pay the hall rent of the
FederatiOn of Fossil Females. and /
1roceed to dig up. Her charming smile
ie a false beacon designed to lead
mariners upon the rocks, or relieve
+bano of their rocks, If Won will mar
don the metaphor.
81 see through Mrs Averages
scheme. 1t is quite transparent Mrs.
TamesWorthy. Last week drew nv
balance from the savings bank and
bought you an electric washing ma
chine I had to do it in order to have
balmy peace in the house. Ever since
Mrs whitehead bought an electric
washer you have been on my trail. and
finally had to surrender. I consider
such machine a useless luxury. Ny
family washing on an old fashioned
WashbOard and never sent a. walking
delegate to father insisting uDOn
shorter hours and higher nav. But
this is an age of sided luxury Mrs.
JamesWOrthy. The woman Of this gem
Grafton wants to bask on an imported
divan and do her homework by push
ing a button. I see quite plainly that
this republic is lettering to its fall
like ancient Rome. The Romans were
masters OF the world until their wives
began insisting Upon electric washing
machines and patent carpet sweepers, /
and then the bottom fell out of every
thing, and the whole shooting match
went to the junk yard
The whole neighbOrhoOd saw that
glittering washing machine come to
the house, and every woman within
two miles knows that you can sit in
rocking chair and read 'sThe Custom
Of the Country and do a weeks wash
ing at the same time, without sweat
ing a hair. Naturally all of the old
hens are enviOus and most of them
are leading their husbands dogs lives,
trying to torture them into buying
similar machines. But Mrs. Average IS /
a widow Her husband has escaped /
from her Jurisdiction. He has gone
to land where there are no extradi-
ton treaties, and she can't nag him
into blowing his savings that way.
$50 she has figured it out that she l
will be able to borrow your washing
machine if she lays her plans right. !
When she has given you three or four
instalments Of her cheap buttermilk /,
she'll come over here with a long face,
saying that her washing machine is |
out of order, and, although she hates /
to borrow, she is obliged to ask for !
the loan of yours. Then, because you |
have been subsidized with bUttermilk, |
you can't turn her down. Because you
have accepted ten cents worth Of but !
termilk, you will be obliged to lend :
this woman your SIS washing machine, |
and when it comes back it viii be I
busted, and I'll have to pay SS.35 to ]
have it repaired I wish, Mrs. James (
worthy that you would buy canned (
buttermilk and preserve your indie /
pendence."