davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Harrison times., 1914-09-12
The New Fable Of the Young Fellow
Who Had No Father TO Guide Him,

Once there was Boy who had been
told twice u Day ever since he could
remember that II ho started to 20
into ono Of those Doggories with
Swinging Doors in front and Mirrors
along tho Side, q Blue Flame would
shoot out and burn him to a Cinder,
Also he had been warned that every
Playing Card In the whole Deck was
Complimentary Ticket admitting
one TO Hot Grlddlo in the Main Par.
quetto Of the Fiery Furnace,
And every little Paper Cigar was
another Spike In the Burial Casket
with seven or eight Guardians trail.
Ing him Day and Night to keep him
away from tho Lures OF the Wicked
World II looked like Pipe that ho
would grow up to bo the Dean OF a
Theological Seminary.
Across the street lived q poor un'
fortunate Lad whose Father was max.
Ing the futllo Endoayor to take II
away fOator than the Revenue Oflcors
could put Stamps on H. lie was the
original nlottar. When they were try
Ing to pry him away from II he would
take Il chance on anything from Ar.
MICA to Extract OF Vanilla.
According to all the Laws Of Hored.
ity the only Son was cast for the Part
OF Joe Morgan,
lie In now tho Head OF n Mail'Order
House, When he BeoB Corkserew he
pulls HIS Hat hrmly over his Ears and
runs n Mile.
The Graduate Of the Lecture Bureau
may bo found IN Swoggor Club any
evening with a bourbon II, H. Ot his
Right, q stack Of Student Lamps at
his Left and Two Small Pair pressed
closely against his Bosom
MORAL Tho Modern Ambition
booma TO bo 10 vary the Program
The Harrison times., 1914-09-12

make sure that the Manuscript had not
been lost Each thought that he was
the Orator Of the Evening
The Committee had put on the Toast
Program every one who might pos
sibly take Otfense at not being Asked.
Also they had selected as Toast.
master a beamlng Broncho whose Vo
cal Chords were made of seasoned
Moose-Hide and who remembered all
the black-face Gravy that Billy Rice
used to shoot across at Lew Benedict
when Niblo's Garden was first opened.
After every 30-minute Address he
would spend ten minutes in polite kid
ding Of the Last Speaker and then an
other 10 Minutes in climbing Noun
tain Height from which to present the
Next Speaker.
Along about Midnight the Cowards
and Cutters began crawling out Of
Side Doors, but most of the Loyal Sons
Of Old Bohunkus propped themselves
up and tried to be Game
Before 1 o'clock a Member Of the
Faculty put them on the Ropes with
40 Minutes on projected Changes in
the Curriculum
At 1880 the Toastmaster was making
Speech No s and getting ready to
spring the Oldest Living Graduate
Protected by all the Gray Hairs that
was left to him he began to Reminisce,
The Harrison times., 1914-09-12
The Guarantee.

William j, Burns, the famous de-
tectiye, was talking in New York
about the recent dropping of his name
from the honorary list Of Police chiefs.
1T is easy" Mr., Burns said, TO
read the significance of that action.
It's significance is evil 1t relates to
certain graft exposures on my part.
Yes, It's significance is as evil as the
clothier's guarantee,
"A young fellow went to clothier
to buy a pair Of flannel pants.
1.-The last pair got here Shrunk,
he said. I was caught In the rain In
them, and they shrunk something ter
rible DO you guarantee that these
won't shrink,
young feller,' said the dealer I
guarantee them up to the hilt. Why,
every fire hose in New York but three
has sQulrted on them pants"
The Harrison times., 1914-09-12
Good Eating.

"Metchnikon, tho Metchnikofr Of
sour milk fame, Is soon to celebrate in
Paris" said Paris correspondent on
furlough In New York, "his SEVENTEEN
birthday
since his sixtIeth birthday when ho
began his sour,mllk regime, Metchnh
koff has not aged, On the contrary, he
has become reJuvenated,
"To the committee that has In
charge the splendid honors Of his
birthday celebration, MotchnIkoff gave
some advice on the benefits Of frugal
eating-the benefits Of taking no alco.
hol, very little meat, and an abundance
Of well cooked green vegetables, And
he ended his lecture with this crystal
Of wisdom;
Good eating makes moro pessl'
mlsts than bad luck
The Harrison times., 1914-09-12
WOULD MAKE A POLITICIAN
Little WllIle's Capacity for Sticking to
One Idea SlngularIy Like Way y
of Rabld Partisan,

"The late Adlai e. Stevenson" said
a Republican leader Of Bloomington,
hadn't, after all much use for poll
tics. He once explained to me why
this was.
He said that party politicians be-
lieved their side to be always right,
and the other side to be always wrong
Whatever the other side advocated, 1t
was hossible and Internal; whatever
their own side advocated was holy
"He said the partisan couldn't un'
derstand that YOU might arrive at the
the right thing by more ways than
one-and thus the partisan was like
the urchin whose teacher said
Willie, what does six plus four
make?"
Eleven
"'No. Try again
Twelve.
"'No.'
Thirteen
No, no, no, You're Just guessing
But why couldn't you have guessed
that six plus four makes ten?"
"'Because It don't make ten said
Willie. Five and FIVE makes ten
remember that
The Harrison times., 1914-09-12
DOG PERFORMS WITH MASTER
Canine, Through Patient Kindness Of
Owner, Does Act on Two
Tight Ropes.

San Diego, Gala strange sight at
q beach near San Diego was the per-
formance Of dog on two tight ropes
suspended above the waters edge,
Through patience and kindness his
master had trained the animal to ven
ture out upon the slender supports
and, by carefully edging his way along,
to traverse the distance between the
posts The man, who was barefoot,
continually spoke to the dog, encour.
aging him, and the two proceeded
slowly but safely TO their destination,
The Harrison times., 1914-09-12
SALT ON TAILS LANDS BIRDS
DuekG Are Made Helpless and Arc
Unable to Fly When Coated
with Saline Solution.

Riverside Cal-Tho truth Of the
old saying that birds may be caught
through the process OF pouring salt
on their tails Ia vouohed for by o, 9,
Hoier, Of this city, who has just re-
turned from an inspection Of salt prop
critics IN which he Is interested at
Soendena, located 20 miles north OF
Randsburg,
Hofer como upon the carcass Of a
duck entirely incased IN salt, and fur
thor investigation revealed tho fact
that persons living In tho vicinity Of
tho eyaporatIng vats or ponds into
which the water from salt lako Is
pumped, are accustomed to keeping
themselves supplied with toothsomo
duck by picking up tho helplose birds
after they have alIghted in tho bolu'
ton,
After they have been once immersed
In the salty water, the ducks wings
are powerless to Int them out Of
harms way
The Harrison times., 1914-09-12
Well, Waa IL oeed2

New York, = A bottle Of whisky
which possibly belonged to Aaron
Burr frst bore and real founder Of
Tammany Hail. has been found, II
was unoarthod by the workmon who
are tearing down u memorial Of tho
cradle days OF Now York. Aaron
Durrs water tank, nc Roado and Cen
ter BtrootB Tho bottle was coated
moro than an inch doop with dust II
ig probably moro than u century old,
The Harrison times., 1914-09-12
DOES YOUR SKIN
ITCH AND BURN7

II you are suffering with eczema,
ringworm, heat.rash or other torment
ing skin eruption, try resinol ointment
and resInol soap, You will be sur
prlsed how quickly the itching stops
and tho skin becomes clear and
healthy again Prescribed by doctors
for 10 years. All druggists sell resi-.
mol ointment C5Oc and $1,OO), and resi-
mol soap (25c) ADV,
The Harrison times., 1914-09-12
Flah Almost Aas Leos.

Los Angeles - Long Beach has
added n new hah TO ita liat OF ourlosl'
tiea caught from the pier II has
these "epeeiheatloneI" Six inches long,
two inches wide, same width whole
length of body Body 1at and trans
parent like jellynsh, No bones ex-
oopt rib. Mouth Of q toad, Noar'logs
where tail ougat to be, Fills With
water when swimming, Long Beach
pIenoers never cav the like"
The Harrison times., 1914-09-12
Couldn't Corner Him.

Count" said the lady in the for
oIgn nobeman at the charity bazaar,
won't you buy this rose, It IL only
$5,"
II am very sorry" said the count,
with a eourtly bow, but the price Is q
leetle too high
The lady kissed the rose, And now,
count will you buy IT."
NO. madame" he said with q still
deeper bow, Now 70 rose ID price
less"
The Harrison times., 1914-09-12
ouaht 10 Feel Tired,

Bobbie-Don't you feel tired Mr.
Bibbe?
Guost-No, Bobble Why do you
ask?
Bobblo-' Cause pa said he met you
last night and you were carrying an
awful load
The Harrison times., 1914-09-12
AN INACTIVE LIVER

~ tho cause Of nlno-tentha Of all Sickness.
ONE BONDS Liver Pin at bedtime will
stimulate your liver and make II perform
Hs duty naturally DON'T TAKE CAlo-
MEL, BONDS PILLS nTe botteg They
CURE HEADACHES BitjOU5NESS,
CONSTIPATION, DIZZINESS PIN
Piles, etc. ONE little pill nt bedtime, 10
tho dose. All dealers 20 cts, Adv
The Harrison times., 1914-09-12
mo- ehaneo for the Renl rhInn,

The young man brought some verses
20 hia father
Father I have written pocma"
what Lot me soc thom Instantly"
The father read them over carefully,
tho tears slowly yelling to hls eyes az
he did 30,
Finishing the last one he threw
down the manuscript folded the boy
to his breast and sobbed
"Oh, my poor poor sonl"
"Aro they 10 bad M that fatherr
Bad They are excellent, They
are real poetry, My boy, my boy
you will stafys 10 DEATH"
The Harrison times., 1914-09-12
Whenever You Need n General Tonic
Tnke uroNe's

The Old Standard Groves Taselesa
chill Tonic Ia equally valuable rs q
General Tonic because Il contains tho
we'll known tonle properties OF QUlNiNh
and IRON, II acts on tho Liver, Drives
Oh, Malaria, EnfIehes ,ho Blood and
Builds up tho Whole System ~ esn,a
The Harrison times., 1914-09-12
slonsd LIesnso With Pen In Teeth.

Yonkers ~ Y,-OeeOr Fried, who
lost both arms and the use OF bis legs
In nm accident, applied for u license
TO wed Miss llllda Dahlgren, Fried
signed tho license with pen be'
tween hls teeth,
The Harrison times., 1914-09-12
RuB.MY.TlSM

Will cure your Rheumatism ana all
kinds of aches and pains-Neuralgla'
Cramps, Collie, Sprains, Bruises, cuts
Old Sores, Burns, etc. AntIseptIe
Anodyne. Price 25c.-Adv.
The Harrison times., 1914-09-12
French 0slamess rwlnso separated.

Paris-The French "siameBe twins
Maria Ann and Ann Maria, who had
boon Joined together by n llgament at
tho base OF tho yertebrNo since birth,
have been separated and are dolpG
uieely,
The Harrison times., 1914-09-12

going back to tho Days when It was
considered a Great Lark to put Cow
In the ChapolA
Tho ToastmNster arrived homo at 3
a. m, and aroused his Wife to tell her
II had been Great Success
MORAL--lf they were paid So n
Head to stand for II, no ono would at.
tend,
The Harrison times., 1914-09-12

Although tho dog showed no hesita.
tlon IN entering upon the diilcult jour
ncy he was plainly glad when his feet
once moro touched the ground, show
ing his Joy by eager barks and fran
tic wagging OF his tall,-Popular
Mechanics,
The Harrison times., 1914-09-12

The average woman can do anything
with u hOlrpln except sharpen pen'
ell-and she can do that with her
,eeth,
The Harrison times., 1914-09-12

We htOr Of new uses OF tIanford'a
Balgam OF Myrrh In dehorning cat
tle light applications bolp to stop
bleeding, making tho uso Of hot iron
unnecessary ADV
The Harrison times., 1914-09-12

Fame never blows her trumpet for
man who IN too lazy TO ralse tho
wind
The Harrison times., 1914-09-12

If you wish beautiful, clear, white
clothes, use Red Cross Ball Blue Az al
good grocers. ADV.
The Harrison times., 1914-09-12
CurC, Old Sores, olOor Remedies Won, Cure.

The woraI Sasss, no matter oihow Iona standing,
are cured by the wonderful, cid reliable d.
poftsfs Ahtlsep,le Healing OIL I, relieves
Pain Rnd Heals ~ tie came time, 1se, soc, pi 90,
The Harrison times., 1914-09-12
Aad Rnanlt.

What was the fruit of your enter
prIBo2"
Mostly lemons"
The Harrison times., 1914-09-12

Usually lazy man is dead loss to
himself.
The Harrison times., 1914-09-12

A man can treat crowd In bar.
room and stIll bo u bore the morning
after
The Harrison times., 1914-09-12

Bradford, England, is to have an
electrical exposition In October
The Harrison times., 1914-09-12

DR.. Peery's vermifuge "Dead Shot, kills
and eIpelJ Worms in very few hourS
ADV.
The Harrison times., 1914-09-12

Many u man fails to get there bo-
cause he never starts,
The Harrison times., 1914-09-12

aoro Eyea dranulAled Byelda and siles
promptly healed with Roman Eye Hal.
hAni. Adv,
The Harrison times., 1914-09-12
Mo lmhrnunmnnt.

How does Percy dc Soft improve
his timer
"llO doesn't"
The Harrison times., 1914-09-12

It's a fortunate thing for some men
that they never married.
The Harrison times., 1914-09-12

You can safely place faith In Han
ford'B BalBam of Myrrh. Adv.
Honolulu star-bulletin. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu, Hawaii]) 1912-2010, 1914-02-26
The MEN ON THE CARS.

Editor Honolulu Star Bulletia.
Sir: An article appeared in the Ad-
yertiser on the 23rd which praises the
arrangement and officials OF the Fl.
\. T. & L. Co. for the splendid man
ner in which they conducted the street
car service during the Carnival week.
This no one can deny. The men at
the head CT this company went to
the utmost extreme aai they did re
markedly well in handling the great
multitudes of people throughout the
week safely and with scarcely an ac-
cident Perhaps it did not occur to
the writer that the price was eternal
vigilance on the part Of the men who
operated the cars and who made it
Dossib'e for the company to give the
Service il did. Perhaps he never
thought of the men who stood on the
Platform is and lS hours a day with
cut ever Leaving Their cars. who left
their cars at midnight and started
again at daybreak These were the
men VINO struggled and sTaned every
nerve to carry the great crowds safe
ly to their Destinations They were
glad and willing to do this. And ye.
never word Of praise have they re-
ceiVed rom press o. public for their
efforts in giving The people and the
company the best that Yves in them
The least that could be done is to
mentions these 40 men who for the
most part get sour ieok for efforts
BY ONE OF THEM.
Honolulu star-bulletin. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu, Hawaii]) 1912-2010, 1914-02-26
TREASURY is FEELING IT

Some of the Democrats assert that the effect
of the tariff reduction has not yet been felt. For
their benefit the following Washington dispatch
is reprinted
Washington, Feb. 14--That the treasury general
fund is steadily shrinking under the Democratic tar
if bill shown when today's general fund state
ment for the first time in the Wilson administration
fell below the s10O00OO0O mark. For months past
the general fund has been showing deficit of about
100000 per day.
Revision of the treasury fund downwards will
probably be one effect of the Democratic admin
istration for which Bourbons will not hastily
claim credit
Honolulu star-bulletin. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu, Hawaii]) 1912-2010, 1914-02-26
YOUR visit to Honolulu won't really be
! completed until you have looked
through the splendid store Of
WIcHMAN & CO.
Jewellers

iran OF the roaas committee OF the
hoard OF supervisors. that scheme
be carried out 10 employ all street
Iaborers in shifts OF two weeks each.
In that way the unemployed could
lie given work TOR two weeks out OF
the month. and those who now are at
work could be laid Off half the time.
Ey this arrangement. or compromise,
all the laborers would be able to make
enough money to keep the wolf away
until the city and county has suffi-
Client money available to keep all the
men working all the time
Honolulu star-bulletin. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu, Hawaii]) 1912-2010, 1914-02-26
HANN, ELECTRIC
BUSINESS IN A
GOOD CONDITION
During Past Year Extensive
improvements Were Made
and Rates Reduced

The Hawaiian Electric Company
held its annual stockholders meeting
yesterday afternoon and elected the
following directors and officers: r.
A. Cooke, president; r. W. Macfarlane,
| vice president; F. G.. Atherton, treas
lurer; G.. H. Cooke, secretary: direct
lors: c. H. Atherton, Richard Ivers
and H. M. Won Holt.
In his report for the year, Manager
F. E. Blake showed that the affairs of
the company are in very satisfactory
condition, both from the financial
standpoint and from the character of
the service rendered the public Dur
ing the year the rate for current was
reduced from Is cents to IL IL cents
per K. w. hour, the minimum meter
charge from 81 to 81 per month, and
the minimum charge for power from
81 per horsepower to so cents per.
horsepower per month. In spite of
these reductions, the revenues for
1913 were in excess of those Of 1912
owing to the large increase in number
of consumers gained during the year.
The consumers numbered at the first
of the year, 1891, gain of 1896 for
the year.
During the year the company made
improvements costing $149,S71.35,
which included new $500 KVA. tur--
bo-generator with capacity of $4,000
lights, which more than doubled the
previous capacity The cold storage
building has been remodeled and
promises to be one of the most profit
able departments. Ice to the amount
of 1868 tons was manufactured, a
gain of 1881 tons, and a gain of 425
ice customers is reported.
Total receipts from light and power
for the year 1913, $751;. 096.S5.
For. the year 1912, $338, 999 %.
Average monthly receipts, 1913, $29,-
258.07 Average monthly receipts for
1912, $28,0S3.25.
Total consumers, Dec. 81, 1913, $751;
Total consumers, Dec 81, 1912, 4795.I
Gain for 1913, 1896.
Total connected H. P. in motors
Dec. 81, 1913. 3441. For 1912, 2057.
Gain in connected H. p. in motors
in 1913. 1884.
Total number of lights connected to
service Dec. 81, 1913, S1,507. showing
an increase for 1913 of 1871.
The gains in consumers, lights and
connected horsepower for the year are
the largest in the history of the COM
pany. .s,ss..-~
The gross income of the company
for the year amounted to 1917 ,354.63
with expenditures of $612,S47.70. Aft
er deducting s4554.13 for doubtful ac-
Honolulu star-bulletin. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu, Hawaii]) 1912-2010, 1914-02-26
HAVE YOU an IDEA

How did You ike the 1914 sIid-Pacific Car.
n'Faly Have you any suggestions to make for
improvements that may beAobserved in the fl,
tureg
These are questions for which the Promotion
Sommittee and the Carnival management would
IKE to get answers from anyone with an idea.
What is needed is criticism of the constructive
KIND. Mere kicks are useless. If You have a
suggestion Of any sort the Star Bulletins will be
glad to print it providing the name of the author
= given for publication. Send in your sugges-
ton before Saturday, if possible
Honolulu star-bulletin. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu, Hawaii]) 1912-2010, 1914-02-26
TEACHING AGRICULTURE IN HAEY STATES


In 19 states teachers are required to pass an
Examination in agriculture before receiving a
certificate. In order to afford the teachers a
means Of preparing to meet the requirement
many schools have instituted agricultural
courses.
The number Of institutions giving agricuI
Iural instruction increased in the United States
from s6S in 1910, to S575 in 1912. This was a
Yearly increase of $50. If the same rate Of in
crease has been maintained during the last two
years, as there is reason to believe, there are
now 42S7 schools that impart agricultural edu-
cation to teachers
The entire number of schools teaching the
subject Of agriculture is vastly greater than the
Foregoing numbers. In fact there are but few
schools except the strictly professional and the
technical, that do not teach tin some form and
to some extent. The marvellous growth of this
branch Of instruction is perhaps the most re-
markable step in the history of education
The establishment of the College of Hawaii,
the Increased interest in Hawaii's secondary in
dustrial schools, and the rapid progress with
vocational education in the elementary schools
Of this territory all phases OF this great and
worldwide movement
Honolulu star-bulletin. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu, Hawaii]) 1912-2010, 1914-02-26
EDITOR
FEBRtlAIY 2e 19ff June He in turn should appoint @

before June 1. He in turn should appoint the
heads of his committees as soon thereafter as
possible. The staging Of such feature as 'The
Wooing of Uni and Piikea,' for instance, re-
quires not only weeks Of rehearsal but months of
previous delving into the archives and traditions
of old Hawaii and of assembling costumes, ea
noes and the many other accessories Careful
advance planning must be>done in the way of
seating accommodations. Hawaii's annual Car
ival has grown almost overnight to the point
where it is a great business undertaking, and
those placed in charge must be given plenty of
time to exercise business foresight and acumen.
The good results of the 1914 event were due pri-
marily to recognition of the business principles
involved and an effort to organize ten days
succession of features on a business basis If
Director general Dougherty would accept the
post for another year, the 1915 Carnival would
be off to flying start In any event, the di-
rector for next year should be secured without
delay.
Honolulu star-bulletin. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu, Hawaii]) 1912-2010, 1914-02-26
DO YOU WANT TO HEAR ABOUT
GOOD ROADS?

AT the Library of Hawaii tonight there will
be given an address on Roads that every Ho-
nolulan interested in this subiect-and who is
not should hear Mr., H. NJ. Dougherty, con
struction superintendent: for the j. g. White
Engineering Company, is the speaker. The gem
eral public is invited to attend, and judging by
the interesting talks that have been given under
the auspices of the Hawaiian Engineering As
sociation, tonight's program should be we'll
worth while. Eight o'clock is the time.
Honolulu star-bulletin. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu, Hawaii]) 1912-2010, 1914-02-26
MAYOR RETURNS TO WORK
TO FIND OFFICE FILLED
WITH PEOPLE AFTER JOBS

For the first time in a number OF
days, Mayor J. ]. Fern was In at
tendance at his office this morning: :
and he found yexing problem on his
hands the first thing. He found men.
women and children. OF all ages,
crowding into his reception room
not to congratulate him on his foot's
recovery so much as to importune
him for work.
While the mayor has been at his
home. watching with growing impa-
tience the slow improvement Of his
foot. affairs in the city and county. IN
the matter Of the employment CT
street laborers. have been subjected
to q sudden change. II is this change
which brought men. women and child
rem to his office and presented the
yeving problem for his solution.
Since the retrenchment movement
started a fortnight ago, the number
of street labore-s has been e,.t down
materially. Wherever possible men
have been laid off Only rs many a.
absolutely are necessary have teen
kept at work. Figures are not given
out TO show exactly how many mel
have been thrown out Of emp hvment.
hut it is known that the number IS
large.
The mayors office has been be-
sieged for several days With laborers.
their wives. children and their Tela-
tives. coming in delegations. waiting
for his honor: waiting to tell him OF
the hardships or torivations conse-
quent on the head Of the family's dis
charge. Will Miles. secretary to the
mayor, undertook to act In their in
terest in the absence Of his honor.
He proposed to Lester Petrie. char
Honolulu star-bulletin. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu, Hawaii]) 1912-2010, 1914-02-26

]. r. Douglas, son of David Douglas
OF Eva, Hawaii, is the author of an
article, "Meddling in Mexico, appear
ing in Grass Tacks. published at tho
University of California. He epito-
mixes his views in the closing para
graph: IF we interfere in Mexico.
We may succeed in closing up the
sore for time, but unless we have
some very fine remedy to offer. 1t
will break out with greater malignity
the minute we leave unless we stay
indefinitely"
Honolulu star-bulletin. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu, Hawaii]) 1912-2010, 1914-02-26
LegegSk Fl F'lIF7 To PFC

THE Star-Bulletin invites free and
frank discussion in this column on all
legitimate subjects of current interest.
Communications are constantly re-
ceived to which No signature is at.
tached. This paper win treat as con-
fidential signatures to letters II the
writers SO desire. but cannot give
space to anonymous communications. ]