South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1914-08-24
Statesmen Real
and Near.
By Fred c. Kelly

Rep. Edward T. Taylor Of Colorado
used to be in the legislature of that
state and got up a number of new
laws that bear his name About the
time he left the legislature he was re-
tanned as attorney by an old chap who
lived all alone up in the mountains.
The case was not particularly import
ant. but il seemed so to this hermit
litigant. Any night, if a traveller hap
pened by his cabin, the old fellow
could be heard arguing his case all by
himself. One day a traveller stopped
with him to ask the way and they got
TO talking about the case
DO you think you'll win it?' asked
the caller.
win it? OF course I'll win it. Do
YOU know who my lawyer is? -
The visitor didn't and the host told
him.
You think Taylor's sure to win it
for you, Ell ?" went on the caller.
DO / think TaylOr'H win a lawsuit?
Huh. Well, I should think he ought
to. Why, Taylor makes the laws"
In one of the smaller villages of the
congressional district represented
here by Ben Johnson Of Kentucky is
an express agent who takes things
seriously and who also thirsts for any
form of information. He desires TO
know every fact that he can-feeling
that there is no telling when il might
come in handy. Rep. Johnson drop
ped into the express office one day just
as the man was writing a letter to his
chief He let Johnson read the let
ter. Ii seemed that the express agent
in glancing through a new ratebook
CHANGED to let his eye fall on a line
giving the rate on elephants. In
stantly the agent set to work on his
letter to the man higher up.
THE door isn't wide enough TO ad-
NIT an elephant" he wrote, unless it
should be a very small elephant.
doubt if it would be large enough
even then. I never saw a baby -ele-
plant in a circus that could get
through our rear door without mebby
getting stuck. Do you want me to
have the door made wider? Kindly
let me have instructions about what
10 feed IL. | have had no experience
with elephants but l know they eat
hay. because I've seen them do il.
Shall | also give him corn along with
the hay. the same as you would to a
horse?"
There was lot more TO the letter
but that will indicate its general tone.
Rep. Johnson read IL over. made a
few suggestions for additional ques-
tons. and then when the man was
sealing il in the envelope, remarked:
we forgot one important item and
that is TO have them send you some
thing TO lead him by. l wouldn't de-
pend on claiming his legs the way
they do circus elephants. He might
trip and fall here in the express Of
fee and break a valuable package for
you. Have the company send YOU one
Of these new tangled elephant brides
with a gag bit and a double check
rein"
Sen. Newlands Of Nevada had a
horse out at Reno a while ago that
tried TO sift itself through barbed
wire fence and the result was that il
practically ruined itself veterinary
was called and said that il would cost
about $50 TO fit up the horses in
juries. As the horse was old and not
worth $50. he advised Newlands just
to shoot il.
But. asked Newlands. how do
I know the horse wants 10 die: Put
him on his feet again and send me
the bill. Do you suppose I'd want
anybody 10 shoot me when l get old
just because I've ceased 10 be worth
the amount OF a doctor bill?"
Sen. Newlands does a great deal or
travelling in the course OF a year and
he Is erratic a traveller as one
would find in a long search Of Pull
man coaches. In the first place he
viii not start for a train until he has
barely time TO reach the station Just
as the train is pulling out. provided