The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1914-07-18
GREAT THOvGHTS or FIXTT.
lie Dreams Of Noble Laws Of Uplht and
the New Freedom.

To THE EDITOR OF THE SuN--Sir. Rep
rescntative Ike n. Fixit tossed fevershly
on his pallet. cursing the summer climate
of Washington and computing his losses
of mileage during the continuous session.
Coming from n far Western State where
the air Ii as dry as a naval officers mess,
he suffers severely in the sultry atmos-
phere Of the national capital; and az to
mileage, that is the Western Congress
mans STAFF of life.
Tortured at length beyond endurance
the Congressman passed easily into that
state of delirium most conducive to Demo
cratic clarity OF thought and turned his
attention to the legislative needs OF the
country.
"a Congress election is coming on" he
reflected. "and my constituents are looking
to me to get to pass quite some few bills
Of progressive uplift to show EN- where I
am at on national issues.
THE income tax law. the most noblest
bulwark of our sacred American liberties
is being thwarted by conspiracy of the
indicators Of great wealth. | can fix IL
with bill empowering the Government to
Keep the books OF all corporations and
requiring all firms and individuals to get
to figure their accounts on a bulletin board
displayed conspicuous on the front porches
OF their buildings.
THE tarifr Amt panning out rich
enough and We need the money ! can fix
it with bill prohibiting all importations,
making the shipment OF money abroad an
act of high treason and enabling the Cow
eminent 10 use for road building all the
profits OF business east of the Missouri
River
There are a few laboring men In my
district. and they amt able yet 10 run
their bosses business and the whole com
munity Just exactly NJ they please. ! can
FIX II with u bill providing that the union
IN NFf to g.n Ia. mat .sla ra
pealing all laws Of trespass and assault,
making every house lawful place Of
manslaughter and Furnishing by imprison-
mcnt for life any manufacturer OF dyna-
mite that refuses to give his product free
to labor union on demand
THE Presidents latest passion Is
against the submerged SO per cent. Of
business protest. I can fix II with n hill
forhdding any man TO engage IN business
unless he is dumb az the New York dele
cation was ut Baltimore, has writer's
cramp In both hands and would rather
starve to death a good Democrat than live
any other way
The press is blaming Congress because
We amt got backbone enough 70 resist
usurpation OF authority by the Executive.
! can fix II with bill making every oppo-
sition editor an ex onlcio VI. G.. and then
watch EN- get to eat out OF the Presidents
hand
| gMr. Bryan needs support in his right
eouS and patriotic policy OF turning the
other cheek also | can fix IT with a
| bill enabling the President to turn the
canal over to Colombia along with his
! apology for our being a nation Of robbers
/ and sinful hypocritcs. and deprivng Colo
| mel Roosevelt OF the power OF speech.
| "Thcre are some women In my district
/ that Amt fully satisfied with the vote
| and exact Justice sure does demand that
/ tyrant man shall make up TO 'em for the
| hundreds or years he kept 'em out of their
rights, from Adam on down. I can fix II
/ with bill providing that no person shall
| be eligible 10 vote who amt got a soprano
| or tenor voice and a hip measure bigger
than the waist measure by at least eigh,
! inches
And IL this last hill gets to pass it will
fix up all the other reforms even II tho
Senate won't pass 'em. and thcy'll return
me to Congress till the cows come HON,
| or more Of EN- manage to get a sense OF
/ humor"
Having achieved tho conception 81 thi,
progressive programme Of uplift In In,
true spirit Of modern Democracy tn,
Representatives. fever Of legislative in
spiration ahated somewhat ana he fel
into that sweet dreamess repose which
kindly nature has provided for the re-
cuperation OF exhausted virtue and i'm
beciity. FRED MErcALF.
HLAiSFIELD, y. j. July rs.