davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Watertown weekly leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1912-1917, 1914-06-16
THE NEW FABLE OF THE HONEY
MOON THAT TRIED TO COME
BACK.

Once there was an undivorced
Couple that would get UP every G. M.
and put on the fve-ounce Mitts and
wait for the Sound of the Gong.
Each was working for the Champion
ship of the Flat and proved to be a
Glutton for Punishment
Every time he landed crashing
Hay-Maker on her Family History she
countered with a short-arm Jolt on his
Personal Appearance.
Both would retire to the Corners
breathing heavily, but still full of
Combat.
He loved to start out the Day by
finding in the Paper what Professor
connected with the University of Chi
cago had said about the American
Woman being vain and shallow Par
asite with a Cerebrum about the size
of an English Walnut.
She would retaliate by reading aloud
a Special in regard to a Husband go
ing after Wife with AK, while under
the influence of Liquor.
After which, for Is or 90 minutes,
the Dining Room would be just as
peaceful and quiet as Camorra Trial.
Sometimes he would get First Blood,
but just as often she would fiddle
around for an Opening and then
Zowie,-right on the Conk and him
Sailing to escape further punishment
When Nightfall came they would
still be edging around the Ring.
whanging away, for each was too
Game to be a GUTTER
Their Married Life, which started
out with American Beauty Roses in
every Vase and long Piece in the Pa.
per, now settled down TO Thirty
Years War with all of the Attendant
Horrors.
The only time the Dove OF Peace
really Lit was when they had Com
Dany.
Then they would Dear each other
until the Premises became Sticky and
she would even coax up a Ripple OF
Fake Laughter when he pulled some
Wheeze that used to go Great the Year
they were engaged. But the Moment
the last Guest closed the Front Door
the Dove or Peace would beat it anG
another domestic Gettysburg woull
drive the Servants to Cover.
The Watertown weekly leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1912-1917, 1914-06-16
Hat Box Device,

Slit open the two upright edges of
your hat box so that when the cover
Is raised this side will drop as if
hinged This is a good plan when the
box is kept on a shelf, as the ha- can
be taken out without taking down the
box. If the hat boxes are covered With
a pretty wall paper, the appearance of
the cupboard is improved
The Watertown weekly leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1912-1917, 1914-06-16
THE NEW FABLE OF THE LIFE OF
THE PARTY.

One Night a Complimentary Dinner
was given to Captain of Industry
by some Friends looking for Orders.
The Chairman of the Arrangements
Committee was popular Wine-Push-
er, consequently the volunteer Search
Parties were out for Three Days after,
gathering up the Dead.
Along about 1920, when every Per
feet Gentleman was neatly Stewed and
each Chandelier was doing sinuous
Salome in time with the Hungarian
Orchestra, Man connected with the
Jobbing Trade got up to say a Few
Words.
He was keyed to Concert Pitch and
the Audience was Piped and all the
old sure-ire Bokum of Sentimental
Nature simply Killed them in their
Seats.
When he Concluded, the hilarious
Bun Brothers, with the mussed-up
Hair and the twisted Shirt Bosoms,
arose to their Feet and waved Nap
kins and gave the Orator what he de-
scribed to his Wife at 2 A. M. as A
Novation.
Another Good man was spoiled.
After Herman made this goshawful
Hit with the Souses he became con-
WINGED that he was an After-Dinner
Wit
Gus Thomas and Simeon Ford had
nothing on him.
Whenever he found himself seated
at o Table with other People and Food
being served he began to suck Loz-
engss and classify his Anecdotes and
try 10 appear Unconcerned.
All the time he was simply waiting
for The Main Fluff to come up from be-
hind the Chrysanthemums and say,
I'VE have with us this evening"
Then for the quiet Introduction, lead
ing up to the sparkling Mot and the
Fremolo Stop pulled all the Way out
on the Pathos and a couple of Depews
to put them in a Good Humor, con-
Guiding with Hypodermic of Hot
Mush.
If the Bunch sat back and refused to
Fall for the Wartime Favorites he
would console himself by telling
around that he was up against the
Low-Brows.
He knew that he was a Dinger, be-
cause he remembered how the Mag
Dificent Assemblage stood and cheered
him for five Minutes.
Therefore his Voice sounded to him
a good deal like the Boston Symphony
Orchestra playing Rubinstein's Melody
insF
Whenever People sat down in front
of the decorative Canape Caviar and
got ready TO endure the Horrors of
another Hotel Gorge, they would glance
across the Snowy Expanse of White,
dotted with plump California Olives
and cold, unfeeling Celery, and seeing
Herman seated opposite, would re-
mark, "Stung."
He could not have been kept in his
Chair with a Ton of Coal in each Tail
Pocket,
And if The Ladies were present that
was where he worked in the Bird
Calls and ordered out the Twinkling
Stars.
According to the Expectation Tables
of the Insurance Actuaries, probably.
he will Stick Around for 80 years
more and never find out that he is a
Pest
MORAL-Those who bemoan the
decline of Oratory should remember
that Oratory never was known to De-
,cline
The Watertown weekly leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1912-1917, 1914-06-16
FEATURES OF TAlLOR-MADES
Many Distinctive Effects VIII Be No,
ticed Among the Styles of the
Coming Season.

The three-Quarter coat finished at
the bottom with a closely killed frill
will be feature of many of the sea-
sons tailOr-mades, and the folded sash
of figured material will be another A
very advanced tailor-made model in
brick-red duvetyn had a knee-length
coat with killed frill some six inches
deep around the bottom. A sash of
oriental silk was draped round the
waist with one long folded-over end
hanging down the back slightly to-
ward the right side. At the back the
skirt of the coat was cut into pointed
tab, which buttoned over onto the sash.
The same pointed tab effect was shown
in the new sleeves, the tab being cut
in one with the shoulder. and the long
most effective little coat, and SO thor
oughly up to date that 1t is certain to
remain in fashion for many months to
come.
Another stylish model is exhibited
fashioned Of covert cloth. The skirt
is draped high in front under a tab
Of the cloth, under which at either
side the peplum top is set The lat
ter drops lower in the back to a point
following the lines of the short coat
the shoulder is of white linen with
bias bands, embroidered in black and
red floss
The Watertown weekly leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1912-1917, 1914-06-16
Strong ENOUGH. Probably.

Patience see for teaching young
children to walk and otherwise devel-
oping their muscles a New York man
has invented an attachment for dining
tables which holds them up as they
move around
Patrice-Do you suppose the butter
has anything TO do with it?
The Watertown weekly leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1912-1917, 1914-06-16
berry.

1t is difficult to be always true to
ourselves, to be always what we wish
to be, what we feel we ought to be.
AS long as we feel that, as long as
we do not surrender the ideal of our
life, all is right Our aspirations rep
resent the true nature of our soul
much more than our everyday life
Max Muller.
Yet it is by our lives we are known
and judged.
The Watertown weekly leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1912-1917, 1914-06-16

wheat or farina, nodded
and served with the sauce, is also very
good
The strawberry shortcake is the ma
tlonal dish which everybody likes. To
make it, use a rich biscuit dough with
out sugar, or, If any, not more than
a teaspoonful Make the shortcake
and roll out half-inch thick Spread
with butter and place the other half
on top, SO that when they are baked
there will be no rough, broken edges
which are apt to come when cutting,
to say nothing of making the cake
soggy.
There are SO many delicious straw
berry and gelatine combinations that
one will make no mistake in serving
any of them.
Strawberry Saiad.-Wash and hull
the berries and cut them in halves
lengthwise and let stand 80 minutes
in honey salad dressing in a cold
place. Drain and arrange on lettuce
leaves and serve at once To make
the honey salad dressing use: Two
tablespoonfuls Of honey, three of olive
oil and one and a half of lemon juice,
a dash Of salt and cayenne if liked.
Beat until frothy
Frozen Strawberry Fruit Cup.-Take
one cupful of cubed pineapple, one cut
OF cut orange, one half cupful of water
and sugar boiled together five minutes.
Mix the fruits and strip when cold
and let stand half an hour or longer to
blend. Make an ice OF pint of straw
berries, cupful of sugar and cupful
of warm water. Hash the berries with
the sugar and let stand an hour Then
rub through sieve, adding the water
to hurry the process; freeze. Half fill
sherbet glasses with this and hollow
the center to heap the fruit mixture
Put piped whipped sweetened cream
over the top and finish with a whole
berry.
The Watertown weekly leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1912-1917, 1914-06-16

fastened to them 4 inches apart to
support the framework. Tack the
base to the ends Of the spools. The
framework uprights are tightly rolled
tubes of paper 10 or IL inches long,
and the top cross-piece is another
paper tube inches long. Stick the
lower ends of the uprights into the
spool holes; then fasten the cross
piece to their tops by running pins
through the crosspiece and down into
the upright ends Gig. 81, and then
lashing with thread as shown in
Fig. 7.
The swing seat is made of a spool
with a cardboard back fastened to 1t
Gigs. 9 and 10).
The Watertown weekly leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1912-1917, 1914-06-16

the neck, tapering narrower toward
the waist. The jaunty touch of this
ruf1e is that it is lined with bright
colored satin crepe, so that the gay
hue is disclosed a bit by its ripple.
The Watertown weekly leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1912-1917, 1914-06-16
Removing Rust From Iron.

Rust on iron or steel may be re-
moved easily If the metal is boiled
In a hot caustic-soda or hot caustic-
potash solution. This SO softens the
rust that it can easily be removed by
the acid pickle.
The Watertown weekly leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1912-1917, 1914-06-16
Iezk1 ZH~,<s.eN>.
At the End of Forty-Eioht Hours.

M Ute EITu OF TOT Iy-ETYIIC TTUUIS.
Papa certainly didn't manage this
European trip very well He said
we'd be in Rome two days, but he
made mistake and it's three-and
now we've seen everything and
there's absolutely nothing to do for
whole day.
The Watertown weekly leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1912-1917, 1914-06-16
Not That kind.

Don't you think you ought to be
more wide-awake about the medicine
you are introducing
ITO be wide-awake about it would
queer the whole business. It Is a cure
for insomnia"
The Watertown weekly leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1912-1917, 1914-06-16

The latest fashion IN Vienna is to
wear flowers tinged on the edges with
blue or green When flowers are pre-
scented poem or letter is written IN
the petals with q fine nen-
The Watertown weekly leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1912-1917, 1914-06-16

a & 90 d recipe
which has been
tried and is we'll
liked.
Bran Bread
Take three cup
fuls of bran, a
cupful of graham,
q hoIf-oI1nfIII IF
The Watertown weekly leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1912-1917, 1914-06-16
Very True.

The Phrenologist-" sir, by
feeling the bumps on your head 1
can tell you exactly what sort of a
man you are" Mr.. Dolan-"Oi be-
lave it wud give ye more av an oidea
wot sort av a whimmen me wolfe Is"
The Watertown weekly leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1912-1917, 1914-06-16
Orchid Species Multiply.

A century ago only 800 species of
orchids were known, and those very
Imperfectly. Now the latest authority
gives the number 81 known species at
10000
The Watertown weekly leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1912-1917, 1914-06-16

Collars OF changeable taffeta or
broad stripes provide a bit of color on
the navy and black utility coats.
The Watertown weekly leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1912-1917, 1914-06-16

store), and fit it around the fireball.
Gigs and 81
Build a bonfire to supply hot air
for initiating the balloon, and place a
piece of screen wire over it to pre-
vent sparks from flying. Hold the
balloon above this fire until it is com
pletely inflated, then carefully light
loon tugs to get away, release it.
The Watertown weekly leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1912-1917, 1914-06-16

The shower bouqet" is preferred
by some brides, this pretty style being
effected by innumerable narrow satin
ribbons falling from the bouquet, trail
ing down, and knotted with blossoms,
making a shower all the way to the
foot of the skirt
The Watertown weekly leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1912-1917, 1914-06-16
GOOD THINGS TO EAT.

While bran bread is SO popular with
many people it may be well to have
The Watertown weekly leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1912-1917, 1914-06-16
PROGRESS by laundering.

To err is not only human. it Is pro
gressive.-Puck-
The Watertown weekly leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1912-1917, 1914-06-16
STRAW BERRIES.

In the early season, when berries
are expensive, a very few used for
The Watertown weekly leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1912-1917, 1914-06-16

garnish or in pleasing
combinations with other
dishes will not make ex-
pensive dishes. Cold
nodded rice with straw
berry sauce is always de-
licious. A cereal pud-
ding using cream OF
Abbeville progress. (Abbeville, Vermilion Parish, La.) 1913-1944, 1914-09-26

The incident served to show that
the nerves of the war-weary crowds OF
the greater city are on edge. The
novelty of the great European conflict
has worn off long since, and the peo-
pie are beginning to take sides Par
tisans are becoming irritable. and on
the street corners these days numerous
dstic encounters are averted only by
the vigilance Of the policemen who
are stationed around all the bulletin
boards.
Abbeville progress. (Abbeville, Vermilion Parish, La.) 1913-1944, 1914-09-26

changing sentiment, too. is M
lceable. At the outset OF the war
most all the expressed sympa,bv al, a.,
LOT the allies. English, French ans
RUSSIAN possibly because there waro
few Germans about. were
AFTER the Germans succeeded IN 8.
yading France, and got so oIoa III
Paris that the French canitaI 70
moved to Bordeaux, there was vas
crease Of German sentiment IN IN
mans and Communications arc yer
coming bolder. They express ~. oe'
feelings unreservedly. their
Abbeville progress. (Abbeville, Vermilion Parish, La.) 1913-1944, 1914-09-26

OF your department it is immediately
oonciuued that the town has been
seized by the Germans and has been
wiped out. 'eeD
iour local paper tells you quite
seriously that the Russians have on
tered Berlin and that Potsdam na,aoa
70 III runs Then you get dark hints
mat whole French regiments are De.
moraiized and that officers and me-
nave been executed by scores. with a
ulslingulshed general thrown in. &C..
man spies by the dozen are arrested
everywhere" 0''eS
Abbeville progress. (Abbeville, Vermilion Parish, La.) 1913-1944, 1914-09-26

france there is not family that has
not suffered privation, ruin or loss of
a member, mostly the breadwinner.
someone goes to Paris with the inten-
ton OF returning home the next day.
and is just swallowed up. A week
passes and nothing is heard of him.
ANGEL recited with much amuse.
ment some of the rumors current
daily For instance" he said, IF the
train service stops at the chief town
Abbeville progress. (Abbeville, Vermilion Parish, La.) 1913-1944, 1914-09-26

Norman Angel. the worlds neace
pIopasandlst of London. has been in
france where he has been shut off
from the outside world in a small vii.
iage on the western border. OF his
experiences he said:
soldiers soldiers everywhere. II
was impossible to get away from them
was living cheek by jowl with them.
sitting round the camp fires and dis
eussing the war and politics. In
Abbeville progress. (Abbeville, Vermilion Parish, La.) 1913-1944, 1914-09-26
NEW WORKERS BECOMING IRRITABLE OVER WAR

New York.-"Giants win. Kaiser
loses That ingenious cry by an en-
terprising newsboy on a Broadway cor
ner, when the New York Nationals
won game and the Germans advanc-
ing on Paris met a reverse, almost
caused riot. SympathiZers with the
allies cheered the gamin to the echo,
and bought all his papers, while the
adherents of the kaiser denounced the
boy roundly and threatened to run
him off the street.
Abbeville progress. (Abbeville, Vermilion Parish, La.) 1913-1944, 1914-09-26

American women may invent their
esn styles here av home. b~t !, 90
safe guess that all their new silvia
garments this year will have military
names.
Abbeville progress. (Abbeville, Vermilion Parish, La.) 1913-1944, 1914-09-26

II Americans are forced n m.te
their own fashions 1t won't be very
hard for them to improve on some OF
the designs that have come over from
Paris.
Abbeville progress. (Abbeville, Vermilion Parish, La.) 1913-1944, 1914-09-26

Prophets OF evil' now have n sno
opportunity to get together and pre-.
dict all kinds Of disasters with a fair
cnance OF their prophecies coming
true.
Abbeville progress. (Abbeville, Vermilion Parish, La.) 1913-1944, 1914-09-26

There is no need now OF anvona.s
studying geography through q corr,
spondenee course, Free instruction
including maps. Is now plentifulIv
supplied by the daily press.
Abbeville progress. (Abbeville, Vermilion Parish, La.) 1913-1944, 1914-09-26

IL the military idea rules the com.
ing fashions. as predicted and en-
mnerent nations engaged in hostiu-
ties serve as models. the streets win
look like so many fancy dress halle
Abbeville progress. (Abbeville, Vermilion Parish, La.) 1913-1944, 1914-09-26

Some enterprising coast resor,
ought to get some of the European ma.
tons to hold their sea battles wbaro
we may witness them. v
Abbeville progress. (Abbeville, Vermilion Parish, La.) 1913-1944, 1914-09-26

fhere VIII be no international yacht
race this year, which is the only r.n
o. light penetrating an extremai',
muddled situation neiS
Abbeville progress. (Abbeville, Vermilion Parish, La.) 1913-1944, 1914-09-26

On ascertaining that franctireur "a
only another name for bushwhacker
We have to hand it to France for M.
likeness '
Abbeville progress. (Abbeville, Vermilion Parish, La.) 1913-1944, 1914-09-26

pessimist is man who can sit
Gown before an ice cold watermelon
and still wear frown.
Abbeville progress. (Abbeville, Vermilion Parish, La.) 1913-1944, 1914-09-26

The discouraging thing about the
KISSES for votes idea is that a fellow
has only one vote.
Abbeville progress. (Abbeville, Vermilion Parish, La.) 1913-1944, 1914-09-26

Moving erematories which clean nm
modern hattlefelds BY the sirnn,.
process of burning the dead. NAV ba
sanitary but they are by no means
cAeerful
Abbeville progress. (Abbeville, Vermilion Parish, La.) 1913-1944, 1914-09-26

"hen the war in Europe ends there
should be bargains In handsome
antique thrones
Abbeville progress. (Abbeville, Vermilion Parish, La.) 1913-1944, 1914-09-26

They may be headliners in baseball
nut nobody ever heard Of the street
cleaners winning any. street cleanine
championships.
Abbeville progress. (Abbeville, Vermilion Parish, La.) 1913-1944, 1914-09-26

Still, II Holland should bo sorn,
short on ammunition. she might fire
Edam cheeses into the enemv's r,nrs
Abbeville progress. (Abbeville, Vermilion Parish, La.) 1913-1944, 1914-09-26

IL Is Just possible that the Hans
burg countess who was once n CO.
viii eventually find practical use son
her abilities again. '0i
Abbeville progress. (Abbeville, Vermilion Parish, La.) 1913-1944, 1914-09-26

horse will get tired. and an auto.
mobile viii have to have new tires.
And there you are.
Abbeville progress. (Abbeville, Vermilion Parish, La.) 1913-1944, 1914-09-26

Many a man can give a good ar.
count OF himself in an emergency
after the emergency has passed
Abbeville progress. (Abbeville, Vermilion Parish, La.) 1913-1944, 1914-09-26

Another question that is agitatine
society is what will take the nlace 20
the tango and the maxixe next season
Abbeville progress. (Abbeville, Vermilion Parish, La.) 1913-1944, 1914-09-26

mas been figured out that the
great European war will cost s54 600.
GOO day And 1t isn't worth n
Abbeville progress. (Abbeville, Vermilion Parish, La.) 1913-1944, 1914-09-26

A boy with two stomachs has been
discovered in Switzerland. The av.
erage boy seems TO have two.
Abbeville progress. (Abbeville, Vermilion Parish, La.) 1913-1944, 1914-09-26

Football heroes this year will have
70 share their fame with others who
are playing rougher game.
Abbeville progress. (Abbeville, Vermilion Parish, La.) 1913-1944, 1914-09-26

Inc feminist note in the uproar In
Europe has been struck. A Russian
woman spy has been arrested IN
Sweden.
Abbeville progress. (Abbeville, Vermilion Parish, La.) 1913-1944, 1914-09-26

THOSE dreadnaughts seem to dread
about everything.
Abbeville progress. (Abbeville, Vermilion Parish, La.) 1913-1944, 1914-09-26

"hen a man realizes that he has
oeen done he wants to roast some
body.
Abbeville progress. (Abbeville, Vermilion Parish, La.) 1913-1944, 1914-09-26

ihose who proposed to go abroad
can no" have a chance to see their
own country.
Abbeville progress. (Abbeville, Vermilion Parish, La.) 1913-1944, 1914-09-26

fhe hrupps are not complaining Of
hard times
Abbeville progress. (Abbeville, Vermilion Parish, La.) 1913-1944, 1914-09-26

IL sounds ParadoXicai. but the man.
aser OF health resort is seldom there
for hts health.
Abbeville progress. (Abbeville, Vermilion Parish, La.) 1913-1944, 1914-09-26

Some punster suggests that the Ger.
mans are finding the road to Paris
paved with Belgian block.
Abbeville progress. (Abbeville, Vermilion Parish, La.) 1913-1944, 1914-09-26

rerhaps the phrase will be changed
rom caught a Tartar" to caught
Befgian."
Abbeville progress. (Abbeville, Vermilion Parish, La.) 1913-1944, 1914-09-26

how many nv sWatters have you
worn out this summer?
Abbeville progress. (Abbeville, Vermilion Parish, La.) 1913-1944, 1914-09-26

America may now he forced TO raise
crop OF opera singers.
Abbeville progress. (Abbeville, Vermilion Parish, La.) 1913-1944, 1914-09-26

"a submarine with its periscope shot
ou IL IKE a cyciops with his one eye
punched out.
Abbeville progress. (Abbeville, Vermilion Parish, La.) 1913-1944, 1914-09-26

Aud there's many a slip 'twixt the
service and the tin.
Abbeville progress. (Abbeville, Vermilion Parish, La.) 1913-1944, 1914-09-26

The sumner girl is counting up the
seasons oouquests..
Abbeville progress. (Abbeville, Vermilion Parish, La.) 1913-1944, 1914-09-26

war is one game in which every
body concerned loses.
Abbeville progress. (Abbeville, Vermilion Parish, La.) 1913-1944, 1914-09-26

european soldiers fight in many
languages. but the guns speak only
Abbeville progress. (Abbeville, Vermilion Parish, La.) 1913-1944, 1914-09-26

why not teach the army worm TO
eat dandeiion2
Abbeville progress. (Abbeville, Vermilion Parish, La.) 1913-1944, 1914-09-26

Mars makes no complaint Of bad
business
Abbeville progress. (Abbeville, Vermilion Parish, La.) 1913-1944, 1914-09-26

A man is seldom crossed in love Of
self