davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Hawaiian gazette., 1914-05-01
americans SET UP GIVE "
Government AND MARTIAL I
LAW in CITY OF vERACRUz

Officials Named With One Exception Are
from Civil Ranks---Genera Funston
Arrives With Command and Will
Take Over Command Of Forces in
Control Of Mexican Port from Naval
Forces on Thursday Refugees Leav-
ing City Of Mexico by Train Loads
The Hawaiian gazette., 1914-05-01

VII N u Sh 'prau the well. know
IliIp r"n,h her aud business man, is in
the city Gu business.
The Hawaiian gazette., 1914-05-01

Many Placed in Linleliqht
In upper panel shown two sailors signaling below
cruiser Dixie which mother ship torpedo boat destroy
er IN Mexican waters lower panel left typical group Of
marines at right admiral G j. Bush fourth Of the quartet
Z of navy commanders HNMH 1851 tttNFN~
The Hawaiian gazette., 1914-05-01
TAX
. IS STRONGLY
FAVORED
Special Report of Investigators on
Cost of Roadmaking and Means
for Getting Better Streets Dis
cussed at Length and Adopted
at Meeting Of Oahu Central I'm
provement Committee.
(From Wednesday Advertiser

(From Wednesday Advertiser.)
Adopting the report of a special com.
mittee by r. 4. Reidford, the Oahu Cen
tral Improvement Committee went on
record last night at well attended
meeting as being strongly in favor of
putting the frontage tax laws, enacted
by the last legislature, into effest i'm.
mediately. The subcommittee report
was gone over in detail and with few
slight changes was adopted unanimous-
w. Chairman G. w. Ashford called for
general discussion and debate on the
report from the members present.
Evening star., 1914-04-19
Fellow slaves he upturned and
Lanpin' Leary gets up to tn orator

carry away TIL cigar signs. burn TIL
wather wurruks, an set up an indepin-
dint government in tn park. causin'
gr-reat injury to tn geeranyum beds.
But polls spies had been at wurruk
an tn military plans iv tn polls were
laid accordingly. Wan brigade guarded
tn avnoo. A sicond threatened tn line
iv rethreat while tn rist iv TIL corps.
undher TIL personal direction iv Inspector
Flatfut hmsilf. attacked tn rivoluchi
nary ARMY. A scene iv gr-reat carnage
ensooed. TIL angry reds fought despritly.
Undher tn leadership iv Polliacci Po-
lenty, an Eyetalian fanatic who said
aftherward that he was thryin to get
home to his family. they charged re
peatedly. But this Is not tn first time
Inspector F'latfut has had to meet
charges an he hurled thin back with
gr-reat loss. Th' mounted polls acted
with TIL greatest gallantry. again an
again ridin' down tn angry Reds. So TIL
tide iv battle moved to an fro. an to tn
INTERESTED spectators it seemed that it
wud niver end. But afther five minyits iv
incessant conflict TIL polls held TIL field
an we're stackin tn mutilated prs ners
Evening star., 1914-04-19

Leary an inflamed be tn incendyary ut
terances iv Percy F'Iub. gathered in tn
park an were about to march up tn
avnoo cryin' ''Hooray FIR anarchy.
Death to capital Down with tn as
sistant sicrety iv tn Departmin iv Com
merce an Labor Cit off me fut Stop
pushin,'' 20 look at Paddy McGuire's $
father ridn' a horse an other rivolu-
chinary cries. whin thev were attacked
be foorce iv polls undher tn gallant
Inspector F1atfut 4 turr BILE battle in
sooled which atthracted thousan's iv
pleasure seekers firm tn ncighborin no.
tells an barrooms. AS We go to press tn
issue iv th' bloody conflict is still in
doubt. TIL polls unquestyonably won
most iv tn sprints. but TIL riviluchinists
claim to be victors in all tn long distance
ivints, although our correspondent at
Wan Hundherd an Ninety-eight sthreet
reported at midnight that Officer Mulcahy
was gainin on Limpin Lcary.
''Th' plan iv TIL rivoluchinsts was to
march north along TIL avnoo smash in
tn club windows. sack tn grocery stores,
Evening star., 1914-04-19

tempt to interfere with the arrangement
in future
He had been crossing the street, when
a gust of wind removed his silk hat
which rolled under the wheels of a pass
ing omnibus.
As the old gentleman picked up his
battered headgear he was greeted with
a yell of laughter from a gang of boys
at the corner of the street.
Turning furiously, with the intention Of
reading his tormentors a lesson. the old
gentleman paused as he found one boy
wearing anything but cheerful express
sion.
MY boy he said. effusively you're
the only little gentleman in the party.
Here's shilling for you. Now. tell me,
why didn't you laugh with your compan-
ionsc'
Because. sir" replied the youngster.
as he pocketed the coin, I'D my back
turned and didn't see the fun
Evening star., 1914-04-19

iv war in tn pathrol wagons an cartin
thin off to tn polls station or telin' thin
to get along out iy here.
While tn main body was engaged
with tn rivoluchinary ARMY a detach-
ment iv cav'lry undher Lootnant Graball
was navin' a desprt encounter with an
angry Red be tn name iv Geeseppy Men
". age nine, who was discovered chaikln
tn wurruds Down with governmint'' on
a fence. Til miscreant wud've escaped If
he hadn't got stuck on TIL Wurrud gov
ernmint-such is tn irony iv tn position
iv these people who wud desthroy what
they cannot spell. Again an again he
was charged be tn mounted polls, but he
stood with his back again tn fence an
they cud not reach him without hurtin'
tneir horses noses. Fin'lly Pathrolman
Mulligan iv tn thraffic squad dismounted
firm his steed. an at gr-reat risk to his
life rushed tn angry Red an, afther
Evening star., 1914-04-19
I'm GERMAN VENICE,

tertainments are generally of high
order. and the lectures are frequently il
Illustrated by motion pictures.
Free concerts are given in the central
part of the city each Sunday by one of
the military bands stationed at Erfurt
These bands often play free of charge at
entertainments given for charitable pur-
poses. They also play frequently in other
public resorts, to which an entrance fee
of from 5 to cents is charged Good
music can be heard somewhere nearly
every summer evening in Erfurt at little
or no cost.
Evening star., 1914-04-19
His Reason.

From London Tit-Bits.
1--WE often heard that virtue is its own
reward" said an old gentleman to the
writer recently, .'and hang me if l at
Evening star., 1914-04-19

7 must nc harh
wurruk hein' an
agytator. said Mr..
Dooley.
II d like tn job"
said Mr.. ffennessy.
Your" cried Mr..
Dooley. What wud
ye be doin' in a
job like that? Be-
sides bein' mex
dure to a deef mute
We often wurruk
Evening star., 1914-04-19

fr Twin an sometimes get it, A flne
agytator yed he. standin' on tn back "
a dhray maxim few deleryous gestures,
spluttherin' with rage. an thin jumpin'
lnto tn sthreet an hfttin' tn first polls
man ye met with a shovel No. sir: an
agytator must start with tn power iv
speech. he must niver agytate himself.
an he shudden't iver come in contact
with TIL polls.
why. tn aGytators an til polls ought
10 be tn best iv frinds. Wan cud har'ly
exist without tn other. an they furnish
each other with good dale iv conjanial
empl11uint in tn coorse in tn year. If
il wasn't f'r tn agytator tn polls wud be
busy detindiu property. an if it wasn't I
fr tn polls tn agytator wud be at home
compiainin' to his wife about tn cook.
Evening star., 1914-04-19

We see, it's this way. II is :; o'clock in
III Afternoon an tn agytator is david
lin over his breakfast an wondherin'
whether tn sthrucgle is worth tn cost
He had a hard night tn night befure. y
lady down in Michigan avnoo who runs
a saloon
What ARE We taIkin' about" said Mr.
Henuessy - lady run \ saloon? l
niver heard tn like"
Here it is in tn pa-aper said Mr.
Dooley.
-" Las night at Mrs Bu}lyyard s'-no.
it's spelled salon. Well it's tn same
thing ou'l tn drinks ar'rc free. Any
how. our hero had had tough time. He
was interrupted again an again. an
uhin hp got back to tn club he had a
quarrel with TIL cabman over tn fare.
He was sore at heart. Here he had la
bored t'r III cause liver since he left col
ledge ou'T 10 have wan iv his protijees
compel him To pay dollar FIR tn ride
whin tn legal face is rs cints have his
intelleck knocked out firm uudher his
Stovepipc hat
He reluctantly chose tn former al
though tn sacrifice iv principal cost him
dear. Rut he soon shook off this moment
X gloom, fr his eye lighted on a small
paragraph down in tn left hand corner
iv TIL basement v tn sheet that reported
professor at Harvard as sayin' that
there We're two millyon unemployed in
m city iv Chicago. What says he. all
these people without morsel iV wurruk?
he says Call cab.' he says. an is
soon specdin' to the Lake Front.
Evening star., 1914-04-19

"Manctnc things is goiu' badly with
his frinds tn polls. Tn S'cjety f'r tn
Previntiou iv Noise has complained iv
tn clatter " tn little ball in tn wheel:
desk serseants has been discovered sell
IN OPIUM pipes over tn desk. an sivral
burglars has wrote to tn pa-apers COM
rlainin- that there must be graft in tn
engravin' department iv tn ceuthral Of
flee because tn ink rubs off their licenses
to steal. Th' iver vigilant press with
IN wandhrin' eye has denna nded that tn
chief iv polls be beheaded, a massmeetin
has been called to hang III inspectors,
an indicted Pathrolman Schmidt FIR
gran larceny in takin' Il coffee bean out
" q harl in front v grocery store. At a
combined use etin iv thh Commercial club,
III Board iv Thrade, tn Stock Exchange,
tn Methodist ministers, an tn naytional
bank PRESIDENTS resolutions arre passed
Sayin' things about tn polls foorce that
if | said thin I'd get a good headache
an callin' upon tn mayor to abolish tn
department as tn most useless, scand'l-
Gus. thievin' band iv cowardly. threach-
erous. blackmaiIin duremat enbezZlers
on IN face iv tn globe
There is CONSERVATION at hcadquar-
tors. TIL gamblin' houses ARE compell-
cd to pun down their blinds. wire tap
pers ARE no longer permitted to use
m coorfho steps in their business.
an inspectors refuse to accipt checks
Tr their services an ar-re put TO tn ex-
pinse il sendin' on to Nash-nton to tn
Treasury Department fr experts to ex-
anime their fees f'r Identification marks.
But th agytator soon sinds sunshine
into tn hearts iv tn PROTECTORS iv our
property an our privileges. He gets up
in III park all be himsif an says he:
Fellow slaves. he says. as 7 gaze into
this sea iv upturned faces he says in a
voice that rings with passyon. Limpin'
who has been aSieep bench,
dhreams that no has been stabbed i'll tn
ear. mutters Go away an thin whin
IN pain don't stop wakes up. looks
around an toddles over to tn orator.
Evening star., 1914-04-19

Other slumberln forms rise an do
tn same. TIL vast rnultichood is in
creased be a number iv angry proletar-
ians that has been playin' ball or rollin
hoops They gather around this here
Rubespere an laugh at his funny faces.
\ couple iv t.yetalian laborers on their
way home stop to look an wondher
what it's all about. An Misther Chair
man az Fellow Bondsmen' says TIL
ballyhoo that day so long postponed
has now arrived. Til hour is here
Sthrike. he says. at tn mermaidens iv
capital. he says. March up tn avnoo'
he says. in serried ranks. Smash in TIL
windows. burn. pillage. slay, tip over
fruit stands. destnroy. till not a vistige
~ tn hated tyranny remains he says.
Here comes wan iv III iamesaries iv
power he says. as polisman walks
down tn sthrect. .Iiuri yeersilf on him.
he says. Here. taxi, he says. 'Dhrive
me to tn Reform club an be quick about
II or I'll have ye fred he says. An
vhin he gets to tn club tn other
arnychists desert their game ~ doninoes
an ask him what has happened. 'Th'
revolution has begun. is all he will say.
An he sets with folded arms in a cor
ner waitn' FIR tn pa-apers to come out.
inspector Flatfut is settin' in tn sta
ton house breathin on his dimon' ring
an wondherin whin tn wave iv in
dusthreel depressyon in tn polls depart
mint will blow over. At that minyit tn
iditor iv tn Daily Fluff calls him up be
tillyphone an tells him there's an
arnychist rite in tn park. What hap
pens afther that III read ye out iv tn
pa-apers. Here it is:
".ARNYCHISTS ROUTED.
"Turr'ble " Battle Between Angry Reds
an Polls.
Many Wounded.
"'Offcers iv tn Law Act with Great
Gallantry an Disperse Enormous Mob
Bent on Destruction iv Life
an Property.
".At three O'Clock yisterdah Afternoon
q frenzied mob iv arnychists, mostly fur
rtners, led be tn NOTORIOUS Limpin'
Evening star., 1914-04-19

".At three O'Clock yisterdah afternoon
q frenzied mob iv arnyehists, mostly fur
rtners, led be tn NOTORIOUS Limpin'
Evening star., 1914-04-19

- EMARKABLE advances in the
X matter of municipal recreation
facilities have been made in the
The daily telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1901-1926, 1914-04-21
Ne COUNCIL
ENTERS upon
OFFICIAL DUTY
Some appointments Are Made
and Salaries of0ffIcerS and
Employees Are Fixed.

At a meeting Of the city council
Monday evening fve councilmen, the
new city clerk. superintendent of
streets and collector and treasurer
qualified
Councilmen Judge. Flaherty.
Barnes, Smith, Boehm and Conway
attended, Mayor Will II, Cole presided
and Clerk w. R. Johnson kept the
minutes
Lafayette c. Grille was re appointed
city attorney for the year.
Charles Martin and Robert Reed
were named city crematory keepers.
The mayor was authorized to ap-
point lieutenant of police and eleven
policemen. The appointments will be
announced May /.
The FIRE committee was empowered
to name nine men for the fire depart
ment. This will be done May /.
Monthly salaries we're fixed as fol-
Mayor, $125 city clerk, $125; collec-
tor and treasurer, Sl25; superinten-
dent OF streets, 500; chief OF police,
s1G0; lieutenant of police, $50; police
men, $40; chief of fire department,
$50; assistant fire chief, SIS; iremen,
$40; city physician, $40; city engineer
$50; city attorney, sS5; janitor, $40;
keeper of crematory, $50; and assist
ant, $50.
The annual salary Of the city asses
sor was fixed at $500, to be divided
into two installments as the work is
done.
Selection of city engineer ana sani-
tary oficer was deferred until later
date.
The water board reported the fixing
of salaries, bonds and wages OF Its de-
partment men.
The 1000 bond Of City Treasurer
Rady and the $500 Of Chief of Police
Brooks were placed with the American
/ Surety Company. OF New York, the
| city paying the premiums.
The mayor reported 81, 600 in taxes
remaining uncollected.
The daily telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1901-1926, 1914-04-21
WATER
Fountain Association Holds a
Meeting and Good Progress
is Reported Thereat.

The city water fountain association
met last evening in the Episcopal par
ish house with Chairman Harvey W.
FIarmer. presiding.
The Information committee, con-
sisting of Mrs. Orpha st. Clair, Mrs
Dina Payne, Miss Mamie Lowe, Per
kins Boyton and G. H, Duthte, report
led the following recommendations:
The establishment OF seven PEDESTAL
hubbler drinking fountains, each to
be equipped with cooler, thus furnish
ing ice cold water for the fountain.
The locations to be at the court house
corner, postoffice, Empire bank conner
Clark square, in front of Orpheum
theater, interurban station, Baltimore
! and Ohio station, Linden avenue ana
/ Pike street corner.
At least three drinking troughs
must be established, at Angle Inn,
/ west Pike street; Gon bridge, East
Main streets; and Baltimore and
Fourth streets. Glen Elk.
The committee also reported the
following concessions by interested
citizens:
The Clarksburg Water and Sewer
age Board unanimously voted to give
water and furnish water and sewer
age connections for the fountains and
! troughs without charge. -
i One drinking trough for use in
Glen Elk donated.
The Ciarksburg Ice Company to
furnish free ice for seven coolers.
Permission given by the county
court to erect "a fountain in north
east corner of the court house yard.
Clarksburg Light and Heat Com
pany to furnish gas free to keep the
drinking troughs from freezing in the
| winter.
This report was adopted by the as
sociation.
A committee of six was appointed
/ to confer with the city council
( A motion carried to raise the fund
/ for the establishment Of the fountains
and troughs by popular subscription,
! and q finance committee. with s g.
Stevens chairman. will be named to
| look after the work.
The next meeting Of the association
Will be at the call OF the chairman
The daily telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1901-1926, 1914-04-21

Kong and Buenos Ayres- It's agents
are always looking for noveities' p, p,
E. Wallace may be Just called the
.scircus king as he is the largest In
I,dividual circus owner IN the enars
world. His name has been isped
BY the mouths of two generations OF
children,
Today the circus has reached
size that is giving the railroads much
concern. If the three trains we're
any longer they could not handle
them. It enrolls over 1900 people
a thousand OF whom travel along VIII
Ethe show. 1t has 500 horses, three
herds of elephants, and 600 other an
imals. All of the equipment through
out this season is new. It cost the
owner, Mr.. Wallace, $4,000,0OO. the
| parade alone represents cash out, out
is worth half as much The best cir
| Gus artists In the world have been
engaged for this season; there are
| 600 of them.
Doors to the big show VIII be
opened at / and z pm Performance
! will begin an hour later. The parade
kleaves the grounds at 10 o'clock.
The daily telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1901-1926, 1914-04-21

Sweden In 1912 bought $S6s 900
The daily telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1901-1926, 1914-04-21
Mr.. FART
of West Union, Well Known
Window Glass Worker, Al
tends MeetingOf EagIes.

L. q. Hart, a well known and pop
ular window glass worker, was here
last evening from West, Union ano
he attended a meeting OF tne !oSflA
terie Of EAGLES. which had limitations
Mr.. Hart stated that the Dodd ridge
window Glass Conpany at, West IN A.
ion would operate Its plant in Iul4
until May 90, the regular end OF the
seasons IRE. The company has had
a very good year, opera ting It's plant I6
in full all the time. II employs Iue
horers. Latham Charter, prom1nent
banker and politician, Is president Oh
the company
The daily telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1901-1926, 1914-04-21
PEN PLOMING
is Begun and 1875 Acres Will
Be Ready Soon for Sowing
and Planting.

Warden M. L. Browns convict
farmers have begun the work of
east of Moundsville, after being de-
layed two or three weeks longer than
usual by unfavorable weather condi-
tions, accompanying a late spring.
over 125 acres of the finest farming
land In the famous Grave Greek bot
toms are to be p1owed up during the
week If the weather permits. Plant
ing will follow immediately.
The state prison farm and dairy
are models in every respect and con-
tribute much toward making the pen
al institution not only se1f-supp orting
but money maker for the state. The
vegetables and produce raised also
make possible prison bill of fare
that is probably not equalled for
wholesomeness and health conducive
the country. All the farming is done
BY cOnvicts, at practically no cost to
the state.
The daily telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1901-1926, 1914-04-21
lF
TOO ILL TO WORK


Rasota, MINI. / am glad to say
that Lydia 3. Pinkham's Vegetable
The daily telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1901-1926, 1914-04-21
80 oursa z. 8 e 81 ~.

IlTI1ufsIEL8 refund money u ~ LA9LNI~
afFSIr falls to cure Itching, Blind,
tB1sedinr or Frotrudiiig Pttes. tdrst
lApplIcation gives roliel 1lQ.
The daily telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1901-1926, 1914-04-21

table Compound, and now I feel like q
different person. believe there Is
nothing ike Lydia E. Pinkham's Vege-
table Compound for weak women and
young girls, and would be glad if I
could influence anyone to try the medi-
cine, for know it viii do all and much
more than it is claimed to do. - Mrs.
CLARA FRANKS, R. F. D. No. ], Maple
crest Farm, Kasota, MINI.
Women who suffer from those dis
tressing ills peculiar to theft sex should
be convinced of the ability of Lydia E.
Pinkham's Vegetable Compound tore
store their health by the many genuine
and truthful testimonials we are con-
stantly publishing in the newspapers.
IF you have the slightest doubt
that Lydia Z. Pinkham'S Vegeta~
bic Compound viii help you. write
to Lydia r. Pinkl1amMedicin
(confdential) Lynn, Mass, for ad-'
vice. Your letter viii be opened
read and answered by q woman
and held in strict confidence,
The daily telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1901-1926, 1914-04-21

@fgAAlk AAG2 A1NAG
more for me than
anything else and I
had the best physi-
clan here I was so
weak and nervous
that I could not do
my work and suf-
fered with pains low
down in my right
side for a year or
more. I took Lydia
u. Pinkham's Vege-
The daily telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1901-1926, 1914-04-21
nozEN oFFnNDERs.

An even dozen Offenders. all
charged with being drunk. were ar
raigned before Mayer VIII H. gole
in police court Tuesday morning;
Five OF them paid thafT fines ana
the other seven were released.
The daily telegram. [volume] (Clarksburg, W. Va.) 1901-1926, 1914-04-21

IsADTEsi The HnyDoo POLISHING
PAD Is here. Get demonstrat iou- IL
cIeana ahd T5oltsaeS SilvdrlVyare, gold,
cut glass mirrors. nickel. brass;s alum-
fullu. etc etc. 1t makes them look
new. RnsltiWaly VIII not sKl144re lsaly-
thinRs Works Ike mako. Y14t ana
SURE Price Csc Moo b. tlle = flk
NJ Co C1ev9 Lana. ~ zato, 500. 80 cur
lifefftct aR6hf AEft IA w 9Nl1t tslssai
The Lee County journal. (Leesburg, Ga.) 1904-19??, 1914-06-25
LAST FOURTH OF JULY

Last Fourth OF July was only six,
A regular little chump,
got into dreadful Ak.
You see there was a stump
In our back yard, where / used to play
All sorts of things alone;
On Sundays twas pulpit,
On week days twas throne.
l was preacher Sundays,
And the pickets on the fence
Were the people that preached to,
But / didn't preach no sense.
On other days was q king
The pickets were my people.
/ wore a golden paper crown
All pointed like steeple.
Well, Fourth of July nay cousin Bob
Came from the great big town.
With crackers, punk and fireworks
To do the Fourth up brown
7 told him how was a king,
He is bigger some than me,
And he said we would have a SIEGE
The stump would be my fort
And he would try to blow it up,
He said twas lots of sport
So got up upon the stump,
And the crackers in a row
He piled up thick around the foot,
You should have heard il blowi
The stump caught fire, lost my head,
My father carried me to bed.
stayed in bed long. long time.
All bandaged-'twasn't fun.
I'm big this year-you needn't smile,
I'm not so big a ehump.
And IL Wa have annthar Sfaya
Bob can sit on the stump
The Lee County journal. (Leesburg, Ga.) 1904-19??, 1914-06-25

gates in congress to present to that body reso-
luton in favor Of the mighty schism from Eng
land, and the formal declaration Of the colonies
Independence. Richard Henry Lee on the 7th Of
June arose and solemnly moved that "the united
colonies are, and ought to be, free and independ-
ent states, and that their political connection
with Great Britain is and ought to be dissolved"
John Adams Of Massachusetts seconded the reso-
luton, and thereupon long and vehement debate
began. It was adopted by the closest possible
maiority-seven colonies giving it their approval,
six voting in the negative
committee was then appointed to draw up
the Declaration. Its members we're Benjamin
Franklin. John Adams, Thomas Jefferson Roger
Sherman and Robert r. Livingston.
The committee reported the result of its de-
alterations on June rs, the other members of con-
gress in the interim having bestirred themselves
to learn the wishes of their constituents.
Thomas Jefferson, as every one knows, was
The Lee County journal. (Leesburg, Ga.) 1904-19??, 1914-06-25
zoo Late.

On an Atlantic City pier, gazing
sadly out over the blue water, vet
eran Of the Civil war talked about
the late General Sickles.
"A good man" he said, "a brave
man, but a most theatrical one. In
the black tragedy of his youth. he was
kind to his wife, but something
marred, something vitiated his kind
ness-I think 1t was theatricalism
and the poor young woman died two
years after he took her back.
"Once, at an army reunion, / heard
Sickles rebuke man who was rum
ming down wives and marriages.
Sickles said with a queer smile. a
significant smile, perhaps:
"'Ah. Jim, the trouble with the
average married man Is that he
doesn't know what jewel his wife is
till he comes to put her In a casket "