davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1914-03-05
SURELY MADE MEANING PLAIN
Little Doubt About Uncle Jeff's opin-
ion Of Coming Marriage of His
Young Master.

Apropos Of his policy of silence,
Mayor Mitchell of New York said at
dinner:
I'm silence there is safety. They
who want opinions often get opinions
they don't want. Take the young
planters case.
"A young Mississippi planter had a
servant, Uncle JEFF, who had cared
for him as child and who was very
devoted to him. The young man be-
came engaged to a neighboring beau
ty, who was credited with very bad
temper. Noticing that Uncle jeff
never mentioned his approaching mar
riage, the young planter said one day:
Jeff, you know I'm going to marry
Miss Lamar
YES was the reply, knows it,
81 haven't heard you say anything
about It, persisted the planter.
"'No,' JEFF acknowledged. 'Tain't
for me to say muffin about it. isn't
got muffin to say
"'But what's your opinion about it?'
Well, massa,' said JEFF with some
hesitation, you knows one thing-the
most pisenesest snakes has got the
most prettiest SKINS"
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1914-03-05
Hard TO Spell by Ear.

Joseph p. Tumulty, secretary to Pres
ident Wilson, tells of a former mem
Der of the Jersey City board of educa-
ton. who. upon a visit to one of the
schools. took reader from the teach
ers hand, and addressed the nearest
little girl
my dear. can you spell egypt" he
said
The little girl didn't recognize the
word. but was willing to take chance,
so she said:
"E-g-g-p-i-t.",
"Erroneous--can anybody else spell
ft?" the inquisitor asked, looking over
the room.
Other children tried Some spelled 1t
with one 6; others with two is. Still
wrong. The member of the board had
his big finger on the word, and knew.
He turned to the teacfen
OF course. ma'am, you know how to
spell it?"
The teacher blushed and confessed
that. while she was not familiar with
the word. she would expect it to be
spelled as it sonnded-'e -g-g-p-i-t.''
Not familiar with it!' roared the
guardian of the public instruction. Not
familiar with tits right here in the
bookn
The teacher looked, and saw the word
-EEypt
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1914-03-05
DRUG HOUSE ENJOINED
BY FEDERAL COURT

Judge jeremiah Neterer. of the
United States district court, to-day
granted permanent injunction in be-
half Of the Centaur Company of New
York, the manufacturers of Fletcher's
Castoria, against the Stewart &
Holmes Drug Company of this city.
The controversy arose from the sim
ulating of the labels of this well-known
preparation, and from, the evidence
filed in the case it was shown that the
infringing label was first discovered
on sale in Honolulu, and was traced to
its origin here in Seattle.
The defendant company is one Of
the, oldest and largest concerns Of its
kind in the Northwest.
The decree carries with it an order
that the Stewart & Holmes Company
recall the goods which are on the mar
ket under the infringing label, and to
pay all costs in the suit and damages
assessed at $4OO.-Seattle. Wash.
"Times. ADV.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1914-03-05
TROUSERS ARE WORN
WITH SLIT SKIRTS
New Fashion Adopted byismart
Parisiennes Prevents
Colds.

London. Special-lrashionab wom-
en- in London are agitated over the
latest feminine mode. which is the
creation of a wellknown Partisan
coutur!er OF the Rue de la PaiN. 1t is Il
walking costume consisting of short
coat. wrapover' and skirt fastening
In front over n pair of trousers. Ine
trousers have the fashionable center
crease and are turned up mt the bot
toms The first model of the new mode
just reached London and the repre-
sentative of the firm which is eNhibl-
ting it thus describes its advantages:
1t is really an invention which is
intended to make the current fashions
more convenient. We have had slit
skirts so far and the slit is Il natural
result of the tight garment which ham
pered the wearers movements. The
Slit usually showed the feet clad with
thin silk stockings. The slit which
shows over the trousers is Infinitely
more practical.
The wearer is not SO liable to eaten
cold. and moreover the trousers are
made of the same material as the skirt
and are less easily Observation-Disclosures.
Such. at least, is the opinion of the
smart Parisienne who has adopted this
style Of costume.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1914-03-05
BUYER WORSE THAN SELLER
In the Scale Of Depravlty the eriber
10 Far More to Be Feared Than
His Victim.

The man who sells for dollars is nc,
especially dangerous. One knows
what such person will do and trusts
only to that point OF weakness. 1t Is
safe point because 1t is where you
can see it. Indeed. the poor devil who
sells at any price is never SO much to
be feared as the man who does the
buying 1t is the latter who enter
tains the motive aid who looks for the
gain. He not only knows what he
wants, but he understands how to get
1t. He entertains hundred subtle ap-
proaches to seach the man to whom a
tender OF money would be an insult.
So many of us who could never sell
ind it exceedingly hard not to give
Los Angeles Times
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1914-03-05
The Simple Truth About PindelI.

Mr.. Pndell, OF Peoria was unquestfon-
ably ut to be ambassador to Russia. and
the last bit Of convincing evidence is his
most excellent and admirable letter to the
president declining the nomination which
the Senate has unanimously confirmed.
An ideal nomination il was not; ii was
for all that, better than the average nom
ination To such posts. The average Amer
ican ambassador. for years past has had
but he has had no previous diplomatic
experience. MIR. Pindell had no $l,0O0, 900
a year He was nothing but western
editor and nothing whatever of a snob
But he was philosophical and intelli-
gent student of affairs. entirely capable
OF as good service at st. Petersburg as
three-quarters of the men this country has
sent TO represent 1t at that capital in the
past quarter of century. We have heard
that u former American ambassador to a
European court remarked after an inter-
view with Mr.. Pindell 1.-THE newspapers
have been abusing that man.
The Pindell case has a humorous side.
1t began absolutely as Bryan hunt.
The name of Pindell was quaint and 1t
was unknown to the eastern editors who
chase the secretary of state with broken
crockery. Bryan was then being attacked
for dcbauching our diplomatic service and
it was promptly assumed that Pindell, the
obscure Illinois editor, was one of Bry-
ans old pals. for whom the arch-spoils
man OF the Wilson administration. was
debts. Such a chance to nail Bryan had
not before been offered. former stenog-
rapher OF Senator j. Hamilton Lewis. OF
Illinois. increased the excitement by forg-
ing a letter that made the Pindel nom
nation look almost like crime. pin
dellism" began to be talked about in
serious way.
The exposure of the forgery was some
thing of a blow. Further embarrassment
came when 1t was demonstrated that Mr..
Pindel had for years in Illinois politics
been an anti-Bryan man. that the secre-
tary had no possible personal interest in
the nomination and that the president
himself was solely responsible for the
choice. When the Senate after an in
vestigation, unanimously confirmed the
appointment. everyone seemed to be try
ing TO forget the case. The whole thing
had so fa,tened out that Mr.. Pindell could
have started for ST. Petersburg without
hearing another single squawk about the
debauching of our diplomatic service by
Bryan.
AZ the president says, Mr.. Pindell will
be happier to stay at home. Doubtless
his usefulness abroad had been impaired
by the ridiculous crusade against him.
But, after all, he comes out of the mess
in fine feather and can take more COM
fort than ever in his business. The man
who does not prefer being an editor in
Peoria to being an ambassador in any cap
ital In Europe does not have the right
streak In him.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1914-03-05
Old Time Manual 7.aiuina.
From the Chicago Journal


The number OF parents who object
to manua: training of their children as
Tad" is steadily decreasing. Per-
haps the few still recalcitrant might be
converted IL they could realize the
come to the world within two genera
tons.
In olden days, every home, and
especially every farm, was manual
training school, kept by that grimly
efficient teacher, necessity The pio-
neer who drove his wagon to the fat
prairies and wooded bottoms of Illi-
noiso Iowa and Minnesota was jack of
dozen trades and fairly good master
of some. Such handwork as falls TO
the lot of the modern farmer was
only the beginning of the pioneers ac-
complishmcnts.
He could swing an aX as not one
man In 10000 can do today. He made
his own aX-helves and on occasion he
could jump" the AK itself; that is, fit
1t with new cutting edge. He made
his own OK Jokes and bows and did
all common repair work on his wagon.
He built his own house and barns. He
could always use scythe and Cradle"
and rake and bind grain--this last no
mean trial of deftness, as the few still
left can attest. Usually he could shoe
horses and tan leather, and of course
he could handle a gun.
His wife and daughters could spin
and weave as well as sew. could run
candles cast bullets. and knit with
their eyes bandaged; and they carried
in their heads a score of patterns of
spreads" and curtains which our So
called buster age has forgotten.
Plainly this was course of hand
training compared to which our sew
crest schooling is amateurish and
weak. In these days the hand learns
a few simple movements and stops:
leaving machinery to do the rest. The
burden of civilization is carried by the
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1914-03-05
The Partisan Flea.

Paris Is invaded by fieas-one of the
plaques of Egypt. Everywhere one
sees worthy persons scratching,
scratching. discreetly, but earnestly,
and our chaste Parisiennes endure in
silence the most cruel torments. Vir-
ginia, would she not die rather than
be immodest AT the National IL
brary the pest is perhaps worse than
elsewhere. A reader complained the
other day to an attendant. The latter
did not admit that the establishment
to which he had the honor to belong
should be the object of such an accu-
sation
mo. monsieur he responded with
dignity, there are no more fieas in
our reading room than usual"
But" said the complainer. there
are fewer readers this vacation sea-
son, and the tleas are more numerous
on smaller number of victims. LIE
Cri de Paris.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1914-03-05
Joshina tho Artist.

AS a certain young artist of New
York sat upon his stool one day i'll the
Adirondacks, doing bit OF "mountain
stuff. there approached him from the
rear native. evidently with ideas of
his own touching art
did you ever try photography ?'
asked the newcomer.
No" was the curt response of the
young artist. who continued his work
It's a good deal quicker" suggested
the native
II suppose it is" sullsily answered
the painter. with another dab Of the
brush.
And" the native added. with a touch
of malice. "a good deal more like the
place"
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1914-03-05
A Cause Of stammerinq.

i f''f11 t1Is 1odttIlllUfU NEWS.
That stammering is often caused by try
Ing to force left handed children to use
the right hand is the interesting discov-
cry of p. b. Ballard London county coun-
Gil Inspector of schools. He also asserted
that to be left-handed was to be not mere
ly awkward but more prone to wicked
ness. He presents many statistics
Out of one group of 545 left-handed chill
dren per cent nf pure left-handers STAN
taught to use the right hand. In another
group Of 2o7 the figures were az per cent
and 2l.s per cent respectively. Six out of
10 left-handed children who had been
taught to use the right hand were prac-
tically cured Of stammering after being
Allowed to IKE the left hand exclusively
Cor IS months. There were twice as many
left-handed boys as left-handed girls and
stammerlng was twice as prevalent among
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1914-03-05
This Body is My House.

This body is my hcuse-it is not I:
Herein ! so1ourn,. till in some far sky
l., lease fairer dwelling. built to last
Tiil all the carpentry of time is past.
When from my high place viewing this
lone star,
bers are?
What tho the crumbling walls turn dust
and loam-
! l.. shall have left them for larger home.
What tho the rafters break, the stanch-
When earth has dwindled to a glimmering
spot.
When thou. clay cottage, fallest, I'll inn
nlerse
My long-cramped spirit in the universe.
Through uncomputed silences of space
J. shall yearn upward to the leaning Face.
The ancient heavens will roll aside for me,
As. As Moses o,s monarched the dividing sea,
This body is my louse--it is not 1;
Triumphant in this faith live and die
Frederick Lawrence Knowles
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1914-03-05
Couldn't Find II.

Albert was sent down by his mother
to get some horse-radish which she
needed about her pickles.
After quite an absence he came
back home, tired and empty-handed.
We'll, where is the horse-radish?"
asked his mother.
Why, mother, went to every liv-
ery-stable in town and they didn't
have bit" murmured Albert with a
weary sigh.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1914-03-05
Felt He Had Been pef,,uded

Felt He Had Been Defrauded.
Till. dear little French girl. had
yielded to a small temptation Her
stern little brother. Gallon, exposed
her at the luncheon table.
Mamma. when we went by the gro.
GERS shop this morning Till picked up
two Strawberries TINT had fallen from
the box on to the sidewalk and ate
them. Was that a sin?"
We'll, not a sin. exactly, but not
very nice or hygienic. hope neither
of you will ever do such a thing
again"
Are you sure it wasn't sin,
mammal"
Yes, dear smiling, I'm sure it
wasn't a sim"
Then" angrily demanded Gallon.
turning upon Till like a little whirl-
wind. why didn't you give me one?"
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1914-03-05

w. D. Smith, der Dodd's Kidney
Pills cured me of that end the Kidney
Trouble. | take Dodd's Kidney Pills
now to keep from having Backache. l
am ~ years cid and farmer You are
at liberty to publish this testimonial.
and you may use my picture in con.
nection with It," Correspond with Mr..
Smith about this wonderful remedy.
Dodd's Kidney Pills, soc. per box at
your dealer or Dodd's Medicine Co.
Buffalo, N. Y. Write for Household
Hints, also music of National Anthem
English and German words) and reci
pes for dainty dishes. All 8 sent free.
Adv.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1914-03-05
Tho Cry of tho Coyote.

l1diiiIl6 tIIc idSl SlcAIu dIIeT
In the valleys emptied OF light.
Ripples whimsical laughter
Under the wings of the night.
Mocking the faded west airily,
Meeting the little bats merrily,
Over the mesas 1t shrills
To the red moon on the hills.
Mournfully rising and waning.
Far through the moon-silvered land
Walls a weird voiceNos complaining
Over the thorns and the sand.
Out of blue silences eerily,
On to the black mountains YEARLY,
TIL the dim desert Is crossed,
Wanders the cry. and is lost.
Here by the fires r.lddy .treamers.
Tired with our hopes and our fear1.
We tnarticulate dreamers
Hark to the song Of our years.
Up to the brooding divinity
Far in that sparkling infinity
Cry our despair and delight,
Voice of the desert night
Charles Badger Clark. IT.. In the Mime
apolis Bellman. "a
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1914-03-05
And He Did.

"Only dollar and IS cents" said
the hold-up man, disgustedly; "can
you beat it?"
Il not only cam replied the citizen
but I'm going to-"
And he did.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1914-03-05

BEING AWAKE.
Thoreau.

luOTeau.
Moral reform and Improvement :
; are the effort to throw off sleep.
; Why Is 1t that men give so poor :
; an account of their day il they
; had not been slumbering? IL they .
had not been overcome with drowsi- :
; ness. they would have performed :
: something. The millions are awake
, enough for physical labor. but only :
one ia million " awake enough
J. for effective intellectual exertion, :
only one in l0c.O00,0C0 to poetic or :
divine life. To be awake is to be I
alive. i have never yet met a Z
man who was quite awake. How I
could ! have looked him In the I
face? (.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1914-03-05
Record Of Profits.

He (puzzling over w..fes check
book)-Why, my dear, l can't make
head or tail out of these stubs. They
foot up more than you ever had in
bank.
She-Oh, that's all right, dear.
Just used the stubs to keep tab on
what the things were before they
we're marked down, SO as to show
how much | made; don't you see?-
Puck.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1914-03-05
Quick TO See Situation.

Quick TO See Situation.
Briggs-say. can you lend me five
or ton
Braggs-No-
Briggs-Minutes? think l can
show you how to make some money.
Trouble at all. You can
have 20 II you want.-stanford Chap
arra1.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1914-03-05
The Proof.

This trout is short weight, my
dear"
There! l knew that dealer had
something fishy about his scales!"
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1914-03-05
Two Viewpoints.

Secretary Daniels, apropos Of his
refusal to interfere with the custom Of
christening ships with champagne,
said at luncheon
You see, this matter can be looked
at from two absolutely opposite points
Of view. A temperance orator. for ex
ample, once said TO IA slipowner:
Il was glad to see that at the re-
cent launching you christened your
new boat with water instead OF wine.
THE shinowner. ruddy and fat
chuckled and answered in rich, husky
tones:
Yes. indeed j, was full time to
inaugurate this reform With the
present scarcity OF vintage wines I'll
waste no more of them on foolish
ness"
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1914-03-05
Fittina style.

For whom are you buying that cot
tage-shape hat?"
For suburban girl. II she had
been city girl she would have pre-
ferred a fiat" 1
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1914-03-05

DR.. Pierce's Pleasant Pellet, cure CON
stipation. Constipation is the cause of
many diseases. Cure the cause and you
cure the disease. Easy to take. Adv.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1914-03-05
a GRATEFUL OLD MAN.

Mr.. W. D. Smith, Ethel, KY, writes:
T have been using podd's Kidney Pills
for ten or twelve years and they have
done me great deal of good. / do
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1914-03-05

not think | would be
alive today If Il
were not 2or Dodd's
XII ely Pills. I
strained my back
about forty years
ago, which left IL
very weak. l was
troubled with inhan-
nation of the HAD
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1914-03-05

A family descends from father e
son, and sometimes the descent Il
something fierce.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1914-03-05

L. NJ Drake. 232 Elati St. Denver. Colo.
says: II was SO bad with kidney complaint
were terribly swollen and couldn't wear
my shoes My limbs swelled too and my
eartswasn't just right; often had to gasp
for breath. For months 1 couldn't work
and 1 couldn't hobble block without M
ting down to rest For several days there
wouldn't be-a free flow of the kidney secre-
tions and the passages We're terribly scald-
ing. Doctors didn't help me and one REM
me to use Doans Kidney Pills and the npss
box brought wonderful relief. The kidney
secretions got all right and the swelling
went down. In a short time I went back
to work in good health. Doan's Kidney Pulls
alone cured me and the cure has been per-
manent. hope that other kidney sufferers
will read about my experience and give
Doan's Kidney Pills c trial..
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1914-03-05

Putnam Fadeless Dyes make no
muss. Adv.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1914-03-05
Mndeen.

Modern.
Drummer-Don't you have old-fash-
Toned barn dances any more?
Lew Lucas-Nope. Now we call
'em garage socials."
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1914-03-05

An Excuse.
"How on earth can you split the in
fipitive as you do?"
you see, was chopping logic"
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1914-03-05
What Ii Looked Like.

Briggs is dreadfully near-sighted
You know that hat his wife wears
with all those black plumes in it?'
YES, I've seen it"
We'll, Briggs thought it was the
head of feather-duster and he tied
it to his cane and had brushed a lot
Of spider webs from the porch ceiling
before his wife caught him at it.
Stray Stories.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1914-03-05

Let Deans Mentholated Cough Drops re-
lieve you Of that cough and stop the
throat irritation-5c at Drug Stores.
Missouri Valley times. [volume] (Missouri Valley, Iowa) 1874-1931, 1914-03-05
FREE ADVICE
TO SICK WOMEN
Thousands HayeBeenHelped
By Common Sense
Suggestions.
Women suffering from any form of
female ills are invited to communicate


strict confidence. A woman can freely
talk of her private illness to woman
thus has been established confidential
correspondence which has extended over
many years and which has never been
broken. Never have they published
testimonial or used letter without the
written consent of the writer, and never
has the Company allowed these conf.
dental letters to get out of their pos
session, as the hundreds of thousands
of them in their files will attest.
Out of the vast volume Of experience
which they have to draw from, it is more
than possible that they possess the very
knowledge needed in your case. Moth
ing is asked in return except your good
will, and their advice has helped thou
sands. Surely any woman, rich or poor,
should be glad to take advantage of this
generous offer Of assistance. Address
Lydia E. Pinkham Medicine Co., (con-
fdentiaD Lynn, Mass.
Every woman ought to have
Lydia p. Pinl1fam's SO-page
Text Book. 1t is not book for
general distribution, as it is too
expensive. 1t is free and only
obtainable by mail. Write for
1t today.
The Lambertville record., 1914-10-14
40

At the rate of FOUR per centum per
annum on all accounts from 5000 TO
$4,000.
PAYABLE on and after July 2lst, 1914
Deposits made on or before the Ihira IL II,
Business Day of the Month draw IN
terest from the First OF the MohIh'
Correspondence solicited.
Bank open daily from "a; I1.,:9 m, 10 o P
n, evcent ON Saturdays and Holidays.
On Saturdays from 9a M to Il o CLOCK
noon.
pHILANDER B. PIERSON, President
HORAGE.G. WOLFE, Sec'y and Treas