Ottumwa tri-weekly courier. [volume] (Ottumwa, Iowa) 1903-1916, 1914-03-28

Alfred NOyeS. the English poet, is in
this country lecturing at $15O per lee
ture. Poetry pays if the poet has luck
In securing an advance agent.-Ch!-
cago Record-Herald.
Putting One Over.
How is it that your wife lets you
out every evening now?"
81 explained to her that the days
are growing so short that I have to
work nights" - Louisville Courier
Journal
Not Many More.
He had proposed to beautiful
girl something like dozen times,
and on each occasion the answer
had been negative one, says the
Montgomery Journal Still he per-
severed and one night on moon
light walk with. the soft wind blow
ing caressingly he once more started
to tell her of his wondrous love.
Della, DEAR he tenderly re-
marked, throwing away the cigarette
to give his eloquence fuller play.
there is something that I must tell
you before we return. You have
heard it before, but"
Look here, Jimmy" impatiently
interjected the beautiful girl, "how
many more times are you going to
ask me to marry you?"
mot many, I guess, Della dear -
answered the young man with great
frankness. "One of the other three
girls l am proposing to is beginning
to show signs of weak"ning."
as ...-.. obliglng Her.
q The sweet young thing was being
shown through the Baldwin locomo.
tive works.
What is that thing?' she asked,
pointing with her dainty parasol.
THAT" answered the guide, "is
an engine boiler .-o.. ...
She was an up to date young lady
and at once became interested.
"And why do they boil engines -
she inquired again.
''To make the engine tender" po-
litely replied the resc'rceful guide. -
Punch Bowl.
The Ideal.
"I can't understand how Mrs.
Jones can get along with such a hus-
band as she has: so ugly and
stupid"
Hes all that, but she never has
to ask him for money" Baltimore
The Theatrical Clinic.
The clinical play is the thing today;
1t is all the rage.
And they dissect life with a surgeons
knife.
On the current stage.
On the scalpel keen all the playwrights
lean .r.
They are thoughtful men.
And they all avow it is greater now
Than the fountain pen
For the clinical play we are forced to
pay,
It's no use to storm,
For it makes no diff-but we'd like a
Whit -- -... ,. +
OF the chloroform.
Not Always.
Seeing is believing" s- -.
mot always, I see that girl yonder
has pretty complexion, but I don't
believe it,"
Good Weight.
~ saw a coal wagon just now that
was overloaded"
"Give me the address of that coal
dealer"
do you want to prosecute him for
cruelty to animals?"
NO; l want to buy my coal from
him."
Newly Discovered Evidence.
"And here is some further evidence. ;"
'3etter bury that. Well leave that
to be discovered If the first trial goes
against u.s." ~
The Slim Craze.
Man wants but little here below.
And now since fashions whirl.
Made scrawny figures all the 60,
He sees it in girl.
Two Extremes.
do you know where a plain bust.
ness man can get a room in New York
What do you mean sir?"
"You seem to have nothing between
hotels for millionaires and hotels for
the down and OUT
Knew He Would.
IT know this cigar isn't good for me
but I'd like to smoke It. What would
you adviser"
Don't do it. Here's match
The Best Pain Killer.
Bucklen's Arnica Salve when applied
to a cut, bruise, burn, scald, etc., to
remove the pain, get a box, Csc,