davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Mexico Missouri message., 1914-07-09
LAUGH ON OLD CAL CLAY
Jack London Makes Comparison In
Story That Has the Elements
of Humor.

Jack London raid in Vera Cruz,
where he wss sojourning as war
correspondent:
Some of these young war CORE
spondents whom ! see about me are
as ignorant of war correspondence
ship as old Cal Clay was ignorant of
astronomy.
Il found old Cal Clay sitting in his
shirt sleeves on his front stoop one
day, putting like mad on his pipe and
never getting puff of smoke from it.
"As / drew near he struck three
matches and held them to the bowl;
he sucked and sucked till his cheeks
seemed to meet inside; still never a
puff of smoke.
And burnt matches lay all round
his chair. There must have been a
boxful of them.
Why, CAL said !, what on earth
are you doing?'
That chump of a Wash Whites
been tryin' to fool me, | expect, said
he, and he took another futile puff and
put his pipe down in disgust. That
chump Wash told me If | smoked a
bit of glass l could see the spots on
the SUM-"
Mexico Missouri message., 1914-07-09
Marriaqeable Ages.

So-called manageable ages vary
very widely in different countries. In
Austria man and woman" are
supposed to be capable of marrying
and conducting a home Of their own
from the age Of IA. In Germany the
age must be at least IS years. In
France the man must be IS and the
woman IA, and in Belgium the same
In Spain the husband must have
passed his fourteenth year, and the
woman her twelfth. In Hungary, for
Roman Catholics, the man must be
IA years and the woman II; for Prot
estants the man must be Is and the
woman is. In Greece the man must
be at least IA summers and the wo-
man IL. In Portugal boy of IA is
considered manageable and a wo-
man of IL. In Russia and Saxony
youth must refrain, from matrimony
till he is IS years and the woman
until she Is 16.
Mexico Missouri message., 1914-07-09

Is suffocatin' and begs to get out. Algy
opens door. Old man recognizes bur-
gular as his long-lost son. Woman re-
fuses to marry BURGLARS father. Young
man, who is a newspaper reporter, il
going to give the story to his paper.
Old man gives everybody million to
keep it quiet. The BURGLAR reforms.
Curtain.
Algy-Great!
Freddy Sidders-Lsten! l have a
man who will buy this act and back
it II get the right people. VIII you
stick? Pay from the start.
Chorus--We will!
Algy-Who'l play the BURGLAR.
my dear fellow?
Freddie Sidders-Pm goin' to get a
real burgular-friend of mine.
Booking Agent (entering)-Out! TIA
closin' time.
Copyright. 1914. by W. G. Chapman)
Mexico Missouri message., 1914-07-09
BIuecoats Rescue Kitten

A report was telephoned to the
West One Hundred and Sixty-secont
street police station by Mrs. Emanuel
Levy of 7 Hamilton place that some
one had fallen into a culvert opposite
her home. Patrolman Nieand and two
other policemen were hurried to the
place. When they looked into the
sewer they saw a kitten swimming
about in the water ten feet below the
street level 1t had fallen through a
four-inch opening while chasing ball
The patrolmen spent half an hour fish
ing for the kitten with a rake. When
they finally got 1t to the sidewalk II
ran between the patrolmen's legs and
disappeared around the corner.-New
York Times.
Mexico Missouri message., 1914-07-09
The Pilqrlm.


Alfred Noyes, the exponent of pay.
ing poetry" told a good story at
Princeton.
"One morning" he said, my work
was interrupted by a Westerner. He
rushed in on me enthusiastically. He
bruised my hand with the power of
his cordial clasp. He made me sit
down and write my name so times on
a sheet of foolscap that he drew from
his pocket-he wanted to distribute,
he explained, my autograph among all
his friends. He even urged me to
write poem for him-to dash poem
off while he looked on. This failing,
he would not go till had read him
a half dozen selections from my
works"
Mr.. Noyes sighed.
And all the time" he ended, the
duffer called nee Boyes."
Mexico Missouri message., 1914-07-09
ANNUAL SPRING CLEANUP
Just What Transpires When Hectic
Magazine Has to Make Sem
blance of Order.

First of all, get rid of that barrel
of old stories in which the principals
got married at the end of the last
chapter. Nowadays they must marry
early and separate, or not marry at
ALL
Throw out this adventure story in
which the man who got shot fell back
ward with groan.' He crumpled up
is the only form permitted for victims
of gunshot wounds"
Here's a whole bale of MSS. in
which the characters are not afflicted
with dipsomania, neurosis or hook
worm. How can healthy person be
interesting"
One of our editors went color blind
and bought that story with brunette
heroine in it. Our specifications al
ways call for 'sunlit coronets,' or hair
OF Furnished bronze or a divine little
head covered with spun gold Eyes
must be azure pools or the like. Let
the ashman read about a black-haired
heroine!"
out goes this yarn, 1t wasn't so
bad except that the heroine, when pro
posed to. acted like human being
Our heroines have got to flee like a
frightened wild thing"
Mexico Missouri message., 1914-07-09
SAYS GET BACK TO YOUTH
Advice Of Physical Director to Tired
Business Men About TO Take Va
cation Worth Needing.

Business men about to start on their
summer vacations are advised to read
dime novels, smoke cornsilk cigarettes
and act like kids" again, by DR.. Louis
II. Welsmiller, physical director Of the
West side Y NJ. C. A. of New York
His prescription for the rejuvenation
of business-worn members of the as
ISOLATION has been posted all over the
associations building. 1t reads:
Forget your dignity, throw away
your staidness, and be kid again
a wholesome, fun-loving, boisterous.
dime-novel reading kid-during your
vacation. Many of you men, when
youngsters, used to think IL great fun
to sneak out behind the barn, with
cigarette made of cornsilk and brown
wrapping paper. 1t won't hurt you to
try the same thing again. You won't
be able to smoke enough to hurt your
self. and there's no danger of con-
tracing the cornsilk habit
Dime novels make good summer
reading. They are next to the Bible
for vacation reading, but take the BIZ
Bile along, of course. Many great men
read Nick Carter, Jesse James and
like writings for relaxation. Most of
you men have come TO New York and
have made good. Help yourselves to
make good again next winter by be-
ing boy on your vacation"
Mexico Missouri message., 1914-07-09
THEY DECIDE TO TRY 1T AGAIN

Freddie Sidders "a sketch writer)-
Listen! This is a great idea with a
punch. Works right up to novelty
finish and-Bangl II this act don't
get six curtains. I'll
Marion Meade (heavy woman)--No
use talkin', Freddie, ! amt on the
market for no more acts after that
last one.
Freddie Sidders-It wasn't my act,
was It? Didn't y have no friends Z
nut you wise that Vance Van Bardon's
act is over peoples heads2 Who
wants society stuff!
Edna Flanagan (ingenue)-Vance
Van Bardon's material wasn't handled
right; l seen that myself. / was in
the act. Marion was cast for a soci-
ETY. queen-imagine! was supposed
TO be her daughter Just home from
boardin' school an loaded down with
table manners and that kind of stuff.
That was all right. / can play debu-
tantes to finish. had some homo
trainin' myself an my langwidge is
right there, believe me. It was Ma
rions or Algy's flivver. think.
Algy Cate of the 'Alls)-W'at? l
queered the act, y sly? l made the
mistake of me young life goin' out
with y. I'll tell y who It was-lit-
tie Percy Davis, sittin' right ERE.
Dad Wadell (who knew Booth--by
sighD-When ] saw the act it made
me weep-for Art.
Percy Davis Guvenile)-You awful
London supernumerary, to insinuate
that | ruined Marion's act. Have a
care, sir! Remember played on
Broadway. / may have been cho-
rus man, but l outlived it.
Freddie Sidders-Old Dad has your
number. crowd, when he says it was
all to the ash can. heard it myself.
Dad Wadell-She was leaning ON a
broken reed.
Marion Meade-Tryin' to say can't
play society ladies. huh? l was out
there holdin' the crowd by my per
sonality. It's wonder the rest OF
you lasted a minute without me.
Percy Davis-I can't explain the
Mexico Missouri message., 1914-07-09

downfall OF our act. Mr.. Van Bardon
is such high-minded gentleman. His
writings in the Literary Indigestible
are dreams of thought. The idea we
had was so uplifting. When you think
OF the psychological message we had
to deliver.
Edna Flanagan oh, chocolate
eclairs! Listen to that man talkin'
sickanloglcal stuff. That's what was
the matter with II.
Percy Davis-M' dear, don't you
think the object Of the theater is to
deliver a message?
Algy-No, that's for the A. d. T.
Listen to me spool when my cart
is breakin'.
Dad Wadell-When you tried to de-
hVer your message that night there
was nobody home.
Edna Flanigan-When Algy threw
me his hne--what was It?
Algy-I said: "You must give me
your promise tonight, Agnes. Prince
DOTS Is not the man to wed you, the
proud and only daughter of Count
Lionel De Jesseps. Your mannerA
your breeding. your culture, must re-
volt at the thought of a nobleman
VINO has naught to offer but is dis
puted title" Clevah, sly.
hunl Flanigan-Can't you fancy me
piayln opposite that?
Dad Wadell-I saw you and I cried
In anguish.
rerey Davis-It was Just after that.
ah bardon don't have his people in
"ihu when he writes the material.
marion Meade-Don't you think /
can play lady?
Edna Flanigan-Don't y think can
10 a swell doll?
Fercy Davis-Deah me, sir, don't
.ou mink l can take the part of
perfect gentleman
Aigy-i suppose y think / can't
''dS Jolly chap, wat?
FREDDIE Sidders-Y' got me wrong. I
a, meant that Van Bardon had a nifty
etut working in his act, but his act
n,an there. Certainly Marion can
play lady.
pau Wadell-I remember In my day
NY was always lady. They
marion Meade-ru never try II
o. an' After this It's me for Dutch
Mexico Missouri message., 1914-07-09
The Same Thlnu.

Vincent Astor, at a dinner in New
York, said of the French evening
gowns that have caused so many
shocked women to unite in protest:
Il heard story about one of these
gowns. A headstrong girl had pur-
chased it in the Rue de la Paix with
out her mothers knowledge, and she
insisted on wearing 1t, the evening It
came home, at Armenonville for din
ner and at the opera afterwards fSt
the Russian ballot. Her mother, how
ever, protested. But the girl, in her
headstrong way, declared:
III wear that gown or nothing
with shrug and faint smile,
her mother answered:
"'Well, It comes to about the same
thing"
Mexico Missouri message., 1914-07-09

Percy Davis-Why didn't you decide
that long ago, my dear? lost a good
position in show on account of your
act All / had to do was wave a PEN
nant and say "Rah, rah, rah, for Vas
sar." What fools we mortals be,
No more and never againl
Algy-We decided that for you long
ago. No more and never again With
us. I'll always think to me dyin' d'y
the eggs that 1t me was meant for
you.
Dad Wadell--I believe so. You we're
standing on the spot he Just stepped
from.
Freddie Sidders-So they thrun
eggs, eh? thought they only howled
and tried to climb over the "foots"
to mob you.
Edna Flanagan wish you was
there that night, Freddie. Me tryin'
to look like young bud an THROWN
my lines like a leadin' lady with no
support except Algy.
Algy-There's a girl knows the
truth. Ear what she said about no
support but Algy?
Freddie Sidders-No wonder! The
actin was all right; they was no idea
TO the act No finish. Listen to this
sketch of mine for FIVE people. New
idea, never been worked.
Marion Meade-Please don't, Fred
die.
Freddie Sidders-Act opens full
stage; fancy door center; fireplace at
right; moon streamin' in window with
balcony backing. Old guy-for you,
Dad-dozin' at fireplace. BURGLAR
opens window with a jimmy; comes
in. Is loading silver into bag when
butler-Percy's part-comes in to tell
the old man his daughter eloped with
the strange young man across the
street. BURGLAR sees butler and
sneaks into closet, pulls door shut and
locks himself in. A woman in black
comes to see the old man-Marion's
part; old man recognizes her as child
hood sweetheart; proposes. The
daughter and the strange young man
Edna and Algy-return to ask the
old mans forgiveness and enough to
start housekeepin'. BURGLAR in closet
Mexico Missouri message., 1914-07-09
Domestic Item.

MY house is so well organized" said
Mrs De Graw. that don't go into my
kitchen once in a week"
That's the pleasant way she puts
it, her husband explained. "As mat
ter of fact, she's afraid of her cook
Judge.
Mexico Missouri message., 1914-07-09
Not Garrulous.

Client-What! You expect mo to
pay you 253 francs for taking posses
sion of such a small inheritance?
You should have warned me 1t would
cost so much.
Lawyer-My motto. sir, is Deeds,
not rds."-Pele Mele.
Mexico Missouri message., 1914-07-09
Afraid of Maklnu Good

I'm afraid" said the lawyer, that
we will have to resort to the insanity
plea.n
Don't do that" said the prisoner. 81
served on jury once, If have to lis.
ten to another lot of expert arguments
on insanity I'll go crazy sure"
Mexico Missouri message., 1914-07-09
Enouah for Her.

$50 you have broken the engage
ment?"
"Yes; | thought we were soulmates,
but we were not"
"How's that?"
"He began to talk about cooking and
DISTINGUISHING. - Louisville Courier.
Journal
Mexico Missouri message., 1914-07-09
Wildly In Love,

"PercivaL" murmured the heiress,
do you really love your little wifey?"
"Yaas." responded the duke. 81 adore
you, you know, and all that-sort OF
silly rot"-Louisville Courier-Journal.
Mexico Missouri message., 1914-07-09
Looks That WAY.

Bill-Do you believe It Is possible
for a person to be talked to death?
Jill-Sure! Don't you know that
the average woman is said to live two
years longer than the average man?
Mexico Missouri message., 1914-07-09
Quite UseIess

"Blobson has large collection OF
cups"
Does he drink out OF them7"
Certainly not. They are trophies"
There are some queer people in
this world ! once knew a man who
had a collection of stamps he valued
at $4,000, and there wasn't ono In the
lot that would carry letter"
Mexico Missouri message., 1914-07-09
Unreasonable AppeaI,

Think OF the poor people who have
no roofs over their heads!"
I'm willing n he sympathetic. But
don't ask me to feel sorry for people
who sleep out of doors this kind of
weather"
Mexico Missouri message., 1914-07-09
Uniforms.

You can't Judge a man by his
clothes"
Only In a general way. For in
stance, statesman wears a high hat
with frock coat, while a ward poll.
tician wears one with a cutaway coat"
Mexico Missouri message., 1914-07-09
Whenever You Need a General Tonic
Take Groves

The Old Standard Groves Tasteless
chill Tonic is equally valuable as a
General Tonic because It contains the
well known tonic properties of QUININE
and IRON. II acts on the Liver, Drives
out Malaria, Enriches the Blood and
Builds up the Whole System. so cents
Mexico Missouri message., 1914-07-09

We admire the will power of man
who is able to take fall out of him
self occasionally.
Mexico Missouri message., 1914-07-09
Cures Old Sores, Other Remedies Won, Cure.

The worst eases, no matter Of how long standing,
are cured by the wonderful, old reliable DR..
Porter's Antiseptie Healing OIL. 1t relieves
Pain and Heals at the came time. 15c, Soc. o. 90
Mexico Missouri message., 1914-07-09
His Business.

How unkiDd that doctor isl"
Naturally. 1t is a Doctors bust
ness to treat people ILL.,"
Mexico Missouri message., 1914-07-09

Many man who has a way of his
own has wife who outweighs him.
Mexico Missouri message., 1914-07-09

YOUR OWN DRUGGIST WILL TELL. You
TIy Murine hye Remedy for Red, Weak, Watsry
eyes ana formulated Hyelids; No SmnrtingZ
Just Bye Comfor. Write for Book of the i've
by mail Free. Murine BYE Remedy Co, Chicago.
Mexico Missouri message., 1914-07-09
At Present

After all. what is the great ques.
ton OF life?"
Il know! What's the scorer"
Mexico Missouri message., 1914-07-09
Nearsluhted-

Mr.. Flatte-I see a new brush for
housekeeping has a handle like a tele-
scope.
Mrs. Flatte-I don't believe our girl
could see the dirt with even that.
Mexico Missouri message., 1914-07-09
SPECIAL TO WOMEN

The most economical, cleansing ana
germicidal Of all antiseptics la
Evening capital news. (Boise, Idaho) 1901-1927, 1914-07-29
STATEMENT GIVEN
ONNEW CONTRACT
With SETTLERS
State Land Board Makes It's
Position Clear With Re
gard to Settlement of Con
troversy.

P1edging settlers on the Twin Falls
north side project to guard their inter-
ests and to hold the North Side Twin
Falls Land & Water company to the
terms Of the new contract it approved
yesterday as well as to secure from the
company securities in sufficient
amount to compel the completion Of
the contract the state land board
drafted a statement late yesterday aft
ernoon following its action in the
morning Of accepting the contract with
the amendments published in last
evenings issue of the Capital News.
May End Controversy.
In approving the new contracts with
amendments the state land board adds
another interesting chapter TO the con-
troversy that has been pending before
it for some time involving as 1t does
the troubles Of the settlers on the
North Side Twin Falls project located
in the southern part of this state with
the company having it in charge and
operating under a contract with the
state. The Kuhns of Pittsburg were
behind the north side project prior to
their failure. Most of the present trou-
Bile arose over the fact that the 100000
Jerome reservoir built by the Kuhns
failed to hold water and it was neces-
sary to contract with the government
to store water in Jackson lake reser-
voir and bring it down the Snake river
Evening capital news. (Boise, Idaho) 1901-1927, 1914-07-29
ADJUSTMENTS.
Majestic Theater.

Today will be an entire change of
program. The feature will be Shorty
and the Aridville Terror" Broncho
feature in two parts. Shorty and the
boys ride into Aridville. To meet Bes-
sic Gordon, whom the boys think is a
dentist, Shorty feigns toothache.
Upon going 20 the office to have his
tooth pulled, Shorty discovers the hus-
band Of Bessie and his filtration proves
serious, as he is compelled to have his
tooth removed to carry out his bluff
Two Gun-B the terror of Aridville
comes to town to quench desert thirst
Shorty and the boys plan to have Two
Gun-B Bill flirt with Bessie and play the
same Joke on him. Two-Gun- Bill goes
to Bessie. She gives him gas. When
he comes OFT of the gas, he shoots VI
the place and runs DR.. Gordon from
the office. The doctor climbs in his old
machine and chase follows.
Miss Carter and Mr. Tracy will sing
Won't You Waltz Home, Sweet Home
With Me" illustrated. Down by the
Sounding Sea-" with a Majestic cast; a
Keystone comedy, Caught in the
Rain" and the Mutual Weekly No. IA
viii complete the program.
Evening capital news. (Boise, Idaho) 1901-1927, 1914-07-29
HOT WEATHER
SKIN TROUBLES
ResinoI Clears Them Away Easily.

With hot weather comes the worst
skin suffering for some folks. Eczema,
hives, heat-rash, insect bites, poison
oak or Ivy, sunburn, chatting and a doZ-
en- other troubles make life unendur-
able. But YOU needn't worry. That
soothing, antiseptic Resinol Ointment
stops itching and burning instantly,
allays Inflammation, and soon restores
the skin to perfect health, even in
severe, stubborn cases. Doctors have
prescribed Resinol Ointment for 10
years
Resinol Soap used regularly for the
toilet and bath usually PREVENTS
skin troubles. Resinol Ointment and
Resinol Soap are sold by all druggists.
For trial, free write to Dept 25-R,
Resinol Chemical Co, Baltimore, Md.
Evening capital news. (Boise, Idaho) 1901-1927, 1914-07-29
Hotel

In the heart Of the city, between 9th
and 9th on Main. Hot and cold water.
Phone In every roomj elevator service.
Rates ESQ and upi with bath $1.oo and
upi weekly rates $3.50 and up.
Evening capital news. (Boise, Idaho) 1901-1927, 1914-07-29
Anniversary of Indian Battle.

Oakdale, N. D., July 29.-Residents
Of this vicinity today held a celebra-
ton to mark the fftieth anniversary
Of the Killdeer battle, which was one
Of the most notable engagements ever
fought between the white soldier and
the Indian. The battle took place on
the Diamond C ranch not far from this
place. Between 10000 and $1,000 In
dams were engaged in the battle, while
the whites numbered but little more
than 1000. The whites were far bet
ter armed, however, and they succeed
ed in routing the Indians with the loss
of only two of their own men.
Evening capital news. (Boise, Idaho) 1901-1927, 1914-07-29
The Isis.

Thomas w Ross, in his first engage
ment before the camera, in The Only
Evening capital news. (Boise, Idaho) 1901-1927, 1914-07-29
The Rex.

The third episode of THE Perils of
Pauline" to be shown at the Rex for
two days, beginning today, is a picture
that has made one of the biggest hits
over the country. The Eclectic Film
company has produced a masterpiece in
this instalment in which the villains
attempt to secure the fortune of Paul
inc and in which the perils through
which she passes are shown. This ser
ial Is being played by such movie stars
as Crane Wilber Pearl White and Paul
Panzer. The author Charles Goddard,
is we'll know throughout the theatrical
world as a writer of note
Evening capital news. (Boise, Idaho) 1901-1927, 1914-07-29
The New Boz.

A touching story of gratitude and
devotion heads the program at the
New Boz for today and tomorrow. 1t
is a three part picture called "A Pearl
Of the Punjab," and many of its scenes
were pictured in India, where ee-
plants are used freely as beasts Of
burden. The story deals with the rival
ry of two members OF the British army.
one a physician and the other a colonel.
The colonel is the winner, but while on
a tiger hunt he is stricken with appen-
dicitis and is taken by his associates to
his rival. who is now devoting his life
to healing the wounds and caring for
the sick among the natives in a neigh
boring province from that in which the
colonel is stricken. The physician does
not recognize his rival when brought to
him, but later when the woman appears
on the scene he discovers all and a
mighty strong scene results. When the
colonel dies the doctor refuses to return
to civilization with the widow, being
content to remain with his faithful
slave, The Pearl OF the Punjab." Nell
Craig plays the leading part, ably as
sisted by Lillian Virgins. Charles
Brunnell and Walter Seymour. This
photoplay is one that will grip the in
terest of the spectator from start to
finish and the little bits Of Jungle life
are just enough to form a pleasing ad
dition and complete most perfect pic
ture The other number on the pro-
gram is 'T Love the Nurses" a good
comedy subject that will bring forth
plenty of laughter of the wholesome
sort.