The Washington herald., 1914-06-18
Statesnss. RsaI and Near.
b rRnD c. KELLY.

/ ny - = at Wa1nfngton.
one Of tns things ChsTp Clark would
like TO know y the reason why the male
persons living ID and about Fort Dodge.
| be Underwood right here that his IDEAS
and beliefs about the sise Of necks that
abound In Fort Dodge, Iowa, are not
| predicated just on seeing Senator Will
lam 8. Kenyon, the only representative
I IN Congress from that thriving city. KEN
yon u fairly slender. person and doubt
| less. can get into . 1514 collar. but to
Judge the necks Of big city full Of as
sorted people by the neck OF one man
would be to act superhciaily and TO base
. hypothesis on an altogether too hasty
| review Of the situation. Champ Clark
does not have Senator Kenyon In mind
at all when he desires to know why the
| men of Fort Dodge have small necks.
To fully appreciate the Speakers point
Of view. It II necessary to go back
| little. A few years ago Champ Clark
and former Representative Grosyenor. of
Ohio used to 70 about the Chautauqua
circuits holding joint debates on the sub
ject of the tariff. They had excellent
team work and comprised about the best
headliner act the Chautauqua had to
| offer.
4
| in Michigan and from there their billing
took them to Fort Dodge. Iowa. Think
| ing to escape the heat of one of the
Pullman Company's ill-ventilated cars,
| they arranged to 90 as far as Chicago
| by boat They had their baggage placed
| aboard and then. while waiting for the
| vessel to be on Its way. they stood near
the gang plank conversing freely with
| the captain.
"And by the way" Inquired Grosvenor.
what time do We reach Chicago?
"Chicago" repeated the captain.
Yes" says Grosvenor-and almost his
exact language il quoted here-"Chicago."
why. we don't go to Chicago at ALL"
replied the captain. This boat runs TO
Milwaukee. The Chicago boat went about
half an hour ago."
So Champ Clark and his speaking mate
had to take a train to Fort Dodge. Iowa,
and their baggage went by water to MIL
waukee, Wis.
On reaching Fort Dodge, after their hot.
humid journey, they were practically
agreed that II would be necessary to
70 forth to the stores of them that sell
and purchase fresh linen. That was easy
enough for Grosvenor. but Champ Clark
wears a II IL shirt and an IS collar of an
outstanding, but comfortable brand that
Is scooped out In front There weren't
any Il l-2 shirts or IS collars in all of
Fort Dodge. Champ Clark was per-
plexed. but he finally ran down a pink
shirt size II, that he thought he could
crowd himself into: also a II collar. 1t
Is not easy to fit II collar to II shirt
on an, is neck. but there was no other
way. For an hour Champ Clark expert
mented with scissors and pieces OF string.
/ BY cutting the flaps of the collar and
cleverly fastening the ends TO his collar
button with cotton cord. Champ made
himself reasonably presentable to the
people OF Fort Dodge. Iowa.
year or 20 ago the Speaker again
found himself in Fort Dodge, and he had
his baggage with him. but recalling his
adventure there, he set out to ransack
the place for an Is collar. or at least a
II l-2 one. Just for the sport OF the thing.
This time he could not find a collar
larger than 1sl-2 Champ talked to the
proprietor Of one haberdashery and asked
him. as man to man. why they didn't
have full grown collars In stock.
There's never been any demand for
such thing" the man told him. "A
few years ago, as I remember. a lecturer
came here to speak at our Chautauqua.
and he wanted to buy an IS collar. We
talked some after that Of putting in one
or two of the larger sizes, but we de-
| cloed tnat IL VOuldn I pay. our people
don't seem to care for them
| Representative Jimmy Burke, OF
Pennsylvania got to talking with his seat
mate in the smoking compartment on the
| way across that State the other day.
Learning that Burke was from Wash
ington. the stranger began to ask ques-
tions about Bryan and Champ Clark and
their ability as lecturers-also their
| charges for speaking.
| And" went on the man. what about
| that fellow James F. Burke? i under
stand he's a fair speaker. too
"Oh. but I never speak for money ex-
cept In a court room,' said Burke.
You're Burke?"
| Yes"
Hum. Well. I'm glad TO meet you. and
considering your terms, maybe we'll have
you for our next lecture. We never have
our lectures in the court room"
Senator Kern got a letter from an old
friend. who has a little country place
and wanted fish TO put in a cute little
pond.
Send me a school OF bass" requested
the friend.
I'm not sure about getting you an
entire school, Kern wrote back. but
I'll try to send you few grades"
Copyright. 1914. By Fred c. Kelly. All rights re-
| served.D