Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1914-06-07


learn something about golf. anyhow
This however. is a tale of adventure
1t was the Observers attempt to learn
why hardy men who might be cutting
down trees or shovelng coal or doing any
other number of useful things, spent long
dreary hours in following a homeopathic
pellet around a green lawn and swipine
at it with an infinite variety of clubs
There was the doctor, who looks some
thing like Woodrow Wilson, with a mus
tache, added
There was the real estate man, who's
principal realty interest is in the condi.
tion of the course. He weighs about two
hundred and fifty and has a single anlbi.
ton in life-to land fairly on the bal
some day. He feels that when he does
this history will be made.
The party drifted out of the clubhouse
and gazed down over the wonderful vel
vet lawn that spread before them like a
carpet 1t was a hot day-a good hot day
The doctor had loaned the Observer a cap
and the real estate operator had offered
him a driver which was slightly warped.
Now said the doctor, impressively,
you will behold. at first hand, the opera
ton of one of the most fascinating and
intricate games known to history. Con-
slant practice is needed to arrive at even
fair stage of perfection. Men have de-
voted their lives to it's improvement.
Alfred'-Alfred is the real estate oper-
ator-"and l have worked years in order
to reach our present experiences"
The doctor wiped his face after this
little speech. and. selecting from his bag
wooden stick. set himself to the task of
soaking the ball. Alfred. coughing self
consciously. leaned in graceful attitude
on his stick. He seemed to be saying to
himself, Young man, you wiki have a
chance to compare my style with that of
Harry Warden and Ouimet / hope you
will be appreciative %
But the Observer was paving no atten-
ton to him Far or in the distance a
heavy, 1umpy figure went heavily into
action. There was red flag down there
and you could see that the heavy figure
was trying to get close to it. 1t reminded
one of Sisyphus. He would bend over,
make little futile chop. and then jog
YEARLY after the ball. His perseverance
was magnificent Looking at him. one
was filled with high and noble thoughts.
How he resembled the slow. painful prog
ress of humanity, continually seeking the
unknown goal, continually falling short of
high ambition. but increasingly. doggedly
struggling on, What lesson.
Fore" bawled the doctor. hoarseiy.
NO" replied the Observer, absently.
there are only three. There are the two
players and the caddy and
.F'oret' shrieked the doctor again.
Fore. you fathead. You're right in my
path
The Observer gave him look which
was not without dignity.
We'll, suppose l was in your way? he
retorted. That doesn't mean you have
to start a class in arithmetic. Why
couldn't you say / was in your way?'
K
BY this time the Observer had moved
aside and the doctor took a fearful wal
lop at the ball. 1t moved about ten feet,
probably because of the terrific breeze
which the doctor had raised with his
club
Topped it," sighed the doctor, to the
real estate operator. Il had a Fremont
ton that if that chump came out and
watched me he would put me off my
game
Never you mind" soothed ALFRED IF
you'd hit it square you'd have pulled it
over into those woods anyway. You were
standing wrong.
fully. 1t is the kind of look that he gives
patient when trying to decide whether
the patient will stand for the removal of
his appendix
Then he turned to the Observer and
gave him first aid in golfing ethics.
Try he begged earnestly, Ito re-
member this. Think of nothing else for
ten or fifteen minutes, SO your mind will
be a perfect blank
1T always is interjected Alfred, who
was selecting a club.
And then" pursued the doctor keep
this maxim in mind-do not annoy golf
players
He said this ominously Now at a ball
game you are supposed to cheer or howl
or bark. At foot ball games and horse
races a silent crowd would cast damp
er over the whole proceedings. What is
the fun of being a gallery-they call it
be dumb The Observer was preparing
to argue this question at length with the
doctor when Alfred turned.
IF you don't keep quiet. he said
firmly, you will be killed on these links
and buried in a bunker, and over your
grave will be the one word-''stymied.
Well they were two to one, and any
how they ought to know more about the
game than the Observer does So ne
cast a final yearning giace toward the
clubhouse There is grill in the clup-
house. and Jim is the mixer OF Juier
which Is like the fragrance OF summer
roses in twilight when the soft cry OIL
the whippoorwill sings the requiem Oh
passing day
We have to walk all around here!
the Observer said plaintvely.
The other two were silent. Alired ~as
getting ready to aim.
Don't they have a few chairs around?
The Observer might well have beer
dead. Those two lunatics were fervldiy
intent on Alfred's getaway.
Cant We take little something witt
us? Suppose We were overtaken by thirst
out in that desert by flag number 90
Still no response
There came sharp crack. Alfred hat
hit the ball and knocked a high fly tt
the outfield. The ball dropped in dir,
pile There seemed to be some shade
down there so the Observer trudged alont
with Alfred and left the doctor still flub
clubbing around. He seemed to think h<
was rolling Easter eggs
All around were strong men, some thin
some fat. who were performing in tn,
same way. There were fat man wearing
jackets in temperature of 81, who wer,
toiling so they might get thin. Ant
there were thin men. working ava,
solennly so they might get fat. Their,
were insomaniacs who were working Ik'