davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1914-08-06
NEW VOL. 49-No. 81.
Chinese Justice.

When Ii Hung Chang was Chinese
premier and was having a bitter fight with
some OF the more conservative members
Of the tsung-li-yamen he received as a
present magnificent cake which he had
reason to suspect contained poison. he
put the cake aside and set all his power
ful machinery TO work 10 find out who
was at the bottom Of the plot. The in
vestigahon was partly successful. the
crime being traced TO three men, OF whom
one at least was absolutely guilty.
Ii had the trio arrested and brought TO
his yameu. When they arrived they
were ushered into his presence and were
received in his courtliest manner. The
cake was produced With the remark that
politeness forbade his tasting II until the
three generous donors had had an op-
portunity 10 enjoy its excellence.
Ii cut the cake, and one OF his serviiors
handed il TO the unwilling guests. Eaeh
took piece and ate or pretended to eat
il. One crumbled the pieces and lei mem
fall upon the floor, but the other two ale
calmly, without manifesting any emotion.
Ten minutes and the two men began TO
show symptoms OF suffering. Ii smiled
benignantly aud said TO the man who had
not eaten, "Your widom is so great that
am compelled TO preserve your head as
a souvenir 10 trauscendent genius"
The man was removed and promptly
decapitated. To the other two the pre-
mier remarked "The cake that you are
eating is not the one you sent, but one
which had my cook initiate. The poison
from which you are suffering exists only
in your imagination. know OF no way
TO cure your present pain except by let
ting you share the same fate as your friend
who has just LETT the room."
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1914-08-06
The Blight of Our Age.

The saloon is the sum Of all villainies.
II is worse than war or peStilence. II is
the crime OF crimes. 1t is the parent OF
crimes, and the mother Of sins. II is the
appalling source OF misery, poverty and
crime and OF course is the source Of
e-fourths OF the taxes that support
that crime.
The saloons fill the jals and the pen
itentiaries, the poorhouses and insane
aSylums. Who has TO pay the bills +?
The landlord who doesn't get the rent
because the money goes for whiSkey, the
butcher and the grocer and the charitable
person who takes pity on the~ children Of
drunkardS, and the taxpayer who sup
ports the insane aSyIums and other insti-
tutionS, that the whiskey business fills
with human wrecks.
Do away with the aCCurSed business
and you will not have to put up TO support
them. Who gets the money? The sa-
keepers and the brewers and the
diStilerS, while the whskey fills the
land with misery, poverty and wretched-
ness, disease, death and damnation, and
it is being authorized by the will of the
sovereign people.
"You say, People will drink it any
way Not by my vote. You say, Men
will murder their wives anyway. Not by
my vote. They will steal anyway
Not by my vote. You are the sovereign
people ,and whatare you golngto do about
il?
"Let me assemble before your minds
the bodies OF the drunken dead, who
crawl away into the jaws OF death, into
the mouth of he'll and then out OF the
valley OF the shadow OF the drink LET me
call the contingent widowhood, and
wIfehood and childhood, and let their
tears rain down upon theinpurple faces
Do you think that would stop the curse
OF the liquor traffic? No No"
REV. WILLIAM A. SUNDAY, d. D.
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1914-08-06
Captive Porpoises.

After several fruitless attempts the
New York City Aquarium succeeded last
winter in transporting five adultporpoises
from Cape Hatteras 10 New York. The
animals were placed in a pool thirty
seven feet in idiameter and seven. feet
deep, aud at last accounts were appar-
emily in the best condition, for they were
feeding, leaping, and otherwise disport-
ing themselves after the manner OF por-
peises on the high seas, The aquarium
has never had more popular inmates.
No other aquarium in America or Europe
has pools large enough properly to ac-
commodate porpoises, and il is doubtful
whether there are any other specimens
in captivity. The animals eat between
eighty and ninety pounds of fresh herring
and cod every day. AT first they would
eat only live fish, but few days of hum
ger made them less particular. The por-
poise is commercially valuable for the oil
from its jaw, for its blubber and its hide.
The oil is worth about $25 gallon, and
is virtually the only oil used in lubricating
watches and other delicate machines.
Cape Hatteras is the only place in North
America where porpoise fishery is reg
ularly maintained.
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1914-08-06

Bronco is the nickname borne by a
very lively colored boot black who does
business in a local barber-shop. One
Monday morning he was relating his
experiences OF the day before, upon an
Ohio River excursion, given by one OF
the colored lodges OF the city.
His narrative revealed the fact that
somebody had thrown apanfuI OF burn
ing grease overheard, and in so doing
had set the boat afire.
The blaze was extinguished before
much damage was done, but Bronco
painted picture Of the excitement that
was both humorous and vivid.
chow did those niggcrs act while The
boat was burning2" asked the proprietor
OF the shop.
"Well, suh," answered Bronco, with
much Illustrative gesture, "lhey acted
every which-a-way. Some OF 'em wus
grabbin' life preseUers an tyin' 'em on /;
some wus on their knees prayin' an
some Of 'em wus standin' puffectly still
like they wus steriIized -
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1914-08-06
nCount,W est tVngni1Th
The LiIac-scented Shoe Backing.

"Take man that's bound and possess
ed to be contrary" commented Caleb
Peaslee, sagely, land il amt much use to
waste your fine on him. He'll study up
ways to be opposite faster'n you can plan
to agree with him. Now, take Cy Kill
gore"
ICY Kilgore's wuss'n most" objected
Mr.. Becher. "Why not take some rea-
sonih' human bein'? Take somebody,
for instance, that's right once in while.
Cy Kilgore amt ever right, so far'S ! can
recollect."
"Im usin' Kigore TO illustrate" " re-
Piled Mr.. Peaslee, firmly. al know as
wells you do that he amt ever right.
That's jest the p'int-he'd ruther be
wrong and on the off side than be right
and agree with anyone else. Amt you
ever noticed if ?"
"More'n forty times" assented Mr..
3elcher, heartily.
"Well, you just missed another time,
said Caleb, with placid enjoyment. 81
got a box of some newfangled shoe polish
down to the post office, and after I'd
bought it sot there with it in my hands,
twistin' Of it round, and some way or
other the kiver come off. Well, sirs, I'd
no more'n got that kiver off before the
whole buildn', seems if, was filled full to
overflowin' with the smell of lilacs.
You'd "a thought il was the fust Of June,
if you'd been there
"Wal, we all shifted at ii several times,
and every man agreed that he never Smelt
any lilacS that smelt any more'S they
ought to-shet your eyes, and you cd
almost hear the hummin' birds.
"a was just goin' to tit the kiver back
onto the box when DAM Siggers halted
me. 'Lemme see that box a minute,
Kellup, says he. q want to try little
experiment with it, So handed the
box TO him. Just then Cy Kilgore walked
| in.
"Dan'l took the kiver off n the box, and
walked over 10 where Kigore was stand
in, and showed the box right up under
his nose, so Kilgore couldn't help smell
in it.
lest take sniff of that, Cy,' says
Dan'l, real hearty, and tell us what it
smells like 10 you. We're all OF one
opinion about it, and we'd like TO know
whether we're right or whether it's our
mistaken notion. Snuff hard, says he,
and he held it right up close 10 Kilgore'S
nose.
"Kigore was backin' away as fast as
he could, and lookin' down at the kiver
Dan'l was holdin' in his hand. Bimeby
he fetched up agin the wall, and couldn't
get no further, and bout that time he
made out what was printed on the kiver.
"'Take that stuff away from my flce,
Dan Siggers, he snarls, "tore you SmooCh
me all overl Course know what it
smells like-it don't smell like nothin'
but shoe blackin' You've probably got
some fool notion inter your head that it
smells somethin' like liIacs Well, it
DON'T says he. There amt one single
hint of lilac smell 10 it, so far as can
make out 7
"And," concluded Caleb, with sat-
isfied smile, "there hadn't one single puS-
son mentioned lilacS in his hearin'. He
was so anxious TO be on the off side that
he forgot, and gave himself right away.
Amt he the beatenest ?"
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1914-08-06
Pain.

Pain is Of many kinds, and most OF US
know something of more than one OF
them. II varies, too, in degree quite as
much as il does in kind. Many people
lead useful, and even happy lives, who
are in some degree OF pain most OF the
time. But when pain becomes really
intense, life can no longer be "useful"
and happy" even TO the most heroic (;
il takes all human beings strength and
courage just 10 bear il.
We suffer through our nerves, and any
nerve that is having a very bad time OF il
is able TO send IFS message Of protest not
only all along its own course, but to
other nerves at some distance from it,.
That is what is called sympathetic or re-
flex pain. A familiar example is the way
in which several teeth will ache, when
only one nerve is actually inflamed.
Pain, OF course. has IFS uses. BY means
of il the physician is often helped 10 his
diagnosis. He cannot take the patients
word for the severity OF the pain, for what
one person will bear with comparative
equanimity, another will describe as in
tolerable anguish.
The doctor notices the patients atti-
tude, his facial expression, and-above
all-hlS pulse rate. Real pain always
makes the pulse rapid, and as a rule, The
more severe the pain the more rapid is
the pulse. That is a good rule TO re-
member. Physicians often detect MA
lingerers by their entirely normal pulse
rate, and mothers can with safety use the
same test TO determine the reality oi
severity OF the pains OF which their chill
dren complain.
1t is not always wise or kind TO give
instant relief, even when the suffering is
great. In certain intestinal disorders, ioI
example, an anodyne will quickly change
the victims groaus TO quiet, heavy sleep
But the symptoms are only masked, and
the trouble that caused the pain may pro-
gresS until it IS too late for the operation
that might have meant cure. The
safest means OF relieving pain until the
doctor comes is the application OF either
heat or cold. For some pain there is
nothing like a hot-water bottle. When
there is much congestion, the same bot
lie filled with ice water will give more
relief.
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1914-08-06
FIOgged By His Peer.

One day young recruit was standing
guard before the door OF the entrance 10
Peter the Greats private chambers in the
palace OF St. Petersburg. He had re-
ceived orders to admit no one.
As he was passing slowly up and down
before the door Prince MenschikoH, the
favorite minister of the car, approached
and attempted 10 enter. He was stopped
by the recruit.
The prince. who had the fullest liberty
OF calling upon his master at any time,
sought TO push the guard aside and pass
him. Yet the man would not move, but
ordered his highness stand back.
"You idiolr' shouted the prince.
Don't you know me? You'll be pun
iShed for this %
The recruit smiled and said:
every we'll, your highneSs, but my or
ders are peremptory TO let nobody pass.
The prince, exasperated at the fellows
impudence, struck him blow in the face
with his riding whip.
"Strike away. your highness, said the
soldier, "but cannot let you 90 in"
Peter, in the room, hearing the noise
outside, opened the door and inquired
what il meant, and the prince told him.
The car appeared amused, but said
nothinU NJ the time
In the evening, however, he sent for
the prince and the soldier. As they both
appeared Peter gave his own cane TO the
soldier, saying:
THAT man struck you in the morning.
Now you must return the blow to that
fellow with my stick"
The prince was amazed. "Your maj
esty," he said, this common soldier is
to strike me ?"
81 make him captain" said Peter.
But I'm an officer of your majesty'S
household" objected the prince.
81 make him colonel ofmY life guards
and an officer OF the household" said
Peter again.
"My rank, your majesty knows, is that
OF general, again protested Menschlkoh.
"Then make him a general, so that
the beating you get may come from man
OF your rank"
The prince got sound thraShing in
the presence of the car, and the recruit,
who was next day commissioned gen.
eral with title, was the founder OF a
powerful family, whose descendants are
still high in the imperial service Of Russia.
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1914-08-06
Ate Pie With trimmings

This is a true story OF what happened
not long ago at a q. a. X. banquet in a
Kansas town.
Two epicureaas had reached the des-
sert OF the MENU Blackberry pie was
the piece de resistance. The pie. rich
and juicy, had been brought TO the din
ner on pasteboard pie pan, but the juice
had soaked through the pasieboard and
pan and pie had been slipped on china
plate.
"Man," said one epicurean, as he
severed a generous bite with his iofk,
this is the best looking pie ever looked
at" But as he "Fletcherized," blank
looked dawned on his face. lie took
another bite. "Its little different from
any blackberry pie ever ate" he said
thoughtiully, but it's great, that's what
II is"
The other man ale contentedly. "Of
course II tastes that way 10 you" he said
superciliously, but my daughter, you
know, is an advanced domestic science
student and this pie doesn't have an un-
usual taste TO me at ALL" They were
finishing in satisfaction, The domestic
science girls dad was reluctantly lifting
the las, juicy bite from the plate. when
half smothered giggle at his right diverted
his attention. He-turned inquiTingly.
you've both eaten the pasteboafd
plate with your pie" explained the iel-
low guest, her face very red with sup
pressed laughter. Sure enough they had.
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1914-08-06
Where The West Begins.

Out where the landscapes little stronger,
Out where the smile dwells little longer,
That's where the West begins.
Out where the suns little brighter,
Where the SHOWS that fall are tre whittier.
Where the bonds OF home are wee bit tighter
That's where the West begins.
Out where the skies are a triile bluer,
Out where friendships little truer
That's where the West begins.
Out where iresher breeze is blowing
Where there's laughter in every streamlet flowing
Where there's more OF reapng and less OF sowing
That's where the West begins
Out where the world is in the making,
Where fewer hearts with despair are breaking,
That's where the West begins.
Where there's more OF singing and less OF signing
Where there's more OF giving and less OF buying,
And man makes friends without hall trying,
That's where the West begins.
Denver Republican.
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1914-08-06
A Log Twenty Thousand Years Old.

Not long ago The Companion told OF a
well preserved cedar log in one OF the
forests OF the Pacific coast that is at least
three or four hundred years old. Last
winter workman, eighty-one feet be-
low the surface Of Broadway, near Pine
Street, in the city Of New York, found a
piece OF cedar wood that is still more re-
markable. The wood was uncovered in
excavating for the foundation OF the new
Equitable Building II was part of the
trunk OF a small cedar tree that grew at
least ten thousand years, and more prob
ably twenty thousand years ago
The wood was within foot OF bedrock,
and it was covered with eighty feet OF
boulder clay and glacial drift, which show
ed that the tree from which il came must
have. flourished before the last great age
of ice.
The piece OF wood is quarter section
OF trunk about eight or nine inches in
diameter. Examination with a micro
scope shows that il is in structure much
like the cedarS that grow to-day. SO well
is the wood preserved that scarcely any
expert in forestry would have believed it
to be of preglacial growth if it had not
been found IN the glacial drift. Profes-
sor Kemp OF Columbia University de-
cares that the tree must have grown on
or very near the present island OF Man
haitian. Glacial drift is transported soil
carried by ice and flood. But if the drift
had carried the wood far, it would have
ground il TO pieces. The tree, uprooted
by ice or flood, must have been broken
in pieces and swept southwark 10 the
sea. This piece happened TO find refuge
in bed Of blue clay, and eighty feet OF
gravel, boulders and soil were in the
course OF time piled above it.
Some very interesting clam shells have
recently been excavated at the same place
and at the same depth. They look very
much like the clans of to-day but the
shells are two or three times as thick.
The clam shells are probably even older
than the piece Of cedar wood
The glaciers left so little in the way Of
contemporary plant and animal remains
behind them, that the discovery is OF very
great interest.
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1914-08-06
The Biggest FIagpole.

The Oregon fir tree, which has been
shaped to make the largest tlagpole in the
world, has been raised at the Exposition
grounds at San Francisco. Owing to its
great weight and length, the pole was ex-
tremely difficult TO handle, and the work
of getting if into an upright position has
reused as much interest as any other SIN
gle construction feature at the Exposi-
ton.
The pole stands 222 feet above the
ground and the gilded star at the top rises
10 feet higher. Ten feet OF the butt is set
into a solid block OF reinforced concrete
weighing 200 tons, which will be sufficient
bulk 10 hold the pole upright against the
highest winds without the assistance OF
guy ropes or other supports. The flag
pole itself weighs 35 tons, the log from
which it was trimmed having weighed 81
tons. Three derrickS were required to
erect the pole.
The pole was given to the Exposition
by the citizens Of Astoria, Ore, and was
floated down the coast TO the Exposition
grounds over year ago. 1t will carry a
great American flag 46 feet long, also
given by the citizens OF Astoria.
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1914-08-06
Ate The supernumeraries.

Even in the hottest OF battles, when the
fate OF an army is hanging in the balance,
some trivial incident or remark may pro-
woke laughter-all the more, perhaps,
because of the nervous tension OF the
situation.
"At the Battle OF Kernstown," said
Capt James Randolph, an officer in the
"StonewalI Brigade" OF General Jackson,
"our ammunition ran out, and we had no
means OF repelling the fierce assaults OF
General Shields brigade. As no fresh
supply was brought up to the fighting
lines by the supernumeraries detailed for
this service, galloped back 10 the am
muniiion carts to learn the cause OF the
delay.
al found the wagons deserted by all
save old Tom Sealock, a quaint product
OF the Virginia mountains, hall soldier,
teamSter. Tom sat on the tongue OF a
wagon, grumbling TO himself about the
high-hauded way in which the officers
had levied on certain delicacies recently
captured from the enemy, OF which he
had constituted himself the custodian
canned and preserved aricles, with curl
GUS names unknown on the simple bill Of
fare OF The mountaineer.
"Where are the supernumeraries ? ]
cried TO him, as ! reined in.
"Tom took his pipe from his mouth,
blew cloud OF smoke, and remarked,
disguStedly:
"Cap'n, them plaguy orlicers fun the
Sd Virginny done ct the last one OF 'em
up las night =
"And in spite Of the gravity OF the Sit
uation, had 10 laugh"
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1914-08-06

A minister, spending holiday in the
North OF Ireland, was out walking, and
feeling thirsty, called at a farmhouse for
a drink of milk. The farmers wife gave
him large bowl Of milk, and while he
was quenching his thirst anumber OF pigs
got round about him. The minister no
ticed that the pigs were very strange in
their manner so he said:
"My good lady, why are those pigs so
excited ?"
The farmers wife replied
"Sure, its no wonder they are excited,
sir; it's their own little bowl you are
drinking out OF"
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1914-08-06
Summer Coughs Are Dangerous.

Summer colds are dangerous. They
Indicate low vitality and often lead 10
serious Throat and Lung Troubles. in
cluding Consumption. DR. Kings New
Discovery will relieve the cough or cold
promptly and prevent complications. II
is soothing and antiseptic and makes you
feel better at once. To delay IS danger
ouS-get bottle OF Dr. Kings New Dis
covery at once. Money back if not sat
isfied. SOC and S100 bottles at your
Druggist.
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1914-08-06

Arthur Train, assistant District Attorney
OF New York, has ready wit which has
caused The downfall OF many witnesses.
This was proved recently in divorce
trial. Mr.. Train was cross-exsmining
the plaintiff, with whom he had the fol-
lowing tilt:
"You claim this woman drinks. Is that
the reason you wish TO divorce her ?"
"Yes, sir"
"Do YOU drink yourseIf2"
That's my business?" angrily re-
sDonded the irate husband.
Unmoyed. Mr.. Train asked This ques-
ton
Have you any ether business 2"
For earsche, toothache. pains. burns.
scalds, sore throat, Try DR. Thomas Ec-
Ieciic Oil, splendid remedy for emer-
gencies-
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1914-08-06
Summer Constipation Dangerous.

Constipation in summertime Is more
dangerous than in the fall, winter or
spring. The food you eat is often con-
taminated and is more likely 10 ferment
in your stomach. Then you are apt TO
drink much cold water during the hot
weather, thus iniuring your stomach:
Colo, Fever, Ptomaine Poisoning and
other ills are natural results, Po-Do-Lax
will keep you well, as II increases the
Bile, the natural laxative, which fds The
bowels OF the congested poisonous waste.
Po-Do-Lax will make you feel better.
Pleasant and effective. Take a dose to-
night. SOC at your Druggist.
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1914-08-06

"Ny daughter, Mary. is getting TO be
an excellent Latin scholar" said the
proud father to visitor "Here is one
OF her exercise books and you may see
for yourself" Mary blushed scarlet and
made wild graD at the book. Rhe vas
too late and the delighted visitor read
aloud TO the company:
Boyibus kissibus
Girlibus IIkibus,
Sweet girIoum,
Want Somorurn.
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1914-08-06

The freshman from Georgia was dis
cussing pronunciation with the COED
from Cornell. "Aud," queried the CO.
ed, "do you say do for door and no
for floor.
"No, indeedy," replied the young
Georgian, emphaticalIy. "lused to once,
but don't any mo- +"
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1914-08-06

They were on their way TO the picnic.
Gracious! It's going to rain today"
exclaimed Mrs. Buggins.
What makes you think SOP" asked her
husband.
IL came away and left all the windows
open" replied Mrs Buggins.
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1914-08-06

Itching piles provoke profanity but
profanity won't remove them. Doan's
Ointment IS recommended for itching,
bleeding or protruding piles. SOC at any
drug store.
Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1914-08-06

Most disflguring skin euptions, scrof-
ula, pimples, rashes, etc. are due to i'm
pure blood. Burdock Blood Bnters as a
cleansing blood tonic is well recommend
ed. Sl00 at all stores.