The Washington times., 1914-07-12
SOME LEFT-OVERS FOR THE
THEATER OILERS
By GARDNER MACK.

guests They did not wait for per-
suasion.
Decked in their Sunday best. they
met her after the matinee. fifteen
most minus to ten or twelve plus.
Piled into the four automobiles they
were whizzed through the city, around
Potomac Park and along the beauti-
full drives in Rock Creek Park. Their
obs! and abs! were delightful to their
hostess whose enthusiasm for them
reached such bounds that she effer-
vesced. and in an effort to share some
Of her effervescence with her guests
hit upon ice cream soda as the best
basis for accomplishing the co-ordina-
ton Of feeling. But all of the fifteen
with appetites for ice cream soda had
not yet become plus enough to enjoy
independence of locomotion and those
who were SO blessed were too intent
upon the business at hand to render
the brotherly or sisterly assistance the
occasion called for.
When the orders had been given in
the proper place for such things, Miss
Jewell noticed that only a small pro-
portion of her charges were present.
1t so happened that she had given
more time to the drive and its sequel
than she really had available for the
purpose and II was necessary for her
to tear herself away from her guests.
She paid for the sodas that had been
consumed, and in order to feel sure
that no one had been slighted, she
directed the man at the faucet and
freezer to dish out such additional or
ders as might be called for by those
who had been overlooked in the scram-
BILE from the machines TO the fountain.
She left her colored maid to settle
the bill.
Please remember there were fifteen
children in the party. and that about
eight of them were lined up before the
soda dispenser. When the maid pre-
sented her final report of the happen
ings after her mistress left she rem
dered an account of the payment Of
cream sodas. with the further state
ment that no child in the party had
been served more than once, Miss
Jewel applied ordinary mathematics to
the problem, verified all the figures
her maid had given her. but could make
nothing of IT. She still puts in spare
moments now and then figuring on the
proposition. Fifteen children, thirty
three Ice cream sodas and not a single
encore! Figure IT out yourself. II you
don't mind the hot weather!
Sordid curiosity viii sell no more
vaudeville tickets!
Despite the fact that II has loo%el
to the houses OF trained elenhants
and concentrated drama for susie
nance these many Years. the snirIt
that causes people 10 crowd court
rooms at murder trials rrust seek an
other altar. HammersIein has snoxen.
He has declined to give Mrs. Lefty"
Louie ard Mrs. "Gvp the Blood"
places on his program. They will not
he able 20 show At hIs house. he has
declared. cmrhaticaI'y. And New
York stands aghast. The Hammer
stein attitude is new. 1t has not been
many weeks since the young woman
who sued millionaire for breach Of
promise was 'hcadlfne.l' by Ham
merstein. The youn. woman was net
an actress. she had not even the
memory to hold the sc: snCerh that
had been prepared for her. and fall
tered in its utteTance. And the song
cauGe she had no voice. She did not
dance. he"ause she did net know how,
And she didn't stay at I-ammcrstein's
very long. Brt she was the last. de-
clares. the great impressario. Never
again! .
Tie Hammerstcin attitude has not
yet become SO contagious that bust
ness is hurt in other sections of the
country. This seems TO re rather en-
open seeson for lion tarIers, and the
beasts that have killed their train
ers in various sections. the news of
which has been duly and most widely
headlined on the first Dares OF oil
have become the draw
ing cards In many theat"rs. In Chi ,
cago. whore a most horrible accident
befeli lion tarrer. the lions that fig
ured in ;he affair are icing STIRRED
sbove all other acts 1t the nrst-class
vaudeville hnuseE.
But there is hoDe--fro.1 the Ham
merstein attitrd.-that th- spirit Of
ration will strike TIE Iem1in-
der OF the country. And there iy i
hor'e that The coming vaudeville sea J
son viii he purely vaudeville.