The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-05-03
LESSONS IN MILKING
 UNLADYLIKE COW
Homer Croy's Experience With Clar- ice, Roan B0vine-How Things
 Happened

Some scientific expert engaged in farm ing has just discovered that COW should be treated at lady. Sometimes this is difficult, as often this depends on her ear iy training, says the Louisville Courier Journal. t ..s.,-. s4 ...4.
 We used to have a COW back home, a large roan with low, retreating fore head, who had a way of stepping in the bucket that lost her many friends. No COW can endear herself to a person when she Is standing with one foot in the bucket Now COW with the right kind of early life will do this.
 When a person is thrown into the soci- ety of COW 1t does not take him long to find out what her early life has been. If she stands with one foot in the bucket for any length of time. one can feel nor ally certain that her mother was not of the highest type.
 Our cows name was C1arice. was often called on to milk Clarice. l was loath to do this, and she was just as ioath be called fast friends.
 Once, with bucket on my arm, I ap- preached her on the subject of milking. Clarice was standing s the milk lot with a sad, faraway look in Her eyes. as if all her dreams had not come true going over her supper fora second time. Clarice was always going back and putting a few finishing touches to her supper. 1 placed the pail under her body, well toward the rear. and seated myself on a three-legged stool. I had not asked her if could do this, but l felt that ali would be well. Clarice had a window weight on the end of her tail that she had picked up fighting flies down in the creek. I did not know that she was armed. I had just turned my attention to the pail when she hit me with the window weight. She was a good hitter
 1 did not say anything, but I gave her a significant look Fitting my shoulder into her side l again took hold of her 1 put my hand around the parts mentioned and squeezed them. While 1 was trying to get the milk running she again hit me with the window weight. gave her another significant look, followered by lowering lance, and again placed my ear to her flank and reached for the source of supply. My hands had barely closed over the source of supply before l felt the muscles of her flank gather and become taut. Still suspicion did not strike me but something else did. The last l re- member distinctly was having my ear in her flank. The next thing l knew l had it in pillow. From that time on there was a certain coldness between us Her charm was gone. She now had feet Of clay.
 One evening I was crossing the meadow just as night was stealing out of the woods and blowing his black breath over the countryside. when l heard an angry voice behind me l immediately turned around. It was Clarice's husband.
 He was coming at me in high dudgeon. He had his nose close to the ground and his eyes on me. I saw that l was not needed and turned and started away as fast ss I could. The husband came on apace. When l turned T found that he had come on several of them.
 I headed toward tree. When arr rived at the tree I took hold of lower limb and started to ascend at once. was out of breath. but felt that 1t would best to wait until was at the top to regain it. I felt shock, and in moment saw the seat of pair of trousers on his horns. felt that they were mine. < nepr on climbing. This did not derer me got or a tittle Not jttle.
 My pursuer stood under the tree and placing his nose near the ground said things that do not care to repeat. for da not know who may be reading these lines. He stayed 2 long while under the tree, while remained in it. had no dee sire to come down. would wait until my caller had gone was glad that the tree had selected that spot for it's nativity. I was thankful that it had not seen fit to cast it's fortunes quarter of a mile far-S ther on. <14st A4 A [
 At last the unpleasant creature left. r did not try to get him to stay. was tir- ine of his company. Once or twice | yawned openly. Finally. in the gloaming, he joined Clarice, and the two strolled of.
 did not feel fayorably disposed toward either party. Try as might. could not help picking flaws in their breeding. Cler- Ice had not lived up to my ideal of a lady. and her better half had fallen far short of my idea of . gentleman.