The Washington herald., 1914-03-19
Statesmen, Real and Near.
By FRED c. KELLY

derous, magaphonic, tympanum-tearing
voice as Representative Frank B. Willis,
Of Ohio.
The voice Of an enraged bull, Of an
auctioneer. Of Gabriers horn. Of a pipe
organ, OF a ten-lnch cannon-alI these
would combine into mere whisper when
compared with the vocative powers of
the trumpet-tongued Willis-who, by the
way. Is expected to be the next Republi-
can nominee for governor of Ohio
Now, the question arises. how did the
man ever acquire a voice SO uncannily
loud? Certalhly II was never really in
tended that a human being should have
the power. as Willis has. to drown out
the noise Of July thunder storm. Where
did he get IL?
The answer Is absurdly simple The
Willis voice Is due almost entirely to the
peculiar shape Of the farm on which he
was raised.
II was a narrow farm. but long-so
long. In fact. that when the hogs .strayed
to the far end, they were nearly three
quarters Of mile away from the barns.
Willis used TO climb up to the top OF
the corn crib and call in the hogs att
feeding time. At first they could not
hear him. but that was before he got
into practice. The time came when the
hogs could hear Willis almost as dis
tinctly as II he were whispering right
into their ears
And he has never ceased to talk as IL
he were calling home the hogs They
declare. out where Willis comes from,
that when he proposed to his wife and
was doing his best to speak in a soft
purring tone. II was heard all over two
precincts. His ordinary conversational
voice is on a par with the blast of mus
kets. and his words pop out like balls |
OF fire from roman candle.
At banquet here one night. Repre-
sentative Fess. also Of Ohio. followed
Willis on the program. and Fess was
greatly embarrassed over the ruthless
manner in which his colleague had near |
ly ruined the ear drums Of every per-
son present !
Having known Willis from early youth.
Fess was familiar with the relation be- |
tween the Willis voice and the lOwly !
swine on his fathers farm. He told |
that story by way of twitting Willis and |
also told Of the time he got OF train !
in an Ohio town and heard Willis max /
ing a campaign speech at a county fair |
He was a mile and half away"
said Fess to the banaueters. but l
heard him
Yes" cut in Willis at that juncture. !
II always could make the shoats hear"
Then the laugh was on Willis no more. !
On his last visit to Washington, former |
President Taft was greeted by Repre- |
sentative James Francis Burke. of Penn |
sylvania. who was chairman OF the House !
committee that escorted Mr.. Taft to the |
White House on the day OF his Inaugural |
tion.
You're hooking bully" said Burke, |
but a good deal thinner
Yes. I am thinner" replied Taft with !
his smile. you know | always did try |
to harmonize with my party"
No one has laughed more heartily than |
Taft over This conundrum that went the |
rounds shortly after his defeat:
What's the difference between Bill !
Taft and Moses"
Give IL up
The Lord buried Moses where the
people couldn't find him: and the people
buried Taft where the Lord couldn't find
him
Agriculture is an occupation and not
A hobby with David F. Houston. Sec
retary OF Agriculture. He is willing to
run his department in a way that will
provide all Information possible for those
who desire to plant things in the ground
and watch them grow. But he doesn't
go in for home gardening himself He
got all he wanted Of stirring up the
mother earth with hoe and SPADE when he
was a boy in his fathers farm. From
now on he IL perfectly reconciled to
play golf in his leisure hours. and let
others raise his radishes for him.
Representative John w Langley, of
Kentucky. maintains a cement pool OF
goldfish in mis- yard back home and by
staring into the water from the brink
of this pool he has learned a great deal
about the manners. habits and customs
Df fish. Still. as much as he knows about
fsh. he finds mat there is ever uppor-
funity to learn even more For instance
he did not know what would happen
hen goldfish and black bass were placed
side by side in the same pool.
The last time Langley was home he de-
iermined to brighten the lives Of his
neghbors by distributing his goldfish
among them. He bade them come to his
back yard at an appointed hour on the
morrow. each With a pail or goldfish jar.
md he would IppOrtiOn his pets among
hem To take home and Cherish as their
Iwn.
speaking Of fish," put in a neighbor.
I've got three or four black bass over ,
II the house and they're still alive I'll
ct you put them in YOUR pool and you
an have them for dinner tomorrow"
Langley dumped the lass in with the
'oldfish. Next morning only black bass
we're to be found where goldfish had
'een before. AI.C 50 the poor neghbors !
rot none.