Evening star., 1914-07-26

the New York dry goods emporium
which had false front and gave out
| the only shade in the community. Yes
| sir. they would sit around there until the
| regular human sitters had to move away
Said hoss wasn't no kind Of company.
| AS the days went on things kept get
| tin wuss. Even the minister quit prayin
for rain. Said he couldn't win single
| handed against all the cussin' the COM
munity was doin' at him. And thenSold
| one-eyed Bill Doogan proceeded to pull
| the prize fool trick of his pig-headed life
He went to the New York dry goods en-
| pOriun and bought one Of those great
big. wide-brimned straw hats that farm
ers wear. Then, in the presence of the
holes in it.
| THE community wasn't sure he had
| gone crazy until they saw him that night
| drivin' his horse down Main street. The
| horse was a-wearin' that farmers hat
on the back Of its head and its ears was
| stickin' through the holes. 1t had a
| piece of rope that passed through the
crown of the hat and went down under
meath the chin like the ribbons Of old
| fashioned bonnets.
! Nobody had ever heard of such a
thing before. Henry Higgins said that
the next thing We knew Bill would be
| backin' that horse into. a pair of pants
| evenin
bill stuck to his fad for three days.
! had noticed that the other horses in the
| community seemed to be gettin more and
| more nervous. but I didn't think of it un-
| til I got back from the county seat on
| the third day.
! My first thought was that everybody
| had gone crazy. They was runnin'
around bareheaded. and every time they
saw a horse a block away they'd duck
into an alleyway and Yell for the police.
It wasn't until I reached the corner OF
Jackson and Main streets that realized
what the trouble was.
! "A little man with bald head and a
! shiny new city type of straw hat tried
to dodge in front of an old milk wagon
horse. But it wasn't no use. The horse
{ made one grab. lifted the hat and with
a flip of its upper lip tossed it on its
head.
"The way that little man pleaded for
something to cover his bald head would
| have moved the heart of anything but
a milk wagon horse.
| cav. please have some sense. horse.
he kept sayin'. while the horse moved
away.
| it. The other horses had got the notion
of hat wearin' from old Bill Doogan's s
| horse, and at :: o'clock in the afternoon
they started their raid. Every horse but
hat before 1 got back. And for weeks
! afterward in the hottest kind OF weather
| the people of Kuckakuck went around
wearin' derbys and plug hats
Truth crushed to EARTH" said the OBJ
server, will rise again
Whats that?' said the gentleman
from the Kansas corn belt. suspiciously.
II know that what You aver is the
absolute and unequivocal truth" eX-
planned the Observer, because YOU still
have the hat" L..
And 1 Want szsssi yoG. cencsuded the 05-
server. ito meet, some day. friend OF
mine who caught a fish when he was a
I.mere lad, fifteen years ago. The expert
ence he relates will interest you"
After this the Observer took a car
ride A car ride is a great institution
for clearing the mind, after two stories
like that.
Would you consider this a hot day"
the Observer asked the conductor.
Nav, bo,' replied the conductor,
heartily. Il have seen lots hotter days
than these.
"Dtd you ever catch fried fish?' asked
the Observer.
The conductor saped at HIM
"Or see a horse steal a straw hat?
"Say, bo,' said the conductor with a
grin. maybe it is a little hotter than
/ thought it was. You better stand out
here and not go inside
He insisted so cordially that the OBJ
server remained where he was While
the conductor told him how unwise 1t
is to stay in the sun or drink to excess
in hot weather. There is a good deal
of the philanthropist in that conductor.
"a conductor must lead an interest
Sh1
'Did 1 ever tell you how I lost
quarter on account of hot weather."
the conductor came back promptly.
Like all men, he needed but slight
prod to let loose hot-weather yarn
You did not" said the Observer, "and
what is more
"It happened in Mobile, Ala
Fifteen years ago when you were a
| mere lad chanted the Observer.
Huh? Say, maybe, I'd better not
| talk about hot weather if it sets you
| off that way" retorted the conductor.
One hot day 1 boarded street car
was giving, not taking, fares then. l
| felt something burning in my pocket.
and you can bet made a quick grab.
| The only two coins I owned had melted.
/ One was two-bit piece and the other
a nickel. They were glued together.
Il tried to ,pry 'em apart. but nothing
none. either. All the time the con-
ductor was looking at me funnylike.
| Say he said to me. when you git
through that coin trick you're tryin' to
do maybe youn pay me my fare?'
! "'Young feller. came back at him, If
don't get this coin trick done right
| you won't get your fare.
"If l don't he handed me, III chuck
you Off this carr
! There was only one other thing to
| do-and that was to prove that he
couldn't chuck me off the. car-so 1
gave him the nickel and quarter.
| HE bit EN-"
| How could he bite them inquired
! the Observer. 'if they were SO hot they
! had melted together
| Huh. you'd ought to seen the jaw on
| that conductor was the reply.
Proceed. said the Observer. Il do
| not doubt you.
| HE bit 'efn. as l was saying. Started