davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Atlanta Georgian., 1914-03-01
American Sunday Monthly Magazine Section

"She's crazy to get married, !" he said. "She says
she wants good-looker and you amt much to look
at but SO long as you got the money | bet you can
get her. Only, first you got to promise me get
a hundred dollars commission on the day you get
married. You got to swear it on the Torah."
Con the what?" asked Jake Lapidowitz looked
at him suspicousy.
q guess you amt Jew" he said.
"Oh, | know what you mean, exclaimed Jake
hastily. "Only that amt what we call it in Scot
land Scotch Yiddish is different you know"
He puffed at his cigarette for several moments
and then "Well, I'll tell ye, he said. 81 amt
exactly crazy to get married. but if she looks good
to me and has plenty of mezumeh why, maybe I'd
take a fling at it. Lead me to her."
'Do you swear get the commission if you marry
herr" asked Lapidowitz
Chow much did you say she's got"
1910, ,784.3 37," said the schnorrer.
''I give you my sacred word of honor I'll give you
two hundred cold if | marry her, said Jake.
'Come along" said Lapidowitz. He led him
to the widows house but paused at the doorstep
'Meyer Greenbaum did you say the name was?"
cts the name | was baptized by, but the boys
all call me Jake Better make it Jake Green
baum"
A moment later they stood in the presence of
Mrs Podroff.
"My friend, Mister Jake Greenbaum," said
Lapidowitz The one-eyed man took hasty
survey of the widows features and made a sweeping
bow.
The widow uttered faint cry He amt got
no good looks!" she exclaimed
"But he's got good money!" whispered Lapido-
wtz in her ear. "He's got SO much money he buys
things on the Stock Exchange"
Lady" said Jake, in winning voice, Il
saw you on the street once and you made
such impression on me that I've been
Atlanta Georgian., 1914-03-01

looking everywhere for someone to introduce me to
you< 1t was only to-day that Mr.. What-d'ye-cal-
lim here, told me you was left a widow in dis
tress and / told him to lead me right to you to
see if / couldn't help you out. My fortune is at
your disposal | am unfortunate enough to
possess glass eye which | bought of a Spanish
princess, but if you look down upon me because
of my physical misfortune | can only lay my hand
on my heart and say farewell to my fondest hopes"
"Poor mani" said the widow whereupon Jake
lit a cigarette and, turning to Lapidowitz, said
YOU'D better down to the Stock Exchange
and see about that deal Bring the bonds to Mil
ken's cafe. I'll meet you there in little while"
Lapidowtz with shrewd smile, withdrew.
"Thats the smartest fellow | ever saw" he muir
INJURED to himself The widow, meanwhile, led
Jake into the parlor and asked him if he would like
a cup of tea.
few hours later Jake met Lapidowitz at Mil
ken's.
T'Now, sonny he said, "what's your name?"
"Thats too hard. I'll call you Witty for short.
Now listen to me- Witty. She's going to take lunch
with me tomorrow. She's pretty good-looking and
while she's old enough to be my mother, if the
worst comes to the worst I'd marry her. But if
| can get her to back scheme I've got | could make
a million dollars and I'll take you in the ground
floor. Can | trust your"
''My sacred word" began Lapidowitz, but
Jake cut him short
Don't bother" he said. eff you ever went back
on me I'd cut your throat. Come with me-"
He led the schnorrer to JarakoWsky's bank
Canal street where he opened an account for hun
dred dollars Lapidowitz somewhat disap-
Atlanta Georgian., 1914-03-01

pointed to observe that after the
hundred dollars were deposited Jake''s
roll of bills seemed to be reduced to
about six dollars.
"Now," said Jake, "let's go to
some restaurant where they know
you"
Lapidowitz took him to Bendel's
restaurant on Rivington street. After
ordering two cups of coffee Jake sent
for the proprietor.
"Could you. cash check for me for
fifty dollars?" he asked. "My friend
Witty here will vouch for me and,
if you have any doubts about it, I'll
wait while you send around to the
bank"
The proprietor looked at Lapi-
dowitz.
"He buys things on the Stock
Exchange" said Lapidowitz, loftily.
The proprietor, vastly impressed,
promptly cashed the check, first,
however, sending a waiter to the
bank with ii to see if it was perfectly
good. He was greatly relieved to see
that Jake remained in the restaurant
and showed no signs of hurrying
away and even more relieved to
learn, long before Jake departed, that
the check was perfectly good. AS
they left the restaurant Jake handed
the fifty dollars to Lapidowitz.
"Take this to the bank and de-
post it to my account" he said.
"You see [ trust you. Tomorrow
I'll be lunching in there with the old
lady. | want you to come running
in and ask me for fifty dollars. Look
excited when you ask for the money.
I'll get check cashed and you run
around to the bank and deposit it
just like you're going to deposit this
money. Are you wise?"
Lapidowitz gazed at Jake with an
expression of awe.
"Never in all my life" he cried,
"did see such a smart fellow as your
The one-eyed man touched by his
bowed profoundly. People like me
Continued on page ~
Atlanta Georgian., 1914-03-01

vited condolences, and, after ponderlng his sug-
gestion for while, the widow found herself con-
iding in his ear the longings of her heart.
"Ill make it more than seventy-hve, she said.
"And I'll give you nice present, too. But he must
be a good-looking man, and he must have money.
A poor man | wouldn't marry for anything in the
world. He would only be after my money. But
if he got money OF his own and is good-ookng then
I'd like to see him.
Chow much money does he got to have?" asked
Lapidowtz.
@Oh, about fifty thousand dollars said the
widow. "If he had that much | could trust him
with what got"
q will do the best / can," said Lapidowitz. 81
got party in mind what I'll invite out to lunch to
talk it over Could you let me have ten dollars
account for expenses?"
The widow handed him five dollars.
"Make him pay for his lunch, she said.
Il don't want stingy man who would let you pay
for him."
Lapidowtz Departed cursng the widows close
fstedness and went to Milken's cafe where he
dered cup of coffee glass of slivovitz and ten
cent cigar. He then began to think. The only man
he knew who possessed as much as fifty thousand
dollars was Lubarsky, the real-estate dealer and
Lubarsky was married. Lapidowitz went the
entire list of his acquaintance and found that all
who came anywhere within the pale of financial
eligibility were married; while those who were
unmarried and who might be tempted by the widows
wealth were either poor otherwise hopelessly
ineligible
"Hard uck!" he muttered to himself
'What do you know about hard luck?" asked
voice. Lapidowtz turned and beheld man seated
at the table behind him whom he had not observed
before He was slender individual with head
shaped somewhat like an egg and just as devoid of
hair. There was something attractive about his ap-
pearance despite his badness and despite the fact
that of his eyes seemed entirely out of focus.
g heard you say something about hard luck" he
said, rising from his seat and joining Lapdowitz.
"If you had one ten-mlionth part of my troubles
you'd have something to talk about. Have you seen
what the stock market is doing to-day?"
Lapidowitz gazed at him in open mouthed
astonishment
Mister" he said whats the matter with
your eye?"
"The glass one2" he asked. "Nothing's the
matter with it. | bought it in Germany.
Why?"
"Oh," said Lapdowtz with sigh of relief
81 didn't know it glass"
"Yep. 1t cost me fifty marks. 1t was
made to order for one of the royal family.
What was you saying about hard uck?
Lapidowitz gazed at the man thoughtfully.
'You amt Jew? he said, questioningy
''I am and | amt" said the man. 'NIy
names Jake, but l baptized Meyer 81
Greenbaum only | the
unless there's something in it" KIN
"You don't look like Yddisher,"
said Lapidowtz doubtingly
''None O the Scotch Jews does, said
Jake "But what's the idea?
Lapidowtz still hesitated.
'Tell me first" he said, do you got
enough money to buy on the Stock
Exchanged"
Without utterng word the man
drew from his pocket thick roll of
bills and held it before Lapidowitzs fas-
The Bridgeport evening farmer., 1914-11-09
WALL STREET JOURNAL HAS NEW
 WAY OF ADMINISTERING JUSTICE
jury. Tuesday
 

tury the ef New England rnaL
 This characteristic anteelection ignorance impudence. It is difficult to know which
 The Wall Street Journal, if reco1ect, noisy the Hartford Gourant in it's opposition for the recall of and to constitutional amendments hitting the people to pass judicial decisions.
 effrontery voters attempted stration criminal justice before them.
 Upon voting machine upon any ballot Il coun- appear the question: Shall looers punished 2n
 No people would attempt to elect constable his appeared some ballot
 Yet which insist the right seriously that the people of New England attempted the indictments against Ed Robbins felIer others
 course this The Wan Street Journal doesn't The Hartford Courant which thinks wouldn't pretend to believe this thing
 contenporary does believe however, that people gnorant enough believe pretty method operated at the polls, by the people settle ment of queston which not even proposed to them
The Bridgeport evening farmer., 1914-11-09
THE CAUSE OF WAR

IF H both interesting scientific, yet departs the scientific The origin e war oonoInc issue lndoubed Modern They quarres right fo control the riches of the earth.
 regard wrong inruded into the policy of Instead of regarding 1t unacceptable of certain evolution, that is the MT Kirk abandon the scientific od
 The trihes always fought They knew other way But heir obstacle of nature material steel wall Being they could not do otherwise ha they did
 factor anything people which does not know The bars of steel latter could be cut the will to 1t. The bars because dces not know they there, and there will libe
 With unnecessary at wiped and that the in doing it, there can be doubt
 That has been necessary not touch the question: have already had thng,is matter that always the thing another conclusion
 centures the will It might be sound enough among peo
 
 But 1t aInong civilized peoples. candles then then then senty we shall have cold light @s
 that thing perceived always has distance toward proving that to
 not wrong, remedy hopeless wrong provenent
 conscious that it necessary that know shall manage brilliant light of an enduring peace.
The Bridgeport evening farmer., 1914-11-09
1EoNKIrY FOOD ON zoo sHrP.
Exhibition Animals Slaughtered to
 Prevent a Famine.

Philadelphia, Nov 9.-The steam ship West Point. which brings a. col lection of more than seventy-five wild animals for the Brooklyn ZooIogicaI Park and which sent a wireless to this port for aid. arrived here late last night, several days overdue.
 The crew told tales of events aboard the zoo ship and described how they had been compelled to kill several of the animals to provide food for the others when the ships meat supply was exhausted.
 A food supply sufficient for an or dinary trip across the ocean had been placed aboard the West Point, but when stormy weather delayed her passage and there was no more meat for the animals the situation became most serious and the only way to pre- vent the starvation of the majority of the animals was to slaughter some and feed the carcasses to the others
 It was at first decided to send a wireless for an additional supply of food to be sent by tugboat, but when it was realized that this supply could not be received in time the plan was abandoned and several monkeys were killed. The collection on the West Point is part of the menagerie owned by the late F. c. Bostock, the show man.
The Bridgeport evening farmer., 1914-11-09
DeerieId and Greenfield.

Miss Olive Hull has been spending a few days as guest Of her uncle and aunt MT and Mrs. Frank Edwards. in Bridgeport.
 There will be an entertadnn1ent in the Center street Methodist church On Til lesiav evening Miss Sdegel of Mid- dletown, will be present and as she is a very fine elocutionist the evening will be given to her. At the close cake and coffee will be served.
 Mrs. s. C. Bradley is spending some time with Mrs Georgia Jennings in AspetucE1.
 The Ladies Social club will meet at the home of Mrs Richard ATcDonald in Stratdeld on eWdnesday.
 Students from Yale are supplying at the Hope chapel until asregular min ister can be secured. Rev. H. H Benedict has resigned
 Miss Edna Hull is spending a few days as guest of her brother and wife, MT and Mrs. Chester Hull in Platts- Hville
 On Tuesday evening at the regular meeting o6 the GreenfleId Country club MT. and Mrs. ". Burr HxH will be the hosts for the evening
 Miss Sarah Wake1pan of Hu11s Farms and Mrs Charles Gray are spending a few days at Mt. Holyoke. visiting Mrs. Gray's daughter Miss Anna M Gray who is g. student at
 Mrs. Annie L. BuIkley is planning for a public whist to be given at the Greenfield Country club soon.
 Mrs. G. H. Bradley will spend the winter with her brother in New York
 Little Helen and Marion Banks. Fred Banks, Sylvia. Baremore, Verna, Bare more were among those who attended the birthday party given at the home of MT. and Mrs. Frank. LobdeH in honor of their sons second birthday anniversary.
 Attorney and Mrs. Ingram have re- turned to their home in New York having spent a few days at their sum mer home in HulIs Farms.
The Bridgeport evening farmer., 1914-11-09
QUICK RELIEF FROM
 CONSTIPATION
Get Dr. Edwards Olive
 Tablets.

That is the joyful cry of thou sands since pr. Edwards produced Olive Tablets. the substitute for call omeI.
 elan for IT years and calomel's old= time enemy discovered the formula for Olive Tablets while treating pa- tients for chronic constipation and torpid flyers
 Dr. Edwards Olive Tablets do not contain calomel but a healing, soothing vegetable laxative. No gripping is the sskeynote'' of these little sugar-coated, oIiye-colored tablets. They cause the bowels and liver to act normally They never force them to unnatural action.
 now and then=a bad breath-a dull tired feenng-sick headache--torpid liver and are constipateds you'll find quick, sure and only pleasant results from one or two little pr. Edwards Olive Tablets at bedtime.
 Thousands take one or two every night just to keep right. Try them. 1Oc and 25c per box. All druggists.- The Olive Tablet Go, Columbus, O. Adv
The Bridgeport evening farmer., 1914-11-09
Gen. Fred Funston, the Big
 Little Warrior, Is 49 Today

You think Of a botanist as a meek little man who would call for help If
 attacked by mouse. You are ut
 ter1y and entirely mistaken. In purr suing the flora. of l1nexp1ored lands the botanist often assumes risks and
 braves terTor$ that would make the ibravest soldier turn pale aJool1t the
 gills. As Exhibit A, take the case of rnArit the aravest daredevil soldier in Uncle San1ss army. If there is any
 thing Fred Funston is sskeered" of, nobody knows it but himself. Any fear that the doughty little Kansan has ever felt has not been visible to Icornnaander of the American troops at Vera Cruz and the hero Of Cuba and the PhiIippines. used to be a botan1st by trade
 The gallant little ighting man was
 born in New Carlisle, Ohio, November g. 1865, and so will begin his hftiehh year today. At the age of two he lenigrated to Kansas, azsd was educated at the State University of the Sun flower state His father was a ca,p- tain in the northern army and his r1sotte CT was descended from Daniel As a boy he wandered over Mexico working at many occupations and earned enough money to pay his way through college. where he specialized in botany. After leaving the un1YeTS- ity he worked for time as a train collector, and for few months he was a reporter on a Kansas City pa per. He 1onged for excitement, how ever, and made use of his Botanical
 knowledge to land a. job as botanist for the United States agricultural de-
 partment. After exploring the wild
 regions of Montana and the Dakotas and the Death Valley of Cali&ornias he plunged into the Alaska. wilderness,
 camping on the KIondil1e in winter and floating down the Yukon. alone in I a caoe. After that h e started a. cof-
 fee plantation in Central America, but
 that was too tames so he went to Cuba,
 where an ipsurrection was in full blast, EpstensibIy as a correspondent, but in reaatty to fight the sEsaniards. As Iclief of artillery of the Cuban army he dred the first dynamite gun ever used in real warfare. wounded. he I returned to the United States, and 1 in 1898 became colonel of the Twen-
 tieth Kansas Vsolunteers. In the
 Phi ppines he captured Aguinaldo and pHfforrned other deeds Of Valor, and
 entered the regular army, speedily
 rising to the rank of bFigadier gener-
 al. The ightingest'' man in the EI.
 s. A. has yet hftesn years to serve be- l fore he will retire.
The Bridgeport evening farmer., 1914-11-09

The meaning declaration is that who has wealth patronize Wall street, IS not to be tried and punished like other criminals when he IS cr inal But special methodsIare to be raised up for him.
 There many persons under indictment in New Eng against the people None of them pardoned anything that took place at the bal lot
 Even the very claim of contemporary is unsound it Haven gentlemen who have been indicted prisoners of the nation not of New England The nation went Democratic
 contemporary feel if somebody should gentlemen should be treated with special very deprived of law subjected perhaps to in the nature of of blood because crats government instead of Republicans
 upon theories They insult intelligence and rlpt Sunintellgence.
The Bridgeport evening farmer., 1914-11-09
OSIEOPATHS CLAIMS
 CURE OF INSANITY
Speakers Ten of Many ses-Denta1
 Anaesthesia by Pressing Thumb.

New York, Nov. 9-The curing of certain cases of insanity by osteo- pathic treatment in the region oSf the neck and the curing Of toothache by pressing the thumb or finger of either hand were topics of addresses recently at the sixteenth annual convention of the New York Osteophatic society at the Park avenue hotel.
 Dr. R. Kendrtck Smith Of Boston. who spoke on pressure anaesthesia. gave clinical demonstration, in which he pressed upon the second Joint Of a patients left thumb and re- lieved the patients two left incisors of all sense Of feeling. A lancet was jabbed into the mans gum and he complained of no pain.
 Dr. L.. Van Horn Gerdine of the American School of Osteophy told of the cures ,effected in cases Of insanity at the Still sanitaxium in Macon, Mo- since last March, when the institution was established. Dementia caused by fusionaI insanity brought on Sby a blow. or brain disorders caused by aertorIo-sc1erosis arg cured by treat ment about the neck
 Dr. Van Horn Gerdine told of one case of dementia praecox. that of a woman nearly 80 who had been a mental dwarf since she, was if years old.
 She couldn't get enough blood to her lungs and her brain stopped grow ing. She couldn't talk and had suf- fered an entire loss of emotional life.
 Treatment was given in the region of the neck to restore the nutrition of the blood supply to the brain. Re- gently her mother visited her, and the patient was so improved that she rec ognized her mother and embraced her She talks spontaneously now. and is showing that most human character istic in women paying attention to her clothes and running down the dress Of other women
 pr. George M. Laugh1in Of the l American School Of Osteopathy spoke to the 100 delegates on the arthritides and tDr George M. AfacKee Of New
 York talked on the importance of a correct interpr citation Of radiogralns as an aid to diagnosis. There will be further sessions.
The Bridgeport evening farmer., 1914-11-09
I.1NcoLN AND 1,IEE; rARIFF.
6c1eveIand Plain Dealer.

(CIeveIand Plain Dealer.
 No candidate thinks Of running for an important office in these days without asserting with all the ve- hemence at his command that he stands exactly where Lincoln would alive And with this self-assu1np 7 ton of Lnco1nesque wisdom has gone an incIination to quote Lincoln upon every conceivable question. Such quotations are not often challenged, because the task of proving that a. certain man never said a certain thing possesses the difficulty that
 Professor Taussig, the Harvard economist has undertaken a task of this sort, however. Every reader is familiar with the alleged Lincoln saying that .sI do not know much about the tariff. but do know this rnucI-wIen we buy goods abroad, we get the goods and the foreigner gets the money; when we buy goods made at home. we get both the goods and the money. The professor had the originality to doubt whether Lin coin ever said anything of that kind.
 The result of his investigation is that the saying never made its appear ance till nearly thirty years after Lincoln's death, when it appeared in the American Economist Further, not the slightest authority can be found for believing that Lincoln ever made the declaration
 It is futile for anyone to assume knowledge as to how Lincoln would think or vote on the tariff issue, were he alive now. Above all, political speakers and writers may we'll cease noting Lincoln in words he probably never uttered
The Bridgeport evening farmer., 1914-11-09
KIuck.
 tF

A1exande Ter K1ue4 one of the very few German officers who have risen from the ranks. was born in Westpha- aias the son Of a contractor, and is now in his sixty-ninth year. Tn his youth he was plain Herr Kluck, and it was not until after a long and brilliant ser vice in the army that the Emperor. rewarded him with the .svon. of no- hility. As Gen. von Kluck his name is familiar to all readers of newspa
 pers. and when the history of this terrific conflict is written in full the deeds of this son of a commoner will probably occupy many pages. While
 his dash to Paris paItook somewhat
 of the nature Of the exploit of the general who marched up the hill and turned around and marched right
 down again, it was handled in a mas
 terly manner that aroused aroused the respect and admiration Of his foes
 As a matter of fact Gen. won ISIlIcsS the blundering of the inpetuous Grown Pri1lce-an incident of which history
 will also, in all prubabilfty, have much
 to say Alexander Kluck began his military career as a private in the
 Sixth WestphaNan infantry nearly half a century ago. He rose to the rank of lieutenant in the war against Austria in 1866. In the Franco-Pru sian war he was one of the heroes of the attack on Metz; where Marshal Itazaine and his army were bottled up and was twice wounded Ills gall
 lantry on that Noccasion was rewarded
 with the Iron Aesross. In 1898 he be
 came colonel and at the same time the Kaiser gave him the magic won ,. since then he has been several times elevated in rank, has received the Prils-
 sian Order Of the Black Eagle, and at the outbreak of the war was entrusted
 by the Kaiser with sthe most difficult
 9oD winch confronted the German mil itary machine
The Bridgeport evening farmer., 1914-11-09
uNNY BUSINESS IN ADVERTISING

BUSINESS day he would to spend money advertising if could write that is put out writers He seemed think one must be g sprofes ssional funny
 the whole thought anno Yertising funny business freak ling ideas Here and there by the Nhim may special space But every game, there are fifty who do get satisfactory results
 today that advertising heart proposition and should appealing desires Of reading pub
 
 chants the best goods show the most enterprise and sell the lowest Facts like these simple, any speak English language write effective advertisement
The Bridgeport evening farmer., 1914-11-09

N TOW THAT GOLD weather is fires started and 4 g lamps lit who desires health should thor ough his system ascertain if there leaks the should be Inspected that flues f&
 Carbon monoide is present in the gas and comes over from 1eaky fues It exceedingly poisonous substance in the constantly breathed will produce mysterious ailments.
 This coorles and odoress It has the unite with the red corpusces of the blood and dnnishes Their ability carry oxygen.
 No health precautions nffieIent that do not prevent Of habitations alelaents of fuel conbuston2