El Paso herald. (El Paso, Tex.) 1901-1931, 1914-01-24


5od 'oThat's after a rich man is dead,
which amt a spot to the trouble he
has when he's alive. ] remember when
was a millionaire
a what?' said Sim Perkins skeptic-
any .sI,illionaire," repeated Uncle Ash
ss5you never had a million dollars in.
vour life" declared Sim Perkins. You
never had a million cents at one time
.sDidn't say I did have" said Uncle
Ashdod. "AlI I said was that I was
a millionaire once, and you go and get
nasty about it. I know never had a
million dollars as well as you know it.
I had a million
what? I dare We to say it right
outI' said Sim Perkins. what did We
have a million OFF,
"Cakes of salt" said Uncle Ashdod.
"Cakes of salt was all the currency
they used in them Tango Isles at the
time the sally Ann was shipwrecked
there. so when the passengers started
to build bridges across the desert
81 amt hard to suit said SIM Per
Lyins chit if anybody was to Come
along and tell me why the passenger
started to build bridges across the des-
ert, I wouldn't complain. No. sir.
wouldn't"
THE passengers started to build
bridges because bridge building was
their trade and profession" said Uncle
Ashdod calmly, land they builded them
across the desert because the Tango
Isles are all desert, and hence cOnse-
quently they had to build the bridges
there or nowhere. The head bridge
builder was named Biddlecome, and ne
had one glass eye, but he could build
4 bridges just as wei as if both his eyes
were glass eyes, and he had a contract
to build bridges for ten years. He
/ was a fair haired and conscientious
: man, he was and he had hired out to
to build bridges, so he builded them
I says to him once, BiddlecOme, you
ding idiot what do you mean by build
in bridges across a desert| I says.
'Cap'n. AshdOd,, he says, you tend to
your business and III tend to mine.
I'm hired to build bridges, and bridges
III build. If so be we had reached
the Ganges river, well and good I'd
build bridges there. But we didn't, so
I'll build them here Seems to me- I
says, If I was gOin' to build anthinS
across a desert as dry as this I'd build
viaducts, which don't need no water
under EN- Pm a bridge builder he
says. So he went ahead and built
forty seven bridges.
Thought some old Teller said some-
thing about millionaire" said Sim Per-
so had all the water" said Uncle
Ashdod, paying no attention to Sims
remark. 81 had eighteen ca SKIS of plain
water, and nineteen cases of min'ral
water and ten tubes of sody water,
and eighteen bottles of toilet water
that smelled like perfumery. That be-
lOnged to me because I was owner of
the cargo of the Sally Ann, and when
I started in to sell water to Biddle-
come I sold him min'ral water first
off,
What did he buy water for?" asked
Sim Perkins.
ITO put under the bridges" ex-
planned Uncle Ashdod patiently. You
most always find water under a bridge
when you look, if it's first class
bridge, and that was the kind Biddle.
come builded. Some feIlers would just
have builded the bridges and not have
cared hang whether they was good
for anything or not but BiddlecOme
was fair, square man. He wanted
his bridges to be useful as well as
ornamental, and they would not have
been useful if they hadn't been useful
to carry folks over water. And as
there wasn't any water under the
bridges for the bridges to carry folks
over, he bought water and put 1t under
the bridges. He was an honest, con-
scienuOus, one eyed Teller, he was"
should think the water would run
down into the sand said Sim Per-
llins.
1T did" said Uncle Ashdod 'It run
down into the sand faster than he
could pour it out Of the pail He
bought cask water by the pail, first
off, because sold it cheaper than the
other kind. I only charged a hundred
you old robberr exclaimed Sim
Perkins
Business is business" said Uncle
AshdOd. Il raised my price when the
water begun to get low in the casks.
Before I was rid of one CaSk 1 had /
all the salt there was caked up. so Bid
dlecOme took half his men off bridge
work and set them to squeezin' the
salt out Of the ocean They sQuiz as
brisk as they could. but the caSk water
ri
faster than they could cake up salt to
buy more. I had all my end of the
island piled up with salt cakes and
the under bridge part of the desert |
was as dry as it ever was. Seemed |
like Biddlecome was fadin' away OF
disappointment"
If anybody was to ask me" said
Sim Perkins, I'D say the whole pack
and parcel of We was crazy"
You're liable to say anything some
days" said Uncle Ashdod Seemed
like Biddlecome was worryin' himself !
to death over that no water under
bridge business, and the price of water
EOin' I'D every minute or two. He
couldn't keep water under one bridge, |
let alone forty seven bridges. And 1 |
begun to get worried, too. Too much ,
TO much what" said Sim Per-
salt cakes, if it suits We better"
said Uncle AshdOd. Il got along all |
right whilst 1 was plain millionaire
but when I begun to be a multimilliOn-
aire I got worried. 1t was all right
when a Teller would come along and /
say Uncle Ashdod, here's a load of
salt cakes and 1 could say, All right !
son, dump en- in the cellar, and be
sure to shut the window when you get
done but when the whole end Of the
island was salt cakes, piled up noun
tain high, and more comm every min
ute. and nothin to see, or eat, or think
about but salt cakes and how to keep !
them from meItin' or bein stole, and
where to put the next six hundred and
forty loads, I begun to get worried. !
Every time 1 saw a feller buyin' a !
clam with a salt cake I worried be- |
cause. maybe he'd stole the cake from /
me A million tons of salt cakes is a |
big load for a man to carry"
see you lived through it, how |
said Sim Perkins.
Don't thank me; thank Biddle- |
come" said Uncle AshdOd. Il was on |
my way to be so rich I'd have all the /
salt in the world, and be hard 1
hearted, despised old curmudgeon. |
was on my way to havin' all the salt, /
and poor little kids wouldn't have any
to mt on their mush. i was gettin' so /
much salt that the ocean begun to /
taste sweet. I couldn't sleep nights |
for thinkin' where I'd put the next lot |
Of salt I was wearin' away, when all |
s--55ar TQfd11apor0a had ]