The Bottineau courant. (Bottineau, Bottineau County, N.D.) 1895-1929, 1914-08-21
An Important
Analysis
By EUNlCE BLAKE

We hear a great deal about happy
brides going to the altar. l have long
been u happy wife and the mother Of
children, but in my case, 80 far as my
feelings were concerned the word
should be halter instead Of altar. Sen
sitve women are liable to collapse on
the eve Of their marriage. And Why
not? Every n knows that marriage
is a lottery. But to say that m will
either draw a prize or q blank il alb
surd. One doesn't draw a blank in
the lottery Of MARRIAGE; it is either q
prize OF Tartarus.
confess that as 4 girl l was emo
tional, and l have now eradicated emo
ton from my nature. | had several
offers Of marriage and chose John as
the most desirab dc of the lot. l felt
every confidence in him. My only trou-
bic was that l didn't seem to feel any
different the day after l became ell
gagged to him than the day before.
There was a lot of emotion during the
middle day Of the three, but somehow
ished.
was frightened. What had l done?
Engaged myself to a man whom I did
not love? How could I have felt all
that lovingness-I use the word for
want Of a better-I experienced the
day John proposed to me and l accept
ed him? From the heavens l had
sunk to a bOttOmless pit. l would have
given the world to undo what | had
done. Why not undo it? Because
there was a sort of subconsciousness
in me that | was making a ninny OF
myself. How could l. who had re-
sponded to my lovers words and ca
resses one day. tell him the next that
l had made a prOdigious mistake?
Besides what assurance had l, should
l make this confession. that l would
not be as much cast down a day later
because I had broken the engagement!
had the good sense to keep away
from John for a couple Of days, at
Tic cuu VI WuICu llLuC L lCNONCICU
from my reaction and wondered at it.
Indeed. when l met my tiance again l
was back in that emotional condition
commonly called love. Love! In four
letters are described that which is the
foundation of the world. And yet when
we speak Of it between young persons
who are about to mat l think it would
better be called emotional insanity.
This is not real love. though l admit
it may be the beginning Of real love.
l soon recovered my equanimity and
sailed on smoothly for the four months
of my engagement. l was occupied
preparing my trousseau, and that kept
me from asking myself every few
minutes whether or no l was really in
love. l think If John had paid a bit
Of attention to another girl l should
have known quite definitely whether
l loved him or not. But he was not
that kind Of a fellow at all. He was
perfectly satisfied with me. and l con
cealed from him the fact that l was
constantly lighting doubts whether l
loved him we'll enough to marry him.
l remained in this condition Of men,
tai hesitancy till a few days before
the day appointed for the wedding;
then l had q terrible breakdown. 1
analysed my feelings thoroughly. and
the analysis was very unsatisfactory.
There is nothing SO incapable of analy-
sie al love unless 1t be a poem. But l
sonAn ~,hnt I cn~o&6oe0A a rvNnohov -
analyses, and every one proved more
c~onclusively than the preceding that l
was about to marry q man for whom I
had only friendship.
I resisted the temptation to tell him
so till l could withstand It no longer,
then sent for him. He saw the mo-
ment he looked at me that there was
something the matter.
"What is 1t. sweetheart" be asked
a%nxiously.
There was something in the word
sweetheart that threw me back on N.Y.
self as an engine reversed. But l felt
that what was troubling me must come
out.
II am very miserable"
That's singular. I'm very happy"
Il am afraid l don't love you we'll
enough to marry you"
He took my avOwal in a very un
l0verlike manner He should have
ground his teeth and tore his hair. He
did nothing Of the kind.
"A sort Of stage fright"
mo; I ! have long been in doubt. And
today I have analysed my feelings
and
In what laboratory did you do it,"
In the laboratory of introspection."
did you put your love into a test
tube?"
Il suppose that would express it
nguratively."
"Well. If it didn't turn out to be
love what did 1t turn out to be-"
II don't know"
1T doesn't matter to us since it isn't
love. I'll countermand the orders CIV
en- in preparation for the wedding. The
Yards are out. We can't recall them"
That's the most terrible thing about
it."