davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington herald., 1914-05-03

II am de trines OF life which put
man out de most When some one stole
my meul. furgot II in a week, but when
my dawg cum home one day wild his
tail chopped on i was miserable and un-
happy fur six months.
De world an either all right or all
wrong. It's accOrdin' to whether yo' get
the best of de Odder feller in tradin'
nevis.
Mankind likes to be trusted. but de
man who leaves his henhouse doah wide
open on a dark night am runnin trust
into temptashun.
/ hev known hundred pussons to in
terest deirseIves in a drunkard. an dey
had no sooner prevailed upon him TO sign
de pledge dan dey diskivered dat he was
better citizen when drunk dan when
sobber.
/ nebber yit found a man askin' fur
charity who couldn't figger out dat cherry
body but hisself was TO blame fur his
bein' hard up.
Nobody should hold enmity towards his
fellowmen, but IL dere am one man
above another kin nebber furgive it's
de pusson who raises my bid at an auc-
ton sale when I'm calkerlatin' to git Q
six-doIlar carpet for 90 cents.
Money doan' make de man, but ! hai
allus obsarved dat de pusson wild SIS in
The Washington herald., 1914-05-03
He Knew His Failing

When the street car conductor came
along and held out his hand for the fare
the man asked to be trusted for the
amount adding that he would pay next
day. He was told that the company did
not do business on that plan, and finally
forked over. Then he turned to the man
on his right and said:
I'm not blaming the conductor at all -"
No? But he seemed to doubt your
honesty" was tine reply.
And we'll he might. sir-well he might.
month ago l goes into Mccarthy $
saloon and says to him:
Mac, I'm in want OF a bottle OF beer
to take home with me. How much will
1t be?'
Seven cents, and you get two when the
bottle is returned
But I'll be sure to return it without
the extra two cents"
We'll, I takes the bottle home anc
drinks the contents and throws the dead
bird into a corner. Three weeks later
asks the old woman for the bottle,
meaning to return il to Mccarthy.
IT'S gone to the junk man along with
the paper-rags," she says, and SO, Of
course, l can't take 1t back.
II meets Mccarthy and he calls me a
robber. I meets Jimmy O'Brian and he
calls me a liar. meets Tommy Whalen
and he says I'm a thief. sits down and
thinks il over and decides that I'm a
dishonored man. and. therefore. I'm say
ing to YOU that / don't blame the con-
ductor at all. at all. II he had trusted
me for the nickel I'd have walked all
the rest OF the summer rather than pay
it to -hinY
The Washington herald., 1914-05-03

7 claimed Judge Hoke. Five champions
go forth TO sIay and come back Stayed!
Not winner among the lot.'
You wasn't welcomed with glad
shouts
Thar was no sounds of revelry.
"Thar's was no barl's of the long green
to open.
You came sneakin' back like FIVE
coyotes. knowing that you had forever
disgraced the town that sent you forth.
The humiliated citizens demand that
sunthin' be did
But We did our best answered the
FIVE in chorus.
'Mebbe you did: but you'd blowed and
bluffed around Sandy Bend till you'd
made us believe that you was champions.
Thar hain't money enough in Sandy Bend
this morning to buy a drink.
We can no longer claim a single emf
nent citizen. In every State in the Union
today children are asking:
Mother. whar' is Sandy Bend?'
And them mothers are replying:
Hush. child: thar is no such town no
more"
And in Gravel Flats the bands are
playing, the men shouting. and the wom-
en- and children singing glad songs.
"All the saloons are open and the drinks
are free
Real estate has jumped 80 per cent and
is still soaring.
"They are already talking Of a monster
Fourth Of July with Bryan as orator.
They are to have eighteen new sa-
looms and poker parlors as fast as they
can be built.
They are talking of ice cream parlors,
piano-player, and Sunday schools!"
THE next breeze that sweeps up the
river will bring us tiding that they are
dancing the tango and the turkey trot."
And who is to blame for this state
of affairs?"
The ive prisoners at the bari" was
shouted by all the crowd
You can't say any other way re-
piled His Honor
but we've done nothing -agin the
law" said the prisoners
mo, hain't saying you have. but
this ere court is a court of iestice as
well as law. Sometimes II deals out
law. and sometimes it deals out jestice.
This are one Of the times when jestios
The Washington herald., 1914-05-03

his pocket gifts a better view OF a daxs
'leben cents.
Ebery man spends a good portion Of
his time figgern' out how best TO do
things. and no sooner am dey done dan
he uses up another portion in Iamentin'
dat he didn't try some other way.
I used TO believe dat ambition could
conquer cherry difficulty. but / was finally
fo'ced 10 see dat de higher I made nv
woodpile de easier it was fur my nay
bors to git at It.
Oar was a period of fo'teen vars
when l couldn't igger out whether I
had livin' relative on airth or not
Den l drawed $500 in a lottery. and
widin a week 1 had letters from ober
sixty cousins. who war mighty per-
ticular to inquire about my health.
have found men who would glib
half a dollar to a crippled child and
women who would shed tears ober
sparrer wild a broken leg. but when
wanted to tie up to sentiment I allus
looked around fur a man who would
continer to feed and pet his old dawg
arter de animal had lost his teeth and
gone blind
Oar am occashuns when my naybor
on de right draps in and denies dat
Moses was hid in de bulrushes. but l
don't git mad and waste my breath
ober 1t. know II won't be three days
befo' my naybor on de left will drap
in and declar' dat deir was two Danls
in de lions den. All things will cum
out eben II yo' only wait fur EN-
The Washington herald., 1914-05-03
"Blunedr"
Crushed"
"Disgraced"
anfshonoradp

Crushed
''Disgraced"'
''Dishonored"
Judge Hoke, of Sandy Bend, made use
II the above words as he opened court,
and each sentence brought a groan from
the spectators
The courtroom was crowded to its ut
most capacity. and the Cinnamon. half
breed, and dogs had been turned out to
look through the open doors and windows.
Fellow Countrymen," began His Honor
in a voice shaken with emotion, where
Is Sandy Bend? Many of you can answer
that it is located in the glorious State
Of Wyoming, U. s.. and that ii has the
best climate. best water, the biggest bluff
ters, and the greatest poker players in
the known world. You could have an
swered that way at daylight yesterday
morning, but now can you answer now?'
His Honor bowed his-head to the desk
Tor moment, and when he raised II
there were tears in his eyes.
There is no Sandy Bend any more."
mo more climate!''
NO more bluffr'
NO more poker."
you will look in vain in Which is
which, to find one of our eminent citi-
tens mentioned,
up to yesterday thar was whoppIn
and yellin' and steppin' high. and we
Ras shootin' the boot-heels from under
.ender-feet and piayin' games of poker
with the sky for a limit.
''Whar are we today? Whsr! Wharf,
There was intense stiffness in the room
while His Honor wiped the tears from
his eyes. It was a couple Of minutes be-
fore he could resume, and then his voice
had a cuaver:
The town of Gravel Flats. nine miles
below US has been blowing ana Dragging
and blufiing for three years past as to
what some town It was. We have passed
al the noise by with dignity. Sandy
The Washington herald., 1914-05-03

cho Bill to take his hoss over thar and
gather in their shekels.
I'VE made up a third purse for Coyote
Jim to take his fighting dog over thar
and win all bets.
THE fourth purse was for Lightning
Abe. who is some runner. 1t was cal
culated that he could give their champion
three rods in fifty and then beat him.
THE fifth and last purse was for
Scrapper Joe, who felt sure Of victory
over their man in two rounds.
I'VE raked and scraped the last dollar
to be dug up in Sandy. Bend, and we
went over thar with pockets bulg1ng
and glad songs on our lips. The sun
was shining. tine birds singing, and we
felt that 1t was good to be alive
I'VE chuckled.
I'VE patted each other on the back.
We fapped our wings and crcwed.
We left behind us them who was going
to meet US and greet MS when We return
ed with five championships and five bar Is
of the long green. Thar was to be sounds
of revelry in Sand Bend. and them sounds
was to echo to the mountains and to con-
tinue until the sun rose agin. We will
now take an intermission OF three MIN
utes TO struggle with our feelings.
When the intermission was over His
Honor resumed:
SLIPPERY Tom, as the first prisoner At
the bar, lemme ask you how much money
you brung back from Gravel Flats"
mot a darned cent, your honor"
"And why?'
"Bekase 1 held four aces and their man
q straight hush!"
"Broncho Bill, you are next Did your
hoss win?"
"-Jot q win. Your Honor!'
But why?'
Didn't have the legs to do it,
"And Coyote Jim, what about that
hghtin' dog Of yours that had chawed up
so many mountain iions?'
Licked In two minutes, Your Honori"
"And Lightning Abe. what about them
three rods in fifty you could give their
man and then beat him?"
ut was the other way round, Your
Honor"
''Scrapper Joe. you was to knock the
Gravel Flats man stiff In one punch"
Yes, sir; but he got to my jaw first
"oh. the shame Of IT," bitterly az
The Washington herald., 1914-05-03
Mr.. BOWSER'S MEMORANDA
He Jots Down Things To Live In History

doctor attended him can't exactly un-
derstand how you saw him wink at an
other man. Did one of the goggles
wink?"
None of your business! II you take
comfort in being an idiot go ahead in IL.
know the value of these notes and shall
keep them up. For instance, when !
came home this evening"
'Weu?' queried Mrs. Bowser as he
waited.
"a suspicious looking person was
hanging over Browne gate. He was
short and squat. He was run down at
the heels Suppose Brown Is murdered
in his bed tonight md the house robbed?
My notes will furnish clew to the
police. and within twenty-four hours the
murderer Is arrested"
Mrs Bowser was convinced that the
suspicious person was a man who had
been beating carpets for the Browns all
the afternoon. but she didn't say SO. and
Mr. Bowser continued:
Since we nave been sitting here this
evening / have heard and made notes of
two fire alarms. one ambulance call. a
cry OF seeming distress and the bowling
Of a dog They may not prove Of value
and yet they may bring criminal TO
Justice"
And you won't fix your toe this even
ing?" she asked as he walked around.
Mr.. Bowser halted to bestow a look
of contempt Ipun her and then started
down stairs TO have a look at the fur
mace in .he cellar. He was thinking of
future history ~ he descended and pres
entity turned cad over heels, with a yell.
and brought p on the cellar bottom. Mrs.
Bowser hurried down TO find him sitting
up in a daze. and after she had felt of
the bump on his head and ascertained
that neither arm nor leg was broken she
said
Friday evening: Have seen nothing
Of the man with the goggles or the man
with the dog. but in descending my cell
lar stairs l engaged in a circus perform
The Washington herald., 1914-05-03

II believe she isn't going to make
any this spring." 1bbed the deacon.
What! Not make soft soap! She sure
ly must try that new recipe"
UNI"
And as am going as far as the store,
anyway, might as wen go aiong to the
house"
Yes? Mrs. Dolby may be taking her
nap"
Then I shall wake her up. know what
trouble she has had to get a good soft
soap"
The deacon said things to himself as
he passed on, aud he hoped he might get
home before -Irs. Haskell arrived on her
soapy errand. II was not to be. He had
to call at four different places before
he could find the desired squash seeds,
and when ne ct home he had been gone
three long hours.
No Mrs. Dolby in sight
The cat sat on the kitchen steps, and
she seemed to have been weeping and to
look at him reproachfully.
On the kitchen table was a note that
read
7 am going u hang myself. You will
find my dead body in the BARN"
''Humph"' said the deacon as he walked
away TO the garden and began to plant
his seeds.
The barn was only a few rods away,
but he never looked at it
Mrs. Dolbys dead body at the end of a
rope was swaying back and forth in the
breeze, but he didn't seem TO care q
darn.
1t looked like rain, and all his interest
in life was centered in the getting of
those seeds under ground before the
shower came. He beat the wet by two
minutes, and then entered the house to
get himself some supper.
The Washington herald., 1914-05-03

watched outside while the goggled-eyed
man sneaked in and drove the dagger
to the poor baby's heart.
Mr.. Bowser glared at her for a minute,
and his hair could be heard curling. but
with a powerful effort he held on to
himself and continued:
"Thursday-Arose as usual. Thermo-
meter stood at 45 degrees above. Usual
slip-slop breakfast. Had scarcely left
the house when l encountered the fur
tive looking man again. He had dis
guIsed himself. but I knew him at once.
His dog was not following him.
THE poor animal had probably got
tired out" said Mrs. Bowser who want
ed to get even for the ''slip-slop break
fast"
your case will be attended to later on.
and / will now read the rest: Had scarce
ly taken the street car when I saw the
man with the goggles. He was greatly
perturbed. and II was evident that my
presence upset him. / saw a wink pass
between him and a man with a wart on
his chin. Goggles left the car by the
front door while l was arguing with a
man who had stepped on my toes. but
can give the police his description. Ar
rived home at the usual hour. Mrs.
Bowser and the cat in the hall to well
come me-"
rs that all for Thursday" asked Mrs
Bowser, as he paused.
Yes"
why didn't you add that you kicked
the front door open when you arrived.
and that you told Mrs. Bowser you'd
bring up in the poorhOuse because you
found a broken clothespin at the gate?''
by thunder, woman. you are going
too far, too far he shouted as he rose
up. 'If I sat down here to read a
chapter from the Bible. you'd manage
to turn II to ridicule. You seem to have
less and less sense as time passes"
81 was 'ust wondering what the future
historian would find in your notes to
make history on, she quietly replied.
The Washington herald., 1914-05-03

Bowser. but didn't carry out the gigantic
enterprise.
She sat reading. and. Of course. she
realized that he wanted to be asked why
he was acting like an old hen that wanted
to find a spot to lay an egg. but she was
in no hurry. It was not until he produced
a memoranda book and began writing on
its pages that she carelessly observed:
You seem to have got a new idea.
What Is il you have been writing in that
book for the last three nightsr
Perhaps / can make you understand"
he replied after the lapse of two or three
minutes. Can you remember what hap
pened to you at 10 o'clock in the forenoon
day before yesterday"
Nothing happened"
That is, the house didn't catch fire or
any one attempt to murder you, but
nevertheless things may have happened
to send a man to State prison or clear
him OF a grave charge. The gravest
cases sometimes turn upon the merest
trifes. The life OF a man in St Louis
was saved the other day because a wom-
an remembered seeing him in an alley
at a certain hour"
And so you are jotting down things
to save human life?" she queried.
1T may be. At any rate. l have set
out to jot down most of the happenings
Of each day. and no one can say what
results may follow. History may be
made of my memoranda"
Il think you are wasting time over
II. II you have an hour to spare you
had better work at that ingrowing toe
nail of yours
Heavens, woman, must you always
lug sore heels. toe nails and porous
plasters into a conversation" shouted
Mr.. Bowser as a rich red color showed
In his face.
But you are complaining OF your toe"
she protested.
That may be. but don't mingle toes
and brains. But for the diaries and men,
orandum books left behind by the peo-
pie of the past where would our his
torians have secured their material?'
And what have you Jotted down thus
far for the benefit of future history"
Nothing of much account, but l have
been at work only three days. l think
my jotting might help to unravel few
mysteries, however. l will read you
what have written:
"wednesday-Arose at the usual hour.
Looked out OF the window and saw a
man passing along. followed by a dog.
Man had a disreputable appearance and
furtive look. Usual breakfast. Left
the house at the usual hour. Saw a
man on the street car with blue goggles
on. He seemed anxious TO escape obser-
walton. Wonder IL there is any connec-
tion between him and the man with the
dog?'
Il think there is replied Mrs. Bow
ser. II think the man with the dog
The Washington herald., 1914-05-03

has the bulge. can't fine you nor
send you to Jail. but l can sentence
you to walk out doors and keep walking!
Boys, get out and get ready for em"'
Two hundred men formed in double
line and the prisoners marched out. Ev-
cry man of the 200 had a right leg with
boot on II, and the leg swung and
the boot hit something soft
Sandy Bend may in time recover its
lost glory, but none of its five ex-cham-
pions will ever return to see.
The Washington herald., 1914-05-03

How can We tell that the man with
the dog is not a red-handed anarchist
plot'i-~ against the life of the mayor?
II so, my notes will convict him"
Il thini he works in livery stable
down the street. and l have seen him and
his dog a hundred times
But the man with the goggles? Sup
pose he is a seditionist,''
''Oh, the man with the goggles lives
on the next block, and he got red pepper
in his eyes two weeks ago. Our own
The Washington herald., 1914-05-03

ance for the benefit Of future historian
Was assisted up stairs by my wife. the
cook and the cat No change in the
system OF government on my account.
Come. Mr.. BowsCr.'
He got up slowly and painfully. and
with many a sigh, and leaning against
the wall. he pointed his finger at her
and tried to express his feelings in fit
ting language, but all ne could get out
was:
'Wo-woman. by th-thunder-"
The Washington herald., 1914-05-03

keeping you from an important engage
ment.
WAL. I'm sorter dry" chuckled the
human cyclone, pocketing the dollar and
preparing to go, AN come to think o: it.
I've got a date to shoot a fool cuss two
blocks from yere. Day to ye, pard. When
I meets a man o. Judgment like yerselt
I allus like to have a long social chat
with him. Day to ye."
The Washington herald., 1914-05-03

Mr.. Bowser threw away the stub Of his
cigar.
He scowled at the cat
He got up and walked back and forth.
He looked out OF the window into tire
back yard.
Then he seemed about tn address Mrs.
The Washington herald., 1914-05-03
SANDY BEND JUSTICE
1t Is Mostly Administered with the Aid of Boot

Bend has calmly pursued its way and
never needed the bluster of the infant
The other day. however. she had to
heed. A delegation appointed by the town
The Washington herald., 1914-05-03

I started out in life wild de idea dat
big words was de equal OF knowledge.
but didn't keep II up long. I wanted to
show my gratitude to a white man who
had done me a favor, an I observed TO
him dat de consanguinity Of de articula-
shun would bombacticus de previosity at
de earliest dIsconvenience. De man
thought / was callin' him a liar an a
swindler. an arter bein' knocked into de
middle of next week I went out o de big
word dizziness.
The Washington herald., 1914-05-03

believe in dreams an signs an tokens
up to sartin' pint Dat pint am reach
ed when know dat de landlord am COM
in around next day arter de rent. an
when de ole woman informs me dat de
-four bar'l am empty. an de coal won't
last but a day longer. den I cease to
dream an begin to hustle.
Der Deutsche correspondent. [volume] (Baltimore, Md.) 1841-1918, 1914-12-18


Die 9eadeu 1aben ben gr5Ften Sicg i'm biSbergen Scr
anfc 6es Grieses errungeu 0ie geueanng 9n
len seeeu Saleen uuo &on 1T S6lig uiammsneebroden.
G rO9c annOe briueeH bic setrieeu o5ielen @eOnneen
DOn SeTIu un6 a8icn Der Jerreddc Oeneralob ertart
ban Die 9niH auf Der gaascn 6ruut il @a5en nnO IN D
len i'm uoaen SiHd5nee 6csriffen fub Die Sent6 SleGS-
BanptiaOt Int weoer nma 6aggnidmnd angeeat Sn Scr
ScD6lferuns Brrit aren5HlOier Gniuasmns Dali Die ut
deOeuo gSuonue i'm Often 10 dne0 coecu urOe, fam ais
cine ber aeS Gruarn freuoise Ie6erradnug 6ete blei.
ben sur 6e beS gepat9en Sramp6e5 ale SdnIen i'm o-
dca 9leide geIAoien. &eraer 3eitnngen pergden bic
Sdudt in %oeu i6rer @eoennue ua nit Der bei gep8g
Snlnmis
gndj in gSeten laft id bic Sadlaee gGuihg on. Die
9ctifcn aben bem 8erd 6eS Ocntiden Weneraobes 5u-
oee bic 9ugre Der 5rausoieR bel @pprt bei 3ae6edc
nuS Sa @aiee 5urhd seAaacn nnO linen enpfinbld Ser.
nle 6ese6radt Sic ba6en irar56ide %eridan5nngeH bel
96eims genOmmeu.
Der fbHe gIngriif Der ontideu ricgSdffe anf 0e britt
de Sate bat in gau5 GualaHo rei9e Seitdrnag gui
rrgung brOpraernen, bic and in ocu INN eugher Scitc
ummeHOcn %edten Iedt berbebt miro Eic cine 2Ou.
0pnr 2epdc moet muroa 5pei Der brtIdeu ariegsdfie
mede bic &erioaung Der Sratidn Sdi anfnaBme, Onrh
Die oentiAen @edOie beidaoat Die 3a6l Der Cpfer oes
eberfals wiro nai 0 SoOte eun 400 @eruuoetc
acgebcn. Die Ocndc &rec Olt Ou ucneten fabnH 0anO-
itreid Ocr Scnti@cH Tluc mtGniaitAc AuerieHuHna.
Der Deutsche correspondent. [volume] (Baltimore, Md.) 1841-1918, 1914-12-18

Gic 9luiien on Dem 5hdie @5urea
iino iebt Dollig miiocrie6en.
@c0ro6t onrd iuiereu 9ormaridl
ourd bic aorpat6en bonn Siioen Der
begauu Der 6eino eineu olloenieinen
&iid5ua, ocn er Jest oiIrd energiideu
@ioeritano in Der @egeno Dor Den
Garpot6eu 81 oedcn iudt
llniere Srnppen greiien alii Der 2is
nie 05roOuo-3 3oflic5Dn an.
Gntlon9 ben auoereu 1bcilen Der
5roHt rat sic @eriolauug ocs 6eins
ocs begonnen.
Der Deutsche correspondent. [volume] (Baltimore, Md.) 1841-1918, 1914-12-18
aie aSirfunaen Seutiaen alnsriffs ouf GnolanO.
Igier cnaItIac s9ine snra gIInc scrn5rt.
alsa0stsn als osi.tiass grstst.srat srtlart.


SerIiu H. Gesember. Bonn bentfem IrmeeSanptqnarter
iuArc 6ente sic uadJieGeube GrtIatuna crlaiien:
pyetern etu Die 6rau5Ou lire Ansr 6e @ienpOr iOrt
OOd U6ne Gog gc 3aebedc Mno ga Sai pevndsm bic 6ran
sDim meree AA0EiI p6e 5ArhG Gosu wArben uHe per eub
idruere TcrIntc crIit
Die Nmsi6rmng Oee @laues Der 6rauO bel SoiOuS Bride
Hber Die Nsne 8n bn8en wurOe bud nnere gae Sereit
6run0Fidc Gme in Der @sgcub 6la G5cims wnrOe
ruera Sriaee seris6st.
@antige Sege in Sfca.
Bon Der Of nn6 DetprnHida @rnsc lit udtS Wecs 6erid
ten. S rfae CenVD.Sauenag StlcTc uu6 @OiH III
DSae Buanmcn aerOdu Su @Oln wnrbe Der 6u6 uad bnecn
nnO BrnddseH S9adn nn Der enic duee
gen; wrO Hberaa non unicren Sruppen Dcriulgt
gSG6reu6 Der @6mp in DrO%oiea sshen oeu norG
ge6Ocn Snseu mir bird bic Saperlet pnhidBf
ida Gesimcnter as Nmops eiucu Sies. Die @rfnug Ories
SigsS aht id sur 3it nod n6t a6iaatsu"
Der Deutsche correspondent. [volume] (Baltimore, Md.) 1841-1918, 1914-12-18

3mci 6ritiidc ariegsidifie, peI6e
oeutisbc areil8er ocrfoIatcn be.
ihaoiat 5uriIdeete6rt. 8dbl
Der 0pier in SartIepooI 80, III
Scarborough IL nuo in gbitb0
.. ssas oie 9erliuer 8reiie
Der Deutsche correspondent. [volume] (Baltimore, Md.) 1841-1918, 1914-12-18
9ie 9}nilen in GjnlBien nu0 9}olen Qnf
oer 9agen 8ront ouf Oem 9}iif3nge.

0eiierreid ioll oas Shulidiif
u a9eet6opcn" perloreu baben. Sails
oanelbe 3ilr 8eit 5u glusbilouuas.
3nedef benubt muroe, 0iiriten ib
n1inoelteus 3ueibrnOort aaoetten an
@oro beiinoeu babet
3pei eHolifdle@riegS-
diffe bci6doigt