Ceredo advance. [volume] (Ceredo, W. Va.) 1885-1939, 1914-02-11
Who Is the Mother of fUncle
Sam?

Mr.. Edltor:-Since you called st
our office the other day we have be-
come a fulliedged politicias, aud
in the tirst place We are going TO
dive in aud make q eugeuic out of
Uncle Sam. But We want to see
who Uncle Sam Is aud whence he
came.
Our records show that George
Washington was his father, aud We
do not question Mr.. Washingtop's
ancestry, but We will see who our
dear old Uncle had for a mother
that is the question. We know that
Uncle Sans first name or the name
his mother gave him was United
States; and we find his mothers
maiden name was United We Stand.
and her mothers msIden name was
One of Many, but we cannot find
who her mother really was. THAT
is the puzzle.) But her fathers name
was K. Pluribusunum.
Well, old K. Puribus is an awful
busy man aud very old one, too,
at that. HIS birthplace was in
France.
Now, Mr.. Editor, we expect to
come as near making a eugenic out
of Uncle Sam as those other fakirs
will make the human race a eugeH.
lc. All that we want to know is
what eugenic must really look like.
Yon know all the pretty girls think
that the Angels IN Heaven look like
they do; and some of us who are
wearing male attire try to immItate
the looks of Christ by the cut of our
beard. Therefore we do not pro-
pose to immitate in anything politi-
cal. This politics must be the real
thing or nothing. That is why we
are diving In.
We find In our research that
Uncle Sam has and has had many,
many wives and children. Some of
his most sorry children are named
Graft; and the Graft family is too
tedious for Us TO take up while we
are undertaking to purify Uncle
Samuel and make a thoroughbred
eugenic out Of him, which fact we
are sure to accomplish. And why2
Simply because Uncle Sam is not as
old as Nature, and we do not have
to go back to Adam to begin to ABB
stract, like your friend that is try
ing to eugenic mankind. He is
aware that Adam began this care
less way of living not over 5000
years ago, and it has been kept up
in all states, except Virginia. She
has been as near eugenic as the past
could have been made before our
eugenic fools were born. She gave
us the father of Uncle Sam and kept
q watchful eye on Us, and when it
became necessary she gave US q step
father. Our last step father donat-
ed by old Mrs. Virginia was Wood
row, and our private opinion of this
is that be IS an awful actor and
something of q selfmsde euEenic.
We see the last act he did was to
unload into a helpless nation q lot
of old rusty firearms, something we
could not use and something that
the party he gave them to will be 30
careless in their use that some one
will be killed before hey learn how
to handle them. Mr.. Woodrow
will then regret it because he did
not send some of Uncle Samuel's
experts over to train those people
how to handle that precious gift
the gun.
Mr.. Editor, We find, as all other
eugenic fanatics do, that we have
great field before ne 70 work on.
But we are not amateurs in politics.
We bad one spell Of the same dis
ease good many years ago, and
we're boosted mp by ourselves) un-
I'll we we're elected, yes elected, to
a-political convention. In those
days we did not have street cars or