davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Hays free press. [volume] (Hays, Kan.) 1908-1924, 1914-02-07

The only time dead one" seems
ito be popular is just before pay day"
when the good fellows come around
ito borrow money from him.
The Hays free press. [volume] (Hays, Kan.) 1908-1924, 1914-02-07
LIVING un TO Theory.

HE never spanks his son, does he@"
no, he's an efficiency crank
What's that got to do with it ?"
He says the upward stroke is lost
motion ''-HoustOn Post
The Hays free press. [volume] (Hays, Kan.) 1908-1924, 1914-02-07

Nine billions for our farm products.
But our enthusiasm is tempered By
the knowledge that we will have to
pay most of them.
The Hays free press. [volume] (Hays, Kan.) 1908-1924, 1914-02-07
MAY Promote General Funston.

WASHINGTON, D. C.-The possibility
Of Brig. Gen. Frederick Funston be-
ing appointed chief of the army staf
upon the retirement of General
Wood is being much discussed in army
circles here.
The Hays free press. [volume] (Hays, Kan.) 1908-1924, 1914-02-07

When you weigh other people in
your own scales, you should remem
Der that you are going to be weighed
in their scales.
The Hays free press. [volume] (Hays, Kan.) 1908-1924, 1914-02-07

silt skirts are going out Of style"
Perhaps it will be no more than pru.
dent for mere man to lock up his ex-
ira pair of trousers.
The Hays free press. [volume] (Hays, Kan.) 1908-1924, 1914-02-07

At that there are so-caIled men who
would embrace. the washington gom
ans suggestion and wear sfashed
trousers and purple socks.
The Hays free press. [volume] (Hays, Kan.) 1908-1924, 1914-02-07

kissing aids diphtheria. says med
Neal authority. Which gives diphthe-
ria an advantage that can't be over
Icome.
The Hays free press. [volume] (Hays, Kan.) 1908-1924, 1914-02-07
Harder to eet Inc the U. S.

Washington. D. C--More immi-
grants are being debarred from this
country than last year, according TO
figures by the bureau OF immigration
just made public.
The Hays free press. [volume] (Hays, Kan.) 1908-1924, 1914-02-07

Anyway, If Connie Mack should de.
eide to retire, he has enough pennants
to enable him to go into the sofa pill
low business.
The Hays free press. [volume] (Hays, Kan.) 1908-1924, 1914-02-07

It is probably correct that France
gets an annual income Of s1o5, 000, 900
sout of the tobacco monopoly. Cons1d
,ering what the people have to smoke,
lit should be at least sos. 0O0, 900.
The Hays free press. [volume] (Hays, Kan.) 1908-1924, 1914-02-07

By the time all the cities have
lbarred the tango another dance even
imore exciting viii be ready to be
istaged.
The Hays free press. [volume] (Hays, Kan.) 1908-1924, 1914-02-07

A duel between two Roman deputies
ended in kisses. Expressions of es-
teen for each others Workmanship?
The Hays free press. [volume] (Hays, Kan.) 1908-1924, 1914-02-07

Nevertheless the lady whose hus-
hand put toads in the bed might get
'even by coming back with both feet.
The Hays free press. [volume] (Hays, Kan.) 1908-1924, 1914-02-07

The world would be much better If
people could learn that most of the
things they worry about never happen.
The Hays free press. [volume] (Hays, Kan.) 1908-1924, 1914-02-07

Mona Lisa is going to Rene. She
could come over here and go into
vaudeville any time at big money.
The Hays free press. [volume] (Hays, Kan.) 1908-1924, 1914-02-07

How a woman's heart does furer
when the pastor tells her that he
missed seeing her at church.
The Hays free press. [volume] (Hays, Kan.) 1908-1924, 1914-02-07

What has become of the old fash
toned grocer VINO gave thirteen eggs
to the dozen?
The Hays free press. [volume] (Hays, Kan.) 1908-1924, 1914-02-07

London is a little ahead of New York
IN the matter of population, but New
York has a strong lead in automobile
accidents.
The Hays free press. [volume] (Hays, Kan.) 1908-1924, 1914-02-07

4 woman means to whittier a man
when she calls him fresh.
The Hays free press. [volume] (Hays, Kan.) 1908-1924, 1914-02-07

We shall never kill another roach:
the dictionary says they destroy the
cimex lectularis.
The Hays free press. [volume] (Hays, Kan.) 1908-1924, 1914-02-07

When Luther Burbank develops the
Cdorless onion he might try his hand
on silent celery.
The Hays free press. [volume] (Hays, Kan.) 1908-1924, 1914-02-07

Our private idea of a super-man is
a reporter who never wrote that Tom,
sDick or Harry had sued his wife for
divorce"
The Hays free press. [volume] (Hays, Kan.) 1908-1924, 1914-02-07

Society girls in New York are warn
ed to beware of the cigarette slump"
and 1.-The debutante crouch Hurts
health.
The Hays free press. [volume] (Hays, Kan.) 1908-1924, 1914-02-07
Misunde rStood.

GeTman-Vat 1 can do, 1 Will do
Wag-Here, we've had enough CT
that vatican controversy
The Hays free press. [volume] (Hays, Kan.) 1908-1924, 1914-02-07

Constipation causes and aggravates many
serious diseases II Is thoroughly cured by
Dr. Pierce's Pleasant Pellets The faYoTite
family laxative Adv.
The Hays free press. [volume] (Hays, Kan.) 1908-1924, 1914-02-07

The new Chinese minister to Wash
1ngton is Shai-Kia-Fou. Sounds like I
college yell.
The Hays free press. [volume] (Hays, Kan.) 1908-1924, 1914-02-07

Very few Quarrels or misunderstood
1ngs are fixed up satisfactorily By
means OF a revolver.
The Hays free press. [volume] (Hays, Kan.) 1908-1924, 1914-02-07

It is announced there is No peanut
trust. Thanks be.
The Hays free press. [volume] (Hays, Kan.) 1908-1924, 1914-02-07

Hetty Green says eating onions is
the secret of health, but one can't
keep eating onions a secret.
The Hays free press. [volume] (Hays, Kan.) 1908-1924, 1914-02-07

mer pastime to a course of physical
culture.
The Hays free press. [volume] (Hays, Kan.) 1908-1924, 1914-02-07

Putnam Fadeless Dyes are the
brightest and fastest Adv.
The Hays free press. [volume] (Hays, Kan.) 1908-1924, 1914-02-07

The Japanese author who has just
completed a 10Q-volume novel did not
get a dollar word for it.
The Hays free press. [volume] (Hays, Kan.) 1908-1924, 1914-02-07

Nearly every man is willing 10 do
his duty-as he sees it
The Hays free press. [volume] (Hays, Kan.) 1908-1924, 1914-02-07

Mona Lisa recovered seems to be
worth less than Leonardo Ga Vincis
masterpiece stolen.
The Hays free press. [volume] (Hays, Kan.) 1908-1924, 1914-02-07

Where there is will there is gen
orally way to break ii.
The Hays free press. [volume] (Hays, Kan.) 1908-1924, 1914-02-07

Fly swatting is no legitimate winter
sport.
The Hays free press. [volume] (Hays, Kan.) 1908-1924, 1914-02-07
Only One "BROMO QUININEY

That Is LAXATIVE BRONO QUININR Look fer
the signature OF & W GROVE Cures Cod il O1e
Lay, Cares Grip Two Days Sc
The Hays free press. [volume] (Hays, Kan.) 1908-1924, 1914-02-07

A man never knows the truth about
himself until he gets married.
The Hays free press. [volume] (Hays, Kan.) 1908-1924, 1914-02-07

AN slick men are not polished.
The Hays free press. [volume] (Hays, Kan.) 1908-1924, 1914-02-07

Under England's cat and mouse act
the mouse seems always to get away.
The Hays free press. [volume] (Hays, Kan.) 1908-1924, 1914-02-07

A man will do anything once. Start
ing to keep diary, for instance
The Hays free press. [volume] (Hays, Kan.) 1908-1924, 1914-02-07

The doctors who cure obesity just
live of the fat of the land.
The Topeka state journal., 1914-02-11
Had to Listen.

The late A. l. Williams. general at
torney for the Union Pacific railway.
was once on trip with a party Of
friends in a private car, and while in
Denver one of the party, a man of
convivial habits. came in the car late
one night and found Mr.. Williams
playing solitaire. The convivial one
was enough under the influence of
liquor to be talkative, and proceeded
to tell Mr.. Williams a long story of his
domestic unhappiness
The next morning. when sober, he
mentioned the fact that he had talked
too much the night before, and re-
Quested that anything he might have
said would not be repeated. Mr.. Will
liams. in order to relieve the mans
embarrassment, said:
That's all right; never listened to
you. and have no idea what you said. ''
That night the man returned in the
same condition. Looking sternly at Mr.
Williams, he said:
Now, durn you. you said you didn't
listen to me last night. SO I'm going to
tell you the whole story again and
you've got to listen.-London Tit-Bits
The Topeka state journal., 1914-02-11
Jayhawker Jots

There IL one great difficulty with
the people who borrow money. ex-
plains the Garden City Telegram. They
never know whom to pay It back to.
People are heard bowling about
hygiene, remarks Mrs. Tom Thomp-
son in the Howard CourAnt, who
should give q daily bath and clean
clothes further trial.
Some Of these times. thinks the Neo-
desha Register, a real reformer will
suggest that when a man holding one
office becomes a candidate for another
and proceeds to abandon the duties of
the office he has in order to make q
campaign for the office he wants, the
honest thing for him to do is to resign
and let the salary go to some man
who can be put in the place and do
the work.
a number of years gathered the hedge
balls in the fall and scattered them
out on q high spot of ground to avoid
as much moisture as possible SO they
would dry out instead of rotting. BY
the following fall the balls would be
dry and hard. and make the finest
kind Of fuel, giving out much heat
and burning for a considerable time.
Others have tried the experiment and
are pleased with the results. This is
not generally known among the far
mers, whose hedges are often filled
with balls. and they can be put to this
use until science finds a more valuable
means for their use.-Baxter Springs
News.
The Topeka state journal., 1914-02-11
Globe Sights
-- rvxu, A~0rYYa0%y ~r on~

Cheese with holes in It costs more.
What has become Of the algebra you
once learned?
People never know where on earth they
caught their colds.
The man who has to grin and bear 1t
doesn't grin very cheerfully.
AS a rule, Dismal Failure is apt to
blame everyone but himself.
We have always felt that we would hate
to be shot by a veiled woman.
Gold bricks come in divers packages.
and most Of us invest from time to time.
Every town hopes some day to have a
convention hall, whether 1t needs it or
not.
There is something the matter with a
man who handles horses, and doesn't like
them.
A newspaper is always supposed to add
that a good time was had at church
social.
Considerable handwriting il illegible
which lacks the saving grace of being
swell"
There is such a thing as getting the
frost shade too heavy on the distin-
guished pumpkin.
These are the joyous days which recon-
cile q man to the tedious monotony of an
indoor job.
There are also a large number of white
slaves who wouldn't welcome an emanci-
patton proclamation.
The Topeka state journal., 1914-02-11

the stoclkyards seeking q blind doom.
Hello. Bruce. Back again ?"
Just leaving" said Bruce. pleas
antly. You'd better hurry up to
Wanda's. and tell her 30 she'll have
time to get one Of the other girls to
act as maid of honor. Anne's going
west.''
"Oh. Bruce" Anne began, quickly,
but Bruce's hand closed over hers and
she stopped. K
But it's after one now" Tod
gasped. you look as II you were
going to elope.'
I'VE are. old man. we are" smiled
back Bruce. Going to be married
in Jersey In about half an hour, and
catch q limited that won't stop until
1t hits the shoulder of the Rockies. I
was on my way out to Nevada when
l stumbled over Anne's suitcases. and
thought they'd better go along"
you must have come in on the up
per level" Tod said to Anne. III I
hadn't missed you you'd have been
all right"
Anne raised her lashes laughingly.
I'm rather glad you did. Tod
Copyrighted 1914 by the Mcclure
Newspaper Syndicate.)
The Topeka state journal., 1914-02-11
POINTED PARAGRAPHS.

IFrom the Chicago News.1
Not all men of single ideas are bach
elors.
Generating hot air Is easier than getting
up steam.
It is better to be on pleasure bent than
on duty broke.
Some peoples only aim in life seems to
be to throw mud.
"A smart woman can learn things from
a man that he doesn't even know.
Ono can lead double lie on q single
salary. but it IL a lot Of trouble.
multitude OF sins show through the
charity that IL supposed to cover them.
Wisdom Of the man who knows II all
Is valuable. but so is the hole in a dough-
nut.
Some people would cry over spilled milk
even IL they don't like milk in any form.
A reformer never believes in himself as
much as he wants others to believe In
him.
Some men try to hide their light under
a bushel. while some others make q fire.
works display.
If we were permitted to choose our
neighbors they would probably turn out
just as unsatisfactory.
It sometimes happens that the spinster
who says she 10 glad Of it, IS able to
make everybody believe It but herself.
1t has been said that women never love
as deeply as meu-probably because there
is SO little to furnish the Inspiration.
The Topeka state journal., 1914-02-11
QUAKER sIEDrrAIIONs.

[From the Philadelphia Record.J
No, Maude, dear; q lone widow isn't al
ways alone.
The man who has no imagination seldom
falls in love.
Even the egotist may have the wool
pulled over his rs.
Many a man wastes hds time telling 9TH
er people not to waste thefrs.
The only time some people get busy Il
when they meddle with things that don't
concern them.
She-'I suppose that is why she 10 often
takes . man seriously
Quantity doesn't always count. A little
load Of flowers to the dead.
You never can tell. The size OF the
family Bible doesn't always indicate the
amount of religion there ID in the family
Tommy-"Pop. what are magnifying
glasses. my son. are the things reform
ers wear in their search after vice"
Miss Giddithing-"So you don't believe
not A fool il often a grandfatner before
Q wise man thinks OF MARRYING
Experience is tlge best teacher" ouoted
the Wise Guy. That's right" assenfed
the Simple Mug. "A man never resiixes
hiw little he knows until experience drums
1t into him."
Mr.. Gnaggs-"You women think too
much about clothes.' Mrs. GnaExsE"T
don't agree with you. If Eve had had
more clothes to think about nhe Wo1,ldn'f
have cared 20 much for appleo.''
The Topeka state journal., 1914-02-11
Huror of the Day

did you say had no sense of hu-
mor? Nothing Of the sort said
you nad no sense. "Oh. that's all
right then."-Houston Post.
Bix-"Does your wife ever 70 to tba
club TOR you when you are out late ~
Dix-"No, but she goes for me whe,
get home. ."-Boston Transcript.
How is your Emerson club com,r.
on?" Fine. Mrs. Fritters took nm the
afternoon showing US how the Ca.tIas
dance the Hesitation '-Cleveland
Mary-"The doctor says this illnes.
Of mine 10 caused by a germ" Aenes~
What did he call it?" Mary.-.sT do,,,t
remember. I caught the disease. hut
not the name."oJudke. "~e
wife gets third Of her hushara..
property. doesn't she?" mo" why
,r:Se smcusnt the iaw gave that to a msn.s
we NO: only to his widow."-Hs,-
The Topeka state journal., 1914-02-11
TRAGEDY OF SUPERSTITION.
Devoted Wife Gives Life That Hus
band Might Complete Studies.

An extraordinary tragedy Of supersti-
tfon is reported from Burdwan, where a
man named vahamidan murdered his wife
with her own consent in the course OF q
secret ceremonial
Vahamidan had for some time been
learning the principles of Tantric worship
from a monk. To complete his studies ne
cessful attempts to procure one, he pro-
posed to his wife that she should aid him
in his secret studies by surrendering her
life. He assured her he would restore her
as soon as he had finished his worship.
At midnight the devoted wife accom-
ground. and there. with her consent. he
cut her in two and began his worship to
the goddess Kali. His devotions con-
cluded Vahamidan spent several hours
trying to restore the woman to life.
He was found by the police. uttering
loud lamentations and beating his breast
in self-condemnation near the spot where
lay the mangled remains of his wife
Calcutta cable to New York Sun.
The Topeka state journal., 1914-02-11
LIVE INSECTS FOR JEWELS.


An amazing use of live black beetles
has Just been achieved in Paris. Re-
Gently, at the Pare Monceau a woman,
in an extremely decollette dress was
the cynosure of all eyes, not on ac-
count of the scantiness Of her costume,
but because the whiteness of her skin
was relieved by a procession of crawl
ing black beetles. which were fastened
by tiny gold wires to a string Of beauti-
full pearls. The woman appeared to be
happy. but the insects would doubtless
have preferred to be free to scamper on
a kitchen floor.
Unfortunately. the fashion is now
gaining ground. and other live insects
and reptiles are to become the vogue.
Apparently pearls and diamonds have
for time lost their sway over the
most susceptible feminine hearts.-Par-
is cable to the Brooklyn Eagle
The Topeka state journal., 1914-02-11
Human welfare News.

The Sunday Evening club Of Chi
cago has secured prices on land for
the erection of a great downtown
auditorium seating 5000 people to be
used seven days a week as q free CEN
ter of educational and religious activi-
ties.
New York has established the first
of a number Of branch art galleries
in its public schools to bring art ex-
hibitions to people who are unable,
because of distance, to visit the Metro
politan Art Museum.
Girls are admitted to the Junior
Chamber of Commerce organized by
the boys in the Sacramento, Calf,
high school.
Salt Lake city recently created a
civic art commission. the duties of
which are to consult with the city
commissioners upon all matters. plans,
proposals. etc, affecting the artistic
adornment OF the city.
The Topeka state journal., 1914-02-11
Tip for Young Husbands.

The younger man had been COM
planning that he could not get his
wife to mend his clothes.
Il asked her to sew a button on this
vest last night, and she hasn't touched
it," he said. At this the older man
assumed the air OF a patriarch.
Never ask a woman to mend any,
thing" he said. You haven't been
married very long, and 1 think 1 can
give you some serviceable sugges-
tiOns. When I want q shirt mended
I take it to my wife and flourish it
around little and say. Where's that
|rag-bag?'
What do you want Of the rag
The Topeka state journal., 1914-02-11

bag?' asks the wife. Her suspicious
are aroused at once.
"I want to throw this shirt away.
It's worn OUT say, with few more
hourishes.
"Let me sse that shirt my wife
says; then, Now, John. hand 1t to mo
at once
"Of course I pass It over, and she
examines 1t.
why. it only need1-: and
then she mends it"-Pittsburg
Chronicle-Te
The Topeka state journal., 1914-02-11

Perhaps tho tad for putting the lid
On things In Topeka il responsible for
darTison Parkman,s action in order
Ing a perforated lid for the Baptist
Church.
Lincoln may have split rails, but he
didn't split hairs
And were he~oA the Job now, he
wouldn't be the principal speaker al
a Bull banquet.
Hondo Murphy, who will strain q
point anytime to say something COM
pltmentary. notes that, according to
her pictures. Sylvy Pank doesn't wear
q rat.
There is no occasion for having an
undesirable hanging around the
daughter of the house. The remedy
is easy; to queer him with the heiress,
give him your unqualified endorse
ment.
Every once in a while we note an
exception to the rule that thrift il its
own reward. Col. Goethals canned his
commissary general for having too
much In excess of his salary in the
bank.
Utah officers now admit that Lopez,
the Mexican murderer, left the Apex
mine. He left the Apex mine because
he had no further use for it.
From reports, one might gather
that Jimmy Garfield had found the
Moose party to be like q boarding
house described by John Sarsfield Gill
vie. companion of our youth. The
beds were good for sleeping purposes.
but DANCED poor eating.
If the negro shot a perfectly good
cook. (scarce artfcle), "in the heat OF
passion" steps should be taken to put
him in cold storage for quite a while.
A good cook should not be shot in the
heat Of passion. in the alley, the fore
noon or anywhere else.
If that's what she wants, we will
admit that Rose Pitonof. the Boston
swimmist, has q good shape for q fat
lady. and 1t will not be necessary for
her to pose q new Sept. a. m. each
week to prove 1t.
In reference to the Denver en-
counter of O'Donnell and Bonfils
O'Donnell gave as his excuse for
drawing a gat his belief that Bonfils
was armed. But had Bonfils had his
golf stick with him. it would not have
been concealed.
Major Iron-Jaw Brown says he II
still on the firing line, but has not
sighted the main line of the enemy
Il feel certain, however" says the
Maze, that sharpshooters are on the
job and are getting my range"
The Topeka state journal., 1914-02-11
THE soUL1Ess CORPORATIONS.

THE SOULLESS CORPORATIONS
Interesting data, not heretofore pub
! lished, on what the United States
Steel corpora ton is accomplishing with
it's safety and welfare plans, are given
according to the Iron Trade Review
in a bulletin just issued by the depart
ment of safety, relief, sanitation and
welfare of the Steel corporation.
The aggregate expenditures of the
Steel corporation in 1912, for impf0v-
ing the conditions of it's workmen IL
shown to have been Sc, 166, 1854. divided
into 81, ,5S7. .516 for accident relief; $685.
649 for accident prevention, $1,06S, ,25s
for sanitation and miscellaneous well
fare work. $914.956 for pension and ap-
proximately 100000 for employees
stock subscription plan.
The death rate of the II. C. Frick
Coke Co in 1912, it is shown, was 1.Ss
per 1000, 900 tons of coal produced.
which compares with $50 in Scotland,
653 in South Wales. 4.52 in Great Brit
ain. and 4.29 in the whole United States.
The Frick company produced 531, ,32s
tons per death. This compares with
2s5. 900 in Scotland. $4,000 in South
Wales, 24S,000 in Great Britain, and
233. 600 in the whole United States.
During the season Of 1913. there were
6.296 cultivated gardens, or 81 per cent.
of the total possible number in the
mining towns Of the H. C. Frick Coke
Co. The estimated average value of
each vegetable garden was $27 so. which
! meant a total saving of s173.14O to the
employees of that subsidiary company.
A total of 101 children's Fairgrounds
have been provided by the subsidiary
companies of the United States Steel
corporation.