davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1914-02-05
Four-Footed Poultry,

A certain old man in the WynchOpe
settlement, named Buckley, was eX
ceedingly fond of big words" lie
was riding hi horse over the country
one bright spring day, apparently in
tent on some important business.
Whenever he met anybody, he grave
ly asked: Have you seen anything OF
any stray poultry today? I've lost
mine, and am hunting it" When they
told him NO. he would proceed on
his way.
After spending several hours IN
what seemed to be a vain search, he
at last rode up to the door of q farm
house and called "Hello!" A lady
came to the door, and doffing his hat
very politely, the old man inquired if
she had noticed any stray poultry
round?'
After a moments thought. the WON
an told him she had seen no chickens.
oh" he renlied, it's my hogs that
I've lost-not my chickens. youth
Companion
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1914-02-05
Widows Are Mothers to Many.

Up in the North Carolina mountaii.
region, between the Blue Ridge and
the Great Smoky ranges, wealthy
resident, J. McWhitaker, recently
gave a dinner to IT widows. Aside
from the fact that it takes a bold,
brave man to attempt entertaining so
many women at one time there is the
additional point, properly shown b.
figures that the region Whereabouts is
one productive of long life and large
families.
The combined ages of the II widows
are ,033 years, the average being six
ty-one. The number Of children OF
these women is 1872, grandchildren 2S9.
great-grandchildren, co. great-great-
grandchildren 8. The average ages of
the grandchildren Is seventeen years,
and of the great-grandehildren nine,
The dinner was a bountiful one and
the mountains lent it their best, in
GLIDING wild turkeys, pheasant, yeni-
son and the choicest products OF the
farm and the garden.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1914-02-05
Little "Curtsies'' of Children,

A fashionable hostess recently gave
a most delightful party for children.
When awarding them prizes for their
proficiency in various games she urged
the recipients to make your little
curtsies and feel each time you do so
that you are saying thank you for
the prizes" 1t was a little lesson
SO kindly put that it met with an i'm
mediate response. And in these days,
when we hear SO much about man
ners" it must often be felt that it is
the disappearance of those little curt
sizes" which were once. unfailing
among country children, that has grad
ually brought about a change in rural
as well as town manners"
Neglect in teaching, not the loss OF
the spirit which can understand the
need of these graceful little acts, is
responsible for much we hear of the
decline Of childrens manners Of to
day.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1914-02-05
Public Pests,

The Woman Who Never Has Her
Change Ready.
Have you ever noticed how many
women go to a ticket window in the
subway cg C.a the elevated, ask for
their ticket and even expect to have it
j.. their hands, before they begin to
look for the nickel to pay for it?
Have you ever waited in line while
a woman in front of the ticket seller
opened her shopping bag. took out her
handkerchief. CROPPED for her pocket
book and when she found it, lingering
ly searched through it's compartments
Cor five-cent piece? .
4 woman is unfortunate in having
no convenient pocket that she can dip
into for small change. Her money is
usually inside something that is inside
something else. But isn't this all the
more reason why she should have the
consideration and forethought to get
out her change III advance in order not
to delay others?
Needless to say, the woman who
holds up the line at the subway ticket
Office does the same thing when she
buys theater seats or railway tickets.
Hers is a prominent place among
public pests,
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1914-02-05
ANOTHER COFFEE WRECK
What's the Use When There's an Easy
Way Out?

Along with the coffee habit has
grown the prevalent American Dis
ease"-nervous prostration.
The following letter shows the way
out of the trouble:
Five years ago I was a great cof-
fee drinker and from it's use / be-
came so nervous I could scarcely
sleep at all nights. My condition grew
worse and worse until finally the ply
stefan I consulted declared my trou-
bles were due TO coffee.
But being SO welded to the bev-
arage | did not see how I could do
without it, especially at breakfast,
as that meal seemed incomplete with
out coffee.
On visit, my friends deprived me
Of coffee to prove that it was harm
full At the end Of about eight days
l was less nervous, but the craving
for coffee was intense, so / went back
to the old habit as soon as I got homo
and the old sleepless nights came
near making a wreck Of yle.
4 heard OF Postum and decided to
try it. I did not like it at FIRST, be-
cause, as I afterwards discovered, it
was not made properly. found, how
ever, that when made after directions
on the package, it was delicious.
1T had a soothing effect on my
nerves, and none Of the bad effects
that coffee had, so I babe farewell to
coffee and have used only Postum
since. The most wonderful account of
the benefit to be derived from
Postum could not exceed my own ex-
perience."
Name given b. Postum Co., Battle
Greek, Mich. Write for a copy of The
Road to Wenyille."
Postum now comes in two forms:
Regular Postum-must be well
boiled.
instant Postum-is soluble pow
der. A teaspoonful dissolves quickly
IN a cup of hot water and, with cream
and sugar, makes delicious beyer-
age instantly. Grocers sell both kinds.
There's a Reason" for Postum.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1914-02-05
Got Her Souuenir.

There is a certain famous violinist
who frequently visits this country, and
who. among his acquaintances, is al
most as noted for his parsimony as for
his genius. Among this musicians
admirers was a young woman who
was determined, if possible, to pro-
cure some souvenir of the great man.
Her opportunity came one rainy day
when she CHANGED to encounter the
musician on Broadway. He was pro-
vided with an old cotton umbrella.
green with age; while the young wom-
an carried a nice new silk one. She
stopped him for a moment. exclaim-
ing: oh. if you would only give me
some slight remembrance of yourself
no matter how small" The great
man surveyed her keenly, and then
gave q glance at the old cotton UNI
brelIa that covered him. This he
thrust INTO her hands, saying: Ger
tainly, my dear young lady shall
be delighted. We will exchange UNI
brelias."
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1914-02-05

There's no rest and but little peace
for a person whose kidneys are out OF
order,
Lame in the morning, suffering cricks
in the back and sharp stabs of pain
with every sudden strain, the day is
Just one round otY pain and trouble.
It would be strange if all day back
ache did not wear on the temper, but
it is not only on that account rat
people who suffer with weak kidneys
are nervous, cross and irritable.
Uric acid is poison to the nerves,
and when the kidneys are not working
well, this acid collects in the blood
and works upon the nerves, causing
headache. dizziness, languor. an in
cIination to worry over trifies, and a
suspicious, short temper.
Rheumatic pain, neuralgia, scIatica.
lumbago, neuritis and gravel are fur
Their steps in uric acid poisoning.
Don't neglect kidney weakness. An
aching back, with unnatural passages
OF the kidney secretions, IS cause
enough TO suspect the kidneys. Use
Doan's Kidney Pills, q remedy which
has been used for years. the world
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1914-02-05
WOULD ALMOST FAINT
Cured After Doctors Faied

Mrs. Henry Zumach. Hutchinson, Mimi,
says: Last winter a terrible, sharp pain
caught me in my back and from that time
on ] had q constant backache. IF / used
breaking. I was IN misery day and night
and at times | got so dizzy I thought /
was going to faint. AT night I had to put
lief that this gave me. I got so weak [
couldn't DO anything. The doctor said
had floating kidney and two specialists
In Minneapolis said the same. The phys
reading about Dosn's Kidney Pills, I had
someone get me q box. AS soon as / be
gan using them. / got better and by the
time I had finished the third box, / didn't
have u bit OF pain. | can now do any
kind of work without suffering and all
the symptoms of kidney complaint have
left me. Doans Kidney Pills have cer-
tainly spared ME a great deal of misery
and suffering. I am only too glad to rec
ommend them 10 other kidney sufferers"
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1914-02-05
MODERN DAY ROMANCE
STORY OF a PRINCE OF INDIA
AND a DANCER.
Hooing Ended Happily, Though X Was
Not Conducted as in the Glorious
Days CT Beauty and
chivairy.

Ah!-as We exclaim when rocket
goes up. Ali Let US take our minds
from sordid affairs so that our emo
tons can vibrate over a sweet re-
mance-a romance shining with love
and especially with paternal devotion.
1t is the romance of the maharanee OF
hapuFthala, India, who is now touch
ing these shores with her husband,
who was once, and We feel sure still is.
Ger lover. We pulsate rapturously as
We read Of the substantial proof he
gave of his love, and we thrill conclu-
sively when the publicity agent tells
Is of how dearly her father held her.
Strange to say. this lovely Indian
princess is, Or was, a Spaniard-a
India saw her dance he Immediately
fell on his knees and besought her to
change her name from plain Anita
Delgado to sonorous maharanee Of ka-
purthala. Dear, old dad objected to
having the fine old Castilian strain
grated on to Oriental royalty and told
little Armies glittering suitor to
vamose, which is Spanish for decamp.
But instead of folding his tent like
an Arab and silently sneaking back to
Kapurthala, what did the swart but
spangIed lover do? Did he murder the
1oting Delgado and fee with the pull
chritudilous daughter? No. Did he
ride off with her like a Lochnivar out
of the East? No. Did he Romeo
around her dormer window? No. Did
he strum plaintive guitar and in
duce her to elope by the light Of the
moon? No Then what did he do?
Let the news item tell it in its own
way:
The maharanee of Kapurthala, In
dia, and her husband are visiting III
the United States. The maharanee
formerly was 81 Spanish dancer named
Anita Delgado. Her father objected to
the attentions of the Indian prince to
his daughter. The mahar2jah over
came the parental objections by giving
her father $4,000.
How much more eficacious than
writing Petrarch's sonnets to Laura,
or Dante's poems to Beatrice-the SIM
pie writing of a $4,000 check! Let us
sit by the borderland of old romance
in the twilight:
Where glitter hauberk, helm, and lance.
And banner waves and trumpet sounds
And ladies ride with hawk on wrist,
And mighty warriors sweep along,
Magnifed by the purple mist,
The dusk of centuries and OF song
and let us dream upon the magic and
the wonder and the glory and the
power OF q $4,000 check!
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1914-02-05
The Power of Reason.

Reasoning with a ffteen-year-old
boy is fully as effective as talking to a
door that doesn't stay Iatched.
crookedest Of anything in that line
on the face of the earth. You may
not believe it, but couple of days
after we got there my wife had a cat
that she wanted to lose and told me
to take it over and leave it along the
river about a mile distant. Well,
sir"
I see. old Pr smilingly interjected
the other. That's %here you lost the
cat, all right.
You've got another guess. re-
turned Smith. IF I hadn't followed
the cat would never have found my
way back home"
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1914-02-05
HAD MOTHER IN A CORNER
Fash Promise Bound to Go UnfuIfIiedr
or Marion Got What She
Wished for.

Little Marion is very fond OF tur-
key, we learn from Lippincott's Maya
zine. At Thanksgiving she was invit-
ed to her grandmother's, where there
was an old-fashioned turkey dinner.
Marion ate q good share of the bird,
and then handed up her plate again.
Il want some more turkey, mother
said the child
why, Marion" said the mother,
you have eaten enough already. /
don't think you had better have any
more now"
But l want some more, mother"
and her face fell
Not now, my dear" replied her
mother; but here is a wishbone that
you may pull with mother. That will
be lots of fun. You pull one side, and
l will pull the other, and whoever
gets the longer end can have her wish
come true"
Each pulled until the bone snapped
Marion had the longer end.
Nov, dear" said mother, you've
got the longer end, What did you
wish for?"
Why, mother" responded the
child, as she picked up her plate, Il
wished for more turkey"
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1914-02-05
Criticised Gladstone.

Even Mr. Gladstone did not escape
the reputation Of being q demagogue,
in the wicked sense. On one occa-
sion he confessed tat Oxford that IN
his old age he had been driven to be
an agitator, in order to counterwork
the designs OF DisraeH. and he made
confession with pain and reluctance.
Lord Shaftesbury took a very severe
view OF this demagogue. 1T is a
new thing and very serious thing to
see prime minister on the stump
Surely there IS some little due to
dignity of position But to see him
running from Greenwich to Black
heath, to Woolwich, to New Cross.
to every place where barrel can be
set up, is more like Punch than the
premier" Nowadays We are rather
proud of the energy Of our great
speechmakers, on whatever side they
talk.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1914-02-05
In and Out of Damascus Buildings.

The hotel is called the Grand Vic
toria, but it is above a blacksmith
shop and a saddle shop. The lower
stories are mostly blank, bare walls
From the upper stories project bal
comics OF latticed oriels, some of which
extend so far over the street as to
make ii easy for the yelled damsel of
the harem to leap across.
IN contrast with these plain exter-
iors, the interiors are often exquisiteIy
beautiful. having an open court paved
with marble and fountain fed by the
waters of the ALBANIA. tinkling and
splashiRg through the hot hours of
the day, and wooing one to rest during
the cool of the evening Palms.
orange trees and oleanders stand here
and there. Within the house you dis
cover rooms cold and formal to an
American, but brilliant with Oriental
hanginas brasses and iulaid mother
ofpearl furnishings,-Ch Her
aid
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1914-02-05
Smart BUSINESS.

Young Waggles," remarked Flip
son, as he made himself comfortable
in deep club armchair, has had
the laugh turned on himself in his
little joke against the Flames Fire
Insurance company
What do you mean?" asked Flip
son.
Well" continued his friend, he
insured five hundred cigars, smoked
them, and then sent in claim on
the ground that they had been de-
stroyed by fire"
And of course he got laughed att
Not a bit of it The company has
had him arrested on q charge of
arson"
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1914-02-05

and purgatiEes, for while these do but
temporary good, Syrup Pepsin cures
permanently The effect Of its action
Is to train the stomach and bowel
muscles TO do their work naturally
again. and in d short time all forms of
medicine can be dispensed with. 1t
can be bought without inconvenience
at any nearby drug store for fifty
cents and one dollar bottle, the latter
size being regularly bought by those
who already know its value. Results
are always guaranteed or money viii
be refunded.
Families wishing to try a free sam
pie bottle can obtain it postpaid by ad-
dressing DR.. W. B. Caldwell, 203 Wash
ington St, Monticello, I'll. 4 postal
card with your name and address on
It VIII do.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1914-02-05
Where Lirino IS kiiqh.

Those who complain of the high
cost of living would have reason for
4 much more pronounced howl if they
lived for a short time in La Paz in
Lower California. Butter is never
sold for less than G5 cents pound
and during the seven hot months of
the year fresh vegetables are not at
all obtainabIe. Ice which is manufac-
tured in La Paz sells for two dollars
q hundred
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1914-02-05
SAFE TO GO TO FUNERAL

SPOHN WFDTCAL CO.,
EsacterioIogists. Goshen, Ind, u. s. 4.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1914-02-05
Appropriate Enough.

The vicar Of Leeds, England, Doctor
3ickersteth, tells of a clergyman who
rang him up on the telephone to ask
if he would consent TO his taking a
marriage service in which the word
obey" was left out. He replied that
he was not the bishop, but was toler-
ably certain that the bishop would not.
allow him to omit the word.
But who is the lady going to
marry?" he inquired.
The answer was: She is going to
marry a Doctor
He then asked: Would she mind
if you put in the word consult in
stead?"
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1914-02-05
AhheX of TneIena.

There was no actual abbey Of Thel-
ema. It was a dream of the great
RabeIais-a very beautiful dream, too
and if you wish to know all about it
you will simply have to read the last
seven chapters of Rabelais "Gargan-
tua.'' On page 1G3 OF William Henry
Hudson's delightful book. The Story
of the Renaissance, you will find a
charming reference to the abbey Of
TheIema," which you would do we'll
to read.--Exchang
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1914-02-05
The Rulino Passion.

Great Scot, but this is a noisy
town! Does the racket keep up this
way all the timer
Il should say not. Today is an ex-
ira occasion"
What's all the hurrah about?"
THE Antinoise society has just put
over another one Of its pet ordinances
and the special committees are cele-
brating the victory"
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1914-02-05
The Weekly.

John Warden, the Standard Oil mag
nate Of Philadelphia, was taking cot
fee after luncheon on the sun-drenched
terrace, looking out on the blue Medi-
teTraRean. of hotel in Nice
This hotel" he said, has three or
four hundred bedrooms, and every bed
room has its private bathroom All
new hotels of the first class are built
that way now.
Times have changed and manners
and customs. A veteran Philadelphia
hotel man told me that when in his
youth rs q hotel clerk he would insin-
uatingly ask his new arrivals if they'd
have room with q bath. the usual
reply would be:
We'll, no. sonny. I reckon not. You
see. I ealc1ate to git back home afore
Saturday.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1914-02-05

well and hearty and weigh about
200 pounds. | feel very grateful that
l found Dodds Kidney Pills and you
may publish this letter if you wish.
am serving my third term as Probate
Judge of Gray Co. Yours truly,
PHILIP MILLER, Cimarron, Kan.
Correspond with Judge Miller about
this wonderful remedy.
Dodds Kidney Pills, SOC. per box at
your dealer or Dodds Medicine Co,
Buffalo, \. Y. Write for Household
Hints. also music of National Anthem
English and German words) and re-
cipes for dainty dia hes. All 3 sent free.
Adv
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1914-02-05
Both Expired.

The defendant, who was held on the
charge of keeping q dog without a
license, repeatedly tried to interrupt
the evidence, but was hushed each
time by the court. Finally the clerk
turned to him:
do you wish the court to under.
stand that you refuse to renew your
dog license?"
Yes. but
We want no butts You must re-
new your license or be fined. YOU
know it expired on Jan l."
Yes, but so did the dog. -Harper's
Weekly.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1914-02-05
Taking No Chances.

Captain said wealthy passen-
ger who was about to take his first
trip across the ocean, L understand
this ship has got several watertight
compartments
Yes, sir" was the reply.
Certain" the passenger went or,
decidedly, I want one O those COM
partments-I don't care what it
COSTS
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1914-02-05
Not ALTOGETHER Lost.

In the Shakespearean days actors
were classed as rogues and outlaws,
Will West, the portly comedian of
The Doll Girl thinks that player folk
are bad enough, but not as black as
they are painted. He tells this story
on Dick Burge, the English pugilist
and actor, who was indicted in connec-
ton with the 100000 Liverpool bank
robbery.
Burge was on the witness stand.
4 understand" said the judge.
that you are an actor"
Burge blushed, swallowed convul-
siyely and hesitated.
No. your honor" he stammered;
only thief"
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1914-02-05
None Needed.

Tourist-Tou have an unusually
large acreage of corn under cultiva-
ton; don't the crows annoy you a
great deaI?''
Farmer-0h, not to any extent.
Tourist-Thats peculiar, consider
ing you have no scarecrows.
Farmer-Oh, well, you see, I'm out
here q good part Of the time myself
New York Mail
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1914-02-05
iuentIfyinu Him.

Attorney General McReynolds came
% town the other day and paid call
u On a physician who halls from Ten
nessee. says the New York Tribune.
The physician was out, and as MIR
McReynolds had no card with him he
left his name and title with the Eng
fish footman.
When the physician returned he was
informed that there had been a caller
Il caWat remember his name, sir :
said the footman, but he was a mem
Der at parliament
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1914-02-05
follow the Cat.

Smith and Jones met in the smoke
end of a Pullman car one afternoon.
and during the gabfest that ensued
Smith referred to the town into which
he had Just moved.
The streets of the blooming burg
he eloquently described, are the
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1914-02-05
Sadly kanSicanned.

es, my wife has one of these
throat colds. She can't speak an
audible word
AS bad as that?"
Yes, indeed; I got home late tie
other night
We'll"
IAN she could do was to wave her
arms and make faces"
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1914-02-05

An American millionaire was bring
ing his beautiful young wife TO Eu-
rope in order to have her portrait
painted
nut Why don't you try home tai
entg" q friend asked him
Oh. he answered. we've tried
homo talent in vain, New we're go
ing over to see what the genuine old
masters can do"
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1914-02-05
Nnv lie Missed Il.

While travelling on a steamboat. a
notorious card-sharper. who wished to
set into the good graces of a clergy
man who was on board, said to the
reverend gentleman:
4 should very much like to hear
one Of your sermons, sir
Wei, replied the clergyman you
could cave heard me last Sunday if
ycs nad been where you should have
leon"
Where was that. then?"
In the county Jail, was the an
sWer.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1914-02-05
Too Much Preliminary.

Actor must insist on being paid
for rehearsals.
Manager-What on earth for?
never heard of such q thing.
Actor-Because lately I've had SO
many six weeks rehearsals for a ten
days run. But don't mind giving the
performances free.-Punch.