Bismarck daily tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1881-1916, 1914-11-26
A Bit O. Nonsense
II got this cup.for running"
"Whoja beat?"
THE owner and six policemen.

'AAoJo oS"Is . .
THE owner and six policemen"
.:
"Oi, Oil" chortled Casey; IAN did
Maloney give yez tn black oye?"
He did not returned Murphy with
dignity, "he give me only tn black.
OF hod tn DYE ahl tn toime.'
-
Going to Wombat's wedding,
Jack?' called his friend.
"Not l." returned Jack grouchily.
HE cut me out with that girl"
We'll come on. You may get a
chance to biff him in the jaw with
an old Shoe
A woman left her baby in its car.
riage at the door of he department
store. A policeman found it there,
apparently abandoned, and wheeled it
to the station. AS he passed down
the street a gamin yelled: whats the
kid done?
'My Wife said the tall, lantern
jawed man, sis as womanly a woman
as you can find, but she "al hammer
nails like lightning.
'Wonderful!' sang the chorus.
'Lightning!!" the tall, lantern jawed
man continued, seldom strikes twice
in the same place"
Little Robert rushed into the kit.
chen II day and asked his mother
what kind of pie she was making.
Lemon meringue pie she answ-
cred. "
The lite fellow disappeared, but
presently returned. Mamma" he
asked. what did you say is the pies
middle Nance"
Billie. who had been having trouble
with his older cousi, Ralph, came into
the house. His mother, knowing moth
ing Of the trouble said:
"Billie, what would Won like to give
your cousin Ralph for Christmas
Il know what I'd like to give him."
said Billie savagely,- but | amt big
enough"
A street car inspector was watch
'ng the work Of the green Irish con-
ductor.
"Here, Foley, how is this?" he said.
"lou have ten passengers and only
nine fares are rung up"
is that so?" said Foley. Then
turning 70 the passengers he shouted:
There's wan too nanny av yez cr
this cyar. Git out o'hera, wan av
yez!' r
A lecturer, II exceedingly rainy
night. addressed an audience which
might have been much larger without
taxing the seating capacity of the
hall. Naturally he was willing to
curtail his address and having
reached what he considered the psy-
Geological moment, he said: "Pm
afraid I've kept you too long,
Whereupon a voice replied: mo, go
on it's still raining"
-
1T was in a railway car and the
occupants were several travellers, and
a staid, pompous old gentleman. Var
ionss and unsuccessful efforts we're
made to draw him into conversation.
At length n of them said, come
sir. | know. you are one of us. Tell
US what you are travelling in."
Young mal,"> Unanswered the tor
mented one, glaring at his interlocu-
tor. 81 am travelling in Objectionable
and inquisitive company, and the car
is full Of samples" \g .
My husband is one of the most
stubborn mea in the world"
He can't be any more stubborn
than mine"
"Oh, yes, I'm sure he must be. Yes
terday ] had an engagement to meet
him at z o'clock" s ~,
Yes"
well, it was nearly 4:30 when |
got there, and he won't admit yet that
the rest he got while he was waiting
did him good"
Old MIR. and Mrs. Muldoon we're in
close converse around til. peat fire.
discussing the natural laws of COM
nSatiOn, though that wasn't exactly
what they called the subject.
'Just fancy" exclaimed Bradget,
according to this paper, when a man
loses wan of his senses another gets
more developed. For instance, a blind
maA gets more since in hearing and
touch
Pat thought the matter yer long
and anxiously.
Sure, an it's quite true" he re-
marked %learnedly, after a while.
"Oi've noticed it meself. When a man
has got one leg shorter than t'other,
begorra, the others .onse:.."
One cftpr1OOn !, marty named Pow.
ers had business at a state peniten.
he spoke of the visit to a number Of
friends.
THE prisoners down there said
Bowers, were having some kind OF
Saturday afternoon holiday, with a
brass band and speeches to match.
And say, maybe the leader Of that
band wasn't some wonder in the
choice Of appropriate music! What
do you suppose he was playing
"Search me-" responded one of the
friends. Some sad hymn, ] sup
pose"
He was mott" declared Bowers,
emphaticaIly. "He was playing This
is the Lief
A New York clubman tells of a
quaint character he met while on a
h'lntirs trip in Canada, last summer.
This man was of French extraction
and proud of a friend of his in New
York, one Gastohn L~espinasse, of
whom he talked constantly.
you live in New York;" he at
once asked when the Gothamite ap-