davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1914-10-13
Humorous department.
OnIv Fool Prese Mt.

When Brig. Gen. William Montrose
of the fifth field artillery back in 1891.
or observation-disclosures during the
time that the fifth was stationed at the
San Francisco Preside, there was
first lieutenant in the outfit who was
perhaps deservedly the most unpopular
man in the army. He's out of it now
and back in civil life, so it is only fair
to say that there is very little doubt
that the president of the United States
never did commission a more unfit man
in most respects in the military SER
vice
One day Generai-the colonel-Gra-
ham received an official complaint from
this lieutenant to the effect that it had
come to the lieutenant's attention that
a private named Brown had insulted
him grossly, all of which seemed
against good order and military dlscl-
pline. The complaint recited that
certain first sergeant called the lieu
tenant fool. The lieutenant
most reSpeClIully ISSoHiiiiShNSN
courtmartial for Private Brown.
Col. Graham was a pretty good mana
at making a more or less thorough IN
yestigation into a case before he
brought a man before a courtmartial,
though, so he had the first sergeant
called before him to learn the particu-
lars in the case.
Sergeant" said the colonel, Il am
given to understand that you heard
Private Brown call Lieut.. Blank -
- fool"
II did, sir" was the reply.
Tell me the circumstances, de-
manded the colonel.
We'll. sir" said the sergeant, there
was a group of officers standing on the
parade field near headquarters, Lieut..
Blank was in the crowd, sir. Private
Brown passed the officers and | heard
him saw: You - fool, I'd like
to smash you one on general princi-
ples'"
He specifically mentioned the name
of Lieut.. Blank, did he?" asked Col.
Graham.
why, no, SIR" replied the sergeant.
He didn't mention anybody's name.
How on earth, then, did you know
Lieut.. Blank was the one Brown
meant?" demanded the colonel.
why, colonel" said the sergeant In
a surprised tone, Lieut.. Blank was the
ONLY - - fool in sight at the
time"
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1914-10-13

Poor FelIow.-George Ade, apropos
of a May-December marriage, relates
the New York Tribune, said:
When your octogenarian millionaire
weds your beautiful stenographer of II
summers it is not to the radiant bride
but to the husband that my sympa-
thies go out.
Why? Well, I'll tell you why in
little fable.
"Old Gobsa Golde had welded Tottie
Footlites and one evening he called 10
her from his dressing room:
My dear, for this after-theatre
supper at the hotel l don't know
whether to wear my dancing shoes or
my patent leather boots. Which is the
better form for a man Of my age?"
In her green and gold brocade XII
mona the young and beautiful Mrs
Gobsa Golde, stretched on chaise-
lounge. undergoing the attentions OF
her manicure and her coiffeur, called
back to her poor old husband in a
clear cold voice:
The best form for man of your
age, my dear, is chloroform.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1914-10-13
BULLETS FIRED UPWARD
Experiments as to What Becomes of
Them.


1t is believed among the soldiers,
says London letter, that bullets fired
vertically upwards at aircraft never
descend as bullets, the intense and
the limit of the trajectory and the
subsequent descent of what is left of
them, completely dissipating them
into vapor. Thousands of bullets
have recently been fired at aircraft,
but none has been positively known
to descend.
Until the advent of aircraft just
what happened to the bullets when
fired perpendicularly into the air was
a matter of purely academic interest: I:
it has now become a question of vital
practical Importance.
Very few ballistic investigators
have ever troubled to experiment
with vertically fired bullets. The
first man to do so was Benjamin
Robins. the Father of the Modern
Art of Gunnery," who in a book
published in 1742, placed on record
his experience in this direction with
a smooth bore. AS a matter of fact,
Robins did not fire truly vertically
possibly because he was afraid that
the returning bullets might cause him
considerable personal Inconvenience.
Instead, he fired at an angle some
what out of the perpendicular and
to windward. He claims to have re-
covered the falling bullets. and as
good as intimated that the distance
which the bullets did fall out of the
vertical was due entirely to the effect
of wind upon them.
Coming to more recent things, we
Mann. an American rifle enthusiast.
Mann's leisure is spent entirely in
rifle experimentation, and his book,
THE Bullets Flight From Powder
of many years labor in the field of
small arm ballistcs. The problem of
the vertically fired bullets was tackled
by Mann but he soon gave up the
experiment in disgust as being devoid
of results. on perfectly calm day
he took a boat into the centre of Il
large lake, and. fixing rife into a
truly vertical position, he fired into
the air, hoping to be able to put on
record the return of the bullets and
the time taken in their flight. AL
though he fired several rounds of am
munition in this way. he regretfully
admitted that he was unable to either
hear or see any of the returning bull
let's fall into the placid waters of the
lake.
Among the English rifle investga-
tors. L. r. Tippins, of Minningtree.
Essex. has also devoted some time to
the problem. He was luckier in his
results than Mann, and has actually
observed the return to earth of the
bullets. J. Herschel Hardcastle. who
is amongst the foremost English rifle
authorities. after several attempts. is
ALSO dDlt W put bll
cry of several bullets fired in the
perpendicular position.
Speaking theoretically. bullet
fred from smooth-bore gun held
truly perpendicular and on perfectly
still day, should return to the point
from which it left the earth. Practical
ly this is never the case. Indeed, the
in is in all probability the firing point.
The observations Of Hardcastle and
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1914-10-13

for the benefit of their people and the
national government should not be
expected to do things which are be-
yond it's power I am glad to state
that the Federal reserve banks
throughout he country are now prac-
tically organized. The resources of
these banks will be available in the
very near future for the further relief
of the financial institution and for the
benefit of all kinds of business.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1914-10-13
Ten Dry States.

Virginia's adoption of state wide
prohibition of the manufacture and
sale of intoxicants brings the number
of such commonwealthS up to ten,
says the New York World. The 9TH
ers are Maine, Kansas, Georgia, Mis-
sissippi, North Carolina, North Da-
kota. Oklahoma. Tennessee and West
Virginia.
In Virginia, as elsewhere, the issue
was decided by the vote Of the coun-
try districts, but of the seventeen cities
having a population of more than
5000, only four, Alexandria, Norfolk,
Danville and Richmond, voted in Op-
position to the amendment. OF the
91,OOO,O0O people in the continental
United States at the last census, ap-
proximately 16.00O.OOO are now sub
ject to statewide prohibitory laws.
While sentiment hostile to the IL
quor traffic has been politically effec-
tive mainly in the south. it exists
powerfully in many northern states.
At the south, prohibition has religious
and racial inspiration, and In some
cases has been carried by the whites
solely for the purpose of depriving ne
groes Of strong drink. At the north 1t
is urged now chiefly in resentment
against the dominance and corruption
of saloons in political management
Probably there are more saloons in
New York or Chicago than ever eX-
listed i'm half n dozen southern states.
The influence that they have exerted
in public affairs in all large northern
cities. has been and still is prodigous.
If the movement should gain further
headway in this section, it will be di-
rected as sharply against the brewry-
financed saloon in politics as against
the beverages which it dispenses.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1914-10-13
TAX NOTICE-l914
Office Of the County Treasurer OF York
County.


Yorkville, S. c., Sept. IA, 1914.
NJ Office is hereby given that the
~ TAX BOOKS for York county will
be opened on THURSDAY, the 18TH
DAY OF OCTOBER, 1914, and remain
open until the 31ST DAY OF DECEM-
Der, 1914, for the collection Of STATE,
COUNTY, SCHOOL AND LOCAL
TAXES, for the fiscal year 1914, with
out penalty; after which day ONE
PER CENT penalty will be added to
all payments made in the month OF
JANUARY, 1915, and TWO PER
CENT penalty for all payments made
in the month of FEBRUARY, 1915, and
SEVEN PER CENT penalty will be
added to all payments made from the
1ST DAY OF MARCH to the 18TH
DAY OF MARCH, 1915, and after this
date all unpaid taxes will go into ex-
ecutions and all unpaid Single Polls
will be turned over to the several
Magistrates for prosecution in ac-
cordance with law.
For the convenience Of taxpayers, l
will attend the following places on the
days named:
At Yorkville, Thursday, October Is.
At Smyrna, Thursday, October 22d.
At Hickory Grove Friday and Sat-
urday, October 23d and oath.
At Sharon, Monday, October 26th.
At McConnellsville, Tuesday, Octo-
ber 9th.
At Tirzah, Wednesday, October 2Sth.
At Glover, Thursday and Friday, Oc-
tober 29th and 30th.
At Yorkville from Saturday, October
31st, to Tuesday, November Sd.
At Coates's Tavern, from o'clock a.
m, Wednesday, November 4th, to 8
o'clock p. m.
At Fort Mill, Friday and Saturday,
November 9Th and 7th.
At Rock HILL from Monday, Noyem-
ber 9Th, to Saturday, November 14th.
And at Yorkville from Monday, No
vember 18th, until Thursday, the 3lst
day Of December, 1913, after which date
the penalties will attach as stated
above.
Note.-The Tax Books are made up
by Townships, and parties writing
about taxes will always expedite mat
ters if they will mention the Town
ship or Townships in which their
property or properties are located.
HARRY E. NEIL,
Treasurer Of York County.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1914-10-13

Taking No Chances.-One of the
shrewd lairds of Lanrakshire had evi-
IDENTIFY experienced the difficulties of
collecting money lent to friends.
Laird" neighbor accosted him on'
morning. Il need twenty pounds. If
you'll be guild enough to tax ma note
yell have yere money back agin in
three months frae the day."
Nae, Donald" replied the laird"
Gamma do it,"
But, laird. ye hae often done the
like fer yere friends"
Nae, mon. Gamma obleege ye.'
But laird"
will We listen to me, Donald? AS
soon as took yere note ye'd draw tn"
twenty pounds. would ye no."
Donald could not deny that he would.
Il ken ye weel, Donald" the laird
continued, and | ken that in three
months ye'd nae be ready to pay me
ma money. Then, ye ken, we'd quarrel.
But if were to quarrel. Donald, Id
rather do it moo, when hae ma twen-
ty pounds in ma pocket. et."-Tit Bits.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1914-10-13
McADOO TO HENRY
Secretary of Treasury Discusses Gov.
ernment Loan Proposition.


ernment Loan Proposition.
The plan for direct Federal aid to
cotton growers to the extent of $400,-
100000 was the subject of sharp
Henry Of Texas. made public Friday
night, by Secretary McAdoo. The let
ter is in reply to recent statements
to the house by Mr.. Henry.
Mr.. McAdoo announces the pro-
posal to sell $25O.OO0,O00 of Panama
canal bonds to bolster the cotton
crop is not practicable and generally
objects to all the features of the Hen
ry plan. He calls attention to the
fact that those who deal in tobacco
naval stores. copper, silver and other
commodities have sought government
aid.
IF we disregard every suffering in
terest except cotton" he said, 'and
make it the sole beneficiary of gov
the Democratic principle of equal
rights for all. special privileges to
none?'
IF we enter upon the course you
suggest we must help every distressed
industry impartially. To do that
would neceSSitate the issue of many
more than 100000. 900 in bonds and
greenbacks and dangerously involve
the credit of the government. 1t
would be a hopeless undertaking, in
defiance of every sound principle of
finance and economies, with certain
disaster at the end"
Representative Henry introduced in
the house compromise loan propoS-
al presented in bill framed on
Thursday night by conference of
southern members of congress. 1t
would reduce the proposed loan to
$3.50, 100000.
While Mr. McAdoo was writing his
letter, the committee of ST. Louis job
bers and bankers, headed by Festus
J. Wade, was in conference with Il
committee of the Federal reserve
board over the proposed $l50,0OO,OOO
cotton loan fund to take care of the
surplus cotton crop. No decision
was reached and the conference WAS
resumed on Friday.
Mr.. McAdoo's letter to Mr. Henry
went eyhauStively into the aid so far
extended by the treasury To national
banks in the cotton states showing
that it has issued To them since the
war began $6S.OO0.OO0 in currency:
that its crop funds amounted to $ll.-
331, 900: that its regular deposits in
the south total $l6.O65,OO0 and that
there is available for southern banks
i'm compliance with the law, $l5l ,OOO,-
OOO more in additional national bank
CurcnCy.
What is really wanted" said the
letter. lis restored market for cot
ton. The value of cotton has been
injured during the year by the Euro
pean war. This injury cannot be re-
trievcd nor the market restored by
Legislation.
In his letter, Mr.. McAdoo denied
that h. had the right To deposit
treasury funds of which Mr.. Henry
had said there were several hundred
millions" exclusively in the south. the
statutes required. he said. that such
funds he distributed as far as practical
BILE "rquitably between the different
statcS and sections"
"If the government had several
hundred million dollars in the treas
ury." Mr. McAd0o said, congress
would not he engaged now in passing
a new tax bill Ia repair the loss in
revenues occasioncd by the European
war"
In conclusion the letter says:
"rhe powers and resources of the
southern states should be employed
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1914-10-13

A Valuable Hound.-A real estate
buyer had been out in the country to
look at a piece of property, and the old
farmer accompanied him back to town
to close the deal After travelling sew
eral miles the farmer was much sur
prised to see his dog crawl from under
the seat for he had no idea that 1t had
followed him. AS the train slowed up
at a junction the farmer put the dog OFF
and chased him aawy.
That's too nice a dog to lose re-
marked the property buyer. Does he
know his way home"
Does he? echoed the old farmer.
why mister. I've sold that dog four
times. Philadelphia Record
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1914-10-13

- Columbia, October s: The state
board of health, meeting in Columbia,
yesterday, unanimously adopted what
is known as the model law" regula-
tions for the enforcement Of the vital
statistics act in South Carolina, which
was passed by the last general assem-
bly, and approved several weeks ago
by the governor. Enforcement of the
vital statistics law will begin January
/. I'VE have adopted the law in
force in North Carolina and Virginia
and we will benefit by their mistakes"
said James A. Hayne, M. D., state
oflicio, under the vital statistics law.
Under the terms of the model law"
as adopted by the board, the state
will be divided into districts to be
made up of cities. incorporated towns
and townships. The local registrars
are to be appointed by the state regis
trar. Local registrars will be paid %
cents each for reporting deaths and
births to the state registrar. When
the proper certificates have been filed
with the county treasurers the fees
will be paid to the local registrars.
Regulations for the enforcement of
the vital statistics act will be published
in pamphlet form by the state board
of health and will be distributed to
undertakers. physicians and midwives.
One of the important features is that
a permit must be secured from the To-
cal registrar for every burial in the
districts. There is a penalty provided
for violation of this section. This
provision" said DR.. Hayne yesterday,
"will insure accurate reports on deaths
in South Carolina" The state board
of health will make financial arrange
ments for printing pamphlets and
certificates for the present. A special
appropriation will be ask to aid in
the enforcement of the law at the
next session of the general assembly.
The full text of the "model law VIII
be published at a later date by the
CT To hoard Of health
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1914-10-13

Oh!-"I don't understand precisely
the functions of the supreme COURT
It's like this. You have a dispute
with your wife and she decides against
you. That's the lower court"
Il see"
You take the matter to your moth
er. That's the court of appeals
Il see"
Then your wife takes it to her
mother. That's the supreme court. -
Louisville Courier-Journal
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1914-10-13
LEADERSHIP IN CRISIS
Radical Situations Require Radical
Remedies.


Says the Anderson Intelligencer:
THE Hon. w. F. Stevenson, of Che
raw, has suggested a plan for financ-
ing the state and for tiding over the
present serious times. Whatever Mr..
Stevenson says carries great weight.
He is recognized as one of the great le-
gal intellects Of the south. He
proposes several big things for the leg
islature to do. They are so big that
the average mind may not readily See
their necessity and Importance, but we
feel sure that if Mr.. Stevenson says
they are all right before the law the
courts will say the same thing
The opinion which the Anderson
newspaper holds Of Mr.. Stevenson's
abilities is shared by a very consider
able number of South Carolinians in
all sections Of the state. There are a
great many citizens, and not few leg
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1914-10-13
Total .... ... Isl 1856, 900, 90
Diffarannp in fa VOr of

Difference in favor of no
cotton crop 1915 ...... 1850, 600
This statement clearly shows that
the planters of the south can if they
wish, make s1,35000O,OO0 for them
selves by abandonment of cotton pro-
duction in 1915. Will they do this and
eradicate the boil weevil? This is your
OppOrtunity
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1914-10-13
FOR CONSIDERATION
Appeal of Figures for No Cotton Crop
in 1915.

The following statement prepared by
DIR. Wade Stackhouse, was laid on the
desks Of members of the legislature
last week:
Supply and Prospective Supply and
Demand Always Control Prices of
All Things.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1914-10-13

Willie Obeyed.-"Did you do as told
you. Willie" inquired the mother.
and not ask Mrs. Winters for pie u
second time"
"Yes'm." said Willie, proudly; j
didn't have to ask more than once:
/ got the first piece without asking"
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1914-10-13
Pursuit UnsuccessfuI.-"Would We d

Pursuit uccessful.-"Would ye do
something for poor old sailor" in
quired seedy wanderer at the gate.
Poor old sailor" said the lady ut
work over tn" waShtub.
"YeSsum. | followed the water for
sixteen years
Well" said the worker as she re-
sumed her labors. you certainly don't
look as if you ever caught up with it.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1914-10-13
Cotton Statement.

Crop 1914, say 100000
bales at Is cents ......Sl, ,l25, ,OOO,O 600
No Cotton Crop in 1915.
ton land 1915 .... -. 100000, 900
bales at IL cents .. .... 100000, 900
seed Of 1914 crop at SO. 100000, 900
Five million tons cotton
seed of 1916 crop at $50. O,O0O,O 600
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1914-10-13

3i Most of us already have about all
the rights" we can use intelligently.
Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1914-10-13
Total
al .... .... ......S
COMPARED With

Cotton Crop 1914-15,000,-
900 bales at cents ....$ 600,000,00O
600 bales at 6 cents .... sOO,OOO,OOO
600 bales at cents ,... 8SO,OOO,O 900
Five million tons cotton
SIS ........ ...... 49,. $4,000, 1000
$40 .... 49,. 10000, 900
Four million tons cotton
s1O .... .... .... ...... 10000, 900
The Twin Falls times. [volume] (Twin Falls, Idaho) 1905-1916, 1914-02-13

month, State Dairy Commissioner
James H. Wallis discussed the neces-
sity of the grading of cream used in
the manufacture of butter, and at the
meeting held by the creamery inter-
ests that same night, it was agreed all
would conform to ruling covering
this subject to be issued by the COM
missioner. Commissioner Wallis has
issued the following bulletin, which he
is mailing out to the dairy interests
all over the state:
This department wishes to state
that it will use every means to bring
about statewide grading of cream,
with payment therefor according to
quality or grade.
'Endeavoring to improve the quality
of all butter, to increase the proper
ton of higher grades and decrease the
proportion of unpalatable and unsal-
able grades, which the best interests
of the dairy industry of our state de-
mand, the department establishes the
following grades and recommends
them to you:
First grade to be cream, clean of
flavor and showing not over GAO per
cent acidity and not under 25 per cent
butter fat as read on the Babcock test.
Second grade to be cream, clean of
flavor and showing not less than 18
per cent butter fat as read on the Bah
cock test, without any acid require
ments.
"We recommend the rejection of all
cream that will not meet the require
The Twin Falls times. [volume] (Twin Falls, Idaho) 1905-1916, 1914-02-13

the section hands between Shoshone
and HALEY were brought up on the
passenger train today. There were 20
or more of them and Immediately on
ARRIVAL they were put to work with
pick and shovel to clear the sidetracks
and switches. II was expected that
they would get through with this work
by this evening.
The small rotary snowplow was
still on the Central Idaho line this
morning; but it was expected to be
released today ad to be then sent over
the Wood River branch. 1t is accom-
panied by flanger, so that if it comes
1t will throw all the snow from the
track for width of six feet while the
Hanger scrapes off the rails.
The section crews from Ketchum
and Bellevue were also used to clear
the tracks. The freight engine ran
down to Bellevue this morning and
brought the Bellevue section crew IN
the ketchum crew having come down
on the freight this morning. The
track was cleared just before the ar
rival OF the up passenger, which ar
rived at 11:40 and the switches and
sid1ngs are now clear.-Wood River
Times.
The Twin Falls times. [volume] (Twin Falls, Idaho) 1905-1916, 1914-02-13

ments of second grade, as goods man
ufactured from such cream would be
unpalatable and unstable.
Yours very respectfully,
JAMES H. WALLIS,
"State Dairy, Food and Sanitary In
pector"
1t will be noticed that this cream
grading circular says nothing about
the age of cream. This has been pur-
poseIy omitted for the reason that in
some of the more sanitary and more
highly developed dairy districts
cream three, four and five days old
will be better than cream from anoth-
er district that is only 4S hours old
AS the cleanliness of flavor and the
acid are really the governing features
OF good cream" says Commissioner
Wallis, "they have been made the basis
OF this circular, and to further get
them to skim a thick cream rather
than thin cream, we do not recog-
nize anything as cream that goes be-
low Is per cent butter fat, which is
the state standard
"The creamery men themselves rec
ognize the necessity Of some uniform
action in the grading of cream, for so
long as one man will take can of
cream that another creamery refuses.
just so long will that farmer be care
less in the care and handling of his
cream. or course, this applies to
cream that is fit for food, and not to
cream that is putrid, filthy and de-
composed, such as we sometimes find