The Washington herald., 1914-02-16
Statesnea, Real and Near.
BY PRED 6. KErLY.


The real name Of senator ollie James.
OF Kentucky. 10 Orlando Jsmes. When he
was little chap, 1t was thought thai
Orlando was too large and prstsntious
a designation for one 90 young and cute
and he was playfully dubbed Ollie by
family and friends. Unfortunately the
name clung to him even after he be.
came our largest Statesman. He would
not be much worse on. nominatively. II
he were called Roy or Gus. A man the
size Of James Is really entitled T. q name
like Charlemasne or Chilperich.
Representative Joseph Byrns. of Ten
nessee. owns and operates the heaviest.
bushiest eyebrows In Congress. One day
the size and splendor OF these eyebrows
and asked him why he didn't have them
barbered.
I'm saving them" replied Byrns. "un-
I'll can get q good offer on them. Some
day one Of these young afternoon tea
men that you see around hotels AMI
places, win drop In and give me % for
an eyebrow to use for mustache."
Representative s. d. Fess. Of Ohio.
used to be q special lecturer for Chicago
University and went about to various
small cities TO discuss historical and other
subjects before as many local highbrows
as the town afforded or as could be
rounded up.
Fess is learned chap, but is quiet and
inoffensive looking and for that reason
often fails OF being fully appreciated-at
least until after he starts to talk.
One day when he was about to deliver
n deep discourse. the chairman Of the
meeting preceded him with . few sue
cinct remarks. which included the follow
ing:
what We must do" said he. ''is make
an effort to stir up greater interest In
this course OF lectures. II we could get n
larger attendance we would. Of course.
have more revenue and then We could
obtain vastly better lecturers
Another time Fess had been delivering
lectures at a teachers Institute. He
had been talking mostly in the after
moons, but was put on for q special talk
one night. Just before he was to speak
he went out for a little walk and fell in
with a man who had been attending the
institute. II was dark and the man
didn't recognize Fess.
1T seems to me-" said the man. that
they are OVERRIDING this chap Fess, hav-
ing him speak twice the same day.
don't think there is much to him to start
with. Certainly he Is nothing to look
at"
well. you may be right" conceded
Fess. and yet am somewhat prejudiced
In the mans favor"
Just then they came under an electric
and the other man recognized Fess. lie
tried TO stammer an apology.
NO apology is necessary" laughed the
sood-natured Fess. because what you
said was absolutely true"
II is almost impossible TO make Fess
mad by attacking his personality. Just
the other day in the House debate on the
immigration bill. nc and Representative
Metz. OF New York. were on opposite
sides. Metz. in his remarks. made bold
10 Say:
II wouldn't give one abie-bodied i'm
migrant sor half a dozen baldheaded COL
leee professors"
But the only effect that had on Fess
was to make him wal: out into the lobby
where he could laugh nj! he wanted 20
without disturbing the debate.
Representative w. l.. Igoc, of St. Louis,
is one Of the few men who served as a
st. Louis aldermen back in the old days
VINO dINtTNdTu III ~
important a job as a place in Congress.
lgoe is. OF course not the only homes:
man who was IN alderman before Joe
Folk rounded them up. but just the IA Il
OF having teen an alderman in those DAYS
las been too much handicap for most OF
the others
The most noteworthy thing about Igoa.
though, is his modesty. As n matter OF
fact he IL a man o: parts, vastly more
so than the average. but when he first
came to Cnas ess he was greatly i'm
pressed with the importance of the job
and remarked to another member:
We'll, isn't this just to ridIculous?''
What's ridiculous?' asked the other
member.
why. the idea OF a man like me being
in Congress-"
Senator du pont, Of Delaware. has not
only the longest biography in the Con-
gressional Directory. but also the gloom
lest looking countenance in the Senate.
Even his whiskers have a funereal
hearse- -plume-like aspect. One theory is
that the reason he looks so gloomy ana
introspective is because he Is trying TO
recall something that he omitted from
his biography.
|. Senator Lawrence Y. Sherman. Of ILL.,
nois. wears lron-rimmed spectacles that
run obliquely acros his face and give the
impression Of having been picked hur-
riedly out Of a basket at a weekend
sale.
Uncle Ike Stephenson, OF Wisconsin.
cur wealthiest Senator. reminds one as
he sits in the Senate Chamber. of a we'll
to- do farmer WHO has been called to town
fo- jury service.
Copyright. 1915. by Fred G. Kelly. All right, re
served
THE BURIAL OF THE MAINE.