The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1914-05-22
THE TRUTH AT LAST.
First Authentic and Complete Account
or the Trim to LansIorisnd.


must be borne In mind that the River
Of Doubt has never been seen by any
living human being except the native
and savage landors who inhabit Its
watershed in large numbers, and whose
fierce and warlike dispositions render 1t
impossible for any person to penetrate
Its Businesses.
The landors are nomadic In their
habits. moving from place to place in
an unaccountable and perplexing man
ner. Where they may be found at any
time Is known to nobody except their
publishers.
This circumstance might be the cause
of some annoyance except for the facts
that there is no reason to communicate
with the landors and no desire on the
part of anybody to see or send messages
to them.
The landors are believed by some an
thropologists to be nearly related to the
| doccooks, a North American tribe. I'M
tameable and rapidly approaching ex-
tinction except In territories where rank
growths Of initiative. referendum and
recall obstruct the advance of enlight-
eminent and civilization.
Not only were the landors instinc-
lively and hereditariiy opposed to ad-
hitting the Colonel to fraternal inti-
macv with them, but his appearance on
the border Of their Justly celebrated re-
cesses was accompanied by strange
natural phenomena which distressed
and alarmed them.
The River OF Doubt. which since be-
yond the memory of the Oldest and
most savage landor had behaved as a
well regulated stream OF settled habits
should comport itself, suddenly mani
Tested strange perversity difficult to
understand and highly detrimental to
the peace of the landors.
Immediately on catching sight Of the
Colonel. the River Of Doubt reversed
Its current and began to flow from its
mouth toward its source, an Incident
| that even the most erudte OF scholars
among the landors found disquieting.
The inevitable result OF this was that
instead OF contributing to the volume OF
the Albert Nyanza, as intended by
nature and the landor department of
| public works, which constructed tho
! river, the River OF Doubt began to
drain that stream, thus endangering the
! whole valley OF the Euphrates. and i'm
perllling the scientific agriculturists who
/ make their homes along the banks of
the limpid Yangtse kiang
! The primary effects Of this change
in the course OF the River OF Doubt on
the landors and their interests were
lamentable in the extreme.
A great part Of the population, faced
by the necessity Of harvesting the crops
II they remained in the broad and fer
tile valley. some weeks before the Colo
nels advent had taken refuge on this
inaccessible peaks of the surrounding
Himalayans.
In consequence OF the diversion OF the
waters OF the Saskatchewan consequent
on the interruption of the flow OF the
| River OF Doubt. these peaks were In
stantly submerged and the unfortunate
landors who had taken refuge thereon
were exposed to all the dangers of bath
ing. which their lifelong abstinepce from
additions rendered particularly irritat-
ing to men OF their sensitive rearing.
Moreover. the waters be!ns deposited
on the mountain tops, the valleys were
left dry and the crops We're destroyed
This development enraged the landors
to n degree OF ferocity scarcely con-
ceivsble to man who has not put
himself TO considerable trouble to avoid
threatened labor, only to learn that had
he remained In his previous situation
the peril would have passed without af-
fecting him in any way to his personal
disadvantage.
With the popular temper much in
famed from these causes. the Colone
entered the land OF the landors, alons
and unaccompanied His scientists hi:
bearers his beaters, his secretaries, his
commissariat. his trappcrs. his guides
| ~. ~. ka % 4,
camp clustered about him. cheering
Justify for social Justice, the hour 10,
the Coloners annual mint julep having
drawn nigh.
At this moment a horrifyng dis
covery was made. The temporary Gus
todian Of the ColoneIs permanent plac,
OF residence on Pennsylvania avenue
had destroyed the mint bed
4 trapper and guide with whisker'
like John BurrouGhs's swooncd. With
loving care a companion brought {
hatful OF water from the River Of Doubt
and attempted 10 force a draught dowr
the throat of the unconscious man. A.
the first drop passed his lips, the un
fortunate fellow became delirious, an,
screamed:
"I-nhand me, Josephus Daniels
am not naval officer"
All slept that night in the bed of th'
stream. Save for the blankets, sleep
ing bags, ponchos, silk tents and simila
gear they had brought with them, the,
we're entirely exposed TO tho fury OF tn,
glorious starlit tropical night.
The next morning they demanded
; from the landors mint for the prepare
ton OF the Coloners annual libation
The landors crafty temporzed. II wa
believed that they had been overawet
by the valor and determination OF tn
small band OF resolute invaders. Alas
they meditated a fearful betrayal!
After some delay, the most savag
landor appeared with several sprigs o
fragrant vegetation, With a glad cry !
was immersed in those fluids which ar
used for medicinal purposes only, tn
: large silver cup was filled with ic
hastily scraped from the tree trunks
and the Colonel began the process o
deglutition.
A sudden pallor overspread him, III
faltered moment, then, with wonderful
courage, swallowed cup, ice. liquid AM
the herb. He passed his hand over hi
sweat beaded brow.
"Catnip, by Godfrey" he exclaimed.
Just then flock of hoatzin. the liar
, like claws on their wings soundin
a through the wilderness like teeth tina