South Bend news-times., 1914-07-10
STATESMEN
REAL AND NEAR
ny FIRED q KKxxIx.

Rep. Henry Barnhart OF Indiana
has a friend out in his district who
drives a squatty little automobile.
which is invariably covered with
mud. So far as anybody knows he
has never washed the machine In
the three years il has been his. NO
one had the nerve TO ask him why he
didn't wash ii until the matter was
brought to the attention of Barn
hart, who is an able-bodied person or
great frankness and asks about any
thing that he desires to know. So
he walked up and inquired of the
man why he doesn't wash his auto.
Because" replied the man, the
mud covers the paint and keeps 1t
from getting scratched.
Rep. Frank r O'Hair, who will
soon be in the midst of trying to
beat Joe Cannon again for congress.
maintains a large flock Of collie dogs
at his home. He went one day TO
buy a single dog, but could not make
up his mind which one he liked best
out of a group of four. so he bought
have raised families and now O'Hair
himself hardly knows how many col
lies he has i'm his yard. When he
left home to come to Washington last
winter O'Hair put his horse and cow
out on a farm and was about TO dis
pose of his collies similarly, but one
of them happened to give him a
funny look and it was all off. He
was afraid the dogs might not be con-
tent away from home. That being
the case he hired a man to stick
around and feed them and look after
them right on their own premises.
The last time he was home O'Hair
went strolling about the streets of
his town with most of his dogs fol-
lowing
An old man stopped to discuss
politics and remarked. as they sep
arated:
We'll, Frank. you ought to feel
reasonably sure of getting most of
the collie vote
Sen. Root has two mild manias
One is TO collect rare etchings and
the other is to plant trees
When he is at home on his an
cestral estate up in New York Root
gets most OF his recreation out of
going forth in his old clothes, spade
in hand and setting out trees. The
place is already adorned with all the
trees actually needed. but Root buys
great many more OF a wide variety
each year. He wants them not only
for the landscape scheme. but for the
sport of inserting them in the warm
mother earth.
Rep Ben Johnson of Kentucky is a
man Of philanthropic impulses and
when he used TO practice law he was
! constantly being imposed upon by
people who took up his time with
out giving him much reward.
One old chap used TO come in
about twice a week to have legal
chores performed and johnson never
charged him anything. But the old
man never failed TO make a bluff OF
putting his hand in his pocket and in
| quiring: We'll. how much do I owe
/ you, Ben?'-knOwing well enough
that Ben would say: "Oh. that's all
right"
/ Now Johnson didn't mind doing all
this work for nothing, but he got
/ tired of having the old chap work
that bluff on him. One morning the
! old fellow reached into his pocket
and asked how much he owed for
/ legal services. just a charity
worker entered the office.
'Oh, / guess s25 will be about
/ right" was Bens startling reply.
/ The client was game and paid it.
/ whereupon Ben tossed il over to the
| charity worker. saying TO his client:
IF you ever pull that bluff on me
/ again, I'll charge you more'n that. -
/ Rep. Michael r. Conry of New
i York used to be employed in the coal
mines Of Pennsylvania One morn
\ ing as he was going TO work he met
another Irishman all fixed up in his
! Sunday clothes.
What's wrOng?" asked Conry.
/ Nothin' wrong" answered the
/ other labOrer
But what's happened ?"
"Nothin's happened. Aman's got
10 show some respect TO the dead.
What dead ?'
"Oh, that Polander l worked with
| died yesterday"
What did he die OFF,
"A rock fell and hit him."
you don't say How big a rock
was it?"
oh, three or four ton. maybe
| Them Polanders can't stand much.
purity near got hurt myself yester.
/ day"
How was that?"
The rock that killed the Polander
hit me first, but luckily IL bounced
I off"
Copyright. 1914. by Fred c. Kelly
All Rights Reserved.)