The Washington herald., 1914-07-05

Il @oNS SdiS Ol yourself, anu IoI Zoo
sake let me find you more cheerful wher
get back. There's been nothing bui
tears and hysteria for the past month.
"Yes, know. / haven't been well
but I'll be better now. Oh, I'm sure
wiIlP
We'll, let's hope So" Ne kissed her
hurriedly and was gone.
She leaned back against the wall, her
hands clenched, great wave of sick
ness sweeping over her.
And that's the man love. the man
that pretends to love me-"
She went over and knelt by the open
window. 1t was dusk, the homewsrd
hour of afternoon pleasure-seekers, and
the lights of many cars and carriages
swept by in the Street below. She
thought of all those people going to
homes, to dinner, to the security of
families and friends, and only she was
alone, alone-always alonel She
thought of the long hours she must go
through before she would even hear
from him again. He would probably not
write-he never did. "I1l call you up
when l get back" That was all she had
to look forward to. She had not dared
even to press him as to about what day
that would be.
Each time he came now, he was more
harsh, more deliberately cruel, and she
was more and more abject. She knew
her every abjectness only incited him to
further cruelty. She knew the con-
tempt he had for her fear of him, for
her quivering acceptance of all the
sights and neglects and harshness he
chose to inhict upon her. She knew all
this and more, and yet she was power
less now to change the situation.
In the beginning it had all been so
different, and she had been so happy,
oh, so wonderfully happyl As long as
she held herself aloof, as long as he had
not known how much she loved him,
how completely she was in his power,
he had been kind and gentle and consid-
crate in all ways. But she had grown
to love him too much and to show it
too freely. And the more she had come
to need him, to cling to him, the more
he had drawn away. He seemed daily
to grow more cold and hard. Then it
was that she had grown desperate, be-
come i'll and hysterical. And it was
then that she lost her self-control, her
pride, her reticence. 1t would have
been so easy for him to help her then,
to restore her balance, to help her re-
gain her poise. Had he given her only
a little kindness, it would have saved
the situation.
But he had become unspeakably hard
and bitter. He loathed tears and hys-
terra, and above everything else he had
a horror and contempt of anything YER
ging on desperation. So BY the most
brutal harshness he tried to lash her
back to normal ranquillity-and sue
ceeded only in reducing her to a state
OF abJect terror and desperation, in
breaking her down completely. 1t was
like lashing horse, unused to the whip,
into a very frenzy. She broke down
physically, and was i'll, very i'll, for days.
And he coldly and deliberately refused
even to come to see her until she re-
covered.
Occasionally he called her up on the
telephone. For a while she was too i'll
to answer for herself, and he made
merely the most perfunctory inquiries
of the nurse. And then when she could
go to the phone, if there was the slight
est culver or sign of tears in her voice,
he would say he didn't wish to talk with
her until she was quite over her hys-
terra.
And yet she loved him! All his bru-
tality had not killed her love, and she
knew it never would.
The long days and almost sleepless
nights dragged by. Til call you up
when get back"-that was all she had. |
She was not sure that he would even
come to see her; he might only tele-
phone, say that he had to start off on |
another trip and would not have time
to come. He had done that before. The
thought of perhaps another week of this
suspense and longing made her sick
and faint.
She tried to force herself to 20 out,
to accept the few invitations to luncheon
and the theater. But she shrank from
meeting people, and above all she shrank
from the attentions of other men. She
wondered what they found in her to
them; she had nothing to give,
she was silent and distracted, and her
sadness and depression were so pain
fully evident
As the end of the week drew near,
'he would not go out at all. She could
only wait with quickening eagerness for
he telephone. And the repeated, sick
ming disappointments-to answer It
lgain and again, only to find it was
'ome one elsel She had rehearsed over
md ever what what she would sav-she