The Bourbon news. [volume] (Paris, Ky.) 1895-19??, 1914-11-13
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LUKE McLukE SAYS
(Cincinnati Enuuirer.1


way if she cold have it.
The modern girls idea Of Love in a
Cottage is to have a $4,000 bungalow.
The average woman would rather
have family tree than a business
plant.
The old-fashioned woman who could
operate an 1875 model washboard now
las a daughter who can operate
1914 model auto AID who imagines
that clothes wringers are equipped
with Self Starters.
The reason why married man is al
ways broke is because his wife is al
ways expressing wishes and he has to
pay the eXpressage.
When you are thanking the Lord for
your friends, add few words of graft
tude for your enemies. One enemy in
good working order makes you behave
yourself and gives you more free ad-
gertising than all of your friends put
ogether.
This may sound queer. But if you
pat man on the back too often you
will cause his head to enlarge.
A Texas man says he has produced
a deodorized onion. This is real pro
gress. 1t will make the onion as popu-
lar during Courtship as it is after
Marriage.
The average wife seems to have the
idea that the way to preserve hus-
band is to keep him in hot water all
the time.
Nature does some queer things. But
you can't accuse her of producing girls
with 4O-inch bustS and 16-inch hips
like you see on the street every day.
All men are Liars. But the 1914
June crop of brides is just beginning
to realize the fact.
When a widow marries the second
time she isn't entitled to divorce
She knew just exactly what she was
going up against.
The High Cost of Living wasn't
much of an item in the old days when
dime package of corn starch was
used to powder the baby after his
bath make Mothers face beautiful
and produce bowl of blanc mango for
desert.
After being buttonholed for half
hour by gabby guy, you sort OF get
the impression that lockjaw isn't
such a terrible affection.
The old-fashiOned man who used to
pump hydrant water on his face after
a home made shave now has a son
who couldn't face the world until he
received a 35-cent massage after the
barber gave him the once over.
When Mother is angry with the chill
dren she tells them that they will go
to the bad Place" But she isn't so
careful of her language when she gets
mad at Father.
When a girl who is wearing tight
shirt has a big hole in the Corn-Fed
section of her stocking she would
rather walk home in the rain than
board street car.
When the old-fashioned boy lost an
article he used to spit in the palm OF
his hand and take his forefinger and
hit it, and the way the spit would fly
would indicate the direction in which
the lost article could be found. But
the modern boy who loses an article
| goes to a newspaper office and puts IN
| Lost AID.
| When Father happens to remember
to wind the alarm clock before he goes
| TO bed he knows that the family would
he in an Awful Fix if it wasn't for his
| Thoughtfulness.
The women didn't have time to vote
| in the old days before Home MADE
Bread was supplied by the grocery
| stores.
Hero is man who can walk into
! Poison and drink it and walk out With
! out Offering to purchase for SIX OF ms
friends who are lined up at the bar.
Some men never have any luck DE-
cause they spend all their time argu-
ing that luck is against them.
Woman is a strange creature she
would rather have a 15-cent husband
than remain single and have $15,000,-
900 900 worth of freedom.
A good hustler will make better
husband than a good dancer, but you
couldn't get Princess 10 DelleVe IL.
Some husbands are such mean
ones that they refuse to quarrel Win
their wives because it costs them 100
much to make up.
There is a whole lot OF competltion
i'm some families as to who shall pc
the Black Sheep
Somehow or other when you see
man who wears a derby hat with
sweater. you know that when he opens
his mouth he will say Were is them
things att" -
IT isn't rocks that cause most Oh
tbe shipWrecks on the Sea or Matrl-
mony.It is usually lack of rocks.
We saw a girl the other day VINO
had side pockets in her skirt just ike
man has in his trousers. But there
isn't much danger of the dear things
wearing pistol pockets. :,
When a man starts to go to the deVli
he nearly always takes woman with
him. =.
twenty-five years ago if man wore
silk hat in. the day time everybody
F, in town knew that he was froies-
sor, who demonstrated Electric Save
ar Indian Sagwa and formed parade
behind him. But a, man can wear one
nowadays without starting anything.
# is wise man who knows that he
doesn't know anything about women
/ In all the nasty mess or divorce
scandals and affinity killings 1t GER
/ 4o;,l,, &c q rolipf tn see huSDanQ anu