The Princeton union. [volume] (Princeton, Minn.) 1876-1976, 1914-07-09
A CANINE. Il Y.
Trouble Came In Bunches With
the Purchase OF a WATCHDOG.
ONE NIGHT OF WILD RUCTIoN.

ONE NIGHT OF WILD RUCTION.
1t Taught the Battered Master Of the
Wrecked Home That Under Some
Circumstances Burglar May Be
Better Company Than Mastiff.
III a man is afraid of burglars" said
Quackenbush, ''he can't have a better
safeguard than a good Watchdog"
but where is he going to get the
good Watchdog" inquired Clinken-
beard. "Such animals don't grow on
trees, and they are not advertised by
department stores. -.. -.
"Of course, if you so around telling
that you are in the market for watch
dog every man who has a chicken kill
ing pup he wants to get rid Of will
tell you that his critter is just what
you are hunting for. But you'll try
out million dogs before you find one
that will get down to brass headed
nails and do police duty.
1.-TWO or three years ago there was a
burglar scare out in our suburb. Sew
eral houses had been entered and some
false hair and things carried away. So
my wife got so nervous she couldn't
sleep at night. She was sure some
masked bandit would break in and
steal the What Is Home Without a
Mother chrome from over the mantel,
and just to give her a sense Of security
bought a big mastiff and took him
home and chained him to a tree in
front of the house.
"Along about - o'clock at night that
dog got to thinking over his misspent
life, and remorse gnawed at his heart
strings, and he began lamenting the
past. He had the most bloodcurdling
voice I ever heard. Every yell he let
out froze the marrow in my bones.
He'd begin with a sort of plaintive
wall and wind up with a howl that
would remind you of a hyena in a
graveyard on rainy night. My wife
said the uproar would have to be
stopped and I'd better bring the dog
into the house: He'd probably be quiet
there. -.
$50 l slid into few rags and went
downstairs and into the yard. Just as
I approached the dog old Billshaw,
who lived next door, opened his bed
room window and threw an old frying
pan. OF course he meant it for the
dog, but his aim was poor and it caught
me in the bread basket and knocked
the wind out of me.
II sat down on the grass and gasped
for breath, and shower Of bottles and
bootjacks and stove wood came from
Billshaw's window, and every blamed
item hit me in one place or another.
When I finally got my breath I yelled
to Billshaw to let up, for he was muir
dering me. and he said it was just
what 1 deserved for keeping such u
menagerie where it would give the
whole neighborhood the horrors.
"After l had rubbed my bruises for
half an hour 1 took the dog into the
house and went back to bed. I was
just dropping off to sleep when was
reused by the allfredest racket. 1t
sounded as though the side of the
house was falling in. My wife was
shrielking that the dog was upsetting
all the furniture and running every
thing. So l went downstairs again,
quoting few passages from Webster's
Dictionary.
II had forgotten about the cat when
took the dog into the house. But the
dog had discovered the pet and was
chasing it through the house. and you
never saw such a scene of wreckage
Everything that wasn't nailed down
had been overturned, and nearly every
thing was broken. The gas light was
burning. and there was the cat hanging
to the gas fixtures and the dog stand
ing on his hind legs trying to reach
her.
"My memories of what followed are
rather confused. seem to recall grab
bling the dog by the scruff of the neck
to take him outdoors. and he bit Il
sample from my shin, and then we
mixed things on the floor. l managed
to stuff the pincushion into his mouth
so he couldn't bite, and we resorted to
Greco-Roman wrestling
1ueu Cue cat cdue uO"u lrOm the
gas fixture and took hand and clawed
most Of my scalp off, and my wife
came to the rescue with the poker.
She said afterward that she was try
ing to hit the dog. l reckon I'd have
been on ice next day if the neighbors
hadn't come in with shotguns and prun-
ing hooks and such things and pried
up apart.
"That experience was enough for me-
I'd rather have forty burglars on the
premises than one Watchdog
Mason in Chicago News
Stationers.