The Washington herald., 1914-03-09
Statesmen. Real and Near.
nv FREp "a KELLY.

BY FRED c. KELLY.
Postmaster General Brrieson Ii rarei,
seen without an umbrella ciutched in hi
hand. The same may be said Of Col
George w. Goethals, the Panama Cana
chief. whenever he In In this part OF tn
country: but the most persistent umbrella
carrier in Burieson- II takes a cloudlesl
sky and an optimistic weather forecas
| tn wheedle Burieson out into the open
without his trusty umbrella right with
him.
The other day. as he was walking doWr
street. Burleson met Lindley M Garrison
Secretary of War. Garrison playful,
started t. pass him by without even I
nod and Burleson acted shocked. 4
Have / ever said anything against tn,
War Department asked Burleson.
ITO tell you the truth" chuckled Gar
| rison. 81 did not recognize you without
your umbrella
Uncle Jerry Donovan, member Of Con-
gress from Connecticut. looks like hre-
eater. but has a sense Of humor. The
other day a newspaper man caught him
on his Office phone. but mistook his voice
for that OF his secretary.
Has Donovan got any news? asked
the correspondent
''Of course not" replied Donovan:
that old guy never has any news He
scarcely knows he's alive.
"Huh. You're a nice, candid sort Of a
secretary. anyhow" observed the news
paper man. a
why not?" asked donovan. whats
the use of trying TO make a blun? Old
Donovan doesn't even know what month
1t is. Go and strike a live one
Representative william schley Howard.
of Georgia. sprung a little simile the
other day to express his idea OF the diffi-
culties of a certain undertaking.
That" says he. would be Just like
climbing up a creased pole backward,
carrying an armful Of eels.
The full name of Representative
''Hampy" Moore. OF Pennsylvania, is
parted modishly over on the left side,
thus: j. Hampton Moore.
whats the J. for?" asked friend the
other day.
ITS for a sort of prologue" replied
"Hampy' right OF the reel. and looking
the inquirer boldly in the eye
Representative Joseph A. Goulden, Of
New York is believed to be the only man
in public life who was present when
Abraham Lincoln delivered his famous
Gettysburg oration. He was born only
six miles from the battlefield and walked
over to get his first look at Lincoln. He
had elbowed his way up close to the
stand and was within a rod or two of
Lincoln when he spoke.
when / got back home after the cx-
ercises. my mother asked me what l
thought Of the Presidents speech. says
Goulden. II was seventeen and therefore
a little blase. But / admitted that il was
a pretty fair speech. 1 told her as
much of it as 1 could remember and she
said:
That's a speech that will live
And ! guess she was right"
Senator Tillman starts out each day by
kicking himself. He kicks himself before
he even gets out Of bed.
He does not do this. however. because
he harbors any feeling OF disgust or inn
patience toward himself.
Kicking himself is No. l of list OF
rules he follows out daily. He believes
these rules are largely responsible for his
partial restoration TO health. and nothing
could induce Tillman to begin a day with
out first kicking himself viciousy fifteen
times with each foot.
He always has on hand typewriter
lists OF these exercises and rules Of diet
and mails them or hands them out when
ever he thinks they will be helpful
In at least one respect the Tillman
rules TO health are vastly superior to
almost any other We ever saw. For ex-
ample, No. S begins: Take a cold bath
and rub down briskly. unless you do not
like cold water or have not the facilities
TO do it,
You can see for yourself that there Is
some sense to rule like that. That
clause unless you do not like cold water
gives one a reasonable amount of leeway
and saves him from joining the great
army of cold bath liars.
Representative Edmund Platt. Of New
York. is a Macauley To Poughkeepsic.
That is, he is the author OF a history OF
Poughkeepsie, y. Y.
w J.. alias "Fingy." ConnOrs. an out
spoken citizen Of Buffalo, y. V. stood in
the office of the Secretary of the Navy
the other morning waiting for Con-
gresham to introduce him to Secretary
Daniels.
He got to looking at an immense globe
that has been in the Office for many
years, showing all the countries Of the
great big world in which We live
Connors noticed that Alaska was laoe!-
ed Russian America" indicating that
the globe had been made before Alaska
was sold 10 the United States long.
long time ago.
See here burst out ConnOrs. when he
met the Secretary, lis this the most up
to-date blankety be-dashed globe you've
got? IL you're coaling stations aren I
marked any more accurately than Alas
ka, you'll be in a dOuble-asterisked.
hyphenated, bilIy-be-diVvle Of a fix II We
ever have a war with anybody.
And another thing. Daniels! roared
Connors, as he was about to stalk out.
why in the name OF Jack Johnson don't
YOU name a decent ship after Buffalo,"
tCnrrrirht Iali hy End G. kerlv. Al rights re-