davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Richmond Virginian. (Richmond, Va.) 1910-1920, 1914-07-13
PEOPLES FORUM
The Handwriting ON the Wall

Editor N}rginiau.
Sr.--Ir view of the certain and speedy down
fall Of the licensed whiskey business In the
state, the history Of the corrupt, guilty King
Relaf Ezzar's bacchanallan revelry in his palace,
wh2r q hand in mysterious characters, wrote Of
his Impending doom. found in the fifth chapter
Of Daniel. is very interesting reading to the neo-
pie % Virginia. On that night the king and
his attendants were inhamed with wine. and
their hiarity high but when the hand
wrote on the wall his approaching DOOM Bel
shaETal felt his guilt and his c0untenance
charged, his thoughts troubled him and hts
knees smote together lie illustration
Of he oft repeated 1phorism "A guilty con-
sciet sc needs no acouser.' and he, too, was "A
symhoi of the dealer in intoNicants in these DAYS
Ia Vagina, who sees the handwriting on the
wall predicting the speedy overthrow of his
misera bl" business Tho wretched king that
menu rahle night indeed a pitiabIe object.
and what shall we say of the dealer in the ac-
cursed stuff when. like Otheli0, he finds thar his
occupation IL gone? We sincerely hope that the
poo fellows who made their living by the sale
Of tic poison will all repent and find better
employment, That the whiskey advocates are
sitting UP and taking notice as the friends Of
tenn rance in the State are marching in vic
torions triumph TO the goal of prohibition Of
The traffic Ii very patent. But what they
do "a stay this great onsweeping Temperance
tide behind which God. Ghrist's followers,
the churches and the best and choicest specimen
Of or Virginia men and women? The effort
To sta. this great movement is as absurd as an
eHor. to stay the seethirg waters of the Niagara
river would be just above the fails. The WhtskeF
bus paradng in the splendid city of Rich
mon', under the name OF self-goverHmeht. Is
proc Of what puerjle efforts to stay this great
tide tie advocates Of intoXioants are capsule
et putting forth here In Virginia. What farce.
What pretence Is such movement that is
50 hin a blind man through it e shades
Of George Washington, Thomas jefferson. John
MARSHALL and others whose splendid bronze
figures adorn the capital grounds Of oqr proud
chief city that respectable. even prominent citi-
zen9 should hold. mass meeting In the in
tertst Of so-called scfgovernment, which iH
reaiit' neans. the liberty to have whskev
salons In midst. Poor Virginia saloon
keepers this great meeting Of respectable and
prominent citizens in the interest, indirectly Of
course you viii soon find out If you haven't
alraac. done so, will aid Won precious iitta, for
the handwriting. booming your miserable basi-
ness Il plainly written on the wall
f. L. PAItHAJ
Ktse George Va.
The Richmond Virginian. (Richmond, Va.) 1910-1920, 1914-07-13
DISGRACE To CTR >TATE FA1R,

The decision cf the Heurieo Circuit court 70
again grant a license Tor the sale If futaNl
eants on the grounds ef Ne State tair nest
october, occasions b9tb surprise ana regret
Throughout tins state. II lad been hoped that
the directors II the fair would respect the gen
kral sentiment Of good people al over The
state against continuing this wrong and IN
defeusible practice and tAat even if the diree-
tors did insist tae court would, la tse interest
OF public morality ana deeeaey. deny their ap-
ylication.
BIT nor So The directors again asked fer
.he license because of the money that comes
from the Improper sale Of liquor where rone
should lie sold and Judge shacbel5ord, follow
Ing the example o. Judge SCOTT, grants The
license Whether there shall b. only one bar
or several en- the grounds the court has YET
10 decids It IS to be hoped that there viii
not ba more than one There ought not to
le ore.
Our state fair is great institution. 1t brings
the people from all sections TO the capital every
October, aud II does much to increase interest
In agriculture. fruit growing, etock raising ard
meehanieal Improvement Il Is intended to be
and is an important educational influence How
unfortunate that the odiun and disgrace OF a
public bar should attach to worthy an In
stitution and keep away. the last
year. thousands Of men and women who. while
deeply Interested IN the fair and what 1t repre-.
sents. cannot conscientiously patron.ze the
The Richmond Virginian. (Richmond, Va.) 1910-1920, 1914-07-13

How a Boy Would Vote.

Ed1tfr %lrg1nan:
u ar Sir.-I only eleven years old, hut
vii; tes. you what I think about the Statewide
prohibition. ] think that If the State would go
dry Il would he the best thing that ever hap
pence TO Virginia. If I going to vote l
would vote for Statewide prohibition My
fathee Is red hot for Statewide. We had a lady
from The Woman's Prohibition League of
America, her name Miss Pearl Young. l
liked her fine. Father has been receiving cir
cniara from the local seIf-gevernment people,
He ats THE Ntrginian and I like il fine / read
the letters the back of The Nirginian. Mr.
Ben ]. owens, Jr. has been getting some fine
letters from the great Statewide men. / feel
hat, through the help If Cod willy get It,
and when get il will be a bright and happy
22d & September ON that bright and happy
Gay. Yours for success.
WAf EDWARD SFfrEsR. JR.s
r. 81 heard say that THAT the taxes
moulC be higher than before and more people
sent tc the jail / had rather pay more taxes
than tuy the liquor.
The Richmond Virginian. (Richmond, Va.) 1910-1920, 1914-07-13

to l9ca option. | remember an illustration that
was used. They said, Now IL Richmond should
vote dry" and Manchester wet then the
money from Richmond will flow into Man
chester. That the illustration and it was
n good one 1t showed that Richmond didn't
want her money to flow anywhere-if the
none came from Manchester to Rich
moa1 1t vas all right for Richmond. But what
"A cEange, Then the "drys' fought for local
option and won. The VETS Numbered their
mighty artillery against 1t, and lost But now
they ere active day and night in defense of It.
Thee it was an undemocratic principle: now it is
discovered to be Simon pure Jeffersonan
dye'. Washington stamped, unadulterated type
Of the purest Democracy What a change How
they do appropriate discarded clothes and
wear thcm with much pride But, Mr.. Voter
don't YOU be fooled by these gentlemen. who are
wearing our old apparel of local option. The
question now is. for prohibition or against pro-
hthtfcn For whissey and drunkenness. with
all its crimes, against whiskey and drunken
ness with ali its crimes.
w. ". REYNOLDS.
Nj rfc Va
The Richmond Virginian. (Richmond, Va.) 1910-1920, 1914-07-13

The new code commission Of Virginia. which
r. charged with strenuous task has done
wisely and well in selecting Mr., John w. Will
liams as its clerk. His long experience as
clerk Of the house OF delegates we'll equips him
and will prove of invaluable assistance to the
commission In its work.
The Richmond Virginian. (Richmond, Va.) 1910-1920, 1914-07-13

City politics will claim the center Of the stage
al next week. and we trust the weather man
will he kfnd enough to deal out some cool
weather for the occasion
Evening star., 1914-08-16
Homely Tales of North Woods Told by Washington MAN

been present the previous year but was
absent on this trip began to chat with
George.
Amt your brother coming?" George
asked.
NO" said the Washingtonian. HE
won't be here this year
wall, I'm sorry" said George, "be-
cause especially wanted to be his guide
this year.
That's all right, George" said the
Washingtonian, but how about him.
You know he might not want to have
you for guide. hope you haven't for
gotten that little poker debt, because
know he hasn't"
wall. l do declar!'' exploded George.
DO you know, sir, I had completely for
got about that. But you write your
brother and you tell him that that money
is drawing 8 per cent right now and the
best he could get on 1t is 8 per cent. You
tell him his money is drawing s per cent.
sir!'
Thus, honor was satisfied.
Evening star., 1914-08-16
The BIuefieId Bather.

CARROLL PHELPS POULTENEf.
~ Wheeling clubman, told a story the
other day about a West Virginian.
''The total dryness of our state, ne
said, made a certain Biutheld man
prize liquor as he'd never done before.
He set Off for Atlantic City after
month or two of dryness. and there. on
his first days bath. he had the mis-
fortune to be nearly drowned.
"But q sunburnt lifeguard saved him.
Dripping and unconscious. the life
guard laid him across a barrel. A bottle
was uncorked. It approached his lips.
"But at this point the Bluefeld mans
pale lips huttered. and his weak hand
waved the bottle feebiy away.
Not yet, boys he faltered- Not yet
Roll me on the barrel first and get some
of the salt water out of me. II you
don't it'll weaken the liquor.
Evening star., 1914-08-16
The Too Particular Drummer.
TOWARD ELLIOTT, the head of IL

HOWARD ELLIOTT. the head of the
/ New Haven lines, was talking In
New York about railroad punctuality.
''Our trains are far more punctual than
they used to be- he said. Did you ever
hear about the western train that tied up
for the night on account of a storm?
IA drummer on this train-this hap
pened years ago-said pleasantly to Inc
conductor:
Were going to be late, friend?'
NO said the conductor, in suriy
tones; mo, we amt going to be late,
neither
".But' said the drummer, L thought
we were going to tie up here Tor tne
night!' &c.
we are: but that isn't going to make us
late. We don't run SO close to time as
all that"
Evening star., 1914-08-16

<<1 T'S almost like the world as It was
in bygone centuries" This is the
phrase used by Washingtonians who
recently returned from an excursion into
the northern woods OF New Hampshire.
Primarily it was fishing jaunt, but before
the trip was over other events transpired
as absorbing in their interest as the
fishing itself. And the result is a wealth
of reminiscence brought back to this city.
-.
One Of the members Of the party de-
scribed the land as "a place where the
humans are as primitive as wild animals
and the animals are as Intelligent as hu-
mans" It Is only after hearing some OF
his stories that one comes to realize that
this is complimentary and not saur1cai.
For example. take the story Of the deer.
This story. is worthy Of any faunal nat
uralist's attention. II begins In the year
just past
Ernest Ferguson. one Of the game war
dens near the camp was making his way
he heard q feeble ''bla-a-at'' from the
shore. He looked over and saw a small
fawn, only few weeks old, gazing at
him. He. went to the bank and patted the
little animal, and then. supposing Its
mother to be nearby. turned the nose of
his canoe upstream again and started on
his way.
And then. to his surprise, the blat was
heard again. The little fawn had its big
sorrowful eyes fixed on him. Clearly 1t
was calling to him and not to it's mother.
AS If to prove this 1t staggered ahead a
few yards on its weak, sucklike legs.
But it was SO weak 1t could scarcely
walk.
The game warden decided to be the
foster parent of the little fawn, for
while at least. He went back to it, lifted
it into the bow of his canoe and for
second time started ahead. The little
fawn peacefully curled up, dog fashion, in
its new resting place and slept until the
clubhouse was reached.
There 1t was found that the creature
could not drink milk from q saucer. It
was too young. In the feeble hope Of
saving its life they fed 1t milk that was
soaked in rags-it would seize the rags
and suck them eagerly until the milk was
drawn out And either because 1t was q
particularly tough fawn or because kind
Of destiny was watching over it, 1t began
to grow.
1t was unanimously christened Buck.
days. got out and built Buck q residence
Of his own wide corral. in which he
could have his being without fear OF at
tack at night That corral soon became
the meeting ground for all the pets around
the clubhouse. There was an old bull
idol and rather moody. solemn de-
meanOr. matronly cat and . little spit
1re Of q Kitten.
With the nrst two the fawn got on
Evening star., 1914-08-16


face doing 50. to wrestle with Poliy's
hooks and eyes.
You cuss Lady Duff Gordon for the
fans and cross hitchings and over and
under lairs that you only begin to mas
ter as the gown is about to the dis
carded. When you cannot find partner
for a certain young hook you sur
reptitiously hitch him on to hunk
of lace or a row of insane glass beads.
without halt in the rhythm lest
Polly suspect!
And when a hook hangs back and
refuses to meet a willing eye across
the two-inch chasm, you grunt and
mutter, Gee, you. must be getting
largerm or. why the deuce don't you
pull those strings tighter so this dress
will meet?" BY the way, why 10 1t
that in moments Of emotional stress
men will forget that they are gowns"
or "frocks" and not dresses"
These impolite remarks of yours
naturally rile Polly. so she says. Let
it go-Tll ring for sandra-she un-
derstandsw
This, as was intended, stimulates you
with renewed determination to com
plete the work if you sacrifice eight
fingernails, and you reply. ''Of course.
Sandra's mentality is much superior
70 min
you looked over Polly's shoulder into
the mirror you would see her winking
wickedly at herself.
Just as you have nearly stretched
that little gauzy triangular patch
across the between the shoulder
blades Polly, of course, raises her arm
and begins rubbing off the excess pow
der around her pretty nose. You lose
the combination.
IF you expect me to hook this thing
while you are isadoraduncaning all
over the room you are laboring under
a delusion" You get this OFF with
the usual restraint and anxiety for
under statement Of the regular hus-
band.
last completed You smile with pity
when you think of all that talk about
the Panama canal being such a stu
pendous feat of engineering.
All this to go to a party. OF course,
you expect to have a reasonably decent
time. What sort of party? Oh, just
a party.
And then, by Heck, after you get
there and everything seems to be go
ing pleasantly the hostess, without
warning. asks somebody to do some
thing!
You know what that means. You,
who have left your more or less COM
Portable home. where you might be now
II you had in the least suspected what
was in store for you. Do those words,
ito be entertained" suggest the PIN
nacle Of awfulness? They do. Yes'm.
1t would be bad enough II the enter
tainers were hired. but the added hor-
ror Of it all is that they are personal
friends. people for whom you nurse
regard. people you like to think
kindly of. people you mention to other
people with a certain possessive pride.
~
The first time you heard them do
something, IL you can remember that
far back. it did amuse you. by Jove,
Evening star., 1914-08-16

There are two distinguished enter
tainers who are more fortunate thai
the average stuntite, inasmuch as the,
bear the burden of one story betweeI
them, one haunt that does for two. The,
are Paul Armstrong and Lindsay Deni
son, and the stunt is the story o
"Pansy." When Jim Barnes gets OF
his feet it is only to do Fairfax. Fair
fax County, Virginia"
Everybody knows that Stafford viii
do the "Jabberwock."
If Tom DAILY didn't do '-wop" poem
they would feel outraged.
And if Old Irv Cobb. the burnt cork
king, didn't tell that story about Gil
Hung, Niger" they would mob him
Wildhack can't eat his banquet in
peace until he has done THE Battle OF
Metz" Burgess johnson would burst
into tears if no one asked him to do
THE Man With the Wooden Arm"
1 think the Amalgamated Pariorites
of America should in self-defense
some time give a dinner to themselves
and do nothing but eat-not thing!
But you might as well say to a
morphiend, stop morphing instantly
He couldn't do it. His will power is
gone.
4
You who are the fathers OF boys
think! Or, as Herbert Kaufman
would say, THINK"
If you catch any of your young sons
giving limitations of Photographs.
cows, sawmilis, dogs five miles away,
soda water entering a glass. cats fight
ing, young chickens, catching a bum
bel-bee. baby crying or any imitation
of anything animate or inanimate, don't
laugh-do that which hurts you more
than 1t does them. but not In the
identical way. Do anything to head
off, to discourage a tendency that IL
allowed to become a habit, will bring
only pain in the future.
If we but knew the inside story of
the lives of these human sacrifices TO
the god of ennui, these helpless pro-
longers of parties, Many of them APP
pear happy and normal. but under
more than. one cleaning shirt front
their one stunt is doing what that
beastly fox did to that spartan kid!
fThe author. with true author mod
esty, omits his own name from this list,
where. Of course, it belongs. No din
ner is complete without Flags In.
stantaneous caricatures made while
you specify .
tCopgrisht 1919. by Otis r. wooa9 :.
Evening star., 1914-08-16

At the tail end Of party when the
clock is striking neurasthenia and
some begin to think of the busy little
motor racing its head off in the Gun
mans Gondola below, there comes
scraping of chair legs and a furry
around the piano.
What are they going to DOR
Julian Street is going to sing
Frederick Townsend Martin'"
"Oh, my goodness"
Julian eagerly leaps to the piano.
saying, "If you knew how I hate it,"
You knew that If he was going to sing
it would be Frederick Townsend
Martin" Julian has copy of the song
typewritten on white silk sewed into
his dress coat. So you say, 'Yes,
heard him sing that just after the bat
tie Of Gettysburgr Which is not
friend of yours you feel privileged to
say sarcastic things.
Another terrible phase of this par
lor entertaining is that if one enter
tainer does his time-honored and
classic imitation or song every other
one in the room will feel grossly in
suited if not asked to contribute his
quota to the last sad rites Of the
dying party. Hence the term, "ex-
treme unction."
Charlie Towne "a poet) then whispers
out of the side of his mouth to his
neighbor, Get me to do Mrs. Fiske'!'
So they get him. Sweetly smiling and
murmuring, My, how I loath it," he
arranges four chairs and gives his
imitation Of Mrs. Fiske in a scene
from Leah Kleschna."
can imagine him in his home, in
his library. sitting alone at his desk
trying to think of rhyme for But
terick.'' Suddenly he leaps to his feet.
The time draws near when in ordinary
circumstances he would be at party
doing Mrs. Fiske." With feverish and
tempermental haste he arranges four
chairs and goes to it. Then as the
usual applause is lacking he comes to
Evening star., 1914-08-16

the camp-sung until eventide, when
the keeper came to camp carrying an
exhausted and penitent fawn in his
arms.
IT found him." said the keeper, cry
in to climb up hill. He was SO tired
he could hardly make it, He was
fallin' down about one step out of
three"
When the campers broke up their
little party in the fall Buck. now fairly
well grown. was turned loose to care
course, he would wander away and
come upon other deer and would re-
vert to his natural state Of wildness.
In the springtime of 1914 the camp
at the shrine Of the sacred salmon
came back with their rods and reels.
They walked to the clearing in front
of the lodge.
accord. Buck, sleek and fat-about
the size, now. of a calf-was browsing
around on the croQuet court. He lift
ed his head and trotted toward them,
rubbing his head against them and
behaving for all the world like a giant
dog.
Things went along uneventfully un-
til certain summer afternoon. Buck
had been away all morning. but no.
body minded that much, for Buck fire.
quently departed for constitutionals,
returning Inevitably at meal time. Cold
boiled potatoes had an attraction for
Buck that was irresistible.
It was late in the afternoon and the
fishermen were lolling around the We
randa when Buck suddenly came out
Of the clearing with three wild deer
timidly following him. One Of the eye
witnesses tells the story as follows:
For a moment we didn't know what
to make Of it. The three wild deer
halted on the croquet ground about
fifty yards from the porch and began
to snif. Buck ran straight toward
us and dnally came on the veranda.
nosing around.
Then he looked back. His COM
Evening star., 1914-08-16

panions had not followed him. They
were still waiting for the time when
Buck would come back to them. He
called, but they were obdurate.. Then
he ran back to them and see-saWed be-
tween the croQuet grounds and the We
randa for half an hour.
1T was as plain as day that he was
urging them to come up and get ac-
quainted. He kept grunting and blat-
ing in a manner that was fairly hui
man. One could almost hear him say
ing, For heavens sake, you fellows.
don't be such thick heads Here Is the
softest snap In the whole state Of New
Hampshire. Cold boiled potatoes three
times a day-three times. mind you!
For heavens sake. come up and get
acquainted
when they refused he got madder
and madder, and finally showed one OF
them toward the veranda. 1t started
back and looked at him nervously.
For two hours the little comedy con-
and left them. They glided into the
woods. For days after that buck
moped. He was actually apologetic.
that all deer were not as incurably
stupid as these three"
Stories of the hardness of the woods
men of northern New Hampshire are
the story Of George"
George was q fair-sized man, trap
per-hunter. fisherman and guide: One
day he made the fatal mistake of
"wrassling'' with another guide about
twice as big. with the result that he
smashed a collarbone and three ribs.
The city folk were apprehensive and
finally decided to send the injured man
to the nearest settlement. They put
him in a canoe and wrapped him care
fully with many soft blankets. Then
they told OBJ Padgett. the --LATEST man
in the state" according to report. to
propel the canoe. Later OBJ returned.
stating that George was getting along
nicely and would soon be back.
But he was lucky, continued OBJ
in his nasal, New England drawl, 'he
was durn lucky, I'll say that fer him!
Why, do you know, I upset that there
last time the. dunn fool nearly drowned"
George returned later and stated that
he was as well as ever. He Is built, they
say. of rawhide and steel. He explained
that he didn't mind the little wetting he
got going down to the settlement but he
bitterly reproached OBJ for having lost
the blankets
CHAT durn fool Is SO thickheaded that
he has to speak three times before ne
says anything"
This spring, when the party went back
to camp, the first man they looked up
was George.
OBJ Padgett still alive?
II can't say exactly" drawled George.
'.Some thinks he is and some thinks he
amt
Evening star., 1914-08-16


a
do
a % stone on he
of
Evening star., 1914-08-16

getting a bit tight for him across the
chest. He feels that, as Gouveneur
Morris would say. this Is the best Of all
possible worlds.
Ono evening, out Of the nowhere,
comes an impulse to give an imitation
Of Harry Lauder. He gives 1t with
out any announcement. The little
gathering whoops with delight and
some one says, That's the best imita-
ton Of Albert Chevalier ever heard
do it again. From that moment he is
ruined.
Some Of the same people that were
with him that evening are at the next
party he goes to. and they cry, Give
us that Albert Chevalier stunt, Hankr'
his success. Nothing exceeds like sue
cess. His regular work, while ex-
tremely promising, has postponed pay
ment-his stunt has succeeded in
stant1y. It haunts him as he tries to
write that story for a magazine. He
smiles to himself as he hangs to his
strap on his way home in the evening,
SO that those near him edge away
fearfully as from a madman.
He doesn't conflne his imitation to
evening parties. He will do it any
where. On ferries, trains. in the park,
in restaurants, anywhere a few
friends happen to be. The years roll
on and he. still does his Chevalier. He
reasons 1t out just as the vaudeville
actor does, il he has made hit why
tempt the fates by doing something
different? Why should he, indeed?
Don't they still clamor for it?
Evening star., 1914-08-16

IFE for married
men nowadays is
just one darned
hook after an
other. You pause
In the midst of
your s e c o n d
shave in twelve
hours. with the
lather that will
not dry on the
Evening star., 1914-08-16
JULIAN
S7kee7r
SINGING
,MEeeoee,ok M
G'WsMNNseN IG0'WsNseNoI
MRMN.'

has every reason to hope Tor the time
when great magazine editors will call
him by his nickname and go to lunch
with him at the Players Club. The
future is glittering. Npling is
shrinking. O., Henry's cutaway is