The Washington herald., 1914-03-15

don't know.
But now that have IT / might well use IT.
Every time ! hop into. one of those roomy, COM
Portable street cars in city of the second third or
even fourth class, Immediately contrast it with the
wood boxes we use in New York, and find myself
growing red in the face and biting my nails.
Those Squeezer cars that prowl the streets of New
York are surely the breathess limit, aren't they?
The Squeezer car is the best genteel imitation of
rough house that has been invented
They are called Squeezers because the conductor
has to let the passengers out with can opener.
Brave and strong men climb into street car, and
they are full of health and life and vigor but few
blocks up the road they fall out backward and inquire
feebly for sanatorium.
To ride on Broadway street car. for instance,
about o'clock of evening" brings out all that is in
man, including lot of loud words he didn't know
he had.
The last census shows that the street in
the city of New York have more ways of producing
prostration and papitaon of the brain the
square inch than the combined population of Amster
dam, Rotterdam, Tinkersdam, and Gotterdammerung.
To get in some of the street about O'Clock
is problem, and get out again assassination.
One evening recently | rode from Forty-second
street to Fifty-nnth without touching the floor
with my feet
Some of the New York street cars lead double
life because they used all winter the part of
a refrigerator.
1t is cold day when cannot find it colder in
the street cars.
The germs in our street cars are extremely sociable
and will follow stranger all the way home
Often while riding in the New York street cars
have felt germ rubbing against my ankle like kit
ten, but being gentleman at least specifically, did
not reach down and kick away because the law says
we must not be disrespectful to dumb brutes
Many of these street cars are built the
general plan of condensed milk.
When you get out you cannot get in, and when
you get in you cannot get out because you hate dis
turb the strange gentleman that using your knee to
lean
Between the there is a space of two feet but
in that space you will always find four feet and their
owners, unless of them happens to have wooden
leg
Under ordinary circumstances four into two won't
60 but the Squeezer ars defy the laws of gravtaton
A Squeezer conductor put twenty-six into
nine and still have four to carry.
For with a small dinng-room, the Squeezer
has its advantage. but when stout rides in
them he finds himself supporting lot of strangers he
met before.
One morning jumped on one of those Squeezers
feeling just like twoyear-old full of health and hap
piness.
During the first seven blocks three men, fresh from
dstilery grew up in front of me and removed the
scenery
One of them had to get out in hurry, so he
kicked me on the shins show how sorry he was to
leave
One of the other two have been in the dis
tery long time. because pretty he neglected to
his memory and down in my lap.
When demonstrated with him he replied that this
is free country, and if he wished to sit down had
no business to stop him.
Then his friend pulled apart and resumed the
of my lap.
During the twenty blocks had one of the
worst daylight nightmares | ever rode behind
The party who had been studying the exhibits in
the distlery became obsessed with the idea that my
foot the loud pedal piano and he started to
play the Blue Danube Waltzes.
That such a hard drnker that he gave
me the gout just from standing my feet.
Then jumped off and swore off and swore at and
walked home.
If the who invented the idea of standing up
between the seats in Squeezer alive he should have
a
My idea would be to catch him alive and place the
him, and have the conductor come around
every ten minutes for his fare.
I've been up and down and over and across in