Belington progressive. [volume] (Belington, W. Va.) 1912-1927, 1914-05-21

LATE Mr.. M'GLUCKEN'
BY MAX ADLER.

sonally acquainted with the deceased,
Mr.. McGlucken7"
YES, sir"
"And you are certain Of the facts
that you have given In his obituary
notice?"
We'll. tolerably certain"
Because, In describing his appear
ance, you say that he had Roman
nose, and only one eye. and that there
was wart upon 1t. Do / understand
you that the wart was upon the Ro-
man nose or the eye? The expression
is not perfectly clear"
THE nose. OF course"
You remark, also, that Mr.. Nc
Chickens nose was badly injured in
the railroad accident at Newark, In
consequence Of the bridge giving way
Now, don't catch the drift Of this.
Do you mean that the railroad acct
I dent resulted from the breaking Of
the bridge of Mr.. McGlucken's nose,
or that the bridge Of his nose gave
way after the accident. or that the
nose was hurt by the railroad bridge
giving way, or how? You are not
definite enough"
Il refer to the railroad bridge"
"AhI Then you go on to say that
Mr.. McGlucken married In 1897, but
that after year Of too brief happi-
ness, his wife died suddenly, leaving
him with eight dear little children,
the eldest of whom was but seven
years Of age. This Is calculated to
I'LL the minds of readers with per-
plexity. Are you sure there were
eight children? And, II SO, that the
Oldest was but seven years of age?"
II forgot to state that Mrs. Nc
Chicken had been married before, and
that there were three sets of twins"
"The omission is important. / no
ttce that you say, in the fourth para
graph from the bottom, that McGluck-
en- went to sea when he was young
man, and that his craft was stove at
Fill islands. Then Immediately after
ward you remark that at poker he
never had rival. Now, can hardly
believe you mean it, and yet do you
know that superficial reader, glanc-
ing over your article, might easily
get the impression that McGlucken
went to sea In stove, and somehow
or other, managed to row himself
ashore on the FIJI islands with a
poker. Read 1t over and see for your
self tell you, Mr.. Peters, this kind
of want of deiniteness won't do for
a newspaper. 1t confuses peoples
minds, and maddens them, and brings
them down here with murder in their
hearts"
Il admit that it is not exactly clear.
But this Is not the worst What do
you mean when you say, In the fifth
paragraph. that while Mr.. McGIucken
lived IN Perkiomen township, he was
somewhat lame for few years, and
that he had the largest corn In the
country-it was more than eight feet
high? Now, do you mean that he had
corn eight feet high, or that he had
corn in his field eight feet high, and
If the latter, why do you associate the
corn with Mr.. McGlucken's lameness?
Don't you see for yourself that most
persons would get the notion that Nc
Chickens lameness was caused by
corn which grew up through his boot
and was fastened to his hat? Why,
Mr.. Peters, II we were to print thing
like that believe this Office would be
Quilted by mob before night"
Il see. must rewrite that"
Right afterward. next to that sim
gular reference to the fact that his
aunt persisted In putting on her gum
shoes whenever she went to bed, and
that his grandmother swallowed her
spectacles three times In church, you
remark that in 1906 Mr. McGlucken
was taken with torpidity of the liver,
whereupon he Joined the Swedenbor-
gian church, and voted the Populist
ticket regularly. You see you fail to
make the thing connect. People will
want to know how torpidity of the
liver drove him over to the Sweden
borgians, and why Swedenborgian
with an ineffective liver should have
propensity to support the Populists.
And no sooner does the bewildered
reader give up the problem than you
add. respecting Mr.. McGlucken's con-
nection with the church choir, that he
was fine singer generally, but on
this particular Sunday he rode his IA
vorite horse to church, and, as he had
the heaves, he had to stop before
reaching his destination, so he missed
his usual participation In the services,
ct cetera, ct cetera pledge you my
word Of honor, Mr.. Peters. as man
who has his finger on the public pulse,
there will be million people around
here tomorrow perfectly savage to
know whether McG1ucken had the
heaves, or whether the horse hadl No,
Mr.. Peters, it won't dol 1t really
won't. want to put in a good obitu-
airy of McGlucken. know you want
to do him justice. can see your SYM
pathetic feeling running all through /