Mineral Point tribune. (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1869-1938, 1914-01-29
KELLIAGER's INSOMNIA
BY DOROTHY DUNN.

denly desert him and when 1t aban-
doned Keliinger 1t abandoned the rest
OF the family, meaning Mrs. Kellinger
and the bulldog.
When Mrs. Kellinger would an
nounce sadly to their acquaintances
that Tom had begun waking up at
one o'clock and staying awake till six
or not going to sleep at all until half
pastthree 1t was exactly as tragic as
though she was breaking the news
that he mad fallen victim to the
suicide habit or had begun numbering
people again after a short vacation.
Those to whom she spoke always had
an uneasy feeling that they ought to
| send flowers or something.
Kellinger absolutely refused to go
to the doctor about it. He said the
physician would merely ask him If he
had embeZZled any trust funds or had
anything else on his conscience, and
would appear annoyed because he
hadn't
TITS Just nerves." Kellinger would
say in martyred tones. 81 wake up
and then | begin thinking and l can't
stop. | worry about what would hap
pen If ten years from now long, hard
winter should set In and / didn't have
any work. Then there is Uncle Dave,
who has just invested all his money in
gold mine, and what If he should
lose it, And think of the sufferings
of the people over there In the Bal
kan regions during this cruel war;"
"If Tom didn't have such an absurd
ly tender heart" Mrs. Kellinger
would sigh proudly.
That is, she sighed proudly till the
sleepless streak had continued for
some time, and then she grew peevish
from lack of slumber. At first she
would read aloud to Kellinger or
would arise and, descending to the
o'clock lunches of fried egg sand
wiches to lull MIN to sleep. Later on
she took to making remonstrances.
Following these heart to heart talks,
Kellinger gave up coffee and cigars
and once in while managed to sleep
didn't,
IF you were twins, now" Mrs. KEEL
4 linger murmured reproachfully one
night at three o'clock at Kellinger,
who sat propped up socially against
the bedpost with the reading light on
full blast. Il suppose shouldn't mind
being awake like this. I'd expect it.
But / don't mind telling you secretly
that I'm (yawn) getting aw-aw (yawn)
fully tired OF It! I'm just dead for
sleep!"
Are you sleepy, dear?" Kellinger
asked, In hurt tones What wouldn't
l give to feel that way!"
/ Whereupon Mrs. Kellinger felt
ashamed of her desire to sleep and
read aloud from The Theory of Hot
( Water Heating" until she toppled
over, sound asleep.
4 Kellinger really suffered. He said
II 1t kept up much longer he would
I go crazy, he knew. All the Kellingers'
/ friends were intensely Interested in
the situation. By their advice Kel-
linger drank hot milk before retiring,
drank cold milk, put a hot water bag
under his head and then an ice bag,
stood on his head and walked on his
hands, breatbed in six times and out
six times, crossed his fingers and
counted jumping sheep.
! When they were out in the even
ing Mrs. Kellinger had the habit of
/ watching her husband nervously, and
4 If his eyelid twitched she would grab
the person next to her and moan:
tom is going to have another sleep
less night" she would say. He Is
getting the blinksl Poor mani l
don't know what is going to become
of himl Isn't it awful! Dearie!" to
the afflicted one, sit over here where
you won't get the cigar smoke-it
makes you nervous, knowi"
All of this happened before the ar
rival of Mrs. Shandle, who had known
Kellinger at the misunderstanding age
of ten, and had never outgrown the
habit. The first time she was present
at one of these sad exhibitions she
transfxed the Kellingers with a dis
gusted glance ard spoke her mind
Stuff and nonsense, Tommy KEEL
lingeri" said she. Il never heard OF
such tomfoolery! I never saw a per-
son put on the airs you dol Are you
any better than any one else that you
can't sleep as the rest of us do? You
say that your life is without reproach,
and If it is there's no excuse for your
not sleeping The idea Smoke that
cigar and drink that cup of coffee and
so home and go to bed and go TO
sleep You're a perfect goose! l
think the trouble is that your head is
only big enough for one idea at a time,
and you've grown attached to this
sleepless idea and hate to tell it to
move on. I'm ashamed of youl And
your wife is IN easy mark"
Il think she Is horribly rude!" Mrs.
Kellinger kept saying all the way
home. "She doesn't understand your
sensitive nature at all
"Huh?" queried Kellinger-and
yawned. Whereupon he went to sleep
when his head touched the pillow and
Mrs. Kellinger had to set the bulldog
loose on him in the morning to get
him up at all
That andea Ka1l{nvaris frsor,,,;,