davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington herald., 1914-09-27

You knocka me and banga me. and
| TAXA de law on you"
Mrs. Bowser opened the door and tried
to argue the matter with Mr.. Bowser,
but he declared he'd wet his hands in
the life blood Of the next nuisance who
came along. He didn't have over ten
minutes to wait. a junk dealer an UNI
brella mender, tinker and a pop corn
man suddenly appeared in company. and
all were yelling TO drown the notes OF
the band on the corner. Mr.. Bowser
rose up like a Buffalo bull about to make
his last charge, and he was at the gate
as thev halted
old junk, Umbrellas tmend, Fix
your pans. Fresh popcorn" shouted the
four at him as they waved their arms
about.
Mrs. Bowser threw up the window to
call out. but she was too late. Mr.. Bow
ser had sailed in. He upset the junk
cart and junk dealer; he overturned pop
corn cart and pop corn dealer: he filled
the air with old umbrellas and tinker
tools and il was SpiOn Kop over again,
with Mr.. Bowser in place of the BOcrs.
He met the enemy and they were his. and
in five minutes he was in possession OF
the field of battle. He was cheered by
the crowd which gathered, and dozen
Over-pnthusastiC taxpayers insisted on a
speech. man had arisen who had
taken up the Cudgel for reform. and they
wanted to know his policy toward fire.
crackers. baseball anG Siiv-HyiHg. Mr..
Bowser backed up against the gate and
might have given thew al outline. but
before he could collect his oratOry a fat
policeman burst through the crowd and
seized him and said
You old ruffian. But YOU want to get
up riot and disturb half the town, do
you? Come along with me-,
Mr.. Bowser was walked TO the police
court and left in the pen till the judge
was ready to hear his case and say:
You may be citizen and a taxpayer
and a reformist. but YOU have no right TO
break loose and take the law into your
ha, ,Ag HnA Gfr NJ
you are brought here before me again
on the same charge 7 shall feel il my
duty to put you where you can do no
more harm for the next six months
Didn't | tell you how II would end?'
asked Mrs Bowser when he got home
But he said no word in reply. He real
lied that If he ever opened his mouth he
would drop dead.
The Washington herald., 1914-09-27

| damned back the waters flowing down.
! Between the sea and the spot where We
| found the body the ice was from fittv
| to seventy feet thick. II the sun melted
| it for few feet in the summer the rains
| and SHOWS of winter speedily replaced
as clear as glass and as hard as irOU,
but powder was brought from the hrIE.
and holes were drilled. and in a coupls
of days We had blasted out great rift
to half its depth.
Everybody had a suspicion OF what
was frozen in down there, but vet the
thirty feet of ice lay between us us and
the bottom of the ravinP We could see
through il we'll enough to make out the
hull of a ship standing on an even keel.
1t was the hull of a brig. with maSts
gone but otherwise intact We could
even make out the ropes. which had been
frozen stiff as iron while they streamed
along her decks, but there were no bodies
of dead men In sight. To blast out the
remaining depths of ice and clear the
ravine was a task requiring more aid
than we had aboard. We had 70 he con-
tent with what we could see.
Years before-perhapS half a century
a merchant vessel had made that little
hay in distress. Wave and tide had car
ried her up the creek. and wave and tide
had blocked her exit Then she began
to freeze in. No man can say how long
II took for the ice to bury her until IL
was a solid mass fifty feet above her
decks but decades must have passed.
II one of the crew got away up to
the ravine why not all of them? And
yet no other body or remains were to
be found on the island. This man. who
may have been the captain. probably
started out by himself to see If there
was a chance of escape, but in making
his way up the ravine he perished OF
cold and hunger. There was scarce a
hope for the others. II they left the
hulk they were forced to return to it
for shelter and food. There came a day
when food and fuel were exhausted.
when avalanChes OF snow covered the
decks, and the cold of winter froze the
marrow of their bones. and they hid
away in foreCastle and cabin. and died
with open eyes staring into the darkness
Upon our return to London the case was
reported and made much of in the pa
pers. but no government or individual
has ever gone farther than We did. A
hulk lies there full of dead men-a hulk |
which sailed the waters of the frozen
seas half a century ago. and there il |
will lie until time is no more and chaos
reigns again It might be blasted out.
but Of what use? The solving of one
mystery OF the sea more or less would
count for but little.
The Washington herald., 1914-09-27
SANDY BEND JUSTICE
Judge Hoke Tries His Last Case

When Judge Hoke's court at Sandy
Ben was called to order his honor
arose and in a voice that had sad
cadence to II, began:
How long ago was this town of Sandy
Bend founded?'
= answer. thirty years"
Has it been a happy town."
1t has"
Has it been a good town."
None better. We haven't had any
SUNDAY schools or prayer meetings. but
there has been plenty of singing of gos-
pei hymns, and we've allus been willin
to let the reViValist come among us and
tell US what nice, snug place awaited
the good man when he passed over the
divide, and how red-hot it would be made
for the bad man.
We have drank and gambIed and cuss-
cd and taken human life but We have
done il mostly because of the weather
and 10 keep things from falling into
dry rut.
been killed deserved to be put out of
the way, and he got much nicer grave
here than would have been given him
elsewhere. In few instances an inno-
cent man has got in the way of a bull
let intended for some one else but that
is happening almost every day on the
streets of New York City. In all such
cases to make up for the mistake as
rose at the head of his grave.
We have played faro and keno and
poker and rOulette-not Wlckedly, but to
keep money in circulation, and TO pre-
vent the tenderfoot from becoming lone
some and going back East with the roll
he brought out.
I'VE have had dog fights and horse
races and prize fights.
They have them in the cities Of the
East. and it is only now and then that
a clergyman protests.
I'VE have had our holy terrors, from
the head waters of Fighting Creek, but
they have not lasted long. Just a few
Sbrief days. and then they headed for that
unknown land and ceased to terrify.
Unless a man has been caught with
an ace up his sleeve or tried to Jump
somebody's claim. he has had to COM
nit suicide to get rid of himself here.
And about law and orders. We have
never had to have a sheriff here. Up
The Washington herald., 1914-09-27

I've got a feeling" said the cook as
Mrs Bowser paid visit to the kitchen
while Mr.. Bowser had gone to the drug
store on an errand.
What sort of a feeling?" was asked.
AS II I was going to be blown up"
IT'S nonsense. What could blow you
up?''
Mr.. Bowser is always experimenting -
But he hasn't blown any one up.
But something is coming, ma am. He's
! mighty quiet and IN bet he is getting
Don't be foolish, and don't leave the
, teakettle on the stove with any water
| in it"
All went well during the evening, but
next morning when Mr.. Bowser got uI
! there was an uncertain look in his eyes
| that is, Mrs. BOwser was not certain
| whether he was going UP street to blow
| up the butcher or down street to blow
| up the tailor. He was moody and silent
| during breakfast, and as he made nc
move to leave the house after the meal
she kindly inquired If he wasn't feeling
we'll
I'm feeling we'll enough" he replied,
/ but l shall remain at home this fore.
noon. There are several little things
l want TO look into and stralghten out.
and one of them is right at the door
now
DO you mean the fruit peddIer?'
That's exactly what l mean. | am
an old horse and a wabbly wagon has
any legal right TO stop in front Of my
house and shout and yell and shrek and
howl and bawl and roar like that. Just
listen to him, BY the living lingo, but
it's no wonder that We have had FIVE
deaths on this street within the last two
weeks"
But you-you won't 20 and say any
thing to him.
Won't II" shouted Mr. Bowser as he
clapped on his hat and opened the door
and hustled down the steps. while the
family cat and Mrs. Bowser looked after
him.
Strawberries! Cucumbers. Bananas
yelled the peddler at the top of his voice
and with a wave of his hand and nod
of his head toward every house on the
block
Look here, you bowling IDIOT began
Mr.. Bowser as he walked up to him, Il
want to know who gave yOu tho legal
right to murder folks with your voice.
Dye mean my shoutin'?" asked the
man in considerable astonishment.
of course do | want to know If the
law gives you the right to whoop and
Yell and below and shrek and groan in
order to call attention to the hog feed
in your wagon If il does. Ill see that
it's changed. II it doesn't. l want 10
quit"
Say, old man." replied the peddIer.
with a leer. you must have fell out OF
bed this mornin'. I've been selling veEe-
tables for five years. and YOU are the
first person I've met who wasn't charmed
with my voice Better tie a wet towel
around your head and go to bed agin, -
Don't give me any lmpudenCe" shout
cd Mr. Bowser. You may be licensed
to cart vegetables and fruits around. but
you are not licensed to set a thousand
The Washington herald., 1914-09-27

spot overgrown with a short green weed.
As We walked over this bed we suddenly
| found ourselves slipping There was wa
ter under il. and the whole mass gave
way and sent US sliding Into a ravine.
We went slipping. sliding. clutchinE and
pumping full hfty feet before We
brought up. but neither of us was hurt
beyond a few bruises Owing to the
wet grass We could not Chamber out at
that spot. and so continued on down the
ravine. Having presently come upon a
few bones, which the professor pro-
nounced as belonging to a polar bear, We
decided to follow the ravine to its mouth.
II led almost north and south. 1t was
dry now, but there were times when il
must have been filled with water from
bank to bank.
1t was a toilsome journey We made.
but 1t ended at last at a wall of ice
within half mile of the surf. At that
point the depth of the ravine was about
100 feet, and though the sun was shining
above, it was like evening down there.
A few yards before We were brought to
standstill We found the body of a man
lying against the wall of a rock On the
right-hand side and ten feet above our
heads. II was caught and held fast
on a point of rock. We were both a
good deal startled by the grewsome sight.
and had it been sailor with me know
1 should have taken to my heels.
I'VE have a mystery here and must
covered from his surprise. Let us get
the body down and make an inyestiga-
ton"
1t was neither a body nor a skeleton.
The cold had preserved the flesh to a
certain extent. but the action of the wa
ter running down the ravine had also
worn it away. 1t was the remains of
a man who had weighed perhaps 100
pounds, but 1 had no difficulty in de-
taching IL from the rock and lowering it
down What remained of the clothing
proved that the man had either been a
fisherman or sailor but his nation
ality could only be guessed at.
AT some time or other said the pro-
fessor as he looked about this ravine
has been a creek of considerable size,
flowing down to the sea This man came
up the creek from the beach, but We
now find a wall of ice blocking il up.
There should be a boat frozen up in the
wall between US and the sea-
We had nothing to make a torch Of.
and, retracing our steps to a point where
We could climb out of the ravine. we
left the mystery to be solved another
day There was much discussion around
the campiTes that evening and early
next morning we set out to see II the
ravine had once upon a time opened to
the sea. We soon found that it had.
It's mouth had been on. a small bay, but
a Bt6fh1=tfad Allied It with Towfders and
The Washington herald., 1914-09-27

a justice of the peace in and for this
county of Straight Flush, we had a
vigilance committee to see that every
man got what was coming to him. No
mistakes were ever made. Whether the
victim died cursing or singing I Would
Not Live Always he knew that he de-
served what was meted out.
AS a court of jestice this yere court
has done its best to give every one a
squar deal We may have been a leetle
short on law, but we have tried to make
up for it by being mighty long on jes-
tice
I'VE was the first court. high or low,
in this State to recognize that a China
man had rights under the law. Whether
he has a soul or not has never been
decided in a court but we have gone as
far as we could when somebody took q
stray shot at him.
This court has sentenced men to be
booted out of the camp, instead of being
sent to Jail, but il was with a view of
saving the county expense and giving
the critters a chance to reflect and re-
form. A man in jail simply plays poker
with another inmate, or plans horse
stealing job, but man who is headed
for somewhere after being kicked out of
a camp is apt to sit down in the shade
of a tree and think over past and future
and wonder if badness pays per cent
on the dollar.
Why do l speak to you as do? Most
of you can guess the answer.
You see this courtroom in mourning.
You see every saloon and poker room
in mourning.
You have heard that my Red Dog
saloon is for sale at half price, though
Is the leading one of the State.
Foday you will hear women sobbing
ana see strong men sheddin' tears.
why all this grief and sorrow? What
is the cause OF this waiIin like a child
lost in the wilderness?
AS iong as ten years ago we saw
civilization, as they call it. stalking us
ana drawing stealthily nearer We grid
ed up our loins for the fight. We re-
serted the umbrella, the plug hat. the
yalIer shoes and such-like evidences of
people that had passed their prime
and was on the down sfade.
I'VE f1t the cocktail, which are onIy
for sissy men.
We fit the white shirt
'.MA 1T tails to a coat
The Washington herald., 1914-09-27

with such men as that? They are COM
ing along here from daylight till dark,
and every one yells just like this man."
But it's against the law. and / know
il isl shouted Mr.. Bowser, as he struck
the wall with his fist.
Well, there's lots of things against
the law. but you can't change EN-. II
the police permit these peddlers TO yell
and scream they won't stop their noise
for anything you say"
Then I'll break some ones neck
Mr.. BowSer went out and sat down on
the front steps. The fruit peddler grim
ned at him and moved on, but il was
scarcely minute before an old clothes
man turned the corner and set uD his
wells. He had yelled ABOUT sixteen times
before he reached the Bowser gate. and
there stopped and looked at the man on
tn steps and screamed out in agonized
tones:
old clio: Old clio, Cash for old
cIO'.'
Move on. you scoundrel!' shouted Mr.
Bowser as he rose up.
old clio: Old clio! buy old clio for
cash.
BY the beard Of Plato. but I'll have
your life il you don't move on eXcIaim-
ed Bowser as he clattered down the steps
with a tragedy in either eye
The old clothes man ran across the
street. but no farther. and from his new
position he shrieked and shouted and
yelled until he had collected a crowd
OF half hundred people and Mr.. Bow
ser had been forced into the house.
You see YOU can't do anything" said
Mrs. Bowser.
But / will do something" he hotIy
replied. Are all the ordinances Of this
city made for the benefit of such howl
ing demons as that? Has a taxpayer
and property owner no rights? II there
are no laws to protect me, then I'll
protect myself"
Out he went again. and he was Just
in time to encounter a man who had
turned in from Fourth street yelling:
knives RTinl-O' DiVaS n pTiDi-Of
Bring out your knives to grind-O.'
MIR. Bowser walked down to the gate.
He looked like a dangerous man. but the
knife-grinder was willing to take chances
IL he could make a nickel. He halted
his grinder on wheels and uttered his
yell of 'Grind-o" as if Mr. Bowser was
forty rods away He was still hanging
on to the 20" when he was seized and
The Washington herald., 1914-09-27

We fit combs and hair brushes.
I'VE fit the toothbrush till men per-
ished.
1t was when the first stuffed chair ar
rived at Sandy Bend that there was .
riot lasting all day. and the courthouse
was torn down.
We fit and nit. and have continued to
fout. but We have been licked at last
'Tomorrer morning the critter of civil
ization enters Sandy Bend and takes
possession, and there's an end of our
happy days. The locomotive will toot
for joy and our walls will ascend to
Heaven.
With the coming of the first train will
be a judge to bounce me out and give
the town law instead of jestice.
Then will foller the police, to give
you law instead of order
Then the quick-lunch place, the
breakfast foods, and gas and water
plants and the street cars, and liberty
The Washington herald., 1914-09-27

gun now and then. but it will come from
cop shooting at A dog.
Last of all, If you need o grave your
friends have got to buy the land and
bury you in a reg'lar coffin.
Friends. | am done.
Il am done with Sandy Bend. and the
wild and wOolly West
Il thought I could stand up agin any
thing. but the critter called civilization
has put 1t all over me. and ] cry 'nuff.
please go out and leave me with my
tears
The Washington herald., 1914-09-27

banged against the fence. and a voice
rang in his ears:
You Internal nuisance. shut up or TN
break your neck"'
The grinder shut up. He looked into
Mr. BowseTs eyes and became afraid.
However, as he was released after a
minute and told to move on his courage
returned, and he hadn't got more than
ten feet away before he turned and said: {:
The Washington herald., 1914-09-27
No more shooting at the courthouse

NO more shooting at the courthouse
doors,
No more making the tenderfoot dance!
No more melting out iestiCe to the
man with an ace up his sleeve!
You who stay on have got to shave
and have a haircut now and then. You've
got TO wear shirts and collars You've
got TO discard your guns for a cane.
You'll have to eat pork sassage instead
of bears meat. There'n be whisky. but
the taste will be fiat and arouse no en-
thusiRsm. You'll hear the report Of
The Washington herald., 1914-09-27
LIVING JINGO BOWSER
He Proceeds to Right Some Wrongs

mouth, but if you try it on me I'll make
A crowd of children and pedestrians
would have the worst of II. MIR. Bowser
walked into the house The peddler yell
ed "Cucumbers" after him. and the
children applauded, and Mrs. Bowser
said
..Don.t you see Won can't do ANYTHING
The Washington herald., 1914-09-27

peoples nerves on edge by your blasted
howling?"
I'm licensed to do anything l want to-
old kicker!" replied the man. and II
you want to raise a row about it come
on. You look one of the sort who could
take the bread out of a poor man. 8
The Washington herald., 1914-09-27

'Mariar," says to my wife readtn' a
two-column article on Cuba. do you
know how much the Spanish officials In
Cuba stole dur:n' the last year they was
in possession
Ten million dollars, mebbe," she re-
plies
Correct. Marian And do you know
how much American officials stole durln
heir first year of occupation
Il should say about the same"
You are wrong. Mariar. They've only
stole half as much, ana it's the easiest
thing in the world 10 nssSr, that t -. mem EN-
Cubans ought to be grateful 10 us Iur
givin' them an honest government.
When my wife went to the village the
other day TO do some tradin' she come
home lookin' very sober, and when I
asked her what had happened she re-
Eli did you ever hear the like of It?
Flatirons hev gone up cent pound"
ITS the work OF them trusts" says l.
Then why don't We raise aGin' EN-
in our might and knock EN- out?''
I'm goin' to. Mariar. I've bin thinkin'
Of il all this afternoon
How YOU gOin' to do it,
Through buttermilk. The price is 4
cents a gallon now. but tOmorrer well
raise it to and bust these combinations
of capital all to flinders"
But mebbe nobody won't pay - says
she
raise the price of pork
But We aint't got no hogs"
Then Wen drink it ourselves and save
so much hard cider. Buttermilk and the
onion forever.
wire fence man came along tother
day and said he'd put me UP a thousand
feet Of fencin' fur so much.
What's your politics. saws I as he
measured off the ground with his ten
foot pole.
But who you goin' to vote fur"
Nobody tall As both national par
ties is full of corrupshun and the Re
fOrmiSts heVnt got no candidate. l
shan't go to the polls. A man lOokin'
fur honesty in politics hain't got no
show"
'Mebbe. I'm sorry fur you. I said as
he driv his stake at the end OF the thou
sand feet:
'Why?"
Il hate to see an honest man deprived
Of the ballot. Lemme measure the pole"
What fur?" says he.
To see If it's ten feet long"
and he was tryin' 10 beat me out of 25
feet on the thousand.
That's funny" says he when I had
''Oh. not tail, not tall" says I
Whenever come across a man who is
too blamed honest to vote with his
party, I ginerally diskiver that he's doin'
his stealin' some other way
Col Townsend came over and took
seat on the cOrntield fence with me and
said:
Uncle Eli. this ere country seems to
he gOiu' dogs
The Washington herald., 1914-09-27

She does" said I
shes losin' prestige with other ma
tions
She is
There's fraud and corruption from
highest to lowest"
There be"
And the few honest men hev got to
come forward and sacrifice themselves
or We are lost"
That's the idea colonel AS an hon.
The Washington herald., 1914-09-27

will be crushed out and tyranny and
taxation begin.
There will be churches and also hold
ups.
There will be Sunday schools and also
The daily sentinel., 1914-03-20
Weather Conditions Today.

data from telegraphic reports.)
The eastern cold wave has adj
vanced south and east and Is causing
temperatures of freezing or below
north of line drawn from the inte-
rior of Texas to Virginia. Killing
frost with minimum of 26 is reported
at Little Rock; Abilene. Tex. re-
ports %; Sault Ste. Marie, below
zero. Readings of 20 or below are
reported in Oklahoma, Missouri,
northern Kentucky. Pennsylvania and
districts north of those states. West
of the Rocky mountains tempera-
lures are about normal.
A high of considerable energy ad-
vancing from northern Alberta, has
caused fall of temperature in that
province and northern Saskatchewan
and is expected to produce lower tenn
perature in that vicinity Edmonton.
Alberta, reports . above zero; Prince
Albert. Sask., reports zero. In con-
nection with relatively low pressure
over southwestern districts, the AL
berta high is expected to cause un-
settled weather probably with occa-
sional snow in this vicinity.
E. S. NICHOLS,
Local Forecaster.
The daily sentinel., 1914-03-20
WEATHER FORECAST
Furnished by
u. >. WEATHER BUREAU.

For Grand Junction end vicinity:
Generally cloudy tonight and Satur-
day probably snow. Colder this af-
ternoon and tonight.
For Colorado: Tonight aud Sat-
urday cloudy; probably snow. colder
in north portion tonight and in south
portion Saturday, w.
March 10, p. m: Temperature.
40; relative humidity, Sc per cent;
wind, west, 4 miles per hour; wealth
er. clear.
March 20, c a. m: Temperature,
36; relative humidity, As per cent;
wind. east, miles per hour; wealth
er, cloudy.
Highest temperature:r Yesterday,
90; same date last year, so; came
date during, last twentysone years,
81. ast4s
Lowest Temperature: This morn
ing to 8 a. m, 36; this dJte last year,
30; this date during past twenty-one
years, 81.
Mean temperature yesterday, 40,
which is 6 below normal.
Precipitation: During past "a
hours, 90 inch; total since first of
month, .12 inch; normal for this
month, IL inch.