davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
La Junta tribune., 1914-04-25
Mckinney
Dope


A couple Of Jews who were always
3oshing each other met one morning
not long ago.
'6olly. l bet you cigar ! can tell
what you had for breakfast this
morning" said Moses.
II. bet you . good cigar you can't
do NO such thing. Moe"
"You had eggs for breakfast. 6ol-
u. I can see II on your whiskers. :"
''Ha! Ha! That's good joke on
you. Moe. Why II was yesterday
morning I had eggs for breakfast"
When I first started in the direc-
tory business. refused TO spell girls
names in the new fashioned way. l
stuck TO the old fashioned spelling.
and II . girl said her name was
sMaymee' put II in the directory
Mamie However the girl who
spells her name the ordinary way
nowadays is the exception. and un-
fortunate. indeed. is the young lady
with name that cannot be spelled In
some extraordinary way. Therefore
! have lately decided that the ladies'
names will papear In my directories
exactly as spelled by the owners
thereof. So when you see Emmah.
saidye. Byrdee. Mynnie. Merry. Ksth-
eryeen. ct cetera. In the city direc-
tory, do not wonder and think per-
chance the proofreader overlooked =
bet. Not 10. Not even the linotype
operator having . 1T. but merely
the modern name OF . modern Girl.
A eitissa OF s n1lghbosanE villass
vas slowly bat surely wendlns bis
way homeward about two &. m. not
long ago. He had evidently attended
= social session II the DutchmaWs
for his feet aid not track and he
was having . hard time to carry his
load without spilling Il. He WAS nc.
costed BY the night marxhal.
who ar.rc yer and where ar-re
yes goin'? qucried the officer.
"Thish ish IN outrage. offisher.
said the citizen Strengthening up In
. dignified manner. And ! abshlutely
refhuse to answer your inshultins
questions. Let me paash."
"Ahr-r don't get on y'r ear .'Tis
the orders Of the chsfe Of police "a
shtop ivry one after midnisht aad
find out Who he is and fwat's hia
business. II yea doa't tell me Oi'lI
hov 70 take yer 10 the eoolsr."
WELL" said the gentieman With
the load. III IT'S sbshlutsly nsshss-
sasy r. the chief 70 know where
Tn going. you may tell him that
an on ny way - . Lecture"
ny idea Of soasehing exciting b
70 rsds With Seymour Hall In his cas-
while ~ Il drivins forty Or fifty
niles an hour asd haviag bin show
ths places where he aad oshsrs had
aecldeats.
''TAis 10 ths placs whsss % sad
o turned bic car over vhils ~ va
eoiag flsty nilss ~ hess. This Il
~ plaes vhsrs BIZ smith ~ Z
bunp b ~ daSk VIM lsylng b
Soat ~ oasta p tsala iate neeky
Ford. - thsas sDokess That'i
whsss Jla Tlyna vest iaas ~ dies1
vhsa - ~ tsyiae - nake h fssu
pusose - u Jssls y ~ thaa q
Aoas. Thls h ~ bsl1oe ~ NJ
Joass vsas 81 q eboas . yoaF ~
~ vhees ~ " y ~ aas1s" Thoe'I
~ I'D q eeavssaa11eo ! Ne 4
iaoesu - vhils tsaveolns NM 0i1el
- hous-loofi ! 49, M ~ ~
u |HI----- - - = 49, 3
La Junta tribune., 1914-04-25

A.':.. IL: .s'ss ss :s. ss;rf q III. &; .ss. sss
s!en I: wIiI ~, e :: hs'S 7. The sss!ss q z
siectjn9 hoard Of directors tor the
other businsss a. may be properly
e. u. NAPEG. Psssl6snt
,.,.o o a. a. w1nAHiH. Hn.,i ssss''ss',. ss;.s,.
La Junta tribune., 1914-04-25
xsssss 81 Sssss ssssss.ssa
In the Natter es Barnard Huff. deceas.

Notice 1. hs.ssy given that en- Non
& ::s ses =: :'ss = Sy :.ss:s e HGs ~. ::
No. s:s .s: : .:::: s:s:t s:i:s.Ss s:S 2
&: ;::: :.s ~ x s.s -
sias as6 piass asy psrsS0 n Interest
~ % = q any there 8.
nsee4 % u 'Jsssa. cssssaAA Aarcf
NANCY J. ocHtl.1
:s:s s:::s ;s:Si|ss.'.:: ssSsiI|!sss'.s:: 4Ess:stI 4 III
Daily capital journal. (Salem, Oregon) 1903-1919, 1914-08-27
SUMMER QUILTS.
Patchwork Affairs For Use In the
Summer Bungalow.

Patchwork Affairs For Use In the
Summer Bungalow.
There is nothing like the old fashion
ed patchwork quilt for use with four
post bed. Even though the bed be a
copy only of the antique. the quilt
needs to be of the same era, especially
if the room is furnished with rag rugs.
Now and then at fairs and among pri-
yate customers one fipds woman who
knows how to make rag carpets and
mats, and there is nothing more ap-
propriate for the bedroom floors Of the
summer cottage.
Patchwork has periodical revivals
Dut even then it is never entirely out
Of fashion. Many women today hoard
scraps Of silk for this purpose as their
mothers, grandmothers and great
grandmothers did before them.
1t is possible to keep pieces of Ger
tain colors for certain quilts, thus using
blue and white for one room or pink
and white for another. Appliqucs cut
from lowered cretonnes are charming
on dimity bedsDreads In the tins Of
our grandmothers the flowers and
leaves had to be laboriously cut out OF
eoiored patches. then be fitted together
with inhnitesimal stitches. The writer
possesses a wonderful bedspread with
red poppies and green leaves and
stems, worked into border all the
way round the spread.
Squares Of patchwork were the first
sewing put into the hands OF tiny
maidens in those days and served as
daily stint for years to come.
Daily capital journal. (Salem, Oregon) 1903-1919, 1914-08-27

be nine, ! sleep with ardent zeal; then.
IN this withered heart of mine. new
energy feel | murmur, as l don my
rags, How foolish Is despair! don L
indorse those dismal wags who say that
life 5 snare. ] m glad that / have
work to do, and wish l had some more:
IN gayiy toll the long day through. en-
loying every ehore. feel as fresh and
Tree from aches as Adam, ere his fall:
bring on your wildcats and your snakes,
and | shall whip them allli Oh. sleepl
IL Is the only dope that 5 never known
TO fail, that brings new courage. faith
and hope, when man is tired and stale.
s. Sc s:....:.l' l=:'s s..,,,. INs.kaIss..
Daily capital journal. (Salem, Oregon) 1903-1919, 1914-08-27

heart is sorer than
a boil, / have so
many woes.'' While
grumbling thus I
start TO snore until
hedsprings rock, and
then, for seven hours
or more, l sleep
around a block. Ah,
far and wide my
snores are flung, till
wakeful neighbors
yell; l learned to
sleep when / was
young, my tutors
taught ME well. For
seven hours mr. NAV
Daily capital journal. (Salem, Oregon) 1903-1919, 1914-08-27
TrMBER KINGS WILL.

Los Angeles. Aug. 27.-Tae win Of
tne late Frederick W. weyerhaeuser.
the timber king, Is on file here today.
y dlsposes Of property valued at s5s.-
WV IN Los Angeles county. inelnding
hts BONE At Oak Knoll near Pasadena.
NO mention Of the total value Of his
property is given. His eight chilaren
will share equally in the distribution.
Daily capital journal. (Salem, Oregon) 1903-1919, 1914-08-27
SLIPPER FANCIEs.

Eccentric Ideas In Dancing Shoes :"
the Smart Woman's Exploita''oo'
The season brings to light anlons
other eccentricities the dancing snOs
Of patent leather with series Oh eEOss m
ed straps, on one set Of which appeAl1
a tiny watch. The shoe has the usu1. .
buckle. the watch being located Jus'
on the ankle.
Sandals are worn by women WIZ y
in for freakish fashions. In rMN
Daily capital journal. (Salem, Oregon) 1903-1919, 1914-08-27
Casters on IN. Table.

Many weary steps can De saved hy
providing the kitchen table with cas-
ters so that it can be easily moved
from place to place. In dishwashing ii
may be moved near the SINK and cup-
board; in fruit canning. near the stove,
and SO on
Daily capital journal. (Salem, Oregon) 1903-1919, 1914-08-27
SLEEP

l 90 to roost tired out and sore. and
sigh, while yet awake, ''There's no use
living any more, life 5 such a grievous
fake. It's nothing but round of toll
and tears and things ike those; my
Daily capital journal. (Salem, Oregon) 1903-1919, 1914-08-27

Evidently the press censors are out of lob in Mexico
Yesterday dispatch said boodless battle had baan
fought between the consttutonasts and gang Of rebel
hous federas This is the first boodess battle fouobt
or at least reported since Carranza came into the lime
light. NV 'iie ilile
Daily capital journal. (Salem, Oregon) 1903-1919, 1914-08-27

Under the laws just passed with regard to admitting
foreign built ships to American registry the Stars and
Stripes will become numerous on the seas as thev are
at home Every country and cline will see the old flag
that adverse and asnne legislation has kept off the hgh
seas for half century or more.
Daily capital journal. (Salem, Oregon) 1903-1919, 1914-08-27

VIII the very statistical Oregonian nleaso o,.,,,ou
TINS! If the price of sugar has been advanced two cants
pound by the war because do not produce enough
to supply the home market how high would sugar have
gone II the tariff had been left on it? and who would have
been benefited by the increased price? 80 -
Daily capital journal. (Salem, Oregon) 1903-1919, 1914-08-27

Inc American soldiers at Vera Cruz have won the
Iflendsmp OF the Mexcans by their uniformly gentle
latter go long way toward reconcing tba ane
to being in state Of seige '~1' S''e''iies
Daily capital journal. (Salem, Oregon) 1903-1919, 1914-08-27

Some OF those globe trotters have notified the F0ro-
Pean netel Keepers that they cannot pay their bs u
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1914-08-27
HIS TURN TO MAKE MISTAKE
John Dawson May Have Meant to Be
Neighborly, or Perhaps He Thought
He Had Bargain.

sam Showalter was having a sale of
his surplus stock. To start the sale,
he led out milk COW, one of the best
OF his herd, and tCid the auctioneer
she was four years old John Dawson,
a long, leathery, weather-beaten fell
low with a shrewd eye, bid in the
COW. He gave Showalter a check for
the amount, and said he would come
for the COW the next day
I tell you, john" said Showalter.
when Dawson rode up the next morn
ing to lead home his purchase, 81
made mistake yesterday ! said that
COW was only four years old; but when
/ talked it over with the old woman
last night, | remembered that she is
elght years old. 1t was another cow
altogether that l had in mind
i didn't want to let a mistake like
that go with neighbor," continued
Showalter, whose word was not usual
ly accepted as entirely dependable
IN the community. $50 | thought the
fair thing to do was to tell you, and
JN'~" ~ you tdhS JOui CnSCh DdCh, anu
III keep the COW"
Dawson squinted his eye approvingly
at the cow-she had every mark of
a good milker-and then looked ap-
praisingly at Showalter
Well, SAM" he said, turn about Is
fair play. You made a mistake yes
terday; I'll make one today, and just
keep the cow."-Youth's Companion.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1914-08-27
MILITARY DISCIPLINE

In many ways military organization is the most
peaceful of activities. When the contemporary
man steps from the street. of clamorous insin-
cere advertisement push, adulteration, undersell-
ing and intermittent employment, into the bar
backyard he steps to higher social plane
into atmosphere of service and cooperation
and of infinitely more honorable emulations.
Here at least men are not flung out of employ
ment to degenerate because there is no imme-
date work for them to do. They are fed and
drilled and trained for better services. Here at
least is supposed to win promotion by
selfforgetfulness and not by self-seeking. And
beside the feeble and irregular endowment of re
search by commercialism its little short-sighted
snatches at profit by innovation and scientific
economy, see how remarkable is the steady and
rapid development of method and appliances in
naval and military affairs!
Nothing is more striking than to compare the
progress of civil conveniences which has been
left almost entirely to the trader to the progress
in military apparatus during the last few decades
The house appliances of today, for example are
little better than they were so years ago. A
house of today is still almost ill-ventilated,
badly heated by wastefu fires, clumsily arranged
and furnished the house of 1858. Houses a
couple of hundred years old are still satisfactory
places of residence, SO little have our standards
risen. But the rife battleship of so years ago
beyond all comparison inferior to those e
possess; in power, in speed, in convenience alike
No one has a use now for such superannuated
things.
The conceptions of order and discipline. the
tradition of service and devotion of physical fit
ness, unstinted exertion and universal RESPONSE
bility, which universal military duty is now teach
ing European nations, will remain permanent
acquisition, when the last ammunition has been
used in the fireworks that celebrate the final
peace.-H G. Wells.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1914-08-27

the number of gallons of oil and the number of
gallons of water used in the engines. dynamos
and auXili2res
Competition thus engendeyed and intelligently
rewarded for success or faflure has compelled
study of the enlisted by the officer which
has resulted in & feeling of mutual interdepend-
which has brought officer and in
relationship which makes snobbishness on the
hand and misunderstanding ON the other more
nearly impossible every day.
To fit the to his position of maximum
usefulness in the navy demands, therefore,
change in existing mechanism of effort The
only thing necessary is to coordinate and to
direct to a given end the forces already in
istence on every ship and at every station of the
navy.
This given purpose is twofold in character.
First, to use the navy to give education, broad
mindedness and personal efficiency to each Of
fcer and enlisted man in the service, training
each individually to give the highest possible
returns in actual useful effort for the money
expended for his pay and training
This first aim will send forth among our citi-
zenship each year approximately 1000 men, each
of whom is qualified by his industrial training,
by his association with officers and men of diff
ferent nations, by his habit of mind of intelli-
gent comprehension and quick well-dsciplned
action and by his broad understanding of world
politics. to act as a center for spreading knowl-
edge of discipline of good citizenship, of the
highest ideals of mental physical and spiritual
efficiency through every section of United
States.
Second from the body of men thus qualified
the employer will be able to select, from exact
records, the fitted in every respect for best
efficiency in any given position. Letters from
of the largest employers of labor in the
country show that they employing men
holding honorable discharges from the navy and
getting from them higher efficiency than from
the average man.
Give greater certainty of direction to the IN
dustrial education of each man and it is not pos
sible to avoid the conclusion that greater eff
cheney still will result.
Let pass to consideration Of the ma
terial side of the navy. Do you realize that
when a ship of feet visits a foreign port
she carries on board practical complete, work
ing demonstrations of the best and latest Ameri-
can-nade types of machinery?
Suppose I am mine owner in Rio de Janeiro.
1t is my desire to install S250,000 pumping
plant in the mines under my direction. The
feet visits Rio de Janero and I go on board
the ship as a visitor. In the engine room and
ing so smoothly and efficiently and with 50 small
Immediately with the fact that those pumps
made by American manufacturer, the
only ones that will serve my purpose
In other words the actual demonstration of
the machinery has overcome any means brought
to bear by foreign manufacturers to convert me
to their product
A systematic use through the consular service
of the possibilities in this line would, it seems
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1914-08-27
81
GEORGE
A[l
coexehoA- - erOpcE ABE

the class of '0S who could not Sing
arose and did So
Then each guest had to take a
Tablespoonful of Cafe Noir and two
Cigars selected by a Farmer Student
who had promised his Mother never to
use Tobacco.
1t was now after 10 o'clock and time
to 90 Home. Those who had started
/. to tune up along in the Afternoon were
dying on the Vine Others, who had
tried TO catch even on the So Ticket,
felt as if they had been loaded with
Pig Iron. Up at the Long Table enough
Speakers to supply a Chautauqua Cir
cult were feeling of themselves to
make sure that the Manuscript had not
been lost. Each thought that he was
the Orator of the Evening.
The Committee had put on the Toast
Program every one who might pos
sibly take Offense at not being Asked.
Also they had selected as Toast
master a beaming Broncho whose Vo-
cal Chords were made of seasoned
Moose-Hide and who remembered all
the black-face Gravy that Billy Rice
used to shoot across at Lew Benedict
when Niblo's Garden was first opened.
After every Commute Address he
would spend ten minutes in polite kid
ding of the Last Speaker and then an
other 10 Minutes in climbing a Noun
tain Height from which to present the
Next Speaker.
Along about Midnight the towards
and Cutters began crawling out of
Side Doors, but most of the Loyal Sons
of Old Bohunkus propped themselves
up and tried to be Game
Before l o'clock a Member of the
Faculty put them on the Ropes with
40 Minutes on projected Changes in
the Curriculum.
At 1870 the POSTMASTER was making
Speech No. s and getting ready to
spring the Oldest Living Graduate
Protected by all the Gray Hairs that
was left to him he began to Reminisce,
going back to the Days when it was
considered Great Lark to put Cow
in the Chapel
The Toastmaster arrived home at
a. N. and aroused his Wife to tell her
it had been a Great Success.
MORAL-If they were paid SO a
Head to stand for it, no one would at
tend.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1914-08-27
He FOLLOWED THE CROWD
Uncle BiIIy's Idea Was All Right, But
as It Turned Out II Spoiled His
Visit to Fair.

Uncle Billy walked into the village
store about the middle Of TIE after
noon, and the storekeeper, waking
from his nap, said: Thought you q
gone to the state fair
i did, was the brief reply, as
Uncle Billy helped himself to chair.
Didn't you like it,"
Uncle Billy looked round cautiously.
The other village loafers were haV-
ing a game of horseshoe" in front OF
the blacksmith shop; so lowering his
voice, he said, confdentially, III tell
you how it happened. I hadn't been
to the state fair for 20 years, so
wasn't on 10 it very we'll l decided
Id keep an eye on the crowds, and
folIer where they seemed the thick
est. Well, It worked pretty well.
went around to a good many fine dis
plays and shows and things. About
noon, I saw a lot Of fire dressed folks
goin' all in one direction, so I took
after en-. They all pushed and
damned to get through an archway
and I pushed. too Well, what dyOu
guess it was7"
GIVE it up" the storekeeper said
eager for the climax
We'll they we're all city folks, goin'
home to dinner, and there l stood on
the outside / wasn't goin' to pay no
so cents to get back in, so I lit out
for home I thought I'd stop in here
for a spell, to keep the family from
askin' questions about my gettin
home so early. YOUTHS Companion
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1914-08-27

This feeling is based upon the fact that the spe-
cialized industries of today demand specialized
education. Vocational training in the public
schools, in extension courses and the still more
highly specialized training of the corporation
schools are all long steps in the right direction.
An accurate fitting of the round peg to the
round hole demands, however, something in adj
ditiOn to the above. The navy requires 81 trades
to administer to its needs. All these trades are
under the common direction of one head. Each
ship contains modern machinery for each trade
to attain maximum efficiency.
Does it not seem possible that during the
four years of the enlistment period the natural
capabilities of each man might be worked out
in such a way to practically insure locating
this man in any profession to which his par
ticuar type of brain and mental and physical
equipment best At him?
Fitting the individual man in the navy to his
position of maximum usefulness means a care
full personal, unselfish consideration of the am
billions and capabilities of each man by the off,
GERS under whom he serves. Mutual understand
ing between officer and enlisted man in the navy
is being developed at a wonderfully rapid rate.
In the first place very large majority of the
work in the navy is with machinery. officer and
both in overalls.
The officer is Mr. Brooks, for example, and the
man is simply Smith" but that is practically
the only distinction between the officer and the
man, except such is given by the power Of
the officer to serve the enlisted man and to
bring him to his highest point Z efficiency.
In the forward turret of the ALBANIA, for ex-
ample. the ordinary seaman in charge of the
hoist motor has found that tightening a certain
clutch viii give greater speed to, his car
Mr. Brooks 1 think little change will give
US quicker ammunition supply"
What do you recommend?
The man then explains his idea and the entire
turret crew gather around to discuss the advis-
ability Of the change. Each member of the tur-
ret crew is just as vitality interested in the sue
cess of the turret as the officer is, and each
knows that his best effort is absolutely essential
to the maximum score of hits.
In this way machinery on the ships has proved
a great force working toward intelligent democ-
racy in the navy.
The second force tending to draw officer and
man together is the fact that the efficiency of
each officer and man, from the commander In
chief to the latest recruit on board is matter
of exact record.
THE shots that hit are the shots that count"
and, incidentally, they the only shots that
count.
The number of hits of each officer for each
man for each shot of each gun is put on the
record of the officer and the enlisted man and
becomes matter of public knowledge, published
in the newspapers of the country, advertising
the efficiency of each if the score is good enough:
and -on the other hand advertising ineffciency
if the score is bad enough.
The engineering competition applies the same
exact methods to the number of pounds of coal,
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1914-08-27
FACE FULL or PlMPLES

4240 So. California Ave, Chicago, Ill.
About a year ago my face was full
Of pimples and red spots. To sleep
one night without itching was almost
impossible Some of the pimples
would get big and red and if touched
them they would pain, while others
would get white heads on them and
when they broke open some matter
came cut. They would burn and itch
and l scratched them so that some
times they would break and bleed.
That always caused them to be worse.
Il bought all kinds of salves and
creams and I found out that they did
me no good. 1 noticed the Cuticura
Soap and Ointment advertisement and
I sent for a free sample I went to
the drug store and bought a cake of
Cuticura Soap and some Cuticura
Ointment and I found the pimples
were drying out In two months I
was we'll" (Signed) Chas. ]. Peck,
May z, 1914.
Cuticura Soap and Ointment sold
throughout the world Sample of each
free, with 32-p. Skin Book. Address post.
card "Cuticura, Dept. l., Boston. ADV.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1914-08-27

She-How much do you love me?
He-Every way.
She-TeIl me about it.
He-But I have
She-Tell me all about it.
He-Oh, my darling
He-'Oh, my darling"
She-Tell me all the ways you
know. Besides, you may have missed
something And l like to hear it all
over again.
He-I love you!
She-But how?
He-Why, for the moment I can't
quite think-but-I love you.
She-But can't you tell me how you
feel?
He-Oh, I feel, I feeI-why, l love
you. What more can say?
She-Oh, dear, it seems so dread
fully unsatisfactory.
He-Never mind. If I could tell you
about it in Just the way you want me
to it wouldn't be love.-Life.