The Lamar register., 1914-07-29
AUGUST
McAdamg,

August gets its name from Angus
tus Caesar, who invented watchful
waiting. He was great nephew OF
julius Caesar, and came to the throne
at time when the situation in Egypt
was about as delicate as any in Ro-
man history. Mark Antony, the gov
ernor of that province, was dancing
the tango every night with Cleopatra
in the royal palm garden, and the af-
fairs of Rome on that side of the
Mediterranean were fast going to pot.
The senate wanted to fire Mark, but
Augustus knew better. 1t was the
height of the Chautauqua season, and
Mark was the best orator in Rome.
Augustus knew very well that if he
were deposed he would take to the
circuit and plunge the empire into
civil war. He advised watchful wait
ing. A keen student of human ma
ture, he knew it would not be long I'M
til Cleopatra would ask Mark to give
up Rome for her, and that there would
then be fight in which the Egyptians
who smoked cigarettes, would be OPP
posed by the Romans, who smoked
cigars. 1t turned out exactly as he
thought, and after losing the battle of
Actium, in which their flat-chested CO.
horts were easily defeated by the le-
gions of Rome, Antony and Cleopatra
leaped from one of the pyramids into
the River Nile. Rome, always CRATE
full to those who preserved peace after
the long series of wars which led to
the assassination of Julius Caesar by
Brutus and other peace advocates,
changed the name of the sixth month
in the Roman calendar, Sextilis, to
August. Thus two Caesars have their
names perpetuated in the months Of
the year, the one addicted to conquest
and controversy, and the other quietly
slipping his grape juice.
The busy Congress shall desist
From work and worriment at last,
And file a tabulated list
OF all the Legislation passed.
The Congressman who never rose
To say word shall do the rest,
And rapt chautauquas at the close
Shall pin a medal on his breast.
The way was long for those reforms
in which the party calls US blest, and
many evil looking storms have render
ed perilous the quest; but having an
chored at the last where all is quiet
and content, we shall not turn to look
aghast upon the way the matter went.
1t is enough that we should know bow
watchful waiting won the day, how
Huerta quilted Mexico, and what the
other powers say; that currency has
been reformed and never shall be
scarce again; that all the trusts are
being stormed by Prudence and her
merry men; that evildoer is control
led, the giant Privilege is dead, and
all remains for us is to hold on tight
and catapult ahead.
The Palm Beach suit will grace the
scene
Where summer fashion turkey trots
And rivulets of gasoline
Will watch for blemishes and spots.
The love that changeth with the moon
Will bloom again by bights and
bays.
The spinster will achieve the boon
Of being loved for seven days,
The summer man will softly urge
His ring around from peach to plum
And some grass widow will emerge
Displaying it upon her thumb.
The festive calf will wrap his tail
around his withers swatting flies, and
nothing cooling shall avail against the
fury of the skies. The swimming hole
will get so green the boys will have to
skim the scum, the fragile flowers on
the scene will sadly curtsey and sue
cumb, the ambulance will dash about
for folks who monkeyed with the sun,
the weary hired man will shout for
gladness when the day is done, the
soda fountain clerk will shove the
more impatient off the bar, and men
will get some notion of exactly where
the wicked are.