davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Watertown weekly leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1912-1917, 1914-07-14
FABLES 3d. 81
IN NNlN(I[)
81 ANC ADE

Helva Headache, there is but one
thing for a Wise Ike to do and that is
to Chop on the Festivities and beat 1t
to Rest Cure.
That is Just what the well-fxed
Bachelor decided to do.
He resolved to Marry and get away
from the Bright Lights and lie down
| somewhere in a quilted Dressing Gown
and pair of Soft Slippers and devote
the remainder Of his Life to grand
cleanup OF the Works of Arnold Ben
nett.
He selected well-seasoned Senorita
who was still young enough to show
to your Men Friends but old enough to
cut out all the prevalent Mushgush
about the Irish Drama and Norwegian
Art and Buddhism and true Symbolism
of Russian Dancing.
Best of all, she had a spotless Repu-
tation, holding herself down to one
Bronx at Time and always going be-
hind Screen to do her Inhaling.
They we're Married according to the
new Ceremonies devised by the Ring
ling Brothers. AS they rode away to
their Future Home, the old Stager
leaned back in the Limousine and
said: "At last the Bird has Lit. l am
going to put on the Simple Life for
an Indefinite Run. | have played the
Hoop-La Game to Standstill, so 1t Is
me for Haven of Rest"
AS soon as they were safely in their
own Apartments, the beautiful Bride
began to do Flip Flops and screech for
Joy.
'At last I have a License to cut
loosei" she exclaimed. For years
have hankered and honed to be Dead
Game and back Excitement right off
the Boards, but every time | pulled
Caper the stern-faced Mater would be
at Elbow, saying: Nix on the Aero
battles or you'll lose your Number.
Now I'm a regular honest-to- goodness
Married Woman and | don't recognize
any Limit except the Skyline.
grabbed you because | knew you had
been to all the Places that Keep Open
and could frame up new Jamboree
every day in the Year. I'm going to
pillow an eight-foot Furrow across Eu-
rope and Dine forevermore at Swell
Joints where famous Show Girls pass
SO close to your Table that you can
almost reach out and Touch them.
I'm going to Travel twelve months ev-
cry Year and do all the Stunts known
to the most imbecile Globe-Trotters."
A few Weeks after that, Haggard
Man with tattered Coat-Tails was seen
going over the old familiar Jumps.
MORAL: Those who Marry to Es-
cape something usually find Something
Else
The Watertown weekly leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1912-1917, 1914-07-14
The Mammoth Microhe.

THE microbe craze is good thing"
said DR.. Egbert r. Hewittson, the we'll
known histologist, at a dinner at At
lantic City.
Yes, the microbe craze is a good
thing. 1t has cleaned up the world.
1t has put lot Of diseases on the run.
But, at the same time, it has it's
humorous side.
Il frequently urge my little son to
have nothing to do with dogs or cats,
because they are full of microbes.
This morning, however, | came upon
him on the beach playing with a stray
mongrel. But just as l came up he
quilted the mongrel hurried,y.
Papa" he said, tits true about
dogs having microbes. A big black
microbe just jumped out Of that dogs
coat and lighted on my hand"
The Watertown weekly leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1912-1917, 1914-07-14
The New Fable of the GalIoping Pill
grim Who Tried TO Sit Down
by the Wayside.

A certain afluent Bachelor hap
pened to be the only Grandson of a
rugged Early Settler who wore a Coon
Skin Cap and drank Corn Juice out of
a Jug. Away back in the Days when
every Poor Man had Bacon in the
Smoke House, this Pioneer had been
soaked in a Trade and found himself
loaded up with a Swamp Subdivision
in the Edge of Town.
Fifty years later the City had
spread two miles beyond the Swamp
and Grandson was submerged beneath
so much Unearned Increment that he
began to speak with what sounded to
him like an English Accent and his
Shirts were ordered from Paris.
On the 1st of every Month the
Agents would crawl into the Presence
iOf the Grandson of the mighty Musk
rat Hunter and dump before him
.Wagonload of Paper Money which had
been snatched away from the strug-
igiing Shop-Keepers, who in turn, had
wheedled it from the People who paid
a Nickel apiece for Sunday Papers 80
az ~ ACOh at bbC 1CIuI 60 VI TIC LSSO-
rations in the Supper Room at the As
sembly Ball graced by the Presence of
the aforesaid Bachelor whose Grand
father had lifted the original Catfish
out of the Chicago River
Then the Representative Of the Old
Family would take a Garden Rake and
pattern all this hateful Currency into
neat mound, after which a milkfed
Secretary would iron it out and disin-
feet 1t and sprinkle it with Lilac Wa
ter and tie it into artistic Packets,
using Old Gold Ribbon
After that, it was Hard Lines for the
Bachelor, because he had to sit by
Window at the Club and dope out
some new Way of getting all that
Coin back into Circulation.
AS a result of these Herculean Eff
forts to vaporiZe his Income, he found
himself at the age OF 40 afflicted with
Social Gastritis. He bad gorged him
self with the Pleasures of this World
until the sight Of a Menu Card gave
him the Willies and the mere mention
of Musical Comedy would cause him
to break down and Cry like a Child.
He had crossed the Atlantic so often
that he no longer wished to sit at the
Captains Table. He had rolled them
The Watertown weekly leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1912-1917, 1914-07-14
HIT THE SPOT.
Postum Knocked Out Coffee Ais.

There's a good deal of satisfaction
and comfort in hitting upon the right
thing to rid one of the varied and
constant ailments caused by coffee
drinking.
Ever since I can remember"
writes an Ind. woman. "my father
has been a lover of his coffee, but tho
continued use Of 1t SO affected his
stomach that he could scarcely eat at
times.
Mother had coffee-headache and
dizziness, and If I drank coffee for
breakfast would taste 1t all day and
usually go to bed with q headache.
"One day father brought home
pkg. of Postum recommended by our
grocer. Mother made it according to
directions on the box and 1t just hit
the spot" It has a dark, seal-brown
color, changing to golden brown when
cream is added, and a snappy taste
similar to mild, high-grade coffee, and
we found that it's continued use speed
lily put an end to all our coffee ills.
THAT was at least ten years ago
and Postum has, from that day to
this, been a standing order of fathers
grocery bill.
when I married, my husband was
a great coffee drinker, although he
admitted that it hurt him. When
mentioned Postum he said he did not
like the taste of it. l told him
could make it taste all right. He
smiled and said, try 1t. The result
was a success, he won't have any,
thing but Postum"
Name given by Postum Co., Battle
Creek, Mich. Read "The Road to
MELVILLE" in pkgs.
Postum now comes In two forms:
Regular Postum-must be well
boiled-15c and 25c packages.
Instant Postum-is a soluble pow
der. Made in the cup with hot wa
ter-no boiling-30c and SOC tins.
The cost per cup of both kinds 10
about the same.
There's Reason" for Postum.
sold by GrocerA
The Watertown weekly leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1912-1917, 1914-07-14
DRESSING THE LITTLE ONES
Ideas of Practical Mother That Are
Worth Consideration by Those
Who Must Practice Economy.
One mother, and a wealthy one,- at

that. has let 1t be understood that
she has very positive ideas on the
ethics of children's dress. She holds
to the simple designs in girls
dresses because, for one reason at
least. a child can sooner learn to
dress herself when the garment is
deprived of all fntricacy as to getting
1t on and off, For this season she has
the frocks and aprons fastened in the
front, either in the middle or else in
Russian fashion to the side, where the
child can reach and see the fasten-
ings. Then she eliminates buttons
and buttonholes, for, although the
items of time and expense and mend
ing may not be great on one frock, it
does count up when one thinks Of all
the dresses and wear and tear of a
year. Instead of buttons she uses
most often snap fasteners, for they
are most easy for the child to manage
by herself.
The Watertown weekly leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1912-1917, 1914-07-14

Pray when the light is breaking for wis
dom and strength and grace;
Pray when the day has ended and the
stars CLEAN cold in space
But the day was made for toiling; let the
monk in his cloister pray;
out in the world is duty claiming your
care by day;
COO In the great beginning wrought with
mighty hand,
Pausing not till His glory spread over sea
and land
They are the lost who humble prayers
when the sun is high,
Turning away from duty, fearing to dare
or try;
Sitting in dark seclusion, self1shly asking
there
Glory in heaven as payment for the zeal
that they show in prayer;
over their heads the cleaning sword Of
destruction swings,
While God in His mercy listens to the
men who are doing things.
The Watertown weekly leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1912-1917, 1914-07-14

all kinds, of green things that one
should have a salad at least once
day upon the table.
The reason for the cause of indi-
gestion after eating salads is not so
often due to the combination as the
manner in which it is masticated.
Sour cream with a bit of sugar,
lemon juice and seasonings make a
most acceptable dressing for any num-
Der of vegetable salads This is es-
pecially nice for a fruit and nut COM
bination also. Let the sugar dissolve
in the lemon juice and then stir it
into the cream.
Olive Oil Dressing.-To one-half cup
full of lemon juice allow one cupful Of
olive oil. To the lemon juice add
half teaspoonful of salt, then add the
oil slowly, beating rapidly until it be-
comes white and creamy, add cayenne
and serve very cold.
Lemon Salad distinguishing a
third of cupful of lemon juice to the
boiling point, stir into it three well.
beaten eggs, turn into a double boiler
anu COOK uuLll The L01Ch6nS,
stirring constantly. Chill and when
cold beat into it third OF a cupful of
olive oil, little mustard and salt with
a dash of pepper.
Mayonnaise Dressing.-This is a
dressing which has been given SO
many times that 1t would seem as if
everybody knew how it was made. If
good, sweet, nutty oil is used there is
no equal to this dressing. Have every
thing used in the making of mayon-
naise ice cold and if carefully made
it will not separate. The yolks of two
eggs, four tablespoonfuls Of lemon
juice, l " cupfuls of olive oil, half-tea-
spoonful of salt, teaspoonful of pow
dered sugar, a dash of cayenne. Beat
the egg until thick add the season
ings and begin to drop the oil a few
drops at a time, beating all the time.
AS the mixture thickens add the lem
on juice a few drops at time until
all of the oil and lemon juice is used.
If it curdles, beat another egg and
add the curdled mixture slowly to it.
The Watertown weekly leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1912-1917, 1914-07-14

high at Monte Carlo and watched the
Durhar at Delhi and taken Tea on the
Terrace at Shepherds in Cairo and
rickshawed through Japan and ridden
the surf in Honolulu, while his Name
was a Household Word among the
Barmaids of the Ice Palace in London.
otherwise known as the Savoy.
Occasionally he would return to his
provincial Home co raise the Rents on
the Shop-Keepers and give out an In
terview criticizing the New School of
Politicians for trif1ing with Vested In
terests and seeking to disturb Existing
conditions.
Any time his Rake-Off was reduced
from $40 Minute to $99S he would
let out a Howl like Prairie Wolf and
call upon Mortimer, his Man, for Sym
pathy.
After Twenty Years of getting up at
Twilight to throw aside the Pyjamas
and take a Tub and ease himself into
the Costume made famous by John
Drew, the Routine Of buying Golden
Pheasants and Special Cuvee Vintages
for almost-Ladies, preserved by Ben
zoate of Soda and other Chemical
Mysteries, began to lose it's Sharp
Zest,.
In other Words, he was Al In.
He was Track-Sore and Blase and
sore as a Crab and full of Ongway. He
had played the whole String and found
there was nothing to it and now he
was ready to retire to a Monastery and
wear a Gunny-Sack Smoking Jacket
and live on Spinach.
The Vanities of the Night-World had
got on his nerves at last. Instead of
sitting s Feet away from an Imported
Orchestra at A. NJ. and haunting his
poor old Alimentary System with Sea
Food, he began to prefer to take a 10
Grain Sleeping Powder and fall back
in the Alfalfa.
About Noon the next Day he would
come up for Air, and in order to kill
the rest of the Day he would have to
hunt up a Game of Auction Bridge
with three or four other equity old
Mavericks.
When the Cartons begin to burn low
in the suffering Arc Lights along the
Boulevard of Pleasure and the Night
Wind cuts like a Chisel and the
Reveler finds his bright crimson Bran
nigan slowly dissolving itself into a
The Watertown weekly leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1912-1917, 1914-07-14
Feminine Diplomacy.

Most diplomatic girl l ever saw,
chat Miss Eastlake."
she's engaged to young Horrocks,
isn't she?''
Eyes, and do you know how she
caught him? He's very frugal sort
Of chap, you know. Well, he invited
her out to dinner one evening, and she
refused to let him order anything
glass of ice water for her. On the
spur Of the moment he asked her to
go again some time, and before he
knew it she had him.
The Watertown weekly leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1912-1917, 1914-07-14
Took Gold fer Her Nerves.

Pulverized gold as remedy for
shattered nerves figured at Kansas
City In a suit for $500 damages
against the Metropolitan by Miss
Maud Wilson, a teacher il the Georga
Baker Logan school Miss Wilson
was struck by street car in 1912,
and testimony in the circuit court re-
Gently brought out the unusual treat
ment she required. Gold was admin
istered In one-sixtieth of a grain
doses.
The Watertown weekly leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1912-1917, 1914-07-14
Velveteen aa PoIisher.

VelVeteen which has served its Dur
pose as dress or blouse should he
preserved and made into polishing
cloths. In this connection velveteen
is almost as good as a chamois leath-
er, and cannot only be used for OBJ
taining a fine polish on satinwood
and mahogany furniture, but as a
means of frightening silver and
plated goods. When soiled the velye-
teen may be successfully cleaned BY
washing it IL 8 soapy la.her.
The Watertown weekly leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1912-1917, 1914-07-14
School Erocks.

School frocks for little girls have
wide sashes and collars Of Roman
striped silk, a knotted tie matching
the collar and sash. Such a frock Is
OF dark blue mohair, made in simplest
fashion with low waistline and skirt
wfdened by inset pleats at the sides.
A broad sash of striped pussy willow
taf1eta is knotted around the low
waistline and a narrow collar of the
same striped outlines V-shaped neck,
striped silk tie emerging from under
the collar. In the V in front, Is set
chemisette OF fine white machine EN-.
broidery.
The Watertown weekly leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1912-1917, 1914-07-14
Hard Luck.

They say that when Mr.. and Mrs.
Sproggins were in that shipwreck he
actually fought to have his wife put
in the first boat that was lowered.
Then he remained and was almost the
last man to leave the sinking vessel"
Wasn't 1t too bad" remarked Mr..
Henpeck, that after taking such pre-
cautions he and his wife had to be re-
stored to each other within three
days?"
The Watertown weekly leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1912-1917, 1914-07-14

inal frock was a blue wolfe entirely
self-trimmed save for the girdle, which
was of self-tone messaline A little
guimpe of white net with neck ruffie
Of the same peeped above the neck
Of the frock. The deep shoulder yoke,
one with the upper part of the sleeves
and trimmed il mousseline-cCvered
buttons. The lower portion of the
body was gathered into this yoke.
The skirt consisted of three ruff1es
very full and untrimmed
The Watertown weekly leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1912-1917, 1914-07-14
Original Suggestion.

A very pretty way of renewing old
furniture in a child's room is to paint
it with robins egg blue enamel. When
dry stick on underneath each keyhole
in drawers of dresser or chiffonier
very small pink-tinteu designs of roses,
cupids (Which one finds on old valen-
tines, postals, etc. and when well
stuck on In place give them a light
coat of shellac. The effect is very
pretty.
The Watertown weekly leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1912-1917, 1914-07-14
Hic facet.

bennington has bought the spot on
which he proposed to his wife, and it
is his intention to erect upon it a lit
tie shaft
Il never would have supposed he
was as sentimental as that"
Eyes And on the shaft are to be
carved the words: Here Lies Free
DON'T"
The Watertown weekly leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1912-1917, 1914-07-14
DeHed,

81 will bide my time" Kissed the
villain.
"All right" said the lovely maiden;
"go ahead and b1de."
you bet 1 will! I'm one of the
best biders you ever met!"
But 1t happened in play, and he
got his just before the end of the
fourth act.
The Watertown weekly leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1912-1917, 1914-07-14
TRIUMPH OF MoDIsTE's ART
Costume of Pompadour Silk Is One
Of the Prettiest of Styles of the
Present Season.

Like breath of flowers is the beau
tiful costume of pompadour silk which
has been pictured here Black and
white is inadequate to show the ar
tistic picturesque beauty of this gown.
The blouse and draped tunic were of
Powered silk having a cream ground
with shaded flowers in pink and blue
scattered over It The corsage open
The Watertown weekly leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1912-1917, 1914-07-14
Ie<kG zA~,<s~eN-.
Evidently Had a Grudge.

"The day isn't far distant when the
man in the flying machine will look
down upon the automobilist," said the
prophetic youth "And let us hope,
too," replied the weary old pedestrian,
that he'll fall down on him, too
The Watertown weekly leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1912-1917, 1914-07-14
Stamina a Trial

do you think you have sufficient
counsel for my boy?" Yes; we have
a spread-eagle orator, a sob specialist,
an insanity expert and little cuss
VINO knows the law. if We need any
law"
The Watertown weekly leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1912-1917, 1914-07-14
AN INDICATION.

ivan Dobbs in
herited a fortune,
didn't he?"
II don't know.
Why do you think
he did z"
"He has one.
The Watertown weekly leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1912-1917, 1914-07-14
CorroboratIve Suspicion.

"Do you know, there is great deal
of gossip about Miss Bunnie's eye
brows"
Yes, but do not believe they are
black as they are painted"
The Watertown weekly leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1912-1917, 1914-07-14
Diplomacy.

'Mr. Spriggins is the most diplomat
ic man / ever knew
Il have never noticed it,
"Why, he can give an order for g.
meal and arrange it so that the waiter
will have to pronounce the French
name of every dish on the bill of fare"
The Watertown weekly leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1912-1917, 1914-07-14
They've All Been Used.

Yorke must have terribly exag-
gerated ego"
"Why?"
He thinks he could make living
finding euphonious names for sleeping
cars and new brands of cigars"
The Watertown weekly leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1912-1917, 1914-07-14
ADAPTED TO ANY MATERIAL
Pretty Frock That Has Many Things
to Recommend 1t to the Woman
of Refinement

Although the original of the little
frock in the drawing was developed in
cotton wolfe, 1t would be pretty in
number of other materials The orig
The Watertown weekly leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1912-1917, 1914-07-14
Horses Easily Battle Trained.

A naturally brave animal, the horse
can be trained to stand the roar of ar
tillery and the shock of battle better
than any other. Many seem to delight
in IT
The Watertown weekly leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1912-1917, 1914-07-14
Probably Not.

THE cave man used to bang his
bride over the head with a club and
walk off with her."
What Of it,"
II don't suppose the girls cared to
rehearse the ceremony as they do
nowadays"
The Watertown weekly leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1912-1917, 1914-07-14
The Naughty Dog.

my new dog ignores me-"
IF you had a pedigree as long an
his you'd be exclusive, too"
The Watertown weekly leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1912-1917, 1914-07-14

a rule. We need
the mineral mat
ter which is found
in vegetables as a
builder and toner
of our blood. At
this season there
is such a bewil-
derinp variety of
The Watertown weekly leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1912-1917, 1914-07-14

1t is only as an afterthought that
some people ever realize they have
been too previous-Cleveland Leader.
The Watertown weekly leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1912-1917, 1914-07-14
a ChiId's REASONING.

pa" said little Egbert, who had &C
companied his father into the hotel
for the purpose of finding out whether
the childs Uncle Benjamin had ar
rived, who was that man you spoke
to?"
THAT was the hotel clerk"
'TI bet when he goes to heaven
Saint Peter won't have the nerve to
ask him any questions"
The Watertown weekly leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1912-1917, 1914-07-14
EMPTINESS.

The empty barrel makes a sound
That echoes when It's slaves you pound
The Watertown weekly leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1912-1917, 1914-07-14
Moral: Wait.

Il heard Miss Darlington refer to
you yesterday, Judge, as legal
light"
"Ah! Charming girl! I've always
admired her very much"
weight"
The Watertown weekly leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1912-1917, 1914-07-14

Hard work is plan that seldom
fails to work.
The Watertown weekly leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1912-1917, 1914-07-14

Winter, summer, fall, or spring,
Empty boasts the loudest ring.
The Watertown weekly leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1912-1917, 1914-07-14

Reverberating noises come
When you beat the empty drum.
The Watertown weekly leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1912-1917, 1914-07-14

Empty ships the highest loom;
Empty pockets have most room.
The Watertown weekly leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1912-1917, 1914-07-14

One day at time! That's all it can
be;
No faster than that is the hardest
fate;
And days have their limits, however
we
Begin them too early and end them
too late.
One day at a timei
IT'S a wholesome rhyme
A good one to live by,
A day at a time.
Helen Hunt Jackson.
The Watertown weekly leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1912-1917, 1914-07-14
HOT WEATHER BEVERAGES.

one does not care to keep over makes
a most delicious drink when dissolved
in water and sugar added, also a bit
of crushed mint with ice.
Old Colonial Mint Cup.-Steep in
sufficient hot water to extract the
strength of a large bunch of fresh
mint, then add the juice of six or
anges and two lemons. Meanwhile
dissolve over hot water half an ounce
of gum arabic. soaked in half cupful
of cold water 20 minutes, add a cupful
of sugar and cook until it spins a
thread Pour this boiling hot over
the stiff1y beaten whites of two eggs,
beaten until cold and smooth, stir in
the mint water and fruit juice. Dilute
to the required strength with car
donated water and serve in tumblers
with cracked ice.
Ginger Cobbler.-Dice in q large
bowl one pared cucumber, two or
anges and three lemons. Sprinkle
with powdered sugar, cupful, and
pour over cup of preserved ginger
strip, let stand on ice for several
hours to chill and ripen, then add a
cupful of cold sugar strip and two
quarts of ginger ale. Place block
of ice in punch bowl, strain in the
punch and serve garnished with red
raspberries.
The Watertown weekly leader. [volume] (Watertown, Jefferson County, Wis.) 1912-1917, 1914-07-14

Wagons weighted down with tons
Rattle less than empty ones.