The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1914-07-20
ne CHORTLEs ~ ms JOY.
In n Wiltcd World Chockiui oi Troubles
the Colonel Il n Wcilhcad Of Delight.


To THE EDITOR oF The SuN--Sr: We
nave been having a lot Oi misguided
weather, and we have Mr.. Bryan and
the flag wasn't slluted by Mir fiuerta
and they tell me the price Of ham and
has gone up FIVE cents on Park Row ana
tho baseball situation Is rather mess
and the polo cup IN gone. and Carpcnticr
licked Gunboat and there isn't much In
the newspapers except accounts Of Sc
lectcd ladies shooting people. or such and
factories are running on part time and
employees are being laid off and widows
nd Wall Street wall AT the price OF New
Haven and mop" and the railroads are
grunting because they are not permitted
to earn money. and their stockholders
grunt with them and Mr. Clanin is haV-
ing his troubles and with him lot NJ
other people and the benehcent new tariff
isn't lcsscning the high cost OF living.
And young gentlemen rock boats In tho
usual way on park lakes and drown pub
llcly: and tho subway electric fans blow
II splendid breeze out OF the cars through
the upper ventilators and females unfeel-
ingly and Unfortunately wear few and
far between garments distractingly and
males persplre In Just the same old
clothes and way. In spite OF athletic
underwear and IL you dance. you melt
your collar and give yourself dead away
and If your office IN within half a mile of
the being constructed great new steel riv-
eted Equitable Building, you can't hear
yourself telephone. and 1t rained on ST.
Swlthins day, dad blink him.
And they tell u the pleasant open air
band concerts are conducive to "inmu-
rally" among the people. and the
movies give photo plays" OF heavy
punk productions instead Of bright,
"snappy" little "sklts' and the regular
theatres give nothing but leg exhibitions
for the benefit Of visiting "Rubes" and We
have the drug crusade" and Mr.. VII
sons new freedom and all these things
are gricvous. sorcly trying and hard to
bear but--oh. happy happy, soul refresh
ing but we still have. like "A gorgeous
parting OF prismatically lovely rays ~
sunshine through dun cOlored rain clouds,
like we'll Of gushing sweet water in an
arid Saharan desert gloom. like a blast Of
revivlfyinR trumpets in the still dead
level of despair, we still have Colonel
/ Theodore Roosevelt and all the JOY. the
chuckle. the Singer and undiluted delight
Of him
Fancy. In the very midst OF all this
gray. parlous time. the Colonel suddenly
puts forth an official statement or pronuu-
, ciamento. pulslnglv dictated, all In the
busy days work, on "A yacht on the way
home TO supper And with this one t'ngle
fell. Jovelikc Illumination of righteous
wrath. the whole fabric and structure Of
the Whitman Gubernatorial candidacy
comes tumbling down. with the candidate
himself buried In the ruins. quiv"ringly
transhXed by the spear that knows no
fellow
what, says the statement or pronuu.
/ ciamento en- effect" OF course. YOU un-
dorstsndD. what. Charles 5 Whitman
! &C. $. W. Poltroon. q" hat, | shall
never allow It, Anathema maranatha :,
, Let him bc boiled in oil and gibbetcd
/ higher than Haman! or course ] posi-
! lively, uncquivocally and unrcservcdly say.
=.
/ stances will | run Tor Governor myself /.
perish the thought But suppose ! should
, change my mind and decide to! What :
/ Whitman Whitman tn" rubber stamp of
/ bosses" lin league with Murphy and
! Barnes" utterly tricky and insincere,'
! "hopelessly timld weaklng'
Yes. go on aud laugh. everybody {.
! Chortlc, "Hupclessly timid weaklng" !
/ oh isn't /; fun, Forget the weather,
taxes. subway crushes business. pleasure,
/ family. week end sunburn, everything. and
just chortle! what matters auGht IN this
august and solemn Vale OF Tears while
. We have the dear Colonel
/ Whitman toh, chor'le, chortlc, chortle)
/ "hopelcssy timd weaNling' Whitman,
| who didn't issue statements or pronun-
ciamentos. but just went ahead and liter
| ally took his life In his hands and did
/ that which couldn't bc done, At any rate
| II wasn't while the Colonel Wa Police
Commissioner and talking. and cleaned
! out the dark places whore no man had
| dared to go before and convicted Becker
| and Gyp the Blood and his kind. and four
police inspectors and innumerahlc others,
| grafters, rascals. slavers and murdercrs.
high and low! Whitman. whom all the
gunner In the land would joyously iii
full of holes as they did Rosenthal. IL they
dared II they dared The peopl" would
rend them limb from limb on the spot,
verify. the dear Colonels own dear people
the county would be put 10 no expense for
| Il trial
"Hopeesslv tmid weakling, rubber
stamp, afraid Of Boss Barnes CChortle
chortle. chortle, oh, my soul > &C., $. W.
! Whitman. the hopelessly tmid wcakling
And the Colonel, lighting hero Of the Bat
tie OF Word of Mouth and intrepid dis
coveror of tho River ~ Doubt
- mcrciful heavens. faint from
ChurtlinE my wctkl,ug sides cave In
But with this our last breath let us cry
out blessings upon the Colonel. FOR II In
this our time of gloom We die, We die
oXuberautly. eNplosively, Joyously, of
bursting laughter!
ON. wow EVERY Man.
NEW NoRE. July Is