Bismarck daily tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1881-1916, 1914-07-25
Such IS Life
n iii a :
Big City

All the boys IN SarAh,s SCI SuI1er-s
ed from matrimonial string-halt. The
only way they could troqt IN pairs was
to turkey trot. They would not
break to harness.
whistle q wedding march and they
would leap for the front door and
vanish into the night.
Their idea Of giving q girl q Joyous
occasion was to take her to q dance
ones In three months and buy her
an ice cream.
The price Of two tickets to q
theater looked as big as the side of
a house to them, but they were big
boosters for the moving picture show.
The could talk e~ntertainingly about
the best shows as viewed alone from
the family circle, but they became
tongue.tied when q girl mentioned
that she hadn't seen q good show
this winter.
Take 1t from Sarah, she had them
all numbered and labelled. She said
they were too stingy to pay the min
lister for tying the knot, and that the
prospect OF rent and coal bills gave
them the cranlp.
But single blessednoss palled on
Sarah. She called 1t cussedness.
She was handicapped by the fact that
she would not wear q slashed. hob.
bied or any other skirt that she could
not sit down In.
BesideA she. belonged to the church,
that didn't like triangle or sex prob:
lem plays. She could see the time
coming when she would decorate
either the wall or the upper shell.
She noticed that when one OF the
wisenheimers was ~c0rralled and
branded the girl who did the trick
generally had her kitchen training
from ! dancing academy or Q stem
ugraphy school.
They knew about as much about
cooking . meal CT victuals for a hun
Cry husband as a COW knows about
dancing the make.
One fine day Sarah swofe a solemn
oath that she would get square with
the short sighted, narrow minded.
misery shrimps II she had to kidnap
3 man.
But fate was double blinded md
cr0ssaeyad. All the automobiles acct
dents happened In front Of other
girls houses, and she. never got q
chance to nurse q wealthy stranger
back to life.
II she tainted IN front Of q nice
young mans house some fabcrer
would lug her into q drug store and
try to make her drink Whiskey.
II she pretended to drown 9 hund-
red yards off the beach the official,
life saver always beat the handsome
automobile agent to the rescue.
But one day IN aged banker with
q barrel Of money ran her down with
his automobile. He took her TO the
hospital in his car, sent flowers and
called every day. When they were
married he gave her q house in the
city and four automobiles.
He lasted long enough to draw up
q will cr---g off his relatives and -!
each and giving her about $1,000. OaO
besides the country estate.
When Sarah went back to the vii;
lage to sec her ma she went In a.
limousine and arrayed in Z gown that
the yilalge girls called scandalous,
but cost $4,000.
! All the dear little boys who used
to duck the halter held q convention
at her mas to welcome her home
Sarah took them riding in her cars,
taught them the make and, n ny
one, gently led them up to the mo
.ment when they knelt on the parlor
rug and told her It must. be yes"
or suicide for them.
When Sarah had put them all
through the mill and handed them
blanks she married her chauffeur
and the boys went back to work.
Which shows that the persistent
bird really nails the reluctant worm
-sometimes.