The Mankato free press. [volume] (Mankato, Blue Earth County, Minn.) 1879-1924, 1914-07-10
A Biting Wit.

A Biting Wit.
Chamberlain was always noted as a
difficult statesman to interview for a
newspaper.
One day while talking with friend
In a London hotel he was approached
by a diffident young man with the
timed question:
May l speak with you for a mo
mentT
Certainly" said the minister.
Il can't say IL here" said the youth
Let US go TO one side"
The bashful young man led Cham
berlain into n dark corner. where he
explained:
IL am on the staff OF the - and
would like to get your views ON the
Transvaal question"
Very well,'' said the statesman.
with a dark and mysterious look.
Come with me-"
He led the young man reporter
through several corridors and rooms to
the darkest corner he could find. and
then. after looking about carefully TO
see that the coast was clear Of possible
eavesdroppers, Chamberlain whispered
this piece Of information:
My friend. really don't know any
thing about It."
When Chamberlain was Liberal he
was quite as biting In his wit at the
expense of the Conservatives as he
afterwnrd became In grilling the Lib
erals. One instance Is yet talked OF in
parliament II occurred just after the
return of Lord Salisbury from his ne
gotiations with Bismarck. Salisbury's
speeches I'm the house OF commons, so
II Is said. contained a number of Ifs"
and this gave the cue to Mr.. Chamber
lain for one Of those retorts which
raised him In the forefront OF debaters.
During a speech in the house he said:
What the honorable gentleman has
said reminds me Of a rime l learned
from my nurse:
IF all the seas were bread and cheese.
II all the rivers were ink.
IL all the lakes were currant cakes.
What should we have TO drinkf'
In his Sunday school days Mr. Cham
berlain wore an eyeglass. but no or
chIl. He always kept on his hat and
overcoat and carried his umbrella
while teaching. He was fond of walk
ing about the room as he taught. and
when, as sometimes happened, one Of
the tired factory lads In his class
showed unmistakable signs OF drowsi-
ness the teacher would point with his
umbrella to the sleepy boy and say
Good night. Jones. I have no objec-
ton to your going to sleep. only please
don't snore"
Chamberlain was distinguished for
many things. and one was his aversion
to other physical exertion than that
necessarily involved In making n
speech. William VI. Evarts was asked
some years before his death what was
his explanation Of his hale old age Il
do not know" he replied. unless II is
that I take the least possible physical
exercise" Mr.. Chamberlain might
have said the same thing in view OF
/ his apparent youthfulness at the age
Of seventy. He had no physical diver.
sions. He disdained exercise. Climb
ing stairs was an abomination to him.
He would take a bus rather than walk
a single block. Here Is his own state
ment:
~ do not cycle. do not ride. do
not walk-w can help II. I do not
play cricket. I do not play football.
do not play tennis. I do not even play
golf. which I have been assured Is an
indispensable condition Of statesman
ship"
Looked Like Ladies Doctor"
The following is Justin McCarthy's
! famous description OF Mr.. Chamber
lain's first appearance In the house of
commons:
/ II can well remember the sensation
which his first speech In the house of
commons created among the ranks Of
, the Tories after bis election to parlia-
ment as one OF the representatives OF
Birmingham. The good Tories made
no effort to conceal their establishment
: MT the difference between the real
Chamberlain as they saw and heard
him and the Chamberlain Of their ear
lier imaginings. Judging from his po-
lltical speeches. they had set him
down as wild republican. and they
expected to see rough and shaggy
man. dressed with an uncouth disre-
gard for the ways of society. who
would probably scowl fercely at bis
opponents In the house and would de-
Ever his opinions In tones Of thunder.
The man who rose 10 address the
house was a pale. slender. delicate
looking and closely shaven parsonage.
very neatly dressed. with short and
carefully brushed hair and wearing n
dainty eyeglass constantly tixed In bis
eye"
HE looks like a ladies' DOCTOR" one
stout Tory murmured.