davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1914-03-16
WHEN cARUso SINGS
The Scene IN His Dressing Room Be-
fore the Opera Begins

The Scene IN His Dressing Room 5e'
fore the Opera Begins.
The opera was Aida" Caruso was
to sing Rhadames. and he was In the
dressing room. In his train came his
two Wallets Wonderful indeed were
they. Celebrity and dizziness raised to
the nth power, with silencers on their
feet. they passed and repassed each
other in inconceivably small spaces
without once touching each other or
humping into their lord and master.
Caruso sits before a stationary wash
stand. and one Of the Wallets hands him
q toothbrush and powder. Then for
three solid minutes by his Swiss move
ment watch does Caruso cleanse and
scrub and polish. The ever alert dress
ers stand behind him. watchful for
shrug Of his shoulders, which they i'm
mediately interpret into command
Caruso takes a long breath. and he
needs it, It must be a signal, for one
of the Wallets has a glass of warm wa
ter in one hand and in the other big,
round pasteboard box full OF little
brownish crystals. Caruso takes a
handful of the crystals and drops them
into the warm water, where they dis
solve Immediately.
That's gargling salt" he says. II
use it for my first gargle."
The gargle takes four minutes, ana
then comes the vaporizer. A glass OF
water containing bicarbonate OF soda
and glycerin is placed on little stand.
A rubber hose connected with the va
porizer is put into the glass, and a
thin. forceful sputtering spray shoots
out full foot Into this tiny Calling
gun spray Caruso plunges. mouth open.
Then the heavy artillery answers the
little Calling gun, for Caruso coughs
back at the spray. chokes. bellows and
sputters. Into each nostril. then deep
down into the throat. go the bicarbo-
nate of soda and glycerin over and
over and over again until Caruso
coughs no more
The vaporizer bath has taken eight
minutes by Caruso's infailible watch.
but the end Is not vet. There is cold
water gargle-steriliZed water. please
minus the salt. to follow and that in
turn by spray for the nose only.
Only about six shifts apiece for each
nostril and the spray is put away
Then menthol and vaseline on alb
sorbent cotton attached to long Sticks
and Caruso swabs out his throat with
these as gunner would a cannon
pilates the throat he says be-
tween gasps. One more gargle OF cold
water and the honhge to the throat n
finished. 1t has taken twenty-five min
utes.
On goes his bathrobe, and he is in
the corridor-smoking cigarette.
TWENTY-FIVE minutes of hard work he
has given to that throat, and now he
is calmly smoking cigarette and in
haling every blessed puff of 1t. Shades
of bicarbonate of soda. OF .gargling
salt. Of glycerin and Of menthol. of
what avail are you when nervous
man wants a cigarette and wants IT
now?- Charles BIoomingdale. Jr., in
Eafurtlav Evening Post.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1914-03-16

Price remarks: "If future trading was
abolished the price of cotton wouio
foil with a crash that would shake our
financial foundations. Thoughtful iead-
ers are not likely to allow agitation
beyond stage of inconsequent debate.
Much gossip in Chicago on the Ger
man failure to control futures and re-
sumption OF same due to absolute ne
cessity OF protection for continental
farmers.
Four-month cotton decline should De
terminated. May cotton sold from
$3.50 in October to around Sll.oo re-
Gently. This $50 point slump Is IN
itself a premier factor. On world
costs 111sc cotton is fair price. me
bearish side of any customary Marcn
or April adjustments are well dis
counted
Drifted abroad is the bearish bulk OF
the 1918 cotton yield Worlds supply
is ample but the situation calls for
reconsider Grafton OF factors-a proceed
ing that should defeat bear attacks
during next 80 days.
Tang of a slowly hardening hog cost
is felt in provisions. Lard stocks are
sloppy" but the hog price carries ALI
burdens. Summer hogs destined to be
high Western hog run feels loss OF
the $500. 900 hogs in Minnesota, Iowa,
Nebraska and Kansas as compared
with last March
Iowa hog population in January last
OF $500, 900 was 1900, 900 below 1913
and $500. 900 below 1912. Iowa needs
9. oOO, 900 hogs The Illinois total OF
4 1900 900 was 100000 below recent
January averages. These facts now
tell.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1914-03-16
POULTRY CULTURE
ARTICLE XVII.

Feeding for Winter Eggs.-lf theirs
be any secret in feeding for winter
egg. i. is included in the following:
Provide an abundance OF water, plenty
of green food lin the form OF alfalfa
leaves, cabbage, beets or sprouteo
oats), grit. grain, dry mash and 90
not leave out the meat scraps. AS
winter Is not the normal season for
egg production, therefore food must
be supplied much MOI" literally than
in the summer. If only enough is
given to maintain body heat, eggs
will not be Forthcoming. There must
he a surplus of the elements that en-
ter into the composition of the egg.
The dry mash provides these.
Composition of the Egg.-An egg is
60 per cent water and 50 per cent solid
matter The shell of the egg is IL per
cent; the white is 81 per cent and the
yolk is 80 per cent OF the whole
weight. The shell is composed of car
Donate of lime. The content of the egg
or the edible portion. comprises 23.I
per cent water, 1874 per cent protein,
1O.5 per cent fat. and one per cent ash.
AS food. one dozen eggs is equal to
Valued at 80 cents.
The standard weight of a dozen
eggs is "A ounces. Some breeds lay
larger eggs than others. Barred Rocks
ard Minorca eggs are much larger
than the eggs of the Leghorns or Or
pingtons. The sweepstakes dozen of
eggs at The Illinois state show In 1872
were Black Minorca and weighed 81
ounces. In 1913 the heaviest dozen
weighed 81 ounces. II costs more to
produce large eggs than small ones,
because the food required to produce
large egg is greater and the number
lid is less. The average cost of pro-
duction of a dozen eggs is 13 cents.
So long as eggs are sold by the dozen
there will be more profit in keeping
hens that lay eggs of standard size.
Profit in Eggs.-The egg is the real
financia proposition in poultry cul-
ture. If it costs so cents to grow a
fowl under farm conditions and that
fowl is sold on the market for 80 cents
there is surely no profit in that to the
producer. On the other hand, If the
hen is kept year at the cost of 81
and. under good average treatment,
she produces in that time Il dozen
eggs which are sold at an average
price of 20 cents, there will be a gross
income of $40. or a net income of
$40. A thousand hens would yield
ret income OF s1,40O. II pure bred
fowls are kept, and these are sold at
the end of the period for double the
cost OF feed they have consumed (and
this would not be an extravagant
price, the net income from the flock
would be increased TO S2,400 for
thousand hens. Many poultrymen do
better than this.
Culiing the Non-Layers.-It is i'm
portant to feed only hens that lay
eggs. The trap nest is undoubtedly
the most efficient method for detecting
the non-layer. but it requires much
time, labor and expense to carry II out
effectively and is therefore hardly
practical for the average farmer and
breeder who does not make a special
ty OF poultry culture. The Potter sys-
tenn which takes into account the po-
sition and condition OF the pelvis bones
is helpful as it enables one 10 deter
mine whether hen is actually laying,
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1914-03-16
hSSSeEheatre

conjunction Of author, dramatlst ~.
Queer and stage director is reacs.I
The last scene Of this great dram,,s.
spectacle Is one that will live fors,..
in the history of the American dram,
It shows the reunion OF the noths-
daughter and son, after tiieir year, I,
suffering. the great white light ~.
Mount Olivet indicating their hezll.-
at the hands of the Master. Tbers I,
woe, despair and the accumulate -
fering OF three wearied souls =
brought out in this scene. until in 4.
presence of the Light, relief Con-
and, on its wings, the ecstatic JOY ia.
reunion brings, sending a ms,
through the audience that never o.,
to make lasting impression.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1914-03-16
A Personal Preference.

A well known magazine writer moved
not so very long ago from Brooklyn TO
California. On the day before the fam
lily started west he went for walk
through the neighborhood with his
four-year-old son.
II suppose" said the father. that
you'll be sorry to leave all your little
chums here:'
The youngster thought he would. At
that he did not seem 10 show much
emotion ut the prospect of parting
from all his friends.
Which one will you miss the most ?"
inquired the parent.
The boy was not sure
Now" pressed his father. (which
little boy of all the little boys you know
do you like the best"
The little chap considered a minute
before answering.
We'll" he said at last. II guess /
Ike myself pretty wellr'-Saturday
Evening Post.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1914-03-16
WEATHER CONDITIONS.

: An area OF low pressure which Is
central over northern Michigan has
been attended by occasional showers
IA the lake region and by cloudy skies
o. Ear eastward as New England
Rains have also fallen on the extreme
north Pacific coast High temperatures
prevail I'm the Ohio valley and the
lower lake region An area Of high
PRESSURE and lower temperature eJ-
,ends from the north Pacific coast 10
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1914-03-16
Drift Of the Weather.

Illinois. Missouri and Wisconsin
Fair tonight and Tuesday; cooler to
night and Tuesday.
Minnesota, North Dakota. South +Da-
kota and Nebraska-Fair tonight and
Tuesday: moderate.
Iowa-Fair tonight and Tuesday;
Slightly cooler tonight.
Kansas-Fair tonight and Tuesday;
cooler in eastern portion tonight.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1914-03-16

Chicago aad Kew York markets eur
n:shed b. Z. W. Wagner & Co. mem
bers Chicago Board OF Trade: grain.
provisions. stocks and cot,ca; private
wires 20 all financial centers. Core
srondden:s on the New York Stock
an. Cotton Exchanges. Tri-ciiy Office
g. suite 500 Best bIildins. Phone
Rock Island $50.
p.J. MCCORMICK. Manager.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1914-03-16
Cotton, Securities, Exchange Lesisla
ton.

Chicago, March Insecurity news
Is tumble. Business volume is below
a year ago, but the trend is not entire
~ indicated. Uncle Sam. acting as
referee in Mexico. has stronger silent
control than anticipated. Railroads
must struggle through several years of
over-capitalization troubles. Steel COM
panies are also living TO some extent
on past profits. 1t is a mixed market.
AS TO exchange legislation, Theodore
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1914-03-16
Local and FOREIGN

Catue-Receipts. 10000: steady; 1Oc
up.
Sheep Receipts. e2.ooo; strong.
Nine O'clock Market.
HoRs-IOc lower. Mixed. ss.OOa
SIS; good. ss.65ds.s5: rough. ss-4O9
$50: light. ss.5O6ss2; pigs, $3.50
s.s5: bulk. ss.7OGs-sO.
Cattle - Steady TO 1Oc hisher'
Reeves. s7.OOas.60. COWS. sS.75as.So;
stockers. $6.5Ods.OO; Texans, sS.5oq
s.45: calves. $1,000 1850.
Sheep-10c MP. Sheep. s4.oono .zo'
lambs, S5.65d7.9O.
Close OF Market.
Hogs steady at early prices. loc
lower than Saturdays average. Mixed
IS 5oaS.S5: good, ss.65d SIS; rough,
SIS. 4Od $50; light. $500 $50.
Cattle steady. 10c higher
Sheep 1Oc higher.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1914-03-16
Wnndrrful Mouae.

ooh. mamma exclaimed small
Willie. I'm sure there is great biz
mouse in my bedroom"
Did you see it, DEAR she asked.
NO. l didn't see the mouse" replied
Willie. hut l heard it wagging ip
tail.'-Chicago News.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1914-03-16
CHICAGO LIVE STOCK.
OPENING Market.

HoesReceipts. $4,000; left over
zz14. 1Oc lower. Mixed. $500
$50; good, ss.s5d $50; rough, ss.4od
$50; light, $s.45ds.s7.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1914-03-16

the lower Missouri valley. The east
ward movement of the northern low
and the northwestern high will be at
tended by fair weather I'm this vicinity
tonight and Tuesday. with slightly
cooler tonight.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1914-03-16
FickIe.

Popularity Is very tickle" excisim-
ed the offha nd ora tor.
whats the trouhle:
Every time 7 get crowd interested
in my remarks an automobile Tire
blows out and the audience rushes OF
to see what the matter is."-Washing
TON Star
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1914-03-16
THE MPIR E.

High class vaudeville and taDioids.
Matinee 2:45 and evening SID. except
Wednesday and Sunday, when lhere
are two shows at 1880 and 9:lo.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1914-03-16
Visible Supply.

Visible Supply.
Wheat-Decrease today. 5000; last
week 5e.ss4. 900: last year. 62.24S.00O.
Corn-Increase 1.Ii2.OOo; last week
20.26s, 900; Last year 21.1s1.00O.
Oats Increase 10000; last week
2o.sI5, 900; last year 12,S45,0O0.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1914-03-16
AT THE ILLINOIS.

March 1.-THE Tango Olris' priv
gressive burlesque.
March 20-Lecture-
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1914-03-16
TODAY'S MARKET QUOTATIONS

Illinois Central ..............'.f lo
pernsvIvania lbs
rio ISIS
Chesapeake & Ohio .:.......... 521s
brooklyn Rapid Transit -....-.. 92
baltimore q Ohio ............- SS-s
Atcbison ............ s6:s
American Locomotive ..-.-..... 341z
Sugar -.....-....---.. luo
81 paul 9S1a
Conner ........6 734
Lehigh Valley ............-.-...l lao
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1914-03-16
Chicago Cash Grain.

NFi(dSO Se@''
Wheat-No . =, 941zds5; No. T.
asae4: No. . h. 92lz d922.; No. h,
aaI.. No. l rs. 95al n 9es4: No. ms,
e4@s5Ik: No. ms. $685.; No ms,
eo1e2; No. s. 94G95; no. 3 $, 92q
%; No. s. eOde2: No. VIC, s41z a
e5: No. 2 vc. 931z 941a; No. 3 VIC, %
dss1z; No. l durum, Ella 80; NO.
drum. eO691; No. ; durum. ssdso.
Corn-No. 2. 6s1z G67i4; no. 2 y, 81;
No. 9, 616651z: No. 3 ", 651z q Sc;
No. 8 Y. s8G651f; No. 4. 5s1s a61; No:
4w, so964; No. y. 6o1z G62; SO, -
G5sh.
Oats-No. 2 ". 4OI4: No. , W, 3s@l
@as; No. ". 3Sd3s1s; standard
se& GAO; sg. 35z d37-
Liverpool Cables.
Wheat opened unchanged to Il up;
closed Il to u up.
Corn opened = up; closed up to !
Off
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1914-03-16
To Share a confid-nce Binds.

Confidence always pleases those who
receive il. 1t is 4 tribute 10 their
merit. n deposit we commit TO their
trust. a pledge that gives them claim
upon us. kind of dependence 70
which we voluntarily subrnit-lA
Rochefoucauld.
Being our own master means mat
we are at liberty 10 he the slave Of our
own foIlieS. caprices and PASSIONS
Schiller.
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1914-03-16
Southwest Receipts.
Market Square Sales
March Il, 1914.
ocAI MARKET CONDITIONS.

March 16.-Following are the whole
sale quotations on the local market
today:
Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1893-1920, 1914-03-16


. S~sa o. s S ~
Lower coast gazette., 1914-08-08
S0CAL|STSDEPU1Y
ASSASS|NS VICTIM
N. IAUREs, LEADER IN FRENe"
CHAMBER, IS SHOT DOWN.
DIES IMMEDIATELY.
OPPONENT OF M|LI1ARIsm
Victim Just Returned from 'nte'"e
+,onal Socialist Congress to FRO
test War-KiIIed for Opposing
Three Year Military Law.

paris.-Jean Leon Jaures, the noted
socialist leader, was assasslna'eu
while dining in a small
Moor tho bourse. The assassin was
arrested. but refused to disclose NE
,dentitv. Later he was Identified as
Raoul villain, 20 years old, and sa'u
to be the son Of a clerk OF the CIVIL
court at Rheims. . =,
Louis Malvy, minister OF interior W
LEARNING of the crime, left the meet
ing Of the council and ordered precau
tions to be taken to prevent demon
%trati0ns. o,,o
M. .Jaures was seated at a table
near an open window, facing the Rue
Mont Martre, chatting with seVera'
socialist deputies and the editor o.
L,Humanite. As though by pre.ar
raneement. the curtain covering the
window was lightly brushed ASIDE ant
a hand holding a revolver was tnrus
through. -,
BEFORE M. Jaures could move ne re
ceiyed two bullets in the back Oh q.
head. He fell forward, dead, with III
head on the table.
The reports of the shots startled tn
diners and ~passersby and the assassl
was seized. In his pocket was al
other loaded revolver. The ponce r.
cued him from the crowd, which shou
al "Death to the assassin"
The body Of the noted deputy WI
nlaced in a city conveyance wn1c
surrounded by weeping comrades al
friends, hurried to his home follow,
nv a detachment Of republican guaro
M. Jaures had returned here fro
Brussels, where he attended tne
ternational socialist congress TO pl
test against the war, and since q
arrival had delivered an ADDRESS
the subject. His campaign asail
hostilities is thought possibly 10 I'd
> had some connection with his muro
One Of the witnesses to the sho
Ing says the assassin OF M. Jaures
clared after he fired: Il did II
cause Jaures fought the three II
years (the three years military Ia
- he fought France"
Lower coast gazette., 1914-08-08
Gallant Mavor.

From a small provincial town in the
north of Italy comes an amusing ht,le
story. Queen Helena was visiting the
town. to attend the unwilling OF q
statue of Victor Emanuel.
After the mayor Of the town nau
made an elaborate speech OF welcome
he handed the queen a glass OF cham
naene. and asked to be allowed 20
drink her health. As their glasses
clinked. a drop Of champagne fell up
on the queens gown. She opened ne'
pocketbook to take out her nanoAel
chief, but the gallant mayor was nv
to be caught On any point OF etiQuet'e
"Your majesty" he exclaimed, grano
". there is no need Of that! every
thing is already paid for."-fou'n
Companion.
Lower coast gazette., 1914-08-08
INDICTED FOR RELATING
Road. Charged with Relating N GO"
nection with o'cara co.-shipper
Il Also Held Guilty.

Chicago.-Three indictments were
returned by the federal grand jury
against officials of the New York Gen.
trail lines, officers Of the oGara 0
company, the Lake Shore and MICH
van Southern Railroad company, the
Cleveland, Cincinnati, Chicago 6 81
I.ou,s Railroad company and the chi
caro. Indiana & Southern Railway
company. ..ao.
The indictments grew out OF charges
that rebating had been practlced "
rho railroads in connection with the
coal company. The indictments charge
o-oraniracv to violate the interstate
commerce laws.
h first indictment Is directed
against VIM. c. Brown, former presi
dent: John Cartensen, first vice-presl
asnt' and Richard NJ. Huddleston, au
ditor Of the New York Central nnes
Thomas ]. O'Gara, president OF tn
O,Cara Coal company, and William q
prewerton, It's secretary.
The Lake Shore & Michigan sou.l
orn the Cleveland, Cincinnati, On
cago. Indiana & Southern railways ..
named in this indictment, which SET
ont the organization 6 the sewers
roads and Of the O'Gara Coal con
rorv and recites the alleged reiatlol
hatween the roads and the coal col
pany.
Lower coast gazette., 1914-08-08
pANpRufF COVERED SCALP

4o1 W, Adams st., Brownwooo.
Texas.-pT had . severe case OF o.y
;tchinr scalp. Then my head had olis.
ters and pimples all over It and when
I scratched It the irritation ana itcn'
inr dreadful. They continued 70
hurt and smart and burn. MY ha.r
fall out badly and gradually my sca'p
vas covered with dandruf - dry o
powder. It was the same burning N
my limbs, 30 bad that ! couio not
,leep Or rest night or day.
.Then I began with the cuticuls
soap and Ointment and received ~
mort instantaneous relief. used the
cuticuta Ointment freely 81 over my
head once ! week and the cuticura
soap Tor cleansing - often = niece.
sary until was cured" (sisned'
~. Julia Clingman. Jan. 50. 1914.
Cuucura soap and Ointment sols
throughout the world. Sample o. saol
frss.vith 32.p. SKIN Book. Address post
easd "cuueura, Dspt 4 Bostoa.'-Aa'
Lower coast gazette., 1914-08-08
Then He Told Her.

Pat. who was in lodgings, was
greatly annoyed by the landlady's help
Ing herself to his provisions. she DE-
AN by taking a piece OF his Dutter'
and when Pat came home she said:
"Pat, I am taking a little OF your
HITTER. but I'm not like other iano'
ladies-rm telling you"
Next day It was an ege' ana 50 ou.
Every day there was something taken
and nut of with the same remark:
"Im not like other landladies-im
telling you"
OF course there was never q 10
duction In Pats bill. One SATURDAY
his bin came to a larger amount tnan
usual. Pat looked at 1t, bundle up =
faw things in his handkerchief, WalAet
IA the door and said:
Tandlady. I'm sloping. I'm not INK
other lodgers-lm telling you
London TitBits.
Lower coast gazette., 1914-08-08
mo DANGER OF SuNsTR0KE
Man on His Way to "Get Even win
Enemy Had the Thing All
Planned Out.

You'd have known he was q meol-
cal man by his looks and by the medi-
cine case he carried, but the man VINO
bumped into him on the street was
too excited about something else.
Here, sir, what are you doing!
exclaimed the doctor as he recovered
from the collision.
Going to lick q mani" was the re-
ply. a., 90
.sBut wait. Don't you know It's w
degrees In the sum-"
II don't care q darn!"
"And that fighting will raise your
temperature to 1907" 7
"What Of 1T"
"A temperature Of 1879 means sun
stroke and DEATH"
"Are you q doctor?" asked the man
Il am"
"Then you are way of your base
The man I'm going to lick works Il
N Ice house, where the Temperature
Ia only 60 above, and oh. jeeswax,
will make him holler!!"
But"
"Oh, l brought along my overcoa
"a 1 shouldn't take cold doing II
Thanks. doc-I'm all right"
Lower coast gazette., 1914-08-08
II fish could talk anglers would have
to revise their yarns.
False Alarm.

False Alarm.
Just outside Stockport on the Grea'
Central railway. England. Is a statlon
named Hyde.
The other day an 1rishn1an was
somewhat startled on arriving at ms
station by hearing the guard snou'
"Hyde!" The stationmaster, IN q
raucous voice, also shouted "Hyde!
and several porters took up the TO
train, Hyde! HYDE"
Wondering what could be the mat
tel, but thinking discretion the oette'
part Of valor, Pat Immediately got I'm
der the seat, and 1t was there TIM
ticket collector found him wnen q
train reached Stockport.
Lower coast gazette., 1914-08-08
Exact Copy Of Wtappa.
RELIGIOUS scruples.

A soldier is allowed to change MS
religion" as it is termed, If he can
convince his commanding officer that
he has good reasons. On n occasion
a man intimated his desire.
NOV" said the colonel, what are
your reasons? Have you consclen'
tious convictions in regard to the mat
teri"
Tho man intimated that he had.
and" continued the colonel, TO
what denomination do you wish to De
transferred" =,
Said the ~ease-seeking Tommy: ~
dis.remember the name. sir, but III
them "a parades for church half al
hour later than the others"
Lower coast gazette., 1914-08-08
The Rub-No-More Co., Fl Wayne, Ind
READER ALLOWED ONE GUESS
hid This Pleasant Little Conversation
Take Place During or After the
Honeymoon?

He threw down his paper.
81 wonder if the colonel reai'S
means to try it again.
What did you say, dear:
IF you'd been listening you "ouiun
ask me"
.If YOU had said anything worth
hearing Id be glad to listen"
"How do you know you Woula!
"Try it."
Ha elares at her and wisely says
nothing. She picks up the paper. =,
Dear me-" she says, Il wish tney u
settle it."
Settle what?'
"The length of next falls skirts
He snorts.
"Is that all you can find in the pa
per-" IT,
81 guess it's a good deal more I'm
portant than the stuff you md.
"Do you mean to compare a paltr'
skirt to the s%tupendous living issue
of the hour"
"oh. go Jump into the River Q
Doubt"
"What do you know about the Rive
of Doubt?
) "As much as anybody knows. Ban!
Bah yourself!"
I Whereupon he rises angrily an
. goes out on the porch and Gains MI
; self with a pipe.-Cleveland Plal
dealer.
Lower coast gazette., 1914-08-08
III. Private Stock.

VvVO
A few years ago, after an unusually
,,ooeant evening, John Thornton, the
vaudeville comedian, found himself
at s a. m. lounging against a wall
IN Central Park, New York. In a few
minutes a policeman came along and
asked:
"What are you doing here!
".Just watching the animals" said
Thornton; nothing more"
"Nonsense," said the officer the
ZOO where the animals are is seVera
blocks from here"
mot my kind" said the ACTOR SLOW
" walking away.