Oxford Democrat. [volume] (Paris, Me.) 1833-1933, 1914-06-09
By Mark Twain

Hill Of a friend of mine who wrote
from the east, called on good
lS natured. garrulous old Simon
Wheeler and inquired after my friends
friend, Leonidas w. Smiley. as re-
Quested to do, and I hereunto append
the result. have lurking suspicion
that Leonldas W. Smiley is myth:
that my friend never knew such per.
sonage, and that he only conjectured
that If | asked old Wheeler about him
It would remind him Of his Infamous
Jim Smiley. and he would 90 to work
and bore me to death with some ex
asperating reminiscence Of him as long
and as tedious as it should be useless
to me. If that was the design 1t sue
ceeded.
found Simon Wheeler doing COM
fortably by the barroom stove Of the
dilapidated tavern In the decayed min
ing camp of Angels, and I noticed that
he was fat and baldheaded and had IN
expression of winning gentleness and
simplicity upon his tranquil counte
nance. He reused up and gave me
good day. told him friend of mine
had commissioned me to make some
inquiries about cherished companion
Of his boyhood, named Leonidas w.
Smiley, Rev. Leonidas W. Smiley. q
young minister Of the gospel. who he
had heard was at one time resident
Of Angels Camp. I added that If Mr.
Wheeler could tell me anything about
this Rev. Leonidas w. Smiley. would
feel under many obligations to him.
Simon Wheeler backed me into
corner and blockaded me there with
his chair and then sat down and reeled
| of the monotonous narrative which
follows this paragraph. He never
smiled, he never frowned, he never
changed his voice from the gentle flow.
Ing key to which he tuned his initial
sentence, he never betrayed the slight
est suspicion Of enthusiasm. but all
| through the interminable narrative
| there ran vein Of impressive earnest
ness and sincerity which showed me
plainly that. so far from his imagining
that there was anything ridiculous or
funny about his story, he regarded 1t
rs n really important matter and ad-
mired its two heroes as men OF trans
cendent genius in flnesse. let him 90
OIL I'm his own way and never inter
rupted him once
"Rev. Leonidas W.-h'm-Rev. Le-
I Well. there was fcller here once BY
| the name of Jim Smiley in the winter
| Of 40, or maybe 1t was the spring OF
| 80, l don't recollect exactly somehow.
though what makes me think 1t was
| one or the other Is because remember
| the big 6ume warn't finished when he
first come to the camp. But anyway
he was the curlOusest man about. al
ways betting on anything that turned
I'D you ever see II he could get any
body to bet on the other side. and If
he couldn't he'd change sides. ANY
way that suited the other side would
suit him. Just SOS he got bet he
was satisfied.
But still he was lucky, uncommon
lucky. He most always come out win
ner. He was always ready and laying
for a chance. There couldn't be no
solitry thing mentioneu but that fel-
ler'd offer to bet on 1t and take ary
side you please, as I was just telling
you. II there was horse race you'd
find him flush or you'd find him busted
at the end of 1t; If there was q dog
fight he'd bet on 1t; II there was cat
fight he'd bet on It; II there was
chicken fight he'd bet on It Why. II
there was two birds setting on fence
he would bet you which one would hy
first, or II there was q camp meeting
he would be there reg'lar to bet on
Parson Walker. which he judged to be
the best exhorter about here, and 80
he was, too, and a good man.
'If he even see a straddle bug start
to 20 anywheres he would bet you
how long 1t would take him to get to
to wherever he was going to, and II
you took him up he would foller TINT
straddle bug to Mexico but what he
would find out where he was bound for
and how long he was on the road
Lots Of the boys here has seen that
Smiley and can tell you about him
Why, It never made no difference to
him-he'd bet anything-the dangest
Teller. Parson Walkers wife laid very
sick once for a good while, and 1t seem:
ed as II they warn't going to save her
But one morning he came In. and Smi.
ley up and asked him how she was.
and he said she was considerable better.
thank the Lord for his inf'nit mercy.
and coming on 80 smart that, with the
blessing of Providence, she'd get we'll
yet And Smiley before he thought
says. Well. I'll resk $3.50 she don't
anyway .q-.
'aThish yer Smiley had mare-ths
boys called her the fifteen minute nag.
but that was only in fun, you know.
because, Of course, she was faster
than that-and he used to win money
on that horse. for all she was so slow
and always had the asthma or the dis
temper or the consumption or some
thing of that kind. They used to give
her two or three hundred yards start
and then pass her under way. but al.
ways at the flag end Of the race shed
get excited and desperate-iike and
come cayorting and straddling up and
scattering her legs around Timber.
sometimes in the air and sometimes
out to one side amongst the fences and
kicking up more dust and raising
more racket with her coughing and
sneezins and blowing her nose. and al
ways fetch up at the stand just about
neck ahead. a. near a. you could
cipher It down
"And he had little small bull pup
that 10 look at him you'd think he
warn't worth a cent but to set around,
look ornery and lay for a chance to
steal something. But as soon as mon
4 ey was up on him he was a different
dog. His underjaw'd begin to stick