South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1914-05-13
Sense and Sentiment
THE CHANCE.

THE CHANCE.
While hurrying down life's busy stream
And singing a you go;
You meet some travellers, who seem
Filled TO the brim with woe.
They are the derelicts of life,
The butt of circumstance.
Who lost their footing in the strife.
While waiting for chance:
THANKSGIVING DAY WILL BE
ALONG LATER. THE THINGS
IN THE MEANTIME,
r. w. Gas" always signifies
gasoline. When the steering wheel
genius says or he means lubricant.
Strictly Mox Nix.
There is still q vacancy on our town
board caused by the resignation OF V.
l.. Craig.-New Richmand Sun.
WHAT HAS BECOME OF THE
UNION STATION TALK?
The Grand Trunk at least ought to
be made TO pave between the tracks.
Circus Day at New Ross.
Sixty cars of Ringlings circus pass
ed through here Wednesday morning.
There were three trains and ten pas
senger coaches.-New Ross Times.
About the best we can say of the days
that are gone is that they are gone.
\. E. M.-The object of Jail is to
protect society from amateur criminals
until they have been in Jail long
enough TO be incurable.
Boarding House Hash.
Chase the cow down this way,
please said the fresh young boarder.
Here, Minnie" said the landlady,
take the cow down to where the calf
is bawling."
The tulip leaves earth's Jail to break,
And. pushing up, enlargement win,
Like plums escaping from q cake.
BUY It BY the Box
One day William wrigley chewed
spearmint leaves because they tasted
good. He took some ordinary gum
and favored it with the leaves. Folks
liked the idea and Wrigley capitalized
On it to the extent of nine millions.
TT TAKES TWO TO MAKE A
QUARREL, TWO TO MAKE A BAR
GAIN AND TWO TO RAISE A SAL
AIRY.
Health hint: Do not overeat; do not
Underbreathe.
After the Niles road building stunt,
what? A DOLLAR DAY?
Swat the Infants.
Flies multiply rapidly. One fly can
become the ancestor of several billion
- ~~T- -&.,Hn
Hurry is authority for this and Doc"
ought to know.
After awhile is an attic wherein are
stored many of those things we hope to
some. day but which in truth con-
signed to the limbo of oblivion.
Hire a relative to work under you
and you seldom do a service to him
of the business.
Fast Mail.
William Winter has purchased a
runabOut in which to deliver the mail
-Wingate News.
Not even a vinegar merchant can
afford to wear a sour face.
A Mule, A Darkey, A Doc and A
Moral.
A doctor down South, who was rid
ing out on one Of his professional calls
one day, came to an old colored man
with a mule that had baked in the
middle of the road AS the doctor
came up the old darkey said:
"See heah, boss. / will give dOllah
to any many that will start that mule. -
"All right" said the doctor, I'VE will
try"
So the doctor jumped out of his
buggy, took his hypodermic syringe,
went up to the mule and injected some
choral under his hide. The mule
stood a minute, then reared up on his
hind feet, and started on a full jump
down the road.
The old darkey looked on in great
surprise, then started after the mule,
crying Whoa, whoa" until he gave
up the chase for want of breath. When
the doctor came up to him he said:
See heah, boss, how much do you
charge for that ?" The doctor smiled
and said. ION, about a dime"
The darkey fumbled in his pockets,
pulled out twenty cents and said:
"Heah am twenty cents, Doc; just put
some of dat in me, so / can catch dat
blamed mule"
There are men in South Bend who
have been in the dill pickle and prune
/ business since grandm other wore nine
rows of rick rack around the bottom
of her petticOat, who need an injection
| of slime kind to catch up with the
| times. CHESTER REESE.
nII1lIIID 1DITn