Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1914-12-02

II In kVASS$S|4SA
HIf the coat fits you, put 1t ON"
It's almost too late now to do your
Christmas shopping early.
Yes, James, Barton has a curfew
law.
And an automobile speed limit law.
Yes, and a Sunday closing law.
which applies as much to fruit stores
as to other merchants.
Common courtesy costeth nothing;
it buildeth trade. it keepeth ones job:
the lack of it sendeth custom away,
and causeth one to be fired. Great is
the power of courtesy" But some
men in charge of public places in
Barton lack it amazingly.
Buy bale O. cotton, Bill
Buy heavy ham
Buy bar'l of apple sass
Buy jar O jam.
Buy box of oranges
Buy car of oats
Buy yourself a>suit of clothes
Buy some OvercoatS.
Buy yourself ton of hay
Buy load of bricks
Buy pair of rubber boots
Buy flock of chicks.
Buy yourself some chewing gum
Buy it by the box
Buy yourself an auto
Buy dozen soX.
Buy years subscription
Pay it in advance
Then your friend, ye editor,
Can buy pair O. pants.
This sheet has some mighty inconse-
quential items but nothing quite up to
this from an exchange "Young Bill
Bashaw, who recently cut his tongue
II.
Probably Bill used the usual facial con-
tortions. Bill better cut it out or buy
a safety razor.
Barton ought to have hack service
so it is possible for one to reach some
one somewhere at some time by tele-
phone or appointment. AS it is it
takes more running around to get the
hack than it does to go afoot to the
place you want to go. A hack service
might be made useful and necessary to
this community and there would be a
possible penny In it.
Ophelia says: ''Ef sum folks wuz to
Iuse thare trubbles thay'd wirry about
it,"
Sometimes when speaking of a man
going to his reward" one uncon-
sciously amends to make it read his
''just deserts"
LUKE McLUKE SAYS:
A man can lie out of lot of things.
But he can't deny it when he eats
onions.
A man will pay a dollar for so cent
| article that he wants. A woman will
pay 49 cents for 80 cent article that
she doesn't want.
A girl is real proud when she gradu-
ates from college with B. A. But
she is even prouder when she enters
the school of matrimony and adds B Y
to her degree.
In December of last year the Har.
ward savants announced the Great Dis
covery that nearly all women are
knock-kneed. But you may have no.
ticed that the fool men keep right on
getting married and taking chance.
| A Massachusetts, girl cut off her hair
in her sleep. Most girls yank it off
before they go to sleep.
The Hibrows claim that the use Of
medicated tissue screen will make
kissing 'safe and sanitary" 1t may
make it sanitary, but there isn't any
way to make kissing safe.
| heard one of our young men making
sport of religion in front of the post
office the other day. His mustache
had just begun to sprout and judging
from his talk his mental faculties were
not as we'll developed as his mustache.
Young man, in the future, if you must
scott at religion, please get a little
further from public places if you do
not want to see your name in print.
Next to the wife beater comes the
horse beater and it is to be regretted
that we have one or two in this com.
munity. A horse is the most noble and
| faithful of animals apd fba WON x,ho