The Washington herald., 1914-06-07

washington this winter py MAI Ilnk-
ham. who Is well known TO the citizens
of Giveadam Gulch as a square man.
During the last fifteen years the Major
has established and busted five weekly
newspapers. run a magazine into the
ground. and showed his literary abilities
in other directions. He has killed three
men. wounded five others. and broken In
about 100 bucking bronchos. He has
kept a poker room, run a blacksmith
chop. acted as undertaken. and made a
success as an exhorter. We have sized
him up pretty carefully. and believe he
will succeed in Washington. We pay
him a salary of s. per week. What he
gets outside of that he will have to
skirmisn for. and it's our opinion that
he viii make the regular correspondents
hustle to keep up with him. He takes
with him a faro layout, a lasso. two
guns. a box OF poker-chips. six decks of
cards. a war club. and a pair of mocca-
sins. and every one in town will wish
him good luck when he starts.
Mr.. John Ford. editor of the Devils
Elbow Herald. has a two-column article
in his issue this Nweek about his duel
at Omaha II VIC had been in his place
we would have kept still about it. 1t
seems that he sat down to eat his din
hNi WIN idt anu His use VI lnc
knife also contracted general attention
and made him an object of ridicule. He
challenged a man who had laughed at
him. and the man accepted, but while
the preliminaries were being arranged
brother Ford had to start for home on
account Of his baby coming down with
measles. He goes on at great length
to tell what he intended to do. but we
don't take any stock in it, The fact
is. he made an ass Of himself. and IL the
people over at the Elbow don't chain
him up he'll make the town ridiculous
and a byword. An Arizona editor who
can't handle a fork when he's away
from home should put all tools aside and
eat with his fingers, and IL he forgets his
hat some one should jam IT down over
his CHR.
One day last week a woman fifty years
old got on the train at Blue Hill Sta
ton to look for her brother. and within
two hours she had twenty offers OF mar
riage. She was a woman with false
hair. bad teeth, a lame leg. and a
cataract in one eye. and yet the crowd
fairly swarmed for her. and at sundown
she was married to a man worth 80. 600.
IL there are any other single women
headed this way. let 'em stop OF at this
town. We guarantee at least nifty Of
fers of marriage per day for a week.
no matter what her age or looks or
physical condition. As mayor OF the
town We agree to find husbands for two
hundred marriageable women as fast as
they can descend from the stage. and
every man proposing marriage will be
worth at least 5000 What Arizona
wants is 5ooe more wives. and she wants
EN- SO bad that she cries for 'em. 1t
will pay every married woman in the
East not satisfied with her husband to
run away and head in this direction, and
old maids and young girls will be re-
ceived with open arms day or night,
and proposed to on the spot
The postmaster of this town Cyho is
ourself, the Deputy u. s. Marshal for
this district (who is ourselD, the Mayor
OF Giveadam Gulch (who is ourselD. the
editor OF the Arizona Kicker tsame mari
and the Senator from this locality Conce
more) was out on the street the othe.
day. wearing his hat on his ear and step
ping high and believing he owned the
earth. when a rip-roaring man frcm the
back townships came along and seemed
to be in need Of some fatherly advice
We had given him about a yard Of talk
VIXEN he sailed into US. ard though We
had the idea that we could pulverize him
blackci both our eyes. and would have
driven us into the earth. but for the timely
arrival OF the city marshal As a matter
Of fact. We were a licked man, ard We
shall not try to dodge the fact. And We
are further ready to add that il wasn't
a bad thing for us. When a man gets
to that point WHERE he imagines he run,
this whole country. and is the smarest
man on the face of the earth, it is
good thing for him and the rest of rlan-
kind for somebody To- come along ard
take him down a few pegs. We own a
hundred acres of sandy soil just outside
Of town and twenty city lots inside Of it,
but We have let go the earth and shall
assume a very humble demeanor until
our eyes go ont OF mourning.
Among the social events planned for
the fall and winter are two high teas and
one low coffee by Mrs. Col. Stagg. She
has already ordered twenty-four blue
bordered napkins from Chicago, and those