davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-11-06
LUKE M'LUkE SAYS

From the Cincinnati Enquirer.
 Some women are never happy unless they have something the mater with them.
 The reason why girl feels warm on a cold day is because she knows she is wearing genuine lace on her underwear.
 A sensible man is a fellow who always agrees with you when you make state ment.
 When fellow and a girl regard mar riage as joke and try it, he always holds that the joke was on him, and she insists that the joke was on her.
 Women are supposed to have smaller feet than men. But nature has been mighty careless in the last 30 years. The reason why a woman knows that other women look funny in the hats they are wearing is because she knows that her hat is very becoming. A woman will sit down to have a good worry over something and then worry be- cause she has forgotten what 1t was that she was going to worry about. A man always hollers murder If his wife buys herself anything new to wear and he hollers twice as loudly If she looks | shabby when she goes out with him. Every married woman feels sorry for some other woman's husband. What has become of the old-fashioned
 boy who had two big patches in the rear | of his pants?
 1 A plain, ordinary man finds it hard to | laugh at the way the women primp when I he recollects that some of his own sex sleep with their mustaches put up in kid | curriers'.
 1 Isn't 1t funny that the things we like | to do most are the things we are told we | shouldn't do?
 l Every now and then man who thinks ] he is marrying violet discovers that he
 has picked an onion.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-11-06
War Scare in Milwaukee

It is reported that the son of Mil waukee manufacturer, whose name is known round the world, was expelled from the fashionable Town club be- cause he trampled on a small Ameri- can flag which fell from the button- hole of Willet M. Spooner, son of for mer United States Senator Spooner. The offenders name is not published, of course. The Town club would not demean itself by making known his identity and doubtless regrets the publicity which has been created by the incident, just as all exclusive clubs, preponderantly composed of gentlemen, are supposed to do when something discreditable "leaks out"
 According to the story which has set Milwaukee by the ears, the son of the manufacturer who is so widely known, and whom we strongly suspect of being in some way or other con- nected with the brewery business, ar rived at the club wearing a German flag. After he had insulted the Amer ican flag the patriotic MT. Spooner is said to have knocked him down. The offender apologized and said that If he had been feeling normal" he would not have dreamed of dishonoring the American flag, which leaves us in doubt as to whether he was intoxi- cated at the time or sober. At any rate the function which he came to att tend was formal" and of course the club could not accept his apology. Mir. Spooner, having proved that his per- sonal valor and patriotism are be- yond criticism, was willing to let the matter drop, but the club directors were too indignant for that and the manufacturers son was bounced.
 The club directors were justified in expelling the offensive member. Judged by his actions, he can't possi- bly, be the sort of man to reflect much credit on a club, whether drunk or so- Der. The incident is of no particular importance, except that it shows a painful lack of gray matter in the cranium of the manufacturers son.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-11-06
UnfayorabIe shootinp sea.on


 The hunting season opened Monday but thus far the reports of hunters are that 1t is entirely too dry and warm, and the cover is too rank in growth for any satisfactory sport" said Percy Clark
 The reports from several sections oi the state are not promising as to quail. have made inquiry, and have had either letters from some of the best shooting grounds in the state or have talked with persons from there, and they do not re- port birds plentiful. And there are many partly grown birds. This is an evidence that many of the first hatchings, or per haps the nest, were destroyed
 After a good rain, washing the dust and pollen from the cover, 1t is probable that those having good dogs will get fair sport. l do not look for much luck and full bags until December, when the frosts and rains will have killed and beaten down the rank growth and the tremen- dous crop of cockleburs."
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-11-06
REALISM From the Cleveland Plain Dealer.

I
 The war correspondent had returned from the scene of conflict. His amazing ly realistic descriptions had enchained countless readers. You could smell the stale powder in them; you could hear the dull booming of the mighty guns.
 Those stories were wonderful" an ad- mirer told him.
 Think SOP"
 "Yes, indeed. Why, I was with you in the trenches. I was cold. hungry, half fl ozen and half drowned. And when they had you up against the wall and 10 mus kets were leveled at your heart I almost shrieked in terror. My dear boy, you musnt be so natural"
 The returned one grimaced.
 "Cut it out,' he growled. 'The thing never happened"
 You wasn't arrested for spy?'
 No, l wasn't. I couldn't get neal enough to be arrested. And I wasn't in the trenches, either.''
 Not in the trenches?"
 NO. I didn't even know where they were"
 "B-but why did you come homer"
 My. imagination gave out" he called back as he strode away.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-11-06
BROTHER IN DEATH
From the Paris Edition of the New York Herald

From the Paris Edition of the New York Herald.
 London-Two soldiers badly wounded lay beside a dying German Earlier in
 the day one Tommy would have gone"
 for him, tut now they lay there hot
 tired, thirsty and in pain. "Wot wouldn't give for drinkn' remarked one
 man to tho other.' The German under- stood the word drink -singuarly like
 his own.
 The soldier who lived to tell the tale said ''E lSep' saying ere pointing to is side. We thought as 'ow e wanted liftin' up, and couldn't rest easy, so after bit l managed to hoist myself up and give him a pull, and then I found 0 was a-lying on his water bottle It was full of wine and water and I 'eld it to 'is lips. Pore chap. e was nigh done then, but e ses, Mo- not mel die-you drinkr Pore bloke, he died too, 'e did, and later some of us buried i'm proper. wiv a kind of headstone and on it I wrote on bit of paper Al Pa- per was rare, you know, but we wanted to put simefink.''
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-11-06
IN HOTEL LOBBIES
Delighted With Birmingham

Among the very keen and popular members of the Iron and Steel institute here last week was young MT. Samuel J. Reeves of the Phoenix Iron and Bridge company of Philadelphia" said John C. Lusk
 Tt was MT. Reeves first visit to this siasm while he was here, and I have just received a letter from him reiterat- ing his favorable impressions of Birming- ham and the Birmingham people. From the tenor of his letter he hated to leave and will never be satisfied until he comes back and makes a longer visit"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-11-06
HOW GERMANY IS FED

From "Germany's Food Supply" by Bernhard Dernburg, in the American THE main point will be, how is Ger many to provide herself with
 breadstuffs, meat, fresh vegetables, and fruit, the first two as necessities for life, the last as indispensable for the craze year, we can say, counting wheat and rye together (and as informant ton for the Americans I must add that rye bread is 'the' bread for Germany, there is a deficiency of 100000 to 100000 tons that Germany does not raise herself, which is about per cent of the total consump- tion. This will probably have to be re- placed by some other foodstuff, and the one that is presenting itself Is the potato, the average crop of which is about 5O.- 0o0,0OO0 tons, but this year we have as much as s0,oO0000 tons
 In the last years the art of preserving the potato has been a great problem in Germany. For a long time the military authorities had offered a premium for a good method of preserving potatoes This premium has now been withdrawn, the question can be considered as having been solved There are various methods of pre- serving them. In the first place they are being cut up in very small slices and dried. the same way as the California dried vegetables are offered in these mar kets. Then they have been converted into most nutritious flour, which has here
 
 and this will now be added to the bread up to 20 per cent
 Now, it must be understood that S0,0oO,-
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-11-06
The present population of Turke

Tbe present population of Turke. which has again become prominent in the news dispatches because of her avowed allegiance to Germany in the European var, is estimated at approximately 2O,eo0, 900 people. One authority puts her popu- lation at 20,60OOOO and another at 17,s25,- 900. It is impossible to form any idea of her military strength, as the Turkish gov ernment has refused to give out any ifl formation regarding the reorganization of the army which took place after the Bal. kan war. In that war Turkey lost two thirds of her territorial holdings in Eu- rope and population of about 4,OoO. coo A large part of the country's present pop ulation is unfit for military service. Flu rcpean Turkey, which includes Constan- tinople, has nearly 100000 inhabitants, Many of these are Creeks, Armenians and Jews. In former times the Turkish army was recruited from pure Turkish stock in Asia Minor and no unbelievers were ad- mitted. The population of Asia Minor is about 100000. Syria and Mesopotamia have a population of 5S61, 600, largely non Mohammedan. Armenia and Kurdis- tan have population of 2S57, 900. Arabia has a population of little more than l, ,000,0O0 people, but they are in a chronic state of insurrection aganist the central government. With these sources to draw from, it is believed that Turkey could not possibly put more than 800, 600 men in the field
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-11-06
Forest and Stream

At the time the legislature passed laws for the protection of game and fish our birds were being fast exter- minated and large game-deer and bear-had been driven to remote parts of the state.
 Fish and Game Commissioner John H. Wallace, Jr., has been earnest and vigilant in administering his depart ment. and he has been ably assisted by game wardens in the various coun- ties. Good results are now in evil dence.
 MT. Wallace's fourth biennial report has recently appeared in pamphlet form, and it is one of the most inter esting publications that has ever come from the press in Montgomery. It contains about 220 pages. It is print ed on elegant book paper and is pro- fusely illustrated. Former reports have contained valuable information, but the present publication is more compresensive than any heretofore is sued; and the best of it is that the articles are written in fine literary style and have an appeal for the gen. eral reader regardless of whether or not he is interested in field sports. The articles on birds have a distinct charm, and the short papers on deer, bear, elk and small furbearing animals have commercial as well as natural history or geological interest
 MT. Wallace tells of deer farming in Alabama and presents a photo eravure cut of a scene on the farm of Judge c. l.. Thomas of Prattville. Ac- companing the picture is an inform ing and stimulating sketch by Judge Thor1as relative to his experience in deer farming. Deer raising in Ala bama is paying investment, accord ing to Judge Thomas. These anmials are hardy and can be raised very cheaply Judge Thomas states that 1t does not cost more to raise deer than it does to raise a lamb, which when six months old will not bring over $4, while fawn at six months is worth from $25 to $50. The judge has a 15-acre park for his deer, two- thirds of which are woods and swamp, the balance being Bermuda pasture. There are now in this park "A deer, 10 of which are European fallow and A white tail or Virginia deer.
 Of the American elk MT. Wallace says that it is as tall as horse, hand somely formed, luxuriously maned, carries it's head proudly, and is crowned by pair of very imposing antlers. Even the moose, giant though he be" the commissioner says, ssis not a creature of regal presence like the elk" At one time the range of elk extended down as far as Chiffon county in Alabama, but "the ease with which they were taken by hunters ex- terminated them, so far as this state is concerned, about 75 years ago." The
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-11-06
A New York Republican Encouraged

 With November 1 came pressing ousi- ness call to the south, but I remained over in the borough of Brooklyn to vote Tor the republican candidates said Charles V. Poithress, who was at one time member of the Kings county re- publican committee.
 T felt all along that Whitman would be elected governor, but I had an idea that Gerard the democratic candidate, would be elected United States senator Wads- worth, the republican, was elected to sue ceed Senator Root Last Tuesday was a great republican day in New ork. We made decided gain in the congressional delegation and the result of the elections throughout the country encourage us to organize for victory in 1916. In 1912 waU greatly cast down at our crushing defeat, but the national progressive party has dwindled to practically nothing, while the regular republican organization has re- vived in very healthy way, and will be able to give a still better account of itself in the next presidential election At least. that Is the way it looks to me"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-11-06
SAVED BY A LARIAT

Aqua (Cal) Dispatch to San Francisco
 Chronicle.
 The experience of Steve Saunders in res cuing Mrs. Lee Bonner and three young boys from a perilous position in the moun- tains recently has made him one of the most talked about men in town
 Mrs. Bonner and her little party on re- turning from trip to the mountains late in the afternoon decided to take a short cut which would enable them to reach the
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-11-06

grade became more difficult as they pro- ceeded, and the picnicl1ers finally found themselves on a dangerous ledge unable to continue the descent or to make their way back.
 Their cries for help reached Henry Williams, who was returning to the city. Williams hurried back to Barker's camp for assistance and with Saunders and young man named Coffin hastened to the rescue. Finding it impossible to reach the narooned party Saunders threw the lariat he had brought with him across and roped some shrubs Finding they held he climbed hand over hand to them. By means of the rope Mrs. Bonner was low cred to safety and the boys were assisted back up the dangerous trail to the can yon road.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-11-06
DREARY THINGS.

DREARY THINGS. No other things of which we think Can make our spirits droop, Like darkness that is black as ink, And stepping on a hoop.
 Youngstown Telegram. No other things of which we think Gan really make us swear It always puts us on the blink To step when there's no stair.
 Gainesville Telegraph- Republican. No other things for which we care Can really make us hop; Like stepping on. with tootsies bare. The blanked old furnace top.
 t-Geneva Free Press-Times No other thing of which we know Can make us want to swear Like searching for a bit of dough- To find our pockets bare.
 ODDS ARE AGAINST HIM. Do you believe that life is a game of give and take?"
 'Yes, indeed. And the pathetic part about it is that the average man has to take great many more hard knocks than he is in a position to give"
 PAUL COOK.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-11-06
The Horse in War

From the Selma Times.
 Many poor American horse is being called on to sacrifice his life on the altar of country not his own.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-11-06
GObhIed Too Soon

From the Huntsville Mercury.
 Turkey may recall that gobble. It has stirred up things and may spread the fighting operations.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-11-06
Cheerful News from Country

'The travelling men are coming in from trips through Alabama with cheerful news and reports of better business" said Charles B. New of the Motion.
 Our arrivals show a steady increase. We have with us Mcintyre & Heath s Ham Tree troupe, and they say every body is getting cheerful and is ready for a laugh, forgetting the heretofore all- absorbing conflict across the Atlantic"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-11-06
FROM THE SYMPHONY"
By Sidney Lanier.

1ffey Lanler I am not overbold;
 I hold
 Full powers from nature manifold ISspeak for each no-tongue tree That, spring by spring, doth nobler be- And dumbly and most wistfully His mighty prayerful arms outspreads Above mems oft-unheedng heads And his big blessing downward sheds I speak for all-shaped blooms and leaves, Lichens on stones, and moss on caves Grasses and grains in ranks and sheayes. All purities of shady springs, F, All shyness of film-winged things,
 All modestles of mountain lawns That leap to covert from wide lawns Each dial-marked leaf and flower bell Wherewith in every lonesome dell Time to himself his hours doth tell; All placid lakes and waveless deepA All cool reposlng mountain steeps, Vale-calms and tranquil otus sleeps; Yea, all forms, and sounds and lights. And warmth, and mysteries, and mights, Of nature's utmost depths and heights These doth my timid tongue present, Their mouthpiece and lea1 instrument And servant, all love-eloquent -'4as-
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-11-06

put in command of one of the American tattleships bought recently from this country by Greece may have taste of real warfare much sooner than he ex- pected.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-11-06
He's an Authority

From the Montgomery Advertiser. The Selma Times has indorsed the ''bet- ter babies move. Being slightly in doubt
 as to the eligibility of the Times to take
 part in the discussion, we refer the whole matter to the North Carolina man who
 Is the father of 25 children.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-11-06
Calling for n Cut

From the Alabama Courier.
 Evidently there is going to be some leg islation by the next legislature that will do away with numerous useless officers. The state needs the saving. Let the knife be applied without stint.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-11-06

A Scotchman who wrote British" after his name on a ships passenger list was overlooked by a German officer who ar rested all the Englishmen he found on board. The Kaiser has so many officers that a few of them are bound to be slow witted.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-11-06
BEGINNING THE DAY-O God,

BEGINNING THE DAY--O God, grant that I may be bigger than my past. Break It's tyrpnny for me. If was weak yesterday, may that be the more reason why I should nc strong today and tomorrow. Teach me that If lean on Thee my soul is newborn every morning. In Chrtst's name. Amen.-H. M. E.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-11-06

There is a marked decrease in the out to rejoice until we find out whether or not the poets are permanently hors de cem- hat.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-11-06
Sensible Thing to Do

From the Tuscaloosa News.
 Pure food tests shows that disease germs become fewer in butter. as it is stored; but who could blame a germ for leaving old butter?
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-11-06

George Bernard Shaw says moving pie lures make people dscontented. Another one of his statements that is not readily susceptible to proof
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-11-06

In the light of recent performances by German warships and submarines. Win.
 ston Churchill's bombastic talk about aie.
 ging the German ships out like rats was rather i'll timed.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-11-06

charges of lavish outlay of money to re-elect Penrose are now being made by his opponents. Well, Penrose Is A practical politician" and doubtless knows how to apply practical methods"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-11-06
Needn't Look for Any

From the Gadsden Times-News.
 No matter which party is in power next year the southern farmer who raises an exclusive cotton crop will not receive any benefits.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-11-06

It Is almost as hard for a small country to maintain its neutrality in Europe now as it is for an unpracticed person to main- tain his equilibrium on a tight wire.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-11-06

When the allies begin to kill off the Turks there will be a great increase in the worlds crop of widows, attributable to the Turks propensity to accumulate wives.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-11-06

The Cleveland Plain Dealer says we have Mexico and Haiti always with us, but not in our midst, thank heaven
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-11-06

When French private is kissed by his colonel while under fire the last lingering doubts of his heroism are banished.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-11-06

The Turk is just now popular fin Ger many. but in practically every other part of the globe he is viewed with disfavor.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-11-06

Vesuvius seems to be sharing in the unrest that at present characterizes the population of Italy.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-11-06

There is nothing picturesque or ron,an- tic about submarine. It is built for business and attends strictly to business
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-11-06

oo0 tons of potatoes means just about ton and quarter per head of the German population, equivalent to about four pounds day all the year round for each German, women and children included. This potato crop has heretofore been mostly worked into alcohol, partly for consumption in industries, partly for bev- erases But there is very determined war being conducted in Germany against alcoholic beverages, and no soldier has been permitted even a drink of beer since the first day of mobilization.
 Then, of course, the food needs of the population will always have the prece- dence over any use of alcohol in the arts. Thus there will be a large surplus, which will more than make up any deficiency in wheat rye. But that is not at all the end of it. Germany has been raising an average of 2,500O00 tons of sugar, whereof about half is being exported.
 Now, sugar has been harvested in Ger many for this year, and cannot be ex- ported; consequently there is a two-years' supply on hand, which would mean that the big acreage employed in the raising ol sugar peSts IS dNailabie TOT Sucn crops as might be short On fields which grew sugar beets, anything else can be plant ed and will give big harvests There may be some shortage of fodder for animals, because a great deal of that has ordi- narily been imported. Accordingly, this sugar ground will probably be sowed to alfalfa and other good haymaking crops, and so there will be no difficulty on this account either. One can say, therefore, no shortage of breadstuffs ought to be expected under these conditions.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-11-06
ALABAMA SANCTUMS
StiII filling

From the Mobile Item.
 'The Sick Man of Europe" is appar ently no better.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-11-06
HARD TO ANSWER.

I've often wondered why poor fools
 Who from life's ills attempt to flee, When they've the choice of many tools. Choose bichloride of mercury.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-11-06
A FEEBLE BOAST.

Mrs. Gadsby's reputation-to a turn"
 A FEEBLE BOAST. T pride myself, sir, on being able to see two inches farther than my nose" That doesn't necessarily mean that you can see very far. In these days and times when every mans nose is kept to the grindstone, that organ is character ized by extreme brevity."
 4aeasfs 7i
 REJOICING.
 Although I'm poor
 And have to work,
 I'm very glad
 I'm not a Turk.
 SLIGHTED. T saw Blobson out this morning with his wife and her dog" Was he trailing behind his wife and her dog?" Why. no''
 l guess she was making a concession TOT the sake of appearances. That is his usual status at home" FEARFUL TO CONTEMPLATE. Some of this war news is highly col ored, I fear NO doubt that's so, but the situation might be worse" How"
 Just imagine what would happen if the sob squad were sent to the front in write war news''
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-11-06

No fatalities have been attributed to the campaign cigar this year. Maybe the
 world is getting better after all