South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1914-04-16
STATESMEN
REAL AND NEAR
BY FRED C. KELLY.

WASHINGTON, April 16-A great
many things might be said regarding
Daniel Edward Garrett, congressman
at-large from Texas.
To begin with ne looks like a con
Sressman-at-large from Texas. III one
were to attend a performance Of
HOyt's Texas Steer" and then start
right out to look over the house of
representatives and pick a member
wealth of Texas, Garrett would be
guess No. 1. He has large mischiev-
Gus eyes, so black and glittering that
they could frighten little children off
almost any side street. and his hair,
which is the color of the ravens
wing hangs down over his face in
tropical prOfusion. long black
fTOck coat and Yast-brimmed black
hat complete the scheme. Ii is Just
as If he had taken one of the Texas
Steer" litographs. set IL up in front
of him and then made up for the part.
His friends twit him and say that
that is precisely what he did. For
Garrett did not grow up to look the
way he does now. And in the begin
ming he was not a Texan at all. He
belonged in Tennessee until a few
short years ago, practiced law in Ten
nessee. and served in the state SEN
ate. His hair was short in those days.
He looked just like anybody. Then
a friend of his down in Houston pes
tered him into moving TO Texas. From
then on Garrett was a changed man.
Even his name became changed in
the shuttle.
Whereas, in Tennessee everybody
had called him Ed Garrett. in Texas
men called him Dan. They called
him Dan right to his face. But re-
gardless of whether he was Dan or
Ed. Garrett could shake hands in
Texas just as well as in Tennessee.
And gladhanding was one of the
things in which he excelled.
1t was inevitable even before he
bought his Wide-brimmed hat and let
his hair grow long, that Garrett would
soon grdYitate naturally right into
Office just as he had in Tennessee.
The mere circumstance of geography
could not long keep him out of some
high position Of trust and emOlument.
If Garrett were to move now TO Eng
land, it wouldn't be any time at all
until h would be dressed in a tweed
suit eXclaiming "blarsted weathahi"
and sitting as a member of parlia-
ment
And that recalls this little tale.
Shortly after he reached Washing
ton to enter congress, Garrett met up
with 9r old friend from Tennessee.
Well if it amt old Ed GARRETT"
exclaimed the Tennessee man;
''what're your doing here?''
I'm a member Of congress" own
ed up Garrett.
quit your kiddin'." said the old
friend Joe Myrns is the congress-
man from our district. You can't
fool me-
But I'm from Texas" explained
Garrett. And my names Dan, not
Ed
Texas? Texasl Say. I reckon the
next time / see you. you'll tell me
you're the ambassador from Rus
STA
Secretary of State Bryan was re-
Ceiving a visit the other day FRI IN his
son. William j. Bryan, jr., who is a
young lawyer OF Tucson. Ariz. The
younger Bryan accompanied his faith
er over TO a cabinet meeting one
morning. and. at the suggestion of
one Of the other members. tried his
fathers chair
Il wish you would just remain
there right through the meeting in
stead of your father" remarked Sec
rotary Joseph Daniels. rogueishly.
Why's that?" asked young Bryan.
oh" replied Daniels, simply be-
cause the rest of us might then have
a chance to talk"
Congressman Fess of Ohio dashed
into a BARRIERS studio back in his dis
trict in great haste one morning.
looked at his watch, snapped the lid
shut with a loud report, and asked
the operator at the first chair:
Can you shave me without my TAX
ing my collar off? You see I'm in a
great hurry"
"Ah yes" replied the barber. who
happened to be one OF the foremost
wits of that town; fact is. I think
could cut your hair without you TAX
ing your hat off"
Representative James F. Burke of
Pittsburgh, the most nattily garbed
member of congress. if pinned down
/ TO il. will confess how he first became
a nifty dresser. In his college days,
Burke was struggling to make ends
meet and had all he could do TO keep
a couple of lengths ahead OF the wolf
! He roomed, however, with a medical
student, who. contrary TO the general
run OF medical students, had a rath-
er fashionable wardrobe. Burke used
\ TO borrow his roommate's gay gar
ments and swing 1auntily up the
\ street to the great admiration OF the
! poPulace. BY the time he had finish
I ed his law course. Burke had become
/ so accustomed 10 being fetchingly
/ clothed. that he has stuck 10 il ever
since.
Col George w. GOethals insists OF
I taking excellent care Of his health
I Just after he came up from Panama
i a little while ago. he met friend or
y the street in Washington, one cold
bustery day. After exchanging
I greetings. Cocktails said
/ Glad as | am 10 see YOU. YOU
I have 10 excuse me from talking.
I don't intend to talk in this cold wind
\ Copyright, 1914, by Fred 6, Kelly
All rights reSerVed.)
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