The Democratic advocate. [volume] (Westminster, Md.) 1865-1972, 1914-08-07

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so?" The men they marry. III they
had d sense OF humor they'd take one
look at the bridegroom and get to
laughing so hard they wouldn't be
able to say II will Washington
Star.
"Confound it, this is the third time
you've told me the wireless was
busy!" yes, sir" who Ia holding
ir?" Mrs. Cable, sir. She's hav-
ing her usual Monday morning visit
with Mrs. Giggle, in Paris, SIR
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Faith the sister Of justice.-Motto
OF Lord Thurlow.
He-"I will not give you money for
a new gown. ] am positively Oppos-
ed to these diaphanous styles" She
-"Oh, that's a transparent excuse"
Baltimore American.
Mrs. Subbubs-"The Nextdores had
a lawn mower come today" Subbubs
Thank heaveni | was afarid we
would have to buy one of our own"
Boston Transcript.
DR.. Busier-"How is your prac-
tice?" DR. Grassler-"First rate; IL
couldn't be better. I had more than
1900 patients last year and didn't
lose a single cent Puck.
Dear weeps but once; cheap al
ways weeps.-Hfndoo.
rnrhn
Sea Island wife isn't supposed to
talk until her husband speaks first"
Mr.-.And Ill bet some of those fool
husbands do it"-Boston Globe.
Il never saw a man so crazy over
asparagus as my husband" lis he?"
why, would you believe it, he want
ed to call the baby 'Asparagustus." -
Boston Transcript.
Callow Barbah, how long
will | have to wait for a shaver"
Barber (glancing at him)-"Oh, about
two years. Boston Transcript.
Are you economizing?" Il should
say So" said the man who Is always
cheerful. MY wife bought enough
articles to save $50 On
the original prices. "-Washington
Star.
Bix-"Wasn't it Admiral Porter who
said, Take no quarter from the
enemy Dix-"Dunno! III 1t was
he's the only porter who ever said
such a thing" Washington Herald.
That bathing suit Of yours IL cut
rather low" Cant help it. I want
to get tanned this summer low enough
to meet my evening gowns. Louis
Vile CourierJournal.
Isn't it strange how music intoxi-
Gates you2" asked the Cheerful Idiot.
Not at ALL" replied the Boob. lit ID
written in bars, isn't it?"-Cincinnati
she is having a perfectly lovely |
time" How so?" She is engaged to |
one of twins. They both call on her
and she can't tell them apart. Kan
sas City Journal.
No use tryin' to dance your
troubles down." says a Georgia
philosopher I'VE tried it once, and
when the fiddler passed his hat for
pay he left us dead broke" atlanta
Bix-"Would you marry a woman
who couldn't COOKE" Dix-"In a min
she didn't think she could
cook. Boston Transcript.
Willie-"Paw, what il a martyr"
Paw-'A martyr Is a man who helps
his next-door neighbor mend his
monograph, my son.''-Cincinnati
Enquirer.
Mrs. Gayly-"Dick, dear, you must
nave your life insured" Mr.. Gayly-
Why, darling, are you going to do
he cooking?"-Judge.
"Oh, what a time | had last night,
loctor. IT. only by the Lords mercy
hat I'm not in heaven today.
london Evening Standard.
This years sweet girl graduate il
lext years gay debutante and the
ired housekeeper of year after next.
Courier-Journal
Going to summer cottage this
year?" No. I've decided to stay at
home and get the same result by
cooking fish for the men three times
/ week.-Detroit Free Press.
WHO are those two sad looking
over there?" They're couple
If neighborhood women who always
get together to mourn" Torn by
some common sorrow?" Yes; ones
husband never comes home, and the
other ones husband hangs around
home all the time."-Houston Post.
Commercial TraYeler-"Yes, sir; i
the largest button house in
the country. Why, only last month
one o. my orders alone was for one
thousand gross, an that's no josh"
Il can quite believe it. The number
Of buttons my daughters baby swal-
lows must BE- something enormous
Life.
''Algey fell in love with a girl at the
glove counter. He bought gloves ev-
cry day for a week. To discourage |
his attentions she became a mani |
cure" Then he had his nails mani |
cured every day, | s'pose?" Just SO. |
However, 1 don't think he'll follow her
any further" Why not?'' Then |
The got employment with a dentist
Louisville Courier-Journal.
ssWhat IL the difference hatuaan a