South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1914-03-11
STATESMEN
REAL AND NEAR
BY FRED c. KELLY.

pensions is usually good deal like q
gatheringat a home where there is an
irrepressible boy who persists in
romping about and mussing up the
guests
The irrepressible boy Of the pen
sions committee is Mr.. Alfalfa Bill"
Murray of oklahoma. He reserves
the right 10 leap into the discussion
and talk whenever he sees Mt, with
out notice.
other members Of the committee do
not know quite what to make Of Muir
ray. Though he is a wealthy ranch
man. he persists in wearing clothes
that look as il they cost a total of
about Sand he cares little or moth
ing about cOmbing his hair. Yet. for
all his bizarre appearance. he springs
many a sensible suggestion. When
the committee is in session. and is
gathered with quiet dignity about the
table, Murray keeps walking about
the room, talking when he feels like
it and interrupting others when Oc-
casion seems TO warrant.
1t is just like working with a big,
playful st. Bernard dog in the room.
Murray looks so good-natured and
awkward that the others can't get
mad at him. and yet there are times
when they feel as if it might be best
to give him a little dose of poison.
The other day Representative
Greene of Vermont was making an
argument for proposition. He went
over all the arguments and then be-
gan 10 reiterate. like a barber going
over a mans face the second time
and catching points he has missed.
Suddenly bill" Murray walked over
to Greene and slapped him OaAthe
back.
"Sit down." cried Murray. with a
laugh: Were all for your PROPOSE
ton. but if you keep on talking we
might change our minds
Greene is "A man of some little
eastern dignity but he couldn't take
offense. for il was just Murray's way.
As a matter OF fact, Murray's
rough clothes and hair, that give him
the appearance of an old. tramped
down door mat, are just a pose. He
thinks ii is a great joke to look as II
he hadn't any sense at all, and then
try to surprise everybody with the
soundness of what he has to say.
Representative Ben Johnson, of
Kentucky. journeyed to a little town
in that state on business one day, and
arrived at his destination about night
f3l.
When he got off at the station he
was greatly vexed TO find that there
was no hack to carry him out of the
muddy surroundings. AS he was
picking his way across the road in
search of a sidewalk, a group of men
and women came up TO him and one
of them started 10 take his grip.
who are you folks?" asked John
son.
Were the reception committee"
1.-The what?"
Aren't you the Rev. So-and-so?
We're looking for our new minister
Aren't you he?"
Huh" grunted Johnson. IF l am
your new preacher. this is a hell of a
way to receive me.
Victor Murdoch two or three years
ago became a diet crank and got rid
of more than 90 pounds of needless
weight. He not only ate half portion
meals himself, but urged his col
leagues TO do so, and really made
himself a good deal of a nuisance
with his constant talk about the
perils of much eating.
A little while ago Victor went out
to Kansas to campaign for the sena-
torship.
When he returned here. 10. he
looked as if he had gained 20 pounds
and had "A fine, big. look
ing girth once again.
"Ah ha.' tainted one person after
another. Whats become o. all your
high principles Of diet?"
II found out" says Victor, that in
a campaign you've simply got TO eat
If YOU don't eat heartily. you'll not
only make the host and hostess and
the cook mad, but you'll give every
body the impression that you're not
human.
Blair Lee of Maryland is the only
United States senator who goes home
each night To sleep in the same little
bedroom that he was born in, and
that he occupied all his life.
Lee was born on a big farm In
MARYLAND. about eight miles from
Washington, and his lived there ever
since. When he leaves the senate
chamber in the evening, all he has to
do is beckon TO his chauffeur, say
Home. James" and he is taken right
back TO his boyhood home in time Tor
dinner.
When Representative Vollmer Of
Iowa arrived here the other day to
become a member OF congress. he
busted himself during the first day or
two trying TO obtain satisfactory
office
An addition has just been complet-
ed 10 the house office building and
this has led to a great deal of chang
ing and shifting about of offices. The
older members have frat CHOICE IN
filling on office rooms. and as rapidly
as VOlImer selected room some
body else swoped down and took ii
away from him. After this had oc-
Cured about Il times, VOllmer OBJ
served disgustedly:
There's just one thing this reminds
me Of. It's for all the world like try
ing to get settled in hotel room
when there's a Knights OF Pythias
convention in town.
(Copvright. 1914, by Fred c. Kelly.
All rights reserVed.)