Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1914-07-04
FAST GA|NSFAME
AS HOUSES JOKER
Representative Roberts in
LimeEight With Persistency
and Consistency.
HEEDS MUSES. URGING;
LAWMAKERS HEAR POEM
Balm for G.. O. P. Hearts-Bills Also
Source of Much Amuse-
ment.

ment.
Representative Roberts of Nevada has
been in the 1imelight with more or less
persistency and consistency recently. Mr..
Roberts is fast becoming the Mark Twain
Of the House of Representatives. or the
Jerome K. Jerome. or the George Fitch
or any other hunlorist you choose. This
reputation for slipping joker over on
the House at regular intervals follows
SO fast upon the heels of Representative
Roberts entry into the sporting world
as father-in-law of peerless smoke ball
artist of the Nationals makes envious
members believe that Mr.. Roberts. sole
representative from Nevada, liked the
taste of fame that came to him in every
big newspaper of the United States when
he assumed the interest of father-in-law
Of Walter Johnson of Georgia avenue and
Coffeyville, Kan
For 10! Thursday, Walters daddy-in-
law, in his severe liIien clothes his nice
ly brushed black hair, and his regulation
English Observation-Disclosures white COL
lar, arose and delivered himself Of a
poem, highly ornate and original, and
modelled in burlesque style on the well
known family poem Of the early Vic
torian period Of architecture, entitled
When the Cows Come Home
Balm for G. o. P. Follower.
This gem from the fount of Nevada's
purest rhythm is all that an old-time
g. o. P. follower would want to read.
and there shines from its effulgent re-
publican lines the earnest hope not I'M
tinged with prediction. that the odd
Guard is Coming Home 1t speaks of
a republican House at the next election,
and three verses will be sufficient to
show how Mr.. Roberts rivals Shakes
peare. Mrs. Hemans and all the rest:
WHEN THE OLD GUARD COMES HOME.
When klingle. klangle, klingle.
Not far down the dusty dingle
The "Old Guards" coming home:
Now sweet and clear. now faint and low,
The airy tinklings come and 60,
Like chfmings from a nearby tower,
o. sprinklings Of an election shower
That makes the voters grow:
Rolling. ko-lang. kolinglelingle.
Not far down the dusty dinele
The "Old Guards coming home.
And time friends. and quiet plays,
And good old nights and good old days,
Come rooping up the misty ways
When the "Old Guard" comes home
With jingle. 1angle. jingle
Love songs that sweetly mingIe-
The ''Old Guards" coming home
Mckinley. Hartman and Barchfeld.
Humphrey and Greene ard Frank Monden
Our Dick and Dyer and Uncle Joe''
Aeros. the fields hear him ..lo-oo''
And clang his old cowbell;
Go-ling. go-lnng. golinglelingle.
With good sweet sounds that mingle.
The fOld Guards" coming home.
Roberts Also Introduces Bill.
Just few days before, Representative
Roberts managed to get into the lime
light with headlines of rare and meri-
torious phraseology when he walked
solemnly to the hopper on the Speakers
desk and deposited a bill Outwardly it
had all the appearances Of being exactly
like any Of the other 1865 bills correct
ahead Of him at this session. 1t was
neatly typewriter on the regular
blue form which careful congress
men use In making out meas
ures for public good or home consump-
ton. 1t was not until it was read care
fully that the observer would note that
1t was intended to be a joke on some
one. for the title Of the bill read thus:
"A bill authorizing the expenditure of
the sum Of $4,000 as a part contribution
toward the erection Of monument at
Washington, District Of Columbia. COM
memoration of the discovery of The
New Constitution Of Freedom"
Provisions of Measure.
Representative Roberts, with the face
of a disinherited spendthrift. left the
hopper as If he had just deposited some
thing about as heavy as the recodifica-
ton of laws relating to the judiciary.
The BILL however. provided that $4,000
should be raised by American business
men, and that the government should not
contribute its share until the joyous bust
ness men had contributed theirs. And
then, to carry out this hairline suggestion
that there is any trouble for business
men under a democratic tariff Mr.. Rob
erts suggests in the bill that the Secre-
tary of Commerce. the president of the
American Protective Tariff League and
the president of the American Federation
of Labor shall constitute commission
to select the design for the monument.
which shall be in keeping with the spirit
of the times. Representative Underwood,
the chairman Of the ways and means
committee, who wrote the tariff BILL is
given the responsibility OF spending the
money; and after the unwilling the man.
ufacturers Of the country are to care for
the monument.
For Bureau Of Psychology.
It was only nine days previous that
Representative Roberts had introduced
another solemn measure providing for
bureau of psychology in the Department
of Commerce. Does any one need dia-
gram for that? Is the business depres-
sion actual or psychological?
And now comes the bill to establish
summer White House at Reno. New
That was good for another dash of pub
licity. The session will be long one
and the hot weather produces some fan
tastic results on Capitol Hill. Represent
alive Roberts is getting the humoresque
touch fast Who can tell what will hap
pen?
DOLPHIN ONCE CONDEMNED.
History of the Now Historic Gun
boat Is Recalled.
The return to this city of the gun