The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-12-24
Comic Experiences of Young BritOn in Grim Flan-
 ders Battle
COW RESENTED BEING
 ROBBED OF HER MILK
Kicked Soldier Into Pail-French Bat talion Chased Chickens While Ger man Battery Raised Shells-Was
 Embarrassed by French Girls

l London. December 24.-- Especially | That comedy has been mixed with the tragedy in the grim Flemish battle is revealed in the following story of his experiences penned by a young Brit sh officer:
 1 The other day I was with another subaltern holding a farm in front Of our trenches to prevent the Germans ] massing troops behind it's cover and | rushing us.
 Well, We held on for perhaps an | hour without anyone taking any spe- | cial notice of us, and then they turned the big guns on us My hatl we didn't half get a time Within 15 minutes they put 55 shells (weight about 90 pounds and probably s inches in size) fired from howitzer into and around the farm within circle of 50 yards radius. We literally 'smelt h--.' 1 After that we left the buildings | and went into the rick yard, where we could dodge shells better. | "Another lot of shells came over and | four of my men who crouched round 1 the base of the stack lay close to- sether and got as near the earth as possible. Three shells went on and burst yards away, the fourth burst some 50 ] yards to our flank. | Immediately it burst and mingled l with the clang of the explosion came 1 a shriek which stopped suddenly, be- gan again, and died away with hor- rible bubble and gurgle.
 "A corporal sat up with one arm | twisted horribly under and behind.
 "We buried him where he lay in the rick yard.s with rough cross over him, and then we went back to the farm "The German gunners by this time I had shut up shop for some tea, so we were able to get some tea also. 1 Cow Resented Being Robbed l Two of the men volunteered to milk | the COW and proceeded to do so when having half filled a pail, the old girl kicked and booted them both out of the shippen.
 "one of them fell into the milk pail ] He was one sheet of milk from top to toe and we simply shrieked.
 All our work has been in trenches up to the present, and it is rather nerve | racking work.
 These big shells maks sound exactly l like the rip of tearing a starched collar and the whistle of railway engine | mixed.
 When you are moving along beet l field with your feet rustling in the leaves there is a sudden crack and you hear a | 'seeeee-ep' as bullet goes past your head.
 "on the occasion l am thinking of I cid such an inglorious and nasty dive 1 to earth that the corporal with me thought was hit, and was just preparing 1 to do the Y. c. act when I moved. l However, the blighter of a sniping German who fired at me got it in the neck, or rather throat, from me min ute later. for we stalked him, and I shot him at about 150 yards range
 He leaped about five feet into the air and l sent his helmet back home yester- day as a souvenir.
 When I landed at TIavre I was much amused at two awfully pretty girls French) who were with their father Ca captain of infantry)
 The three solmenly advanced on me. my hand was unmercifully pump ham died by the captain, and I was yjgor- ousiy kissed on each cheek by the girls.
 The troop (my mem fairly howled witn delight' and Lnever heard the last or It for two weeks.
 } If ever girl was seen within a hundred yards, the men began to grin at me and nudge each.other, and some one would whistle softly Chase Me, Charlie" or You're My Blue Eyed Baby, until had to threaten to knock their heads together for them They
 
 It's jolly life and most interesting but it's a little wearing on the nerves one doesn't mind shrapnel-that s fharmless-but the 'coal-boxes' and rifle fire put the fear of God into you. It's d. lucky that the Germans can't use thelr rifles well, or we would catch il awfully.
 They equip their men wonderfully well, and their uniform of grey is ab- solutely invisile except in broad day light. At early morning and dusk, two favorite times for attacks you can't spot 'em at all.
 " Not so long ago we were holding a line Of trenches near a wood, about 300 yards from it. We fixed wire up in front with tins to rattle on it. and retired to sleep. About midnight the tins be- gan to rattle and we lined the trench.
 Moved Down Germans
 Then something began to appear in front, and we saw a solid wall of in- fantry appear When they were about 50 yards away, 15 rounds per man of rapid rife fire was pumped into them and when it finished you never heard such pandemonium in your life.
 The Germans screamed and shouted, and 1t sounded exactly like a pack oi hounds In kennels at evensong
 Still, war has it's comic sides. You would have shrieked if you had seen a French battalion I was with the other day under fire Shells were raining or the farm we were in. and rifle bullets buzzing about in all directions, but the |battalion amused itself catching two fowls for me, and the sight was funny. The, chased those wretched birds until they laid eggs in pure fright.
 Tn another corner they were robbine a she goat of milk and the kid was but ting every one promiscuously amid yells of laughter. and out in the open the mess cook was invoking heaven and brandish. ing his fist because shell had splashed mud and water all over his newly-cleanec