Iowa County democrat. [volume] (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1877-1938, 1914-09-03


sights of the metropolis" said the
New Yorker. -Four days Is not a
sufficient length of time IN which to
view even our most salient points Of
interest, but one can possibly form a
general impression. Our architectural
supremacy is what generally strikes
visitors to our city most forcibly. or
course you have seen our l'Iatiron
building. 1t is considcrcd"-
saw it," said the man from Topaz
City. But you ought to come out our
way. It's mountainous, You know.
and the ladies all wear short skirts for
climbing and
Excuse me-" said the New Yorker,
but that isn't exactly the point New
York must be Il wonderful revelation
to n visitor from the west. Now. as to
Our hotels
Say" said the man from Topaz
City, that reminds me-there were
sixteen stage robbers shot last year
within twenty miles or
81 was speaking Of hotels" said the
New Yorker. I'VE lead Europe in that
respect And as far as our leisure
class Is concerned we are far
"Oh, don't know" interrupted the
man from Topaz City. There were
twelve tramps in our Jail when left
home. ! guess New York isn't So
Beg pardon, you seem TO miSappre-
bend the idea. or course, you visited
the stock exchange and Wall street.
where the
"Oh, yes" said the man from Topaz
City. rs he lighted Il Pennsylvania
stogic, land | want to tell YOU that
we've got the finest town marshal west
of the Rockies. Bib Rainier he took in
five plckpockets out of the crowd
when Red Nose Thompson laid the
cornerstone of his new saloon Topaz
City don't allow
"IIave another Rhine wine and self
ger" suggested the New Yorker "Fve
never been west, as | said. but there
can't be any place out there to compare
with New York. AS to the claims Of
Chicago, r.
"One man." said the Topazite-"
man only has been murdered and rob
bed in Topaz City in the last three
"Oh. | know what Chicago is" inter
posed the New Yorker. Have you
been up Fifth avenue to see the mag
nlficent residences of our mil
seen 'em all. You ought to know
Rcub StcGall, the assessor of Topaz.
When old man Tllbury, that owns the
only two story house in town. tried to
swear his taxes from $4,000 down to
$450.75. Reub buckled on his 40 and
went down to see
YES, yes; but speaking of our great
city-one of its greatest features is our
superb police department, There is no
body of men in the world that can
equal it for
That waiter gets around like a
Langley flying machine" remarked the
man from Topaz City thirstily We've
got men in our town, too, worth 500.
coo. There's old Bill Withcrs and Colo
mel Metcalf and
"Have YOU seen Broadway ut night
asked the New Yorker Courtcously
There are few streets in the world
electrics are shining and the pnvementS
are alive with two hurrying streams of
elegantly clothed men and beautiful
women attred In the costiicst costumes
tha> wind in and out in close maze of
cXpensively"-
Never knew but one case I'm Topaz
CITY," said the man from the west,
"Jim Bailey our mayor, had his watch
and chain and S235 In cash taken from
his pocket while
That's another matter" said the
New Yorker. while you are in our
| city You should avail yourself of every
/ opportunity to see its wonders. Our
| rapid transit systen"-
"If you was out in Topaz" broke in
the man from there. Il could show you
a whole cemetery full of people thai
got killed. accidentally. Talking about
mingliuG folks up! Why. when Berry
Rogers turned loose that old double
barrcled shotgun of his loaded with
slugs ut anybody
Here, waiter." called the New York
err 'l'wo more OF the same. Ii is ac'
knowlcdged by every one that our city
is the center of art and literature anC
learning Take. for instance, our after
dinner speakers Where else in tho
country would you find such wit ant
eloQuence as emanatc from Depew ane
Ford and
III you take the papers" interrupted
the westcrner. you must have read OF
Pete Wehster's daughter, The Web
STEERS live two blocks north OF the court
house in Topaz City, Miss Title Web
stcr. she slept forty days and nights
without waking up The doctors sale
that
pass the matches, please" said th'
New Yorker Have You observed tn,
expedition With which new building'
are being run IN in New York? I'm
proved inventions In steel framework
and
II noticed said thy \eN1dian "tha