davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1914-12-25
Spirsters Beckon In Vain.

ITO an independent. good-looking
bachelor, who in his younger days pre-
ferred to live a single life rather than
get married and be ruled by a petit
coat boss through this life and perhaps
in eternity" A granite monument
bearing this unique epitaph and sur
mounted BY the rather heroic effgy of
bachelor standing On one side Of the
River Jordan, with three old maids
ca the other. reckoning him to cross,
marks the grave Of T. 8. Waite, an
eccentric resident O. Myrtle Point who
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1914-12-25
Retort Courteous.

Spinster Aunt--Ida, YOU young girls
are very ignorant. You don't know
as much now as do about ancient his
tory.
Pert Niece.-But, aunty dear, you re-
member naturally things that hap
peDed when you were young.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1914-12-25
Handicapned pxspeptic.

Dr. Curem-You will find your dys-
pepsia greatly alleviated, Mr.. Peck, by
cheerful and agreeable conversation
at your meals.
Mr.. Peck-That's good advice, doc,
but my income will not permit me to
eat away from home.-Terre Haute Elk
press.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1914-12-25
Always an Earnest Inquiry.

What a lot OF needless questions
are asked by children" said the ia
tigued parent.
YES" replied Miss Cayenne. And
there are a few of us grown people
who never seem to be seriously seek
ing information excepting when they
are asking What's trumps?'"
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1914-12-25
No Second Calls.

One day the Office bell sent forth a
shrill Jingle and the office boy has
tened in, as far as haste was in him,
to answer 1t. After a suitable inter.
val he re-entered the inner Office and
said:
"a client wishes to see you, sir"
"An old client or a new one?" asked
the lawyer.
"A new one, of course" answered
the boy.-Stray Stories.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1914-12-25
What Interested Him.

Mr. Squiggs-I hear that Professor
Wiseman, the prophet, has decided
that the world will come to an end
next Christmas day
Tommy Souiggs-Before or after
dinner, pa?
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1914-12-25
&&x Is g 81

died recently at an advanced age. In
his will Waite left explicit directions
for the hewing of the monument, and
the inscription it should bear.-Myrtle
Point (Ore) Dispatch to Portland Ore
gonian
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1914-12-25

The great use of intercourse with
other minds is to stir up our own, to
whet our appetite for truth, to carry
our thoughts beyond the old track
William Ellery Charming.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1914-12-25
IL All Denends,

Il see by the papers" remarked Miss
Gidygurl. that pugilists fight in ring
What kind Of ring Is it,"
For sparring an engagement ring Is
used" explained the old bachelor,
"but when it is to be fight ito a fin
ish wedding ring is used, believe"
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1914-12-25
Mot go EaNorahia

What do you think Of the location
they have selected for the new rail-
road terminal, Mrs. Nurich?"
II haven't given much thought to
1t, but / heard my husband say it's
q perfect sight"
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1914-12-25
The Horrors of War

II have just been reading story
Of hardship and suffering endured by
a British soldier that drew tears
from my eyes,"
'Tell me what happened to the poor
fellow"
For three days he was cut off from
his comrades without so much as a
grain Of tobacco"
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1914-12-25
An EXCLAMATION.

1T must be great to be man. One
dress suit lasts you for years and a
woman must have a new dress for ev-
cry party"
That's why one dress suit lasts
man for years and years."
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1914-12-25
His RdvantaGe.
"What is that?

"A beauty doctor has one pig ad-
vantage"
"What is that?"
The law never comes dowa IN hira
Tor TunninG skin game
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1914-12-25
Daily Thouqht,

| came from God and I'm going
back to God, and 1 won't have any
gaps OF death in the middle of my
ife-George Macdonald.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1914-12-25
Why He CHANGED.

Madge-I thought you and George
were going skating.
Marjorie-So we were, but when he
saw l had my hat trimmed with mis-
ride
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1914-12-25
lns.eted on a Revision.

What do you think. Nadga-shan
! deliver ny address On 'Tha Ideal
Wife just as I've written it," ''CeTs
tainIy rot. lou must Tswrite 1t
cant see that 1t fits me At all. "---
Meooe CICrE2r Ele+rGr
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1914-12-25
His Sort.

THAT comedian certainly made a
signal success with his funny wig"
81 see. A sort of wig-wag humor."
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1914-12-25
Close Analogy.
PA, what is a retainer?"

What you pay a lawyer before he
does any work for you, son."
"Oh, see. It's like the quarter you
put in the gas meter before you get
any gas"
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1914-12-25

YOUR OWN DRUGGIST WILL TELL YOU
Try Murine Eye Remedy for Red, Weak, Watery
1rist Eve comfort. Write for Book of the Eye
81 mail Free. Murine Eye Remedy Co.. Chicago.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1914-12-25

Ready liberaity is to give to many;
to give useful things and to give the
gift without being asked for it
xlanta
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1914-12-25

something that has been the last re-
source of many a young mana boz
of candy.
A whole day with soiled dishes,
halfconsumed food, and s3olding was
bad enough, but the worst came when
two of Georges pals came in during
the afternoon Like a maiden sur
prised at her dip at the spring,
George went into hiding. The man
ager happened to see him ducking
behind the counter, and asked him,
what allied him.
psf, don't let them see me-" said
George.
"Who? Are the police after ye?"
said the manager and grabbed him by
the collar
This was too much for George. He
bowled over the manager and rushed
into the kitchen. His friends laughed
and thought their part.
The manager followed George.
Him." he sneered. Some of your
friends from the swell side of the
fence. Well, Archibald, you can hide
your pretty face in the kitchen after
this Just go and work the dish
washer"
George never had been SO mad in
his life. He would have busted the
fathead's beam" but for Dorothy's
sake he stayed Besides he was no
gutter, but worked like a hero at
whatever work he had set out to do.
No Satan in the inferno could have
felt more anger at the sinners he was
immersing in the fiery pools than
George did toward the innocent dishes
of which he immersed bucket after
bucket in the patent dish-washer to
the impatient shouts of the girls,
Shoot more dishes, Archibald"
Finally at six o'clock, tired and
sweated, George left the place. He
felt just a bit doubtful about his
chances; What would she say"
When George was about to leave
Dorothy at the door of the Smyth
mansion after the dance on Christmas
night, she turned to him to say, "Of
all my presents I liked your box of
candy best. It was the sweetest
thing. And Donald says he saw you
working for it. You shouldn't go to
so much trouble just for me, George"
Trouble, Dorothy? Don't mention
it," And with somewhat of an effort
he added, 81 had lots of fun; besides,
I was working for YOU"
Dorothy's head sank just little
lower.
Dorothy" said George, softly,
couldn't 1 work for you all my life?"
George placed his hands Oh Doro-
thy's fur cap and pressed back gen.
tly. Her head rose slowly and their
lips met for one long second.
Then George fastened his fraternity
pin on her gown, the emblem which
the rules permitted to be given only
to "fiancees add wives"
Copyright. Western Newspaper Union)
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1914-12-25

To have no money in pocket Is to
pocket an affront.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1914-12-25
Maxine Ends Nee

"She always has bills on hand"
What does he do?"
HE foots EN-"
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1914-12-25

Love Is blind, but too often 1t re-
covers it's sight after marriage.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1914-12-25

A woman doesn't necessarily fib
about her age; she may refuse to
tell it.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1914-12-25

Intuition Is the faculty by virtue OF
which d woman can understand her
husband without listening to what he
says.-R- y. Price, Jr.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1914-12-25

Five distinct blessings are enumer-
ated here as arising from, and en-.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1914-12-25
! Privileges Arising
From Fellowship
; With God
} By REV. WILLIAM EVANS. D. D.
Dneeus q Bible Course. Moody Bible Institute
Chicago

TEXT John 5:13-N.
The Prince George's enquirer and southern Maryland advertiser. (Upper Marlborough, Md.) 1882-1925, 1914-12-25

AY, believe, me, the fellows
were glad to see me back
again." said George Porter
to the family at the din
ner table, Professor Parr
said l looked like a col
The day book. [volume] (Chicago, Ill.) 1911-1917, 1914-05-28

All the. real estate CGlGDfduO0 (
would be advertising. And quite natur
paper publishers. But it wouldn't
hurt anybody who had no money to
buy land, provided they can afford
the holiday-foT holidays mean loss
of wages.
When our great leaders of public
thought decide that the people shall
have a holiday to celebrate some
event, they decide, of course, that all
employees paid by the day or hour
shall take the holiday at their own
expense.
Now if Kelley will arrange his
holidays so that pay of employees will
go on just the same, with nobody
locked for knocking off work and
celebrating, l will favor holidays to
celebrate the business Of other adj
vertisers. We could then have De-
paFtment Store Day, Patent Medicine
Day, Automobile Day, Booze Day,
Loan Shark Day, Clothing Day, Rail
road Day, Commonwealth Edison
Day, Chicago Telephone Day, Jewelry
Day, Theatrical Day, Want AID Day;
etc., etc.
With all those holidays scattered |
judiciousIy throughout the year be-
tween Memorial Day, Fourth of July, |
Christmas, New Years, Washington's |
Birthday, Labor Day, Columbus Day |
and whatever holidays we already |
have, the people could have a good |
time Of it.
And if we all liked it we could |
gradually grow the thing along until |
every day would be holiday, or as
the poet said Every dayu ,be
Christmas bye and bye"
AS publisher of, an adless news
paper, however, I ask to be permitted
to inject one little holiday Of my own
that has no connection with business
and advertising
IWould-have that day celebrate hui !
The day book. [volume] (Chicago, Ill.) 1911-1917, 1914-05-28


manity, and wouldn't be particular
whether it were called Humanity
Day, Brotherhood Day, Golden Rule
Day or some other name.
would have this holiday made an
exhibit of what Chicago has done in
the way of developing humanity; and
/ believe would have a parade.
/ can imagine mighty interesting
exhibit of humanity in that parade.
We could start the procession with
Chicago babies wheeled in baby-car-
riages by Chicago mothers. Mothers
who can't afford baby carriages could
carry babes in their arms.
Mothers who own autos would be
permitted to ride, provided they held
their babes in arms; and mothers
without autos would be permitted to
walk. But all kinds Of mothers should
bein the exhibit. Yes, would permit
husbandless mothers to parade, too,
with their fatherless babes.
After the mothers would come the
children older than babes in arms.
In order to make the exhibit illustra-
tive of life as it really is in Chicago,
children whose parents can afford it
would ride in autos. Children whose
parents get such low wages that they
must send their children into the
stores and factories those chill
dren would have to walk, of course.
And I would have them walk in their
working clothes. Each child would >
wear what it can afford.
To be a truthful exhibition Of hui
manity as it is, we should have all
kinds. Of children.
l would have boys who go to work
at a tender age alongside of boys
who have money and time for loafng;
college students in their rah rah rags
walking alongside their brothers or
The day book. [volume] (Chicago, Ill.) 1911-1917, 1914-05-28

Council holiday.
I'm hOHdays-no what
without regard to what the day supposed celebrate
Ali real celebration
The day book. [volume] (Chicago, Ill.) 1911-1917, 1914-05-28

establish
values make land buying the safest
The evening herald. (Klamath Falls, Or.) 1906-1942, 1914-12-05
.ElkS TO HONOR
'OEPARTfO ONES
ANNUAL MEMORIAL SERVICES
Will. HE HELD TOMORROW
EVENING At HOUSTON OPERA
HOUSE

Supreme Jasticr-cloet Lawrvns- T.
Harris Will bo In toniSh, from Eas
Keat TO deliver tho memorial address
at tomorrow Memorial Observance
b. Klamath raiis Lodge No. i:ti. II.
=. o. T.. This Ia an annual scryle. In
honor Of departed members. and will
be held at Houston's opera house In
the evening. the program being a.
follows:
The following Is the program ar.
ranged for the Eiks memorial services
TO bo held In the Houston opera house
tomorrow evening:
Memorial Address
Opening ods--.''creas Ruler Of the
Univcrss''
l'rsyer-. Chaplain OF ,h. l.odg.
W. o. Smith
Song sweet and Low" -. Rogers
Mesdamcs Henry. Wore. and
Daniels and Misa wcoka
General Eaiogy-Jndge Henry l..
Benson
soio~-"Aye Maria" .,... Counod
Mrx. Louise voye
Lawrence r. Harris.
Eugene Lodge No. s67
Closing ode---''ws Hay. Finished
Our Labors"
Benodiction-- o. Smith
The evening herald. (Klamath Falls, Or.) 1906-1942, 1914-12-05

won, to Mrs. Gus A. kFausc. A dainty
luncheon was served by the hostess.
and tn attendance were Mrs. J. c,
Broekcnbrcush. Mrs. Fred Sehalioek.
Mrs Thomas Hampton. Mrs Earl
whi,leck. Mrs. English. Mrs. Gus A.
krause. Mrs. Louis @. Van Beiien and
Mrs. Mary Jackson.
Mr.. and Mrs. Robert A. Johnson
leave Monday morning for Oakland.
Calf. where they will spend the win
ter months.
Mrs. c. T.. Peil left this morning
for her home In Ashland. after visit
with her parents. Captain and Mrs.
Ivan ID. Appiegatc. and her sister.
Mrs Wesley o. Smith.
The Art Necdlework Club met on
Wednesday afternoon with Mrs. Geo.
A. Hayden. there being rrese1; Srs.
r. Z. watenburg. Mrs. Carey n.
Ramsby. Mrs. J. r. Gocllcr. Mrs. Kari
G.. Cummings. Mrs. Henry Newnham.
Mira George Chastain. Mrs. George A.
wirtx. Mrs. n. H. Dunbar. Mrs.. c. c.
Hogue. Mrs. George Hurn. Mrs. Sam
T. Summers. Mrs. Arthur r. Wilson.
Mrs. j. 8. stubbieneid. Mrs. II. =.
Phillips. Mrs. W. r. Taught and Mrs.
George A. Hayden. Seediework was
INDUCED In all afternoon. and re-
freshments were served by Mrs. Hay
don. The membership OF this we'll
known club has been divided into two
to prepare entertain-
ments for the members and their hus-
bands. The first Of these affairs will
be given tonight at the White build
Ing by the COMMITTEES headed by Mrs
". r. Faught. Although very little
Is known Of what the program will
be. the members are expecting some
thing novel. The second party will be
given after the holidays. ,
The evening herald. (Klamath Falls, Or.) 1906-1942, 1914-12-05
BOX? YES
! AND REAL SEATS
.iuwEn ~ rME rRssss" u kAw.
rowep tn nS rmG strS cotN.
CiL ~ rME SHAPE ~ 4 rAHi.E
AND CHlSittS

Ia seanrlhx oscf tho call tuF blaa
for furnishings to DO placed ia the
nsw city hall. not ssw have ~as'
a.rvd a, the fact that sherr seemed
To be an extra tabio aud ,-o sssfa TO.
yoivias chairs In The HAT, They
guessed every conceivable. use tor
thrsc furaishinxs. but u nesrf
dawHsd upon them that these arc TOT
tho prws.
Iius such II tho truth. siRss Is has
become impnSsibio to call mcostaEs
,oseshsr any more without there to-
ins at least ono reporter present. the
far.sikhted eosneii. In their scioettoa
OF the iatcst In munieips, farnt,urae.
neglected the ns~pafrr men no
more than did they tho city ofsarials.
and In addition TO tho priyiicks os
sitting behind tho raIiiaG. eio@r 10 tho
s~A, OF action. the srsibea can lean as
far back In comfy chairs ~ shey want
,o--,es. and make then squeak .
little. too.
Truly. every dog has Egs day. Il
has boon a sesnt four ycsrs since the
reporter ~as looked upou nor. ~ an
Intruder. sa sort OF an b,aaisi,ivs
pes, who should bo squeicheSt ~ ott1n
a. possible. and who Wa too ssl-
dlnged freq about putting shinxs In
tho paper without arst brfnxIns tho
written story TO tho ofisclais for their
censorship. In that little old she'd al
Fourth and Klamath. the torn "ps~aa
boz" was ussd advissdty. for ws ham.
bio workers In the literary vins yard
~ero tirkicd 10 death 10 si, sn q
cracker box piled high with bo ohs.
and slowed In the most remote cor.
nor. when Il va. not occupied by
someone else.
hut there has been a gradual
change. the attitude turning from ono
OF to'nraiion 10 one os welcome. to-
gether with realization that tho poo
pic OF the community Kind OF look To
th" reporterr for nmniterins os wha,
occurs at the council chambosn Mon.
DAY nights. II this feeling continues
10 xroS. u few years moro viii nor
tho reporters putting their feet on
this nc~ table. tho eoa,sc,Imnn
giving them eopie" Of all resolutions
ana ordinances ton days beso~s they
ar" introduced. and tho cosseli ad.
jonrninx while Tho mayor goes down
town TO purchase another boz Of
nftccn-contcrs for tho snrissfvs us~
OF the press--by that ,imc NIL spelled
with Il capital start.
The evening herald. (Klamath Falls, Or.) 1906-1942, 1914-12-05
BIBLE WORK IS
TO Be STARTED
KLAMATH FAILS DiIiI.E CI.Ass IN
To BE OIulAxIxED TOMORROW
AFTERNOON At JUSTIC.
COURT ROOM

IN u Htting observance of bible
sunday. tho Klamath Fails Bibis
Class Ii 10 bc organised. Tho nrst
Meeting will be held tomorrow after
nooa nj the once OF Justice Of ths
Peace dosen. corner Fourth and
Pine. Tho meeting will start II
o'clock. End Of 0entiis Dominiou.
In tho Present War of Religion with
Outcome St Armsssddon." will bs
the subject Of study NJ the initial
meeting.
Anybody desiring 10 become q
member sh'su1d be present tomorrow.
70 reap tho bsasnt Of = systematic
thorough ID bic study. bring Bibles
and psaeiis.
The evening herald. (Klamath Falls, Or.) 1906-1942, 1914-12-05
Society aosSces sh0abd -
In before 10 o'cloek 0As.
arsiay morning 70 tnssrs
pablieas3oa i.

aud conversation. Later u the day.
the hostess served delightful refresh
rseats. Present were Ms. Robert A.
Emmett. Mrs w. r. Johnson. Mrs.
John johnson. Mrs Marion Hanks.
Mrs Harry Richardson. Miw Curtis
Heidrieh. Mrs r. J. sheSes. Mrs.
Floyd Mandy. Mrs X. c. shiplcy. Mrs.
n. d. North. Mrs. John II. Hamilton.
Mrs. O. D. Matthews. Miss bee Sum
msrs.
Sprague Chapter. women's Relief
Corps, viii meet Monday afternoon.
at which time a corps OF officers for
the ensuing term viii be elected. Fol-
lowing the business Affairs Of the
meeting a social time viii be enjoyed
and refreshments served.
Lester l. Terwililger was a genial
host TO few close friends a, an after
iheater supper party given at keiler's
cafe cne night this week.
Al the last regular meeting OF Pros
perity Lodge the members we're enter
tanned at banquet by a committee
appointed to eatsrtAia the lodge. Mrs.
II. W keesee acted as chairman OF
the committee.
Mrs. Charles !. Robertson was hos
tess to the Leisure Hour Club We'd
nesday afternoon. there being present
Mrs A. II. Campbell. Mrs Thoma.
Hampton, Mrs. Z. b. Han. Miss Jen-
ale Harris. Mrs @. A. Knuxe. Mrs.
u. Long, Mrs. Henry Newn-
ham. Mrs. o. w. Robertson. Mrs.
chas. l. Robertson. Mrs. Fred schai-
ock. Mrs. Bert 4. withrow. Mrs.
Nhitlock. Mrs. William Masten, Mrs.
Oscar Z. Wiley. Mrs. Fred Melhase.
Mrs. n. s. West and Louis @. Van
3ellen- The afternoon was delight
uiiy spent In playing i've hundred.
he first prize being awarded TO Mrs.
'chailock- a luncheon was served
" the hostess.
The Friday Pelican Club members
seTe the guests of Mrs- Mary A. Jack
on at the White Pelican hotel yester-
lay afternoon. when bridge honors
The evening herald. (Klamath Falls, Or.) 1906-1942, 1914-12-05

In northern Idaho aud Montans. J.
which had many fires during the
past summer. 80 per cent Of the Asss
on national forests were caused BY
railroads. 20 per cent by lightning.
and 10 per cent by campers. Tbs
remainder were due To brush burning
and other miscellaneous or unknown
canses.
The evening herald. (Klamath Falls, Or.) 1906-1942, 1914-12-05
ASHORE ON THE
MAIDEN VOYAGE
THREE MILLION DOLLAR STEAM.
ER GOES on THE ROCKS OrP
Fc,Er MIFFLIN WHILE ON THE
TRIAL SPIN
United Press Service

United Press Service
PHILADELPHIA. Dec. 6.---Ths
Great Northern 100000 steamer
built Ot Cramps shipyard for the Pa
cinc Mail company. was blown ashore
by a forty-mIic gale on Fort Minlin
today.
The steamer was putting TO sea for
four-day trial trip. Tho tugs had
left her. and II was expected she
would be able TO got TO deep water
with tho tide.
The evening herald. (Klamath Falls, Or.) 1906-1942, 1914-12-05

What 10 the most common Girls
name OF the present generationf II
q survey OF tho catalogue Of 4 lead
Ing woman's college Ia TO be trusted.
Helen n the winner.