Bismarck daily tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, Dakota [N.D.]) 1881-1916, 1914-12-05

marks!
Paw-The kind a man makes when
he steps on a tacA my son.
His Other Home.
School Teacher-What little boy
can tell me where is the home of the
swallow?
Bobby ken, please.
Teacher-Well, Bobby?
Bobby-The home of the swallow is
in the stommick.
Bachelor don't know whether 10
marry the mother or the daughter
l am fond of both.
Friend-Well, if you marry the
mother, you'll soon lose the daugn.
ter, but if you marry the daughter
you can't lose the mother.
Nov, come on, Rastus; tell us how
many chickens you stole, what an
easy time you had getting them, how
good they tasted, and all that"
NO, sub, jedge. | don't brag about
my chicken stealth, at least not wheE
der am so many lawyers and cops
around"
He had come in answer to the ad.
vertisement Of a position open for a
bookkeeper, when the following con-
versation took place:
Manageable last man We hao
here had the place 43 years.
Applicant-Why did he leave?
Manager-Oh, he was oae of those
fellows that's never happy unless he's
on the go. :
A party of American tourists who
were staying at a hotel in the Scotch
highlands were questioning a gilie as
to the prospect OF securing game.
"Are there ever any deer about
here?" one of the party questioned.
well" replied the giliie, ponder.
ously. there al yin. but the gentle.
men were aye shooting and shooting
at it. and I'm of the opinion that 1t
left the deestrict."
1t was Washington's birthday, anc
the teacher had been telling of what
a great and good man Washington
was. She concluded by asking ali
the boys that would like to be a zee.
ond George Washington to hold VI
their hand. They all held up their
hand but one. Wouldn't you like to
be a second George Washington, Tom.
N.Y." she asked. ''Too tate now"
said Tommy, 81 have told too many
lies" - H.
In a Sunday school in a northern
town there was one little negro girl
in the class. IT.
The teacher asked each girl to think
of something that she should be
thankful for. IS.
Each girl told OF some special bless.
ing that was hers. When she came
to the little negro she said: Now,
Sadie, what is your special blessing y
Dat my face is black an don't
have to wash it but .oncea week."
vas the reply.
The justice of the peace in a town;
in Ohio in pursuance of his duties
had to hear and Judge cases that
brought before him, and also to
perform occasional marriage eremo.
MES. He found it difficult to dissoci-
ate the various functions of his office.
Everything had gone smoothly UNI
til he asked one bride: do you take
this man to be your husband"
The bride nodded hemphatically.
"And you, accused" said the JUS
tice, turning to the bridegroom, what
NO., - roI ~ ~, dnfn,cno on
Aunt Maria had been a cook in both
boarding houses and private families,
and she had often commented on how
much more common quarrels, harsh
words and scraps were in the families
than in the boarding houses. At last
she took a job in a private family,
where peace reigned. One day she
said to- her mistress. ~
"Missus, is all desc yo' family !"
eyes, Maria" said her mistress.
"Why do you ask"
".Well, nobody would had thought
it," was the reply. "Dey act so nice
to each odder dat you would think
dey was perfect strangers"
oIlOIl.v dlLSl Luc CIVIL wal d jduy
in New York asked her colored cook
to get her husband to come over and
help move some furniture. She no.
ticed that the negro nj had several
bad a on his head.
"Was your husband in the war,
she asked.
"No, ma'am."
"How did he get all those scars on
his head?" she asked.
ooh, OATS whar we's had words to.
gether."
"How could you, Dinah? He seems
like a nice man." said the mistress.
ooh, he's good 'nough now, but it
took a lot. of work wild de. later mash.
er to persuade him to be good"
A lumber buyer a staying over
night in a little farm house in the
backwoods of northern Georgia. The
man Of the house did nothing but sit
by the fire and chew tobacco. The
lumberman had told how he had held
his job for seven years.
You got me beat" said the old
cracker. '1've only Held mine for six
years"
What is your job?' asked the lum.
"Oll, ! sit by dc fire and watch dat
de Kids don't fall in
What do you do iii the s,immerY
he asked.
q sit by De well and pull de kids
out when dey falls in
What will you do when the chill
drep grow UP and don't need watch.