The gazette-times. [volume] (Heppner, Or.) 1912-1925, 1914-04-30
By
George Barr
McCutcheon
CHAPTER /
I MAKE NO EFFORT TO DEFENI
MYSELF

q AM quite sure it was my Uncle
| Rilas who said that was fool. Ii
e memory serves me well he relieved
himself of that conviction in the
presence Of my mother - whose
brother he was-at time when was
least competent to acknowledge his
wisdom and most arrogant in assert
ing my own. / was freshman In col
lege: a factor condition, perhaps
which should serve as an excuse for
both of u.s. | possessed another
uncle, incidentally. and while | am
now convinced that he must nave 1eit
as Uncle Rilas did about it, he was
one of those who suffer in silence
The nearest he ever got to openly re-
senting me as freshman was when
he admitted as if it weer crime,
that he too had been in college ana
knew less when he came away than
when he entered. Which is a mia
way of putting it, | am sure, consider
ing the fact that he renamed there
for 20 years as a distinguished mem
Der of the faculty.
/ ASSUME, tlCitloiV, N''hN -
Uncle Rilas who orally convicted me-
an assumption justified to come eX-
tent by putting wo and two together
after the poor old gentleman was LAID
away for his long sleep. He had been
very emphatic in his belief that TOOL
and his money are soon parted. Up to
the time of his death had been in no
way qualified to dispute this ancient
theory. In theory, no doubt, | was
the kind of fool he referred to- but
in practice | was quite an untrled
novice. 1t is very hard for even
fool to part with something he hasn
got. True, / parted with the little
had at college with noteworthy
promptness about the middle of each
term but that could hardly have been
called fair test for the adage. Not
until Uncle Rilas died and left me all
of his money vas ! able to demon
strate that only dead men and fools
part with 1t. The distinction lies in
the capacity for enjoyment while the
sensation lasts, Dead men part WITH
it because they have to, fools because
they want to.
In any event, Uncle Rilas did no
leave me his money until my fresh
man days were far behind me, where
in lies the solace that he may hav
outgrown an opinion while l wa
going through the same process. A
23 confessed that all freshmen wer
insufferable, and Immediately after
ward took my degree and went ou
into the world to convince it tina
seniors are by no means adolescen
Having successfully passed the ag
of reason, | too felt myself successful
qualified to look with scorn upon
creatures employed in the bushes
of getting an education. There wer
times when | wondered how on cart
/ could have stopped so low as to b
a freshman. / still have the dis
quieting fear that my uncle did nj
modify his opinion Of me until l We
thoroughly over being senior 4o
will note that | do not say he change
his opinion Modify is the word.
His original opinion of me, as
freshman, Of course-was uttere
when /, at the age of 49, picked OF
my walk in life, SO to speak. Aft
considering everything, decided to
a literary man. novelist or pia
wright, ] hadn't much of chol
between the two, or perhaps a Jou
nalist Being a journalist, of cours
was preliminary; sort of makeshi
At any rate, was going to be write
NV Uncle RilaS, a hard headed Gu
toner who had read Scott as b.
and the Wall Street news as a man
without being misled by either-w
scornful He said that | would OF
grow it. there was some consolation
that. He even admitted that when
was II he wanted to be an actt
There YOU are, said he! / declar
there was a great difference betwe
being an actor and being writ
Only handsome men can be acto
while well, by nature | was doom
to be nothing more engaging than
novelist, who doesn't have to spoil
illusion by showing himself in pub
Besides, | argued, novelists ma
a great deal OF money, and pis
wrights too, for that matter. He 81
in reply that an ordinarily vigort
washerwoman could make m'
money than the average novelist, a
she always had a stocking without
hole to keep it in, which was more