River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1914-02-26
THE HUM OF
The HUMBUCS
Catalogue House System OFF,
spring Of Humbuggery.
CHEAP AND FLIMSY SECONDS

OFI9Inat 7umpu9-l ne Retail Catd-
logue House People Have Developed
the Art Until 1t Has Become a Dis
ease With Them.
copyrighted, 1914, by Thomas J. Sullivan ]
On a certain occasion some bows
thought they would play a trick on
the great naturalist, Darwin.
They caught beetle, glued various
parts of other insects upon it's head
and body, placed it in little box and
humbly knocked at Darwin's door,
seeking to know what the great scien-
fist would call this wonderful bug they
had assembled.
Mr.. Darwin looked it over very crit
ically and asked the boys very serious
ly, did this bug hum when you
caught it?" Eyes, sir; it hummed a
great DEAL" replied the boys, with sly
winks at each other.
''Then this must be a humbug," said
Darwin.
1t is supposed that Satan was the
original humbug, but since the mail or
der houses have been established he
has had to take a back seat and
among so many modern improvements
he must feel dreadfully useless and
antiQuated
Love to Be Humbugged.
That the American people love to be
humbugged long since has passed into
a proverb. Trickery may be called
our national vice, our besetting sin
Like liberty, it appears to be in the
very air we breathe. We take to it as
naturally as we do to politics. Our
entire social system has become satu-
rated with it. Even at times it mas
querades under the mantle of charity,
which, like a we'll filled purse, covers a
multitude of sins.
There are various kinds and classes
of takers and tricksters, but the
princes of them all, the incarnations
of fraud, are the advertising humbugs.
who, when stripped of the sugar coat
ing by which they impose upon the
public, are simply professors of false
hood.
Would Strike Liars Dead.
The ancient scribes tell us that the
Lord once attempted to check the
humbug habit by striking the liars
dead, but when he looked into the
future and saw the huge catalogue
houses looming in the distance he
reluctantly relinquished the idea, as he
saw that such a plan in the congested
centers would prove more fatal than
second flood.
The mail order houses word their adj
vertising so as to appeal to the credu-
lily and weakness of human nature,
as it is generally known that every
son of Adam and daughter of Eve pos
sesses a disposition to resort to games
Of chance, an inclination to get some
thing for nothing.
Possess the Gambling Instinct.
A noted gambler once said: 'Life
consists in taking chances. Providence
has instilled into the brains and hearts
Of men the betting instinct" So when
the mail order houses came into exist
ence they at once opened up an avenue
for the development of humanity's
we'll known weakness-a desire for
gambling
AS the catalogue houses passed from
the elementary and experimental stages
to that of permanent and pronounced
reality the gambling instinct Of the
consumer kept pace with the humbug's
progress.
The consumers read the bewitching
circulars describing the many wonder
full bargains; they fumbled the pages
of the huge catalogue in bewildering
amazement The angel of doubt hover
ing near whispered warnings to the
fascinated buyer, but the god of chance
was reckoning from the distance, and
the order was sent forward.
Cheap, FIinsy Seconds"
The advertising humbug's advertise
ments and catalogues depict his goods
as something marvellous. Bedsteads,
chairs, tables, touches, picture frames,
heaters, etc., which appear to be mas
sive, handsomely carved pieces OF
work, are nothing but cheap, fimsy
seconds" when delivered, and the buy
err is often ashamed to cart them home
in the daytime, but waits for the dark
ness of night to cast its mantle over
their defects.
Sometimes the gambling instinct is
so deeply set in the natures Of some
consumers that one evidence Of the
trickery of the advertising humbug is
insufficient and they again indulge
their passion for gambling by taking
Chance" with another order and again
getting imposed upon, and so on ad
infnitum.