The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1914-01-07
UNCLE JERRY
RETURNS
By M. QUAD
Copyright, 1918. by Associated Lit
erary Press.

was not known that they ever differed
in their opinions.
Just after being married Uncle Jerry
began buying butter and eggs and ship
ping them to the city market. He
made a bargain with a commission
house that he vas to get a certain
price the year round. He therefore
never had to worry about the state Of
the market. He shipped just so many
eggs and just SO much butter.
Uncle Jerry was a subscriber to and
q reader Of the Christian Brother.
His grandfather had taken it, and his
father had taken 1t, and he did not
want to hurt the feelings of the editor
by dropping It.
The Christian Brother had no cur
rent news. 1t seldom referred to the
doings Of bad men. 1t never printed a
line about gold bricks or green goods
or other confidence games. Uncle Jerry
sometimes heard drummers and light
ming rod men talking about such
things. but he paid little attention.
They said Of him the day he was fifty
years old:
"Why he knows no more of the
world than a baby! II II slick man
should come along he could beat Uncle
Jerry out Of his shirt"
And just the next day the entire vii.
lage vas thrown into a state of con-
%sternation. In the midst of his placid
life and never having %journeyed above
thirty miles from his front gate the
good man suddenly a%nnounced:
"Say. now. by gol. If l amt going to
the city,"
"Why-why"-
Eyes, sir. l am. I'm going up there
to look around and see the sights"
His wife placidly %corroborated this
announcement and did not betray any
symptoms Of Mysteries. and then a rush
was made for the house Of the min
lister whose church Uncle Jerry at
tended.
"Uncle Jerry is going to the city un-
less we can stop him." was exclaimed.
HE probably has some business
there replied the good man.
A\Os uC uNSu l.. - says LAC JNSS 6o
ing to see the sights"
"Well?'
WELL. he mustn't 60. He'll he rob.
bed of his all and maybe murdered be-
fore he has been there a day! Don't
you know how green and innocent he
is? Why. a boy Eve years old could
gum game him"
The minister had q talk with Uncle
Jerry. but it did not move the limo
cent. When he took the stage to ride
seven miles to the railroad 800 people
assembled to see him off, and not one
Of them but was anxious and worried.
Nothing happened to Uncle Jerry dur.
ing the seven mile ride.
He had reached u hotel and eaten
dinner and was standing at the door
looking ut the crowds when a pcdes.
trian walked up to him with hand out
and exclaimed:
"Why. bless me. II this amt Uncle
Jerry SpoOner"
"She be. sir. and right from Spoon.
ersville today" was the reply MS they
shook.
You remember me. don't your"
II do. You are Steve Taylor's broth.
er. our dry goods man."
II am glad you remember me. l have
lost my wallet and want the loan Of
SO. l wi. let you keep this watch
and chain as security till l see you
again."
That's all right. and here's your ten
You are certainly an honest man."
The fellow went away %chuckling,
and another guest Of the hotel who
had been watching things stepped ur
to Uncle Jerry and said:
"Old man. you have been bunkoed!"
II guess not"
"What did you let him have for thai
watch. which isn't worth over 1872"
"Why. l let him have a counterfeit
ten dollar bill. of course! It was one I'd
been carrying around for 'leven years"
Say. you don't need no guardian:'
was the comment of the man as he
fell back.
Two hours later. as Uncle Jerry wan
dered the streets. a man damned his
A0I uOWu OSCI ulS cdrS uuU eyes Ull(
grabbed his watch. 1t was the tire,
dollar watch. The victim grabbed TO-
the thief and tore his neckscarf away
in the vain effort to hold him. Whel
his hat had been pushed up a police
man was Mt his elbow to ask:
did he touch you for your watch? ?
If you call it touching he certainl!
got the watch"
"A hayseed like you ought to hir,
some one to walk out with YOU"
"Oh. I'm not complaining any: l go
his necktie. and there seems to be
diamond in It."
Seems" shouted the officer afte
inspecting the pin. why. If it isn't
500 diamond then I'm a goat"
"A hundred dollars. Ell? Well. tina
amt so bad for a three dollar watch!'
Uncle Jerry was roped into a buckle
shop. but instead of losing SEQ he mad
SO.
Thn~ ooovoI him fcko ,I,,;,r -,