The Parker post., 1914-04-11
HOMELIEST MAN IN TOWN
BY +. n. MELOON.

Yes" remarked Seldom Tarlton,
as he laid his nor'wester on his knees,
and ran a f1shy hand through his
snarled hair, Il amt sayin' | never
saw a homelier man than Eben
knights; l jest observates as how |
didn't hev no recollections Nv it,"
With which he moved little nearer
to the sawdust box in the Potters-
Vile grocery. There was a large at
tendance of hangers-around, and they
appeared to be drinking in old Sci
don's words as If they were camels
about to start on ten days jour-
ney. Not only ears, but also eyes and
mouths, were employed.
"Praps," suggested Bill Sherwin,
the grocer, a man with sandy whis-
kers and as dried up as red her
ring, that's the reason he don't
hitch up with Emelina Rollins"
1t was true that Eben Knights didn't
happen to be the best looking man in
Pottersville-not by a long shot. To
describe him would invite suit for
libel and. jury sitting on Eben's
case could not fail to be pityingly
sympathetic But his not being up to
the mark in looks didn't by any
means account for Emelina Rollins
failing to hitch up with him after a
courtship stretching back into the
dim and hazy past to the extent of a
dozen years.
Its nothin' short Nv race suicide
this long courtship business" volun-
teered Squire Allen.
Tarlton suggested that the following
sparkling day" the villagers repair to
the Rollins residence with railroad
rails, tins of all sorts, horns, mega
phones, cornets, DEVILS fiddles, drums
and other instruments of torture-in
short that Pottersville males resolve
themselves into a serenading party,
Then, when Eben Knights came to
the door to find out what was the mat
ter, to troop in, congratulate him on
his marriage, demand to see the bride
and await developments.
The party, once assembled, did nc
dilly -dallying, but went straight to the
Rollins farm near by. The shadow
Of night closely encircled the squat
farmhouse with it's blazing window
beacons, and even removed from view
the appended barns in the rear. In
the company were Seldom Tarton
Squire Allen, Bill Sherwin and all the
lesser notables-even including Dea
con Willard of the Second Christian
church, man well past seventy.
AS the pandemonium began, one
could not properly call the scene 8
picture, since, in the deep and al
most. velvety blackness, nothing could
be seen.
BY intervals the noise would die
out, and by intervals 1t would be re-
sumed At the end of two hours, the
serenading party began to tire, yet
lost none of its persistence. Sixty
year-old Squire Allen and sixty-fve-
year-old Bill Sherwin were delightedly
laying plans to drop the dignity of
years and get on the roof to pack
the chimney with hay and blankets
purlo1ned from the barn, into which
an entrance had been forced, when
suddenly the door opened, and a
binding glare of light shot out on the
astonished party, the foremost mem
bers of which retreated a pace or
two in tardy CONSERVATION.
There in the door stood Eben
Knights, with his arm protectingly
encircling Emelina Rollins waist,
and behind were pa and ma, and still
farther back was Rev. Sylvester
Hooper Snowedin, of the Second
Christian church, gazing in blank sur
prise at the shrinking form of Dea-
con Willard. And the homeliest man
in Pottersville was Eben Knights,
and the prettiest girl was Emelina-
man and wife.
Eben invited the party In to a
spread of cookies and newly opened
peach and strawberry preserves, ask
ed them how they heard about the
wedding SO soon, and used them all
as we'd like to use others after we've
had pleasant day and three square
meals. The serenaders were still
perplexed when they went away, and
there are times when perplexity Is
positively painful!
1t was months afterward when
Eben Knights let Pottersville know
how, aroused to action by the sound
Of the serenaders at the doors and
windows, he had proposed to Eme-
lima, who had accepted him on the
spot, and had summoned Rev. Sylves-
ter Hooper Snowedin-who had for
tunately happened TO be calling on
her father-to perform the ceremony
which for twelve long years had been
deferred until Pottersvillian forbear-