The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1914-08-30
DER GERMAN COBBLER
Free Lemonade Doesn't Bring Any Customers

It vhas der leetIe German Tailor who
| comes in my place und looks him aboudt
und says:
''Vhell. Hans, you hat no work und no
profits. und you vhas in bankruptcy in
two weeks. You vhas all right for Ger
many. but you don't seem to catch on in
America
IF some customers don't come by my
shoe shop. how can hat work. asks.
Let me tell you something's says dot
tailor. IF you get along in America you
must make friends. You must let der
pooblic know you vhas some liberal
minded man and hustler. How vhss it
nit me? Start in der tailor peesness
twenty years ago nit one old coat und
goose. und now I vhas wuth $50. 100.
l make friends. I hustle. haf some
schemes all der time. make eaferbody
for FIVE miles around know dot I vhas
der Leetle German Tailor. II vhas
in your place. I get feefty customers
here in one week"
How shall l do her.
u Will tell you. Don't you see dot
man hopping his brow as he walks
along? II vhas hot weather. Eafery-
body vhas hot und like some GOODNESS.
II you hat a pail Of ice-cold lemonade
ny your uOOEs ITee 10 al. now many
peop!es shall drink in one day? IND
eafery one Will say ash he goes AWAY
dot you vhas a pooblic benefactor. und
dot he shall bring his old shoes here
to he repaired. Dot vhas a scheme
worth 500 to you. II builds oop A. T.
Stewart und John Wanamaker und
twenty more. Free lemonade und der
German cobbler vhas a team nopody can
beat. Don't miss IT."
Vhell. I talk nit my wife. und she be-
liefs it vhas all right. und so I make a
big pail Of lemonade und put her oudt
by der door. I also put oudt a sign
which says: 1T has Free. Help Your
self Der German Cobhler Was Inside"
In two mnits after dot lemonade vhas
oudt a tramp comes along He vhas
meltin' nit der holiness He sees dot
pail. und he stands before ii nit his legs
spread oudt und SAYS:
''Ha, Here vhas a good man! I Will
show him how der poohlc appreciates
his leetle game. II vhas a big paIlful.
but I shall drink her all oop or bust"
IND dot tramp he drinks f:e glasses
ten-ffteen. He drinks like some horses.
and he smacks his lips Und goes" Ha,
und he saws II vhas sooch a snap ash
he neffer has before. BY und by goes
oUdt und tries to choke him on but he
don't choke. He drinks FIFE glasses more
und IL a policeman don't come along he
vhas dere yit fill oop der pail again.
und along comes dot Hungarian street
band. Sefen men |has in dot crowd.
ind in two minits dot pail vhas empty
How vhas it, I says asa goes by
der door TO look for some profits. und
der leader winl und shmiles und SAYS:
"Cobbler. it VIA a great scheme,
Keep II oop. und you shall be rich. We
Will he back in half an hour ind you
may fill oop der pail some more, Poorly
queek a man comes along und looks mad
und saws:
so You like to kill OF my trade. eh?
Very well, II You Ill OF nv trade /
vhill kill of yours. I hat more ash one
hooonered friends. wnd nopody shall
bring You shoes TO mend"
Who vhas you?" I says
Y vhas der s-loon keeper o. der cor
ner. II You Gif avhay free lemonade
nopody Will buy my ice-cold beer. r
keep my eve you. cobbler, You vhas
a bad. sedGsk man. und If can break
oop your peesness vhas glad OF IT,
Dot makes me feel bad. but I don't
take in my lemonade. In America II
vhas each one fur himself When he
goes AWAY. ten boys come along und
drink two glasses apiece unds calls me
a Dootchman. und den comes a police
man.
Hello. cobbler. but how she vhasr'
he says.
He vhas free lemonade for all" II
says.
HUI What vhas der obIect?"
TO advertise my shop"
Dot vhas a good idea-a splendid idea. |
You vhas red smartest DoOtChman on |
dis whole street guess Will drink a
leetle."
hour ind drinks ten glasses Rv und
by say I should like to mend his shoes,