davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1914-04-02
Misfook His Man.

Sir John Fisher relates an amusing
experience he had one inspection day.
Somehow he got separated from his
official friends, and at last lost his
way. He wandered about and event
ualIy came upon a workman gently
hammering a piece of iron outside one
OF the workshops.
Are the lords of the admiralty
about here?" asked Sir John.
mo fear, matey," said the man,
who did not know his rather careless
ly dressed inquisitor. I'm here doin'
crow for EN-"
Crow! What's that?"
What, don't yer know? Inside this
ere shed my mates is a-takin of it
easy. When I sees some one that
don't matter, knocks soft, like now.
But when 1 sees old 'Jacky' Fisher I
knocks like blazes, and when old
'Jacky' pokes his nose inside they're
working like blazes, too. See?"
"Jacky" Fisher did see, and crow
shooting was begun in the dockyard
that day.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1914-04-02

a means for producing one of the most novel.
beautiful, economical and easily attained effects
ever obtained on any wood for interior trim. Its
extreme simplicity is one of the chief factors in
its success. The only tools necessary are gaso-
line torch, such is used by plumbers painters
an ordinary steel wire brush and small scrub
bling brush.
In selecting cypress for sugi work. should
be taken to see that the wood is fiat grained, with
very little edge grain and that is perfectly dry
The only defects to be avoided are splits large
season checks and unsound knots. On account Of
the slightly uneven surface it is difficult to glue
the edges of two boards together as may be done
with oak, mahogany etc, and for this reason it is
better to limit paneling to twelve or, preferably,
ten inches. Another reason is that it will take
huge logs to produce very wide boards showing
fiat grain figure the full width.
The torch used should have as large and as
hot blue flame possible, since speed in burn
ing the wood is important. If the surface be
chaTred quickly that the heat does not go
through the board, the result will be much better
and much time Will be saved. The of two
torches at one time, arranged handle that
the flames couple of inches apart, will also
facilitate the work.
Since the burning is for the purpose of coloring
the hard parts of the outer grain only, it is i'm.
portant to burn too deeply. II the charring is
carried too far the soft parts will be burned clear
through to the next hard grain and the effect will
not be nearly so good
The mill work should be done and the individual
pieces burned and brushed out before they are put
into place because of the tendency of the wood to
warp when subjected to the intense heat of the
gasoline fame-equalings about 1000 degrees.
Warping under such conditions is perfectly natural
and unavoidable and need cause worry. Wood
that is considered absolutely dry still contains
much moisture an ordinary indoor atmosphere,
or about II per cent. The heat has the effect OF
driving this moisture from the burned surface Of
the wood through to the reverse side, thereby
causing shrinkage of face and a swelling
of the other. The result is that the charred face
becomes concave and the other face convex. By
setting the board aside Immediately after the
burning and allowing it to stand for two or three
days, it will reabsOrb enough moisture to balance
up with the atmosphere and thus straighten out.
II is then ready for the rubbing process.
1t is advisable to do the burning in narrow two
or three inch strips the full length OF the board
rather than to start at the top and work the
full width. The one thing to avoid is overburn-
ing The ultimate color effect is not controlled
nearly much by the burning by the brush
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1914-04-02

In the little city Of Leetonia, Ohio,
the street lamps are controlled by a
homemade time switch operated by
an ordinary alarm clock. A circular
piece of metal soldered to the alarm
winding key wraps heavy cord about
it as the alarm rings and is attached
to a lever. This withdraws a sliding
bar from beneath a weight, which in
falling jerks a rope attached to cir
cult breaker. Once a day the super
intendent winds the clock and sets the
alarm at the proper hour for switch
ing the lamps into the circuit By
reversing the hooks and setting the
alarm the lamps are extinguished at
aybreak.-Electrical World.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1914-04-02

at each other and speak noble polite
nesses. Then the senior father begins
theirs sometimes do in the United
States, that he would lay the parental
head on the pillow. The senior lover
picks up his hat from the stone floor
and rises. The senorita sweetheart
smiles sweetly at him over her fan,
but with holy calm. The senior father
and the sonora mother say gractously:
Adds, Don Enrique. 1t was to US
much pleasure" and Don Enrique
says:
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1914-04-02
TO HAVE AND TO HOLD.

An eager but ragged lad stood in
the lobby of a theater Saturday night,
says the Cleveland Plain Dealer. After
a while he summoned up enough cour-
age to approach the naughty beauty
who presides at the ticket booth.
Say" asked the kid, IF 1 buy a
ticket now will it be good Sunday
night or Monday?"
Sure" answered the lady. Them
tickets amt for reserved seats.
They're good any time But whadda
you wanta buy one now for? Why
don't you wait till you come to the
SHOVE"
Say" conided the kid, "if I take a
nickel home wild me, me ma will get
1t. l better buy the ticket now"
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1914-04-02

there are no sentimental rambles for
him and his senorita under the palms
Of the patio; there are no whispered
conversations full Of sweetly maudlin
monotony. He sits in a rocking chair
that is one of painfully straight row
ranged down the middle Of the room.
His senorita sits in. one In a similar
straight row opposite. The rest OF
the row is occupied by the senior
father and the sonora mother and the
senoras aunts and the senoritas sis
tiers, and all the rest of the household
For an hour or two hours they rock
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1914-04-02
@ ~ ~
AZE17 EE cUY3SS43E 5H79XTLTGR 1BRED
WITH sSZZEF N2UaGh-

F you should chance to discover your
friend Brown. the usually well-groomed
and sedate president of the First Nation
al bank. dressed In overalls, down on his
knees and busily engaged in scorching
a board with the fame from a gasoline
torch. would you jump to the conclusion
that he had ,apsed into second child
hood, which made you fear for the
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1914-04-02
Trouble in Store

"Pokesly says he is going to throw
an old shoe at you when you get mar
ried tomorrow"
d"I'm glad Pokesly is getting to be
more friendly. He hasn't had much
use for me lately"
Perhaps he hasn't changed. He
told me he thought he could get the
kind of old shoe he wanted at black
smiths shop"
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1914-04-02
Marked Similarity.

We'll, guess it will soon be time to
haul out the old water wagon, give it a
fresh coat of paint and start it down
the line heavily loaded"
yes. The old water wagon reminds
me of a suburban trolley car, outward
bound at p. m"
And how is that?"
"The farther it goes, the lighter it
gets"
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1914-04-02
LOVE-MAKlNG OF THE D0NS
What Is Popularity Known as "5illlns
and Cooling" Doesn't Go in
Old CASTLE.

When he is admitted within, his
doom is sealed, If that is proper ex-
preston in connection with senorita
OF ravishing eyes and hair. says Cen
fury Magazine. Once he has become
a visitor inside the great fort-Hke
doors. he is expected to declare his
intention. and stick to it Even then
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1914-04-02
SURVIVAL OF FIRE WORSHIP

The saeredness CT fire was an eIe-
ment in the Druid worship and rem
nants of their practices remain 10 this
day In the old temple of F1achta in
Munster a temple 10 Samhain, the
moon. fire on November eve was
lighted by the Druid priests with great
pomp and ceremony. From the holy
fame and no other, was every fire in
the land first started in winter. It
was deemed an act Of the highest i'm
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1914-04-02
Looked Like a Scheme,

Whats the GOODNESS between you
and Wombat?"
He asked me to take care of his
parrot this summer"
That may have been asking great
deal. However, you agreed. So what's
the trouble now?"
'He hasn't called for it yet"
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1914-04-02

piety to kindle from any other. In
Scotland sacred fire will ward of evil
and protect domestic animals from
witchcraft. Remnants of the practices
of the Babylonlan .fre-worshipers and
the name of the deity, even are pre-
served to this day in Gaelic Scotland
and Ireland, in their Baal fire. In
Scotland he who was formerly the
sacrificed must now leap over the
flame to propitiate the gods In Ire
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1914-04-02
Slogan of the Jam.

Move up. move up" roared the
conductor.
Cant" came back piping voice.
"A woman in the aisle is threatened
with fainting fiji"
Tell her to wait till she gets in the
vestibule," shouted the conductor.
Move up, move up!"
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1914-04-02

rubbed out with cotton waste, Varnishes should
never be used. They cheaper the work and the
results are far from pleasing
Not only is sug1nished cypress one Of the most
distinctly beautiful of all woods interior
trim for buildings but because of the ease and
cheapness with which the process can be en-
ployed, and the pleasing and novel effects that
be obtained it's use for special furniture and in
Vulnerable small articles will undoubtedly cause
it to become extremely popular with the amateur
as well as the professional craftsman.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1914-04-02
Legitimate Finance

I admits | stole de goods, Jedge,"
said the old darky, but done so hon.
estly. l didn't want de goods for to
consume EN-. | lowed dey would Of
fer reward fer EN-, den I'd give EN-
up an git enough money ter pay my
rent. Atlanta Constitution.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1914-04-02
Some Progress.

my, but you men build rapidly"
said an old lady to a contractor.
six weeks ago you began digging
the foundation to this house and now
you are putting in the lights"
yes, maam," replied the contrac-
tor, "and next week the livers will
be in"
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1914-04-02
His Choice.

Which do you prefer?" asked the
Old Fogy, "a preacher who is an ora
tor or preacher who reads his SER
mons?"
Give me the preacher who reads
his sermons replied the Crouch.
Why" asked the Old Fogy.
He can tell when he gets to the
end" replied the Crouch.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1914-04-02
No Merit in That.

Litigant-Your fee is outrageous.
Why, it's more than three-fourths OF
what l recovered.
lawyer furnished the skill and
the legal learning for your case.
Litigant-But | furnished the case.
Lawyer-Oh, anybody can fall down
a coal hole.-Stray Stories.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1914-04-02
At an ADVANTAGE.

why is the weather so fascinating
topic of conversation
well" replied Farmer Corntossei,
II suppose it's because it's one of the
few subjects of general interest that
you amt supposed to read about in
the Congressional Record before you
can pretend to understand it."
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1914-04-02
Wonar's Bureau

Bacon see Oakland, Cal, is to
have a woman's police bureau next
year with a woman in charge.
Egbert-Fine! Did you ever try
bureau?
We'll, did I?'
Imagine trying to find a policeman
when you wanted onei"
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1914-04-02
To Aann Pictures

Pictures are hung preferably now
adays without long pieces Of wire
dropped from a molding, except in the
case of extra large and heavy ones.
They should be hung fat against the
wall; and small pins or hooks that
hold firmly and do not mar the wall
may be had to effect the invisible
hanging.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1914-04-02
Some Rainbow

Redd-Where did you get that neck
tie you've got on?
Greene-My wife gave it to me for
Christmas.
But it's only got ten different coll
ors in it."
Il know it. They must have run
out of colors when they were max
ing it,"
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1914-04-02
origin of Rina and CoattaiI.

The wedding ring and the dress
coat are relics Of baTbarism. The for
mer is q most noteworthy example
Of the survival of primitive customs.
1t was the ring by which the slave
was dragged from the market after
purchase by her new master.
The dress coat, morning or evening.
is simply the garment worn by your
ancestors when they went hunting.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1914-04-02
Protest.

Hello, old fellow" said Loafiing to
Buserton. Il just dropped in to kill
little time"
For the love of Mike!" exclaimed
Buserton, as he paused in the midst
of his labors. kill It out IN the hall. I
object to my office being used for that
sort of abattoir"
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1914-04-02
Late Hours.

"Spaddles has ruined his health and
lost his position"
4 thought he was a wide awake
young man"
That's just the trouble He was
wide awake too many times when he
should have been sleeping"
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1914-04-02
Complicated Case.

"Growcher always looks worried.
Why doesn't he think Of something
pleasant"
We'll, he has himself kind Of whip
sawed The only thing he thinks of
with pleasure is money. And he can't
think Of money without worrying"
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1914-04-02
impossible.

THE Venus of Milo would never
have joined in the cry Of votes for
women"
Because she vas too well satisfied
with the power of beauty"
"Oh, not that. She never would be
able to take things into her Own
hands"
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1914-04-02

Because they were gentlemen they
thought they had to ride in their long
tailed coats, so they split the coats up
the back and cut them away in front.
The buttons at the back were to hold
up the sword belt.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1914-04-02
IndiScriminate Phrase.

Whats this!" exclaimed the sensa-
tional editor.
Story about woman who put
few people to considerable trouble"
said the reporter.
"But you haven't identified her"
eve couldn't learn her name"
What difference does that make?
Not knowing her name would not pre-
vent you from referring to her as
prominent society mowan, would it?"
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1914-04-02
Continuous Feaster,

81 have just been reading the story
of the Prodigal Son." said Farmer
Corntossel.
Well" replied his wife. There's
no danger of our boy Josh goin' to
town and cuttin' up that way"
mo. l sometimes think it would
be a savin' of fatted calf if now an
then he'd turn loose an go yisitin' fur
a few months"
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1914-04-02
THE SAM RESULT.

How'd you get the black eyer"
Il heard a. man abusing his wife, and"
And you butted in to make him stop! Gee
but you are a chump!"
No, l started to help him abuse her
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1914-04-02
Hard to Save Now.

Bill-Do you remember the first dol
lar you ever saved?
Jfll-Oh, yes.
Wasn't it hard to save IT."
Not very; you see wasn't married
then"
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1914-04-02
Evil in Yielding to Temper.

Temper is the greatest enemy to
natural healthy life. 1t affects the Sc
creting glands, changing healthy fluids
into poisons, and shows itself plainly
not only in impaired vitality, but even
in the face-in feature and con1plexion
alike.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1914-04-02
And Rrounht Forth a Mouse.

Chollie-I figured out this morning
how many ancestors 1 really had, and
found there were several thousand.
Miss Blune-And just think of the
Insignificant result of all those ances-
tors.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1914-04-02
The Mirror and the Ladv.

Patience-I see mirrors at street
corners have been suggested to pre-
vent automobile collisions
Beatrice-But what could be done to
prevent the crowding Of street cor
ners by women?
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1914-04-02
a Trifie Strong.

Bibbs-You must excuse the odor
of this cigar, but
Gibbs-Never mind about apologiz-
ing, young man, I've worked in a phos-
phate factory.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1914-04-02

Much thanks: 1t is hoped that one
may have the pleasure extreme of ar
irving again some evening""
Some evening" is the next evening
In the same rocking chair.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1914-04-02
AHdad Zesf

Madge-I never thought you were
the kind of girl who would take pleas
ure in listening to a divorce case.
Marjorie-But, my dear, l happened
to know the spondent-Judge
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1914-04-02
Professional Habit

81 never saw anything like links In
our debating club. He always wants
to take the negative in any question"
That's professional instinct. You
must remember he's photographer"
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1914-04-02
Goino Some

Bacon-Our cat is dead, and 1t was
fifteen years old.
Egbert-It must have gone the pace.
Bacon-Why?
Egbert-To live nine lives In Is
years.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1914-04-02
Spitefui.

My husband considered a very
long time before he proposed TO me.
He was very careful" "Ah, it's al
ways those careful people who get
taken in
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1914-04-02
Once More.

Old Friend-What! Another mar
Rage? l thought me the light OF your
life had gone out.
Widower-Yes: but I'm going to
strike another match.-Princeton
Tiger.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1914-04-02

method Of decorating wood is
interesting; it also serves to
show that as a race of com
merciaI geniuses they are
right in the front rank and
wearing bells OF considerable
size.
Many centuries ago these
keen-sighted Orientals began
TO gather driftwood from the
sea and turn it TO the uses
of beauty without treating it
in any way. Its embossed
like surface, due to tns long
continued smashing of the
waves and the chemical ac-
ton of the salt of the sea,
which destroys the softer
parts of the wood aad leaves
the harder growth in irregu-
lar ribs. was to them a source
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1914-04-02
The Test

That's a patient man."
Yes. His family is one Of those
which insist that the test of good
father is a willingness to go without
overshoes himself while the others
have sleds and skates"
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1914-04-02
The Combination

so your dentist decided you had
sympathetic tooth?"
"He did, and his bill was the last
sympathtic touch"
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1914-04-02
The Canine Vice.

Dogs are models for human beings.
They neither drink, swear nor smoke.
yes, but if you don't look out, this
one will start chewing presently"
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1914-04-02
HEARD ON A RAINY DAY,

Look here madam, you just jabbed me in the
eye with your umbrella"
I'm very sorry. Here's my fathers card He's
an eye doctor, and if you use my name he'll give
you his lowest rates
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1914-04-02
She Scored,

''You threw yourself at my head
Quoth he.
SCI wanted a good soft mark
Said she
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1914-04-02
The Alternative.

"Do you think the jury will hang
the prisoner"
Eyes, unless his lawyer oontriveS to,
hang the jury
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1914-04-02
A New Version,

Automobiles all remind us
Footprints on sands are now effete.
But tire tracks we can behind US
Leave on dirt roads, pike or street.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1914-04-02
Aroused Her Curiosity.

Marie-I wonder how old you are?
Julia-I just told you my age.
Marie-Yes; that's what set me
wondering
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1914-04-02
Most of Err Do.

Dear me, It's so hard to buy for
man" Yes, hate to spend the
money that way, TO-"
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1914-04-02

land on St Johns day the BaaI fires
are lighted
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1914-04-02

Dinks-Why do pugilists shake hands
when they go into the ring?
Winks-For the same reason, sup
pose, that two women kiss when they
meet on the street.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1914-04-02

or two experiments on small pieces
will teach all there is to know.
The work of the wire brush
leaves the board completely COW
cred with a fine brown powder,
which must be entirely removed.
This is done by going over it first
with a whiskbroom and then with
a small dry scrubbing brush, the
latter being handled vigorously to
polish the raised surface. Cloth
should not be used. to remove the
powder, as it will rub the powder
in instead of removing it.
The final finish depends upon the
taste of the operator. If the
process is completed after the re-
moval Of the powder, the board
will be softer in tone and less brill
liant than if waXed Ordinary floor
wax, however, will bring out the
full effect of the grain. The wax
should be applied and then polished
with a bristle brush. Thin stains.
while permissible, have the effect
of darkening the wood. An excel
lent way to give color to the board
is to apply ordinary lead paint of
the desired color and then imme-
diateIy remove all that can be