Evening star., 1914-12-13
OPPORTUNITIES. TEHE OBSERVER

deluge by this time and was preparing
to depart. Now tell me why We should
have archaeological specimens in a mod
ern office?'
The attorney said nothing. but you
could see that he was thinking.
If there is anything that needed pro-
hibtive tax on it il is that water pitcher.
There are some persons who, like the at
torney, are continually loading them
selves up with junk and then hanging on
to it like grim death rather than have
an occasional housecleaning. These are
the boys in whose Office drawers You
will find marked copies of papers dated
1879 and in whose homes are elderly
chairs with enfeebed constitutions which
are kept out Of the furnace only by the
copious application of glue-and-twinc
bandages
The Observer recalls i friend who
owned one ,f these chairs. Ii was his
hobby Long winter evenings were
whiled away in acting as nurse and
physician to it. Each leg was OF diff
ferent length. which caused it to wobble
drunkenly whenever it was touched. As
soon as the man had bolstered one part
another would give way. The family
used to forego the theater so they could
sit in circle around 1t after dinner
and gaze at it and wonder how MAN,
more minutes would elapse before the
grand crash came.
Everything went well until a friend
of the man came to dinner and leaned
gracefully against the chair for about
two -tifths of a second. When they
lifted him to his feet they found be-
meath him merely Il thousand splint-
cred wreck. The friend left the house
without a word. Days after the chair
owners wild rage had subsded he
had been and grieve and grieve.
Why not. the Observer thought. a
good solid tax on all OF this kind OF
junk? This should include patent cigar
lighters that do not light until held
within three inches of the face. when
they blow up. nonchalantly. like toy
firecrackers, and cremate both eye
brows. It should also include the
notices which are to be found in every
guest room. The guest who stays over
for the night must be an object of
keen suspicion The owner OF the house
is confident that unless the guest 5
moral character is improved. for that
night at least he is going to get up
the family. What other hypothesis ac-
counts for these Home. Sweet Home
and BE Good and You Will Be Happy
sentiments invariably. to be found by
the guest at the head of his bed:
:: =
There are millions of dollars in d
| tax on junk How about the mental
| junk? To some men, the human mind
is a long suffering creature that will
stand for anything-and. hence, mus,
stand for it. Does not the Observer
remember Johnny Jones. who went Il
school? Little John had a domelikt
head and wore eyeglasses and at the
| age of twelve he was miles and mile:
ahead of everybody else in his class.
| Ultimately he went into the office oi
lawyer. He knew everything. did
Johnny. One day the lawyer was die
L., Ix.l, t,k
used the word "usufructuary. That
was little Johnny's chance. He spent
half an hour telling the attorney that
usufructuary was derived from two
Latin words meaning use and fruit
and in law it meant the temporary use
of another's property. And the lawyer
who possessed simple and practical
mind, arose and slew little Johnny, and