davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1914-01-23
| Hu,,,or Of the Dog

Teaeher- "Tommie. this great man ah9ut
~ nnconscfous humorist. What e IN ~
t3ker tha<'s tainted away. LIZ
my son, II 4 ereat deal har4r =
Speud money Win rood Judgment - -
n TO make Il" "WeIl, father, let me ~
half thA burden on your hands. xoh
make II, ara I'll spsnd II. 's-Boston T5eu-
The railways have done away 40
pasees se4t1re9y. sid the membef q -
piled the embdttered fzraf editor. No.
and then one Of them pasDes dtvtdeu4F
Wilmington Star.
Among thoss thinss that % Withoat
saying may . tpcludsd The lAagpAge g
oeaf mute6L-Puck.
.T1pp3er-.T sometimes wonder Why I
never reac1ed aucco9o IN nfo." Ca4nA
Ff1ond-Tbere have boen too many hoED
IN your way. my boy."-Boston Tran-
Judgs-'.rhirty dayA~ Prissnse-,aoA,
please don't eond ne to 5atl. your hopo4~
Judgo-'sWell. then, IN MAKE 4 - Bezfo
thaf?s rrisonar = ssr1ne~-Bu6hSoA me-
o..ey.z.s;s.ss efoes.ss = me -
him down nke TIE reet Of - eaF1D
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1914-01-23
Jayhawker lots

Don't try to figure out how much
you are ahead Of yourself this time
last year, advises the Havensvillo Re-
view. but find out how much you are
behind the other fellow now-then
catch up.
One Of the most popular men in
PaoIa is the new preacher who has a
slight limp, reports the Olathe Reg
lister. The young ladies thought that
he was a tango teacher and that he
was practicing the Dip.
Something most extraordinary. in
deed, happened at the Valley Falls
high school last week, as Its reporter
for the Eastern Kansan says: None OF
the visitors to the school would con-
sent to make speech.
II there are no objections the prize
for being the biggest flatterer Will be
awarded to the Mayetta Herald. In
the local and personal news in its re-
cent issue was this item: The hand
| soonest girl in this city is a reader OF
| this paper, we arc proud to state. and
A story Of other days, an related by
the Gaylord Sentinel: I'm a bear"
snarled q Bad Man in q frontier ga
loon. I'm a bear. I tell you." he re-
peated. as he pulled his hiatt down
over his eyes. struck the top of the bar
with his fist and swore. Exasperated
by so much display of bravado, a big
| sturdy bartender left the bar, and
cOOlly and calmly walked up to the
Bad Man, looked him sQuare in the
eye and said: $50 you are a bear are
your "Oh. I'm just q pet bear" said
the Bad Man, AZ he slouched toward
the door. "Just q pet bear"
An Atchison woman. relates the
Atchison Globe. invited some friends
| in for q little afternoon party. At
about the proper time for refresh
| ments'' to be served she disappeared,
and then returned: nothing doing.
Then she would disappear again. and
come back. but NO Refreshments" At
| last one of the guests who knew her
very we'll, followed the hostess when
she disappeared. Th@AQatess vs.
wild; the ''refreshmentS were in tie
oven, and no gas! The friend investf-
gated and found the hostess had not
turned on the gas. She turned it ON
and then fol1owe0 by the hostess ref
turned to the guests to tell OF the m
cident. She exploded with laughing
while telling 1t. The hostess rolled
! over with laughter at the incident, and
| the guests were roaring with laughter
over the incident when suddenly
every face grew pale. With horrided
expressions, the entire party rushed to
the kitchen. Sure enough the refresh
ments were burned to q crisp. The
guests went home hungry.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1914-01-23
BYss Roy e AOULrON .

~f,,ss5 An Unpopular Song.
DESIGNATED for the Motion Picture
- Houses)
Just Wait U1til the Ghost Walks,
Mamie, Dear.
A young brideI.t 70 her husband said.
unto him she did say,
One morning when the sun was in
the east: s.
We've got to have a box Of breakfast
food to eat today: sst :.
We also must annex q cake OF
yeast
Her hubby then addressed her and his
tears were falling fast.
His optics they were swollen mp and
red:
Say not, SAY not, such unlkind things"
he cried aloud at last.
And then to her these mournful words
ne 'aio' CHORUS.
"Just wait until the ghost walks, Ma
mic, dear: Mamie, dear.
I'll get you a cake Of yeast then. never
fear, never fear.
When they print my latest story
Well have breakfast food and glory,
Just wait until the ghost walks. Ma
mie, dear: Mamie dear"
SECOND STANZA.
CThirty-nine years are supposed to
Each day for nearly forty years the
editor he sought.
And wif1e's switch had turned from
And not a box of breakfast food had
her fond hubby brought
The cake Of yeast was still quite far
away.
were singing bright.
They called around and got him with
a dray, 49,
And took him to the foolish farm. His
noodle wasn't right.
And never more to wife will he say:
CHORUS.
H"Just wait until the ghost walks, Ma
mic, dear: Mamie, dear.
But when 1t does no yeast you'll need,
fear: need, fear,
For they may get to my story
When you're ninety-five and hoary.
So wait until the ghost walks, Mamie,
dear: Mamie. dear"
Seasonable Verse.
Hot water bags and mustard plasters,
Quinine capsules by the score.
Hot lemonade and Hnseed poultice,
Sulphur dope we all adore.
Innuenxy, SPAWN, 'ringbone,
Jaundice. pleurfsy and pip,
All combined can't hold a candle
To the old bone-jarring grip.
In the Wake Of the News.
A New Jersey man set his barn on
fire to call guests to a banquet. He
probably had- pawned his dinner bell
to buy tho banquet
The Standard OH Company IL back
ing q string OF five and ten-cent stores
pennies. -
1t isn't going to be any easier to
borrow money from those regional re-
serve banks than from the old style
-
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1914-01-23

e 1lll yHEHzA elGx(BIkIe [xISR
81 49, g! beels -. l.la 49,.
Bravs Hannibal 4 rushing ct
A high Threntum wall
He waves hfD CarthaG1nlAA ha4
And crdeg. sThey.ye got to faur
And ~ = thousand warriors ID,
Each turning up his toes.
Xo0 hear . camerA-bearef CRY,
HI, General! hold that poae!''
One c. J. Caesars gone and put
His 1fGhfiuG garments On,
And he's about to lift his foot
To croa8 the Rubicon.
And nov . person with plata
Hey. cassaxi st your heapst straishti
Get In the focus there!"
Tho eminent Napoleon B.
II now at Waterloo.
The Old Guard, fun Of corps esprit
Ii marshalnng In view.
And from the movte-mAlrer bold
Ia There comes the stern behegts
You. Bonaparte! you've got to fold
Your arms across your chest!"
Next f1lm! The scene IL Valley Forge
And food IN very dear.
Ono Washington Chs drst name George
Remarks, "We're starving herer'
But suddenly this god Of war
Enunciafes his plan:
wen 90 and fight q battle for
Tho liberal movie man"
Abe Lincoln. stop! That paper do mot
Until the cameras can get in line.
John O'Keefe. in the New York World.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1914-01-23
Journal Entries

Distance. At any rate. fails to lend en-
chantment to money.
It may be no disgrace to be poor but
1t IS mighty distressing.
Finding fault Is the antithesis Of ind
ing a needle in haystack.
Hopes are generally strongest when
the chances Of their realization are
slightest.
Any Of the New Years resolutions
still ON the Job probably are not worth
breaking.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1914-01-23

John Kings annual retirement from
baseball arrived about on schedule
time. His re-entry into the game will
probably do likewise. In the meantime
the sport writer's will print a para
graph or two one day as to what he
proposes to do, and a paragraph or two
the next day denying their previous
announcement.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1914-01-23

Shawnee county ranks third In popu-
lation among the counties Of the state.
and also In regard to the assessea- val
s,.vsnth In rssnect "a IRE s1sses dur
ing the past year. This h q showing
worth while, and incidentally IT, fine
testimony to the efficiency OF the To-
pelEa fire department. which has to do
the bulk Of TIE nrs-fChting in the
eounty.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1914-01-23
Eu,ening Chat
Tho vsasje OF aaPoee.

To accuse q man Of posing II to Inn
pute 1nsfncerity. And IA insincerity il
something to be ecdfned. 70 do we
ecorn the p0seur.
one and that is when 1t
represents the ideal Of the person who
poses. A man who wishing to gain our
admiration. interests himself In socio-
logical problems organizing self help
clubs among those less fortunate and
giving both himself and his time. II ac-
complishing something really worth
while, oven though II r. hut q pose. as
we may suspect
It may be that think 1t very f1ne to
he considered well read, an authority
on the better class Of literature, on the
best forms Of art. or the highest type
OF musical expression. You are not
genuinely interested at the start at
least. In any OF these things. You like
to pose AZ better informed than some
Of your acquaintance.
1t is necessary. Of course. that you
do some studying. That in itself win
teach you to concentrate on matter
which you, at heart, would prefer to
leave unread. That II splendid tlisci-
pine. You are also learning something
which, but for the pose, you would not
know. That IL education: II II quite
possible that as your mind becomes
better disciplined. and your education
broadens. you Will end by taking q real,
not mock, interest In what was your
pose.
1T is only a pose Of hers" 30 we are
told when some Of our circle goes in
for charity, music. art or literature.
Perhaps it IL.
But isn't IL better that Mrs. A.. who
has few home cares, thanks to her hus-
bands success, should 90 in for charity,
rather than auction bridgo7 Or that
Mrs. B., whose family has grown up and
married, should display 4. real, or make
believe interest 'fMS good litefAtdA-e,
rather than sit about the house, get
ting what ideas she has from the con-
tents Of a paper covered novel?
If your keenly conscious Of your own
human failings. Of your ignorance on
certain subjects, or your own deplor-
able sselhshness. wish to pose az well
informed or extremely generous. do 30.
You will lind that the pose represents
an ideal. perhaps unsuspected, and that
you will continually bolster yourself
up with a little study here, or a little
spectacular generosity there, so that
your friends may not suspect too
strongly that you aren't AZ good or
as learned as you would have them be-
lieve. In the end you may even actual-
ly become as good or as learned an YOU
at first pretended to be.
And II you suspect q friend Of pos
ing, consider before you criticise. II
he Is posing as something better than
he would himself be, leave him alone,
except to stimulate him now and then
by making him be really charitable If
he poses as charitable, or really learned
II he poses as learned. 60
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1914-01-23

That old-fashioned man who was
quick to fight when called q liar seems
to have become reincarnated in the
person Of Representative johnson, Of
Kentucky. And wouldn't there have
been some real fun and excitement in
Washington had Colonel Roosevelt
found 1t necessary to elevate Mr.. john
ron to membership in the Ananias
club?
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1914-01-23

Evidence is accommodating daily that
there are to be exceedingly merry times
In the Kansas political arena during
the next few mopths. and especially
among the remaining leaderA sot the
Progressive party. and their erstwhile
fellow laborers in the vineyard Of Ar
mageddon who now have designs ON the
Republican party to continue them in
or carry them to office
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1914-01-23
RACE BNTTERMENT.


his hero declare In one Of his recent
apart and distinct from individual in
telligence, then 1t must be admitted
that the social intelligence Of today In
concerned as never before with the flu
ture and with the good Of coming gen.
erations. OF this, the Conference on
Race Betterment. just held at Battle
Creek, Mich. Is a striking illustration.
Whatever one may think of the in
dividual views expressed. or Of the
gatherings says The Journal Of the
American Medical Association. the
fact IL in itself significant that such a
conference, extending over I'VE days
and attended by thousands Of people,
10 possible. -
Never before in the history Of civil
ization have there been 10 many men
and women who were earnestly, sim
cerely and unselfishly laboring for the
general good. One may criticize their
reasoning, dissect their statistics or
draw from their premises entirely DIFF
ferent conclusions. but the important
fact remains that such conferences
which are becoming increasingly fire.
Quent, would have been impossible
and practically inconceivable q gen.
Grafton ago. The pessimist and the
critic see in such gatherings only an
other symptom Of universal unrest
and discomfort. The optimist sees in
them family foreshadowed the dawn
ing Of the age OF which Tennyson
sang, when each mans good shall be
all mems aim. The purpose of the
Battle Creek conference. as officially
stated, was Ito assemble evidence as
to the extent to which degenerative
tendencies are actively at work in
America and to promote agencies for
race betterment." Under the first
head were papers on apparent in
crease in degenerative diseases. the
declining birth-rate. crime, deteriora-
ton Of civilized women. factory de-
generation, alcohol and tobacco. social
evil, and delinquent and defective
children. On the constructive side
were discussions on eugenics in many
of its phases.
The program impressed one as be-
ing overloaded on the degenerative
side-possibly because Of an over en-
phasis of the subject at the present
time-and as too much given over to
q discussion Of the past and present
conditions rather than of constructive
plans for the future. Tho general ef-
feet left on the mind Of the listener
was that the many papers and ad-
dresses, most of them excellent in
themselves. were not correlated and
were written often from conflicting, II
not contradictory points of view
while many Of those in attendance
| impressed the careful observer az be.
| ing earnest rather than informed. and
jealous rather than discriminating
The impressive, undeniable fact. how.
ever, IL that they wefe there. It Il
possible today, for the FIRST time in thu
history Of civilization. to call and t.
hold q conference to discuss not time.
worn dogmas or even present-day
needs, but future possibilities. From
this point of view. such conferences
must command the careful attention
Of the student Of social development
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1914-01-23

Since the Oklahoma State Commits
sion has undertaken to fix the retail
price Of kerosene. the New York World
thinks It Is up to the Rockefeller In
stitute to investigate at once and find
out what kind Of a microbe makes that
kind Of a statesman,
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1914-01-23

Stablemen are bePinning to use the
vacuum cleaner instead Of the curry
comb on their. horses. Doesn't this
solve the problem Of the tramp and the
police station bath?
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1914-01-23

No doubt about the wisdom Of the
burglars working in Topeka. They
frisk the rooms and pocketbooks of the
cooks. and pay no attention to those of
the master and mistress of the prem
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1914-01-23

Senator Bristow's inability to ap-
proximate the merits Of anything that
is accomplished by any one else is evil
denced again by his Characterization Of
the new banking and currency law as
being ''reactfonary."
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1914-01-23

Gabriel d'Annunzio says that sleep is
q mere myth. 1t 10, Gabriel, when the
long Substance alarm begins business at
the usual time in the morning and the
clock is out Of reach.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1914-01-23

: At least there 10 no need for worry
among the fans hereabouts that the
Federal League will seriously disturb
the personnel Of the teams in the West
ern League.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1914-01-23

zhe 0tasei Journal II Q member Of the
Aesog1Atea Pres and resolves the fn1 1av
too09Fnph eopogt q that great neWn NJ
Gnafn6oD Der Ne exclu11ve aftekooos
0une1oat1eu IN Topeka
~ news u received IN The state Joug.
~ bu1d1ug ever wires for this sole Pug
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1914-01-23

Az Winston Churchill alighted from
a train in London the other day. q mill
tant suffragete shouted at him. Clever
idea that; Mr.. Churchill is probably
used 60 bricks.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1914-01-23

One Of the old Scotch prognostica-
tions. apropos Of Grounding Day, will
certainly be impossible Of fulfillment in
these parts this time. 1t runs:
IF Candlemas is fair and clear,
There1l be twa winters in the year"
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1914-01-23

Apparently the Democrats have 1t
figured out thGt they have many con-
gressional fences to repair. Else they
would not be SO determined to effect an
adjournment of congress by July 1.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1914-01-23

Just now there seems to be two
classes Of men in this country-those
worrying about their incomes and those
worrying about their income tax.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1914-01-23

A Pittsburg physician advises girls to
use an antiseptic after kissing. But
where Pittsburg men are concerned, is
there any antiseptic on the market
strong enough?
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1914-01-23

With q perfectly reckless abandon.
the Washington Post asks: II Bosr
and Brtttsher fall out, what will the
Hindu9
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1914-01-23

President Wilson's Constitution of
Peace n alSo q Declaration Of Inde-
pendence against tho big business
baitafS.
The Topeka state journal. [volume] (Topeka, Kansas) 1892-1980, 1914-01-23
From, Other Pens
UoLNEss AND wrsDoar.

A corre.pondent. presumably himself
not . habitual competftgr m beauty con-
liking Of ''homeiys' people Or ffssh air
with accuracy Of observation, but charges
him with failacy Of deduetion The un-
favored Of nature. declares the critic.
sible than tho others, thDy, better realise
iss benefit. snd 81 z meEs ps..istsntly.
bly, irrsmediahle. misu1R Of the wog4
''homely" by both Of these disputAnts. ouo
turns with interest TO the interestinG
are not more intelligent than the beaut1-
full. That there exists and always has
existed, . somewhat widespread, almost
IS true butt psrSsns Il r.st. % On tn nothns
better than the fact that. the more or less
ugly folk vastly outnumber1ng the really
good looking. they have blown their own
ty. and half convinced the latter. as well
as themselves. that they-the ugly ones
have . ccnsolatofy superiority. Perhaps.
ugly. to get along at all. to cultivate brain
more assiducusly than It has been Sneces-
sary for the beautiful to do Theoretical
y On % much more 1ns tSan msss
superficial accident-is % much more
than skid deep. - the silly proverb saye-
common CON, 5upposition Is fully justified.
Beauty means health and lineage properly
called good. It therefore deserves all the
admiration Il receives, and those who
make def0gafory remarks about beauty
and its 1oDsessors would every one be
glad to hccept It, with all Its risks. if
they could. New York Times.
/. r0LsTOY THE PARADOX.
+ Tolstoys biography illustrates better
than any other the dfstracting contrasts
sof the, typical Russian nobleman and I'M
tellectualI He saw from the inside every
phase Of Russian life. He lived In the
soldier'sl camp. and in the courts of royal
ty, in the drawing rooms Of faahion ana
In the h4unts OF Bohemia. He lived the
savage HE in the Caucasus and the patEi-
archal NE At Yasnaya PoIyana-
A maA Of uncomfortable passions. he
committed every sin that 1t was fashion,
able foH man Of his caste to commit
He gaulbled away his ancestral home he
Joined the revels Of his fellow officers and
wasted This substance in the company Of
Yet from an early age he aspirsd =
sanctitk. Although professionally. . SOL
dier, h6 early became an apostle Of poaco.
"A literary lion in the circles OF Moscow
he bedame the exponent Of the simple Nfo.
An arlstocrat to his fingeA tips. he preach
ed the gospel Of democracy. A big land
ownef, he ended by being an advocate oe
asce4c ahd, . woman hater. yet hi wt1s
bore him sixteen: ch1ldrep.-Lsondon Every
mani
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1914-10-24

meath the waves. It was all over with
her in two minutes.
In less than an hour after we had
sighted the Germans her second de-
stroyer was out of action. She was
ablaze fore and aft, showing what the
fearful shell work was doing. AS one
shell hit her the tunnels. bridge, tor
pedo tubes and deck fittings all disap-
peared like magic.
I'VE actually passed over the spot
where the first vessel was struck. and
for the space of couple of seconds, as
we tore through the water at rate of
over thirty knots an hour, We saw poor
wretches floating about, clinging to
charred and blackened debris and
other wreckage. It was a pitiable
sight, but we had two more combat
ants to put out of action, and were
forced to speed along and try to forget
it.
1.-THE second ship, still mass OF
flames, had sunk to the level OF the
water and we soon had the remaining
two holed and MANNED. Their firing
was very poor. though several Of their
shells flew around and cast Shrapne1
bullets about US.
1.-THE enemy fired many torpedoes, one
of them missing the Undaunteds stern
by only a few yards. Fortunately, we
saw the bubbles 1t made as it ap-
preached. and thus avoided the fate OF
the Aboukir "a British cruiser sunk re-
Gently by German submarine).
AN hour and half after the Ger
mans were sighted all was over with
them. and the order was given to save
life"
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1914-10-24

on the Monroe doctrine, no matter what
the outcome of the war.
The ambassador said that his assur-
ances hal first been given Informally In
a conve rsation with one of the officials
of tho State Department. he could not
recall whether it vas Secretary Bryan
or Counselor Lansing. Mr.. Lansing ga d
today the assurances had not been given
to him, and that he did not know Ct
them. Secretary Bryan is in the west
speaking in tho congressional campaign.
Lays Statement to British.
The ambassador said the statement
was made because Of statements from
various English sources that Germany
if successful, would not respect the
Monroe doctrine and doubtless would
attempt to make great colonization
schemes in South America. The am
bassador declared that all such state
ments were entirely false and that his
statement fled with the department
makes that very clear.
The ambassador said he could not
recall exactly how many days it had
been between the time of his informal
announcement to the State Depart
ment and his putting the matter in
writing. but that 1t could not have
been very long.