davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington herald., 1914-04-19
YOUR UNCLE IISHA SAYS

saved would-he burglar half an
hours time hy informing him from a
window tnat there WAS no Dlunder for
him IN the huUS- and ne went away mad
instead OF grateful 1t dlsappoints You tu
meet UP with such human nature.
When \ man has served the public for
ten years honestly and well. the fact
may be mentioned in the newspapers in
three or four lines. When he has served
only three months and stolen $Iu."h he is
sure Of A column or two with five scare
heads at the top.
When I am awakened at midnight by
the yeOwlinR of cat | wonder whether
ii is a female or a tom-whcTher the color
is black or White-whether il is my cat
or Smiths. ard the first thing I know
am asleep aEain and haven't thrown a
bottle nor a bootiaCk. There is most al
ways an easy way out
When | am telling the truth and moth
Ing but the truth. and Vet am called
liar I get terribly Indignant. When l am
lying. and know that lie and am called
a liar ] lind myself - mad that want
10 Kill the party wHu says ! am. | Won
der II other men a~c hat way
M@tnetn3tlCS IRE u curious tning- Al
the end Of last mon h | said. 20 the
man who cares for my horse:
james. | owe you thirty dollars.
Yes. sir"
''lI,n,:s the six dollars Uorth Of hay
and oats Won have stolen and sold dur
ing tie month.
Yes. sir. but there are two minuses
in ,&is problem
How is Ihat?"
Why. if you take "Ut that SIX dol
lars Won are minus me-"
James still holds his job.
Because I can see through 4 hole in
CrindstDne at once don't expect that
all other mcn Ought r". T." HEent Of
huf-air furnace "o'u {" me the
=. her day and ASSERTED q nj II ! would
buy h, frrur,c ".lt make e SAL
ing ur =: per ct oi r"IL at nrlS
tried iu show him rh,. IL didn't TAX"
his furnace III III ;; sIVe he
other - pc r"'I N'!, ." want away
mad and diarrsI;c,
Fu- ten I,r.- -"sI: WIS puzzled
to ..-..F.. nrt -. I'... "". didnt lat
DanI wtrSu .:v W. r'sr mt" Heir d'n.
t.. u It ..rd~cviy "cr'rred % me that
they Cnr:IG 1T FaN, boo" hungry. ami
! hav" worried M more. II you keep
at thing long enough you can get
The Washington herald., 1914-04-19

III. rIht crd of il I am now asking
myself why rabbits were not born with
long tails
ON" night my wife woke me out Of a
sound sleep to say:
" 'I.isha. | forgot to tell you that one
Of tn" hons laid an egg this afternoon. .
You don't say
YES. she did
Then VIC can have fried eggs tot
breakfast
Put there is only one"
"Rut its seven hours to breakfast II
Won will wake me up once an hour 70
toll me that hen laid an egg this after
noon there VIII be SIX or seven eggs 10
fry
Women would rule the world il they
had heads At planning
There is no doubt that an ambitious
man can climb up in this country. but
no one can predict with positive GER
tainty whether he will land in a COVER
nor's chair or a prison cell. one seems to
belong to ambition much the other.
II might he just as we'll to pay cash.
tell the truth and vote early and often
and stop at that.
When | read a statement by scientist
that tho nodo Bird is extinct it makes
a feeling { sadness creep over me. When
| read that the same scientist bought
Siivc~ mine stock at cents on the dol
lar and WAS holding for a rise to par. a
feeling o. relief steals over me. 1t satis-
t-s mo that the II. B. still lives and will
probably continue To.
Most any man can sit down and write
an article on the foolishness Of worry.
but let that same man find that he
hasn't street car fare and must walk
three miles against a north wind and
the way he will take on about II will
tip the town hal! over. The man who
has got past worrying has either become
a fool or has been sent to prison fer
life
Several eminent divines have lately pub
liCly Stat"d that the world is growing
hetter. hut at the same time they are
lot leaving the chains off their door
mats nor asking strangers to hold their
nNorroats while they spit on heir hands
When W. "mFloy doctor and he cures
ycu h.. sends a hill. When YOU employ
u.rc I'D yu@ ~, Of .; H.. also sends a bill
In iha enc raSC i is sent to YOU; in the
Other 10 yo'Ir widow II is simply a tech
n'cal:ty, and should not be taken to ssri-
Ously.
The Washington herald., 1914-04-19

''Speakin' about dawgs," said the old
'Possum Hunter, of Tennessee, one night
as we were roasting chestnuts at the
kitchen fireplace, Il had one ten years
ago who got me into a heap % trouble
and l never did understand rightly what
allied him. He was a Virginia dawg and
the way he would tackle a bear or wild
cat was amazin' to see. He didn't seem
to fear nuthin' on earth, and fur year
he licked every dawg which cum along
this road. / could hev swapped him on
fur a mewl a dozen times over, but he
was a good thing TO hang on to. Thar
was jest one tunny thing about that var
mint. Whenever he heard me cussin' he
would drap his tail and start fur home.
II It was around the house he'd go and
hide in the woods fur two or three hours.
He jest couldn't abide to h'ar me sw'ar
and when I told the old woman about
il she said:
Thar amt no great mystery about
it That dawg was probably brought
up in the house of a Virginny preacher
and rippin' and cussin' hurts his feelin's.
Then I'll harden him to ii" says /.
The Washington herald., 1914-04-19

''Sammis. do YOU remember how used
quarters
Yes. sir
But after awhile you noticed a change
IN me. I ceased :" praise and To slip.
TIE change occurred because I feared l
was spolliuC YOU. | reasoned that il yoI
got YOUR head all swelled up you'd soon
think Yourself too big for the place. I
was wrong. Sammis. dead wrong. and l
beg your pardon
I'll forgive you. sir
Many thanks. And now as 10 tho ru-
tUre. You want a father ! am ready to
be adopted. You are rerspirin- over A
gigantic MORTGAGE. I'll perSPIre with you
Wen he a syndiCat,-luSt two uc rs
adopted father and zdapted son Nou
work in harmony with me- work in
harmony with YOU. Is II t" BE-. Sammisr.'
gave him my hand. and h- left three
quarters in II for the mortE4Ee | eN-
pected to hear from Mr.. Ra-har. and I
lid He "aIled me into his u'Ft.e and kept
me on the ragged cdEe ior Eve minutes
before he asked.
''Sammis. how many adopted fathers
have YOU got around this building
'TweHty-nine. sir"
We'll II any Ot EN- grow cold and be-
gin 10 claw oef you'd better let EN- 90
without fuss. l doH't like to see a boy
making a hog OF himself"
| don't look for any more trouble
around here on account of the fatherIy
business. hut II It comes l shall try to
meet il with CalmneSs and for;itude and
maintain my rights and dignity a.
SAMMIS.
The Elevator Boy.
The Washington herald., 1914-04-19
CONFESSIONS OF FOOL

As a boy, born in the town of Colville,
Of parents in moderate circumstances,
John Williams was called dull. When he
had reached his majority he was ac-
counted light in the head" He was a
butt of ridicule for years and years, and
no one could ever remember that he re-
sented it. When he was told, as was
witted. he laughed in a good-natured
way II people laughed at him he laugh
ed back, and if the joke was on him il
seemed to please him as much as If some
one else had been hit There was only
one thing about the town fool which was
not as plain as day. From the time he
was eighteen years old he kept a diary
1t was often wondered what he wrote
down, but no one ever had a chance to
see. The diary didn't take in daily
events, as was one day discovered. but
in the course of twelve years an abund-
ance of things were jotted down. At the
age of thirty John Williams was fatally
injured by the kick of a horse. When it
was given out that he had only three or
four days to live the public had no SYM
pathy to waste. Perhaps the town fool
didn't expect any. From time to time
the doctors told him he WAS a doomed
man he began to set his house in order
That is. he had his diaries brought to his
bed and sent for a justice of peace and a
worthy witness. He had a few death bed
confessions TO make. Number one went
hack twelve years. A sawmill in the
town had been destroyed by fire. The day
after the fire a man named Thompson
had put a red-hot cent on the sidewalk
for the town fool to pick up. The diary
recorded both events. The confession
was to the effect that John Williams had
seen Thompson set fire to the mill 1t
was written out and sworn to and wit
messed. and then came confession number
two. In that same year some one had
stolen three smoked hams from the Gel
lar of a villager. Following close upon
the loss of the hams, as duly recorded in
the diary, the village blacksmith had
ducked the town fool in his water-tub for
joke. The confession was to the ef-
The Washington herald., 1914-04-19

would help things along" she observed.
Just so. / was expecting you to say
something meal. When you understand
my object however, you may change
your mind. / shall now proceed to SOW
and plant and when l have finished you
can send the cook out to gather the 700
clothespins. the 800 forks and the 2OOO
spoons l have dug up in making this
small bed. l do not wish to find fault
no husband ever does-but IL you could
only manage to plant what few dishes
We have left out here somewhere we
could eat off tn ironing board with our
fingers"
There were two clothespins. one old fork
and a broken spoon in sight. but Mrs.
Bowser dint di Dute his figures. He had
The Washington herald., 1914-04-19

now that I am going to din. shall speak
cut. Just write il down and let me
swear it.
Confession number ciCht produced no
shiveTs The diving man simply con-
fessed that he had been hired by the
postmaster to set a gristmill on fire, but
after making two or three vain attempts
he had given up the job. Number nine
didn't amount to much either. One OF
The Washington herald., 1914-04-19

must he wandering" Easped the jus
tice. as he paused in his writing.
Don't you worry about my mind" re-
piled tho DIVING man as he closed his
eyes. Things have hocn going on and
I've been keeping track of them. II
was going to live. I'd keep mum. but
The Washington herald., 1914-04-19
BOWSER AND THE MOON
Does it Influence or Doesn't it?

regained his good nature before dinner
was over. and after the meal he as
sumed the patronizing air of the average
husband and said:
Il informed you that l had a special
object in mixing up things in that bed,
and ! will now explain it. Did you ever
give a thought to the vegetation around
you?"
Yes. several OF them.
I'm glad to know II. and / will mark
The Washington herald., 1914-04-19

I'm leave the back door open SO you
can plunge in at any time
But why should want to plunge in?''
he asked.
Because there'll be a bust-up of some
sort, OF course"
He gave her a glare and passed on.
and after walking twice around the newly
made bed he sat down in the chair TO
closely watch any effect the brightly
shining moon might have on his crops.
The herald and news. [volume] (Newberry S.C.) 1903-1937, 1914-03-13

Senator Ellman has had passed
his resolution to prohibit smoking
during executive sessions of the SEN
ate, and the senator has delivered a
dissertation to his colleagues upon the
evil effects of nigh living" The
abuse of whiskey and tobacco, and eat
ing too much, he ascribes as the prin-
cipal cause of i'll health. What the
senator said has been said thousands
of times before, and is no doubt true
In fact, We recall some such thing in
the Bible. Over-indulgence in any
thing is bad; and particularly in the
things which Senator Tillman men
tions.
The herald and news. [volume] (Newberry S.C.) 1903-1937, 1914-03-13

ranged ia large bowls in the other
rooms Of the house. Pictures Of George
Washington and John Rutledge, for
whom the chapter was named, occu-
pied places OF honor.
A stringed orchestra furnished mu-
sic between the calling hours of 3 and
c O'Clock. More than $50 invitations
mad been extended 10 friends Of the
chapter, about the bay for today's
gathering, giving many Of Mrs. Ponds
friends an opportunity TO greet her
before she leaves to join her husband
at Bremerton navy yard, where Cap
tain Pond has recently been placed in
command
Mrs. Harvey Darneal and Mrs. David
p. BarroWs presided in the dining
room this afternoon, and were assist
ed in pouring tea by the Misses Doro-
thy Trabert, Bessie Pond, Jacqueline
Smith and Bernice Arnold AS favors
there were small Washington hats for
each of the guests.
In spite Of the fact that Mrs. Pond
is leaving Berkeley to reside, the chap
ter has refused to give her up as the
first regent and are retaining her as
the head Of the society. Mrs. Pond
plans to make frequent visits to Ber-
kelley, however, and will be able to at
tend some Of the meetings. The
Ponds plan eventually to return to
Berkeley to make their permanent
home after the captain S retirement.
In compliment to Mrs. Pond great
many of the army and navy set were
included in invitations for today S
gathering. Some of those who called
this afternoon to greet the honored
guest were Mrs. Chauncey Thomas,
Mrs. Frank Glass, Mrs. Merrill Miller,
The herald and news. [volume] (Newberry S.C.) 1903-1937, 1914-03-13
REMEDY Is At HOME.

A great many measures are being
introduced in congress which have
for their ostensible aim the protection.
of the farmers of Jne South in the
matter of getting fair price for their
cotton. We hope that some one OF
these bills may do some good, but our
Judgment is that the matter rests fin
ally with the farmers themselves.
Whenever the farmers of the South
realize that by raising at home their
own home supplies, and by devoting
more attention to corn and wheat and
other money crops, they can demand
a fair price for their cotton and re-
ceive it, they will have solved the
problem.
The great trouble with the South in
this regard has been that our planters
have been depending too much on cot
ton and cotton alone Conditions,
however, have improved, and we trust
they Will continue to improve. The
raising at home of home supplies, and
diversified farming, are becoming
more and more the order of the day.
The farmers of the South have
wonderful monopoly in the raising OF
cotton, and when they take advantage
of their opportunity, as they will in
the not distant future, they will be
Independent of every interest and
neither Wall Street nor financial pan
les will be able to affect them.
The herald and news. [volume] (Newberry S.C.) 1903-1937, 1914-03-13
Colonial Reception Given.
Oakland (Cal.) Tribune.


Attired in the elaborate gowns of
the nostesses Of a century ago, the
officers Of the John Rutledge chapter,
Daughters OF the American Revolu-
ton, received at brilliant colonial
ten this afternoon at the handsome
home OF Mrs. Charles l.. Trabert in
ElmWocd Park The affair was plan
ned in compliment 10 the regent Of
the chapter, Mrs. Charles Fremont
Pond, who leaves soon to make ner
home in the north,
ContrasteG with the new spring
frocks and hats, the women in the
receiving line made a quaint picture
in their bouffant gowns and powdered
hair. One of the handsomest of the
colonial costumes was worn by Mrs.
Leigh Richmond Smith, vice-regent OF
the chapter, Who was attired in a
beautiful creation Of pink brocade,
which has been handed down in her
family for a hundred years. While
some of the otAe. gowns were not as
old. they were equally pretty. Mrs.
Pend, the guest OF honor, wore blue
silk, while Mrs. Trabert was Gowned
in white brocade with a laveadar silk
petticoat, wearing handsome amehysts
and diamonds Mrs. ]. B. Thomas
wore lavender brocade, while Mrs.
Robert Lord Cave: Mrs Theodore Gray
and Mrs. Slosson, the other women
in the receiving party, were attired
in other attractive colonial gowns.
The Trabert nome was beautifully
decorated with spring flowers. The
dining room was attractive with yell
low roses, while daffodils, narcissus,
jonquils and other blossoms were ar
The herald and news. [volume] (Newberry S.C.) 1903-1937, 1914-03-13
ger of war,

The only men of worth to a town
are those who forget their own selfish
ends long enough and are liberal
enough in their ideas to encourage
every public and private enterprise,
who are ready with brain and purse
to push every project calculated to
build up the town and enhance its i'm
portance. Fort Mill Times.
There is a great fundamental truth
in this statement. We wish We could
burn it into the heart and soul Of
every man in Newberry. Every one in
every community should do all he can
to encourage every worthy enterprise
iii his community. If he can't always
do it with money, many times kind
word fJly spoken is worth more than
a cash subscription. Give the glad
hand and the encouraging word. These
things have helped to success many
an enterprise and many man. They
cost less to yen t1an an unkind crit
icism.
The herald and news. [volume] (Newberry S.C.) 1903-1937, 1914-03-13
STYLISH CLOTHING.

Dress yourself for spring. "A large
line of new styles expected daily.
Our $500 Style-plus sells for $40
and S25 elsewhere.
A beautiful line of mems Trousers,
Boys Suits expected daily.
NJ. & H. and Stetson Hats, Gents
Furnishings, Holeproof Hose, Shirley
Suspenders, Lion Brand Collars.
The herald and news. [volume] (Newberry S.C.) 1903-1937, 1914-03-13

Lieutenant and Mrs. John Pond, Rev,
and Mrs. Edward Lamb Parsons, Mrs.
Frank n. Luckell, Mrs. Andrew Davis,
Mrs. Frank ]. Woodward, the Misses
Woodward, Mrs. Dana Harmon, Mrs.
Maria Anderson, Mrs. C. A. Smith,
the Misses Adeline and Myrtle Smith,
MIS-. Frederick Joyce, Mrs. Van Wyck
OF San Francisco, and host Of other
guests.
The herald and news. [volume] (Newberry S.C.) 1903-1937, 1914-03-13

The most sensible remark we have
seen in the editorial columns of the
Columbia Record in long time is the
following:
"As long as the people of the United
States have the Philippines on their
hands as an object lesson they will
sidestep taking on the government Of
Mexico if they are wise"
There is such thing, however, as
requiring respect for American citi-
zens and American interests by a
country such as Mexico, without "tak-
ing on the government" of that coun-
try. Governor ColQuitt, of Texas,
seems to be working in harmony with
the Washington administration so far
as he can, but his positive stand in
some recent matters is to be admired
The Herald and News does not mean
to set itself up as critic of the Wash
ington administration. Nor do we
want to see this country involved in
war with Mexico. But it has seem
ed to US at time that a little more
positive stand could have been taken
by this great nation, without the dan
ger of war.
The herald and news. [volume] (Newberry S.C.) 1903-1937, 1914-03-13
DRESS GOODS.

Our selection Of new Spring Dress
Goods is "The talk of the Trade. "
The include all the latest ideas and
designs and each arrival reveals new
beauties. Styles which combine the
sensible with the beautiful. Our dis
play this season is the finest and most
complete we have yet shown.
The herald and news. [volume] (Newberry S.C.) 1903-1937, 1914-03-13

bling at the grass in the yard and tneS
summer girl eyed it doubtfully. Tell
me-" she said, turning impulsi7ely to
her hostess, docs it really pay to keep
as small COW as that?"
The herald and news. [volume] (Newberry S.C.) 1903-1937, 1914-03-13
Little Use.

A month-old Jersey calf was nib
Lippincott's.
The herald and news. [volume] (Newberry S.C.) 1903-1937, 1914-03-13
Reach Years of TalkatiYeness.

London Opinion.
Mother-Helen, little girls must not
talk all the time at the table.
Helen-When will / be old enough
to. mother?
The herald and news. [volume] (Newberry S.C.) 1903-1937, 1914-03-13
FARM SUPPLIES.

We wish to remind you that our line
OF Groceries will save you money. In
our line of Hardware and FARMING g
Implements there are many bargains
you can't afford to miss. We have the
newest Plows, Planters, etc. Special
discounts on Furniture, Mattresses,
etc. We don't mention prices, they
speak for themselves.
The herald and news. [volume] (Newberry S.C.) 1903-1937, 1914-03-13

Subscribe to The Herald and News
s1.5O a year-the best newspaper in
NeWberry County.
The herald and news. [volume] (Newberry S.C.) 1903-1937, 1914-03-13
NEW SHOES.

Famous for fit, recognized style, alb
solute comfort and satisfaction. A
style for every foot. A price for every
purse Walkovers, Douglas, Mems
Ease, Battle Axe, selsby, Kentucky
Penn and others. Our spring styles
arriving daily.
The herald and news. [volume] (Newberry S.C.) 1903-1937, 1914-03-13
A STRIKING EVIDENCE OF SUPERIOR
PROTECTION
Saluda, S. c., Feb. "a, 1913.
Mr.. N. NJ Mattison, General Agent,
Anderson. s. G.

Anderson S. c.
Dear Sir
Ibeg acknowledge check which days
from the Mutual Benefit Life Insurance Company payable order ad
mnrator Buzhard settlement of policy No.
5l1,G69.
The circumstances this claim remarkable that
think only fair and Company make blef statement
took this policy through your Mr. G. Gce
appears that after borrowing cent ne could get
settlement Of his premiums he after carrying for
three one quarter wears allowed policy lapse because
en Of em due Seot go o2 It Seems that With the Benefit
reason Mr. Buzba was entitled to S8 40 when he apsed policy
reduction thereby giving the policy sufficient cash
keep the insurance in force for 6 days until January
borrowed s5 9 the extended insurance was for $ the
of the Companys check -, n,,.
before his DEATH which occurred
on December 2st, which letter is before ~,
51O69 could without that justly que one par
ties hebrokn losing out for thought much OF
that Would not have gotten otherwise am sure think
due something policy not sure but think so So no one
would appreciate than and as soon as can Will seek ano'her
Under date December you replied Mr. Buharf letter explain
time except the 1912 dividend suggesting that instead of taking this
dividend cash. Company this amount to keep MS lnsr
force under the automatic extension plan - .oada b++
When Mr. Buhadt insured the Mutual BENEFIT ne D9aa oeFcef
Yours truly, EUGENE W. ABLE, Administrator
Ihave read Mr. Ab letter above which accordance with the
Buzha carried another policy your Company wach was Ior
$20OOOO and payable me beneficiary settlement OF Wnn was
mace V'''l" very A'" O"'' AMANDA c. BUzHARDT
Ward S. C, Feb. "a, 1913 =. ho,+ con,-
information contract or the best policy IN the pest Oo
pany address NJ NJ Mattson General Agent, or
ED. .PEARCE, Salesman
Newberry, South Carolina.
The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson, S.C.) 1914-1917, 1914-04-17
! CREATING MUCH INTEREST
I sAslRnen W0maa, Who Claims the Di.
lssl vine Git d Healing. ~, t5

AtIRnta, Apr q Atlahtas pfeach-
-ers and Christian people generally are
Blilgip divided IN cpiufch ,.esert thu,
nI eBed iniraeltohs cures which are
iisit worked by divine power! by Mrs.
Wood ter, eelio''is preaehing at
; the psd Baptist Tahernaeis. 'ss ( (
slsle ministers hive gone so far
as To say that there Is ScrIptaral JUS
tilieRti0R Tor what Mrs. Etter Is do
ifgf md that she may actnalyl be
working miracles through the power
OF Christ Just MS the Apostles did in
! tn & 6idens days, a. Il =: s, i
Others say IL Is nothing but super
stitipn. and atili a. third class darkly
i.if::s ssssssss s;ss.ss g As:s E,lsa. .iss ss
ttral power It must come not from
] Christ but from tho, Devil.
In the meantime hundreds OF peo-
pie are istteati.iS i.ss zsE sEEicsa, ana
naOpla VINO have relatives who arc
halt or lame or blind or. otherwise
AFFLICTED, are taking them to the Old
Tabernacle. and beglng Mrs. Etter
to cure them, Just as people used TO
make pligrimages In the .fnidle ages
TO the shrines OF the various saints.