Newark post., 1914-02-11
HOW TO RUN A FUNCTION
Dictated by The Old Man around Topn-7o the Cub Reporter

the Darn, as II were.
At a Commencement-the best
we ever saw-everything was un-
der a Military Officer as Marshall.
Smooth why you would think
he had been drilling the Faculty
and honored guests for a month.
Not a hitch anywhere. When they
marched in to the stage there were
chairs-just enough, no more. No
sub-lackey was suddenly thrown in
the lime light by tipping down
after a chair for Honorable Mr.. So
and-So. You have all seen a meet
ing Of this kind. All standing on
one foot or the other. waiting for
the end of the overture, then going
to set down and there were one or
two chairs shy. After a little you
first, CASTOR" act, some one physic-
ally unfit steps down and finds a
chair. The acrobatic feat of lifting
it over the millinery production of
the audience is painfully distract
ing.
A marshall. one trained in social
technique. remedies all this without
fuss or ostentation.-and no one
gets on the stage without his official
face or stamp, as the case may be.
He doesn t kick up scrap but
when he whispers BEAT it, well,
using the language of my Old friend
Chaucer, it S "nuff sed. y
The same thing is needed at the
big dances which have official
stamp. There has got to be some
kind of combination-a sort of Gus
tom House and Court of Appeal
In some of our leading colleges,
this method has proved to be a
pleasing innovation. Usually this
man is the Physical Director of the
Institution. He sits as judge Of
for admission to the
ioor. Take for instance, there are
several ways of holding a girl.
What would be right and proper in
| buggy, wouldn t be graceful at all
It the gate 1870 p. III. The gate at
ltude. one on one side, and one on
he other. is the correct position for
he successful Glide if the old man
the dog. 1t is not prop
r to hold a girl at a dance like you
,Ould OH the sofa while the graph
phone plays, DO you get me,
80 ; it is not just the right thing
0 hold a girl at a Promenade like
on would help her over the fence.
%. \ dance is no "Comim thru
ne Rye" proposition. There is a
'ay to hold her.-rather place your
and.-she dOesn t need holding.
SIX any girl you know.
Now, there's lots of boys who
,me up from the corn shuckin'
rcle that don t just get on to the
ay of holding a girl on a waxed
DOR. Being used to sand. he's
Jout half afraid of himself. So
hen the orchestra strikes up a sell
ton from Grand Opera. such as
Row, Row. Row." he just.-oh,
ell, you We seen him. l
Now he ought to give an exhibi- |
ln before the Court before he :,
is his certificate Of admission in l
e Halls of Lingerie. Then again. c
s awkward and girls shoes now {
days don't have much room in c
EN- and constant stepping on
EN- is bad. e
No boy should be admitted on the '
'Or until he knows the graces of :
e waltz and appreciates the
ythm of twinkling feet. " Let
IN learn that unless he conforms !,
the rules in practice, he must ex- =, y
ct to be taken down around the !,
rn. Let him know that the gen . =
man of the ball room traces his q,
cestry back to Colonial Festival e
lere gallantry was an honOred =.
set to a career-where violation y y
'uck his name from the list of "
ose invited. Il u
This Social Leader should act as
lstom House officer and specify
lat kind of laces, lingerie and v
rsonal adornments should enter. |.
~ one showing symptoms that h
'uld be liable to affect the eye n
INT should be consigned to Social y
ackwells for observation. This is -
thing more than conforming to !,
+ national laws of immigration. "
Girls should not forget in the s,
lirl of sound, that Bohemian for n
tfulness is long afterward remem- NJ
red. m
The dance in charge Of the Dir m
or, who knows the shades be- ii
cen grace and cabaret, is the s,
IN. In his hand rightfully rest OF
, tone of the 1apca and of tho in