The Washington herald., 1914-10-25
1T IS ToLAUGH!
py JosErm y. ANNIN.

"Pick" Pickering. a clerk in the mi
nority room Of the HouS. ONCE Building
: has a trick collie dog and a sense OF
humor. Recently he took both to cal
Informally upon Representative Cullop
Indiana Democrat. whose sense OF the
ridiculous never gets away with him.
! CulIop looked the dog over and admired
ii.
Where did you get that dog. PickT'
"out in Indiana" Pick replied.
rs II trick dog?"
''oh, yes" replied Pick. edging toward
the door. 1T can answer questions most
inteIligently."
"You don't say! Make him answer
one"
Pick called the collie to him. near the
open door.
'Laddie." he asked. (which would you
rather be, Democrat or DEAD DOG?'
Laddie dropped like a log, rolling oveI
! on his back and playing dead. until Cul-
lop hit him with a Congressional direc-
tory aimed at the retreating Pickering.
Clinton T. Brainard, owner and pub.
Usher OF the Washington Herald, stands
about six feet two in his stockings anC
weighs in the neighborhood Of 235 pounds
when in training. His voice is in pro.
portion to his frame.
Returning from a long vacation in the
Maine woods early this fall, Mr.. Brainard
walked into the editorial rooms OF his
paper. At the rear end he met a friend
and became engaged in a very earnest
conversation with him. His voice doomed
through the large room and threatened
the windows in their frames.
A new copy reader, who didn't know
Mr.. Brainard from the ash man, became
annoyed over the disturbance
who is that man? Throw him out" he
yelled in a voice loud enough to be heard
in Anacostia.
Mr.. Brainard led the laugh that fol.
lowed. The copy readers laugh limped.
, Ollie James, Senator from Kentucky. is
the largest man in Congressman that's
going some. His voice is probably the
largest voice in Congress-and that's GO
ing some. But when Senator James was
younger and had all his hair. his voice
was gentler-not that the possession OF
his hair had anything to do with the
strength of his voice. but he did have a
lot OF hair at one time.
Senator Jones. then a struggling cOun-
try lawyer. went to circus in his town
one afternoon. In a pushing. frenzied
ticket office. a closed circus van with a
hole in the side. He passed a s. bill
through the window and asked for a
ticket. in the mildest voice possible. He
received a ticket and a half dollar Lean
ing his elbows on the window sill, he
asked for more change in mild, dulcei
tones
"G'wan. yuh got all tn change yer
Goin' to get Move on an let tn rest
L l. II W-WUF
lently.
James bushy eyebrows came together
ominously. but he kept his temper and
voice down.
Il gave you a s. bill. want 81 more
change" he insisted.
"Yuh did. did ye." sneered the circus
man. well. you Rube. yuh got yours.
Yuh gave me a dolla' bin and got yer
change. And what's more. quit standing
On the hub there. and move on
James found his vOice-all OF It.
You dirty little swindIer." he yelled.
Il want my four dollars, and what 5
more I'm not standing on the hub. I'm
standing on the ground
One-two-three-four: the ticket seller
counted out four greenbaCks without a
word. and ollie" pushed happily out
with It,
A druG-broken physician. once prom
inc Mt In his profession. shambled into a
quiet party of newspaper men gathered
around a big table. He eased himself
into a chair beside a well-known sport
ing writer in this city. Hearing that the
physician was addicted TO the use OF
drugs. the sporting writer thought he
would have a little fun.
Doctor he said, in a confidential
whisper. Il wish you would see II You
can't help me out. I'm a newspaper
man and have contracted the drug
habit l would like to get rid OF it"
The intended victim looked at his new
acquaintance intently.
What did you say your name was?'
He was told the name and newspaper
connection. lie repeated it over several
times.
oh. yes. know who YOU are I've
read some of your stun. I thought
there was something funny about it,
George O'Connor. Of Washington. is IA
nous for his dialect comedy songs. He
was one of President Tafts favorite en-
tertainers while the latter was in the
White House. Mr.. Taft never neglected
an opportunity to hear Georges songs.
So when Judge Taft was the guest OF
honor at the annual dinner of the Ohio
society Ol Ne" IOTh TttetNN' NcOIbc
was brought up from Washington as q
special attraction.
Mr. O'Cornor was placed near Judge
Taft at the guest table When the
guest of honor marched in. he spied his
old friend from Washington. and throw
ing his arm Familiarity over O'Connor's S
shoulder. stood and gossiped with him
for while.
All this was taken in by a busy. gasp
ing reporter, seated at one of the other
tables. The story which appeared in the
New York World the next morning de-
scribed the meeting with intimate de-
tail. and this is the conclusion George
read when he woke up:
Others at the guest table besides for
mer President Taft and Mr.. O'COnnor
were: ]. Pierpont Morgan-'That's as far
as George could get. He hasn't read the
rest of the guest list yet.
Representative John F. Carew, OF New
York. saw a story in a New York paper
which referred to Representative John
bloodhound" In debate on the Clayton
that he had been a bloodhound on the
trail of the trust octopus for years.
Clipping the piece, Carew sent 1t to
the editor of the paper in which it had
been printed. and with the following ad-
dendum:
Dear sir: Mr.. Nelson is not blood
hound; he's a blond"
Brave Old Admiral Hawke.
The British cruiser Hawke, blown up