Sequachee Valley news. (Sequachee [Sequatchie], Tenn.) 1896-1952, 1914-07-30
Tracy City.
Spefiaifo Mr MrsOs.

| Speff0f 10 me Ned0S-
We have Baptist preacher here
conducting a protracted service VINO
certainly is on to his job, by the name
of Yankee. We didn't like the name
very much, but it don't sound so very
bad after we found out he was cous-
in OF JEFF Davis, the president OF the
Confederaey. The other night cou-
pie Of boys from Myers Hill got up
and left the church, Notwithstanding
Bro. Yankee asked them kindly not
to do so. The next night Bro. Yam
kee asked all the boys kindly not to go
out while he was preaching, "But'
said he, ''if any of you have very
bad case of itch and you want to go
out and scratch yourself, you are at
liberty to do So 1t is needless to say
no one went out. Those boys did not
honor their community very much by
acting so ugly. He was preaching on
a subject the other night about the
church or "my church is the church ,
etc., and illustrated it by saying
certain gentleman brought from Africa
parrot which learned to say go be-
low, go below :" The parrot took mp
it's abode in one of our fine church
edifces the congregation of which was
strictly up to date, and the preacher
was suited to their taste and the choir
bad a fine pipe organ. The preacher
took his text and was putting lot OF
spread eagle oratory in his sermon
when the old parrot began to holler'
$50 below go below!I The preach
er stopped and looked up and saw
nothing and began preaching again.
The parrot pretty soon began to mol
Ter, go below! go below !" The
preacher said to his congregation, you
can all do as you please, but I'm go
ing out of here" and out he went and
the congregation after him. One old
sister was.crippled and got left. The
parrot few down and lit ON her
shoulder, screaming, $50 below 7
She turned to. the parrot and said,
"Mr. Devil, l don't belong to this
church. lifelong to the church just
across the street and I've been telling
this church the devil would get them
all if they didn't do better The |
point was we'll taken and fit quite a
lot of us about what we think of other
churches.
Well. "Aunt Belle" 1 appreciate
what you said about your "Uncle
Tom" Thank you thousand times.
Our fathers sang and shouted their
way all along their span of life and so
did our mothers and were not bothered
very much with the Scribes and Phar-
asees, but we have them now in the
saddle and they are muzzling every
good man and woman in all the land
and are actually so up to date that
not shout is heard where they hold
forth. Our Southern Methodists have
closed out two weeks meeting here
in Tracy City without a single con-
vert and the Baptists are not dolng
much better to all appearances. Fine
preaching, certainly, as fine as we
could wish for, and the church mem
bershin is as silent as the grave, but
you know "Aunt Belle" we've a fine
college and our boys and girls are be-
ing educated and it is weakness for
intelligent people to weep and cry and
go to the mourner's bench and so moth
ing..is doing. Religion is at low ebb
up here and. hobble skirts are not
good things to shout in, and no one
will ever see that kind of a perform
ance out-.of lady with hobble skirt
on. Go it, ladies, if you can climb
the stairs''of.heaven with such dress
on..it's more than you can do climbing
the stairs in your own home, The
preacher said that to his wife when
she donned hobble skirt for his in
,pection and upstairs he went, but
she couldn't follow.
We are all peaceable and about as
aw abiding as other people, even if
some of our boys do have the itch SO
bad they..have to leave the church to
scratch. themselves. Ha ha
On Thursday before the second Sun
day in August the annual conference
If the Congregational Methodist
church will convene at Harrison's
Chapel neal ,Sewanee. All the preach
ers should go.
The election is at hand and you
should vote the Socialist ticket, vote
to better. couditions. UNCLE TOM.