davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Baraboo weekly news. [volume] (Baraboo, Wis.) 1912-197?, 1914-12-24
Of Course You Wouldn' I

If member of your family died,
asks the Bailey, (Texas,) Telegram,
would you print the obituary on a
billboard? If your wife entertained,
would you send an account of it to the
theater program man? If you were
to enlarge your business, would you
advertise it in hotel register? If
you were going to have wedding in
your family, the Telegram asks further,
would you get out a handful? You
would send such items to a newspaper,
wouldn't you? Then why don't you
put your advertisements in newspa-
per? Every man who uses billboard
is adding to nature taking. The news
pa oers build our town.
Baraboo weekly news. [volume] (Baraboo, Wis.) 1912-197?, 1914-12-24
Moral: Any man who hits another
with bung starter always says it was
in self defense.

The foregoing story reminds one of
what happened near Wis consin VIII
age a number of years ago. One night
two venturesome- fellows went into a
cemetery to obtain corpse which they
found and carried to their buggy, plac-
ing the body upright in the seat. They
then went back to fill up the grave ard
while thus engaged the owner of the.
horse and buggy, doctor. came along.
The property had been stolen from the
physician for the purpose Of hauling
the body away and the doctor was not
slow to realize what was tranepiring in
the cemetery. He yanked the recent oc-
cupant of the grave out of the buggy,
AMI secreted it in the bushes near by
and climbed into the seat where the
corpse was placed by the two ghouls
It was not long before the cemetery
vlndals came from among the tomb
stones and climbed into the vehicle, un-
cons cious that the doctor had taken the
place of the corpse. Before going far
one of them remarked he believed the
corpse was warm and there were whis-
pered EXPLANATIONS. The doctor move
justa trifie, both men leaped to earth
and disappeared in the darkness fright
ened half out of their wits. The doctor
always had good story to tell.
Baraboo weekly news. [volume] (Baraboo, Wis.) 1912-197?, 1914-12-24
T6is and 06af

A recent issue of the Philistine tells
a good story with a better moral.
While sitting up with a dead friend
they thought it would be good thing
to have drink but did not know what TO
do with the corpse. After some dis
cussion they said the plan should
be this: They would take the corpse
with them.
No sober man would ever have
thought of such thing, but these men
were just enough under the 'infoonce"
to be inventive.
Now, the dead man was not very big,
and he was dressed in his chest, just
as the watchers were.
SO they stood the corpse up, clapped
stovepipe hat on his head and pulled
the tile down over his face.
Then, one on each side, they half
dragged and half-carried the dead man
nto the street and into the saloon.
They stood the dead man up against
the bar, and he tipped at an angle, not
unlike that often taken by cornwall
parties at the midnight hour.
1.-TWO !whiskies!" ordered Pat in a
voice of authority.
"Make it three!' shouted Mike, who
had t quite lost his ability to reason.
Three glasses and the bottle were
dexterously shot out by the Dutch bar
keeper.
Pat poured out the big drink for him
self and Mike poured two-one for
himself and one for the corpse.
Pat and Mike gulped the whiskey in
nervous haste. And just as they were
sitting down their glasses, a commotion
was heard outside, and some one yelled,
''Dog-fghtp'
And by habit, urged on by their ner
vous condition, both Mike and Pat shot
through the screen door, leaving the
corpse leaning up against the bar, the
high hat pulled over his face. In his
fine Sunday suit the corpse looked like
a man who had been to a party.
"Vell!" said the Dutch bartender.
No response.
Didn't you hear me already said,
'Vell?"
Still no response.
so you don't like der vi key. eh?
You ordered it, and now you Won't
drink it. And your two dirty Irish
chums has run away and left you to pay
already. Veil? All right. you needn't
drink, but you will pay, or my name is
not Wilhelm Schneider You hear MAJ"
And still no response.
The Dutchman reached for his bung
starter. He took the mallet in one
hand and then the other
PAY up, or I'll schmash your high
hat worse around your ears than It is.
Pay up, l said,
Ein-svei-t rei-!"
And the malIet descended with a
laundering whack on the ST. Patrick's
Day hat.
The corpse toppled, slid, fell. And
just as it hit the floor, Pat and Mike
cams back.
They rushed forward, and STOPPING in
fearful solicitude, cried, care you
hurt, Felix, are you hurt?" And then
in wild wrath they shouted to the
Dutchman, "Oh, Oh, Oh! you have
killed our Felix!-you have killed him!
you have killed himP
''Vell," shouted back the Dutchman,
the sunovagun pulled a knife on nal"
Baraboo weekly news. [volume] (Baraboo, Wis.) 1912-197?, 1914-12-24

More Baldwin apples are produced
in the United States than any other va
riety and the Ben Davis is a close Sec
ond. This information was obtained bv
the bureau of crop estimates of the
Department of Agriculture at Washing
ton. The percentages of lea ling va
rieties produced in a normal year are
here shown: Baldwin 1874, Ben Davis
1873, Northern Spy 6.1, Winesap 81,
Rhode Island Greening Al; Jonathan
SO, Ro ne Beauty l, Early Harvest
28, Crimes Golden %; Wealthy %;
York Imperial, 81; Maiden Blush 2.
There is less than per cent of every
OF Ter variety.
Baraboo weekly news. [volume] (Baraboo, Wis.) 1912-197?, 1914-12-24
# Man at IS

A man IS years old has just walked
from Sante@ Fe, Mex, to California
with a sixty pound pack on his back.
He says, "a joy ride is not in it with
the pleasure had out of this trip.
Baraboo weekly news. [volume] (Baraboo, Wis.) 1912-197?, 1914-12-24

While the guns are roaring through
out Europe, the American Christmas
ship Jason is quietly proceeding on her
GRAND of mercy from port to port.
Baraboo weekly news. [volume] (Baraboo, Wis.) 1912-197?, 1914-12-24

of the Chicago Herald and the other
promoters of the scheme are proud men
today, they have good cause for pride.
All the world will love the United
States and Chicago the better for this
Christmas thought and Christmas
GIFT.
Baraboo weekly news. [volume] (Baraboo, Wis.) 1912-197?, 1914-12-24

The Massachusetts pioneer who
wept because she killed only 81 out of
20 intended victims almost knows how
Alexander felt.
Baraboo weekly news. [volume] (Baraboo, Wis.) 1912-197?, 1914-12-24

A scientist announces that in one
thousand years Niagara Falls will be
dry. Evidently Niagara and st. Louis
will go dry about the same time
Kansas City Star.
Said ne, Il understand you won
lady
With an Independent fortune, for
your bride?''
mo; fortune with an independent
lady
Would be nearer it, the married
man replied.
-Lippincott's Magazine.
Baraboo weekly news. [volume] (Baraboo, Wis.) 1912-197?, 1914-12-24

Royalty having arrivedin the theater
o war, the audience will please get on
it's feet and give the various national
cheers.
Baraboo weekly news. [volume] (Baraboo, Wis.) 1912-197?, 1914-12-24

Although the war is bringing pros
perity to US, nobody will subsidize the
fighters in order to prolong the affair
Baraboo weekly news. [volume] (Baraboo, Wis.) 1912-197?, 1914-12-24

Mr. Bryan addressed a convention
of "Elks," This is q ute different
from a Bull Moose" convention.
Baraboo weekly news. [volume] (Baraboo, Wis.) 1912-197?, 1914-12-24

In appealing to the diet, it is hoped
that Japan's emperor didn't begin by
reading one of his war poems.
Baraboo weekly news. [volume] (Baraboo, Wis.) 1912-197?, 1914-12-24

Cutting the name out of the scene of
important military operations is like
the play of Hamlet, with the barn
stormer in the chief role.
Baraboo weekly news. [volume] (Baraboo, Wis.) 1912-197?, 1914-12-24

No doubt armament causes war fer
the same reason that vaccination pro
duces smallpox.
Baraboo weekly news. [volume] (Baraboo, Wis.) 1912-197?, 1914-12-24

If one of the belligerent nations could
mobolize it's spies the resultant on
slaught would be irresistible.
Baraboo weekly news. [volume] (Baraboo, Wis.) 1912-197?, 1914-12-24

THE unspeakable Turk" appears to
be even less communicative than
ever.
Baraboo weekly news. [volume] (Baraboo, Wis.) 1912-197?, 1914-12-24

When ''best selling" book on the
subject of marriage takes slump, the
enterprising author usually has divorce
to fall back on.
Baraboo weekly news. [volume] (Baraboo, Wis.) 1912-197?, 1914-12-24
VIZ Not a Community
Christmas Tree?
bread line.

Why should not Baraboo have COM
munity Christmas tree? Reedsburg
has arranged to make all the children of
Baraboo weekly news. [volume] (Baraboo, Wis.) 1912-197?, 1914-12-24

As soon as Europe ties of its war
the sentiment will be universally I'M
animOus.
Baraboo weekly news. [volume] (Baraboo, Wis.) 1912-197?, 1914-12-24

What the nations need is submarines
that can undermine the mine.
Baraboo weekly news. [volume] (Baraboo, Wis.) 1912-197?, 1914-12-24

A man always tells his wife he
doesn't care what the neighbors says
but he does.
Baraboo weekly news. [volume] (Baraboo, Wis.) 1912-197?, 1914-12-24

No matter how low dressmaker
cuts the opera gown, she gets the bill
high enough.
Baraboo weekly news. [volume] (Baraboo, Wis.) 1912-197?, 1914-12-24

Doubtless Smyrna is congratulating
itself on the nonaicoholic American
navy in as much as has not been
promtly blown up.
Baraboo weekly news. [volume] (Baraboo, Wis.) 1912-197?, 1914-12-24

One may not shop as early as one
M GIT have shopped, but one may
Baraboo weekly news. [volume] (Baraboo, Wis.) 1912-197?, 1914-12-24

axe up for it by shopping little
harder.
Baraboo weekly news. [volume] (Baraboo, Wis.) 1912-197?, 1914-12-24

this matter Stanchion Works Braboo Wis
devised 1t em
milk, wi the kitchen stove You
which is the We furnish
placed inside tank
is Of galvanized tight Inside this
galvanized STEEL The small tank and
N@Msl fecly
~ the small tank; the cold
small the
forcing the small tank into the large
49,. through the hole
Inc small tank simply acts
and will The
Baraboo weekly news. [volume] (Baraboo, Wis.) 1912-197?, 1914-12-24

sh TT time ago. could not fill by
a ill erdres Please look this up Heaters at
Baraboo weekly news. [volume] (Baraboo, Wis.) 1912-197?, 1914-12-24

boxin
frost
wah baindW
The hesmalan no
"
hco m
imadn
fhetnk
intd
erandgv
more a H
and ouar apt
Baraboo weekly news. [volume] (Baraboo, Wis.) 1912-197?, 1914-12-24

THURSDAY, DEC. "a, 1914.
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1914-04-30
QUESTION BOX

cordingly use hut one space on a..
checking sheet the other i've being ti
blank See reverse side OF checking
sheet for illustration.
j, b. G.-Only photographs - 35 are nov
given with the purchase Of Record
Book Read tho quiz Corner that sp-
peared in The Tribune OF sunday. April
10 and YOU Will notice that you have
the wrong impression.
G.. III. L.-You must decide.
NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS. as 10 ire uss ~ n,
Record Book appear on tie first pages
and on the back OF the checking shse,
are other directions Refer - the later
for the information.
j. II. G., Belyldere the Record
Book you must use our regular pic,o.
graph forms. and 2 separate form for
each extra answer. Tho price Of the Rec.
ord Book by mail is 20 cents.
T.. {. s.-You must decide for yourself
". l.. I'd - IL does no, take too much
space. - Not necessarily. Sets Of cou
pons should be fastened together when
sent I'm. 90 You must use q separate
coupon FOR each extra answer. For this
reason YOUR plan Will not do
A. G.. RISE full saying.
4. X. T.--At least week. Watch The
Tribune for announcement
j. X. KID Tho last Photograph appear
May 10 90 see reply TO A. r. I.
So. Norwalk-Thc Record Book provides
for answering by number
j. II. ". Jersey City-0) u Is optional
with YOU. (2) An individual Is allowed
one set. 80 Penmanship and neatne.
DO not count. % only IN case OF tie
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1914-04-30
How to Spend
the Money
in the Quiz

It's about time that you were th,nsi,,
how to spend all the money you'll wiz
IN the Quiz. Just little over a month
and you may find very substan,,,,
check from The Tribune in your mail
OF course, we don't presume 10 sue.
gest that you'll not know what dispos.
ton TO make OF the money. The Amo-.
lean child hardly enters on speakir,
terms with the world when II discover,
the magical properties OF money. Ana
the acquaintance rapidly ripens into de-.
sire. so that many OF us at twenty years
OF age can imagine nothing more bliss.
full than to be placed in a position sim.
liar TO Monte Brewster. who. you know
was put TO the task OF spending a mill.
ION in year.
So we don't imagine you'll have any
trouble whatever In investing your win.
nings. And If you do there are plenty
OF people who will gladly release you o,
the responsibility.
Notwithstanding. it's rather fascl.
mating amusement 10 devise variou,
means and methods OF using the money
Now il you are person inocuated with
the wanderlust germ you'd immediately
buy an eNpressman- proof trunk and he.
gin to study time tables and sailing
schedules. You would plan a real holi.
day, and. II we may, We suggest See
America First" There are the Great
Lakes. the Yellowstone Park, the wild
and rugged scenery OF the Far West
Your trip would embrace all points Of
interest and land YOU In san Francisco
lust in time for the great exposition
And. OF course. the Panama Canal could
be included. And there are many other
WAYS you doubtless have thought o,
yourself.
ITO be continued tomorrow
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1914-04-30

the wardroom dinner table, were face
tiously apportionins the offices available
once Vera Cruz was taken and deciding
that almost anything but superintendent
of prisons would do. when another radio
message arrived from the flagship politely
ordering the Michigan TO expedite her
movements as much as possible.
Expedite is only pleasantly exciting
10 comfortable gentlemen OF the ward
room. putting their excellent cigars. with
electric fans whirrng overhead and the
fresh breeze from the open sea blowing
through the ports. II meant something
else to the men In the stokehole, already
worn out from the weeks grind and the
quick jump from the North Atlantic TO the
tropics. But the blowers" went on. the
whole fabric began presently to culver
and the Michigan was hooked up 10 seven
teen and "A half knots.
young ensign. IN blue jumpers. came
up an hour later from the engineroom
turn in.
shes doing 10. sir he said
can the men keep II up" the chief
asked. The ensign grinned.
They say they could double that he
said. They'll stand anything"
so the battlcship swung on through tho
bad night. She had started out thrty-thrce
hours behind the flagship and was now
only six or seven behind Then came tho
real news Admiral Fletcher had landed.
Vera cruz was seized and four Amori-
cans had been killed and twenty wounded.
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1914-04-30
ORDERS OUT TO REMOVE
1850 BORDER PRISONERS
Wives and Children Of Many Are
Leaving Camp at Fort Bliss
to Return to Mexico.
lny Telegraph 70 No Trlhun.. !

FL Paso, Tex, April 29.-Orders were
received at Fort Bliss to-day FOR the
removal to Fort Wingate, New Mexico.
on Monday Of the 1850 Mexican Fed
erals held prisoners by the United
states army here.
The first and third battalions OF the
Goth Infantry will guard the prisoners
10 the new camp, but Will return here.
az a squadron OF the 18th Cavalry has
been detailed 10 guard the Mexicans at
the camp. Supplies for the prisoners
are being sent from the quartermas-
tcr's department at Fort Bliss.
The several hundred Mexican women.
wives OF the prisoners. who, with their
children. became voluntary prisoners
when the Federal army was taken In
charge BY the American troops. are be-
ginning 10 leave tho camp TO return to
Mexico. No provision has yet been
made for taking any of them with the
prisoners. but It is probable that some
VIII be permitted TO 80. as no orders
hive been received TO exclude them.
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1914-04-30
SOLDIERS RELIEVE NAVY
ON SHORE AT VERA CRUZ

orphan girls and the jumpers Of our
bluejackets.
A picture OF peace TO delight our
Secretary Of State!
The work Of our big guns was per-
feet. The Chester made the Naval
Academy building look like the ruins
Of Messina. You can follow the pass
ing OF flve-inch shells through the four
walls Of a building block square
The rife fire was no less destructive
plateglass windows look like sleeves,
street corners as though hit by motor
truck.
Curfew did not ring last night CTues-
day.. The lid was raised to-day, turn
ing the city over to the supervision of
the army.
And. while diplomats decide whether
we have any national honor, our army
of trained fighting machines. sent here
10 instruct the second story workers of
Vera Cruz in municipal reforms, be-
comes an army OF white wings; the
SPRINGFIELD rife Is exchanged for the
broom.
The apostles Of peace and the fem
inists have won glorious victory!
A compilation has arisen 10 which it
is impossible to give too much consid-
Grafton. In agreeing to mediation
Washington may not appreciate that,
while our forces would honestly main
tain the status quo. certain elements
among the Mexicans feel in no way
bound to postpone hostilities. TIE
criminals liberated at the time the
navy captured this city are now in the
hills beyond it. Sailors from the New
Jersey at an outpost were fired on last
night by a trooper OF the Federal cav.
airy, but as they were under orders not
to return the fire they were forced TO
see the man ride away unpublished.
These bandits terrorized the refugees
Yesterday, stoning the train on which
they were travelling, and this morning
they destroyed the wires to Mexico
City. The forbearance of our marines
and infantry is misinterpreted by these
criminals, and each day they grow in
insolence and boldness. Unless our
men may defend themselves or send
out an expedition against these que
rillas grave disaster may follow
After dynamite outrages or after out
posts are cut up it will be too late
even u mediate.
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1914-04-30
APRIL 30, 1914.

4. Ed They could not help you. Their
ability is no better than your own. re-
gardless OF their argument. C2) Wheh
ordering any Photograph always give the
number OF II. @ and - The data pages
are for your notation. Use the check-
ing sheet for final answers. (o) Yes
90 II wins because he solved the great
est number OF photographs correctly
W.. Newark-Ths key IN the Record BooE
pertains to seven different Photographs.
J.. y. G.-Leading questions are not an
swered Anyhow. this department. could
not answer. as the correct solutions are
known only by tbs general manager OF
The Tribune.
W. T. 8, BrOokIyn-On the checking sheet
IN the Record Book only the number or
solutions you insert will be considered.
Mrs. II. H.-A Photograph might represent
but one thought. In answering use fun
quotation.
s. II. W.-m II her residence IN reality
is at your address. the following rule
will apply: zone prize will be allowed
TO ono family at one address" (2) On
the checking sheet you answer By num-
Der
II. X. 6. Weehawken-sse answer 10
= y G..
4. B. Cit Is optional with YOU II one
OF your answers TO Photograph is correct
a credit of correct is given ana, u course.
II none OF your answers 10 the Photograph
is correct you will be charged with an in
correct photograph.
r. l.. r., 10th st.--If you use but one
answer on any Photograph, you will ac-
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1914-04-30

showed the party over the whole snip
which IS an airy. spotless floating hos"
pital. In the main sick ward theJ
were allowed to talk with the wounded
men. nearly ell of whom are out or
danger now. Several of the sixty cots,
indeed. were empty while their occu-
pants were taking the air under the
deck awnings.
Most of the men we're able TO SPEAK
with the visitors. and talking was all
the comfort they could set. for it Is not
possible to find flowers in Vera Cruz
now. II is hard enough, indeed, TO ge'
ordinary vegetables.
The visitors found a young blue
Jacket a New Hampshire boy, serving
on the battleship Vermont. whose 'es
had been amputated al the knee. lie
was moaning when the party enterHd
the sick bay and the surgeons finally
Quoted him with morphine.
Another Of the blueja ckets, not 50
badly cast down. although he, too hao
lost a leg, was abie 10 ten the 'lS'''''
how his comrades joked with MN
about what he would do when he got
well. one of the women said that her
husband had a host of reasons why Il
ono-legged man was better Oft than
other people. and the blueJacket
grinned and said he was glad 10
know il.
Another showed the visitors a souVe-
mir which he sal he valued highiy--a
soft-nosed bullet fattenod on the end
from striking a bone and dug from his
own back.
In one corner two black-bearded, pal
lid. Spanish looking men stood among
ten blond American sailormen. IhcY
were supposedly non-Combatants. VINO
were wounded during the two days or
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1914-04-30
street lighting and brought aboard the

street lighting and brought aboard the
Solace.
one Of tie women visitors who was
IN the Diligencia Hotel during the
drifting told the wounded men that she
felt at times that II was worth going
tbrouoh merely to have seen the way
the bluejackets took the plaza
Starts Ice Plant Working.
Glare Flandrau, a young Harvard
man who has coffee plantation near
Jakpa. sprang TO the service OF MS
country to-day by getting the local ice
factory started again and supplying les
for the first time since the occupation
This is more important than the out
side world may realize 10 the tropicai
city. settling down apparently TO marx
time for an indefinite period ana
crowded with Americans.
Flandrau is brother Of Charles
Macomb Flandrau, author OF viva
Mexico" next to the famous old diary
Of Nine. Calderon de la Barca perhaps
the most charming book written abou.
the country The Flandrau coffee
plantation supplied most Of the ma
terial for his brothers book.
Young Flandrau went TO the ice
plant, which had been run by span
iards. and by the charm and Vigor OF
his personality forced the managers 10
start making ice again. BY the same
means he compelled hotelkeepers VINO
were trying TO get along without ice 10
furnish it TO their patrons. Ihls
change is Of especial importance 10 the
DISTINGUISHED war correspondents no"
pouring In in a vast number, convinced
that one OF the first tests OF the ell
cheney Of a modern army is its ability
To supply spectators with Ice In tropical
countries.
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1914-04-30
GARDEN WARNS HUERTA
Tells Dictator Only His Elimina
tion Will Satisfy Wilson.
fBy Central News Of America

Vera Cruz. April 29.-General Huerta
has been told by Sir Lionel Garden, Brit
ish Minister to Mexico. that nothing short
Of his retirement from the Presidency
Will satisfy President Wilson. and that
peace cannot come to Mexico unless he
withdraws himself from all position OF
power in the country.
This fact was learned tonight by the
correspondent OF the Central News OF
America from an authoritative source. II
was learned also that Huerta is believed
now 10 be holding out in the hope that
through diplomatic methods he will be
able to arrange better terms for himself
In the mean time, however. II is known
that he has collected huge sums, which
he has banked with European and Ameri-
can trust companies. and that he is pre-
pairing for sudden flight the moment that
events appear to dictate such a course as
the best for his personal safety.