El Paso herald. (El Paso, Tex.) 1901-1931, 1914-02-07
THE Old Salt Discusses Eugenics, Which He Says
! Should Be Pronounced with Horror and Distress

z1,, for it. because I'd never been a
I Ji Before. and I'd always wanted to be
] one % = throne but so long as it's the
II T1-o,1,ve got I'll made 1t do. Good mOrnin .
subjects how dy I qo tail az ,s,i ne "a noble
hns, saws but now I'm king, what's the
nv dootv I have toperIorm? Heap mar
/ ry, sly 6f a narryin' man by nature. King
Llu- nue. T1eDtv ladies'. says they, king marry
mar - sebeu. Ieben, fifteen ladies' Get
one one, T saws I don't marry any ladies' -
.sI-ot if they saw you first" said Sim
Perkins 60" said Uncle Ashdod they
- ont the fifteen dark queens they
H. 91icl-ed out for me, and they trOtted
them up and down WI, IN . IronI OF me and
boy1si I hate to run down your taste, but if
Do1,'d started out to try you couldn't have
DicIzed hOmlier bunch OF beauty than that
tIaaD nlenty eugenic,' said the chief men,
5T6st may be- says 1, for / don't know
10 eTgenfc is but if it means what it
what Gus IN 81 to he excused No bovg
+ can't think Of if. III remain bachelor
"a thank YOU for your kindly meant match
loI-iDer work Just the same King always
I--v 9ffften ladies' said the black rascals
3 II Ling no marry chop head off quick -
srTIo5e they did" said Sim Perkins. Hope
thev chopped it off, just back OF your ears
4 sort of hoped they would, too, when
7 looked at that dozen and q quarter fe-
males" said Uncle Ashdod, I hoped they
would but when they fetched the ak they
1sed when they cut kings heads off hoped
f1ev wouldn't IL was a good old fashioned
Stone an and it hadn't been sharpened since
p Vas nsed to dig caves in the stone age,
and j fingered if they started right then
they would be chopin away at my neck
come the tenth Of next January, and no
king liked to be chopped IN the neck that
way for eight months or so at a stretch 1t
tenders up the neck too much So 1 says:
All right. boysl Have it your own way.
Marry me to fifteen gay gazelleS. FIFTEEN
Of that sort couldn't be no worse than
80 YOU married the hull fifteen and lived
happily ever after" said Sim Perkins sar-
helm such a model d
= ''ThanR5y said Uncle Ashdod Il was
lust that Accordin' to Yurupean and Ameri-
can standards, as you may say, 1 was
Apollo Belvywear So says. Boys. can't
say ike a country where the KING has to
marry a wholesale lot OF hldeousness like
these fifteen bashful beauties, but go ahead
with the maryin'. I'm ready for the worst
oh, no. says the black men king no can
marry yet Why not I says First you
say / must, and then you say / can't. What's
wrong? Tarata heap civilized place Big
law say no marry unless genpmau and
ladies plenty eugenic. King no eugenic.' All
right says, I don't know what eugenic
king no marry, chop him head Off says
they. So there it wasi Well, what are you
going to do about it2 I says"
Il bet said Sim Perkins regretfully,
i bet they didn't chop your head Off
well, no." said Uncle Ashdod- Least
ways 1 can't recall that they did just then
They eugenized me"
'They what?' asked Sim Perkins.
tEugenized me- said Unc-e AsndOd
They started in to make me eugenicalIy fit
acCOrdin' to their notions of what a fine
handsome, abe to marry man ought to be-
1t was all wrote down in a law book, &C
cOrdin' TO rules Of health and beauty de-
cided on by the two medicine men Of the
island, as was proper and right And the
IlrsL RUE was InaI a Inarryln man ought
to be strong enough in the head to have the
stone AK bounce off his head when he was
hit with the blunt end of it. 1t was their
idee-and proper enough accOrdin' to their
hght-that a child wouldn't respect a parent
unless the parents head would stand
WndCk like that So they the
ground and the biggest teller took the AK
and ne swung it around his head and
brought it down on top Of my head, and
the minute I felt it bump against the top of
my Uranium L hadn't no more use for
eugenics."
i bet it bOunCedr' said Sim Perkins in
an invidious tone.
Vow, just for the way you said that"
said Uncle Ashdod, 81 amt goin' to tell you
whether it bounced or whether it killed me"
Copyright, 1914, by Mcclure Newspaper
Syndicate.)