davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The day book. [volume] (Chicago, Ill.) 1911-1917, 1914-03-18
CAN'T BLAME HIM

CAN'T BLAME HIM
The dinner hour over, the work.
men returned to their work-that is
to say, to the fierce political discus
sion which the dinner hour had for
tunately, perhaps-interrupted.
But proceedings soon reached a
deadlock ominous, interesting
deadlock. The arguments on both
sides seemed exhausted, and nobody's
convictions had changed.
Then one of the men turned to a
mate who had been silent throughout
the debate.
Here, Joe," he said, you're pretty
good at argument. Wot's your opin-
ion?"
81 amt going to give no opinion"
replied Joe. me and Jim Green
thrashed out that matter last week"
"Ahw said the other man artfully.
"And what did you arrive at?"
":Arrive at, indeedp' There was Bit
terness and contempt in Joe's /gruff
voice. "Jim-he arrived at the hos
pital, and well, l arrived at the
perlice station!' ..
The day book. [volume] (Chicago, Ill.) 1911-1917, 1914-03-18
UNDER HIS NOSE, NOT OMIT

UNDEk f1IS NOSE, MI YIN u
Once a genial comedian consulted
an oculist about his eyes. His nose
was small and he couldn't keep on
the glasses with which the oculist
was trying to fit him.
you are not used to glasses, Mr..
Blank" said the oculist.
ooh, yes, 1 am" replied the COM
edian, "but not so high up"
The Green Forest tribune., 1914-12-25
MODERN LIVING COMES HIGH
Observer Thinks There Are Too Many Necessities" in Demand
 at the Present Time.

"One of the reasons for the cost of living" observes a wise clubman, Ties in the fact that people buy wholly unnecessary things. I had a conversation with the proprietor of a novelty shop in Fifth avenue a few days ago. A shiny object had attract ed my attention, and inquired about it's use.
 These said the proprietor, 'are gilded pincers to pick up letters one has placed on the letter-scales.
 "'And that ivory stick, carved and forked at the end?'
 People use that to fish out things they have dropped into carafes.'
 That square of morocco, about the size of nut-what is that for?'
 That's a tampon-used to press down stamps after sticking them on envelopes
 That ornamental box with whole battery of little brushes?'
 Those are to clean other brushes brushes to clean hair brushes, brushes to clean tooth-brushes.' '"-New York Evening Post.
The Green Forest tribune., 1914-12-25
Travesty on Real Falstaff.

Yarmouth has claim upon all Eng lishmen quite independently of it's as- sociations with the breakfast bloater, remarks a writer in St. Nicholas. For 1t was the home of Shakespeare's Fal- staff, who appears to have been a man of exemplary piety. The Falstaffs were an old Yarmouth family
 "A Falstolfe or Falstaff," writes John Richard Green, was bailiff of Yarmouth in 1281. Another is among the first of its representatives in par liament, and from that the members of that family filled the highest mu- nicipal offices. John Falstolfe, man of considerable account in the town, purchased lands at the close of the fourteenth century in Caistor, and be- came the father of Sir John Falstolfe, who, after distinguished military ca reer, was luckless enough to give his name to Shakespeare's famous char acter. In Yarmouth, however, he was better known as a benefactor to the great church of St. Nicholas.
The Green Forest tribune., 1914-12-25
COSTLY METHOD OF REVENGE
Procedure in Europe Reminded An drew Carnegie of a Somewhat
 Humorous Incident.

Andrew Carnegie, in a recent inter- view on peace, said to New York reporter:
 "A lad twenty killed a man and woman in Sarajevo. All Europe is now fighting to avenge this wrong. Eng land alone is spending $35,000 min ute, according to Sidney Webb, on gun powder.
 Well, this is such an expensive way to avenge wrong that it reminds me of the man at the banquet.
 man entered the cloakroom, at the end of a banquet, and began to smash in silk hat after silk hat.
 Hold on, boss! What fo' yo' smash in all dem high hats?' demanded the attendant.
 I'm looking for my own," the gen tleman answered. It's an opera hat collapsible, you know. None of these seem to be it.
The Green Forest tribune., 1914-12-25
PROBABLY COULD DO WORK
Soldiers Occupation in Civil Life Certainly Should Have Fitted
 Him for the Job.

Real war conditions sometimes give rude shocks to the professional soldier trained to arms in the well-ordered days of peace. Here is a case in point. A Prussian landwehr company was being mustered into service and there were many things to be done. Uni forms, equipment, rifles, were to be distributed, rolls prepared, reports made out, and quartermaster's lists checked up. The captain had his hands full. He ordered his first sergeant to find a noncom, who could write neatly and figure a little. The first sergeant was equal to the emergency. Corporal Kammermeyer was prompt ly summoned and crisply detailed for duty as company clerk. The corporal reported to the captain, who looked him over with a mixture of wonder and distrust.
 So you can figure, corporal" he said.
 "A little, sir, at your service
 The captain still looked dubious.
 What is your trade in civil life, anyway he said.
 T am professor of mathematics, captain" was the reply.
The Green Forest tribune., 1914-12-25
Walking Graveyards.

Some of the Indian princes have given over two million dollars apiece to Britain for the war Beside such gifts, the gifts of London business millionaires seem small.
 Tn fact" said James Douglas, in an interview, "in fact, the gifts of the nizam of Hyderabad and the mahara- jah of Mysore and the gaekwar of Ba- roda give our English Merchant princes, who owe England so much more, a look of avarice; and you know the definition of avarice.
 "Avarice, like graveyard, takes in all it can get, and never gives any thing back"
The Green Forest tribune., 1914-12-25
Suited Either Way.

Miss Lucy Price, Cleveland's lead ing antisuffrage speaker, tells of a funny incident which happened in New England while she was campaigning there. She was walking down the street after having made what she thought was a particularly effective talk against suffrage when woman stopped her.
 Miss Price," she said, q want to tell you how much liked your speech. It was one of the best 1 ever heard
 q am so glad you are with us" re- sponded Miss Price, "and I hope you will come to our other antisuffrage meetings"
 "Oh," exclaimed the astonished woman, q thought that was suffrage meeting you spoke at."
The Green Forest tribune., 1914-12-25
WouIdn't Stand for 1t,

She wore determined look as she entered the drug store.
 Look here, young man, if tall man with red mustache comes and asks you for prescription you're not to let him have it."
 Really, madam, r."
 No, you mustn't let him have it on any account. He's come here for month, and says he wants some thing to improve his appetite. He's boarding at my establishment, young man."
 And with muttered threat the landlady passed from the shop leav- ing the druggists assistant pale and trembling
The Green Forest tribune., 1914-12-25
Starting the Day Wrong.

There was gloom on the face of the farmer.
 What's the matter, Elijah?" asked his nearest neighbor. "Flapjacks given out over to your house?"
 "Worse'n that" said Elijah. You know, 'twasn't apple year, and wife says we cant have any more apple pie for breakfast"
 Cant you make out if you have apple pie noon and night?"
 T can, because I've got to-" said Elijah, but, I tell you, it upsets me, starting the day wrong like that"
The Green Forest tribune., 1914-12-25
Why Thomas concurred.

Whack, whack, whack! Tommy was undergoing a painful punishment at the hands of his loving mother for eating the jam.
 Tommy" she said seriously, when she was forced to pause, this hurts me far more than it does you"
 And when Tommy was alone with his brother he produced square board he. had concealed, and thought fully murmured:
 q thought all along that bit of wood wouldn't do her any good"
The Green Forest tribune., 1914-12-25
Distorted Veuetarianism.

So long as you find the cost of liv- ing high,'' said the friendly adviser, why don't you and your husband be- come vegetarians?
 What do you mean?" asked the worried looking woman.
 "Why, eat only vegetable prod ucts."
 Couldn't think of it. What Pm try fine,6Fdo now is to persuade John to take to beefsteak and quit tryin' to live on liquor and tobacco"
The Green Forest tribune., 1914-12-25
His Only Possession.

Al Rogers was travelling through a lonely section in the suburbs of Bos- ton one night, short while ago, when he was startled by hearing this pite- ous appeal:
 Will the kind gentleman please help a poor unfortunate man? T."
 At this point Al felt to locate his watch The other continued:
 T have nothin' in the world but this loaded revolver"
The Green Forest tribune., 1914-12-25
lnconsis stent.

"The English are queer people"
 You think so?"
 Yes. In time of peace they treated Tommy Atkins with contempt and. made him sore, and now in time of war they treat him with so much good liquor that they make him drunk"
The Green Forest tribune., 1914-12-25
Failures as Stepping Stones.

John Wanamaker, in a recent ad- dress in Philadelphia, urged his audi ence to persevere.
 Every successful man." he said, "has probably had more failures, far more failures, than the nonentity has had.
 Success, after all, is nothing more thar fei;lure with new coat of paint"
The Green Forest tribune., 1914-12-25
SiQns of War.

So many of our busy burghers are standing in front of the war maps, arguing and declaiming, that dozens of safes and pianos are being hoisted into high buildings with almost no- body to observe the phenomenon.
 And on Broadway man repaired a tire to a gallery of four boys.-New York Tribune.
The Green Forest tribune., 1914-12-25
Seekjnu Worthy Objects.

"Dodsworth tells me that he Is practical philanthropist.
 That's just what he is. Before of fering a dime to beggar Dodsworth asks him so many disagreeable ques- tions that the poor devil is glad to es- cape without the dime"
The Green Forest tribune., 1914-12-25
At the First Siona

Of falling hair get Cuticura. It works wonders. Touch spots of dan druff and itching with Cuticura Oint- ment, and follow next morning with 8 hot shampoo of Cutieura Soap. This at once arrests falling hair and pro notes hair growth. For free sample each with 32-p. Skin Book, address post card: Cuticura, Dept. X, Boston. Sold everywhere.-Adv.
The Green Forest tribune., 1914-12-25
Upsetting His Theory.

''The (reavy explosions of battle always cause rain. It rained after Wa terloo; it rained after Fontenoy; it rained after Marathon"
 "But Marathon was fought with spears and arrows, my dear"
 There you go. Always throwing cold water on anything I have to say"
The Green Forest tribune., 1914-12-25
A Woman's Way.

Your doom is sealed" cried the villain.
 Hal" laughed the heroine defiantly "I guess I can steam it open"
The Green Forest tribune., 1914-12-25
The PeeIlnu Kind.

Mamma" said little boy, "the place where I got stung last Sunday down at Uncle Jim's is all peeling off"
 Brother Bruce took a look at the injury.
 That's so," he grinned, q guess you must have been stung by husk- ing bee"
The Green Forest tribune., 1914-12-25
RUB-MY-T1SM

Will cure your Rheumatism and all kinds of aches and pains-Neuralgia Cramps, Collie, Sprains, Bruises, Cuts, Old Sores, Burns, etc. Antissptls Anodyne. Price 2sc.-Adv.
The Green Forest tribune., 1914-12-25
Poor Burujar.

"A burglar got into my house about three o'clock this morning when was on my way home from the club" said Jones.
 Did he get anything?" asked Brown.
 T should say he did get something" replied Jones. The poor devil is in the hospital. My wife thought it was me. e."-Cincinnati Enquirer.
The Green Forest tribune., 1914-12-25
Cause Removed.

Did you notice how few Sunday school picnics there were this sea son?"
 T did in a way"
 How in a way?'
 T did remark how little rain we had
The Green Forest tribune., 1914-12-25
Quite Safe.

What did that man want with you, Henry?"
 He was after my scalp" Goodness gracious"
 Don't be frightened. He's only a hair specialist
The Green Forest tribune., 1914-12-25
COLDS & LaGRIPPE

or doses 666 will break any case of Chills & Fever, Colds & LaGrippe; 1t acts on the liver better than Calo- mel and does not gripe or sicken. Price 25c-Adv.
The Green Forest tribune., 1914-12-25
Had Debts of His Own.

Nodd-Here's a list of European war debts. Don't they stagger you?
 Todd-Well, they might. old man; but I've just been looking over my monthly accounts-Life.
The Green Forest tribune., 1914-12-25
Conscientious,

He's one of the most conscientious men I know"
 "So?"
 Yes. He always says Give me 8 match, please, instead of Lend me match. ''-Detroit Free Press.
The Green Forest tribune., 1914-12-25

The painless filling you get at a res taurant is far more satisfactory than the one you get in a dental parlor.
The Green Forest tribune., 1914-12-25
The Best Eminent,

For falls on icy walks, sprains and bruises, rub on and rub in Hanford's Balsam of Myrrh. Apply this liniment thoroughly and relief should quickly follow. Adv.
The Green Forest tribune., 1914-12-25
M ar Styles.

Have you heard anything about the fall fashions as yet?'
 Not as to how the gowns will be made. I suppose the girls are bound to wear cartridge belts, of course"
The Green Forest tribune., 1914-12-25

When a woman discovers a silver strand among the gold she always says it is premature-but she thinks it's shame
The Green Forest tribune., 1914-12-25

Beautiful, clear white clothes delights the laundress who uses Red Cross Ball Blue. All grocers. Adv.
The Green Forest tribune., 1914-12-25

Start the year by getting Hanford's Balsam. You will find frequent use for it. Adv.
The Green Forest tribune., 1914-12-25

For any cut use Hanfords Bal sam. Adv.
The Green Forest tribune., 1914-12-25

You never believe a man when he f1atters you, but you like to hear it just the same.
The Green Forest tribune., 1914-12-25
Marble to Retain.

Kniicker-Jones has a remarkable memory.
 Bocker-Wonderful; he remembers winter that wasn't just like this.
The Green Forest tribune., 1914-12-25

An extensive deposit of asphalt o1 superior quality has been discovered in the Philippines.
The Green Forest tribune., 1914-12-25

The more a man knows the less he thinks he knows.
The Green Forest tribune., 1914-12-25
The View.

There is a story in that face!" You must be seeing it out of the tale of your eye"
The Green Forest tribune., 1914-12-25
The UusuaI Story.

How came you to lose control 0 your automobile?"
 Because my wife wanted it.''
The Green Forest tribune., 1914-12-25
The Drummer's Work.

Are these moving pictures of the war authentic?"
 Of course. All but the rumble of artillery. That's initiated by the drummer"
The Green Forest tribune., 1914-12-25

An atomizer for perfumery small enough to be carried in a pocketbook is a novelty from Europe.
The Green Forest tribune., 1914-12-25

he makes friends with everyone ex cept himself
The Green Forest tribune., 1914-12-25

Few of us get more happiness out of life than the amount we make our selves.
The Green Forest tribune., 1914-12-25
His Favorite Role.

Dubson entertained some friends at dinner last evening"
 Entertained, you say? Why, Dubson invariably makes an ass of himself'
 That's how he entertained them
The Green Forest tribune., 1914-12-25

Smile, smile, beautiful clear white clothes. Red Cross Ball Blue, American made, therefore best. All grocers. Adv.
The Green Forest tribune., 1914-12-25

The self-made man cant understand why anyone should prefer family tree to business plant.
The Green Forest tribune., 1914-12-25

For sore feet rub on Hanford's Bal sam. Adv
The Green Forest tribune., 1914-12-25

Few of the men who are willing to give you recommendation would give you a job.
The Green Forest tribune., 1914-12-25
That's Easy.

Who was the first lightning calcu- lator?"
 Ben Franklin and his kite"
The Green Forest tribune., 1914-12-25
The Test.
Is he a. good laWver?"

"Is he good lawyer?"
 q should say he is. He's acquitted some of our most notorious crimi- nals."
The Green Forest tribune., 1914-12-25

Experience is a good investment only when you don't pay more for it than it is worth.
The Green Forest tribune., 1914-12-25
A Bit Personal.

He-I think Wigglebee is the wor dancer in the room.
 She-Hush, you forget yourself.
The Green Forest tribune., 1914-12-25
Looical Result.

"She has such dogged expres sion."
 No wonder, with that pug nose"
The Green Forest tribune., 1914-12-25
Quite So.

"Baleful lookout this, isn't it?" What lookout?" "Cotton."
The Green Forest tribune., 1914-12-25

Many girl is a gem, in spite of the fact that she refuses to be cut.
The Green Forest tribune., 1914-12-25

The St. Vitus kind is just about as graceful as some of the other dances.
The Green Forest tribune., 1914-12-25

YOUR OWN DRUGGIST WILL TELL YOU Try Murine Eye 1 Remedy me & for Red, Weak, Watery just Eye comfort. Write for Book of the Rye
 by mail Free. Murine Eye Remedy Co.,, Chicago.
The Green Forest tribune., 1914-12-25

Good wine needs no bush, and a gold brick needs no hodcarrier.
The Green Forest tribune., 1914-12-25
Quite Old Fashioned.

Did she marry well?"
 No; it was case of true love."- Harvard Lampoon.
The Green Forest tribune., 1914-12-25
Paradoxical Result.

Whats the matter with my labor theories?"
 They won't work"
The Green Forest tribune., 1914-12-25

important to Mothers
 Examine carefully every bottle of CASTORIA, safe and sure remedy for infants and children, and see that it
The Washington times., 1914-01-13
POSTAL BILL RIDER
CIVIL SERVICE BLOW
Republicans Attack Plan as Au-
thoTizing Appointment of
Officials Against Rules.

The postofce appropriation bill-the
largest annual budget ever prepared by
a committee of Congress-is ready for
consideration in the House following its
report by Chairman Moon, of the Com
mittee on Postoffices and Postroads.
The bill carries more than $S05. .0O0, 600,
which is approximately go. 10000 more
than the bill for the current fiscal year.
It is the largest amount every recon-
mended for the Postofflce. Department,
the largest items being for the extern
sion of the parcel post, rural mail serv-
ice, and railway mail service.
The bill does not contain the $4,000 re-
quested for experiments in the carrying
of mails by aeroplaneS. The House re-
Gently voted down the Sharp bill favor
ing such experiments, and the committee
took the hint.
Among the legislative sections of the
bill, however. is what Republicans term
another blow at the civil service. Il"
This legislative rider provides that here
after the Postmaster General may ap-
point assistant postmastcrs without re-
gard to civil service rules, and may re-
woke existing appointments if he sees
fit. The insertion of this rider caused
congressman Madden and SteeneTsor.
minority members of the committee. to
file a report attacking the majority, and
asserting that the Democrats have
taken another step in the direction of
the spoils system
The minority report says that there
are approximately 2,400 assistant post
masters who will now hold office lat
the mere whim" of postmasters who
have been named in return for service
to the Democratic party. In stripping
assistant postmasters of the protection
of the civil service rules with which
they have been surrounded, contend the
two minority members of the Postoffice
Committee, the Democrats are @aving
the way for the distribution Of more
patronage.
The Madden and Steenerson report
declares that heretofore the Postoffice
appropriation bill has been framed
along non-partisan lines, bat that the
legislative rider mentioned is a depar-
ture from the rule, and is worthy of
condemnation. The Democratic party
is chided for attempting 10 break down
the civil service when II used 10 protest
against such action when the Democ-
racy was the minority party.
Congressman Madden and Steenerson
promise to put up a stiff fight when
the Postoffice bill Is called up in the
House. Debate on. the measure probably
will begin Thursday.
The legislative rider now carried in
the Postoffice budget Is similar to that
which was contained last session in
the sundry civil bill. The sunCry civil
budget struck a blow at the classified
service system by providing that
deputy United States MAI shals and in
ternal revenue collectors might be an
pointed without reference to the civil
service law.
The Washington times., 1914-01-13
Teach Your Child
How to Be Healthy
Regular Bo7oel MoOement
From IrfancyInsures Good
Health in Later Years

We cannot all start life with the ad-
vautages of money, but every child
born is entitled to the heritage of
good health. Through unfortunate
ignorance or carelessness in the feed
ing of a baby It's tiny stomach may
become deranged. The disorder
spreads to the bowels and before the
mother realizes it the two chief or
gans on which the infants comfort
and health depend are causing it
srea. suffering. If the condition is
allowed to continue grave ailments
often result,
There is, however, no occasion for
alarm, and the sensible thing to do
but il should be done instantly-is to
give the baby a small dose Of a mild
laxative tonic. In the opinion OF a
great many people, among them such
well-known persons as the parents of
Bertha Lee Woodard, years old, OF
Moultrie, Ga. the proper remedy is DR..
CaldwelIs Syrup Pepsin. Mrs. I. n.
Woodard says that little Bertha was
troubled with constipation for over a
year, and that after trying several
different kinds of remedies she found
HeE ItiltL III o4 UP HtpSlA- IL 10 a
mild, pleasant-tasting laxative, which
every person likes, does not grippe nor
cramp, and contains that most excel
lent of all digestants, pepsin.
D.. Caldwelrs Syrup Pepsiu is espe-
cially intended for infants, children,
women. old people and all others
to whom harsh cathartics salt waters,
Fills, etc, are distressing. In fact, in
The Washington times., 1914-01-13
FARMERS OF TEN
STATES COMBINE
Will Build Central Depot in
Kansas to Distribute Food
Direct to Consumer.

KANSAS CITY. Mo, Jan. 13.-Fifty
memters of the Farmers Equity Union
representing ten States in the Central
West, decided at a meeting here to
build in Kansas City a central depot
for the marketing of farm products di-
rect to the consumer, and, to that ex-
tent. put the middleman out of business
The profits of the depot are to be d.
vided between the farmers who supply
the foodstuffs and the consumers who
are stockholders in the enterprise. Any
body may buy from the store, but only
the buyers who own stock will get the
dividends.
Nc one person may own more than
Sl00 worth of stock.
The Farmers Equity Union was or
sanized three years ago, and thus far
has dealt only in grain, the original
purpose being to build cooperative ele-
vators supplying members with coal,
salt and such bulky commodities as
could be handled in carload lots. All Of
tho members are farmers. There are
1G1 local centers, nearly every one of
which has built an elevator. :. o. Dray-
ton, of GreenVille, Ill, is the president.
Fifty of the local centers of the
Farmers Equity Union are in Kansas
and Missouri-most of them in Kansas
City trade territory-and for that rea-
son it is purposed to establish the cen
trail cooperative depot here. The plans
contemplate an investment of $50 600.
The intention is to sell at market prices.
1t is planned to have a free delivery
system for consumers. A standard is to
be established. so that the quality OF
foodstuffs offered will be maintained,
and 1t is the hope of the members of
the union to always have the highest
quality on the market.
The Washington times., 1914-01-13
Card Party Planned
As Hospital Benefit

4 card party will be given at Rausch-
er's on January IS by the women s
BOARD of the Garfield Hospital for the
benefit Of that institution, according to
nasunouncemetn made at the annual
meeting of the board at the Willard on
Monday.
7'he following officers were elected:
Mrs. John \, Logan, president; Mrs. P.
W. Rixey. Mrs Henry W. Willard, Mrs.
Joseph A. Lamar, Mrs. William P. Kel-
log, Mrs. II. E. Brown, Mrs Richard
Wainwright. vice presidents; Mrs. Mary
Logan Tucker. secretary; Mrs. T. l..
TuIlCck treasurer