Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1914-01-24
FOOLISH QUERIES
SWAMP CLERK
At STATION
Terminal Man Gives 10000 An
swers Each Month to lnforma-
tion-Seeking Public.

II you don't believe that most all Of
| mankind occasionally twists the
steering wheel Of it's mental appartus
the wrong way just slip into the
Terminal Station and stand for If
teen minutes before the wicket Of the
Clearing House for Foolish Questions,
described in the Terminals advertis-
ing literature AZ the Bureau Of In
formation.
When you totter out into the fresh
air you'll not only be educated-you'n
be what might possibly be called ''reve-
hated" Two truths will have been
revealed unto you, viz:
/. That certain part Of the brain
Of the average man, known as the
cerebrum. should be spelt with an
opening ~" and without the last r.,
especially when the man is seeking
information.
?. That the Gentleman from the
TAN Uncut Is not the only person on
earth who stalks up and asks ques-
tion that, if ii lived, would have a
charging forehead and retreating
chin the Pride Of Peachtree and
Master Of the Head Waiter does It
about as often and fully as well.
Chief Clerk Handles All Queries.
And If still you're not satisfied -
call for j. J. Beall. chief clerk of the
bureau. and let him talk to you
Mr.. Beall is the Geni Of the CUES
tion-the man who grabs the Foolish
httg L.. . 81
the foolishness out of II, and hands
the answer back in neat and compact
form. ready for instant use. He'll tell
YOU anything you want to know, and
why he tells you. and why he knows
II is so, And If YOU insist, he'll prob
ably tell you why you wanted TO
know, why he knew 1t, and so on,
ad inhnitum.
Mr.. Beal affirms that no man dare
attempt accurately to compute the
number of Crazy Inquiries he heark-
ems to in the period of a year They
are simply Incompatible. Some 5000
questions day come hurting over
the telephone and buzZing through
the suffering atmosphere around the
wicket, and Mr. Beall and his two
assistants catch them deXterously
and answer them eXpeditiously Six
thousand day for a month make
10000. and-but go on, it's started!
Farmer Wiser Than City Man.
And it affords Mr. Beall great pleas
urc to come hastily to the defense of
that portion of the population that
lives in the back districts and de-
votes its energies TO raising monster
cotton crops
"The farmer he SAYS. asks more
sensible questions, as rule, than
the city man does, particularly in the
lratter of the question that gives us
the most trouble. It's that old stand
by; When does my train leave" And
then the farmer. II he wishes to go
to burg that is nothing but a
switchtrack and grocery store,
doesn't hesitate to say So While youd
never get city man to admit that
he is bound for the little town.
For instance, maybe there's a sta
ton between here and Birmingham
called Podunk II a farmer wants to
go to Podunk. he'll say "Podunk; If
city man wants tor has to-go
to Podunk he'll ask about the train
to Birmingham. And well tell him
the time of our fastest train of
course. which probably doesn't stop
at Podunk at all-and he blames us
for his trouble.
Some Foolish Questions.
1T would be mighty hard TO believe
that people would ask the thugs they
do IL | wasn't here and heard them
I've had women walk up and blandly
ask If there was anyone al the depo,
to meet them; people come up here
and ask me if I've seen their little
boy who is roaming around the sta
ton somewhere. and a lot of them get
peeved If we can't tell them right
away where their uncles or aunts or
cousins live They ask us how to get
to every place from the police station
to the headquarters of the Men and
Religion Forward Movement; they
ask our opinion on politics, and
whether the President viii come
through Atlanta again soon: and one
smart man wanted to know one day
whether Charley Griffin, the train
caller, grew his own voice or had it
grated onto him!
About third of the questions We
answer come in over the telephone.
Most of them are sensible enough,
hut a lot of them are as foolish as
those that are asked at the window.
We have to decide all kinds of bets
and arguments or rather. we ase ask
ed to, all the way from poker prob
lens to how much Judge Broyles
win fine a man for kissing his sweet
heart,
The only two questions | ever was
asked which | couldn't give some kind
of an answer came in over the phone.
one was from a man who wanted to
know If Mars is inhabited, and tho
other from man who asked whether
Mohammed used cocaine or NOR
phine when he wrote the Koran.
Illdnn RrnulaS TO