The mirror., 1914-03-26
A HOBO'S CONFESSIONS

First of Series of Articles By
Book Worm Telling of Joys
and Hardships on the
Bumpers.
Were youse ever in that town? If
not, take it from has been, youse
never want ter be in that town.
tried it once an believe me it was
some joyful grind connectin' with
tn eats to quiet my howlin' inners.
piled out O my private" about
six P. g., just about the time the
COWS were startin' ter jingle up on
the court house lawn. an after
dingin' the main stem fer about two
hours, I'd come to tn conclusion
that jit" was as scarce in that
jirk" as rose bushes at the rorth
pole.
Well" l says to my self, Il
guess OF kid you'll have ter hit up
tn cottages"
l goes mp ter back door and
gives nice little tap, just hard
enough to liven up tn humans an
still let Fido continue his mornin'
beatty sleep.
Good mornin', lady" 1 says, Il
just got in an "-bang, she tries
ter knock all the screws out er tn
door hinges.
If you just got in, you can just
git out, bum.' she hollers through
tn winder.
Well, l cuts across lots and hits
up her neighber. She was one O.
these superior OF girls. The kind
that always wants to see your dis
cards before she'll raise the stakes.
Good mornin'." l says, Gould
you give starvin' man lump or.
somethin this mornin'?''
My good man, have you no i'm
ployment?" she asks. Atthe same
time trying ter figure out if l were
holding full-house or just pets -
No, madam" l replies. "Youse
see. Pm horse car driver an ever
since they've been usin' 'lectric's
I've been out O. work"
Well," she exclaims sarcastic
like. I guess you'll chop little
wood fer me. wont ya?''
Now, lady," l says, Three
weeks ago ternight l spilled off er a
palace stock down in OF San An
tone an tried to telescope me wrist,
ever since then I've been kind er on
tn outs with anythin' resemb bleln'
work"
She began ter look at me kind err
doubtful about then, so / goes on
an says. Don't think I'm one er
those gents what'll stear clear O.
work cause work runs in our fam
lily. My brothers first name is
Work. an if he'd got payed fer all
tn work he's did, he'd be rich guy
now. They calls him work-house
John"
Just about then, Missus Smart,
who I'd had the little "fracus-a-
locus" with, comes out her back
door and hollers ter Mlssus Supe-
rior.
Your not goin' ter feed that
dirty bum, are ya?''
We'll" answers Missus Superior,
he says he's got sore wrist an
can't cut wood but | calculates he's
got ter eat just the same.
oh yes, he's got ter eat" says
Missus Smart.
But he's so dirty and mussed up.
l don't reckon he's had a bath in
in year, an as fer as cuttin' wood
gves, | had man here a week ago
who only had one arm an he cut
pile of wood fer me-
Now. I'd had bath just two
weeks before, when I'd made the
jump from Little Rock in ter Hot
Spring, so / got kind of sore an
hollers over to Missus Smart.
Il knows there's lot of geniuses
IN this Oh world an as Ter as cuttln
wood goes, l once knew a man who
didn't have no arms ner legs an
he used ter make his livin' cuttin'
wood"
Well, fer mercy's sakes. How'd
he do it? Inquired the wise Missus
Smart?
We'll, youse see,' D tryin' ter look
real intelligent like. He used ter
have some one strap tn handle O. tn
ak ter his back an then he'd turn
soInersaults.
Do yer know that OF girl tried
ter Jim tn rest o. those hinges out
er that door an Missus Superior
she grins. An say, didn't get my