Grand Forks daily herald., 1914-09-05
Laugh With Us

A missionary from China gave an
impromptu lecture on the subject of
the country and the work being done
there before an audience Of Sunday
school youngsters, and believed he
had thoroughly impressed the chill
dren with the idea of ilodaltry. To
test them he put the question:
Children. If you were to go into a
Chinese place of worship What would
you see there that you would not see
in any place of worship in this coun-
try?''
With one voice the entire class
yelled, "Chinese!"
And so they co." said member
Of a Boston school committee; "our
great men are fast departing, and now
our honored president has passed
away-and I don't feel very we'll my.
SELF
A young constable joined the police
force in Scotland and in the course of
duty found it essential to arrest a very
old offender. Arrived at the police
station he ushered him into the cells
with the comment, Mind the step"
with contempt. II knew the step
afore ye was born
She-I don't see why you should
hesitate to marry on $2,59O a year.
Papa says my gowns neverlcost more
than that. =
He-But, my dear, We must have
something to eat"
She (petulantly)-Isnt that just
like man? Always thinking of his
stomach.
George said Hilda, looking up
from the morning paper which She
was reading, ''it says here that anoth-
er octogenarian's dead. What is an
octogenarian?"
We'll, I don't know what they are.
but they must be very sickly crea-
lures. You never hear of them but
they are dying
gentleman in addressing a Bal
timore gathering of children rather
confused himself. to the merriment
Of the youngsters. He was a mem Der
of the board of trustees of the school
before which he was speaking.
MY young friends said the speak
er, let me urge upon you the neces-
eity of not only reading good books.
but also. of owning them, so that you
may have access to them at all times.
Why, when I was a young man / used
frequently to work all night to earn
money to buy books and then get up
before daylight to read them''
Most men are not blessed with such
treasure of wife as is Langley.
My wife is the most economical
woman in the world" confided Lang
ley to friend one night. with pro-
found pride. why. do you know.
she's even found a. use for the smell
Of my motor car"
Great heavens! Do you mean it ~
exclaimed his friend
'Surest thing you know. She hangs
cheesecloth over the gasoline ex-
haust and packs away her furs in 1t
to keep the moths out during the
summer. .'-Harpers Magazine.
The Rev. DR.. Joseph Parker Of the
lection, to the announcement of which
he added with deep pathos: widows
and orphans will not be expected to
| contribute"
A few Sundays later there was an
'other collection for the same object
This time" said the preacher
widows and orphans will not be ex-
empt; for no battle ever made SC
many widows and orphans as the an.
nouncement made on the previous
Sunday"
A family living in South Chicago
| found a good deal Of cream on a
bottle Of milk which had been stand
ing over night and when the driver
called in the morning the pleased
servant held it UP to the light and
said: Look here. I have never seer
anything like this before on your
milk"
The man looked at 1t for a moment
scratched his head and replied: well
don't know what's the matter, but
you can throw it out and I'll give yor
q fresh bottle in its place."