davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1914-02-06
Do You Know tho Answer7

A teacher was giving to her class an
exercise in spelling and defining words.
"Thomas," she said to a curly haired
little boy, "spell fbex.' "I-b-e-x.'
correct. Define it." can ibex," an
swered Thomas after a prolonged
mental struggle, "is where you look in
the back part of the book when you
want to find anything that's printed in
the front part of the book."-Philadel-
phia Ledger.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1914-02-06

A Mohammedan people, enjoy. one
great advantage over all others-they
never suffer from the, anticipation of
that which is to come, and, as natu-
raj result, they can always enjoy the
present although only Il few hours
may separate them from disaster or
even from death, Their implicit be-
lief in an ordained future imparts a
dlgnlfied repose and outward calm to
all their acions.-Blackwoo Maya
zine.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1914-02-06

Mamma, I'm tired Of going to
school,"
whats the matter, Willie?"
1.-THE teacher
"Now, don't you say word against
your teacher, Willie. I've no doubt
you annoy her dreadfully, and she
seems like very nice sort of person
"Well, she said this mornin' that she
didn't think | had much of a bringin'
up at home, an >
wait! Did she say that? Well, Of
all the coarse impudence! You shan't
go back there another day!'
Exit Willie, grinning. - Cleveland
Plain Dealer
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1914-02-06
Mean Thingl

A New England physician says that
if every family would keep a box Of
mustard in the house one-half of the
doctors would starve to death. A mean
man suggests that everybody should
keep two boxes.-New Orleans Plea
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1914-02-06
The Feminine Paradox.

The uneducated woman has often
the quickest perception, the finest tact.
the most vivid sensibility. She will
feel without speaking; she understands.
your inmost thoughts; she knows with.
out being told.-London Black ard
White.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1914-02-06
The First Skyscraper.

The first sHyscraper was planned Out.
rot built) by Partisan architect i'm the.
year 1901. 1t was to be more than
800 feet high and provide rooms for
800 persons.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1914-02-06

The towers of the Panama cathedral
are rooted with pearl shells, which re
fleet the sunlight so that they can be
seen far out at sea.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1914-02-06

Father Why did you run away.
Franz? Franz Because mamma was.
81 unklnd. Father-That is no reason.
Do ! run away?
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1914-02-06

Good manners are the blossomsi Of
good sense and good feeling.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1914-02-06

"Serenaded my girl last night"
"Any member of the family come
OutT'
"Only the cat."-Chicago Record Her
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1914-02-06
ll !....I.iiI!.:!7yIl.I!lII|Ii ]! !.
Current Time Table
Passenger Service
Trains arriving from the West
and going East

Trains arriving from the West
and going East
Ne. ~. Ar. las ami 1.55 a m.
Express Daily for Groveton. Berlin
Gorham, Bryants Pond, Mechanic
Falls, Lewiston and Portland.
No. s. Lv. sos am.
Local. Daily except Sunday for Por
land and intermediate stations.
No. IS, Ar. 1.15 p.m.Lv. 1.20 pm
Express. Daily for Groveton, Berlin
Gorham, Bryants Pond, Norway
Mechanic Falls, Lewiston and Portland
No. IL. Ar. 1910 pm.
Daily except sunday from Montrea
and intermediate stations.
Trains arriving from the East
and going West
No, I. Ar. 12.3 5 a.m.Lv. 1916 am
Express Daily for Coaticooke, Sher
brooke, Richmond Montreal Toronto
Chicago and Points west and south
No. II. Lv, 7.30 am.
Local Daily except Sunday for Norton;
Coatcook, Sherbrooke, Richmond and
Montreal.
No. 10. Ar. 100 pm. Lv. 100 pm
Express. Daily for Coaticook, sher
brooke, Richmond Montreal, Toronto
Chicago and Points west and south
NO. 5. Ar.l7.3O pm.
Daily except Sunday from Portland
and intermediate stations
For all information and tickets
apply to Station Ticket Office or
w. A. GLEESON, AGENT.
ISLAND POND, VT.
The Washington herald., 1914-06-21
Real Romances of the Business World

which brought them success. From
China they went on to India, and before
long they were dealing in various lines
Of American-made goods, always work.
ing directly with. the merchant and leav-
ing out of consideration the middleman.
A dozen years after this first venture
in the Orient the names of Keegan and
Rosencrantz were well known in busi-
ness circles in Japan, China, India, and
Australia, and besides dealing in every
thing from watches to wireless appara-
tus, they have reaped additional harvests
by importing precious stones from tho
Orient to the United States.
One thing Keegan and Rosencrantz
had impressed upon them during their
years of experience in the Orient-no
matter how successful American push
and bluntness may be in this country, it
is different in the far East. There the
trader must be keen, polite, diplomatic,
and leiSurely. He must, above all else,
understand the peculiar temperament of
the Oriental, and the first lesson of this
difficult art Keegan and Rosencrantz
learned as mere boys in the streets Of
San Frsncisco's Chinatown
The latest undertaking of these twd
young men sounds rather staggering.
They have chartered a large ocean
steamer and are planning a personally
conducted tour of American statesmen to
the countries to the south of us. This
ship. when it sails from New York hsr-
Dor in October, will have on board =
gathering of statesmen from some of the
largest and most progressive American
manufacturing concerns. They will be
off for a cruise of I9o days, in which
they will stop at eighteen ports in the
West Indies, Central America, and
South America. The ship viii spend
eighty days at the various ports, during
which time the statesmen will be able to
60 about in quest of orders and viii
also have the opportunity of inviting
prospective buyers on board the boat,
where they may inspect the American
made goods to the best possible sdvan-
tage in the exhibition rooms that are to
be fitted up in one of the salons.
And the boys who made themselves
masters of the commercial dialect of
China will be the hcadmasters of this
floating school of American Ssls,msH.
ship. a
The Washington herald., 1914-06-21

lnew-"the Chinese merchants have
been doing business with Englishmen,
who have educated them to expect a
man to dress for dinner. The English
always do, you know, and if you expect
to get in with these merchants and COM
pete with the EngIishmen you will have
to do as they do"
When the two young men were alone
they regarded each other sadly.
"We have spent all our money, Kee-
gan" sighed Rosencrantz, but if We
must we must.
So together they went sorrowfully to
the place in San Francisco where din
ner togs were least expensive. 1t was
serious matter, for when they had pro-
vided themselves with the new articles
of apparel they had but 500 in the world
to speed them on their venture. They
had not been long in China, however,
before they realized how fortunate had
been this eleventh-hour warning, and
how wise they had been in needing it.
Luck was with them from the start.
They stopped first at Honolulu, where
they managed to sell goods upon which
the commissions amounted to $500.
Then they went on to Japan, where they
received check for another $500. and
from that time on they were never in
need of funds.
In China they made their greatest
success because they understood the Ian
guage, although at first the prospect was
discouraging. They found that most of
the agents for imported goods were
Englishmen who understood little or no
Chinese. These men dealt with whole
sale dealers who employed native inter-
prefers. So when Keegan and Rosen-
crantz appeared, young Americans sell
ing new line of goods, the wholesalers
favored the established English agents,
and Keegan and Rosencrantz made few
sales.
Lets play trick on the English
agents" suggested Rosencrantz to Kee-
gan. Lets go straight to the Chinese
merchants. talk to them without an in
terpreter. and sell the goods cheaper
than they can get them from the whole
sale dealers because We can cut out the
wholesale dealers commission"
Even this was not always easy to do,
but the young men had boundless enthu-
si,sm. and In the end Il wv Q psiiS
The Washington herald., 1914-06-21
Suzanne Selects the Spot

they mistake me for piano lamp with
a red silk shaded
And listen; No stained-glass light
falling on me, if you pleasei Il is all
right for some brides to have dim, re-
ligious spectrum of lights filter through
the multicolored tummies of Noah and
Jonah and the other stained-glsss peo-
pie to fsti on their heads, but you never
can tell how red hair is going to take
to strange lights. A bride with freck-
les has cares enough when she tries to
get away with a white satin dress and
a white veil on top of conAagrationary
hair, but il she has to pass through a
bunch of mixed colors that turn her
nose green and her left ear blue and
then gets nice glare of scarlet right
on her rosy chignon she'd curse for life.
So Fve been hunting cool, dark. un-
stained-glassed church that / could kid
nap long enough to run Perky through
the marriage mill, and now-I don't
know what to dol / always thought a
church was one place where, if you got
a man, you could get away with the
marriage job safe and sound, but it
amt. I'm worried Maybe you heard
about this Mister Bouck White who
went right into church and got noisy
the other Sunday? II man viii do
that on Sunday, what might he do when
| was dragging Perky up the aisle or, a
week day? 1t would be just like some
one of that sort to dash in and start
something that would make Perky shy
off to one side, kick the end out of a
pew, take the bit in his mouth and bolt.
HonestI Pm beginning to understand
why the early church people used to
hold their services in caves. It's an
noying to be getting a good start on .
perfectly good sermon and have a eou-
pie of regiments of L w. w. come
marching through the church with a
band at the head and small nigger at
the rear, carrying a pail of drinking
water and a tin dipper. A minister
must go about crazy these days. Half
the time he has to try to get one lot of
men into the church and the other half
he has to try to keep another lot out of
it. just when he's got nice lot of
golfers to leave their sticks at the club
house, and has got them in. the pews.
and has reached -And thirdly" he
is interrupted blythe unexpected-arrival
of something ike this;
I-6en. Weary Willie on horseback,
carrying red flag.
z-Coxeys army, eating ham sand
witches.
3-Dooduffers Marine Band, playing
Annie Rooney"
4-The Llandylln Socialistic Eistedd-
The Washington herald., 1914-06-21

John climbs 20 the porch and drops into
a chain, and slides hi; hat TO the floor.
"Ter'bl hot t'day" he says. "fCh'
never get done with that knittin'!"
"oh. yes, this is another one" says
The missus. II want 70 finish this quar-
ter se,tiun before dinner il can. Was
over to Mrs. Higgins this afternoon
and had tea. Had cakes ard doughnuts
ard c:cam tarts AMI dried beef and I'm
not bit hungry"
Hungry" says John. Feel s if !
couldn't eat bite in month"
"ThereI" says the missis, putting the
last loop in the dolly. Now, come and
help me get dinner"
What? Me help you get dinner:
Didn't | say / didn't want no dinner
l Cont want no dinner. Cut it out to-
night. Me get Ginnerl Watch me,
that's all-just watch mel
That's how Perky feels about matri-
mony about now. But the wis. missus
don't take chances like that il she wants
to get rid of yesterdays cold veal be-
for it spoils in the ice box. No, NAB !
She has dinner on the table, and the
chairs pushed up, and the lights turned
on.
Dinners all readyl" she says when
poor ,old John hits the first porch step.
Come right ini don't mind washing
your hands"
Well, that's little Suzanne! If I'm
going to put this thing over on Mr.. Per-
kins of Portland I've got to do the get
ting ready, and Pm the little red-head
that can do it. Gee! 1t only took me a
week to decide whether I'd use pink
baby ribbon or blue, and the answer was
pale green, but picking out a church to
be married in is bigger job.
My choice is something gloomy and
dusly in the way of church, with no
prism-colored light sitting in through
stained glass window. One of the
dampish churches with an air of gloom.
I'm not stuck on gloom as a general
diet, but, believe mel Tn going to have
hard enough work steering my head of
danger-signal hair through the bridal
business without having the glare of
day beating on it. l don't want people
to misunderstood the music and think
it is playing @Here-oomes-the-6re" in
stead of ''Here-comes-the-brideI7 /
want a dim, twilight church; the sort
that VIII make the friends Of she groom
say: did you see what color her hair
was?" "No, it was too dark in the
church. but it looked like dark auburn"
Then, after it is ali over, when they visit
me IN my little home, l should worry if
The Washington herald., 1914-06-21
WHEN A MAN KNOWS
CHINESE
BY OSBORN MARSHALL

ago, fused to teen with romance enough
to FIRE our boyish irnaginations.
1t was in these rambles in the dock
yards of San Francisco that Hilliard
Rosencrantz and Joseph Keegan first de-
cided to learn to speak Chinese They
had already determined to make money ;
they had also determined to make it in
some form of merchandising. But down
there on the docks, with their lungs
expanded to the fresh Pacific breezes,
they decided with one accord that they
would never stoop to the pettifogging,
small dickering and narrow scheming
that they felt would be Necessary to win
success without cent of capital in their
native land. They would go out to the
uncouquered markets of the East and
do things in big, magnificent style
They would, therefore, they decided,
learn to speak Cantonese, the dialect of
Chinese trade.
Of course, in those days about the
only Americans who learned Chinese
were missionaries, and they didn't usual
ly attempt to learn it till they reached
China. The men who traded with Chin
csc merchants usually employed native
interpreters, and so there was little
precedent for young Rosencrantz and
Keegan in their new ambition
There is one good way to learn to
talk Chinese" Rosencrantz, when their
minds were made up to study the Lam
guase, told his friend, "and that is to
get some one in Chinatown to teach Us"
So whenever the two young men had
few hours to spend and little ready
money in their pockets they would make
an excursion to Chinatown where, un-
der the tutelage of venerable old
Chinaman, they took their first lessons
IN Chinese.
The Washington herald., 1914-06-21

Needless to say, Chinese is not an
easy language, although now that Mr.;
Rosencrantz has been master of the Ian
guage for so many years he is unable
to see why it should be considered I'M
usually difficult. But the boys were per-
sistent. When they became little pro-
hcient in the language they took advan-
tage of every Chinaman they met to
practice their newly-acquired method o:
expression. One Chinese laundryman
almost dropped his flatiron with aston
ishment one day when the fresh-faoed
Americans began briskly to address him
in his mother tongue.
At best, this was an uncertain, and
slow method, and when the University
of California announced an extension
course in the Cantonese dialect the two
aspirants to fluency in the Celestial Ian
guage were delighted.
They joined the class and worked like
Trojans at mastering the puzzles OF
their task. Other men in the course
were taking it as hobby or as side
issue. To Keegan and Rosencrantz ii
was the most important business in life.
And between lessons at the university
they haunted Chinatown in search of
natives with whom to converse,
In the spring of 1899 at the end Of
the term, Rosencrantz stood head man
in his class, and in recognition of his
achievement the resident Chinese con-
sui of San Francisco, the august and
honorable Ho Vow, conferred a special
eommendation upon him in token of his
esteem.
Not only had Keegan and Rosen-
trantz learned to speak Chineselthey
had learned in their intercourse with the
inhabitants of Chinatown something
suite ~ important in their future work
The Washington herald., 1914-06-21

as the language They had become IA
miliar with the peculiar temperament
unfathomable unless you understand it
of the Oriental. \
Then for few months the two men
served their apprenticeship in San Fran
cisco, buying cheap junk and selling il
in Chinatown, thereby increasing their
knowledge of the ways of the Chinese
mind and also aecumulating little cap
ital.
Their ultimate object-that of con-
quering the markets of the Orient-wss
ever before their minds, and before
long they were ready to make begin
ming. With their hard-earned savings
they laid in supply of cheap jewelry,
plated ware, and trinkets, such as they
knew would be in demand wherever
Orientals were to be found, and as a
crowning stroke of good luck, they Sc
cured the agency for large watch man
ufacturing concern.
Then they engaged passage on an
East-sailing vessel, packed their bags and
baggage, sent their wares into the hold
of the ship, and for one foolish day on
the eve of their departure thought that
they had done all that was necessary.
They CHANGED to meet man who had
been in China and knew something
about the methods of the country.
"of course you are. taking dinner
togs," he said
Dinner togs-dress suits" echoed
Rosencrantz, looking anxiously at Kee-
gan. Dinner togs were included in their
dreams of things which would be added
unto them after they had won success,
but which had no part in their present
wardrobe. what should we do with
dinner togs?"
Only thiS' explained the man who
The Washington herald., 1914-06-21

be married. Perky don't want to be en-
gagged. asked him what about the
ring yesterday, and he opened his mouth
so far / could have pushed chair in
it before he got wise to what meant.
"The engagement ring, you silly
goati" / said. DO you expect me to
stand for an engagement without all
the trimmingss Honest, don't you know
a girl expects ring when she's en-
gagedl'
Z But" he said.
IAN right" l says to him, "11l make
a trade. amt so wild about ring
as all that. If it's going to scare you to
death I'll make bargain. I'll do with
out the. ring and you kiss me six times
day instead of three times"
Say, he turned as pale as the ghost of
a millerl
kiss you?" he stammered. Moth
ing was said about kissing. I didn't
promise to kiss you. This engagement
was to please you"
"And say, it don't please me bit
without the proper fxings," ! says.
'Handholding, and hugging, and kiss
ing, and rings are all part of an en-
gagement, Perky. Look in a book if
you don't believe me. But I'll do with
out the ring and double up on the other
trimmings. That's the warm, affection
ate nature I've got. care more for
caresses than for karats, but I've got to
have one or the other"
Sayl he slid for the door so fast it
burned his feet, and l could hear his
beating on the elevator door with both
fists. You never saw man so wild to
buy an engagement ring. And it's a
beaut! Solitaire as big as wart You
got to know how to handle reluctant
lovers, especially when they amt in
love.
Well, this is my plan: Get everything
ready and then ring the dinner bell.
See? Get what | mean? john comes
home from work, regular tired-bus;ness-
man style, nothing to eat since break
fast but dollar-forty lunch and TWEEN
ty-fve cents to the waiter because he
flied up the butter plate three times and
brought another plate of rolls. Poor
old John! Nothing else 20 eat since
lunch except about twenty-five ounces
Of assorted free LUNCH on re way home,
when he stopped at Jake's for glass
Of. The missus is sitting on the porch
crocheting a pie-shapei dolly that will
warp in the middle when it is washed
and will lock like Mount Etna unless
you set the steak platter spang on TOP
of it, and then the platter will wabble.
The Washington herald., 1914-06-21
toopyiEht Mkl

CAY, honestl when a girl is en-
- gagged to be married she has a
strong thinking part to put over,
hasn't she? First, she's got to think
what sort of baby ribbon she's going
to run through her white goods-and
that's no easy think when she's got a
couple of hanks of hame-colored hair
on her head-and then she's got to pick
the place she's going to be married in.
Some jobI
You see, it's this way: I've got Per-
kins to stand for being engaged to me.
but he's in no rush. He's not one of
those inpetuous bridegrooms that want
10 get engaged at 9 a. m. and start on
the honeymoon in time to get a seat at
the dining car table the first time the
darky yells at noon. Perky is the sort
of hance who is willing to start the en-
gagement today, but is twice as willing
to- wait until the Cathedral of St. John,
in New York. is finished, some time in
the middle of the twenty-second CEN
tury, to be married.
You've got to handle bridegroom
like Perky with care. Some bridegrooms
are like toad-you can put them on a
cabbage leaf and they'll sit and blink
until you get ready to use them-but
Perkysis like green frog. If you want
him on hand when you want to use him
you've got to hang on to one hind foot
and let him kick The minute you
loosen our grip-whiffl There are
two leaps and splash and Mr.. Frog is
down at the bottom of the pond, hiding
under water-soaked plank and sulk-
ing like bee-stung pup.
Perky has an idea that matrimony is
the place you come to when you want
to jump off the solar system. He is be-
ing engaged to me just like he'd lend
me his pocket knife il / asked him 1t
would be shame to let me have it, but
he'd do If rather than have me weep
over having to sharpen my pencil with
my teeth. And he expects me 10 hand
him his engagement back just as I'd
hand him his knife back. Good chancei
I'll tip you off. Perky don't want to
The Washington herald., 1914-06-21
lBR6ezn 5UzARRe ByElis parkefgmcr

that carries riot insurance, and that has
an ofieial board that viii guarantee that
if l. once get Perky inside the church
and started up the aisle there viii be no
roughhouse work until the knot is tied.
II / can't find that church I'll do the
The Washington herald., 1914-06-21

whether the bombs exploded or not
He'd make dive through the nearest
stained-glass Noah's ark and not stop
running until he reached Trenton, N. J..
l don't exactly like this new idea Of
spoiling the ministers sermon BY enter
The Washington herald., 1914-06-21

der down to the docks Of the port of
the Golden Gate and as they watched
the incoming steamers rich with their
Oriental cargoes or laden with bananas
from Tahiti they would drink in the
spirit of adventure and achievement
The Washington herald., 1914-06-21

fod, singing the Welsh SociaIistic hymn
"Ffllyod Ydd Llffoyd-s
s-The Hungarian Anarchistic So
ciety. carrying bombs
6-The Ladies' Arson Society OF the
Ninth ward, with kerosene cans and
torches
The Washington herald., 1914-06-21

ing hurriedly and daring him to debate
the question, Il bet you dollar 1 can
lick the ushers and the deacons. What'll
you bet?" No minister can be expected
to follow a train of thought when he
has to stop every few minutes to ring
in a riot call.
Just now I'm looking for a church
The Washington herald., 1914-06-21

THE steam calIiope, playing "Su-
vance River"
Maybe in time a preacher will be
evolved that can buck up against a pro-
eession like that and hold the attention
of the old lady in the thirteenth pew on
the right side, but shy bridegroom like
Perky wouldn't linger around to see
The Washington herald., 1914-06-21
(CopgriEht, lslL)

TT was in the nature of genuine
romance-was Hilliard Rosen-
crantz's friendship for Joseph Kee-
gan. They found each other when they
~erc schoolboys in San Francisco, and
The Washington herald., 1914-06-21

best / ezn-TN get gang of Bowery
restaurant bouncers for ushers and best
men and six lady pugiIists for brides
maids, and if worse comes to worst
we'll fight it out right there in church.
I've got to protect Perky. guess even
a poor working girl has some property
rights in her hance.