davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Connecticut western news., 1914-01-08
Where the Laugh Comes In
What is that grim, that weird, mys-

What is that grim, that weird, mys-
 terious sound .+. .a.-.
 That fills the air from Frisco to Ho. Be not afraid, my friends {; t is but, I've found, .-...
 Our New Years resolution being broken. ---.
 -Lippincott's
 Nell-"Did you have a good time at the weddiDg?' @
 Belle-.'Yes, indeed. Everybody cried. "-Philadelphia Record.
 "Jones insists that there ought to be a tax on bachelors" s{ss s.....
 "he must be one of those single-ta theorists. s."-Baltimore American.
 "What did you mean by telling me that you came near marrying Manner"
 ''So did. I had the refusal of her hand. ."--Balti more American.
 "How do you propose to begin work ?"
 By suspending operations.
 "How can that be!' ,....+
 "I'm a paperhanger. Baltimore American.
 Doctor--'Do you take any form of active exercise?'
 Patient-"Oh. yes, doctor, I dodge automobiles all the way down town. ."- Baltimore American.
 Conductor (of motor b1s on the avenue)- all out We've punctured a tire" old gentleman By jove It's as bad as riding in your own car. Life.
 T understand that you have written book?"
 "Yes." replied Prof Hibrow; "but book that you understand. ."-Wash lngton Star. "How can l get to be President, fath- CT? There are no rails to split now"
 II don't know, son. You might get close to the soil by splitting few lnfini- tives. ."-Exchange.
 Te.c,2:r-"Tommie, this great man about who we have been reading is call ed an unconscious humorist. What, is an unconscious humorist?"
 Small boy-"A joker that's tainted away. ."-Llfe.
 A wholesale nut dealer recently found this letter from an irate customer: flor cash by Broken wall nuts I talk home rotden fiblerts what the-kinder bizness you make.'J. T.'"-New York Tribune.
 MT. Blinks-"Why so unhappy ?"
 Mrs. Blinks-"I hate that Mrs. Next Door with deadly hate. and I'm per- fectly miserable over it."
 MT. Blinks-"But she doesn't know it."
 Mrs. Blinks-"That's why I'm un- appy."-Chicago Press.
 MT. Rural Hamlet (to ministerial agent) Do have some more of the corn. Dr Rightly, it came out of our own garden"
 Little Buttin Hamlet-"Yes, n the chicken came outer our own garden, too. Pa sad he bet the folks next door would keep their hens at home after he caught 8 few more of 'em."- Judge.
 Edwards-"So you think your next door neighbor is mean? ?' Matchell- "Of course, think he is mean.
 Wouldn't you think hlm mean if he killed his rooster-which had wakened you and kept YOU awake every morn ing for two years-the very. night De- fore you wanted to catch a 2:10 a. m. train ?"-Judge.
 Merchant-"Ha you collected that bill of Smith's?''
 Collector -"Have I collected it? I called at the house and found that seven Smiths lived there. Six declared they owed nothing, and the seventh kicked me out of the house."
 Merchant-"That's the Cne. Go back and get the money. Tit Bits.
Connecticut western news., 1914-01-08

The telephone company has turned over another new leaf, and now requires Central to call for Number, please" instead of the more curt. explosive and frustrating Number p' And it not only sounds better, but is more fittlngly adapted to Central's pleasing and musi- cal voice. And we cordially endorse the Courant's suggestion that the subscriber say "please" when he gives the number. No telephone subscriber should allow any telephone operator to outdo him in politeness.
Connecticut western news., 1914-01-08

The esteemed Hartford Courant says "John E. Deficit has been designated as acting postmaster at Amston, Conn. :" With deep. seated and sincere hanker- ing for enlightenment, and in a becom- ing spirit of meekness, we approach that ever-eruptive fountain of wisdom and bottomless tank of free information, with the respectful inquiry, Where the deuce is Amston, Conn?
Connecticut western news., 1914-01-08
METHUSELAH'S CASE.

Our esteemed nelghbor, the Water bury Republican, takes issue with a Mississippi preacher who said in a re- cent sermon that Methuselah, after liv- Ing to the mature age of 969 years. was drowned in the flood, The Waterbury editor produces genealogical statistics in formidable array. in support of hls con- tention. and triumphantly asks: Was Methuselah drowned?"
 While we are disposed to accept the Republicans conclusions, we sincerely hope this important question may be settled without developing long drawn out and acrimonious controversy. How ever, if the heirs of the late MT. Me. thuselsh have any newly discovered evil dence that makes it advisable to reopen the case and get at the bottom facts, it may be we'll to have an Investigating committee appointed with power to ex- anime the books of the administrator who settled the old gentleman's estate. and incidentally go through the vital statistics of the coroner of Mesopotamia County, or consult the probate records in the district nearest the place where the deceased last dwelt.
 And while the inquiry is on, it might be we'll, in case it is found that MT. M. met his death by drowning, to find out whether he fell in. or if he was pushed. If there is any ground for reopening and thrashing out this case at all, just at this time, the investigation should be thorough. And If there IS any reason to suspect that the deceased met his un- timely death as result of foul play the affair should be probed to the very bot tom, without fear or favor.
Connecticut western news., 1914-01-08
MORNING ADAPTATIONS.
BY EMMA RoDEMEYER WAIT.

AS we waken in the morning,
 AS we greet the new born day, Let us hold calm meditation,
 And to God sincerely pray That our hearts may be receptive
 To naught but the good and true, And that we may nobly labor
 In whate'er He'd have us do. Then as eventide approaches,
 And we, weary, seek our rest, May He wipe away all errors
 And remember but the best.
Connecticut western news., 1914-01-08
NORTH CANAAN HAS,

A population Jf 2,171, (census of 1910) Two railroads.
 National and Savings Banks.
 Trolley railroad extending through the Berkshires to Pittsf1eld and beyond. Up-to-date High School and frst-class school system. l, Five churches. ...r First-class hotel. Fire department. including chemical en- zine. -.a... .. Ten miles of State Roads.
 Electric light and power plant, Complete Sewer System Never-failing water supply and the best water in the state.
 Wide-awalxe Business Mems Association. Extensive lime and iron industries. Fraternal and benefit societies. Brass band.
 Up-to-date department stores. Pure air and wholesome climate.
Connecticut western news., 1914-01-08
MISCELLANEOUS

AR. EATEN, optisian rorringtod, 3onn. will be at '' The Canheld" hotel the first Mon day and Tuesday afternoons or each month If unable to call send postal. Consultation free ;. R. STARK. Nurse Canaan Telephone tbsl DETECTIVES-Do you want to become a De- tective Earn SlOO to Si50 monthly and better your present position, If interested, write "Detectve." P O. Box 6lS Hartford, Conn. TO RENr-Tenant on second floor West Main street, ststra hrat, electric lights. bath room, all iu goud order. D. w. Manycl
 PEABODY -0ptometrist and optician will be at Mrs. M. A. Halls, Falls Village, Jan. l4, i5.
Connecticut western news., 1914-01-08

Did you have good time in New York ?"
 No. I was entertained by some people who have always lived in New York, and they insisted on having me at theIr home insisted of letting me stop at a hotel, where I could mingle with visitors from Chicago, Pittsburgh and Cleveland, aud let them show me the town. ."-Cnicago Record Herald.
Connecticut western news., 1914-01-08
That's SO: why not make every Sun- day Community Sunday?

The Torrington Register is again agi tating the question of removing the county seat from Litchfeld to Torring- ton. This matter of recognizing the political geography of the county will probably be kept "in the air" until the time is ripe for Canaan, the metropolis of Litchfield county, to step in and be- come the shire town.
Connecticut western news., 1914-01-08

Here we are, we'll into January; and while the cringing pessimist is fretting his gizzard. and dreading the "coming winter" the season is steadily going by. and giving us ideal weather. The 'coming winter'.' is all too rapidly be- coming the past winter. and it will all be over before the pessimist thinks of getting through dreading it. And so It is with most of the bugbears of life
 They shrink and shivel up on being boldly confronted and grappled. Think it over ...s'
Connecticut western news., 1914-01-08
AS AN ADVERTISING MEDIUM

The News should appeal with special force to the sagacious business man.
 It has an extensive circulation in Western Connecticut, and especially throughout Litch- field County and Southern Be~zshtre:
 It has competent staff of wide-av ak cor respondents in the various towns to report the local doings each week. and gees into the homes aai Is perused by the entire ia miles of the thrifty, intelligent, reading class Of people whom the long g-headed advertiser most desires to reach.
Connecticut western news., 1914-01-08

The Canaan Business Mems Associa- tion annual banquet is going to be fully up to the standard, according to the in- dications. And the standard of the 0. B. M. A. banquet is high one.
Connecticut western news., 1914-01-08

New Milford has a slogan :: ,"New Life, New Business, New MilfordN And New Milford has proportion of progressive business men and public spirited citizens who will see to 1t that the town lives up to it's slogan.
Connecticut western news., 1914-01-08
THE EWS' AGENTS

Extra copies of The News are on sale at tn efice of publication and at
 Dempsey's Drug Store, Canaan,
 Post Office. East Canaan. .r D. H. Oakes' Store, Lakeville,
 Post Office. Falls Village,
 George T. Johnson's Store, Norfolk,
 Scutt & Rood Ashley Falls. A. l.. Dickinson. Salisbury J. W. Morgan Great Harrington, Mass.
Connecticut western news., 1914-01-08

Get Together. Pull Together. No community" movem en t-S n day, Thursday, Tuesday, Saturday, Wednes- day. Monday or Friday-can be failure if we all get together and pull together.
Connecticut western news., 1914-01-08

Subscribers are requested to notify the pub sher promptly of any failure to receive papers regularly, changes of residence etc.
Connecticut western news., 1914-01-08

The water wagon is rolling along beautifully. thus far.-New Haven Union.
 Congratulations Philip Hang on >
Connecticut western news., 1914-01-08
WANTED

WANTED Married man for farm work, steady job by the year. house, wood, etc, Cream Hill Farm, West Cornwall, Conn. WANTED-To trade groceries for good bullets M. c. Lean & Sons WANTED-i5.0O0 cords Of lime kiln wood
 Address Box POP, East Canaan, Conn. COW WANTED-New milch or one that will be bergh. Canaan,
Connecticut western news., 1914-01-08

Paste down that thew leaf" before it eurls up and gets dog
Connecticut western news., 1914-01-08
Romance in France.

A dozen years ago, fresh from the school at Versailles came a young under lieutenant of artillery, in his new uniform. returning from Nor mandy, where he had been to see his brother. On the train the young officer found himself seated beside an old man, who, like himself, was going to Paris.
 They entered into conversation. An amiable intimacy was established be- tween the two travellers. At the west station the old gentleman taking leave of the young officer, said "I need a son. in-law like you"
 Three months later the officer re- turned to Normandy. He narrated the incident of the journey to his brother. and questioned him about the strange companion.
 II know this old fellow" responded the brother. Do you know that he offered you very pretty partner? His daughter possesses an income of hun dred thousand francs."
 Where is she? I'll go after her." saId the officer.
 The brother made a sorrowful ges- ture: "Alas,' you are little late."
 "Eh, what, is the young girl to be married?"
 No, her father was buried eight days ago."
 The lieutenant was silent for moment. But knew her father,a visit of coincidence is imposed upon me-,
 Dressed in his best uniform he call ed upon the lady. He spoke in the most tender terms of the old gentle man. Without doubt the prestige of the uniform was not without effect on the young provincial, and the story as in the pleasant dramas, ended with a amarriage. The lieutenant is now prominent member of the chamber of deputies Le Cri de Paris.
Connecticut western news., 1914-01-08
Cent-a-Word Advertisements
 Minimum Charge 25 Cents
FOR SALE

OR SALE-My place in East Canaan village. 10 room house, barn and about an acre of land. c. F. Roberts, Canaan. Conn. FOR SALE-Two fine thoroughbred white Wyandotte cockerels. Dr. c. l.. Hurd, Lake vile, Conn
 FARM FOR SALE-W. J. Ferguson place Dear Clayton, 240 acres of tillable lapd Wood and timber enough that can be sold to pay for whole place. Terms easy with small payment down. Can arrange price so you can cut the wood of this winter and can give possession April first, 1914. Can sell the wood to lime kiln only half mile from place. Wonderful chance to get farm with little labor. Enquire of George w. Hall Real Estate. Canaan, Conn. FOR SALE-Cutter in gcod condition. s. w, Barnes
Connecticut western news., 1914-01-08

Inquifing son "Papa, what is rea- son?"
 Fond parent -" Reason, my boy, is that which enables man to determine what is right"
 Inquiring son -" And what is in- stinct ?''
 Fond parent - Instinct is that which tells a woman she is right. whether she is or not.' - Tlt-Bits.
Connecticut western news., 1914-01-08
WRITE LETTER ABOUT

Communications on subjects of general inter est to The News readers are invited, but n, attention will be paid to anonymous letters.
The daily banner. (Cambridge, Md.) 1897-2008, 1914-12-09
Prudential to nutuaIlze

ewark, N. j., Dec. THE mu-
Ffization of the Prudential Insur-
ice Company of America was ord,
bred today by vote of it's policy hold
ers
The majority was overwhelming
here being only 206 votes against
she plan out of 941,000 proxies re-
seived by mail. The count proceed
ID this afternoon.
The plan approved by the policy
Jders is to be placed before Chan
llor Walker, of the State Equity
purt, who will have to pass upon it.
If he concurs, he will appoint
rec trustees with power to pur-
tase the outstanding stock at a
ice of s455 for each share of a
r value of $50.
The daily banner. (Cambridge, Md.) 1897-2008, 1914-12-09
SPEAKS At ZION
CHURCH TONIGHT
Hon. Nj. J. Tanning. Irish Orator, is
In Cambridge In Interest of Tenn
perance.

The local arrangements are COM
pIeted for the address announced
| last week to be delivered by Hon.
M. J. Tanning, the noted Irish tenn
perance orator. Writing about him
years ago, Frances E. Willard wrote
of him as "a man of exceptional
powers on the platform. Henry
Metcalf called him "the greatest
campaigner 1 have met in my forty
years of reform work." DR.. Cross
field, president of the Kentucky Uni
versity, wrote of him, wise, aggres-
sive, full of tact, he is the best man
in America to lead an anti-saloon
fight" General Secretary McNair,
the Louisville, KY, Y. M. c. A,
speaks of him as Undoubtedly the
most forceful and convincing tenn
perance lecturer before the Ameri-
can people today" and DR.. c. c.
Fisher, president of the Millersburg
Female College, speaking of the
many able temperance lecturers to
whom he has listened, added, "but
all things considered, think l have
never heard the equal of Mr.. Fan
ming" Our Canadian neighbors ap-
preciate him also. The Templar, of
Hamilton, Ont, said of him, this
city has heard the leading orators Of
both sides of the Atlantic on the
prohibition field, and it Is safe to
say that no other ever created such
unbounded enthusiasm"
He will speak tonight at Zion ME.
Church, and it is expected that a
large audience will be present to
hear him.
The daily banner. (Cambridge, Md.) 1897-2008, 1914-12-09
'PEDDfN HOME NEAR
|. {. N. N. BURNED
sidence on John w. Fletcher Home
'arm Destroyed by Fire From a
defective FIue.

The home of Mr.. Calvin Spedden,
Al the John w. Fletcher home
ace, near East New Market, was
Astroyed by fire at 1890 o'clock last
ght. The blaze is supposed to
have originated from a defective
Aue, as the fire broke out in the
pm over the kitchen.
Aouse is total loss, but Mr..
d Mrs. Spedden were able to save
part of the furniture and some per-
lsoral effects. The home, which is
valued at about $4,000, is about
sAaIf covered with insurance.
The daily banner. (Cambridge, Md.) 1897-2008, 1914-12-09
S. Phillips Purchases HambfOoks

Fish Commissioner Edward S.
Phillips on Monday purchased of
Mrs. F. NJ. Dick her delightful coun-
try home, "Hambrooks Manor" To-
Ecated on the Choptank river, short
distance from Cambridge. 1t was
reported last week that the place
had been sold to Mr.. w. E. Ogilvie,
president of the Havana Central
Railroad Co., but it later developed
pat Mr.. Phillips was the real pur-
aser. The deal was made through
ews & Co.. real estate dealers,
5 city.
The daily banner. (Cambridge, Md.) 1897-2008, 1914-12-09
FIELD TRIAL, FOR DORCHESTER
COUNTY DOGS ONLY.

The Dorchester County Game and
Fish Protective Association will hold
a field trial near Cambridge, Tues
day, Dec. Is, for bird dogs owned in
the county, not less than thirty days
prior to Dec. 18th, to be run in two
classes, first a free-for-all, and an
other class for dogs under two years
old. A cash prize of SIS for each
class will be given to the winner. We
will have competent judges on hand.
Boys, come out and bring your brag
dogs; no charge for entries. Make
your entries at once, and state class
you wish to enter in, to the commit
tee. All persons having dogs to en-
ter ter, will aa.p,s pleas ARRANGEMENTS st nasa
p G.. Hicks.
n Henry.
Frank Butler.
Radcliffe Jones.
Adv. TAT. b. TIT.
The daily banner. (Cambridge, Md.) 1897-2008, 1914-12-09
SCHOOL HOLDS get !
TOGETHER NEE.
Students At Vienna Academy Rt
Attractive Literary Program
A delightful "get together

A delightful "get together"
ing of the citizens and High Sc
personnel was held in the asser
hall of the Vienna Academy Thhk
day evening, Dec. 8, at 7.30, and
ter a very attractive literary
gram, lasting until about %
o'clock, the meeting was called
order by Prof. Albert c. Lutz, in
absence of Mr.. J. W. T. Webb, ch|
man of the temporary organizat
and who, on account of illness,
not able to be present.
Mayor LeCompte was elected
the chair, and presided during IL
evening. The constitution and b.
laws of the tentative organizatio
were accepted from the Executi1
Committee appointed at the la!
meeting, and after being read by a
ticle and section, were adopted.
The officers elected were: .
President, Mayor Lloyd S. L.
Compile.
Vice-Presidents - VIM. T. Pos
Harry, Brattan, Mrs. Lloyd LeCoE.
pte, Mrs. zEdw. E. Lamkin.
Secretary-Hon. Winfield Wei
ster.
Asst. Sec'y.-Miss Vii Ninia TUT
man. =. ~
Observation-Disclosures
Asst. Treas.-O1in Hig
League Superyisor-P
C. Lutz.
The name of the organ
''The Vienna High Scha,
ment League" its purposS l.ll - !l!
a general way to bring abo
er and more united intere
the patrons and citizens of \
munity, and specifically to p 80
the welfare of the Vienna School.
~The attendance was excellent, an
even larger audiences are expect
in the future, the first roll call n
bering more than fifty members
The following literary prog
was rendered:
Song, Our Banner-School.
Recitation-Mary Murphy.
Solo-Florenca Manning. Y
Composition, Fashions-Harlan,
LeCompte.
Chorus, God Is My Refuge-Schoo
Reading-Olga Kemp.
Solo-Louisa benson.
Recitation-Lavada Hackett.
Instrumental duet-Louise Hig
gins and Ruth Gullette.
Debate-Resolved, that MarylaI
should have compulsory education-
Affirmative, Edwina Wright and An
ton Snaarl regAtixe--,A-6a HS.s.z6*
and Reese Dean.
Song, My Country. 'Tis of Thee!
School.
A closing address was then mad
by Prof. Lutz, extending to the com
munity and the public in general, ;
cordial invitation to attend the en-
tertainments and meetings of tn
League, and bring with them thei
friends from far and near, afte
which the meeting adjourned unit
Thursday evening, Dec. 10, at 7.30.
The daily banner. (Cambridge, Md.) 1897-2008, 1914-12-09

Money talks! Here you find
great values, on account of our great
purchasing power Phillips Hdw. Co.
-Adv, 5-1W
The daily banner. (Cambridge, Md.) 1897-2008, 1914-12-09

Here you find great assortments
of table cutlery, pocket knives, scis-
sors and razors. Phillips Hdw. Co.
ADV. 5-1w.
The daily banner. (Cambridge, Md.) 1897-2008, 1914-12-09

Top robes for carriage and auto;
horse blankets and horse goods, at
Phillips Hdw. Co.-Adv. 5-1w.
The daily banner. (Cambridge, Md.) 1897-2008, 1914-12-09

BE progressive; to deal with us
means progress. Phillips Hdw. Co.
ADV. 5-1w.
The daily banner. (Cambridge, Md.) 1897-2008, 1914-12-09

Table cutlery, pocket cutlery,
carving sets, scissors and razors.
Phillips Hdw. Co.-Adv. 5-1w.
The daily banner. (Cambridge, Md.) 1897-2008, 1914-12-09

gFsters And Confectionery.
81 lilies supplied with strictly
5ass oysters, by the pint. quart
ION; also scalds.-Mace Frazi-
It.. Cambridge. Md.
n
The daily banner. (Cambridge, Md.) 1897-2008, 1914-12-09
Business Oppor-
tunitieS

wOMEN-Sell guaranteed hosiery to
friends, neighbors and general wear
ers; 20 per cent. profit; make $40 daily;
experience unnecessary. International
Mills. West Philadelphia 11-16-lm.
The daily banner. (Cambridge, Md.) 1897-2008, 1914-12-09
For Rent

FOR RENT-Six room house on Will
lis ST. Apply to w. H. Leonard q co.
12-7-tf.
The daily banner. (Cambridge, Md.) 1897-2008, 1914-12-09

Skates, sleds, air rifles, cat
rifles. Phillips Hdw. Co.-Adv. 5-1w.
The daily banner. (Cambridge, Md.) 1897-2008, 1914-12-09

TOR SALE-House and lot No. 219 High street
this property fronts 81 feet on High 81; anG
runs back $50 feet has room house, and will
be sold at very reasonable figure. Apply to
S. w. Lithicum, r. F. d. No. S. Cambridge, Md
S-5-u
The daily banner. (Cambridge, Md.) 1897-2008, 1914-12-09

FOR RENT-Residences 11S Muir St.
and Is Water St Apply to Goldsboro-
ugh & Fletcher 11-272w.
The daily banner. (Cambridge, Md.) 1897-2008, 1914-12-09
-TOr~Sase

WOOD FOR SALE-Oak. $3.50 and
$500; cut pine. $3.50; sawed pine, 50
per cord. all IT. lengths. Also coai
in all sizes, and stove wood. J. ii.
Waller, Phone SO. 1Z-1-tI.
The daily banner. (Cambridge, Md.) 1897-2008, 1914-12-09

FOR RENT-New house on Willis
ST., rooms, bath and all modern i'm
uay. 11-12-tf.
FOR RENT-Riverside Cottage,
rooms, with 1h acres nice trucking
land. Delightful location. right on the
water. Possession Jan. l, 1915. Apply
to Robert c. Tubman. GLASGOW Manor.
The daily banner. (Cambridge, Md.) 1897-2008, 1914-12-09
Lost and Found

Here you find what you want.
Phillips Hdw. Co.-Adv. 5-1w.
The Hattiesburg news. (Hattiesburg, Miss.) 1908-1917, 1914-01-30

an, concerning the house resolution
of Wednesday, in which the legisla-
ture. was asked to investigate his &C.
ton in allowing an attorney fee of
$4,000 in connection with bank fail
ure.
- That the probability of a constitL-
tional convention has by no means
died out was indicated today when the
house committee on constitution IA
vorably reported the Simmons bills
providing for the holding of consti-
tutional convention next August. Al
though the own resolution providing
that a proposition be submitted to a
vote of the people was defeated Mr..
Simmons has high hope that his bill
will be passed.
The Hattiesburg news. (Hattiesburg, Miss.) 1908-1917, 1914-01-30
MONEY FOR STOCK;
CHILDREN neglected

Kansas City, Jan. 30.-"For all the
money spent to improve our wheat,
cattle and business industries, hardly
a dollar is laid aside to assist the boy
who has been handicapped for want
of proper parental care" said Gov
Geo. H. Hodges, of Kansas, address
ing Thursdays session of the South.
western Lumbermen Association on
the topic Father and Son."
Our country is money mad" he
said. I'm our efforts to accumulate
wealth we neglect the duties we owe
our future citizens, the small boys.
Governor Hodges read statistics
from the Kansas Industrial School
for Boys at Topeka, showing that OF
the 325 boys there. % used intoxicat
ing liquors, los used tobacco, 55 had
drinking fathers, and the parents of
70 had separated after domestic up
heavals.