The Washington herald., 1914-03-03
Statesmen. Real and Near.
BY FRED c. KELLY,

Iner Of disbursements In Washington.
whitaere, OF Ohio. was all snaried up
and disgusted with his job while ago
because he says II Is difficult for Con-
lgressman to hold his job and be In
lteilectually honest Metz. OF New York,
Twas similarly vexed with the seniority
rule on committees. He declared that un-
Hess a man has been here for yahs and
Iyahs and thereby obtained a COMMITTEES
appointment OF Importance. he Ii nothing
but a rubber stamp.
So Il goes. Still others are disconsolate
lover the human inability to MI all the
opportunities. and some look as II they
were about to sob themselves to death
because they have only life apiece to
give TO their country.
/ None of these things, however. is tho
main source Of worry or anxiety to Rep
preventative Frank Park, who came up
from Southern Georgia a little while ago
Ito MI the unexpired term Of the late
Representative Rodenbery.
What perplexes Park here In the
Capital OF our great nation is the dif-
nculty OF getting the things he likes
to eat.
Ever since he came to Washington mis-
life has been made a bugbear by Yankee
bread" as he calls 1t.
Seems like ] just CANT get used to
it," he says. 1T runs about a foot Or
a foot and half long to the loaf and is
only about four inches in diameter. The
crust is about an inch thick and as hard
as plank. You could take loaf of the
stun and knock down a horse with u.
Though the center Of the loaf Is a soft.
damp white kernel and II you were %
eat that Il would be just like putting
50 much putty into your stomach. The
funny thing Is that II seems to be the
only kind Of bread they have around
hotels"
Park yearns for some good old Georgia
con bread and a bit Of Southern pork.
He got up from the hotel table the other
day and went at once to a telegraph
station 10 wire for some water ground
con meal" and couple Of sides of wire
grass shoats." 10 be rushed here by parcel
post.
Water ground corn meal, Park ex-
plains, is corn meal that ia ground
slowly by water power. When you grind
by steam power the mill runs so rapidly
that the stones get hot and all the goode
Is cooked out OF the meal before il
reaches the consumer.
wire grass shoat' Is simply a litsIe
raZor-back pig that has been running In
the wire-grass and then fattened up
Lit on cowpeas and the like.
Park has been fortunate all his life in
that he has not had occasion until now
| to be about city hotels Since he has
been living at hotels in Washington he
has constantly maryeled at things-even
aside from the horrors OF Yankee
| bread
| It's extra 'dinary.' he SAYS how
long il takes a waiter to bring you any
thing to eat. But I hit on a scheme TO
| hurry him up. I give him a little money
now and then. And. sab. you'd he sur
prised what a difference it makes!"
Then there's the matter of sweet po-
| tatoes- IL II were just possible to get
| sweet potatoes cooked by car" the way
they cook 'em down in Sylvester. Ga.
Park might struggle through the rest OF
| the Yankee dishes-but. as he explains
the don't seem to be a thing up In this
pat of the country cooked the way the
| Almighty planned for IL to be cooked"
Park is a quantity lovabIe old chap,
and Is always trying TO do something for
! the uplift Of his fellow man. II he knew
any way to free the North from Yankee
cooking. he would gladly do IT, For
| several summers he has conducted a
school down in his own country. to teach
| reading and writing to grown-up white
| folks who never had a chance to learn
when they were young He furnishes
| old-fashioned blue back spoilers, and
leaves his legal work to take charge per-
sonally OF the teaching. The school runs
In the summer. or as they put 1t down
| Parks way, from roastin' ear to hard
! corn time
h. haA
Of Georgia for two years. Park left col
lege TO 20 TO work. but the faculty a
little later on conferred the degree Of
master OF arts upon him, a thing they
had never done before except when a
student had taken the full course In
Parks case they did IL not SO much be-
cause he was a brilliant student. but
simply because he had endeared himself
TO the faculty, and they desired TO ex-
press their regard for him.
When he was about to come to Con-
gress recently, a friend of his sent in
his biography for the Congressional Di-
rectory, and mentioned that he carried
an A. NJ. degree. As soon as Park
learned this. he was much concerned and
! rushed a telegram to overtake the biog-
raphy. and have it made clear that he
had not really earned any college de-
gree.
Il wouldn't want any one to think"
said he. that I'm more of scholar than
really am
When Senator William S. Kenyon was a
yOungster In school. he had an examina-
tion in geography one day that was ex-
tremely difficult One OF the hardest
questions was: Name four animals that
inhabit the polar regions"
Kenyon thought OF polar bears and
seals and that was all. For the life of
him he couldn't recall another one-not
even a walrus. After racking his brain
until he was half distracted he finally
answered the question as follows:
"A polar bear and three seals"
Copyright. 1914. by Fred G. Kelly. All rights
reserved.l