The Washington herald., 1914-03-01


about Gag shows to get to Jersey City. Are you
hep?"
Mike laughed aIt's the old story, my boy; we're
a sad bunch of plowboys this old farm of a world
when haven't little mazuma in the vest pocket.
I've got new bit of recitation spiel cooked up last
night when | couldn't sleep. lis called Knock and
the World Knocks With You" and III put you jerry
to it right now before it gets coldL
Knock and the world knocks with you,
Boost and you boost alonei
When you roast good and loud
You will find that the crowd
Has hammer as big as your own
Buy and the gang is with you;
For the lad with the thirst
Will you first
II you don't proceed to coughl
Be rich and the push will praise you,
Be poor ard they'll pass the ice,
You're a warm young guy
When you start to buy
You're slob when you lose the pricel
Be flush and your friends many,
Co broke and they'll say Ia, tai
While your bank account burns
You will get returns
When it's out you will get the Hal
Be CAV and the mob will cheer you,
They'll shout while your wealth endures;
Show I fearful lamp
And you'll them tramp
And its back to the woods for yoursl
There's always a bunch to boost you
While al your money they glance;
But you'll find them all gone
On that cold gray dawn
When the fringe arrives on your pants!
you've got the game of life sized to a showdown
was the Juveniles comment.
At this point Jabe, the Rube bartender, pointed
freckled finger Mike and buted in with: "Ssy, you
be :he fat that cut up with that troupe at the
Op'ry House last night, been't ye:"
No I'm the skeleton with circus" Nike
81. b,r+, dei i,oht
You don't look how you took much exercise"
snickered Jabe.
But l do take exercise Oh, me for that exercise
thing. good and strong!" protested Mike.
What kind of exercise do you take?' Jsbc in
qurcd
We'll" Mike answered, "every morning I swing
the clubs for fifteen minutes, then the dumbbes for
ten minutes then about three mies-and then
get up and eat my breakfast"
Jabe gufawed loudly over this bit of fscetious-
"I was at the Op'ry House last night" Jabe in
formed them, and most laughed myself sick to the
stomach this yere fat tskn' off that Dutch po
liceman-ha ha, ha haI' Jabe looked at the Juvenile
you was putty good too he admitted, 'takn' off
that newspaper reporter and rescun the girl from the
burnin structure but you didn't do funny fall and
bust your galusses like this yer fat cuss-ha, ha.
ha, hai'
Get him to unhook the laugh; he's good steady
listener whispered the Juvenile and Mike started in.
Fine town. this Mike began. "An the modern
improvements, eh? Cows nickel plated bells.
streets paved with grass, and the river has running
water
"Ha, ha, hs, hal Jabe roared.
Reminds me of place struck in Mis-
souri, last winter" Mike on Same style of pub
lie architecture, especially the pump. But the
hotel there the hit with II called the Dec
laration of independence because the proprietor had
married EnolishWou1an and wanted to he
At supper time / ordered steak, and they brought
me leather hinge covered with gravy, so l got up
to add an amendment the Declaration of Independ-
ence The head waiter eX-puglist, so he put
the boots to and covered my amendment with
bruises. Then he made eat the leather hinge, and
for two weeks | felt like garden gate and l used
to slam every time the wind blew"
Jabe's laugh shook the building
"The proprietor OF that hotel was so patriotic"
Mike continued that he wouldn't number the
like any ordinary hotel Every named in
honor OF President of the United States. That
ing there happened to be rush while l standing
the desk and heard the clerk say Front, show
these gentlemen up to John Quincy Adams and tell
the porter TO take that trunk of the slcove in
Thomas Jefferson. Front, go and put down that win
dow in Rutherford B. Hayes, and, here, take this .
whisky up Abraham Lincoln Front, what's all that
racket in James Buchanan? Here take these cigars
U. S. Grant, and turn off the gas in Teddy Roose-
vet.' But nearly tainted when he said, Front
sofa into James A. Garfield and take this lady up
to George Washington
Mortal CaeSarl Ha, ha ha, hal roared Jabe
"Daggone if that amt funny you fat cussr'
When ! quit them to make my train Mike had
finger marks the side of the black bottle and
Jabe had signed verbal to go on the stage
the Juveniles dresser.
All of which goes to prove that Splashburg ism,
so bad proyided don't have Il wait very long