The Washington herald., 1914-02-24
KNOCK, 0HKNOCk,
KNOCK, OH KNOCK.
Those Knights Of Momus Give
Something in the Way
of a Banquet.
LEGISLATORS AS MARKS
Dignitaries from Capitol Hill Receive
and Give in Return Many
Choice Raps.
LEGISLATORS AS MARKS
by IRWIN BARBOUR.

Daniele. the head waiter up at
Rauschers, said il was a large night, and
Daniele ought to know because he has
officiated and gathered in the tips at
many large nights in the most metropol-
itan cafes both here and abroad.
Daniele's real name is Dan Mcfarland
and he got his early training in dear old
dirty Dublin. but who ever heard OF
calling a head waiter Dan? II isn't done.
But anyway, Daniele is judge of large
nights and that's what he said the
Knockers had. Now il We respected the
best traditions of the newspaper busi-
ness we wouldn't write anything like
this. The city editorial city editors
and they're a strange tribe-says: Tell
the news in the first paragraph" So II
we weren't seeped with the joy which
ran free at that Knockers banquet we'd
start off something like this:
''The Knights of Momus-they call
themselves the Knockers-and they are.
held. banquet last night in Rauscher's
EaIl. \ pleasant time was had by al"
Smith Opens Ball. 20
From the oyster cocktail--a regular
cocktail preceded tito the demi tasse,
joy was unrestrained, as they say in
books At each plate was copy OF
the 'Digressional Record"-just like
the Congressional OF the same name,
only different. Different because the
distinguished and sober-sided repre-
sentatives Of the common pee-pul were
made to say thing that maybe they
wanted to say but never did. 1t wasn't
for home consumption.
As soon as the demi tasse and Camem-
bert had been disposed of the hammers
began TO fly. With a large sigh Of con-
tent rubbing the hands over the various
containers OF braised Smithfeld ham au
Madere, Terrine of Chicken Milanaise,
and Roasted Bird au Cresson, the diners
sat back to enjoy the proceedings Frank
Smith started the ball rolling. He's
president OF the Knockers.
Old Bard figures.
Things began to happen thick and
fast. The diners, the guests, the Gov
eminent Printing Office, from which the
majority Of the Knockers come-theyr re
gentry of the stick and ruIe-the admins
tration; i'm fact everything under the sun
went under the hammer. Thomas A
Bynum, past president and toastmaster,
had his little word TO say. the quartet
sang few songs-"we Won't Get Home
Until Morning." and nobody did. at least
not until the milk wagons began to rat
tIe-then came the star stunt" of the
evening, Shakespeare up TO date"
From the far recesses of the hall arose
a person representing Representative
Jerry Donovan, of Connecticut Mr..
Donovan, it will be recalled. is the gen.
tIeman who tried to cut off Representa-
tive Richmond Pearson Hobson's salary,
claiming his Chautauqua receipts ought to
be enough for any one man.
Enter Two Principals.
Beware. Oscar, beware" said the
putative Donovan to an equally putative
ner. Noble Oscar. Chautauquas done
and Hobson is returning"
Prudence, Jerry. prudence" Under
wood whispered, 1.-THE anger spot doth
glow on Richmond's brow, Clayton
cheek is pale and Champus Clark doth
look with such fiery eyes as when the
Great Commoner did cross his Presi-
Dental boom. Oh, Jerry. 1 have known
the days when tempests ragged, when
tariff thunders shook these mighty walls,
but never have / faced a Prohibition
sailor'-it was from Julius Caesar" and
represented the Knockers idea of the
Senatorial race between the Democratic
monitor and the much-kissed hero of the
Merrimac.
Grape Juice Brings Peace.
Enter ''Hobson' in a hurry. Oscar.
YOU have, forsooth, been but a dummy
you" |
Richmond, be content. I do know you |
well. Before the eyes of Jim Mann and
his bunch of has-beens-who should re-
ceiyc nothing but love from us-let US
not wrangle. We will call a party eau
Gus, then in its sacred precincts enlarge |
your griefs, and 1 will give you audi |
cnce.'
You have wronged me-" Grieved Hob |
son. You have condemned me for foster !
ing Senatorial aspirations wherein your
claims should be looked upon as sacred"
Richmond, you Overrate yourself to |
even think that you could win in such !
contest"
And so the merry battle waged back
and forth. Frank II. Long taking the |
part of Donovan" Frank Smith that Of |
Underwood" and Maurice Jarvis that |