The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1914-05-24
His lady lot

Of every young freshman who
IL goes to school and acquires
offices and notice and various
Kinds of success in his class when ma
ture gives way under the strain Just be-
hind his ears, and the consequences are
horrible in the extreme. | know be-
cause ] was that kind OF freshman
and had that kind of trouble and |
was operated upon for it by my elders
and betters.
1t was "a successful operation. Most
Of them are. But 1t makes me writhe
still 10 think of IT, OF all the cruelties
on this savage old earth the custom
OF operating upon a freshman for do
mus balloonicus without giving him
ether is the most heartless and inhu-
man. The Humane Society ought to
broaden its scope a very little so that
II could take in freshmen and give
them the protection it is lavishing on
the dumb varieties of animals.
Looking back from this period of
ripper wisdom can see every excuse
for the freshman whose hatband breaks
with a loud crack along in the winter
term. Freshmen are young-some of
them inconceivably young. The bones
OF the head, YOU know. are soft and
the stern resisting power of the older
noodle cases
You take a seventeen year-old fresh
nan with wide sutures in his green young
skull and III his'hcad fun Of compliments
and responsibilities and admiration and
success; churn these all up and mix
them with a few cigarettes and a lit
tie spare time in which to think about
himself. and what is the result? The
mess begins 10 ferment and put a pres
sure on the skull. And what happens
then? That young chaps head begins
10 expand and swell and get vast and
buihous and fun of gas. and it leaks
down into his conversation, and pres
emily he Is firmly convinced that IL you
were TO set him in the centre Of dark
est Africa and let him talk for "A few
hours the monkeys would be wearing
dark glasses and quoting Latin.
1t isn't the freshman's fault. It's
disease of his youth. ! have no pa
thence with the people who think that
when young fellow Of IS gets To
making funny noises about himself and
stands around on the horizon waiting
Tor science to come and determine his
height by triangulaton he is going to
he lifelong annoyance and ought to
be drowned like a superfuous puppy.
II isn't the first time In his life that
he has been loud and unnecessary, and
II he goes into politics 1t will not be
the last time
or course, he Is a very great nuisance,
and am in favor of compelling him to
go around with his head in "A grain sack
for about six months. But he will get
over II; and he has a better chance in
college than anywhere else, because the
upper class men in college have studied
this matter ana have given it their
careful attention.
Let a young man who is trying to
wear one of the rings of Saturn for
hathand escape from college into the
world in this condition and it will prob
ably kick him to death trying To cure
HIM But leave him in school for a few
months and at the end of this time. II
he has not been overlooked and has had
proper care and treatment, he will be
wearing a thimble for q skull cap and
1t will be coming down over his ears at
that.
Before had attended Siwash College
three months ! had mislaid my shyness
and modesty and was a roaring I'M
mltigated nuisance. When considered
what ! had accomplished in those three
months felt so proud that it was dim-
cult for even me to imagine the respect
10 which was entitled.
] had come to Siwash, young, I'M
heralded, unknown, bashful timid
understood and ignorant. and l had, by
my own sterling worth and ability
forced immediate recognition. I was
president of my class. had led the
rooters through the football season and
had invented four new yells. had
made the banjo club. ] was mentioned
for cotillon leader.
] had gotten over my fear OF strange
girls and was so popular that 1t almost
broke my heart when I took young
lady to party to think of the blight
ing disappointment that would canker
in dozen gentle bosoms. ] belonged to
the finest frat in college-had chosen IL
myself after carefully considering the
merits Of other applicants. And ], a
freshman, was setting the fashions In
my crowd and in school, and was being
pointed out as one of the sights of the
campus 10 strangers.
The president spoke to me by name
The college paper joked about my in
iu' nee. Siwash was a better college