davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-10-09
LUKE M'LUkE SAYS

From the Cincinnati Enquirer.
 At 25 man is trying to show his vast knowledge. At 75 he is trying to con- ceal his vast ignorance.
 When friend wife starts in to econo- mize she can't see why friend husband pays 50 cents for necktie when she can get one just as good for 1a cents. So friend wife brings home a tie that would stop Yaqui Indian snake dance and compels friend husband to wear it. And friend husband has to spend about S4.9o for drinks to numb his nervous system so he can remain in the same neighbor- hood with the bargain tie.
 The fury of woman who gets into trouble and sees her name printed in the scorn of the woman who gives a party and finds that her name is not printed in the papers.
 A girl always has an idea that mar riage is vacation until she tries it, and then she discovers that it is a vocation.
 When boy wants to play ball. 1t rains for week. And when he gets new raincoat. it won't rain for week. And men are only grown boys. The reason why a mother knows that her son is going to be a great captain of industry is because he has dimple in each cheek
 Sheer up. 1T you never 1tched you would not know how good 1t feels to scratch.
 A man can look at a woman on the
 other side of the street and seeehat she l is wearing a black dress, and that lets him out. But woman can take a look l and tell you what the material is, how
 much yard it cost, and whether silk or
 cotton thread was used in making it. The old-fashioned boy who was ticlxlei l to death to get goat and a set of har- ness now has son who turns up his nose at four cylinder .unabout aru wants a six-cylinder roadster. If castles in the air brought in rert es cry princess would be worth millions As soon as man finds out that hs can-kiss a woman he quits wanting to.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-10-09
IN ALABAMA SANCTUMS
.AIabanln Brain
Ie Mobile Item.

From the Mobile Item.
 Alabama has been fortunate under the regime of President Woodrow Wilson in appointments to positions of trust of her citizens. The latest to receive recogni- ton at the hands of the executive was Hon. Richard w. Walker of Huntsville. named to the bench of the United States Fifth circuit. Others who have been se- leeted as an evidence of recognition of worth of Alabama's sons for fitness to occupy high place are such men as Hon. Peter Joseph Hamilton of Mobile as fed eral judge in Porto Rico; Hon. E. K Campbell of Birmingham, as chief jus tice of the federal court of claims at Washington, and w. P. G. Harding of Birmingham as a member of the federal reserve board. Certain it is that these men were not selected by President Will son as a mere compliment, but because of their eminent fitness for the positions.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-10-09
THE REJUyENATOR

From the St. Lotus Globe-Democrat.
 George Ade, at a weekend party at Hazelden Farm, his splendid estate at Brook, Ind, discsused womens fashions over his after-dinner coffee and cigars.
 "Womens fashions in 19l4,'' he said. ''are a revelation. Sculptors and painters don't need to study in the life class any more. Every fashionable woman is. as 1t were, d model-physically, mean. not morally.
 T met a leading lady in Broadway in a very stunning gown of the new fash ion-slashed, decollete, transparent, and all that sort of thing. l congratulated her on her appearance. and she said:
 just love these new gowns They make me feel so girlish, George. Every time man looks at me blush !"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-10-09
The .Upliftv In Hax,np

T have just received a letter from a student at the university" said a grad uate of that institute yesterday ''in which l am told that the members of the upper classes have signed an agreement not to haze freshmen in the good old democratic way, that is, with a strap, on condition that the freshmen on all occa- sions wear a little green cap bearing the self-explanatory letter F.
 Under the old plan, it very often hap pened that senior became warmly at tached to a freshman. At the present time, when freshman is so lacking in spirit as to wear forever badge of ser vility, of course an upper classman can have for him little save contempt.
 'I regret that a number of uplifters' have within the last 10 years been suc- cessful in their schemes to take the spirit out fthe youth of Alabama. Is it to be wondered that Alabama is rated in the second or third class when athletic rivalry is considered? Who ever heard of an in- stitution winning a football game when it's freshman support submits to that Iit- tie green cap outrage?"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-10-09
The smooth Temnter

From the Demopolis Times.
 The Montgomery society ladies are discussing the wearing of all-cotton ap- parel at the governors inaugural ball. Make the dresses all white, plain and sim pie, and they will present spectacle worth riding hundreds of miles to wit ness. The Times is not very close to the governor, but we will, with the per mission of the Thomasville Echo, pledge a real sweet kiss from the governor to every lady who will adopt the cotton costume for that occasion.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-10-09
Brewer-vardaman Break

"A break has occurred between Gov
 ernor Brewer and Senator Vardaman of
 Mississippi" said a member of the Mis-
 sissippi colony last night. T am glad
 of it. Mississippi needs little excite
 ment jut now when the business depres-
 ison is having it's effect Of course, no
 one considers a break between politicians
 a matter of grave moment. break gen. erally occurs when politicians think a
 break necessary for their political well fare.
 Tt started in simple way. It seems that Brewer remarked in hearing of a reporter that Lieutenant Governor Dilbo was a crook. and that Vardaman knew he was a crook. The reporter published that statement in the form of an inter- view. Vardaman, in hot reply, charged that Brewer was in violation of common
 proprieties, inasmuch as according to the senators contention, the governor had not
 been commissioned to speak for him Brewer replied in card equally as warm
 admitted that he had made the assertion and endeavored to prove that Vardamar did know that Bilbo was a crook Up to the present time Bilbo has not taken a hand in the squabble."
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-10-09
ASKING THE IMPOSSIBLE.

Well be glad to handle your account" said the receiving teller, If you will promise to keep not less than s1OO on de- posit all the time.p
 Good gracious,'' exclaimed Mir Hall- roomer. T merely wanted to put the fruit of my self-denial in a safe place until could find something suitable to spend 1t fof. have no desire to become capb taiist,"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-10-09

Just to show how well their patients be- haved when not under restraint, the off cials of an insane asylum in Illinois gave dinner to the inmates and invited guests The result was rough house and a room full of broken plates, shattered mugs and sore heads.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-10-09
important for success in warfare-as the

important for success in warfare-as the course of the present conflict goes to prove two of the greatest generals in history were notably bad shots. The only time Napoleon went out game shooting he killed one of the dogs, and Wellington s record on similar occasion proved even worse.
 Lady Shelby records in her diary on September 8, 1S19 when the duke was staying at her place in Sussex, that she accompanied the guns in the afternoon. ''The hero of Waterloo was very wild shot. After wounding a retriever and later on peppering keepers gaiters. he sprinkled the bare arms of an old woman who chanced to be washing clothes at her cottage window. My good woman,' I said, this ought to be the proudest mo- ment of your life. You have had the dis tinction of being shot by the Duke of Wellington. Her face was wreathed In smiles as the contrite duke slipped gold coin into her hand"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-10-09
An Age-HernId Echo

From the Mobile Register.
 Hilary Herbert Holmes of Tensaw, sem atorial nominee from the Twenty-first district, says he favors allowing the people to tax themselves for educational purposes. He Is for new constitution also, and verys general reform for the sake of economy in public administration. We predict that he will make favorable impression upon the public mind by his course in the senate.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-10-09
For Home Missions

From the Collinsville Courier.
 Superintendent Feagin of the state de- partment of education reports that one of every dozen Alabama children of school age is illiterate. Here's work for home missionaries.-Gadsden Journal.
 Yes, it seems to a man up tree that we could use the money that we pay to our missionaries to the heather, to better advantage right here in Alabama.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-10-09
"Iiars May Etgure-

From the Selma Times
 Virginia, by voting out the saloon. 1t is said, sacrificed an annual revenue of $539,00o, but according to the figuring of the Anti-saloon league it will save ss2s,- 900 on the theory that Al per cent of the pauperism, 35 per cent of the insanity and 85 per cent of the crime is due to liquor. We question whether these figures are susceptible of such precise calculation
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-10-09

If King Albert should resign from his office after the war is ended and become candidate for his job again, we feel sure that he would be elected by an over whelming vote.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-10-09
More Blind Tigers

From the West Ala bamian.
 Crime does not appear to be on the de- crease in this county, and will not as long as the blind tiger fiourishes. And the blind tiger that needs running down is the white man that is supplying the ne- gro.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-10-09

It is proposed to make Gotham cops act as lampighters in addition to their other duties. Policemen already haze to call up headquarters or a substation at stated Intervals and perform other routine duties. After awhile a policeman's job will no longer be a cinch and a sinecure
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-10-09

Russian invaders of the Kaiser's im- periai estate in East Prussia are said to be compelling his cooks to prepare them sumptuous meals. If they are wise, the Russians will also make the Kaiser's cook taste those meals before sitting down to gorge
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-10-09
FINICKY AMAzoNs.

How about this regiment of Amazons you were going to organize, general?'
 It fell through. We got together 300 women. but before they would march to the front they insisted on being supplied with 6s7 different brands of face powder and 1900 bottles of toilet water"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-10-09

Germans make fun of Englishmen for but the little girl in Paris who lost her legs when a German bomb was dropped from the sky fails to see the joks
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-10-09
A Worthy Cause

From the Tuscaloosa .Times-Gazette. This paper hopes that the next legis- lature can see its way clear to devise some meanssto help the families of con victs. The system as now practiced pun ishes the families worse than it does the convicts themselves.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-10-09
BEGINNING THE DAy.-Grant

BEGINNING THE DAY.-Grnnt me pause, 0 Lord, my God, before inc noble mysteries of life. May | not prattle as if they were not May I not rush in as If their doors opened to every nasty hand. May l walk in awe and humility. knowing that Thou and I and all are but names of unsearchable mysteries. Amen H. M. E.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-10-09
fIirminrham,s Needs

From the Gadsden Times-News.
 The Times-News respectfully suggests that Birmingham may employ Gadsden's s retiring police force with advantage. The need of a new police force in the Magic City is evident.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-10-09
wiu rbey Becomc M,I,topt.,

From the Cadsden Journal.
 Some the new Alabama legislators are dodging the woman suffrage question. Others, who have announced their opposi- ton to it. will be lodging the women later.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-10-09

The Kentucky warden who wants to is carrying a good thing too far. There is middle ground between torturing and pampering.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-10-09
Was Water to BIamer

From the Hamilton County News.
 The taking of the prisoners from the Marion county jail to Russelville was from the public we'll in the courtyard from which the prisoners drank is as pure as water can be, and comes up from the earth a distance of over AGO feet, and is used by all our people and has been the means of making Hamilton a healthy town.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-10-09

If Colonel Harvey and President Wilson can bury their differences, why can't the warning powers get together for some thing else beside bloodshed?
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-10-09
ADRIFT WITH THE TIMES
GONE BUT NOT FORGOTTEN.

GONE BUT NOT FORGOTTEN. l Knew a certain citizen
 " no wouldn't take a drink: iie wouldn't smoke, he wouldn't swear, He wouldn't even think -oa many sorts of wickedness
 That other men commits Among the uitra-pious folk
 lie seemed to make a hit
 uprose day after day. III 1s enurch ne Joined the singing when The organ gan to play. or years he led a model life. But when away he went ne saVings bank he'd organized Was left without a cent,
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-10-09
A POKER DEvoTEE.

'Dingburn says he reads everything that comes into his hands,"
 That oughtn't to take him long, "Why not?'' Its mostly hearts, clubs. spades and diamonds
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-10-09

Recent movie" pictures of General Villa indicate that he hasn't yet fallen into the hands of first-class tailor.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-10-09
We'll Known visitors

Among well known Alabamians visiting Birmingham yesterday, were John S. Mooring, chairman; Henry P. White, as- sociate member, and Murray White. sec retary of the state tax commission; ]. R. Brown of Cullman, democratic nominee for associate justice of the appellate court; Col. F. E. St. John of Cullnlan, democratic nominee for the state senate. and Paul Stevenson. capitol reporter for the Montgomery Advertiser
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-10-09
WELL! WELL

Grandma has laid her Bible down, She can't abide the preacher; She wants to learn the tango and
 She's hired a chap to teach her.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-10-09

Jefferson Levy gracefully offers to give up Monticello, provided Uncle Sam is will ing to give up $5oo,0oo.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-10-09

Berlin is calm, Paris and London are fairly conservative, but Petrograd's war reports are the most optimistic ever.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-10-09

The Kaiser at the front literally enjoys all the comforts of home. at the expense of somebody else
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-10-09
GREAT GENERALS POOR SHOTS

From the Pall Mall Gazette.
 Curicus.y enough, although good shoot ing on the palt of the rank and file is all
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-10-09

No matter what sort of a title man may have, if he doesn't make good on the firing line his name is Dennis.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-10-09

Considering the circumstances, the Japs and the Chinese are as polite to each other as could be expected.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-10-09

adelphan's shoulders. rest assured there will be no war
 And he spoke truly,
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-10-09
MODERN EDIre,Ar1nN

How is your little boy doing at school?'
 He gets a good mark in the toothbrush drill and stands first in the breathing class, but he doesn't seem able to learn arithmetic"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-10-09

If meat is a dollar a pound in Berlin, as reported, we wonder what is the price of frankfurters.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-10-09

Washington bureau. 207 Hibns build ing.
 European bureau, Henrietta street. Covent Garden, London.
 Eastern business office, Rooms AS 10 60 inclusive, Tribune building. New York city; Western business office, Tribune building, Chicago. The 5. C. Beckwith Special Agency. agents tor- eign advertising.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-10-09
WARFARE UP-To-DArE.

A soldier travelled to the front
 Aboard railroad train, And when he'd borne the battles brunt He travelled home again.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-10-09

In this glorious and well fo"shteh field, We kept together in our chiyalry.
 Henry Y.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-10-09

kemittances can be made al current rate of exchange. The AgeHerald will not be responsible for money sent through the mails. Address,
 THE AGE-HERALD,
 Birmingham. Ala
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-10-09
sCANTILY CLAD.

DO you see that stunning blonde over there in the fashionable gown? ..Yes."
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-10-09

A J. Eaton, Jr, 0. E. Young and W. H. Overbey are the only authorized travelling representatives of The Age Herald in it's circulation department.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-10-09

No communication will be published without it's authors name. Rejected manuscript will not be returned unless stamps are enclosed for that purpose.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-10-09

ONE OF THE kAISER'S BEST. Von Kluck's doughty fighter, And very hard to turn; His chances might be brighter, But fame he's sure to earn
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-10-09

Daily and Sunday Age Herald Ss.00 Daily aud Sunday, per month " Daily and Sunday, three months. 2VO Weekly AgeHerald. per annum. 20 Sunday Age-Herald .. 2.oO
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-10-09

r.nieleu al lne DIrning nsili Ala. postoffice as second class matter under act of Congress March 3. 1879.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-10-09
T call her my little bundle of love" "

You Will pardon me for saving SO. but fear your little bundle is imperfectly wrapped"
Polk County observer. (Monmouth, Polk County, Or.) 1888-1927, 1914-06-09
LOVE THY NEIGHBOR.

The demonstration of neighborly
goodwill by Dallas at Independence
last Friday should have the effect of
more closely cementing the two COM
munities socially, commercially and
otherwise, bringing both towns into
harmonious whole for the advance
ment of the material welfare of Polk
county. Our interests are, practically
speaking, identical, and a united
booster spirit can avail much toward
reaching the goal of increased develop
ment and greater prosperity. "In the
dear dead days of long ago" an anti
pathy that augured no good, existed to
some extent between the two towns,
but this has been eliminated with the
broadening of our view and each ap-
parently stands ready to render as
sistance to the other in important
matters of public concern. This is
as it should be.
Dallas had no mercenary motive i'll
insinuating her august presence upon
Independence. Its people considered
it an opportunity to express their ap-
probation of the enterprise and 60
aheaditiveness of their neighbors in
pulling off such a meritorious enter
tainment, and at the same time an
opportunity to renew acquaintance
ship and to more firmly bind communi-
ty friendship, an exemplification of
the modern way of building. indie
pendence was not unappreciative Of
this spirit, receiving its guests with
open arms, welcoming them to The
Hop City.
Polk County observer. (Monmouth, Polk County, Or.) 1888-1927, 1914-06-09
NEBULAR HYPOTHESIS.

World scientists are deeply inter-
ested in a report from Flagstaff, Ariz.,
to the effect that a Photographic dem
onstration has revealed that the neb-
ula of Virgo is rotating. The prim-
ary assumption is that if the sup
posed discovery at Flagstaff is upheld
by further investigation it goes to
show the correctness of the La Place
theory that the earth and the stars
we're formerly nebulous masses, de-
veloping into solid bodies through
long ages of movement and coming
together into solid form. The world
has before been at the point of ac-
cepting the fact reported from the
Flagstaff observatory, but had re-
garded previous demonstrations as in
conclusive. The information now be-
ing sent out is sensational to the
mind, and if fully sus-
tanned will advance the La Place the
ory from hypothesis to a good stage
of eorroboration.
Polk County observer. (Monmouth, Polk County, Or.) 1888-1927, 1914-06-09

there is in crossing the streets of the
average big city.
There also is another feature in
connection with these "shocking"
big disasters which is worthy of at
tention. Whenever there occurs a
single tragedy which snuffs out the
lives of several scores or hundreds of
human lives, the world stands aghast
at the horror of the situation and
loudly calls for regulations and safe
guards to prevent the repetition of
such calamities. Yet every day, and
on every hand, there pass almost un-
noticed by the public, innumerable
smaller tragedies, which, in the ag-
etegate, take more human life than
all the big accidents put together
In industrial accidents and pre-
ventable accidents of all kinds, with
preventable sickness and with num-
erous other things which daily and
continually entail needless sacrifice
of human life, there is to be found
a field that even more needs and de-
serves public attention than do the
larger accidents which singly roll up
a comparatively heavy casualty list.
Yet the latter always are the ones
which shock and disturb the serenity
of the public mind, even though their
cost in human life is far less than
the aggregate of single and separated
tragedies. But "the world" is COM
ing to understand that the small and
frequent accidents deserve attention
and remedies, no less than the larger
and less frequent disasters.
Polk County observer. (Monmouth, Polk County, Or.) 1888-1927, 1914-06-09
BILLION DOLLAR SUIT.

Federal Judge Dooling, of Califor
MIA, has just handed down his decision
in suit affecting the title to oil landI
in that state, estimated to be wortl
at least a billion dollars. By thi
decision the government-in Other
words the people of the United States
I-are losers to the extent suggested
while the Standard Oil company ant
the Midway Northern Oil company
are the benefciaries.
While the decision rendered may be
in accordance with the law, there al
least was good ground for an Opposite
contention, and the people therefore
will be interested in learning more
about this case, and more concern
ing the judge who has placed private
interests above the interests of the
general public. The lands in question
were exempted from entry in 1907,
by an executive order issued by Pres
ident Taft. The purpose of the latter
was to provide a source of oil supply
for the navy, and he unquestionably
used his own best Judgment and
doubtless also had good legal advice
to support his act. Later on congress
formally ratified his order, but in the
meantime it appears the oil company
interests "grabbed these lands and
made extensive developments. And
now an accommodating judge has up
held their action and decided that the
private interests may not be displaced
from their holdings.
To the average citizen this decision
will appear bit shady, and will fur
nish a fresh reminder that some
judges, even of the federal courts,
are too much inclined to favor private
private interests, at
least-over the interests and rights
of the general public. In the past
private interests have managed to
grab off" about everything worth
having, and in doing so they usually
had the support and assistance of
and the courts. And it
would almost seem that some of this
same kind of business still is going on,
and this gift of billion dollars in
oil land holdings to the big oil inter-
asts seems to furnish an example of
this kind.