Grand Forks daily herald., 1914-12-19
TOMMY ATKINS SWEARS As If SHOOTS.
JUST TO PROVE HIS FIGHTING SPIRIT
"Thank God" Said Officer to Horrifed Chaplain. Who
Heard Awful Oaths in the Trenches-"Agony Ads
of London Paper Only Humorous Feature of War

something in an emergency was shown
by private in a machine gun detach-
ment. His gun jammed for lack of
oil.
Leave it," ordered his lieutenant.
The oil is back with the wagons
four miles away
"Wat?" said the Tommy indignant
~. Leave 'er? Not 'alf."
Whereupon he fished around in his
haversack until he found box Of
! sardines. He cut a hole in it with his
bayonet, dripped the oil into tht guns
bearings. and went on shooting. The
! lieutenant says he thinks he'll ex-
Tommy shows his disgust at the off,
GERS lack of resource too plainly.
Nothing premeditatedly funny ever
happens in London. Sometimes things
are humorous that are not planned
that way. The other day young
"knut' stood in the entrance Of the
Piccadilly hotel, observing a most at
tractive young woman who was selling
flags for the Belgian relief fund. A
tall young man stepped up to her.
dropped half sovereign In the box,
tilted up her chin. kissed her, and
walked on. The girl took it as mat
ter of course.
I'll have bit Of that" said the
knut to himself. So he dropped half
a crown into the box, tilted up her
chin, leaned over to kiss her-and
was knocked down by the first young
man. The first young man was her
tiance. Which recalls the plant of
the indignant Briton in one of the
morning papers. The paper had been
conducting symposium upon the
cooking ability of English women.
The consensus Of opinion had been
that English women cannot cook.
How Hneo oS
manded the householder. Every one
in my home, from my wife to the
charwOman, is knitting socks for SOL
diers. They don't even try to cook"
Humor In Agony Ads.
His attitude is that Of the adver-
tiser in the agony column in one of
the morning papers. Agony ads cost
shillings in protesting against the re-
cent failure Of Englishmen to dress
for dinner.
Why should all the niceties Of life
be abandoned" he asked ''just be-.
cause war is going on? When one
goes into a west end restaurant one
might almost imagine oneself in
America"
That agony column, by the way.
supplies all the printed humor one
finds in London. Incidentally it
ahounds in cross sections of the ma
tional traits Officers ask "for the
loan of a pack of barriers or beagles,"
to be hunted by the resimental mess
until ordered abroad Other officers
ask competent strangers to undertake
the training Of bird dogs during the
owners absence with their regiments.
1t obviously seems to them a real
tragedy that dogs education might
be neglected because of the war. But
the best Of all-the very best Of all
is this calm request:
Much fatigued by overwork conse-
quent upon the war, young man would
be obliged for the LOAN of large
MOToRCAR with chauffeur) for
weekend trips
This advertiser doesn't even indi-
cate in what manner the war has so
fatigued him. 1t may be he has been
busy haberdashing. One never knows.
True humor is likewise discovered in
the recent action of the censor. The
German papers had printed long ac-
counts of the air raids upon the Zep-
peline sheds at F'riedrichshafen. The
censor for time refused to permit
this publication in the London papers.
lin heavens name, why?" demand
ed an indignant editor.
solemnly. might give military infor-
nation to the enemy"
Let us call in the Muse Of Poesy
to appropriately finish off this article.
Did you ever hear the new song of
the Australian soldiers, which occu-
pies position in their repertoire COM
parable to that Of "Tipperary' with
the English? Here is the refrain:
"Fellers Of Australia, blokes and coves
and coots,
Shift yer bloody carcasses, move yer
bloody boots;
Gird yer bloody loins up, get yer
bloody gun,
Set the bloody enemy, and watch the
--- run.
Get a bloody move on, have some
bloody sense,
Learn the bloody art Of self de-bloody
fense."
When your ideal Is shattered, save
the pieces! -. -