davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington herald., 1914-03-01
The End Of Uncle Ashdod

anything but authentic. BuI the cap
tam OF the cruiser said No, that his lot
of ashes was the right ores. because it
stood to reason that the more a man
died the deader he was. But the doc
tor of the Mary Jane said they was
both wrong; that unless a man died
with a certifcated doStor in attendance
you couldn't be sure ne was dead at all,
and that therefore his lot of ashes was
the right ones to take to the widow.
so" said Uncle Ashdod, they left
it to me to settle, and / says, Boys,
you are all right. All three of them
lots of ashes is authentic. and I'm as
authentic as any. 1t amt for me to de-
eide. What we ought to do is to go
up and let the widow make her own
choice. She's got to be widow to the
remains and she'd ought 70 have her
pick So we did. We lined up the
three professions and marched up to
Josephine's house
"And which did she pick" asked Sim
Perkins.
Well said Uncle Ashdod slowly,
'thc fact is that when we got to the
house it was shut up and so ! spoke to
a neighbor lady. Where's Mrs. ASH
The Washington herald., 1914-03-01

dod Clute?' says She's gone says
the neighbor lady. with the funeral, to
the cemetery, she says, to bury her late
husband, Cap'n Ashdod Clute' Well.
boys says, come alongl We might
as well bury the rest of my ashes and
make one job of it, So we did. At
first my widow semeJ surprised when
| stepped up to her and told her who
| was and that them friends of mina
had three lots OF my ashes, but she got
used to the notion. Then l asked her
where she got the lot of my remains
she was buryin' when we arrived.
"'Ashdod,' she says, L got tired
waitin' for you. Them is the ashes of
your remains the next time you die
And have you died the next time
YETI" asked Sim Perkins.
Not yet" said Uncle Ashdod.
WELL said Sim Perkins, you don't
need to wait any longer on my account
All / got to say is that man that's
been buried as often as you have ought
to stop talkin'.
And for the first time in his life
Uncle Ashdod was dumb.
THE END.
The Washington herald., 1914-03-01

me with one hand and wipin' her weep
ling eyes with the other, and | hated to
leave her, but "a man that's buried
oughtn't to hang around his own wild
ow's house like ghost. So | went
away. And all my pallbearers went
away at the same time"
what pallbearers;" asked Sim Per-
kins.
mine The ones that had brought
my remains home from foreign parts, :"
said Uncle Ashdod. They brought
them home, and they guarded them
jealously-too dang Jealously, almost.
They almost fought about my ashes,
they did. And the Mate of the Sally
Inn was the jealousest. When he come
up from the railway station with the
crew of the Sally AnH in a process
sion"
"Oh, WE'LL" said Sim Perkins sadly.
IF you've got to tell it, guess I've
got to listen. What killed you in the
first place :"
Jungle fever" said Uncle Ashdod
promptly. "Me and the crew of the
Sally l4nH was huntin' pearls in the
Jungle of Zanzibar-'
The Washington herald., 1914-03-01

a widow now. And the last thing sic
said TO me, after my funerals"
Funerals? Did you have more than
one?" asked Sim Perkins.
''Of course" said Uncle Ashdod.
"And the last thing she said to me
after them. was, 'Ashdod, you may
have had your faults, but you never
told lie in your life. amt seen
much of you, you being always sailing
the seas. but I'm sorry you're dead.
And il ever, she says. you need a
recommendation for truthfulness, refer
folks to me. That's what she said,
and il ever body speaks plain and
means what she says, its widow
when she's speakin' to her late hus-
bard"
"What say her address was?" asked
Sim Perkins. pulling pencil from hi:
pocket.
81 didn't say" said Uncle Ashdod.
didn't keep track of where she moved
to. never having need to refer to her
for truthfulness, but the last | see of
her was at Comquag. Maine, where she
was born and raised and married. She
was standing on her porch, wavin' at
The Washington herald., 1914-03-01
p Plumn Islam d

enough 10 be sent away to school they
were always quarreling and making up.
But the outbreak had come at last. and
that from a peaceful sky. III. two I'D
men had been sitting and smoking their
pipes together when the Captain re-
marked:
by the way. Judge. some one was
telling me that you owned Plum Island.
over on the Sound?"
Il do. Judge"
How large is it,"
Thirty acres
Good fishing there?''
'"The very best and shooting. too"
Must be a good place to pass month
with little party
I've tried it and know"
What's your price?'
Not a cent less than S2.OOo.''
We'll. have the deed made out to-
morrow and Iii hand you a check"
-Four days after Capt. Sholto had be-
come the owner of Plum Island that
letter came Il was from fisherman
who knew him. and who wrote;
Tell Judge Disbrow that the late great
storm washed away half of Plum Island
The Captain gasped for breath. He
had just bought Plum Island and paid
a good price for it! Did the Judge know
what the storm had done when he made
the sale?
He did. the old idiot-he did," vas ex-
ciaiIped. He had heard the news and
wanted to stick me! Half my island
gonei clear thousand dollar swindle!
The Washington herald., 1914-03-01

The miserable swindIer shall pass the
rest oC his days behind the Lars!"
And the Son OF Mars rushed to the
combat.
At eighteen years OF age Miss Gladys
Sholto was a student at Fairport Semi
nary. At twenty years'of age Royal Dis
brow was a student at Fairport College.
There had been something OF an antag-
onistic feeling between them as. each was
bound to support the contention OF the
parent, but this had never famed up.
The day after the row over Plum Island
the captain wrote to his daughter:
II have at last discovered what an
unhung scoundreI Judge Disbrow is. and
l forbid you TO notice his son in any
manner Cut him cold and dead IL he
dares to bow to you!"
And the judge wrote to his son:
Capt Sholto has finally revealed him
self in his true colors. Avoid his daugh-
ter at all costs. VIII write particulars
later
The schools were a mile apart, and
;he students met only on the streets of
the village The two in question had not
met for month when their respective
letters came.
How silly,'' was the comment OF eacn
after reading the missive: and they
straightway started out to hunt each
other up. BY luck they met at the post
officc.
father says. observed Miss Gladys as
they talked the matter over.
The Washington herald., 1914-03-01
BY JOHN PMILIM ORTIZ

expect to find him dead any morning."
added young Disbrow.
Our cook has got to amend her con-
duct or she must go"
Ditto our gardener
To bring about a reconciliation looked
as easy as pie, but II proved anything
but that.
He called me a swindler.' exclaimed
the Judge.
He called me a rascal exclaimed the
Captain.
He called me a liar
He called me 4 coward.'
Both old men saw that they were in the
wrong. and both felt ashamed OF it, but
what was to be done? Some one must
make the first advance.
Never in this world"' exclaimed the
Captain.
I'D be devourcd by wolves first"
Things might have hung on this way
for goodness knows how long had not
fate taken a hand. one afternoon Miss
Gladys and Royal stole away to the
grove. The girl wanted the wings of
red bird to trim hat. and he brought
along a gun loaded with bird shot.
At about the same hour the Captain
awoke from his nap and decided to
saunter over into an old pasture IN search
of blackberries.
Ten minutes later the Judse awuke
from his nap and decided to do the same
thing.
There we're biackberries there. There
was also something else there that in no
The Washington herald., 1914-03-01

And shall not let it affect me in the
least" replied the young man.
They have no right to demand that
We break our friendship because they
have a quarrel"
Certainly not"
Until that moment neither had thought
to apply the term friendship to their
re.ations. Their attitudes had been re-
sncctful but Indifferent. Now all at once
there came a bond between them. They
looked at each other with different eyes;
they thought of each other in a different
way. when they went home on their
summer vacation they refused to take up
the quarrel. but they began to do things.
Miss Gladys wrote a letter the answer
to which she smilingIy showed her father:
Some months ago." it read, "a good
half of Plum Island was washed away in
big storm Two weeks ago we had
another terrific gale. and 10. it not only
restored the island. but added five acres
to i'll Tell your father can find him a
customer at 5000"
The Judge had to go up to the city
for a couple of days. and his son secured
the services of a competent surveyor.
The Judge hadn't eight inches Of the
sbolton land. He hadn't within half an
inch Of what his deed called for.
The Captains barn did not rest upon
the Judges land, but was within his own
line by an inch.
keep the chickens shut up said Gladys.
.And our dog has got SO old that we
The Washington herald., 1914-03-01

wise resembled blackberry. 1t had
horns and four legs. 1t had below.
II had a desire to take human life.
The Captain and the Judge had not
seen each other yet wnen the bul! saw
them. There was just one tree to save
their lives. and both sought il. They
were not Alpine climbers. those old. old
men. but the way they made the bark
ny as they went up that tree almost
stopped the bull in his tracks.
And for the next half hour the bull
rased beneath and the two men cussed
above Each cussed to himself and
each cussed heartily. And then the young
folks were seen returning from their red
bird excursion. They had been to the
grove and a mile beyond. They had visit
ca for a few minutes with nice man and
wife, and both the nice man and his wife
had kissed Miss Gladys and shaken
hands with Royal as they came away.
There was believing and shouting.
There was paving and beckoninS.
why. it's oux fathers up tree! was
exclaimed in chorus.
And a bull has driven them there
The situation was realized at once.
and Royal crept to a position where the
bird-shot would do its duty and fired and
the bull went OF on the gallop- The old
men had barely reached the ground when
they clasped hands and apOIOgized: and
a minute later one was saying to Royal:
''You can take her. young man. with
my full consent
.'And the other to the girl:
Il shall be proud of you as my daugh-
ter-in-law."
But you see. said the young man as
he took Gladys hand. we didn't know
how long the quarrel would last, and
so while hunting for red birds we hunted
for Justice of the Peace. and-found
oner'
The Washington herald., 1914-03-01
Ccosrisht, i9lLl

tCopright, lshl
f6AToW, that's more'n the first
~ time you've hinted you don't
believe what ! say said
Uucle Ashdod to Sim Perkins. angrily-
81 sit here and tell you truthful tales
and YOU go and insult me by hintin'
that what / say amt SO. How could /
tell 'em if they wasn't true? Why, my
own widow, siie says TO me, the last
time 1 saw her
"How can you have widow when
YOU amt dead YETI asked Sim Per-
kins. That's Just the way, all the
time. You go and say things like that,
and when l ask question, Just to get
the facts straight in my mind, you get
mad. A widow is the wife Of dead
man, amt she? You amt dead, are
you?"
well, sometimes | think ! am, and
sometimes think / amt, and some
times don't know what to think,
said Uncle Ashdod. "All I'm right
sure OF is that l had a wife once, and
her name was Josephine, and thar she's
The Washington herald., 1914-03-01
Copyright, leII)


With an open letter in his hand. just
received by rural delivery. Capt. sholto.
retired, walked straight up to Judge
Disbrow. late of the bench, and said:
Judge. you are a swindler, SIR
And you are a rascal. sir!" was the
prompt reply.
You are a liar, sir!'
And you are a coward. sir
Il challenge you 20 meet me on the
field. SIR ...
And L cheerfully accept. sir"
Both men were over sixty years old;
both were of good character and their
country grounds adjoined.
\ duel' would have been fought had
they been enabled to find seconds. They
realized what the law would do to ali
participants
Two old men who have been neigh
hors for fifteen years don't cali names
a!i OF sudden. While they had been
neighbors and had daily association.
there was a suppressed in-feeIIng.
Capt. Shollo was the last conner When
lie had his land surveyed it was found
that the Judge had eight inches of his
real estate. The Judge said that the
surveyor was a dunder-head. and that
he would have 2 new survey. hut he
had never brought IL about
Later on the CAPTAIN had built barr.
which the Judge claimed rested upon
his land by several inches. The Cap+aln
was to call in a surveyor, h.. had pro-
crastinated.
The Captain mad chickens.
The Judge had a dog.
The Judge had colored cook.
The Captain had an Irish gar lener
The Captain had a son. and the Judge
had a daughter. and until they were old
The Washington herald., 1914-03-01

Didn't know pearls was found in
jungles," said Sim Perkins. what did
you hunt 'em with? Microscopes p
Guns said Uncle Ashdod. Shot
guns. mostly. We used to shoot the
fish,"
"Shot l'em on the wing, Supposed
said Sim Perkins, sarcasticaily. Il sup
pose you went into the jungle and shot
the fish as they flew over, didn't your"
Sometimes we did. said Uncle Ash
dod, "and sometimes we waited until
they lighted on the trees"
What kind of fish. heyf' asked Sim
! Perkins.
"Flyin' fish. of course" said Uncle
Ashdod. "The kind of fyin' fish that
feeds on oysters. You see, them fyin
fish would swim down in the ocean
until they came to an oyster bed, and
then they'd eat lot of oysters. They'd
gulp EN- down, pearls and all, and
then they'd fly ashore ard perch on the
trees and take nap, and we'd shoot
EN-, and cut 'em open, and get the
pearls. | used the tin fish from off the
church spire at Comquag, Maine, for
decoy. set it up on the top of a
bamboo tree, and maybe that was what
made me think of my wife. | hadn't
thought of her for nineteen years or
so, bu; when was took down with the
jungle fever and lay lookin' up at that
tin fish, and knowed ] was goin' to die,
| says to the Mate of the Sally .Ann,
Mate ! says, when | die want to be
took home to Comquag. Maine, TO Mrs.
Ashdod Clute's house, and buried prop
er. Give my widow my regards |
says, and tell her my last thought was
of her And furthermore, | says, don't
bother TO try to take me all home from
this warm cline. Cremate,' | says, and
take my ashes to Josephine So the
Mate promised he would, and the next
thing | knew | didn't krow nothin'"
Died. hey?" said Sim Perkins.
Dead as a door nail, ! reckon said
Uncle Ashdod. First time | ever died,
and l hadn't had any experience be-
fore, so | don't know much about it,
but the next thing | knew. after that,
| looked up and there was a doctor
benGin' over me. | knowed he was a
doctor by the druggy smell. Hello,
Doc ] says, who are you| I'm the
ships surgeon of the Mary Jdnc,' says
he, and if you've got any last requests
to make. make 'em, for you're as good
as dead So | looked up and seen that
tin fish in the tree top, and | says, Doc,
promise me that when I'm gone you'll
cremate me and take my ashes to Mrs
Ashdod Clute, at Comquag, Maine I'm
Capn Ashdod Clute.' So he said he
would. and the next thing | know I
was dead. And
"And along come another feller."
said Sim Perkins scornfully, "and you
asked him to cremate you and send
your ashes To-"
mot send, take" said Uncle Ashdod
simply. 81 asked him to take my ashes.
And he was the captain of cruiser
ship. Cap'n Wilfers was his name
When he found me there in the jungle
and told me ! was as good as dead
wasn't goin' to bother about Comquag
no more, but thinks, thinks |, 'Pshaw
it amt fair to Josephine not to make
sure of things. The Sally Ann amt
hardly sea worthy, and like as not she'll
sink before she gets home. and there's
no tellin' If that doctor of the Mary
Jane will ever bother to 90 what
asked. him, but navy cajtain of the
L. s. A. can be trusted. So asked
him and fie said he would"
Newark evening star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1909-1916, 1914-10-22
HOUSE ACCEPTS
WAR TAX BILL
Of CONFERENCE
Cotton Warehouse Measure Is
Under Discussion-Adjourn-
ment Likely Tonight.

WASHINGTON, Oct. 22.--The con-
ference report on the war tax bill
was adopted by the House today by
a vote OF 126 to 81. NO roll call was
demanded by the Republicans, but
on rising vote the minority voted
against adoption of the report.
Representatives Thompson. of Okla
homa, and Witherspoon. of Missis-
sippi were the only Democrats TO
arise In opposition TO the party
measure. The revenue bill was sent
Immediately to the Senate for final
action
Then the House took up the cot
ton warehouse bill Representative
Henry, of Texas, produced letter
from President Wilson expressing the
hope that Congress would pass the
bill before adjournment. While
Leader Underwood attempted to get
up the adjournment resolutions, Mr.
Henry forced roll calls, and began "a
mild fillbuster to force action on the
warehouse bill.
When the report arrived In the
Senate, Senator Smith, of Georgia.
held It up temporarily While he
pressed resolution for senatorial
commission to investigate the cotton
export situation.
The Senate adopted Senator
Smiths resolution and proceeded to
the conference report on the war
revenue bill
In discussing the conference report
on the revenue bill. Representative
Underwood told the House that al
though the bill expires by limitation
on January 1, 1916. it may be neces-
sary to continue the taxes after that
l. fhs.I II .
said Underwood, II do not think the
results of the European war will be
over by January /, 1916, nor do
think that our revenues will meet eX-
penses by that time. However, this
Is an emergency measure, and 1t was
thought wise to make it terminate
on that date. 1t can be extended IT
necessary"
When Underwood brought the con-
ference report into the House he was
applauded by members anxious to adj
journ tonight.
Adjournment of Congress at D
O'Clock tonight was arranged by adj
ministration leaders of both houses
today, and a formal resolution to
that effect was prepared.
Meanwhile leaders of both houses
got word that President Wilson at
the White House conference with the
Washington correspondents had ex-
pressed the opinion that the cotton
warehouse bill and the bank act
amendment permitting issue of fed
eral reserve notes on commercial pa
per up to the full capital and surplus
of the banks should be passed before
adjournment IT appeared that both
bills could be passed in time.
When conference report was finally
brought in by Majority Leader IN
derwood one hour was allowed for
discussion. The reduction of the Sem
| ate tax on beer and elimination of the
| 1--WE cents gallon tax on rectified
spirits, removed practically all oppo-
sition.
The final agreement on the bill was
reported by strict party vote, Re-
publicans voting against 1t. The con-
| ference restored the House provision
that the new taxes should go into eff
feet the day after passage of the bill.
Newark evening star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1909-1916, 1914-10-22
FEARS FOR HER
FATHER, IN WAR;
GIRL ENDS LIFE
Austrian Young Woman Kills
Herself With Gas in a
Novel Manner.

Tillie Brelincki, an Austrian girl,
twenty years old, who has been In
this country only since last May,
wrapping her head in blanket about
a gas jet She was greatly disap-
pointed by the hard conditions she
encountered in this country and was
further distressed by fear that her
father. who is now a soldier in the
Austrian army, would be killed.
She was employed in the delicates-
sen store of Moses Harris, at 33S
Springfield avenue, and boarded with
his family in the living rooms over
the store. She slept on the floor OF
the kitchen on a "shakedown" and
was there, apparently asleep, when
Harris went through the room at
5:l5 this morning on his way to open
up the store.
Mrs. Harris and her two children
David, six years old, and Louis, two
years old, who slept two rooms away
from the kitchen. remained in bed
after Harris went TO open the store
About o'clock Mrs. Harris awoke
distressed, and noticed gas fumes
She shook the two children and, find.
ing them alive, ran to the kitchen
where she discovered Tillie.
The girl slept back of the kitchen
table and was there when Harris
passed through the kitchen. three
quarters of an hour before she was
found unconscious. The gas jet Is on
the other side of the kitchen and
about O foot above the floor. To 1t a
pipe running to gas stove was af-
fixed in the summer.
Mrs. Harris called her husband
Who In turn summoned the police
and an ambulance from the City
Hospital Although the lung motor
was used the girl was beyond help
Her body is now in the hospital
awaiting claimant, but it is
thought It will have none, and will
be buried in the potter's field
The girl has a brother, Michael, 9
laborer, who lives with his wife and
two children at rs Jones street, but
he Is in very poor circumstances, and
it was largely because Of his poverty
that the girl wanted to return homt
almost as soon as she reached New.
ark last May
A few days after she arrived she
found employment as a domestic in
the home of Mrs Mary Bierman. al
50 Waverly avenue, but was moody
from the beginning, and late in June
IL is asserted. stole $50 from her en-
ployer hoping TO be able to get bach
to Austria with the money. Instead
she was arrested and held in 500
bonds to await the action of the
grand jury by Judge Herr, in the
Fourth Precinct Court.
She was paroled later and hired bS
Mr.. Harris at an employment agency
on Springfield avenue Except fol
her melancholla. the Harrises fount
her all right.
Newark evening star and Newark advertiser. [volume] (Newark, N.J.) 1909-1916, 1914-10-22

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