The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1914-07-05
y NOE there was a full-blown wild
] Peach, registered in the Family
= Bible as Susan Mahaly.


The family dwelt in what was then
regarded by Cambridge, Mass, as the
Twilight Zone of Scmi-Culture, viz,
svlggett County, Pennsylvania,
susan wore Linsey- woolsey from
Monday TO Saturday. She never had
,,,,rorcd with her Venus de Milo To-
,,craphy and she did not even suspect
mai Women had Nerves.
when she was II she had a Forearm
ule A Member OF the TurnUercin.
Sle knew how to Card and Weave
and Dyc. Also she could make Loose
s,,p IN a kettle out In the Open Air.
Susan never felt down on her Salt
r.-ng Bread. Her Apple Butter was
alvats NJ.
T. was commonly agreed that she
void make some Man a good House
y.,rar. for she was never sickly and
roud stay on her Feet sixteen hours
q: Stretch.
Already she was beginning to look
i,Hn the Pike for n regular Fellow.
In the year 1910 the Lass of II who
,l1el TO get her Hooks on some roam
ing specimen of the opposite Gender
WIS In danger of being whispered about
Ne m Old Made. Celibacy was listed
with Arson and Manslaughter.
Rufus was destined to be an Early
Victorian Rummy, but he could lift a
saw-Log and he would stand without
heInE n.tched, so Susan nailed him the
third ne he came shopping around the
Toll-Gtt'.
Rufus dld not have a Window to hoist
or Fence to lean on. But there
e no Poverty in any Pocket OF the Uni
verse uu,il Wealth arrives and begins
% get Lurgy.
Susan thought she was playing IN
rare Luck to snare Six Footer who
owned good Squirrel Rife and could
out-wrassle all Corners.
The Hills Of Pennsylvania were be-
coming contested, with Neighbors not
more than two or three miles apart, so
Rufus and his Bride decided to hit q
New Trail into the Dark Timber and
grow up with the Boundless West.
Relatives Of the Young Couple staked
them TO team OF Peters, Muley Cow,
n Bird Dog OF dubious Ancestry, an Axe
and Skillet, and started them over the
Divide toward the perilous Frontier,
away ont gender in Illinoy.
II was n Hard Life. AS they trundled
slowly over the rotten Roads, toward
the Land Of Promise. they had to sub
st largely on Nenlson, Prairie Chicken,
Quail, Black Bass. Berries and Wild
Honey. They carried their own Coffee.
Arrived at the Jump!ng-Ofr Place,
they settled down among the Mink and
Musk Rats. Rufus hewed out and
TANNED together a little two by twice
~
ou,s side. 1t looked emery enough to be
the Birthplace OF almost any Successful
American.
The Anophclcs Mosquito was waiting
for the Pioneers. In those good old
Chills-and- Fever days, no one ever
blamed Il on the Female of the Species.
Those who had the Shakes allowed that
they were being Jared by the Hand OF
Providence.
When the family ran low on Quinine
all he had TO do was to hook up and
drive fifty miles to the nearest Town.
whore he would trade the Furs for
Necessities such as Apple Jack and
Navy Twist. and possibly few Lux
uries such as Tea and Salt.
On one OF these memorable Trips to
the Store, a Mood which combined Sem
tmert with reckless Prodigality seized
upon him.
He thought OF the brave Woman who
was back there IN the lonesome Shack
shooting the Prairie Wolves away from
the Cradle. and he resolved to reward
her
with only three ellis of Stone Fence
under his Wammus, he spread his Wild
Cat Currency on the Counter and pur-
chased So Clock. with Jig-saw orna-
nents, n shiny coat OF Varnish and q
Bouquet OF Pink Roses on the door.
Susan burst into Tears when she saw
Il on the Wall alongside of the Turkey
Wing. and vowed that she had married
the Best Man in the World.
Twenty years later. Jennie, tho hrst
begotton Chick at the Log House in
The Clearing. had matured and married.
and was living at the County-Seat with
Hiram, Money Changer and Merchant.
Railroad Trains. Side-Bar Buggies,
Coal-Oil lamps. and the Civil War had
come along with Rush and dlsar-
ranged primitive Conditions. The From
tier had retreated away over into Kan
sas.
In the very Township where, of late,
she Beaver had toiled without Hindrance
and tho Red Fox dug his hole unscared.
people were now eating Cove oysters
and going 10 see East Lynne
Hiram was IN rugged Health, having
defended the flag by Proxy during the
recent outcropplng of Acrimony be-
tween the devotees of Cold Bread and
me slaves Of Hot Biscuits. Tho Substi-
tuts had been perforated beyond repair
IT The Battle of Kenesaw Mountain.
proving that Hiram made no mistake in
remaining behind TO tend Store.
When Jennie moved in whore she
could hear the Trains whistle and began
To sport Cameo Brooch. she could
barely remember wearing . Slip and
having Stone Bruises.
Hiram was Near, but no would loosen
Up trifle for his own F1reside- Tho
fact that Jennie was his Wife gavo her
cutie a Standing with him. He ad-
n'red her for having made such a suo-
Gers Of her Life.
They dwelt in a two-etory Frame
with countless Dewdads and Thineurn-
bobs tackled along tho Eaves and Seal
!oped around the Bay Windows.
The Country People who came IN 10
f.e tho Eighth Wonder Of the World
used 10 stand in silent Awe breathing
through their noses.
Out on tho Lawn. surrounded by
0enniums, was a Cast-Iron Deer which
fsprnei ba IonLipo nj tha Cn,frt