Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1914-12-06

eplStleS written by those unacCuStomed to
letter writing. 1t is SO much easier to say
with the tongue what one has to say than to
use the pen. Even those accustomed to the
writing of letters find on reading over what
they have written that they have occasion
ally Numbered in most amusing way and
would not for anything have sent that letter
without corrections and revisions. Many of
these letters find their way into the vari-
Gus departments at Washington, and a
charming volume might be made of them.
Here is one such letter. sent to the Pension
Department. 1t was a war veteran applying
for pension;
The way l got my war ingery ketchin
of hog. The Hog was wanted by our Captain
for forege. We was chasin of her and she
crawld threw a hoal, and thot l was about the
size of the Hog, and tried to crawl threw, but
stuck. and tryin to wrige out l throde the rails
off and one it hit me on my head and knocked
me senseless. l do not think that the pig had
nothing to do with my line of duty for did
not ketch the Hog. Wich she never war caut.
Another applicant for pension said in his
letter:
got blood poison by being hit with hens
eg wen l cam back from the frunt The eg was
not good. Wen you send my penshun 1 want
the deed made SO my wife can't get none of it
she throde the eg. She war a rebel.
One day there wandered into the health
department of western city the following
letter of inquiry:
DEARE HELTH DoCKTER.-DeareS Sir, would
like for You if You plese to send me correct
Statistics of your Annual Death Rate per 900
and what they Died of and Correct Population
of your city. Also the Weekly and Monthly
and Annual mean humidity and the maximum
Temp mean Temp velocity of Wind high and
low Temp. l would like to know all about the
Temp of your climate.
"Statistics" and the various kinds of
Temps" and "humidities," high md low,
common to the city were forwarded to the
anxious inquirer.
Into this same department of health came
another letter of inquiry of another nature.
1t was as follows:
To THE HELTH oFFICE.-Can you tell
anything of Daniel Bell who was torn up by the
bears out there. Can you give any account of
his whereabouts. Send me word soon and how
long he was sick and how long, from his wife
c. BELL.
The postmaster of Colorado city re-
ceived the following comprehensive letter of
inquiry from a man anxious to know some
thing about a woman. The letter ran as
follows:
KIND AND DEER CIR, Pleas to let me know is
they light-compccted blonde woman with
three false teeth in your town named Eliza
may OF got married since she went on out there
and if SO please say who to. She went out
there thinking her chances in matterTnony
would be better there than here, but She amt
wrote how she come out. Letters wrote by me
to her have come back to me threw the ded
Letter Office. Does that mean that she is ded!
II so send full particulars. When last heard
from she was the agency for a new kind of
coffee pot. She may OF went at that again, but
more likely she got married Her desire was for
a Study man with no bad habits and some
means of sootable age. If there is such man
in your town mebbe his wife is her. Also say
in your Letter is the climate out there sootable
for lung troubles and what is the favorite dis
eezes and do they cause fatal deth. But most
of all about Eliza Eveline Teeters. She may
of went out to Californy and if SO where is she?
She is smallish woman shy eye and the
other pale blew and weighing about 1875 pounds.
So please to ANGER back saying where is she and
what is she doing of if she amt got married
wich she probly has. Yours in luv.
A brief note sent to druggist by mother
has in it a delightful touch of unpremedi-
tated humor:
My little baby has ct up its fathers parish
plaster. Please to send anccdotc by the en-
closed little girl.
The following letter was passed around
the House during a session of Congress some
years ago;