Lincoln County leader. [volume] (Toledo, Lincoln County, Or.) 1893-1987, 1914-07-24
THE NEW FABLE OF THE RoIST-
ERING BLADES WHO ABSORBED
THE MAGNETIC CURRENT Dl.
RECT FROM THE CENTRAL
STORAGE PLANT.

Number Six, carrying one Day
Coach and a Combination Baggage
and Stock Car, would pause long
enough to unload a Bucket of Oysters
and take on a Crate of Eggs.
In this Settlement the Leading Citi.
zens still wear Gum Arctics with large
Buckles, and Parched Corn is served
at Social Functions.
Two highly respected Money-Getters
of pure American Stock held forth in
this lonesome Kraal and did a General
Merchandising.
One was called Milt, in honor Of the
Blind Poet. and the other claimed the
following brief Monniker, to wit:
Henry.
Neither of them had to pay the Wo.
man who did the Housework.
Henry and Milt got what they could
during the Daytime and always stood
ready to trim up the Dark Lanterns
and operate at Night.
These two Pillars of Society had
marched at the head Of the Women
and School Children during the Dry
Movement which banished King Alec.
hol from their Fair City.
AS result of their Efforts Liquor
was not to be obtained in this Town
except at the Drug Stores and Restaur.
ants or in the Cellar underlying any
well-conducted Home.
For Eleven Months and Three
Weeks out of every Calendar year
these two played Right and Left
Tackle In the Stubborn Battle to Up.
lift the Community and better the
Moral Tone.
They walked the Straight and Mar.
row, wearing Binders, Check-Reins
Hobbies and Interference Pads.
Very often a Mother would hurry
her little Brood to the Front Window
when Milt or Henry passed by carry.
ing under his arm a Package OF Corn
Flakes and the Report of the General
Secretary in charge Of Chinese Mis-.
sionary Work
Look" she would say. indicating
Local Paragon with index Finger. "Jf
you always wash behind the Ears and
learn your Catechism, you may grow
up to be like Him."
But-every Autumn, about the time
the Frost is on the Stock Market and
Wall Street is in the Shock, Milt and
Henry would do a Skylark Ascension
from the HOME Nest and Wing away
toward the Rising Sun.
They called It Fall Buying because
both Of them Bought and both of them
Fell.
At Home neither of them would
Kick In for any Pastime more worldly
than 1O-cent NJ. P. Show depicting a
large number of Insane People falling
over Precipices.
The Blow-Off came on the Trip to
the City. That was the Big Show.
Every Nickel that could be held out
went into the little Tin Bank, for they
knew that when they got together 100
OF these Washers, man up In New
York would let them have some Tiff
fany Water of Rare Vintage, with a
Napkin wrapped around 1t as an Evi-
dence OF Good Faith.
On Winter Evenings. Milt would
don the Velvet Slippers and grill his
Lower Extremities on the ornate Por.
tico such as surrounds every high.
price Base-Burner.
While thus crisping himself he loved
to read News Notes from Gotham,
signed Carolyn stuyvesant, who
seemed to have the Entree into the
Best Houses.
He did not know that Carolyn had
tangled Whiskers and jotted down his
Boudolr Secrets In Welnstube, using
a borrowed Pencil.
So he believed what II said in the
Paper about well.known Heiress hav.
ing the Teeth OF her favorite Pomer.
anian filled with Radium at a Cost OF
$4,000.
Whenever he got this kind OF @
Private Peek into the Gay Life OF the
Modern Babylon, he began to breathe
through his Nose and tug at the
Leash.
He longed to dash away on the Erie
to look at tho Iron Fence in front oi
the Home OF the Pomeranian.
When the Day OF Days arrived, Mill
and Henry would be seen at the Depot
with congested Sult-Cases and theii
Necks all newly shaven and powdered
for the approaching Jubilee.
Each had pinned into his college
made Suit enough currency to lift the
Debt on the Parsonage.
Already they we're smoking Foreign
Cigars and these were a nero Hint o.
what the Future had In Store
While waiting for Number Six they
wired for Two Rooms and Two 1athi
and TO have Relays waiting In the
Manicure Psrlor.
Up at the Junction, where they
caught the Limited. they moved int
the High and began TO peel from tn,
Roll.
The Steak ordered In the Dinins
Car hung over the edge OF the Tabl,
and they scufiied to see which one
would pay tho Check.
Az for the Boy in the Buffet, ever
ume he heard Sound like 25 cent