The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1914-05-29
A TRAM COLLECTOR.
Travels and Tribuiations OF an Innocent
American Abroad.

American Abroad.
To THE EDITOR OF THE SuN--sir: In
this land OF the free. where every man
runs for the humble trolley car, unless
he Is running for the IL" or the sub
way, of course. he finds his troubles
over when once he boards It. That II
should be full to Its capacity and more,
too, Is no annoyance half empty car
bores him TO death. He pays az he enters
rear door or side door, or when he Is
comfortably seated waits for the Fares
please" and parts with his nickel
Brought up on these easy methods,
thought to take them along with me. my
ulster and my change Of linen, to the
town built around Napoleon's tomb and
the adventures OF In Gloconda From
the Place de rOpera I made my first
attempt to board tram. One foot
| reached the step under the hieroglyphics
which compel the vehicle to stop. and all
further efforts were wasted by the con-
ductor shouting furiously and making ex-
cessive gestures Of negation under my
nose. so I withdrew TO take an inventory
OF myself. as 1t were. thought they
might have taken me for Cooper In
dian or possibly one OF their own pet
| Apaches. / sauntered down the Rue
Scribe to one OF the steamship -11ices
which had a nice plate glass WINDOW and
there looked myself over After all l
was not n horrible sight: did not look
| bit worse than the Frenchmen sur
rounding me SO returned. Then
noticed that each OF my fellow travellers
carried n numbered slip. which they tore
! from a pad hung to pole. Tearing on
one OF these when my turn came. found
myself aboard something more like n
| rlckety houseboat under full steam than
| anything I know of. Under the guards
directions climbed TO the top deck, found
| one empty seat and sank into II with
1 a.. .t..b ~ ,u.hn tVlt nra tnr
gave him n frame let him do the
| counting, I said ito myself let him
! subtract the nickel. ! was footing the
/ bill and he could do the rest. But they
don't do things like that over there He
talked and ] talked IN different Ian
guaRes, and the passengers looked bored
at the old story of the ignorant Ameri-
can, and ! sought vainiy for the French
| impaired TO me Mt school by woman
whose accent was so atroclous she should
have been imprisoned for life for dealing
| il out to the unsuspcctlng young or the
nation. I desperately hauled out another
franc and handed II TO the gesticulatng
| rrenchman. Trolley rides were luxurics
| in this country, II seemed. And all
| wanted to do was to ride TO the end or
the line Just n little thing like that,
and I couldn't tell him.
| I was lingering n ten franc piece as A
last resort before revertlng to violent
measures. when the guard dashed down
stairs and returned with n courteous ma
tive who spoke American" He ex-
planned the guard to me and me to the
guard and when he got through the
guard clasped me In his arms and wept
for his injustice to me. He thought when
7 offered two francs ! was trying to buy
the tram. and IT wasn't his 10 sell II
seems you must state your destination In
that town so with the help OF the good
Samaritan l stated mine.
Poor hopeful wretch that I was,
thought my troubles over. \ printed slip
was handed to me receipt for my fare
and license to remain on that tram I'LL
the specified distance, bought and paid
for In advance. was covered. folded
that ticket into mathematical designs
and unfolded IL again | fitted Il In my
glove | tried to read IL and failed;
forgot the passing scenery which | was
there to see. and my laxative neighhors
who ratified on with ceaseless industry
was Just going to taste the blame thing
and IL IL was pala eat II, when th'
president of the trolley line got on and
chipped a piece off of each ticket. III.
looked panied when he saw mine. II III
felt as much panied as l did he was
going some.
once, in Berlin, under the guards al
rectlon ] sat in a much crowded row o'
top OF tram. The other passenger
. protested. II they had been Americans
I would have paid no attention to thel
: rawlings for an American has no rights
anyway: but as they were Germans, nntu
rally ! did not blame them. I rose in {
dignlfed way. tinted ticket and all, an'
swung down stairs. And what did l ge
for IT, | had disrupted the methods o
: an empire and | got mine" An infuri
ated guard climbed down after me usinl
language which would chill the marrow
OF a Drawer one than |. Had | not com
from second class to frst' The diner
ence of Ave pfennigs l offered him. bu
do you think he would take II Ike that
Not much He took back my ticket an
punched me n brand new one. Then h
! took the FIVE pfennigs and departed I
:, his throne on the rear platform.
Given the same number OF people !
each. a German tram becomes NOR
quickly crowded than any other IN tn
0 world l was II good deal puzzled owe
3 It at first. The passengers did not seer
so many, counting heads, but the spac
= seemed horribly limited l should no
o have paid any attention to heads. An
r two American girls enlightened me. The
n must have been In Germany IA long timt
r students probably. and there was home
sickness in their voices and great Ions
- ing. One said:
o "Oh, Ruthie, after all. Ia there anythin
q like the looseness OF the American waist
v band?"
I You know now why the heads shoul
not be bothered with, helm"
/, After duly sampling the trans q
: France. Germany and Austria though
= there was nothing more for me to leari
q but Naples showed me new wrinkle
r on this particular Neapolitan tram
. | maid five centesim more returning tina
!. / did going why was that. l demande
n in excerabe Italian? 1t wasn't the cent
-: It was the principle of the thing. TIL
b. little conductor couldn't get In wpr
v sdgewlse. He looked henpecked, and
r felt like brute. Then he explained
with the gentleness displayed toward
mnatic that I was sitting on n cushion
and so travelling first class. 1t was II
cushion that mattered, not the locatio
OF the seat. I didn't say anything b'
8 felt fatter than the cushion l was 81
. ting on, which Is saying good deal
g he hadn't told me / wouldn't have know
there was any cushion there.
n r. l.. AALHoLM.
h PIAINFIELD, N. j., May IS.