The Colorado statesman., 1914-01-03
KELLINGER'S INSOMNIA
BY DOROTHY DUNN.


doned Kellinger it abandoned the rest
of the family, meaning Mrs. Kellinger
and the bulldog.
When Mrs Kellinger would an
nounce sadly to their acQuaintances
that Tom had begun waking up at
one o'clock and staying awake till six
or not going to sleep at all until half
past-three 1t was exactly as tragic as
though she was breaking the news
that he had fallen a victim to the
suicide habit or had begun numbering
Those to whom she spoke always had
an uneasy feeling that they ought to
send flowers or something.
Kellinger absolutely refused to go
to the doctor about 1t. He said the
physician would merely ask him If he
had embezzled any trust funds or had
anything else on his conscience, and
would appear annoyed because he
hadn't.
"It's Just nerves." Kellinger would
say in martyred tones. II wake up
and then 1 begin thinking and I can't
stop. l worry about what would hap
pen If ten years from now long, hard
winter should set in and l didn't have
any work. Then there is Uncle Dave,
who has just invested all his money in
a gold mine, and what If he should
lose 1t! And think of the sufferings
of the people over there in the Bal
kan regions during this cruel war!"
If Tom didn't have such an absurd
ly tender heart!" Mrs. Kellinger
would sigh proudly.
That is, she sighed proudly till the
sleepless streak had continued for
some time, and then she grew peevish
from lack of slumber. At first she
would read aloud to Kellinger or
would arise and, descending to the
kitchen, would concoct unholy two
o'clock lunches of fried egg sand
wiches to lull him to sleep. Later on
she took to making remonstrances.
Following these heart to heart talks,
Kellinger gave up coffee and cigars
and once in a while managed to sleep
the night through, but more often he
didn't.
"If you were twins, now," Mrs. Kel
linger murmured reproachfully one
night at three o'clock at Kellinger,
who sat propped up sociably against
the bedpost with the reading light on
full blast ~ suppose l shouldn't mind
being awake like this. I'd expect it
But l don't mind telling you secretly
that I'm (yawn) getting aw-aw (yawn)
fully tired of it! I'm just dead for
sleep!"
Are you sleepy, dear?" Kellinger
asked, in hurt tones. What wouldn't
l give to feel that way!"
Whereupon Mrs. Kellinger felt
ashamed of her desire to sleep and
read aloud from "The Theory of Hot
Water Heating" until she toppled
over, sound asleep.
Kellinger really suffered. He said
if it kept up much longer he would
go crazy, he knew. An the Kellingers'
friends were intensely interested in
the situation. By their advice Kel-
linger drank hot milk before retiring,
drank cold milk, put hot water bag
under his head and tken an ice bag,
stood on his head and walked on his
hands, breathed in six times and out
six times, crossed his fingers and
counted jumping sheep.
When they were out in the even
ing Mrs. Kellinger had the habit OF
watching her husband nervously, and
if his eyelid twitched she would grab
the person next to her and moan:
Tom is going to have another sleep
less night" she would say He is
getting the blinks! Poor man!
don't know what is going to become
of him! Isn't it awful! Dearie!" to
the afflicted one, "sit over here where
you won't get the cigar smoke-it
makes you nervous, know"
All of this happened before the ar
rival Of Mrs. Shandle, who had known
Kellinger at the disillusionizing age
of ten, and had never outgrown the
habit. The first time she was present
at one of these sad exhibitions she
transflxed the Kellingers with a dis
gusted glance and spoke her mind
STUFF and nonsense. Tommy Kel-
lingern said she. 81 never heard of
such tomfoolery! l never saw a per
son put on the airs you do! Are you
any better than any one else that you
can't sleep as the rest of us do? You
say that your life is without reproach,
and if it is there's no excuse for your
not sleeping. The ideal Smoke that
cigar and drink that cup Of coffee and
go home and go to bed and go to
| sleep! You're a perfect goose!
think the trouble is that your head is
only big enough for one idea at time,
and you've grown attached to this
sleepless idea and hate to tell it to
move on. I'm ashamed of you! And
your wife is an easy mark"
81 think she is horribly rude!" Mrs.
Kellinger kept saying all the way
home. "She doesn't understand your
sensitive nature at ALL"
"Huh?" queried Kellinger-and
yawned. Whereupon he went to sleep
| when his head touched the rillor and