Grand Forks daily herald., 1914-09-17
Laugh With U.

j Laugh With Us
: The customer in the grocery store.
having ruined his clothes, was hop
ping mad.
e Didn't you see that sign, Fresh
Paint?' asked the grocer.
"of course I did," snapped the GUS
toner; ~.but I've SO many signs
hung up here announcing something
fresh which want that didn't be-
lieve it."
The ragged wayfarer trudged up the
garden path bathed in the sunshine
and took off his hat to the lady at
the door. She eyed him keenly and
countenance.
Look here" she said, -"you called.
at this house in the middle OF the
winter" ~
II did. ma'am," he sorrowfully ad-
mitted.
And gave you a good meal on
condition that you swept the snow out
Of my back yard"
That's right, ma'am."
And when you had the meal you
went of without doing it,
The man passed the back Of his
hand tremulously over his eyes.
Eyes, ma'am," he said, brokenly,
"and my conscience smote me. That's
why I've tramped all the way back,
under the scorching SUN, to finish the
job!"
While Comiskey was in England
with the world touring baseballists,
he and several friends were conduct
ed through an ancient cathedral by a
typical British guide and caretaker.
Behind the altar he said, "lies
Richard III. In the churchyard out
side lies Mary, Queen Of Scots. And
Who" halting above an unmarked
tagging In the stone floor and address
Is a-lying ere on this spot?"
WELL" answered the Chicago mag
nate, II don't know for sure, but I
have my suspicious.
A young woman who found employ
mont in telephone office. though she
knew little about the work, had pre-
viously worked in large department
store. where the motto was: 1--WE
day at the telephone Office, when
there was a ring at the bell:
What number, please?" she asked
sweetly.
GIVE me 4-7-4-1s,"
"Oh, I'm sorry" she replied, "but
were quite out Of mean 4-7-4-1s
is busy. but can give you number
4-7-s or 4-7-5, If you wish"
There is often fun at the baseball
grounds outside Of the game. especial
ly among the boys who try to see the
game without being admitted.
One youngster who was fortunate
enough to find knothole in the fence
was heard to shout to another who
was munching away on a juicy apple:
"Say, I'll quit this hole if you'll gi'
me couple o. them.''
Go on!' was the reply. Eyer can't
see through the ginks on t'other side
o. the fence"
"orl right. sonny" was the rejoiner.
keep 'em. But that's where you
missed 1t, for there's a sawed off guy
in front of this hole and there amt
nobody in front of him, see?"
A Missouri darky was endeavoring
to sell a mule to Jefferson City
man, who, however. was in doubt as
to the animals age.
III" said he, this mule is as young
as You claim, why is it dat he bends
so at the knees
"Oh, don't let dat little fact worry
you, boss" the negro hastened to say.
"Dat mule bend at de laigs, but 1t
ain't due to no. age dat he does. De
homes tr1f,. boss, is dat I amt had
way he oughter been. My stable is
kinder low an dat mule he been
obliged to stoop a little, dat's .all."-
! Harper's Magazine.
"If me employer" said one work
man to another, don't rethract what
he said to me this mornin.' begorrah
III lave his sarvice."
Sure, and phwat, did he say?'
asked the other.
"He tould me could look for an.
| other place."
A stern father who had repeatedly
told a young man who was paying his
addresses to his daughter not to visit
the house again without his permits.
sion, which he never intended to give
was surprised when he answered the
doorbell late one evening to see the
young man.
"sir, said he, in anger, didn't ]
tell you not to call again, eh, sir?"
"Yes," said the young man, 81
know. but I didn't call to see you,
daughter. came on behalf of ou,
firm about that little BILL"
I Maude-Poor Mrs Frales tainted
on a street car yesterday
Edith-Crowded car, I suppose, ant
the poor thing had to stand up unit
she collapsed.
Maude--No; on the contrary, every
man in the car arose and offered hi.
seat when she entered and she swoon.
ed.
Sir Henry embellishments
says that a Scotsman was asserting
that all the great poets were Of hi.
nation.
well, but" said he. how about
Shakespeare? You can't say he was
a Scotsman"
To this the other replied:
His talents would justify the sup.
position" "H
Farmer Clapole-"Has the city fel.
Ter who bought stones farm learnt
anythin yet?'
Farmer Sands-"Wall. he's learnt
it don't do no good ter try ter make
| apple butter in a churn."-Judge.