davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The evening times. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1906-1914, 1914-01-17
Laugh With U.

An old Scotch lady was noticed by
her minister to fall asleep every time
he preached. whilst when young men
from st. Andrews university acted
as substitutes for him she remained
awake and was most attentive.
The minister n day demanded an
explanation of her conduct. She re.
piled:
"Wcc]. meenister. / ken the word Of
Coz is safe in your hands: but when
the young fellows from St. Andrews
come along it takes me all my time
to watch them"
Then this" asked the rejected
sutton, lis absolutely fnal?"
"Quite!' was the calm reply. "Shall
I return your letters?"'
Yes, please" answered the young
man. There's some very good mate
rial i'll them l can use again.
.Magistrate-Pat Murphy. the con
stable says o were fighting. What
have you to a for yourself?
We'll. your worship. OF had a
clean white shirt on. u Oi was SO
rnoighty proud av it that OF go up q
bit av a row wild Il man SO as Oh cud
take me coat an vest off and show
it,"
A little girl, finding her grandfather
doing, clambered on to his knee and
el1deavored to awaken him by pulling
his eNelashes. Annoyed at being dis
turbed from Il peaceful nap, the old
man scolded the child for her rough
ness.
"Wough"" she exclaimed, pout;ng,
I"I wasn't wough. I was only twying
to open your yes, by the Swings"
two Germans who were crossing the
Luxembourg frontier declared % the
customs officials:
We have three. bottles of red wine
each. How much is there to pay?
Where is it?" asked one.
Well, inside u.s."
The official gravely looked at his
tariff book and read: Wine in casks,
Gentlemen" he said. looking up, you
can co.
well WE'LL" surprisedly commented
the patient churn man, as the village
brass band tore rapidly past smash
ing out its ti~nnabulatory strains az
they went, those fellows are pretty
nearly OH a run . What makes them
march SO fast?"
Trying to get away from the mu-
sic, / guess replied the landlord of
the tavern, who was a pessimistic old
chap anyhow.
The old nan who acts as pOstmas-
ter i'll a small southern town likewise
keeps a general merchants shop. He
is often accused of reading the post
cards that pass through his hands,
but this he strongly denies. A lady
called at the shop and ordered, among
other goods, & ham and a cheese. Two
days later the lady called again and
asked why these two articles had not
been sent with the other goods. ''Oh!'
replied the merchant calmly. IT saw
by the postcard yo' got vistidy tibet
yo' friend wasn't comm. so I nachel-
" thought yo' wouldn't need them
things"
A young woman from the west was
making a visit to an old seaport town.
One morning while driving with her
host she said:
What is the diet Of all these pso-
pie? l.
Fish. mostly" responded the man.
Why" spoke the westerner. al
thought fSh was . brain food. These
are really the most unintelhgent look
Ing people / ever saw"
We'll" replied the host,a.just think
e. what they would look like Il they
- A'Sss $780, - .a-
The evening times. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1906-1914, 1914-01-17


Who's haset,all's most I'M
lucky wight--tirst cousin to tho
jinN--ye champion ihcx Of tho
game? (Sce daily sporting :
pinks.) Who'd like as not.
as Casey did, have III that air
in two (althoueh on JinXless
days, take note. he's there and
ovcr. toob" Who's ever johnny
on-the-spot to set himself in
Dutch wllene'cr a second bag
turns up that some II failed to
touch" Who's sure to stub his
toe or get rhclumatics in his back
when Mugs Alctiraw has got a
date To waiiop Connie Mack?
Who hasn't got n lot on Freddie
sinodSrass boy ut that as Grand
Exalted Hoodoo. wot". Fred
Mcrlllc at the att!
The man who tries to buy popu
arity gets stung.
: Start a scandal about your neigh
DOR and watch it grow.
The evening times. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1906-1914, 1914-01-17
ADJUSTMENTS

Gaby Deslys.
GabN Deslys alwas travels with two
little marmosets. y marlnoset is
known to tho French by the charming
name of ouistitti II is a very small
monkey. But save for its monkey
face. il has all the appearance of a
drowned rat. 1t makes constant chit
tering noises M seems most alert
and most interested in everything that
goes on around it. Gaby's marmosets
are known as Teddy and Fiji. and
they We're given to her by Harry Pill
of fair size but has an evil DISPOSE
ton which seems to be shared by Fiji,
but h is so very tiny and SO very
frail, that she can do very little dam
ger. Coming over on the Maure-
tania, the little animals created al
self. She has them with her nearly |
all of the time, but fearing that she
might tire of them at any moment.
one of the maids, who has the care
of Fiji and Teddy. is constantly i'll
attendance to relieve her mistress OF
the burden of looking after the little
animal pets. Gaby carries the mar
mosets because they are easier 10
transport than dogs. especially when
going from France to England.
Alice Lloyd's big Entertainment.
a dance which out-tangoes the
tango m goes a step or two beyond
first time here when Alice LLOYD APP
pears at the Metropolitan on Thurs
day. January 90. This dance is called
the A-raN dance. and is spectacularly
produced for the purpose of revealing
moro than mere grace and agility. 1t
Is an original production by Tom Nc
Naughton and became a sensation in
London 3S the ,1rinrinn1 otfr ati,r, e.,
Over There" the last of the London
rcrues. This dance cannot be en-
ecuted in a parlor and probably would
not be likely to find its way into the
fashionable cafes. 1t requires for it's
presentation an intricate electrical
pecially engaged therefore.
The dancers are clad in white silk
and diaphonous veilings. Floods of
light are aimed from every possible
angle and so focused that on the
dancers in the center where the rays
meet the effect is az near the actual
scientific X-ray as a theatrical pro-
ducer could or would dare to show
FOR the purposes of entertainment.
No n has ever criticised the dance
as improper but it has been reviewed
as the most daring OF an era in which
the dance has crept and leaped fur
Their and further from the old meth
DDS. The coloring and lighting effects
change during the progress Of the
numbers to throw various effects by
the penetrating lights of different col
ors n power. To enhance the spec
taeie the dancers costumes are wired
with insulated current carriers from
batteries, SO small that the women
wears them concealed in her hair and
the man his pocket. The dancers are
especially imported from England for
the American revealment which has
beer copyrighted by William Morris,
The evening times. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1906-1914, 1914-01-17

the path, but J will reimburse you
for Your trouble
lelcn looked questioningly at him.
She left this afternoon he eA-
planned. rather unexpectedly. And
she took the sewing machine with
her. 50 you can't fix it. I am SORRY
Dear me-" easped Helen, wonder
insly. She looked at the two small
boys with pity. How dreadful.
Yes he went on. comfortably.
the kids will miss her. Not much,
though. SILL reflectively, Anna
wasn't a bad sort"
Helen sasI,"d again. For a man
whose wife HAD loft him he seemed
rather ~nonchalant. Surely, whatever
her faults. he must wish that his
ba bies had their mother. Helen's lips
hardened. For some reason she felt
tired. "ionr wife" she began, ua-
certainly, hardly knowing what she
would say.
My Wife" nc repeated, in surprise,
"Oh, Anna. SAC isn't my wife. She's
only my dead WIGS cousin. But she's
lived with me for two years. She
came to take "arc of the house."
Then he laughed. Helen laughed, too
over her foolish mistake. probably.
All the way home she smiled over
that mistake. Md, c%uriously, she was
The evening times. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1906-1914, 1914-01-17

glad that Anna was not his wife.
Those. two little boys needed some
thing better in life than such care
Her eyes grew wistful when she had
left the big. warm dining room OF the
boarding house and gone up to her
room. She was wandering how 1t
would seem to have boys Of ones own.
u don't believe that you'd ever
married me-" remarked their father.
some weeks later, IF it hadn't been
for Them"
Helen laughed over the purring OF
the machine that he had bought from
her two days after Anna had left.
Maybe not" she said. "But maybe
the reason l like them so we'll is be-
cause they're yours!!"
The evening times. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1906-1914, 1914-01-17

: Start a scandal about your neigh
Dor and watch it grow.
The evening times. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1906-1914, 1914-01-17

Then this" asked the rejected
sutton, lis absolutely fnal?"
"Quite!" was the calm reply. "shall
I return your letters?''
YES, please" answered the young
man. There's some very good mate.
rial in them l can use again."
The evening times. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1906-1914, 1914-01-17
TnE FORD EXAMPLE,.

"A man like Mr. Ford cares nothing
r an act of such originality and dar-
Tx as The apparent Gift Of %$l0,000,-
DO To employees, say the New York
Hines. 1T would be interesting whc,h-
+ he rcrk"i,cd On getting Il, return
hard ash as we'll as In hard earned
iiory. The idea may seem far fctch-
n, and vet il is accompanied Ivy Il hint
kortl attention. Ito wants to run his
laclincry twcnty-tour hours in three
shifts. That is the On
Hanation of his taking ON SOM" thou
alds more mon. 1t docs not signify
bat eight hours production will he
Iess than before, and that more mon
re- needed I" make good the dc
t%cicncy. 1t means that his machinery
BIN lac earning income ON its cost as
aSt as interest runs. II means tina
it'll tho same overhead costs his prof
$ will nc larger in proportion to his
Eat,ital. He is lun.headcd as we'll as
|tt aItCtluNiit WI Nv - hlnIlilllIS
through his son to- do With the eclc-
|ric automobile what he did with the
Gasoline go-cart.
Such an example is inspiring at
time when We read thai other cm-
bloycrs arc discharsins men by rc2i-
100000 in Il single industry.
Ind more in New York than ever
snowm. What marvcls might not Mr..
example work if only other
capitalists would do tho same. And
miracles might not the world
kec il capital and labor should CO.
operate on the same lines. Quantity
production might he made tho Solu-
lion of many problems . Mr.. Ford's
profits arc made ON tho
heap model of automobiles. The pro-
who arc sroaninS over the
sisht-hour day arc making machines
which ordinary persons caunot afford
20 buy or TO use. Shortening the
ing OF output and the increase of
costs. Mr.. Ford knew how to make
he same conditions spell larger prof
is for both himself and his employees.
Not everybody can do il. but the NOV
business. shows the line
llong which success of this sort is
possible. Where tho product is of a
standard unit for which there is AN
demand the problem is
To increase the production of
units. An author must write different
books, a preacher must preach differ
ant sermons until he thinks it prudent
to turn tho barrel over and start q
new cycle of delivery. Mr.. Ford said
That his success WAS due to lilnitin:
himself to tho reproduction of a unit,
while others spread themselves over
many varieties. each requiring an adj
dition to the capital cost.
I'm short. abundance is the remedy
scarcity. Quantity production is
clue to rhcapncss. Making dollars
work harder than men is tho solution
Of the labor problem. Capital sees il,
while labor still is blind. Restriction
nf production is labol's contribution
10 the problem which Mr.. Ford has
attacked if not solved. Making
work" is slahof's policy. Preventing
MY but uninnists from working is
way to raise wages by giving
Il scarcity Value. That is the
way that the cost of living is driven
up while the price of automobiles is
down, bringing them within
the reach of those Who never had
for them. 1t is plain what
labor owes to MI. Ford. Capital also
owes him something.
The evening times. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1906-1914, 1914-01-17

.Magistrate-Pat Murphy. the con-
stable says o We're fighting. What.
have you to say for yourself?
We'll, your worship. Oi had a
clean white shirt on, and Oi was. SO
molghtH proud av it that Oi got up a
bit av a row wild a man SO as OF cud
take me coat an vest off and show
it,"
The evening times. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1906-1914, 1914-01-17

Tho man who tries to buy popu-
larity gets stung.
The evening times. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1906-1914, 1914-01-17

A little girl, finding her grandfather
doing, clambered on to his knee and
~endeavored to awaken him by pulling
his eyelashes. Annoyed at being dis
turbed from q peaceful nap, the old
man scolded the child for her rough
The evening times. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1906-1914, 1914-01-17

chosen as it is that the W naturally drift together There as hardly a
proposal even The same thing is 81 big in the mind and heart Sc each
that marriage is the most natural thing in the world for them. The wom-
q a much to o with h selecting a. h mar
Among the ignorant. where most of the foolish young marriages talks
place. little good would ID done by giving the girl the right to propose
She is too silly #to know what she wants. and the favored masculine would
be the II who Wore the highest white collar, h loycHest ties. could an
the best and had the glubbest line Of compliments -
/ do no believe race would be n whit better If vornar hd +,5
light to propose. Her selection in TIL majority Of instances. would not he
wisert than the man selection. She would he lust as apt to take the fashy
about town as the man is 10 prefer the overdressed imitation Of 2
chorus girl. The honest old plodder without social sraces would be al
muc overlooked as the girl II stays home nd helps mother 80
Women don't think of the future of the race when they wish to mar
and. alas too often they think only of what the nan "a do for them
Many 2 girl narrtes simply because the thinks she's going to hay a n easier
job and believes she can endure the man along with it
Therei is only one class of woman h might Justly have IN r,~ht -
propose-the woman who has a business which she expects to continue fssr
mmarrisgaes; .S such Ia a a %ma mImaay ask a man il he wishes to venture into a
him to support her or endow her with any Of his worldly goods. NO
even though she knows she will carr everything she gets. - -
Perhaps II good would accrue however, II iii IN ron,.
ing. se Popos-
-, Men seldom complain. Of Their matrimonial bargains because, il they
the answer is too pat: We'll. o got what you wanted. didn't vno
and o we're mighty, anxious to ret it% Give women the same priWese.
and possibly W G should have fewer winners among wives who deploret their
unhappy lot Even the best of women, at times, like to rub it MO- hei thai,
worse halves that they could have done BETTER 1"
= A hnal thought-the greatest power Of h president nj ~. rrr,..aA
States lilies in his right to veto. And the increas,ne bower q rcfusnnT =, gmnsM.,
is greater thar the power to marry in the case of women. $3.50
The evening times. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1906-1914, 1914-01-17

and other. on the virtues of the craft.
SO free with criticism and complaint
realized that, whatever journalists
may not know, ono very Important
thing they do know. They know,
as they watch the human drama,
who plays thc game fairly and who
right measure of all tho humbugs."
No one will challenge this claim.
But Arnbassador Page will admit that
knowing is one thing and telling quite
another. II is only The Independent.
earnest, candid newspaper that gives
tho public the measure of tho hum-
bugs il, finds out, OF that always gives
credit to those who arc aquarc and fit.
The narrow or intellectually dishonest
partisan may know. but he doesn't
tell. Sometimes The hicotcd partisan
cant see straight, but generally he
secs and misrcnrcscnts. There arc
tory newspapers that call Lloyd
George ~ humbus, bat do They believe
II liltfC iit I'ittlNdH I0l'ttS il
America that can't on won't treat BrN-
an d"ccutiy ana that outrascousiy lii
bel him.
IT all journalists always told what
low. dcnlHg"yical. partisan sheet
would he gone. and political and 9TH
CT discussion would he more valuable
than il often is.-Chicago Record
Herald.
\ touch "f utter in%consruiiy is ad-
dcd to tho w;ir in Mexico by the news
that the stern and savage Villa has
arranged With Il nIoviiau-piciurc on-
pany to share with il the profits To
he derived from photographs Of real
battles. To bc u useful partner in This
business, General Villa will have L"
do more than lot tho camera men 60.
what they can: he must see to it that
the really interesting charges are
made when the lish, is good and thai
Il satisfactory part of tho killing and
dyin. is done in focus. All this might
ne expected 10 mlcrlcfc WIN mliil;''N
operations conducted in theory f0r
other purposes. No doubt tho films
thus secured would command the at
tcntipn and the money of multitud"s
but even the most morbid seeker for
horrors might bc shocked, il not by
tho sight of carnage. AT least by the
thought that it had been commercials
lied in this particularly synical way.
The evening times. [volume] (Grand Forks, N.D.) 1906-1914, 1914-01-17
WHAT JOURNALISTS KNOW-AND
TELL.

Ambassador Page. in addressing
London newspaper and magazine men
recently, made sonlc remarks, SERIOUS
The star-independent. [volume] (Harrisburg, Pa.) 1904-1917, 1914-12-31

Derry township-First precinct, ...
Eli2abe thville borough, ............
Williamstown borough-West ward,
The star-independent. [volume] (Harrisburg, Pa.) 1904-1917, 1914-12-31
COMMISSIONERS STATEMENT
Continued From Opposite Page

at At bridge No: s5-ss. Upper
Paxton township, ..:.,.... l26 l3
Steelton Planning Mill Co,
lumber at Trewick and Con-
estoga street bridges .... II 80
E. Fl. Fisher, labor repairing
bridge No. 119, E. Hanover
LyRens SUI Supply and Mfg. Co.,
labor and material repairing
bridge No. &c, Lykens bor-
William Kline. lumber at
bridge No. lis, E. Hanover ~ ..
J. N n: frfs fBrrfisshtbii.l,, lumber at
Clifton bridge, Swatara %, .,
VIM, G. Mills, labor, repairing
bridges, No. % and 29, 80. sc 05
w. i. Kline. lumber at Run
kle's Mill bridge, ...I.... 30 "a
Penna, r. r. Co, freight on
G. W. Ensign. rebuilding
bridge. Herr street, Harris
burg, Pa, ................. 4,942 oVl
G. W. Ensign, extra work on
Herr street bridge, .....:. 4S6 II
John D. Bogar & Sons, shin
giles and plank at bridge No.
Is, Lykens township ..... "a 81
H. f. Malich, lumber at Tre-
wick street bridge, Steel - -
ton, .............. :''..... 30 10
Joseph A. Rooms, replanking
Trewick street bridge, 20 90
C. NJ. Hershey, services as en-
gineer, bridge work, ..... 81 6S
John NJ. Harman, lumber at
bridges, No. 81 and SO,
Washington township, 294 76
John Nj. Harman, labor re-
pairing bridges No. 81, Ss
ana 39, .............,,,... 100 -
L. f.. Feeser labor and ma
terial, repairing Paxton
street bridge, Harrisburg. Al go
G. W. Ensign, steel beams at
bridge No. S. No. 60 and
No. 81, Halifax township. 29S 80
J. h. Rhoads cement at Pax
ton street bridge. ......... 10
John d. Bogar & Sons, lumber
at bridge No. 81 and No. So,
Jackson, township, ...... S3 81
e. Koppenhaver labor and
Evening star., 1914-08-22
WILL BE HELD FOR REPORT
FROM SECRETARY BRYAN
Ga1linger Resolution on Maintaining
China's Integrity May Go to
State Department.

The Gallinger resolution reaflrming
the attitude of the United States in
favor OF the integrity of Chine and
the open door, policy in that country,
which was sent to the foreign relations
committee of the Senate yesterday,
probably will be referred to the State
Department with a request for a re-
port upon it. If the department, which
is in close touch with the situation in
the far east, should say that 1t was
inopportune at this time to pass 1t
through Congress-, the resolution un-
doubtedly will be allowed to die in
committee.
Reaf1rmation Of Policy.
However, should the committee report
the resolution to the Senate, it would
receive strong support. and probably
would be passed, for as 1t was pointed
out today. 1t merely reaffirms a policy
for which the United States has stood
in the past.
Senator Stone. chairman of the for
eign relations committee, will be away
from Washington for about a week. and
Senator Shively Of Indiana will be act
ing chairman at the next meeting OF
the committee, Wednesday. It may be
that the Gallinger resolution will re-
ceive. consideration at that time.
Japan's assurances that she intends to
turn over to China the concession now
strong. but some members Of the Sem
ate are wondering whether she will not
wait until the expiration of the nine
nine-year lease before doing so.
Evening star., 1914-08-22
100 SHIPS FOR q. S. REGISTER.
Gain Probable if Certain Navigation
Provisions Are SUSPENDED.

II President; Wilson decides to suspend
certain provisions Of the navigation laws.
probably 100 foreign-built vessels will ap-
ply for American registry under the bill
just enacted.
The laws Involved require watch Off
GERS to be American citizens, and that
survey. inspection and measurement of
vessels admitted ITO American registration
must be made by officials.
This opinion was expressed by Acting
Secretary Sweet Of the Department of
Commerce. who conferred with Commits
sioner Chamberlain Of the navigation bu-
reau and representatives Of masters,
mates and pilots organizations, the Unit
ed Fruit Company and other steamship
companies. Mr.. Sweet is proposing rec
concentrations for the President.
THE bureau of navigation is drawing
up regulations under the new law" Mr.
Sweet said. lone Of the most difficult
points is that relating to the procedure to
be adopted In the case Of vessels sold
while they are In far-on ports 1t is
quite likely we will work out a plan by
which American consuis may act in such
instances"
The bureau has received word from col
lectors of customs at New York, San
Francisco and other large ports that a
number Of foreign vessels are ready to
come under United States registry as
soon a. details of the transfers are an
nounced.
Evening star., 1914-08-22
many M|SHAPS MARK
START Of AUTO RACE
Three Cars Put Out in First Lap Of
.Elgin Contest-Wishart
Badly Hurt.

ELGIN. ILL.,, August 22.--L. Fountain
took the pole and the lead at the start
of the 300-mile automobile race for the
Elgin national trophy today, but as he
finished the first lap Dearborn was
close behind. Mishaps began almost
with the start of the race. and three
cars were put out OF it on the FIRST lap,
the machines driven by shrunk. It'd
marsh and Walker being forced to
withdraw. Spencer Wishart was re-
ported badly injured by the overturn-
ing Of his car. Andrew Kellman,
Wishart's mechanician, also was in
jured. The car turned over at station
No. 3, and both men were pinned under
1t. Wishart was in the lead at the
time Of the accident.
Thirty thousand persons watched the
race.
The cars stood as follows at the end
Of the hrst six laps: Wishart, 1887:
Wilcox, 1880: Burman, 41:24; Pullen,
41:43, and Rickenbacher, 41,53.
On the sixth lap Burman. who man.
aged to get his car into condition Just
before the race. started, was taken ill
and Mulford took his place at the
wheel.