Grand Forks daily herald and the evening times., 1914-07-03
THE BUSINESS WCMAN'S
AUTO MISBEHAVES,
By e. X. Wooley.


Copyright, 1914, T. X. Wooley.)
My friend the Business Woman was
punching her typewriter with a vim
that threatened d~isintegration of the
machine. On her brow was a froWn
Of concentration. She looked so busy
that l hesitated to interrupt her. But
when she saw me she greeted me eff
fusively.
II was just wishing she said, that
I could tell my troubles to some
body"
Love affair" I queried facetious-
ly.
"worse'n that. It's that old auto
mobile of NINE"
mobile isn't old. It's shriekingly new.
Also, she has boosted so insufferably
Of its PROJECTIONS. and l have suffered
SO considerably from frequent excur-
sions in it, that l grinned fiendishly
over the implication that the beloved
machine had it's faults. BY the way,
an enthusiastic auto owner, I've dis
covered, Is more of a nuisance thar
the garden enthusiast. The garden
enthusiast occasionally brings You
flowers and vegetables. as some re-
payment for listening to his rhapso-
dies. The auto wner takes YOU for
rides and puts you on the verge of
nervous prostration.
An automobile" pursued the Bust
ness Woman, lis like a spoiled child,
or a pet dog, that you've patiently
trained to perfection. You go around
Dragging about the stunts it can do.
and you make everybody sore because
they didn't succeed in getting such a
good machine as yours.
Il suppose I've been insufferable,"
unused the Business Woman, but that
little machine Of mine certainly was
a humdfnger. 1t is now, for that mat
ter, but j wish l knew what makes
1t act up when I have company l
want to impress. The minute I want
my automobile to perform for the
benefit Of somebody to whom I've
boosted Of it's eXcellences it goes back.
Il had a visitor from another city
the other day. He's an awfully nice
man-wc started u business career
in the same Office and he's risen to be
of real importance in the world.
invited him out home to dinner and
told him Id take him for a ride
through the parks in my machine.
Then told him what a dandy ma
chine it was.
well, I want to tell you that I
hadn't left the garage five minutes
when the engine stopped. NV visitor
got out and cransed up. We went
along for another five minutes. En-
CINE dead again. At every busy street
Intersection the engine stalled in the
middle of the traffic, and l held up
street cars and vehicles while the po-
llceman funed and my visitor crank
ed. SAY sweated blood-or maybe
1t was gasoline, for think my blood's
turned to it since I have that car.
That poor man cranked up that
miserable machine all the way home,
and when he was ready to go back ia
his hotel and I offered to take him
down to the car in the machine, he
said he thought it was such a nice
evening ned enjoy the walk. He
went away holding his right arm as If
it hurt. 80 49,
THE next day the automobile was
as perfect as ever.
Yesterday I had another visitor
an important member of the firm.
took him for a drive around the
parks, which he seemed to enjoy, and
the engine worked like a dream that's
too good to come true. But just when
l congratulated myself that all was
we'll, I got a puncture.
my guest was very nice about it.
He got himself all dirty putting in a
new tube, which I was lucky enough to
have. In fact, 7 think he Y rs rath-
er proud of the feat. All would have
been we'll again, if we hadn't got an
other puncture. IT was too, too much.
had no more ne" inner tubes, /
didn't want him to repair the pune
tured one. SO I bowled blithely along
on a flat tire until | got to a garage,
and then was charged a dollar by a
greasy man who fixed the tire. I
thought the price outrageous, but my
guest insisted on paving it out OF his
W pocket.
1T made me so that /
scorched him back to his hotel on the
toughest street in town. Say" my
friend the Business Woman turned an
anxious face toward me do you
think I'm getting an automobile
face?"
We'll, I opined. "it might be a good
idea to ride on the street cars for a
few days.