davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Calhoun chronicle. [volume] (Grantsville, W. Va.) 1883-1984, 1914-07-02
SPRINT TWO MILES TO WE'D
Couple Take the Railroad Track for
II, While Father Goes Over the
Wagon Route.

Gibson, La Running almost all the
two miles from Bonner. Milwar Ago
and Miss Corinne Boudreaux sought
out the justice OF the peace here
and before taking time to catch their
breath went through a hurried mar
riage ceremony. which was concluded
just as the irate father of the bride
drew up in a wagon after wild ride
over a circuitous route.
The bride and bridegroom had taken
the railroad. which is just half the
distance of the muddy road traversed
by Mr. Boudreaux. They managed to
duck out OF town just as he was enter
ing along the main street. and are be-
lieved to have returned TO Bonner.
The townspeople were attracted by
the running couple as they entered
half an hour before "old man Boud-
reaux" and did what they could to IA
cilitate matters for the bridal pair,
who had their sympathy.
Between the time of their arrival
and the arrival of Mr.. Boudreaux the
people were in an uproar. The affair
proved the sensation OF the month
The Calhoun chronicle. [volume] (Grantsville, W. Va.) 1883-1984, 1914-07-02
HOME LOOKED GOOD TO HIM
Boston Man Returns From Tunis After
Thrilling Experience
With Arabs.

Ihere never was a man who showed
more happiness to touch foot on native
soil than Percival Roberts OF Boston,
graduate of Oxford college. England
and an alumnus OF the Harvard law
school. who arrived at Boston from
Naples. Mr.. Roberts had hurried to
Italy after having been chased on
camel back by wild Tripolitan bandits
who swooped down on him and his
party's pack camels and household
goods when they were camping on the
border OF the desert south of Sfax, In
the interior OF Tunis.
Italian soldiers had driven a flying
squadron OF untamed Arab horsemen
and cut-throats across the Tunis bord-
er, and when the pack of Infatuated
savages caught sight of the Roberts
party 1t charged the camp with wild
yells and blazing rifles.
Roberts embarked on the first ship
OF the desert he could locate in his
frantic rush for a conveyance and
swayed and rolled on camelback over
the dry sands OF the desert for ten
miles before he could make his geta.
way. His three friends, two French
men and an Englishman, got off In diff
ferent directions. all aboard the swift
racing camels which had carried them
into camp.
The Calhoun chronicle. [volume] (Grantsville, W. Va.) 1883-1984, 1914-07-02

Algy-W'y won't Stanley ire me
any more? e said l was the best q
ever saw at sentimental love scenes.
Madge Madigan-You were too
timid. He said because you had Your
only suit on was no reason YOU
shouldn't have let the hook and lad.
der truck run over you when they was
making The Fire in the Fireworks
FACTORY" You spoiled that film.
Algy-So they'd rather spoil me
than the film, eh? I'll starve first.
Madge Madigan-I wish you could
see the Juvenile we have in Aley's
place, Oracle. Some boy. He's bring.
ing his mother and sisters to the show
10 see me tomorrow. II looks like I'll
De marrying well-to-do. after all.
Oracle Dugan-Aint IL grand Won
didn't marry Algy when he proposed
last week? 1t pays to walt. / realize
that more and more every day.
Lew Dugan-You know II paid To
wait for me, Oracle.
Oracle Dugan-But then, don't
know what / missed, either.
Dad Wadell-What is the fare To
Louisville, Mr.. Dugan?
Booking Agent (entering) Say.
Dad. want to go to Louisville?
Copyright. 1914, by w. q ChaDman m.
matte Rights Reservoir
The Calhoun chronicle. [volume] (Grantsville, W. Va.) 1883-1984, 1914-07-02

and he wants refined, educated gen.
tleman to ballyhoo in front of the pit
show
Dad Wadell-And what, may / ask,
is a pit show?
Lew Dugan--Its a snake tent.
"Denizens of Densest Jungles," he
calls It, With "Fangs, the Conqueror
of Rebellious, Revolving Reptiles!"
Eddie Gaylord is going to be Fangs
till he RECEIVERS from the drop he got
on the trapeze last season.
Dad Wadell-What would refined
gentleman be doing with an aggrega-
ton of that caliber?
Lew Dugan--He's got to put over
some choice language. Get the crowd
In on his college talk about science
and all that. It's easy for gentle
man with education like me and you.
We have vocavalry.
Algy--I could tike go at It. I'm a
gentleman and a scholar, y know.
Oracle Dpgan--Lew gave some high
class oratory when he was spleler with
Weidon's side show last season. They
had "Puzello. the Man or Mushroom
from Madagascar"
Lew Dugan--I made some speeches
with that outfit that made II classical.
often seen college professors in the
crowd turn away with jealousy. 1t
was over their heads.
Algy-Did y read up on your sub
ject, oil man?
Lew Dugan--Not at all. 1t was regu-
lar extemperunious.
Oracle Dugan--Let 'em hear some OF
II, Lew-the real educated langwidge.
Lew Dugan-My voice amt very
good today. cought a cold the same
time cought that flyer out OF Padu.
cab II went something like THE
Friends and neighbors"-always say
friends and neighbors, II makes EN-
feel as II you grew up in the same
town together. Friends and neigh
bors, n you came here tonight to pass
the time IN idle gaiety, don't want
to talk to you. If you came here 20
laugh, to be frivolous. pass on to exit
billions OF that nature. But! II
you're here to learn, to see something
such az the eye Of manor woman
either--has never witnessed in the his
tory Of the world, want to give you
the benefit OF my knowledge II you
want something to think about. some
thing 70 ponder on, something % tell
your grandchildren and their grand
children. let me explain the marvel OF
science and anthopolology in your
midst--Puzello, is he man or mush-
room? Where I was educated. at the
University OF Paris"
Dad Wadeli--Are you sure II was
Paris? / remember
AIgy-Go on. that's like Oxford
stun, BY jove never card better at
Eton.
Lew Dugan (contlnuing)- Where I
wac educated, at the University OF
Paris, q fund was established TO send
me to the far corners Of the earth en-
trusted with PUEBLO, man or mush-
The Calhoun chronicle. [volume] (Grantsville, W. Va.) 1883-1984, 1914-07-02
The New Dances

Billy Sunday. the remarkable evan
gelist, was asked after his successful
Philadelphia season what he thought
of the new dances.
What do think of the new
dances?" said Mr.. Sunday, with a
laugh. We'll. let me tell you a story.
"A young man and a girl in evening
dress sat In conservatory. A foun-
tain trickled and gurgled In a marble
basin before them. Palms dropped
their long leaves over them.
The light was dim. Distant music
sounded softly.
suddenly the young man. overcome
by the girls beauty, seized her In his
arms and crushed her madly to his
breast
Why. Mr.. Trevanion, she said.
putting her white hand on his shirt
bosom and pushing him coldly away,
you forget yourself. This sort of
thing isn't proper-here.'
so saying. she took his arm and
they went out on to the ballroom floor
and INDUCED in a Make"
The Calhoun chronicle. [volume] (Grantsville, W. Va.) 1883-1984, 1914-07-02
incubation Of china's Eco.

In its present form the constitution
OF China abolishes the cabinet and con.
verts its members, with single excep-
ton, into departmental chiefs. The
exception is that of secretary Of state
who Is continued in charge of foreign
affairs under the title of "kuo-wuch.
Ing. and whose Office is to be or.
ganized after the model OF the United
States. Other clauses debar the legis.
lature from participation in the max
ing of high appointments or the nego
tiation of treaties and establish a con
sultative board. with which the presi
dent is to determine all financial mat
ters Last, but by no means least, the
president Is declared the supreme
ruler
The Calhoun chronicle. [volume] (Grantsville, W. Va.) 1883-1984, 1914-07-02

ferent from that which they had been
collecting In the hill country near Co
rumba, 20 or 80 miles distant; and
birds swarmed. both species and indi-
viduals. South America has the most
extensive and most varied avi-fauna
OF all the continents. On the other
hand. its mammalian fauna, although
very interesting. is rather poor in
number OF species and individuals and
in the size of the beasts. 1t possesses
more mammals that are unique and
distinctive in type than does any other
continent save Australia; and they are
OF higher and much more varied types
than in Australia. But there Is moth.
ing approaching the majesty, beauty
and swarming mass OF the mammalian
life of Africa and. in less degree OF
tropical Asia; indeed it does not even
approach the mammalian life of North
America and northern Eurasia, poor
though this is compared with the
seethlng vitality of tropical life in the
old world. Until a geologically recent
period. a period extending into that
which saw man spread over the world
In substantially the physical and cul-
tural stage Of many existing savages.
South America possessed varied and
striking fauna OF enormous beasts
sabertooth tigers, enormous lions.
mastodons. horses of many kinds,
camellike pachyderms, giant ground
sloths. mylodons the size of the rhi-
noceros, and many, many other strange
and wonderful creatures. From some
cause, concerning the nature OF which
we cannot at present even hazard a
guess. this vast and giant fauna van
ished completely, the tremendous
catastrophe (the duration of which is
unknown) not being contaminated UNI
til within a few thousand, or a few
score thousand years. - Theodore
Roosevelt in Scribners Magazine.
The Calhoun chronicle. [volume] (Grantsville, W. Va.) 1883-1984, 1914-07-02

/ room. Captured In the wilds or NADIA
gascar by an army OF explorers, this
marvel-whether a man or a mushroom
science cannot tell-has been the enig-
ma OF civilization. For the solution
of this great mystery. friends and
neighbors. there stands In the Bank OF
England prize OF one million dollars
One million! Maybe in this crowd
there is learned man. a smart WON
an. bright boy, a babe in arms who
will solve this riddle OF life. With
each ticket of admissions dime, ten
cents have been ordered to give--in
this town only-a slip on which you
may write your answer and drop In
the box at the door on your way out.
A million may be yours for a dime.
Step this way. Is II man or a mush-
room? Step lively, don't block the
main entrance. Yes, sir, in the Bank
of England. One million. lady. one
million. Drop your answer In the box
on the way out"
Algy-I1l bet y were spoofing.
There wasn't million In the bank at
all.
Oracle Dugan-Algy, 1t would do
you good to see them fighting to get
in after Lewis talk The boobs were
mad about that million.
Madge Madigan (of a sister team)-
Say. Dad want something easy with
no wardrobe necessary? Stanley Ben
der is getting up a movie outfit to go
over on the Jersey side and produce
some African features. They were
loading on the palm trees and Jungle
props when i passed
Dad Wadell-If they reproduce
Macbeth" I'll do the title part for a
suitable emolument.
Oracle Dugan-I couldn't get into
movies because they said II didn't
photo well on the screen. Me, a tall
handsome brunette, after the style OF
Nazimova, only more SO! Me, who
was given $40 and a dozen photos last
week for allowin' a soap company ia
use my picture on the wrappers OF
"Grandma's Old Style Washing Pow,
der!"
The Calhoun chronicle. [volume] (Grantsville, W. Va.) 1883-1984, 1914-07-02
Embarrassing for Rector.

A rector Of certain English church
is a somewhat portly gentleman. and
a little inclined to be pompous. He
owns a small terrier called Rags.
On one occasion last summer Rags
escaped from his guardian and wan
dered into the church just as his mas
ter was facing the congregation, hold
ing up the aims basin in both hands.
That was Rags opportunity He made
bee line for the chancel. and pausing
before his master, whose eyes were
piously elevated to the ceiling. he sat
up and begged!
Delight of the wicked and horror of
the piousi
The Calhoun chronicle. [volume] (Grantsville, W. Va.) 1883-1984, 1914-07-02
TRITE REMARK STIRRED HIM
superfiuous Remark UnweIcome To
Man Who Knew Very Well That
II Was Raining.

It's quite a heavy shower we're
having" he said. cheerily, to the man
who had entered with his clothes
soaked and his umbrella dripping.
Yes. sir" replied the stranger, testt,
ly. st is a heavy shower; but you have
Jailed to remark also the interesting
facts that the shower is falling down
ward from above, that it's wet show
or. and that 1t is raining on both sides
OF the street. Also you have neglected
20 observe that this is the year 1914,
that the earth is round. and that there
are four seasons each year. But I'm
obliged to you for your information
about the weather"
And the stranger walked away. with
glitter of vindictive triumph In his
eye.
The Calhoun chronicle. [volume] (Grantsville, W. Va.) 1883-1984, 1914-07-02
SHELTER CANCEL" UNAWARES
eesgsr Leaves $4,000 to a Pennsyi-
vsnls Family That 5efriended
Him When Sick.

Sunbury. Pa.-For their Kindness
and self-sacriaco." Mr.. and Mrs.
George Smith were bequeathed nearly
$4,000 by the will OF John Fell. a beg
gar at Northumberland The will was
probated, shortly before relatives Of
Fell arrived at Northumberland 20
contest the document
Fell. who was believed TO be almost
penniless. went TO the home OF the
Smiths several days ago and asked for
shelter He said he was friendless;
that he felt III and believed he WAS
going to die. Although the Smiths
had only one bed, they gave II to the
old man and themselves slept on the
floor.
The next day Mrs. Smith said Fell
gave her a check for S5O7 on a North
cumberland bank and 55 In cash Be
fore he died he made a will, leaving
his entire estate, said to consist of
$1,000 In a Wilkesbarre bank and
stocks valued at $500. to the Smiths.
The Calhoun chronicle. [volume] (Grantsville, W. Va.) 1883-1984, 1914-07-02
Nothlno 70 Wear.

The lates fashion in evening
gowns Is very remarkable. This gown,
In fact, has no back, positively no
back. From the waist up the wearer's
back 10 bare. II is reported OF the
late Frederick Townsend Martin that
seeing a number of these gowns for
the frst time at ball at the Ritz
In London, he stroked his mustache.
smiled and murmured to his hostess
I've often heard young ladies' say
they hadn't stitch to their back.
and, as look round tonight, the state.
ment hardly seems to be an exaggera.
tion."
The Calhoun chronicle. [volume] (Grantsville, W. Va.) 1883-1984, 1914-07-02
The FrenzIed eol,,,

A man went forth to play some golf
upon a village green The like OF hts
performance thore had ne'er before
been seen. He tore up turf for yards
around, and all the caddies fed. when
some were struck upon their shins and
others on the head. He broke a dozen
sticks at least, he never could tee of.
and yet he looked so wild and fierce.
nobody dared to sooff. Profanity made
blue the air, he swore with such good
will. Excited folk ran everywhere
The bali alone was still
The Calhoun chronicle. [volume] (Grantsville, W. Va.) 1883-1984, 1914-07-02
SUCCEEDS IN CANADA

An interesting and successful Ameri-
can farmer. Lew Palmer. OF Staveley.
Alta. passed through the city today.
Mr.. Palmer came from Duluth, Mimi.
just ten years ago. and brought with
him four COWS and three horses-and
that was his all. He homesteaded in
the Staveley district. and today has
$50 acres of land, $4,000 worth OF i'm.
plements. "a Percheron horses. made
$1,000 out OF hogs last year. raised
1000 bushels OF wheat. 5000 bushels
OF oats. ~ acres OF potatoes. and IS
tons OF onions. His farm and stock is
worth 100000. and he made II all in
ten years.-Erchdn0e.- Advertisement
The Calhoun chronicle. [volume] (Grantsville, W. Va.) 1883-1984, 1914-07-02
TELLS OF BRAZILIAN JUNGLE
Colonel kuoseveit Graphically De-
scribcs Forests OF South Amer
lean Republic.

New York.-Then for miles we rode
through beautiful open forest of tall.
slender caranda palms. with other
trees scattered among them. Green
paroquets with black heads chartered
as they flew; noisy green and red par.
rots climbed among the palms. and
huge macaws. some entirely blue, 9TH
ers almost entirely red. screamed loud
ly as they perched in the trees or took
wing at our approach. II one was
wounded Its cries kept its companions
circling around overhead. The natur-
alists found the bird fauna totally diff.
The Calhoun chronicle. [volume] (Grantsville, W. Va.) 1883-1984, 1914-07-02
DAD WADELL ACCEPTS A Po-
SlT!ON.

Lew Dugan (of Dugan and Dugan)-
Why. hello, everybody. All hangln'
around same as ever. Ell? just fin
fshed the nices. little tour OF my life.
Say. Dad Wadell. you with the tall
forehead reading matter, could have
placed you down In Louisville last
week It's still open
Dad Wadell (who knew Booth-by
stght)-Let me finish this stanza OF
Keats.
Gracie Dugan (of Dugan and Dugan)
That's What's leavin' you where you're
at, Dad. Spendin' all your spare time
readin' those dead ones. Why don't
you shine up to some OF Phil Spacer's
stun In the Morning Screamer? All live
news about the prominent ones In the
profession. Lew, show 'em the clip
ping where it said: Oracle Dugan
Sues u. &c A Railroad for $4,000. A
Pullman Porter Threw Her Pet Pome-
ranian Poodle Out a Car Window as
the Train Was Passing Over the Della
ware. The Porter Claims the Beast
bit Him In the Afternoon and He Act
ed In Self Defense" Imagine what
that publicity means to Dugan and
Dugan! Wen be on the big time In q
week.
Aigy-What do y mean, y lost yer
dog? Instead OF the 'ound y want the
ole railroad. Fancy an animal at that
price!
Oracle Dugan-It amt the dog. Algy
It's my feelings. Imagine seeing the
puppy / raised from weinerwurst,
you might say. snatched in his slum-
Der and hurled into the surging river.
1t was turrible. II amt the $4,000
for the dog. All but 25 OF It is for my
nervous breakdown
Dad Wadell-Were they reviving
the plays OF Booth and Barrett at
Louisville, Mr.. Dugan?
Lew Dugan-Naw. This was legiti-
mate stun. A snake exhibit. Tom
Ring is putting out a carnival show
The Calhoun chronicle. [volume] (Grantsville, W. Va.) 1883-1984, 1914-07-02
LANGUAGE Not LIKELY 70 La...

Mistral. the great Provencal poet,
whose death was announced lately.
has been likened to Robert Burns for
the work he did. But Burns task
was child's play compared with Mis-
trails. The Scottish poet found his
language fully grown and completely
alive; Mistral had to create his means
OF expression. Provencal had lost ev-
cry resemblance to literary tongue.
and the new poet-patrlot had to mold
it afresh. to re-create and to build up
on the ruins left by the vineyard and
the farm. Our Provencal,' said Mis-
trail, was country lass. ragged and
wild" She is now wonderfully beau
tiful creature; but 1t is doubtful
whether all the genius OF Mistral can
keep her alive. The educational re-
former in France does not like such
irregular beauty.
L.
The Calhoun chronicle. [volume] (Grantsville, W. Va.) 1883-1984, 1914-07-02

That now hired man Of yours must
have been bookkeeper before he
came to you"
why so?"
Il notice that every time he stops
work for a few minutes ne tries TO put
the pitchfork behind his ear. Path.
finder
The Calhoun chronicle. [volume] (Grantsville, W. Va.) 1883-1984, 1914-07-02
Not That Sfinax

Hogan" propounded Schmidt. IF
hen unit half laidt an egg unit a
half day. how long vouldt it dake
hen to lay half an egg?"
"A him." promptly responded Pat.
"wud scorn to short change her own
er by layin' half an egg. An nobody
but tightfist wud liver think av such
a thing."-Judge.
The Calhoun chronicle. [volume] (Grantsville, W. Va.) 1883-1984, 1914-07-02
Justice 10 the Word.

Church, see the New York Lo-
gal Aid bureau for a fee of ten cents
furnishes lawyer to assist immi-
grants and poor persons in obtaining
Justice.
Gotham-Now. just look at that!
And l know men who have spent
thousands OF dollars to get Justice
and they're still out of Jail
The Calhoun chronicle. [volume] (Grantsville, W. Va.) 1883-1984, 1914-07-02
Anxloua Moment

Lucille (earnestly)-Karl, want
to ask you one question.
Karl (also earnestly)-what is Il,
sweetheart?
Lucille (more In earnest than ever)
Karl, II you had never met me,
would you have loved me Just the
same?-Life
The Calhoun chronicle. [volume] (Grantsville, W. Va.) 1883-1984, 1914-07-02
A Better plan

THE people next door play the
graphophone necessarily"
Still they seem kind-hearted. They
have offered to loan us any records
we like"
Il should prefer to borrow some of
those we don't like, and thus get them
out OF commission for a few DAYS"
The Calhoun chronicle. [volume] (Grantsville, W. Va.) 1883-1984, 1914-07-02
Not OUT Of place

Twamley-Wouldn't girls look funny
II they had mustaches on their lips? ?
SAMMY guess they have them
there pretty often, but the lights
are generally turned too low to see IL
they look funny.
The Calhoun chronicle. [volume] (Grantsville, W. Va.) 1883-1984, 1914-07-02

Nav Has the Last Word.

Willie-Paw, Is there a man In the
moon?
Paw-No. my son. 1t is a woman.
Willie-But NAV says there is a
man in the moon
Paw-Your NAV is wrong. II 1t
was a man II wouldn't change so
often.
Maw-You go to bed, Willie.
The Calhoun chronicle. [volume] (Grantsville, W. Va.) 1883-1984, 1914-07-02
up-to-Date

Church, hear you've got q new
up-to-date typewriter.
Gotham-That's what I've got
us she blonde or brunette?"
Neither; green wig!"
The Calhoun chronicle. [volume] (Grantsville, W. Va.) 1883-1984, 1914-07-02
First ThInu In Nature.

Every investigation which is guided
by principles of nature fixes Its ulti-
mate aim entirely on gratifying the
stomach.-Athenaeus
The Calhoun chronicle. [volume] (Grantsville, W. Va.) 1883-1984, 1914-07-02
Its Place..

This is a rasping sort OF letter
Where shall put it,"
ON the file, OF course"
The Calhoun chronicle. [volume] (Grantsville, W. Va.) 1883-1984, 1914-07-02
A Brick.

Hez-I've often thought what a dan
dy partition n donkey would mako.
Silss-Walls have ears, you know.
The Calhoun chronicle. [volume] (Grantsville, W. Va.) 1883-1984, 1914-07-02

Certainly women have been known
to stop talking for the purpose Of
thinking.
The Calhoun chronicle. [volume] (Grantsville, W. Va.) 1883-1984, 1914-07-02

For the man with q chip on hil
shoulder-get an ak.
The Calhoun chronicle. [volume] (Grantsville, W. Va.) 1883-1984, 1914-07-02

Ten smiles for nickel Always buy Red
Cross Ball Blue; have beautiful clear white
clothes. Adv.
The Calhoun chronicle. [volume] (Grantsville, W. Va.) 1883-1984, 1914-07-02

Washerwomen in Alabama are COM
PEELED to register their names with tho
city health departments.
The Calhoun chronicle. [volume] (Grantsville, W. Va.) 1883-1984, 1914-07-02

Anyway, man never sits down ON
the floor when he puts on his hosiery.
The Calhoun chronicle. [volume] (Grantsville, W. Va.) 1883-1984, 1914-07-02

Mothers Check Babies While VOTING
White Plains. N. Y.--At school
election for directors. women checked
their babies In an adjoining room and
then voted The "woman's ticket
vac elected unanimously.
The Calhoun chronicle. [volume] (Grantsville, W. Va.) 1883-1984, 1914-07-02
Practises watchfuI WAITING.

How often do you cut your grass %
Every time my neighbor has his
iawnmower sharpened."
The Calhoun chronicle. [volume] (Grantsville, W. Va.) 1883-1984, 1914-07-02

Love is considered the ruling pas
sion, but occasionally the almighty dol
lar administers n terrific jolt
The Calhoun chronicle. [volume] (Grantsville, W. Va.) 1883-1984, 1914-07-02

No man can talk quite SO eloquently
rs his money
The Calhoun chronicle. [volume] (Grantsville, W. Va.) 1883-1984, 1914-07-02

Misfortune Is no respecter of per.
sons-and neither is fortune. for the
matter OF that