Fergus County Democrat., 1914-05-26
Luke Mcluke Saws

you nave to Slnge man three or four
times before he gets wise.
The trouble with trying to kill two
birds with one stone is that both birds
usually get away.
l may be finnicky, but never could
see where big stick pin ever i'm
proved the looks of a dirty necktie.
And there are not nearly as many
Don Juans in this country as the aver
age barroom conversation would lead
you to believe.
Tell girl she hasn't any brains IL
you want to. But for the love of Mike
don't tell her that she is homely.
These kind of days make man feel
like big boy, and give him sneak
ing desire to play hooky from work.
Some m1sfortunes make the whole
world kin. But after man has
sprained his back working hard all
day you can't expect him to shed tears
because some other man broke his
arm while cranking his automobile.
married man often fools himself
into the belief that his excuses are be-
l1eved when they are merely endured.
AS long as there is pretty mono
gram engraved on the back of her
watch woman never cares whether
1T keeps time or not.
The feminine desire to get her
moneys worth never induces a woman
to have her skirts made too large.
Politicians and husbands are always
making promises that they have no
idea of keeping.
Some men seem to devote all their
time tn piVinU tho
Sometimes man has no peace of
mind because his wife is always Civ
Ing him piece of hers.
Here is real guessing contest. If
iather goes downtown for a quart Of
pooze, q deck Of cards, a box of poker
chips, sack Of tobacco and spool
of No. so white thread, which article
Is he going to forget?
The old-fashioned boy who used to
get penny for turning the handle OF
the clothes wringer for his mother on
wash day, now has a son who cusses
every time he has to crank up his auto
engine.
After watching male thing with a
watch on his wrist and handkerchief
in his sleeve and passionate green
feather in the back of his hat, it is
certainly mighty hard to dig up any
thing against what the women are
wearing.
When a man spends Is cents
round for drinks and then refuses his
children few nickles to go to a pic
ture show because they are spending
money on foolishness, his batting
average as good fellow would be
about OBSERVATION-DISCLOSURES II | was the Of
fetal scorer.
This Is a free country. That is The
reason why man who wears side
Whiskers thinks he has license to
laugh at Chinaman who wears a pig
tail.
After one of the common herd has
lodged nine speed-crazed machines
when he is trying to get on street
car, you can't blame him for grinning
when he hears an automobile tire ex-
plode.
II girl calls you cheap skate, or
liar or dead one, there is still
chance for you. But If she ever an
nounces that you are "No gentleman"
you might as well beat it. There's no
hope.
1t often happens that the man who
ing to get by traffic officer will get
ride in friends automobile and be-
gin cussing the traffic officer for hold
ing up the automobile crowd.
Racing is great game If you know
how to play it. A fellow soon learns
that the president Of the Can't Lose
club and the treasurer of the Sure
Thing association are always trying to
borrow a dollar SO they can get
ticket on the last race.
And, by the way, what has become
or the old-fashioned tout who borrowed
your lead pencil SO he could ask you
what Jockey WhizZer's brother was
betting one
If you ran for president of the Be
Good and Behave society you couldn't
get your face into newspaper unless
you paid advertising rates. But If you
get drunk and shoot few dozen peo-
pie the newspapers will bid against
one another for the only photo of your
mug in your home.
This is a queer world. A three-ring
circus evangelist can gain fame and
wealth by Dragging about what an
ornery pup he used to be. But If an
othre man tried it he would be boy.
cotted.
Ireland hasn't anything on a mar
ried man in wanting home rule and
not getting it.
A new bride always has a queer
ceiling about spending any of her hus
)ands money. But it is wonderful
low soon she gets over Cincinnati
Enquirer.