The Caldwell tribune. [volume] (Caldwell, Idaho Territory [Idaho]) 1883-1928, 1914-01-09
Selectinga
Wife
By Competitive
Examination
BY F. A. MITCH L

would be very rlcn. lndeeu, news
paper stated that the estate would
round up 100000 Scarcely had this
item appeared than all the girls Billy
had ever known began to show him
attention. aud those who hadn't bis
acquaintance sought introductiOns that
they might enter the race for Billy
and his million. 1t was not long
before he counted ten pairs OF en-
broidered slippers arranged In a row
on n shelf In his closet and twelve
dozen handkerchlefs with the letter
"S'' worked In one corner that had
been sent him by asplrants for his
hand.
One night after coming in from the
theater Billy sat down to look over his
engagement book and found that for
the coming week he had invited three
different girls to go to the opera with
him on the same evening was to take
out four In his car on one afternoon
and was equally entangled as to his
calls. Throwing the memorandum
book on his desk, he pushed back his
chair and sat In deep thought
This thing has gone far enough" he
said to himself. "All the girls know
want to marry me, and those who
don't know me would want to marry
me II they did know me- It's got to
stop. that's all there is about tits
got to stop. But how am | going to
stop It? l might have an item pub
lished that my fortune hasn't PANIED
out as well us was expected and in
stead Of $4,000 year I'll have to get
on with beggarly $4,000 This would
throw of the girls who want an estab.
lishment but there are lots of them
who would argue that tenth of a loaf
Is better than none Besides, | doubt
If they would believe the statement,
especially If l spend my income. No
that plan won't work.
Suppose ] marry one Of these girls
--that'll settle 1t. And | might as well
marry now as later 1t would save me
lot of temptation. I'd have a home
to loaf In instead OF a club, and I'd
be fulfilling the natural requirements
Of a properly constituted existence.
The beasts and the birds mate-why
not man? I'll do it. I'll marry one
of these girls, and that will head off
all the rest.
But which one shall marry2
There's Lou Clarke, and Hattie Allen,
aud Bessie Trask, and Helen Wartleld,
and lot of others, Lou would love
me dearly, know, but she's not very
bright, and | might tire of her. Hat
tie, I'm afraid, is too smart. She would
get ahead of me every time, Bess is
u scatter Drained creature, always jok-
Ing. She's delightful as a companion,
but I'm afraid that If my fortune
should slip away from me she'd pawn
the clock and go on with her jokes
Helen is too confoundedly serious, She'd
always be looking at things in mat
ter Of fact way,
what fine thing 1t would be II
could find girl that should have
fair amount of all the desirable traits
without having too much of any one
of them. She should be jolly, but Sc
rious at the serious times She should
be fairly intellectual, so that l might
be able to talk with her on ordinary
topics Of the day without her telling
me every few minutes that she knew
more than l. She should be fond of
children, as am. Availability should
place as her first requisite.
~ know way that could find out
something about these qualifications
In the woman who would make me
good wife, but I'm afraid the girls
wouldn't chime in with It When a
congressman is loaded down with APP
plicatlons for West Point or Annapolis
what does he doG Why, he submits
the matter to competitive examination
and gives the appointment to the boy
whose papers are the best. 1t would
be just the thing In my case, but girls
are so uppish that they wouldn't sub
NIT to It.
Yet I'm not so certain about that
where there is a million dollars at
stake A girl will knuckle down to
good deal where she has a choice
on the one side,Nof. hammerlng a type
writer all day or examining knowledge
into the heads of children, who hate
knowledge and love candy, and. on the
other, Of spending her share OF $50.
600 year. | have mind to try it."
Taking a pencil, he amused himself,
writing out some questions suitable to
his matrimonial purpose He wrote
down a number of them, scratching
out some and substituting others or
changing his wording, and at last
threw down his pencil. apparently
quite satisfied with his work This
was his examination list:
First.-State what you consider the
first duty of wife.
Second.-Write something humorous.
Third.-Are you new woman or
an old one7
Fourth.-Have you many or few rel
ativesi State their ages and sex.
Fifth.-What is your ageT
Sixth.-f your husband should come
home tired and cross. what reception
would you consider II your duty to
give hlm2
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