davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Omaha daily bee., 1914-10-07

The most interesting car in the city
today is this new-model HUDSON.
All motorists should see it.
1t has many features not yet found
in any other car.
1t has beauty all its own. In big
things and little it shows the skill and
the pains Of great engineering corps
Omaha daily bee., 1914-10-07

In finished way it shows the HUD-
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1914-08-30

spread from State to State in a week.
II isn't a question Of money, but OF char
acter. am simply to lend my influence
TO be one OF the stepping-stones, as II
were"
Well you'll get stepped on fast
enough! Your committee Is ringing the
doorbell. and I'll go upstairs. Don't get
so excited over reform as to put mort
gage on the furniture"
Mr.. Bowser received the committee.
There were five OF them. They were
headed by an ex-alderman who had de-
liberately sacrificed a 81 ticket to a box
ing match in the interests Of political
reform. Even before all the gentlemen
had taken their seats he whispered in
Mr.. Bowser's ear:
Say. old man, II on want this move
ment to be a success you want to bring
up decanter and glasses. The boys are
expecting something at least seven years
old"'
Mr.. Bowser turned pale. but said moth
ing in reply. Neither did he produce the
antidote for dry cotton. When the COM
mittee were seated he looked them over
and mentally rejoiced that Mrs Bowser
had not caught sight of them. Then he
said:
Gentlemen. as was given to under
stand this thing this afternoon. the idea
is reform in politics."
That's it, chorused the I'VE.
We propose TO start q wave OF re-
form which shall roll from Maine to
Texas"
I'VE do"
81 am no politician. as informed your
delegate. I have never held a political
once in my life. There have been years
at a time when have not even gone TO
the polls to vote"
But you are an honest. respectable
man and desire honest Methods said
the eX-alderman-
Yes: can say that"
Then you are the man for US. and
we'll figure a bit You don't happen to
have anything in the house to drink.
eh?"
II haven't"
You ought to be prepared for the wave
OF reform. but We can all go out to a
saloon after the business is done. I've
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1914-08-30

the result of the call may change our
whole life"
What sort OF callers?"
Gentlemen. Of course. There will be
from three to five. Yes, this evening
may be considered an epoch in our his
tory"
IF there are any epochs going on, I
should like to know what they are.
Hadn't you better explain matters?'
Mr.. Bowser walked up and down for a
few minutes with dignified tread. and the
family cat. which had been sleeping on
the lounge. opened her eyes in a lazy
way and watched his movements. BY
and by he turned and said:
Mrs Bowser. you are no politician.
OF course, but you may possibly under
stand that Just at this moment the poll
tics OF this country Is corrupt beyond
comparison
Il think understand that" she re-
piled.
Unless a change Is made for the bet
ter we shall be disgraced before the eyes
of the world as a nation. What we want
is a wave OF reform"
And are you going TO start to waveT'
she sarcastically queried.
Il am-that is, I probably am. The
gentlemen are coming here this evening
to talk about II. II. in their judgment.
am the proper person, shall have the
honor of setting the wave in motion. I
am for honest politics and a pure admin
istration."
81 thought It was some such nonsense"
she slowly replied.
ION three or four occasions you have
mixed in politics and made a donkey Of
yourself. but it seems you haven't got
enough"
There you are! That's you" he ex-
claimed in tones which jumped the cat
TO the floor. IF had a plan to put a
Bible into the hands OF every heather on
earth, you'd oppose IT, I was an ass
to say anything to you about it,
Mr. Bowser you have been voting
for thirty years. Have you ever known
honest reform in politics?"
'Of course have"
Never! There is no such a thing
It's the same thing over and over again
each year. II anybody has made you
believe that you can bring about any
change for the better. they have taken
you for a fool. Why. when they wanted
you TO run for alderman in this ward
on reform ticket, they wanted a fund
Of $1,000 to buy up votes and pay saloon
bills"
But this is different" he protested.
What is wanted is moral influence.
Let twenty-five good men band together
to purify politics. and the movement will
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1914-08-30

nantly. Wall. shoot me fur a Chiny-
man, IL I kin believe it, Yere hey l,
Jim Peters. a-honored Shantyville all my
life by jest staying in the old town. an
yit when die We jest dump me in the
ground an let weeds grow over me,
An what's wUss-whats the climax-ye
let a big hole chock full O. alter stay
thar too. Jest think O. it-water on
Jim Peters grave
But. but. Jim" some one tried to ex-
plain after a moment OF deep silence. we
see"
Don't hev nothin' 10 say. We engrate-
full galoots,' he broke in savagely as he
mounted his hronCho in a towering rage
no monument-no headhoard-no flowers
no green grass. Nothin' but weeds an
sticks an rocks an a puddle o. water
lies on the grave OF a kuss OF my repu-
tashun, I might hev overlooked all the
rest. but the water ar the climax.
Water on Jim Peters grave, Water
when he hadn't drunk a drop fur ten
vars"
And he pointed his pony's head fur
the prairie and rode away with a most
injured look, and the town of Shanty-
vile knew him no more.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1914-08-30
Then 1t Was A Cow

At Farmer selig's found tears and
sorrow over the loss Of a COW. When the
family begged for a poem I was minded
to refuse. as was way behind my sched-
ule, but when I remembered that Shakes
peare was dead and that I alone was
left to cheer. got hustle on and in
vented the following:
TT is Of Farmer Selig's COW
That I sit down to write;
And the tragedee that did take place
The other lonesome night
while slept the husband and the wife
While slept the children eight;
While slept the watchdog at the door,
There came the tramp of Fate.
The COW was lying on the grass
A chewing Of her cud;
And feeling happy for to know
Her name II wasn't mud
When all at once al odor came
A-stealing DER the lea;
1t was the odor Of the corn
When 1t the sweetest be.
The COW arose and did a glide
And soon was at the fence;
Green corn galore there was to eat,
And it did beckon hence.
"on hinder legs the COW arose,
To answer that ere beck;
But as she landed 'tother side
Twas with a brocken neck"
by henr' said Mr.. Selig.
It's wuth it's weight in gold!' added
the wife.
Ma, buy me one!" whined the Oldest
child.
And I resumed my route feeling that Il
shouldn't kick II my salary was cut
square in two
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1914-08-30

OF summers day this bull did stand
A-swftching of the flies:
It was so calm and peaceful like
He almost closed his eyes.
But presently he heard a sound
Upon the Kings Highway;
It was the music Of a band
And loudly it did play.
Now by the sainted whiskers
That old Jonah used to wear:
It's Just such noises on the road
That always make me swear.
They think to blum me with their toots,
And with their beating drums:
But can they do It? No. by John
Not by forty dums!
He jumped the fence-he took the road,
Defiance loud he hurled:
He paved the earth-he beloved loud,
And that ere tail he twirled-
1t was an auto that bore down
AS bore the Johnstown food;
The road-the fence, and far around
Was covered with his blood"
Mrs. White and her children came out
to hear the poem read when It had been
finished, and there wasn't a dry eye
among the seven. Even the two-year-
old baby was squawling. There is poetry
and poetry, but the poetry that can draw
the tears Is the only kind that doesn't
get frost-bitten in winter or sunstroke
in summer. drove on feeling that it
was good to be alive.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1914-08-30

form. The chirography is fair. Room
and board for ten weeks at 81 per week
makes exactly $40. and there is no mis-.
take there. My dear woman. permit me
to congratulate you. You have a bust.
ness head on you. Had you needed this
money before you would have asked for
it. Not having any need of it. and hav-
ing perfect confidence in my financial
integrity. you have held the bill till this
date. Exactly ten weeks and 500
Yes, sir, SO" replied the landlady as
she moved about uneasy.
While ii is only a trifle." continued
the major as he looked the bill over
AGAIN. 1t should be paid and the books
balanced-that is. il there is anything
coming to you it should be paid at once:
if there is anything coming to me I'll
give you thirty or sixty days to square
up"
But how can there be anything COM
inC to you?" protested the landlady
We cant tell until we have figured
Ny dear woman, my treasure OF a land
lady. let me say a the very outset that
I am perfectly satisfied with your table,
and as for my room kings have had far
worse. If you kindly 90 over the past
in your memory you will admit that I
have not made one single kick Salts
fed. my dear woman, perfectly salts
fed"
Then the bill is all riRht?'
Perfectly all right-couldn't be bet
ter. Let me see? When organized the
Universal Hand Organ trust I let You in
on the ground floor for $4,000 worth of
stock. I believe. That stock ought to
have given you dividends Of at least
5000 a year"
But it didn't, major. The whole thing
busted up, you know
All. I remember. It was not a bust
up, but the Organ Trust was consoli-
dated with the Great American Anti
blizzard syndicate. haven't the books
here. but If my memory serves me right
l presented you with 100000 worth of
stock II your annual income from that
stock has reached the sum Of $1,000
If you have been enabled to purchase
But I never saw any stock" protest.
ed the landlady. You said something
about it one day. but a week later you
claimed that you had dropped the scheme
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1914-08-30
HONEST ABE, u. S. M.
Fall Poetry Has Its Beginning In the Country

I found Farmer White at his gate as
came along there the other morning
on my route. and he was so sober-faced
that called out to him:
Don't tell me that any one is dead?'
Yes. Abel" he solmenly answered.
The wife?"
No"
Which childT"
Get down and come with me"
He led the way around the house to
the barnyard. and pointed to the carcass
OF his bull on the ground.
Cant be asleep?' I queried.
''Yes-asleep in deathp'
BY Georger'
And you've got to write a poem on
him-s mighty solemn poem!"
We sat down on the kitchen steps and
he gave me the particulars and 1 wrote
as follows:
Now Farmer White he owned a bull
1t was in color red;
And tears are springing to our eyes
As We behold him dead
This bull was always on the scrap,
And ready day and night
To have a little shindy with
A critter that would fight
He gored an ox-he kicked a cow
A mule he scared to death;
He tossed a horse some ten feet high,
And make him lose his breath
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1914-08-30
A Living Mans Grave

Everyman in Shantyville firmly believ-
ed that during a general row there one
day old Jim Peters had been shot and
killed. and great was the shock there
fore, when he rode into the town one
morning six or seven weeks after his
supposed body had been buried. For
some time they couldn't believe it was
he. but when this fact had been estab-
lished all sorts Of questions were hurled
at him.
"'Thar's not much tc tell. felIers." he
replied as he looked over the startled
crowd and grinned. Il was shot and
badly wounded in that fuss. but crawl
ed TO a cave I know OF, whar' I hev bin
lynn up fur repairs ever since. So We
planted a Teller ye thought was me. eh?"
We did. Jim he was told.
Wall. that's a burned Gurus mistake
to make Reckon I'll go over and take
a look a my twins grave, jest fur fun. "
Accompanied by half the population Of
Shantyville. Peter went over to the town
cemetery, but as the grave he was sup
posed to occupy was pointed out to him
his face took on serious look as he
asked:
"And-ar' that my last restin' place.
feIlers?"
Supposed to be. Jim" chuckled one
Of the crowd.
But look-a-yere," he continued, how
1t there's no monument above me?'
IA monument. Jim?"
"Yaas, a monument" he snapped.
Hadn't a man with the reputashun l
made yere as a fighter orter hev a mon
ument over him? And what's them
weeds doin' on my grave. I'd like to
know"
lately, an it's bin rair = steady fur two
weeks, and -"
IAN look at that on my grave, will
YER" interrupted the man who hadn't
been killed. as he looked around indig-
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1914-08-30

to be-" asked Mr.. Bowser. as he laid
down the ticket
Speaking. sir" was tho reply. You
| can go about speaking and start the
| wave"
And wave this crowd into office. 1
suppose?"
That's It. and youn find it a paying
Job. too. Here are the figures"
The figures about WHAT"
The profits. sir. There are six of US.
and l figure that there will be at least
! $4,000 TO divide among us per year.
Youu get your whack Of that as straight
as a string. Any campaign funds you
advance are TO be paid back out OF the
pot before II is divided Is that plain 20
II don't think so. We start in 10
reform?''
We do
And We REFORM"
We do"
And then-then what?''
We divide the profits"
But how do we make any profits?''
Why We crowd the other fellows out
and get their places and their chances.
don't we?' A blind man can see that
Got your first speech ready?''
Mr. Bowser had about twenty words to
say in reply. They were words that lift
ed each member OF the committee out
OF his chair and opened his eyes very
wide. Then he headed the procession
down the hall. and the cat brought up
the rear. II was a solemn procession.
There was a painful silence as each
caller put on his hat. All were ready to
go out when the eX-alderman said:
"Old man. you've t'rown dis crowd
down, but don't get giddy over It. We
know how to get event.
Good night strand good night. sir"
stifHy replied Mr.. Bowser as he bowed
each one out and closed the door with
bang.
He was standing in front Of the mantel
when Mrs Bowser came down stairs
and quietly asked:
Il thought heard a roaring. booming
sound down here, and came down to see
II the wave OF reform had been set in
motion"
Mr.. Bowser glared at her. but made no
reply.
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1914-08-30
Jones Knew His Business

Jones'" said the banker as he called
motioned him to be seated. you have
been with US now for about ten years,
haven't your
Yves, sir. IL think It will be ter
years next month, sir.
Exactly. Jones-ten years next month
For long years you have been a faithful
honest employee OF this house"
Thanks. sir. Live tried to be faith
full. sir"
You have. Jones, and you have GER
tainly succeeded. I can't look back in
that time and remember when I ever had
occasion to report you for neglecting
your work.
Thank you. sir"
Il have watched over your interests,
Jones. as l would my own sons'-ad-
hold one OF the best positions in New
York"
You have been very kind, SIR"
mo employe in this bank, Jones. is
more trusted by US than you are. By
the way, Jones. when I was transacting
some important business with that yelled
lady in here the other day and my wife
stood outside the door asking for me.
what was it you said that made her
leave so suddenly
why, sir, told her that you were
holding an important meeting with seven
other men and that 1t would last for
three or four hours, and II you were dis
turbed even for a second 1t might mean
a heavy loss to you
Just so, Jones. see have not over
estimated your ability as a cashier Re-
member. my boy. that some day you
may stand in my shoes in this bank.
That's all today. my boy, except that
you shall have three extra days on your
vacation this yearI"
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1914-08-30

old Dobbin is dead. she'll canter no
more
No more will she ambIe and trot:
No more will she draw the old buggy
along
When the weather it's cold or it's hot.
Her age it was twenty. and add to that
four.
And ne'er did she balk in the thIns:
Now and then she would stumble and
FOIL on her nose.
But that would give you the
thrills.
old Dobbin would neigh. and often
would squeaI
But never a word did she slang:
When the CAD WIS applied and she heard
the get up
Thu response WAS a rapid ge-lang.
III ever she swore we never did hear
II ever she lied 'twant to US:
She never was known to so on a spree.
And it hurt her to hear a man cuss. :
When The swees Bye and Bye on the
organ was played,
And the chorus was pealed to the
breeze;
Old Dobbin would sGueaI as the words
reached the barn.
And with tears in her eyes she would
sneeze.
Her death has LEFT vacant a family.
chair,
Our hearts they are aching and sore:
{ ne has gone to the land where the good
horses go,
And where they haven't to work any
more
ABE. 7 didn't know you had It IN YOU
said Mrs. Shocks. as road the poem.
What
TO write of an old korse in a way to
make the world weep
oh. that is a little gift I have. YOU
have observed that my own tears are
falling"
"Mirandy. add two rolls OF butter to
that bag Of 'tatersT' said the husband
as soon as he could control his voice:
and I drove on wondering why all men
weren't good and innocent
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1914-08-30
Old DObbin This Time

I had some mail for Farmer Shocks,
and blew my whistle for a long minute
before he came around the corner of the
house and beckoned to me.
What is it," asked as I overlook
Linn.
Under an apple tree lay his old white
horse. and surrounding her was the wife
and five children.
Died ten minutes ago." said the farm
er.
TITS too bad
ABE. get to work."
AT what?''
I've been told that you are the only
poet in the world that can write poem
on a dead horse. Hustle with It. and
there'n be a bag 'taters for you when
you come back"
Not for the potatoes, but to keep alive
the sentiment of song in the human
breast, l sat down and wrote on the
cover OF a paste-board box;
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1914-08-30

I don't know what to do. but Nils
dot pail GOD once more Dot Hungarian
band comes hack und Crin'ss eafery drop.
Und shus; ash der crowd goes AWAY
a man comes running to nv place und
calls oUdt:
Say good-by to your wife und children.
for you Ehi. be in state prison in kalt
an hOur"'
Who VI. der natter I says.
who vhas der matter. you scound-eI
you. Don't you put oudt pail OF free
lemonade? Don't my boy come here ind
swill down fife glasses IND when dot
boy comes home don't he yell und boiler
und ham collie. und II costs me g for a
doctor ind medicine! You look oudt
for me, Will put you where some dogs
can't bite you.''
When he goes AWAY take in dot pail
und tear down do sign, but in two
minits a man comes in und says
Hey. cobhler. but where vhas dot
lemonade free to ALL
He vhas all gone" I says.
Den you shall make some more
Make me a pailful. und make him colc"'
But can't do il Dot free lemonade
makes me trohIes. He was TO advertise
my peesness. but nopody appreciates
her"
''Ah. ali! I see your game, You like
to heat me oudt Of my share. CobbIer.
You vhas liar by some clocks. und I
can lick you in two minits,"
Dot man knocks me oafer my bench
und makes my head ache for two weeks.
und when I goes by dot Leetle Tailor
und tells him all ihoUdt him he saws:
''Vhel. Hans. dot vhas a splendid
scheme. und belief you vhas a rich
man by now. but you see We made a
mistake. II a blacksmith shall gif AWAY
free lemonade. he Will make a great
hit. but you vhas a cohbler. uni I guess
you hat to sit on your bench und shmoke
your pipe und wait for peoples 20 come
i'm
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1914-08-30

und hope he Will end me some Gus
toners, but he gifts mad und says:
Look here, cobbier. don't you gif me
some sass! I vhas no drummer to work
oop trade for i shoe shop. Dot sign says
free lemonade, und yet you watch me all
der time while I drink. II dis vhas some
leetle scheme to bea de- poodle den you
had better look o=dt for me-
Den der drug store man next door
comes in. His hair stands oop. und his
eyes stick oudt. und he shakes his fist
at me und yeIli
''Ha! So you would take dot bread
oudt Of my Children mouth. ye selfish
man"
How vhas uot?''
Don't you know I pay six hoonered
dollars for q new $ da 70 ntain dis sum-
mer. und II you gif AWAY lemonade It
keeps my custome-s AWAY. You would
like to rU'- me. b I We shall see! I
Will ak around und tell nopody to
bring you any s':oes to repair. In two
weeks you vhas gone oopT'
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1914-08-30

The grand promoter expected it For
the past week he had observed many
signs that his. landlady had lost conf
dence IN him and was working up her
nerve to present him a bill. His cheer
fulness at the dinner table almost bord-
cred on hilsrity, and as he left the table
he executed a flank movement by say
ing:
My dear woman, IL 1t is not asking
too much, wish you would hand me my
account this evening. don't want TO
occupy your valuable time nor put you
to extra trouble, but 1t SEEMS to me
that We ought TO have a settlement with
out further delay"
He hadn't been in his room two min
utes when the landlsdy followed. She
had the bill in her hand and the light
OF anticipation in her eyes.
"Ah!" said the major as he took the
bill from her hand. Nothing like
promptness in business affairs. Let me
see. The bill itself is made out in proper
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1914-08-30

got our ward ticket made out You see
the boys want me for alderman again.
don't think any OF 'em had reason to
complain OF me when was in
Not much answered one of the
group with great heartiness. Tt was
always a square divide"
And what is my part in the campaign
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1914-08-30

"Or won't the wave start until you
get your whack OF aldermanic stealings?'
she continued.
Mr.. Bowser Easped and choked. but he
could not get out a word. and as Mrs.
Bowser returned TO her room the cat
followed her and left him to wonder
how the bottom had dropped out
The Washington herald. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1906-1939, 1914-08-30
BOWSER HAS CALLERS
But He Decides Not Enter the Political Arena Again

That Mr.. Bowser had something on his
mind was plain enough to Mrs. Bowser
the moment he entered the house. and
all through the dinner hour she saw
that he was anxious to communicate It,
but she expressed no curiosity and held
him OF until they were seated for the
evening. Then she carelessly inquired
IL he had discovered a new spring and
summer tonic.
Il shall have callers this evening"" he
said as he smiled at her benignly. and
The Sauk Centre herald. (Sauk Centre, Stearns County, Minn.) 1886-current, 1914-01-01
LOST PORTION OF FINGER.

Wednesday afternoon of last week
Hugh Wallace, son of the Herald ed
itor, became mixed up with the Inter-
type machine and when the smoke had
rolled away he was minus a portion
Of his third finger on his right hand.
Hugh has entire supervision of the
machine and ss was his usual custom
1:.fter .h~ ra-er is set, he shut the ma
chine down and was q Ing j. 3 thor
ough cleaning. His right hand came
in contact with the knife which trims
the slug and a hurry up trip was made
to Dr.. Lambs office. He is getting
along very fine but will be ont of COM
mission for some time. Meantime
Dad and the boys in the office are
making q bluff at handling the compo-
sition under his supervision.
The Sauk Centre herald. (Sauk Centre, Stearns County, Minn.) 1886-current, 1914-01-01
GRADATIM CLUB.

The Gradatim Club will hold its
next regular meeting at the home of
Mrs. 81. L. Lamb, Wednesday after
noon, January 7th. The following is
the program for the day:
Roll Call-Items About South Am
eps.a.
Lesson Bfyce:,s South America,
Chap. TX to bottom Of Page 1888.
South American Life Chap. XIII.
"The Remarkable Civilization of the
Incas" and Descendants of the Incas"
az argentine and its captal-Jan-
uars Magazines.
Paper-South American Railways.
Reading.
Leader-Mrs. James Norris. !