The Washington herald., 1914-03-25
Statesmen, Real and Near.
Rx Erred c. KELLY

has enabled Representative Peri d. Deck
er. of Missouri. to overcome lifelong
handicap. A little worry is the very thins
he has been needing. Decker is thirty
nine years OF age. but until he got to
worrying about his Appointments he looked
as II he would net be twenty-four until
next autumn. This youthful appearance
has caused him no end Of hardship
When he first began to practice law. he
was Of mature enough vision. but had the
face Of a youth barely old enough for
''long pants"
II was net an uncommon occurrence
for a prospective client to walk into his
ONCE. inquire for the lawyer. learn that
he was st." and then walk right out
again. Naturally this got on Decker &
nerves. and there was no help for him.
He might have raised whiskers as an aid
to mature appearance, but he was toe
high-principied and had tco much self
respect for that So he has struggled on
the best he could against his face.
Lately Decker's postoffice appointments
Nave caused him to lose several nights
sleep. lest he make a needlessly large
number of enduring enmities among the
unsuccessful candidates. One morning
when he arrived at his Office, a friend of
his said
Decker. you've aged in the last month
about ten years"
"Hurray"' shouted Decker "Mebby
I'll soon look as old as i am"
The only Representative. by the way.
who has never allowed a postoffice to
worry him Is Finly Gray. Of Indiana,
Grsy's face is as solemn and scanned as
A,..
over postoffices. Every man who seeks
an appointment by Gray is required by
Finly to sign a pledge binding himself
to be cheerful and loyar' no matter
whether he gets the job or not. II
he doesn't sign the pledge Gray won't
consider him.
Gray follows another cute little idea
in campaigning. He never speaks any
where under the auspices OF any
county political committee. Instead
he goes into a town, hires a telephone
girl to call up every farmer who has
a phone and tell him that the Hon.
Finly Gray is going to speak that
evening. He also has a few hundred
little dodgers printed and hires boys
to distribute them. Promptly at the
appointed hour he gets up and speaks
and tells the multitude that he does
not work with political committees
simply because politics is a thing that
he can't get through his head. But
his success at this line of procedure
seems to Indicate that maybe he is
the craftiest politician of his district.
Representative Johnny Garner. OF
Texas. walked out of the House cham
ber at the close of the session one even
ing accompa MED by a well-known stand
pat member who had that day been MAX
ing a speech bewailing the tendencies Of
the times. He had undertaken to demon
strate that the country is gliding rapidly
and surely TO the eternal bow-wows.
Garner made no reference to the man :
speech or his pessimistic views until they
found themselves on the Capitol terrace
in the midst Of a right successful March
snowstorm. Before them lay a fairy
land Of trees covered with snow.
Look ere. look ere" exclaimed Gar
ner. pointing to the beautiful scene
ahead. .I.emme ask you something
now. Isn't it right nice world. or is
IT,
Something had been said about the
skill with which certain Cabinet OFF,
Ger can do some of the new dances.
Yes" put in Morton Milford. Of the
indianapolis News. Il guess he's eligible.
all right, for membership in the St Nitus
Club
William Jennings Bryan had occasion
the other evening to call up the Washing
ton office Of the Associated Press The
telephone operator Inadvertently gave
him n saloonkeeper.
This is Secretary Bryan" began the
Secretary of State.
THE deuce 1t is" said the saIoonkeeper,
who thought he was being kidded. We'll.
this is President Wilson"
Representative Frank L. Dershem. OF
PENNSYLVANIA. was a travelling salesman
drummer-for nineteen years before
coming to Congress. But he doesn't look
like the jaunty. Ogling. back-slappinG
drummers shown in the comic weeklies.
He looks more like the assistant pastor
of a big church. In fact. he has been a
Sunday school teacher and a prominent
Christian Endeavor worker in his locality
for some years.
THE main thing in selling goods" says
Dershem. lis never 10 go in and ask
man II he wants anything. Just on
hand, the man will probably say he
doesn't. and then he will hesitate to
change his mind. lest he seem vacillat-
ing
President Wilson has a human way Of
discussing COmmonplaces just as if he
weren't President at all. For instance.
the newspaper correspondents went in to
see the President one morning following
severe windstorm that had ragged all
night. and the first thing the President
said was:
We'll. I hope you fellows slept last
night better than l did. thought the
wind was going to blow the house away.
Every time I dozed of there was a rattle
of the winds that made me sit bolt up
right
And so on. Now. when a man hasn't
slept the night before. il is the most nat
urai thing in the world to speak about it
to the first people you meet. So that is
what the President did. And it struck a
responsive chord. for few OF the corre-
spondents had slept well either. 1t pleased
them to know that the White House win
dows rattle list much as apartment
house window9 But the average President
would have thought it undignified to stop
to speak of such trivialities.
Copyright. 1915. by Fred G. Kelly. All rights
reScryed.l