davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1914-05-01

AfUAt~btStltS IL IESuDItStties
The house judiciary committee be-
lieyes that it has the remedy for all
of the evils of the trusts and it has
finally worked out a bill which has
received the O. X. of the administra-
ton. 1t is due to come before the
house of representatives where in
the natural order of things it will be
passed on to the Democratic caucus,
approved and slid through the lower
house with the slightest possible de-
lay. 1t usually takes only few days
for administration measures to go
through the lower branch Of congress
hut the senate-that's different.
The best informed congressman have
been paying little attention to the
prophecies of an adjournment in June
and with the canal tolls matter, the
trust legislation, that most interest
ing treaty with Colombia and war"
on hand, the probabilities are that the
members will be here until about
next September.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1914-07-12
Shore Morals.

UNCHING in an Atlantic City res
- taurant. Beside a window which
looked out on white beach and blue, sun
kissed breakers and girls in bathing suits.
an actor said:
THE Lambs, in their recent whirlwind
tour of dozen cities. made $4,000.
That fact makes me as optimistic about
American prosperity as Cusstard was OPP
timistic about everything.
"Cusstard was a terrible optimist. For
him the dark side didn't exist 1t posi-
lively didn't exist. But one day at the
shore a friend took him aside and
groaned:
"'Oh, these shore morals. These hus-
bands shaving in the heated town while
their wives firt with college boys in
white flannel pants on breezy dunesi
pened Poor Smith, arriving unexpect-
eddy last night. caught Mrs. Smith and
a harvard sophomore spooning on the
beach, and In his jealous frenzy shot
them BOTH
"Cusstard, the optimist, paled and shud-
dered at this news. Then. at once, he
smiled his brave and optimistic smile
again.
what" said his friend You smile,
Cusstard! But. surely. man, you don't
see bright side to this.
"'Oh. yes. I do Cusstard answered
Yes. l do If Smith had turned up the
day before last he'd have shot me in
stead of the college boy
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1914-07-12
The Plural Vote.

SENATOR LA TOILETTE. apropos Of
- certain frank confessions in high
finance" said to a reporter:
Candid. at any rate isn't it? In fact.
it's all SO very candid that it reminds me
of Uncle Wash White.
Uncle Wash had been a servant in
the Carroll family for many years and
SO. when young Charlie Carroll ran for
Congress. he naturally expected the old
man to support him. Charlie was good
deal disappointed. therefore. when. the
day after his defeat. he heard that Wash
had voted against him.
He sent for the old man.
Uncle Wash he said. is II true that
you voted against me yesterday?
Vas. Mars Charles; | done voted de
republican ticket. Uncle Wash admitted.
We'll said the defeated candidate.
I like frankness. anyhow; SO here's a
dollar for your candor.'
Uncle Wash pouched the dollar Then
he scratched his head, chuckled, and
said
Mars Charles. if you's buyin' cam
dor, You owes me TO dollahs mo. kase
voted agip ye five times.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1914-07-12
The Futurist Portrait.

JONAS LIE. the painter, apropos of the
} recent war in New York art circles.
said:
There's a futurist story going the
rounds of the studios, story about Mrs.
Blanc
The beautiful Mrs. Blanc had her por-
trait done in Paris by a leading futurist
painter. When the portrait was finished,
the painters valet delivered 1t, and Mrs.
Blanc gave a huge reception in its honor
Reception and portrait alike were
great successes. A hundred guests were
grouped all The evening before the
strange, mystic. futurist work. and you
heard continually such exclamations as
Divine. a perfect likeness" The eyes
are superb and SO forth
In the midst of all this the artist him.
SELF with Mrs Blanc on his arm. ad-
vanced to admire his creation. He gave
one look at 1t and roared:
Why. this isn't your portrait. ma am.
My fool of valet has brought you We
suvius in Eruption instead.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1914-07-12
GEORGE
AIDES

Cages at the Zoo.
After the Pater had earned his Shaft
in the Cemetery, Elan became the Loud
Noise around a dinky Manufacturing
Plant down by the Yards.
The Cracker-Barrel Coterie and all
the Old Ladies' who had become muscle
bound from welding the Sledge. pre-
dicted that Elan would put the Organ
ization into the Ditch. wrong side up.
The Well ishers. the Brotherly
Lovers and the total membership of
the Helping Hand Society sat back wait
ing for Elan to be dug out of the
Debris. so they could collect Witness
Fees at the Post-rnortem
The Junior earned their abiding Dis
like by putting one across
He made the Fossils sit up in their
padded Rocking Chairs and pay some
attention to the Idiot Child.
He never could hold down any Posi-
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1914-07-12

ops personal responsibility in individuals.
Impose responsibilities. and if a man or
woman has any inherent stability of char
acter at all an effort will be made to
assume them conscientiously, If only for
the sake Of the responsibilities. In just
the same way are nerves dispelled by
handling an automobile.
Emergencies without number are con-
stantlv arising and they must be met,
and met quickly. Decisions made while
running a high-horsepowered car admit
OF no revision afterward One realizes
that human life as we'll as the safety
of the car is at stake and. for the sake
oil the responsibilities, one finds himself
rising to meet them. Emergencies fade
away as proVocation Tor hysteria and one
learns 70 steady his hand as well as his
head because the obligation demands it,
Nerves are forgotten in the stress of the
experience"
This advice from Mrs. Britten NAV be
taken as authoritative. If there is a wom-
an in the country who knows automo-
oiies- and knows them backward and for
ward. underneath and all around IL is
she
Che was one of the first women in Chi
caso to run an automobile. She Is driv-
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1914-07-12

printed for the entertainment of per-
sons living in Boarding Houses
Claudine became slightly puffed
When she found herself between a
couple of perfumed Lads wearing
Medals she would give Friend Hus-
band the ONCE to move to one side
and curl up in the grass and not ruin
the Ensemble by boring in.
Elan was usually at the foot of the
Table behind a mass of Orchids Once
in a while he would try to crowd into
the conversation just to let them know
that old Ready Money was still present.
but every time he came up Dearie
would do her blamedest to Bean him
and put him out of the Game.
Claudine could make stab at the
new Pictures in the Salon and even run
nimbly around the edge of the Futurist
vogue.
Elan was ready to discuss Steamship
Lines or Railway Accommodations. but
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1914-07-12

At present she is studying French She
speaks and reads German.
1t has already been said that Mrs. Brit
ten is beautiful. If glorious. soulful.
brown eyes. soft black hair, rose-red lips
and clear white skin are of any sig
nificance without the vivacous and ami
mated glow that constantly plays upon
them. one would still say that she is
beautiful. But 1t is really the vividness
of her personality and the depth of her
sincerity that impress her visitors She
has that frankness of manner which en-
ables her to make friends with strangers
almost Immediately.
Because of this quality 1t is perhaps
natural that she should be interested in
charity work, although If one viewed her
in repose and were called upon to place
her in fitting environment the sugges-
ton would doubtless be that she should
sit in garden and sew a fine seam-so
dainty is the impression she makes In
Chicago Mrs. Britten INDUCES her inter-
est in charity to the exclusion of a great
many other things
1T is quite Impossible" she suggested.
for people in Washington to get an
idea Of the tremendous amount of pov-
erty we have in a large civ like Chi
cago usually try, when at home, to
l get their names from the churches and
90 ABOUT In my automobile to visit them
In this way 1 find out their wants and
regulate my gifts to relieve their press
ing needs. l have little charity bureau
all of my own
IL gives me a great deal of pleasure
" 90 what | can in this way. So much
poverty exists. One does not have to
go Tar to ind it. if he will only look. l
peiieVe IN helping the people in ones own
community. Why send money to Africa
"nen perhaps Your own washerwoman's
children are going hungry or barefooted
IN winter weather?
Charity work is a wonderful thing. l
90 not mean simply subscribing to funds
ana getting ones name in the paper as a
phllanthropist. That sort of charity work
mas Its place. of course, and is laudable
because it accomplishes a great amount
OF good. But charity work to me means
getting right out among the people and
helping them personally"
Campaigning with her husband is an
other medium by which Mrs. Britten gets
out among the people.
Il make it point to go out with him
everywhere" she said. except to the
strictly masculine banquets or conven-
tons. We come from a district in Chi
cago with a population made up mostly
of Germans. l 60 whenever it is oppor
tune to these German houses. When we
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1914-07-12

comes easy for me because | have al
ways been able to make myself at home
with strangers
This year Mrs. Britten goes home to
help canduct the campaign for next
year She is particularly proud of her
husband because he was the only repub-
lcan in the United States to succeed in
de1eatlng a sitting representative for
election to the Sixty-third Congress. She
fears no reversal of fortune in the pri-
maries this year. but imagines that they
will have a fight at the elections.
Mrs. Britten is a graduate of a Chi
cago school of music and dramatic art.
Her dramatic training is doubtless a
factor in her success at stump speaking.
The interesting thing about her school
life is that she continued and finished her
course after she was married.
Her interest in the country is national.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1914-07-12
Reckless Livers.

pRoF. CHARLES sINNICKsoN CAR
TER. the psychologist. was lecturins
at a Denver grammar school on the ef-
fects of alcohol
We now perceive DR. Carter con-
cluded. that drunkenness destroys one
of the most important organs. The reck-
less liver, in a word. winds up as a liver
less wreck"
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1914-07-12

ing sixty horsepower. seven-passenger
touring car in Washington today. For
the past eight years she has owned and
driven her machine and has toured
through Illinois. Maryland, Virginia and
other southern states.
She knows the mystifying language of
the motor world and talks of bevel gears,
pinion shafts and steering knuckle-heads
as familiar1y as does the consulting e2-
gineer of an automobile factory. When
she made the apparently paradoxical as
sertion that running a motor car Gained
the nerves. the interviewer was inclined
to doubt and offer skepticisms and dis
putations.
But before there was time for a word
Mrs. Britten had gone on with so intel
igent technical discussion of her ma
chine and Its qualities that il seemed as
though her automobile philosophy must
be correct when her practical knowledge
was SO great
IN any event. the interviewer had no
desire to disagree with Mrs. Britten for
very long. She is too delightful and
charming a woman to ever inspire one
with any but the most agreeable, pleas
ing frame of mind. In addition, she Is
beautiful Since time immemorial. world
energies have been bent to conciliate
beautiful women. For this reason alone
one could not dare the impertinence OF
dntdSOnlLlnS Mrs. Br1tten-
You ask me- she said, ''if am able
to get out and Ak my car myself, when
we have a hitch. Yes, / can. But now
adays. when automobiles are made quite
fauitiessly. one hardly has occasion to
make a repair on the road. If anything
does happen. it is usually q matter that
must be taken to garage. Not long
ago we were out in the country and
passed on the road an old-fashioned car.
The chauffeur was lying at full length
under the car. We laughed to ourselves
as we passed and remarked on the tab
leau from the primitive days of automo-
bling One has nothing Of that with
an up-to-date car.
Mrs Britten is a skilled horsewoman.
She thinks that nothing quite equals
horseback riding as a beneficial and
pleasurable SPORT The physical vigor
that riding imparts as we'll as it's tend
ency to reduce excess avoirdupois should
endear it to ladies', she thinks.
Besides being a devotee of esh-air
sports, for Of all things horseback rid
ing and motoring head this list. Mrs.
Brtten is also proficient In the greatest
of water sports-swimming. She favors
exercising her MIND as well as her body.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1914-07-12

the Chambermaids employed at the
Hotel.
Any one willing to cut loose on Caviar
and stuff raised under Glass will never
dine alone in gay Paree
Whenever Elan made a noise like
1000 Frogs. he found a lot Of WELL
bred Connoisseurs at his Elbow. all
ready to have something unusual
brought up from the Cellar.
The securing of an invitation to one
of Claudine's formal Dinners was al
most as difficult as getting into Luna
Park.
However. the list of guests sounded
Real when sent back to America and
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1914-07-12

She was born in the south. reared in
Idaho and educated in Chicago. Her
mother was French, which fact perhaps,
accounts for her extraordinary vivaoity
and piquancy.
She is a traveller. being particularly
enthusiastic about the land of the canal.
Panama is a wonderful country she
said, land the canal a glorius achieve
ment."
She was asked about the attitude OF
the Panamans toward the canal.
Il think they are grateful to the
United States for placing in their way
such an aid to commercial success she
replied. We have given them an op-
portunity to cultivate their already great
advantages. We have converted their
pest-hole, fever-ridden country into a
livable and likable place. In short, We
have given them a future"
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1914-07-12

Any woman with a salaried Husband
could bust into Society if she sang In
a Choir or owned an Ice-Cream Freezer.
Claudine was for migrating to some
high toned Community beyond the Ris-
ing Sun. where she could sit in Marble
Halls and compare Jewelry with proud
Duennas Of her own Station.
Seeing Claudine at the corner of sth
and Central. waiting for the Green Car,
one would not have suspected that she
harbored Intentions on the Court Cir
cles of Europe One would merely have
guessed that she was on her way to the
Drug Store to purchase much Camphor.
But she had taken a Peek at the Palm
Rooms and the powdered Lackeys and
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1914-07-12

AAA WISE ID
Cousins, even if the British Cousins did
not seem to place Elan and Claudine.
Looking in any direction they could
see naught but frosty and forbidding
Shoulder Blades.
After partaking of their Sole and
Grouse and winning pleasant Good
Night" from the ChevsIier in the
Checking Room, they would escape to
their Apartments and talk to the DOG.
In Paris they did better
They learned that by going out on the
Boulevard and whistling. they could
summon a whole regiment OF high
born and patrician Down-and- Cutters.
Most of the Titles were slightly
worm eaten and spotted with Fungi,
but nevertheless Genuine.
1t was Nuts for Claudine to assemble
all of the Noblemen to he picked up
around the Lobby and give them
free run and jump at the Carte du Jour.
Her Dinners soon became the talk of
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1914-07-12

and push back the Forelock and try
to be Human.
No use. He was strictly Ritz-Carl-
ton from the Pumps to the Topper. but
the word Boob" was stenciled right
across the glossy Front.
When they had conquered all the
Earthquakes in the Tenderloin they
moved on to Europe, where they we're
Just as welcome as Influenza.
1t was great to sit in the Savoy at
the Supper Hour. surrounded by the
best known people mentioned in the
Court Circulars.
1t was indeed a privilege for Elan
and 'Claudine to be among the British
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1914-07-12

and on the West by an expanse of
Stubble
Claudine was the other two-thirds of
the Speciality.
She was a snappy little Trick. and it
was a dull hour of the Day or Night
when she couldn't frame up new
General Order for the Breadwinner.
The Marriage came off during the
third summer of her twenty seventh
year.
She accepted Elan about week be-
fore he proposed so her, thus simplify
Ing the Ordeal.
While the Wafer on the License was
still warm. she put on her spangled
and cracked the Whip.
After that Elan continued to be a
Hellion around the Office. but in his
private Quarters he was merely Otto.
the Trained Seal.
CIaudine could make him bark. play
the Cymbals or go back to the Blue
Bench.
There is one Elan in every Settle
ment
All the wise Paper-Hangers and the
fly Guitar Players had him marked up
as Noodle. but somehow. every time
the winning Numbers were hung out,
bo he in i'm
cash
He was not bright enough to do any
thing except garner the Gold Certif-
Gates
Elan had no Ear for Music. and COM
ing out of the Opera House. never could
remember the name of the Play or
which one of the Burglars was the
real Hero.
His Reading was confined to the
Headlines of conservative Paper
which was still printing War News.
Baseball had not come into his Life
whatsoever
cultured Steno, who knew about
George Meredith and Arnold Bennett,
had to do his Spelling for him at II
Bucks per.
The Cerebellum of Elan was probably
about the dimensions of a Malaga
Grape.
Seizing him by his Looks. one would
have opined that Nature meant him for
a Ticket-taker in suburban Cinema
Palace.
Nevertheless, he had his Opinions. He
believed that Congress should always
adjourn Immediately after converting,
and not tamper with Business. He felt
confident that Our Country might de-
yelop a Future if the Labor Unions
could be suppressed.
Elan was a mental Gnat and a spir-
itual Microbe, but the Geezer knew how
to annex the kale
When Providence is directing the
Handouts. she very often slips some
Squarehead the canny Gift of corralline
the Cush, but holds out all of the de-
lectable- Attributes supposed to dis
tinguish Man from what you see In the
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1914-07-12

ton until tried out for Captain Of In
dustry. and then he began to Bat .450
and Field .s9s.
After the dusty Workmen had manu-
featured the Product and the Statesmen
had unloaded it. and the Collectors had
brought in the Louies. then Elan had
to sit at a Mahogany Desk with a Pic
ture of Claudine in front of him. and
figure how much of the hard-earned
Mazuma would be doled out to his
greedy Employees.
Sometimes he would be compelled to
fork over nearly half of the Gross.
whereupon his Heart would ache and
he would become Morose.
In a few Years he had a lot of new
Buildings. with Skylights and improved
Machinery and all sorts of humane APP
pliances to enable the Working Force
to increase the Output.
AS the Bank Account expanded and
the Happy Couple found themselves on
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1914-07-12
The Most Expensive Sport.

<ITHE most expensive sport of all.
! said Lord Wimbourne at the Pip
ing Rock Club. lis not polo. but yacht
ing"
He smiled and added:
pensive that a yacht might well be called
Q floating debt"
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1914-07-12
SSTh@ Lonesome Camp ON
the Frozen Heights %

Gravy came under the head of Regular
Food.
She could turn out waffies as long as
there was Customer in sight The Bis
light as Down.
The things she fixed to Eat were Fine
and Dandy. but she never had heard Of
Cuisine. When you took her away
from regular Chow and made her
tackle something Casserole or En- Tas-
Sc, she blew.
have belonged to the Stevedores' Union.
She could pack Victuals in from the
Buttery and slam them down on the
Table. la Commercial Hotel, but when
1t came to building up an intricate De-
sign with an ingrowing Napkin. three
Spoons. four Knives. five Forks and
all the long-stemmed Glasses. to say
nothing Of an artful pyramiding of Cut
Flowers around the Candelabra, then
she was simply a female Blacksmith.
Claudine would throw Dinner once
in a while Just to subdue the Wife and
Daughter of the National Bank, but the
Crew would nearly always crab the
Entertainment.
With the Support accorded by the
bone-headed Staff. she had fat Chance
to give correct imitation Of Mrs
Stuyvesant Fish
All during the nine Courses she had
to yelp more Orders than the Foreman
Of a Street Gang. Megaphone would
have helped some
The Hostess who wishes to look and
carry on like a Duchess certainly finds
it vexing when pop-eyed Lizzie leans
against all of the principal Guests in
turn and then endeavors to shoot the
Episcopalian Rector in the Neck with
a gush of real Champagne
After one of these flip affairs, at
which the Rummies had balled up the
whole Menu, Claudine came to the front
with an ultimatufn. She said she was
going to can the awful Birthplace and
spend tho remainder Of her Natural
among the real Dowdy-Dows
"Right-o, Babe!' spoke up Elan. ITO
day I have put the Works into a new
Combine which makes me a Junior SO
far as the plant Is concerned, but boosts
me into the Charley schwab division
when it comes to Collateral. l have
three million Iron Boys and most of it
is Turkey. 1 am foot-loose and free as
a Robin. Let us beat it to the Big
Show. 1t is about time that the vast
Territory lying toward the East should
be aroused from its Lethargy. Go as
far as you like
The two were foxy. For monetary
and real-estate Reasons they did not
give it out cold that they were making
a final Getaway. They planned to have
Gusta remain at the dear old Dump as
a Caretaker, but 1T was merely a Bluff
When the Town Hack followed a
Wagon-Load of Trunks to the Depot.
Claudine leaned out and said: Fare
thee well. o you Indian Village, This
is the Parting of the Ways for little
Sunshine"
Next we see them in the gaudy
Diner. eating Sweetbreads
Next day. thousands of heart
ed New Workers were packed along the
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1914-07-12

EARN to run a
motor car II you
are nervous and
I'll venture to say
that YOU will be
cured" says Mrs.
Fred A. Britten,
wife of Representa-
tive Britten of Chi
cago, IL.
The process of
the cure is akin to
that which -devei-