New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1914-12-27

It's air for the hot little lungs
And its heat for the cold little icct'
And It's soap for the bad little tongues
And more. il the hands are kept neat
Int after all, they have supreme consola-
ton. They sit at one OF the primal sources
Of human Joy; for from the Schoolroon, as
from the nursery, humor comes pure ana
undcfled it droppeth like the gentle dew
from heaven, untouched 10y artiiiclality, I'M
marrcd by strain or stress.
Who would not endure even the drudgcry
Of correcting examination papers now ana
then TO encounter such gems as!-
pIumagc is the foliage Of the parrot or hen.
4 vacuum IS nothing with the air sucked out
81 it..
A college is a cemetery Of learning
The tariff: a place OF worship.
Anticlimax is a brand of chewing tobacco
Antifat and antitoxn are those new. cheap
breakfast foods.
Frequently the charm Of such definitions
liz; in their very aptncss. The Tennessee
youth who described a volcano as II noun
lain where the world busts through, and
fine crater rs "thc place where it spits out,
had his facts: though he clothed them IN
somewhat unusual terms. There was pic
turcsaucncSs i'm the small boys tcrnng
natural history museum - dead circus.
And low was brought TO the heart oil Mark
Twain bv the sentence, "Thcrc's great
many donkcys in theological gardens
COMETIMES. Of course the pupil will
- come to grief and this is specially likely
TO occur in those distressing cases where one
is asked TO define a word and then use 1t.
One attempt ran thus, "Dcspot-a ruler
that is feared. Me teacher swattcd me wid
her dcspot." Another was hardly more Sue
ccssful i'm defining vengeance rs mean de-
sire TO get even and then quoting, Ven
geancc is mine | will repay, saith the
Lord
The most startling misconccption, how
ever. is cited by Professor Boynton OF the
University Of Chicago =,
\ horror-strickcn parent saw his small
son rise from before the fire one evening
,pit copiouslv upon the oriental hearth rug
plant his heel accurately upon the spot
swing round like a top, drop down again,
and resume his reading.
"Nly boy, he inquired, would You mind
telling me the meaning OF that extraordinary
performance!
81 was lust doing what they tell rs 10 DO
IN school was the ingenious answer.
They say, act out your reading.
And you have thcrc?'
"'Thc Lays Of Ancient Rome.
The father held out his hand, the boy
,bcdicntly brought the book, and the father
read:
When the oldest cask is opened
And the largest lamp is lit,
And the chcstuuts glow in the cmbcrs.
And the kid turns on the spit.
CONE Of the most brilliant examples Of
- schoolroom humor are found in child
hoods first tampcring with literature.
Could the most practised hand have better
achieved a bizarre literary effect than did
the small boy when, in an cpi;tolary COM
position" he wrotc?-"YOu know Willie
Millcr's neck? Well, he fell into the pond
up to it..
Could the most uncompromising rcaliSt
have done more than did the neophytc
whose teacher had hidden him attempt no
fights Of fancy, but simply be himself and
write what was i'm him2 we should not
attempt nitcs OF fancy but rite what is in
Ms. In me there is my stummick. lungs,
hart. liver. two apples, one piece OF pie, one
stick Of lemon candy, and my dinner.
Consider also this first descent of the
divine afflatus upon a New England kinder
gartcn tot: