davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-01-17
LUKE M'LUkE SAYS

From the Cincinnati Enquirer.
Any old thing is liable to come true
these days Three months ago Luke ran
paragraph advocating eugenics regis
try office for human thoroughbreds. The
squil mentioned John Doe, blk. h., 81
by Doe-Smith, and Mary Zoe, ch. f., 20
by Roe Brown" This looked like good
joke. Eut last week the National Con-
ference OH Human Betterment, in session
at Battle Greek, Mich, advocated "A Bu-
genics Registry Office for Human Thor
| oue lbreds" Can you beat it?
| During the honeymoon she wears a
dainty beribboned garment, highly per-
fumed and mussed up with fol-de-rols,
ard SHE calls it her robe dc mutt" After
| a few children come along she wears an
old canton flannel bag smeared up with
castor OIL goose grease and paragoric,
and calls it her might shirt
A man could live in house for five
years and he wouldn't know whether the
people across the street were white or
black. But before woman is in new
house five minutes she knows the whole
family tree of the people across the street
and can even tell you how much they
owe.
A woman is nothing but grown child.
No matter how old and wrinkled she gets
nor how impossible her shape. she al
ways goes around expecting that fairy
prince will call and get her some day.
The old fashioned girl who used to
marry for a home now has a daughter
who goes home SO seldom after she is
married that she forges her address.
The reason a woman knows her hus-
band is safe when he goes away on trip
is because she took his accident policy
out OF his pocket and put her picture
there before he started.
When you put on sub always pick out
sc me fellow who can't do the work as
well as you can do It,
When there are growing children in the
house and the grocery bill gets bigger
every week. mother is glad to see the chill
drel eat the way they do, because she
will have to go without the new hat she
wanted. But father claims that if the
grocer didn't get it the doctor would. so
what's the difference?
Some girls don't seem to care what they
marry just so they have fashionable
church wedding
A girl who makes sure to wash her
hair twice a week will often forget her
pillow slips for a month at time.
They all look alike 20 man, but a
W oman can take glance at tablecloth
hanging on lNe In yard quarter
of a mile away and tell you whether it
cost .39 or $S.9S.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-01-17
A MAMMOTH MOLAR

From the Youngstown Telegram.
When the Real Estate Man came into
the Curbstone club headquarters he
nroudly displayed tooth which he said
had just been extracted by dentist.
Doc said it's one of the biggest he
ever saw" he exclaimed.
The Ancient Carpenter, who is known
as the club Ananias, inspected the molar
with an apparent lack of real interest.
Its nothing compared with one l
had pulled once" he finally observed.
Git out" calculated the Real Es-
tate Man, ''you don't mean to tell me
you had a bigger tooth than that"
Sure l did, the carpenter declared,
when ! showed 1t to my boss the next
day he thought it was milk stool"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-01-17
A Marvel of Engineering Skill

The public has grown SO accustomed
to regard the Panama canal as the
triumph of engineering achievement
that we are prone to ignore or over
look other facts along the same line.
Almost simultaneously with the COM
pletion of that great waterway come
the finishing touches of an under
taking of such magnitude that many
engineers deem work unsurpassed in
skill by any construction in the entire
world. This is the Catskill aqueduct
tunnel that is to supply New York
with water from the Ashokan dam
The huge aqueduct is 10 miles in
length and when finished will repre-
sent an expenditure of 100000, 900.
It has required seven years of unin-
terrupted work to produce this marvel
of engineering skill and the difficult
and wonderful achievements in physi-
cal construction are among the tri-
umphs of the age.
In its course the tunnel passes under
several rivers and pierces rock beds
of the hardest resistance hundreds of
feet below the surface of the area
which it traverses. A considerable por-
ton of this surface is built upon by
structures Of enormous weight and in
the heart of New York city it is 439
feet below ground.
SO mammoth are the proportions OF
the Ashokan dam that its capacity
would accommodate sufficient water
to submerge the entire Manhattan
island to great depth.
Last week blast was set off in
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-01-17
MIXING FRrENDLINEss

From The Survey.
When an industry moves from che
community to another, the change means
for many OF It's employees deserting homes
dearly paid for. taking children out OF
school. breaking oe church and lodge az
fliations.
It was for this reason that Decatur,
III, through its Chamber of Commerce,
deter mined to do everything in its power
to make the locomotive shopmen en-
ployed by the Wabash railroad like their
new place of residence when the road
moved it's machinery from the old shops
in Springfield to the new plant in De-
catur, one of the largest of it's kind in
the world
When they learned that they were to he
transferred to Decatur the shopmen SEM
committee to that city to investigate
The report was unfavorable. The shop-
men were informed that vacant houses
we're few, that rents were high ana
beard excessive. S
1t was then that the Decatur. oha
of Commerce interested itself. An ihVes-
tigation of almost every boarding mouse
in the city disproved the report that poaro
was excessive. A meeting of builders
was called. and though no definite prom
ises were secured as to how many houses
they would erect, the chamber satisheo
itself that enough would be provided by
the following spring.
Through its secretary, John NJ. Byrne
the chamber compiled a list of boarding
houses. secured the names of the shop
men who were coming and encouraged
real estate men to write them with view
to finding out their needs.
On the morning the advance guard OF
the newcomers, some bringing their wives
and children, We're due to arrive. the
Che mber of Commerce officials, accom-
panied by 80 citizens, each with his auto.
mobile, met the train, escorted the shop
men to the waiting machines and took
| them on 10-mile ride over the principal
| streets and through the park.
At the end of the ride any lingering
feeling of prejudice and hostility had beer
removed and shopmen shook hands with
their hosts. The news Travelled back tc
Springfield with the result that shopmer
who had been planning to go elsewhere
decided to remain with the Wabash and
| make Decatur their home
Ii required little effort for city to show
itself human as well as cnterprs.ng.<s .
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-01-17

New York city which opened the tun-
mel from end to end and thus practi-
cally finished a work which is with
out parallel in the history of munich
palities.
Thus has man combatted successful
ly with and conquered old Mother
Earth, thus has science contributed to
the achievement of glory, for it is a
most glorious achievement, and thus
has humanity been benefited by the
genius, patience, daring and labor of
human skill.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-01-17

, to me to appear at this bar as criminal,
| though | should be acquitted. | am rot
very solicitous about my sentence, for.
thank God, l have spent my time so that
| am neither ashamed to live or afraid
to die Nor can the world be more weary
of me than I am of the world. But il
none of these things whereof these inen
| acuse me, merited death by law, and
though | may not in this case appeal
| to Caesar, yet 1 will to their lordships
justice, never doubling but God will ero-
tect my innocence"
The trial dragged on during the entire
summer of 1914 and it was not until Oc-
tober IL that Laud's counsel was heard
on points of law. On the twenty-oighth
a petition for the execution of Laud was
presented to the Commons by a large
number of Londoners, and on the thirty
first the Commons, dropping the i'm
parchment, resolved to proceed ty an
ordinance of attainder. AS the Lords de-
layed the passage of this ordinance they
were threatened with the Intervention of
the mob. Finally, on January 4, 1645, the
House of Lords passed the ordinance.
The archbishop had in his possession
a pardon from the King, dated April, 1913.
This he rendered to the houses, but though
the Lords were inclined to accept II, it
was rejected by the Commons. He then
asked that the usual barbarous form of
execution for treason might, in his case,
be commuted for beheading, and though
the Commons at first rejected his
quest on the eighth they decided to agree
to it.
Being brought to the scaffold on Tower
Hill on January 10, he mounted it with
an air of great resolution and cheerful
ness and began his speech with the fol-
lowing text of Scripture:
Let us run with patience the race that
is set before u.s. looking unto Jesus, etc.
He denied all the accusations against him,
and declared himself friend TO the
Church of England. to the constitution
and to the Parliament.
After a prayer he moved forward to
| take his place at the block. Sir John
| Clotworthy, however, thought fit to inter
| rupt him with theological questions.
Laud answered some of them, and then
| turned away, and after a prayer, laid his
| head upon the block. He was beheaded
| in the seventy-second year of his age
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-01-17
IN HOTEL LOBBIES
PrOsuerfty In Alabama

The farmers of Alabama are better OF
now than ever before" raid ]. II. Nun
neiee OF Selma.
In my canvass for The office of secre-
tary of state l have travelled through
most sections recently, and everywhere
have found the country merchants ard
the farmers enjoying great prosperity. OF
course the big price which cotton brought
accounts in large measure for Alabama
prosperity. but agriculture in this state
is progressing steadily. The farmers are
varying their crops, and by improved
methods afe making the land yield more
boLntifully."
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-01-17

There is much pathos In the sad plight
of Madame Nordica dying in the far away
Island of Thursday near Australia. Hus-
band and friends are absent and her life
is slowly ebbing away among utter
strangers. Her plight is unique. One Of
the world famous prima donnas, known
and beloved by all, her brilliant career
was cut short by an accident at sea. The
Tasman. upon which she was a passenger
struck a reef and Madame Nordica was
rescued and carried ashore only to oie
among strangers.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-01-17
Birmingham Musical Association

Members of the Arion society who are
behind the movement to organize the Bir-
mngham Musical association on a stock
company basis, feel much encouraged at
the interest manifested by citizens said
j. II. Hard.
I'VE are endeavoring to obtain not less
than POO stockholders at $40 share.
Many persons have already subscribed,
and I think that by next week we will
have enough to apply to the court lor, a
charter. Col. T. o. Smith is to be he
treasurer Of the association. The presl-
dency has not yet been decided upon.
1--WE hope to give a grand music festival
in April or May"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-01-17
GREAT TRIALS OF HISTORY
TRIAL OF ARCHBISHOP OF CANTERBURY

IN HE trial of William Laud, the ceJe-
brated Archbishop of Canterbury
= of the reign of Charles /, was cne
of the most remarkable of any ecclesiasti-
cal trials in history. He was one of The
very few of the high churchmen of Eng
land to have SO offended as to have lost
his head on the block
The archbishop tried to carry out the
wishes of his monarch and which he
himself believed to be right, but he was
not in accord with the spirit of the times
or suited to the temper of the people, He
made serious but fruitless effort to
attempt to repress Puritanism, but the
penalty he paid for trying to serve
Charles was the hatred of the English
Parliament and of the people generally.
The attempt of Laud to force upon the
people his own severe ideas regarding re-
ligion public morals and methods of wor-
ship, and finally his reattempt to establish
Episcopacy in Scotland, led to his Arrest
on March /, 1641, and his Imprisonment
in the Tower.
Laud was first stripped of his honor,
then he was exposed to many indignities
and injustices, and was finally brought
to trial before the House of Lords on No
vember %, 1913, on a charge of treason and
other crimes. The actual trial did not
begin till March L.. 1914 There was
hardly even the semblance of judicial
impartialty at the trial. The few men,
bers of the House of Lords who still re-
mained al Westminster. strolled in and
out, without caring to obtain any con-
nected idea of the evidence on either side.
They had made up their minds that Laud
had attempted to alter the foundation of
church and state, and that was enough
for them.
Among the many charges brought
against the archbishop were: That he had
traitorously endeaVored to subvert the
laws; that he had denied the authority of
Parliament; that by threats and prom
ises to the judges he had perverted the
course of justice; that in his own court
he had sold justice and had taken bribes
that he had caused divers canons to be
made contrary to the Kings prerogative,
and the laws: and that he had endeavored
to subvert the true religion, etc.
At the trial, after these charges We're
read to him, the archbishop arose and
said in part: 1T is great affliction
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-01-17
--------sos~--------
MAY WIN, REGARDLESS
N the Tuscaloosa News.

From the Tuscaloosa News
Birmingham waln one of the regiona,
be nks provided form the currency bill
recently passed by Congress; SO does At
have unanimously come to the support
of the metropolis of that state urging rs
selection as the site of the bank; so far
as we have heard, nothing of the kind
has been done in Alabama. Birmingham
seems to be fighting its battle alone. And
there is the difference between Alabama
and Georgia. Georgia has already
learned the lesson of cooperation; Ala
hama mas not.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-01-17
ABSENCE

Amy Lowell in the Atlantic Monthly
Ny cup is empty tonight,
Cold and dry are its .ides,
Chilled by the wind from the open win
dow,
En'pty and void, it sparkles white in the
moonlight.
The room is filled with the strange scent
OF wistaria blossoms 81
They sway in the moon's radiance
And tap against the wall.
But the cup of my heart is still.
And cold, an dempty. Il
When you come it brims Fl
Red and trembling with blood.
Hearts blood for your drinking;
10 fill your mouth with love
Ard the bitter SWEET taste Of 1 soul
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-01-17
POTATO HILL PHILOSOPHY
IN Ed Howe's Monthly

From Ed Howe's Monthly
You need neither invent nor originate;
initiate is good enough.
1t may be said for cold feet that they
often carry timid men out of danger.
Z A certain historic character is referred
,as Man of Sorrows. Every man is.
Fool the fools, and the wise men will
pretend to be fooled with them
When you loan book you might as
we'll make it gift and get credit for gen.
erosity. Loaning and giving a book
amount TO the Same thing. '--r- .
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-01-17

The Huntsville Daily Times had this
glowing caption last week: Hear Captain
Hobson. He will make fur fly. Ladies
are invited. Ladies are associated with
furs to be sure, but why they should
take delight in seeing them fly is mat
ter that We have been unable SO far to
grasp.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-01-17
HIS LITTLE SONG.

On the doorstep little bare head;
Golden hair and azure eye;
Up and down the street nc gazes,
Watching every passer-by.
Strangely softened is the zephyr
Playing with his apron strings;
Mice old mamma, dear old mamma"
Is the little song he sings.
mice old mamma, dear old mamma"
Though she's in the distant throng
She must hear his infant prattie,
She must know her paby's song.
Mice old mamma, dear old mamma"
VIII that mamma never come?
He is weary with the waiting
Oh, that God would call him hcmc.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-01-17

Secretary Daniels has laid in his annual
supply of chewing and smoking tobacco
for the navy. If our grape juice cabinet
officer were head of the navy department
we might expect to find chewing gum or
prunes supplanting the plug and cornsilk
taking the place of smoking tobacco.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-01-17

In the recent death of her fleet admiral,
Count Ito. Japan has sustained an almost
irreparable loss The dead admiral was
Il years of age and had seen continuous
service in the navy since 1868 He OBJ
tanned much of his naval education in the
United states, which knowledge he en-
played TO great advantage in the war of
1891 between China and Japan, when he
commanded the combined squadrons of
his nation and destroyed the Chinese fleet
In the Yellow sea. He was chief of the
naval staff in the Russo-Japanese war,
and by his superior strategy contributed
greatly to the Japanese victories in that
memorial BILE conflict.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-01-17

Since the default of payment upon Mex
ico's securities, Germany thinks that the
time for Intervention has arrived. 1t
looks as If Uncle Sam is getting between
the devil and the deep blue sea. 1t is not
necessary to designate which is his sa-
tanic majesty.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-01-17

Atlanta announces that she wants her
matory. Any man who is an expert al be-
ing cremated is most valuable asset to
any community
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-01-17
Pleasant AnticipatIOn

Il am looking forward with great Pleas
ure TO my trip to Montgomery, where 1
will go to witness the Knights of Column
bus initiation Sunday" said M. K. Linne-
hand, state deputy, who will leave for
the capital this afternoon.
Montgomery is delightful city, and
as | have great many friends there. I
know | shall enjoy my short sojourn. I
intend to return to Birmingham Sunday
night or Monday morning"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-01-17
EXPEDIENT.

Artist: Sorry. sir. but I cannot paint
your full length portrait. You are very
could get all in the picture but your
feet
Patron well, just paint me with my
feet hanging over the edge OF the can
vas
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-01-17

A California man had to give a woman
$40 for making a remark in her presence
that caused her to blush. A flush may
take four tens in California, but it's not
according to Hoyle.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-01-17

The cry of Mexico for Uncle Sam to re-
turn her soldiers recalls that old poem
which so thrilled us in our schoolboy
days, ''Narrus, give me back my legions. .
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-01-17

The United States is in need of mora
cannon, declares Major General Wood. 1t
is not likely, however that he was re.
ferring to Uncle Joe.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-01-17

Huerta is reported as having abou.
reached the end of his rope. There is nc
indication, however that the dictator will
hang himself
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-01-17

And now they have introduced what IS
called the one-step dance. The one-legged
man can dance it to perfection.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-01-17

The United States has saved 81, 200, 900 In
its recent purchase of acror- piercing and
common shells. This is reducing the cost
OF peace some.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-01-17

Charles II. Meyer Is surely having his
share of probing. The doctors probed his
wound and the grand jury is probing his
deportat alton.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-01-17

When old Neptune is aroused great il
the toll required TO appease his anger.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-01-17
oUITl- OBVIOUS.

Harry: - observe, Reginald. that you
are quite smitten with Miss upperten-
She reminds me Of the letter O."
Reginald: "Why so?'
Harry: Because she Is always followed
by u"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-01-17

An actors association, including such
celebrated Thespians as Francis Wilson
and Henry Miller, have gone upon a strike
in New York for car fare. They do not
mind the curtain being ''rung up" but
when it comes to themselves they think
that somebody else should pay for 1t.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-01-17
APPROPRIATE.

When 1 see these slim drcsse.,
AS down the street they 90,
I think they should be labelled
With the sign s. r. o.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-01-17
DUBIOES.

jones: why don't you have some labels
put on your suitcase 20 show where all
you have been?"
Brown; THE jail wardens don't furnish
labels"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-01-17

The sea being smooth,
How many shallow boats dare SAIL
Upon her patient breast, making their
way
With those of nobler bulk.
-Troilus and Cressidu.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-01-17
A TRIFLE DULL.

Husband: IT see that Sheriff Jones has
the meningitis"
Wife: II wonder how long he will keep
them there
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-01-17
CUPID.

While love remains a little hey
He Is to us perpetual joy:
But when he's grown to raan's estate
He makes us all absquatulate.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-01-17

Oftentimes stubborn person is one who
has a mind of his own.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-01-17
WANTS FULL MEASURE.

Take that cherry from the cocktail"
Said the customer quite grum.
"Why?" asked the man behind the bar.
Cause it takes up too much room. .
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-01-17
TROUBADOUR A.
TER
OIE

OPE.
fisa, ,k a ruu over
from FIT book says we
ioiio" u ay. put as the
Train we Gems that the
river foil : the Leaning
Tower bu at IT straigbr
Then We W. try ard hoard
the wondt tied to try y
tut the Gu lna ,ld not speak
English. 1 - arH nd the Ran
LISTS so ass lie country.
Every cafht 70 seen SO
far has a bs t.
E D Eez.
iay awake /, =
Till midnigh
hoped TO see
And welcome
heard the fac
And church be
But though "
l didut ses
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-01-17

A woman never minds seeing a mar
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-01-17

TELEPHONE
Beil tprivnre exchange connecting AL
aepartments), Main 1900.
TaÌˆgliches Cincinnatier volksblatt. [volume] (Cincinnati [Ohio]) 1885-1919, 1914-05-29

bsben. ylerflpiirbis lit nur. Dab bel
ben Seanern ii9 aud Sendtoren Gus
bem Weiten befiupen. OieIe arbeiten
brett eeeen bus Sntereiie ibrer
apnitituenten. Die bic 'Sinse obnes
bin lieaen, pirb Der Weiten bur6 ben
panama aanal tbatfaGlih geIchdz
biet. gs 1T bod ionnentlar, bdb Die
ssabritanteu in ben otluntii6en uno
pacifiihen Staaten bebeutenb biliger
ibre @aaren DON elmer 8iiite bes Gam
tieIes 9anbes mad Der anoersn uno
mad Sloamerita beforoern tDnnen,
als bic 5abritunten i'm mittleren Wez
iten, pelas Die Srndt bis mad Der
SiiIte 5u beSablen huben. Sritt bann
nod bic Ibsabefreibeit fir bic umeris
tanii6en S6iffe bin5u, 10 erpdbIt
baraus oen apnturrenten bes mtttlez
ren Weitens nod elm lpeiterer Wors
tbeil. QDie Die Senatoren bes Weltens
oann cine Bill befiirporten tDnnen,
lpelte ibre aunitituenten bena6tbeis
Iltgt, 1T unperitGnblih. Dab lie bic
Saalaae ni1t periteben. lit unosnts
bar. Oemnad lit man geopungen,
ben @luuben su bssen, bab iie abb
iidtIih aesen oas SntereIle tArsr
SpnItituenten hanoeln.
TaÌˆgliches Cincinnatier volksblatt. [volume] (Cincinnati [Ohio]) 1885-1919, 1914-05-29
Sapsi;eriide 2anOes ans'
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