The Detroit times., 1914-03-17
Stories of Irish Wit and HumOr
az seuMAs MaeMANUs

Bundoran. had the fortune once TO
be entertained by a wonderful argu-
ment upon whisky. its celestial and
Its internal qualities carried on be-
tween q publican (saloonkeeper) who
sat on the storm side Of the car and
a preacher who sat on the inland side.
Some one At length appealed to the
jarvey for his opinion on the ques-
ton. Leaning down toward the pub
lican who sat under him TO the left.
the jarvey said: Whisky is all
right" Then looking ahead and
Ticking q fly from the offhorses ear
continued to the company generally,
In Its right place" And finally,
leaning down toward the preacher on
his right, concluded, And hells the
place for IT,"
Profanity was the next subject
taken up by the preacher. The jarvey
had his own opinion upon this and
pronounced the heretical opinion that
sometimes rattlin' good cuss, just
raped out while it's white-hot. may
save We slathers o. sim" The preach
or vigorously protested.
And after ALL" replied the jarvey,
ivan o. the dandiest cursers the 'worl
ever knew was At the same time wan
O. the most notorious saints"
Whom do you refer to-" asked the
preacher. Job" replied the jarvey
Il sometimes wish l had his knack.
THAT was a very different thing,
the preacher protested.
But then" the jarvey went on
small thanks to him. He begun the
cursin' thrade early
Began II early? What do you
mean, SIR" asked the preacher.
Shocking early" said the jarvey
II wanst read an account OF how JOB
cursed the hour he was born. Gee
i up, ye bastes." he said % he lightly
necked his horses with the cracker
Of his whip, at the same time turning
the tail Of one of HIS eyes in the d.
rection Of an indignant clergyman.
".
Because an anti-Ifish Irishman, Sir
Boyle Roche, who hundred years
ago helped to sell his country to Eng
land, used to clown for English ap'
plause by expressing himself In care
fully prepared bulls, the world came
to assume that bull was always Hi
bernian. no matter where It was born
The fact 10 that, while Ireland's neigh
bors are more prolific in the matter
of bulls than Is Ireland, the truly
Irish bull alone has breeding to 1t.
Exempt gratia, the bull of Tim Healy
II was during q stormy debate In the
British parliament. in the Boer war
time, when m indignant Scot, an.
swering the taunt Of cowardice hung
1t Scotch regiment by an Irish NJ.
p, proclaimed that under the frieze
coat Of an Irishman there never beat
q Drawer heart than under the kilt
OF q Hielandman." Then, to the re-
doubled amusement OF the House, sat
down upon his silk hat, crushing II
like . paper bag. Tim Healy, aris-
ing, solemnly congratulated the Scot
upon tho fortunate fact that when he
sat down on his hat his head didn't
happen to be In It.
vi.
1t was not our jarvey Though II
might well have been he) who. en-
deavoring in his hurry to rush q
street crossing. and having a big Bel
fast policeman OF extraordinarily
large extremities throw back his
mare upDn his launches with the an.
cry demand. did you ye amadan. not
see my hand 90 up. warnin' 70 to
haiti" replied: "Troth and I did OBJ
sarve q sudden darkness come over
thines-but meself hadn't time to un.
derstAn' the why Of IT. by reason ]
was % busy keeping the mare from
frfghtenin' at your feet"