The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-02-08
He can't piece pie at railroad station without ad
dhressin' a few Remarks the hired help

store FIR monarchs that amy counthry can go to
an get fitted f'r an anointed ruler. There was
some opposition to him whin he come in on tn
ground that he had niver been able to larn to
spell an was given to THROWN fits in public, but
him bein' TIL ony mnber iv til rie family thin
at large they had to take him.
{" An there he sets, presdn over tn destinies
iv this proud people an supported be socyalistic
parlymint that absolutely does his bidding afther
it has told him what to bid. He has forty uny-
forms, is a colonel in twinty-two Euro-peen rigi-
mints, carries soord that has give him bad list
to starboard, an his fav-rte spoort is sthringin'
buttons. He has til largest collection iv buttons
in tn wurruld. 1t is noble sight to see him
clingin' to snow white charger an reviewin' tn
Poosylanyan ARMY, which is almost as big as
tn Father Matthew Fife an Dhrum corps But
he has to be watched all tn time to keep him
firm cuttn tn buttons off his UNIFORMS an
putin thin on a stirring. l made great hit
with him be sindin him me own modest collie
ton that I'd pred firm tn coats iv tn officers iv
TIL law in Chicago while they lay asleep.
:" But yell want to know how TIL ambassadure
is gttin' along He's credit to his counthry an
his ancient calling. He has done ivrything
pcted iv an American ambassadure. He has
larned to talk afther dinner at lenth sootable to
~th' best thraditions iv our diplomacy. It's be.
come sicond nature with him, an he can't ate
piece iv pie at railroad station without adj
dhressin' few Remarks to the hired help on TIL
ties that binds tn two great nations together. AT
a meetin' v tn Poosylanyan society,
which was formed befure tn exthradition threaty
was passed. he made an Grafton that lasted Ir
quarther to twelve ont his mellow peeryods
mingled with tn tinkling iv tn bells on tn cows
bein' dhriven to pasture be Numbers iv parly-
mint. He said that Poosylanyans an us were
brothers, or anyhow cousins; that we spoke tn
same dilect; that tn same blood coorsed through
our veins. America, he said, claimed half
inthrest in their cillybrated pote, Hockheimer,
while tn wurruks iv such Poosylanyan authors
as Myerowitz, Wynzeysky, an Phutch were read
eagerly in Ioway as in TIL land iv their birth.
He gloried in tn fact that George Washnton,
Abraham Lincoln, an Willum Sulzer were iv
Poosylanyan extraction He said it was too
early A voice.: It's half past four" an laugh
teri to discuss threaty which he was arrangin',
but he hoped in a few days to announce that
Poosylanya wud remove tn jooty on our pick
aly an we wud let in their smeerkase free.
,Whn that gr-reat charter, that pact iv peace, is
completed, he says, tb two pow'rful nations will
march hand in hand an arm in arm an cheek
be jowl, spreadin' gloryous example iv brother
hood throughout tn wurruld an DARN tn jeal-
Gus powers to come on.
Here he stopped to weep. 1t is wonderful
how quick he has adopted TIL American dplo-
matte custom iv weepin' I've seen him mix
horseradish without showin' til laste emotion,
but now he can't mintion tn frindshp between
our counthry an this cabbage garden without
sobbin' though his heart wud break.
There's on'y wan thing that bothers his
ixcillincy, an that's his harness. AS ye might
say it's TIL on'y fly in his vinegar Befure he
come over here he took tn advice iv tn sicrety iv
state an bought hinsilf swalowtail suit firm