Evening star., 1914-12-13

to bear it,
'B-u-n-k. bunk." cried the politician.
Well. Mr. Politician, perhaps you
can give better explanation?'
The answer is easy. The The tax as,.tdn PHI
was passed in October. The election
| was in November"
with it?'
! II hate to tell you. You are too
young to discuss these subjects: listen
to my farmer friend, whoI Will tell you
in song:
| II you have to lay a tax.
Don't put It onto rye.
Put 1t onto luxuries,
| But keep it on Of rye.
Stick it onto chewing gum
l Or billiard cues, say l.
| But for the love of Mike, L beg !ou'
Keep it OF of rye.
| When election day is near.
| Don't try to tax old rye.
Because a lot Of votes somehow
Be kind to old John Bafleycorn.
| Don't pause to question why:
| Tax any blooming thing you like.
But don't disturb old rye.
The skit concluded by the committee
entire audience rising and joining in the
| chorus.
Professional Senators in Session.
| So the dinner brisked along until
President Walker raped for order and
| announced that the hour of 10 o'clock
| having arrived the business of the club
would be suspended in order that the
Senate of the United States might hold
| brief session. Some fifteen members
| OF the club being discovered in the center
OF the hall, Stimulating prominent sena-
| tors, the pseudo Vice President Marshall
l OrQeTo0
conclusion announced that a quorum Of
the Senate was present.
Then this group of strictly ''profes-
| sional' senators proceeded to take divers
and sundry liberties with the names of
| the. real solons of Capitol Hill.
"Mr. President said the man who
| stood IN lieu OF the real Senator Will
ltams of Mississippi. "it affords me great
colleague. Senator Vardaman, who is
confined to his room on account of a bad
| cold. He had his hair cut yesterday
and--''
I'm here. Mr.: President" said the
fictitious Senator Vardaman. entering the
! hall. Rather than be under the slight
est obligation to my colleague even for
courtesy SO small as a request for
leave of absence, I came from a sick
bed. ask that the senator's uncalled-
! FOR reference to my hair be stricken
from the record"
Then up rose a dignified senator dis
| covered to be Senator Gallinger of New
Hampshire. Il see no reason" he said.
why the word hair Is so sacred that it
should not be mentioned in the Senate
of the United States" The Vice Presi-
dent referred the request of Senator
Vardaman to the committee on Indian
depredations.'
Senator Owen asked unanimous con-
sent to withdraw his resolution of three
months ago to investigate the political
expenditures of Roger Sullivan of Illi-
nois
Il object" cried Senator Stephenson
of Wisconsis. Senator Penrose of Penn
sylvania and Senator Newlands of Ne
vada urged withdrawal of the OBJ
| lection.
Well" said Senator Stephenson. eff
| anybody spent more than me, 1 would
| like to know how they done it,"
Rush to Get in Movie.
Thus far the skit had proceeded with
out friction. but veritable Pandora's 8
box was opened when 1t was proposed to
take moving picture of the Senate in
session AS the moving picture operator
| began to work his machine there was
much commotion among the senator's.
who assumed various attitudes Of in
terest and expectation:
"A1r. President" said Senator Reed of
Missouri. "in behalf of the millions yet
unborn. in the name of the myriads that
struggle and toll, in the interests of the
great agricultural
I'm behalf of the state of New Jer-
sey," interrupted a portly senator. TAX
] ing his place in front Of Senator Reed,
| "and in the interests of Jim MARITIME. /
| don't intend to play second fiddle In this
| picture
"I'm not in this picture at ALL" cried
| Senator La Toilette.
Neither am T. grumbled Senator
Bristow of Kansas.
| "Weu, Mr. President" drawled Sena-
ho s.
consin and Kansas are not in the pic
ture it will be a trust-made. money
controlled AFFAIR
"Mr. President" plaintively com
planned Senator Simmons OF North
Carolina, 'if Ollie James sat down and
the rest of US stood up everybody could
| be seem
At this point Senator Overman
| rushed in and on the score of being
chairman of the committee on rules and
not having been spoken to about the
taking of the moving picture. filed em-
phatic protest, but was prevailed upon
| to withdraw it.
| The Senate in Song.
| Then the lights were turned out and
| the result of the operators photography
was displayed upon Il screen at the
end of the hall while the famous tenor,
Patrick Caruso, Interpreted the speech
| es in an inimitable "ten-twent' thirt' y
nasal drawl, by the following song:
The Senate 1t was crowded
All the senators there,
| They talkin' about the tariff
| As they lad for many years.
Some of them sat In the coakrOonls,
Some of them sat In their chairs
| Then up handsome senator
| He would not give his name;
| He said l speak for cotton,
| Aud right well he done the same
| They voted down his motion.
| Tears in the Senate's eyes;
Ten up rose this handsome senator
And he said to their surprise:
| CHORUS:
| Lets all buy bale Of cotton for the sake OF
long ago,
Business in the south is rotten. lots has
fell quite low:
| A million bales is ready, so give willln' hand
| And help the cotton planter In our fair south
land
"Old Homecoming Week."
The result of the recent elections. in