davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1914-05-22
-------------. ----
JASPER COURIER

Don't you just love purple
stockings under a slit skirt?
The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1914-05-22

~ For the Best Sewing Machine,
At Prices from s11 up at Jacob
C.. Lorey's.
The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1914-05-22

Lots of people are too selfish to
assist others in having a good
time.
The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1914-05-22

rhis office is prepared to do
any and all kind of job printing.
Give us a call.
The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1914-05-22

Doan's Reeulets are recommended by
many who say they operate easily, with
out gripping and without bad after effects
25c at all drug stores. adv.
The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1914-05-22

Itching, bleeding. protruding or blind
piles nave yielde TO Doan's Ointment
Soc. AT all stores. adv.
The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1914-05-22
.bainbridQe Tp. Assessment

Township assessor Robt M.
Egg has filed his report for 1914.
Among other matters it shows
that the township has.
No. Av Value
Horses and Mules 735 $72 II
Cattle S4l 26,6Z
H gs lab 5.43
Sheep ga 4.6o
Automobiles 80 244 %
Farm Implements 1877 53 OO
Household Fur q Lib GIG AZ 40
The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1914-05-22

After having been with out food
a sailor swan several miles TO the
shore of Australia pursusI by sharks
A man who can get away with a yarn
like that wastes his talent efcre the
mast.
The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1914-05-22

IN THE CITY
A Trip to Yellowstone Park or 500
in Gold.
A Trip to Atlantic City or SIS
in Gold.
A Trip to Thousand Islands or $50
in Gold.
A Trip to Mackinac Island or $25
in Gold
The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1914-05-22

The Courier Reaches Buyers,
A re You In 1t?
The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1914-05-22
The Evansville Courier
ANNOUNCES ITS
Golden Vacation Contest
For School Boys and Girls
GRAND PRIZES
A Tour of Europe
or $500 in Gold
OTHER PRIZES

OUT OF THE CITY
1. A Trip to Yellowstone Park or SlOO
in Gold.
2. A Trip to Atlantic City or SIS
in Gold.
3. A trip to Thousand Islands or sou
in Gold.
4. A Trip to Mackinac Island or SIS
in Gold.
The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1914-05-22

For Following Districts:
1. A Mammoth Cave
g II to French
| Of Spencer
l'upoS 70. lNs' Vi iiO'
10th-Closes uy 25h
Write Confess M4nag OF lie
The West Virginian. [volume] (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1914-1974, 1914-12-11
- . ** . .
q CURIOUS FACTS. =

Utah's 1913 factory output wal val
ued at 0 3,750,0o0. Z
Ladies' maids in England average
s1S5 for a years pay.
The state Of Western Australia
owns $3.50 miles OF railway and more
than 500 miles are In course OF COZ
struction.
Making the school grounds q minia'
ture colony, with the pupils busily en-
gagged In all kinds of productive occu'
pations, is the device of the Birley
House School, an open air school in
England.
The potato crop of Germany was
one Of the largest on record. The of.
fetal statistics place the figures at
5O,200,00o metric tons, as against 34'-
100000 metric tons in 1912. ute a
high percentage Of the potatoes were
diseased and could not be kept over
winter, and the crop being large the
price, obtained we're low.
The expectation OF orchids from the
Philippine Islands is increasing. In
March, 1914, 10000 plants were con
signed to a San Francisco firm and
arrived in excellent condition. Dur
ing May 5000 plants were shipped
to the same firm. The consignments
included four NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS.,
Amabiles, studianas and sanderianaa
The West Virginian. [volume] (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1914-1974, 1914-12-11
Luke McLuke
tFrom Cincinnati Enquirer.)

When two men get a mat and start
in wrestling catch.as-catch-can style
it is a brutal sport. But If you remove
the mat and polish the floor and let a
man and woman use the same holds
employed by the wrestlers. we call II
the dog trot or the monkey munce,
and 1t is perfectly proper.
Man is a suspicious animal, and he
believes that the person who Use the
most perfume is the person who needs
it most.
A man likes to see some other mans
wife display her neither props when
she holsts to make the rear step on a
street car. But he gets mad all over
If his own wife does it.
Some OF the girls seem to be doing
all they can to solve the problem of
wearing as little as possible and still
keep from freezing to death.
Men are divided into three classes:
Hammers. Anvils and Bellows.
If there is an extra room in the
house that she doesn't want to use
for anything a woman will put a rug
and a chair and a table in the room
and throw three magazines on the
table and call the place a library.
The West Virginian. [volume] (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1914-1974, 1914-12-11
Just Smiles
The Duck; Have You Seen one7

The Duck; Have You Seen ohes
In a village in Virginia lives a little
girl named Inez Smith. In a public
school competition for a prize she
wrote a composition on the duck. We
have read it carefully, and if 1nez ov-
erlooked a single point we do not
know what it was. We quote 1t en-
tire:
"The duck is a low heavyset bird
he is a mighty poor singer having a
coarse voice caused by getting so
many frogs in his neck he likes the
water and carries a toy balloon in his
stomach to keep from sinking the
Duck has only two legs and they are
set SO far back on his running gears
by nature that they come pretty near
missing his body some ducks when
they get big have curls on their tails
and are called brakes don't have to set
or hatch but Just loaf and go swim
ming and eat everything in sight Il
I were to be a duck 1 would rather be
a drake there toes are set close to-
gether the web Of the skin put them
in a poor way of scratching but they
have a wide bill they use II for a
spade they walk like a drunk man
they bounce up and bump a bout from
side to side If you car them they
will flap there wings and try to make
a pass at singing.
81 hope 1 will get the beads"
The West Virginian. [volume] (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1914-1974, 1914-12-11

The teecher asked US yesterday to
all q hoam rite after skool and r1te
a poem about Peeee. The world Is
getting weery of war, our teecher sec.
4 the moar our thoughts turn 70
rcece the happier we shall be
Well, Robbie, sed Pa to me wen l
toad him & Ma hat the teecher
anted, I suppoas you want me TO
rite your poem for you,
No, I toald Pa, I ant to rite 1t
myself beekaus the teecher sed 70
MS that we shud ask for no help In
.1teing these poems, & that the one
Tich sounded the best wud git a
Prize Il we cud promise her that we
rote 1t ourself. I as thinking wud
like to git that prize, I sed.
Indeed, sed Pa, & what makes you
think that you cud win a prize II
you did the rtteing yourself?
1 never knew Of you winning any
poetry prizes, Ma sed to Pa, You
must not teech our littel son TO be
deceetful, anyhow, she sed. If you
rote a poem for him you wuddent
like to have him say that it Is his.
wud you?
1 wuddent say that 1t was mine
anyway, I toad Ma, beekaus I doaut
think it wud be as good as one wich
1 can rite myself. If Pa awnts o
rite a poem, / sed, he can rate ono
81 win write one &syou can see for
yureself witch one you think e the
best, I sed TO Ma.
SolPaIgot omespaiper g alpencli g
did the ssaim q 1Sgot my poem fns
The West Virginian. [volume] (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1914-1974, 1914-12-11
THE HoRRoWs OF CHRISTMAS
AS THEY APPEAR TO a
CYNic

In the December American Maya
zine James Montgomery Flagg, tho
famous wit and artist, does a Christ
mas piece in words and pictures in
which he describes in part as follows
the cynical view Ct Christmas that a
perfectly decent man had in a dream:
ITO continue the horrors there is
the family reunion! What can be moro
doleful than O whole day given up to
sGuatting in the perfervid circle OF
your immediate blood relations? In
ones or twos It is not necessarily I'M
bearahle, hut to be p'nloned for twelve
hours in the lap cf osculatory coli
sanguinity is flattening to the soul!
Your family while they treat you with
the brutal affection and dlsrespectful
familiarity Of old friends, know you
slightly! They are always presumptu.
Gus! Never does human intercourse
descend SO noar to the life Of a fiy-traD
as on Christmas. Everyone walks aud
crawls about all over every other ones
head! You have to sit and beam and
"ShmerrychrIs'mus' and No, 1 said 1t
'frst!' And a bunch of obscure cousins
aid aunts crowd on the already1 par-
spring mass and have to be ktssei
through veils-veiis don't help much
perhaps a little!
"Then m that flendishly ponder
Gus Christmas dinner, with ressurec.
tons at intervals of tribal jess
dragged out of tho family ~mausoleam
for their annual glibbering, and the ca.
quettishness of brothers wives, AL
the parading of The dyspepsia of old
Aunt Clara, and the djnky table favors,
INC silly receptacles for broken glass
Christmas candy, cunningly disguised
as snowballs, Santa Clause and drums
end young ducks, over which you are
expected to giggIe and squeal, a:d
eventually collect and take homa with
you and line up on the mantelpiece,
where they stay for days until wa
suddenly sweep them in to the scrap
basket! There are eighteen kinds of
dessert you must sample and wash
down with cider, and get an awful
stomachache.
Then you fatuously take u MS at
opening bundles. a. you did when you
we're children. You have to pretend
you have never seen your present be.
fore, when in reality it was shown to
you weeks ago But you unwrap it
with a beautiful assumption Of limo
cence, and a widening grin that almost
rlakes your ears meet on top OF your
head when your enchanted gaze finally
rests on the novel you read last sum-
mer! Just what 1 wanted"
The West Virginian. [volume] (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1914-1974, 1914-12-11
uTTLE Boobies PA
BY William F. Kirk

Iisred the firsty but / let Pa read his
first. 1t took Pa two t2) hours to
rite his poem & he ought to have did
1t quicker, This Is the way his poem
went:
Eternal Pseee
Eternal Peace. etarnal peece.
Such as they suu.tlmes had in Greece,
Ii wish that peece wat here again
For quite q long time to reer1ain4
War 10 q thing I do not like.
WHARF men eech other with bullets
do strike.
Il III only had my say
The wal wud stop q stop right away,
I know OF warfare and It's teers,
II have been married twenty yeers.
& that Is why this war should cease
& bring to US eternal pOece.
Wen, sed Pa to Ma, / suppoas Il
must pritty neer brake your hart not
to be abel to ind fault It'll this
sterling little poem.
I have nothing to nay, Bsd Ma, I'm.
til I hear Boobies poem. II 1 like
yours better I will say 10, 30 I read
my poem:
Peece! ID q butifuli thing 4
e TO me Il doesn't seem right
That To ploese . Ear or a King
A lot Of brave mon shuld gfte.
That 10 o very short poem, Bo'Ble,
sel Ma, but / think Il is hotter than
tln oneStather rote.
The West Virginian. [volume] (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1914-1974, 1914-12-11
Current Comment.
SHORT SESSION AND
LAME


The short session Of Congress which
assembled at noon yesterday will have
exactly rs days in which to work, and
from present indications there will be
plenty OF work to do. The estimates
for appropriations made by the do
partment heads and over which Con.
gress will have to wrangle amount 10
81, 090,775,134. The officials making
the estimates assert that they repre-.
sent the minimum expenditures pos
sible for the maintenance of the gov.
eminent. This is the invariable as.
sertion and Congress is always able
to make certain reductions. The an.
nual wrestle with the appropriations
alone will be sufficient to occupy the
full time of the short session. What
the public will chiefly demand of the
Congress after the routine appropria,
lions is adequate provision for the
public defense. The representative
who in the hope Of official reward
runs counter to public sentiment on
this subject may as we'll abandon any
hope Of a political futures-N. Y.
American.
The West Virginian. [volume] (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1914-1974, 1914-12-11
AN EXPERT N
OF The NAVY.

"Ship for ship" said Admiral Bad
ger in his testimony before the House
committee on naval affairs yesterday
"the American navy is as good as the
navy Of any other nation"
AS to its preparedness, the former
commander of the Atlantic fleet de,
clared that 1t is in an excellent con,
dttion. AS to what an adequate naval
defense should be, he recommended
that there should be forty-eight bat.
tleships, with four torpedo boat de.
stroyers to each ship OF the line. In.
Guiding ships that are building there
are nov forty b%attleships, with sixty.
eight torpedo boat destroyers. The
admiral suggested further that there
should be two oil ships, two supply
ships, two ammunition ships and two
hospital ships for the Atlantic fleet.
This is a clear and definite program
Of well balanced naval expansion that
means something. This may not be
the kind Of investigation that Senator
Lodges son-in-law wants, but it is
the kind Of investigation that the
country wants.-New York World.
The West Virginian. [volume] (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1914-1974, 1914-12-11
WHEN THE FROST IS
ON THE PuMFKiN-


When the frost IS on the pumpkin ana
the folders In the shock,
And you hear the kyouek and gcbbls
q the strutttng turkey eock.
Andsthe clacktngIo d the gutneas, and
tie chuckfngSot the hens
And the ROSTERS halIy1ooyer as he
tiptoes on the fence;
%. it's then's the times q Teller Is
a:felling at his best,
With the rising sun t sgreet him from
a night of peaceful rest,
AS 10 leaves the house b~are-headed.
and goes out to feed the stock.
When the frost in on the pumpkin
and the folders in the shock.
Then your apples is all gathered, and
the ones a Teller keeps
Is poured around the cellar-foor in
red and yeller heaps;
And your cider.making's over, and
your wimmen.folks is through
With the mince and apple butter, and
their souse and sausage. too!
l don't know how to tell 1t, but II such
a thing could be
AS the angels wanting boarding, and
they'd call around on me
I'd, want to 'commodate email the
whole-induring flock
When the frost is on the pumpkin and
the folders in the shock!
James Whitcomb Riley.
The West Virginian. [volume] (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1914-1974, 1914-12-11

The Chamber 81 Commerce INSTRUCT
ed III secretarys III. Evans 70 ask the
leonmfssion 10 add to III tnHesttgaF
Btieia me question otsownership Of ths
EGonsofdated Telephone Gompany
III deyeiopsittat Sc In fact ownedsby
the Bellscompanyther sino question
|Isui what the commission VIII have
Lrower to merge the servtceiand sfxthe
rate at the price, OF one phone or ey-
|en less, as the operating expenses
would be very greatly reduced. That
seems to be the only hope of relief
for the people of this section. II the
companies are separately owned; nei-
.tner the commission nor the Cham
.bcr OF Commerce nave power to force
a consolidation. The commission how
ever can regulate rates andrlx a stan
dard of service to be rendered.
When the people have IT within
their power to regulate a monopoly,
.as they now have through the Public
Service Commission in this state, a
monopoly Of a service such as tele-
phone companies furnish Is not a bad
thing, but to let a MONOPOLY 1f any
snrylce go without restraint, leads to
ncthing less than robbery Of the pub
lie.
The West Virginian. [volume] (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1914-1974, 1914-12-11
State Editors
BUY AT HOME.

The citizen who says he never
knocks his town and then buys his
goods elsewhere Is giving HIS town
two knocks at one time. The money
paid to a home dealer helps him to
pay his taxes and buy his stock up.
to-date.
The money you send away for goods
you can buy at home helps the other
merchant pay his taxes-not in your
town, but in his-consequently it not
only deprives the local merchant Of
that business, but deprives your town
of that support-Elklns Inter.Moun.
tain.
The West Virginian. [volume] (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1914-1974, 1914-12-11
Song and Story
The watehword.

The Watchword.
Life.weary friend, why that grim
Meet sorrow bravely. Live 1T down!
Misfortune shuns a smiling face.
Cast trouble of. When ends LIES
race
You'll win and wear the victor's
crown.
Lifes watchword e'er must be En-
dure."
Patience shall victory secure.
Tomorrow's dawn may bring relief
To sorrow, trials, all life's grief
Cheer up, my friend, and wait times
cure.
This world seems hard and cruel Oft
The West Virginian. [volume] (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1914-1974, 1914-12-11
WE Will FURNISH ONE

The Republicans reduced the Dem
ccratic majority in the House of Re-
p.esentatives from over a hundred
to about twenty. They will have to
gain only ten Senators in 1915 to get
control of the United States Senate,
and West Virginia will furnish one of
the ten.
The West Virginian. [volume] (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1914-1974, 1914-12-11

But, If you have studied the human
animal In all of It's various phases and
manifestations, 1t will not surprise you
to learn that the place already has
been filled.
The West Virginian. [volume] (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1914-1974, 1914-12-11

In the connection it seems worth
nothing that General Joffre's head
quarters are 70 miles In the rear Of
his line Of battle. And that, 1t seems
to US, taking the matter by and large
pro and con, and vice versa, Is about
the proper distance.
The West Virginian. [volume] (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1914-1974, 1914-12-11

Some men are just naturally sensi-
tive. The prison electrician Of Ar
kansas couldn't stnad the thought of
putting ten murderers to death and re-
slgned his position.
The West Virginian. [volume] (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1914-1974, 1914-12-11

In untold ways; yet Hope with soft
Voice whispers: God is Love-"
So do not mourn. Trust Him above.
All hearts grow brave that look alort.
Augusta Wooley.
The West Virginian. [volume] (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1914-1974, 1914-12-11
WHATS The usE2

The kaiser is now in Russia; to.
morrow he will be in the French
trenches and the next day in jail in
Berlin. After that he wlll-but what's
the use?-Wheeling News.
The West Virginian. [volume] (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1914-1974, 1914-12-11

A New Yorker hits 1t about as neal
right as anybody in intlmating that
the Democratic policy Of "watchful
waiting" in regard to the Mexican
situation is merely a highbrow Gu.
phemism for "asleep at the SWITCH
Clarksburg Telegram.
The West Virginian. [volume] (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1914-1974, 1914-12-11

Brunk Slough who started in to play
Ia game of three cushion billiards a
weok ago last Wednesday afternoon,
auccumbed from exhaustion yesterday.
The West Virginian. [volume] (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1914-1974, 1914-12-11

While there Is no Disposition to dis
credit any good maxim. the truth Is
that many honest men die poor and
plenty OF dishonest men gst rich
The West Virginian. [volume] (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1914-1974, 1914-12-11

The esteem OF a boy can be pur-
chased with money. but 1t is necessary
to compliment a girl
The West Virginian. [volume] (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1914-1974, 1914-12-11

By the time a man gets around to
returning a borrowed book he has for
gotten to whom 1t belongs
The West Virginian. [volume] (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1914-1974, 1914-12-11
MORE WATCHING AND WAITING

Mexico only has a half dozen or SO
provisional presidents now. The
more presidents the more fighting and
the more watching and waiting by tho
national Democratic mal-administra.
Notwithstanding State Journal.
The West Virginian. [volume] (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1914-1974, 1914-12-11

Next to the man who is the father Of
loo many children the women criticize
most severely the woman who has
none.
The West Virginian. [volume] (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1914-1974, 1914-12-11

A mans devil is fear. "A woman's
devil Is old age,
The West Virginian. [volume] (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1914-1974, 1914-12-11

Marmadnks Plank VIM has he1m
on the stage. says the chief obiect5m
to the Iifeis that actsm1acrSN
The West Virginian. [volume] (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1914-1974, 1914-12-11
In-Shoots

A howitzer with a izzled fuse isn't
as effective as a smaller gun of pos
tive action.
The West Virginian. [volume] (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1914-1974, 1914-12-11

Rammed by a tiny. insignificant aer,
cplane. brings to earth the mighty,
dreaded dirigible.
God pity the man who attempts to
extract the sunshine of life from a
bottle.
The West Virginian. [volume] (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1914-1974, 1914-12-11

The true sign Of sovereignty % hot
q glIstening sword, but Q penitsnt
prayer.
The West Virginian. [volume] (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1914-1974, 1914-12-11

While most rich relatives are
Invented by women, those who have
known the family long time say that
IS the way Buzz Hopgood got his
"Uncle Henry"
The West Virginian. [volume] (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1914-1974, 1914-12-11
Whisky. like death is a 1eyeler, but
the leyeling is upward.

Dignity without honor Is only Git
tering arnor hung upon rafting bones
The West Virginian. [volume] (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1914-1974, 1914-12-11

he will tell you a poor mar has no
chance.-Atchison Globe.
The West Virginian. [volume] (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1914-1974, 1914-12-11

has not started It'll investigation any
|tco soon
The West Virginian. [volume] (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1914-1974, 1914-12-11
are compeIIed % ZEE eaeh oIhar-

The RUE Is that It is b eperso1 who
can not tn~telligentiy express himself
IN prose who tries to Do II In verse.
The West Virginian. [volume] (Fairmont, W. Va.) 1914-1974, 1914-12-11

Tie ru~iesfsthat criticism Of Q phil
|anfhropist comes mostly from those
Who have beenithe beneiciartes OF his
OBSERVATION-DISCLOSURES
The log cabin Democrat., 1914-05-07
BOARDING HOUSES
 WANT LONG SESSION
BOOSTING AMENDMENT
ON SALARY-SESSION TO BE INTERESTING.

Little Rock, May l.-Boarding- house keepers in the vicinity of the state capitol are fattered over the kindness with which the people of Ar kansas are taking to the proposed con stitutional amendment for the govern ment of the legislative sessions. The proposed amendment places the legis- lators on salaries of S750 for the bien- nial period, and they may remain in session as long as they desire. This does away with the short, 60-day ses- sion, unless the legislators desire to get back home and themselves cut the session short. The adoption of the amendment will permit them to re- main for year if they wish, and the taxpayers may sit back and laugh, for they will not have to pay for it.
 The legislative session to come wili | be an interesting one, if the indica- tions count for anything, but they may be in this like they have been in may recent political battles where all kinds of dope were upset. The big lCclIl Will Dc JHe llquoI duCoCIVi. A>o one will deny that the liquor interests will make the fight of their lives to secure the repeal of the Going bill, for 1 few cities of the state will be able to have liquor next year under this stringent statute The liquor people | have tried the courts and lost, and must either sink without a fight, or carry the battle again into the legis- lature. he odds have always been rather heavily against the liquor in terests in the house, with the senate standoff. The anti-saloon element has gained little. if anything, in the senate, SO conditions this year will re- main about the same.
 It is certain that fight will be made to abolish two state depart ments-one a new one, and the other being opposed on the ground that 1t has outlived it's usefulness. There will be a determined fight to prevent the abolition of the offices, and the older of the two departments has sur vived several battles of this nature heretofore.