Tulsa daily world. [volume] (Tulsa, Indian Territory [Okla.]) 1905-1919, 1914-02-15

(CONFESSIoND
The doctor has just left the house
and at last | am face TO face "ith lht
inevitable.
am to die. All that medical SIKH
and science can do, has been done
There is no hope. Good old Or. Alex
auder could not keep back the tears
when he told me. He has known me
since my first baby was born, almost
4 quarter of a century ago. There
is not more than week at the most
left to me here. After that, O, God
what?
was reared in a Christion home
NV earliest recollectious have TO DO
with church work and the sunday
school. My mother taught me the
Lords prayer, when ! could scarcely
lisp the words For - years ] nave
been wife and am the mother oi
four children, two boys and two girls
Three OF them are yet living, and the
fourth, my first born, would have
been. had it not been for me, MS
mother.
It is 10 relieve my soul Of the awful
load that it is now bearing that l am
prompted to make this confession. !
will be i'm the great unknown Wheh
this is read, therefore, / shall neither
spare myself, nor unjustly censuro
others. but shall endeavor to set
down. in this short narrative. all that
happened without fear or favor pld
saw without fear? No, not without
fear A nameless, intangible some
thing, haunts my very SOUL ana
there is not only fear but genuine
terror. as we'll when ] contemplate
the unknown to which l shall soon,
on, so soon go,
When my first born my Eldan,
was nine years old, my mother, then
an invalid, came to live with us. MY
husband, one Of the best that ever
lived. was very glad to have her, as
they (mother and he) had always
been very congenial My mothers
health continued to grow worse AnIll
she finally became bed-ridden ana a
confirmed invalid. Suffering marked
the progress of her malady which
was a malignant type Of nervous dis
ease. until it seemed to me That her
surferines would drive me insane
Then it was that | first gave lodging
room to the thought that Afterwards
lead to all my troubles.
Somewhere | had read Of woman
who's sisters, in order to relieve her
Of pain. had given her an overdose
Of morphine, and thus ended it all
Every period of suffering expert
cnced by mother, seemed to me 10
poiut out the self-same course of ac-
tion on my part. Try as ] would,
however. | could never nerve myseT
10 the commission Of the actual deed.
Then il was that ! thought Of using
Eldan. my oldest boy. as the one to
administer the overdose Of medicine.
I realized that to ask him to do TINS
without some sort OF preparation
would result in total failure; so | be-
gan to work on his sympathies, by
telling him how cruel IT was to allow
neople to suffer, as his grandmother
did. when It could be avoided.
This course Of reasoning finally had
the desired effect and one day after
particularly terrific period OF SUI
fering he asked me how we could
prevent it. Doubtless, it seems strange
that | did not prepare the medicine
and have him administer it without
knowing anything OF its increased
strength. and looking back upon
those days, | wonder now that | did
not. but. at that time it seemed the
only thing to do was to have him
thoroughly understand 1t all.
Several weeks passed before he
again mention it to me, and then one
day, after long time spent in study
ing and worrying on his part he
came to me and said, mother, I'll
do that Fix the medicine and leave
II on the table in grandmothers
room and I'll give 1t TO her" | kiss
ed him, and with shaking hands pre-
pared the dose that was TO kill my
mother, make my son a murderer
and finally to rob me of both mother
aud son, and yes, ! fear. my soul OF
eternal salvation. ] watched Eldan
give the medicine. and saw his star
iug eyes and blanched face as he hur-
riedlv left the room and the house.
Not until more than week after
the funeral Of my mother was the
subject mentioned by either OF u.s.
then Eldan came to me, and sinking
his voice in q whisper, said: Mother
do YOU believe in ghosts?' | told
him no; that there was no such
thing. and asked him why he was
thinking of such things. Mother,
THE CONFESSION GAL TWO
he replied, Grandma came to me
last night was not asleep, l was
awake. She asked me why l TOOK
her Nfe, and she said, 'Eldan, you
win have to pay for that life with
your own; you owe life, and yours
yor must give to pay the debt" He
was b. .ribly wrought up, and so ner-
vo,is that the doctor advised that he
he kept out of school for couple or
weeks.
After that time nothing was SAID
bv either of US. and Eldan finished
high school with creditable averages
He was at this time perfect specl-