The Washington herald., 1914-03-24
DAILY SHORT STORY.
HER LITTLE PLOT
By DONALD ALLEN,
(Copyright, lsli.l


Half the peopIe that attended the fun
eraI of Deacon Gordon's wife were watch
ing to see how he bore up under the try
ing circumstances 1t is always that way
at a village funeral.
The deacon shed no tears. His CHR
didn't quiver. He didn't look as II II
was the end of all things with him. There
were those who criticised him, but 1t was
old Mrs. Goodhue who abashed them by
saving:
Il dunno about that. A sasser of tea
will slop over a heap quicker n wash
tub full of water"
The deacCn's daughter and her husband
had come on to the funeral. Between
their getting home from the services and
the evening meal very little was said,
but at the table the daughter observed:
We'll, pa, you are going 10 feel awful
lonesome"
Il shall Hammer"
Been married long time
"Over thirty years.
And she was a good wife.
THE best in the world.
But you'll have TO marry again." put
n the S0n-in-law.N
No, SiU-neVer,
But you'll want home"
Yes. ana I'll hire a houseKecpsr.
~ephas YOU and Hammer just listen
while | say that l hope l may never 60
to heaven if l take another Wife!
The deacon meant that from the bottom
Of his soul. His coive broke, his eyes filled
and he used corner of the tablecloth
to wipe away his tears.
1t was mean of Cephas to wink at
his wife. but all sOns-in-laws are off the
same piece of goods.
In that same village of Dawson dwelt
The Widow Hastings. She was past forty.
well thought of, and the world has got
through saving she would marry again
If she got the chance. She had known
the deacon and his wife for many years.
She was sorry for his loss.
Mrs. Hastings had lost good husband,
as husbands go, but after his death she
hadn't said that if she ever took another
she hoped never to go TO heaven. A wise
woman does not tie herself up in that
uncalled-for manner. The most she will
say is that it is a sad loss to her.
The deacon decided not to board. He
engaged an old woman as housekeeper.
and though her cooking was bad he had
to put up with it. The old woman was
hanging to her job with her toenails as
1t were, fer she knew that she was no
cook. when she made a solemn promise
one day TO have some light biscuit for
supper. On thai day the Widow Hastings
dropped in and was told of the promise.
The biscuit turned out to be as heavy as
lead. and when the deacon sat down to
the table he picked up one and shouted:
BY the great horn spoon. but if one
of these hit a dog it would kill him
dead
Just then. as if she had timed herself
by a stOp-watch. in trIpped the widow
with six hot biscuits or a plate and COW
cred up with a snowy napkin, and to the
dcacon's look of Interrogation she said:
I was afraid grandma's biscuit might
rot be light. and so brought over some
Of my own"
When she had peen thanked by the
grateful man and had departed, he said to
himself:
IF anything could reconcile me to a
:eCord marriage it would be hot biscuit
like these"
And ;hen he took the last of the six
and sighed and added:
But 1 said I hoped I'd never go to
heaven
The old woman lad 70 go and another
came. One DAY wien the widow ran
over she wes told that the deacon drank
4 whole quart OF milk every night with
his supper. That evening, when the good
man poured out his milk and took swiS
of it, he shouted at the cook:
BY thunder, are you trying to poison
rner'
What's the NATTER"
This milk mas been soGrad with alum"
And in tripped The Widow Hastings with
q pitcher in her hand TO say:
81 think heard thunder this afternoon
and maybe it soured the milk. Here is
some fresh from the COW"
She didn't wait for :hanks. and the
deacon gulped down n glass of the rich
daid and growled: