davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1914-03-21
Up-to-Date Jokes

A lawsuit was recently in full swing
and during its progress a witness was
cross examined AZ to the habits and
character Of the defendant,
"Has Mr.. NJ n reputation for being
abnormally laZw2' asked counsel
briskly.
well. sir, it's this way"
"Wnl you kindly answer the question
asked?" struck In the rascble lawyer.
well, sir. | was going 10 say it's this
way, / don't want to do the gentleman
I'm question any Injustice, and won't
90 so far as to say. sir. that he's lazy
exactly. but II IL required any voluntary
work on his part to digest his food
why he'd die from lack Of nourlshment,
sir"
Mrs. Clark came running hurriedly
into her husbands office one morning.
"Oh. Dick" she cried, as she gasped
for breath ~ dropped my diamond ring
of my finger and | can't find 1t any
"It's an right Bess' replied Mr.,
Clark 81 came across It in my trou-
sers pocket
A local band was one day playing In
Scotland. when on old native came up
and asked the bandmaster what the
piece was they were rendering.
That's The Death OF Nelson, re-
piled the handmaster
AYE. man remarked the native, "ye
haze given hi man avfup death"
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1914-03-21

as 2 cat and will fancy she Is
sea sick all the time
Good bye, dearest. We're just
off. ] envy you. You happy. hap
py girl! ! am sure you viii have
such a good time. What man,
as natural as nature, ! see by
the insular paper that your is
ldnders adore him.
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1914-03-21

Hope you found your father
better Another wonderful man.
Such an original type, too! Good
bye. my dearest dear ALMA.
T. Slave missed you so
much, darling! Castle Raa wasn't
the same place without yoU--l as
sure you it wasn't.
While ! was turning this lette
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1914-03-21
o Little Bobbie Pa o

my grand skeem to help Mexico.
Do you think I am butiful queen like
Cleepatry? Ma asked him
You are moar butiful, sed Ia. & jest
as stubborn
You deer boy. sed Ma. IL you want to
60 down town awhile you may go.
Pa winked at me wen he was putting
on his overcoat and hat.
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1914-03-21

over in my hand, wondering what ;hr
beautiful Gend had meant by II. my
maid, who was standing by. was WIS.,
IDLY burning with "a desire 10 know
its contents and give me the benefit
Of her own Interpretation
told her in general what Alma
had said and she burst into little
screams of Indignation
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1914-03-21

Owe hopping smooth halls of
the his crushed-rose
singing he Pony Boy
"Tango-grl, Tango-gr,
Won't be girl?
Don't
Away
floor!
Tango-gl, Tango-gir
Vhir
along
Ny girl!
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1914-03-21

Love a old woeuly,
that they would be where girls be smile with girls omade with
girls they would chat girlsthey
o'clock p The Dan
the line of march
himself sitting rock
the by the roadside learned TangoNELG
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1914-03-21

We'll The huzzy! The wicked
huzzy! That's all she Is, my lady,
begging your pardon, and there's 40
other name for her. Arranged
month ago. indeed It was never
thought Of until last night after Mr.
Conrad's telegram came"
To Be Continued Monday.
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1914-03-21

Copyright. 1919, by Hearsts Magazine,
Copyright, 1918, by Hearst Magazine.
Copyright in Great Britain. Copyright.
1918. by J. B. Lippincott Company.
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1914-03-21

N. B.--Write to: Ladies Advisory
Dept. Chattanooga Medicine Co, Chat
tanooga, Tenn, for Special instructions,
and 64-page book, Home Treatment for
Women" sent in plain wrapper, on re-
quest. DNERTISEMENT.
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1914-03-21

T HAVE been reading a lot about this
| Mexican bandit Zapata, sed Pa, e.
l. idee has been growing in my
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1914-03-21
Sixty Third Chapter.

a LTHOUGH it was mid day be-
~ fore ] reached the Castle, the
gate to the park had not been
The Detroit times. [volume] (Detroit, Mich.) 1903-1920, 1914-03-11
RUNAWAY GIRLS FROM
ERIE. PA, CAUGHT HERE

Two little girls who ran away from
their homes in Erie, Pa, and planned
to enter the convent OF the Felician
sisters In this city, were met at the
depot by Patrolman Albert Schmidt.
Tuesday night. and we're sent to the
Juvenile detention home, to await
further advices from their parents.
The girls are Theresa Skoniecxka, Is
years old, and Helen Zurick. aged II,
and Theresa said her father ,'hol-
Tered" at her, so she got Helen, her
chum, to run away with her.
Helen's relatives had telegraphed
to the local police to be OH the look.
out for the girls. and to hold them
until the relatives could arrive here
to take the girls home.
Theresa got the convent idea from
the fact that one OF h/, sisters 10 Z
member of the Felician order in Al
pena, she says.
The Detroit times. [volume] (Detroit, Mich.) 1903-1920, 1914-03-11
HOLD HEARING ON
CIGAR STORE COUPONS

WASHINGTON. March 1.-THE
public really doesn't want to buy
coupons. John w. Yerkes. Of Wash.
ington, counsel for Independent to-
bacco manufacturers, told the house
ways and means committee today In
supporting the Underwood bill for q
prohfbitive tax on such coupons. He
declared that state laws against
trading stamps" are evidence Of the
real public sentiment.
l.. M. 6trook, OF New York. counsel
for the United Cigar Stores Co.
charged that the proposed legislation
Ia not . revenue measure but instead
only the answer to oft-repeated
charges that the United Cigar Stores
have put the small retailer out oil
business that they are vicious
trust" and that they are only crea.
lures Of the American Tobacco Co.
The Detroit times. [volume] (Detroit, Mich.) 1903-1920, 1914-03-11
ARTS GANG RALLIES 10
DErENsn or GIRL or j

Herman Russew. - years oll. =
No. s1e luinooDst. reshpaed vifnoq
Arthur ReziDs's knigAts a. ~ -
table. ever ready to 70 10 he ao61G
anes OF beauty IN dlstrsss. vhoa ~
enjoyed l1-yearold NaTis pUtlo9. c
No. SO Leland-st. Rnssow wouAi q
In police court. and was sent . ~
workhouss for 30 days In dsfaslt u {
ec6 One.
Arthur RNxine. who lives Ct No. So
Lelaud.st.. II only II ysarS Cd. but
when he saw Russow annoying Tie
little Detlo6 girl, and heard her ~.
peal for assistance, he whistled shril.
~ on his fingers, and In about one
minute. his knights. otherwise known
a. sde gang" swarmed around Rus
SOW, and held him. until patrolmsn
touk the man In charge. There wese
sbou. score Of young boys who ~.
sisted In the capture.
The Detroit times. [volume] (Detroit, Mich.) 1903-1920, 1914-03-11
GIRL FOUND LYING
UNCONSCIOUS IN STREET

CHICAGO. March 1l.-Tossing 10
delirium on "A cot at st. Bernards
hospital today. Miss Mayme Connors,
pretty milliner. told detectives dis
connected story Of how she came TO
be found unconscious early today,
wrapped in an expensive automobile
robe and lying In the middle Of .
busy street.
Two men took me and another
girl for an automobile riie last night.
she sasped. Something happened--I
don't remember what--and the next
I knew was here In the hospital"
Under persistent questioning Miss
C0nnors named an automobile chauf.
feur as one OF the men. Later she
retracted this statement and became
SO hysterical detectives could get
nothing further from her Attendants
ut the hospital said she h suffering
from conclusion of the brain and that
her condition Is critical. The police
believe she was thrown from an auto
mobile.
The Detroit times. [volume] (Detroit, Mich.) 1903-1920, 1914-03-11

Csutt ORicers Had
~ for Young Incor-
siyible fer Months

6nl her last nAme wouldn't
<l11Vpoo and might harm her
80 ht1lne within two blocks Of
;6o1nty building Tor elk months
~ NE olDeors OF the juvenile
~ the probation once and the po.
eoortment have hunted high and
yo1naoday. she was discovered
1 We cent to the House OF the
WA Ohopherd. She II l5 years old.
81 ~ story ID one Of hair-breadth
nDoo and . thrilling as the ad-
114os 0f any heroine of Laura Jean
~. She was frat brought TO the
1oot1on Of the Juvenile court year
~ 00cers went to her home to
1@Root her and saw her looking down
then from al upper window. They
1oot upstairs. but she was gone.
IAey searched the place without sue
- The next day the same thing
.opponed and the next and still the
@okt. Il became an obsesslon with
EAom % catch her. At last they dis
1cyorod her means Of escape. She
"a scrt = trap door In the roof near
- rear OF the house and Was able
" scramble out the hole to q ridge
~ and from there to the barn
Ehere she would burrow under the
~.
She was taken to the House of the
3oo0 Shepherd. A week later she
100 . rope ladder of sheets and
A drop Of 20 feet from the
|rttom Of the ladder to the ground
lk1nt injure her.
me wes recaptured but not until
90 nd managed to aid her younger
Edna, to escape from the same
1e011On. The second arrest was
Gcoless - the hrst and the girl
Wleto4 bolts and bars and six
nt4e ago slipped from the place.
X Nno knows how. The police and
o1nio Aunted Detroit from one end
~ 0thor In vain. and believed she
left the city until q few days
when Edna escaped again and
ID oufside aid. The hunt for Fran.
Immediately sprang into life. A
014 Was followed, halted, ques-
cos and the hiding place was un.
~ Il was . house within the
foet or the probation once and
134 ~ seen from the wi6dows 0f
county building.
- time Francis will be watched
The Detroit times. [volume] (Detroit, Mich.) 1903-1920, 1914-03-11
BUTTER, CHEESE AND u
EGGS ARE STOLEN

Butter and egg thieves reaped a
rich harvest. Wednesday morning,
whom two wagons were driven away
from near Michigan and Cass-aves,
Ono OF the wagons. owned by r. A.
Carroll. Of No. 436 Perry-st., contain.
ed nine crates OF eggs and 80 pounds
OF butter. valued 1T @3s. The Other
owned by W. Elevisr, uf No. 16l
Brainard-st., contained II crates Of
eggs, $50 pounds Of cheese. and 80
pounds of butter, valued 1t 300.
The Detroit times. [volume] (Detroit, Mich.) 1903-1920, 1914-03-11


mendous. buh.lieve me. I'd win out
too"
There IL Z shrewd suspicion in the
prosecutors mind, however, that
there will be no recall election, be-
cause nobody hates him 90 badly -
to take the responsibility OF saddling
the city and county with the expense
OF special election, which would cost
about 10000.
Mr.. Shepherd issued q statement,
Tuesday afternoon, In reply to Judge
Connolly's speech, Sunday. In the First
Congregational church, In which the
Judge said that certain oGacials are
showing too little respect for the law.
Il have followed my conviction that
on account Of the laws delay, an ct.
fective eradication Of certain kinds
Of criminals would b impossible e.
copt through the methods Of Riding
which have pursued" said the prose-
eutor.
He called attention to his raids on
slot machines, by which, he claims.
he hos saved the people Of Wayne
county about $4,000 . year, and on
loan sharks who. he says were TAX
ING 9Se0.00O . year from the people.
when I contemplated move on
Il loan sharks" no said, 'their at.
torney called ct my once and asked
ne not to raid them, but % permit
them to continue In business while
W. made . test case and went to the
suprome court with the matter. And
stlll again, when I turned my atten-
don to the Quack doctors, . very
treatment attorney asked me to fol.
low the same course. was also
criticised for not following that
course Of procedure IN court and
making teet cases In the matter Of
the bucket shops.
"Ths cases We did start have been
in court for two years, and heaven
only knows how much longer they
will b there. The point am making
10 this--that the right way was the
method ] followed. namely, putting
these brutes out Of business and pro-
tectins the public, and then taking
time 70 nght In the courts"
Mr.. Shepherd said that Judge Con-
nolly's argument that the criminal
court dockets are kept up TO date has
no effect, - the delay comes Through
appeals to higher courts. and In other
ways for which the criminal courts
are mot to blame.
II have conducted my ONCE" he
said, ION the theory that the laws de-
lay has . definite Relationship TO the
length of the purse Of the party At
tackled, and know that the purse Of
the loan sharks. Quack doctors, slot
machine operators and bucket shop
thieves was very long. II ali these
men had been poor. / might have pur.
sued dinerent course, but the course
did pursue protectad the pubic and
saved It hundreds Of Thousands Of dol.
lars"
The Detroit times. [volume] (Detroit, Mich.) 1903-1920, 1914-03-11
HEAPS GOALS OF FIRE ON
MAN WHO STRUCK HIM

Harry Oldneld an auto painter nv
ing at No. 3SS LAfayotteblyd., had
some locals Of nre" hsaped on his
head In police court Tuesday. when
David Cole. who bad caused his ar
rest on . charge Of assault, asked Jus.
tee JefRries to release him.
Cole had complained that Oidneld
his employee, had become lax In his
work ana. when discharged. had struck
Cole In the face.
Justice JefRries was about to send
Oldneld to the workhouse, when MS
former employer asked that he be re-
leased.
I'm sure he's sorry; he's . good
workman, and I'll take him back II
he wants 70 come" said Cole.
The Detroit times. [volume] (Detroit, Mich.) 1903-1920, 1914-03-11
MRS. VAN KEUREN ON
TRIAL FOR HER LIFE

CHICAGO. March 11.-Her mourn
Ing veil pushed back over her lips,
Mrs. Louise Van keuren. on trial for
the Staying Of her husband. held whis-
pered conferences with her attorney
today aud aided In the selection OF
the jury. The panel probably win Do
completed this afternoon.
George Penruse, alleged afinity OF
Mrs. Van keurcu, sat across the court
room with his attorney. Clarence Oar.
row, and his wife. Penrose 10 on trial
% IN accessory 10 the shooting OF
Van Keursn In his wife's Nat.
The Detroit times. [volume] (Detroit, Mich.) 1903-1920, 1914-03-11

1AIfuA. Mex. March liza
gpcnet rsceivsd today at Gen
- Villas hsaAqusrtsrs Of
qGht u Lama. southwest Of
oyS Gen. Contrsrss' Duran.
Y e ConUtitutiooaliGtas
praj forcs under Gen.
aayS ~ report, lasted
No. of the Asrcest char.
1tAl points n the Acid.
"a olng engaged hand TO
I)& 6oeralS are said to have
% ~ Held. Two hun.
W M wore captured. The de-
\ - 1opoipt u the report was
o - thet : courier had to
W = oo11ock 80 ktlometerS to
~ Tx nv q Nas4s.
NJ Ao0ny confirmed reports
y m pootofe6 II Regina ranch
= $ ! 0nyman, boenbrly os
M 1s md now . British
49, DftDsrty wss eennscat'
The Detroit times. [volume] (Detroit, Mich.) 1903-1920, 1914-03-11

Cd 10 days ago: Villa said he Was
convinced by the records that shy
man had purchased the property IN
good faith before the outbreak or the
Madero revolution In 1911.
ELL PASO. Tex, March 1l.-Rafael
MuEouis. consular agent OF the Mex
lean Observation-Disclosures In Eel Paso.
today discredited the report sent OUT
from Nagoles last night that 500 Con-
stttutionalists had been trapped AZ
Masatlan and annfhilated.
That the Mexican Constitutionalista
government intends to carry out Gen.
Villas declared intention TO urtner
the education Of Mexican youth IL
indicated by the arrival at Juarez to-
day of ave boys en- route to educa.
tionaI institutions in eastern cities OF
the United States. The boys are 10
years old. They headed their classes
In tho schools OF Chihuahua and as q
reward are to be educated at the ex
pense of the provisional government.
villa proposes. il he remains In
power. 10 send a certain number OF
BOYS 10 the United States each year
TO be educated.
(staM Correspondent United Prsss.)
, MEXICO CITY, March 11.--Brtsk
fighting continued today to the north
OF Torrson, according to reports
here. II was said that 1000
rederalg were successfully resisting
the attack of 5000 Constitutionalists.
Only meager reports OF the hghtins
were available In Mexico City, Gen
Tuerta evidently having ordered Q
strict censorship.
Huerta went about today with an
extra guard. because Of another re
ported plot to assassinate him. He
was Informed that q plan was on foot
10 kill him In one OF his favorite cafes.
The Detroit times. [volume] (Detroit, Mich.) 1903-1920, 1914-03-11
WINDSOR CASTLE Is
CLOSED TO VISITORS

LONDON. March 1f.--Because Of
the suffrasette mutilation Of velas-
quex's "venus'' In the National gal.
lery, King George today ordered
Windsor Caatls closed 10 the public
for an indefinite period. heretofore
certein parts Of the royal abode have
bOoA opoa - visitorS.
The Detroit times. [volume] (Detroit, Mich.) 1903-1920, 1914-03-11

JOLIET. Ill., March 11.-Ten-year
old Donald Stewards experiments in
chcmBtry wrecked his mothers kitch-
"a today. end 0isngured him for life.
The boy Manufactured IN inflamma.
~ 80 n = fruit jsr and touched Il
~ WITH q match. HIS face and body
vogo 1Ilod With bite q glass.
The Detroit times. [volume] (Detroit, Mich.) 1903-1920, 1914-03-11
LOCAL SLEUTHS
BID TO HANGING
Engraved Invitations Issued for
Execution Of Slayers in New
Westminster. h. {.

The efets east may grumble and
growl about the wildness and WOOL.
ness of the west. but they do things
up recherche In New Westminster. b.
c.. the town that was put ON the
map when robbers got $4,000 from
q bank, and Martin Powell was cap
tured In Detroit az one OF the yeggs.
Detective william Black. Trafilc
Ofncer Fineberg. Capt. Tom O'Grady,
and the other officers who went 10
New Westminster az witnesses In the
Powell case, and are going back there
again this spring. have proof that
there ID no limit to the social life OF
New Westminster. Even when they
bump on a pair OF homicidal burg.
lars, by ofhcially tying rope around
their nscks. and pulling the bottom OF
. platform out from under said siHy.
ere. the mandates Of society are OBJ
served In New Westminster.
Each Of the Detroit ofncers received
neatly engraved cards. from the far
northwestern city. Wednesday. The
cards have deep mourning border
and the engraving IL au fait. The In.
scription 10 NJ follows:
To the warden, Provincial gaol:
Admit-W. Black.
To witness the execution OF and
Judgment Of death ON H. F. Clark
and Frank Davis.
Friday. March 6, 1914, at New
Westminster. b. T..
Be In attendance at 7:45 o'clock
.. m.
Not transferable.
r. J. ARMSTRONG.
Sheriff.
Clark and Davis were interrupted
In burglary by q policeman. In
June. 1918, and they shot and killed
the ofacer.
They were convicted of homicide
charge. and sentenced to hang.
While the Detgoit officers were In
New Westminster. last October, Davis
broke jail, but only reached the yard
when he was recaptured. though the
episode created considerable excite
ment.
The New Westminster o6icials felt
that the local officers would be inter.
ested In the case, and put them on
The mailing list when the black Dor.
dered invitations TO the execution
were sent out.
The Detroit times. [volume] (Detroit, Mich.) 1903-1920, 1914-03-11

Take Up .. v. n. lnvontory.s
Railway Commissioners John F..
Dodge and William D. Mahon met
with the ID. u. X. ofYicials In the
mayors ONCE. Wednesday afternoon.
TO take up the inventory submitted
by the company several weeks ago.
James Couzens. the third member OF
the commission, is out OF the city.
The Detroit times. [volume] (Detroit, Mich.) 1903-1920, 1914-03-11

He allowed Miss Katherine Bald-
win, pitcher and leader In New York
society, to claim . home run though
she ran around the bases the wropg
way. His colsest decision was when
Miss C6nstance Robinson. of New
York, was tagged out after she had
run into deep center to avoid being
caught at second. The umpire held
that she would surely have been safe
had she slid feet first to the base,
but that Il was obviously impossible
for her 10 do that, because she was 20
prettily gowned. and for other rea-
sons.
The Detroit times. [volume] (Detroit, Mich.) 1903-1920, 1914-03-11

RIO DE JANEIRO. March 11.--Bs-
cause she 10 charming and young
just Gland unusually gifted, Nine.
da ronseca, wife of the president OF
Brasil, has quite overcome the cool
ness society showed her when sho
became the bride Of the elderly ruler.
The president II as years his wife's
senior.
The Detroit times. [volume] (Detroit, Mich.) 1903-1920, 1914-03-11

PALM BEACH. Fla. March H.
PALM BEACH. Fla. March To-
The most fashionable set of society
women now wintering In the south
played hot, nine-inning baseball
game before crowded stands. IL was
In all respects regulation. frst-class
baseball. played In accord with the
strictest rules OF the game. Except
that---the women found bats too small
to hit the ball with, and used tennis
rackets instead: most OF them wore
their gloves on the wrong hand: and
the umpire was liberal In his decis-
ions.
The Daily Missoulian., 1914-09-09
SALOON-KEEPERS MUST
CORRECT THEIR CLOCKS
BECAUSE or DEFECTIVE TIME
PIECES SOME OPEN TOO
EARLY, CLOSE LATE

Nissoula saloon keepers are having
trouble with their clocks. somehow,
the time pieces in the citNs various
tnVerns don't agree with the official
watches rs To opening and closing
times. A good many hostclries have
been pcddling booze out Of hours,
Chief Of Police Tom Kemp stands
ready to furnish All with the correct
tilne.
More than that will he do. Unless
some of the offenders secure the cor
rect time they will be given jail time
and will be pried loose from their
buoae- won kale, too.
"A good many saloons are opening
before & o'clock In the morning and
are closing later than | o'clock,
declared the chief We can't have
that Unless the saloonmcn can make
their watches agree with the court
house clock they will find themselves
in police court. There must be no
foniishncss,'
The Daily Missoulian., 1914-09-09
CHIEF Of POLICE
WARNS DRIVERS
WHO SPEED
TOM KEMP DECLARES THAT ALL
WHO RUN FAST Will FACE
JUDGE JOHNSON

-4phief Of ptliee Kemp has been
forced to islgtrucf his men TO
keen sharp lookout for speeders. Tne
last period of rigid enforcement of the
speed laws seems to have been for
gotten Automobile drivers and motor
cyclists have again been bitten by he
speed bug and are trying to barney
0ldfield their way about town.
Tell these people that they VIII
have to contribute 10 the city treas
ury unless they are more careful
said the chief. Some Of the
bugs seem to have forgotten the
fines they drew not long ago and are
cutting loose again. We can't have IT..
Lots Of complaints were made asf
week, and now we are soihS 10 clean
up, Close watch will bd kept, and all
who break the speed laws win he ar
rested.
why people will fry % speed in the
heart Of town is Il mystery TO me.
Some Of these automobile drivers
think Higgins avenue is n racefrack.
They will he Instructed by The police
magistrate in the proper uses of paved
streets.
"We have been watching and have
the numbers of some Of the Speeders.
Unless they use Il little canton they
viii be fined"
The Daily Missoulian., 1914-09-09
SERVICES
FOR JUDGE SLOANE
SCORES OF THE FRIENDS OF
RESPECTED CITIZEN HONOR
HIS MEMORY

Scores of friends yesterday par
,icipated in the funeral services over
the body OF John l.. Sloane, prominent
for years in the, life of this city, who
died last week in Seattle, The funeral
WAS held from the family home on
East Front street.
Rev. H. s. Galley conducted the
service. The Impressive ritual service
of the Grant Army of the Republic
also was held sAfter the service at
the home many followed the body TO
it's last resting place i'll the Missoula
cemetery.
Paansarers at the funerai were
Herman Kohn, Judge A. L. Duncan.
Judge +. c, Webster, Thomas oonlot'
William H. Reid, samuel Bellew.
The district court WAS adjourned for
the day as a mark of respect.