davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-07-16
TACTFUL PLUMBER

From the New York Times.
 The story is just getting around about a dinner given in exclusive Washington so- ciety, at which the most tactful person was undoubtedly 8 plumber in overals
 l. was an elaborate dinner The central feature Of the table decorations was a playing fountain. But just before the dinner was to be served the fountain refused to play.
 A plumber was hastily called He crawled under the table, and soon had the fountain sending delicate spray into the air. He was busy tightening the couplings of the temporary pipes unuder the table when the head butler, his mind relieved of a load of care when he saw the fountain playing, announced in the drawing room:
 Dinner is served"
 Before the plumber knew what was hap pening the guests had entered the dining room, chairs were drawn up and Inc suddenly found himself hemmed in by a wall of which trousers alternated with skirts.
 It was big round table, so he was safe from discovery from any shifting foot He scratched his head and wondered what he should do. He looked carefully around Neither to the right nor to the left nor be- tween any pair Of feet was there sufficient space for him to wiggle through. The only way to get out would be to tap or some knee and-"Pardon me, please"
 He didn't know much about the eti qrette of formal dinner parties, but Inc had a hunch that that wouldn't make 8 hit He decided that there was just one thing to do-stay where he was until the trousers-and-s wall departed. So therr he sat, while course after course was served. coffee sipped cigarettes and cigars smoked, nothing to entertain him but a ground floor view of high society,"
 When the dinner was at last over anc the guests had returned to the drawing room the plumber crawled forth
 The hostess had tarried for a moment to give few directions to the head but. Ter She gasped with nstonishment
 The plumber explained.
 Sir" said she. you are gentleman Then to the head butler: James, give this man $10 for himself" Then to the plum. Der: And please say nothing"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-07-16
WORST BATTERED OF MEN

Wilkesbarre Correspondence Philadelphia
 Record.
 Ralph R. Baird, 2s years old, today started a suit against the Kingston Coal conrany to recover s5O,0OO damages for injuries sustained while working for the company; and according to the statement fled in his suit he is the worst dis figured man alive.
 Baird alleges that he was ordered by foreman in a washery to oil machinery. While thus engaged he was dragged in the machinery and he sets forth his in- juries as follows:
 Right eye shot out of socket and rest ed on cheek; left ear cut off, disfigured and discolored left arm so injured that he lost several inches of the humerus bone; left arm useless. and hangs Imply at his side lacking joint connection and lever age power; left shoulder crushed and joint destroyed; nine ribs broken and turned out of position; heart and lungs ir.ured: one lung punctured by rib, which extended through outside skin, causing weakness oi heart and lungs.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-07-16

out northern Alabama the Methodists are numerically strong and socially representative. Hundreds of young men from various parts of Alabama would be found in the university stu dent body, and the institution would prosper from the start. The educa- tional field is ripe here for just such a university as the Methodists will build, and after careful and prayer ful consideration of all phases of the situation a majority of the commis- sion is being counted upon to vote for Birmingham.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-07-16
WASHINGTON AND THE ACTOR

From the Boston Transcript.
 It was a chance meeting, at an ac- cident on the road a few miles below Alexandria, on the banks of the Po- tomac. that brought Washington and the English actor Bernard together. An old-fashioned chaise, containing a man and his wife, and household lug gage. had been overturned. The actor was on horseback approaching from one direction. and another horseman. coming in the opposite direction at a gentle trot, was seen by him to break into a gallop on witnessing the acci- dent Both men were at work half an hour reviving. the injured woman, who had fainted, and getting the horse and chaise out of a ditch and reload ing it with its baggage It was strenuous work, under monday sun in the middle of July "My compan- ion" says the actor. after an excla- nation at the heat, offered very cour- teously to dust my coat-a favor the return of which enabled me to make a survey of his person.
 He was tall, erect. we'll made man, evidently advanced in years (170S), but appeared to~have regained all the vigor and elasticity resulting from life of temperance and exercise His dress was a blue coat, buttoned to the chin, and buckskin brooches Though. the instant he took off his hat II could not avoid the recognition oi "a face familiar to me, still I Jailed to identify him; and, to my surprise. found ,,,v,alf m ohfacf of aouaI epacu- lation in his eyes. smile at lenghth Lighted them up, and he exclaimed l"Mr. Bernard. believe" bowed. .1
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-07-16
PRINCE AS A FRESHMAN

From the London Times.
 An impression of the Prince of Wales life at Oxford, written by fellow un- Postgraduate, appears In the Times. The princes life in the university. he says, has been an experiment of rather dar- ing kind. It was decided that he was to be in every sense an ordinary under graduate. No distinctions were to be ob- served by those he met in manner or in style of speech. There were to be no special privileges. He was to come up as
 Thus, when he eventually arrived, we found that he was in no way different from any other undergraduate. except that he looked rather more youthful than most. that he still retained a pas sionate and almost wistful love of his life a sailor, and that he had taken the unusual course for an undergrad uate of bringing with him an equerry and a tutor, who lurked somewhere in the background.
 III olo6 oetiSil every llllnS WdS iho0S easy for him to take an immediate place in college life and interests. And he plunged at once into an almost bewil dering catholicity of interests and amusments. He was entertained and gave entertainments in return and those present found that though he was at first rather shy, he was delightful addition to a dinner party, most at tractive in the quiet and humble part he took in the conversation, but full of humor and with opinions at once de- cided and sane. His laugh and smile are perhaps particularly attractive.
 He was content to play football eagerly and preseveringly for the col lege second eleven; he became private in the officers training corps; he played golf, ran with the beagles, drove his motor car with enthusiastic speed. When he was not actually playing there was no more zealous spectator of col lege competitions, and in Flights week no more untiring follower of the boat from the towpath.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-07-16
Business Activity in New York

I spent several days in New York last week. and business conditions there seemed far more satisfactory than they were two months ago or even one month ago. said s. S. Greedy of Philadelphia.
 Early in the year New York seemed to be a hotbed of pessimism Calamity howlers were predicting continued depres- sion as long as the democrats were in power But now there is a great deal of optimism in New York, and general trade is very brisk there
 Business conditions in Philadelphia have been good for sometime I did not vote the democratic ticket, but this year, S DE crops will bring large measure of prosperity regardless of politics at Wash lngton. l am free to say that the dem ocratic administration is an agreeable surprise to many of us republicans
 As to the 1916 campaign, 1t is a little too soon to make prediction
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-07-16
IN HOTEL LOBBIES
Public Spirited co-operatIon

T believe Birmingham's chances for se- curing the university are good, but whether We get it or not our recent money raising campaign has been a good thing for this city," said Eugene L. Brown.
 We have had fine teamwork before, but have never known so many classes or people to get together and subscribe money literally to an important enter prise as was the case last week. l think Birmingham has done splendid work, and when. the campaign closed I relt that this city would be the winner, and 1 still think 1t will be.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-07-16
In the Musical World

had letter recently from my old friend, w. Spencer Jones of Haensel &. Jones of New York; Representing the Damrosch orchestra, and other great mu- sical attractions, saying that there would be larger number of music festivals In the south next spring than usual, and that MT. Damrosch would proba bly, direct most of them," remarked a local musician.
 Birmingham will have a festival next spring as usual. It will be given under the auspices of the Music Study club and under the directorate of Rienzi Thomas. but as yet the orchestra has not been selected. It is very likely that either the St. Louis orchestra or Damrosch will be engaged for the occasion. Whatever Is done in the way of securing an or chestra should not be delayed later than the Tall, as the demand for first-class organizations is more pressing than ever pefore. or course. this speaks well for the musical taste of this country, If MT. Damrosch is not engaged for the festival 1t should be easy to arrange for one or two symphony concerts by his superb orchestra during the spring"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-07-16
ADRIFT WITH THE TIMES
You HAvE sEEN rHEM-

YOU HAVE SEEN THEM. Said the Magazine Man to the Magazint Maid, [ As they met in the underwear pose: The artist was stingy with you, I'm afraid,
 But I'm glad he lets me wear my hose ,'
 Cincinnati Enquirer. Said the Magazine Maid to the Magazine Man, Handing him back his rap: me artist cut down your bathing suit Till 1t doesn't cover your map"
 Memphis Commercial-Appea Said the Magazine Maid to the Magazine Man,
 With fine affectation of rage, Such shocking exposure good people should ban And we're both on the very same pager'
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-07-16
ADVERTISING BIRMINGHAM

Gadsden Journal In case Birmingham loses its fight for the Methodist univer- sity, it might devote that half-miliion
 Huntsville Democrat: Birmingham com missioners are arranging to put into ex- ecution about the last of the month, an ordinance which was adopted at meet ing last week, to segregate the colored race of that city. In blocks where colored people are in the majority no more whites are allowed to move and vice versa This is an excellent Idea to adopt in every community.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-07-16

Montgomery Advertiser: The Gadsden that there was not murder in Jeffer- son county last Wednesday, but the Jour nal publishes no affidavits to prove its statement. It may be month yet before the officers of Jefferson county will know of the murders that may have happened in Birmingham last Wednesday, Outside newspaper men are not expected to know more than local officials.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-07-16
A TOOTH RECORD

From the Tuscaloosa News.
 MT. and Mrs. Miley Cowan of Holt are being congratulated by hosts of friends on the arrival of a fine baby boy, weigh ing 111a pounds.
 The baby is the proud possessor of a perfect little 'toofie.' Dr. A. D. Killan, the attending physician. and other local physicians, state this is the first instance that has come under their experience of baby being born with tooth.
 Master Cowan is splendid, husky littlo baby.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-07-16
Pleased with Birmingham

Birmingham looks good to me" said John J. Timlin of Atlanta, represent ing the loan department of the New York Life Insurance company.
 Our company has lent about s2.50O,- ooo In this city, and l will be coming here frequently to inspect the property on which the loans were made. Bir- mingham is evidently growing rapidly, and solidly and loans made here are regarded as first class investments"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-07-16
A FESTIVE SIRE.

Young MT. Toddles seems very grave and thoughtful for his time of life"
 Yes. He says that when ones father tangoes in the open air one has to do something to help maintain tAe family dignity"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-07-16

The Rev. Curtis shugart says that Montgomery is the most vicious city in which he has ever planted his foot. As a result of the misplaced compliment, Father Montgomery is all swelled up. He reminds one of the little shrimp who could scarcely contain himself for pride when his wife erred in charging that he had an affinity.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-07-16
PRoPoRTIoNArE GREED.

This seems to be a rather ornate hotel"
 Yes. I shall not stay here long" Why not?'
 I've learned that the more gilt there IS in the lobby, the more rapacious the walters are in the dining room"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-07-16
NOTHING soFTENs HIM.

''Tompkins seems to have an incurable grouch.''
 T agree with you. I've known him to eat a meal that would delight an epicure, toss off glass of cordial, light 25-cent cigar and start right in to knocking humanity"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-07-16

BEGINNING THE DAY-Let nofh- ing interrupt my communion w"n Thee, My Father God. May do Thy ~,,, ,nd sce Thy face. May l value th. sep.e of Thy presence more than .u tb. epticements of sin. May w,IL with Thee and talk with Thee today. and may everything l do De I.,d before Thine eye. In Chrfsfs name. Amen HI. NJ. E.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-07-16

The Geiger Times declares that 1t does not indorse the teachings of Omar Khay- yam We have always felt that sooner or later something would happen to make the old tent maker turn over in his grave.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-07-16

Colonel Watterson tells President Will son that if he doesn't step in and grab Mexico the country will get President who will. That sounds like an ultimatum
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-07-16

Irasmuch as Hoke Smith and Joe Brown have already many times accurately de- scribed each other for the delight of rural Georgia. it is probable that no new issue will be injected into their present cam paign for the Senate
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-07-16

A Boston judge told a man that when his wife spanked him he should run away and not stop until he was tired. But sup pose his wife won't let him run?
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-07-16

The open season for murder in Bir- mingham serves well the country week lies. With speculation concerning the req son for the crime wave, their editorial columns are easily filled.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-07-16

The suffragettes have informed the King that he Is afraid of his wife. That was the only womanly thing that they have done in many a moon.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-07-16

An educator says the study of algebra causes girls to lose their souls. The coun- try seems to be full of educators" who air foolish opinions.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-07-16

The most nlirth-provoking sentence in the English language is this: There will probably be an extra session of the leg islature this fall"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-07-16

It is said that the only Palm Beach suits seen in New York this summer were worn by pu6gy gentleman from Keol1ul1 and mere or less prominent politician from Wedowee.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-07-16

new automobile and a new mortgage go hand in hand. But if today be sweet. as Omar has it, why fret?
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-07-16

Chicago authorities claim that taxpayers have been lodging their obligations to the extent of s5OOoOooo. A fine example of artful dodging.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-07-16
A POPULAR DIVERSION.

The woman with a little gun
 And bullet made of lead, Appears to find it lots or fun
 To shoot her husband dead.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-07-16

The almanac summer is half gone and according to some authorities the dog days are here. Other authorities say the dog days begin the first week in Au- gust and end early in September.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-07-16

Bulls killed two fighters in Madrid Sun day, which merely goes to show that the bulls occasionally have an inning.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-07-16

Mrs. Pankhurst Is reported to he break ing up.' There'e no telling how many cops she has sent to the hospital suffer ing from nervous prostration.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-07-16

A celebrated detective says there is no mystery in the Carman case. Certainly not-to a celebrated detective
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-07-16

It has been decided in London to run down arsonettes with dogs. British pa- tience seems to be at low ebb
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-07-16

ernor in Texas on platform which de- clares for mo saloon in politics. than on a platform which declares for prohi- btion straight out. For that req son it Is said that Tom Ball will be elected
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-07-16

An Albany dentist thinks women should have their teeth examined before mar riase. The catty kind should have their nails trimmed.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-07-16

Villa may have his faults, but he has never indorsed any particular make of safety razor.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-07-16

New York firemen turned their hose on Columbia students who were celebrating a victory on the water.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-07-16

Huerta didn't even have to vote for him. self in the last election.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-07-16

And indeed, sir, there are coAene's abroadI Therefore if behooves men to be wary
 Winters Tale.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-07-16
WHICH IS UNCERTAIN

WHICH IS UNCERTAIN. When Mrs. Gabb and Mrs. Gadders start to talking you can never tell when they are going to stop.''
 You can't tell unless you happen to know the exact moment when the person they are talking about is going to enter the room."
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-07-16
SLIGHT CONSOLATION.

T see where a man who stopped to pick up a horseshoe was run over by an auto mobile.
 That proves a horseshoe doesn't al- ways bring good luck, eh?"
 T don't know. A nail in the horseshoe punctured one of the automobile tires"
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-07-16
HEB WEAK

HER WEAKNESS. A lovely lass Is Aggie Snow, Who cannot pass A picture show.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-07-16
A SENSIBLE EDITOR

Tomorrow: Trial of Jacob Leisle
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-07-16
THE BRIGHTER SIDE.

You told me last week that Miss Flirtly looked with favor on your suit"
 T thought so at the time, but I've since found out that she was using me as de- coy to win back a fellow with whom she had quarreled"
 That's rather hard on you"
 "Oh, 1t might be worse If 1t hadn't been for her I might not have learned how to dance the maxixe.'
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-07-16

Daily and Sunday Age Herald-ss.Oo Daily and Sunday per month .... ..o Daily and Sunday, three months z'oV wast1v Ape-Herald. per annum.. .50
 s,rday Ags-4arald ..... 200
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-07-16

Entered at the Birmingham, Ala. postoffice as second class matter ohneF act of Congress March 3. 1873.
The Birmingham age-herald., 1914-07-16

A. J. Eaton, Jr., and Q. E. Young are the only authorized travelling repre- sentatives of The Age-Herald ln us circulation department.
The Washington times., 1914-02-07
MARINE BAND BARS
BAB|ESAT CONCERTS
Youngsters at Barracks Have
Drowned Tuba's Notes, Say
Many Music Lovers.

The United States Marine Corps has
declared war on babies in arms, and
has placed an exclusion act Of its own
that is destined to arouse tn crescent
Inent of many mothers.
There have been many complaints at
the disturbances by babies at the
Monday afternoon concerts OF the
United States Marine Band at the
Marine Barracks. In the past two
weeks conditions have grown particu-
lsrly acute, and Col Lincoln Kar-
Dlony has been deluEed with protests.
Lieut.. William H. Santelmann, leader.
Is a lover of children, but when he was
unable TO hear the tones of the great
tuba above the piccolo effusions Of the
infant army. he Joined others in making
communications to Colonel Harmony.
AS a consequence, the order has gone
forth that no infants in arms, Or others
who are uncomfortable by their mothers
Or guardians will be admitted 10 the
concerts. The edict has been signed,
sealed, and delivered, and unless the
fond mothers can induce the Nav De
partment to interfere, only time can
eface the decree Of banishnent against
the present generation of youngsters.
The Washington times., 1914-02-07
Cornerstone to Be Laid
For All Souls Church

The cornerstone OF All Souls Ne
mortal Protestant Episcopal Church,
Cathedral and Connecticut avenues, will
be laid tomorrow afternoon at O'Clock,
in the presence of Bishop Alfred Hard
ing. Services will be conducted by the
Rev. j. Macbride Sterrett. and the for
NAL address will be made by the Rev.
r. II. McKim.
Work on the new structure will be
pushed rapidly and it is hoped that
services may be held in it before May.
The congregation, organized less than
two years ago in the heart OF the Wash
ington Heights district. has grown rap
idly. until the portable building In which
it has held services Is not large enough
to accommodate il. DR.. Sterrett is
rector.
The Washington times., 1914-02-07
Epworth League Notes.

John: GentlenesS With 'Vehemence,
is the topic for the Epworth League
/, devotional meetinss Sunday evening.
Courtney NJ. Bradley will lead the
service at Foundry Chapter Sunday
evening. They will hold a Yalcntine
social at the church February 13. for
members and friends of the chapter.
The contest at Douglas Chapter for
increasing the attendance and member
ship Is proving effective, according to
the reports from its officers. Their re-
port to the District League shows the
attendance at the Sunday evening
league meetings since January !, as
follows:
January, (, 81: January IL. 80; Jan
1ary is, 1s2i January %, 15l; February
grow" 1t ia reported that they have
accomplished much in increased en-
thusiasm and interested devotion in
the work, in addition to the gains
music, and good fellowship, and wei
come to visitors, Is their motto.
A colonial social viii be given by
Douglas Chapter, February %. at the
church, Eleventh and H streets north
east.
Mr.. Peters CT Wfikesbarre, Pa. pres
ident of the National Custom Cutters
Association, spoke before Hamline Chap
ter last Sunday evening. as a convert
under the preaching OF Billy Sunday.
Inc DiSlTICl EpNOFIn Le6Suc DOdIQ
Of control lame duck meeting held
on Wednesday evening in Wesley Chap
el was well attended. Good reports
were given of the work being done
in the different chaptera. Nine men,
oers cf Douglas League. 1t was report
cd Joined the church last Sunday "A
Picture of Christ is the name Of a
book which the first department viii
take up for study in a recently organ
lied class at Douglas. A rally OF the
Junior Leagues II the District will
be held on May n. A lecture on One
side People" oy the Rev James s.
Montgomery. d. D., will be given by
the District League in Hamline Church.
on Wednesday evening, February ..
The annual convention committee was
appointed, 20 consist of the cabinet Of
f!cers and Messrs. Onuhundro and Tru-
man. The nomination committee ap-
pointed Is Messrs. Hoover, Falconer
and Varney. Progress was reported on
the preparations for the rest cottage
to be opened in the spring. An excel
lent "Cafimuse" entertainment was Civ
en- last Friday evening.