The Washington times., 1914-07-12
Felix Mahoney, Under the
Microscope of Southpaw
Scientist, DiscIoses Ravages
of Mysterious Germ.
Bv GARDNER MACK


The Jolt that created the original
hiatus between civilization and SIM
plicity-the grandfather of all the
jolts that have widened the dis
tance these millions of years-was
the invention of the basket Econo-
mists have told us that the artificial
tiles of life originated with the crea-
ton of property. And the invention
of the basket by Mother Eve-who
needed something TO put away the
leftovers from an Eden dinner party
in preparation for tomorrow morn
ing's hash-gave to the world its
first piece of basketry. She didn't
call 1t basket. In fact there is no
record that Eve knew what she was
doing. But she bent few pliable
twigs to form a receptacle for the
leftovers. And this receptacle was
"a basket.
1t is, therefore, not unreasonable
to suppose that the basket is Tespon-
sible for all the ills from which hu-
manity suffers, nor is unreasonable to
trace the originsand growth of the
insidious germ called '-picnicus null
tifarious" directly to the basket,
which is its cost of arms-in a man
ner of speaking.
Zone of Infection.
1t is in the quest of the types Of
AoNICAAo A2AdI PCOPAC "
forms Of mental and physical effort
which they call amusement, that We
found the perfect schizomycete we
have given the name of picnicus
multfarious. Picnicus because
that is what il sets out to be; null
tifarious because the late lamented
heather Chinee never had so many
culiarity as does this minute
growth. And the germ received
prompt recognition because il COM
bines mental and physical effort
extreme mental and physical effort
and because its zone of infection
is bounded only by the community
spirit of the human race. That 1t
is development of civilization
pure and simple is easily understood.
Who ever heard of a primitive saw
age organizing a picnic? That ii is
due to the basket, absolutely, is as
easily proved. Who ever heard of
only response to these queries Is
a picnic without q basket? Echo's
the most expressive sine quo non
the line is busy"
Being but a southpaw scientist,
II is rather difficult TO get into those
scholarly terms that are least under
standable, the exact definition of the
germ We have uncovered-rather
than discovered. A southpaw scien-
list as distinguished from one Of the
regular type is one who knows lit
tie or nothing about the subject he
is exploiting and admits it There
$re, the exposition of picnicus null
t:farifus should start at the very be-
ginning so that the generous public
can be in possession of sl the facts
at our disposal and form its own
conclusions-which, I am sure, will
agree absolutely with mine.
Felix Under the Microscope.
Felix Mahoney was no help at all
in this research. Felix is a con-
firmed sufferer from one of the most
pernicious forms of the malady
caused by infection from these
germs Felix makes one grand picnic
Of his whole life and actually thinks
II wonderful to spend the beautiful.
Sight days he might be receiving
inspiration in his very complete
studio, in a camp up the Potomac
river. Perhaps / was wrong in say
ing he was no help. AS a matter Of
fact, he was a great help-it was by
turning the microscope on him that
I got the first inkling Of the disas-
ter the germ has wrought.
Picnicus multifarious is we'll named
a schizomycete. A look into your
dictionary will show you that A
sehizomycete is a fission fungus Of
the most minute form-in fact, dis
coverable only under the most
an utter lack of chlorophyl. And
that is one Of the most important
manifestations.
An organism without chlorophyl is
the most dangerous sort. as any
schoolboy knows.
And that, too, is why this particu-
lar germ has never before been given
. Le should he given
ChlorophyI is the substance. which
gives the green color to other forms
Of organism of vegetable growth.
One can discover the green color
that pervades almost every other
type of msnia-but its absence in the
person infected by the picnicus is
what has made the discovery OF this
germ So difficult an undertaking.
The discovery was an accident-like
a whole lot of other discoveries.
Felix came into the office loaded
down with bundles. He had cheese
and mosquito netting, and incense to
be used TO drive all the mosquitoes
comfortable to sleep outside; and
q frying pan and some lard and 4
package of matches. together With a
card of hooks and eyes, and 800 or
90 feet Of hemp rope.
He looked like a Christmas tree
prepared with special attention to
tho average Sunday school teachers
conception of the needs CT the
heather. And he said that at last he :
could escape the horrors 0f his cool
office. the discomforts of electrically
famed city air for the canvas back
or covnrcd-home OF his choice on
rhS muddy banks of the upper Po-
tomaC
There, he said. in a bathing suit.
ard without the aid of single
modern convenience he could fight
the mosquitoes in his own primitive
way, and prove that Edison was
right when he said a man needed
only four hours sleep. by remaining
in camp from Saturday noon Until
Monday morning
Felix was on his way TO happiness
and content-and a leaky roof and
ofI,- I1