The Washington herald., 1914-05-19
Stateslasn, Real and Mean.
BY FRED c. KELLY.

BY EHEO Cs HELL 4. 49, 80
When Representative waiter N. chsnd-
ler, Of New York, was travelling over
Europe ~ . young man seekipg educa-
tion and adventure. he dropped in one
lday to have . look at the catacombs OF
Rome.
Now the catacombs do not comprise a
sprightIy place. even under the most ia
vorable circumstances. and between the
dim light and the dronfng voice sof his
guide. who pointed out the final resting
places Of people once prominent In Roman
society, Chandler soon. saw all of the
catacombs that he cared for. Just when
the place was getting thoroughly on his
nerves, Chandler came face to face with
what seemed TO be the reincarnation Of a
college professor he had known at the
University of Texas. Chandler was not ex-
pecting TO see anybody from 20 far away
In the Roman catacombs. and neither was
the professor. Each therefore ieaped to
the same conclusion. TO wit: that he was
looking into the face Of Somebody who
had Just risen from the dead. The flick
erins lamps borne by the guides gave a
deathlike pallor to the faces that helped
to confirm this notion.
So Chandler and the Texas professor
gave one scream apiece and tainted.
senior Ion EuuaruO Sudrcz-MuJicd-
Minister from Chile to the United States,
and one of the mediators Of the Mexican
trouble, has a quiet sense of humor. He
derives a great deal of amusement out of
the ignorance Of supposedly intelligent
persons In the United States In regard to
Chile and other Latin-American coun-
tries.
Not long ago a certain United States
Senator met Senor Suarez at a social
gathering and by way OF small talk asked
him:
Are there many white people living
down In Chile?'
DO you ask came back the Chilean.
because they are scarce in your
State?"
why, my dear SIR" explained the
Senator in astonishment. Il come from
a Northern State and our people are
practically all white
It's the. same way with u.s. smiled
the minister; ''our people are nearly all
white"
But" persisted the Senator. II thought
that In South America there were a
great many colored people"
There are a good many in gome parts.
just as there are a good many In some
parts of this country" replied Senor
Suarez yet you still regard North
The Senator shifted the talk to the
weather and walked away perp,exedly
scratching his thigh.
Senior Suarez-Mujica is noted in WASH
ington for the possession Of the most
elaborate set of whiskers In diplomatic
circles They are dark. fan-shaped whis-
kers that trail over his chest somewhat
like the half-spread feathers of a pea
cock over the ground. An almost iden-
ticaily similar whiskatorial outfit be-
longed to a former Greek minister and
this caused the two diplomats to look
so much alike that they were frequently
confused. But Senor Suarez-Mujica now
has the field all to himself.
When Miss Jessie Wilson was about to
become the first White House bride under
the present administration, James Mar
tine, being the senior Senator from New
Jersey, circulated urbanely among his
Senatorial associates to raise a fund for
a nice little gift from the Senate to the
bride. The gift was bought and that
was the end OF that incident Time went
on and Miss Eleanor Wilson became the
second White House bride of the admin
istration. Once again Senator MARITIME
went among his associates to gather a
little money for a suitable bridal present.
Hasn't been long since you were
around on a similar mission" laughed
one Senator as he gladly contributed.
Yes" admitted MARITIME, Pm getting
so 1 feel like a deacon"
A group of men were talking about
funny sights they had seen and then
the topic shifted to funny possibilities
in other words, what would be the
funniest sight one could imagine?
Morton Milford, of the
News, spoke up and said
he couldn't think of anything that
would look quite so funny as the huge
Ollie James standing in the aisle of a
street car. trying TO force a vast thumb
and forehnger into a small coin purse
after a lO-cent piece.
One OF Representative Halvor Steen-
erson's constituents wrote in from
the other day to be set
straight on an important matter that
he did not quite understand.
I've been reading about this WON,
ans suffrage for two or three years
now" his letter said, "and the trouble
seems to be growing so that I've got TO
what it is that they're suf-
fering FROM. Are they suffering from
some new kind of a contagious disease.
or what is it?''
Patten. the Chicago man who I'M
dertook to corner wheat a few years
ago, was in Washington recently. He
appears to wear machine-made clothes
and handmade shoes and does not
look the part of a wheat king. One
would take him more readily for a feed
store proprietor in a small town.
Copyright. 1884, by Fred c. Kelly. All rights