Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1914-06-21

the American navy, or :. the boys in blue
f. Feigned reluctance in coming out to make
ones bow after act.
S. ANY heroic dramatic speech, such as
Never shall it be said that New York fire.
man ever deserted girl in distress!' This is
not so great an exaggeration as you may
imagine.
g. The trick of pretending to be out of breath
and on the verge of collapse just after an ex-
tended clog dance.
ITO conclude the statistical side of my con-
LESSONS, find among my records the
following critical transcript of vaudeville
secrets, which I must set down here to make
nv tables complete. Each and every one is
as true now as it was on the day the list was
prepared-and that was sometime ago:
/. Every time comedian falls down the
man at the right end of the orchestra must
whack the bass drum.
2. An acrobat is expected to fail at least
twice in a difficult feat before he finally ac-
composites it.
3. Ali tramp comedians must make their
appearances putting vigorously at cigar butt
4. All clog dancers must wear their hair
very long, so that it will fly UP and down and
convey deeper idea of the energy required in
the dance. and they must always inhibition
their coats further to accentuate their move
ments at the finale
S. An empty street scene painted on the back
drop must always bring forth comic remark
about some nearby city presumably devoid OF
activity. For instance. in New York. Newark
must be the target; in Philadelphia, Cam
den; and SO on.
g. Every time performer says. "You I'M
derstand, do you not?" his partner must reply.
"Yes. 1 do not!"
As rule two-dollar audience is easier
to please than ffty-cent vaudeville audi
ence, despite what you may be led to believe
to the contrary from the apparently system
atized and unfailing tables of laughs, sobs,
and thrills that have given you. A vaude-
vile audience demands that each individual
act presented to it make good in exactly
twenty minutes, the time allotted to each.
The two-dollar audience is content if it is
pleased by performance as O yh0Le in two
hours and half. A thorough cognizance
and understanding of the laugh, cry, and
thrill secrets of vaudeville, therefore, al
though they may be employed to 60 long
way toward establishing a performers sue
edge of many other things if a performer
would get the greatest effect out of his
twenty minute act.
! In addition to playing in the vaudeville
theaters in recent years, ! have been oc-
cupying some of my spare time in the capac-
ity of what might be termed 3vaudeville
M. D." or comedy carpenter; that is,
have been applying the results OF my ex-
perience in the two-a-day field to other acts
of recent vintage that have fallen i'll, as it
we're, and have found themselves in need of
physician to doctor them up and put
strength and vitality into them.
SOME of my adventures in this line may
throw new light on some hidden phases
of the variety business. One day not long ago,
for example, was asked to watch dramatic
sketch that was being tried out that week
in a theater near New York. Something
was wrong with it, so the leading actor in it
told me; but just what that something was
he could not tell.
The minute after the curtain went up on
the sketch and the vaudevillist in question
came out on the stage, saw just where the
difficulty lay. The vaudevillist was sup
posed to be playing the role of a Anew York
society man" and in that guise was wearing
evening clothes and-tan shoes! explained
to him, after the act was over and in as
suave manner as could muster, that the
whole sketch fell fiat because the tan shoes
robbed the audience from the very start of
any Society man" impression it ought to
get, and that as a consequence the audience
couldn't, wouldn't, accept as serious what
was meant to be a serious role.
The vaudevillist looked at me; then he
said, "You don't know what you're talking
about! I got this rig, exactly as it stood,