Grand Forks daily herald and the evening times., 1914-07-16
NBY CHAMP KRAB.)

The 4i:th da'iy gathering of The
krab konStnt;or vas held last night,
and. judging from the sounds that
emanated from the confines of the
morgue. they had a real warm SEES
sion. Resolutions declaring that the
Grand Forks baseball team ought to
be turned into piano worries were
unanimously passed. A few of the
conservatively inclined thought this
action was too drastic, but they had
no more to say about 1t than a fly
under a swatter.
The convention was called to order
by l.. M. ~. Krab, who hoped upon
Il billiard table and raped for order
with e cowbell. In a few we'll chosen
words President Krab explained the
wherefores of the gathering.
Gentlemen Of the Krab Konven-
tion," he began in stentorian tones,
W. are assembled together in solemn
conclave. We have come here to con-
called us from the warm spots of the
curbstone. where we have been wont
to run things. We are face to face
with grave disaster. Duty summons
us, and where duty"
"Oh. can dat talk. yu big boob
interrupted another krab. DO VI
t'ink we've came here to hear a big
stiff like you give us de William Jel l.
nings Bryan receipt for saving de
country?"
"Ill ask the gentleman who repre-
sents the corner of Third street and
DeMers venue to eschew such Ian
guage In addressing the chair else
the sergcant-at-arms will escort him
out" replied the 'dignitsry in charge
of the party.
tT o{r'f Nhauy{~S N~r%st~r hut <.r
bacco." WI see," responded the offend
ed delegate. II ONE here to tell vi
what ! knows about runnin' dis big
package: of p~ineheads. and you starts
to give me de Friends. Romans,
Countrymen.' First ting I knows
yu'll be askin' me to say de BILE ssin'.'
Order. please" coaxed the chair.
After a few rounds of preliminary
GUESSING order was restored and the
chair continued: I
I'll ask Mr.. U. r. A. Krab, who
represents the strongest party Of curb.
strone d~ignitaries in the city, to state
his position"
"Muh posish is simple" replied
U. r. "A. Krab. "I t'ink we've got g
rotten team. I t'ink de hui bunch Is
a boob. OATS what I thinks. Why
Misser President, 1 knows more base
ball dan dose guys ever Gin learn
w" Wis idll NPllCc'CI via
tn do wit dat team; but. bltme, he
won't lissen tn muh. He thinks he
knows more about 1t dan ] does. I
t'ink we've got tn do something"
Fats a remarkable statement" III.
%terrupted the Gentleman from the
corner of Third street and DaMers
avenue. DO something? Well, Y,
poor ftlbert, amt 1 tole yu for de last
sly weeks dat we gotta do something
Ainf 7 tN1a n, dot u,a hoI - I,,-eI -
dubs? Say. what da yu tink I've
been dcin' all dis time-fallin' dowr
! IN muh job? Amt I said dat des
. couldn't play ball If dey was fcd bise.
balls fur breakfast? And amt I tole
dis same Wheeler dat I knows moT
about de game dan he does?
Gentlemen 'interposed the chair
I'VE really must cease this unneces.
sary debating. 1t is degrading. W.
have come here to consider the wei.
fare Of our team, and we-'
rigible from the corner of Third stree
rible from the Corner of Third stree
and DeMers, who in the next breath
proved that he also was some wit
Well fare well if we can De outat.'
M Krab," began the chair.
Just you wait till I gifts tru here
lie me tell 0 something. IBIS For
William team is de only one dat ain
beat u.s.
We'll cheer up, old top" replied
another delegate, 1.-The Fort william
team will be in Grand Forks Friday
So don't lose heart
Whose losin' hearth" inquired tn,
noisy one from the Corner of Thirf
and DeMers avenue. "Say, I'll lis
bet yu de drinks dat we don't vii
anodder game"
"Say, do o want US to get 70,
drunk in a hurry? Is that your plan
You must be the proud possessor O
a rubber vat to think that you "a,
get away with all the drinks vel
have to buy"
Gentlemen, I must ask you t,
cease this idle chatter" Numbered tn,
chair. I'VE really lave great prob
lens before us and we must sow
them tonight. Now, u baseball