The Washington times., 1914-01-16

D1 LAAD NAN4AANs
NE Of those food faddists told
an assemblage of ministers in
~ Los Angeles the other day that
any minister who eats three
or four meals a day is a dTunkard. He
alleged his surprise that the saloonkeep-
ers did not awake and show up some
OF the ministers of the city. He went
on:
"A minister should not eat mince pie,
Ioast pork, fried potatoes or beel bouil-
!on. He should eat sixty grams of beef,
hsh. eggs, whole wheat bread. beans or
nuts To preach the best sermons he
should eat raw vegetables, salads and
many onions"
Naturally, the ministers must have
lel' keenly this singing rebuke. Every
body knows what enormous feeders
ministers are. The average salary of a
minister is about $500 year, and II VIII
readily be seen that they can easily
oveTfeed on this and have plenty left for
the purchase of fine clerical garb, for
COOKS and for other luxures. 1t Is &C
tually shocking to see a minister de-
Vour roast pork.
And it is an actual fact that there
are ministers right here in our own
heauttful city of Washington who have
eaten mince pie. / shall not, however,
lay their shame before their people
and the rest of the community by
naming them. That there are men of
the cloth who live near Dupont circle,
who are addicted to fried potatoes and
beef bouillon 1 know to be a fact-a
sad fact, but a fact.
This expert gave the ministers whole
some advice as to what to eat The
teef. fish, eggs, whole wheat Dread,
heans or nuts is just what a clergyman
needs TO make him spiritual and in
spfrtng. A delicate food like beans, for
instance, conduces to nobility of
thought He should beware, however,
Of eating too many nuts. 1t is veil
known that they may make one ''nutty."
Let moderation in all things be the
rule for ministers, as for all men
save food faddists. But this regimen
IS given for ordinary purposes. On it
they can do their regular parochial
work and preach plain sermons. But
note that something else Is required for
the best sermons, as, for instance, when
the President is one OF the conyreCa-
ton. The inspiring effect of raw
Lur4ip is familiar to every barerocted
10y who ever pulled one from the cold
Garth in his fathers field.
Onions and LobsterS Approved.
And salad. Think Of tue sermon that
could be preached after eating a lobster
of this whole address. The consumption
OF onions-many onions, will make the
best minister. 1t will keep off the as
saults Of the Evil One, leaving him free
from temptation. It will strengthen
him and make his voice strong in
preaching the Word. 1t will give to
him the odor of sanctity, from which
his words will have greater weight. Oh,
yes, onions, many onions, more onions
for the best sermons.
Would that 1 had mere time and
space to devote to the discussion Of
this little homily on clerical feeding
Great are the ways of science. But
greater far are the ways of the science
that knows ii all. AS this wonderful
mans words are spread abroad through
the land, look to see a great change
in the ways of our ministers. II will be
good to detect on the breath OF the men
Of the cloth on Sunday morning the
Odor OF the succulent and inspiring on
ion, for then we shall know that we are
on that Sabbath to have one of the
best sermons.