The Washington herald., 1914-03-15


of Microbeini and Germicide crawled over me and
kicked their initials on my kneecap and then down
to enjoy smoke of domestic rope which fell across
my nostris and remained there in bitterness.
After had been stepped on, sat on, ciawed at and
scowled at for twenty minutes, began discuss my
self to myself
John" whispered, "do you really think that the
general public appreciates your efforts keep the
Harbor open?"
And then myself replied to myself with sigh of
exhaustion, Il don't thinkF
"John," / said to myself mo matter what your
motives may be- the other fellow will always believe
you are trying to get the best of it If you move over
and give the end seat to another gentleman he will
consider it only his right. II you don't move over
he will think you Hog for keeping that which is
much yours it is his
began to grow confidential with myself
Civilization is a fine idea, but Human Nature can
give cards and spades and then beat it outF told
myself. The Human Hog invented long before
the openface street began to stop for him. and
there isn't anybody living who should stop to throw
stones at him. because sehshness is like the measles
it breaks out in unexpected places. All of may not
be Hogs, but there is in the life of every man
when he gets near enough to it to be called Ham
Sandwich"
Just then the Disnfecti brothers, Microbeini and
Germicide, walked over me and had short but ex-
citing visit to the sIums.
Since that eventful day have moved over thirty
six times, and out of the thrty-six people gave the
end seat all but three of them belonged the Muci-
lage family. and stayed there.
Thereafter l made myself a severe promise not to
worry any more about my Hog qualifications when
movable or immovable on openface car.
will do as my conscience dictates and walk down
town as much possible.
Al
cities recently where of the cars stop on the near
side of some OF the streets and some stop on the far
side of some of the streets.
Honestly, they had me up in the air
/ left the hotel to attend to some business down.
town and went the near side of the street to
wait for a car.
When the car came along held my thumb out in
the atmosphere warningly but the motorman kept on
to the far side and stopped.
By the time | ran to the far side he was gone
again and another had stopped at the near side
When rushed back to the near side the car passed
me going to the far side and the side looked
much like the far side that back to the other
side, which should have been the near side but how
could be the side when the car was on the far
side and could the side in time to catch
the car before it was far away on the far side?
Just | rushed back again to the far side the
near side became the side catch the car and
when rushed again from the far side to the near
side the nearer got to the side the clearer could
that while the far side far away it was nearer
than the side, which always on the far side
when hoped to take the near side.
Then | began to grit my teeth and made up nv
mind to anticipate the action of the next car by stand
ing half between the side and the far side so
that could to either side the emergency called for
was standing there about a minute much pleased
with the idea because the side was now about as
far away the far side, when just then an automobile
sneaked up behind and of the forward turrets
struck me my personal far side and hoisted me
over to the side just left for the far side
reached out my hand to grasp the far side of the
step, but missed it and caught the near side and BY
this time the the far side and the motorman
grabbed the side of the electric controller and
pushed it to the far side, whereupon the car
started for Ell Paso, Texas speed OF about 5000
miles minute, and there with the near side of
four fingers holding the far side of the step and
the rest of my body sticking straight out in space like
pair OF trousers clothesne in a gale of wind
Then suddenly the side of my fingers refused
to hold to the far side of the STEP and with the near
side of face struck the far side of the tracks and
the side of my brain several individual stars
on the far side of the Universe.
Then went back to the hotel and crawled into the
far side of the bed while friend wife sent for near
side doctor who lived on the far side of the block