The Washington herald., 1914-06-22
Statesmen, Real and Near.
BY FRED c. KELLY.

i 1t fs necessary to bear in mind
Throughout this story that Mr.. Bill Kett-
ner., member Of Congress from San
Diego. Cal. used 20 be a life insurance
agent.
II everybody win agree to hold fast
to that fact during the unfolding Of our
little narrative we can proceed at once.
Very well.
1t seems that there is some kind OF in
ternational Chamber Of Commerce meet
ing to take place I'm Paris this summer,
with delegates from various large cities.
| The Chamber Of Commerce out in Bill
Kattner's town yearned TO be represent
ed, and they wrote to Kettner that he
would simply have to fix It. Sadly Kett-
ner found that the list Of delegates had
already been made up. But day or two
later he learned to his great joy that
there was a bill pending which gave the
President OF the United States the right
| to name ten additional delegates-at-
large Kettner skirmished about and
made arrangements for the Chamber Of
| Commerce in his town to get one of
these. Meanwhile the San Diego folks,
never doubling that Kettner would be
able to talk the proper authorities into
doing whatever was wanted, had sent
along their delegate.
| This delegate struck Washington and
Kettner's office in a great hurry, saying
that he had to leave town that after
noon at o'clock and must have his
credentials at once. as he was to sail
| from New York. the next day.
| But there was a hitch. The bill en-
titling the President to appoint Bill
Kettner's delegate had not yet been
signed. Kettner rushed TO the White
House and found that the bill was there
ready for signature.
'Ah, well then" smiled Kettner. ''we'n
have the President sign 1t at once and
my friend will just have time to catch
his train"
But the President has just gone TO
lunch" explained Tommy Brahany. one
of the smart young Irishmen who look
after things at the executive Offices.
Hell he gone for an hour or so"
Gracious sakes alive" exclaimed ket-
trer. IT'S too bad. but we'll simply have
| to disturb him at his victuals and let
him sign the bill over In the dining
room. I'm sorry but that's what we'll
have to do
'Oh we couldn't do that" Brahany
told Kettner. y doubt II there is a case
on record where a President was dis
turbed at his meal to sign a bill"
Cant help that" insisted Kettner. ''If
dessert and come back here my friend
will miss his train. You wouldn't stand
idly by and SEE a man miss train would
yuu?'
Well. without going into further de-
tails. Kettner talked Brahany into send
ing the bill over to the President for
signature And Kettners friend made his
train with a minute and a half to spare.
Now YOU know why Il was necessary to
bear in mind that Eettner used TO sell
life Insurance before he came to Con-
Eress.
Two men entered the office of Con-
Sressman Bathrick almost simultaneously
to talk about the farm credit measure
In which BathTiCk has been interested.
One of the visitors was, frankly. just
a plain farmer from one OF the Caro-
linas, with the kind of whiskeTs farmers
wear in the comic weeklies, and the
warm weather was the only reason he
did not wear felt boots. The other one
WAS a distinguished doctor Of philosophy
from Columbia University. He had come
TO discuss the farm credit bill from the
learned. economic, sOciOloEiCsl, philo-
sophie angle, and he did So As he talk
ed. the Carolina farmer listened with
mouth aCape. and seemed to he drinking
In every word the scholarly man said.
II WIS evidently his first contact with so
much learning, and he was receiving a
liberal education. SO intent vas he on
not missing any Of it. that he uttered
not single word until
But wait.
The Columbia professor hranChed off
from farm credits and talked of the Wall
Street point OF view.
Those fellows saws he, curse and
resent the facts that exist instead OF try
ing to remedy tn" conditions that bring
them about. They're like the tyrants
who behcaded the messengers that
brought bad news. back in the time OF
Louis Nv"
Sixteenth spoke up the farmer in a
still. small voice. II was the first word
that had escaped his lips-simply he '
cause II was the FIRST time tho professor
had made an Inaccurate statement.
Yes" said the professor, Il meant
to say Louis NVI.'
Two photographers were trying to take /
a photograph Of Vice President Mar Z
shall up near the Capitol one morning. '
Just look right into the lens" said .
one
Right into this lens here" directed .
the other. /
So the V. P.'s eyes SHIFTED ncrvousIy .
from one camera to the other. /
Hold on chuckled Marshall You .
fellows make me think of tho cross
eyed butcher. HI was about To- kill - .
steer and had persuaded hanEer-on .
about his place to hold the steer whil.
he hit II between the eyes
Coin t hit where you're looking
asked the helper.
Yep replied the cruss-cyed butcher
Then you can hold the blamed thinE
yourself!' declared the helper as ne .
walked on
fCopyri-bt reIil