South Bend news-times. (South Bend, Ind.) 1913-1938, 1914-08-04
Statesmen Real
and Near.
By Fred c. Kelly
BY FIRED G. KELLY.

WASHINGTON, Aug. 4. Sen.
Kern made his wav up TO the white
house one morning at the time the
Panama tolls thing was all the big
talk. He spoke to the president of the
fact that a lot of people were accus-
ing the democratic party of breaking
it's platform pledges. Then he went
on and told the president a little
story-something in the nature of a
parable
There used to be a Hebrew mer-
chant in Indianapolis who did not get
along well with neighboring store
keeper. They shared the same alley
back of their places of business and
every time the Hebrew went back
there the other man hurled abuse at
him. The Hebrew used to confide his
troubles to Kern and ask him what he
ought to do. One day Kern dropped
into the mans store and asked him
how he was getting along with his
neighbOr
"Oh, it's something awful" says he
IL can't stand ii much longer. I'm go
ing to move. Why, only Shis morning
| went out into the alley to empty a
couple of old boxes and the fellow
came along and called me a dirty Jew
scrOndrel."
What did you say to him?" in
quired Kern.
Huh snorted Kern's friend.
what could l say? 1t was so,
wasn't it,"
Old Marc Smith. senator from Ari-
iona, sat i'm a Pullman smoking COM
partment one evening a while ago
listening to number of other travel
ers discussing a certain piece Of legis-
lation that had recently passed con-
Fna1inO that Cr,1rrph a he
had voted for the measure, he knew
more about it than the others present
Smith got into the conversation, and
without disclosing his identity de-
Tended the action of congress. One
pompOuS passenger. who had been
doing bit of drinking. rather re-
scented Smiths coming into the con-
VersatiOn
who in thunder are you ," he ask
ed
smith, Huh" grunted the other
passenger contemptuously. Mere
generic name"
Victor Murdoch tells of an old chap
out in Kansas. known as Uncle Jack,
who had a dog II was not a highly
bred dog. but it was a wonder at
catching rats. and moreover Uncle
Jack was fond of the dog personally.
dSlQe from us SAelllUE QUANTITIES as a
rat-killer. Uncle Jack had few other
intimates. because of a disposition to
be rather savage in his conversation.
He imagined that half the people he
met we're antagOniStic toward him,
and this made him not any too COM
panionable So il was just as we'll
that he had a warm friend In his
dog. One night as he and the dog
were passing corner grocery where
everybody loafed two or three by
ISLANDERS sought 10 make hit with
Uncle Jack by complimenting his dog.
That's certainly a fine little dog Of
Uncle Jacks" remarked one.
Yes. I don't suppose there's bet
ter rat dog anywhere" rejoined an
other.
Uncle Jack turned and glared at
the bunch and hurled this:
"Ye think he's just good for rats,
Ell? Well I'll have We know he's just
as good on mice-ye goldarn fools!'
Sen. Gronna of North Dakota lives
in a town called Lakota. while ago
ne was looking about Washington for
a suitable apartment for the winter.
suddenly he stopped In front on a
place called The Mendoza. and said:
Il think this place will do"
But you haven't seen the inside
yet" suggested his wife.
NO, but / like the name" said
Gronna 1T has a homelike sound TO
it. Lakota. Mendota-makes a nice
little rhyme you see. l want 10 live
here"
And there is where he now lives.
Sen. Miles PoindeXter told this one
20 four other senators the other day
and they laughed as If perhaps the
, story is new. Last November the
/ eading bon vivant Of a certain town
out in Washington proceeded joyously
and faithfully 90 go in on a larger
scale for strong drink than was for
| his own best interest. His travels then
took him 10 the headquarters Of the