davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1914-01-12
Up=tO=Date Jokes

Mr. RAYMOND PriestIey, speaking
recently OF the work OF the northern
party engaged in the South Pole ex-
petition, told a story of two blue
Jackets who had a dispute as to the
s&Act position of a public-houss in
tortsmouth. In the end the argu-
laent resolved itself into a bet and
me loser was to stand a supper at 3
we'll known fish restaurant.
Md what about drinks?" asked
me '}'
Well said the other. IL 1 lose.
Won shall have a glass OF beer with
each FISH,"
"Right-u." was tn. reply. Then
we II have whitebait!'
I0ey were discussing horse racing
u guess" observed the Yankee
I've seen the closest race ever rum
fer | once saw horse adjudged win
ner by a tongues length"
rs that so?" drawled the English
man. We'll. I've seen closer race
than that I lived two years in Scot
land"
Father, don't men call themselves
bachelors before they get married.
es, my boy"
And what do they call themselves
after, dad?"
"Hushl 1t isn't fit for little boys to
know"
The limit OF GOODNESS was surely
'-ached b. a Yorkshire churchgoer.
VINO requested the verger 10 open tho
windows before the sermon, as 1t was
unhealthy to sleep in a hot room.
Why lie he so bitter at the girl he
Was only ra2ently engaged to-
Because hen she sent the ring
BACK she Labelled the box. Glass
With care"
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1914-01-12
Tabloid Tales

Which, mother, knows the greater
trouble, man or woman?
All, child, that is hard to answer
With a woman 1t Is a struggle to
provide something for the inner man
and with a man it is an effort tC
provide something for the outer
woman.
Why, mother mine. do some men
Join so many lodges?
They wish an excuse, little one
for having no time for joining their
own families.
Can a mother, mother dear, always
find an excuse when her son is a fail
ure?
Always, my child. When he is un-
married, she says he is too young 10
succeed, and when he is married, she
says his wife won't let him.
Why, when evening comes, mother
is the father of family so often de-
pressed?
ne mas tHe IeeillS, little one, tnd'
no one cares for him except as a
wage Garner, and the thought hurts,
What, mother, is secret?
My child, 1t Is one of the things
hope you will never know. If YOU
have it, and keep it, you can't enjoy
1t, for there is no satisfaction in
keeping a secret And if you tell il
YOU get into trouble.
Pr ANCES L. GARSIDE.
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1914-01-12

What is tia sprained ankle ?"
asked Carrie Packard, capably.
Don't touch i'll can't bear for
you to touch it."
NONSENSE 1t must be bandaged!
I'll bandage it. Clear out you men
bandages, Racie-Emily take away
that saucepan and fetch me some
water"
She rolled up her sleeves Efficient
ly and went to her stateroom for
damp towels.
II can't have it bandaged! Help
me to my stateroom," cried Mrs. OIL
yer, desperately, to Ingraham. She
struggled to her feet and then col
lapsed suddenly "Oh-give me SOM
sherry-quick,"
"What an actress you are You
almost fooled me-" said her hos,,
pouring the drink for her.
She seized the opportunity to pull
off her stocking and cover her foot
with a cushion-and then sank back
exhausted.
Now, Mr. Ingraham-we shan't
need YOU" said Carrie Packard
hustling back with her leutenants in
her wake. She knelt and examined
the slender pink foot held out to her
Good! 1t hasn't had time to swell
yet I'm afraid this means no rubber
to-night-but we can play all day
tomorrow. You must give me my
revenge
You're getting your revenge-now
--by-being so--good to me-" said
poor Mrs. Oliver, wincing with pain
Good? When I'm hurting you like
the deuce. There. VIII you see il
you can step on it,"
AS Mrs. Oliver lowered her ban
daged foot to the floor, the empty
stocking dropped down and Carrie
Packard picked it up and ran heI
hand into it mechanically to turn it
Here's your stock"
She glanced down at it and stopped
abruptly. Mrs. Oliver had reached
her stateroom door, supported by
Racie and Emily Frost--now she
stopped and glanced back at Carrie
Packard and the tei-tale stocking
She went quite white and hobbIed q
little faster on the supporting arms
of her helpers. She gained her door
and entered-but Carrie Packard
at the stocking on her arm. Their
she took from her sweater pocket the
other stocking-the one she hao
found in the suitcase marked XXX
like barrel Of flour" Those stock
ines were just alike!
"Racie! Emily She called. Girls
do you see this?"
Mrs. divers stocking?" inquired
Emily,
Mrs. divers stockings. Mrs. Oh
ver's suitcase, too She has beer
making fools Of all Of us--laughing il
her sleeve--she and our husbands
OUR husbands"
Eyes. 1t was Packy who brought
her on board. / notice that Tom anc
Charlie haven't allowed him to spenc
much time in her company"
And OF course just at that most un.
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1914-01-12

Charlie. Emily-I-insist on your
opening the door This is ridiculous!"
He put his mouth down and spoke
through the keyhole. II want some
more clothes-I am cold"
He sneezed tentatively-and then fol-
lowed a hollow cough or two. q
you are entirely mistaken about my
conduct, which was blameIess. Open
the door. You won't? Very we'll"
He retired with great dignity, ven
turing one or two more coughs. No
results-and with a snort that be-
tokened healthy lungs he marched
upstairs Quietly he crept back-and
fell over Tom, who promptly sat up
and began slapping at an imaginars
mosquito.
Eight bells sounded AIS WELL
cried the watch.
Packy sat up and mumbled sleepily,
well? He'll"
81 haven't slept a wink" he
moaned
who could with you grumbling
and talking all night" asked Frost
virtuously.
who's maxim noise now" asked
Packy. II thought I heard you up
prowling about parleying with the
enemy, I suppose"
Never" said Frost Let us go
back to town from New London-and
leave Packy to explain"
ITO a row Of closed doors?" asked
Inky, Indignantly.
And all-for that woman" said
Tom, with youths ready intolerance
81 can't sleep for thinking OF that
poor woman" said Charlie Frost, sad
ly. II never should have believed it
of her-never She seems such a
thoroughbred"
you're thoroughbred yourself
when 1t comes to thinking no evil Of
krost--I wonder If 1t would
not be a mighty good thing for some
of us to take a leaf out of your note
book" said Inky, slowly.
Innocents abroad mumbled
Paclty.
pity our wives aren't more like
Charlie-they seem ready to believe
the worst OF us"
"Yes--it is hard to be unjustly
blamed-just the one time when l
hadn't
you'd better not finish that SEN
tence-Packy," said lngraham, quiet
~, "Well, boys. | had a note from
Mrs. Ollver-she leaves at daybreak.
"T'd like to take her to town." said
Tom. rashly
THAT IL all attended tony boy"
said Racie's brother
And her husband replied, IN tone
that Inky did not like; well
when a woman bolts her door, she
ought not TO expect to And her hus-
band on the mat-the next morning
for he won't be there. So I'd be glad
for an excuse to go to town"
"Drat you for this old cruise, any
way. Inky.' said Packy, irritably
why in thunder did you ever invent
this trip"
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1914-01-12
Daysey Wayne
and Her Folks

T,HE cold gray dawn OF the morn
ing after has nothing in the way
L of chilliness and gravity OF
color on the week following Christ
mas There ia something almost
funereal In the manner in which ths
Christmas tree In the parlor droops;
the be-ruffled and be-rihboned gifts
from friends still on display bear a
look that Is almost sinister, and the
resemblance between the sound of the
toys breaking under every footstep
on the floor and the explosions OF
wrath from Father Is terrifying.
J The atmosphere is charged with the
feeling that they have become the
llindltng wood which Is to burn up
both his patience and his money. And
every woman knows what that means
Daysey Msyme Appleton was SO de,
pressed when she looked over what
she had made on the Christmas trade
that she regretted she had not be-
come "spug." one OF that noble band
of brave women who compose the So
ciety for the Prevention of Useless
Giving
She YEARLY counted ten pearl
! handled pens. five manicure sets. seven
vanity bags. four corset holders
eleven hatpin receivers, nine fanoy
work bags. seven napkin rings and so
many aprons that IL she stayed boms
every day for thirty years and wore
three at time she never could wear
them out.
suddenly a happy thought struck
her She would become a sn,r, 7.
was not too late; she would be a
spug next year: not one OF those who
40 not Eive-that IL not In acco,s
! with tho real Christian spirit. sh.
would give. but she would give What
she had received!
| nave called the society which
am organizing the Society for tina
Passing on of Useful Gifts. S-P-u-c
and every woman is eligible. There
are no dues, and the only requisite
10 membership is a good memory. It
would never do to pass back to Aunt
Jane. for instance, the shoe bag she
has passed on to me. Such mistakes
have an embarrassing effect on kin
reunions and cause a slump In ths
Family Tie"
Then she carefully tied to each gift
the card that came with 1t. bearing
Merry Xmas Greetings. Undying Love,
Fond Remembrance. Best Wishes.
etc; wrapped each gift in tissue pa
per and put 1t away, to be brought
| forth next year, when there would
be a new card attached and IL would
be sent on its blithesome holiday
| Journey.
+, II there are any among you wins
| have received more hsirpin holders
| than YOU have hairs; whose Christ
mas tree held SO many bags Il looked
as II It had been attacked by the
| bagworm. and who got as many bed
slippers as II you were centipeds
| and suffered with cold feet, Join the
| New Order Of Spugs, Society for the
| Passing on of Useless Giftsl
FRANCES L. GARSIDB.
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1914-01-12

To Be Continued To. morrow.
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1914-01-12

propitious moment the three sus-
pected husbands came jubilantly
down the stairs in merry mood that
was fuel to the fire of wrath blazing
in wifely eyes.
"Racie-what is the matter?" asked
Tom hurrying to her
"Oh, Toni trusted you"
Sternly spoke Emily Frost
"Charles-1 suspected you"
Packy stood transfixed. open
mouthed gazing at the twin stockings
on Carries arms.
I'm glad you have the grace not
to open your mouth" said his wife.
He promptly shut it.
She tiourished the stockings.
These stockings-you see these
stockings"
II see them for the first time.
Carrie, | swear" stammered Packy.
That's not your fault-rll wager
Anyway you all saw 'em just now
when that woman pretended to sprain
her ankle"
A Dilemma.
That woman" cried Tom
Pretended" gasped Frost.
AS Ingraham came down the steps
and paused to take in the scene, she
went on in a tone that was equal
parts asperity and pain.
"Oh-this isn't the first time she's
fallen-the clever creature! Such a
bridge player. too, She made fool
of me-but not for long. Mr.. Ingra
ham-I must ask you to stop when
| YOU reach New London and let me
off there. My connection with this
| cruise is at an end"
And mine" said Emily Frost
And m M mine" sobbed Racie
Three stateroom doors slammed
Three bolts turned IN three doors.
! And three bewildered and unhappy
men vainly tried these doors.
| Now, you've done IT." cried Tom,
| saVagely. to Packy.
whats Packy done" asked Frost
in innocent bewilderment
The other three men looked at him
Wed better go down to dinner
boys-the gong may bring the girls"
said lngraham. hopefully.
| But it did not--nor did those doors
open to knocks or pleas or threats
or dinner trays
May as we'll bunk on deck with the
mosquitoes" said mine host affably
And that is exactly what three in
| furiated men had to do.
There was not much sleep on board
! the Bachelor that night-as -four
| lighted cabins below testified mutely
and as four men obIurgating mos
| qui.oes--and suspicious women testi-
| fed audiblv
Hang those blasted mosquitoes,
| Don't they ever Sleep" asked Pacly
OF the early dawn. No one answered
him-but Frost awakened, stirred,
crept over Toms steamer chair and
| long limbs stretched out thereon
and tip-toed down 10 the cabin. He
gazed cautiously about, and crept to
I tho middle door.
| Emily. Emily! ! say-it's /
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1914-01-12
A Real Sprain.

At the sound of his voice Mrs. Oil
yer opened her eyes, and spoke faint
ly: only a sprained ankle She
tried to move her foot and WINGED,
giving a groan of real pain.
Don't move" adjured Frost, ten
DERBY He found his position rather
pleasing.
1ren ster1iy the voice of his Emily
came to him; Charles! What is
this?'
Come and help Mrs. Oliver, Emily.
She has fallen"
FALLEN Oh-h fallen down
stairs, you mean?'
Emily Frosts face relaXed-she
rushed out. carrying in her hand a
saucepan in which she was preparing
for Charles one of the mustard plas-
tiers that was the bane of his eX
istence. Racie and Mrs. Packard
came running to the scene of dis
aster--and with the instinct for
nursing uppermost they came to le
rescue of the woman against whom
,hsy were esnded.
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1914-01-12
Know Him?

PA, what is a near-humorist 9''
"A ar-humorist, son, is a per-
son who says, when he finds an oys-
ter in stew, Well, well. little
stranger, what are you doing here?"
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1914-01-12
Just as Good.

Skee-Mrs. De Rich commands a
high salary.
Zix-I didn't know she worked.
Skee-She doesn't; she bosses her
husband
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1914-01-12
TO-DAY'S INSTALLMENT.

Firmly, but in a grateful tone, Mrs.
Oliver replied; you must stay here
to make the explanations. Your man
can put me on the train
do you prefer to fall before or
after dinner he laughed, consulting
his watch.
oh, the sooner. the better! En-
pect me down any time now!"
And she ran up the stairs as the
masculine half of the cruising party
arrived to order their host to put
them off at New London! 1nky gained
an impression that his party was not
quite a success--and wondered IL Mrs.
Oliver need play at sprained ankle
after all.
The question was settled by a sud-
den furry and gasp and swish as Mrs.
Oliver descended the step in prone
little heap and lay, moaning, until
the men in a body came to her rescIe
and carried her to the circular seat.
you aren't hurt?" cried Frost.
by Joye, she's fainting!" said
Packy.
And with an arm about PackY's
neck and one about FrostS, while
Tom Updegraff knelt at her feet, Mrs.
Oliver had slipped off to the edge Of
things. Ingraham, however, admired
her clever play acting-and thought
woman could bring TO bear on so
tense thoroughly.
~ Ia !,
Atlanta Georgian. [volume] (Atlanta, Ga.) 1912-1939, 1914-01-12
NOVBLIZED BY
@90 2a1hT

From the play by Anne Crawford F1e1ner,
now running at the Comedy Theatre New York
City. Copyright. 1918, by International News
Daily capital journal. (Salem, Oregon) 1903-1919, 1914-09-16
ENUMERATION OF GRAPE JUICE" DIPLOMACY.

1t may be grape juice" diplomacy and it may be some
thing else but whatever is it surely is worthy Of place
in history that September To- 1914 in the city of Wash
ington United States of America the representatives of
Great Britain France Spain China and the United States
representing wothrds of the people of the earth signed
for their respective governments and so bound them
solemn treaty that these countries would under cir
nmsances declare make any of the others until
it had submitted its to international tribunal anu
until year had passed after the of dispute had
arisen.
1t may be "grape Juice" but it has all the brands of
magnificent victory of Peace Had Germany France and
the other warning nations of Europe signed this agree
ment six weeks ago. what deuge of blood would have
been turned aside! What holocaust would have been
avoided What unutterabe and what bitter tears
would have been still unknown The brave fellows who
fell at Louvain would be now pursuing their usual
tiOns speeding the nimbe shuttle through the whirrng
looms guiding the machinery that produced the dainty
aces and beautiful things for human adOmment instead
of rotng under their destroyed forts and sending up
heaven an unbearabe stencil in protest against mans
wickedness and inhumanity
What poignant grief what scalding tears what I'M
bearabe sorrow what aching hearts would have been pre-
vented had that grape juice diplomacy been followed
by the leaders of the unhappy warning nationSl
Ask the mother left desoate in age whose sons body
rotng an unknown grave ask the widow whose eyes
shall again behold the father of her children and
who must take up in his place the burden of their support
and upbrnging ask the boys and girls the made
phans who deyed and afraid saw their father for the
last time he marched away brayey In TO the
call to arms and whose ears deaf forever more 20 their
prattle whose eyes are blind to their wnSomeness and
whose heart never again will thrill with delight at the
caspng of their arms around his neck or the touch of
their cOnfidng hands, Ask these if the signing of treaty
of peace thing to be sneered at ask these great
and grand thing is to be dismissed from human consider
alton as trifle, bit of grape juice" diplomacy
Our country great and grand and with the example
we setting the nations of the world may we'll be pro
claimed glorious and this because of these efforts
for peace and the adoption first in all the world ofa
grape juice" diplomacy,
Daily capital journal. (Salem, Oregon) 1903-1919, 1914-09-16
THE MAN WITHOUT A COUNTRY"

If you haven't read "The Man Without a Country" !"
read before you go bed tomorrow night No one can
tell you what you have missed The little book can
Let it.
One of the most needed tonics for government like
ours and in time like this is patriotism In land where
SO great proportion of the population is foreign born
and for good part foreign reared it is patriotism that
keeps men together in the higher aims In any land this
enthusiastic love of country is needed-especiay so in
our own
And this small volume-its scarce big enough to be
called volumeS the most prolific breeder of patriot
ISM Before you have read half of it you feel like wrap
ping yourself up in the dear old flag and when you have
finished it-we it isn't easy to say just what you will
feel like doing then.
1t matters not whether you are twelve or hundred
years Old That little book will remake your AmerieanIsm
IN either case You will wish some good fairy had let YOU
know Of at twelve You would have been better citizen
then than you are ten years later after going through
civil government and political economy and all SUCH
Every American boy should read it so soon as he can
read it at all 1t is heritage better than thousands in
gold.
Daily capital journal. (Salem, Oregon) 1903-1919, 1914-09-16
: : : : = : : : : :. = , ; : : !
< TALKS ON THRIFT. 4
X X x X X x < X X x \ x X X x !
The Safety and Service of Banks.

DepOsitors entrust bankers with
such power as they have today, and
are unlikely to entrust that power
70 weak or evil hands. III. p.
Davidson of j. P. Morgan & Co.
The value to the business public of
good banks can hardly be overesti-
mated.
The financial lifebloOd Of the com.
munity flows through these arteries in
the form of loans and discounts, ex-
changes, collections and other trans
actions.
To the bank the man Of big affairs
can come for consultation about trans.
actions involving large amounts, while
the man of small affairs with little
knowledge of banking can turn to it
for sound advice.
The banks help to keep the local
wheels Of trade and industry moving,
tide honorable men over business de-
pressions, keep local money at home
and in a score Of ways help the com
munity. The distribution of interest on
time or savings deposits, amounting to
a large sum in the aggregate. is a strong
incentive TO thrift. As a teacher of
good business system, also. a we'll
equipped bank is an excellent school for
its depositors.
Several times year banks are thor
oughly examined by Representatives of
the State or National banking authOri-
ties, as the case may be, and also by
representatives of their Boards of
Directors.
The examiners count all the cash on
hand down to the last penny. then
check off all the bonds and other in
vestment securities owned by the bank.
as well as the collateral on which it has
loaned money. They examine all the
notes discounted, verify all balances
due 10 and from other banks by OBJ.
tanning from them a formal certifying
as to balances.
Sometimes depositors upon being
shown a bank 5 safe deposit vault. ask:
Is this the vault where my savings
deposits are keptP' Some seem to
think that each depOsitor 5 money is
kept in separate box till he calls for
it.
Money kept that way. while it would
be safe would be doing neither its own.
er the bank, nor the community any
good. 1t would be boarded merely and
be entirely non-prOductive As a matter
of fact certain proportion of deposi-
tors funds must be kept in reserve, but
some of this reserve may be deposited
at interest in other banks. But the
larger part of deposit money is invested
by the bank, under strict legal safe
guards in various conservative WAYS.
usually in "demand " and short term
investments that render the assets of
the bank quick to realize upon when
necessary.
4 bank must use the greatest discrim.
Daily capital journal. (Salem, Oregon) 1903-1919, 1914-09-16

ination in making loans A stranger
cannot expect accommodations. 1t is
customary for the borrower to make a
periodical statement of his financial
affairs, which is kept in the bank s
records.
Naturally, in their dealings with
regular depositors, the banks Officers
become well acquainted with their
character and their resources and are
thus in a position to determine to how
large a line of credit each one is en-
titled. The ability to borrow money
from the bank is one of the great ad-
vantages of being a steady bank de.
positOr.-T. D. MacGregor.
Daily capital journal. (Salem, Oregon) 1903-1919, 1914-09-16

Medford Monday on a charge of falsi-
flying affidavits to the pension depart
ment. She is alleged to have sworn
she had not married second time, aud
this it is alleged was false.
l. 5. Smith, of Marshfield, state sen.
ator from Coos and Curry counties,
will introduce a bill at the coming leg
islature repeating the law compelling
the publication Of delinquent tax lists.
Oscar Laural, of Astoria, was com
mitted to the Jail there Monday to
await the action of the grand jury on
a charge Of wife-beating.
The Courier SAYS that hop picking
in the Rogue valley has been com.
pleted and the crop stored in ware
houses without having been touched
by rain The hops are ever better
grade than in former years.
The Condor Globe advises its read.
ers to subscribe for daily paper.
The Globe says it does not attempt
to cover world events; its mission is
TO give all the news OF Gillian county.
The Enterprise saws that farmers
in the vicinity of Newberg are paving
more attention to the growing of clo-
yer for seed. One farmer threshed out
l. bushels from three acres after tax.
ing off five tons of good hay in June.
sheridan. in lamhill county. ex.
peets to be great fruit center. The
Sun says that seven districts, com.
prising 1850 acres, represents the fruit
industry in its infancy. Tributary to
sheridan are l652 acres in apples
prunes, l25; walnuts, 544; cherries,
500; pears, 40, with the remainder
in peaeaes and small fruits.
The work OF dredging in front Of
Astoria 5 municipal dock will soon be
gin. A big electric dredge. accom-.
panied by barge loaded with equip
ment, has entered the river to begin
the job Of removing l,2j0,000 cubic
yards Of earth to afford s5 feet OF
water IN front of the docks. The
estimated cost is SlS6,s50.
Baptist hens in Dallas viii help pay
the pastor 5 salary An egg club has
been formed by women members Of
the church who own chickens. All
tne eggs laid on Sunday win be sold
and the proceeds turned into the pas.
tor salary fund. Al the end OF a
the most eggs will be given suitable
recognition.