The Washington herald., 1914-08-17
"Pm a SeH-made Bankrupt"
Stock Broker Writes Son
Cheerful Optimism Displayed by" Dad" Who Lost
|, Everything When War Closed Wall Street
Exchange, ShoWn in Letter Brought
to The HeraLd'S Attention.

A letter from "a self-made bankrupt"
to his son, which has come to The Wash
ington Herald's attention from private
sources. Is so refreshing in its cheerful
optimism, that The Herald reprints its
herewith:
August 10. 1884,
MY Dear Jack: Your dad has not
had time to write you since the holo-
caust. Long years ago Julius Caesar
wrote a treatise on war, and he made
that his occupation. He was followed
by a little boy by the name Of Alexander.
who, despite his size, was called the
Great" and then came Napoleon who
was called "Boaaparte' because he had
no bony parts He was a little. fat,
chubby, Brownie" shaped fellow who
had a bad case Of the itch (this is au-
thentic) which made him restless and he
started a war which eliminated in chang
ing the geography of the period Of 1876
so that the board of education had to
buy new Biographies for all the school
children.
Your dad. and a lot of other peopla
sluggish in mind and not war-like in dis
position, believing as Andrew Carnegie
and William Jennings Bryan. that the
Dove Of Peace is a greater bird than
any other bird except the eagle on a
$50 gold piece, got left They thought all
the Napoleons were gone: but no one
can tell what a 'Dutchman' will do.
Il want you in the future to scrutinize
carefully any overtures of any Dutch
man or girl They will give you all the
holes in the Swiss cheese. This boy
Wilhelm, they have in Germany. that
wears a tin helmet, writes poetry. is q
stage director. musical director and ad-
miral in nine navies. a monarch Of two
countries the Of W
plays an obeO in the orchestra with his
left hand and pens diplomatic thunder
bolts TO his rivals with his right hand
concluded he would go to war with the
world. do not suppose he had in mind
the cotton market; nor the firm of
(--). nor the price of sweet potatoes
in Clarksville, Ark, but his actions had
direct AFFECT on all of these things.
and when the balloon went up on Fri
day, July q. we found it was not a
Zeppelin dirigible, but an old style in
tiated gas bag that got a bad puncture.
In short. We went broke, not bent, nor
twisted, nor fractured, but a clean.
smooth. even break with both ends of the
bone sticking out Of the flesh. In all
this miX-up. your dad. who was solvent
on July 10. was so badly busted on July
81. that. II turkeys were selling at 10
cents per dozen, he could not pull the
tail feathers out Of a pouter pigeon.
Living on His Nerve.
He is, however, very much obliged to
you for the letter which you wrote your
mother in regard to the matter you saw
in the newspapers, and your dad is living
on his nerve-a thing that has been over
used and overworked for years, but has
always been his friend, and you can rest
assured that when the Titanic sank your
dad did not get on the boat with the
women and children, but went down to
the bottom OF the first ledge and is still
clinging to the old craft hoping he may
be able to unloosen an anchor and float
to the surface with II, or that he can
save some part OF the wreckage for the
benefit of those who went down with IL.
He has been under water a long time,
and 1t is hard for him to get his breath.
The firm Of - will not start again. That
is evident-so IL you get on the subway
some day and hear a familiar voice say
Seventy-second street, change for local.
the next stop Ninety-siXth street, do not
let your humor overcome you. because it
may be your old dad who is getting a