Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1914-12-23
The impatient
American
By WALTER bartlett


tors, lavatories and such like. when
he goes to Italy is somewhat taken
aback at being charged every time he
is lifted to an upper story or washes
his hands. l had paid couple of sol
di when l used the elevator in the Vic
toria galleries at Naples, though | as
cended for the purpose of buying
something from a shop facing on one
of the galleries. l had also paid a
soldi and was handed a slip to sign for
riding to the upper floors in apart
ment buildings. When. therefore, l
reached Rome and was about to take
the elevator at my hotel to go to my
room and was given a printed slip
was not surprised. But there was a
detail in this case that broke down
my American. patience. l was asked
to give my age, the place Of my birth,
nationality of my parents. my profess
sion and other matters of similar
character
See herev l said Indignantly.
"Take that thing away. If I've got
to pay and sign such paper as that
for the purpose of riding on an eleva
TORN any city in America l can ride
to the thirty fifth story for nothing
and no questions asked-I'n sail for
home on the first ship that goes"
The hotel official, who had handed
me the paper and who did not under
stand a word l said, bowed and with
drew with a simple Isl. signore." l
-1o %o1 rs To
bed
/ was awakened in the middle of
the night by a sharp rap. Tumbling
out of bed q feared the house was on
| fire and was being aroused to go down
! an escape) | threw open the door.
There stood two men in military claw
hammer coats, cooked hats and big
swords by their sides. l knew them
at once for gendarmes in the national
service. They stepped into the room,
turned on an electric light and began
| to examine my personal appearance
critically, noting my height, hair, eyes.
etc, and comparing them with some
| thing written on a paper one of them
held in his hands. Then they jabber
ed Italian to each other and at me till
| said Non capisco" q don't under
stand, when they pointed to my
clothes, pantomiming for me to put
them on.
Satisfied by this time that l was in
a scrape, | tried to bride them, but it
was no go.
Well, | was taken downstairs in the
elevator by the gendarmes. | was very
mad. Why don't you sign a descrip
ton of yourselves" / said tartly to my
guards. land hand out a couple of
cents each for the ride? A people small
enough to divide cent into five parts
are capable of charging Il man for an
elevator trip and making him sign a
description of himself to see that he
doesn't ride twice on the same fare
The gendarmeS simply raised their
hats, took me out of the hotel. called
a cab and, lighting long thin cigars,
told the cabman to drive somewhere,
We alighted in front of big building.
| entered it between my guards (after
1 had paid for the ride, and the next
thing | knew | was behind bars.
never was so mad in my life Say
l called to the gendarmes. you popin-
jays! You've forgotten to collect for
letting me stay in here I've 2 solid
for the privilege, and Pm ready to give
you a passport to prevent my stay
ing here twice on the same ticket"
They turned, took off their hats and
went away 1t is needless to say that
my broken slumber was not renewed
In the morning l called an official and
said to him:
Americana consulate Allez vite
Tell him I'm Americana has got into s
scrape, to venito and get him out"
l showed a two Ira piece into the
mans hand. He went away ant
brought an official who spoke. English
Through him l secured writing ma
, terials and sent note to the Ameri
can consul, and before noon he cam,
to see me- | had little difficulty il
convincing him that | was an inoffen
sive American citizen travelling TO
pleasure) and he went off to find gu
. what was the matter. When he cam
back be asked:
: "Why didn't you give your landlor
. a description of yourself?
:, "He didn't ask for one.'
HE says you were handed the print
= ed slip he must turn into the polio
describing every person who comes
), his house and you refused to fill it ou
He then reported your arrival. d.
% scription of you and your refusal t
give him the required information
d They are looking for an anarchis
q about your size and thought perhaI
10 you might be their man. They a
y rested you partly on account of yOr
ID refusal to give information Of yourse
a and partly on suspicion. You shout
n have accommodated them"
m well, I'll be jinged" ! exclaime
D "A hotel official handed me a paper {
sign when | arrived and was about
Re go to my room. but supposed it ws
at part of the red tape they have ov,
here connected with riding on elev