Crittenden record-press. [volume] (Marion, Ky.) 1909-191?, 1914-12-17

LEAKS

! Albert raised up on his elbows and
said to her: wife lay right still.
dear. and yon'Il hear him come out
directly
II you have two or three hours you
want 70 waste, just ask our depot
agent how his baby is getting along.
Newt Dollar says some Of the 1913
June brides are now using the bridsl
wells as fly screens for the babies cot
Uncle George Stations said to uncle
Billie Lloyd, III you want To be- differ
ent from the rest Of mankind give
money instead Of advice.
George Order says an ideal marriage
is one in which the wife can keep her
temper and the husband can keep a
little money.
Sam Watson says II a man wants to
find out how old his children are, ask
their mother.
Mrs. Mollie Hibbs, Of Cairo. was 60
ing down m the city the other day On
a street car and rude man sitting
beside her. had spit on the floor She
Immediately signalcd the conductor and
he came IN To see what was the mat.
ter "Do you allow splitting in this.
car" replied Mrs Hibbs
We'll. no. replied the conductor.
"but you can come out On the plat
form II you want TO spit, lady
Mrs. Billie Koon asked Billie.
what will We call the baby"
Call il Coffee. for it keeps US
awake at night" Was Bills answer.
Tom Bugg says some birds have a
heap Of sense. You cant blame the
stork Tor lodging place after he sees
the lady Of the house sitting around.
nursing a poodle IN her arms.
Phil D2boc says there may have
been a time when poverty was a bless.
ing, but Il was before steak was sold
by the inch and butter hy the spoon
full.
DR.. Bailey, Of FrcdorIa. received
late one evening note from three Of
his fcllow-doctors, saying, PLEASE
come up 10 the club and join "a. 20 a
game ~ bridge. "Pattic. dear " heI
said 'o his wife. here am called
away again. l.is an important case.
There are three other doctor. on the
spot already
Mrs. Ellie Baker employed old AIr,g
70 help her get dinner 'ur o., preach.
crs After dinner the 90 negro sad.
"Ehbcry body got Co eat Co live. bat
hwdY honey j., look lk, hrudi,r-
Oakley and Newman just live 10 eat. DO
George Order sass single man
think. there are ONLY t.n command.
mcuts. bu, a married man know. ,l,rc
are about ten ihoussi Of them.
One Of our Frrdonia boys prcscn cd
himself before the schou, mistress. wioI
asked him his name.
Marlin, be- replied
How old are you. asked the
teacher
81 don know how old am "
well, when were you born'" asked
the teacher.
81 wasn't born at an, we've rot
step-mothcr.
Harry Hale stopped at Albert III. |
der's about u O'Clock and Albert said.
"Ah what pity. YOU didn come
minute sooner. Ny wife has Just
cleared away the coffee.
eyes, and SIZE nearly broke a cup in
her hurry"
/ Uncle George Carlton said, II gave
II to that man straight. He's twice as
biz as ! an but ! told him exactly
what ! thought Of his rascally conduct
right To his face and called him all the
names in the dictionary and lot Of
others as well.
Didn't he hit YOU" Said George
Cruce.
"No, but when he tried 10 answer
me back just hung up the the tclc.
phone receiver and walked away"
Uncle Dock Green says you can be.
lieye all YOU hear, and get by. But il
you try to say all YOU believe, YOU are
going to spend lot Of your time in
hospital.
Howard Rice saws the day that
father picks cut To swear olr using
cuss words ia usually the same day
that mother makes him help her
Strengthen the stovcpIpc in the Kitchen
and the same day tina, the stovcplpe
manages to fall down on ralhcr's head.